UnWritten
Author: Chelsea M. Cameron
Date: 2014-07-10 04:00:00+00:00
Keywords: New Adult; Romance; Contemporary Romance; Contemporary; Humor; Chick Lit; Death; Adult
Description: Children's librarian by day. Romance novelist by night. British single father. Someone else is writing this love story... Blair Walton isn't your average curvaceous tattooed children's librarian. She's also one half of bestselling romance author, Scarlet Rose. Along with her BFF Raine, she spends her nights writing books so steamy, she's afraid they would shock her Southern conservative grandmother to death . . . if she knew about them. That's why she and Raine write in secret. On deadline for their latest book and out of ideas, Raine suggests (demands) that Blair find a guy and "do some resea

Table of Contents

Titlepage

Copyright

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Epilogue

Books by Chelsea M. Cameron

Acknowledgements

About the Author

UnWritten

Copyright © 2014 Chelsea M. Cameron
www.chelseamcameron.com

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are use fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, business establishments or locales is entirely coincidental.

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. All rights reserved.

Cover Copyright © Chelsea M. Cameron

Edited by JenHendricks.com

Cover Design by OkayCreations.com

Interior Design by NovelNinjutsu.com

“What’s another word for ‘pussy’?” Raine asked, squinting at me over her laptop. I looked up from mine and thought for a moment.

“What’s the context?”

Her not-quite-blue-not-quite-grey eyes went back to her screen.

“He’s licking it.”

“Her pussy?”

“Yeah, but I’ve already used that word, like, a million times.” I sighed and saved the chapter I was currently working on.

“Send it to me.”

Her fingers clacked on her keyboard and then my email dinged. I ignored the massive amounts of unread mail in my inbox, including several fan letters (which I felt horrible about not answering) and opened the document.

My eyes did a quick scan as Raine stared at her computer, a frown on her face. I deleted a few of her uses of the word and tweaked the phrasing.

“Okay, sending back.”

I reached for my coffee cup, tried to take a sip and found it empty.

“Damn. I’m out. Want a refill?” Raine handed me her cup without taking her eyes off the screen. It was nearly one in the morning, but we had a deadline soon. We hadn’t missed one yet and had no intention to start.

I tried to remember the last time I’d made a pot of coffee, and couldn’t, so I tossed whatever was in the coffeepot and started making a fresh one.

“We really should get one of those Keurigs. You know it would be a tax write-off. And it’s not like we can’t afford it.”

Raine just made a non-committal sound.

I was always the one who had to make the first move. When the two of us had met as TAs in the English department at college, I’d been the one who’d had the crazy idea of writing a romance together under a pen name and trying to get it published.

The two of us had spent the hours we were supposed to be doing keg stands and getting STDs typing away. It took us two years to write our first book, and most of it was spent trying to figure out how to combine our brains into one story. And then, by some miracle, we’d actually gotten an agent to take us seriously, and then a publisher. Here we were, three years after getting our first book deal, with five books under our collective belt, three of them bestsellers under the name Scarlet Rose (Scarlet for my middle name, Rose for Raine’s mother).

“Ugh, I can’t look at this anymore or I'm going to set it on fire,” Raine said, rubbing her eyes and getting to her feet and stretching her back.

“I know the feeling,” I said, hoping that by staring at the coffeemaker, it would somehow brew faster.

“We are never going to make this deadline, Walt.” (Yes, I know my name is Blair Walton, as in a name that is very close to Blair Waldorf, one of the characters from Gossip Girl. No, I was not named after the show, seeing as how it didn’t come on until 2007.) Raine had been calling me Walt for years, and I was so used to it that sometimes I got confused when older gentlemen named Walt had appointments at the same doctor’s office as I did.

I turned and gave her a look.

“You always say that and we always meet them. Look, let’s take a half-hour break to recharge and then we can marathon until four. Okay?” That would only give me a few hours of sleep, but I’d functioned on much less.

That was the price you paid for being a secret writer.

Raine came over and put her chin on my shoulder.

“Why did we sign this contract again?” she asked. I sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“Because the money was good and we can’t say no to Marilyn.”

“I’m still terrified of her.”

“You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t,” I said as the coffee finally started to pour into the pot. Marilyn, our editor, was one of the scariest women I’d ever met. Initially, she seemed sweet and nice. But she was deadly with a red pen and she had an uncanny ability to read people. Her hair was always curled, her shoes were always spiked heels and her lipstick was always cherry red. She was beautiful in the way that a sharpened blade was beautiful.

I poured coffee into both our cups, adding lots of sugar to mine, and lots of powdered creamer to Raine’s.

“I’m calling out tomorrow. There’s just no way I can put up with morons after all this,” she said.

“I wish I could. Sabrina’s on vacation, so I’m shit out of luck.” I worked in the children’s department of our small local library and Raine was a bank teller. Totally glamorous jobs they were not.

Raine kissed one of the tattoos on my shoulder and picked up her coffee cup. My arms were both covered in ink and I had several others on my chest, back, legs and feet. My mother was convinced I got them to spite her, but really none of them had anything to do with her.

“Blaiiirrrrrr,” she whined, shuffling back to the desk. “I don’t wanna write any more.”

“Too bad, kiddo. We have a deadline.” They say you never really know the measure of a person until you live with them, but I think you never really know it until you try to write a book with them.

“Drink your coffee, babe. It will make you feel better.” She did as I asked, and sat on the couch. I turned on the television and went through our saved shows. We had the latest episode of New Girl on there, which would be perfect for a half-hour of wasting time before we had to go back to work.

I snuggled next to Raine and before I knew it, my eyes were closing.

“Blair!” A voice pierced my eardrums and then something smacked my arm. My eyes flew open to realize that the living room was filling with the weak light of predawn.

“We both fell asleep,” Raine said, yawning and stretching. I’d fallen asleep tucked into her side.

“Shit, what time is it?”

“Nearly six.”

“Shit, shit, shit.” I stumbled to my feet and grabbed my coffee cup, intending to throw it in the microwave.

“Words. We have to make words,” I said, but Raine’s eyes had closed again.

“No words. Sleep.”

I had two options. I could go back to sleep for a little while, or I could force myself to stay awake.

Normally I would do the second, but I was so beyond tired that I knew if I didn’t get at least a little more sleep, I was going to pass out on the copier at the library. Again.

“Bed. Going to bed.” Raine didn’t answer.

I stumbled toward my bed and fell face first on it, and was out until my alarm rang again at seven thirty.

“And they lived happily ever after,” I said for what felt like the ten thousandth time in my life. I closed the book and looked out at the faces that stared at me with rapt attention. I had a good turnout for the toddler story hour, and everyone had been on their best behavior. I stifled a yawn behind the book and got up from my rocking chair.

“Thank you everyone for coming. We’ll see you next week.” Then we sang “The Goodbye Song” and each kid gave me a hug. More often than not, at least one little bugger would wipe their nose on my shoulder. I must have an immune system of steel because I rarely got sick.

As the tots were collected by their frazzled parents and taken off for naps or snacks, I went to re-shelve the books I’d used.

The children’s room at the Sullivan Library was decorated to look like the pages of Where The Wild Things Are, complete with the monsters and Max in his costume. There was even a little jungle nook with plastic vines hanging down. I loved it here and I couldn’t believe I’d managed to get this job right out of college.

I’d worried that my appearance would hinder my chances, and undo the good of getting my Master’s in Library Science and my summer internship with the Library of Congress.

But Madeline, the head librarian, had taken one look at my resumé, then me, smiled, and said I was hired. I’d been working here ever since.

They had no idea about what I did at night with Raine. I gave no explanation for the fact that I often appeared weary, and constantly covered up my dark circles with makeup.

The most ironic part was that the library carried my books. Mine and Raine’s. Sometimes the other librarians would ask me if I’d read them and I always said no.

I did various chores around the room, picking up some of the toys, re-shelving books that had been scattered around by little fingers, and checking them to make sure none had snot on them. Anti-bacterial wipes were my friend.

Focused on my tasks, I almost didn’t hear the tiny voice, humming in a corner. I peered between the shelves and found a little boy wearing an outfit nice enough for family pictures. His hair was so blond it was almost white, and gelled back from his face to show his bright blue eyes. A quick glance around revealed that he was sans parent.

“Hey there,” I said, using my soft library voice. I’d honed it over the past few years of working with kids.

“Shhh,” he said, putting a finger to his lips. He looked about three or four, I’d guess. I got closer and I saw that he even had little dress shoes on. Poor kid.

“Okay, I can be quiet,” I said, sitting down next to him, folding my dress under me. “I’m Blair, what’s your name?”

“I, Drake,” he said in a whisper that wasn’t a whisper. This kid was adorable.

“Hi, Drake. It’s so nice to meet you. Are you here all by yourself?” We’d had more than one child go missing, hidden in between the stacks. I kept expecting his frazzled mother to come around the corner and sigh in relief before yelling at him not to run off.

“Yup. I big boy.”

“You are a big boy. You’ve even got your big boy clothes on. Did you pick those out yourself?” He was about to answer when I heard footsteps and a woman, looking frantic, emerged around the corner.

“Drake!” she said, nearly falling over in relief. I wondered if this woman was his mother, because where he was fair as could be, she had silky black hair, dark eyes and gorgeous tan skin. Drake didn’t look pleased to be found.

“Thank you for finding him,” the woman said as I stood up to let her collect him.

“No, I don’t wanna!” Drake said.

“But we’re going to meet your daddy. Don’t you want to see Daddy?” At the mention of seeing his father, Drake’s eyes lit up and he grinned.

“Daddy!”

“That’s right, we’re going to see him.” She leaned down and picked him up. She was tiny, but had the body of a woman who had probably run a marathon or two. She was also dressed just as well as Drake, with a black skirt, white ruffled top and gorgeous heels. I looked down at my cute-but-sensible red ballet flats and sighed. I never got to wear sexy shoes like that at work.

“Bye, Drake. Come and see me again and I’ll help you choose a book,” I said, waving at him as the woman carried him to the door.

“Bye-bye, Blair!” he called in his sweet little voice.

“And how are we on this lovely evening?” I said when I got back to the apartment after stopping to get some provisions after work. Raine squinted at me from her computer. I wondered how long she’d been sitting at it. Judging by the fact that her blonde hair was still un-brushed and she wore the same ratty shirt and yoga pants as she’d had on last night, it had been a while.

“Did you bring the Oreos?”

“Of course I did.” She made grabby hands and I shoved the package at her, ignoring the disaster that was our apartment when we were on deadline.

“I keep telling you we need to hire someone to clean this place. Or at least hire an assistant to deal with our emails. They could work remotely and then they wouldn’t even know we’re Scarlet Rose,” I said, pulling a container of vanilla ice cream out of the grocery bags and leaving it on the counter to soften. For me, diet was a four-letter word. And even if I did diet, I wasn’t ever going to be a size two. It just wasn’t how I was built. I’d spent a lot of time hating my body when I was younger, but then I decided in a fit of independence that I was going to love myself. That was the day I got my first bit of ink, an illustration from The Little Prince, on my foot.

Raine was tiny, but not because she didn’t eat. She just had the metabolism of a long-distance runner without actually running. We were only a few inches apart in height, but our sizes differed quite a bit.

“Couldn’t we make them sign something? Like one of those contract things.”

“Non-disclosure agreements,” I supplied. Raine was never very specific in her language, but I always knew what she was talking about.

“Yeah. I guess we could do that.”

“Seriously?”

She nodded and twisted an Oreo apart, popping half into her mouth. “Yeah, why not? We both hate answering emails. And maybe they’d get answered if we paid someone.”

This was a revelation. I’d been BEGGING for this to happen for weeks and she’d finally caved.

“Okay, awesome. I’ll go ahead and see if Marilyn knows anyone. Or maybe we should ask Hugh?” Hugh was our intrepid literary agent who put up with our crazy and somehow loved us anyway.

“Good idea. Then we won’t get some weirdo who steals all our information and sells it to hackers.” Leave it to Raine to go worst-case scenario.

I put away the rest of the groceries and grabbed a few snacks. Raine and I rarely ate meals when we were on deadline, choosing instead to snack constantly to fuel our bodies. And then of course there was coffee. Always coffee. If both of us could have, I was sure we would make a lifelong commitment to coffee.

I got another pot going and went to change out of the dress I’d worn to work and into my writing attire: a baggy t-shirt, no bra, and yoga pants.

“You know these yoga pants have never seen the inside of a yoga studio?” I said when I emerged, my wavy brown hair tossed on top of my head in a bun that matched Raine’s.

“Neither have mine. Okay, so I worked on that section where they’re at the bar, and I still think something is off. It’s just not flowing. Here.” I went to her side of the desk and read over her shoulder. She held up an Oreo for me to munch as I scanned the words on the screen. Someday, somebody was going to figure out that too much screen time made you go blind and then we were going to be in big trouble.

“Yeah, I see what you mean. Go ahead and send it over and I’ll see what I can do after I’m done with the stuff I was supposed to do last night. Oh, and we have that blurb due in two days, Raine. Two days. We can’t put it off any more,” I said.

She groaned.

“Why is so impossible to describe a book in a few words?”

“That is one of the mysteries of writing. Legend has it that the secret to blurb writing was buried alongside Jesus, but pirates stole it after his resurrection.”

Raine snorted into her coffee cup.

“Your grandmother would have your hide if she heard you say that.”

I laughed, imagining her face.

“Yeah, she would.” My grandmother, known to everyone as Fanny (no one dared ever make a joke) Walton. She was everything you’d think of when you thought of a classy Southern woman. Pearls, impeccable wardrobe, skilled conversationalist, charity work, the whole shebang. She was a transplant from South Carolina to just outside Boston. As they say, you could take the lady out of the South, but you couldn’t take the South out of the lady. Visits to her house were always accompanied by sweet tea and unsolicited advice. But I didn’t dare mess with her.

The woman was eighty-four and every bit as active as someone a third of her age.

I always had to wear a cardigan to my weekly Sunday visits to hide my tattoos. If the tattoos didn’t kill her, the fact that I wrote dirty books would. Even my mother didn’t know about the books. No one did, apart from the two of us, our agent, editor and a few other people involved in publishing. It was much easier that way. I couldn’t imagine us being the kind of authors who were forced on cross-country book tours, meeting hundreds of fans a day and signing books until our hands cramped up and fell off. Still, it might be kind of exciting.

“Let’s rock this bitch,” I said, getting comfy at my desk chair and firing up my laptop. It was going to be another long night.

“Blair!” My face snapped off the desk, where I’d been resting for only a moment. Just resting my eyes. For a second.

I looked up and met the eyes of Madeline, peering down at me with concern. Shit.

“I wasn’t sleeping. I swear.” I tried to covertly wipe my mouth, where I could feel a little bit of wetness, but she saw it anyway. She saw everything.

“Are you sure you’re okay, dear? You look like you’ve been running yourself ragged. Now I know you’re not out getting into trouble, so why aren’t you getting any sleep?” I blinked a few times and tried to get my brain back to full speed.

“I just . . . I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Just things.”

“Mmmhmmm,” Madeline said, arching one of her perfectly-sculpted eyebrows. “Well, if you want to talk about whatever is keeping you up, you know my door is always open.” Actually, her office didn’t have a door, so that statement was literally true. She patted my shoulder and gave me a smile before striding briskly back to the front desk to supervise the volunteers, who sometimes had a little trouble with the computer.

“Get it together,” I said to myself, shaking my head back and forth to wake up.

The children’s room was empty so luckily no patrons had seen my unplanned nap, but there was plenty of work to do. I just had to keep moving.

I was in the midst of re-shelving some of the picture books when a voice started singing. I peered around the shelves and there was little Drake again, still dressed like a tiny businessman. Poor kid must have to dress like that every day. I couldn’t imagine how those clothes stayed clean, but there wasn’t a stain on them.

“Hi Blair!” he chirruped, waving at me. The woman he’d been with the other day was just behind him.

“Slow down, Drake. No running.” He turned around and gave her a look.

“You’re not my mommy.” I had to cover my mouth so I didn’t laugh, because his tone was so sassy.

“No, I’m not your mommy, but your daddy put me in charge and that means you have to listen to me. You know what happens when you don’t listen and then I tell daddy.” She put her hands on her hips and gave him “the look”. He gave her one right back, his hands on his hips too.

This kid was killing me.

“Drake,” she said, a warning tone in her voice.

“Ada,” he said in the same tone. That was it, I lost it.

They both looked up at me.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny,” I said to Ada, who was apparently not Drake’s mother. Interesting. His father must be wealthy, if he had a nanny to watch his son, and also if he dressed him that well every day.

“Hey, Drake, how about you stop harassing Ada and come and pick out a book with me?” I leaned over and put my hands on my knees to speak to him at his level. It seemed so rude to look down at a kid when you were talking to them.

He grinned at me and held out his hand.

“Okay!” He hauled me down to the first shelf and pointed. “I want that one.”

Demanding little thing.

“Drake, how do we ask for something we want?” Ada said as she walked around the corner to supervise.

He sighed as if we were really putting him out.

“May I please have the green one?” I pulled the book he had been pointing to off the shelf and handed it to him. It was a classic, one of those books we’d had to replace and repair so many times we kept three copies on hand.

“Blair, would you please read this to me?” He was definitely doing his utmost to be very polite now.

“I would be happy to read this to you, as long as no other children need my help. If they do, maybe Ada could read it to you?” I looked up at her, hoping that would be something she’d be okay with doing. I was sure it had to be part of her job description.

“No, I want you to read it.” He took my hand again and hauled me into the room filled with squishy beanbags and tiny plastic chairs. I brought over my own chair and got one for Ada. She thanked me and sat down, crossing her ankles and looking like she’d rather be somewhere else.

Drake sat down in front of me and propped his hands on his crossed legs and stared at me. I couldn’t even deal with how cute he was.

I started the story, and he listened to me with rapt attention. Usually kids his age were too busy staring at the pictures and trying to tell me that they knew what they were, or asking me questions, to listen to the story. But Drake was silent the entire time.

I finished the story with a flourish and closed the book.

“Did you like the story, Drake?”

“Yes, Blair,” he said, smiling.

“Would you like to take the book home with you for a few days so you can get your daddy to read it to you?” His eyes lit up even more and he nodded.

“Can we, Ada?” She nodded and I went to get the information so Drake could get a library card. We had special ones for kids, and I was betting Drake would get a kick out of having his own card to be responsible for.

“Do you mind filling this out? It’s just a basic form and then we need a signature at the bottom.” I gave the paperwork to Ada, who filled it out as Drake talked about how many books he was going to take home and read.

“And someday soon, you’ll learn how to read and then you can read them to me. How does that sound?” He jumped up and down in excitement.

“Darn, we’re late for meeting your father. I’m just going to call him and tell him to meet us here,” Ada said to Drake, who was still talking about books. He was going to be one of my special ones. The kids who got obsessed with books, which blossomed into a lifelong love of reading. Or at least that was how it played out in my ideal scenario.

I was so busy watching Drake hop around, I didn’t see anyone enter the children’s room. But then Drake froze mid-bounce, screamed “DADDY!” and flung himself across the room toward a man who looked like a carbon copy of his son, only older.

“Hi, Drake,” he said, scooping his son up and hugging him. “Did you miss me, little fellow?” I had to brace myself against the desk as the words reached my ears. He had an accent. A British one. There was something about a British accent that had always made me quiver deep down inside and touched me in places a regular New England accent just couldn’t reach.

I watched the father with his son and I couldn’t help but see how their hair was the exact same color, the stubborn chin identical. But the eyes . . .

Drake’s eyes were a bright sky blue, but his father’s were diluted. So pale, they were like a drop of blue ink dissolved in a glass of water.

They were captivating.

And they were looking at me.

I looked away, but not quick enough. I could almost feel Ada judging me as Drake’s dad carried him back over to us. I got behind the desk and smoothed my dress. It was one of my favorites. I felt like a sassy 1950s lady in the cherry print and petticoat to make the skirt flare out. Well, normally I felt sassy. Right now I felt like an idiot.

“Did you make a friend, Drake?” I was going to orgasm just from this man’s voice. Clearly, I was having a mental breakdown from lack of sleep. Raine was going to die when I told her about this later.

“That’s Blair. She takes care of the books.” You had to love kid logic.

“It is very nice to meet you, Blair. I hope this little tyke hasn’t been too much trouble.” And then he smiled and I had to sit down.

“Uh, no. Not at all. He’s been a perfect,” I choked on my own air, “a perfect gentleman.” I wasn’t going to snitch on him for being disrespectful, but I was sure Ada would get right on that. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her pursing her lips. For a nanny, she didn’t seem as if she liked kids very much.

“See, Daddy? I was good.” I didn’t think Drake could grasp what a wink meant yet, or else I would have totally shared one with him.

I wanted to know if “Daddy” had a name, but it seemed awkward to ask.

“Drake and I were just filling out paperwork so he can get his very own library card.” I glanced down and saw Ada had filled out all the information but had neglected to sign the form. “I just need an adult’s signature to get the card made.” I handed him the clipboard and a pen, hoping the expression on my face was neutral. Score. Now I could see what his first name was.

“Well now, your very own library card. Are you going to take very good care of it and not lose it? Only very special children get to have library cards,” Drake’s father said.

“I take good care of it, Daddy. I’s promise,” Drake said holding up his pinky. His father leaned down and linked his pinky with his son’s, pulling Drake’s hand up to his mouth to kiss it. Then Drake did the same thing with his father’s hand. My heart turned into liquid and I had to look away to wipe my suddenly watering eyes because I couldn’t deal with how sweet it was.

I turned and Ada caught me again with her judgey eyes.

“Okay, I’m going to go get this card made, alright, Drake?” Drake nodded, his hand still in his dad’s.

I took the application to the back room where we printed the cards, staring down at the signature. Crap. It was a scrawl. The only thing I could make out was a D. Like father, like son.

I got the card printed out with Drake’s name on it. At the very least, I knew what their last name was. Lord help me. It was Bennet. With just one T. As in Elizabeth Bennet, the heroine of one of my all-time favorite books.

The universe was either sending me a signal, or I was reading too much into things. As a writer, it was my job to take a seemingly ordinary situation and make it into something else. I was probably just being ridiculous.

I got the card made and brought it back, only to find Drake dragging his dad around to show him the books.

“Here you go, Drake,” I said, holding out the card and leaning down. “If you see right here, it says your name. That says Drake and that says Bennet.”

“That’s my name,” he said, taking the card from my hand.

“Hold on, Drake, what do you say to the lovely librarian?” Lovely? I was lovely? I felt my cheeks blush.

“Thank you,” Drake said, waving the card around.

“You’re very welcome,” I said, standing up. Drake’s father was at least nine inches (give or take) taller than me, without my heels on. Tall men were one of Earth’s greatest resources.

“I’m sorry, but we’ve got to be going. Thank you again for the card. I’m sure he’ll lose it as soon as we leave,” he said, smiling a little.

“Oh, that’s okay. I can just print him another one. It was, um, very nice to meet you.” I thought about shaking his hand, but that seemed like an odd thing to do in this particular situation. So I folded my hands behind my back.

“It was nice to meet you, Blair. I’ll make sure we see each other again. Say good-bye, Drake.”

“Bye-bye!” Drake waved to me and I waved back as Ada took his hand and the three of them left the room.

As soon as they were gone, I leaned against my desk and took a deep breath.

“You’re kidding,” Raine said that night as I gave a dramatic reenactment of meeting Drake’s father that afternoon.

“Would I make something like this up?” I said, realizing too late that yes, I definitely could.

“Dude, you’re a writer. I’m a writer. We make things up for a living.” She gestured to make her point. Raine always had to gesture when she was talking. Even when her hands were full. She had a tendency to spill whatever she was holding.

“Good point, but still. I am not making this up. He was completely real. And gorgeous, and that accent—” I had that tingle again just remembering.

“You’re talking about the dad, right?” It took me a second to realize what she said.

I smacked her on the arm. “Ew, pervert. Yes, the dad. I wish I could have gotten his name. If only the stupid nanny hadn’t filled out the form. Then he would have had to print his name and I would know what it is.”

“Well, another part of our job as writers is to know things. And if we don’t know them, how to find them.” She ran to her computer and started typing like a madwoman.

“No, Raine. No. We swore we would only use your powers in extreme emergencies.”

She didn’t look up at me.

“There’s a cute guy involved. That qualifies this as an emergency.” Her eyes scanned the screen and then she typed some more. I didn’t possess her magical computer searching prowess, but I knew how to Google.

“Raine, stop.”

“Hell. No.” She banged the keyboard twice and grinned at me, turning her laptop around.

“Voila!” Somehow, she’d hacked into the library database, found the scanned form, put it through some fancy handwriting decoding software that she’d sworn was somehow a work expense and a name popped up.

“Declan. His name is Declan Bennet. Wow. That is a great name,” Raine said, sighing. “That’s a great name for a character. Can we steal it?”

“No, we can’t steal it. We can’t steal names from people we might actually see again, remember?” We’d made a lot of strange rules when we’d been writing our first book. Mostly during our epic procrastination sessions. Some of the rules were ridiculous, but that one was built on sound logic.

“Fine, fine. But now that we know his name, I can look him up, find out where he frequents and you can bump into him, and then bump uglies with him and come home and tell me about it because I really can’t write another boring sex scene.”

My mouth gaped and I stared at Raine for at least ten full seconds before I figured out just what she was asking me to do.

“You’re insane,” was my first reaction. “You are not using me for sex scene ideas.” Not that we hadn’t used our own sexual histories in books before, because we had, especially when we were starting out. The motto was “write what you know” and we definitely did that. But I was going to draw the line at hooking up with a guy for “research”. Hell, no.

“What is so insane about that?” Her eyes went back to the computer and she started typing.

“You are not looking him up right now,” I said, coming around to see what was on her screen, but she jerked it away.

“You can’t stop me. I’ll just wait until you’re sleeping and then I’ll find the information. You have to do this, Blair. We need ideas for this book or we’re going to end up recycling old stuff and it’s going to suck and then the book isn’t going to sell and our publishers will drop us and I was hoping to quit working at the bank soon. I’ve finally got enough saved to do it.” Sure, that was a potential situation, but that didn’t mean I had to go along with her crazy ass plan.

“No. I’m not doing that. And besides, who knows if he’d even be interested in me, or single? He probably has a wife.” Sure, he’d been friendly and he’d called me lovely, but maybe that was just a British thing? I mean, I definitely wasn’t a conventional girl, by anyone’s beauty standards. Not to mention I had no idea about his marital status.

“Well, if you would let me continue my work, then I could find out about his status so we could put that baby to bed and you could get on with things. Why must you make everything difficult?” She batted my hands away and went back to work. It was much easier to let her just do what she wanted. Trying to stop her wouldn’t work. Raine was one stubborn bitch.

Twenty minutes later, she had an entire dossier about Declan (insert middle names) Bennet. She snatched it off the printer and shoved it in my face. I’d been waiting and pretending to work, but really, I was interested.

“Just because I’m reading this, does not mean I condone you stalking him.” My eyes scanned the top line. It couldn’t hurt to look, right?

“Wow, he’s only twenty-two,” I said.

“And his son is three. Well, three years and two months,” Raine said, scanning the information on her computer. Wow, he’d had a child young. I couldn’t imagine. I’d never even had a pregnancy scare, but Raine had, and I’d remembered how terrifying that had been and I’d only experienced it secondhand.

I scanned quickly down to the section on his marital status. Divorced. I breathed out in relief.

“So there, he’s single,” Raine said, leaning back in her chair and looking triumphant. I should not indulge her in this behavior.

“Just because he’s divorced, doesn’t mean he’s single.”

“According to his social networking pages, it does. And have you gotten to the employment history part?” I hadn’t. I didn’t want to know any more. I slapped the papers down on the desk.

“Enough. I’m not prying into his personal financial information.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? I go out of my way to get all this good information and you turn your nose up at it.” Raine snatched the papers away and proceeded to read them out loud. I jammed my fingers in my ears and ran to my bedroom, slamming the door. She just kept reading louder, so I turned on my music, blasting Needtobreathe to try to drown her out. She was relentless, but eventually she stopped and went back to work on what we were supposed to be doing.

The list was taped to my door when I finally emerged, and I could hear her humming “Money, Money, Money” by ABBA under her breath.

I fell asleep at my desk again the next day at work. Raine and I had had a bad night of writing, both of us completely stuck on a scene and fresh out of ideas. I didn’t believe in writer’s block. Not really. We had just written ourselves into a corner, and we’d either have to come up with something creative to get out of it, or find out where we went wrong, go back and delete a bunch of words we’d worked so hard on. Deleting words was the worst. It was like murdering something. You could almost see the red trails of blood running down the computer screen.

At least this time I’d woken myself up before Madeline caught me again. Unfortunately, there was a set of unblinking blue eyes staring at me when I awoke, and I had to swallow a scream.

“Hi, Blair,” Drake said, his chin resting on his folded hands. I sat up and stretched my neck, my face turning red from being caught dozing by a patron. Even if that patron was only three.

“Hi, Drake,” I said, glancing around to see where Ada was. I found her over in a corner on her phone. She tossed me an irritated look and went back to her conversation. Boy, she was the worst nanny I’d ever seen outside of a movie. I wondered how in the hell she’d even gotten the job. Maybe she was Mary Fucking Poppins when other people weren’t around. Declan didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would hire someone that hated kids to watch his son.

Single dad. I’d torn the dossier off my door early this morning and read the rest. He had full custody of Drake, since his ex-wife Vanessa (what a cliché name) had taken off to Vegas with one of his best friends. They were married now and he owned one of the many clubs on the strip.

“Can I have a book?” Drake said, interrupting my pondering about his mother.

“Sure, why don’t we pick one out together?” Ada was still on the phone. Great. Just great. Some child-snatching psycho could wander in here and grab sweet Drake, shove him in an unmarked white van and sell him to the highest bidder before she finished her damn phone call.

Yes, I have a vivid imagination. It’s an occupational hazard.

This time, I led him to the shelves that were for his age group and steered him toward one of my favorite books. He grabbed it off the shelf and plopped down on one of the beanbags.

“Will you read to me?” he said, pouting up at me. I couldn’t imagine ever saying no to this kid. I also couldn’t imagine ever leaving him and running off to Vegas, but that was something else entirely.

I sat next to Drake and read the story. It was a quick read, and I didn’t feel bad for giving him so much individual attention, since Ada was so distracted.

When I finished the story, he wasn’t staring at the book, he was looking at my arm. I’d worn a short-sleeved shirt that exposed my left arm, and full sleeve of tattoos.

“Why are there pictures on your skin?” he said, running his finger up and down my arm.

“You see that picture on the wall?” I pointed up to a lovely watercolor print of Peter Rabbit that had been donated to the library a few years ago from a collector of Beatrix Potter art.

“Uh huh,” Drake nodded.

“Well, some people like to put pictures and words on the wall. I like to put them on my skin so I don’t forget them, and I can look at them all the time.” I’d explained my tattoos to curious children before, and some parents had definitely complained about them. Madeline had told them that if they had a problem with it, they could buy their books on Amazon, because I was a damn good librarian and my tattoos had nothing to do with my ability to do my job. Or rather, she’d said it in a more professional and diplomatic way. The kind of people who had a problem with my tattoos were the same kind of people who wanted to ban In the Night Kitchen for having an illustration of a little boy’s butt. Prudes, the lot of them.

“They pretty,” Drake said, tracing the section of my tattoo that had an illustration from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Nearly all of my tattoos were literary inspired. Some were quotes, some illustrations, some symbols, including The Deathly Hallows on the back of my neck, and quote marks on my shoulder blades. I’d lost count of how many tattoos I had, but I still had some skin left here and there.

“Thank you, Drake.” I thought about asking him if his daddy had any tattoos, but that would be inappropriate. Right? That information hadn’t been part of the dossier.

Eventually I had to go tend to other patrons, but Drake followed me like a little duckling in a suit. For the next half-hour, he was my helper, carrying a few books as I showed him how to re-shelve them and talked about how all the books’ titles were stored in the computer. He listened with rapt attention, his eyes wide as if I was telling him the most fascinating story ever. Ada finally stopped messing with her phone and started doing her damn job and watched Drake, admonishing him for every little thing.

It wasn’t my job to raise other people’s children, or to tell their nannies that they were being bitches, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to. So much that I had to grit my teeth and choke back a lot of words I wanted to say, some of which were of the four-letter variety.

“Drake, time to go,” Ada snapped, glancing down at her phone yet again to check the time.

Drake pouted and I could feel a meltdown coming on.

“It’s okay, Drake, you can come back and see me anytime. I’m not going anywhere,” I said, holding out my arms. “Okay?” His lower lip quivered and I held my breath. But then he nodded and threw himself at me and gave me a big hug.

“Good boy.” I let him go and my heart sank a tiny bit, because a part of me hoped I’d get to see his father again, but it didn’t seem like it was meant to be today.

“Drake, come,” Ada said, holding her hand out. Drake made a face at me and then took her hand as she dragged him out the door. Poor kid.

I spent my afternoon alternately trying to stay awake, trying stop thinking about Drake (and by extension, Declan), and trying to figure out a way to fix our story. I managed to stay awake, but couldn’t fix the story, or keep the Bennet men out of my mind.

The phone at the desk rang about five minutes before closing, and I dashed all the way across the room to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. So I think I figured it out. We need to go back to the scene when they’re at the restaurant. They should totally get it on in the bathroom. Or something. Except we’ve already done the bathroom sex. Where else in a restaurant could they have sex . . .?” Raine trailed off. She’d had a half-day at the bank, so she’d been in writing mode for most of the afternoon.

“Raine. I’ll be home in less than an hour. We can talk about it then.”

She’d still been muttering to herself, but she finally stopped.

“Oh, yeah. Right. I was just on a roll. My bad. Anyway. Oh, I ordered out already. Peanut chicken with snow peas and rice. Oh, and I got a dozen donuts from the bakery as well.” I never really wondered why I wasn’t a smaller size. Being big-boned and eating whatever I wanted, along with a sedentary job pretty much explained it.

“Okie doke, I’ll be home soon,” I said and hung up before she could launch into something else.

But then my cell phone rang.

“Did you see Declan today?” she said by way of a greeting.

“No, I did not,” I said, gathering up my things as I walked toward the back door.

“What? That’s strange.” I could picture her furrowing her brow.

“Why is that strange?” I fiddled with my keys to lock the back door and headed toward my car. The night was steamy, and I my hair instantly started curling again after being inside in the dry air of the library all day.

“Because I could have sworn they told me he was picking up his son at the library when I called his office today.”

“You did WHAT?!”

I couldn’t get home fast enough to strangle Raine.

“What have I told you about meddling?” I said as I slammed the door. She just blinked up at me from her computer, as if coming out of a trance.

“That I should stop doing it. But I never listen to you. Sometimes you need me to meddle or else you would never do certain things that you need to do. Whose idea was it to write in the first place?”

I dropped my bag by the door with a thud.

“Mine. It was my idea.”

Raine shook her head, but then thought about it.

“Oh, right. Never mind. But still. My meddling is good for you.”

I was too tired to do this right now, so I went to my room to change into my writing attire. I needed some caffeine, stat.

I was finally so hopped up on caffeine, I was practically vibrating, and my hands kept jumping on the computer keys.

“Why in the hell did you call his office, Raine?” The dossier had outlined his entire employment and educational history. Right now Declan was a financial advisor at a huge firm in the city, and he was also getting his MBA from an Ivy League college. Granted, he had family connections (his father was one of the directors of the investment firm), but his grades were impeccable and he’d accomplished a lot on his own, especially with having a child and the divorce and everything.

Declan was impressive and intimidating and even more attractive now that I knew all this inside information. Raine had found so much that I still hadn’t absorbed it all.

“I called because I wanted to chat with his subordinates and see what kind of a guy he is to work with. I can look up all the information I want, but until I actually talk to people who know him, I can’t prove anything about his character. Oh, and his background check came up clean. Except for a few speeding tickets in his younger days. Boys will be boys and all that.” I looked up from the blinking cursor on my screen.

“I hate that phrase. It’s just an excuse for boys to be dicks and explain their way out of it,” I said.

“Whatever,” her hands went back to picking at the keys. I knew her well enough to know she wasn’t actually writing. Just pretending to.

“Look, I love you. You know that. And I love that you care, but sometimes, you take things too far. Can you at least admit that?”

She narrowed her eyes over the screen of her laptop.

“Maybe.”

“Raine.”

“Okay, fine. Sometimes I go too far. But it’s because I care, Walt. I care.” I knew she did. Raine would never do anything with malicious intent.

“Plus, if you do decide to go out with him, now we know he’s not a bad guy. And I saved you from having to do all that getting-to-know-you crap you have to get through on the first date. Because you already know how much he makes, and about his ex-wife and everything. No surprises.” I really shouldn’t have read that dossier and let myself get swept up in Raine’s crazy. It was hard not to when we lived and worked in such close quarters.

I just shook my head and dipped into the container of peanut chicken.

“If we kill ourselves, we won’t have to finish this book,” Raine said a few hours later. I was still staring at the blinking cursor and had written and then deleted more words than I could count. None of them felt right. We’d gone back and deleted more words, so we were basically back where we started a few days ago.

“Maybe we need to take a break. Want to go for a walk?” We had all sorts of ways to get rid of writer’s block. Driving, watching a movie, reading something, taking a walk, cooking and taking a bath (not at the same time, obviously). It was the middle of the night, but we both had pepper spray and had taken self-defense classes.

“Sounds good.” After stumbling around a little bit to get the circulation going in our extremities, we put our flip flops on and trudged down the stairs. My legs protested at the exercise.

The air outside was so warm, it was like walking through dragon breath. Sweat instantly coated my skin and I knew I was going to need a shower when we got back.

“Jeebus, it’s hot out here,” Raine said, pulling her shirt away from her skin. “We should have stayed inside with the air conditioning.” That had been another one of our purchases with book money. Raine hated being hot, so even though we lived in New England and it rarely got unbearably hot, we had an air conditioning system.

We started down the sidewalk, both of us lost in our own thoughts.

“You should really go out with this guy, Walt. It would solve so many of our problems. Plus, you’d get laid!” Okay, so that was definitely an incentive. It had been a little while. No, a lot of a while. It also had for Raine.

“If you’re so eager, why don’t you date him?”

“Because I’m not his type.” What the hell was she talking about? Included in the dossier had been a picture of the ex-wife. She had a tiny waist, and light blonde hair, just like Raine. Vanessa had a lot more in common (looks wise) with Raine than she did with me. And, from what I could tell, Vanessa was tattoo-free.

A car passed by, slowing down and giving us the once over. Maybe they thought we were hookers, but on closer inspection, saw that we were wearing yoga pants and no makeup, so they sped away.

Besides, this was a pretty nice neighborhood and any activity like that would take place in the seedier parts of the city, miles away.

“I hate to be the one to say this, but you and his ex-wife are the same height and you both have blonde ombre hair. And you’re much prettier, obviously,” I hastily added at the end, because she was glaring daggers at me.

“Yes. And she is no longer his wife. Do you really think he’s going to go for a girl who looks like the woman who abandoned their child and broke his heart? Yeah, I don’t think so. No, he’s going to go for something new, and sexy, and studies have shown that men prefer curvy women.”

I scoffed at that.

This late at night the streets were quiet and most of the light came from the yellow glow of streetlamps overhead.

“Then why are magazines full of skinny bitches?”

Raine rolled her eyes and pivoted around and started walking back the way we’d come. I paused before I followed her.

“That’s something else entirely. And it’s changing. But you’re trying to change the subject. This could work, Blair. I saw how you looked when you talked about him. You had that glow.” I didn’t have a glow. There was no glow. I was glow-less.

“No, Raine. I’m not doing it. If it happens organically, then it happens. But I’m not going to get into some crazy fake relationship with this guy. It wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“But he’d never have to know! That’s the beauty of having a pen name.” I shook my head again and we kept walking. Raine sensed my reluctance to talk about the subject further, so she told me about a funny customer at the bank. In addition to providing amusing anecdotes, her job provided us an endless database of names.

We walked until we couldn’t stand the heat anymore, and then retreated to the comfort of our air-conditioned apartment.

I checked my phone for messages during lunch a few days after our middle-of-the-night walk and saw Marilyn was getting antsy via a forwarded message from our agent.

I called Raine right away. We both took our lunch breaks at the same time, so we could contact each other about ideas, or writing, etc. She worked in the city, so it was too far to drive to come and eat with me, which would have been ideal.

“Have you seen that email from Hugh?” I said. She sighed and the sound echoed.

“Wait, are you in the bathroom?” I asked.

“Uh, no. No, I’m not.” She definitely was. Granted, the bathroom at her branch was lovely, and even had fresh flowers in it. But still.

“Whatever. Not important. Hugh is getting restless. We have got to do something, Raine. At the rate we’re going, we’re going to have to write, like, ten thousand words a day to get this thing done. I’m starting to freak out a little.” Normally Raine was the one that liked to freak out, and I kept a cool head, but I was tired, and I was out of ideas and I didn’t have any solutions. Other than Raine’s insane idea.

“Well, I can’t help you right now. We’re dealing with some stuff here.” She sighed and I could tell she wasn’t happy.

“What kind of stuff?”

“You know I can’t tell you because I’d have to kill you,” she said, but I just rolled my eyes.

“Raine.”

“Okay, fine. One of the employees was caught setting up fake loans and using the money to buy drugs. The cops just arrested him, so we’re doing damage control here and I sense a lot of meetings coming up. We’ve got one this afternoon. And once it goes public, we’re going to have to deal with all the customers. Just freaking kill me.”

“No, I like you. I don’t want to kill you. Even though I could. And make it look like an accident.” She laughed.

“True. We both could. One of these days our search history is going to tip off the NSA and then we’re going to be in trouble.” It was a valid worry for a writer. Often, we had to research things like hiding a body, or which poisons were tasteless, or how to make a fake ID. We’d looked up all of those things at one time or another.

“Listen, I have to get back to work. We’ll talk tonight. Don’t forget, we’ve written a lot of books and haven’t failed yet. Just tell Hugh that we’re working on it and we’ll have pages for him soon. And throw in a smiley face. And you might want to send him one of those Edible Arrangements. You know how much he loves those,” Raine said. She was right, he did love those. But we had a tendency to send them when we were getting behind and wanted him to extend our deadline. We might have to think of a different tactic.

I spent the rest of the day in a bad mood, and it wasn’t helped any when a kid ended up puking in the reading corner, all over a stack of brand new books.

Madeline saw that I was frazzled, so she helped me clean up the area and dispose of the books.

“Do we have it in the budget to replace them?” I asked as we tried to air the puke smell out of the room.

She nodded.

“Sure, we’ve got a little bit in the emergency fund and I think this qualifies. Plus, the capitol campaign is starting in another month, so we should be able to squeak by until then.” The upside of a library was that you could borrow the books for free. Downside was that books still cost money, and we didn’t charge anyone for them. So we had to rely on donations and fundraisers and dwindling money from the government. Plus, with the advent of ebooks, fewer people seemed to want to deal with physical books. Some heralded it as the death knell for libraries, but those people just made me want to laugh. Libraries weren’t going anywhere.

“Good,” I said, writing down the titles so I could replace them before rubbing the bridge of my nose. I could feel another tension headache coming on. One of the many joys of deadline time.

“You still tired, Blair? Are you sure you’re not getting sick? I’m a little worried about you.” She leaned against the desk and fixed me with her stare. Lesser mortals had withered under her scrutiny, but I was used to it.

“Oh, I’ve just been suffering from insomnia lately.”

“Have you tried tea?” I nodded.

“Yeah, I just need to get things in order. They’ll calm down soon.” God, I hoped so. If we could just make a breakthrough with this one scene we were working on, then the rest of the story would fall into place.

“Okay, well let me know if you need a few days off. It’s been a while since you took a vacation, and we all need some time every now and then.” She patted my shoulder and I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

“Thanks, Madeline. I’ll be fine.” I’d gone through this before, but I’d been better at hiding it, I guess. Maybe I would have to start doing those energy shots, even though they were so bad for you.

She gave me a severe look before she went back out front.

Resting my head on the desk, I resisted the urge to scream.

“Having a rough day?” A sexy British voice said. I inhaled for a moment before I raised my head. Nope, not a hallucination. He was there. Wearing a suit with a silky black tie, his hair slicked back and a smile on his face. It was the smile of a man who knew a lot more than he’d let on about. A smile of secrets and naughty things whispered in your ear.

I roused myself and hoped I didn’t have any makeup smeared on my face. What a great day for him to see me again. When I was tired and looked like crap.

“Um, yes. I mean, no. I mean, I wasn’t sleeping or anything.” Great. That was exactly what I wanted to say. My brain was in so much pain right now.

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” he said, leaning close and giving me a conspiratorial wink. God save me from British men in suits who wink at me.

I laughed a little breathlessly and stumbled as I got to my feet.

“Are you here by yourself?” I asked and then mentally chastised myself for asking such a ridiculous question.

“No, Drake is in the lavatory with Ada.” Oh my God, he even made the bathroom sound sexy.

“Oh,” I said, unsure of the proper response. What did I do now? How should I proceed? My thoughts were foggy and wouldn’t settle on one course of action.

“I apologize, am I disturbing you?” If he’d come twenty minutes from now, yes, the place would have been crowded with younglings and their parents trying to corral them for story time. But he always seemed to come when the library was having a lull. I wondered if he planned it that way, or if it was fate.

“No, not at all. And I wasn’t sleeping. I’ve just been busy lately.” Why was I giving him an explanation? Shut up, Blair!

“Busy doing what?” I needed something to do other that stare at him, so I walked around the check-out desk and started fiddling with the cart of books I had to re-shelve.

“Oh, things,” I said, squinting and looking at the titles of the books.

“Ah, I see.” Great, now he was going to think I was totally boring. “You must be busy with your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I said automatically. Why, oh why, did I keep saying the first thing that came to my head?

My cheeks flamed and I kept staring at the books, but I felt him shift behind me.

“Interesting,” he said quietly to himself. And then something crashed into the back of my legs and I nearly bit my tongue in half.

I looked down into a pair of huge blue eyes.

“Hi, Blair,” Drake said, his little arms clutched around my legs.

“Hi, Drake. How are you today?” His answer was cut off by his father leaning down and saying something in his ear. Drake made a face and then let go of me and clasped his hands behind his back.

“I am well,” he said slowly, as if he’d practiced. His adorableness was overwhelming.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that.”

Ada appeared at Declan’s shoulder and gave me her trademark scowl. What had I ever done to this woman? I really didn’t get it. But if she wanted to be a bitch to me, I was going to act like it didn’t bother me. Because it didn’t.

“I have been remiss on introducing myself and I wanted to remedy that. I’m Declan Bennet,” Declan said, holding out his hand.

“Nice to finally make your acquaintance, Declan,” I said, loving the way his name tasted in my mouth. I shook his hand and was relieved when he gave me a good grip, but not too hard. He wasn’t trying to prove anything, or treat me as an inferior female. I approved of that handshake.

“Shake my hand!” Drake said, jumping up and down so we’d pay attention to him. I crouched down and gave him a good handshake.

“Daddy taught me how to handshake,” he said seriously.

“I bet he did. Your daddy has a perfect handshake,” I said, not looking at Declan when I said it.

When I rose to my feet, Declan was speaking softly to Ada. She’d dropped her bitch face like a bad habit and leaned into him, resting her hand on his shoulder. Her fingers fluttered on the material of his jacket. Yup, she had it bad for her boss. Wonder if they were doing it.

His face was impassive, but that didn’t mean anything. He wouldn’t be the first guy to sleep with his hot nanny. Wouldn’t be the last, either.

“Drake, come,” Ada said, holding her hand out for Drake. He gave his dad a look of defiance but Declan gave him a stern look back and Drake complied, dragging his feet the whole way. Ada marched him over to the reading corner and made him sit on a beanbag. What was that about?

“Sorry about that,” Declan said. What was he apologizing for?

“Oh, it’s fine,” I said automatically. I went back to the books, but a hand reached around me and plucked one of the books off the cart.

“Drake’s adorable,” I said to fill the silence. Declan seemed much more comfortable with it than I.

“Thank you. I can’t say I’m entirely responsible for it, but thank you.” He flipped the pages of the book at random.

“It must be hard, raising him on your own.” His eyes flew up from the book and stared at me. Shit. I wasn’t supposed to know that. Why did I read that dossier?

“I mean, I’ve never heard him talk about his mother and I’ve never seen her with him, so I just made that conclusion. I’m sorry, that’s none of my business.” I started pushing the cart so I could escape before anymore words came out of my mouth.

“No, I do raise him on my own. That wasn’t a bad conclusion to draw. It’s difficult, but I manage. Ada watches him and in another few years, he’ll be in school and he’ll be someone else’s problem during the day.” He grinned as he said the last part. “I love him, but he can be a bit of work.”

“I can see that you love him. That’s obvious.” This felt like an intimate conversation, so I kept my eyes on the books. Declan moved closer to me, setting the book he’d been holding back on the cart.

“Well, we should probably be going. Drake is overdue for his nap and if he stays up all night again, I might strangle the lad.” Damn, he was so delightfully British.

“Okay, well, I should get back to work. It’s story time in a little while, so I have to mentally prepare myself for an epic battle of who gets to turn the page. There may be casualties.” Why? Why was I saying stupid things?

Declan cracked a smile and leaned against the bookshelf.

“But you love your job.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah, I do. I wouldn’t want to do anything else.” Well, besides writing smut, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

He’d said he needed to go, but he hadn’t made any move to do so. The space between the shelves seemed to decrease, as if the shelves were pressing in on us. I fingered the spines of the books, waiting for him to say something.

Drake to the rescue again. He crashed into Declan’s legs, chattering about something or other. Like most little kids, Drake still had the tendency to slur his words together when he was excited, like a little drunk person. At least Declan could make sense of them.

“And that is my cue to make an exit. I hope to see you again, Blair,” Declan said as Drake dragged at his father’s arm.

“I’ll be here. With the books,” I said, pointing at the shelves.

“Bye-bye, Blair!” Drake yelled and then Declan gave me a smile as he let his son drag him away.

I leaned against the shelves for support and closed my eyes.

That man did things to me.

“Blair. His signals couldn’t be more clear. He wants you. He wants to take his penis and put it inside you and go in and out and in and out—” I clapped my hand over her mouth to make her stop. Not that I was against that particular fantasy, but I’d rather have it alone in the privacy of my bedroom than sitting across from Raine at our shared (and currently disgusting) desk.

Raine bit down on my finger and I yelped and withdrew my hand.

“This is the perfect opportunity and you’re throwing it away. This is why you’re single. Opportunity is knocking at your fucking door and you’re hiding under the bed.” I wiped my hand on my pants and sat back down in my desk chair.

“He didn’t ask me out.”

“Well, maybe he’s shy. Or maybe you were giving off bad signals. You do that sometimes. I blame it on the tattoos. You feel like you have to be a badass bitch to pull them off or something. The attitude to match the ink.” I had no idea what the crap she was talking about.

“Raine. I am going to strangle you in your sleep if you don’t shut up. God, you have a one-track mind.” This could be a good thing when we needed to focus on something, but a bad thing when whatever the topic she got fixated on irritated the daylights out of me.

“Yeah, I’m the stubborn one. Whatever, Walt. I’m right, you’re wrong and you just don’t want to admit it. You’re also sabotaging your own happiness. This guy could be the one. He could be the Darcy to your Elizabeth, the Harry to your Ginny, the Peeta to your Katniss, the Four to your Tris, the—” I had to shut her down again.

“You’re wasting time. We need to get back to work or else the publishers are going to sue us and then we’ll be out on the street and I don’t want to have to sell my body to make money, okay?” I said, going back to my computer screen, which was blank. Still. Blank.

“So stubborn,” Raine muttered under her breath. I kicked her under the desk.

We both fell asleep on our keyboards that night and woke that morning to the blare of my cell phone.

“Fuck!” Raine yelled, peeling her face off her keyboard, leaving its imprint on her cheek. It would have been funny, but I was too busy groping around for my shrilling phone.

“Fuck,” I said, when I saw the number and also what time it was.

“Hello?” It was Madeline, asking where the hell I was because the library had opened fifteen minutes ago and there was no one to man the children’s room.

“Yup, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I said, and I could picture her face, her eyes narrowed to laser sharpness. I was going to get a tongue-lashing, that was for sure.

I stumbled around the apartment, trying to brush my hair and change my clothes at the same time. Raine was doing her own hurry dance, brushing her teeth and trying to put on mascara simultaneously. Highly dangerous.

Ten minutes later, I was somewhat awake and nursing a travel mug of extra black coffee as I peeled out of the parking lot next to our apartment and into the street, gunning the engine.

Sure, it wasn’t an emergency, and would be a waste if I ended up killing myself on the way to work, but I felt horrible for oversleeping. It hadn’t done me any good to stay up most of the night because we’d barely gotten anything done. I’d spent most of the time Googling things “for research purposes”. Spoiler alert: When you’re a writer, ANYTHING can be called “research.”

Madeline was waiting for me at the desk in the children’s room, her arms crossed and her expression blank. I started to launch into my apologies, but she held her hand up.

“I don’t want to hear it. I just want to know what’s going on with you. You’re going to sit here and you’re going to tell me about it, right now. I’m not going to fire you, because you’re damn good at your job, but this has got to stop. You’re not just an employee, you’re like one of my family members, and I’m very concerned, Blair. Very concerned.”

I knew how it looked. She probably thought I was on drugs, or moonlighting as a hooker or something. Now I had to decide: keep lying or tell her the truth and run the risk of losing my job on top of everything else.

I chewed on my lip and looked around. The library had been open for less than an hour and there weren’t any patrons in the children’s room yet, but they would be soon. Most of them were pretty predictable in their library-visiting habits.

“Okay, okay. But you have to promise me that you can’t fire me.”

Madeline’s eyes narrowed further.

“I can’t promise you that, Blair. Especially if it’s something illegal.”

“It’s not!” I rushed to say. “It’s not illegal at all.”

Madeline waved her hand for me to elaborate.

“I don’t really want it public knowledge, for a lot of reasons, but, um, my roommate and I are Scarlet Rose.”

Madeline sat for a moment, absorbing.

“The romance writer?”

“Yes. It’s me and my best friend writing under a pen name. We just didn’t want people to know.” Madeline stared at me for a long time and I had no idea what she was thinking. My stressful morning had just gotten a lot more stressful.

Madeline sighed and sat down on the edge of the check-out desk, swinging her legs back and forth.

She looked up at the ceiling and then she started laughing. Madeline’s laugh was rare, but it was a full, rich sound.

“That explains so much,” she said, hopping off the desk and patting me on the shoulder. “And I’m a little upset I didn’t see it. Those books are so you.”

“You’ve read them?” My voice came out as a squeak. This was not how I’d planned it. I’d expected shock followed by her shaking her head and making a tsk-ing sound before telling me that I was fired for being a disgraceful smut peddler.

“Of course, they’re really hot right now. I try to read the bestsellers as much as I can.” She smiled and laughed softly. “I always wonder about pen names. About who the real people are behind them and why they choose to write under another name. Huh.” She seemed lost in thought.

“So you’re okay with it?” I finally asked.

“Oh, yes, of course. Why would I be against it? In fact, would you be willing to do a talk about being a writer? Goodness, you’d be the most famous author we’ve had here aside from that guy who wrote the book about the cat that lived in the subway tunnel.”

Whoa, we needed to back this runaway train back into the station.

“Uh, no, I’m sorry. Raine and I want to keep our anonymity. For now at least, but if that changes, I’ll let you know.” She gave me a big smile.

“Thank you for finally telling me, Blair. I really appreciate it. Just, in the future, try to get some more sleep? We need you here.” She patted my shoulder and marched back to the front desk. I collapsed in my chair, totally relieved and still exhausted.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like some sweet tea?” my grandmother asked for the fifth time since I’d walked in the door. Gran’s house was a few minutes away from my apartment, but it seemed like another universe. The place was decorated with her impeccable style and would have been an antique dealer’s wet dream. She’d lived alone since the death of my grandfather a few years ago, and only needed minimal help from time to time.

“No, thank you. I’m fine.” She gave me a searching look. Apparently, if I didn’t want sweet tea, there was something terribly wrong with me.

“Don’t put your elbows on the table, dear,” she said, her voice just as sweet as could be, but with an undertone of cold steel. Fanny Walton was eighty-four, but didn’t look a day over seventy. Her hair was pure white, but still as thick as ever, and swept up in silver clips.

“So, how is your job going?” she asked, sipping daintily at her glass of tea. My grandmother could turn eating and drinking into a dance. A ballet of decorum and grace. It was a lot to live up to, so I hadn’t bothered to try.

“Work is going well. I love my job,” I said, tugging on the sleeves of the cardigan I’d donned to hide most of the tattoos on my arms. I also had a long skirt and tights on to hide the rest.

“Do you meet a lot of young men there? I don’t imagine you do.” She pursed her lips in disapproval. I might only be twenty-three, but according to her, I was nearing my expiration date and if I didn’t nail down a fellow ASAP, my eggs would die unfertilized and I’d be left all alone. A spinster. There could be nothing worse on the face of the planet.

“Uh, not really. Most of them are dads who are already married.” With the exception of Declan, but I was not going to tell her about him. I didn’t want to get her hopes up because she’d go from meet to marriage in ten seconds flat.

“And you’re still living with . . . oh, what is her name?” My grandmother’s mind was sharp as ever. She hadn’t forgotten Raine’s name. She just disapproved of me living with her.

“Raine. Yes, we’re still living together.” The lips pursed again and I stared down at my little plate of tea cookies. Having your parents disapprove of you was one thing, but your grandmother? Ten thousand times worse. I should be used to it by now, but it still hit me like an ice-cold punch to the gut.

“People talk, you know.”

“About what?” I asked.

“About two women living together.” Oh for the love of hoop skirts. This again?

“Gran, I don’t really care if people think I’m a lesbian. It’s none of their business, even if I was. And what if I had a male roommate? What would people say about that?” I snatched the last cookie from my plate and chomped down on it. The cookies were really the only things that were pleasant about this experience. The things we do for family and amazing cookies.

Gran made a strangled noise and I knew I’d gone too far.

“I should probably be going. I have, um, some laundry to do.” It was a terrible excuse, but I couldn’t tell her that I had smut to write.

I rose from the table as she’d taught me and went to kiss her proffered cheek.

“It was nice to see you, dear. Come and see me next week.”

“Yes, Gran.”

She reached up and held my chin. That woman had a grip like Chuck Norris.

“Behave. And don’t turn down a decent man who asks you on a date. And don’t make sassy comments. You’re a lady. Act like one.” She patted my cheek and gave me a sweet smile.

“Yes, Gran,” I repeated and gave her another kiss on her cheek, and a quick hug. Her shoulders were frail, but she still had perfect posture.

I glanced back at her as I walked through the house to the front door. We always took our Sunday afternoon tea in the sun room. She sat in her chair, staring out at the view of her garden, where birds and butterflies flitted about and a squirrel tried to infiltrate the birdfeeder. Gran lived alone, but I never got the sense that she was lonely. After all, she’d been married to my grandfather since she was sixteen years old. It might be nice to have some peace and quiet at this time in her life.

Closing the door softly behind me, I chastised myself for snarking at her. She’d had her values for much longer than I’d been alive and she sure as hell wasn’t going to change them now just because I wanted her to.

I stripped off my cardigan as soon as I got in the car. I’d left the windows up and the interior was stifling. I checked my phone and found two missed texts from Raine. I always left my phone in my car when I visited Gran, out of respect.

Is there a better word for thrust? was the first message. The second was completely unrelated.

Why can’t I ever learn the difference between lay and lie?

Shaking my head, I set my phone down and turned my car on to head home.

“We suck. We’re terrible. Why did we ever decide that we could write books?” Raine moaned. We’d gotten to the point in our process where we doubted whether we could complete a book at all. Otherwise known as Panic Mode. We usually took turns freaking out until we somehow got through it and eventually finished the book. But it was looking pretty grim right now.

“Dixon is being such an asshole right now,” I said, referencing our male love interest. It had been Raine’s turn to name the hero, and she loved The Walking Dead, so that was what we ended up with.

“What’s he doing?” Raine asked.

“He’s not talking to me.”

“Grab him by the nuts and twist.” I glared at her over my laptop. To us, our characters were real, living, breathing people that sometimes didn’t cooperate. There was a famous quote that being a write was an acceptable form of schizophrenia. It was absolutely true. The voices never stopped, except when they were being jerks.

“Well, have them start making out.” Our solution to plot problems was usually to have the two characters kiss, to kill someone, or to blow something up. None of those were going to work for this scene.

Our girl, Sylvia, wasn’t being much better.

Rubbing my eyes, I sat back in my chair.

“I think we need to take another break. Get out and do something,” I said.

Raine rubbed her eyes as well and stood up to stretch.

“Angie called me the other day asking if we wanted to do dinner or something.” I stood up and my knees buckled for a moment before I was able to stand. Yeah, sitting all the time was definitely going to kill me.

“Who’s Angie?” I said.

“Angie, our friend from college that we only see when we’re not on deadline? Tall, photographer? Ring any bells?” I gave her a look. Of course I remembered. I was just messing with her. Since we started writing, our social life had shrunk. We rarely had time to go out and socialize, and many of our friends had just stopped calling. But Angie was a hardcore friend and hadn’t abandoned us. Yet. She was also one of the only people who knew about our secret career and respected our writing time.

“Yeah, it would be good to see her. Do something normal. God, I could use a drink so bad right now.” My mouth watered at the thought of a lemon drop martini from our favorite local drinking establishment.

“Me too. And maybe while we’re out, we’ll get inspired. You know what they say about writing drunk and editing sober. We should definitely test that theory.” Raine messaged Angie back and before I knew it, I was putting on a pair of my favorite jeans (dark wash, skinny), silver ballet flats and a red top with lace in the back that showed off my tattoos. I paired it with red lipstick and black stud earrings that were shaped like skulls.

Raine went cuter, with a bubblegum pink dress and white wedge heels.

“We clean up nice, don’t we?” she said as we applied our makeup in the long bathroom mirror.

“Yeah, we’re the hottest romance novelists I know,” I said, pouting my lips at her.

“Suck it, Nora Roberts,” Raine said, adjusting her bra.

“Well, look who it is,” Angie said, getting up from the bar where she’d been flirting with Blue, the bartender. Blue worked out a little bit and it showed. He also had such dark eyes that his pupils and irises blended together and making contact with them was unnerving.

We both dashed over to give her hugs, and Raine had to practically jump to accomplish the feat.

Angie and I were often mistaken for sisters, but only because we both had brown hair and lots of tattoos. In fact, I’d met her because we’d both been getting work done at the same time and we’d struck up a conversation to distract ourselves. Turned out we went to the same college and were graduating the same year.

I’d introduced her to Raine, and we’d formed a fast and close friendship.

“So, how’s the book going?” she said after we’d ordered our first round of drinks.

“Shh, not so loud,” Raine said, looking around the bar as if, at any moment, we were going to be arrested for being authors.

“It’s going,” I said, which was our patented response whenever someone asked.

“Uh oh, that doesn’t sound good.” She sipped her Jack and ginger and winked at Blue. They had an off-again, on-again . . . thing. Angie didn’t explain it and Raine and I didn’t ask.

“We’re strapped for ideas and someone doesn’t want to do what we need to do to get the damn book done,” Raine said, jabbing her finger in my direction.

“I’m someone,” I said, raising my hand. “And Raine isn’t telling the story right. What she wants me to do is go out with a guy and sleep with him multiple times and then tell her all the dirty details so we can use it for book material.” Even Angie raised her eyebrows at that.

Raine made a sound of frustration.

“You’re the one that’s not telling it right. I want her to go out with a guy, who is interested in her, by the way. I’m a horrible friend that wants her to go out with a good-looking, rich, British guy and then maybe tell me about it afterwards. That’s all. I don’t think that’s crazy.” Angie looked from me to Raine and back.

“Well, if he’s rich and British, I’d say go for it. You can’t beat that combination. And if he’s good-looking to boot? Add hell to the yes.” Angie and Raine clinked their martini glasses together and then drained them.

“Barkeep, another round!” Angie said, pounding her fist on the wooden bar top.

“Don’t make me regret this,” Blue said, handing over two fresh drinks.

“Baby, I’ll make you regret you were ever born,” Angie said, grabbing his shirt and pulling his face close, as if to kiss him, but she pushed him back at the last second.

“Goddamn it, Ang.” He shook his head at her and went to deal with another customer. Angie just laughed and tipped her glass in his direction.

“Ah, I’m going to marry him someday.” She stared at his back for a moment and shifted her attention back to me and Raine.

“So, what are you going to do about the British hottie? One night stand? Relationship? What are you thinking?” Angie said. I downed the rest of my drink and Angie signaled for another. Blue came back over and fixed my drink, to the chagrin of several other people waiting. He just gave them a look and they shut up.

“I’m not thinking anything because nothing is happening.”

“Oh my God!” Raine yelled, making me nearly drop my drink mid-sip.

“Jesus, Raine. What is your deal?” I said, setting my drink down and wiping my hand where it had sloshed over the rim.

“I just realized who Declan reminds me of. Draco Malfoy. You know, obviously not evil, but seriously, Blair. He’s the spitting image of Draco Malfoy.”

“That is completely . . .” I thought about it. “Oh my God.”

“Are you two going to be okay?” Angie asked. She liked a book here and there, especially one with lots of sex in it, but she didn’t read much other than that.

“He does not look like Draco Malfoy,” I said, adamant.

“Yeah, he does. Not the guy who played him in the movie, but how I imagined him in my head.” She started cackling and I was half-tempted to shove her off her barstool.

“What is she going on about?” Angie said.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Raine finally stopped laughing and we changed the subject, asking Angie about how her photography and graphic design business was going. She’d just started doing boudoir sessions to earn extra money and regaled us with tales of women posing in lingerie and with various objects.

“For real. This woman wanted to pose with a machine gun. I shot that down,” she said, giggling. “And don’t get me started on the woman whose husband was a trucker, so she wanted to pose draped over a huge tire. Talk about sexy.”

We all laughed and had a pleasant evening. It was nice to not think about writing for a little while, even though it was always in the back of my mind. A writer’s work was never done.

I cut myself off after three drinks, but I was still a little sloshed by the time Raine and I called a cab to take us home. Angie gave us both hugs, and since she was also intoxicated, sloppy kisses on the cheek. There were promises that we would do this again soon, but if Raine and I didn’t make a breakthrough with the book, then we wouldn’t be going anywhere.

“Why won’t you go out with the British hottie?” Raine asked me as she rested her head on my shoulder and petted my hair.

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Is it because he looks like Draco Malfoy and he’s evil?”

“No,” I snapped. “Definitely not.”

“You’re such a liar.”

Sunday was used up by recovering from Saturday night, doing laundry and procrastinating on writing. When it came to procrastinating, Raine and I were masters.

“Are you ironing your underwear?” I said, walking into our tiny laundry room to find Raine laying out her panties and steaming them with the iron.

“No. Yes. Maybe.”

She gave me a guilty look. Raine couldn’t hide her emotions if her life depended on it.

“Oh my God, we are at DEFCON 1. This has got to change. We have to do something.” I tore my fingers through my hair. “Maybe we should send Hugh what we have and he can give us some ideas.” That was a last resort, because it would be showing him just how much we didn’t have done.

“It would change if you would just fuck the hot British guy!” she shrieked. Uh oh. Raine had snapped. This always happened at least once during the writing of each book. Sometimes twice.

“Raine. That is not the solution. We just need to write. Just write. It’s not that hard. Words on screen.” She turned the iron off and stormed past me.

“We’ve been working our asses off and nothing is working and I’m scared shitless. What if we can’t finish this book and then we can never write another book? I can’t spend the rest of my life as a bank teller. I won’t! I won’t do it!” The combination of deadline pressure and lack of sleep had finally cracked Raine.

“Hey, hey, it’s going to be okay,” I said, approaching her slowly, as you would approach a wounded tiger, or a child throwing a tantrum.

“Would you just do this for me? Please?” Her voice cracked. I didn’t see what me going out with Declan really had to do with the book, but somehow Raine had connected those two things in her mind. If it would make her feel better, then I’d go on a damn date with the guy. I mean, if he’d even go out with me. Ada looked pretty cozy with him.

“Sure, Rainebow. I’ll ask him out. But no promises.”

I put my arms around her and she rested her head on my boobs. They made excellent pillows.

“I’m so tired. I don’t even remember how to sleep. I’m so tired.” Her eyes drooped and I wondered if she’d even remember this outburst tomorrow. She was also still a little hung over probably. Bad combination.

“Well, why don’t you go take a nap? Get some sleep and everything will look better after.” She nodded and let me take her to her bedroom and lay her down on the bed. Her eyes snapped shut and within moments she was breathing deeply and her face relaxed.

I tiptoed out and closed the door.

Raine woke a few hours later in a much better mood. I wouldn’t hesitate to call it giddy.

“What are you so happy about?” Just hours ago she’d been freaking the freak out and now she was sunshine and glitter.

“You’re going on a date,” she said, grinning at me across the desk. I rolled my eyes.

“I was kind of hoping you were sleep deprived enough to not remember that part.”

“Oh no, I remember everything.” She laughed to herself, at a joke only she understood.

“Did you freak out on purpose to get me to agree to ask him out?” Raine’s grin dropped and her face got serious.

“No, I would never do that. I can’t believe you’d accuse me of such a thing. That would be insane.” She’d been playing me the whole time. I got up from the desk and smacked her on the shoulder.

“You faked a breakdown? How could you do that to me?”

She rubbed her arm where I’d smacked her.

“Hey, tone down the violence. It was a last resort. I figured right about now is usually when I have my breakdown, so I just . . . hurried it along and faked it a little. Not that I’m not really freaking out about the book, but I would be less freaked if we had some source of new inspiration.”

“Then why don’t you go out and find some?” She was my best friend and closest confidante, but I swear, I was going to kill her.

“Well, there is this guy who comes into the bank, but I don’t know if he’d really be book material, if you know what I mean.” She gave me an exaggerated wink.

When it came to men, Raine still hadn’t recovered from the damage her high school/college boyfriend had done to her. It had been a fiasco, and I still remembered the days spent nursing her back to life after the relationship had ended. She’d been convinced he was the one. Until he wasn’t.

“Raine,” I said with a sigh, rubbing my temples. I could feel a migraine coming on and if I didn’t take something, it was going to knock me flat on my back and I wouldn’t be able to do anything tomorrow.

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay? I just think this would be a really good thing for you and for us. He seems like a great guy and I think you have a shot with him,” she said.

I looked down at her and my anger fizzled. Her heart was in the right place. Her methods might be extreme, but that was Raine for you.

“I will ask him out, but if he says no, it’s over.”

“He won’t say no.” She was so confident after digging through all his personal information.

“I write love stories for a living. I know the start of one when I see it, babe,” she said.

On Monday, I was nervous and jumpy at work, wondering if Declan would show up with Drake. This whole thing depended on them coming to the library. Sure, I had his phone number, and I could call him, but he didn’t know I had his number and explaining how I’d gotten it would be a challenge I didn’t think my lying skills could pass.

Sabrina was finally back from her two weeks in the Bahamas. Tan and bubbling with stories about snorkeling and having drinks on the beach with her husband. I was relieved to have her back so I could have a little breather and work on some of the projects that had been neglected in her absence, including planning events for the Summer Reading Program.

I was knee deep organizing files in the back room when Sabrina bounced in, her green eyes bright.

“There’s someone here to see you,” she said in a stage whisper. “I know I’m married, but lordy.” She fanned herself and I slowly rose from my position on the floor. I had a feeling who was here to see me, and that feeling was confirmed when I walked out of the office to find Declan standing there, sans Drake.

“Hi,” I said, my voice sounding high and scared. He was just a man. No need to lose my head. A sexy, sexy man whose voice made my loins ache and my insides turn to Jell-O .

“Good morning, Blair.” He had his hands behind his back. “I came today to ask if I could have the pleasure of your company tonight for dinner.” He presented what he’d been holding behind his back. A book.

I took it from him and read the embossed cover.

The Secret Garden.

“I considered bringing flowers, but this seemed more appropriate. And it won’t die.” I had to brace myself on the desk. He’d brought me flowers in book form. Excuse me while I die of the romanticalness of that.

“Oh,” I said out loud, unintentionally. I stared at the book and then back at his face. His blue eyes sucked me in and I could imagine spending hours just staring into their depths. He’s been waiting for an answer, you dolt.

“Yes,” I said, stuttering. His face broke into a brilliant smile, flashing teeth that were a dentist’s dream.

“Excellent. Here is my mobile number, just in case anything changes. How about I pick you up around seven?” I nodded stupidly as he handed me his card with the number scrawled on the back. Oh, I had to tell him where I lived. Right.

I gave him halting directions, praying he wouldn’t change his mind, and then he took his leave, giving me one last heart-stopping smile.

“Lord have mercy,” Sabrina said behind me, peeking out of the office. She must have heard the entire exchange.

“I know,” I said, sitting down with a thump. Well, at least now I didn’t have to ask him out. He’d beaten me to it.

But now I actually had to go out with him.

“He asked you out for tonight?” Sabrina said, leaning against the doorway of the office.

“Yeah. Is that weird? A Monday night date?” It could mean one of two things: Either he was so eager to go out with me, he didn’t want to wait; OR, he’d had plans that fell through and needed a backup. I very much wanted it to be the former and not the latter reason.

“That is one tall drink of UK water. He reminds me of someone, but I can’t think who,” Sabrina said, staring off into space.

“Draco Malfoy?” I suggested with a cringe.

She snapped her fingers.

“That’s it. He totally looks like Draco Malfoy. And hey, he’s British to boot. Let’s just hope he’s not evil.” Yeah, that would be good if he wasn’t evil.

“I’ve got my fingers crossed.”

Of course I had to call Raine as soon as I could to give her the details. She was over the moon and wouldn’t stop squealing in my ear.

“You’d think you were going out with him,” I said.

“Oh no, this one’s all you. And I can’t believe he brought you a book. That is just . . .” She sighed dreamily and I echoed her.

“I know.”

“We should totally use that in the book.”

“Raine.”

“What? This was the point of dating him, right? And it would work perfectly in that scene where Dixon is apologizing.” It definitely would, but I felt weird about using my own life in our books. We did, all the time, but this felt different. An invasion of privacy.

“Look, don’t put it in just yet. Let me go out with him first and then we can talk. So, I’m going to need your help tonight with dress choosing.” Raine was even better than a mirror.

“No need, I’ve already got one laid out for you, along with coordinating jewelry,” she said.

“Are you home right now?”

“Yeah, I called in. Again. I’ve been burning through my sick days like crazy, but I really felt like I needed to not go to work today.” I didn’t know how much longer Raine was going to last at her job. She was totally burned out and just hanging on until the first part of our advance for this book came through and then we could live off that for a while.

“You could just quit.” I could feel her shaking her head on the other end.

“Nah. I’ll stick it out, but we need to finish this damn book.” Tell me something I don’t know. “But you don’t need to worry about that. You just have to worry about your date tonight.” My eardrums were treated to another squeal.

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll see you later,” I said and hung up.

I was one part excited, one part terrified, and one part dying to see where Declan was going to take me.

“”You’re perfect,” Raine said, putting the last touches on my hair.. She’d gone for old Hollywood glam: silky black halter dress, red pumps, red lipstick and my hair done up like a pin-up girl. One thing was for sure, I felt sexy as hell.

“He won’t be able to say no to you,” she said, spraying my hair a little so it would stay. “Especially not with those on display.” She pointed to my boobs, which were loud and proud.

“Yeah, well, it’s hard to hide them,” I said, adjusting the top a little. Having big boobs wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. They got in the way, they were heavy and stretched out my shirts. Plus, boob sweat. Still, I was happy with my body and wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not even Raine’s cute figure.

“Why bother?”

“Why, indeed,” I said, giving her an air kiss so I didn’t ruin my lipstick. “What time is it?”

“Um, six forty-five.” He was going to be here soon. I had the feeling Declan was one of those five minutes early types. I smoothed my dress to quiet my restless fingers.

“You’re going to be fine. You always are.” Raine gave me a light hug so she wouldn’t muss my hair or my dress and skipped back into the living room. She was working on edits for the first part of the book, so she’d definitely be occupied tonight.

“Oh, and I put some condoms in your purse, just in case. Can’t rely on the man to do that shit. Even if he is Declan Bennet.” She said his name as if it belonged to a celebrity and deserved reverence.

“Blair Bennet. Oh my God, is that not perfect?” She said, sitting down in her chair and sipping her coffee. I paced around the room, my heels clicking on the floor in a staccato rhythm. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. Six fifty-five on the dot. I’d pegged him right.

“And that is my cue to run away,” Raine said, grabbing her coffee and scurrying to her room. I’d decided it was best that I didn’t introduce him to Raine right away. She had a tendency to overwhelm people at first, and I just wanted tonight to go smoothly. Being a first date and all.

I took a deep breath before I opened the door. It took every muscle in my face to keep my jaw from dropping open at the sight of him.

Resplendent in a black suit with a black shirt and silver tie, he was absolutely stunning.

“Good evening, Blair.” I loved the way he said my name with his accent.

“Good evening, Declan,” I said, feeling quite formal. I actually curtseyed and felt his eyes look me up and down, lingering on my legs and my chest. Well, it was hard to visually avoid my chest.

“You look lovely. Absolutely gorgeous.” I stifled a nervous giggle and grabbed my purse from where I’d set it by the door, along with a red shawl, in case the balmy night decided to change its mind.

“Thank you. Um, are you ready to go?” I’d thought about giving him a tour, but didn’t want to answer questions about the prominence of the large desk and two laptops in the main room.

“Absolutely.” He held out his arm and I took it, wishing I had a pair of elbow-length gloves. It felt like that kind of evening.

“You really look . . . I’m not sure how to describe it,” he said, pausing to let me enter the elevator first. The perfect gentleman.

“Ravishing is good. I like that word. Stunning. Beautiful. Exquisite.” I was so used to writing with Raine and coming up with synonyms that I did it without thinking. Great, now he thought I was full of myself.

“Those are all good words, and all accurate,” he said as the elevator reached the first floor. He held the door open for me and then we walked toward a sleek black car. I knew it was his because of the dossier. I’d have to be very careful not to talk about things that I shouldn’t know.

“Your chariot, my lady,” he said, opening the door with a flourish. I smiled and got in, sinking into the plush leather seats. I’d always read leather described as “buttery” but never knew what that meant in relation to leather until now. Yup, this was what buttery leather felt like.

He got in and started the engine.

“Are you hot? Cold?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” We had entered the awkward pre-dinner period. “So, where is Drake tonight?” Talking about his son on a date would normally be a no-no, but since I’d already met said child, I figured it was safe territory.

“He’s with Ada.”

“Does he know you’re on a date with me?” He was three, so his concept of dates was probably pretty hazy.

“He knows that daddy is having a playdate with the pretty lady from the library.” I blushed and wished the sun was already down so he couldn’t see my blazing cheeks.

“He’s a sweet boy.”

“He can be. When he wants to.” Like his father? I wondered. Declan seemed reluctant to talk and I prayed the magic we’d felt in the library wouldn’t disappear. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“Would you like some music? I always listen to it when I drive and it’s strange not having it on, but I didn’t want to be rude,” he said.

“No, no, I love music. I mean, I love most music. Go ahead and put on whatever you want with the knowledge that I will judge you based on what you choose.” You could tell a lot about a person from what music they listened to. Something told me Declan would have good taste in music, but that might be because he had good taste in everything else.

“I think I can handle that.” He fiddled with the touch screen on the dashboard, purposefully blocking it from my view. I stared out the window and tried to guess where he could be taking me.

Music filled the car and I couldn’t hold back a smile. “Pompeii” by Bastille. One of my current favorite songs. What were the chances of that?

“Well?” Declan said.

“I can’t judge you based on one good song. Even though this one is fantastic.” I couldn’t help but drum on the dashboard and Declan laughed at me. It was the first time I’d heard him fully laugh and I decided it had joined the ranks of my favorite sounds in the world.

“It is a fantastic song,” he agreed. “Aren’t you curious where we’re going?”

“Yes, but I was going to be more stealthy about asking and trying to figure it out. Lure you into a false sense of security.”

“You’re doing an excellent job already,” he said.

“Thank you.”

“You’re most welcome.”

We lapsed into silence as we listened to the rest of the song and then Declan switched it to “Peace” by O.A.R. Man, he was two for two.

I held up two fingers.

“You’ve got two points so far. But a bad song can take all those points away, so watch it.”

“Is that so? How many points do I need to win?” I thought about that for a minute.

“I don’t know. But I’ll let you know your points tally throughout the evening.”

“And what do I get if I lose?” His voice was turning me on, stirring things up that I hadn’t felt for a while. At least not with another person.

“I’ll think of something,” I said. Was I flirting?

“I’m not sure if I want to win or lose now,” he said and turned onto the highway. Where on earth were we going?

“I’ve planned for both contingencies,” I said.

We drove for a while and Declan earned five more points. I’d decided he had to get to ten to win. The prize would depend on if he actually got to ten points. If he lost, I was going to torture him a bit. With Declan I felt sexy and adventurous, like one of my characters. I always thought that they were more aggressive than I was and I envied them. Most of the time in books, being that way with a guy paid off, but in the real world it could blow up in your face.

“Seriously, where are we going?” I finally caved to my curiosity.

“That is for me to know and you to wonder about,” he said, smirking at me. The setting sun made his hair look like gold. He really didn’t look that much like Draco Malfoy. So what if he had the blonde hair and the accent and the wealth? They had nothing else in common. Besides, Draco was fictional.

“You’re mean,” I said, crossing my arms and sitting back as we listened to “The Walker” by Fitz and the Tantrums. He’d been along with the song, but stopped when I said something.

“No, I’m just keeping you in suspense. There’s a difference.” I just shook my head at him and tapped my hand against my arm to the beat of the music. This was one of those songs that you couldn’t help but dance to and I kind of wished I could rock out, but the space and the occasion didn’t allow for that.

Finally we pulled off the highway and headed out into the country. My eyes were greeted with farms and cows and silos.

“You’re not going to take me to a deserted barn and murder me, are you? Because in that suit and with the accent, you’d make the perfect villain.” Damn me and my active imagination. I always went worst case scenario.

“You have a bit of a morbid imagination, has anyone told you that?” he said, putting on his turn signal and taking a right turn. We passed a few restaurants, but he didn’t pull into any of the parking lots.

“Yes, actually. It’s a hazard of reading too many novels. Jane Austen warned of it, and no one listened.”

“Well-read women are a valuable commodity, I think,” he said. Was he trying to seduce me and get me to sleep with him?

“Man, if you’re trying to earn bonus points, it’s definitely working.”

He took another turn and pulled into a parking lot with several other cars. There was a little building that looked like a snack shack ahead of us.

“Is this what I think it is? Is this a drive-in movie?” The giant screen kind of gave it away, along with the speaker next to my window.

“If I said yes, would that earn me another point?” he asked.

“Hell yes,” I said, still in shock that this was where we’d ended up. I didn’t even know drive-in movies still existed.

“This place has been restored and this is the first summer it’s been up and running in twenty years. I, ah, know the blokes who own it, and they said I could come whenever I wanted. This seemed like a good night for it.” He pushed a button on the car and the top slid back. I hadn’t even noticed this car was a convertible.

“You really want to earn those points.”

“I really want you to have a good time,” he said with sincerity.

“Well, you’re heading in the right direction.” He looked at me, his hair ruffling a bit in the breeze now that the top was down on the car.

It was one of those moments when a kiss feels right, but you’re not sure if you should or not. We were both waiting for the other to make a move, thus neither of us made a move and the moment passed.

“Are you hungry?” he said, pushing a button on the microphone next to his window. It had a keypad on it and I quickly figured it was an intercom.

He spoke into it and asked for a menu. A few minutes later, a girl wearing a polo shirt and a bored expression came up to his side of the car and handed him a laminated menu. I had to lean close to Declan in order to read it, our heads almost touching.

The fare was basic, burgers, hot dogs and so forth, and they actually had poutine. It was rare finding that south of Aroostook County, Maine. The concoction consisted of French fries covered in cheese and gravy and it was pretty much the most delicious and fattening thing every created.

“What are you thinking about?” Declan said, his mouth so close to mine if I turned just a little bit, we could kiss. I had kissing on the brain. It didn’t help that he had full lips that looked like they’d be both soft and demanding at the same time.

“Um, poutine. Have you ever had it?” His eyes sparkled in the setting sun.

“No, I’ve never heard of it,” he said, his eyes scanning the menu. Well, sure, I bet they didn’t have it in England.

“Okay, then we’re definitely having it. And, um, a cheeseburger. I’ll tell you right here, right now, that I’m not a girl who’s going to order a salad and only eat two bites. Obviously.”

He laughed again and bumped my shoulder lightly. I wanted him to touch me. My face or my hair or something. I wanted him to do a lot of other things. A subtle buzz had taken up residence in my erogenous zones and was making itself known.

“I’ve never fancied girls like that,” he said, his voice low.

“So you’re saying that you fancy me?” Please say yes. I want to be fancied.

“Yes, Blair. I fancy you. Very much.” God, I wanted him so much at that moment.

“I don’t have a response for that,” I said, once again blurting out the first thing that came to my mind.

He smiled.

“Do I get another point?”

“Definitely.”

Declan ordered our food and it arrived within minutes, on trays we could rest on the doors of the car.

“Are you ready for poutine?” I asked, holding the plate out to him. He looked at it like it was going to bite him and I burst out laughing.

“I’m not trying to poison you, I swear. It’s delicious, I promise.” I waved the plate in his face.

“All right. You win. I’ll give it try.” He reached for a fry, and put it tentatively in his mouth. He chewed, swallowed and thought about things for a moment.

“That is bloody fantastic.” His accent was so pronounced I laughed out loud as he grabbed for another fry.

“Don’t eat them all, I want some.” I grabbed a fry. “Oh, what movie are we seeing by the way? Not that this hasn’t already been an awesome date.”

“Tonight it’s a classic: Night of the Living Dead.”

“Shut up, really?” I nearly dropped the plate. “The original or the remake?”

“Look and see,” he said, pointing at the screen. Mere moments later, the strains of the opening music blared from the speakers next to the car and the opening shot of the road filled the screen.

“I know this isn’t exactly a romantic comedy, but you didn’t seem like a romantic comedy kind of girl.” I loved romantic comedies, but this was ten thousand times better. And besides, watching romantic comedies was another occupational hazard of being a romance writer.

“It’s pretty much perfect,” I said, popping a fry in my mouth.

“Good,” he said, grabbing another fry and putting it in his mouth before leaning the seat back to watch the movie.

I’d seen this movie multiple times before, but never like this. I also watched Declan out of the corner of my eye and he watched me. There was a whole lot of watching going on.

We finished the plate of poutine and ate our burgers. I was freaking out about getting anything on my dress, but we had enough napkins that I draped them over myself and basically made a drop cloth. They should really give you a raincoat or something with this messy food.

“I can see you staring,” I said, wiping my mouth and praying that I didn’t have any sauce on my face.

“I’m not the only one.” True fact. “And you can’t blame me. You’re fascinating to look at.” This time his fingers brushed my shoulder, tracing one of the many literary quotes I had on my body.

“Do my tattoos bother you?” It was a silly question, given the circumstances, but I wanted to know how he’d respond. There were plenty of people who wrote me off because of my ink. Declan didn’t seem like one of those people, but I really wanted to know how he felt about that part of me.

“Bother? No, that is not the word I would use. They enthrall me. They’re beautiful.” His finger moved to the picture of Alice and then lower, to another quote.

“Drake asked about them.”

“I know. He told me.”

“Some people wouldn’t let me around their children because of these. I might be a bad influence.”

His eyes burned into me.

“Some people need to mind their own business and not judge others.” Couldn’t have said it better myself. I wanted to give him a round of applause.

“Thank you,” I said instead, sinking into the feeling of his finger on my skin.

“You don’t need to thank me. It’s how I feel.” His finger left my skin and he sighed.

“What?”

“Nothing.” I sat up.

“No, what is it?” I asked.

His eyes locked on mine again.

“I wish I could see all of your tattoos.” Oh, I wanted him to. If this parking lot weren’t full of other people, I’d drag him into the backseat and he’d get the whole show. But I didn’t think this was the time or the place for that kind of thing. And I’d never had sex on the first date before. Not that there was anything wrong with that, it just wasn’t something I’d done. Probably because I’d never been this damn attracted to someone so quickly.

“Well, play your cards right and we’ll see where this goes.” I didn’t want to lead him on, but there was definitely something between us. Thick and heavy and sweet. I could breathe it in the air.

The corner of his mouth turned up in a smile and I wondered what he’d had in mind when he’d brought me on this date.

“So, here’s a question for you.”

“Ask me,” he said. I was going to ask him if he’d already had this date planned for someone else, and he needed a backup, or if he’d really been that eager to go out with me. But I changed my mind.

“Are we going to order dessert?”

We both ordered hot fudge sundaes and ate them as the rest of the humans in the movie were decimated by the zombies.

“Happy?” he asked me when I finished my sundae and tilted the seat back, my stomach so full I was liable to burst.

“Very. Best first date ever. You win.”

He finished his own sundae and set it on the tray.

“Well, the night’s not over. The movie might be, but this doesn’t have to end.” He propped his arm behind his head. He’d taken off his jacket and rolled his sleeves up, exposing his creamy skin. It almost glowed in the moonlight and the light from the movie screen.

“But it’s Monday night. I have work tomorrow, and I’m guessing you do as well.”

“You’re right,” he said, putting his seat upright and turning the car on.

“No, no! I didn’t mean we had to leave. I just was pointing out that we both have work, but I didn’t mean that this had to end. I can function on not that much sleep. I’m a pro at it, actually.” He had no idea.

“Well, then. Buckle your seatbelt.” I did so and we pulled out of the drive-in and headed further down the road. Where we were going, I didn’t know and didn’t really care. I was just happy to be with him.

But then I had a thought. Maybe he thought I wanted to have sex now. That probably happened on most of his dates. Sure, I had lusty feelings for him, and condoms in my purse, but I didn’t think I was ready for that. I still didn’t really know what he did for work. I mean, I did, but I hadn’t asked him about it, so I didn’t really know, know.

“So, Declan, what do you do at work anyway?”

“I’m a financial advisor, but I’m also getting my MBA.” I whistled as if I was impressed. I had been when I’d read it on the dossier, but he could never, ever find out about that.

“Wow, you must be really smart. I bet you know, like, math and stuff,” I said as he pulled off the main road onto a more deserted road. Smooth. Real smooth.

“You could say that.”

“Do you like your job?”

“Yes, believe it or not. I enjoy helping people invest their money. And I’m a bit of an addict when it comes to university. I don’t want to leave. I have this nightmare that if I ever graduate my mind will stop working and I’ll become a vegetable.” Now that was funny as hell. I hadn’t been able to learn that from the dossier.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I flirt with the idea of going back.” The road was bumpy and full of potholes, but the car had excellent shocks and the impact wasn’t as bad as it would have been in my car.

“What would you go back for?”

“English,” I said without thinking. I only had my bachelor’s in English and I had these fantasies of getting my master’s. “My interests are pretty narrow. Books and talking about books and organizing books.” I caught myself before I said “writing books.”

“What’s stopping you?” He abruptly pulled off the road and started driving through a field.

“Um, it would be a waste of money. I don’t need the degree to do my job. Are you supposed to be driving here?” We bounced around on the uneven terrain that would have been easier to navigate in a Jeep or other off-road vehicle.

We finally came to a rest in the middle of the field, the grass so high it scraped the window and reached to my hand when I stuck my arm out and let the dry tufts brush my palm.

“Probably not. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. Look up.” I did and was greeted by a panorama of stars, undiluted by streetlights.

“Wow,” I said, pushing the button that made my seat go back.

“I have a better idea,” Declan said, unbuckling his seatbelt and grabbing something from the backseat.

He went around to the hood of the car and spread a blanket out on the shiny surface before coming over to open my door.

The grass rasped against my legs as I picked my way to the front of the car.

He lifted me up onto the hood, not even grunting with the effort.

“I hope I don’t dent the hood,” I said, suddenly self-conscious.

“I am sure my hood will survive.” He hopped up next to me and lay back, crossing his hands behind his head and staring up at the stars. He was really going for the World Record Most Perfect Date Ever.

I lay back, mirroring his pose and hoping my deodorant was strong enough.

“So why would getting your master’s degree be a waste of money?”

“Look, I’m not saying that learning is a waste of money. Not at all. It just seems like an indulgence. And I’m busy.” Writing smut, I didn’t say.

“So what do you do when you’re not at the library?” he asked, as if he’d read my mind.

“Um, not a whole lot. I spend a lot of time with my roommate Raine. She’s also my best friend.” He shifted a little bit next to me, trying to get comfortable.

“Will I get to meet her?” I also shifted closer to him, and our legs almost brushed against one another.

“Yeah, sure. She’s, um, busy tonight, but maybe. If there’s a second date.” There was no doubt in my mind, but I didn’t know where Declan’s head was at.

“There will be a second date,” he said, his voice firm. “That is, if you’d like one.”

“Absolutely.” I definitely wanted to see more of him. “Oh!” I said, gasping.

“What is it?”

“Shooting star.”

“Did you make a wish?” I closed my eyes and tried to think of a wish to make. I should wish that Raine and I would finish our book, but instead I wished for more time with Declan. Silly, but that was what I wanted.

“Yeah, cheesy as it may be. We’re a total first date cliché right now.”

“No, we’re not,” he said, reaching for my hand. I let him thread his fingers through mine. “Now we are.”

Well, if that wasn’t sweet, I didn’t know what was.

“You might want to kiss me though, to make it official,” he said, turning his head toward me.

I did the same and found him scrutinizing my face. “Oh, is that right?”

“Indeed.”

“Well, I definitely think we should be a cliché. Also, you’ve earned your points and then some. So.” Our faces inched together, and he moved a lock of hair from where it had fallen from my updo. With one finger, he brushed my cheek and then outlined my lips, smearing my lipstick a bit, but I didn’t mind. Not at all.

Holding my face with one hand, he appeared to be going for it, but then his eyes snapped shut and he pulled back.

“What?” Oh God, did I have bad breath? Was he suddenly not attracted to me?

“I don’t want to kiss you like this,” he said, his eyes opening.

“Like what? On top of your car? I don’t care. You can kiss me, I swear. This date has been so special already.” My lips ached to touch his, and I wasn’t above begging for it at this point.

“No, not that. I know if I kiss you now, I won’t stop. I won’t be able to.” Oh, well now.

“Who says you have to?” I said, before thinking. So I’d been on the fence about the sex thing, but I’d definitely come out in favor of sex. Mostly because it had been a long damn time and I wanted to see what he could do with that body and that mouth. I shivered just thinking about it and the burn in my body intensified until I was afraid it might kill me if we didn’t do something about it.

“I don’t want you to think that one night is all I want. That I’ll bed you and never ring you back. That’s not what I want,” he said.

“You’re in luck because I didn’t think that at all. The kinds of guys who want that don’t take women on award-winning first dates, or pull off into fields and stare at the stars.”

Some of his hair fell across his forehead and I couldn’t stand not touching him, so I brushed it back and he closed his eyes as if relishing my touch.

“Oh, Blair.” He could make me come just by saying my name. True story. “Are you sure?”

“Fuck yes, I’m sure. Sorry. But I am.” Or, I was now. It was either be with Declan, or go home and spend all night with my vibrator fantasizing about him, which wasn’t even close to the same thing and much less satisfying.

“Beautiful girl,” he said, stroking my face before he got up off the hood and then gave me his hand to help me down. Pushing me up against the car, he made his intention clear by the hardness in his pants.

“Last chance to back out,” he said, pressing harder against me. When I breathed, I inhaled his scent. Declan smelled like a combination of mint and something citrusy. Lemons? With a hint of clean laundry behind it and sweat and pheromones. The combination made my mouth water.

“Not backing out,” I said, my voice stuttering. I had to close my eyes for a moment. His eyes were so blue and he was so there, and it was almost too much to take.

“I feel like I’m burning alive,” I said, unable to control the words coming out of my mouth. I had to have a release somehow. A verbal orgasm.

“Agreed,” he said, his voice tight as his hands drifted down the sides of my face to my neck and then my shoulders. Holy fuck, we hadn’t even kissed yet.

“I almost want to take you right here.” I’d let him, if he wanted to. I was completely at his mercy. My hands went around his waist, pulling him closer and gasping as he moved his hardness right where I burned the hottest.

“Oh my Goooooddddd,” I moaned as he kept grinding his hips into me. I was going to come just from this.

“Christ, love,” he growled, ducking his head into my neck.

Did he just call me “love”? Oh fuck to the tenth power. I was going to come. And then he shoved himself away from me, panting.

“No, not here. You at least deserve a bed.”

“I can go without a bed.” I briefly considered tackling him in the field, but worries about ticks and spiders and potential snakes stopped me from that course of action.

“I’m afraid I can’t take you back to my place, because my son is there.” Well, obviously. And we couldn’t go back to my place because Raine was there.

“A hotel. We can go to a hotel,” I said. Or a motel. I didn’t care. Anyplace that had a bed that we could use. Or a shower, or even a couch. Any of those were options.

“Yes, yes, a hotel.” He backed away from me as if I was a bomb he was wary of setting off if he moved too close. “There should be one near here.” He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and started typing something in. A robotic voice told us the nearest hotel was fifteen miles away.

“Let’s go,” I said, wrenching the door of the car open and sitting in my seat. He dashed around the front, grabbing the blanket on the way before he slammed into his own seat and buckled his seatbelt.

“It’s like we’re in a race against time,” I said, trying to make a joke. I had to keep shifting in my seat to get comfortable, and I wasn’t the only one. He reversed the car, turned and threw it into Drive and we blazed out of the field, leaving dust and ruined plants in our wake. I should feel bad about the damage, but I couldn’t think about much other than getting Declan naked.

The ride to the hotel was agonizing, even though Declan broke the speed limit the whole time. It was also silent. I could sense Declan struggling to focus enough to drive. Poor guy. Men only seemed to have enough blood to run their brain or their dick and he was running both at the moment.

The hotel turned out to be on the outskirts of a city. Declan pulled up to the front, got out, tossed the valet the keys, opened my door and dragged me to the front desk.

The concierge didn’t bat an eye at us as she handed over a key after Declan produced a credit card from his wallet. We walked as fast as we could without drawing attention to ourselves as we got in the elevator. I almost jumped on him then, but there were other people present and that might get us kicked out of the hotel before even entering into our room and that would be a huge disappointment.

Finally we arrived at our floor and walked briskly down the hallway, Declan shoving the key into the door and pushing it open. The second the door slammed shut, he was on me and I was on him and I realized this was happening. Raine was going to be so thrilled.

Declan’s hands were aggressive and sure as he held me and brought his mouth down to mine for our first kiss. I opened my mouth, trying to breathe him in, and he took that as an invitation, plunging his tongue inside. Searching, seeking, caressing.

Hot damn, that man could kiss. Was it a British thing? Did they have secret kissing academies over there? Declan bit down lightly on my lower lip¸ dragging it through his teeth before renewing his assault on my mouth. My red lipstick was everywhere, staining his lips. I’d marked him. The red was vibrant on his pale skin.

“Bed,” I said when I’d gotten a moment to breathe, and he backed me up until my legs hit the edge of the bed and I fell backward, Declan coming with me.

“Are you all right?” he asked, his voice so proper, even under these circumstances. I wanted him to say dirty things to me in that voice. I wanted him to say the filthiest things imaginable in that posh accent. I was getting even more turned on just thinking of it.

“I’m fine. Just kiss me.” The lights were off in the room, since we hadn’t gotten around to turning them on. Declan rose from the bed and walked around the room, turning every light on, and then closing the drapes.

“Didn’t want anyone to watch?” I said, as my eyes followed his movements.

“No. I want to be the only one to see you. I’m a bit selfish that way,” he said, getting down on his knees and getting to work on my shoes.

“You could leave them on,” I said. “But then I’d be afraid I would impale you. So yeah, shoes off.” He chuckled as he pulled them slowly off my feet and then ran his hands up my legs, stopping just at the hem of my dress before he went to work on his own shoes. He must be terribly uncomfortable, but he was taking his time.

He put his hands on the outside of his hips and leaned forward, meeting my lips again.

“I’ve been dying to touch you all night. To run my hands over your skin,” he said as he ran his hands up my shoulders and started to work on the tie of my dress. For a moment, he hesitated, but then pulled the bow undone and pulled the ties down, exposing my nude strapless bra, and some more of my tattoos.

Kissing down my neck, he suckled for a minute at my pulse point and I half-hoped he’d leave a hickey. Working his way down to my collarbone, he kissed my clavicle, just above where my breasts started. Peeling the dress lower, he exposed more of my body. I had one brief moment of wondering if he wished I was thinner. But then he looked up at me.

“You’re breathtaking, love.”

“Say it again,” I said as he pulled my dress lower, over my hips and letting it puddle on the floor.

“You’re breathtaking, love,” he said, slow as he loosened his tie.

“Let me do that,” I said, taking it from his hands. He ran them up and down my thighs as I pulled the tie over his head and then started working on the buttons of his shirt. I wished I were the kind of girl who could rip the shirt open, buttons scattering everywhere, like in the movies.

I gave a little grunt of satisfaction as I got the last button undone and pushed the shirt down his shoulders. He had a white tank top on underneath, and I immediately pulled at the hem of it, getting it over his head in record time.

He glowed. As if he’d swallowed moonlight and it had dissolved into his skin. I ran my hands over his chest, relishing the peaks and valleys and muscle. He had it where it counted. Either he was naturally gifted with perfect muscles and a flat stomach, or he worked out.

My hands went low, dipping to his belt and I noticed is hair was the same color everywhere, and it caught the light. His belt came undone and his pants joined mine on the floor.

Well, fuck. His boxers (black silk) were working hard to contain him. I ran my hands over him and his hips jerked. I was about to remove the boxers when he pushed my shoulders back on the bed and straddled my hips.

I looked up at him and he smiled down at me.

“I’ve wanted to do this ever since the first moment I saw you. You are, simply put, the sexiest librarian I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he said.

“You’re not so bad yourself. And not just because of the accent. I could get off just on you talking.”

“What would you want me to say?” He went back to kissing, sucking and licking various patches of my skin.

“Um, tell me what you’re going to do to me.”

“Let me get your bra off first,” he said, and I boosted myself up on my elbows so he could reach behind me and undo the clasp.

“Well done. You must have had practice.”

“Perhaps.” The bra fell away, and Declan ran his thumbs over my nipples, causing them to rise to meet him.

“First I’m going to spend some time here. Licking your nipples, taking them into my mouth. Biting them until you say my name and beg me to stop and to keep going at the same time. And then I will kiss across your stomach until you can barely stand it. Then I will kiss lower, tasting your sweetness. Burying my face in you. Taking you with my mouth.”

I couldn’t help the moan that escaped my own mouth at that prospect.

“But I should stop talking and start doing, yes?”

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes.” It was the only word I seemed to be able to form as he lowered his mouth to my left nipple. He sucked hard and heat rushed between my legs. Pinching and working my right breast, he had me writhing under him, arching my back and pressing into him to get more.

He licked my nipple and then blew on my skin, causing a riot of chills before he moved on and gave my right nipple the equal treatment. My nails dug into his back and I knew I was going to leave marks, but he didn’t seem to care.

On the contrary, he growled against my skin as he made his way down my stomach. He chuckled a bit when he saw one of the Dr. Seuss quotes above my belly button. The sound vibrated along my skin and I could feel myself getting close already. It had been so long since I’d been with anyone that he could have just breathed on me I would have had an orgasm.

Hooking his fingers in my panties, he inched them down my legs and then tossed them to the floor with the rest of our clothing.

“Hey, no fair—” I started to say that it wasn’t fair that I was naked and he still had his boxers on, but my words turned into gasps as he kissed below my bellybutton and lower, lower . . .

“Oh sweet fucking Jesus fucking Christ,” I said. I probably should have warned Declan that I had a tendency to curse excessively when in the heat of the moment.

Kissing up the insides of my thighs, he glanced up to see my reaction.

“You have a dirty mouth,” he said, but he smiled, so he must have thought it was a good thing. “I like that in a woman. You’re not afraid to tell me what you want, are you?”

“Yes. I mean, no. Oh, God.”

His mouth was still stained by my lipstick as he lowered it.

“I’m going to make you come. Hard. Twice. Or maybe more. We’ll see.” With one slow lick, he had me teetering on the edge and with a few more, everything inside me tightened and released, pleasure and power and heat flooding through my body while wordless sounds spilled from my mouth.

“Three times, then,” he said, getting back down to business, even though I was tender from my first orgasm. I hadn’t come that hard in a long time, and if he was going to make it happen two more times, my body might disintegrate.

The second climax happened on the heels of the first and I begged him to stop and not go for the third. But he just laughed and plunged two fingers into me, thus silencing my protests. With tongue and fingers, he drove me to a third body-shattering, bone-melting orgasm.

He licked me softly as I drifted back down to earth, little aftershocks shuddering through me.

“Was that to your satisfaction?” he said, leaning his head on my thigh. There was the barest hint of a smug smile on his face. He seemed very pleased with himself.

“Uh, yeah,” I said after a few moments of trying to form words. “Yup. Definitely.”

He kissed his way back up my body, straddling my legs again.

“Now would probably be a good time to tell you that I’m not going down on you,” I said. He froze for a moment and then kissed my mouth softly, my scent all over him.

“I don’t mind.”

I started laughing.

“Liar.”

He held himself up with his arms and looked down at me, confused.

“I’m just messing with you,” I said, scooting out from under him. “Lie back. It’s your turn.” He flipped on his back and looked at me as if he didn’t know what to make of me.

“Sorry, that was mean, but I’ll make up for it,” I said as I pulled at his boxers and he lifted his hips so I could slide them off.

I grinned up at him before licking the tip of him, causing his hips to buck and his eyes to slam shut.

“Bloody Christ.”

“Guess I’m not the only one with a dirty mouth,” I said, pulling back and then licking him again. I kept up the little licks before I took him completely into my mouth, all the way to the back of my throat, trying to suppress my gag reflex. Curses burst from his mouth, all groaned in that proper accent. I almost laughed, but my mouth was a little busy as I worked up and down his length, adding my hand to massage his balls and work up and down in tandem with my mouth.

He growled and fisted his hands in my hair, which only turned me on more. I was still fired up from him going down on me, and having him completely at my mercy was fucking sexy.

His movements got more erratic and I could feel that he was coming apart, but suddenly he jerked my face away from his dick.

“You don’t have to do that. Not tonight anyway.”

“Later,” I said, crawling up his body. “Definitely.”

“You might just be the perfect woman,” he said, rolling back over me. “Wait there.” He reached for his pants and pulled out a condom, holding it up so I could see the package before he ripped it open and rolled it on with the speed of someone who had rolled more than their share of condoms on their own dicks. No matter, I wouldn’t have cared if he’d fucked all the models in the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. He was with me right now.

“Missionary all right with you?” he said, poising above me, rubbing his dick over my core.

My only response was to grab his shoulders and pull his mouth down on me as I crossed my legs around him and pushed my hips up to meet him.

Declan entered me with one smooth stroke, thrusting so hard he drove me into the mattress. God, it had been so long. So, so long.

“Fuck, Declan, yes.” He pulled out and thrust again, even harder this time. I hoped he left bruises.

With extreme focus, Declan continued to drive me into the mattress. It was hard and rough and I couldn’t get enough of it. He paused while inside me to lean down and kiss me. I bit his lip and he growled, low in his throat.

“You like it rough, love?”

“Yes,” I said into his mouth, circling my hips. It wouldn’t have mattered what he asked me. Right now, my only answer was yes.

His mouth left me and he resumed his pace, his eyes intense with concentration. Abruptly, he froze, and I thought he’d come, but then he started to thrust again. This time though, it was slow. Slow and sweet, making sure I felt each and every inch.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I moaned, unable to handle the abrupt shift in his movements. With every stroke, he hit just where I needed him to and my fourth climax was only moments away.

“I’m close.”

“So am I,” he said, starting to pick up the pace again. At this rate, we might come together. I’d thought that was just a myth, but it might be happening.

“Now,” he said, thrusting into me hard and I let myself go. Orgasm on command.

He pumped a few more times into me and then lowered himself and rolled to the side, slipping out of me.

“That was . . .” I said at a complete loss for words. My body was completely undone. I turned on my side to stare at him. His eyes were on the ceiling.

“Exquisite,” he supplied, turning his head to the side. “Utterly exquisite.”

Declan got up and went to the bathroom to clean himself up while I lay there on the bed and tried to compel myself to move. My willpower had deserted me somewhere around the third orgasm.

Declan strolled back into the room, still completely naked.

“Wait. Stop right there,” I said as he started to climb back on the bed.

“What is it?”

“I just wanted to stare at you a little. I mean, have you seen you? Fuck.” The more I stared at him, the less I could believe he was real and naked and that we’d just had sex.

“So I appeal to you?” He stood up and let me stare. It took a confident man to let a woman do that.

“Could I see you from the back?” I twirled my finger, and he turned slowly, giving me the back view.

“Oh fuck me.” The rear view was just as perfect as the front, even with a few scratches slashed across his skin.

“Sorry about the scratches.”

“Don’t worry about those,” he said, turning back around. “I’m sure there will be more by the end of the night.”

He looked down at himself and it was quite obvious that he was ready to go again.

“Oh, would you look at that,” he said, as if he were commenting on an interesting cloud floating through the sky.

“That looks like something you might want to get taken care of,” I said, sitting up. “Too bad there’s no one here who could do that for you.”

“What a shame,” he said, throwing up his hands and sighing. “I’ll just have to walk around like this for the rest of my life. Finding trousers that fit is going to be difficult. Ah, well.” He stood there and started whistling as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

I lay on the bed and watched him, wondering how long the standoff was going to last.

Declan kept whistling, but his hands clenched and unclenched and then he started cracking his knuckles, one by one.

Wanting to torture him a bit, I moved my hand down my body, drifting over my nipples and down to the juncture of my legs. He stopped mid knuckle crack.

“What are you doing?” he said.

“Just passing the time.” I tried to keep my voice light, but I was so turned on and ready for him to take me again, it wasn’t easy.

Declan ran his hand through his hair and looked at the ceiling, as if begging God.

“Bloody hell.” He crushed his body on top of mine and kissed me hard, our teeth knocking together.

“You’re going to pay for that,” he said, replacing my hand with his.

He did make me pay.

Twice.

“Are they all from books?” he asked as I lay on my back and he inspected my tattoos, moving the sheet that covered me so he could see them.

“Most of them, yes.” One finger traced the outline of the Deathly Hallows on the back of my neck. “I got a bunch done when I turned eighteen. Teenage rebellion and all that. My mother nearly had a stroke.”

“Did she? Is she not a fan of tattoos?” I was drowsy from the sex and the late hour, so answering took a minute.

“No, not at all. Neither is my grandmother. I pretty much wear a habit when I go and visit her so she won’t see how much I’ve done. I’m afraid it would actually kill her.” His fingers paused and then resumed their journey down my back.

“That hasn’t stopped me from getting tattoos, though. It’s addicting. My friend Angie is always getting more done and she begs me to go with her and before I know it, I’ve got another bit of ink in my skin.”

“Does it hurt? When you get them done?” I closed my eyes. It was too much work to keep them open anymore.

“It’s not pain exactly. It’s more like a burning feeling. And a cold feeling at the same time. Sometimes it tickles. Depends on where you’re getting it done.” I could hear my words slurring together.

“Are you tired?” he asked.

“Nope. I’m wide awake.” The sheet came over my back again and I felt warm lips on my forehead.

“Sleep now.”

“Okay,” I mumbled.

Next thing I knew, I was cracking my eyes open and sun was creeping under the curtains. Wait a second, those weren’t my curtains. This wasn’t my bed. Where the hell was I? I turned my head and found myself face-to-face with a gorgeous blonde man. I allowed myself a moment of watching him sleep before panic set in and I sat upright, nearly falling out of bed.

“Shit!”

“What’s wrong?” Declan was immediately awake and alert.

“Um, it’s morning and I’m not at my apartment and I have to get to work.” I looked toward the nightstand and was relieved to see that it was still early.

“Never mind. False alarm. I just can’t be late for work again. Madeline would flay me alive. My boss,” I said, clarifying.

“Oh, that would be a shame. Good morning, by the way,” he said, smiling at me. The sheet was wrapped around his hips, as if he’d tossed and turned.

Running my hands through my hair, I sat back against the headboard. I was probably a mess, and I rubbed my chin to make sure I hadn’t drooled in my sleep.

“Good morning,” I said, smiling shyly at him. “You wore me out last night.” Memories fluttered through my mind. Declan over me, Declan behind me, Declan under me. We’d gone through a few chapters of the Sexual Position Book and I was hoping there would be more.

“And you are lovely in the morning.” I wasn’t, really, but he was being sweet. I drew my finger along a red mark on his shoulder. It almost looked like a bite mark.

“Did I bite you?”

“Several times,” he said, pointing to a few other half-moon marks on his chest and shoulders. I’d done a number on his back as well.

“I don’t even remember doing that. Did I hurt you?” I asked, my face turning red. I didn’t like knowing I got that out of control. What else wasn’t I aware that I was doing during sex?

“No. Not even a little bit,” he said, stretching out, and I realized he was up and at ‘em.

“How can you still be hard?” I pulled back the sheet to make sure.

“Because I’m around you. I think I’ll take a shower. Care to join me?” He strolled toward the bathroom, completely confident in his nudity.

Shower sex?

“Can we order room service after?” I asked, as if I was hesitating.

“Only if I get to eat it off of you,” he called as he turned the water on.

“Then I’m going to need another shower,” I said walking slowly toward the bathroom.

“Then we’ll just have to take another shower,” he said, grabbing me and dragging me under the water.

Declan and I ordered room service, and he had part of the fruit salad off my stomach while I tried to hold still and not laugh too much as he licked me clean.

I also sent Raine a brief text telling her where I was and that I’d see her tonight. Her answer back was all in caps and I could definitely hear her squealing with glee all the way from here.

We got dressed and things became a little awkward. I wasn’t sure how to act around him now. We were still practically strangers, even though we’d shared our bodies.

“So, should I drop you at the library?”

“Yeah, there isn’t time to go back to my place. Thanks so much for . . . everything. Last night and this morning. I guess I wasn’t a cheap date.” Between the food, the hotel room and the gas, he must be out at least a hundred bucks. Sure, I knew he could afford it. But we hadn’t talked much about money yet, so I shouldn’t know how much he made.

“It was well worth it, Blair. I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” he said, running his hands over my ass and pulling me close. “Will I get to see you again, outside of the library?”

“That might be a possibility. Um, maybe we should do it on a weekend so we don’t have to worry about work.” I definitely wanted to see him sooner, but I didn’t want to seem like one of “those girls”. The kind who would give him a stupid nickname and text him with emoticons constantly and start planning our wedding.

“But what if I can’t wait until the weekend?” He didn’t seem to have any qualms about appearing eager. I kind of loved his confidence.

“Um, I think that could be arranged, but, um, I have, other stuff that I have to do at night during the week.” Oh God, he was going to think I was moonlighting as a hooker.

One golden eyebrow arched. “Entertaining other men?”

“I wish. No, it’s much more boring than that.” Writing smut. I write smut. And I’m using you for inspiration. “It’s nothing. Really. Boring and dull. Very boring. Very dull.”

He laughed.

“The more you talk about it, the more I want to know. But I’ll let you keep your mystery,” he said.

“Thank you.” I didn’t completely believe him. Declan seemed like the kind of guy who would pretend to drop something and then secretly try and find out about it.

“We should get going, yeah?” he said, smacking me on the ass and making me squeal.

“Yeah. I have young minds to corrupt.”

Declan dropped me off five minutes early, leaning over to give me a searing kiss before informing me that he would “ring me later” to chat. I nearly melted into the leather seat, but I managed to get out of the car and stumble to work, my mind full of my night with the British Sex God.

Focusing on work was a challenge, and my body still remembered how Declan had felt inside me. I was also a bit sore and had to move carefully.

“Are you okay?” Sabrina asked when I winced getting up from my chair.

“Yeah. Just pulled a muscle.” In my downstairs from having too much hot sex.

“Oh, are you working out now?” Sabrina was a big fan of Pilates, yoga, yogalates, piloga and anything else of that nature. She’d been begging me to come and do hot yoga with her forever, but I thought it sounded like something they used in medieval times to torture women they thought were witches, so I’d always declined.

“No, not really. I was just stretching last night and I think I pulled something.” That wasn’t completely made up. Declan had stretched me. So. Good.

“Well, you should eat a banana. The potassium will help with that.”

“Great, thanks. I’ll do that.” I hated bananas, but Sabrina was sweet and I didn’t want to be a bitch to her.

“Oh my gosh, I read the best book last night. It was totally scandalous and I blushed nearly the whole time, but it was so good. And funny!” she said, clapping her hands together.

“What was it called?” I asked as I put some of the books that needed to get re-shelved in call number order.

“Dark Lovely by Scarlet Rose. It was sooooo good.” The books I’d been holding clunked to the floor.

“Shit,” I said under my breath as Sabrina bent down to help me.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, fine.” My voice had gotten high and weird again. I gave Sabrina a quick smile. “So, this book, it was really good?”

“Oh my goodness, yes. Not to share too much information, but Ben definitely appreciates that I read it, if you know what I mean.” She gave me an exaggerated wink and then went to help a patron find a book for her nephew.

I stayed on the floor for a minute, trying to get my heart under control. Sure, I knew that people read my books, but it was a whole other thing when someone I knew read them. Especially if they didn’t know I wrote them.

I was still picking up books from the floor when Madeline did a sweep to make sure everything was running smoothly.

“Just wanted to let you know that I ordered those replacement books so they should be here soon,” she said, as I got to my feet. Slowly.

“Are you feeling any better?” she asked, her eyes flicking around to make sure we were alone. “Have you got your writing schedule sorted out?”

“Um, I guess. It’s a work in progress. I feel like every book we write, we have to learn how to write all over again. It doesn’t feel like it gets easier.” Even though I didn’t want anyone to know about it, it was a relief to have someone who knew my secret, and be able to talk about things with.

“I can’t even imagine. I write poems, but they’re never any good and they’re just for me. The idea of sharing them with anyone makes me break out in hives.” She shivered and rubbed her arms.

“Well, you should see our first drafts. They’re pretty horrific.” Even thinking about edits for the book we were currently working on made my stomach turn. But we had to write the damn book first.

“I’m sure that’s not the case, but it was sweet of you to say. Everything else going okay?” We chatted about work and other business and then Sabrina came to join us and we bounced around some ideas about new programs and special events we could have.

I texted with Raine, who seemed to be in much better spirits. As if she’d been the one who got laid.

She’d want to know everything, naturally. Every little detail. And under different circumstances, I’d give them to her. Privacy didn’t really have a place in our relationship. But I didn’t want to share everything about my date with Declan.

The sex had been so . . . intimate. That seemed odd to say, but when I was with him, it was like he’d crawled under my skin. That we’d shared something deeper than just our bodies. I might have been reading into it, but this didn’t feel like the kind of relationship that would last for a few months and then fizzle out.

I was probably just getting ahead of myself. Making more of it than it was. Besides, there were a lot of obstacles if this relationship was going to turn into something more. For one, the fact that I had a secret life he didn’t know about and for two, he had a son. No, I should stop thinking of this as more than it was. For now, we were just having fun.

There was a box on my side of the desk when I got home that night. Raine had already changed into her writing attire, bun high on her head, but she greeted me with a wide smile and a hug as I set my bag down.

“Oh my God. You have to tell me everything. But first, this came for you,” she said, indicating the box. “It’s from him.”

“Thanks for ruining the surprise,” I said, eyeing the box. It was black and tied with a white ribbon, a dark red rose stuck through the bow. It was the sexiest wrapping job I’d ever seen.

“What are you waiting for? Open it!” Raine clutched my shoulder and bounced on her heels. She sure knew how to live vicariously.

I pulled the rose out, marveling at the color. It was so dark red it almost shaded to black. He’d said he didn’t get me flowers, but I loved this one. Setting it aside, I pulled the bow out of the ribbon and took the lid off the box. Nestled inside were several books. Of course.

Flowers in the Attic, The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Briar Rose.

“Oh. My. God. He got you book flowers. Fucking book flowers. If you don’t want him, I’ll take him.” The books were tied together with another white ribbon. And then I saw that he’d written on the inside covers of the books.

Last night was, I hope, the beginning of something. I opened the cover of the next book. Something that I have not felt in a while. I can’t wait . . . I opened the last book. . . . to see you again. —Declan.

“How many blow jobs did you give him?” Raine said as I set the books back in the box.

“That’s for me to know and you not to know.” I turned and looked at her. “I don’t want to share everything, and I definitely don’t think we should be putting it in the book. It feels wrong.”

Raine looked at me as if I’d spoken in a made-up language.

“Are you serious? You’re not going to tell me?” Well, I did want to share some of the details with my best friend. But I didn’t want to share them with my best friend, the author.

“Okay, I’ll tell you with the condition that none of it goes in the book. I know I didn’t think this was going to be anything, but I don’t know. This feels different.” Saying it out loud made me feel like a moron, but Raine didn’t laugh at me.

“Yeah, I can tell. This is the first time you haven’t wanted to share your sexual exploits. Okay, okay. I won’t put it in the book. At least not consciously.” We sat on the couch as I recounted the date, minus most of the steamy details, but Raine still hung on every word.

“Okay, it sounds like you won the guy lottery. There must be something wrong with him, or else he’s the most perfect guy ever. It can only go one of two ways.” I agreed, and I hoped for the latter.

“Thanks, Raine. That’s extremely helpful.”

“Oh come on, I’m trying to be supportive. I’m so happy for you. I really am. I’d like to meet him, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, I think that would be good. I told him about you and I think he wants to meet you too. I’m seeing him again on Friday night, so you can see him when he picks me up.”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“I have no idea. But it’s going to be rough topping the first date.” Raine started playing with my hair, taking it down from the elastic I’d pulled it back with this morning.

“And the sex? You don’t have to tell me everything. But was it good?” I closed my eyes and leaned toward her so she could run her fingers through my hair.

“Yeah. It was good.”

“Do you think Dixon is British and that’s why we can’t connect with him?” Raine said later that night as we tried to salvage our book. I was excited to get writing. Maybe it was the sex. It unlocked my writing energy. They never told you that in the writing manuals.

“Are you trying to make him British, or is he British and we just weren’t aware of it?” Sometimes Raine had ideas and she wanted to force the characters to be something that they weren’t and I had a feeling this was one of those times.

“The first one. Definitely,” she said, but she did that thing where she bit her bottom lip and I knew she was lying.

“You realize if he’s British, that means we have to change his entire backstory, and British up his dialogue. That’s going to be a lot of work.”

Her face fell as she realized the implications of changing everything we had already done.

“No, you’re right. He’s not British. But he’s . . . something. We’re missing something vital about him.”

“I think it’s time to whiteboard,” I said and she nodded grimly. When we had character issues, we wrote out everything we knew about the character on our giant whiteboard. It helped us get a better sense of who they were and why we were having issues. We hated doing it because admitting that we didn’t know our characters as well as we thought we did was almost like admitting defeat, which sucked. At least no one knew we did it besides us.

I went to the closet and got out our giant whiteboard and propped it on the couch. I wrote Dixon’s full name at the top.

“Okay, go.”

“He’s 6’2”. Billionaire recluse who runs his own farm. Um, enjoys scotch, American football and women who argue with him,” Raine said, holding up one finger for each fact.

“Okay, so does he have to be a billionaire?” I asked, looking at the whiteboard which was now crammed with my writing.

“Billionaires are hot right now. And that’s what the publisher wants.” They’d given us parameters that they strongly suggested we stay within to go along with our other books.

“Right, right. But maybe he made the money on his own. Maybe he’s a stock trading genius,” I said.

Raine gave me a look.

“Then we’d have to research stocks and we do not have time for that,” she pointed out. Crap. Well, that wasn’t going to work.

“Okay, what other ways can you make a shit ton of money?”

Raine snapped her fingers as if she’d had an epiphany.

“Drug lord! He’s a drug lord!”

“But we want people to fall in love with him. And I don’t think the publishers would like a criminal love interest. Unless he was reformed.” I met Raine’s eyes and we had the same thought at the same time.

“He’s a reformed drug lord on the run from his past, so he buys the farm. Oh my God,” I said and Raine jumped out of her seat.

“That’s it! That’s it!” We shared a jumpy screaming hug. We finally had it. After we finished our celebration, we got to work with feverish energy, going back to the beginning of the book and tweaking things to match the new revelation.

“Sweet Jeebus, this is it. This is it, Walt!”

“I know!”

We wrote and edited until late that night and I didn’t even care if I was late for work the next day. Our book was back on track and I had a date with Declan on Friday. Things couldn’t be going any better.

The high from finally getting the book on track lasted until I got a call very early Wednesday morning (or it might have been late Tuesday night) and I struggled out of bed to answer it. Either it was a drunk wrong number, or it was an emergency.

“Hello?” I didn’t even try to sound awake.

“Blair? It’s Madeline. I’m so sorry to call this late, but there’s been a fire at the library.”

“Oh my God, is everything okay?” I snapped upright.

“Well, they’ve put it out, but there’s definitely a lot of damage. It’s concentrated to the children’s room. They think it started tonight, so no one was here, thank God.”

“Oh no.” Tears started pricking the corners of my eyes. No, no, no. This could NOT be happening. This must be a horrible dream. I’d had fire dreams before. This must be one. But it felt so real.

“I’m so sorry, Blair. I just wanted to let you know as soon as possible.”

“Do you need me to come down?” Madeline’s normally calm demeanor seemed rattled.

“No, no. But the fire investigator should be coming tomorrow to assess the damage and determine the cause of the fire. He’ll probably have questions for everyone, so if you could be here around ten?”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you need me to do.” I didn’t think I’d believe it until I saw it. Fires didn’t happen to my library.

“Okay, okay. Listen, I have to go talk to the fire chief. I’ll see you in a few hours.” She hung up before I could say anything else.

I sat in bed for what felt like hours, in complete shock. I imagined the beautiful room filled with books ravaged by fire. Oh my God, what were we going to do? How long was it going to take to rebuild or fix? Was I still going to have a job? How long would I be out of work?

Before my mind could start spinning out of control, I got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of wine. Most people would get a glass of water, but I think I needed something stronger.

My hands shook as I got out one of our bigger glasses and I ended up dropping in on the floor and having to jump out of the way of shattering glass.

“Shit!” I glanced toward Raine’s room, hoping I hadn’t woken her, but as I cleaned up the glass her door opened and she poked her sleep-rumpled head out.

“What’s going on?”

“There was a fire at the library. Madeline just called,” I said, sweeping the broken glass into the dustpan.

“What? Are you serious?” She walked into the kitchen and leaned on the counter. “How bad was the damage?”

“I don’t know.” I tossed the broken glass in the trash. “I don’t know.”

“Aw, I’m so sorry.” Raine opened her arms and I hugged her, the tears finally coming.

“I know I should be glad that no one was hurt and no one was there, and I am, but I just can’t believe this is happening.” My shoulders shook and Raine held me until I calmed down.

“I have to go in tomorrow and see the damage and talk to the investigator. I can’t imagine what could have started it.” I wiped my eyes and Raine rubbed my shoulders.

“I’m sure they’ll figure it out, and you haven’t even seen the damage. Maybe it’s not that bad. I’ll make you some tea and we can watch a movie or something.”

“Wine,” I said. “Wine instead of tea.”

“Wine. Go it.”

We spent the rest of the night going through an expensive bottle of red that I’d had stashed away for the next time when we had friends over. That had never really happened, so the bottle had a little bit of dust on it.

I told Raine she needed to go to bed, but she refused, saying that she was taking another sick day to be with me.

“It’s not like someone died,” I said. “Should I be this upset? I mean, we can buy new books and rebuild.”

“You can be as upset as you want. I’m not gonna judge you. You’re talking to the girl who cries during every proposal on The Bachelor. Even if I know that the couple is already broken up. Still gets me every time.” That was true. Raine did tend to get emotional about things.

We ended up falling asleep snuggled together on my bed, reruns of one of The Real Housewives playing softly in the background.

Raine woke me up the next morning (or at least it was several hours after Madeline called me) by setting a tray of eggs and bacon and a mimosa on my bed.

“Good morning. I made you breakfast.” I stretched and felt the effects of the wine consumption. Tea would have been a better choice, but I couldn’t turn back the clock now.

“Thanks, babe. I really appreciate it. Yes, you can have some.” She’d been eyeing my bacon. She flopped down on the edge of my bed and grabbed a piece.

“You feeling okay?”

“I guess? I mean, I don’t know. I’m in shock. I guess I’ll figure it out when I get there.” My stomach was in knots, but I ate the food anyway because Raine had made it.

“You mean when we get there. I’m going with you. Moral support.”

“You’re the best, you know that?”

She chomped down on my last piece of bacon.

“I know.”

Raine held my hand as we got out of the car and walked toward the library. Yellow police tape crisscrossed in front of the door, and I saw Madeline standing out front and talking with a tall man with a clipboard.

“Madeline!” I called and she turned around. Even in crisis, she was put together. I’d just thrown some pants on, put my hair in a bun and hadn’t even bothered with makeup.

She gave me a huge hug and patted my back.

“Blair, this is Bob Fosman, the fire investigator.” He shook my hand and started asking me questions about the building and what I’d done before I locked up.

“How did it start?” I asked. He looked up from his clipboard where he’d been jotting things down.

“We’re not sure yet, but we think it originated in the courtyard. Maybe a stray cigarette butt. We’ll still have to do a full investigation, but that’s my best guess right now.”

“Crazy how something that small can start a fire. Can we see the damage?” I asked. He shook his head.

“We have to wait until all the potential hotspots are out, so it will be at least until tomorrow before we can let you in.” He went back to talking with Madeline and then Sabrina showed up and gave me a huge hug. Soon all of the librarians and some volunteers showed up and Raine volunteered to go on a coffee run around the corner for everyone.

Most of the day was spent talking and trying to figure out what we were all supposed to do. Madeline called a meeting and announced that, for right now, we were closed. Until the insurance company could assess the damage and figure out how much it was going to cost to fix it.

So I was jobless for the time being. At least I wouldn’t be paycheck-less. Good thing I had something to fall back on. But I was going to miss the kids and being surrounded by books. And I’d miss seeing sweet Drake and his increasing love for reading.

Just as I thought about Drake, his father texted me.

Have any packages arrived at your flat lately?

Despite the grim circumstances, I smiled at the text.

Yes, some handsome fellow sent me some lovely books. Thank you so much.

His response was quick.

You’re most welcome, Blair.

“Hey, who are you texting?” Raine said, leaning over my shoulder.

“Declan. I should probably tell him about the fire. But that seems like a weird thing to text. Should I call him?” I hated that I sounded like one of those indecisive girls. So I called him.

He didn’t pick up and the call went to voicemail.

“Hey, Declan. I wasn’t sure if I should call, but I just wanted to let you know that there was a fire at the library. I don’t know how serious it is, but I’m fine and so is everyone else. So yeah. I just wanted to tell you that because I won’t be at the library until they can get everything fixed again. So if you come here, I won’t be here. Obviously. So yeah. Just, um, call me later. And thanks again for the books. They were perfect.” I thought it was good to end on a high note.

“You okay, babe?” Raine said, rubbing my arms.

“Yeah, I think I just wanna go home.” I’d done all I could do at the library today. I said goodbye to Madeline and told her to call me if she needed anything, or if there were any changes. We agreed to meet the following day at eleven to do the walkthrough.

Raine and I got takeout and brought it home, eating it on the floor. We had way too many throw pillows, so we placed them all over the floor to make a mattress.

“So what are you going to wear for your date?” she asked, mid chew.

“Um, I’m not sure. I think pants this time, although the dress did work in my favor. But if we’re going to be walking through a field again, I’d like to have pants.” I grabbed for the box of sweet and sour pork and nabbed a piece with my chopsticks.

“I feel you. If you need any fashion help, you know where to find me.”

“I do.”

“So, what are you going to do until the library is fixed?” she said.

“Other than write? No idea. It’s kind of stressful to think about, but I guess if I ever left to write full-time this would be what it was like, you know?” For my entire life, I’d been in school, or I’d been working, so having entire days to myself would be completely weird. And also kind of freeing.

“I can’t wait. Seriously. My whole life is going to change when I can write full-time. I’ll sleep late and I’ll never be cranky because I’ve been woken up too early, I won’t have to deal with rotten customers and I’ll be responsible for myself,” she said with a dreamy sigh. It did sound good when she said it, but my job was different. I loved it and I couldn’t see myself leaving anytime soon.

“Anywho, I hope you get a lot done. And this way, you can constantly text me cute cat videos to get me through the day. Oh, and you can totally make me lunch. It’ll be like having a wife. A super-hot wife.” She nudged my foot with her shoulder.

“I’m not putting out,” I said.

“Well, that’s just not fair.” We smiled at each other and I felt a little of the stress about the fire loosen. Raine always knew how to make me feel better, even in the worst situations.

My phone rang, and I squealed when I saw it was Declan.

“I did not just make that sound. Forget that it happened,” I said as I answered it. Raine made a cross with her hands over her chest.

“Hey,” I said, trying to make my voice all seductive.

“Hello, love. Are you all right? I got your message. That’s just tragic about the library.”

“I know, I know. I think I’m still in shock. I’m just glad it didn’t happen when someone was there.” I stood up and walked to my room so I could talk to him without Raine eavesdropping. Then I gave him the lowdown on the fire situation.

“Sorry that’s not really good romantic conversation talk.”

“Don’t worry, Blair. I’m just pleased you’re safe.”

“I’m fine. But I have no idea what we’re going to do. I mean, we have insurance, but replacing all those books is not going to be easy.” Thinking about it made my head hurt.

I changed the topic and chatted a little bit longer with Declan until I heard a little voice in the background.

“I apologize. Drake had a nightmare and I have to go read to him so he’ll go back to sleep,” he said.

Aw. “Oh, no, it’s fine. Go do what you have to do. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Goodnight, Blair.”

“Goodnight, Declan.”

My heart almost stopped when we walked through the library on Thursday. The front was mostly unharmed, but a lot of the books had water damage. And the children’s room? It was almost completely destroyed.

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling from my eyes as I walked through the ashes of the formerly beautiful room.

I’d had to wear plastic bags over my shoes and a mask so I didn’t breathe in ash.

“We think the fire started here,” the investigator said, pointing to a bucket that people used to put out their cigarette butts. I didn’t know how he’d come to that conclusion, but he seemed to know what he was doing. Madeline squeezed my hand as tears glistened in her eyes.

“We’ll rebuild. We can do this.” She seemed confident, but I wasn’t sure. Libraries weren’t exactly rolling in money, and we barely had enough to maintain the building, pay the bills and employees with just a little left over. But the wheels in Madeline’s head were turning and I knew that the next few days were going to be spent planning a lavish fund-raising gala.

After I left the library, I took my time getting back home. I got groceries, filled my car with gas and checked my post office box.

The apartment was too quiet in the middle of the day and it felt wrong to be there, especially without Raine.

I did mindless chores and turned the television on so it seemed like there was another person with me. I even took down all the curtains and washed them, which I couldn’t remember doing, ever.

I thought about texting Declan, but I didn’t want to seem too needy. He had a job and things to do during the day. I also had things to do. Namely writing.

I fired up my laptop and read over what Raine and I had worked on the last time we’d written. The Dixon revelation had changed the entire story. It was darker now, more intense. I loved it. We usually wrote more fluffy romances, but this was something different and I had the feeling our fans were going to love it too. Or else they’d hate it and it would be lambasted in reviews and we’d never get a book contract again. It could only go one of two ways.

I was just getting into my groove when my phone buzzed. I should have shut it off, but I didn’t want to miss a call from Madeline.

Thinking of you. The message was from Declan. Those three words made my heart race.

Are you busy? I wasn’t sure how to respond.

Maybe. Why do you ask?

His reply was quick. Talented fingers.

Because I was hoping that I could see you.

A smile spread itself across my face. I was a hot mess, and I had my writing clothes on, but I could change and get presentable in the time it took him to get here.

I think that could be arranged. I’m at home. I got up and pulled the elastic out of my hair. I should probably at least brush it before he showed up.

Good.

I was about to respond, but there was a knock at the door. Probably the UPS guy bringing a package. Raine and I had a tendency to online shop when we were procrastinating.

I opened the door, prepared to receive said package. But it wasn’t the UPS guy.

It was Declan.

“Oh my God,” I said, nearly dropping my phone.

“I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d stop by.” He pulled another book from behind his back. White Oleander. I wondered when he’d run out of flower-themed books. Not for a long time, I hoped.

I took the book and ran my hand through my uncombed hair.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting anyone other than the UPS guy, so I’m not exactly date ready.” Why, oh why had he come when I looked like ass?

“What are you talking about? You look gorgeous.” I let him in and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. So proper.

“You’re just trying to get in my yoga pants, aren’t you? Do they turn you on?” I was joking, but from the way he looked at me, apparently yoga pants were an aphrodisiac.

“That’s not my only reason for visiting, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you.” Same here. I decided that jumping him wasn’t the best move, so I distracted myself from my lustful thoughts by giving him a tour, skipping over my desk and closing my laptop when he looked at something on the wall.

“What’s this?” he said, pointing to a stack of printed out pages that Raine had been editing. It helped us get a new perspective on the words if we edited on paper.

“Oh, Raine’s, um, taking this class and she had to write a paper or something. You couldn’t pay me to go back to school, am I right?” I tried to laugh it off and lead him away from potentially discovering my secret.

“Oh, crap, I forgot you were in college. Stet what I just said.”

“Stet?” he asked, moving away from the desk.

“It’s an editing term. Means ‘forget what I just did and keep it the way it was.’ So forget what I just said and pretend I never said it.” God, I needed to get things back on track.

“Said what?” He threw a smile over his shoulder as he walked around the living room. I panicked, because we had a few of our books on the shelves.

“Exactly. Hey, do you want something to drink?” I needed to draw him away from the books. Away. Maybe I could flash my boobs. That would certainly distract him.

“Ah, water is fine.” His eyes skimmed the room, and I knew I was being inspected.

“It’s not as clean as it should be,” I said, standing in front of the sink full of dishes.

“Have you ever noticed that people say that, but really, their place is spotless? Everyone likes to pretend they’re cleaner than they actually are,” he said.

I shook my head at how right he was.

“Okay, so this is cleaner than it usually is. Man, you have a bullshit detector, don’t you? Is that a British thing?” He came over and took the glass of water from my hand and sipping it, licked the excess water from his lips. Sexy as hell.

“Yes. And if you idiots hadn’t decided you were too good for the monarchy, you’d have it too.”

I glared at him. “Damn Brits. Hoarding your knowledge and tea.”

“You were the ones who threw it in the harbor, so don’t come crying to me.” Feeling a little parched, I poured myself a glass of water and we sipped in silence.

“So, be honest. You were honest about the clean house. Do I look like crap?” I asked. He drained his glass and set it down on the counter next to me.

“No. You do not. Unless by crap, you mean beautiful and soft and like I want to take you to the bedroom and never let you leave. Then yes, you look like absolute crap, Blair.”

His hand stroked the side of my face.

“Well. If that’s what crap looks like, then I guess I’m cool with looking like it.” He moved closer, placing both hands against the counter, caging me in with his body. But I didn’t feel trapped. Far from it.

“I like knowing that you didn’t expect me,” he said.

“Do you?” His proximity sucked the air out of my lungs.

“Your flatmate is at work?”

“Yes. Yes. She won’t be back until tonight.” This was happening. I’d always fantasized about a guy who liked me in my sloppy writing attire and still wanted to bang me.

“So we have some time.”

“Yup. Lots of time.” His hand drifted down my face to my neck, where my pulse hammered like a drum. I was sure he could see and feel how fast it beat.

“Are you nervous about having me here?”

“Yeah. Little bit. I wasn’t prepared for it. I usually reserve the apartment tour for at least the third date. But you jumped the gun, mister.” I tried for playful, but the effect was dulled by my crazy beating heart.

“I apologize,” he said, sounding not the least bit sorry.

“Just wait until I show up at your place when you’re not expecting me. Just you wait.”

“Is that so?” He pressed his body into mine, and I was semi-startled by the hardness in his pants that brushed my stomach.

“Yes. It is so.” I didn’t even know what I was saying anymore as his face dipped closer and his mouth threatened to collide with mine.

Desperate to touch him, I rested my hands on his shoulders, remembering how lovely his back had looked in the lamplight of the hotel room. With my scratches and bite marks on it.

“Shall we make our way to the bedroom?” he asked. That seemed logical, and I tried to remember if my bedroom was ready to entertain in. More likely than not, a pair or two of underwear littered the floor, and I definitely hadn’t made my bed. I mean, what was the point? I was just going to sleep in it again and get it all messed up tonight. Unless I had company, there was no point. But I hadn’t taken surprise company into that equation.

“As long as you don’t judge it for not being as clean as I would like it to be the first time you saw it.”

“Well, if it also looks like crap, then I’m sure I’ll be fine with it.”

He released me and took my hand.

“Lead the way,” he said.

There was underwear on the floor, my sheets and blankets were all over the place and there were a bunch of other things out of place that I would have taken care of if I’d known I’d be having a visitor. But I only spared a passing thought to those things before my mind and my body and everything else focused on Declan.

“You like books,” he observed.

“A little bit, yeah.” Another occupational hazard of being a writer, especially a successful one. People were always sending you books, and sometimes, they were signed. Raine and I had amassed a large collection, including advance copies of some books that weren’t even published yet. I had a few on my nightstand, waiting to be read so Raine and I could come up with a blurb that would be printed on the final cover. Apparently, our endorsement of a book meant something.

“I’ve told you that I like a well-read woman. Well-read women tend to know more about a wide range of topics. And you can never be bored with a woman who reads.” His eyes flicked over the titles of the books and then settled back on me.

“It’s also true of men who read,” I said, and he quirked an eyebrow before putting his hand on my stomach, pushing me back toward the bed. Of course, I stumbled over a pair of underwear and had to lean down and unhook it from my foot.

“See? This is what you get when you surprise me. My underwear tries to kill me.” I tossed the pair toward my hamper.

“I’ll save you if it tries again. I read a book about disarming murderous knickers.” A snort of laughter escaped my mouth and I couldn’t help it.

“Did you just say ‘knickers’?”

“Why, do you think that’s funny?” he said. I just nodded and tried to swallow more laughter.

He backed me up again, until the backs of my legs hit the edge of my bed. It was déjà vu from our night at the hotel.

“I intend to remove your knickers and have them join the other pair.”

“I’m okay with that,” I said, reaching for his shirt. “I’d also like your knickers to be removed as well.”

“Would you?” He let me pull his shirt over his head. “Do you work out?” He gave me a look. It was kind of random, but I wanted to know.

“Sometimes. Most of my workouts are interrupted by Drake and I’d rather spend time with him, to be honest. But yes, I run sometimes. Why do you ask?” I ran my hands up and down his chest, over his stomach and his nipples and over his shoulders. He wasn’t extremely muscled, but I’d never gone for that look. Who wanted a guy whose head was too small for his body just because he could bench press a car? No thanks, I’ll pass.

“Because I was curious.” There were still a few red marks, and even small bruises from me. “Oh, and sorry about the biting.”

“Love, you can bite me all you want.” Okay, that sounded like I’d turned into a vampire. I started to say something else, but he silenced me as he reached for the bottom of my sweatshirt and pulled it over my head, managing to not strangle me with the neck. A valuable skill to have in a man. One who could remove your clothes without injuring you.

I didn’t have a bra on under my shirt. I usually removed it when I wrote. Bras tended to strangle creativity and were uncomfortable most of the time anyway.

“Would it be unwise to assume that due to the fact you had nothing on under your top you have nothing on under those pants?” I wished I could say yes, but going commando had never really been my style.

“Sorry. But I will definitely let you remove them. So, you have that to look forward to.”

In response, he grabbed the drawstring of my pants and pulled it until it came undone.

“Uh-uh,” I said, taking the strings from his hands. “Last time I was the first one naked. Not fair.”

“Oh, you want equal nudity do you?” He started to undo his belt, but I batted his hands away so I could do it myself. Using his belt loops to steer him around, I turned us so he was the one closest to the bed.

“Taking charge?”

In response, I undid his belt and pushed his pants and boxers down his legs, crouching down in front of him.

“There are benefits to you getting naked first,” I said, pulling his shoes and his pants over his feet. “Let me show you.”

“You’re quite good at this, you know,” he said a little while later, his head propped on his arm as he stared down at me.

“That’s because I’m a courtesan,” I said, flipping his hair out of his eyes. “I went through extensive training.”

“How extensive?”

“Very,” I said, drawing the word out. “You haven’t seen anything yet. I’m going to rock your world.”

“You already have.” He’d rocked mine a little bit as well.

“So here’s a question for you,” I said, shifting the sheet up a little. “What are we doing?” I hated to have the “we need to define what this thing that we’re doing is” conversation in regular relationships, but I needed to know where he stood.

“Do you mean right now, or in general?” He shifted closer to me, stroking my stomach over the sheet.

“In general.”

“Why do I suddenly feel as if I’m about to fall into a trap?” he said. I rolled onto my side.

“I’m not trying to trap you, honestly. I’m just curious.”

“You want to know how I feel about you.” It was a statement more than a question.

“Now I feel like the one who’s about to fall into a trap,” I said. He laughed for a moment and then sighed.

“I like you, Blair. But I’m not sure that I’m ready right now to define this. To put it in a box. Boxes tend to be . . . confining. I’m not sure I should tell you this, but I’ve been married before. To Drake’s mother.” I knew that already, but I tried so show surprise as he told me.

“Did something happen to her?” This pretending business was harder than I thought it would be. I couldn’t look at him, and instead stared at his chest.

“I’d rather not talk about it. But we’re not together and I have full custody of Drake.” For the first time, hurt and anger colored his voice and I had a pang of guilt. My eyes scanned up his neck to his jaw, which was clenched tight.

“That’s very, um, admirable. That you were willing to take him.” His jaw clenched even tighter and he shook his head.

“He’s my son. I wasn’t going to let him go. He belongs with me.” The fierceness of his words had a direct line to my tear ducts and I pretended I had something in my eye so I could wipe them.

“Do you want to talk about something else? I’m sorry I brought it up,” I said, inching away from him a little. I didn’t know him well enough to know how to deal with his sudden change of mood.

But then his jaw relaxed and his eyes softened.

“No, it’s all right. It’s only natural that you’d be curious. What else do you want to know?” Pretending I didn’t already know the answer, I asked my next question.

“How old were you when he was born?”

“Nearly twenty.”

“Wow,” I said, and it was the thought I’d had when I’d first read the information.

“I was a bit rash in my youth. Some only have a tattoo, or an arrest to remember their younger days by. But I have Drake. I think I got the better deal.” He smiled, and it was as if the storm cloud had passed. Naturally, his divorce would be a tender spot.

I looked down before I spoke again.

“Did you love her?”

He seemed thrown off by the question and he was silent for a long time.

“At the time, yes.” His words were nothing but whispers, and I almost apologized again for asking. It was none of my business to be asking for him to bear his soul when I was, for all intents and purposes, using him.

Raine had never mentioned that part of the plan. Guilt washed over me when I thought about all the things I knew about Declan, and how I’d deceived him and continued to deceive him.

I wasn’t this girl. I didn’t want to be this girl.

“I’m sorry,” I said, the words finally coming out of my mouth. I couldn’t hold them back. He didn’t know what I was sorry for, which made me want to apologize even more.

“You don’t have to apologize, Blair. I wouldn’t have shared it with you if I didn’t want to.” True, but it didn’t erase the fact that I was still lying to him.

“Don’t you want to ask me any questions?” I said, peeking up from the sheet.

“Maybe. Will you answer them?” The sweet, flirty energy had returned, but the corners were still tinged with guilt. Maybe telling him some of my personal information would help.

“Sure.”

“Do you fancy me?” I giggled and moved closer to him. His hand stroked its way up and down my side, and I had the feeling that we weren’t going to be talking for long.

“Yes, Declan. I do. That much is obvious. I don’t normally have sex with people I’m not attracted to. Happy?” He started inching the sheet down my shoulder. Question time was going to be over soon.

“Do you like me enough to have dinner with me tonight?”

What a silly question.

“I’m not sure. I’ll have to think about that.” The sheet twitched lower, exposing my breasts. He paused, stroking the underside of one with his finger.

“What could I do to change your mind?” The finger circled upward until it brushed my nipple.

“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” I said.

“Oh my God,” I moaned a while later as Declan set to work convincing me to go to dinner with him by torturing me with orgasms. But a sound that had nothing to do with him going down on me penetrated my sex haze.

“Lucy, I’m home!” Raine called, slamming the front door behind her.

Declan’s head popped up from its place between my legs.

“Walt? You taking a nap?” Well, if I would have been, her voice definitely would have woken me.

“Shit,” I said, scrambling out of bed and throwing on the sweatshirt I’d been wearing. Declan just lay in bed, fully naked. As if he didn’t mind if Raine found us.

“Hide,” I hissed at him, but he just shook his head.

“Walt? You here?” Raine knocked on the door once, but then she busted right in. “Hey—Holy shit!” Her eyes went wide at seeing Declan in my bed and me trying to pull my pants on. And then she slapped her hand over her eyes.

“Raine! You have to wait for me to answer after you knock. How many times have we talked about this?” She’d walked in on me and my vibrator several times, but at least it had just been me. But Declan didn’t seem too upset. He’d just pulled the sheet over a strategic area and said, “You must be Raine.”

I pulled my pants on the rest of the way as Raine gaped at Declan.

“Hi,” she said before I marched over, grabbed her arm and yanked her into the living room.

“Holy shit, he’s here,” she said in a loud whisper. “And you were totally banging him.” She held her hand up for a high five, but I just glared.

“What? I’m happy for you. This is going really well.”

I glanced back at my bedroom door and then forced Raine to go into her bedroom and shut the door.

“He just showed up and one thing led to another. I’m seriously in over my head here,” I hissed at her.

Raine flopped on her bed and removed the clunky but supportive shoes she wore to work.

“I feel like shit, Raine. Why did you have to give me that dossier?”

“Hey, I didn’t hold a gun to your head and force you to read it.” I resisted the urge to punch her in the vag.

“I take responsibility for reading it, but what the hell do I do about it now? Do I tell him? I should tell him.” Raine shook her head violently back and forth.

“No way. You do not tell him. Because if you tell him now, it’ll be over.”

“Maybe it should be over. I just don’t see how this can keep going if I’m not honest with him.”

“Why do you have to be honest with him? I mean, right now you’re going on dates and screwing. He’s not your boyfriend. You’re not exclusive. You don’t have to bear your soul, Blair. This isn’t that kind of relationship.” Raine was much better at the casual sex thing. I tended to be all or nothing. Either I was with someone, completely, or not.

“But—” I started to say.

Raine stood up and put her hand over my mouth.

“You’re not going to marry this guy. And how do you know that he’s not hiding something from you?”

I pulled her hand from my mouth.

“Because you looked up everything about him!” It took me a second to realize I’d yelled it. My eyes flew to the closed door, hoping Declan was still in my room and hadn’t heard my outburst. That would definitely signal the death knell of this little relationship. Or whatever it was.

“Look, I can go out if you need some more time. Or I can just make myself scarce,” Raine said as I pulled her door open and peeked out into the living room. No Declan.

I tiptoed back to my room and knocked on the door.

“Yes?” he said.

“It’s me. Are you decent?”

“Do you want me to be?” Ah, answering a question with a question. I just responded by opening the door. Declan, fully-dressed, was in the process of shoving his shoes back on.

“Hey,” I said, closing the door behind me. “Sorry about that.”

“I think I’ll recover. Is Raine all right?”

“Oh, I think she’ll recover as well. That wasn’t how I planned on you meeting her.” Not even close.

“I could fake selective amnesia, if you’d like.” He grinned at me and stood.

“That’s sweet, but you don’t have to do that.” Declan in clothes was secondary only to seeing him naked on the Sexy Scale. He really had a great body.

“It seems this would be a good time for me to take my leave. Did I manage to convince you about dinner tonight?” I finally smiled.

“Yes.”

“Pick you up at seven?”

“Uh huh.” He strode toward me, took my face in his hands and planted a sweet kiss on my mouth.

“See you soon.”

“Bye,” I said. He opened my door and I followed him to the front door. Raine’s door opened and she poked her head out.

“Nice to meet you! And I don’t think you look that much like Draco Malfoy.” Declan stopped and turned as I gestured to Raine behind his back.

Declan stared at Raine for a second and her face went red.

“Thank you for the compliment. I think. And I hope to see you again. Pleasure to meet you. Goodbye, Blair.” He winked at me and left.

“Damn, that is one sexy man,” Raine said, leaning against the frame of her door. I thought about getting after her for the Draco Malfoy comment, but it wasn’t worth it.

“I don’t like it when things are up in the air. I like having them nailed down. I’m already out of my element with this thing,” I said to Raine as she was making dinner for herself before my date.

“And besides, with everything happening with the library, this seems like a bad time to be doing anything.” I could hear the excuses coming out of my mouth, but some of them really were valid.

“Look, if you want to tell him, go ahead. I’m not going to stop you. But are you prepared to deal with what happens if you tell him?” She pointed her spatula at me.

“I feel like you’re advocating building a relationship on lies and that sounds like setting off a ticking time bomb.”

She poured me a glass of wine and slid it across the table like an old-timey barkeep. I probably shouldn’t be pre-drinking before my date, but I needed something to calm my nerves a little.

“No, I’m not advocating lying. I’m just saying that, if you don’t want this to be a long-term thing, and your only goal is to get some great sex and free dinners out of him, what’s the harm? I mean, telling the truth isn’t always the right thing to do. Look at Game of Thrones,” she said it as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

“How is Game of Thrones relevant right now?”

Her eyes narrowed to a dangerous level. “How dare you. Game of Thrones is always relevant.” I wasn’t even going to touch that one. Sure, I loved GoT as much as the next person, but Raine took it to another level.

“I’m not good at this.” I sipped my wine and toyed with the idea of canceling the date altogether. Sure, it would be awkward and he’d be hurt, and he probably wouldn’t let Drake go to the library anymore. He could poof out of my life and I wouldn’t even notice the difference.

Except . . .

Except I didn’t want to do that. I liked him and I wanted to spend more time with him. And maybe the whole stalker thing wouldn’t be an issue. I mean, how did I know he didn’t do the same thing? Maybe he had. Oh my God, what if he had?

“Whoa, slow the panic train. Take that thing back to the station.” Raine had seen my change in mood and abandoned her grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich to give me a hug.

“Where is your head at?” she said, peering into my eyes as if they would give her some clue.

“Nowhere.” I shook my head, trying to clear it. “Seriously, it’s nothing.” There was a knock at the door and I got up and went to answer it. Raine started to dash to her room, but I motioned for her to stay.

“Hey,” I said, giving him the once over. That man was made to wear a suit. Hot damn. His tie was ice blue and I’d worn a sapphire dress so we looked like we were almost matching.

“Stunning. Captivating,” he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. This time he handed me a children’s book.

“I saw this and it reminded me of your tattoos,” he said as I looked at the cover of The Complete Book of Flower Fairies. In fact, I had a tattoo from this book and I quickly flipped through and found it.

“See?” He laughed when he saw the image and Raine cleared her throat. Both our heads snapped in her direction. She just waved using her spatula.

“’Sup?”

“Hello, Raine. Nice to see you again,” Declan said, doffing an imaginary cap.

“Very nice to make your acquaintance, sir. And may I say you look mighty fine in that suit?” She put on the fake southern accent she used when she mocked my mother. It was all in good fun, and I had a tendency to join in.

Declan seemed a little taken aback by Raine, but he recovered quickly.

“You may say so, ma’am and might I say that you look lovely this evening as well?” Surprised laughter burst from both Raine and me.

“I didn’t know you could do accents,” I said. He’d done nearly a perfect Georgia drawl, right out of Gone With The Wind. “I mean, other than the one you already have.” Raine skipped over and put her hand up.

“High five, Brit.” He slapped her hand and I stifled another giggle. For some reason, Declan doing a high five with anyone other than Drake was humorous.

“Thank you. And I apologize this morning, if you got more of a show than you intended. Modesty isn’t one of my virtues,” he said. He’d definitely been comfortable naked. I liked that. Although, if I was a man and I looked like him, I’d walk around naked.

“Hey, do what you gotta do. I’m not complaining.” Raine winked at me.

“Okay, this is getting into weird territory, so I think we should head out, yes?” I said, getting my bag before looking on in horror as Raine crooked her finger at Declan and then whispered something in his ear. He listened and then nodded. She patted him on the shoulder and then they both swiveled their heads around, as if they’d just realized I was there.

“Oh, please. Don’t let me interrupt whatever you’ve got going on over there,” I said, holding my hands up. Raine just rolled her eyes and snatched my unfinished glass of wine.

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Get out of here, you two. Go on.” She motioned and Declan came back over to me.

“And what were you two talking about?” I asked as he led me out the door.

“Nothing you need to be concerned about, Blair. I swear.” He had a smile on his face when he said it, so I believed him. It was probably something silly, knowing Raine, so it was low on the list of things I was going to stress about.

“Any news on the library?” he said as we rode the elevator down to the first floor.

“No, not yet. We’re doing a walkthrough tomorrow and I think the insurance company will be there to assess the damage. I really don’t want to think about how much it’s going to cost to get everything up and running again.”

We got out on the first floor and he held the front door for me.

“I shouldn’t have brought it up,” he said.

“No, it’s okay. It’s nice that you care. It’s just sad for all the kids. No more story time for a while.” The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t want to think about it.

“Maybe you could find a temporary space?” Declan held the car door open for me and I slid into the leather seat. So, we meet again.

“That still won’t replace the books, but I’m sure Madeline will come up with something. She wouldn’t let our patrons go bookless.” She’d buy all the books herself if she had to.

“I’m sure you’ll all think of something.”

I nodded and turned on his music.

“Still earning points, am I?” He pulled out of the parking space as the car filled with the sounds of “One” by Ed Sheeran.

“I love this song,” I said, closing my eyes so I could absorb as much sound as possible without the visual distraction of Declan. “You get two points for this one.”

He chuckled, and I opened my eyes. The lights from the car behind us illuminated Declan from behind. I almost wanted to ask if we could just drive around all night so I could stare at him.

“I have to ask you something,” he said, putting an end to my silent ogling.

“Yes?”

“Do you think I look like Draco Malfoy?” I held my laughter and shook my head.

“No. Not really. I mean, you have similar hair and you’re British. But you’re not evil and your dad isn’t a racist, elitist asshole. Or maybe he is?” Declan hadn’t talked much about his family, except for Drake, and the dossier hadn’t said much in the way of the elder Mr. Bennet’s personality.

“Some might say that, perhaps, but no. My father is a sweet man. Sometimes a little too sweet, I think. People like to take advantage, seeing it as a weakness.”

“I’ve always thought the kindest people are the strongest. At least that’s been true in my life.” Madeline had given me a job when some others would have turned me down flat. I couldn’t count the number of times she’d done little things for others, but she didn’t want anyone to know, or get any credit for.

“That is most certainly true.” We shared one of those glances where you both know exactly what the other one is thinking. I felt myself blushing, and I broke eye contact first. A little voice in the back of my head reminded me that I was a dirty, nasty liar and I shouldn’t be going out with him.

I turned the music up to drown it out.

“Where are we going?” It was déjà vu from the first date.

Declan just shook his head and kept driving.

“Can you at least tell me if you’re going to try to top the first date, or if the first date was a fluke to get me into bed and now you’re going to cease trying to woo me and it’s all going to be downhill now?” From everything I’d learned so far about Declan, I had the feeling that the second thing probably wasn’t true. Right?

“What do you think?”

“I think that there is a lot more to you than meets the eye, Declan Bennet.”

He laughed again.

“I like that answer.”

Unlike the first date, tonight we headed for the city, and I started running the various possible locations through my mind. We’d definitely have a better chance of finding a hotel room if we ended up ripping each other’s clothes off again. I was hoping for that to be part of the date. He needed to finish what he’d been in the middle of this afternoon. My womanly bits tingled in anticipation.

Declan pulled into a parking garage in the heart of the city. Damn. No clues there.

We somehow found a spot on the second level, and Declan took my hand as we walked down the stairs. I was surprised a little, but let him hold it. He had long fingers that tapered at the tips. I was familiar with the skill of those fingers and the fact that they had quite an accurate reach.

“Do you play the piano?” The question was out of left field, but he didn’t seem perturbed by it.

“Some, and not in a long time. My mother always wanted me to, but I didn’t have the talent for it. And I’ll let you in on a secret.” He leaned down and put his mouth close to my ear.

“I was a terrible student.” I found that hard to believe. He’d done so well at everything else. But, everyone had flaws. If his was that he was a bad piano player, I’d take it.

“Why do you ask?” he said.

We came out at street level and turned left.

“You have piano-playing hands. And you’re very good with your fingers.” I knew he saw my blush in the waning light of the sun.

“Am I?” He seemed surprised-slash-pleased. Hadn’t I made it obvious how good he was, based on my begging and screaming and praising his existence?

“Little bit,” I said. “Just a little bit.”

When we stopped in front of the restaurant, I wondered if he was joking.

“Is this for real?” He just held the door open for me and waited. Smiling and shaking my head at him, I walked into the only southern comfort restaurant in a sixty-mile radius of where I lived. I tended to avoid anything that reminded me of my mother, so I’d never eaten here before, but I’d heard all kinds of rave reviews.

Soft piano music greeted us as the server weaved through the tables to the back of the restaurant, where there was a little patio lined in crushed stones and one small table with two chairs. A little fire burned in what looked like a metal bowl next to the table and twinkle lights dripped on the branches of the potted trees that formed a little canopy, with the sky peeking out here and there.

A private oasis.

Declan held my chair out for me and then the hostess handed me a menu.

“Can I start y’all with some drinks?” The girl’s accent was thick and had a Mississippi twang to it. I wondered if all the servers were imported.

“What would you recommend?” Declan said, but he was looking at me. “If I wanted to really get the experience of being in the south?” The hostess stared at him, as if he’d spoken another language.

“If you want to go non-alcoholic, sweet tea,” I said for her. I didn’t want to be the only one drinking booze, so that was the next best thing.

Declan smiled at me. “Then two sweet teas, please.” The hostess blushed and nodded, saying she’d put that right in for us.

“Maybe you do have magical powers. You rendered her kinda speechless,” I said as I scanned the menu. It definitely was southern comfort food. If you were on a diet, this was not the place to come, that was for sure. I could feel my thighs getting fatter just staring at the menu. Macaroni and cheese, fried green tomatoes, grits (served three ways), pulled pork, ribs, barbecue chicken. The gang was all here.

Our waiter arrived and he also had a drawl, but it almost sounded put on. Was that a job requirement? To make “atmosphere”?

I ordered the fried green tomatoes, cheese grits, collard greens and the roast chicken. Declan got the same.

“You don’t have to copy me, you know. You could have ordered something else.”

“I know. But I think you know what’s good and what’s not, so I trust your judgment.” He sat back in his chair and I watched the firelight flicker on his face.

“Well, that is flattering. Have you never had southern food?” I said.

“Not really. I haven’t had occasion to travel much in the south. I mostly stay in New England.” I asked him about more of his travels, and about where he’d grown up.

“I haven’t been back in several years. We came to the States when I was seventeen. My father had made some contacts and found a job here, so we moved.”

“That must have been hard.” I sipped my sweet tea, and it was as if I’d traveled through time and space to back when my grandmother lived in Atlanta and she’d serve it to us on her porch in the summer while we tried not to melt from the heat.

“I suppose.” Apparently I’d touched a sore subject, although, this time I wasn’t sure what exactly it was he didn’t want to discuss. Most of the information I’d seen on him had been more recent.

As the glow of the sun faded into the night, Declan and I talked and drank sweet tea and ate and I realized, once again, how much I liked him. Not just a little like. Not just a crush, like the one I’d had on a boy band member when I was twelve. This was the start of something that could be much deeper and it freaked the fuck out of me. Hardcore.

This was moving fast, and moving toward something I didn’t think I was ready for. Not to mention all the crap about me lying to him. That would probably be a deal breaker for him. Or at least it should be. I started thinking about flipping the situation around. Would I still want to see him if I knew that he’d looked up every detail of my life online? If he’d wanted to go out with me so he could use me to write a book? Hell no. I mean, definitely not. I wouldn’t.

Maybe? Maybe if he was really sorry?

“What are you thinking about?” he asked because I’d stopped talking.

“Nothing. Just how nice this is.” My voice sounded false to my ears, and Declan’s eyebrows contracted just enough for me to see that he was skeptical of what I’d just said. “Sorry. That’s a lie. I was just thinking . . . I mean.” I took a deep breath and tried to gather my thoughts.

“I have to tell you something.”

I tried to extract the words from my mouth, but the waiter chose that moment to come and ask us if we wanted dessert.

“Could you give us a moment?” Declan said, and the waiter was smart enough to see that we were in the middle of something, so he mumbled that he’d be back in a few minutes.

Declan’s icy stare, and the interruption of the waiter made the words stick in my throat.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“For what?”

Too many things to list. I tried to say just one of them. If I could say one, then the rest would come out.

The words were on the tip of my tongue when Declan’s phone rang.

“That’s Ada’s ringtone. I apologize, I need to take this.” I waved my hand to indicate that he should and he got up from the table and answered. His posture went rigid and then he started speaking in short hard words. Something must be wrong. His voice was too low for me to hear, but it was the kind of conversation that you could figure out without words. He hung up and turned back to me.

“Drake has a fever and he’s asking for me. He’s had a bad bout with ear infections, so I need to go to him.”

“No, no, absolutely.” I was relieved that I’d gotten off the hook, but it was for a sucky reason.

“Would you mind terribly if we went straight to my place so I could check on him? Then I could find you another way home?” His face was tight with concern, and his fingers gripped his phone in anxiety.

“No, not at all.” Declan grabbed my hand again, but this time he held it almost too hard. As if he was scared and needed something to hang onto. I was more than willing to fill that role. We walked as fast as we could back to the parking garage and then headed to his place.

It was a short drive to his house, and even shorter because he drove fast. The car was built for speeding down the Autobahn, and it ate up the miles.

Raine had helpfully included pictures of the exterior of his home in the dossier, so I was prepared for it when we pulled up in front of a brick house just outside the city. What the picture hadn’t shown was the swing set in the front yard and the various toys that littered the lawn. Declan was so put together that it seemed out of place with the rest of him, but sweet nonetheless. He didn’t bother to put the car in the garage, just parked next to what I assumed was Ada’s little red sports car.

He rushed to the front door, and I walked after him, feeling a little out of place in this situation. I was sure he forgot about me as he pushed open the front door and took the stairs that swept down into the foyer two at a time. I was left to close the door and wonder if I was supposed to go after him, or wait. What the hell was the protocol here?

I decided on hanging in the foyer for the moment. Damn, this house was nice. Globe lights hung from the ceiling in a cluster above my head and floors of dark hardwood shone in the light. There were more toys here and there, the bright colors clashing with the more classic decorations. Declan (or whoever had decorated) had style and there were subtle touches from his childhood everywhere. A framed picture of the British flag on the wall, a toy model of a double decker bus, a vase painted with a pastoral scene and filled with fresh flowers. There were also beautiful black and white photographs of Drake interspersed with the décor. Drake’s presence was everywhere.

Voices upstairs caught my attention, and then Ada appeared.

“Is everything okay?” I asked. She wasn’t exactly the person I wanted to see, but I didn’t have a choice. She flounced down the stairs as if she owned the place.

“Yes, he should be fine. I debated about calling, but Declan is such a good father.” No shit, girlfriend. I knew Declan was a good father. I didn’t need her to tell me that. Clearly, this girl wanted to take Declan’s ex-wife’s place. Well, she wanted everything that went with the place, but she didn’t seem so keen on being a mother. For someone who worked with children, her attire wasn’t kid-friendly at all, and she never looked like she got down and dirty or played any games.

When Ada finally reached the bottom of the stairs, she looked at me as if I’d tracked mud on the hardwood floors. Our staredown was interrupted by Declan arriving at the top of the stairs with Drake draped over his shoulder.

“He wanted to come say hello,” Declan said in explanation as he carried Drake down the stairs.

I walked up and met them halfway, Ada silently fuming behind me. Drake lifted his head and cracked his eyes open. He had on a set of striped pajamas that were a little too big for him.

“Hi Blair,” his sleepy voice said.

“Hey, buddy. How are you feeling?” His lower lip stuck out.

“Yucky.”

“Yeah, that’s what your daddy said. Why don’t you go up to bed and rest so you can get better?” I smoothed his hair away from his sweaty forehead. Damn, the kid was burning up.

“Will you read to me?” He could have asked for a kidney and I would have sliced my stomach open right there.

“Sure, bud.” I looked at Declan and he nodded that it would be okay. Together we walked the rest of the way back up the stairs and down the hall to Drake’s room. It had an airplane theme, with little models hanging from the ceiling and a bed with helicopters painted on the headboard.

Declan gently placed Drake in his bed and came to speak quietly to me.

“You don’t have to stay.”

“Declan. I read stories to children all day. It’s my job.” He almost said something else, but then changed his mind.

I crouched by Drake’s bed.

“What book would you like me to read you?” He thought about that for a minute, his poor little brain working way too hard.

“Doggy book,” he said, his eyelids fluttering closed. Usually I was good at that game, but “doggy book” could literally mean a thousand different things. But, of course, his father knew exactly which book and handed it to me as I settled myself on the edge of Drake’s bed. The book was standard generic fare. Not my favorite, but Drake was still in that early reading stage where he liked books with pictures of dogs in them, regardless of the quality of the content. I’d have to work on that, but he was still young. There was plenty of time to guide his tastes in the right direction.

I read the book three times, until his breathing deepened and I could tell he was asleep. I got up slowly from the bed, wary of waking him if I moved too fast. Declan nodded to me and we both tiptoed out of the room and closed the door. He took my arm and led me further down the hall into what, I could only assume, was his bedroom.

“Is everything okay? You seemed really worried,” I said and he almost looked like he was going to hug me, but then he just leaned against the door.

“I’m fine. Nervous father, I suppose. I apologize for ruining our date.” Was he for real?

“Are you kidding? Your sick child did not ruin our date. Life happens. You’re a father and that’s part of who you are. If I want to be with you, I have to accept that part of your life.” Shit. I didn’t mean to have it come out like that.

“Be with me?” He definitely caught that part.

“I mean, do whatever this is that we’re doing. And it’s not like hanging out with Drake is some sort of sacrifice. He’s a great kid. But you don’t need me to tell you that.” He finally smiled and I moved closer to him, stroking the lapel of his jacket.

“I’ll just call a cab or something to take me home.” He looked down at me in confusion.

“Right. No, you don’t have to do that. I can take you.”

“No, no. You stay with Drake. I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl.” In more ways than one.

But he was adamant and shook his head.

“No, I was probably being melodramatic. He’s asleep so there’s not much I can do for him at the moment.” He pushed some of my hair back and the air sizzled between us. It definitely wasn’t the right time or place, but I wanted him. So much that I envisioned throwing him back on his bed and ravishing him until he begged me for mercy.

My less-lusty instincts prevailed and I stepped away from him. I was just glad he hadn’t suggested Ada drive me home. That would have been an unpleasant experience to say the least.

Declan checked on Drake one more time before we walked back downstairs. Ada sat on a chair in the formal living room to the left of the foyer. Or perched was a better term. Like a lady sitting on a throne. I really didn’t want to hate her, but she made it difficult not to. Maybe, deep down inside, she was a lovely human being. But all I saw was bitch.

“I’m going to drive Blair home. Would you mind staying with him?” Declan said, his hand resting on my lower back. Ada’s eyes missed nothing, and she definitely saw the contact.

“Not at all, Mr. Bennet.” Her tone dripped with “I would do anything for you, Mr. Bennet.” Blech. Declan seemed oblivious, and ushered me out the front door.

“I apologize. How rude of me. I should have given you the tour,” he said as we walked back to the car.

“Another time. Don’t worry about it. Do you Brits apologize for everything?” That finally got him to laugh and he opened the door for me.

“We’re quite good at it, aren’t we?”

“And standing in lines. Or queuing as you’d say.” I loved British words. They were so much better and nicer sounding than the American phrases for things.

“We are good at that as well,” he said, backing out of the driveway. “I am sorry about our night getting cut short.”

“Did you have big plans?”

“Perhaps.” Definitely.

“So maybe we should reschedule?” He nodded and we started talking about when we could see each other next. He had a night class tomorrow and confessed that he’d been getting behind in his coursework in the past few days.

“I’m not sorry,” I said. “Not that I don’t want you to do well in school. That came out wrong.”

“No, no. It’s my fault. Letting you be my beautiful distraction.” I liked the sound of that. I’d also been using him as my distraction from writing.

“So how about the weekend?” After a little wrangling, we decided that Saturday night was best. It would also give me and Raine some time to get caught back up on everything before our editor and agent held us hostage so we’d finish.

I hadn’t told him about the cyber stalking. I’d gotten interrupted and hadn’t gotten back to it. I was a terrible, terrible person. I shouldn’t even be allowed to go out with him again. I should break it off. He’d already been hurt by his ex, and here I was. Another woman screwing him over and hiding something from him. My mood went from buoyant to completely deflated in two seconds. Since he missed nothing, Declan asked me about it.

“Remember when we were at dinner and I said I had to tell you something and then your phone rang? That. I’m thinking about that,” I said.

The air in the car became hard to inhale and I kicked myself for doing this in a place that I couldn’t escape. Throwing myself out of a moving car wasn’t that appealing.

“Yes, I remember, but I have something to tell you first, if you’ll let me.” Um, what? He had a secret? It couldn’t be too bad. I was sure Raine would have found anything shady. She was good at that.

“Um, okay?”

“So. Here goes.” He was nervous. Wow. That was something I never thought I’d see.

“I don’t want to get into a serious relationship.”

Oh.

“I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, and I feel like an arse for stringing you along. And for sleeping with you first. But I did the marriage thing and it didn’t work out for me, so anything I do right now has to be casual. No expectations. I can’t . . . I can’t do that again, and especially not with Drake. I can’t be all that you need me to be. I’m so sorry. I understand if you don’t want to see me again.”

Shit. We’d just gone from planning our next date to him asking me if I wanted to call it off. The flip was so sudden, it took me a few moments to figure out what I had to say to that.

“I should have told you from the start. I’m such a wanker,” he said. Yes, it was a serious moment, but that didn’t stop me from laughing when he said “wanker”. And besides, if anyone was the wanker, it was me. Queen of the wankers, I was.

“No, you’re not. I didn’t go into this expecting anything. I mean, it’s been less than a week. I’m not ready for you to propose or anything. I like you and I like spending time with you. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?”

His relief was palpable.

“You’d be fine with that? Continuing as we are with no expectations?”

“Yeah, I’m fine with that. I mean, it’s so stupid to define it, when it’s really just about you and me and no one else. I’m not a big fan of labels in general. They’re like prisons.” I’d always balked at being defined. It reminded me of my parents and grandparents and being suffocated in the box they’d tried to stuff me in. It was probably why I’d rebelled so hard when I’d gotten the chance.

“I’m a rebel. Be a relationship rebel with me,” I said, putting my hand on his.

“I’ve never done this before. You’ll have to show me how.”

“I can do that. I’ll teach you how to break the rules, baby.” He chuckled and squeezed my hand.

He exhaled in relief. “Now that I’ve gotten that out, what did you want to tell me?”

“I write romance novels under a pen name,” I blurted out. Damn, I didn’t mean to tell him that. It was something I was hiding from him. Just not the only thing. But if we were doing this casually, with no expectation that it would lead to anything, then did I have to tell him? We weren’t getting married. We weren’t even declaring ourselves boyfriend/girlfriend. So it didn’t matter.

That stupid little voice in the back of my head told me that it was still wrong, but I ignored the voice. Again.

“Could you repeat that again?” he said.

“Yeah. Um, I write romance novels with Raine. Under a pen name. That’s what I do at night, and what I’ve been so vague about.” The words tumbled from my mouth like boulders over the edge of a cliff. No reeling them back. Now I just had to wait for his reaction.

“That’s . . .” Don’t leave me hanging here, man. “That’s bloody fantastic.” He was grinning. Well. That wasn’t the reaction I’d expected.

“You think it’s cool? You’re not weirded out by me writing about imaginary people having sex?” My conservative upbringing had definitely skewed my view of how other people would judge what I did with Raine. She’d told me that I was being melodramatic about people judging, but it was hard to get out of that when you’d lived your whole life being scrutinized.

“No, I think it’s brilliant. And it explains a lot.”

“Wait, what? Explains what?!” Oh no.

He took his eyes off the road for one moment.

“It explains why you’re so good in bed.” That earned him a smack in the shoulder before I realized it was a compliment.

“I’m good?”

“Uh, no. Not exactly. You’re much better than good. You’re the best.” My face went bright red. I’d certainly enjoyed our sexual encounters, but hearing from Declan that he’d enjoyed himself with me was another matter entirely.

“I am?” I asked quietly.

“Absolutely.” Damn. That was a nice ego stroke. It also stroked something else that couldn’t be satisfied at the moment.

“You’re not just saying that to get me into bed again, are you?” I asked, knowing the answer, but still wanting to hear him say it.

“If I wanted to get you into bed, I wouldn’t have taken you to my house and let you read a book to my son. I might not want a relationship, but I don’t just want sex. I enjoy your company. And you’re very easy on the eyes.”

I always found it interesting that some of the most popular women featured in magazines and on the runways all had the same figure, but yet I’d never had any complaints from men about mine. In my younger days I’d worried about my weight, but when I’d never been short of suitors, I’d realized that guys liked the way I looked. A lot, actually.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Mr. Bennet.” Gah, it gave my literature-loving heart a thrill to call him that.

We finally got to my apartment and Declan found a spot and parallel parked in front of my building.

“Go ahead,” I said as he turned off the car.

“Go ahead with what, exactly?”

“Ask away. I know you have questions about the writing and so forth. Most people do.” Yet another reason I didn’t tell people about what I did. Practically everyone was writing a book and if you were successful at it, they wanted to know what your “secret” was. Like I’d trekked through the mountains of Nepal and communed with spirits who had shared it with me or something. Or that I was hoarding secrets because I didn’t want to share them.

We got questions all the time through our author email. Ninety percent of the time, Raine and I ignored them. Sometimes, we answered if it was just a short question, but I always wanted to respond with three words: Google it, bitch.

“All right. I do have some questions, but I should get back to Drake. May I ask one?” God, I fucking loved the way he phrased things.

“Sure. Fire away.”

“Will I appear as a character in any of your books?” I laughed out loud at the irony of him asking that.

“We’ll see. We try not to base our characters on any one person for a few reasons and one is so we don’t get sued. But parts of people that we know have shown up in our books. It’s kind of unavoidable. Most of the time we don’t realize we’re doing it until we get to edits.”

“I see. Well, if you want to use me, I wouldn’t mind and I definitely wouldn’t sue you. Promise.”

He crossed his index finger over his heart.

“Pinky promise?” I narrowed my eyes and held up my pinky like I’d seen him do with Drake.

“Pinky promise,” he said, linking his finger with mine before bringing our hands to his lips and kissing my knuckles.

“You told him, didn’t you?” Raine said the second I closed the door and she saw my face.

“What?”

“You told him. About the books, didn’t you?” I slipped off my shoes and tossed my purse on the table next to the door. Sometimes I wished I lived alone.

“How the fuck do you know that? Did you plant listening devices in his car?” I wouldn’t put it past her. She could find people who would do that.

“No, but I know your face better than I know my own. I could tell that you’d told him something, and you weren’t upset, so I figured you didn’t tell him about the background check. This was my next logical conclusion.”

I stared at her.

“You frighten me sometimes.” She just smiled and went to pour me a glass of wine, and refilling her own glass.

“Good. So, how was it?” she asked. I took the glass of wine from her and we crashed on the couch together.

“Well, dinner got cut short because his kid was sick. It was so sweet, Raine. I could barely stand it. I almost told him about the background check, but then he got the call and then he said that he didn’t want to do anything serious, so I figured I didn’t have to tell him?” The last part definitely sounded like a question.

“No, you definitely don’t. If it’s casual, there’s no expectation of full disclosure. This definitely works out in your favor. You’re cool with that though, right? With it not leading anywhere?”

“Yeah, I mean, totally. I definitely don’t have time right now, and it’s so much work to have a boyfriend. Yes, this is definitely better.”

Raine stared at me as she sipped her wine.

“Good performance. I almost believed you. Bravo.” She tapped her hand against her glass as if she was giving me a round of applause.

“What? That’s the truth.” Okay, it was almost the truth. And if it were any guy but Declan, I wouldn’t have been lying. Declan was . . . something else and it wasn’t just because he was British, or a great father, or amazing in bed. The combination of those things added to something intangible made him one of those people that I just wanted to spend crazy amounts of time with.

“You just keep telling yourself that. Practice in the mirror until you convince yourself. Did he believe you?” she said.

“Yeah. He did. And it’s fine. I’m fine with it. I couldn’t get into something serious without telling him everything and then he’d break up with me anyway. This is just better for both of us in the long run.” Raine nodded.

“You know, this would make a great story for a book. Are you sure we can’t still use him for writing inspiration?” I didn’t even dignify that question with a response.

No, I wouldn’t purposely put Declan in my books, but he might make it in there anyway.

The devastation of the fire was so much worse than I thought it would be. There was so much ash that we had to wade through it, the black staining our protective suits.

“It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The rest of the library is relatively undamaged, except for the water. I’m afraid that most of the books couldn’t be saved,” the fire inspector said. Madeline swiped at her eyes and I swore I saw her wipe away tears. I had a lump in my own throat and I knew that when I got home, I might break down again.

“Well, we have insurance, but it will only cover so much. Do you have an estimate of the damage?” She turned toward the insurance adjustor, who’d barely said a word and had been furiously scribbling on a clipboard and typing things on his phone.

“Not yet. I’ll have to get some numbers and documents from you and sit down to do some estimates when I get back to the office. We should have a figure in about a week.” The insurance guy was all-business. As if hundreds of dollars’ worth of ruined books was nothing to him. Well, I guess it wasn’t, compared to a deadly car crash, or a destroyed home. But still. It was pretty fucking tragic when you came down to it.

Madeline talked more with the inspector and the insurance adjuster and I went over to where Sabrina was sifting through some of the half-burned books that the firemen had piled up. She had her phone out and was taking pictures.

“You okay?” I said, touching her shoulder.

“Not really. I was just thinking about that book Fahrenheit 451 and how sad it made me, and now I’m seeing it. It’s a wonder that we put such important words on something that’s so fragile. And once it’s gone, that’s it. All that’s left are ashes.”

It was a heavy thing to say, but we were all feeling maudlin. It was in the air, along with the floating ash. I put my arm around her shoulder and she leaned her head on me.

“This sucks,” she said, and I agreed. It did. The local news was coming later to do an interview with Madeline about the fire and she’d already started a charity fund at a local bank if people wanted to donate. Madeline also plans for fundraising events and book donations were already starting to come in. I’d told her that if she wanted, I could compile a list of the books we’d lost and post it on our social media pages, asking for those specific books. As for the structural damage, we’d have to demolish the ruined part and rebuild and I had no idea how long that was going to take. Madeline was thinking about getting into a temporary space, but hadn’t moved forward with it yet. There was a lot to do, and I was pretty glad I wasn’t in charge of it.

For the time being, I didn’t have a day job, but at least my paychecks were still coming in. I was grateful for that, and I knew my fellow coworkers were as well. We all just had to figure out ways to fill our normal library working hours.

This fire had definitely caused a clusterfuck. They still didn’t know how it had started, but the best theory so far was a cigarette butt. One small thing that had done so much damage.

Madeline had to stay at the library and deal with everything, so the rest of us went out to lunch to talk about everything and afterward I headed to the bank Raine worked at. I needed someone to cheer me up.

I filled out a fake deposit slip and got in line to wait for her. The other employees knew we were friends, but I felt weird coming to a bank that I didn’t have an account at and talking to Raine while she was working. So we pretended.

“Hey, how did it go?” she asked when I stepped up to the counter. “I would totally hug you, but I can’t reach.”

“It was awful. But we’ve already got donations coming in and Madeline is going to look for a temp space. But right now it’s just a mess. A total mess. Everything is ruined.” I leaned against the counter as Raine punched numbers into her computer that would do exactly nothing. One of her coworkers had gotten busted visiting with her husband while on the clock and they’d all gotten reprimanded, so I didn’t want to take any chances.

“It’ll be okay, I promise.” Someone else promising me something.

“Thanks, babe. Do you need anything while I’m out?” She shook her head and printed me a dummy receipt. “Okay, I’ll see you tonight.”

I went back to the apartment and got right to work, losing myself in the imaginary world because the real world sucked at the moment.

Before I knew it, Raine was walking through the door and putting takeout bags on the kitchen counter.

“Get anything done?” she said, coming to read over my shoulder.

“Actually, yes. Lots. I’ll send it to you right now.” I shot her off an email and went to investigate the food.

“I really want to quit my job. I mean, we’ve earned out our advances on the first three books, so we’re getting royalty checks now. We could make it,” she said, taking her hair down from its more formal twist and twirling it into a messy bun.

“Then do it. I don’t know how long I’m going to be home during the days, and if we’re both writing full-time, we can get more done. We could finally work on that story we’ve been sitting on for ages.” We’d had an idea that we hadn’t told our agent about because it was so different from what we normally wrote. Our plan was to write it and then show it to him, but it had gotten pushed aside in favor of the books we were contracted for.

“That sounds like bliss. You and me, writing all day and all night. We’d never have to get dressed or shower. I could wear yoga pants all the time.” Her face was a mask of bliss at the thought of constant yoga pants wearing. I had admit, being home all the time did have its perks.

She nodded as if she’d made a decision. “I’m going to do it. I was talking to this other girl I work with, and her husband is in insurance and she thinks he can get me an affordable plan that might even be better than the one I have now. Okay, I’m doing this.” She jumped up and down and hugged me.

“I’m putting in my notice tomorrow. I’m doing it!” Her excitement was contagious and I couldn’t help but be swept up in it. She’d wanted this for so long, and had worked hard for it, so she had every right to celebrate.

“You’re quitting your job!” I jumped up and down with her and we laughed and hugged each other. We were ridiculous.

“But what if we get sick of each other?” I asked after we’d demolished the takeout and sat on the couch with a Project Runway marathon. Raine was obsessed with Tim Gunn.

“Babe, if we haven’t gotten sick of each other yet, I think we can handle it.” True. We had spent a lot of time together, and our working relationship had smoothed out since the beginning. And back then our problems were more about figuring out how to work with one another and incorporate both our ideas to make something new. After a few books, we had it down to a science.

“True, but I don’t think we should completely become hermits. That wouldn’t be healthy. We’ll turn into those weird reclusive authors that people tell legends about. Like J. D. Sallinger. I don’t want to be J. D. Sallinger,” I said. Sure, his level of success would be kind of awesome, but I didn’t think I could handle the kind of scrutiny he was under. Raine and I had a little bit of it, but less so since no one knew who we were and we could mostly ignore emails and crap on the Internet.

“Okay, that’s probably a good thing. So we should leave the house at least once every three days. And you’ve got your man to take you out. Maybe I should get a dog,” she said.

I held up my hand.

“Or, stay with me here, and you could find your own guy.”

Raine let out an exasperated sound.

“No, I don’t like that plan. I don’t want a guy. I mean, I do, but I don’t. You know?” Yup.

“Okay, no guy. I’d be okay with the dog thing as long as I don’t have to clean up after it,” I said and Raine’s face fell.

“Yeah, I don’t know if I’d be ready for that responsibility. Maybe a fish?”

I nodded.

“Good idea. Start small.”

We talked more about how things were going to work, what our schedule would be like and so forth. We also agreed that we had to shower on a periodic basis so we didn’t get too disgusting.

“This is going to be awesome. It’s what we always wanted,” Raine said. Well, it wasn’t my dream to write books all the time. I missed being at the library. Sometimes I felt like I was cheating on writing with my library job and vice versa.

“It’s going to make the publishers happy, that’s for sure. Hey, since we’re finally on track with our deadline, do you want to start maybe talking about our secret project?” I’d been waiting to ask her about it all day.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

We took a break from writing a book to write another book. That was how we rolled.

“Can we come up with a better word for ladyparts for this one? I’m tired of pussy,” Raine said. Here we go again.

Raine gave her two weeks’ notice and we started work on our new book It was dark and intense and more lyrical than our previous work. It might even have a little bondage in it, if things went the way I thought they were going to go.

I’d talked to Declan via text and on the phone a few times, but he was so busy that we didn’t get much time. I couldn’t imagine having his life of working full-time, going to school and raising Drake. That would be a lot for anyone to handle, let alone a twenty-two-year-old. Most of the guys I knew around my age were still too busy getting drunk, getting laid and putting off figuring their shit out as long as possible. Not all, but that seemed to be the trend for most.

Friday night we went out with Angie to celebrate Raine quitting.

“To getting the fuck out of the corporate world!” she yelled, raising her shot. Blue had even mixed us a special drink for the occasion. I had no idea what was in it, but it burned like a motherfucker when it went down my throat and I choked on it.

“You need another,” Angie said, signaling to Blue to make another set of shots. “Hurry up, shot slave.”

Blue gave her a look and then shook his head. He would never let anyone else get away with what Angie did. Proof of his long-standing love for her that he would never admit to.

“You push my buttons, woman, and one of these days, I’m going to throw you out and not let you come back.”

Angie threw her head back and laughed.

“No you won’t. You love it too much.”

He just slammed the shots down and went to the other end of the bar.

“Hey, I’m getting a new tat, you want to come with?” she asked me. I’d also been pondering some new ink. It was like we were tat twins.

“Absolutely. Have you called Serenity?” Believe it or not, our tattooist’s real and legal name was Serenity Rainbow. Her parents definitely set her up for an alternative career.

“Yeah, she’s set aside time for both of us. I had a feeling you’d be up for it.”

“You rock,” I said, giving her a high five.

“You know it.”

“I think I want one too,” Raine blurted out. I nearly fell over.

“Are you serious?” I said as she grabbed her second shot, tossed it back and slammed the glass down on the bar.

“Yes, I’m fucking serious. Serious as, oh my God that is strong.” She squinted her eyes and coughed a few times. “Serious as that shot.”

“And how long have I been wanting you to get one?” I said.

“I know, I know. But I feel like now is a good time. You know, literary career taking off and all that.” It was true. Now was a good time, I had to admit.

“So what are you going to get?” Angie asked, downing her second shot with barely a blink. She had a strong constitution for alcohol. Must be those Irish roots.

“I’m thinking a small red rose. You know, Scarlet Rose?” It seemed so cliché.

“Hey, I have an idea. How about we get one together? Like, the same one?” I said.

“OMG, that’s awesome!” Raine jumped up and down and almost crashed into a guy trying to get to the bar. He gave her a dirty look and she just blinked at him and then turned her attention back to me.

“Okay, so what should we get?” I had my second shot and we moved away from the bar to find a place where we could sit and talk ink.

We went through a lot of potential ideas, and then Angie suggested something that had to do with writing.

“Like a punctuation mark.”

“An exclamation point?” Raine said, but I shook my head. I didn’t want that on my body.

“What about a semi-colon? It’s like a stop and a continuation at the same time,” I said. Raine’s face lit up.

“I love it. I seriously love it. Where are we going to get it? We should get it in the same place,” Raine said. I searched my body for a good place.

“What about here?” Raine said, pointing to the inside of my right wrist. I didn’t have anything there. Yet.

“Because you’re right-handed and then I’ll get mine on my left and we’ll be twinsies,” Raine said. We could totally bang our tattoos together and activate our Wonder Twin powers.

“Perfect,” I said and we decided we needed to drink on it, so Angie went to the bar to get us a couple of beers to chase the shots.

“Ugh, we shouldn’t have done those shots,” I said the next morning when I stumbled into the kitchen. Raine was slumped on the counter next to the coffee machine, whispering to it.

“Are you begging it to brew faster?” She looked at me with bleary eyes.

“No. Maybe. Ouch.” Our tattoo appointment was later, and then I had my date with Declan. Two good things I had to look forward to, but first I had to get all the booze out of my system.

“I’ll help you.” I rested my head next to hers and stared at the coffee pot. A few seconds later, it made a horrible sound and brown liquid ambrosia started pouring into the pot.

“See? It worked,” I said, and stood up to get two mugs. “You ready for your ink?”

“No. I drank so much because I was freaking out. I should have started drinking today instead. Why do I make these decisions? You’re supposed to be my conscience.”

“Um, I never signed up for that. I have my own bad decisions to make. And I’m not a paragon of good decision making.” Definitely not.

I handed her a cup and took mine black as well. We sipped in silence and didn’t speak again until we’d finished our first cup.

“Another,” Raine demanded, holding out her cup.

“I’m not your coffee bitch. Although, as I’ve said, we could hire one. We should do that now that you’re full-time, and since I’m full-time for now.”

She nodded and then winced.

“I think we could do that. Could we hire a hot guy and make him work shirtless?” Of course that would be where her mind would go.

“No, I think that’s illegal in this country.”

“I can work around illegal.” I was sure she could.

“Raine. It’s too early and I’m too hung over to do this with you right now.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll behave. I’m scared, though.”

“About the tattoo?” I went to the fridge to get something to eat for breakfast. Second to coffee was food that I needed. “It’s going to be so small that it will only hurt for a second. And it just feels like a really bad sunburn. Plus, I’ve managed to survive a bunch. No harm done.” I found some eggs and cheese and tomatoes and set to making some scrambled eggs. Raine got upright to help cut up some fruit to go with it.

The two of us had lived together so long, we knew each other’s movements and we could work without speaking. We had a symbiosis that I didn’t know if I could have with another person. Declan’s face appeared in my head and I pushed the image away. Declan and I weren’t going to be like this. We were going to be a brief bright blip in my life that I’d look back on fondly and tell my grandchildren about.

Oh well. I didn’t have to worry about that right now, which was the beauty of not having any definitions or expectations with Declan. No worry about the future.

But tattoos, those were permanent, and Raine was freaking about that permanency for the rest of the day. I had to calm her down about that and the pain.

“We don’t have to do this,” I said as we stood outside the She Slings Ink Tattoo and Body Piercing Studio.

“No. I’m cool with it. We’re doing this. Together.” She nodded jerkily and held up her hand. I took it with mine and we walked in together.

“Blair!” Serenity screamed and shot across the store to hug me. She was one of the tallest women I’d ever seen and had the body of a supermodel without even trying. But her eyes were what drew you in. They were such a pale green that they were almost translucent, and in conjunction with her high cheekbones, she was so beautiful that it hurt to look at her. From the neck down, though, she was covered in ink, most of them she’d done herself, and her husband, Andrew, another tattoo artist, had done a lot of the others.

When I thought about epic love stories, I thought about Serenity and Andrew. They’d met when they were children and had been best friends who had always been in love with each other. I wanted to write a book about them someday. I’d gotten tattoos from both of them, but Serenity was my favorite.

“It’s been ages, I’d thought you’d found someone else,” she said, squeezing me.

“I would never.” We released each other and I tugged the terrified Raine forward. “We’re getting matching designs. This is Raine.”

“Oh my God, Raine!” Serenity threw herself at Raine, who looked like she’d walked into her worst nightmare. You’d think, living with me, she’d be okay with the whole tattoo thing, but I guess not. I’d never brought her here, but I’d talked enough about her that Serenity probably felt like she knew Raine. And vice versa.

“Hi,” Raine said, engulfed by Serenity.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I just feel like I’ve known you forever because Blair talks about you so much. That was really weird to hug you like that.” Serenity flapped her hands a little, making her look like a bird. I was sure she’d been one in a past life.

“No, no, I’m just nervous. This whole thing kind of freaks me out,” Raine said, motioning to the tattoo shop. Actually, for a tattoo shop, it wasn’t that scary. Serenity had an affinity for the 1950s, and she’d decorated the place to look like a soda shop turned tattoo parlor. The floor was brightly tiled and the chairs were covered in candy apple red upholstery. She’d even bought a few stools from an old soda fountain and set them up in the waiting area. I always felt comfortable here, like I was going to get a tattoo followed by a milkshake. She played old classics like Sinatra, Martin, Elvis, the McGuire Sisters and the Chordettes constantly.

“First tat?” Serenity asked, ushering us further into the shop so we could sit down.

“Um, yeah. Does that make me a loser?” Raine said.

“No, not at all!” Serenity said, having Raine sit down on one of the swiveling chairs. A bell over the door clinked as Angie walked in and I went over to meet her as Raine talked with Serenity and started filling out some of the paperwork.

Angie looked like she’d just come from the spa, but she always recovered from hangovers well.

“Is she tweaking?” she asked, nodding at Raine.

“Pretty much. We might have to hold her down so she doesn’t run away.” Raine gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look. It was worse because her eyes were so big and wide to begin with.

“Poor thing. You’d think after living with me for so long, she’d get the idea, but no.” I went to rescue Raine and we told Serenity what we wanted. She did a quick sketch and showed it to us.

“What do you think?” she said, holding up the small design.

“How much is it going to hurt?” Raine had already clamped onto me and was in the process of slowly crushing the phalanges in my hand.

“Oh, it will be a snap. Super quick. What really hurts when you get a tattoo is the color, and I’m barely going to have to do anything to fill this in. It’ll be over before you know it. Like the night I lost my virginity.” That made Raine laugh and I felt her ease up just a touch.

“You go first,” Raine said, but I shook my head.

“If I go first, you’re going to back out. You’re definitely going first.” I had Angie clamp her hands on Raine’s shoulders and I held her right hand as Serenity cleaned her skin and then applied the design.

“Are you ready?” Serenity asked as the needle buzzed.

“No,” Raine squeaked. “But yes.”

“It’s going to be good. Promise. And once you get one, you’ll come back for another. Just look at us,” Serenity said. It was true. Between me, Angie and Serenity, we had a massive amount of ink going on.

“Okay. Okay.” Raine bobbed her head and squeezed her eyes shut. The pressure on my hand increased so much that I wanted to scream. I was definitely in more pain than Raine was.

Angie started up the needle and Raine made a high-pitched whining I’d never heard before. And then it was done.

“You’re done, sweetheart,” Angie said, turning the needle off. “Not too bad, right? You feeling okay?” Raine looked like she’d been struck with lightning, her eyes wide and her face pale. Good thing the chair she sat in reclined, so if she fainted, she wasn’t going anywhere.

“I’m. Fine,” she said, exhaling slowly.

“Raine?” I twitched my hand and she finally let go of her death grip. It was going to be a while before I got the feeling back in that particular hand.

“What do you think?” I asked as Raine’s face went back to its normal color and her eyes lost a little bit of their terror.

She looked down at her wrist, which now had a tiny semicolon a little bigger than a quarter on it.

“Oh. It’s so cute.” It was cute. I loved the idea and couldn’t wait to get mine.

“Do me up, Serenity,” I said, holding out my hand, wrist up. Serenity went and repeated the process with my wrist and before I knew it, she told me I was done. Raine was still recovering and I almost wanted to call her out for being such a wuss, but that would have been mean. I’d cried when I’d gotten my first tattoo. It had been a lot bigger, but still. It could be a scary process the first time.

We sat and watched as Angie got a set of musical notes on her shoulder.

“It’s the first five notes of ‘Let it Be’ by The Beatles. My mom used to sing that song to me all the time, so it makes me think of her.” Angie had lost her mom a few years ago to breast cancer and had few commemorative tattoos for her. When people went off about how tattoos were frivolous, or gotten by drunk people or stupid teenagers, I wanted to tell them about that. How could you say it was wrong to remember your mother? Or to remember anything that happened in your life? I’d had that argument with my own mother too many times to count.

Angie’s tattoo was another quick one and then the three of us were hugging Serenity, promising to return.

“Please come back again, Raine. You have some beautiful skin. You’d make such a good canvas.” It was a compliment, but Raine didn’t necessarily see it that way.

“I don’t want to be a canvass,” she said as we left. “But it does look pretty cool.” I held up my hand and we pretend-bumped our tattoos together so that they didn’t touch, but almost did. “I’m starving. Can we go eat now?” Raine had only had coffee and a little bit of breakfast since she was so nervous, so I treated her to lunch. Angie bailed on us and gave me a vague reason, so I just assumed she was going to hang out with Blue. That was usually where she went when she didn’t want to tell me where she was going.

“So what are you doing with him tonight?” Raine asked me when we got home. Declan had agreed that I could plan our date tonight, and I wanted to do something fun and dorky and I’d seen a poster for the local high school’s production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (my favorite musical of all time) and I’d picked up two tickets. Pre-show, I planned to take him to my favorite fancy restaurant that had an extensive appetizer menu. You could make a meal out of that, no problem. Plus, their fried calamari was to die for.

“That’s so cute. I’m sure he’s going to love it. Some guys wouldn’t go for that, but I have a feeling about him. He’s different.” Yes. He was.

“I hope he doesn’t hate it. I don’t know if I can date a man who hates musical theater.” Raine shuddered.

“Nor I.”

“So, what are your feelings about musicals?” I said when Declan picked me up later.

Declan wore a gorgeous steel gray suit, and I wasn’t sure if I liked it better on him, or crumpled on the floor. I’d hopefully get to see both.

“I’m not sure, but I have a feeling my answer will determine how the evening goes. I haven’t had much experience with it, to be honest.” Okay, that was an honest answer and he hadn’t said that he hated it. So we were in the clear.

“Well, then I guess this date is going to go well. I hope. If you hate it, just lie to me and I’ll pretend to believe you.”

“Fair enough,” he said, laughing. “And here’s hoping my offspring will stay healthy tonight.” Drake had recovered from his ear infection and fever, but Declan was still a little on edge about leaving his son. I didn’t mind one bit.

“No worries at all. Life happens.” He took my hand and brushed a kiss along the back of it.

“Have I told you that you look lovely tonight?”

“Um, you might have, but I wouldn’t mind hearing it again. And again,” I said.

He shook his head at me and turned on the radio.

“I got another tattoo today,” I said, holding up my wrist where I’d covered the new ink with a Band-Aid.

“Raine and I got semicolons to symbolize our writing journey together.”

“Very nice. I can’t wait to see it. You’re brave to get them. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m petrified of needles. I have to take an anxiety pill every time I get a shot.” Now that was hilarious, and something Raine hadn’t been able to find and put in the dossier. Those were the things that I couldn’t get enough of.

“Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me, Mr. Bennet. I’m sorry, I love calling you that. I know it’s weird and formal, but I’m an Austen fan, so, there you have it.”

He laughed. “I don’t mind at all. I like any part of my name coming from your mouth.” Oh, hell. That sounded damn sexy. Maybe we should skip the musical. I’d seen it performed enough times.

He cleared his throat. Guess I wasn’t the only one who felt the sexual energy ramp up.

“So, uh, where is the restaurant?” I had to shake myself a little bit before I could give him directions.

The place was on the top floor of a building and the rickety stairs that led upward gave the impression it was a dive.

But then we were greeted by a woman in a crisp white shirt and black skirt who asked if we had a reservation. I’d made one, so I told her my name and she led us through a shiny mahogany door and into the restaurant. Normally I didn’t go for modern décor, but the white, slate and brass colors blended together and made the place feel less like a spaceship and more like a futuristic home.

“Impressive,” Declan said, his hand on my back as we followed the hostess through the maze of white tables. As usual, the place was busy even though it didn’t look like it from the outside. They definitely thrived on being exclusive. The only people who found their way here were locals and those who’d heard by word of mouth.

I already knew what I wanted to order, but I looked at the menu anyway to see if they’d added anything new.

“Let you in on a secret,” I said, leaning over the table to get closer to Declan. He leaned forward and before I knew what was happening, he planted a kiss on my lips.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying? I got distracted,” he said. I bit my lip and tasted his mouth.

“Um, I was going to say that I never order an entrée here. I just get a million appetizers. But that was before you kiss ambushed me.”

He arched one pale eyebrow. “Am I in trouble now?”

“So much trouble,” I said, narrowing my eyes so he would know I was serious. “No more kissing for you, mister.”

He stuck his bottom lip out and it reminded me so much of something Drake would do, I laughed so loud I got angry glares from some of the other tables. This wasn’t the kind of place you had a barrel of laughs. Most of the talk was subdued and decorous. No laughing or smiling.

“Are you pouting?” I asked as soon as I got my giggles under control.

“Maybe.” His pout transformed into a smile and he reached for my hand across the table.

“Have I also told you how much I enjoy being with you?”

“Same here. It’s nice to talk to someone other than Raine or the imaginary people in my head. Oh my God, that makes me sound crazy. Ignore what I just said.” I picked up my menu again and hid my face with it.

“No, no. Tell me about it. I want to know. What’s it like inside the mind of a writer?”

“Are you really sure you want to know?”

“Abso-bloody-lutely,” he said.

Over fried calamari, grilled artichoke hearts, duck confit, polenta with mushrooms and an artisanal cheese plate, I told Declan what it was like to be a writer. He was silent as he listened, only making comments here and there.

“Basically it’s like having a bunch of imaginary friends that won’t shut up. And as soon as we get one story finished, another comes along. I’ve just decided I have to live with it.”

“That’s extraordinary. And fascinating. I wonder what your brain would show if they did a scan. Not that I’m suggesting you do that, or that there is anything abnormal about your brain. Bugger it.” He’d gotten flustered and it was so adorable, I wanted to ambush kiss him.

Instead, I speared the last piece of calamari on my fork and popped it in my mouth.

“You’re funny. I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets flustered.” His face was definitely red, made even more obvious by the fact that the rest of him was so pale.

“I made the Brit blush. I win,” I said.

“You’re just making it worse.” He copied my actions from earlier and picked up the wine list and covered his face with it.

I snorted with laughter and three seconds later, a waitress came over to our table and told us to pipe down. She didn’t say it exactly like that, but the meaning was clear. We were disturbing the other diners with our ridiculousness.

“I’m thinking we should do dessert after the other thing we’re doing tonight,” I said, almost slipping and ruining the surprise of the play.

“I think that is a wise idea. I swear that woman behind you is going to leap out of her seat and stab me with that tiny salad fork and I’d rather not get blood all over the floor. I’m sure they frown upon that here.” That made me laugh again and Declan motioned for the check so we could get out of there before we did any more damage to the peace and quiet.

“So, where are we going now?” Declan said as we got back into his car without further disturbing the patrons at the restaurant.

“I’ll tell you. Turn left when you get to the stop sign.” He made an impatient noise.

“Hey, I had to put up with you doing the same thing on our first date. Turnabout is fair play.” I was right and he knew it. “You lose, Mr. Bennet.”

“Not fair, Blair. Not fair.”

“Here?” Declan asked as we drove by the high school auditorium. Our town valued the arts so much they’d funded and built a theater that would put Broadway to shame, and it was separate from the rest of the school. I hadn’t gone to school here, but I wished I had.

The parking lot was packed, and Declan was definitely confused when he pulled in, until he saw the giant banner advertising the show.

“A high school play?”

“Yeah,” I said, realizing what a stupid idea it was. Damn. I’d miscalculated. “We can do something else. It was just an idea.”

“No, no. That’s not what I mean. I’ve never seen a high school play. We didn’t do things like that at the schools I went to.” He didn’t have to say more than that. I knew from the way he spoke, and from the dossier, that he’d gone to elite private schools where the only plays anyone would put on would be dramatic readings of Shakespeare or a long-dead romantic poet.

“I would love to escort you to the play,” he said. His voice did all kinds of things to my body. Could an accent be an aphrodisiac? If so, his definitely fell into that category.

“You would? You don’t think it’s dumb to the power of lame?” This time he snorted with laughter.

“Even if the play was, you would never be dumb to the power of lame. Ever.” Aw, well. That was definitely nice to hear.

When Declan said he was going to escort me, he meant it.

“Good evening, madam. I’ve heard you are in need of an escort for the theater.” He exaggerated his accent, making it sound totally snooty.

“Why yes, I believe I am. I’m waiting for Prince Harry, but he seems to be late. You’ll do.” I gave him my hand and he pulled me to my feet and rested my arm in the crook of his.

“Ah, so you’re a fan of the redheaded prince,” he said as we walked toward the auditorium, avoiding potholes in the parking lot. I should have worn better shoes, but I wanted to be cute.

“Who isn’t? I mean, no offense to William. I’m sure he’s lovely, but Harry has that something. That naughty twinkle in his eye.” Declan looked at me and I saw the same mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Before you ask, yes, you have it too.”

He pulled me closer and kissed the side of my head.

“Good to know.”

The play was actually better than I’d thought it would be, with most of the kids having good voices. They hadn’t messed around when it came to the production. The costumes were amazing, and the set wasn’t slapped together either. I found myself singing along with many of the songs and I couldn’t sit still for the dance numbers. Declan appeared to be entertained, laughing in the right parts and tapping his foot to the beat for some of the jauntier tunes.

“Are you having a good time?” I asked during the short intermission as we strolled into the lobby in search of baked goods. We found a table overflowing with brownies and cupcakes and other confections.

“I am. What would you like?” He motioned to the table and I wanted to say “everything”, but I picked a chocolate cupcake and a blondie.

“What about you?” He held up a brownie and a chocolate chip cookie.

“Abso-bloody-lutely.” We made our way out of the building to get some air and found a bench near the front of the school to sit on while we had our snacks.

“So, is this your first live musical theater experience?” I asked as I bit into the cupcake. It was definitely made from a box, with canned frosting, but it was still damn delicious.

“I have to say that it is, and it’s a lot better than I thought it would be. I had visions of people dressed as cats leaping about and singing to the moon.” I shuddered. I wouldn’t even talk about that musical. It was a blight on the rest of theater. It should be forgotten about and never spoken of.

“Yeah, there are no cats in this one. Just a lot of dancing pioneers that think kidnapping is totes okay, as long as you’re in love and singing about it,” I said.

“Yes, I did find the kidnapping part a little suspect. It’s quite terrible if you think about it.”

“True, but it’s a musical. You’re not supposed to think about it too hard. You’re just supposed to enjoy it and feel happy afterwards. Oh, and wake up in the middle of the night singing the words to all the songs.” That was definitely going to happen to me tonight. Raine was going to kill me.

Declan and I munched our snacks and talked more about the show, and how good the boy playing number one brother Adam was and how he definitely was headed for greatness.

The rest of the show was magical, and I had to admit I shed a tear when Adam and Millie finally declared their love for one another and embraced.

I was one of the first to my feet for the standing ovation and Declan popped up right after me, putting his fingers to his mouth and whistling. I’d always wished I could do that, but never figured out how.

“Fabulous!” Declan yelled over the cheers. A wide smile adorned his face and I couldn’t help staring at his radiant features. So beautiful, that man.

We waited for the crowd to disperse before we headed out to Declan’s car.

“So,” I said, putting my seatbelt on.

“So,” he echoed. “I’m not quite ready for the evening to be over yet. Would it be all right with you if we kept it going?” I could only nod. Oh yes, it was more than okay.

This time I’d planned ahead of time and booked a room at a local hotel just in case.

“Not that I was expecting anything,” I said as we rode up to our floor in the elevator. “I just wanted to be prepared.”

“Believe me, I’m happy you’re prepared. Very happy indeed.” He squeezed my hand and I had the urge to jump him in the elevator, but the doors opened and he dragged me toward our room.

“Tell me again how good at sex I am,” I said, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth as he pressed me against the wall just outside the room.

“Very good,” he said into my mouth as he fiddled with the room key and shoved the door open. His expression suddenly changed like a traffic light flashing from green to red.

“But, I’m not sure if I remember correctly now. I think you might have to refresh my memory a bit.” Oh, I knew what he was doing, but I was going to play along.

“Well, first we need to get your clothes off,” I said, kneeling down to remove his shoes and socks, before rising so our bodies touched, chest to chest. His mouth descended on mine and started to devour me, drinking me in long gasping sips, as if he was dying of thirst.

“Yes, it was something like that,” he said, pulling away suddenly. “But the next part is still hazy.” His hands dragged down my back and grasped my ass, squeezing and causing a flood of heat to race through me.

“I think I can refresh your memory,” I said, running my hands down the front of his shirt and stroking his growing hardness.

“Yes, I know what I need to do now.”

“How could I have forgotten that?” he said a little while later as we lay in a lust soaked post-coital haze.

“I have no idea. I definitely won’t forget it.” The sex had been just as potent as the first night. Maybe even more so. This casual thing seemed to be working in both our favors. As long as neither of us developed irreversible feelings, we were good.

“You’re lovely in this light,” he said. We’d only turned on one lamp and the glow was almost like a candle.

“You’re lovely in any light. You know, you’re downright pretty for a man.” He walked his fingers up and down my hip. “Does that emasculate you? To be called pretty?”

“No. They called me that in school sometimes. Pretty Boy Bennet. I hated it at the time, but you can call me whatever you want, Blair.”

“Good. Then I’m going to start calling you Pretty Boy Bennet when I climax.” He snorted. “Occupational hazard of being a romance writer. Being open about sex.”

“That I don’t mind either. My wi—my ex, she was, ah, always uptight about that sort of thing. Sorry, I shouldn’t be talking about her at this particular moment.” His eyes traced my tattoos.

“No, it’s okay. I’m not your girlfriend so I have no right to be offended. I don’t mind.” I honestly didn’t. I could tell he didn’t talk about her much to anyone, and had probably bottled a lot of feelings up. It wasn’t good to do that. I had Raine to be the person I shared all my innermost thoughts with and I didn’t think he had someone to do that for him. If I could fill that role, even temporarily, I’d do it.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes. Go ahead.” I moved closer to him and he lay his head next to mine. We were close enough to kiss, but we didn’t.

“She was beautiful, of course, and my parents approved of her. She was everything they wanted for me, or at least she seemed that way on the surface. People rarely are who they show to the world. Except you. You’re exactly who you are, all the time.”

I blushed at the praise.

“Yeah, well, it isn’t easy being me in my family. It would have been much easier to go along to get along,” I said.

“Easier, yes, but you didn’t choose the easy path.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Do you regret it?”

I shook my head.

“No, absolutely not. I’d rather be less close with my family and be myself than the other way around. And you can’t hide who you are forever.”

“No. No you can’t, which is what happened with her.” He couldn’t say her name. It didn’t matter, I knew what it was and he didn’t have to say it.

“Did it start out okay at least?” I wanted to know that they’d had at least some happy moments together.

He smiled, briefly. “It did. She was beautiful and charming and fun and we had a good time together. But then she got pregnant. She swore she was on the pill and we’d always used protection. I’ve never been able to prove it, but I think she may have let it happen. Or at least lied to me about preventing it.” Damn, that was even worse. Conceiving a child to keep your man? That was the lowest of the low.

Declan continued. “She loved Drake at first, and we had some of our best days just after he was born. But she grew bored staying at home with him and she never did well on little sleep. Soon it was clear that we were over, but I tried to save us, for Drake. He deserved two parents. But then . . .” he trailed off and couldn’t finish. I kissed his shoulder.

“You don’t have to tell me everything. I just want you to know that if you want to talk with me about this, you can. Anytime. Well, maybe not mid-coitus. But any other time.”

He twirled some of my hair between his fingers.

“Thank you, Blair. It feels good to talk to someone. I don’t really have anyone I feel comfortable discussing this with.” I felt like a bad person for bringing her up, but I had to know.

“What about Ada?” I cringed just saying her name. “You seem like you’re close.” I was totally fishing and I felt terrible for it.

“Ada?” he said as if he’d never given her a second thought. “No, no. She just works for me. It’s a bit awkward, really. She’s a family friend and my father called in a favor and asked me to hire her. I really shouldn’t let him get away with so much. But his kind heart knows no bounds. Even when people don’t deserve it.” Ah, that was interesting. I didn’t know that he and Ada had connections.

“Oh, well, she seems to enjoy her job.” This was a lie and we both knew it.

“She enjoys pretending to play house. Believe me, I am fully aware of what she is trying to do and it won’t work,” he said. I knew he was smart.

“But you just let her go ahead and think that? I mean, I’m not her biggest fan, but maybe it would be better to sever ties and call it good.” Declan sighed as if he’d thought the same thing a thousand times.

“I would, but I don’t want to upset my father. We have a small circle of friends and even the smallest ripple will be felt for years and could affect his business. So I keep my mouth shut and try to send her as many hints as possible.”

“Well buddy, I think you need to send more than hints. Because that girl thinks she’s going to be the next Mrs. Bennet.” I shuddered at the thought and so did Declan.

“She’s not stupid. Not at all. She’ll figure it out. My other method of turning her off has been to introduce her to as many eligible men as possible. God, that woman is exhausting.” He rubbed his forehead as if he had a headache.

“You poor thing, I had no idea.”

“Don’t pity me too much. Some wouldn’t pity me at all. On the surface, I have everything,” he said.

“Money isn’t everything.”

“No, it isn’t,” he agreed. “Family is.”

“Amen.”

We spent some time talking of other things and then we both decided we were hungry, so we ordered room service.

“Bugger, this means I need to put pants on,” he said after he hung up with the hotel kitchen.

“You could answer the door naked. Give whoever brings the food a thrill. I’m sure you wouldn’t be the first one to do it.” He slipped out of bed and pulled his pants on, covering his marvelous backside. I grieved for the visual loss.

“But then I would feel terrible and have to tip them extra. And what if it was a man?”

“Could be a gay man and still work out,” I pointed out.

“True.”

Declan answered the door with pants on and we gorged ourselves on pasta and rolls and cheesecake before falling into a sex and food coma that we didn’t wake from until the next morning.

He was up first, and woke me by kissing the tip of my nose. My eyelids fluttered open and I met the blue pools of his eyes. Those eyes were extraordinary. As was the rest of him.

“Hi,” I said.

“Good morning.” He rolled on top of me and I could tell he wanted to make this an extra good morning.

“Subtle. Very subtle,” I said as he stroked his hands down my body.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said as he put his hand between my legs and started stroking me.

“Ah, I think you do, ohhhh, right there.” My protests were cut off as I submitted to his hands. There was something great about starting your day with an orgasm. Better than coffee. Now that’s something I never thought I’d say.

He must have planned this because he had a condom ready and before I knew it, he was inside me, and I was definitely, absolutely awake. Good fucking morning.

Declan finished fast.

“Sorry, I’ve been thinking about you all night and I couldn’t help it,” he said as he rolled off me.

“No worries.” I turned my head to the side and we shared a smile. “I can’t get enough of you either.”

“It’s Sunday,” he pointed out. “I don’t have to go to work or class and Ada is with Drake. Do you have anywhere to be?” The image of spending an entire day in bed with Declan, with the addition of room service, sounded just about perfect. But there was a fly in the ointment in the form of my grandmother.

“I can’t. I have to have tea with my grandmother. I know that sounds like a made-up excuse, but she’s eighty-four and I have this fear that I’m going to cancel and then she’s going to die and I never will have said what I wanted to say and then I’ll always regret it.”

“No, no, that’s quite all right. Family comes first. I should spend the day with Drake anyhow. I’ve been so busy he hasn’t seen me much. He’s been asking me to go to the park for ages.”

I’d much rather play with Drake and Declan in the park than have tea and be judged by my grandmother.

“I have an idea,” he said, grabbing the room service menu. “What time do you have to meet your grandmother?”

“Two.”

“How about we have breakfast here, then we can go get Drake, and you can come with us to the park? I’m sure he’d love to pester you to push him on the swings and then afterward I can take you to see your grandmother.” I loved the idea of the first part of the plan, but the second part made me nervous. If Declan dropped me off at Gran’s, then she’d definitely want to meet him, and I sure as hell couldn’t say no to her without her calling my mother and turning this into a shit storm I would never escape from.

“What do you think?” he said in response to my silence after he’d announced his plan.

“Okay, don’t take this the wrong way, but, I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to take me to Gran’s. She’ll read into the situation and you’ll have to meet her and be interrogated and that’s not fair to you at all. This is a woman who survived the Depression. She’s tough as nails in a sweet tea and pearls package.”

Declan laughed. This was not a joke.

“She sounds like my great-grandmother. The woman worked for Bletchley Park breaking Nazi codes and wore a brand new hat every Sunday for church. I think I’m more than able to handle her.”

I sat up and put my hand on his shoulder.

“No. You don’t understand. This woman will eviscerate you and keep a smile on her face the whole time. Everyone is terrified of her. I haven’t even told her about the books I write because I’m worried the shock would actually kill her.” Declan burst out laughing and I smacked him on the shoulder.

“Why aren’t you taking this seriously?”

“I’m sorry, Blair. I’ve never seen you so serious before. She must be terrifying if you’re scared of her.” Oh, she was every bit as scary as I said. And more.

I threw my hands up. “Fine. Fine. You come and meet her and we’ll see who’s shaking in their boots.”

“I accept that challenge,” he said, sticking out his hand so we could shake on it.

“Oh, this is going to be fun,” I said, now actually looking forward to Declan meeting Gran. She was going to eat him alive.

“Higher Blair!” Drake shrieked as I pushed him on the swings a few hours later. Declan watched the two of us from his seat on a bench nearby, laughing at me.

This kid had energy. We’d already done the giant slide, the monkey bars, the seesaw and I was so tired I just wanted to lie down on a picnic table and take a nap.

“Where’s his off switch?” I yelled to Declan. He got off the bench and walked over toward me.

“I’ve yet to find one.”

“Daddy, watch me!” Drake yelled.

“I’m watching, Drake,” Declan assured him. “Want me to take over?” My arms ached from pushing Drake and carrying him around. It had only been a little while and this kid had already worn me out. How did parents do this all the time?

“No, I’m fine,” I said, wanting to prove that I could hang out with Drake for a few hours without needing a break. I could do this. “He’s different at the library. Much quieter. And more still.” Drake threw out his arms and whooped, as if to prove my point.

“I think it’s the environment. And perhaps the influence of the lovely librarian.” He put his hand on my lower back and I leaned into him, resting my head on his chest.

A warm feeling spread in my own chest, like a bird unfurling its wings.

“I can’t believe he’s going to preschool in the fall. I wasn’t sure about sending him, but I think he needs to socialize with other children his age. Might calm him down a bit. At least, that’s what I hope,” Declan said. Drake screamed again with joy and I couldn’t help but laugh. His enthusiasm was infectious.

“Okay, tyke, I think that’s enough for now.” Drake whined for a moment but as soon as he’d gotten off the swing, he started running around in a circle and then got distracted by a patch of dandelions and went to pick some.

Declan sat down on the swing Drake had vacated and I sat in the one next to him. I was having flashbacks to elementary school. Any moment now, Declan was going to ask if he could share my Goldfish crackers.

“Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without him. What I would be doing now. Does that make me a terrible father?” He swayed back and forth on the swing and I matched his movements, swinging opposite him.

“No, I don’t think so. You were young when you had him, so it’s reasonable to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t come about. I wonder all the time what I would have been like if I hadn’t rebelled against my family. I’d probably be married to some boring guy in finance. Oh, no offence.” He chuckled and kicked his legs out to start swinging.

“None taken. I don’t know if I’d be married. I wasn’t sure if it was for me, even before Drake. It seemed like something you would only do if you were absolutely sure about someone. And how do you know if you’re going to want to be with someone for the rest of your life? People change it all the time.”

“Ain’t that the truth? The only person I think I’ll spend the rest of my life with is Raine. We’re heterosexual life partners. There should be a ceremony for that. With cake and presents and everything,” I said.

“Drake, stay close!” Declan yelled as Drake ventured off to chase a butterfly. “Sorry, he has a tendency to wander off and I’m afraid he’s going to be snatched. Being a parent always makes you jump to the worst case scenario.”

“Yeah, that happens with writers, too.”

“Anyhow, weddings aren’t that wonderful. I should know, I’ve had one. It was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever had the misfortune to live through.” He shuddered.

“I’ve only been to a few myself and they were all pretty terrible. Inevitably some sort of family squabble broke out, or there was an issue with the cake or the music. I decided that if I ever got married, I’d elope. Go to Vegas or something. Tell everyone after and then have a huge party. That’s the way to do it. God, my parents would freak the hell out if I did that.”

Drake interrupted our wedding talk by bouncing over and presenting me with a limp bouquet of dandelions and daisies.

“How sweet, thank you, Drake!” I accepted the bouquet and pretended to inhale the wonderful scent of the flowers. They just smelled like grass and dirt, but I made a production for his sake.

“That was very thoughtful, Drake.” Declan said, stroking his son’s hair. “Very thoughtful indeed.”

“Can we get ice cream?” Drake said, his blue eyes wide and begging. I covered my mouth to stifle my laugh.

“And he follows the sweet gesture up with a request. I’ve taught him well. Come on, you little terror. Let’s get some ice cream.”

We dropped Drake off at Declan’s house with a disgruntled Ada and then I gave Declan directions to Gran’s house.

“I can’t wait to watch her devour you. Because she will. Most definitely,” I said.

“I think you’re going to enjoy this a little too much, Blair. Now I feel as if you’re setting me up and that you wanted me to meet her all the time and she’s a delightful woman and you’re making all this up.”

“You wish. That would have been a brilliant plan, though. But she’ll be sweet at first and lure you in. Like a beautiful poisoned apple. And then you’ll take a bite and realize, but it’s too late. Don’t get me wrong, I love the woman, but she’s scary as fuck.”

He didn’t seem too worried, which was going to make this all the more fun and satisfying when it happened.

“Gran, this is Declan. He’s a friend of mine.” I put emphasis on the word friend, but it didn’t matter in the slightest. Her eagle eyes narrowed and she stared him up and down, missing nothing. He’d worn a suit for the occasion, complete with cufflinks inherited from his father, designer everything and his hair slicked back from his gorgeous face. He was a sight for sore eyes.

“Very nice to meet you, Mr. Bennet,” Gran said, presenting her hand.

“And it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Walton. I’ve heard so many lovely things about you.” He bent over her hand and brought it to his face, kissing the back of it as if he was meeting the queen. Well-played, Mr. Bennet. Gran raised her eyebrow at me as Declan bent down, but rearranged her face before he rose.

“I’m sure you have,” she said, her voice dry. “Please, do come in.” She ushered us into the house, and Declan hung up his jacket in the hall closet without her even having to say anything. I had the feeling he was practiced in the art of gentility.

“So, Declan, where are you originally from?” she said as we walked toward the sitting room. She’d laid out three places, and waved Declan to the lone seat across from the other two. Interesting. He didn’t try to sit next to me, thus showing we didn’t have a serious attachment. That pleased Gran. Even though a stranger wouldn’t have known she was pleased, I’d studied her face enough to know.

“Ah, originally from England, obviously. Just outside of London.”

“Hm,” she said, pursing her lips. The sound was non-committal. He gave me a look, but I wasn’t doing him any favors. He’d gotten himself into this and I wasn’t going to throw him a life raft. He was going down with this ship.

“And what do you do?” Damn, she was getting to the serious stuff and we hadn’t even had our cake yet.

“I’m at university, finishing my MBA, and I also work for my father’s company as a financial advisor.” He cleared his throat, but otherwise his composure didn’t falter. So far, so good.

“A business man. How interesting.” She didn’t sound the least bit interested. “Blair, honey, could you pour the tea?” Finally, she took her eyes off Declan and looked at me.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, popping to my feet to do her bidding. I had the tiniest bit of an accent when I was around her and I could hear it coming back in my voice. I was going to start saying “y’all” soon.

“Thank you,” Declan said as I poured him a cup of tea. I gave him a smirk that my grandmother couldn’t see.

“Blair, you never told me you had a gentleman friend. It was a little rude of you to show up with him without notifying me first. What else have you been hiding from me, hm?” She sipped her tea and fixed me with a dragon’s glare over the rim of the cup.

Hell and damnation, this was exactly what I was hoping to avoid. I kicked at Declan under the table. This was all his fault.

“I’m sorry, Gran. We just became friends recently and I said I was coming here and Declan wanted to meet you. I would have told you about him if I’d known you’d be meeting him today, but it wasn’t planned. It just sort of happened.” That was a poor explanation, and I knew what I was in for. But then Gran surprised me for only the third or fourth time in my life.

“Well, I’m glad that I finally get to meet some of your friends. Sometimes I think you’re hiding them from me.” I nearly choked on my tea. She’d mentioned wanting to meet my friends, but she’d only met Raine a few times, and I’d cut those times as short as possible. Gran made Raine nervous and she had a tendency to blurt out curse words when she was nervous. And I’d never even tried with Angie. She’d curse and show her tattoos and try to shock Gran and I wanted to prevent that from ever happening.

“I’m not hiding them from you, Gran. I don’t have that many friends.”

“What about that girl you live with? What’s her name?” Once again, she pretended to forget Raine’s name. This happened so frequently I wanted to scream.

“Raine,” I said with a sigh. “Yes, we are still living together and will continue to do so even if people think we’re lesbians.” Declan snorted into his tea and had to cover his laugh behind a cough.

“Blair Walton!” Uh oh. I’d gotten the first and last name. I was in trouble now.

Declan’s face went red as if he was the one getting reprimanded. I was used to it.

“Sorry, Gran,” I said, ducking my head. I wanted to tell her that she could pretend lesbians didn’t exist all she wanted, but that wouldn’t make a difference. And I wasn’t a lesbian, despite the fact that I wasn’t married yet.

“Sorry, Gran,” I said again, sipping my tea. Gran gave me the obligatory silent treatment for a few minutes and no one spoke. I gave Declan a look that said, “I told you so” and he gave me a look back. Yeah, didn’t listen to me, did he?

The silence lasted until Gran broke it, ignoring me and asking Declan another question.

“I guess I can assume, by the fact that there is no band on your finger that you are unmarried?” Jesus Christ. Could she be more obvious? I almost felt sorry for him, but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

“I’m divorced,” he said, refilling his cup of tea and adding cream and sugar.

“Oh, that’s a shame. Was it mutual?” Declan blanched and I said, “Gran. I don’t think he needs to talk about that.”

“What?” Gran acted like she’d been making totally normal non-invasive conversation. Yeah, right. “I’m just asking him about his life. That’s not wrong, is it?” I would have to tread very carefully here. Gran was more than used to getting her way and being able to do whatever she wanted. Sure, she was my elder and had certain leeway. But she was hurting Declan and I wanted to stop it before it went further.

“No, but how about we talk about something else? Or I can serve the cake. It looks beautiful.” That was another skill I’d learned from her. Turning the topic to safer ground.

Gran hesitated but then decided to follow my lead.

“Thank you, Blair. I can get the recipe for you when you leave.” Wow, a recipe. That was akin to giving me one of the diamonds from her jewelry box. She actually guarded her recipes more than her jewels. True story, this woman had a safety deposit box just for her recipe cards. The only other person who had the key was my father. There was a written agreement with instructions of what to do in the event of her death.

“That would be lovely,” I said, slicing a piece and putting it on her plate. I always served her first, even though I knew I should have served Declan first. You couldn’t win with her rules sometimes.

We ate our cake quietly and I wished I could either go back in time or go forward in time. As long as I wasn’t right here right now.

“I heard about the library, such a shame.” Great, now we were talking about the library fire. Things had gone from bad to worse.

“It is,” I said, not wanting to further discuss it. Gran pursed her lips at my reluctance to make conversation. As if I was purposefully being difficult.

“Blair told me that you’re an avid gardener,” Declan said, and we both stared at him. Gran was actually flustered for a mere moment.

“Yes, I am. Are you a plant lover?” she said.

He nodded.

“Yes, my grandfather had a lovely rose garden and taught me everything he knew about them. I don’t have the time plants require, or else I would have a garden. I don’t want to pay someone else to do the work. I want to do it myself.” Gran’s lips lifted at the corners just a touch. An almost smile.

“Would you care to see my collection of roses?” she said and I nearly slid off my chair in shock.

“Yes, I would like that very much, Mrs. Walton.” Holy hell, he might be almost, maybe, potentially winning her over. God, what would happen if she actually liked him? I’d only envisioned her hating him, but what if the opposite were true? The consequences could be dire.

We finished our cake and Gran took us outside to show Declan her gardens. She had hired help to do some of the weeding and watering now because she had trouble bending over and sitting for long periods.

As Gran pointed out the different varieties and hybrids, Declan told her about his grandfather’s garden, and which varieties they’d had and methods for getting rid of pests and before I knew it, they were deep in conversation and I was freaking the fuck out.

When Gran had immediately disliked Declan, it didn’t surprise me. Bringing over a guy she didn’t already know (and therefore hadn’t evaluated) was a huge deal to her. He could have been a billionaire, but if she had never heard of him, he’d still have to prove himself to her.

But Declan, wonderful Declan, was winning over my prickly, judgmental grandmother. He even made her laugh, which was a sound I hadn’t heard in months. Not that Gran was unhappy, she just wasn’t that much of a giggler and my sarcasm was lost on her. She considered it the lowest form of humor.

By the time I said that Declan needed to get home (neither of us had mentioned Drake, which I needed to thank him for), Gran looked like she was ready to give him permission to ask for my hand.

“He’s a good boy,” she whispered in my ear when I leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Bring him back.”

“I will, Gran,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure if that was going to happen. It was easier to promise now and make excuses later if I had to.

Declan leaned down and kissed her hand again and told her how lovely it was to meet her.

“You come back and see me,” she said, holding his chin and staring into his eyes.

“I will, Mrs. Walton.” Great, now we’d both promised. This was going to be a bitch to get out of in a week. But at that moment, all I cared about was getting Declan out the door.

“She wasn’t that frightening, Blair. You had me worried.” Oh, he could say that now, but I’d seen his face earlier.

“Shut up, you were pissing your pants when she yelled at me.” He scoffed. I just crossed my arms and stared at him as he turned onto the main road.

“Perhaps I was a bit . . . all right. I was terrified of her. She is a frightening woman. But from your description, I expected her to look more haggard. Like a witch. But she’s beautiful.”

I sighed.

“I know. I want to be that pretty when I’m her age.” I peeled off the cardigan I’d worn to hide my tattoos.

“You won’t be that pretty. You’ll be prettier.” First he buttered up my Gran, now he was buttering me up.

“Smooth. Very smooth. God, I’m so glad that’s over.” I kneaded my shoulder, trying to rub out some of the tension.

“Feel all right?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m always having to tone myself down when I’m with her. It’s a lot of work and it makes me tense up.” I slumped in my seat, finally letting go of my ramrod straight posture.

“If you’d like, I could give you a back rub,” he said. I squinted at him.

“Is this a way to get me naked again? Because you don’t have to promise a massage. I will totally have sex with you anyway.” If he wanted to pull over and bang me in the backseat, I’d be game. Best way to forget the previous few hours was to get naked with a sexy man.

“No, I would never use a massage to get sex. Absolutely not. What kind of man do you think I am?”

“The kind who wants to put his dick inside me.” He hit the button for the automatic windows and turned on the radio.

“Well, I wouldn’t say no to that offer.”

“Where have you been?” Raine said when I walked through the door a while later. Despite the offer of sex and massage, Declan had to get home, so he’d dropped me back at my place.

“Out with Declan, why?” She had tears in her eyes and her cell phone held up to her ear.

“Here she is. Yes. Hold on,” she said to whoever was on the phone before taking it away from her ear. “Um, your mom called when you didn’t pick up your phone.” She held the phone out to me and my skin prickled. This wasn’t good. All signs pointed to this not being good.

I wanted to ask Raine to tell me, but she just shoved the phone in my face and wiped at her eyes.

“Hello? Mom?” My voice shook.

“Blair, thank God. You have to get here right away. It’s Gran.” My body started shaking and Raine rushed to hold me up.

“What? What are you talking about? I just left her.”

“She had a stroke. Her neighbor just happened to come over to return something and found her. We’re at St. Mary’s. She’s stable right now, but you should come. They don’t know if she’s going to make it. Hurry, Blair.” Words. So many words she’d thrown at me, but none of them made any sense. I’d lost the ability to understand spoken English.

“Blair? Are you there?”

“I’m here,” I replied automatically. “I’m here.”

“Look, baby, I have to go, but you need to get here okay? Just get here.”

Raine was the one who pulled me up off the floor and shoved me downstairs and into the passenger seat of her Toyota Camry. Raine was the one who drove like a maniac to get to the hospital, risking getting yet another speeding ticket. Raine was the one who led me to the front desk of the hospital and asked which room my grandmother was in.

And she was the one who shoved me in the door.

“Blair!” My mother rushed at me, gathering me up in her arms. Her figure would be more like mine, but she’d had surgery to ensure that it wasn’t. But a scalpel could only do so much and she’d put on some pounds.

Those were my only thoughts as she hugged me and started sobbing on my shoulder. Dad came over and pulled her off me, giving me a brief hug. He, on the other hand was tall like a stalk of corn, looking down on just about everyone else. His embrace was soft, and not as desperate as Mom’s.

When they’d finished embracing me, they moved aside and I saw Gran as I’d never seen her before. Lying in bed, strapped to machines. She had a tube in her throat and a machine pumped air into her lungs. She couldn’t even breathe on her own anymore. The woman who refused to stop driving, even when my parents took her keys away, couldn’t breathe.

“Hello, Raine,” Mom said, giving her a hug as well as I moved toward Gran’s bed. Just a few hours ago I’d been quivering under her scrutiny and now here she was. Flat on her back and no one would be intimidated of her. All I wanted was for her to sit up and start ordering everyone around and telling them how to do things.

Her hair fanned out on the pillow, taken down from its coiffure. She’d be so angry if she knew people had messed with her hair.

Given the circumstances, hair wasn’t the biggest issue, but I could just hear her voice in my head, telling me that a woman’s hair was her crowning glory.

“Hi, Gran,” I said, reaching out and touching her hand. The one that didn’t have a tube coming out of it. Her hand felt fragile now. Skin as thin as the pages of the books I wrote. That gave me an idea.

“Gran,” I said, leaning close. “This probably isn’t the best time to tell you this, but Raine and I have been writing romance novels. And yes, they’re exactly the kind of romance novels you think they are. But we’ve made a lot of money and I’m really good at it. I just . . . I wanted you to know. Your granddaughter is a famous writer, Gran.” I waited for some response that she’d heard me, but the only movement was from the machines and the steady rise and fall of her chest.

“Don’t go, Gran. I’m bringing Declan over next Sunday. You said you wanted to see him again.” My voice cracked and I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks and drop onto the thin sheet that covered Gran.

“It’s good to see you, Blair. Even given the circumstances,” Dad said, putting his hands on my shoulders. I leaned against him, taking strength in his calm energy and his height. Dad and I had always gotten along well, and I regretted not visiting him more. Mom tended to be the one that kept me away.

“Is she going to be okay?” I said, whispering even though I didn’t think Gran could hear. But I didn’t know that for sure. Maybe she’d wake up and reprimand me for writing smut. For the first time in my life, I would welcome it.

“We don’t know. Only time will tell. But she’s had a long and full life,” he said.

She had, but it still seemed like too early for her to go. I couldn’t imagine a world that Gran wasn’t in. She was legendary and constant. A pillar of our family. If she were gone, would we all crumble?

The doctor arrived and gave us an update, which wasn’t an update at all. Basically, until she woke up (if she did), they wouldn’t know the extent of the damage. Moments after the doctor left, Pearl, my father’s sister arrived with her husband John and their passel of kids. Right on their heels were Dad’s brother Gerald and a few other relatives who’d just gotten the word.

Gran’s room became busier than Grand Central Station and the nurses shooed everyone out into the hallway to give Gran some peace. She would have loved to have everyone in her room. So many people for her to boss around and criticize and reprimand.

There was much discussion about what was to be done, and I tuned most of it out. Gran would hate that there were all these people who were talking about her without consulting her feelings.

“You okay, babe? I mean, of course you’re not okay, but can I do anything?” Raine said, hugging me around the middle.

“Thanks. I feel kind of floaty. Like this is a dream or something. I don’t feel present. Is this a movie?” It kind of felt like one, but if my life were a movie, I’d probably have some attractive male actor as the doctor. Oh, and my Gran would be fine.

“Aw, I’m so sorry this is happening. I wish there were something I could do.” I knew she did, and I knew if she could do anything, she would. That was one of the great things about Raine. She’d do anything for me and I’d do anything for her. Maybe we should be platonic life partners.

It was still touch and go with Gran, but nothing was happening right at the moment so I had to decide if I wanted to go home or stay. My parents were staying, and I didn’t know if the stress of Gran being sick plus the stress of being near my mother was worth it, even with Raine as a buffer.

“You don’t have to stay, dear, we’ve got this under control and we’ll call you right away if anything changes,” Mom said, and part of me wanted to stay just to spite her, but that would only lead to us arguing and that wouldn’t do anyone any good.

“What do you think?” I asked Raine as she brought me a cup of crappy hospital coffee.

“Honestly? I don’t want to tell you what to do—”

“But you’re going to anyway, because this is one of those times when I want you to,” I said, interrupting her.

“I think we should go home, let you get some sleep and then you can come back tomorrow. I’ll come with you. We could even bring our laptops and work in the waiting room so we won’t miss a beat.” That wasn’t a bad idea, and I could probably give my parents some sort of excuse as to why we had our computers. They knew that I had some secret life I wouldn’t tell them about, but they were too polite to pry about it.

“Yeah, okay. I am tired and I think I just want to go be in my own bed and sleep for a little while.” I rested my head on her shoulder, even though I had to bend down to accomplish it.

“Come on, let’s go home.” I said goodbye to my family and we headed home. I nearly fell asleep in the car.

“I wish I could carry you inside, but I don’t know how well that would go,” Raine said, rousing me.

“It’s okay, I can walk,” I said, sitting up and undoing my seatbelt. I had to lean against the car as a wave of exhaustion crashed over me. As if I’d lived a thousand days in just a few hours.

“Do you want some tea or something?” I just nodded and stumbled toward my bed, not even bothering to take my date clothes off.

Declan. Oh how I wished I was still eating fried calamari with Declan, or playing with Drake in the park.

“Here you go babe, I made chamomile,” Raine said, handing me a steaming cup of tea and sitting on my bed with me. “Don’t you want to put some PJs on?”

“Yeah, but I’m too tired to move.” She got up and pulled out my favorite pair, a loose sweatshirt and matching pants that I wore like a uniform when I was sick. There were definitely benefits to living with your best friend.

“Want me to dress you?”

“No, I can manage,” I said, pulling my shirt over my head and then taking my bra off once I’d gotten the sweatshirt on. The pants followed and I felt a fraction better wrapped in the comforts of the clothes.

“Is there anything else I can get you?”

“No, I think I’m good. Thanks, Raine.”

“What are friends for?” She kissed me on the head and then softly closed the door. I barely finished the tea before I fell into a sleep so deep, it was almost like death.

A tap on my shoulder finally roused me the next morning. Or was it morning?

“Blair? You phone is ringing. It’s your mom.” The phone hadn’t woken me, so Raine had had to take matters into her own hands.

“Do you want me to talk to her?” I cracked one eye open and nodded. I wasn’t ready for my mother yet.

“Hi Camille. Yeah, she’s exhausted. How is everything going? Oh. Okay. Uh huh. We’ll be there. Bye.” I found the energy to open my other eye and roll onto my back to look at Raine. She hung up and gave me the phone back.

“She hasn’t woken up, but they still want you there in case. Are you ready to go, or do you want to sleep some more?”

“I just need to shower, I think, and then I’ll be ready.”

“Do you want some breakfast? I can make some pancakes.”

“If I don’t say it enough, I love you.”

“I know,” she said with a wink before she headed to the kitchen and I headed to the shower to try to wake the hell up.

It was going to take a hell of a lot more than a shower to get me feeling good again. Even the pancakes that Raine made with blueberries she’d found in the freezer couldn’t do the trick.

“You still look tired. Sorry,” Raine said as she packed up our laptops.

“No, I am tired. I feel like I slept forever, but it didn’t do me any good.” She gave me a sympathetic look and slung her bag over her shoulder.

“Well, on the bright side, we might get some good ideas in the hospital. We could write our next book about a sexy doctor.” Now that wasn’t a terrible idea.

“Or maybe we could flip it and write it about a female doctor and a guy who has a thing for female doctors,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Love that idea.” We talked more about doctor stories on our way back to the hospital and I was grateful something else to think about for a little while.

“Do you think I should call Declan and tell him? I mean, he’s texted me a few times, but I haven’t answered him back.” I felt like I wanted to tell him, but it also seemed weird. I guess I’d told him about the library fire, but this was different. Still, I needed to give him a reason why I would be MIA for a while. And he had met Gran.

“Yeah, I think you should. But definitely call him. I mean, you don’t text ‘hey, my g-ma is in the hospital, lol.’ It just seems wrong,” she said.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t text him like that. No one should ever text like that.”

“Agreed.”

You busy?

I didn’t want to do this, but I needed to tell him why I was going to be MIA for a while.

In a meeting.

Crap, I’d been afraid of that. I hated to bother him at work, but I didn’t think this could wait.

Can I call you later? Something I need to tell you.

I hoped he didn’t take that the wrong way, so I sent a quick follow-up text.

It’s not about us. Just something in my personal life.

He responded quickly.

Oh, good. Free at 1:30. Speak with you then.

Good enough.

Ttyl.

Of course the first thing my mother commented on was how rude she thought bringing our laptops to the hospital was.

“You’re here to see your grandmother and you can’t stop getting on the Facebooks for one day? Honestly, Blair.” I decided not to point out that it wasn’t called “The Facebooks” and just said that I was doing something for work. Not a lie.

Mom shook her head at me.

“How is she doing?” I said, getting to the more important matter at hand.

“The same,” Dad said. “But the longer she’s out, the, ah, lower chances that she’ll recover fully.” He didn’t have to tell me that. I wasn’t stupid. Random medical knowledge was another occupational hazard. Raine also had a thing for weird diseases with long names and was constantly trying to fit them into our books.

“Why don’t you go in and see her?” Raine said, taking the bag with my laptop in it. “I’ll go get set up.”

“Thanks, babe.” She headed down the hall and I went into Gran’s room. Mom tried to follow me, but Dad held her back.

“Hey, Gran. How are you doing?” I wasn’t that great at bedside conversation, but it probably didn’t matter that much.

“So, um, this really sucks, you being hooked up to all these machines. Sorry for my language.” The apology came out automatically. “Yeah, I just . . . I want you to get better. I really do. I can’t imagine not seeing you every Sunday. I can’t imagine you not being there to tell me to sit up straight and to take smaller bites and to speak like a lady. Please stay, Gran.” I touched her hand, stroking the soft skin.

There wasn’t much else I could do, so I leaned down, gave her a kiss on her cheek and headed to find Raine.

Leave it to Raine to find an attractive doctor and pull him into conversation. When I headed down the hall to the lounge, I found her laughing and touching the arm of a man who looked a hell of a lot like her ex, but wasn’t. Yeah, she was totally over him. I’d believe that when I saw it.

I cleared my throat and they both looked up.

“Oh, Blair, this is Dr. Caltrop.”

“Tony,” he said, putting out his hand. I shook it and Raine made a lewd gesture behind his back. I ignored her.

“Nice to meet you.”

“How’s she doing?” Raine asked.

“The same. No change.” I sighed and she rubbed my shoulder.

Tony’s phone went off and he excused himself.

“Really, Raine?” I gave her a look.

“What? It was book research. Book. Research,” she said as she watched Tony walk away. “I would wreck that.”

Deciding to drop that and leave it alone, I sat down at the little table where she’d put our laptops. It was almost like being at home.

“We’re so close to being done,” I said. Only about three thousand more words stood between us and a finished first draft. Only problem was that when I opened up the document, I couldn’t concentrate. There was too much noise in the room and in my head.

“If you want, I can do this part and then we can re-write it later. Just to get it done,” Raine said, sensing my issues without me saying a word.

“Could you?”

“No problem.” She rolled up her sleeves. “I’m just going to need some coffee. No, not some. Lots.”

“On it,” I said, eager to have something to do that didn’t require thinking.

Three cups of coffee later, Raine was hopped up and her fingers were flying across the keyboard. We’d opened a Google document so I could see everything as she typed it and make suggestions as we went.

I checked my phone and realized it was time for me to call Declan.

“Be right back,” I said and went to a quiet corner of the room. He picked up right away.

“Hello, Blair.” The sound of his voice made me smile, even given the circumstances.

“Hi, Declan. Sorry for the vague nature of the text and the fact that I’ve been MIA. It’s just that . . . Gran’s in the hospital. She had a stroke after we left and she’s been in the hospital ever since. It’s . . . um, not looking good.” I had a hard enough time keeping it together already, and talking about it made the tears come.

“Oh, Blair, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

“No. No. I just . . . I’m going to be here at the hospital and I thought you should know. It’s not that I don’t want to see you but—”

He cut me off.

“Don’t worry about it at all. I completely understand. I only wish there was something I could do to help.”

“That’s sweet, but unless you can change my mother’s personality...”

“Ah, not sure if I’m equipped to do that.” That made me laugh.

“Fine, fine. Okay, I probably have to go because you’re not supposed to use cell phones in here.”

“Call me if you need anything. Even if it’s just to talk. And let me know if there are any developments.”

“I will. Thanks, Declan. Say hi to Drake for me.”

“I will. Goodbye, Blair.”

“Bye.”

I slumped against the wall and wiped the tears from my eyes. I knew if I let myself go, really cried, I probably wouldn’t be able to stop. So I did my best to swallow my tears and emotions and shove them back down my throat.

“What did he say?” Raine asked, looking up from the keyboard, but her fingers continued to type.

“Not much. The usual. He was a complete gentleman and asked if there was anything he could do. I told him no.”

“I would have asked for sex,” she said, looking back at the screen.

“That seems a little weird, Raine. Sex is kind of the last thing on my mind. Especially since Gran would freak out if she knew that’s what I was doing with Declan.” Oh yeah, sex before marriage was definitely on the list of forbidden activities. Along with burping, not crossing your ankles when you wore a dress or skirt and not voting conservative.

“You don’t get sad horny? Is that just me?” Raine said, musing.

What the fuck was she talking about?

“Don’t look at me as if I’ve lost my mind. You don’t ever feel like the only thing that would make you feel better was a good, sweaty sex session? Come on.”

I shook my head.

“No. Never,” I said.

She tsk-ed at me.

“Whatever. Don’t judge me.”

I sat down again and read through what she’d worked on while I’d been talking to Declan. This thing was finally going to be done. All I wanted was to turn this book in.

We worked for a few hours, and my parents coming to check on us. Raine and I quickly minimized the windows we’d been working in.

“What on earth are you doing out here?” Mom asked.

“I’m applying for a new job and Blair is helping me with my application,” Raine said before I could come up with a better excuse.

“Oh, did you get done at the bank?” Mom said.

“Yeah. Just wasn’t for me.” Mom got a gleam in her eye and I knew where this was headed, but there was no way to stop her.

“You know, I could ask around for you. I know some people who might be looking.” I pinched Raine under the table. Get out. Get out now.

“Oh, that’s really nice of you, Mrs. Walton, but I think I’m all set. I’ve got some interviews next week and stuff.” Yeah, that sounded real convincing. She’d been good with the original story, but keeping it going wasn’t her strong suit.

“Mom, can I get you a cup of coffee?” I said, trying to divert her attention.

“No, I’m fine. But I am a little hungry. I don’t trust this hospital food.” She made a face of disgust at the thought of eating food cooked here. God forbid.

“Let’s go and get something to eat. I’m sure there’s a decent restaurant close by,” Dad said, pulling out his phone to look it up.

“I’ll stay here then,” I said.

“Call us if anything happens,” Mom said.

“I will.” Without a hug, they left.

“Your parents are so weird,” Raine said, looking after him.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

Nothing changed with Gran and I felt bad for making Raine wait here with me.

“You should go home. There’s nothing else you can do here.” We’d finished our book and had sent it off to our agent and editor. It didn’t matter if it sucked, as long as there were words. It was going to get ripped apart in the editing process anyway. We’d cross that bridge when we got there.

“And what am I going to do at home? Mope around and eat too much and be totally bored? No, I’d rather hang out here where there’s the possibility that Dr. Tony will show up again.” Of course.

“You’re ridiculous,” I said.

“But you love me.”

“I do.”

My parents came back from their dinner and Mom was full of complaints about the service. I just tuned her out and told her that Raine and I were going to the cafeteria to get dinner. That got me a look, but I let it roll off my back. We packed up our computers and left them in Gran’s room so no one would take them on the off chance someone in the hospital decided to boost them.

Despite my mother’s fears the food wasn’t bad at all, but I had a hard time eating.

“Visiting hours are ending soon so I think we should head home soon. I feel like we’ve lived a thousand days just today,” I said.

Raine pushed her plate away, sandwich only half-finished. “It has been a long day. Even though we didn’t do anything. I’m exhausted.”

“You don’t have to come with me tomorrow. There’s nothing to do here, unless you want to hang out with Gran and watch shows she wouldn’t approve of.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll stay home, at least for a little while. Get stuff cleaned up, take a shower. But I’ll be over in the afternoon. Promise.”

Her loyalty made me want to cry again.

“I know,” she said. “You don’t have to say a word.”

There was no change the next day, even when I put on that awful Kardashian show that would have driven Gran mad. I tried talking to her, but nothing. The only answer was the beep of the machines.

Raine had come this afternoon and had somehow managed to locate “Dr. Tony” and was currently talking his ear off.

But one thing was different. Roses started showing up, every hour. By the end of the day, Gran’s room was so full, there was barely enough room for the nurses and doctors to get by. I was no rocket scientist, but I could figure out who was responsible for the roses. Mr. Declan Bennet. I sent him a quick text, thanking him. He responded that he had no idea what I was talking about. Yeah, right.

The faces of the doctors and nurses were more and more grim each time they came to take Gran’s vitals or take her for tests or give us an update.

“What are we going to do?” Mom said, Dad’s arm around her, patting her back. Even though Gran wasn’t her mother, they’d been close for years. I didn’t have much contact with my mother’s side of the family. They all still lived in Georgia and didn’t like to venture further north than West Virginia.

“I don’t know. I need to talk to Pearl and Gerald and figure things out. She did leave instructions, but I just don’t know,” Dad said. That should be a fun discussion. I definitely wanted to try and avoid that if I could.

A social worker was called in to mediate the discussion and everyone moved to a quiet room.

“I’ll just wait out here,” I said, and no one fought with me, thankfully. But that meant I had to watch my gaggle of cousins, so I led them down to the lounge and read to the little ones while the older kids stayed glued to their electronic devices.

Raine came and joined me, doing a dramatic reading of Little Red Riding Hood, complete with several different voices and lots of arm flailing. The kids got totally into it and I stole a moment to text Declan again.

Really. Thank you for the flowers. It was so sweet.

His response was a picture of a sleeping Drake.

This was after I read the doggy book seven times.

I smiled at the picture and then responded.

We should really widen his reading scope.

My phone rang and I picked up right away.

“Sorry, I thought since we were texting I might as well get to hear your voice,” he said.

“I’m okay with that.”

“How is she doing?” I was standing right next to the NO CELL PHONES sign so I moved away from it and looked around to make sure no one was watching me.

“The same. My parents and my aunts and uncles are having a meeting about her right now. I didn’t want to be part of it, so I’m watching my cousins. Actually, Raine is watching them. I kind of wish you could be here for her dramatic performance. I might have to hire her for Children’s Hour when the library gets back up and running. She’s got them totally captivated.”

“Are you sure I can’t do anything? Would you like me to stop by?”

“No, you don’t have to. Plus, that would just lead to an interrogation by my mother and if you thought Gran was bad, Mom’s worse.”

He chuckled.

“I thought it would be churlish not to offer. But maybe I could come over? Take your mind off things.” Was he suggesting what I thought he was suggesting? I’d told Raine I’d never thought about it, but Declan . . .

“You sure? I’m not very much fun right now. But that might be nice,” I said.

It might be more than nice.

“Just so you know, Raine might be joining us. Does that change your mind?” I didn’t want to kick Raine out so I could hook up with Declan. I hadn’t done it in college and I wasn’t going to do it now.

“Not at all. Is there anything I should bring?”

I thought for a moment. “Alcohol.”

The meeting went on forever, and the kids were going nuts. Even Raine’s dramatic readings couldn’t keep them in line, so she offered to take them to the vending machines with all the change we could pool between us.

I walked down the hall to the room and put my ear against the crack in the door. The voices were so loud, I didn’t need to bother.

I listened for a moment and that was enough to get the gist.

Some people wanted to take Gran off life support and some wanted to keep her on. Dad and Mom were for keeping her on it, but Gerald and Pearl were against. Apparently her instructions had been a little vague given this particular situation, so there was some gray area.

They couldn’t take her off life support this early, could they? There was still a chance she could wake up. But she was eighty-four. Her body had lived a long time and it didn’t seem right to put her through anything that would cause her to suffer.

It was a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. I didn’t have anything to say that hadn’t already been said, so I just sat on the floor outside the room and waited.

I’d often mused that writers and doctors were similar people. We all had God complexes and liked control. The only thing that separated us was a lot of schooling and science classes. And the fact that the people whose lives I messed with weren’t real.

But this? Deciding on Gran’s life? That was something I never wanted to be a part of.

The door finally opened and the adults emerged. Nobody looked happy.

“What are you doing on the floor? It’s filthy,” Mom said, snapping her fingers at me to stand up. “And where are your cousins?”

“Raine took them to get some snacks.” I wanted to snark back at her, but I was too tired and this wasn’t the right place.

“I hope she isn’t letting them get junk food. Then they’ll be hopped up on sugar.” I didn’t know why she cared. They weren’t her kids. She didn’t have to take care of them.

Raine appeared just then with the kids, who were all excited about the treats they’d gotten from the machine, jumping up and down and showing their parents.

Gerald and Pearl and their significant others exclaimed how wonderful it was, but I could sense they were inwardly groaning.

Dad pulled me away from the group, Mom coming with us.

“What’s going to happen to her?” I said.

He sighed.

“We’ve agreed to give her until the end of the week, and if there’s no improvement . . .” He didn’t need to finish that sentence. I knew what that meant.

So unless Gran became a medical miracle, this was probably the end.

I swallowed hard and turned away from everyone, wrapping my arms around myself. As much as I griped and whined about Gran, I loved her. She was grumpy and judgmental and she drove me nuts. But she was my Gran.

“Hey, you okay?” Raine put her hand on my shoulder and I turned around and hugged her as a reflex.

“It’s not looking good, Raine. I don’t know what else to do.” I would NOT break down like this.

“Oh, babe, I’m so sorry. I wish I could make it better. If only life were like books and we could re-write the endings.” If only. “Let’s go home. It’s not healthy to spend too much time here. And those damn kids wore me out. I don’t know how you do it every day.”

She let me go and I said goodbye to my parents and headed home.

“Oh, Declan’s coming over. Just so you know. You don’t have to leave or anything,” I said.

“Good, because I’m definitely too tired to go out and wander around so you can have sexy times.”

“I wouldn’t make you do that.”

“Oh, really? What about that time with that guy?” She was going to have to be a little more specific. It took me a few moments to sift back in my memory to find what she was talking about.

“I didn’t kick you out. You said you had a study session!” I protested. She gave me a look like I was a moron. “Hey, you told me you had a study session. It’s not my fault I believed you.”

“Yeah, sure.”

It didn’t feel right to be fake fighting with Raine about something stupid. It didn’t feel right to be normal. I should be sitting by Gran’s bedside, holding her hand. Being all Florence Nightingale. I shouldn’t be laughing or smiling. I was definitely doing this wrong.

“Hey,” Raine said, poking my arm as we walked toward the car.

“Sorry.”

“Just making sure you’re not going anywhere.”

“Going where? I’m right here with you.”

She popped the lock on the car and we both got in.

“In your head. Grief has a way of sucking you out of reality and into a dark place that it’s hard to get away from.” I gave her a look. “What? I’ve read about it.”

The bad thing was, I wasn’t in a dark place. I wasn’t in any place. Like I’d completely checked out.

“I’m fine,” I said.

“Uh huh.”

I took another shower when we got back and put on some comfy clothes. I didn’t really care if Declan saw me looking like a slob. Might as well show him what I really looked like when I wasn’t on a date. Besides, he’d seen it before and hadn’t minded.

When I got out, Raine was banging around in the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Making cookies, what does it look like?”

“Um, why?” Raine wasn’t exactly a baker. I could only remember her making things from a box.

“Because this seems like a good time to make cookies, that’s why. You’re supposed to bake in these kinds of situations.”

This explanation was taking too long.

“What kind of situations?”

“You know. Sad ones.”

I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t anything.

“Oh.”

Raine just continued to measure flour and pour ingredients that I didn’t even know we had in our cupboards. When had those appeared?

There was a knock at the door and I went to go let Declan in.

“Hey,” I said. He was dressed, as always, like he’d just stepped out of a men’s cologne advertisement.

“Hello, Blair.” He swept me up in his arms and gave me a damn good hug. “How are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” I said, accidentally telling him the truth. “I guess it doesn’t seem real, so my brain keeps telling me that it’s not.” That was the best way I could explain it.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks.”

He held out another book; Nightshade, by Andrea Cremer.

“Thanks. Again,” I said, stroking the cover of the book.

“You don’t have to thank me.”

Raine cleared her throat.

“It’s nice to see you again, Raine.” Declan said, nodding to her.

“Likewise. Wine?” He held up a bottle he’d brought of his own and Raine grinned.

“Yes, please.”

“So here’s a question for you,” Raine said as she poured Declan a glass of wine. “What are your views on vajazzling?” He nearly dropped the glass when I choked on my own swallow of wine, spraying it all over the counter.

Declan’s response was cut off by him getting up and patting my back and asking if I was okay. I nodded and went to clean up the mess. Raine grabbed some paper towels and I snatched them from her.

“Raine. Are you serious?” I said.

“What? I’m curious about the male perspective,” she said.

Declan drank a gulp of wine and swallowed before he answered.

“I’m afraid I’m not quite familiar with what exactly that is.”

With my eyes, I begged Raine to stop. She was supposed to be trying to make me feel better. Not embarrassing me in front of Declan.

She seemed to get the gist.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Never mind.”

I re-filled my glass to replace the wine I’d wasted.

“Well, now I’m curious. Blair?” he said.

I shook my head.

Declan smiled and pulled out his phone. Thanks, technology. He typed something in and then his eyes went wide.

“Oh, that’s . . . that’s well . . . That’s something.”

He shook his head and put the phone away. Now it was his turn to be embarrassed.

“So, what did you think?” Raine said, leaning on the counter.

“I prefer the natural look, I suppose. Why adorn something that’s fine as it is? Seems like gilding the lily.” That made me snort with laughter. My lily definitely wasn’t gilded and he’d seemed more than okay with it.

“Good answer, Brit. Good answer.” She held up her glass and they clinked them together.

“Are you two ganging up on me now?” I said.

“No,” Raine said at the exact same time Declan said “Absolutely not.”

“It feels wrong to be goofing around like this,” I said as I sat on the couch next to Declan. It was a bit awkward, with the two of us on the couch and Raine in her favorite chair. I tried not to snuggle too close to Declan because I didn’t want to rub being with him in her face. She’d say I was being silly if she knew that’s what I was doing, but it wasn’t silly. She was currently fiddling with the cookies, which smelled amazing, but I was dubious about their quality.

“With your grandmother in such dire circumstances?” he finished.

“Yes.”

“What should you be doing?”

“Staying by her bedside and wailing and crying and carrying on. I should be there with her. Not here laughing and drinking wine with you. It’s just wrong.” There. I said it.

“There is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Feel however you want to feel about it. Anyone who says you should act a certain way hasn’t been through what you’re going through.” What was it about advice told in a British accent? It sounded so much more wise and right.

I kissed him on the cheek. I wanted to do more, but Raine came back with the cookies.

“None of that, you two. Your heterosexual display of affection makes me sick,” she said with a wink, holding out the plate of cookies, which turned out to be chocolate chip.

“They’re not going to kill you, Blair,” Raine said when I didn’t immediately snatch one up.

“I know that,” I said, reluctantly picking one up. Declan followed suit, sensing my hesitance.

I nibbled a corner of the cookie and waited for it to be awful.

“Holy shit, this is amazing!” The gooey deliciousness melted in my mouth and I hurried to take a bigger bite.

“This is fantastic,” Declan said, mid-chew. “Top notch.”

“Thank you, Declan,” Raine said, flashing him a brilliant smile. “And you. How dare you doubt my baking skills?” She turned the smile off and pointed accusingly at me.

“Um, because the only stuff I’ve ever seen you bake comes from a box, and it was never very good. How is it possible that you’ve been holding out on me for this many years?” I said.

She smirked.

“Maybe you don’t know everything about me, Walt. I still have my secrets.” Guess so.

I finished my first cookie in a few bites and went for a second and then a third. Raine finally sat down and joined us. Between the three of us, we finished off the first plate in less than ten minutes.

“So how does it work, exactly? The two of you writing?” Declan said. I could tell he’d been curious about it since I told him.

“Um, it’s a process. We usually write specific scenes and trade them back and forth. Sometimes one of us will write using a Google document so the other can read it as we’re going and make suggestions. It’s a mishmash of crazy. I really have no idea how we do it,” I said, looking at Raine for help.

“It’s easier when we write two points of view. We each take one character and write back and forth. It works.” She shrugged. That was the best explanation. It worked.

“Sounds interesting. I can’t imagine working that closely with someone,” he said. Raine got a second plate of cookies and we started working on those.

“I guess we’re just used to it. At first I thought we’d kill each other, but now we’ve got our system down,” I said. Declan asked more questions about our process and our books and so forth.

“What are you working on right now?” I didn’t really want to talk about that because it just reminded me of the reason I’d agreed to go out with him in the first place and the whole dossier debacle. Raine saved me.

“We could tell you, but we’d have to kill you. Only our agent and editor know.” She winked at him and I’d have to thank her later.

“Oh, well in that case.”

“It’s true,” I said with a serious expression. “We can’t tell anyone about anything.” About to say something else, I was cut off by my phone. It was my mother.

I answered it right away.

“Mom?”

“She’s gone, Blair. She’s gone.”

No matter how much you try to imagine seeing someone who’s died, nothing can prepare you for actually living through it. Not even writing about it.

Gran looked the same, small and fragile in her bed, but there was something missing. Her spirit. I didn’t believe in a lot of that mumbo jumbo, but it was so obvious that she was gone wherever people went when they weren’t alive anymore.

I kissed her cheek again. It was cool, and I tried not to shudder.

“Bye, Gran. I love you.” She couldn’t hear me, but I needed to say it anyway.

“It’s like she waited until we were all gone,” Dad said. So she’d died alone. But I guess we all did, when it came down to it. We came into this world alone and we left it alone.

Everyone was crying and hugging, but I couldn’t. My eyes were dry. But to save face, I kept wiping my eyes anyway.

Raine was here too, but I’d told Declan I didn’t want him here. It was too weird for him to see me like this. Too intimate and too soon.

“We’ll have to start making arrangements,” Mom whispered to Dad and I knew we were in for a whole lot more fighting.

A social worker came to talk to Dad, Gerald and Pearl and the rest of us were shoved into a room to talk with another social worker.

Most of it was a blur. I tuned out the social worker and tried to force myself to cry. Just a few tears. I couldn’t manage to cry for my deceased grandmother? What kind of horrible person was I?

The talking went late into the night and I struggled to keep my eyes open.

“I don’t think there’s much we can do,” Raine said, letting me lean on her shoulder. “And your mother keeps giving me weird looks. She still scares the shit out of me.” She whispered the last part.

She was right. There was nothing I could do, and I felt like I was in the way.

Mom and Dad hugged me goodbye.

“We’ll call you when we figure out the arrangements. Thank goodness she had a will,” Mom said. Because that was the most important thing right now. Her will and who was going to get what. I hadn’t even thought about it until Mom mentioned it. She dabbed at her eyes and Dad patted her on the shoulder.

“Okay,” I said numbly, letting Raine lead me away.

“She had a long life,” Raine said, rubbing my back as I lay in bed, trying to cry. “I really don’t know what to say here, so I’m stealing all my lines from movies and books. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m the girl who can’t cry. I’m the terrible, awful, no-good person who can’t cry about her grandmother’s death.” Raine made a tsk-ing sound and just kept feeding me lines from movies and books that weren’t really helpful, but I appreciated the effort all the same.

“I just want to sleep, but I’m too tired,” I said.

“I hear that. Do you want a pill or something? I’ve still got some from the last time we needed to crash after finishing one of our books.” Sometimes we worked so long that we just needed to catch up on sleep. It probably wasn’t healthy, but we were young and if we couldn’t do it now, when could we?

“Yeah, thanks.” She got me a glass of water and two pills and I took them, hoping they’d kick in ASAP.

“Okay, I’m going to bed. If you need anything, text me. I’ll keep my phone on.”

“Thanks,” I said, closing my eyes. She gave me a kiss on the forehead and then left. All I wanted was to fall asleep for weeks.

So I didn’t sleep for weeks, but it was definitely at least thirteen hours. I woke when Raine told me my mother was on the phone and she wasn’t accepting the excuse that I was sleeping. Even though I was sleeping.

Mom had gone into one of her more manic modes. That was her go-to reaction when something bad happened. Organize things.

“You need to get over here right away. They’re going to be reading the will.” That didn’t take long.

“Okay, okay.” I just agreed and she gave me the address of Gran’s lawyer.

“I wonder if she’ll leave me anything,” I said as Raine made breakfast. “I mean, not that I want her to. That sounds bad.”

“Babe, you have got to stop worrying about what you should or shouldn’t be feeling. It’s me. I don’t judge you, and especially not now. If you’re a gold digger, I’ve yet to see evidence of it. I mean, if one of us is in it for the money, it’s me.” She had me there.

“I can’t help it,” I mumbled as she filled my plate with eggs.

“Do you want me to come?” Writing was a lot of frantic work under extreme deadlines, followed by waiting and not being able to work until you got edits back. We were in the waiting stage, but it didn’t mean we couldn’t start our next project.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got to be a big girl and do this on my own. You’ve been so supportive.” She brushed off my praise.

“It’s what you would do for me. And someday, you’ll pay me back. That’s how friendship works.”

I gave her a hug and tried to eat.

Mom’s no-doubt swollen eyes were hidden behind enormous Jackie O sunglasses. She was the picture of mourning in her black sweater set. Gerald and Pearl were also in their black best. I thought you didn’t do the black thing until the funeral, but it seemed they’d started early.

My clothes were subdued, but I still felt out of place. Like a blinking neon sign. The lawyer introduced himself and we all sat down at a large round table. I was the youngest one, since my aunt and uncle had decided their children probably didn’t need to participate in this. Good plan.

Gran was apparently aware that her time was dwindling, because she’d updated her will only two months ago. The first things listed were her house, her vacation condo, car, jewelry and investments. As the lawyer read how much each was worth, I tried to not let my eyes bug out of my head. Sure, I knew she had money, but I never knew it was THAT much. She’d done her best to divide everything evenly between her three children. Dad was going to be her executor, since he was the oldest, and I waited for Gerald and Pearl to have a problem with that. He’d been her Power of Attorney and that had caused all kinds of drama.

The tension in the room ratcheted up higher and higher and I was just waiting for an explosion. And then I heard my name.

“To my granddaughter, Blair, I leave my emerald necklace, my freshwater pearl earrings, my diamond watch . . .” he went on for a while and then he said something about a trust fund in my name. What now?

“Can you repeat that?” I asked, making the lawyer look up from the pages of documents.

“Your grandmother had a trust fund set up in your name, to be transferred to you upon her death. The current value is three hundred thousand dollars.” My knees started shaking under the table. I wanted to ask him to repeat the number again. Or write it out, or something.

“Shall I continue?” The lawyer asked, all business.

“Yes,” Mom said, pinching my arm.

Three. Hundred. Thousand. Dollars.

That was . . . that was a lot of money. What the hell was I going to do with that much money? I didn’t ask for it. Raine and I were doing fine on our own.

My thoughts were a jumbled mess of guilt that I couldn’t cry, shock over the money and irritation that Gran’s life was being reduced to the things she owned, and not how she’d lived.

Once we got through the will, everyone was silent.

Mom burst into fresh tears, as did Pearl. That made Dad and Gerald cry and soon I was the only dry-eyed one, apart from the lawyer. I ducked my head and kicked myself for not wearing sunglasses to cover my non-teary eyes.

“I’ll give you some time,” the lawyer said, and left the room, but not before handing around a box of tissues.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” I said under my breath as the sound of nose-blowing filled the room.

“I think we all need to take some time to absorb this. How about we call it a day and come back to this some other day?” Dad said, finally taking the lead. “Come on, Camille. Let’s get you home.” He helped Mom get to her feet and the meeting broke up without a resolution.

“But we have so much to do!” Mom protested. “We need to talk about flowers and what kind of music to have at the service, and I don’t know where we’re going to have it so we can get everyone there and then there’s the obituary.” Dad shushed her and I walked out behind them.

The obituary.

“I could do the obituary,” I said, and they both turned to look at me as if they’d forgotten I was there.

“You?” Mom said.

“Yeah. I mean, I want to do something. I’m a good writer. I could do it justice.” Plus, I could make it about her life, and not about the end.

Mom wiped her eyes again and Dad nodded.

“I think that’s a lovely idea, Blair. I’ll let Gerald and Pearl know that you’re going to take care of it. You should probably go through some of her albums. She kept impeccable records of everything.” He gave me a key to her place and said to call him if I had any questions on specifics.

Finally. Something I could do. A task I could complete. Writing. I could do that.

“Let me help you!” Raine said when I told her about the obituary. “Remember that time we had to write our own obits in college?” We’d taken a few journalism classes and one of our assignments had been to write our own obituary. I’d just done it to get it done, but Raine had gone all out, including her time in the Peace Corps, her marriage to Prince Harry and her successful business ventures.

“Yes, I do, which is why I think you should stay out of this. But if you want, you can come with me to her house. I need to get a bunch of pictures and so forth together and get correct dates on everything.”

“Anything I can do to help,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said with a sigh. I hadn’t told her about the money yet. I felt weird about it. Even though the two of us had done well financially with our books, this money was huge. I could buy a house with it. And a car.

So I kept my mouth shut about the trust fund. I wasn’t going to get it right away, anyway. There were legal hoops to jump through, and I was probably going to put it off as long as possible.

“Oh, someone, who is probably British, left this at the front door.” She pointed to a package on the coffee table.

What had he done now?

I opened the box slowly. On the top was a card with a butterfly on it. I opened it to find a sweet note from Declan, expressing his condolences. The words were sincere, and they made me wish I could cry. Alas. Not one tear.

Under the card was a small jewelry box. He’d really upped his present game. Nestled in the box was a set of silver earrings shaped like wings. They were perfect.

“Ooohhh, pretty,” Raine said, peering over my shoulder. “He’s good.”

“I know. And I’m not even his girlfriend.”

“Well, you’re something.” I put the earrings in my ears and went to the bathroom to look at them. They were so pretty.

I immediately texted him a thank you.

It’s the least I could do. How did it go today? I’d been keeping him apprised of what was going on.

Awful. Don’t really want to talk about it.

At least not via text.

Let me know if you need anything, Blair.

Other than what he’d already given me? I couldn’t need anything.

Ttyl.

Just then Madeline called with the news that not only had the library found a temporary space, but someone had donated thousands of dollars to the rebuild fund.

“That’s amazing. Do you know who it was?”

“No, it was anonymous. I wish I knew so I could thank them. Or at least dedicate the new children’s room in their honor. So what we’re working on tomorrow is getting set up in the new space.”

“Do you need me?”

She sighed in relief that I asked. “Desperately.” I could go to Gran’s tomorrow to get everything together. Besides, it would be nice to have something to distract me from feeling guilty about not crying and wondering what the hell I was going to do with that money.

“Oh thank goodness.” She gave me the address and I wrote it down. Nice. It was right up the street from the library in a vacant storefront. Weird that whoever had donated the space didn’t want to be known.

“Who was that?” Raine asked as she baked yet another batch of cookies. I had no idea where this baking obsession had come from, but I didn’t want it to stop anytime soon.

“Madeline. The library has gotten a temp space, so she needs me to come down and help set it up. I didn’t tell her about Gran. Should I have? I just assumed if I did, she’d tell me I didn’t have to come, and I really need to do something else right now.”

“Up to you. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” That wasn’t necessarily true. “Are you sure you’re up for it?”

“I think so. It would be nice to get back to something normal. Or, at least semi-normal. They say things come in threes. So the fire was one, Gran was two. What’s the third thing going to be? Zombie apocalypse?” I shouldn’t have thought about that. Now I’d jinxed myself.

“Babe, I think you need to get out of this house and go do something. It would be good for you,” she said.

“Okay, then I’m going to go over there tomorrow. And then maybe we can head over to Gran’s after. You’re still up for coming with me?”

“Absolutely. Whatever you need.”

The temporary library space was even better than I thought it would be. There were huge windows that opened to the street and had views of the park across the way. The ceilings were high and there was a second floor, complete with an elevator. The windows had little platforms where we could put displays, which would be really fun to set up.

“I think it will work for us,” Madeline said as she strolled across the floor. “We’ve got the temporary shelves coming in, but we’ve got to figure out where everything is going to go before we even think about setting them up.” As always, Madeline was in charge and she’d doled out assignments. There was a thin layer of dust over everything that had to be dealt with first.

I’d worn comfortable jeans and a t-shirt that I didn’t mind getting dirty, and set to work mopping the floor.

“I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you,” Sabrina said as she got on a ladder to wash the enormous windows.

“I know. How’s everything going?”

“Same old, same old. Bored out of my mind. I don’t know what people who don’t work all the time do with themselves. On the bright side, I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix and reading, so I guess that’s something.”

I laughed.

“I know how you feel. I always wish I had free time and then I get some and I don’t know what to do with it, or I feel guilty about wasting time. Not that reading is wasting time, but you know what I mean. There are always little chores that need to be done,” I said.

“Amen.” She sighed and moved down the ladder. “But what I really want to ask you is how have things been with that glorious young man you were flirting with?” I knew she was going to ask about Declan. The conversations around us died down and I could feel all the ears perking in our direction. Word had gotten out about Declan, surprise, surprise. Took long enough.

“Oh, um, things are good. He’s good. I’m good.” I didn’t know how to explain what things were like with Declan.

“Well, my advice is to lock that down as soon as you can. He’s not going to buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. Not that I’m saying you’re a milk-giving kind of girl.” Oh Declan was getting plenty of milk, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t getting anything out of our deal.

“So I should tell him to put a ring on it?” She pointed at me with the rag.

“Exactly,” she said.

Tracy, another one of the librarians started humming “Single Ladies” and that led to us all humming along and dancing as we worked. Who said librarians didn’t know how to have a good time?

“My arms hurt and it doesn’t look any different,” I said under my breath to Sabrina a few hours later. The space was clean (up to Madeline’s exacting standards) and now she was mapping out how to get the maximum amount of shelves in the space without making it too crowded.

“So do you think we should put them this way, or this way? Or maybe zig-zag them?” she said, motioning. Everyone started offering solutions and she wrote them all down.

“How about we calculate the area of the space, how much room we need to walk, and then take what’s left and divide that by the dimensions of the shelves?” I said.

“That’s a great idea,” Madeline said, scribbling it down. “Plus, we’ll have to have space for the check-out desk and reading corner and so forth.” She scribbled down some more numbers and then went to measure out spaces and make marks on the floor.

By the time we’d figured out where to put the shelves, I was tired and achy and hungry.

“I think that’s it for today. The shelves should be here tomorrow, but I’ve paid extra for them to be set up. I’ll be here to supervise, but it would be great to have a few extra hands. Any volunteers?” Nearly everyone’s hand went up. My family was meeting again to deal with the will, so I figured that was going to take most of the day to hash out.

“Sorry, I have a family thing.” I still hadn’t told anyone about Gran. It would have just unleashed a lot of attention and sympathy that I didn’t think I was ready to deal with.

“That’s fine, we’ve got plenty of hands to help. I’m thinking this weekend the replacement books will start coming in. I’ve got an ad in the paper asking for helpers to come and unload. I hope people will show up, but we’ll see.” Oh, people were going to show up. Probably more than she thought.

Raine picked me up from the building and said hello to everyone. They knew her pretty well since she came often to the library to visit me and participate in some of the events.

“Ready to go?”

“I’m starving,” I said, rubbing my stomach. “I’ve barely eaten anything today. And I really want to shower and change my clothes.”

“Well, I’ve got food in the car and we can go home if you want to shower.” Bless her.

I showered at home and stuffed my face with wontons, lettuce wraps and eggrolls and we headed out to Gran’s.

“It feels so empty,” I said when we opened the door. The house was also eerily quiet. I turned the lights on and sighed. “I feel weird now. Like I shouldn’t touch anything.” How was I going to do this? God, it was like I was ransacking her house.

“Just take a minute. We don’t have to do anything today. We can come back tomorrow. Just give yourself some time.” I nodded and slowly walked through the house, looking at all Gran’s things. Her teacup collection, her silver service, her paintings.

“I keep expecting her to walk around the corner and tell me to stand up straight,” I whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” Raine asked, also whispering.

“Because I feel like I’m a criminal and I’m trespassing.” I circled back to the sun porch where we’d had our tea and Gran had met Declan. What a disaster that had started out as, but by the time we’d left, it seemed like she actually liked him.

I inhaled and blew out a breath slowly.

“Okay. I think I’m okay.” Gran kept her albums on a bookshelf in a row. I pulled several of them off and sat down on the floor. They were all dated and there were about thirty of them.

“We should have brought a box or something,” Raine said, sitting down next to me. The albums weren’t even dusty. Someone must have cleaned them off recently.

“Yeah. I guess I wasn’t thinking ahead.” I didn’t open the first album. It was from Gran’s childhood, according to the label on the spine.

“We should just bring them back with us. There’s too many to look at here,” Raine said.

“Okay, but let’s just take a few.” I pulled the first five off the shelf and stacked them up.

“Is there anything else you think we should get? Maybe some of the pictures she has around?” she said. Gran didn’t keep a lot of pictures up, in general. Most of them were formal posed pictures, including her wedding picture and the last photo of the entire family. I was a few years younger and my hair was a lot longer in that picture.

“Yeah, sure.” Raine stacked the pictures in her arms and I got the albums.

“This really does feel like stealing,” I said as we walked out to the car.

“She’s your grandmother. It’s not stealing. She’d want you to write her a good obituary. Don’t you think?”

She would. I hoped she’d be proud that I’d agreed to do this. To do her life justice.

“I guess.” We got the albums in the car and I still felt uneasy. “I wish I could talk to my parents about this, but Mom’s a wreck and Dad’s too busy dealing with her and Gerald and Pearl and I don’t want to bug him.”

“Talk to me. I haven’t been through this before, but I’m here for you, babe.”

“I know. You’re better than a sister.”

“Damn right,” she said.

I kept turning over my shoulder and watching the albums as we drove home. If anything happened to them while they were in my care, I’d never forgive myself. I didn’t think Gran would, either.

“Wow, she looks so young,” Raine said as we looked through the first album. It had taken nearly a half-hour of holding it in my lap before I opened it.

“I know. I’ve only known her when she’s been older. It’s hard to think of your grandmother as being young, you know?” I’d seen pictures of her before, but not so many at once.

She was a beauty, that was for sure. I couldn’t see any of my features in her face.

I put a sticky note on the page with one of her school pictures so I could find it later.

“Look at that one. She almost looks like she has Resting Bitch Face,” Raine said, pointing to a picture where Gran was posed on a bench.

“Yeah, she kind of does.” Clearly, Gran hadn’t been in a good mood for the picture. The more I looked at it, the more I found it hilarious. A snort of laughter escaped my mouth and before I knew it, I was giggling.

“What are you laughing about?”

“Gran’s Resting Bitch Face,” I said between bursts of laughter. “She’d kill me if she heard me say that, but it’s so true.”

I wiped tears of laughter from my eyes. Oh, so I could cry from laughing, but I couldn’t cry from grief. Nice.

“I think I need a break,” I said, setting the album down gently on the coffee table. It had been a long day.

Raine motioned for me to turn my back to her and she started rubbing my shoulders.

“So I was thinking we should go out this weekend. See Angie. I’m sure Blue would give you free drinks if you told him about your Gran.” He probably would. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know. I’ll think about it. I just have so much going on right now.” At least we didn’t have a book due.

“Okay, if you don’t want to do that, then will you look at something I’ve been working on?” Clearly, she’d been waiting to ask me about this.

“You’ve been working on something? When?”

“Couldn’t sleep the other night,” she said, hopping up to grab her laptop and bring it over.

“Is it something for us, or something for you?” We’d talked about writing individual books, but we preferred to write them together. Two brains were better than one.

“It’s a little bit for that secret book we’ve been talking about forever. I just had this voice in my head and I couldn’t get it out.” She pulled up the Word document and handed me the computer.

“If you hate it, don’t tell me.” I wasn’t going to hate it. I could never hate something Raine had written.

“I’ll lie,” I said and started scanning the words while Raine waited, bouncing a little in anticipation of what I would think.

She only had about two thousand words done, but when I got to the end of what she’d written, I had to sit back and think for a minute. But that wasn’t good enough for Raine.

“What do you think? You hate it, don’t you?

I shook my head slowly.

“No, I definitely don’t hate it. It’s amazing, Raine. Freaking amazing.” I wasn’t lying. The words she’d written were dark and gritty and harsh. Nothing like any of our previous books. Where did this come from?

“So it’s good? I’ve never tried something like this, but I just had this voice and it wouldn’t shut up. I didn’t even know what was coming out until I got the words down.” That was the mark of a good story. When it took a hold of you and wouldn’t let go. Not all of our books had been like that, but the few that had consumed us had sold the best and had pleased our fans the most.

“May I?” I said, poising my fingers over the keys.

“Oh, go ahead,” Raine said. I typed a few things, made a few tweaks and then handed the laptop back to her.

“Shit, this is fucking brilliant.” She typed a few more lines and I read over her shoulder as she typed. It was getting more brilliant the more she typed.

“Hand it over,” I said, and she did, and I typed a few more words.

“Oh, snap! We should end the chapter there. On a cliffhanger. Keep ‘em coming back for more.” I glanced at the albums. I really needed to go through them and work on Gran’s obit. But I could feel the words spinning in my brain. I was afraid that if I didn’t get them down, then they would be lost and I wouldn’t get them back.

“Okay, we can work for an hour and then I have to get back to this.”

“Yeah. One hour. You said you needed a break.”

“How the hell has it been three hours?” I said, rubbing my eyes. One hour had multiplied. Once we’d started, we didn’t want to stop. I was using words and descriptions and talking about things I’d never written about before. It felt good and fresh and I was a little high from the experience. We still didn’t know where the story was going. This was a first. Usually, we were meticulous about plotting our books. They didn’t necessarily turn out the way we planned, but at least there was a plan and a direction. This was a complete shot in the dark. It felt awesome.

“I don’t know,” Raine said, pushing her chair away from the desk.

“Holy crap, I’m starving. We should probably eat dinner or something.” She got up and stretched out her shoulders. We both had to remind ourselves to get up and stretch so we didn’t end up with hunchbacks. I was thinking of going to see a chiropractor soon. I’d rather spend money now than have a bowed back later.

“Hey, how about I make us something to eat and you can get back to work on the albums?” she said. I slowly got to my feet and sat back on the couch.

I was just opening the album when my phone went off. Another text from Declan.

Do you think I might be able to see you this weekend? I understand if you have family obligations, or if you’re not ready.

I did have family obligations, but I definitely wanted to see him. Between him and Raine, they were a break from the crazy that was my family.

Not sure when, but definitely. I need a break from everything.

I was definitely going to need a break after tomorrow. It was going to be a clusterfuck of epic proportions. There was no way around it.

Fantastic. Let me know and I’ll come pick you up.

Good. I had a little bright spot to look forward to.

I cracked the album open and went through more of the pictures. I found another one with Gran wearing a sour face. Guess she wasn’t always so poised.

I made it through the first album and then went to the second. There were so many pictures of Gran posing with people I didn’t know. I wondered if their names or any other information was written on the backs, but I didn’t dare take them out of the album.

“Hey, why don’t you scan them? Then you won’t have to worry about the pictures being lost. You could put them into a slideshow or something,” Raine called from the kitchen.

Why hadn’t I thought of that? I got out my tablet and started taking pictures of the pictures. Gotta love technology.

My phone went off again, but this time it was my parents calling. I sighed heavily and then picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Blair,” Dad said, and I was relieved.

“Hi, Dad. You doing okay?”

“I’m doing fine. Your mother is having a hard time, so I’m trying to be strong for her. It’s a lot to deal with.”

“It is.” I set the album aside so it didn’t fall off my lap. “Anything I can do?”

“You’re already doing enough. How is the obituary going?”

“Um, good. I’m just trying to get a sense of what I should write. I went to Gran’s and got some of her albums so I could get some of the pictures. Want me to read you what I’ve got so far?”

“Sure.”

I got my notepad where I’d started scribbling down ideas. I’d read some obits to make sure I followed the right form. It was sad how some obituaries were so short and didn’t contain much information. As if the person’s life hadn’t meant anything. I was a firm believer that everyone had a story. You just had to find it.

“How’s that?”

“Sounds good so far, Blair. You’re doing a good job. I’m very proud of you.”

“Thanks, Dad.” We rarely had moments like these. Sad that it took Gran’s death for one of them to happen.

“I was also wondering if maybe you could take your mother out sometime this weekend. Just get her out of the house for a while.”

That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I was going to suck it up because Dad rarely ever asked for anything. He needed a break.

“Sure. I’ll make an appointment at the salon for us to get our nails done. How do you think she’d feel about a massage?”

“I think you know how she feels about massages.” Mom was of the opinion that massages were just ways for creepy strangers to grope you. True story.

“It was worth a shot. I’ll call the salon tomorrow and get her in.” Mom had gone to the same salon since I’d been alive and if she wanted an appointment, they’d squeeze her in, even if they had to bump someone else. My mother was a good tipper.

“Thank you, Blair. That means a lot.”

“Sure. So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes. We’re having everyone here at ten to finish making arrangements for the funeral and to talk about the will. Don’t be late.”

“I won’t,” I said and we hung up.

“I have to take my mom to the spa this weekend.” I groaned and leaned my head back.

“Ouch. I’m sorry. If there was anything I could do to make that better, I would.” There wasn’t anything she could do. This was my mother. My responsibility. And at least she was alive. Some people didn’t have mothers at all.

“No, it’s fine. Maybe she’ll be subdued.” Unlikely. I went back to the albums and spent the rest of the night going through them, even after Raine had gone to bed.

So many pictures. Gran lived a lot of life in eighty-four years. I smiled when I got to her wedding pictures. God, she looked so young. I couldn’t imagine getting married as young as she had. I wasn’t ready for marriage now. Not for years at least. Mom always nagged me about my biological clock, but I was able to ignore most of it.

I finally closed the last album and tried to sleep, but it wouldn’t come. I had an impulse and picked up my phone.

Are you still awake?

I sent the text before I could second-guess myself.

The response came only a moment later.

Yes. Need to talk?

I did. I hit Dial on his number and waited for him to answer.

“Hello, Blair. Can’t sleep?”

“Not really. I’ve been going through my Gran’s albums and my brain won’t shut up. I’m just thinking about a bazillion things at once. I’m sorry if you were busy or asleep.”

“I’m not busy at all. Drake woke up from a nightmare, and I just put him back to bed. He has a tendency to have more than one in a row, so I’m just awake and listening for him.” I resisted the urge to say “awww”.

“How’s he doing? I feel like I haven’t seen both of you in forever.”

“He’s well. He also misses you. He’s been asking about you incessantly. I think he likes you more than lollipops.”

That made me laugh.

“What an endorsement! He’s such a great kid.”

“I think I’ll keep him.” We both laughed. “So how are you?”

“Okay, I guess. Coping. Can I tell you a secret?”

“I love secrets.”

“You can’t judge me,” I said.

“I would never judge you.” Yeah, yeah. That’s what people said the second before they judged you.

“I haven’t cried for Gran. Not one tear. It’s like I’m stuck, or I can’t believe it or something. Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Blair, everyone deals with grief in their own way. But you know that.”

“I guess. But my mom is a constant wreck. Dad called me to take her out this weekend to get her off his hands. I feel like a bitch for not wanting to do it.”

“Feel however you want to feel.” Raine had said the same thing. “You don’t need permission to do anything, Blair.” I definitely had never needed permission before.

“Thanks, Declan.”

“You’re very welcome, Blair. Now, tell me something about your Gran. A funny story.” A funny story? About Gran? Had he met her?

“Um, the only funny stories I know about Gran involve me doing something wrong and her giving me a look or a reprimand. I’ve got hundreds of those stories.”

“Tell me one. Please.” I knew what he was doing and I would have kissed him if he were here.

“Okay. So when I was fifteen I had this sort of Goth/emo phase. Like, hair in the face, black eyeliner, the whole thing. I was trying on identities at that point, trying to figure myself out, as teenagers do.” I didn’t have many pictures of that brief phase of my life, thankfully.

The story went on that I had to go have my Sunday visit with Gran and I refused to wear the proper clothes and take off the makeup. My mother was about ready to strip me and hose me down, but Dad just smiled and told her to let me go as I was.

“So I showed up and she took one look at me and then her eyes narrowed. She turned around and walked back to the table and sat down. I was shocked because she normally had a whole protocol for eating. You saw it. So I just followed her and sat down. She poured tea and set out cookies and completely ignored me. She wouldn’t even look at me. I think I said something snarky and she kept pretending I wasn’t there. The entire time, she didn’t acknowledge my presence. So then I asked her why and that made her speak.”

She’d said, “I don’t talk to strangers.” I’d asked her what she was talking about. “I’m not talking to strangers. If my granddaughter were here, I’d speak with her, but she isn’t.” I’d probably mumbled something and then she’d cleared up the table and left me there.

I’d followed her to the kitchen and she’d just kept ignoring me. It wasn’t so bad, but when Mom came to pick me up, Gran had ripped her a new one. I don’t remember what was said, but it wasn’t anything good. Gran basically said that I would never show up in such an outfit again. It wasn’t befitting her grandchild and if I did wear such a thing again, she’d lock the door.

Mom had been humiliated and had yelled at me the whole way home. That was when I decided that my rebellion had to be selective. Wait until I got to school to put on my eyeliner and change my clothes. When I started getting tattoos, hiding those. I’d been doing it that way since then and it had worked for the most part. I could be whoever I wanted to be on my own time, but there was a time and a place.

Declan laughed at my story.

“Well, you don’t have to change yourself for me.”

“I know. That’s why I like you so much. It’s so much work being with my family. Trying to watch what I say and do. I’m just not cut out to be one of those women.” Actually, not many women were cut out for that. Being a proper lady was constant work and took years of training. I was either too lazy, or didn’t care. Or both.

“Thanks for talking to me,” I said, turning over on my side and resting the phone against my ear.

“I enjoy speaking with you just as much. Oh, I think I hear Drake.”

“Go, go. I’ll talk with you later.”

“Goodbye, Blair.” He hung up before I could respond.

The meeting with my family started out well, but quickly devolved. Well, not completely. Since everyone had been raised with hardcore manners and decorum, the disagreements weren’t loud, but the tension filled the room and it was almost worse. The repressed irritation and anger made me almost sick.

It wasn’t what people said, but how they said it, and what they left unsaid. Reading between the lines, Pearl and Gerald were pissed that Dad was the executor, even though they were co-executors and any paperwork would require their signatures as well.

“We were just as close with her, and I spent a lot of time at that house, doing repairs and chores that I paid for out of my own pocket,” Gerald said. I nearly fell over. Seriously? Was he really doing this? Now?

To his credit, Dad didn’t yell or scream or freak out. He just talked in a calm and soothing voice that Gran had planned this out and had made sure that everything was divided evenly. Because that was what really mattered right now. How her assets were divided.

Dad changed the subject and they started talking about funeral arrangements. Gran had planned for that too and had listed all the things she wanted and had been saving money in a special account. That woman was prepared. I tuned most of it out and wished Raine had come with me so we could text each other back and forth. Mom got up to make some more coffee and I went with her.

“Hey, Mom, I was thinking you might want to go to the spa on Saturday and get a facial or get your hair done. What do you think? You’ve been through a lot and you deserve a break.” Dad deserves a break. She sniffed and started measuring out more coffee for the press. Because we couldn’t have instant. We had to have fresh ground, French press coffee.

I washed the cups out and dried them.

“That would be nice, but I have too much to do here.”

“It’s just for a few hours. Let yourself have a break. Gran wouldn’t want you running yourself ragged. How we present ourselves is important.” Gran had said that often enough. I’d always ignored it.

She wiped her eyes with a dishcloth.

“You’re right. Thank you, Blair. It would be good to spend some time with my only daughter.” I gave her a limp hug and helped her clean up the kitchen and bring out the coffee when it was ready.

Everyone was still going over the arrangements, and I felt useless. Then I heard my name.

“Blair’s going to write the obituary, so was there anything you thought should be included?” Pearl and Gerald started talking over one another, making suggestions. Dad handed me a pad of paper and a pen to write them down.

Pearl wanted me to list all the charities Gran gave or donated time to and Gerald started listing relatives that I needed to include. I got down as much as I could, hoping I could fit it all in.

They kept talking and talking and my head felt like it was going to explode. But then Mom started crying again and Dad decided it was enough.

“Did she agree to go to the spa?” he said in my ear as he hugged me goodbye.

“Yes. I’d offer to pick her up, but you know how she feels about my driving.” Not good.

“I’ll drive her,” he said and let me go. I hugged the rest of my relatives and headed to Gran’s house to get some more of the albums.

Raine had been working since we got up in the morning.

“I can’t even believe how awesome this is. I mean, I know I wrote it, but it’s awesome.” I hurried over to read.

“Holy shit, how many words have you written today?”

“Eleven thousand. I know. I KNOW.” I didn’t think I’d ever written that much in a day. I’d tried, but couldn’t get past around nine thousand before my brain shut down. “I started and I couldn’t stop. I know this means that I’ve been writing more of this book than you have.”

She looked down, as if she was ashamed.

“That’s fine, Raine. I’m not going to be mad at you for writing something. What kind of best friend and co-writer would I be?”

“I know, but I still feel bad. Here’s my idea. I’m going to turn this into the guy’s POV and you can do the girl’s.” I smiled.

“You know, I was thinking the exact same thing when I couldn’t sleep last night. You know you’re better at guy POV than I am.”

She flashed a smug grin.

“That’s because I was a dude in a past life.” Wouldn’t surprise me. “So that means this book is going to be hella long. And I’m sure our publishers are going to hate it,” she said.

“Which means we have to write it,” I said, finishing for her. That was how we’d started. Writing a book that no one thought we should write. It had worked for us so far.

“Abso-fucking-lutely. We’re writing this shit. And even if no publisher will buy it, we can indie publish the hell out of it. We might even make more money.” True. I didn’t know much about that process and it seemed like a lot of work. We’d definitely have to hire an assistant if we wanted to do that. Eh, we’d cross that bridge when we got there. The book needed to get written first.

“I also updated the blog and answered a bunch of email. I’ve done so many grown-up things today. I deserve cookies.” She hopped up from her chair and ran to the cupboard to grab the Oreos.

“Be careful, you’ll ruin your dinner,” I said.

“I’m a fucking adult. Ruining my dinner is one of the few pleasures in life,” she said as she stuffed the cookies in her mouth.

“True story. Give me some of those.”

Raine kept working on the story and I worked on Gran’s obituary. I was also documenting all the pictures in the albums. I’d gotten the idea to put all of them on a disk and give that to Dad and Gerald and Pearl. So they could all have them. It would probably cause a shit ton of drama, but I was going to do it anyway.

“Okay, how does this sound?” I read the obit aloud to Raine. I thought I got everything, including her marriage, her charity work, her hobbies and all the surviving relatives who needed to be listed.

“I’m going to send it to you so you can see if there are any typos that I missed, but I wanted to read it aloud for flow. Is it too long? I don’t know if they’re going to make me cut it down.” I didn’t know what the rules were for the local paper. I was also sending a copy down to the paper in the town she’d been born and had grown up in.

“It sounds really good. Very respectful and nicely-worded. She’d be proud.” I hoped so. I didn’t know how Gran would feel about it. I only knew that she’d want me to choose a picture that she looked good in, so I was definitely using her wedding picture.

I sent Raine the final draft and then took a break from the computer to text Declan.

Finished Gran’s obit. Feeling weird.

He called me immediately.

“Drake, hush. Daddy’s on the phone. Hello, Blair.” Ah, the joys of parenting.

“I’m good, how are you? And how’s Drake?”

“He’s being a little ornery at the moment. No, you can’t. I said no.”

“Sounds like you have your hands full. I should probably let you go.”

“No, no. It’s fine. Just give me a moment.” He muffled the speaker, but I could hear him reprimanding Drake and then another sound that was probably the television.

“Sorry, I put the telly on. That should distract him for a few minutes.” He sounded exhausted.

“So I wanted to talk to you because I have to take my mom to the spa on Saturday, but I’m free that night. You know. If you want to do something.” And by something, I meant me.

“I think that could be arranged. Would you like to go out or stay in?” In. Him inside me. That was what I wanted.

“In. Definitely in.”

I still felt a twinge of guilt for wanting to hook up with Declan, but I was doing better.

He chuckled. “I’ll see what I can do. Pick you up at seven?”

“Definitely.”

“Drake,” he said, sighing and then covering the speaker again. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet. Put him on.” The phone was handed off and then I heard Drake breathing into the speaker.

“Hi, Drake. How are you?”

“Hi, Blair. I eated all my dinner.”

“Good job, buddy.”

“Will you read to me?”

“Not right now, but soon. I miss seeing you at the library. Will you come back and see me soon?”

“Uh huh. I gotta go now. Bye bye!” The phone was handed back and I heard Drake singing and scampering away.

“I’ll let you get back to that,” I said to Declan.

“You know, parents used to give their children whiskey when they were teething and to make them sleep. Is it wrong I’ve considered slipping cough medicine in his juice?”

“Your secret is safe with me. As long as you won’t tell anyone I can’t cry about Gran.”

“Fair enough. It’s a deal.”

We hung up and I found Raine staring at me.

“You’re getting laid, aren’t you?”

“Maybe. I mean, we’re going out.” She handed me a plate of chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans.

“No. I think you said in. As in, he will be inside you.”

“Raine.”

“Don’t even give me that. Go. Get laid. Have wild sweaty times with the sexy Brit. I’m not stopping you.”

She sat down next to me with her own plate.

“Crap, I forgot drinks,” she said.

“Got it.” I stood up and went to grab milk for both of us.

“So I’m guessing that means you’re ditching me and Angie to hang out with Declan?” What the what?

“We didn’t even have concrete plans, Raine. But I can still go out on Friday, if you want. I might need it because I have to spend the next afternoon with my mother.” I was going to need a few drinks beforehand. Definitely.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Or maybe you and Angie could go out without me. We’re kind of attached at the hip. I mean, we do just about everything together.” Even more now that we were home all the time and Raine was helping with everything.

“You’re right. I guess. I should probably learn how to go out without you. If this thing goes far with Declan.”

“What do you mean? We’re not seriously dating.”

She snorted into her mashed potatoes.

“Uh huh. Sure.”

“What the hell?”

She put her plate down and drained her glass of milk.

“Oh, nothing. Just that you’ve met his kid, you talk all the time and you have amazing sex. Sounds like a relationship to me. And you definitely more than like him. You’re in that place between like and love. There should really be a word for that place.”

I shook my head.

“You’re crazy. Sure, I like him. Really like him. And I like his kid. But that’s it. Okay, so I do love having sex with him, but amazing sex a permanent relationship does not make. The sex thing is just because it’s new and forbidden. I’m sure once it wears off we’ll get tired of one another and that will be that.”

“Do you actually think about the words that come out of your mouth before you say them? Because they’re sounding like bullshit.” She was really pushing my buttons.

“Look, I don’t need this right now. I’m dealing with enough. Can you just lay off?” I got up to take my plate to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry.” She brought me her plate and I rinsed it off and put it in the dishwasher with mine. I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms. “That was a dick move. I shouldn’t be harassing you right now. Forgive me?” She pouted and held her arms out.

“You know I do,” I said, hugging her. “I can never stay mad at you. It’s one of the reasons we’re still friends.” We fought, but we always made up right away. I’d never been mad at Raine for longer than a day.

“True, true. Hey, will you read over what I worked on? I’m hitting a wall right now and I need your sexy brain.” I slung my arm around her shoulder and we headed back to our desk.

“Lay it on me.”

“Stop slouching,” Mom said as we sat next to each other and got our nails done. I guess since Gran had left an open space in my life for massive amounts of nagging, Mom had decided to fill her post.

I straightened my back and tried to think of something neutral we could talk about.

“So, um, how’s everything?” Lame. That was made of lame.

“Blair.”

“What? I’m just trying to make conversation.” That earned me one of my mother’s trademarked stern looks. I glanced at the woman doing my nails and she raised her eyebrows. Yeah, I know. I might be a grown-ass woman, but my mom will always treat me like a naughty teenager.

“Things are a mess, and you know that. Your father’s siblings are turning into gold diggers, your Gran decided she wanted to be cremated, and we can’t seem to find the flowers she wanted.” She looked upward, as if she was glaring at Gran for dying and making things so difficult.

“And it’s just . . . it’s hard.” Mom’s voice broke and she started sobbing again. The manicurist gave my hand back and I patted her shoulder awkwardly.

“I know, I know.” I couldn’t really hug her because our nails were wet. The manicurist dabbed at the tears running down Mom’s face. “Do you need help?” I cringed as I asked, but I would have felt horrible for not asking.

“No, no. I can handle it. I just have my moments. Nothing a trip to the powder room and a quick makeup fix can’t mend.” She smile and I took my hand back so the manicurist could get back to work.

“Well, you can talk to me if you want.” I wasn’t sure how that would go. My mother and I hadn’t had a heart-to-heart in years. If ever.

“Thank you, dear. I’m fine.” We both knew I wouldn’t be helpful. I’d probably end up swearing or saying something sarcastic and she’d get upset and that would be the end of that.

We both got facials and by the time Dad picked Mom up, she seemed to be in much better spirits, even criticizing my wardrobe. I almost smiled.

It really hadn’t been that bad and I said we should do it again soon.

“Of course,” Mom said and we shared another limpish hug. Dad thanked me and helped her into the car, saying they’d see me next week. They were planning the funeral for Saturday and I’d volunteered to help. Somehow. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. I’d only been to a few funerals and that was when I was younger. I had no memory of what was actually supposed to happen. Maybe I should Google it.

I headed back to the apartment to see if Raine was up. We’d gone out with Angie the night before and she’d gone a little too far. I’d nearly had to carry her out of the car and to bed where she passed out so fast I had to check her breathing.

She’d been answering my texts all day so I knew she was probably recovering.

“Lucy, I’m home!” I called.

“Too. Loud,” a voice said from the couch. Raine’s head peered over the top of the couch. Wow. Now that was a bed head.

“Sorry,” I said, whispering. “How are you feeling?”

“Not good. Why didn’t you cut me off?” I shucked my shoes off and sat on the couch, moving her feet and then replacing them in my lap.

“Because you’re sneaky. You kept stealing people’s beers. Blue cut you off too, but you wouldn’t stop.” For someone who was tiny, she could hold a lot of booze.

“I don’t remember that.”

“Then you probably don’t remember the two guys you proposed to.”

“What?”

“Yeah, that happened. But they were married. To each other.” Best. Story. Ever.

She groaned and I saw the remains of the hangover kit I’d left for her this morning.

“Need something?”

“I need a shower.” I got up and helped her stand and stumble to the bathroom. She might be able to hold her liquor, but she held it for a long time. Her hangovers were legendary. It was a wonder she touched the stuff.

“So how was your spa day with your parental unit?” she said through the bathroom door. We often had conversations like this. I drew the line at being in the same room while the other one showered. That just went too far.

“Fine, actually. She was back to her old self by the end. Funny how getting your nails done and the dead skin scraped off your face can do that.”

I gently rubbed my face and hoped the redness was going to go down soon. That was the downside of getting a facial. Other than having to deal with my mother, which hadn’t been so bad. Maybe I was finally getting good at it.

“I should get a facial. We should do that together. We could probably get a couple’s massage. You know, pretend to be life partners.” That reminded me of my joke to Declan that Raine and I should be platonic life partners.

“Yeah, I think we share enough stuff already. Hey, so I need your help picking out my outfit for tonight. Damn, I’m going to have to put on so much makeup to cover up the blotchiness from the facial. I should have thought about that beforehand.” Ah, well. Hindsight and all that jazz.

“Done.” She started humming and I went to my closet to see what I should wear. The underwear part was easy. It was what to put over it that gave me issues.

By the time Raine joined me, I wasn’t picking out a date outfit.

“It’s looking kind of . . . black dress in here.” I’d realized I was going to have to wear something to Gran’s funeral, so I’d pulled out every black dress I owned and spread them out, trying to decide which one would work. I’d have to wear a cardigan over it to cover my tattoos, naturally, but I just couldn’t figure out which one was right. Gran would probably hate all of them, so I had to find one she’d hate the least. Or go shopping.

“Yeah, I was picking out a date outfit, but then I started thinking about Gran’s funeral and here I am.” I motioned to the dresses.

“Well, you’re not going to a funeral tonight. We’ll cross the black dress bridge when we get there. Do you want to go casual or dressy? Or in-between? Or maybe just something that isn’t too difficult for him to rip off you?” I looked away from the black dress explosion.

“The last one.”

“That’s what I thought. Go with this,” she said, holding up a loose gray shirt that draped around the neck. “And this.” A pair of black pants that made my ass look amazing was added to the shirt she tossed on my bed. “And maybe some longer earrings and a pair of heels that you can just slip off. Boom. Done.” She made an exploding noise.

“Thanks. You rock.”

“Yes. I do.”

She winked and left the room so I could change. I left the black dresses out, though. Maybe she could pick one for me while I was gone. Then I wouldn’t have to think about it.

“Are you running out of books yet?” I asked when he showed up with just one title. Snow White and Rose Red.

“Not quite. I’ve got a list,” he said, kissing me on the cheek. “It feels like ages since I saw you. I’m so sorry about your grandmother. Give your family my most sincere condolences.” Man, did the British know how to offer condolences.

“Do you they teach you how to do that in school over there? Because you’re really good at it,” I said. Raine popped out of her bedroom where she’d been blasting Depeche Mode. Guess the hangover was finally unhung.

“Yes. It’s part of the curriculum,” he said.

“Hey, Brit,” Raine said, going to the kitchen to find the Oreos. “What’s shaking?”

“Not much. How are you?”

“Same old, same old. Just making a list of ways to kill you when you inevitably break Walt’s heart.” She crunched down on a cookie and smiled.

“Raine! Filter!” She just winked at Declan.

“You feel me?” she said, her eyes narrow.

“Yes. I do. And, for what it’s worth, I think the heart that’s going to do the breaking is mine,” he said.

“And now we leave. Right now.” I grabbed Declan’s hand and dragged him out of the apartment as Raine cackled. Oh, she was asking for it.

“She’s so cheeky,” Declan said, letting himself be led away.

“That’s one word for it.”

“You’re not mad at her, surely.” I sighed.

“No. Not really. I never stay mad at her for longer than a few minutes. She has some sort of power over me.” Now it was his turn to laugh.

“She has something about her.”

I stopped walking.

“Are you trying to tell me you’re attracted to my roommate-slash-best-friend-slash-platonic-life-partner?” I was totally joking, but kinda curious to see his response to my question. It was kind of mean of me to ask because he couldn’t really win, no matter how he answered.

“No, I’m attracted to girls who have a little something . . . different about them.” When he said the word “different” he grabbed my ass, making me yelp.

“So you’re only with me for my ass?”

He grabbed the other cheek and yanked me toward him. His eyes blazed down at me.

“You know that’s not the reason. You’re trying to bait me.”

“Maybe. But it’s kind of fun.” I was definitely enjoying this. His hands moved upward to circle my waist.

“Now who’s being cheeky?” he said and smacked my ass.

“You British bastard,” I said, but I was smiling.

“American hussy.”

Now that was funny.

“Gran used to call girls hussies who wore bright red lipstick. It’s why I always wore it.” In fact, I was wearing it right now. I puckered my lips and Declan bent his head.

“I like your lips. And everything else about you.” He pressed his mouth to mine and I put my arms around him. I’d always thought it was silly when girls in the movies did that little foot pop thing when they got kissed, but I could feel my foot wanting to lift off the ground as Declan kissed me, grabbing the back of my head and then slipping his tongue between my lips.

Abruptly, the kiss ended.

“But we should probably get going. I want to kiss you in a place that has a bed I can throw you on.” He smacked the other ass cheek. Jeebus, I hoped he wasn’t going to leave handprints.

“So, speaking of going, where are we?” God, I loved this car. I’d always thought fancy cars were a waste of money, but I was learning the appeal of riding in style.

“Do you honestly think I would tell you that after being secretive for all of our previous dates?” Yeah, well. It was worth a shot.

“Fine, fine. Then I won’t tell you what color my underwear is.” He chuckled and turned the radio on.

“Can I guess?”

“No.”

The sounds of a group of children singing filled the car.

“What is that?” I said.

“Sorry.” He quickly hit some buttons on the fancy dashboard and the music shifted to “All of Me” by John Legend. Nice. Very nice. “Drake insists on listening to children’s music when I drive him and I forgot that I had it on.” I snorted and shifted in my seat, my foot hitting something on the floor. I bent over and picked it up, finding a sippy cup.

“I’m guessing this is also his,” I said, holding the cup up.

“No, that’s mine. Hand it over.” I did and he sucked from the cup. “Grape juice,” he said to my unanswered question.

“You are so attractive with that cup. It’s making me super hot right now.”

“Want a sip?” He held the cup out and I declined.

“Probably wise. Children are germ factories. I’m always catching something from Drake.” He tossed the cup in the backseat and adjusted the air.

“Don’t you know that there are girls who go for guys who have kids? I think it’s some sort of evolutionary thing. If a man can prove he’s a good father, then he makes a better potential mate and all that. Funny that we have all these instincts we don’t even know about.”

“I’m not sure that my fatherhood makes me as much of a catch or if it’s my money. Well, my father’s money.”

“I’m guessing you have a lot? I’m not trying to pry. Just asking.”

“No, I don’t mind you asking. I know it comes from the right place. Let’s just say I have enough money. With a bit more.” That was a nice way of putting it.

“My Gran left me a bunch of money,” I blurted out. I didn’t intend to tell him, but there it was. “I had no idea. And now I don’t know what to do about it. I mean, it’s not like I’m destitute, but it’s a lot of money at once. I mean, what do I do with it? I don’t even really want it.” This must be what lottery winners felt like.

“I’m not sure I’m the person you should be asking. I wasn’t very good with money when I was younger. Most of what I have is invested, waiting for Drake when he gets older. Before I had him, I did what I wanted. My father raised me to value money, but I was spoiled and stupid.” He shrugged one shoulder.

“What’s the craziest thing you spent money on?” I asked.

“I bought a helicopter.”

“You bought a helicopter?” I had no idea how much one would cost, but I’d bet it wasn’t cheap.

“Yes. I had grand ambitions about learning to fly it, but those never came to fruition.”

“Why not?”

“Drake. Silly as it seems, when he came along, all of that wasn’t important anymore. And I had this fear that I would die in a fiery crash and then he’d be fatherless. Strange how your priorities shift when you have a child.”

“Do you still have it?”

“No, I sold it a few years ago.”

Ellie Goulding came on and I turned it up a little.

“No one else knows about the money but my family. I haven’t told Raine. I don’t know why. It feel like it would make things weird.”

“Money can do that. But your relationship is strong. I don’t think even a little bit of money could come between you two.” Well, wasn’t that the truth?

“I know you’re right. I’m being stupid about it. I don’t know. I feel like I’m so off-balance. Everything has changed and I can’t seem to get back to normal. Or whatever that is now. Things are changing so fast.”

“Life has a way of doing that,” he said.

Yes. It did.

We pulled up outside of a beautiful hotel.

“Swanky,” I said as Declan got out of the car and handed the keys to the valet before coming over to open my door.

“I thought I should spoil you tonight.” Yeah, like that was any different than the other times we’d gone out.

“You know, this is a little coincidental given the conversation we just had.” He escorted me through the front door and toward the restaurant attached to the hotel.

“True. But this hotel makes the best drinks around,” he said.

“You trying to get me drunk so you can have your way with me?” I said as we walked into the dimly-lit bar.

“I don’t need to get you drunk for that,” he whispered in my ear, shivers going down my spine.

Yet another truth.

“Good evening, sir, do you have a reservation?” the perky hostess asked.

“Yes, it’s under Bennet.”

The hostess scanned her book and then smiled.

“Right this way, Mr. Bennet, Mrs. Bennet.” Wait, what? Declan winked at me as the hostess led us through the restaurant and to a private corner with a table set for two.

Declan held my chair out for me and the hostess handed me a menu.

“Our wine and beer list is on the back, and our bartenders can make just about anything you could possibly want. I’ll give you a minute to look that over and then I’ll come back and tell you about our specials.”

We thanked her and I glanced over the wine list.

“What are you going to get?” I asked.

“Are you feeling adventurous?” Declan said, scanning the menu.

“Always.”

The hostess came back and asked if we were ready for drinks.

“Surprise us,” Declan said. She smiled and launched into the specials, going into great detail. I pretended I knew what she was talking about. I considered myself well-versed in cuisine, but some of the stuff was beyond my scope.

She left us again to fetch our drinks and I finally looked the food section of the menu over.

“Hey, what are you going to order?” I whispered.

“Not sure yet. Anything look good? Or are you feeling adventurous again?”

“Maybe.”

Our server came back with our drinks. They were a light blue color and served in martini glasses.

“It’s called an Aviator. The blue is supposed to look like the sky.” Well, it was pretty, that was for sure. I took a cautious sip and swallowed. It was good, but holy hell, it was strong. A few of these and I was going to be on the floor.

“Are you ready to order?” she asked, not taking her eyes off Declan.

“Yes. Surprise us,” Declan said, handing over the menus. The server looked at him in amazement.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“All right,” she said.

I sipped my drink again and Declan held his up.

“To surprises.” We clinked our glasses together and drank again. “That is strong,” he said, shaking his head as he swallowed.

“I know. But it’s good. This is a really nice place. Thanks for bringing me here.”

“You’re welcome, Blair.” He smiled at me and I watched the warm light bounce off his hair. I’d never known anyone who had hair that blond without chemical enhancement.

“So how’s everything been going? I feel like I’ve been talking too much about me,” I said, my face going red.

“Things are going as usual. My life is somewhat boring. Work, classes, Drake. Oh, and you.”

“I’m glad I made the list.”

“You definitely make the list.”

We sipped our drinks and tried to guess what the server was going to bring us. I was sure whatever it was, it would be fabulous.

“Here we are,” the server said, setting our plates down. It was some kind of meat substance.

“It’s not on the menu, but keep that a secret,” the server said. “It’s something the chef whipped up with duck and mushroom risotto.”

“We won’t tell,” I said in a low voice.

“The secret is safe with us,” Declan added.

“Enjoy your meal.” We thanked her and looked down at our plates.

“Well. I don’t know if I’ve ever had duck before,” I said, picking up my fork. This could be interesting.

“Tastes like chicken,” Declan said.

“It does?” I cut a piece and speared it with my fork. It was dark brown and crispy. It smelled amazing, and looked even better.

“Not really. That’s what I tell Drake when I want him to try something new.” I stuck my tongue out at him and put the piece of duck in my mouth. It was more like dark meat turkey than anything else. Wow, it was really good.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

“It’s freaking awesome. Who knew?” I tried some of the risotto and it was fantastic as well. I had to fight the urge to shovel everything in my mouth all at once.

“They did a really good job with the duck. Sometimes it can be greasy, but this is perfect,” Declan said.

“How is it?” the server asked when she came to check on us. Both of our plates were empty. I almost wanted to ask for seconds.

“Guess it was good then,” she said, laughing. “How about some dessert?” Yes. Yes was the only answer to that question.

Declan ordered bananas foster and I ordered tiramisu so we could swap bites, and we both got second rounds of the aviator drink.

“I think you’re going to have to roll me out of here,” I said, scraping up the last bit of dessert from my plate.

“That was brilliant,” he said, setting his fork down and draining the last of the drink from his glass. “I’ve never had food here, just drinks. It’s one of my father’s favorite places to take potential clients.”

“Yeah, I definitely want to come back here.” Declan paid the bill and then escorted me back inside the hotel, picking up our room key at the front desk.

“I thought about the penthouse, but I got a suite instead. Hope that’s all right with you.” Yeah, it was more than all right.

“Depends on the size of the room,” I said with a serious face. “Kidding. You could take me to a Motel Six and I’d be happy. As long as I get to spend the night with you, I don’t care where we are.”

We headed up to our room and it was definitely okay. More than okay.

“Declan!” I called when I checked out the huge bathroom. He rushed in.

“What?”

“Look at the size of the tub!” One of the things I hated about my apartment was that there was no tub. Just a standing shower. I used to love soaking in the bath when I was younger. It was one of my few refuges from my critical mother.

He put his hand on his chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack. I thought something was wrong.”

“Sorry. Just got excited about the tub.”

His mood shifted and he walked toward me.

“Are you planning on using it?”

“Hell yes.”

“Do you think that perhaps I might join you? It looks big enough for two people.” It was definitely made for two people. Hell, you could fit at least four people in there. It was like a small swimming pool.

“I think that might be a possibility.” He put his hands around my waist and played with the hem of my shirt, starting to lift it.

“Well, I think I should get you a little dirty first before you get clean.”

Fuck. Yes.

Declan and I made our way back into the main bedroom, shedding clothes as we went. I hadn’t been naked with him in what felt like forever.

“God, I forgot how sexy your body is,” I said, running my hands up and down his pale chest.

“I didn’t forget about you. You’re always on my mind,” he said as he unsnapped my bra and threw it on the floor. “And I totally guessed you’d be wearing blue.” My bra and panties were nearly the exact color of his eyes. I’d gone shopping and picked them out specifically for that reason.

He stopped talking, his mouth busy kissing down my neck and making its way across my breasts. I hooked my fingers in his belt loops and pulled him closer, grinding my hips against the growing bulge in his pants.

I wanted all of him everywhere. Frantically, I tore at his pants.

“Eager, are we?”

“Shut up and take off your pants,” I said, backing up until my back hit the wall next to the bed. I wasn’t sure if I could even make it there. I wanted to take him like this. Right. NOW.

Declan shed his pants, but not before he fished a condom out of his back pocket. I loved the fact that he came prepared.

“Don’t you want me to satisfy you first?”

“Get. Inside. Me. Now,” I demanded, taking the condom from him and ripping it open.

“As my lady commands,” he said, rolling it on and then trying to take me to the bed. I pulled back against him and he understood what I wanted. Putting his hands under my thighs, he lifted me as I pressed my back against the wall to help him before he set me down, sliding into me in one smooth stroke.

“Oh, God,” I moaned as he filled me up.

“Not quite. Just me,” he said as he shifted his hips, and I shifted mine.

It wasn’t an easy position to hold, but Declan was strong and we used the wall to help us. He thrust inside me and I rolled my hips, stroking him as we both shuddered. My first orgasm was on me before I could even register it was happening.

Declan’s arms shook. I could tell if he came, he was probably going to drop me. So I undid my legs from around him and stood on my tiptoes. He thrust into me a few more times and came.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hold you up anymore,” he said, pulling out, but resting his head on my shoulder.

“It’s okay. I’m kind of a handful.” More than that. Two handfuls.

“And I love that about you.” I moved away from the wall and lay back on the bed as Declan went to clean himself up in the bathroom. That was probably the quickest sex I’d ever had.

“Done in already?” he asked when he came back to lie next to me.

“Not even close.” I straddled him and leaned down to kiss him. “How soon do you think you’ll be ready again?” We both looked down at his dick, which was no longer hard.

“Wake up,” he said to it and I moved my hips against him. “Yes, that’s definitely working. But in the meantime . . .” He rolled me to the side and then he was on top of me sliding down my body before grabbing my legs and pulling me to the edge of the bed.

I grabbed a pillow and propped my head up so I could watch him. Almost nothing turned me on as much as watching him go down on me, his stunning blond head between my legs.

Still rocked from my first climax, the second came as he worked my body with lips and tongue. The idea of him touching me so intimately was enough to set me off.

By the time he was ready again, he’d wrung another out of me, and I knew we were just getting started.

“I hope you brought a lot of condoms,” I said. “Because we’re going to need them.”

“Don’t worry, love. I’ve got us covered.” He whipped another out from his pants and slid it on. “We’re just. Getting. Started.”

I could only answer him with a moan as he entered me.

“Well. That was definitely dirty,” I said a while later as Declan collapsed on my back, sweat sticking our skin together.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for it.”

“Oh, I’m up. Way up.”

He patted my back and then slid to the side and I rolled over to face him.

“Stay here. I’ll draw the bath.” He got up and took care of himself and then I heard water running. I shut my eyes and was nearly asleep when he came back and beckoned me to join him in the spacious bathroom.

“Coming.” It took a moment to get myself up and across the floor. “Oh, Declan.” The bathroom was awash with candles and he had a glass of pink champagne waiting for me beside the bath.

“You like?”

“Who wouldn’t?” I swished my hand in the hot water, swirling the bubbles around. The water was the perfect temperature.

“Is it too hot?” he said, pouring a glass of champagne for himself. They must have put in the bathroom before we came up here. I wondered if he’d requested it. He must have.

“No, it’s perfect,” I said, sinking my foot into the water and then the rest of my body. “Get over here. This bath is too big for just me.” He grinned and I moved over to let him in. There was enough room for us to face each other with our legs stretched out. He used my legs to pull me toward him until I was sitting in his lap.

“This is nice. Really nice. Thank you.” I leaned forward and gave him a kiss.

“I thought you would need something relaxing since you’ve had such a hard week. Are you sure you’re doing all right?” His hands drifted up and down my arms in a lazy motion.

“I don’t know. I feel like I should have, like, moved through the grief stages. But I’m stuck in the same place I was before she died. Shock, maybe. I don’t know.” I scooped some of the bubbles into my hand and spread them across his chest.

“Maybe it only feels like you’re standing still and you’re moving. Like being on an airplane.” I didn’t want to talk about that, so I just kept covering him in bubbles.

“Drake always gives me a soap beard,” he said, scooping up some bubbles and dipping his chin in them. “How do I look?”

“Very sexy.”

He proceeded to give me a bubble beard, and then to pile them on my head. That led to a bubble fight as water sloshed over the edge of the tub.

“I feel sorry for housekeeping,” I said as I wiped some bubbles from the edge of the tub and blinked them out of my eyes.

“I’ll tip them well.” He reached for his champagne and I reached for mine. We clinked them together and sipped.

“You’re lovely, Blair.”

“Even with the bubbles?” I wiped some off my cheek.

“Especially with the bubbles.” We finished off our glasses of champagne and Declan poured more. I was going to sleep so well tonight.

I turned around and rested on his chest, leaning back and closing my eyes.

“I love being with you,” I said, the words sliding out of my mouth. The sex and the alcohol had loosened my tongue. The bubbles had started to dissolve, but the water stayed the same temperature. The tub must have a heater. Such luxury.

“I love your hair. And your skin,” he said.

“I love your eyes.” I didn’t know how far we were going to take this. He shifted under me.

“I love your tits. And your arse.” He pinched the latter and I yelped.

“I love that you love my tits and ass.” I flipped around and put some more champagne in my glass. “You know, I grew them myself. They’re all organic.”

He chuckled and held out his glass. I poured the last of the champagne in. We needed another bottle.

“My compliments.” He tipped the glass toward me and then drank.

I must have fallen asleep in the tub because the next thing I knew, I was waking up in a huge bed and wrapped in a soft and fluffy robe. Declan was next to me, completely naked and his hair falling all over his forehead. I wanted to move it, but I didn’t want to wake him. I got up slowly, sliding out of bed, my feet hitting a warm plush rug on the floor. I hadn’t really looked at the room when we’d come back last night. Damn, this place was swanky with a side of elegance.

I peered out the window and looked down into a courtyard complete with a fountain.

“Good morning,” a voice said and I turned around to find Declan blinking at me.

“Hey. Sorry, did I wake you? I tried to be stealthy.” He rubbed his eyes and got up, not even bothering to put anything on. His comfort in his nakedness was just one of the many sexy qualities he had in spades.

“No, I woke up when you weren’t beside me.” He kissed my cheek and put his arms around me. “Ah, I could hold you like this forever.”

I’d probably let him.

“This was like heaven. I didn’t know how stressed out I was until I was with you. This feels like freedom.” I could be exactly who I was with Declan. And he liked me all the more for it.

“I know how you feel.” He planted a kiss on my forehead and then tried to run his hand through my hair. Tried, being the key word.

“You fell asleep and I didn’t want to wake you up, so I just put you in bed, and well . . .” He shrugged one shoulder. I put my hand up to feel my hair.

“Oh God.” I dashed to the bathroom and looked at my hair in the mirror. It was an unequivocal disaster. Half if it was matted to the side of my head and the other half was frizzed out. Two words could describe this look and they were hot and mess.

“You couldn’t have brushed it a little?” I said as I tried to fix what the night had done.

“I think it looks nice. I’ve seen models in magazines selling perfume with exactly that look.” I gave him a glare. There was nothing for my hair but to dip my head in the sink, wet it and blow-dry it.

“Shall I order us some breakfast to make up for it?” He raised one eyebrow, knowing what my response would be.

“Nice save. Yes, I’d love breakfast,” I said. He winked and left me on my own to deal with my hair.

We both put on robes when the room service arrived, but whipped them off as soon as the waiter left. There was nothing like eating breakfast naked in bed after a night of intense sex and a perfect bubble bath.

Declan was always staring at my tattoos. He never seemed to get tired of looking at them.

“Thinking about getting some ink?” I asked. Just picturing his light skin with some tats on it, especially in black ink made me want to take him immediately to Serenity and then back to the hotel so I could stare at him naked and then fuck his brains out.

“Perhaps. What should I get?”

I shook my head and speared a piece of mango on my fork.

“No way. Tattoos are a completely personal thing. No one should ever tell you what you should get. It has to come from you.”

He thought about that for a moment.

“I’ve considered getting Drake’s name. But then I wondered if I had other children, I’d have to add their names and I wouldn’t want them to feel left out.” He did have a good point.

“True. I knew a girl who would get the name of any guy she dated, then when they’d break up and she’d get the name crossed out and get the next guy’s name. It got so crazy, but she told me that at least she had a reminder of her bad decisions and a reminder not to look back.”

“A little black book inked on your body. Interesting. I’m not sure that’s for me.” He sipped the last of his orange juice. “Do you have to be anywhere?”

I should probably return the albums to Gran’s and check in on my parents. But I wanted to stay in this bubble of perfection a little longer.

“Not right now. Why, do you?” He shook his head slowly.

“Not particularly.”

“Then we can stay like this for a little while?” I asked.

“If that’s what you want.” I leaned forward and pulled his face to mine.

“Yes. It’s what I want.”

He was what I wanted.

We stayed naked for a while, and we took our time, kissing slowly before he entered me, thrusting long and deep as we lay sideways. I was a little sore from the night before, but I ignored it because he felt so damn good.

“I love the way you feel,” he said in my ear as he pushed into me.

I moaned as he hit the right spot and then again as he reached his hand around me and started playing with my nipples. It didn’t seem possible that I had another orgasm in me, but I did. It took him a long time to join me, but he did, gripping my shoulder and groaning in my ear.

“If we keep this up, I’ll never have to go to the gym. Being with you is a workout.” My hips were also a little sore from some of the positions we’d tried. We’d gotten comfortable enough with each other to experiment and both of us had been pleasantly surprised at how accommodating the other had been. He and I both had a wild sex side, and I was more than happy to explore with him.

“It’s been a while for me. I apologize, I shouldn’t have said that. You don’t need to hear about my sad sexual history,” he said. Actually, I was kind of curious. Who wouldn’t be?

“No, it’s fine. Mine is nothing to write home about. How about this? How old were you when you lost your virginity? You don’t have to give me names.”

“You first,” he said, pulling out and then discarding the condom.

“I asked you first and the question was my idea. So you have to answer first. Those are the rules.” He got back into bed with me.

“And who made those rules?”

“Me. So tell me.”

He sighed.

“Sixteen.” That was almost exactly what I’d guessed. “And you?”

“Fifteen. It was during my emo phase. I think the only reason I did it was so my parents would catch me. Thinking back, I could have just made them think I was having sex without actually doing it. But I was fifteen and stupid. I wonder what ever happened to him.” He was probably completely different now from the skinny musician he’d been when I’d dated him. I should look him up online just to find out.

“Can I ask a question now?” he said.

“Sure.”

“Where is the most unusual place you’ve had sex?”

That was a question I could answer right away.

“That happened when I was sixteen. Coldplay concert. Different guy.” It had sounded badass at the time. I’d bragged to all my friends. It had also involved sneaking out of my house, but my parents had never found out about that one. My fear of their wrath was too great to test, so I’d been stealthy.

“You mean at the concert? Didn’t people see you?”

I laughed.

“I wore a skirt and no underwear. He just came up behind me and did it while everyone was dancing. I’m not saying it was the greatest sex of my life, but it happened. Actually, it was pretty bad, to be honest. He didn’t use anything so I had to clean myself up in the bathroom. No fun.” I shuddered at the memory.

“I can imagine it wouldn’t be.”

“Okay, your turn,” I said, reminding him.

He answered right away.

“The opera. In the bathroom.”

“Shut up.” His was so much classier than mine.

“No, it’s true. My father would be very displeased if he knew about that one. So I don’t tell him.” I winked.

“Your secret is safe from me. What opera was it?”

He thought about that for a moment.

“La Boheme. Why?”

“No reason. Just curious.”

We moved away from the talk of sex to embarrassing moments and then to random topics. We had so much to say, neither of us could talk fast enough. He was also so funny and self-deprecating it had me in stiches.

We talked for so long we got hungry again.

“Would it be a crazy idea to order lunch right now?” he said and I planted a kiss smack on his lips.

“I love that you think about food as much as I do.” He didn’t look it, but he had a male metabolism.

We got out the menu and then he called in the order.

“Be right back,” he said, heading to the bathroom.

“I’ll keep your spot warm,” I said, rolling to where he’d been lying. After he closed the door, I turned on the television to see if there were any good movies on. Thankfully the hotel had a classic movie channel and Gone with the Wind was just starting. I couldn’t have planned it any better. I just hoped he’d want to watch it with me. This movie was a huge time commitment.

“Gone with the Wind?” he said as he walked back into the bedroom.

“Yup. Have you seen it?” I rolled back to my spot, making room for him as he climbed under the sheets.

“Of course. Who hasn’t?”

“Lots of people. Do you mind if we watch it?”

“Not at all. It’s a damn good film. As the saying goes, they don’t make them like this anymore.” No, they didn’t. I snuggled into Declan as the music built and then the movie opened on Tara.

“My Gran hated this movie. She said it made southerners look bad,” I said as Scarlett flirted with the Tarleton twins. “I didn’t even bother telling her a lot of southerners did that all on their own.”

“I’d say movies do the same to British people, but the portrayal of us as chronically polite tea drinkers is fairly accurate. Not across the board, of course. But there is something about a cup of tea.”

“Yeah, but coffee,” I said with a dreamy sigh.

“Have we found something we disagree on?”

I sat up and looked at him.

“I think so. Well, I guess this is over. I can never be with someone who likes tea over coffee.” I turned my back to him and pretended to cry.

“No. That will not stand. I won’t let a hot beverage come between us,” he said, pulling me back around and then getting on top of me, pinning me to the bed.

“Then convince me tea is better than coffee.” He circled his hips, stroking me.

“I have a few ways to convince you.”

“Oh yeah? I think you need to show me, not tell me.” He growled at me and pinned my wrists above my head.

And of course there was a knock at the door with our room service.

Declan looked down, and he was definitely in a compromised position.

“If you want to let me up, I can put on my robe and get that.”

He moved off me and I donned my robe and let the waiter in. He wheeled the tray into the room and offered to take the other one without batting an eyelash at shirtless Declan. He’d probably seen a whole lot worse and a whole lot more naked.

“This is one of life’s greatest decisions. Food or sex?” I said after the waiter had left.

“Well, some people have both at the same time.” I made a face.

“Ew. I’m adventurous when it comes to sex, but I’m not that adventurous. If we don’t eat it now, then it will get cold and then it won’t be as satisfying.” I uncovered my French onion soup and cobb salad.

“Food first,” Declan agreed, going for his shrimp skewers and Caesar salad. We ate and watched Scarlett O’Hara go to the ball at Twelve Oaks and fight with Rhett Butler and moon over Ashley Wilkes.

“I never quite understood what it was that she saw in Ashley,” Declan said.

“Me neither. He was a whiny bastard. And he emotionally cheated on his wife. I mean, she was literally a saint and he still kissed Scarlett. Dick move.”

But that was the point, I guessed. That Scarlett had been in love with someone she could never have, and the one person who loved her, she didn’t realize she wanted until it was too late. Such was life.

“So am I an Ashley? Or a Rhett?” Declan said.

“Like you even have to ask. You have rogue written all over you.” He had heartbreaker written on him too, but I didn’t say that.

“But I don’t have any facial hair. Isn’t that a requirement?” I rubbed his chin. He barely had any stubble. Like the hair on his face didn’t grow or something.

“No, you can be a rogue without facial hair. Definitely.”

We finished our lunch and watched the rest of the movie.

“I should probably get home to Drake,” he said, glancing at the clock.

“You should. But first,” I said, climbing over him and moving down so my head was level with his waist. “I’m going to give you something to take home with you. Something to think of when you’re not with me.” I kissed his navel and then moved lower.

“I couldn’t forget you if I wanted to. Never. Ever.” The last word ended in a moan as my lips closed over him. Oh, I’d make sure he wouldn’t.

“Ugh, you’re all smug cuz you got laid,” Raine said when I walked into the apartment. My hair was still funky, so I’d slicked it back into a bun.

“Or maybe it was because I had an amazing meal last night. Have you ever had duck?” She made a face at me.

“Duck? Where the hell did he take you?”

“Fancy hotel. Hey, I didn’t ask him to.” She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You know I’m just giving you a hard time because I like to give you a hard time. Was it nice to get away for a little while?”

“Yes,” I said, lying on the couch. I missed Declan already and he’d only just driven away. “It was nice.”

I gave Raine a rundown of what we’d been up to and she listened in rapt attention.

“Damn. Does he have any cousins? Youngish male relatives?”

“Why? So you can seduce them?”

Her eyes narrowed.

“Are you saying I couldn’t?” No, I knew she definitely could, when she turned it on.

“You know I’m not. Anyway, he doesn’t. That I know of. In fact, you probably know more than I do.” I still hadn’t told Declan about the dossier, and under the circumstances, it seemed minor in comparison to everything else.

She snapped her fingers and jumped up.

“That’s because I only looked for immediate relatives. I didn’t widen my scope.” Her fingers flew across her laptop and I bounced to my feet.

“Raine, you have got to stop thinking it’s okay to look this stuff up. Declan is off limits. Understand?” She pouted, but stopped typing.

“I wasn’t going to pry. God, you’re so paranoid.”

“Can you blame me?”

“I guess not.”

I went back to the couch. “Exactly.”

Monday found me back at the new temporary library space. Over the weekend it had transformed. Granted, the floor was covered in cheap carpet, and the shelves were creaky and metal, but there were books. Books everywhere. And someone had donated art and posters for the walls. There was a new reading nook with beanbags and a child-sized table with plastic chairs.

“Well, it’s good enough for now,” Madeline said, walking around and surveying everything. “We had a lot more volunteers show up than we anticipated and you should see the second floor.” She led me up and showed me the boxes of donated books they hadn’t had time to put out yet.

“I don’t think we can set up here, even though there’s an elevator. If we do that then we won’t have any storage, or any break room or offices. It’s a sacrifice, but I think it’s the best decision. What do you think?” She was right, as always. Madeline never made a half-assed decision. Ever. Her mind was always at work, thinking of potential scenarios and problems.

“I think you’re right. The lighting isn’t that great up here either and there are only a few windows.” Honestly, the place was gloomy. Not as nice as the downstairs with the windows that faced the street and out the back.

“Good. Good.” We went back downstairs and she started inspecting everything again.

“Where’s everyone else?” I asked. Madeline and I were the only ones here. The space felt empty without the other employees and definitely without patrons in it.

“Oh, they’re not coming in until this afternoon. We’re having a staff meeting. The volunteers are coming too. We’re going to have to make some hard decisions.” That didn’t sound good. Not good at all.

“Can I ask what kind of decisions we’re talking here?” I could assume, but I wanted to know for sure.

She blew out a breath. “Staffing cuts, for now. There just isn’t enough space or enough work for everyone. And the insurance company is totally dragging its feet on getting the claim started and processed so we can get paid and begin looking at repairs. Real pain in the derriere.” Madeline never swore. In fact, that was the closest I’d ever heard her get to cursing.

“Anyway, you don’t have to worry about any of that. But I’m only going to need one children’s librarian right now, since the area is so small. We’re still going to do story hour, but it’s definitely going to be a smaller group.” I could sense where this was headed and I didn’t like it, but I cut her off before she could say it.

“It’s okay. I know Sabrina has been working here longer than I have. I’ve got other things to do with my time,” I said.

Madeline breathed a sigh of relief that I’d caught on so quickly.

“It’s nothing personal and you’ll still get paid the amount you’ve been getting. At least we don’t have to worry about that.” Seriously. I couldn’t imagine if we weren’t getting paid. Not that I didn’t have writing and now that money from Gran to fall back on. Ugh. I got a sick feeling in my stomach every time I thought about that money. I wished she’d never left it to me. The jewelry was different. That I could hold in my hand and it would make me think of her. I had good memories associated with it. Money? Not so much.

“I can still come and do story hour if you need me to. Or if Sabrina can’t do a day for whatever reason. I know this hasn’t been easy for you. I’m not mad. It is what it is,” I said and Madeline gave me a hug.

“It’s been a rough few weeks. But we’ll get there in the end. I wish Time Turners were real and we could just move forward to when this is all finished.” Me too.

I gave her another hug and she asked if I wanted to get an early lunch. I agreed and we walked down the street to the sandwich shop.

“How’s everything going with you? Other than the fire, obviously,” I said as we ate. She told me about her youngest son, who was in high school and up to normal youthful shenanigans.

“His latest thing is that he wants a tattoo. I told him that no tattoo artist is going to touch a sixteen-year-old, but he’s determined. So I agreed to take him when he turns eighteen, God help me.” I smiled at the conversation topic.

“Maybe if my mother had done that I wouldn’t have so much ink,” I said, glancing down at my arms. “Or maybe not. I think I only did my first one to piss her off. The rest were for me.”

“And yours are beautiful and meaningful. I’m just petrified he’s going to get some sports team logo on his back.” We both shuddered at the thought.

“Well, if you want me to give him a tattoo-talking-to,” we both laughed at my bad pun, “I’d be more than happy,” I said.

“Oh, that is so sweet of you. I might have to take you up on that.” We finished our lunch and she gave me another hug. I missed her and I missed everyone else from the library. I’d gone from seeing dozens of people every day to mostly only seeing Raine and food delivery people. And Declan. Oh, Declan.

“One thing I have to ask before you go. I’m not one to believe gossip, but I’ve heard that you’ve been seeing that British fellow with the little boy. Any truth to those rumors?” Of course she’d heard about it. Sabrina had been blabbing it everywhere. Not that I minded that much, and I hadn’t told her not to share it with anyone.

“Yes. I am seeing him.”

Madeline raised a knowing eyebrow.

“You know, your voice changed when you said that. Got all soft and dreamy. You must really like him.” My voice had not changed. Had it? I’d have to ask Raine about that when I got back. No one had ever mentioned it to me before.

“Oh. Well. Yes. I like him very much.”

Madeline just nodded and said that she’d see me soon.

“Oh, and thank you for being so understanding. I really appreciate it.” She waved as she walked to her car.

“Question,” I said when I walked in the front door after having lunch with Madeline, “does my voice change when I talk about Declan?” Raine looked up from her laptop, her eyes unfocused.

“Wait, what? Can you repeat that? Sorry, I was just reading this email from Hugh. Our edit letter came back.” Shit, that was much more important than whether my voice changed when I talked about Declan.

I rushed over to her.

“And you’re reading it without me?”

“Calm your tits, I just opened it up to see what it was. I haven’t even read the first line. Besides, the letter is in a Word doc and it’s attached. See? Haven’t opened it yet.” She was telling the truth, but I ignored her as I skimmed the words from Hugh. It was quick and dirty. The publishers loved the concept, but there were some changes they wanted to make to the plot. There always were, but the amount of changes and how extensive they were would determine how much Raine and I would freak out and to what level. Extensive rewrites would probably send us into tears for a little while.

“Crap. It doesn’t sound good,” I said.

“We won’t know until we open it,” Raine said, looking over her shoulder at me. “Want me to do it?” She held out her hand and I held it as she clicked on the document and opened it.

“Oh dear jeebus fuck,” Raine said and I had no words. Ten pages. Ten. Fucking. Pages. Of. Edits. And these were just preliminary. We still had galley copies to go through and then copy edits. This was just the beginning.

I jumped as Raine slammed the laptop shut.

“No. We can’t do this without booze.” She dashed to the cabinet where we kept our alcohol and pulled out a bottle of scotch I didn’t even know was in there.

“I’ve been hiding this in the back for an emergency. I think this qualifies.” She unscrewed the top and poured us both shots. “Down the hatch.” I took mine and we both threw them back and slammed our empty glasses on the counter.

Sure, it was barely noon and we were drinking, but we were writers. It was part of the job. Writers and booze were like cops and donuts.

I belatedly coughed from the effect of the alcohol and Raine’s eyes watered. We didn’t drink hard stuff very much.

“Okay, now we can look,” she said, but brought the bottle and the empty shot glasses with us.

I pulled my office chair around and we sat and skimmed the letter. It was pretty bad. Our heroine wasn’t likable, our hero had stalker tendencies, and we’d taken some of the sex scenes too far. There were also a few little inconsistencies (as were to be expected in a first draft), but they pretty much tore us apart. It. Was. Awful.

“Shot time,” Raine said when we finally got to the end.

We each took another shot and Raine shut the laptop so we didn’t have to see it any more.

“They hate it,” she said, and I could tell she was holding tears back. Sure, we’d done this before, but edit letters like this never got easier. We worked so hard and it was like all they could see were flaws and problems and things to fix. Plus, the time it was going to take to fix those problems? I didn’t even want to think about it.

They’d given us a deadline of two weeks for a corrected draft. That was actually one of the longest we’d gotten. Once, it had been less than a week.

“You should tell them about your grandmother. Might buy us some more time. There’s no way we can tear this thing apart in two weeks. And you shouldn’t have to deal with this shit right now,” Raine said, flopping back on the couch and closing her eyes.

“I don’t want to use that as an excuse. There are people who have major health problems who still meet deadlines. I’m not going to be working at the library for a while because they don’t need me, so with both of us full-time? We can do it. And don’t worry about me. I need something to help me stay busy.” Sitting around and wallowing about Gran wasn’t going to do anyone any good. I had this fear that if I did sit around and think about her, and how I was never going to see her again, the tears would come, and then I’d never be able to stop them. I’d told Declan I didn’t think I was going through the levels of grief, but the truth was, I didn’t want to. I couldn’t handle it.

“Are you absolutely sure?” Raine asked.

I nodded.

“Yeah, I’m sure. So, do you want to start now? Or leave it until tomorrow?”

She groaned and got up.

“We only have two weeks. We should start now, but I’m probably going to need another shot.” They said you were supposed to write drunk and edit sober, but sometimes we liked to reverse that.

We each took another shot and then printed out two copies of the edit letter, going over it together, line by line. I pulled out our giant board and started making notes on how we could fix what they wanted us to fix.

It was an exhaustive process and by the time we got through four pages of the letter and I’d filled the board with notes, it was past dinnertime.

“I think we should call it a night. I seriously need to eat something,” I said, patting my groaning stomach.

“Ditto. At least we have a start. We should get up early tomorrow and get the rest of it finished and then we can start writing. Shit, this is going to be so much work. Is it bad for me to hate writing right now?”

“Nope. I hate it right now too,” I said, capping my marker and dropping it on the coffee table.

Raine called for takeout and I realized I’d left my phone in my purse and went to fish it out and see if I had any missed messages. Yup. There were a few.

“Shit. I forgot about my phone.” I scrolled through. The messages were from Madeline and Declan. I read Madeline’s first. Just business stuff about the library. Then I got to Declan’s.

I have something to ask you.

My heart fluttered. He’d sent the message just a half-hour ago.

Go ahead. I’ll probably say yes.

I waited for his response.

Even without knowing what it is? You’re brave.

That made me laugh.

No, I just have a hard time saying no to you.

God, wasn’t that the truth?

I would love to see you, but I feel like I’m neglecting Drake. Would you like to come over and have dinner with us tomorrow?

Fuck and yes were the only answers to that question.

I would love to.

I responded before I realized that Raine and I should be writing. Shit. I was already going to miss time on Sunday for the funeral.

“How much do you love me?” I asked Raine as she put the scotch away and rinsed out the shot glasses.

“Depends. What do you want?”

“I really shouldn’t ask. It’s not fair to you,” I said, backpedalling.

She propped on of her hands on her hip. “Shut up and ask.”

“Declan wants to have dinner with me tomorrow at his house with Drake. It’s the first time I’ve been invited over and I really want to go.” I wasn’t going to pout and jump up and down to show her just how much, but I wanted to.

“Go for it. I’m not going to keep you from your hot British man meat.”

“That’s really gross in the context of what we’re going to be doing,” I said, making a face.

“Seriously, though, I’m not going to stop you from having a good time. What kind of horrible friend would I be? Then you’d just be mopey and a pain to deal with. So go. One of us deserves to have a nice night with a cute boy.” I gave her a hug.

“You are the bestest of best friends,” I said.

“I know.” I rolled my eyes and she grinned at me. “Food should be here soon.”

Despite saying we were going to take a break, we continued to talk about ways we could change the story to fix it. There was another saying that writers were either writing, or thinking about writing. We were always thinking and talking about it. Like a faucet you couldn’t turn off. The thoughts flowed constantly.

By the time we went to bed, we’d solved a few more of our problems and I’d written more on the board. But we still had a mountain of work ahead. It made my wrists ache and my eyes burn just thinking about it.

“You didn’t have to bring me a book this time,” I said when Declan showed up with The Scarlet Pimpernel.

“I like doing it. And you seem to like it as well.” He gave me a long slow kiss and didn’t pull back until Raine cleared her throat. She had her writer’s attire on and Declan blinked for a second at it.

“We’ve been working all day. I looked just like that about an hour ago,” I said as Raine struck a model pose.

“This is what a working writer looks like. Well, usually without the pants,” she said, pointing to the yoga pants she had on. “We’re not big fans of pants.”

“Neither am I. They always seem to get in the way,” Declan said with a serious face.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Raine said, giving him an approving nod before going back to her laptop.

“Ready?” I said and he escorted me out. I’d dressed somewhat casual, since we’d be staying in.

“Is Drake okay with me joining you?” I asked.

“I think that’s an understatement. The moment I told him you were joining us he got so excited I thought his little brain would burst. I hope you’re prepared for what’s coming.” I’d been around Drake plenty of times. I was sure I could handle it. Or try to.

“Can I ask you something personal?” I said as we got in the car.

“Go ahead.” I sensed his hesitance, but forged ahead.

“Does Drake miss his mom?” It was a question I’d been wanting to ask since I found out Declan was raising him alone. As a person who’d been raised by two parents (and a few nannies here and there as well), I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have two parents and then have one just disappear from your life. Drake was still young, but he must feel the absence.

“He talks about her sometimes. He used to ask to see her and threw tantrums when she didn’t appear. I hated explaining that she was away and I didn’t know when he’d get to see her. That made me angrier than her leaving me. Her leaving her son.”

“That’s so sad,” I said. Declan shook his head, as if trying to shake off the past.

“I still think about her sometimes and what could have been. Not that I believe there is one perfect person for everyone, but still.”

“I’m sorry for bringing it up. He seems like he’s adjusted well. You’ve done a really good job with him on your own. I know a lot of men who wouldn’t have been able to do it. You’re like Superdad.” He was.

He chuckled. “Thank you for the compliment, but you’ve only seen me at my best. There have been plenty of times when I wished I could just head to the airport and get a one-way ticket back to England. I’d get a cottage by the sea and sit in my garden and read novels and drink tea the way it’s supposed to be made. But I’d miss the little bugger too much.” Clearly.

“I love how much you love your son,” I said, putting my hand on top of his where he rested it on the shifter.

“And I love that you love it.”

Nope. I was not prepared for what I walked into when Declan opened the front door.

“Hi, Blair!” Drake said before he rushed forward and slammed against my legs, throwing both arms around them. For a toddler, he was strong.

“Hi, Drake. I missed you,” I said, leaning down and removing his hands from around my legs. “How are you?”

He was dressed like his daddy, but they actually matched this time with slate gray pants, vests and dark purple ties. It made my heart pitter patter just looking at the pair of them.

“I’m well,” he said, enunciating the last word. “Daddy taught me that. You don’t say good. You say well.” I bit back a laugh and nodded.

“That is correct. Your daddy is very smart.” And sexy.

“I made you something, come see!” He grabbed my hand and started dragging me through the house. We passed a scowling Ada. Yeah, I hadn’t missed her. Not one bit. God, I hoped she wasn’t staying for dinner.

Drake presented me with a picture. It was one of those where you couldn’t tell immediately what it was supposed to be. I knew better than to ask.

“That is so pretty, Drake. I love it.” Upon further inspection, the picture appeared to be of . . . me? And those might be bookshelves? I looked to Declan for help.

“What a pretty picture of Blair at the library.” Score. I’d been right. “There you are and there’s Drake and there’s me,” he said, pointing out some of the blobs with eyes. Sure, it was no Renoir, but once he pointed everything out it made a lot more sense.

“I am going to put this up on the fridge at my house,” I said, tucking the picture into my purse.

“You will?” Drake’s eyes got huge at the prospect of his artwork being displayed.

“Absolutely.” He started chattering about something else, and I leaned down to listen, but saw Declan talking to Ada in a low voice. Huh. It was probably nothing. I turned my attention back to Drake.

“Do you like cheese?” This question had come out of nowhere.

“I do. Do you like cheese?”

“Not stinky cheese,” he said with a giggle, plugging his nose. “Daddy likes stinky cheese,” he sang, hopping around.

“He just calls it stinky. It’s actually just brie,” Declan said as Drake danced around.

“I’m sure,” I said. “Would you excuse me for a second? I just need to use the restroom.” He pointed me down the hall and I headed to the bathroom. My stupid period was due to arrive and I was pretty sure it just had. Perfect timing.

I took care of myself, but I wasn’t prepared to walk out of the bathroom and straight into Ada.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” she said. Whoa. Slow your roll, girlfriend. I wasn’t going to fight with this woman. If I didn’t rise to the bait, then there was nothing she could do.

“I’m having dinner with Declan and Drake. That’s all.” I tried to push past her, but I guess she worked out, because she stopped me. I had a good fifteen or twenty pounds on her (maybe more), but she wasn’t letting me go without giving me some speech she’d probably practiced for a while.

“No. I see what you’re doing. You think you can have him. Well. You can’t. He’s mine.” Oh what the fuck? Really? Was this actually happening?

“Okay, well, I didn’t see a label on him,” I said, regretting it a second later.

“You stay away from him,” she said, her eyes narrowing.

“Um, that’s kind of hard to do. And this is ridiculous. I have no beef with you, I’m not trying to steal your man or any of that bullshit. This isn’t a reality show. I’m done.” I tried to get by her again, but she stood in my way. I didn’t go off on people very often, but if this girl wasn’t careful, it was going to get ugly. I didn’t let people walk all over me.

“He’s mine. You might have slept with him, but he slept with me first. And he loves me.” And that was the last straw.

“Good luck with that, sweetheart,” I said with a sweet smile and finally walked around her and followed the sounds of Drake and Declan to the kitchen. Drake was standing on a chair and Declan was handing him pasta to toss in a big pot. They both had aprons on and everything.

“Where have you been? I thought you’d gotten lost,” Declan said. I gave him a smile.

“Nope. Just admiring the view.” He turned and I read the apron. “Should I do what the apron says?”

Declan looked down and then grinned at me.

“It says ‘Kiss the chef’ so I think you should follow directions.” I walked over and gave him a kiss. I was a little wary about doing it in front of Drake, so I kept it quick.

He looked up and furrowed his little brow.

“Me too!” He held his arms up and I read the identical words printed on his apron. I leaned down and he smacked a kiss on my lips and then giggled.

“Little charmer,” Declan said, stroking his hair. “Now remember what we said about kissing?”

“Always ask the person you want to kiss. And only if Daddy says okay,” he recited.

“Good rules. How are those going to work out when he’s sixteen? Does he have to ask Daddy then?” I said to Declan.

“Yes, if I have anything to say about it. Oh, Ada. I didn’t know you were still here,” Declan said, noticing Ada standing in the doorway.

“I just lost one of my earrings, but I found it. Do you have everything you need?” This girl was cruising for a bruising, but letting her see that I was upset with her would only fuel her fire. I just looked down at the pot and tried to keep Drake’s little hands from reaching for anything that might burn him.

“No, I think we’re set for tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gave her a quick smile and then turned his attention back toward the dinner. Ada looked like she wanted to say something else, but she just glared at me and stomped out.

“Daddy, I stir!” Drake said as Declan swirled the pasta around in the water so it wouldn’t stick. I thought about saying something about Ada, but I kept my mouth shut. If I said something about it, that meant it bothered me. And it didn’t. Declan had told me, point blank, that he and Ada had never done anything and I believed him. Either she was delusional, or she thought I’d believe her. Or both.

She was full of shit. She had to be.

When cooking with a three-year-old, things were bound to go wrong. Even with two of us watching him, Drake still managed to create chaos. His little hands were everywhere at once.

“Why didn’t you just order in?” I asked as Declan stopped Drake from smearing spaghetti sauce all over his pants.

“I considered it, but I thought a home-cooked meal would be nicer. Plus, Drake wanted to help. And by help, I mean gum up the works. Drake, stop that.” Drake grinned up at Declan. He was definitely pushing Daddy’s buttons. I wanted to laugh, but that would only have egged Drake on.

By the time we sat down, the pasta was almost cold.

“Daddy, cut for me,” Drake said, pointing at his pasta. Declan cut the spaghetti up and then handed the fork back to Drake.

Somehow, I’d managed to keep my clothes sauce-free, but I didn’t think that was going to last. And it probably wouldn’t be Drake who would get sauce on me. No, I was capable of doing that all on my own.

“This is nice. Even with the setbacks,” I said, using my spoon to swirl spaghetti onto my fork.

“I got ice cream bars for dessert. Figured that wouldn’t require much preparation,” Declan said, helping Drake with his napkin.

“So, Drake, tell me three things that you did today,” Declan said. I had the feeling they did this every night at the dinner table. I didn’t know parents actually did stuff like that. Mine never had.

“I played in the sandbox, I eated my lunch and I peed in the potty.” I choked on my spaghetti when he said the third thing.

Declan almost laughed as well, but he kept a straight face.

“That’s very good, Drake. Thank you for sharing.”

“Now you share, Daddy!” Declan said, flinging spaghetti on the floor.

“I got it,” I said, grabbing a napkin and going to wipe it up.

“Let’s see. I went to my classes and signed a new client and then I helped you make dinner for Blair.” Drake clapped.

“Now you, Blair!” Drake seemed to be really into this. You’d think we were giving him candy.

“Okay. I wrote with my friend Raine, I took a shower and I put eyeliner on.” The last thing had been the most difficult. I was experimenting with doing a subtle cat eye and it hadn’t been easy.

“What’s eyeliner?” Drake said. I got up from my chair and crouched down so he could see my eyes.

“Do you see the black lines near my eyelashes? That’s eyeliner. It’s like a crayon you use on your eyes to make them look pretty.” I blinked a few times and he stared at my eyes. He seemed perplexed.

“Don’t Blair’s eyes look pretty?” Declan prompted.

“Pretty eyes. I have pretty eyes?”

“Oh, well. Mostly just girls put it on.”

“Why?” Oh God, he’d gotten to the Why stage. Good times. Declan had lots of fun ahead for him.

“Some boys put it on, but not until you’re grown up. Then we can talk about it,” Declan said. I wanted to give him a high five for not telling his son that makeup was just for girls and boys didn’t wear it.

“Okay,” Drake said and went back to his spaghetti.

“I’m trying not to be too gender-heavy with him,” Declan said. “But it’s a challenge when the toys are so gendered at the store.” Yeah, tell me about it. Books were just as bad. I had mothers tell me that their boys wouldn’t read “girl books” and to show them some books about trucks and firemen and other BS like that.

Drake amused himself by singing and playing with his food and Declan and I actually got to talk.

“The funeral is on Sunday. I wish I could bail and not go. I haven’t been to a funeral in years, but from what I remember, it wasn’t fun. The funeral isn’t really for the dead person. It’s for everyone else. And don’t even get me started on the fact that Gran wanted to be cremated and now everyone is throwing a fit about it.” My grandfather had also been cremated, but Gran’s family already had a plot reserved for her and now she wasn’t going to be using it. Dying was complicated.

“I could come with you. Keep you company. Hold your hand.” Declan said and I looked at him like he’d lost his damn mind.

“You want to be my date to Gran’s funeral? You want to meet my parents and my entire family. At a funeral.” Now he definitely had lost his mind.

“I want to be there for you. If you need me there, I’ll be there.” Yes, I did need him there. Raine was going with me, but it would be nice to have at least one more person in my corner.

“For real?” I asked.

“Yes. For real.” Now that made me want to cry. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. This was what made me cry? God, I needed to sort out my priorities.

“That would be . . . That would be wonderful. If you’re sure.” He nodded as Drake yelled that he’d finished his plate.

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

Things got a little more interesting after we’d eaten ice cream bars and Declan tried to put Drake to bed.

“But I’s not tired!” he yelled, running around.

“I knew I shouldn’t have given him sugar this close to bedtime,” Declan said with a sigh.

“You know, I read somewhere that sugar thing is a myth. But, um, yeah.” Drake was bouncing off the walls. That article might have been full of it.

“Okay, Drake, time for bed. Do you want me to read you a story?” Declan said. Drake slowed down and skidded to a stop in front of us. We’d been sitting in the living room and he’d been doing laps.

“No, Blair!” How did I know?

“Do you mind?” Declan said.

“Not at all,” I said, getting up and taking Drake’s hand. “Actually, I might have prepared for this.” I got my purse and pulled out three books I’d managed to buy before Declan picked me up tonight. He was always getting me books, so I thought I’d return the favor for Drake.

“Books!” Drake shrieked. “Books, books, books,” he sang.

“Say thank you to Blair,” Declan said, and Drake did.

“You’re very welcome. Which one do you want to read?” He held up the first book, Where the Wild Things Are. How coincidental.

I laughed and Drake bounced to his room. Declan got him dressed in his pajamas and I sat in the chair next to his bed and he climbed in.

I read the book, and Drake watched in rapt attention before he asked me to read it again, and then moved on to the second book, which I read twice, and then the third book.

“He’s crashing,” Declan whispered in my ear halfway through reading the third book for the first time. Oh, I saw. Drake was trying to keep his eyes open, but it wasn’t working. Sleep was too powerful. By the time I finished the book, he was out. Declan and I backed out of the room and shut the door.

“I feel like we should celebrate,” Declan said. “He’s been giving me a hard time about getting to bed lately, but that wasn’t bad at all.”

“Got any wine?” I asked.

“I think I might need something a little stronger.”

We went back to the kitchen and Declan made us both vodka tonics.

“I should probably just have one,” I said. “Raine and I did shots when we got our edits back yesterday and I think I’m still feeling them.”

He sat on the couch and I sat down next to him, curling my feet under me. His arm went around my shoulders and I snuggled into him.

“This,” he said.

“What?”

“I love this.”

“Me too.”

I sipped my drink and we sat in the silent house, just enjoying being with one another.

“Did Ada accost you?” I sat up and looked at him.

“What?”

“Did Ada accost you when you went to the bathroom? I didn’t realize that was what happened until she left.” I could tell this had been bothering him for a while, but he didn’t want to talk about it in front of Drake.

I sighed. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I didn’t want to make it into a big thing.

“She just said some things. I ignored her. That was it.”

“What did she say?” I sipped at my drink.

“Do you really want to know?” He set his drink down on the coffee table.

“Yes. She’s my employee and if she’s acting in a way she shouldn’t, then I think I should know about it. Especially if she’s conducting herself that way in my home, to one of my guests.” He had a point. She was the one who had approached me, but I wished this stupid thing would die and not go any further. God, I hated drama. Especially drama of this sort.

“Okay, but let me just say that I didn’t do anything to start this. I’ve never approached her, or said anything to her to start any sort of rivalry,” I said.

Declan stroked my shoulder.

“I know you wouldn’t. I trust you.”

“Okay, so she basically insinuated that I was only here to try and get with you and take your money and that you were in love with her and that you had some sort of relationship. ‘He’s mine’ is a direct quote.” I’d never seen Declan’s jaw clench like that. His nostrils flared for a moment and I could tell. He. Was. Pissed.

“She, um, also said that she slept with you before I did, but I think she was just trying to start something. Get me mad,” I said. Shut up, Blair. You’re not making it better.

“I can’t believe she would do that,” Declan said, shaking his head. “I’m not hers. Not at all. If I’m anyone’s, I’m yours. But I’m not. I already dealt with this kind of thing in my marriage and I swore, never again.” He got up and started walking in front of the coffee table. And then he stopped and faced me.

“My wife cheated on me. But I cheated on her first.”

“What?” It was a good thing I was sitting down.

“I cheated on my wife. That’s why she cheated on me, initially. But then she fell in love and ran away. But maybe she wouldn’t have if I hadn’t beaten her to it. It’s my fault.”

I had no words. None.

“Who?”

“Who did I cheat on her with? Not Ada. It was one of my wife’s friends. So she slept with my friend. That’s how the whole thing started.”

“I can’t believe this,” I said. It was unbelievable. Completely. I’d thought, since I saw the dossier, that I knew everything about him. Nope. Guess not.

“She tried to use it against me to get more money, but she had no proof. I had photographs.” Yes, I knew. Raine had found some of them, but I hadn’t seen them. I hadn’t wanted to.

“Are you angry with me? You have every right to be.”

Like with Gran, it was like my feelings took a minute to catch up with the current situation. I still hadn’t caught up to losing Gran. This was probably going to take a while.

But, if I did get angry with him, I didn’t have a right to. Yes, he’d cheated on his wife. But I’d illegally searched out his personal information. They weren’t the same thing, but they were both lies.

I had to tell him.

“I have something to tell you too. It’s probably going to make you hate me.” His face softened.

“I could never hate you. No matter what you did. But you have every right to hate me.”

“Let’s just hold up on the hating and let me tell you. I tried to tell you before, but I couldn’t get it out.” I felt like I needed to stand, so I did, and then started walking. Declan traded places with me and sat on the couch.

“Okay, so it all started with the book Raine and I are writing,” I said, starting at the very beginning of the ridiculousness.

“So there you go. It sounds even worse when I say it out loud. And I know it’s wrong and I know I’ve been lying to you. I feel awful.” I turned around to face him. He looked as stunned as I’d felt when he’d told me about the cheating.

“So you were able to find all this information about me?” I’d left out the part about Raine finding the information. I didn’t want to throw her under the bus. It had been my choice to read the all of it, which made me just as bad.

“Yeah. It’s pretty easy to find if you know where to look,” I said.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” I said again. I stood and waited for the verdict, while also trying to wrap my head around the fact that he’d cheated on his wife when a little voice called from upstairs.

“Daddy?”

Declan stood up automatically.

“Let me go . . . deal with that. I’ll be right back.” He walked off in a daze and I sat down on the couch.

Well, shit.

What now?

I heard Declan talking to Drake for a few minutes, and then he came back.

He sat down next to me.

“Firstly, I’m not thrilled that you were going to use me and also did some digging about my past. And I’m not pleased that you lied to me. That hurts me more than anything. But I just told you I cheated on my wife and lied to you about it. So. I guess both of us are liars and sinners.” It took me minute to absorb that.

“Yeah, I can’t say I’m thrilled about the cheating. You asshole.” I smacked his shoulder.

“I didn’t plan for it to happen. It just did. If it’s any consolation, the sex was rubbish.” A laugh escaped my mouth.

“This is not funny. Not funny at all. But the word ‘rubbish’ is funny. I can’t help it if it makes me laugh,” I said.

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t be joking about something like that. It wasn’t a good time in my life. Not that that’s an excuse. It was my fault and hers. One big disaster.”

He told me more about how it had been when Drake had been going through a rough patch, not sleeping, having tantrums and more often than not, Declan had dealt with it alone. His ex-wife would go out a lot and he was just lonely.

“It doesn’t excuse anything, but I don’t know if I’ve ever been in such a low place. Except maybe when I first found out she was pregnant with Drake. I can’t imagine living without him, but finding out was a shock. And then telling my parents. That was terrible.”

I couldn’t imagine. I also couldn’t imagine getting married when I was so young. Hell, he’d just barely graduated high school. At that point in my life my biggest decisions were what tattoos I was going to get next. I’d met Raine around that time. Funny to think about it now.

“Well, telling you this hasn’t been a picnic. But I’m really glad you don’t hate me. Do you?”

He shook his head.

“Not if you don’t hate me for being a cheating bastard.”

“Nope. This stalking liar doesn’t.”

He leaned closer to me and I leaned and our lips met in the middle. Weird, kissing after what we’d talking about, but it felt right. His lips caressed mine, as if he was apologizing. I kissed him back, also saying I was sorry.

“I need you,” he said, breaking the kiss. “I need you so much right now.”

“I need you too,” I said, stroking his face. He stood up and held his hand out.

“Let me give you a tour of my bedroom.”

“Will there be an emphasis on the bed?” I asked as we walked up the stairs.

“Yes. You’ll get intimately acquainted with the bed.”

I had a little hesitation about having sex in a house with a child sleeping in it right down the hall, and with a man right after he’d told me that he’d cheated on his wife, but when was timing ever good?

Declan led me to his room, which was an entire master suite. I wanted to ask him if he’d decorated the room himself, or if he’d hired someone. It was beautiful, done in white with accents of dark gray and hints here and there of light blue. Beautiful and clean and simple.

But I didn’t have a chance to really check out the décor, because he led me right to the bed.

“Are you sure you’re not angry with me?” he said fisting my shirt in his hands. The fabric wasn't that thick. He could probably rip it if he wanted.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” I said, reaching up and under his shirt and stroking his stomach.

“Sure?” he said, leaning closer.

“Shut up and kiss me.” If he didn’t, I had other ways to make him stop talking. Most of them involved my mouth and a certain part of his body. I’d never met a man yet who could carry on a conversation while receiving that particular treatment.

He pressed his lips together and then leaned forward, tasting my lips with his. There we go. That’s what I’m talking about.

We took our time tonight, under an unspoken agreement to go slow. Most of the time when we were together, we went fast, too eager to get to the main event.

But this time, Declan lay me back on the bed and we kissed, hands creeping under clothing, but not removing it. His tongue licked my bottom lip and I let him into my mouth and we tasted one another, giving and taking. He rolled until I was on top of him and then we rolled again and it was his turn to be on top. He moved his hips against mine, but we still had a long way to go and I was going to enjoy every moment of this journey.

He broke the kiss and looked at me, his lips red from my lipstick. I could see the words he wanted to say in his eyes, feel them in the way he kissed me, the way he touched me. But he didn’t say them.

“I love kissing you,” he said instead. “I love the taste of your mouth and your lipstick and the way you make these little sounds.” What sounds? I had no idea I made any sounds. That was news.

“I love the way you hold me, and you let me take charge, and then you take charge,” I said. “I love when we start your hair is slicked back and by the end, it’s mussed and in your eyes.”

The words buzzed between us, but neither of us said anything else. Instead, we made out some more, gradually shedding our clothes until he went down on me, taking his time to lead me to climax. He’d get me close, and then back off, close and then back off so the eventual orgasm was so intense I could barely stand it. I got him back by taking him in my mouth, and driving him until he jerked his hips away and had to roll on a condom. He entered me slow, and we started in missionary. Sweet and simple. As his thrusts intensified, we shifted and I rolled onto my stomach so he entered me from behind.

I loved how deep he could get that way, and sometimes he pulled at my hair a little in the heat of the moment.

Our next climaxes were nearly simultaneous. Almost perfect. Afterward he lay on my back and kissed my shoulder.

“I love the noises you make when you come,” he said.

“I love the way your nails dig into me and leave marks,” I said. He pulled out and moved to the side so I could roll over.

“So,” I said, messing with his hair. “Any more secrets I should know?”

He shook his head.

“No. I think you know more about me than I do at this point.” Could we joke about that yet? It felt too soon, but maybe it was okay now?

“I told you everything I know. It was mostly just things like financial stats and the divorce and so forth. Real estate. College.”

He took my hand and kissed my palm. “I’m assuming you also know my grades.”

“Yeah. I might have looked that up. You’re a smarty pants.” And handsome. And kind. And generous. Sure, he wasn’t perfect, but he was damn near close.

“I’m guessing you were no slouch with grades either.”

“I’ll show you my transcript if you want to see it. Turnabout is fair play, right?” He pulled on a lock of my hair.

“I don’t want to know. I still want you to surprise me. I always want you to surprise me.” He grinned and I smiled back.

“That’s what I want. And there are plenty of things about you I don’t know. All those other things are just numbers and facts. They don’t tell me anything about you. They didn’t tell me what you eat for breakfast in the morning, or what your favorite color is, or what games you like to play with your son. And those are the important things,” I said.

“Yes. They are.”

“I love being naked with you. I’ve never been with a woman who was so comfortable in her body. I love that,” he said. We’d stayed in bed talking, and it was even better than being in the hotel. Plus, Declan had gone downstairs and brought up more of the frozen ice cream bars and we were currently munching on them.

“I know there are people who would call me fat, because I have been called fat. But I can’t seem to find any fucks to give,” I said. “My mom used to try and put me on diets. There was even talk of fat camp. Thankfully Dad put the kibosh on that. I probably would have escaped anyway.” I licked the popsicle stick off and put it in the empty box.

“I mean, this is the body I was given and if I’m not happy with how it is, then I’ll never be happy. So I figured I’d just be happy.” He had a bit of ice cream in the corner of his mouth, so I wiped it off with my finger and then stuck it in my mouth.

“You’re wise beyond your years. Many people spend their lifetimes hating themselves.”

“An entire billion-dollar industry is built on people hating themselves. It’s pretty sick if you think about it,” I said. It hadn’t been easy to get to the place I was at with loving myself, but I was here and I wasn’t going back.

“So you’re really coming with me to the funeral? Even after I turned out to be a stalker?” I said, and he tossed the empty box in the trash.

“Yes, of course. I’m going to be there for you no matter what. I told you, nothing you say could make me hate you.” I pulled him into a naked hug, which turned into more than a hug real quick.

I couldn’t keep my hands off him.

I hesitated about staying the night with Declan. I’d brought stuff, just in case, but I didn’t know if I was ready to wake up here. To have breakfast with him and Drake. Oh, God. I’d probably have to see Ada. That would be a barrel of fun.

“Stay. Please?” Declan said, and that pretty much decided things for me.

“Well, if you’re going to force me, I guess I will,” I said. “As long as you give me one of your t-shirts to sleep in.” I wasn’t one of those girls who could put on his button up shirt and be all cute and shit. His shirt would definitely not fit me, my hips or my chest. Hell to the no.

He got up and found a t-shirt and tossed it at me.

“Try that.” I put it on and it was a little tight in the bosom area, but otherwise, it worked.

“Stop staring at my chest,” I said, pulling the shirt down to cover my hips.

“It’s hard not to,” he said, gesturing. Well, he did have a point. My girls were difficult to ignore. “And speaking of hard.” He pulled me close. “Seeing you wearing my shirt is definitely making me.” Yes, indeed it was.

This time I rode him while wearing his shirt and it definitely worked for both of us.

“Do normal couples have this much sex?” I asked when we were done again. “I mean, not that we’re a couple. You know what I’m asking.”

Kids in college had bragged about their conquests, but a lot of that was made up for the sake of bragging. Raine had definitely had a lot of time with her ex, but I didn’t know if it was this much. And the more sex I had with Declan, the more I wanted.

“I’ve never been like this with anyone. Maybe my ex, when we first got together, but we were horny teenagers and the secrecy of it was what got me off more than anything else. But this? No, I’ve never been with someone like this and I love it.”

There it was again.

“I’ve never been with anyone like this either. I keep waiting for it not to work, or for us not to click. But it hasn’t happened yet.”

“And if I have anything to do with it, it won’t.” We didn’t talk about commitment or being a couple.

“Agreed,” I said, yawning. Declan put on his boxers and then we got into bed and spooned. I liked the fact that I was the little spoon in this situation. That didn’t happen much. I closed my eyes and went to sleep in Declan’s bed, surrounded by his scent, with his arms around me and his shirt against my skin.

“Wake up!” A voice shrieked, and my eyes flew open.

“Drake! What have I told you about coming into Daddy’s room in the morning?” Declan said. Drake was sitting on top of his Dad and staring down at us. Thank God I hadn’t slept naked.

“I did knock, Daddy,” Drake said.

“And what are you supposed to do after you knock?” Declan rubbed his eyes and gave me an “I’m so sorry” look.

Drake thought about that for a minute.

“Wait.”

“That’s right. Did you wait?” Drake shook his head and then started jumping on the bed. Why hadn’t scientists figured out how to bottle a toddler’s energy? It could solve a lot of problems.

“Drake!” I’d never heard Declan speak sharply to his son. Drake stopped, mid-bounce.

“Yes, Daddy,” he said and climbed off the bed.

“Can you go to your room and wait for me to come get you? I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Declan said and Drake bounded from the room. It only then occurred to me that Drake hadn’t even commented on the fact that I’d been in his daddy’s bed.

“Oh, fuck,” Declan said, covering his eyes. “I am so sorry about that. I should have warned you. I’ve gone over and over the rules with him, but he’s three and they don’t always stick.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” I said, covering a huge yawn. I’d slept well, but I wasn’t used to getting up this early. “I need to learn how to get up at a decent hour anyway. I’ve been slacking since I got done at the library. This means Raine and I can get started earlier. I’m sure she’s been up all night working. I feel so bad for abandoning her, but she made me come.”

“Good thing you put my shirt on,” Declan said, getting up. I snorted because he had a bad case of morning wood.

“And good thing I can take care of that for you. Real quick,” I said hopping out of bed and getting down on my knees in front of him. He backed away.

“What if Drake comes back? I don’t fancy explaining that to him at this point. He’s a wee bit young.” Okay, so he had a point.

“So what are you going to do? Just rub one out quick?”

Declan gave me a look.

“I can do that too. Come on.” I led him into the bathroom and grabbed the bag I’d brought with me that had my overnight things in it. I’d packed a few emergency items, including a small tube of lube. Never knew when you were going to need it.

“Blair,” Declan said, but his protests were getting weaker as I reached into his boxers and pulled him out, starting a slow rhythm with my hand, up and down.

His protests were drowned out by repressed moans. I moved faster and I could feel when he was ready, so I grabbed a tissue. The whole thing was short and sweet and barely took any time.

“There. Problem solved. Now that wasn’t too bad, was it?” I said, tossing the tissue and washing the lube off my hand.

“Better than a cup of tea,” he said, his face a little flushed. “I have to go get Drake. Take your time getting ready and you can join us downstairs.” He gave me a peck on the cheek and went to go take care of Drake.

I pulled off his shirt and hopped in the shower, making it a quick one. I put on a t-shirt and jeans and put my hair up in a bun. I could dry it later.

The clatter in the kitchen was only drowned out by the sound of Drake singing. That kid actually had a good ear. Hopefully when he got older he could explore that more.

“Morning Blair!” Drake said, running to give me a hug.

“Good morning, Drake. How are you?”

“You have sleepover with Daddy,” he said.

“We were just talking about why you were in my bed this morning. Because we were having a sleepover like grown-ups do,” Declan said. I quickly got the gist and nodded.

“Yes, adults do have sleepovers. I just wanted to, um, have fun with Daddy.” I could feel my face getting totally red. “So, what are we having for breakfast?” That changed the subject effectively and Declan showed me his electric griddle with pancakes on it and bacon sizzling in a pan on the stove.

“Coffee?” I said in a hopeful voice.

“Yes, I have coffee,” he said, pointing to a Keurig machine. “I don’t drink it, but Ada does.”

“I keep telling Raine we need to get one of these, but we haven’t yet.” I pulled out one of the little pods and put it in the machine. In only moments, I had a steaming cup of coffee. I waited for it to cool and then sipped.

“Yeah, I think we’re going to have to get one. Or I’ll have to get one. Guess I can afford it now.” I didn’t think Keurigs cost more than three hundred thousand dollars.

“I want coffee!” Drake said, coming over and reaching for my cup.

“You’re not going to like it,” Declan said. “It’s for grown-ups.” But that only made Drake want it more. I could have told him that.

“I’ll give him a sip. You know he’s not going to like it,” I said, leaning down and holding the cup for Drake. It was cool enough that I didn’t think it would burn his mouth.

I tipped it just a little bit and he got a sip. His reaction was immediate as the dark liquid his tongue.

“Ew!” To his credit, he didn’t spit it out, but he definitely didn’t want any more.

“See? What did I tell you?” Declan said.

“That’s what my parents used to say,” I said, giving him a look. “All that did was make me want to do whatever it was more. But I think you actually like your child so it’ll probably turn out better for you.” Yes, my parents loved me, but I didn’t think they liked me very much. Or at least they didn’t understand me, or make the effort to.

Making breakfast went more smoothly than dinner had, mostly because I occupied Drake and kept him away from any of the cooking implements.

It was early, and I wasn’t used to being up like this, but there was something about being up at this time. The sun was just barely up and the dew was still visible on the grass outside. Birds sang and chittered and the summer heat hadn’t set in yet. It was a little slice of perfect before the chaos of the day started. I should get up at this time more often. I’d probably change my mind when I had to take a nap later in order to stay up to work on the book.

We all ate our pancakes and chatted. Declan had another ritual for breakfast.

“Drake, what are three things you’re looking forward to today?” Drake had to think about that for a long time.

“Watching Daniel Tiger, eating pudding and playing trucks.” Sounded like a busy day. “Now you, Daddy!” Declan listed going to work and helping people, driving me home and getting to see Drake when he got back from work.

“Blair!”

“I’m looking forward to working on my book with Raine, taking a nap and maybe reading a new book.” Declan had given me enough of them to keep me occupied.

We finished breakfast and I quickly braided my hair. It would be cool when I took it out later.

“So, um, when does Ada usually get here?” I asked as I handed Declan the dishes. He’d sent Drake to his room to get dressed.

“Bugger. She’ll be here in about twenty minutes. Shit, bugger, bollocks. I’m going to need to deal with her,” he said, leaning against the counter.

“Oh, don’t make it bigger than it was, really. If you fire her, she’s going to know that I told you.”

He sighed.

“Drake’s not happy with her anyway. I was only keeping her on out of obligation and if she’s going to pull shite like that, she’s done. I don’t care if I’m supposed to be doing her a favor. She’s done.” He slammed a plate in the dishwasher so hard it nearly broke.

“I’m sorry.” He stood up and hugged me.

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine for keeping her on for this long. I just didn’t know if I could find someone better, or someone I’d trust. She might be jealous and think she’s in love with me, but I do trust her with Drake. She’d never let anything happen to him.” I hugged him back and he rocked me from side to side. He kissed my earlobe and I had an idea.

“What I if I watched him? I mean, I can’t until we get edits done, but after that, I could. I mean, if it’s just for a few weeks.” Declan looked at me as if I’d suggested we build a house on the moon together. And then Drake barreled into my legs. That kid only seemed to know how to run.

“I’s dressed!” Declan and I separated and looked down at Drake. He had quite the outfit on. A superman shirt with a little silk vest buttoned wrong over it plus a pair of what looked like swim trunks. With mismatched socks and no shoes.

“Wow,” I said, looking at Declan. I could tell he was trying to keep a straight face.

“Good job, Drake. You’re a big boy for getting ready all by yourself.” Drake beamed and hopped up and down. Something told me Ada wouldn’t have approved of the outfit or think it was sweet that Drake had dressed himself.

“Can I help you with the buttons, buddy?” I asked, bending down. Drake looked down at the vest.

I undid the buttons and redid them. There wasn’t much I could do about the rest, but if he wanted to wear it, then I was going to support that. Let kids be kids.

“There. Now you’re perfect. But you need shoes. Want me to come help you?” I said and he shook his head.

“No! I do it.” He dashed off again.

“See? I can handle him.”

“No, Blair, I can’t ask you to do that. What would happen if we . . . if this ended? I wouldn’t want it to change our relationship. I like things the way they are.” He did have a point there. And I’d be terrified that something would happen to Drake on my watch. That would be the worst.

“Well, it was an idea. I wish I could watch him for you today, but I have this deadline.” Stupid book. Ruining everything.

“No, it’s fine. I can leave him with our neighbor. She runs a small daycare out of her house and I’ve considered sending Drake there, but I liked him being home and being able to come and see me at the office whenever I wanted. Guess I’m a selfish father.” Nothing selfish about that. Nothing at all.

“Okay, well, if you need me, please let me know. I’d be more than happy to watch him for a few hours if you needed.” I could babysit. I’d dealt with enough kids at the library and Drake was adorable. We’d have fun together, that was for sure.

“I have to get to work,” Declan said, looking at the clock on the oven. Yeah, I needed to get back to Raine. And probably call my parents at some point today to see how they were doing. The obituary was coming out this week, so they were probably going to be inundated with calls and people dropping by and making casseroles and so forth. Or at least I assumed that was what happened. I’d never really been through this before.

Declan put his arms around me again.

“I don’t want to go to work or class today. Come up with a good excuse for me?” he said. “I just want to spend the day with you.” Same here.

“Well, you can always go with the old standby of being sick, usually a 24-hour stomach bug is good. Food poisoning. If you don’t want to use that, then you can go with car trouble, kid emergency, fire, flood, act of God.”

“Hm.” He thought about that for a moment. “Not sure. My father knows when I’m lying.”

I put my hands on his glorious ass and squeezed. “Okay, then just tell him that you’re being held prisoner and that I won’t let you go until you’ve satisfied me sexually.”

“That might work. I’d gladly be your prisoner.”

But we couldn’t play prisoner. We had to be adults. Lame.

I called Raine to pick me up so I didn’t have to see Ada. Declan offered to drive me home on his way to drop Drake off, but I said it was no problem, and Raine sounded like she was still hopped up on coffee from last night.

“No, it would be good for me to get out of the house. It’s totally cool. Besides, we’re out of coffee and Oreos.” Wow, she was talking fast.

I hung up with her and Drake came to sit on my lap while waited for her to arrive.

“Will you come back, Blair? I’s miss you.” He put his little arms around my neck and held on tight. So. Damn. Sweet.

“Of course I’ll come back. I’d miss you too.” In the short period of time I’d had this kid in my life, I’d fallen for him just as hard as I’d fallen for his Dad. They’d both stolen my heart.

Yes, I was in love with Declan. And Drake. And their life, and I wanted to be a part of it. Forever. I wanted Drake to bounce on the bed to wake me up. I wanted to make pancakes with Declan and dance in the kitchen and do the dishes and so many other silly domestic things. I wanted this life, now that I’d gotten a taste of it.

But I wasn’t going to say anything to Declan. We’d agreed this would be a casual thing. He’d already been burned by one relationship and I wasn’t going to ask him to go through that again. Because what if I said yes, I did want this, and then something happened? More than I wanted to be with him, I wanted him not to get his heart broken again.

My thoughts were interrupted by Raine arriving and texting me that she was in the driveway. I got up and peered out the window and saw her waving. I knew she’d want to come in and see the house, but she was respecting the boundaries. About time.

“Raine’s here,” I said to Declan as he came downstairs, fully-dressed and looking perfect.

“Oh, well. I guess I’ll talk to you later?” We’d spent so many intimate hours together and now they were just . . . ending.

“Yeah, I’ll call you and let you know when I’ll have some free time.” I hoped I could see him before Sunday. I definitely wanted to see him before Sunday.

“Good. I want to see you as soon as possible. I know you’re busy and I’m busy, but I’ll do just about anything to see you,” he said, giving me a kiss. Drake just hopped around us in glee.

“Kiss me!” I gave him a kiss and grabbed my bag and headed out the door, waving goodbye to Drake in his Superman shirt and mismatched socks.

“Hey, how you doing? I thought it would be weird if I came in, so here I am,” Raine said as I got in the car.

“I’m in love with him.” I couldn’t hold it in. I had to tell someone.

Raine smiled at me in satisfaction.

“Yeah, you are. It’s written all over your face. So, what are you going to do about it?” I looked back at the house and saw Drake with his face pressed against the window and his little hands waving. I waved back as Raine drove away.

“God, I don’t know. This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were just supposed to have sex and fool around and go on a few dates. It was just supposed to be casual.” I put my head in my hands.

“That’s when you know it’s right. When everything is telling you that it’s wrong, except you know. You can feel it. It’s undeniable.” I looked up and she was staring out the windshield and I knew she was talking from experience. But her heart had been broken and hadn’t mended. I wasn’t sure if it ever would.

“I want it. I want a life with him. I want to be Drake’s stepmother. I love him too.” That little boy had squirmed his way into my heart.

“You need to tell him.” That reminded me of the night before and what I’d told Declan and what he’d told me.

“I told him about the dossier, and about using him and everything. But not until after he told me he cheated on his wife. So I guess we’re even now? It’s complicated.”

“What?! Why did you tell me that while I was driving?” Raine said, gripping the steering wheel.

“Sorry. So yeah. That happened last night. Among other things.”

Raine shook her head back and forth.

“This is crazy.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me. And I’m the one living it,” I said. “Hey, do you mind if we stop at Starbucks? I need an extra boost.” Or five. It was going to be a rough day.

“My God, yes. I was going to stop anyway. Okay, so start from when he told you about the cheating and why in hell you told him about the dossier. Did you tell him I was the one who found all the information?”

“No, I kept you out of it.”

She breathed a sigh of relief and I launched into my story, but I had to backtrack and start with the Ada situation.

A lot had happened in twenty-four hours.

I filled Raine in on everything in the car and at Starbucks and on the way home. A lot of the talk was me telling her how I’d fallen in love with Declan.

“I don’t know how it happened. He’s just so damn irresistible. I never should have gone out with him. I should have known I’d fall for him, but I thought I had better control,” I said, stuffing my face with a croissant as I typed with the other hand. Raine had made a good start with the edits and I was adding my own ideas to hers. We’d go over them together later tonight. It was a good thing I knew how to multitask and could put different things in different parts of my brain.

“It’s the British thing. I seriously think they should study those accents. They do something to us,” Raine agreed, popping an Oreo in her mouth.

“Probably. And the hair, and the way he talks and the way he is and every single damn thing about him. You ready to hear something insane? I’m even glad he told me about cheating on his ex-wife. Because now it means he’s not perfect. He’s human. And I can love him even more now that I know he’s real.” Fucked. Up.

Raine thought about that while she chewed.

“Yeah, that makes sense, actually. It’s always a good thing when you find out someone’s flaws, because people aren’t perfect. And those who seem like they are often have the worst secrets.” That was definitely true. “And now he knows you’re not perfect. Do you think he loves you?”

I nodded.

“But I don’t think he’s going to let himself feel it. We already talked about how this isn’t serious and he’s terrified of being hurt again. He’s built those walls up and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to break them down. I don’t want to force him to be with me if it’s going to make him unhappy.” Raine raised her eyebrow and scoffed.

“You’re crazy. He’s just scared of getting hurt, but you can’t stop yourself from falling in love. And the more you fight it, the worse it gets. It haunts you for years. And it doesn’t go away. Especially if it’s the real thing.” The real thing. I knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this was the real thing. I’d never felt this before. There was truth to the saying “When you know, you know”.

“I feel like, with him, I can just be . . . me. Tattoos and cursing and awkwardness and all. And he loves it. Loves me the way I am. Only you’ve ever loved me like that. My family was always trying to change me. He doesn’t.”

“Then you have to tell him, Walt,” Raine said as she unlocked the door to the apartment.

I dropped my stuff and went right to the couch.

“I don’t want to,” I said.

“Buck up, babe. I have faith in you and faith that it’s going to work out. But if it doesn’t? I’ll be here. Always. I’m your platonic life partner and I’ll never abandon you.”

I guess that was something.

I closed my eyes, wishing I could sleep for a week and then wake up.

“Babe?” I cracked one eye open. “Deadline,” she said with a sad face.

Fuck. Stupid book.

That stupid book consumed my life for the next several days. I only took breaks to shower, talk to my parents and help with Gran’s funeral. And text Declan. I’d wanted to see him, but the edits were proving more difficult than Raine and I could have imagined and I barely had time to eat and get a few hours of sleep.

By Saturday, we finally got somewhere and I was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

I had a dress for Gran’s funeral, I’d picked a piece of poetry to read at the ceremony and the money Gran left me had been transferred to an account in my name. I still had no idea what the hell to do with it, but I had taken one step and bought a Keurig for Raine and me. And I’d gotten Gran’s jewelry. I was planning on wearing a lot of it to the funeral. She would have liked that.

Part of my reason for throwing myself into the book so much was so I didn’t have to tell Declan I loved him. Of course, it didn’t stop me from loving him and it made things worse because I missed him so much. But he was busy too, with work and his classes, and with trying to find someone to watch Drake.

“So how are you going to tell him?” Raine said on Saturday afternoon as we took a break from the computer to watch a television marathon and eat some junk food.

“I don’t know. I’m going to see him tomorrow. He’s meeting us there. I’m not sure a funeral is the best place to do that. But maybe . . . I don’t know.” I’d thought about it over and over. “You’d think we’d be able to do this. We’re romance writers after all.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling you this whole time,” Raine said. She had. She’d wanted me to do some grand gesture to show my love, but that had seemed so cheesy. That stuff was all well and good in books, but in the real world? Not so much.

“You should write him a letter. Tell him all the things you told me. Nice and simple. It doesn’t even have to rhyme.” I’d thought about that. I wasn’t necessarily good with my words when I was under pressure, but I could write my thoughts down. I could do that.

So I got out some of the stationary Raine had bought me a few Christmases ago and I started a letter to Declan. Of course the first one didn’t come out right, so I started again. And again.

It was on my fifth draft that I thought I had everything I wanted to say. Raine asked if she could read it.

“I think this is for his eyes only,” I said, folding the letter up and discarding my previous drafts.

“You’re no fun,” she said with a pout.

I gave her a look and them my phone rang. I checked to see who it was before I answered.

“Hey, Mom. Everything ready?”

“I hope so. Listen, can you come over early tomorrow and give me a hand? Oh, and can you be responsible for the guest book?” I took a deep breath before I answered, wishing she’d asked me this earlier in the week. I’d made plans with Raine to go over at a certain time and meet Declan, but now that wasn’t going to work.

“Yeah, sure Mom. I can do that. What time do you need me?” The service was at noon, but Mom wanted me there by ten thirty. I said I’d be there and then hung up.

“What now?” Raine said, taking her hair down and then putting it up again.

“Mom wants me there at ten thirty to help with setting up or something. I have no idea. And she also wants me to help with the guestbook. I have no idea what that means.” Was I supposed to guard it or something?

“That’s fine. I can go with you. Help defuse the situation. I’m also very helpful.”

“Are you sure?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

“You’re the best.” She gave me an air kiss and I texted Declan to tell him that I couldn’t meet him when I wanted to. He messaged back asking if he could help as well. Now that would be weird.

No, you really don’t have to. Raine is coming with me.

He responded right away.

I want to be there for you.

I wanted him there. Needed him there.

Okay. But you’ll have to meet my parents.

I definitely wasn’t going to give him the letter tomorrow. It would make things awkward. Besides, this wasn’t about me. It was about Gran. Mom had turned the funeral into an all-day affair, but that was probably what Gran would have wanted. No Celebration of Life for her. I’d put together a slideshow of some of the best pictures from the albums so that was ready to go for the lunch we were having after the service.

I think I can handle it. See you tomorrow.

“He’s coming to help tomorrow. He said he wanted to be there, so how could I say no?” I said to Raine, relaying the texts.

“You can’t. You going to give him the letter?”

“I don’t think so. Not tomorrow. That would just be weird. ‘My Gran’s dead. Oh, by the way, I’m in love with you. Please sign the guestbook.’ No. Definitely not,” I said.

“Good plan. Probably wise.”

I stood in my bedroom, staring at my dress. I’d picked out jewelry to go with it, so all I had to do was blow dry my hair, put my makeup on and get dressed.

Raine knocked softly at my door.

“Hey, you okay?”

I shook my head side to side.

“Not really. I guess it’s, um, finally hitting me. Like, after you graduate from school and that first year when the Fall comes you keep expecting school to start and it doesn’t. It’s like that, multiplied. I keep waiting for Sunday to come around so I can go to her house and have tea and be criticized. I hated it so much. But now I’d give almost anything to get it back.”

There they were. The tears. They’d finally arrived.

I was so surprised I started laughing as the tears dripped down my cheeks and fell onto the towel I’d wrapped around myself after my shower. Raine put her arms around me from behind, hugging my shoulders.

“See? I knew you could cry,” she said. I hadn’t told her about the not-crying but she’d known anyway, the way a platonic life partner was supposed to know.

“I picked a good day,” I said through sobs.

“Yeah, you did,” she said, holding me until I could get control of myself again.

“I’m going to have to wear sunglasses to the funeral like my mother.” I sniffed and wiped my face on the edge of my towel. “Are my eyes really red?”

“Uh, nothing a little concealer and maybe putting something cool on your eyes for a little bit can’t cure.” I followed her to the kitchen and she took two metal spoons and put them in the freezer.

“Now, go dry your hair and then come back out and we’ll get you ready.”

“Thank you.” She just shooed me toward the bathroom and went to get ready herself.

Fifteen minutes later we were both in our black best, and Raine had the spoons pressed under my eyes to reduce the redness and swelling.

“We’ll just do this for a few minutes and then you can do your makeup and we’ll be ready to go. Oh, and I found those giant sunglasses we bought when we went to Cabo a few years ago. I thought we could wear them ironically.” I could do that. Damn, now I wanted to cry again.

“No, don’t cry again. I can’t bring the spoons with us.”

“I can’t help it,” I said. Now that the tears had started, they seemed nearly impossible to stop.

“Dry it up, babe. Dry it up.” I tipped my head back and took several deep breaths to chill out.

“Okay, I think I’m good,” I said. “And we need to get going.”

“Do you want me to drive so you can do your makeup in the car?” Raine asked.

“Yeah, that would be great.” We headed down to the car and I put mega amounts of concealer under my eyes as Raine drove slowly to the funeral home. There was talk of doing a service down south, but most of Gran’s family was here and it would have been a bitch to get everyone together and organized a second time.

My parents were at the funeral home when we arrived, and so was someone else.

“Oh my God, he’s early.” Declan’s car was unmistakable, as was his brilliant head of hair.

“What do I do?” I said to Raine, panicking.

“Jeebus, calm down. Get out of the car, say hello to your parents. I’ll take care of the rest.” She patted my arm and put her enormous sunglasses on.

I did the same and got out of the car, heading for where my parents were waiting for me under the awning of the building.

“There you are, where have you been?” Mom said. She kept twitching from side to side. She probably hadn’t taken one of her mood stabilizers or whatever it was she was currently on. I hoped she had some in her purse, or else this was going to be a very long day.

“I’m here,” I said, swallowing any and all snark. Today was not the right time for it. I was going to leave my snark at the door.

“So, what can I do to help?” I said, putting a smile on my face. Mom started to say something, but then she looked over my shoulder.

“Who is that?”

I turned and saw Raine leading Declan over. Oh, hell. It was happening. I’d been trying to avoid this from the beginning and now here we were. I floundered for a moment and Raine helped me.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Walton. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m more than happy to do anything I can to help during this difficult time.” She gave my parents hugs and they were momentarily distracted from staring at Declan.

“Mom, Dad, this is Declan Bennet. He’s, um . . .” Why hadn’t we talked about this?!

“I’m your daughter’s boyfriend. It’s nice to finally meet you, even though it’s not under the best of circumstances,” Declan said, extending his hand to my dad, who just stared at Mom and then looked back at Declan.

“It’s nice to meet you, Declan,” Dad said, enunciating his name. Mom smiled at him, but tugged at my arm.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Blair, dear, can I speak with you for a moment?” Way to be obvious, Mom. Very subtle.

“You never told us you had a boyfriend and you show up with him on today of all days?” she hissed, her hand digging into my arm. Yeah, I hadn’t told my parents that Declan was coming with me. They just knew about Raine. In hindsight, it might have been a better idea to warn them, but then that would have involved a lot of questions I didn’t want to answer at the time.

And here I was in a terribly awkward situation.

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s complicated. He met Gran and he wanted to come. He said he wanted to help,” I added.

Mom narrowed her eyes and then sighed.

“Well, I suppose I can’t begrudge him being willing help. But we’re going to have a talk about this later, when everyone’s gone.” Fun. That would be so much fun.

“Sure, fine.” Anything to end this right now.

We went back to the group and I flashed Declan an “I’m sorry” face, but he just smiled at me.

“Well, we should get inside,” Dad said and held the door open. Declan put his hand on my back and walked behind me.

“Missed you,” he whispered.

“Ditto,” I said over my shoulder.

It turned out what Mom needed help with was moving everything around a hundred times. The chairs. The flowers. The picture of Gran. Even the urn with her ashes in it.

She wasn’t happy where anything was placed. And a few minutes after we arrived, Gerald and Pearl showed up with their respective spouses and families and the funeral home, which was probably supposed to be a quiet place, but turned into a circus as my younger cousins ran around and pulled at their stiff clothes and generally made a racket.

Raine worked at reining them in as Mom and everyone else argued about where this vase of flowers should go and if they needed more chairs.

I stood to the side with Declan.

“So, yeah. This is my family. I share genetic material with these people.”

Declan reached for my hand and held it in the folds of my dress.

“They seem lovely,” he said and I gave him a look.

“You’re so lying.”

“No, I’m not. My family is so quiet. Yours is full of life.” Well, that was one word for it.

“Crazy. My family is full of crazy.”

“But they’re your crazy.”

They were. You only got one family.

“And you’re my sane,” I said, squeezing his hand. I had the letter in my purse. Just in case.

“And I’m used to crazy. You remember my son, correct?” True. He did have to deal with his share of insanity.

“True.”

By the time everything got settled and Mom gave me the instructions on how to deal with the guestbook, it was time for the service. Raine and Declan stayed with me and I was so glad to have them.

“I have never seen at least twenty percent of these people. Is there such a thing as funeral crashing?” I whispered as a new batch of mourners walked in.

“I’m sure it’s a thing,” Raine said. “We should write a book about that.” She got some paper out of her purse and scribbled down the idea. I didn’t think it was going to fly, but I kept my mouth shut.

Declan got more than a few looks as people walked by to sit down. Even at a funeral, he caught people’s eye.

Mom came out and grabbed my arm.

“It’s time to sit down.” I gave Raine and Declan a helpless look.

“We’ll be in the back,” Raine said, giving me a thumbs-up which earned her a glare from my mother.

Declan gave me a wink and patted his heart. I blew a kiss at him as Mom dragged me up the middle aisle to the front row. Wow, there were a lot of people here.

“I knew there weren’t going to be enough chairs,” Mom hissed in my ear. People were starting to form rows in the back, including Declan and Raine, who gave me a subtle wave.

I gave Raine a look that said “help me”.

Mom planted me in the front row between her and Dad. The rest of the close relatives filled our row, and then the second.

The minister from Gran’s church (who looked like he was at death’s door) hobbled up to the podium and started speaking.

We all bowed our heads for the prayer and I already heard sniffing. I’d packed some tissues in my purse, but Mom had a lace handkerchief she kept dabbing her eyes with. I reached out and rubbed her back because it seemed like the right thing to do. I could feel the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes, and if I let them, they’d fall.

Dad was first to get up and talk about Gran. He spoke about her life growing up and school and marrying Gramps. The way he spoke I almost wondered if Gran hadn’t written this herself. It was very respectful and completely non-humorous.

I had my turn after Dad. I’d picked a poem by E. E. Cummings. It was one that Gran probably would have hated and she would have given me one of her looks if she knew I was reading it, but that’s why I did it. It was called “Nobody Loses All the Time”. It was sort of a funny poem and as I read it, I could see the urn out of the corner of my eye, and Gran’s picture. I lost it again and barely made it to the end of the poem.

When I was finally done, I didn’t sit back down in my seat. I knew I was only in for a reprimand if I sat back down with Mom for the content of the poem, so I headed out the back to get some air, giving an eye signal to Declan and Raine. I headed all the way outside and I could feel them following me.

I nearly fell into Declan’s arms.

“Oh my God, I never want to do that again. Neither of you is allowed to die,” I said as Declan held me and stroked my hair. My body shook and all I wanted was to get away from the smell of the flowers and the music and the whole thing.

“I felt like I couldn’t breathe,” I said. “That was awful.” Raine handed me a tissue and I blew my nose. “How’s my mascara?”

Yes, it seemed like a stupid thing to be worried about at the present moment.

Raine gave me two thumbs up.

“Looks good. That waterproof stuff we paid an arm and a leg for really works.” I looked up at Declan.

“I’m sorry. I’m a mess.”

He laughed.

“You’re not a mess, love. Come here.” He hugged me close again. “You finally cried,” he said in my ear.

“I did. And it wasn’t so bad.”

“Nothing is ever as bad as you anticipate it to be.” I leaned back and gave him a kiss. “You did really well. Your Gran would be proud.”

That made me laugh.

“She would have hated that poem. Told me it was inappropriate. But that’s why I picked it. Because that was how she showed me she loved me.” And that set me off again.

Declan held me close.

“She did love you. Anyone could see that.” Raine handed me a tissue and I smiled at her in thanks.

“She liked you, too. I never brought a guy to meet her because I never thought anyone would be good enough for her. But she liked you, I could tell. I think she was flirting with you at one point.”

Declan chuckled.

“A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman at any age,” he said. “I’ve missed you this week.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Oh, no. We were getting very close to the reason I’d avoided him this week.

“And Drake has been asking when you’re coming to have dinner with us again. I think he’s plotting to handcuff you to one of the chairs and never let you leave.” I wouldn’t want to. “I might have given him the idea.”

I pulled back and looked up at him.

“Oh, it looks like it’s over,” Raine said as people started filing out of the funeral home.

“Shit, I missed the whole thing,” I said, wiping my eyes again. “My mom’s going to kill me. Oh well.” I didn’t care anymore. I was with the people I wanted to be with. Well, minus Drake and Angie.

“I need a drink,” I said.

Raine grinned.

“Let me text Angie and see if she can sweet talk Blue into opening the bar.” This was why she was my best friend.

“I have to go to that stupid lunch, but we can definitely go after,” I said. Normally there was a graveside service, but since Gran was cremated, we weren’t doing one. She had a stone, but she hadn’t wanted any pomp and circumstance about placing it. Her instructions on what to do with the ashes were specific, though. Gramps’ ashes were scattered near Myrtle Beach, and that’s what Gran wanted. So Gerald had the honor of driving the ashes down and scattering them without getting arrested. I didn’t envy that job.

“Do you have someone to watch Drake for the rest of the day?” I asked Declan.

“Yes. He’s with my father today.”

“How did it go with Ada?” Declan gave me a grim look.

“Not well. She, ah, wasn’t very pleased. I had to threaten her with legal action.” Damn. That woman really was delusional. “But now that she’s gone, I’m glad. She wasn’t a good influence in my life, or my son’s. He needs to be surrounded by people who really love him.”

Raine did a little victory dance, distracting me for a moment.

“Blue is in. We just have to be there around two-thirty and he’ll take care of us. Angie will meet us there.” She dropped her phone back in her purse.

“You doing good, babe?”

I nodded and gave her a hug.

“I love you and thank you so much for being my best friend,” I said. She kissed my cheek.

“Love you, too. You’re my PLPF. Platonic Life Partner Forever.”

She dabbed at my eyes and then replaced my sunglasses.

“Well, we should probably head over. The lunch is being catered, but I’m sure there will be some crisis Mom will need me for.” Raine looked up from her phone.

“Why don’t I drive? Then you ladies don’t have to worry about being sober,” Declan said.

“I love that you think about things like that,” I said.

“And I love that even at a funeral, you’re exactly who you always are. Never change, love. Ever,” he said.

I leaned up and gave him a kiss.

“I won’t. Promise.” Raine made an impatient noise and we headed for Declan’s car.

“Wow, this a sweet ride,” Raine said, stretching out in the backseat. “You guys ever bang each other back here? It’s so comfy.” I looked at Declan and we both decided silence was the best answer to that question.

“You totally have, haven’t you?” Raine said and started humming to herself.

I turned on the radio to drown her out.

The food at the lunch was fantastic, but Mom was going nuts and yelling at people and finally Dad had to remove her and when she came back a half-hour later she was way too calmed down.

“I think my mom just popped some meds,” I said to Raine and Declan. The three of us had been having a fairly good time, watching the slideshow and talking about random things.

“It’s almost ten after two,” Raine said as I pointed out family members in one of the pictures.

“Crap, we should get out of here to meet Blue. Is my mom watching?” I said, glancing around.

“No, I don’t see her,” Raine said. “Let’s make our getaway.” We quickly tossed our plates and headed out a side door.

“Go, go, go,” I said as we raced across the parking lot, as if we were escaping with our lives.

“We made it,” I said, collapsing into the passenger seat of Declan’s car. “Drive!” The car roared to life and he peeled out of the lot, Raine and me laughing and shrieking.

“I needed that after the crying. I guess I can’t laugh without wanting to cry,” I said. “I’m a freak.”

“Yes, you are. But we love you anyway,” Raine said. I turned around in my seat to stare at her. She’d said “we love you”, implying that both she and Declan loved me.

Declan cleared his throat and things got awkward. And silent. And weird.

Thanks, Raine.

“To Gran!” I said, raising my Mint Julep. Blue had blended us all classic southern drinks in honor of her.

“To Gran!” everyone said, raising their glasses and tipping them back.

“And to Blue for getting his lazy ass out of bed to open,” Angie said and Blue glared at her.

“I didn’t do it for you, sweetheart. I did it for Blair. She leaves good tips.” That was true. I did tip him well. They started fighting again and I watched, sipping my drink.

“Are they always like that?” Declan asked, his arm around my waist.

“Pretty much. They’re really in love with each other, but neither will admit it,” I said. That pretty much explained Blue and Angie.

“Sometimes it’s not easy to tell the person you love that you love them. You never know if they’re going to love you back.” Yeah, we weren’t talking about Angie and Blue anymore.

“You’re right. But if you know, you know. And nothing else matters. Not your past. Not theirs. It all pales in comparison to how right you are for each other.”

Declan sipped at his non-alcoholic lemonade and looked like he was going to say something else, but didn’t. I had the letter in my purse. To give it to him, or not to give it to him. That was the question.

“Do you remember that time when you brought me with you to visit Gran and she spent the entire time correcting my posture?” Raine said. “I thought I was going to slap her, and you can’t slap an old lady. But every time my back hurts from sitting weird, I hear her voice in my head telling me that ladies sat up straight.” I could hear it too.

I started telling stories about Gran and we all laughed and I knew she wouldn’t approve of the way I was celebrating her life, but this was the way I was going to celebrate her. This was how I was going to do it. And somewhere, somehow I knew she was smiling.

Declan was lively and fit in perfectly with my friends, but he was quiet on the ride back to the funeral home. Raine kept us entertained by singing loudly with the radio. She’d had a few too many drinks. I’d stuck to one, and that was a while ago, so I was set to drive.

“Can I speak with you, Blair?” Declan said as we got Raine into the car and buckled.

“Yeah, sure. Just give me a second?” I said to Raine and she gave me a big smile. Oh boy. We walked back to Declan’s car and a bud of fear started to bloom in my stomach.

“Are you okay?” I asked. Oh no. Was he going to end this? I couldn’t read the expression on his face.

He reached out to hold both of my hands in his and gazed into my eyes.

“I know I told you that I didn’t want to be in a committed relationship. But then I realized that . . . I want you. I want you so much I can barely think about anything else. I want you in my family. I’m in love with you, Blair. I love you.”

My hands started shaking and I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

“Really?” That seemed to be the only word my mouth could form.

“Really. You’re beautiful. And you’re so good with Drake and he adores you. I think that was what made me fall for you first. Seeing you with him.” Hadn’t I cried enough today? The tears started again and Declan wiped them away with his hands.

“This is not good timing, I’m aware,” he said.

“No, it’s terrible timing,” I said, laughing. “But I love you too. I’ve been avoiding you this week because I didn’t want to tell you.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” I said nodding and he kissed me and I tasted my tears and his mouth and the timing wasn’t right, but this was right. Us. Together.

He broke the kiss and smiled so brilliantly it made me cry harder.

“I’m so happy and I shouldn’t be,” I said.

“No, love. You have every right to be happy.” He held me close and I remembered the letter.

“Oh, I wrote you a letter. I was going to give it to you next week. But I guess that doesn’t matter now.” I let go of him and got my purse out and handed him the letter.

He read it right away, his eyes bouncing across the page. I watched him take it in, smiling in some parts and serious in others. He read it through twice.

“What do you think?”

His answer to my question was to grab me in his arms and yank me off my feet and kiss the daylights out of me as Raine cheered from the passenger seat of her car.

“So, Drake, what were three things you did today?” I said as Declan filled his son’s plate with chicken, potatoes and broccoli.

“I wrote my name, I petted a puppy and I saw a fire truck. Now you!”

I smiled at his eager face. No matter how many times we did this, he still loved it. Every night.

“Well, I worked with Raine, I had lunch with Daddy and I agreed to move in with you,” I said. We’d only been officially dating a few weeks, but I knew it was right. I was here most of the time anyway. My apartment with Raine had almost become like my office and I spent nearly every night here. It only seemed natural.

“You live here?” Drake asked, his blue eyes huge with surprise.

“Yes, I’m going to live here. Is that okay with you?” He nodded enthusiastically and bounced in his seat.

“Yay! Will you read to me?”

“Yes, I’ll read to you every night. Promise.” I held out my pinky and linked it with his.

“So, Daddy, what were three things you did today?” I asked, leaning toward Declan.

“I got a good grade on my exam, I signed three new clients and I asked your lovely self to move in with me.” I wrinkled my nose at him and he pulled my face close for a kiss. Of course Drake demanded that we kiss him too, so we both got up and attacked him, tickling him and covering him with kisses until he begged us to stop.

My life had changed in just a few months. Raine and I had finally finished our edits and submitted our final draft to our editor. We were well on our way to finishing our dark thriller romance and our agent was enthusiastic about his prospects of selling it.

Raine had accepted that I’d basically moved in with Declan and had started going out with Angie more, and even signed up to take a few night classes at the local college. Still, if I didn’t hear anything from her for more than three hours, I worried she was dead in a ditch somewhere. Besides, she was a frequent guest here, and we’d set up an office of sorts in one of the guest rooms so we could work.

And Declan. Declan, Declan, Declan. My beautiful Brit. He was better than ever and we were so happy it should be illegal. Our lives weren’t perfect, and we argued and made up and tried to figure out how to have a relationship with the addition of a three-year-old who liked to pop into Daddy’s bedroom whenever he pleased.

No, it wasn’t perfect, but that was the point. My family was so concerned with everything being just so, being spotless and shiny and uncomplicated. But it wasn’t real. I found perfection in small moments. In Drake bouncing on the bed, his golden hair flying everywhere. I found it when Declan and I were naked together. I found it in watching the two of them interact when they didn’t know they were being watched. This was the family I wanted.

This was my version of perfect.

The Noctalis Chronicles

Nocturnal

Nightmare

Neither

Neverend

The Whisper Trilogy

Whisper

Fall and Rise

Deeper We Fall

Faster We Burn

Slowly We Trust

Available Through Harlequin

My Favorite Mistake

My Sweetest Escape

For Real

Deep Surrendering

Surrender Saga

Sweet Surrendering

Surrendering to Us

Coming soon:

Dark Surrendering

This was one of those special books that doesn’t come around very often and I’m so excited that I had my awesome team around me once again. To my editor, formatter, cover designer and everyone who read drafts and told me how much they liked it, THANK YOU. It’s one thing when I know I love a book, but it’s another when other people like it too. Thanks also go to my family and friends for putting up with me ditching them to hang out with Blair and Declan (insert swoon here). To the beautiful girl who I found on Pinterest who inspired Blair, you rock and you’re a total badass. To tall British men for being tall and British. Keep on keeping on. Oh, and you. If you’re reading this. Do people really read these things? I hope so.

Chelsea M. Cameron is a YA/NA and Adult New York Times/USA Today Best Selling author from Maine. Lover of things random and ridiculous, Jane Austen/Charlotte and Emily Bronte Fangirl, red velvet cake enthusiast, obsessive tea drinker, vegetarian, former cheerleader and world's worst video gamer. When not writing, she enjoys watching infomercials, singing in the car and tweeting. She has a degree in journalism from the University of Maine, Orono that she promptly abandoned to write about the people in her own head. More often than not, these people turn out to be just as weird as she is.

Find Chelsea online
chelseamcameron.com

Twitter: @chel_c_cam

Facebook: Chelsea M. Cameron (Official Author Page)