The Fire Walker
Author: Nicole R. Taylor
Date: 2013-12-08 05:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Romance
Description: **NO LONGER AVAILABLE** Librarian's Note: This is an alternate/new cover for ASIN B00H6PTC56 There's no smoke without a fire... and no heat without a flame. Dylan "Dee" Cosgrove is one fourth of Australian band, The Devil's Tattoo. Loveable, cocky as hell, but one thing is missing. He's never been in love. He doesn't want meaningless, he wants meaningful and all he keeps hearing is I'm sorry… Forever the good guy finishing last. A year after their first tour, The Devil's Tattoo are making it big in LA recording their next album. For Dee, all he wants is to stand on stage and play. After all, m

Copyright © 2013 Nicole R. Taylor

Kindle Edition

All rights reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except where permitted by law.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

All song titles, song lyrics, products and band names mentioned in this book are the property of the sole copyright owners.

Cover Design: © Nicole R. Taylor // Paper and Sage Designs

Contents

Chapter One – Dee

Chapter Two - Jessie

Chapter Three - Dee

Chapter Four - Jessie

Chapter Five - Dee

Chapter Six - Jessie

Chapter Seven - Dee

Chapter Eight - Jessie

Chapter Nine – Dee

Chapter Ten - Dee

Chapter Eleven – Dee

Chapter Twelve – Jessie

Chapter Thirteen – Dee

Chapter Fourteen – Jessie

Chapter Fifteen – Dee

Chapter Sixteen – Jessie

Chapter Seventeen – Dee

Chapter Eighteen – Jessie

Chapter Nineteen – Dee

Chapter Twenty – Jessie

Chapter Twenty One – Dee

Chapter Twenty Two - Jessie

Chapter Twenty Three  Dee

Chapter Twenty Four - Dee

Chapter Twenty Five – Jessie

Chapter Twenty Six – Dee

Chapter Twenty Seven – Jessie

Chapter Twenty Eight – Dee

Chapter Twenty Nine – Dee

Chapter Thirty – Jessie

Chapter Thirty One – Dee

Chapter Thirty Two – Dee

Other Books by Nicole R. Taylor

About the Author

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn your house down, you can never tell.

- Joan Crawford

"I swear to god, Dee if you don't hurry the hell up..."

"Take a chill pill, Zoe," I said, tuning the last string on my guitar. "Don't worry your pretty little head over it."

"I wanna get this done today, if you don't mind." She rolled her eyes at me, flipping her long brown hair over her shoulder.

Zoe Granger, aka Hot Legs, was my best friend. She was my family and the singer and guitarist in our band, The Devil's Tattoo. The band I started for her.

I know what people think when they see us hang out. We're so close it looks like we're together together, but it couldn't be further from the truth. She's my sister from another mister. She'd go to hell and back for me and I'd do the same. In fact, I'd already done just that.

When her life fell to pieces I was there for her. Start to finish. I didn't regret it, not for one second. When I said I started this band for her, I did, but it became more than that. We had added another three people to our extended family. Frank was on drums, Chris played bass and Simone was our manager. They were as much a part of this as Zoe and I.

"It'll get done," I said with a chuckle. It had become a running joke with the guys about how long it took me to tune my guitar. What could I say? I was a perfectionist.

We were recording the last song of our full length debut album. Well, it wasn't our debut, but it would be our American one, complete with four new songs and re-recording and mastering of our original ten. Much to our surprise, we'd been asked to do it in Los Angeles. A world away from our base in Melbourne, Australia, and today was going to be the last day. That was if we could get these last guitar parts down before the clock ticked over midnight.

"Will is coming in tomorrow and I don't want to make him sit in here watching you tune your guitar," Zoe huffed.

Will Strickland was the bass player in The Stabs, the band we toured with last year, and her boyfriend. They were so in love it made me sick, but I'd never seen her happier. I only wished I'd be that lucky someday. Will had told me later on that when he saw her, he knew. It was a nice notion, but I reckon it doesn't work that way for everyone.

Catching Zoe's eye, I gave her a wink and slid my fingers across the strings. "See? Perfect."

Slapping me on the arm with a grin, she pushed out of the booth and joined Chris, Frank and the sound tech by the board. Sliding the oversized headphones over my ears, I shut out all the outside noise and held a thumb up to signal I was ready. As the intro of the song that we were finishing up started, I closed my eyes and just felt it out. I knew this stuff back to front. I lived it and I breathed it. I didn't need a score to follow, it just came to me. Zoe had tried to teach me how to read music, but it just wasn't in me. The structure of lines and notes and time signatures just took out the magic and spontaneity. I liked to live on the edge.

The Devil's Tattoo was all about straight up rock'n'roll. Catchy riffs, complicated solos, moody lyrics, distortion, rawness. Playing guitar was the best thing in the world and to do it with such an awesome group of people and with such a challenging line up of songs, well it took the cake. I was bloody happy to tell you the truth. For once in my life I was content to leave things just as they were.

The song I was currently playing through was called Red Heart. It was one of my finer moments and I hoped this one would be the single. It had a slow, moody start, but then the guitars cranked and it was off the charts. Zoe did the vocals and damn… she had lungs alright. I couldn't wait to play this one live, it'd go off. I wished I could go off right now, but I was in a tiny sound booth and had to get this right.

We'd rehearsed this song so many times I knew it back to front, so I looked up and caught Zoe's gaze and winked. At that moment, the outside door opened and two women walked in like they owned the joint. That could only mean they were record company types and I suddenly wondered why they were here. They started talking with Simone and shaking hands all round and everyone turned to look at me. I couldn't hear what they were saying of course, so I hoped it was nice. I was awesome, so naturally it would be.

The taller woman looked like a rocker with shaggy black hair and maybe in her early thirties. I was a terrible judge of age. Rule one when trying to determine the age of the opposite sex, always aim low. The other woman was looking down at a tablet she had in her hands, frowning at the screen. Her face was angled away and she was the only one who hadn't looked over at me. She was pretty. Mousey blonde hair, slim, a tattoo down her arm. Well, pretty was not a good word. Beautiful? That was a bit better.

The other woman elbowed her with a knowing smile and she looked up. They knew I was checking her out. What was new? I checked everyone out. Her gaze crossed mine and my fingers fumbled over the strings, making a horrible scratching sound. She had big brown eyes like fucking Bambi and I almost choked. Through the glass I saw Zoe fuming, but the others were laughing their heads off.

Hitting the intercom, I said, "Start it again."

My gaze fell onto the blonde woman as I straightened up and she was standing there, her hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh. There was something about her...

I was always a bit of a clown, but right then, I kinda felt embarrassed. As the track started again, I gave Zoe a shrug and turned my back so I didn't have to look at them. And god, I had to know who that woman was. My eyes had locked onto her like a magnet and I'd never felt anything like it. Bam. Connection.

It was then I realized everything Will had said about him and Zoe was right. Seeing him so pussy whipped on tour was bloody amusing, but now I was beginning to understand. When I saw her, I just knew.

Will Strickland you motherfucker.

By the time I came out of the booth three takes later, the woman and her friend were gone.

"Who were they?" I asked Frank, who was sitting on a couch at the back of the room. Everyone else had disappeared somewhere.

"Label types," he shrugged.

"Be more specific."

"Marketing manager. Wants to keep us happy. You know the deal."

The deal would probably be taking us out for dinner, gigs, and clubs. I didn't really care. "Who was the blonde one?"

Frank rose an eyebrow. "Intern."

"Her name was intern?" I asked annoyed, knowing full well he had caught on to the fact I'd already made eyes at her.

"She said her name was Jessie," he said slyly. "They're from New York."

"New York, huh?"

"She was a looker."

"I saw her first."

"Damn, it," he laughed. "I so knew you were checking her out."

"Of course I was, mate."

"I'm going to the shop, do you want anything?" That was his code for, I need to get out of this shoe box, and he started towards the door.

"Nope."

"Later, then."

The door closed behind him and I sat there in silence listening to the muted sounds of the track coming from the sound tech's headphones. He was a nice guy, but he didn't hang with us much. It'd been a stupid amount of weeks and I didn't remember his name.

Thankfully Zoe came in, saving me from myself with two takeout cups of coffee in her hands and held one out to me. "Never say I don't give you anything."

"Thanks, Hot Legs." I really fucking needed caffeine right now. And a distraction. Recording was a hard slog and there were times when there was nothing to do but listen to yourself breathe. Those were the times when my mind sunk into depression. I was the kind of guy who needed action to stay afloat.

Chris was in the booth doing the last bass part for Red Heart and the sound tech had headphones over his ears listening to what was being recorded. Frank wouldn't come back for at least twenty minutes, so we're free to talk dirty if we wanted to. No one was listening.

"What did those record types want before?" I asked, trying to work up to asking about the woman Frank had said was called Jessie.

"Schmoozing," she shrugged. "They want to take us out for dinner tomorrow night and do the whole club thing." She didn't sound impressed, but I knew Zoe wasn't into going to clubs. She called them meat markets and when she had a hot piece like Will Strickland, of course she didn't want to go. But, if it meant this Jessie would be there, then I was all over that shit.

"They're doing this now?"

"We're pretty much finished recording, so I guess they want to reward us."

"Like a dog doing a fucking trick," I said sullenly. This was my dream, making it big, but I found myself disliking the facade that the business types threw up in our faces. As long as we were making them a dollar, then they slapped on the fake smiles and were all for showing us a good time. All I wanted to do was stand on a stage and play.

"Dee, I know. But a record deal is a record deal. Just cos they want to sell out and make cash, doesn't mean we do."

"I know. Sometimes it just shits me to tears."

"You're too genuine," she smiled, patting me on the knee. "Good guys get eaten up."

"Good guys finish last," I scoffed, thinking about my perpetual single status. Girls liked the bad boys and I didn't have a bad bone in my body.

"Does this have something to do with earlier?" Zoe asked with an accuracy that annoyed the hell out of me.

I shook my head, but she knew me like the back of her own hand.

"You were staring at that Jessie chick like she was something to eat."

"I wasn't," I protested, suddenly flustered.

She grinned, shaking her head. "If you say so, Dee Dee."

"Shut up."

She dumped her empty takeout cup on the table. "You know what you're doing, but be careful there."

"Why?" I asked with a grimace, poking at my own untouched coffee. What had she heard?

"You're with the band. She's with the label."

I never thought about it that way. I'd just locked eyes with the woman and already I had to know her.

"Zoe?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I understand what Will was saying now."

"About what?" she asked, but I knew she was playing with me.

"Zoe."

"Really?" she asked, frowning. "You haven't even spoken with her."

"Will didn't speak to you until later."

She shrugged. "It worked out for us in the end, but you saw the shit we went through to get there."

"Yeah." I knew it just as well as she did. I'd been there the entire time. I'd given Will a black eye he'd never forget when he'd stuffed up.

Looking up, I realized Zoe was peering at me with a strange expression on her face. Like she was worried about me. Like she knew I was going to fail before I even began and I didn't like it.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked with a scowl.

"You know you can be a little arrogant, right?"

"No way… really?" I slumped back into the couch.

"In the beginning, I wish Will had of just talked to me. You know about it. You were there. Cut out the dick and go straight to the nice guy."

"I'm not a dick."

"Of course you're not. You're my best friend. But Americans see our sense of humor differently. Instead of the loveable fool you are, you might come across like an arrogant wanker."

"Fuck, Zoe," I sighed, running a hand over my face. "Way to bring a guy down."

"You wanted my advice."

"I never asked for it."

"You didn't need to." She sat back next to me, and I wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I can see it every time you see me with Will."

"What do you mean?"

"You've always been on your own," she said carefully.

"That's by choice." No it wasn't.

"Dee," she scolded. "It's me you're talking to."

"Sorry."

"I know you want more. I saw it in your eyes this arvo. All I'm saying is don't throw yourself in too fast."

I felt my insides knot and I groaned. "You really get me with an accuracy that pisses me off."

"That's why we're besties." She punched me in the shoulder, and then planted a kiss on my cheek. "But before you go out, I want her resume on my desk."

I sunk my head back against the couch and laughed. When we'd started the band and Will came sniffing around, I'd told her that I wanted to see the resume of every guy she wanted to go out with. Now it was like a running joke and since I was single and she was taken, it was at my expense every time. I knew she didn't mean it in a nasty way, but I couldn't help but feel a little sad.

As soon as we stopped talking and turned our attention back onto Chris in the sound booth, my thoughts went straight to this Jessie. What did her voice sound like? Where was she from? And most importantly, why had this mystery woman sparked such a reaction in me?

If I didn't find out, I might as well just quit at life. Forever the nice guy finishing last.

I'd never been to Los Angeles before.

There were wide streets, palm trees and it was flat. I mean, there was high rises and all, but nothing like Manhattan. And the traffic was badder than bad. The sky always seemed to be blue and it had this haze, like the desert had kicked up a dust storm and flung it over the city.

"Jessie?"

At the sound of my name, I sat up sharply in the back of the town car and flicked on my tablet. I sat next to Georgie, one of the executives at Galaxy Records who often went out sucking up to bands. She's the spitting image of Joan Jett, tall, leggy and tough, while I was this tiny little mousey blonde whatever.

"Is it too late to go to the studio? What was their schedule?"

I looked down at the tablet. "They'll still be there. They're booked until midnight."

"Good." Georgie tapped the driver's shoulder and barked the name of the recording studio in his ear and I even I was sorry for his hearing.

Sinking back into the leather seat, I watched the city go past. It was so different here from where I grew up. So glitzy. I was from Montreal, Canada, but I'd moved to New York the first chance I got. How could I not? Music was my blood and it was the home of everything from Broadway to Punk Rock. People went there to follow their dreams of stardom and it was only natural I went too. Except, I didn't want to be a star. I wanted to help others become them.

Six days a week I interned at Galaxy Records. Five nights a week I worked at a cafe in Brooklyn. It was an alternative place, attracting artists and musicians. You know the type. We stayed open until ten thirty every night and the atmosphere turned dark and dangerous. The place was crammed full of old couches and armchairs complete with side tables and lamps. I'd made some good friends there, so I didn't mind the minimum wage. Tips were good because we had a lot of regulars and the boss didn't mind my rotating schedule.

It had taken me a lot to get to where I was. Falling to rock bottom in spectacular fashion and clawing my way back up. I was pretty lucky my life was back on track and going somewhere other than down the toilet. It really had been a close call. Twenty-four and still figuring it out.

Galaxy Records sounded like a label from the early nineties, but it had been around since the seventies. Despite the name, they were one of the biggest out there for rock, indie and alternative guitar and electro bands. When I was in my teens, I'd been a bit of a rebellious punk rocker, so this kind of music was my life, but I had no skill for singing or playing. I tried with disastrous results and cringed every time I thought about how bad I was.

Now, I wanted to get my foot in the door anyway I could. If I couldn't play, then I'd manage, or market, or scout, or anything. Somehow I'd got an internship at the label in the marketing team and had been working hard ever since. Mostly, I ran around after Georgie. She's in charge of a bands image, so it's all photo shoots, music videos and album releases. All the juicy stuff. It doesn't matter that I go out to get her lunch, it matters that I make most of the inane phone calls and tag along to meetings and shoots. It matters who I get to meet and the impression I make. I wanted to be better at Georgie's job that Georgie was, so one day they'd offer it to me.

But, all that schmoozing came with great responsibility. Integrity. The one thing that I promised myself I wouldn't do was to get involved personally with the bands. I got to meet a lot of musicians and they were all the same. Smooth talking assholes that only thought about their dicks. I guess I was pretty enough to warrant an attempt, but they never got anywhere. I'm sure Georgie slept with her fair share of rockers, but I wasn't Georgie.

So, when we inevitably came out to LA to see this new band that had been blowing up the office, The Devil's Tattoo, I was excited. I really dug their stuff. A girl and three guys from Australia. I'd always wanted to go there.

I'd spoken with their manager, Simone Glass, on a few occasions organizing some promo and she was the sweetest thing. I hoped they were all like that. We'd worked out a short but full schedule for the next few days. Georgie and I would go to see their last day of recording, depending on our flight. Then we had a dinner and the usual club outing that the label liked bands to endure in LA. Then there were a few interviews and a one off gig, which I was really looking forward to. Apparently they were really good to see live and I'd get to experience it side of stage.

It was still only around five pm when we got to the studio and we were let right in. This was nothing new for me, walking into the middle of a session, someone in the booth recording while the rest of the band lounged around, bored out of their brains with all the waiting. But when we went in, three of the four members of The Devil's Tattoo got straight up and cheerfully introduced themselves.

The woman I knew to be the lead singer was first in line and she was better looking in person than in the promo shots.

"Zoe," she said, shaking my hand. "Nice to meet you."

"I'm Jessie and likewise." She seemed friendly enough, which was a surprise.

The guy with the shaved head stood forward. "I'm Frank," he winked and I knew he was trouble.

"This is Chris," Simone said and he came forward to shake our hands. He seemed almost shy, but I knew he was with Simone.

Once everyone was done introducing themselves, I turned my attention back to Georgie, who was looking at the guy in the booth and I saw a gleam in her eye.

"That's Dee," Zoe said, watching me, watching Georgie.

"We weren't expecting you," Simone began. "And we've got this last song to do before our time's up. It was a last minute decision to add it into the album. We're thinking it'll be the first single."

"We want it to be," Zoe said, glancing at the guy in the booth.

I looked up through the soundproof glass for the first time and my eyes instantly locked with his. There was a horrible scratching sound as he messed up his take and I covered my mouth with a hand, stifling a laugh, but everyone else was falling over themselves.

He hit the intercom and said, "Start it again." His voice was one hundred percent sexy. I didn't know how I could come to that conclusion from three little words, but he was so Australian it hurt. I was a sucker for an accent. And his eyes. I felt like fanning myself.

I locked eyes with Zoe and she smiled, probably guessing that I was currently in the state of melting under those dark brown eyes of Dee, whatever his last name was.

"Sorry, it's a fleeting call," Georgie was saying. "We have a full schedule for you guys over the next few days, so we just wanted to stop by and introduce ourselves. Anything you need, Simone has Jessie's number, so give us a call."

"Thanks, Georgie, Jessie," Simone said diplomatically. I'm sure they did things differently in Australia. Galaxy were more about the glitz and the dollar signs and I got the feeling, even from this short meeting, that the band wasn't into it that much. And that made me like them even more.

I didn't dare look back into the booth as we left the studio, the muted sounds of whatever part the guitarist was playing seeping out of the sound tech's headphones.

The outer door closed behind us and we walked towards the car, the look that guy had given me, playing on my mind.

"Cute, isn't he?" Georgie drawled and I shuddered internally. Of course she'd go there.

"I guess," I replied nonchalantly. The guitarist was smoking hot, but I didn't want to say it. It'd just encourage her.

"He was checking you out." It came out a little resentful.

"Don't be silly, Georgie," I said. "You know what I'm like."

She smiled at me wickedly and I was suddenly sorry for the guy. The next few days were going to be very interesting and I hoped it wouldn't include any damage control.

I stood next to Zoe in the middle of a very busy LAX, terminal whatever, my hands shoved in my pockets. Something about airports put me off. I mean, someone was always leaving or coming back and I was the kind of guy who liked to stick around. Maybe that was my problem. Not being able to let go.

Suddenly, Zoe ran forward and I watched as she launched herself onto a tired looking Will as he dropped his suitcase to catch her. I fucking loved that she was so happy. And Will was a great guy. He had a strange way of going about shit, and it took me a while to like the guy, but he was alright. They were solid. I wanted to be solid.

I felt like suck a jerk for being jealous of what they had, but I still grinned watching their reunion. They hadn't seen each other in a while and knowing how mental they were about each other, this was pretty warranted. We'd been in the US almost three months all told, and we all still had another three on our visas. I knew Zoe and Will were taking a trip together to see some of the country and the others were going home, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to do yet. I had the cash if I wanted to travel, but I wouldn't be going with the lovebirds. That would be depressing.

For once we didn't have any commitments with the band other than what the label had scheduled over the next couple of days. We hadn't stopped since we'd started two years ago and everyone was gunning for a break. We were all still in love with the band and that would probably never change, but sometimes you just need some time.

"Hey, mate," Will said, finally coming over.

"'Sup," I clapped him on the shoulder. "Shitty flight?"

"Fourteen hours of pure hell."

"Yeah, but it's worth it with her at the end, right?" I said slyly, giving Zoe a wink.

"You know it," he grinned, sweeping her into his arms again.

I grabbed his suitcase and walked in front of them towards the taxi rank. I'd come with Zoe because I couldn't think of anything worse than sitting in my hotel room alone with my own thoughts. Honestly, I was depressed. Without the distraction of touring and gigs to play, I'd just spiraled down and down. I mean, recording was great, but it wasn't a stage. And I especially didn't want to be alone with my own thoughts after last night.

That conversation with Zoe. Locking eyes with the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, Jessie. Knowing that they were taking us out tonight. Fuck. The shit I'd said to Zoe about it. I hoped she would keep that to herself.

Outside, I turned around to make sure the dynamic duo were following and watched as they stopped beside me, Zoe's hand rammed in the back pocket of Will's jeans. I didn't want to look at that, but my mind wandered to the place where all guys’ minds wandered. Jessie's hands.

"Are you coming to the dinner tonight?" I asked Will to distract myself.

"Just the dinner," he replied as we joined the line at the taxi rank. "I want to catch up with everyone before you all split."

"Fair enough," I shrugged. "What's the plan? Where are you guys going first?"

"Las Vegas first," he said. "Zoe wants to see the Grand Canyon, then it's down towards New Orleans, Alabama, Florida."

When he mentioned Las Vegas it made me think about Route 66. That sounded like an idea. Maybe that's what I'd do.

"No tours or anything," Zoe said to Will as if she was reminding him. "All DIY. I like the thrill of discovery."

When it was our turn in line, I thumped the boot of the taxi and the driver popped it open and I shoved the suitcase inside. As Zoe jumped inside, Will held me back. "Are you okay?" he asked. "You seem a little off."

"Yeah," I lied. "Recording is a bit, you know."

He frowned at me.

"You know me, mate. I like to be on a stage."

He smiled, but I knew I wasn't fooling him. He didn't push me for more and slid into the back of the taxi next to Zoe. I got in the opposite side, sandwiching her in the middle.

As we made our way back into the city, I watched the world go past as Will and Zoe talked about the flight, recording, whatever seemed to come into their heads. Everything was back to front here. They drove on the right. Their cars were ass about. When the speed limit was sixty, that was fast. And it was just as hot as an Australian summer, though I hadn't got my head around the whole Fahrenheit Celsius thing. All hail the metric system.

Despite all of that, I kind of liked America. It was something different, something fresh and maybe that's what I needed to get myself out of this funk. Pining over a woman would probably make it worse, especially if she shot me down. Jessie would shoot me down and I didn't even know her yet.

By the time we got back to the hotel it was almost time to go out again and we planned to rendezvous out front in an hour or so. My idea of getting ready was to have a quick shower, forgo shaving, throwing on a 'nice' pair of jeans and a t-shirt with some random band logo and a beat up denim jacket. I didn't do shoes, I did boots. Shove my phone in my pocket and I was complete.

I didn't really care that much about how I looked, but I found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror wondering what this Jessie would see. Handsome Aussie rocker, or deadbeat busker? I could probably be either, minus the handsome part.

My lifestyle pre-band wasn't ideal for my parents. Starving busker wasn't really their thing. I guess they wanted me to become a doctor or a lawyer or settle into a nothing middle management job with a steady income. Too bad I was dumb as dog shit. The only things I had aptitude for were books and music. I always got top grades in Drama. I didn't go to Uni or TAFE. I went to Centrelink and got an unemployment payment and sat on the street busking from dawn till dusk.

I didn't have a secret past. I didn't have anything horrible happen to me like Zoe. I was just a guy. I'd probably made some stupid decisions in my time, but nothing epic. Hell, I'd never had a steady girlfriend before. Twenty-five and perpetually single.

It wasn't like I was ugly. Shit, I had my fair share of attention from girls, but I wasn't into casual stuff like that. I was old fashioned. I wanted a relationship. I wanted to fall in love. I didn't want meaningless, I wanted meaningful.

So, that was my inspiration for approaching Jessie. Talk to her like Zoe had suggested and ask her out on a date. Fucking hell, I wanted to kiss her, but I also wanted to know what she was about. What she liked and disliked. Where she grew up. What music she liked. Why she was interning and not running the show. When I saw her I'd knew what to do.

Sitting in the back of the town car that was taking us over to the restaurant, Zoe crammed in next to me and Frank, squashing me in the middle.

"What, not riding with lover boy?" I asked with a small smile.

"Nope." She patted me on the knee as Frank typed a message into his phone. "Are you really okay, Dee?"

"Yes," I snorted as the car pulled out into traffic.

"Dee, seriously." Frank elbowed me sharply.

"Is this an intervention? Because you need something to intervene," I said sarcastically, eying the driver in the rearview mirror, but his eyes were fixed on the road.

"C'mon." Zoe smiled kindly, threading her arm through mine. "I haven't seen you this down before. Ever."

"What do you want me to say, Zo? I don't know. Here's me," I held out a hand, "and here's my wits end." I clapped both together.

"He's got the hots for a girl, Will style," Frank said and I remembered our short convo the night before at the studio. The 'I saw her first' shenanigans.

"So, what are you gunna do about it?" Zoe asked, pulling my hands down. She knew this already from our awkward deep and meaningful at the studio.

"Tonight?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah."

"Talking is a good start," I huffed. I'd already planned it.

"Try not to be a smart ass," Frank suggested.

I scoffed. "Thanks for the advice, mate."

He grinned stupidly at me as the car pulled out front of the restaurant. "Any time."

As he got out, Zoe leaned into me and whispered, "Never take advice from a drummer." Despite myself, I let out a laugh and she slapped me on the chest. "That's my Dee."

As we stood on the footpath and the others joined us, she let me go and went over to Will. As my eyes followed my best friend, they kept going and latched straight onto the woman I'd seen at the studio last night. The woman whose name hadn't left my head. Jessie. She was standing less than three feet away and she was even more stunning close up. Tall, delicate, almond skin, dark blonde hair that she'd tied up into a messy do at the nape of her neck. She was just as underdressed as I was. Tight back jeans and a slouchy t-shirt, but she had on a black blazer that hugged her waist and stilettos on her feet made her almost as tall as me. I couldn't have looked away even if I wanted to. There was something about her that just made my eyes latch onto her and not want to let go and I was determined to find out what it was.

She looked up as if she sensed I was staring at her and her eyes met mine and they were just as captivating as the night before. And then she smiled and I knew I was a goner.

"Hey, I'm Jessie," she said, her accent hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"Hey," I said, almost choking on that one simple word. She was there with her pretty doe eyes and she split my head in half. Suddenly, I didn't know what to say and I was reduced to a blubbering idiot.

"What's your name?" she asked. "I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to meet yesterday."

"Dee," I declared a little too abruptly.

"C'mon, that's not your real name." She smiled crookedly, as if she knew the effect she had on me.

"Yes it is," I scoffed. "D for dangerous. E for enigmatic and E for-"

"Egotistical?"

Damn. "I've been called vain, but never egotistical." I gave her a wink for good measure.

She rolled her pretty brown eyes and shook her head. The other label rep, the one I knew was called Georgie, came out of the restaurant and ushered us in and I lost my chance to say anything else. Probably a good thing because my foot was already in it.

The whole time we sat at that dinner, I hardly said two words back to back, which was unusual for me. Zoe kept kicking my shin under the table and giving me looks. What was I meant to do? If I opened my mouth, I was seriously gunna say something stupid.

The conversation naturally revolved around music and the band, which was my favorite topic. Seriously, I could talk about it until I was blue in the face, but right now I was obliterated by the woman who sat opposite me. Everything she did my eyes followed, even when I wasn't looking at her. I'd been reduced to a fifteen year old and it didn't escape my notice that Georgie deliberately placed herself next to me and kept rubbing her arm against mine. If I edged my chair any further away, I'd be sitting in Zoe's lap.

I got the feeling Georgie was an easy street to go down, but I had no intention of going there. She'd be sorely disappointed to find out that I didn't fit the stereotype. Besides, I had eyes for her PA, who had been looking at her boss disapprovingly all night. That was a glaring indicator right there.

When we stood outside again, I was in two minds. I wasn't into it, but I wanted to be near Jessie.

"Are you coming out?" Simone asked, her arm linked with Chris'.

"C'mon," he said, nodding towards the waiting car. "It'll be bloody horrible."

That was code for, lets go and laugh at the joint, but even then I wasn't sure. Part of me wanted to go out so I could have a few drinks to steady my nerves and part of me wanted to run back to the hotel. And a huge part of me wanted to go so I could have a chance to talk to Jessie again. Naturally, Zoe and Will bailed, but Frank came up behind us and pushed me into the car with Chris and Simone, making the decision for me.

Looked like I was going in head first.

The club was just as we expected it would be. Flashy and fake.

The whole red carpet and rope business. I was severely underdressed in my denim jacket, jeans and beat up boots, but that didn't seem to matter. Not when Galaxy were sticking their name on it.

What else could I say about the place? Nothing that anyone wouldn't already know. I really couldn't care. As soon as we were inside, everyone went straight to the bar and I stood back, my eyes following Jessie's every move. All those smart things I'd thought up to start a conversation had fucked off somewhere else and my head was scrambled and the loud music didn't help.

I leaned against an island table, ignoring the looks a group of scantily clad, orange Oompa Loompa tanned girls were throwing me.

Simone stood beside me, putting a drink on the table in my line of vision. "Scotch," she said when I gave her a look. "Double."

"Thanks."

Leaning forward on the table, my eyes inevitably went to the bar where Jessie was talking with Frank. I scowled at them and a small part of me was annoyed at him for being so... Frank.

Simone followed my gaze and nudged me with her shoulder. "Have you talked to her?"

"She already shot me down," I grumbled, fiddling with a coaster.

"Since when did that stop you?"

I looked up at her and shrugged. We were good friends, but I'd only talk about this stuff with Zoe normally. But, Zoe wasn't here.

Simone slid her arm across my back and gave me a small hug. "I get it."

I looked up at her with a raised eyebrow, but she just walked off into the crowd with a smile, leaving me alone.

"Dee Cosgrove."

I looked up at the sound of a female voice. From the broad New York accent it could only be Georgie. My first thought was, here we go, and that wasn't meant in a good way.

"Georgie," I said politely, straightening up.

"What are you doing here on your own?"

"Enjoying some alone in a crowd time."

She smiled widely, not getting my meaning. "How have you enjoyed recording in LA so far? I hope Galaxy is doing everything we can to make your stay enjoyable."

I knew that was a euphemism, but I chose to shudder internally and ignore it. "Recording has been fine. Short, but fine."

"You know, if there's anything I can do for you, I mean anything," she said, pressing closer to me, "all you have to do is say the word."

I tried to angle myself away from her, but she was… there and I was too polite. Glancing over at the bar, I caught Jessie's eye and her lips quirked into a knowing smile. I coaxed my expression into one that said 'save me' and she must have let out an exasperated sigh, because her shoulders rose and fell dramatically.

"And of course we want to take you right to the top," Georgie was saying, her hand on my forearm and her breast jammed against my arm.

I nodded uncomfortably, watching Jessie approach out the corner of my eye.

"Dee," came Jessie's velvet voice. "If you have a second, I just want to ask you about tomorrow's concert."

Georgie stepped back glaring at her PA. "Do you have to annoy him with this now?"

"It's fine," I said. "I don't mind."

The older woman gave Jessie another glare for good measure and stalked off, disappearing into the throng of people grinding on the dance floor.

"Thanks," I said, giving her my trademark sexy smile. "She's a bit..."

"Slutish?"

I snorted, stifling a laugh. "I was gunna say special, but that works." She looked around the club uncomfortably probably realizing she shouldn't have said that to 'the band'. I had no intention of ratting her out.

After a second, she smiled thinly and said, "Look, I was a bit short with you before, I'm sorry. It's just this business you know." She rolled her eyes dramatically.

"I know what you mean."

She straightened up and held out a slender hand. "Jessie Ware."

"Dylan Dee Cosgrove," I said emphasizing my nickname. When I slid my hand into hers I almost had a heart attack. "Can I buy you a drink?" No harm in asking.

"No," she said with a smirk, dropping my hand.

"Damn, you really know how to shoot a guy down in two seconds flat."

"I do my best." Her accent sounded strange. Not quite American.

"Where are you from?" I asked and she sunk back a little, surprised.

"I'm from Montreal."

"Canada?"

She nodded. "French-Canadian."

"So you speak French?"

"Yes."

I hesitated, looking over at the bar where Frank was giving me two thumbs up.

"Do you like LA?" Jessie asked, making me turn my attention back to her.

I frowned and shook my head. Best to go the honest route.

"Not your thing?" Her head cocked to the side and I imagined running my fingers down her slender neck.

"No," I said kind of dazed. "I don't like…" I couldn't think of a nice word, so I just gestured around us at the fakery of the club.

She smiled widely, her shoulders sagging as if she was relieved. "I know what you mean."

"I just want to play, you know. I don't care about all this. I just…" I ran a hand over my face, suddenly embarrassed.

"It's about music for you?" she asked. "Not the money?"

I nodded, watching her expression change and I wondered what she was thinking. What was she in it for?

"How about that drink?" she asked and my eyebrows rose. "Hurry up or I might change my mind."

"What do you like?" I asked with a lopsided grin.

"Scotch. Straight up."

"Really?"

"Why do you sound so surprised?" She was something else.

"I don't know that many women who like hard liquor. At least not straight up." And that was the truth.

Walking up to the bar, she was served almost instantaneously and I held my fingers up at the bartender indicating we wanted two of. He looked me over and shrugged. Serve the pretty girl and try and pick her up? Not while I was around. I watched Jessie as she stood next to me, trying to figure out what she was thinking, but she was a closed book.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, scowling at me. Like she didn't know.

I grinned knowingly at her and asked, "Are you coming to the show tomorrow?" We had a gig at a local rock venue and it was the one ray of light in the blackness of recording. That was, until Jessie Ware had turned up.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it."

"Really?" I asked as our drinks were placed in front of us. I handed the guy a twenty without taking my eyes from Jessie's. At least I hoped it was a twenty.

She turned face on to me, a scowl marring her features. "Why are you always surprised? Everything I say you come back with 'really?' I'm not sure how to take it."

I leant against the bar, studying the contents of my glass. "It's just. You surprise me."

"How?"

How? How could I explain that every single word that came out of her mouth imbedded itself in my heart without coming off like a creep? I snorted and shook my head. I'd have to ask Will about that one.

"What?" she asked again and thumped me in the arm, the contact sending my body straight to a dirty place.

"You're with the label," I began, my eyes running over her face and over her tattooed arm. "I expected Georgie, but I didn't expect you."

A look flashed in her eyes that I didn't understand and she shrunk back, downing the last of her scotch. "Thanks for the drink," she said, dumping the empty glass on the bar and just walked away, merging into the crowd.

I straightened up, running a hand through my hair, heart thumping erratically in my chest. What the hell did I say?

Dee Cosgrove was not the kind of guy I was expecting him to be.

Even from the short conversation I'd had with him, he seemed down to earth. He even seemed to have the same thoughts about the whole label facade. I couldn't deny that I found him attractive, but his comment about the club not being his thing had sparked my interest.

"I can't believe it," Georgie declared, throwing her head back against the seat.

I had to ride with her back to the hotel or I was positive she wouldn't get there. And the woman was my boss. The shining example I was meant to mold myself into. Unlikely.

When I didn't answer her she said, "That Dee Cosgrove is damn fine. I can't believe he wasn't interested."

I knew from the bands promo material that he was ten years younger than her. Twenty-five. A year older than me. "Maybe he has a girlfriend?" I offered, suddenly wondering myself.

"That's never stopped them before, honey."

I tried not to throw up in my mouth and just shrugged. Oh, I don't know. Maybe he had class? Georgie glared at me and let out a dramatic sigh, taking out her cell.

As much as I wanted to, I'd never ever talk back to her. She was my boss and even though I worked unpaid, she had the power to oust me from Galaxy and every other label in the country. I'd be lucky to get a job bussing tables at Hard Rock Cafe if I pissed her off. I knew what was good for me, even if she didn't.

Georgie might be a huge slut, but she was good at her job and she got results. People were afraid of her and rightly so. She was a massive diva and if she didn't get her way, then she was the kind of person who'd relish in getting people fired for messing up her lunch order.

"He was all over you," she declared suddenly.

"I don't go there, you know that."

She scoffed loudly, flinging her cell back into her bag. "If I can't fuck him, then you may as well."

I almost choked only own spit. "Georgie!"

"You're all so goodie two shoes," she slurred. "News flash Jessie-J. If you want to get to where I am, you need to uncross those legs of yours." She slapped my knee.

I felt my face redden and my eyes flickered to the driver, but he didn't flinch. At least someone in this car was professional.

"I saw the way he was looking at you."

"Well," I said firmly. "I don't go there, so I'm just going to keep my legs together."

She looked me up and down resentfully, shaking her head, shaggy dyed black hair sticking to her face. When she slumped back into the seat again, it was back into a sullen silence and I was grateful she'd let it drop for now.

My mind went to that obvious place, the one where I wondered what it would be like to kiss Dee Cosgrove. Whether he tasted as sweet as he came across, or if he was dirty and wicked. I swallowed hard. I could not be having these thoughts.

I didn't sleep with guys to have a good time or to further my career. I wasn't like that. He lived in Australia. I lived in New York. If I was fucking Dee Cosgrove, it would be in a relationship. And that was not going to work. For one, I didn't even know the guy.

All these dirty thoughts were counter productive. I just had to let it drop and get through the next few days with my integrity intact. Dee Cosgrove was a client. Nothing more.

Since Zoe had moved out of our hotel room to stay with Will, I was alone with myself and that wasn't a good thing. By the time she stopped by the next morning, I was bouncing off the walls, flipping channels on the tellie, scribbling in my notebook, anything to keep my mind off the inevitable.

Letting her in, I scanned the hallway behind her. "What, no lover boy?"

"No," she rolled her eyes at me. "I let him sleep in after his crappy flight. He'll be at the gig later. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

She gave me a look, which was all she ever seemed to do lately.

"What?" I grumbled. "You know me. I'm a loose cannon without an audience."

"Okay," she said with an air of whatever and flung my denim jacket at me. "We're on the clock. Let's get going."

We rode the elevator down to the hotel foyer in silence, which was strange for us. We usually had so much to talk about, most of it usually crap.

"What's with the lack of decibels, Dee Dee?"

I shrugged, my usual upbeat nature gone out the window.

"How was the club last night?"

"Terrible," I muttered.

"And?"

"And what?"

"Did you talk to her?"

"Talk to who?" I asked, knowing full well who she was referring to.

"Jessie."

She had to go and say her name didn't she? My jaw tensed.

"What happened?"

"Yeah, I talked to her," I said. "Georgie tried it on and she came to save me."

"Bloody, Georgie," Zoe laughed. "That woman is merciless."

"And almost ten years older than me."

"Don't you wanna be her toy boy?" She made a kissy face at me and I laughed at her lame joke, circling an arm around her neck and pulling her into my side.

"In her dreams." At least I was in someone's dreams.

"What about your dreams?"

"Shit, Zoe," I cursed as the elevator door slid open with a ding.

As we walked out into the foyer where Chris, Simone and Frank were waiting for us, she pulled away and thumped me in the arm.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"Don't have such a defeatist attitude. That's anti-Dee. I don't know who you are."

"Ugh," I rolled my eyes. "Let's just get through this shoot. You know I'm my best on my own turf. I'll win her through music." I added a wink for good measure.

She gave me a half-smile as we joined the others. We had a photo shoot to endure this morning before going to sound check later on. Galaxy had wrangled us a last minute page in the upcoming issue of Rolling Stone and it had to be done today or not at all. Massive exposure, but one of my least favorite things to do. You think for someone with a vain streak like mine I'd be all over it like a rash, but I was hotter for a stage and an audience, not a single photographer. Numbers was where it was at.

We rode in two separate town cars over to the studio and the closer we got, the more my stomach churned and by the time we actually got there I was a quivering mess. The only thing that saved me from being found out was that everyone was excited about the gig later on. And when we inevitably ran into Georgie, it was sans Jessie and disappointment flared, stabbing me right where it hurt.

As soon as we were all there, we were dragged in separate directions and I didn't have time to dwell. Apparently we were on a tight schedule and I just wanted to get outta there. An overzealous Georgie pushed me into a chair in front of a mirror and I caught Zoe and Simone looking at me in the reflection, both of them stifling laughs. This wasn't funny by a mile and all it did was make my blood boil.

The redheaded stylist grimaced at me as if she already knew what I was about to endure and I offered her a thin smile. Hurricane Georgie was at a category five and there was no indication she'd stop anytime soon.

"Now," Georgie declared, "hair messy and slicked back." She took this as an excuse to run both her hands back through my hair, her eyes fixed on mine in the mirror. How the hell couldn't she see that I was looking back with a mixture of horror and revulsion?

"And this stubble has to go," she said, running a hand over my jaw.

Shit, I was just sitting there like a deer caught in the headlights of the Georgie show while she pawed me like a horny teenager. I was way too nice to tell her hands off. A snort came from behind and I glared at Zoe in the mirror. Frank and Chris had joined them and they were all red faced, trying to keep their laughter in check. Fucking traitors. They were enjoying my suffering and the jokes I'd have to endure afterwards would be epic.

"Okay, got it," the stylist said, moving forward and she let me go. Sweet, sweet freedom.

It went like that for much of the shoot. To my annoyance, Georgie only seemed to have eyes for me and not Frank as she took it upon herself to arrange us just so. Even the photographer seemed to be annoyed at her, but at least she got results. We only had a couple of hours before we had to leave for sound check and she whipped everyone into top gear. Every other shoot we'd been on had lasted the best part of a day and this was a whirlwind compared to those.

"No, no, no!" Georgie walked towards us, waving her hands like some kind of banshee. "This isn't working. Where's the stylist? Zoe, darling, come here."

Zoe squeezed my hand as she was pulled across the studio, her eyes betraying the fact that she was trying to hold back laughter.

"We need to change her outfit," Georgie was saying to the flustered woman who was styling the shoot.

"Okay everyone," the photographer sighed dramatically like he was saying not again. "Take a break."

Sagging my shoulders in relief, I walked straight over to the pot of instant coffee that was set up on a wonky trestle table and poured a styrofoam cup to the brim.

"You know Georgie is making sexy eyes at you?" Simone whispered in my ear.

I groaned. "Don't remind me."

"Do I need to do something?" She was my friend, but she was still our manager and had a duty to look out for us professionally. There was no need to get worked up about it. We'd be done with the face-to-face tomorrow, but Jessie was also included in that equation and I wasn't ready to be done with her.

"No. She'll be gone tomorrow."

"That's pretty blatant sexual harassment."

I snorted. Dobbing in the over-enthusiastic Marketing Manager? There goes my manhood.

"Don't sound so enthused."

I rose my eyebrows at her.

"You and…" she began, but I clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Nothing happened," I said. "Keep your lips zipped, S."

Peeling my hand away, she laughed. "Okay, but keep an eye on the cougar. She's on the prowl."

"I don't know if I should be flattered or scared shitless," I groaned. "Why doesn't she go after Frank?"

"Because he's an acquired taste." Simone winked and took a few steps backward. "Eyes on the prize, Cosgrove."

Rolling my eyes, I waved her off and downed my cup of lukewarm coffee and made a face. Caffeine was caffeine.

"Okay," Georgie yelled, clapping her hands. "Places."

The photographer went nuts after that, flashing bulbs and elbowing Georgie out of the way when she got too close. All in all it was about fifteen minutes and we were done. Everyone had had enough of Georgie, but Georgie didn't seem to notice. I'd known the woman all of a day and already I knew I'd be glad to see the back of her.

They'd dressed us in Calvin Klein Hugo GAP whatever and the first chance I got I slipped away to change back into my own stuff. I didn't care for labels and fashion that much. Of course I knew image had a lot to do with a band, but shit, our image was nonchalance. Pulling on my own black jeans and boots, I yanked off the shirt and t-shirt the stylist had given me and reached for my own. That's when the door opened.

Tuning around, I expected to see Chris or Frank, but my mind instantly cursed on my behalf. Shit, fuck, ass.

"I'd hoped I'd get a chance to talk to you alone before the concert tonight," Georgie said, slinking over to me.

I had no shirt on and suddenly I felt my skin prickle. Not in a good way, either. As I went to pull on my t-shirt, she slid her hands on my wrists, stopping me.

"Georgie…"

"How about it?" she asked, her hands moving across my skin to my waist. "We've got time."

Yeah, maybe I should have been more assertive the night before instead of getting Jessie to save me. If I'd been less of a pussy, then maybe I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

Grabbing her wrists, I pried her hands from around my waist. "Not gunna happen."

"Are you sure?" she purred and I had to stop myself from visibly cringing. Women like her, who thought they could win over every guy with sex, turned me off.

"Positive." I let her go, pulling my t-shirt on and grabbing my jacket from the back of the chair.

"It's Jessie, isn't it?" she scoffed. "You want to fuck her, don't you?"

The way she said her name fuelled my annoyance into an inferno. She'd said it like she was some kind of pathetic ant she wanted to squash under her boot. She didn't seem to think much of her intern who seemed to put up with a lot of shit if her behavior right now was anything to go by. The sudden protective streak that flared in my gut scared the shit outta me.

"Never touch me again," I hissed and walked out, slamming the door behind me. I was seriously riled up. That woman was psycho.

Even if Jessie wasn't in the picture, I would never go there. I'd never done meaningless in my life and wasn't about to start because of a little bit of fame. Replace Georgie with Jessie and you had my fantasies becoming reality. Her hands could wander wherever the hell they wanted.

We had to be at sound check in an hour and all I wanted to do was get there so I could see her. I didn't know what the hell I was going to do, since it was probably the last chance I'd get, but I had to do something.

That night, our gig was slated in at Troubadour, which was meant to be some iconic rock venue that had seen everyone from Prince to Guns'n'Roses and unknowns in-between, but all I had been thinking about all day was you know who. After the shenanigans at the photo shoot all I could think about was trying to get her talking to me again. For Jessie to be able to put up with Georgie the bitch and have the demeanor she'd had thus far, then she must be something else.

Last night at the club, the few words we'd exchanged had been more meaningful than anything Georgie had spouted. Then she'd just walked away mid-conversation. That was weird wasn't it? It was weird. I didn't even say anything stalker-ish. Not really.

Troubadour was great and it exactly my kind of venue. The crowd could squash right up against the side of the stage and it was small, I mean a fair amount of people could cram inside and no doubt the place would be an oven in five seconds flat, but it was perfect. I should be excited. I was excited. I was amped so much Zoe kept giving me looks as we helped bring our gear inside. I knew I wasn't myself, but what could I do about it? Knowing there was an imminent encounter with Jessie screwed with my head. Maybe once I got on stage things would even out.

Hauling gear occupied my hands and it was probably the only thing keeping me together. I bet if Georgie found us helping the crew she'd blow an artery, but it was how we did things. We started out with nothing and would probably never forget it. Making it big for me wasn't ever about the money, though it was nice, it was about playing for as many people I could and I knew the guys were the same. Getting a deal didn't mean we had to turn into self-important assholes. That, and I didn't like anyone touching my guitar.

Standing on stage as the techs set up our gear, I wrapped an arm around Zoe's waist and said, "No more singin' in the shower, Zo Zo."

"I think we're well past that," she laughed.

"Miles past it."

"Feeling better?"

I gave her a squeeze. "Now I'm standing here, yeah."

She bumped against me with a grin and put a hand over my heart. "Love you, Dee Dee."

"At least somebody does," I winked, earning myself a slap on the arm.

A high pitched wolf-whistle split the close air of the venue, making us look up. "Hands off my girlfriend!"

Zoe's face split into a grin as she laid eyes on Will and promptly jumped off the stage and walked over to meet him. He was standing with Simone and Jessie and realizing she'd finally showed up, my heart did this little somersault in my chest. I locked my eyes onto her and what I wouldn't do to walk over there and slide my arms around her waist and pull her in...

"Stop slobbering, mate."

I looked around at Frank who was giving me a knowing grin. "Shut up."

"Seriously, you gotta calm down a little." He clapped me on the shoulder. "Focus." He had a point.

"I don't know how he did it."

"Who?"

"Will."

"Did what?"

"Dealt with being around Zo every day for weeks and not being able to have her."

"Man, the disease is spreading," he laughed, holding his hands out in mock defense. "Three out of four members of The Devil's Tattoo are pussy whipped. Get that shit away from me."

I rolled my eyes and shoved him playfully. "Better crack out the antibacterial wipes, dip shit."

He shoved me back, laughing. "Hey, maybe it's my turn next."

The sound guy, who'd introduced himself as Matt, came up behind us and said, "We're ready for you guys."

Nodding, I whistled at Zoe, waving her over. My vision crossed Jessie's and her expression fell and I wasn't sure what I should feel about that. I just… I just needed to focus.

With the house lights up, it wasn't the same as playing a show, but it calmed my nerves anyway. We played through the first single we'd ever put out, Walls and then through Red Heart. I was seriously hoping we'd have a good reception to that one, because I wanted it to be the first American single. Not just because I wrote it, but because it was everything that the band was about.

Despite being the one place I was most comfortable, I couldn't look up the entire time, knowing that Jessie was standing out in there middle of the empty room, listening to us. I just couldn't do it. I found myself wondering if this was how Zoe had felt that day when we'd first played a sound check in front of The Stabs. I wanted to ask her about it, but I couldn't talk to her about this. She was my best friend, but the thought of confiding in her was a little embarrassing. After all, I'd always been the strong one. I wasn't willing to give that up so easily.

When we came off, Jessie was standing side of stage and Georgie was back in the wings talking on her phone a mile a minute. I stopped in front of her, guitar in hand and said, "I missed you at the photo shoot today." I clamped my mouth closed, realizing what I'd just said. Missed her as in miss, missed her. It was the truth, but that was way to fast.

She laughed at the look of horror on my face.

"That's not exactly what I meant…" I began.

"Don't worry about it." She waved at hand at me like she didn't care. "Georgie sent me on some errands. I wasn't really needed anyway."

"Oh."

"How'd it go? With you know?"

I knew she was referring to Georgie's 'hands on' approach and I grimaced. "What can I say?"

"Yeah, she had a bitch to me about it already." When she saw the frown on my face she added, "Don't worry, nothing will come of it. She'll move on pretty quickly."

Actually, I was more worried about what Georgie said to her than anyone else. Before I could figure out what to say, the sound tech tapped me on the shoulder. "Doors in five."

That meant get off the stage, so I walked forward, placing a hand on the small of Jessie's back directing her into the wings and I was positive I felt her shudder. The thought made every single part of me hot… and a little hard.

"You guys were great just then," she said as if she was trying to draw my attention elsewhere.

"Thanks," I said, my hand falling away.

We stood outside the band room, both of us awkward. Was it the same for her, or was she just trying to find a way to discourage me?

"If you don't need anything, I better go find Georgie," she said, crossing her arms over her stomach. Definitely nervous, but I couldn't pinpoint the cause.

I was too chicken shit to come out and ask her the one thing I wanted, so I said, "Na, go for it," and elbowed my way into the band room to leave my guitar. As the door closed behind me, I let out a long sigh, running a hand through my hair. Time was running out and I was pissing in the ocean. After the gig. Yeah, I'd ask her after the gig.

When the house lights went down and The Devil's Tattoo went on it was like I'd come alive again. Music, being with my mates and just being in the moment filled my veins with life and it was better than any drug. I was a natural performer - I belonged here.

We probably played better than we'd ever had that night. Song after song went by with deafening applause and we were back. I was back. Every time I'd kneel beside the stage some chick would cop a feel. Hands would grab at my legs and normally I'd relish in it, but I only wanted one woman's hands on me.

I'd sneak glances towards the side of the stage, knowing Jessie was standing there watching us. If anyone else was there with her, I didn't notice. A few times I'd catch her eye and grin, finding the fact her eyes were on me incredibly hot. I hoped they didn't leave me for a second.

When we left the stage the first time before our encore, I brushed past her and said, "Having a good time?"

She looked up with a giddy smile and nodded. I didn't have time to ponder that as we went back out and played our last two songs. Red Heart and Bombard. Zoe was up on Frank's drum kit going at it hard and when she went to jump back down, I caught her in my arms and spun her around.

"This is the fuckin' dream," I murmured in her ear and she laughed, our guitars smashing together, sending out a burst of distortion.

"Amen," she yelled at the top of her lungs as Chris and Frank milked the applause. I was already dying to read the reviews that'd be out after that performance.

Once we'd come down a little from our stage highs, as I liked to call it, and the gear was taken care of, we all ventured out into the crowd much to Georgie's horror. That line that separated the band from everyone else only existed in her high and mighty head. Talking to people afterwards was one of the things that set us apart. Everyone was on our level and that's the way we wanted it to stay.

As I wandered through the crowd, I was stopped every so often and asked for a photo or a question about our album. I didn't mind in the slightest, actually it was kinda cool being in America and all. Cracking new territory wide open. People seemed to be excited to see us play and that was great for the band and did wonders for the state I'd worked myself up into while recording.

When I passed Zoe talking enthusiastically to a throng of male admirers I laughed as Will stood by fuming. She'd come so far in such a short amount of time and I was so fucking proud of her. Who'd have thought my little meek and mild Zo Zo would've turned out like this?

Finally making it near the bar, I stopped mid-stride when I caught sight of a familiar mousey blonde head in amongst the crowd. Jessie was standing there on her own, looking at the bright screen of her phone, oblivious to the noise around her. I'd never had the chance to just stand there and look at her. To take her in. She hadn't noticed me behind her, so I let my eyes wander to all the places I'd fantasized about at night. The curve of her neck, her full lips, her perfect ass. I instantly wondered what she would taste like.

Shaking my head, I brought myself back to reality. Now was my chance and I was missing it by ogling her ass? I'd ask her out right now. If she said yes, then cue the confetti. If she said no, then she'd leave for New York and I could start getting over this mental attraction. It was no secret I wanted the confetti.

"Hey," I said loudly so she could hear me over the music. She looked up into my eyes like she could see right through me and it took my breath away every single time.

"Hey."

"When are you going back to New York?"

Her eyes widened. "Um, we're sticking around for a few days," she shrugged. "Label stuff."

"Oh, you're still working?"

"Yeah, for a couple of days anyway."

"What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Oh, um…" She seemed to hesitate and I already had a vision of the amount of alcohol I'd be consuming post-rejection.

It was all or nothing. "If you're free, can I take you out? I mean, we could…" I took a deep breath. "Do you want to have dinner with me?" So. Fucking. Awkward.

She seemed taken aback for a moment, like it already wasn't glaringly obvious I had a hard on for her.

"It's okay," I shrugged when she was silent for too long. "Don't know if you don't ask." I tried not to let the disappointment show and took a step back formulating a drink order for when I got to the bar.

"Okay," she blurted and my heart sputtered.

"Okay?" I asked in surprise.

She nodded. "Okay."

I think I just fucking died.

By the time I crawled back to the hotel, it was nearly three am.

It blew me away how friendly The Devil's Tattoo were. Bands at their level usually didn't mix after concerts and it was strange to see them all wandering around in the crowd, talking to people, shaking hands, taking photos. They didn't seem to mind in the slightest. Some bands had this untouchable thing about them and they had that, but it didn't seem to change who they were or make them forget their roots. They had to be one of the most sincere and appreciative bands I'd worked with ever and that was saying a lot. I didn't know if it was an Australian thing, but damn. They had a huge future ahead of them whatever they chose to do.

There was no doubt Dee was talented, but I couldn't help but notice the moment he walked out onto that stage, the crowd in front of his mic suddenly morphed to one hundred percent female. He had a habit of kneeling right on the edge and without a barrier, it afforded greedy hands a chance to cop a feel. Every single time he'd get up close and personal, playing some moody, distorted riff, wandering hands would travel up his leg and this strange sensation would churn in my gut. I supposed it was jealousy, but I had no place being a green eyed monster. He wasn't mine.

I sighed, falling into bed, makeup and all. You didn't have to be a genius to see it, but Dee came alive on that stage. They all did, but the things he'd said to me at the club suddenly made a lot more sense. Music was his life. Without it he floundered.

Lying back in bed, my mind couldn't focus on anything else but the gig. The way his fingers travelled up and down the neck of his guitar, the way he moved around the stage… Dee Cosgrove was a beast. I mean, no wonder every woman in the place had their eye on him.

I suddenly felt disappointed that I missed the photo shoot. I knew exactly why Georgie had sent me out to do her dirty work. Meaning her laundry, gag. She wanted me out of the picture so she could try it on with Dee and obviously she'd failed. Hard.

A smug smile crept onto my face at the though of Georgie being taken down a few pegs. We can't always get what we want. She'd bitched about it on the way to the Troubadour and I was oddly satisfied and hella impressed with Dee's own sense of professionalism. We had something in common that wasn't music and the thought warmed my insides.

Closing my eyes, my thoughts drifted straight back to a dirty place and my hands began to wander over my stomach. Just the thought of him made that spot between my legs ache. In the privacy of my own hotel room I could indulge. It didn't hurt, right? Looking up at the ceiling I knew his room was two floors above mine. It was my job to know these things. That wasn't stalker-ish at all. I wondered what he was doing right now.

My fingers pressed into my clit and I let out a moan, wishing they were Dee's and I pulled away with a hiss. He was with the band. I was with the label. I didn't mix with the band on a personal level. Never. I couldn't think these things.

Honestly? I wanted to know what made Dee tick. He wasn't like other guys and he'd made that glaringly obvious. Sure, he had that dirty sex thing going on big time, but that wasn't why I was drawn to him. Was it? After my last attempt at a relationship, I wasn't really that well adjusted. It'd taken me a hell of a lot to get back to a point where I was able to even accept a date... and to do it with a guy in a band I was meant to be working with? Damn, I was so confused.

But, it was just a date right? That didn't mean there had to be all that other stuff, did it? We were just gonna get something to eat, right?

Famous last words.

Yet again, I stood in a busy, full-throttle LAX. But instead of waiting for an arrival, this time we were watching half our family leave for home. Zoe, Will and I lingered out the front of Passport Control with Chris, Simone and Frank, who all held their boarding passes in their hands. It was hard to see them go after so long together. I knew I'd see them when I got back, whenever that was, but I already missed them.

While Zoe was talking to the others, Simone sidled up next to me and asked, "How'd it go? I saw you talking with Jessie last night."

I grinned and elbowed her gently.

"Yeah?" she exclaimed.

"I'm taking her out tonight." I couldn't help grinning.

"Way to go." She raised her fist and I bumped mine against hers. "I told you."

"No you didn't."

"Did so. At the club."

"If you say so."

"You're gunna be fine," she said giving me a hug, her head resting against my chest.

"Do you think she kisses on the first date?" I asked and she pulled back, laughing.

"I'm gunna miss you, Cosgrove."

"I'm sure I'll have some outrageous demand I'll need fulfilling soon enough." I leant over and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Keep it real, S."

"Hey, we better go going," Chris said, tugging on Simone's arm.

Hugging the guy’s goodbye they offered one last wave before wandering off to that weird place between countries. Which was just one big waiting room, but still weird.

As they disappeared out of sight, my shoulders sagged. I still had Zoe and Will next to me, but I suddenly began to feel alone. That was bad news. All caps. Zoe threaded her arm through mine and her other through Will's.

"Two hot guys on my arm," she laughed, pulling us away. "We'll see them again, Dee Dee. It's not the season premiere of Lost. They won't crash on a mysterious island with a smoke monster."

"I know."

"I know what it's like," Will said. "You get used to having the guys around and when they're gone it's bloody quiet."

"It'll be good to have a little break. You can do whatever you want," Zoe continued. "What are you going to do?"

As we walked through the crowd of travellers back out to the taxi rank to find a ride back into the city, I wondered the same thing. That would depend on how things went with Jessie. I wanted to see New York, but I didn't want to follow her or anything. Not if she didn't want me to.

"I dunno," I said truthfully. "I'm gunna stay here a few days then decide. Maybe San Francisco. New York. Las Vegas."

"Hey, maybe we could meet up somewhere along the way."

"Maybe."

As we stood in line, it didn't escape me that Zoe was watching me with that look on her face. You know, that look that women get when they know you're trying to say shit to please them? That one.

"What was Simone talking to you about before? She seemed rather excited about something."

Will looked up like he was interested, but he offered a small grimace as if he knew. Brothers-in-arms and all. "Nothing."

"Dee, you made me talk about shit all the time when Will," she smiled up at him, "gave me the run around. If something's messing with you, you can tell me."

"Nothing's messing with me," I blatantly lied. I didn't know why I wanted to keep things from Zoe. Maybe it was a strength thing. I'd never really had any massive problems before - none that needed a deep and meaningful and especially crap that needed to be said in front of Will.

"Okay," she said. "We'll talk later."

"I'm busy later."

She turned to face me front on, a knowing look on her face. "Really? Doing what?"

"I'm going out."

"With Jessie?"

"What are you my Mum now?"

"Nice work." Will fist bumped me, earning him an elbow in the gut from Zoe.

"Where are you going?"

I shrugged.

"You haven't thought about where you're taking her?"

I shrugged again. I was too busy compiling a list of conversation topics because if I winged that part of the date I'd be a blubbering idiot.

"Dee."

"I'll work it out. I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm not out to be something I'm not and something I'm not is a planner."

For the second time in as many days, we sat in the back of a taxi all the way back into central LA, my mind all over the place.

"Just be yourself," Zoe said. "That's why we love you. It's why I love you."

"Be myself, huh?"

"You're a good guy," Will put in. "If she can't see it then, meh. Depends on how much you want her."

Well, I'd soon find out. By the time we got back to the hotel, I wouldn't have much time to contemplate it, let alone have a shower.

"Advice taken under consideration," I grinned. If there was one thing I was good at, it was being myself.

307.

I looked at the gold numbers on the door and took a deep breath. Checking my phone again, it told me it was six fifty nine. I knocked before I could back out, then rubbed my sweaty palms against my jeans.

The door opened a moment later and I almost swallowed my tongue. Jessie stood there, smiling up at me and I was gob smacked. I don't know what I was going to say, but mind, erased. She was wearing tight black pants with a dark grey shirt with studs around the collar, sleeveless so her tattoo was on full show. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I shoved my hands deep into my pockets. Her hair was all done up with little pieces trailing around her face and neck, the kind that begged to be tucked behind her ear as an excuse to trail a hand across her cheek. She looked stunning and I suddenly felt way underdressed in my black jeans, slouchy white t-shirt and denim jacket.

"Hey," she said, her perfume wafting out into the hall and smacking me around the face. All vanilla and spice.

"Hey." For added awkward points, I added, "You look nice." Out of all the words in the fucking dictionary, I chose nice?

She stifled a laugh, her eyes narrowing. "Thanks."

"Are you ready?"

"Yep. Have you decided on a place?" she asked, closing the door behind her.

"No," I admitted. "I was just gunna wing it. I don't know that much about LA."

As we walked down the hall, she began chatting like we were old friends and my chest swelled. "Well, I was looking online and I found this traditional American Diner which is meant to be amazing. So, as you're a guest in this country it's my duty to give you the full treatment."

I hoped the full treatment included a kiss at the end of the night.

"Greasy, sugar, fat loaded carbs."

I rose an eyebrow.

"What? Can't a girl eat a greasy hamburger once in a while?"

"Sounds good." I pressed the button to the elevator about a million times.

"Don't do that. It doesn't come any faster if you keep pushing it," she laughed, grabbing my hand.

Instantly, I felt sparks run up my skin. You know, up until that point I thought that was crap made up for girls to read about in romance novels, but her skin against mine was… well, I imagine that's what it'd feel like to stick a knife in a toaster and fry yourself. Then, when we stood in the car in the way down to the foyer, the air felt like it was crackling. How could you not feel that?

The door opened with a ding and fresh air hit my flushed face. As Jessie walked out in front of me, I let my eyes travel down her back, across her ass and down to her shoes, which were those slouchy biker boots women liked to wear. Nice.

"The Diner's just down the street, actually," she said, almost catching me staring at her backside. "We can walk it if you want."

"Sure." She could have said anything right then and my answer still would have been, sure.

The Diner she took me to was actually pretty nice. It was exactly like the kind you see in TV shows and movies. A nineteen sixties time warp, complete with jukebox and red and white checkered tablecloths. The waitress put us in a booth by the window and I slid into the seat across from Jessie, fidgeting with the menu that was shoved under my nose.

"Get whatever you want," I said. "My treat."

"Oh, so he's old fashioned," Jessie joked.

"Unfortunately."

"Why is it unfortunate? Girls like guys who buy them dinner." She winked and I felt a flush rising in my cheeks like I was a sixteen year old boy.

"Girls like the bad guys. There's not much call for putting jackets over puddles these days."

"Well, you've obviously been hanging around the wrong women then," she said, flipping open her menu. "Now, for the full American experience, you need cheesy fries. It's compulsory."

Thankful she'd changed the subject, we put together the fattest, greasiest meal we could manage, which wasn't hard, and the waitress took our order with a raised eyebrow. A few minutes later we had two strawberry milkshakes in front of us, complete with whipped cream and cherries on top. Jessie's eyes were bright like she was having the time of her life. It was so low key and silly, I instantly relaxed.

"So, have you been here before?"

"America? No, first time."

"How do you like it?" she asked dipping her finger into the cream and popping it into her mouth. Damn.

"It's okay. It's good to be someplace different."

"Have you been anywhere else?" Her finger slid over her lips and back to the cream.

"I've never really travelled," I said, trying to keep focus. "I mean, I wanted to, but I had to sacrifice a lot of things to get to where I am now with the band and everything."

"I know what you mean," she sighed and leaned forward putting her elbows on the table, affording me a bird's eye view right down her top.

"You mean, interning?" I asked, looking away before she noticed me staring at her breasts.

"Yeah. It's unpaid, so I have to work elsewhere to pay the bills."

"What kind of work?"

"Waitressing. I'm pretty lucky my boss understands. He's met Georgie, so he cuts me some slack," she laughed, shaking her head.

"How do you do it?" She looked at me confused, so I said, "Put up with her?"

"Georgie might be… you know, but she's good at her job. I can learn a lot from her and I have."

"By doing her washing?"

"There's worse things than washing Georgie's dirty panties," she said, making a face.

That's when the waitress decided to come back and place our order in front of us, her expression reading, what the fuck. I stifled a laugh and thanked her.

"What's Australia like?" Jessie asked, grabbing one of the cheesy fries.

"Compared to here? Well, it's not as fast. Everyone says hello when you walk into a shop. People ask how you are, even if they don't care. We drive on the opposite side of the road…"

"So, it's like living in a mirror."

I got her meaning and smiled.

"Where do you want to travel?"

"Everywhere," I replied, not put off by her constant questions. "I guess I'm lucky to come here on Galaxy's tab, and hopefully I'll get to do a lot more touring with the band…"

"That would be amazing," she sighed. "Touring Europe in summer."

"Have you been? Do you want to go?"

"I've never been, but I'd love to go. Paris in summer. Berlin… oh, imagine the music scene in London. They have amazing festivals over there."

"So, you'd go for the music?"

"I like to visit museums and stuff, but the music scene is where you really get to know a place, you know? Like it's different in LA to Seattle to New York. They all have their different genres and fashion and people. It's amazing."

"That's true," I said thinking about Australia vs. the US.

"Did you like playing here? The gig last night was brilliant."

"Thanks," I shrugged.

"What? Didn't live up to your expectations?" she frowned.

"I dunno, I guess I feel more separated here."

"Why's that?"

"Back home you can go out into the crowd and meet people. They don't want to mooch off of you for drugs and alcohol. People want to talk to you, not the thing you're meant to be." I looked up from my burger and right into her confused face. Her beautiful confused face. "Why are you looking at me like I've got two heads?"

"Everyone who comes to make it big in LA wants those things."

"Well, I dunno what mailing list you're subscribed to, but it ain't mine."

"You're straight edge?" She cocked her head to the side, a chip in her fingers dripping melted cheese into the bowl.

"Alcohol, yeah," I said. "But, I've never done a drug in my life."

"Really? Smoked?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Because a sick sad part of me doesn't want cancer?" Her questioning my life choices like that kinda annoyed the hell out of me. Like I couldn't live unless I've been off my face on E that'd been cut with laundry powder? Fucking hell.

"I didn't mean anything by it," she said quietly. "It's just you don't meet many people who haven't at least tried something once or twice."

"I'm old fashioned, I guess."

"You take care of yourself," she declared. "I like it."

We ate in silence for a while, neither of us seeming to know how to continue. All those things I'd thought about asking her just pissed off somewhere else and I couldn't think of anything. Her eyes were on her plate, so I stared at her, willing something to come to mind.

"Why'd you move to New York?" She looked up, her eyes widening for a moment and I wondered if I'd asked the wrong question.

"The same reason everyone moves there," she said. "To chase a dream."

"What's your dream?"

Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip and she let out a long sigh. "I'm not a musician like you. I wanted to have that kind of life, though. I think about music much the same as you do. I can't live without it. The only other thing I could've done was be a music journalist or work at a label. So, I managed to get an internship and here we are."

"Just like that?"

"Well, that was the condensed version, but yeah."

"Do you want to be a marketing manager?"

She laughed wryly at my question. "Sounds boring when you say it like that, but it's not really a nine to five job."

"Not really," I grinned thinking of the stuff we got up to touring and recording.

"What about you? Was the band always your dream?"

"Yes." There wasn't anything else to say.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." Seemed like we both knew exactly what we wanted in life and that turned me on more than I knew it would. Jessie seemed very driven and focused on her career, so much so it was a little intimidating. "What's your tattoo?" I asked, letting my eyes run over her arm.

"Flowers," she said. "Honeysuckle and butterflies."

"And the other one?"

She fingered the collar of her shirt, pulling it aside so I could see, sending my body into overdrive. "It's a skull and cross bones," she laughed as I took in the ink over her heart. "Very original. What are yours?"

"Sugar skulls, pinups, stars, spider webs. You know, bloke tattoos." She laughed at my abrupt description. "What?"

"I like how you say, bloke. You sound very Australian when you say it. Bloke." She tried to mimic my accent without much success. She just sounded more French, which drew me in even more.

I felt a grin spread across my face. I liked her. I really fucking liked her. It was way more than a physical thing and I found myself hoping that she felt it too. Who cared if she lived in New York and I lived in Melbourne? Who cared. I'd make it work for a girl like Jessie.

"Oh, shit," she said, looking at her watch. "It's getting late and I have a meeting tomorrow."

"Oh." I tried not to sound disappointed. I wasn't ready to let her go yet. It felt like I'd hardly scratched the surface.

I paid for dinner and walked her to her door like the gentleman I was and I was about to say goodnight and sneak a kiss on her cheek when she came out with a cracker.

"Why'd you ask me out?"

She was looking at me with her big beautiful eyes and I just had to say it.

"Because," I waved my hand between us. "There was something there."

"Was?"

"Is."

"Oh." She fumbled for her keycard and slid it into the lock, the little light flashing green. Before it closed behind her she gave me a small smile. "Thanks for dinner."

"You're welcome."

The door closed between us and I wondered if I'd said the wrong thing. Backing away down the hall, a part of me that I didn't want to acknowledge knew that I had.

Lying on the hard hotel bed, the only thing I could think about was Dee fucking Cosgrove. And I didn't like to swear. Dee had this thing about him that went with the word 'fucking' and it was exactly how it sounded.

He was just a nice, sweet guy. Total opposite from the whole rock star man-whore stereotype. Still, my thoughts went to that place. You know the one where he had me up against the wall, hands in all the right places, saying incredibly dirty things to me? Yeah, that one.

My cell started ringing and vibrating across the bedside table. I looked over with a groan at the late hour and saw the name on the screen and to my surprise my heart skipped a beat. It was Dee. We'd exchanged numbers last night at the gig and I wondered if it had been a good idea. It had only been an hour since he left and I wondered what his game was. I took a deep breath and picked up the cell, trying to squash down my dirty thoughts.

"You know I'm only two floors down," I said and instantly regretted it. I couldn't see him right now because I'd ask him to do me against the wall.

"I know, but I'm old-fashioned like that."

"Like what?"

"If I showed up on your doorstep in the middle of the night you'd think I was only there for one thing."

"Oh." I squeezed my legs together and was glad he was on the phone and not on the edge of my bed.

"You weren't sleeping were you?"

"No." How could I sleep when I was thinking about him all god damn night?

I heard him chuckle and my face reddened.

"What do you want?" It came out defensive.

"I just wanted to talk," he said slowly. "I like talking to you."

"I'm sorry," I said, rubbing my eyes. "its just guys usually want to talk to me for one reason."

"Sex?" He asked so outright it almost made me choke. "It's okay, Jessie. I don't just want to talk about sex."

What more could he possibly want to know? I mean, I hadn't known him for very long and some things would always remain buried inside me. Who didn't have complicated, scarring relationships these days? I had someone who'd hurt me beyond repair and he probably did, too.

"Then what do you want to talk about?" I asked quietly.

"Anything. I don't care."

He was into me. Of course I knew it, it was in everything he did, every word he spoke was laced with sex. My body wanted it, but my mind was apprehensive. But, after all his wicked and sweet words, he hadn't tried it on once. He said before that he was old-fashioned; I felt like I was living in the nineteen-twenties when he was around. How was he not taken?

"You want to talk about anything?" I asked. "That's a wide range of topics."

"I know, I just want to hear your voice." And then he says things like that.

"How did you start playing guitar?" I asked, ignoring his blatant comment.

"Well," he said slowly. "I went to a public high school. They didn't have any sports teams or anything like that. They were lucky to have a music program and even then students had to pay to take lessons. I conned my parents into letting me learn guitar. One, because chicks dig guys with guitars…" I let out a laugh at his lame joke. "…and two, because I wanted to get out of class."

"Really?" He didn't seem like the kind of guy who'd skip out on anything.

"Honestly?"

"Yes, honestly."

"True story."

"What about now?"

"Now? I'm glad I wanted to get out of class."

I closed my eyes and let his sexy Australian accent wash over me. I didn't want to put my cell on speaker. I wanted to press it right against my ear, like he was whispering to me. Like his lips were against my skin...

"Jessie? Are you still there?"

Shit. "Yeah."

"What were you thinking about?" he asked wickedly, like he knew.

"Tomorrow," I replied quickly.

"What's tomorrow?"

"It's my last day in LA before I have to go home."

"To New York?"

"Yeah."

"What are you doing?"

I knew what he was trying to do. Worm his way even further into my life so I couldn't say no. "I have a meeting at the Galaxy office in the morning."

"What about the arvo?"

I gathered arvo meant afternoon and I knew he had me. "I don't know."

"I'm taking you to the beach."

"Are you just?" I scoffed playfully.

"C'mon Jessie." The way he said my name made me squirm. "We can go to the beach, hangout, have some dinner."

"I don't know…" I began, but he interrupted me.

"No expectations."

No expectations? Before I could back out, I said, "Pick me up at the hotel at three."

And just like that, I flung myself further down the rabbit hole.

It might've been forward to call Jessie like I had, but after that fizzer of a date I couldn't just leave it. Yeah, I guess we had a good time and all, but it was just hanging out. Being with her was more than hanging out for me. I had no idea how to show it without it ending the same way as every other relationship I'd had. With the 'it's me not you' speech.

Over the phone it had taken away that physical attraction and I could just talk to her without all of that getting in the way. I was glad I'd grown some balls, because I was taking her out again this afternoon.

My phone buzzed with a text and I laughed when I saw the message from Zoe.

We're going to Disneyland. Wanna come?

Zoe and Disneyland were two things that didn't seem to mesh well.

I texted back, I think I'll be right. Got stuff to do.

What stuff?

Just stuff.

Oooookkkkkkaaaayyyy. *winkwink*

When three pm rolled around, I stood outside Jessie's door staring at the number again. Get a grip, Cosgrove, I scolded myself. Knocking, the door opened a moment later.

"Hey," Jessie said brightly.

She was wearing these little denim short shorts and my eyes glued to her legs, imagining them around my waist.

"Up here," she laughed.

"Sorry." The moment she turned her back, I adjusted the front of my jeans.

"You're punctual, I'll give you that." She shoved her phone into her pocket and closed the door behind her.

"If I say I'm gunna do something. I do it."

"Wow."

"Wow, what?"

"A guy who does the stuff he says he's going to. That's a rare beast."

I grinned, pressing the button to the elevator.

"Where are we going?"

"Venice beach." I shrugged.

"Venice beach?"

"I don't know any others."

"No, sounds fun, actually. I'm sure there's lots to do."

Because I didn't have a car or wanted to subject Jessie to public transport, the doorman hailed a taxi for us out the front of the hotel. I didn't mind paying. We slid into the backseat and the driver took off at breakneck speed. Jessie didn't bat an eyelid, so I assumed this was normal for a cabbie.

"How was work today?" I asked to break the silence.

"Oh, it was okay. Pretty boring, actually."

"What do you do exactly?"

"Well, being the intern, I get to do all the exciting stuff. Like take minutes, get coffee. You know, all the important decisions fall on my shoulders."

"Without you the entire label would crumble."

"Something like that," she grinned.

Before long, the taxi pulled up at the beach and we wandered down to the sand. Jessie bent down and pulled off her boots and sunk her bare feet into the sand, curling her toes.

"Oh man," she sighed. "This feels nice."

I followed suit, yanking off my own boots and let the warm sand trickle between my toes. "Let's go down to the water."

Walking along the beach with Jessie was nice. It felt right, being here with her.

"It reminds me a little of the beaches up Queensland," I said. "Wide, long, white sand. If you can ignore the city at your back, that is."

"Do you surf?" she asked and I made a face, my toes curling in the sand.

"Not everyone from Australia surfs."

"Why not?"

"Firstly, it's a stereotype and secondly, I live in Melbourne. It's not really the center for seaside living."

"What's it like in Melbourne?" I loved the way she said Melbourne. Sounding out all the letters.

"Well, to be a Melbourne-ite you need to say it the right way. It's Mel-bin."

"But it's not spelt that way," she huffed, putting her hands on her hips.

"To be an Aussie you need to drop eighty percent of your letters and make up the rest."

"You do say some strange things," she tiptoed out into the water, her boots in her arms.

"Like what? Give me an example."

"Arvo. What's an arvo? I gather you mean the afternoon."

I laughed, following her to the edge of the water, the tips of the waves running up the shoreline covering our feet. Every time it receded, it would drag the sand out from underneath me, my feet sinking further and further under.

"And sunnies. Everything seems to end in an 'ie' or a 'o' like you can't be bothered saying the entire word."

"It's not that I can't be bothered. It's a laid back thing." I kicked some water and it splashed against her legs.

"Hey." She kicked back, splattering water and sand all over my legs and rolled up jeans.

"Hey, these are my last clean pair of jeans," I exclaimed and ran forward, picking her up around the waist and spinning her around. "I'll dump you in."

Jessie let out an excited squeal of laughter, her fingers digging into my shoulders. "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, yeah?" I let her slip a little in my grasp and she shrieked again, but my expression fell the instant I realized her face was mere inches from mine and I had her pressed up against my chest. Perfect kiss moment, but I set her down and stepped away. Why the hell did I just do that?

She looked down at the water, tucking her hair behind an ear. I couldn't see her eyes behind her sunglasses, but that little furrow between her eyebrows said it all.

"Are you hungry?" she said after a moment.

I nodded.

"There was a food cart back up there a bit. We can get a burger and sit outside if you want."

"Burgers again?"

"What can I say?" she shrugged. "My stomach is easily pleased."

"Sounds good."

I held her boots while she washed her sandy feet under a tap and being a typical guy, my eyes ran the entire length of her body. Her long almond toned legs, the curve of her ass, her long neck. It would be so easy to take her hand in mine, tug her to me and kiss that little spot right underneath her ear.

She tiptoed over to me and took her boots and pried mine from my unresponsive fingers. How couldn't she know the things she did to me? "Your turn."

Blinking hard, I stuck my feet under the running water and I imagined what I'd be like if she was looking at me the same way. She'd relaxed a lot since the other day, but there was still this wall of professionalism. Maybe that was what was stopping me?

Pulling my boots back on, we walked down the boardwalk and found the burger cart Jessie had seen earlier. She was definitely not like other women. No fancy restaurants or flash clothes. No pretenses. She was just real.

Burgers in hand we found a bench near the water and I straddled one end and she the other with our food and drinks in between. Cherry cola and cheeseburgers. I supposed it was another traditional American dish. As we ate, we watched the ocean as the sun set, eating our second fatty meal in as many days, laughing and swapping stories about the bands we'd seen play. It was great to talk with her about something that was so sacred to me and have her understand so completely. It was the same for her.

"You'd love New York," she was saying. "There's so much stuff going on underground. Punk, indie, trance. All kinds of stuff. It's a hard town to crack, though. It's still a very cliquey place. If you know someone who knows someone you can get in just about anywhere. Don't ask me about the ivy places though."

"Ivy places?"

"The rich hangouts. You know, like Gossip Girl on acid. Not my scene."

"Uh, not my thing, either. I'd rather hang out at a gig or a pub somewhere."

"We don't really have pubs in the city."

"An old man bar then."

She screwed up her nose.

"No doof doof." I waved my hands around.

"Doof doof?" Jessie laughed like I was insane.

"The David Guetta vs. Lady Gaga mega mix."

She laughed, slapping a hand over her mouth. "It's a bit like that, right?"

"Couldn't think of anything worse than being auto-tuned."

"A man after my own heart." Shit, was I ever.

It was almost over. It felt like a whirlwind summer romance, without the kissing and hot sex. Knowing she was leaving tomorrow and I still hadn't come clean about this thing that was growing inside my chest was eating me up. Really, what had we been doing? When it boiled down to it, I had feelings for her. Not the lust filled connection I'd felt on that last day of recording, which seemed so long ago already, but something deeper. Something scary and dangerous that had me wanting to hold on and not let go.

What was a guy to do? Lay it out, that's what.

"Jessie, I know you're leaving tomorrow and I don't know what I'm fucking doing, but I have to tell you. I can't not tell you." I took a deep breath. "I like you. Like, really like you and I don't know how else to say it without sounding like a crazy person."

She was looking at me, her expression unreadable and I steeled myself for the inevitable.

Downing the last of her cherry cola she said, "We better go back."

And there it was. I dumped the rubbish in the bin and we walked down the boardwalk in silence, our boots thudding against the wood, this horrible black hole opening up inside me. In the taxi on the way back to the hotel, neither of us said a word, the air heavy with what I'd said. All the way back up to her floor in the elevator was a painful kick in the gut. Knowing that this whole thing could have been so one-sided made humiliation flare like a white hot flame. Me, humiliated? Add this one to the pile of rejections and it would sit there like a cherry on top of the proverbial strawberry milkshake. I'd never be able to look at one of those in the same way ever again.

I hovered by her door as she slid the key card into the lock. The light flashed green and she turned the handle, propping the door open with a shoulder.

"Goodnight," she said with a small smile and I knew it was now or never. I just had to go for broke.

Before she could turn away, I grasped her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers. It wasn't forceful, just soft. Nice. But, when she began to kiss me back, her tongue teasing my lips, it woke all of those crazy things that I'd been feeling inside of me. I pressed her back against the door and it swung inwards into the dark room and we followed, her fingers tugging at the belt loops on my jeans. Then we were in total darkness, but nether of us stopped to turn on the light.

I pressed her against the wall, deepening our kiss, my tongue against hers and she tasted like the cherry cola I bought her at the beach. I breathed in her sent of vanilla and salt from the ocean like it was a drug and it took away everything but her. She opened her legs slightly and I pushed a thigh between hers and she rolled her hips forward, both of us letting out deep moans at the same time.

I was hard against my jeans as she pressed into me, the sensation almost unbearable. With a whimper, she turned her face from mine, tearing her lips away. I teased the soft skin of her neck instead, hands caressing her waist. God. She was un-fucking-believable. I'd dreamed about it, but I never thought it would feel like this. Like I was on fire.

"Dee." It came out strangled, breathless.

"Don't fucking say it," I murmured into her hair. "Please don't tell me to stop."

She didn't say anything and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. We were in darkness and I couldn't see her eyes to know what she was feeling. Then her hands were under my t-shirt, tugging it upwards and it was all I needed to know. Reaching over my head, I grabbed the back and pulled it off, throwing it behind me. Her cool hands ran up my bare chest and I shivered, relishing the feel of her against me.

"I don't do this," she said through heavy breaths. "I'm not like that."

"Neither am I," I said huskily. "But, I still want you." It was the truth. I didn't just sleep with anyone who threw themselves at me.

I slid my hands between her and the wall, cupping her ass, pressing her into the length of my body. She moaned into my neck and I moved to kiss her again, but she pushed me back, breaking contact.

She was gone and I suddenly felt cold, but the lamp beside the bed flicked on, casting its warm glow over us. She was standing next to the bed, her eyes locked on mine and I just wanted to push her back on the mattress and show her exactly how she made me feel all night long, but when I took a step forward she shook her head.

I didn't have time to feel rejected, because she pulled off her singlet, her mousey blonde hair falling all over the place. My eyes were fixed on her hands as they slid down her stomach to the button on her shorts and it was painful to watch.

She was standing there with her tattoo and almond skin and her perfect brown eyes and I couldn't believe she wanted me. Kicking off my boots, I took three long strides and pushed her back onto the bed with a growl, my fingers between the lace of her underwear and her skin, feeling every curve. Arching her back, she unclasped her bra and I pulled it off, flinging it across the room and I took a nipple in my mouth, tugging her underwear off.

"Dee," she gasped and the sound of her saying my name with such want made me strain harder against the inside of my jeans. All this time she'd wanted me as much as I had wanted her. I wasn't sure before, but now I was positive.

"Fuck, Jessie," I murmured against the curve of her breast.

She tugged at my jeans and I pushed them off my hips, dragging my boxers with them, then it was just us. Skin on skin. I didn't want to be anywhere else but inside her. I wanted to feel her squirm, I wanted to hear her moan, and I wanted her to say my name as she came around me.

I ran a hand over her waist, down her leg and pulled her around me. I covered her mouth with mine, sucking on her bottom lip as I rolled my hips forward, pressing hard into her clit and the moan that escaped her, echoed through me. Did she understand how this made me feel? I had no idea, but I was having a good time showing her.

My other hand slid between us, my palm over her clit and my fingers found her opening.

"Fucking hell, Jessie," I groaned into the crook of her neck when I felt how wet she was.

When I slid a finger inside, she clawed my back and said, "Fuck me, Dee. Fuck me."

"I don't want to fuck you," I murmured, sliding a second finger in with the first. "I want to make love to you. I want you to feel what you do to me."

Her eyes widened, but I was too far gone to worry about what this meant to her. Pulling away, I reached for my discarded jeans, searching the pockets. When I pulled out what I was looking for, her fingers covered mine and she took the condom from me, her eyes never leaving mine. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip as she took me in her slender hand, running up and down my hard length.

"If you keep doing that, I'm not going to last," I whispered, pressing into her fingers.

Her lips curved into a wicked smile as she let go and began rolling on the condom agonizingly slow. My breathing hitched as her hands slid back up to my tip and then they were on my face, drawing my lips back to hers.

"Fuck me," she whispered, her breath hot against my mouth and I was more than happy to comply.

I eased into her, wanting to savor everything, but her hands were on my ass, pulling me in faster. I thrusted deep and she arched her back off the mattress, letting out a strangled moan.

"Make me come," she groaned and something inside me snapped.

Pulling out to the tip, I slammed back into her, the sensation almost sending me over the edge. She felt exquisite. I'd never get enough of Jessie Ware. She made me feel raw and she wanted me to fuck her, so I did.

I lost myself as I moved inside her, each thrust of my hips meeting hers in a delicious gasp from her perfect lips. She was hot and trembling underneath me and the intensity hit me like a sledgehammer. No woman had ever made me feel like this. Ever.

"You feel so good," I breathed, moving faster, my orgasm building.

"Harder," she groaned, sinking her fingernails into my back.

Jessie could have asked me to do anything right then and I would have walked across fire for her.

She started to come hard and she said my name over and over as she clenched around me, coaxing my own release. I started to fall over the edge, but I kept moving, making her own orgasm go on and on. Then her lips were against my shoulder, teeth sinking into skin and I couldn't hold on any more. My orgasm was overwhelming and I grunted her name against the curve of her neck as I came and came inside her.

Finally, when we both started to come down, I slumped against her, my chest heaving, our skin sticking together. I'd never felt like this before. I was by no means inexperienced, but this was a whole new level.

Watching Jessie's big beautiful, doe eyes droop, I kissed her softly on the lips, lingering a moment. When she let out a contented sigh, I rolled off the bed and went into the bathroom. But, by the time I came back, she was fast asleep and the things I wanted to say would have to wait.

I pulled up the covers and wrapped an arm across her waist and before I flicked the lamp off, I let my eyes wander over her, committing everything to memory. The soft expression she had when she slept melted my heart and I knew I was in trouble. I was into her before, but now I was falling. I wanted to hold on and never let go.

Jessie Ware had just stolen the last slice of my heart.

I didn't know what time it was when I finally woke, but light crept into the room through the crack in the curtains right across my face, warming my skin. Rolling over with a groan, I reached out for Jessie, but my hand fell into an empty bed. She wasn't in it and my heart sank. Maybe she was in the shower, but I instantly dismissed that stupid thought when I realized it was deathly silent.

Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes with a yawn. That's when I saw the piece of paper on the pillow next to me and time just seemed to stop. This couldn't be right, could it?

I stared at the piece of hotel stationary for ages before I picked it up, my stomach churning. I already knew what it would say and didn't want to believe it. Swallowing hard, my hand trembling, I turned it over and there were the two words I'd become so familiar with. The two words that were the story of my life.

I'm sorry.

Clenching my jaw, I screwed up the note and threw it at the opposite wall with a cry of agony. I buried my face in my hands and drew in heaving breaths. She left me. She fucking left me in the middle of the night like some cheap piece of crap.

I suddenly felt like a fool for saying all that shit to her. Everything I'd felt the night before was ruined. I'd had a broken heart before, but it had never been smashed. Smashed was the wrong word. Obliterated was more like it.

Jessie Ware obliterated me.

The sheets smelt like her perfume. They reeked with what we'd done last night and I felt sick. I could have chucked up right then, but I went into the bathroom and turned the water on in the shower as far as it went and stood underneath the scalding water, washing her off me. I was a guy, I didn't cry. But, I felt the sting in my eyes and was glad the water took the tears away before I had to acknowledge them.

What the hell was so wrong with me?

Eventually, I got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist and went back out into the empty room. Her room. All her stuff was gone and it was almost eleven. Housekeeping would be here soon, so I had to get out. Dragging on my clothes, I picked up my phone and wallet and stepped into my boots, not stopping to do up the laces, not that I did anyway.

I pulled open the door and thumped out into the hall and jabbed the button for the elevator so hard it was a wonder it didn't break. As the doors opened and I stood inside the car, I felt numb. I knew about rejection, but this was a whole new level of fucked up. Where had it gone so wrong?

I'd tried it Zoe's way and it had just imploded. I was myself and even then Jessie didn't want me.

What the fuck was I even good for?

Staring blankly seemed to be the thing to do in these kind of situations.

I'd known disappointment. Hell, I'd been dumped before. None of that had anything on the number Jessie had done on me. It was like she'd plunged her hand into my chest and ripped my heart out. It was brutal. How could anyone see that coming? I mean, things had been going well, hadn't they?

Looking back, there probably were little indicators. The way she walked away from me that first night at the club, the way she brushed me off before the gig… shit, even the way she'd gone all quiet after I told her in my own deranged way that I'd had feelings for her. That should have been a giant red warning flag right there, but I had to go and kiss her and… I couldn't even think about the rest.

So, this was what a broken heart felt like. Now I knew what all the fuss was about.

Looking at my beat up acoustic guitar, I couldn't even bring myself to pick it up. Music. Life. It all seemed hopeless today. The band was officially on holiday for the first time since we'd started over two years ago and I didn't know what to do with myself. Truthfully, I didn't know what a holiday was. I'd never been on one in my entire adult life. Zoe and Will were leaving the day after tomorrow and then I was on my own. I was such a mess I didn't know if that was a good idea. Maybe I should just go home with my tail between my legs.

I couldn't stay alone in my room all day, so I wandered the streets, doing some touristy stuff, looked at some guitars, brought some boots, brought some new jeans because I didn't have any clean ones left, sat in a seedy bar for a few hours... anything to keep my mind off my aching heart. Maybe some scotch would dull the memory of her.

I hadn't seen Zoe since before 'the incident' so when she finally found me in the hotel bar, it wasn't good. I sat on a leather couch in a dark corner, earphones stuck in my ears, trying to block out the world. The iPod randomly blared anything that wouldn't make me think about her. A couple of drinks in front of me rounded out the pathetic picture.

Zoe sat next to me on the couch, eyeing the glass of scotch I'd just started and it's empty friend. I knew exactly what she wanted to say and I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to be babied. She eyed me for a second more, then yanked the earphones out of my ears.

"Hey," I exclaimed.

"Nice boots Dee Dee," she said.

"Thanks. They're new." I rolled my eyes, bunching up the headphones and shoving them into my jacket pocket.

"I know you buy boots when you're pissed off about something."

"The dude at the store said they're called engineer boots," I said. "Like I'm a fuckin' train driver or some shit."

"Stop changing the subject."

"I didn't. We're talking about boots, aren't we?"

"What happened?"

"What happened when?"

"Dee."

"Zoe."

"Are you drunk?" she exclaimed, slapping me on the shoulder.

"A little."

"Dee."

I shrugged. "Wouldn't hurt."

"Stop it."

"Where's Will?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"He's at the bar."

I looked over and saw him sitting on a stool, one eye on us and the other pretending indifference.

"What did she do?"

"What did who do?"

"Jessie. I assume she did something."

"Didn't work out." The last thing I wanted to talk about was my spectacular used and abused evening.

"Really?"

"Why so surprised, Hot Legs? Wouldn't have worked out anyway."

"Why not?"

"Can you teleport?" She narrowed her eyes. "Neither can I."

"Dee, what's going on?"

"How was Disneyland? Throttle any kids?"

"It was fine. By the looks of you, you should have come with."

I sighed sharply, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I can't deal with your questions today, Zo. Please."

"She really did a number on you, didn't she?" she asked, sinking down into the couch next to me.

"Zoe."

"Okay, okay, but getting drunk is only going to give you a hangover. It won't fix anything."

"Then what does?" I whispered, staring across the bar.

"Time."

Snorting, I picked up my glass of scotch and downed the rest.

"Tomorrow, you're coming out with us," Zoe declared and I suppressed a groan. When did she become me? Wasn't this my role in our relationship?

"Is that so?"

"Dee, I don't ever remember you looking so beat. If anything, it's time for me to repay you."

"You don't owe me anything," I said sullenly.

"I owe you everything." She said it so quietly, I almost missed it in my self-centered depression. The band had saved her life in so many ways. It had brought Zoe back to life and delivered her her happy ending. It had delivered all of us to something better in a way. If it wasn't for me, who knew what we'd be doing now. I'd been the one that pressured everyone into joining in the beginning.

"I didn't do it so you could repay me."

She placed her hand on my leg and squeezed. "I know. But let me help. I want to be able to do the same for you for exactly the same reasons."

I stared into her familiar brown eyes and despite myself, my lips curved into a slight smile. I'd known Zoe thirteen years and we'd been through some heavy shit in our time. I'd believe anything she had to say. Anything.

"Okay," I said. "Tomorrow."

She planted a kiss on my cheek. "Then no more wallowing in a glass of scotch. Let's go get something to eat. You, me and Will."

I glanced up at Will who was still sitting at the bar. I would have preferred just me and Zo, but he was a part of our little unit now for as long as Zoe was in love with him, which would probably be forever.

"Just gimme a minute."

"Sure," she said. "We'll wait for you in the foyer."

As she walked away across the bar, I took my phone out of my pocket and brought up the contacts. Zoe was right in so many ways. Wallowing would only break me further, except it was hard to get out of the hole that I'd already dug myself into. The whole thing had that kind of effect on me, the one where it'd smacked me around and left me dazed. She wasn't coming back. Why the fuck would she?

Step one in getting over Jessie Ware was deleting all traces of her out of my life. I looked at her number in my phone and with a sigh, pressed delete.

The next day, the only piece of information Zoe would give me was 'bring your guitar'. Whatever that meant.

I only had the beat up guitar we messed around with while on tour. All our other gear had been sent back to Australia a couple of days ago. So, I stood in the hotel foyer with it slung over my back waiting for her and Will to show, like the rough as guts bloke I was. If the concierge hadn't seen us loitering around for the past three months, then he'd probably toss me out.

"Hey." I turned at the sound of Zoe's voice and smiled as she approached with Will.

"Hey mate," he said. "Ready to go?"

"Raring. Where we going?"

"Guerrilla busking," Zoe said with an evil smirk.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. Sounded like some kind of terrorist plot.

"Busking without permission," Will said, wiggling his eyebrows. "The more risky the better."

Zoe elbowed him with a laugh. "We're going to play some of our new stuff and Will's gunna film it. Simone reckons it's a great idea. We'll stick it on our YouTube channel."

"Don't you need some kind of permit to busk here?"

"Probably," she shrugged, giving me a wicked smile.

"Are you trying to get me arrested? How's that productive?"

"The only cops we're gunna have to tangle with are the wannabe ones."

That could only mean we were going to a shopping center or someplace like it. Maybe the boardwalk. "Security guards like to crack skulls, Zo."

"And if they try anything, I hope you remember how to run."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because even though life has kicked you in the gut, you need to be reminded of all the good things that are still in it. Like music, friends, the thrill of spontaneity... Me."

"Hey," Will said, pinching her on the ass.

Letting out a squeal, she turned about, almost knocking me out with her guitar that was slung over her back and laid a kiss on her boyfriend. I suddenly felt like a third wheel.

"Let's go before I decide run the other direction," I said sharply and began to walk towards the revolving doors. Zoe ran up behind me and threaded an arm through mine, our guitars smashing together. "You're paying bail if I get locked up," I said, wincing as an off tune note thrummed out into the marble foyer.

"You're on."

It wasn't long until we were walking down Rodeo Drive with all its designer stores, wannabe celebrities and heaving hoards of tourists. Almost every store had a security guard positioned at the door. You know, those big beefy guys with the sunnies and crew cuts looking like they're a Secret Service wannabe. Cracking skulls. Yeah, not such a fan.

We positioned ourselves out the front of a designer boutique, bags and purses and shoes of all kinds in the window. All sparkly and expensive looking. There was a lot of foot traffic, most of it going in and out the store. I reckon we'd be annoying more than anything, not exactly LAPD fodder, more like Mall Cop candy. Will backed up across the footpath with his video camera and gave us the thumbs up.

"Red Heart?" Zoe asked with a wink.

"Let's do it."

The moment Zoe and I began playing it all came flooding back. The passion, the uninhibited feeling of being lost in this thing we'd created. In my wallowing, I'd let my grip slip on the one thing that kept me afloat all these years. Music was my soul. Fuck that other shit.

We almost got to the end by the time the security guard wised up and saw us standing out the front of their perfect window display. A crowd of people had gathered and were blocking the entrances, making it hard to people to get in and out.

"Hey," he yelled at us and instantly our audience started to disperse. Five thousand dollar handbags must be serious business in these parts.

Both Zoe and I stopped playing at the same time, our fingers sliding over the strings. She looked at me, then I looked at the security guard who was storming towards us, hands on a walkie talkie.

"Ready?" she whispered in my ear.

I grabbed her hand and bolted the opposite direction, scattering people in our wake. A grin began splitting my face as we darted through the scores of pedestrians as the security guard chased us. I don't know why he bothered, maybe he wanted to look like a tough guy. Bumping shoulders and shouting apologies, we darted across the street and when we realized we weren't being followed anymore, Zoe pulled me into an alley off the main drag.

Laughing, I let go of her hand and leant back against the wall. Not exactly the episode of COPS they had planted in my brain, but as close as I wanted to get.

Zoe stooped forward with her hand on her knees. "I think he chased us for like, a block and a half before he gave up."

"I didn't think he'd last that long."

"It's like four hundred meters," she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't think he'd get past one."

"Wasn't exactly living on the edge, more like making a nuisance of ourselves, but it did the trick."

"What's the trick?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

She tapped her temple and smiled.

A few minutes later, Will appeared around the corner. "Guys, that was gold."

"Got some good stuff?"

"This shit's gunna go viral." He gave the camera to Zoe and she turned her back, watching the footage with a stupid grin on her face.

"Can I say something?" Will asked, eyeing Zoe.

"Sure." My thoughts were still plastered on our stupid little stunt or otherwise I would've told him to drop it.

"Anyone with eyes in their head can see how messed up you are about this Jessie thing."

I narrowed my eyes. In a way, I kinda expected him to say something about that, but right at that moment? Hell, no.

"Mate, all I'm saying is that if you want her that much, more than just a one time thing, then you should do something about it."

He had no idea what she'd done. Of course he didn't. I'd said absolutely zilch about it. "I can't."

"Perseverance and balls," he said, looking back at Zoe. "If she's who you want, then that's what it takes."

I didn't want someone who didn't want me. Simple. You didn't run off on someone you wanted in the middle of the night. "Will, I appreciate the advice and all, but it's not going to work out. I'm not going after her." I couldn't, more like it. That kinda shit hurt a man's pride.

He grimaced and clapped me on the shoulder. "If you say so."

"I know so."

"Honey pie, sweet cheeks," Zoe chortled, coming back towards us. "You amaze me every day."

"Nothin' sweet about these cheeks," Will said, taking the camera off her.

"Wanna go again?" Zoe asked me, shoving her hand in the back pocket of Will's jeans.

"Once is enough," I said. "I haven't run that far since year ten PE."

"Okay, but I'm hungry," Will grumbled, nodding back towards the street.

"Burgers?" Zoe poked me in the gut.

"Sure."

As Will wandered off in front of us, she slipped an arm through mine. "It was more than like for you wasn't it?" she murmured in my ear.

I grinded my teeth together. She'd obviously been doing a lot of thinking about it and I didn't know if that was a good thing.

"I saw the way you looked at her."

My blood started to boil. Why wouldn't she just leave it alone?

"If you want her..."

"Zoe," I snapped, running both my hand over my face. She flinched, stepping away from me and I instantly felt like shit. "I'm sorry, I... I don't want to talk about it. It's over. It's so over." Obliterated, smashed, broken, scarred, humiliated. I was all of those things right now.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" she asked, reaching out for my hand.

"No," I shook my head, sinking back. "I just need some alone time." The notion was so out of character for me, she gave me 'the look'. I wasn't fooling anyone.

"Okay." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek. "But first, burgers."

"Big fucking greasy burgers."

The one thing I didn't want to do was say goodbye to Zoe. In the whole time I'd known her, we'd probably spent one or two days away from each other at a time. I was twenty five years old. I had to grow up a little. I was capable of looking after myself… wasn't I?

I stood on the footpath across the street from the hotel helping Will load their rental car with their luggage. They didn't really have much, a suitcase each and Zoe's guitar because like me, she couldn't go anywhere without it.

"Thanks, Dee," Will said, closing the boot. He grinned when he saw Zoe sidle up to me and without another word, he got into the car to give us a minute. It took him a while to get the thing we had, but I'd never ever come between them. He was the best thing to happen to her in a very long time.

I reached up and tucked Zoe's wild hair behind her ear. "Gunna miss you, Hot Legs."

"Have you decided what you're gunna do?" she asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

I'd thought about it the night before. They were going on their own road trip, maybe I should do my own version. The kind where I just started driving with no destination in mind. You know, see where the asphalt took me. "I'm going for a long drive into the sunset."

"A road trip?" she exclaimed.

"Why not?"

"On your own? Is that a good idea. Isn't there billions of crazy people out in backwater America?"

"I'll be fine, Zo. I'm not going to let anyone do a Deliverance on me. I seriously doubt I'll be going anywhere off a main highway."

She bit her lip, a frown creasing her forehead. "I worry about you, you know."

"I know you do."

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us for a few days?"

"I'm sure, Zo. This is your time with Will. Hell, you've been looking forward to this for ages. I'm not gunna rain on your parade."

"I don't mind you being there."

"Zo, it'll be okay. I'll be okay. I just need a little time on my own. That's all."

She smiled thinly.

"I have to get out of LA first," I groaned, thinking about the crazy traffic.

"You know, I'm kinda terrified about driving on the opposite side of the road. I'm making Will drive."

"And the opposite side of the car," I added.

"Weird, right?"

"It's different."

"You'll be okay, though?"

"I'll call you every few days so you know I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere."

She slapped me on the arm, making my skin smart. "Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"Hope to die."

"Pins and needs in my eye."

"Eat a horse…"

"Manure pie," I declared, ending off the childish rhyme.

"How old are you?" she laughed.

"Old enough to know better and young enough to keep doing it."

"Don't go Thelma and Louise on me."

"In your dreams, Hot Legs."

"Now, that would be a dream..." she said suggestively.

"You're not picturing me and Will tearing up the highway and terrorizing truckers are you?"

"You bet your sweet cheeks I am."

"Zoe," I groaned.

"I'm gunna miss you, Dee Dee." She threw her arms around my neck, burying her face in my shoulder.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and breathed in her familiar scent. Kissing her hair I said, "I'm gunna miss you, too." Like she wouldn't believe.

Her tattoo was of honeysuckle and butterflies. I never asked if it meant anything.

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror and wondered what I'd been wondering the past two days. What was so wrong with me? Maybe that's what I was meant to find out. These quarter life crisis' and epic road trips were all about that crap, right? Finding yourself amongst the pile of shit that the universe molded you into.

The world wanted me to be a foul mouthed, bad boy rock star who slept with a different girl every night. The idea didn't seem feasible. Not for the things I wanted and definitely not after the night I'd spent with Jessie. That would be seared into my mind and body for the rest of my life.

Dumping my stuff into my bag, I cleared out the rest of the hotel room, cramming clothes into my oversized duffle bag. It was time to get outta Dodge and start looking forward. At least that's what I was trying to convince myself.

Movies, books... stories about love and happiness, they teach you if you suffer enough, then it'll all work out in the end. But, I'd never known suffering. I wasn't sure how much was too much. And besides, it wasn't going to end happily for me. Not with Jessie. I needed to find my happy place again. I'd strayed from the path and got lost in the woods.

Step one. Check out of the Heartbreak Hotel. Step two. Find the nearest rental joint and blow this popcorn stand to smithereens.

Downstairs, the woman at the counter checked me out and directed me two blocks down to a rental company that the concierge recommended. Slinging my heavy bag on my back, I pushed through the front doors out into the sunshine, determined to get gone.

The rental office was empty save for a woman behind the desk when I walked in. Dumping my bag in the corner and sitting my guitar case against the wall, she eyed me with interest. I knew that look, it was one that I got often and usually played up to, but not today. There was no way that was going anywhere and I wasn't interested in meaningless.

"How can I help you?" she smiled brightly, flipping her obviously unnatural red hair over her shoulder.

"I wanna rent a car."

"Certainly. Any preference?" She gestured towards my stuff.

"Something with a large boot so I can put my guitar back there."

She cocked her head, confused. "Boot?"

"Trunk, I mean trunk." If it wasn't already enough that I'd had to explain every word that came out of my mouth, I'd probably have to forget everything I ever knew about driving if I was as going to get out of LA alive and without an excess charge on my card.

"Sure, we have a compact four wheel drive..."

"Sure."

"How long do you need..."

"A month." I guess if I needed more then I could just rent another.

"Where will you be returning the vehicle?"

Shit. Didn't know that either. Some great plan this was.

The clerk preempted my answer. "That's fine. I can just put it in as our office here in LA and if you need to alter it, just give us a call." She smiled at me in a way that was more than customer friendly.

"Sure. Whatever." As long as the end of this conversation ended with car keys in my hand, I didn't care.

The longer I stood there and the longer this obviously nice woman tried to hit on me, the more my heart sunk into the hole that Zoe had tried so hard to pull me out of.

The woman took my drivers license and tapped a few things into her computer and I was signing on the dotted line.

I looked at the set of keys in my hand and hardly listened as she rattled off a list which I assumed was the terms and conditions. Damage and liability. Living life was a liability, but they didn't charge your credit card the excess for that.

"Sir?" The clerk was waving a piece of paper under my nose.

"Thanks," I took the paperwork and it wasn't until I was out the door and into the parking garage that I realized she'd written her phone number across the top. Estelle. The goes the world and it's preconceived notions again.

An image of Jessie flashed in my mind and I could almost feel her lips on mine. Cursing, I shook my head and stormed up the line of parked cars, pressing the button on the fob. Orange lights flashed a few spaces up and I opened the boot, stashing my stuff.

I'd thought about which way to go, of course I had. The obvious choice would be to go to Las Vegas, but that's where Will and Zoe had gone. Following them wouldn't be a good idea. I could go to Flagstaff, then to the Grand Canyon on the less touristy side. I didn't want bright lights. I wanted stars and silence for a change.

Out of habit, I went for the right hand side of the car, but circled around to the left with a curse. This was going to be fun. Capital fucking F.

It was two days later that I pulled into a quiet lookout on the edge of the Grand Canyon. Just me, the wind, the sky and the plummeting depths. I'd lost count how many times I'd turned on windscreen wipers instead of the indicator and went to get in the right hand side. I hesitated at every left hand turn and weird ass traffic light and had been honked at more times than I knew was possible.

Out of the city and into the wilderness, I'd had the freedom to work it out. The driving, I mean. Everything else was still royally screwed up. It was just me, the road and the silence I filled with blaring whatever random song came up on my iPod. I really wasn't doing anything to get over Jessie. I was just filling the void with distractions because if I didn't think about her, eventually she'd be forgotten. Except every time I closed my eyes, I'd see her face. Her perfect brown eyes, her perfect lips and the problem was I still wanted her.

I'd driven down the coast a little towards San Diego, before circling back the next day to hit the city of Flagstaff, AZ. Beaches didn't do it for me anymore. I had plenty of daylight hours left to drive up to Grand Canyon Village and check out some of the viewing points. No one seemed to park at the stop I'd chosen, probably opting for whatever was back at the Village or further ahead. The sun was starting to dip, casting long shadows along the rock.

Kicking open the car door, I walked over to the barrier and looked over the edge of the cliff that plummeted down and down into nothing but jagged rock. I should be amazed, right? My breath should be taken away by the sight of one of the natural wonders of the world, but I felt nothing. It was great and amazing and all of that, but there was no one there to share it with. The sky stretched above me, open and empty and the canyon stretched below me, a void of space and rock etched with millions of years of natural history. Open and empty was exactly the way I felt right now and I had no idea how to deal with it.

I'd just started on this mindless trip to nowheresville. Zoe said I'd just have to give it time. I was determined to give it time before I flung myself over the cliff.

Gravel crunching underfoot, I slunk back to the car and sat on the bonnet, looking out over the canyon as the sun sunk even further. Taking out my phone, I was surprised to see I had a signal. I had no idea where they were, but I dialed Zoe's number and hoped she'd pick up. I needed to hear a voice and hers was the only one I wanted. We'd hardly gone a day without speaking to each other at least once. She was my anchor.

She picked up after three rings. "Dee?"

"Hey." I'm sure I sounded as deflated as I felt.

"How are you?" she asked and I could instantly hear the concern in her voice.

"Fine."

"Really?"

I let out a sharp sigh.

"What have you been doing?"

"I've been seeing the ass crack of America," I said wryly.

"Dee."

"Zoe."

"Where you at?"

"I'm driving cross country. I'm at the Grand Canyon."

"What part?"

"I dunno. Arizona? Utah? Arizona, I think."

"Are you lost?"

"No," I said, squinting against the sun. "I just don't have a destination yet."

There was silence for a moment and I wondered if I'd gotten away with it. Her not asking anymore questions about my unstable state of mind. "What aren't you telling me?"

I sighed dramatically, shifting on the bonnet. "Can't get nothing past you, Hot Legs."

"Shit no," she said. "What did she do?"

It annoyed the shit outta me, how Zoe knew everything I was thinking before I did. "She…"

"You can tell me. Just you and me."

"Everything she said, it just got worse. I-" I ran a hand over my face. "I felt it. It was real to me."

"You fell for her? Like…"

"Don't say it, Zo."

"Okay, I won't. What did she do, Dee?"

"We slept together and she left me in the middle of the night."

"Shit." I hoped realization was dawning, because I didn't have it in me to explain anymore.

"It's done. It's over."

"The label?"

"I'm not going to get her fired, Zoe," I huffed. "It was as much my fault as hers."

"Dee, it wasn't your fault. She ditched you."

"Yeah, but I pushed her emotionally. I may as well have gotten down on my knees and declared my love for her."

"You love her?"

"Fucking hell, Zoe," I sighed. "How could I love her? How? In the real world there's no such thing as love at first sight. Lust, yeah, but not love."

"But she got to you?"

"Obviously."

"Why didn't you tell me the other day?"

"Because I'm the one who looks after you. Not the other way around."

"Dee, I told you that I'd do anything for you. No questions."

"I know. It's just… I don't need to be saved."

"It's not about saving you," she said thinly. "It's about being there to support you."

I let out a long shaky sigh, not knowing what to say. What could I say?

"What do you want me to do? What do you want?"

"I don't know, Zo. I don't know what to do."

"Is being alone the best thing right now?"

"I'm not going home."

"I didn't mean…"

"I love you and the guys and I love the band. I always will. It's everything else... I just want more. Is it wrong to want more?"

"No, it's not. You more than anyone I know, deserves everything good in the world. You saved my life, Dee."

I felt tears welling inside me and was glad I was alone on the side of a highway in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere where no one was around to see me.

"I was so sure, Zo. I've never been so sure of anything in my whole entire life."

"I know. I saw."

"How could I be so fucking wrong?"

"If you're asking me and not the universe, I think she's the one who was wrong. Who'd do that to you? You're amazing."

"I don't know who I am anymore." It was out my mouth before I really understood what it meant.

"Dee?" she asked. "What do you mean?"

"I won't stuff the band up, Zo. Never. I just..." I let out a long sigh. "I just need this time before I come home, okay?"

She let it drop almost immediately and I was relieved beyond belief. "Where are you exactly? Like right now?"

"I'm sitting on the bonnet of my rental car looking out over the Grand Canyon. I'm the only one here."

"Dee, that's amazing. Think of the amazing thing you're seeing right now."

"If Dee was at the Grand Canyon and no one was around to see it, was he really at the Grand Canyon?" The silence stretched on into infinity and even I knew I was beating my head against a wall. I had to want to get over Jessie, not wallow in the thing I couldn't have with her.

"I don't know what to say to make it better, Dee."

"Time," I sighed. "You already told me."

"You don't have to tell me," she said, her voice so quiet on the other end of the line, I almost missed it. "I get it."

I didn't want to talk about it anymore. This whole conversation was beginning to go around and around like a perverted merry-go-round. "I'll call you in a couple of days, okay?"

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you."

I'd like to say that things were okay. I'd like to say that I wasn't feeling guilty for what I'd done. Anything I could have said would have been an excuse.

I'd looked down at Dee while he was asleep and realized I couldn't do it to him. He was genuinely good. Once he figured out I was less than nice, the crap I was hiding from, he'd ditch me first chance he got. So to save everyone, I cut out the middle man and left. I was afraid of the feelings he'd stirred up in me and I was afraid of hurting him. Walking away seemed to be the best option for both of us. He wouldn't have, so I had to.

I kept telling myself I had to be cruel to be kind, but that was just fucked up. If I thought doing something like running out on the sweetest guy ever in the middle of the night after sleeping with him, was the way to go… then I didn't deserve him. Problem was, I didn't deserve him in the first place.

I had to forget about Dee Cosgrove and Dee Cosgrove had to forget about me. It was as simple as that.

Sitting on the floor in the back room of Couch, the cafe slash bar where I worked, doing inventory wasn't helping my state of mind all that much. I started counting the back stock of coffee beans for the fifth time. One, two, eight, five, seven. Shit.

"Jessie," Ed called out into the silent room, making me jump. Ed was my boss and the sweetest thing. Flirted with me non-stop, but he was one hundred percent gay and one hundred percent sweetheart.

Looking up I saw his head sticking through the door, his glasses askew. "Yeah?"

"There's some woman out front asking for you."

I frowned, wondering who it could be. I didn't really have any friends outside of work. "Okay, I'll be a second."

Ed nodded and the door closed behind him. Dusting off my jeans, I wandered out front. That's when my eyes collided with Zoe Granger's.

Instantly, my blood ran cold and I felt like running the opposite direction. Why was she here? Why I even asked myself the question was pointless. There was only one reason and it was the one I left sleeping in my hotel room back in LA.

Taking a deep breath, I stopped in front of her on the opposite side of the counter, hoping that it would serve as some kind of buffer if she decided to throttle me.

"How did you find me?" I asked quietly. She leaned against the counter, looking tough with all her tattoos and wild hair and I felt like a mouse compared to her.

"I threatened Georgie with a sexual harassment suit."

I snorted.

"You know why I'm here, Jessie."

I nodded, trying to stop myself from checking for an escape route.

"I think it'd be best if we had a seat, yes?" She gestured behind her where the cafe was still fairly empty. Mid-afternoon and all.

I looked up at Ed, who nodded. "Take your break now if you want." He gave me a look that said 'are you okay?' and I nodded.

"Thanks." I rounded the counter and followed Zoe to a seat in the middle of the room stuffed with mis-matched couches. Whatever she had to say to me, I'd have to endure and I wasn't looking forward to it. I noticed her boyfriend sitting by the front window, a coffee on the table front of him. Truthfully, I was scared of Zoe. She and Dee had this thing that was… I had no words to describe it. She'd fight to the death to protect him and he'd probably do the same. Who was I to compete with that?

She eyed me across the table, taking in my shaking hands and I shoved them under my legs. "Why'd you do it?"

I stiffened. That was the million dollar question wasn't it? Why'd I keep fucking up everything? The only thing I had was the story I kept telling myself over and over. The one that oozed integrity, because I didn't really have any of that. I was a walking lie.

"When I started interning, I vowed not to be like Georgie. I promised myself that I'd never mix with the bands like that. I wanted to keep my relationships strictly professional. I overstepped the line."

"Bullshit," Zoe cursed, making me jump. "Sometimes you have to break your own rules to get your happy ending."

"I can't. I've screwed things up anyway."

"Yes, you have. But why do you think I'm here?"

I shook my head. "Why are you here? I assume you want to beat my ass and quite frankly, I don't blame you."

Zoe laughed, sitting back in her chair. "I'm not gunna beat you up, Jessie. I'm Dee's best friend. I know him like the back of my own hand. He'd do anything for me and I'd do anything for him. He has feelings for you and by the look on your face, I think you have feelings for him too."

"I can't," I began, looking around the cafe, anywhere but into Zoe's eyes. "It's too late. He wouldn't-"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't think you'd have a chance of getting him back."

"It's not that simple, Zoe. I can't leave." Another excuse.

She let out a sharp sigh. "Four years ago, my now ex-boyfriend pushed me down a flight of stairs, left me in agony and turned all my friends against me. I know all about running and not trusting. I wouldn't be who I am now without Dee's help and I certainly wouldn't be with Will. So yeah, I know exactly what you're going through. The first time Will kissed me, I ran away I was so fucking terrified he'd break me again."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I can see it written all over your face. I don't know what you're running from Jessie, but you're running in the wrong direction."

I crossed my arms over my stomach, squirming in my seat. How the hell did she know? Was I that much of an open book?

"Takes one to know one," she said, picking up on my feelings.

"Where is he? Is he here?" I swallowed hard. I didn't know what I'd do if he walked through that door now. He probably hated me. I hated me..

"No. He's on some crazy road trip in the middle of god knows where." She rolled her eyes, like it was messing with her too. "Look, he'll never come find you. He's not like that. Dee's had his fair share of ups and downs with women, but he's never had his heart broken before. He's taking it pretty hard. He's lost."

I flinched, looking at the table top. When I left, I didn't think it'd turn out like this. I thought I was saving him from heartache, not giving it to him. "I didn't mean… I…"

"I get it," Zoe said.

"Do you really think I have a chance at fixing this?"

She smiled, glancing over to where her boyfriend Will was sitting drinking a coffee by the front window. "We were in Huston," she said. "The only reason we're here is because of you. If that doesn't tell you anything, then I don't know what else I can say."

"Oh." They really flew all that way to convince me to try and win Dee back?

"Now, what are you gunna do? If you want him, I can help you track him down, but after that you're on your own."

The last time I'd made such a spontaneous decision, it landed me in hot water so deep, I'd almost drowned. If I could win back Dee, then maybe he could save me. Maybe I could save him. Maybe I could just make things right again.

"Okay," I said, before I could pull my classic move, the one that saw me running.

"Good."

"I need a day. I need to sort out work and…" My voice shook so much, I was sure I was about to burst out in tears at any moment. What if… No time for what if's.

"It'll be fine, Jessie. I'm not saying it won't be hard, because it will be. He'll make it hard because he's a stubborn ass, but if this thing is real between you, then you have to believe."

I looked at her for a moment, and suddenly she didn't seem so scary. "You know the thing you have with Dee is kind of intimidating."

She smiled, knowing that she'd worn me down. "I know. He'd kill me if he knew I was here."

I dropped my head into my hands. "I don't know how I let myself get to this point."

"Fear."

I looked up at her and bit my lip. She got it. I didn't know her whole story, but Zoe got it. I just hoped she was right about this, because it meant my whole life needed to be cut up and put back together. And I didn't know who I was going to be after the glue went on. That bit would be up to Dee.

Driving down the open road into the sunset sounds like such an adventure. The ever changing landscape, new places and faces. A new experience awaiting around every corner and rise. Just sitting there waiting for you to come across it. But, the open expanse of countryside felt as empty as I was inside. In true Dee fashion, I just kept on truckin'. Counter-terrorism.

I'd made it all the way to Denver from the Grand Canyon and I was tired of the car. I got a room at the first motel I came across, which looked like something out of a horror movie, and collapsed on the bed in a cloud of mothballs. I just wanted to sleep the pain away.

I hadn't played my guitar once, or even written a word in my notebook of songs. I hadn't done anything that I usually would have to cheer myself up. I hadn't even looked to see if there was anything interesting to do in this city. It was like the miles I'd driven were some kind of metaphoric distance thing. The further I drove, the further away from that thing that happened I'd be and at the end of the road nirvana would be waiting for me. So fucking philosophical.

Remembering the promise I made to Zoe, I fished out my phone and dialed her number. I might be on the slow road to rock bottom, but I still couldn't go a day without speaking to her. I had no idea where they were going next on their trip, I think she wanted to go to Huston and check out a bunch of space stuff. Huston we have a problem and all that crap. Zoe had this thing with stars and galaxies and was forever reading books and newspaper articles. Why, I don't know. The universe was too big for my tiny mind to comprehend.

The person you have dialed is not available…

When the beep came, instead of hanging up, I decided to leave her a message.

"So, I'm not dead yet," I said, catching my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I looked like shit on a stick. "I really miss you guys. Even Frank's stupid face and that's sayin' somethin'. This road trip is the furthest thing from Thelma and Louise as you can get. There hasn't been one trucker that's cat called me or nothin'." I debated on hanging up and trying her later, but I said what was on my mind. "The silence is getting to me. There's just… nothing and I don't know what to do about it."

Running a hand over my face, I grimaced. I didn't even understand what I was on about. Before I could get more philosophical in my depression, I pressed the end call button on the screen and tossed the phone onto the table.

Trying to understand this thing I was feeling was eating me up. Was I feeling this fucking shit because I'd fallen for Jessie? Like, no turning back fallen? I didn't think it was possible to love someone so soon after meeting them. Connection, explosive sex or no.

My phone started to ring, vibrating across the table. Picking it up, I saw it was Zoe.

"Hey," I breathed.

"Some message," she said and I could imagine the expression that went with her tone of voice. Like she was looking at a car crash.

"I never go in halves."

"Where are you?" Zoe was keeping tabs on me like a worried parent.

"Some shit hole motel outside of Denver."

She let out a long whistle. "You've driven a long way, Dee Dee."

"So? I'm driving to New York." I just decided it.

"That's even longer."

"I've got the time and the money. So what?"

"You're doing this because of Jessie," she said bluntly.

"I'm doing this because I want to," I snapped. "Please, Zo. I fucking love you, but just drop it."

"Dee, I'm just worried about you," she said in a small voice and I knew I'd hurt her feelings. Damn it.

"Look, Zo… I'm sorry okay? I just… I don't know. I'll be okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"You'll be there a while? In Denver?"

"I guess. I mean, I haven't decided which way to go yet. There's some stuff I want to see here."

"Like what?"

"Dunno. Check out a baseball game."

"Is it baseball season?"

"No idea. If it's not, maybe football."

There was a rustling over the line and the sound of a door closing. "You shouldn't be alone, Dee."

I knew she was referring to that comment I'd made about silence. The comment that gave away just how borderline I was. I was that close from crying and the moment I did, my manly reputation was out the window.

"It might be different for me, Zo, but maybe different is exactly what I need."

"You'll be in Denver for a while?"

"You're not fucking up your trip to come here."

"Fine."

"I'll talk to you later, Hot Legs." Time to sign this convo off before it got worse.

"Okay."

I pressed the end call button and tossed the phone back onto the table. I knew Zoe meant well, but this whole thing was beginning to grate against my nerves. Talking about it was like rubbing sandpaper against an open wound.

Maybe next time I should stick to a text message.

The next day, after wandering around Denver and finding nothing that held my interest, I went back to my seedy hotel room on the road out of town with a bottle of scotch under one arm and a bag of greasy take-away. I was just like one of those down and out types from the movies. I hadn't shaved in a week and I was beginning to look the part as well.

Staring up at the ceiling, feeling the slow burn of scotch in my stomach, I almost considered praying. Instead, I sat up and took another mouthful, deciding getting drunk might do the trick. For a night at least. Maybe I should drive somewhere more interesting. Nashville. I had no idea how far away it was.

Denver wasn't doing it for me. I had to find the next place and this time I probably should plan where I was going. Kansas City was the next obvious choice to go from here. Maybe from there I could find my way to Nashville. I wasn't that into country, but music was what fed my soul. I'd try for Nashville, wherever the fuck that was.

Knocking interrupted my downward spiral and with a groan, I got up to see who the hell would want to talk to me. Yanking open the door, I let out a sharp hiss as my eyes collided with none other than Jessie fucking Ware.

What. The. Fuck.

She slapped her hand on the door and pushed it out of my grasp and just walked right in with a waft of jasmine and vanilla. No hello. No nothing. Despite my thumping heart, I felt anger simmer and I slammed the door closed. Turning to face her, there was only one thing I wanted to do. The only thing my body would let me do.

Stepping into her, I grasped both sides of her face and shoved her back against the wall, my mouth over hers. Her hands fisted into my shirt as I kissed her with everything I had, her body pressed hard into mine. She tasted sweet, like lust and cherries. Always with the fucking cherries.

Her lips were on mine, kissing me back and it would have been so easy just to keep going, to let her consume me again, but remembering what she'd done to me, I tore my mouth from hers, stepping away until my back hit the opposite wall. Shit. Fuck. Ass. I ran a hand over my face, the stubble I'd neglected to shave off for the last week rasping against my skin.

I'd hoped it was out of my system after that, but it had just added fuel to the fire. I was hard, wound up and drunk as fuck.

"Dee…" she murmured with her sexy French-Canadian accent and I felt my cock twitch. Fucking traitor.

"What do you want, Jessie?" I snapped. I knew what I wanted, but she wasn't going to get it unless she wanted it too.

"I-" she began, but she closed her mouth and just stared at me with her fucking doe eyes.

"You came all this way and all you can say is I?" I hissed. "You ripped my fucking heart out."

"Dee..."

"What. Do. You. Want?"

"I can't stop thinking about you," she blurted, her eyes wet with tears.

Now I felt like an ass for making her cry. Why was I even feeling sorry for her? She pulled a classic fuck and run, pissed on my heart and set it on fire.

"Please, Dee. I'm sorry."

I shook my head, looking at the floor. "I said all those things…" Like a fucking moron.

"I'm sorry."

I dropped my head into my hand, screwing my eyes shut, but she invaded all of my senses anyway. "How the fuck did you even find me?" As soon as I said it, I knew the answer.

"Zoe."

"Fucking, Zoe," I exclaimed with an annoyed sigh. I shouldn't be mad with her. She obviously wanted to help, but I wasn't sure delivering Jessie was the right way of going about it.

"She told me a few home truths."

I bet she did.

"And she told me a few things about you."

I snorted. "Why did you come here? What do you want from me? It's a long way to come for a quick fuck."

She flinched, wrapping her arms around herself, eyes on the floor.

"Why are you here?" I asked again.

"I want to fix it. I'm sorry."

"You fucking left me," I yelled, slamming my fist against the wall. Thankfully for my credit card, I didn't leave a hole.

"Dee," she sobbed, shrinking back like a frightened animal. Despite the rage I felt in the pit of my stomach, I'd never hurt her. After everything that had happened with Zoe and her psycho ex and common decency... I wasn't like that.

I took in her slight frame, her downcast eyes, her perfect lips and it would be so easy just to give in. I could just take her right now and sate this need, but she'd fucking destroy me. She already had. I was on a one way street to nowhere town, population me. "You shouldn't have come."

"But, I did."

There was this twisted push and pull going on inside me. I'd never expected in a billion years to see her again, especially on my doorstep in the middle of the bloody country. A week ago, I would have done anything to keep her in my life. Now, I couldn't even look her in the eye.

"Zoe said…"

"I don't care what Zoe said," I interrupted.

"I did a shitty thing," she cried. "I did a shitty thing and I'm sorry for it. I came all this way to make amends. To see…"

"Stop." My fingers circled into fists at my sides. I couldn't do it. She couldn't just walk back into my life after walking to of it so dramatically. I was just me. The whole time I'd been truthful about who I was and what I wanted and she walked away. She used me and walked away.

"You need to leave," I said.

"Dee. Please hear me out."

"No."

"Please."

I looked up and saw the pain and desperation in her expression and despite the pull I felt towards her, I just wanted her to leave. "There's nothing you could say to make what you did better, Jessie. If you want closure… If you want to make yourself feel better by saying you're sorry… You won't get any of that from me."

Her lips moved, like she was trying to say something, but couldn't get it out. After a moment, she backed away towards the door, her shoulders sinking. I found myself beginning to feel sorry for her. Sorry that she wasted all her time and money by coming here. She opened the door and left, her eyes never leaving the carpet. When the latch clicked back into place, I strode over and drove the dead bolt home.

I had no idea what Zoe had said to Jessie to get her to come here, but it must have been epic and really, she shouldn't have bothered. I hope she made a phone call and not gone in person, because New York was a long way to go from Huston to tell someone a few home truths.

Zoe just needed to let go of whatever stupid notion she had about trying to save me. I didn't want to be saved. How many times did I have to say it? I knew I'd have a few choice words lined up for when I called her and I was already formulating the speech in my head.

Couldn't do anything about it now. I was hardly drunk enough. Grabbing the bottle of scotch, I sank back onto the bed and resumed my downward spiral.

The door closed behind me, the boom echoing out into the mostly empty lot. When the deadbolt slammed home, I squeezed my eyes shut.

He looked rough. The fact that his shirt was crumpled and he hadn't shaved in a while, paired with the tang of scotch made me realize just how hard he'd taken it. I felt like shit for what I'd done to him. I'd walked away from something that could have been epic. Zoe'd said he was taking it hard and it wasn't until that moment that I realized how true that statement was. She'd also said that she thought I had a chance of winning him back.

Maybe Zoe was wrong.

The anger in his eyes, the hurt that was there split me in two. I knew he wouldn't lift a hand to me, but the memories that had flooded back when he'd hit the wall... I couldn't help shrinking away. It was like an automatic response had been ingrained into my very soul. Someone got angry, so they had to hurt me. Dee wouldn't hurt me. Not like that.

My entire body flamed with embarrassment, shame and regret. All of the above and then some. I was a fucking idiot. A scared, clueless, idiot.

With a shaky sigh, I walked back down to the dingy motel office and rented out a room for the night. I never realized how many crappy motels were on the highway out of Denver when I looked at the map on the way over here. This seemed the worst of the bunch, but it'd do for a night.

There was no doubt that I had to formulate a plan. A way to try and fix this thing. No way I was going to give up after one attempt, not after coming all this way. Zoe and Will had altered their trip to convince me to come and if that wasn't an omen, I didn't know what it was. Her belief in Dee was the thing that had given me the courage to try and overcome those past fears. It was time to finally step up and be the better person I'd been trying to become for the past five years.

Pushing into the motel reception, I rang the bell, my mind ticking over different scenarios. Only one kept coming back to the surface of the whirlpool that was my thoughts. The only way Dee was going to even begin to forgive me was if I gave him no other option but to take me on his road trip to hell. If I forced him, then he'd have to face me. He'd have to listen. Spending time together was the only way I could even try to make this thing work.

I'd spend the night and face him in the morning. He'd obviously been drinking and trying to convince a drunk man to stop hating you was near on impossible. Better to wait until he was sober and coherent.

Ringing the bell again, I tapped my fingers on the counter. There was no going back now. New York wouldn't be the same after the way I'd left everything and the only thing that was certain right now was that I wanted Dee in my life. I needed him like a flower needed the sun. I'd walk over a pit of fire to win him back.

I'd done some pretty screwed up things in my life. Letting Dee Cosgrove go was the worst one.

Rolling over with a groan, I cursed the bottle of scotch I'd devoured the night before. It seemed like such a good idea at the time, but now I was paying for it. My head throbbed and my mouth tasted like something had died in it. I hadn't had a hangover in a long time and now I remembered why I was usually so careful.

This nagging feeling inside me was saying that something happened last night. More than getting drunk. My head was in that foggy in-between place, half still in sleep and half in my impending hangover. Clawing my way out of the scratchy polyester quilt, I put my feet on the floor and for the first time since she'd ditched me, I got up and started to pull it the hell together.

Getting in the shower was the first step, and then I needed to shave this crap off my face and get in the car and find my way to Nashville. It seemed like the Promised Land and if I managed to get there, then I hoped things would get better. I'd have music to distract me and feed my soul. Music was the only thing I could count on to save me. I had to believe it because I couldn't believe in anything else right now.

As the water pounded into my skin, washing away the stench of alcohol, my mind wandered back to the night before. Had Jessie really been here? She'd turned up at my door and I'd just lost it and kissed her. My tongue against hers, my hands in her hair, her perfect brown eyes. Running my fingers across my lips, I remembered what that felt like. Remembered what it was to be consumed. She was still in there, lodged in my heart, and I wanted her out.

That scotch really did a number on me. Did I get so drunk that I hallucinated her? Fucking hell. How would she even be able to find me? The moment I thought it, Zoe's face flashed in my mind. Fucking Zoe.

Dragging my sorry ass out of the shower, I cleaned myself up, shaving and getting dressed. I had to focus on the task at hand because if I didn't, then I'd be focusing on someone else.

Packing my bag and sliding my sunglasses on, I downed a glass of water before opening the door and walking out into the cool morning. The fresh air hit my face and it was oddly soothing.

What I didn't expect was Jessie sitting on the bonnet of the car and my heart did this stupid flip flop thing. So, not a alcohol related hallucination. I felt a burning sensation at the thought of kissing her last night.

"I don't have a way to get home," she said, her eyes fixed on me.

"Not my problem." I threw my stuff in the boot and slammed the back closed with a bang. Ignoring her, I went down to the office and dropped my key in the box. When I strode back, she was still standing there, her bag at her feet, hands shoved in her pockets. I looked her over and I didn't have it in me to abandon her in the middle of nowhere.

Grimacing, I said, "Get in before I change my mind." I slid into the drivers seat and waited as she scrambled to throw her bag in the back. When she got in the front it was in a cloud of vanilla perfume and I closed my eyes trying to filter it out.

Reversing out of the park and pulling out onto the road, my jaw was tense. All that carefully placed facade and dream of going to Nashville was totally blown to smithereens. It was so blown, it was splattered everywhere.

Thinking about which way I was going now wasn't much of an option. I'd looked at the map the night before, seeing where shit was. To get to New York, I'd have to go through Kansas City, then St Louis. I'd take her that far then figure out the rest later.

After a while of driving in complete silence, Jessie finally spoke up. "Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you home," I replied bluntly.

"What, all the way to Brooklyn?"

"I was going that way anyway. May as well get there a little faster."

"Do you even know how long it will take to drive to New York from here?"

I shrugged. "I've driven to Perth and back."

"Somehow I don't think that's the same."

"It's the same," I glared. "A long boring trip full of nothing." She visibly flinched, but I didn't take my eyes off the road.

"Why don't you just put me on a plane?" she asked, her voice thin.

I didn't have an answer for that. Maybe I wanted to see if she was actually sorry? That she felt bad for what she did... But, maybe I just didn't want to give her the money.

Even if I did have an answer, I didn't bother replying, plugging in my iPod and turning up the stereo instead. If I couldn't hear her, then she wasn't really there. So fucking childish.

She lasted three songs before she pulled out the iPod and stuffed it in the glove box. I scowled, but didn't take my eyes off the road. She wanted a reaction and I didn't want to give it to her.

"When I was a teenager, I was angry all the time." She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "I acted out, fought with my parents, snuck out at night, got drunk at school. I was a bad egg. I was expelled twice but somehow I managed to graduate. The same night, I packed a bag and disappeared."

So, she'd got it down to a fine art. "If this is the origin story to your ditching superpower, I don't want to hear it."

"I know I've made a lot of bad choices," she continued. "But, I want to make this right. I fucked up."

"Nothing you say will change anything," I hissed and flipped on the radio. What, did she think she could just turn up and tell me a stupid story and everything would be okay? She didn't want me, she wanted to feel better about herself. She wanted closure and fucked if I was giving it to her.

The outskirts of Denver slowly morphed into countryside, the silence between us stretching on. Exactly how I wanted it. My mind focused on the road ahead and the radio, listening to the ads and the news, anything to keep my mind off the body sitting beside me. The body I still wanted to bury myself in, despite all efforts to the contrary.

The moment I was alone, I'd call Zoe and rip shreds off her. There was no doubt her intentions were noble, but it was the wrong thing to do. Now I was stuck in a car with the one person who'd managed to ruin me because my stupid good guy streak wasn't able to leave her stranded in the middle of the country. This was the part of the story where things would get wild and somehow we'd get stuck together in a motel room somewhere and things would explode. Not this story, if I had anything to do with it.

I stopped for petrol around lunch time and without a word, got out and filed the tank. When I'd paid, I pulled the car into a park out the front and went inside for something to eat. I was vaguely aware that Jessie had followed me, but I didn't have it in me to make eye contact. I grabbed a sandwich and some water and took my haul back out to the car and ate in silence, watching the traffic on the highway zoom past.

When Jessie got back in with her own food and it was awkward as hell. I began formulating the things I wanted to say to Zoe as a way to distract myself. This was the day from hell.

"We can stop you know," Jessie said. "You might have to spend another day with me, but it won't kill you."

I sighed sharply, leaning my elbow against the window.

"It's like a nine hour drive to Kansas City."

I grimaced.

"You can't hate me forever. Nothing might ever happen between us again and we might never be friends, but you can't keep hating me."

I didn't answer. I didn't even know what to say to that.

"I think you're probably exhausted by now."

"From what?" I asked before I realized I actually wanted to know.

"The driving," she said carefully and I knew she really meant the hate thing. I didn't hate her. Hate was such a strong word. I nothing-ed her.. I couldn't feel anything for her because it was exhausting. It was exhausting having these dangerous feelings for a woman who could so easily run away from it all.

After letting the thought roll around in my head for a while, I said, "We'll stop in Kansas City."

Kicking open the door to the motel room, I cursed when I saw that there was only one bed. After a nine hour drive, I just wanted to collapse and not worry about it. Instead, Jessie and I were being forced together like magnets. Probability said that the more time we spent together, the more I'd want her because of the physical attraction, that it was only a matter of time, but this was too much.

"You can take it," Jessie said. "I can sleep in the car…"

"Don't be stupid," I said. "Take the bed."

She just shrugged and dumped her bag on the floor by the far window.  Deciding I'd feel better after a hot shower, I disappeared into the bathroom and stood under the water for what seemed like hours before finally dragging myself out. I'd have to face her sooner or later and hiding in the bathroom wasn't the best course of action. I was dying to call Zoe and tell her what for.

Pulling on my boxers and t-shirt, I cracked the door open and let my eyes run over the bed where Jessie was curled up under the covers, fast asleep and in darkness. All of these feelings were pooling in my heart and I didn't know what the hell to do with them. Calling Zoe would have to wait until tomorrow.

I didn't know what part of me didn't get her a separate room. Maybe the dark part that still wanted to screw her senseless. I climbed onto the bed next to her and lay on top of the covers, my back to her sleeping form.

I could've just slid underneath and pulled her back into my chest, breathed her in so deep I'd never forget her scent. I could've turned her over and kissed her awake, but it wouldn't mean anything. It was just my body trying to control me, to sate itself. My heart wouldn't be in it and my heart is exactly what I wanted to use.

Jessie was right. I couldn't hate her forever. I didn't have it in me to hate. Closing my eyes, I let sleep take me and hoped I would feel better about it in the morning.

When I woke, I never expected to find Dee asleep next to me. My heart ached as I took in his soft expression, the slight rise and fall of his chest, the way his hair had messed up. It reminded me of the way I'd looked down at him that morning. Now, the difference was that I'd never leave.

Maybe we didn't need to fix things. Maybe it was a case of starting over. I could keep saying I was sorry forever and never get anywhere. If I could get him to see the real me, then we might have a chance at being epic again.

Before he could wake and catch me staring, I went into the bathroom and had a quick shower. By the time I came out, dressed and ready to go, he still hadn't woken. He'd driven so far yesterday and not to mention whatever he'd been through before that, and it was no wonder he was so tired. Deciding to leave him be for a while, I wandered outside and down the street where a diner sat by the side of the road. Buying a couple of bacon and sausage muffins and two takeout cups of coffee, I went straight back to the motel.

Balancing the food in one hand, I closed the door behind me with a soft thud. Dee let out a groan as he rolled over, his sleepy eyes finding mine. For a moment he looked disoriented, like he didn't realize who he was looking at, then he frowned.

"I got you something to eat," I said indifferently. "Coffee, too." I tuned my back to him and set the food on the bench and pulled out my share and began eating. There was nowhere to sit, so I propped myself against the counter.

The mattress squeaked and a moment later he was beside me. "Thanks."

I stiffened slightly at the sound of his voice and nodded. "No problem."

We ate in silence, the smell of fresh bacon and coffee filling the tiny room, finally overpowering the trademark mothball smell all motels seemed to have.

"I'm having a shower," Dee said and for once it wasn't laced with anything untoward.

"Okay."

He disappeared into the bathroom and my shoulders sagged. Was that progress, as minute as it was?

By the time we were back in the car, it was less frosty than the day before. Dee still ignored me, but the tension in the air wasn't as thick and it made me wonder what it was that had begun to change his mind.

"Do you mind stopping at the next gas station?" I asked, breaking the silence.

He glanced over at me, then back to the road. The only indication he gave me that he'd agreed was when he actually pulled off the highway into a bright, shiny BP that had about six or seven long haul trucks in the lot. Cutting the engine he sighed and sunk back into the seat, stretching his arms.

"Want anything?" I asked, fumbling for the door handle.

"No, thanks." Grumpy, but still polite.

Inside the gas station, I detoured past the ladies room and then strolled down the aisle, looking for something to eat. Instead, I found myself looking at the magazine rack full of tabloids, newspapers and assorted pulp.

My eyes fell onto a copy of Rolling Stone. It was the new edition and I knew that there would be an article in there on The Devil's Tattoo. Remembering the shoot a week and a half ago, the one that Georgie had masterfully arranged for me to be absent from, I realized they really had cut it close to deadline. They probably went to print a few hours after the shoot.

I snatched up the magazine with greedy hands and flipped through the pages, finding the spot where they'd printed the photograph. It was double page, with a small article about the band. My eye was instantly drawn to Dee. He was standing behind everyone, but his presence was imposing, even in print. They all looked like rough rocker types, but his eyes were soft, looking over Zoe's shoulder directly into the camera. Georgie, for all of her short comings, did a great job with the styling.

My fingers traveled across the page, tracing the outline of Dee's face and I wished it was the real thing.

Letting the magazine close in my hands, I went up to the counter and bought it, wondering if Dee had even seen it yet. I couldn't remember if his cell had rung or if he'd even looked at it. I doubt something like that would have escaped my notice. The thought of him talking to someone else, to another woman, made jealousy flare.

My cell started to ring shrilly in my pocket and when I pulled it out, it said 'Unknown Caller'. Sighing, I declined the call. It was probably Georgie or some poor intern trying to get a hold of me. She could suck up all she wanted, I wasn't hers anymore to order around.

Paying for the magazine and two bottles of water, I went back out to the car where Dee was still sitting, watching the traffic go past on the highway to hell. He jumped when I dumped the magazine into his lap.

"Have you seen this yet?" I asked. "It just came out."

I watched carefully as he flipped open the magazine, settling on the page where the band's photo was. He looked at it so long, I didn't know what to make of it. Was he unhappy about it? Wasn't what he was expecting from the shoot? They didn't write anything bad about them. In fact, the writer had said they were the next big thing. Coming from Rolling Stone, that was cracking the big time. I doubted it wouldn't be long before Galaxy would be putting a national tour together as soon as the album came out. Strike while the iron was hot and all.

If I was Georgie, I'd get them on the festival circuit at the same time. Coachella would be their thing a billion times over.

"What?" I asked, when he was still staring at it after five minutes. "Don't you like it?"

"No," he sighed. "It's great."

"But?" What he said next made perfect sense, but it still surprised me.

"I miss them."

"They're your family," I whispered.

He looked up at me and even though I couldn't see his eyes through his dark sunglasses, I knew they were sad. His lips twitched into a half smile and he handed the magazine back to me. "Thanks for showing me."

"You're welcome," I said, curling my fingers around the paper like it was a lifeline. "Didn't anyone show you yet?"

"No," he shook his head. "I haven't looked at my phone for a while now."

"Oh." I was entirely sure that was my fault.

Without another word, he turned the engine on and backed out of the space. I wondered how much longer this could go on for. I was slowly chipping away at the edges, trying to get to know him again, but was it enough? I'd stalled him for another day, but in another we could be back in Brooklyn and that would be it.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I jumped when Dee let out a snort.

"What?" I asked, looking up at the billboard that was coming towards us. Big Al's Shrimp Shack.

"We're in Kentucky," he frowned, nodding towards the sign.

"So?"

"Doesn't seem the place for a shrimp shack."

"There's a lot of random stuff once you get out of the big cities," I said. "Isn't there stuff like that in Australia?"

"Sure."

"Like what?"

"There's a lot of big things," he shrugged.

"What do you mean?"

"There's a big banana, a big pineapple, a big koala, a big prawn…"

"No way." I twisted in my seat a little, so I could watch him.

"It's just tacky shit," he said, looking at me out the corner of his eye. "Crap built on the side of the highway."

"So? I love tacky. What else is there?"

He sighed and began rattling off the ones he knew. "There's a big sheep, a big crab, a big rocking horse, a big macadamia nut."

"A macadamia nut? Wouldn't that just be a big round ball?"

"Pretty much."

I'd finally got him talking and my heart began to swell with hope. The Dee that had hung out with me at Venice Beach was starting to show again and I'd do anything to keep him there. "Is there a website with all of these? I'd love to do a road trip one day."

"Probably," he said slowly, like he was suspicious of me.

"What?" I grinned. "I love tacky tourist attractions. Australia sounds like my kinda holiday destination."

His eyebrow rose and I sat back in my seat, flipping through the Rolling Stone.

"All I'm saying is that that kind of stuff adds character to a place. Like there's nothing there that people would want to come and see, but the people who do live there love it enough that they want others to come see it too."

He let out a snort and shook his head at me like he didn't believe that I'd thought up that notion all on my own.

"What?" I exclaimed with a smile.

All Dee did was shake his head again and flip stations on the radio. Sensing he didn't want to continue the conversation, I turned my attention back to the magazine, taking that one as a small victory. Another crack in the ice.

I didn't know if it was the fact that I was tired, or on some subconscious level I wanted to spend more time with Jessie, but I pulled over to a roadside motel later that afternoon. We were somewhere between St. Louis and Indianapolis, or at least I thought we were. If we stayed one more night, then tomorrow we'd reach New York in one piece. Maybe. I hadn't looked at the map yet, which was my usual style. Don't worry about it until the moment you get in the car.

When I cut the engine, Jessie didn't say a word. She just got out and stretched her arms back over her head, making her breasts stick out. Instantly, felt myself respond and ran a hand over my face. With a sigh, I pushed open the door and went down to the office to get a room for the night.

The room was the same as they all were. Motel entrepreneurs seemed to have this thing about floral prints from the seventies, but at least it was a decent bed for the night. It was the epitome of cheap and cheerful.

"Are you hungry?" Jessie asked. "There was a take out place down the street. I'll go get something if you want me to."

"Okay," I shrugged, setting my bag down on the end of the bed.

"Chinese?"

"Sure." Anything to get her out of here so I could call Zoe. She had it coming and it was a conversation that didn't need to be overheard.

Once Jessie was gone, the door closing behind her, I pulled out my phone and switched it on. Immediately there were several texts from Zoe and a voicemail from Simone. The voicemail I assumed was about the Rolling Stone article. The texts from Zoe were probably asking if I was okay. Reading through them, I groaned.

Where are you? You okay?

You're not dead in a ditch are you?

Do I have to come over there and slap you senseless?

Heeellllllooooooo.

No mention of Jessie, but she was obviously trying to play coy. Hitting her name in my favorites list, I pressed the phone to my ear, listening to each ring, trying to decide what I was going to say. Best to come right out with it.

"So, you are alive," Zoe declared when she picked up.

"Barely."

"How you doing?" She was totally tiptoeing around the thing she knew I wanted to talk about.

"Zoe, why the fuck would you go after Jessie? Did you get hit in the head or something?"

She sighed dramatically. "Took you long enough, Dee Dee."

"Why?"

"Because I could see how much it was eating you up."

"Yeah," I said, "but you didn't have to go and persuade her to come find me."

"I did what I thought was right."

"You didn't go there in person did you?"

"Maybe…" she said like she was trying to hide something.

"Zoe," I exclaimed, throwing my free hand in the air in exasperation.

"Dee, she was scared."

"She left me."

"I know she did a shit thing." Her voice was short. "She was scared. I get it. I ran too. Maybe not so dramatically, but I ran too."

"What did she tell you?"

"You know it's not my place to blab things she said to me in confidence. It doesn't work that way."

I grunted. Of course I knew it. When she and Will were screwed up, she would have throttled me if I'd spilled. Jessie needed to tell me on her own terms, but the fact was, I knew she wouldn't. She'd made that clear when she ran.

"So, she's road tripping with you?"

"I couldn't leave her in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere." I rubbed my eyes.

"Of course you wouldn't."

"'Cos I'm a fucking good guy."

"It's not a bad thing, Dee. How many times do I have to tell you?" she scolded me.

"I've got a pretty thick skull."

"So thick, I wonder if there's even a brain in there."

Despite myself, I laughed at her stupid joke.

"Has she talked to you about it yet?"

"No. I wasn't exactly thrilled to see her, Zo."

"I hope you weren't an ass."

"I was a big fucking ass. She won't talk to me anyway."

"If she won't tell you, maybe you should ask."

"Maybe I don't wanna know."

Zoe was silent for a while. "Do you have feelings for her?"

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. Back in LA, I would've said yes without blinking. Now, I wasn't so sure the thing that was churning inside me was love, hate or something in between.

"Maybe you should talk to her and figure it out."

"Talk to her about what?" I scoffed. "I don't want to talk about that thing." I didn't know what else to call it.

"You don't have to have a deep and meaningful," Zoe laughed. "Start again. Get to know her beyond the Jessie you met in LA. I'm not saying you should forgive her, or start a relationship or anything. I mean you should try and get to know her as a person first. Find out what makes her tick. Then you might understand why she did what she did."

Zoe was so smart sometimes it made me feel inadequate. I told her as much and she laughed.

"You know I'm the brains of this operation, Dee Dee."

"All the way," I said, lying back on the bed. "Thanks, Zo."

"Feel a little better?"

"Yeah, but I wish you didn't go in person. I mean, it fucked up your trip."

"It didn't screw it up," she reassured me. "We're doing the same thing, just backwards."

"You're too good for me, Zo."

"We're perfect for each other."

Jessie came back twenty minutes later with a plastic bag of food in one hand.

"I saw a bar back there a bit," she said, dumping the takeout on the table. "There was a cover band playing. It looked like a rock thing if you're interested."

I thought about what Zoe said on the phone. Had Jessie really run out on me because she was scared? If she had, then wasn't it a big deal she had the guts to come back and face me?

"Sure."

She looked at me like she didn't expect me to agree without an argument and quickly changed her expression. "Okay. Later."

We ate in silence, neither of us knowing what to say to one another, and I found myself wanting a drink to take the edge off.

"Well," she said a moment later. "If we're going out, I'm going to have a quick shower and get changed." She dusted off her hands and collected her rubbish, dumping it in the plastic bag. Rifling through her bag, she pulled out some clean clothes and disappeared into the bathroom.

Once the door was closed, my mind instantly went to the conversation I'd had with Zoe. I thought about that first tour we'd been on with The Stabs. Zoe had been so hell bent against letting Will get under her skin that she needed a talking to. I'd paired up with him to try and convince her to take a chance.

Zoe was my best friend, but fuck she could be stubborn. We'd been standing together in the elevator one day after breakfast and I'd said the most profound thing I'd probably ever say in my entire life. Sometimes you've gotta take a chance, no matter how broken you've been in the past. Did I really say that to her? What kind of person was I if I couldn't take my own advice?

This time, Zoe was the one who was dishing out the home truths. Get to know her. I think I'd used that one on her at some point, too. With a sigh, I cleaned up the remains of dinner and changed my shirt, pulling on my denim jacket. When girls say they're going to take a quick shower, it usually means forty-five minutes at a minimum. I flicked on the television and found a rerun of The Simpsons to bide my time.

I could hear the water running in the adjoining bathroom and the splashes as she moved around. All I could think about was the fact that she was naked in the next room. It was a typical guy thing to do, but I sat on the end of the bed, my hands jammed underneath my legs, my focus totally shot.

When she finally emerged in a waft of steam, I looked up and my heart stopped. Black skinny jeans hugged her ass, a loose fitting blue singlet hung around her breasts just so and she had her beat up biker boots on. One hundred percent of the things that turned me on about her on show. Why the hell did she have to look so fucking gorgeous? I mean, she could wear a garbage bag and I'd still be hard.

"Did you want the shower?" she asked and my eyes snapped back up to her face.

Unable to remember how to speak, I shook my head.

"Did you want to go then? I can drive if you wanna have a drink. I remember where the place was."

Nodding, I grabbed the car keys from my pocket and held them out. I didn't want to be attracted to her, I couldn't handle it, but the image still flashed through my mind of us just staying in and peeling off those tight jeans. When her fingers brushed against mine, it would've been so easy to pull her on top of me and pull that singlet over her head and… But, I couldn't trust her. Not yet or maybe not ever.

Jessie drove us the ten or so minutes to the bar she'd seen and pulled into the car park, which was already crammed. Seemed like it was a popular place, but maybe that was because it seemed to be the only place. Utes, beat up trucks and other assorted bombs were parked haphazardly on the gravel, which was a glaring indicator of the clientele. So, I'd probably fit right in.

The bar itself was a small, dark, hole in the wall. At one end was a stage, set about half a meter above the floor and packed tight with the house band's gear. They had a half decent drum kit and their amps weren't half bad either. Marshall with Orange heads. The music nerd inside me wanted to go up and have a closer look, but my eyes settled on the bar and it was probably a good idea to go there first.

The music that was blaring out of the sound system was pretty good, too. Rock mixed with some indie and punk. When a NoFx song came on, Jessie started to nod her head next to me, her eyes scanning the crowd.

"You're into punk?" I asked, surprised. I took her for an indie girl, not this hardcore stuff.

"Yeah," she shrugged, looking up at me. "The American stuff, though." When it came to punk, there was a distinct difference between the British and American bands. "But, I like lots of different things," she continued. "Indie. Rock. Electro."

"I'd never have picked it."

"I was a rebellious punk rocker."

"I was the class clown."

"I believe that," she smiled.

The bartender came along then and broke our conversation and took our order. A moment later, when I felt the slow burn of scotch down the back of my throat, my nerves began to settle along with my libido. I downed the rest in one go and slammed the glass back down on the bar. I didn't know what else to say to her, so I just walked off across the bar, weaving through the crowd that had started to thicken even more and found myself side of stage.

Curious, I began looking over the band's gear, seeing what stuff they had rigged. There was a lot more to music than just playing. I mean, there's so many things you can do with sound that just makes the thing you're playing so much richer. The effects, reverb, distortion.

"Hey," a voice said beside me.

Looking up, I saw a guy watching me. "'Sup, mate. This your stuff?"

"Yeah, I'm the guitarist." I wondered with the kind of people that were filling up the bar if he was worried that I was going to swipe something.

"Just checking out the gear you use," I said.

The guy scratched his head. "Yeah, not the top of the line shit, but we get a decent sound outta it."

"Orange are great," I said pointing to the heads over their amps. "I have a lot of mates who use 'em and swear by 'em."

"Do you play?"

"Yeah. Guitar."

"What's your rig?"

"Similar, though I have a more recent model Marshall and my head's Marshall as well."

"Sweet." The guy was all and truly hooked with the amp talk. "What pedals do you use?"

"I made my own," I said. "I had some old stuff lying around and I got a mate to help me with it."

"Shit, that's a bit complicated for me, hey. I got mine off eBay for dirt."

"Nothin' wrong with that."

"Dave," he said, holding out his hand.

"Dee," I replied, shaking it.

Another guy came up beside us and looked me up and down.

"Hey, this is Stu, our drummer," Dave said, elbowing his friend.

"Hey, mate."

"Hey, Australian?" Stu asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Yep."

"Then I'm positive it's you."

I frowned.

"Yeah," he said. "Rolling Stone."

I grimaced. "Yeah, that's probably it."

"You're in that new Aussie band that's been kicking about. The Devil's Tattoo. I was reading that article today and when I saw you come in with your girl, I thought I recognized you."

I was in another country in the middle of nowhere and some guy had just recognized me. I probably should have been all over it, and on an ordinary day I would've, but I wasn't feeling it.

"What are you doing here of all places?"

"Holiday."

"And who's the girl? She your other half?" Dave nodded towards the bar.

I glanced over at Jessie. She was leaning across the bar, giving her order to the bartender and my eyes skimmed over her ass. "Na, I'm just giving her a lift."

"You just picked her up?" he scoffed. "Where do I find one?"

"Oh, no, I know her. It's just... complicated."

"Man, she wants you." Stu clapped me on the shoulder.

I shrugged.

When they wandered off to get ready for their set, Jessie sidled up to me, handing me a beer. "Making friends?" she asked with a smile. Her too perfect fucking smile.

"You know what I'm like."

"Not really," she frowned. "But, I can imagine."

With a shrug, I turned around and watched the guys I'd just met plugging in their guitars. A third guy had joined them, picking up a bass. As soon as Dave tapped on his mic to test it, the crowd seemed to mellow and press towards the stage. They must be well known around here, because people seemed to be amped to hear them play. This place was a tiny pimple on the ass of the world, so any band must be a good band when there weren't any others.

When they started playing, I kinda ate my words a little. They were pretty good. They played a few old school rock songs from The Rolling Stones and Deep Purple and some newer stuff like Nirvana and even The Killers. A bit of a mix of styles, but they seemed to know enough to pull it off. Jessie moved about next to me, swaying to the music, sipping on her beer and I was aware of every little thing she did. Her lips around the glass of the beer bottle, the scent of her trademark vanilla perfume, the way her eyes closed as she listened to the music.

When the crowd thickened down front, I angled myself partially behind her, pressing against her back. She said nothing and just kept on moving with the music, rubbing against me, driving me totally bat shit crazy. It made me wonder if this was a part of her plan to make things up to me. Or rather, get back into my bed, but my head was too fuzzy to even think about that coherently.

When the song finished and people around us began clapping, I leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

She looked up at me over her shoulder with her big fucking Bambi eyes and nodded.

Standing in front of the mirror in the men's room, I looked at my reflection. My face was flushed and I cursed the fucking day Jessie Ware had walked into that recording studio. It would be so easy just to take her home and fuck senseless, because that's the only thing my body wanted, but I knew she wanted more. If I did that and then dumped her at her door tomorrow, then I wouldn't be any better than she’d been.

Fuck, she hadn't even explained to me why she did it. Wasn't that why she came all this way? To apologize and try to win me back? I assumed so, because why would someone fly cross-country to say they were fucking sorry? Either that, or she was scared I would get her fired from Galaxy.

It couldn't work between us. We lived worlds apart and I couldn't get over that thing. Her fuck and run. That had scarred me deep enough that I could never forget it.

Looking at myself in the mirror I thought, Get a fucking grip, Cosgrove. Don't fall for it. That was the game, wasn't it? Planting a seed of doubt, cracking the ice and whatever other fucking metaphors applied.

Waiting another minute, I went back out into the bar and looked out across the crowd and instantly found Jessie where I'd left her. How could I not notice her in a sea of people? She was like magnetic north in a fucking blizzard. But, when my eyes fell onto her delicate body, my blood began to boil.

A guy stood beside her, talking in her ear and she was shaking her head, moving away. I could almost read his lips. Trying to buy her a drink, trying to pick her up, trying to convince her to go for a round out back behind a dumpster like a dirty fuck. She was having none of it, her expression was calm, but she was saying no. Trying to be polite about it when she should’ve slapped him one.

I began to move forward, weaving through the crowd, trying to keep my temper from boiling over. Every now and then I'd lose sight of her, this overwhelming pool of jealousy simmering in my gut. When I finally made it back, what I saw almost made me snap.

He was a fucking red neck hick, all up in her personal space, probably rubbing his disgusting cock against her leg and it made me sick. Sick that a pervert could have the fucking gall to pressure himself on a woman like that.

"I said no," Jessie exclaimed, trying to push him off, her voice beginning to sound panicked.

"C'mon," they guy said, his hand fumbling for her breast.

A synapse must have snapped in my brain, because I strode forward and pushed him off her with a violent shove. Before he had a chance to recover, my fist connected with his face, jarring through my bones. He fell backwards on his ass, parting the crowd like fucking Moses at the Red Sea.

"She fucking said no," I said, stepping forward to pull the asshole up but hands were on my arms, pulling me back. It took me a moment to realize that the hillbilly fuck had a couple of mates, but by that time, the guy was on his feet, sinking a punch into my gut.

Doubling over with a groan, I wrestled my way free and launched myself forward. I landed on top of the guy and started punching, blind with anger, the sound of flesh cutting into flesh ripping through the alarmed cries of the punters around us.

"Dee," Jessie shrieked at me, but I didn't listen.

The other guys hauled me off their stupid fuck of a friend and I was on my back, a boot sinking into my side. Then a fist to the face and the coppery tang of blood in my mouth as my lip split against my teeth.

I vaguely heard Jessie yelling at me, then silence as the band stopped playing. Dave and Stu were pulling the three hicks off me, but not before the one that had tried to feel up Jessie grabbed the front of my shirt and lifted me half off the floor, getting in another punch. This time, right over my left eye. I fell backwards on the beer soaked floor, spots dancing in my line of vision, but I was too angry to give a fuck. When a woman said no, it fucking meant no.

I tried to get up again, to find the fuck so I could beat his ass some more, but hands were coiled in the front of my shirt. Long, almond toned, delicate fingers pulling me to my feet. I would have gone as far as to say an angel was pulling me to heaven, but that was probably from the repeated blows to the head.

Then, she spoke. "Fuck Dee, we've gotta get out of here."

I fisted my hands into Dee's shirt, pulling at him so he'd get off the ground. "Fuck Dee, we've gotta get out of here."

His lip was split and there was a cut above his left eye that was bleeding down his face. The other guy didn't look much better, but it had been three on one.

"Get off me," he hissed, shoving my hands away and scrambling to his feet.

"No," I said, pulling him through the crowd. "The cops are coming."

"How the fuck you know that?"

"You don't want to know," I grimaced. "If we don't leave then they'll probably throw you in jail for the night." I looked around for the other guys, but they'd already split. They knew the score, which probably meant they got into fights all the time for the kicks.

"I don't need you to protect me," Dee said, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He only succeeded in smearing the blood more.

"Fuck you, Dee." I was sick and tired of his sullen woe is me attitude. Just when things were starting to mellow, he went and said stupid things like that. I grabbed his wrist and led him from the bar, people parting to let us through. Either he was surprised at my outburst or he had concussion, because he didn’t argue anymore. I hardly ever swore, but I’d had enough of everything.

Out in the lot the air was cool and refreshing after the melting pot of bodies inside. The coast was clear, the rednecks had disappeared into the sunset, so I turned and shoved my hand into the pocket of Dee's jeans.

"Hey," he hissed, trying to twist away from me.

"I'm just getting the keys," I scowled. "I'm not trying to feel you up." I pressed the button on the fob and the doors clicked open. "Get in."

He slid into the passenger seat, a scowl firmly etched on his face. My eyes ran over the trails of blood that had dripped down onto his shirt and made a decision.

As I pulled the car out onto the highway, I caught sight of the blue and red lights of a cop car in the rear view mirror. I'd been right, but didn't bother mentioning it.

"Where are you going?" he asked, catching on that we weren't going back to the motel.

"I'm taking you to the emergency room."

"Fuck no." He sounded majorly pissed off.

"That cut above your eye is nasty, Dee. It might need a couple of stitches."

"I said, no."

I cringed as his words sliced through me. I knew that he'd just walk away the moment the car stopped, so with an annoyed sigh I pulled over and did a U-turn to go back to the motel. I thought about the things I'd given up to even be here right now and white-hot anger simmered in my stomach. Dee just wanted to punish me, he never wanted to listen to an apology. He wanted to punish me and keep rubbing it in like a fucking child.

I pulled into the gas station and without a word, climbed out the car and went into the overly lit store, looking for some antiseptic wipes. If Dee was stupid enough not to go get his head looked at, I was going to make him clean it up properly. I didn't care how much he complained, he'd got into a fight to protect me. It was then that my thoughts caught up to me. He'd tried to protect me.

Maybe he didn't hate me after all? Things had started to smooth out so maybe it would be okay. By the time we got back to New York, maybe we'd be okay.

Looking over the meager selection in the medicinal isle, which was just a shelf tacked onto the candy bars, I grabbed a travel-sized pack of antiseptic wipes. I went up to the front counter, pulling change out of my pocket and practically threw it at the guy behind the register and stormed back out to the car.

Without a word, I drove us back to the motel, pulling into a spot in front of the door to our room. Dee was out and inside before I had a chance to lock the car behind me. Following him in, I went to grab his wrist.

"Just leave it alone," he said, knocking my hand out of the way.

Determined not to let him get his way, I pushed him back onto the bed with a hard jab to his chest. "Stop being such a stupid jerk and let me take care of you. It's not my fault you're too stupid to go to the hospital." He looked at me like I was either a crazy bitch or just plain mental. “Yeah,” I continued, seriously riled up, “when you push me I bite back.”

I pulled out the travel sized antiseptic wipes from my back pocket. The cut above his eye looked deep and who knew what nasty stuff was growing on the floor of that bar. Not to mention where that guy’s nasty hands had been. Cleaning the blood off with antiseptic was better than soap and water.

Pulling a chair over, I sat in front of Dee, our knees pressed together. Despite how pissed I was at him, the mere act of touching, even through our clothing, was electrifying. Biting my lower lip, I opened the wipes, took one out and began dabbing the cut over his eyebrow. As soon as the antiseptic hit the open wound, he pulled away with a hiss.

"Keep still," I murmured, putting my other hand on his shoulder and dabbing again, cleaning the dried blood away. I didn't know much about cuts, but this one didn't look that deep and he probably would’ve gotten away without stitches.

He sat there without complaint as I moved onto the cut in his lip and my thoughts instantly went to that night we'd spent together. I felt that place between my legs stir and my breath caught. Dropping my hands, my eyes flickered up to find his locked on me. I just wanted to press forward and push him back onto the bed and touch every part of him. I wanted to feel that fire like I had that night. I wanted to go back so badly and change everything.

I let my hand trail up his leg and my fingers curled into his shirt, brushing against the bare skin of his hip. My body was shifting itself forward, drawn to him like a magnet, desperate for something. Anything. Finally drawing on some confidence, I looked up and almost gasped when I saw how close we were. His eyes were taking me in, lingering on my lips. I was too afraid to move, too afraid that any sudden movements would scare him away like a wild animal.

Our noses brushed together, his breath tickling against my skin. He smelt like beer, blood and antiseptic mixed with the spicy cologne he usually wore. The cologne that would always remind me of him.

Kiss me, I urged silently, kiss me.

Taking a chance, I brushed my lips against his, my whole body prickling with anticipation. At the last second, I felt him tense.

"Don't," he whispered and I jerked back, breaking contact.

God, he just woke this thing inside of me that couldn't be sated. I wanted to latch on and never let go. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again. I understood how he'd felt now and it made what I did all the more painful. He didn't want me anymore. I'd royally screwed it up. Forever.

"Dee?" I whispered, looking at my hands because I was too much of a coward to look him in the eye. Fingers took the wipe from my hand and tossed it in the plastic bag from earlier. When the silence stretched on and he didn't reply, I just said what was on my mind. "I am sorry, you know. For everything."

The only sound that broke the silence was the thrumming of my heart in my ears. Surely he could hear it? I didn't know what else I could do to show him. What else I could say.

When he got up and closed himself in the bathroom, I let the tears I'd been holding in fall.

I woke to a hand on my shoulder.

As soon as I shifted in the chair, I knew my back was stuffed. My head ached, but that was from the multiple punches I'd copped the night before.

"You should have slept in the bed," Jessie said thinly. "I wouldn't have minded."

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak, and rubbed some feeling back into my neck. Last night she'd taken care of me and cleaned my wounds like a fucking sexy nurse. It would’ve been so easy to lean over and kiss her, to loose myself again, but I couldn't. I just couldn't find it in myself to let it go.

Seeing that guy trying to pressure himself on her, that had broken something inside me I never thought lived in there. Jealousy.

"I was..." I began, but didn't know how to finish the sentence.

"Was what?"

"Too fast in saying all that stuff to you before."

"Oh." She edged away slightly, her eyes downcast. I knew what she wanted, but me? I still wasn't sure.

"It was probably for the best that you ditched me." I leaned forward, elbows resting on my knees and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"Dee…"

"I'm sorry you came all this way."

"Shut up," she hissed.

"It's the truth." As the words fell from my lips, I wasn't so sure that that statement was as truthful as I wanted it to be.

"Are you trying to punish me?"

My head dropped into my hands and my fingernails bit into the skin of my scalp.

"How long is this going to go on, Dee?" Her voice was clipped. She was majorly pissed off with me.

I got up and started to shove my stuff in my bag, just scooping my clothes from the night before and screwing them up in balls. Anything to get gone from this place.

"What are you doing?" Jessie asked. She hadn't moved from where she stood by the chair, arms wrapped around her.

"We're going," I said.

"Then let me drive."

"No. I'm fine. My head doesn't hurt anymore." Total lie.

"If you don't want me to drive, then at least stay here another night. You'll wear yourself out."

I should have felt at least a little warm that she was worried about me, but I just wanted this whole thing to be over. It was too complicated and confusing for a simple guy like me.

"Dee, you were punched in the head repeatedly, kicked in the stomach and you slept in a chair all night. If you're not going to let me drive, then we're not going anywhere."

I grabbed the keys off the table and walked towards the door. "Fine. Then you can stay, I'm going." I opened the door, but her hand was there, slamming it closed again.

"You're such a stubborn asshole," she hissed.

I let my head bash against the back of the door and dropped my bag.

"Have a shower. I'll go get some breakfast for us. Okay?" She pulled me back from the door and I didn't have it in me to argue anymore. She pushed past me and went outside, giving me a pointed look as she closed the door. Damn it. Of course she knew I wouldn't leave without her, so that meant I was stuck here until she got back.

With a groan, I pulled my bag along the floor and back into the main part of the room. I didn't want a shower, but I knew it'd help my aching muscles better than sitting in a car for six hours straight.

Pulling everything out my bag, my hands connected with my notebook that had been buried and forgotten at the bottom for the past two weeks. It was full of words and scribbles, torn and dog-eared pages. Full of songs and lyrics and pieces of my soul. Pulling it out, I ran my fingers along the cover. I'd given Zoe one back when we'd started the band as a way to help her air her feelings a little. She'd been so closed back then, living in a world of denial, that I thought it would do her some kind of good.

Lying back on the bed, I flipped through the pages, reading bits and pieces of songs that I'd started, ones that I'd finished and chord progressions I'd been working on. They were all pre-Jessie Dee. Full of carefree longing and hope. I'd wanted to fall in love so badly before. I'd wanted a connection with someone like I needed air to breathe. The last two weeks had only shown me that that dream was foolish.

Resting the notebook on my chest, I closed my tired eyes, listening to the sounds of the motel. A slamming door, the sound of a television, the shower running in the next room and it wasn't long before I fell asleep.

I didn't know how long I'd been comatose, but when my eyes cracked open, it was still light out. Or that might have been the security light outside. It was hard to tell.

Jessie was sitting in the armchair, reading a magazine, a brown paper bag of food on the table beside her. She must have felt my eyes on her, because she looked up and gave me a small smile.

"Feel better?" she asked.

"What time is it?" I groaned, rolling over.

"Six thirty."

"Sorry." I don't know what good it did, sleeping all day and night, but I felt weird having slept in my clothes.

"Don't worry about it. You needed to rest."

"The food…"

"When I said I was getting breakfast, it was really lunch," she shrugged. "Just sandwiches, so yours is still good if you want it."

I sat up, resting my back against the headboard and Jessie sat next to me, taking out a sandwich from the bag. We sat together like that for a while, our legs outstretched on the mattress while I ate, another awkward silence hanging in the air between us.

When I was done, she didn't move, picking up her magazine and flipping through the pages. Looked like some kind of hipster fashion thing. I grabbed my notebook again and ignored her, opening up to a new page. Working on some of the shit that was stuck in my head seemed better than just sitting there in silence.

"What are you writing?" she asked after a while of nothing but pen scratches on paper. Her curiosity obviously got the better of her and I wondered if that was a good thing or a bad one where she was concerned.

"I'm trying to write some lyrics."

"Can I see?" Her voice was so hopeful, I shrugged and let her lean over my shoulder. It wasn't exactly ground breaking, soul bearing stuff I was writing.

"This is great," she exclaimed after a minute.

"It's a load of shit."

"Better than I could do."

I watched her out the corner of my eye as she scanned the page again, trying to decipher my messy handwriting.

"It's i before e." She pointed to the word pieces that I'd misspelt. "And you need a comma there."

"Who the motherfucking hell cares where I put the letter I," I cursed. "If it's a good story, then who the fuck cares."

"Just offering some advice."

"It's the imperfections that make things better. People aren't perfect. I can't spell for shit? Who the fuck cares?"

She shifted next to me and said, "I could say something about that."

Cue blood boiling. The expression on my face must have been enough, because she promptly dropped it.

Flinging the notebook back into my open bag, I slid off the bed and declared, "I'm having a shower."

I was falling in love with Dee Cosgrove.

It was the little things that got to me. The way he wrote in his notebook. The way he got annoyed when I picked on his spelling. The way he'd tried to protect me from those guys at that bar. The way he'd looked at me that first day at the recording studio. Every time he'd do something little, like chew on the end of his pen or not bother tying up the laces on his boots… it made my heart swell.

Then it was the way he talked about music. Like it filled his soul and made his heart beat. Like it was as important as oxygen for his survival. I don't think he knew how passionate he was. He was a good guy, kindhearted and funny and every hurt he took on the chin. Until I'd walked out on him.

Behind closed doors, he could be this brooding, dominant man, who just took control without warning and it turned me on. Just thinking about it made me wet. We'd seemed to have this recurring thing about grinding against walls that got me every single time.

Dee wasn't a bad guy. He didn't have a bad bone in his entire body. He was just hurting and by the way he was reacting to it, he’d probably never had his heart broken before. I was his scar, his wound. Me.

Last night, when we'd almost kissed, I'd thought about busting into that bathroom and talking to him. The way I saw it, I only had two options. I could just throw myself at him and force him to face me, or I could just give him the god’s honest truth.

I was going to tell him everything and when I said everything, I meant every dirty little detail. When I first moved to New York it wasn't good. I probably should say, I ran away to New York without the support of any friends or family. I just upped and left and never looked back. I should’ve looked back because when you have to live on the street, desperation claws its way to the surface. Desperation was the thing that had gotten me in a whole heap of trouble. I'd ended up broken and terrified and with no one to help me through the aftermath.

Deep down, I knew that was the reason I'd run out on Dee, not the whole professionalism angle I'd been trying to convince myself with. That was only an excuse. I thought I'd moved on and grown and dealt with it all, but obviously I was lying to myself.

I don't know what stopped me from walking in there. Fear that he'd judge me for my past mistakes? Fear of rejection? If he actually said it, that he didn't want me, then it would really be forever. I would never get to talk to him, or even touch him again. He would just disappear and life would go on. There was no moving on from Dee Cosgrove… not for me.

The familiar feeling of desperation was simmering to the surface and even I didn't know what I was going to do.

Tomorrow we'd be back in New York and he would leave forever. I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't.

Turning on the shower, I pressed my forehead against the glass, waiting for the water to warm up. There was this cyclone of emotions rolling around my heart and I didn't know how to stop them. It was exactly like that movie Twister, except there was no cow flying past the window. I just had to hold on and ride it out.

Ducking underneath the spray of water, I leaned a cheek against the tiles and let the warmth soothe out the kinks in my neck and my heart. Or whichever way you wanted to look at it.

At first I didn't realize I wasn't alone, but when the shower screen slid open, my breath caught in the back of my throat. I was too tired to say anything. Too tired of this stupid game.

Jessie pressed the length of her body into my back, lips against the curve of my shoulder. Grateful she couldn't see my face, I bit my lower lip to stifle a moan that had been boiling up inside me. I wanted her. After everything, I still wanted her.

She slid her hands over my hips, the contact searing through me. Shit. Fuck. Ass. Why did she have to have this effect on me? It was hard enough to keep myself under control, to keep this dangerous thing from destroying us both, and she had to come in here and push it.

As her hands trailed towards the one place I wanted her to touch, I stifled another moan leaning my face harder against the tiles. Her breasts were pressed into my back and it was all I could do not to turn around and just take her.

"Don't," I groaned as she was about to take me in her hands.

"Why not?" Her lips were soft against the curve of my shoulder. Did she get a kick out of torturing me? Was that what this was?

I pulled her hands away and dragged her around to face me. This time, her back was against the tiles and I was the one in control. "If I fuck you now," I said, my eyes drilling into hers, "it won't mean anything."

"I don't care."

I felt my entire body stiffen as her words sliced through me. No, she didn't, did she?

"I don't care," she said again. "Fuck me how you want, but I can't let you go."

Turning off the shower, I stepped out, pulling a towel around my waist. I heard a muffled whimper behind me as Jessie followed and I watched in the mirror as she dried herself off, a look of absolute defeat on her face. I hardened even more at the sight of her naked body and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I had to try something," she said and I clenched my jaw.

That's the thing about tentative grips. They're tentative until something comes along and breaks them.

Before I understood what I was doing, I turned and pushed her back against the wall, the towel dropping away. Her lips parted as she gasped, but her eyes never left mine.

"Is this what you want?" I asked, pressing my erection into her stomach.

"Yes."

I tugged her towel away, flinging it across the room and before I could take her breasts in my hands, her fingernails sunk into the skin of my ass and she moved against me. Sucking in a sharp breath of air between my teeth, I grabbed her around the waist and turned her around, bending her over the countertop. She couldn't touch me, but I could touch her wherever I wanted.

"You used me, led me on. You walked out on me after..." I almost choked, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. Letting my fingers curl into her wet hair, I tugged her head back. "You destroyed me. I'm nothing to you. You made me question everything. I don't know who I hate more. Me or you."

I felt her entire body stiffen beneath me and I should have felt bad, I probably would when I had time to cool down, but right now this shit needed to be said. It had to come out before it chewed me up and spat me out.

Sliding between her ass cheeks, she let out a long moan, quaking against me. "Do you want this?" I asked again. "I won't take it back."

"If this is what it takes, then I'll do it," she said, her voice muffled by her position. "I'll do anything to show you how I feel. I need you to fuck me so you can see what you do to me. If it's a punishment, then I'll take it. Gladly."

My fingers curled tighter in her hair as I pressed her harder into the bench, wrestling with what my body wanted and what my head was telling me.

"Do it," she hissed, rubbing her ass against me.

Fumbling for my bag, I pulled out a condom and before I could even begin to think clearly, I slid inside her with a hard thrust, skin slapping against skin. A delicious moan came from under me, bringing back memories of that night back in LA. This felt just as intense, but it was sharpened with something else I didn't want to acknowledge. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. And it didn't mean a fucking thing.

Not stopping to let her become accustomed to the feel of me inside her, I pulled back and thrusted again and again, chasing nothing but my own release. I didn't care if she finished. I didn't care about pleasing her. She wanted this and I was taking it.

She went to move her hands beneath, to rub her clit, but I grabbed her wrists and pinned them behind her back, not even slowing. Each time we came together something was drawn out of me. Who the fuck knew, right? This was just dirty, disgusting revenge sex.

She began to tighten around me as her orgasm smashed into her, but I didn't care. I kept thrusting, wanting to come and come until my brain exploded. Pleasure, pain... revenge. I came hard, my mind foggy and overwhelmed. My hands fell onto the bench either side of her as my entire body quaked in the aftermath of my release. As I started to come back to myself, I pulled out sharply and an exhausted whimper escaped Jessie's lips.

It was raw, powerful, intense... seismic. And so fucking wrong on so many levels.

Dumping the condom in the bin, I stormed out into the room, scrambling to put some clothes on. Underwear, jeans, dragging a t-shirt over my head.

"Dee?"

She was fucking crying.

I yanked my boots on and bolted for the door, my fingers curling around the car keys.

"Don't run away," she pleaded.

I didn't look up as I slammed the door behind me and stormed out into the night.

Standing out in the middle of the dark lot, I drew in a shaky breath. Endless stars shone overhead, lights of passing semi-trailers flying down the highway in the distance. Fucking disgusted with myself was what I was. I'd never done something so vindictive in my entire life.

The door didn't open behind me and I was glad. I couldn't face her after that.

Unlocking the car, I slid into the passenger seat and fumbled for the lever to tilt it back. I'd left my jacket in here earlier and I tugged it over myself. There was no way in hell I was going back in there tonight or ever. Tomorrow, I'd drive her home and that would finally be the end of it.

But, even as I made the decision, I knew that it would never be over. She was ingrained into every sense I had like a stain you just couldn't get out. Even after she'd walked out on me, I was still in that place. The one where I'd fallen for Jessie Ware and I hated myself for it. But, that was my problem. I just dove in headfirst and damn the consequences. Now, I was paying for it.

And for the first time since this thing had started, I Iet myself cry.

Jerking awake, I realized someone had been knocking on the glass by my head. Rubbing the condensation away, I knew it was Jessie.

The steely grey morning light haloed around her tiny frame, her arms wrapped tight around herself. She looked tired, like she hadn't slept at all. That made two of us.

Unlocking the door, I climbed out and stretched. "We're going," I said, avoiding her eyes. "Get your stuff."

I went back into the room and collected my things and dumped it all in the back of the car, not waiting for her to say anything. When I came back from dropping the key into the motel reception, she was getting into the passenger side.

She was wearing her big sunglasses that covered her eyes, but her hair was messy and pulled back haphazardly and her body was angled away towards the window. I turned the key in the ignition, not looking forward to the next six or so hours I'd be alone with her after last night. The whole situation had imploded in the most dramatic fashion and now it was irreparable. I didn't want to acknowledge what I'd done, even though I could still feel her around me. My skin still reeked of dirty fucking revenge sex.

Grinding my teeth, I pulled out onto the highway, merging with the early morning traffic. We'd get to New York by dinnertime, then this whole mess would be done. Over. Kaput.

Couldn't fucking wait.

I sat in the car next to Dee, my eyes firmly locked on the passing countryside out my window.

The air was so thick it felt hard to breathe. I could still feel where he'd been. There was a dull ache between my legs and focusing on it made me squirm in my seat. I'd relished the feel of him inside me, but it was just a punishment to him. It wasn't that connection I wanted. Desperation had driven me to do something incredibly stupid yet again.

He'd said I'd destroyed him.

Nothing I could have done would have prepared me for those words. How can you fix the smashed heart of the man you loved? I'd been trying for days now and maybe that was the problem. I didn't have weeks or months to make it right. I had hours.

Hate. Destruction. He thought I'd used him. He lost who he was because of me. He thought he meant nothing to me. He was everything. My everything.

I felt a tear sliding down my cheek and I brushed it away angrily. I'd forever be doing the wrong thing, even though I thought it was right at the time. Maybe I was one of those people who were born whole. You know, the screwed up notion of soul mates? That you're born in half and spend your life searching for the piece that fits. Some people settle for an ill match in hope that it works, the lucky ones find their perfect fit and the left overs were already whole in the first place.

Maybe I was whole. That's what the universe was trying to tell me every time I tried to find my perfect half and hurting them was a sign that it wasn't meant for me.

I kept hurting Dee despite my best intentions and it broke my heart.

I wanted to love him so much, but it wasn't enough unless he loved me back. Even after everything, I couldn't imagine living life without Dee Cosgrove. Any future was bleak without him in it.

I was disgusted with myself.

I'd never done something so spiteful in my entire life and I wished I could take it back. I was the nice guy. I was a protector. I wasn't some kind of sadist. Jessie had humiliated me and smashed my heart to pieces, but what I did was worse. To top things off, I didn't have the guts to apologize. Looked like we didn't deserve one another.

When the New York skyline finally appeared in the distance it was a relief. Jessie punched her address into the GPS that I hadn’t bothered to turn on since I rented the car, so I didn't have to ask her for directions. When we inevitably sat in traffic, I thought about what I was going to do next. I planed to find somewhere to crash the night, return the car and get on the next flight outta Dodge. Where to? I wasn't a hundred percent sure. Maybe I should just book a flight back to Melbourne and be done with America.

When I finally pulled up in front of an old warehouse that had been converted into apartments in a small pocket of Brooklyn, I cut the engine and sat waiting. Should I say goodbye? Should I say anything? It was probably past the time for apologies.

But, Jessie didn't move. "Come up," she said. "I have a computer you can use to book a flight. At least let me do that for you."

So, she'd figured out my plan. Wasn't half obvious.

I left my stuff locked in the back out of sight and followed her inside and up the stairs. There was no lift, so we trudged up three flights to her apartment.

Despite myself, I wondered what her place was like. If she had a roommate or lived alone in a four by two shoebox. I'd thought about it before, back in LA, wondering what CDs she had, if she had any books, what photos she had on the wall. When she unlocked the door and walked in, dumping her bag just inside, the sound echoed into the darkness and I knew it was a cavern. It had that musty smell from being locked up for the past week, so I knew she lived alone. Reluctantly, I stepped inside, eyes on the floor. I'd come this far.

The sound of keys dropping into glass echoed around the dark apartment.

"I have a parking permit to put on the dash," she said. "To stop the car from getting towed."

I grunted, not able to formulate a response. I jumped when I felt her fingers circle around mine, prying the car keys out of my hand.

"I'll be back. The laptop is on the coffee table." Before she went, she flipped the screen open, bringing it to life. "All yours."

Her eyes didn't meet mine, but she shouldn't have bothered. I didn't really want to look at her either. The front door closed behind her and I was alone in her space. It smelt like her.

The apartment was a sizeable studio. A one-room cavern that used to be a warehouse but it was more like a studio palace. I knew enough about New York to know that it was expensive. And interns didn't get paid.

At one end there was a kitchen and the other was her bed. I tried not to look there, but it was impossible. One of those square bookshelves separated the living area from the sleeping and it was crammed full of books, records and CDs. Under the window was a beat up stereo covered in various band stickers, all of them punk. The rest of the apartment was furnished with stuff that looked like it was picked up from the side of the road. A brown leather couch that had seen better days sat in the middle, clothes were crammed on racks along the wall of the 'bedroom' and a worn Turkish rug covered most of the polished concrete floors.

Banks of windows took up one whole side and were covered with heavy grey blackout curtains and the wall above was made from exposed brickwork that had been sandblasted and rendered. It was very… hipster. I guess that was Brooklyn's MO.

I looked at the clunky laptop and the obviously second hand furniture and it didn't add up. She couldn't earn that much working at a cafe, surely. I didn't have any secrets, but Jessie obviously did. All this time she'd spent trying to crawl back, trying to mend things and she still wasn't truthful? I don't know why I was so worked up about it. Maybe she just liked the vintage thrift store look. Maybe she was a closet hipster. Who the hell cared.

I ran a finger along the books on the shelf, most of them were music related. A Rolling Stones bio, that Nikki Six book, big heavy hardbacks about The Clash and the Sex Pistols. A book about Seattle grunge. Then there was a bunch of classics like Jane Austin and Franz Kafka, then what looked like an unopened copy of Twilight. After our road trip to hell, I still didn't know who she was.

The front door opened and closed, but I didn't turn around from the bookcase. I didn't know what the hell it looked like, me going through her stuff, but at least I wasn't rifling through her underwear drawer. That would've been creepy.

I listened to her move across the apartment and sweep the curtains open all the way, letting in the harsh sunlight. "Have you found anything?"

I knew she was referring to the laptop. "Haven't looked yet."

I didn't want to turn around because I'd have to look at her.

To my annoyance, she stood right next to me and pulled out a CD, handing it to me. "That was the first one I brought. I was about fourteen, I guess."

I looked down at the CD and read the title. The Clash, Combat Rock. "Stop," I whispered.

"Stop what?" she asked, her voice thin.

"Stop trying to fix it."

Her breathing hitched and it was all I could do not to comfort her. This whole thing was fucked up. The only thing I could think of asking her right then was the one thing I didn't want to know.

"Why did you really leave me?"

She was silent for so long I didn't think she was going to answer. I was more than ready to walk out when she said, "I was afraid."

My fists clenched at my sides. "Afraid of what? That someone could treat you with respect? That someone could have feelings for you?"

"Look at me, Dee."

"I can't."

"Look at me."

I turned my back, running a hand over my face, blood boiling. God damn fucking Jessie. She made my blood boil like the fucking lava pits of Hades.

"Look at me."

I spun on my heel and glared at her with the full force of my anger, but when I saw the tears falling from her eyes, something snapped. I crossed the room in three strides and pushed her back into the wall and kissed her, devouring, obliterating. My hands were in her hair, sliding along her waist, underneath her top, cupping her ass, grinding her against me. And she kissed me back just as forcefully, her fingernails biting into my neck, her tongue against mine.

I tore myself away, taking a step back, my split lip stinging, and for ages the only sound that broke the silence was our labored breathing.

"I want you, Dee." Jessie was the first one to make a move. "All of you. Every part. I don't want you to leave."

I looked into her big brown eyes and wondered if I could ever let it go. That feeling of rejection.

"What do I have to do to make this right?" Her eyes were pleading with me to say something.

"What are you afraid of?"

Her eyes widened and she sunk back against the wall.

"Answer me, Jessie," I said. "That's the only thing stopping me from walking outta here and not looking back."

"You're with the band…" she whispered. "I don't mix with the bands."

"I don't believe you."

"Dee…"

"I could have got you fired or worse," I began.

"But you didn't…"

"Because it was real for me."

"And it wasn't for me?" she yelled, her eyes sparkling with tears again.

"You made that clear when you ran away."

"You terrify me, Dee." Her words cut through me like a knife. "This whole thing terrifies me. The feelings I have for you… Don't go. Please."

I stood there frozen to the spot, so fucking confused. I didn't want to leave, but I wanted to save myself from going through more shit. I wanted to stay and fuck her senseless and tell her that...

"I quit Galaxy. I quit to come find you."

My eyes snapped up to hers. "What?"

"I quit the label. Georgie wouldn't let me go, so I quit."

I shook my head.

"I quit my dream to find you. To win you back, don't you see?"

She was in love with me. The realization hit me so hard, I wasn't sure I knew how to breathe anymore. So, that's what this crazy thing was.

"Dee?"

Her voice snapped me out of it and I stepped into her again, covering her mouth with mine, teasing her lips with my tongue. She let out a whimper as my hands cupped her face, fingers tangling in her mousy blonde hair.

"I'm staying," I murmured between kisses and she sunk against me in relief, exhaustion, I don't know. All I knew was that I was letting the fire consume me once and for all.

"I just wanted you to see me," Jessie whispered against my lips.

Pulling back, I ran a thumb across her cheek, brushing away her tears. "I see you." A tired sigh escaped her lips. "I can be a stubborn bastard, but I see you."

"I'm sorry," she said, her hands pressing into my waist. "I'm sorry I left you."

"I know."

"It was a mistake."

"I forgive you," I said again. "I won't pretend it didn't hurt like hell, but I forgive you. I can’t fight it anymore."

Holding her like I'd wanted to ever since she knocked on that motel room door in Denver, I ran my fingers through her hair, savoring the feel of our bodes pressed together. The attraction between us was what I thought would destroy me, but it was what made us epic. It wasn't just her body and the things it could do to me that tipped the scales, it was her being. Her ability to overcome her fear and face it head on. The drive that she had towards her work. The way that she saw the little things and found beauty in them. I didn't know if she even realized how amazing she really was. How stupid was I to have fought it for so long?

"I'm sorry too," I said before I chickened out again. We'd both done shit things and she'd just taken it on the chin. An apology was the least I owed her.

"For what?"

"Last night."

She ran her hands under my shirt, her skin cool on mine. "It's okay."

"It's not. It was fucking disgusting. I shouldn't have done it."

"Forget about it." Her hands moved upwards until her thumbs grazed over my nipples.

"I can't," I whispered, brushing my lips against hers. "I want to do it again. Right this time."

Her eyes searched mine and I found myself committing every fleck of brown in hers to memory. Searing it in there forever. Her thumbs began to circle and I slid my hands from her face and pushed her jacket off her shoulders. It dropped to the floor with a dull thud, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Are you sure?" she asked, running her tongue over her bottom lip.

"I've been hard ever since you knocked on that motel room door."

Jessie hissed through her teeth and pressed into me, her tongue darting into my mouth, betraying that she'd felt the same way. I knew she had. Taking control, she pushed me back around the bookshelf towards her bed, until the backs of my shins hit the edge of the mattress. Before she could shove me down, I circled an arm around her waist and spun her around, her back flush with my chest.

"I love how you take control," she said as I pressed into her ass.

"You do this thing to me," I whispered, brushing her mousey blonde hair away from her neck.

"And what's that?" Her hands reached back, finding their way inside my jeans.

I trailed kisses along her shoulder, nipping and sucking my way up to that tender spot below her ear. "Fire."

Fingers dug into my skin.

"That's why it hurt so much."

Her body stiffened against mine, but I didn't stop.

"And that's why it feels so fucking good." I slid a hand down the front of her jeans, my fingers instantly finding her clit. She gasped, leaning back into my chest, reaching up and tugging at my hair. "What do you want?"

"I want your clothes off," she said, a wicked tone in her voice.

Pulling my hand from her jeans, I grabbed the edges of her top, dragging it over her head. Her hair spilled over her shoulders in a cloud of vanilla and jasmine perfume and I breathed her in deep. My own t-shirt followed, our skin feeling like fucking heaven pressed together. Fumbling with the zipper on her jeans, I tugged them down over her ass, dragging her underwear with them.

Kicking her feet free, she turned to face me, a hand behind her back. Her bra fell away and it was just her and she was fucking beautiful. A work of fucking art and just looking at her made me strain harder against the jeans I still wore.

Without a word, she reached for the button, tugging me forward. The ripple of the zipper as she dragged it down across my length was too much and a moan rumbled through my chest. Her lips quirked into a wicked smile as she slid her hands down the back of my jeans, ripping them away and I sprung free.

It was just me and her and I wanted to show her all of those things I didn't get to back in LA. I wanted to touch every inch of her, taste everything she had to give and she could take whatever the hell she wanted from me.

I'd tried so hard not to be tempted, to fall again, but there was nothing I could've done to stop it. Her and I? It was only a matter of time. And I was done trying to fight it. She loved me. She mightn’t be ready to say it out loud, but I knew it. I couldn’t walk away from that, not when I felt the same.

Picking her up, she wrapped her legs around my waist and I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, then her tongue as I let myself go. Collapsing back onto the bed, she was on top, grinding against my length, lips grazing against my jaw. I was getting harder and hotter at the thought of what was coming next. Jessie pulled away, sitting upright and my hands trailed up her stomach and cupped her breasts, rolling her nipples between my thumb and forefinger. She let out a gasp and pressed harder against me, sending a shudder through our bodies.

There was no way I was going to last like this, not if I wanted to come inside her. Before she could grind her clit into me again, I grasped her around the waist and flipped her on her back, settling in between her legs. I slid a finger between her folds, my palm circling against her clit and her hips rolled against me. Slipping a finger inside her, I didn't think I would ever get over how wet she was. I made her wet. The thought sent bolts of electricity straight through me.

"In the side drawer," she gasped as I stroked her again, sliding a second finger in the first.

"Not yet," I said, circling my fingers inside, my palm mirroring the movement. "I want to feel every part of you first."

"God, Dee," she moaned as I moved my fingers in and out, picking up speed.

Her fingers circled into my hair as I kissed her stomach, then the insides of her thighs and finally my tongue replaced my palm and fucking hell she tasted like heaven and she was mine.

My other hand circled around her leg, keeping her in place as she tried to writhe against me, hands pushing me further into her. I felt her muscles start to tense as her orgasm built and I had every intention of bringing it crashing down on her, then building it back up again with me inside her.

When she came, it was hard, her muscles spasming around my fingers, her thighs tightening. The way she said my name as her body succumbed was enough to drive a man mad, but it was probably too late for that. I was already bat shit crazy for her. Crawling back up her body, she drew my face to hers, tasting and kissing herself off me and it was the hottest thing I'd ever experienced. Her tongue soothing the cut on my lip, her taste, her smell. Before she could calm down too much, I reached into the side drawer and pulled out a condom, sliding it over my length and positioned myself at her swollen and wet opening.

I pressed into her slowly, stretching, filling, as she angled her hips up to meet mine. Legs wrapped around my waist and a gasp escaped her lips as I dragged my teeth against the soft curve of her neck.

"I'm never letting you go," she whispered, tightening her legs.

"Neither am I," I said through heavy breaths. "I'll never be done with you."

I poured everything I'd felt over the past week into her. Not the pain and rejection - that was obliterated by the overwhelming need I'd been fighting. The need to feel her skin against mine, to feel her around me, to feel her hands and tongue all over my body and my need to make her feel it, too.

There was this thing about her that made me uncontrollable. Every time I thrusted into her, I rubbed against her clit, her desperate cries muffled against my neck and in my mouth as I kissed her again and again. This was nowhere near last night's revenge fuck. It eclipsed everything else - even that night back in LA. I made love to her this time, and it was hard, fast and unbearable.

There would be time to savor her later, now I just needed to chase this thing inside me and sate it. The sensation of her moving up and down my length overwhelmed everything else and whatever we'd been arguing about for the last week didn't mean shit anymore. Her hands clawed into my back, teeth grazing my skin, legs wrapped round my waist. She was as hungry for me as I was for her and the mere thought fed the beast inside.

I wasn't ready for it to end, I wanted to loose myself inside her over and over, but I felt my orgasm building as she tightened, her fingernails clawing deeper into my back.

"I'm coming," she gasped, eyes meeting mine. "Don't stop. Please, don't stop."

"Never." I thrusted harder, bracing a hand against the wall over her head as her body began to climax underneath me. Grunting with each stroke, she tightened around me for the second time and I started to come, but I couldn't stop. I didn't slow the pace as we came together, long, unbearable and shattering.

When I felt the last of my strength leaving me, I thrusted one last time, burying deep, our eyes meeting. It was exactly like that first day in the recording studio. Our eyes met, then BAM. Instant connection. This time, it was more than that. I saw love in the way she gazed up at me, our orgasms slowly fading. It was the thing I'd been looking for and I felt like a fucking fool for trying to fight it.

I was so hers for fucking eternity.

Rolling half off her, I slid out, but still couldn't move. She twisted her head to the side, pressing her lips to mine, kissing me deep and slow. It was like we'd invaded each other’s souls and lodged ourselves there.

"I never knew it could feel like that," she whispered in my ear, her teeth tugging against the lobe.

"I think you broke me," I said, catching her mouth with mine again. Some fucking afterglow.

"I hope not," she said, shifting against me. "I want to do that again before the night is over."

With a moan, I cupped her breast, flexing against her, beginning to feel hard again. "Fucked to death," I whispered, pinching a hard nipple.

"What a way to die," she breathed, sliding her hands over my ass.

Sunlight streamed through the crack in the curtains right across my face. Stirring, I went to turn over and pull the covers over my head, but my legs were tangled and I couldn't move.

Dee shifted against me, the muscles in his arms flexing as he tightened his grip on my waist. Smiling, I traced the outlines of his tattoos. The rose over his wrist, the spider web behind it, the old-fashioned microphone. I'd wanted to lay this way with him for a long time, just us together. Happy.

Twisting around to face him, his eyes cracked open slightly and his lips quirked into a lopsided grin. I couldn't help but trace the line of his jaw, fingers rasping against stubble.

"Hey," he murmured, his voice husky from sleep. "You look thoroughly fucked."

My cheeks started to burn.

"You're cute when you blush."

"Shut up," I said, running a hand through his mussed up hair.

Without warning, he pressed forward and caught my mouth with his, plunging his tongue right in. I didn't know if there was an end to his passion, but I didn't want to know. I was going to take it all. He trailed a hand down my waist and pulled my leg around him, opening me up and I felt how hard he was against my stomach.

"Well, good morning," I smiled against his lips.

"Fuck, Jessie," he growled, rolling me on my back.

"If you want," I smiled up at him, biting my lower lip.

I gasped as his fingers ran over my opening. "You always this wet?" he asked, rubbing circles around my clit.

"Only for you," I whispered and his eyes darkened and the brooding, dominant man who I was falling in love with came to the surface. The way he took control and was unashamed and his desire was the biggest turn on. I'd never been so wet for so long in my entire life.

He pulled a condom off the side table and before I knew it he was sliding inside, filling me. As our pelvises came together, a moan escaped his lips, rumbling against the curve of my shoulder. He pulled out and pressed into me again and this time it was slow and purposeful. Tender and raw all at the same time. It wasn't like last night, when we'd came together over and over, hard and fast and unbearable. But, it was no less enjoyable.

"Dee," I muttered between thrusts. "Never stop."

"I don't think I can," he replied, sucking a nipple into his mouth.

The added pressure of his tongue against my sensitive breasts and the feeling of his length stroking against me was too much to handle and I began to tighten, another shattering orgasm ripping through me. It was enough to pull Dee with me and he grunted my name, his own release mirroring mine. Together, as it should be.

As the last shudders rippled through us, his eyes met mine, a thumb stroking my cheek. Tightening my legs around his waist he let his weight fall on me with a contented sigh.

"I can't wait to show you around New York," I said as we lay there, entwined with each other.

"I want to see everything."

"We've got time."

"I hope so. I'm still in you," he chuckled and pressed into my clit, sending another wave of desire into all the right places.

"You can be in me as much as you want."

"I like the sound of that," he said, lifting off me.

He went down to the bathroom and a moment later he came back, sliding into bed with me again. He let his hands wander, feeling every inch of my body.

"Do you have anything to do today?" he asked as his thumb grazed over my already hard nipples. I could've totally gone for round five right then.

"I have to go to Couch and see my boss," I said with a sigh. "I need to get some shifts lined up now I'm back."

"I'm never letting you go."

"Well, you have to let me go so I can go into work," I laughed, my heart swelling. "I've been away too long already and there's bills to be paid."

"I'll pay them for you."

"Dee, don't be stupid." There was no way I was taking his money.

"I have money," he said like it was nothing. "You have bills. When they combine, magic happens."

I didn't want to say anything to upset him, he obviously wanted to help, but it'd been a day since we'd begun to work stuff out. He was still in that glowy stage and so was I.

"I like working at the cafe," I said, truthfully. "I have friends there, so it's not so bad."

"If it makes you happy." He kissed the corner of my mouth. "What are they like?"

"Who? The guys at Couch?" I asked. When he nodded, I said, "They're great. Ed's the best boss. Total opposite of Georgie. I think you'll like him. Ana's pretty ballsy and a heap of fun to work with. She's the kind of person who makes a shitty shift go fast. Des is nice, too. He works the coffee machine like a boss."

I looked up when Dee didn't say anything and he was watching me with a strange smile on his face.

"What?" I asked. Too much?

"Nothing, it's just…"

"Just what?"

"I'm glad it's working out."

"Me, too."

We lay there a while, just looking at each other like lovesick teenagers, every now and then sneaking kisses from each other. This was everything I'd ever wanted. I felt like I'd found my missing piece and we fit together perfectly. I wasn't letting Dee out of my sight ever again. I knew I had to explain the reason why I'd run out on him like I did. I mean, I'd told him I was terrified of the feelings that were inside me and that was the honest truth, but I had to tell him the whole sordid story of my first year in New York. After all, it was the catalyst for all of the things that had torn us apart.

But, not now. Not while we were naked in bed together. I'd explain to him tonight over dinner.

"What's the story with you and Zoe?" I asked instead. Those two were an enigma. Any regular woman would be jealous of their relationship, but I had more than enough faith in Dee.

"Zoe and I have known each other a long time," he said. "The first day of high school we found each other. We were both outcasts who didn't belong anywhere. We were so similar it just worked, you know? Like yin and fucking yang. She's my best friend, my sister, and my band mate. She's my family. Through thick and thin. We've hardly gone a day without speaking to one another and I can't remember the last time we had a full blown argument."

When Zoe had come to see me at Couch, about a week ago now, I'd been terrified of her. The way she cared for Dee was like nothing I'd ever seen in a friendship before. At least, not one that I'd ever had. "Did you ever go out?"

He shook his head. "I've never had romantic feelings for her, it was never like that."

"Two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl," I murmured. I got it.

"You like Pink Floyd, too?" he asked, an eyebrow quirking.

"I like a lot of things, but I like you more.” I let my fingers brush against the cut over his eye.

"Keep going," he laughed, digging his fingers into my ass.

"Oh, I could go all day and night, Romeo, but I do have to get up and go into work."

"Your sense of professionalism is really annoying right now."

"Just because you're on holiday," I laughed, untangling myself from his grasp.

"I said I'd pay your bills."

"And I said, I can pay them myself." I leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

He went to grab me again, but I slid out of his reach and walked across the apartment into the bathroom. When I came back, showered with a towel wrapped around me, Dee still hadn't moved from the bed.

"Are you getting up anytime soon?" I asked.

"Like you said," he winked, "I'm on holidays."

With a groan I began to get dressed, conscious of his eyes on me as I slid into a pair of lacy panties and matching bra. He let out a groan when I pulled on a pair of black jeans and a shirt.

"Can I come meet your friends?" he asked as I put on a pair of boots.

"Sure."

"Awesome."

"Well, Couch is just around the corner and down two blocks, so if you want to meet me there, I'll be hanging out for a little while."

"Sure," he smiled as I pulled on my favorite black leather biker jacket.

"What?" I asked when he didn't stop smiling.

"You looking fucking sexy in that jacket."

Flipping my hair out from the back of it, I made a kissy face. "Good."

"I'll see you soon."

"I'll be waiting." Giving him another kiss, I scooped up my cell and pushed through the front door. Nothing could dampen my spirits today, not when I just left a hot naked Australian musician in my bed.

I stopped in the stairwell and turned on my cell. I'd shut it off the day that someone at Galaxy had tried to call me on a blocked number. I didn't want to deal with that when I was with Dee. I'd quit, so whatever crisis Georgie had, they could just deal with it themselves.

My cell sprung to life and instantly a barrage of messages lit up the screen.

When I read the first few, my heart sputtered and almost died, my skin instantly prickling.

I've missed you, J. Won't be long until we'll have all the time in the world together.

I've never forgotten that night. I dream about it every time I close my eyes.

I can't wait until you're mine again and I’ll finally get what I’ve always wanted.

Fumbling with my cell, I jammed it into my pocket, refusing to read anymore. I knew exactly what they'd say.

All those things I'd done in desperation were coming back to haunt me. I'd believed they'd finally gone away. I mean, it had been five years. Five years… today? Was it today? I began to break out in a cold sweat.

I couldn't call the cops. Everything would fall apart if I did and he fucking knew it. I rested a hand against the banister to stop myself from falling down the stairs. Throwing up seemed like a normal response in these kinds of situations, but I drew in a few sharp breaths to calm myself down. Should I delete the messages? Maybe I should keep them as evidence just in case something happened.

I looked back up the stairs to my apartment door and considered going back in and telling Dee. Nate wouldn't dare try anything, would he? He got off with a warning and a restraining order. His family had those big shot lawyers bury it and he still had his life with Ivy League Colleges and CEO jobs. What did he have to gain by harassing me?

The word revenge flashed through my mind and I dismissed it as soon as it appeared.

I took a deep breath and walked down the rest of the stairs to the tiny lobby. I couldn't be frightened of him. He had more to lose that I did. I'd been at rock bottom before and if it happened again, I knew I'd bounce back. This time I had Dee by my side. Dee would protect me. Nate had everything to lose.

When I walked into Couch five minutes later, Ed was at the counter and yelled out as the door closed behind me with a thud.

"So?" he asked, leaning over the bench top.

"So what?" I asked with a grin, the tension bleeding from my limbs.

"Did you get him, bella?"

Grinning, I winked.

"That's my girl," he beamed, grabbing my hands. "I never doubted it."

"You're a sick romantic," I laughed.

"Till the day I die. So, where is he?"

"Naked in my bed."

Ed stood to his full height and fanned himself. "Jessie, you can't say things like that to a gay man."

Laughing at his reaction, I walked around the counter and gave him a hug. "Thank you for everything."

"My pleasure. You work yourself ragged, the least I could do was give you a couple of days to chase after the love of your life. So romantic." He pulled back, his familiar brown eyes searching mine. "Do you love him?"

Biting my lower lip, I nodded. "I think so."

If I wasn't already in love with Dee, I was well and truly on my way.

The door closed behind Jessie and I fell back into her bed with a sigh. I was obliterated in a good way. The sheets smelled like her, my skin reeked of sex and vanilla perfume. I could stay here for the rest of my life and be completely happy.

Letting my thoughts wander I realized it had been a couple of days since I'd called Zoe. I knew she was probably dying for an update and since I'd turned off my phone again, I could imagine the messages that waited for me. Rolling over, I pulled it out of the pocket of my jeans and switched it on. As the screen came to life, so did the alert tone.

So?

Any progress?

Love you, Dee Dee. Call me ASAP.

Have you turned your phone off again or are you ignoring me deliberately?

You suck balls, Dylan.

Shaking my head with a chuckle, I dialed her number.

"Dylan Cosgrove," she shrieked when she picked up.

"Calm down, Hot Legs," I laughed.

"Do you realize this has been the longest we've gone without speaking in our entire lives?"

"Three days?"

"I thought you were dead." I could hear the amusement in her voice.

"Alive and kicking."

"So, I take it all is well?"

"I'm naked right now."

"Dee," she cried.

"Can't lie to you, Zo. I'm starkers."

"Gag me now," she groaned.

"What's that?" I heard Will in the background.

"Dee's naked and the picture ain't pretty," I heard her answer. Then to me, "Now you've made Will sick, mofo."

"Then my work here is done."

"Seriously, is everything okay? You sound okay."

"We worked it out," I said. "There's still some things we need to talk about, but things are better."

"Fucking A," Zoe declared. "I knew it. Where you at?"

"New York. I'm at Jessie's place."

"You staying a while?"

"For now," I replied. "I don't know what's going to happen next, but we'll work it out."

"Good for you, Dee Dee. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, Zo." I looked across the room towards the front door and I already missed Jessie. "Look, Zo, I gotta go."

"Hot date?" she asked suggestively.

"Yeah. She's gone into the cafe to see her boss. I said I'd meet her there."

"Then what the fuck are you talking to me for? Go. And put some clothes on for fuck's sake."

"Love you, Zo," I laughed.

"Love you more, doofus."

Hanging up, I sunk back against the wall and sighed. God, Zoe pissed me off sometimes, but the day she decided to meddle in my shit, was the day I loved her more.

Having a quick shower, I pulled my clothes back on from the day before, making a mental note to go down and get my bag from the car. As I went to walk out to go down to the cafe, I noticed her mail piled on the table by the front door. Scooping up the bills, I debated whether or not I should just go pay the bloody things. When I said I didn't care about the money, I really didn't care. As long as I could pay my own bills and feed myself, then I didn't need the rest. I'd paid my parents bills when they weren't looking, I'd do the same with Jessie's. What was the point of being well off if you couldn't use it to help the people you cared about? None in my book.

I read the back of the electricity bill and saw that I could pay with a credit card at a post office, so I got on her laptop and looked up the closest one. A block back the other way. I'd go there first. Feeling rather pleased with myself, I jammed the bills into my back pocket and locked the front door behind me, thumping down the stairs and out onto the street.

Looking at the rental car, I decided to sort that out tomorrow. It was still in one piece, the parking permit sitting on the dash. It had only been an hour and I was aching to see Jessie. That thing I'd felt back in LA was back with a vengeance, sinking its claws into my heart and I was happy to let it. All that time I'd spent fighting it and hurting, was useless. Some things you're just powerless to stop. Falling in love with Jessie Ware was inevitable.

Following her directions, it wasn't long before I was pushing through the front door of Couch, the cafe where she worked. I had no idea what the place looked like, because the moment I walked in, my eyes found hers and never left.

"Dee," she called, her voice hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Pulling her into my arms, I pressed my lips to hers. "Missed you."

"Already?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.

"The moment you left."

"You never said he was a soppy romantic, J," a male voice said.

Looking up, I realized we had an audience. By the look of him, I figured this was her boss, Ed. Thick rimmed glasses, shaved head, impeccably dressed.

"I'm the boss," he said. "Ed."

"Hey mate, Dee," I replied.

"Oh, J and his accent is delicious."

Running a hand through my hair, I laughed.

"I forgot to tell you he's a massive flirt," Jessie winked up at me.

She introduced me around to the other staff members, all of them seemed friendly and genuinely interested.

"I'm sticking around for a few hours, if that's cool," Jessie said, turning to face me. "They're a bit short today, so I said I'd help."

"That's okay," I replied. Maybe it was a good thing to spend a little time apart this arvo. Otherwise I'd just take her back to her place and… well, you know.

Smiling, she slid her hands over my hips and into the back pockets of my jeans. Her hands instantly came into contact with the letters I'd shoved in there and I shrugged. Pulling them out, she glared at me when she saw they were her bills. "I told you not to," she scolded, looking at the receipt stapled to the front.

"Never tell me what I can't do, because I'll just go out and do it." My lip quirked when she slapped me in the chest.

"Where can I get one?" her boss called out over the counter, making everyone laugh.

Cupping her cheek, I leaned in for a kiss, sucking her bottom lip into my mouth. I wasn't usually one for public displays of affection, but Jessie had this thing about her that I couldn't keep my hands off.

Letting out a contented sigh, she placed a hand on my chest and pushed me back. "You're way too tempting," she whispered so only I could hear.

Grinning, I asked, "What time you off?"

"Four."

"Four hours to kill? Without you?" I exclaimed.

"I'm sure you'll live."

"Jessie."

"I never said it'd be easy." She smiled up at me and it was just so easy between us, the awkwardness of the last week beginning to dissolve into nothing but a painful memory.

"I'm sure I'll find something to entertain myself with," I said. "I'll be back at four."

"It's a date."

Extracting myself from her arms, I walked back out onto the street and waved at her through the front windows. Fuck, I already had trouble leaving her. I had to just walk out like that, like I was ripping of a band aid, or else I would sit in there all arvo watching her work. I didn't want to be the stalker boyfriend. Boyfriend. The notion kind of hit me all of a sudden. She was mine and I was hers.

Walking down the footpath, I looked in shop fronts, browsed through a couple of second hand places, stopped for coffee. I just walked, checking out the neighborhood Jessie called home. It was rather hipster with it's vintage boutiques, coffee houses and record stores, but it was my kinda place.

When I came across a tattoo parlor, I stopped, looking at my watch. I still had like two and a half hours or so until I had to be back to pick up Jessie. Peering in the window, I debated the idea of getting tattooed. I had the time and it had been ages since I'd gotten something new.

Walking inside, I stopped by the counter, the sound of tattoo needles and some punk band blaring on the stereo assaulting my ears. Flipping through a portfolio on the counter, a heavily tattooed guy came up and said hey.

"Looking to get a tattoo, mate, if you have time today."

"Sure, what are you thinking of getting?"

"Some script across my abdomen," I replied, thinking up something on the fly.

"What do you want it to say?"

I hadn't thought about it, but the words just appeared in my mind at the last second and it was bloody poetic and one hundred percent appropriate. "Fire walker." Totally described that thing Jessie and me went through down to a T. I felt like I'd walked over a pit of burning hot coals to get to this point. The point where I could begin to work out shit and just be with her.

"Sweet," the tattooist said. "What kind of script? Just traditional? Or something different?"

"Traditional. How long do you think that'll take?"

"Something like that'll take about two hours max. If you wanna do it now, I can," the guy said. "I had a cancellation, so I'm wide open."

It seemed like fate, so I agreed.

"Gimme about fifteen to draw it up."

"Sure."

It wasn't long before the tattooist was shaving off my snail trail and the stencil was on my stomach. I was going to tattoo the last two weeks on my gut for eternity. Do or die. I was totally going to do.

"Lie on your back for me, man, and we'll get cracking."

Settling down, I readied myself for the familiar burn of the tattoo needle. I'd heard getting tattooed on your guts was pretty painful. Bloody symbolism.

"What do you do?" the tattooist asked as he set up his machine, the buzz of the needle ringing in my ears.

"I'm a musician."

"Oh yeah?" The guy's eyes lit up. "Are you in a band?"

"Yeah."

"What you called?"

"The Devil's Tattoo."

"Sweet name," he grinned down at me. "Okay, ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

As he made the first line, I couldn't help grimacing. Yeah, this shit hurt a billion times worse than my elbow had.

"Okay?"

"Fucking hell, mate," I grimaced. "That shit stings, hey?"

"Stomach is a sore one," he laughed. "What's it about? Why fire walker?"

Suddenly, I felt like I was on LA Ink or one of those tattoo story shows.

When I didn't reply straight off the bat, he said, "Is it about a girl?"

Between lines, I got out, "Something like that."

"Sounds like she put you through hell, man."

"Lava pits of it."

"She must be something else, if you're getting a reminder tattooed on you."

"Out of the fucking galaxy."

"You're Australian, right? So, does she live here, or…"

"She lives here."

"And you?"

"I live in Australia."

"How's that work? You guys do the distance thing?"

"No," I grimaced as he tattooed a particularly long line. "We've only just got together."

"Would you move here?"

"I dunno," I replied. Last thing I excepted was a deep and meaningful with a tattoo artist. This shit was painful enough. "I mean, I can't relocate here. The band is based in Australia."

"What does she want?"

As the needle came down again, I tensed. When he lifted and wiped the section he'd just done, I said, "We haven't talked about it."

"Maybe she wants to go to Australia with you."

Truthfully, the thought had never crossed my mind. Back in LA, I would have said there was no way it would work out, but now she'd quit Galaxy. She still had her job at the cafe and her apartment, but I didn't think I had it in me to ask her to leave it all behind. Typical Dee fashion was to think about all the things I could sacrifice for her. It hadn't occurred to me that she would want to sacrifice things for me. She'd said she'd wanted to visit Australia, maybe she would want to move there some day.

I was getting way ahead of myself. I still had two and a bit months left on my visa. I'd stay with her until I had to go home. Besides, we still had a lot of things to talk through. Chickens before eggs and all that.

When that tattoo was finally done, paid for and wrapped up, I thanked the guy and walked back outside onto the street. It was almost time to go pick up Jessie and she was probably gunna flip when she'd seen what I'd filled my afternoon with. My stomach was sore like nothing else, but that wouldn't stop me from peeling off her clothes and making her come all night again. The adrenalin overload and the though of her naked body made me begin to harden and I strode down the footpath, on a beeline back to the cafe.

I'd take her to the supermarket, make her a bloody brilliant meal, we'd talk and bury ourselves in each other. Then we'd do it all again tomorrow. And the day after and the day after that. Rinse, repeat until we died.

Four hours wasn't a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but it felt like forever. I was kept busy with customers, chatting with some of the regulars who asked where I'd been and if I'd enjoyed my time in LA. Thinking back over it, it seemed like years had passed since I arrived there with Georgie. Poor Georgie, who was probably humiliating my replacement right now.

It felt strange not having to go into the office or have my cell ring every five seconds with another ludicrous order from Queen Bee herself, and I did feel a little sad at the fact that I wasn't in a position at Galaxy anymore, but I would give it all up again in a heartbeat. Dee was worth it ten times over. Happiness never came easy.

"He's a dreamboat," Ana winked at me as she brushed past with a customer's order.

Smiling, I called out, "Hands off."

"How'd it go down with Galaxy?" she asked on her way back. Ana and I had this thing where she listened to my bitching about Georgie and Galaxy and I listened to her bitching about her auditions. She was trying to get a permanent gig in a Broadway show and was always telling the most outrageous stories about the crazies that turned up to every open call that was advertised in the Voice. She had a head of bright red hair and a overpowering personality, but that girl knew how to listen.

When Zoe had come to see me last week, I'd practically ran off to plead with Georgie to give me the time off. I never made it back to the cafe to fill the guys in.

"No dice," I shrugged.

"What, they fired you?"

"No, I quit."

"Jessie," she shrieked. "Why are you only telling me this now?"

"I'm too smitten to care," I laughed.

"Don't tell me I'm going to have to put up with your lovey dovey bull for months."

"Consider this your warning."

"Oh, man," she feigned annoyance.

"Any auditions while I was gone?"

"No," she rolled her eyes. "Not even a commercial. There's absolutely nothing worthwhile on at all."

"There'll be something."

"Yeah, when I go break the legs of the lead in Wicked," she gave me a wink and disappeared out the back.

With a smile, I turned back to clear off one of my tables that had just been vacated. Scanning the cafe as I collected the empties, I was relieved to be home after the a roller coaster that had been the last couple of days. This place had become like a second home. I'd been welcomed like a friend the moment I started my first shift four years ago and had never felt out of place. Everyone here had their quirk. Ana with her Broadway ambitions, Ed with his penchant for crisp linen, Des with his thing for making abstract images in the foam of lattes and me with my crazy workaholic lifestyle. We all kind of belonged together.

"You need a hand, Jessie?" Ed asked as I balanced my way behind the counter.

"No, I'm okay." Dumping the glasses in the skink, I dunked my hands in and began cleaning them.

"He seems like a really nice guy."

"Who, Dee?"

"Yeah."

I gave my boss a bright smile. "Thanks."

"So, you quit Galaxy?"

"You heard that?" I asked.

"You can't not hear Ana, bella," Ed winked, leaning against the counter. "What are you going to do with all your free time?"

"I'm not sure yet," I said truthfully. "My ambitions haven't changed. I'd still like to do something with music."

"Well, you know you have a job here for as long as you want it."

"Thanks, Ed. I really appreciate that."

"If you want to pick up more shifts let me know and I'll see what I can do."

"Really?" I beamed. "Thank you."

"No problem." He looked around the cafe and then leaned in close. "What about your man?"

"Dee?"

"Where does he live?"

Frowning, I paused, my hands still in the sink. "Australia… His band..."

"You going with him?"

The glass slipped from my fingers and clinked against the others at the bottom of the sink. I hadn't thought about it that way. Dee's life was in Australia. He couldn't leave the band. I would never ask him to do that, knowing how much it meant to him, but to go with him? Leave New York and move to Australia? The idea seemed scary and thrilling all at the same time.

"I don't know," I replied. "It's still early days yet. He's still got two months or so on his work visa. I assume he's going to stay until then and we'd work it out."

Ed watched me with a strange look in his eye, like he knew something I didn't.

"What?" I asked, flicking him with soap bubbles.

"You're so fucking in love," he said, holding his hands over his heart.

"Duh," I rolled my eyes.

Laughing, Ed stood to his full height as some customers came in the door. "It's almost four, bella. Go get some."

Finishing off the last of the glasses in the sink, I went out back to get my jacket. When I pushed back out the door into the cafe, my eyes fixed on a familiar face. I stopped dead in my tracks, heart thumping and it took me a minute to realize it was a stranger. Being here distracted me, but deep down in that place I pushed things I didn't want to deal with was that familiar feeling. Fear.

Seeing those messages earlier had shaken me. Nate had violated the restraining order, but it could be that it was already expired. If he kept sending them... my hands were tied. I knew I couldn't do anything about it. If I pursued police action then everything I'd ever worked for would be taken from me and I'd be on the street again. What was I meant to do?

I'd be okay at Couch with the guys, I felt safe here. Dee would already be out front if he wasn't already in here somewhere. I wouldn't be alone and it'd be less likely that something would happen if I was always with someone.

I'd never keep anything from Dee again and I’d tell him the whole story. Tonight at dinner I'd bare my soul like I'd bared everything else. I was in love with Dee Cosgrove and he had my soul if he wanted it. Forever.

Opening the door, I stepped out onto the sidewalk and my head lifted when I heard a sharp whistle. Dee stood across the street, hands jammed into the pockets of his denim jacket. He was wearing those aviator sunglasses that made him look so delicious, a stupid grin on his face and it was a wonder I could function properly. It was such a cliché saying that I felt weak at the knees, but that was exactly what he did to me.

Smiling, I stepped off the sidewalk and looked for oncoming traffic. I wanted to launch myself into his arms and kiss him until I couldn't breathe. He was mine and I was his.

And the best part? We had our whole lives ahead of us.

I'd walked further than I thought. When I got back to the cafe, it was right on four. Standing across the street, I let out a sharp whistle as Jessie stepped out of the front door. Her eyes meet mine and her answering smile was electric. Everything that we'd been through, the entire screwed up mess, maybe we had to do it to find each other like some kind of test. Like the universe was fucking with us for a reason. It was going to take time, but we finally had it. I'd stay as long as my visa and band schedule would let me and then we'd work out the rest.

She stepped off the footpath, her hair blowing in the breeze, beautiful and glowing. I'd never laid eyes on anyone like her and she was mine and she wanted me. The deadbeat busker turned rock star. It hardly seemed real.

The rest kind of happened in slow motion.

The sound of tires squealing split the air and we both looked towards it at the same time. A dark colored car had pulled out of a space further down the street and was racing towards her. Like it was deliberate. Like they wanted to...

Her eyes met mine and they were filled with horror. I went to run forward, but it was already too late.

The car clipped her as she tried to scramble backwards, legs crumbling. Horrified screams erupted around me from the people on the footpath, but she was silent. She didn't scream as her head cracked against the windshield. She didn't scream as she fell back onto the road. She didn't anything.

The car kept going and people scrambled, but mostly they were frozen to the spot. Not me. Running across the street, I could only see Jessie lying on the asphalt, not moving. She wasn't moving. Tires screeched again and I stopped, thumping the hood of a car that had almost collected me and kept going. Falling to my knees beside her all I could see was blood. I was too terrified to move her incase her spine was broken, but I cupped her face, looking into her eyes.

"Jessie," I said, trying to hold back tears, the reality of what had just happened starting to sink in. "Jessie, can you hear me? Stay with me, okay?"

For a moment, she seemed to look at me, then her eyes unfocused and her head fell limply to the side. My heart almost stopped as I trailed trembling fingers across her cheek.

"Someone call a fucking ambulance," I roared at the throng of people who'd stopped to gawk. Why were they just standing there? Why wasn't anyone doing anything?

"On it's way, Dee." I hardly recognized Ed as he knelt beside me, a phone in his hands. "They'll be here any minute."

"She didn't… There was no time for her to get outta the way."

He knelt beside me, a hand on my shoulder. "It was an accident." He pressed his index and middle finger against her neck, looking for a pulse. Looking at me, he nodded. "Faint, but there."

I didn't know how a few minutes could last a lifetime, but when sirens sounded in the distance, it had felt like eons had passed. Every second that went by as Jessie lay on the road, the further she slipped away from me. It couldn't end like this. It couldn't. I loved her, she had to come back.

"Sir, I'm gunna have to ask you to step back now."

Looking up, I realized a paramedic stood over me, a bag in his hand. Ed helped me up and pulled me away as my eyes fell back onto Jessie.

"Please…"

"We're gunna do everything we can."

I was numb as I watched the paramedics work on her, the flashing lights bathing the afternoon light with a strange glow. When Zoe had been in hospital, I didn't see this part. I didn't understand how horrible it was. There was so much blood. Shock. This was what it was like, wasn't it? My blood felt icy cold as it ran through my veins and everything was so far away, it was like another reality.

Please be a fucking dream. Wake up.

"Dee?"

Shaking my head, I reluctantly tore my eyes away from Jessie and found myself looking at a cop.

"Sir?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

"No."

"Do you need the EMT's to look at you?"

"No," I scowled at him. I just wanted her.

"Maybe you should give him a minute," I heard Ed say as he led the cop off and started giving him his statement.

The paramedics had lifted Jessie onto a gurney, her back and head braced to protect her spine. She was still unconscious and I didn't think that was a good thing.

"Where are you taking her?" I asked, my eyes desperately trying to catch a glimpse of her as they loaded the gurney into the back of the ambulance.

"NY Presbyterian," the ambo said. He glanced at his partner and he nodded. "Get in."

I jumped up into the back before they could change their minds and sat as the door slammed.

"Sit at the end," the guy said, positioning himself beside Jessie as I slid down the end towards the rear door.

The other paramedic cranked the sirens and I was hardly aware that we were moving at full tilt towards the hospital. I just had eyes for her.

"It doesn't look like she was hit hard," the paramedic said beside me. "But the gash on her forehead is pretty deep. That'll need to be stitched. Her stomach feels taught, which means that she has some internal bleeding."

I didn't know what the guy was doing telling me all this stuff. Maybe he was trying to put my mind at ease, but it just made me feel sick. "What does that mean?"

"She'll be taken into surgery as soon as we get to the hospital. We've done our part, we've just got to get her there." I vaguely heard him switch on the radio and call it in to the hospital. ETA four minutes. Man, these guys were fast. I was suddenly very fucking grateful.

"When we get there, you've gotta step back, okay?" he said again and I nodded. "We're not meant to transport anyone but the patient, so…"

"Okay."

When the ambulance screeched to a halt, waiting doctors wrenched the back doors open and I jumped down onto the concrete, stepping back out of the way. As the gurney was unloaded, the doctors and paramedics talked to each other in clipped tones, rattling off some medical mumbo jumbo. I followed them inside as they wheeled her in, talking about emergency surgery, OR whatever, prepping for something or rather. I didn't have time to comprehend what was going on.

"Sir," a male doctor stopped me with a hand on my chest. "I'm sorry, but you can't come any further."

"But…" He'd stopped me at a pair of doors that looked a lot like the point of no return.

"I'll come and give you an update as soon as I can, but we need to look after your friend now."

"She's my girlfriend."

The doctor's face softened slightly. He probably got this all the time. "I'll come let you know as soon as I can."

Nodding, I gave him my name and watched as the doors swung closed, separating me from Jessie.

I told her I'd never leave her, that I'd never let her go. I knew it was their job, the doctors taking her away. I knew they were trying to save her life, but in a way I'd broken my promise.

I just stood there in the middle of the hall off of the room, staring at the doors. What was I meant to do? She couldn't die. She just couldn't.

Collapsing into a chair, my stomach stung from the tattoo I'd gotten an hour or so before, the plastic it'd been wrapped up in crinkling. Numb. I just felt numb.

Seriously, what are you meant to feel when you see your girlfriend roll across the bonnet of a car? What are you meant to feel when you hold her broken body in your hands? What are you meant to feel when you see her being rolled away on a gurney, not knowing if you're ever gunna see her again? I'd really like to know.

My whole body shook and my skin began to prickle with sweat. Knowing I was gunna blow, I ran for the bathroom, just making it in time to heave my guts up in the toilet bowl. What if she fucking died?

Trembling, I leaned over the basin, washed out my mouth and splashed water on my face to cool myself down. Looking at my hands, I didn't realize my skin was spotted with her blood and my guts squirmed again. Turning the tap back on, I scrubbed them clean, sucking in deep breaths.

I was on my own again. Instantly, I thought about Zoe and I fumbled for my phone, almost dropping it I was shaking so badly. Zoe would help me. I pressed her name and waited to hear her voice.

"Hey," she said brightly when she picked up.

"Where are you?" I blurted.

"We're in Jacksonville," she said. "Florida. Since we had an impromptu stop in New York, were doing our trip backwards."

"Zoe, do you think… could you…" I was beginning to crack.

"Dee?" came her concerned voice. "What's happened?"

"There was an accident," I muttered, trying to hold back tears, my tough guy persona totally gone out the window.

"Fucking hell. Are you okay? Jessie?"

"She was hit by a car. I went to get her from work and she was hit by a car." It wasn't any use holding it in now and a sob escaped my throat.

"Where are you?"

"In the hospital. She's in surgery. I don't know what's going to happen."

"We're on the next flight, Dee. Tell me where you're at."

"New York Presbyterian. Lower Manhattan."

"I'll call you when we land, okay?"

"Okay."

The call disconnected and I let my hand fall limply to my side. I'd never needed my best friend more than I did now. I could handle it with Zoe by my side to help. Closing my eyes, all I could see was Jessie's broken body on the asphalt. Blood, the way her eyes had unfocused… I thought she was dead. Gone. Tears began to slide down my face and I brushed them away.

I would have done anything to keep her safe, to help her through this, but it was out of my hands now. I had to trust the doctors. I'd done all I could.

I think I sat in the waiting room for hours before someone actually came to see me. You see this all the time in movies and television shows, but it's never the same. There's never a cut scene. I remembered when Zoe was in getting her arm fixed, sitting in the Royal Melbourne Hospital, waiting to see her when she got out. That was just shoving a pin in an arm, no less risky, but this time it was a little more life and death. The clock ticked ten times slower, every second grating against my heart, every fear and doubt running through my mind. I still had her blood on my jeans.

"Mr. Cosgrove?"

I looked up into the face of the doctor who I'd spoken to before. I was kinda surprised it was him and not a nurse or an intern like I'd been expecting.

Stumbling to my feet, I blurted, "Is she okay?"

"She's through the worst of it," he said with a kind smile. He probably knew how to deal with emotional wrecks like me. "The surgeons are finishing up, but it will still be some time before she's moved to a ward so you can see her."

The tension started to bleed from my limbs and my knees felt like jelly. "Okay. I'll wait."

"There's still some chance of complications. We'll monitor her closely, but at the moment things are looking optimistic."

"Okay." I didn't know what else to say.

"Someone will come see you when she's moved."

"Thanks."

As the doctor disappeared again, I sunk back down into the hard waiting room chair and wondered how long Zoe was going to be. I had no idea how far it took to fly from Jacksonville, but I hoped it was fast. Ed said he was coming, but he couldn't leave the cafe. I assumed he was talking to the police or something or they were scanning the place for evidence. I didn't know how long I could hold on by myself.

I looked at my phone, knowing it was probably bad I had it turned on inside a hospital, but the screen was clear. I typed in a text to Zoe and slid down in the seat, closing my eyes.

"Dee?"

My head snapped up at the sound of Zoe's voice. When our eyes met, she launched herself across the room and into my arms.

"Fucking hell, are you okay? Jessie?" she asked as I buried my face into the crook of her neck. She was finally here.

"She's gunna be okay," I murmured, breathing in her familiar scent of jasmine and leather from her jacket. "She's still asleep."

"Thank god."

A hand came down on my shoulder. "So fucking glad, mate." Will. Of course.

"Thanks for coming," I said, pulling away.

"You and I are a package deal," Zoe said, squeezing my hand. "Your shit is my shit."

"That goes for me, too," Will grinned. "Do you want anything? Something to eat?"

He seemed to know that I wanted some alone time with Zoe. I fucking loved that guy right now. He was a good egg. Nodding, I said, "Yeah, sounds good. I haven't eaten since yesterday."

"Can't have you wasting away," he replied. "Be back soon. You good, Zo?"

"I'm okay," she said, waving him off.

Watching as he disappeared around the corner, I said, "He's too good for you, Zo."

"Shut your face," she said, slapping me on the arm. "This is about you."

Grimacing, I wrapped my arms around her waist and her head fell against my shoulder. I needed the familiarity right now. Sitting in the hospital, it brought back memories of when Zoe had been the one in surgery. This time, even though I wasn't the one who'd been hurt, our roles were reversed.

Wincing as she shifted against me, she pulled back and gave me a look. "You hurt?"

"No, nothing like that," I said and pulled my shirt up. "Tattoo."

"Fire walker," she read, her fingers tracing the inflamed skin. Her eyebrow quirked as if she was asking me a question.

"Do you really have to ask?" I sighed, my eyes beginning to fill with tears again.

"No." Her hand found mine and squeezed. "But you do look like someone beat the crap outta you."

My fingers brushed the cut above my eye. "The other guys were much worse."

"Other guys?"

"You don't want to know," I grimaced remembering the fight.

Zoe's fingers pressed against my lip. It didn't hurt anymore, not like the hole in my heart.

"I love her, Zo," I said, wiping my eyes.

"I know. I've known since back in LA."

"And you didn't think to let me in on it?"

Her hand rubbed circles on my back. "Why do you think I came here to find her?"

"It's strange we know what's best for each other and never for ourselves."

She smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We sat in silence, waiting for news that Jessie was okay and awake, as people milled around us. There was a TV in the far corner playing CNN on mute, magazines littered on a table in the corner. Distractions for those that waited for word, good or bad.

"Dylan Cosgrove?"

We looked up at the sound of my name. At least it sounded like it through a broad Brooklyn accent. A man in a sharp suit stood at the opposite end of the waiting room and I gathered he was a cop of some sort. Extracting myself from Zoe's grasp, I walked over dreading what he was going to say. I hope they found the fucker and didn't just want my statement.

"Detective Hughes," the man said, flashing his badge and shaking my hand. Since when did detectives devote themselves to hit and runs? "The doctors tell me that you're Miss Ware's boyfriend?"

"Yes, that's right."

"How long have you been in a relationship?"

"We met in LA, about two weeks ago now. She came to meet me in Denver about five days ago." Two weeks? It seemed like eons ago.

"Were you aware of her history with one, Nathanial Barnes?"

"Who?" My brow furrowed in concern. Did Jessie know who did this to her? My heart began to thud painfully against the walls of my chest. "I don't know anyone by that name."

The detective nodded, glancing over my shoulder to where Zoe was sitting. "There had been signs that the perpetrator had been watching Miss Ware for some time. It's entirely possible she didn't know herself."

"What do you mean?" I asked, the blood draining from my face.

"A cab driver reported the accident with the license plate details of the car that struck your girlfriend, which led us to substantial evidence to support a stalking allegation. Phone records, security camera footage from her workplaces. So, if you know anything, we'd appreciate your cooperation."

"I don't know anything," I said, trying to figure it out. "She never mentioned anything to me." There had been nothing to indicate any of this had been going on. How would I know anyway? I'd been here barely two days.

"That's fine, just think about it and let me know if you remember anything."

"Have you arrested him?" I asked thinly, imagining what I'd do to the guy when I got my hands on him. That motherfucker had been stalking her.

"He's in custody. Until we can speak with Miss Ware, he will remain so. He violated the restraining order that was out against him by Miss Ware, so he's ineligible for bail."

Restraining order? Shaking my head, I said, “Good." I hoped she pressed charges. Every single one she could.

The detective handed me a card. "If you need anything, give me a call. I'll be back to see Miss Ware once she's ready to see us." My fingers circled around the piece of paper. "The sooner the better," he stressed before walking away down the hall.

Jessie was being stalked. Her stalker had tried to kill her. Things weren't making sense. Thinking back over the things she'd told me, I couldn't work it out. There had been offhanded comments about her less than perfect past, but nothing to suggest that she was being harassed. The more I thought about it, the more her life didn't quite add up. Her apartment, the fact that she could work as much as she had at Galaxy for nothing. The way she'd left me back in LA made me think that it had something to do with this Nathanial guy. Zoe had said she was scared.

Before I totally flew off the deep end, I had to let her explain. After all the shit we'd been through, I owed her that. There had to be a rational explanation for this. Some psycho had tried to kill her for fucks sake.

"Did I just hear what I thought I did?" Zoe asked, her eyes wide as I slumped into the seat next to her.

I nodded, unable to formulate a coherent answer.

"Shit," she hissed.

"Big fucking piles of it," I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

"I had a feeling she was running from something, but not this."

"I think I get it now," I said. "Why she left back in LA."

"Do you think it had something to do with this guy?"

"She has a restraining order out against him. I don't know what he did to her, but it must've been bad."

Zoe curled up into my side again and I pulled her arm around my stomach, not caring that the tattoo still hurt like hell.

"Mr. Cosgrove?"

I looked up again to see the doctor from before and stood, my heart leaping to my throat. He walked towards us purposefully and I was dying to read the expression on his face so I'd have some inking of what he was going to say.

"Your girlfriend is in recovery now. She's still asleep, but you're welcome to go see her. She will be disoriented after her accident, so it's best if she wakes to a familiar face."

"She's going to be okay?"

"We were able to stop the bleeding in her abdomen, but it will be a while before we know if there will be any repercussions from her injuries. We need to keep her for observation for a few days."

"What do you mean, repercussions?"

"Internal bleeding can cause stress on the surrounding tissue and organs," the doctor explained. "We need to run some tests and monitor her vitals. She had a nasty blow to the head and also has some possible fractures on her ribs and arm. We've placed a temporary cast on her forearm, but once she's recovered enough from her surgery we will need to take her to x-ray to determine the full extent of the breaks."

"Okay."

"She didn't have any emergency contact in her records," he frowned. "Do you know a way we can contact her family?"

"I-um... I don't think she's on good terms with them. They live in Canada, I think. I guess I'm it."

"Okay. We like to have family on record in case we need things like blood transfusions. It's better coming from a relative who's a match than a donor."

"Okay."

The doctor pointed towards the doors he'd walked through. "This way."

I looked back at Zoe and she waved me away. "Go," she said. "She needs you."

Giving her a thin smile, I followed the doctor through the double door and down the hall to the area I assumed was intensive care. Through open doors there were beds with patients hooked up to multiple machines, the strange hospital disinfectant smell hanging in the air.

I was led into a room towards the end of the hall and my eyes instantly settled on Jessie and I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. I mean, how are you meant to feel every emotion in the world at the same time and not be overwhelmed?

She looked small and fragile, her skin hollow and pale. An IV was stuck in her arm, dripping clear liquid through a tube and a machine was hooked up to one of those clips that sat over her finger to monitor her heart rate. Her left forearm was sealed up in a white plaster cast, large and bulky compared to her slender frame. The cut on her forehead was stitched back into her hairline and I knew underneath the hospital gown, her skin was covered in cuts and bruises. The room was silent, putting me on edge.

"Press the call button if you need anything or have any questions," the doctor said kindly. "She looks rough, but she's through the worst of it."

"Thanks," I mumbled, grateful for the guy's kindness.

Once he'd left, I pulled a chair over to Jessie's bedside and trailed a finger along the back of her hand, wondering how long it would be before she woke. I'd never wanted to see her big brown, Bambi eyes so much in my entire life.

Curling my fingers through hers, I drew her hand to my mouth, pressing my lips to her knuckles. I had no idea what Jessie had been through to get to the point of having her stalker try and kill her, but whatever it was I'd be there for her. I didn't think my heart would let me do anything else.

I'd never felt so disoriented in my whole life. I wanted to open my eyes, but something was stopping me. Everything felt heavy, like someone had filled my veins with lead. Darkness fizzed at the edges of my vision as my eyes began to open, and I felt a hand in mine.

I mustered what strength I could and squeezed. Don't let go. Don't leave me.

"Jessie?"

I knew that voice. It spoke to my heart and I knew it was Dee. He didn't leave me. He was still here.

"Dee?" I rasped, my voice sounding far away.

"Yes," he said. "It's me. I'm here."

I ran my tongue over my dry lips. Where was I? As my vision started to clear more as I woke, I realized I was in a hospital room. How did I get here? I went to sit up, but a hand held me down.

"Don't try and move just yet," Dee said, running a hand over my cheek. "Just rest."

"What... Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital. Don't you remember?"

All of a sudden I remembered the car that had come out of nowhere. Squealing tires, horrified screams from strangers on the sidewalk and air... nothing but air. A sob escaped my throat, but he was there, wiping away my tears.

"It's okay," he murmured, his touch bringing me back to life. "You're gunna be okay."

"What happened?"

He frowned, biting his lip.

"Dee."

"You were hit by a car," he explained. "You had some internal bleeding and had to go into surgery as soon as the ambulance brought you in. You might have a fracture on your arm and ribs, but the doctor said they'd take you to X-ray once you were awake from surgery. Tomorrow."

Glancing down, I realized a cast had been placed over my left arm, that's why it felt so heavy. My eyes met Dee's again and I knew that wasn't the whole story. My heart sputtered and the machine that was beeping dully in the background matched the erratic beat.

"What else?" I whispered. I had a bad feeling that this had something to do with Nate.

"The police were here. After you were hit, the car drove off. It was reported as a hit and run. A taxi driver got the rego of the car," he paused.

"It was Nate, wasn't it?" I asked straight out. He obviously already knew. The police had spoken to him while I was out.

He nodded, eyes downcast.

"Dee," I started, desperate to explain. My throat felt raw and my head throbbed, but I didn't care.

"You don't have to say anything right now," he said. "You've just woken up from surgery. Rest."

"No," I reached for his hand. "I need to. I owe you."

"Jessie, you were almost killed. Maybe you should take a moment."

"No," I exclaimed, feeling panic rise in my chest. "No. Don't leave." I had to tell him. What if he left again?

He must have understood, because he stood, his hand caressing my face. "I'm not going anywhere," he murmured. "Are you thirsty?"

I nodded and he poured a cup of water from the jug on the table at the foot of the bed. Wetting my throat and cooling the burn, I sunk back into the pillow. I think Dee assumed I was going to go back to sleep, but I pulled on his hand.

"Jessie," he began, but I needed to explain now. I didn't care about how bad I felt or it had been less than fifteen minutes since I'd woken from major surgery. I needed to give him my soul.

"When I first moved here, it was against my parents wishes. Even though I was legally old enough, I pretty much ran away. Packed up in the middle of the night and left."

"Jessie, please," he argued, but I dug my fingernails into the skin of his hand.

"I was broke and living on the street, so I tried to get in with some rich kids and I got in all right. I manipulated one particular guy to the point he was paying my rent, buying me clothes, food..."

"Nate?" he asked.

Nodding, I continued, "What I did was horrible. Fucking disgusting. I used the excuse that I was desperate, but I was a horrible person."

"You're not horrible."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "When he found out I was playing him and had no intentions of putting out, he snapped. We had a date arranged at his place and I went over, not suspecting a thing. He lured me in and attacked me."

Dee hissed through his teeth. Was he pissed at Nate, or me? In a way it was my fault, I'd driven Nate to do what he did next, but at the end of the day, he made the choice to act on it, not me.

"He beat me until I could hardly scream and was moments away from..." My voice broke at the memory. Nate over me, my throbbing head, blood everywhere, his hands trying to tear the clothing from my bruised body. "His father walked in before... before he could... I don't know what he was doing there, but it could've been so much worse."

"What happened? Did he get arrested?"

"No. They paid me off to keep my mouth shut and I got a restraining order against Nate. The Barnes' are a pretty well off family in New York. They have people who know people if you get my meaning. Money buys a lot of things, but for the rich, it buys a hell of a lot of silence. They made me sign a non-disclosure statement, a full on contract."

His expression darkened even further and I was desperate to know what he was thinking.

"I was barely twenty, Dee. I was alone and terrified," I reasoned, eyes wide.

"It's okay," he whispered. "I'll never understand how it felt, but I get it."

"I haven't seen or heard from Nate since. Not until I turned my cell back on yesterday. I thought that was done. Just a horrible memory."

"Yesterday?"

"After I left you to go to Couch."

"What the fuck?" he hissed. "Jessie, the detective who spoke to me said that they had evidence that he'd been stalking you. He must have been watching you yesterday. Followed you to the cafe."

"What?" My blood ran cold. "But the restraining order..."

"That wouldn't have stopped him."

"It ran out yesterday... That's why he... He knew I couldn't do anything about it. The contract..."

"Jessie, it's okay," Dee said, edging closer. "He's been arrested. He violated the order, so it's still valid. The cops have plenty of evidence. If you wanna press charges, you can. By the sounds of it, they have a strong case against him. More than any high and mighty New York lawyer type can bury."

I sighed in relief, sinking back into my pillow. He was locked up. He couldn't get me anyway, not while Dee was here. Dee would protect me. "Turns out rich kids are more screwed up than regular people," I said wryly.

"Money doesn't buy happiness."

"No, but it gets a roof over your head."

"Your apartment?" he asked.

"I brought it with their hush money," I rolled my eyes. "You might think I was greedy for taking it, but I had nothing. It was better than living on the street, so I took it and tried to make a better life for myself. Without having to worry about rent, I was free to do other things. To be a better person."

"Like interning at Galaxy."

"Yeah, like that."

Dee hesitated, his brow furrowed. "What about your parents?"

I shrugged. "They didn't want to know me after I ran off."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said. "I was a kid. I did something stupid I'll regret for the rest of my life. I can only look forward now, right?"

"Maybe that's a battle for another day." He squeezed my hand gently and I wondered about his parents and how the hell they'd made someone like him. Dee was perfect.

"You must think I'm some kind of nut job."

"No," he said, taking my hand. "That's not the Jessie I've come to know."

I just looked at him like he was insane. I mean, I'd kept it all from him. Everything. He should still be mad at me, shouldn't he? I just kept hurting him.

"I mean, I can't imagine what it would've been like," he said. "I've had a pretty ordinary life up until now, but people make mistakes. Some people learn from them, some people don't. The prime example being that guy, right? You've learnt. You tried to make your life better. Make amends." He whispered the last part, eyes downcast like he was unsure. He didn't have to be.

The tears that had been threatening, began slipping from my eyes. Was he for real? What did I ever do to deserve Dee Cosgrove? He reached up and brushed away my tears with a thumb, a smile pulling at his lips. He was so perfect and strong and…

"Dee?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Leaning over, he kissed the side of my mouth and said, "Love you, too."

"It looks like a florist in here," I said as Jessie opened her eyes.

"Hey," she said, her voice all husky and sexy from sleep. "I never knew I was so popular."

It had been two days since the accident and everyone from the cafe had been to see her. Even a few people she'd worked with at Galaxy and every single one of them brought flowers and cards. The shelf along the wall was full to bursting, but it made the stark hospital room a little more friendly, and wreaked havoc with allergies I didn’t even know I had.

"That's because you're such a good person," I said.

"Dee, you can let it drop," she scolded.

After she'd told me her story and how she still thought she was the same person after that thing back in LA, I didn't understand how she couldn't see it. How she'd changed. I understood now that her running had been out of fear, nothing else. Jessie had overcome so much to grow into the beautiful, generous and kind person she now was. Anyone with eyes in their heads could see that with all the bloody flowers. People cared for her.

"You'll never believe who I heard from," I said, planting a kiss on her lips.

"Who?" she asked, grimacing as she shifted her body.

"Georgie." Laughing as her face screwed up in mock disgust, I pointed to a bunch of expensive looking lilies on the shelf. "Those are from her and Galaxy."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I don't believe it."

"Looks like your hard work paid off," I winked. "You finally got a bunch of flowers outta them. Some pay check."

"Dee," she exclaimed.

Curling my fingers through hers, I said, "They want you back."

"What do you mean?"

"They want you to go back," I repeated a little more firmly.

"Did you have something to do with that?"

"Don't you want to go back and work for them? Isn't that your dream?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes, but…"

"You sacrificed your dreams to come find me. The least I could do was have words with Georgie."

"Dee, you didn't."

"I did. Seems like your replacements, plural, couldn't hack Cyclone Georgie like you could. They want to give you real money, J."

"A job?" she breathed, her eyes widening. "A real life, actual job?"

"Yep." She sighed, her brow creasing into a frown. Before she could argue, I said, "You got this one all on your own, Jessie. I only made the suggestion. Well, Zoe helped, too. A little."

"I don't want it," she said.

"What? Why?"

"I don't want it because that means I can't come to Australia with you."

My heart did a stupid little flip-flop thing in my chest and I couldn't help grinning. "Jessie, that sounds fucking great and everything, but I can't ask you to leave everything behind. We've got time."

"I know we've got time," she said, tugging on my hand. "But, having a near death experience kinda lays everything out for you. It makes the unclear pretty fucking clear. And I never want to leave you again. You're stuck with me, Cosgrove. Whether you want me or not."

Leaning over, I caught her lips with mine, kissing her long and slow. Pulling away, I whispered, "More like, you're stuck with me."

"I can't wait until I'm out of this hospital."

"I can't wait to take you home and give you another earth shattering orgasm."

"I can't wait for you to give it to me," she smiled wickedly, her fingers tracing mine.

Remembering the other night, I smiled to myself. I thought I'd had intense sex with Jessie that first night. What we'd done in her bed had blown that out of the water. Just thinking about it made me harden and knowing that it would be a while before we could have sex again, just added fuel to the fire. The whole want but can't have thing drove me nuts.

Closing my eyes, it was so easy to fantasize about those things, but it would take time for the image of the accident to fade away. Seeing her on the road, the way her eyes had unfocused. If I'd lost her, I didn't know what I would do. Probably waste away to nothing and die a sad, lonely old man.

"Seeing you lying there," I began, my voice cracking. "It was the single most horrible moment of my life." We hadn't talked about that moment, only the short bare minimum details, but it seemed like something I should tell her. We'd never have a secret between us again.

"You don't have to tell me," she said. "I know."

"It made me realize that I can't live without you."

"I can try and find a job anywhere, Dee. The band is more than your life. It's your family and your soul. I can't ask you to leave that behind."

"Fuck, I love you." I didn't know what else to say to that.

"I love you, too."

"If you won't budge, then you have to do something for me." I'd been thinking this over ever since she'd told me her story. Jessie and been alone in the world for far too long. If there was one thing I knew from all those broken hearts and smashed dreams, it was that family mattered. Zoe, Will, Simone, Frank and Chris… they were my family just as much as my parents were.

"What?" she asked, her voice full of suspicion.

"When you're better, take me home. Take me to Montreal to see your family."

She instantly paled, her fingers loosening from mine.

"I know it's gunna be hard, but family matters, Jessie."

She didn't answer and I knew I'd probably said the wrong thing making it an ultimatum like that. A nurse came into the room then, any response Jessie was going to give me, evaporating into thin air.

The nurse clucked her tongue at us. "Out, out, out, Mr. Dee," she scolded me. "Your lady needs her check up."

Jessie gave me a look.

"What?" I shrugged giving the nurse a wink. I'd spent the last two days buttering up all the nurses on the floor so I could get Jessie extra pudding. That, and I was just too antsy to sit still for five minutes at a time.

"You've been busy," Jessie said, squeezing my hand.

"You know I can make friends with anyone."

"He's a sweet talker," the nurse shooed me away. "I know you young boys like lady parts, but out. Shoo."

I stifled a laugh and gave Jesse a quick kiss on the lips. "I'll be right outside."

When I went out into the hall, I spotted Zoe talking to Will, Ana and Ed down by the nurse’s station.

"Did you get the flowers from the guys?" Zoe asked, coming to meet me half way.

"Yeah," I laughed, running a hand through my hair. Simone had sent over a bunch of flowers from her, Frank and Chris. And when I say a bunch of flowers, it also included a giant stuffed monkey with a guitar. I'm sure that was a reference to something. "Jessie loved the monkey, but I think she's gunna drop it off to some kids in pediatrics."

"Shit, she's so nice," she laughed. "Are you sure she loves you, you big ape?"

I knocked her shoulder with mine.

"Any updates from the doctors?"

"She's getting a check up now, but they said she'll probably be good to come home the day after tomorrow."

"That's great," Zoe beamed.

"She said she wants to come with me," I blurted.

"Move to Melbourne?"

"Yeah."

"Dee, that's amazing, but why do you sound so down about it?"

"Galaxy offered her a permanent job."

Zoe pushed off the wall and slapped me on the arm. "So, it worked then?"

Like I told Jessie before, Zoe and I had had words with Georgie and the label about her predicament. We'd told them about the accident and why she'd quit in the first place. Apparently, they had huge plans in the works for The Devil's Tattoo and making us happy made them happy. It wasn't a matter of our say so, getting Jessie her job back. It was more the fact that they'd already gone through two interns in just over a week. Turned out Georgie really was that good at staff turn over.

"Full time, awesome pay rate with bonus' and holidays. Health care, dental and all of that shit they do here."

"But, she wants to move to Melbourne with you?”

"Yep."

"Maybe it's not as important to her anymore. You know, after the last couple of days."

"I'll respect her decision, Zo, whatever she wants to do. I'm stoked she wants to come with me, I just don't want her to keep sacrificing what she wants for me. She did it once already, I can't ask her to do it again."

"Maybe love is what she wanted all along. Just like you."

"Fuck, you're annoying," I sighed, pulling her in for a hug. She was right in a way, but we still had time to work it all out.

"One hundred percent."

"Any word on the album?" I asked. I'd been out of the loop ever since I left LA and felt a little bad about it.

"Looks like the album is getting a January release."

"That far away?"

"Yeah, but the label agreed to let Red Heart be the first single and that'll probably be out before Christmas."

"Yes," I exclaimed fist-bumping Zoe. "What about a tour?"

"Simone said they're looking at dates in February and March for a US tour, but there'll probably be a few festival dates in OZ first."

"Big Day Out?" That festival was the first one I'd ever been to back home. Eighteen, sunburnt and squashed in mosh pits all day and night. I'd been dying to play that circuit ever since.

"Yep," Zoe smiled. She knew all about it, she'd been there with me on my shoulders. "We've had an offer for Falls Festival as well. Not headlining, but almost up there."

"It's all coming up Millhouse, huh?" I said, leaning back against the wall. The Devil's Tattoo had cracked the big time and I was in love with the most amazing woman in the whole entire world. If the world ended right now, I'd be happy. Well, maybe that could wait a little while.

"Roses and sunshine and puppy dogs and unicorns," Zoe laughed. "The whirlwind continues."

Looking back down the hall, I noticed the doctor who had talked to me the day they'd brought Jessie in leaving her room.

"If they're done, go back," Zoe said, following my gaze. "Will and I are gunna go check out the Empire State Building and MOMA."

Before she could escape, I wrapped my arms around her, burying my face into her hair. "Thanks for everything, Zo Zo. I love you."

"Love you too, Dee Dee."

Watching her walk down the hall and into Will's waiting arms, I couldn't help smiling. Taking a few steps backward, I raised my hand in a wave as they disappeared round a corner. Walking straight back into Jessie's room, my eyes latched onto her. She definitely looked brighter than before.

"Okay," she said as I stopped by the bed.

"Okay, what?"

"Let's go to Canada."

"Really?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. I kinda thought she'd fight me a little longer.

"You're right," she sighed as the nurse left. "Family matters. Once I'm well enough, lets go."

"You can think about it a little more if you want to."

"No, I don't need to. I can't let go of the past until I've made peace with every part of it. I want to see my parents. I owe them an explanation, no matter how pissed they'll be."

God, she made my blood boil sometimes, but Jessie Ware was a fucking powerhouse.

"The police are coming to talk to me tomorrow," she added. "I'm going to tell them everything."

Pulling the chair back to her bedside, I sat and took her hand in mine. Every time I was near, I had to touch her or I might implode. "The contract and everything?"

"Yes. I mean, it'll suck and be annoying as hell, but there's more important things."

"Like what?"

"Justice. And you," she squeezed my fingers, squashing them together. "And wherever you are, I want to be there."

"Do you really think you can give up New York for Melbourne?"

"In a heartbeat."

There a few more hurdles to get over, but we were on the home stretch. We had an imminent trip to Canada to plan, which was going to be an emotional roller coaster for all involved. Then there was everything with Nate and the accident. Jessie was going to press charges, even if it meant losing her apartment. It was her decision and I'd stand by her all the way to the end and beyond. Hell, it was even possible that the screwed up contract they made her sign would be null and void after what happened. No doubt the case would go straight to court, but we'd fight it. Seemed she was good at that kind of stuff.

"Oh, and I already talked to billing about paying for your hospital stay," I declared.

"Dee," she shrieked, slapping me on the arm with her good hand.

Laughing, I took a Sharpie off the bedside table and pulled the cap off. On the top of her cast, I wrote, D.C 4 J.W 4 EVA.

Six months later...

I'd always hated airports. Someone was always leaving or coming and it was the separation part I hated the most. Walking through the doors into that magical in between limbo. The hugs goodbye, the last wave as the doors slid shut. Standing in the International Arrivals hall at Melbourne's Tullamarine Airport, my eyes were fixed on those doors like superglue.

"You're staring at the doors so hard it's a wonder you haven't burnt a hole through them," Zoe laughed next to me.

"That's right, Hot Legs. I'm dying to lay them on Hot Stuff."

She laughed at the nickname I'd given Jessie. "She lets you call her that?"

"No, but she seemed to like it better than Hot Ass."

"Oh god, Dee."

"I'm more of a breast man, but Hot Tits would be a little inappropriate."

"You think?" she pretend gagged. "As per usual, Dee, TMI."

"Above and beyond," I winked, nudging my best friend with an elbow.

Before I left, Jessie took me home to Montreal just like she promised. I knew it was going to be hard for her, but I was there every step of the way to charm the ass off of her parents. And when she told them what had happened with Nate and everything after... well, it wasn't easy for them to hear, but I think they appreciated the honesty and the guts it took to come home and begin making amends.

Everyone had made mistakes along the way, some bigger than others, but it took real integrity and courage to face them. I think that's what won them over in the end.

After two months together in America and Canada, the hardest thing I'd ever had to do was leave Jessie behind to face her court date on her own. Bad luck saw me booted out of the country a couple of days before D-day. The case had since been adjourned and called back, but in the end her lawyer, and whatever big shot the Barnes' had, cut a deal that saw her on the receiving end in a good way. Nate was sent to jail on a slightly reduced sentence and Jessie got to rip up the non-disclosure contract and keep her apartment. She even went back to work at Galaxy until they found a more permanent replacement.

Jessie was getting here just before Christmas and we'd already made plans to have a huge BBQ at my parents place in the Northern suburbs and a Christmas Eve house party at Frank's with everyone and anyone we could think of inviting. I was so damn excited, I couldn't sit still. She was going to be here a month and come with the band when we played the Big Day Out across Australia and New Zealand, then we were going back to America for a two month cross country tour. Couldn't fucking wait.

I'd been waiting and waiting for it, but I was still unprepared when Jessie walked through the doors, a massive suitcase trailing behind her. She looked rough around the edges from her flight, but it didn't matter. She took my breath away every time, no matter what she looked like.

Ditching Zoe, I strode forward through the crowd, desperate to feel her in my arms again.

"Dee," she smiled as she caught sight of me. Dropping her suitcase, she launched herself into my arms and we stood together, tangled in each other for ages until we parted.

"Am I fucking glad to see you," I whispered in her ear, drawing her mouth to mine for a kiss. "How's the jet lag?"

"Why?" She kissed the side of my mouth.

"You know why," I said, wiggling my eyebrows. "I haven't seen you in almost three months. You know how hard I am?"

"Like a rock," she quipped, taking me by surprise.

"Love you, Hot Stuff."

"We have to have a talk about the nickname," she said, linking her arm through mine as I rolled her suitcase behind us.

"That's what I told him," Zoe called out as we approached. She came forward and gave Jessie a hug. "Welcome home."

"Home," she replied. "That's got a nice ring to it."

Fuck, I felt proud seeing the two women I loved getting along. Zoe and I were a package deal and to think that Jessie got it and didn't give a fuck… How perfect could she be? Pretty flawless in my eyes.

"Georgie gave me a recommendation," Jessie grinned as we walked out to the undercover car park. "I have a job here if I want it and they don't care one bit when I want to start."

"Fucking, A," I cried, swinging her around again as we stopped by the pay station.

"I reckon I'll start after the US tour, hey?"

"Reckon?" I asked, an eyebrow quirking at the Aussie slang.

"If I'm going to live here, I've got to learn the lingo."

"Oh my god," Zoe said behind us as she put the ticket into the machine to pay. "I like her more and more every day."

"I fucking love you," I whispered in Jessie's ear. "I'm so glad you're here."

"I love you, Dee Cosgrove. Don't you ever forget it."

"How could I?" I thought about the fire we'd both walked over to get to this point and shook my head. Some fucking afterglow.

"What?" she asked, catching the movement.

"Nothing."

"What?" she prodded again.

"I was just thinking about the shit we've been through to get here."

Jessie smiled up at me with her big brown Bambi eyes, melting my already liquefied heart and said, "There's no heat without a flame."

Where those one-liners came from, I had no idea, all I wanted to do was kiss her stupid. Cupping her cheek, I pressed my lips to hers, consuming, devouring, obliterating, not giving one shit we were in a public place or Zoe was standing there waiting for us.

Jessie Ware was mine, and I was hers. And the best part?

We had our entire lives ahead of us.

Would you like another Devil’s Tattoo Story?

Simone and Chris’ story?

Want to read more about the mysterious Frank?

Visit me at my website and let me know:

www.nicolertaylorwrites.com

OTHER BOOKS BY NICOLE R. TAYLOR

The Devil’s Tattoo

The Devil’s Tattoo (#1)

The Fire Walker (#2)

The Witch Hunter Saga

The Witch Hunter (#1)

The Return (#2)

The Shadow’s Son (#3)

What Remains

TITLES COMING SOON…

The Awakening (#4 in the Witch Hunter Saga) (early 2014)

Young Blood (A Witch Hunter Saga Novella) (TBA 2014)

For more info go to www.nicolertaylorwrites.com

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nicole R. Taylor is a Paranormal, Urban Fantasy and Romance author from country Victoria, Australia.

Previously, she has written for various small street press music and entertainment publications as a gig and album reviewer before publishing her first Urban Fantasy novel in early 2013.

When she isn’t writing, Nicole likes to spend time curled up with a good book and her 3 year old rescue cat, Burger. She gets itchy feet more often than not and has lived in three countries and travelled to three times as many.

Learn more about her writing at:

www.nicolertaylorwrites.com

You can also find her across social media:

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Table of Contents

- Chapter One – Dee
- Chapter Two - Jessie
- Chapter Three - Dee
- Chapter Four - Jessie
- Chapter Five - Dee
- Chapter Six - Jessie
- Chapter Seven - Dee
- Chapter Eight - Jessie
- Chapter Nine – Dee
- Chapter Ten - Dee
- Chapter Eleven – Dee
- Chapter Twelve – Jessie
- Chapter Thirteen – Dee
- Chapter Fourteen – Jessie
- Chapter Fifteen – Dee
- Chapter Sixteen – Jessie
- Chapter Seventeen – Dee
- Chapter Eighteen – Jessie
- Chapter Nineteen – Dee
- Chapter Twenty – Jessie
- Chapter Twenty One – Dee
- Chapter Twenty Two - Jessie
- Chapter Twenty Three  Dee
- Chapter Twenty Four - Dee
- Chapter Twenty Five – Jessie
- Chapter Twenty Six – Dee
- Chapter Twenty Seven – Jessie
- Chapter Twenty Eight – Dee
- Chapter Twenty Nine – Dee
- Chapter Thirty – Jessie
- Chapter Thirty One – Dee
- Chapter Thirty Two – Dee
- Other Books by Nicole R. Taylor
- About the Author