Description:

A man who finds a severed nose on a plate on his dining room table. A bell that can summon Satan (maybe). Casual Fridays at work that get out of control. A cheery outlook on the post-apocalyptic landscape. The final thoughts of a doomed skydiver. A girl punished by having to share a bed with her grandmother’s corpse. Revenge via baking a tarantula into a cake. A romance between two carnivorous genetically enhanced plants. And the lost tale of Fangboy.These are only a few of the demented stories in DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE, a collection of twenty-nine gleefully macabre tales, seven of which were written just for this collection. There’s even a brand new one about a ventriloquist dummy. Those things creep you out, right? You’ll laugh. You’ll scream. Okay…you probably won’t actually scream, unless you already had issues before you started reading, but you might cringe and get a little spooked.Table of contents:IntroductionPett SemmutearyComeuppanceThe Apocalypse Ain’t So BadThe Bell…FROM HELL!!!Work/Life BalanceStop Stabbing MeEight-Legged VengeanceThe DropHere’s What Happened…Pregnancy TestMr. Twitcher’s Miracle Baby-Chopping MachineThe CarverPush the ButtonSpecimen 313My Knife CollectionDrain BamageGramma’s CorpseBurdenRough DraftFangboy and the TrollDead in the WaterImmunityThe Big BiteWe BelievePoor Career ChoiceTrue HeroChomp (A Cautionary Tale)The Severed NoseDummyStory Notes You've read DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE and now you want more, more, more! Well, sometimes in this dark, cruel world we actually get what we want, because here's DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE: EXPANSION PACK, another eight similarly deranged stories for your reading ecstasy. (No previous DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE reading experience required.) This 21,000-word collection contains the first-ever publication of "Gave Up The Ghost," the basis for the horror/comedy short movie directed by Gregory Lamberson, that will appear in the upcoming anthology film CREEPERS. In addition to a report from the movie set, this collection contains... "The Car." A pair of vampires get together for an evening of vicious fun. "The Loneliest Jackalope." Bunnies with antlers! You can't go wrong with bunnies with antlers. "Inside the Boxes." Whatever is in there can't be good... "A Bit of Christmas Mayhem." Andrew Mayhem vs. a trio of axe-wielding Santa Clauses. "Scrumptious Bone Bread." It's not just for giants anymore. "A Flawed Fantasy." Sometimes, two girls at once isn't the best idea. "Tin Cans." What will you hear when you put one to your ear? You've read DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE and now you want more, more, more! Well, sometimes in this dark, cruel world we actually get what we want, because here's DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE: EXPANSION PACK, another eight similarly deranged stories for your reading ecstasy. (No previous DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE reading experience required.) This 21,000-word collection contains the first-ever publication of "Gave Up The Ghost," the basis for the horror/comedy short movie directed by Gregory Lamberson, that will appear in the upcoming anthology film CREEPERS. In addition to a report from the movie set, this collection contains... "The Car." A pair of vampires get together for an evening of vicious fun. "The Loneliest Jackalope." Bunnies with antlers! You can't go wrong with bunnies with antlers. "Inside the Boxes." Whatever is in there can't be good... "A Bit of Christmas Mayhem." Andrew Mayhem vs. a trio of axe-wielding Santa Clauses. "Scrumptious Bone Bread." It's not just for giants anymore. "A Flawed Fantasy." Sometimes, two girls at once isn't the best idea. "Tin Cans." What will you hear when you put one to your ear?