Bound to You: Requiem
Author: Jamie McGuire
Date: 2011-06-07 04:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Paranormal; Romance; Angels; Fantasy; Young Adult; Paranormal Romance; New Adult; Supernatural; Demons; Urban Fantasy
Description: Die dramatische Fortsetzung von Jamie McGuires "Bound to You"-Trilogie: Nina und Jared haben sich für ein gemeinsames Leben und für ihre Liebe entschieden. Doch ihr Glück wird von dunklen Vorzeichen überschattet.Nachdem Nina im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes durch die Hölle gegangen ist, sehnt sie sich nun nach einem glücklichen Leben an Jareds Seite. Aber wiederkehrende Alpträume vom Tod ihres Vaters rauben ihr den Schlaf, und auch die Leitung der Firma ihres Vaters sowie das schlechte Gewissen Ryan gegenüber machen ihr zu schaffen. Hilflos muss Jared mitansehen, wie Nina einem Zusammenbruch entge
Publisher: Piper ebooks

Also by Jamie McGuire

Beautiful Disaster

Walking Disaster

Red Hill

Providence Trilogy

Providence

Requiem

Eden

Jamie McGuire

Providence Trilogy

Jamie McGuire

Kindle Edition

Providence

Copyright © 2010 by Jamie McGuire

Requiem

Copyright © 2011 by Jamie McGuire

Eden

Copyright © 2012 by Jamie McGuire

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Amazon.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Edited by Theresa Wegand

Providence Trilogy Table of Contents

Providence

Requiem

Eden

About the Author

Providence

For Beth, who gave Providence its wings, and for Mom, who provided the wind for it to fly.

Providence (Book One) Table of Contents

The following is the table of contents for Providence (Book One only).

To return to main table of contents for the Providence Trilogy, click here.

Chapter 1 Loss and Found

Chapter 2 Invitation(s)

Chapter 3 Suspicion(s)

Chapter 4 The Ring

Chapter 5 Disclosure

Chapter 6 Truth(s)

Chapter 7 Caught

Chapter 8 Purgatory

Chapter 9 Healing

Chapter 10 Fate

Chapter 11 The Hunt

Chapter 12 Eli

Chapter 13 Guilty

Chapter 14 Five Days

Chapter 15 The Last Supper

Chapter 16 The Arrangement

Chapter 17 Absolution

Chapter 18 Shax

Chapter 19 Saving Grace

Epilogue

1. Loss and Found

The average daughter respects her father. She might regard him as her hero, or she may place him so high on a pedestal that no object of her affection could ever compare. To me, my father deserved more than respect or loyalty or even love. I had a reverence for him. He was more than Superman; he was God.

One of my earliest memories was of two men cowering in my father’s office as he spoke words I didn’t understand. His verdict was always final and never argued with. Not even death could touch him.

When I answered my phone on December 14th, my reality came to an end.

“Nina.” My mother sighed. “He doesn’t have much time. You should come now.”

I set the phone beside me on the bed, careful to keep my hands from trembling so much that it would tumble to the floor. The past few weeks had been an alternate universe for me, as I had been faced with one horrible call after another. The first was from a nurse at the hospital, informing me of my father’s car accident. My number was the most recently dialed on his cell phone, leaving me with the horrifying task of being the one to break the news to my mother. In his last days, when reports of no improvement were replaced with gentle suggestions to prepare for the inevitable, I was thankful to be at the receiving end of the phone calls.

It felt strange to walk across the room and grab my coat and keys. The tasks seemed too mundane to begin the journey to say good-bye to my father. I lamented the ordinary life that seemed so long ago as I walked out to my car and turned the ignition key.

My father had risen to the top of the shipping industry by ruling with an iron fist, but I knew the gentle side of him, the man who left important meetings to take my trivial phone calls, kissed my scrapes, and rewrote fairytales so that the princess always saved the prince. Now he lay helpless in his bed, fading away in the vast bedroom he shared with my mother.

Our housekeeper, Agatha, greeted me at the front door. “Your mother’s expecting you, love. You best get upstairs.”

Agatha took my coat, and then I climbed the stairs, feeling the bile rise higher in my throat with every step.

His private nurse brushed past me as I entered the room, and I winced at the sight of him. His face was sallow with a thin sheen of perspiration, and his usually clean-shaven jaw was darkened with whiskers that crowded his parched lips. My mother spoke soft comforting words to him as his chest heaved with every labored breath. The muted beeps and humming of the pumps and monitors were the background music to my worst nightmare.

Like the other times I’d visited my father since his accident, my legs transformed into deep-seated roots that tunneled through my shoes and plunged into the wooden floor. I couldn’t go forward or retreat.

My mother looked up with weary heartbreak in her eyes. “Nina,” she called. “Come, dear.”

Her hand lifted to summon me forward, but my feet wouldn’t move. She sighed in understanding and walked toward me, her arm still reaching out in front of her. I couldn’t take my eyes off of my father’s feeble attempts to breathe as she cupped her fingers around each of my shoulders and eased me forward. After a few reluctant steps, I stopped again.

“I know,” she whispered.

Peeling my shoes from the floor, I let her guide me to his bedside. My first instinct was to help him, but the only thing left to do was to wait for his suffering to end.

“Jack, darling,” my mother said in a soothing tone. “Nina’s here.”

After watching him struggle for sufficient breath, I leaned down to whisper in his ear. “I’m here, Daddy.”

His breath skipped a bit and he mumbled inaudibly.

“Don’t try to talk. Just rest.” My shaking fingers reached out to his hand. “I’m going to stay with you.”

“Cynthia?” My father’s attorney and friend, Thomas Rosen, called to my mother from the back corner of the room. With a pained expression, she glanced at my father, clutched me to her chest for a moment, and then quietly walked to Thomas’ side. Their voices became a stream of humming no louder than the machines attached to my father.

He sucked in another breath while I tenderly swept his salt and pepper hair away from his moist brow. “Neen . . .” He swallowed. “Nina.”

My eyes wandered to my mother, who was in silent conversation, searching her face one last time for a sign of hope. Seeing the sorrow in her eyes, I looked back to my father and prepared to say good-bye.

“Daddy,” I began, but words failed me. My eyes closed as the urge to ease his suffering grew insistent. A faltering breath escaped from my chest and I started again. “I should tell you that it’s okay, that you don’t have to stay for me, but I can’t.”

His breathing slowed. He was listening to me.

“I don’t want be the one to let you go, Daddy. I want you to get better, but I know that you’re tired. So if you want to sleep, I’ll be okay.” The corners of his mouth shook as they attempted to turn up.

My mouth smiled as my face crumpled around it. “I’ll miss you, Daddy. I’m going to miss youso much.” I sucked in another breath, and he did the same, but his was different this time. He had no more fight left in him.

I glanced back to my mother, who watched me with heavy, wet eyes. He took in another deep breath and slowly exhaled. His life slipped away as the last bit of oxygen left his lungs. The sound reminded me of a tire losing air, slow and level until there was nothing left. His body relaxed, and his eyes became vacant and unfocused.

The nurse silenced the solid tone of the heart monitor while I scanned his peaceful face. The realization that my father was gone washed over me in waves. My insides wrenched, and my arms and legs felt foreign, as if they no longer belonged to me. I nodded and smiled, ignoring the tears that spilled over my cheeks. He trusted my words, and so he let go.

Thomas touched my shoulder and moved to the head of the bed. He reached over to place his hands over my father’s eyes and whispered something beautiful in Hebrew. I leaned over my father’s chest and hugged him. For the first time in my life, he didn’t hug me back.

~*~

Looking down into my hands, I scanned the obituary from the funeral. Separated by a dash, the dates of my father’s birth and death were displayed in elegant font on the front cover. I grimaced with the recognition that such a short line of ink was meant to signify his life.

The paper fit snugly in the inside pocket of my coat just as the wet sloshing of bus tires approached, slowing to a stop in front of me.

The door opened, but I didn’t look up. The sounds of commuters stepping out onto the sidewalk never came. My neighbors had little need for public transportation, specifically so late in the evening. Those who used it at all were the hired service employees who worked in the colossal residences nearby.

“Miss?”

The bus driver cleared his throat to get my attention, and when I failed to acknowledge him, the door swept shut. The air breaks released, and the bus slowly pulled away from the curb. I tried not to think about the day that had just taken place, but my memory became saturated with it.

Just as I did in childhood, I rocked back and forth to comfort myself. The warm peach hue had long since left my fingers, reminding me of my father’s folded hands as he lay in his coffin.

A frigid breath of air flooded my lungs, and my chest heaved, giving way to the sob that had been clawing its way to the surface. I had thought moments before that my eyes couldn’t cry anymore, and I wondered how much more I would have to endure before my body would finally be too exhausted to continue.

“Cold night, huh?”

I sniffed and shot an annoyed glance at the man settling into the space next to me. I hadn’t heard him approach. He breathed on his hands, rubbed them together, and then offered a reassuring grin.

“I guess,” I answered.

He looked down at his watch and sighed. “Damn it,” he muttered under his breath. “Guess we missed the last bus.”

He pulled a cell phone from the pocket of his black motorcycle jacket and dialed. He greeted someone and then requested a taxi.

“Do you want to share a cab?” he asked.

I peered over at him, immediately suspicious. His blue-gray eyes narrowed as he raised one eyebrow at my expression. I must have looked like a maniac, and he was reconsidering his offer.

I folded my arms, suddenly feeling the discomfort of winter breaking through my coat, seeping into my skin, piercing through to my bones. I had to get back to school; I still had a paper to write.

“Yes. Thank you,” I said with a shaky voice.

After an awkward moment of silence, the man spoke again. “You work around here?”

“No.” I hesitated to continue the conversation but found myself curious. “You?”

“Yes.”

How odd. He didn’t look like hired help. I glanced at his watch out of the corner of my eye. He was definitely not help.

“What do you do?”

He didn’t answer right away. “I’m involved in the home security sector.” He nodded, seeming to agree with himself.

“I’m a student,” I offered, trying to clear the ridiculous quivering in my voice.

He stared at me with an expression I couldn’t quite decipher and then looked forward again. He was older than I, though not by more than five or six years. I wondered if he knew who I was. There was a glimmer of familiarity in his eyes, though I couldn’t quite place it.

His cell phone vibrated, and he opened it to read a text message. He attempted to hide an emotion, snapped the phone closed without replying, and didn’t speak again until the cab arrived.

He opened the door for me, and I scooted over to the farthest end of the seat while he slid in behind the driver.

“Where to?” the cabbie asked in a throaty voice.

“Brown University,” I instructed. “Please.”

“Uh huh. One stop?”

“No,” my unanticipated companion said.

I noted that he was careful not to mention his address, and that struck me as odd. Maybe it wasn’t odd at all; maybe I was more curious about him than I would have liked to admit. I was surprised that I had noticed anything at the moment and found myself grateful to this stranger for the diversion he’d inadvertently created for me.

“I’m Jared by the way,” he grinned, holding his hand out to take mine.

“Nina.”

“Wow, your hands are freezing!” he said, clasping his other hand over mine.

I pulled my hand away, noting his exceptionally warm grip. I watched him for a moment, listening to any inner voices that might have sensed danger, but the only feeling that stood out was curiosity.

With the realization of his offense, he apologized with a small smile. I tucked my hair behind my ears and stared out the window. The wind whipped around outside, blowing the collecting flakes across the road like white snakes slithering ahead. I shivered at the image and pulled my coat tighter around me.

“Brown, huh?” Jared asked. His cell phone vibrated in his pocket, and he flipped it open once again.

I nodded. “Brown.” He continued to look at me, so I offered more. “Business major.”

The residual frustration from the unwanted caller melted away once our eyes met. It seemed as if he’d just noticed I’d been crying.

“Are you all right?”

I looked down, picking at my nails. “We buried my father today.” It occurred to me that I had no idea why I was sharing such personal information with a stranger.

“You were close,” Jared said. It was more of a statement than a question.

I waited for the expected pity in his eyes, but there was none. My relief caused me to smile, which in turn made a grin turn up one side of his mouth. I noticed then that he had a nice face. It was more than nice, now that it had come to my attention. He was quite attractive, really.

“Where’s your place?” The cabbie squawked.

I peeled my eyes from Jared and pointed in the direction of my dorm. “East Andrews Hall.”

The cab pulled in, and Jared automatically stepped out. As soon as his door had shut, mine opened.

“Thank you,” I said.

“It was nice to meet you, Nina.” There was an edge to his words. It went beyond politeness or even sincerity. He spoke the words with conviction.

I nodded and sidestepped toward my dorm. He paused before getting into the cab to smile at me once more, and for the first time in weeks, I felt something other than hollow. I watched the cab pull away and then turned against the wind to walk toward Andrews.

Once inside my room, I noticed my appearance in the mirror and gasped. Good God, it was no wonder that Jared felt compelled to come to my aid! I looked like a homeless, desperate crack addict overdue for my next fix! My brush ripped through my blond bob, and I pulled my bangs straight back, pinning them away from my face. I went to the sink and scrubbed away the smeared mascara and streaky foundation.

With a frown, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and pressed the speed dial to call my mother.

“Nina?” she answered.

“Back in my room, Mom.”

She sighed. “Good. You know I don’t like it when you take the bus. Robert could have driven you. Take two of those pills I gave you today, all right? They’ll help you sleep.”

I rolled my eyes. My mother: the frequent flier of Providence drug stores.

“I’ll probably fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow.” It wasn’t the pure truth, but it would do to keep my personal pharmacist at bay.

“Okay, darling, sleep well.”

My dorm room seemed smaller. The white walls were pitifully empty on my side. Feeling I was being watched, I peeked across the room at my roommate. Her side of the room was covered in posters of teddy bears and team colors. My decor consisted of an ornamental frame on my night table, displaying a picture of my parents and me at high school graduation just a few months before.

“How’s your mom?” Beth asked from under her baby pink comforter.

“She’s . . . sad.”

“How are you?”

“The same.” I sighed. My conclusive tone seemed to relax Beth, and while I changed into my pajamas, I noticed her breathing even out.

I sat on my bed and pulled myself against the pillows. My thoughts effortlessly moved toward the last hour. Jared’s grin kept my mind occupied for a while, but before long, my thoughts brought me back to the funeral. I rolled onto my side and curled into a ball, trying to cry quietly. Relief finally replaced the crushing grief as I slipped out of consciousness.

~*~

I turned to the side and my eyes blinked as I noted the large, red numbers on the clock. Five a.m. had come quickly. My eyes felt swollen and scratchy. It was then that I realized my dreams had been cruel. There would be no miracles, and my father was still gone.

The finale of the worst experience of my life hadn’t ended with closure.

I clambered from my bed and opened my laptop, determined to finish my term paper by eight. The screen lit up, and I peered over at Beth, her head buried under her pillow. My fingers tapped out the next cross-reference and soon began a muted symphony of clicking against the keyboard.

The paragraphs formed swiftly, and I finished by a quarter after seven. With a click of the mouse, the printer lurched and buzzed with its new task. I looked over at Beth, knowing a newspaper press wouldn’t wake her. I gathered my toiletries to make my daily commute down the hall to the showers.

Red-faced and sufficiently exfoliated, I tightened my robe and walked down the hall. While I brushed my teeth over the quaint sink in our room, Beth sat up in bed and stretched out her arms. Her chin-length auburn hair was smashed in some places, and stuck out in others.

“Good morning,” she chirped. Then reality set in. “Oh, I mean . . .”

“It’s okay, Beth. It is a nice morning.” Glancing out the window, I noticed the sky was looking bleaker from the onset, but I wasn’t going to mention that.

Beth smiled and began making her bed, setting her stuffed animals haphazardly in front of her frilly pillow.

“Are you going to the game Saturday?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

She usually invited me to go and at times insisted I go, always in her cheery, pleasant voice. Beth hailed from the South. She worked hard and had been awarded numerous scholarships to make her escape from the small Oklahoma town she called home. Her side of the room was covered in trophies, sashes, and crowns from the numerous pageants she’d entered and won. She wasn’t the typical beauty queen. Although beautiful, she seemed introverted—a trait she was trying desperately to break away from. She explained to me the day we moved in that the pageants were a necessary evil for tuition.

“Well, I’ll give you a break this week if you decide to opt out. I’d understand with finals and . . . everything else,” she conceded without looking in my direction.

“I appreciate it.”

I pulled my hair back into a small burst of ponytail at the nape of my neck; it looked like a bouquet of wheat shooting out from the back of my head. I sighed at my closet and gave myself a pep talk before dressing in the inevitable layers one after another: bra, tank top, undershirt, sweater, socks, jeans, boots, and coat—not always in that order.

With my backpack bursting at the seams, I pulled up the handle and angled the bag onto its wheels.

“I’m going early for coffee.”

Beth smiled as she booted up her laptop. “Good luck getting that thing across the ice.”

I stepped out of the elevator into the hallway, wondering if Beth was right about the weather. I held my breath and pushed the door open, waiting for the freezing temperature to sting my face. The wind blew the heavy glass door against me, working against the already pitiful pressure I had managed with one hand. Using my arm and shoulder, I forced the door open and gasped at the frigid burst of air burning my face.

I stumbled into the dining hall the student populace affectionately and appropriately dubbed “The Ratty” and brushed off my coat. Shuffling across the muted tile floor, I made a beeline for the coffee pot. I filled my travel mug almost to the brim and mixed in my favorite hazelnut creamer and two packets of Splenda.

“That stuff is death in a package, you know,” Kim said from behind me.

“You sound like my mother,” I grumbled.

“I’m surprised you came today. It sucks that your dad died during finals.”

Kim was never one for holding back or mincing words. I usually found it refreshing, but I hadn’t had time to brace myself before the words left her lips, and my ribs wrenched in response.

“Yeah.”

Kim watched me for a moment and then shoved a blueberry corn muffin at my face. “Breakfast?”

I shook my head, uncrossing my eyes from looking at the muffin. “No, thanks. I need to get to class.”

“I’ll walk with you,” she said, pulling the muffin back.

Kim pulled a faded, red plaid hunter’s cap complete with ear flaps over her short brown hair. If I thought I could laugh, I would have.

“Oh, Kim,” I said, attempting to make my voice sound cautious.

“What?” she asked, stopping in her tracks.

“Nothing,” I shook my head, deciding to leave it alone.

If any hat could be made for Kim, it was the ridiculous atrocity she’d placed on her head. Kim was above average in height, a head taller than my five feet, seven inches. Her short, caramel-colored hair framed her face in carefree waves. As crazy and unpredictable as she was, people were drawn to her. I knew we would be friends the moment I met her in the hallway of Andrews; I couldn’t fathom having someone more interesting in my life.

Kim walked with me across campus to class, keeping my mind from more somber thoughts by regaling me with her most recent week of fantastic mishaps and blunders. She never failed to entertain me with her unbridled honesty and lack of brain-to-mouth filter.

Once in class, Kim leaned toward me and kept her voice low. “So, the funeral . . .”

I squirmed in my seat. “I don’t really want to . . .”

“Oh, right. Yeah. So . . . it was yesterday?” Unlike Beth, Kim didn’t avoid unpleasantness. At times she seemed to slam face first into it with a smile on her face.

“Yes.” I sighed. “It was very nice.”

“Very nice,” Kim echoed, nodding. “I tried to call you last night. You didn’t answer.”

“I didn’t get in until late. I missed the last bus and ended up taking a cab.”

Kim eyed me with disbelief. “The last bus? I didn’t know public transportation had a curfew.” I considered that for a moment before she continued. “Why didn’t you drive? Your mother picked you up, didn’t she?”

“I ended up sharing a cab.”

“With your mom?”

“No, Kim, not with my mom,” I deadpanned. “I met a man at the bus stop. We both missed the bus.” I didn’t confess that I’d had a momentary conscious blackout and let the bus pull away.

“You shared a cab with some random guy at the bus stop? Interesting.”

“Not everyone’s stories end with a dramatic punch line like yours. We just shared a cab,” I said, trying to make my answer sound final.

“Was he old?”

I rolled my eyes. “No.”

“Ugly?”

“No, Kim. He was nice.”

“I didn’t ask if he was nice. So he was cute, young, and. ..?”

“Jack’s funeral was yesterday, Kim. I was a mess,” I said, feeling my eyebrows pull together.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” I asked, exasperated.

“Call your dad ‘Jack’? I thought you were close?”

“We are. We were. I don’t know . . . because that’s his name?” Kim stared at me, unimpressed with my answer. I began again. “It’s always felt weird calling him ‘Dad’ to other people, just as I wouldn’t call a boyfriend ‘Honey’ to you. It’s just . . . personal.”

“That’s weird, Nina.”

“Well, you are the authority on weird.”

Kim nodded, unaffected by my insult. “So who was the mystery guy? Does he go here?”

“I don’t think so. His stop was after mine,” I murmured, rolling my pen between my fingers.

Because my stop was first, I was curious if he lived near the university and if I might run into him again. I cringed at the thought of that prospect. What would I possibly say to him? Hi, Jared.Remember me? The Alice Cooper look-alike you shared an awkward cab ride with for twenty minutes?

“What’s with the face?” Kim’s expression screwed in a way I could only assume mirrored my own.

“Nothing. I just . . .” I shrugged. “He probably thought I was nuts.”

“That could possibly be the most boring story I’ve ever heard,” Kim said, deflated.

“I tried to spare you the non-details. He did have a cute smile, though,” I mused.

Kim looked up at me with renewed interest and opened her mouth to say something, but Professor Hunter walked in the room. I hadn’t noticed the numerous empty seats. Some of the students were tossing their papers on his desk and leaving the way they came instead of meandering to their seats as usual.

“What are you still doing here? Turn in your papers and get out. Your grades will be posted on the website. Happy Holidays,” he said to those of us still peppered across the room.

~*~

As finals week came to an end, the nightly ritual of curling into a ball to cry seemed to be a permanent fixture in my life. The first week of break, I had a bit more control over the emptiness when it hit. After that, there were a few nights I escaped the sadness altogether. The grief found new strength Christmas night, but to my relief, falling asleep without tears became a bit easier after the holidays came to a close.

I found it disconcerting that, although time provided some relief, I was further from when Jack was a part of my life. Each passing day was that much longer since I’d been able to call him or hear his voice. With time, relief and apprehension intertwined.

When the spring semester began, Jared had become a blurred image from a day I wanted to file away, so it was a surprise to see him standing a few feet away from me in line at the Urban Outfitters off campus. I wasn’t confident that it was him at first, but when he accepted his receipt from the sales person and turned, I stared at him long enough to be certain. He didn’t suffer from the same hesitation that I did.

“Nina?”

I felt my eyebrows rise while I tried to think of something besides “yes” to reply with. My mouth opened, but nothing came out.

He pointed at his chest as if he were speaking to a deaf mute. “I’m Jared. We shared a cab?” He patiently waited for me to recall his face, and I realized I hadn’t forgotten an inch of it.

“I thought that was you,” I said, trying a polite smile. Something was wrong with my throat. It felt dry, as if I were drowning in my own saliva at the same time. I swallowed hard and tried to remember how not to be a ridiculous teenage undergrad.

Jared’s expression skipped from relief to elation as a broad smile appeared across his face. A warm feeling bubbled up from my chest into my face, and I felt the heat release from my cheeks.

Oh, God, don’t blush! It was too late. I had no idea how to recover.

“You seem to be having a better day. Made it to the bus on time and all that?”

“Something like that,” I mumbled. “How is the security business?”

“Interesting.” A glimmer touched his eyes that I wasn’t quite sure how to translate.

Our attention was simultaneously drawn to the phone vibrating in his jacket pocket. He smiled apologetically before reaching down to silence the distraction.

“Did you have a pleasant Christmas?” I tried not to cringe once the words left my mouth. Ugh. So unimaginative.

“Something like that.”

I smiled at his teasing. He seemed so comfortable around me. I wasn’t sure if it was confidence or if he was just one of those people who could carry on a conversation with anyone and make him feel as if he’d known him for years.

I raised the silver sweater tunic in my hands. “Birthday shopping for my mother.”

A man behind me cleared his throat, and I realized that we were holding up the line. Jared smiled and took a step backward toward the register. I realized our conversation wasn’t over, and I turned my attention to the red-haired girl behind the counter, trying to conceal my enthusiasm.

She handed me the receipt, and Jared accompanied me outside. He stared down into my eyes, warmly scanning my face. I didn’t remember him being quite so tall. He towered over me, at least six feet two inches. How had I not noticed the incredible color of his eyes? They seemed to glow as he watched me fidget.

“Are you from Providence?” I asked.

“I am,” he said, seeming amused by my awkwardness.

“Did you go to Brown?”

“No.”

If his eyes weren’t so animated by the conversation, I would have guessed by his short answers that it was my cue to excuse myself with my tail tucked between my legs.

“Really? I’m trying to place you. It seems as if we’ve met before.” Did I just issue him a pick up line? Fantastic. I’ve now sunk to the level of desperate teenage boys everywhere.

“I don’t think so. That’s not something I would forget,” he said. “I was just going to grab a bite to eat at the end of the block. Would you join me?”

I thought I had said “yes,” but he continued to stare at me expectantly.

“Nina?”

“Yes? I mean, yes. That would be great.” I tried to smile through my humiliation and wondered if I was always so articulately clumsy. I couldn’t imagine why he was still speaking to me.

We walked to the end of the block to cross the street at the light. Jared guided me forward with his hand on the small of my back and looked all around us as we crossed. I stifled a giggle; he reminded me of the president’s security detail. The only thing missing was a communication device in his ear and standard issue black Ray-Bans.

Jared opened the door for me. I had seen the restaurant several times, with it being close to campus, but I’d never ventured in.

“You’ll like it,” he assured me. I paused in thought, wondering if I’d said anything out loud.

“Welcome to Blaze,” the hostess said, motioning to us that she could seat us immediately. The waitress appeared a few moments later, and Jared waited for me to order.

“I’ll have a Dr. Pepper.”

“Make that two,” Jared said, raising two fingers. His eyes didn’t stray from mine.

The waitress nodded and left us to each other. I was curious if he would have ordered a beer had he not asked a toddler to accompany him.

“I don’t think I thanked you for getting me home.”

“Actually, you did,” he said, putting his elbows on the table and crossing his arms.

“Oh. That night is sort of a blur.” I grimaced.

“I’m sorry you lost your dad, Nina. I’m glad I was there.”

I tucked my hair behind my ears. “I’m glad you were there, too.”

“It probably wasn’t the safest idea, sitting alone in the dark—lots of crazies out there.” His tone was casual, but underneath I caught a hint of anxiousness.

“I grew up in that neighborhood. It’s safe, I assure you.”

He laughed and shook his head. “It’s always safe until something bad happens.”

The waitress brought our drinks and asked if we were ready to order. Once again, Jared waited for me to begin.

“I’ll have the Greek salad,” I said. I glanced over at Jared, who studied me with raised eyebrows and a wry smile. I wasn’t about to be one of those girls. “And the linguine.”

The waitress turned her attention to Jared. “For you?”

“I’ll have the house salad with blue cheese and the shrimp scampi. And would you bring us some of those sweet potato fries, please?” he said, handing the menu to the waitress. Once she left, I looked around the restaurant and then peeked over at Jared, who still hadn’t taken his eyes off me.

I floundered for conversation under his stare. Jared’s eyes were an incredible blue-gray; they almost glowed against his lightly bronzed skin. His thick brown eyebrows sat atop his almond-shaped eyes and were just slightly darker than his strategically messy dark blond hair. His natural highlights glimmered in the early afternoon sun that broke through the windows. He was clearly more than just attractive. I wondered again why he was still speaking to me.

“Sweet potato fries?” I asked.

“They’re famous. Well, they’re famous to me. You have to dip them in these little sauces they give you to fully appreciate them. It’s an experience.”

“Sweet potato fries,” I said, still unsure.

He smiled. “Trust me.” His cell phone vibrated, and he flipped it open. It was more than a text message this time; he masked an irritated look and pressed it to his ear.

“Ryel,” he answered.

Righ-el? I was fairly sure that was his last name, but I couldn’t be certain. He lowered his voice and tilted his head away from me. He was unhappy with the caller, but it was only the tone I could understand; he was speaking in what I guessed to be Russian. He was devastatingly handsome, kind, and spoke a second language. If the sweet potato fries turned out to be all that he’d promised, I might fall out of my chair.

He became impatient with the person on the other end of the line and hung up the phone.

“Sorry about that,” he said.

I shook my head, fielding his apology. “No, it’s fine. I just inadvertently learned two new things about you.”

His eyes were still focused on mine, but they were a bit fogged over as if his attention was divided between me and the problem with the caller.

“Ryel?” I asked.

“My last name.”

“And was that Russian you were speaking?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Yes.” His shoulders relaxed as he exhaled. “Doesn’t everyone speak a second language these days?”

“You only speak two?” I said, feigning dissatisfaction.

He laughed, and a new twinge formed in my chest. I couldn’t get over his smile and how remarkable it was, as if he had come straight out of a magazine.

“I took French in high school. It didn’t stick,” I said, feeling inferior.

“My dad spoke fluently. I learned from him.”

“Oh, your family is from Russia?”

“Er, no,” Jared said, looking uncomfortable with the question.

“It was beautiful,” I said. “You’re very popular. Business must be fantastic.”

His eyes tightened as he studied my face. “Business is”—his eyes softened and he leaned in a bit towards me, meeting my gaze—“better than it’s been in a long time.”

I forced myself to breathe. It felt unnatural when he looked at me like that. “So you enjoy what you do?”

“Some days more than others.” He shrugged.

“And today?”

He smiled again. Something was amusing him about our conversation, and I wasn’t in on the joke. “Today’s a good day.”

My attention was diverted to the waitress walking up behind him, bringing our sweet potato fries and salads. Jared looked down at the table and then to me with a calculating grin.

“Feeling brave?”

I leaned over to get a better look inside the woven bowl. “You’re making me awfully nervous over a basket of fries. These should be some earth-shattering potatoes.”

“Truly, potatoes that deserve an introduction.” We both laughed. He picked up a few and dipped them in a cup of strange-looking goo.

“No ketchup?” I asked, eyeing the misshapen spear in my hand.

Jared wrinkled his nose. “Ketchup is for those who don’t want to taste their food.”

“Ketchup is for suckers.” I concentrated on the basket, my eyebrows pressed together.

Laughter erupted from his throat, and I plunged my fry into the sauce. He took a bite and watched me raise my hand to my mouth. His expression grew playfully anxious as I chewed.

“Not bad. Pretty good, actually,” I said, nodding as I swallowed.

His face was triumphant. We joked and laughed as we eliminated the remaining fries, and politely discussed the weather through our salads. After we finished our entrées, he eyed my empty plate and nodded his head in satisfaction. “I like a girl with an appetite.”

“I have a feeling we’ll be good friends, then.” I laughed. “That’s the first non-Ratty meal I’ve eaten since I’ve been back to school. Thanks for bringing me here.”

Jared beamed. “It was absolutely my pleasure. I’m glad we ran into each other.”

The waitress brought the ticket, and Jared scooped it up, placed his card in the pouch, and handed it back to her. He looked as if he’d just won the lottery. I couldn’t believe that my enjoyment of some alternately flavored French fries had made him so cheerful.

He helped me with my coat. I wasn’t the type of girl to enjoy gallantry, but the casual way he went about it made me a tad giddy. I picked up my Urban Outfitters bag, and he followed me outside.

“You walked?” Jared asked.

“I walked.” I tucked my hair behind my ears and waited for him to be chivalrous again.

“It’s getting colder. Do you mind if I drive you?” he asked, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets.

The grin that swept across my face was uncontainable. “Do you remember where I live?”

“Andrews, right?” he said. I nodded, and he seemed pleased that he could give me the correct answer. “I’m this way,” he said, directing me down the street.

Jared parked beside the curb next to my dorm, and I subliminally willed him to ask for my number, for another date, anything. I didn’t want to have to wait so long this time before I saw him again.

“Thanks again,” I said, stalling.

He smiled, but it wasn’t as broad as it was during lunch. He seemed to be as disappointed as I was that our brief encounter was over.

“You’re welcome. Truly, the pleasure was mine.”

He stepped out and, less than a second later, opened my door. I stood to face him and, after a small pause, began making the walk to my dorm. A sense of urgency overcame my nervousness, and I turned on my heels.

He hadn’t moved. Standing in front of his black Escalade, he looked exactly like a security guard. The glass was blacked out, and it looked more like a scene in the Middle East than on a quiet Providence street.

“Jared?” I pulled my cell phone from my purse to ask for his number, but the words left me. I gulped as his eyes pierced through mine. I didn’t know if the attraction was mutual, but on my end at least, it was intense.

“We’ll run into each other again,” he said, grinning. I started to argue, but what could I say? If I wondered aloud how soon that would be, I would sound more desperate than I wanted.

“It was good to see you again, Nina,” he said, before disappearing behind the dark tint of his windows.

I smiled and waved then continued my trek to Andrews.

2. Invitation(s)

“It’s raining again,” Kim grumbled. “That’s something new and different.” She lit her cigarette and jostled her knees back and forth to ward off the cold. I gave her a disapproving look. “What?” she asked.

“That’s really disgusting. My father smoked cigars. I just don’t get the appeal.”

She shrugged. “There is no appeal. I’m a nonconformist.”

“You’re a masochist,” I said, rolling my eyes.

We waited outside for Beth to finish her class, planning to kidnap her to the nearest coffee shop off campus. A group of students emerged in a mass exodus, and I scanned each face. I noticed a shaggy-haired boy break away from the river of students and smile at Kim.

“Hey, Josh,” Kim said.

“Hey, Kimmie, did you get the Calculus homework finished?”

Kim shrugged. “I’ll do it before class.”

Josh’s friends meandered closer to us and talked among themselves.

“Nina, this is Josh. We went to high school together in Quincy. He wants to be me when he grows up,” Kim teased, playfully punching him in the arm.

Josh laughed and shook my hand. “Only if I get to wear a hat like that.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Josh.”

Josh pointed to each of his friends. “Tucker . . . Chad . . . Ryan.”

Tucker and Chad nodded in typical boy fashion, but Ryan reached his hand out, first to Kim and then to me.

“Hi . . . hi,” he said to each of us. His eyes lingered on me for a moment.

“So we’re going to The Gate later for pizza if you want to come,” Josh said.

“We’ve already made plans with another girlfriend of ours, but maybe next time,” Kim said.

Josh nodded and Chad followed him as he left. Ryan stayed for just a moment and then trailed behind them.

Kim looked at me with her eyebrows raised. “Well. Who says there’s no such thing as love at first sight?”

“Quit it.”

Beth joined us a few moments later.

“It’s about time! Gah!” Kim said in her typical dramatic fashion.

Beth laughed. “Who’s he?” she asked just as Ryan turned to look at us again.

“Ryan. Friend of a friend. Isn’t he dreamy?” Kim said as she nestled against Beth’s shoulder.

“You’re so weird!” Beth giggled, pushing Kim away.

Beth and I huddled under an umbrella while Kim walked in the rain, unaffected. We reached Kim’s elderly Sentra and climbed in, Beth taking the back seat. Kim pretended to say a little prayer and turned the ignition. After a few sickly whirring noises, the engine erupted and Beth clapped.

“Thank you. Thank you,” Kim said, ducking her head in little bows.

We crowded the counter, and Beth and Kim both scanned the menu.

“I’ll have a Grande Café Misto, please.” I heard Kim sigh beside me. Unlike me, she refused to have the same drink twice.

I settled into my chair, cupping my drink with both hands. The wind and rain had picked up and was intermittently beating against the large glass window. Just as Beth sat beside me, the bell above the door clanged, and I automatically glanced up.

It was him.

Beth noticed me staring past her, and she twisted to see Jared walking to the counter. “Are you okay, Nina?” she asked.

Kim sat down and traded glances with Beth then pivoted in her seat to see what I couldn’t peel my eyes from.

The girl behind the counter cooed. “Well, if it isn’t Jared Ryel. Long time no see. How have you been?”

“Things are good, Katie. I’ll have the usual,” he replied, indifferent to her flirting.

By the time Jared casually turned our way, all three of us were staring at him. I was expecting an uncomfortable expression at our gawking, but he smiled.

“Who is that?” Beth asked, clearly impressed.

“That’s Jared,” Kim said, leaning in and grinning from ear to ear.

“Jared. Who’s J–?” Beth whispered.

“Sssh!” I hissed.

“Nina?” Jared called. I thought I detected uncertainty in his voice.

When his eyes met mine, I immediately felt lost. As usual, Kim saved me.

“You must be Jared,” Kim said with an impish grin.

“I am,” he confirmed, ambling the few feet to our table.

“I’m Kim,” she reached over and took his hand, shaking it vigorously and not at all ladylike.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Jared said, glancing at her briefly before returning his eyes to mine. Confusion draped over his face, and he leaned his head a few inches to the side before speaking to me. “Is everything all right here?”

From my peripheral vision, I could see Beth’s eyebrows press together and her eyes shift to me, confused by Jared’s behavior.

“Everything’s great,” I murmured, setting my cup on the table. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been fine. Am I interrupting?”

Kim’s loud voice rose an octave. “Of course not! Would you like to join us?”

Jared looked at me for a moment, and I smiled at him, waiting. I felt a strange adrenaline rush, afraid he would say yes and terrified he would say no.

He looked back to Kim and hesitated. “I should be going.”

“Couldn’t you stay? Just for a minute?” I asked.

Jared sighed with what sounded like relief. He looked around him and then pulled a chair to our table. I couldn’t contain the excitement I felt, and my mouth instantly spread into a smile.

“How could I say no to that?” he asked. I felt my ears get hot.

“Yes, she’s very persuasive,” Kim said flatly, eyeing me.

I ignored her to introduce both of them properly. “Jared, Kim Pollock. Kim, Jared Ryel. And this is my roommate, Bethany Layne.”

Jared extended his hand across the table and briefly shook Beth’s hand.

She smiled. “It’s just Beth.”

Jared nodded. “Nice to meet you, Beth.”

“So . . . how do you know each other?” Beth asked.

“I got her a cab,” he said, smiling at me.

“He did. The night of Jack’s . . . we shared a cab,” I said, trying to keep the conversation on Jared instead of the circumstances.

“Oh,” Beth said. I could see the confusion on her face. It occurred to me that I would have quite a bit of explaining to do later.

“And we had lunch,” Jared added.

“You did?” Kim asked, turning to me for confirmation.

Jared chuckled. “I can see it was interesting enough to share.”

I fingered the lid of my coffee cup. “He introduced me to that Blaze place on Thayer. It was really good.”

“I think it was the company more than anything,” Jared said, his eyes softening.

“Sounds like you two had a great time,” Beth chirped. She had gotten over the fact that I hadn’t let her in on the news and had become slightly over-enthusiastic.

“We did,” he said, his eyes focused on mine. “It was good to see you again, Nina, but I have to get going.” He stood up and returned the chair to its proper place. I stiffened, wanting to ask him when I would see him again but couldn’t find the courage. I settled for relaying my feelings with a disappointed frown.

To my relief, he noticed. “I’ll see you soon,” he reassured me, amused at my deflated expression.

“Good.” I nodded once.

He strode out just as marvelously as he came in, and I crumpled into the back of my chair. My muscles complained; I hadn’t noticed I was so tense. I sipped my coffee and took a deep, relaxing breath.

I had gone from never knowing he existed to inexplicably running into him. My life was suddenly full of these little miraculous surprises, moments I was finding so much happiness in that I was already wondering when the next one would come.

My friends’ eyes bored into me. I looked up, conscious of their burning curiosity.

“Yes?” I prompted, smiling innocently.

“Oh please, Nigh. Like you’re not swimming in your own freakily potent pheromones right now,” Kim said.

“He’s really cute,” Beth added.

“I guess . . . if you like the type,” I mused, trying to keep my cool.

“If?” Beth cried. “You mean the well-dressed, gorgeous, movie-star type that is polite and interested in you? You mean that type?”

Kim laughed. “You are being ridiculously calm about this, considering while he was here you had the personality of a clam.”

“I did not!”

“She could have shot coffee out of her nose, and he still would have stayed.” Beth giggled.

“He’s not cute. He’s angelic.” I sighed, dwelling on every detail of him.

Kim joined Beth’s giggling, and all three of us erupted in laughter.

Over the next few days, every time I stepped off campus, I watched for him. Beth and I went for coffee more than once, and I was shamefully preoccupied. I would answer when prompted and nod my head in the acceptable places of conversation, but she and I both knew I was anticipating my next moment with Jared.

I couldn’t believe how annoying I’d become over a man I barely knew. I was not one of those girls who became wrapped up in such things, and truth be told I lost patience easily with those who did. When I caught myself searching for him in every store, every restaurant, and coffee shop I frequented, I scolded myself.

Five days of this ridiculous behavior paid off.

The sun disappeared behind the horizon as Beth and I waited by pump four of Eastside Shell gas station. I yawned out of boredom, listening to the pump clicking with every dollar I put in. Beth wrinkled her nose at the smell, and I mirrored her expression.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing. I just love this smell, and you look like you just took a whiff of an Oklahoma pig farm. Bringing back harsh memories?”

“Hilarious.” She looked up and a large grin spread across her face.

“And I thought you were going to be a poor sport,” I said, surprised at her expression.

“Hi, Jared,” Beth said with a smirk.

I flipped around, and there he was, standing on the other side of the pump, looking just as stunned and elated as I felt.

“This is getting spooky,” Jared said.

“Hi to you, too,” I said, letting my delight to see him show.

“How are classes going?” he asked.

“Good. How’s business?” I smiled. I’m getting better at this. Thank God. I finally felt somewhat normal around him.

“It’s a good day,” he said, smiling his incredible smile. It absolutely was. “That’s a nice car,” he gestured with a nod.

“Thanks.”

One of the few grandiose things my father had purchased for me was my white BMW. He had bought it as a graduation present, and aside from the peridot-and-diamond ring he had bought for my sixteenth birthday, it was my most prized possession. Normally I didn’t put much stock in the ostentatious things my father bought, but this was special; it had been given with the proud-father expression that I relished.

“Going somewhere?” I asked.

“Why?” He cocked his head, confused at my question.

“You look like you’re headed to a hot date or something.”

He laughed. “No. No date. How about you? Anyone forcing strange cuisine on you this evening?”

“I don’t do that for just anyone,” I said, raising an eyebrow. I was impressed with how I sounded, so much braver than I felt.

He beamed. “Is that so?”

I pulled my receipt from the gas pump and looked at Beth, who pretended not to watch. He walked over to me, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“How would you like to put that to the test, then?” he asked.

“Is that a challenge, or are you asking me to dinner?” I prompted, looking him square in the eye. I didn’t know where my sudden courage and sass came from, but it was less humiliating than the gaucheness I demonstrated the last two times I had seen him.

“Both.” He smiled and leaned his side against my car, just inches from me. I tried to seem relaxed, although my heart was pounding in my chest over his proximity.

My face twisted into a frown as I realized my dilemma. “I have study group tonight.”

He didn’t look ruffled by my chagrin. “Maybe next time.”

He walked back to his Escalade and left without another word. I flipped around to Beth, and she ducked into the passenger side. The door slammed behind me as I sat next to her.

“What was that?” Beth asked.

“I don’t know.”

Beth’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You passed up a date with him for study group? You’ve wanted to run into him for a week!”

“I can’t just break my plans anytime he asks me out. How would that look?” I insisted, frowning at the thought of him thinking I was that accessible.

Beth shrugged. “Who cares?”

I started my car. “Beth! Be serious. He won’t give me his number.” I shoved my gearshift into drive and pulled forward. “And he just shows up out of nowhere and asks me out.”

“You’re nuts! You like him. He asks you out and you tell him ‘no’? There is something wrong with you, Nina!”

Back at Andrews, I had to deal with it from both sides.

“What is wrong with you?” Kim shrieked.

“Ugh! Not you, too!”

The smugness on Beth’s face radiated throughout the room. “I told you.”

“I have to study. You two are studying tonight,” I reasoned, mostly to myself.

“I wouldn’t if I had a date,” Beth said, crossing her legs on her bed.

“I bet you would if said date asked you ninety minutes before study group,” I rebutted.

“Okay,” Kim said, spreading her arms between us. “Nigh’s right. Prose before bros.”

Beth rolled her eyes as she packed her various study items, and I folded my notes and stuffed them in my coat pocket.

Kim snapped her fingers. “Let’s go, ladies. I don’t want to close The Rock down at 2 a.m. like last time.”

We headed to the John D. Rockefeller library, ducking our heads to hide from the bitter wind. Just as we crossed the street, the snow began to fall in large flakes. The dead grass crinkled under our feet as we cut across to save steps. Beth begged us to drive, but Kim insisted we walk so she could smoke.

Beth hooked her arm around mine. “Brown needs to generate some type of small transportation system to get us from here to there more easily, like a trailer hitched to a four-wheeler.”

“Yes, Oklahoma, let’s hire a hayrack ride. Brown needs culture,” Kim deadpanned.

Beth narrowed her eyes at Kim. “It was just a suggestion. I’m freezing.”

“Don’t listen to Kim; she’s not even wearing a heavy coat,” I said, my teeth beginning to chatter.

“You two are babies, gah!” Kim groaned.

“It does sound like a hay ride,” Beth giggled.

When we arrived, our study group was already waiting on us. Carrie and Tracey—from the basketball team—sat on one couch. On the adjacent couch sat Kim’s friends, Justin and Kristi. Lisa, a pre-med student, barely noticed our arrival, and beside her was someone I recognized right away.

Ryan had a head full of dark hair, and he was barely taller than I. Because his T-shirt was a bit tight, I noticed his athletic build. His baseball cap was pulled low over his eyes, so I could see only his perfect, white smile and a deep dimple on his left cheek. The other girls in the group seemed to appreciate his presence.

“Look at you, being all responsible!” Kim said.

“Josh was going to come, but he ended up going on a date,” Ryan explained, pulling up his cap to display his bright green eyes.

“Hmmm,” Kim hummed, angling her neck so I would get the full effect of her accusing expression.

Beth did the same.

Ryan was suddenly uncomfortable, his eyes darting back and forth between the three of us. “What did I say?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I grumbled, shouldering past Beth.

I sat in the chasm between Ryan and Lisa. While everyone discussed their notes and how confused they were, Ryan turned to me.

“Are you taking Chemistry? Do you get any of this?” he complained.

“What are you having problems with?” I asked.

He smiled. “You’re not having any problems, are you?”

Feeling caught, I smiled and then erased a line toward the top of his paper. I explained his mistake and started writing it down in my own girlie script. “Do you see how I got there?”

Ryan nodded, still unsure. “I see how you got there, getting there on my own is the persistent problem.”

As the night wore on, I erased quite a bit on Ryan’s paper. We had hundreds of tiny shreds of decimated eraser all over us. His patience and humor made the night go much faster; although, I worked on his chemistry and didn’t study the notes I had brought.

“I appreciate your helping me,” Ryan said, folding his paper into his book.

“I’m not sure how much I helped, but you’re welcome. We have study group here twice a week. Come anytime.”

Ryan’s face lit up. “I will. Thanks. Uh, some of us guys are going out for drinks this weekend. It’d be cool if you’d come.”

“I can only get into a handful of places.”

Ryan winked at me. “That won’t be a problem.”

It sounded harmless enough. “That sounds fun. I’ll see what the girls are doing.”

Kim looked at her watch and yawned. “Stick a fork in me. I’m done.”

“Nigh, are you ready?” Beth asked.

“Nigh?” Ryan asked with a raised eyebrow.

I grimaced. “It’s a nickname they came up with to torture me. Don’t call me that.”

“Noted,” he said.

Kim laughed and shook her head at Ryan’s comment. “I’ve got to go.”

Kim and I stood, waiting for Beth to gather her miniature office supply store.

“This is why I don’t bring anything,” Kim said, gesturing to Beth.

“You borrowed my pen!” Beth objected.

“Oh, right,” Kim said, tossing the pen into Beth’s bag. “All packed.”

Beth rolled her eyes and looked at me. “Will you put some tape on her mouth?”

“I don’t think tape would help.” I grinned.

We walked back to Andrews, and Kim waved good-bye, continuing to her room. I collapsed on my bed as Beth gathered her things to head to the showers. As I traced the imperfections of the ceiling with my eyes, my mind drifted to Jared. Not only had I gone from never seeing him to running into him regularly but it was as if I were seeing him at will.

“Ryan asked you out for this weekend?” Beth burst in, towel-drying her hair.

“No. He asked us out for this weekend. I guess some of his friends are going for drinks; he asked us to come along.”

“What did you say?” she asked, suddenly interested.

“I said it sounded like fun.”

“You want to go?” she squealed.

“I guess you do.” I chuckled, rolling my eyes.

“Yes! I do! You wanna go? Please say yes!” she dropped to her knees beside me on my bed.

“I want to go,” I deadpanned.

Beth tackled me. “Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” she cried.

“You’re welcome! Now get off!” I laughed.

~*~

The next day was warmer, a good day to take a walk off-campus. Providence transformed from a beautiful crystalline city of white into the soiled, wet mess the cars and mud quickly created. The pristine snow had become a gray-brown sludge lining the roadways and sidewalks. I happily slipped on my black-and-white fleur-de-lis galoshes and stomped through the slush in hopes of proving my sheer-will theory concerning Jared.

After an hour of walking, the sun no longer kept me warm. I slipped into the first coffee shop I came upon and ordered the largest size offered, thawing by the window.

It occurred to me how ridiculous I had become; walking around in near-arctic temperatures to see if Jared would materialize. I was the future savvy CEO of Providence’s premiere shipping company for the love of all things holy! What kind of crackpot had I turned into? Over a boy? An incredibly attractive, intelligent, courteous, well-dressed, fantastic-smelling boy, but he was just a boy. Man. Boy. They were all boys.

When I felt the blood circulating again in my fingertips, I made my way back to the school. It was closer to sunset than I would have liked so far from campus, so I quickened my pace.

Two blocks from the school, I pressed the button at the light and kept my distance from the corner, fearful of the inevitable splashing of the cars passing by. The light changed, and I trotted across, noting that the warmth from my coffee was waning.

Before I made it to the halfway point of the crosswalk, a car horn blared beside me. I jumped, and my eyes darted to the light. It was still green. I turned to glare at the offending vehicle, but my eyes widened when a black Escalade came into view. Jared waved, quivering from a barrage of laughter.

I wasn’t sure if I was annoyed or euphoric, but the mixture of emotions propelled me to the passenger side of his car. I whipped open his door and climbed in.

“You scared me to death!” I said, slamming the door behind me.

“I’m sorry!” Jared exclaimed, trying to keep the corners of his mouth from turning up.

The light turned green and he looked at me. “You want a ride?”

I stared at him blank-faced. “Seriously? I’m in your car.”

He shrugged and pulled forward.

“You look frozen,” he said, touching the end of my nose. That one tap sent adrenaline running throughout my body, and I felt nothing but warmth. He reached for the knobs under his radio and twisted the heat to its highest setting.

“I went for a walk,” I said, unable to subdue the ridiculous grin on my face.

“I see that,” he frowned, disapproving.

“Where are you on your way to?”

“To pick up a client,” he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Are you always this vague?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re full of piss and vinegar today.”

“May I remind you that you honked at me in the middle of a busy street? I could have been killed.”

“Doubtful. The light was on our side.” I dwelled on how he said ‘our’ for a moment.

“Let’s not discount the possible rabid motorists flying through the wet intersection. My hesitation caused by your honking could have led to some serious sidewalk chalk drawings.”

Jared laughed. “Are you sure you shouldn’t apply for law school? You have quite an imagination.”

“So I’ve been told.” I grinned.

“What are you doing this weekend?”

“I’m having drinks with some friends. I would invite you, but I assume you’ll be there.” I watched for a guilty or stunned expression at my comment, but I was quickly disappointed.

“You’re not old enough to drink.” He grimaced, ignoring my accusation.

I leaned closer to him. “We don’t tell the bartender that,” I whispered.

Jared’s expression twisted into frustration. “Am I going to have to make an appointment with you for dinner?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s called a date.”

He smiled his amazing smile, and I tried not to gasp. It was hard being candid with him when he was so stunning. I felt as if I had car-jacked a film star.

“Would you like my number?” I asked without thinking. A wave of embarrassment washed over me as soon as the words left my mouth.

He didn’t answer right away; instead, he let out a long sigh. I felt the heat rise on my face, starting at my neck and surpassing my eyes until it scorched the roots of my hair.

“I don’t have to give you my number. I just meant . . .”

“Are you all right?” Jared said. He watched me as if he thought I would break down into tears at any moment.

I could only nod as he slowed to a stop behind Andrews. I didn’t dare look at him. I fumbled with the handle and then felt his hand on my arm.

“Nina?” He reached around to cradle my jaw and turned me to face him. “Don’t be upset. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’m sorry. I . . . I think I misunderstood.” I bit my lip, drawing his attention to them.

He leaned in closer; his eyes still focused on my mouth. When he was just a few inches from me, he shook his head and pulled back.

The blood rushed in from every inch of my body, and my feet tingled as the adrenaline rushed through them and then disappeared. I had been wrong. What I had taken to be flirtation or attraction must have been more of a fondness for me. He looked at me as a little sister, and I had made my misconception all too clear.

I opened the door, hopping out into a shallow puddle. The motor of the Escalade still hummed behind me as I pressed the door closed and walked to Andrews, too humiliated to look back.

3. Suspicion(s)

I didn’t leave campus again until Beth, Kim, and I met Ryan and his friends for drinks in a pub downtown. When we arrived, I saw that it was less of a pub and more of a dingy hole in the wall, but it would serve our purpose.

Tucker nodded to the bartender. “Hey, Tozzi.”

Tozzi eyed our group as he dried the inside of a glass and nodded.

We began with a shot and toasted to our mascot, “TO THE BIG BROWN BEAR!”

I lost count of how many drinks I’d had. It was easy to do that with an open tab at the bar and Tucker ordering round after round. My cheeks were beginning to complain from the constant giggling and smiling, so I made fish faces to stretch them out. Ryan squeezed and pulled at my face as he laughed, having far more to drink than I had.

Ryan spoke as quietly as a drunk person was capable, brushing my bangs from my eyes and laughing as if he should be hiccupping tiny bubbles with every word. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” he asked.

“A few times,” I replied.

He grabbed each side of my face and pressed his forehead against mine. “I’m glad you came, Nina. I never have this much fun.”

Beth had just volunteered to call a cab when the door opened and I saw them. Jared walked in with a platinum-blond beauty. She was all of five feet four inches and clearly younger than I. Her lips were plush snowy banks glittering under her icy blue eyes. She moved with the confidence and precision of a runway model, disregarding our table as she strode by. Her hair was board-straight, barely grazing her shoulders, and her thick bangs hung just above her eyes. There was a tiny diamond piercing in the crease of her left nostril. I’d never seen anything like her in real life before. She looked like punk-rock Barbie with her heavy eye makeup, skintight clothing, and knee-high boots.

Jared ignored us, too, as he followed her to the bar, and I felt something catch in my throat when he sat next to his companion.

Kim grabbed my shoulder. “Does he know you’re here?”

“I don’t think so,” I choked out.

“What’s going on?” Ryan asked, seeing our reaction to the fair-haired couple at the bar.

“That is the guy who’s been pursuing Nina,” Kim said, eyeing Jared with disgust.

Ryan looked at me and nodded in Jared’s direction. “You’re dating that guy?”

“No.” I stood up from the table. The door was just a few steps away, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of them.

Tozzi took one look at the blonde Jared was with and shook his head. Jared whispered something in his ear and slid something across the counter, and the bartender walked away without further argument. The girl—and she was a girl—looked up at Jared with an annoyed expression. I clenched my teeth. He had chosen to be with her, and she was bored with him.

Beth stumbled back to the table. “Cab’s on its way.”

“Let’s wait outside,” Kim said, pulling me with her.

Just before I looked away, Jared raised his eyes to meet mine. I was glad that he had seen me. Then he wouldn’t be so surprised at the fury I would unleash on him the next time we happened upon each other. My anger gave me the distraction I needed to turn away. I shook my head in heated disbelief that he’d shown up with such a fake-looking sl—

My arm pulled in the wrong direction. “Nina, don’t go,” Jared said.

“What are you doing here with her?” Beth sneered.

I looked down at my arm and then glared up at Jared. He removed his gentle hold on me so as not to offend me further. “Just wait a minute. It’s not what you think.”

“I don’t think anything,” I snapped.

Jared sighed. “Yes, you do. If you would just give me a moment to explain . . .”

In the next moment, Ryan was standing beside me, eyeing Jared. “She’s leaving. You need to step back,” Ryan said in a low, hostile voice.

Jared turned his head away from us, laughing off the threat. He turned to scowl at Ryan, and I recoiled as his eyes turned from warm pools to steely blue.

After a few tense moments, Jared looked down at me. His eyes softened again. “Nina, I don’t want you to leave upset. Just hear me out.”

“I don’t think I will,” I said, turning away from him. His hand shot out to catch my arm once more. Ryan grabbed Jared’s arm, and I could see that in seconds the situation was going to escalate.

A petite hand shot out and gripped Ryan’s wrist, bending it back just enough to incapacitate him. Ryan cried out in pain.

A feminine but firm voice came from behind Jared. “I’m just going to tell you this once. Don’t put your hands on my brother.”

“Okay! Okay!” Ryan begged.

“All right, Claire, that’s enough,” Jared murmured, watching me. He sighed at the horror that emanated from my eyes as I watched her draw her hand back from Ryan’s.

“This is my little sister, Claire,” Jared explained with chagrin.

My eyes shot a confused look at Claire, searching for some sort of offense taken by her, but there was none. He was telling the truth.

“Your sister?” I asked. From my peripheral vision, I could see Ryan rubbing his wrist.

Claire watched Ryan, seeming both irritated and concerned, almost as if she had regretted hurting him. Jared noticed the way she looked at Ryan as well, and they traded a strange glance.

“I didn’t want you to think . . .” Jared looked at me. “I’m sorry about the other day. It’s difficult . . . .”

Claire rolled her eyes and made her way to the bar. Jared whispered in her ear as she passed.

“Behave yourself.”

“Whatever,” she snapped.

Claire made herself comfortable on the bar stool and ordered a water, keeping to herself. After a few moments, her eyes flashed to Ryan and then back down to her drink.

Jared turned to me again, obviously wanting to pick up where we left off. His eyes wandered beside me to where Ryan was still standing.

“It’s okay, Ryan,” I whispered, touching his arm. I noticed Jared stare at my hand as if it would burst into flames.

“Okay?” Ryan repeated, still rubbing his wrist. I didn’t miss the edge of uneasiness in his voice.

“Yeah,” I smiled.

Ryan walked with Kim and Beth to the wall beside the door to join the rest of the group we came with. They all made a poor attempt to pretend they were watching for the cab.

“What are you doing here, Jared?” I snapped my head back to meet his eyes. He muttered something under his breath, briefly surveying the room full of people who were staring at us. I cocked my head and leaned so that I was somewhat in his line of sight. “Jared?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was with Claire. She insisted on coming in,” he said, looking back to me.

“I’m not sure why you’re here at all.” I crossed my arms and glared at him.

Jared noted the stubborn set of my chin and sighed. “I’m here because of what happened the other day. The look on your face when you walked away . . . I couldn’t just let you think that I didn’t . . . that I wasn’t . . .” He was struggling with the truth, and it was irritating me.

“Just say it!”

He winced at my tone. “I have these feelings for you. When I saw you over here with that same look on your face, I was afraid you’d never speak to me again if I didn’t explain.”

“You have feelings for me?”

His face fell. “I can’t get you out of my head.”

That simple sentence had my heart pounding through my chest. He lightly cupped my jaw and brushed his thumb against my cheek. His touch sent a jolt of electricity throughout my body from my head to my toes.

A sultry guitar solo played from the jukebox. I knew the song vaguely, but wasn’t paying enough attention to it to figure it out. Jared’s mouth turned up into a half-smile, and he pulled on both of my hands.

“Come here,” he said.

He walked backwards and led me to the small wooden dance floor. Pulling me close to his chest, his eyes never left mine. Everyone in the room must have been staring at us through the smoky haze, but I couldn’t disengage my gaze from his, even for a moment. He wrapped his arms around my middle, and I slid my hands up his arms, stopping at his shoulders.

I wasn’t sure if we were even dancing, with all of my focus on the fact that our bodies were so close. He broke his stare and leaned down to press his lips to my hair. I pressed my cheek against his chest and closed my eyes.

He tightened his grip, and every inch of me that was in contact with him burned in a wonderful way. I looked up, and my eyes stalled on his lips, the bottom a bit fuller than the top. I bit my lip in anticipation, the alcohol dissolving all of my inhibitions.

His body stiffened, and I turned to follow his glare to the bar. One of the older men still loitering in the pub had approached Claire.

The man reached for Claire, and Jared’s grip on me tightened, stepping just slightly in front of me in a protective stance.

The man leaned over and patted Claire on the back. He roared with laughter and attempted to whisper into her ear. Claire was staring ahead, her body rigid; seeing just half of her expression, it was obvious that she was about to lose her temper. The man lost his balance and used Claire to right himself.

“Claire—” Jared warned, but it was too late.

In the same second, she knocked the man’s legs out from under him with incredible speed and then stood up on the rung of her bar stool, slamming his head, cheek down, to the bar. The wood made a cracking noise with the force of her blow, and the man wailed in pain. He flailed his arms, reaching above him for Claire’s face, but she quickly reached around with her other hand and grabbed his fingers, wrenching them back. The bones in his fingers snapped and I recoiled, even though I still hadn’t quite processed what was going on. The man’s bloodcurdling scream sent the bartender running over to try to separate them.

Claire leaned down and yelled over the music into his ear. “Was that good for you, baby?” and then slowly licked his cheek. Claire released her grip, and he slithered down to the floor. The entire room seemed frozen in time.

Jared heaved an exasperated sigh. He looked at me with a tired ache in his eyes and then let me go. He walked over to Claire, grabbed her arm, and then ushered her out.

“She broke my damn fingers!” the man howled, cradling his arm to his chest.

Several of the older patrons rushed to his side and helped him up while he moaned in pain. Beth grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the pub. The cab waited for us outside in a cloud of exhaust.

I looked around, but Jared had disappeared.

Beth tugged at my coat frantically. “Get in, Nina, before the cops get here!”

I ducked into the cab, and my ears were filled with shrieking and chattering in high tones. I wasn’t listening to any of it; I was too confused about what I had seen. Jared wasn’t surprised at all that his teenaged sister had broken the hand of a full-grown man as if he were made of glass.

I went over it in my head; the memory seemed more like a Kung Fu movie than something that had unfolded in front of my eyes. Tiny, delicate Claire seemed to have superhuman strength and speed, and Jared’s reaction didn’t make sense. He didn’t act to protect her, and yet he seemed to know that carnage was on the horizon; he even shielded me from it.

“Nina! Are you listening to me? Wasn’t that incredible? The way she just . . .” Beth set in motion with a series of karate chops and then jerked her hand forward in the same motion Claire used to slam the man’s head into the bar, grunting with each move. Beth giggled with delight while I shuddered at the recollection.

“I’d hate to meet her on a dark playground, I’ll tell you that,” Kim joked.

Ryan shook his head. “She’s all of ninety-five pounds, and when she grabbed my hand, I couldn’t break free. What is she? Sixteen? Seventeen? She isn’t normal.”

“She has to be in high school still,” Beth said.

“She’s old enough to drive, though. Did you see her car?” Kim added.

I perked up then. “You saw them leave?”

Beth nodded. “She took off down the street in some kind of sports car; Jared was with her. They looked like they were arguing.”

“It was a Lotus,” Kim said.

“It was a phantom black Lotus Exige S two-sixty. Sweet, sweet, car,” Ryan mused. “It costs over twelve-grand just for the paint.”

“Doesn’t Josh’s dad have one?” Kim asked, elbowing Ryan.

Ryan shook his head with raised eyebrows.

Kim looked at me. “It’s a good thing she wasn’t his date, Nigh. That would have been one short cat fight.”

“Hey,” Beth prodded. Her giggling had tapered off. “What’s wrong? You’ll see him again; I’m sure of it. You should have seen the way he looked at you when you were dancing together.”

I couldn’t help but notice Ryan frown at Beth’s words.

My attention was drawn to the passing lights outside my window. Seeing him again was exactly what I wanted, but my sense of self-preservation cried foul. The entire situation was one big red flag, but did I believe Jared was dangerous?

Something about Jared’s eyes assured me in the short time I’d known him thathe was safe. Every piece of me that had been guided by my father to be reasonable and wary was screamingrun, but I knew I would intentionally try to cross paths with him at the earliest moment fate allowed. The moment of sadness in his eyes before he left me played out over and over in my head. I had to see him again.

~*~

The next study group session, Ryan collapsed in the chair beside me. His pencil teetered between his fingers while I went over my notes.

“Nina?” Ryan whispered.

“Yes?”

“Who was that guy the other night?”

I feigned a confused expression. “What guy?”

He smirked at me. “You know who I’m talking about. That Jared guy. Are you dating him?”

I shrugged. “No, not really.”

“What does that mean?”

I kept my eyes on my paper. “I’ve gone to lunch with him once, he’s given me a ride home a few times, and I’ve see him around town.” I was purposefully vague. I didn’t know where the conversation was headed.

“So what was that at the pub? Why did he show up with his sister to tell you he wasn’t there with her?”

“I haven’t talked to him to get that figured out, yet.”

“But you’re going to talk to him?” His voice was growing impatient with my answers.

“I don’t know, Ryan. Why?” I said, unable to conceal my irritation with his line of questioning.

Ryan squirmed in his seat and then turned to face me. “I wanted to ask you, if, you know, if you wanted to grab dinner sometime.”

“Oh.” I rubbed my forehead. “I’ve got a lot on my plate right now.”

Ryan nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “I just thought I’d ask. I didn’t know if you and that guy were . . .”

“It’s not about Jared,” I lied.

“Do you think he came there to check up on you?”

I contemplated that for a moment. “I don’t know, maybe. I’ve been running into him a lot lately.”

“That’s creepy.”

“I like to think of it as fate stepping in,” I mused.

Ryan’s face twisted to petulance. “Sounds like stalking to me.”

“You should talk, trying to fight over a girl you barely know.”

“He had his hands on you,” he grumbled.

“Thank you.” I smiled, nudging him.

“You’re welcome. You know that guy’s got to be bad news, right?”

“I don’t believe that.” Ryan scowled at my words, but I shrugged off his skepticism. “I can’t explain it. There’s something in his eyes.”

Ryan shook his head in disapproval. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. His little sister is insane.”

“I’m with you on that one.”

We both laughed and then Ryan shrugged. “Maybe, once you get things all sorted out with your stalker, you’ll reconsider.”

“He’s not a stalker.”

“Mmm hmm,” he said, trying to appear interested in his algebra book.

Beth began gathering her plethora of organizational aids, and Kim stood up and stretched. The rest of the group disbanded as Kim, Beth, Ryan, and I walked out of the library together.

“I’m starving,” Kim said.

“I could eat,” Beth chimed in.

Ryan turned to me. “Is an after-study snack out of the question?”

They all eyed me expectantly. “Let’s eat.” I shrugged.

Ryan and Kim went over possible plans for the weekend over pancakes and hash browns while Beth and I discussed our intentions to attend the basketball game. Even with the ever-growing puzzle that was Jared, life was a shade of ordinary again. I felt the unease I’d been feeling for weeks slowly dissipate into the greasy air.

While walking out to the car, I noticed a short squat man walking parallel to us. Ryan veered to the outside of our group, positioning himself between us and the stranger. The man arrived at Kim’s Sentra the same moment that we did.

“Are you Nina Grey?” The man asked me in a hoarse voice. I felt my body tense.

“What do you need?” Ryan asked, stepping forward.

The man noted Ryan’s presence but spoke only to me. “I was an associate of your father’s. My name is Charles Dawson. It’s important that I speak with you.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. The mention of my father created a stabbing sensation in my stomach.

“I would like to speak with you alone, if you don’t mind,” he said, his squinty eyes shifting from each of my friends and then back to me.

“Nina, do you know this guy?” Ryan asked, jerking his thumb at Mr. Dawson.

I studied his face for a moment. He wore an expensive suit like the hundreds of other men I’d seen in my father’s company through the years, but his face wasn’t familiar.

I tried to be polite. “I-I don’t think I do, sir. I’m not sure I could help you.”

Mr. Dawson took a step toward me, and Ryan did the same.

“I’ve been trying to get in touch with your father for some time now. It’s come to my attention that he passed away.”

I worked to separate my lips long enough to form the words. “That’s correct.”

“Your father had agreed to sign over some property to me, and I was wondering if you were at all familiar with our transaction?”

Kim spoke up. “Nina, this is probably not the appropriate time to—”

“I think you’d rather speak to my father’s attorney, Thomas Rosen,” I interrupted. “He is with Rosen and Barnes in Kennedy Plaza. I’m sure he’ll be able to assist you.” I turned to get into the car, but the man took several quick steps to thwart my efforts. He held my door, and his face turned grave.

“It’s of the utmost importance, Nina. I’ve exhausted all of my options, and I’m asking for your help.” His eyes darted to Ryan and then back to me. Mr. Dawson kept his voice low. “Jack has a safe. Maybe you’ve seen it? My papers are there in that safe, and I need to obtain them right away.”

The already uncomfortable feeling that I was experiencing grew as the man inched closer to me. I heard Kim make wide strides to intercede, but Ryan beat her to it, stepping between me and the stranger. I slid into my seat and shut the door while Kim wheeled around, hurrying to start the car. Ryan paused for a moment, eyeing the man, and then joined Beth in the back seat. I saw Ryan’s arm slide between my shoulder and the door, reaching to press down the lock.

Mr. Dawson leaned down to peer at me through the glass. “I need those papers, Nina. It would be wise of you to help me.” He pulled out a card and held it against the window with his palm. I scanned it and attempted to smile.

No one spoke until we were almost back to the school parking lot.

“Does anyone else think that was completely creepy?” Beth shrieked.

“Beth! You scared the crap outta me!” Kim said.

“What are you going to do?” Ryan asked.

“I’m going to call Mr. Rosen tomorrow, and then I’m going to call my mother,” I said, fidgeting.

Beth nodded with wide eyes. “Your mom is gonna freak.”

“I know,” I grumbled.

Kim waved and set off to Andrews while Beth and I said our good-byes to Ryan.

Beth patted Ryan’s shoulder. “I’m glad you were there, Ryan. That guy was . . . I don’t think he would have let Nina in the car had you not been there.”

“Yes, thank you,” I said, hugging him.

Ryan pulled back to look at me, still keeping me enveloped in his arms. “I’d do anything for you,” he said, brushing my bangs away from my eyes.

I took a step back and glanced at Beth, whose eyes were bouncing back and forth between Ryan and me. He scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, well, guess I better head back to the dorm. I’ll see you ladies at our next study group.”

“See ya!” Beth chirped.

I smiled and waved to him as he turned to walk away.

Beth grabbed my arm and pulled me along with her as she walked. “Neeenah! What are you going to do about him? He’s in love with you!”

“He is not,” I said, glowering at her. “He just hasn’t accepted our strictly platonic relationship, yet.”

“And you think he will?”

“Yes,” I said, nodding once.

“Or you hope he will?”

“He will.”

“Because you’re in love with Jared?” She grinned.

“I barely know Jared!” I said, irritated. “Beth, you have to hear how ridiculous you sound right now. Ryan loves me. I love Jared. I’ve known them both for about two seconds.”

“You are in denial.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m going to see my mother tomorrow. Do you want to come with me?”

“No, I have a meeting.”

I raised one eyebrow. “What kind of meeting?”

“I’m not talking about it; you’ll laugh at me.”

“Tell me, Beth. I won’t laugh,” I said, hooking my arm around hers.

She pressed her lips together and then sighed in resignation. “We’re starting a group for students from Oklahoma.”

“How many are there?” My words were involuntarily tinged with disbelief.

“A few!” she said defensively.

I fought a grin. “Are you going to have square dances and fight with the Native American Club?”

“You’re not funny.”

I chuckled and looked away. “That was pretty funny.”

“You know the parking meter was invented in Oklahoma? And the shopping cart? Invented in Oklahoma, too! The yield sign, the autopilot, voicemail! All because of Oklahomans. Bill Gates was inspired by an article penned by Ed Roberts, an Oklahoman. We have affordable housing, natural gas, Will Rogers, and the Sooners!

“The Oklahoma jokes are getting really old. We’re not a bunch of hillbillies.” She ran her hands through her hair. “You’re friends with me, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Beth! Yes, we’re friends! You’re right. I’m sorry. I won’t say anything else about Oklahoma.” I could feel my eyes widen in bewilderment. Beth was upset with me.

“And that goes for Kim, too,” she grumbled.

“I can’t speak for Kim, but don’t hold your breath.”

Beth tried not to smile, but giggled anyway. I smiled apologetically, and we hugged just outside of our dorm room.

“You’re crazy, but I love you anyway.” I giggled.

“I love you, too. I wouldn’t rather be shacked up with any other Yankee,” she said in a horrible southern drawl.

The next morning Beth decided to rise early and head out with me for coffee. I felt closer to her after our understanding the night before, and she seemed to be in an uncharacteristically good mood for being up so early.

Classes went by without delay. Before I knew it, I was sitting in my room alone, thinking about Jared and his unexplained appearances in my life. My mind abruptly switched to Mr. Dawson. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Thomas’ office. His secretary answered and informed me that he was out for the day. I hung up, frustrated.

I couldn’t recall a secret safe or any important real estate deal my father was involved in, which wasn’t exactly surprising. I was clueless about my father’s business dealings and had gratefully remained that way. That was before strange men started following me around, though. At least one person thought I had access to that file. I had to know why it was so important.

~*~

I burst through the door of my parents’ home and called for Agatha.

“Yes, Nina love! What’s the racket about?” she answered, scurrying around the corner.

“Is Mother home?”

“She’s at Crestwood, planning something or other. You know how busy she keeps these days.”

Of course she would be out. Immediately after Jack’s funeral, my mother immersed herself into every group, every organization, and every charity she could find. She had several meetings a day, and although it was at times frustrating being unable to reach her, I was appreciative of her time well-spent away from my dorm room.

After an hour of thumbing through my mother’s mail and snooping in every closet downstairs, I headed to Jack’s office. It was the most obvious place to look, so I assumed I wouldn’t find anything that would be of help. I took my hand off the knob and had almost convinced myself to look elsewhere, but I wheeled around and shoved myself through the door.

It hadn’t changed.

His mahogany desk and swivel chair commanded the center of the room. Hundreds of books including tax law, encyclopedias, poetry, the classics, and Dr. Seuss lined the back wall.

I crossed his plush imported rug and planted myself in the desk chair. The last papers he had looked over before his accident lay strewn on one side and unopened envelopes on the other. I started with those. Opening one after another, I sifted through statements, invitations, requests, and letters. Seeing nothing of interest, I pitched them into the wastebasket under the desk.

Just as I was about to put the letter opener back inside the drawer, the inscription caught my eye. My mother had bought it for me so I could give it to Jack for his birthday. The inscription read simply, “To Daddy. Love, Nina.” I caressed the words and shoved the letter opener into my back pocket. My mother wouldn’t miss it.

My eyes flitted to a two-inch stack of papers with “sign here” stickers poking out in various bright colors. I thumbed through them, but didn’t see anything about properties.

I pulled his lower desk drawer open and thumbed through every file, but I saw nothing of importance. Searching the remaining drawers, I rifled through old photos, envelopes, paperwork from the last ten years of tax filings, and a set of car keys. I slammed the last drawer shut and puffed.

My eyes wandered over to the file cabinets along the left wall. I started with the highest drawer in the cabinet closest to the back wall and searched for anything pertaining to properties, commercial or otherwise. I began to feel possessed. Every time I shut a drawer, I stifled a sob. Each drawer was slammed harder and harder. Only one cabinet wouldn’t open.

While searching through the last drawer, my hands began to shake. Upon finding no suspicious evidence or anything related to Mr. Dawson, I kicked the drawer shut, causing the cabinet to rock back and forth.

“AGH!” I stomped, balling my hands into fists at my sides.

I paced in a small circle for a minute and then made my way to the desk chair and collapsed. A small bronze frame sat to my left. It was a picture of Jack and me when I was about four years old. We had gone on vacation to the Grand Canyon, and I had fallen. I looked closer to verify my bandaged knee and smiled. I’d been sitting on my father’s lap; he had just finished cleaning up the dirt and blood and used a colorful bandage from my mother’s purse. He’d kissed my knee and told me that it was all better, and even though the sting had remained, I’d nodded my head in belief.

The colors were all so vivid, as was my memory. My eyes filled with tears, and I looked around, horrified that I was in Jack’s office and by what I was doing there. Mr. Dawson, a complete stranger, had made me doubt my father. I wiped my face and quickly straightened his desk. The door slammed behind me as I plunged down the stairs.

“Miss Nina?” Agatha called after me, but I raced past her, too intent on escaping the shame that I felt.

I yanked my BMW into gear and flew down the driveway into the street. Tears streamed down my face, and I felt my body shudder in the same sobs I had worked so hard to rid myself of. There were too many questions and no answers; everything that had made sense died with my father.

The flickering street lamps flew by as I sped down the road. As I passed the bus stop where I’d first met Jared, I noticed someone sitting on the bench and slammed on my brakes. I jerked the gear into reverse, and my car made a grievous whirring noise as I backtracked. My tires screeched to a halt straight across from where Jared sat.

Shoving my way out of the car, I stomped to the middle of the street. “Are you following me?”

“Are you all right?” he asked, concern overshadowing his flawless features.

“What are you doing here, damn it?” I yelled.

He stood up and held his arms out to me, but I shook my head. He stopped and furrowed his brow. “Nina, come here.”

“I want answers, Jared. You show up in my life and tell me you have these feelings for me. You won’t give me your number, and you all but refused mine.” I took a step toward him, and he a step toward me.

“Nina, I know you’re upset, but it’s going to be okay.” His voice was calm and soothing, almost too much so, as if he were trying to talk me down from a ledge.

“I’m standing in the middle of the street, bawling my eyes out and yelling at you, Jared! Why aren’t you asking me what’s wrong? Why don’t you ever ask me questions?” Jared thought for a moment, seeming surprised at my observation. He took another step toward me with outstretched arms, begging to hold me.

I took a step backward. “Is it feelings you have for me? Or are you just following me around because you feel sorry for me? Is it because I’m some tragic, fatherless basket case that you’ve decided to make a charity project out of?”

His eyes turned angry and his arms lowered. “You know that’s not true.”

As he took another step, his face for once didn’t try to hide emotion. His eyes ached for me to come to him; I could see that my tears caused him pain. I leaned into his arms, and he wrapped them around me without hesitation.

I relaxed in his embrace for a moment; the warmth of his arms provided instant comfort.

He leaned down to press his cheek against my temple. “It’s more than just feelings, Nina. You have to know that.”

I peered at him with damp eyes. “Then why haven’t you . . .?”

“What?” he asked. I shook my head at first, but he pulled me closer to him, and his eyes begged me to confess my thoughts. “Tell me.”

“Why haven’t you tried to kiss me?”

He seemed stunned, and then his eyes settled on my lips. I watched as his expression changed from desire to conflict to a decision. I didn’t know what it all meant, so I closed my eyes and leaned into him, knowing his lips were just a few inches from mine. I felt his grip tighten, and he held me at bay. My eyes popped open, humiliation crashing over me in waves. Adding to my already crippling embarrassment, tears once again spilled over my cheeks.

His eyes closed and his face crumpled. “I don’t want to lie to you.”

The humiliation still flamed my face, but it was now obscured by my anger. I’d grown weary of his vague non-answers. He would offer a tiny bit of truth shrouded in confusing ambiguity, and my patience had reached its limit.

Seeing the resentment in my eyes, Jared let out a frustrated sigh. He released me and walked across the street to an impressive black motorcycle parked behind the bench. Without looking back, he turned the key, and with a push of the button, the engine roared to life. The motor snarled as he revved it a few times before speeding off the sidewalk and down the street.

~*~

The weekend came and went. Beth and I attended the basketball game, and Kim, Beth, and I joined Ryan, Josh, Tucker, and Chad for air hockey and nachos. I refused to talk about Jared, even with Beth. I couldn’t even bring myself to explain what had happened that caused me to be so furious any time they mentioned his name.

Ryan seemed to enjoy my change of heart. One night he called to ask me for help with his chemistry, and we found ourselves sitting on the floor of my dorm room alone.

“No, it’s . . .” I pressed my lips together as I rewrote the last line.

“Chad said he failed this test last year,” Ryan grumbled.

“Chad didn’t have me for a tutor, now did he?” I threw my pencil at him, and it bounced to the floor.

“Tutor or not, this test is gonna suck.”

“Have you lost your faith in me?”

“Have you reconsidered my offer yet?” He grinned.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrugged, playing dumb.

“Yes, you do. It’s okay if you haven’t. You will eventually.” He beamed.

“I’m fairly certain I won’t be interested in dating for a long, long time.”

Ryan didn’t skip a beat. “I’ll wait.”

4. The Ring

The next weeks proved to be fairly mundane. I hadn’t seen Jared or Mr. Dawson, and Ryan’s propositions had tapered off. Beth had been noticeably absent from our room. I hadn’t even been sequestered for a ballgame.

I didn’t leave campus for further theory-testing walks, and I tried not to venture off campus in general. My feelings were conflicted at any given second between being desperate to see Jared again and cringing at thoughts of any chance run-ins. I committed to pushing him from my mind, even if I had to do it a thousand times a day.

At study group, Ryan and I took our normal spots to work together on his latest academic crisis. Kim passed the time by shooting rubber bands at Josh while Beth and the new girl, Nicole, compared notes.

Josh caught one of Kim’s rubber missiles in midair and yawned. “So when are we going out again?”

Kim shrugged. “I don’t know. When do you want to go?”

“I don’t think Nina’s up to it,” Beth hinted. The entire group stared at me with a mixture of pitiful and expectant expressions that I was desperate to deflect.

“Of course I’m up for it,” I said, aiming for a casual tone.

In truth, going out again with the same people to the same place made me anxious that we were just asking for a repeat, and I wasn’t ready to see Jared again. In the same moment, I worried that he wouldn’t show.

“Are you sure?” Beth asked, leaning forward in her chair.

“Why don’t we go tomorrow?” Josh asked Ryan.

“I’m there,” Ryan said, nudging me.

“On a Tuesday? How much fun can a Tuesday night be?” I groaned.

“As fun as we make it,” Ryan said.

On our way back to Andrews, I grumbled to Beth about going out on a school night. She didn’t seem fazed by the prospect, so I left it alone. When we lumbered into our room, my cell phone buzzed.

“Hi, Mom.” I yawned.

“You sound tired, Nina. Are you getting enough sleep?” she asked.

“I am. It’s just been a long day,” I said, peeling back my comforter.

“Well, I won’t keep you long. I just wanted to tell you that Thomas called me today. He wanted to apologize about not returning your call. Did you call him, dear?”

“Er, yes. I did.” I hadn’t anticipated Thomas calling my mother.

“Well? What did you call him about?”

I decided that sticking as close to the truth as possible would be the best option. “Well, I was in dad’s office a few weeks ago and came across some unsigned papers. I didn’t want to worry you with it, so I called Mr. Rosen.”

“You were in Dad’s office? Why?”

“I guess I just miss him.”

“Oh,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It’s okay, Mom. It was something I needed to do on my own.”

“You don’t worry about those papers, dear. They’re nothing you need to concern yourself with. Thomas has copies of all of your father’s papers in his office; they’ve already been taken care of. I wasn’t ready to move them just yet.”

“I understand,” I said, thinking of the letter opener I’d taken. She obviously hadn’t noticed yet. I wondered if she went into Jack’s office at all. “Did Daddy ever discuss an urgent properties deal with you?”

My mother pondered that for a moment. “A properties deal? Your father didn’t deal with properties, Nina.”

“Oh. Okay.” I tried to make my voice sound idle to end the conversation.

“I’ll let Thomas know that I’ve talked to you.” She seemed to accept my explanation, but was obviously unconvinced.

“That’s fine, Mom. I’m going to bed, now.”

I clicked my phone shut and noticed Beth staring at me. “What?”

“You didn’t tell her about the Dawson guy, did you?” Beth said, towel and toiletries in hand.

I shook my head. “I can’t put that on her right now.”

I clicked my fingernails together, waiting for Beth to return. Mr. Rosen had chosen to call my mother instead of me. The thought flooded my mind with the disturbing words Mr. Dawson spoke, which in turn morphed into thoughts of my father being swindled posthumously. In that instant, I became angry beyond words and scrambled to my feet. Beth wouldn’t return fast enough; I needed an immediate distraction.

I grabbed my keys and bolted out the door.

My BMW weaved in and out of traffic just a bit over the speed limit. I figured if I could somehow get lost, trying to find my way back would be an excellent distraction. I drove until the buildings were less familiar, and then I stopped paying attention to the street signs. When I was no longer in Providence, I slowed down to make a U-turn to start the challenge of finding my way home. I veered off a bit to the shoulder before making the turn, and then my car bobbled over an unseen object as I pulled my steering wheel in the opposite direction.

“Damn it!”

I peered into my rearview mirror, searching for what I’d run over to decide whether I should pull over to assess any damages. In the next moment, I saw the reflective twisted metal and sighed.

I pulled over to the side of the road and came to an abrupt stop. Realizing the situation I’d gotten myself into, I let my forehead fall hard onto the steering wheel with a thud.

A flat tire on the side of an unknown road in the middle of the night was definitely a distraction.

I shoved open my door and walked around to look at the front passenger-side tire. Seeing the rubber pooled on the ground, I raked my fingers through my hair.

Fog blurred the street lights so my vision was limited. In quick strides, I ducked back into my car to call Beth. At the same time that I remembered I had left my purse behind, it dawned on me that I’d also failed to bring my phone.

“Nina! You idiot!”

Logic overrode panic. The sun would rise in a few hours, and I could flag someone down to use his phone. I turned the heater on high and let the dry air fill the cab. When it was too hot to breathe, I flipped back the ignition and turned off the car. Just moments later, I tugged my coat tighter around me. It was going to be a long couple of hours before sunrise; it didn’t take long at all for the stifling heat in the car to fade to lukewarm and then to an uncomfortable chill soon after.

Three quick raps on my window sent me an inch off my seat. I whipped around to see a man in a puffy blue coat, standing just inches away. My hand flew up to the lock as he leaned down to look in.

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think? I could have carjacked you by now,” Jared said, grimacing at my pitiful efforts.

I couldn’t speak; the fear had sent adrenaline racing throughout my body, and I experienced a dozen different emotions before I settled on relief.

“Open the trunk so I can get your spare,” he said.

I reached for the button, and the trunk sprung open with a pop. Scrambling out of my car, I watched while he pulled out a jack and quickly assembled it then pulled out the spare tire, carrying it to his makeshift workspace. I’d always seen people rolling tires around, but Jared lifted it out of my trunk as if it were a grocery bag.

He worked feverishly—as if he were being timed—pumping the jack, unscrewing the lug nuts and yanking off the flattened carcass of the old tire to immediately replace it with the spare. He repeated the process in reverse, tightening the lug nuts and spinning the tire. Once he finished lowering the car, he lobbed the flattened tire into my trunk, followed by the jack and tire iron.

“Go home, Nina,” he growled. He slammed the trunk shut and then wiped the grease from his hands onto his jeans.

“Jared . . .”

“Just go home,” he said, avoiding my eyes. He turned his back on me, disappearing into the fog.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

I shook my head and scrambled around the front of my car, staring at the new tire to make sure I hadn’t imagined everything I’d just seen. My new, perfectly capable tire was fitted flawlessly to my car. I looked to the fog where Jared had disappeared and puffed. It was no longer an indefinite prospect that Jared was always waiting in the wings. I didn’t know why or how he was doing it, but he was watching over me.

During the ride home, my mind raced with theories and explanations. There was no way for him to explain it away. Jared had basically admitted to following me. Maybe that was why he was so irritated; I’d managed to get myself in yet another situation that he would have to make clear that he was nearby. I should have been panicking—anyone else would have repeated the word stalker over and over in her head—but I only felt an overwhelming sense of calm. Beyond the calm, I was even more shocked to discover that I was flattered.

Something else became clear to me: I had absolutely no common sense concerning Jared Ryel. I had become an irrational, ridiculous, sobbing fool, and incredibly, he was still in my life. I didn’t care if he was a stalker or a miracle. The thought that he was always near me—that he could have been watching me at that moment—sent euphoric shivers down my spine.

The next night, a knock at the door prompted Beth to grab her purse. When I swung open the door, Kim, Josh, Ryan, Tucker, Chad, Lisa, and Carrie were all standing in the hall.

“We held hands so they wouldn’t get lost,” Kim quipped.

“That’s nice,” I said, turning to grab my keys and wallet. “We’re not all going to fit in the Beemer.”

“I’m taking my Jeep,” Chad said.

“Sweet!” Beth chirped.

When I followed Beth through the door of the pub, I felt my body tense. I didn’t relax until I finished scanning the room and saw that Jared was nowhere to be found. With my relaxation came discontent, but Ryan’s arm around my shoulders provided an immediate diversion. We took a table, and Ryan fed quarters into the jukebox. Within an hour, we were all on the wooden floor, dancing to disco.

“Next time, I’m bringing a CD!” Kim yelled over the Bee Gees.

When we returned to our table, a slow song crooned from the jukebox, and Chad asked Beth to dance. She was beaming, and I watched him pull her gently by her hand to the dance floor. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up as I watched them, not being able to keep myself from the bittersweet memory of Jared’s arms around me in the same space just a few weeks before.

“C’mon. Dance with me,” Ryan asked, pulling at my hand.

I might have said no if he hadn’t already had me halfway to my feet. It had become a full-time job to keep him from getting the wrong idea about our friendship. I followed him to the dance floor, and he secured his hands behind my back.

“Oh, cheer up. It’s not that bad.” Ryan smiled.

“You’ve been drinking; I’m concentrating on not tripping over your two left feet.”

“I’ll catch you,” he said, too close to my face.

“Great, then we’d both fall.” I grinned.

Ryan hugged me to him. “I don’t mind falling to catch you.”

I relaxed my chin on Ryan’s shoulder until the song ended. He seemed to want to keep dancing, but the next song was upbeat. He hesitated and then let me go, leading me back to the table by my hand.

We tabbed out after last call, and Lisa and Carrie decided to take a cab to someone’s apartment for an after party. Beth decided to ride with Chad again, and my heart leapt for her when I saw him lead her by the hand to his Jeep.

We quickly crossed against the light to the parking lot, and Kim and Ryan giggled while I fumbled for my keys.

I cursed as my keys tumbled to the ground into a pot hole. I reached down to get them, but a dirty hand beat me there. Kim and Ryan were silent as I slowly stood to face the raggedy man in front of me.

“Thank you,” I said, holding my hand out for my keys. I noticed there were three other men with him, emerging from the shadows of the alley.

“You’re welcome,” he rasped. He had an unkempt brown beard, and his black eyes were abnormally deep-set. Upon first glance, he appeared homeless, but his fingernails were too clean and his face wasn’t nearly worn enough. Even growing up on the East Side, I had seen my share of the destitute on the docks with my father.

“I don’t suppose you could spare some change for my trouble?”

“Er, sure,” I said, looking at Kim and Ryan before I dug into my wallet. I handed him a ten-dollar bill, and he glanced over to my BMW.

“I’m sure the key to this car is worth more than that,” he insisted.

I reached into my wallet and handed him a twenty. “There. Please give me my keys,” I said, holding out my hand.

He stared at me for a long moment, prompting Ryan to walk over to us. “She gave you some money. Give her back her keys.”

The man looked Ryan over and then peered back at me. “I don’t think that’s quite enough.”

My eyes narrowed. “How much do you want?”

“How much do you have in your wallet?”

“What?”

“And I’d like that pretty green ring on your finger, too, baby doll.” He nodded.

“You’re not getting her ring,” Ryan said, stepping in between us.

“Benson?” the bearded man called behind him. One of the men behind him nodded and signaled the others to move forward.

“Ryan,” I whispered as he sidestepped to hide me behind him.

“Aw, look, Graham. She’s got a little bodyguard.”

“Shut up, Stu,” the bearded man growled. “Give me the ring and the money and you can go,” he said, spitting on the ground.

“I don’t think so, Graham.” Ryan shifted as he assessed the other men.

“Ryan,” I warned and then looked at the ring leader. “Listen, this is everything I have on me,” I said, shoving at him several large bills and more fives and ones. “This is everything in my wallet. Take it.”

“And the ring,” Graham said in an obstinate tone.

I looked at Kim’s horrified expression and then back at the thief. “I-I can’t give you my ring. My father gave it to me, and he passed away recently.”

“That’s a very sad story,” he mocked. “Give me the ring.”

I hid my shaking hand behind me and looked around for someone, anyone, who could help. “I won’t.” I swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

Graham glanced away to follow my line of sight, and Ryan took the opportunity to attack.

Kim ran around the car. “NO!”

A scuffle ensued with the other three jumping on Ryan. They were in a huddle, punching and kicking Ryan mercilessly.

I took a step toward the cluster. “STOP IT!”

Ryan let out a muffled cry and stopped fighting. My hands flew to my mouth as I saw that Stu held a knife dripping with blood.

“STOP IT, PLEASE!” I said.

The men were chuckling to each other; the brutality had ended with one last kick to Ryan’s ribs. I stared in horror as he lay broken on the wet pavement. Just as he attempted to pull himself up on all fours, Stu used his boot to press Ryan’s cheek back into the pavement.

“Agh!” Ryan groaned.

“I didn’t tell you to get up yet, did I?” Stu said.

The attention turned to my hand. I balled it into a fist. I wouldn’t give up my father’s ring. Graham seemed to notice my decision, and they all took a step forward, preparing to take it from me. Four sets of malevolent eyes shifted in unison as a familiar voice growled from behind me.

“I think it’s time you gentlemen moved on.”

Jared strolled past me, and the air escaped from my lungs with overwhelming relief.

“Jared,” I said.

He shot me a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t have to give them your ring.”

“The hell she doesn’t. You want some of what this boy got?” Stu warned.

Graham eyed Jared suspiciously. “You’re Ryel’s boy, aren’t you?”

My blood ran cold as I looked down at Ryan’s limp body. He was still breathing, but in small, shallow gasps. I looked at Jared, terrified of what would happen to him.

“Gentlemen, you can either leave now with the money the lady has offered, or you can stay without further use of your arms and legs. It’s your choice. Either way, the ring won’t be leaving her finger tonight.” Jared’s voice began polite, but as his offer ended it became low and frightening.

Graham chuckled as he lowered his head. Once his laughter ended, his eyes darted up, peering at Jared from under his brow. “Then I guess we’ll just have to cut her hand off.”

I froze.

Jared turned to me, his eyes steely blue, and then he looked back at the men as he took a step towards them.

“See?” Jared sighed. “Now you’re just pissing me off.”

“I’m sick of this,” Benson said.

“Benson, wait!” Graham ordered.

Two of the men rushed Jared, and just as a scream grew in my throat, I saw Jared pull one of them off his back and throw him across the lot—an incredible distance, at least thirty yards—against the stone wall of the alley. The man’s body flew into some trashcans with a loud crash. Benson flew back after Jared punched him in the face, and I recoiled when blood exploded from his nose. Stu ran at Jared with his knife, but Jared lithely dodged out of the way and caught the man’s arm as he jabbed the knife at him. Jared pulled Stu’s arm to the side and quickly rammed his fist into his elbow from behind, hyper extending it until it snapped. Jared punched him again, this time in the face, and the man fell to the ground.

Graham attempted to turn and run, but with amazing speed, Jared reached out and grabbed his overcoat, stopping him in his tracks. The man whirled around and pushed Jared back against my car.

My hands flew up to my mouth.

Jared quickly spun to elbow Graham in the side of his face. The bearded man plummeted to the ground, the blow causing him to thrash about in stifled groans.

When I gawked down at him, I noticed that his jaw appeared askew. He held it against his face with his hands and moaned in agony.

Jared pulled my car keys from the ground beside him and noticed a worn, black wallet next to them. He picked it up, and it unfolded automatically to reveal a large metallic object.

“Agh. This is not good,” Jared said, rubbing his forehead.

“What? What is that? Is that his?” I tried to get a better look as Jared stuffed it into his jacket pocket.

Breathing heavily, Jared took a few steps closer to me. “Are you okay?”

“Am I? Are you okay?”

Jared nodded, but I could see blood oozing from a small cut on his cheek bone, just below his eye.

“You’re bleeding,” I whispered.

Jared wiped the cut and glanced down at the blood smeared across the back of his hand. “It’s not bad. I have to get you out of here before the police show up.”

“Ryan’s going to need a doctor,” I said, rushing down to Ryan’s side. He was still breathing, but he’d been beaten badly.

“Ryan? Can you hear me?” I asked, but he didn’t respond.

Jared nodded and then effortlessly lifted Ryan into his arms to put him in the back seat of my car. Kim ran around to jump into the back and covered him with her coat.

“He doesn’t look good, Nigh,” Kim said, cradling him in her arms.

Jared opened the passenger side door. “Get in, Nina, I’ll drive.”

We flew through the darkness, making every red light a blurry afterthought. I wrapped my arms around my chest, finding it hard to breathe.

Jared rested his hand on my forearm. “Are you hanging in there?”

“I’m just worried about Ryan,” I whispered, peeking back momentarily at my friend. Jared’s hand gripped tighter.

“Everything’s going to be okay, Nina. Ryan’s going to pull through.”

“You shouldn’t have . . . You could have been killed, Jared.”

Jared raised an eyebrow, looking at me as if I were overreacting.

“It was necessary.” His hand left my arm and gripped the steering wheel. “They’re lucky I spared them their lives after he . . .” He paused, seeing my expression. “You don’t need to worry. I won’t let anyone hurt you. Least of all me.”

When the scowl didn’t leave my face, he squirmed in his seat. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong with me, Jared. You’re bleeding and Ryan is . . .” I turned around, “Ryan? Can you hear me?” I touched his battered face gently with my fingertips.

I could see Jared in my peripheral vision; his entire body tensed as if I were touching a live grenade.

“We need to get to the hospital!” Kim begged, holding her fingers to his wrist.

“Hang on, Ryan. We’re almost there,” I said, wincing when he did.

I had to turn back around to wipe my tears; I didn’t want him to see me cry. Jared tucked my hair behind my ear, and with his warm thumb wiped the moisture away. I didn’t notice that I was turning my ring mindlessly around my finger until Jared gently squeezed my hand.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

Ryan was whisked away to surgery, and Kim, Jared, and I were directed to the ICU waiting room. Jared sat beside me, brushing my bangs back from my eyes.

Kim sat on the adjacent couch, her knees shaking up and down. She bit her nails, staring straight ahead. “I called Beth half an hour ago! When are they going to get here?”

I couldn’t look at her; Ryan’s blood was smeared on her shirt and jacket.

Beth, Josh, and Chad filed into the waiting room, wide-eyed and breathless. Beth crashed into me, hugging me until I thought my ribs would break.

“Oh my God, Nina! Are you okay? Is Kim okay?”

“We’re okay,” I whispered.

Beth put her hands to her mouth when she noticed the blood on Kim’s clothing and shook her head. “Ryan?”

“He’s still in surgery,” Kim said. “He has some broken ribs, and they think the knife may have punctured his spleen. They’ll remove it if they can’t get the bleeding stopped.”

My eyes welled up with tears.

“Whoa,” Josh sighed, rubbing his forehead in disbelief.

Beth hugged me as we both cried. She walked over to Kim and sat down. When Kim only offered a weak smile, Beth pulled her into her arms.

Jared put his arm around me and led me back to the couch. Kim rehashed the account to the others until Josh interrupted.

“Why didn’t you just give him the damn ring, Nina?” he asked in an accusatory tone.

“This isn’t Nina’s fault.” Jared grimaced, squeezing me closer to his side.

“Her father gave her that ring, Josh,” Beth added.

“It’s just a ring,” he murmured.

Jared looked into my eyes with an understanding expression; he didn’t want me to feel worse than I already did. I didn’t expect anyone to understand my attachment to the ring any more than I expected them to understand my relationship with my father.

“How did you get away?” Beth asked.

I felt Jared shift uncomfortably beside me when Kim spoke, “Jared took all four of them on. He was amazing. Apparently, he taught his little sister everything she knows.”

All eyes darted to Jared, who leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “I’m in the security business.”

“Where? In Iraq?” Josh sneered.

“Nah,” Jared said, downplaying Kim’s explanation.

I knew better. I had just glimpsed into a fraction of Jared’s secret.

I jerked against Jared’s shoulder when he whispered that Ryan was being wheeled into Intensive Care from recovery. “It’s okay, you’re safe,” he whispered, pressing his lips to the top of my hair.

“Oh,” I said, wiping my eyes. “I must have dozed off for a second.”

“More like an hour,” Kim said with heavy eyes.

Jared squeezed me to him. “You didn’t miss anything; you needed to rest.”

“What time is it?” I yawned.

“Seven thirty,” Beth said, looking as exhausted as I felt.

The nurses pushed the stretcher down the hall with a barely coherent Ryan attached to monitors and tubes. I ran into the hallway and grabbed his hand, walking with them.

“I’m so sorry.” My voice broke before I could attempt a braver tone.

Ryan mumbled something inaudible, and I felt my face compress. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk.” I choked at how familiar those words sounded. “We’ll be right down the hall, okay?” I kissed his hand, and he smiled, reaching his shaky fingers to brush my cheek with the back of his fingertips. I held his hand to my face for a moment, kissed it, then let go as they passed through the double doors.

The doors shut in my face, and I brought my hand to my mouth to stifle the cries. Beth came up behind me, and Kim joined us, followed by Josh and Chad. We all huddled in the middle of the hall as we hugged and cried.

I had been nestled in Jared’s warm arms for twenty minutes when a nurse came out.

“He’s resting now. If you would like to freshen up and come back later, he may be ready for visitors then.”

“But how is he?” I asked.

“It’s still early, but he’s young and healthy. I’d say he’s going to recover quite nicely.” She smiled.

We shared a collective sigh as she wheeled around and disappeared behind the double doors.

“I’m going to head home. Call me when he wakes up,” Chad said.

“Can I catch a ride with you?” Kim asked. With that, Beth, Kim, Chad, and Josh all stood up.

“You’re staying?” Beth asked.

I nodded and stood up to hug her.

“I’ll stay with her,” Jared said.

Beth smiled through her fatigue before Chad led her out by the hand.

“You’re exhausted,” Jared said. “I should take you home.”

I shook my head. “I can’t leave him here alone. I almost got him killed.”

Jared’s faced twisted when he spoke. “He almost got himself killed.”

“He tried to keep them from attacking me!” I said, offended.

“Fat lot of good it did him,” Jared said, rolling his eyes.

“I know, Jared. If you hadn’t shown up, Ryan would have bled out, and I would have been left-handed for the rest of my life, however brief.”

Anger played out across his face and he stood up, stopping just inches from me. “It’s not funny, Nina. You were in serious danger. Ryan should have diffused the situation instead of escalating it. He watches too much television. It’s the ones who try to impress the girls who end up . . .”

“He didn’t do that to impress me!”

“His feelings for you clouded his judgment. He tried to be a hero, and here you are, feeling guilty.”

“You’re jealous?” I said, incredulous.

Jared’s rigid posture in the car replayed in my head. I was too worried to think about it at the time, but it made sense. He had mistaken my actions for intimacy. He thought Ryan and I were more than friends.

Jared rolled his eyes. “If I were jealous, it wouldn’t be for that. I’m used to seeing you with someone else. It’s just a matter of enduring it now.”

My eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What do you mean you’re used to it?”

Jared didn’t answer right away. He heaved an exasperated sigh and his jaws tensed.

“I just meant from before. I’ve had to see you with him before.”

“With Ryan?”

“Yes. At the pub, remember?” Jared eyes wandered everywhere but into mine.

“I remember,” I said, still unconvinced.

He took my hand and worry shadowed his face. “I’m glad you’re okay. For a moment, I thought I wouldn’t get there in time.”

“Was your judgment clouded?” I said, still incensed that he had snubbed Ryan’s bravery.

“Something like that,” he glowered, looking away from me.

“You’re not going to tell me the truth, are you?” I pulled my hand from his and crossed my arms.

Jared’s head snapped back, and his eyes glared into mine. “And what truth would that be?”

“You know what I’m talking about. You took down four men—on your own—as if they were little girls. The incomparable sense of timing you seem to have and the knowing where I am all the time . . .”

“I don’t know where you are all the time, and my sense of timing tonight was almost nonexistent.”

“Are you going to be honest with me or not?” I stood there for a moment, and when Jared seemed to deliberate, I walked back to the couch.

Jared sighed in resignation and then sat beside me. “I wanted to kiss you the other night. I knew that you were upset. I wanted to comfort you, and I ended up just hurting you more.” He winced. “That wasn’t my intention, Nina. I would’ve given anything to lean into that kiss. It’s just complicated.”

“You knew that I was upset?”

He looked down and drew his eyebrows together.

“Jared?” He looked up at me. “What do you want from me?” I asked, exasperated.

He didn’t look up. “I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy. I’m figuring out the rest.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

His head snapped up. “Okay?” he said, searching my eyes.

“Okay.” I shrugged.

Jared’s face was just a short distance from mine, so close that I could feel his warm breath gently blowing against my cheek. He stared at my lips, but I didn’t dare move for fear he would pull back and I would have to suffer humiliation all over again. I took in a breath, and he looked into my eyes. He leaned closer to me an infinitesimal amount, and his phone buzzed. We both heaved out a sigh, and he leaned back to retrieve his phone.

“Ryel,” he snapped. I heard a quick chattering on the line, and then he clicked his phone closed, shaking his head. “I have to go.”

“It’s okay.” I smiled.

He kissed my forehead, and the warmth of his lips blazed into my skin.

“See you around,” he said, walking to the doorway.

“Jared?” I blurted out, scrambling to my feet. He turned to face me and I smiled. “Thank you. Thank you so much for everything.”

Jared’s eyes grew soft, and he took a few steps toward me. The warmth of his hands sunk into my shoulders, and his jaw tensed as a flood of emotion scrolled across his face. His eyebrows pulled in before he gingerly pulled me to him and pressed his soft lips against mine. He ran his hands up my neck to my face where he held my cheeks in each of his hands. My surroundings vanished; the only thing I could focus on was the breathtaking heat against my mouth. An entire lifetime could have passed, and still the kiss ended too soon. He pulled me tighter to his chest and then wheeled around, disappearing down the hall.

I walked a few paces backwards and fell against the seat. The gravity of the situation pressed down on me with renewed strength. The danger, my fear, and the confusion about what I’d seen—what Jared was capable of—were swimming around in my mind. I should have been insane with anxiety, but I felt the same sense of calm I’d felt on the side of the road the night before last. Ryan was going to be all right, my hand was still firmly attached to my wrist, and Jack’s gift was safely around my finger.

I felt a twinge of shame as I realized none of those things were the reason for my frame of mind. My lips still tingled from the warmth of Jared’s kiss.

I melted into the sofa, turning my head to press my cheek against the cushion for support. I was so fatigued it felt like work just to breathe.

My heavy eyes rose to the wall of windows along the waiting room. Cynthia’s heels were clicking down the hall.

5. Disclosure

“Nina! For the love of Christ, why didn’t you call me?”

“I’m fine, Mom. I wasn’t hurt,” I said, swaying as she tugged and pulled on me to look me over.

She clutched me into her arms. “Nina Elizabeth Grey, if anything had happened to you, I swear to God . . . I swear to God I would have never forgiven him.”

“I’m pretty sure those men wouldn’t have cared if you forgave them or not, Mom.”

She gave me a wry look and hugged me again. “Well, it doesn’t matter now. You’re safe; that’s what’s important.”

“Did Beth call you?” I asked, trying to keep my eyes open.

“What do you mean did Beth call me?” Her voice raised an octave. “I’m not allowed to see for myself that my only child is safe after she is attacked in the street by some junkie? Nina, you infuriate me sometimes! What were you doing at a bar, anyway? On that side of town, no less, you could have been killed! And you have the audacity to ask—”

“Okay, Mom! Okay! I’m sorry!” I pulled her to me. She was near hysterics. Usually my mother didn’t go to such extremes, but she had enough to agonize over without me being assaulted in dark alleys.

Cynthia pulled away and held me at arm’s length. “Well, that’s enough of that.” She sighed, her typical poker face back into play. “Come, dear. I’ll send someone for your car.”

I shook my head. “I’m going to stay here and wait for Ryan to wake up.”

“You’re exhausted.” She argued in vain. We both knew that I wouldn’t change my mind.

Cynthia patted my knee and stood. “I expect you to be in your bed, resting in four hours. No excuses, young lady.”

I nodded as she clicked down the hallway. I rubbed my eyes and leaned back against my seat. The television was on a medical channel, something about insurance and prescriptions. It didn’t take me long to lose interest.

Three hours later, the ICU nurse stood at my side. “Nina?”

“Yes?” I sat up and blinked my eyes.

“My name is Jenny. I’m Ryan’s nurse.” She smiled. “He’s awake. He’s asking for you.”

I stood up and walked with her to the double doors. Before we made it through, a disheveled woman scampered down the hall toward us. She wore a brown waitress’ uniform, and her frizzy black hair failed miserably at staying in the messy bun she’d fashioned.

“I’m looking for Ryan Scott! I was told he’s in ICU?” She puffed.

Jenny looked at me and then back to her. “Are you his . . .?”

“Mother! I’m his mom. He’s here? Is he okay?” she said, breathless. “I’m Callie Scott. I’d like to see him, please.”

Jenny extended an apologetic smile and then turned to Callie. “He’s here, Ms. Scott. I’ll show you to his room.”

I trudged back to my seat, glancing at my watch. According to Cynthia, I had less than an hour to make my way home to rest. Unable to comply, I pulled my phone from my pocket to call in an explanation.

As I dialed, Jenny poked her head into the waiting room doorway. “Nina?”

“Yes?”

She smiled. “He would still like to see you.”

“Oh!” I said, surprised. I followed quickly behind her through the double doors, and we stopped three rooms down. When she pulled back the heavy curtain, the rings grated across the metal bar.

She smiled to her left. “I found her. She didn’t leave.”

I peered into the room and inwardly cringed at the tubes and wires leading from Ryan’s body.

“Hey, Nigh,” he rasped.

I managed a half grin. “Today is the only day I’ll let you get away with that.”

Ryan laughed and then winced.

“Take it easy, baby,” Callie said, searching for a place to touch him that wasn’t attached to a monitor or IV pump. She settled on brushing back his hair.

“Mom, don’t fuss,” he whispered, leaning away from her nervous stroking.

“Chad, Beth, and Josh were here earlier; they’ll be back,” I said, touching his foot.

Ryan nodded. “Is Jared still here?”

I shook my head, making the corners of Ryan’s mouth turn up. I wasn’t sure how much he had seen or how much he remembered.

“It’s a good thing he’s stalking you.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s not stalking me.”

“How else do you explain him showing up out of nowhere?” Ryan pressed.

“Who’s stalking you? Is this the man who attacked my son?” Callie’s face compressed with concern.

“No, Mom. He’s the guy who kept us all from getting killed,” Ryan said, watching my face.

Callie looked to me, still wanting answers.

I fidgeted under her stare. “He’s a friend of mine who came just in time.”

“As usual.” Ryan frowned. “You look like hell. Get some sleep.”

“I can sleep later,” I argued. Of course he would be worried about me while he was lying in a hospital bed.

“You can sleep now. My mom’s here. I don’t need both of you whining over every little thing.”

“I don’t whine,” I said, feigning insult.

“You can be kinda whiny.” He smiled and tapped his cheek. I maneuvered around the tubes and wires to kiss the spot he had indicated. Being this close to someone covered in hospital paraphernalia caused my ribs to wrench in an all too familiar way. I bit my lip with apprehension.

“Hey,” he reached up an arm to brush my cheek with the back of his fingers. “I’m going to be fine. I’d do it again if I had to.”

My face fell at his words. I knew how he felt about me and how it would end. I couldn’t stand it if I ever hurt Ryan enough for him to hate me.

My hands grabbed his. “You just concentrate on getting well before you start planning more knife fights, all right?”

He grinned. “Sweet dreams, Nina.”

~*~

I walked into the dark, curtains drawn and all bulbs extinguished. Beth was still cocooned inside her comforter, breathing heavily. I peeled off my coat and fell face down onto my bed.

I tried to lie still and relax; I didn’t want to let my mind wander. Allowing thoughts would mean envisioning the attack, the blood, the eyes of the man who wanted to cut off my hand to take my ring, the chilling sound of Ryan’s cry when he was impaled, and Kim’s horrified expression in the car. I didn’t even want to dwell on Jared’s lips. I just wanted to sleep.

My eyes shot open to the sound of the door being closed.

“Beth?” I called, listening for any motion from her side of the room. She didn’t answer.

I leaned up on my elbows and blinked my eyes several times until I could see clearly that Beth’s bed was empty and made. A note was on the back of the door, so I pushed myself slowly from the bed and ambled across the cold floor.

Went with Chad and Josh to the hospital.

See you there.

~Beth

Ryan wouldn’t be at the hospital alone. Of course his mother might still be there, but it was good that he would have his friends around him. Beth would be home late, I assumed. I looked at the clock.

Six o’clock!

Scrambling from the bed, I rushed to change and brush my teeth, pulling my hair back into a ponytail. Just as I grabbed my keys, my stomach growled. Going off campus alone now seemed like a bad idea, and hoping for something edible at the hospital was being optimistic. Dinner at the Gate meant a long walk in the bitter cold outside, which would keep my mind off more troubling circumstances. I zipped up my coat and locked the door behind me.

Soon I was within a dozen yards of my destination. I was right; shivering with every step had been the perfect diversion from the night before. I puffed out a steamy breath of relief as my mind concentrated on the warmth and subsequent thaw the doors of The Gate assured me.

As I reached for the door handle, a man stepped in front of me from the shadows.

I jerked to a stop. “Mr. Dawson?”

“Do you have the file?” he asked, his eyes intent.

Still on edge from the attack, my hands balled into fists, and I shoved them in my pockets. I glanced at the door handle, seeing that it was just a foot or two from me.

I forced my body to relax. “Mr. Rosen isn’t familiar with your transaction, but I could give you his number if you’d like.”

“So you’ll help me, then?” his eyes narrowed.

“I’m not sure why you would think this incessant harassment would encourage me to be of assistance to you at all.” I was lying, of course. I knew how the intimidation game worked. I’d seen my father win it many times.

“Nina, I’ve told you what I’m looking for. Your father and I—”

“Were involved in a property deal. You’ve said that,” I interrupted. “I’m his daughter, not his business partner. Please call Mr. Rosen.”

I reached for the door, but Mr. Dawson grabbed my arm. With a quick jerk, he yanked me toward him. I gasped as he whispered in my ear with his guttural, growling voice. “I’m not playing games with you, little girl. Your father has documents and photos that I want. The last time I saw them they were in a file in his office marked Port of Providence. I want that entire file, do you understand me? Unless you want Mommy to have to deal with me later, I suggest you do as I ask.”

Threatening my mother sent a courageous voice emanating from my throat. “Stay away from her!”

Mr. Dawson snorted. “Just like Jack. You never know when to back down.”

“My father didn’t back down!”

“And that’s what got him killed!” Mr. Dawson snarled, jerking my arm again.

I felt my eyes widen in stunned disbelief. His reply didn’t make sense. My father died after his car accident.

Mr. Dawson sighed and loosened his grip. “I’m doin’ you a favor, Peach. You don’t want to get caught within a hundred yards of that package. There are more dangerous things than me out there wantin’ it worse than I do. Bring it to me, and you and your mother will have a lot less to worry about.”

His fingers slipped away from my arm, and he disappeared into the shadows of the neighboring building. I leaned my head against the frosty glass door, trying to gain the courage to move. Once my body absorbed the adrenaline, I sucked in a gasp of air and slid to the ground.

He didn’t come. I was in danger and Jared didn’t come. I was surprised when the correlation hit me, and I wondered if I had just realized it or if I had known all along. The last time Mr. Dawson approached me, Jared was a no-show as well, but I reasoned that Ryan had been there. Ryan had controlled the situation enough so that Jared wasn’t needed. This time I was alone. This time I needed him.

Someone pushed the door open against me. “Are you all right?” A short, dark-haired boy with glasses came into view, poking his head through the semi-open door.

“Did you want to come in?” the boy asked, confused at his discovery.

I pushed myself off the ground. “No, thank you,” I said, my voice quivering. I wheeled around and headed to Andrew’s.

I didn’t look back to see his inevitable bewildered expression; I was too intent on my mission. I would return to my mother’s house and turn it upside down if I had to. I ran down the hall to the open elevator and tapped the button of my floor several times, leaning back against the rail. As the doors finally closed, my mother squeezed by them, causing them to jolt open once more.

“I trust you’ve slept,” she said.

“Is that why you’re here?” I asked, surprised.

“Do I need a reason?” She was very nearly offended, but dismissed my question to address more important things. “Nina, honestly, you look frightful. How much sleep did you get?”

“Enough.” I stepped out of the elevator and pulled her with me.

“What are you doing?” she asked, reluctant to be dragged along.

“I want to go home. Can I go home with you?”

“Of course.” I was sure she was curious what had possessed me to make such an atypical request; I had treated our home like ground zero of a quarantined leper colony since the funeral.

I tugged at her coat to quicken her pace, and she abruptly stopped. “What is going on, Nina?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, pulling at her arm again.

“This!” she said, motioning to my hand on her arm. “This is what I mean. What is so urgent?”

I exhaled in a frustrated puff. “Beth is at the hospital, and I don’t want to be alone. I’m sorry if I’m being overly enthusiastic.”

“Enthusiastic? Nina, you haven’t tugged on my coat like that since you were five. Is there another reason you want to go home?”

I stared at her blankly. I didn’t want to lie to her again.

“All right.” She sighed. “Robert is waiting in the car.”

En route, Cynthia fiddled with her carefully placed French bun and asked generic questions about school. She was suspicious of my behavior, but as was the norm with my mother, she insisted on overlooking the obvious to obtain a false sense of security. She didn’t speak for the rest of the trip home to keep from spoiling the illusion with trivial things like the truth.

Robert slowed down when he entered our long drive. My mother smiled at him when he opened her door, and I followed behind her to the house.

Once inside, I peeled off my scarf, hat, coat, and finally my gloves. I rubbed the residual chill still clinging to my arms, methodically going over my plan in my mind.

“Nina, don’t hover in doorways. It’s rude.”

“I’m going upstairs,” I said in passing.

I rushed to my father’s office, hoping my eyes would open to something I had missed before. I walked along the outer edges of the room and ran my hand along the surface of the wall, feeling the uneven texture with my fingertips. I tried not to concentrate on any one thing; I wanted to leave my mind open to any clues that I might have overlooked before.

My fingertips grazed the spines of my father’s books. I pulled a few of them out and looked behind them, knocking on the wall they stood against. I crawled under his desk and felt for anything abnormal.

When I found nothing, I returned to the walls, the cabinets, and then the bookcase. I went over them all again, trying to see them a different way, to touch them differently, to appraise them for anything that seemed out of place. As my patience waned, so did my objectivity. I began plowing through the cabinets as I had before, slamming them shut and muttering under my breath.

I sat on the floor against the front of Jack’s desk and stared across the room with my elbows on my knees. The answers were here; I was missing something.

I lifted my chin in interest when my father’s favorite painting caught my eye. I scrambled to my feet and reached under the edges of the large frame. Determined, I reached closer to its center, kneeled down and peered under it, and even pulled it a bit from the wall. I didn’t see anything remarkable, so I reached up blindly, hoping to find something that didn’t belong. There was nothing.

I stomped in anger. “DADDY!”

I looked around the room with my hands defiantly on my hips, blowing my bangs from my face. There were four other paintings in the room. I rushed to each one, mimicking the sweep I’d just done with the larger painting. I ripped the fourth one off the wall and searched the backside of the frame. Looking at the now-empty wall, I felt another scream of aggravation coming on.

How could there be nothing in his office? No safes, no secret doorways, no . . .

Keys. There were keys in Jack’s desk. The first time I’d searched his office I assumed they were his car keys. But the car he’d driven himself—his Jag—was totaled. Scrap metal. What were the keys to?

In my haste to get to the desk, my hip smashed into the corner with a loud crack. I stifled a cry and doubled over, using the desk to steady myself. I attempted to rub the sting away with one hand, and pulled open the drawer containing the keys with the other. I held the keys in my palm, trying to remember if I’d seen a lock that the keys might fit. I slowly turned my head toward the wall of cabinets. The center tower of files was locked.

Surely, he wouldn’t be this obvious, I thought.

I hobbled to the cabinets and tugged on the drawer. It was still locked.

I began with the first key. It only went in halfway. I tried three more keys; the fourth easily slid in, but wouldn’t turn. Two keys later, I found myself cursing my father, Mr. Dawson, even the metal in my hands. I gripped the last key between my thumb and finger and closed my eyes.

The key slid in, and I rotated my wrist. It began to turn, and then caught. None of the keys were to the locked file cabinet.

“DAMN IT!” I said, throwing the keys to the floor. I kicked the cabinet, walked away, and then returned to land another kick, this time denting the bottom.

Limping across the floor, I picked up the keys and tossed them into the desk drawer. I was done.

I walked down the hall with my hand still pressed against my throbbing hip and stopped at the top of the stairs. Cynthia’s voice was weary as she spoke on the phone. Idling for a moment before taking the first stair, I heard her speak my name.

“Nina’s fine. She’s upstairs, resting. What do you expect me to do? Forbid her to . . .? Honestly, you worry too much! She just didn’t want to be alone tonight. I heard some commotion upstairs; I assumed she knocked something over. It mustn’t have been as bad as . . .” She sighed. “Yes. I’ll check on her. Goodnight.”

Cynthia turned to look up at me. I sheepishly waved, cursing under my breath for getting caught eavesdropping.

“Are you all right, dear?” she called.

“I’m fine. I ran into a desk and bumped my side. Who was that?”

She shrugged. “Was it really necessary to yell out such profanities while I was on the phone? My friends were under the impression that I had raised a lady.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was being so loud.”

Cynthia nodded dismissively. “I’ve got a beautiful ham in the oven. You’ll be staying for dinner, won’t you?”

“Er, yes, I was going to stop by the hospital, but it can wait.”

Cynthia made her way up the stairs. I followed into her study, where she set some unopened envelopes on her desk.

“How is your friend doing?” she asked. I assumed she was just being polite.

“I’m not sure. I haven’t been back since this morning, but no one’s called to tell me otherwise. I’m sure there’s been improvement.”

“Wonderful news, dear,” she said, preoccupied.

She pulled her pearl drop earrings from her ear and placed them on the silver tray that sat on a small table near the wall. My eyes wandered to a hutch that matched her table and desk. The fronds of a plant obscured the top cabinet, and I focused on a small silver circle on the top right corner.

“Coming, Nina?” Cynthia asked, pausing at the door.

“I’ll be down in a minute. I wanted to check my e-mail if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” she smiled. “Don’t be late for dinner.”

I watched her walk out the door and waited as she descended the stairs. Once she was deeper into the lower level, I sprinted down the hall to my father’s office. Yanking open his desk drawer, I grabbed the small silver ring of keys.

With a sense of excitement, I hurried back to my mother’s study and pulled the plant to the floor. It was heavier than it appeared, and I grunted as I worked to set it down without overturning the whole pot onto its side.

After the first five keys failed, I blew my bangs from my face with a puff of air. Only two keys left. The sixth key slid in, and when I turned my wrist and the key continued to turn ninety degrees, I gasped.

Pulling the cabinet door open, I peered behind me for a just a moment, afraid of what my mother would say if she caught me snooping in her things. There were several files, so I pulled all of them out and spread them on the floor. On my knees, I thumbed through contracts, shipping papers, a receipt for the ring my father bought me, insurance claims and filings, and the occasional deposit slip.

I slid one folder to the side to uncover another with Jack’s no-nonsense scribble on it.

Port of Providence

My hands shook as I opened the flap of the folder. Did I really want to know? I felt I was opening Pandora’s Box.

A thick, wrinkled manila envelope sat on top. I pulled the packet from the file and opened it. It contained a stack of black-and-white photos. Picture after picture featured a dozen or so different men, but those same faces appeared over and over, at times alone, and at other times together. One man who was most often the subject in the pictures stood beside the governor of Rhode Island. Another man was pictured in both casual clothes and some type of uniform; I assumed he was a police officer in formal blues.

I’d seen enough movies to know that these were surveillance photos. I turned each of the pictures over, but they were all unmarked. I had never seen these men before that I could remember, and I couldn’t fathom why my father would have them photographed. I looked at the file on the floor, knowing I was about to find out.

A handwritten sheet of paper caught my eye, and I poured over it. I flipped to the next page and the next. My heart pounded as the words burned into my irises. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be.

“Nina? Dinner!”

I rushed to gather the files and shoved them into Cynthia’s hutch. I locked the cabinet door and heaved the clay pot back to its shelf. After returning the keys to Jack’s desk drawer, I met Cynthia in the dining room.

I sat in my usual chair, across from my mother. A steaming plate of food waited for me on fine china, and I grimaced as the mouthwatering smell invaded my nose. I realized I hadn’t eaten since five o’clock the evening before. I was famished, but couldn’t eat.

“Aren’t you hungry, dear?”

I furrowed my brow and stabbed a carrot with my fork. Her strained politeness would soon be chipped away and all the pleasantries would cease.

“Not really.”

“Well, why not?” I waited for the right words to come, and she rolled her eyes with impatience. “Really, Nina, you know I don’t like it when—”

“Has Daddy always been a criminal, or was it something he took up just before he died?” I blurted out, unconcerned with the consequences.

Cynthia’s fork fell to her plate with a shrill clang. She didn’t say anything for a long while. We both held our breath, waiting for the other to speak.

“What did you say?” she finally whispered.

“You heard me.”

“No. I don’t believe I did. I’m sure you misspoke.” Her eyes fluttered as she ended her sentence.

“Port of Providence.” I leaned forward in my chair, watching her expression change from insult to shock.

“What? Where did you hear th—” Cynthia stopped mid-sentence and shook her head. She was flustered, which she rarely experienced.

“I saw the file, Mother. Was it organized crime, or did he just skim off the top at the docks? You know his payroll was full of dirty cops, right?”

“Nina Elizabeth Grey! You will shut your mouth this instant!” I could see the wheels in her head turning, and then she stood up to come to my side of the table, sitting beside me. “You saw files. What files?” I could tell her fury was subdued; she would address my disrespect later.

“The files locked in the hutch in your study, Mother. Stop playing dumb.”

Her eyes tightened; my rudeness narrowly outweighed her curiosity. “I’ve never played dumb in my life, Nina. Why on earth would you—”

“I want the truth.” I didn’t let my eyes move an inch from her gaze.

“I didn’t bother myself with your father’s business dealings,” she said, turning away.

“But you know what I’m talking about when I say ‘Port of Providence,’ don’t you?” My accusing eyes bored into her.

Cynthia nodded slightly. “That’s not something you’d want to admit to having knowledge of, Nina. Forget you saw any of that,” she whispered.

“Forget!” I was in shock. My father was a criminal? A thief? My face twisted into disgust. “He stole from the distributors he shipped for, he sold things on the black market, he smuggled illegal contraband, and he used cops to cover up his dirty work. Police officers, Mother! All of which he gathered evidence against to keep them from turning on him!” My eyes glossed over with anger. “Everything we have is from blood money. Jack had people beaten. He’s had people killed.”

Cynthia wiped a tear and looked down at her lap. This took me off-guard; I had only seen my mother cry a handful of times, all of them following Jack’s accident and death.

“Oh, Jack,” she whispered, shaking her head slowly. She looked at me with sympathetic eyes, “You were never supposed to see those things, Nina. Your father was always so careful to keep you safe from that part of his life. He hasn’t been gone six months, and I’ve failed him.” Cynthia rose to her feet and trudged to the door.

I pushed myself away from the table and called after her. “Tell me I’m wrong, Mother. I need you to tell me this is a mistake.” My voice was closer to begging than the firm tone I’d meant to take.

Cynthia didn’t turn around; she wiped another tear and sighed.

I took a deep breath and braced myself. “Charles Dawson wants those files.”

“He knew where they were?” she shrieked, flipping around.

Anger surged through me. “You know who he is?”

“He worked for your father,” she said, touching her mouth nervously in thought.

I sat up higher in my chair, my muscles rigid. “Why is he harassing me, Mother? Why aren’t you upset about that?”

“Nina dear,” her tone turned soft, “I told you. Your father did everything in his power to keep you removed from his dealings. I understand you were frightened; but you were safe, I promise.”

“What does that mean? Why won’t anyone give me a straight answer?”

Cynthia tilted her head and raised her eyebrows, the way she did when I was little. “Wouldn’t you agree that after tonight, some things are better left unsaid?”

My immediate reaction was to scream at her and demand the truth, but she was right. I had lost my father again tonight, the reverence I’d once felt for him was replaced with debilitating disappointment. It was worse than losing him to death. All perception I’d had of him had been ripped away. He was no longer God in my eyes; he was just a man: a flawed, corrupt man.

I considered Cynthia’s suggestion and nodded.

She lifted my chin. “I’m so sorry, love.”

“I’ve got to get out of here,” I blurted, turning away from her touch. Everything I knew was a lie. I left her alone to fetch my coat.

“Where are you going?” she called after me.

“For a walk,” I said, bundling myself inside my hat and gloves.

“It’s freezing outside, Nina! Be reasonable! Please let Robert drive you!”

I yanked my purse over my shoulder and jerked open the door. “I’ll walk to the bus stop and catch a ride to Brown. I’ll call you when I get there.” I avoided her inevitably pleading eyes as I marched outside, slamming the door behind me.

Winter exploded in my face. The air was too cold to breathe, burning my nose and throat with each gasp of air that I took in. The wind had picked up, and the large snowflakes whipped around me. My hair thrashed against my face, and I squinted as the icy wind blurred my vision.

I tried to sort the new information, but the freezing air along with my anger blocked any rational thought I could have. I reached the end of the drive and trudged into the street, walking as fast as my legs could carry me. My home had become a dark, wicked thing where corruption and scandal took place. I couldn’t bring myself to look back, even though I had no intention of returning.

When the painful burn from the wind began to wane to a numbing sensation, I heard a vehicle slow down beside me. I continued to walk; I wasn’t in the mood to explain myself or argue with Robert. He was less capable of changing my mind than my mother.

“Nina?”

I knew that voice. It belonged to the one person I wanted to see. When I came to a stop, so did his SUV.

“I’m taking the bus, Jared,” I said, looking straight ahead.

“No, you’re not. I’ve come to take you home.”

I stood perfectly still except for the occasional weaving when the wind attempted to knock me over.

“Nina, it’s freezing outside.”

When I didn’t budge, Jared opened his door and walked over to me. He stared at me for a moment and then bent down, sweeping me into his arms. He carried me to the passenger side, pressing his warm lips to my forehead.

He placed me gently into the seat and paused. “What were you thinking?”

I couldn’t utter a single word. I felt broken; it was all too much for me to accept in such a short amount of time.

Once in his seat, he turned the heater to its highest setting and pulled forward. Occasionally, Jared would reach over and brush my hair back from my face or hold his warm hand affectionately to my cheek, but the only sounds were the heated air blowing through the vents and the road under the tires.

The Escalade came to a stop on the street behind Andrews. Jared walked with me to the door in silence, but when I put my hand on the knob, he touched my arm.

“Nina, I know it’s a lot to take in, but he loved you.”

My eyes focused, and I shot a glare at him. “You knew my father?”

Jared’s eyes tensed in anguish. “I know everything that he did was out of love for you, Nina. You were his world.”

“You don’t know anything about him,” I said through my teeth. “You don’t know anything about me, and unless you give me some answers, you can leave. I am sick of being lied to!”

“I’ve never lied to you,” Jared said, angry and shocked that I had dismissed him so easily.

“Why are you so secretive? Why do you always know where I am? How did you save us this morning? How did you do all of that?”

“This morning you were fine with not knowing all the details.”

“That was before I found out my entire life was a lie.” Angry tears overflowed and rushed down my cheeks. “I just need one thing in my life—just one—that I know is real. I need someone to be honest with me!”

“Nina,” Jared whispered, reaching out for me. I pushed him away, and he winced. “Don’t do that. I’ve had to stand by and watch you cry so many times. I can’t do it anymore.”

“What does that mean?” I asked him, keeping him at arm’s length. “What do you mean you’ve watched me cry? Please just tell me the truth!”

Jared hesitated and then sighed. “I can’t. Believe me when I say I wish to God that I could, but I can’t.” His eyes were heavy with a lifetime’s worth of frustration.

“I believe you,” I said, opening the door. “I don’t want to see you anymore. Please leave me alone.”

“Nina,” Jared said. I met his eyes one last time before shutting the door behind me. He knocked twice. “Nina,” he said in a low, desperate tone.

I pressed my head against the door and let out a weak, muffled cry. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t worthy enough for the truth. Anger took hold of me again, and I pushed away from the door, making my way to my room.

Beth sat at her desk, clicking the keyboard on her lap top when I swung the door open. She jumped and turned when the door knob hammered against the wall.

“Where were you? Ryan was waiting for you to come.” Her eyes bulged when she saw the expression on my face. “Nina?”

“I went to The Gate to get a bite to eat before heading to the hospital, but I ran into Mr. Dawson,” I said, slumping onto my bed.

“Mr. Dawson?” Her voice flew up an octave. “Why was he at The Gate?”

“He grabbed me and told me he wanted me to get the papers for him—”

“He grabbed you? Does Jared know?”

My eyes darted to hers with suspicion. “What makes you ask that?”

She hesitated, picking at her delicate fingers. “He always seems to have the best timing.”

“He didn’t show up this time.”

She leaned her head closer so that I would look at her. “Have you seen him today?”

“He just dropped me off.” I sighed.

“I don’t understand. He didn’t show up, but he brought you home?”

“Can we not talk about this anymore?”

“Oh. Sure. I’m sorry.” She dropped her arm from my shoulder and left me to sit on her own bed.

After a few moments, Beth sighed and fidgeted.

“What, Beth?”

“Nina.” I waited for her to gain the courage for whatever it was she was struggling with. She took another breath, but it didn’t equip her with the bravery she was hoping for.

“What is it?”

“You love him,” she blurted out, quickly bracing for my reaction.

“I don’t love him. I don’t know anything about him.”

“How much is enough to know about someone before you can love him?”

I thought back to the way I felt when I was around him, the way his touch sent electricity through my body, and the way I melted when he looked beyond my irises to something deeper, as if he could see my emotions dance around inside of me. I felt protected and whole in his presence that rivaled even the absolute security and love I felt being near my father. I shuddered when I considered how miserable my life would be if Jared did as I asked and left me alone.

“You love him,” Beth confirmed as she watched my expression. “He loves you, too, you know. It’s so obvious, almost as if he loved you before you met.” I shook my head in denial, and Beth’s voice raised a tone higher. “Nina. Seriously? After everything that’s happened?”

“If he does, it’s not enough to trust me with the truth.” I winced at my own words. I didn’t realize how hurtful it would be to say them out loud.

“He’s still not talking, huh?”

“I told him to leave me alone tonight.” Beth began to speak, but I continued. “I didn’t mean it. Well, I meant it, but it’s not what I want. All he has to do is be honest with me, but he just refuses.”

“Why do you have to understand it? Can’t you just be with him and forget about the rest?”

“Be with him how? I don’t even know where he lives. I don’t know his phone number, if he’s right or left-handed, or his birthday. I don’t know anything about him,” I said, disgusted with my predicament.

“I’ve seen you two together. It’ll all work out.” She smiled.

I rolled my eyes at her simple solution. Beth’s logic made my feelings more complicated than necessary, and I was glad when she seemed to give up. I was devastated about Jack, furious with Cynthia, and found Jared guilty on principle. Other than that, I didn’t want to think about it. Anger was easier to control than feeling betrayed.

~*~

Thursday morning I followed Beth to the table reserved for the coffee pots and various sugars and other creamers. Per her usual, Kim appeared behind us and complained about our additives. I gripped my travel mug with both hands, keeping in line with my friends.

Beth stopped in her tracks, initiating a pileup. I slammed into Kim, and the coffee I held exploded from the slit in the lid, splattering in a vertical line from the collar to the hem of my coat.

“Beth!” Kim and I both yelped in unison.

I looked down at my coat and used my mittens to brush off the dripping, mocha-colored liquid. Someone grabbed my arm and yanked me forward. I didn’t have time to see which of my girlfriends it was. Jared’s incredible blue-gray eyes caught my attention the second I looked up.

I took quicker steps than I should have to be within conversation distance, but once I stood within a few feet of him, I couldn’t speak.

“Running late, aren’t you?” Jared said, seeming pleased with my reaction.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, baffled.

He laughed and looked down. I saw from my periphery that Beth and Kim were just as awestruck as I was. I couldn’t imagine what had possessed him to show up here, and I was even more clueless at his carefree manner; as if our conversation from the night before had never taken place.

“Will you have a seat?”

I sat down immediately, in an almost comical fashion. He usually didn’t make an appearance unless he had something important he needed to say or if there were trouble. The scenarios were flashing through my mind. I stared at him in silence, waiting for the answer.

He crossed his arms on the table and leaned toward me. “I know you said to leave you alone, but I did a lot of thinking last night, and I had to see you. We need to talk.”

My mouth opened a bit in shock, and I shut it just as I looked up at Kim and Beth. Their mouths were in a similar state.

“We’ll, er, meet you in class, Nigh,” Kim said, raising her eyebrows.

I grimaced as they abandoned me. My shoulders felt so tense that they seemed to be hovering around my ears. I took a deep breath and forced them down to their proper position.

Jared appeared nervous and he swallowed. “Did I cross a line?”

“I want answers, Jared.”

The corners of his mouth turned up as he slid a card over to my side of the table.

I pinched the thin paper between my fingers and examined it. It was a generically ivory business card with his name and company name in chocolate brown writing. My heart kicked into high gear upon reading the next line, which contained his phone number.

“You’re giving me your number?”

“I am.” He waited for a moment with an expectant stare, and then I understood what it was that he wanted.

“Oh!” I said, scrambling to search my backpack for something to write on. I scribbled my name and number on a piece of paper and slid it to him, mimicking his smooth, single movement.

Jared grinned and poked the paper into his inside jacket pocket.

“What if that’s not my number?” I asked. “What if it’s the number to an anger management clinic for your sister?”

Jared shook his head, laughing once. “Then I’d give it to her. But I hope it’s yours. I need it to ask you to dinner properly.”

I could hear my heart pounding inside my chest, and when I thought he might be able to hear it, I felt my cheeks flush.

“I told you I needed answers first,” I said, trying to seem calmer than I felt.

“I told you we were going to talk, didn’t I?” His eyes were bright with amusement, even seeming a lighter shade of blue. “I’m going to call you this afternoon. Will that be all right?”

“Why don’t you just ask me now?” I said, incinerating any chance of seeming indifferent.

“Is that what you want?” he asked, raising his brow.

I nodded and a broad smile lit up his face. “Would you have dinner with me tomorrow?”

“I’d love to. Thank you.”

“I don’t want to make you late.” Even as he said the words, he seemed in no hurry to say good-bye.

We both stood, and Jared held the door open for me as we walked into the morning air. It felt surreal to be walking next to him on campus. He seemed less like a figment of my imagination surrounded by the scenery of my everyday life.

“I’ll pick you up around six thirty?” he asked, lightly grazing my fingertips with his. Electricity immediately shot up my arm, and my heart hammered against my ribs.

“Sounds perfect.” I couldn’t have chosen truer words.

Kim and Beth were waiting for me just inside the building, and I tried to keep from jumping up and down as I approached.

“What happened?” Beth said, grabbing my arm.

“We’re going out tomorrow night. Six-thirty.” I beamed.

“Yay!” Beth said, clapping.

Kim and I continued upstairs to our class. She wasn’t nearly as animated as Beth.

“Ryan isn’t going to be happy,” she said.

I angled my neck to emphasize my irritation. “I’m not with Ryan, Kim. He doesn’t get to be unhappy about it.”

“I know. I just think its poor timing on your part for you to go on a date with Jared when Ryan’s still in the hospital for trying to save your life.”

“Are you saying it’s wrong for me to go out with Jared because I’m obligated to Ryan now, since he was hurt defending me? Is that what you’re getting at?” I countered, pausing in front of our classroom.

“No. I am definitely not saying that. That would be very Casablanca of me.”

Kim smiled when I rolled my eyes at her, and we walked to our seats together.

6. Truth(s)

Patience is a virtue I do not possess. Amusement park lines, doctor’s appointments, college acceptance letters—they all are enough to drive me insane. Waiting for my date with Jared felt very much like torture. Each class failed miserably at holding my interest, and by midmorning, I had given up on taking notes. The final class of the day was insufferable. I bounced my knee up and down, tapped my pencil on the desk, shifted in my chair, and sighed at least a dozen times.

Beth touched my arm.

“Don’t interrupt my anxiety attack. It’s rude,” I whispered.

Beth pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. “Stop freaking out. It’s a date. You’ve had dates before.”

“Not with Jared.”

She tapped her finger on my forearm for a moment and smiled. “Why don’t we visit Ryan after class?”

“I think you’re brilliant,” I said, peeling off the last bit of my eraser.

By the time Professor Hunter had spoken the word “dismissed,” I had shoved the last of my things in my bag with the fastest path to the Beemer already plotted out in my mind. Beth struggled to keep up and growled with frustration when we reached the car.

“You’re ridiculous,” she said.

“You have no excuse. Your legs are longer than mine.”

She rolled her eyes as I put the Beemer into gear.

Ryan looked much better. He had more color in his face and the network of tubes and wires that had covered him just days before had all but disappeared.

“Hey there,” he said, stretching his torso. “They’re moving me to PCCU today.”

“That’s fantastic!” I smiled. “You’re going to be out of here in no time. Do you know what room number you’ll be in?”

Ryan shook his head. “I’ll call you and let you know, though.”

“You’d better. How else are we going to sneak in the illegal contraband?” Beth said.

“Speaking of which, did you happen to bring me another burger?”

Beth shook her head. “Nina was in a hurry to get here.”

Ryan didn’t enjoy her remark as much as I thought he would. “That’s surprising. I figured you’d be rushing to Andrews to get ready for your date.” He tried to sound casual, but I heard resentment in his words.

I glanced at Beth and then back at him. My face instantly flushed with anger.

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Calm down, Nina. Josh saw you at the Ratty. It pissed him off seeing Jared there. He doesn’t trust him.”

“It’s ridiculous that he’s upset about it at all,” I snapped.

“It’s not Josh’s fault. He just thinks I’m better for you than that double-oh-seven wannabe. I happen to agree,” Ryan said, squirming to sit higher in his bed.

“That double-oh-seven wannabe is the reason we’re alive,” I said through my teeth.

“C’mon, you guys. This can wait.” Beth sighed.

“You’re not going to go out with him, are you?” Ryan said, disgusted.

“Yes, I am. And I don’t care what you or Josh or any of your other buddies think about it.”

“Buddies?” Ryan repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Who says buddies, anymore?”

“Shut up,” I seethed. “Let’s go, Beth. Visiting hours are over.”

“Oh, c’mon, Nigh. Don’t leave mad,” Ryan chuckled, raising his hand toward me.

“I told you that you could only call me that once. The time limit on that has expired.”

“Nina, I’m sorry. Don’t leave. It’s none of my business who you date. I’m sure it’s obvious why I have a problem with it.” He looked down at his hands with a frown.

I stared at him for a moment. It was hard to hold onto my anger when he was lying in a hospital bed. “I hope they clear up whatever it is that has you acting like this before they release you.”

“Oh, I’m not that bad. You’re coming back tomorrow, right?”

“I will,” I said, ruffling my fingers in his hair.

He swatted my hand away. “I don’t want to hear about your date, all right?”

“I’m sure we can find other things to talk about.”

“We’d better go, Nigh. We have lots to do,” Beth said in a sing-song voice.

I stuck my tongue out at Ryan before following Beth to the car.

In search of the perfect outfit, Beth and I blew up my closet. Clothes were everywhere. Something too dark, too tight, too loose, too short, or not short enough covered every surface. I finally settled on a winter white three-quarter-sleeved sweater dress with my favorite fancy brown belt—it boasted a pearl in the center of the cross buckle—and brown strappy heels. Beth assured me over and over that my curve-hugging dress was the perfect balance of sexy and elegant. I stared into our long mirror and worried my dress was too short; I was all legs.

I passed the time taking a long shower, being extra careful about shaving my legs, plucking my eyebrows, and painting my toenails.

After all of the indulging, I’d still managed to be ready twenty minutes before Jared was due to arrive. My heels clicked against the elevator floor as I stepped in, and I couldn’t help but fuss with my hair and dress while I waited for the doors to open to the first floor. Walking down the hall, I checked my watch; I still had fifteen minutes before he would arrive. Just as I peeked out, the door popped open. Jared stood in front of me in a solid black dress shirt and charcoal-gray slacks. His hair had the slightest bit of gel in it, easing the subtle messy waves into each other.

I sucked in a tiny gasp, throwing my hand up to my chest.

“I’m sorry, did I startle you?”

“Yes! I wasn’t expecting you yet.”

Jared handed me a small but beautiful bouquet of pink and white tulips—my favorite—and smiled sheepishly. “I couldn’t wait until six-thirty.”

I pressed my lips together to keep from uttering the embarrassing truth, but I couldn’t stop myself. “I couldn’t either,” I blurted out.

A triumphant smile broke across his face, and then he helped me with my coat. He gently pulled me against his chest and whispered into my ear. “You are stunning.”

My ears burned. I willed the blush in my cheeks away, glad to be stepping out into the brisk air.

“Where are we going?” I asked as he pulled away from the curb.

“You’ll see,” he said, an excited grin spreading across his face. “I’m glad you agreed to come. After the other night, I wasn’t sure you’d say yes.”

“Well, after you ambushed me at the Ratty in front of everyone, I hardly had a choice.”

“Coercion was the plan all along,” he said, chuckling. He reached over and caressed my fingers.

“So this place we’re going to . . . Should I expect more strange cuisine or are you playing it safe this evening?” I casually turned up my palm to intertwine our fingers. Normally, I wasn’t so forward, but the rules had changed. We both knew that nothing about our time together was ever ordinary.

“It’s a surprise.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t like surprises.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I know.” I huffed. It was maddening that he knew me so well. “Am I going to learn anything about you tonight?”

“That’s the plan.”

Jared pulled onto a narrow street and parked beside the curb in front of a darkened building. I wasn’t sure what restaurant it was, but it didn’t look open. He took my hand and led me down an alley, guiding me around the water-filled potholes.

“Your cut has healed nicely,” I said. “I can barely see it.”

Jared simply nodded, leading me further into the darkness.

His hand left mine only to reach into his pocket for his keys. He unlocked the door and then stretched his arm toward the inside to signal me to walk in.

“We’re going up the stairs,” he said.

My heels clanged against the iron steps as I slowly climbed to a small landing. At the top, Jared edged past me to use his keys again. He stepped ahead of me this time, holding the door open.

I walked into a spacious bi-level apartment decorated in grays and blues. It was dimly lit, and the blinds were drawn, setting off the glow of the numerous candles lit around the room. Chinese panels and manuscripts from different parts of the world hung on the gray cinderblock walls, illuminated by track lighting. He didn’t have enough furniture to fill the space—or maybe it was simply clutter free—everything was in its place. The entire room was immaculate. The air was saturated with different spices and flavors, and the small round table displayed empty wine glasses and white plates.

“This is your apartment?” I asked, looking up the wooden stairs leading to the loft.

Jared stood behind me, sliding my coat from my arms. “Is that okay? I thought it would be the best place to talk,” he said, a bit anxious.

“No, it’s great. It’s amazing. You’re cooking?” I asked, preoccupied with my surroundings.

“Something like that. Try not to get too excited.” He tucked my hair behind my ears. “Have a seat. It’s almost ready.”

He took the flowers from my hands and whisked them to the kitchen, filling a vase with water. He reappeared, vase and flowers in hand, placing them in the middle of the table.

Jared brought a serving dish to the table and forked out a slice of meat.

“Pot roast?” I asked.

“Well, among other things.” He gestured back to the kitchen.

“No, no, it’s just that pot roast is my favorite. My father had a close friend who always invited us to dinner when I was little, and his wife made this amazing pot roast. It’s been a long time since I’ve had it, but it smelled a lot like this.”

Jared made a strange face, as if he didn’t know how to react to my little anecdote, and then returned to the kitchen. He brought out a bowl of steamed vegetables, a plate of dinner rolls, and a baked potato—all of them favorites of mine.

“You thought of everything,” I said, bewildered at the food sitting on the table.

“There’s an angel food cake in the oven,” he said, sitting across from me.

“I love angel foo—” I cut myself off when I realized how redundant it would be to say the words. “You knew that, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Jared said with an uncertain half smile. It sounded more like a question than an answer.

“We’re going to talk, right?” I asked, staring down at my plate.

“We are going to talk, but let’s get through dinner first.”

“I can do that.” I grinned.

I bit into the pot roast, and instantly I was seven years old, sitting in a homey kitchen with a million savory smells floating throughout the room. Cynthia was politely chuckling at something Jack’s friend, Gabe, had said, and Gabe’s wife circled the table in a light blue apron, spooning out vegetables onto everyone’s plate.

“How is it?” Jared asked between bites, bringing me back to the present.

I shook my head, searching for the words that would do the taste I was experiencing justice. “I haven’t had a meal like this in a long, long time.” I chewed. “Since I was a girl. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

Jared shrugged. “It’s my mother’s recipe.”

I smiled at that. It was the first time he’d ever mentioned anything about his life. “Are you close with your mother?” I asked, settling into my chair.

“We’re close now. I spent a lot of time away from her when I was young.”

I raised my eyebrows with interest, waiting for him to elaborate.

“School was very easy for Claire and me—we finished at a young age—and we went on to train in more specialized areas.”

“Specialized as in what you can do? Fight, I mean.” Although I was prepared for an outlandish explanation, I was surprised that it began in his childhood.

“Right,” Jared confirmed. “My father taught us much of what we know; he took us all over the world to round out our training.”

“What kind of training?” I asked.

Jared squirmed in his chair. My insides wrenched as I watched him struggle; I wanted to somehow make it easier for him. I reached across the table and slid my fingers between each of his.

“This is why I’m here, right?” I said, offering a reassuring smile. Jared relaxed a bit and gently squeezed my fingers.

“We were trained to defend ourselves, to defend someone else, and received all the training each branch of the military receives, including tactical, structure penetration, reconnaissance, patrolling, hand-to-hand combat, demolitions, weapons, and field medicine. You get the idea.”

“Why?” I said in a more incredulous tone than I’d intended.

Jared took another bite, considering my question. I couldn’t wait for him to decide the best answer.

“Your father was in the security business?” I prompted.

“More along the lines of security detail.”

“Bodyguard stuff.” I nodded.

Jared chuckled. “Yes, bodyguard stuff.”

“So Claire went through the same training?” I imagined tiny Claire training with the Navy Seals and shuddered. I wasn’t sure if it was because I feared for her safety or because she was even more dangerous than I had previously thought.

“We were separated a lot. When she proved to be accelerated in most things, we trained together.” His face twisted with irritation.

“Accelerated?”

“She could hit a target from fifteen-hundred yards by the time she was eleven. She’s probably the best sniper the military has ever seen.” He waited for my reaction. After seeing the deliberate smooth features of my face, he continued. “You can imagine how many elite branches of government and private–sector organizations are falling over themselves for her, counting down the days until her eighteenth birthday.” He said the words with a hint of the tone a protective father might have when discussing his daughter’s first date.

“Are you close?” I asked, remembering the way they had reacted to each other in the pub.

Jared frowned. “I love her. She’s my sister.” The crease between his eyebrows grew deeper, “She’s also obstinate, and like most teenage girls, she’s self-absorbed but in a lethal-type of way because of her training.” He was suddenly far away. “Claire’s been through a lot. She didn’t get to have a normal childhood because of the way we were raised, and she’s angry about a lot of things.”

“Are you angry about the way you were raised?”

“No,” he said softly but with firm conviction. There was no pause between my question and his answer. He scanned my face with such affection that I felt myself fidgeting with unease.

“Why is that?” I bit my lip, still apprehensive about the intensity in his eyes.

“We’ll get to that later. Dessert?” he asked, squeezing my hand before letting go.

I noticed the absence of his touch instantly when my hand turned cold. He took my nearly empty plate and returned with the perfect-sized slice of angel food cake. No icing, no layers. Just the way I liked it.

I took a bite and closed my eyes as I chewed. “You have more than one talent, Mr. Ryel,” I said after swallowing the moist, spongy goodness. “Tell me more about you. I want to hear the little things, too. You know all of my favorites; it’s only fair that I know yours.”

Jared laughed once. “Okay.” He wiped his mouth with his napkin and leaned against his chair. “The little things . . . I was born in Providence on May ninth. I’m twenty-three,” he explained. “Breakfast is my favorite meal. Summer is my favorite season. I don’t have a favorite color, but I’ve always been partial to that crazy green-honey brown color of your eyes. I have this addiction to sweet potato fries.”

“Well, there you go. I knew something about you after all.” I grinned.

“See? I’m an open book.”

I rolled my eyes. “Go on.”

“I think best when on my motorcycle; I don’t have time for hobbies. I have a sister, whom you’ve met.” I nodded. “And a little brother, Bex, who’s eleven. They both live with my mother, but Claire spends a lot of time here. Sometimes too much.” He grimaced.

I giggled. “And you have your own security business?”

The second I’d asked, I wished I hadn’t. Jared’s eyes clouded over into familiar twin storms.

“I brought you here tonight to be honest with you, Nina.”

“I know,” I said, trying to sound braver than I felt. Whatever it was, I would listen, believe, and figure out a way to live with it. I had no other option. Now that I’d met him, my life would never be the same again. It would be something too peculiar for anyone else to accept, but I had seen enough in the past months to know anything was possible. “I want you to tell me everything.”

Jared looked away. “You may feel differently before the night is over.”

I tilted my head to draw his eyes to mine. “After everything that’s happened, you don’t think I know there is something abnormal going on? I’m here, aren’t I?”

Jared leaned over and touched my cheek with the palm of his hand. I couldn’t help but lean into it; his skin was always so warm that it radiated into my bones.

“Okay, then. The truth.” He took a deep breath. “My father has been close to your father for a long time.” He watched my expression, but that part I was somewhat prepared for.

He continued, “My father served as protection for your father, and as you can imagine, Jack was a full-time job. He made a lot of the wrong people very angry on a regular basis.”

I winced. I had come to this conclusion after reading the Port of Providence file, but hearing it from Jared rubbed salt in the wound.

“I’m sorry, Nina. I don’t like telling you this; it goes against the very principle I was raised on.” Jared reached his hand across the table to mine.

“What do you mean?”

“That’s what my family does, Nina. We protect your father and your mother and you.”

I shook my head. “I don’t understand. Your family protects mine? Since when?”

“My father has known Jack since before you were born, before he married your mother.”

I felt my eyebrows pull in. “Why haven’t we met before?”

Jared squeezed my hand. “We have. One of my earliest memories is of Jack encouraging you to take your first steps. We went on family vacations with you; I watched you blow out the candles on your birthday cakes; I saw you drive your first car; we were always in the background.”

I shook my head. “When we had lunch, I asked you if we’d met. You said we hadn’t.” Frustration made my words sharper than I had intended.

“We hadn’t met in the way you were inquiring,” Jared pointed out. “From the moment I sat beside you on that bench, I’ve been careful not to lie to you, Nina. I promised myself that if the day ever came that I could finally be in your life—in a real way—I would always be honest with you.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Your father protected mine?”

Jared nodded.

“Who is your father?”

“Gabe Ryel.”

“Gabe is your father? But I don’t remember you. I spent time in his home. You weren’t there.”

“Claire and I were away. We had to start our training early to be ready in time. Bex is eleven and he’s already finished school. He’s been in training for the last eighteen months. It’s just the way it works.”

“It’s the way what works?”

Jared winced at my irritated tone. He was struggling with each piece of information now. He spoke as if he expected me to run away with every new fact he revealed.

“I’m getting to that.” He shifted nervously.

I pulled my hand from his and lowered it to my lap. “I don’t remember any of that.”

Jared watched me pull away from him with a pained expression. “You weren’t supposed to. Your father did everything he could to keep you from the dark parts of his life. He did love you, Nina.”

I shook my head, trying to keep the tears at bay. I couldn’t think of any words. Jared stared at me for a moment and spoke again. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

I blinked, composing myself. “Yes, I’m sure.” Knowing something real, even if it was hurtful, was far better than living a lie.

Jared sucked in another breath. “About the time I was ready to work alone, you were becoming more independent. It was eighteen months before there was a need for my training. Up until then, I’d felt like a babysitter.”

I cringed at his choice of words.

“Five days before your sixteenth birthday,Jack had begun a deal with the cops you saw in the surveillance photos. My father told Jack it was a bad idea, but the bottom line was always the money, and those men,” Jared spoke with disdain, “were the easiest way to bypass the system.

“Once Jack realized that dirty cops are a different breed of criminal with even less regard for the law, it was too late. Jack was used to being targeted, but he wasn’t prepared for them to go after you. No one had ever been stupid enough to push Jack that far.”

“After me? We’re talking three years ago, and I had no idea? How is that possible?”

“Because I’m good at my job, Nina. I had to be.” Jared tensed as he continued, “I’d hoped your father would be honest with you—although at the time I wasn’t sure why—but it only made Jack even more determined to keep you from the truth. He didn’t want you to live in fear, and I couldn’t argue with that logic.”

“What made you change your mind?”

Jared’s hands locked together on top of the table. “The first time you were targeted I took a bullet to the shoulder. The training made it automatic for me to stop that bullet, Nina, but in that one instant, my eyes were opened. The moment I saw Tipton’s finger press against the trigger, I wasn’t protecting you because I had to. For the first time, I realized that I could lose you.”

“You were almost killed?” I gasped. I imagined him bleeding from a bullet wound while I went on with my life, oblivious. My heart faltered.

Jared crossed his arms on the table and smiled. “Not even close.”

“So these feelings you have for me . . . You had them before I ever knew you existed,” I said, more of a statement than a question.

Jared grimaced, incensed at my choice of words.

“Nina.” He shook his head. I had obviously offended him somehow. “I was in love with you before you ever knew I existed. It was difficult to be around you for hours on end and not be able to comfort you or touch you or even speak to you. I wasn’t allowed to let you see me, but it was my job to watch your every move. That included standing by while people lied to you, betrayed you, and caused you pain.

“Jack reminded me constantly that it had to be that way. He could see that every day it grew harder for me to be nonexistent, to be invisible to the woman I loved.” His eyes were unfocused, mulling over the memories that troubled him.

Jared had now said it twice: He was in love with me.

“You can’t imagine the rage I felt seeing some sleaze who didn’t appreciate you take you to dinner, take you for granted, kiss you, and make you cry. It was my duty to protect you, and I wasn’t allowed to protect you from that; although, I would have gladly murdered Howard without a second thought the night of your sixteenth birthday.”

Adrenaline rushed through my veins, and my mind burned through the memories of that night. Stacy Howard was my first and only boyfriend. He personified the stereotypical supercilious rich boy, complete with rebellious nature and bad attitude. The longer I put-off a physical relationship with him, the more acerbic he became. It didn’t take long for me to grow tired of him, but just when I’d decided to end things, Cynthia insisted on it first. Playing the part of the stubborn fifteen-year-old daughter to perfection, I grudgingly stayed with him just long enough to show my mother that I would make my own choices.

We had been together for just over a year when he’d chosen my party to break it to me that he was in love with Emma Noble, my then best friend. His plans were unnecessary when I caught them having sex in the pool house before he had a chance to tell me. I was so relieved I barely noticed.

“You’re referring to Stacy.” My eyes narrowed.

Jared nodded with an angry expression on his face.

“You knew about that?” I wailed.

Jared shook his head and closed his eyes. “From the moment it began. It was hell watching him go back and forth, not being able to tell you or kill him. He was just a kid, and I wanted to end his life somany times,” he whispered in a low, intimidating tone.

I buried my face in my hands. Fire exploded across my face and ears. It was worse than anything I could have possibly imagined. Jared hadn’t just been hired to protect me since my father had passed away; he’d observed my awkward tween years, my humiliations, and every one of my embarrassing failures.

The degradation was unbearable. I sprang from my seat and headed for the door, but before my first step, I heard Jared’s chair grate against the floor. In the next moment, he gently wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.

“I know this is humiliating for you,” he spoke quietly in my ear. “I wanted to tell you. I begged Jack to let me expose that cheating little maggot so many times, but he wouldn’t let us interfere unless it was absolutely necessary. His doing that to you on your birthday,” he said, fuming, “was the breaking point for me. That night was the first time I’d fought Jack on anything.”

I flipped around and pushed away from him. “I’m not humiliated about Stacy! That was years ago! I’m humiliated because of this!” I said, gesturing to the space between us. “When you meet someone new, that’s the way it’s supposed to be! New! You know all of my bad habits. You’ve seen me do God knows what. You’re only supposed to know the best parts about me in the beginning!”

He stood there for a moment, shaking his head with an expression of confusion and awe. “I love everything about you.”

It was at that moment that I realized why his eyes seemed so familiar to me. “You were there,” I whispered, scanning his face.

Beyond the cocktail dresses, the twinkling lights draped from every tree and light post, and the smell of the freshly cut grass and imported flowers my mother insisted on, his eyes flickered in my memory. I pressed deeper, feeling the light sheen of perspiration on my skin from the exceptionally warm night, the smell of the chlorine from the pool, and the sounds of the crowd humming in happy, flowing conversation.

When I’d glanced across the lawn at my father, I’d caught the glowing blue eyes of a stranger standing by the koi pond. His tailored suit and absent tie set him apart from the sea of tuxedos. Our eyes had connected for only a second before he’d reluctantly pulled them away to face my father, who was having a low, serious conversation with him.

My memory replayed in slow motion as the chiffon of my short white dress waved gently against my legs. Once again his stormy blue eyes had singled me out of the crowd, and I’d shied away from his stare.

I snapped back to the present when Jared called my name.

“You were speaking to my father by the pond. That was you,” I said, my eyes wide with realization.

Jared’s brows pulled in. “You remember that?”

“It was just before I’d gone to the pool house. Jack was by the pond, talking with that face he made when he was giving orders.” I tried to recall every detail I could. “You were throwing rocks in the pond; I only saw you for a moment, but that was you, wasn’t it?”

Jared nodded slowly. “I wanted to throw Stacy out, take him somewhere, and, I don’t know, punish him, I guess. Jack refused, but he realized how I felt about you then. He insisted that my family, including me, be kept a secret from you indefinitely. That was a rough night.” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I am so sorry,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say. My heart ached for all the years he’d spent as a ghost.

Jared took my hand in his and pulled it to his chest. It was then that I realized I’d been absently twisting my peridot ring around my finger.

“I picked up this ring, you know,” he said, brushing his lips against my fingers. “Cynthia was up to her neck in party details, and she’d forgotten to get it.” He smiled. “Because you were in my father’s presence, I was sent to pick it up for you.”

“Great. They used you as a gopher.”

“I volunteered. I wanted to,” he explained. “I can’t describe the way it made me feel to see your smile when you opened the box. You were so pleased with it, and I had a part in that,” he said. His smile faded. “Later, it helped a little with the misery of never being able to console you when I’d see you twist this ring around your finger. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it has always been comforting to see you reach for it when you’re upset.”

I stared at him, bewildered. I wasn’t sure how to feel; even with the suspicions I’d already had, I couldn’t have prepared myself for what he was telling me.

“Please don’t leave,” Jared whispered, still holding my hand to his chest.

I looked down at my feet and then reached down to unbuckle the straps of my shoes from around my ankles. “You’d just follow me if I left, right?” I said, kicking off my shoes.

“Even if it weren’t my job,” he said with an impish grin. He looked down at my bare feet. “I’m glad you’re staying. We still have quite a bit to discuss.”

“There’s more?”

Jared nodded and led me to his small gray couch.

“Maybe we should save the rest for another night. It’s a lot to take in.” He sighed.

I ignored him. “Why did you sit beside me on that bench the night of Jack’s funeral?”

“You were crying. Jack was gone. I couldn’t think of any more reasons to stay away.”

“What about your father? Didn’t Gabe care that you were breaking the rules?”

Jared looked to the floor. “He died the morning of your father’s funeral.” He spoke as if exhaustion had just set in.

I gasped. “Gabe is . . .?” I couldn’t finish.

Jared had comforted me just hours after his own father’s death. I gently pulled his chin to face me. His eyes were thick with grief, as if he were experiencing it for the first time.

It dawned on me how it must have felt to Jared to see me suffering and the deep need he struggled with to make it go away. I felt the same urgency that very moment. My eyes focused on the thin line between his lips, and I moved a bit closer to him.

Jared rested his soft hands on each side of my face. He leaned in slowly, inches from my mouth. His jaw tensed; he seemed to be struggling with what he had been told was the right thing to do and what he wanted.

He shook his head. “This isn’t why I brought you here,” he said, pulling away from me.

“I know.” I sighed.

Jared stared at the floor, working to even out his breathing.

I touched his arm. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we’ve had enough truth for one night.”

“Do you want to leave?” he asked, concerned.

“No!” I paused to regain my composure. “No. I just meant that maybe we could talk about something else if you want.” I fidgeted. “Your training, what schools you went to, friends, girls,” I said, a corner of my mouth turning up.

“Girls?” he repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“You know about my utter failure when choosing a boyfriend, and I’m sure you saw the awkward dates I’ve been on.”

“Those were never good days at work for me,” he said, furrowing his brow.

“It’s only fair,” I reasoned. “You must have had at least one bad date.”

Jared shook his head dismissively. “I didn’t have time to date.”

I wasn’t sure what expression was on my face, but it made Jared’s eyes squint with chagrin. He clearly didn’t expect to talk about his love life or lack thereof.

“I was focused on keeping you alive. Making mistakes in my family means more than having to say you’re sorry.”

“Never?”

Jared squirmed in his seat. “It wasn’t that I never had the opportunity or that I wasn’t allowed the time or even encouraged.” His face twisted into a disgusted scowl. “I just had my priorities.”

“Should I feel guilty or flattered?”

Jared looked straight into my eyes. “By the time it occurred to me to care about things like that, I already knew you were all I’d ever want.”

I controlled my eyes from bulging from their sockets, but I couldn’t stop my mouth from turning up into a half-surprised, half-appreciative grin. My eyes focused on his lips again.

“So why did you bring me here?”

He shrugged. “You said all I had to do was tell you the truth. That was all I needed to hear.”

“When did I say that?” I felt my eyebrows pull in as my mind rewound the night’s conversation.

He hesitated. “To Beth, last night.”

“In my room? How did you hear that?”

Jared sighed and sat taller in his seat, bracing for round two. “Just hear me out before you leave,” he said in a low tone. “It’s my duty to protect you. I can’t do that without knowing where you are at all times. I couldn’t walk around freely in your dorm, so we had to have eyes and ears in place.”

“What do you mean eyes and ears?”

“Your father was meticulous.” He was stalling.

“Spit it out, Jared.”

“When you were accepted into Brown, Jack had cameras installed in Andrews and different places on campus. We tracked the GPS in your car, of course, but that had been in place the day Jack bought it. We tracked the GPS in your cell phone as well, and your parents’ house has always been wired.” Jared spoke casually, but he was braced for another outburst.

“There’s a camera in my room?” I spoke slowly, the anger and shock nearly choking my words.

“No! No, no, no.” Jared chuckled nervously. “There’s a camera in the hall. We only placed a mic in your room.”

I considered that for a moment, trying to recall if I’d ever done anything embarrassing. Nothing came to mind—I hoped that nothing would.

Jared squirmed. “Just to be clear, I don’t enjoy invading your privacy in that way, but it is necessary.” I pouted as a smile spread across his face. “Well, that’s not true. I enjoyed it last night.”

I tensed, closing my eyes. “What did you hear?”

Jared’s warm hand touched mine. “I heard Beth say that you loved me. And I didn’t hear you deny it.”

My eyes popped open. “You heard wrong, then. I did deny it.”

“I heard you try to convince her otherwise. Are you telling me that I’m mistaken?”

I pulled my hand from his in defiance. I didn’t like being ambushed.

He smiled at my stubbornness. “The second you walked away from me, my choice was clear.” His expression didn’t last long when I didn’t return his smile. “You’re angry.”

“I have no secrets.” I sulked. “Does my mother know about this?”

Jared nodded. I threw up my hands in frustration, letting them smack loudly into my lap. He kneeled in front of me on the floor, forcing me to look at him.

“It was necessary, Nina,” he said, lightly touching my bare knees.

“So that’s how you always miraculously appear?” I was aware that he knew my whereabouts, but I had no idea I was being spied on twenty-four seven.

“That’s part of it,” he said with the evasive tone I was bitterly becoming accustomed to.

“The other part is?”

“I’m getting to that.”

“There’s more?” I howled.

“First, since you now know the worst part of it . . .” I rolled my eyes. “I owe you an apology,” Jared said.

“I’d say so!”

“I’m sorry about Mr. Dawson. Claire was on watch both of those nights, and she made the decision to let it get farther than I would have for Intel purposes. She wanted to know what Mr. Dawson knew.”

“Claire watches me, too?” I shrieked.

“Yes. I’m sorry you were scared. I relieved Claire the second I heard the news, which is when I came to take you home.”

Initially I was furious, but the anger disappeared when I remembered feeling desperate for Jared to intervene. How could I be angry with him for wanting the same thing that I did?

“I thought you would come,” I whispered.

“You what?” he said, surprised.

“When Mr. Dawson threatened me, I expected you to show up at any moment. It made the whole thing tolerable.”

“Tolerable?” He was angry and didn’t speak for several minutes after that. His jaw flitted under his skin, and he occasionally shook his head. I waited for as long as I could, but I finally prompted him.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, searching his stormy eyes.

“The first time that you expected me to protect you I wasn’t there.” He spoke the last three words as if they were poison in his mouth.

“You can’t be there every second, Jared. You’re only human.” I returned my hands to his. He brought my hand to his lips.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his face twisting in torment.

“It’s okay,” I said, surprised. I didn’t expect his reaction.

His earlier description of the suffering he had experienced while witnessing my pain materialized. His time with me must have seemed like purgatory. I felt an overpowering urge to comfort him, and I was just inches away.

“It won’t happen again,” he promised. His eyes were fixed on mine.

“I’m holding you to that.” A match had been lit inside me; I was burning from the sudden need to touch him, to alleviate the self-loathing in his eyes.

I leaned forward and rested my fingers against each side of his neck. My thumbs grazed his jaw line, the fear of rejection a faint memory. Pulling him closer, I pressed my lips against his. He cautiously returned my kiss, but when he began to pull away I refused to let go.

After a brief, surprised pause, Jared gave into my insistence, wrapping his arms around me and pressing me against him. A quiet hum of satisfaction escaped my lips, and his mouth grew more urgent against mine. He sat up on his knees to tighten his grip, and his hand clutched the back of my neck. My breath became ragged as his lips parted and his outstandingly warm tongue found its way to mine. My knees parted, and I pulled him against me, eliminating the tiny space between us.

He groaned in frustration, and then his grip tightened, holding me a few inches away by my shoulders.

“What?” I said.

He took a few deep breaths before answering, staring at my lips. “We still have a lot to discuss,” he said, letting go of my shoulders to press my knees together.

“I’m done talking,” I whispered, leaning in again.

Jared gently restrained me, amused at my fortitude. “I can’t,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I brought you here to tell you the whole truth, not just half of it.”

I sighed in resignation, sinking back into the couch cushion.

He smiled at my pouting. “Not that I’m not incredibly tempted.” He sat up on his knees again and brushed his lips against mine, pulling away as quickly as he began.

“Okay. Let’s talk,” I said, more eager than ever to have everything out in the open. “You haven’t been honest with me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“You can’t tell me that you haven’t had time for girls, now. Not when you kiss like that.”

Jared’s expression was ecstatic, and then he made a poor attempt to disguise it. “I beg to differ. I’m not an idiot. It’s not a difficult concept.”

“I have kissed boys, some of those boys more than once, who never kissed like that.”

Jared closed in and kissed my neck—from collar bone to the line of my jaw—stopping to whisper in my ear. “That’s because you kissed boys, sweetheart.”

My heart pounded so loudly that I was sure he could hear it. I let out a long sigh. “Okay, you’ve got to tell me the rest. The suspense is killing me.”

Jared shifted to the couch, turning to face me. His face returned to the worried frown he had before.

“Jared, thus far it’s my understanding that you’ve been raised by a family of assassins. You’ve spied on me, stalked me, installed microphones in my bedroom, and confessed to falling in love with me before I could drive. If I haven’t left by now, I don’t think I’m going to.”

His face screwed into disgust. “We’re not assassins.”

“Have you ever killed anyone?"

Jared raised his eyebrows, shocked at my pointed question.

“I, er, yeah, but it was to keep you safe,” he explained.

“You killed people for me?” I asked, my mood immediately shifting.

“Don’t feel a second of guilt for those people, Nina. They wouldn’t have lost a single night’s sleep over taking your life.”

I swallowed. “Do you regret it?”

He didn’t hesitate. “Never. It’s who I am.”

“What does that mean? You’re a killer?”

Jared rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I don’t think of it that way. We’re protectors. Though there are those who disagree.”

“Like who?” I shook my head, thoroughly confused.

“You’re getting ahead of me.”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself.”

“I know.” He rubbed his temples with his thumb and forefinger and sighed.

“You’re making me nervous.” I laughed without humor. He looked up at me; the hardness of his eyes didn’t relieve my trepidation. “Is it that bad?”

“It’s just implausible. It will be your first inclination to be skeptical, and I don’t blame you. But it’s the truth.”

I nodded and then took his hand in mine. “I’m ready.”

“Gabe,” Jared paused for a long time and then cringed, “isn’t from here. He’s known your father since Jack was an infant, but it wasn’t until Jack was a bit older that they met.

“When Jack was twenty-one, he worked for a man named Van Buren. While working there, he befriended Van Buren’s oldest son, Luke, and because Jack spent so much time with Luke, my father, in turn, spent quite a bit of time in Luke’s home.

“It didn’t take long for Luke’s younger sister, Lillian, to catch Gabe’s attention. Lillian is my mother. Similar to the way I feel about you, he couldn’t stay away from her. Eventually, he made the choice to reveal himself to her, which is against the rules.”

I started to ask about the rules, but Jared held a finger up so that I would let him continue. “Gabe made a huge sacrifice to be with Lillian. He loved her, and so, as far as he was concerned, he had no choice. Even though he had given up everything, his existence still depended on Jack.”

I shook my head. “Why did it depend on my father?”

“Gabe was assigned to him. My father and those like him are each assigned to someone—a Taleh—from their birth. Because I’m half of what my father was, the draw doesn’t occur right away. We have to figure it out on our own, and that’s part of why my siblings and I are the bastards of Gabe’s world.”

“Gabe’s world? I’m sorry, Jared. I don’t understand.” I shook my head in frustration.

Jared’s hardened expression smoothed into a warm smile. “I know. You will. I’m trying to explain this in the best way possible. Trust me.”

“Sweet potato fries?” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

Jared’s grin widened. “Sweet potato fries.”

He watched me for a moment, and several emotions scrolled across his face. His hands touched my cheeks, and then he pressed his lips against mine. It felt as if he were saying good-bye.

He reluctantly let me go and avoided my eyes when he spoke. “We aren’t accepted by Gabe’s family or his enemies. It makes it difficult to do our job in some ways and easier in others.”

“You mean as protectors,” I determined. Jared confirmed my revelation with an approving nod, but my expression caused his small smile to vanish.

“What?” he spoke in a soft, hesitant tone.

“Are you saying there is a society of protectors out there that all do what you do?”

“S-Sort of. But it’s providential.” He waited anxiously for my mind to catch up to what he was saying.

“Providential?” I repeated, letting the word simmer. Providential protectors. He chose his words carefully, specifically attaching divinity to describe the family he referred to. When the comprehension hit, Jared winced. “Are you talking angels, Jared?” I said, indignant.

“I told you it would be your first inclination to be skeptical.”

I waited for him to tell me he was joking, but his eyes were far from amused. I stood up and paced between the table and the couch.

He was serious.

He expects me to believe he is a . . . He’s my guardian angel! My mind mulled over wings, halos, and harps, and I laughed out loud. Jared watched me pace as if he were afraid he’d sent me over the edge.

“I’m not an angel,” he said as if I were totally off-base. “My father is. Was,” he corrected.

“You’re half . . .” I trailed off, unable to mouth the word. I felt ridiculous for even considering it.

“Human,” he amended, intercepting the alternative.

My thoughts traced to Jared’s lobbing the man the impossible distance across the parking lot. “That does explain some things, but . . .” I shook my head. I wanted to believe him, and that made remaining objective more difficult.

Jared walked toward me, but I instinctively took a step back.

He cringed at my reaction. “I would never lie to you. Do you believe that?”

Just a few moments before I was determined to believe anything he had to say. Jared was asking me to believe in fairytales, in the supernatural. His anxious eyes searched my face, begging for me to believe. I was worth his truth, and I stood cruelly obstinate. The need to ease his anxiety overwhelmed reason.

I touched his fading scar with my fingers. “It makes sense, really.”

I had described him as angelic once when I hadn’t realized it was closer to the truth than I could have ever imagined. With his glowing blue-gray eyes, his strength, the flawlessness of his face, and the way he moved, it would be the only explanation. It suddenly didn’t matter if it were possible. I believed him.

“I still have questions,” I said.

Hope touched Jared’s eyes, and he led me to the table. I took a bite of my half-eaten slice of cake and giggled.

“Something’s funny?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Angel food.” I pressed my lips together, stifling a laugh.

Jared chuckled and sucked in a big breath, seeming relieved.

“Angel food. Good one.” He attempted an annoyed expression, but the relief on his face thwarted his efforts.

“Sorry.”

“You’re forgiven,” he said immediately. “So now you know.”

“Everything?”

“Pretty much.” A fresh energy seemed to surround him. “There’s more, but it’s the logistics of what I’ve told you, and part of that . . . Well, it’s best that you don’t know about them.”

“Them?”

“You know the stories, Nina. Where there’s light, there’s dark. If I go into detail and you become aware, it attracts them. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

My body suddenly felt cold, causing my shoulders to curve in and shudder. I knew exactly what he was talking about: demons. Of course they would exist if angels did.

Jared’s eyes sympathized with my reaction, and he pulled my chair closer to him, leaning over to kiss my forehead. “I suppose I didn’t think through the consequences of promising absolute truth. I don’t want you to be afraid, Nina. I would never let anything happen to you.”

I took a deep breath and put on a brave face for him. “I know.” I shook my head. “There is so much that I don’t understand.”

“You have more questions?” he asked, ready for the next barrage of inquiries.

I looked at my watch. It was almost midnight. “I’m not sure I can get them all in tonight.”

“You have somewhere to be?”

“No. I assumed you wanted to sleep sometime. You do sleep, don’t you?”

Jared smiled. “I do. But I don’t require as much . . . just a few hours to recharge. Claire and I take shifts.” He sighed and touched my arm. “I owe you another apology. I hadn’t slept long—about twenty minutes—when Claire called to inform me that you had wandered out of town and were stranded on a dark road. She was prepared to let you wait, but I couldn’t just let you sit in the cold. I’m sorry I was so abrupt.”

“Cranky when tired—check.” I nodded once.

Relief brightened Jared’s face. “This is surreal. I’ve dreamed about how I would tell you for years, and now it’s done.”

“And here I sit, in front of my half-angel Hybrid boyfriend, eating cake. I think I win.”

Three lines appeared on Jared’s forehead when his eyebrows shot up. “Oh, it’s boyfriend, now, is it?”

I swallowed hard, feeling the heat radiate from my face. I picked up my wine glass and took a large gulp.

“Are you okay?” Jared asked, concerned.

I cleared my throat. “I’m fine. I just . . . I didn’t mean . . . Ugh!” I moaned, covering my eyes with one hand.

“Nina,” he chided, “as if I’m not thrilled beyond words at that idea.” Jared pulled my hand from my face. “What could you possibly have to be embarrassed about?”

“Just forget I said anything, okay?” I said sheepishly.

“Absolutely not.” He smiled.

I involuntarily yawned, using the back of my fingers to cover my open mouth.

“I should take you home,” he said.

“I don’t want to go home. I still have questions,” I argued, wiping the inevitable tears that followed.

“We have a long, long time for Q and A, sweetheart,” he said, tucking my hair behind my ear. I smiled, realizing why he always seemed to pull my hair from my face the moment it crossed my mind.

I yawned again, but stubbornly shook my head. “The cut on your face?”

Jared touched it with two of his fingers. “There are pros and cons to being what my father’s world calls Half-breeds.”

I wrinkled my nose at the word. “Sounds derogatory to me.”

“It is. Most Archs don’t believe we should exist, and the Others see us as the enemy as well.”

“Archs?”

“There are several types of angels: Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones . . . nine in all. Archangels serve as protectors for humans. They relay messages, fight demons on occasion, and protect their Talehs against harm, from demon and human alike. But all humans have Archs, and even if their Taleh is threatened by another Arch’s Taleh, Archs are forbidden to harm humans. They are strictly protectors, but that protection has limits because of the Laws. Claire, Bex, and I are half-human, freeing us from many of those restrictions, just like my father when he chose to live as a human.”

“So Gabe turned human?”

“No. He relinquished the ability to transfer planes.” My expression must have reflected how foreign the words sounded to me, because he stopped to explain. “To be invisible. Falling from grace has a price. Archs are cursed when they choose to stay, and that curse carries on to their offspring, although it lessens with each generation. As the blood is diluted with the human gene pool, so is the curse.”

“What kind of curse?” I asked. His world was much darker than wings and harps.

“Archs are obligated to protect their humans even after they fall, and because their priorities have been compromised, so to speak, the curse keeps that obligation in check. Fallen and their offspring, like Archs, don’t get sick and we can’t be killed. But unlike Archs, we experience a degree of pain and have a limited life span. Once our Taleh die, we almost immediately fall ill and expire.”

“So you lost your father when I lost mine,” I whispered.

Jared nodded infinitesimally and wiped a tear from my eye.

I leaned away from his hand. “Please don’t do that. Don’t comfort me for your father’s death.”

Jared shook his head. “I can’t stand to see you cry, not when I’m close enough to stop it.”

“I’m so sorry, Jared.” I couldn’t imagine having to experience the constant worry of not only my father’s mortality but someone else’s as well, for the sake of my father.

My eyes widened as my thoughts shifted. “I’m your Taleh?”

“You are.” He sat up a bit taller as his sad expression warmed at the thought.

“How do you know?”

“It’s a feeling we get. When you’re in pain, embarrassed, scared, sick, happy, aroused”—he looked down for a moment, seeming embarrassed—“we feel it to a lesser extent.”

“You can feel it when I feel those things?”

“It’s hard to explain. I guess I could liken it to a mosquito buzzing in your ear.”

“So, if I bump my side on my father’s desk?”

“I can sense it,” he confirmed, amused that I had caught on.

“Was that you on the phone with my mother?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. You hit pretty hard. I’d be surprised if you didn’t bruise,” he said, lightly touching the exact spot where I had collided with Jack’s desk.

“I did bruise. I thought you said my parents’ house has cameras. Couldn’t you see that I was okay?”

“Your father’s office is the only room in the house that isn’t wired. When you’re in there, I have to rely on my senses. I’d prefer it if you wouldn’t spend so much time there in the future.”

I nodded, preoccupied with an errant thought that had popped into my head. “So if I’m cramping . . .”

Jared closed his eyes and nodded. He clearly didn’t want to dwell on the subject.

I giggled in disbelief. “That hurts you?”

Jared chuckled and rolled his eyes. “I don’t get cramps, Nina, no. I’m aware of it.”

His answer caused my giggles to erupt in laughter. I was definitely feeling the effects of fatigue.

I tried to remember where we left off before my short bout of hysteria. “When did you know I was yours?” I asked. Jared’s eyebrows lifted and I corrected myself. “When did you know that I was your Taleh?”

He nodded in understanding, but a grin lingered on his lips. “Archs are assigned to their humans, but Half-breeds—”

“Hybrids.” I didn’t like him using a derogatory term to refer to himself.

He smiled. “Hybrids have to figure it out on their own. That’s another reason Archs resent us—it leaves our humans vulnerable for a time. They don’t agree with that.”

“Lots of cons.” I sighed.

“There are pros,” he assured me. “We have few advantages over the Archs, the most important being that because we’re half-human, we can kill other humans to protect our Talehs if necessary. We can see the Archs, even if they remain hidden to humans. We also retain a fraction of their pronounced strength, focus, intelligence, and accelerated healing. Archs are indestructible, and they don’t bleed. Bullets don’t bounce off of them; they simply pass through them.”

I glanced at his fading scar. “But you bleed.”

“Yes, but we heal quickly. Very quickly.”

“So, the wings thing . . .” I yawned as exhaustion set in.

“You don’t have to worry about me sprouting feathers, Nina.” He chuckled. “Archs don’t fly. They simply appear where they wish to go. I’ve always found the pictures a bit silly myself.”

“I like those pictures,” I argued.

“You’re disappointed, then?” The corner of his mouth pulled up as he rested his hand on the back of my chair, leaning towards me.

“Not really. I’d rather be sitting across from my angel without wings than looking at a picture of an angel with them.” I could feel his breath on my lips, and I leaned closer to him.

Jared fell against his chair. “I knew this conversation was going to be difficult, but it’s become difficult for a completely different reason.” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“Why is that?” I asked, surprised at his sudden retreat.

He glanced up at me with a smirk. “I thought I’d have to stop you from running out into the street in a panic; instead, I have to concentrate on finishing everything I want to say before you get me too flustered to speak at all.”

The blood pooled under my cheeks, and Jared stroked my face with his thumb, tracing to my lips.

“It’s a nice surprise,” he said, letting his thumb slide from my chin.

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll try to restrain myself.”

“Why don’t you leave that up to me?”

I raised a dubious eyebrow at him and he chuckled. His demeanor had improved one hundred percent since the beginning of our conversation, and I couldn’t help but grin.

He outlined my fingers with his and I yawned, relaxing with his warm touch.

He gave me a disapproving look. “Nina.”

“I still have questions,” I said. “You said you don’t get sick. Ever?”

Jared shook his head with an amused smile; he was enjoying my interview.

“But the rest, about dying after your Taleh, do you . . . ?”

“Yes.”

I gasped. “But that’s not fair!”

“Nina, don’t forget I fully intend to grow old with you.” He enveloped me in his arms then, pulling me into his lap. “I literally can’t live without you, but I wouldn’t want to, even if I could.”

I struggled for words, but they never came. Jared’s expression tensed as though he might have said too much, and the need to relieve his quandary had me searching for new questions.

“That’s convenient, isn’t it? That your and Gabe’s Talehs just happened to be father and daughter?” I asked, hoping to take the uncomfortable expression off his face.

“It’s great for carpooling.”

I tried not to smile. “Seriously.”

Jared leaned his forehead against my cheek, taking in the scent of my hair. “It’s quite common. Archs are family as well as an army, existing in groups. Those groups are generally assigned humans that are related or connected in some way. It creates stronger bonds with humans.”

His candid desire to grow old with me made my heart race, and I was suddenly focused on his mouth. After all, he’d only qualified that we wait until he told me everything.

And we were so close.

“How many like you exist?” I asked to distract myself. I didn’t want to give him another reason to point out my embarrassing lack of self-control.

“Not as many as you might think. As I said, it’s taboo to get too involved with humans. It’s even worse to fall in love with one—to betray your seraphic family for one.”

“So how can they protect us if they despise us?” I asked, incensed.

“It’s not that, Nina. They have an almost maternal love for humans. They see you as innocent, naïve children. Falling in love with a human is frowned upon by Archs as humans would an elderly man falling in love with a five year old. It’s a social taboo; it’s inappropriate. It’s not because they’re disgusted by humans. Some feel that way, but those types of emotions lead to falling farther than earth.”

“De—”

“Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. Especially in my presence, they tend to hover.”

A shiver traveled down my spine, but when Jared pulled me tighter to him, I instantly felt more at ease. As I relaxed my cheek against his neck, I yawned again.

“All right, it’s morning. Time to take you home.” He stood up and in the same movement, lifted me effortlessly in his arms.

“I’m not leaving until you kick me out,” I said, feeling slightly intoxicated.

“Then you may never leave,” he said, kissing my lips.

He sat beside me on the couch, and I leaned against his chest, sliding my arm across his middle and nestling my head under his chin. He didn’t speak; the only sound in the room was the buzzing from his ceiling fan and our quiet rhythmic breaths.

Before I could focus the fuzziness in my brain to form another question, exhaustion engulfed me, and my eyes became too heavy to keep open. I relaxed further into Jared’s side, feeling my consciousness slip away. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling—I felt I was just where I belonged. My last coherent thought was the contentment I felt as Jared’s warm arms tightened around me.

7. Caught

The mangled, dark blue sheets underneath me were unfamiliar, but their wonderful scent was one I recognized right away. I lifted my head, peering around to study my surroundings. I was in a king-sized bed that sat against a gray cinderblock wall. The alarm clock on the night table read nine o’clock in large red numbers.

My eyes drifted to a metal frame beside the clock, and I blinked to bring it into focus. It was a black-and-white picture of me. It had been taken from an indefinite distance, zoomed in on my face. It was from a high angle, and it reminded me of the surveillance photos I’d seen in the Port of Providence file.

Rolling over, I hugged the pillow next to me. It smelled like Jared, and I took in a deep breath. His scent was incredible—like line-dried laundry, soap, and something else. The way it smells when it’s about to rain? I couldn’t put my finger on it.

The only rooms upstairs were his bedroom and a closed door to what was likely the master bath. The far wall beyond the end of the bed wasn’t a wall at all, only a metal railing.

I heard Jared’s voice speaking to someone else in French downstairs. His company’s voice was distinctly female. They argued in hushed tones, and in my limited knowledge of French, I thought I heard Jared reprimand the woman for waking me.

This piqued my interest, so I tiptoed to the railing to steal a glance at the woman below. When my fingers met the metal bar, I saw that Jared and Claire were both looking up at me. I waved sheepishly and bit my lip, feeling foolish for trying to sneak up on celestial beings.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Jared said, almost crooning.

Claire’s expression was the polar opposite of Jared’s. She glared up at me with ice blue eyes, as if she wanted to scale the wall with murder in mind. I recoiled, feeling out of place.

While avoiding her eyes, I noticed crisply folded bedding at the end of the couch. Jared had slept downstairs.

“If you’d like to shower, fresh clothes are on the dresser. You’ll find everything you need,” Jared called up to me.

On the dresser sat a neatly folded stack of clothes and beside them a pair of boots. My eyes darted to the opposite side of the dresser where my toiletries sat. They were all from my dorm room.

“Where did you get these?”

“I had Claire bring them,” Jared explained, making his way up the stairs. When he reached the top, he pulled me to him and kissed my neck.

I glanced down to Claire, who hadn’t ceased her death stare. It was clearly more than intimidation. If Jared hadn’t been near, I would have been afraid for my life.

“Don’t worry about her. She won’t bother you,” he assured me as he pulled me away from the railing. “Did you sleep well?”

His face was positively lit up; I couldn’t recall seeing him quite so cheerful.

“I must have. I don’t remember anything after we sat on the couch.”

I ran my hands over his light blue T-shirt, my fingers gliding over the perfect highs and lows of his chest and abdomen. He was incredible. I’d seen plenty of physiques like his on posters, commercials for exercise equipment, and movies, but never in person, certainly never within my grasp.

Jared tightened his arms around me. “I was careful not to wake you. You’re so peaceful when you sleep.”

“You slept on the couch?” I said, letting my disappointment show through.

“I reconsidered several times,” he said, his lips brushing my neck when he spoke.

“When did she bring my things?”

“Earlier. She’s been in and out a lot.” He frowned. “She’s not happy about our conversation last night. I assume it has something to do with that.” Chuckling at my inevitably worried expression, he kissed my forehead. “Breakfast will be ready soon. I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

After my shower, I reluctantly crept down the stairs. Claire and Jared watched me approach the table with equal but conflicting focus.

“You’re beautiful,” Jared whispered before he kissed my cheek and pulled out a chair.

Claire continued to glower as I sat across from her.

“Claire,” Jared warned. Her irritation turned to him, then. I felt a brief moment of relief.

“Thank you for bringing my clothes, Claire,” I whispered. As soon as the words left my mouth, I thought better of it. Her icy blue eyes shot back at me, and I sunk back into my chair.

Jared stared at her until she shifted uncomfortably. “You’re welcome,” she grumbled, looking down at her plate.

“Ham, mushroom, green pepper, and cheese omelet with toast.” Jared pointed out each with his butter knife as he spoke and then shoved a forkful into his mouth.

I stabbed the eggs and took a bite. He was an incredible cook. Everything he had made for me was exactly the way I liked it.

“Mmmm. That’s good. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”

The fork clanged against my plate as I chewed the last bit of egg, and Jared rested his chin on his hand, amused at my shameless appetite.

Claire sighed in irritation. “You should be aware that Cynthia knows Nina spent the night here last night.”

With indifference, Claire watched Jared’s face morph into anger. “And how does she know that, Claire?” he seethed.

“I told her,” Claire admitted.

Jared slammed his fist on the table. I jumped, but Claire didn’t react. I watched them stare the other down, wondering if I should distance myself from the line of fire.

Jared noticed my growing unease and placed his hand on mine. “What exactly did you tell her, Claire? More importantly, why?” he spoke through his teeth, working to keep his tone calm.

“You didn’t give me a choice, Jared. After what happened at the hospital and last night, Cynthia needed to know what was going on. That’s what Dad would have done.”

“Dad’s not here.” Jared’s voice broke as he fought to keep his calm.

Claire crossed her arms. “Obviously, Jared, or you wouldn’t be insisting on going through with this. You’ve gone against everything Dad taught us, hours after he died. I tried to tell you, but you won’t listen.”

“You can go now, Claire,” Jared snarled.

Claire’s stoic expression faltered at her brother’s stern tone. “Fine. Cynthia is waiting at Andrews. Maybe she can stop this before it gets too far.” Claire shoved herself away from the table, grabbing her keys and motorcycle helmet. I cringed when she slammed the door behind her as she left.

The force of the door crashing into the door jamb caused the shelves on the walls to tremble. I peered over at Jared, whose jaws worked under his skin.

“So she knows about us. So what?” I said, squeezing his hand.

Jared didn’t answer right away, and I could tell that he was trying to calm down before he spoke.

“This complicates things,” he said in a low tone. “We should get you back. The longer she has to wait, the more difficult it will be.”

I stood and shook my head. “Have I missed something here? This is my mother we’re talking about, right? Why are you so nervous?”

Jared took our plates to the sink and then went directly to the coat stand.

He held out my coat and tried to smile, but it resulted in a twisted, pained expression. “Ready?”

Nodding, I twisted into my coat. I was glad when he took my hand and held it until we reached his SUV. I was even more pleased that he didn’t release it for the entire drive to Brown, but he didn’t speak a word until we reached Andrews.

He put the Escalade in park and looked straight ahead, releasing my hand to grip his steering wheel.

“Aren’t you coming in?” I asked.

Jared shook his head. “I’m the last person she wants to see.”

“O-Okay,” I said, unsure of what to make of his behavior. Jared admitted standing up to my father once, but he wouldn’t face my mother.

I reached for the door, but Jared grabbed my arm and pulled me to him with worry in his eyes. His hands cupped my face, and he pressed his lips against mine with a sense of urgency. When he finally released me from the kiss, he leaned his forehead against mine, closing his eyes.

“You act as though you’re never going to see me again,” I said, suddenly nervous.

“I can’t ask you to go against your mother’s wishes, Nina.”

I laughed once in surprise. “You think she’s going to tell me to stay away from you?”

“That’s exactly what she’s going to do.”

I shook my head. “You should know my mother has a poor track record for changing my mind. Even she knows it.”

“She seldom fails to get her way. Just don’t listen to her.”

“Her tricks work on everyone but me. I’m not going anywhere.”

One corner of his mouth turned up, but it seemed contrived.

“I’ll call you later, okay?” I ran my fingers through the sides of his hair, and he pressed his forehead against mine again.

“Okay,” he whispered.

The Escalade stood motionless until I was inside the building, and then it slowly pull away.

Knowing he would be listening, I hurried to my room. I was anxious to calm the storms in Jared’s eyes, even if that meant going toe-to-toe with Cynthia Grey.

I opened the door and froze. Cynthia stood in the middle of the room, her arms crossed, prepared for confrontation. Beth twisted around in her desk chair, meeting my eyes with a sympathetic expression.

“I think I’m going to grab some coffee. Would either of you like me to bring you something ba—”

“No, thank you,” Cynthia snapped. She must have been far beyond anger; she was never cross enough to be so rude.

“I’ll take some, Beth. Thanks,” I said, making a show of appreciation. Beth nodded and grabbed her coat, rushing out the door.

“Where were you last night?” Cynthia demanded.

“You know perfectly well where I was,” I said, mimicking the set of her chin.

This took her off-guard. Cynthia typically relied on the element of surprise.

She recovered quickly. “You can’t get involved with Jared, Nina. You don’t know anything about him. Trust me.”

“I know enough, Mother.” I sat on Beth’s bed and looked to the floor. I would have to choose my words carefully.

Cynthia reared her head and stepped in front of me. “Nina Elizabeth, it’s too dangerous. I know you think you know him, but you don’t.”

I laughed once. “If he’s dangerous, then why is he being paid to protect me?”

Cynthia’s mouth flew open. “That arrangement was between him and your father. You’re not listening. He’s not dangerous to you. It’s dangerous for you to be . . . to become involved with him. He has just as many enemies as your father.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” she asked. “Do you know what you’re getting yourself into? I don’t think you have the slightest idea of where this could lead or the choices you’ll have to make. I don’t think he’s thought this through, either, or he wouldn’t have done this. Maybe not, maybe he’s too selfish to care—”

“Selfish?” I shrieked. “How can you say that about him? After what we’ve put him and his family through, Mother?”

“Is that what this is about? Guilt?” Cynthia paced the room, arms still crossed.

“No!” I gasped. “It’s nothing like that,” I said, embarrassed that Jared could hear her words.

She closed her eyes and sighed. “Nina, please, I’m begging you. You know that I want you to be happy, but this . . . This is not going to end well.” Her voice was quiet.

I smiled. “Does anything end well?”

Cynthia heaved her usual resigned sigh, but this time it was different. It was the same she used in the seldom event that she lost an argument to Jack.

“I wish this one time, baby, that you would listen to what I’m trying to tell you. The last few months have been the culmination of every fear I’ve ever had.”

I had been unaffected by my mother’s infamous guilt trips since I was thirteen, but now that she’d used Jack’s death, I couldn’t break free of the blame. She had never wanted me to find out the truth, and I imagined that it was the one thing she wanted to remain unchanged after we lost my father.

When I thought of her dishonesty and how she’d kept secrets about Jack and Gabe and the Ryels from me for years, the guilt turned to anger.

“You can’t tell me how to feel,” I glowered.

“It’s not too late, Nina. You can save yourself,” she said, lifting my chin. Her uncharacteristically soft affection caught me off guard, but I was resolved.

I pulled away from her. “I don’t need to be saved from Jared.”

Cynthia sucked in a sharp breath and pinched her nose with her thumb and finger. “Nina.”

I could see that she was finished. She had pulled every trick from her bag and laid her cards on the table. I felt triumphant as I imagined Jared smiling at my words.

Beth returned then, sitting beside me on her bed.

“Hazelnut and Splenda,” she smiled, handing me a Styrofoam cup.

“Thanks, Beth.”

Cynthia looked at me, exasperated. “I’m going home now. Please think about what I said. It’s important.”

“I will.” I tried to conceal my relief at her departure.

Beth closed the door and then turned to me. “Did she just give you the sex talk?”

“What? No!” I twisted my face in disgust. The thought of discussing my sex life with my mother made my stomach turn, and Beth clearly had the wrong idea about several things.

“You stayed with him last night?” The corners of her mouth turned up in an enthusiastic grin.

“Yes, but I fell asleep. It wasn’t like that.”

“Oh. Well, did you have a good time?” she asked, deflated.

“We went to his loft. He cooked—”

“He cooked?”

I nodded. “He brought me flowers, and there were candles everywhere. We talked for hours into the morning.”

Beth pulled her knees up to her chest. “Wow. I told you he was in love with you. I have a sixth sense about these things.”

“You’re amazing,” I granted.

“Thanks for noticing,” she said. Her eyes narrowed with her grin. “When are you going to see him again?”

“Later today, I hope. Our morning was sort of cut short.”

“Cynthia,” she said. I nodded my head, and she stood up, gathering her things.

“I’m going to the hospital with Chad and Tucker in an hour. Do you have time before you meet back up with Jared?”

“Yes,” I said, deciding in the moment.

Beth dialed her cell phone, calling Chad to let him know that I would be tagging along. Quickly after he answered, her voice lowered. She tried to be vague, but I could tell Chad, Tucker, or both, had a problem with me going. Beth won in the end, and she turned to me and winked.

I was relieved to arrive at the hospital; Tucker and Chad didn’t seem angry with me, but there was an obvious air of tension in Chad’s Jeep. I wasn’t sure what all the apprehension meant until we arrived at Ryan’s new room in PCCU.

Ryan didn’t look happy to see me. In fact, he behaved as if my very presence was an insult.

He wasted no time before he pounced. “So how was your date?” He sneered.

“I thought you didn’t want to hear about it.” My answer was automatic and venomous. I hadn’t intended to sound defensive, but his spiteful attitude took me by surprise.

“That was before Beth called everyone looking for you at three in the morning. It went that well, huh?” He bristled.

I looked over at Chad and Tucker; this is what they were worried about.

Beth looked at Chad with an angry glare, and he shot her an apologetic smile.

“It wasn’t me, babe!” He shrugged.

“Who was it?” she snarled.

Ryan rolled his eyes. “It was Josh. What does it matter?”

Beth stomped to my side of the room in protest, crossing her arms.

“What business is it of Josh’s?” I said. “If everyone’s so worried about me upsetting you, why do they keep passing on my business?” I was being entirely too defensive, but I was still raw from my earlier encounter with Cynthia.

“Maybe they want me to talk some sense into you.”

“Or is it because you’re making everyone think they have to choose sides?” I narrowed my eyes and mimicked Beth’s crossed arms. We must have looked ridiculous side by side: the Prom Queen Mafia.

“There are no sides.” Ryan’s nose wrinkled at my words.

“Really?” I raised an eyebrow. My eyes darted to Chad and Tucker standing on one side of the room and then at Beth beside me. “It sure seems like it to me.”

Ryan ground his teeth and looked out the window, clearly too angry to continue.

I sighed. “If you’d just give him a chance . . .”

Ryan sucked in a sharp breath, readying himself to let me have it, but he cringed and grabbed his bandaged wound, letting out a muffled grunt instead.

“Ryan,” I groaned, reaching for him. The pain in his face sent guilt burning through me. I took a step closer to his bed.

“Just go, Nina. Just go,” he said with his eyes clinched shut.

I wanted to apologize, but nothing could make it right. I would never be sorry for being with Jared, and that was my only crime in Ryan’s eyes.

I trudged to the waiting room without another word. My perfect morning had transformed into an abysmal day.

Beth, Chad, and Tucker returned after half an hour, and we walked to the Jeep in silence. I tried to find solace in their conversation on the way back to campus, discussing Ryan’s improvement, his possible early release, and the funny stories they were trying to cheer him up with, but nothing helped. I was considered the scarlet letter when I had done nothing wrong.

As we pulled into the campus parking lot, my cell phone buzzed. The display lit up and Ryan’s name and number scrolled across the screen. I clambered from Chad’s Jeep and pressed the phone to my ear.

“I’m sorry, Nina,” he blurted out apologetically. “You were right; it’s no one’s business. I just didn’t expect . . . I don’t know what I expected.”

“It’s not what you think. I just fell asleep,” I explained.

“We’re friends, right, Nina?” he said. My insides wrenched at the exhausted sadness in his voice.

I covered my eyes with my hand. “Of course we are. I hate it that you’re mad at me.”

“I have no right to be. I just need to know that I didn’t ruin everything.”

Ruin everything? He was lying in a hospital bed, healing from a wound that I could have prevented. The guilt was unbearable.

“I’m sorry,” I choked out.

“I’m a jealous idiot, Nina. Just promise me you’ll come back. I won’t be a jerk again, I swear.” His voice bordered on begging, and I was desperate to take away his regret.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Beth smiled after watching me stuff my cell phone into my purse. “I’m glad you two got it worked out.”

“Me, too.” I sighed.

Once in my room, I dialed Jared’s number. The tone repeated over and over in my ear, and I was caught off-guard when the voicemail prompt beeped in my ear.

“H-hey, Jared,” I stuttered. I had fully expected him to answer. “It’s Nina. I’m back from the hospital and just thought I’d give you a call. Talk to you soon.”

After two hours, I became suspicious when I hadn’t heard from him. He had been so anxious about the outcome of my mother’s visit that I couldn’t imagine why he’d wait so long to return my call. It didn’t help when I realized he had probably heard my message in real-time the second I’d left it.

Just as I had lost the fight to keep from calling him a second time, there was a knock at the door.

“Happy Saturday, ladies,” Kim said, bursting in.

“Hey, Kim,” I said, disappointed.

“Well, I love you, too.”

“She was expecting Jared,” Beth explained.

“I heard the date went well.” Kim raised her eyebrows repeatedly.

“I fell asleep. He slept on the couch.”

Kim wrinkled her nose. “Bummer.” She immediately turned her attention to Beth. “What are we doing tonight?”

“Oh, Chad is taking me out. Sorry,” Beth said, not sounding the least bit sorry.

Kim smiled. “Oh well, maybe you can have a more interesting time than Naughty Nina over there.”

I stiffened, knowing that Jared or Claire could hear everything. I felt the blush span from collar bone to crown.

“Whoa! Just kidding, Nigh!” Kim said, mistaking my embarrassment for anger.

Kim forced me to rehash the entire evening. It was difficult for me to explain the length of time that I’d spent there and leave out everything that Jared had told me. I kept checking my phone, even though I knew no one had called.

Beth discussed the juicy details of our earlier visit to the hospital, which seemed to intrigue Kim.

“What did you expect? He’s crazy about her,” Kim said. “I know you really like Jared, Nigh, but Ryan’s a good guy, too.”

“I know,” I said, looking at my phone again.

“Who are you expecting to call? You’ve been checking your phone like a crack addict waiting on her dealer,” Kim chided.

“Kim!” I wailed, my face burning again.

“What is with you, today? I thought you slept last night,” Kim asked, confused.

“I did. I just wish you would keep your mouth shut!”

“Nigh, we’re in your room. Who’s going to hear?” Kim looked at Beth as if I’d gone insane.

“No one,” I said. “You just . . . nothing. I have to go.” I grabbed my coat, shoved my phone in my purse, and headed out the door. I wished that Jared had forgone the microphone part of the truth. I didn’t feel comfortable having a normal conversation in my room.

By Monday, I still hadn’t heard from Jared. It was heartbreaking that he was somewhere close yet he refused to speak to me. Even after everything Jared had said, my thoughts continued to return to one horrible prospect: that for some reason after he’d dropped me off, he realized how unworthy I was of the adoration he’d felt for so long.

The week dragged on, and I found the only place I felt somewhat normal was at the hospital. I escaped campus day after day, feeling I could finally breathe the moment I sat at Ryan’s bedside. We were nearly caught up on all of his homework by the time he finally broached the subject.

“Are you going to tell me what’s been going on with you or not?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked with a contrived smile.

“Nina. This is me you’re talking to.”

I felt my eyes gloss over, and I buried my head into Ryan’s blanket.

“Nina? What’s wrong?” he asked, awkwardly patting my head. When I couldn’t speak, Ryan pulled my hair away from my face. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head and peeked up at him. “No. No, I’m not okay.”

“Did something happen?” Ryan’s face looked as desperate as I felt.

“No. Nothing happened. You don’t want to hear about it.” I sat up and wiped the moisture from my face.

“Is it about Jared?” he guessed. I nodded and his face twisted into rage. “Did he hurt you?”

“No!” I shook my head, wiping away more tears. “No, he didn’t do anything to me. He doesn’t . . .” I sighed. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Just tell me.”

“He doesn’t want me,” I said, my face crumbling around my words.

Ryan’s expression made it seem as if the sentence I’d put together didn’t compute; as if he couldn’t imagine that being possible. “I’m sure there’s just been some misunderstanding. What makes you think that?”

I was disgusted at myself for making Ryan feel he needed to reassure me about Jared. I was a terrible person.

“Nina, tell me.” He spoke in the tone I provoked in people when they’d had their fill of dragging information out of me.

“I just thought we . . . I thought he . . .” I couldn’t say half of what I wanted, certainly not enough to keep me from sounding like a spoiled child.

Ryan laughed once, and I looked up at him. “He’s an idiot, Nina.”

“No, he’s not,” I said, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.

“If he took you out, spent an entire night with you, and can’t see how incredible you are, he doesn’t deserve for you to be waiting for his call. You’re so much better than that. Anyone who makes you feel like anything less is a fool.”

“Thank you, but it’s really more complicated than that.”

Ryan’s face grew serious. “No. No, it’s not. If he doesn’t realize what he has right in front of him, then to hell with him. And I’m not just saying that because I was hoping for something like this.”

I shot a glare at him and he winked at me. I smiled and sighed, letting my frustration escape with my breath. He leaned over to issue a comforting kiss to the top of my head.

“Why are you so good to me?” I asked as he handed me a handful of tissues from his bedside table.

“Because you’re worth it.” He looked at me as if I should know that already, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“I think that’s been trademarked by L’Oreal,” I said.

“Oh, I meant ‘Maybe she’s born with it.’”

“Maybe it’s Maybelline?” I quipped.

He pointed at me. “You’re good.”

“I take a licking and keep on ticking.” I smiled, resting my head against my hand.

He shrugged. “Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes you don’t.”

I giggled again and wiped the residual wetness from my eyes. “You can’t top the coppertop.”

Ryan sat for a moment, looking stumped, and then an impish grin appeared on his face. “I have good news. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO.”

My eyes narrowed. “Are you in good hands?”

Ryan intertwined his fingers in mine. “Easy, breezy, beautiful—Covergirl.”

I bit my lip, not wanting to stop our game. It was such a wonderful distraction.

“Just do it.” He nudged my arm.

“Leggo my Eggo,” I countered, playfully pulling my arm back.

He flexed him arm. “Beef. It’s what’s for dinner.”

I pointed to his arm and shook my head. “Tastes great, less filling.” I sat up and waited for his riposte.

“WASSSSSUP?” He leaned over into my face, and I burst out into a roaring laughter. He bellowed out his own, and we covered our mouths to keep the nurses from rushing in to quiet us down.

“Thank you. I needed that.” I nodded, holding my stomach.

“You most certainly did,” Ryan agreed.

~*~

The next morning I woke up to the ring of my cell phone. I scrambled to my nightstand, ripped the charger cord from its port, and jerked it to my ear.

“Hello?” I cringed, waiting for the person at the other end of the line to mention the near maniacal tone in my voice.

“Hey, Nigh, it’s Ryan. You left your Anatomy book here yesterday. I just wanted to let you know before you got to class.”

“Oh. Oh! Thanks. I don’t think I’ll need it today; we’re preparing for a lab.” I rubbed my eyes, wondering when I had finally fallen asleep. It didn’t feel as if I’d slept at all.

“Did I wake you?”

“Yeah, but that’s okay.” I looked at the clock. “The alarm goes off in ten minutes, anyway.”

“The nurse said that they may release me today or tomorrow,” he said.

“Excellent! Let me know when, and I’ll rally the troops to spring you.”

“Will do,” he chirped, sounding extremely enthusiastic for the early hour.

Classes dragged, and I had to force myself to finish out the day. By the time I got to my room, exhaustion had set in, and I decided to cook something quick and then take a nap.

Finishing the mounds of homework scattered on my bed was impossible. I couldn’t concentrate, knowing that every time I turned a page, every time my spoon scraped the bowl, every time I sighed, Jared was listening.

When that thought crossed my mind, anger pulsed through me. He had told me secrets, which he expected me to keep. He told me that he loved me, made promises, and then he just left.

“Who does that?” I asked aloud. I shook my head, thinking of the show he’d put on when dropping me off at Andrews. He seemed so terrified of losing me, of my mother talking me into staying away from him. In the end, it was Jared who was evading me.

I dwelled on that for a moment and wondered what had changed from the time he dropped me off until after I’d returned from the hospital. I had only focused on what I could have done wrong; I hadn’t stopped to think about other possible reasons for Jared to avoid me like the plague. Like my mother.

My hand flew to my mouth as the revelation sunk in. She had spoken to him. She had told him to stay away from me, and he had listened to her.

Grabbing my coat and keys, I shot out the door as if my room were on fire. I ran to my car and violated every traffic law between Brown University and my parents’ home. Once I pulled into the drive, my courage had somewhat waivered, but I had to know why Jared had changed his mind. I had to know it wasn’t that I didn’t live up to his expectations.

I burst into the door, calling for my mother. After the third time that I yelled her name, she came hurrying down the staircase.

“Nina? What are you carrying on about?” She held onto the banister with one hand and clipped on an earring with another.

“What did you say to him?” I demanded.

“What did I say to whom?” A disgusted look immediately clouded her face.

“Mother, stop it!” I yelled.

Cynthia raised an eyebrow and enunciated. “You will watch your tone while in my house, young lady.”

I shook my head and took another step toward her. “What did you say to Jared?”

Cynthia deliberated for a moment. “I told him what he needed to hear, Nina. Of course you wouldn’t listen, so I had no choice.”

“Why? Why would you deliberately try to hurt me?”

Cynthia was stunned by my assumption. “Nina, I’m trying to save you from yourself. If you won’t have the sense to . . . Well, I’m glad that he did.”

“Mother, I’m begging you. Don’t do this. I have been . . .” I couldn’t finish. I sat on the bottom step and covered my face with my hands.

Cynthia descended the remaining steps and sat next to me. “I know you think you understand, darling, but you don’t. Whatever you think you know . . . You couldn’t truly grasp what it was that you were choosing. I’m glad that Jared loves you enough to let you go.”

I glared at her. “Do you even hear yourself? He loves me, Mom. He loves me and you . . .” I shook my head and walked to the door. “Do you even care how I feel?” I asked, standing with my back to her.

She didn’t answer.

I returned to my car, choking back a frustrated cry. There was only one way I could talk to him now.

8. Purgatory

I searched under the desks, running my fingers along each of the twisted wires underneath. Jared would listen to me whether he liked it or not, and in my determination, I left nothing to chance. I meticulously inspected the edges of the mirror, the back of the microwave, the mini-fridge, under both beds and under the dorm’s standard-issue cord phone.

An hour had passed, and I’d found nothing. Jared was a professional. Of course I wouldn’t find the mic he’d planted. I tried to recall any spy movies I’d watched when revelation hit. My eyes slowly followed the wall up to the ceiling, and focused on a rectangular vent in the center.

I rolled Beth’s desk chair directly underneath. There were two screws, and I had no tools. I rushed to the residential advisor’s room and tried to catch my breath while rapping on the door. She opened it with a bored look on her face.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, Dara. Listen, I’m having some trouble with the vent in my room.”

“I’ll call maintenance in the morning,” she deadpanned, closing the door.

I pushed it open. “I was wondering if you had a screwdriver—one of those cross ones—that I could use.”

“A Phillips?” she asked, bored with the conversation.

My eyes lit up. “Yes! Do you have one?”

“What size do you need?” she asked, turning her back to me.

“I don’t know.” I peered up at her vent, and she did the same.

“You need a small one. Here.” She handed me a tiny screwdriver, and I thanked her before rushing back to my room.

The screwdriver was smaller than I needed, so I had to press on one side to get the screw to rotate at all. Once the first screw became loose enough to use my thumb and finger to make more progress, it didn’t take long for it to drop into my hand. I began working on the other screw, and after two laborious turns my right hand slipped. Trying to catch myself, my palm grated against the edge of the vent, and the ragged edge of metal sliced through my skin.

I pulled my hand back with a gasp, watching the blood ooze from the cut and drip down my forearm toward my elbow in a thick red line.

“Ow! Sssshhhhoooot!” I cried, bending at the waist.

I climbed down to grab a wad of tissue and held it tightly in my hand, unwilling to give up.

Tissues in hand, I tried to fit the screwdriver into the tiny slot at the best angle possible for traction. When I pressed against the side of the screw, I leaned into the movement, and the wheels of the chair shifted. Before I could right myself, the chair jerked from under me and I tumbled down, smacking my elbow on the floor.

It took a moment for the pain to register, and once the sharp stabbing sensation shot up my arm, I closed my eyes. “Ow,” I whimpered. Once I could think about something other than the pain, I hobbled back onto the chair.

Tugging the vent loose, I inched up on my tiptoes to peer inside. My heart skipped a beat when I saw a tiny black object nestled in the decades of dust. I reached inside the vent and pinched the small piece of plastic, tugging on it once before it gave way. I pulled it toward me and brought it into view: Jared’s miniature microphone.

Overwhelmed by the undeniable truth I held in my hand, I pulled the mic down with me as I slumped to the chair. Jared could hear me and was aware of what I had done. Coupled with the pain in my arm, the fact that he was just on the other side of this device made my eyes well over with tears.

“Jared?” I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. “I know you can hear me.” I sighed, closing my eyes. “I don’t know what she said to you. I don’t care. I just . . .” I trailed off as my voice broke. “I miss you,” I whispered. “What are you doing? All that talk about growing old together and being honest? Now you’re going to listen to her and walk away?

“Will you please just . . .” I struggled to form the words. “Will you please just talk to me? Please?”

I watched my cell phone, praying, willing it to light up and ring. An eternity passed, but it lay on my nightstand, still and dark.

I wiped the moisture from my eyes, looking up at the wire spiraling down from the ceiling. Anger surged through my veins and I stood up, yanking on the wire over and over until it finally ripped from its source. I noticed the frayed edge of the end of the wire and wiped my face once more, satisfied. It wasn’t fair that he could hear me when I was alone.

A buzzing noise came from the night table and I stiffened. It buzzed again, and I threw the wire down, nearly tripping over it to reach the phone before I missed the call.

“Jared?”

“It’s uh . . . It’s Ryan. Sorry.”

“No! Don’t be sorry.” I sniffed.

“Are you okay? You sound like you’ve been crying.”

“Was there a reason you called?” I wasn’t in the mood to discuss my latest moment of insanity.

“Yes.” He hesitated. “I’m being released in the morning.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah, okay. I’ll come in the morning, then. Did you let everyone else know, or should I call them?” I asked, hoping he would catch the meaning.

“I just started making the calls.”

He’d called me first. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

“Nina?”

“Mmm hmm?” I said, distracted by the wire curled and arched beside my bed.

“Tell me why you’re upset. Is it Jared?” My silence was all the answer he needed. “I could kill him for doing this to you,” he growled.

“It’s not his fault, Ryan. I’ve told you it’s complicated.”

Ryan sighed, accepting my vague reply. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

~*~

Friday was easier than I thought it would be, with the six of us choreographing Ryan’s on-the-fly homecoming party. We caravanned to the hospital; balloons and shoe polish decorated our cars. The windows of Josh’s truck vibrated to the beat of “Paradise City” as Tucker wheeled Ryan out of the double doors of the hospital. We all whistled and clapped as Ryan lumbered into Josh’s passenger side.

“C’mon, Nina,” Ryan smiled, gesturing for me to accompany him. When I scooted in next to him, Ryan weakly lifted his arm to the top of the seat behind me. We giggled and joked all the way to Brown, and the seven of us made our way to Ryan’s room.

“It looks like a parade threw up in here,” Ryan said, beaming. He hobbled over to his desk chair and fell into it, visibly spent.

We sat and talked, and then Beth, Chad, and Tucker left for class. Thirty minutes later, Kim and Josh had classes of their own to go to.

“What did you do to your hand?” Ryan asked, staring at my haphazardly bandaged palm.

“I sliced it on the air vent in my room.” I shrugged.

“Ouch. Are you all caught up on your tetanus shots?”

I nodded. “I’ll come by later, okay? We have a lot of work to do.”

“You have class?” he asked, disappointed.

“I’ve had class for the last two hours, Ryan.” I grinned.

“Thanks for today. Maybe we could do this every month.”

“Okay, but I’m not volunteering to get stabbed next time—or ever.” I hugged him, and an awkward pause followed when I pulled away. “You take it easy. I’ll come over later and we can study.”

Ryan watched me with a soft expression as I walked to the door. “See you later, Nigh.”

I pulled his door closed and let out a gust of air. I couldn’t be sure if it was guilt or the look in Ryan’s eyes after I’d hugged him, but everything felt different when we were alone. I forgot about angels and demons and feeling unwanted. In Ryan’s presence, life was normal.

Soon after class began, my thoughts zeroed in on Jared. I clinched my eyes shut when I thought about the night before. I had probably relieved him of any regret he might have felt after my antics. The professor’s voice blurred into the background, and I took shallow breaths to keep the tears from forming. It was embarrassing enough that everyone peered over their shoulders at me every day as if I’d gone crazy; the last thing I needed was to break down in class.

In the solitude of my room, I let the tears flow. I was glad that Jared couldn’t hear me. I had become a blubbering, pathetic mess. My eyes drifted to the vent to see that the cover was securely fastened to the ceiling. My eyebrows pressed inward. I was too exhausted the night before to replace it.

Scrambling to the floor, I lifted my comforter to peer under the bed where I had hidden the frayed carcass of the wire. I gritted my teeth, seeing that the only thing under my bed was a lone sock surrounded by a herd of dust bunnies.

Jared or Claire had come into my room while I was gone and replaced the mic. I looked to the ceiling, balling my hands into fists at my sides. “Stay out of my room!”

The screwdriver was missing from the top drawer of my dresser as well. I had left it there for safe keeping until I could replace the vent cover. I burst into the hallway, letting the door crack against the wall. Anger fueled my march to the RA’s room and I pounded on her door.

She opened it with the same impassive look on her face as before. “Yeah?”

I sighed. “Dara! Oh good, you’re here. Um, I seemed to have lost your screwdriver. Do you think I could borrow another one? And, I need a bigger one this time.”

“You lost one of my screwdrivers, and you want to borrow another one?”

“Yes,” I said, more of a question than an answer.

“Hold on,” she sighed, leaving for a moment. She returned with a larger screwdriver in hand.

Running back to my room, I pushed Beth’s chair under the vent. The new screwdriver was a better fit, and I had the screws out in record time. I reached up again and stood on my tiptoes, finding the familiar small plastic object without effort. An exact replica of the first mic came down in the first tug.

I climbed down and pulled on the wire until it quivered with tension. With one swift yank, the wire dislodged from the vent and dropped to the floor. A strange sense of accomplishment came over me; I had perfected the art of ripping out surveillance wires.

With a smug smile, I looped the thin, mangled wire into a tight circle. “I’m not a zoo animal,” I whispered.

The door pulsed as someone banged on it from the other side. I twisted the knob, hoping for a scolding from Jared, but instead I found Claire standing in front of me with a murderous expression.

A lump lodged in my throat as she shouldered past me. In one lithe movement, she climbed onto Beth’s chair and reached up into the duct. It took her longer to get the new wire installed than it had taken me to rip the old one out, but she replaced the vent quicker than I had removed it.

She walked to the door and stopped to look at the wire in my hands. Her hand blurred as she snatched it from me.

“If you do it again,” she eyed the vent and then whispered in my ear, “I’ll rip out your tongue.”

My tongue curled up inside my mouth as I tried to swallow. Claire leaned back to offer a disturbing sweet smile and then left. I shut my door behind her and locked it, wrapping my arms around my middle. She terrified me.

The thought of Jared hearing my every movement made tears trickle from my eyes and down my cheeks. “I can’t do this,” I whispered. The sudden need to distance myself from that microphone became urgent, and I grabbed my coat and keys. If I were going to have any type of normalcy again, I had to convince Cynthia.

“Mom?” I called, walking into the dining room.

“In the kitchen, dear,” Cynthia called.

I watched her expression change to concern when she saw my puffy, wet eyes.

“What happened to your hand, Nina?” she said, noticing the makeshift wrap around my palm.

“I want you to talk to Jared, Mother.”

Her concern vanished, and she returned to preparing her lunch. “I’m sorry, Nina. I can’t do that.”

“Then let me have my privacy.”

Cynthia seemed a bit uncomfortable with the topic, but she was never one to be intimidated. “That is between Jared and your father.”

“Daddy’s not here.”

She ignored me. “Jared and I talked for a long time. If it helps, he argued with me at first. He was quite determined. When I reminded him how hard it is for his mother and how hard it will be for you, he couldn’t deny doing what is best for you. This is the easy part. You can’t begin to imagine how hard your life will be if you continue this ridiculous—”

“You have to try. You owe it to me to try,” I begged.

She clicked her tongue. “He won’t listen to me now, Nina. Some things you just can’t take back. Once you’ve made your case, you can’t argue the other side.”

“Mother.” I pursed my lips, but it was no use. The tears fell from my eyes.

“I warned him that if he continued a relationship with you, I would be forced to fire him.”

“You what?”

“Carrying on a relationship with him could get in the way of—”

“You know he’s the only one that can keep me safe! You’re willing to risk my life to prove a point?”

“Of course not! Your father insisted that Jared stay away from you, Nina. You’re just going to have to forget him!”

“Mother, I love him!”

Cynthia’s eyes widened at my words. After a short pause, she shook her head dismissively. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

I could barely form a whisper. “Look at me.” I let my shoulders hang in defeat. “Does this look like just a crush to you? I’m in love with him.”

“Then stop. This is not what your father wanted for you. Did Jared tell you that? That he was forbidden to get involved with you? I won’t help you go against your father’s wishes.”

“That had nothing to do with me or with Jared, Mother! Daddy didn’t want me to know the truth about him!”

“Nina,” she said, “you don’t believe that.”

I could see my efforts were in vain; Cynthia wouldn’t help me. I escaped her apathetic eyes and fled to my Beemer. The rain poured relentlessly, and I was soaked by the time I entered the car. I sped down the street, the tires creating a wake behind them.

The farther I drove, the less I wanted to return to my dorm. Walking into Andrews would be admitting defeat. Worse, something deep inside of me knew that the second I stepped inside my room, I would begin a life without Jared.

When the street lights began to flicker, the rain tapped against my windshield in tiny crystals. Some of the roads had been blocked off by the flooding, and I was soon corralled onto a dead-end road. Through the gush of windblown rain, a bridge came into view just ahead of my car, arching high into the night sky.

I turned off my car and sat, mulling over the last week. My feeble attempt to gain any control over the situation had ended dismally. I hadn’t considered giving up until that moment.

I pulled my hat and gloves off and threw them on the seat beside me, deciding that the only option I had was to leave. But Jared would follow. He would have to, and I would take him away from his sister, his brother, and Lillian. I gripped the steering wheel as the realization sunk in: I was trapped.

One of my gloves fell to the floorboard, drawing my attention to my purse. Barely peeking out, the sharp end of Jack’s letter opener glinted under the light of a lone street lamp. Without another thought, I grabbed it from my purse and shoved my way out of the car. The rain immediately blasted against me, but I planted my feet on the ground, determined to get Jared’s attention this time. I grabbed the handle of the letter opener as tightly as my freezing hands could manage and held it above me.

“He’ll come,” I whispered.

With a loud cry, I shoved the golden spear into my back tire. It pierced the thick rubber, but not deep enough to do any damage. I used my foot to shove it in the rest of the way, and to my relief it made a loud hissing sound.

Icy rain soaked every inch of me, and my body began to tremble as the biting wind blew against my skin. After a few minutes, I shed my coat and threw it into the seat. My body shook uncontrollably as rain pelted against me.

I waited.

When my sweater was soaked through, I yanked it over my head and threw it on top of my coat. I was down to a long-sleeved cotton shirt, and the rain felt like ice splinters driving into my bones. My teeth were chattering with such force that I opened my mouth to keep them from breaking. A puff of air escaped my mouth as a wind gust sent stinging rain tearing into my skin.

Still, I waited.

Just when I thought I would collapse, a pair of headlights broke through the curtain of rain and came to an abrupt stop behind my car.

“Nina! What the hell are you doing?” Jared yelled over the rain. He took off his coat and stepped toward me, but I backed away. “Do you know what hypothermia is? You’re going to freeze to death!” he said, shoving his coat toward me.

“I l-l-love you,” I said as my entire body shuddered.

“I heard,” Jared said, pressing his eyebrows together. “Let me take you home.” He held out his coat again, but I took another step back.

“Y-you l-listened t-t-to her!”

“I didn’t listen to her! If she fired me, it would make it harder for me to protect you. Keeping you safe is my first priority. Now, please get in the car!”

“H-How would it make it h-h-harder if you’re with me?”

“We can talk about this when you’re out of the rain!”

I took another step back.

“Cynthia controls our funding!” Jared said in a desperate tone. “She funds our surveillance, our weapons—everything. I could still protect you, but not as well. I couldn’t risk it!”

“So you’re j-just going to leave me, we’re g-going b-back to the way things were so you c-can buy more microphones and b-bullets?”

Jared sighed. “That’s not what I meant. You’re too important not to use the best means available, Nina. I thought if I figured out a way for us . . . I was trying to figure something out.”

“You’re j-just s-saying that to g-g-get me to go back there!”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Jared said. He lifted his coat, and I took another step back. His jaws tensed. “I made a mistake! I didn’t want to hurt you! I just needed some time to fix the mess I’ve made!”

I tried to turn the corners of my mouth up into somewhat of a smile. “I th-thought you didn’t make m-mistakes.”

With a desperate expression, Jared took a step toward me, groaning when I took another step back. “Don’t make me do this, Nina. Don’t make me force you. Please get in the car!”

“I’m not going b-back there,” I sputtered.

The rain poured down Jared’s face and streamed from his chin. “I wasn’t going to take you . . .” He sighed. “I want you home with me!”

I watched him for a moment, trying to read his eyes.

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” he said, reaching for me. “I want to take you home.”

I sucked in a breath and nodded. Jared wasted no time wrapping me in his coat, but it was already soaked through. He lifted me into his arms, and in the next second, I was in his car.

Jumping behind the wheel, Jared cranked up the heater and then rubbed my arms with both hands. “Jesus, Nina, your lips are blue.”

He raced down streets that seemed more like rivers. I had just closed my eyes when he pulled to the curb in front of the loft.

“Stay awake, Nina. Don’t go to sleep.”

Jared took the steps three at a time, unlocked his door and skipped more steps to the loft. He held me in one arm while he turned on the shower, and the steam immediately filled the room.

He lifted my stiff body into the shower and held me against him. I cried out as the water burned my icy skin. After a while, the quivering turned less violent. Once I was able to stand alone, Jared adjusted the temperature to a hotter setting.

I looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.”

Jared grimaced, his eyes glowing steel blue. “Let’s just get your temp up.”

He pulled the gauze from my hand and inspected my wound, wincing before glaring down at me. I watched as he gently scrubbed the festering cut with a washcloth.

“You should have gotten stitches for this,” he grumbled. His jaw tensed as he rinsed the soap away.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, worried that it was resentment in his eyes instead of concern.

“Everything, Nina. I leave you alone for a week, and you’ve got a deep, infected cut in your hand, you nearly broke your arm when you fell off the chair, and you almost froze to death or drowned. I’m not sure what would have happened first.”

“I know. You have every right to be mad.”

“Mad? I made myself believe that, when the time came, I would be better at making you happy than anyone else, but look at you. I’ve made your life worse. You’re worried I’m angry with you? You should hate me for what I’ve done.”

I ran my aching fingers through his wavy, wet hair. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“I’ve missed you,” I whispered.

His expression crumbled at my words. “I’ve been going crazy. When you found the mic, Claire had to restrain me. It’s one thing to know you’re hurting; it’s another to know I’m causing it.”

I offered a weak grin. “You’re going to have to find a new place to hide the microphone. It didn’t take me long to figure it out. I totally outsmarted you. Twice.”

“Outsmarted me? You don’t even have the sense to get in out of the rain.”

“At least I have enough sense to know that we shouldn’t be apart.”

Jared’s eyes tightened in anguish.

I leaned up and pulled his face close, pressing my lips to his cheek. The water poured over us as he pulled me to him, my light kiss making his blue eyes burn with intensity. He kissed me as if I were the air he’d gone without for five days. Neither of us held back, and the agony we had experienced apart fueled every movement. Our lips parted, and he pressed me against the tile wall of the shower. I clutched the back of his shirt in each of my fists and pulled him against me, but I couldn’t get close enough. Jared’s hands gripped each side of my face as he tasted the inside of my mouth.

I reached down and pulled his shirt over his head, exposing the perfection of his bare chest. His wet shirt fell to the shower floor with a slap. I slid my hands down his back, and he moaned in response. His mouth grew impatient then, and he reached down to grab my knee. He lifted my leg and pulled me against him, and I pressed my fingers into the flesh of his back. I braced myself as the intensity in the small space soared to a new level. His lips slowed down, became gentle, and then he pulled away from me after a few soft kisses.

“It’s been a long night, Nina. You need to rest.”

“I don’t think I can,” I said, pressing my forehead against his chest.

Jared kissed my wet hair. “Try.”

When he was satisfied that I was warm enough, he pulled me from the shower and wrapped me in a towel. I nestled against him as he carried me to his bed.

“You’re still shaking.” He frowned.

“I’m feeling much better, really,” I assured him.

The front door slammed below, and Jared kissed my cheek. “Claire fixed your tire and drove your car here. She’s going to help you get into some dry clothes.”

My entire body felt as if it had been sandblasted, steamrolled, and smashed in a garbage truck. I was too exhausted to argue.

Jared left us, and Claire peeled off my wet clothes, sliding a long-sleeved T-shirt that read NAVY over my head.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

She raised an eyebrow. “I thought I was crazy.”

I sighed to form some sort of laugh, and my eyes slowly closed and opened again.

Claire pulled a hairdryer out of a hot pink duffle bag and began to dry and brush my hair. I braced myself for her to do her best to rip my hair out, but she was very gentle, almost maternal.

The high-pitched whine of the dryer silenced, and Claire crouched in front of me. “Okay. You’re done.”

As Jared passed Claire on the stairs, he offered an appreciative smile. He was shirtless, his only article of clothing a light blue pair of pajama pants. In the shower was the first time I’d seen his bare physique, and even through my exhaustion, I was impressed. Every muscle in his body was sleek and toned, and he kneeled in front of me holding a small white box.

“Give me your hand.”

The skin around the jagged cut was opaque and wrinkled from the long shower. Jared spread antibiotic along the fissure spanning the width of my palm, from the outside of my wrist to the bottom of my index finger. It didn’t hurt, but because of residual trembling, I had a hard time holding still.

I raised my hand to inspect it, and Jared rolled his eyes. “Is it okay?”

“Nicely done,” I nodded in approval.

I leaned against the pillow while Jared walked to the other side of the bed. When he crawled in beside me, it occurred to me that my heart should have been pounding out of my chest, but I only felt exhaustion.

Jared pulled me to him and folded his arms around me. I sighed as I relaxed against his chest; he was warmer than the shower. I was still cold enough that his skin was slightly painful against mine, but I leaned in closer, welcoming the burn.

“Promise me you won’t do anything like that again,” Jared whispered, kissing my forehead.

I buried my face into the concave of his neck and shivered. In reaction, Jared wrapped his arms tighter around me.

9. Healing

“Nina?”

I raised my eyebrows, but my eyes wouldn’t open.

Jared brushed the hair away from my face and kissed the exposed patch of skin on my cheek.

I blinked to focus, and Jared’s blurry form came into view.

“It’s six thirty, sweetheart. You have an eight-o’clock class.”

I sat up, immediately grabbing Jared’s arm. “Whoa.”

“Dizzy?” he asked.

“As if you didn’t know.”

He smiled, leaving my side to grab a stack of folded clothes and place them on the end of the bed. “Claire brought some more of your things.”

With my eyes half-closed, I stood up and stretched and then inched up the hem of my shirt to change.

“Er, Nina?” Jared said, grabbing my hands. “I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful in the morning. Seeing you standing here in my T-shirt is nearly driving me mad. Would you please stop trying to send me over the edge?”

I grimaced at his infuriating insistence on putting off the inevitable. I’d always been the one to procrastinate when dealing with the intimacy issue. Now that I’d felt strong enough about someone to want to press the boundaries, he insisted on dragging his feet.

Sensing my aggravation, he kissed my nose and jogged down the stairs, allowing me the privacy to change.

“I’ll drive you to school, if that’s okay,” Jared said after breakfast.

“That would be great. Thank you.”

The roads were slick with ice, and the trees and grass were frozen in time under the inch-thick frost. Jared effortlessly navigated the Escalade to Brown’s campus, keeping my hand in his until we pulled into the parking lot.

“I’ll meet you here, then?”

“Er, yeah?” I said, caught off guard.

“I thought it would be best if you stayed with me for a few days.” He shrugged. “Until your hand heals, you’ll need a fresh dressing every night.”

I pressed my lips together, trying not to let myself get too excited. I didn’t want to tip him off.

“Or not. I can call you later,” he backpedaled.

I slid my arms around his middle. “I would love for you to pick me up.”

Jared’s eyes relaxed. “I’ll be right here at one-thirty.”

Initially, the excitement of staying with Jared propelled me through the first half-hour of class, but as the hour wore on, I had a hard time concentrating. Doubt seeped into my every thought, and I found myself watching the clock, anxiously counting down the minutes.

He had left me on a day much like this one, including the perfect morning of smiles and kisses good-bye. Victory suddenly seemed too easy, and I felt sick with worry that he had appeased me long enough to disappear again.

Beth and Kim met me outside, eager to hear the story behind my bandaged hand. The prospect of enduring lunch and another class added to the stress of constructing a detailed lie of the night before had me nearly in tears. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would go to meet him at the designated time and he wouldn’t be there.

Beth noticed my mood immediately. “What’s wrong, Nina?”

“Nothing. Why?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light. It was hard to seem casual when my chest felt full of concrete.

“Nina?”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Jared!” I said, grabbing onto his coat and hugging him. I was too relieved to care how ridiculous I looked.

He wrapped his arms around me without hesitation. “What is it?” he whispered into my ear.

“What’s going on with you, Nigh?” Kim asked.

I buried my face in Jared’s chest, and I was glad when he hugged me tighter.

“Nina,” he whispered in my ear again. “Did something happen?”

I peeked over to Beth and Kim, who watched me with confused frowns. I tried to smooth my face before looking at them. “I’ll meet you guys at The Ratty, okay?”

“Are you sure?” Beth asked, staring suspiciously at Jared.

“I’ll be right there.” I smiled.

My friends reluctantly left me behind, and I buried my face in Jared’s chest, tightening my arms around him.

“Nina, please tell me,” he pleaded. “You’ve been freaking out all morning.”

“I’m sorry.”

He pulled up my chin and scanned my face for a clue. He sighed in frustration when I didn’t speak. “Nina, I need to know.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t come.” I looked down to my boots; I couldn’t look him in the eye while sounding so pathetic.

Jared took my face in his hands and kissed me tenderly. “I will never leave you again, not like that.”

“Not like what?” I asked, concerned there might be more behind his words.

“I won’t make that mistake again. I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.”

“You promise?”

Jared smiled. “I love you more than I could ever promise.”

I rested my cheek against his chest and closed my eyes, indescribably happy. The euphoria faded when I realized I would have to make it through lunch and another class before I would see him again.

“Nina?”

“I’m never going to get used to that, you know,” I said, frowning.

“Get used to what?”

“You sensing how I’m feeling. It’s . . .” I wrinkled my nose.

Jared chuckled. “Weird?”

I looked at him sheepishly and shrugged. “Why don’t you come to lunch with me?”

“Here?”

“You can’t go to class with me, but you can come to lunch. It would help.”

“Help with what?” he asked, still stumped.

“With the . . .” I hesitated. Being honest meant casting blame in his direction, which I had no desire to do.

“Anxiety,” Jared finished for me. As I predicted, he was visibly upset that I felt that way.

“I don’t mean that it’s your fault. I just meant . . .”

He held out his hand. “Come on.”

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up, and I let his warm hand surround mine as we walked into The Ratty. Every face at the table where my friends were seated seemed to look over at us in unison as we walked to the buffet.

“They’re just curious.” I said as we walked through the line. Jared simply nodded.

“Everything all right, Nigh?” Beth asked once we were seated.

“Everything is great,” I said.

“You didn’t look so great when we left you,” Kim said. Her eyes narrowed in Jared’s direction for a moment and then returned to me.

Jared seemed amused by my friends’ incredulous expressions.

I picked up the spoon from my tray and muttered under my breath; I’d meant to grab a fork. Before I could get up, Jared set a fork on my tray. I looked up to thank him, but before I could form the words, Ryan puffed a disgusted laugh.

“Is he going to feed you, too?” Ryan said.

“Shut up,” I sneered. If I hadn’t been so angry, I might have feared for Ryan’s safety. Jared could have easily reached over the table and snapped his neck. He watched Ryan but seemed outwardly unaffected.

“What are we doing this weekend, Ryan?” Josh asked.

“I don’t know,” Ryan answered. His eyes were focused on Jared, full of hate.

Kim spoke, “I say we go to our regular spot. We’re making that place a ton of money. The geriatrics love the entertainment we’re providing.”

“You just like older men,” Josh teased.

“Only the ones who carry around a bottle of Viagra,” she said offhandedly. Everyone at the table paused for moment, waiting for her to crack a smile. When she didn’t, they continued discussing plans.

Ryan looked away from Jared after Kim’s comment, and she winked at me after the moment had passed. The girl was a genius.

“I’m in,” Tucker said.

Beth turned to face me. “Nina?”

“Oh,” I said, quickly glancing at Jared from the corner of my eye. “I don’t know what I’m doing yet.”

“Come on!” Kim groaned.

“Why don’t you bring Jared? It’ll be fun,” Beth chirped.

Ryan slowly turned to her with angry disbelief. Beth sank back in her chair.

Noticing Ryan’s reaction, Jared hugged me gently to him and smiled. “Sounds good to me. Do you want to go?” he asked, turning to me.

“Uh, sure.”

“Sweet!” Kim said with a mouth full of food.

“Spring break is in two weeks,” Carrie chimed in. “Lisa and I are going to Tahoe. Does anyone else want to go skiing?”

“That sounds amazing! Do you want to go?” Beth said, looking at Chad.

Chad shrugged. “I haven’t been skiing in a couple of years. How many spots do you have open?”

“My mom has a place there. We can all fit if you guys want to come,” Lisa said.

“How much fun is this going to be?” Beth clapped. “Do you want to go skiing, Nigh?” she asked, turning to me.

“I don’t know. I usually go on vacation with my parents. I’m sure Cynthia has something planned already.” I looked to Jared who nodded infinitesimally, confirming my assumption.

“You can’t get out of it?” Kim asked.

I shook my head. “Not this year. I don’t want to make her go alone.” Kim and Beth nodded in understanding.

“I’ve gotta get back,” Ryan said, rising. He peered up at me a few times while gathering his things and then walked away without saying good-bye. Josh followed closely behind.

“What his problem?” Lisa asked.

Kim shrugged, but I caught her glance in my direction.

Jared walked me to my next class. I was glad that he decided to do that on his own; it saved me the humiliation of asking. Suddenly the task of sitting through the next hour was less daunting.

“I’ll see you after class?” he asked, kissing my cheek.

“I’m sorry you had to come all the way here,” I said, leaning my cheek into his lips and closing my eyes.

“Nina.” He scanned my face, exasperated. His was the tone he used when I had misunderstood something he thought was obvious. “Don’t apologize. I was here anyway. How would I protect you from the loft?”

“So you just hang around campus every day?”

“Unless you leave. That is my job.”

“So when I saw you all of those times before, off campus? When I first started running into you?”

Jared nodded, looking caught. “Shamelessly stalking you.”

I felt my face brighten. “Good to know.”

Class seemed to fly by. Before I knew it, I was on my way to Jared’s loft again, riding happily in the passenger seat.

He held the door open with one hand and held my bag in the other. I put my things in the downstairs bathroom, finding a deep whirlpool tub.

I will definitely be trying that out later, I thought to myself.

I walked to the couch and sank into the cushions. I was home.

~*~

“Nina?” Jared whispered in my ear.

I blinked a few times, trying to focus as I looked around the room. The sun no longer filtered through the windows, and a blanket was draped over me. “What time is it?” I asked, stretching.

“It’s after six. Did you want to go out for dinner or stay in?” Jared asked.

“Definitely stay in. I’ll cook this time,” I offered.

“You’re still tired. How about we order in?”

“You don’t think I can cook?” I looked at him with accusing eyes.

“I didn’t say that. I can’t say I’ve ever tasted your cooking. Jack did mention it, though.”

“He loved my cooking,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Jack adored you. You could have served him sludge from a toxic waste plant, and he would have asked for seconds,” Jared teased.

“I’m going to prove it to you.” I walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door.

Jared was instantly behind me. “Nina, you’ve had a long week, a rough night last night, and you went to school today. You don’t have to prove anything tonight.”

“I’m fine,” I said, surveying the contents of his fridge.

Just then, Claire burst through the door, kicking it closed.

“You’re going to have to buy me another door—again—if you keep that up,” Jared growled, turning to face her.

Claire held two large plastic bags. “Dinner.”

A smug smile immediately appeared on Jared’s face.

“I guess that settles it,” I said, defeated.

Claire brought the sacks to the table. “I was over by Thai Star. I got you the green curry, Nina. Jared, I got your usual. There are egg rolls and satay, too.”

“Thanks, Claire,” Jared said, digging through the sacks and sticking an egg roll in his mouth. After a moment, he looked up at me. “What?”

It was surreal enough to have my new boyfriend know all of my favorites, all of my idiosyncrasies, and sense my feelings. With his sister—who I’d seen all of three times—bringing my favorite dish from a restaurant I frequented, I couldn’t help but feel a bit dazed.

“I’m sorry. We’re going to have to do a better job of easing you into this,” Jared said.

Claire realized what he meant, rolled her eyes, and spoke in a disgusted tone. “It’s dinner, Nina. I’ve been around you my entire life, so naturally I would know your food preferences. You were less disturbed about us being Half-breeds.”

“Hybrids. I know. It just took me off guard,” I whispered.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Jared said, glaring at Claire then looking back at me with concern. “It’s going to take some getting used to. We know it’s going to be awkward for you for a while.”

“Speak for yourself. It’s annoying how you coddle her all the time,” Claire fumed.

“Don’t take your daddy issues out on her,” Jared snarled.

Claire narrowed her eyes and put her fists on the table, leaning closer to him. Jared automatically angled his body protectively in front of me.

“Wow! I am starving!” I said a bit too loudly.

Jared and Claire both looked at me with their typical polar-opposite reactions. Jared was amused at my attempt to avoid bloodshed, and Claire appeared to be contemplating a way to choke me to death before Jared could stop her. I sat down and opened the flip-top box Jared had placed in front of me.

I watched him rummage through the other sack, pulling out boxes of appetizers, and I tried to mimic his casual demeanor. Claire stood there for a moment, glaring at both of us, and then sat down to her meal.

After a few minutes of silence, Jared and Claire began discussing their day. I caught on after a while that they were being vague. I didn’t press the issue. From the path of the conversation, I assumed it was about Claire. At least they weren’t speaking a foreign language.

“It looks as if I’ll be leaving in a couple of weeks,” Claire grumbled.

“Spring break?” Jared asked.

Claire nodded. “Ich hasse diesen See,” she said, leaning back in her chair.

That was when my patience faded. “I’m going to have to learn German.” I grimaced.

“I’m sorry,” Jared said. “We’re not trying to exclude you. We were just discussing Claire’s training.”

“I gathered that,” I said, picking at my food.

Jared smiled at me with adoration and then leaned over to kiss my cheek.

Claire rolled her eyes. “Sie bilden einen Dummkopf von selbst.”

“I’m not making a fool of myself. She’s right; we’re being rude.”

I smiled at Jared’s complimentary translation. He leaned over again to peck my forehead before going upstairs.

Claire rolled her eyes again and then took her plate to the sink. “I’ve lost my appetite.”

I had to look twice when Jared returned downstairs. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of red soccer shorts and well-worn running shoes. He stood behind me as I rinsed dishes at the sink, and then wrapped his arms around my waist.

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll get to it later,” he said, pressing his cheek against mine.

“Don’t start,” I said, trying to sound tough.

Jared left me to retreat to the corner where he kept his home gym. I loaded the few dirty dishes in his sink into the dishwasher while Claire walked into the downstairs bathroom and closed the door behind her. Suddenly the door opened again, and my suitcase was hurled with incredible precision from the bathroom, landing beside me.

“This is my bathroom,” Claire warned.

I swallowed, staring at the suitcase that sat an inch from my foot. I offered a meek smile. “Nice tub.”

Jared puffed from the corner. “They’re both my bathrooms, and you’re welcome to either.”

Claire glared at him and slammed the door, making my shoulders shoot up to my ears.

“Don’t let her push you around. She’s all bark and no bite.” He puffed, pushing an absurd amount of weight.

I eyed the bathroom door. “She bites, Jared. She’d chew me up and spit me out.”

“She can’t hurt you. She just loves to see you squirm.” He chuckled.

“I thought you said you weren’t like the Archs, that you could hurt humans if necessary?” I looked back at him, trying to concentrate on the subject at hand instead of his perfect form.

“She could, but she won’t. Claire knows better than anyone what you mean to me. Besides the fact that she would have to come to blows with me to even come close to you—and she would never cross that line—she wouldn’t make me choose between you and my family. She’s just rattling your cage,” he said, repositioning himself on the bench.

“I wouldn’t let you choose between me and your family,” I murmured, knowing he would hear.

“Nina,” he said in that familiar frustrated tone, “you’re not listening to me. She knows how I feel about you, so you can stop worrying about Claire.”

I raised an eyebrow. “She might know how you feel about me, but one of these days she might overlook it.”

“You’re the love of my life, Nina. There’s no overlooking that.” Jared spoke the words casually, but my legs disappeared. I had to steady myself against the counter to keep from hitting the floor.

“You okay?” he asked, continuing his workout.

“Me? Er, yeah, I’m just fine. Perfectly fine. Why?” I sighed at my utter failure to fool him. Jared simply smiled with a knowing look, never slowing his repetitions.

Claire emerged from the bathroom in a hooded sweatshirt and sweat pants, her hair pulled back into a wiry bun. She looked like a seventeen-year-old girl for once. She fell into the couch, feet hanging over the arm, flipping through channels of the flat screen.

Once the dishes were finished, I lingered in the kitchen, wiping down the counters over and over again. I decided to take my suitcase upstairs to organize my things as best I could, hanging my clothes in Jared’s closet and finding a place for my shampoo and toothbrush. It was fun playing house for the week, but it only took so long.

I stood in the middle of the room, feeling lost. Jared was still deep in his workout, and with Claire on the couch, I saw no point in enticing him upstairs. I decided to try Jared’s incredible tub to pass the time.

The steam danced above the surface of the water as I let my robe fall to the floor. I stepped in with both feet, stifling a moan. Once I was submerged to my neck, my body relaxed. I loathed the communal showers of Andrews; I would miss more than just the tub when I returned.

“Nina? Did you grab a towel?” Jared said, his voice muffled through the door.

“No, I didn’t,” I said in a sing-song tone.

“I’ll grab you one.”

Within moments, Jared’s arm poked through as he cracked open the door, extending a thick navy blue towel. I frowned.

“I can’t reach it,” I teased.

I heard Jared sigh before he opened the door just wide enough to get through, turning his head to the opposite direction. He was still only in shorts and running shoes, dripping with sweat.

He took a few more steps in my direction, holding out the towel. The water sloshed as I raised my steaming arm to grab it, setting the towel beside me on the ledge.

“Thank you.”

Jared sighed and left the way he came, making sure not to open the door any wider than absolutely necessary.

I slid under the surface of the water to suppress the laughter. He was working as hard to preserve my chastity as I was to rid myself of it.

I remained in the tub until my feet and hands were sufficiently pruned. Wrapped in my robe, I climbed the wooden stairs, noticing Claire was no longer on the couch. When I reached the top, I heard the shower running.

I rifled through my things and chose a pink silk pajama set, and just when I buttoned the top of my shirt, Jared walked out of the bathroom in a pair of black cotton pajama pants.

“Where’s Claire?” I asked.

“She had to go out—training,” Jared explained, pulling the first aid box out from under his bed.

I sat down and held my hand palm up for him to work with. “I thought you were finished with your training. What else could she possibly learn? And from whom?”

“You’re full of questions tonight,” he said, working quickly to disinfect and redress my wound.

“And you’re evading them.”

“We have to acuminate our skills when we . . .” His eyes darkened the way they had during our first date.

“What is it?” I asked, watching him place the last strip of tape on my hand.

“May I ask you to do something for me?” he asked, closing his eyes.

“Anything. Except leave.”

Jared’s eyes popped open. “I don’t want you to leave. I’m asking you to wait.”

“Wait for what?” I grimaced. Jared had a knack for confusing me.

“Leave this one alone for now.”

“What’s going on, Jared?”

“I promise to explain everything to you soon. I’m just not ready to.” He squirmed uncomfortably. “Can you wait?”

“If that’s what you want.”

Jared’s face instantly relaxed. “Thank you.”

“May I ask just one thing?” I whispered, peeking up at the clouds reforming in Jared’s eyes. “I just was wondering . . . Will you ever have to leave me? For training, I mean.”

Jared smiled again, relieved at my question. “No. I’m finished with my training. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

“Poor me,” I teased.

I pulled myself back to lean against the headboard, and Jared lay on his stomach beside me. He hugged my legs to him and rested his head on my lap, and I ran my fingers through his damp hair.

“Are you running a fever?” I asked.

Jared looked up at me, puzzled. “I don’t get sick, Nina, remember?”

“I know, but you . . . You’re burning up,” I said, feeling his forehead.

“I run a little hotter than everyone else. It’s a constant thing.”

“How much hotter?” I asked, skeptical.

“Around one oh four usually. I just got out of the shower, so I’m probably a little higher than that at the moment.”

I stared at him blankly; I had nothing else to say.

Jared chuckled at my speechlessness and let his head rest against my leg again. “It’s not a big deal. Claire runs about the same. It has to do with how our bodies handle the extra abilities.”

“Abilities.” I repeated. Most of the time I had a handle on Jared being half-angel, but only when I tried not to think about it. The details made my head spin.

“I can’t imagine how it must be for you,” he said. “It’s hard enough getting to know someone when you start dating, and then you have to deal with your boyfriend spouting off unbelievable particulars all the time.”

“Oh, it’s boyfriend, now, is it?”

Jared laughed and sat up, readying himself to pounce.

My mouth hung open, feigning shock. “Don’t you dare!”

He grabbed my legs and pulled, sliding me underneath him. He playfully pinched my sides, tickling me as my laughter chimed through the loft.

“Okay! Okay. Boyfriend it is.” I giggled again.

Jared sighed in contentment at my words. “Everything I’ve ever wanted is right here in my arms.”

I couldn’t imagine why he looked at me that way. Six billion people in the world, and a man so perfect he was also half divine had chosen me. That fact alone was more than I deserved, but for him to say something so beautiful with that look in his eyes . . . I couldn’t help myself.

“I love you, Jared.” It didn’t seem like enough, but once the words tumbled from my mouth, his smile turned into pure elation, as if I’d given him the one thing he’d wanted his entire life. Before I could think to say anything else, his lips were on mine.

He kissed me differently this time; it was gentle, almost cautious. I wrapped both of my arms around his neck as he continued to work his warm lips softly against mine. He put so much emotion in these small, slow, tender kisses that I found myself fighting tears. He kissed me like a happy ending.

And then he stopped.

In one smooth movement, he moved me to my proper place in the bed. He crawled over me carefully, lying directly behind me, tracing my body with his. I took a deep breath and let out a satisfied humming sound that compelled Jared to pull me closer.

Just before I drifted off to sleep, I said the first prayer I’d uttered since I was girl. I wasn’t sure what I’d done to deserve such a wonderful gift, and I wasn’t sure if it was insolent, but I thanked God for fallen angels.

10. Fate

Over the next few days, we settled into a comfortable routine. Jared took me to school, returned to sit with me at lunch, and then waited outside my last class. At night, I studied while he worked out, and I became quite accustomed to falling asleep in his arms. Each time he dressed my wound, a sense of dread came over me; the healing cut meant that our nights together were numbered.

The girls at our regular lunch table became quite taken with Jared, while the boys tried their best to ignore him. The lines were clearly drawn. Lisa even invited Jared to a tentative girls’ night out, to which Jared replied with a raised eyebrow, causing those who were paying attention to laugh.

I noticed Ryan being careful to speak only to me, making a point to ignore anything Jared contributed to the conversation. By Thursday, the tension at the table had elevated.

“Are you coming to study group tonight or not?” Ryan asked, clearly in a bad mood.

“I’m not sure what the plans are tonight.”

Jared looked at me and began to speak, but Ryan cut him off. “What? You need permission?” he snapped.

I glared at him. “It’s called being courteous. You should try it.”

I felt Jared lightly touch my knee. I assumed it was to keep me calm. It wasn’t working; Ryan couldn’t be more proficient at getting under my skin.

“Just because I’m not happy about how weird you’ve been, doesn’t mean I’m being a jerk,” he said, his eyes narrowing.

“You said it, not me.”

“You’ve moved in with this guy.” He motioned to Jared. “You don’t talk to your friends anymore, and you’re skipping out on study group. I’m doing what friends do, Nina. I’m making sure you’re okay.”

“She called me last night,” Beth said defensively. Ryan ignored her.

I could feel the heat radiating from my face. “You’re not being a friend. You’re being aggressively nosy.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Are you coming to study group or not?”

“I’m coming,” I growled.

Ryan’s demeanor immediately changed. “So you wanna grab something to eat after?”

I felt Jared’s hand tense around my knee.

“Not funny, Ryan,” Kim scolded.

Ryan continued to look at me expectantly. Everyone at the table watched for my—and Jared’s—reaction.

“Jared is picking me up afterward. We have dinner plans,” I said, glaring at him.

“I thought you said you didn’t know what your plans were,” Ryan goaded.

I leaned forward in my chair, taking in a sufficient breath to unleash my temper across the table.

Jared finally spoke. “We have dinner plans every night, Ryan. You’re welcome to join us.” I shot Jared a surprised look and noticed that his face was free of any sarcasm.

Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed, taken off guard by Jared’s sincere invitation. “I think I’ll pass.”

I smirked at him, turning my attention to Jared. “Are you ready?”

“I am,” he said, leaning over to kiss my forehead.

Lisa and Carrie swooned.

At the door of my classroom, Jared set my bag on the floor beside me, pulling up the handle.

“Thank you,” I said, giving him a quick peck.

“I assume you’ll be hanging around here until study group.”

“You assume correctly.” I nodded.

“Call me when you’re finishing up. I’ll pick you up at the Rock.”

I grimaced. “It’s ridiculous that you have to sit outside and wait on me. Why don’t you just come?”

“Nina, it’s what I’ve done for the last three years. You need to spend time with your friends or they’re going to start worrying about you.”

“Ryan is the only one who’s worried, and he’s just being difficult,” I said, running my hand over the sleeve of his jacket.

“He’s jealous.”

I wrinkled my nose. “We’re just friends.”

Jared smiled and kissed the top of my hair. “I’ll see you later, then.”

As soon as class was over, I headed for Andrews. The sun was shining, and I was just beginning to enjoy my walk when Ryan appeared beside me.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” I said, less than enthusiastic about his company.

“Oh, c’mon. You’re not that mad,” he teased, throwing his arm over my shoulder and squeezing.

I squirmed from his embrace. “You tried to humiliate me in front of everyone, Ryan. What was the point in that?”

“I told you what the point was. I’m worried about you.”

I laughed and shook my head. I was never safer than when I was with Jared.

“Nina,” he said, slowing down. Before I could get too far ahead of him, he jerked me back by my coat sleeve to where he stood. “Nina!”

“What?” I growled, trying not to trip over my bag. I jerked my arm from his grip and smoothed out my sleeve.

“You have to admit you’ve been MIA this week. What’s going on with you? You barely know this guy.”

I fidgeted as I tried to think of a believable answer. I knew it appeared that way to him—and everyone else—but I couldn’t defend myself with the truth.

“I didn’t move in with him. My hand is infected, so he’s changing the dressing every night. When it heals, I’ll be back at Andrews.” I couldn’t help but frown at the thought.

“He could do that at Andrews,” Ryan argued.

Of course he was right, but Jared and I both knew it had been a flimsy excuse all along. I didn’t like the thought of him spending the night in his Escalade outside Andrews, and Jared was more than ready to make the present living arrangement permanent. Neither of which I could explain to Ryan.

“What is your problem?” I asked, continuing to the dorm.

Ryan shoved his hands in his pockets, following closely behind. “I just think you’re getting in way too deep, way too fast. You need to take a step back. Slow down. You just met this guy, and you’re acting like an old married couple. You have other friends.”

Feeling slighted, my mouth flew open. “I am not! I know I have other friends. I’ve talked to Beth and Kim every night since I’ve been at Jared’s.”

“You haven’t talked to me,” he said, looking hurt.

I rolled my eyes, glad that we had finally reached Andrews. “You want me to start calling you at night? Will that make you feel better?”

“Maybe it would. Will your husband mind?”

I rolled my eyes, pulling my keys from my pocket. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Mind if I come up?”

“I guess not, since you’re already following me in.”

I shoved the door open and rolled my bag into the closet. Ryan sat on Beth’s bed and watched me, seemingly amused.

“What?” I asked, waiting for a sarcastic remark.

He shrugged, dropping his backpack to the floor. “Nothing. You’re just so ridiculous.”

“How so?” I asked, peeling off my coat.

“You spend so much time pretending to be mad at me when you know why I say the things I do. I don’t get it. You like spending time with me; you like spending time with him. The only difference is that you decided to play house with him this week.”

I raised my eyebrows, anticipating a fight. “Are you insinuating what I think you’re insinuating?” I asked, pulling off my boots.

“It depends. Are you going to throw your boots at me?” he asked, pulling one side of his mouth up into a grin.

“You think I’m leading you on?” I yelled, gripping one boot in my hand.

“Well . . .” He trailed off long enough to see my temper flare. “Just kidding!” He held his hands up, expecting a boot to fly across the room. When he felt he was safe, he continued, “I didn’t say that. I just think you should leave your options open. That’s all. You’re getting all wrapped up in this guy you barely know. You might miss someone who’s right under your nose.”

I knew what he meant, but I refused to gratify it with a reply. I plugged in my laptop, watching the screen as it came to life. “What time are you heading over there?”

“Whenever you do,” Ryan shrugged, sprawling out on Beth’s bed.

“I probably won’t leave until seven thirty,” I said, crisscrossing my legs on the desk chair.

“Okay.”

I looked over at him in disbelief. “What do you plan on doing here for four hours?”

“Hanging out with you. It’s my turn.” He sniffed.

“Ugh! You talk as if you’re sharing me,” I groaned, disgusted.

“I am,” he said, utterly naïve of any offense.

“Quit it.”

Ryan laughed and interlocked his fingers behind his head. I watched him for a moment as he stared at the ceiling. Surely being in Ryan’s position was nothing to be so chipper about, and I was getting impatient for him to get over this ridiculous crush so we could go back to being friends.

The next four hours passed relatively quickly. Ryan and I caught up on the last week, although I was careful to leave out much of what went on in Jared’s loft. We talked as we used to, and it was refreshing. I had missed him.

He was right, I did enjoy spending time with him, not less than I did with Jared, but it was exceedingly different. I always felt at ease with Ryan, but the urgency wasn’t there. I didn’t feel as if the oxygen were missing from the room when he wasn’t in it. Ryan was always in the back of my mind, and it hurt me when he was hurting, but he was wrong. There were more differences than just playing house.

We were the last ones to arrive at the Rock. Ryan wanted to grab something to eat on the way, so our detour cost us the prime seats.

Beth smiled at me when we walked in. “Hey!”

“Hey yourself. Where were you?” I asked.

“At Chad’s.” She smiled. I looked to Chad, who appeared frustrated with his laptop.

Ryan and I had brought a stack of notes to occupy our time, so we went right to work. After an hour, I decided to take a break and call Jared.

“Hey,” Jared answered in a tender tone, picking up on the first ring.

“I just thought I’d call and see how you’re doing. Did you want me to bring you some coffee or something?”

“No, sweetheart, just pretend I’m not here.”

“I just don’t like the idea of you having to sit outside in the cold.”

“This is what I do, remember? I’m ready to see you, though,” he added.

“Me too.” I cringed at how utterly ignoble my words sounded. I was glad that he could sense differently.

I walked back to the group, and Ryan grimaced.

“Don’t start,” I warned.

Ryan shook his head and returned to his book. He fidgeted in his seat for a while and then finally heaved a big sigh. “Are you staying there again tonight?” he blurted out.

“That’s none of your business,” I said, distracted by a particularly tricky equation.

“I thought he said you had dinner plans. Since you missed dinner, I thought maybe you’d just stay here tonight.”

“Still none of your business,” I murmured, scanning the words on the pages. Any divulging of my sleeping arrangements would only end in another argument that I wasn’t in the mood for.

Beginning the third subject, I looked up at the clock.

“Is that clock right?” I asked the group. Everyone looked in unison at the large round clock on the wall and then peered at their watches or cell phones. In different tones, they all murmured confirmations.

“What?” Ryan asked, stretching as he watched me shove my things into my bag.

“It’s late; I have to go.”

I pulled out my phone and pressed the speed dial for Jared’s cell. He didn’t answer, so I rushed out the door. I stood there a moment, looking around, and then hurried down the stairs, banging the rollers of my bag against every step. The Escalade wasn’t there.

I tried not to panic, convincing myself that he was just in a well-secluded spot. After ten minutes, I walked down the sidewalk a little over a block each way. My search was futile. Jared wouldn’t let me walk around in the dark; he wasn’t there.

My bag barely touched the ground as I sprinted across campus, glad that Claire had parked my car in the middle lot to be spiteful. I thought of all the possibilities for his sudden disappearance, but my mind kept returning to the hell I’d gone through just a week before. Jared didn’t have a history of warning me that he was going to end our relationship.

By the time I reached my car, my lungs were frozen and aching. I fumbled with my keys and ripped the door open, heaving my bag to the passenger side. The tires squealed as I pulled out into the street, cursing every stoplight that cost me precious time.

I pulled up to Jared’s loft and took a deep breath. His Escalade wasn’t parked in front, but I tried the door, anyway. I kept my eyes on the doorknob as I waited, willing it to twist open. Dogs barked down the dark street, and I suddenly felt uneasy. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how safe I felt with Jared; the alley had never seemed frightening before.

I walked back to the Beemer, defeated. He would have called if it was anything other than the worst scenario. He had either broken his promise not to leave me, or he was in danger. After twenty minutes and still no call from Jared, my lungs began to feel less satisfied with every breath, and my eyes welled over with tears.

A knock resounded on my window and I jumped. Claire’s flawless face was on the other side.

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, stop. Something came up. I’m here to let you in.”

I stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded. Her explanation didn’t make sense, but the knowledge that he had sent her to let me in the loft extinguished half of my fears.

“Is he okay?” I asked, following her down the alley.

“Uh, yeah, you worry too much,” she said, her annoyed expression obvious even in the dark.

She led me up the iron stairs of the entry way and then opened the door to let me inside. I ran up the stairs to the loft and collapsed into the bed. An overwhelming feeling of relief tore through me, and I did my best to weep quietly to avoid further ridicule from Claire.

I dried my eyes as I heard her light footsteps climb the stairs and stop beside the bed.

“Wow,” she deadpanned, chomping on a wad of gum too big for her petite mouth. “Why don’t you take a shower?” she asked.

I ignored her.

Claire sighed and sat down on Jared’s side of the bed.

I froze for a moment, bracing for an obnoxious comment from her. She sat quietly.

I shot a confused glance her way. “W-What are you doing?” I asked, sniffing.

“I’m supposed to sit with you,” she said, sounding bored.

“Sit with me? Why?”

“I just am. Go take a shower, will you? You’re a mess.”

I sniffed again and ambled to the shower, too baffled to argue. Claire never missed an opportunity to make me feel like an idiot, but surely she could understand my tears. I hurried through my nightly routine, anxious that every noise outside the bathroom was Jared returning home.

When I finished, Claire was downstairs. I slipped on one of Jared’s T-shirts. It was a poor substitute, but it would have to do until he came home. With impeccable timing, she returned as I slipped under the covers.

She looked away from me, suddenly uncomfortable. “That’s Jared’s favorite shirt.”

I looked down and noticed the dead giveaway: It was ratty and worn. The dark gray heather cotton was thin, and I smiled as I made out the faded words across the front; it was from a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert four years ago. I looked up at Claire who showed signs of a slight grin.

“My dad took him to that concert,” she mused, sitting on the bed beside me.

“You look like him,” I said. Gabe had had light blond hair as well, and Claire had inherited his ice blue eyes.

Those eyes instantly glazed over with anger. “Don’t talk about him. You . . .” She stopped herself. “Just go to sleep, Nina.”

Falling asleep with Claire sitting over me like a prison guard wasn’t likely, so I turned my back to her, focusing on Jared. I wondered what it was that he was doing and wondered why he hadn’t called. I opened my mouth to ask Claire, but given her mood, I thought better of it.

The clock switched from p.m. to a.m. as the numbers switched to midnight. Jared still hadn’t called, and I was almost worried enough to ask Claire to call him. At that moment, Claire stood up and walked over to the railing. The outside door slammed, footsteps echoed up the iron steps, and then the front door opened and closed quietly. Claire’s eyes followed the footsteps up the stairs until Jared came into view.

The sight of him shocked me. His face was smudged with dirt and blood, along with his shirt, jacket, and jeans. His knuckles were swollen and bloody. I noticed that on a few of them the hide had ripped away and hung by just a few centimeters of skin.

“Jared?” I said, ripping the covers off to run to him.

“I’m okay,” he said, holding me away. “I’m dirty. Let me jump in the shower.”

Without a word, Claire retreated downstairs.

I paced the room, chewing on my nails until he reappeared. He was dressed and clean shaven; the only remnants of his earlier disheveled appearance were his already healing knuckles.

“What happened?” I asked in firm tone.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. Something came up,” he said, eyeing my bandage-free hand.

“Obviously,” I said, crossing my arms. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Dawson stopped by The Rock to pay you a visit. I had to act quickly.” He walked by me to pull the first aid kit from under the bed.

“Mr. Dawson?” I asked, shocked.

“He was armed, and he also had . . .” Jared’s jaw tensed. “He had paraphernalia.”

“What kind of paraphernalia?” I said, sitting on the bed.

“The kind you use to tie someone up and torture him. He was planning to get his hands on that package tonight.”

I swallowed loudly. If Jared hadn’t been there to protect me, I didn’t want to think where I would be.

He didn’t look up when he spoke. “He won’t bother you again.”

“You . . .”

I watched as he worked silently, dabbing antibiotic ointment across my hand. The cut was now the beginning of a bright pink scar; the infection had dissipated days ago.

After a long pause, Jared answered me. “I didn’t kill him, not that I didn’t have to exercise restraint. He gave up information, but not nearly enough. I let my emotions get in the way.” He sighed and shook his head. “He wasn’t conscious long enough to tell me everything I needed.”

“You tortured him,” I said, watching Jared fasten the last piece of tape on the flawlessly wrapped gauze. I braced for his answer; the Jared I knew wasn’t capable of the horror that I imagined.

“I wanted to snap his spine and throw him in the Narragansett to drown, Nina. He’s lucky he ended up with his life.”

His job was to protect me by any means necessary; I just hadn’t stopped to think what that would be. “What did you find out?”

“We’ll discuss it tomorrow. You need to rest,” he whispered. He placed me gingerly on the bed, kissing the palm of my bandaged hand.

When he tried to pull away, I squeezed his fingers with mine. “I was worried. I drove here prepared to beg you back.”

He laughed once. “In what alternate universe would you ever have to beg me back?”

“I’ve had to rip out two microphones and nearly freeze to death in the pouring rain to get you back before. Driving to your apartment and knocking on your door isn’t the most extreme measure I’ve taken.”

Jared’s expression was pained. “I noticed your car out front. I’m sorry I had to leave without an explanation. I didn’t have a choice.”

“It was better than the alternative,” I said, my grin fading as I considered the possibilities.

Jared touched the side of my face and then left me to walk toward the stairs. I sat up to protest, but Jared paused. “I’ll be right back,” he assured me.

Relaxing against the bed, I listened to his footsteps jog down the steps. He was silent when he reached the couch, and in the next moment, I heard him climb the stairs again.

He sat beside me and held a small red box in the palm of his hand. “Don’t get too excited. It’s nothing major.”

I smiled and took the box from his hands, pulling on the small silver loop on the top. I looked at him, raising my eyebrows in surprise.

“It’s to make up for tonight. So? What do you think?”

Hanging from the lid was a shiny silver key.

“To the loft,” he explained. “Next time something comes up, you won’t have to wait outside in the cold.”

“When did you have time to do this?” I asked, still processing the shiny object spinning around from a thin red ribbon.

Jared shrugged. “I had it made a few days ago. I’ve been meaning to give it to you, but you haven’t needed it until now.”

“You’re giving me a key?” My eyebrows lifted in disbelief.

Jared nodded, and then his brows pulled together. “I promised you I would never leave you. I meant it. If something like this happens again, come here. Wait for me.” He touched his hand gently to my cheek. “I’ll earn your trust back.”

“I trust you,” I said, mimicking his expression.

Jared leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. “And I trust you. Nice work in your room today.”

I cringed. “You heard that, did you?”

Jared chuckled. “All of it. I think it’s going to take me by surprise every time I hear you say my name in perfunctory conversation. It’s a good thing Ryan . . .”

“It’s a good thing Ryan, what?” I asked, leaning over to bring his eyes to mine.

“It’s a good thing I have patience,” Jared said, looking everywhere but my eyes.

“You have a lot of patience, but that’s not what you were going to say.”

Jared’s eyes bounced from me to the floor to other things in the room, uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed. “It has to do with what I told you we would discuss later.”

“Claire’s training has to do with Ryan?”

Jared sighed. “You’re not going to wait now, are you?”

I shook my head slowly, not sure what to expect. The two names seemed to be on different sides of the universe.

Jared leaned his head down, looking at me from under his eyebrows. “The night at the pub, when you first met Claire, Ryan put his hands on me.” I nodded and Jared continued, “When she grabbed his hand, she felt something. She felt his pain.” Jared patiently waited for me to comprehend.

“Ryan is Claire’s Taleh?” I whispered, knowing she could hear me, anyway. I couldn’t believe it, and at the same time I felt excited, as if I’d just heard a juicy bit of gossip. “But when we were mugged . . .” Claire was talented, even among her kind. She wouldn’t have let Ryan be hurt in that way.

“That’s why the situation went further than I normally allow. Claire had them targeted. It would have just taken a second to take them out, but when Ryan jumped in, Claire couldn’t get a clear shot. She couldn’t risk it. That’s when I decided to intercede.” Jared’s eyes began to cloud over. The worst was coming.

“Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

Jared leaned over and kissed me. It was urgent and deep, the way he kissed me before I left him to speak with my mother, as if he were kissing me good-bye forever.

He reluctantly pulled away to look at me. “It was for purely selfish reasons. I wanted to wait so you and I could . . . So you could get to know me better.”

“You lost me.”

“Remember when I was explaining the Taleh, you mentioned how convenient it was that Gabe protected Jack and I protected you?”

I nodded. “Yes, you said that angel groups tend to stay in families or among those who are connected somehow.” Now that he’d brought it to my attention, it made more sense. “Claire is Ryan’s protector because he’s a friend?”

Jared sighed and shifted nervously beside me. “Claire being Ryan’s protector means he is supposed to be in your life. Permanently.”

I smiled and shook my head. “So what are you saying? That Ryan’s going to be family somehow?” Jared waited, and my eyes widened in disbelief. “You think I’m supposed to marry him? Oh, come on! That’s ridiculous!”

“That would be the only explanation,” Jared said, his expression grave.

“You’re not serious. There’s no way for you to know that. It could be any number of things.”

“I thought that if you didn’t get to know me first then you’d want to be with him. He is supposed to be your husband, one of these days. I would understand why, armed with that knowledge, you might feel differently. He’s a good friend to you, and he’s persistent,” Jared said, his face twisting into an annoyed expression.

I held his face in my hands and looked directly into his eyes. “Quit it. I’m in love with you, Jared. There is no me without you.”

He watched me for a moment. “I’m sorry I kept it from you.”

“You don’t have a single thing to worry about. I promise,” I said.

Jared switched off the lamp and crawled over to his side, pulling me to him.

“I missed you,” I said, settling into his arms. “It’s going to be hard to go back to the way it was when my hand heals. I could start staying at Andrews this weekend.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Jared whispered in the dim light.

I buried my head into his chest. I had never wanted anything more, but Ryan’s words about moving too fast came to the forefront of my mind.

“I would love that, someday,” I said, hoping to preserve his feelings.

“Someday,” he repeated, sighing. “I understand. It’s too fast.”

“Maybe just a little.” I smiled, kissing his chest.

~*~

The next morning, I woke up in Jared’s arms. He was awake, patiently holding me against him. My smile faded when I realized it would be our last morning together for a while.

“What is it?” Jared asked, sensing my disappointment.

I sucked in a deep, disheartening breath. “It’s Friday. I’m going back to Andrews tonight.”

“You have a key. You can use it whenever you’d like.”

“That’s right,” I said, looking up at him with a smile. “That’s comforting.”

Jared brushed my bangs from my face. “I’m going to miss seeing you like this in the morning especially in my shirt. It would have had a whole new significance had I known that one day you would be lying in my arms with it on. An interesting choice, I might add. That’s my favorite one.”

“I heard.”

“Take it with you. I want you to have it.”

“But it’s your favorite shirt!” I argued, pulling away to look at him.

“My mornings won’t be quite as disappointing from now on if I know you’re waking up in that shirt,” he countered.

“Good point. I’m taking it. But it’s only on loan.”

“Oh, there’s no doubt in my mind that one of these days it will be a permanent fixture in my closet again. You can’t live in Andrews forever.”

I bit my lip and pressed my cheek against his bare chest. It seemed a little silly, lying here with him and knowing we both would rather I just stay. I would never hear the end of it from my friends, and my mother would be an entirely different set of problems.

“I could stay here on the weekends,” I said.

“You will?” he asked, his eyes brightening.

“If that’s okay, I don’t want to impose.”

Jared kissed me until I could feel a tingling in my toes. Just as I needed to take a breath, he pulled away. “I would have everything you own here by the time you finished your classes today if you’d let me. Having you stay here on weekends is absolutely okay.”

A smile spanned the width of my face, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. When he said things like that, it was hard for me to remember why I couldn’t just give in to what he wanted—to what I wanted. I immediately felt better knowing that I had a few more days with him.

“You’re going to be late. I’ll make coffee,” he said, jogging downstairs.

I hurried through my shower, and Jared handed me a pink travel mug as I put my coat on. I raised an eyebrow at the color and then looked back at him.

“It’s Claire’s.” He shrugged.

“Um, I thought I would take my car today. Do you mind picking me up, later?”

Jared didn’t hide his disappointment. “Sure. Just give me a call when you’re ready.”

I leaned up on my toes to kiss him. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

~*~

The professor began to lecture just as I slid into my seat. Kim leaned over to whisper in my ear.

“Beth and I are going for coffee after class. You coming?”

“Sure. I’ll drive,” I offered.

I felt as if I hadn’t spent enough time with Kim and Beth lately. An afternoon at the café would give us time to catch up. At least I would get caught up on their lives; my news included almost getting kidnapped and tortured and my boyfriend nearly beating the man to death who had tried.

The three of us huddled at the table of the coffee shop, waiting to thaw. The temperature had dropped significantly after lunch, and the wind was brutal. I was glad that I would be lying on a beach somewhere in just over a week.

I sipped my coffee as Beth chattered about Chad. Things between them were progressing, and she mentioned she wasn’t homesick for the first time since she’d come to Brown. She was even considering getting an apartment in the summer instead of returning to Oklahoma.

I tried to concentrate on the conversation, but I found myself focusing on the new information Jared had forced out of Dawson. I wanted to know what it was that Jared was keeping from me; it couldn’t be good news.

“Nigh. Nigh! Where are you? You look like you’re a million miles away,” Kim said. She and Beth were both staring at me with matching expressions.

“Ugh, I’m sorry. I just have a lot going on,” I said, blinking.

Beth’s cell phone hummed. By the tone, I knew that it was Chad. Apparently he was out and about, and she invited him to join us.

“I hope that’s okay,” Beth said to us after disconnecting the line.

Kim shrugged. “Fine with me.”

“Ryan is with him,” Beth added, eyeing me.

I made sure my face was smooth. I hadn’t seen Ryan since Jared had told me that Ryan and I were meant to be together. I wasn’t sure how to act around him with that knowledge.

Ten minutes later the door chimed as Chad and Ryan strolled through it. They were both in gym clothes, sweaty and tired.

Ryan had his white hat pulled down over his eyes and didn’t speak when he sat across from me at the table. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“What have you two been up to?” Beth asked, standing up to sit on Chad’s lap.

“We just finished a basketball game. We lost,” Chad said in an embittered tone.

“They cheated. Repeatedly.” Ryan chuckled, only his smile visible.

“What? You can’t handle prison rules?” Kim elbowed him, making him sway for a moment.

Ryan pulled his hat up and over to the side, his eyes finally in view. “I can handle prison rules; it’s the cheating when there are supposed to be rules that bothers me. I lost twenty bucks!”

“Oh no!” Beth said, laughing. “Did you lose money, baby?” Chad pursed his lips and nodded, still brooding. “Aw!” she said, rubbing his back.

We sat at the table, discussing the game. Our laughter saturated the room, causing the other patrons to stare. After a while, Ryan leaned over and pulled my chair closer to him, the legs grating against the floor. He stretched his arm around the back of my chair and smiled, flashing the deep dimple in his cheek.

Ryan’s destiny to be my future husband popped into my head, and a strange ache overwhelmed me. Ryan’s future was forever changed the second Jared sat on that bench. I would never take that moment back, but I cared about Ryan. I wanted him to be happy, and that was impossible if I stayed in the picture. One of these days I would have to remove myself completely from his life, and because of that, either Claire or Jared would be separated from their family.

Ryan gripped my shoulder and pulled me to his side. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Hmmm?” I said, distracted.

“She’s been like that the whole time she’s been here,” Kim complained.

Ryan hugged me to him again, and I turned, throwing my arms around him. He tensed, obviously not expecting my sudden display of affection. After his initial shock wore off, he rested his chin on my shoulder and enveloped me in his arms.

He puffed a short laugh. “What’s going on, Nigh?” he whispered into my neck.

I shook my head. I couldn’t tell him, and even if I did, I didn’t want him to know.

“We’re, uh . . . We’re going to take off,” Chad said.

“Is it all right if I catch a ride with you?” Kim asked.

I pulled away from Ryan and looked up at my friends. “It’s Friday. Did you want to go out later?”

Kim shot a look at Ryan and then back at me. “I already have plans. Tomorrow night?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“I’ll catch a ride with Nina,” Ryan said.

Beth and I both looked at Chad, who shrugged. “Cool. See ya.” He lifted his hand to wave, and they filed out of the coffee shop.

I looked at Ryan, embarrassed. “It’s official. I’m a freak.”

“You’re not a freak. Chad was planning to take Beth back with him, anyway. They have dinner plans.”

“I cleared the table in less than two minutes. I’m a freak.”

“You want to grab some dinner?”

I tried to think of a delicate way to turn him down, but he spoke before anything came to mind.

“We’ll just grab something quick, go through a drive thru. Josh and I are going to grab a few beers later, anyway,” he explained.

“Oh. Yeah, okay,” I said, standing up.

We sat in the parking lot closest to Andrews, devouring our fast food. The slogan game had kept us entertained since we left the coffee shop. Ryan countered my feeble attempts to stump him so quickly that I couldn’t help but double over with laughter.

“Have you been practicing?” I giggled, exhausted from laughing so hard.

“I’m not gonna lie. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands, waiting to heal.” He chuckled, throwing up a piece of chicken and catching it in his mouth. “What are you doing tonight?” he asked.

“I’m probably going to get some laundry together and take it over to Jared’s,” I said without thinking.

“You’re staying over there again? I thought you said you weren’t moving in,” he said, this time without his usual attitude.

“I’m not,” I snapped, waiting for him to come back with something spiteful.

Ryan sighed and took my hand. “I don’t want to argue about it anymore, Nigh. I’ve said everything I needed to say on the subject.”

“I don’t want us to fight, either. I want us to be able to hang out and be friends like we used to. I miss you,” I said, suddenly hopeful that we could get beyond all the infatuation nonsense.

“I miss you, too. I’ll quit being a jerk,” he said, brushing my bangs out of my eyes. “When you hugged me tonight, I realized how ridiculous I’ve been. I don’t want to lose you, Nina. It doesn’t matter if you’re with him or me or anyone else. What matters is that we’re friends and that you can count on me being here when you need me.”

I pulled in a shallow breath through my nose, trying to keep my eyes from glossing over with tears. He didn’t know that we would have to lose each other if he wanted to be happy. I just smiled and nodded my head, and Ryan hugged me once more.

“Truce?”

“Truce.” I smiled.

He walked to his dormitory, and I headed to Andrews, feeling morose. I pulled out my cell phone and called Jared, who picked up on the first ring.

“Hey,” he answered, sounding a bit sad himself.

“I’m just going to grab a few things from my room, and then I’ll be ready.”

As I rounded the corner, Jared came into view, his cell phone to his ear. He pulled up one corner of his mouth into a contrived half-smile. I put my cell phone away and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. He could sense my feelings for Ryan, and I was ashamed for feeling the way I did. It wasn’t fair to either of them.

An awkward silence festered in the Escalade until we pulled up to the curb in front of his apartment.

“Nina—”

“It’s okay.” I wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but I didn’t want to waste time discussing my feelings for Ryan. Jared felt he was getting in the way of fate, but I knew what I wanted. There would be no compromise.

We walked hand in hand to the loft, and I could feel the worry radiating from him. I hung my coat on the rack and immediately went to the kitchen, praying there were dishes to be done or to put away—anything to keep me busy.

Jared went to his extravagant stereo system and tinkered with the multitude of buttons. While I put away dishes in various cabinets, a familiar song permeated the room. I felt Jared’s arms surround me, the heat of his skin sinking into my back. His cheek touched mine as he pulled me into his chest, and I closed my eyes when he whispered into my ear.

“Do you recognize this song?”

I simply nodded, listening to the music. It was the song we danced to at the pub. I remembered that moment as if it were just hours before, and yet it felt like a lifetime ago.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s called ‘Little Heaven.’” His lips peppered my neck with soft, tiny kisses, working his way up to my ear.

I smiled. “That’s appropriate.”

Jared turned me slowly to face him, and I watched the clouds roll in, darkening his eyes. His jaw tensed as he scanned my face.

“I could step aside, Nina. I could step aside and let you be with who you’re supposed to be with. If I were any less selfish, I would. Even after all my stupid mistakes, I still think I can make you happy. If it’s what you want, I’ll step aside.” He shook his head. “But if it’s not, I’ll fight fate. I’ll fight Heaven and Hell and everything in between to keep you.”

I stood there, stunned. Anything I said would pale in comparison. The storms in his eyes raged stronger than I’d ever seen them.

“Jared . . .” I struggled with what I wanted to say. Jared swallowed, sensing the turmoil within me. I shook my head, and he let go of my waist, bracing himself for my next words. But there would be none.

I inched up on the balls of my feet and paused. My eyes moved from his eyes to his mouth. Jared stood motionless, waiting for judgment.

I pressed my lips to his, and he cautiously kissed me back. My hands held each side of his face, and I worked my lips against his, sliding my fingers through the back of his hair. Jared’s hands returned to my waist as the kiss intensified. My lips parted, and he pulled me to him without hesitation. His doubt melted away; he knew my decision.

Against his body, I let out an involuntary moan, causing a chain reaction. Almost simultaneously, I lifted Jared’s shirt as he finished the task by yanking it over his head. My knee inched up, and Jared firmly grabbed it, pulling it higher up his side, and then he eagerly lifted me on top of the counter.

I wrapped my legs around him, digging my fingers into the bare flesh of his back to draw him closer. His hands gripped my thighs, impatiently pulling me to the edge of the counter. Jared’s lips were urgent, but in a new way. This wasn’t the kiss that he used to tell me he loved me or to tell me good-bye. He was giving in.

Jared lifted my sweater over my head, and I let out a satisfied sigh when he pressed his bare chest against mine. I pressed my lips harder against his; we still weren’t close enough. My breath grew ragged and uneven as he impatiently pulled me from the counter and walked across the room—my legs still wrapped around him—to climb the stairs. As he held me, he never took his lips from mine.

With one hand on my back and the other on the mattress, he gently lowered me to his bed. His lips caressed every inch of my neck, and my body shivered in anticipation. I slid my hand down the perfect ripples of his chest and stomach and pulled his belt free of the loops, fumbling with the buckle. A low moan emanated from his lips when I finally unfastened it, and his mouth readily returned to mine.

He pulled away with a quick jerk, his eyes unfocused.

“What?” I asked, pushing myself up on my elbows.

His jaw tensed, and he closed his eyes in frustration. “Claire.”

In the next moment, Claire unlocked the door and opened it without knocking. Jared stood at the top of the stairs and glared down at his sister.

“Busy?” Claire asked.

I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh, thinking of the view from Claire’s perspective. It wouldn’t take much for her to imagine what we’d been up to.

“I’m going to take that key back if you don’t start calling ahead of time,” Jared growled.

“You say that as if I can’t pick your lock in three seconds.”

“I’m serious, Claire,” Jared said so quietly that I barely heard him.

Well, I’m sorry,” she said, not sounding sorry at all. “Bex left for training an hour ago, and Mom is all weepy. Ryan is in bed asleep, and lucky me, my Taleh doesn’t have half the police force and various criminals after him.”

Jared turned to face me, and his expression morphed from anger to an apologetic expression.

“She’s here for the night,” he explained, going to his closet and pulling a T-shirt off the hanger. He seemed to have thought better of it, putting the shirt back and walking across the room to search through my suitcase for a pair of pajamas.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself if you put one of my T-shirts on,” he said quietly, handing me the pajamas. I smiled at him, amused.

Claire groaned in disgust downstairs. “Gross.”

Clothes shot up and over the railing, landing at Jared’s feet. They were the shirts we had left behind on the kitchen floor. The refrigerator door opened, and the sounds of Claire rummaging for food made Jared roll his eyes.

“I’m going to take a quick shower,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

I smiled. “A cold one?”

“Yeah,” he said, turning toward the bathroom.

“I could keep you company.”

Jared froze in mid-step, pausing for just a moment before closing the bathroom door behind him.

I changed while he was in the shower, feeling a bit guilty for teasing him. I understood his frustration all too well. I leaned back on the bed, chewing on my thumbnail and smiling at what had almost happened.

11. The Hunt

“I’ll be good,” I promised.

Jared came out of the bathroom in only a pair of shorts. He stood several feet from me, hesitating to come to bed. “Maybe you should take a cold shower, too. I don’t think it I can concentrate with you . . .”

“Aroused?” I said, pressing my lips together to stifle a laugh.

His mouth fell open in shock, and I cackled, too pleased with the reaction to help myself.

Jared smiled and nodded, complaisant to my playful badgering. He crawled into bed and propped his head up with his hand.

I sat against the headboard and sighed. “She wasn’t serious, right? About the half-the-police-force thing?”

His face fell. “I won’t let anything happen to you,” he said, sliding his fingers between mine.

“Why are they after me?”

Jared cursed in Spanish under his breath resulting in Claire giggling from somewhere downstairs.

“They’re not after you, sweetheart. They’re after something of Jack’s. They just think you know where it is.”

“They’re after the Port of Providence file?”

“Dawson said they want to dispose of the evidence Jack compiled that proves they’re dirty, but they’re looking for something else—something that’s contained within the file.”

“So we go to my parents’ house, figure it out, and get rid of it. Toss it off of a bridge or something.”

“That wouldn’t help us, Nina,” Jared said, shaking his head.

“Why not?” I grimaced.

“Whatever it is, it was worth going after Jack Grey. No one does that unless it’s . . . It’s something big, Nina, something we don’t want to be caught without.”

“What are you talking about?” I was frustrated with the circles we seemed to be talking in.

“I shouldn’t tell you this.” He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger.

“Do it anyway,” I snapped.

A heavy expression settled on his face. “Jack didn’t die from the car accident. He died of complications from a gunshot wound to the chest.”

It took a moment for my brain to wrap around what he’d said, but once I processed the words, I was angry. “What?”

Jared put his hand on mine. “Gabe did everything in his power to try to save him, but Jack was in over his head.”

“I thought Gabe was indestructible. Wasn’t he one-hundred-percent angel?”

“They threatened the only thing more important to him than Jack.”

“More important than his own life?” I asked, skeptical.

Jared nodded; the severity in his face was a bit frightening. “My mother. They were in my home the day Jack was shot. Claire and I had taken Bex to the airport, so Gabe had no choice but to leave him. My father knew what would happen if he left Jack alone, but his life meant nothing without my mother. Jack was shot en route to his office downtown. He did crash into a guard rail, but it was the bullet that led to his death.”

“You’re saying the men who want this package murdered my father?” Jared confirmed with a nod, and I felt heat burn from every pore in my face. “I don’t care what it is. We’re getting rid of it. They will never get their hands on it.”

“Nina, I know you’re upset, but we need to think about this. They want something in that file so badly they went up against Jack and my father, and they knew what Gabe was capable of. I’d rather have it in our possession so we have something to barter with if need be.”

Tears filled my eyes, and Jared wrapped his arms around me. I mourned yet again for my father. I kept losing him over and over, with one horrible truth after another.

I cried myself to sleep, and when I awoke, Jared comforted me once again when the news from the night before replayed in my memory.

“I need to do something. I can’t just sit here,” I said, rushing over to my suitcase.

“I’m going to figure this out, Nina. Just give me a day or two to decide our next move.”

“I can’t wait another second,” I said, my mind racing to form a plan. When the idea struck, I paused. “I’m going back to my parents’. The answers are there.” I yanked a T-shirt over my head and put on the first pair of jeans I touched.

“We don’t have to go now,” he argued.

“Yes we do,” I said, pulling on my shoes while hopping to the stairs.

Jared scrambled from the bed. The hangers in his closet clanged against each other, and within seconds, he was behind me, fully dressed. “Not exactly how I wanted to spend the weekend,” he said, frowning.

“C’mon. Let’s go. Vámanos!” I said, rushing him out the door.

In my parents’ home, Jared followed me up the stairs to Jack’s office. He watched me locate the keys to Cynthia’s safe, followed me to her study, and then pulled the plant to the floor without effort. I used the key to gain access to the papers and files inside, placing them in somewhat organized piles.

For two hours, we searched the documents, separating what we thought would be useful. One photo caught my eye. I held it out in front of me, staring at it, hoping I would recognize what it was that drew me in.

“He looks familiar to you?” Jared prompted.

“Something about his eyes . . . I can’t put my finger on it.”

Jared pulled a black wallet from his jacket pocket and tossed it into my lap; it was the one he had taken the night Ryan was stabbed. I took a closer look at the metal object embedded into the black leather. It was a badge.

I gasped, pointing at the picture. “This is the man who wanted my ring. This is Graham.”

Jared nodded.

“They were all cops?” I said, shaking my head in disbelief. “Why would they . . .?” My eyes wandered to my hand.

Jared stared at it as well. “The ring must be the key to something.”

“It doesn’t make any sense,” I whispered. I looked at the papers for a moment and then rifled through them.

“What is it?” Jared asked.

“There’s a receipt in here for the purchase of my ring. I didn’t think about it before, but there has to be a connection,” I said, impatient with the endless stacks. “Why else would it be here with important business documents?”

My eyes widened with excitement when I found the thin carbon copy. Jared leaned over my shoulder to take a look for himself.

“There’s an engraving charge,” he pointed out. “Is your ring engraved?”

“No. I don’t . . . Jack never said anything. I’ve never noticed,” I said, looking at my ring.

Slowly pulling it off my finger, I held it up, rotated it, and narrowed my eyes, looking for any words. “There’s nothing,”

Jared held out his hand, and I handed it to him. My finger felt naked in its absence. Jared lifted it up, looked at it from every angle, and then returned it to my finger.

“There’s nothing,” he confirmed. He eyed the receipt again. “I say we go to the designer. Maybe they have a copy of this receipt.”

I nodded, prompting Jared to gather the information and return it to the safe.

Jared and I drove to the address on the receipt, and I nervously twisted the ring around my finger as we pulled to a stop beside the curb. At first glance, it appeared to be a typical jewelry store, not the underground, surreptitious establishment I had expected.

The bell on the door announced our arrival, and a short, pudgy, elderly man with round glasses greeted us. Jared took my hand as we walked toward the glass display cases the man stood behind.

“Good morning. I am Vincent! You like diamonds? Sapphires? Rubies? Emeralds? Semi-precious stones? I have them all,” he gushed with a thick accent.

Jared squeezed my hand and introduced himself. “This is Nina. I’m Jared.”

Vincent didn’t skip a beat. “I’d be happy to help you with anything you need.” He paused to look at our hands intertwined and smiled. “Could I interest you in our exquisite line of engagement diamonds? I designed most of these,” he said, pointing out a long row of extravagant rings. “I can custom design one, if you wish.”

Jared looked at me with a soft expression and then reluctantly turned his attention back to Vincent. “Not yet.”

Vincent smiled at me, and I felt the blood rise to the surface of my cheeks. “Ah, well, then. Another time.”

“You are the owner?” Jared asked.

Vincent chuckled, patting his protruding belly. “I am. Thirty-six years, now.”

Jared raised my hand, resting it on the surface of the glass encasement. “Do you recognize this ring?”

Vincent leaned down to get a better look. “Yes. Yes,” he hummed, elongating the words. “It has been awhile, has it not?” he asked, looking to me.

“My father purchased this from you three years ago,” I reminded him.

Vincent lifted my hand and angled it several different ways, proudly watching it sparkle in the bright lights above.

“Your father was a man of vision,” he said, smiling in approval.

Jared slid the receipt in front of Vincent. “This paper includes an engraving fee.”

“Yes, yes. I remember,” he said, pinching his bottom lip with his thumb and forefinger. “I don’t ask questions, you know. I just make the customer happy.”

“But there is no engraving on the ring,” I said.

He bellowed out a cheerful laugh. “There is, kisa. But it’s hidden, you see.” Vincent opened his hand, prompting me to give him my ring.

I sighed and looked to Jared, who offered a comforting smile. He took my hand and slowly pulled the ring off of my finger. Once Jared placed it in his hand, Vincent turned the ring upside down.

“He had it marked into the pavilion of the stone. The underbelly,” he explained. “It’s very tiny. I had to send it away to a gentleman I know with a laser. I don’t have one of those here, of course.” He chuckled, shaking his head.

“The engraving order has been covered. Do you have the original receipt?” Jared asked.

“No, no. I would only have the total in my books. If I remember correctly, it was letters and numbers. Gibberish that only made sense to your father, I assume.”

It seemed to be too easy. I felt I was in the middle of a cloak-and-dagger movie, happening upon the perfect clues at the perfect time, watching it come together in front of my eyes.

Jared tucked my hair behind my ear with an apologetic expression. “Vincent?” His eyes were hesitant to leave mine. “Can you remove the stone from the setting?”

I jerked my ring from Vincent’s open hand. “No!”

Jared pulled me out of ear shot. “Nina, if you want to see what Jack had put on this ring—and what Graham wanted—we have to remove it from the setting to read it. He can reset it as if it were never touched.”

I pressed my lips together in frustration. We would have to see what was etched into the stone to make progress, and there was only one way to do it.

“There’s no other way?” I asked, knowing the answer.

Jared shook his head and opened his hand. I placed my ring in his palm and chewed on my lip.

“Can you do it?” he asked, setting the ring on the glass.

Vincent’s eyes moved from Jared to me, unsure of how to proceed. “I could remove the stone, but there is no guarantee we will be able to read what is there. You see what I say?”

Jared nodded. “Remove the stone.”

Vincent seemed suddenly disinclined. “It will be a few days before I can get to it. Write down your number, and I will call you when—”

“I realize you’re busy. Forgive me,” Jared said, pulling out his wallet. He set a small stack of hundred dollar bills on the glass, and Vincent’s eyes widened, jerking his head back up to Jared. “That is in addition to your fee, of course,” Jared added.

“You wait here. I’ll be just a moment.” Vincent gestured for us to sit on a short couch by the door and then hurried to the back.

We waited together on the couch. A strange calm came over me, and I sighed when Jared began lightly caressing the top of my hand.

My eyebrows pulled in and my smile faded. “Jared?”

“Yes?” he said, playing with the strands of hair that had escaped my ponytail.

“Vincent called me kisa. It doesn’t mean stupid or anything, does it?”

Jared burst into laughter. “No, sweetheart, I would never let anyone insult you that way.”

“What does it mean?”

Jared kissed my forehead. “It’s Russian for kitten.”

“Oh. That’s a relief.”

The minutes ticked by, and I became increasingly anxious. I began pacing, and Jared watched me walk the length of the floor. A door shut behind me, and I flipped around. Vincent cupped the remnants of my ring in his plump hand.

Jared stood up and joined me at the display case. “Did you find anything?” he asked.

Vincent flattened a piece of paper in front of us with letters and numbers scribbled across it. He handed Jared a loupe and held out his hand for Jared to take the stone from his palm. Jared looked through the loupe at the stone, but pulled it away from his eyes, shaking his head. “I can’t see anything with that,” he said, holding the peridot in front of him. Then Jared periodically looked down to the paper and back at the gem, placing it back into Vincent’s palm.

“You could see that without the loupe, eh?” Vincent chuckled. “These old eyes aren’t what they used to be.”

Jared took the paper and handed it to me. “What he has written is what is inscribed in the stone.” He looked to Vincent, then. “I’ll need that reset immediately, please.”

Vincent nodded and returned to the back, taking the pieces of the ring with him.

“Now what?” I asked, looking down at the paper.

825 2TR2TL223TR05

“Does it mean anything to you?” Jared asked, grimacing in thought.

“Eight twenty-five is my birthday—August twenty-fifth—but other than that? No.”

Within ten minutes, Vincent had returned. I sighed as I slid it back to its rightful place on my finger, looking exactly the same as it did before.

We returned to Jared’s loft for lunch. I sat on the counter, staring at the piece of paper, hoping the answer would pop into my mind.

“It’s going to catch fire if you keep staring at it like that,” Jared teased, pushing the stir fry around in the wok.

“He put it on something he knew would be safe, the last place anyone would look; he always knew where it would be.”

“He hid it in plain sight.” Jared nodded. “The question is how did Graham figure it out?”

I scanned the floor in deep thought. “I don’t know. Maybe an old associate of my father’s?”

Jared shook his head. “Jack engraved a code to something that everyone wants and put it on his only daughter’s finger. He wouldn’t risk telling anyone about it.”

I sighed in frustration. “The eight twenty-five is separate from the other numbers. Think that means something?”

Jared shrugged. “It could. It could just be meant to signify your birthday. It could be an area code or a flight number or some type of location?”

I thought about the safe in my mother’s office, the files it contained, and the photos. I couldn’t make a connection between anything we’d looked over and the number. Shoving myself off the counter, I slammed the paper on the table and walked to the couch, falling over the arm onto my back with a frustrated cry.

“Nina,” Jared said, his voice beside me. “We’ll figure this out. Try not to make yourself sick over it.”

“There’s nothing in the safe; I’ve already poured over my father’s office and searched all of his cabinets. There’s nothing!” I covered my face with my hands.

Jared kneeled beside me and pulled my hands away from my eyes. “We’ll go back tomorrow, look in Jack’s office, and take another look at the files in the safe. Why don’t we rent a movie, hang out on the couch, and spend some time together?”

“Ugh,” I said, sitting up. “Did I put Jack’s keys in his drawer? I don’t think I did. What did I do with them?” I asked, patting my pants’ pockets.

Jared grinned. “They’re in my jacket pocket. We can take them back tomorrow.”

I sat for a moment, my eyes unfocused, deep in thought.

Jared touched my shoulder. “Nina?”

I scrambled to the coat rack and shoved my hands in his jacket pockets. “They’re not here!”

Jared eyed me warily. “They’re in the inside pocket. What’s going on?”

“Eight twenty-five!” I yanked the ring of keys from his jacket and thumbed through them. When I found what I was looking for, I held it away from the rest, showing it to Jared. “See? Eight twenty-five!”

Jared looked at the key and then back at me, his eyes animated. “What does it open?”

“I don’t know,” I said, looking at the key, “but it can’t be a coincidence, right?”

“I doubt it,” Jared said, his face twisting into a frown.

“What?”

Jared took the keys from me. “I want you to let me take care of this. I’ve humored you. You’re upset about the way Jack died; I get it. The situation could go downhill quickly if we find what they’re looking for. I don’t want you anywhere near me when they figure out what we’ve done.”

“You’ve humored me?” I asked, insulted. “I’m not going to get in your way. I almost have this figured out. I—”

“Did you listen to a thing I’ve said?” he snapped. After a brief moment, Jared closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I know you need this to be over. You just don’t understand what we’re dealing with here. I can’t let my emotions get in the way of my job, Nina. I’ve already let this go too far. God knows the last thing I want is for you to be angry with me, but you’ve got to let me handle this.”

“But—”

“No, Nina. It’s too dangerous,” he said firmly.

My eyes narrowed. “I wasn’t asking permission.”

“This isn’t about me telling you what to do. This is about your safety.” He hugged me to him, and I reached for the keys, pulling them from his grip. I knew that if he hadn’t allowed me to do it, I would never have gotten the keys from his hand. I hoped that meant a part of him wanted my help.

“I’m going to take another look at Jack’s office.”

I turned to open the door, but I was frozen. Jared held me by my waist. Before I could protest, he exhaled a long, resigned sigh.

“Give me a minute. I’ll go with you,” he said, obviously annoyed.

I waited at the door until Jared finished packing our lunch, and then he grabbed my hand on the way out.

Halfway to my parents’ home he still hadn’t spoken.

“I’m sorry,” I said, placing my hand on his. “I don’t want you to be mad, but this is something I need to do.”

Jared sighed. “I don’t want you to get hurt. I’m beginning to regret telling you anything.”

Those words stung me. “I don’t want to get hurt, either. We won’t have to keep looking over our shoulders if we end this. We can just live our lives normally. Together.”

Jared squeezed my hand as he pulled into the drive.

On a rug in Cynthia’s office, I thumbed through papers, looking for anything with numbers. I highlighted anything with an eight, two, or five anywhere near each other.

Two and a half hours later, I had several piles of papers, and nothing that included the numbers we were looking for. I sat up straight to stretch my aching back.

“Let’s take a break,” Jared said. He pulled the highlighter from my fingers and handed me the plastic container with my lunch sealed inside.

I stretched my legs over Jared’s lap and chewed happily on his amazing stir fry, marveling at what an exceptional cook he was. Jared pulled off my boot and began rubbing my foot, and I leaned my head back.

“This is taking forever,” I groaned.

“We could call it a day. I could take you out to dinner,” he offered.

I frowned. “You’re not taking this very seriously.”

Jared let out one shocked puff of air. “On the contrary, I think I’m taking this more seriously than you are. You don’t seem to understand how dangerous this is for you.”

“What could happen to me? My boyfriend also happens to be my guardian angel,” I said, leaning over to kiss him.

“What in the hell is going on here?”

I looked over to the door where Cynthia stood, her hands on her hips.

“Hello, Mother,” I said. “I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow.”

“So is this search and seizure or burglary?” she said, crossing her arms.

“It’s good to see you, too,” I said, rolling my eyes in response. “We’re trying to find something with an eight twenty-five on it.”

“Eight twenty-five?” Cynthia asked, looking at Jared, who stopped chewing for a moment under her glare.

He swallowed the lump of food in his mouth before giving report. “I intercepted Dawson. They’re finished with the pleasantries, Mrs. Grey. They want the evidence Jack collected on them, and they think Nina knows where it is.”

“I wonder why that is, Jared? It couldn’t be because they’ve seen you two together.”

“It’s possible,” Jared replied, impervious.

“What does Charles Dawson have to do with the number?” Cynthia asked, closing in on the mess on the floor.

“He doesn’t,” Jared said dismissively, looking over the papers again. I was a little surprised by his impassive attitude at Cynthia’s presence when just over a week ago he balked at just the mention of being in the same room with her.

Cynthia seemed to accept his ambiguity, probably because she was used to being left in the dark by my father. “I trust you’ll take care of Mr. Dawson, Jared. That simply won’t do.”

“It’s already been taken care of, Mrs. Grey.”

Cynthia nodded in approval. I was shocked that she spoke so candidly of violence.

“Keep me updated,” she said, walking out the door.

“That was weird,” I said, shaking my head.

Jared looked up from the paper. “What, sweetheart?”

“She threatened to fire you a few days ago if you didn’t stay away from me. You quit speaking to me because of it. Just now you nearly ignored her.”

Jared shrugged. “My mother discussed it with her. She’s had a change of heart.”

“How so?” I asked, suspicious.

“Lillian’s very persuasive,” Jared smiled.

“Nina?” I turned to see my mother round the corner again.

“Yes?”

“We’re leaving for Nicaragua a week from Sunday. I need you to meet me here early so we can be at the airport by nine. Jared?”

“I’ll have everything ready,” Jared said, distracted by the paper in his hand.

My heart began to pound, causing Jared to look up. I realized that I was going to spend the entire week of Spring Break on a beach with him, and the thought made my cheeks flush red.

Jared smiled, guessing what made my heart flutter. “This might be your first vacation with me, but it’s not my first vacation with you.”

“It’s the first time you’ll sit with me on the plane,” I said a bit too eager, grinning from ear to ear. Jared chuckled at my enthusiasm.

Cynthia’s reaction differed. “He’s there to work, Nina. Please keep that in mind. Jared, make sure she is here on time.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, his soft eyes never leaving mine.

With that, Cynthia disappeared once again.

I couldn’t help but think about lying in a hammock with Jared. It already seemed like heaven.

“I am suddenly looking forward to vacation.” I grinned.

Jared leaned over to touch my cheek. “Lying with you on a Caribbean beach at sunset? I’ll have to remind myself that it’s real.”

“What will you have ready?” I asked.

Jared’s attention turned to the paper he was holding once more, and his eyes narrowed. He didn’t make eye contact when he spoke. “Uh, all of my surveillance supplies. We typically bring about fifteen hundred pounds of tech with us, but with Claire going to Tahoe, I’ll be carrying light. I’ll set up a perimeter around the premises . . . .”

“What is it?” I leaned over to see what he was so absorbed in and recognized it was a bank statement. I’d seen it several times before during my search, but set it aside in the scrap pile.

Jared pointed to a section of the statement, and I gasped. It was a monthly charge for a safety deposit box. Box eight twenty-five.

“Jared!” I cried, grabbing his arm.

Jared looked at his watch. “The bank is closed.”

I sighed, deflated. “We’ll go first thing Monday morning.”

“I’ll go. You have class.”

I grimaced. “I’m going, Jared. We’re doing this together.”

He sighed as we gathered the piles of papers and photos and replaced them. Jared lifted the plant as if it were an empty cardboard box and returned it to its proper place.

My cell phone buzzed in my coat pocket. The display lit up with Kim’s name scrolling across the screen, and I closed my eyes. “I bet she’s calling about the pub tonight. I forgot all about it.”

“Hey, Kim.”

“You’re not backing out, Nigh. Don’t even try,” she said.

“I wasn’t going to. I—”

“Sure you weren’t.”

“I’m sorry, Kim. I forgot,” I said, rubbing my forehead with my fingers, feeling a stress headache coming on. “I’ll be there.”

Jared walked with me to the Escalade and held the door open as I climbed inside. By his expression, I knew he was aware of the dull pain in my head.

“You’re not going to stand us up again, are you?” she scolded.

“No! No, I’ll meet you there around nine.”

“Good. See you then.” Kim said, disconnecting the line.

I put my cell phone back in my pocket and took Jared’s hand. “I’m sorry.” I groaned. “I think I unwittingly double booked myself.”

My head began to throb. It was difficult skipping back and forth between the two lives I was leading. I was the typical college student when I was with Kim, Ryan, and Beth, and when I was with Jared, my life turned into this fantastical dream world with angels and demons and secret safety deposit boxes.

We parked in front of the loft, and Jared sighed. Claire’s Lotus was sparkling beside the curb.

“It doesn’t look as if we’d have much time alone, anyway.”

Claire was lounging on the couch in stilettos boots and a leather jacket, flipping through channels on the flat screen. “Ryan’s taking a nap. That guy sleeps like a hibernating bear,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Every branch of the military wants me on a special ops team, and God sticks me with the most boring Taleh in the history of mankind.”

I smiled at her observation, and Jared led me upstairs by the hand.

“Is Ryan going to the pub tonight?” Jared called back to his sister.

“Yep,” Claire said. “I’ll see you there.”

“Are you keeping Claire company tonight?” I asked, collapsing onto his bed.

“I think I’ll hang back tonight and let you spend time with your friends,” he said, lying on the mattress beside me.

“You don’t want to come?”

Jared brushed his thumb across my sullen lip. “I always want to be where you are.”

I smiled. “Because you have to.”

“You know that’s not true,” he said, trying his best to seem annoyed.

I leaned over to kiss his cheek. “How do you expect me to have fun when you’re right outside and I’m hoping that any minute you’ll just break down and come in?”

Jared grinned. “How can I say no to that?”

“You’ll come, then?” I asked, raising my eyebrows expectantly.

“If that’s what you want.” Jared shrugged. He tried to seem casual, but beyond the cool blue of his eyes was an edge of hopefulness.

“It’s what I’ll always want,” I whispered, touching his cheek with my fingertips.

Jared’s expression beamed with adoration. “I knew that if I ever got my chance to be with you, all the waiting would be worth it. It’s as if we’ve cheated the curse, somehow. I’ve never understood how something could be considered a curse that requires me to spend every moment with you and that grants me the mercy of leaving a world that doesn’t have you in it.”

“There’s nothing for me to say after that.”

“It’s just the truth, sweetheart. You don’t have to try to outdo me,” Jared said, amused.

“I love you, and I will love you forever. That’s the truth.”

Jared’s expression turned intense, as if he were moved beyond words by my simple honesty. He pressed his lips to mine in the same slow, meaningful way he had only once before. It was the sweetest moment of my life.

It occurred to me that the stars had all but lined up for us: Gabe being assigned to my father, falling in love with Lillian, and then Jared coming along four years before I did, just in time to be assigned to me—the daughter of a criminal—a girl who would need constant supervision.

I traced the planes of Jared’s torso and pondered how perfectly everything had been laid out for us to be together, and then my mind drifted to Claire and Ryan. If I were going to believe in fate, I had to take into account who Jared said I was meant to be with. I closed my eyes, pushing the thought from my mind. Ryan would find someone else that he would be happy with, and Jared could keep me.

Jared’s voice pulled me out of my daydream. “You were determined today. I’m impressed.”

“Anything’s possible with an angel and a little ingenuity,” I said, settling in beside him.

Jared let me sleep for an hour, and then we left early to grab a bite to eat before meeting my friends. I descended the stairs in a black satin corset and jeans, with a pair of ruffle-toed pewter pumps. To my extreme pleasure, Jared stood frozen by the door, dropping his keys and then catching them before they hit the floor.

“Wow,” he whispered.

“Thank you,” I smiled, letting him help me with my coat.

By the end of dinner, I’d already had three glasses of wine. We arrived at the pub at nine sharp, and the various vehicles of my friends were already in the parking lot. I noticed Claire’s Lotus parked beside the curb down the street.

When Jared and I walked in, my friends cheered and whistled at our arrival.

Kim yelled over the music. “I brought a CD! We’re going to be dancing queens for the night!”

“Okay!” I yelled over the upbeat song blaring over the speakers.

Tucker brought over shots—all of them different colors—and the group howled. Everyone held up their shot glasses and Chad pushed one full of something green in my direction.

We all yelled in unison, “TO THE BIG BROWN BEAR!”

With that, we all tipped our heads back, killed our shots, and glasses slammed to the table at different intervals. Tucker yelled for Tozzi to bring another round, and everyone cheered.

Thirty minutes later, most of us were on the dance floor, jumping around like maniacs. My head felt a bit heavy, already feeling the effects of the wine and whiskey. Ryan and Jared watched us from the table, and I waved to both of them as I bounced up and down.

I returned to the table and sat on Jared’s lap. He pulled me toward him to talk in my ear.

“I love you, but there is no puking in the Escalade.”

I laughed and planted a kiss on his mouth. “I’m fine! I’m Irish, remember?”

Jared nodded and leaned into my ear again. “Even the Irish throw up, Nina.”

It seemed as if the night had just begun when Tozzi announced last call. I lost count of the drinks I’d had, and my eyes struggled to focus.

Jared supported most of my weight as he escorted me to his SUV. He lifted me effortlessly into the passenger seat, and I leaned my elbow against the console, resting my head against my fist.

By the time we arrived at the loft, my head felt too heavy to hold up. Jared pulled open my door, and I slipped in and out of awareness as he carried me up the stairs.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I said, stumbling to the bathroom.

Jared followed me. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I don’t want you passing out in there.”

“Why don’t you join me, and then you can make sure I don’t?” I said, steadying myself against the door jamb.

Jared raised an eyebrow, and I frowned at him before grabbing a towel and shutting the door behind me.

I fought with my clothes in slow motion. My eyes wouldn’t stay open, and I was incessantly giggling for no good reason, which made me giggle more. I turned on the shower and stepped under the water, letting it rush over me, plastering my hair onto my face. Every movement I made felt as if it were at a snail’s pace, but I managed to exit the shower before my palms pruned.

I ran a comb through my hair and clumsily brushed my teeth. I giggled again at my blundering of the most mundane of tasks, and I heard Jared chuckle outside the door in response.

“Everything all right in there?” he asked, knocking on the door.

I giggled again and spit loudly in the sink. “Everything’s fantastic!”

Jared laughed again, and I opened the door and stumbled to the bed.

“I’m going to hop in the shower. Don’t try to go downstairs or look over the railing or anything like that, okay? Just stay put until I get out.” I understood his words, but they seemed to blur together.

I fell onto the bed face down and moaned into the comforter at how perfectly wonderful it felt. “I’m not going anywhere,” I said, my eyes sealing shut.

Jared reappeared in less than five minutes. “Did you plan on sleeping in your towel?”

“Maybe,” I said, feeling melted to the bed.

Jared walked over to his closet and pulled a T-shirt off its hanger. “Okay,” he said, sitting me up, “raise your arms.”

I complied, and he slid the oversized T-shirt over my head. I buzzed my lips as the neckline went over my mouth, making Jared erupt in laughter.

“You are something else,” he said, covering my legs with the blanket. He stepped away for a moment and then returned, throwing a piece of light blue fabric onto my lap. It took me a moment to realize that it was a pair of my panties.

“I’ll let you take care of that.” He started down the stairs, and I spoke up.

“Jared?”

He turned around, immediately catching the panties I clumsily shot at him. I burst into a delighted cackle, knowing if he had been merely human I would have caught him square in the face.

Jared smiled with inexhaustible patience. “These are for you, not me,” he said, tossing them back. They landed perfectly in my lap.

I giggled again as he descended the stairs, feeling exhausted and wide awake at the same time. I could hear every step and movement Jared made downstairs, yet the fog in my head kept the sounds blurred together.

I was already settled on my side of the bed when Jared returned, and he wasted no time nestling himself next to me. Though the rest of my senses were lacking, my skin was aware of the heat created when his skin touched mine. Every part of me felt content and peaceful in his arms, as if I were meant to be there. I kissed his chest, but my lips didn’t want to stop there. I continued until I reached his neck, and Jared took a deep breath, wasting no time to hold my shoulders far enough away to look into my prurient eyes.

“Nina,” Jared warned, but I put my mouth on his to stop any further protesting.

I skipped over our usual cautious beginnings and let go of all my inhibitions. I leaned over him, lifting my knee at the same time to straddle his hips. Jared’s lips were not as urgent as mine, but I persisted.

I felt Jared’s torso rise against my lips as they left his chest to slowly kiss my way up the midline of his throat. When my lips reached his lips again, his mouth was less cautious. He turned, rolling over me, positioning me on my back. I smiled at my imminent victory.

Jared pulled away from me, his breath disparate from just moments before. “Nina, we can’t do this tonight.”

I let out a gush of air I’d been holding in anticipation of my triumph. “Why not?”

Jared kissed my nose and smiled. “Well—although I’m incredibly tempted by the slurring and stumbling—I’d like for you to remember our first time.”

I relaxed my legs, letting them fall to the bed. “Why do you have to be so freaking noble?” I complained, pounding the mattress with my arms for emphasis.

Jared chuckled and curled up beside me. “Yes, I’m so noble that I struggle with it every second I’m alone with you. Don’t give me too much credit.”

“I’m sorry.” I sighed, knowing I would feel guilty in a clearer state of mind.

“Don’t apologize. I can’t say I don’t enjoy it.” He chuckled. “Nina?” he said, whispering my name.

I could hear him, but I couldn’t respond. I realized just how fast I was sinking when my mind wanted to answer him but my mouth refused to form the words. He kissed my exposed shoulder and relaxed his head on the pillow behind me. As I was floating into unconsciousness, I felt his arm tighten around me again, blanketing me with the warmth of his skin. I thought I heard him whisper something else, but I was too deep inside the darkness to make out the words.

12. Eli

My chest hurt. My eyes hurt. My head felt like a railroad spike had been driven through it. I wanted to scream, but that would only make it more excruciating. The only part of the moment that offered a grain of comfort was that I was still in Jared’s bed. I felt colder than I usually felt when waking up in his apartment, and I knew at once he wasn’t with me.

“Jared?” I rasped, unable to speak louder than a whisper.

I felt the bed dip beside me, and I winced at the nausea the movement induced. The fissure I managed between my eyelids let in an infinitesimal amount of light, and I cowered from it, bringing my hands over my eyes.

“I’ll get the light,” Jared spoke in a hushed voice.

The assaulting brightness that seeped through my eyelids faded, and I tried again.

“Much better, thank you,” I whispered, pulling myself up on my elbows.

“I brought you breakfast.” Jared nodded to the bedside table. Two aspirin, a large glass of water, and a triangle of toast sat on a plate beside my picture.

I forced a smile and reached for the aspirin. Jared handed me the water, and I tossed the pills to the back of my tongue, gulping down the cool liquid. It felt uncomfortable against my parched throat, as if my body wanted to reject any further fluids that might cause more anguish.

“I feel awful,” I groaned.

“I know.”

“I don’t usually get a hangover. I must have been absurdly drunk,” I said, rubbing my face with the tips of my fingers.

“You were,” he said flatly.

I sank into the mattress. “I’m sorry you had to babysit me. As if you don’t have to do it, anyway. I’m so embarrassed.”

Jared attempted a smile. “Don’t apologize for having a good time with your friends. It’s just uncomfortable.” His eyes unfocused and his eyebrows pulled in.

“What’s uncomfortable?”

Jared rubbed the back of his neck. “This hazy, painful, tired, irritable heaviness you’re feeling.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t considered that Jared would be sensing the same symptoms. I sank deeper into the mattress, feeling selfish. “Do you have a headache?”

Jared laughed with a puff of air. “I don’t know. I’ve never had one before. I’m sure it’s a lesser version of what you’re feeling.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I thought it was faint, like a mosquito buzzing in your ear?”

Jared looked away from me, clearly troubled. “It’s getting stronger.”

“How?”

“I’m not sure. My father never mentioned our senses increasing more than what I’ve always experienced.”

“I’m sorry, Jared. I didn’t know or I wouldn’t have—”

“Hey, don’t worry about me. I just need to figure out what this is. It bothers me that I don’t feel one hundred percent.”

“Oh.”

“What?” Jared asked, as if I’d pulled him out of a deep thought.

“The no-drinking policy. You feel off balance this morning, and you like feeling in control all the time.”

“You say it as if it were a bad thing,” he said defensively.

“You don’t have to be perfect all the time, Jared. It’s okay to let your guard down.”

I leaned in to hug him, but he pulled away just enough to make me hesitate. When he realized what he’d done, he seemed to regret it, which made him even angrier.

“You sound like Claire,” he snapped.

“Claire and I agree on this one, then. You are half-human. It’s okay to make mistakes,” I said, my words more rigid than I’d meant them to be.

“Not for someone like me. Certainly not for someone who has the daughter of Jack Grey for a Taleh. It’s as if you have no sense of danger, Nina. After everything you’ve been through lately, I don’t understand it.”

He mentioned my father to get a reaction, so I kept my temper in check. I raised an eyebrow at his mini-tirade. “Did I strike a nerve?”

Jared’s unending patience from the night before had run out. “If I let my guard down, you die. Do you understand that?”

I took a drink of water and nodded. “We die.”

Jared took the glass from me and slammed it on the table. “Do you think I care about that? I would die for you a thousand times if I could. You’re the only thing that matters.”

I crossed my arms, incensed with his tender words mixed with their biting tone. “What is wrong with you? Why are you so upset?”

Jared leaned his elbows on his knees, looking to the floor. “I had company this morning.”

“I didn’t hear anyone come in,” I said, surprised.

“It’s because he doesn’t use doors. It was Samuel. He was a friend of my father’s. He’s concerned about the situation I’ve put you in.”

I held up a hand. “Back up. What do you mean he doesn’t use doors?”

“He’s an Arch.”

“An Archangel was here this morning?” I asked, mystified. “Do they look like Gabe? Do they look human?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“So if they look human, how do you know?”

“Archs have the same light hair, flawless skin, and the bright blue eyes, although Samuel and his family are the exception. They are nobility among the Archs, and are a contrast to the rest of them.”

“Contrast?” I had hoped I would learn to decipher Jared’s cryptic explanations, but I still failed consistently.

“He’s a Cimmerian, a line of dark angels. They are the strongest of Archs, they’re sovereigns, and they’re warriors. They are assigned to those who are marked by Hell—the humans who are born to be stalked and tormented. They go toe-to-toe with demons quite frequently.”

“Oh,” I said, thinking about what kind of creature had been just a few feet from me while I slept. Anything built to wrestle demons had to be a frightening sight to behold.

Jared continued, “In addition to that, I can smell them a mile away. It’s difficult for them to sneak up on us or each other.”

“Like fresh laundry, soap, and a thunderstorm?” I asked, the corners of my mouth turning up.

Jared frowned for a minute in thought, and then his mouth mimicked mine. “I hadn’t thought about it. To me it’s those things times ten. I would describe them as smelling like the cleanest air I’ve ever experienced.” After a short pause, he looked at me with curiosity. “What made you say that?”

I smiled, grabbing his hand. “That’s how you smell.”

“I do? Hmmm. Good to know,” he said, nodding his head in thought.

“So . . . Samuel?”

Jared nodded, his eyes darkening again. “He’s noticed an increase in activity in the area.”

“What kind of activity?”

Jared swallowed and shifted closer to me on the bed, holding my hand tighter. “The Others don’t understand my draw to you, even with me being half-human. It’s interesting to them, so their visits here have increased.”

“But I haven’t . . . They haven’t bothered me.”

“They don’t engage us unless they have to.”

I swallowed. “So you’re saying when you’re near they won’t hurt me?”

Jared’s eyes clouded over. “They don’t want to cross that line; trust me. They know better than to get too close to you when I’m near.”

“That’s why you had Claire sit with me the night you were with Mr. Dawson.”

He nodded. “I don’t want you to be afraid. It’s only an issue in my apartment; they’re drawn to the dwellings of Hybrids. Remember I told you that they’re attracted to those who are aware of them?” I nodded. “Claire, Bex, and I, and those like us, are very aware of them. Our lineage enables us to see them even when you can’t. I’ve noticed more of their kind coming and going. They’re curious about you.”

I held his hand tightly. “Should I be worried?”

Jared offered a comforting smile. “You let me do the worrying.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “What did Samuel tell you?”

“They’ve noticed . . .” Jared rubbed the back of his neck. “They’ve noticed that we’re spending more time together. Both sides. The Archs are unhappy about it. It’s unusual—and heavily frowned upon—to become involved with one’s Taleh. It’s considered more of a taboo than falling in love with a human. Even though I’m half-human, they find it irresponsible. Samuel is concerned that the Archs won’t be inclined to help if things get messy.”

“Why would we need their help? I thought you said they wouldn’t come near me when you’re around?”

“I’m not talking about a dozen or so Others, Nina. Samuel wouldn’t be concerned if it wasn’t serious.”

“How serious is it?”

Jared sighed. All of his energy seemed to have been sucked from him. “Hell is familiar with our fathers. Being their children, along with our unique circumstance, we’ve become people of interest, so to speak. The Others made a game of trying to catch my father off-guard. Because I have a stronger reason to protect you . . .” He choked off. He swallowed and then began again, “Samuel came to warn me.”

“Warn you,” I repeated. My head was swimming with confusion and the whiskey still saturating my system.

“Our relationship could unintentionally provoke Hell.” Jared rubbed his temples. He was having trouble focusing as well. “Samuel informed me that the curiosity they already have, coupled with Jack’s death . . . We could have bigger problems than just the increasing visits.”

I shook my head. “What does Jack have to do with it?”

“The men who killed your father knew how to bypass Gabe because of who they work for. Those cops and a few other enemies of your father are employed by a man named Shax. Except he’s not a . . . He’s not exactly a man.”

“He’s Other?”

Jared attempted a smile, but the tension on his face twisted it into something that resembled pain.

“Shax is a Duke of Hell. He is also a renowned thief and takes great pride in his spoils. Somehow Jack made an enemy of Shax, and I’m going to guess that he took something that Shax felt belonged to him. That’s not something you want to do to an aristocrat of Hell.”

I nodded, unable to speak in a calm voice.

“Samuel advised that we see less of each other.”

“What? No! You’re not . . . You’re not going to listen to him, are you?”

Jared took my face in his hands. “I promised I wouldn’t leave you again, didn’t I?”

I nodded. “You did. You promised,” I said, more to myself than to him.

Jared returned his elbows to his knees and lowered his face in his hands. “I’ve made a mess of everything, Nina,” he groaned. “You’re in more danger than you’ve ever been. I see now why Jack forbade me to see you.”

I positioned myself behind him, wrapping my arms around his middle and pressing my cheek against his back. “So we have to jump through some hoops to be together. Who doesn’t?”

Jared twisted, looking at me with an incredulous expression.

I sighed. “For us to be together, it’s a miracle, isn’t it? A Hybrid and his human in love when everyone from Heaven to Hell says we shouldn’t be? The starvation of a multitude turned into miraculous fish, the enslaving of a nation brought on the parting of the sea, blind men were able to see, lepers were healed, and a mother’s grief brought back the dead. It takes a nightmare to earn a miracle.”

He laughed once. “In this scenario, I’m the nightmare—you’re the miracle.”

“Jared?” I asked, pausing for a moment while I reconsidered broaching the subject again.

He sensed my trepidation and touched my cheek. “What, sweetheart?”

“What do you plan on doing with the information Samuel gave you?” I braced for his eyes to cloud over, but to my surprise, he smiled. His eyes even brightened a bit.

“We’re going to fight through the nightmare to earn the miracle, right?”

I smiled back. “Right.”

He kissed my cheek. “I’ll let you get dressed.”

“Are we going somewhere?”

“To see a friend,” Jared said, jogging downstairs.

I thought about that for a moment. “A human friend?”

“Negative,” I heard him say from the kitchen.

After my shower, I descended the stairs, still feeling a bit woozy. I felt even worse for Jared, who didn’t even enjoy the debauchery before feeling the consequences of it.

Jared kept the accelerator to the floor, making the buildings of Providence blur by. I fidgeted with the temperature until finally resorting to the air conditioner. The stream of air blew against my face, and I closed my eyes.

Jared touched my knee.

“It’s helping with the nausea,” I said, knowing he would be just as relieved to have a small fraction of my symptoms alleviated.

The Escalade slowed to a stop beside the fence of an abandoned warehouse. We were just outside of town, no more than ten miles from Jared’s loft. I immediately felt a bit skittish, but the fear disappeared with Jared’s warm touch. He took my hand and didn’t let go as we hiked along an aging gravel walkway and stopped at a gate harnessed with rusting chains. He pulled a key from his pocket and twisted it in the large vintage lock.

Jared pressed open the heavy gates and led me around to a side entrance, where he pressed a button on a small gray box. No one answered, but we were buzzed in.

Jared led me by the hand across the vast concrete. Pane after pane of glass lined the walls, shooting beams of sunshine to the floor through the decades of dust. He stopped in the center and smiled at me before calling out into the huge, empty space.

“Eli?”

We waited for almost half an hour. I wanted to ask Jared if he was sure his friend was there, but as long as he was being patient, I would play along.

“Oh, c’mon. She knows,” Jared said suddenly, rolling his eyes.

I watched him, the corners of my mouth turning up. It was amusing to see him talking to himself.

“Eli, we need to talk. You know she’s important.” He looked at me and then impatiently peered up to the extensive ceiling. “You’re being ridiculous!” he shouted into the air.

I stifled a giggle.

Jared turned to me. “What?”

“Nothing,” I said, forcing the corners of my mouth straight.

“Great. Now she thinks I’m nuts,” Jared called out to the massive room.

A tiny giggle escaped my throat, and Jared angled his neck to face me, attempting an insulted expression. He failed miserably when a wide grin stretched across his face.

“Admit it. It was funny,” a voice came from behind us.

I flipped around, instinctively hiding behind Jared.

A platinum-haired man stood in front of us with an amused smile. He was taller than Jared, though not by more than a few inches. I was surprised at the way he was dressed. I was expecting the crisp, white, buttoned-down dress shirt, but I hadn’t anticipated it un-tucked and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, or the holes in his jeans, or the light brown leather sandals. I was certainly not expecting the faux hawk.

He surpassed attractive, and his physique was as incredible as Jared’s, noticeable even under his clothes. Even though he was fair, warmth emanated from his skin, almost a muted, dewy glow. His ice blue eyes appraised me and then looked to Jared, who pulled me to his side.

“Eli,” Jared said, nodding.

“Yeah, there will be none of that nodding crap, Jared,” Eli said, pulling us both in for a hug. “How have you been? I assume the moping has ceased since you’ve found a way to finally introduce yourself?”

Jared nervously laughed, looking at me from the corner of his eye. “I’ve been fine, and you?”

“Heavenly,” Eli said, with a wide, dramatic gesturing of his arms.

Jared rolled his eyes. “Quit it.”

“Hello, Nina. I’ve heard”—his eyes widened for a moment—“oodles about you. It’s nice to finally meet you formally.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too.”

I extended my hand, and Eli took it, appearing pleased with my bravery. His hand felt normal, a little on the cool side, not at all like Jared’s feverish temperature.

“We don’t have to run a fever to keep up with what we can do,” Eli smiled.

“Oh,” I said, nodding.

I looked to Jared, who watched me with an expression as amused as Eli’s.

“You were expecting a toga and a harp?” Eli asked, winking at me.

“Leave her alone, Eli,” Jared warned.

“I’m just having a little fun, Jay. You know I don’t get to do this often,” the angel said, letting go of my hand.

Jared turned to me. “Eli isn’t an Arch. He is the Angel of the Divine Plan. He watches over spiritual evolution, and when called upon by humans, he assists Him in helping humans to find the correct path.”

“Him? As in your boss is . . .?”

Eli seemed bored with Jared’s explanation. “I am a traffic cop for the Archs and a glorified guidance counselor, Nina. Don’t let the title intimidate you.”

I tried to stifle a laugh, but the best I could do was to cover my mouth when I giggled. I had expected somewhat of a formal meeting, and Eli had gone from an ominous being to a pleasant surprise.

“I’ve started experiencing some changes in my senses, Eli. Do you know what that’s about?” Jared asked, impatient with the pleasantries.

“I do. Have you become physical with your Taleh?” Eli asked matter-of-factly.

“In what respect? If you’re meaning sex, then no,” Jared said, impervious to such a forward way of asking a delicate question.

I began to feel a bit dizzy by the sudden turn of conversation. I wasn’t sure how many times I could be taken off guard in my condition. Jared pulled me to his side, supporting some of my weight.

Eli eyed us speculatively. “In any respect, Jared. When you revealed yourself to her, the connection became stronger. As you spend time with her, it becomes stronger. Every time you touch her, it grows stronger. As your feelings for her deepen, so does the link between you. If you’re with her in an intimate way, the connection becomes a solid, permanent bond. There will be a noticeable difference in how you’ll sense her presence, her pain, and her emotions when a physical commitment is made. You should keep that in mind. It could hinder your duties as her protector.”

Jared nodded, taking Eli at his word.

“You mean he’ll be more susceptible to sickness and pain?” I asked.

“It’s certainly a possibility. Of course, those things would always be in connection with you, Nina, but only in theory. We don’t have much experience with this type of thing. The two of you are only our seventh case since the dawn of humans’ time on earth. You would be the first half-breed/human case.”

“Hybrid,” I corrected.

Both Jared and Eli looked at me with a strange expression.

Eli smiled, clearly amused. “Hybrid, then. You’re right. That wasn’t very polite, was it?” he said, winking at Jared, who looked away, trying not to smile.

Jared cleared his throat, getting back to business. “I’m told we could have some legions to worry about.”

Eli looked up for a moment and then back to Jared. “So far it’s just the humans.”

“Is there something I can do to get them to back off of her?” Jared said with a noticeable change in his tone. There was a distinct edge of desperation to it.

“I’m afraid the damage has already been done, Jared. You were warned,” Eli said without judgment.

Jared glanced at me and then let go of my hand, walking away with his hands on his hips. He kept his back to us, looking down at his feet and then up to the ceiling.

Eli nodded at me with a patient smile. I forced the corners of my mouth to turn up.

Only Jared’s profile was visible. His jaws worked just beneath the skin. After several moments, he began speaking in a language I didn’t understand. It was more beautiful than French or Hebrew; it was the most beautiful language I’d ever heard. The words came out of Jared’s mouth like a symphony.

Eli answered him in the same language, and then I understood. They were speaking the language of Heaven. After Eli’s lengthy response, Jared turned around with tears in his eyes.

“Can I do this alone?” Jared asked.

“None of us can do anything alone, Jared. That is why we exist in families.” Eli’s expression was calm, the opposite of Jared’s. I felt an overwhelming urge to go to Jared and hold him in my arms until the tortured look left his eyes.

Jared seemed to understand what I did not. He pulled me to him, kissing the top of my hair. I wrapped my arms around him.

“It’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out,” I assured him.

He smiled, but his face crumpled around it. “I’ve put you in serious danger, Nina. Your father was right, I should have stayed away. I’m so sorry.”

I shook my head. “I’m not,” I said softly.

Eli sighed with satisfaction. “She’s a keeper, Jared. She has faith. Maybe it will rub off on you.”

Jared’s eyes softened. “Maybe.”

In the same moment, we were alone. We made our way back to the SUV, and then Jared opened my door, lifting me to the seat.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to move back to Andrews right now,” he said with an apologetic expression.

I touched his cheek, worried about his reaction. “Jared, I can’t keep staying with you. What will people think?”

He laughed once, but he was perturbed at my question. “I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks. I’m more concerned with keeping you alive.”

I smiled patiently and kissed his cheek. “I’m staying with you on the weekends, remember?”

“It’s not enough, Nina. I need you with me at all times.”

I raised my eyebrows in protest. “Well, you can’t have me. I have class and friends. I have a life outside of this craziness. Jack didn’t move in with you, and he had more enemies than I do.”

“If my mother had been Gabe’s Taleh, he would have moved her in. If Gabe had created a fun new game for a legion of demons to play, he would have moved her in,” Jared said, rubbing his forehead with his fingers.

“Do you have a headache?” I asked.

Anger exploded across Jared’s face, and he walked away from me, paused a few feet away, and then walked back, still furious.

“Nina! For God’s sake, your life is in danger! And it’s my fault! Quit worrying about me!”

I sat there, stunned. Jared walked away, picked up a baseball-sized rock, and hurled it at the warehouse. I lost the rock with my human eyes before it crashed through a window.

“Impressive,” I said.

Jared flipped around and seemed to contemplate yelling some more before wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his head in my lap. “Will you please take this seriously? Before I’m consumed with guilt?”

“Do you want me to be afraid?” I asked. Jared looked up at me with a pained look on his face. “Do you want me to be angry with you? Do you want me to scream at you and hate you for coming into my life?” I shook my head and cupped his cheeks with my hands. “I can’t do that. I know, one way or another, everything will work out. It will.”

My optimism didn’t help Jared’s agony. His face fell, and he let his head fall to my lap again, pulling me to him, grasping at my back. I hugged him and touched my cheek to his hair. I didn’t know what else to do for him, but I refused to let my emotions betray me.

When the sun began to set, Jared’s head hadn’t moved.

“Jared, it’s getting dark. We should go,” I said, running my fingers through his hair.

After a few minutes, he stood up and ambled to the other side of the SUV, in no hurry to get back to town.

“I’m taking you to Brown,” Jared said, pulling away from Eli’s warehouse. “We’ll get the rest of your things. I’ll get you a dresser, make you some closet space . . . .”

“Jared, no.”

His eyes darted to mine. “Nina, I’m sorry, but this isn’t up for negotiation. I have to fix this, and then you can go back to Andrews.”

I kept my voice calm. “I’m not going to hide, Jared.”

Despite my quiet tone, Jared became increasingly angry. “I realize you haven’t a clue about what we’re dealing with here, but I’m telling you this now: You’re packing, and you’re coming home with me. I don’t know for how long.”

I shook my head slowly.

His jaws tensed. “Nina, don’t be stubborn. Please, trust me.”

“I do trust you. That’s why I’m not going to hide,” I said again.

He jerked the Escalade onto the shoulder of the road and shoved the gear in park. “I’m not asking, Nina. I am telling you. It’s that serious.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he sighed, hitting his steering wheel with the heel of his hand.

“Don’t do this to me! It’s bad enough knowing I’ve put you in this situation without you refusing to let me keep you safe!”

“Jack didn’t want you to tell me the truth because he didn’t want this. He didn’t want me to live in fear or in hiding. If you lock me up, you’re giving them what they want.”

His knuckles were white as they gripped the steering wheel. “What makes you think you know what they want?” His voice was low and deliberate.

“Because Jack wanted the opposite,” I whispered.

Jared stared at me, considering my words. “Jack wanted you safe. These things don’t show mercy, Nina. They don’t care that you’re an innocent teenage girl.”

I swallowed. “Eli said we were only dealing with humans for now. Let’s concentrate on that.”

Jared thought for a moment and relaxed a bit. “Okay. We’ll do this your way. While we’re still dealing with humans, you can stay at Andrews. The second Shax calls out even a fraction of one of his legions you’re coming with me. I don’t want to hear a single word about it.”

I nodded. “Fair enough.” I pulled my arms around myself, bracing myself. My curiosity outweighed my need to remain oblivious. “What are Legions?”

Jared grimaced, obviously wishing I hadn’t asked. “Shax has thirty legions under his command. Don’t ask me how many demons that is. You don’t want to know.”

I nodded again, swallowing the bile rising in my throat.

“Nina?” Jared asked, feeling my forehead.

“I don’t feel well,” I said, reaching for the door handle.

I ran to the grass, hearing both car doors shut simultaneously. When my feet touched the soil, Jared was beside me, pulling my hair away from my face. It didn’t take long for the dry heaving to commence; I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast.

After my stomach relaxed and the gagging ceased, Jared lifted me into his arms and returned me to my seat.

“I’m taking you to the loft,” he warned, putting the gear in drive.

I was too exhausted and sick to argue.

Jared carried me up the two flights of stairs and gently placed me on my side of the bed. I let my body melt into the mattress while I listened to the water run in the bathroom. Moments later a cool, folded wash cloth was laid across my forehead.

“Déjà vu,” I said.

“I wasn’t considering your condition when I dragged you out to see Eli, and I should have gotten you something to eat. I’m sorry.”

“Quit apologizing. You didn’t force me to drink too much last night. How are you feeling? Like me?”

“I’m not sick, just uncomfortable. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll quit apologizing if you quit worrying about me,” he said, brushing my hair back from my face. I smiled but didn’t make any promises. Jared kissed my cheek. “I’m going downstairs to get you some crackers and soda to settle your stomach. Try to rest.”

“I’m really fine. You don’t have to fuss,” I said, pushing myself up against the pillows.

“I’m just trying to make you comfortable.” He had a strange expression on his face, almost sullen.

“Your bed is a thousand times more comfy than my bed at Andrews and even my bed at home. Neither of them smells like you.”

Jared fidgeted before speaking. “So why is it that you’re so against staying here? Is it me?”

My eyebrows pulled in, hurt that he would ever come to that conclusion. “No! I’m not against staying here. I love staying here. I just need to go back to Andrews.”

Jared raised an eyebrow. “Why is that? I thought staying alive would be a good enough reason for you to want to stay here with me. You didn’t mind when I needed to dress your hand every night.”

“It’s not about that. It’s about being forced into hiding, it’s about my friends, and it’s about keeping some degree of normalcy in my life. I know you want me here where you know that I’m safe,” I explained, resting my hand on his leg.

“Not just to keep you safe. I just want you here,” he said, tenderly tracing my jaw line with his fingertip.

I smiled at his words, my jaw radiating with the heat from his touch. “We have plenty of time for that, right?”

Jared’s eyes immediately clouded over, and I finally understood the urgency. He wanted to spend every second of the time we had left together. I looked away from him; I had to have faith that we would make it through this. My eyes felt heavy, and I turned onto my side, pressing my cheek into my pillow.

“I have faith in you, Jared, more than you have in yourself. I’m not afraid,” I said, closing my eyes.

~*~

The door slammed and I jerked, looking around the room. It was morning.

“Can you close the door like a normal person?” Jared snapped.

“This is a terrible idea, Jared, maybe the worst one you’ve had, yet,” Claire complained. Small footsteps stomped up the stairs. “You have to talk him out of this, Nina. He won’t listen to me, not in the mood he’s in.”

“Stay out of it, Claire,” Jared said from downstairs.

Claire made a face and then jumped from the railing, landing on her feet. “I can’t stay out of it because you keep making it my business!” she hissed.

I quickly dressed and met them downstairs. Jared was dressed in a buttoned-down shirt and slacks, holding a motorcycle helmet. He shoved it toward me without a word.

“What’s this?” I asked, staring at the helmet.

“I think better on my bike,” Jared said.

I looked up at him. “What’s going on?”

His expression didn’t change. “Are you coming or not?”

I looked at Claire and then to Jared. I pressed my lips together and then took the helmet from him. Claire sighed and stormed out.

I followed Jared outside and eyed the slick, black beauty parked on the curb. “What is that?”

Jared sighed. “It’s a Vulcan.”

“Weird. I thought it was a motorcycle.” I smiled, but Jared didn’t find humor in my words. I put up my hand and separated my fingers into a V. “Live long and—no?” I shook my head, seeing that Jared was in no mood for jokes.

I shoved the helmet on and fastened the chin strap. My father had had a motorcycle, and although I’d never been brave enough to drive one, I was well-versed in being a passenger. Jared revved the engine, and I climbed on behind him, glad that it was another fair weather day.

He raced down the street, taking various turns. It wasn’t until we pulled onto the sidewalk in front of Sovereign Bank that I understood the reason behind Jared’s mood. He lifted me off the seat as if I weighed nothing, placing me on my feet.

“Is there a reason you’re not speaking to me?” I asked, shoving his helmet at him.

“It’s not you I’m angry with. It’s Jack,” he growled.

“Why?”

“Because he’s making it impossible for me to keep you distanced from this. They need both of our signatures. The box is in a special area. We need the key, our signatures, and our fingerprints to get in,” he said, glaring at the door of the bank.

“They don’t have my fingerprints.”

“I’ve never given them mine, either, but they have them on file,” Jared said, distant and cold.

“You tried to come here without me? Is that why Claire was at the loft?” I crossed my arms. “Let me guess; it just burns you that you needed my help after all?”

Jared’s eyes jerked to mine. “Is that what you think?” I stood with my arms still tightly intertwined across my ribs. Jared shook his head at me and held out his arm. “After you.”

We walked into the bank, and a man in a stuffy and notably hideous light gray suit approached us.

“Mr. Stephens, this is Nina Grey,” Jared said.

The man held out his lanky hand and I took it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Grey. Right this way.” He ushered us across the lobby to an elevator. Once inside, he used a small key to gain access to a lower floor that wasn’t on the button display.

The elevator opened into a cavernous room with an enormous bronze vault. Mr. Stephens briskly walked ahead of us, taking his place behind a tall desk with a computer. As we approached, he was tapping the keyboard.

“Miss Grey, I’ll need to see two forms of identification, please,” Mr. Stephens said, looking up from the monitor.

I shot an irritated look at Jared, realizing I’d left my purse at the loft. Jared reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out my wallet. I snatched it from his hand and then put my driver’s license and student ID on the small space in front of the computer monitor. Mr. Stephens’ eyes darted twice between my face and each of the cards and then nodded. I put the cards back into my wallet as he repeated the process with Jared.

“Miss Grey, there is a red pad in front of you. I’ll need you to press and hold your thumb there until you see a flash, and then I’ll need you to do the same, Mr. Ryel,” he said, watching us both follow his directions. “Now sign here and approve the date with the green button when you’re finished.”

I hastily signed and clicked the button with the pen, handing it to Jared, who signed his name below mine.

“You have the key?”

“We do,” Jared said in a low voice.

“Right this way,” Mr. Stephens said, the vault automatically opening.

The room was filled with various sized boxes, all plated in the same bronze color as the door. Our steps echoed against the marble floor.

Mr. Stephens turned to us, pointing to a shiny golden square on the wall with a small black button in the center. “Press this button to let me know you’re finished. It was a pleasure doing business with you, Miss Grey, Mr. Ryel.” He nodded, leaving us alone. The vault door sealed shut behind him, and Jared’s eyes drifted to mine.

“Okay, he was creepy,” I whispered, half-expecting Jared to offer comfort.

Without a word, he walked ahead, pulling the key from his pocket. I scanned the boxes on the wall and noticed that the numbers were out of order.

“This is going to take forever!” I complained. Jared still didn’t respond, so I rolled my eyes and looked for box eight twenty-five.

Ten minutes later, Jared called to me. “Nina?”

I rushed toward his voice and found him in the back corner, looking at a bronze square the size of a shoebox. “Well, we should have looked back here first. This is just like Jack, isn’t it?”

Jared still didn’t speak; he simply shoved the key in the lock and opened it, exposing a tan safe with a large black combination lock and handle on the front. He placed the safe on the floor at my feet as if it were a shoe box. I was sure it must have been at least fifty pounds, if not more, but Jared didn’t brace himself against the weight. The muscles of his arms didn’t even strain.

“The code is a combination,” I said.

Jared nodded, pulling out the wrinkled piece of paper from his inside jacket pocket. He read the code aloud and then looked up at me.

“Does that make sense to you?” he asked, holding out the paper for me to take.

825 2R2TL223TR05

“The eight twenty-five is the box number, and the rest is the key to the combination. But, combinations are just three numbers, one or two digits, right?” I didn’t look up, and Jared didn’t speak, so I wasn’t sure if he agreed with me or not. “So we need to figure out which of these numbers are the numbers of the combination. And the others are what? Red herrings?” I shook my head. “No. Jack didn’t play games; these are all important.”

I concentrated on the dial of the combination lock, looking at the numbers and thinking about turning the dial to each number in the different ways they appeared in the code. I burst into laughter and looked at Jared with excitement.

“I’ve got it!” I smiled.

Jared masked an emotion, which in turn curbed my enthusiasm. It seemed we were back to square one of our relationship.

“You’ve got what?” he asked, his voice flat.

“The letters, the R T L letters, they mean right turn and left turn. Turn it twice to the right, stopping on two. Turn left twice, stopping on twenty-two. Three turns right, stopping on five.”

Jared shrugged. “Try it.”

My first inclination was to wad up the paper, throw it at him, and tell him to try it. My temper cooled as reason crept into my mind. I wanted to see what was in the safe, and he would catch the paper, anyway, even if I did manage to aim well enough to hit him.

I kneeled down and twisted the combination. I followed the directions, but when I stopped on the last number, it didn’t catch the way combination locks should.

My anger at Jared coupled with my frustration with the lock made my eyes water. When I tried to inconspicuously wipe my cheek with my shoulder, he sighed.

“Are you crying?” Jared asked.

I sniffed. “No. Leave me alone.”

“Try it again,” he said, indifferent.

I cleared the dial and paid close attention to each turn and stop, but when I reached the five, I passed by it once more. I had only passed it twice instead of three times. The lock caught and I gasped.

“It worked,” I whispered, staring in shock at the safe.

Jared pulled me off the floor and kneeled down to open the safe. He slumped over and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Damn it, Jack. What have you done?”

13. Guilty

“What is it?” I asked, leaning over his shoulder.

He turned to face me holding a brown, leather-bound book. It surpassed antique in appearance; well-worn on the edges, with a strange branded seal on the front cover.

“It’s the Naissance de Demoniac. The Bible of Hell,” he said in a whisper.

“Why is the Bible of Hell in Jack’s safe?” I said, stunned.

“Each of the patricians of the hierarchy of Hell has one. This one belongs to Shax,” he said, eyeing the black brand in the center. “I don’t want to know how Jack got his hands on it, but the fact that both of our names are on the account here tells me that he knew I would go against his wishes, and once I did, we would need this.”

“Need it for what?”

“To barter for the only thing Jack would be willing to hand this over for: your life.” His expression was tortured, as if the guilt were crushing him.

“Jared,” I said, reaching out to him.

He pulled away and emotion disappeared from his face.

His rejection fueled my irritation. “Are we going to leave it here or take it with us?” I asked.

“It’s staying here. I don’t want this anywhere near you. Let’s hope Shax is the one demon in Hell that won’t hold a grudge.”

I reached my hand out to the book. “What’s in it?”

Jared jerked it away and kneeled down to thrust it back into the safe. He slammed the door shut, locked it, and pushed the safe into the safety deposit box with a loud bang. He threw the paper bearing the code in with it and locked the door, shoving the key into his pocket.

Grabbing my arm, he rushed down the aisle toward the door. A short, low buzzer sounded when Jared pressed the button, and he fidgeted until Mr. Stephens answered.

“We’re ready,” Jared growled.

When the vault opened, I was pulled forward again. His long strides had me trotting alongside him to keep up. The elevator doors slid open, revealing Mr. Stephens’ lanky frame. Jared stood rigid as the elevator climbed, and when the doors opened again he burst out, keeping a firm grip on my arm.

At his motorcycle, Jared wasted no time handing me his helmet. I fumbled with the chin strap, and with one movement he snapped his firmly across my neck and swung his leg over the seat, simultaneously pulling me on the seat behind him with one arm.

He wrapped my arms tightly against his chest. “Hang on,” he demanded.

We raced down the road, weaving through traffic, blowing through red lights and stops signs until we reached his building.

My feet barely touched the steps, and once we were inside the loft, he released me. Without a word, he climbed the stairs and disappeared beyond the railing. I stood at the bottom of the steps and listened as his footsteps stopped in the center of his bedroom. I waited, listening for a clue what he was up to, and then he walked into the bathroom. Seconds later, I heard the shower turn on, so I waited.

Ten minutes passed. I sat on the couch, staring at the dark television screen. Nothing about Jared’s behavior made sense, and I assumed he would explain it in his own time, as he always did.

After half an hour, I began to doubt my own reasoning. I climbed the stairs and made my way to the bathroom door, pressing my ear against the wood. The shower was still running, so I tried to be patient, but after the fourth time of glancing at the clock, I couldn’t let him avoid me anymore.

I lifted my fist to knock on the door but held back, turning the knob instead. The steam billowed out around me and dissipated, revealing Jared slumped on the floor. His knees were up, his back against the tile wall, and his head was down; he looked hopeless.

I sat on my knees in front of him. “Jared?”

He looked up at me, his eyes a midnight blue. “The night I sat on that bench, Nina, I signed your death warrant.”

“What are you talking about?” The sight of him frightened me. “Please tell me what’s going on!”

“We had more company last night,” Jared said, with the same tortured look from before.

“Who was it this time?” I asked.

“Gabriel,” he choked out.

“You’re not talking about your father, are you? You mean The Gabriel?”

“Yes, The Gabriel.” Jared said, rolling his eyes at his own words. “He’s one of the most vocal advocates for eliminating fallen Archs before they have a chance to procreate. My existence insults him,” he said, an indignant look flitting across his face. “Gabriel’s a messenger. He also serves as the angel of death.”

I swallowed. “What did he say to you?”

Jared leaned his head back against the wall. “He said that he’ll see me soon.”

My mouth opened as I gasped. “What did you say to that?”

“That he always says that,” he said with a contrived smile.

I thought for a moment. “Eli doesn’t mind Hybrids. Maybe he can talk to Gabriel?”

Jared breathed out through his nose, trying to be patient with my suggestion. “Nina, no one but the Almighty tells Gabriel anything.”

My shoulders sunk. “So now we’re fighting demons and angels? How did we sink into this mess?”

“I shouldn’t have sat on that bench.”

I touched his face. “Your sitting on that bench was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Jared recoiled from my touch. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You have no idea what I’ve caused. Shax won’t stop until he has the book, and even then there’s a good chance he’ll retaliate. Hell wants us dead and Heaven won’t help us, Nina. I don’t know what to do.”

“This isn’t your fault. If Jack hadn’t taken the book, none of this would have happened.”

Jared laughed once. “Including us.”

I frowned. “Didn’t we agree we had to get through the nightmare to get our miracle?”

Jared smiled infinitesimally. “Yeah.” He parted his knees and pulled me to him, hugging me to his chest.

“What are we going to do about what we saw today?” I whispered into his neck.

“Right now we’re just dealing with humans. We have to make sure it stays that way.” Jared shifted and stood up, bringing me along with him. He brought me to the middle of his room and took in a deep cleansing breath, pressing his forehead against mine.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so . . .” He shook his head, clearly in full self-loathing mode.

I inched up on the balls of my feet and touched my lips to his. He cautiously kissed me back and then sighed again.

“You’re under a lot of pressure right now,” I said, running my fingers through the sides of his hair.

“The last person I should be taking that out on is you. The way I treated you this morning is unforgivable.” He frowned.

“It was unforgivable,” I said. “But I forgive you.”

“We know what they want; we’re just not sure how far they’ll go to get it. Claire and I can handle the humans. The hardest part will be waiting for their next move.”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around him. “Can we start this day over?”

Jared kissed the top of my head. “Why don’t we start with getting you to class? You have a test today, don’t you?”

I shook my head. “I have a paper to turn in at ten thirty.”

Jared released me, disappearing to the bathroom. He emerged in a light gray T-shirt and black soccer shorts with his ratty running shoes. He looked dramatically different from the more professional attire he wore to the bank.

I stood by the door and waited while he pulled a hooded sweatshirt over his head.

“Get your stuff together, and I’ll take you to school. I need to finish setting up for next week, so I’ll meet you later, okay? Claire will be close,” he said, almost in passing.

“Jared?” My fists gripped the fabric of his shirt, holding him tightly to me just as he began to walk away. He looked down at me and tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Yes?” he smiled, the softness finally returning to his eyes.

“Can we just pretend it’s a normal vacation and forget about everything here?”

“Absolutely,” he said, hugging me to him.

At Brown, Jared seemed to be back to his old self, which helped the unease surrounding me. Bibles from Hell, demons with criminals-for-hire, antagonistic angels—trying to make sense of it all only created more questions.

I snapped out of my daze when I saw Jared’s expression. “See you at one thirty?” I asked.

Ryan passed us as he walked into the classroom, nodding to Jared. I noticed Jared watch him for a long moment, and then he looked into my eyes.

“Nina,” he said, biting his lip. “I’m sorry about earlier. It won’t happen again.”

“You’ve already said that,” I said, pulling up one corner of my mouth.

Guilt displayed across Jared’s face. “I know. I just don’t think that I was clear.”

“You were clear. Consider it forgotten.”

His face seemed to relax then, and he kissed me again. “I’ll have your things back in your room. I’ll meet you there when you get back.”

I nodded and watched him walk down the hall. Before he turned the corner, he looked back at me and smiled. I waved and extended the handle of my bag, continuing to my seat.

“I came by your room about nine last night. You weren’t there,” Ryan said in a hushed voice, tapping his pen on my desk.

“I was sick last night. I stayed with Jared.”

Ryan’s face turned concerned. “You could have stayed here. I could have kept an eye on you.”

I smiled, knowing he was sincere. I appreciated his attempt to repair our friendship. The bitterness from before was absent from his face, and sitting beside him felt right again.

“I’m fine, now. It was just a bad hangover. I didn’t feel well all day.”

“Yeah, I didn’t feel the greatest, either,” he said, shaking his head.

“Yet you offered to take care of me? That would have been a sad sight, both of us lying around, puking our guts out.” I laughed, shaking my head.

Ryan chuckled, taking my paper when the professor instructed the class to pass them to the end of the row. During lecture, a small square of paper landed on my desk. I smiled and pulled open the folds.

It was in Ryan’s chicken scratch.

Will you go to lunch w/me? (circle one)

1. I’ll lose my appetite if I have to sit across from you.

2. I already have lunch plans w/my husband.

3. Of course, I need to practice my slogans.

I wanted to roll my eyes at his childish note, but when I saw the expectant grin on his face, I couldn’t say no. I circled ‘C’, folded it, and tossed it back. Ryan always came up with the silliest things, and I adored that about him. Unbeknownst to him, he was a safe harbor from my other life, the one that had become full of shadows and uncertainty.

I watched him unfold the paper and read my answer. He didn’t look up at me; he folded back the small torn page and stuffed it in his pocket, a wide grin across his face.

After class, Ryan and I walked to The Gate. He was his usual amusing self, and I laughed every step of the way. A few times I noticed he would hug me to him or nudge me, and a few times he led me by the small of my back through the doors he held open. I had the distinct feeling we were on a date, even though that wasn’t the case. The only thing that bothered me was that Ryan’s touch didn’t bother me. The electricity I felt with Jared wasn’t there, but it felt expected, almost comfortable.

I didn’t realize when Ryan asked me to lunch that the entire study group was coming, but I smiled at the friends who filtered in and surrounded us. Over the next hour, we sat hunched over our paper plates of pizza, which we balanced on our laps, the boys trying their best to keep their towering stacks of slices from falling to the floor. Ryan and Kim were inexplicably engaged in a contest to see who could take the bigger bite. Our ordinary moment was a welcome break, and I smiled at the laughter saturating the air around me, absorbing the sweet chaos I hadn’t realized I’d missed.

Ryan walked out with me and smiled. “You’re staying here, tonight, huh?”

“I am.” I grinned.

He prolonged our walk with a leisurely pace. “Are you going to study group tonight?”

“Are you?”

He shrugged. “I need to. I was going to ask for your help.”

“You need more help than I can give you, but I’ll do my best.”

Ryan kept his hands in his pockets, angling his face towards the sunshine. He looked truly happy, and I felt a warm tingle in my chest. I was hopeful that we could remain in each other’s lives after all.

“It’s a beautiful day. I could grab a blanket, and we could hang out on the greens,” he said, purposefully bumping into me.

Jared waiting for me came to the forefront of my mind, but I didn’t want to spoil Ryan’s buoyant mood. We walked a few more steps as I decided how I should explain to him why I wouldn’t. I had experienced normal, the normal I had been desperate for, and yet I found myself giddy at the thought of seeing Jared again.

“It’s okay if you can’t. I’ll see you tonight,” Ryan said, squinting as he looked to the sky again. I was thankful that his radiant grin hadn’t faded.

I smiled in response, and he pulled me into his side, kissing my forehead.

“Later, Nigh,” he said before turning toward his dorm.

I pulled in a big cleansing breath of air. I felt renewed and rejuvenated. Even with the frightening things that lurked in the shadows, something had made it all disappear. I quickened my pace, eager to see Jared again. He was the only one who could make my afternoon better.

The door was cracked when I arrived, and I pushed it open to find Jared looking out of the opened slits of the window blind. A smile immediately streaked across my face.

“Did you have a good time?” he asked, not turning around.

I walked up behind him, wrapped my arms tightly around his middle and squeezed. He folded his arms over mine.

“As if you have to ask. You should have joined us,” I said, closing my eyes and taking in his wonderful scent. When he didn’t respond, I released my grip on him and walked around to see the perfection of his features. His eyes were bright and cloudless like the sky outside, but they seemed sad.

“I didn’t want to interrupt.”

I smoothed the barely noticeable wrinkle between his eyebrows. “It would have been better had you shown up.”

He looked away for a moment. “You don’t need me with you every second, Nina. You seem happier sometimes when I’m not.”

“You think because you sensed that I was happy this afternoon it was because you weren’t there? Don’t be ridiculous,” I scolded.

“I think it’s good for you to spend time with your friends. I loved watching you laugh with them. You haven’t laughed like that in a long time,” he said as a small smile materialized on his face. It looked unnatural against the worried set of his eyes.

I hopped on one foot to pull off one boot and then repeated the process with the other. My feet felt as if I’d been trudging through a swamp from the uncharacteristically warm weather outside.

“Jared, what is it? Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” He shifted. “Can we not talk about this?”

“I want to know,” I said, keeping myself in his line of sight.

Jared sighed and cringed at the words he was about to speak. “I’m glad you’re happy you and Ryan are friends again. Believe me when I say that as long as it makes you happy I want that for you. But I’m in love with you, Nina. I can’t help but be a little worried knowing what I know.”

“I don’t feel that way about him, Jared. You have to sense that,” I said, touching his arm.

“I know.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes tightly. “I don’t think it will ever become easier to watch him make you laugh, though.” He relaxed his face and tried another reassuring smile, but it fell short.

I raised one eyebrow. “Jared Ryel, are you jealous?”

Jared raked his hair with his fingers and let them slide to his neck, rubbing it nervously. “You asked, Nina. I told you the truth.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You’re jealous.”

He shook his head no. “I’m”—he pressed his lips together and shook his head yes with a few quick jerks—“a little jealous, yeah.”

“Oh.”

Jared positioned himself in front of me and cupped my shoulders. “I don’t want to lose you, especially after the morning we had compared to your afternoon with him. It wouldn’t take much more of that for you to question why you chose me.”

My feelings had betrayed me. Jared’s connection to me had become stronger, and he could feel my relief to be around Ryan. He sensed the contentment I’d experienced at lunch. My stomach reeled with guilt for indulging in such emotions. Nothing could compensate for the love and safety I felt with Jared.

My eyes fell to the floor when I realized how it must have hurt him. I was bathing in my temporary liberation from the madness that had exploded around me, and he must have thought I was glad to be free of him.

He could sense my feelings, but he didn’t know the motivation behind them.

I continued to look down, picking at my nails as an excuse. “It was nice to have a little normalcy today, Jared. I do enjoy spending time with Ryan—with all of my friends.” I looked to his face to gauge his reaction. “But do you honestly think I would trade being with you for one silly afternoon?”

Jared didn’t speak for a long while. I watched as several emotions scrolled over his face; he seemed to appreciate what I was trying to say, but I could see the turmoil in his eyes.

Jared shook his head and tensed his arms around me. “When I’m with you, Nina, you’re the only thing that gives me peace. It seems as if I’m the opposite for you.”

“It doesn’t always seem as though you’re all that happy and peaceful with me,” I pointed out.

Jared’s face crumpled. “I don’t want you to think that. I said this morning that I should have never sat on that bench. I didn’t mean it. That was the beginning of the best moments of my life.”

I pressed my cheek against his chest and relaxed into the heat that blazed through his T-shirt.

“Everything around us is crazy,” I said. “Being with you is the only thing that makes sense. You were so worried about the way I felt when I was with Ryan that you obviously missed the way I felt when I realized I was going to see you soon.”

That caught his attention. “When was that?”

“On my way here.”

“So that was about me? It wasn’t because you were with him?” Jared’s eyebrows pushed up and then pressed together, looking somewhat disconcerted and touched at the same time. Realization hit him, and the tension melted from his eyes. A few seconds later, a wide grin flashed across his face.

“That makes me happy,” I said, matching his smile.

I leaned up on the balls of my feet and kissed him. He tightened his grip around me, and my feet slowly came off the floor. My lips were slow and deliberate. I wrapped my arms around his neck, happy that it was my turn to demonstrate my feelings with a kiss.

After a moment, he returned me to the floor. I pressed my forehead against his chest and sighed at the silly misunderstanding. Jared was obviously more worried about my fate with Ryan than I thought.

I looked up at him. “If I’m happy when you’re not around, it’s because I’m thinking of you.”

“I thought you said you couldn’t say things the way I can?” he beamed.

“It’s just the truth,” I said in earnest. I was beyond pleased that he compared his always elegant articulation with my stunted, debilitated speech.

Jared kissed me again, this time scooping me into his arms and lowering me onto my bed. His lips traveled over to my ear, and then slowly made their way down my neck.

I slipped my hands under his shirt and ran my fingers up his back, marveling at the incredible muscles of his torso and his baby-soft skin. Jared pulled his shirt over his head with one hand and tossed it onto the floor. As he did so, his muscles stretched and flexed under his skin, and the butterflies in my stomach erupted into a frenzy.

“Is it hot in here?” I teased.

“Getting pretty toasty,” he smiled, leaning down to kiss me again.

I pulled away from his mouth, sucking in a deep breath of air. His kisses were not the cautious kind. The electricity from his lips pulsated all the way to my toes. His mouth moved the way it did in his kitchen the night Claire made an unexpected a visit.

“It’s definitely hot in here.” With that, I reached down and pulled my sweater over my head. Jared pressed his torso against me, and I moaned as the feverish temperature of his skin burned against mine. I took another deep breath between Jared’s amazing kisses and pressed my fingers into his chest, pushing him away. Jared leaned back, surprised.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, his breathing quick and shallow.

My breathing matched his. “You’ve told me the truth. We love each other, and I’m sure it’s been established that we’re spending the rest of our lives together.”

“Yeah?”

“Please, don’t stop,” I begged, staring at his lips.

Jared’s eyes radiated a sky blue as he pressed his mouth against mine. His fingers traced my collar bone, catching the strap of my bra and slowly sliding it off my shoulder. Every inch of me felt tingly, and the nerves under my skin screamed in anticipation. I pulled him against me as his lips touched the cusp of my bare shoulder. His mouth parted against my skin, and his tongue tasted my flesh, giving rise to goose bumps when the air cooled the heat left behind. I wrapped my legs around him, and my thighs automatically tensed with an overwhelming sensation.

Jared pulled in a ragged deep breath and firmly worked his mouth against mine. It had less caution than before: eager, a prelude to what we both knew was coming.

He leaned his cheek against mine to whisper in my ear. “Are you sure?”

I wrapped my arms around him, my body aching with a desire I had never felt before in my life. I was more than ready. “Don’t stop,” I whispered, the need for him becoming almost painful.

I felt his hand slowly and deliberately glide down my side, over my bare ribs, past my hips to settle on the button of my jeans. Effortlessly he pulled it open, and the butterflies that had been in my stomach escaped to more southern regions. He steadied himself with one hand on the mattress as he slid his fingers down my hip, in between my skin and the denim. I let a sigh escape my lips, waiting for him to remove any clothing impudent enough to come between us.

“Well, we can just get it at the—” Beth said, pulling her key out of the door as she walked through with Chad. “OH!” she squealed as Jared pulled his shirt over me.

I cowered behind Jared’s body, covering my face with one hand. “Hey, Beth,” I said, still trying to catch my breath and peeking at her through my fingers.

“Hey! What’s up? I mean . . . How are you guys? I’m . . . We’re . . .” Beth looked at Chad, mortified.

“We were just leaving,” Chad said, pulling Beth’s arm with one hand and shutting the door with the other.

Jared playfully collapsed on top of me and groaned with frustration.

I kept my hand over my eyes, too embarrassed and frustrated to speak.

Jared eased onto his side and pulled my hand from my face. “You’re blushing.”

“I know.”

Jared kissed my hand. “I’m starting to think there is a reason for all the interruptions.”

I grimaced. “What is that supposed to mean?”

He chuckled. “Here,” he said, holding my sweater.

I pulled the thin lime green fabric from his hand and sat up.

“The only thing the constant interruptions mean is that one of us needs to change the locks,” I grumbled, jerking my sweater over my head and buttoning my jeans. I smiled as an errant thought crossed my mind. “We have an entire week in Nicaragua.”

“With Cynthia,” Jared pointed out. “I’m there to work, you forget.”

I felt the crease between my eyebrows deepen. “You promised it was going to be a real vacation.”

Jared took my hand and held it between his, sitting higher on his elbow. “It will be for you and Cynthia.”

I rolled my eyes and reached for my phone, sitting up to scroll through the numbers. I sent Beth a text message, giving her the all clear and to let her know I would be at study group later.

Jared slipped his shirt over his head and then pulled me onto his lap. My phone buzzed, and I smiled at Beth’s apology-ridden reply. I tried to send her back my unconditional forgiveness, but my attention was drawn to the nibbling at my neck.

“I thought you said it was a good thing we were interrupted,” I smiled, tilting my head against his tickling breath.

Jared’s head jerked up to face me. “I never said that. I said I was beginning to think there was a reason for it.”

“By that you mean . . .?” I prompted.

“I was thinking about what Eli said. Surpassing a certain point of intimacy could hinder my ability to protect you.”

“He also said they weren’t sure because we’re different.”

“I’m not sure we should chance it.” He frowned.

“What are you saying? That we can never . . .?”

He pressed his forehead to my cheek. “I’m saying that it might not be a good idea to test Eli’s theory while we’re in the middle of a war.”

“War,” I grumbled.

“Nina.”

I stood up and walked to the other side of the room, crossing my arms. “No, I get it. Abstinence it is, then. I don’t want you upset that I’m not taking things seriously again.”

“Nina,” he said, patiently, “I’m not happy about it either, but I have to put your safety first.”

“You sound like a Planned Parenthood commercial,” I snapped.

Jared burst into laughter. “That’s not the safety I was referring to.”

“I know,” I said, narrowing my eyes at his infuriating amusement.

“I’ve never seen a woman so beautiful when angry, especially when you’re angry about this. It’s endearing.”

“I’m glad this is so entertaining for you,” I said with thick sarcasm.

Jared shook his head, trying not to smile. He held out his arms. “Come here.”

I stood there a moment, arms crossed, eyeing him suspiciously. The plan that he would change his mind from my protesting had backfired. He was resolved.

I didn’t want to give in, but his arms looked so inviting I couldn’t help myself. Before I knew what I was doing, I curled up in his lap.

“You’re making me crazy, you know. I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn,” I grumbled.

Jared’s shoulders shrugged around me. “I’m being cautious. Beth and Chad walked in on us.”

I looked up at him with a dubious expression. “Since when do you care what other people think?”

“I didn’t hear them. They caught me off guard,” he said in a low voice.

I felt one corner of my mouth turn up. “Obviously.”

“That’s never happened before. I should have been able to hear them exit the elevator. I should have heard her pull out her keys. I heard nothing until they walked through the door. If that had been one of Shax’s men, you would have been dead.”

My grin faded quickly, and I struggled to push away any worry. “What does that mean?”

“That means Eli was right. When I’m with you like that, I can’t focus. I’m not only fighting my feelings, Nina. When we’re alone and things get intense, I struggle with your desires as well. Can you imagine what you were feeling doubled? It’s impossible to think about anything else.”

“Doubled? I don’t think that’s possible.” As soon as the words stumbled from my mouth, I felt my face flush with crimson. “I just meant that I wouldn’t complain about it.”

“I’m not complaining,” he said, kissing my forehead. “I’m saying we’re going to have to wait until I can afford to be distracted. If anything happened to you . . . I’ve already put you in danger from my selfishness, Nina. I have to keep my priorities straight.”

I grudgingly nodded. By keeping me safe, he was safe. I couldn’t argue with that.

Jared stood up, taking me with him. “Let’s get out of here. Get some fresh air,” he said.

I smiled. “We’d better.”

Jared chuckled and held the door open for me. He had the quilt his father had bought me when I received my acceptance letter from Brown. It had the school colors in different scraps of fabric that somehow formed the Brown University crest.

“What is that for?” I asked, stopping in the doorway.

Jared shrugged, the blanket folded tightly under his arm. “I thought we could hang out in the sunshine for a few hours.”

I fingered the blanket with sentiment. “I haven’t used that blanket yet. I’ve been sort of saving it as a keepsake.”

Jared’s mouth turned up into a half smile. “Why?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Gabe bought it for me.”

“Is that what he told you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. Why?”

“I had my mother make it for you when you were accepted into Brown. It makes sense, I suppose. He couldn’t tell you it was from me.”

“This blanket was a gift from you?” I said, my eyes wide with disbelief. “Lillian made this?” I touched the blanket as if it were gold.

“Yes. So you don’t have to keep it preserved. We can use it for the first time together.” He smiled.

I knew the touched look on my face was pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. His first present to me had been sitting in my closet, and I had no idea. “Aw!”

Jared flinched. “Don’t say ‘aw.’”

I couldn’t change my ridiculous expression. “It’s sweet, though.”

“You say ‘aw’ when your boyfriend gives you junk,” he said, his face twisting into disgust.

The wheels of my mind thrust into high gear, and I scanned over everything Stacy had ever given me, trying to remember if I was ever insincerely appreciative. I came up with nothing.

“I’ve only had two boyfriends, and neither of them gave me junk.”

Jared’s face scrunched into a doubtful grimace. “You said ‘aw’ when Chuck Nagel gave you that crappy mixed tape.”

My mouth fell open. “It was sweet! Do you know what lengths he must have gone to? Where would you get a cassette tape these days? And he wasn’t my boyfriend,” I argued, shuddering at the thought. “And I can’t believe you remember that!”

Jared rolled his eyes. “I had to watch that simpleton pine for you for months. You may not have noticed him, but I did.”

I pressed my lips together in an amused smile. “I love the blanket. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He beamed, kissing me.

What I thought would be a peck turned into a longer kiss, and with his free arm, Jared pulled me to him, pressing his fingers into my back. I found myself hoping he would pull me back into the room.

He leaned back with a jerk, keeping his eyes closed. “We’d better go.”

“Lying on a blanket with me in public isn’t so tempting?”

“Right,” he said, nodding once.

We walked to the main green hand in hand, weaving through the sea of students. On the few warm days during the school year, the campus lawn went from being desolate to bustling with movement in every direction.

The clusters moved in a distinct way. A game of touch football was in full swing, guitars were being lazily strummed under the shade trees, and the more studious coeds were hunched over books. Blankets peppered the grass in vivid colors, creating a patchwork of chatter and laughter. It was a celebration without anything to celebrate, which made it more innocent, more enjoyable.

We settled on a spot by a tree near the center. With a flick of his wrists, the blanket under his arm unrolled and slowly fell to the ground, perfectly flat.

I shook my head in disbelief.

“What?” Jared asked, smiling cautiously. He sat on the edge of the blanket with his back against the trunk of a budding tulip tree.

“Nothing,” I said, standing in place while he clinched his jaw at my impertinence.

“You’re going to have to quit doing that. I’d gotten used to knowing how you were feeling without the narrative, but now that I can ask you, when you don’t tell me, it nearly drives me insane.”

I smiled at that. “Then we’re even.”

Jared rolled his eyes as I sat on the blanket. After a moment, he smiled and pulled me to his chest. I leaned back against him to rest my elbows on his thighs, letting the sunshine drape over me. I remembered what Jared had said about feeling happy with him, so I let the bliss I was feeling swell into unbridled ecstasy. I opened all of my senses, the warmth of the sunshine above me, the heat of Jared’s skin below me, his amazing scent floating around us, the laughter in the background, and the convivial atmosphere.

It didn’t take long for Jared to react. “This is amazing, isn’t it?”

I took the chance to make up for the rejection he’d felt earlier. “It’s a beautiful day, and I’m lying in the sunshine with the man I love. This is better than amazing. This is heaven.” I smiled, closing my eyes to the sun.

Jared took a deep, satisfied breath and intertwined his fingers with mine.

We remained that way for a long time, listening to the laughter and babbling voices, their words blurring—to me, at least—around us. Jared jostled me a bit when his arm darted out and jerked. He had caught a football inches from my face.

“Whoa! Nice catch! You wanna play?” A winded male voice said from the foot of our blanket.

I lifted my hand to block out the sun to see the person standing above me. I didn’t recognize him. He was tall and slender, had shoulder-length brown hair, and was wearing only a pair of long khaki cargo shorts and running shoes. His hand was outstretched for the football Jared had caught.

“He looks kind of busy to me, Zack.”

I recognized the voice right away; it was Ryan. His chest heaved as he struggled for breath, and his bare chest revealed the scar from where he’d been stabbed. I felt a twinge in the pit of my stomach.

“I can’t say I blame him,” Zack said, smiling down at me.

“Did you throw that at me?” I asked Ryan, knowing I wouldn’t be surprised either way. It was his idea to come to the main green with a blanket, and I turned him down only to come here with Jared.

“No! I can’t believe you’d think that!” Ryan scoffed.

“That was me; sorry about that,” Zack said to Jared, breathless, resting his hands on his hips. “Can we have our ball back?”

Jared showed no signs of surrendering the ball. “I think you owe her the apology, not me.”

Ryan rolled his eyes and looked at me and then to Jared. “It was an accident, Jared. Give him the ball.”

Jared waited.

“You’re right,” Zack said. “I’m sorry. I should have been more careful.”

“It’s okay,” I said, uncomfortable that Jared had forced him to apologize.

Zack eyed the football in Jared’s hand. “Did you want to play? We’re short one player.”

“He’s not going to play. He doesn’t want Nina to see him trip over his feet.” Ryan snorted.

Jared stood up, towering over me and both of the other boys. He looked past Zack to the other team. Tucker and Josh stood among them, waiting on the opposite side of their mini-field. Jared reared back his arm and launched the football across the green like a missile. It soared through the various tree branches, straight into Josh’s chest. Josh caught the ball, but it still made an audible thud that caused him to double over. He immediately stood up, although looking somewhat like a hunchback, trying to mask the fact that the wind had been knocked out of him.

Zack and Ryan had matching shocked expressions. I smiled at their surprise.

“I am busy. My feet have nothing to do with it,” Jared said, reaching for my hand to pull me up to stand beside him. He leaned over to kiss my forehead.

Ryan reacted with disgust.

My heart fluttered in my chest at the testosterone in the air, and Jared looked down at me. “Unless you don’t mind.”

A wide smile spread across my face. “Absolutely not. Go get ’em, tiger.”

He grabbed each side of my face and planted a quick kiss on my lips. His eyes narrowed as he looked across the grass to the other team. “I assume we’re skins.”

Zack nodded and Jared pulled off his shirt, handing it to me. I was supposed to be good, but it was hard seeing him so animated, not to mention half-naked.

Jared pressed his cheek against mine. “You’re going to have to tone that down or I’m going to get pummeled,” he whispered in my ear.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “As if it would hurt you.”

He jogged out with Ryan and Zack, and the other team met them in the center of the grass.

I watched them over the next hour. The skins team quickly realized that with Jared they had the clear advantage. Zack assigned Jared the quarterback position, and I laughed and cheered as his team ran in one touchdown after another. Before long, they had drawn quite the crowd. A small group of girls were soon drowning out my feeble cheering each time Jared made a play.

Jared’s face was exultant, and I wondered when the last time was that he was free to let loose. He’d always had to keep an eye on me from afar, and now that I was just yards away, he had more time for himself. I realized that it was like that at night as well, and guilt swept over me for making him spend the night in his car instead of beside me in his warm bed.

Jared fired the ball in a perfect spiral, and Ryan caught it flawlessly for the winning touchdown. The crowd cheered, and Josh’s team ambled around their side of the makeshift field, notably less enthusiastic.

Jared jogged over to me, glistening with sweat and grinning from ear to ear. He lifted me and then twirled me around, kissing me with boyish enthusiasm.

“You were amazing!” I squealed.

Jared lowered me to my feet. “Agh! I’m sorry, honey. I’m all sweaty.”

“I don’t care!” I said, flinging my arms around his middle.

“You ready to go?” he asked. When I nodded, he cleared the crowd from our blanket.

As Jared shook grass off the blanket and folded it, Ryan approached us. “Good game, Jared,” he said, sounding only half-sincere.

I heard Jared mumble a thank you as he tried not to watch us converse.

“You were great!” I said, waiting as others agreed with me. “It’s safe to say you’re fully recovered.” I held up my hand for a high-five and Ryan smacked it. His fingers intertwined in mine.

I instinctually pulled my hand back, tucking my hair behind my ear to avoid drawing any more attention to the situation.

Ryan smiled. “Thanks. I’ll see you in a couple of hours, okay? You want me to swing by?”

“I’ll meet you there. I have a few things to do first.” I said.

Ryan stared at me as if he were debating something, and then he leaned over to kiss my cheek, his lips soft against my skin. I gave him an awkward, polite smile, and then he walked away. The excited chatter around us died down dramatically, and I felt everyone’s eyes on me.

Jared glared at Ryan as he walked away. I met him in the middle of the dispersing crowd and took the blanket from his hands.

“Ready?” I asked, trying to sound unconcerned.

Jared’s eyes hadn’t left Ryan’s back; he looked as if he wanted to punch a hole through it. “Yeah,” he said through his teeth.

Jared took my hand and led me through the stragglers that still meandered around us. He stopped at the door of Andrews as he opened it for me. “Claire is close. I’m going to run home and get a shower. I’ll catch up with you later.”

I eyed him suspiciously. “You’re sure you’re going home?”

Jared smoothed his features and chuckled. “Yeah, why?”

“You’re not going to go find Ryan or anything, are you?”

His jaw tensed. “No. But if Claire wasn’t his . . . He gets under my skin.”

I leaned in to kiss him. “I’ll talk to him.”

Jared nodded and gave me an anxious look. “You’re staying at Andrews tonight?”

I fidgeted, trying to decide if my unwanted independence was more important than Jared spending the night in his vehicle to watch me.

Jared’s eyes were suddenly bright and hopeful. “Second thoughts?”

“No. I mean . . . I don’t know,” I said, unable to focus with the encouraged look on his face.

I couldn’t deny that I would rather stay with him, and he was more than willing for me to change my mind. When I slept at Andrews, Jared was stuck outside in his SUV, listening for trouble. I cringed at the thought. On the other hand, it was what he was used to, and by his own words, he didn’t mind.

Beth expected me home. When I stayed with Jared, she stayed with Chad, which is where everyone knew she would rather be.

When my mind drifted to Ryan, I winced. I had already told him that staying with Jared was temporary. The thought of his reaction to my new living arrangements made my stomach twist with a sick feeling. I wasn’t sure why I worried about Ryan’s opinion so much. Something about hurting him just didn’t feel right.

“Wow, you’re all over the place,” Jared said, visibly confused.

“Call me later?” I asked. It wasn’t exactly a subtle evasive tactic, but it would serve its purpose.

Jared was resigned. “Of course.”

“I’m looking forward to more games. I’m sure Josh will want a rematch.” I smiled and leaned toward him, staring at his lips.

Jared wrapped his arms around me, smiling at the thought. “It was fun. I’m not sure about more games, though. I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”

“When you play like a professional football player, Jared, you’re going to draw a crowd.”

Jared shrugged. “I couldn’t help myself. Every time I heard you cheering, I stepped it up a little more.”

I raised a dubious eyebrow. “You could hear me over your groupies?”

Jared smiled, pecking me on the lips. “Besides the fact that I could feel how proud you were,” he kissed me again, “I could hear your voice from the stands in a stadium at the Super Bowl.”

He kissed me again, but this time his lips parted and he caressed my tongue with his. I tasted the combination of sweet and salty on his mouth, and when he pulled back, I licked my lips before pressing them together.

“Please don’t do that,” he pleaded, staring at my lips.

“How do you expect us to live together if you can’t handle me licking my lips?” I teased, watching him scan my face with the same hunger in his eyes from before.

“I’ll find a way. I’ll sleep on the floor if I have to.”

“If you sleep on the floor, I’m sleeping on the floor with you. I want to wake up where you are.”

Jared smiled. “I wish that were true.”

My mouth fell open. “It is true! You think me staying here during the week means I don’t want to stay with you at all?”

Jared grimaced, shaking his head. “No, I don’t think that. I shouldn’t have said that. That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” I said, bracing myself for what he might say.

“It’s going to be hard getting used to the way things used to be; that’s all.”

“You meant more than that.”

Jared looked straight into my eyes. “Let me move your things, then. I’ll have you moved in by the time you finish up at the Rock.”

I looked down at my feet. “I don’t know, Jared. I need some more time to think.”

The answer should have been simple. I wanted to be there, he wanted me there, and we loved each other. But normal was here. I wasn’t ready to give that up yet.

Jared smiled halfheartedly. “That’s what I meant.”

I narrowed my eyes, irritated that he had proved his point in that way. “That’s not fair.”

He leaned his forehead against mine. “I’d better go. I’ll see you soon.”

“Sooner than I’ll see you.” I grimaced.

“You could change that if you weren’t so worried about what everyone else thinks,” he said, trying to keep the disappointment from his eyes.

“I told you that isn’t the case. Well, not entirely.”

“I know. I understand,” he said. He kissed my forehead again before he left me to walk to my room alone.

I felt wretched. We’d had a horrible morning, a heated afternoon, and then I’d ruined it with my stupid, selfish, stubborn theories on normal. There were other reasons, but I couldn’t pinpoint what they were. I just wasn’t ready.

I walked into my empty room and sighed. I had a few hours yet before study group. Both Jared and Ryan’s sweat were on me, a scent mixed between Ryan’s salty boy smell and Jared’s salty angel smell. It only confused me more, so I made a beeline for the showers.

Under the steaming water, I couldn’t help but think of Jared’s shower. The water pressure was better, the smell was certainly better, and I didn’t have to wear flip flops to walk around in it. I sighed again, knowing nothing would make me happier than to call Jared and give him the green light to move my things. I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his voice when I broke the news to him and how I would feel walking into the loft, knowing I was home.

As I walked down the hallway in my robe, I tried to come up with more pros than cons for staying at Andrews. I focused on what my father would want; at first, I reasoned that he would want me to stay, but then my thoughts drifted to the fact that Jack would want me to be where I was the safest. I was definitely safer in Jared’s arms. Loft. I meant the loft.

I closed the door behind me and pulled off my robe. There was a knock on the door, and I automatically tightened my towel around me, anticipating Jared’s smiling face at the other side of the door.

When I pulled on the knob, Ryan stood before me, clean and dressed. He gave me a once-over as I stood in front of him, shocked and still dripping.

“Well, hello,” Ryan said, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

I slammed the door in his face.

I pulled on a pair of jeans and slipped on a random pink T-shirt, before hearing a knock on the door again.

“Nina?” he said in a muffled voice.

“Just a minute!” I called, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. I opened the door once again. “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I see that. May I come in?”

“I needed to talk to you anyway,” I said, stepping to the side.

“Uh oh. Hubby’s jealous?” he smiled, strolling past me with his hands in his pockets.

I closed the door behind him and picked up a brush, raking it through my hair. “This isn’t about him; it’s about me. You can’t kiss me like that, especially with Jared right there. Did you honestly think that was okay?”

“No, I just wanted to do it.”

I threw my brush onto my desk and glared at him. “But you can’t just do it. It makes things more difficult.”

“For Jared?”

“For us.” I sighed. “It makes it more difficult for us to be friends.”

“I said I wasn’t going to fight with you about Jared anymore. I never said I wasn’t going to fight for you.”

“What?”

Ryan rolled his eyes and then smiled. “I love you.”

I heard the words, but I was still processing what he’d said before. I shook my head. “What?”

Ryan took a few steps closer to me and cinched his hands around my hips. “You heard me. I’m not stupid; I can see what’s going on with you and Jared. I also see the way you look at me. And don’t give me that crap about how you care about me because we’re friends, either. It’s something else and you know it.”

I felt my cheeks flush. “I know you’re delusional.”

Ryan shook his head. “No. I’ve waited. I’ve watched. Today I’m sure. For whatever reasons, you’re refusing to acknowledge it, but you know it’s there, same as I do. The only reason we’re not together right now is because you met Jared first. That’s not a good enough reason for me to walk away.”

My stomach felt sick. I hadn’t prepared for this conversation, and the fact that my boyfriend was listening didn’t help. Jared was waiting for me to deny it. As much as I wanted to scream at Ryan to get out, I also knew that I couldn’t eject him for the truth. That and I wanted to him to stay. I couldn’t tell him he was wrong when we both knew he was right.

Ryan took a step closer and grabbed the crests of my hips gently with each hand, grasping them a bit tighter as he inched closer. He closed his eyes, and I pressed my lips together, praying he wouldn’t try to kiss me. I wouldn’t kiss him back, but I couldn’t tell him no. Either way I would hurt him.

He leaned in for a moment, waiting patiently.

I breathed out from my nose, letting my chest cave in. Something kept me where I stood, so it was the most I could move. Tears glossed over my eyes, and I felt them burn, unable to close them or look away.

Ryan released my hips and took a few steps back, sitting on Beth’s bed. “Don’t worry, Nigh. I’m not going to make you choose. I’ll let you decide.”

I couldn’t look at him. I found a spot on the door and stared at it, a tear finally escaping down my cheek. In that moment, it seemed fate had made the choice for me.

“Would you say something already?” he begged.

I thought my eyes might bore a hole into the door when I heard three consecutive knocks. I wiped my face quickly, terrified of who might be on the other side.

Ryan stood up and put his hand on the knob.

14. Five Days

“What have you two been doing in here?” Kim teased, walking through the door. She looked at me and made a face. “Have you been crying?” She glared at Ryan then. “Are you being a jerk?”

“She’s okay. I think,” he said, staring at me with a blank expression.

“I’m fine,” I said. I turned to the sink and splashed water over my reddened face. I twisted around to face them, drying my cheeks with a towel.

“You didn’t,” she said, turning to Ryan.

Ryan nodded and shrugged. “I had to tell her sometime.”

Kim looked at me. “And?”

“Don’t,” I said, glowering at her. There would be hours of explaining, but it wouldn’t be to Kim.

Kim’s eyes widened with innocent surprise. “Don’t what?”

“I’m not having this conversation right now.”

“Nina,” Ryan began.

“Don’tNina me. You show up here, unannounced, and then say all this stuff that I’m not prepared for. Damn it, Ryan! You’re making this impossible!” I was so grateful for the anger that I didn’t stop to think if my words were making sense.

“I didn’t say anything you don’t already know,” he said, standing up.

I stomped over to the door and yanked it open. “I want both of you to leave.”

Kim tried not to laugh at my temper tantrum, and Ryan shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I’ll see you at study group,” he murmured.

I slammed the door behind them and stood in place, trying to slow my pulse. Adrenaline pumped through me as if I’d been in a physical altercation. I breathed in and out slowly and covered my face. That was it. Any chance we might have had to be friends was over.

My phone buzzed and I jumped. I hesitated before picking it up and then peered at the lighted display.

It was Jared.

With each ring, I willed myself to answer it but couldn’t. The only explanation was the truth, and the truth would devastate him. The phone buzzed again, and I pressed the button, knowing if I didn’t answer he would end up outside my door. I wiped my face and tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Hello?” I waited for a moment, and my heart pounded through the silence.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked, the pain evident in his voice.

I pressed my lips together and clinched my eyes shut, trying not to cry. “I’m ready.”

There was a pause, and then Jared’s strained voice came across the receiver. “You’re ready for what?”

“I’m ready to move my stuff. I’m not going to study group, so I can help you. We can have my things moved by ten, and we can go to bed and forget this ever happened. I won’t talk to him. I won’t go near him. I swear I won’t.” I tried to sound optimistic, but my voice broke over and over.

I heard a frustrated sigh. “Nina, you can’t do that. He’s your friend.”

“Yes, I can. I will,” I promised.

I waited for him to tell me that he didn’t want a weak, faithless coward like me living with him, but he kept silent.

“You don’t want me now, do you?” I asked, struggling to keep calm.

He sighed. “I want you. I’ll always want you. I want you here because you want to be, not because you want to prove something to me or to yourself. I don’t want you to come here because you don’t trust yourself there.”

I dropped the phone, covering my face with my hands. Why would he want me after what I had done? It was pathetic at best, and at worst, it was dangerously close to being unfaithful.

I sat on my bed and rested my head on the pillow, trying to cry quietly. I didn’t want Jared to hear and feel worse than he already did. Ten minutes later I heard a knock at the door. When I didn’t answer, it slowly opened. Jared stood at the door, looking as devastated as I felt.

“I love you,” he said.

I sat up and wiped my face, trying to look him in the eyes. He walked over to me and pulled me to my feet, wrapping his arms around me.

“I want you to come home with me,” he said against my hair.

I nodded. It was the only thing I was capable of.

We kept pace with one another in silence down the hall. Jared didn’t reach for my hand; he simply walked beside me, opening the various doors for me as we walked to the Escalade. When he pulled away from the curb, I struggled to keep the tears at bay.

Jared reached over and gently placed his hand on mine. “Don’t cry,” he whispered.

I shut my eyes, praying he wouldn’t offer further comfort.

He drove to the loft and parked. Neither of us moved after he switched off the ignition.

“I can have Claire grab some of your things if you decide to stay,” he said, looking ahead.

“Do you want me to stay?” I looked down at our hands, afraid of his answer.

Jared’s eyes darted over to me. “Do you even have to ask?”

“You shouldn’t want me. I’m a horrible person. You must be so angry.”

“I’m not angry. You feel bad enough for both of us.” He paused for a moment and then continued. “This isn’t your fault. It’s not even his fault. I did this. You’re supposed to be with him,” he said, his voice breaking at the end.

“Don’t I have a say in whom I want? Don’t I have a choice? I don’t feel that I do. Even you act as if I don’t. No matter what I do, I lose.”

“You don’t know that, Nina. I could just be in the way.”

I shook my head, refusing to even consider that.

Jared gently pulled my chin to face him. “He said he wouldn’t make you choose. But if you don’t have a choice, I’m the one who loses. So I’m going to make you choose, Nina. Choose me. Please, choose me.” He shook his head. “I can’t live without you.”

I held his face and kissed him tenderly, pulling back to look into his eyes. “I’ve already made my choice, Jared. I’ll make it a thousand times if I have to.”

Jared buried his face into my chest, and I held him to me, knowing he was as close to despair as I was. He had promised to fight fate for me, but I could see he was terrified that the fight wasn’t his at all—it was mine.

~*~

The next morning I felt marginally better. The fact that Jared’s arms were around me made the world seem right again.

“How did you sleep?” he whispered.

I turned over and pressed my cheek into his chest. “Like a rock. I don’t remember falling asleep. How about you?”

Jared shrugged. “All right, I guess. For me.”

“Did you get more than an hour?”

“No, not really.”

“You didn’t sleep at all, did you?” I grimaced.

“I had a lot to think about,” he justified.

When he noted my expression, he leaned down to kiss the top of my head and hugged me to him. “There are many things for me to think about right now.”

“Like what?”

“How about you get in the shower, and I’ll get us breakfast. Waffles sound good?

“Waffles sound great. Don’t change the subject.”

He chuckled. “I don’t want to start out the morning rehashing the chaos. Let’s just have a normal morning, okay? You have a test in a couple of hours, and I’m just about ready for Little Corn. Once we get those out of the way, we can talk the whole thing to death to your heart’s content.”

I ignored his dig. “Little Corn. Mmmmm. Hammocks, sun, beach, ocean—that sounds even better than waffles.”

I left the bed, pulling off his shirt on the way to the bathroom. I tossed the crumpled fabric into the hamper as I passed. Jared’s footsteps stopped abruptly, and I smiled as I heard him continue down the stairs with a loud flustered sigh.

The next days passed quickly. Before I knew it, the tests were over, the papers were turned in, and school had been dismissed for spring break. I spent Friday night with Jared, but even in his warm arms I was too excited to sleep. Saturday was spent packing, and I teased Jared with the dozens of bikinis I’d bought for the trip.

Sunday finally arrived. I could barely contain my enthusiasm when I stepped out onto the tarmac. Cynthia had chartered a jet for our trip, as my father had always done. I had never understood before, but seeing the crates being wheeled in and loaded, I knew that flying commercially wouldn’t be possible. I tried to remember earlier vacations, scanning my mind for similar memories of Jared or Gabe directing traffic and giving orders as I boarded the plane. There were none. My only memories were of the smiling faces of our flight attendants as I was led into the fuselage by the large hand of my father.

I followed Cynthia up the stairs and tried not to stare at Jared as he handed our luggage to a man wearing a blue jumpsuit. I wasn’t sure how many people worked in the background when we left the country, but it seemed to be a full-blown tactical operation. Even knowing the truth, the activity around the plane seemed like needless fuss.

Jared was all business. He seemed at ease giving orders and organizing the details of our flight, arrival, and return. The men loading the plane worked fervently on each of his specific instructions, seeming to be afraid to make a mistake. When Jared spoke to one or a few, they listened with nervous obedience. He exuded control and leadership, and my heart raced in my chest.

Jared turned around once to look at me, and I waved. His mouth turned up into a warm smile before turning away from me with the no-nonsense expression he used with the crew.

I counted one large crate and three smaller crates. The luggage had been loaded, including an entire set belonging to Cynthia. My mother had never been one to pack light.

I tried to suppress my excitement when Jared finished and began to board the plane. He trotted up the stairs in a crisp white button down shirt and jeans and walked down the aisle, breezing right past me.

My expression compressed into a disappointed frown. Jared was going to insist on just being my protector during this trip. My first inclination was to cross my arms and pout, but I restrained myself so I wouldn’t have to listen to Cynthia lecture me on Jared’s priorities.

Jared plopped down in the empty seat beside me and fastened his seat belt. He let out an exhausted sigh and leaned over to kiss me on the forehead.

“It’s a lot more work when I’m by myself. I should have brought Bex.” He chuckled.

I stared at him for a moment, concentrating on keeping my heart rate at a normal pace and my smile polite. I didn’t want him privy to the fact that I was giddy about him being as much my boyfriend on this trip as protector.

“I’m impressed.” I smiled.

“Is that what it was? I wondered why you were so keyed up. I thought you had developed a sudden phobia of flying.”

I felt the blood rush to my face when the realization came why he had turned around and grinned at me from the tarmac. He could sense what I felt as I watched him.

I feigned insult. “I’ve never been afraid to fly.”

Jared’s expression turned dubious. “Impressed with what, exactly?”

I shrugged. “Just watching you give orders and how they reacted to you. I haven’t seen that side of you. It was very appealing.”

“That’s what impresses you? Interesting,” Jared said, considering that for a moment.

“Oh, it’s more than that. You impress me all the time,” I said, scanning his face.

Jared leaned his head against the seat, staring into my eyes. He was clearly amused by the conversation. “Really? And here I thought I needed to work harder.” He smiled, leaning toward me.

I leaned in for a kiss, but he took each piece of my seat belt and fastened it snugly across my waist.

I smiled and sighed, gazing out the window at the various crew members on the runway. I could feel Jared’s warm breath on my neck; he was looking out the window over my shoulder. The exhilaration I always felt before a trip mixed with the elation of being virtually alone with Jared for five days made it almost impossible to sit still.

“Are you all right? Your heart is going to take off before the plane,” Jared whispered into my ear.

“I’m just happy,” I said, still looking out the window.

The pilot came over the intercom and spoke directly to my mother, telling her our position in line for takeoff, the expected flight time, and the current weather in Nicaragua.

The plane pulled forward, and we taxied to the runway. Jared grabbed my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine. He leaned his head against the seat and watched me with his light blue-gray irises, a content grin spanning across his face. I smiled and closed my eyes as the plane suddenly gained momentum. The fuselage shuddered and then transformed into a weightless, graceful vessel the second we left the ground.

Jared informed me that from the big island, there would be a water taxi that transports guests to Little Corn, but the small boat wouldn’t be possible with the crates of expensive surveillance equipment. He’d contracted a larger water craft to take us over and arranged for a car to take us to Casa Iguana, where we would be staying.

“Just a head’s up, you won’t see me for several hours when we first get there. I’ll be setting up a perimeter and situating the equipment. Cynthia’s reserved three cabins. She has the grand casita—”

“Of course.”

“And you and I have deluxe casitas. They’re not bad for little cabins nestled in the side of a cliff.”

“A cliff? Where’s the beach?”

Jared smiled his patient smile. “Close. Just a two minute walk. The cliff cabins are more private. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“My guardian angel is with me. What could I possibly be worried about?” I grinned, kissing the corner of his mouth.

He smiled at my words and continued. “It will take some time for me to get set up, so that should give you time to get unpacked and settled into your room.”

“Three cabins seem wasteful to me. Why don’t I get settled at your place while you set up?”

Jared shook his head, amused by my idea. “My place will be full of monitors and computer equipment, not exactly a romantic setting.”

“Aw,” I lilted, my voice sickeningly sweet. “You’re going to be romantic?”

He wrinkled his nose. “Don’t say ‘aw.’”

I giggled and leaned my head on his shoulder, settling in for the rest of the flight.

~*~

We arrived on Corn Island in the early afternoon, and I began peeling layers. Two men, one shorter than I and the other as tall as Jared and twice as wide, met us just yards from the plane. Several other locals stood behind them, ready to work and a bit intimidated. I looked at Jared and couldn’t fathom why they would regard him in such a way. I had seen him look far more menacing than he did now.

I quickly discerned that the two men standing in the front of the others were our drivers, and beyond them and the small workforce were their two waiting vehicles. A car that might have doubled as a taxi cab sat with open doors and a rusty white moving truck waited for the crates.

I waited for Jared to demonstrate his fluent Spanish, but to my surprise, he and the driver conversed in the only language I understood.

Once again Jared took charge, issuing orders and getting the crates and our things secured in the vehicles. I stood next to him this time, and I was more than pleased when he took my hand.

“We’re ready, Mr. Ryel,” the short man said with a thick Spanish accent and a discolored smile.

“The boat is waiting, correct?” Jared asked in a commanding, dispassionate tone he’d never used with me.

“Yes, yes. The boat crew will take you to the Little Island and has been given instructions. You will be quite satisfied, Mr. Ryel. You and the wife will have a happy time.”

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as the small man nodded to both of us with a grin so wide it made his eyes close. Jared squeezed my hand, pulled it up to his mouth, and pressed his lips to my fingers, keeping my hand against his chest. His eyes turned a bit softer as he thanked the man and handed him several American bills.

When we went on holiday during my formative years, I loved to pretend. I felt I could be whoever I wanted when we left Providence, and of course Jack encouraged my fantasies. Mostly I was a princess; a few times I posed as a famous ice skater, and once I was even an up and coming young actress. With my father keeping drivers and assistants, it was easy to appear as someone important. Letting the locals think I was Mrs. Jared Ryel was by far the best role I’d ever played on vacation. I righted my posture; I was flattered by what was being assumed and wanted to portray my part to perfection.

Forty-five minutes after we left the wharf, our boat pulled next to another dock, and the fresh hands of the boat crew went into action. Instead of pacing back and forth, they walked down the sand-covered pier to a trail, continuing around a corner past the thick, lazily bent trunks of native palm trees.

We followed the same path the crew had taken to another set of aging vehicles. Jared informed me these were two of just a handful of automobiles on the island. That fact became known when I noticed some of the inhabitants straddling their bicycles and staring at our caravan with minor curiosity.

The morning had disappeared, and evening quickly approached by the time I had settled into my room. At first glance, I was wary of what I would find inside, but once I climbed the steps of my whimsically painted bungalow, the inside was spacious and clean. Palm trees surrounded my temporary home, and I noticed Cynthia’s casita peeking out of the trees to one side of mine and Jared’s on the other.

I splashed my face with water and changed into the turquoise maxi dress I had bought a week before just for the trip. I tied the halter around my neck and chose a pair of sandals from my newly organized closet.

I plodded over the dirt trail to Cynthia’s cabin and found her already on her spacious veranda, reading one of the many books she’d packed. She wore a large-brimmed hat and square-shaped sunglasses, her legs stretched across an adjacent chair, properly crossed. Even in her remote casita, she remained a lady.

“Hello, dear,” she said, laying her book pages-down in her lap.

“Hi, Mom. How’s your cabin?” I asked, taking a seat beside her.

She leaned toward me and smiled. “It’s beautiful. And yours? What do you think about the island?”

“My room is great. I’m not sure about the island yet, but I’m sure it’s going to be interesting. No cars, no jet skis, no phones, no Wi-Fi, collected rain for water, not exactly what I imagined when you said you wanted to vacation in the Caribbean.”

“I’m sure you and Jared will find something entertaining to do. There’s snorkeling, fishing, and so on. Take care not to burn,” she said, returning to her book.

I took that as my cue to let her be. I strolled back to my cabin and decided to continue my walk, following a trail that led me to the beach in minutes. I gasped at the sight of it. The fishing boats on the horizon, the clear water, and the Technicolor clouds were beginning to glow blues and yellows from the descending sun; it all would have been the perfect shot for a postcard.

“Incredible, isn’t it?” Jared said from behind me, folding his arms around my waist.

I leaned my head against his chest and stared out onto the ocean. “I think it’s the company more than anything,” I said, relaxing into his arms.

He pressed his lips against the bare skin of my shoulder, and I smiled at the warmth left behind. “You are absolutely beautiful.”

I turned around and slipped my arms under his and tightened them around his middle. He was still in his crisp white shirt and jeans, but his sleeves were rolled up, and he had changed into a pair of casual sandals.

“Why didn’t you correct the driver when he called me your wife?”

He grinned. “I guess I just liked the sound of it so much I couldn’t tell him he was wrong. Did it offend you?”

I shook my head. “Not at all. I’ve always liked to pretend on vacation.”

Jared raised one eyebrow, amused. “Are you royalty this time or an award-winning actress?”

“Neither.” I laughed. “Apparently, this trip I’m Mrs. Jared Ryel.” The words rolled off my tongue as if I had spoken a beautiful foreign language. It felt strange to say the words together, yet it was familiar somehow.

Jared’s eyes brightened. “Well, pretend if you like. There’s only so much longer you can do that.”

I frowned. “Don’t remind me. Only five days left, and we haven’t even started yet.”

“I didn’t mean for the remainder of our trip, sweetheart. You can’t pretend to be Mrs. Jared Ryel when you are Mrs. Jared Ryel.”

“Oh,” I said, processing his last sentence.

He looked down at me with the softness in his eyes that he reserved only for our sweetest moments. I took in a deep breath and let a broad grin spread across my face. As talented as I had become over the years at false impersonation during vacations, I couldn’t pretend not to be overwhelmingly besotted by his sentiment.

“What do you say we walk down to the village?” Jared suggested. Sliding his hands down my arms, he took a few steps backward and pulled me along with him.

“I say ‘yes,’” I chirped, still high from the euphoria I had felt just moments before.

At a leisurely pace, Jared and I walked hand in hand down a dirt road—it wasn’t even a road, really, more like a double path that had been worn by bicycles, scooters, and the occasional vehicle.

We approached a fork in the path that bore a sign directing us to the nearby village.

It wasn’t long before the small huts and aluminum buildings of the village came into view. There were clusters of locals at each one conversing and watching us walk past. Some were smiling at us, and some were eyeing us indifferently before returning to their various conversations.

I didn’t see a single tourist shop, although there were craftsmen selling various items.

We entered a hut that appeared to be a combined blacksmith and jewelry stand. Jared watched me look over the rings, necklaces, and earrings—some with shells, some with gems, although roughly cut and not one of them held with prongs or soldered. One ring in particular caught my eye. The band was silver, and at first glance, there seemed to be tiny shells fastened to it in decoration, but when I looked more closely, I could see the two dozen or so minuscule gems appeared to be rough, uncut diamonds fastened to the ring with a tiny wire.

“You like that one?” Jared asked.

“It’s unique,” I said, still staring at the indentations of the band.

The man held it closer for me to see. “This is real silver,” he boasted proudly. “We hammer it. See here?” He pointed to the indentions in the band. “Polished by hand and hardened in the tumbler. The diamonds are hand-fastened with the wire. Ten gauge wire, see?” He made a show of rotating the ring to show how secure the diamonds were. “Made right here.” He beamed. “Very beautiful. You try on?”

Jared smiled patiently to the vendor and held out his hand. The man placed the ring into Jared’s palm, and he lifted my hand, sliding it on my left ring finger.

“It’s a little big, but it fits,” he approved, looking up at me from under his brow.

“It’s beautiful . . . .” I trailed off, eyeing it for a brief moment before taking it off. “Thank you. Have a nice day,” I said, nodding.

I wasn’t sure what expression was on my face, but Jared chuckled and shook his head. His arm hooked over my shoulder and he pulled me affectionately to him, kissing my cheek. He was remarkably different in this place than in Providence. The clouds in his eyes had been noticeably absent since we’d boarded the plane in Rhode Island, even while he dealt with organizing the crews and getting us and our things to each point in the journey. It was a nice change from the turmoil and angst he usually dealt with concerning our relationship. If it were even possible, I had fallen in love with him all over again.

We meandered to the end of the road, which consisted of four more brightly colored sheet-metal huts, two on each side. Some of the locals had congregated on one side, playing their various instruments. The music was a lively blend of Latin and Caribbean, and it seemed to float in the air perfectly with the heat and humidity. Jared led me to where they were gathered, and we watched them clap and play. They smiled at us as we approached, and then the man strumming the guitar gestured with a nod behind us. We turned to see an older couple from the other side of the street march to the beat until they were in the middle, and then they danced together.

Another couple joined them, and then the guitar player cleared his throat to draw our attention. He nodded again to the street and spoke again, this time to Jared.

“You dance? Take your wife to dance!” he urged with a smile, gesturing again with a nod out to the other couples.

Jared smiled and looked down at me. “Would you like to dance?”

A sudden feeling of nervousness came over me, but the eager expression on Jared’s face made it impossible to say no. He pulled me to the center of the dirt street and twirled me around to the beat of the music. We danced for several songs, laughing as the people around us clapped and cheered. Jared effortlessly spun me around the improvised dance floor. My dress fanned out with every turn, and my sandals kicked dirt against my legs. Soon I was breathless, but Jared didn’t seem to be remotely tired.

As the sun set, the music slowed, and Jared pulled me close. My mind flashed back to the first time we danced at the pub, and I remembered what it felt like to be that close to him when he was all but a stranger to me. Just a couple of months later, we were in a foreign country on a tiny island in the Caribbean Sea, dancing together in the middle of a dirt-laden street among strangers, posing as husband and wife. Although both instances would be moments I would forever regard as precious, Corn Island was magical.

Once the song was over and the beat picked up again, Jared pulled away from me with an apologetic smile. “It’s going to be dark soon, and you’ve had a long day. We should head back.”

I heaved a resigned sigh, pulling my mouth to the side in disappointment.

“We’ll come back,” he assured me, lacing his fingers in mine as we waved good-bye to our new friends.

“Yes! You come back! We’ll play more music for you!” the guitarist said.

Jared walked over to him, shook his hand, and pressed a twenty in his palm.

“Thank you. We had a wonderful time.”

“No problem! You come back anytime!” The man smiled, even more animated than before.

We waved again before returning the way we came. Once we passed the fork in the road, Jared scooped me up in his arms.

“You don’t have to carry me,” I said.

“New shoes?” he asked.

“How did you know?”

“They’re rubbing against your toes. You don’t want to get blisters your first day here. We have a lot to see yet.”

I shook my head. “You sense my feelings, and you can pinpoint exactly where I’m uncomfortable?”

“I’ve told you that already. But it is getting stronger.”

“I know, but I still haven’t gotten used to the feelings thing. It’s . . .” I wrinkled my nose, trying to think of an adequate word.

“Weird,” he finished for me. “You’ve mentioned that.”

I kissed his cheek enthusiastically. “It’s already been an incredible vacation, and we’ve only been here a few hours.”

“I want this to be the best vacation you’ve had so far.”

“Mission accomplished,” I whispered, running my nose along his cheek.

“I’m going to trip over something if you don’t stay away from my ear.” He chuckled.

“I doubt that,” I said, nibbling his earlobe. I’d only meant to tease him, but a quiet moan escaped with his sigh.

“Nina, please don’t.”

“Does someone have an ear fetish?” I taunted, grazing the edge of his ear with the tip of my tongue.

He abruptly set me on my feet. I pressed my lips together and tried not to burst out in laughter.

“Well. That’s something you didn’t tell me on our first date.” I giggled.

Jared tried his best to be annoyed with my teasing, but his face twitched until a grin broke out across his face. “That’s probably because I didn’t know then.”

I grimaced, knowing he would add this to the list of rules. “One more thing I’m not allowed to do.”

He scooped me up into his arms. “I’m already fighting with myself every second I’m alone with you, Nina. You in this dress as beautiful as you are . . . Not to mention feeling how happy you are with me, in this place . . .”

He sat me on my feet again, and I realized we were already at my casita. I looked over to see Cynthia note our return. Satisfied, she blew me a kiss and retreated inside for the night.

It was only then that I realized my mistake. “You’re going to make me sleep alone, aren’t you?”

Jared tenderly touched my face. “If I had my way, you’d sleep in my arms every night for the rest of our lives.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” I said, unable to hide my relief at his answer.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

I had to work to keep the bounce out of my step as I pranced up the stairs into my room. Jared watched me until I turned to wave at him from the inside of my screen door, and then he disappeared behind the foliage.

~*~

The next morning, I woke up with a thin sheath of perspiration covering my body. Jared was lying next to me, but much to my chagrin, his arms were nowhere near me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, handing me a large glass of ice water.

“Why are you over there?” I pouted, taking a large gulp.

Jared smiled. “No air conditioning. I had to track down a fan,” he said, nodding to the corner. A fan sat beside the futon, oscillating slowly.

I frowned. “You left?”

“I keep it cool in the loft to compensate for you having to sleep with an electric blanket. Even on the particularly cold nights, I kept the heater off until morning so you wouldn’t overheat. With the heat and humidity here . . .” He frowned.

“You were worried I’d get too hot,” I finished for him, trying to say it in the most diplomatic way possible.

“You did get too hot, so I had to improvise, and you’re still sweating,” he said, clearly dismayed at the situation.

I looked around to see that all the windows were open. “You didn’t sleep last night.”

Jared sighed, frustrated. “You could have suffered heatstroke from sleeping beside your boyfriend, and you’re worried if I got my hour in.”

“You need more than an hour,” I pointed out.

“I slept.”

“Good,” I said, gulping more water down before setting the glass on the bedside table. “I’m going to take another shower, I’m sticky.”

Jared nodded with a guilty expression and then retreated to his hut.

I showered and then dug through my pile of bathing suits. I held up a small piece of fabric, finding what I hoped would render him speechless. Interestingly enough, it was a one piece. It was blush pink, with a dramatic cut out so revealing it might as well have been a bikini. Small gold circles lined the missing piece and a single strap came over one shoulder, leaving the other bare. I stood brazenly at the screen door; hand on hip, waiting for Jared’s reaction.

Jared kept his back turned. “Do I want to know what you’re up to?” he asked, sensing my impish disposition.

“Why don’t you turn around and find out for yourself?”

Jared slowly turned. The second I came into his line of sight his eyebrows shot upward and his lips parted infinitesimally. He struggled with words for a moment, and I beamed with satisfaction.

“Feel like trying out the beach today?” I asked, smiling innocently.

“Wow,” he said, his eyes scanning over every part of me.

“Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“Beach?”

“I’ll get my trunks,” he said, wheeling around to his cabin.

I giggled as I watched him swiftly vanish behind the palms and return within moments. He walked over to me in light blue board shorts, and it was my turn to be impressed.

We spent the morning playing in the water, diving through the waves, and splashing each other. After an hour, Cynthia strolled out of the trees and parked in a lounge chair, laying her book beside her on the sand. She had brought her camera with her and snapped shots of the ocean, of the fishing boats, of me, and of Jared and me. Jared even coaxed the camera from her and snapped a picture of her and me.

Jared handed the camera back to my mother and pulled me off the sand, leading me out to the water.

“You can replace the one on your nightstand with the picture of us together,” I said, thinking of the black-and-white photo beside his bed.

Jared smiled, splashing water my way. “I’ll get another frame. I’m keeping the one I have of you.”

I wrinkled my nose in disapproval. “Why? It’s a surveillance shot, isn’t it?”

Jared’s eyes grew soft as he scanned my face. “I’d been taking some of the pictures that are now in Cynthia’s safe. I snapped that one of you in the same afternoon. I wasn’t sure why at the time.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the water to him. “I took that the day I fell in love with you.”

I felt a surprised grin spread across my face as my eyebrows rose. “You failed to mention that.”

“You’ve never asked me to replace it before,” he pointed out, pulling me out deeper into the water.

After another hour, Jared talked me into returning to the sand to borrow the bottle of sunscreen Cynthia had purposely left behind when returning to her cabin.

I sprawled across the lounge chair and reached for the sunscreen bottle. It disappeared from my hands, and Jared squirted a large white dollop into his palm.

“I don’t want you to miss anything,” he said, trying not to smile.

I leaned back, gesturing for Jared to proceed.

He began at the tops of my feet and massaged the lotion up one leg and then the next. I’d had several massages before, but Jared’s hands were different as they pressed into and over my skin with the perfect amount of pressure. I bit my lip when he covered the skin bared by the cutout of my suit with his hands, his fingers occasionally slipping ever so slightly under my suit. He finally made his way to the rest of my body and kissed my lips when he was finished with my face.

“Front’s finished,” he prompted.

His head created a block to the sun that was directly above us, making his face black out and lining him in a brilliant halo of light.

I turned onto my stomach, and Jared repeated the process again, this time beginning at my neck and working his way down. Once he finished with my ankles, I sat up and crisscrossed my legs. “Your turn.”

“I don’t need it.”

“You’re going to burn,” I warned in a sing-song tone.

“I don’t burn, Nina. Even if I did, it wouldn’t hurt. The redness would go away in seconds.”

I thought about that for a moment and then grimaced, looking out on the water. “Can you drown?”

He rolled his eyes, amused at my question. “I don’t know. I’ve never tried.”

“But if you did, wouldn’t that kind of negate the whole you-only-die-when-I-do theory?”

“I’m an excellent swimmer, Nina. And I seem to float easier than humans, so I’m going to say no.”

“How on earth would you know that?”

He grinned proudly. “The Coast Guard guys hated me. I could out-tread any one of them by twice the time and come out of the water as fresh as when I’d gone in.”

“When did you train with the Coast Guard?”

“When I was fourteen,” he answered matter-of-factly.

I shook my head, thinking about him blowing away every trainee at every training facility he’d ever been at, making the recruits crazy with frustration at being outdone by a recent junior-high graduate.

“They didn’t object to a fourteen-year-old joining the ranks?”

“Gabe had more than enough connections to round out our training, not to mention there are a few ha— Hybrids in the military and in the government. They’re aware of our need to train, and that makes it easier.”

I nodded as I contemplated Gabe’s connections, wondering if the soldiers Jared trained beside suspected anything.

Jared rolled his eyes again, this time in real frustration. “Why do you ask me things if it bothers you to hear the answer?”

“It doesn’t bother me. It’s just surreal,” I said, watching the sun glistening off the lotion on my skin. “Don’t you think about your life and who you are and just shake your head at how incredible it is?”

“The only thing that’s surreal to me is that you’re sitting here speaking to me, that I can reach over and touch you,” he said, touching my face, “and that you love me. Sometimes I still can’t believe it’s real,” he said, pulling me off the chair and carrying me to an empty hammock.

Once we were situated inside, swinging lazily back and forth in the shade, I kissed the skin just behind his earlobe. “I’m not the one who has friends mentioned in the Bible. I’m not the one who heals amazingly fast, who can do anything and do it better than everyone else in the world. I’m not the one who’s practically perfection.”

“You’re my perfection. I’m all of those things for you,” he said, shaking his head at what he considered a serious misapprehension. “I exist for you, Nina, this mortal being so precious to the creator of the universe that He allowed my existence. Tell me that’s not incredible.”

Words failed me. The only thought I could form was to kiss him, which I did, over and over. When the kisses became more intense, he gently restrained me, and I smiled to hide my frustration.

We spent our days at the beach lounging and swimming, our evenings dancing and laughing in the village, and our nights in my cabin. While Jared and I swam in the clear water on Wednesday afternoon, the clouds rolled in. The waves were soon the largest we’d seen since our arrival, and when we had to dive into the water regularly to keep from getting pummeled, Jared carried me back to the shore.

When he stepped onto the sand, the rain began to fall. I looked up to the sky and smiled. The light, warm rain was a welcome change from the sharp, icy downpours of Providence. Jared and I raced to my casita—he allowed me to win—and we parted ways to wash off the salt water in our respective huts.

Jared hadn’t returned when I slipped on a pair of white canvas pants and a pink tank top, so I walked to his cabin in my bare feet. I could hear his music as I approached; I thought that he might still be in the shower, so I knocked on the wooden frame of his screen door.

“Come in, Nina.” Jared chuckled. “You don’t have to knock.”

Jared relaxed with his back against the wall, lying on top of his perfectly made bed. He was scribbling in a thick brown book. The screen door whined as I stepped inside, and several small lights caught my attention. Monitors and electrical equipment lined one side of the room.

I raised an eyebrow. “You brought a stereo?”

He shrugged. “I take it everywhere.”

“You couldn’t have brought an mp3 player?”

“I can’t have music blaring in my ears while I’m working.”

I crawled in bed beside him, and he pulled me closer. “I thought you could hear me over a stadium full of people?”

Jared wrinkled his nose. “Okay, you caught me. I don’t like the way those things feel in my ears.”

I bit my lip and leaned into his ear. “I thought you liked things touching your ears,” I whispered, brushing my lips along the ridge of his ear. He pressed his lips firmly against mine, and in the same second, I was flat on my back. His reaction seemed automatic, and I was suddenly hopeful that his weakness was my best chance at changing his mind about waiting.

Just as I settled against him, he pulled away.

“Your lips are different from a pair of hard plastic speakers. Now behave yourself.” He smiled.

“Sorry,” I said unconvincingly, nestling in the crook of his arm. Listening to the rain tap out a soft song on the roof, I closed my eyes and smiled. It was the first time I had ever been glad for it to rain on vacation.

The pages of the book Jared held were full of handwritten words. He had begun at the top of the page, writing in tiny script, using every empty space available.

“What is that?”

“My journal. I thought I’d get caught up. I’m about a month behind. I didn’t want to leave anything out,” he said, kissing my hair.

“You keep a journal?” I asked in surprise.

“What else is there to do for the six or so hours I’m awake at night?” he smiled.

“Do you ever write about me?”

“Nina, most of this book is about you,” he said, as if it should have been obvious.

I sat up. “Seriously?”

Jared grinned, amused at my reaction. “Yes. You don’t believe me?”

“Of course I believe you. I just . . .” I looked down at the thick book and noticed that there was only half an inch left to write in. “That’s a lot of pages.”

His features softened as he scanned my face. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

“You took notes on things I did?”

Jared laughed. “No. Well, sometimes. Mostly I wrote about the way the things you did made me feel, or plans I’d make, how I could get around Jack’s wishes, how I would live without you, how I would make you happy. It’s gotten me through some rough nights.”

“Is there anything bad?”

Jared grinned. “Would you like to read it?”

“No!” I cried. Embarrassed that he thought that was what I wanted, I felt the familiar fire burn under my cheeks. “It’s your journal. It’s none of my business.”

“I don’t keep secrets from you. You know that.”

I looked down at my hands and picked at my fingernails. “It’s private. I wouldn’t want you to read my journal.”

“You don’t have a journal. I probably would have read it if you did,” he said offhandedly.

I looked up at him, shocked.

“I’m kidding!” He chuckled. “There’s nothing I’ve written that I’m ashamed of. I think it would be a good thing.”

He closed the book and placed it in my lap. I was curious to know what the journal contained, but it felt wrong to read it, regardless of the permission I’d been given.

“Nina. It’s okay. Read it,” he said, taking a finger and flipping open the cover to the first page.

I spent the stormy afternoon with my head propped up against Jared, reading his private thoughts. Once I’d pored over the first few pages, the guilt slipped away, and I found myself absorbed in every word. It was an odd sensation reading my memories from pages written at a time when I didn’t know he existed.

I chewed on my thumbnail as I read through my life from the outside. Jared played with my hair; otherwise, he sat motionless and silent. Halfway through one of his more lengthy entries, I realized it was written the night he’d taken a bullet for me.

Claire extracted the bullet. I’ve been angry, but this time I was furious. I saw that bastard aim at her, and I wanted to tear his head from his neck. I couldn’t end his life fast enough. That’s one less of Donovan’s men who will go after her, but it doesn’t make me feel better. I can’t figure it out. I yelled at Claire to finish so I could go back to Nina. I couldn’t even explain to Claire what I was so mad about, because I didn’t know myself. The need to get back to her was ridiculous because I knew that Dad was with her. She’d gone home by then, but I had to be near her, and I was angry that I felt that way.

It’s as if I’ve been addicted to her, but I didn’t know it until tonight. As if I didn’t already have to be near her to protect her, now I just need to be near her. It’s infuriating.

So now I’m here, watching her talk to Cynthia. I still don’t know what my problem is. For the first time, I was afraid that I would fail. And not just fail—that I would fail HER. Claire accuses me of being a perfectionist; maybe that’s what it is. Or maybe I just didn’t want to let her down. But why the hell should I care? She wouldn’t know either way. I don’t want her to die, but that should be obvious, right? If she dies, I die.

Maybe I just care. And that wouldn’t be a bad thing for me to care about her. She’s a sweet girl. She’s kind to others. She’s intelligent. She’s comically stubborn. She does that cute tuck-her-hair-behind-her-ear thing when she’s nervous. She’s beautiful—unbelievably beautiful. Anyone with any sense would care about her. Spending all this time around her, I guess it was inevitable. But this is more than just caring. If I hadn’t been bleeding all over myself, I would have grabbed her, and I don’t know . . . What am I thinking? She can’t know about me. Maybe that’s what I’m angry about. Maybe I want her to know I’m protecting her. I think a part of me wants her to know. She’s walking around her house and has no idea that I saved her life today. And that should bother me WHY? She shouldn’t know. She shouldn’t know that I protect her or that I care about her or that I think she’s beautiful. Wouldn’t that be ridiculous if I had feelings for her? Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe it’s more than that. I think it’s more than that.

I think I’m in love with her.

I looked up from the pages of Jared’s journal to see that he was watching for my reaction. I pulled myself up and scrambled to kiss him. His mouth turned up into a smile as I pressed my lips against his, so I pulled back to look into his eyes. His expression was triumphant.

I took in a deep breath to speak, but Jared’s face twisted into a frown. “Don’t say ‘aw.’”

I shook my head quickly. “I wasn’t! I was most certainly not going to say ‘aw.’ That was amazing; thank you.”

“You should read the night of your sixteenth birthday. Or the day you graduated from high school. Or the night you went out with Philip Jacobs.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t think I want to relive my sixteenth birthday. And I know I don’t want to relive the three hours with Philip Jacobs. Yech.”

Jared smiled. “I could read it to you. I’ll leave out the parts you don’t want to hear.”

I leaned back against him, settling in to hear my life through Jared’s eyes.

I was amazed at how much he loved me for so long and how he fought the sometimes insufferable longing to speak to me. There were parts that were difficult to listen to and parts that—if I had wanted to interrupt him, which I didn’t—I wanted him to go back and read again.

He skipped to the entry he wrote the day of my high school graduation. He wrote how proud of me he was and how beautiful I looked in my cap and gown. He spoke of how happy I felt and wondered where my college years would take us. Jared wrote a lot about being worried that once we gained distance from Gabe and Jack he would introduce himself.

His eyes clouded over as he read to me his fears that I would fall in love with someone at college and the unknown reaction he would have watching me be with someone in that way. I learned how devastated he was at the prospect that I would never know how much he loved me and how he dreaded the day I got married and had children with someone else. Jared’s voice broke as he read the words.

When he turned to the entry on the day that my father died, tears welled up in my eyes as he described watching Gabe fade away. Jared’s hand tangled in mine as he spoke of the moment he stood a few feet away from me, watching me sob on the bench. When the bus left the curb, the fight in him to stay away from me was gone. The tone of the pages changed significantly after that.

Jared smiled as he cited the joy he felt every time he ran into me, the expressions and feelings I’d had, and how it felt the first time I’d said his name.

“Read what you wrote today.” I smiled.

“I will later. The rain stopped,” he said, shutting the book.

I looked up as I listened for the rain, but the only sounds were the intermittent dripping from the roof and the fronds of the palm trees and the birds twittering just outside the cabin.

“What’s the plan?” I asked, sitting up and stretching.

“Why don’t you show Cynthia around the village?”

I smiled at his selfless suggestion, kissing him before I made my way to my mother’s cabin. She was drying her chair with a towel, a book in her other hand.

“Hello, dear,” she said. Her sunglasses moved up with her smile.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go to the village with me. It’s really eclectic. I think you’d like it,” I said, resting my arms on the wooden railing.

Cynthia sat in her chair and opened her book. I knew the answer before she’d given it.

She smiled politely as she always did before she diplomatically turned down an offer. “I think I’ll just relax here, Nina. Why don’t you and Jared go exploring?”

“We’ve been almost everywhere.” I shrugged. “Are you sure you don’t want to go?”

Cynthia didn’t look up from her book. “I’m sure. Go have fun.”

I clambered up the railing and leaned far over it to land a kiss on her cheek. She simply grinned and continued reading.

Jared waited for me outside his cabin. “No dice, huh?” he said, opening his arms to hold me.

“She’s never been this way. I don’t understand it,” I said, pressing my cheek against his chest.

“She just misses Jack,” he reassured me. “What do you say we rent one of those cycles from the village and take a ride up the coast—try to find a village we haven’t seen yet?”

I smiled enthusiastically and nodded.

Jared took turn after turn, indiscriminate of dirt or paved roads. A few huts came into view, and moments later we were in more of a town than a village. It looked as if it might have been one of the more populated places on the island. Jared parked the bike, and we walked along a cobblestone road. The buildings were less primitive than in the village we frequented.

Jared squeezed my hand when the sunlight began to wane. “We should head back. It’s going to be dark soon.”

I sighed, sad that another perfect day was over. Just as we turned around, a bell began to ring. I turned my attention in the direction of the beautiful tolling and noticed a group of people standing together on a street corner a block away, staring in the same direction.

“Let’s go,” I said, tugging on Jared’s hand. “I want to see what all the commotion is about.”

Halfway down the road, a bright white chapel came into view. I gasped as I watched a newly married couple walk slowly down the steep rock steps to the small crowd that cheered, chanted, and sang. Soon, they all began singing the same happy song.

The group followed the couple down the street, clapping and singing in unison. The bell tolled a few more times and, as if on purpose, rang one last time before the last of the joyful procession disappeared.

I looked back to the chapel, hypnotized by its beauty. It stood taller than the other buildings with its meager two stories.

“Do you want to look inside?” Jared asked, gently tugging on my hand.

“I don’t think so. I just want to stay here.”

“Okay,” Jared murmured, obviously curious at my emotions.

I couldn’t explain it, but I felt a bit weepy. It was as if the building had spoken to me, asking me to stay a bit longer. Jared wrapped his arms around my middle, touching his lips to my hair. I felt the sweat bead on the skin of my back that pressed against his chest.

“What is it?” Jared asked after several moments.

“It’s just so beautiful,” I said, my voice breaking.

“No, there’s something . . .” he said, clearly confused by my mixed emotions.

I leaned my head back against his chest. “We’re going to get married in this chapel.”

“Right now?” Jared asked. I turned to scold him for mocking me, but he had a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

My grimace instantly turned into an appreciative grin. “I’d like to come back here when the time comes.”

Jared’s irises glowed with the same azure blue as the sea. “I would travel to the ends of the earth to marry you.”

He grazed the line of my jaw with his thumb and pressed his lips against mine. I melted against him. Jared’s grip tightened as he sensed my elation, and my imagination transformed my clothes into a white dress and Jared’s khaki shorts and T-shirt into a suit.

“We’d better get back,” he said, looking up at the dark clouds rolling in from the horizon.

I nodded, and he led me away from our chapel. I watched it as we walked down the block until it disappeared behind the palm trees.

Friday morning came too soon, and Jared became the authoritative personality he transformed into when organizing the progression of our things from one point to another. Once in the air, Jared put his hand on mine.

“You’ve been quiet all morning. You want to talk about it?” he asked.

“I wasn’t ready. It went by too fast,” I murmured, looking out the window of the plane.

“We’ll take another vacation soon. The moment you finish your last final, I’ll have Robert take us to the airport, and we’ll get on a plane just you and me. Somewhere with air conditioning,” Jared promised, kissing my hand.

I sighed and nodded. Even though the prospect was infinitely appealing, I couldn’t rise above the moroseness I felt.

Jared lifted my chin to look into my eyes, appraising my mood for a moment. He seemed to deliberate something, finally pressing his lips together. “I was going to wait, but I think I should give this to you now,” he said, standing up to dig inside his duffle bag.

He sat down beside me and placed a small woven box in my lap. “Open it.” He smiled.

I pulled at the lid. Sitting on tiny shreds of palm fronds sat the ring I’d tried on in the village. A smile broke across my face.

“You liked that one, right?”

“I loved that one,” I said.

The sadness from our departure intertwined with how touched I was that he had somehow gone back to the village and had bought the ring without my knowledge. Tears formed rapidly in my eyes.

Jared lifted the ring and held it between his fingers. My eyes darted from his hand to his eyes; he seemed nervous about something.

“I have a request,” Jared said, smiling sheepishly.

I raised an eyebrow. “A condition?”

“No, no, just a request. Once I put this on your finger, I’d like for you not to take it off until I replace it.”

My pessimism all but forgotten, I didn’t hesitate. “I promise.”

“You don’t have to promise; it’s just a request,” he said, heartened by my reaction.

“I promise,” I insisted.

Jared beamed as he slipped the silver band on my left ring finger. It fit perfectly.

“You had it sized?” I asked.

His smile widened. “I wanted it to be perfect.”

He laughed at me each time he caught me lifting up my fingers to stare at my left hand. I was still sad to say good-bye to our island, but knowing I had brought a piece of it with me made the trip home a bit easier.

Once we landed, I stepped onto the wet tarmac and pulled my coat tightly around me. The bitter cold wind swirled around me, and I was glad when Jared offered his warm arms as insulation.

“Why don’t you go ahead with Cynthia? You don’t have to stand in the cold with me,” Jared said.

I began to argue, but I saw the clouds in his eyes. “What is it?”

Jared’s brow fell inward, and I could see he didn’t want to tell me. Beyond Jared’s shoulder, a tall dark figure caught my eye.

“Samuel?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said through his teeth. “It must be pressing or he wouldn’t have come.”

“I’ll meet you in the car.” I choked back the tears. We had barely touched the ground and already the harsh reality of our lives in Providence insisted we pay it attention like a spoiled child.

“If you love him, you’ll have to accept that this is the way it will be,” Cynthia said apathetically.

I watched Jared from inside the car. His expression was grave; it was not good news. He nodded once and walked towards the door Robert dutifully held open. Samuel was no longer there. He didn’t disappear, he didn’t fizzle out or his form blink from the space it occupied; he was there one moment, and then he wasn’t.

Jared slid into the seat beside me. “You can go now, Robert.”

“Yes, sir,” Robert said, nodding in the mirror and then looking ahead.

I watched Jared work to keep the tension from his face. I didn’t need supernatural perception to know what he was feeling. He had the same look on his face when he pulled the book from the safe. He was afraid.

15. The Last Supper

Jared instructed Robert to drive us to the loft and then take my things to Brown. I noticed that he didn’t speak much on the way, but there was no point in trying to talk to him, not with Cynthia sitting on the other side of me.

When the car slid in next to the curb, I kissed my mother good-bye. Jared led me up the stairs with one hand, his duffle bag and luggage in the other. He put a few things away and then trotted down the stairs.

From the railing, I watched him mill about. I wasn’t sure when reality would finally set in. His perfection was something only seen on the silver screen or a magazine cover, and yet he casually walked around just below me. He was thumbing through his mail until he paused to look up at me.

“Is everything all right?” he asked.

“I should be asking you that, shouldn’t I?”

“No, not necessarily, why?” His face was too relaxed, his features intentionally at ease.

“You’re not going to tell me what Samuel said?”

Jared smiled, seeming to ignore my question. “If you’re worried about your things, I had Robert take them to be laundered. We’ll pick them up later and swing by Andrews to get anything else you need.”

“Jared, Samuel—”

“Lillian wants to meet you,” he interrupted.

“She wants to meet me? But I’ve met her,” I said, bewildered.

“Nina, you haven’t been around her since you were a girl. She wants to be properly introduced to my girlfriend, not to mention that Bex has been dying to meet you. You’re sort of a celebrity at my house.”

“A what?” I said.

Jared laughed. “Imagine your father was guarding the king and your big brother, whom you idolize, guards the princess. You’ve never met either of them. Wouldn’t you be excited to hear that a princess is coming to dinner? He’s eleven. He’s excited.”

“Yes, Her Royal Highness, the Princess of Crime,” I grumbled.

“Tomorrow night she’s making pot roast.”

“Ugh! You’re not fighting fair!”

His face contorted from playful to concern. “You don’t want to meet my family?”

“Of course I want to meet your family. It’s just that being around your mother, who I desperately want to like me, and in the same room as Claire, who wishes me dead, is going to be awkward.”

Jared smiled warmly. “It will be fine. Claire will be on her best behavior, I assure you. My mother is less forgiving about Claire’s attitude than I am. You don’t have to worry about Lillian. She’s always loved you.”

I nodded, wondering what I had ever done to deserve her kind regard.

We set out on perfectly normal errands. He held me against his side while we waited for our developing film and while walking the aisles of an antique store to find the perfect frame for our new picture. On the surface, it appeared that our normal days on the island hadn’t ended, but Jared had purposely made it seem that way. He was hiding something.

He seemed to have to work harder to hide his unease when he wrapped his arms around me for the night.

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

I felt him tense. “I was hoping you’d let it go.”

“Why? I thought truth was the cornerstone of our relationship? That was so important to you before spring break,” I pointed out.

“It’s still important.”

“Then what is it? Why are you keeping what Samuel said from me?”

He sighed. “Before we left, you needed normalcy. While we were gone, things were normal. I want you to have that here, where we live. If that’s what you want, then you should have it. We could live like Jack and Cynthia. She didn’t ask questions, he didn’t divulge information, and they made it work.” He pressed his lips against my hair. “Leave the details to me.”

I considered that for a moment. “That’s what you want?”

“I just want to make things easier on you.”

I kissed his shoulder. “When do things get easier on you?”

“You’re safe in my arms. I’m not outside Andrews in my SUV listening to you talk about some guy you’re dating, wishing it were me. The fact that you know what I am and that we spend so much time together makes my job easier than it’s ever been. This will end soon, sweetheart. I just need you to trust me.”

“Sweet potato fries?” I whispered into the darkness.

Jared pulled me closer to him and kissed my neck. “Sweet potato fries.”

~*~

Saturday morning I awoke to Jared standing beside the bed. He held out my buzzing cell phone, and I took it, noting the unhappy look on his face.

“Hello?”

“Good mornin’, sunshine. How was your trip?” Ryan said.

“It was perfect. How was yours?” I said, rubbing my eyes. I couldn’t help but smile; Ryan’s voice was strangely comforting.

“It was fun. You should have been there. You didn’t forget about the Bio test next week, right?”

“You’re calling about the test?” I asked, suspicious of his ulterior motives.

“No. That’s just my lame excuse. I’m calling because I haven’t heard your voice in a week and I miss you.”

I could tell by the tension in Jared’s jaw that he could hear Ryan perfectly clearly. I sighed. “Thank you. I didn’t forget.”

Ryan chuckled. “Good. I’ll see you Sunday night?”

“What’s Sunday night?”

“You’re coming back to Brown Sunday night. Or did you change your mind and move in?”

I sighed. “No. I’m coming back, but not until late. I’m having dinner with Jared’s family.”

“Oh,” Ryan dramatically exhaled, making a loud noise into the phone. “Okay, then. I’ll see you Sunday night. Later, kiddo.”

I hung up the phone and made a face.

“What?” Jared asked.

“He’s being weird. He’s being really nice.”

“I heard,” Jared frowned, sitting beside me.

“He’s up to something.” I grimaced.

Jared watched me for a moment and smiled. “I can’t say I blame him. I’ve been in his shoes, and I can testify that it’s torture being in love with you and seeing you with someone else. I don’t take a single second with you for granted.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Okay, now you’re up to something.”

Jared laughed and shook his head. “Ryan is working overtime to win you over. I’m just doing everything I can to keep you. You can’t begrudge me that.”

“You don’t have anything to worry about. I’ve always been yours.”

Jared took my hand and kissed my new ring, content. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

As the evening approached, I grew increasingly nervous. Jared reassured me that Lillian was very fond of me, but it didn’t help to calm my fears.

As soon as we walked in, the wonderful smell from my childhood saturated my senses. Jared’s mother greeted us in the foyer, and I grinned when I realized how much Jared looked like her. She hadn’t changed, only this time she was in a sage green apron. Her long blond hair enveloped her shoulders, and her wide, blue-gray eyes wrinkled with her broad smile. She approached me with open arms.

“Nina! Nina, it’s so good to see you, honey. We’ve been waiting for you for a long time.” She hugged me tightly and then pulled Jared in to kiss his cheek. The plant Jared held caught her eye. “This is for me?”

“Nina insisted we bring you something. I tried to tell her the poor thing would be dead in a week.”

“Oh! Jared, you’re so silly.” She giggled, lightly smacking his shoulder.

I could see why an angel would fall in love with her. She was a beacon of light, and love seemed to pour from her every word.

“Come in! Come and sit; dinner is almost ready,” she said, carrying the small plant with her.

Bex’s eyes brightened as he stood to greet me.

Jared gestured to the boy. “Nina, this is my little brother, Bex. Bex, this is Nina Grey.”

“Nice to meet you,” Bex said, surprising me with a hug. His blond hair was nearly white, and his big blue-gray eyes matched his freshly ironed shirt. Even at eleven, his muscles were already well on their way to his older brother’s size, and he was almost as tall as I. Jared watched me with adoration as I hugged his brother. Bex pulled out my chair, and I smiled appreciatively before taking a seat.

I caught Claire rolling her eyes, and Jared cleared his throat.

“Claire? Could you help me in the kitchen for a moment?” I heard Lillian say in a slightly firmer tone than she’d had moments before. Claire stiffened and then quickly joined her mother in the kitchen.

I sat between Bex and Jared as Lillian and a significantly more affable Claire brought the dishes of food to the table.

I felt seven years old again as Lillian circled the table, scooping out side dishes to each plate. After Lillian served me, she leaned down and kissed my cheek.

“I have missed you, sweet Nina,” she crooned.

When she retreated to the kitchen, Jared pulled me to him and kissed me affectionately. “I told you. She loves you.”

I smiled, feeling a little overwhelmed at the outpouring of love. Apart from Jared, the only person that I felt loved me so deeply was my father. It felt as if I’d had a secret family my entire life that I wasn’t aware of. They had all—but one—loved me from afar and watched me grow. Gabe’s occasional proud paternal glances made more sense now.

I looked over at Claire and wondered why they didn’t regard me in the same way that she did. My family had kept Gabe away much of the time, and now I occupied the majority of Jared’s and, until recently, Claire’s time. I couldn’t fathom the pure goodness in Lillian for loving me despite what my family had done to hers, but she sat across from me, watching me as if I were a long lost daughter who had finally returned home.

I looked down to my food, the deluge of emotion threatening to bring tears to my eyes.

“Nina?” Jared whispered, caressing my knee.

I nervously chuckled. “I’m fine,” I said, looking up at him as if he’d given me the greatest gift in the world.

He was confused at first, but my overwhelming happiness prompted a wide grin across his face. We ate and laughed as Lillian and Bex told funny stories about Jared. Even Claire allowed herself to laugh a few times. Jared and I shared our time in Little Corn, and Lillian rushed over to look at my ring, kissing her son on the head in approval.

Lillian looked at her watch and smiled at her youngest son. “I’m afraid it’s bedtime, Bex,” she smiled.

Bex fought a look of disappointment and nodded, stopping to hug me before he retreated upstairs.

“Wow. What a great kid,” I mused, watching him leave.

“He is. All of my children are exceptional,” she said, watching Bex as he climbed towards the second floor.

“Yes, they are.” We all shared a laugh at that, and Claire cleared the table of our pie plates.

Jared leaned over to kiss my forehead, and Lillian beamed with joy. “You make my son the happiest I have ever seen him. You don’t know how wonderful it is to finally see him smile that way.”

I looked at Jared, who scanned my face with deep adoration. He touched my cheek, and I tore my eyes away from his affectionate stare, embarrassed by the intimate way we were behaving in front of his mother.

I struggled to deflect the three pairs of eyes staring at me. “So how does that work? Bex having a bed time, I mean. Isn’t he awake by midnight?” I asked.

Lillian’s musical laugh filled the air. “He has told you everything, hasn’t he?” she said, winking at her son. “The younger they are, the more they sleep. They slept almost as much as other infants when they were newborns. By their first birthdays, they no longer needed naps, but they still slept nearly through the night. My goodness, you and I would have our work cut out for us if we had babies that only slept two hours a day!” She laughed again, and I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.

Jared shifted in his seat. “We haven’t discussed that, yet, Mom.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She smiled sweetly. “I’m notorious for wishful thinking.”

I felt Jared’s warm hand gently encompass mine. “Let’s just take one thing at a time. We don’t want to scare Nina off.”

I smiled at Jared. “It would take a lot more than that to scare me off, as if that could ever happen.”

Claire stiffened in her seat, and almost simultaneously, Jared did the same. Lillian watched her son. She was waiting for something but didn’t seem afraid. Jared turned his head, listening intently. He reminded me of a wild animal sensing danger, on alert, ears scanning the air for movement. Suddenly, Claire stood up and kicked her chair against the wall. I jumped at the noise, and then it was dark.

“Bex,” Claire whispered.

Jared grabbed my arm and whisked me up the stairs, with Lillian just behind us. We rushed down a long hall and then entered the last door to our right. He backed me into a corner and gently put his finger to my mouth. It was then that I realized something was very wrong.

I could barely make out Jared’s form in the darkness as I saw him lean over Bex’s bed and whisper in his brother’s ear before disappearing silently from the room.

It was quiet for a long time, and I jerked when I felt Lillian’s hand on my arm. My eyes darted back and forth between the door and Bex, who was lying as still as a statue in his bed.

Suddenly, a loud crash echoed from downstairs, and I closed my eyes. My heart threatened to punch through my chest with every beat. Another crash came from a different area of the lower level, and then two gun shots rang out. I heard scuffling, and then a male voice cried out, abruptly cutting off.

Bex remained in his bed. The room became clearer as my vision adjusted to the darkness. Unable to discern who was in the house, how many, and who was winning, I told myself that Jared was alive as long as I was.

In the next moment, a stranger dressed in black burst through the door. The bed lit up with the beam of a flashlight, and in the next moment, the man charged, yanking Bex from his bed. I lunged forward when the man pressed cold metal against the boy’s temple.

“NO!” I screamed. Lillian grabbed my shoulders and jerked me against her chest.

Claire appeared in the door way, targeting the intruder with her handgun. She jerked her head up once, breathing heavily. “It’s been awhile, Crenshaw.”

Even in the darkness, I could see a smug smile on Claire’s face, as if she had the upper hand. Crenshaw pressed the barrel of his gun against Bex’s head.

“Claire?” Bex said, sounding as terrified as I felt.

“It’s okay. Everything’s going to be all right,” Claire assured him.

“Just let me take her and I’ll go quietly. I’ll leave the boy down the street,” the man growled, true fear underlying his demand.

“You know that’s not going to happen, Crenshaw. Just take your life and go,” Claire said, looking down the sights of her firearm.

Crenshaw tightened his grip on his gun. “I can’t go back without her—you know that. Hand Jack’s kid over and I’ll leave the boy,” he rasped.

Bex’s head tilted from the pressure of the barrel pressing harder against his skin.

Claire’s expression was frightening, even in the darkness. “Do you know what I’ll do to you if you leave a mark on him? Ease up on that barrel, Harry.”

“I’ll go!” I said, desperate to end the standoff.

Crenshaw’s attention jerked toward me then. “Nina?”

“I’ll go with you. Just leave them alone,” I blurted out, a tear burning down my cheek.

Claire sighed in exasperation, keeping her eyes on Crenshaw. “I’m not going to trade one brother for another, Nina. Stay where you are.”

Crenshaw cocked his weapon, and Claire took one hand off her gun and held it palm-out toward Crenshaw. “Okay. Okay, Harry. I’m laying down my weapon. Easy does it,” she said, moving slowly to lay her gun flat on the floor.

Lillian held her breath, and her nails lightly dug into my shoulders.

“Your heart is racing, Crenshaw.” Claire said, standing up slowly with both hands in front of her.

“So?”

“So they warned you about us, didn’t they?”

“Yeah, so?” He sniffed.

“So when they warned you about Jared and me, and they sent twelve of you to take on two of us, and you all came in here, guns blazing, knowing most of you wouldn’t make it out”—she raised one eyebrow before getting to her point—“did they warn you about Bex?”

Crenshaw’s head darted around to each side of him, unclear what Claire meant, but he looked terrified.

A small hand slowly rose into the air. “Nice to meet you, Crenshaw. I’m Bex.”

In the same second, Bex’s body blurred in movement, and Crenshaw’s dark form bent unnaturally as he cried out. I heard bones snap as the intruder’s gun fell to the floor. In the next moment, Bex stood over his assailant. In one swift jerk, Bex pulled Crenshaw’s neck, and a loud crack pierced the room.

Lillian exhaled as Bex stood over Crenshaw’s broken body. Claire walked over to her slightly taller, younger brother and hugged him.

“I underestimated you,” Claire said, smiling at the overgrown boy in her arms.

“And you said I wouldn’t be able to act scared enough,” he taunted.

“I admit it. I was totally wrong. For a second there I thought you were going to cry like a little girl. He didn’t see you coming at all,” she said, pressing her fist against his jaw.

Bex playfully punched her in the arm, and she ruffled his hair.

“Are you okay, Nina?” Bex asked, turning to me with a concerned expression.

I could only lift the corners of my mouth for a second, grateful when Claire motioned for him to follow her downstairs. I recoiled as I watched Bex step over Harry Crenshaw’s body as if he were a piece of furniture.

Jared came through the door moments later, and after surveying the scene, walked straight to me.

“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked, pulling me tightly into his arms.

I nodded. “Where were you?”

“I had to take care of a few things downstairs. Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again, holding my cheeks in his hands and scanning my face.

I nodded again, and then my knees buckled. Jared lifted me into his arms and carried me downstairs through the darkness.

“Should I get the lights?” Lillian asked.

“Not yet,” Jared answered.

I heard Claire trot down the stairs and rummage through a cabinet in the bathroom. With a small flashlight in her mouth, she turned to look at her back in the mirror as she flattened a pink Hello Kitty Band-Aid against a deep cut on her shoulder.

Jared took me outside into the night air. “Take a few slow, deep breaths. You’ll feel better soon.”

I felt a blanket surround me as Lillian kissed my forehead. “I’m so sorry, baby. We’ll try again another night.”

I couldn’t reply. She acted as if she’d burned the pot roast, not that a group of men had broken into her home and assaulted her family to kidnap one of her guests.

“I need to take Nina home. Claire and Bex can clean up. Call me if there is a problem,” Jared said.

Lillian nodded and kissed her son.

“I am so sorry.” I choked, the guilt crushing me.

Jared’s mother cupped my cheek in her palm and stared at me with deep sympathy. “This is not your fault, Nina. It’s no one’s fault. It is what it is.” She shrugged with a small smile, and I tried to return her expression, but I was afraid if I let the numbness escape me for even a moment, I would break down in front of everyone.

Once in the SUV, I asked Jared to take me to Andrews.

“Why?” he asked, genuinely surprised.

“I just want to go home,” I said, looking out the window.

Jared traced my fingers with his. “I’d feel better if you stayed with me tonight.”

“I think I . . . I just want to sleep in my bed,” I said, stumbling over my words. I had made the decision before I’d gotten in the car.

“If that’s what you want.” He sighed in resignation, and then turned down a road that led to Brown.

Jared slowly pulled beside the curb and switched off the ignition. Without a word, I pulled on the handle to let myself out.

“Nina?” Jared called as he caught up with me. “I don’t think this is a good idea; you’re not in any condition to be alone.”

“Beth is there,” I said as I continued walking.

He stopped me just as I reached for the door. “You don’t want to be around me tonight, do you?”

I didn’t want to say it. I begged myself not to, but I had to say the words. The tears threatened to fall, but I forced them back. “I can’t do this, Jared.”

He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You can’t do what?”

“We have to go back to the way things used to be,” I said, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

I could see the clouds forming in his eyes. “What are you talking about?” he asked warily.

“I . . .” My lips pressed together, afraid to speak words that would be physically painful to say, “I don’t think we should be together. I don’t see how it can work.”

Jared was instantly angry. “Don’t do this. You think what happened at Lillian’s tonight is your fault.” He gripped my shoulders. “It’s not your fault, Nina.”

“They came to your mother’s house, Jared, for me. If I hadn’t been there, they wouldn’t have come. Quit saying it’s not my fault. It is.”

Jared’s eyes narrowed. “How do you think this is going to help, exactly? This isn’t the first time someone has been in our home. It’s not the first time Lillian has been in danger. She was married to Jack Grey’s guardian angel, Nina. It sort of comes with the territory.” He relaxed a bit and pulled me to him. “We can take care of ourselves, okay?”

I pulled away from him, surprised at his casual demeanor. “You brought me to meet your family, and you expect me not to care what happens to them?”

Jared grabbed my hands and sighed in frustration. I could see that he was desperate for me to see reason. “Nothing happened to them. I realize you were scared, but it was completely under control. You don’t think Bex has seen worse?”

“In his home? In his room? Your eleven-year-old brother broke a man’s neck in his bedroom, Jared. That’s not normal.”

“We’re not normal!” He took a deep breath to keep his voice calm. “Bex just got home from training with the Marines, Nina. You’re not saving him by doing this. It’s who we are. What do you think you’ll accomplish by pushing me away?” He shook his head and looked at me as if I’d lost my mind.

But I was resolved.

“It’s going to keep them focused on me and out of your mother’s house.”

Jared’s eyes darkened and a grave expression shadowed his face. “So we won’t go back there. If that’s what you want, we’ll stay away from her house.” Jared reached for me, but I moved away.

I shook my head. “They already know who you are. They know where your mother lives. They know about Bex now. The damage is done, Jared.”

“You’re being unreasonable. This doesn’t make any sense,” he said in a strangled tone.

I looked to the sidewalk. “Don’t make this harder—”

“Than it already is? Original,” he snapped. “How are we supposed to go about this, Nina? I’m no longer allowed to speak to you or touch you? You expect me to go through that again?”

His pointed question sent a new bolt of guilt shooting through me, and I struggled to keep his pain from overriding the guilt that I felt at Lillian’s.

“I don’t know what I expect; I just know this is too hard. It’s too . . . I’m going to get your family killed! Don’t you care about that?”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re not going to get them killed. Three out of four of us are Half-breeds, Nina. Twelve well-trained humans couldn’t make it out of our house alive, tonight. You don’t have to do this!”

“Hybrids,” I insisted. “Don’t fight me on this. You know I’m right. They know they can get at one of us with the other.”

“So we’ll solve the problem, not run from it. I can’t believe you’re saying this,” he seethed. “You of all people, who stood in the freezing rain for fifteen minutes because you didn’t want to wait a few more days for me to appease your mother! Who sliced open your hand and nearly broke your arm because you had to talk to me! Two days ago we decided where our wedding will be, Nina! You’re just going to walk away from everything we’ve been fighting for?”

I couldn’t argue, so I simply nodded my head.

Jared grabbed my shoulders. “I don’t believe you.”

“You said I needed things to be normal.” I hesitated; my next words would cut him. “I can’t have a normal life with you.”

Jared’s eyes turned a midnight blue. “Don’t lie to me, Nina. You want out because you’re afraid something will happen to my family if we stay together. I’m telling you, nothing’s going to happen. I’m asking you to trust me.”

I reached my hand up to touch his cheek; his jaws tensed under his skin. “Something will happen. I don’t know what else to do, Jared. We both have to have some sort of a life.”

“I can’t have a life without you. I don’t want a life without you.” He swallowed hard. His face was locked in an agonizing expression.

I pressed my lips together, determined to make him believe the lie. “This isn’t how I want to live—the fear, the guilt, the looking over my shoulder—we can’t even be intimate.”

Jared took my hand and pressed his lips against my knuckles, closing his eyes tight. “Please, please don’t do this. I can’t go back to that.”

I almost gave in. I wanted to, but I stayed focused on the guilt I felt as I told Lillian good-bye. “You have to go.” I placed the loft key in his palm.

“Nina,” he choked, looking down at his hand as if I had placed a hot coal there.

I reached down to pull his ring from my finger, and he grabbed both of my hands. His face crumpled as if he had taken all he could stand. “Don’t break your promise.”

I relaxed my hands down to my sides. He was right; I had promised.

Jared pulled me into him by my shoulders and kissed me deeply—and I let him. I returned his kiss with the same sadness and fear. He held me so tightly I found it hard to breathe, but I didn’t care. I let him hold me and kiss me however he wanted. It would be our last night together.

He abruptly pulled back, just a few inches, but kept me tightly in his arms. “I’ll do what I have to do, Nina. If you want to go away, we’ll go. If you need intimacy, I’ll make love to you. I’ll give you whatever you want. I’ll give up everything I have. I’ll give up my family. We can get in the car right now and just drive. I won’t even look back. Just don’t ask me to do this. I can’t do it. I can’t,” he choked.

I pulled away from his grip and opened the door. Jared pulled me back into his arms and kissed me again. Once I felt the tears streak down my cheeks I tried to push him away, but he kept me against him. I had to shove him again and again, until he finally let go so that I could get through the door.

The steps to my room seemed endless. I stayed focused on my mission, refusing to fall apart. Jared had said it himself that he was willing to give up everything for me, including his family, but I couldn’t let him do that. I couldn’t let the Ryels get hurt because of me, whether it was physically or from losing Jared. I couldn’t look Jared in the eye if he lost another person in his family because of the mistakes of my father.

I wiped my face and tucked my hair behind my ears before I opened the door. Beth sat at her computer.

“And she’s home!” Beth said excitedly, spinning around in her desk chair. Her tone quickly changed when she saw my face. “Oh my God, Nina! What’s wrong?”

“Jared and I are over,” I murmured, changing into my pajamas. I wanted to sleep. It was the only thing that would alleviate the wrenching pain in my ribs.

“Didn’t you meet his mother tonight? What happened?”

“All hell broke loose,” I replied, scrubbing my face in the sink.

“Ugh! Why can’t Hell stay where it’s at? Why does it always have to break loose?” she whined.

I tried to smile at her, but my mouth wouldn’t cooperate. I couldn’t tell her the truth, and I didn’t want to lie. “It just wasn’t working.”

“What are you talking about? You’ve been talking about forever with this guy.”

I looked up at the vent in the ceiling and then back to Beth. “It’s the only way I know how to save him.”

Beth grew quiet. “Save him from what?”

“Me.”

16. The Arrangement

“Just keep walking,” Beth said, coaxing me into class.

Jared stood against the wall beside the door. He didn’t speak or approach me; he only watched as Beth led me in. My chest ached at the exhausted look in his eyes. He hadn’t slept.

Day after day, Jared continued to wait at the doorway of any place necessary for me to enter. By the end of the week, I’d get a sick feeling in my stomach anytime I was coming or going. Sometimes he watched me walk past. Sometimes he kept his eyes to the ground, but he was always there.

The second week was more difficult than the first. Jared still waited for me in random places on campus, and my friends began to ask questions. Ryan guessed there was trouble and proceeded to grill me about the details. I was glad that he noticed it was too painful to discuss and let me suffer in silence.

Jared’s eyes darkened from midnight blue to black each time he saw Ryan walking happily beside me. It was unfair to let his worst fear play out in front of him, and I regretted not explaining to him the night I ended things that he would never have to suffer through that. I couldn’t be with someone else, knowing that I could never truly love him the way I should, least of all Ryan. He deserved someone’s whole heart, and I had left mine with Jared.

Ryan knocked on my door every day, several times a day, to visit or walk me to class, and I welcomed the company. It was easier to function when I was around him; he became my main distraction from all things Jared. Any obligation I felt for him had disappeared. As more time passed, I realized it wasn’t just him; I didn’t feel anything around anyone. I concentrated so hard on keeping Jared from sensing my grief that I felt numb most of the time.

By the second week of April, I had learned to keep my emotions in check. Kim, Beth, and I passed Jared on our way into the Ratty and as usual, but I couldn’t get quite past him without my eyes involuntarily glancing in his direction. When I did so, his eyes caught mine, and for the first time in a month, he reached out and firmly pulled my arm, bringing me just inches from his face.

Beth and Kim stood a few feet away. They didn’t protest, but they didn’t leave me alone. I assumed they thought they might get an insight on the strange situation with Jared if they stuck around to eavesdrop.

I stood in front of him, obstinately silent.

Jared scanned my face in confusion. He didn’t speak, so I took a step toward the door. He pulled me back.

His sweet scent floated around me, and my chest tightened. Feeling something other than hollow sent a wave of panic over me, and I lashed out at him. “What do you want, Jared?”

He winced at my acerbic tone. “I’ve been patient. I’ve given you space. It’s time we talked.”

I pulled my coat from his grip. “You haven’t given me space! You’re everywhere.”

“I thought maybe you’d break down and talk to me. This has to stop, Nina,” he said, working to stay calm.

“You’re right. This has to stop. You can do your job without being in my life. You’ve done it before.”

Jared pulled up my hand, viewing his ring still firmly in place. “If you don’t care about me, then why are you so adamant about keeping your promise?”

“It’s still a promise, no matter who it’s to,” I said, pulling my hand away. My wrist ached at the remaining warmth from his grip.

“That ring will be slightly inconvenient when you get married one of these days, don’t you think?”

“I can take it off if you’d like.” I shrugged.

Jared’s shoulders relaxed and the exhaustion set in. “Don’t act as if you’re not hurting over this.”

“I . . .” I should have lied to him and told him I was fine, but I couldn’t. The grief in his eyes was unbearable, so I retreated to the Ratty.

Jared’s hand shot out and grabbed the sleeve of my coat again, but this time I turned and jerked my arm down and away and then yanked the door open. Beth and Kim quickly followed.

I sat between Ryan and Tucker, quietly picking at my food.

“Nina, you don’t eat much anymore,” Ryan said. “You look as though you’ve lost some weight. I’m starting to worry about you.”

“I’m fine,” I mumbled.

He rolled his eyes and threw his French fry to his plate. “I know you’re fine. You’ve been fine for a month.”

“I’m fine!” All eyes in the room seemed to dart in my direction, looking for the source of the commotion. I stood and walked out, leaving my tray on the table.

I stormed past Jared and walked straight to my dorm, deciding to skip my afternoon class. Concentrating so hard on being void of any emotion took up so much of my energy that I tended to take naps more often than not. I rolled into a ball under my blanket and cleared my mind. Before long, I drifted off.

~*~

I awoke to a knock at the door. It was dark; I had been asleep for hours. My muscles felt heavy and congealed, so I waited for Beth to answer.

“Hey, what’s up?” she asked the visitor in a hushed voice.

“Is Nina here?” Ryan asked, peering around her.

“She’s sleeping,” Beth whispered.

“No, I’m up. Come in, Ryan,” I said.

Ryan stepped across the room, and I bounced when he plopped onto my bed. “You need to pull yourself together.”

“Shut up, Ryan,” I said, wiping the inevitably smeared mascara from my eyes.

He pressed his thumb gently under my eye to fix a place that I missed. “We’re going out. I want you to come with us.”

I shook my head. “No, thank you. I don’t—.”

“I know you don’t want to, Nina. You never want to do anything. But you need to,” he said, flattening the parts of my hair that were out of place. “I know things suck right now. I know you’re miserable, but maybe if he thinks you’re happy, he’ll back off.”

I looked up at him. “What?”

“I just meant that he’s probably hanging around because he’s worried about you. You look so unhappy. If he thought you were okay without him, maybe he’d let you live your life.”

I grabbed his shoulders, pulled him tightly to me, and then scrambled across the room to pull on my jacket.

“Walk with me,” I said, holding the door open.

He raised an eyebrow and stood up reluctantly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m perfect; let’s go,” I said, hurrying him out the door.

I pulled him along by his hand, dragging him to the parking lot. When we got to my car, Ryan paused. “We’re going somewhere?”

“Just get in.”

He didn’t move. “You’re weirding me out, Nigh."

“Please?”

“Will you tell me where we’re going first?”

“Some place we can talk. Just trust me,” I said, aware that I seemed completely insane.

“Nina, I trust you. I just think you’re not yourself these days.”

“If you trusted me, you would be in the car by now.” I slid into the driver’s seat and waited. After a few moments, Ryan opened the door and sat beside me. I smiled at him and touched his hand. “Thank you.”

Ryan offered a half smile and squeezed my hand, holding it tightly the entire trip to my parents’ home. When we pulled into the drive, he let go.

“Whoa,” he said under his breath.

I turned off the ignition and searched each window for any sign of Cynthia, but the house was dark. Ryan followed me up the stairs to my father’s office, and I closed the door behind him. He looked around, clearly nervous.

“Can we talk, now?” he asked. When I nodded, he let out a loud, frustrated sigh. “What the hell’s going on with you, Nina? I’m serious; you’re starting to worry me. I wish you would let me help you.”

I closed my eyes in relief and whispered as quietly as I could. “There is something you can do.”

Ryan leaned in, keeping his voice low like mine. “Just name it.”

I kept my eyes closed, cringing at my coming request. “It’s really, really selfish. It’s horrible. It’s the worst thing I could ask of you, but I think it’s the only thing that will work. It’s the only way he’ll move on.” I peeked up at him, already fearful of his response.

“This is about Jared?” he said.

I nodded.

“Okay, let’s hear it.”

“I . . .” Ryan’s hopeful expression made me hesitate. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it, even if he agreed.

“Nigh, don’t be a pain in the ass. Just say it,” he said, staring me down.

“I need you to date me,” I said, barely above a whisper.

Ryan’s face instantly compressed. “What? Why are you whispering?”

I ignored his last question. “I need you to date me. You know, take me on dates to the movies, eat lunch with me, walk me to class, and hang out with me in the evenings.” I forced a contrived smile. “I’ll pay.”

“You need me to date you,” he repeated in monotone.

“Jared has it in his head that you and I belong together,” I said. Ryan’s face morphed into suspicion. “Just trust me. That’s what he thinks, and the only way he would ever accept that I was moving on is with you. He said once that he would step aside if I chose you. It’s just for a few months—just until he gives up—and then you don’t have to do it anymore,” I begged.

Ryan chuckled, taking in my ludicrous idea. “I won’t have to do it anymore? You know this is better than anything I could have ever hoped for, right?”

“Ryan . . .” Afraid he would be offended and decide not to help me, I hesitated. “I have to be honest with you. We will always be friends. I care about you, but I can’t let you go into this thinking it’s going to end up being something more. We’ll just be pretending. I can’t . . . I don’t see myself being with anyone else. Ever.” I exhaled, glad that part of the conversation was over.

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Why go through the charade? Why not just get a protective order?”

I looked down to my hands. “He’s just following me around because he knows I still love him.”

Ryan didn’t expect my answer, and his nose wrinkled in response. “If you still love him, then why aren’t you with him?”

I crossed my arms. “Are you going to help me or not?”

“Josh is going to think I’m crazy.”

I shook my head. “You can’t tell anyone, not Kim, not Tucker or Josh, not your mom. If you tell anyone, even just one person, he’ll find out.”

“Is he FBI or something?” Ryan said, looking a bit creeped out. “What did you get yourself mixed up in, Nigh?

“Will you do it for me? I know it sounds crazy, and I know it’s a lot to ask, but you’re the only one who can help me,” I said, tugging desperately at his shirt.

“Pretend to be your boyfriend? Lie to all my friends? Let you break my heart when it’s all said and done?”

I nodded sheepishly.

“Sure,” he said, smiling.

I wasn’t sure if the tears came from the fact that Ryan had agreed to help me or that my plan would work, but I grabbed him and hugged him to me as if I needed him to breathe. He hugged me back and then pulled away, looking into my eyes.

“I’m going to regret this. I can already tell,” he said, smiling softly.

We drove back to Brown, and as we walked from the parking lot, Ryan took my hand. “If we’re going to do this, we should do it right, right? No one is going to believe us if we never touch.”

“Right.”

I struggled to keep my emotions in check as we walked down the halls of my dorm. Jared could see us, and I fought against the guilt I felt for hurting him. If I was going to fool him at all, I would have to concentrate on feeling comfortable and happy with Ryan.

We stopped at my door, and Ryan let go of my hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us tonight?”

After I nodded, Ryan leaned in and kissed the corner of my mouth. I let my feelings for him as a friend bleed through the awkwardness so Jared wouldn’t be tipped off. I smiled at him as he turned to walk down the hall.

~*~

Over the next few weeks, Ryan kept me busy going to the movies, meeting for lunch, and accompanying me to dinner. We spent time together every night and shared a table at breakfast every morning. He even began to forgo plans with his friends. Soon, everyone was convinced that we were having a not-so-secret relationship.

It was uncomfortable for both of us at first, but after the first week, we settled into our new roles. Ryan made a game of it, as he did everything else. We bet on how soon someone would ask us to announce our relationship and who it would be.

Our friendship grew stronger as the days passed, and I began depending on him for more than fooling Jared. Ryan anesthetized the pain, and it wasn’t long before I found myself making excuses to be around him.

The day finally came that I had bet that Kim would ask what our status was. I made a show of stretching my legs across Ryan’s lap.

“Cheater,” Ryan whispered, too low for anyone else to hear.

“Okay. Are you guys together or not?” Kim asked.

Ryan grinned at me, and I lifted all five of my fingers, reminding him that he owed me fifty bucks. Ryan shook his head at my gloating and then scanned the table. Everyone waited eagerly for the answer.

“Obviously,” he said as he rubbed my leg.

A broad smile spread across Kim’s face. “I knew it.”

Beth and Chad exchanged glances. I didn’t have to ask what was wrong because I already knew; she thought I was making a huge mistake.

“Well, that explains why you’ve been bailing on us every weekend,” Josh said.

“Why don’t we all go out Friday?” Ryan shrugged.

I shot a surprised look at him, and he smiled. Jared’s birthday was Sunday, and the only present I could give him was to spend the weekend alone.

“I have plans with my mom this weekend,” I explained.

Ryan reached out to rub my shoulder. “Not until Saturday, right, babe? We can go to the pub Friday.”

I held my breath to keep from lashing out at him. I couldn’t blow our cover by refusing to go to the pub, or it would look suspicious. Even worse, I couldn’t tear into him later because Jared would hear.

“So are you going?” Beth asked.

“It looks that way,” I said, trying not to glare at Ryan.

Leaving the Ratty, I noticed something was different. I had held my breath and braced myself for Jared to be outside the door, but Jared wasn’t in his usual spot. He wasn’t waiting for me at all. My eyes filled with tears. I had finally hurt him enough to push him away.

“What’s wrong, Nigh?” Ryan asked, touching my back.

I couldn’t speak. Jared had finally given in. I had won, and I had lost.

“Nina,” Beth said, bringing me under her wing like a mother hen. “Let’s go home.”

“Do you want me to come?” Ryan called after us.

“I’ve got her,” Beth waved him off as we continued walking.

When Beth closed the door, her expression morphed from sympathetic to incensed.

“Okay, you are going to tell me what’s going on, and you’re going to tell me now or so help me, I’m going to call Cynthia!”

While I contemplated whether I would lie or tell the truth, Beth stomped her foot.

“Nina!”

“I’m fine.”

Beth narrowed her eyes. “I know you’re fine. Everyone knows you’re fine. But you’re not fine! And what are you doing with Ryan? You look ridiculous!”

My head jerked up to meet her glare, acutely aware of the microphone in the vent. “We’ve been friends for months, Beth. I care about him and he cares about me. We’re just trying to see where it goes.”

“Liar,” she seethed, rolling her eyes. “You love Jared. I don’t know why he’s practically stalking youor why you won’t talk to him when it wassoobvious today that you miss him, but I know that you love him. And he loves you!” she said, the pitch of her voice rising with each point.

“You don’t know as much as you think you do,” I grumbled.

“Jared looks miserable, Nina. Don’t you care?”

I closed my eyes. “Can we please not talk about this?” I begged.

Beth sat beside me on my bed, her voice quiet. “You need to talk to someone.”

“The only person I can talk to about it is Jared, and I can’t talk to him.”

“Says who?” she asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

“Me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Right. Because you’re saving him.”

I shook my head and looked at her. “Why are you pushing this? I thought you liked Ryan.”

“I do. But you belong with Jared. It’s your happiness that I’m worried about, and you’re not happy right now. You are the absolute opposite of happy,” she said, touching my arm.

“I’m doing the right thing,” I said, wiping the tears. “I am.”

“How can it be the right thing when you’re so sad?”

For me, the discussion was over. I walked across the room to pull a pair of pajamas from the drawer.

“Nina, no. You’re not going to sleep. You sleep all the time. You’ve got to find another way to cope or just quit coping. Go to him.”

“Shut up, Beth.”

Beth’s attention was drawn to the knocking at our door. I walked over, pajamas in hand, and opened the door. Ryan’s hat was pulled low over his eyes so that all I could see was his perfect white smile and his deep dimple.

He thrust a small stack of papers at me and smiled. “I brought notes,” he said, pulling his hat up. “We have finals next week, you know.”

“Thanks,” I said, setting the papers on my desk.

“What are you up to this afternoon? You wanna go get some coffee?” he asked, his eyes fixating on the pajamas in my hand. “Oh, no, you’re not going to sleep.” With that, Ryan grabbed my pajamas from my hands and tossed them across the room.

“I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well last night,” I whined.

“You’re always tired. You need to get out in the sun. It’s a warm day. We could go hang out on the greens.”

I shook my head, trying to push away any memories that thought created.

Ryan’s eyes narrowed, and then his mouth broke into a smile. “That’s it. You and I are going downtown, wasting time driving around, and then I’m taking you to dinner.”

“I don’t think—”

“And then we’re going to the pub and getting smashed. You’ve had that kind of day,” he said, still grinning.

Beth looked up at us from her book. “She’s had that kind of month. I’ll call Chad. We’ll meet you there.”

“It’s a date,” Ryan said, wiping the mascara from under my eyes with both thumbs. “I’ll be back in an hour. I want you dressed for a night out on the town.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Is that a demand?”

“Yes. I’m a demanding boyfriend, and I demand that you have a fun-filled afternoon full of slogan games, boutiques, good food, and liquor. I’ll even make you get a manicure. Girls like that crap, right?”

“Oh! Can I go? I need a mani-pedi so bad!” Beth whined.

I shot her a dismayed look. “Are you serious?”

“I am so serious. Ryan and Chad can drop us off, go do boy things, and come back at dinner time. We can get polished and waxed, and I hate to say it, Nigh, but you need a makeover. I’m getting in the shower!” she said, grabbing her things.

“Beth—” I began, but she was already out the door. I glowered at Ryan. “I don’t feel like going out tonight.”

“Please?” he pleaded. He encircled me in his arms and swayed back and forth, pressing his cheek against mine. “One last hurrah before finals week? If you don’t have a good time, you can make me miserable for the rest of my life. Deal?” he asked, leaning me back until my hair touched the floor.

I had to smile. He was trying so hard to cheer me up. “Okay.”

A huge grin swept Ryan’s face, and he righted us both. “I’ll pick you up in an hour. See you soon,” he said as he disappeared down the hall.

Fifty-six minutes later, the door was under attack by loud, incessant knocking. When Beth swung the door open, Chad and Ryan were still knocking on it with both fists.

“It’s open!” Beth shouted over the banging.

“Don’t you look awesome!” Chad said, kissing Beth sweetly on the cheek.

“Aw, you know I love it when you use the big words,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around him.

Ryan stared at me.

“What?” I asked, looking down at my little black dress. “Too much?”

“No! No, it’s just . . . I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress. It’s nice.”

I shrugged. “I thought it’d make me feel better to dress up.”

“Did it?”

“I think so.” I smiled.

Ryan rolled down the windows of his black Toyota Tundra and cranked the radio to the first rock song he turned to. The boys sang along, but I still couldn’t understand the words. Beth and I giggled at the silly faces they made as they serenaded, amused, and sometimes bewildered pedestrians as we passed.

At the salon, Beth and I stepped out onto the sidewalk and waved as the Tundra disappeared around the corner.

“Those boys.” Beth shook her head before turning to me. “C’mon!” she said, yanking me inside.

I sunk into my seat as my hands and feet were brushed, scrubbed, filed, de-cuticled, polished, and lotioned. Beth prattled on to the nail techs about our plans for the night, how wonderful her boyfriend was, and her upcoming apartment hunt.

“You’re staying in Providence?” I asked, my eyebrows shooting upward.

She smiled. “Chad wants to get an apartment together. I didn’t want to say anything before with everything going on.”

“You didn’t want to upset me.”

Beth bit her lip and nodded.

“You could have told me, Beth. I think it’s fantastic,” I said, grabbing her hand.

“You do?”

“You two are amazing together. You don’t need to worry about me; I’ll be fine,” I said, squeezing her hand.

“Yeah, your being fine is exactly what I’m worried about,” she grumbled.

Two hours later, Ryan’s Tundra honked from the curb. Ryan opened the door for us and then hopped back in, turning the music down.

“Did you have a good time, babe?” he asked, kissing my cheek.

“Yeah, it was fun,” I answered.

“Well, you look gorgeous. I’m afraid to take you anywhere looking like that. I might have to fight somebody,” he said, winking.

“Quit it.” I smiled, rolling my eyes.

We arrived at the pub, and I could hear the music thumping from the street. I knew Kim had beaten us there, because it was her crazy music filtering through the door. When we walked in, our friends were already on the dance floor, arms up, bouncing around. Ryan grabbed my hand and led me to the middle of the floor, twirling me around.

In that moment, I was just like them. I was a normal college student, with my entire normal life ahead of me. I smiled and it felt natural. I drank shots, toasted to the Big Brown Bear, and hugged my friends. It was bittersweet freedom.

The music slowed and Ryan pulled me to him. We were both sticky from dancing, and I pulled the wet strands of my bangs away from my face.

Holding my hand up to the dim light, he smiled. “Those are some pretty nails you have there.”

“My boyfriend forced me to go to the spa today. He made me spend the afternoon with one of my girlfriends,” I teased.

“Really? He sounds like a great guy. If I were you, I’d hang on to him. He sounds like a keeper.”

I watched his face for a moment and then rested my cheek on his shoulder. Ryan wrapped his arms tighter around me and pressed his face into my hair.

“It wouldn’t be so bad, would it?” he whispered in my ear. “If we stopped pretending?”

I shut my eyes and remained silent.

We returned to the bar for another round of shots when I saw Kim heading outside, a cigarette already between her lips. I stumbled out behind her and raked my matted hair from my forehead as she flicked her lighter.

“Can I have one?” I asked, breathless and weaving.

“You want a cigarette?” she asked in disbelief.

I nodded, and Kim shrugged, pulling a stubby white stick from the small box she was holding.

I put the cigarette between my lips and flicked the lighter. Just as it sparked, Jared appeared in front of me with a disgusted look on his face.

“What are you doing?” He pulled the cigarette from my mouth, broke it in half, and threw it to the ground. “You don’t smoke.” He frowned in disapproval, and I shrunk back into Kim.

“You’re drunk, Ryan’s drunk, and I’m taking you home,” he said in a father-like tone.

I turned to open the door to the pub, but Jared grabbed my wrist. “Then let me call you a cab.” His voice lost its authority, and I winced at the pain in his voice.

Jared’s hand was the same warm blanket I remembered. After the number of drinks I’d had, I couldn’t hide my feelings. Jared’s eyes became animated in reaction.

He looked down to my hand and caressed my skin with his thumb. He had sensed the pensive feeling I’d had at his touch.

I pulled away. “You need to go.”

“I can’t let you go with him when he’s been drinking.”

“Ryan already—” I began.

“Jared,” Ryan said, bursting out of the bar. He nodded once at Jared and then looked at me and smiled. “Hey, babe,” he said, jerking me against him and planting his mouth on mine.

My eyes widened and then I clinched them shut, trying to cover the fact that I was taken off-guard. After a few seconds, he pulled away, looked into my eyes and then cupped my cheeks, kissing me again. I could tell by the way he held me that it was no longer for show. He had forgotten about our audience as he parted his lips, lightly touching his tongue to mine.

I pulled away and immediately watched for Jared’s reaction; his expression frightened me. I slowly moved to stand in front of Ryan.

“Jared,” I warned.

Jared’s breathing was uneven, and his eyes were raging storms. “Move out of the way, Nina.”

“She’s made her choice, Jared. It’s time you found someone else to—”

Jared lunged forward and then jerked back, held by two small hands.

“It’s time to go,” Claire said as her brother froze under her touch.

“Hey, Claire!” Ryan smiled, unaware of how close he was to another trip to the hospital.

Claire glanced at him with an uncomfortable expression, keeping firm hands on her brother. She seemed surprised that Ryan had acknowledged her.

The cab slowed to a stop beside us and honked. I backed up against Ryan, turning to push him to safety. Jared walked toward me, and for the first time, I felt safer knowing Claire was near.

“Nina?” Ryan called from inside the cab.

Jared stood just a few inches from me. “Don’t go home with him,” he begged, his face compressing inward. “You don’t have to do this. I’ll stay away; you won’t even know I exist. Don’t do something we’ll all regret just to push me away.”

Ryan poked his head out of the open door. “Who says she hasn’t already?” he asked, gripping my inner thigh.

Jared didn’t get far when he charged Ryan for the second time. Claire had kept her grip on him.

I wanted to tell Jared the truth: that he was the only one I’d ever wanted in that way and would always be the only one. But I couldn’t. He had just told me he would move on, and I had to let him.

“Come on, Jared. She’s not worth it,” Claire said, tugging on him.

Jared puffed as if the wind had been knocked out of him. “She’s worth it. She’s worth this a thousand times.” His eyes glossed over then, and he finally tore his stare away from mine to follow his sister.

I slid in next to Ryan, and he reached across me to shut the door. The cab ride seemed to take an eternity. I could hear Ryan chattering, but the look on Jared’s face had me spiraling into devastation so deep that it grew difficult for me to breathe. I rolled down the window and rested my head against the door, letting the icy wind burn my face.

“Hey? You okay?” Ryan asked.

I couldn’t answer. My heart was breaking; a real, physical pain radiated from my chest and throughout my entire body. Ryan put a gentle hand on my shoulder and pulled me against him. I expected to feel the comfort I always felt with him, but it only made me feel worse.

When we pulled into Brown, Ryan reached up to pay the driver and then stumbled from the cab. He twirled me a few times as we walked to Andrews, and when we reached the door, he pulled me to him.

“Goodnight,” he said, kissing my cheek. His lips brushed against my skin as he tightened his grip around me and took a few steps, prompting a slow, silent dance in the middle of the sidewalk.

“I should go in,” I whispered.

Ryan’s lips grazed my cheek and skimmed across my mouth. He sighed as he made his way to my other cheek and then kissed me again.

He took a few steps backward and grinned. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said, turning to disappear into the darkness.

With each step to my room, I tried to figure out where everything had gone so horribly wrong. I hadn’t set out to hurt anyone, yet every decision I made seemed to cause others pain. I pushed open the door and collapsed onto my bed.

Through the whiskey fog, I searched my past, trying to remember the exact moment that I’d made a mistake, where I could have made a better choice. If I had chosen to stay with Jared, no matter how sure he was, his family would be in danger. My choice to end things had left both of us in agony that didn’t seem to be subsiding. Persuading Ryan to engage in a fake relationship with me had only given Ryan false hope, and if it were even possible, I hurt Jared worse than I already had.

Beth’s key rattled the door knob. She walked in to our dark room, throwing her purse onto the bedside table.

“Nina?” she whispered. “Are you awake?”

“I thought you went to Chad’s,” I said, turning to face her.

She sat on my bed and placed her hand gently on my leg. “I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” The liquor helped to keep my voice even.

Beth was irritated with my calm demeanor. “We all saw what happened. Is Ryan insane?”

“He was just trying to make a point.”

Beth shot a disgusted glance at me. “What point would that be? That he has suicidal tendencies? Jared could have wadded him up like a piece of paper, and considering his state of mind, that was just really, really stupid.”

“I’m going to sleep. I have a lot to do tomorrow,” I said, settling against my pillow.

“Why are you so calm about this? I don’t understand you anymore, Nina. It doesn’t seem as though you’re thinking clearly.”

I smiled, my eyes closed. “I’m not thinking clearly. I’ve had a lot to drink.”

Beth shook her head. “You’re not acting like yourself. It’s as if you left the best part of you behind when you left Jared.”

“Thanks,” I snapped, turning my back to her.

“That’s not what I meant. I just meant  . . .” Beth sighed and then left without saying good-bye.

~*~

Sunday morning I woke up to the sound of the rain pelting against the window. I peered out, seeing Jared’s Escalade just down the street. My chest ached, knowing how hard it must have been for him to be alone on his birthday. I fantasized about bringing him a present or simply running out to hug him, but I could do neither. When I shut the door behind me from returning from the shower, there was a knock at the door.

“Just a minute!” I called, rushing to throw some clothes on.

I opened the door to Ryan’s smiling face, his hair dripping wet. “I was wondering if you wanted to take a drive?”

“Your truck is at the pub, Ryan.”

He smiled, wiping away the water that ran down his forehead from his hairline. “Josh took me to get it earlier. You wanna go?”

I shook my head. “It’s pouring outside.”

“So,” he stalled, shoving his hands in his pockets, “you wanna hang out here?”

I smiled apologetically. “I have a huge test tomorrow, first thing in the morning. I need to cram.”

Ryan shrugged again. “I can help you.”

“I have to do it by myself. You know how I am,” I said dismissively.

“Yeah, I just . . .” He sighed. “I can’t quit thinking about that kiss.”

“Oh.”

Ryan walked past me into my room. “I know what you said, but don’t you have any feelings for me at all? Can’t we stop pretending long enough to find out if I could make you happy? I could, you know, make you happy.”

Ryan’s mention of our arrangement caused me to glance up at the vent, but it didn’t matter. Jared saw right through me from the beginning.

“You do make me happy. I just don’t have anything left to . . .” I shook my head. “I can’t talk about this right now. I have to study,” I said, opening the door.

“Do you have plans for dinner?” he asked.

I hugged him. “No. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

It was the beginning of the end for us. Jared had agreed to stay away, and Ryan knew that our time was limited. He nodded and left my room, disappointed.

Studying was nothing less than impossible, knowing Jared was outside. I peered out the rain-streaked window again to see that Jared hadn’t moved. The urge to go to him became unmanageable, so I grabbed my keys and set out to take a coffee break off campus.

I drove just a few blocks to the nearest coffee shop and went in, ordering my usual. I took my time, lingering in the booth, watching different faces come and go. Fantasies of surprising Jared with a gift kept creeping into my thoughts, and I finally resorted to returning to my dorm.

As soon as I walked outside, I noticed Jared in my peripheral vision. His shirt was wet from standing in the rain, and I held my breath as I passed him. The circles under his eyes were dark, and his face appeared paler than his natural golden tone.

My feet refused to take another step. No matter what I had said, I still loved him. I couldn’t make him feel like a ghost on his birthday. I closed my eyes, knowing I would go against everything I had worked for in the last six weeks. I was at a crossroads, and I was about to deliberately take the wrong turn.

I turned on my heels and walked straight up to him. Jared watched me with wary eyes, obviously unsure of what to expect.

Although I had made strangers of us over the last weeks, it felt right be close to him again. I felt no awkwardness or tension, and I could see beyond his cautious expression that he felt the same.

I took a deep breath. “Happy birth—”

Before I could finish, Jared grabbed my shoulders and pulled me against him into a deep kiss. My lips melted against the familiar heat of his mouth, and as I breathed in his amazing scent, I felt a bit lightheaded. When Jared realized I wouldn’t pull away, he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against him, shamelessly taking advantage of the moment. Minutes passed, and I could hear the giggling of children and teenage girls as they walked by. When his lips finally left mine, he hugged me tightly and buried his face in my neck, taking in a deep breath through his nose. He caressed his cheek against mine for a few moments more and then finally released me.

He scanned my face for some sort of reaction. I wasn’t sure what expression was on my face, but Jared looked cautiously pleased.

“Day,” I finished, breathlessly.

His eyes were a few shades lighter than I’d seen them in weeks. I waited for a moment and allowed my lips to form a tiny smile before returning to my car.

“Nina?” Jared called.

I turned around, and a tired smile touched his face. “That’s all I wanted today.”

My heart sank at his words, and I wished the world would leave us alone so I could stay with him. The memory of Harry Crenshaw pressing a gun to Bex’s temple flashed in my mind, and I stiffened.

“Good-bye, Jared.”

17. Absolution

Finals week arrived. The little sleep I’d gotten before became nonexistent with the amount of studying and cramming I had to do. I studied with the group at the Rock every night, only to return to my room to read and memorize in solitude.

Ryan continued to pretend, walking me to lunch, to classes, and back and forth from my room. He was the perfect boyfriend; he opened doors, brought late night brain food, and he even rubbed my shoulders while quizzing me on study guides. A part of me wondered if he was trying so hard because he knew the end of the week meant the end of pretending and he hoped I would change my mind.

Beth and Chad found an apartment, and some of her things were already packed in boxes. A sad air befell the room when we were both in it, surrounded by cardboard. The walls looked empty and clinical without her teddy bears and tiaras displayed on the walls and ribbons dripping from the shelves.

Thursday night occasional cracks of thunder rattled the windows. The rain beat against the window in a heavy gust, and Beth sighed at her carefully highlighted textbook. I slammed my book shut and put a CD in the stereo, twisting the volume knob as high as it would go.

“What are you doing?” Beth yelled over the music.

I jumped up and down, holding my hands out to her. “It’s our last night as roomies, roomie! We’re sending you out in style!”

Beth giggled and stood up, grabbing my hands and shaking her hair to the beat as we bounced together. After a few songs, a loud banging resounded from the door. I shimmied over to open it, laughing when I saw Kim’s smiling face.

“Sounds like a party!” she yelled, holding up two six packs of cheap beer. “I come bearing gifts!”

“Woo!” Beth squealed. Her hair flapped about as she danced in her bare feet.

Before I’d finished my first can, another knock on the door revealed a rather wet and confused Ryan, who cringed at the volume of the stereo.

“What are you doing?” Ryan yelled. A wide grin stretched across his face as he watched us bounce.

“It’s our impromptu going-away party for Beth!” I yelled back.

“Cool! I’ll make phone calls!” Ryan exclaimed, pulling out his cell phone.

Within twenty minutes, our room was shoulder to shoulder with our entire study group, plus a few girls from down the hall who had wandered in out of curiosity. Kim and Tucker were jumping on Beth’s bed, and the rest of us were dancing and laughing.

By midnight, everyone except Beth, Chad, and Ryan had cleared out to study. Beth grabbed her purse and hugged me.

“Thank you so much! I needed that. It’s been so sad around here!”

“You’re welcome. I’m going to miss you terribly,” I said, jutting out my bottom lip.

Beth squeezed me until it was hard to breathe. “I’m going to miss you too. But we’ll still see each other, right?”

“Of course we will.” I smiled.

I waved good-bye to her and Chad and then sat on my bed, exhausted. As usual, any normal, content feelings I had left with the moment.

Ryan turned to see the look on my face. “What is it, babe?”

I smiled. “No one’s here, Ryan. You don’t have to call me that.”

“I don’t do it for other people,” he said, an amused grin spanning his face.

“Ryan,” I began. Knocking at the door provided a perfect excuse to postpone the inevitable. “Beth must have forgotten her keys.” I opened the door and gasped.

She wouldn’t have come unless something was horribly wrong. The adrenaline exploded through my bloodstream as I braced myself for what she might say.

“I need to talk to you,” she said.

“What are you doing here, Claire? Is it Jared?

She looked at Ryan and then back at me, and for the first time, she didn’t have a murderous expression on her face. “Alone.”

“I’m not leaving,” Ryan said, standing in front of me.

She rolled her eyes. “If I wanted to hurt her, Ryan, you standing there with your hands in your pockets wouldn’t do much in the way of a deterrent,” she said, looking back to me. “It’s important, Nina.”

I could feel my heart thudding against my chest wall. “What? He’s okay, right?”

“He’s at home. He finally agreed to get some sleep.”

“Oh.” The numbness came like second nature, and automatically an emotional wall surrounded me.

Claire frowned at my generic answer. “Oh? I can’t stand to see him like this anymore, and you’re the only one who can fix it. He’s been a mess since his birthday. He’s been a mess for weeks, but he’s been really bad since Sunday.” She looked to the floor, clearly disturbed by whatever image was in her head. “I think it’s finally hit him that you’re not going to change your mind.”

I found my focus again, grateful to Claire for the reminder. “He’s right.”

Claire looked at Ryan and then at me in disgust. “You two aren’t fooling anyone. Jared knows exactly what’s going on. It was a stupid idea, Nina. You’re putting him through hell for nothing. I could understand if you didn’t feel the same, but I know you do.”

I shook my head, the consequences to his family coming to the forefront of my mind. “I can’t.”

Claire’s face twisted into a heartbreaking expression, and I was taken aback when I saw her eyes gloss over.

“I’ve never seen him like this, Nina, not even when Dad died. I was hoping he would snap out of it, that after a while he would get over it, but he hasn’t. He won’t sleep, he can’t eat, and he’s forced to watch you ignore him every day. It’s torture,” she said, stubbornly wiping a rogue tear from her cheek.

“Stop it. I don’t want to hear anymore,” I said, closing my eyes.

Claire blinked the tears away and glared at me. “Well, that’s too bad. He has to live it; the least you can do is listen to it,” she said, pulling my arm toward her. Ryan took his hand out of his pockets and moved toward Claire. She pressed one hand against his chest and effortlessly pushed him against the door, holding him there. Ryan leaned forward, but he was helpless against her angel’s strength.

“Don’t hurt her,” Ryan said, glowering at Claire.

Claire took her eyes from me and glanced at Ryan, taking her hand from his chest. “I’m not going to hurt her. Stay out of it, Ryan.”

Ryan stood in place against the door and looked at me. “Nina?”

“It’s okay,” I assured him. “You have to go, Claire. Please, just go.”

“He’s broken, Nina,” she pleaded. “Don’t you see it? Don’t you care? The pain he’s going through is enough, but he has to feel your pain too. Can you imagine the pain you feel missing him, being without him, and wanting him doubled? He kept saying that you just needed space, that you would come around, but after Sunday, after you told him good-bye, it broke him.”

My resolve waivered, but I fought my weakness for Jared, knowing I was at another crossroads. I had to make the right decision.

She took a deep breath. “I know you think you’re atoning for Jack’s sins. But what you’re doing, Nina . . . It’s killing Jared. Nothing can be worse than watching him die a little more every day.”

I closed my eyes and the tears finally overflowed.

Claire looked down at her hands, her next words not coming easily. “It’s not your fault we lost our father, Nina.”

I pursed my lips and then sucked in a deep breath. “I couldn’t look him in the eye if it happened again.”

“Keeping my family safe isn’t your job. It’s Jared’s and it’s mine. And I’m very, very good at my job. You can’t keep making him suffer because you’re afraid to repeat Jack’s mistakes.” Her eyebrows pulled in. “It’s not a good enough reason to break his heart.”

Ryan watched both of us, confused by the exchange.

“Time will make it easier,” I whispered.

“Time will make it worse!” she snapped, disgusted at my suggestion. “You’re his Taleh, Nina, the other half of his soul. He’s never going to get over you. And no matter how much you hope that you will, you’ll never get over him. You’re going to wake up one day and realize what you’ve done, and you’re going to regret the time you wasted apart from him for the rest of your life.” A tear careened down her perfect cherubic cheek, and she left it there, too intent on convincing me to save her brother.

I felt my face crumple. I knew she was right.

Ryan’s hand lightly touched my back. I looked at him, and although his eyes were full of hurt, he smiled.

“Go,” he said.

I smiled at him and began to speak, but he simply shook his head, hugged me tightly, and walked out the door.

I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath.

“You’re coming with me?” she asked.

I nodded, and for the first time, I saw Claire’s face light up. She threw her arms around me, hugging me a little too tightly.

“Come on!” She pulled me by the hand down the hall, unable to contain her triumphant smile. I had to jog keep up with her.

I squinted, recoiling from the remnant rain of the departing thunderstorm. The Lotus chirped when she clicked the keyless entry, and I slid in beside her, wiping the water from my arms.

“What about Ryan?” I asked.

“Bex is home,” Claire smiled. She slammed the gearshift into place, and we peeled away from the curb, the engine growling as she soared toward Jared’s loft.

We didn’t speak; I fumbled with my ring and tried to imagine Jared’s reaction when I showed up unannounced.

Claire pulled beside the curb behind the Escalade. I took a deep breath and opened my door with shaking fingers.

Jared was already standing in front of the loft under the light of a street lamp, looking exhausted and confused. He tore his eyes away from mine for just a moment to look at Claire, who stood with her door open on the other side of the car.

“Is she okay?” he asked Claire.

Claire only offered a smug smile.

He looked back at me with concern. “Did Claire force you to come here?” he asked, warily.

I shook my head, afraid to speak. His wasn’t the reaction I expected.

“I don’t understand,” he said, his eyes darting back and forth between Claire and me. “What are you doing here? Did something happen?”

Claire smiled. “Don’t make her beg, Jared. Just take her back.” With that she ducked into her car and pulled away.

Jared’s face darted back to mine. “W-What?”

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

Jared stared at me, his light blue T-shirt transparent from the rain.

I realized that Claire had a point to what she’d said to her brother. “I will beg.” I nodded, taking a step toward him. “I don’t deserve forgiveness, I know, but I was hoping . . .” I sighed and shook my head. Nothing I could say would be enough.

“You came here to beg me back?” Jared asked, bewildered.

“Or humiliate myself by babbling incoherent nonsense in the rain.” I laughed nervously. Thunder rolled in the distance, and I pulled my arms around me, chilled by wet clothes.

Jared took a few steps toward me and stopped. He watched me for a moment, though I wasn’t sure what he was searching for.

“This was a bad idea. I should have called.” I fidgeted, feeling more embarrassed by the second.

“You came here to apologize?” Jared asked again, taking a few more steps.

The humiliation boiled the blood under my cheeks. “I made a mistake, a huge, horrible mistake, and I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”

He stared at me in disbelief, and I shifted nervously, worrying that I had hurt him beyond forgiveness.

I took another step. “You were right. I was afraid they would hurt your family, trying to get to me. But to save them, I hurt you. I don’t expect you to trust me again, but I am so, so sorry. I love you, Jared, and if I’ve learned anything over the past weeks, it’s that no matter what happens I’ll love you the rest of my life.”

Jared watched me prattle on with an indiscernible expression on his face.

I bit my lip; the suspense of his answer was insufferable. “Please say something.”

Jared took a few more steps until he was only inches from me. The rain dripped off his chin and nose as he looked down at me. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he said, cupping my cheeks in his hands as if he were holding his most precious possession. “And I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.”

He didn’t waste a second longer. He pressed his lips against mine, and I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. My feet left the ground, and the rain disappeared as Jared whisked me into the loft and up the stairs, his feet barely touching the steps.

In seconds, his mattress was beneath me. Caution was nonexistent; Jared’s mouth begged mine to open as his lips worked impatiently against mine. My lips parted as my knees did, and Jared’s hand grabbed my thigh and pressed upwards, taking my skirt as he went. He reached back to lift his shirt over his head, and I dug my fingers into the lean muscles of his back.

Jared rocked against me, sending adrenaline racing through my body. His lips found their way to my waist, and his kisses ran up the midline of my stomach as he pushed my tank top up and over my head. His breathing grew uneven as he hovered above me, watching me slowly pull the straps of my bra from my shoulders. I arched my back to unsnap the clasps behind me, and he tenderly kissed my lips as he pulled the straps from my arms and tossed the lacey fabric to the floor.

He clutched the hem of my skirt and panties, pulling them down until they were lost somewhere in the mangled sheets. I sighed as he pressed his bare chest against mine, kissing my neck while I reached down to pull his belt from the loops. Jared moaned as I ripped open the top button of his jeans and shoved them down over his hips. He used his feet to push them past his ankles, and I heard them drop to the floor at the end of the bed.

Jared paused to look into my eyes for a long moment, and his fingers glided down my face and neck.

“I guess no one is going to interrupt tonight,” I said.

The corners of his mouth turned up, and he slowly shook his head.

The grin faded to a serious, focused expression, and he leaned down to kiss my lips. Jared took a deep breath in through his nose, and his body tensed as he pressed himself inside me. I clinched my eyes shut and involuntarily turned my head away, feeling pain and pleasure at the same time. My insides blazed as his lips brushed against the skin just in front of my ear.

“Are you okay?” he whispered breathlessly.

I nodded and pulled his mouth to mine; we were finally close enough. My hands slid down his neck to his shoulders, and I dug my fingers into his flesh at the intense pleasure searing through my body. A quiet groan escaped his lips as he tensed again. I felt his hands encapsulate my calves and slide down to my ankles, pulling my legs up and around, crossing my legs behind his back.

His tongue tasted the inside of my mouth as he pressed himself gently inside me, and I tensed with unadulterated bliss at every movement he made. My senses were overwhelmed to the point where I couldn’t think straight, so I couldn’t imagine what he must have felt. With his scorching chest against mine and his hips pressing over and over into my thighs, I couldn’t help but sigh as I said his name. He groaned in response as his lips eagerly searched my skin from lips to collar bone. The hours passed as minutes, and the minutes as hours. I had no concept of time; I had no need for it. That moment was all I’d ever wanted, and I never wanted it to end.

~*~

I awoke on my stomach, sprawled across Jared’s bed with nothing on but the sheets tangled around my waist. I peeked over at Jared, who was on his side, watching me with a sweet expression.

“Good morning,” he crooned.

“Did you get any sleep? I asked.

Jared chuckled. “Five hours. The longest I’ve slept since I was a kid.”

I smiled and leaned over to kiss his lips. My body felt stiff and relaxed at the same time, and my muscles ached in a wonderful way.

He touched my face. “You were sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to wake you, but your last final is in ninety minutes.”

“Oh!” I scrambled off the bed with Jared’s sheet twisted around me, and I held it to my chest as I shuffled to the bathroom. I stopped in my tracks, flipped around, and returned to the bed, planting a ridiculously long kiss on his lips.

“I love you!” I called back as I ran to the bathroom to get in the shower.

Everything felt different: the water, the soap, my skin. I couldn’t stop smiling as I recalled the events of the night before. My fingers were starting to prune when I heard a soft knock on the door.

“Better get a move on, sweetheart.”

I shut off the water and rushed through my morning routine.

“Claire brought my clothes this morning?” I guessed, trotting down the stairs.

Jared smiled, standing by the door with my coffee. “She dropped them off at the door.”

I kissed his lips as I passed, and he followed me to the Escalade.

I made it to my desk just as the professor began passing out tests. It was difficult to concentrate; my mind wandered to Jared’s lips—and other parts of his body—and the fact that we had the entire summer to make up for lost time.

I was the last person to finish, and when I handed in my paper, the professor added it to the thick pile, nodding politely.

“Enjoy your summer, Miss Grey.”

“Oh, I will,” I said, smiling when I saw Jared standing in the doorway.

When we pulled to the curb in front of the loft, he turned off the key and sat in his seat, keeping my hand in his.

“I feel as if I should apologize to you for last night,” he said, kissing my fingers.

“Why?” I asked.

Jared shifted in his seat. “It wasn’t exactly planned. I feel as if I ambushed you.”

“That’s the kind of ambush I don’t mind.” I smiled, leaning over to kiss him. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”

Jared cautiously smiled. “You’re okay, then?”

“I’m better than okay. I’m looking forward to the next ambush, actually.” I leaned over to kiss his neck, making my way to his ear.

Jared chuckled. “We might not leave the loft for the rest of the summer with you behaving like that.”

“That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?” I whispered, grazing my tongue along the edge of his ear.

“When do you plan to move your things from Andrews? Your mother is expecting you home this weekend. I have quite a bit of work to do, taking down the tech from your room, the hall . . .” he trailed off, distracted by my mouth on his ear.

I pulled back and stared at him for a moment. Before I could verbalize the ingenious idea that popped into my head, a broad smile spread across my face.

“What?” he asked, smiling as well.

“Since we’re moving my things, why don’t we just bring them here?” I said, searching his eyes for a reaction.

Jared’s eyebrows shot up in shock. “You want to move into the loft?”

I shrugged, unsure what his reaction meant. I wasn’t exactly confident that the offer was still open. “If it’s okay.”

“If it’s okay? Do you know how happy you just made me?” he said, scanning my face with unconditional devotion in his eyes.

“So that’s a yes?”

Jared laughed out loud, shook his head, and then kissed me enthusiastically. “That is a definite, without a doubt, absolutely yes.”

I giggled with excitement as Jared pulled me over to his lap, kissing me with every bit of the joy that I felt. In the course of just twelve hours, the last six weeks dissolved as if they’d never happened. Before the nightmare had ended, we’d gotten our miracle. It had turned out that it was up to us all along.

We spent the rest of the weekend moving boxes and small pieces of furniture. Jared insisted on doing most of the lifting, and I hummed along with the stereo as I unpacked my things. We seemed to only get a few boxes unpacked at a time before we were celebrating my homecoming upstairs, only to come downstairs, unpack a few boxes, and start the process over again.

After a heated weekend inside, Jared decided that we should get some fresh air. Monday morning I walked outside to perfect weather. The air smelled of freshly cut grass and sunshine. I lifted my head towards the cloudless sky, closing my eyes and smiling as the sun filtered through my eyelids.

Jared climbed onto his Vulcan and smiled. “Lillian wanted me to ask you to dinner. Before you say anything,” he hedged, seeing my shocked expression, “she suggested we meet in a restaurant. She doesn’t want you to feel obligated, but she would like to see you again. She misses you.”

I sighed. “How can she miss me? I assumed the undeserved partial treatment would end after she heard what happened.”

Jared tucked my hair affectionately behind my ear. “She knows what you’re going through, and you’re the only one who knows what she went through. You have a lot in common.”

“We don’t have to go to a restaurant. She can come to our place or we can go over there. I’m not afraid.”

Jared’s eyes poured over my face, wearing a perfectly content expression.

I raised an eyebrow. “What?”

His eyes turned soft. “Our place.”

He started the engine, and I slipped on my sunglasses, climbing on behind him. The summer air whipped around us as Jared flew down the streets, and I pressed my cheek against his back, feeling happier than I ever had.

We came to a stoplight, and Jared rested his hand on my knee. “We can get the rest of your things from Cynthia’s in the morning. And if you want to get some paint, we can do that too,” he said, trying too hard to sound casual.

I peered around to see his face. “And why do we need paint?”

Jared shrugged. “The loft doesn’t exactly scream cohabitation. If you want to make it your own, we can get you what you need.”

“Aw!” I lilted, making Jared cringe and shake his head.

I tightened my grip and then rested my forehead on his back. He stiffened, and I raised my head to see what had caused him to tense. Samuel stood in front of us, massive and dark as night. His arms were crossed over his chest, making him seem even more ominous. I cowered behind Jared, my heartbeat pounding in my chest.

“Hello, Nina,” Samuel spoke. His expression seemed to soften, but his features were so severe it wasn’t as comforting as he might have meant for it to be.

“You must have news,” Jared said.

“I do,” Samuel said, breaking his stare from me. “Shax has received information that Jack had the book secured in a bank that you and Nina alone have access to.”

“This is bad,” Jared said in a low, portentous tone.

“They also know that Nina’s ring has a code embedded in it that they need. There is talk, Jared. They’ll be coming for her soon.”

Jared sat for a moment, lost in thought. His head jerked up to look at Samuel. “Not if we give it to them.”

“Jared!” I cried.

He turned to me and touched my face. “Nina, I don’t know why Jack stole the book, but it’s not worth your life.”

“You’re assuming Shax will stop once he has the book,” Samuel said, his voice matching his frightening features.

“How did they come into this knowledge?” Jared growled.

“How else?” Samuel narrowed his eyes. “Humans.”

I began to ask Samuel what he meant, but just as before, the space he occupied lost any memory of him.

Jared revved the engine and flew to the loft. He dismounted and pulled me off the seat, barely letting my feet touch the ground before pulling me up the stairs.

He kicked the door shut and held my shoulders. “I’m going to figure this out, Nina. No one’s in danger. I’m going to end this, okay?” His words were so fast they blurred together, and his eyes were stormy and tense.

“Okay,” I said, wrapping my arms around him and kissing his lips.

He watched me warily when I pulled away. “Okay?” he asked.

I touched his face lightly with my fingertips. “I couldn’t stay away from you even when I thought I had to. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Jared’s eyes turned soft, and he lifted my hand with his ring still in place. “And you keep your promises.”

18. Shax

The next morning I awoke in the same state I had the five days before: tangled in sheets, muscles aching, eyes tired, stomach hungry, and everything else in an utter state of bliss.

Jared tightened his arms around me as I stretched. “Why don’t you go back to sleep?” he said, kissing my neck.

I slid my bare leg over his hip. “Why would I want to waste time sleeping when you’re awake?”

He grinned as he ran his hand up my thigh. “Because you’re human, and you need more than two hours of sleep a night. Not that I’m complaining, I just need to quit being so selfish and make sure you get to sleep earlier than six a.m.”

“Don’t you dare!” I yawned.

“You’re hungry. I’ll make breakfast,” he said, pushing himself off the bed.

After a long shower, I dressed and trotted down the stairs. I grabbed the newspaper and sat at the table with my coffee, freezing mid-sip as I saw the headline.

Local Banker Found Dead, Mutilated

“Jared?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?” he replied, distracted by the pan of eggs in front of him.

“Have you seen this morning’s paper?”

“Not yet, what’s up?” He turned when he felt my fear as I read over the article.

I swallowed nervously before meeting Jared’s eyes. “James Stephens from the bank, the man who let us into the vault, he was found dead yesterday.”

I handed the paper to him and watched his eyes scan over the words.

“What does it mean, Jared?”

Jared’s irises were clear and his features smooth. “He must have been one of the humans Samuel was referring to. I would have to see the body to be sure if it was Graham or . . .”

I nodded, realizing where he was getting at.

“Oh, no,” Jared said.

“What?”

Jared handed the paper back to me, pointing to what he’d read.

Local Jeweler Robbed, Assaulted

Police Say String of Crimes Coincidence

“Vincent!” I said, looking up at Jared. “Do you think he’s okay?”

Jared’s eyes darkened a shade. “It just says assaulted, so I’m assuming he’s alive,” he said, sitting in the chair beside me.

I fidgeted. “What do we do?”

Jared shook his head, sliding his fingers in between mine. “You and I will get the book, and then I’m going to return it to Shax.”

“You mean we’re going to return it to Shax,” I said, squeezing his fingers between mine.

Jared shook his head. “I’m sorry, Nina; it’s too dangerous.”

“Jared.” The fear choked off my objections.

Pulling me into his lap, Jared shrugged his arms around me. “Nina, I’m going to take care of this. Claire will stay here with you. I promise you’ll be safe.”

I pressed my cheek against his and closed my eyes. “What about you? Isn’t that like walking behind enemy lines?”

“I have something he wants. As long as you’re here, safe, I’ll be fine. Trust me?” he said, holding me at arm’s length to search my eyes.

“I do. Just be careful.”

“Oh, I’ll be careful. I’ve got plans for you.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “Your eggs are getting cold. I’m going to call Claire and get this over with.”

Claire walked through the door less than an hour later, her casual expression matching Jared’s. She also seemed significantly more relaxed around me, even smacking me on the backside when she walked by.

“We’re going to have fun, Nina. I brought movies.”

My face slowly morphed to disgust. “Movies? You think I’m going to be able to watch a movie while Jared is in a room full of demons?”

Claire rolled her eyes, and a smirk sharpened her features. “Don’t you know what Jared is capable of? I’m not worried. You shouldn’t be, either.”

Jared’s mouth turned up a bit, shoving a handgun in the back of his jeans. “You’re overdoing it, Claire.”

Claire shot an expression of chagrin at her brother, and they traded glances.

“She doesn’t want me to freak out and leave again,” I said. I looked at the floor and then back at her. “You’re stuck with me, Claire.”

She pulled one side of her mouth into an appreciative smile. “Good. Because I’d just track you down and bring your butt back here.”

Jared walked toward me and kissed my forehead first and then my lips. “You ready?”

My fingers involuntarily gripped his jacket. “What if they’re waiting for us at the bank?”

“Then I’ll protect you. Claire is coming with us. If anyone should be afraid, it’s Graham and his men.”

My body felt rigid from the moment we stepped out of the door into the alley. Jared kept my hand in his until we pulled up to the front entrance of the bank. With Claire on one side of me and Jared on the other, we walked inside and across the lobby. An older gentleman in a dark suit and tie approached us.

“May I help you?”

“Yes, we will be retrieving our effects from the vault downstairs,” Jared said.

“Er, c-can I have your name, sir?” he stuttered, anxiously tapping the ends of his fingers against each other.

“Jared Ryel. Is there a problem?”

“No. No, sir, there’s no problem. I’d be glad to help you.”

Jared’s eyes swept the room, and I noticed Claire was on alert as well. They kept close, both of them in contact with my arms as we walked. Just before the elevator opened to the sub-floor, I noticed a break in Claire’s breathing. It was completely silent for a fraction of a second until the doors slid open to a large empty room.

Claire quietly exhaled and Jared gripped my arm, cautiously pulling me forward. We went through the tedious procedure to gain access to the vault while Claire nonchalantly glanced around the perimeter. Her ice blue eyes would miss nothing.

“You put the paper in the safe, Jared,” I whispered. “We don’t know the combination.”

“I know it,” he said, shoving the key into the lock.

I looked over at Claire, whose eyes focused on the closing vault. Once it closed, she looked up and slowly scanned the ceiling.

“What is it, Claire?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she murmured. “Something.”

Jared kept the book under his arm on the return trip to the loft. He escorted me to the end of the alley and then leaned down to kiss me good-bye. Before our lips touched, he looked up as if he sensed something around us.

“I should go. It’s already attracting them.”

I clutched his jacket. “I don’t want you to go alone.”

“Claire needs to stay here with you. I can’t leave you unprotected.”

“What about Bex? Can’t he stay here with me?” I asked, searching his face as my mind raced to find an alternative.

“Bex is with Lillian,” he said. I immediately understood his indicative reply; he was covering all the bases.

“Jared,” I said, tightening my grip.

He pulled me to him. “If we wait much longer, they’ll come to us, and we don’t want that. This is our only option.”

I leaned back and closed my eyes, shaking my head. “There has to be another way. There has to be.”

Jared cupped my jaw and his thumb brushed my cheek. “As long as your heart is beating, so is mine.”

I tried to forge a brave expression on my face. “I love you.”

Jared’s eyes grew soft, and the corners of his mouth moved upward. “I love you. I’ll see you soon.”

Claire gently rested her warm hands on my shoulders as we watched him pull from the curb and then disappear around a corner down the street.

I felt my insides wrench. “Tell me he’s going to be all right.”

Claire turned me to face her and grinned. “I wasn’t overdoing it, earlier. He will come back. And if they piss him off, he’ll come back with a few demon notches in his belt. Jared doesn’t know how to fail.”

We walked upstairs, and I sat on the couch, trying to relax so Jared wouldn’t be distracted by my fear.

Claire sat beside me, fidgeting.

“You want to watch a movie?” she asked.

I slowly turned my head toward her in disbelief.

“You want to watch TV?” she asked, leaning over to grab the remote from the coffee table.

“No,” I snapped.

Claire blew her bangs from her face and sat quietly beside me for a while. After a long, awkward silence, she took in a deep breath of air.

“I was a daddy’s girl,” she mused. “When we used to go on vacations, tagging along with your family, of course, I’d get so jealous when my dad would compliment you or even mention your name. When he would be away with Jack, I would get so angry that you were spending time with him instead of me. My mom would try to explain, but I was a little girl who would rather be with her dad than at an amusement park, so I refused to even try to understand.”

Claire’s eyes darkened. “When Jack died, I hated him.” She swallowed. “When my father started feeling weak just an hour later, I hated you. My dad was an Archangel. I never thought I would lose him. He was lying there, fading away, and all I could think about was that I had all of this strength, this speed, and this intelligence. I was built to be a savior, and I couldn’t save my own father.

“As hard as it was for me, Jared took it harder. When Dad took his last breath, I thought Jared was going to die with him.” She closed her eyes and a tear fell down her cheek.

“I was angry with him at first. I felt betrayed that he went to you. Now I see that he didn’t have a choice. You were the only hope he had left. You were the only one who could make sense of his purpose for existing, and he needed you. He needed to know that our lives were worth something. I can see that now, and I’m glad you have each other.”

I didn’t realize my mouth was open until she looked at me with wet eyes and chuckled.

She scooted closer. “I shouldn’t have hated you. My father loved you like family, and it was just as important to him to keep you safe as it was any of us. It didn’t mean he loved me any less; I know that now. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you.”

I wanted to hug her, but thought better of it. To my surprise, she clasped my hand between hers.

I shook my head. “I owe you for so much—for the time away from your father, for my life, for Jared. You don’t owe me anything.”

A warm smile spread across Claire’s face, and she squeezed my hand. “So we’ll start over.”

I started to speak, but her eyes widened, and in the same second she stood with her back to me. I peeked around her to see the door slowly open, and for one fleeting moment I expected Jared to walk in.

But it wasn’t Jared.

A man in a charcoal-gray suit and tie strolled in through the door, looking around as if he were appraising the loft. When he smiled at me, Claire’s hands balled into fists at her sides, and her knuckles turned white under the pressure of her grip.

He was extraordinarily handsome with gleaming white teeth and black hair perfectly trimmed and slicked back. At first glance, he seemed benign, but I recoiled when his black eyes bored into mine.

“How wonderful to see you, Claire,” he spoke, a low hissing sound underlying his voice.

Claire reached down and gripped my shirt in her fist, slowly pulling me up behind her. “You just missed Jared, Shax.” Claire said.

My blood ran cold. A Duke of Hell was standing just feet from me in my home. I gripped Claire’s arm, and she reached around to pull me against her back, slowly sidestepping until we were standing exactly between the kitchen and the front door. Shax watched us shift with his shark’s eyes, as if he were alert to our every breath.

“Jared is looking for me?” he said, dropping his chin to look straight at Claire. “How interesting.”

The iron stairs clanged with heavy footsteps, and five men encroached upon the doorway. Shax took a few casual steps forward as the men positioned themselves in a half-circle behind him. I dug my fingers into Claire’s arm when I saw a familiar pair of eyes. It was Graham.

“Nina.” He nodded with a smug smile.

“You take one step near her, and you’re a dead man,” Claire seethed.

A wicked smirk twisted Shax’s mouth. “Now, now, Claire. That’s no way for a young lady doing His work to behave.”

“What do you want, Shax?” Claire snapped.

The demon looked down, and then his eyes shot up to target me from under his thick black eyebrows. “I think we all know what I want, Claire. Nina’s father took something from me.” He tilted his head and stretched his long neck. “It’s quite an embarrassment for a thief to be stolen from—especially the greatest thief that’s ever lived.”

Claire laughed without humor. “You’ve never lived, Shax. It’s nice to see that you’ve developed some humility.”

“I want the ring, Claire,” he hissed.

“You don’t need the ring. Jared has your stupid book.”

Shax’s beady eyes narrowed. “Where is he?”

Claire shrugged, slowly pushing me back as she took a half-step forward. “He took it to you. I’m sure he’s in your building as we speak.”

“Why would he do that?”

“He didn’t want a filthy demon for a house guest,” Claire growled.

Shax eyed me with curiosity. “Or was he trying to avoid us coming near his Taleh? I understand he’s fallen in love with her. How precious.”

“You can leave now,” Claire said, more of a demand than an offer.

Shax’s crooked mouth pulled up into a half-smile. “Thank you, Claire. We were just on our way out, and we’ll be taking Nina with us. Jack owes me that.”

“And I owe Jared one,” Graham said with a smirk.

“I’ll rip out your throat before I’ll let you touch her!” Claire snarled. The guttural sound that came from her throat when she spoke was frightening.

Graham signaled his men, and they walked cautiously past Shax. Claire gestured behind her for me to stand back as she crouched slightly, set to defend me. One of the men lunged at her so quickly that I missed some of her movements; she incapacitated him without effort. The second man tried to swing at her, but she jerked to the side just as two other men rushed from the side. I took a few more steps back as I watched her head butt one of the men, blood spattering in the air, and then strike another in the throat with her fist. The man made a horrific gurgling noise before falling to the ground.

Just as Claire turned to face Shax, Graham pulled out a gun and held it to Claire’s forehead. She froze.

“I was just going to take Nina, but I think it would better settle the score if he came home to see your sweet face blown away and a little note to let him know we’re violating his girlfriend in a hundred different ways before we kill her.”

I felt my legs disappear, and I reached back to steady myself against the table as Graham gave me a lewd once-over with his eyes.

Claire smirked. “You’ll fit right in where Jared’s going to send you, Graham.”

Graham cocked his weapon, and I felt a solitary tear seep from my eye and trickle down my cheek. Time passed in slow motion as I looked at Graham’s arrogant expression and then back to Claire. The scene was surreal: full-grown men sprawled on the floor in pools of their own blood and tiny Claire, a fair-haired teenaged-girl moments away from execution. I held my breath as I watched her slowly close her eyes and wait for the bullet to leave its chamber.

In the same second that Graham’s finger pressed against the trigger, Claire’s body blurred. The bullet from his gun whirred past me and into the tile above the stove, and Claire rammed her elbow in Graham’s face, sending blood exploding from his nose. The blow sent him flying through the air, landing at Shax’s feet. Graham sat up on his knees, teeth gnashing in pain. The blood pooled in his palms and dripped through his fingers onto the floor.

“Enough!” Shax commanded.

Claire immediately backed up against me. She turned her head slightly, still keeping her eyes on Shax. “I’m going to hold him off, Nina. You’re going to have to run. Jared will find you,” she whispered.

“You think you can hold me, Claire? You’re nearly human.”

Claire smiled. “Maybe so, Shax, but my angel side can still kick your ass.”

Shax wasn’t amused. He crouched in preparation to attack, and a strange snarl emanated from his chest. Inside his throat, a screech and an animalistic growl intertwined. It was the most terrifying sound my ears had ever experienced. The demon’s black irises bled into the whites of his eyes, and I braced for impact.

As if I had blinked and missed a second of time, a dark massive figure stood between us and Shax. Claire’s body relaxed, and she maneuvered us around him, bringing Shax back into view.

Jared stood in the doorway, glowering at Shax with a lethal expression. Sensing my fear and relief, his attention broke to me and instantly he was at my side, pulling me from Claire’s grip to the safety of his arms.

Shax was cautious in the Archangel’s presence. “The book is mine, Samuel!” His sinister eyes were wild and shifted between each of us like a cornered animal.

Samuel tossed the book at the demon’s feet, just beside Graham. “Take your blasphemous book and leave from here. In the name of the Most High, I will end your existence if you come near this family again, foul beast!” Samuel bellowed, his voice shaking the walls.

Shax recoiled from the command of the Cimmerian and backed slowly out the door, hissing at his injured minions to follow.

Graham smiled at me with bloodstained teeth. “I’m going to see you again soon, baby doll.”

Jared lunged at him, but Samuel held his hand to Jared’s chest. “Let them go,” he ordered.

Jared watched Graham, reluctantly allowing him to retreat with his wounded partners. Claire stood at the entryway and made sure they were gone before she closed the door.

“Has anyone told you that you have excellent timing?” Claire asked, smiling at her brother.

“Once or twice,” Jared said.

Claire ran towards Samuel at full speed, leaping up to wrap her arms around him, her legs dangling two feet from the ground. I jumped at the sudden movement, but when Samuel hugged her and a wide smile flashed across his face, I sighed in relief.

“I think you missed your calling, little girl. You were meant to be Cimmerian.” He chuckled.

Claire giggled and squeezed his neck. “I’m half human, so it evens up the odds, Sam. If I were Cimmerian, you’d be out of a job.”

Samuel bellowed a laugh and shook his head. “And you accuse Shax of lacking humility!”

Jared turned to me. “Are you all right?”

I didn’t want to lie, so I remained silent.

Jared pulled me into his chest and kissed my hair. “It’s over.”

“Not according to Graham,” Claire said after Samuel set her on her feet.

“It’s over,” Jared said in a firm voice.

Claire wiped the blood from the floor and straightened the furniture. She skipped about, the confrontation and victory making her a tad giddy. I watched her as she hummed an indistinct tune while she cleaned.

An hour later, Claire said her good-byes to drive to Ryan’s hometown as the sky outside faded to deep blue. The loft was as before: the furniture in place, the broken glass hidden in the trash, the blood mopped up, and the red stained rags thrown away.

“Are you hungry?” Jared asked, poking his finger through the bullet hole above the stove. I shook my head, and Jared turned to face me. “No?”

I shook my head again.

“Nina,” he chided. “You’ve barely said a word since I’ve been back. Are you sure you’re okay?”

I closed my eyes. “I’m fine.”

“It’s normal to be afraid. Talk to me.”

“Just don’t leave me again. Okay? Claire was prepared to defend me with her life, but I was so scared, Jared. I was so afraid they were going to kill me and you would die.”

He walked across the room and held my cheeks gently in his hands, raising my eyes to his. “You were afraid to die only because I would?”

I smiled, but my face crumpled around it. “I’m so weak, Jared. I’m just a stupid, weak human, and that makes you so vulnerable. It’s not fair.”

Jared chuckled in amazement and shook his head. “Nina.” He leaned down and kissed my lips, his mouth conveying what he couldn’t say.

19. Saving Grace

Over the next weeks life had returned to normal. Jared and I spent our time painting and rearranging the furniture, and the space metamorphosed from Jared’s dark loft to our bright and cheerful home.

I wouldn’t have thought to change a thing, but Jared insisted I add a feminine touch. I hung up self-portraits we’d taken, bought a new floral comforter, and even picked out new china. Jared regarded the transformation with wholehearted gratitude. There were times that I thought Jared wanted me to make the changes so that he had tangible proof that I was, in fact, living there.

A month after I had officially moved in, Jared wanted to celebrate with an evening out. I put on a strapless black dress with red pumps, and Jared made the effort of putting on a tie. We walked out to the curb, and Jared straddled his Vulcan. I raised an eyebrow, pointedly looked down at my short skirt and then back at him.

Jared laughed out loud and dismounted. “Just kidding.”

He walked over to the Escalade and opened the door.

“So where are we going?” I asked.

“Somewhere new. You’ll like it,” he said before closing my door.

We pulled up to a dark brick building. He helped me to the curb and held open a glass door, kissing my cheek as I passed. A small Asian woman greeted us, and Jared grabbed my hand, leading me to a table bearing a beautiful arrangement of pink and white tulips. We were the only patrons in the small eatery, and I smiled at Jared as he sat in front of me. The woman walked halfway across the room to a waiter’s station to fill our water glasses, and I leaned against the table.

“Are they getting ready to close?” I whispered.

Jared chuckled. “No. I arranged for us to have the place to ourselves.”

“Oh,” I said, watching the woman bring our water and menus.

Jared uttered something in Japanese to the woman, and she nodded, leaving us alone.

“Have I told you how exceptionally beautiful you look tonight?” Jared asked.

“Only four or five times.” I smiled. “Thank you.”

The woman returned, chattering something I didn’t understand. Jared looked to me and then back at her. “No, I think we’ll need a few more minutes.”

“Are we meeting your mother here or something?” I asked.

“No. Why?”

“I was just wondering . . . Why all the effort? The tie, the flowers, the empty restaurant, the secrecy.”

Jared raised an eyebrow. “What secrecy?”

“You were sneaking around the loft earlier. I may be human, but I’m not blind.”

Jared’s laughter filled the room. “I can sneak past trained assassins, but I can’t get anything by you.”

“That’s because they’re not around you every second of the day,” I qualified.

Jared smiled, pressing his lips together. “We’re celebrating.”

“A month of cohabitation. You mentioned that.”

“Exactly,” he smiled, an edge of nervousness to his voice.

I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips at his evasive answer, but I let it go. He was obviously having fun keeping it from me.

I chose a dish from the menu that seemed close to my usual. When the waitress returned, Jared ordered in perfect Japanese.

I tapped my finger on the table.

Jared watched me fidget with an amused expression. “Do you have somewhere to be?”

“No, I’m just waiting for the explanation.”

He leaned forward. “You’re impatient this evening.”

I sighed and leaned back against my chair. “I’m sorry. I just feel a surprise coming on.”

“Do you now?” he teased. “And why is that?”

“C’mon, Jared, I know something’s up.”

He smiled at the waitress as she brought our plates of food, and I sighed.

Jared led us into conversation about other things as we ate. He had made plans for us to have dinner at Lillian’s that weekend. Ryan had returned to spend a few days with Josh, so Claire was in town. I discussed my fall schedule, and we talked about the changes living off-campus would pose. We also decided to call Beth and Chad and invite them to our place for dinner as soon as possible.

“I’ve always liked Beth,” Jared mused.

“Me, too!” I teased, feigning surprise.

“She’s always been a good friend to you, but I particularly appreciate the talks she gave you in my favor. She’s a smart girl, that Beth,” he said, nodding with a smug smile.

I spun the noodles around my fork as I spoke. “There were moments I thought you had her on the payroll. She was very persistent.”

“That’s why I like her.” He smiled. “She knows what’s good for you.”

“She knew better than I did that we would end up together.”

“You didn’t think we’d end up together?” Jared asked, looking a bit surprised.

“Well, I wanted to. At the time, I didn’t think we should,” I explained, stabbing my fork into some type of meat.

“I’m glad you got over that,” he said, deep in thought. “I don’t know what I’d do if . . .” He looked at me with deep affection. “You make me so happy, Nina.”

“You make me happy, honey,” I cooed.

Jared raised his brow at my uncharacteristic use of an endearing term and smiled, but his expression changed as his thoughts did. “I know things have happened fairly quickly between us.” He grimaced. “Most people would say too quickly, but we’re not most people.”

“Definitely not,” I said. I rolled the broccoli to one side of my plate and noticed Jared’s expression twisting to chagrin.

“I should have ordered that without broccoli; I’m sorry.”

I giggled. “It’s fine, Jared. I can separate the broccoli from my food.”

“I just want tonight to be perfect. I’m forgetting things,” he said, glowering at the broccoli on the rim of my plate as if it had insulted him.

That one phrase caught my attention. “Why does it have to be perfect?”

Jared shifted uncomfortably in his chair and sighed with relief when the waitress came to refill our water glasses.

“Where was I?” he asked after the waitress left.

I blotted my lips with a napkin. “We’re moving too fast?”

“No, I mean, yes, that’s where I was, but, no, I don’t think we’re moving too fast.” He paused for a moment and then looked warily at me. “You don’t think we are, do you?”

I giggled and shook my head. “No.” My eyebrows moved in as I watched him get increasingly nervous. “Are you okay?”

“I’m good. I’m perfect. You okay?”

“Yeah, you’re kind of freaking me out, though,” I turned my head to the side slightly as I eyed him with suspicion.

Jared closed his eyes and then took a deep relaxing breath. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little keyed up.”

“Relax. It’s just dinner,” I said, reaching across the table to his hand.

“Huh, yeah,” Jared said, laughing once at my suggestion and then looking down at his plate.

“I was thinking St. Lucia for our vacation. They have air conditioners, there.” I smiled.

“I’ll make the calls tomorrow,” he said, distracted.

I pondered that for a moment and then narrowed my eyes. “My mother must pay you well.”

“Very well,” he nodded.

I rolled another piece of broccoli to the side of my plate. “Well, technically, I pay you well.”

“What?” Jared said, freezing in the middle of a bite.

I shrugged. “Well, when Jack died, his estate, his assets, everything became mine.”

“What? I thought your mother . . .?” Jared shook his head, taken off-guard.

“Oh, she can live there, and she can deal with the bills and the taxes and the rest of it until I graduate. I can’t deal with it all right now.”

“So you pay me?” Jared asked, grimacing. He didn’t seem happy at the idea.

“Why? Do you want a raise?” I smiled.

Jared laughed. “As much as I love my job, maybe I should be paying you.” I smiled at his words, and he worked to relax his expression. “So it’s been a month since you moved in. Are you comfortable? Does it feel like home yet?”

I sighed, looking into his breathtaking blue-gray eyes. “It felt like home before I moved in. You’re my home, Jared.”

He beamed at my words and reached down into the inside pocket of his jacket. “Nina, there’s something I . . .”

The waitress approached the table, and Jared slumped against his chair, looking slightly disappointed. She took our plates and left us alone with the dessert menu.

“Angel food cake is on the menu.” He smiled.

“I’m definitely going to have a slice of that.”

I watched Jared scroll over the list of pies, cakes, and ice cream. While he searched, I noticed a small, glowing red dot appear over his shoulder and then slowly make its way across the table. I lowered my menu as I watched it hit the edge of the table, and then travel up the bodice of my dress, settling over my heart.

“Huh,” I said in a higher, bewildered pitch.

“What, sweetheart?” Jared asked, still looking over the menu.

“There must be someone else in here. They’re playing with one of those laser-pointer thingies,” I said, still watching it quiver on my chest.

My body jerked, and I felt the world spin in slow motion. The sounds of war detonated in the air around me, and I struggled to gain my bearings. Glass crashed to the floor, and high-pitched buzzing noises accompanied the staccato of gunfire. My arms and legs felt constricted and heavy but at the same time weightless, flying through the air, higher and higher. I closed my eyes and tried to sift through the confusion.

Jared’s voice called to me from far away, and, as his voice grew closer, so did the buzzing and tapping noises.

“Nina!” Jared yelled.

Sitting on the ground with my back to the inside of the waiter’s station, time sped up and the noises blurred together. Jared reached above me, and I heard a ripping noise. With one hand, he placed a large board behind my back, leaning me against it. He ducked once and called my name again.

“Nina!”

My mind abruptly caught up with the present. Jared had reached across the table the second he’d noticed the red dot, and we flew together under a slew of gunfire to the middle of the room. He quickly righted me and ripped the marble countertop off above us, placing it behind me as a shield.

A hail of bullets soared around us again, and I could hear the waitress screaming from the back in Japanese. Jared yelled something back to her and then turned to me.

The red tablecloth had made the journey with us, and I was tangled in it. I covered my head as the next barrage of bullets surged through the restaurant. When I looked up, I noticed a red stain on Jared’s shirt that grew larger with every passing second.

“Jared!”

He looked at me with confusion and then followed my line of sight to his shoulder.

“It’s fine,” he said, shaking his head dismissively. “Are you okay?” he yelled over the breaking glass and gunfire, ducking as he spoke.

I nodded, watching Jared’s confused expression turn to concern. He looked down at his thigh and touched his pants.

“Did you get hit in the leg, too?” I asked, ducking with another onslaught of gunfire.

“No, I . . .” he said, looking back at me. Suddenly, his eyes widened, and he looked down to my lap, pulling at the tablecloth twisted around me. Finally freeing me from the fabric, he yanked up the skirt of my dress, seeing a bloody mess on my thigh.

“Oh my God, Nina, you’re hit.”

We exchanged fearful expressions just as the next barrage of bullets ricocheted through the room. My brain registered the pain the moment I saw the wound, and a searing sensation immediately radiated from the bullet hole in all directions.

“You’re going to be okay!” Jared yelled over the breaking glass, his face tightening.

The restaurant was being torn apart by bullets. The walls and tables were splintered, the floor covered in glass shards. He pulled the tie from his neck and looped it around my upper thigh, yanking it tight, and then he wadded up the tablecloth and pressed it against my leg. The sting intensified as it shot throughout my body, and I cried out in pain.

Jared’s face tensed, and he lifted his hand from the tablecloth, both dark red with my blood. He put more pressure on it, and I cried out again.

He shook his head. “I’ve got to get you out of here.”

He kept his hand on my leg as he backed up to the station beside me and then slowly leaned his head out. He immediately jerked back, narrowly dodging dozens of shots aimed directly at him. Whoever was outside only had to keep us pinned down until I bled to death, and they would succeed in killing us both.

Jared’s eyes searched the room in desperation. He scanned the ceiling and walls and attempted to see what was in the back, ducking at another set of bullets. When more firing resounded, I noticed that those shots sounded different, closer.

I pulled his hand from my leg and pressed my hand on the tablecloth, wincing. “Go, Jared. Find a way out.”

“I won’t leave you,” he said, desperate.

I took in a deep breath, trying to focus beyond the pain. “If you don’t, we’re both going to die.”

Jared clinched his eyes shut and pressed his lips together, the clash of priorities sending him into anguish. He turned to me, his eyes midnight blue.

“I’m going to go straight down the hall to see if there’s another way out, and then I’m coming back, okay? I’m going to get us out of here,” he promised.

I smiled and nodded, my eyes glossing over. “I know.”

He grabbed each side of my face and kissed me on the lips first and then on the forehead.

More bullets cascaded through the building, and the different pitch of gunfire was just behind us. Jared pulled me close, and I flinched at our impending end.

Jared laughed and I looked up, seeing Claire ten feet away, her back against a concrete pillar.

“Thought I’d come join the party!” Claire called to us, throwing a gun to Jared and then situating herself with her rifle.

“I love you, baby sister!” Jared cried.

Claire winked at him. “I told you that you’d figure that out one of these days!” She cocked her gun and then looked up, took a deep breath, and then twisted her body, taking several shots before turning back around to escape the return fire.

She turned to Jared, then. “You’ve got four in the upper floors of the North building, two behind the dumpster, four each on both roofs, and three on the ground, on your ten, twelve and two. I’ll stay here with Nina. You go clean house.”

Jared smiled and turned to me. “Hang on, honey. I’ll be back in a sec.”

“Have a good day at work.” I smiled.

Claire tossed him a few more clips of ammunition, and then he leaned into me, his lips pressing hard against mine. “Promise me you’ll stay awake.”

“I promise,” I whispered, and then he disappeared.

Claire was beside me in the next moment, and she immediately pressed down on the tablecloth.

“Agh!” I screamed.

“You’ve got to keep pressure on that, dummy, or you’re going to bleed out before we get you to the hospital,” she barked, taking a few shots behind us with her rifle.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Bitch,” I said, laughing when Claire did.

“Open your eyes, Nina! You have to stay awake!” she yelled, patting my cheek.

I widened my eyes and blinked a few times. “I feel nauseated,” I said, swallowing.

She looked down at my hand on my thigh, both covered in scarlet. “It’s because you’re losing so much blood. I’ve got to cover Jared, but you stay awake!”

Claire pulled a hand gun from the holster on her back and shot several rounds, simultaneously whipping a rifle over her head and stabilizing it on top of the remaining wood of our makeshift fort. Staring down her sights, her tiny frame jerked back with each shot as large brass casings flipped out and over, landing all around me.

“Your SIX, Jared!” Claire screamed as she took more shots with her rifle with one hand and intermittently straightened her head to use her hand gun with the other.

The bullets no longer showered the restaurant as they seemed to be mostly out in the street. Claire repacked the guns on her person and grabbed the back of my dress, pulling me across the floor. She sidestepped down the hall to the kitchen in a crouched position, and I swallowed back the nausea as I noticed the thick trail of blood along the white tile behind us.

She propped me against a cabinet and appraised my condition. “Yikes, you’re really pale,” she said, leaning back quickly to look down the hall and then righting herself to reload her firearm.

“I feel pale, thanks,” I mumbled, my eyes feeling heavy.

“Hurry up, Jared,” she muttered, wiping my bangs from my eyes. I noticed, then, that I was sweating, my wet hair matting against my brow.

The gunshots were quieting down outside, with sporadic shots fired every minute or so. I began to shiver, and Claire frowned, concerned with my diminishing state.

The waitress was curled up in a corner across from us. She looked at me with wide, terrified eyes, noticing my leg.

“It’s getting quiet,” I mumbled.

“That’s because Jared has taken care of most of the people shooting at us,” Claire said with a contrived smile.

“Where is Jared? Why isn’t he back, yet?” I struggled for breath.

“He’s coming. Just hang on, Nina,” she said, distracted as she checked the hall again.

I needed a more specific time frame. I was worried about how much longer I would have to fight to hang on, so the question fell short. I looked around the room, and it began to blur and spin.

“You’re losing too much blood. We have to move,” Claire said, pulling me to the doorway. She peered out quickly before leaning back to speak to the waitress, asking her something in Japanese. The woman pointed and nodded, whimpering back an answer.

Claire smiled at me. “There’s a back door. We’ll pick Jared up on the way. Let’s go.”

“I’ll be right behind you,” I deadpanned.

With her rifle in one hand, she tossed me over her shoulder with the other. As if I weighed nothing, she carried me down the hall, took a turn, and then stopped for less than a second before issuing a damaging blow with her foot to a heavy steel door.

I could feel the night air cooling the warm blood on my leg, and I breathed a sigh of relief that we had finally escaped into the alley. We had almost made it to the street when Claire froze and lowered me to the ground.

“Rookie mistake, Claire Bear,” Graham said, pointing his gun. His nose was still taped from where she’d shattered it with her elbow.

“Awfully brave of you to come alone.” She smiled.

I had seen Claire’s smug expression before, but this time it was different. She had an edge of fear in her eyes. She knew that I was running out of time.

Graham turned to me. “I told you I’d see you soon, Nina. It looks as if I’m not even going to have to waste a bullet. You’re knockin’ on death’s door. Such a waste, too,” he said, clicking his tongue in disapproval. “I was looking forward to spending some time with you.”

I held myself up with my hands, but my arms were quivering from exhaustion. I struggled to keep my eyes focused, and my lungs were having a hard time feeling satisfied with each shallow breath. Graham was right, but I would fight it; I had to keep my heart beating to save Jared.

“If she dies, Graham, I won’t kill you quickly,” Claire said through her teeth, her voice quivering with anger. “You will suffer for days, maybe even weeks. Hell will be a sweet relief compared to what I will do to you.”

Graham laughed, pointing his shotgun at me. “I could end her life right now, but I think I like watching you squirm while we watch her die.”

I coughed and fell to my elbows, my palms flat on the damp pavement of the alley. The nausea became more of a promise than a threat, and the sweat dripped from my hairline into my eyes. Graham planned to hold us at gunpoint until my heart stopped beating, and Jared would soon become sick and die. The rage welled up inside me, and I gritted my teeth in anger.

I looked up at the barrel of the gun. “I wish I could watch what she does to you, Graham, you sorry sack of—”

“Now, now.” He laughed. “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“Do you even have a mother, Graham? Or did you just come straight from the bowels of Hell?” I gasped, feeling my life slipping away.

Graham cocked his gun. “You’re sassy, Nina. I like that. Maybe I will show a little mercy. It’s not really my style, but I’ll make an exception for Jack’s daughter.”

I shut my eyes and waited, but the end never came. When I looked up, Graham stood with his back arched, his eyes wide and bulging, staring straight ahead. A string of drool fell from his mouth as he fell forward. Jared stood in his place with a bloody fist.

“Nice,” Claire said, lifting my limp body from the ground.

“I ran out of bullets,” Jared quipped, taking me from Claire’s arms. We surged forward, taking off so fast I thought he had sprouted wings.

I tried to focus as he lifted me into the backseat of his Escalade, cradling me in his arms. Claire jumped into the driver’s seat. “Rhode Island Hospital is closer, right?”

“Yes!” Jared cried. “Go, Claire. Go!”

“I’m going to bleed on the seat,” I mumbled.

Jared laughed nervously. “I don’t care about the seat. You just stay with me.”

“I’m cold,” I whispered. My body shivered even against his warm body.

“Claire,” Jared warned, holding me tightly against him.

“Two minutes,” she said as the SUV jerked with a sharp turn.

“She doesn’t have two minutes,” Jared groaned.

“Jared?” I called into the dark.

I felt his warm hand on my cheek. “I’m here.”

“Jared?” I cried. I was so tired, and I was afraid. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to keep us both alive.

“I’m here, Nina. You stay with me, do you hear me?” I heard his voice break. “I’ve got plans for you.”

I felt the Escalade screech to a halt and the door fly open. Jared scrambled from the back, holding me tightly in his arms.

Jared yelled for help, and then a large group of people surrounded me.

“Sir, I need you to put her on the gurney,” I heard a woman say.

I felt Jared’s warm lips on my forehead, and his grip tightened.

“Sir!”

“You promised me,” Jared choked. “Keep your promise, Nina.”

Jared lowered me onto a hard mattress, and his hand squeezed mine before he let go. “I’ll see you soon.”

I searched for Jared’s face with my unfocused eyes as the doctor’s and nurses’ voices blurred above me.

“Jared?” I called to him.

“You need to leave the room, sir. Sir? You’ll have to leave!” I heard as I reached out for his hand with the last bit of strength I had left.

~*~

When I rose to the surface again, the early morning sun was peeking through the blinds. I looked over to my right hand that was tangled in Jared’s large, warm fingers. His head rested on the hospital bed beside me, his face still and peaceful. It was such an extraordinary sight to see him sleeping, so I let him be. I sat completely still, keeping my breaths even, watching the shadows dance down the wall with the rising sun.

When the sun lit up the room, Jared stirred. His eyes blinked, and he lifted his head, looking up at me.

“Good morning.” I smiled, running my fingers through his tousled hair.

“You kept your promise.”

“I always keep my promises,” I said, arching my back against the bed, wincing with the pain that ensued.

His face tensed. “You had me worried there for a while. We lost you a few times.”

“Really? I feel cheated. I don’t remember a single white light. My life didn’t even flash before my eyes.”

He pressed his lips together. “Leave it to you to joke about dying.”

“Are you okay? When that happens and they bring me back . . . That doesn’t hurt you at all, does it?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” He shook his head both in answer and in disapproval at my question.

“How’s your shoulder?”

“Good as new,” he said, making a show of patting the point where the bullet had entered.

“Yeah, I think my leg is going to take longer than your shoulder to heal.” I looked down, seeing the thick layers of gauze wrapped around it.

He nodded, but his face was pained.

I touched his cheek with my fingers. “What is it?”

Jared shook his head, trying to keep the corners of his mouth up. His smile faded to a compressed frown, and his eyes glossed over.

“Jared,” I said, trying to think of something comforting to say. I couldn’t imagine what he had gone through, letting someone else try to save my life.

He sucked in a breath and held my hand against his cheek. “I thought I lost you,” he cried, his eyes closed. “I thought I lost you.” His voice was agonized, and he groaned as he buried his face into my stomach.

I rested my hand on his head, unsure of what to say. He sucked in another quick breath and wrapped his arms around my hips, pulling me gently to him.

He kept his face hidden against me. “I didn’t know what I was going to do. I begged Gabriel to take me at the same time. I didn’t want to live a single second without you.”

He lifted his face to meet mine, his eyes moist and red.

“I’m fine.” I smiled, sweeping his cheek with the back of my fingers.

Jared wiped his eyes and sighed. “This isn’t how I wanted to do this, but it will do.”

I watched him with confusion as he leaned down to pick something off the floor. He sat up and placed a petite box on my lap.

It was a takeout box from Blaze on Thayer.

I giggled. “Sweet potato fries?”

Jared smiled. “Sweet potato fries.”

“For breakfast?” I asked, lifting the lid. It was empty except for a small black box. I looked at Jared, and felt my eyebrows shoot up. He lifted the box and held it in front of me.

“Open it,” Jared whispered, wiping his eyes again.

I carefully lifted the lid, revealing a golden band. A large diamond sparkled in the center.

I gasped and looked at Jared.

“I exist for you. I live for you, and I live to love you.” He paused. “Marry me, Nina.”

I looked back at the ring, and a broad smile stretched across my face.

Jared watched me as I stared at the glittering diamond. “Will you marry me?”

I looked at him, tears overflowing my eyes. I nodded emphatically and laughed. “Yes.”

Jared’s smile matched mine, and he took the ring from the box and lifted my hand, pulling the silver band from Corn Island off, and slipping the delicate gold band onto my finger.

He stared at it for a moment in awe and then leaned forward, touching his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, crying tears of pure joy.

Jared smiled, triumphant. “We didn’t have to get through the nightmare to get our miracle. You, Nina, you’re my miracle. It’s always been you.”

Epilogue

I subdued my laughter while Jared washed the paint from his hair in the kitchen sink. He’d just finished rendering the bullet hole above the stove invisible; it was the last item on his list of things to remove, replace, or repair since Shax’s visit just two months before.

Jared was covered in ivory specks, and I found it amusing that he was so graceful and agile yet he couldn’t seem to pick up a paint brush without half the bucket inexplicably appearing all over him.

“What?” he asked, smiling as he scrubbed his hair with a towel.

“You look good in Honeysuckle Beige. I think it’s your color.” I giggled.

Jared tossed the towel onto the counter and walked to the couch where I rested. “How’s the leg? Need anything for the pain?” he asked, crouching beside me.

“It’s okay. How’s the shoulder?”

Jared grinned at me for a moment and then intertwined his fingers in mine. “Did something happen to my shoulder?”

“Is that like the tree falling in the woods making a sound question?” I asked, watching the large diamond glitter on my finger.

Jared’s bellowing laughter filled the room. “Yeah, something like that. Claire will be here soon with Mom. They’re bringing over some magazines, catalogs, things like that.”

I smiled and ran my fingers through his wet hair. “You keep me fairly entertained.”

“They’re bringing wedding stuff. Lillian has resorted to harassment to get me to let her come here. I made her wait until you were a little stronger before she ascended the loft with swaths and centerpiece options. I’m afraid it’s just given her time to collect more supplies.”

“You didn’t tell them about the island, did you?” I accused.

Jared squinted one eye. “I think I’m going to need back up for that.”

“You’re letting them come over here thinking we’re planning a big wedding? Jared!”

He cringed at my reaction. “It’s okay! We’ll explain it together.”

I rolled my eyes and nervously twisted my engagement ring around my finger. “If I can tell Cynthia I’m getting married before I graduate college, you can tell your mom we’re going simple.”

Jared looked down and smiled. “You used to do that with Jack’s ring. It’s funny to think this time last year I would smile when I’d see you fidgeting with the peridot. Now you’re twisting your engagement ring around when you’re nervous. It’s surreal,” he mused.

“Tell me about it,” I grumbled.

Jared nodded once. “Cranky when planning weddings . . . check.”

I pressed my lips together, trying not to smile.

Jared pulled my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers tenderly. “It will be fine. I promise.”

The sheer white curtains swayed lazily back and forth with the summer breeze. The walls of the loft were now in beiges and whites, and when the sun filtered through the windows, everything seemed to glow. Light seemed to engulf Jared, and I smiled at the halo it created around him. His eyes were a soft blue-gray, cloud free since he’d brought me home from the hospital.

Seconds later there was a knock at the door. Claire, Lillian, and Bex walked through, arms full of sacks and thick catalogs.

Jared smiled at the sight of his family and then laughed when he turned to see my overwhelmed expression.

“Be brave, sweetheart. Show no fear,” he whispered into my ear before affectionately greeting his mother.

“Nina!” Lillian gushed. “You look so much better, honey. You had us so worried!”

Claire set white sacks on top of a hot pink duffle bag while Lillian straightened a stack of bridal magazines on the coffee table.

Lillian smiled as she looked around the room. “Oh. Oh! I just love what you’ve done in here! It’s so light and peaceful! I’ve been telling Jared for years to brighten this place up, and you managed to talk him into it within weeks!” She winked. “That a girl, Nina.”

“He practically forced me to choose a new color palette and shop for new décor. He was sure I didn’t like it before.” I smiled warmly at Jared who watched me with a soft expression.

“New color palette and décor?” Bex snorted.

Jared lunged at him and wrestled him to the floor, putting him in a headlock and rubbing his knuckles against Bex’s head.

“You’ll understand one of these days, punk,” Jared said, laughing.

Laughter filled the loft as we watched them wrestle on the floor. Bex made an impressive effort, but he was unsuccessful in escaping Jared’s grip. Jared finally stood up, bringing Bex with him by the collar. Jared hooked Bex’s neck with the crook of his arm and squeezed, and Bex threw his arm up and over his big brother’s shoulder.

“Have you seen this one, Nina?” Lillian asked, grabbing a magazine from the top of the stack. She licked her thumb and flipped to an earmarked page.

The picture was of a woman standing on a beach, the bright blue sky and azure waters behind her, looking quite bored and desperately in need of a meal. She wore a bright white V-neck dress, clinging to the edges of her shoulders. The bodice was gathered from the shoulder to the silver beaded empire waist. The chiffon and silk dropped straight down into a flowing A-line skirt.

“It’s perfect,” I said, sighing over its beauty.

Jared peered over from the end of the couch, and Claire covered his eyes with her hand. “You can’t look!”

“Well, you’re going to be easy to shop for!” Lillian giggled. “Does your mother have any favorites?”

“Cynthia doesn’t do weddings,” I said with a smirk.

Jared pulled his sister’s hand from his eyes and smiled at me. “You like that one?”

“Well, I’d have to try it on.”

“Oh my, you will look so beautiful in that dress, Nina.” Lillian said as she hugged me to her, kissing the top of my head.

“Does it go with a small white chapel on a tiny island off Nicaragua?” Jared asked.

I looked up at him, trying to keep the corners of my mouth from turning up. “I think so.”

“What?” Lillian asked, looking at Jared with a confused half-smile.

“When we went to Little Corn during spring break, we found a little chapel on the island. That’s where the ceremony—the very small ceremony—will be. It only seats about fifty, possibly less.”

Lillian looked at me with surprise.

Claire gasped and then laughed, her mouth formed into an ‘O’. “You are so dead, Jared!”

“A Nicaraguan island?” Lillian said softly. “Okay, we’ll make it work,” she said with a sweet smile.

“You have to take a boat to get there, Mom,” Jared added.

Lillian looked at Jared and then at me, trying to find words. “Wedding guests taking a plane to Nicaragua and then a boat to a tiny island with huts for accommodations,” she thought aloud.

I shut the magazine as Jared walked over to his mother, patting her shoulder. “It gives us a good excuse to keep the guest list to a minimum.”

Lillian’s eyes brightened. “There’s always the reception,” she chirped, thumbing through another magazine.

Jared laughed at his mother’s unfailing optimism.

Lillian hugged me again and stood up, hooking her arm around the shoulders of her youngest son. “Bex has an early training session in the morning. Let me know if you need anything, Nina. I love you both.” She smiled.

Claire shook her head at her mother with amused affection and then looked at me. “She lives for this stuff.”

“Don’t think you’re going to get away with anything like this, young lady,” Lillian called to Claire. “Plan on a ridiculously lavish church wedding, now.”

Claire waved to her mother, and I could see her expression turn to unease as I looked down to flip through more pages of the magazine.

“What is it, Claire?” Jared asked.

“We left a few loose ends at the restaurant. Those men are loyal to Graham, Jared.”

After several moments of silence, I looked up. Jared’s expression was impatient. “This could have waited.”

“I disagree,” Claire said in a concerned tone. “Bex will be watching Ryan for me. I won’t let them come after Nina again.” She looked at me with a maternal softness.

“What do you plan to do?” I asked, feeling a twinge in my chest.

“I’m going to find every person involved, every enemy of Jack’s, every cop that is willing to avenge Graham’s death, and I’m going to eliminate the threat.” She looked at Jared. “It’s what Dad would have done.”

Jared looked at his baby sister with an appreciative smile. “When?”

Claire walked over to the table and unzipped the hot pink duffle bag. Within seconds, she molded a rifle from several pieces and then clicked on the scope, swinging the thick black strap over her shoulder.

“When are you coming back?” I asked, leaning forward in reaction to her apparent departure.

“When the job’s done,” she smiled, loading her holsters. She lifted her foot to the table and twirled a large knife around her finger, shoving it into a case in her thick black boot.

Jared rested his hands gently on her shoulders, kissing her forehead. “Watch your six,” he said, joining me on the couch.

“Claire,” I said, feeling my eyes gloss over.

She laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. I never miss.” Her eyes became unfocused, and her expression turned menacing. “They ended their lives when they aimed at my sister.”

She pulled her sunglasses over her eyes, and her straight, platinum bangs fell over the top of the rims. Walking to the door, she gripped the strap of her rifle with one hand and twisted the knob with the other.

“Gotta go to work.” Claire smiled wickedly and then shut the door.

Requiem

To Eden and Hailey, my little beacons of light

My sunshine eternal

Requiem Table of Contents

The following is the table of contents for Requiem (Book Two only).

To return to main table of contents for the Providence Trilogy, click here

1. Three

2. Gone

3. Four Feet

4. Exhaustion

5. Landstuhl

6. Witch

7. The Perfect Storm

8. Valediction

9. Killing the Messenger

10. New

11. Favor

12. The One

13. Lesson

14. It’s Your Funeral

15. The Truth in Sixty Seconds

16. If I Told You Everything

17. The Roof

18. The Mistake

19. Waiting

Epilogue

1. Three

I was back. Surrounded by darkness, two blurry forms crouched before an open safe, hidden behind a large hinged bookcase. They breathed heavily, working at a feverish pace to find what they had searched for the past months. One of the men froze and all movement stopped. He leaned further into the safe, using both hands to pull out a thick leather-bound book.

“That’s it. Dear God, that’s it,” Jack whispered.

Every corner of the room held a warning. Lit only by the moonlight filtering through the blinds of a single window, antique swords and axes hung on the walls, bordering hand-painted landscapes of war and death. The air was stale, lacking human lungs to circulate it.

I had been there many times before, but my hands still trembled, knowing the panic would begin soon. It was coming, but I couldn’t stop it. It would play over and over as if I were stuck in time, in a bad dream, or in Hell.

Jack’s fingers ran over the branded seal in the center and looked to his friend.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Jack?”

“Are you sure it’s her, Gabe?” Jack replied. Gabe nodded slowly, and Jack continued with a sigh, “Then you know the answer.”

Hearing what Jack’s human ears couldn’t, Gabe’s head jerked to the side. “It’s too late,” he said, his eyes twitching back and forth as he listened. “They’re here.”

They shoved the documents, artifacts, and jewels back into the safe, and the fair-haired man effortlessly pressed the heavy bookcase flat against the wall in an attempt to conceal any evidence of their presence.

“Don’t worry about that now, Gabe! Let’s go!” Jack growled.

“I’m trying to buy us some time!”

Their shadows glided over the wooden floor as the men fled the room, and I stepped aside, watching them in silence, knowing their fate.

Gabe ran ahead, gun in hand, accustomed to Jack falling behind. He waited at the end of the hall for his friend, calculating a way out.

“The roof,” I whispered in his ear. “You always use the roof.”

A large, warm hand reached out, and Jack was pushed against the wall.

“What are you . . .?” Jack began.

Gabe lifted his finger to his mouth and then pointed to the upper floor. Jack nodded quickly, pushing his tired body from the wall. They bolted down a corridor, tightly rounded a corner, and then launched themselves up the stairs. Both men took two steps at a time, their hands gripping the banister to pull them along with each leap.

“The roof!” Gabe called as many voices echoed below them, none of them human.

Jack’s eyes widened when a terrifying shriek came from below. His stride grew longer as he streaked through another door, climbing a second stairway. He heaved a breath of relief. The narrow walls of crumbling concrete meant the roof was just a few steps away.

Already at the top of the stairway, Gabe shouldered through an outer door and ran across the roof to the edge. He looked down four stories to the road below and then at his friend. “We’ve still got two minutes, Jack. Are you sure?”

“Do I look ambivalent to you?” he shouted, tightly grasping the book to his chest. “I have to find a way to stop it!”

I frowned. In the past, I had begged my father to leave the book behind. Dozens of trips to this place taught me that Jack and Gabe’s plight would replay exactly the same way. Each time I attempted to change the outcome, it just made the end harder to watch.

Gabe sighed in submission and then jerked his head to the north, gauging the distance of their escape. “Then it begins.”

The shrieking grew louder, and Jack closed his eyes. “I have to save her,” he said in a low, grieved voice.

Jack’s body jerked forward. His tie slapped against his neck, and the wind howled past his ears as he flew through the night sky. It seemed as if the second he took flight, he had landed on another roof four buildings away. Jack lurched forward with the sudden stop, bending at the waist, making a loud grunting noise as the air was forced from him with the sudden impact. Gabe released him then.

“I’ll never get used to that,” Jack smiled, smoothing out his jacket and tie.

“I could have let you take the fire escape, brother, but with those beasts on your tail, only parts of you would have made it to the street,” Gabe said with a smirk. His grin quickly faded when he looked up. “They are drawn to it. We need more distance.”

Jack nodded. A door identical to the one they escaped from was a few yards away. He yanked open the door, and Gabe followed him down the stairs. After three flights, Jack slowed his pace; his chest heaved.

“Come on!” Gabe growled.

“I’m coming!” Jack snapped, taking another deep breath before descending the last two flights.

Just as their exit came into view, the shrieking and snarling grew louder. Jack looked over his shoulder and saw that Gabe had stayed behind, his firearm held closely to his face.

“We’re not going to make it. They’re too close.” Gabe breathed.

“GABRIEL!” An animalistic hiss cried above them. It was one voice, but it was also many.

Gabe cocked his gun and narrowed his eyes. “Go, Jack. I’ll hold them off.”

“Gabe.”

“If you want to save your daughter, then go!” Gabe yelled.

Jack clutched the book to his chest and made his way outside. He burst from the door and then grasped his knees, unable to catch his breath. He leaned against the door and lifted his face to the heavens, closing his eyes.

“God, help me,” he whispered.

The shrieking stopped momentarily before piercing the air again.

For the first time, Jack looked into my eyes. He was afraid, something I’d never seen before. It felt strange at first, as though he shouldn’t have been able to see me. I watched a familiar look of resolve paint his face. “I’m going to save you, Nina.”

As if he’d never spoken to me, Jack’s eyes darted in every direction to determine the best route of escape.

Just as he had made his decision to flee, the wood splintered behind him, and dozens of long clawed hands exploded through the door. Jack’s eyes widened in terror as demons grabbed at his chest, his legs, his neck, and face. The sharp nails shredded his shirt, and sunk into his skin, blood spilling from his open wounds.

“Nina!” he screamed. His flesh ripped under the pressure of the long talons grating across it.

His arms and legs were thrust forward, and then his body bent in half and disappeared, sucked into the hell that awaited him inside.

“Daddy!” I screamed into the darkness.

Hands held my outreached arms, and I slapped them away. “No! No! Daddy!” I wailed, trying to get away. I wasn’t strong enough.

“Nina, stop! It’s me!”

As reality sank in, I stopped fighting. Jared sat next to me in our bed, holding my wrists against his chest.

“Nina?” he said, leaning over to flip on the lamp.

My eyes squeezed shut, rejecting the light. Sweat soaked my cotton gown, and damp hair matted against my forehead. With trembling fingers, I wiped the wet strands from my face. It always took a few moments to calm myself, but it wasn’t fear this time. I was angry.

“They’re getting worse,” Jared said, concerned.

I had to clear my throat. “They’re so real,” I whispered. I could still smell my father’s cologne, and the screeching still rang in my ears. Returning to the same place almost every night to watch my father die felt like torture. Resentment replaced the fear, and that was a good thing; I felt better equipped to handle rage than the overwhelming helplessness that normally woke me.

“Nina?”

I licked the salt from my lips. “I’m okay.”

“That’s the third one this week. I don’t think you’re okay,” Jared said, his face tense. “Same one?”

Reluctantly, I nodded. Jared worried obsessively each time he had to wake me from a nightmare. He was tormented by the screaming, the trembling, and the inability to stop it. The frustration and concern he felt was only exacerbated by our unique link. Jared was half human and half angel. As a hybrid, he was sensitive to small changes in my body such as blood pressure, hormonal changes, and my pulse. Because I was his taleh—the human he was charged with protecting—he felt my feelings as if they were his own.

He watched me for a moment before pulling me onto his lap. “Maybe you should talk to someone.”

“I don’t need a shrink, Jared. They’re just dreams,” I said, more to myself than to him.

He pulled me with him, resting his back against the headboard. I worked to relax. My days without him the previous spring had been good practice when I didn’t want to bother him with my ridiculous human fears and feelings. But I struggled after the nightmares, even after months of perfecting my talent.

I tried to think of anything but the terrifying image of my father being torn to shreds so that I could settle down and fall asleep. Jared’s feverish chest against my cheek was comforting, and I breathed in his amazing scent. Any other time I would have instantly felt at ease, but after the three-peat of the worst nightmare I’d ever had, it didn’t work.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I said, abruptly peeling off the blankets tucked around me.

“It’s three o’clock in the morning, Nina. You have to get up in three hours anyway for work. Why don’t you just try to sleep?”

I scooted to the edge of the bed and planted my feet on the floor with my back to Jared. “Have you slept?” I asked him.

After a short pause, he let out an exasperated sigh. “Yes.”

“Then there’s no reason for me to go back to sleep. I don’t want to sleep, anyway. It’s the same thing every time I close my eyes.” I waited a moment, and when Jared failed to argue, I pushed myself off the bed and walked into the bathroom.

The pipes whined when I turned the shower knobs, and I stood in front of the sink in quiet thought, waiting for the water to warm. Visions from my dream flashed in short, loud scenes—the screeching and the sound of my father’s shoes running up the stairs—it wouldn’t stop. I closed my eyes tightly, willing the memories away. Were they even memories if it was just a dream?

“Nina? Are you okay in there?” Jared called.

I leaned over, cupped my hands together under the running water of the sink, and then splashed my face. I let the drops of water fall from my nose and chin into the basin and watched as they followed each other in a trail down the drain. Concentrating on masking my emotions was easier when I focused on something trivial.

“I’m fine,” I said, righting myself to stare in the mirror. My features had changed from the time when Jared and I had first met. Spending much of the summer indoors while my leg healed had left my skin pale and lifeless, and I was sporting a matching pair of purple circles under my eyes.

Our near-death experience in the restaurant seemed like a lifetime away. Aside from the occasional news story about the police department’s finest meeting untimely ends in bizarre and unrelated accidents, our days went by as if Graham, Shax, and the book had never existed.

I let my nightgown drop to the floor and then stepped into the shower, sighing as the stream of water poured over my face.

Jared walked in and leaned against the sink, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

Jared shifted uncomfortably. “It’s you I’m worried about.”

“The fall semester is getting ready to start. I have extra classes, and with my internship, it’s probably just stress.”

“I don’t understand,” Jared said. “It’s been months since any of them have come around. This is the least I’ve seen of them in my entire life, and yet you’re . . .” Jared rubbed his neck. “It doesn’t make sense for you to be having these dreams now.”

“Jared, people have nightmares all the time without demons present. It doesn’t mean anything,” I said, scrubbing shampoo into my hair.

“That’s what you think.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, c’mon. You’re blowing this out of proportion. If I promise to quit having the dreams, will you promise to quit freaking out about them?”

“You’ll promise to quit having the dreams,” Jared repeated, his voice thick with sarcasm.

I poked my soapy head from the shower curtain, lather dripping down my face. “Okay, I can’t promise, but you’re giving me a complex. Unless you know something I don’t, they’re just dreams.”

Jared smiled and wiped the line of soap from my forehead, promptly kissing my lips. “Okay. They’re just dreams.”

I nodded in approval and then closed the curtain. “I have to stop by the office today. Do you mind?” I asked, knowing he would.

“You mean more than any other day?”

Escorting me to Titan Mercantile was just another day at work for Jared, but as often as I asked him to come in, it had become an inside joke between us. Every day I asked, and every day he politely declined. For years, Jared’s father, Gabe, walked the halls of Titan Mercantile. Jared didn’t talk about it, but I assumed his refusal to go in had to do with unresolved feelings concerning his father.

The hours before dawn crept by slowly, and after my shower, Jared and I spent the remaining moments of twilight at the breakfast table. When the morning sun finally poked through the blinds, I smiled at the glowing light painting rectangles against the walls. I had spent hours staring at those walls, waiting for my leg to heal. Beth had visited infrequently, busy decorating her new apartment, Kim had taken her summer vacation on the road, and Claire was relentlessly eliminating any threat to us. Jared spent much of his time warding off loneliness and keeping me entertained. We had grown closer, and life had been more normal than ever. The only reminder of the night I almost died was the scar on my thigh.

Jared, working busily in the kitchen, caught my eye, and I listened to the pan pop and sizzle with our breakfast. He placed omelets on the table along with a small stack of mail.

“Anything interesting?” I asked as he thumbed through the envelopes.

Jared paused, eyes narrowing as he read over the handwritten address.

“What?”

“It’s for you,” he said, sliding it toward me.

The top left corner explained Jared’s expression. It was from Ryan.

By Jared’s expression, I knew it wasn’t good news. “You already know, don’t you?” I said, pulling out a single sheet of notebook paper.

“I have an idea.”

“Something you should have told me by now,” I accused, scanning the letter quickly.

Dear Nigh,

I wanted you to hear it from me, but didn’t know how to say it, so I’m just going to write it. I’m not coming back to Brown. I talked it over with an Army recruiter, and I feel that it’s the best place for me at this point. I know you better than you think I do, and right now, you’re feeling guilty. Well, don’t. You’re happy, and that’s all that matters to me. That’s the truth. I’m sorry you have to find out in this stupid letter, but everything happened kinda fast and I didn’t have time to call. Take care of yourself, Nigh. I’ll think about you every day.

Ryan

The letter slipped from my hands and fell to the floor, quietly and slowly. The numbness was unexpected but welcome; I knew guilt would soon wash over me and that it would be unbearable.

“He left.”

Jared touched my hand. “Claire called. He’s doing well.”

“Claire’s gone?” I wailed, standing up from my seat. Once again, although the swing of emotions startled me, anger was always preferable to pain. Jared took a step toward me, but I stepped away from him. “You didn’t even let me say good-bye to her! To either of them!”

Jared’s eyebrows moved inward, creating a deep crease. “He wanted to do this, Nina. You couldn’t have stopped him anyway.”

“But you knew it was happening,” I said softly. “You should have told me.” The lack of sleep was already wearing on me, and my body felt heavy. I didn’t have the energy to be angry. My eyes drifted to the letter on the floor. “This is my fault.”

“Nina, no.”

I nodded. “I did this. I broke his heart, and he couldn’t stay here.” I shook my head. “I should have left him alone. He’s going to die out there.”

“Ryan made his choice,” Jared said.

His dry tone was hardly convincing. He had a right to be angry, watching his fiancée anguish over the man she was meant to be with. To Jared, Ryan being Claire’s taleh meant that I belonged to someone else, and I used that to drive Jared away when I thought being with him meant putting his family in danger. My brilliant plan had been enough to drive Ryan to join a war halfway across the world. No matter what Jared said or how much he hated to see me upset, he wasn’t sorry to see Ryan go.

As angry as I was, the only one to blame was me, and we both knew it.

I shook my head. “I have to get going. I have to get those documents faxed by eight.”

Jared sighed. “If I had told you, what would you have done besides worry?”

I pulled my purse over my shoulder. “I don’t know,” I said, pulling out my cell phone. I scrolled through the address book until I found Ryan’s number and then held the phone to my ear. As I expected, his voice mail immediately answered.

The sound of his voice made my insides wrench, but when the beep cued me to speak, my temper kicked in.

“I need you to call me. Call me right now. I mean it. I just got your letter and you can’t do this. You just can’t. You’ve got to call me so we can figure this out. Please.”

Jared took the phone from my hand and let it slowly close. “He’s not going to get that message, sweetheart.”

“I had to try,” I said, opening my purse for him to drop the phone inside. “Someone had to.”

Jared touched my arm. “He’s the safest enlisted man in the Army, Nina. He has Claire.”

“And how is that going to work, exactly? Has Claire joined the Army?”

Jared smiled. “No. We’ve talked about this. She’s keeps an eye on Ryan the same way we were allowed to train. We have connections.”

“That’s not the point.”

“I know,” Jared said, opening the door.

I didn’t kiss him when I passed through the door or when he opened the passenger side for me as he always did or before he left me for the driver’s seat. He didn’t attempt to apologize, which he only did when he felt he was right, knowing that infuriated me further.

“I’m sorry you’re angry,” he said.

I glared at him. “That’s lame and you know it. You didn’t tell me Ryan had enlisted in the first place! You didn’t let me say good-bye to Claire! Sorry I’m angry.” I muttered the last words and crossed my arms, settling into an unyielding foul mood. When Jared didn’t reply, I peeked at him from the corner of my eye. He was trying not to laugh.

“This is not funny, Jared!”

His mouth immediately flat-lined. “I didn’t say it was. You’re just,” he shook his head as he pulled to the curb of Titan Mercantile, “trying to be angry, with a series of annoyed expressions on your beautiful face; it’s amusing. I’m sorry.”

“Stop being sorry and start being—I don’t know—sorry!”

A corner of Jared’s mouth rebelled and turned up slightly before he straightened it again. “Have a good day.”

I slammed the door, beyond trying to have an argument with him. At times, it was maddening how in love with me he was.

I took a few steps toward the building and then stopped. I returned to the Escalade and opened the door. “Are you coming in?” I asked sheepishly.

“Not today,” he smiled.

Jared had spent endless hours at Titan Mercantile as a child, and it was his least favorite place to go with his father. It didn’t help that the other employees stared at him as if he were a zoo animal. They couldn’t figure our relationship out; although, most of them knew that Jared was Gabe’s son and my security.

In the days when my father walked the halls, seeing Gabe was just another day at the office. From the first day of my internship, it was apparent that I also needed protection, and my appointed bodyguard also happened to be my fiancé. Those facts alone began more than one string of rumors about my family.

One of my fellow interns in particular had an immediate interest in Jared. Sasha wasted no time with the saccharine-laced pleasantries; on the contrary, she was downright hateful to me on the subject.

“So Jared,” she began as I walked into the office we shared. She eyed his Escalade from the window as she spoke.

“I have a lot to do, Sasha.”

“He protects you?” When I didn’t answer, she walked over to stand in front of my desk, tapping on it until I looked up. “From what?” she asked, dubiously.

I glared at her long nails clicking against the wood and then up at her. “I’m busy.”

“But he’s your boyfriend, right?”

“No.”

“No?” she said, her voice an octave higher.

“We’re engaged.”

“Isn’t that, you know, a conflict of interest?”

“Not really,” I said, thumbing through a stack of papers.

“I just don’t get it. I mean,” she puffed an airy laugh, “I realize you’re the princess of Titan Mercantile, but don’t you feel a little ridiculous when you stand next to him? You’re such an odd couple.”

Recognizing what she meant, my head jerked up, and my eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”

Sasha shrugged then, running her finger along the edge of my desk as she slithered around me. “Doesn’t it make you self-conscious? Women must be throwing themselves at him all the time.”

“Not really, no,” I snapped as she walked toward the door.

Sasha smirked, backing away from my glare. “Hmm. Very interesting.” Her long red ponytail flicked as she turned the corner, and I felt the heat radiate from my face.

On cue, my phone rang.

“Everything okay?” Jared asked on the other end of the line.

I covered my eyes with my hand, attempting to calm myself before I spoke. “Everything’s fine. It’s . . . Sasha was just here.”

“Oh. That explains it. Is she leaving her coffee mug on your papers, again?” Jared chuckled. For whatever reason, it amused him that the woman got under my skin in such a way that I couldn’t think straight.

I sighed. “No. She’s . . . I can’t say what I want to, so I just won’t.”

“You do own the company, you know. You don’t have to work with her.”

“Right now, I’m an intern, Jared. And,” I sighed again, watching her flirt with the human resources manager, “don’t tempt me.”

“Think you could slip away a bit early today?” Jared asked.

“Probably. Why?”

“It’s your first day back to Brown tomorrow. I thought we could get on the bike, head to the oak tree, and have some lunch.”

“The oak tree?”

“The one I’ve wanted to take you to: where my father took my mother.”

I smiled. “That sounds fantastic, but I have a meeting first.”

“Right,” Jared said, pretending he’d forgotten.

I straightened my skirt at the waist and then pressed the button for the third floor. My entire last day of freedom could have been spent with Jared, but Mr. Patocka asked that the interns come in for one last meeting before school began. Some of them were leaving, and he needed to redistribute responsibilities. I had looked forward to this meeting all week only because it was Sasha’s last day. That alone was cause to celebrate.

“Interns.” Mr. Patocka began looking through the papers in his hand. He always said “interns” as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. “Anna, Brad, and Evan will be leaving us, leaving Shannon, John, Nina, and Sasha with new responsibilities. I would like to say . . .”

Mr. Patocka’s words blurred together after I realized he’d put Sasha in the wrong category.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Patocka?”

“Yes, Miss Grey?” he said, obviously irritated. I was well aware that had any other intern interrupted him he or she would have been promptly asked to leave the meeting, but everyone knew, including Mr. Patocka, that I wasn’t just an intern.

“I think you’ve made a mistake. Sasha isn’t staying,” I said as professionally as I could manage.

“Still not paying attention to your briefs,” Sasha snapped. “I’m staying on through the school year.”

“What?” I said, my tone sounding more disgusted than I’d meant. I looked to Mr. Patocka, who nodded while looking incredibly bored with the turn the conversation had taken.

“I . . . She . . .” I stumbled over my words, trying to think of a way to save face after I’d made it so clear that I was shocked and dismayed at the news.

“It’s okay, Nina. We still get to be office mates,” Sasha purred. Her smile was that of a cat being polite to the bird just before she ate it.

“Moving on,” Mr. Patocka continued. “Sasha, you’ll be taking over Brad’s duties, Shannon, you’ll be taking over Anna’s duties, and John will be taking over Evan’s. I expect those departing to make sure those staying behind have exact instructions.”

“What about Nina?” Sasha said, glaring back at me over her shoulder.

Mr. Patocka sighed. “Nina will be training with Grant during the school year, Sasha. Try not to make me feel as though I’m babysitting more than I already do, please.”

“With Grant?” Sasha groused.

Grant was second in command at Titan. When Jack died, he assumed the management responsibilities until I was ready to take over. Working with him was not something I looked forward to; I had spent my teenage years watching Grant suck up to my father and, to Jack’s amusement, shamelessly flirt with me.

Jack saw something in Grant that I couldn’t—or wouldn’t—see. Not only did he give Grant promotion after promotion he tirelessly tried to persuade me to go out with his up-and-coming, incredibly intelligent, star employee.

While being within five feet of Grant usually made me a bit nauseated, Sasha had been scheming to land a job as his assistant since her first day. Mr. Patocka’s decision to place me in the very position she’d been working for all summer would no doubt push her beyond any irritation she’d had for me before.

I smiled at the thought. This would mean an all-out war.

“Is there a problem, Sasha?” I asked, trying to preserve a bit of respect from my future employees.

“Problem? Not at all,” Sasha said with the sickeningly sweet laugh that liberated her from most awkward situations she’d created for herself. “I apologize, Nina. I didn’t realize you were so sensitive.” She smiled.

I looked to Mr. Patocka. “Are we finished here?”

“I’m finished with the meeting, but I need you to come to Grant’s office with me, Nina. He needs to brief you on a few things before you start back next week.”

The other interns filed out of the room, shaking hands and saying their good-byes. I nodded to each of them as they made a bee-line to the elevator, but not before meeting Sasha’s cheap grin with one of my own.

Mr. Patocka escorted me down the hall and into the elevator, punching the button for the fourth floor, where my father’s office still resided. Grant’s office was on the opposite side of the floor, parallel to Jack’s. Half of his walls were covered in degrees and pictures of polo ponies, and the other half allowed the sunshine to pour in from large windows that overlooked Fleet Rink.

Mr. Patocka knocked on Grant’s half-opened door. “Er, Mr. Bristol? Nina’s here to see you.”

“Bring her in.”

I walked into his office and sat in a puffy green chair, feeling amiable for a change. Grant had worked for my father for ten years, and, like every clichéd rise-to-the-top story, Grant started at entry level. The only thing that would have made his story any more boring would be if he’d begun in the mail-sorting trenches, had we kept a mail room. But Grant didn’t begin his days at Titan as a mail boy.

He’d begun as an intern.

“Nina,” Grant greeted me over his thin square glasses.

“Grant,” I acknowledged with a nod.

Grant looked at Mr. Patocka and smiled politely. “Thank you, Eugene.”

Mr. Patocka ducked from the door and shut it behind him. Even though I saw Grant as somewhat of a weasel, the rest of the employees regarded him as their personal savior.

“Okay, what’s with all the formalities, Grant?” I said, crossing my arms.

“Give me a break, peanut,” he smiled.

He sat in his chair, leisurely crossing his ankles on top of his desk. I frowned at his ridiculous argyle socks. They resembled the very thing I hated about Grant Bristol. He was handsome in an annoying, maddening way. His light brown hair and clean-shaven baby face made most women at our office swoon. He was well dressed and well spoken, and I suppose he was even funny at times. All of which made me want to plant my fist straight into his square chin. He reminded me of the typical soap-opera star. His words were fake, his smile was fake, and his very presence affected me like nails on a chalkboard.

“Ugh! You know I hate it when you call me that. If we’re going to work together, you’re going to have to stop that, Grant. I mean it.”

“Anything you say.” He smiled with his too-straight, too-white teeth. “I want you here when you’re not in class. If I could do it, you can do it. No excuses.”

Attempting to keep my temper in check, I stood and offered a small grin. “See you tomorrow.”

“One more thing,” Grant said. I turned and waited. “Nice skirt, peanut.”

I stomped out of Grant’s office, trying not to kick anything on my way out. When I pushed through the front door, I saw Jared’s Escalade parked against the curb across the street as usual, only this time he stood against his door, looking extremely uncomfortable while Sasha leaned against his car with her shoulder not six inches from him. I could see that he was trying to be polite as he kept his arms crossed, careful not to react to her flirtation, but my eyes zeroed in on Sasha giggling and touching his shirt, chest, and arms with every other word.

“Nina! Hi, sweetheart,” Jared said, my interruption a relief. He pulled me into his arms and made a show of planting a kiss on my lips.

“Hey, Nina,” Sasha gushed. “I was just telling Jared that we should double date sometime.”

“No,” I snapped, my patience far beyond its limit. Jared walked me to the passenger side and opened the door. “I can get into the car on my own,” I said acerbically.

“Nina.” Jared smiled, amused at my mood.

“Don’t ‘Nina’ me,” I said, looking straight ahead.

“Well,” Sasha called from the other side of the SUV, raising her eyebrows. “I guess I’ll see you on Monday. It was nice to finally have a chance to talk to you, Jared.”

Ignoring Sasha’s final attempt for his attention, Jared watched me for a moment, trying to decipher my emotions. Finally, he walked around to his side and slid in beside me. He watched Sasha trot across the street and then shook his head. “You don’t honestly think I was—”

“No. I don’t think you were flirting with her,” I grumbled.

Jared pulled away from the curb and nodded. “Good because that is completely ridiculous. Not only am I madly in love with you she’s . . .” Jared shook his head, making a series of disgusted faces as he tried to think of the correct description. “She’s something else.”

“That’s a word for it,” I said, crossing my arms.

“How was your meeting?” he asked.

“You mean you don’t know?”

“I kept tabs, but it was difficult to get the details with Sasha two inches from my face. Is Grant still a jackass?”

“Yes,” I nodded.

“What’s wrong?” Jared paused a moment and then his eyebrows shot up. “Oh.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I didn’t mean anything,” Jared said, trying not to smile.

I shook my head, watching the trees pass by the window. Eli had once told us that when we made a commitment in a physical way, Jared’s senses concerning me would be heightened. I still wasn’t sure what that entailed. Jared never let on that anything had changed, but when his former urgent curiosity about the motives behind my moods or feelings had all but disappeared, I knew something was different. I cornered him on more than one occasion to explain his new attunement, but he always seemed to maneuver his way out of the conversation with an efficient and irresistible diversion.

“Do we still have lunch plans?” My attention focused on the passing landscape outside the window.

“Absolutely. I have a surprise for you,” Jared said, taking my hand and pulling it to his mouth.

My mood quickly changed as the warmth from his lips shot up my arm. “I love surprises.”

“I know,” he said against my skin.

2. Gone

“Carved your name in a tree? That’s so sweet!” Beth squealed.

“Yes, in a tired, done-three-billion-times kind of way,” Kim droned, unimpressed.

I ignored her, smiling at Beth. “He brought me to a field that had a lone oak tree in the center. We rolled out a blanket for the picnic lunch he packed. It was perfect.”

“You’re up,” Kim said, elbowing me.

“Oh,” I said, briefly glancing to the menu hanging from the ceiling. “Large coffee. Black.” The girl behind the counter nodded, and punched the buttons on the register, waiting for my check card. I nudged Beth. “Did you want anything?”

“Nah, not today.”

I rolled my eyes. “She’ll have a large skinny mochachino, please.”

“I said I didn’t want anything,” Beth said, feigning annoyance. “And since when do you drink your coffee black?”

“We’re not going to have our morning coffee talk on the first day of school without coffee,” I said. “I know things are tight for you and Chad right now. Moving is expensive. It’s not a problem.”

“I’m not a moocher.”

“Southern hospitality. Isn’t that what you call it?” I winked.

“You’re a Yankee,” Beth muttered.

The girl turned to make our drinks, and Beth leaned in. “So the tree . . .”

I smiled. “The carving was amazing and brilliantly detailed. I’ve never seen anything like it. He walked me to the other side, and his parents initials were carved there, too, from, like, years ago.”

“No way!” Beth shrieked. She looked around, settling down before her next question. “So have you guys set a date for the wedding?”

I looked down. “Er, no, But it was a nice lunch.”

“A nice lunch?” Kim asked.

“He didn’t mention it,” I said.

“Well, that’s a first,” Beth teased.

It wasn’t hard to guess why Jared’s questions about a wedding date had tapered off. He was worried about the nightmares, and he didn’t want to make them worse. I knew Jared wanted to set a date. As the weeks passed and I was still reluctant to discuss it, he had begun to get anxious. Once the sleepless nights began, the wedding was the furthest thing from his mind.

We took a spot by the window and updated each other on our summers. Beth and Chad had cut back on their hours at their jobs because of the fall semester. Money was scarce, but they were enjoying playing house. Kim had traveled to see family but returned early.

“My dorm room missed me.” She smiled.

“How did you get them to let you in?” Beth asked.

“I have the gift of persuasion,” Kim said, rubbing her fingers together.

“So you traveled most of the summer, didn’t work, and you had enough money to bribe the powers that be at Brown University?” I asked. “Right.”

Kim shrugged. “I robbed two banks and a liquor store on the way to Chicago.”

“Nice,” I said, taking another sip.

“So Ryan’s in the Army?” Kim asked.

“Kim, geez,” Beth said, shaking her head.

I nodded. “He wrote me a letter and just popped it in the mail on his way to war. Like it was nothing. Like a freakin’ birthday card.”

“Or a post card,” Kim added.

“With soldiers on it,” Beth said. She looked down, trying not to smile.

“With green and black faces and big guns.” Kim smiled.

Beth waited a moment and then spoke again. “In camo speedos.”

“Lying on a hammock on the beach with ‘Greetings from the War’ in big yellow bubble letters.” I frowned.

Beth giggled before making a poor attempt at a straight face. “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s completely my fault. I should have stopped him.”

Beth’s smile disappeared. She touched my arm. “Nigh, you didn’t know to stop him.”

“No, I sure didn’t,” I said under my breath, knowing Jared could hear.

We tossed our empty cups into the trash before making our way to campus. The walk seemed longer than the years before. I remembered walking down the same street, wondering if I would run into Jared, hoping I could steal another moment with him. A smile touched my mouth as I looked behind us. The Escalade was parked across the street, half a block away.

So much had changed since I had sat on the park bench. Life had gone from bad to worse to wonderful to unbelievable, and now my days were as mundane as any other college sophomore. If only I could close my eyes without seeing my father, but that was asking for too much.

Beth would steal a peek at me now and then. Finally my curiosity outweighed my aversion to her lengthy explanations.

“Okay, Beth, do I have something on my face?” I asked.

“A booger,” Kim said without expression, pointing to my nose.

“I have a booger on my nose?” I gasped, my hand flying up to cover it.

“No,” Kim said.

Beth smiled. “It doesn’t look like you’ve had much sleep is all.”

My hand didn’t leave my face without wiping my nose a few times, and then I made a face at Kim. “I haven’t, I guess.”

“You guess?” Beth persisted.

“Bad dreams,” Kim said.

“How did you know?” I asked.

Kim shrugged. “Just a guess. What are they about?”

“Mostly Jack.”

Beth’s mouth slipped to the side, and then she frowned at Kim with disapproval. Kim didn’t flinch.

“What about your dad?” Kim said.

I scratched my head and watched for traffic—stalling, of course, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had turned.

“Just the way he died. But it’s different.”

“Different how?” Kim prodded.

Beth stopped mid-step. “Geez, Kim! Knock it off already!”

“Sometimes talking about it can help, Nina,” Kim said, ignoring Beth.

“Not today,” I said, looking up the aged brick of the business building. “I’ll see you guys at lunch.”

Class was endless. My mind filled with thoughts of Sasha, Jared, and Claire waiting in the unforgiving desert sun to save Ryan from himself. As time wound down, I felt more and more angry. Guilt followed me everywhere I went, and the lack of sleep left me irritated. By the time class was dismissed, I pushed through the door, paying no attention to the flabbergasted looks of the students I shoved past.

Kim stopped me in my tracks. “Whoa!”

A few breaths were necessary before I could speak. “Sorry, I was . . . I don’t know.”

“Class was that bad, huh?”

“I don’t remember,” I said, rubbing my temple where it had met with Kim’s bony shoulder.

Kim looked down the hall and then back at me. “Okay. What’s going on with you? You’re not yourself.”

“I’m just tired,” I said, sliding by her to escape down the stairs.

On the Greens, the closest bench took the brunt of my anger when I slammed my backpack into it before sitting down in a slump. My next class was in ten minutes, and I had no motivation to listen to the monotonous rules and itinerary.

The students passed, chuckling and chattering with the energy expected on the first day of school. The summer sun was already too warm for the early hour, and with no breeze, I could feel the beads of sweat forming between my clothes and the wood. Campus didn’t feel like home, anymore. I felt years from the giggles and laughter I shared with my friends sitting at lunch and coffee shops and the pub. My mood grew worse, and I refused to budge from my bench.

And then he sat beside me.

“Warm day, huh?” he asked without looking in my direction.

“I guess.”

“Did you miss the bus?” he asked, peeking at me from the corner of his eye.

I sighed. “I let it drive away so the love of my life could save me with a cab ride.”

He smiled. “I’m going to make this okay, baby. Ryan . . . The dreams . . . We’re going to figure this out.” He took me under his arm and then pressed his lips to my forehead. I let myself melt into his body, and the anger gradually slipped away. Backpack in hand, he gently tugged my fingers. “May I walk you to class?”

A quick nod from me prompted a slow pace across campus. We walked in silence, but he squeezed my hand intermittently to encourage me along. It didn’t feel right to be there without Ryan’s smiling face. Everyone would be reminded of his absence and why he left when we were at the pub or in study group. It was discomforting to say the least.

The day was long, but I muddled through it. Jared drove me to the office after classes, and dealing with Grant, mountains of paperwork, and training took my mind off darker thoughts.

“We’re moving you today,” Grant said with his bright smile and deep dimples.

“Moving where?” I asked, wondering what else I could possibly train for. I had been in every department of the company and had just begun the managerial training. In truth, I had mastered everything Grant could do long before my internship and could do it better. I had excellent rapport with the clients, and because of my hard work over the summer, the employees had embraced me. Short of sending me overseas, there was nothing I hadn’t seen.

“Over there,” Grant nodded.

I didn’t turn around. I knew where he was gesturing. He was moving me to my father’s office, the one space in the entire building I had avoided.

“I don’t need to do that yet,” I said, trying to mask my unease.

“Nina, you’re the CEO of this company. It’s time you took the office.”

“Why the hurry, Grant? Are you looking to retire?” I asked, fidgeting with my blouse.

“I’m not asking you to run the company, but you can’t gain respect from the staff filing downstairs with the interns. Solidify your position with your employees before you graduate and take over.”

The elevator opened and Sasha appeared, gliding a tube of lip gloss over her too-bright lip stick. “Grant, a package for you was sent to our office by mistake,” she said, handing him the large paper envelope. “I saw a shirt exactly like that on a homeless woman this morning,” she said, staring at me with repugnance. “There are better places to shop than the community thrift store, Nina, really.”

I looked down and then back at her, suddenly open to the idea of changing offices. “Sasha, glad you’re here. Grant wants me to take my father’s office. I’ll leave you in charge of transferring my things.”

“Your . . .?” Sasha looked to Grant for indemnity, but he raised his eyebrows expectantly. Her expression scrolled through several emotions ranging from shock to anger to defeat, and then she finally turned on her heels. “I’ll take care of that right away,” she said through her teeth.

Had I slept the night before, my mood would have soared, but I simply looked at the door of my father’s office and sighed.

Grant patted my shoulder. “You’ve earned it, peanut. And if it makes you feel better, I like the shirt.”

“Thanks,” I said, sliding from his touch.

Carl from maintenance exited the elevator and passed by with a tool bag, a bucket, and a squeegee. He stopped at my father’s office door and peered at the black block letters on the glass.

Jack Grey

CEO

He pulled a box knife from his pocket and began scratching at the letters.

“Don’t!” I yelled. Carl froze, and I hurried to the door, smoothing out the Y of my father’s name. “Leave it,” I said softly.

“Yes, ma’am,” Carl said, clearly rattled. He shot a glance to Grant and then left the way he came.

“I’m sorry. I assumed you’d want your name on your door. I thought you’d like it,” Grant said.

“They can both fit,” I said, as I headed for the elevator. “Just put my name under his.”

“You’re the boss,” Grant said, his expression matching his tone.

I pressed the button for the first floor and then leaned against the back wall of the elevator. “Too much for one day,” I whispered.

Above the door, the number one was lit in a soft glow, accompanied by a pleasant dinging sound. The double doors spread open, and I squinted from the sunlight penetrating through the glass walls of the lobby. To my surprise, Jared stood at the revolving door.

“It has been a lot for you today. Let’s go home.”

I smiled, remembering my whispers in the elevator.

He let me lean against him as we walked to the Escalade hand in hand. The gulls seemed particularly loud, calling to each other along the harbor. The breeze brought in the sweet stench of fish and motor oil. The sounds and smells surrounding Titan always reminded me of my father.

“It’s no wonder I’m having the dreams,” I said.

“What dreams?” Jared teased.

I smiled. “Coming here every day, being around everything that embodies what I remember about Jack, I’m just surrounded by him. It’s not some supernatural mystery.”

Jared replied only with a thoughtful nod. He was careful to avoid the subject during the ride home, sticking to the weather and happenings at Brown. Once we reached the loft, he was all too eager to start preparing dinner, so I left him to his thoughts and ran a bath in the downstairs tub.

After lingering far too long in the cooling water, I wrapped my towel around me and opened the door, noticing only one plate of food. Jared was in the corner, dripping with sweat.

“You ate without me?” I asked, sitting at the table.

“I didn’t want to disturb you,” Jared said, grunting with the massive amount of weight above him.

Jared was hiding something, and his behavior told me it was probably something I didn’t want to know.

I finished my dinner, started the dishwasher, and then made my way up the stairs. I slipped on my night gown and crawled into bed beside Jared. He was reading and put his book down long enough to kiss my forehead. I relaxed, trying to think peaceful thoughts. Wondering if I would wake up screaming wouldn’t help to keep the dreams away, so I forced my mind in the direction of Jared and our oak tree.

“No studying tonight?” Jared said.

“Test is Monday. I’m too tired tonight.”

Jared nodded. “Mom called today. Bex’s coming home tomorrow.”

A yawn interrupted my response, but I spoke in spite of it. “Oh?”

“I invited him over for dinner. I thought I could whip up a pot roast.”

I smiled, drifting off. “Sounds good.”

Just as Jared kissed me goodnight, I fell, dropping thousands of feet to a dusty wooden floor. Landing face down, my palms flat to the ground, I hesitated to move until I was sure of my surroundings. It was dark and quiet, except for the subtle disruption of the rustling papers. I turned my head, struggling to focus on two shadows on the floor, two hunched figures desperately searching.

I closed my eyes. “I’m not moving,” I said, balling my hands into fists. “I won’t watch.”

The rustling stopped, and Gabe whispered the warning to my father. “It’s too late.”

“I won’t watch you die tonight,” I said, gritting my teeth.

Jack and Gabe escaped with their book, and I sat on my knees. The shrieking echoed through the halls, and my heart beat faster. I stood, determined to stay focused on the room I was in, trying to ignore the fiendish and frightening noises growing louder as they closed in. It was my dream. I would stay.

The room blurred, and time pulled me away. My stomach tugged, and then I was gone, violently thrust to the roof. Gabe took my father in his arms and leaped with transcendental strength to the site of my father’s brutal end. Once again, I refused to move, locking my knees in place. The tugging began, but my feet remained on the ground.

Just then, countless shadows swept past, traveling with such momentum that my hair blew forward, as if two trains were passing at full speed on each side of me. The sounds that came from the shadows were indescribable, so loud that my hands automatically cupped over my ears. I screamed aloud to try to drown out the evil that saturated the space around me.

Then it was gone.

I waited. Sounds from the street below replaced the deafening roar of Shax and his minions. My knees buckled, letting my body fall to the ground.

“Please stop,” I whispered, knowing no one could hear.

My breathing accelerated. The air seemed thin, and the tugging began again. “No,” I pleaded, just as a hole opened up beneath me. I fell, landing on the wet cement of the alley.

A pair of familiar shoes stood before me, and I followed the tailored suit with my eyes to the face of my frightened father. His hands were wrapped around the book, his knuckles white. I closed my eyes, waiting for what would come next. The sounds of hands exploding through the door and the audible shredding of Jack’s clothing and skin were much more vivid when I refused to watch. The bones of his spine snapped as demons yanked him through the hole in the door and into the building to his brutal death.

I cried out, not so much a scream as a low guttural moan, sobbing for my father. The alleyway quaked as if the earth below was trembling in the presence of such evil. Dark turned to dim light, and I focused as Jared’s warm hands shook me awake.

“Nina?” he said, holding my cheeks in his hands, waiting for me to look him in the eye.

Once again soaked in my own sweat, I tore my nails from my palms, which were still clenched from trying to force myself to stay in one place. Jared looked down and then left for only a moment, bringing back two rags.

“Jesus, Nina,” he choked out.

The white towels hid the four tiny, half-moon gouges in each hand but quickly revealed the damage as they began to turn red.

Jared placed another rag, this one wet and cold, on my forehead, wiping away the sweat and tears. My eyes felt swollen and tight. Although the dream was over, I couldn’t stop crying. Jared’s expression was heartbreaking. It was the same expression he had when he let go of my hand in the emergency room, as if I were dying before his eyes.

“I can’t fix this,” he said, his voice breaking. “I don’t know what to do to help you.”

“You’re helping,” I said, my voice raspy and faint. I left the bloody rag on the blanket and touched my hand to his face. I was too tired to hold up my own arm, so it fell to the mattress. Streaks of blood marked Jared’s cheek, prompting me to turn my hand palm-up to see the oozing tears in my flesh.

“I’ll take care of that,” Jared said, reaching under the bed to fetch the first aid kit.

My head rested against the headboard as he tended to my wounds, kissing my fingers when he finished each hand.

“Jared?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” he said, his voice thick with agony.

“Would you make some coffee?”

“Yes.”

He left me alone, rushing downstairs. I looked down to my red-stained hands and then to the clock. It read three thirty. Rubbing my eyes, I struggled to block out the shrieking that still rang in my ears.

Jared returned with a steaming mug of dark, bitter caffeine. He sat beside me on the bed with renewed hope. “Okay,” he said, carefully passing the cup to me, “let’s talk about this.”

“No.”

“No?” My answer caught him off guard. It took him a moment to recoup. “Nina, there has to be a reason for this.”

I took a sip and sighed. “I told you. I’m at Titan every day. I’m surrounded by Jack and memories for hours at a time. Think about it. The dreams started shortly after I began my internship.”

“That doesn’t add up, Nina. You should be comfortable being there by now. The dreams should lessen, not get worse.”

An attempt at rational thought proved futile. My mind was clouded by fatigue, and it didn’t take long grow frustrated and give up. “I don’t want to think about it, Jared.”

“You must be exhausted. But let me try. Tell me about the dream.” Jared smiled when I conceded with a sigh. “Please?”

“It was different this time. I tried to control it and let it happen without me being there to watch, but it kept pulling me back.”

“What pulled you back?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. The dream? I would stand still and concentrate on staying in place, and then I would get pushed to the next scene. But once I stayed for a while, I saw something I ’hadn’t seen before.”

“Yeah?” he asked, anxious to find answers.

“The d—”

“Nina,” Jared said, firmly interrupting me.

Nodding with understanding, I continued. “I stayed behind. Gabe and Jack jumped to the next building as they always do, but this time I stayed on the roof and the others . . . They surrounded me. Dozens of them, hundreds of them—I don’t know—they surged past me.”

Jared nodded, still waiting for an epiphany.

“And then I fell through a hole, and I landed in the alley. I didn’t watch this time. I kept my eyes shut.”

“Did that help?”

“The noises were just as bad.”

He waited for something to come to him. Thoughts were clearly racing through his mind as he methodically checked off each scenario, each possible explanation, and then went on to the next. Frustration scrolled across his face and he stood, walking to the railing that ran along the edge of our bedroom. He looked down to the lower level, squeezing the metal bar so tightly it complained as he twisted his hands back and forth.

Coffee finally made its way through my body, rushing through my veins. I kicked the covers away and planted my bare feet on the cold floor. “Movie?” I asked, but he was lost in thought. In the subdued light, I could see his mouth moving, but he made no sound. “Jared?”

His lips continued to move, and the metal still whined under his grip.

“You’re going to break the railing,” I said, walking the few steps to reach him.

He stiffened under my touch. “They won’t answer.”

“Who?”

“Eli. Samuel. Anyone.”

“Maybe they’re busy.”

“Exactly,” he said, his shoulders falling. “I can feel how exhausted you are, Nina. I don’t know how you’re still functioning. I can feel the way your body tenses and panics when you’re having the dreams. I don’t want to frighten you, but this is . . . If you want to believe it’s Titan, okay, but I need to figure this out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m calling Bex. I’m going to have him come in for a few days while I try to find some answers.”

“You’re leaving?”

“Just for a few days, sweetheart.”

I grabbed his shirt, panic tightening my throat. We hadn’t been apart for so long, and the thought of even a few days without him frightened me. I would feel naked, vulnerable. “But you promised. You promised you’d never have to go away.”

“I did. I’m not going away,” he said, touching my cheek. “I’m a phone call away.”

“No. No. Send Bex.”

“Bex doesn’t have my connections, Nina, not yet. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for, and he doesn’t know the right questions to ask. I have to do this.”

I shifted my weight to one leg, trying to relax and play off my fears. “You can’t go. You can’t.”

Jared touched the thin skin under my eyes with his thumbs, silently pointing out the darkened circles. Without another word, he pulled his cell phone from his back pocket and dialed. “Bex. I need you to stay with Nina for a while.” He snapped his phone shut, keeping his eyes on mine.

“Don’t do this.”

Jared tucked my hair behind my ears. “You’re overreacting.”

“Please?”

“It’s only a few days.”

I frowned. “You don’t know that.”

“If I don’t find anything, I’ll just come back. Forty-eight hours and I’m right back here. I promise.”

“You promised you’d never leave me.”

He laughed at my stubbornness. “I’m not leaving you. I’m going to work.”

One side of my mouth turned up and I sighed. Jared leaned in, kissing my forehead with his warm, soft lips.

The engine of a speeding motorcycle grew closer to the loft, stopping just outside. Within seconds of its silence, a quiet knock came from the door. My smile melted away, and Jared threw a few things in a duffel bag as Bex sprawled out on the couch downstairs.

“Mom wants you to call,” Bex said, holding the remote in front of him, flipping on the television.

“Keep it down, Bex. Nina’s going to try to sleep.”

I crossed my arms, angry that he refused to compromise. “I can’t sleep without you. You think I’m exhausted now? Forty-eight hours from now I’m going to lapse into a coma.”

His arms encircled me, kissing me once more. “At least you’ll get some sleep.”

He was trying to keep the mood of his departure light. Jared didn’t enjoy leaving me anymore than I, but he felt strongly enough about my recurring nightmares to break a promise. That realization only left me more unsettled.

Jared gently pulled each of my fingers from his shirt. Imprints from where I had crumpled it between my fingers remained in the fabric, and I hastily ironed it out with the palm of my hands.

“Come home soon,” I whispered, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

Jared touched his lips to mine and then looked to his brother. “Bex?”

“Got this,” Bex said, lifting his thumb in the air.

Before my eyes finished blinking, he was down the stairs and out the door.

For a few moments, I felt nothing, but the second air filled my lungs, an overwhelming sense of sadness came over me. Jared hadn’t been more than a block away from me since I’d come to my senses and begged him back last May.

The bed seemed miles away, but I slowly made my way to it. The moment my backside sunk into the mattress, I heard purposeful stomping up the stairs. Bex ran at me full speed, jumping up and taking flight, landing precisely one inch away.

I didn’t flinch.

“Hey,” Bex said, elbowing me. “Death Jungle is on. Come watch it with me.”

“Where is Jared going?”

“I dunno. Come on,” he said. His voice was already deeper, and he had been taller than I was for several months. If I didn’t know he was still a kid, I would have thought he was a fellow college co-ed. He still hadn’t quite filled out—the only thing that gave him away.

He tugged on me to follow him downstairs, and I reluctantly agreed, resting my head on the arm of the sofa.

A ridiculous array of mutilation and mayhem filled the screen. Bex watched with unyielding focus, but my eyes struggled to stay open. Shifting to find a comfortable spot, I settled in and let my mind drift into oblivion. In the darkness, with the screams of dying jungle wanderers in the background, I somehow stayed away from the dark building and my father.

3. Four Feet

“Please?” Bex asked, holding open the passenger-side door.

I rolled my eyes. “Fine. Don’t tell your mom.”

“I won’t!” he said. He took my backpack and threw it in the back as I collapsed into the seat. Within seconds, he was beside me, starting the engine.

“You’re so cool,” he said with a wide grin.

“The only reason I’m letting you drive is because you completed your driving course at Cleet. If you can out-drive cops, I’m assuming you won’t wreck the only thing I have left of Jack’s.”

Bex frowned. “Buzz kill.”

He pulled away from the loft, using his blinker and obeying every traffic law along the way. I watched the trees pass, the reds and oranges signaling the arrival of fall. Jared’s whereabouts lingered in the forefront of my mind, but the wall I had learned to build around my feelings had long been routine. I didn’t want Jared to make a mistake or get injured because he sensed my anxiety.

“Coffee shop, oh-seven-hundred,” Bex reported, pulling behind Kim’s dilapidated Sentra.

I shot him a look of disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Jared said you were to meet with friends, Kim and Beth, to be prompt, and to keep watch one block north with front door in sight.”

“It’s me, Bex. Don’t act like a military robot. It creeps me out.”

Bex smiled. “I just want to do this right.”

I returned his smile and gave him a hug. “You’re doing great,” I said before stepping out onto the sidewalk.

Shoving my hands in my pockets to ward off the frosty morning air, I walked toward the front door of our favorite coffee place. The green door swung open and shut with patrons coming and going several times before I reached the handle. Just as I walked in, someone ran into me from behind, nearly sending me to the floor.

A familiar giggle tittered behind me. “Geez, I’m sorry!” Beth said, undoubtedly putting forth every bit of her southern charm. “I was trying to catch you.”

My brows turned in. “Okay. Why?”

She shoved a piece of notebook paper at me. “This. Josh got this in the mail yesterday, and he gave it to Chad. It’s from Ryan.”

I ripped it out of her hand and scanned it. Everything seemed to be fine. He had completed boot camp and was now in specialized training—something about explosives and being a weapons expert.

“Great,” I said.

“But he’s doing well! He seems okay, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, returning the paper.

Kim shoved me from behind. “Hey!”

“What is with you two today?” I said.

“I saw Beth do it. It looked fun. Can I kick you later?” Kim asked, her expression void of humor.

“No, you most certainly cannot.” I turned to order, craning my neck once more at Kim to prove I was not in the mood for her antics.

We settled in at our usual table, grumbling about upcoming tests and papers. Beth shared Ryan’s letter with Kim and complained about cutting back more hours at work, making their cupboards more bare than usual. As Kim and Beth discussed Chad’s foul mood due to his feeling that his man-of-the-house status was at risk, I had an epiphany.

“What are you getting paid now?” I asked.

“Beans,” Beth said.

“Well, I am the CEO of Titan Mercantile. I need an assistant.”

Beth immediately perked up. “What are the hours? My classes are at quirky times, you know.”

“I know,” I nodded. “If you can swing at least an hour a day, whenever you can get in, I’ll match the pay you were making this summer. You had a little breathing room then, right?”

“That’s robbery!” Beth squeaked.

“Oh, shut up,” Kim snapped. “Nina has money to burn. She doesn’t even get paid to work there.”

“Yet,” I interceded.

Kim continued, “She’s your rich friend, Oklahoma; take advantage.”

“You have interns for that stuff,” Beth said, shaking her head dismissively.

“They’re busy.”

After a short moment of thought, Beth’s mouth spread into a wide smile. “Really?”

“Really.”

She threw herself across the table and wrapped her arms around my neck. “I can’t wait to tell Chad! I’m sorry. I have to go!” She picked up her things and took a few steps, turning on her heels. “When do I start?”

I smiled patiently. “When can you start?”

“Next week?”

“See you Monday.”

Beth’s already broad smile stretched to its limit. She pulled the door open, walking with renewed energy in her step.

“Public displays of generosity make me a little queasy,” Kim deadpanned.

“Why do you think I did it?” I asked.

“You’re sick,” she said, winking. “So what do you think about Ryan’s note?”

“He wrote Josh and didn’t write me; that’s what I think.” I sniffed.

“Nigh.”

“I know,” I said, looking out the window.

“You don’t know. You thought he’d stick around and pine for you for years until he’d finally move to the mountains, vowing to be a hermit until he died of a broken heart. He was in love with you; he did something drastic. Let it go.”

“I do not want him to pine for me. I don’t want him dying because I hurt him either!”

Kim watched me for a moment, unaffected by my anger. “You don’t look as tired today. Did the dreams go away?”

“No,” I snapped.

“But you slept last night?”

“Yes. Jared left town, and it’s as if I fell into a coma or something.”

“Interesting,” Kim said. I turned to look at her, but she was staring out the window as if she were searching for something.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said, turning to face me.

“You’re acting weird.”

“So?” Kim said in her unapologetic way.

“You’re right. It’s no different than any other day.”

We gathered our things, and then Kim offered to drive me to campus. I nodded in Bex’s direction as subtly as I could and then yanked on the passenger door of the Sentra. It opened just a crack, and then it was stuck.

“Really?” I complained.

Kim patiently walked around the front of the car, shooing me out of the way. With a light tug, she opened the door without effort and then returned to her side. We both fell into our seats, and I waited for Kim to go through her routine of a fake Catholic prayer before she started the engine.

“How this car still runs is beyond me. How did it survive your summer road trip?”

Kim shrugged. “She stayed behind. I rented a car.”

“Oh yeah? That far? That’s pretty expensive, Kim. How did you afford it?” I asked.

Kim slowed at a red light and waited before answering. “I told you. I robbed a few liquor stores on the way.”

“The truth this time.”

“I just told you,” Kim said, stoically.

“You robbed a liquor store? Like with a gun?”

“And pantyhose.”

The light turned green, and we rode in silence until we reached campus. Kim helped me with the door, and then we walked together, our first class being in the same building. As we walked, I felt a burning question bubble up inside of me. The answer was potentially something I would forever regret knowing. Regardless, I had to know.

“You didn’t really rob a liquor store, did you, Kim?” I said, feeling ridiculous for asking.

“No,” she said, turning in the direction of her class.

I waited in the hall, watching her walk away. I had been so preoccupied with my dreams I failed to realize Kim’s stories hadn’t added up, and I didn’t catch that she was using her sarcasm to hide something. But hide what? That was all I needed: something new to obsess about.

Bex was waiting for me when I walked out to the parking lot, in the same spot the Escalade usually sat. I was still twenty feet away when Bex relieved me of my backpack and escorted me the remainder of the way to the BMW. He watched me for a moment, with his big blue eyes.

“Yes,” I said, opening the passenger door.

A large boyish grin radiated from one side of his mouth to the other, and he enthusiastically commandeered the driver’s seat once more. “Jared called, but you were in class.”

“Convenient.”

“He wanted you to be updated the second you were finished. He hasn’t had much luck—a few leads. He’s carrying them out today, and he’ll be home tomorrow night as promised.”

“Why didn’t he call me himself?” I asked, unable to clear the venom from my voice. The anger stemmed from the pain of missing him. Ironically, letting an emotion slip now and then made it easier to control them.

Bex sighed. “He misses you. He was afraid hearing your voice would make it worse. He didn’t want you to talk him into coming home.”

One corner of my mouth turned up, but I quickly subdued it. “I’ve got to stop by the office for a sec.”

“Yep,” Bex nodded, turning in the direction of Titan.

~*~

The evening consisted of homework and dinner. Bex proved to be an accomplished cook, no doubt learning from Lillian as Jared did. He whipped up an amazing Pasta Chick Pea Salad followed by Peppered Shrimp Alfredo. I was so full by the time he served dessert that I didn’t have enough room to fully appreciate the small slice of cheesecake he placed in front of me.

“You’re spoiling me,” I said, leaning back in my chair.

“I happened to know Jared cooks for you all the time. I’m just trying to continue the lifestyle to which you’ve become accustomed.”

I raised my eyebrows and smirked. “If you say so.”

“And I like to cook,” he said, smiling.

“It’s a wonder I haven’t gained fifty pounds living with Jared,” I said, taking my plate to the sink.

“I got these. Go rest,” Bex said, pulling the plate from my hands.

“Quit it. It’s fifty-fifty around here.”

“Yeah, but I can do them faster.” He smirked.

“True,” I said, yawning.

I trudged up the stairs. Gluttony, in addition to weeks without a proper night’s sleep, left me nearly debilitated. My sluggish arms struggled with the pink striped pajamas I’d managed to pull from the drawer, and once my body collapsed to the mattress, I was unable to open my eyes.

And then it was morning—no Jack, no Gabe, no Shax. I had slept an entire night without a single dream, much less a nightmare. I remembered nothing. A full night of sleep was less than a memory, and it was strange to feel rested.

The smell of bacon grease filled the air. I bounced out of bed and trotted to the railing.

“Did you sleep?” I asked Bex, who was bouncing to a tune in his head.

“Yeah,” he called. “I was all prepared to tend to your early morning psychotic episodes Jared keeps talkin’ about. I’m disappointed.”

“Well, I’m not,” I said, retreating to the shower.

A night without the dream didn’t make sense. We had been by the office; I had even spoken briefly to Kim about the dreams and nothing. Whatever it was, I had to believe the nightmares were over. Sleeping all night in Jared’s arms without waking up screaming and soaking the sheets with my own sweat was definitely something to look forward to. I was even more excited for him to come home.

“Did he call?” I asked, tightening my belt as I descended the stairs.

“No, but Cynthia did.”

“Oh? Did she say why?”

“I don’t know, Nina. Maybe because you haven’t spoken to her in three weeks? She starts noticing when she runs out of charity events to keep her busy.”

“Okay, okay,” I said, picking up my phone.

“Good morning, darling,” Cynthia said before the first ring finished.

“How are you?”

“Busy, busy. Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? I haven’t seen you in . . . You know I don’t remember? How ridiculous. Come to dinner. Six o’clock.”

“Yes, Mother.”

“See you then, dear.”

“That was quick,” Bex said, sliding two eggs from the spatula onto my plate.

“Thank you. It always is. She’s not one for lengthy phone conversations.”

Bex replied with a nod. He was becoming so much like Jared—not one for many words—but it was obvious what he was thinking just by the slightest change in his eyes. Not that a child of Lillian’s would be any different, but I was so proud of the man Bex was quickly becoming. He made me feel just as safe as Jared or Claire did, and he was one of the kindest people I knew.

Bex was a constant reminder of the night Shax’s henchmen tried to capture me in Lillian’s home and the subsequent months I spent without Jared. Every time Bex was around and each time someone mentioned his name, the sound of Harry Crenshaw’s vertebrae snapping resonated in my mind. Bex killing anyone seemed so impossible, but I knew better than anyone that impossible didn’t exist.

The ride to Brown was long. Each passing minute of each class was an eternity. Even lunch seemed to drag on. The clock demanded my attention within minutes of the last time I had looked at it. Normally the irritation surrounding me would be unbearable, but catching up on lost sleep seemed to help.

“Is that a no?” Beth asked, nudging me.

“Huh?” I said, realizing I had missed a large chunk of the table conversation. We sat in our usual spot at the Ratty with one chair remaining empty in honor of Ryan’s absence. It was then I noticed a second chair was also empty.

“I said have you heard from Kim? She wasn’t in American Public’s class. She’s not here. I tried her cell but got her voice mail.”

“No, I haven’t,” I said, glancing around the Ratty, “not since this morning.”

Beth frowned, leaning against Chad as she always did when she was unsettled. “She never misses class.”

Our lunch table was relatively quiet after that, making the minutes pass even more slowly if that was possible.

The afternoon seemed like an eternity, and by the time Bex dropped me off at the front entrance of Titan, I was crawling out of my skin.

Sasha seemed the likely target on which to vent my frustration, but she wasn’t in. Annoyed, I rode the elevator to the third floor, settling on Grant as a second choice.

“Afternoon, peanut,” Grant called from his office.

“Piss off.”

Instantly, I felt better.

“If you didn’t own the company, I would fire you for insubordination,” he said with an amused grin.

“Insubordination requires disregard of a command. I simply responded to your greeting,” I said, stopping abruptly at my office door.

“Is that what you had in mind?” Grant asked, shoving his hands in his pockets, oozing with pride.

“I . . .” I stumbled over the words, reading the letters once more.

Nina Grey

Acting CEO

Jack Grey

CEO

“It’s barely dry,” Grant said, teetering back and forth.

I looked out the closest window and anywhere else in the room other than the door to hide my expression.

“It’s fine,” I said, pushing past him and shutting the door before he could speak again.

Taking a deep breath, I let my body melt into the door. The office still smelled of mahogany, wood polish, and the slightest hint of tobacco. It was as if the room had frozen in time the second he died. I could almost hear him talking loudly and authoritatively on the telephone.

I walked across the room slowly, noting the pictures of him with members of Congress, plaques, a coat of arms, and degrees that adorned the walls. To my disgust, the large painting of my mother and me still hung between the two large windows overlooking Fleet Rink.

“That’s going to have to go,” I said, collapsing into Jack’s large, black leather chair.

The stack of unopened envelopes was my first order of business, and then I read my company emails. Bored as I was, at least it kept my mind from Jared and the time. Just as the sun began to set, my cell phone chirped.

“Hey Bex,” I said through a yawn, “almost done.”

“Well, that’s good news, sweetheart,” Jared said.

“Hi!” My voice was far too high to feign anything but elation. In reaction, I leaned over to look out the window to the street. No black Escalade. “You’re not coming home tonight, are you?” I said, deflated.

“On the contrary, I will be home at ten. Is that too late for dinner?”

The road noise should have given it away, but I had expected to be disappointed. “Where are you?”

“On the road.”

I sighed. “Do I need security clearance for that answer?”

Jared laughed. “I’ll tell you all about it when I get home. Bex tells me you had a good night’s sleep last night. Is this true?”

“It is. No bad dreams.”

“I look forward to watching you sleep the whole night through, then.”

“See you soon.” I smiled.

My steps were light as I made my way out of the building, and I couldn’t contain my smile when I sat in the passenger seat of the BMW.

“You talked to Jared,” Bex said with a knowing smile.

“He’s coming home.”

“We better go move his stuff around and hide his home gym,” Bex smiled, pulling away from the curb. “He’ll hate that.”

I laughed. “You’re in charge of the home gym. I’ll mix up the forks and spoons.”

“I got it covered,” Bex said with a mischievous grin. “You have dinner plans.”

“Oh, right,” I said, sinking into the seat with a huff.

Bex sped to Jared’s faster and with more precision than any television car chase I’d ever seen, much less been a part of. He jerked the wheel and let the Beemer slide, counter-clockwise, into the loft’s parallel parking spot.

“One of you will get pulled over one of these days, and I’m going to laugh,” I said, trying to steady myself once my feet hit the pavement.

“Our boss has plenty of money to bail us out.” He smiled.

“I won’t bail you out. I’ll laugh.”

“Even if it was Jared?” Bex said, escorting me up the iron steps.

“Especially if it was Jared.”

“I don’t believe you. And if Claire found out about it . . .”

“You’re right. I’d bail you out.” I nodded.

I changed clothes quickly and then followed Bex to the Beemer once again, letting him drive like a controlled maniac to my mom’s home.

Arriving within minutes, Bex jumped out of the driver’s side to open my door. We traded small talk as he walked with me up the concrete steps, both of us hoping it would be one of our shorter visits. Just as I reached for the handle, Cynthia opened the door, startling me.

“Mother.”

“Agatha is ill today. I’ve barely been able to tend to dinner. Of all days for her to get sick,” Cynthia said, looking uncharacteristically disheveled. Her eyes targeted Bex.

“Good evening, Mrs. Grey,” Bex said.

She nodded politely. “Will you be joining us, Bex?”

“No, ma’am. I’m simply covering a shift.”

Cynthia’s cold eyes narrowed at him as she held out her arm to usher me into the house.

“I’ll wait here,” Bex whispered.

“Probably safer,” I mouthed.

She wasted no time. “And where is Jared?”

“Er, resting,” I said, cringing at my words. Surely I would be better at lying on the spot by now.

“Hmm,” she said, clearly unconvinced. She didn’t press the issue; I assumed it was because of the fact that I was safe. Beyond that, she didn’t bother to question.

The table had been set, but I helped bring out the soup, salad, and entrée.

“I’m sorry I always have to ask,” I said, waiting for her infamous scowl.

“You’re predictable,” she snapped. Her expression soon smoothed as she scanned the table. “I thought I would try something different: chicken coconut soup and wild mushroom fricassee over polenta.”

“Whatever that is,” I said, overwhelmed.

“Nina, really. You act as though you were fed take-out your entire life. I have always enjoyed cooking.”

“And you never cease to surprise me,” I said, smiling.

She didn’t ask about Jared’s whereabouts again. We stumbled over the small talk and politely discussed the weather. Cynthia hadn’t mentioned my father since I returned home from the hospital. I wondered if she ever would. The residual circles under my eyes were a brief topic of conversation, and then I helped her clean the dinner dishes before saying good-bye.

“Dinner was uneventful?” Bex asked, holding the passenger door of the Beemer open.

My eyes narrowed at my former home. “She’s up to something. You’re sure she hasn’t called or talked to Jared?”

“Haven’t heard a word.” Bex shrugged.

At the loft, I found myself struggling to stay awake to witness Jared’s homecoming. Reality television kept my attention for a while, but I finally trudged up the stairs in defeat.

Aw, but they’re going to get in the hot tub in a second. The girls get in a cat fight. It’s funny!”

“Wake me when he gets home,” I said.

“Aye, aye, El Capitan,” he responded.

“You know you’re not supposed to speak foreign languages to me,” I grumbled, falling into the bed with my clothes on. My voice wasn’t loud enough to travel to the first level, but Bex could hear, regardless.

“I wasn’t. Never mind,” Bex said, too involved in the hot tub disco party to argue.

Just as I closed my eyes, they popped open again. The alarm clock on Jared’s side read nine-thirty.

“You okay, Nina?” Bex called up. “Bad dreams?”

“No,” I whispered. Just that minuscule bit of effort was all I could manage. I hadn’t realized I was so tired, and it was so much easier to fall asleep without the fear of screaming myself awake.

Ice was beneath me, and my bare toes wiggled against the smooth, shiny whiteness below. That was the only way I was aware it was a dream—my feet were warm and comfortable. My father’s office window came into view above me. I was standing alone in the middle of Fleet Rink. Soon my naked feet were adorned with a pair of new ice skates, and Jack stood in the window, smiling down at me. A crowd of people, young and old, circled the space where I stood. Sporting matching red noses, their misty breath puffed out with each word or laugh.

I waved to him and he waved back. Pushing forward, I could hear the blade of my skate scratching the surface of the ice. Looking up again, I noticed Jack was no longer smiling. Instead he bobbed in and out of visibility, pacing back and forth in his office, and then I saw Gabe.

They were arguing.

Oh no, I thought, feeling the tugging feeling again. No!

Back in the dusty, stale office, I landed on all fours again. Anger surged through me. My nights had been just returning to normal. I wanted to sleep all night in Jared’s arms. I wanted him to see that things were getting better, that I was getting better.

“I’m not doing this again!” I yelled, stomping a few steps toward them.

They ignored me, repeating the same scripted dialogue from before.

“Stop!” I said. “I don’t want to do this anymore!”

“Are you sure you want to do this, Jack?” Gabe asked.

My mouth formed around each of Jack’s words. “Are you sure it’s her, Gabe?” He paused for Gabe’s reply and then continued, “Then you know the answer.” I shook my head from side to side as I spoke along with him, copying him like a toddler, angry and snide.

A ferocious rage overtook me, and I grabbed the book from Jack’s hands.

Time stopped. Several times before, I had attempted to physically interrupt and failed. Jack, Gabe, and the book were always very real, but when I tried to interfere, they were the consistency of a hologram. This time the book was in my hands.

Gabe’s head turned up in quick motion to face me, his eyes a solid black. “Ars Notoria,” he whispered in a voice not his own.

The change of events frightened me. I stumbled back, away from my father and his friend. They were frozen in time like everything else in the room. Even the moonlit dust motes were hanging motionless in the air, but I could hear the screeches of the demons as they approached.

The dimensions of the room stretched, and the wood groaned and creaked. As I worked to keep my feet beneath me, I gripped the book tighter in my hands. The possibility of taking it back with me crossed my mind. It was the only reason I would be able to take it from Gabe.

I looked to the large window and closed my eyes. “It’s just a dream,” I said softly, confident the fall would wake me up. Opening my eyes with the Naissance de Demoniac in my hands wouldn’t be the most impossible thing that had ever happened to me.

In a full sprint, I bounded for the window, bracing myself to leap through the glass and into the night, but before I could, a searing pain spread throughout my hands. I abruptly stopped and threw the book to the ground. Although the leather no longer touched my skin, the parts of my fingers and palms that had been in direct contact with the binding were charred and smoldering. My hands shook violently as the burns traveled up my arms, and I wailed at the intense heat spreading throughout my body; it was as if I were on fire. The sensation was unlike anything I had experienced before, but I couldn’t imagine anything more excruciating.

The sound emanating from my throat didn’t sound like my own as I protested the torture consuming me. Any moment the demons would come, and I would beg them for death.

A hole opened up beneath me and I fell. In that instant, the pain was gone, and a soft, cool mattress was beneath me. Jerking to a sitting position, I held my arms in front of me. They were peach and unblemished.

Jared and Bex stood next to the bed with terror in their eyes.

“She was at least four feet above the bed!” Bex said, his eyes wide. “Has that happened before?”

“No,” Jared said, his expression exponentially more intense than the agonized look I had been accustomed to waking up to. He was afraid.

“Above the bed?” I asked, confused.

Bex sat on the bed and watched me for a moment then took the sheet and wiped the sweat from my hairline. “You were seriously hovering! It was something straight out of the Exorcist!”

I hoped for one moment that Bex was being Bex, trying to make light of the situation. Gauging the storms in Jared’s eyes, it was true.

“How is that even possible? What does that mean?” I said, frightened.

Jared looked away.

Bex tugged lightly on my shirt. “Same dream?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I was angry, so angry that I took the book from them. It was in my hands.”

“You’ve tried that before, and your hands went right through it.” Jared said, his eyes on the floor.

“Not this time. I was so damn mad that I screamed at them and then grabbed the book. And then Gabe . . . He looked at me.”

Jared knelt beside me then. I touched his face. He was desperate for guidance from his father. “It wasn’t him,” I warned. “His eyes were solid black—like Shax’s.”

Bex shook his head. “How can that be? If it were d— them, I would have known. The whole time you were stretched out, suspended, there were none.

“Bex,” Jared warned.

“Not a single one,” Bex continued, lost in thought. “They crowd Mom’s house more than that.”

“None?” Jared asked. Bex nodded and Jared stood up again and then began to pace. Finally, he spoke, “Something’s wrong.”

“But you can feel them too,” I said to Jared. His question to Bex puzzled me.

“I can. Bex is more tuned-in to their presence—more so than any hybrid. His sensitivity to them rivals Samuel’s.”

“Sometimes I can tell when they’re even thinking about coming around,” Bex added.

Bex’s frown instantly alarmed me. My mind raced over every second of the dream, trying to think of something that might help. I wasn’t sure why they were so disturbed, but for Bex in particular, uncertainty was not something they handled well.

“Ars Notes something,” I said.

Jared’s face transformed from worry to anger. “What?”

I searched my memories again. “Gabe said, ‘Ars Notary’ or ‘Ars Notes’—something like that.”

Bex looked to his older brother. “Ars Notoria.”

“That’s it!” I said. “What does it mean?”

Jared sat on the edge of the bed and tenderly touched the sides of my jaw, looking into my eyes. “The Ars Notoria is a grimoire. It is the fifth and final part of the Lesser Key of Solomon, a collection of prayers given to Solomon by an angel. Those prayers can act as an invocation to God’s angels.” Jared must have noticed the look of utter ignorance on my face, because he immediately dumbed-down his explanation. “It means we’re going to have to get a Naissance de Demoniac. My father knew I would know of the Ars Notoria. I think it was his way of putting his signature on what’s happening to you.”

My brows pushed together. “What are you saying?”

“It’s not demons doing this to you,” Bex said, seeming vexed.

“That leaves one thing,” Jared said.

“You think it’s Gabe,” I said, horrified.

Jared pulled me closer and then leaned his cheek against my hair. “We need that book.”

4. Exhaustion

The coffee shop meetings stopped. My chair at study group had been filled due to my persistent absences. The only friend from school that I kept in contact with was Beth, and that was only because she was my assistant at Titan.

Fielding her constant questions about my behavior was exasperating, but her help had become indispensable. The dreams were a nightly event, and the sleep deprivation wore on me so much that half of the time I needed Beth to remind me what day it was.

The nightmares were also wearing on Jared, who left me with Bex every day to search for Shax’s bible. It didn’t take him long to figure out that the second he closed his eyes my nightmares would begin, and minutes later, screams would echo throughout the loft.

A new semester had begun, and still the dreams came. By spring break, Jared grew desperate. Every day he sought Eli and asked Samuel for help. He’d even taunted Gabriel for an answer, and every time, he came home frustrated and empty-handed.

“Coffee?” Jared asked, his voice tired.

“Yes, please.”

Once again, our day began at three eleven a.m. I worked on a few papers and studied while the coffee still kept my brain functional. Once the heaviness set in, Jared brewed another pot.

“At some point, this has got to be bad for you,” Jared frowned. “I can’t get anyone to tell me anything. I don’t know how our fathers found where Shax kept the book in the first place. Word gets around. They must know what we’re up to. I wouldn’t be surprised if I had to travel to Hell to get it.”

Weary of the same dialogue, I rubbed my eyes and nodded.

Jared sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m frustrated, and with all the caffeine in your system, it makes me feel a little anxious.”

“Ugh! I forgot about that,” I said, setting my mug on the table.

The morning sun cast an amber tone against the walls. Summer was just around the corner. My friends at school were discussing tropical vacations and family reunions, and I was too tired to think about the next hour.

My cell phone rang, and I fished in my purse to answer. “Hey Beth.” I sighed. “What’s up?”

“Kim and I are meeting for coffee. Again. Like we do every morning. And you’re invited. Again. Like every morning. Are you going to flake out? Again? Like you do every morning?”

“Sorry. I’ve already had a pot of coffee this morning. I’ll see you in class.”

Beth paused. I could hear a muffled, irritated voice in the background. Beth was obviously covering the phone with her hand. “Er, Kim says . . . Kim wants you to come.”

“I have a feeling that’s not what she said.” I frowned.

After the sound of a scuffle, Kim spoke into the phone. “We are going to be at the coffee shop in thirty minutes. And you are going to be there, too, or the Sentra and I will come get you, and you will ride all the way there strapped to the roof like a freakin’ Christmas tree. You got me?”

I held the phone away from my ear as she yelled and then cautiously held it within talking distance. “I got you.”

“Okay, then,” Kim said, satisfied.

“Sorry,” Beth whispered before ending the call.

“Sounds as if your friends miss you.” Jared grinned.

“They probably just want to yell at me and ask me questions,” I said, stuffing books into my bag.

“You should tell them the truth. They’ll just think you’re crazy and let it go.”

I laughed. “You have a point. It’s the one time I can be honest with them and not worry about them believing me.”

“They wouldn’t believe you anyway,” Jared said, kissing the top of my head. “I can take you today.”

“I know better than to think you’ve given up.”

“No, I’m still working,” he said, keys in hand.

Beth and Kim sat with me at our usual table. They both watched me until I began to feel like a zoo animal. An interrogation was imminent. Beth’s expression was unsure, nervous. Kim seemed just the opposite. She was ready to pounce.

Beth looked to Kim before she spoke. “How’s Ryan?”

Her question took me off guard. I had expected more questions about the circles under my eyes or the gallons of caffeinated drinks I’d consumed during the day.

“He doesn’t write much anymore.”

“You don’t talk about him anymore,” Beth said without pause.

“How’s Jared?” Kim asked.

“He’s . . . fine. Why?”

Kim crossed her arms. “What does he think about the fact that you’re a zombie these days?”

I shrugged. “He wants to fix it.”

“How’s that?” Kim asked.

Too tired for tough questions, my words were more acerbic than I’d intended. “He’s a guy, Kim. Guys want to fix everything.”

Beth nodded. “If a hammer and nails could solve it all . . .”

“What’s he doing to fix it?” Kim prodded.

“Research,” I said, blinking away the urge to let my eyes close.

Beth frowned in reaction. “Nina, you fell asleep on your desk yesterday. Grant is grilling me about what’s going on with you. I don’t even know what the truth is so I can keep from telling him.”

“You won’t accidentally tell him, I promise,” I grumbled as I sipped from the plastic lid of my coffee cup.

“The truth is that far-fetched?” Kim asked.

My stomach began to complain from both the amount of hot liquid swirling inside it and the irritating predicament I was in. Being impatient and upset so often due to the lack of sleep took a toll on my appetite, and the overabundance of coffee in my system made me feel ill on a regular basis.

I stood. “We’re going to be late.”

“Are you sick, Nina?” Beth asked.

“No,” I said. My nausea was not what she was referring to.

“Do you have some disease you’re not telling us about?”

“No, Beth.”

“Could Jared be poisoning you?” she blurted out.

I laughed once, shocked. “Is that why you two brought me here?”

“Are you two into something we don’t know about? Voodoo-Witchcraft—Satanist crap?” Kim asked.

“What would even make you say that?” I said, my patience thin.

“Just answer the question,” Kim said flatly.

“No. I’m not being haunted by demons if that’s what you’re getting at, Kim.” A part of me wondered if that’s what she was asking. She always seemed to be right on the edge of the truth and had the habit of asking all the right questions. Beth being there was just a cover. She knew something.

“I didn’t ask if you were,” Kim said. For the first time since I’d met her, she was uncomfortable. I watched her for a moment before she pulled on her coat and grabbed her keys from the table. “Class starts in ten.”

Beth and Kim watched me with concern as I waved them away and walked to class. It was on the top floor, and I regretted the decision to take the stairs by the second flight. My body felt ten years older. Two or three hours of sleep a night had begun to wear on my muscles, my train of thought, and my patience.

My reflection in a trophy case in the hallway caught my eye, and I stood there amazed. The purplish circles had deepened under my eyes, and my skin was too tired to stay in place. The corners of my mouth hung lazily, and the light in my eyes was gone.

Class was just a few steps away, but my body felt too drained to make the trip. I leaned against the wall. The professor had already begun class, and I listened as intently as I could from the hallway. His words blurred together as he went over the last week’s test and then lectured for what seemed like an eternity. The reading assignment was discussed in brief before class let out early.

Even as the other students passed, I let the wall support my weight. The walk to campus from the coffee shop, coupled with the energy I’d exerted taking the stairs, had taken everything out of me. Standing upright was the only thing I was capable of.

After watching the last of my classmates leave for other venues, I focused on the elevator. It was half way down the hall but would take less effort than taking the stairs. I took a deep breath and pushed myself away from the wall. My feet felt as if they had been soaking in cement and towing fifty-pound blocks with each step. My knees began to wobble, and I could feel beads of sweat form on my forehead. Stopping to rest was not an option. If I paused for even a moment, I would have passed out in the hallway.

Finally reaching the elevator, I pushed the button and took a deep, ragged breath. Even breathing took effort. The door opened, and Jared stood before me.

Knowing better than to pretend everything was normal, I reached for his arm and let him support my weight as I took the few steps to stand next to him.

“Nina,” he said quietly into my ear, “I think it’s time—”

“I know,” I said. “We have to find someone.”

He walked with me for a while, but once we were in the parking lot, my legs gave way. Jared lifted me into his arms and carried me the remaining distance to the Escalade. My eyes shut and would not open.

I didn’t wake when Jared carried me inside the loft, nor did I feel the mattress beneath me when he lowered me into it and covered me with blankets. It wasn’t until the sun broke through the blinds that I realized I had been tucked in and slept sixteen hours straight.

“Jared?” I called, my voice raspy.

“Nope, it’s just me,” Bex said. He sat on the bed, seeming vexed.

“What wrong? And where’s Jared?”

“He’s been gone since yesterday evening. He caught a break.”

“What’s with the face?”

“You slept.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” I asked, sitting up against the headboard.

“Not for Jared. This makes the third time you’ve slept solid when he’s been gone all night. Can’t be a coincidence.”

I laughed once. “Are you saying he’s causing the dreams?”

“I’m saying it’s a possibility the dreams go away when he’s not around.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I sneered.

“I’m probably right,” Bex said, his teenage confidence overriding his usual politeness. In that moment, he was more Claire than Jared. “And Jared’s going to take it hard.”

“No, he’s not because you’re not going to tell him,” I said firmly.

“Nina, I have to tell him. You know that.”

“My sleep was interrupted by my annoying, incessant screaming at three eleven a.m. just like every other morning. That’s the story.”

“You don’t think he’ll know?”

“He’s been distracted. It could work.”

“It won’t.”

“Bex! At least try!”

Bex stood up and crossed his arms. “He’ll know, and then he won’t trust me ever again because I helped you lie to him. Do you know how imperative it is that we trust each other? You really have gone crazy.”

He walked down the stairs in a huff, and I blew my bangs from my face, aggravated. Even in his disgust, Bex began making breakfast, and after a shower, I joined him at the table.

“Something came for you yesterday,” Bex said, tossing an envelope on the table.

It was from Ryan.

I tore it open and scanned it over for signs of sadness or danger, and then I reread his words more slowly. I went over them again in disbelief.

“What?” Bex asked.

“He’s been accepted into the Special Forces.”

Bex laughed. “Are you serious? That little butt nugget?”

“It’s not funny, Bex! This is . . . Did you know? Has Claire called?”

“No and no,” Bex said matter-of-factly.

“Did Jared say anything?” I said, grabbing for my cell.

“Nina,” Bex said, holding my wrists gently, “I’m sure it’s a miscommunication. Ryan hasn’t been in the Army long enough to get into the Special Forces. That’s unheard of. I don’t see him cutting it anyway. If my sister can incapacitate him, I’m guessing he’s a big weenie.”

“Claire is a hybrid, Bex! That’s an unfair basis for comparison, and you know it.”

Bex giggled. The little boy in him was showing. “You’re much more fun when you’ve had some sleep. I can’t pass up a chance to give you a hard time when you’re coherent.”

“Not a good time, Bex,” I said, staring at my plate. The one day I could have eaten, Ryan’s letter eliminated any appetite I might have had. “You really think it’s a mistake?”

“Yeah,” Bex said. “No way could that happen. It would take at least three years for someone like him: no education, no connections.”

Jared opened the door with an apologetic smile. “Hi, baby.”

“Not even a note?” I asked, wadding up the letter in my hand and tossing it in his general direction.

He playfully ducked, as if it were possible that I could have hit him. “Bex was here. What’s up? I’m three blocks away, and I’m getting all this irritation from you.”

“Did you know about Ryan?” I asked.

“He’s still alive. I know that,” Jared said, peeling off his coat. He hung it on the rack and then walked to me, kneeling beside me on the floor. “You read the letter?”

“He said he’s going into the Special Forces.”

Jared thought for a moment and then shook his head. “No, the shortest time for anyone to be accepted is eighteen months in. That can’t be right.”

“That’s what I told her, but she doesn’t believe me,” Bex said, rolling his eyes. He walked over to the wadded letter and reopened it, scanning the words. “But that’s what it says. Maybe he’s trying to impress her.”

Jared immediately pulled out his phone and dialed Claire’s number. Her angry tone carried into the room.

“He’s a maniac!” Claire yelled. “He has zero respect for his limited lifespan and tries to throw himself on grenades for his buddies every other day.” She huffed.

“Claire, keep your voice down,” Jared chuckled nervously. He noticed my horrified expression and turned his head. “You’re not serious?”

“I’m exaggerating, but not by much. The grenade part is true, but that was just once.”

I wrapped my arms around my waist and walked over to Bex, waiting for more bad news. Bex put his arm around me with a light hug.

“He’s saved every man in his company in one way or another. He walks around with explosives on his back while the enemy is shooting at us. You thought your detail was bad. This is impossible!”

“Great,” I said, throwing my arms up and letting them slap to my sides.

“It still doesn’t explain how he made sergeant in an impossible amount of time,” Jared said.

The other end of the phone was silent, and Jared nodded, whispering something so quickly I could barely discern his reply at all. “Okay. Watch your six,” Jared said, flipping his phone shut. He watched me for a moment and then sighed. “He still has Claire, Nina. You know her. It’s as if he’s in military day care.”

“How did he make sergeant so quickly?” I asked.

Jared peered at Bex for a moment before speaking. “It appears Colonel Brand pulled some strings. The Special Forces guys are more familiar with how we do things, and it made it easier for Claire to protect him.”

“Sending Ryan on more dangerous missions will protect him,” I deadpanned.

“Well, since everyone has bad news,” Bex said.

“Bex, don’t,” I said through my teeth, but it was too late.

“What is it?” Jared asked, his eyes bouncing between the two of us.

“Nina slept all night. She didn’t budge until seven this morning.”

Jared let his words sink in. It was several moments before he moved and then nodded. His hand searched for the closest chair to pull beneath him. He fell into it and stared at the floor. “So that’s it.”

“Jared, that doesn’t mean anything,” I said, reaching for him.

He looked to his younger brother. “Now we just have to see how far away I have to be to keep the dreams away.”

“This is ridiculous!” I said. “It’s happened three times. That isn’t a definitive trial by anyone’s standards!”

“So we’ll test the theory,” Jared said, “starting tonight.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Absolutely not. I didn’t move in with you to have to sleep alone every night.”

“It’s just until we figure this out,” Jared said.

“No.”

“Yes,” Jared said, his tone final.

The air was knocked out of me. I couldn’t believe what he was saying, but I was too tired to argue. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I looked away from him.

“Nina.”

“I get it. It’s okay.”

“Let’s just try it. See if it works. I’ll start out just outside town, and then come a bit closer every half hour. If you have the dream, we’ll know.”

“This is ridiculous! How are you going to find the damn book if you’re experimenting with my dreams?”

“She has a point,” Bex said.

Jared frowned. “I have to know.”

We tested his theory. The first night, I lay in bed for what seemed like an eternity, waiting to fall asleep. Being alone in our bed felt so cold and depressing. My fingers traced the wrinkles in the sheets, remembering the first time I woke in his bed. That perfect morning, after the night he told me who—and what—he really was seemed like light years away. A tear formed in the corner of my eye and slipped over the bridge of my nose to the white fabric beneath me.

Jared began just on the outskirts of Providence. When he felt I was asleep, he made his way to the loft, a block at a time, every ten minutes or so. He was just over two blocks away when he felt my anxiety. I was in Shax’s building. It was apparent the moment Jared backed off, because my surroundings blurred away, forming into the halls of my old high school.

The alarm bleated, and my eyes peeled open. Two full nights of sleep! My body felt a bit closer to normal, but it didn’t feel like a fair trade.

Jared walked in the front door, trotted up the stairs, and crawled into bed beside me, wrapping his warm arms snugly around me. We didn’t speak; we were just still, letting reality sink in.

“Why would Dad do this? It doesn’t seem fair,” Bex said from the first floor.

Jared didn’t answer. He simply pressed his forehead against my temple and sighed.

Night after night, I slept alone. Jared used that time to harass every connection he had and pursue every lead to learn the location of the book. Seconds after I woke in the mornings, he was at my side.

The days slowly returned to normal. Lectures in class were written down, and my hours at Titan were used for work instead of naps. Beth gladly decreased the number of times she fetched coffee and gave excuses to Grant.

One afternoon she brought me a file and sat in the plump, green leather chair in front of my desk. She had bought new clothes, and her auburn hair had a new shape to it—still short, but different. Embarrassed that I had no idea how long it had been that way, I took the file from her and sat it to the side.

“I love the shoes,” I said.

“Thanks,” she said, picking one foot off the floor to bring the yellow stilettos into view. They boasted a big bow on the side, and the heels, soles, and straps were black. “It’s a lot easier to dress for work when you have money. Thanks again, Nina. Things at home have been a lot better since you hired me.”

I shook my head. “You know I don’t mind. You’ve been a huge help around here.”

“Things seem to be better for you too.”

“I feel better.”

“Have you heard from Ryan? No one’s heard from him since he joined that special thing.”

My mouth turned to the side. Most of the time I tried not to think of Ryan, the sand, or the bullets flying everywhere while he carried his pipe bomb backpack.

“No,” I said.

Beth nodded. The desk phone rang and she stood, pushing line one and answering without hesitation. “Nina Grey’s office. . . . No, that file is in the . . . Oh Lord, Sasha, I’ll just come find it for you. How long have you worked here?”

Beth hung up the phone and I smiled. “Don’t let her take advantage of you. Do you want me to say something?”

“No. I do plenty of that,” Beth said, winking.

“I’m heading home. Will you lock up for me?” I asked.

“I always do,” she said, waving behind her.

Jared stood beside his SUV with a smile, waiting with arms wide. He had let me fall asleep in his arms the last few weeks and then left sometime after. Jack and Gabe stayed out of my head, and I slept through the night, never realizing Jared was gone. He was getting so good at pinpointing when I would rouse he usually slid next to me just before I awoke. Once again, life was semi-normal.

His hand slid over mind as it rested on the console of the Escalade. “Something came for you today.”

“A letter?” I asked, nervous.

Jared let go of my hand, pulling an envelope from his jacket pocket. Ryan had finally written again.

Nigh,

I still think about you every day, sometimes whether I want to or not. Things have been pretty busy. The new company I’m in is a whole new breed of soldiers. I like it, but I miss you. When I get a chance, I sit and watch the sunset and think about our game and the pub and your stupid temper tantrums. I miss it all. Tell everyone I said hi.

Ryan

I folded the paper back to its original shape.

“Do I have to remind you that this isn’t your fault?” Jared asked.

Ryan’s sudden departure was too much of a coincidence to believe that it wasn’t my fault, but Jared, Kim, and Beth all assured me quite regularly that his reasons were purely financial.

He didn’t write again after that, and I relied on Jared’s intermittent phone calls from Claire to hear of his whereabouts and that he was okay.

Claire still had to pull a multitude of strings to keep a close eye on Ryan. She called home frequently to complain of Ryan’s lack of self-preservation, which helped to get him accepted so quickly into the Special Forces in the first place. Claire’s phone calls were reason to fear—for Ryan and for her. I chewed my thumbnail each time Jared answered the phone, waiting for him to assure me that Ryan’s commando behavior hadn’t gotten him killed.

As our small but close group of friends waved good-bye on the last day of our sophomore year at Brown, Ryan came to the forefront of my mind.

“He should be here,” I said to Beth.

She held my arm as we walked to the parking lot. “I know.”

“He’s in the middle of nowhere, prone on a sand dune, trying not to get shot so he didn’t have to watch me be with Jared. It’s not fair. He should be here with us.”

Josh and Tucker were heading to their dorm to pack and head home. Kim walked with them, punching Josh in the arm. The beginning of summer break was bittersweet, and we all knew why.

Beth walked me to the Escalade and, after a warm embrace, left me to find Chad. They would all meet at the pub that night to celebrate, and I would stay at home. It didn’t feel right to have fun when Ryan was fighting for his life.

Jared was unhappy with my mood. He didn’t ask what it was, but I assumed he knew. I didn’t enjoy talking to him about Ryan. It was unfair to him and didn’t make me feel any better, so I didn’t see the point.

The loft was immaculate, and the summer sun lit the beige walls, making every corner of the room glow. It had been nearly a year since Shax had been in our living room, since Jared threw the book at him that Gabe so desperately wanted us to have. It had been almost a year since I was shot. I rubbed my thigh where the scar still remained.

Jared flipped through the mail at the kitchen table. “What do you want for dinner, sweetheart?”

“It just doesn’t seem to get better,” I said, shaking my head. “We can redecorate, fill the bullet holes in the walls, and pretend life is normal, but you’re gone every night, we aren’t any closer to getting the book, and Ryan is gone. It’s been a year, and it doesn’t feel as if it’s gotten better. We’re stuck.”

Jared raised an eyebrow. “Bad day?”

I sat on the arm of the couch. “He’s going to get killed. Every day that he’s out there, Claire is in danger. We should bring him home.”

“You’re suggesting that we go to the Middle East and abscond with a member of the Special Forces?”

I puffed. “It’s not right that he’s not here.”

“You’re just letting the guilt eat you alive. You have to let it go, Nina. You have to let him go.”

“I know what you’re thinking,” I said. “This isn’t about me having feelings for him. Maybe it is about guilt, but I can’t stand it anymore—how Josh and Tucker and everyone else look at me. That’s why I don’t hang out with them anymore. That’s why I don’t go to study group. I have been sleeping through the night for months, and I can’t go back. The looks on their faces . . . They blame me.”

“You blame you,” Jared said. “I have an idea,” he said, pulling his cell phone from his pocket. He dialed numbers and then held the receiver to his ear.

After several moments, a grin touched his mouth. “Claire. How is everything? I see. I have someone here that would like to speak to you. You got a minute?”

Jared handed me the phone. “Hello?” I said, unsure of her reaction.

“It is hot as hell here,” Claire snapped. “I have sand in places no woman should experience. It’s in my hair, my eyes, and the seat of my Jeep. There’s no getting rid of it, even when I get the occasional shower. And my hair looks like crap. So how are things?”

I managed a quiet laugh. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” She sighed. “Don’t worry, Nina. I’m taking care of him. He’s a cowboy and likes to pretend he’s invincible, but despite his best efforts, I’m keeping him alive.”

“Thank you.”

I could hear the wind whipping against the phone, and she spoke loudly to compensate. I imagined her standing alone in a sea of sand, with big sunglasses and light camouflage clothes blending in with her platinum hair.

“Ryan doesn’t want you to feel guilty. He wants you to be happy. He’s just trying to get on with his life. He’s happy with his choice. Be happy with yours.”

“Of course I am. I just . . . Everything feels wrong here. I feel lost.”

Claire laughed. “Try driving around with identical sand dunes as your guide. Then you can talk to me about feeling lost. It’s a good thing I’m fluent in Farsi, or I wouldn’t be able to keep up with him. How’s Jared?”

I peeked up at him, his blue-grey eyes comforted that his idea had worked. “He’s Jared. He’s good.”

“I need you to take care of him for me, okay? I’m kicking ass over here, so you can rest easy. Just concentrate on school, and work, and being happy, and I’ll get the cowboy home safe. Deal?”

Relief washed over me. “Deal. See you soon?”

“As soon as I can. Gotta go. They’re moving,” she said. The phone went silent, and I handed it to Jared.

“He’s okay,” I said.

Jared nodded. “Feel better?”

“A little. Thank you.”

Jared took a step toward me and enveloped me in his arms, touching his forehead to mine. “I would do anything, go anywhere, and suffer anything to make you happy. You know that, right? That’s all I want.”

I lifted my chin to kiss his lips. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You’re exhausted. I’m going to run you a bath, and you can soak until your hands get all pruny. I’ll have dinner waiting for you when you get out. Then we can turn in early.”

I buried my face into his warm chest. “Sounds perfect.”

5. Landstuhl

The first day of summer break, I took the day off from Titan, and Jared and I went to our oak tree. I lazily traced the details of the carving of our names and let the sweet summer air sweep over my skin. Lunch was served on the blanket he had given me as a graduation gift—before I knew him—and we playfully wrestled and chased each other barefoot in the grass.

Jared was working overtime to prove to me that our lives could be as normal as anyone else’s. Even with the bad dreams keeping us apart at night, he had figured out how to get around them and made it seem that nothing was different.

The air smelled of fresh grass and sunshine, and coupled with Jared’s scent, it felt a little like Heaven. Summer soaked into my every pore, and I could see that Jared was enjoying my mood. He sat next to me, waiting for me to catch my breath from chasing him.

“Having a better day?” he asked, running his finger lightly across my wrist.

“Exponentially,” I said, digging my toes into the grass. “I feel as I did at Little Corn.”

“Speaking of that, have you given any more thought to returning to that perfect little chapel we came across there?” Jared said the words casually, but he was fidgeting with the hem of his jeans.

“Wedding date,” I said, nodding. I should have seen the topic coming. Jared never broached anything important lightly and always insisted on the perfect back drop. “Does Claire know when she’s coming back?”

“No,” Jared said, frowning. The hem of his jeans seemed to be irritating him, but I knew it was the direction of our conversation.

“We can’t get married without Claire. I’m going to make her wear something hideous.”

“Already have your bridesmaids picked out?” he said with a contrived smile.

“Beth, Kim, and Claire. What about your groomsmen? Can’t exactly have Samuel and Eli stand in.”

“Sure I could. I don’t think they would do it, but I could ask.” I laughed, and his smile relaxed. “Bex, obviously. Maybe I could ask Ryan. It would help Claire.”

“Not funny,” I said, ripping out a handful of grass and then throwing it at him.

He shrugged. “Nothing says I have to have as many as you.”

I had never considered that the small details of a wedding would be so difficult for him. He had siblings and contacts within the system to make things easier but no friends and hardly any family. His side of the church would be pitifully bare.

“Maybe I’ll just have Beth and Claire, and Bex can escort both of them,” I said, hoping to relieve him of part of what he perceived as a problem.

I had insisted for so long that our lives be as close to normal as a hybrid and his taleh could get that Jared was bordering on obsession about giving that to me. I knew if something were as important to him I would be equally determined to make it happen, but I didn’t want our wedding to be a source of disappointment for either of us.

His eyes turned soft. “You can have as many as you want, sweetheart. I’ll figure it out,” he said, leaning toward me. His lips touched my cheek bone lightly and then brushed along the edge of my jaw line.

His touch had always had an immediate effect on me, but being alone, shaded from the summer sun by our oak tree, I lost all inhibitions. I pulled his mouth to mine and returned his kiss, letting him know how much I wanted him by the way my tongue eagerly danced with his. I let myself fall slowly against the blanket and held his shoulders, bringing him with me. His lips planted tiny kisses from my ear to my collarbone, and I melted against the ground, feeling wonderfully overwhelmed. His mouth was so warm, and every time his lips lifted away from my skin, little goose bumps formed in reaction to the sudden change in temperature.

My fingers reached inside of his shirt, feeling the lean muscles of his back beneath his soft tan skin. His attraction to me had been a mystery, but I was never ungrateful. There was no doubt that I was lucky. Jared being so close made that fact all too real.

I lifted his shirt over his head and watched as his muscles stretched with each movement. A smile broke out across my face, and his expression mirrored mine, his senses tuning into the emotions that gave me away.

“Have I told you today how incredibly beautiful you are?” he asked, his nose tracing a line from my chin to my nose, where he stopped to kiss me. “If I haven’t, I deeply apologize. That’s something that should be recognized on a daily basis.” He easily unfastened the first button of my blouse, moving to the second.

“You can say it however often you like, as long as you’re doing that while you’re saying it.” I smiled.

His cell phone rang and we both sighed.

“Of course,” I said.

He rolled his eyes. “It’s Claire.”

“Old habits die hard.”

He flipped it open. “Ryel.”

A stream of words I couldn’t understand blurred in different tones. Jared’s expression caused me to panic.

“Okay. We’re headed to the airport now.”

“The airport?” I said, watching Jared dial again.

“I need to charter a jet to Ramstein. No, not Frankfurt-Hahn. Yes, the Air Force Base. It’s the closest airport to Landstuhl. I’ll take care of it, Frank. Just get it done.”

“We’re going to Germany?” I said in disbelief. “What’s going on?”

Jared ignored me, dialing again. He spoke in German this time. The only thing I understood was Landstuhl. It was the largest military hospital outside the United States, near Ramstein, Germany. The hospital was mentioned in the news frequently because the majority of wounded soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan were flown there.

In that moment of understanding, I shoved all of our things into the backpack, frantically pulling on my motorcycle helmet. Jared immediately climbed onto his bike, and I jumped on behind him, gripping his jacket as he took off at full speed.

Everything I had feared since the moment I learned of Ryan’s decision to join the Army had happened: Ryan had been injured and Claire was alone, waiting to die.

We stopped at the loft long enough to grab money and passports, but we left everything else behind. Jared was quiet, and the way he was rushing to get to the airport made me fear the worst. He led me through the terminal so quickly that I had to jog to keep up with his long strides.

The plane was ready and waiting when we walked onto the tarmac, escorted by only a handful of the airline’s employees. Jared spoke quick instructions to the pilot, and then we rushed up the stairs, barely greeting the flight attendant as we passed.

Jared didn’t speak during take-off. His fingers were on his lips as his mind processed the situation and the consequences. I left him alone with his thoughts. Just as worried as he was, I wondered about calling Beth or Kim or even Josh. Telling them what I knew would only welcome questions, and explaining how I knew before Ryan’s mother or his best friends did would be far beyond my lying capabilities.

Two hours into the flight, I fought with my eyelids to stay open. After the fourth time of jerking myself awake, I finally broke the silence. “This is ridiculous. How could I possibly be sleepy right now?”

“Maybe you should try to sleep,” Jared said without looking at me.

I nodded, settling into my seat. My leg jerked, and my eyes popped open again.

“Dreaming?” Jared asked with an amused smile.

“I think I was riding a bike to Germany,” I mumbled, leaning against his shoulder.

Sinking back into oblivion, my breaths grew even. It didn’t take long to let the airplane noise fade into the background.

The lights were dim in the fuselage. My eyes were blurry, and with the poor light, it was hard to focus. Jared had left his seat. I wondered how long we had been en route and looked behind me to the restrooms.

“Jared?” I called back.

Nothing.

I stumbled to the back of the plane and knocked on the lavatory door. When he didn’t answer, I opened it.

Empty.

My eyes strained to see in the darkness, but I could vaguely make out the top of Jared’s head. He was back in his seat, patiently waiting for me.

“Thirty-thousand feet in the air with nowhere to hide and you still keep me guessing,” I said, falling into my chair.

But it wasn’t Jared. Sitting next to me was Gabe Ryel.

I recoiled, the armrest digging into my back as I leaned away from him. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s been a while, Nina.”

“I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” I said, perturbed. Knowing Gabe was behind my sleepless nights and the reason why Jared could no longer be within two blocks while I slept, mustered up suppressed resentment, resulting in a bit more guts than I usually had.

“You must turn back, Nina. It is imperative to make Jared understand that we don’t have time for this.”

“Time for what? Why do you insist on being so theatrical? Just tell me what we need to do and we’ll do it.”

Gabe didn’t react. “Turn back, Nina.”

His eyes were black again. It made me more than just uncomfortable. The ice-blue eyes that I remembered were now replaced by glass balls in his sockets, and it was downright disturbing.

“No. Claire needs us.”

Gabe didn’t react to my insolence. He simply looked down at his intertwined fingers sitting atop his lap. He wore an expensive suit, the same I remembered when he shadowed my father in the halls of Titan, but his fingers were dirty and worn, as if he’d been digging in soil.

“Find the book.”

“How? Jared has talked to Eli and Samuel. No one will tell us anything!”

“This fight is not Jared’s. It’s yours.”

“Great. More riddles,” I said, crossing my arms. My muscles relaxed, thinking about the situation at hand. I looked to Gabe. Even with his empty eyes, he was still someone from my childhood that I loved. “Is Claire going to die?”

The plane hit turbulence, and a bit of bouncing evolved into what felt like a several-hundred-foot drop. As I gripped the armrest, Gabe turned to me once again.

“Listen.”

“I can’t listen if there’s nothing to hear!”

“Listen,” he repeated.

The plane fell again, causing the overhead storage bins to vomit various items. The already dim lights flickered violently until they surrendered, and the fuselage turned dark.

I jerked awake, and Jared sat where Gabe had been. The lights were on, and the floors were clear of debris.

“It’s you,” I said, relieved.

“Yes,” he said with a confused smile. “Who did you think it would be?”

After a short pause, I shook my head. “No one. Just forgot where I was for a second.”

Jared nodded and then rested his hand on my knee. “We’ll be there in two hours.”

He spent the remainder of our flight on his cell phone. He made arrangements for a car to pick us up at the airport and for a friend, Colonel Jason Brand, to meet us at Landstuhl with visitor identification.

Upon arrival, the pace accelerated. The second the plane came to a stop, Jared had the few things we brought with us in hand, and he held out my jacket.

“It’s chilly,” he said, helping me twist into the sleeves.

Descending the stairs of the plane, it was clear why Jared had to make so many phone calls. Pilots walked to and from their jets and crew chiefs parked and marshaled jets, while others were busy with flight inspections. Jet engines screamed as they prepared for takeoff.

We had landed at Ramstein Air Base. Jared’s connections spanned farther than I had imagined.

We rushed off the tarmac to the waiting car. The driver was a stranger to me. He spoke fluent German to Jared, so I was unsure if he was just a local or someone Jared had met before. He looked about Jared’s age. Light blond hair peeked from his dark green ball cap, but his eyes were hidden behind dark sunglasses.

“Warum gehen Sie nach Landstuhl?” the driver said.

“Claire’s taleh ist verletzt worden,” Jared said.

The driver’s eyebrows pulled in. He was a friend. Jared mentioning Claire’s taleh could even mean that he was a hybrid, and by the features I could see—the light blond hair, the flawless skin, and his lean, fit body—he was.

“Gutes Glück zu Ihnen, Freund,” he said, shaking his head.

“Danke,” Jared frowned. He leaned toward me, then. “He was asking why we’re here. I told him, and he wished us luck,” he whispered against my cheek.

Nodding, I hugged Jared’s arm to me. Landstuhl was just three miles from the West Gate of the base. The soldier guarding the gate seemed to know the driver and, after checking out his identification, let us through quickly.

An officer in a blue decorated dress uniform waited at the front entrance of the hospital.

“Colonel,” Jared said, shaking his hand. He was definitely not a hybrid with his dark hair and eyes. “Nina, this is Colonel Jason Brand,” he said.

I shook his hand. “Thank you,” I said.

“Not at all. Claire’s pretty famous around here. We’ve all trained with her at some point,” Jason said with a small grin. “Jared, we’ve got good news coming from the surgeon,” he said as we followed him inside. His voice was firm and no-nonsense. It reminded me of the way my father spoke. “Claire is in the waiting room on the third floor. They know you’re coming.”

Jared nodded. He kept me by his side as we walked to the elevator. The space was quiet, and despite Jason’s positive comment earlier, Jared was on edge. He rubbed his thumb compulsively against the top of my hand as he held it a bit too tight in his.

“What can I do,” I asked, touching his arm with my free hand.

One corner of Jared’s mouth turned up in an appreciative half-smile. “You’re here with me. That’s all I need.”

The door opened to a bustling hallway. The walls were devoid of anything but white paint, and the halls were full of equipment and people. Medical personnel attended to the wounded, wearing either utility attire or green scrubs. Soldiers passed by in wheelchairs, accompanied by their attentive wives or mothers. A few were trying on their new prostheses and learning to walk again.

My stomach instantly felt sick, wondering what was waiting for us in Ryan’s room.

Jared pushed through a set of double doors and stopped. Claire, tiny and alone, stood at the end of the hall. She was looking down an adjacent hall, but the second she felt Jared’s presence, she slowly turned to face him. His stoic disposition deteriorated as he looked into the eyes of his little sister, and a small sound escaped from his throat.

Claire ran down the hall at full speed and crashed into Jared, wrapping her arms around him. She ran so hard and hit him with such force that it made a clapping sound that echoed through the halls as if a door had slammed. Even with Claire’s incredible strength, Jared didn’t budge. He lifted her off the floor, enveloped her with his long arms, and squeezed her tightly.

“You didn’t have to come, stupid!” she said. Her voice was muffled against Jared’s shoulder. When she pulled back to look at him, tears blurred her round ice-blue eyes. “But I’m glad you came.”

She reached for me and hooked her arm around my neck, adding me to their embrace. We stood there in silence for a long while, knowing once we let go reality would set in.

Time was not on our side, and too quickly the reunion was over. We walked to the waiting room, dazed and emotionally exhausted. Jared sat beside me on the sofa, and Claire took a chair adjacent to us.

Jared cleared his throat. “I’m going to apologize in advance, Claire. This is hard for me.”

“Déjà vu?” she said in understanding.

“Something like that,” he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb.

“You mean me,” I said softly.

Jared didn’t meet my eyes; he simply nodded as he stared at the floor. I had tried to imagine many times what he went through while waiting to hear whether I would live or die after the shootout in the restaurant.

“I remember,” Claire said with a far-off look in her eyes. “Mom was there. Bex was stuck in Dubai with Amir.” She spoke low and slowly, looking to Jared with weary eyes. “You sat on that horrible fake-leather chair until you couldn’t stand it, and then you paced the length of the room until we couldn’t stand it. It was harder to watch than when Daddy slipped away. Then Samuel came, and Eli . . .”

“They were there?” I asked, surprised.

Jared nodded. “They appeared after I called for Gabriel. I begged him to take me the second . . . I didn’t want to know what it would feel like when you were gone.”

“Would it be painful?” I asked, touching his arm.

Jared breathed a heavy sigh. “My father described it as weakness, growing so debilitating that eventually every system in our bodies stop.” He looked into my eyes. “We literally need our talehs to breathe.”

Claire watched us for a moment before speaking. “I had to restrain Jared several times. He couldn’t stand the thought of you lying on a table without him, letting strangers—humans—try to save you. He wanted to force his way into the O.R. I’d never seen him so unreasonable.” Claire’s icy eyes melted when she looked at her brother. “Seeing Jared feel so helpless and desperate—Mom waiting to hear if she would lose you and her son—the collective pain in that room will be burned into my memory forever just as yesterday will.”

I grabbed her hand. “And I’m okay just like Ryan will be.”

Claire wore what used to be a white tank top, now more of a grey-brown, and khaki utility pants with heavy lace-up boots. A blood-stained hijab sat bunched up in the chair next to her. Her moist eyes and smeared mascara had mixed with the desert sand but only around her eyes.

“Did Ryan recognize you?” I asked.

Claire shook her head. “I should have pulled us out earlier. He looked up at me, but he was pretty out of it. And with the hijab, he could only see my eyes.”

Jared placed his hand on ours. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re both alive.”

“Ryan’s company was conducting a raid to extract two contractors who had been missing for a few days. I made a lot of mistakes today, Jared. They were ambushed. I should have seen it coming. I should have heard the snipers get into position, but my mind was full of complaints and resentment.” She stared at the floor, deep in thought. “They always raid at night. Everything was off and I missed it.”

Jared grabbed Claire’s jaw in his hands. “You know better than to beat yourself up about this. What were you telling me in the waiting room in Providence? He’s alive, Claire. No one else could have gotten him here with a chance.”

She pulled away from him and looked out the window. In her mind, she was still on that street corner, watching the extermination of Ryan’s company in real time. “It was like shock and awe out there—one explosion after another.” She snapped her eyes shut. The memory replayed in her mind. “I could hear him, but I couldn’t see.” Her eyebrows pulled in. “I couldn’t see.”

Her eyes popped open, and she immediately wiped away her tears. “My first glimpse of Ryan didn’t surprise me; he was sprinting from the debris cloud with Tommy on his back.” She smiled. “Of course it would be Tommy. Ryan’s only saved his hide three times already.” Her smile faded. “They were close. Ryan felt responsible for him.”

Jared stood and walked to the other side of the room. He rubbed the back of his neck; the worry and memories were clearly overwhelming him.

“That was when I decided to move in,” Claire explained, “but a sniper clicked on his sights.” Claire laughed once. “The jerkface got one off after I severed his brain stem with one bullet, Jared. That shit only happens in the movies.”

“So Ryan was hit?” I prodded. My mind raced with where the story would end. I had no idea what injuries Ryan had sustained, and with the vivid detail of bombs and bullets, I needed her to get to the point.

“Twice. A bullet ricocheted off a rock and clipped his right lung; the other blew straight through his shoulder. It was fate. Both injuries are going to send him packing.”

Jared glanced at me and then returned to his seat. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “That was when you evac’d?”

Claire sniffed. “He wouldn’t let Tommy go. I had to pry all ten of his fingers from the guy’s flak jacket.”

“Figures,” Jared grumbled.

“Ryan’s whole unit was wiped out in three seconds. He needed to save one of them. It didn’t matter that Tommy was dead ten meters from the explosions. Ryan was going to carry him home.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and overflowed. “Can we see him?”

Jared hugged me to his side. “He can’t know you were ever here. We can’t take that chance.”

Jared’s reasoning made sense. Explaining away Ryan’s memories of me at his bedside in Landstuhl would be too difficult.

Claire looked at her dirty hands. “I hauled him to an empty shack off the path and hunkered down. It was a long night. Ryan was going into shock. I used my body to keep him warm. He mumbled a lot, and I talked to him to keep him calm. He was in bad shape.” Her eyes glazed over a bit before she snapped back to the present. “We stayed until Morning Prayer and then backtracked east to my Jeep.”

Colonel Brand knocked on the door jamb. Jared and Claire immediately stood, and Jared pulled me with him.

“Colonel,” Jared and Claire said in unison, both nodding.

“He’s out of the woods for now. Doctor Vanhooser is closing, and he’ll be in to speak with you shortly. He has been informed that Sergeant Scott is to be kept unaware of your presence.”

“Thanks, Jason,” Claire said, letting out a big sigh of relief.

“There is something you should know,” Colonel Brand said. “Ryan is going to need substantial physical therapy, and after losing his entire unit, his debriefing will be extensive.”

“What does that mean for Ryan?” I asked.

“Sergeant Scott’s chances to return to active duty are slim,” Colonel Brand said without pause.

I was ashamed of the relief the Colonel’s words brought me. Ryan would be devastated, and I could only think of myself. Thoughts of Ryan returning to Brown on the military’s dime and his empty seat at the Ratty being filled peppered my mind, and I had to cover my smile with my hand.

Jared glanced at me. He knew how Colonel Brand’s prediction had made me feel, and his eyes tightened. I sank back into my seat, crimson splashing across my cheeks.

Claire took a walk down the colorless hallway, giving Jared the perfect chance to scold me. Before he got the chance, my cell phone buzzed in my jacket pocket.

“Hello?”

“Grant is out sick, you’re gone, and the Japan firm is on line two asking questions I don’t know the answers to,” Beth barked in her southern accent. “I don’t understand half of what he says, Nina. Is there some way to patch you through?”

I smiled. “Just tell him I’m out of town and I will call him tomorrow.”

“He said he’s been waiting on a return phone call from Grant for a week.”

“Then he can wait one more day,” I said.

“Where are you? I only have a billion documents for you to sign, and the billing on the Peterman account is messed up.”

“Ask an intern. They know the software better than the accountants.”

“Nigh,” she sighed. “Where are you?”

“Checking on an old friend,” I said. “I have to go, Beth. Oh, don’t ask Sasha for help. It will give her the mistaken impression that she’s needed.”

“The friend wouldn’t be Kim, would it?”

“No. Why?”

“She’s MIA too again,” Beth grumbled.

“You can wing it until I get back. I have faith in you,” I said, hanging up the phone.

“What?” Jared asked.

“Beth said Kim hasn’t been around. She doesn’t know where she is. Kim’s been doing that a lot lately,” I said with a frown.

Jared squirmed in his seat and then looked away.

“Jared?” I asked in an accusatory tone. He didn’t look at me. “Do you know anything about that?”

Jared didn’t meet my eyes for several moments and then finally turned to face me. After a long puff of air, he took a deep breath and then intertwined his fingers. His expression was exactly as it had been the night he told me the truth.

I looked at him from under my brows. “Is it bad?”

Jared shook his head. “It’s dangerous. I won’t lie to you, so please let it go.”

“We’re talking about Kim, right? Lanky, goofy Kim?”

“Let it go, Nina.”

My knee bounced up and down as I made the decision, but it had already been made. I was only stalling. Jared looked away again with a sigh, knowing what would happen next.

He closed his eyes, and with one last effort he begged. “Don’t.”

My knuckles turned white as I gripped the edge of my seat, preparing myself for what he would say. Jared had told me more unbelievable truths in the last two years than even I could believe, and I had seen most of it with my own eyes. Regardless, Kim had been keeping something from me—something Jared knew and I didn’t—so I had to ask.

“Jared?” He stiffened the second I uttered his name. Although knowing the truth had never been comforting before, I couldn’t stop myself. “What do you know about Kim?”

6. Witch

“That’s not actually his secret to tell,” Kim said, strolling into the waiting room.

It took me a moment to process that she was really there and that I hadn’t conjured her from my wild imagination.

Kim paused for a moment to acknowledge Jared. When he nodded in her direction, she took a seat next to me. She was in a white t-shirt and jeans, sporting black-and-white checkered Vans, and smelled of cigarettes. Her big brown eyes didn’t falter. She didn’t seem nervous or out of place at all.

“What on earth are you doing here, Kim?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I could ask you the same question.”

“So go ahead. You seem to know all the right questions to ask, anyway,” I said, defiantly.

“Kim’s just here to help,” Jared said.

“Help how? How did she know?” I looked at Kim then. “How did you know to come?”

“How did you know?” she asked. She was purposefully goading me, and I wanted to reach out, lace my fingers around her long neck, and shake her with the tightest grip I could muster.

“You’re not funny,” I snapped.

Kim grinned, clearly enjoying the fact that she had me in such a tizzy. “No, but you are.”

I stood up, crossing my arms. If she wouldn’t cooperate, I would corner Jared. I pointed at Kim. “How did she know Ryan was hurt, Jared? How did she get here?”

“Plane,” Kim answered flatly.

“Shut up!” I growled.

The corners of Jared’s mouth turned up slightly, but when he felt my temper rising, he straightened his expression. “Kim is helping us. Finally,” he said, shooting an annoyed glance in her direction.

“Bite me,” Kim said without emotion, chewing her thumbnail.

His jaws flitted under his skin. “She has been keeping an eye on our situation. What?” he said, frowning.

I stared at him. “I’m just waiting for you to make sense.”

Jared returned my expression and Kim laughed once. “Welcome to my world,” she said. “He’s one big riddle book, isn’t he? He just does it to make himself feel important. He wants you to drag it out of him.”

Claire walked in and stopped in her tracks. “What is the witch doing here?” she said with venom in her voice.

Kim smiled slightly, but her eyes were devoid of emotion. “Blessed be. Heard about what happened. Good job, G.I. Barbie.”

“Move aside, Nina,” Claire said in a frightening, low tone. I was too afraid to move, seeing that she was poised to pounce.

Tension in the room had soared to a new level. The waiting room we occupied was in a wing separate from the main hall, so it would be very easy for Claire to let some of her pent-up aggression go in Kim’s general direction. Kim didn’t seem phased in the slightest.

Jared stood. “Enough.”

Claire glanced at her brother. “Does she have to be here?”

The longer they spoke as if I knew what was going on, the angrier I became. “What in the hell is going on?” I yelled.

“Sssh!” Claire hissed.

“Are you human?” I asked Kim.

Kim paused in thought. “Some days it doesn’t feel like it, but yes.”

Jared sat, pulling me to the sofa with him. Claire sat in the seat next to us, fidgeting with her hijab. Kim looked at her watch and then settled into her chair. Suddenly the air felt very easy, the opposite of just a few moments before, but it was forced, unnatural.

“You know those who are aware of demons attract them.” Kim said this matter-of-factly, making my reality feel twisted. Jared had told me a few specifics about the creatures from Hell that we called “others” during the talk we had on our first date—the moment we affectionately dubbed “The Conversation That Changed Everything.” Kim was from the other side; someone I couldn’t tell. I hadn’t shared our secrets from that night with anyone, and Kim repeating part of it verbatim disconcerted me.

“Stay calm, Nina,” Jared said, quietly and smoothly. He placed his hand on mine. “They feed on aggression and fear.”

“So?” I said, shifting nervously in my seat.

Kim’s body language was casual but deliberately so. “What we’re talking about is going to bring them here, Nigh. The more upset you are, the more access they will have to this situation, so just take it all in. Don’t try to analyze it. Just listen and accept.”

“What do you mean they’ll have access?” I breathed, fighting to keep my fear at bay.

“You’re the only one in the room they can attack,” Kim said. Her eyes were cold, as if she’d had years of practice working around others. Her demeanor was meant to keep me calm, but it only served to unnerve me further.

“That doesn’t help,” Jared frowned.

“Just hear me out,” Kim said, impatient.

“Listen and accept,” I said, taking a deep breath. I looked to Jared, who offered a small comforting grin. I returned my attention to Kim. “Okay. Let’s hear it.”

Kim’s mouth turned up infinitesimally. “When I was sixteen, I was possessed by a demon.”

It was hard to concentrate. Months of perfecting the art of keeping my emotions under control was the only advantage I had, and I was determined to keep my cool. “You’re kidding.”

Kim continued, “I’m going to make this short if you don’t mind.”

I nodded and Kim rolled her eyes. “The story bores me, so, to get to the point, the Pollocks, my family, descend from Crusade knights. Those Crusade knights used the Holy Sepulchre as an end point of their pilgrimages. You okay?” Kim asked, pausing.

“Yeah,” I said casually, “because I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” I yelled.

Jared held my hands in my lap and lowered his chin, looking directly into my eyes. “You need to stay calm. It’s important.”

I looked back to Kim. “Sorry.”

Kim dismissed my apology. “Whatever. You remember learning about the Crusades, Nigh—English knights, Robin Hood, and King Richard?” I nodded. “It has nothing to do with that.”

I sighed, and Jared jerked his head to the side in frustration. “You’re not helping.”

Kim laughed once and looked down. “I’m sorry. I just can’t describe to you how much I hate telling this story.”

“Try,” Jared seethed.

Kim looked to me. “Templar Knights took their crusades to a very holy place in Jerusalem. It’s called the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. It was once the temple of Aphrodite. Christians refer to it as Golgotha, the place where Christ was crucified.

“The First Crusade was envisioned as an armed pilgrimage, and no crusader could consider his journey complete unless he had prayed as a pilgrim at the Holy Sepulchre. This is where it gets a little hairy. During my great-great-times-infinity-grandfather’s pilgrimage, he came upon something under the basilica of the Holy Sepulchre. It was a book, a bible.”

“So you’re Bible savers?” I looked at Jared in disbelief. “Cool? I guess?”

“We’re not talking about the Holy Bible here, Nigh,” Kim said. “You’ve seen it.”

“Shax’s bible?” I asked.

Kim nodded. “It was kept safely hidden away in the cistern under the basilica, which is where it was rumored that the mother of Hadrian found the true cross and the tomb of Christ.”

“Isn’t that pretty much sacrilegious? The bible of Hell being kept under what was thought to be the tomb of Jesus Christ?” I said.

Kim rubbed her temples. I had clearly asked a question she’d answered a thousand times. “The Holy Presence there kept Shax and his legions from finding it. My grandfather didn’t know that. He removed the book, and after learning of its importance, he vowed to keep it safe. That vow and the book have cursed our family for generations.”

“Curses seem to be the popular thing around here,” I grumbled.

Kim glanced at Jared.

“I’m sorry,” I said, laughing without humor. “This is all a little far-fetched, even for me, and I’ve seen Shax.”

The room grew cold, and Jared and Claire immediately extended their necks, looking to the ceiling. Jared pulled me closer to him, and Claire sat on the other side of me, lightly touching my knee.

The lights flickered, and even with Jared’s and Claire’s warm bodies on each side of me, I shook from the cold. The dim fluorescent lights created an eerie glow to the air we exhaled, now warmer than the air in the room.

“What’s happening?” I whispered.

“For the fiftieth time, Nina, stay calm,” Claire said, her voice even. “Nothing will happen to you while we’re here. This is just what happens when there’s a higher concentration of them than normal.”

“Higher concentration?” I asked.

Kim looked above her. “Oh there’s probably an army or two around or one really strong one.”

I shivered. “Which is worse?”

“One,” Claire whispered, her eyes unfocused. She was relying on her senses, creating a thoughtful, confused expression on her face.

Kim returned her attention to me. Her demeanor was baffling. She had always been relaxed and at times aloof, but it was hard to believe she could remain that way with so many others around. Every part of me wanted to run screaming down the hall.

“Anyone who’s made the trip to return the book to the Sepulchre never came back. We thought Jack and Gabe stealing the book from my uncle was the best thing that could have happened to our family, until Shax held us personally responsible. That’s when I got sick or that’s what we thought it was.”

Even with the drop in temperature and the knowledge that a million demons might have been hovering over us, I sat hunched over, with my chin resting on my fist, suddenly unimpressed. “You were possessed. As in priests and green pea soup possessed? C’mon, Kim.”

“I don’t remember most of it. I just know that my father spared no expense to bring in the best of the best, and when Father Gary and Father Carmine were finished, I was different.”

Jared squeezed my hand. “When humans are overtaken in that way, they are often left weak for the rest of their lives. Kim kept something with her when Father Carmine finally extracted the demons. They wouldn’t have left behind power voluntarily. She took it from them, and because of that, the demons fear her.”

“What kind of power?” I asked.

“The all-knowing: understanding dead languages blah, blah, blah. I also know when they move, when they approach, when they leave, and why they’re doing it. I think I can take their power at will, but none of them have gotten close enough for me to try.”

“So Kim is an asset,” Claire said, sullen. “She affects them in ways no one understands.”

“I . . . You . . .” A million questions swirled in my head, but the most upsetting revelation was that nothing was separate now. My normal life just had a head-on collision with my life with Jared.

The air around me felt thick and full of static. An end table next to one of the chairs shook for a moment and then slid across the floor a few inches.

“What just happened?” I said.

The table vibrated again and then shot to the wall, the legs squealing as they grated across the tile.

“Sweetheart,” Jared warned.

My fingers worked in small circles against my temple. “Okay,” I whispered. I worked to release any negativity that the demons could use to fuel their power. “What now?”

“I can help you,” Kim said, uncharacteristically sympathetic. “I can help you find the book, Nigh. They’ll tell me. They have to.”

All expression fell from my face. “So you’re like . . . You’re like the demon whisperer. My wacky friend Kim. That’s just great.”

Kim nodded, unaffected by my jab.

“You never said why you’re here,” I said.

“I wanted to check on Ryan. I also have news.”

News was usually the job of Samuel, and I wondered why Kim had been sent instead. The more I knew, the less any of it made sense, which was annoyingly typical.

Claire crossed her legs, settling in her chair. “Well? Tell us already.”

“Jared and his covert operation tipped them off. He’s asked too many questions, and they know what he’s after. The book has been moved six times in as many days. We’ve got some work to do when we get home.”

Jared glared at Kim, annoyed. “I have to look it over before we take it back. There are things within those pages that could help Nina.”

“That was the deal, wasn’t it?” Kim replied.

Jared nodded and then looked to his sister. “Now that Ryan’s stable, we should head back. Did the Colonel say how long you’d be here?”

Claire shrugged. “At least until he’s stable enough to ship stateside, and then we’ll probably be at a VA rehab until he’s functional. I’ll keep you updated.”

I stared at the small table that had slid across the floor. Two hundred or so demons had been swirling about, and they were already onto the next subject. The air had returned to its normal temperature, but watching an inanimate object glide across the room left me uneasy—not that I had felt anything close to composed since Gabe had infiltrated my dream on the plane. Life was spinning out of control again, but this time there was no normal life to escape to.

One third of my anchor to normal was lying in a hospital bed and another sitting beside me, talking about things so opposite of the realm of ordinary that it was difficult to remember she was part of my other life at all.

Anger consumed me. I felt I’d been lied to. “What deal are you two talking about?” I asked.

“Your man is going to help me return the book to the Sepulchre if I help him get it from Shax,” Kim said.

“Were you going to tell me about any of this?” I said to Jared.

Jared took my hands in his. “We talked about this.”

“Yes, that you would omit things that didn’t directly involve me, but first Ryan and now Kim? They were my friends, Jared!”

“We still are,” Kim said.

I ignored Kim. “Are you sure I can’t see Ryan?” I asked Claire. She shook her head with an apologetic expression. “It was good to see you again,” I said to Claire, hugging her. “Kim . . .” I trailed off, unable to find anything nice to say.

Kim had betrayed me, sneaking her mystical bullshit in the back door and sucker-punching me with her possession-crusades-basilica sob story. Now she was supposed to help us find the book because of her oh-so-spooky-to-the-demons powers. I didn’t care! She was supposed to be my normal, and she had ripped it right out from under me.

Gabe had wanted us to turn back, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I wasn’t supposed to know about Kim. Could Gabe’s appearance be mundane as a paternal need to protect me again, or was it something different? Maybe Kim wasn’t supposed to help us. Maybe she was working for the other side.

I had almost reached the elevator when Jared called my name. Soon, his hand was in mine. He stopped mid-step, causing me to jerk backward.

“We have to go,” I said, tugging him down the hall.

Jared stopped me again. “Would you please tell me what’s going on?”

“No,” I snapped, smacking the button to the elevator. “That would require me telling you the whole truth, and that’s not really how our relationship works.”

The door opened, and I pulled Jared inside. We were alone, and for the first time, I felt I could breathe. I leaned against the wall and sighed. “This isn’t happening.”

“What isn’t happening? Nina, talk to me,” Jared said, putting his hands on the wall at each side of my head.

“She’s my friend, Jared! She was on the other side, the side that kept me grounded and sometimes kept me sane, but now it’s gone! It’s all gone!”

Jared cupped my face. “She’s still your friend. Your life at Brown is no different.”

“It’s not different? It’s disappeared!”

He frowned. “Let’s think of this as a positive thing. You have someone to talk to about this now, someone on the other side who understands.”

I crossed my arms. “I needed them, Jared, so I wouldn’t get lost in all of the Heaven/Hell fiasco.”

“She’s human, Nina. She may handle it differently, but she knows how you feel. She knows what it’s like to know things and be different because of it. Embrace it.”

“Embrace it,” I grumbled. “You don’t understand.”

Jared took my hand and kissed my fingers. “This is a good thing. With her help, we can find the book.”

“Great!” I said as the doors opened to the main floor. “Let’s find the damn thing and get rid of it! Take it back to the church, I’ll stop having the dreams, Kim can be Kim again, and I can get my life back!”

Colonel Brand waited next to the car that would take us to the base. Jared and I had remained silent during the trip, but once the plane took off from the runway, he began again.

“Nina, we can’t just take the book back. We have to read it and find out why Jack stole it from Kim’s uncle in the first place.”

“Because Jack was crazy, that’s why,” I snapped.

Jared sighed with frustration. “They’ve been telling us why in your dreams.”

I thought for a moment, recalling Jack’s words on the roof. He had to save her. I could think of only two women in the world my father would risk his life for. The inscription on my ring leading to a deposit box only Jared and I could access . . . He had stolen the book to save me.

But from what?

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you insinuating that I’m keeping something from you? Because that would be just totally and completely hypocritical.”

Jared frowned. “No. But we need to find someone who can interpret what your dreams mean.”

“Who would know, Jared? Besides Eli or Samuel. They wouldn’t tell us, anyway, right? Who would know?”

“Asking them again wouldn’t be a good idea. Kim said they’re already onto us. It’s impossible to keep a secret in that realm. We need a human.”

“A human isn’t going to be able to make sense of my dreams, Jared, unless it’s someone who already knows. One of Graham’s men, maybe?”

Jared shook his head, deep in thought. “Claire didn’t leave any of them alive. Anyone who might have known anything about it is long gone.”

An idea popped into my head, instantly creating a sinking feeling in my stomach.

“What is it?” Jared asked, concerned.

My mind instantly searched for other options. I was desperate to make the name stuck in my throat a last resort, but she was our only choice. “My mother,” I whispered. “Cynthia would know.”

Jared’s brows pulled in for a moment. “Jack left her in the dark.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” I asked, incredulously.

He peeked over at me and then relaxed. “You’re right. How to get her to tell us anything is the question.”

“She’ll tell us,” I said, determined.

7. The Perfect Storm

“Isn’t this a surprise,” Cynthia said, fussing with her hair. “I’m on my way to the Komen fundraiser, Nina dear. We’ll have lunch tomorrow.”

I sidestepped, guarding the front door. “This is important.”

Cynthia laughed once, not amused. “Not more important than breast cancer, I assure you.” When I didn’t move, she cocked her head. The expression she used for immediate intimidation lit her face. “You will let me pass this instant, young lady.”

Instinctively, I obeyed. Seeing that she was in no mood for antics, I decided to try the blindside approach.

“Daddy stole a book from someone a few years ago. Do you remember?”

She blinked a few times, my words clearly unsettling to her. “Your father was in shipping, Nina. What interest would he have in a book?”

“He did it, Mother. I’ve seen the book myself. Jared’s held it in his hands.”

Cynthia’s cold eyes darted to Jared and then narrowed. “I must ask at this point, Jared. Are you trying to get Nina killed?”

“No,” Jared said emphatically, taking a step toward her. “No, that’s why we’re here. We need to know why Jack took the book. What was inside that he was hoping to find?”

Cynthia relaxed, lifting her chin. “Nina, you’ll find that if you ignore things they tend to go away. Now, I really must be going.”

Jared’s jaw twitched, and then he took an obstinate step in front of the door.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Grey, but I can’t allow you to leave until you tell us what you know.”

Cynthia stood unaffected, as if she could brush past Jared if she chose, but she was simply too much of a lady to shove her way through.

“What makes you think I know anything?” she asked, a tiny smirk on her face.

I crossed my arms. “Because you know everything, Mother.”

A small grin of satisfaction crept across Cynthia’s face. “Your father underestimated that particular talent of mine for years. It’s nice that someone noticed.”

“We need your help, Cynthia,” Jared said. “Why did Jack think Shax’s book could save Nina?”

“The truth will only hurt you, dear,” Cynthia said. Her words were meant to be empathetic, but her eyes were devoid of emotion.

I pressed my lips together in hard line, taking her warning very seriously. Before I could make a decision, Jared spoke.

“I’m only going to ask you one more time, Cynthia. What do you know about Jack’s reasons for taking the book?”

Cynthia chuckled. “Empty threats rarely compel me to comply.”

Jared leaned against the door. “I have all night, Cynthia. How important is this fundraiser to you?”

“Very well, then,” Cynthia said. She shifted her weight, clearly irritated. “Your father never wanted children. I wasn’t exactly maternal, so I never questioned him. But when you came along, Nina, it changed him. He seemed to watch you as if he were waiting for something. I asked him, once, why he stared at you that way. His expression held both disgust and shame, but he didn’t answer. He simply walked away.”

Her words cut so deeply that I felt physical pain in my chest, as if a thousand needles were boring their way to the center.

Jared took my hand. “Jack adored Nina. He died trying to save her life.”

Cynthia laughed without humor. “You misunderstand. The first time Jack held Nina in his arms, nothing else mattered. There was nothing more precious in his eyes,” she paused, “but he was afraid.”

I struggled to swallow the lump that had developed in my throat. “Of what?”

“You, I suppose,” Cynthia shrugged. Her eyes switched to Jared then, resentful and accusing. “When your father recognized that you were in love with Nina, he shared a story with Jack. It was a story within the last passages of the book you’re so desperate to acquire about a human woman giving birth to a son of God and that child would disturb The Balance.”

My face twisted. “You mean the story of the Virgin Mary and Jesus? What could that possibly have to do with Jared and me?”

Cynthia sighed. “No, dear. Sons of God are angels. Hell believes a human woman will give birth to an angel, a powerful angel who will threaten their power here.”

Jared frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense. Why Nina, then? Human women have been giving birth to half-breeds for centuries. And even if Nina and I had a child, the baby would have just a quarter of divine blood in its veins, nothing for Hell to be concerned about.”

“A human woman gave birth to Jesus Christ, Jared,” Cynthia retorted.

“He was human,” I said.

Cynthia raised an eyebrow. “A mortal man who performs miracles and rises from the dead? That’s some human. Now if you’ll excuse me . . .”

Jared didn’t budge, still unsatisfied. “Gabe and Jack believed Nina to be the woman in the prophecy, and they stole the book to try to figure out a way to stop it?”

“They stole it twice,” Cynthia corrected, “first, from a family, the Pollocks. They had spent lifetimes protecting it. Shax and his men alerted the Pollocks somehow, and your fathers were detected. While they and the Pollock men were distracted with one another, Shax absconded with his book. It was several months before Gabe located the book again and was able to successfully retrieve it. That’s when it all began.”

“Mother,” I said, impatiently, “when what began?”

Her eyes widened a bit, and she raised her hands, her fingers flared. “This, Nina! This! When protecting you and your father became difficult for the Ryel’s—when dark things began surrounding our home on a daily basis—his death. Honestly, Nina! What else could I mean?” she said, exasperated.

“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry,” I said to calm her.

She relaxed and then smoothed her expression. “Now, if you don’t mind, I really must be going,” she said, brushing past Jared.

Jared’s features tightened, instantly metamorphosing to anger. “I’m trying to save Nina’s life, and you’re worried about being on time for a party?”

Cynthia looked back at me with a sad expression. “It’s a mother’s duty to protect her child, but sometimes, we must let them save themselves.”

Her words stung me. Our relationship was never what one may call close, but when the occasion called for it, she extended some emotion. She had never been cruel or unkind, but at that moment, I felt like an orphan.

My mother walked to the waiting car quickly, disappearing when Robert closed the door behind her.

Jared pulled me into his arms, and I let my cheek burn against his chest.

“I can’t imagine how you must feel right now,” Jared whispered against the top of my hair, “but I want you to remember two things: Cynthia feels helpless, and that’s not a feeling she deals with appropriately, and I want to remind you that I love you, and that love is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. If she makes you feel unworthy or unwanted in any way, know that every breath you take is precious to me.”

I nodded, unable to thank him for the words I didn’t even know that I needed to hear.

We walked to the large staircase, and I slumped to the first step. “I don’t want to . . . I can’t think about her anymore.”

Jared nodded once. “So let’s think about what she said.”

A small laugh escaped my throat. “That I’m the woman in Hell’s prophecy? I’ve been told several things in the last twenty-four hours that are, quite frankly, ridiculous, and Cynthia’s story gets the prize.”

Jared didn’t smile. “What if it’s true? It’s not as if Cynthia is the most creative person on the planet. Why would she lie?”

I craned my neck, looking at him in disbelief. “Jared? I can’t believe you’re falling for her nonsense! My father never wanted children? That’s absurd! Jack was the best father anyone could ever hope for. You’ve said it yourself. He worshiped me.”

“Cynthia didn’t say he didn’t like children. I took it as he hoped to prevent something. We need to do a little digging in your ancestry.”

I rolled my eyes. “Wild goose chase. You’re wasting time even discussing this.”

“What do you know about your family?” he asked.

“What do you know about your family?” I retorted.

Jared’s brows moved in. “I have an uncle in South Dakota. My grandparents are gone, you know that.”

“So are mine. My parents were only children, Jared. I have no family to speak of.”

“So we start with the grandparents on Jack’s side,” he said, standing. “Where does Cynthia keep stuff like that?”

“Stuff like what?”

“Family albums? Newspaper clippings? A family tree?”

“I’ve never seen anything like that.” I shrugged.

Jared sighed. “Jack has a coat of arms in his office. You can’t tell me family wasn’t important to him.”

I cupped my chin in my hand and thought for a moment. Cynthia’s words replayed in my head. Kim’s story and Cynthia’s were now meshed together—intertwined because of the prophecy and the book it came from. Somehow life was even less normal than when a demon stood in my apartment. I felt like a freak.

“My father’s office . . .”

“You thought of something?” Jared said, pulling me to my feet.

My eyes widened. “Last year, when I was in Jack’s office for the Port of Providence file, one of his cabinets was locked. I never found the keys to it. When I found the file I was looking for, I sort of forgot about it.”

Jared pulled me to my feet, quickly climbing the stairs. I tugged on the drawers of the row of file cabinets until I found one that wouldn’t budge. “That’s it,” I said. “The keys in the desk don’t work. I’ve tried them.”

Jared looked around the room and then casually yanked the drawer. It made a loud popping noise, but it opened easily enough—for Jared.

“Well, that’s one way to do it,” I grinned.

Jared fingered through each of the papers. “You start with the bottom drawer. We’ll meet in the middle.”

I sat on my knees, pulling open my designated drawer. There were old pictures, overseas bank accounts, but nothing about family. The familiar frustration from the last time I had spent rummaging through his office for clues clouded my brain.

Jared powered through three drawers before I finished one, but when he reached the fourth, he stopped. He held a paper in front of his face and then looked beyond it to the adjacent wall.

“What is it?” I asked. Before he could answer, I noted that it was a drawing of a coat of arms, similar to the one hanging on the wall.

“Does the name “Franks” mean anything to you, Nina?” he asked.

I shook my head, pushing myself to my feet. “No. Should it?”

“You’re Irish, aren’t you?”

“Yeah? So?” Some days I had patience for his step-by-step approach of getting to the truth. This was not one of those days.

“It’s a common misconception. Surely Jack wouldn’t display something that didn’t specifically belong to him.”

“You lost me,” I said, hoping he would get to the point.

“Coats of arms were designed to designate a knight whose face would’ve been covered during battle. They are inherited from father to son, so it wouldn’t make sense to have a ‘Grey’ coat of arms for an entire family or last name. Jack wasn’t the type to buy into that nonsense, so this must be the original, passed down.”

“Okay.”

Jared scanned the drawing. “This is similar, but it’s not the same, and it’s unlike any crest or coat of arms I’ve ever seen.”

Jared handed the paper to me, and I recoiled at the misshapen beast. It had the body of a large cat, perhaps a panther or leopard, and large paws, which I guessed to be the paws of a bear. Seven heads ascended from its body with horns and crowns sitting atop those horns. It was grotesque.

“This is our family’s coat of arms? Sick,” I said, handing the drawing back to Jared. “No wonder Jack changed it. He couldn’t hang something that monstrous on the wall.”

“This is very similar to the creature in Revelations,” Jared said, staring at the twisted black lines on the paper: “the heads, the horns, the crowns. . . .”

“What creature?” I said, warily.

Jared made a face and then pored over the other files in the drawer. He stopped for a moment and then leaned in closer to the document that made him pause. His shoulders slumped. “Agh! No,” he whispered, his head falling forward.

“What is it?” I said, afraid of what he might say.

He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, pulling the paper from the drawer. He looked once more and then shut his eyes tightly.

I fidgeted. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

His eyes slowly opened, and the twin storms of his irises sent panic throughout my body. He glanced at the coat of arms on the wall. “I promise you, Nina. You don’t want to know.”

“I think I have to know at this point,” I said, pulling the paper from his hand.

Jared shook his head. “I can still figure out how to save you without you knowing everything. We’ve talked about that before. Trust me when I say that you don’t want to know this.”

I lowered my eyes to the paper. It was a list of names, similar to a family tree, but it only followed one line. My name was at the bottom. Higher on the list were names such as Dagobert the third and Clovis the first. The name at the top, Merovius, had two fathers: King Clodian and another name that caused my legs to disappear. I dropped the paper to the floor.

Jared supported my weight. “Sweetheart?” he said, pulling my chin up so that he could see into my eyes. He lifted me into his arms and carried me to Jack’s desk chair, kneeling before me.

“What . . . What does that mean? What the hell is a Beast of the Sea?” I wailed.

Jared shook his head. “It’s just a story, Nina, nothing more.”

“Tell me,” I whispered.

Jared’s jaws fluttered. “I don’t want to.”

“What am I?”

A small smile touched Jared’s mouth. “You’re human. You just have some pretty potent blood running through your veins.”

“I need to know,” I said, touching his cheek with my fingertips.

Jared seemed just as horrified as I was. In the beginning, he had tortured himself over bringing me into his world, stealing away my mundane life forever. Now it was I who regretted involving him in my life—we were both spiraling into a nightmare that didn’t seem to end.

Jared sighed. “Merovingians. You’re a Merovingian, Nina. A very long time ago, your family ruled with divine power, under the belief that they were direct descendants of Jesus Christ.”

“Jesus didn’t have children,” I scoffed.

“The myth is that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and their children are the ancestors of the Merovingian blood line. It’s known in less-human circles that the story was perpetuated to keep the Merovingians in power. There are people even today who believe it.”

“So you’re saying it’s not true? That’s a relief. I’m at least somewhat less of a freak.”

“I’m saying the Merovingians perpetuated the myth to survive. They are descendants of immortals, but the truth would have made them pariahs in their time. They would have all been hunted down and put to death.”

“I am no longer relieved,” I said, blowing my bangs from my face.

Jared looked away, cautiously choosing his next words. “Have you heard of the Nephilim, Nina?”

I shook my head, dreading where his story would go.

“Okay,” he said. “Have you heard of the story of David and Goliath?”

“Yeah,” I sniffed. “The skinny kid that threw a rock at a giant’s head and killed him.”

“Goliath was not one of a kind. He had family, people—Antediluvian Giants. Some called them Anakim. Others referred to them as Nephilim. They had many tribes, and their remains have been found measuring anywhere from nine-and-a-half feet to fourteen feet. Some have two full rows of teeth. They were different, not completely human. The Holy Bible acknowledges their origin in Genesis 6:2,4: ‘That the sons of God saw the daughters of men were fair, and they took them wives of all which they chose. The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also after, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bore children unto them.’”

“Sons of God? Like the ones Cynthia talked about?” I asked.

“Yes. Angels.”

“Do you know the whole Bible by heart?” I asked, attempting to detour the frightening thought swirling in my mind.

“Most of it,” he said. A corner of his mouth turned up slightly. It vanished as quickly as it appeared. “God wiped out the Nephilim with the great flood because their blood was contaminated, so to speak. He needed a direct and pure line from Adam to Abraham because they were prophesied as the forebears of the Messiah. Noah was his way to cleanse the blood line and ensure the prophecy would occur.”

“My brain hurts,” I complained, rubbing my head.

Jared kissed my hair, wrapping his arms around me. “Do you understand what I’m telling you?” he whispered softly. “Jack didn’t want children because he knew he carried Nephilim blood and the Merovingians are part of the prophecy in the Naissance de Demoniac. He knew when I fell in love with you that you and I would meet all of the requirements.”

“What requirements?” My voice was muffled from pushing my face into his chest.

“A prophecy requires certain elements to come together in order to come to fruition, Nina. A descendant of the Nephilim procreating with a hybrid . . . It’s the perfect storm. Remember when Eli told us that only seven other human/hybrid cases had happened since the dawn of time? How many of those humans do you think were Merovingian? Jack knew you were the woman in the book because he knew what he was and what I was. Once he knew I was in love with you, he made the decision to steal Shax’s book to try to find a way to protect you.”

“From what?” I cringed. I kept asking questions I didn’t want the answers to.

He lifted my chin to face him. “That’s why we need the book. I need to find out what interest they might have in a child we might have. I don’t know if they want it to happen or they will fight to prevent it. It depends on what that scenario means for Hell.”

“Wait,” I said, my mind finally focusing enough to form coherent thoughts. “You said the Nephilim were wiped out in the big flood. So how can I be related to them?”

Jared raised his eyebrows once, sighing. “That was a tactic used to keep Jesus’ blood line pure. That doesn’t mean fallen angels taking human women didn’t happen after that.”

“Oh,” I said, deflated. “I’m five foot four, Jared. How is it even possible I could have even an ounce of giant blood in me?”

Jared chuckled. “You’re Irish too. Makes me wonder how you’re Merovingian. They were leaders of the Franks, early German and French.”

“Well, now I know Jack was wrong. I couldn’t be French. The language is lost on me.”

Jared’s face turned grave. “We should take this seriously, Nina. We’re in the middle of a war. If I could leave you, that would be one thing, but I can’t.”

My mouth flew open. “Why would you even say that?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do—disappear from your life to keep you safe. As long as we’re together, you’re in danger.”

“I won’t let you,” I said, grabbing his shirt. The thought of being without him terrified me. “If I can’t be with you, I don’t care what happens to me.”

Jared grabbed my hands. “I know. That’s why I won’t leave you. And now that we know what you are, we need to find out who is threatened by it. And as frightening as it is, threatening Hell is the better option.”

8. Valediction

An unexpected knock on the door revealed Bex standing on the landing, holding a half-eaten apple. A backpack hung from his shoulder, signaling that he would be staying the night.

“You called him, didn’t you?” I accused Jared, crossing my arms.

Jared slipped on his jacket, preparing to leave. “You’ve had a long forty-eight hours. You need sleep.” He hugged me then, squeezing a bit too tightly.

Bex shifted his weight nervously, holding the door open with one hand, holding his apple with the other.

“Come on, Nina. You’re going to give me a complex,” Bex said. “I brought doves to put in the oven.” A sweet, hopeful smile lit his face, and I relaxed.

“Okay,” I said with a half-grin.

Jared patted Bex’s arm as he passed, but just as he stepped out onto the landing, I grabbed his jacket. “Wait. What if it’s different? What if he needs to tell me something?”

“Who?” Jared asked. His attention focused on me once again.

“Gabe or Jack. We’ve learned a lot today. Maybe the dream will change.”

Jared and Bex traded glances, and then Jared sighed. “Tomorrow.”

“I didn’t think we have time to spare,” I countered.

“We don’t, but . . .”

“I’m right. You know I’m right. So stay,” I said, pulling him into the loft.

Jared pointed at his brother. “Don’t go anywhere.”

Bex shook his head and then shut the door behind us. “No way, I wanna see this.”

“Great, now I’m a circus freak,” I said, making my way to the table. Jared pulled out my chair and I sat, taking his hand and kissing his palm in appreciation. We had spent the last two days together, yet I felt I hadn’t seen him at all.

Jared sat across from me with a smile. “You are far from a circus freak. You’re amazing. Big difference.”

“Watching me float and scream is not amazing,” I grumbled.

“You only floated once,” Bex pointed out, unwrapping the dove and seasoning it before shoving the baking dish into the oven.

We discussed the possibilities for over an hour. How I could do things in my sleep that I couldn’t do in a conscious state?

“It doesn’t matter how. What is important is why,” Jared said.

“It matters to me,” Bex said.

“You’re going to overcook your birds,” Jared said, nodding to the oven.

Bex jumped up, tending to dinner. He placed our plates of tender, steaming dove and mixed vegetables in front of us and then returned quickly with his own. “I’ve got to figure out how to do that. If she can do it, we have to be able to do it, right?” he said to Jared, shoveling meat into his mouth.

“She’s not doing it, Bex,” Jared said. His eyes darted from me to Bex in warning. It was clear he didn’t want to dwell on the subject during dinner.

“Oh, right,” Bex said, chewing.

After I finished the dinner dishes, I retreated to the downstairs tub, lingering long enough to let my fingers transform to dried raisins, and then I wrapped myself in my favorite terry cloth robe, making my way to the bed. Jared was waiting for me, his hair still wet from the shower. I crawled under the sheet next to him, relaxing my cheek against his bare chest.

I breathed him in, focusing on the moment, bathing in the gift of peace and stillness. No one spoke of others or giants. It was just us in our quiet space in time. In those moments, I found Heaven, and he was there with me, I could tell, as he pulled me in closer.

“I’m right here,” he whispered. ”Nothing bad will happen to you. I swear it.”

“Don’t swear.” I grinned, my eyes growing heavy. That heaviness rested over my entire body, warm and inviting. Jared’s skin felt like a silky electric blanket against mine, and I let myself sink into it. Any light that seeped through my eyelids extinguished, letting the darkness take me deeper into oblivion.

“Nina,” a voice said somewhere in the shadows.

“I’m here,” I said sleepily.

“You’ve really done it this time.”

“Daddy?” I said, sitting up. I was in my old bedroom. Jack sat at the foot of my bed. He was as I remembered him, his salt-and-pepper hair perfectly in place, his dark no-nonsense eyes looking softly upon me, clean-shaven, and in his favorite grey suit.

He smiled, but his eyes were sad. “I’m sorry I failed you. You’ll have to save yourself now.”

My lower lip quivered. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jack placed his thick hand on my ankle, his expression pained. “I tried many times. I couldn’t bear to see those sweet eyes turn sad. I wanted you to have everything, Nina, most of all a normal life.”

I smiled. “I hope it’s nice where you are,” I said, my eyes burning from the salty tears lining my lower lashes.

“The only thing missing is you.”

I laughed once and looked down at my hands. “I wish you were really here. I need you.”

“Find the book, Nina,” Jack said. The change of his voice made me look up. His chin was lowered, and he looked at me from under his brow—the way he always had when he wanted me to listen.

“Daddy?” I said, seeing movement behind him, slowly approaching us from the darkness.

Shax strolled into the light. His black eyes hadn’t changed.

“It’s time to wake up, Nina,” Jack said with an apologetic expression.

I glowered at Shax. “No,” I said, anger bursting from every pore in my skin.

Shax’s head cocked to the side like an animal. “What is she to us, Jack? Why do you protect her so?”

“Because she’s my daughter,” Jack said firmly, standing. He walked to the bedroom door and then turned to face Shax, his hand on the knob. “You’ve underestimated my family many times, beast. This time may be your last.”

Shax waved him away, and a loud noise forced me to cover my ears. Misshapen arms exploded through the door, throwing splintered wood onto the floor and my covers. Before I could recover from the noise, Jack was pulled through the door. Only traces of his blood on the door jamb and carpet had been left behind.

“No!” I screamed, reaching out from my bed.

Shax took a step closer and I recoiled.

“Stay away from me,” I said, looking around the room for something to use to defend myself.

Shax lurched forward, his wild black eyes and sharp features inches from my face. I scampered back, first against the head of my bead. Panicked, I continued to crawl backward away from him and found myself halfway up the wall.

Shax stood, looking up at me. He smiled with his crooked mouth and perfectly white teeth. “Running will get you nowhere, precious. We know what you are.”

He jumped, landing on all fours on the wall. My arms and legs couldn’t move fast enough as I climbed backward up the remainder of the wall. Shax’s arms and legs made quick jerking movements as he moved slowly toward me. His body looked twisted and unnatural.

When I realized I was on the ceiling, looking down at my bed, I closed my eyes.

“Wake me up, Jared! Wake me up!”

I opened my eyes, and I was back at the loft. Jared, Bex, and the bed were all twelve feet below me.

“Agh!” I screamed as I fell face-down onto the bed.

“I’ve gotta learn how to do that!” Bex said, jumping once with excitement.

Jared immediately turned me onto my back. “Nina?” he said, brushing my hair from my face.

“I’m fine,” I said, angrily.

“That was creepy,” Jared said, scanning me with his dark blue eyes.

“She was like Spiderman! That was freakin’ incredible!” Bex said. “I bet I can do that. I’m going to try.”

“We can’t float or climb walls,” Jared said through his teeth. The skin around his eyes was tight with worry.

“But she’s human! Even if she’s influenced, if she can do it, we must be able to!”

Jared’s brows pulled in. “What happened?”

I took a breath. “Jack was there.”

“And Gabe?”

“No, but Shax came. He said he knew what I was. Jack said that Shax had underestimated our family before. He said to get the book.”

Jared nodded. “That’s the plan.”

“I think he meant now,” I said, feeling a sense of urgency.

Jared looked to Bex, who was looking around the loft, listening.

“Bex?” Jared said.

Bex nodded.

“We all need to pack a few things,” Jared said. “We’re going to be gone for a couple of days. I want to be in the car and ready to go in five minutes.”

Jared’s and Bex’s forms turned obscure as they raced around the room at impossible speed, and I immediately pulled on a hooded sweatshirt and jeans then shoved my bare feet into sneakers. Jared held the door open for me as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. The iron steps knocked and echoed with my footsteps alone, although Bex was in front of me, with Jared following behind.

Bex threw our bags into the back of the Escalade then froze. He looked into the air, waiting for something.

“Are they coming?” I whispered.

Jared paused then took a step toward the loft. “No,” he whispered.

Bex shook his head. “They’re here.”

Jared left me then. My eyes barely kept up with his blurry form sprinting into the loft.

“What?” I said. Bex moved in front of me in a protective stance then gasped.

The building exploded. Multiple balls of fire rolled into the sky. Debris shot toward Bex and me, and he turned his back to the explosion, shielding my body from the blast. I crawled out from under him, seeing the bright orange glow of heat and smoke that used to be our home.

“No!” I wailed, reaching over Bex. I knew trying to escape from him grip was futile, but the explosion had happened less than a second after Jared had reached the stairs, and I was desperate to get to him.

I looked up to Jared’s little brother. His eyes were wide. He clearly didn’t know what to think. We waited there, and even though the fire roared before us, everything was silent.

I waited for Jared to emerge from the rubble. Every second that passed seemed like an eternity, and panic began to overwhelm any rational thought I tried to have.

“Come on, Jared,” Bex said, his grip on my arms a bit tighter.

“Go get him,” I demanded, my voice broken and shaking.

“I have to stay here with you,” Bex said. He seemed confused and in shock.

I pushed at Bex. “He’s in there somewhere! Go get him!” I screamed.

Bex grabbed each side of my face, looking deep into my eyes. “They are here, Nina. They’re all around us. I can’t leave you.”

“Good kid,” Jared said from behind us. His hair and clothes were singed, his face covered in soot, and the skin on his cheek bone was scraped and bleeding, but he was alive.

He held up two dusty picture frames: one with the black-and-white picture of me he took the day he fell in love with me and the other of us playing at the beach in Little Corn.

“Don’t do that to me ever again!” I yelled, balling up my fists and landing them straight onto Jared’s chest.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I’m sorry. I realized what was about to happen, and I had to go. These pictures were the only things in the loft I couldn’t lose.”

We turned to watch at our home fall in defeat to the fire. The beams creaked as they gave way, and glowing ash was thrown into the sky, floating all around us. My eyes poured out rivers of tears. I’d never realized how much I loved the loft until I witnessed it dying in front of me. Memories of our first date, listening to our song for the first time, cooking together, laughing, watching Claire and Bex grow a little more each time they entered the front door—it was all gone, reduced to cinders.

Sirens sounded in the distance.

“We have to go,” Jared said, gently escorting me to the passenger side of the Escalade.

As he pulled away, I watched the flames and glowing smoke until I couldn’t see them anymore and then turned to face forward. Jared placed his hand over mine, and then Bex put his hand over ours.

“It had to be Donovan,” Bex said.

I shook my head. “No. Claire took care of all the humans who might be a threat to us.”

“Except Donovan,” Jared said. His knuckles turned white against the steering wheel.

Bex leaned back in the seat. “He’s the closest human to Shax. Claire left him alive because he’s the taleh of a half-breed.”

“What?” I said, looking to Jared for confirmation.

He nodded. “Isaac. Very fast, very strong, but emotional. He’s been known to make mistakes, but he’s still dangerous.”

I blinked, processing what Jared had said. “So to kill Donovan we’d have to kill a hybrid.”

“Not just any hybrid,” Bex said, “the son of Michael, a deadly angel in the Holy Army, a warrior of God. At His word, they would exterminate entire blood lines, entire kingdoms.”

I laughed once. “The Michael? You’re joking.”

“Not the Michael, but he was very respected in that family of angels until he fell in love with Isaac’s mother,” Jared said, pulling the Escalade down a road leading us out of town. “Michael belongs to a family of angels that embodies God’s wrath, and if harm came to his son, that would be an act of war against Heaven. That is the only reason Donovan is still alive.”

The Escalade bounced over the uneven gravel road, and Jared came to a stop just outside a familiar chain-link fence. We walked hand in hand to the warehouse where I met Eli. Jared pushed the button and we waited. Nothing.

“I thought you said he wouldn’t speak to you?” I asked.

Jared stood—silent, patient, and calm. Twenty long minutes passed, and then we were finally buzzed in. The breath Jared had silently held, he released. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Bex led the way through the dusty cement hall. My footsteps echoed throughout the capacious room the hall opened up to, encased by a hundred dirty windows.

As before, we waited in the center.

Jared’s and Bex’s faces were marked by soot from the fire. Their expressions were composed, waiting for Eli to decide to show himself.

An hour passed and still we waited. Jared slid his arms from his jacket and hung it on my shoulders. I hadn’t even noticed the cold, but once the added heat was around me, I shivered.

“Patience,” Jared said. His words could have been directed at me or at Bex. I wasn’t sure.

After another hour, the columns of glass were ignited by the rising sun. Rays of white pierced through, illuminating the elegantly floating dust motes in its path. Glowing yellow squares infringed upon the shadows, and soon the entire floor glowed and warmed with the glorious grace of morning light.

“Nina,” a voice called from across the room. Eli walked toward us, his eyes focused only on me. He was dressed in the same attire he wore the last time we met: the crisp white shirt, the jeans, and sandals. His hair was spiky and blond. He made a clicking noise with his tongue. “You aren’t getting enough rest.”

“But you knew that,” I smiled sleepily.

One corner of his mouth turned up, but it wasn’t quite a smile. “I’m sorry, cupcake. I haven’t been much help.”

“Can you help us now?” Jared asked.

“We would love to, Jared. We’ve been instructed not to,” Eli said. Compassion was in his eyes but not apology.

“But why?” Bex asked, genuinely confused.

Jared watched Eli for a moment and then frowned. “They won’t intervene unless The Balance is disturbed.”

Eli reached his hand to me, and I took it. He pulled me into him gently. He towered over me, and I felt like a child wrapped in his arms. Emotion overwhelmed me, and I let myself tremble and weep unreservedly in the quiet sanctuary of his embrace. Jared’s hand touched my shoulder; Bex’s smaller hand touched my back. A sob that had been hiding somewhere deep within me found its way to the surface.

It felt good to cry. I had just seen my father for the first time since his death. With the pressure and horror of being the center of a story Hell took very seriously and now hearing that Heaven was unwilling to help, hope was dwindling. Crying was a sweet release, and in Eli’s arms, it was natural, much like a tearful moment in my father’s lap when I was hurt or frightened.

Eli released me and tenderly grasped a lock of my hair. “You have grieved for your former life, Nina Grey. It is time to rise up as the woman you are: strong, determined,” he smiled, “and stubborn.” He walked away from us, looking at the sky through the windows. “Humans see life as so precious when it’s fleeting. Add in the defensive instincts of a mother, and you’re nearly unstoppable, even in your fragile shell. It’s more inspiring each time I see it.”

“You know she’s not pregnant,” Jared said.

“Yet,” Eli said, turning with a knowing smile. “Let us visit again when the time is right, at the time when you have no more questions to ask but one.”

“What question is that?” I asked, but he was gone. “Damn it.”

“We need to get Nina back,” Jared said.

“Back to where, Jared? Did you forget your house is toast?” Bex said.

I shook my head, still in disbelief. Jared enveloped me in his arms, warmer and even more inviting than Eli’s.

“You have three choices, Nina: Cynthia’s, Lillian’s, or Kim’s.”

“Kim’s?” I sneered. “Even if I did still consider her my friend, I have no desire to live in the dorms again.”

Jared grimaced. “She’s the safest, option, Nina, and, yes, she’s still your friend.”

“Why is she the safest?” I asked.

Bex grinned. “They don’t mess with her. She’s like bug spray.”

I smiled. “She would hate that if she heard you.”

Bex pulled a gun from the back of his jeans and scratched his head with the barrel. “Okay. Where to, then?”

“I still have things at Cynthia’s. We’ll go there,” I said, taking in a deep breath. Luckily, Cynthia was consistently busy with charities, so she would be out and about more often than not.

“You’ll go there,” Jared said.

My mouth fell open. “I’m not going anywhere without you. You told me once you couldn’t go back to that again. What happened to that?”

“It’s not my first choice, I assure you,” he said, an uncomfortable grin twisting his mouth.

“It’s my house, Jared. You’re coming,” I said. I looked at Bex, then. “And there’s a room for you too.”

“I have a room. Thanks,” Bex said.

“Nina,” Jared began.

I held up my hand. “If you make me go to that house alone, I will spend all of my time in Jack’s office. I’ll move my bed in there. I swear to God.”

Jared had once told me that Jack’s office was the only room in my parents’ home that wasn’t wired with microphones or cameras. Jared could still hear me, of course, but having to guess what I was doing drove him crazy.

Jared smiled. “Don’t swear at Him. We need Him on our side.”

I frowned. “You know what I mean.”

He sighed. “Cynthia’s it is, then.”

9. Killing the Messenger

Nothing goes as planned. People say good-bye, buildings burn, and the impossibility of moving back in with Cynthia Grey after the age of eighteen can actually happen.

As I stood before the colossal home my father left to me after his death, I felt a bit nauseated at the prospect of walking its halls everyday again. Some of my best and worst memories happened within those walls: Jack chasing me down the halls, cooking my first meal, my father dying before my eyes, and everything I thought he was slipping away as I read a hidden file on the second floor.

But it was still home.

The gravel crunched beneath my feet as Jared walked me up the steps to the front door. The sun had hidden behind the thick clouds that were quickly moving in, and the air smelled like a mixture of winter and spring.

I took a deep breath and let it out as the wind blew the blond strands of my hair against my cheek. “I’m going to get unpacked and organized. I have to go into Titan before they think I’ve defected.”

Jared tossed the keys to Bex. “Update Mom and Claire. I need you back here at six thirty.”

Bex nodded once. “You got it.”

The smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the air as we walked in, and Cynthia’s heels signaled her approach. She stopped suddenly in the foyer.

“Oh! You startled me. Really, Nina, you could at least call if you’re going to visit so early.”

“We’re not visiting. We’re moving in,” I said, making my way up the stairs.

Cynthia rushed to the first step, looking up at us. “What on earth are you talking about?”

Jared turned to face her. “Donovan set explosives in the loft. Everything except what’s in our bags is gone.”

Cynthia paused for a moment, a common tactic of hers to calm her voice before she spoke when she was angry or taken off-guard. “Well, I’m glad Nina’s safe. How long will you be staying?”

“Indefinitely,” I said.

I had reached the top before she spoke again.

“You’re filthy,” she snapped, her heels clicking to the kitchen.

I smiled. She was always snippy when she didn’t want to show emotion—the soft sort.

Trying to find a professional ensemble from my high school wardrobe was nothing short of frustrating. It was then that it hit me that all of my belongings were gone: everything Jared and I had purchased together, the bed we shared, the downstairs tub. Different items in the loft flickered through my mind. It was strange how each of them, however insignificant they used to seem, were attached to a memory.

Tears pooled in my eyes and escaped down my cheek. I wiped them away and groaned. “I have nothing to wear! What was I thinking buying this crap?” I yelled. “Not a single pair of pumps matches anything in my closet!”

Jared sat on the end of bed, letting me express my anger and frustration with an understanding expression. After the rage-fueled tirade to find the right pair of shoes, I rode with Jared to Titan Mercantile.

We didn’t speak for most of the trip. Jared kept his eyes on the road, no doubt formulating a plan for the next step in finding the book. I was too tired to initiate conversation, or to try to find out piece by piece what plan of action he was considering.

“See you soon,” Jared smiled.

I kissed his cheek then stepped out onto the curb, looking back once more before pushing through the entrance doors.

Beth waited for me in my office, already organizing my call list in order of importance.

“And don’t forget the conference with the Japanese firm at nine,” she said, her head down.

“I’ve told you a million times, Beth. Yawatahama. It’s not that hard if you practice.”

Beth raised her hands in frustration and then dropped them, letting the papers in her hands slap her thighs. “I sound ridiculous,” she said. “Sasha laughs at me every time I try.”

“Oh, to hell with Sasha. Ask her to say something German. She sounds like a bloated mule.”

Beth laughed out loud, surprised at my mood. “You’re not sleeping again, are you?”

There were two quick knocks, and then Grant opened my office door wide, keeping his hand on the knob. “The prodigal daughter returns! How was your trip?”

“Great, Grant. I’m busy, what do you need?” I said, putting the phone to my ear.

His expression screwed, his nose wrinkling in disgust. “The Bainbridge group will be here in twenty minutes, Nina. Why didn’t you just wear pajamas?”

From collarbone to scalp, the burn of infuriation ignited my face in what I was sure was a beautiful shade of tomato red. My outstretched arm, with a rigid, pointed finger at the end, silently warned Grant to leave.

“Back away slowly, Mr. Bristol. No sudden movements,” Beth said.

Grant nodded, stepping backward until he was out of sight.

Beth placed a small bag on my desk. “Foundation, blush, mascara, and gloss. Get it on. I’ll meet you downstairs in fifteen.”

She closed the door softly behind her, and I took a deep breath. Just get through the day.

My cell phone rang once. “Not now, Jared,” I said aloud, knowing he could hear. The second ring cut short. “Thank you,” I whispered. I opened the compact from Beth’s bag and looked at myself in the mirror. “Holy Banshee, Nina! Get yourself together!” I said to myself.

Sasha stood next to the coffeemaker in the meeting room. “Miss Grey,” she said, handing me a fresh, steaming mug.

“Thanks,” I said, frowning with confusion at her bi-polar disposition. Wondering what she was up to was not on my agenda for the morning, not to mention I didn’t have the time or patience for it. That wouldn’t stop me from finding out, however.

The meeting went smoothly, and then I returned to my office, opening the door long enough for Beth to follow me through. I turned to see Grant and Sasha just behind her, but I shut the door. “Not now,” I said flatly.

“Okay, Nina. Totally unprofessional,” Sasha said, half laughing half surprised.

Beth watched the door for a moment in shock and then turned to me. “What the heck’s going on with you?” she asked. “And what’s that smell? Have you been camping?” she said, sniffing once.

I puffed, blowing my bangs from my face. “No. The loft is gone. Burned to the ground.”

“What?” Beth yelped.

“Keep it down. I don’t need a bunch of sympathetic well-wishers in and out of my office all day. Do me a favor?”

“Sure, honey, anything.”

I pulled a black credit card from my purse and handed it to her. “Go shopping for me. I need work clothes mainly and undergarments and a new briefcase. Makeup. You know what I use. And,” I looked down, “I want a pair of those,” I said, nodding to her pink satin pumps. Even in my foul mood, I couldn’t stop admiring the black lace collar and bow at the toe.

Beth smiled. “Yes, ma’am. You need a place to stay?”

“I’m back at home.”

“Yikes,” Beth said, her mouth pulling to one side.

“Tell me about it. And, Beth? If you can find anything to get the smoke out of my hair, get it. I don’t care how much it costs.”

“Lemon juice,” she said. “Then wash it out with shampoo. That’s what I do after I visit my uncle.”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

Beth shut the door, and then I heard a scuffle.

“I said no!” Beth said, stumbling back against the door.

Sasha pushed her way through and then smiled, smoothing her blazer and hair. “Nina. I need to talk to you.”

Beth stared at Sasha as if she’d gone insane.

“Nina,” Sasha said with a smile, breathing hard from her scuffle with Beth. “It will just take a minute.”

“It’s okay, Beth,” I said, motioning for Sasha to sit.

Beth narrowed her eyes. “Maybe for you, but if I wasn’t at work I would have kicked her bony little ass,” she said through her teeth, slamming the door.

“Well,” Sasha said, settling in the seat, “so much for southerners having manners.

“Keep in mind Beth holds grudges,” I said, thumbing through papers on my desk.

“What do you mean? She’s Southern.” She said the word with disdain. I could see in her eyes that at least five generations of Eastern audacity had blinded her to how tacky she sounded.

I looked up. “Yes, well, they’re polite. That doesn’t mean you can’t make an enemy out of them.”

“Oh,” Sasha said, looking back to the door nervously. “I, er, Grant wanted me to ask you about the Christmas party.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I have faxes coming out of my ears, and you’re shoving your way into my office to talk about finger foods? Don’t waste my time.”

“No, no.” she fidgeted. “I wanted your permission to chair it this year. I was hoping we could make it into more of a ball.”

“A ball,” I deadpanned.

Sasha smiled widely. “Yes.”

I waved her away. “Check with Jessica on the second floor about the budget. Stay within parameters, and personally, Sasha, I couldn’t care less.”

Sasha’s strained smile barely lasted until she reached the hall.

The rest of the day passed without event, or maybe it was because no one dared to approach me with anything less urgent than my office being on fire. The consequential spunk the insufficient sleep had graced me with was working. I hadn’t enjoyed Titan that much since I moved into Jack’s office.

By the time five o’clock rolled around, I trudged to the elevator and welcomed Jared’s arm when he offered it. The sluggish, heavy feeling over my body was familiar. I was reverting back to my former zombie days.

“No, you’re getting sleep tonight. Bex will be there at seven.”

I wondered if I’d said anything aloud, but didn’t have enough energy to ask. Just sitting in the passenger seat, watching trees and pedestrians move past my window, was exhausting. If I’d been coherent, I would have felt ridiculous for the permanently shocked expression on my face as I tried to keep both upper lids away from the lowers by pushing my eyebrows as high as they would go.

Jared wrapped his arm around my waist, leading me into the house. When the old, heavy door closed behind us, Jared stopped.

“Nina,” Cynthia called, appearing from the hallway. “You have a guest waiting for you in the great room.”

I puffed.

“Let me take your things, love,” Agatha said, pulling my makeshift briefcase from my hand.

“Thank you,” I mumbled. I walked down the main hall into the great room, blinking to focus once I recognized that it was Kim sitting alone on our large green sofa. She sat on the edge of her seat, her hands balled tightly together atop her knees. I sat across from her in my mother’s favorite Italian occasional chair.

It was then that I noticed Jared hadn’t joined us but had gone upstairs to prepare for a night away.

“Kim,” I said, blinking slowly.

“Looks like you need a nap,” she said.

“Nightmares.”

Kim looked to the floor, nodding. “Nigh, you don’t get to hate me. I would understand if the demonic voodoo stuff gave you the heebie-jeebies, but you’re just mad because you think I lied to you.”

The rankling produced a second wind. “You did lie to me. I don’t even know you.”

Her head popped up. “And I know you? Jared’s half-angel, and you’re not exactly your run-of-the-mill Brown co-ed yourself, Miss Merovingian. Have they told you what that means?”

“They told me,” I grumbled.

“So I just came to tell you that we’re still friends. And you can like it and let me piss you off as I used to without worrying if you’re really pissed. Got it?”

“Whatever, I’m pooped,” I said, pushing myself from the chair.

“Really? We’re good?” she asked.

I turned and, seeing her expectant eyes, I smiled. “Yeah, Kim, we’re good.”

Kim stood and then held out both of her arms, jutting her lip out. “Hugs?”

“Quit it.”

She let her hands fall to her thighs with a slap. “Well, thought I’d try.”

I walked her to the door, and she leaned close to my ear. “I’m going with Jared tonight. I’ll try not to make out with him while we’re hunting down your book.”

“You’re a good friend,” I said.

“Kiss noise,” Kim said, jogging down the drive to her Sentra. How had I missed that horrid thing? I was more tired than I thought.

Jared met me at the bottom of the staircase. He held my arm for a few steps and then gave up, lifting me in his arms and carrying me up the stairs.

“Shower,” I said.

Jared lowered me to the overstuffed mattress in my room. “In the morning. Bex is here. Sleep.”

I’m not sure when I fell asleep or how long Jared stayed, because I was unconscious the moment my head hit the pillow. The nightmares stayed away, even after my previous nightmare of Shax being in that very room. I was so tired and slept so hard that I didn’t dream at all.

~*~

I peeled my eyes open to see Bex standing at the end of the bed.

“Just so you know, that’s creepy,” I said, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

“Not as scary as your hair.” He frowned.

“Wow, you’re grumpy this morning.”

“Cynthia won’t let me near the kitchen.”

After three knocks on the door, Cynthia backed into my room, a tray in her hands. “Good morning. I thought I would bring you breakfast.”

“Does Agatha have the day off?” I asked.

“No, she’s downstairs. Why?” Cynthia asked.

I watched my mother for a moment in disbelief and then shook my head. “Nothing. Thank you.”

Cynthia left as quickly as she came in. “Mind the coffee, dear. It’s hot,” she called back as her heels clicked down the hall.

Bex’s eyebrows were nearly touching as his frown deepened. He had never been to my parents’ home, to my knowledge, and he wasn’t enjoying it at all.

“She warms up,” I said.

“That’s not what I’ve heard,” he grumbled.

“I’m going to hop in the shower. Has Jared called?”

“No,” he said, picking up the remote control. He switched on the television. “But he’s on his way.”

I thought about that for a moment and decided I already knew the answer. They could sense each other, and Bex was the most in tune out of the three hybrid siblings.

My morning routine finished without event, including Jared’s return home. “I thought you said he was coming,” I said, tightening my robe.

“He is,” Bex said, his eyes stationary on the screen.

“Nina, love?” Agatha called from the hall.

“Yes?” I said, opening the door. Agatha was holding several bags, and Beth stood behind her, her arms full of bags as well.

“You said you lost everything,” Beth said, brushing past me to the closet. She disappeared into my walk in, hanging the plastic-covered clothing on the nearly-empty iron rods.

I opened the door, watching her pull shoes boxes from one of the large sacks. Once she was finished, she looked at her watch. “Crap! I gotta go.”

“Beth.”

“Yes?” she said, whipping around.

“Thank you.”

She smiled. “Don’t thank me. That was so fun. I think I went a little overboard.”

She waved and then rushed back the way she came, her legs moving a thousand miles per hour. I shut the closet door behind me and pulled the first outfit I touched off its hanger. When I walked out into the bedroom, I froze in my tracks.

Jared stood in the center of my room, covered in dirt and blood, and his was face scraped and blotchy.

“Oh my . . . Oh my God!” I yelled, rushing over to him. “What happened?”

Kim walked in behind Jared, untouched. “I told him not to go without me, but he’s faster than I am.”

I touched Jared’s face. “What did you do?”

He grimaced. “The book was in my hand. I had it.”

“Where were you?” I said, helping him pull off his jacket. He was stiff and cringed with pain.

Kim’s usually stoic expression twisted as she watched me pull his t-shirt up and over his head. “Warwick,” she said. “We got the book, but Donovan was there.”

Six raw, bloody, and swollen bullet holes dotted different areas of Jared’s torso, accompanied by a large gash along his shoulder blade.

“Jared!” I screamed.

Bex left without a word.

“Where are you going?” I called after him.

“He’s going to find something to pull the fragments out.”

I helped him to the bed and then took a deep breath. It didn’t help. Tears welled up in my eyes. “You’re going to be okay, right?”

Jared managed a smile. “Yes. I’ll be good as new this time tomorrow.”

Bex returned with a towel full of different items. “Isaac was too much for you, huh?”

“Isaac,” Jared scoffed, rolling his eyes. Donovan and his Glock. And I plowed through approximately eighty demons before I got to them.”

“If you had waited for me to catch up with you, you wouldn’t have had to waste your time with them,” Kim snapped. She looked to me. “The second he learned the location of the book, he took off. I was twenty minutes behind him.”

I glared at Jared. “That’s not like you to be so impulsive and reckless. What were you thinking?”

Jared sighed. “That I wanted this to end.”

Plink. Jared cringed, and then Bex dropped bullet remnants into a bowl.

“I can’t watch,” I said, covering my eyes.

“You can’t go anywhere until we’re finished here. Then I’ll take you to work,” Bex said, pulling out another bullet.

“Watch the blood. Don’t get any on her sheets,” Jared said, cringing again.

“I’ll get new sheets,” I moaned. I took Jared’s hand in both of mine.

“It’s okay,” he said. “We’ll try again.”

“And hopefully not be so stupid about it this time,” Kim said from the door way.

“Do you think I care about that? I don’t want you near that book ever again!” I said, my voice higher with each word.

“Okay. Okay,” Jared said. “Don’t get upset.”

“Why would I be upset? My boyfriend comes home looking as if he just escaped from a horror movie.” I took one of the wet cloths Bex had brought upstairs and used it to wipe a deep cut above his eye. “Tell me everything.”

“The details aren’t important,” Kim said.

“The bottom line is I failed,” Jared said, his teeth clinched.

Kim shrugged. “We know who’s guarding it, what they’re capable of, and every angle of their defense, Jared. I wouldn’t call that failure.”

“So what’s Isaac like?” Bex said, dropping more fragments into the plate.

“He’s highly trained,” Jared answered.

“And psychotic,” Kim said. “You should have seen them. It was like a scene from Rambo. Neither of them would quit, and they’re both hybrids, so it was like a never-ending fight scene. One punch here, knife wound there, elbow, face punch, and then one of them goes flying across the room. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.”

“That’s enough,” Jared said.

My stomach wrenched at her words. “Please don’t go back. Not until Bex or Claire can go with you.”

Jared looked away. “It’s not that I couldn’t handle it on my own, Nina.”

“That’s not what I meant,” I whispered.

He frowned, apology in his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh. “Kim’s right. We did learn a lot last night. The problem is Claire’s not here and Bex has to stay with you.”

“What about someone else? Another hybrid?” I asked.

Bex laughed once. “If it comes down to it, we’ll have to take Donovan down. No one is going to help us down another hybrid without good reason.”

I looked down at Jared’s bloodied hands and then back to his stormy blue-grey eyes. “And saving me isn’t good enough for them.”

Jared nodded. “We have to persuade them that something big is coming, and to do that, we need the book.”

Kim knocked on the door jamb. “Now that’s irony. Come on, Nigh. I’ll take you to work.”

“Is that okay?” I asked Jared.

“I’d rather you wait,” he said.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kim said. She pulled up her shirt, revealing a handgun stuffed halfway into her jeans. “I’m packin’, demons run when they see me coming, and as Donovan learned last night, my right hook is wicked accurate.”

The glance Jared and I traded turned into involuntary smiles.

“Bex will be right behind you,” Jared said.

I kissed his cheek. “Maybe I should stay home today.”

“This is nothing. You should see the other guys,” Jared said with a wink. “Go on.”

Kim lifted my briefcase off the floor and held it out. I rushed to the bathroom, washed the blood from my hands, and then followed her down the stairs.

“Let’s take my car,” I said.

Kim shrugged. “Whatever.”

As promised, the ride to work was safe and uneventful. Bex pulled into the parking lot on his new barely-street-legal Ducati Streetfighter just as I stepped out of the car. The bike was a humming soprano, pushed to its limit until Bex slid in to park.

Kim stayed behind as I rushed into Titan, thankful that being the CEO sort-of-in-training granted me a spot on the elevator.

“Good morning,” I said to my co-workers as the doors slid closed.

Riding in close proximity to so many proved not so lucky after all. The thought of everyone breathing in such a confined space made me a bit claustrophobic.

When the elevator doors opened, I pushed my way out, taking a deep breath when my heels hit the carpet. “Oh, thank God.”

Grant’s door was open, his ankles were crossed on top of his desk, and he was lazily leaning back in his chair. My momentary relief from the elevator was short-lived, and my face screwed in disgust.

I made a bee-line for my office, hoping Grant would be too comfortable to get out of his chair.

“Hey, peanut,” Grant said just as I sat down.

“Nina,” Beth said, walking in with her head down. She was biting on the end of her pencil, concentrating on a notebook planner. “The meeting with Yawa . . . Yaw . . . the Japanese is on Thursday, but the Wellingtons will be in town and hoped to squeeze in some time.”

“Make time. I’d love to steal them away from Donaldson,” I said, tapping a pen against my desk.

“Sounds as though it’s a better day,” Grant said, nodding. He bowed out without another word.

“Now it is,” I said, noting Beth’s smile as she stifled a giggle.

“So,” she said, forcing her smile to fade. “Chad’s been asking. Have you heard from Ryan lately? Or at all?”

I no longer had to fight a smile; my face immediately fell. “No, nothing.”

Beth nodded. “I hope he’s okay.”

“If he weren’t, we would find out, right?” I said to reassure her.

She took a deep breath and nodded. “Right. I’ve gotta make some copies. You want coffee?”

“No, thanks.”

Once Beth was off doing other things, Grant returned.

“I actually had a point to coming in here. I need to talk to you about Beth.”

“Oh?”

Grant flashed his million-dollar smile, and I had to physically restrain myself from recoiling.

“Peanut, I realize she’s your friend, but it’s not exactly cost-efficient to keep her on-board during the school year.”

“Are you suggesting I fire her?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

Grant sighed. “You’re not looking at this objectively. You’re in the office, yes, but technically you’re still an intern until you graduate. Why would I pay someone to assist an intern?”

“Because I told you to.”

After a short pause, Grant smiled, wider than before. “You’re going to do just fine here.”

“Thank you, Grant. That will be all.”

He shook his head, chuckling to himself as he left the way he came.

~*~

I was buried under a few stacks of documents when Beth brought me back to reality with her chirpy voice. “Time to go home, Nigh.”

“Oh.” I looked at my watch and then smiled. “Home.”

I haphazardly stuffed a few files into my briefcase before rushing down the hall and then pressed the button. As soon as the doors opened, I hopped inside, fidgeting the entire trip to the first floor. The doors slid open, revealing the brilliant late-afternoon sun gleaming through the lobby glass. Jared was waiting by the Escalade, a contrived smile on his face.

“What is it?” I asked, after greeting him with a quick kiss. My excitement to see him was infiltrated by a sense of dread. The two didn’t settle well, and I instantly felt nauseated.

He raised a pair of my sneakers. “I thought we could check out what’s left of the loft. See if anything’s left.”

I could only nod, dreading the sight of our home reduced to a heap of ash.

“Put these on,” he said. “It’ll be hard enough sifting through everything, let alone in heels.”

I took the shoes in my hand and then sat on the curb. Jared handed me a pair of socks, and I tugged those on followed by the sneakers. He watched me in silence, a residual, forced grin on his face. He wasn’t looking forward to the aftermath any more than I.

The drive seemed to take an eternity, yet it still wasn’t long enough for me to prepare. When Jared pulled to the curb, I stumbled from the Escalade, each side of my hair bunched in my fists. “Oh my God,” I whispered.

Jared milled about the charred remnants, bending down once in a while to inspect something not quite destroyed.

“There are a few boxes in the back,” Jared said. “Would you grab one?”

I took wide steps and hopped until I was clear of the debris then went to the Escalade and opened the hatch. I brought back a large cardboard box. There were two more, but it was overly optimistic to bother with them; the few belongings that were still intact couldn’t fill the first box. Silverware, a few brittle-edged pictures, the monitor of my laptop, and a set of throwing knives were among the salvaged. Yellow tape surrounded most of the carnage, highlighting the place that was once our home.

My hands turned black as I dug carefully through the black mess under our feet.

“What are you looking so ambitiously for?” Jared asked.

“I was hoping we’d find at least pieces of your journal, but I haven’t even seen the binding. Have you come across it?”

He smiled. “I keep it in the Escalade. It’s safe and sound.”

“Good,” I said, overwhelmed at the mountain of rubble.

“We should go. The fire marshal has already interviewed me twice. If anyone sees us poking around, it’s going to attract attention.”

“I guess.” I stood up from my squatted position, dropping a charred piece of the frame that contained the last picture of my father.

“I’m sorry about that,” Jared said. “I should have tried to get that out too.”

“It’s not your fault. They did this to get a reaction, to see if we’d retaliate or if it would cause dissension between us. The last thing I’m going to do is give them what they want. It’s just stuff.”

Jared walked over to me, tenderly wiping my face. “You’re covered in soot. Let’s go home.”

“That’s not home, Jared. This was home and it’s gone.” I was surprised at the tears that welled up in my eyes. Crying hadn’t crossed my mind until that very moment.

“Maybe we should start looking for a place?” he smiled.

“So they can torch it too? No, thank you.”

Jared’s expression was pained. “It won’t happen again.”

“You don’t know that,” I said, tugging on his hand, leading him to the Escalade. “We have no idea what they’ll do next.”

10. New

Summer wound down, and Beth and I undertook the process of delegation. Our schedule at Brown would make it impossible to maintain the hours we’d been keeping at Titan.

Jared made frequent calls to Claire to check on Ryan’s progress, which steadily improved, at times faster than Claire would have liked. To our surprise, Ryan wasn’t fighting the decision to decommission him. He was focused on getting well and getting back to the States—something none of us had anticipated.

As promised, Jared didn’t try another ambush on Shax or Donovan and Isaac. Instead, he became obsessed with constructing a fail-safe plan, one that included a Plan B and additional help. He refused to let the book get away from him a second time.

Bex had grown two more inches, which was a good thing. His inflated ego needed all the room he could give it.

Jared and I spent my last day of summer break at our oak tree. We stretched out across a blanket that Jared had spread over the grass just inside the shade of the tree. I kept my eyes closed, quiet and lazy, listening to the bugs buzzing and the grass dancing in the wind.

“You’re officially a college junior tomorrow,” he said with a proud smile, brushing the petals of a wildflower down the line of my jaw.

“I am,” I said. “Another summer gone. Just one more left before I graduate.”

Jared squeezed my hand, turning his attention to the carving above us. “Hmmm. Where do you see yourself this time next year?”

I breathed out a laugh. “I have no idea. Why don’t we make this an annual event? We spend the day at our oak tree the last day of summer break next year too.” Jared grimaced, and my expression mimicked his. “What?”

He worked to smooth out the deepening line between his brows. “Nothing.”

“Jared,” I warned. I became impatient very quickly when he kept things from me, and he seemed to be taking that risk more frequently.

He sighed. “I was hoping your answer would be different; that’s all.”

“Different how?” I asked.

“I was hoping you would say you saw yourself married this time next year,” he said quietly.

“Oh,” I said, sheepishly.

“I’m trying very hard to be patient about this,” he said, his voice suddenly strained. “I don’t understand why you’re putting it off.” He chuckled nervously. “I thought we’d be married by now.” His eyes were still bright, but I could hear the edge of worry in his voice.

“We’ve discussed this, Jared, a lot. I don’t have time to plan a wedding right now. It’s not that I’m putting it off. I’ve just got a lot on my plate is all,” I said, twisting my ring around my finger.

Jared rested his hand on mine. “I know you do. But it doesn’t have to be an elaborate event. We’re engaged. We’re living together. Is there a problem I should be aware of?”

“Of course not.” I smiled. “I just need a little more time.”

Jared’s contrived smile didn’t hide the heavy disappointment in his eyes, but I pretended not to notice. I wanted to marry him more than anything, but I wanted to do it right. I certainly didn’t want to feel rushed to get home from our honeymoon because of chapters to study, papers to write, or learning how to run another department of Jack’s company.

“A year is a reasonable engagement.” He clenched his teeth and frowned. “Two years is . . .” He was clearly vexed by the idea of waiting another year.

I touched him on the arm. “We won’t have a two-year engagement, Jared.”

“So you’re going to settle on a date sometime this year?” he asked, hopeful. The look in his eyes made it impossible to say anything but yes.

“I will. I just have to find time to plan a wedding between twenty hours of school and Titan.” I felt my expression compress as I thought about the ramifications of my statement.

Jared looked ahead, his eyes tightening with focus. “I will find time. I will create time if I have to.”

“Well, you do have Divine connections. I’m sure you could make that happen,” I teased. I peered up at the giant tree, squinting from the sunshine poking through the leaves. The branches swayed with the breeze, and I smiled. “I love it here.”

“Good. I do too.”

“It’s so amazing that Gabe brought Lillian to this exact spot.” My eyes lingered on the rudimentary heart and initials of Jared’s parents and then followed the elegant details of the vines and leaves inside the heart with our initials inside. I looked back to Jared’s glowing blue-grey eyes. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

“Just get my fiancée to actually marry me,” he said, winking.

I pressed my lips together into a tight line. “I said I’d set a date.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Jared said, raising an eyebrow.

“Is that a challenge?”

“Whatever works.” Jared grinned.

“I promise. I’ll set a date.”

“Within the next ten years?” he asked playfully.

“I’ll set a date for this year,” I said, raising my chin.

“This year. Really?”

“Did you think I was kidding when I said yes?”

“No. I just didn’t realize when you said yes that you meant someday.” His tone was lighthearted, but I felt a twinge of guilt in my chest. Jared immediately reacted. “I’m kidding, sweetheart,” he said, tucking my hair behind my ear. Instead of the ends of my hair wrapping around the bottom of my ear as it used to, it brushed against my shoulder.

I looked down, picking at my fingernails. “I know, but it’s true. You didn’t expect a long engagement.”

“Well, I assumed maybe a year with everything happening so fast. But when the year came and went and you never so much as mentioned it . . .”

“Oh. You think it’s not important to me,” I said, my face feeling hot.

“I didn’t say that,” he quickly backpedaled.

I looked up at him under my lashes. “But that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Well,” he hesitated, “you do tend to insinuate that there are other things you’d rather focus on. I understand, but I can’t help but be a little disappointed. It was my idea after all.” He grinned, kissing my forehead.

I slowly crawled into his lap. “I love you, Jared Ryel. There is nothing I want more than to be your wife. I promise to get right to work on that date, okay?”

Jared beamed. “Thank you.” His lips traveled to mine but quickly pulled away. “You’d better keep this to yourself. I think Mom has finally accepted that no amount of encouragement on her part is going to produce a wedding. It’s probably best to let her think you have other things on your mind.”

“Good plan,” I said, pushing him back against the blanket.

He smiled. “Speaking of Lillian, she invited us to dinner. Apparently, she has a surprise.”

“A surprise . . . Do you know what it is?”

Jared shook his head. “Not a clue.”

I looked at my watch. “We’d better get going if we’re going to wash up and make dinner.”

Jared stood up and brought me with him. We rolled the blanket, and I fastened it to the back of Jared’s motorcycle. Then we made a quick stop at the loft, trading the bike for the Escalade.

After a quick stop at Cynthia’s, Jared drove us to his mother’s. We had been to Lillian’s more than enough times for me to get past the night of the invasion, but no matter how many times we made a visit, an overwhelming sick feeling still came over me as we pulled into the drive.

“No need to be nervous,” Jared said.

“I’m not. I’m starting to wonder if it’s post-traumatic stress,” I said with a half-smile.

Jared didn’t share my humor over the subject. “It’s a possibility,” he said as he opened the passenger door.

We walked to the house, and Jared stopped abruptly.

“What?” I asked, scanning his face.

He was working far too hard to mask an emotion. “Nothing. Everything is fine.”

“Jared,” I said as we walked. “Something’s wrong.”

“No. No, everything’s fine.”

The closer we got to the door, the harder my heart throbbed against my chest. Jared reached out with one finger to press the doorbell.

The door swung open and I gasped. “I don’t believe it.”

“Well, that’s a hell of a reception. I missed you too.”

“Claire!” I squealed, wrapping my arms around her neck.

She didn’t hug me back but stood with her hands on her hips. “You confuse me.”

“I’m sorry!” I said, breathlessly. “I just . . . I wasn’t expecting you.”

Lillian walked to Claire’s side, casually crossing her arms. “Surprise,” she said with her warm, sweet smile.

“Wait,” I said, my eyes darting to everyone. “Does this mean that Ryan is . . . ?”

Claire nodded. “He’s at the Providence VA Hospital to finish his rehabilitation.”

My hands flew up to my mouth, and then I hugged her again. “I’m so glad you’re home,” I whispered into her ear.

“Me too.” Claire smiled.

We sat at the table for dinner. The symphony of our laughter filled every inch of the house. I cleared the dessert dishes and listened to them talk and giggle. I waited in the kitchen, smiling to myself as I soaked in the sound of love Bex, Claire, Lillian, and Jared exchanged, even in their teasing.

“Nina?” Jared called.

“Coming,” I said, starting the dishwasher.

“I’m sure Nina wants to hear more about her friend,” Lillian said.

Jared’s expression changed so slightly that I was sure no one at the table noticed but me. The skin around his eyes tightened as the corners of his mouth turned up—something he always did when he tried too hard to cover how he was feeling. I took his hand in mine and squeezed. He seemed to relax an infinitesimal amount, and I shook my head.

“Tonight is about Claire,” I said.

Claire touched the napkin to her mouth and rolled her eyes. “He’s a machine. He’s been working like crazy trying to get well. His psych analysis wasn’t exactly . . . He told them about me.”

“He saw you?” Jared said.

An awkward pause sent tension into the air. “He thinks he did,” Claire said. “My face was covered with the hijab, so he only remembers my eyes, but they’re questioning how a woman with the small frame he described could have carried him out.”

Bex chuckled. “What a pinhead. Did he really think they would believe him?”

Claire stared at the table. “He told them I was American. He told Colonel Brand he thinks he knows who it was.”

“Not good,” Jared said.

Claire looked up. “But he only told the Colonel, no one else. After they gave him the results of his psych eval, he insisted he be placed in Providence.”

“Way to go, Claire. You blew your cover.” Bex smiled.

Jared leaned his elbows on the table. “This is serious. You need to stay out of sight, Claire. Lay low.”

“I know,” Claire grumbled, her eyes returning to one spot on the tablecloth. “I could say the same thing to you, you know. No one’s torching my house.”

“What?” Lillian said, her eyes darting to Jared.

He glared at Claire for a moment and then looked to Lillian. “There was a small fire. Everyone is fine.”

“A fire?” Bex said. “They set explosives at the loft. Everything’s gone.”

“Who’s they?” Lillian asked. She was concerned, but not in the way a typical mother might be. She didn’t seem overly worried about Jared’s well-being. It was clear she was years ahead of me as far as experience with hybrids. She knew exactly what her children were capable of, and I wondered if I would ever have that same peace of mind.

“Donovan,” Jared said.

“Interesting,” Lillian said, thoughtfully. “How do you plan to resolve that, son?”

“We’re going to need help that won’t come,” Jared replied, clearly frustrated with his own words.

Claire’s eyes narrowed. “You talked to Samuel?” Jared nodded and she continued, “Eli?” When Jared nodded again, she shook her head in disgust. “It’s that bad?”

“Eli talked about a balance,” I said. “They won’t get involved.”

“You know,” Claire said, leaning forward in her seat, “if it gets to that point, we could force them.”

“That better be one frightening, desperate point,” Bex said. “That would mean war.”

Lillian held up her hand. “That would be a last resort.” She stood, making her way to me. “Nina, what I’m about to ask you will be very difficult, but I need the truth.”

“Okay,” I stuttered, worried what she was going to ask.

Lillian lowered her chin. “What did Gabe say to you on the plane?”

Jared frowned. “What are you talking about? He didn’t come to her on the plane.”

I bit my lip. “Actually . . .”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said, noticeably angry. Before I could answer, he began again, “Don’t you know that everything is important now?”

“Jared,” I said, embarrassed, “he said to go home. He said not to see Claire. I knew you wouldn’t leave her there alone until you knew she was all right.”

Jared looked to Claire and then to Lillian. “Does he talk to you?”

His mother smiled. “At night. Only if it’s important. She knows about Kim now?”

“Yes,” Jared answered.

Lillian’s mouth pulled to the side, disappointed. “That was a mistake. Your main focus should be the book. It’s vitally important that you have it in hand.”

“Kim and I made a deal,” Jared explained. “She’ll help us obtain the book if we help her return it to Jerusalem under the Sepulchre where her ancestor found it. She wants to free her family of it.”

Lillian’s eyes flitted about as she thought. “If she’s helping you, why would your father try to keep Nina away from her?”

“Away from Kim?” I asked. “She’s harmless.”

“Is she?” Claire snipped.

“Dad is wrong this time. We need her,” Jared said, clearly uncomfortable. Gabe was the foundation of their family, a fallen angel from Heaven, pure-blooded. The thought of him making a mistake was a hard pill to swallow, and even Jared wasn’t convinced of his own words.

Everyone at the table sat silently, processing the situation. Finally, Bex spoke. “We’re all here. Let’s go get it.”

“We need a plan,” Jared said. “And we can’t leave Nina unprotected.”

“So Bex watches Ryan and Nina, and you and I go,” Claire said.

Jared rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve already tried. I’m telling you we need a plan.”

“You went there and didn’t leave with the book?” Claire said, raising an eyebrow.

“He had it in his hands,” Bex said, chuckling. Jared shot Bex a sharp look, and the boy’s smug expression immediately vanished. “Sorry,” he said, clearing his throat.

“I was a little outnumbered,” Jared explained. “By eighty or so.”

“So?” Claire said, unimpressed.

Jared huffed. “We’ll talk about this later.”

The ride home was long, and the air in the cab of the Escalade was thick with tension. I didn’t dare talk first. Jared’s jaw was tight, and his knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel. He drove closer to Bex’s typical speed, impatient with the stop lights and traffic.

Jared parked in the drive and then appeared at the passenger door. Without a word, he helped me to the ground. I wrapped my arm around his, and we walked in quiet understanding.

After a long shower, I set out clothes for fall classes the next day. Jared waited for me, sitting on the end of the bed.

“You’re not staying,” I said, more of a statement than a question.

He stood. “Bex will be outside. I won’t be far.” He tightened the belt of my robe and then encompassed me in his arms, leaning down just inches from my face. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said, pressing his warm lips softly against mine.

He intended the kiss good-bye to be quick, but his lips lingered on mine. I ran my hands over the perfection of his chest and stomach and then made my way to the bottom of his shirt, reaching underneath the fabric to touch his soft feverish skin.

“You could stay,” I whispered, smiling against his mouth.

“I want to,” he said, his voice strained.

“Just for a little while? I won’t keep you long,” I began to raise his shirt, but he gently restrained me by the wrists.

“Bex is downstairs.”

“Crap,” I said with a grimace. My hands fell to my sides, and I blew my bangs from my face in a huff.

Jared left me alone, and I ambled to the bed. Once my head hit the pillow, I was surprised that the yearning for his warm body beside me or thoughts of Ryan or Jack or the upcoming day of tedious bombardment of syllabi and introductions never crossed my mind. Heaviness came upon me, and I gladly succumbed.

~*~

“Nina!” Beth shouted from the end of the hall. She rushed to catch up and then threw her arms around my neck. “Can you believe we’re back already?” She looked around, scanning faces of passing students.

“No,” I said, grinning at her endearing over-enthusiasm for everything.

I didn’t bother bringing my laptop; every class would be the same. Beth filled me in on the last few details she’d taken care of at Titan, and we discussed the monstrosity that was Sasha and the fact that she would be staying on.

“How far does she think she’ll go in that company, now that she’s made an enemy of you?” she asked, rolling her eyes.

“You make the mistake of believing she thinks. She did take on the Christmas party. It makes me wonder what she has up her sleeve.”

“Hopefully breath spray,” Beth said, covering her mouth. “I can’t believe I just said that.” Beth giggled and I shook my head.

My attention was diverted to a group of boys that walked through the door. Josh led the group. As Ryan’s best friend, he wasn’t a fan of mine and made it quite clear that he’d rather not be around me. Chad admitted that Josh accused me of being the reason Ryan left. Beth came to my defense, of course, but that didn’t make him wrong.

Once Josh caught a glimpse of me, his eyes became unfocused. He looked right through me before pretending to be deeply engrossed in whatever his friends were saying.

Beth glared at him as he found his seat. “He really needs to get over himself.”

“He’s just being the same kind of friend to Ryan that you are to me,” I mumbled, fiddling with my pen.

“Guess I can’t fault him for that.”

I found myself fighting the urge to tell her that Ryan was not only back, but just a few minutes away. Not being able to see him when he was so close was bad enough; even though I had thought of several different scenarios where I could happen across that information, I couldn’t tell Beth until Claire gave me the green light.

“Good morning,” the professor said, passing out the intro packet for the class.

I sighed when Beth handed me a stack of papers, and I took my own, passing on the rest. I didn’t bother thumbing through the pages like the other students, but settled into my seat, making a valid effort to pay attention. The mundane pieces of my life used to be what I was so desperate to hold on to. In the last month, it was all I could do to make an active effort to be a participant. College seemed trivial compared to the other part of my life.

After classes, I smiled at the sight of Jared’s Escalade waiting in its usual spot. He had warned me that morning that I wouldn’t see him at lunch. He said it was to give me time to catch up with the girls, something about “holding on to a shred of normal.” I was too busy being offended to hear.

He quickly opened my door for me, and I wrapped my arms around his middle.

“Well, hello,” he said, amused at my eager affection.

“Oh, like you didn’t miss me too,” I said, smiling up at him.

He raised one eyebrow. “Do you even have to ask?” He watched me settle into my seat and then sighed. “I thought I should tell you Claire called. Ryan should be released soon.”

“Can I see him yet?” I said, a bit more enthusiastic than was appropriate.

Jared tried to hide his disappointment at my words. “He hasn’t told anyone he’s here. How would you explain your visit?”

The tightness around his eyes gave him away. He was still worried. Now that Ryan had been wounded and was home after such a long time away, I imagined his concern was at a new level.

“Ryan and I are different people now. Everything has changed,” I said, touching Jared’s cheek with my fingertips.

“As long as Ryan is in love with you, I will always have reason to worry.”

I leaned in to kiss him. “How can I convince you?”

Jared pulled away from me, shifting uncomfortably.

“What is it?” I said, frowning.

“Don’t get mad,” he began.

I crossed my arms. “A disclaimer? This should be good.”

He took a deep breath. “Until we find the book and figure out a way to keep you one-hundred-percent safe, I think the intimacy should be kept to a minimum.”

“Oh, for the love of God, not this again,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“It happens all the time, Nina. We can’t risk it,” he said, covering my hand with his.

I smirked. “You can’t use your abracadabra to figure it out?” I leaned in to kiss his neck. “Haven’t you heard of the rhythm method? We’ll put our own spin on it.”

“I would consider myself an intelligent person, but no, can’t say I’ve heard of it.”

“You just figure out when I’m ovulating, and we abstain for those few days.Voilà! Birth control. We have the hybrid edge.”

Jared’s nose wrinkled in disdain. “That doesn’t seem like a solution to me.” He leaned away from my kisses, and I crossed my arms in a pout.

“It’s better than your proposal.” I frowned. “Are you saying you can’t do it?”

“What makes you think I can?”

My eyes narrowed. “Eli said once we were intimate your senses would change. You’ve never once mentioned how or even if they have.”

“That discussion is better left alone,” he said, maneuvering out of my embrace. He faced forward, clearly unwilling to elaborate.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” I said, lifting my chin in defiance.

Jared quickly commandeered the driver’s seat, shoved the gear shift into drive, and pulled into the street. “Nina, I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but I will. I love you more than anything on this earth, more than anything in the universe. I love you more than life, more than my family, and I love you more than I love being with you in that way. Your safety is, and will always be, my first priority. This isn’t the kind of risk I took sitting beside you on that bench the night we met or telling you what I am. Making a mistake concerning an accidental pregnancy will mean an all-out war, because that is exactly what will have to happen to keep you alive.”

The smile or wink I was hoping for never came. He had always been careful to protect me from the truth without telling a lie, but the seriousness of the situation warranted a bluntness Jared usually avoided.

It took a long time for me to reply. My initial reaction was to complain, but Eli’s words echoed in my mind. He had told me it was time to break away from being the victim. He was very clear that my time to feel sorry for myself was over.

That gave me an idea.

I attempted a small smile. “I understand you know better than I do what will happen. You know exactly what consequences to expect when a choice is made—especially if it’s the wrong one. I’m human, Jared, but that doesn’t make me frail. You have to give me more credit than that. It’s time you teach me some of what you know.”

Jared’s forehead wrinkled. “Like what?”

“How to shoot a gun, for instance, and basic self-defense wouldn’t hurt.”

Jared pinched the bridge of his nose. “A gun isn’t going to help you in this particular situation, sweetheart, much less a solid knee to the groin.”

“You don’t think I can do it.”

“Why would you need to when you have me?”

“What if you’re busy?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You mean too busy to do my job? The one that includes protecting the love of my life from certain death?”

He was trying to scare me, but I stood my ground, determined to prove my case. “Do I have to remind you of the night at the restaurant? Claire stayed behind while you took care of business?”

“That’s different. I would’ve never left you if Claire hadn’t been there.”

“If I had known how to shoot a gun, I could have helped. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Teaching you just enough to make you dangerous is not helping. It gives you the impression that you’re capable of more than you actually are.”

My mouth fell open. “Now that’s just insulting. Do you really see me as helpless?”

Jared laughed once, amused. “No. Definitely not, but we’re not dealing with Graham anymore, Nina. Others are an enemy you don’t want to piss off by shooting at.”

“Fine,” I said, a fake smile tightening my face. “I’ll have Bex or Claire teach me. She’s offered before.”

Jared clenched his teeth. “Neither of them will do it without my explicit permission, and if they do, you’re going to start something you can’t take back.”

“That’s not fair!” I said, fully recognizing the whine in my tone. I waited until my voice could sound calmer and then spoke again, “I happen to know there’s a gun club in Cranston.”

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Jared said, slowing as he pulled into the drive.

“Probably not, no,” I said. Jared huffed in frustration. “It’s just that I . . . It’s suffocating being in your shadow. According to you, my life is constantly in danger and I have to wait for you to save me. It would be nice to know if for whatever reason I’m alone that I can do something to protect myself.”

Jared’s eyes met mine and then he nodded once. “Okay. We’ll start Saturday.”

11. Favor

Jared’s lessons were not easy. When I caught a break from him, Bex pushed me further. When I wasn’t at school or Titan, the three of us were in the field by the oak tree, aiming, punching, blocking, ducking, attacking, and subduing. It was mentioned more than once that I was a fast learner, and Bex said that I was a natural with any gun they put in my hand.

Jared didn’t agree. He thought I was clumsy, slow, and impatient.

Sleep came more easily than ever. Every night, I fell into bed, my muscles screaming for rest. Dreams of Jack were replaced with calculated moves and steps I would take to get the upper hand in hand-to-hand combat. Jared would tend to my sore spots. Regardless of his efforts, the area would inevitably be a series of purple splotches in the morning.

The weeks passed, and once the trees shed their leaves, winter wasted no time covering the debris of fall with a blanket of white. Ignoring Cynthia’s protests, the boys moved the furniture in the great room to transform it to a sparring ring.

The target practice, weight training, and sparring were nearly a daily ritual. Jared and Bex were always present. Once Claire caught wind of our new hobby, she came when she could. I always looked forward to the days she would join us.

Claire was more than capable of doing everything her brothers could, but I related to her with the knowledge that she had to work that much harder to prove herself. I would never be as fast or as strong as the hybrids, but I earned their respect with my stubborn refusal to quit or rest. Claire understood my resolve, and when she looked at me, she assumed strength when the boys assumed weakness.

The mirror was proof of not only my mistakes from the bruises but my hard work. My arms weren’t nearly as tight as Claire’s, but they were taking on a toned look that I was proud of.

The day before Thanksgiving, Jared finally offered his first word of encouragement.

“Better,” he said with an emotionless nod.

That single word gave me the determination to continue. I was only human, but if I could keep up with Jared, Claire, and Bex, I could hold my own with Donovan or Shax’s other human minions. At least I could try.

Thanksgiving Day arrived. Cynthia attended the Macy’s Day parade in New York with some of her charity chums, and I helped Claire and Lillian in the kitchen while the boys set the table and kept the dishes washed.

Every one of my favorite spices and herbs permeated the air. Laughter was the background music to the busy atmosphere. Lillian noticed a difference in me right away and wanted to discuss my training. She took a keen interest in it, wishing she had thought of it as well.

Bex set the turkey on the table and sat beside his mother. Claire grabbed one of my hands. Jared took the other.

“Our Lord in Heaven,” Lillian began, “thank you for our many blessings: the wonderful food on the table, the health and safety of our family, and that we are all sitting together on this day of thanks.”

“Amen,” Jared said, nodding.

“Aye Men!” Bex said, digging into the various dishes on the table.

Partway through dinner, I noticed Claire was quiet, thoughtfully chewing and smiling at the appropriate times in conversation. Jared of course noticed when I did, and he watched his sister.

“Claire?”

She met his eyes but didn’t speak.

Lillian smiled. “She’s fine. Let her be.”

“This is good, ladies,” Bex said, his mouth full of food.

“Thank you, son,” Lillian said. “Jared? Would it be a good time to ask how much longer you’ll be engaged?”

“No,” Jared said, shaking his head with a smile. “I just got her to agree to set a date, Mom. Don’t ruin my hard work.”

I laughed. “She has a point.”

“She does?” Jared said, surprised.

I patted his knee. “My parents’ anniversary is on a Saturday this year.”

Lillian’s eyes brightened. “Oh, it is! How wonderful! June first, then?”

Jared turned to me, cautious. “June first?”

“It’s an easy date to remember,” I shrugged.

“Of this year?” Jared asked, cautiously hopeful.

Lillian and I shared the same boisterous laugh. “Yes, honey. Seven months from now.”

The smile that crept across Jared’s face was slow, but it spanned from one side to the other. “June first.”

The conversation was monopolized by wedding plans after that, and the afternoon was filled with excitement and anticipation.

We said our good-byes with kisses and hugs to Bex, Claire, and Lillian, and then Jared led me to the Escalade by the hand. Once inside, he leaned over the console, took my face gingerly in his hands, and pressed his lips against mine.

When he finally pulled away, I felt a bit dizzy. A small twinge of guilt settled in. It was so easy to make him happy, and I had grossly procrastinated something so simple.

Jared drove slowly to the house, brushing my hand with his thumb as he held it. A storm had rolled in, and it fed into the new energy that almost crackled in the air between us, as if he couldn’t wait to get home. He intertwined his fingers in mine, kissing each of my fingers. “I feel as if you said yes all over again.”

“I told you I would set a date.”

“You did,” he said. His mouth widened to a broad grin. “Man! I feel like I want to stand on a rooftop and scream! This is one of the best days of my life!”

I giggled, nearly manic from Jared’s mood. Just as the moment peaked, it fizzled.

“What are you doing?” I said. He slowed the Escalade to a stop. “You’re not really going climb onto a rooftop, are you?”

“No,” he said, his smile fading fast. “I spoke too soon.”

It was then that I noticed the blue and red lights dancing all around us. “We’re being pulled over? But you weren’t speeding.”

“That’s not what he wants.”

I grabbed Jared’s hand, seeing the dark silhouette of the police officer. The windshield wipers knocked back and forth as we waited for his approach. He knocked on Jared’s window with the butt of his flashlight.

“Officer,” Jared said, pressing the button for the window. The dark glass buzzed as it lowered and then disappeared, revealing a face I had longed to see again.

“Ryan!” I yelped. My mouth fell open in utter shock.

“Good evening, Nina. I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to step out of the vehicle.”

“Don’t be an ass. It’s raining,” Jared said.

Ryan nodded. “Just accompany me to the cruiser, ma’am,” he said, sounding very professional and detached.

I nodded, looking to Jared. “It’s okay. I’ll be right back.” I kissed him and then scrambled to open the door. I tried to be calm to preserve Jared’s feelings, but Ryan was just a few feet away. I had been so desperate to see him and had waited so long any false composure at that moment was impossible.

“Nina,” Jared called after me, but the tires sloshing through the wet pavement as cars passed by drowned out the following words.

It was wrong, but in my haste to speak to Ryan again, I ignored Jared and ran to the cruiser at full speed, paying no attention to the rain.

The air was biting, and the rain instantly dampened my clothes. I yanked open the passenger-side door, assuming it would be as cozy as the Escalade.

It wasn’t.

“Cheese and rice!” I said, crossing my arms and bending at the waist. “You could hang meat in here!”

“Sorry,” Ryan said, turning up the heat. “I keep it cool so I can wear my coat. Can’t really waste time putting it on before I make a stop.”

I laughed once. “A cop?”

“Yeah.” He smiled and looked down. “Yeah.”

“I guess this means you’re not coming back to Brown.”

“Looks that way,” he said without humor.

He was thicker than I remembered, but his face was thin. Lean was probably a better word. A hardened expression replaced his sweet smile. He appeared older; a long, weary line of disappointment and horrendous experiences no man should ever have to encounter reflected in his once-bright green eyes.

By his hesitation alone, I could tell the effort to pull me over wasn’t due to the anticipation of a happy reunion.

“You stopped writing.”

“I did,” he admitted. “I used to sit on a dune and watch the sun set, thinking about you, writing half of what I wanted. That was my nightly routine for a long time.”

“My postman has some explaining to do.”

“I only sent a few of them. I was in love with you for a long time, Nina.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat. It was pointless to apologize after what I had done to him, but the words fell out of my mouth.

“Why? I’m not the first guy to go to war after my heart got broken. Half of my buddies wrote home to girls who didn’t love them back. Some of them had girls who quit waiting. I was one of the lucky ones, even though your smile haunted me for a long time.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I said, wrinkling my nose.

“No,” he said, matter-of-factly. “After leaving, going halfway across the world, I still missed you. I didn’t think it would ever go away, but something changed, Nina.”

“Oh?”

Ryan smiled. “I quit loving you.”

I nodded, my feelings conflicted. A small part of me was hurt and maybe a bit jealous that he had finally gotten over me. The rest of me was overjoyed. “That’s good, I guess?”

“No, that’s wrong. I still love you. I will always love you as my friend, but I’m in love with someone else.”

A grin streaked across my face for a fleeting moment. “That’s exciting. Do I know her?”

“Actually, I think you do. And I need your help.”

“Anything. I sort of owe you, don’t I?”

Ryan sighed, nodding. “That’s where I was going with this.” He paused for a moment. “You ever get the feeling you’re never alone, I mean, even when you are?”

His words spoke to every moment of my life, but I remained quiet.

Ryan ignored my silence. “Do you remember the night Jared came into the bar? And the last night we were together?”

My heart began to pound. I didn’t know what direction the conversation had taken, but I felt instantly uncomfortable. “What about it?”

“I remember three things about both of those nights: Jared’s sister, how strong she was, and those crazy blue eyes. Everyone else says I’m crazy, Nina, but, you, I know you’ll understand.”

“Don’t be so sure,” I said, feigning bewilderment.

Ryan huffed, frustrated. “The night in your father’s office, you said I couldn’t tell anyone about our plan because Jared would find out. I thought he was in the FBI or something, but it’s bigger than that, isn’t it?”

I touched his arm. “You’re seeing someone professional, right? About what happened to you over there?” The words had to be said to protect those I loved, but the guilt was overwhelming. Ryan didn’t deserve that from me—he had come to me because he trusted me to believe him. If the consequences were different, I would have been the friend he’d always been to me, but my choice was clear.

He paused. Anger made the skin around his eye twitch. “What makes you think anything happened to me over there?”

“I uh . . .” I swallowed. “I really should be going,” I said, reaching for the door handle.

Ryan grabbed my arm. “I saw her eyes. The day she saved my life, I saw her. No one has eyes like she does, and no woman that size could have carried me out of there. Tell me where Claire is, Nina.”

My door flew open, and Jared pulled me to my feet. Ryan scrambled out of his cruiser, desperate. “I just want to talk to her,” he yelled over the rain. “I don’t need to know how she did it. I just need to see her again.”

Jared glanced at me and then back to Ryan. “Unless you’re charging us with something, we’re leaving. Good to see you again, Ryan.”

“I’m not crazy!” Ryan said, desperately. The rain was more of a downpour, but he was unfazed.

My steps were small and quick, trying to keep up with Jared as he led me by the arm to the Escalade. Once inside, I turned around, holding the seat with both hands as I watched the standoff between the two men I loved in such opposite ways. Ryan, in his puffy, standard-issue policeman’s coat simply watched Jared glower at him. It was a new side of him, and I half-expected a nasty exchange of words.

Jared slammed the car door behind him before shoving the shifter into gear. The speedometer passed the point of speeding before we were out of Ryan’s radar range, as if Jared dared him to stop us again.

“Okay. Jared? Jared!” I said, fumbling with my seat belt.

“He knows.”

“It certainly seems that way,” I said, bracing myself as Jared weaved through the traffic. “Claire will lay low for a while as you said to. It will be fine.”

“You heard him, Nina. He’s been holding onto this for months. He’s not going to let it go.”

“Okay, so we figure it out. It’s not the worst thing that could happen right now. You told me, and the world didn’t come to an end.”

“Yours did.”

I winced. Jared feeling that way had never occurred to me. “That’s not true,” I said, shaking my head. I rested my hand on his. “Everything before that night was make-believe. This is what’s real.”

Jared pulled into the drive of my parents’ home and then waited for the garage door to open. “You don’t work for the police department, Nina, the same one that Claire meticulously picked off a year ago.”

“He just wants to know why he saw her in the desert, Jared. It has nothing to do with Graham.”

Jared closed his eyes, exasperated. “Maybe not to Ryan, but for someone who can’t pass his psych evaluation and is still in physical therapy, he was accepted into the Providence PD without a hitch. It wouldn’t be hard for someone to connect Ryan to you, and anyone who could pose a problem knows you are a direct connection to me, Claire, and Graham. This is not an innocent oops, Nina. This is a potential threat.”

“Everything is a potential threat to you people,” I grumbled.

“You people? Since when are we not on the same side?” Jared said, taken aback. He shook his head and then headed to the house without waiting.

I followed in silence, cursing myself. An hour before, we had set the date of our wedding. Now I was getting the cold shoulder.

Bex sat the top of the stairs, cleaning his fingernails with a large knife, nodding to us as we passed. He was less of the boy I knew and more like his older sister. Even Lillian’s unparalleled goodness couldn’t prevent Bex from losing his innocence.

Jared rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll, er, I’ll see you in the morning. I’ve got some things to do.”

“You’re going to find Claire?”

“We need to talk.”

“Okay,” I nodded, wrapping my arms around him. He shifted, uncomfortable in my arms. “I didn’t mean it. I suppose I’m just surprised at your reaction. He’s not in love with me anymore. I thought you’d be relieved.”

I gripped his t-shirt in my fists, bracing for him to pull away. Instead, he paused in thought, considering my words. “That means Ryan being Claire’s taleh means something else, and we don’t know what that is.”

I sighed, irritated at his negativity. “Maybe it just means that they are supposed to be together. Like us.”

Several emotions scrolled across Jared’s face, finally settling on a mixture of relief and delight. He tightened his arms around my back. “You think so?”

“What other explanation is there?”

A wide grin spread across Jared’s face. “It doesn’t matter. I like that one.”

12. The One

“No way.”

“Way.”

“A cop?” Beth said, her voice an octave higher.

“One of Providence’s finest,” I replied.

She took a sip of coffee and then shook her head. “I don’t believe it. Chad hasn’t said a word.”

“Ryan hasn’t told anyone.”

“He told you.”

My eyebrows shot up. An explanation consisting of Claire, explosions, and the ice blue eyes in Ryan’s memory would take the conversation to an unfavorable end, so I kept it simple. “Touché.”

The bell above the coffee ship door chimed, and we both looked up, waiting for Kim.

“Where is she?” Beth asked, disappointed.

“Late.” I knew she was with Jared, but I couldn’t exactly share that with Beth. She was the last bit of normal I had left, and I wasn’t going to share her with the crazy part of my life—even if that meant lying.

“Was Jared just pissed beyond belief?”

“Um, kind of, I guess, but not about that.”

“What about, then?”

“That he pulled us over for no reason, I suppose.” I lied again. For a moment, I silently counted how many non-truths I had told her in the span of just a few minutes and wondered how many more I would have to tell. Beth was my best friend, but it was for her own good. If there was a lesson to be learned in the chaos of my life, ignorance was bliss.

Beth and I chatted about upcoming papers to write, meetings at work, the upcoming Christmas party that Sasha had been obsessing over, and, of course, Ryan.

“We’d better get going,” Beth said, glancing at her watch.

“The wind is terrible today,” I said, pulling on my coat, hat, and scarf. The snow was falling in large chunks, and the street had already turned into a grey, slushy mess.

“I know it sucks,” Beth said. “Fall is non-existent here.”

“Oh. Right. You don’t get much snow in Oklahoma, do you?”

Beth laughed once in disbelief. “Yes, we get snow, sometimes a foot or so. It’s just on top of an inch of ice.”

“But . . . it’s a southern state.”

“So?” Beth said, waiting for more crazy to come out of my mouth.

“Never mind.”

We walked to the Beemer together, trying to navigate the patches of snow that hadn’t been cleared.

“Hi,” a deep voice said, greeting us.

“Ryan!” Beth said, throwing her arms around our friend.

He was in plain clothes, leaning against my car nonchalantly. He didn’t seem nervous or out of place at all, until Beth smacked him, hard, on the back of the head.

“Hey!” Ryan said, defending his head with his hands from another blow.

“What is wrong with you? Taking off on all of us like that, going off to war, and not letting us know you’re okay or that you’re back in town? We’ve all been worried sick! Chad is gonna be pissed!

“Okay, okay!” Ryan said, bracing for another assault. “I’m sorry.”

Beth relaxed. “If you haven’t called him by the time I get home tonight, I’m telling him. And you are so going to get it.”

“I’ll call him. I’ll call everyone. I’ve just been kinda . . . I don’t know what to say.”

“Say, ‘I’m home.’” Beth crossed her arms, unimpressed with his wounded expression.

“Take it easy, Beth,” I said. “He just needed to come back on his own terms.”

“Exactly.” Ryan nodded, thankful for my explanation. “I came to ask you to dinner. We have some talking to do.”

“O-Okay,” I said, surprised.

“Jared’s not going to like that,” Beth lilted.

“Where do I pick you up? Jared’s place?”

“It sort of burned down,” I said, shifting.

Ryan didn’t flinch. “Okay, so where, then?”

“We’re at Cynthia’s for now.”

Ryan’s eyes were always the windows to his thoughts. That was one thing that his experiences hadn’t taken away from him. He was planning something.

“Seven o’clock?” he asked.

“How about I meet you there?”

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Wherever you want to eat.”

“I haven’t decided yet. I’ll just pick you up.”

I sighed in frustration. “See you at seven, then.”

Ryan walked away like a robot accepting a command. He offered no smile or any other expression, too preoccupied with his next move.

“That was weird,” Beth said, pulling on the handle. “Open up, already, it’s freaking freezing!”

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” I said, rolling my eyes and clicking the keyless entry.

Throughout the day, I waited for Jared’s call. He hadn’t come home that morning, passing on the message via Bex that he and Kim were in Woonsocket, just south of the Massachusetts’ line. Bex assured me that it was to speak with the priests of St. Anne’s and that he wouldn’t be engaging the enemy.

At lunch, I called Bex. “Why hasn’t he called?”

“He’ll call,” Bex said, bored.

“Why did Kim go if they’re just going to a church?”

“It’s just a guess, but maybe she knows the contact their questioning.”

I blew my bangs from my face, frustrated. “You two are being very secretive these days.”

Bex sighed. “Go be a co-ed, Nina. I’ll talk to you later when you call to ask if Jared’s called again.”

I looked to Beth. “That little . . . He hung up on me.”

“He’s a teenager. You remember being a teenager?”

“Vaguely.”

“He’s got all these feelings and emotions, and didn’t you say he was home-schooled?”

“Yeah, but he’s only thirteen. He’s barely a teenager.”

Beth stared at me. “You’re joking, right?”

“No, why?”

“There is no way that kid is thirteen! He’s a mammoth! He looks at least sixteen!”

“Nope. It runs in the family.”

“You’re going to give birth to a toddler. Think about that,” Beth said, giggling to herself.

“We’re not . . .” I waited, hoping Beth wouldn’t take it further. Any such hopes were lost when her eyes widened.

“You’re not what? Going to have kids?”

I shrugged, trying to play it off. “We haven’t really talked about it, but it’s not something either of us would die to experience. I’m an only child. Babies—kids—really aren’t my thing.”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with that. I just didn’t know you felt that way. I bet Jared would be an amazing father.”

“He would be.” I nodded. Her words stung me, something I hadn’t expected.

The afternoon was long. Bex hadn’t called with news of Jared, and the wait was making me grumpy. Jared always called, unless he was in trouble, and because he knew that I knew that, he should call, a lot.

After my last class, my feet couldn’t move fast enough to the Beemer. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed, the same time searching my purse for keys.

“He hasn’t called,” Bex answered.

“Something’s wrong. Have you talked to Claire?”

“Yes. Nothing’s wrong; he’s just busy.”

“Then he would have called!” I said. Just as I slammed the phone shut, the Beemer and Bex came into view.

“Get in. We’re going to Woonsocket.”

Bex laughed without humor. “No, we’re not. Jared said to take you to Titan and then home. We’re to wait for him there.”

“Well, I don’t work for Jared, nor am I trying to earn the big-brother approval, so get in the car or move.”

Bex did neither. “I have orders, Nina.”

He wasn’t as easy to persuade as Jared, because he wasn’t worried about making me angry. I had to try a different approach. He might look like a man, but he was still a thirteen-year-old boy.

“Bex Gabriel Ryel, if you move a finger to keep me here, so help me, I will call your mother and tell her you used your hybrid-ness to restrain me against my will!”

His stoic expression wavered as he considered the consequences. “Fine,” he said, his entire body relaxing. “Get in the car. I’ll drive.”

I pushed up on the balls of my feet to kiss his cheek. “Thanks, Bexster!”

His face screwed into disgust as he wiped the place where my lips touched his cheek. “Yuck!”

With Bex driving his typical speed, the trip took less than twenty minutes. He sat in silence, pouting and no doubt planning the excuses he would offer Jared.

When we arrived, I gasped at my surroundings. St. Anne’s was a work of art, looming with both authority and elegance over the quiet town. As beautiful as the outside was, the interior was breathtaking.

Meticulously detailed murals of angels and saints adorned the walls and ceilings, with a larger one as the focal point. The painting was of Jesus, his arms outstretched, surrounded in light, and rows of angels, who basked in his glory. The entire room was inspirational, and a strange feeling came over me as I walked down the center aisle.

Row after row of wooden pews bordered our way to the altar anchored at front of the church, where Jared and Kim stood with a priest.

Jared’s expression wasn’t surprised or confused. He glanced once in my direction and then continued his conversation. Jared’s clear disregard only served to exacerbate my growing impatience with him.

“Excuse me, Father,” I said, interrupting him. I pulled Jared a few steps away, purposefully glaring at Kim as I did so.

“I can’t do this right now, Nina. I’m working.”

“I thought I was your job? You know it worries me to death when you don’t call. Do you do it on purpose?”

“Nina, calm down.”

“I couldn’t concentrate in my classes and checked my phone every five seconds, hoping you would at least send a one word text—something! It would take just a moment of your time to set my mind at ease. You spend half of your life incessantly protecting me from everything and the other making me crazy!”

“Child—” the priest began. His words had a hidden accent behind them, possibly British, diluted by years of service in America. His plea was cut short when the hundreds of candles glowing around us were extinguished in succession, from one side of the stage to the other.

The priest watched me warily. “What is she?” he said, taking a step back.

Jared took my hand. “This is she, Father Francis. She is the one.”

The priest held his trembling hands to his mouth and then reached out to me. He grabbed my free hand with both of his and held it tightly. “The Mother,” he whispered, his eyes scanning my face with adoration.

Bex lifted his chin. His eyes closed, but not before his lashes flickered as his eyes rolled back into his head. He took a deep breath, as if he were feeling the air around us, reaching with invisible tentacles to a different plane. “Jared,” he whispered.

A loud repetitious banging echoed throughout the cathedral, and Father Francis dropped my hand, rushing to the large doors of the entrance.

“You should stop him,” Kim said to Jared.

“Father, wait,” Jared called. He grabbed my hand, following quickly behind the priest.

The banging persisted, so loudly that I released Jared’s hand to cover my ears. The large doors vibrated with each blow.

“Make it stop,” I said, closing my eyes.

Kim and Bex were at my side, and Kim touched my shoulder before taking a few steps forward.

The banging grew louder, and the door threatened to give way to the hammering from outside.

“Make it stop!” I yelled over the noise.

“Father,” Kim said, gently moving him to the side. She reached out with both hands, laying her palms flat against each door.

I grabbed Jared’s arm, and then a quiet settled upon us, seeming more ominous than the banging.

Father Francis pushed open the doors, and we all stood in horror at the sight before us.

“Lord in Heaven,” Father Francis said, making a quick sign of the cross.

“They . . .” I began, unable to finish.

“Crows. Nice touch,” Kim said.

Hundreds of lifeless, black birds littered the steps and sidewalk. The doors were covered in bloody splotches, dotting every place the crows had crashed into head first.

“Mommy!” A small girl screamed. She pointed as her mother rushed her by the hand to their parked car across the street.

Pedestrians stopped and stared at the unbelievable sight, pointing to the church and to the small horrified group hovering in the doorway.

“Let us get inside,” Father Francis said, shooing us backward into the church. He pulled the doors shut, shaking his head. “This was a warning. They know what she is, and they are not happy she’s here.”

“Merovingian?” I said, a sudden feeling of desperation evident in my voice.

The priest’s face twisted in disgust. “Merovingian. Bah,” he grunted, shaking his head. “Nephilim,” he said, his voice returning to its soft tone. He touched each side of my face gently. His skin was tired and wilted, making it nearly impossible to see the kindness in his eyes, but it was there.

“Tell me,” I said, a weak smile grazing my lips.

“You are the woman clothed with the sun,” Father Francis said, in awe.

I looked to Jared. His expression was pained, but he offered no explanation.

“What?” I shook my head. “Pardon me, Father, but what the hell does that mean?”

He took my hand and gestured for me to sit in the nearest pew. He sat with me, my hand in both of his. Kim, Bex, and Jared all took a seat as well, scattered around us.

“In Revelations, the Bible speaks of a woman clothed in the sun, with the moon at her feet, and she is with child in arduous times. She brings forth a man child who is to rule all nations. It speaks of the Holy Mother.”

“Okay, but what does that have to do with me?” I said, frustrated and confused.

“A woman of the same description is also the center of a prophecy of the Naissance de Demoniac. The main prophecy speaks of a woman clothed in the sun with the moon at her feet and the crown of ten stars on her head—a daughter of the Nephilim. She brings forth a son of God.”

“I know. The child disturbs the balance, blah, blah, blah.” I looked to Jared. “You had to come to Woonsocket to hear something we already know?”

Jared leaned his elbows onto the ridge of the pew, touching my hair with his thumb. “Father Francis is a scholar. He has studied the writings of the Naissance de Demoniac. I came here to ask for help.”

“If he knows what it says, we don’t need the book,” I said, excited. “Can’t you just tell us what we need to know?”

Father Francis squeezed my hand. “These prophecies are not in the stars or in the dreams of old men. Our world is a story that has already been written. The human-born angel will disturb the delicate balance of Heaven and Hell. It will be a new angel, not created in the dawn of time as all the others.” He smiled, but it didn’t give me peace the way he had surely meant for it to. “Demons fear the unknown as humans do—possibly even more so because of the limited truth they do not know.”

“So we can’t stop it,” I said.

“But that won’t stop Hell from trying,” the priest said, his voice grave.

“I can’t stay here. I have to go,” I said, jumping to my feet. I ran out the front door, stopping when I felt the carcasses of birds under my feet. My hands flew to my eyes, overwhelmed.

“It’s okay,” Jared whispered in my ear, sweeping me into his arms. He carried me across the street and then carefully set me in the passenger seat of the Beemer. His warm hand brushed the bangs from my face. “Get her home, Bex.”

Bex nodded, turned the ignition, and slammed the shifter into gear. It took us half the drive time to reach Cynthia’s than it took to get to St. Anne’s.

Bex parked in the garage and helped me up the stairs to my room. His normally playful, innocent eyes offered sympathy and concern well beyond his years.

“We’ll figure this out, Nina. We’re not going to let anything happen to you. You know that.”

“I don’t want anything to happen to you,” I said softly. I patted his shoulder and then walked into the bathroom, removing my clothes slowly and feeling numb.

The steam floated up from behind the shower curtain and spilled over, filling the room with thick hazy warmth in minutes. I stood under the water, as hot as I could stand it, and tried to remember what Eli had said about being strong. Crying for my normal life was futile. Frivolous emotion would help nothing. Still, a heavy, portentous feeling settled over my entire body, weighing me down so much that the tile below my feet seemed to dig into my skin.

The more we learned, the worse it was. Preventing the prophecy was useless, and even if we succeeded, Hell wouldn’t allow the possibility.

The shower knobs complained when I turned them off, strangling the pipes. I towel-dried my hair and then wrapped my robe around me. When I pushed the door open, a ghostly cloud of steam followed me as I walked across my bedroom floor.

I sat at my vanity, raking a comb through my damp, messy hair. The sea of black birds at the church haunted my thoughts, and the crunching sound their bodies made as Jared carried me across the street replayed over and over in my mind.

“Don’t forget about dinner with Ryan tonight,” Bex said.

“He won’t be here until seven,” I said, glancing at the clock. I still had an hour left.

The main entrance door slammed in the lower level, and I heard not one but two pairs of light footsteps ascending the stairs.

Jared stopped in the doorway of my bedroom. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I said. I kept my back to him, but met his eyes in the mirror.

Claire appeared beside him. “I heard.”

The overly ceremonious doorbell chimed throughout the house. Moments later, Agatha joined Jared and Claire in the doorway of my room. “It’s a gentleman, love. A Mr. Scott to see you.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s early.” I stood, tightening the belt of my robe and then stormed through the path Claire and Jared made for me as they pressed their backs to the wall.

My bare feet tapped against the stairs as I quickly made my way to the spot where Ryan stood.

“You’re early,” I said, crossing my arms.

Ryan smiled, his eyes scanning every corner of the room. “I’m sorry. I’ll wait.”

“Agatha?” I called. When she didn’t answer, I gestured for Ryan to follow me. “I’ll show you to the great room.” Too late I remembered we had rearranged the furniture for our sparring matches.

“Redecorating?” Ryan asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Something like that,” I said. “I’ll just be a minute.”

Ryan nodded, and I jogged up the stairs. Jared and his siblings stood in the center of my room when I returned, seeming nervous and out of place.

“It’s just Ryan,” I said. Once the words came out of my mouth, Claire’s eyes widened, and she shoved me aside, pushing my bedroom door shut.

Her finger touched her lips, and she waited, keeping her hand against the door.

“Nina?” Ryan called, knocking twice.

“Yes?” I said, shrugging to Claire.

“I couldn’t help but notice the Lotus Exige you have parked out front. New car?”

Claire’s eyes squeezed shut, and then she looked at me again, shaking her head.

“Er, no, I believe my mother has company this evening. I’ll meet you downstairs, okay?”

It was silent for a few moments, but then Ryan knocked on the door again.

“Yes?” I said, unable to hide the irritation in my voice. I glanced back at Jared, hoping he would give a sign as to what I should do.

“Isn’t that the same car Claire drove the night we first saw her at the pub?”

When Jared held out his arms and shrugged, I sighed. “I can’t remember, Ryan. Do you want me to get ready or not?”

“The thing is,” he said, his voice just on the other side of the door, “I ran the plates, and it’s registered to Claire Ryel.”

For the first time, Claire looked nervous. She rubbed the back of her neck the way her brother rubbed his when things between us were tense. It struck me as funny, and a smile forced its way to the surface.

“It’s not funny!” Claire mouthed silently. When I covered my mouth with my hand, a smile crept across her face as well.

“Uh,” I said, turning once again to Jared. He rolled his eyes, gesturing for us to somehow fix the mess we’d made. “She was here. She was here earlier helping me, er, pick out a dress.”

“So she walked home?” Ryan said from the hall.

“No. No, she didn’t,” I said, stalling.

Claire desperately pointed at Jared.

“Jared took her home!” I said.

Ryan puffed. “Okay, but the Escalade is parked behind the Lotus.”

“Shit!” I whispered, interlocking my fingers on top of my head. “He . . . took her home on his motorcycle.”

Claire gave me a thumb’s up, and I relaxed a bit, hoping Ryan would accept my story.

“Nina,” Ryan said. “Could I talk to Claire for a minute? Just . . . Just for one minute.” The door handle moved, and Claire’s hand instantly gripped around it, refusing to let it budge a millimeter more.

“She’s not here, Ryan. I told you.”

“Then open the door.”

“I’m not dressed.”

“I’ve seen you that way before.”

Jared frowned and I laughed once. “It’s different now.”

“Claire?” Ryan said. “Can I talk to you? Please? I won’t take up much of your time, I swear. I just need to, uh . . . Wow,” he chuckled, “I feel really stupid right now.”

I cringed, knowing I would have to be mean to him. “You should, since she’s not here,” I said.

“Claire, please?” he asked.

Claire leaned her forehead silently against the door. She bit her lip and sighed. “Go away, Ryan.”

“Claire?” Ryan said, his voice excited. “Please open the door.”

“Nina told me what you said. It’s sweet, but,” she cringed, “you’re crazy.”

“I know what I saw,” Ryan said, his tone notably less enthusiastic than before. “I know you were there.”

“Right. I was in Afghanistan or wherever, sniping Al Qaeda and carrying you over my back for miles. Sounds like me,” she snapped.

“I just want to see you,” Ryan said. “I need to see you to be sure.”

Jared shook his head, and Claire’s expression grew impatient. “Beat it, Ryan,” she said.

After a short pause, Ryan hit the door with the side of his fist. “I’m not leaving until I see you!”

“What are you going to do?” Claire yelled, taking a step away from the door. “Wave your shiny badge around and impress us to death?”

“Open the door!” Ryan demanded.

“No!” Claire said.

“Fine!” he replied. “But I’m not giving up on you.”

He stomped down the stairs and slammed the door.

13. Lesson

“I need the keys to your bike,” Claire said, holding out her hand to Bex.

He frowned. “Why?”

“Because I have to follow him, and he knows my freaking car! Give me your keys!” she said, jerking her hand toward Bex, impatiently.

In one swift movement, Bex handed his motorcycle keys to his big little sister. She wheeled around, sprinting down the stairs.

“Don’t forget the helmet,” he called after her.

“Shove it!” she yelled before slamming the door.

I walked to my vanity, sitting hard onto the delicate pink cushion of the bench. “This is bad.”

Jared took slow steps to stand beside me. “Ryan is the least of our worries.”

“That makes me feel much better,” I said.

Bex left us alone to sit on the stairs, and Jared pulled me from the bench to sit beside him on the bed. He didn’t speak for a long time, lightly brushing the skin of my arm from wrist to elbow with his fingertips.

“Do you understand what could happen?” he said softly, his eyes still focused on my arm.

After a short pause, I took a breath. “Yes.”

He meant my death. Dying at the hands of the most inhumane, cruel beings on three planes wasn’t peaceful—I’d planned to die in my sleep—but it was an end. I wondered what would take place in that moment and what ways Jared would suffer in the days following my death.

His eyes were dark, the skin around them tight but tired. The helpless feeling surrounding us was suffocating.

“I know what Father Francis said,” Jared said, his voice breaking, “but I can’t believe that. I have to see the book for myself to be sure. There has to be a reason our fathers wanted it so badly. Gabe must have known there was a way to stop it.

“Stay with me,” I said.

“I can’t.”

“Just for a while. Just until I fall asleep?”

Jared met my eyes, and I could see that he would let me win.

We lay together above the sheets, silent and thoughtful. I imagined Jared was carefully plotting a way around Donovan and Isaac in his mind, praying for a conclusion. Shax had stayed one step ahead of Jared—even Kim, his secret weapon—and he was frustrated.

Jared’s arms tensed. Bex’s light footsteps rushed down the stairs and the front door opened. After a few moments, another set, heavier than the first, returned with him. Kim appeared in the doorway, out of breath and wide-eyed.

Jared sprung from the bed, pulling on his jacket. “Stay with her, Bex.”

“I should go,” Bex said.

Knowing they were going to try to capture the book, I jumped from the bed, pulling on a pair of sneakers. “He should go. I’ll go too, and if anything happens, Bex can help.”

Jared frowned while he made his decision. “Nina . . .”

“We don’t have time for a lecture,” I said. “You know you have a better chance if Bex is there.”

He nodded, clearly conflicted. “Let’s go.”

The streets were filthy, lined with mounds of dirty snow. The Escalade flew at three times the speed limit, racing against the moment Shax realized we’d found him.

Jared slammed on the brakes in front of an old apartment building on the outskirts of town, and he and Kim rushed in. Bex was stoic, waiting patiently for a signal. My knees bounced nervously as I bit at my thumbnail.

“Here,” Bex said, pulling a handgun from the back of his pants. “If I go in, keep this with you. The safety’s on, so—”

“Take it off before I fire, I know.”

Bex smiled. “You’ll be fine. Just don’t go in.”

The waiting was excruciating. The night was too quiet, the building too dark. I had expected immediate flashes of gunfire and for Jared and Kim to run out, with snarling, misshapen beasts in pursuit.

Bex picked at his nails, seeming bored but patient. I checked my handgun again, making sure it was loaded and ready.

“We really need Claire here. We have to figure out how to get the three of us in the same room with Shax and keep you protected at the same time.”

“You’re just itching to get one in on him, aren’t you?” I smirked.

“On Shax?” Bex said. “Jared’s fought a hundred of ’em. They react to me the same way they do Kim. They won’t come near me. It’s irritating.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, but it better not be because of my age or anything like that. I’m ready,” he sniffed.

“You are,” I said, my voice absent of sarcasm.

Bex turned to me with a small smile, reminding me of his innocence. “Yeah?”

“Absolutely. How much time have we spent together, with Jared nowhere in sight? I’m the hardest taleh case there is—dirty cops and demons after me day and night—and I don’t have a scratch. Maybe they stay away because they’re scared?”

Bex nodded, satisfied. “Yeah. Probably so.”

Suddenly, Jared and Kim appeared, walking slowly from the back of the building.

“No go?” Bex asked as Jared slammed his body into the driver’s seat.

“They were already gone,” he seethed, his jaw muscles fluttering under his skin.

“Shax is playing games with us,” Kim said. “Otherwise, he’d move it out of town or out of the country. He wants you to doubt your judgment, and he’s using me to bait you, to wear you out.”

“There has to be another way,” Jared said, slamming the shifter into gear. “We’re making the same mistakes.”

“Are they all the same?” I asked.

Jared, Kim, and Bex turned in my direction.

“The books. Are they all the same? You said there were others. Is there another one we can get to? One that belongs to a demon that doesn’t know we’re coming?”

Jared and Kim traded glances.

“It’s not a bad idea,” Kim said.

“Waste of time,” Bex replied.

“Nigh, Shax’s book is the only one that we know of that has been brought to this plane. The others . . . We’d have to go to Hell to get,” Kim explained.

“So that’s out,” I said.

“Unless,” Bex began.

“No,” Jared said, cutting him off.

“Unless what?” I said, touching Bex’s arm.

“We could talk someone with access into getting one.”

Jared sighed. “No one is going to do that, Bex. It would start a war.”

“Samuel would.” A small amused smile touched Bex’s face.

“Enough,” Jared said, pulling into Cynthia’s driveway.

We all stood in the driveway, tired and looking a little lost.

Kim stretched and then patted my backside. “See you in class tomorrow.”

I shook my head in disbelief. She was so unaffected by it all. Kim ducked into her Sentra and slowly pulled away, more than likely heading to her dorm room at Brown.

The headlight of Bex’s motorcycle shuttered as Claire pulled into the drive. She was noticeably upset.

“What is it?” I asked, watching her place the bike on its kickstand.

She fidgeted and then put her hands on her hips, looking down to her boots. Her long bangs fell into her eyes as she procrastinated. “I missed one.”

“Who?” Jared said.

“Kit Anderson.”

“That will be a problem,” Jared replied.

I frowned. “Who’s Kit Anderson?”

“Ryan’s partner,” Claire said, combing her hair back with her fingers, frustrated.

“You sure?” Bex asked, surprised.

“Ryan went to his house tonight,” Claire said. “Donovan called while he was there. Anderson was only on the phone for a moment, but it was Donovan.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

They all craned their necks at me.

Claire made a face. “What do you think, Nina? I’ve got to get rid of him.”

My mouth fell open. “But it’s Ryan’s partner. He just lost his whole unit. You’re going to kill his partner?”

“Better than you,” Bex said, climbing onto his bike.

“Where are you going?” Jared said.

“Home. I need to check on Mom and make some calls.”

Jared nodded and then looked at me. “Let’s get you inside. You’re cold.”

I looked down at my ensemble: a coat over my robe and tennis shoes. I’d been in such a hurry to ride along I’d barely dressed. “Okay,” I said, following him inside. Jared had told me over a year ago that he could sense my feelings, but I would never get used to him noticing them before I did.

In my bedroom, I kicked off my sneakers and peeled off my coat, falling into the bed. Jared crawled into bed beside me, outlining my body with his. Jared’s warmth was like being submerged in light; being so close to him was unlike any calm I’d ever felt in my life—even as a girl, when Jack was alive. Jared’s presence causing the nightmares was the worst punishment of all.

Jared sensed my unease, and he pulled me closer. “Stop thinking,” he whispered in my ear. His soft lips grazed the gentle fold of my ear as he spoke, and I nuzzled closer to him, hoping Gabe would let him stay just one night.

Sleep came quickly, despite the excitement of chasing after Shax and my discontent.

It felt as if the moment I closed my eyes I was awake, covered in sweat and screaming for my father. Jared held me, this time silently. There was nothing left to say that hadn’t been said already. Reassuring me that it was just a bad dream was pointless.

“Coffee?” he said.

“No,” I said, pulling on his shirt. “Don’t leave me. Just stay,” I said between breaths.

He kissed my forehead, whispering sweet comfort in French in my ear. I didn’t know what the words meant, but it was so soft and soothing, I was relaxed against his chest in moments.

I took in a deep breath, inhaling his incredible scent. A tingling traveled the length of my body, and I extended my neck to kiss the lobe of his ear.

“Nina,” he warned.

“I miss you,” I said, kissing tiny sections of his skin until I reached his lips.

“It’s not a good time for us to—” he began, but I kissed him, cutting off yet another lecture.

“I don’t care,” I said, tears filling my eyes. “I need to forget, just for a little while. Help me forget.”

Jared looked deep into my eyes, weighing a decision, no doubt. I leaned against his mouth once more, and this time he returned my kiss, cautiously giving in. His soft full lips worked against mine, but not in the way I wanted. I could still feel a wall between us.

I pulled his t-shirt over his head, but when I tugged at the belt of my robe, he gently held my wrist. “Sweetheart . . .”

The frustration and fear finally boiled over, and I fell into his chest. Tears pooled between his chest and my cheeks.

Jared gently cupped my shoulders and held me away, looking into my eyes. “Don’t cry,” he said with a frown. “Please don’t . . .” He trailed off, sighing at the messy sight of me.

“I can’t stand this.” I shook my head. “I can’t stand this, anymore. If I can’t be with the man I love . . . What is the point in being alive if I can’t live?”

Jared made a hush sound and kissed my forehead. His lips made a trail down the bridge of my nose, and when his lips met mine, he leaned me back, tenderly against the bed. I shamelessly took advantage of his moment of weakness before it passed.

My fingers dug into his shoulders, and I kissed him in the way I reserved only for our most intimate moments. Jared reacted exactly the way I wished he would, pushing away from me just enough for me to untie my robe. Jared lowered his body, letting his skin warm mine.

My heart raced as Jared’s mouth made a wet line down my neck. My knees arced on each side of him, every part of me waiting eagerly for Jared to ignore the voice in his head warning him against such unreasonable human desire. As loud as those voices might have been, he could sense my need to be with him in that way. I knew that would drown out any noble protesting.

For the first time in months, we lost ourselves in each other. Not a single moment did I worry or regret, and neither did Jared—until it was over.

Peacefully against his skin, my head rose and fell with his deep breath. “Don’t say it,” I said with a smile.

“It’s a little late to say anything,” Jared said, kissing my hair.

I frowned, unhappy with his response. Instead of insisting that he show just an ounce of happiness about what had just happened, I decided changing the subject would be more effective. “You know the Christmas party is next weekend.”

“I know,” he smiled, beginning to relax.

I stretched. “I assume you’ve bought a suit.”

“I did.”

“I need a dress,” I said, my brows pulling together.

Jared laughed, momentarily forgetting about anything but the mundane details of our normal life.

We giggled and snuggled until the sun filtered through the curtains, and then Jared walked across the room to dress. I turned on my side to watch him, propping my head with my hand. Knowing how many bullets and wounds he’d sustained in the last few years, I was amazed that his skin was flawless. Every inch of it.

“What are you plotting over there?” Jared asked, smiling.

“Absolutely nothing, I’m simply appreciating your form.”

He pulled a pair of light blue boxer briefs up his legs and over his bare backside. “Is that so?”

I pulled the sheet across the room with me, hunting for something casual to wear to Brown.

“That’s not fair at all. I should be allowed to appreciate as well.” He smiled, but that smile quickly faded as he pulled me behind him.

Bex knocked twice before walking in. “Geez! Really?” he yelled, closing the door.

“Knocking doesn’t count if you just walk in!” Jared growled.

I backed into the closet, mortified.

The door opened again and Jared sighed. “We are allowed privacy,” he said, his voice low and angry.

“I’ve seen it all before,” Claire said. “Hey,” she smiled, poking her head into the closet. “You wanna hang out today?”

“Don’t even think about it,” Jared warned.

“She’s learning, isn’t she?” Claire snapped. “She’s got to see it sometime!”

“She’s not learning that,” Jared said.

“You’ve got business today anyway,” Bex said.

Kim walked in, confused by the number of people in the room, coupled with our lack of clothing. “I’ll just wait outside.”

“I’ll go too,” Bex said.

Jared glared at Bex and then at Claire. “She’s not ready.”

“I need her for a distraction in case Ryan shows up,” Claire said, irritated that she had to explain.

“Use her as bait?” Jared seethed. “No.”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s going on and let me make the decision?” I said. Being spoken about as if I weren’t in the room was quickly becoming my least favorite thing.

“Claire’s going to take out Anderson,” Jared said, frowning.

“You’re going to kill him?” I asked. Claire nodded. “Right now?”

She watched me, annoyed.

“But I have class,” I said, completely aware of how absurd the words sounded.

Jared pushed Claire and Bex backward. “That settles it. Out.”

Claire ducked under her brother’s arm with little effort. “If Ryan shows up, you could help,” she said, appealing to my better nature. “Otherwise, it could get ugly. He might try to protect Anderson.”

“Wait,” I said. “Just let me think about this for a minute.”

Jared froze and then turned to face me. “This is a bad idea. We can take him out to lunch or something to distract him. I’m not letting you get in the middle of one of Claire’s hits, so—,”

“Kim has class too,” Claire said, her voice smooth and persuading. “Jared needs her help today.”

“She doesn’t go to class half the time anyway and still has a four-point-oh,” I grumbled. “Watch you take a man’s life?” I said, unsure.

“Yes,” Claire said, “and help if Ryan shows.”

“What about the lunch idea?” I asked, looking to Jared.

“Ryan’s on duty,” Claire said. “I can’t wait around for him to take a lunch break. It doesn’t work that way and Jared knows that.” Claire snarled her lip at Jared.

I nodded. “Okay.”

I walked into the closet with a purpose, shutting the door behind me. It was finally quiet, but only for a fraction of a second before Claire was banging with her fist. “Let’s go, princess. I don’t have all day.”

“I’m coming!” I growled. Black jeans and a black turtleneck seemed like appropriate assassination attire, completed by tying my hair into a tight, low bun. When I emerged, Claire’s face lit up.

“I have boots that would look amazing with that.”

“I can’t wear stilettos on a hit,” I said, annoyed with her sudden cheerful demeanor.

Claire wrinkled her nose. “Why not? I do it all the time.”

With that, we all made our way down the stairs and out to the drive.

Jared tugged on my arm before I ducked into Claire’s Lotus. “Claire will keep you safe. Just keep your head down, okay? Do everything you’re told.”

“I promise,” I said. Jared was still nervous, despite trusting his sister’s capabilities, and although I sympathized with his feelings, it was nice not to be the one worrying for a change.

Jared kissed my cheek before disappearing behind the black windows of the Escalade. Kim hopped into the passenger seat, but not before waving to me like a child leaving for the zoo. I shook my head and waved back.

“Today!” Claire snapped, revving the engine.

Bex and I piled into the passenger seat beside Claire. She drove us to North Providence and turned on Mineral Spring Avenue, parking in a McDonald’s parking lot not a block from the red brick walls of Ryan’s police station.

“You’re kidding. It’s seven in the morning! You’re going to gun down a cop in broad daylight?” I said in disbelief.

“Will you pretend I know what I’m doing for two seconds?” Claire snapped. She slipped on her large glasses and nodded to an officer walking out to a cruiser.

“Anderson?” I said.

“Yep,” Claire said, waiting a beat after Anderson pulled out onto the road before she turned the wheel and pressed on the gas to follow.

She stayed so far behind the black and white that I thought a few times we’d lost him. Claire’s eyes were focused, however, and what I couldn’t see, she saw as if it were right in front of her.

“Okay,” she said, slowing by the curb. “Let’s set up shop,” she said to her brother.

Bex nodded once, pulling a hot pink duffel bag from the back seat.

I eyed the bag and then smiled at Bex.

He rolled his eyes. “I’ve tried to get her to bring black ones. Or even brown or green. She won’t.”

“I may be a ruthless assassin, but I’m still a girl,” she said, popping a stick of gum in her mouth.

We kept a low profile: climbing over fences, dodging dogs on chains and play equipment, and finally sneaking into a two-story building. The stairs were unusable, the bottom half lay on the floor, and the top half hung by only a few dilapidated boards.

“What now?” I whispered.

Bex threw me over his shoulder and then hopped from the wall to a beam to the next floor. Even from my angle, he looked like Spiderman. I couldn’t imagine why he thought he needed to float. He could climb walls easily enough.

Claire took a single leap, grabbing the landing where the stairs met the second floor, and then swung to our position.

“You can put me down, now, Bex,” I said.

“Not yet,” he said, taking a running jump to the half-exposed rafters. “Okay,” he said, helping me balance. We were sitting on a few beams lined together that formed what used to be the attic floor.

Claire lay on her stomach beside me, clicking the pieces of her rifle together. “They’re going to meet here,” she whispered. “Don’t make a sound. Anderson is very paranoid. That’s how he’s made it this far. If you tip him off, it will be a while before we get a chance like this again.”

I nodded, watching Bex pull his own rifle from the bag. He didn’t set it on its stand in front of him; instead, he set it in front of me.

“Just look through the sights. Don’t take the shot, even if you have one. It’s just for practice,” he said in a low voice.

I began to whisper affirmation, but voices below startled me. Claire slowly put her hand on the barrel of my rifle and then let go, situating herself to aim.

“Look through your sights,” she whispered. I did so, and three men in suits came into view, along with a man in uniform. “Count them. How many do you see?”

“Four,” I said.

Bex leaned in beside my ear. “Look by the entrance.”

I slowly moved my rifle in the direction he referred to and spotted two more. To my surprise, the men were not in uniform but in suits. Their broad shoulders and extra-large frames reminded me of old movies about the mob.

“Bodyguards,” Bex said. “Look closer at their jackets. You see the slight bulging on each side?”

“They’re armed,” I breathed.

With one finger, Claire turned the adjustment on her rifle. The tiny click sound it made seemed as loud as a jet engine to me, but the noise was so insignificant it was inaudible to the men below.

Bex touched my elbow with the back of his finger. “She’s going to account for crosswind and range-to-target, but this is an easy shot. Once the gun goes off, try to relax. I’ll get you down and out of here, and by the time you blink twice, we’ll be on our way home in the Lotus.” His low even tone reminded me of an emcee for a televised golf tournament or the narrator for an African Lion documentary—minus the accent.

Claire held her breath, peering into the scope. She bit her lip and began to squeeze the trigger.

“Damn it,” she whispered. “Ryan just pulled up. He’s a block north. You and Nina intercept him; I’ll meet you in twenty.”

“Wait—” Before I could protest, Bex lifted me off the wooden beams and climbed out the broken slats of an old vent, dropping more than thirty feet below. He landed smoothly and tugged on my hand. “Come on,” he said, keeping his voice to a whisper.

We ran down the alley as fast as my legs could move, slowing only when we reached the next street down.

“This way,” Bex said, leading me by the hand across the street, this time at a reasonable pace.

“Nina?” a voice called.

I turned to see Ryan walking toward us, confused, but happy to see me.

“Hey,” I forced my best smile, trying to control my breathing. “Clocked-in already?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, flicking his badge. “What are you doing this far north?”

“Uh.”

“I made her drive me to my girlfriend’s house,” Bex said.

Ryan blinked and then scanned Bex from top to bottom. “Oh, I thought you were Jared.”

“Bex,” he said, offering his hand to Ryan. “Jared’s little brother.”

“Amazing, isn’t it?” I grinned.

“Well, I’m supposed to meet my partner. I’ll call you tonight, Nina.”

“Meet your partner?” I said, surprised.

“Yeah. Work stuff.”

Bex and I traded glances, and then Bex tugged on my coat. “Well, don’t want to keep Mandy waiting.”

Ryan smiled. “No, man, you probably don’t. See you guys around.”

We walked at a forced pace until Ryan was out of sight, and then Bex pulled on me again. He was barely at a jog, while I was sprinting full speed until we reached the next block over, where Claire waited in the Lotus.

“It was a trap,” I said, breathlessly. “They were waiting for Ryan.”

“I know,” Claire said, her eyes focused and menacing.

She raced down the street, weaving in and out of traffic until we reached Brown University. “What about Ryan?” I said.

“I’ll take care of it. Bex will wait here until Jared’s finished. I have some things to wrap up.”

I nodded and then watched from the curb as she sped away.

“Tell me,” I said, turning to Bex.

“I only heard a little as we were leaving to cut off Ryan, but Donovan sent those men to collect him. They were going to use him for bait.”

“So now Ryan’s a target.”

“We’re all targets.”

14. It’s Your Funeral

“I was right,” I said, letting Jared take my coat. “It looks like Christmas threw up on the conference room.”

“You were right. And how ridiculous, when you’re decoration enough,” Jared said, kissing my cheek.

Loud, obnoxious music made it necessary to practically yell at each other. Red, green, and gold tinsel draped every surface in the room, and the employees, with their dates, loitered in a perfect half-moon around the DJ, careful not to cross the boundary of the dance floor.

“I’m going to tell the DJ to turn it down a notch or ten,” I said.

Jared nodded, watching with amusement as I walked with purpose across the wooden floor.

“Excuse me,” I said. The DJ bobbed his head, concentrating on the computer screen in front of him. “Excuse me!” I yelled, tapping him on the shoulder.

“What can I do for you?” he yelled back.

“Can you turn it down? I’d like for the guests to hear each other.”

The DJ frowned. “Ms. Bankovic asked that I keep it at party level.”

“Sasha?” I confirmed. “This is a business party, not a frat party,” I said over the music. “Turn it down.”

The DJ grudgingly complied, and I walked away, thoroughly satisfied. That warm, fuzzy feeling from my small victory didn’t last long. Sasha had Jared cornered a few feet from the punch bowl. He looked bored and uncomfortable; she was giggling, gesturing to the mistletoe above them.

“Hi, baby,” Jared said emphatically, pulling me to his side.

“Nina,” Sasha said, surprised. “What are you doing here?” I raised an eyebrow. “I mean . . . Where have you been?”

“With the DJ, insisting he lower the music to an acceptable decibel. Now, if you’re finished flirting, I’ll save my fiancé from beneath the mistletoe so you no longer have a reason to threaten him with your dry, clumpy lipstick.”

Sasha’s mouth fell open, but I didn’t give her enough time to fire back a reply. A slow song came over the speakers, and I pulled Jared to the center of the dance floor.

His fingers pressed into my skin, eager and anxious. “Would it be redundant of me to say that I enjoy it very much when you’re jealous and mean?”

“Yes, but say it anyway,” I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck. Before long, more couples joined us, and we were lost in a sea of lovers swaying to the music.

When the song ended, Jared left for the punch-bowl line, and I stayed behind to greet co-workers and guests. Some were retirees, men and woman who had been with Titan since the beginning. Seeing them brought back hundreds of memories, and it was soon a relief to welcome the new faces of the company.

“You shouldn’t be standing around when there’s a slow song, peanut,” Grant said. He undoubtedly wore his most charming smile.

“I’m here with Jared, Grant,” I sneered.

“Oh, come on,” Grant grinned. “Just one dance?”

“No.”

He laughed and shook his head. “You look,” he gave me a once-over, “incredible. Red is . . . wow.”

“Thank you,” I said, looking in every direction but his.

“Are you sure you— Jared! Nice to see you.”

The pleasant expression on Jared’s face as he handed me the small plastic cup faded abruptly when he turned to Grant. “I wish I could concur,” Jared said, noticeably restrained. “You might have better luck with the interns.” He nodded to a dark corner of the room. “They’re spiking their punch and might be more susceptible to your persistence.”

Grant’s smile didn’t budge. “Happy Holidays to you both.”

“Merry Christmas,” Jared said.

The people around us were beginning to stare, so I looked to the floor, attempting to downplay the spectacle Jared had made.

“What is with you?” I said, trying to keep my head down.

“I didn’t want him to be under the impression that I liked him.”

“You made your point. Now, can you please be the reserved, controlled Jared I know and love? I need to earn the respect of the people here.”

“I’m sorry,” Jared said, kissing my hair.

“Nina?” a voice called from across the room. I winced at the horrid sound and then turned to see Sasha barreling toward me with someone in tow.

“Practice what you preach,” Jared said with a contrived smile.

Sasha’s annoying smirk twisted her face in a way that made her already sharp features seem cartoon-like. She gestured to the brawny, dark-haired man behind her.

“I’d like for you to meet my date, Ryan Scott. Ryan, this is a fellow intern of mine, Nina Grey.”

I couldn’t hide the instant shock and dismay that came over me.

Ryan held out his hand. “Intern? Doesn’t she run the company?” He winked.

Sasha laughed once, caught. “Er, not yet.”

I took Ryan’s hand. “I believe we’ve met.”

“Oh?” Sasha said, genuinely intrigued.

Ryan glanced at Jared and then back at me. “Could I steal you for a minute?”

“No,” Jared said without pause.

I chuckled nervously and then peered up at Jared from under my lashes. “I’ll just be a minute.”

Jared frowned, but he didn’t argue.

“Well,” Sasha said to Jared in her high-pitched, irritating voice, “I guess it’s just you and I, then.”

“I’ll be right back,” I said, staring directly at Sasha.

Ryan held me by the arm, quickly stopping in a quiet corner. “I thought we had a deal.”

“A deal?” I hissed. “I agreed that I owed you for helping me fool Jared. I didn’t say I would help you talk to Claire. Ambushing her is not a good idea.”

He sighed. “Well, I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. My partner was murdered, and I think it has something to do with the other police deaths over the last year. I think they’re all connected. I need to talk to her before I can get my head on straight enough to investigate this. It’s big, Nina, really big, and I can’t focus on it if my mind is always on Claire.”

“You’re investigating the police murders?”

Ryan’s features were so stern I was suddenly nervous. “Not officially. Anderson and I were both on the case before he was killed. I wasn’t sure before that they were connected, but now that Kit’s dead, I know. Even the ones that appeared to be accidents.”

“Listen—”

“No, you listen. I’m in a lot of trouble. No one else at the station knows what we were up to, and if they do, they’re not going to let a rookie take the case. They killed my partner, Nina. It’s personal. If I don’t figure this out soon, you can kiss my ass good-bye. This is serious, and I need to be focused, but Claire’s eyes above me in that hellhole are all I can think about.”

“Are you finished?” I said, irritated.

“No,” he said, frowning. “And just so you know, I’m really, really sorry.”

“For what?” I said, returning his expression.

Ryan grabbed each side of my face and kissed me. Not just any kiss. His tongue was inside my mouth, and he kissed me so passionately that it was beyond obscene in front of everyone I worked with, not to mention my fiancé.

Before the embarrassment soaked in, Ryan was thrown across the room and slid on his side along the dance floor, stopping just before he crashed into the DJ station.

The music abruptly cut off, clearing the air for the screams and audible panic.

“Jared, stop!” I shouted, watching him charge.

I ran across the wooden floor, hoping to stop any bloodshed, but before I reached Ryan, Claire appeared in front of him, in a protective stance, facing her brother.

Jared stood motionless, breathing heavily from the angry adrenaline running through his veins. “He did it on purpose,” Jared huffed.

“And you played right into his plan,” Claire said lividly. She turned to Ryan. “Kissing my sister? That’s how you planned to get my attention?” she said, pulling him up by his tie.

Ryan choked a bit before loosening up the knot around his neck and then smiled. “I did what I had to,” he said to Claire and then looked to Jared. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care what your reasons are. Don’t ever touch Nina like that again. I can’t kill you, but I’ll make you wish you were dead.” Jared grabbed my hand and then led me from the party, down two flights of stairs, and out to the parking lot.

When we reached the Escalade, I covered my mouth with one hand. Jared was still angry, but when he looked at me, I couldn’t help but smile.

“He so got you,” I said, trying not to laugh out loud.

Jared smiled. “He did, didn’t he?”

We both laughed aloud, uncontrollably, more than we had ever done before. By the time we were finished, I was breathless, and the muscles in my stomach were sore and tight.

We drove home, hand in hand, smiling at one another at each stoplight. Ryan finally getting face time with Claire should have been a disaster, but a sense of relief surrounded us, as if our group was finally complete. I had no idea what Claire would tell Ryan—how much truth she would really share—but Ryan being Claire’s taleh, and the fact that he was now in love with her, was proof that we were supposed to be in each other’s lives. Jared’s prediction was wide of the mark, but he had never looked so happy to be wrong since we’d met.

The next day, I awoke to large flakes of snow falling gracefully from the sky. Each fluffy white piece drifted downward as if it were orchestrating its own symphony. Looking out the window, the ground was already covered in at least two feet of snow, and the grey clouds above didn’t foretell anything but more of the same.

“It’s been like that since four a.m.,” Bex said from the hallway.

I tightened my robe around me and opened the door.

Bex stood before me, bored and holding a half-eaten apple. He took another bite, crunching loudly. “He’s bringing coffee.”

“Good,” I said, leaving him to head for the bathroom.

Steam from the shower quickly surrounded me, but before I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, I heard the door open.

“Jared?”

“It’s me,” Claire said, shutting the door behind her.

I peered through the fuzzy glass, barely able to make out her tiny frame. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been up all night with Ryan. We talked a lot. We fought more.”

“Oh? About what?”

“About what he saw in the desert and if I was there or not. He knows the men who stabbed him last year were cops. He knows a lot more than we thought. Finally . . .” She sighed, “Finally I just told him.”

“Everything? You confessed about the other cops and the commissioner? About Anderson and about what you are?”

“Not yet.”

“How did you explain without telling him everything?”

“I promised I would explain later.” She frowned. “It doesn’t feel right to tell him, Nina. We were raised on the belief that this secret kept our family safe.”

“Then don’t tell him until it feels right.”

“What if it never feels right?”

“I don’t know,” I said, turning off the water. A towel flew up and over the shower door, landing on my head. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Claire said, shutting the door behind her.

By the time I was dressed and ready, Claire, Jared, and Bex were downstairs in the kitchen, discussing Ryan. Just by entering the room, I saw that it was obviously not a constructive conversation.

“You’re such a hypocrite!” Claire growled.

Jared slammed the side of his fist on the table. “Are you in love with him?”

“No!”

“Then it’s a different scenario!” Jared glanced in my direction and then took a breath, attempting a calmer tone. “You said it yourself. It doesn’t feel right to tell him.”

I sat down, scanning the siblings with my eyes before speaking. Outwardly, Claire was angry, but her eyes were begging for understanding. Telling Ryan anything was a huge step for her. Just as Jared struggled with it two years before, Claire was now fighting with her conflicting feelings. She needed her brothers to support her.

I took a seat across from Jared and next to Claire. The choice was meaningful, and I hoped that they would notice. “Maybe Claire is looking for your blessing, Jared,” I said.

“Or just some understanding,” she grumbled.

Bex stood up and walked across the kitchen, picking up a plate and then setting in front of me. It was an omelet, loaded with ham, green onion, mushrooms, and cheese.

“Thanks,” I smiled.

Bex nodded and then touched his sister’s shoulder. “Claire, I love you, but take a step back and think about this. Ryan is a cop. He’s investigating murders you committed. What do you think he’s going to do when you tell him you murdered his partner? You think he’s going to forgive you because he saw your eyes in the desert?”

“The partner who orchestrated his kidnapping and ultimate demise,” Claire said. “Listen.” She sighed. “I know how it looks on paper. I may not be in love with Ryan, but he says he’s in love with me. If he listens to what I have to say and I approach it carefully, I think he could be an asset.”

“We can’t take that chance,” Jared said, finality in his voice.

Claire stood, her palms flat on the table. “You took the same chance when you told Nina, and she wasn’t even an asset! Her life has spun out of control since the second you revealed yourself to her, Jared. At least let me make my own decision, as you did!”

Jared’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “You were on me for months about Nina, Claire! How quickly you forget the hours I spent listening to your lectures on doing the right thing. Keep the secret. Keep the secret! That’s been your mantra for years!”

Tears filled Claire’s eyes as her face turned red. “Coming from you!” she screamed. “You know what it’s like to have no one, and you know what it’s like to finally be free of the burden of what we are, to have someone else besides your mother or your brothers to confide in! I have no one, Jared! You’ve lived it, and you still deny me the liberation you insisted on?”

Jared shifted in his seat, but I could see in his eyes he would not yield. Claire saw it too.

“Go to hell!” she shrieked before storming out of the house. She slammed the door with such force that the surrounding painting and pictures on the wall fell from their nails and crashed to the floor.

“You’re making a mistake,” I said, meeting Jared’s obstinate stare. “Claire, wait!” I yelled, hoping she would hear it before she sped away. I ran outside, stopping at the Lotus.

Claire wiped her eyes. “Sorry. I cry when I’m mad.”

“I do too,” I said, offering an apologetic smile.

“He asked me to go to Anderson’s funeral.” Claire focused her eyes straight forward, too emotional to make eye contact.

“Are you going?”

“I couldn’t think of a good enough reason when he asked, but I shouldn’t. It’s wrong.”

“I’ll go with you.”

Claire’s ice blue eyes darted up in surprise. “You will?”

“Yeah,” I said. “When?”

“In an hour,” she said, attempting to mask her hopeful expression.

I looked at my watch. “Okay. Give me a minute to get dressed.”

Jared frowned as I slipped on a demure black dress. I sat down on the bed to pull up my black stockings, and he sat beside me.

“This is inappropriate on so many levels,” he said.

“Kind of like you sitting next to the reason your father lost his life on the night he died?” I said, slipping on my heels. Jared helped me with my coat, and then I poked a pearl earring into each of my ears. I turned, cupping his jaw with my hands. “Your point is justifiable, but it is her choice, Jared, just as it was yours. Trust Claire to make her own decision. She’s never let you down before.”

“She’s never wanted to tell before.”

“Then that’s your answer,” I said, kissing his soft, warm lips. His mouth lingered on mine, and then I pulled away, knowing Claire was anxiously waiting.

I returned to the Lotus alone, slipping into the passenger seat. Claire pulled on her large, dark sunglasses and then shoved the gear into first, soaring down the drive, and fishtailing when she hit the street.

Saints Peter and Paul Cathedral was surrounded by dozens of police cruisers and even more civilian vehicles. The line at the entrance was already backed up to the next block by sniffling mourners.

“We should have come earlier,” I said.

“We shouldn’t be here at all,” Claire said quietly. “Shit.”

A knock on her window prompted Claire to roll it down, revealing Ryan in his dress blues. “You made it,” he said with a reserved grin. He opened the door for Claire and then jogged around the front of her car, opening the door for me. “Thanks for coming. It means a lot.”

I simply nodded, walking behind Ryan as he escorted Claire to the front steps, bypassing the endless line of weeping friends and family. As we passed them, some recognized Ryan and shook his hand. Seeing him seemed to upset some of the women, and even some of the men fought back tears as Ryan traded quiet words during a short hug. Once they acknowledged Ryan, their expressions changed to curiosity, evaluating the small young lady in the black leather dress with pointed-toe stilettos.

Each person we passed offered a pained expression for Ryan and then regarded Claire with bewilderment. Claire’s dress was long-sleeved, with a respectable crew-neck line. Her skirt was short but an inch longer than mid-thigh. Maybe it was her beauty that struck them or the black stilettos that shot up from the ground, turning into a slithering snake with a shiny, turquoise eye on the stainless steel heel of her shoe.

The ensemble was something only Claire would dare wear to a funeral, but the look fit her. Ryan didn’t seem to mind. Before we reached the doorway, Ryan took Claire’s hand in his and led her down the aisle. She glanced back at me, unsure of how to react.

We walked to the front of the sanctuary, seated behind the family, but on the first row of police officers who served with Kit Anderson. Ryan sat between Claire and me, making the situation even more uncomfortable. The pianist worked the keys, and a solemn song echoed throughout the church. Two rows ahead, in the center of the pew, two small children sat on each side of a woman. A man sitting in front of Claire reached forward to touch the woman’s shoulder. She patted his hand and then squeezed her young son closer.

My fingers touched my lips. “Oh my God,” I whispered.

“Yeah,” Ryan said, leaning into my ear. “That’s his wife and his two kids. His little girl is three. His son is seven.”

I couldn’t hide the horror in my eyes as I looked to Claire. She was impervious, lowering her chin as a gesture for me to remain calm. Each second after that moment was an eternity: the eulogy, the service, and the songs. Once the prayer began, I scrambled from my seat, ignoring those I forced to stand or slide their legs over while I side-stepped to escape.

The doors pushed open, and the brisk air in my lungs felt like the first time I’d breathed in over an hour. The railing was the only thing keeping me erect while I struggled to catch my breath.

“Nina, Jesus!” Claire said. She grabbed my arm, steadying my weak knees. “You just ran—not walked—ran out of the funeral of a murdered Providence police officer! Why don’t you just tape a target to your back?”

“He had babies! A family!” I cried.

“You have a family too,” Claire said. “We just happen to have better aim.”

“We should have talked to him, given him a chance to do the right thing.”

Claire grabbed my shoulders. “Kit Anderson was a father and a husband, but if I hadn’t taken him out, he would have handed Ryan over to Donovan’s men, and Ryan would be dead right now.”

“It doesn’t make sense. Why would they need Ryan? If they wanted you, why not just come to you?”

“Leverage and control,” Claire said. “It’s a way to hold me hostage when they know they could never hold me.”

“Are you all right?” Ryan called, running down the steps to the sidewalk. He lifted my chin. “What happened back there, Nigh?” He looked to the church and then back to me.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I haven’t been to a funeral since Jack.”

“Oh. Of course, I didn’t realize,” Ryan said, hugging me for a brief moment. “Maybe some food might make you feel better? Have you eaten?”

“No, actually,” I said, just realizing that fact.

“The wives are cooking for the guys at the station and taking some food over to the family too. Let’s stop by there before you two head home.”

“Nina has some things to do,” Claire said, slipping on her sunglasses.

Ryan’s eyes met mine. His expression told me this was the moment of reparation.

“I should eat,” I said.

Even through her dark glasses, I could see Claire’s big eyes zero in on mine, an indication of the retribution I would receive once we were alone.

Ryan’s smile spanned from one side of his face to the other. “Okay, then. You wanna ride with me?”

“Yes,” I said without pause. If I was lucky, I could postpone my punishment until Jared was around. As much as I loved Claire, she was still intimidating.

The ride to the North Providence Police Station was full of tension, although Ryan babbled like a nervous teenager on his first date. Few people had left the church by the time we’d arrived, but within the half-hour, the small space quickly overflowed.

Ryan, Claire, and I retreated to a smaller room where the officers on duty were watching television and playing cards, and two in the corner were arm wrestling.

“Scotty Dog!” one of the officers said. “Which one’s the ex and which one’s your date?”

“Stow it, McCarty,” Ryan said. “Claire, Nina, this is Matt, and that’s Pat.” He gestured to the officer wrestling Matt’s hand to the table. Finally, Pat succeeded.

“I was distracted!” Matt said.

Ryan laughed. “You’re such a baby, McCarty. Take the loss like a man.”

Matt tapped the table. “Come on, then, Scotty. Put your money where your mouth is.”

Ryan watched Matt pull out a fifty-dollar bill, slamming it on the table. Claire’s body language was notably different. She raised her hand to her mouth, subtly trying to cover the slight grin that touched the corners of her mouth.

Ryan saw Claire’s expression as well, prompting him to sit, and then roll up his sleeves. “Let’s do it.”

Their hands and arms shook as they pushed against the other. Matt’s face was red, and a vein had popped out on his forehead like a pulsating worm slithering under his skin.

“You gonna let the rookie beat you, McCarty?” Pat said, smiling at the spectacle.

A few moments later, Ryan slammed Matt’s hand to the table. “Yeah!” he grunted, standing up in celebration.

“Oh, brother,” Claire said, rolling her eyes. “I thought you invited us to lunch, not a pissing contest.”

“You wanna stab at it?” Ryan asked, returning to his seat.

Claire stiffened. She was competitive, and being forced to lose to Ryan to protect her identity was not something she would handle well.

“Don’t do it,” I whispered.

“I won’t be easy on you just because you’re a girl,” Ryan said.

Matt laughed. “I don’t know. She’s got some eggs on her arms.”

By the look on his face, Ryan knew exactly what he was doing. He had experienced her strength before, and he was going to test his theory.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said, uninterested. “You’re still healing.”

Ryan shrugged. “Then I’ll use the other arm. I’ll still beat you.”

Claire sat in the open chair.

“Claire, no,” I said.

Ryan held up his hand and Claire took it. She lowered her chin, glaring into Ryan’s eyes.

“She’s feisty,” Matt said, intrigued.

“Shut up, McCarty,” Pat said.

“Say, ‘Go,’ Nina,” Claire said.

“This is stupid.” I said, attempting a last chance to avoid the only two products of their ridiculous stand-off—neither of them good.

“Go!” Matt yelled.

Their arms turned rigid, and then their hands began to tremble. I knew the shaking was on Ryan’s part; Claire looked bored.

After fifteen seconds, the officers around the table began to harass Ryan. “I thought you said you wouldn’t go easy on her, Scotty Dog?” McCarty smirked.

“Come on, Scotty. Quit foolin’ around,” Pat said.

Ryan’s face turned several shades of red, and then beads of sweat formed on his brow.

Claire raised an eyebrow and then pushed a bit, leaning Ryan’s hand closer to the table.

McCarty laughed out loud. “She’s gonna beat him! Scotty’s gonna get beat by a girl!”

Ryan took a deep breath and then pressed his lips together, holding his breath and straining so hard I thought he might pass out.

Claire looked at Matt and then back at Ryan. She rolled her eyes, and the slight tension in her arm gave way. Ryan slammed her hand to the table.

The officers all cheered, and Ryan stood, rubbing his arm.

“You’re not serious,” Matt said, doubtful.

Claire patted the empty table space in front of her and smiled. “Have a seat, sweet pea.”

“This is bad, bad idea,” I said. “Claire, it’s time for us to go.”

Matt put up his hand and Claire took it.

I turned to Ryan. “Don’t let her do this. It’s going to draw attention.”

“To what?” he asked, focused on my eyes.

I recoiled from his stare. “Nothing.”

“Go!” Pat said.

Matt’s arm stiffened against Claire’s. Before long, his face was as red as Ryan’s had been just moments before.

“Holy God, you’re strong!” Matt grunted.

“Claire, please,” I said. “We have to go!”

“Okay,” she said, slamming his hand to the table, immediately bringing it back to the start position. “Officers,” she nodded.

It was hard not to sprint to the car. Jared’s reaction was at the forefront of my mind. “Stupid! That was so,” I wheeled around, stopping Claire in her tracks, “stupid!”

Claire kissed my nose. “No, it was fun. Let’s go.”

15. The Truth in Sixty Seconds

Jared shut the curtains, allowing me to relax a bit. The morning sun hurt my eyes, and the ache in my head throbbed every time my heart beat. I turned another page of my textbook, trying to catch up to classmates who hadn’t missed the last two days.

I pressed my fingers against the skin between my eyebrows. “The computer guy didn’t know what he was talking about,” I said. “I said simple. This laptop is impossible.”

Jared rubbed my back. “Not impossible. You just have to adapt to change.”

I slammed my book shut. “That’s all I do, Jared, adapt to change. The only thing that is constant is the fact that everything keeps changing.”

Jared smiled, kissing my shoulder. “I’ll leave you alone to finish your paper, and then we’re going to get out of the house for a while.”

“Thanks,” I grumbled, opening my book again.

My eyes passed over the words, but nothing sunk in. Wedding plans, Kit Anderson’s children, Ryan being in danger, dead birds, and the whereabouts of the book danced around in my mind. Each thought lingered only for a few seconds, and then I flipped to the next one like the channels of late-night television. When I caught myself wandering from the topic of my paper, I would force my focus back to reality. Each time that happened, I grew more frustrated.

Two hours and six pages later, I pulled on my boots and met Jared outside. The crisp air surrounded me as I walked down the drive, and I buttoned my coat to ward off the cold.

The Escalade was left running so I wouldn’t have to shiver while the cab warmed to a tolerable temperature. Jared helped me inside with a smile, kissing my red nose before shutting the door, and then we made a new set of tracks down the street. The sky had dropped another six inches of snow on the ground, but only after a few hours of sleet had laid down a solid bed for the snow to stick to.

Jared had no trouble navigating through the ice and powder, but red and blue lights lit the inside of the cab, and the Escalade came to a stop next to a nine-foot snow drift.

“Can’t he just call?” Jared said, gripping the steering wheel.

Ryan knocked on the window, and Jared lowered it. Ryan began to speak, but Jared let his finger off the button, stopping the window halfway. Ryan waited patiently, and then Jared lowered the window again. When it was at chin level, Ryan addressed me, but Jared, once again, let his finger off the button.

“Funny,” Ryan said. “Where’s Claire? I haven’t heard from her today.”

“It’s possible she’s not going to pick up the phone every time you call, Ryan,” Jared said, amused.

Ryan’s eyes focused on me. “Have you seen her?”

“Not today. If she’s not answering, then she must be busy.”

Jared sighed. “If you pull me over every time you can’t get Claire on the phone, we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other.”

“I just . . .” He shook his head. “I just came across some information I wanted to share with her about the investigation.”

“Like what?” Jared asked, annoyed but curious.

Ryan narrowed his eyes. “Walter Graham was the man who tried to rob Nina outside the pub. Ronnie Studebaker, whose friends called him ‘Stu,’ was the man who stabbed me. Robert Benson was with them. They were never caught or charged.”

“Yeah. So?” Jared said, impatiently.

“They were all detectives of the Providence Police Department. Now they’re dead. Graham was killed while answering a robbery call, Benson stopped breathing in his sleep, and Stu went missing. His body has never been found. I can’t account for the fourth man involved in the attack.”

“Do you have a point, Ryan?” Jared said.

“Commissioner Johnson and six members of state government, in addition to seven police officers, have come to untimely deaths in the last eighteen months, including Kit Anderson. Graham was killed the same night twenty-three deaths were reported in Rhode Island and Massachusetts. All GSWs.”

Jared laughed once. “You’re not telling me anything I don’t know, Ryan.”

“Exactly. How do you know this information unless you are responsible for forty-one deaths?”

“Whoa! You are way off, Ryan,” I said, shocked at his conclusion.

Ryan leaned into the window. “You know what I think? I think the cops were dirty and that the cops and those dead officials are part of some sort of crime ring and Nina got mixed up in it somehow. There’s no way you could have killed twenty-three people at the same time in two different states, so I think they lied about what happened. You with me so far?”

Jared grinned, amused with Ryan’s story. “I’m with you. You’re full of crap, but I’m with you.”

“I think everyone who’s dead is a threat to you somehow because they know too much about whatever it is that you do. The question is how much is too much? And how much more can Claire tell me before you take me out?”

Jared laughed out loud. “You should ease up on the cop shows, Ryan. Now, if you don’t mind, my fiancée and I have wedding shopping to do.”

“Wait,” Ryan said, “you’re not married yet?” He looked to me, genuine surprise on his face.

“We’ve been busy,” I said, embarrassed.

Jared’s jaw tensed. “The date has been set. June first. We’ll be sure to send you an invitation; that is if I haven’t taken you out yet.”

The wheels spun against the wet snow, but the Escalade didn’t move. “Damn,” Jared said.

He pushed open the door, forcing Ryan to jerk back, and disappeared behind the vehicle. The snow drift kept me from getting out on my side, so I climbed over the console, and Ryan helped me to the ground.

“What are you doing?” I asked Jared.

“Digging the truck out. It’ll be just a minute, sweetheart,” he assured me.

“Do you want help?” Ryan asked.

“No,” Jared said quickly.

I turned to Ryan, crossing my arms. “You don’t really think Jared is responsible for your partner’s death, do you?”

“If he is, Kit’s not the first cop he’s killed. There is a single connection tying every single one of those deaths together. Maybe you could talk your boy into keeping his gun in his holster until I figure it out. Or maybe you could just tell me.”

“I don’t know anything,” I said, feigning offense.

“I saw what Jared is capable of the night I was stabbed. I’ve experienced firsthand what Claire can do. They aren’t normal. I know Graham and the other cops were dirty, but Anderson was a good man. He didn’t deserve to die. Quit treating me as if I can’t keep a secret and just tell me.”

I looked past Ryan to see Jared stand up, look around, and then lean against the Escalade, freeing it from the ruts without effort.

“Okay, baby. We’re out. Let’s go.”

Ryan walked to the Escalade, evaluating the slide marks the tires had made. He craned his neck at Jared. “I’m going to figure this out. It would save us all a lot of time and energy if you’d just tell me.”

“Let’s go, Nina,” Jared said.

I nodded, climbing into the cab.

“Maybe I could help you. Have you thought about that?” Ryan said.

Jared took off, leaving him in the snow-buried street.

I pulled my coat tighter around me and stuffed my hands under my arms. “It wouldn’t hurt to have a connection in the police department.”

“Not Ryan,” Jared said.

“You sure talk a lot of smack to Claire about thinking with your emotions. You’re not being objective at all!”

Jared ignored me, instead, pulling over when he noticed a woman trying to dig the snow out from under her buried tires.

A short drive around town turned into a three hour-long aid mission to free stranded motorists from the ice and snow. I would pretend to help, and Jared would pull or push cars and trucks out of snow drifts, ditches, and the side of the road.

It felt good to use Jared’s abilities to help others, even if it was something small.

When we returned to the house, Claire’s Lotus was in the drive, along with a police cruiser.

“I don’t believe it,” Jared said, helping me from the passenger side. He carried me through the snow to the side entrance and then stomped through the house until he found them.

They sat in the kitchen at the breakfast table, laughing. Claire seemed genuinely happy for once, and I smiled at the sight.

“How long have you two been here?” Jared demanded.

Claire’s smile faded. “Don’t worry. I waited for you. I told Ryan you’d tell him what you thought he needed to know.”

“No questions asked,” Ryan promised.

Jared’s hand balled into fists at his side, and the tendons in his neck were strained. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to charge.

“I’m not telling him anything,” Jared growled. “Leave before I do something we’ll all regret.”

He turned his back to Claire, and she jumped up to stop him.

“Wait,” I said, landing the palms of my hands on Jared’s chest. “Sit. Calm down. We’ll just talk,” I said, nodding to Claire and Ryan. “Let’s just sit down and hear them out, and if you still feel the same way, we’ll go.”

Jared took a deep breath and then nodded, taking a seat across from Claire. I sat beside him, placing my hand on his knee.

Claire mimicked his sigh, turning to Ryan. “Anything Jared tells you is privileged information, Ryan. Nina has lied to you, to her best friends, and to her family. Are you sure you want to know?”

Ryan glanced at me.

I leaned forward. “It’s not fun knowledge to have. In this case, ignorance is bliss. I recommend you walk away, but it’s your decision.”

Ryan met Claire’s eyes. “I’m sure.”

“Okay,” Claire said. “First thing’s first.” She grabbed his shirt and ripped it open, popping off the buttons.

“Hey!” Ryan said, holding up his hands.

“Standard procedure,” she said, pulling up his white undershirt, baring his chest. She ran her fingers down each side and then around his back.

“Come on. You think I’m wearing a wire?” Ryan said, looking at each of us.

“I killed your partner,” Claire said, expressionless.

“What?” Ryan said. His eyebrows turned in, and he shifted nervously in his chair.

“Just get right to the point, Claire,” Jared said, shaking his head in disapproval.

“Why would you kill Kit? He was a good man. He was a good cop . . . .”

“He set you up. He asked you to meet him so men working for someone named Donovan could kidnap you and ultimately use you as bait.”

Ryan shook his head. “No, Kit wouldn’t do that.”

“Then he was forced. He has kids. They probably threatened to kill them if he didn’t cooperate.”

Ryan’s shoulders fell. “So you were protecting me.”

“That’s my job,” Claire said.

Ryan’s once confused expression metamorphosed into suspicion. “W-What do you mean it’s your job?”

“Here we go,” I said, covering my mouth with my hands. I remembered the moment Jared had told me the truth about what he was, and I knew Ryan wouldn’t believe her.

Claire was stoic. “I’m your guardian angel. My father was an angel; my mother is human. When my father fell in love with my mother and decided to stay with her, he was cursed by Heaven so he would continue to protect his taleh, his human.”

“My dad,” I added.

Claire continued, “The curse is carried throughout the bloodline for a few generations, so Jared, Bex, and I also have taleh. We have trained our entire lives to be able to protect you, and we have superhuman speed and strength. Nina is Jared’s. You’re mine. I killed Anderson to protect you. I killed everyone else to protect Nina so Jared could stay with her while she healed. I’ve watched you throughout your entire military career, and, yes, I pulled you out of the desert.”

“I thought you said you were going to let me tell him,” Jared said, displeased.

“I don’t have all day,” Claire answered.

Ryan was silent.

“You forgot the most important part,” I said.

Claire rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, and because of the curse, I can’t die unless you do.”

The room was silent. I squeezed Jared’s knee, thankful he hadn’t dropped the truth on me the way Claire had just done with Ryan. We all waited for him to breakdown, yell, or try to leave. He just sat in his chair, letting it soak in.

I took my hands from my mouth and slid them across the table. “Are you okay?” I asked, touching his hand.

“Yeah,” he blinked. “Just trying to get it all straight in my head.”

“If you tell anyone, I’ll end your life,” Jared said in a low, frightening voice.

“Not likely, since you’d also be killing your sister,” Ryan said.

“He was paying attention,” Jared said.

One side of Ryan’s mouth turned up. “So you would literally take a bullet for me.”

“No,” Claire said, with zero emotion.

“No?” Ryan said, surprised at her answer.

Claire rolled her eyes, annoyed that she had to answer. “If I have time to stand in the way of a bullet, you have time to move.”

“True,” Ryan said, nodding.

“So the question is,” I said, “what will you do with the information now that you have it?”

Ryan paused in thought and then fastened the few buttons left on his shirt. “Find Donovan.”

“Welcome to our club,” Bex said, plopping into the chair beside me. “I just talked to Kim. They’re on the move.”

“Kim. Our Kim?” Ryan asked, his eyes darting to me.

“Yes. She’s sort of the opposite of a demon magnet.”

Ryan left that one alone, turning to Claire. “It sounds like you left a lot out.”

She stood, pulling Ryan with her. “Yes. This is going to be like on-the-job training. Can you handle it?”

“So far,” he said.

“That’s the hardest part,” I said, turning to Bex. “Where are they now?”

Bex traded glances with Jared before he spoke. “We have to move. They have an entourage, so it will take all three of us.”

“Okay,” Jared said, nodding as he was lost in thought. “Where is Kim?”

Bex twitched. “Outside.”

Jared nodded. “Kim stays with Nina.”

“Jared!” I protested.

Claire pulled on her coat. “Did you hear Bex, Nina? The three of us are going. We don’t need Kim.”

“Ryan,” Jared said. “I’ll need you to stay with Nina. The only things you can’t handle will be protecting what we’re going after.”

Ryan nodded. “I won’t let her out of my sight.”

“You have your gun?” Claire asked.

Ryan patted his side in confirmation.

I threw my arms around Jared and squeezed, shutting my eyes tight. “Don’t stay away long.”

“In and out, baby. In and out.” He smiled.

“And don’t come back full of bullet holes this time!” I called after him.

The door shut, and the sound of the Escalade’s engine faded as everyone I loved most in the world traveled farther and farther away.

“Bullet holes?” Ryan asked.

“Come on,” I said, pulling him into down the hall. “Let’s find more comfortable chairs. This is going to take a while.”

16. If I Told You Everything

The rain beat against the window of the classroom, prompting Professor Sawyer to speak louder than her small voice could accommodate. Words squeaked from her throat as she struggled to lecture through the snickers and murmurs of the students.

Her words blurred together as I stared at the blank page of my laptop monitor. The nightmares were absent the night before, but only because sleep never came. The Ryels didn’t return home until just before the sun rose, and even if I could have ignored the worry long enough for my eyes to close for a moment, Ryan’s incessant questions kept me awake.

“So what if she gets shot in the head?”

“If I die and then Claire dies, does she go to Heaven?”

“What if I don’t die but I’m a vegetable?”

“Can she get knocked out?”

“So her dad was an angel? Can he see me right now?”

“Can Gabe hear my thoughts? Because that would be no bueno.”

His curiosity was insatiable. I finally lost my temper and yelled at him to shut up, but he only smiled and sat quietly long enough to think of more questions. For the first time, I was glad that Ryan was no longer enrolled at Brown.

I twirled the diamond ring around my finger, trying to block out images of what Bex and Claire had described earlier that morning. Their clash with Isaac and Donovan was short-lived, but had the Ryels been human, it would have been lethal. The vision of Isaac was so vivid and frightening in my mind, and the thought of coming face-to-face with him terrified me. He and Donovan had been commissioned to protect the Naissance de Demoniac, and because they were faced with all three of Gabe Ryel’s children, they decided retreat was the prudent option—but not before sinking four bullets into Bex’s chest.

The kitchen was a bloody mess by sunrise, and although Bex’s eyes were wide with excitement, seeing Claire pluck the remnants of bullets from his flesh left me, well, unsettled.

“Oh, to hell with this! Class dismissed,” the professor said in defeat.

I blinked, seeing the other students pack up without pause and leave the classroom. Once the doorway cleared, Kim stood with a smirk on her face.

“Why didn’t you come back to the house with the others?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Two papers due today. I still go to class, you know.”

“So how did it go?” I asked, following her down the hall. My feet scampered along her wide strides.

She shook her head, clearly troubled.

“Don’t do that, Kim. You’re the impervious one.”

“Taking Shax or Donovan and Isaac head on isn’t working. We need to think of another way to get the Demoniac. They know when we’re coming. We can’t distract them because they want nothing else more than that book.”

I frowned, wary of Kim’s uncharacteristic concern. “I still say we don’t need it. Your family had the book all this time. You have to know what it said. Didn’t you open it?”

“No,” she said firmly. “I was never allowed to open it.”

“What about your uncle? Your father? Between them and Father Francis, can’t we just get enough information for Jared to work with?”

Kim lowered her chin. “I guess you didn’t catch the part about how we weren’t allowed to open the book.”

“You said it yourself!” The words were louder than I’d meant for them to be. I looked around and then lowered my voice. “We can’t take it when they know we’re coming.”

Kim nodded, but her somber expression melted away as an idea lit her eyes. “There is one thing they would want more than the book.”

I shook my head. “No. No way, Jared would never go for it.”

“We need them to come to us. We need bait.”

“Think about it. He’s not going to risk my life to save me, Kim. And I kind of hate you for even mentioning it.”

“Hey, guys!” Beth yelped in her southern drawl. “Ew. That’s a horrible face,” she said, mirroring my expression.

Kim pulled a cigarette seemingly from nowhere and popped it between her lips. “We were just discussing how we would use Nina as bait to lure demons,” she said flatly.

Beth’s face morphed into revulsion. “What class are you guys taking?”

The corners of my mouth turned up, and I wrapped one arm around Beth’s tiny waist. “Come on. I don’t want to lose our table at the Ratty.”

The three of us carried our trays to the corner spot, and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw that Ryan’s chair had been filled. His friends surrounded him with wide grins on their faces. They all talked and laughed, making the dead silence upon our approach that much more noticeable.

“Look who’s back in town, babe!” Chad said, standing to greet Beth.

Beth’s tray slapped against the table when she dropped it to throw her arms around Ryan.

“Hi, Bethy,” Ryan said, giving her a squeeze.

“Yay!” Her pageant-smile stretched to its limit, showing every one of her teeth.

To the others, lunch with Ryan was a celebration, but as the questions about his last days at war, how he got hurt, and why he’d waited so long to tell them came, I grew nervous. So did Ryan.

He stood. “Well! I have to go home and get the old uniform on.”

“I bet you look great in it.” Lisa smiled. “I love men in uniform.”

Kim rolled her eyes. “I’m out too. Let’s go, Nina.”

“Where are we going?” I asked, looking up at her.

“Yeah. Where’re you going?” Ryan said.

Kim tugged on my arm until I stood. “To class, Detective,” Kim said. “That okay?”

Ryan glanced at me and then shrugged. “Just asking.”

Kim gestured for me to follow, and we walked to the parking lot. She glanced up once but didn’t stop to explain why. Her long legs and quick strides had me struggling to keep up, and I was panting by the time we reached the Sentra.

The light sprinkles still falling from the grey clouds gently disturbed a large puddle near Kim’s car. She barreled through it, splashing my jeans with dirty water.

“What’s your hurry?” I asked, annoyed.

“I’m taking you to Quincy. We can talk to my father to see what he knows, and if he knows what I think he does—nothing—we present my idea to Jared.”

“But I have class!” I protested.

“Jared doesn’t show it around you, Nigh, but he’s desperate. He knows something is coming. They’re planning something, and we’ve got nothing. We have no idea how to protect you when we don’t know what we’re protecting you from.”

“Demons,” Ryan said. “Isn’t that all we need to know?”

“No,” Kim said. “And you’re not invited.”

“Well, that’s too bad because I’m coming,” he said. He opened the car door behind the passenger side and slammed it behind him.

Kim looked to me.

“Jared will follow us,” I warned.

“So?” Kim said. “He’ll want to know what my dad has to say, if he says anything.”

I looked around; the Escalade was notably absent. “I haven’t heard from any of them all day.”

“Does being in the dark make you feel better? You should know by now why they keep things from you.”

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” I said, afraid of the answer.

“Just get in the car,” Kim said, settling in behind the wheel.

The drive to Quincy was silent, but when we slowed to a stop in front of a large gate, Ryan and I shared a collective gasp.

“This is your house?” Ryan asked, staring in awe at the looming mansion ahead.

“Yep,” Kim said, keying in a code.

The gate opened slowly, and then Kim accelerated slowly. The gravel drive crunched beneath the Sentra’s tires.

“No way,” Ryan said, his mouth hung open.

“Yes, way,” Kim said, turning off the engine.

Ryan and I leaned against our windows, amazed at the colossal building in front of us. It wasn’t a home; it was a fortress.

Ryan glanced at Kim. “If you’re so rich, why do you drive this piece of shi—”

“The Sentra serves its purpose.”

I stepped onto the gravel drive. It snaked all the way to the large detached garage. Her house was bigger than mine and far more equipped with security. Cameras were mounted on every corner, and the black iron fence blocking general traffic from entering the drive spanned the entire estate.

Two large dogs ran with great leaps, barking wildly until they reached us.

“Hey boys!” Kim said, giving them both loving, vigorous scratches. When the reunion was over, she turned to us. “This is Zeus, and the little one is Hera.”

“Neither of them is little,” Ryan said.

The dogs led us to the front entrance, wagging their tails with such fervor that their entire back half wiggled with the movement.

Kim opened the door, revealing a vast foyer. A small round table stood in the center of the room, boasting an incredible vase that held beautiful long-stemmed flowers.

“Charlie!” Kim bellowed into the air, causing the dogs to bark. “Charlie!” she said again. Her voice echoed across the marble tile.

Two men entered the foyer, both no less than six feet, six inches tall. They were nearly equal in their massive size and so intimidating that I realized I was unconsciously cowering behind Ryan.

The larger of the two had a full brown beard. When his eyes focused on Kim, he held out his arms, and a wide smile broke across his face. “Boo Boo!” he said, his booming voice reverberating throughout the house.

Kim made her way to him quickly, and as tall as she was, the massive arms that encircled her made her seem tiny. Kim’s feet came off the ground as the man arched his back and then returned her to earth after a few sweet moments.

“Nigh, Ryan, this is my dad, Charles Pollock, and this is my uncle Bruce.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said, watching as my hand disappeared into each of theirs when I shook them.

Ryan did the same, but he didn’t seem intimidated at all.

“How’s school, Kimmie?” Bruce asked.

“I’m not really here to catch up. I brought Nina to meet you.”

“Oh?” Charles asked, suddenly suspicious.

Bruce reached behind him but stopped, looking beyond me.

“Let’s all just relax, here,” Jared said from behind me. I turned to see both of his arms outstretched in front of him, his Glock securely between his hands.

Bruce glanced at Charlie, me, and then at Kim, grudgingly pulling his sidearm slowly and carefully from behind him and placing it on the ground.

“It’s okay, Bruce,” Kim said.

Jared released the hold he had on his weapon and then stood beside me, placing it on the table next to him.

Bruce pulled another gun from his back, pointing it at Jared’s face, but then his shoulders dropped. “How many of them are there?” he said.

“Three,” Claire said. I turned to see her in the same stance as Jared. “And if you pull a weapon on us again, I’ll blow out your knee cap.”

“Bruce,” Kim said, shaking her head in warning.

Bruce put the second gun down and then pulled up his pant leg, revealing another gun. He set all three side by side on the ground and then stood.

“You sure you don’t want to check the other leg?” Claire asked, her weapon still drawn.

Bruce sighed and then reached down, pulling a rather large hunting knife from a holster. “That’s all of it.”

“Kim,” Charles said, stiffly and nervously. “What’s going on here?”

Kim reached out to her father. “Nina is my friend, Dad. And she’s important. These people are here to protect her. They’re not here to harm us.”

Charles nodded slowly and then touched the arm of his brother. “Easy, Bruce.”

Bruce relaxed, and Claire stepped out of her rigid stance, replacing her gun in its holster.

Jared turned to me. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Don’t cuss at me,” I said, immediately defensive.

Anger lit Jared’s eyes. “You . . . You have no idea how dangerous it is for you right now.”

“Maybe I would if you would just tell me.”

“If I told you everything, you wouldn’t want to leave the house. And I don’t want that for you,” he said, his eyes dark. “But you can’t do certain things, Nina, and running off with two humans without telling me where you’re going is one of them.”

“I’m sorry.” I huffed. “I thought you’d just follow.”

“Oh,” Jared said, taken aback. “You did?”

“Oh, Christ, let’s hear what Kim has to say and get out of here,” Claire snapped.

I peeked at our audience, embarrassed about the outburst. “Sorry,” I said, clearing my throat.

“The book,” Kim said to Charles.

“Kim!” Bruce said. Charles made a small gesture with his hand, and Bruce immediately conceded.

“They know,” Kim said.

“You’re the son of Gabriel, aren’t you?” Charles said, clearly in awe.

“One of them,” Jared answered.

Bruce’s face turned red. “Thief. If he hadn’t taken the damn book, none of this would be happening.”

Claire took a step forward, and Jared gripped her shoulder. “You call my father that again,” Claire seethed, “and it will be the last word that comes from your mouth.”

“They’re going to help me,” Kim interceded.

“What?” Charles said, confused.

“Jared promised to help me return the Demoniac to the Sepulchre in Jerusalem.”

Charles’ eyes darted to Jared. “Is this true?”

“Yes,” Jared said. “I need time to study it, but after that, you have my word.”

Charles took a step back and then walked several steps away with Bruce right behind him. They conversed in low whispers and then returned.

“We can’t trust them,” Charles said, finality in his tone.

“None of that matters now,” Kim said. “We’ve all got some history here; that’s apparent. But we need to focus on the problem. Dad, Nina is the woman in the prophecy in the Naissance de Demoniac. Does that mean anything to you?”

Charles’ eyes shifted to mine, and then he scanned me from my hair to my shoes. “No,” he paused. “Who is she?”

Kim turned to me. “I told you. We’re not allowed to open the book. He knows nothing.”

“Is that why you came here?” Jared said, livid. “I could have told you that! If Charles knew anything, Gabe and Jack wouldn’t have taken it in the first place!”

“It was worth a try because our next option is the last resort.”

“What are you talking about?” Jared said.

I looked at the crowd of people around me, feeling the negative, hostile energy in the air. It was in that moment that I recognized we had finally come to the last leg of the journey. Getting the book back into our hands had always been the only choice, which was why Gabe and Jack had come to me with the answers at night.

“I have to distract Shax long enough for you to get the book,” I said softly.

Jared turned to me, his eyebrows squeezed tightly together. “Are you serious?”

“No, Jared, she’s trying to be funny. Of course she’s serious,” Kim said.

“Bad idea,” Ryan said.

I reached out to Jared, touching his cheek with my fingertips. “It’s the only way you’re going to get the book.

Jared glanced at Claire and then back to me. “We’ve been trying to get the book to save you. It doesn’t make sense to put you in danger in order to get our hands on it.”

“This is stupid. Let’s go,” Claire said.

Kim held up her hands. “Wait. Just wait. We all know she doesn’t have much time left.”

Kim saying aloud what everyone else knew—and had hoped to keep from me—felt like a bittersweet release, but the siblings’ expressions were ashamed.

Jared’s eyes hit the floor.

“Did I miss something here?” Ryan said, shifting his weight. For the first time since we’d arrived, he seemed uneasy.

Kim’s eyes met mine. “Both sides are talking. You know too much, Shax wants revenge, and you pose a threat to Hell just by being alive. We could pluck out your uterus today, and they would still end your life to prevent a miracle. You’re going to die anyway, Nina. It’s time we resort to desperate measures.”

“Christ Almighty,” Charles whispered.

The air was absent of sound. Everyone’s eyes were on me, but I couldn’t reply. I could barely breathe.

“I’m not going to let that happen, Nina,” Jared said. “We can figure out another way.”

“Is it true?” I said, looking up at him.

His eyes fell away from mine, and I knew the answer.

“Why is this happening?” I cried, pulling away from his grip.

“Nina,” Claire said as I passed.

I ran outside into the rain. Since the day Jack died, my life had spun so far out of control it was hard to remember what my life was like when I was just like any other girl. It wasn’t fair. Eli had instructed me to be strong and not to mourn the normal life I once had, but I didn’t want to die—especially for a choice I didn’t make.

Jared was immediately behind me, encompassing me in his warm arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice pained. “Let me find another way.”

“No,” I said, wiping my nose. “Let’s just get it over with.”

A few moments later, the rest of the group joined us. They all waited patiently for my answer.

Charles fidgeted. “I wish there was some way we could help you.”

Kim hooked her arm with her father’s. “I’m helping them,” she said, her eyes strangely soft and sad. “I won’t leave her side until it’s finished.”

Charles nodded, squeezing his daughter to his side.

“Okay,” I said, shaking off the fear. “How are we going to do this?”

“This is crazy!” Ryan said. “Tell her, Jared! There’s no way we’re using her for demon bait!”

Jared cringed, but he didn’t speak.

Claire grabbed my hand. “We choose our own fate, right, Nina?” she said, managing an encouraging smile.

“Yes,” I said. “If it’s going to happen, I want it to be on my terms.”

“You’re all insane!” Ryan said, horrified. “I feel like I’m watching you all sentence her to death!”

Kim opened the door to the Sentra. “Now all we need is a plan,” she said.

Jared tugged on my hand. “Ride with me.”

I squeezed his fingers in mine, knowing he faced the same fate as I. The ride home was quiet: no radio, no talking, just the noise of the road under the tires and the rain pounding against the windshield.

The window wipers danced back and forth, clearing the rain drops long enough to let the next droplets splash into their place. Headlights from oncoming cars whizzed by, but they were driving slowly because of the weather. It was Jared who was disregarding the speed limit by at least thirty miles per hour.

The decision to use me as a distraction was mine, but the plan was up to Jared. He would be forced to map out our every move, hoping that it was perfect enough to spare our lives.

“We can do this,” Jared finally said, lifting my hand to his lips. “It’s going to work, and we’ll have the book, and then we can save you.”

“I know,” I said with a small smile. “I trust you.”

“Sweet potato fries,” he said, his cloudy eyes glossing over.

“Sweet potato fries.” I smiled back.

17. The Roof

Jared paced, brooded, and once in a while, when his thoughts were particularly tormented, he winced. The color had long left his face as he played back the different scenarios in his mind. Back and forth, he paced so many times that I watched the floor, wondering when he would wear a trail. His inner turmoil could have set the room on fire. It was unbearable to watch, but I couldn’t leave him, not when he was planning my death.

Claire sat next to me, holding my hand, suffering Jared’s torture as I did. Jared had the most to lose, so the plan was his alone. Each decision, from the moment we left the house until the book was safe within its walls, fell on Jared’s shoulders. Watching that responsibility slowly tear him apart was agonizing.

I did not envy his position. Just the thought of doing the same made me feel sick to my stomach.

Jared stopped mid-step. “Ryan?”

“Yeah, man?” Ryan said, standing. He had never been a fan of Jared, but we all shared a common thread. Whether we liked it or not, if one of us was hurt, we would all fall. A loss would affect all of us differently, but it would change our lives in the same horrific way.

“Come with me,” Jared said, leaving the room.

Ryan glanced at Claire and then followed Jared into the hallway. Claire’s grip on my hand tightened.

“You can hear them,” I said.

She looked down at our hands and then closed her eyes. “Don’t ask me to tell you, Nina. Let Jared do this his way.”

“Okay,” I nodded, trusting her judgment.

Ryan returned with a solemn expression. Uncomfortable at best, afraid was a more honest description, he took a few steps toward Claire and me and then held out his hand.

“Feel like going to the pub?” he asked me.

My eyes veered to Claire, and my head turned slightly unintentionally. “Um, I guess,” I said, looking back to Ryan.

“Good. Give her something shiny, Claire,” he said, pulling me to stand.

Claire reached behind her and held out her pistol. “Take it,” she shrugged, trying too hard to seem indifferent. “I have seven more at home.”

My first instinct was to ask a dozen questions, but something told me time was an issue. Jared wanted this to be over.

I took a deep breath. “On the bright side, if I die, I don’t have to worry that I didn’t study for the test I have in the morning.”

“You’re not going to die,” Ryan said. “This is just a test run.”

“A test run,” I said, looking at the gun in my hand. “Okay. Let’s see what they’ve got.”

I followed Ryan into the hall, passing Jared along the way. He didn’t meet my eyes, so I grabbed the sleeve of his shirt.

“You don’t exactly exude confidence. Can you just pretend?”

He forced a smile. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Good job,” Ryan said dryly, pulling me behind him.

In Ryan’s truck, we took the short trip to the pub. Every bump, every pot hole, every street light seemed especially big or bright, as if my mind wanted to record every second of my last moments on earth.

The truck slowed to a stop in the parking lot across the street, and I looked out the window to the pub. College co-eds meandered on the sidewalk, congregating in small groups, laughing and chatting without a care in the world. I had seen a few of them in the halls of Brown, and I wondered what they would say when they heard the news and what the news would even be. Would the newspapers call it an accident? A murder? A suicide? I shuddered at thoughts of myself post-mortem. Would demons allow me any dignity or mercy at all?

“Ryan? If it comes down to it, don’t let them take me, okay? I don’t know what things a demon is capable of, but I don’t want to . . . .” I struggled to say it aloud. “Don’t let me suffer, okay? Take care of it. You know what I mean?”

“What?” he said, his nose wrinkling. “You mean you want me to issue a mercy shot before they drag you off to torture you to death?”

I didn’t remember Ryan being so blunt before. Perhaps the desert had taken every bit of sensitivity he had left.

“I don’t want to be alone with those things even for a minute. If they take me, I’m giving you permission.”

“Stop,” Ryan said. “I won’t let anything happen to you, and I know Jared, Claire, and Bex are all watching. You act as if you’ve never been bait before.”

I sighed. “Can’t say that I have. Let’s get this over with.”

Ryan stepped out and then walked around, opening the door. We walked into the pub hand in hand, and Ryan scanned the dozen or so faces, picking a spot on the corner of the bar. He ordered a shot and two beers and then rested his elbows on the dark wood in front of him. The music was blaring, and the loud, variable tones of conversation blurred into one another.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked over the music.

The bartender set our drinks on the bar, and Ryan tossed him a twenty. “I don’t know. I’m just following orders. So far it’s to drink, but not too much where I can’t aim straight or it affects Claire.”

“Aiming’s not going to help,” I grumbled. “Why do you get a shot and I don’t?” I asked.

He threw the liquor down the back of his throat with one bend of the wrist. “Jared said you get one beer.”

“Just one?” I picked at the label on the bottle. “I guess he drinks when I do.”

We didn’t bother to toast to anything. I tried my best to forget that I was terrified and sipped on the bitter, dark liquid until it was gone. Ryan ordered another round, but when the bartender placed a full bottle in front of me, Ryan grabbed it with his other hand, drinking from them both. So much time had passed since I’d had any alcohol at all, just the one round helped to drown out the laughter in the background, which became increasingly annoying as time dragged on.

When Ryan finally stood, I couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief.

“That’s it? We’re done?” I asked.

Ryan shook his head. “No, we’re just starting. Zip up your coat. We’re going for a walk. Once we hit that door, I need Oscar-worthy drunk, giggly college kid on the sidewalk, okay?”

“Well, I’ve never felt so giggly in my life, so this should be a breeze,” I deadpanned.

Ryan pushed open the door, and I hooked my arm in his. We walked a block and then made a turn. After two blocks, we turned in a different direction.

“This is obvious,” I said, noting the dark street.

“Sshh, we’re being followed,” Ryan whispered.

“Goody,” I said, trying to keep my steps in line with his.

Before we reached the corner, two men stepped onto the sidewalk from the alley. Ryan stopped, pushing me behind him.

“Hi there, boys,” Ryan said.

One of the men smiled. “That’s a pretty little girl you got there.”

Ryan was clearly irritated. “Thanks. Tell your boss I’m insulted.”

“And why’s that?” the other man said, amused.

Ryan smiled. “You’re smaller than I expected,” he said, looking up at the ominous man looming over him.

Without warning, Ryan head-butted the first goon. The man stared into Ryan’s eyes, stunned. Blood suddenly streamed from his nose, and then he stumbled back, finally falling to the ground.

The second man pulled his weapon. His small smirk quickly faded when Ryan and I traded glances and then pulled ours. Every nerve in my body was on edge. Instead of fear, I was fighting back a smile. Pointing a gun and being on the offensive were so empowering that I had to work to keep from giggling with excitement.

“He set us up!” the man said, kicking at his partner. He shook as he kept his gun pointed in our direction.

“Get up, Lenny! We got set up!”

“Put your gun on the ground!” Ryan growled. His voice sounded different than what I was used to, no doubt residuary from his tour in Afghanistan.

The man did as Ryan had commanded and then scampered off, pulling his friend with him. I clicked the safety on the pistol in my hand, habit from my lessons with Jared, and then stuffed it into the back of my jeans.

“That was the plan?” I asked.

Ryan put his hands low on his hips, spitting on the ground. “No. That was most definitely not the plan. They were supposed to take you.”

“Take me?”

“Well, not take you, take you. Try to take you, I guess. I really don’t know.”

“That makes me feel a lot better!” I huffed.

Ryan froze when a clicking sound echoed in the alley behind us. Donovan stood just feet away, pressing the barrel of his gun to Ryan’s head.

“So they’re trusting humans to watch their talehs now, are they? I don’t care if you are some sort of hero. I ain’t buyin’ it,” Donovan said, looking around.

I reached for my gun, but a warm hand encircled my wrist. “She’s a brave little pistol, isn’t she?”

If it weren’t for the voice, I would have expected to turn and see Jared standing behind me. The same warm skin, the smell, the blond hair—but his eyes were a lighter blue than Claire’s—almost white. He was so tall I had to take a step back just to get a good look at him.

“Isaac?” I whispered.

He smiled and then smirked at Donovan. “I’m famous.”

“And dead if we don’t get the hell outta here. They wouldn’t leave her alone.”

“Of course not,” Isaac said calmly. “But we’ll play.”

Isaac and Donovan led us down the alley to a waiting car. Isaac wasn’t nearly as gentle as the other celestial beings I’d met. It shouldn’t have surprised me; a hybrid that protected a man who worked for demons had to have been so far detached from his origins and core beliefs. I didn’t dare attempt to let my mind linger on what he was capable of.

After tying our hands behind our backs, Donovan hit Ryan on the head with the butt of his gun, and after a short crack, Ryan fell limp. Isaac slipped a black cover over his head and then tossed him into the back seat of the car. Ryan’s head fell against the door on the other side.

“Don’t!” I said, recoiling.

Isaac smiled and then shoved the same black covering over my head, tenderly helping me to a spot next to Ryan.

“I don’t tolerate violence against women,” Isaac said.

A part of me was relieved, but knowing they meant to kill me, I obsessed about the meaning behind Isaac’s words for the entire trip to our destination.

Still blinded by the fabric over my face, I was pulled out of the car and then escorted up a short flight of stairs. We paused for a moment but quickly continued after the sound of a creaking door.

“More stairs,” Isaac said, patiently waiting for me to find my footing. Our footsteps echoed against a hardwood floor, and then I was seated.

The fabric was lifted from my face. Instinctively, I studied my surroundings. The room was large, and as my eyes scanned over the axes and swords that hung on the walls, absolute horror struck me.

“This is Shax’s building,” I gasped.

“Yes,” Isaac said. “The last place you’ll ever see.”

I swallowed hard. Isaac’s voice was so pleasant, almost maniacal. His soft tone, coupled with the absence of all humanity in his eyes, was beyond frightening.

“Nina?”

I rotated my neck to its limit to see Ryan sitting in a chair directly behind me, his back to mine. “Are you okay, buddy?” I said.

Blood saturated his hair line just above the temple. “Besides my head throbbing so hard my eyeball feels like it’s going to pop out? Peachy.”

He squinted, obviously in pain.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I growled at Donovan.

“That’s the beauty of it.” Donovan smiled.

“Where’s Shax?” I asked.

“Whoa there, cupcake. Don’t be in such a hurry to die,” Donovan said, scribbling something on a notepad sitting on the desk. “He’ll be here soon enough.”

Isaac stood before me and then crouched just a few inches from my face. “I knew Jared as a child. Did he tell you that? I remember the way he spoke of you. Now that I see you,” he said, gently touching my cheek, “I can’t fathom what he sees in you that is so special. You are such a plain little thing.”

“Ow!” I yelped, looking down.

Isaac had dug his thumbnail into my wrist, and blood oozed from the half-moon-shaped gouge.

“Leave her alone!” Ryan said, jerking in his seat.

Isaac licked the crimson liquid from my arm. “I thought maybe it was something I couldn’t see. Merovingian and nothing to set you apart from the rest of them. Very disappointing.”

I lowered my chin and glared up at him. “As you must be to your father. With all of your amazing talents and abilities, you’re nothing but a sellout—a sycophant for the other side.”

Isaac reared his hand and let it fly, back-handing me so hard I fell over onto my side, crashing to the floor in the chair I was tied to.

“You son of a bitch!” Ryan screamed, wildly struggling to get free.

“So much for not tolerating violence.” I groaned.

“That was just a warning,” Isaac said, setting me upright. “I have less tolerance for disrespect.” He slowly leaned in, kissing my forehead.

“Let’s go,” Donovan snapped. “They’ll be here soon.”

Isaac nodded, and then they were gone.

“You okay?” Ryan said, scooting his chair until I was in his line of sight.

“I’m not going to lie. That hurt.”

Ryan leaned in, inspecting the bump quickly rising above my eyebrow. “Jared’s going to be pissed.”

“I’m sure he already is.”

“They should be here by now. Something’s wrong. Jared said if they weren’t here within a few minutes that I should get you out of here.”

I looked around. “We can’t leave. There’s a safe behind that desk in the wall. The book is in there.”

“How do you know?”

Ryan’s wrists and feet were tied to his chair like mine, and he pulled and twisted his arms, ineffectively attempting to escape.

“Jack told me. We have to get into that safe.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Did Jack tell you how to do that if you’re tied to a chair? Because I got nothing.”

I sighed. “Didn’t the Special Forces teach you anything?”

Ryan smiled. “Yeah. Keep a knife with you at all times.” He wiggled his right leg. “In my boot.”

The chairs complained against the wood as we positioned ourselves so that I could reach the knife. After several minutes of grunting and groaning, I finally felt the handle.

“I think . . .” I grunted again, straining against the tight restraints. “I think I’ve got it!” I said, grasping the hard plastic between my fingers.

“Don’t drop it,” Ryan said too late, watching the knife fall from my fingers to the ground.

“Crap,” I huffed, blowing my bangs from my face.

“Okay,” Ryan said, taking a deep breath. He jerked to the side until his chair tipped over and then maneuvered his body until his hand was within inches of the knife. “Nothing’s ever easy when I’m around you, Grey.”

“Shut up,” I said, un-amused.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Claire said. She stood in front of the half-open windowsill, arms crossed, with her hot pink duffel bag over her shoulder.

A wide grin erupted across Ryan’s face. “Better late than never, gorgeous.”

“Shut up,” Claire said.

“Wow, I’m getting it from every angle,” Ryan said, letting his entire body relax and fall against the floor in protest.

“Where’s Jared?” I asked.

“Behind me. We don’t have much time,” Claire explained, tearing the cloth around my wrists and feet with a flick of her finger.

“I’m on the floor, bleeding, and you save her first? I’m hurt,” Ryan said to Claire.

Claire freed him and then lifted Ryan to his feet. She pushed back his head to inspect his wound, overly rough. “You’ll live.”

Ryan winced. “Thanks, honey, I love you too.”

I walked over to the window, searching through the dark for Jared. “I thought you said he was behind you.”

Claire chomped on the large wad of gum in her mouth. “He had to calm down. When he sees that knot on your head and that hand print on your cheek, he’s going to freak out all over again. Back up.”

I took a step back, and Bex appeared in the window, barely making an effort as he pulled himself through. “You smell like beer,” he grimaced.

“Nice to see you too,” I frowned.

“Where’s the safe?” Bex asked.

“Where is Jared?” I said with an impatient tone.

“Right here, sweetheart,” Jared said, crawling into the window behind Bex. “I’m right here.” I didn’t wait for him to crawl all the way into the room before I grabbed him. After a few awkward maneuvers to stand while encapsulated in my arms, he kissed my forehead and then inspected the remnants of my brush with Isaac. His jaws fluttered under his skin. “I’m going to enjoy killing him.”

“The safe!” Bex said.

“Behind the desk,” I said, pulling Jared with me. “It’s there.” I pointed.

“But,” Claire said, bending down to touch the wall. “It’s just wall.”

Bex twitched and then closed his eyes. “They’re coming.”

Claire ran her hands over the drab paint. “I don’t feel anything.” She knocked. “It doesn’t sound as if anything’s back there.”

“Are you sure? Maybe we’re in the wrong room?” Ryan said.

I looked around, seeing the same paintings on the wall. “No, I’m sure. I’ve seen this a million times; the safe is right there.”

Bex looked to Jared. “We have two minutes.”

Jared sighed. “Claire? Move.”

Claire obeyed, and Jared rammed the wall with his fist, pulling back broken sheet rock. Claire helped him, and within seconds, the entire panel was open, revealing the safe, three feet inside the wall.

Thousands of dust motes flurried in the air.

“That explains why you always saw them waist-deep in the wall,” Jared said.

Claire held up her hand. “Quiet.” She leaned her ear close to the safe and then moved the dial back and forth, nodding intermittently. Within moments, the safe clicked open. Claire seemed stunned. “That was too easy. It’s rigged with explosives or something.”

Jared shook his head. “I don’t smell anything, do you?”

“No,” she said.

“Shax is notoriously pretentious, Claire,” Jared said. “I’m not surprised.”

She stood. “This whole thing is too easy. They take our bait, sit Ryan and Nina in the room with the safe, knowing we would come after them, and then leave?”

Bex pulled out the book. “Got it!”

“Make sure it’s the real thing,” I said.

Bex flipped through the pages. “It’s real, all right.”

Jared grabbed my hand. “They left because Shax is bringing his legions to end us, Claire. They wanted us to come here and give them a reason to take us all out. Heaven can’t step in if we provoke them.”

Bex took a few steps toward the door, his head jerking in every direction. “Legions is right. I think the whole of Hell is coming. We should leave. Now.”

“The roof!” I said. “They always used the roof!”

“Who did?” Ryan asked.

“We don’t want to repeat what Jack and Gabe did, Nina. That leads to the same end,” Claire said, looking out the window, planning an escape.

“Maybe not,” Jared said, looking up. “Maybe she had the dreams to show us how to get out.”

“Fine,” Claire said, grabbing the book from Bex.

Screeching from below echoed throughout the halls, turning my blood cold.

Ryan’s eyes darted in every direction. “Is that . . . ?”

“Yes. Let’s go,” Claire said, shoving the book into her hot pink duffel bag. “Bex?”

Bex nodded, running across the room and diving out the window.

Ryan’s expression was a mixture of disgust and alarm. “It sounds like a dying animal—a thousand dying animals.”

Claire pulled her sidearm from its holster. “You should hear one when you send it back to Hell.” She gestured to me. “Show us the way, Nina.”

The howls and screams of Shax’s minions grew louder. Jared turned to me, cupping his hands on each side of my face.

“This is it, isn’t it?” I said.

Jared looked deep into my eyes, as if he wanted to pass the truth through them instead of just saying the words. But he said them, anyway. “I won’t let them touch you.”

“I’m afraid,” I said, shaking. The fear was so intense I felt powerless to control my own body. As the screeching grew closer, it became a physical effort to avoid slipping into a full-blown panic. I looked to Ryan. “Remember what we talked about.”

Ryan nodded once. “I remember.”

I grabbed Jared’s hand, and we fled, climbing the staircase and then sprinting down the hall.

“This way!” I yelled. I stopped in front of a closed door at the end of the hallway. It was pointless to whisper, with the deafening shriek of the demons filling the air. I pulled on the knob, but it was locked. Jared moved me aside and then landed a lethal blow with his foot. The door swung open and hit the concrete wall, wooden pieces splintering and then falling to the ground.

“Come on,” he said, pulling me up the crumbling staircase.

On the roof, the wind mercilessly whipped all around us, and the night sky crowded even the brightest lights below.

Jared ran to the edge. “Which building?”

I lifted my chin in the right direction. “That one.”

Ryan frowned at Claire, unsure. “You’re going to jump the length of a football field?”

She smiled. “Yes. And you’re coming with me.”

Ryan shook his head. “I’ll take the fire escape.”

I grabbed his coat and then pushed him into Claire’s arms. “Thousands of those things are going to swarm this roof in about seven seconds. You won’t make it to the landing.”

Jared wrapped his arms around my waist and then took three long strides, grunting when he leaped from the edge. My fingers locked around his neck. I didn’t dare look down, afraid the second I realized we were doing something impossible his powers would fade and we would fall five stories to the ground.

He made the same grunting noise to land as he did when we departed, but the landing was not as rough as I had anticipated.

I could hear Ryan’s yells somewhere between our building and Shax’s. His voice grew louder as they approached, and when Claire’s feet hit the ground just ten feet away, she let him go.

He fell to the ground, rolling onto his back. “Let’s never ever do that again.” Ryan puffed.

Claire grabbed his hand and yanked him to his feet. “Don’t be a baby.” She grinned, pulling him to the roof access.

After two flights of stairs, my lungs begged for air, but the adrenaline surging through my body made my legs feel they could go on forever.

Jared stopped and looked above us. A second later, a loud crash sounded on the roof, followed by the sounds only demons on the hunt could make.

“We’re not going to make it,” Jared said, looking to me and then to Claire. “Take Nina and Ryan out.”

“No!” I said, gripping his arm.

“There are too many, Jared!” Claire said. “Half of them will slip past you.”

They both looked to Ryan, and then Jared grabbed Ryan’s coat with both fists. “Get Nina out of here. Get her to the alley.” Ryan looked at Claire, and Jared jerked him again, demanding his full attention. “Get Nina out! We’ll hold them off.”

Jared pushed Ryan back, pulling two Glocks from their holsters. Claire threw the duffel bag to me. “Make sure he doesn’t get himself killed, all right?”

“Okay,” I said, tugging on Ryan’s coat.

We descended the stairs, leaving the Ryels behind. Ryan didn’t take his eyes off Claire until she was out of sight, and then he focused, taking two steps at a time.

The screeching grew louder, more excited, and then the gunfire began.

Ryan stopped, held his pistol to his chest, and then slammed his back to the wall. “Shit!”

“We can’t stay here! We have to go, Ryan. We have to go!” I pleaded, tugging on him with each word.

“I can’t leave her,” he said, looking up.

“The only way you can help her now is to stay alive!” I said, emphasizing each word.

He closed his eyes tightly and then grabbed my arm, pulling me down the last two flights of stairs.

“This is the door to the alley!” I said, pointing.

Ryan tugged on the handle a few times. When it wouldn’t open, he aimed his gun, shooting a few rounds into the handle. I looked away, protecting my eyes from splinters flying in every direction.

Ryan rammed his shoulder into the door, forcing it open. I ran out into the alley, struggling for breath. The darkness outside was so quiet, as if we had entered a new world. The normal sounds of Providence were all around us: car horns in the distance, motorcycle engines revving as they pulled away from a stop light, the last bit of rain water falling into the gutters—it was as if I were caught in one of my dreams.

“Wake up,” I whispered, closing my eyes. I focused on my bed and Jared’s warm body next to mine. I opened my eyes, but the same scene was before me. I shut my eyes tighter this time. “Wake up!” I screamed.

Ryan gripped my shoulders, startling me. “It’s not a dream this time, buddy. We need to move!”

Something dark and swift caught the corner of my eye. Not smoke, and not a shadow, but thicker than the night air.

“What the hell is that?” Ryan yelled, shooting once. The bullet ricocheted off the brick of the building.

“Watch out!” I screamed as the cloud rose above both of us, positioned to attack.

Ryan shoved me out of the way, and I landed hard on my knees and hands. His body flew backward, hitting the building on the other side of the alley, and he then fell the fifteen feet to the ground.

“Run, Nina!” Ryan said, stunned.

I scrambled to my feet, but before running off alone, I hesitated. Ryan was human, and I promised Claire to keep him safe. The blackness focused on me, and Ryan shot another round to return its attention to him.

“RUN!” he yelled, shooting again. The invisible enemy dragged him back into the building by one foot, and he held his gun in front of him, shooting at what he couldn’t see.

Everything inside me wanted to stay, to try to help somehow, but I held the duffel bag close and dashed down the alley, into the street. Tears filled my eyes, blurring my vision, finally spilling over my cold cheeks.

Another alley was ahead, dark and forbidding, but it seemed the right way to go, so I kept running.

When my lungs couldn’t take in enough air, I stopped, hunched over and puffing. Whatever it was that had Ryan couldn’t be far behind, so I leaned against the back entrance of the building, working up enough courage to move. A bus stop was just a half block away.

“Take a step, Nina,” I said to myself, willing courage to move my feet. “It’s right there,” I breathed, “Go!”

The door opened, causing me to lose my balance and fall back. Something grabbed me from behind, wrenching me inside with so much force that my hands, legs, and head all fell behind, jutting straight out in front me.

“Shhh!” Bex said, covering my screams with his hand.

More tears streamed down my face, and I threw my arms around his neck, sobbing with uncontrolled relief.

He held me at bay, searching my eyes. “Where is everyone else?”

I shook my head. “I don’t . . . I don’t know,” I choked out.

“The book?”

I held up the duffel bag.

“Okay,” he said, hugging me to him. “Okay, let’s get you out of here.”

He led me to his Ducati, which was parked around the corner, and we sped off, fishtailing down the street. As Bex took roads that would lead us to Woonsocket, I fantasized that Jared, Claire, and Ryan would be at St. Anne’s waiting for us.

I replayed what happened over in my mind, wondering if I could have done something different or if I should have tried to help Ryan. Risking his life—and ultimately Claire’s life—to steal a book that would save me was the epitome of selfishness, until I remembered that it would spare Jared as well. Even knowing that, I wasn’t sure I’d made the right choice. Even if I were part of some kind of prophecy, our lives weren’t any more valuable than Ryan’s or Claire’s.

Father Francis held open the door, waving for us to come inside.

“Are they here?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

The priest closed the door and then shook his head sadly. “Not yet. You have it?”

“I do. It’s here,” I said, opening the duffel bag. I handed the leather-bound book to Father Francis, and he held it gingerly, as if he were holding a bomb.

He retreated to the front of the cathedral, sitting on the first pew. “The Naissance de Demoniac of Shax the Duke,” he whispered. He completed the sign of the cross and then prayed over the book.

Bex closed his eyes and then smiled. “They didn’t like that.”

18. The Mistake

It was my turn to pace.

Father Francis and Bex poured over the pages, searching for something to present to Jared upon his arrival. But it had been almost an hour, and we were still the only ones who had made it to the church.

Every parishioner who entered the large, wooden door was politely turned away by Father Francis. It was harder for me to be polite, because each time the door opened, my heart stopped.

After my hopes had been dashed for the sixth time, anger took over. An older woman pushed her way through the door, only to be startled by the sight of me charging down the aisle. “Can’t you see the sign? The church is closed!”

The woman scrambled to reach the door handle to escape.

“We need a bigger sign,” I said, crossing my arms.

“Patience, child,” Father Francis said, approaching me with a look of understanding. “He will come.”

“When?” I said emphatically. “He should be here by now. I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Father Francis gently guided me back to my pew, patting my shoulder. “Faith is what you need.”

“I used to have faith. It’s hard when everyone tells you that your death is inevitable.”

“Death is inevitable for us all,” the priest said.

Bex looked up, his eyes narrowing.

“What?” I asked. “Is it Shax?”

“No,” Bex said, his eyes fluttering. “They’ve been crowding us since we got here, but they are,” he opened his eyes, “all gone.”

“But why?” I said, incredulous. The theme of the night had been that Shax had let us get away with his precious book far too easily. Their retreat only set me on edge, wondering when he would decide to put up a real fight.

Suddenly the door opened, cracking against the wall. Bex stood up, pulling me with him, using his body as a shield.

“You got a bathroom, Father?” Kim asked.

Father Francis scurried down the aisle, shutting the door behind Kim. “Of course, child, just through there,” he gestured.

“Not funny,” Bex said, frowning at her as she walked past.

“What?” Kim said, oblivious. “Just because you’re being chased by hundreds of demons, a girl can’t pee?”

Bex just shook his head, laughing once, absent of humor.

I collapsed into the pew, exhausted. “Something’s wrong. They should be here by now.”

Bex glanced at me and then turned a page of the book, choosing to ignore my words.

“I should have helped him. Ryan was dragged to his death, and I just ran away,” I said, feeling the sting of salty tears well up in my eyes.

“I’m trying to read,” Bex grumbled.

A door slammed down the hall, and then Kim’s loud footsteps announced her arrival before she came into view.

“Oh, geez. Are you crying?” she asked. “And where is everyone? They go out for ice cream or what?”

I dried my tear-stained cheeks with my sleeve. “Jared and Claire stayed behind to give me and Ryan time to get out. When we got to the alley, something took Ryan.”

“Something?” Kim said, as her eyebrows rose. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. I couldn’t see it. It was kind of like a shadow, but it was more. . . .” I trailed off, unable to find the appropriate word to describe it.

“Shadowy?” Kim said, unimpressed.

I rolled my eyes. “Not everything’s a joke, Kim. Ryan’s dead.”

“No, he’s not,” she replied, confident.

Her words piqued my attention. “Why do you say that? Have you heard something? Do you know where they are?”

Kim nodded to the door. “He looks like crap, but he’s right there.”

I turned, gripping the top of the pew. Ryan, Claire, and Jared all stood near the entrance: dirty, blood-stained, and badly beaten. Before I registered that I was moving, my legs were carrying me down the aisle at full speed, and I crashed into Jared’s chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and sighed with relief.

“Easy,” Jared smiled, returning my repeated kisses as best he could. He kept his weight on one leg, and his pants were torn.

“What happened?” I said, crouching down to get a better look.

“We won,” Claire said with a tired smile.

Ryan limped slowly down the aisle, his arm around Claire. Blood trickled from the outside of his eyebrow, and he was favoring his bad shoulder. They settled into a pew behind Bex, and Father Francis scurried away, waving back at them.

“I’ll get the first aid kit!” he called to them as he disappeared down a dark hallway.

Jared smiled down at me. “We did it.”

I leaned up on the balls of my feet to touch his lips to mine. Jared’s words were empty. Winning that small battle was only part of the war we had just started.

Jared led me down the aisle, sitting beside me in the pew behind Ryan and Claire.

Ryan leaned back, holding a folded piece of fabric against his eye. “Next time we get into it with Hell, I get dibs on Mr. Puff.”

Claire smiled, licking her split lip. “Your effort was impressive, even if that thing did hang you in the air by your ankle and use you to open two doors and make you scream like a girl.”

“I didn’t scream like a girl,” Ryan protested.

“Maybe I was just hoping you would.” She grinned.

“Thanks,” he said, reaching out to touch her dirty face. His thumb gently grazed her cheek. “Again.”

Claire’s eyes met his for a moment, and then she pulled away. “Just get used to it. You don’t need to thank me every time I save your stupid ass.”

Ryan nodded and then relaxed against the pew.

I watched Claire for a moment, as she desperately attempted to feign indifference. I could recall that expression well; Jared used it many times in the beginning. Unfortunately for Claire, Ryan was far more confident than I was stubborn, and he was certain she would come around.

My eyes settled on Jared’s beautiful, dirty face. His eyes were tired, but bright blue, excited, and amazed that we had the book and our lives. Seeing his expression only made it more real that he didn’t expect any of us to make it to the church alive—a fact that, to me, was more unsettling than relief.

“Did you find anything?” Jared asked Bex.

Bex handed Jared the book. “Not yet. It keeps talking about the birth, the birth, over and over. How it disturbs the balance and how Hell will stop it and prevail.”

Jared flipped through the pages, increasingly frustrated with each one. “Every prophecy has a loophole. That is why the Nephilim were created, to try and stop the bloodline from King David to Jesus.” He slammed the book shut. “What did Father Francis say?”

Bex’s eyes shifted toward me for just a moment, and then he shook his head, looking down. “He doesn’t see anything either. But we’ve only looked at it once. We could have missed something.”

“You know my vote,” Claire said.

“Which is . . .?” Ryan said. His eyes remained closed.

Kim stood and stretched. “Jared, I know you want to find something, but we had a deal.”

“I know,” Jared growled.

I touched his arm. “What is Kim talking about?”

Jared didn’t look up from the pages. “The promise I made her. If she helped us get back the book, then we would go with her to Jerusalem to return it to the Holy Sepulchre to set her family free.”

I couldn’t argue, but Jared had just begun to look it over. Kim was being uncharacteristically impatient.

“What’s the rush?” I asked.

Kim waited for Jared to answer, but when he stayed focused on the book, she sighed. “Shax holds my family responsible. He’ll retaliate.”

Claire laughed once. “He’ll do that anyway when you return it and it’s out of his reach. Your family’s held him off this long. You can wait a few hours, Kim.”

“You don’t get it,” Kim said.

“Just let him read the damn book,” Ryan groaned.

Questions formed in my mind, and I swallowed, always hesitant to get the answer. No matter what she might say, at that point I couldn’t afford not to understand anything. The days of keeping me in the dark were over. “What doesn’t Claire get, Kim?”

After a short pause, Kim took a breath. “I’m not there,” she said in a low tone. “I’ve always been twenty minutes away; Shax knew that. He could have sent an entire legion to my father’s house, and within minutes I would be there, and they would have to leave. We need to get on a plane, return the book, and then I need to get home before Shax realizes what we’ve done. Right now he just thinks you’re looking for a loophole to the prophecy. He has no idea he’s about to lose the book forever.”

Claire put her elbow on the back edge of the pew and rested her head on her hand. “You don’t think Jared finding a loophole to the prophecy is more concerning to Shax than losing the book?”

“No,” Kim said, matter-of-factly.

“And why’s that?” Claire snapped back.

Quiet overcame the group, until Jared closed the book with a clap. “Because there is no loophole.”

I smiled hopefully. “Stop it, Jared. You haven’t even read the whole thing yet.”

“I just did,” he said, his eyes focused on the black seal that branded the cover. “They aren’t going to stop until they prevent the birth of our child.”

Kim sat beside me, lowering her chin. “This entire cat-and-mouse Jared’s been engaged in has been a game to Shax. The fact that Ryan is still alive should tell you he’s just toying with all of us.”

I shook my head. “If that were true, why the dreams? Why did Jack and Gabe push us to get the book?”

Jared stood. “Because they knew that is exactly what I would do, and the dreams were their way of helping us complete a fool’s errand alive.”

“No,” I said, standing next to him. “I don’t believe that. If that were true, they would tell me to stay away from the book, not how to get it. Gabe wouldn’t have helped my father if it was pointless.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Jared said. “Maybe we need a little more time with it.”

“Jared?” Bex said.

Kim held up her hand in frustration. “Shax is a Duke of Hell, Jared. You pretty much walked into his house and slapped him, and he let you just walk out? Do you really think that’s how it works?”

Ryan pulled the fabric from his eye, revealing a deep, bloody gash. “We didn’t just walk out, Kim. Trust me. They put up a fight. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life, and I hope I never do again.”

“Jared,” Bex said again.

Jared frowned at Bex and then returned his attention to Kim. “Nina is your friend. Are you telling me you’re not willing to wait for us to figure this out before we take it somewhere that we can never get it back?”

“She is my friend, but this is my family we’re talking about. We’ve been dealing with this for lifetimes. It’s time to end it. It’s time the Pollocks are free of it.”

Jared looked down at the book in his hands and then back to Kim, his expression stern. “I understand your plight, but you’re not getting this back until I’m satisfied there’s nothing in it that can help Nina,” Jared said, shoving it under his arm.

Kim took a step forward. “We had a deal.”

“I haven’t forgotten that,” Jared answered.

Father Francis came in with the first aid kit, taking quick steps. “I’m afraid it wasn’t where I thought it would be. . . .”

“Jared!” Bex yelled. “They’re coming!”

“Oh my God,” Kim whispered, her eyes slowly rising to the ceiling.

A deafening boom surrounded St. Anne’s. Every window burst inward, covering the ground with shards of colored glass. Jared took me to the floor, covering me with his body.

Even after the explosion, it sounded as if a tornado were hovering above the church.

“Not in the House of the Lord!” Father Francis yelled over the noise, his arms extended to the sky.

The priest was lifted high in the air by an invisible assailant, his legs kicking until he was blown back, smashing into the beautiful mural high above the stage. Pieces of the painting came down with him when he fell to the floor.

Bex rolled into the aisle and then took off toward the priest, so fast his body was a blur. He took Father Francis, limp and lifeless, into his arms.

The wind rushing through the broken windows blew Bex’s platinum hair wildly as he felt for a pulse on the priest’s neck.

“He’s alive!” Bex called.

Another explosion shook the building, and pieces of the ceiling fell in large chunks onto the pews, sending sheet rock and plaster into the air.

“We have to move!” Jared yelled, pulling me to my feet.

The large wooden door blew open, forcing another strong pulse of wind across the room. Had Jared not kept his arms around me, I would have fallen over.

I held my hand to my face to shield it from the blast. When I lowered it, Shax was standing in the doorway.

He wore an all-black suit, shirt and tie, matching his cold, obsidian eyes. A small smirk was on his face. He was finally ready to fight.

Jared stood his ground, positioned in front of me. Claire stood on the other side, guarding her taleh.

Shax looked to each side of the church in dramatic fashion. “Where is your Samuel now, Jared?”

“He’s around,” Jared said, his body rigid.

“I’m afraid you’ve made yet another mistake, and Heaven won’t intervene this time.”

Two shadows, which had been lurking behind Shax, came into view under the dim light of the church. Isaac and Donovan stood on each side of their demonic master, their expressions anxious and ready. They had come to murder us all.

Jared shifted. “Isaac, listen to me. You don’t have to do this.”

“Shut up,” Donovan said.

“I don’t want you to die,” Jared continued, “but if he comes near her, I’ll kill him.”

Isaac smiled. “Not if I kill her first. And I will.”

“You’re outnumbered,” Claire said, her small yet frightening voice somehow carrying across the room.

Shax grinned, and the long clawed hands and feet of the night filtered into the room, covering the walls and ceiling. I looked above me, seeing grotesquely malformed bodies of demonic minions scale the crumbling rafters.

The smell of burnt flesh and sulfur was overwhelming, and I could feel bile rise in my throat. Shax’s servants weren’t screeching this time but making strange, excited, cooing and whistling noises, waiting for the order to attack.

“Give me the book,” Shax hissed.

“No,” Jared said, tossing the leather bound pages to Kim.

“I dare you to come and get it.” Kim smiled.

Shax slowly turned his head to Isaac, and then Isaac’s smirk turned into a satisfied grin. He pushed the far pew with both hands, slamming it into the pew before it, creating a domino effect. As the heavy benches toppled over and blew forward with the speed of a freight train, Jared and Claire reacted, jumping to the other side with Ryan and me in tow.

Kim simply sidestepped to the center aisle, remaining calm as thousands of pounds of wood roared by, narrowly missing her body.

“You’re going to have to do better than that,” Kim said.

Isaac leaped the hundred yards to Kim’s position and then wrapped a hand around her throat, lifting her off the ground. “I’m not a demon. You can’t control me.”

With a grunt, Isaac threw Kim back, but Bex moved quickly, catching her before she collided with the podium. The demons concentrated in the area closest to Kim scattered, afraid of being too close.

Bex looked Kim in the eyes, and after she acknowledged that she was okay, he scrambled to his feet, taking off full speed, slamming into Isaac. When they collided, a loud crack echoed throughout the cathedral.

My human eyes couldn’t make out who was hitting whom, until Bex hit Isaac so hard that his body sailed across the air and he landed in the exact spot he started, next to Shax.

“It’s like people tennis,” Ryan said, in awe. “Everyone keeps flying across the room.”

Isaac wasn’t about to quit. He engaged Bex again, but this time Isaac got the upper hand. Bex was on the ground, and after the second time Isaac landed a blow that would have been fatal to a human, Jared’s arm tensed.

“Do something!” I said.

“I can’t leave you,” he said. “If I take my attention off you for a second, they’ll attack.”

Donovan walked down the center aisle with purpose, dodging the falling chunks of ceiling. Claire pulled out her firearm, aiming right at his face. Isaac’s attention was distracted, then, and Bex head-butted Isaac and then threw him against Donovan. They both slid across the floor.

Isaac stood, pulled out his gun, and aimed directly at Ryan.

“No!” Claire said, throwing herself in front of him.

Ryan and Claire were face-to-face when Isaac’s gun discharged. Claire’s body jerked twice as it was hit, and Ryan’s horrified expression matched hers.

Stunned, Claire looked down and then turned to Jared. “They went through me.”

Claire and Ryan fell to their knees at the same time, and Jared rushed to his sister’s side. He pulled me with him, and I fell to my knees just behind him.

Ryan’s head fell back, and he coughed, blood spraying up and spattering across his cheek.

“Oh, God, no!” Jared cried, pulling off his shirt and wadding it up, pressing it against Ryan’s wounds.

Isaac’s maniacal laugh seemed to be all around us. “I always wanted to see that smug smile wiped off your face, Claire.”

Bex glanced at the bloody scene and then focused on Isaac, his hands balled into fists at his sides. He lowered his chin, then, and his expression morphed into something one might see from a demon rather than an angel.

Claire looked up at her brother, expressionless. “End this.”

Horrified, I watched Claire tend to Ryan’s wounds, but within moments, Jared pulled me to my feet.

He took my hand in one of his and then pulled out his side arm with the other. He pointed it directly at Isaac, shooting one round after another, walking toward him as he fired, forcing me to follow.

Isaac jerked with each hit, stumbling backward. “You son of a bitch!” Jared screamed. His eyebrows and lips pulled in so tightly the skin around them was white.

“Jared!” Bex cried, but it was too late.

Donovan had his gun to Jared’s temple. “I suppose it’ll take you a while to heal from this one,” Donovan said.

An abrupt blast resounded in the room, and Donovan fell to his knees, finally falling over, succumbing to the bullet hole I had just shot into his brain.

“Shawn!” Isaac said, struggling to reach his taleh.

It was too late for both of them. Shawn Donovan’s life had already spilled onto the floor.

Isaac fell back, already feeling a weakness in his body.

Jared’s eyes were wide as he processed what had just happened. “You killed him,” he said softly, looking at me.

“He was pointing a gun at your head,” I explained.

Jared laughed once, momentarily forgetting that we were still surrounded by the enemy.

A quick wind passed by, and Bex and Shax were suddenly in a ball. The sounds coming from their scuffle were horrific. Distracted, Shax lost his control on the demons clustered on the walls and ceiling, and they began descending from their position and swarming around us.

“Run to Kim!” Jared said, pushing me in her direction.

The hundred yards down the aisle to where she was protecting the book seemed a mile away, but I took off without hesitation.

Seeing my pitiful effort to run to her, Kim scrambled to her feet, sprinting down the aisle to meet me. I turned, seeing Jared and Bex attacking Shax and recognizing that his minions were quickly crawling to the floor in endless numbers. Adrenaline kicked in, and my feet moved faster, desperate to reach Kim before the demons caught me.

“Run, Nina!” Kim screamed. The horror on her face told me that in moments I would be crushed and torn apart by the Hell so closely pursuing my flesh.

Their screeches were almost on top of me when Kim’s long arms reached out, encompassing my body as she brought me to the ground. I curled into a ball, and Kim wrapped her body around me. I could feel her being nudged forward over and over as the demons tried to knock her away with their sheer numbers. The wailing of the minions experiencing what Kim was capable of was deafening, but the individual howling resounding farther away was most definitely the sound of Shax losing his fight with Jared and Bex.

I covered my ears. The frightening medley of violence and pain was too much to bear.

And then it was quiet.

19. Waiting

I peeked out from under Kim’s arms, seeing Jared and Bex slowly making their way down the aisle. Kim helped me to stand, and Jared wasted no time pulling me into his arms. His hands were trembling, and he was uncharacteristically shaken.

“Are you okay?” Jared asked, evaluating every inch of me for any signs of trauma.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I said, shivering as the adrenaline soaked back into my system.

Bex carried Ryan in his arms, leaping and maneuvering around the ruins of St. Anne’s to the entrance.

With the inordinate level of noise just moments before, the night seemed eerily quiet. The crumbling concrete, wood, and sheet rock grated against each other under my feet with every step. Those tiniest sounds echoed, even though the church seemed to be torn open and vulnerable, a contrast to the silence outside.

“We’re going,” Claire said. Her voice was distant and emotionless.

“Right behind you,” Jared said. He led me quickly out of St. Anne’s by the hand.

I turned to take one last look at the rubble, and saw Kim help Father Francis to his feet. She threw his arm over her shoulders, hobbling along herself beside him as they followed us to the Escalade.

Time passed in slow motion. Although everyone was desperate to get Ryan to the hospital, the distance to Jared’s SUV seemed like miles, and getting everyone, bruised and bleeding, settled into their seats was a slow, frustrating process.

Claire rode with Ryan in the hatch, holding his head in her lap as he was nearly sprawled out. She seemed lost as she held pressure on his wounds, watching his face intently.

Bex sat in the back seat with Kim and the priest, but his focus was on Claire. He reached back, gripping his sister’s shoulder. Bex’s expression was heartbreaking, as the worries in his mind played out across his face.

“The closest hospital, Father,” Jared said.

“Landmark Medical Center. Two minutes away. Stay on this street and then turn left on Cass Avenue.”

Jared blew through the stoplight and then weaved in and out of traffic, making a hard right turn into the hospital’s ambulance bay.

“We need help here!” Jared yelled, jumping out of the driver’s side.

I ran to the back, watching Jared open the hatch. Bex helped the priest into the emergency room, and Claire let Jared place Ryan on a gurney.

Jared was gentle, as if it were Claire he was holding. A small cry escaped my throat, drawing Jared’s attention away for just a moment. His eyes were dark, and suddenly, I felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu—but more of an out-of-body experience. Watching Jared and Claire hover over Ryan’s limp body was like seeing my last trip to the hospital from a different, more real perspective. It was cruel for both of them to have to suffer through it again.

Ryan was pale, but he had stopped coughing up blood. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

He managed a weak smile for Claire. “How about a kiss just in case?” he said; his words were broken and hoarse.

Claire tenderly touched his forehead. “I’ll tell you what, cowboy. You come out of this alive, and I’ll kiss you.”

“You promise?” he said.

“I promise,” Claire said, letting go of his hand. A frown barely touched her face before she turned around. “He’s going to be fine.”

“He is,” Jared said, nodding.

Claire took a deep breath and nodded back, A million thoughts and worries scrolled in her eyes.

The minutes ticked by, and as more time passed, Claire grew increasingly restless. It was difficult to watch. I could only imagine the same scene, in the not-to-distant past, when Jared was pacing the floors waiting to hear news about me.

Jared opened his phone and pecked out a few numbers.

“Don’t call Mom,” Claire said.

Bex touched Claire’s back for a brief moment. “Claire. She’ll want to be here.”

Claire shook her head. “Not yet.”

We congregated in the emergency department’s waiting room. Jared sat on the sofa next to me, Kim kept to herself, alone in a chair, and Claire stood with Bex in the corner. No one spoke; further discussion was unnecessary. We were waiting for someone to tell us if they had saved Ryan or if Claire would die.

Claire kept her eyes closed, concentrating on everything she felt from Ryan. Her clothes were ripped and filthy, and her platinum ponytail had given up holding her hair in place hours ago. Once in a while she would twitch, and I wondered if she could sense when they used the scalpel, or if it was difficult while he was under anesthesia to sense anything at all. Jared would have answered my questions, but it was hardly the time.

The tension in the room was unbearable, but the waiting was worse.

I watched the faces of the people walking by. Some noticed our ragtag group, some didn’t. Glancing around the room, passersby would no doubt wonder if we’d been in some sort of large accident. The news of the wreckage that was once St. Anne’s would soon spread, and I worried that the hospital would be crawling with police officers soon.

The random thought occurred to me that those staring had no idea that the pretty platinum blonde they couldn’t help but notice could be dead in the next forty-eight hours. Claire was the strongest, most amazing woman I had ever met, and she looked so helpless in that moment—so hopeless.

Finally, she broke the silence. “That’s it,” she snapped, stomping her way to the door.

Bex stopped her. “Whoa. Where do you think you’re going?”

Claire shoved at her brother, fighting to get free. “I can help him. I have to do something; I can’t just sit here!”

Bex grabbed her face, cupping her cherubic cheeks in his hands. “They won’t let you in there, and if force your way in, you’ll just distract them from what they should be concentrating on.”

Claire slammed the side of her fist into Bex’s chest. “Let me go!”

Bex maneuvered his hands to get a better grip on Claire’s arms, but she stopped struggling. Her eyes grew wide with fear.

“He’s fading. They’re losing him,” she said, her voice sad and frightened.

Claire’s body bent backward, stiff and unnatural.

I stood, cupping my hands over my mouth. “What’s happening?” I cried.

Jared stood with me, restraining me with his hands on my shoulders as Bex cradled his sister and then helped her to the ground.

Claire relaxed and then stiffened again.

“Help her! She’s having a seizure!” I said.

Jared turned my head, refusing to let me witness Claire’s body writhing on the floor. “No, she’s not. They’re shocking him with a defibrillator.”

“What?” I said, pulling away from him.

Claire lay in Bex’s arms, limp. “He’s dying,” she whispered, a single tear falling from the corner of her eye, down her temple, into her ear. Her eyes were nearly vacant, fixed on the ceiling.

“No,” Bex said. He closed his eyes. “Don’t take her,” he said softly. “Please don’t take her too.”

A sob escaped my throat, and I buried my face in Jared’s chest. “They can’t do this to us,” I said. I pushed away from him then, raising my fists to the ceiling in a rage. “You can’t do this to us! We are the good guys, and this is what we get? How dare you! How! Dare! You!”

“Nina,” Jared said.

“It’s not fair!” I screamed.

Jared enveloped me in his arms and kissed my hair. His fingers pressed into my skin, and I suddenly felt guilty, knowing Jared was suffering the agony of losing his baby sister and then feeling my sorrow as well.

“I’m sorry,” I said, holding him tightly. I took a breath and focused on numbing all of my emotions.

“Don’t do that,” Jared said, sensing my efforts. “You don’t have to do that,” he whispered.

“I don’t want you to hurt any more than you already are,” I said, tears spilling down my cheeks.

“Claire?” Bex said in a strange tone.

I closed my eyes, terrified to peek out from Jared’s arms to see Claire’s lifeless body. There was still so much I didn’t know about hybrids and the curse. Jared had prayed for Gabriel to take him quickly; maybe Samuel had taken mercy on her and couldn’t bear to see her suffer.

“Nina,” Jared said, nudging me. “Look.”

Claire sat straight up, looking herself over, and then stared at the doorway. She didn’t speak; she just waited. Finally, a nurse walked in, slightly confused by the spectacle on the floor.

“Er, we just stabilized Ryan. We had to remove his spleen to stop the bleeding, but he’s a fighter. I’ll come back when we know more.”

I looked up to the ceiling, stunned. “Um, I’m sorry. Th-Thank you.”

Out of the corner of my eye, a black figure appeared next to me. I jumped and recoiled, grabbing at Jared until I realized who it was.

“Samuel,” Jared breathed.

I frowned, and Samuel smiled in response. “You are unhappy with me, young Grey.”

“You haven’t been much help,” I said, too angry to hold back.

He smiled, his white teeth a stark contrast to his rich, dark skin. “It appears to me that the situation is under control,” he said, making his way to Claire. He leaned down, touching the top of her head with his massive hand. “Ryan will be fine, I’m told.”

Claire smiled, another tear falling from her eye. “Thank you, Sam.”

Bex and Claire embraced each other with raw relief. For the first time, I heard Claire giggle. Her wet eyes were bright, and the sound of her laughter chimed in the air, reminding me of Lillian. Bex laughed along with her, wiping the tears from his eyes as they celebrated together.

Jared squeezed me to his side, and Kim’s mouth widened to a large grin. It was as if we could all breathe again.

“He’s going to make it?” I said. The question was redundant, but I had to hear it again.

Samuel nodded once. “Yes.”

He returned to my side, and I wondered if any of the passersby could see him. No one seemed to notice the half-dressed giant in the room.

“We still need your help,” I said. “We’ve read the book. We’ve all come close to death more than once trying to get our hands on it to find a loophole. Jared didn’t find anything.”

Samuel looked to Jared, who shook his head with a frustrated expression.

“I think you already know the answer,” Samuel said.

Jared sighed. “I was kind of hoping that would be a last resort.”

Samuel touched Jared’s shoulder. “It’s a means to an end, isn’t it?”

With his last words, Samuel blinked from the space he had once occupied. Jared sat in the chair, pulling me into his lap, lost in thought.

Bex helped Claire to her feet and then walked her to the sofa. “He’s right. It’s what you should have done all along.”

“Stop,” Jared said.

The nurse returned, this time with a smile. “He’s in recovery now. He’s doing well.”

“When can I see him?” Claire asked.

“Soon,” the nurse said, offering a comforting smile before leaving the way she came.

Claire collapsed against the back of her seat. “That was close.”

“Too close,” Bex said, hugging her against his side.

“What is Samuel right about?” I asked.

Bex glanced at Jared, waiting for his brother to answer. When he didn’t, Bex began, “We just started a war. The only way to win is to convince Heaven to fight with us.”

I shook my head. “But we’ve tried. They won’t help.”

One side of Bex’s mouth turned up. “They will if you give them something to fight for. They won’t let Hell destroy the baby once it’s born. We just have to protect you until it gets here.”

“What baby?” I said.

Jared peeked at me from under his brow. “The baby you’re carrying.”

Everyone in the room stared at me, waiting for my reaction.

“Me?” I said, touching my palm to my chest. “But I’m not pregnant. We haven’t—”

“Ew! Ew! Stop,” Claire said, shaking her head.

“Just once,” Jared said, looking up at me sheepishly.

I remembered the night I begged Jared to help me forget about the chaos surrounding us—the night he said it wasn’t a good time to tempt fate. I didn’t realize at the time he had spoken literally.

“How long have you known?” I said, taken aback.

“The following morning I knew something was different. It took me a week or so to pinpoint exactly what.”

“I’m—“

“With child,” Bex said. “Expecting. Bun in the oven. Knocked up.”

“Hey,” Jared said, disapproving of Bex’s last choice of words.

“Pregnant,” Claire said, as her eyes brightened.

Kim sighed. “You totally ruined my spring break. Just saying.”

I took internal stock of my body, waiting to feel different, but it never happened. “No. I mean I don’t feel pregnant.”

Kim raised her hands, letting them fall with a slap on her thighs. “Seriously. How are we going to travel to Jerusalem with Preggo over here?”

“She’ll go,” Jared said, letting a small smile pass over his lips.

The nurse knocked on the window, gesturing to the gurney she was wheeling down the hall. It was Ryan. She whispered into his ear, and he lifted his hand, giving us the thumbs-up.

Claire stood to follow, pausing at the door way. “We’ll all go.”

“Looks as if we’ll be waiting until Ryan is better before we’re going on our trip,” Jared said, pulling my hand to his lips. “We could tend to a few things while he heals.”

“What’s that?” I asked, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

“There’s a pretty little chapel on an island I’d like to take you to.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “I guess we’d better.”

“What are you doing Saturday?” he asked.

“Homework.” I heaved a sigh and frowned. “Mountains of homework.”

Jared frowned. “Sunday?”

I mirrored his expression. “I guess you’re busy tonight?”

Jared’s brows shot up. “You want to go tonight?”

I nodded.

He bobbed his head with a big grin. “We can go tonight if you want. We can go now.”

“I’m ready,” I said.

Jared grabbed each side of my face, pressing his warm, wonderful lips to mine. “How is it possible that I just went from almost losing everything I’ve ever loved, to getting everything I’ve ever wanted all in the same night?”

“Do you believe in guardian angels?” I asked, kissing him again.

Epilogue

“One bathing suit, one white dress, and a few undergarments—that’s what I’ve packed for my wedding getaway,” I said, watching as Jared effortlessly clicked shut the buckle of my seat belt.

“That’s all you need, sweetheart,” he smiled, checking the buckle one last time.

The stewardess went through her routine, and then the pilot came over the speaker, informing us of our place in line for takeoff and the current weather in Nicaragua.

“Should be a pleasant flight, Mr. and the soon-to-be Mrs. Ryel,” the pilot said.

Jared’s grin stretched the width of his face. “I might have paid him extra to say that.”

“I figured as much,” I teased. I looked out the window to the dreary Providence weather. In just a few hours, I would be lying on my favorite Caribbean beach with my husband. It didn’t seem real but, at the same time, it was expected. We had earned this moment a thousand times over.

The chartered jet taxied to the runway and, within moments, gained momentum. The fuselage shuddered until the wheels left the ground, taking off in graceful, weightless flight. The lights of Providence became smaller, until they were just a cluster, separated from other cities by the dark countryside.

I relaxed against Jared, my eyes heavy.

Jared kissed my hair. “Do you think you’ll have good dreams?”

“Yes,” I said without pause. “Maybe I’ll dream about the baby. Maybe I’ll see what she’ll look like.”

“She?”

“Yes, it’s a girl,” I assured him.

“And what if it’s a boy?” Jared asked, playfully nudging me.

“It’s not. It’s a girl.”

“Blond, of course,” Jared said.

“With blue-grey eyes,” I sighed.

“No. She’ll have your eyes,” Jared insisted.

“You could have told me,” I said, nuzzling against his arm.

“I thought about it. I went back and forth so many times about telling you or letting you find out the normal way.”

“Nothing about us is normal.” I smiled. “Why start now?”

Jared planted a sweet kiss on my forehead. “I don’t have a preference. I just want him or her to be . . .” He trailed off, worried how his next words would affect me.

“It’s going to be a long nine months, protecting us until the baby gets here.”

“You worry about all the normal pregnancy stuff. You leave the rest of the details to me.”

I frowned. “You talk as if it’s crib assembly and child-proofing.”

“I wish.” Jared smiled.

“Me too,” I said, resting my head against his warm skin. He wore a short-sleeved, white t-shirt in anticipation of the warmer weather of the Caribbean, but the light clothing allowed me more access to his soft, heated skin. The feeling of his skin against mine was a natural sedative.

Before long, I dozed off, sleeping deeper than I had in months. I didn’t dream of our baby or of Jack or Gabe or of anything at all. I closed my eyes and was lost in a peaceful darkness until Jared kissed me awake when the plane was about to land.

The pilot made his announcements on the intercom, and Jared checked my seat belt one last time.

“It’s fastened,” I said, smiling.

“I just want to make sure. . . .” he said, laughing once to himself.

We landed without event, and once we set foot on the pavement, I grinned. “It hasn’t changed a bit, except for the number of people waiting on us this time.”

“We only have two suitcases and no tech cargo. It’s been an easier trip for me this go-round.”

“I’d say so.” I laughed. “It even smells the same.”

“And the last time we were here, you were only pretending to be Mrs. Ryel.”

An instant grin lit my face, and I followed Jared out of the terminal to the waiting men outside.

Jared carried our suitcases to an old, rusty pick-up truck and then spoke in Spanish to the men as they loaded our belongings. Taking my hand, Jared helped me into the truck and nodded to the driver to proceed.

After a short drive, our island chauffeur slowed to a stop beside the pier. As we boarded the small boat Jared had secured for us, it occurred to me how unlikely it would have been for anyone else to have made arrangements at such late notice, and so early in the morning. Jared, however, had enough connections to do whatever he set his mind to.

“It’s awfully dark to be wandering around in the ocean, isn’t it?” I said, unsure as the boat captain steered in the general direction of the island. The boat was quickly swallowed by the night, and the cool air off the water won over the thin fabric of my jacket.

“Cold?” Jared said, wrapping his arms around me.

“Not now,” I smiled.

“He’s made this trip enough times, I’m sure he could do it blindfolded.”

“When it’s this dark, he pretty much is,” I said, a bit anxious.

The salty air whipped by as we shot across the black water, a stark contrast to the turquois blue I remembered. Jared could hardly sit still, and had I not been so nervous about a possible head-on collision, I might have been just as excited to be back to the only place we had ever been able to be normal.

A half-hour later, the boat docked at the small pier of Little Corn. I sighed with relief. The waves had just begun to rock the boat a little more than I was comfortable with, and lightning had started to spark across the horizon.

We met another small truck with our luggage, and a small, sleepy man by the name of Jose drove us to the same casita we’d stayed in during our previous trip.

Speaking above the distant thunder, Jared spoke kindly to Jose in his native tongue and then pulled our suitcases from the back of the truck, opening the door for me.

It had just begun to rain when he set our suitcases on the floor beside the bed, and the smell of the rain combined with the sound of raindrops tapping on the roof and bouncing off the palm fronds took me back to a not-so-distant past when everything seemed innocent and exciting.

Inside were the same simple accommodations, with only two differences: every surface was adorned with glowing candles, and a tall fan waited at the end of the bed. It stood stationary, ready to serve its purpose while I slept next to Jared’s feverish body in the Caribbean heat and humidity.

I covered my mouth with my hand as I yawned. My long, undisturbed nap on the plane left me feeling groggy. “It’s beautiful! Better than I remember,” I said, trying to muster the appropriate excitement in my tone. Speaking through a yawn dampened that prospect, but thankfully, Jared could feel what I couldn’t adequately express.

“We’re finally back.” Jared sighed, a content smile on his face.

I returned his smile. Time had stopped for us here, and I had a feeling that once the wedding was over I wouldn’t want to leave.

Jared lifted me off my feet and carried me to the bed. He lay on the bed, his face just inches from mine. His blue-grey eyes were bright and soft at the same time. I didn’t want to close my eyes and miss a second of that expression on his face, but exhaustion had settled in.

“You should rest, Miss Grey. We have work to do.”

“Work?” I asked, sleepy. “What kind of work?”

“We’re changing your name tomorrow,” he whispered in my ear.

Eden

For Mimi.

Thank you for being there for us in every way you knew how.

For your support, love, and your smiles.

For Beth.

You said I could and you always have.

Eden Table of Contents

The following is the table of contents for Eden (Book Three only).

To return to main table of contents for the Providence Trilogy, click here

1. Tomorrow

2. Promises

3. Trial

4. Little Heaven

5. The End

6. Answer

7. Broken Promise(s)

8. Breakthrough

9. Due

10. Matches

11. Last Minute Forgiveness

12. Road Trip

13. The Road Home

14. The Most Important Thing

15. Questioned

16. Direct Flight to Hell

17. Departure

18. Sepulchre

19. Trapped

20. Legion

21. Mother

Epilogue

A Note from the Author

1. Tomorrow

Happily ever after. That was the end, right? The hard part was over. It was smooth sailing now. I lay in bed next to my handsome, celestial Prince Charming, the tropical breeze blowing through the window screens of our little Caribbean hut, waiting for the sun to rise so I could begin my wedding day.

Funny how happily ever after isn’t the end after all . . . at least, not when Hell is trying to kill you.

That trivial little fact was easy to ignore with the light rain tapping the tin roof and the palm fronds brushing against our casita as the wind gently pushed its way through the trees. The first glimmers of sunlight danced along the ceiling as translucent dashes of warmth. Those shuddering, glowing dots above me were the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. Jared Ryel was the second. He smiled, waiting for my eyes to focus.

“It’s tomorrow,” he whispered.

Splatters of pinks and purples had just breached the windows, and the rain had all but left us for the bigger island, reduced to droplets. The fading purple splotches on Jared’s forehead, cheek, and chin stood out in the early light, and they brought back a flood of memories from the days before.

He and I had already survived the impossible—coming face to face with one of the most frightening beings in Hell and a few hundred of his minions, human and demon alike. Simply celebrating another day would have sufficed. That was the moment realization hit, and Jared’s eyes brightened with amusement as my sleepy expression perked.

“It’s today?” I said softly. I reached up to touch his skin and the residual marks from his skirmish with Shax.

Jared pushed himself onto his elbows and then leaned his head closer to my belly. “Good morning, little Bean.”

“Bean?” I said, one eyebrow shooting up.

“Yes, she’s no bigger than a bean. That’s what the book says, anyway.”

“The book.”

Jared reached to the floor, pulling up a thick book, its cover dripping in hideous pastel colors and childish writing.

“I thought I should be prepared for anything that might come up.” Jared flipped through the pages and then peered up at me, waiting for approval.

“Is there a chapter on balance-disrupting angel babies?” I said, grinning when Jared’s eyebrows pushed together.

He tossed the book to the floor and then playfully situated himself over me, nuzzling my neck.

“Jared!” I squealed, making a poor attempt to push him away. “Stop!”

“I’ll stop if you say it,” he said, his voice muffled against my skin.

“Say what?” I laughed, wiggling in vain.

Jared lifted his head to look me in the eyes. “Bean,” he said, his eyes a soft blue-gray.

I pressed my lips together, forming a hard line, but when he tickled me again, I caved. “Okay!” I pleaded. “Bean!”

A wide grin spread across his face. “I wish I’d known how well this tactic of persuasion works on you three years ago. Life would have been somewhat easier.”

I swatted at him, knowing he would duck. “Not fair.”

Jared kissed my lips, his warmth soaking into my skin. It didn’t seem as warm as usual, but I attributed it to the tropical heat raising my own temperature.

“You know what’s not fair? I don’t get to see you until this afternoon.” He left me alone on the bed, pulling a white T-shirt over his head.

“What do you mean?” I said, pushing up on my elbows.

“You’d better get dressed, sweetheart. We’re expecting company in five minutes.”

“Company?”

Jared tossed a tan summer dress to the bed, and I scrambled to put it on, knowing better than anyone that Jared wasn’t mistaken about things like time. I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and then stood awkwardly while Jared opened the tin door. A line of villagers made its way to our casita, led by a frazzled-looking Beth. She held a white garment bag, and when her eyes met mine, her smile widened to its limit.

“Beth!” I said, rushing down the steps. Mud squished between my bare toes as I ran to her, enveloping her in my arms. Her auburn hair was damp, plastered to her forehead and cheeks. She was sweaty and red-faced, trying to catch her breath as Chad pulled the garment bag from her fingers.

“She wouldn’t let anyone else carry it,” he said, shaking his head. He held the bag out for Jared, but Beth quickly grabbed it back, smacking his hand away.

“Jared can’t see it!” she said. She held the long bag up, away from the mud, but behind her to protect it from Jared’s hands.

Jared was amused. “I won’t look, Beth. I’m going to take Chad to the chapel now. You two have the whole day.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised—Jared could arrange anything—but I was speechless. Beth and Chad had arrived just eight hours after us.

“How did you . . .?” I began.

Jared’s smile widened. “We’ve taken care of everything. I didn’t want you stressed.”

“We?” I frowned, more confused.

“Mom is waiting for me at the chapel. See you there.” He grinned from ear to ear. I’d never seen him so happy. He leaned down to kiss my cheek and then gestured for Chad to follow. “You’ve driven a motorcycle before?”

Chad paused. “Yeah. Why?”

“It’s a bit of a drive.” Jared patted Chad on the shoulder, encouraging him along. Poor Chad seemed totally out of his element. Even though the men weren’t that close, I had full confidence in my husband-to-be to make Chad feel at ease. That responsibility would serve as double duty to soothe Jared’s nerves.

“Wait ’til you see this dress!” Beth squealed, pulling me inside. She hooked the bag onto a wooden lip above the closet and then rubbed her sore shoulder. “It was a long, muddy walk.”

“It is.” I nodded. “Would you like me to get some ice for your shoulder?”

Beth’s eyes lit up again. She pulled down the zipper of the garment bag, turning to me.

I blinked in disbelief. “That’s the . . . um . . . .”

Beth’s eyes were wild with excitement. “The dress from the magazine that you picked out two years ago? Yes!”

“But . . . how is it here? How did he . . .?”

Beth couldn’t wait for me to spit out the words. “I have been hanging on to this thing forever! Can you believe it? Lillian brought it to the apartment. She said you had picked it out, and Jared bought it, and they made me bottle this up for two years! It was awful! Why do you think I hounded you about a wedding date all those times?”

“But . . . why?”

Beth nodded. “I know, right? That’s what I said. His mom said he was excited; he wanted to surprise you, blah, blah, blah. I personally think he just wanted to torture me because it’s been hell.”

I couldn’t stop staring at the flowing, silky whiteness in front of me. I remembered sitting on our couch in the loft while I healed, thumbing through magazines with Lillian and pausing on a picture, unable to turn the page. It was just days after I was discharged from the hospital, the day Claire left to eliminate all the humans that threatened us. A dress identical to the one I showed a partisan interest in almost two years earlier dangled from a hanger just feet from me.

“Beth?” I said, still staring at the dress.

“Yes?”

“You’re going to have to take it down a few notches. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.”

Beth’s head bobbed quickly, and then she took a seat in the corner. After a deep breath, she began again. “It’s beautiful.”

I almost asked Beth if she knew why Lillian didn’t keep the dress at her house, but it was a foolish question. Beth was safe. No one would blow up her apartment or bust through her windows in the middle of the night—and it would give Jared an extra ally in vying for a wedding date.

“He’s brilliant,” I said in awe.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Beth gripped her knees and bit her lip, struggling with every passing second. “Are you still overwhelmed?”

“I’m feeling better.”

She leaned forward in her seat, quickly losing the fight to remain composed. “I brought two bags overflowing with makeup, hairspray, and curling irons. I think I have every size known to man. I can make big barrel curls or little spiral curls. If you don’t want curls, I brought a flat iron . . . .”

“Beth?”

“Sorry.”

“You take a Valium. I’ll take a shower . . . wait. Is it ridiculous that I don’t know what time my wedding starts?”

“One o’clock. We have plenty of time.”

I nodded, grabbing my robe and a towel. I couldn’t imagine how difficult the wait must have been for her. It was endearing and disturbing at the same time.

Under the warm stream of the casita’s humble shower, it wasn’t difficult to let go of any anxiety. Birds sang to each other from the branches of the palm trees, and the sounds of the ocean gave away its close proximity. Feeling stressed in paradise was wonderfully impossible.

“Did you want an up-do? I brought bobby pins just in case!” Beth called.

“Not listening!” I said, massaging shampoo into my hair. I wondered if she was curious about Jared’s fading bruises or if she’d even noticed. Surely Chad would. If they spent the morning together, eventually he would see them. Jared would explain them away, but if Beth asked me about them and I told a different story, it would complicate things. It was easy to convince her that I needed a bodyguard—she’d witnessed my run-in with Mr. Dawson, after all. Unless they were due to training, Jared’s bruises were a telltale sign that I had been in danger. Two years of experience told me that Beth was too preoccupied with wedding details, so I put that worry to the back of the line.

Thinking of Jared’s bruises made the rest of his face form in my mind, and suddenly I couldn’t get out of the shower fast enough. It made me feel anxious to wait so long before I was allowed to see him again.

I rushed into the casita in my towel, my hair dripping wet, and slipped on the sleeves of my robe.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m just going for a walk,” I said, slipping on a pair of sandals.

“Oh, no, you’re not. We have a day’s worth of primping to do in just a few hours! Get your backside in this chair, young lady!” Beth said.

“I’ll just be a minute,” I said, waving her away. I swung open the door of the casita to find Bex standing in my way.

“Morning.” He smiled. “Going somewhere?”

“Just for a walk.” I shrugged.

“Don’t you have some girly things to do? You’re getting married in a few hours.”

I frowned. “Are you here to keep me captive?”

Bex mirrored my expression. “No, paranoid schizo, your guardian-slash-almost husband is across the island, and you and your unborn baby are two of Hell’s most wanted. I’m here to keep you safe. If you wanna leave, leave. I have to walk with you, though.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling silly. “Okay, then. I want to leave.”

Beth grabbed my wrist, a hair dryer in her other hand. “I jumped on a plane at a moment’s notice. I rode a boat across an unknown body of water—in the pouring rain. There is mud caked under my newly painted toenails, and I’m pretty sure a bird crapped in my hair on the walk here. I’ve endured all this to come here and help you get ready for a wedding that I’ve kept a secret for two years. You can give me a few hours!”

“Okay! You’re right. I’m sorry,” I said. I followed Beth back into the casita, sitting in the chair she’d placed in front of a makeshift salon counter.

“Whoa,” Bex said, sitting on the bed. “Girls are crazy.”

The counter was covered in wires, which led to various hot irons, makeup, brushes, curlers, combs, and hair products. The black wires were hooked into an orange extension cord, which led outside to the solar-powered generator Jared had rigged outside. The mess of wires was an eyesore, but at least we had power without the annoying drone of a gas-powered generator. Beth brought several lamps to make up for the limited natural light filtering through the windows and a manicure and pedicure kit. A large camera also sat among the clutter beside two packages of fresh memory cards for her camera.

“Thank you, Beth,” I said. The planning alone had to have been time-consuming.

“That’s what best friends do.”

After hours of combing, scrubbing, powdering, and polishing, I was finally ready to slip on my wedding dress.

“I’ll step outside,” Bex said. “I need some fresh air, anyway.”

“Good idea.” I smiled. “No telling what that much hairspray will do to a young man’s lungs.”

Beth waited for Bex to leave and then sighed. “We have to wait to put on your dress,” she said, fidgeting.

“You’re joking,” I said. I took a step toward my dress, but Beth ran around me, holding her arms up and out, shielding the dress from my hands.

“I’m not! I’m not joking. We’re waiting.”

I frowned. “You’re losing it, Beth,” I said, sitting in the chair in a huff.

“You look beautiful.” She smiled.

“I’m used to being in the dark for the most part, but on my wedding day, I would like to be in the know.”

“I understand,” Beth said, thick with regret. “It’s just that . . . .”

A small knock at the door immediately changed Beth’s demeanor. “Coming!” she said, relieved.

Cynthia stood in the doorway. As usual, her face was devoid of emotion. “Well?” she called behind her. “Put my things in the adjacent building. Thank you.” Her tone was opposite her words—also her usual.

“Mother,” I said, surprised.

She wore a champagne-colored sheath dress. Even after marching through a tropical rain shower and the mud in six-inch heels, her dress and matching shoes were immaculate. Her hair was pulled back into its usual tight French bun, making her eyes even more severe when she pulled off her sunglasses and huffed.

“I apologize for my lateness, Nina dear. I had several functions to reschedule, since my presence was demanded at such late notice.”

“Sorry,” Beth and I said at the same time.

“Well”—she sighed—“you are my only daughter. We do what we must.” I smiled, and Cynthia took the few steps to offer a cold embrace. The awkward gesture was the most she could offer; knowing that made me appreciate it more than others might have. She quickly let go and offered a polite smile. “You look wonderful, dear.”

“Thank you. I was just about to step into my dress—”

“Oh. Well, then, I’ll just step out,” Cynthia said.

I fidgeted. “Would you mind helping?”

Cynthia hesitated. “Er . . . isn’t that why Beth is here?”

“No.” Beth smiled. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

Cynthia’s eyes scanned my dress and its yards of white silk and clouded with tears. “Oh, my,” she whispered, pulling a tissue from her purse.

I was taken aback. Cynthia rarely cried. In fact, she’d only found two occasions in my lifetime for it, and both had more to do with my father.

“It’s okay, Mother,” I said, hesitating to find an appropriate place to comfort her. I settled on her shoulder, patting awkwardly a few times.

She sniffed once, lifting her chin to ward off the uninvited emotion. “It’s just that silk charmeuse wrinkles so easily.”

I nodded. “I know.”

After one last dab at her eyes with the tissue, she turned. “Beth best assist you, darling. Call for me when you’re dressed.” She closed the door behind her, and I turned to Beth.

“I’m so sorry,” Beth whispered. “I thought . . . I waited for her because I thought she’d like to be involved. I should have known better. Now you both just feel awkward.”

“It was worth a try. One never knows with Cynthia. She might have been insulted if I hadn’t asked, so you did the right thing.”

“Did I?”

I smiled. “You did. Now help me get this thing on, and let’s not let it wrinkle. I don’t want to upset my mother.”

Beth nodded and carefully pulled the dress from its hanger. “Neither do I.”

2. Promises

“She was right,” Beth said, tears in her eyes. “It does wrinkle easy.”

I nodded, staring at my reflection in the full-length mirror Beth had brought for the occasion. The woman staring back at me was soft and mature, draped in the muted sheen of silk and chiffon. Beth wasn’t human after all; only magic could have transformed me into the elegant, graceful creature in the mirror.

Soft, blond curls caressed my shoulders, and just a hint of blush and pink lip gloss reminded me that I had makeup on at all. Beth had spent hours making sure that I appeared timeless and natural.

Beth clapped her hands together and held them tight to her chest, as impressed at her work as I. “Jared is going to crap!”

I laughed. “I knew eventually Oklahoma would break free from the professional East Coast stylist role you’ve played today!”

Beth gathered the tools she used to transform me, rolling wires and putting the various bags of makeup into the different tubs the villagers had carried to the casita. I stood in place, afraid to move. The realization hit that the church was miles away, across a muddy jungle, and I was wearing white.

I blanched. “Oh, God. Cynthia will stroke out if this dress is soiled before the wedding.”

“If she can get here without a speck, I’m sure she can get you to the church mud-free.”

“You’re probably right,” I nodded, trying to relax.

“I wish Kim could be here,” Beth said, shaking her head. “I called her, but she’s out of town.”

“I understand. This was very sudden.” I hated lying to Beth, especially while she was being the poster child for a best friend, but I already knew Kim wouldn’t be at my wedding. She was two hospital rooms down from Ryan, nursing wounds she’d sustained when Isaac had sent her flying across the cathedral of St. Anne’s. It wasn’t right that she had saved my life and, instead of being at her side, I was primping in a tropical paradise.

“She did say to tell you to not worry about her. She said she’s fine and she wants you to enjoy your day. Why would you worry?” Beth said. Her question was a second thought, as if it hadn’t crossed her mind until that moment.

“When do I not worry about her?” I said, fidgeting with my dress.

Beth thought for a moment. “True,” she agreed, carrying on with tidying up the room. “Okay, I’m going to grab your mom, and then I’m going to get ready. If you need anything, I’m just a casita away.”

“Beth?” I called.

“Yes?” she said, spinning around.

“Thank you”—I smiled—“for everything.”

Beth returned my smile. “Of course.”

“And Beth?”

“Yes?” she said. She was clearly impatient about getting to her casita.

“Think I could sit for a while?”

“Oh!” Beth said, rushing to fetch me a chair. “Here. This one has a back on it so you can relax. Thirsty?”

“Not at the moment. You are the best maid of honor, ever.”

“I know.” She beamed. She backed out of my room, shutting the door on her wide and excessively proud smile.

With Beth’s absence, the room became uncomfortably quiet, but I didn’t feel alone. I looked down to my belly. Bean was invisible, nestled under the fabric of the dress I would wear to marry her father. I placed both of my hands above my bump and smiled. Would Bean know he or she was a guest at our wedding? The thought of a tiny body inside me with a fancy dress or tux on made me giggle.

“What’s funny?” Cynthia said as she entered the room. “Certainly not the sight of you. You’re a vision.” I smiled and stood so that she might get a better look. “I’ve arranged for a car. Well, not so much a car as a beat-up truck, but it will get us to the chapel.”

“I wondered how I would get there and keep my dress white.”

Cynthia frowned. “I didn’t say it wouldn’t be difficult. I’ve considered wrapping you in plastic. It will take all of us along with a concentrated effort, but it can be done.”

“Thank you.” I smiled. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Again, a deluge of emotion caught Cynthia off-guard, and she furiously searched through her purse for a tissue. Before the first tear could pour over her lashes, she dabbed it away. “I’ve never,” she said, annoyed. “I hope this doesn’t continue throughout the day.”

I rested in the chair, and Cynthia sat on the bed, seeming uncomfortable and out of place, yet she remained cordial and poised. She brought up appropriate subjects such as the weather and stayed far away from anything that might induce another onslaught of tears. We shared a few polite laughs, and I silently prayed that Beth would return sooner rather than later.

“Ding dong!” Bex said, opening the door. “The truck is less than a mile away. You ready?”

“Something like that.” I sighed.

Beth popped in behind Bex. Her smile lit up the room. She was stunning in her French blue cocktail dress, and for the first time since I’d met her, she actually looked like the former beauty queen that she was. Her lips were stained a wine color, and her short auburn hair was wavy and soft instead of sticking out in every direction. “Oh, good!” Beth squealed as the engine grew louder upon the truck’s approach. “It’s like a Bronco! It has a back seat!”

“That’s nice,” I said, minding my mother’s expression as I gathered my skirt.

The trip from my chair to the door was uneventful, but the preparations for me to step outside into the murky jungle were firmly coordinated by my mother. Cynthia barked orders at Bex, Beth, and the driver. Bex lifted me and held me away from his body—at Cynthia’s request—to keep from wrinkling the dress further. Beth and Cynthia held any protruding pieces out and away as Bex made his way to the truck and then helped spread the fabric while he lowered me to the backseat. Cynthia’s tactic worked. I was seated atop a clean blanket, and my dress remained untouched by the jungle.

Bex led us to the chapel on a dirt bike, while Cynthia commandeered the passenger seat. Beth squeezed against the door to my right to give the dress plenty of room.

“You are all being a little ridiculous about this dress. Once I get out of the truck, the wrinkles will fall,” I said.

“It’s possible. What will you do if mud is splattered on it? Have you found a dry cleaner on the island?” Cynthia asked.

“Good point.”

Within half an hour, the truck was bouncing over familiar cobblestone streets. My heart pounded against my chest when the chapel’s steeple appeared above the palm trees, and I could barely restrain myself from bursting from the truck and running inside when the fountain and then the wooden double doors came into view. Jared was inside, and the wait had already been an awful test of my patience.

Beth lightly touched the top of my hand, and only then did I realize I was tapping her knee.

“We’re here,” she said, pulling at the door handle.

Bex stood on the walkway with a wide grin on his face. “You look good.”

“Thanks,” I said, touched by his sentiment.

“All right, enough chitchat. We’re not in the church, yet,” Cynthia said, orchestrating another transfer. She lifted the hem of one side of my dress while directing Beth to lift the other, and together we climbed the steps.

Inside, Lillian waited. Once recognition hit, her eyes lit up, and she clapped her hands together, quickly bringing them to her mouth. “Oh. Oh my goodness,” she said, tears glossing her eyes. “You’re even more beautiful than I imagined.” She looked to Cynthia. “It’s so good to see you,” she said, hugging her old friend.

“As it is you,” Cynthia said with a warm but demure smile.

Lillian blotted her eyes with a tissue and shook her head. She looked upon me with pure love and adoration. She had always regarded me with an adulation that I never quite understood, but the look in her eyes was new to me.

“May I seat you?” Bex said to Cynthia, offering his arm.

“Yes, thank you,” she said, walking with Bex into the church.

Lillian watched them disappear behind the door and then leaned into my ear. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this moment. You’ve always been family, Nina. I can’t explain it,” she whispered. A sweet, innocent laugh escaped her throat. “Some nights, after Jack and Cynthia took you home after I’d made you all dinner, I would cry.”

My eyebrows popped up. Lillian was always so candid about her feelings for me. Even so, her words surprised me.

“Gabe used to shake his head. He always thought me to be irrational when it came to you. But each time you left my home, I felt I was letting my daughter go away to live with someone else. I must sound crazy. It sounds silly to say out loud. I . . . I just wanted to tell you how happy it makes me that after today . . . I can call you my daughter.”

I hugged her to me. The intensity of emotion in the room was overwhelming. I didn’t hear crazy. Lillian’s words sounded like love.

“No, no, no, no . . .,” Beth said, pulling a tissue from her purse. “Don’t cry. Your mascara is waterproof, but it’s not magic. It could smudge.” She carefully dabbed under my eyes. “You’re only marrying the man of your dreams soon. What’s to cry about?”

I smiled. “Touché.”

The music sounded. Beth handed me an exquisite bouquet of pink and white tulips, winked at me, and then slid out of the double doors to take her walk. I stood alone in the vestibule, in my dress, holding my favorite flowers—the same Jared presented to me on our first date. I was amazed, then, at the coincidence. Now it just made me smile. Why he was ever nervous about whether I would fall in love with him was a mystery. Not only was he the most thoughtful, most selfless, and loving person I knew but he was also armed with the knowledge of all my likes and dislikes. He was  armed to win me over more than any other man. The tulips were perfect. Jared had sent me this very bouquet many times over the course of our relationship. It just occurred to me that these flowers had also been sent to me before our relationship—on birthdays and my high school graduation—and I remember feeling comforted by a wreath at my father’s funeral bearing the same flowers. Jared had never mentioned it before, but I knew they were from him. That thought made me smile. He had loved me for a long time, and now I was about to walk down the aisle of our chapel on our island to pledge my eternal love to him. Life had never felt so right.

I thought about my father and wished he were next to me. I imagined him in a smart tuxedo with teary eyes, fawning over my dress and telling me how beautiful and grown-up I looked. As a little girl, I imagined him giving me away at my wedding, and now he would have to do it from Heaven.

“I know you can see me, Daddy,” I whispered, closing my eyes.

Suddenly, I was no longer alone. Someone was beside me, with an arm hooked around my elbow.

“Hope you don’t mind a wedding crasher. Jack sent me,” Eli winked and tightened his grip.

“N-No,” I said, shaking my head. “Of course not.”

“I’ve always wanted to do this.” He stretched his neck and shoulders. “Looked like fun.”

“Thank you,” I said, as the wedding march began to play in the chapel.

“Ready, kiddo?”

I smiled and took a deep breath. “Ready.”

Both doors swept open, held by two young local boys, and our small audience stood.

Eli leaned into my ear. “You are breathtaking, by the way.” He took a step, and I followed his lead. Together we walked slowly down the aisle.

The sanctuary was a bit dim, with beams of sun breaking through the windows and spotlighting the different faces of our friends and family. The dust motes slowly floated in and out of the sunshine, delicate and graceful. I saw Jared’s Uncle Luke first. I was surprised to see him, and it must have shown, because he and his wife Maryse chuckled softly at my expression. I was glad to see Chad sitting next to my mother; although it wouldn’t have occurred to her to feel . . . well, anything . . . I didn’t want her to be alone. Lillian, Luke, and Maryse sat together in the first of the heavy wooden pews, parallel to Cynthia and Chad. Luke whispered something into his sister’s ear, and Lillian nodded, taking a deep, satisfied breath.

And then, I saw him. Jared stood next to Bex at the head of the chapel, at the top of a few steps that led to the pulpit and the rest of the stage. Eli waited before he took a step, sensing that I had stopped in my tracks. Jared was dressed in a khaki suit with a white-button-up shirt. The top button was undone, and he skipped the tie. He looked perfect, and his bright blue-gray eyes were locked on me, over a slightly nervous, beaming smile.

Without thinking, I took a step, now more anxious than ever to be next to him. Eli picked up his pace as my feet insisted on placing the rest of me next to the man I loved more than life itself. My love for Jared surpassed needing normal, enough to conquer fate and beat death. In that moment, I couldn’t fathom why I had waited so long, and I wanted to be nowhere else but in that chapel, making the easy promise to love him forever.

The reverend was short, swallowed by his officiant’s gown. His brown skin was dull and wrinkled, but his kind smile brightened his face. He spoke in a thick accent. “Hello, Nina. I’m Father Julian.”

I nodded, my gaze returning to Jared.

“We gather here, in the presence of God and this company, that Jared and Nina be united in Holy Matrimony. We’re here to celebrate and share in the glorious act that God is about to perform—the act by which He converts their love for one another into the holy and sacred state of marriage.

“This relationship is honorable and sacred, established by our Creator for welfare and happiness of humanity, and approved by the Apostle Paul as honorable among all men. It is designed to unite two sympathies and hopes into one and rests upon the mutual confidence and devotion of husband and wife. May it be in extreme thoughtfulness and reverence and in dependence upon divine guidance that you enter now into this holy relationship.”

Jared didn’t take his eyes from mine. Just a few feet away from him, Father Julian stepped down to meet me. He looked to Eli and spoke with a thick accent. “Being assured that your love and your choice of each other as lifelong companions are God’s will and that you have your families’ blessings, I now ask, ‘Who gives this woman to be married to this man?’”

“We do,” Eli said with confidence. He spoke for my father, for Cynthia. He might have even spoken for Gabe, but I felt Heaven was smiling on the moment.

Eli lifted my hand to his lips, kissed my knuckles, and then took Jared’s hand, placing it gently beneath mine. With a small, tender squeeze, Eli left us alone at the bottom of the steps, disappearing behind the double doors he had just helped me through.

Jared raised an eyebrow, a permanent smile etched on his face. “That was unexpected.”

“Jack sent him,” I said, feeling my eyes gloss over.

Jared touched my face once, and then the reverend spoke again. This time his voice blurred into the background as I watched the blues and grays of Jared’s eyes shine in ways I’d never seen them. His expression was relaxed and nervous, happy and concerned; every emotion he’d ever felt collided inside of him in a beautiful display of the barely noticeable shifts in the skin around his eyes and mouth. No one could have noticed it but me, and I read each one as he struggled with a lifetime of duty and the relief of hearing me promise myself to him.

“Jared Ryel?” Father Julian said. “Are you ready to enter into this marriage with Nina Grey, believing the love you share and your faith in each other will endure all things?”

“I am,” Jared said simply.

“Nina Grey?”

“I am!”

Our small audience laughed at my haste. Jared chuckled as well.

Father Julian regrouped and then finished his part. “Are you ready to enter into this marriage with Nina Grey, believing the love you share and your faith in each other will endure all things?”

I waited for the minister to correct his mix-up, but he never did.

I nodded quickly. “To Jared Ryel. Yes. I’m ready.”

Father Julian didn’t skip a beat. “Nina, do you take Jared to be your wedded husband? Promise to love him, to honor and cherish him, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, and to be to him in all things a good and faithful wife as long as you both shall live?”

“Yes.”

Father Julian repeated Jared’s vows. The closer he came to the end, the tighter Jared’s fingers were around mine. Finally, when it came time for Jared to speak, he didn’t hesitate.

“Yes, and after that,” Jared said, “for a thousand years and then a thousand more . . . I will love you.”

A smile stretched across my face. His hands were cupped around mine a bit too tightly, and his body leaned into mine eagerly. This was the moment he had waited for, and he seemed to want to take it all in and rush it at the same time so nothing could keep him from it. That moment in time was the light switch in a dark room, the doorway at the end of a scary hallway. It was anything and everything that had ever saved anyone.

Father Julian closed his eyes. “Father in heaven, You ordained marriage for your children, and You gave us love. We present to You Jared and Nina, who come this day to be married. May the covenant of love they make be blessed with true devotion and spiritual commitment. We ask that You, God, will give them the ability to keep the covenant they have made. When selfishness shows itself, grant generosity; when mistrust is a temptation, give moral strength; when there is misunderstanding, give patience and gentleness; if suffering becomes a part of their lives, give them a strong faith and an abiding love. Amen.”

I opened my eyes to see Jared looking at me with total love and devotion, more so than I’d ever seen in the proud eyes of my father.

“What token do you give to perform your vows?”

Bex opened his hand, and Jared plucked a white gold band from his brother’s palm.

“Nina,” Jared said softly. He closed his eyes, thought for a moment, and then looked into my eyes. “What can I say to you that I haven’t already said? What can I give you that I haven’t already given? Is there anything of me that isn’t yours already? My body, my mind, my heart, even my soul—everything that is me—belonged to you long before this and shall be yours long after this. I will follow you anywhere and everywhere you lead. I will keep you and anyone created with our love safe from all harm. From this day on, I choose you, my beloved, to be my wife; to live with you and laugh with you; to stand by your side and sleep in your arms; to bring out the best in you always; and, for you, to be the most that I can. I promise to laugh with you in good times; to struggle with you in bad; to wipe your tears with my hands; to comfort you with my words; to mirror you with my soul; and savor every moment, happy or sad, until the end of our lives and beyond.”

A long pause followed Jared’s words. No one moved; an awe-inspired silence swept the chapel as everyone took in his breathtaking promise. He took my hand and slipped the ring onto my finger. It glided over my skin and rested next to my diamond engagement ring, as if it were returning home.

“D-do you,” Father Julian stuttered, “Nina, have a token to perform your vows?”

I turned to Beth, whose mascara streaked her cheeks. She opened her hand to reveal Jared’s simple wedding band. I took it from her and turned to face him.

He grinned, waiting on my promise. I had thought about my vows many times after we decided to write our own. Our relationship had never been traditional, so we chose to make our promise to each other unique to us. I took a deep breath. Nothing I could say would be nearly as articulate and beautiful as what he had said, but I knew well enough by now that he would love every syllable.

“Jared,” I whispered. I held his hand and then placed the ring around the tip of his finger. “I choose you as my best friend and my love for life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, and my most tender care. Through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to be faithful to you. It wasn’t until just now that I recognized that this wasn’t coincidence or a battle. We were always meant for each other. Our love is heaven sent, and I promise to honor that forever and always. From this day forward, you won’t walk alone. My heart will be your shelter, and my arms will be your home.”

The mixed emotions scrolling across Jared’s face disappeared; the only one left was happiness. I pushed his ring over his knuckle, and he squeezed my hand.

Father Julian put his hand over ours. "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Jared and Nina have consented together in Holy Matrimony, witnessed the same before God and this company, have pledged their love and loyalty to each other, and have declared the same by the joining and the giving of rings. By the authority of the state, I pronounce that they are husband and wife."

A small sigh emanated throughout the chapel, and Jared let out a breath of relief, followed by a small smile.

“Kiss your wife,” Father Julian said with a smile.

Jared cupped my cheeks, looked into my eyes, and then pulled me to him, touching his soft lips to mine. He kissed me gently at first, and then wrapped his arms around me, his lips forgetting everyone and everything around us. We were married. He was my husband and I was his wife.

He pulled away. His eyes brimmed with tears, and he looked as overwhelmed with happiness as I felt. I pulled him to me by his shirt to kiss him one last time.

“I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Jared Ryel,” the minister said loudly.

Jared’s smile faded and he gritted his teeth.

“Not today,” he said, closing his eyes.

3. Trial

The inside of the chapel darkened. The sunlight coming through the windows dimmed, but it was early afternoon. The air around us grew cold and stale. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Fearing the worst, I was desperate for a mundane explanation. “A storm?”

Jared’s eyes darkened. “I’m sorry.”

The sound of the tropical winds that regularly blew against the building was noticeably absent, and soon the only light was the dim flickering of a few sconces along the walls of the church. I shot a nervous glance over my shoulder at our friends and family below. They were frozen in time.

I quickly walked down the stairs, with Jared just behind. My movement didn’t faze the small crowd, and I gasped, falling to my knees. “Lillian?” I said, reaching out.

Her hands were folded daintily in her lap, a small smile suspended on her face. I stood and took a step to the next pew, realizing in horror that the living statues’ eyes were all still fastened to the space Jared and I once occupied.

“Beth?” I whispered, reaching out to touch her cheek. Her skin was still warm. “She’s not breathing,” I said, looking back to my new husband. Bex stood at Jared’s side. He frowned before looking to his brother. Only the humans were affected.

“He must have claimed a grievance,” Bex said.

“Shax?” I asked.

Jared shook his head. “Michael . . . for murdering his son.” He closed his eyes and took my hand, holding it against his chest. “No matter what happens, Nina, stay with Bex,” he said.

“What do you mean? Where are you going?” I said. He took a step toward the double doors of the chapel. With my free hand, I grabbed at the fabric of his jacket. “Jared,” I whispered. His demeanor terrified me.

The double doors opened, and Eli stood in the entrance, his expression blank. “I’m sorry, Jared. This can’t wait.”

Jared nodded and then tilted his head to the side, speaking under his breath. “Don’t speak, Nina. Let me handle this.”

I agreed without words. Jared led me through the doors, to the top of the chapel steps. The sky was black, the darkness filtering down to surround our chapel. Several dark forms stood in formation at the bottom of the stairs. Jared continued. With each step closer to the unknown, my heart seemed to be punching through my chest. Finally, I was face to face with Jared’s accusers, but they remained a mystery. Their faces were obscured by the hoods of black cloaks. If they were angels, they were much more frightening than any I’d encountered.

Eli stood on the other side of Jared, waiting patiently for something, but I knew better than to ask. After a few moments, the black forms parted, and two figures, differing dramatically in size, walked forward. Eli made a subtle motion with his hand, and the air around the small assemblage created its own light, leaving a muted glow. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, and he winked at me. I was the only one unable to see clearly through the darkness. Eli lit the surroundings solely for my human eyes.

His consideration set me somewhat at ease. He won’t let anything happen to us.

Any feeling of comfort offered by Eli’s small gesture didn’t last long. The two forms were now recognizable, and a lump formed in my throat at Claire’s nervous expression as she walked alongside Samuel.

“What are you doing here? Where’s Ryan?” I asked.

Jared squeezed my hand, and I remembered too late his rule of silence. A man at the front of the opposing group ripped away his hood, revealing his enraged eyes. “You are not allowed to speak here!” he said. His body shook as he spoke.

Samuel and Claire took a defensive stance in front of Jared and me. Jared squeezed my hand again, this time in comfort. He brought my fingers to his lips and kissed them. An overwhelming urge to cry overcame me, and although I begged myself not to, my eyes filled with salty tears, which dribbled down my cheeks.

Eli casually pushed Samuel and Claire to the side to approach me. “Look what you’ve done,” Eli said, lifting my chin. He used his thumbs to wipe the twin lines of tears. “Upsetting the bride on her wedding day.” He turned to the man. “Apologize, Michael, and then mind your manners for the remainder of our time here.”

Michael stood tall. “Forgive me,” he said, his body rigid with subdued rage.

I nodded once, cowering against Jared.

Samuel took a spot next to Jared, and Claire stood next to me. Eli returned to his position, but this time he stood more central between the two groups. He lowered his head and closed his eyes. The Ryel siblings, along with Samuel and the cloaked men, did the same. I followed suit, wondering if I looked ridiculous, or if it was expected. Jared didn’t offer a suggestion either way, so the safe option was to imitate the others.

After a short time, Eli began to speak in his usual soft, matter-of-fact tone. “All praise to the Most High. As this is His court and His kingdom, I will use the common tongue for our Nina, so that she may understand. I, Eliath, angel of the Divine Plan, will act on the Lord Almighty’s behalf. My decision is final.” He glanced at both Jared and Michael. “Aggression will not be tolerated.”

Jared and Michael nodded.

Eli looked to me and his eyes softened. “Michael has made a claim against Jared for the death of his earthen son, Isaac.”

My first inclination was to open my mouth, but after my public reprimand from Michael, I was hesitant.

Eli sensed my fear and smiled. “Don’t be afraid, Nina. You may speak.”

“Um . . . .” I looked to Jared, who’d told me just the opposite just a few minutes before. Any caution was absent from his face. “Jared didn’t kill Isaac,” I said. My voice was soft, but firm. Even if I incriminated myself, I couldn’t let Jared take the blame for my actions.

Eli nodded, knowingly and patiently. “The actions leading to Isaac’s death are why we’re here, Nina. You may enter your argument in a moment. I assure you this will be a fair proceeding.”

“Then why do Jared and Claire seem so nervous?” I said, deliberately leaving Bex’s name out. “This doesn’t feel like a casual inquiry.”

“You’re right. It’s not. The charges against Jared are very serious. A life was lost. Archs are not allowed to kill humans to protect their Taleh. Half-Breeds are exempt from our rules, as they are half human and allowed free will. However, because Half-Breeds are privy to those rules, it is important that they not take advantage. Do you understand?”

“Y-yes,” I said, afraid to say my next words. Eli seemed to have unending patience, but I didn’t want to test it. “But . . . Jared didn’t kill Isaac.”

Michael’s body twitched, and he began to speak in a language so beautiful I knew it was of Heaven. Eli interrupted.

“English, Michael. It’s polite.”

Michael sighed with frustration. “Why do you waste your time?” he said to Eli. “We don’t explain ourselves to them.”

“Patience,” Eli said simply. He looked to me then. “All actions leading to Isaac’s death are in review. In this case, Jared revealing himself to you plays a part. Typically, we would trace to the beginning and hold the individual responsible. In this case, the individual would be Jared’s father, Gabriel, for revealing himself to Lillian Van Buren. That action ultimately resulted in Isaac’s death, but because Gabriel has already been judged for that action, the responsibility falls on Jared.”

I frowned, still confused.

Eli smiled in understanding. “Think of the Garden of Eden. Our Lord judges wrongs based on chain reactions. It is the way of things.”

“You mean he holds grudges,” I said.

“No,” Eli said with a small chuckle. “No, that is not what I mean. He considers the root of the problem when He makes a decision.”

“‘A sins-of-the-father type of thing?”

“It’s difficult to explain in human terms, Nina. The short answer is yes.”

Jared had made his choices, but being blamed for being the product of his parents’ love, for me, and for the death of Donovan was unacceptable to me. He was my husband, after all. It was now my duty to protect him as well. I stood tall. “What about me?”

Jared tensed. “Nina,” he chided.

I glanced at Jared but didn’t heed his warning. “On the grounds that my father made choices that could have been the cause of everything that’s happened and the fact that I am the one who killed Isaac’s Taleh . . . shouldn’t I be the one on trial?”

“Yes,” Michael growled, low and frightening, through his teeth.

Eli touched my shoulder. “You are, Nina. Every choice you make. His decision for you will be later. Jared is held to a different standard, set apart from Heaven and Earth: rules for his kind that he is aware of. Now”—he smiled with kindness and maybe a bit of amusement—“if you are satisfied, we will continue.”

Knowing that even if I did come to understand I would never agree, I nodded. The expression on Eli’s face told me that he was aware of my feelings and that he appreciated that I was willing to let him move forward.

A new level of intensity weighed on everyone—everyone but Eli, who seemed impervious. Michael’s chest heaved as he readied himself to make his case and avenge Isaac’s death. As Michael took a step forward, his small army lifted the cloaks from their faces. I shouldn’t have been, but I was surprised. I expected them all to look like Michael with dark eyes and hair. Instead they more closely resembled Claire. A few of them looked upon me with curiosity, others with disdain, but mostly they seemed to be there out of duty and not personal reasons. That logic went against why Claire and Samuel appeared so uneasy.

Eli spoke. “Michael . . . .”

“Isaac had no choice!” he said. “He was important. He was given gifts unlike any Half-Breed. The choices of his Taleh do not justify his death!”

Eli nodded. “Jared . . . .”

Jared showed no emotion. “The choices of our Talehs never justify our deaths, but it is the duty and curse that we must accept to be obedient.”

Michael shifted his weight. “What do you know about duty, Half-Breed?”

Blood rushed to my cheeks. “How dare you,” I seethed.

“Nina,” Jared warned.

“Your son—the one with such gifts—was also half human. I suppose since Jared doesn’t support his Taleh living a life of crime and serving a demon he doesn’t take his duty seriously?” I said, my temper temporarily removing any thoughts of my own safety.

A deep line formed between Michael’s brows, and his eyes glistened with anger. “My son was not as fortunate as Gabe’s. He accepted his fate and made the best of it. We cannot interfere with the free will of humans. It is against His will.”

“So is serving the other side,” I grumbled.

“Nina!” Jared growled.

Michael jerked forward, and arms burst from the long, black sleeves of cloaks behind him as hands held him at bay. Simultaneously, Samuel angled his body toward Jared in a protective stance. He didn’t crouch, as I had seen Claire do so many times before when she protected me. Samuel would not fight his brothers, but he wouldn’t allow them to harm us.

Claire leaned against my arm and whispered in my ear. “Shut up, stupid. You’re not helping.”

“She should not speak here!” Michael said, jerking away from his allies.

“Enough,” Eli said, his voice calm and even. “Nina’s fate is affected. She is allowed an argument,” he said, looking to me. “Your thoughts have been considered. That will be all.”

For the first time, I didn’t feel Eli’s bias. I nodded quickly, showing my obedience with a small step back.

“Claire . . .” Eli said, moving the trial forward.

“The truth is Isaac and Donovan were working with Shax, and they were there to kill Nina, in effect, to kill Jared,” she said in her no-nonsense way. “Eli, it was going to be Donovan or Nina. Isaac or Jared. If you ask me, the best man won.”

Her words stung Michael, but he didn’t argue.

Eli’s eyes scanned the looming angels behind Michael. “Do any of your supporters wish to enter opinion?”

Michael shook his head. “It is my claim.”

“And what exactly is your claim?” Bex asked.

Michael’s eyes narrowed, staring directly at Jared’s younger brother. “That he murdered my son.”

Claire took a step forward. “Your son murdered Nina’s father.”

When recognition hit that Claire was speaking of my father, my knees buckled, and Jared tightened his grip to keep me on my feet.

“W-What?” I said, my voice barely a whisper.

Jared leaned into my cheek, his nose grazing my ear. “Donovan shot your father. Isaac was with him.”

My eyes widened, focusing on Michael. “You want to blame Gabe and Jared? You come here, interrupt our wedding day, yell at me, accuse us of murder, and your son was an accessory to the cause of all of this?”

Michael’s dark eyes darted from me to Eli.

Eli shrugged. “She has a point.”

Michael’s jaw dropped. “Isaac did not to deserve to die. He was a good son. He accepted the curse and honored his duties.”

“Michael,” Samuel said in his deep, firm voice.

Michael stepped toward Eli. “Gabriel’s son should be punished! He allowed his Taleh to kill my son! Rebecca’s son!”

Eli looked to the ground in thought. “Rebecca was unhappy with Isaac’s choices, was she not?”

Michael’s eyes flickered to each of us. “I demand Jared be punished for taking Isaac’s life.”

Samuel spoke again. “Michael—”

“Jared should be killed and his Taleh left to the savages,” Michael said, pointing to Jared.

“Michael—” Samuel repeated, this time with a low growl.

“An eye for an eye, Eli! I demand it!” Michael said; his fists balled at his sides.

“MICHAEL!” Samuel boomed. The earth trembled when he spoke, and my hands flew to my ears.

Eli watched the interaction between Samuel and Michael for a moment and then spoke. “Okay. All right. I’ve heard enough from each side. Only one argument remains.”

We all looked to one another, wondering who was left.

“My apologies,” a warm voice spoke. It was a voice I hadn’t heard in a long time, a voice from my childhood.

Jared’s hand was still in mine, and the moment the voice could be heard, his hand went limp. “Dad?” he said.

I turned, seeing Gabe Ryel at the top of the chapel’s rock steps. He looked exactly as I remembered him: tall, his blond hair and piercing ice-blue eyes glowing even from several feet away. A flash broke from the crowd and up the steps, and in the next moment, Claire was in her father’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably. She pressed her cheek against his chest, whispering something I couldn’t understand. Gabe bowed his head, spoke something back, and then he kissed his daughter’s forehead. They descended the stairs together, and approached Bex.

Gabe offered a small smile to his youngest son, who fell against him with a clap.

My mouth fell open, and I immediately searched Jared’s face for a reaction. There was none.

Gabe’s expression turned remorseful. “I’m sorry for your son, Michael. You and I are in unique positions . . . to know love for a child. You and I agree that if we could change the outcome, we would make it so.”

Eli reached out to Gabe. “It’s important to remember that it is in the height of adversary that we must come together. Michael, you’ve lost your son. Your widow has now lost her husband and her son. It is unfortunate.”

Michael bowed his head.

Gabe approached Michael, pulling him into his arms. “We need you on our side, Brother.”

Michael shrugged out of his grasp.

“Eli?” Michael pleaded.

Eli offered a small, comforting smile. “You already know the answer.”

Michael shot an accusing glare at Jared.

Jared’s brows pulled in. “I didn’t want Isaac to die, Michael. I swear to you. I wish it hadn’t happened.

“Very well, then.” He gestured to the cloaked angels, and they all disappeared into the darkness.

Eli clapped his hands together, lacing his fingers together. “Impeccable timing, as always, Gabriel.”

Gabe nodded. His eyes paused on me for a moment before fixing on Jared. “This isn’t your fault, Jared.”

Jared didn’t speak. His face tensed, his dark eyes meeting the eyes of his father; he was paralyzed. The scene brought back memories of the moment I saw my father for the last time, and I ached for Jared. He would have to say goodbye a second time.

“Jared,” Gabe began, “it’s not your fault. You’ve done everything right.”

Jared’s head dipped slightly as he attempted a nod.

“Son”—Gabe cupped both of his hands on Jared’s shoulders—“I’m proud of you.”

Jared choked, and his body gave way, allowing him to fall against his father. I covered my mouth, unaccustomed to seeing Jared relinquish control of his emotions. They embraced, and Jared’s knuckles turned white as he held Gabe in his arms. When Gabe released him, Jared used his thumb and index finger to make a quick swipe of his wet eyes.

“It’s good to see you again, Dad,” Jared said with a weak smile.

Gabe beamed. “You’ve done well, Son. You’ve done well.”

“I’ve tried,” Jared said, relieved at his father’s words. He took my hand, then. “You remember Nina.”

Gabe leaned down and kissed my hairline. “Of course.”

Eli walked up the steps, watching with amusement as Claire and Bex crowded their father. “Gabriel—”

“I know,” he said, seeming a bit sad. “One more thing,” he said. He wrapped his arms around Bex and Claire again and then followed Eli through the double wooden doors, down the aisle of the chapel. Lillian was still frozen. The same sweet, small smile on her face hadn’t moved a centimeter.

Gabriel kneeled before her. He noticed her folded hands in her lap and tenderly covered hers with his. “She is as beautiful as the day I first saw her.” He smiled. With two fingers, he brushed her cheekbone and then leaned in to kiss her lips. His mouth lingered on hers for a few moments, and he closed his eyes, taking in his last moment with his wife.

Claire wiped a stray tear from her cheek, but her cheeks were glistening with preceding tears. “Eli—

“I’m sorry, no,” Eli said.

“We’re already pushing the rules allowing Nina to be animated, not to mention allowing me to be here at all,” Gabriel said. His eyes didn’t stray from Lillian’s delicate face.

“Not unlike hacking into dreams to get your point across,” Eli said, looking away in dramatic fashion.

“The dreams,” I said. The moment I spoke, I wished I hadn’t. Bothering Gabe while he spent his last moments with his wife was ridiculously selfish. Regardless, Gabe touched Lillian’s lips to his once more, and then stood to face me.

“Yes, the dreams.” Gabe sighed.

I hesitated and then decided to ask anyway. “Why did you come to me in the dream if there was nothing in the book to help us?”

Gabe looked to the floor and then to Jared. “At first, we were hoping you wouldn’t go right along with the prophecy and get pregnant the first chance that presented itself.”

A flush of red lit my cheeks, and Jared cleared his throat. “That’s not exactly how it happened, Dad.”

Gabe gave a quick nod. “You have the book?”

“Yes,” Jared said.

“Now that you have it, it’s safe to say that it would behoove you to help the Pollocks replace it. One less thing to worry about, wouldn’t you agree?”

Jared frowned. “But if it puts us in danger, why did you take it from the Pollocks to begin with?”

“Answers. Jack knew the moment she was born she was in danger of being the woman in the prophecy. When you fell in love with her, Son, we knew it was a matter of when, not if. We were fighting time and fate . . . an impossible task. Still, Jack loved his daughter, and he wanted to do everything in his power to try to keep her from that path. We knew there was a chance the book could help us find a loophole, so we took it.”

In frustration, Jared shifted his weight. “But by the time you came to Nina in the dreams, you knew there was no loophole. Why did you put her through that? Why the theatrics? Do you have any idea what she’s been through? What I went through?”

“To get your attention. We were desperate to find a way to stop you from commencing the prophecy.”

“By then it was too late,” Bex inserted.

“Obviously,” Claire grumbled.

Gabe shook his head. “Not quite. She still had time.”

I looked around the room. “Where is Samuel?”

Claire shoved her hands into her jacket pockets. She wore sweats, her gathered gray pants pushed up to just below her knees and a matching hooded jacket over a ratty white tank top. She had been summoned unexpectedly. “Babysitting Ryan until I get back. Now that the trial is over, he’s vulnerable.”

“Is he okay?” I asked.

She nodded. “Kim goes home tomorrow. Father Francis is in stable condition, but he’ll be in traction for a while.”

Bex frowned. “That should have never happened. Clergy should have more protection than that.”

“Father Francis’ guardian is an Arch, Bex. His hands were tied when Donovan attacked him,” Claire explained.

“So what now?” Jared asked Gabe.

“Shax still wants his book. Hell doesn’t want the child to be born. Things are stacking against you, Jared,” Gabe said. “One thing at a time.”

“One thing at a time,” Jared repeated, letting his father’s advice sink in.

Gabe hugged his children one more time and then made his way toward the door. “It’s a long time between now and the time she delivers the baby, Jared. We’ll keep an ear to the ground, but be on alert. Heaven won’t step in until you give them a reason.”

“You mean start a war,” Jared said.

“Figure out a reason, Son.” In that instant, Gabriel was gone.

“Huh,” Bex puffed. “Weird.”

Claire’s shoulders dropped. “He’s never coming back, is he?”

“Probably not,” Jared said with a small, apologetic smile on his face.

Claire sat on the closest pew, beside her mother. She leaned against Lillian’s shoulder and closed her eyes, pushing the remaining tears down her face. “I’m so sorry you couldn’t see him,” Claire whispered.

“She’ll know,” Bex said. “She always knows.”

The windows began to brighten, and light danced down the walls as if the sun were rising.

Eli smiled, kissing me lightly on the cheek. “Congratulations, kiddo. On both counts. See you soon.”

“How soon?”

He smiled. “It’s as I said before. When there is only one question left to ask.”

“But . . . what does that mean? What is the question?” I asked, but I was talking to empty space. He was gone.

Claire stood, taking a deep breath. “I have to get back,” she said, looking behind her. Samuel stood at the door with an outstretched hand reaching in her direction. “You look beautiful,” she said to me with a small smile. In no hurry, Claire ambled down the aisle. Once her hand touched Samuel’s, she was gone as well.

Bex laughed once and shook his head. “That’s so cool.”

4. Little Heaven

Jared took my hand and led me to our former spots at the front of the church. Bex took a position beside his brother. We watched each other as the sun grew brighter, slowly brightening the faces of our audience. From the corner of my eye, I saw movement, and Father Julian shifted his weight, signaling their awakening.

The minister smiled, gesturing for us to turn. We faced our friends and family, and Father Julian placed his hands on each of our shoulders. “I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Jared Ryel.”

Every face in the room beamed, and applause filled the room. Even with the frightening events just moments before, joy consumed me. Jared’s hand enveloped mine, and we walked the few steps to the aisle and then made our way outside. It was surreal to return to the scene of Jared’s trial, this time in the sunshine where birds sang happily, riding the bobbing branches that swayed with the breeze. The plaza at the bottom of the chapel’s steps where Michael and his small army had stood not ten minutes before was now bathed in the warmth of the sun, waiting for our friends to occupy its smooth, rocked surface. The fountain was gushing and the road peppered with townspeople—I felt a bit sick at the sight of it.

“You okay?” Jared said, stopping to smile as Beth took our picture.

“Yeah . . . yeah, I just feel . . . confused.”

“Changing planes is unnatural and unsettling for humans, which is why they typically don’t allow it.”

“That explains a lot,” I said, stopping to pose for more pictures as Lillian, Cynthia, Chad, and Jared’s Uncle Luke and Aunt Maryse filed out of the chapel. “Does it”—I smiled again—“affect the baby?”

“No,” Jared answered, kissing my forehead.

“How do you know?” I said, leaning into his kiss.

He looked down to me and touched my cheek. “Otherwise Eli wouldn’t have done it.”

“Oh,” I said, my eyes wandering until I found Lillian. “Of course.”

Lillian hugged her son and then me. Her sweet, energetic smile lit up the island. I watched and waited, wondering if she realized she’d been in Gabriel’s presence just moments before.

“What is it?” she said, half curious, half amused.

“Nothing.” I smiled. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

“Not as much as I,” she winked.

Jared and I traded glances, wondering if she’d just given us a clue.

“Cynthia!” Beth called. “Stand beside Nina, and I’ll take a picture of the couple with their mothers.”

Cynthia fidgeted with her hair and then took her place beside me, poised and proper. I hooked my arm around her waist, and she stiffened when I pulled her closer.

“Smile!” Beth said, snapping a picture.

A few of the locals gathered on the street, their warm, smiling faces interlacing with the familiar faces our friends and family. They began clapping and singing, and then one of the grandmothers waved at us with her hands, encouraging us to walk. Jared tugged on my hand, and we walked to the street. I laughed with surprise and excitement when I realized they were following us, their hands clapping to the beat of their happy song. Our guests’ white faces were littered among the brown, sun-kissed skin of the townspeople. They followed us to a makeshift downtown, where a small group of men played music.

“You did this?” I asked Jared.

He smiled, amazed. “No. This one I didn’t do.”

We laughed together, amazed at the random celebration that grew around us. Jared pulled me to the center of the street, where we danced to the strumming guitars and hand-tapped percussion. Chad and Beth joined us, as did Luke and Maryse. Bex pulled his mother into the dirt street as well. If I didn’t know better, I would have felt bad for Cynthia, but I knew she preferred to stand away from the nonsense. Perfectly still.

The afternoon sun was warm, and my wedding dress wasn’t built to breathe in the Caribbean humidity. Jared sensed my dilemma and nodded, providing me a seat in the shade. An elderly woman brought me a fan with a smile of understanding. The band played on, and the townsfolk and our guests danced into the evening, long after the makeshift street lamps and hanging lights turned on to flicker and twinkle against the night.

“How do you feel?” Jared asked, handing me another glass of water.

“Good,” I smiled, taking a sip. “I feel good.”

“Feel like dancing?” he said. Jared gestured to the band, and it slowed the beat.

I eagerly let my husband take me by the hand to the middle of the celebration. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek against his chest. His heavenly scent took me away from trials and the war we would create to stay alive. It was then that I realized his skin wasn’t the feverish temperature it usually was.

“What is it?” Jared asked.

“You don’t feel as hot.”

“It’s probably because you’re overheating in that dress. I should have arranged for something you could change into.”

“I’m fine.” I smiled. “Quit fussing.”

Jared rested his jaw against my hair, and we moved slowly to the music. A slight breeze moved through the trees that lined the small cobblestone street in the center of the town. I sunk into Jared’s chest and let his arms totally engulf me. I had never been in more danger, and yet I had never felt so safe. The tribulations that we would face upon our return to Providence suddenly seemed so small in comparison to that moment.

I looked up to Jared and noticed his content smile. “Was it exactly what you hoped it would be?”

“Something like that,” he cooed. “Everything and more.”

My head felt heavy, and I rested it against my husband’s shoulder. My eyes swept across the landscape, seeing Beth and Chad dancing. They weren’t talking but smiling as they shared a sweet moment. It reminded me of the first time Jared and I had experienced Little Corn, and it was heartwarming to see the island make Beth and Chad feel the same way.

As the sun set, the villagers lit the primitive lamps that bordered the sidewalk. Jared and I stood with Bex, listening to Cynthia and Lillian discuss how beautiful the ceremony had been. I waited to hear some indication that Lillian knew of Gabe’s presence, but if she knew, she wasn’t letting on.

“Well, daughter,” Cynthia said, dabbing her forehead with a handkerchief, “I have an early appointment that Jared promised I would make. I best be off.”

“Thank you for coming, Mother,” I said, leaning in to hug her. Her embrace was more than the usual awkward squeeze. She held me to her and whispered in my ear.

“Be safe, dearest. I love you.”

Cynthia turned on her heels and walked quickly to a waiting pickup truck. She didn’t look back as the truck slowly faded into the dark jungle. I waited until I could no longer hear the engine, and then turned to Jared.

He offered a half smile. “She loves you.”

“I heard,” I said, stunned. “I mean of course she does. She’s just never . . . . She’ll make her appointment?”

“I’ve made sure of it,” Jared said. “Bex is at the boat dock now. He’s going to ride with her to the mainland and get her on the plane on time.”

“Good. Remind me to thank Bex later.”

“Oh”—Lillian put a thin arm around me and pulled me to her side—“he’s happy to do it. I’m going to catch a ride with Chad and Beth. She’s a sweet girl.”

“Yes, she is.” I smiled.

“See you at home. Come over for dinner soon, okay?”

“Promise,” Jared said, kissing her forehead.

“I love you both!” She waved, following Beth and Chad to another waiting vehicle.

“Where is our car?” I asked.

“I have the bike I drove over.”

I looked down to my dress. “You’re kidding.”

Jared laughed once. “No. Not at all.” He crouched and then brought up a bunched wad of my dress in his hands. “It’s a nice night. It’ll be fun.”

I shook my head and shrugged. “Why not? Cynthia’s not here to freak out about it.” I took the bunched tulle and silk under my arm and then took Jared’s hand. He led us past the band to a small dirt bike. We took several back roads that led us through a village or two—it was so dark I wasn’t sure if it was tin buildings passing by or just shadows cast by the trees. Before long, the trees thinned, and Jared slowed to a stop. Sounds of waves caressing the shoreline weren’t far away.

Jared took my hand, and we walked beyond the trail until I could feel wet sand breaching the borders of my sandals. The half-moon stubbornly glowed behind a thin, broken layer of clouds. We ambled to where the ocean met the sand, and walked along the beach. We didn’t talk, just walked hand in hand, listening to Little Corn.

The moon finally broke free of the clouds, and its silver light danced on the water. We came upon a large rock, and Jared motioned for me to sit.

“You must be exhausted,” he said, sitting next to me.

“I’m tired, but you only get one wedding day. I can feel a second wind coming on.”

Jared eyes turned soft, and they lingered on my lips. “I just wanted to be alone with you and the island for a little while.”

His eyes seemed to glow in the silver light, and suddenly I was nervous. It was silly to feel that way—I was pregnant, after all—but the pressure of our wedding night made it new again. We had no constraints, no worries about a pregnancy, or being walked in on, or nightmares. It was just us and the knowledge that we were about to consummate our marriage. For whatever reason, that made me incredibly anxious.

“What is it?” Jared asked.

Knowing I couldn’t comfortably explain my feelings without some embarrassment, I pulled him to me and touched my lips to his.

He pulled away, laughing once. “I’m a bit nervous about tonight. Isn’t that ridiculous?”

“No,” I said, tugging on his shirt. “I’m right there with you.”

“Yeah?” he said, relieved.

I nodded and then looked behind us. I returned to him, biting my lip. “How far are we from the casita?”

“It’s right there,” he said, nodding behind me.

“Maybe we should . . . I don’t know . . . get it over with isn’t the right word.”

Jared cleared his throat and then offered an ornery smile. “Get naked and get the nerves out of the way?”

My mouth fell open and I laughed out loud. “Jared!”

He laughed and lifted me into his arms, walking in the direction of the casita. “I didn’t say it was a bad idea.”

He carried me a few yards, past the trees, to the familiar surroundings of our casita. He opened the screen and then brought me inside, softly leaning me against the mattress. The moonlight faded away, and the wind picked up. With a hand on each side of my shoulders, Jared hovered over my body. Distant thunder rolled somewhere over the ocean. He leaned down and touched his lips to mine just as the first raindrops began to spatter against the tin roof.

Jared’s lips traveled in a line down my neck, and he anchored himself with a knee as he lifted me with one hand and unzipped the back of my wedding dress with the other. With both hands, I pushed back his jacket and slid the sleeves off of his arms and then unbuttoned the first two buttons of his white dress shirt. Impatient, I grabbed the hem and pulled it over his head.

Watching his bulging muscles tense and move under his smooth skin did nothing for my nerves. Determined to enjoy the comfort I usually enjoyed when we made love, I focused on undressing him. I worked on the button of his slacks and then ripped down the zipper.

“I said it was a good idea, but I didn’t promise not to take my time,” Jared said, kicking off his pants. He bent his elbows, letting his body press against mine.

“You can take your time,” I said. “We have all night. I think if I just get past this part I can relax,” I said, pressing my fingers into his back.

He reached under the skirt of my dress, and pulled the thin lacy fabric of my panties down my thighs, over my knees, and then past my ankles, letting them fall to the floor.

His hand traveled back up my leg, disappearing under the layers of silk. My legs tensed, and I sucked in a quick bit of air. A few moments later, I couldn’t help but close my eyes and let myself sink into the mattress.

“I’m glad you said that,” he said against my lips. “I fully intend to take all night.”

5. The End

I sat on the beach, listening to the waves. The last time I had come to this island, I pretended to be Mrs. Ryel. Now it was reality. I sighed and placed my hand on my belly. I wished things could be different, that I was like any other new bride, enjoying the beauty surrounding me on my first day as a wife. Wishing wouldn’t help and I knew that. Another life would mean the absence of Jared. If we had never met, most of the chaos wouldn’t have happened, and the worst-case scenario would have been to find out my father was a different person than I believed him to be. Apart from that disappointment, life would have continued on—mundane and mediocre. I would have married Ryan, worked at Titan, and borne a child or three. We would have lived day in and day out with respect and love, facing the day-to-day challenges of ordinary life.

My nose wrinkled. A life without Jared was unimaginable. Coupled with that stipulation, I didn’t want it. Chaos, a constant state of being on alert and uncertain, was a respectable tradeoff for a love like his. He didn’t ask for this, either, after all. The danger was what we went through to be together, and it was worth it for him. He never questioned it, and I grudgingly accepted it. It might not make sense to everyone, but then again, they could never understand. Most hadn’t experienced what I had. I’d been waited for, longed after, for years. The safety, security, and calm I felt with Jared were unmatched; no one else on earth made me feel that way. No one was held as sacred by their husband as I was, so they couldn’t fathom what one might endure to protect it. Our love, in all its imperfection, was perfect.

It was then that a moment of clarity came over me. From the moment I’d learned the truth, I had fought with the feeling of loss for a normal life, but without Jared, that life wouldn’t have as much meaning. Sure, I was an individual. I was a strong person. I didn’t need someone else to complete me, but I was happier with Jared than without him. More than happy. Why settle to prove that I was free? I was—with and without him. Being with him was a choice—a choice to love and be loved and exist in an affirmative state with someone. Even with the chaos going on around us, it was more than I could have hoped for. More than most hoped for. His love was the purest example of anything a human could feel for another. The more I weighed the options in my head, the less appealing normal became. It was downright insulting to compare the two. Suddenly, I couldn’t remember why I had missed it in the first place and scolded myself for ever letting Jared feel that I was anything but grateful for every moment he was in my life.

“How are you feeling, love?” Jared said from behind, bringing a tall glass of ice water.

“As if you have to ask. I feel really good. It seems like every day I feel better and better. Is that normal? Aren’t I supposed to feel sick or tired or both?”

“Not necessarily. What is normal when you’re carrying our child?” Jared said, taking a seat beside me.

We watched the surf together. The storm from the night before had raged until the early hours of the morning, and there was a good reason I knew that for a fact. Jared had kept his promise to take his time. I slept for an hour, maybe two, after the sun breached the horizon, before venturing to the beach. The ocean was endless, stretching out until it met the sky. The only way to tell one from the other was the slight difference in shade. I took in a deep breath and leaned against my husband.

“What is it?” Jared said, grazing his lips across a small patch of skin on my forehead.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said closing my eyes. I wanted to focus on the sounds of the waves rushing the beach, and the way the breeze blew my hair forward. If it were possible to block the frightening thoughts from my head, I would have. I wanted to pretend that the truths I had come across in recent years weren’t real. But they were, and inconceivable, nightmarish things waited for us at home. Those thoughts made it difficult to relax and enjoy my honeymoon, even with Jared’s tireless reassurance. I had finally accepted my life for what it was, but that didn’t make it less frightening.

“Look,” Jared said, nodding to a spot up the beach.

Samuel stood at least two hundred yards away, too far away for my human eyes to tell if he was watching us or the ocean.

Jared nuzzled the hair just above my ear. “He has been granted a temporary new post.”

“To babysit us?” I asked. “He must be thrilled.”

Jared chuckled. “Something like that. Hybrids don’t have Archs. Have I ever told you that?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“We don’t. Our job is to protect humans. That, along with our knowledge and abilities, makes having our own guardian angel redundant. Not to mention the curse . . . .”

“But you still need protection, don’t you?” I asked.

Jared thought for a moment. “We are born to protect. I think He sees it as an infinite waste of resources.”

I nodded. “I see.”

Jared’s brows pulled in, and he cocked his head a bit. “You seem different today.”

“I do? What’s wrong with me?”

Jared laughed. “Not your general well-being, I mean you, your behavior. You seem less on edge. Why is that?”

My brows shot up and I shrugged. “It’s not because I’m not worried, I can promise you that. I have one more year of college, I’ll be taking over Titan soon after . . . and I’m pregnant. The best part—my personal favorite—I have to be on guard for the next nine months just to stay alive long enough to deliver our baby and hope the Creator of the Universe decides against his own rules to help us do that.”

“Ten.”

“What?”

“It’s actually ten months. Forty weeks is ten months.”

I frowned. “That doesn’t help.”

Jared stifled a grin. “I was proud of you at the hearing.” When I didn’t reply, Jared explained further, “With Michael. You made a great case. It might have been what kept me out of serious trouble.”

“What might have happened? If Eli had decided against you?”

“The worst punishment would be death.”

“But,” I began, thinking as I spoke, “you can’t die unless I do.”

“Or if I’m found guilty of disturbing the balance. Heaven has zero tolerance for both of those things.”

“The baby supposedly disturbs the balance,” I said, touching my belly.

Jared put his hand on mine. “God didn’t create the baby, Nina, we did. Free will and the law are on opposite ends of the universe. I could explain it for the rest of your life, and you still wouldn’t understand. Even I don’t fully understand it all. Just know that the law is a constant and the balance is a variable. In our case, it depended on free will, and that makes the balance a whole new beast.”

“My head hurts,” I said.

“I’m sorry. More water?”

I looked down to my glass. It was empty. “I hadn’t even realized I’d touched it.”

Jared moved his hand up my arm, his fingers pressuring different spots. “Your temperature is elevated, but I believe it’s due to the pregnancy.”

I nodded, staring out into the ocean. “Will it ever be over, Jared? Once the baby is born, will we have to keep fighting every day?”

“No. Heaven will have to decide at some point that enough is enough. They will either save us or let us die. Once that decision is made, we are protected.”

I looked up to the sky. “Why doesn’t He just make His decision now?” Jared didn’t answer, and it was just as well. I didn’t expect him to. “Jared . . . ,” I hesitated. I didn’t want to ruin our perfect morning. “I think I should continue my training.”

He sighed. “You’re pregnant, Nina.”

“Yes, I know, but can we both agree that there may come a time when I might have to defend myself . . . or the baby? I’m not asking you to beat the crap out of me; I’d just like to spend more time with the firearms and for you to teach me some more complex moves.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Jared wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my head. “You’re right. We have to be prepared for anything. We’ll start when we get back.”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

He leaned back and lowered his chin so that I would meet his gaze. “You have to take it easy, though. I mean it.”

“I will. I promise.”

Satisfied, Jared took my glass and returned moments later with a fresh batch of ice floating in the water. I took a sip and sighed, trying my best to relax.

We sat in the morning sun, waiting as it crawled across the sky, hiding every so often behind the errant cloud. Jared and I were wrapped in each other’s arms, enjoying a small moment of peace. Eventually, my stomach began to protest.

I looked down and then to Jared. “I guess we better find something to eat.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t say anything sooner. You haven’t eaten since yesterday.”

“I’m surprised the baby didn’t say something sooner,” I said, extending my hand to Jared when he stood.

He tugged on my hand. “I can see I’m going to have to take better care of you.”

We made our way to the eating lodge, where just a few other patrons sat at a table across the room. I dove into the fresh fruit bowl on the table and then eagerly waited for the waiter to arrive.

An hour later, empty or nearly empty plates of grouper, callaloo, conch fritters, and other Caribbean cuisine lay all over our table. For someone who didn’t feel hungry, I couldn’t seem to stop eating.

I mashed the leftover crumbs from the banana bread we requested for dessert with my finger and then licked them off.

“Wow,” Jared said.

“What?” I said.

“You’ve always had a healthy appetite, but this is impressive.” He grinned.

“I suppose so.” I smiled. We both knew finishing the ridiculous amount of food I’d ordered was above and beyond anything I’d accomplished meal-wise before. Our table looked as if we’d had a dinner party with ravenous wolves.

“Ready for a nap?” Jared said, laying a large bill on the table.

“Let’s go exploring”—I smiled—“or snorkeling.”

“Snorkeling? Still not tired?”

“No. I feel amazing,” I grinned. Jared frowned. “What? I’m not supposed to feel amazing?”

“No. To me, you feel tired. You were hungry an hour before your stomach growled. I can’t decide if I’m losing my senses or that your body isn’t responding normally because of Bean. If it’s the latter, I don’t want you overdoing it.”

“Okay, so I’ll take a nap. Or at least rest a while if I can’t fall asleep.”

“Really?”

“Really. Why?”

Jared fidgeted. “It’s just that . . . you’re rarely this agreeable. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m in an alternate reality.”

“Wow. I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain in the ass. I thought couples were supposed to get along on their honeymoon?”

Jared’s brow rose. “So that’s it? You’re just being affable?”

“No, I trust you. You know my body better than I do, and I don’t want to do anything that could hurt the baby.”

Jared took a deep breath and blew it out. “It’s good to hear you say that.” When I frowned, he shook his head. “No, I’m serious. Sometimes I wonder.”

“You think I would do something to hurt our baby?”

“No!” Jared said, hugging me and chuckling at the same time. “No, that you trust me.”

“Of course I do,” I said against his chest. “Let’s go to the casita and lie down for a while.”

Jared nodded and then took my hand. He strolled down the dirt path, and we laughed and joked as we made our way to our whimsically painted tin hut. His eyes were brighter than I’d ever seen them, free of any clouds. When we reached the door, Jared lifted me in his arms and carried me to the bed, carefully lowering me onto my back.

“You know,” he said, brushing my hair away from my face, “I’ve always thought you extraordinarily beautiful, but this way”—he touched my rounding belly—“I can’t stop looking at you. You’re stunning.” His fingers returned to my hairline to sweep my bangs back, his fingertips gentle and soft against my skin. It felt so good that I could have melted into the bed I was so relaxed, but I wasn’t sleepy.

“You’re not supposed to say that until I’m big as a house and need a little encouragement to be seen in public every day.”

“I can’t wait to see that. I’ve been all over the world, but that will be the most marvelous, beautiful thing I’m ever going to see.”

“Until you see our child,” I noted.

Jared beamed. “I have a lot to look forward to.”

I cupped my fingers behind his ears and pulled him toward me, tasting his lips. “So do I.” I tugged at Jared’s shirt, and pulled it over his head. Jared pressed his warm chest against me, and I sighed. At least that part of our lives could return to normal.

“You should rest,” Jared whispered against my skin.

“I will,” I promised.

~*~

Just as I had closed my eyes, they were open. The sun still shined, and Jared sat on the edge of the bed, pulling his T-shirt over his head. He turned to me, puzzled.

“You promised to nap if we—”

“I did.” I yawned. “I slept so good. What time is it? I feel like I’ve slept all day.”

“Nina, it hasn’t even been twenty minutes.”

“You’re joking.”

Jared frowned. “This is disconcerting.”

“Why? I’ve never really been a nap-taker.”

“Yes, but when you do, you’re out for three hours.” Jared leaned down, pressing his ear gently to my belly. He stayed there for a moment and then sighed. “Something’s different. I can’t put my finger on it. You’re different.”

“I’m not. I told you I wasn’t sleepy. Let’s go snorkeling. I’m bored.” I stood and picked a bathing suit from the suitcase and hurried Jared to do the same. I prodded him to the beach, eager to have some fun. We snorkeled, we swam, we splashed each other, and we explored the farthest corners of the island. At night, we spent time together in the outside shower and then snuggled in bed. If I hadn’t already been pregnant, by the end of our honeymoon, I surely would have been. Jared was insatiable, and it seemed that with every quiet moment I whispered suggestive things in his ear.

Just like our last visit to Little Corn, the week went by too quickly. Jared noted the familiar sadness in my eyes as I packed.

“We can come back. When you graduate, after the baby is born, we can come back and stay as long as you’d like.”

“I have a company to run, you forget.”

“That will run just fine if you decide to take a leave of absence.”

I shrugged, repeating the tedious cycle of stuffing my wedding dress into the garment bag and then smoothing it out. “Maybe.”

Jared seemed to be out of sorts as well. We didn’t speak much as the hired help stacked our belongings in the truck and then again in the boat. Jared held me as the boat bounced across the waves to the main island, and we relied on small talk as we waited for the plane to depart from Nicaragua. It was as if we were saying goodbye for the last time to an old friend. It felt like a loss. This time, there would be no ring to cheer me up, only the ominous thoughts of what might be waiting for us at home.

The fairy tale was over.

Once we were in U.S. airspace, I immediately dialed Beth to see what the situation was at Titan. Sasha had worked to make life difficult for everyone, and Grant was more than ready for me to return so he could leave for his own vacation. Just a few weeks of school were left, and then summer hours would be enforced.

Ryan was still recovering in the hospital. Beth noted that Claire never left him alone for a moment. Her comment made me think about the times I visited Ryan in the hospital after he was attacked, and I wondered if he had taught her the Logo game. I couldn’t imagine Claire sitting beside his bed, giggling and being silly. She was more likely to pout in the corner, trying to ignore his vies for attention and incessant questions. I hoped that I was wrong.

The pilot announced on the overhead speaker that we would make our descent soon. Jared tightened my seat belt and kissed the tender skin in front of my ear, whispering that it would be okay. I didn’t feel particularly nervous about the landing, but I assumed he meant life in Providence. With everything that had happened in Little Corn, it was easy to get lost in that other world and pretend real life in Rhode Island was just a bad dream. But the bad dream was real, and we were about to live it.

Descending the stairs of the jet and then walking across the tarmac to the waiting car were eerily familiar. The ground was wet from a late-spring thunderstorm; the air was so thick it seemed palpable. Samuel stood a hundred yards away, staying in the background, but allowing us to see him. Jared already knew he was there, so I knew his presence was for me. This time, though, Jared didn’t go to him. He walked with me to the car and nodded to our driver, Robert, as he held the door.

My cell phone buzzed and I answered. Grant wasted no time, updating my schedule, hinting that I should come in right away. An important meeting was scheduled during one of my classes the next day, and he wanted to go over some key points with me to compensate for my absence.

I hung up the phone and sighed. “Maybe I should—”

“You’re already looking forward to several days of makeup work and tests, and don’t forget finals coming up soon. Grant can handle it.”

I nodded. “You’re right. I’ll meet with him this evening. He has an hour, and then I’ll hit the books.”

Jared shook his head.

“What? What did I say?”

“You. Agreeing with me without a single argument. It’s something I’ll have to get used to.”

I pressed my lips together in a hard line, trying not to smile. I must have been a true nuisance to him. I owed him a nice long vacation from my stubbornness.

“I can’t believe I’ve been so awful to you. I’m sorry.”

Jared took my hand in his and turned to face me. “You have not been awful. You’ve had an incredible amount to deal with, and doing things on your terms was important to you. Making choices was the only shred of control you had in this entire, crazy situation. I’ve never begrudged you that. In fact, it’s one of the things I love about you.”

“Regardless, consider it significantly toned down.”

Jared smiled. “You don’t have to apologize for coping. It’s been tough for everyone. It’s been a lot. However, I won’t lie and say I’m not going to enjoy the new attitude.”

I leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. “You’re going to see a lot of new from me. I don’t want to be a victim anymore. I am now an active participant in what happens to me and my family. We’re going to get through this together or not at all.”

Jared beamed. “You amaze me every day.”

“Well, if you’re quite finished being amazed, I need to go into work for a bit. Robert? We’ll need the Escalade.”

Robert glanced at me in the rearview mirror with his wrinkled, kind eyes. “Yes, ma’am.” He made a turn, taking us to our home. That was one thing very different from our last trip to Little Corn. Home was no longer the loft.

The tires crunched across the gravel drive, and Robert slowed the car to a stop next to Jared’s SUV. The door opened and Robert lent me a hand. “It’s good to have you back, Miss . . . .” Robert seemed flustered for a moment before speaking again. “I deeply apologize, Mrs. Ryel.”

I smiled. “Just for that, you get a raise, Robert.”

He nodded to Jared and then popped the trunk, pulling our bags from the back. “I’ll have your things laundered and returned to your room.”

“Thank you, Robert,” Jared said. He grabbed my hand and led me to the Escalade, pulling open the door. He lifted me into his arms and placed me gently in the passenger seat. “Since I don’t have time to carry you across the threshold, I suppose this will have to do.”

I laughed. “It’ll do,” I said, placing each of my hands on his cheeks for a quick kiss.

Providence seemed different. Remnant rain dripped from the trees, the beautiful buildings still loomed over the streets, and the traffic still made walking across the post-storm street a challenge for pedestrians who wished to remain dry. But it was foreign somehow. Providence would always be home, but for now it was a battleground—a place to stand off with those who would harm my child. For the next months until I gave birth, I would walk the streets on guard, in constant suspicion of everyone I came across and cautious of every dark street. Having no idea when Hell would act or what they had in store for us, it was more important now than ever to be prepared and vigilant. All things considered, I was glad it was on my own turf. My ancestors weren’t just Rhode Islanders. I was Nephilim. We survived King David, the flood, and the yellow fever epidemic of 1797. My husband was half angel. I could stand up to whatever they could throw at me. That was what I would keep telling myself, anyway. No sense in worrying myself to death about it.

“What is that?” Jared said, referring to whatever emotion he was sensing.

I shrugged. “Courage, I think,” I said. “We can do this. I believe in you. I believe in us.”

Jared’s eyes darkened a bit, and he reached over the console to grab my hand. The muscles under his jaws twitched, and his fingers tensed as they intertwined with mine. “I definitely like the new attitude.”

6. Answer

Titan’s tall, block-and-mortar façade loomed over Fleet Rink. Summer was just a few weeks away, and the rink had been transformed from its usual icy amusement to a popular hangout for local rollerbladers. Jared parked in his usual spot, kissing my lips before I stepped out onto the sidewalk and to the front entrance of the lobby.

I paused; the first few steps without Jared felt strange. Except for the few hours I spent getting ready for the wedding, Jared and I had been side by side every day for a week. An unsettling feeling came over me, as if I’d forgotten my cell phone or locked my keys inside the car.

I pushed through the front door and walked across the lobby, dismissing my unease. Jared remaining in the car meant that everything was just fine. If he sensed even the slightest bit of danger, he would be next to me.

“Get a grip, Nina,” I whispered to myself. Inside the elevator, I pressed the button and took a deep cleansing breath as the doors slid closed. When they opened again, the relaxing breath proved to be futile.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Sasha said. With one hand on her hip and one hand holding a short stack of papers, her long red curls set off her sharp features. A mature person would admit that Sasha was beautiful—I, however, had accepted long ago that Sasha brought out the stubborn, angry child within.

“Oh, my! Did you get yourself a perm while I was away? I guess the eighties are coming back.” I brushed past her, deciding against shoving my shoulder into her bony arm.

“Hot rollers. Grant made a point to mention the curls today, too.”

“Where is Grant?”

“In his office. He waited for half an hour in yours. You’re late.”

“I came straight from the airport. Why are you still here?”

Sasha shrugged. “I keep whatever hours Grant keeps.”

I rolled my eyes and held out my hand. “Are those for me?”

“Yes,” she said, handing them over. “I was about to make copies.”

“That won’t be necessary. Thanks for staying, but you should head home.” I took the papers and made my way to Grant’s office. His shoeless feet, in hideous tan and green argyle socks, rested on his desk.

“There she is: Mrs. Peanut.”

“Don’t start,” I said, setting the documents on his desk. “I told you I would be right over. Why did you send Sasha to make copies of these?”

Grant covered his face with his hands. “Sasha’s a sweet girl—to me—but she’s an overachiever. I’ve been making up things for her to do.”

I laughed once. “She wants the assistant job. That’s why she’s been in your hair.”

“In my hair, in my office, in my desk, in my face, in my way, she’s incorrigible. I honestly don’t have enough for her to do. She refuses to help out in the other departments and won’t leave until I do.”

“Grant. She’s an intern. She shouldn’t refuse to do anything.”

Grant thought about my comment for a moment and then nodded. “That’s true. You can give her a new assignment in the morning.”

“Oh, no, you’re not pawning this off on me. Sasha is your problem.”

Grant fell back against his chair. “I don’t want to upset her, and you don’t seem to mind. I thought you’d be happy to do it.”

“How has this company lasted so long with such a weenie in charge?” I said, scanning the document. “Are these . . . bullet points?”

“I had Sasha type it out. I told her I didn’t want to forget anything.” I made a face and Grant shrugged. “I didn’t see her for an hour. She had trouble perfecting the margins.”

“Grant, you know this account inside out. You didn’t need to touch base with me. Just get the damn agreement signed and send them on their way.” I stood, irritated he had wasted my time.

“I plan on it. The trouble is this deal has the potential to take Titan in a different direction than what your father had envisioned.”

“Jack envisioned making money. Do the deal.”

Grant’s shoulders fell, and his eyes lowered to his desk, despondent.

“Wait a minute,” I said, pointing my finger at him. Grant immediately tensed. He was caught. “You didn’t want to talk about the meeting at all! You wanted me to take care of Sasha for you!”

Grant reached out to me. “You don’t understand! She reorganizes my desk every morning! She makes lists for my to-do lists!”

“You’re not married to the woman. I can’t believe you pulled me away from my first night back from my honeymoon for this.”

His eyebrows shot up. “How was it, by the way? Must have been somewhere tropical. You managed a decent tan. I never thought you would run off and get married. Jack wouldn’t have approved.”

“You can’t elope when you’ve been engaged as long as we have. It was more last-minute planning. I’ll call you tomorrow between classes for updates.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Grant said, staring at the information packets on his desk. Sasha had undoubtedly worked on them throughout the week. They were color-coded and alphabetized. “She . . . uh . . . thought it would personalize the packets to put their names on them in calligraphy.”

“She’s a calligrapher?”

Grant slumped in his chair. “She thought we should hire one for the task.”

My face flushed. Grant was now allowing Sasha to misuse company funds for one of her ridiculous whims. “I’ll have a talk with Sasha tomorrow. Beth has mentioned that the filing room needs some attention.”

“Break it to her gently.”

I rolled my eyes. “Weenie.”

My office looked exactly as I’d left it. Beth had de-cluttered a bit during the week, but other than that, it was untouched. I sat in my father’s chair and let out a cleansing breath. Taking over the company wasn’t supposed to happen until after graduation, and I wondered how I would juggle my last year at Brown with my pregnancy and the pressure of running Titan. I would be a mother before I’d be a college graduate. Everything was happening so fast.

A familiar pair of hands gently touched the bare skin between my shirt and neck. Jared’s thumb massaged my tense muscles. My head automatically bowed, and I sighed. Without a word, he kneeled behind me and let his lips trail from my shoulder to my neck. I tilted my head, making the passage easier for him.

“You never come in here,” I said, smiling. “I must be really tense.”

His hand made its way down my shoulder, arm, and then traveled slowly down my side, resting on my belly. His fingers pressed into my skin, palming my belly like a basketball. His firm grip took me off guard, and I felt my eyebrows move in, curious as to what he was up to. His lips weren’t as soft as they usually were; instead they felt dry and scratchy.

“A little lip balm goes a long way, love,” I whispered.

“Is this unpleasant for you?” A voice rasped.

I looked down. The hand cupping my belly had pasty, abnormally long fingers. The nails were filthy, and came to a point at the ends.

When I turned, a pale face and black eyes were just inches from my face. The creature grinned, revealing two rows of unnatural, razor-sharp teeth.

I sat up straight and blinked my eyes. The office was dark and quiet, except for the sound of my heart thumping in my ears. My breath was quick and shallow. The frightening man was no longer behind me, but a dark figure sat in the green chair on the other side of my desk. I gasped.

Jared reached out. “It’s okay. It’s okay; it’s just me.”

“Oh,” I said, touching my fingertips to my chest.

“You’re shaking.”

“Bad dream. I must have dozed off.”

“It’s been a long week,” Jared said, forcing a small smile. “My dad wasn’t there, was he?”

“No,” I said, trying to calm myself. “No. I don’t know who it was—someone with too many teeth.”

Jared nodded once. “I could sense them.”

“Or it’s just that I’m pregnant. I’ve read pregnant women notice an increase in nightmares.”

Jared frowned. He was always one to imagine the worst. With good reason, granted, but it would be nice if he would admit for once that something perfectly normal could be the culprit. I stood, grabbed my briefcase from the floor, and then shoved my feet into my shoes. I didn’t remember taking them off. I must have been exhausted.

“Claire called,” Jared said.

“Is something wrong?”

“Ryan’s fine. They were wondering if we wanted to join them for dinner.”

“At the hospital?”

“They’re bored.”

I ran my fingers through my hair and wiped the mascara that had likely smudged under my eyes. “I am hungry. That’s the best time to eat hospital food, right?”

“I thought we could bring some take-out.”

“Even better,” I said, opening the door. “I know just the place.” Jared put his hand on the knob over mine and leaned down to kiss my lips. Instantly, I felt better. His lips were their usual soft and smooth, not as warm, though.

I took a deep breath and smiled. There were no bullets raining down, no explosions, and no men breaking into the building with automatic assault rifles. Our first day back would be without event. I dared to hope that Hell would wait until the baby came to bother with threats. Their typical pride and overconfidence would give us a little more time to plan and to win over some key allies on the other side.

As we drove through the streets of Providence, it suddenly seemed like the home I had known in my childhood. In that moment, it wasn’t harboring threats at every corner; it didn’t seem dark and sinister. It was the picturesque, bustling, traffic-heavy town I remembered—where I was born, where my child would be born, and where I’d walked the streets with my father. Providence was the backdrop of my love story with Jared. It was still home, and this is where we would make our stand.

“You’re curiously relaxed this evening,” Jared said.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “Everything just feels right.”

“That’s encouraging.”

We picked up dinner and then made our way to the hospital. When the elevator doors opened, Jared grabbed my hand and led me to Ryan’s room. The door was open, but it was quiet inside.

Claire sat next to the head of Ryan’s bed. Her head was resting on her fist, and she was smiling at him. Ryan’s fingers mindlessly twisted a section of blanket next to Claire’s arm. They seemed to be engaged in a sweet conversation about nothing in particular. I remembered when I was in that chair, giggling at Ryan’s nonsensical humor, and I was glad to see the light back in his eyes.

The IVs and telemetry leads were no longer streaming from different parts of his body. He seemed so relaxed with Claire next to him. I reached out for Jared’s hand. His knuckles brushed against mine as our fingers interlaced, and I looked up at him. He was smiling at his baby sister, pleased to see her finally content.

Ryan’s eyes wandered to the doorway where we stood. Claire slowly turned our direction and offered a small smile.

“Knock, knock,” Jared said, holding up the bags of take-out. “Cheeseburgers. Nina said it’s your favorite.”

Ryan’s smile turned into a cheesy grin, and he threw his head back. “Oh, thank God! I thought I would starve to death. Oh,” Ryan said, chewing an oversized wad of cheeseburger, “Red Stripe has the best burgers. Seriously. You shouldn’t do this to me in the hospital. I might think I’ve died and gone to heaven.”

Claire rolled her eyes. “Could you be a little more dramatic about a cheeseburger?”

Ryan stopped chewing and wiped the bit of ketchup off the corner of his mouth with his wrist. “You don’t have to be jealous of a burger, honey.”

“Oh, brother,” Claire said. She pointed at Ryan. “Do you see what I have to deal with? Will one of you call OSHA?”

“I don’t know,” Jared said. “You looked fairly pleased when we walked in.”

Ryan took another bite and then smiled. “She acts tough every time someone visits. She doesn’t fool me, though.”

“Who else has visited?” I asked.

“Mom, Kim, Beth, Chad, and Josh. Yeah, that’s about it. No, wait—”

“How did that go? With your mom?” I asked.

Claire frowned, and Ryan winked at her. “It went fine. She’s developed a theory. Because you showed up the last time I was in a hospital and now Claire’s here, Mom thinks I’m getting myself hurt over girls.”

“Aren’t you?” Jared said with a wry smile.

“Shut it, Jared,” Claire warned.

I handed Ryan his cup of soda. “You know, this is becoming a habit.”

His whiskers were far beyond a five o’clock shadow, and his hair had grown downright shaggy. He looked so much older than the last time I’d seen him in that hospital and nothing like the soldier in the photos he’d sent with his letters. “Tell me about it. I thought I said two hospitalizations ago that it was your turn?”

“I took a turn.”

“Yeah, so you almost bled out, big deal. I’m three to your one.”

“Well, I’m pregnant, so I’m due for a hospitalization this year,” I said, processing the words as I spoke them.

Ryan laughed. “Wait . . . what?” he said, his face morphing from amusement to concern.

I looked to Claire. “You didn’t tell him?”

She shrugged, her platinum angled tresses bouncing when she did so. “It’s your business to tell. Way to dump it on him, stupid.”

I frowned. Ryan mirrored my expression. “Congratulations,” he said. He glanced to Jared, sent him a lightning-fast dirty look, and then returned his focus to me. He pushed up in bed, sitting taller.

“Say it,” Jared said.

Claire watched the exchange, clearly unhappy. I wasn’t sure if she was just sensing Ryan’s change in mood or if it was her own reaction to the sudden, unpleasant turn in conversation.

“It’s not my place to say anything,” Ryan said.

“You have my permission,” Jared said. After his last word, he gestured for Ryan to continue.

Ryan rolled his eyes and looked to Claire. “Isn’t this exactly what none of you wanted to happen?”

Claire seemed uncomfortable answering for her brother, but she quickly shrugged it off. “Yes and no. Not going along with the prophecy in Shax’s book would have been the safer route—in theory—but Hell would more than likely still anticipate its completion. Now that it’s happened, it’s a means to an end. We have a better chance at getting Heaven on our side.”

Ryan was right to ask Claire. Jared was well known for lengthy explanations. Claire went right to the point.

Ryan’s eyes drifted away from Claire to me. “Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “Great. Fantastic, actually. I feel as if I could run a marathon.”

Ryan smiled. “That’s good.” He turned to Claire. “That’s good, right?”

Her nose wrinkled. “Why are you asking me?”

“I don’t know.” Ryan shrugged. “I thought you might know better than anyone else.”

Claire stood, laughing once. “I’m hardly the expert. It’s never been an option for me, so I didn’t bother asking my mother about the details.”

“Why wouldn’t it be an option?”

Claire rolled her eyes. “Because I’m busy.”

“With what?” he said, dubious.

Claire placed both of her palms face down on the bed and looked at Ryan. “Keeping you alive.”

Ryan’s hand slid slowly across the blanket. His fingers layered hers. “Well . . . what if we were together? That could make it an option.”

Claire straightened quickly and crossed her arms. “Dream on.”

The corners of his mouth turned up. He enjoyed unsettling Claire far too much for his own good. “Am I wrong?”

“First of all,” she said, shifting her weight, “it’s never going to happen. Second, I’d have a hard time protecting you when I’m as round as a bowling ball.”

“I bet you could,” Ryan said. “I can stay out of trouble for nine months.”

Claire raised an eyebrow. “You can’t stay out of trouble for one month. You’ve been hospitalized, had major surgeries, and needed extensive rehabilitation three times in as many years.”

His eyes turned soft. “I would if I had to. I’d do it for you.”

She cupped her hand over his mouth. “Shut up.”

Jared fidgeted, feeling out of place. “Uh . . . we should go.”

“No!” Claire said. She pulled back her hand and wiped it on her leggings. “No, you should stay. I’ll uh . . . I’ll get more chairs.”

“I’ll help you,” Jared said. He briefly kissed my cheek before following Claire into the hall.

“Wow,” I said, taking a seat beside the bed. “You can clear a room better than I. And that’s saying something.”

Ryan frowned. “She’s tough. Tougher than you.”

“Without a doubt.” I nodded.

“No, I mean, yes, but not in the physical way. She’s here every second while I heal. I know she has to watch over me, but she doesn’t have to sit beside my bed and hold my hand.”

“She holds your hand?”

Ryan offered a half-smile. “The first morning—when I woke up—she was holding my hand with both of hers. The second I opened my eyes, she let go. But yes, she did.”

“Okay, but you don’t have to torture her. By her actions, she must care about you. This is Claire you’re dealing with. You can’t force it.”

Ryan turned on his side, leaning on his elbow. “Nina, you’re pregnant. Some rough shit is going to go down. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe the day you give birth to Lil’ Bitty Saint Ryel.” He pointed to my belly. “But I think we can all agree that taking time for granted is precarious.”

“Precarious,” I said. “I’m so impressed.”

“Shut your face.” Ryan grinned. “I love her. I want to be with her and not just around her. It’s even worse knowing she’s not here but she’s still somewhere around.”

“I know the feeling,” I said. My eyes unfocused as I remembered a not-so-distant past where I struggled studying in my dorm room at Andrews Hall, knowing Jared was somewhere nearby, talking into a microphone hanging from my wall, standing in the freezing rain, and knowing he would come.

“I think she likes me, too; she just won’t admit it. I just gotta crack that shell.”

Ryan’s voice snapped me back to reality. “Good luck,” I said.

Claire and Jared returned carrying chairs in their arms.

“I love you,” Ryan said, looking straight at Claire. She stood, speechless.

“Smooth.” I nodded.

“I . . . uh,” Claire said, looking around. She set the chairs on the floor and then looked at her brother. “Someone else might visit. I better get more chairs.”

When the door closed behind her, Ryan looked down and laughed once without humor. “So stubborn.”

“Better than stupid,” Jared said.

Ryan’s head jerked up. “Excuse me?”

“Let her do her job,” Jared said, his voice flat.

“Coming from you, that’s hysterical.”

The tension between them thickened the air in the room. “Come on, guys,” I said.

Jared’s eyes were tight, and Ryan leaned forward a bit. Any civility between them had always seemed forced. It was only a matter of time before they exchanged words.

Jared shifted. “What is that supposed to mean, exactly, Ryan?”

“You seem to forget why everyone is in this mess to begin with. If you’d done your job by the book, none of this would have happened. So how about you let us all make our own choices without judgment?”

Jared’s body was rigid; his jaw tight. I waited for him to let Ryan have it—to come back with one of his undeniable and logical retorts, but he didn’t. Without a word, he left the room.

“Finally, he’s speechless,” Ryan said, relaxing back against the bed.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” I said.

Ryan frowned. “Why not? Because he’s Jared? He has no problem telling everyone else what they’ve done wrong, but he hasn’t made the best choices, either. He insinuated I’m keeping Claire from doing her job when he was in the same situation not too long ago.”

“I know.”

“Then why defend him? Why can’t you just say, ‘Ryan, you’re right. Jared’s wrong.’”

“Because he’s trying his best. Because with everything he does, he tries to do what’s right and what’s in everyone’s best interest. He loves me, and your rubbing it in his face after the fact is just cruel.”

“He should keep his opinions to himself,” Ryan said, crossing his arms.

“Trying to hold on to some control in a situation where he has none is not unreasonable. Claire is his baby sister. He’s loved her far longer than you have, and he has firsthand knowledge of how hard it is to be in love with your Taleh. He’s just trying to save her from what we’ve experienced. You should think about that.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow. “So you regret it?”

“What?”

“You regret falling in love with him? Knowing everything?”

“No and no! Of course not. It’s just hard, that’s all.”

“What isn’t?”

“A normal relationship?”

“Says whom?”

“Normal people.”

“What would you know about normal people?”

“I know a few!” I said. Ryan was attempting to subdue a smile. He enjoyed getting under my skin. Poor Claire. She wasn’t the most patient person, anyway, and the most annoying, argumentative, persistent butt nugget—as Bex had once called Ryan—was in love with her.

“What are you smiling about?” he said.

“Oh, nothing, feel better,” I said, waving to him before opening the door.

“Wait! You’re going to leave me alone?”

“We’re never alone.” I smiled.

Jared stood in the hallway with Claire. She was looking up at him, whispering words of comfort. He seemed to be a bit calmer, listening to her every word.

“He’s all yours.” I smiled at Claire.

“Huh?” Claire said.

I took Jared’s hand. “He knows the exact thing to say to throw you into a rage, and you just let him.”

“It’s different with him,” Jared said. “I can’t explain it other than pure, unadulterated hatred.”

“Once upon a time it was me he was after, and now he’s being just as annoying while pursuing your baby sister.”

“Exactly.”

“What if he weren’t?”

“Weren’t what?” he said, clueless as to where I was going with the conversation. A rush of exhilaration swept over me. Jared being on the wrong side of enlightenment was quite satisfying.

“In love with Claire. Honey,” I said, standing on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck, “this is a very good thing.”

“For you, maybe,” Claire grumbled.

“Did you forget what it means that he loves her? They are meant to be together; not him and me. Best of all? You would’ve had to deal with Ryan either way, but because he loves Claire, it isn’t because you’re watching him annoy the crap out of me—it’s because he’s annoying Claire.” I allowed a proud, wide smile to stretch across my face, even though Claire looked as if she wanted to shove her fist into the wall. Through my face.

Jared’s face relaxed and he chuckled. “All true,” he said, leaning down to kiss me. “It could be worse. Much worse.” He looked to Claire. “Sorry. Good luck.”

She glared at both of us as we departed down the hall.

“Er . . . hey, Nina?” Claire called.

I turned, noticing again how tiny she was. Her skintight blue leggings and oversized, off-the-shoulder T-shirt made her seem even smaller. Her ankle-high boots scooted across the hospital floor as she approached.

“Yes?”

She laced her fingers on top of her head, clearly exasperated. “You really think I’m just being stubborn? You think that’s why he’s my Taleh? Because we’re meant for each other?”

“Yes,” I said. “You care about him, don’t you?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. She let one hand fall to her side; the other to her mouth. “I guess so.”

I looked to Jared and gestured with my eyes to Claire. Jared frowned, but when I persistently jerked my head in Claire’s direction, he spoke up. “It’s okay, Claire. I can’t say I like the guy, but I don’t see another purpose for it to happen the way it did. Do you? Because if you do, I’d love to hear—mmph.” He puffed, jerking when I elbowed him in the ribs. I didn’t hurt him, of course, but I still enjoyed his reaction.

“No,” Claire whispered. “I don’t see another purpose.” She walked slowly to Ryan’s door, deep in thought. She turned the knob and then shook her head. “Doesn’t mean I should muddy the waters.”

We followed her in, noticing her pulling her chair farther away from Ryan’s bed. She ate her burger quietly, and Ryan watched her for a moment and then looked down when he realized he wouldn’t get the reaction he’d hoped for.

I felt bad for him. I knew all too well how awful it felt to love someone who insisted on keeping a distance. “So you’re feeling better? When do you report back for duty?”

“They gave me a week off. Too bad I wasn’t on duty when this happened. Could have saved me a chunk of change.”

“Don’t worry about the bill, Ryan,” I said. “It’s taken care of.”

Ryan opened his mouth to argue, but he knew it was futile. He had no way to pay for what the little insurance he had wouldn’t cover. He managed a humble nod. “This is my last time. Next time it’s someone else’s turn. I’m not playin’ around. I mean it.”

Claire’s frown softened; the corners of her mouth turned up an infinitesimal amount. Her expression reminded me of the way Jared used to try to hide his emotions when he was fighting tooth and nail to stay away from me. Claire definitely had an uphill battle. Ryan was far more persistent than I was.

We enjoyed our late-night dinner, teasing one another about our last few days together before Jared and I left for Little Corn. Ryan recounted his recovery, and Claire halfheartedly complained about being his nursemaid. Mentions of demons, Shax, and Isaac sprung in and out of our conversation. Discussing the paranormal elements of my life outside of the Ryels felt both a relief and strange. But there we were: sitting around a room, discussing the sickening odor of the hundreds of misshapen creatures scaling the walls of St. Ann’s.

“Have you heard about Father Francis?” I asked.

Claire nodded. “He’s home. The first night was touch and go, and then he came right out of it. His doctors were amazed.”

Jared touched my hand. Ryan’s eyes zeroed in on the movement.

“So,” Ryan said, “I hear you two skipped town for a while. You’re . . . tanner.”

“Yes,” I said, nodding once. “We went to Little Corn.”

“Again?” Ryan said.

Claire’s eyes didn’t leave Ryan’s face. She watched warily for an expression she didn’t want to see.

Jared squeezed my hand. “We decided to get married in the chapel there.”

Ryan nodded. It was obvious an inner monologue was monopolizing his thoughts. Claire didn’t move. She waited silently, but I couldn’t decide what she was waiting for.

“What’s the rush?” Ryan said.

“Didn’t you hear her say that she’s pregnant?” Claire said with disgust.

Ryan’s head jerked in her direction. “Yeah? So?”

I shrugged. “We were engaged, anyway, Ryan. It didn’t make sense to wait.”

“You’re married. To Jared.” Ryan’s eyes were wide with shock, his eyebrows as high as he could push them. Claire’s body was tense, her eyes fixed on Ryan. In the next moment, a wide grin was plastered across his face.

“Congratulations, Nigh! That’s wicked awesome!”

Claire’s blank stare melted away, and she took a deep breath. She managed a small smile and then looked to me. Had I not seen the same pleading expression on Jared’s face the year before, I might have missed it. She was worried that Ryan was still in love with me.

“Thanks,” I said, looking down.

Thinking back on the past year, the dynamic between the four of us couldn’t have been more different. Even so, it seemed every word uttered and every decision each of us made, led us to this very moment. Ryan looked at Claire with nothing less than adoration, and Jared reached over, resting his palm on my belly.

A knock on the door abruptly disturbed our sweet little moment.

“Kim!” Ryan said.

Her clothes were dirty, hair a mess. A small brown satchel hung from her shoulder, secured under her arm. I assumed it was the book. She was forced to keep it with her at all times. Kim was the only one who could keep the Naissance de Demoniac safe from Shax and his demons.

She didn’t look like herself at all. “You!” She pointed to Jared. “You made me a promise, Half-Breed, and you’re going to keep it.”

7. Broken Promise(s)

Kim breathed hard; her arm outstretched with a pointed finger just shy of Jared’s nose. The air in the room was immediately heavy; the hairs on my neck stood on end. The Others were following her more closely, now, just waiting for her to make a mistake. Shax was back in Hell where he belonged, but his failure only made him more determined to have his property returned to him before Kim and Jared hand it over to the safety of the Holy Sepulchre Church in Jerusalem.

The constant presence of the enemy had taken a toll on Kim. The skin under her eyes was a deep shade of purple. Kim’s typically flippant and impervious nature had slowly slipped away over the last two years. Her possession as a teenager had left her with the ability to take power from demons that Hell didn’t understand, making her the perfect guardian of the book—until it could be returned to the one place Shax couldn’t reach. She was just as desperate to free her family from the Naissance de Demoniac as Shax was to take it from them.

A nurse walked in, momentarily taking notice of Kim’s curious body language, but quickly dismissed it when she began taking Ryan’s vitals.

Pulling the stethoscope from her ears, the nurse seemed satisfied. “Doc said you can be discharged, but because it’s late, he wants to keep you one more night and let you go first thing in the morning.”

Kim lowered her hand, letting it fall to her thigh.

“Agh.” Ryan huffed. His expression screwed into disgust.

Claire rolled her eyes. “One more night is nothing. Quit whining.”

One side of Ryan’s mouth pulled up. “When I get home, you can come into the apartment, you know. You don’t have to sit outside in the Lotus.”

“No, thank you. I can’t do my job properly and listen to you flap your jaws all night.”

“We don’t have to talk.” Ryan grinned.

Jared stood. “On that note, we’ll be leaving”—he looked to me—“preferably before I vomit cheeseburger in Ryan’s lap for insinuating anything remotely intimate about my baby sister.”

Claire was speechless and I frowned. “Ryan. Really?” I said.

Ryan laughed hysterically.

Jared promptly led me to the elevator by the hand. He couldn’t get away from Ryan fast enough. Kim followed us into the hallway. Jared pushed the button and then waited for Kim to speak.

She crossed her arms, already saying what she had come to say. She watched Jared expectantly.

He sighed. “I need more time.”

“You promised. What are you waiting for, anyway? Nina is pregnant. The prophecy has begun. It can only go one of two ways now.”

“I want to take it back to Woonsocket and spend a couple of days with Father Francis. We could find a weakness. We could find a way to avoid a confrontation all together.”

“That’s reaching, even for you,” Kim said. Her pale cheeks were turning a soft shade of red. Kim being upset was so foreign to me that I almost couldn’t process it.

“You and Nina just have a few weeks before summer break. Nina can’t miss any more classes, and I can’t go without her.”

Kim narrowed her eyes. “You think I care about classes? This is serious, Jared. You promised that if I helped you get the book back you would help me return it to Jerusalem. You promised.”

Jared rubbed the back of his neck, clearly frustrated. The elevator door opened, and he pulled both Kim and me inside. An elderly couple walked toward the door. The older gentleman held up his hand, signaling for us to hold the elevator, but Jared quickly pushed the button for the doors to close.

“Jared!” I said, appalled. “Remind me why we can’t just let Shax have the damn thing?”

Kim shot a sharp look in my direction. “Because it gives him tremendous power, power that someone from the days of Jesus was so afraid for him to have that they risked taking it from him. Now that your fathers have pissed him off, if we hand over his bible, the first person he’ll annihilate with that power is you.”

Jared squared his shoulders and lowered his chin. “I understand that you want to return the book and why. Trust me; I do. But when we . . . once we do this, Kim . . . it can’t be undone. I will never get this chance again.”

Kim matched his glare. “Then get it done.”

The elevator door slid open, and Kim walked into the main lobby of the hospital. She didn’t say another word, and she didn’t acknowledge me at all.

Jared and I walked to the Escalade in silence. Both of their arguments made sense. Who could disagree with either side when they both wanted to protect someone they love? My first inclination was to insist Jared hold up his end of their bargain, but protecting me meant protecting our child. Bean was my first priority.

Jared seemed even more conflicted than I. He was a good man, and going against his word clearly bothered him. He was right; we needed to search every clue—every figurative and literal meaning of every paragraph of the prophecy. Forcing Heaven and Hell into a war was a last resort, and we couldn’t be sure unless we explored every option.

I slept fitfully that night, dreaming about wars and demons and of Bean. My brain ran incessantly, stuck in a pattern of scaring myself awake and then falling back asleep, only to imagine a new frightening scenario. In the hospital, in St. Ann’s, and in the loft, we fought the demons over and over, but every dream ended the same: Bean would be in my arms one moment, gone the next. Panic would take over my every thought, but we all knew was it was too late and nothing more could be done. Desperation would plague me as I insisted Jared figure out a way to find and save our baby, and then unbearable sorrow descended upon me when I realized it was over. Then my eyes would open.

“Nina,” Jared whispered, following my name with smooth, short phrases in French. For whatever reason, French always seemed to comfort me, and Jared could sense that. His fingers combed through my hair, and his lips grazed the edge of my ear.

The sun cast shadows on every wall of my bedroom. I blinked, trying both to clear my vision and remember what day it was and reminding myself that what seemed like a lifetime of heartbreak was only a dream.

Jared kissed my cheek, and I turned to face him. “That was a rough night,” I said. A tear fell from the outside corner of my eye, down my temple.

Jared used his sleeve to wipe the wet line away. “I noticed.”

I looked out the window. “You know what will make me feel better?”

“What’s that, sweetheart?”

“Training.”

Jared nodded. “I thought you might say that. When do you want to start?”

“Tonight, after I put some time in at Titan. Is Bex busy?”

“I don’t think so. I’ll ask him, but he’s always up for some sparring with you.”

I forced a sleepy grin. “You should cut in once in a while. I’m sure I bore him to death.”

Jared smiled. “We’ll see. I’m going to whip up some blueberry pancakes.”

“I’m going to whip up a lather in the shower. Do we have salsa?”

Jared’s head jerked back a bit. “I think we have some left, yeah. Why?”

“I’m going to dip my pancakes in it.”

Jared wrinkled his nose and stuck out his tongue. “So hold the maple syrup, then?”

“No, I want the syrup, too,” I said, ambling to the bathroom. I didn’t look behind me to see what revolted expression was on Jared’s face, but he didn’t move from the bed until I turned on the shower.

He was probably beyond disgusted, but it did sound good. What wasn’t appetizing about fresh, spicy tomatoes, cilantro, onion, blueberries and pancake batter soaked in maple syrup? My stomach growled. I was suddenly ravenous.

I rushed through my morning routine and yanked on a Brown University pullover hoody and a pair of jeans. The button was being stubborn, so I sucked my belly in. When I still couldn’t get it buttoned, I lay on the bed. Coupled with sucking in, I finally got it fastened. I made my way down the stairs, uncomfortable and stiff.

“We need to do some shopping tonight instead of sparring,” Jared said, joining me.

“We can do both,” I said. “Just don’t take me to a maternity store. I’m not ready for that yet.”

Jared shrugged. “Fair enough. I just want to make sure you’re both comfortable.”

I made a show of looking around the room. “Did you eat my salsa pancakes?”

Jared laughed once. “Absolutely not. Cynthia beat me to the cupboard.”

“She’s making pancakes?”

“No, and she’s not serving salsa, either.”

I frowned. “I sort of had my heart set.”

Cynthia’s high heels clicked against the tile as she brought in a tray and set it on the table. She placed an empty plate in front of me, and then sat a tall glass of an indiscriminate frozen cocktail on the plate. She added a bowl of fresh fruit, a bran muffin, and a slice of tomato.

“What’s in the glass?” I asked.

“Fresh fruit, yogurt and peanut butter.”

“That sounds awful.” I groaned.

“But salsa pancakes are appetizing?” Jared said. I shot him an annoyed glare.

Cynthia nodded to my breakfast. “It’s quite good, I assure you. I can’t do this every morning. I happened to have a cancellation, but I do expect you to eat well.”

All expression left my face. “You know, don’t you?”

Cynthia offered a small smile. “I know everything, Nina, dear. Now, feed my grandchild. I’ll see you at dinner.”

She untied the strings of her apron and hung it over a chair, clicking her heels to the foyer.

I stared at the concoction in the glass. “I officially believe that I will never know what to expect from my mother.”

“That makes two of us.”

I drank the PB and Fruit smoothie—which was actually quite tasty—and gathered my things for class. Jared walked me to the Escalade, but I put my hand on his arm before we left the drive. “I almost forgot. I have to stop by Titan and speak to Sasha.”

“Oh, yes. To banish her to the file room.”

“Her ridiculous crush is costing me money,” I grumbled. “She hired a calligrapher to write names on the new client packets!”

Jared made a strange face, unsure how to react, and then turned the wheel toward Titan. I practiced what I might say to Sasha during the drive. Part of me wanted to smash all of her hopes and dreams as she deserved; the other insisted on breaking it to her gently. By the time Jared pulled up to the curb, I had given up on my dastardly plan of revenge, instead settling on a gentler speech. That decision put me in a less than amiable mood.

“See you soon,” Jared said, kissing my cheek. It took some doing to find Sasha, but after looking everywhere else, I headed to the file room in the basement. The room was missing several lights; the only one fully lit was blinking. I stepped in, the concrete echoing under my feet.

“Sasha?”

I slowly walked down the aisle, looking to each side of me.

A small, muffled noise came from a dark corner of the room. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I was alone, but something was inside that room with me.

I took a breath and then walked as quietly as I could to the end of the aisle, turning toward the noise. A dark, huddled figure was slumped with its back turned to me. In the failing light, I could see it shivering.

“H . . . hello?”

The figure froze. Adrenaline seared through my veins. Immediately every move, every act of defense I had learned replayed in my mind. My hands balled into fists, and I braced myself for a fight.

“Go away,” Sasha hissed. She gasped, and her body shivered again.

Every taut muscle in my body released, and anger served as an outlet for the adrenaline. “What the hell are you doing down here?”

Sasha turned, wiping her eyes. “Peter said Grant was out for the day and that I needed to straighten up down here until you came in. Does he think I’m stupid?” She stood. “Why would I want to work for someone who doesn’t appreciate me, anyway? I wouldn’t. I am far too talented to be sentenced to the file room.”

“Sasha. You misused company resources.”

“It was approved!”

“You’re an intern. Interns don’t hire calligraphers or order cappuccino machines.”

“Grant loves cappuccinos!”

“Then he can buy one for his office.”

“He’s the CEO!”

“No, he’s not. Report to Peter when you’re finished with the file room so he can give you a list of new duties. You will work in Peter’s department now, so he’s your immediate supervisor, and he’ll handle your evaluation. If you need anything, Peter will be happy to address your concerns.”

“Nina!”

I walked out of the basement and took a deep breath. It was the first time my lungs felt as if they were getting air. I noticed another newer male intern walking down the hall and called him over.

“Yes, Mrs. Ryel?”

“The lights in the file room need attention. Call maintenance and have the bulbs replaced or repaired immediately, and please help Sasha with whatever she needs. You’ll find her at the end of the third aisle. And do not, under any circumstances, leave her alone.”

The intern frowned with confusion. “Y-yes, ma’am.” He stood there for a moment, every thought scrolling across his face.

“Well? Go.”

He nodded, hastily making his way down the hall to the file room, and I paused, disturbed by the distinct Cynthia-like tone in my voice just then.

I rushed up the stairs, squinting from the bright sunlight bursting through the windows of the lobby. When I made it to the Escalade, Jared watched me warily.

“Was there a problem?” he said.

I took his hand. “They were in there.”

“Who?”

“They, Jared.” I sighed. I put my elbow on the console and covered my eyes with my fingers. “I could feel them.” Jared was quiet, so I peeked up at him. He seemed confused. “You couldn’t feel them?”

“What makes you think they were there?”

“I was creeped out, for one. I’ve been around them enough to know what it feels like when they’re around. Sasha was down there crying; there was negative energy in the air; it was cold.”

Jared’s mouth pulled to one side. “That doesn’t necessarily mean that—”

“Just”—I sighed, irritated—“this one time trust me. I’m not a Hybrid, but they were in there. Not many, but I could feel them.”

“But I couldn’t feel them. It doesn’t make sense that you could and I couldn’t.”

I shook my head. “I don’t understand it.” I thought for a moment. “Could you sense me?”

“Yes. You were just fine.”

“I was not just fine. I genuinely believed something was about to attack me. You didn’t sense that?”

Jared shifted to face me, his face darkened with concern. “You were afraid.” His tone was more of a statement than a question.

“My adrenaline was about to shoot through my eyes! I thought your senses were heightened?”

Jared eyes bounced around the cab of the Escalade as his mind tried to work out the details of this new development. He was clearly not taking it well. He faced forward and shoved the gear in drive.

“Jared,” I said, my voice low and soothing. It didn’t work.

He slammed the gear back into park, and his hand flew to his head. He hit the steering wheel. “Just when I think I’m ahead . . . something else gets thrown at me!”

“Honey, we’ll figure it out.” I reached to touch his arm.

He gripped the steering wheel. “How can I keep you safe from Hell without being your shadow if I can’t trust my senses? If I don’t have any to trust?” His eyes were desperate.

“So be my shadow.”

Jared laughed once and then shook his head. “I can’t go to class with you. I can’t follow you around Titan, Nina.”

“You can be within earshot. You said it yourself. You can hear me through the crowd at the Super Bowl.”

Jared nodded, putting the gear into drive once more, but he was beyond listening to reason. He negotiated the one-way streets of downtown Providence without effort and then pulled next to the curb behind Andrews Hall. He opened my door and gestured for me to cross the street.

“What are we doing?”

“I’m walking you to class. You’ve only got a few weeks left. I’ll wait for you in the hallway.”

“Do you really think that’s necessary?”

“I’m fast, but so are they. They are capable of a lot of damage in the few seconds it would take me to get to you from here. Without being able to sense when something’s wrong, I would feel better being closer than not.”

I thought a moment and then nodded. Anything that was safer for Bean had to be the right answer.

~*~

The last few weeks of school came and went without incident. Jared stood in the hallway during my classes and joined Beth, Chad, and me for lunch. Without Ryan around, Josh found another table, and Kim was too angry with Jared to tolerate him.

The crisp air was just a memory by the time my junior year at Brown ended. The main green bustled with students who made their way to the Van Winkle Gates to see the graduating class make their last march through.

Before the last stragglers made their way through the gate, Beth, Chad, Jared and I walked to College Hill to beat the rush. Beth prattled on about her family begging her and Chad to visit over the summer. She barely noticed the congested traffic. She had become a true East Coast woman. Even her accent had diminished. She sounded more like Ryan than her family.

“So what’s for lunch?” I asked, tapping Beth’s arm.

Jared squeezed my hand. “I thought we would revisit the place of our first date.”

Beth slipped me a box, a bit larger than her hand, and without warning, I tossed it to Jared. I loved throwing things at him, because he always caught them. It had become our little inside joke.

“What’s this?”

“Your birthday present.”

“It’s my birthday?”

“It’s the ninth, isn’t it?” I said with a mischievous grin. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“Then I guess it is,” he said. He kissed my cheek, and then pulled on the ribbon. “A book?” He thumbed through the pages. “A blank book?”

“A journal. You were down to the final pages of yours, and I thought it would be a good time to start a new one.”

Jared’s eyes turned soft, and he took me into his arms. “It’s the perfect time.”

Chad rolled his eyes and Beth sighed. “I remember that,” she said, her thoughts lost in the sweet, mysterious first days of my relationship with Jared.

“Come on, Ryel, you’re making me look bad.”

We walked across campus, taking in the atmosphere. Electricity seemed to be in the air, along with the smells of summer. The chatter was louder than was normal; the young faces of students more animated. They would all embark on vacations, travel home, or spend their summer break on the beach or by the pool. I would most likely fill my summer trying to land punches on my brother-in-law or watching Jared read over the Naissance de Demoniac. The beach sounded much better.

Jared stopped in his tracks.

“Oh, no,” Beth said, looking up at the building that was once Blaze.

I glanced at her and then followed her gaze. “Shanghai? I thought you said you wanted to go to Blaze?”

Clearly disturbed, Jared let go of my hand. “Did you know about this?” Jared asked Chad.

“No,” Chad said, shaking his head. “But I’d never eaten at Blaze, either.”

I looked around and realized we were standing in front of what used to be Blaze. The location of our first date was gone, replaced by sushi takeout. My jaw dropped.

“Seriously?” I said to no one in particular.

Beth’s mouth pulled to one side. “I was looking forward to their sweet potato fries.”

I felt my eyes bulge. “Jared!”

Chad huffed. “They still have one on the east side . . . on Hope Street, I think.”

“I can’t believe this. I just can’t believe they . . .” My voice trailed off, too upset to finish.

Beth rubbed my shoulder. “That has to be upsetting. I’m sorry, honey.”

Chad grabbed Beth’s hand and stomped up the stairs. “This is not a tragedy. It spoils the sentimentality, yes, but it’s still the same building. Make new memories. I’m hungry.”

Jared pulled me to his side. “It’s bothersome, but Chad’s right. We can’t do anything about it. If we’re in the mood for sweet potato fries, we can go to the east side.”

I nodded. “They have them at Cuban Revolution downtown, too.” Jared nodded and then led me up the stairs. I trudged behind him, unwilling to let go of my disappointment.

We stood in line with Beth and Chad. Jared reminded me that because I was pregnant I should skip the sushi, so I grudgingly looked for something else. Double disappointment for the day. I silently hoped Bex wouldn’t be busy later. I had a sudden urge to take a swing at someone.

We went to Shanghai. It still overlooked Thayer Street just as I remembered, and it still had some leftover lighting from Blaze. Beth giggled at Chad’s overzealous appetite. Jared smiled at them and reached under the table to touch my knee. Life seemed so ridiculously laid back that the only issue I had to complain about was the closing of our favorite restaurant. That thought caused the corners of my mouth to turn up, and I continued shoveling my chicken and shrimp Pad Thai. As much as I wanted to hate their food out of spite, it was good. So good, in fact, that my plate was empty before Chad’s.

Beth stared at me. “You should have mentioned earlier that you were hungry, Nigh. We wouldn’t have waited until you were starving.”

“I didn’t know I was starving,” I said, leaning back in my chair. I looked down, noticing that my belly had already started to pooch out.

Beth rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. If you even think about saying you’re fat . . .” Her words fell away as she noticed my protruding belly as well. “Food baby?”

I looked to Jared and nodded. “Real baby.”

“What?” Beth wailed.

“That was a productive honeymoon,” Chad said.

“When were you going to tell me? I’m your best friend, and I had to find out because you started showing? How long have you known?” Beth was obviously upset, but her high-pitched whine had garnered the attention of everyone in the restaurant.

Jared leaned in and kept his voice low. “Just a few weeks, Beth. You’re one of the first to know, I assure you.”

Beth frowned. “She’s already showing and you’ve only known for a few weeks? I don’t believe it. You’re only going to have a real live baby. Why would I need to know something so trivial? It’s not as if I need to prepare at work or anything.”

I smiled. Beth was grumbling to herself at that point. “I should have told you earlier, Beth. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

A grin exploded across her face, and she rested her chin on her fist. “You’re forgiven. When can we go shopping? Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” I didn’t mirror her fervor, instead sensing the same overwhelming nausea I felt when Lillian bombarded me with wedding magazines two years earlier.

Jared took a breath. “We don’t know. It’s still new and overwhelming to Nina, so perhaps giving her a break from the reality of it would help the most for now.”

“Oh. Right. You’re right. We can talk about all that later,” she said, waving her hand dismissively.

We finished eating and left. A minute later, we waited at the light—the same light Jared had honked at me nearly scaring me to death right after we first met. Beth had resorted to not talking at all, instead of risking saying something she wasn’t supposed to. Chad tried distracting her with other questions, but she only offered nods or head shakes.

Just as the light turned green, an arm reached across me, grabbing Jared’s elbow.

“Long time no see,” Kim said.

Beth smiled, but Kim was obviously not in an amiable mood.

“I said I would call you,” Jared said.

Kim raised an eyebrow. “I know you did. Three days ago. I’m not waiting any longer, Jared.”

If I didn’t know of her struggle with exhaustion, I would have thought she’d broken her nose. The purplish skin under her eyes looked like twin bruises. The whites of her eyes were bloodshot, and her shoulders sagged. I knew that look all too well, and I understood her desperation.

“I’m sorry. You’re just going to have to.”

Kim took a step toward him. “I don’t think you heard me. I’m. Not. Waiting. Any longer.”

Jared sighed, but he didn’t flinch from her glare. “We’ve discussed this.”

“Yes, we have. A lot.”

A nervous giggle emanated from Beth’s throat, and she shifted uncomfortably. “Waiting for what?”

Jared and Kim looked at Beth, and Kim shot an amused glare back at Jared. “Tell her.”

Jared frowned. “You’re being unreasonable.”

“What are we waiting for? Again?” Beth said, her voice still unsure.

Kim crossed her arms. “My ancestors are Crusade Knights, and I inherited the duty of watching over a book my great-great-times-a-thousand grandfather took from a church in Jerusalem.”

“Is it worth a lot of money?” Chad asked.

Beth jabbed her elbow in his ribs.

“Kim,” I warned.

“So Jerry over here is half-angel, and he’s the only one strong enough to help me get it back without getting myself killed. Only he’s being selfish, and even though I helped him save Nina’s life, he’s not going to help me take it back, now, because he got what he wanted and isn’t going to hold up his end of the deal.”

“Kim!” I yelled.

Beth began laughing hysterically. “Oh, wow! That’s a whopper!” Her Oklahoma accent came back with a vengeance. “Where do you get this stuff, Kim?”

Kim looked to Jared, desperation in her voice and tears in her eyes. “You need me on your side. Don’t forget that.” She walked away, leaving Beth and the rest of us quiet and unnerved.

Jared watched her trudge back to the Sentra. “We’re running out of time.”

8. Breakthrough

The oak tree loomed over us, casting a large shadow from the afternoon sun. The sweet summer breeze wafted along the uncut grass, making the delicate petals of the flowering dogwood dance with the violets. Heaven never felt quite as close as when I was on a blanket with Jared by our oak tree with our names scrawled elegantly in the bark.

Bean had grown for weeks without threat, but Jared and I weren’t fooled into thinking we would live the entire summer without event. We enjoyed the peaceful moments while we still had them, and that afternoon was no different.

Jared was studying Shax’s book. He hunched over the ugly pages, knees up. One hand held the ancient leather apart while the other rested on my belly. The book seemed out of place in our quiet, beautiful afternoon.

Jared’s phone buzzed. He barely glanced in its direction and continued reading. He did that often when Kim called, resorting to ignoring her instead of repeating his reasons for holding onto the book. I could relate to her misery. Even so, it was easier to look the other way while Jared searched for answers while he could. To admit that to myself made me feel horrible, but it was a necessary evil. The choice to be a better mother than a friend wasn’t really a choice at all.

A motor hummed in the distance. “You should probably get your sneakers on,” Jared said. “Bex is here.”

Bex was bringing firearms today. We would add target practice to our daily sparring session. His motorcycle came to a stop at the edge of my blanket.

I looked up at him. “That blanket is worth more than your bike.”

Bex took off his helmet and snorted. “Negative.”

“Sentimental value,” Jared said, keeping his eyes on the book.

Now fourteen, Bex’s body had filled out. He was an inch taller than Jared and could have been mistaken for a man in his early twenties. Except for the childlike sweetness that remained in his eyes and his occasional displays of inexperience, I would never believe that he was the same person as the eleven-year-old I had met a few years before. It was disturbing.

I must have looked ridiculous in my black leggings and white T-shirt with Bean balled noticeably in front, crouching and ready in front of what looked like a full-grown man. Bex could have wadded me up like a piece of paper on my best day, and I knew if anyone had witnessed a pregnant woman trading punches with someone twice her size they would have called the police.

“Bex,” Jared warned without looking up.

Bex’s nose wrinkled, irritated at Jared’s instruction. “I know. The subtle distention of her middle section is a constant reminder to not overdo it. I won’t hurt your messianic spawn, Nina.”

I shoved the heel of my hand into Bex’s stomach. He barely paused, but it was still thrilling to me that I landed it. “Someone’s been reading the list of big words again.”

Bex glanced to Jared and then grabbed me. He twisted me around, more forceful than usual, pulling me into his chest. My neck fit snugly in the crook of his arm. “Okay. Now what?”

I stepped on his foot, jabbed my elbow into his ribs, and then threw my head back. Bex dodged, but had he been human I would have cracked his nose.

“Good,” he said, nodding.

We went over the same old moves dozens of times, and then Bex showed me a few more. They were more offensive than defensive. Bex seemed to enjoy teaching those more, and I certainly enjoyed learning to attack more than I liked repeatedly attempting to free myself from an assailant.

After an hour, Jared brought the bag of firearms over and then handed me shooting earmuffs and safety glasses. We walked over to a small hill where Bex set up several targets. He was as excited as I was, but it didn’t occur to me to ask why.

I practiced with a handgun, a rifle, and a shotgun. When Jared and Bex were satisfied with my aim, Bex tied a rope to a branch of the oak tree and hung a large log from it. He unrolled a paper target, and then taped it to the middle of the log. He gave it a shove, and it swayed in a large arc back and forth.

Jared handed me his sidearm. “Less than one percent of your targets will be stationary. You need to learn to hit a moving target.

I lifted the Glock in both of my hands and looked down the sights.

“Anticipation is key,” Jared said.

I watched the log for a moment and then squeezed the trigger. Bex leapt back with a yowl.

I dropped the gun and covered my mouth. “Oh, God! I’m sorry!”

Jared picked up the gun and tried not to smile. Bex, however, was rolling on the ground, laughing hysterically.

I glared at him. “Not funny, you little worm! I could have given birth right here in the grass!”

Bex immediately sobered, looking to his older brother for confirmation.

Jared laughed. “She’s exaggerating just a little.”

“Again,” I said, holding the gun in front of me once more. After six tries, I sighed with irritation and pulled off the earmuffs, letting them fall to the ground.

“You’re thinking too much,” Bex said. He pulled his gun from the waistline of his jeans and pulled the trigger, never looking away from me. The target had a rip in the center where the bullet made contact.

I blew my bangs from my face. “You can’t anticipate something without thinking about it.”

Bex lifted his gun and pointed it at me, and I mirrored his action. We were at an immediate standoff.

Bex smiled. “Yes, you can.”

Jared palmed my arm and lowered it slowly. “It’s called instinct. It’s in your blood, Nina. You just need to give in to it.”

I looked at the log. “Give in to it,” I repeated, raising my weapon.

Bex shoved the log again.

I shut out everything: the breeze, the birds, and the strands of hair that kept sticking to my lip gloss. Everything was frozen, even my inner thoughts. My mind focused on the target, and I was in tune with everything. I could feel the movement of the log, the resistance of the rope as it rubbed against the tree branch, and even the wind speed and how it would affect the path of the bullet. I took in a deep breath and pulled the trigger. Bex grabbed the log and it instantly stopped.

“Nice!” Bex said.

The bullet had landed just a couple of inches above Bex’s. I smiled, and Jared pulled me to his side, kissing my hair.

After that, Bex took the spare tire from under the rear of the Escalade and fastened a target to the center. He walked to the top of a small hill, and I stood halfway down. He let the tire go, and I took several shots as it rolled down the grass to the bottom, falling on its side.

Bex sprinted to the tire and rolled it over, offering a thumbs-up and a smile.

“You did really well today,” Jared said.

I nodded. “I know.”

Jared leaned down and touched each side of my belly with his hands. “Mommy did good today, didn’t she, Bean?” He waited a moment and then stood. “Everything seems to be okay. Your pulse, Bean’s pulse, your blood pressure and breathing are all normal. I don’t think Bean noticed.”

“So we can keep going?”

Jared nodded.

I gestured to the book under his arm. “Did you find anything?”

Jared’s small smile faded. “Feel like a trip to Woonsocket?”

Bex helped us load the Escalade with our belongings and then waved goodbye, peeling out on his motorcycle to head home to Lillian.

Jared was quiet during the twenty-minute drive north. His eyes were locked forward, missing the incredible summer foliage on each side of the highway. I allowed it to distract me while Jared silently prepared questions for Father Francis. Poring over the same words over and over and not knowing what to look for had to be frustrating. I reached my hand across the console, and almost instinctually, Jared covered my hand with his.

Still beautiful, he wore the stress and worry of the years since we’d met only in his eyes. He seemed tired and desperate but determined.

He squeezed my hand, brought it to his lips then reached over to rest his hand on my belly. He seemed to relax then.

“Maybe . . . maybe you’re going about this all wrong,” I said.

“I’m all ears.”

“What if you’re reading the wrong book? It’s too late to stop the prophecy. What you’re looking for is a way to get Heaven on our side, right?”

“That’s correct.”

“You aren’t going to find answers about Heaven in a book about Hell.”

Jared eyes flitted about for a moment, considering my idea. He didn’t answer, but he acknowledged my words with a nod. I covered his hand with mine and let him return to his thoughts.

We passed the rocky wall that welcomed us to Woonsocket and then made our way to St. Ann’s. Yellow tape surrounded the church. The glass from the once exquisitely stained windows had been removed, and the holes that remained were covered with boards and plastic tarp.

Jared parked and we climbed the steps. He tugged on one set of doors, but they were locked. He tried two others, but they were locked as well. The tarp blew in the summer breeze, flapping against the building. The town seemed otherwise quiet.

Jared turned and noticed a passerby. “Excuse me,” he said. “Is the church closed?”

The man shrugged. “Father Francis has kept it locked. He hasn’t been actin’ right since the explosion.” He walked away.

An explosion. Shax and his minions all but tore the church to shreds during our most recent showdown, and it left St. Ann’s looking like a war zone. Some construction had taken place, but Woonsocket was no longer the booming industrial hub it used to be. The community that had once pulled together to fund the extravagant adornments of their social center with paintings and stained glass was now preoccupied with a recession and modern priorities.

We walked to a side door, and Jared gave it a light tug. It caught again. “I don’t want to leave without speaking to him, and I don’t want to break in,” he said.

“Call him.”

Just as we stepped away, we heard a familiar voice.

“Wait!” Father Francis called, walking briskly from the back of the church. “I’m here, lad!” He slowed to a stop, trying to control his labored breath. “I’m sorry. I was in the back building, praying. It used to be the school, you know.” His face dropped. “I’m ashamed to say I feel safer there now.”

Jared cupped the priest’s shoulder. “I understand, Father. Some things you can’t un-see.”

Father Francis nodded and then gestured for us to follow him inside. We walked behind him, waiting patiently for him to climb the steps into the side door of St. Ann’s.

It was cold and drafty. The wooden pews and marble statues were covered with linens. An eerie feeling dwelled within the walls, and I could see why the priest didn’t want to be alone there.

The faces of the angels and saints in the paintings looked down on us. I couldn’t help but think they seemed sad, waiting for someone to restore their home to its former glory. “Father,” I began, pulling my pocketbook from my purse. “I brought this hardship on you. Let me help.” I scribbled six figures onto a check.

Father Francis’ eyes softened as he took the paper into his hands. “Thank you, my child. We need this more than you know.”

“Father,” Jared said, pulling Shax’s book from under his arm.

The priest’s eyes widened and he immediately looked away, shaking his head. “Oh, no! No, no, no. You mustn’t bring that here!”

A soft ringing in my ears grew infinitesimally louder, sounding more like panicked whispers. I looked around the room, but we were alone—just us and the hundreds of people in the paintings on the walls and ceilings.

I looked up. In a scene in which God had cast out the rebellious angels, the artist had drawn them in such a way that the angels seemed to be falling out of the painting—out of the ceiling. I looked to the back of the church at another mural featuring Navy sailors drifting helplessly in a stormy sea, reaching out to St. Mary. In a moment of what had to be confusion, I could hear their panicked cries. I could hear them all, shrieking and wailing at the sight of the book that brought their home down around them.

I squeezed my eyes tight and gripped my ears. Their cries became so loud I couldn’t hear individual voices, only their frenzied, collective panic.

Jared’s fingers touched my arm. “Nina?”

At once, it all stopped. I opened my eyes and looked around. Insanity was the first thing that popped into my mind.

Father Francis nodded in understanding, however. “It gets too loud for me sometimes, too.”

I peered around to the different faces in the paintings, unsettled.

The priest looked to the book and then to Jared. “You can’t have that here.”

“I still need your help, Father.”

“I’ve given all I can give.”

Jared shook his head. “I can’t accept that. I’m sorry.”

Father Francis left for the back of the church. Jared pulled me to follow. We kept a quick pace all the way to his quarters, where he immediately made himself a drink. He threw it back and then made himself another. His hands were shaking, causing the mouth of the decanter to clink against the rim of his glass.

The priest closed his eyes and lifted his chin, taking in another gulp of the amber liquid with one movement. The glass dropped from his hands, crashing into the floor. Some of the bigger shards made their way to my feet, and I stared at them for a moment.

“Father,” I said, looking up at him. “It’s almost over. I know you’re scared, but we’re taking the book back soon.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “To the Sepulchre?”

“Yes,” I said, reaching out to him. I touched his arm, and he placed a hand on mine.

“You won’t make it,” he said sadly.

Jared shifted in frustration. “Let’s deal with the issue at hand, shall we? I just ask that you sit down with me one last time to try to find another way. Surely our only option isn’t to just wait until the baby is born and hope Heaven steps in.”

The priest shook his head dismissively. “We’ve searched every line. There’s nothing.”

“Just one more time. Please,” Jared said. “Before I take my wife and unborn child to Jerusalem, I have to know I had no other choice.”

Father Francis glanced at the leather-bound pages and sighed. “Very well.” He adjusted his round spectacles and glanced above him. “Then you must leave and never bring that thing to the house of the Lord again.”

Jared nodded. “You have my word.”

The priest brought in an extra chair, and he and Jared opened the book. Immediately the room turned cold, and I wrapped my arms around my middle. The Others knew we were here and that we had the book. The element of surprise long gone, Jared didn’t hesitate discussing different passages. When Father Francis got an idea, the pages would be flipped to one prophecy, prompting Jared to think about something else. The pages would flip the other way. They argued and agreed; each idea led them only to more frustration.

Minutes turned to hours; still they went over each point of the prophecy until it sounded more like chanting than discussion. A strange glow lit up the edges of the windows, and I realized it was the morning sun. We’d spent all night in Woonsocket, and my eyes didn’t even feel heavy.

For the first time, Jared looked up from the book to see me fidgeting in my chair. “Hungry?” He said it as if he’d just remembered I was there.

“Getting there,” I said, resting my chin on my fist.

He threw the book across the room. It hit the wall with great force and hit the ground with a thud. Despite its age, not a page loosened.

I stood and walked to the small kitchen, found a glass, and turned on the tap. My body was just starting to feel the beginnings of fatigue, and the tension in the room made me emotionally tired as well. A copy of the Bible sat on the counter. The spine was worn to nearly nothing, and the pages hung at an angle; the book was so spent it could no longer hold itself square. I flipped open the cover and then pushed several pages with my fingertips.

“We should get you something to eat,” Jared said.

I turned to the priest. “What does your Bible say about this?”

Father Francis thought for a moment. “Well, it does have its own version of the end days. It talks about the woman with child.”

“I’ve mentioned to Jared that we’re looking in the wrong place. If you can’t find the answers in the bible of Hell, shouldn’t you look in Heaven’s?”

The priest shrugged. “I suppose so.” He walked over to the counter and picked up the book. “It’s worth a try. A third of the Bible is prophecy.”

I offered Jared my glass and he took a sip. When he handed it back to me, he kissed my cheek. The two men returned to their chairs, this time opening Heaven’s Bible.

Father Francis flipped the pages. “Let’s start with anything that discusses women with child in the end days.”

Jared nodded and waited for the priest to find the first passage. They discussed trumpets and something about seals—I imagined angels opening wax-sealed envelopes the way celebrities do at award shows—and a dragon and a woman with child. I tried to tune that part out, because the sound of it terrified me. But I didn’t have the luxury of putting frightening prophecy to the back of my mind. Because of what I had seen the last two years, I knew prophecies were very real possibilities. My only defense against the instinct to run screaming was simply not to hear. The priest discussed literal and symbolic interpretations, among other things that made my head spin. I wasn’t sure if it was exhaustion, the fact that I was purposely trying not to pay attention, or that their discussion really was simply over my head. At any rate, I was pregnant, tired, and irritable.

“It would be nice if you two wouldn’t talk about me as if I weren’t here,” I grumbled.

Jared’s eyes turned soft, and he reached for me. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. We’re trying to hurry, but we need to be thorough. This is our last chance.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“Kim needs to return the book to Jerusalem. I’ve made her wait long enough.”

I nodded. Traveling to Jerusalem had crossed my mind many times. Shax and the rest of his minions would not make it easy for us to return his book to the one place he can’t go. The Sepulchre was above the tomb of Jesus; the creatures of Hell were forbidden. Even infinite, divine patience refused to tolerate desecration of the Sepulchre. The war could start the moment the plane landed, or they could try to keep us from even getting on the plane. We had no idea what would happen. That was the worst part.

Father Francis looked up from the pages. His eyes were unfocused as he slipped deeper into thought. “There is an ancient Jewish apocryphal text called the Fourth Esdras. The archangel Uriel describes many things about the end of days.”

Jared frowned. “I know what you’re about to say, and I know Uriel. Gabriel is the loudest adversary of Hybrids. Uriel is the second.”

“Nevertheless, his prophecy has some merit. He says—”

Jared cut him off. “Father . . . .”

My curiosity and sense of self-preservation outweighed everything else. “Tell me, Father. I want to know.”

Jared sighed and the priest continued, “He specifically mentions pregnant women in the Fourth Esdras. He says, ‘Pregnant women will give birth to monsters.’”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Uriel thinks I’m a monster.”

I hesitated. “What . . . what kind of monsters?”

The priest glanced at Jared and then back at me. “He makes many prophecies similar to Revelations. He refers to this as ‘The Beginning of Sorrows.’ Jesus also states, ‘Woe to those who are pregnant or nursing babies in those days.’”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Jared said.

“You need to listen,” I said. “Maybe you’re unable to figure this out because you refuse to hear the truth. Maybe this is out of our hands.”

Jared’s brows pulled in. “Those prophecies state an abundance of Hybrid births. If something like that were happening, we would hear about it. Besides, Bean isn’t a Hybrid.”

Father Francis pushed up his glasses, clearly intrigued. “You know this for a fact?”

“Yes. The only child capable of this kind of reaction from Hell, a child capable of disturbing the Balance, will be more than a Hybrid.”

“Your child isn’t human?”

I wrapped my arms around my belly, cradling Bean protectively. “You make the baby sound like an abomination.”

“Isn’t it?” Father Francis said.

Jared stood. “No. It’s a child. Our child.” He took my hand and I stood with him.

“Forgive me,” Father Francis said. He stood before us. “I didn’t mean to offend you. We are in strange times—frightening times. I let panic get in the way of my thoughts. I just don’t see how it’s possible.”

“Nina is a descendant of the Nephilim,” Jared said, matter-of-factly.

The priest was confused. “But this is what you are. Nephilim are children of angels, born of human women.”

Jared shook his head. “I am the son of an Arch. The Nephilim bred the likes of Goliath, giants not meant to blend in. These angels roamed the earth. They had . . . rebelled.”

The priest’s eyes grew wide and I felt mine mirror his. I gripped Jared’s shirt. “What are you saying? That I’m a descendant of demons?”

“That’s not what I said. We’re talking thousands of years ago, Nina. Many things were different back then.”

“Rebellious angels were cast out, Jared.”

Jared cupped my arms. “My mother is a descendant of Celts. They were savages, Nina. They drank the blood of their dead. I don’t personalize it. That’s not what I am.”

“Then why did you leave that part out?” I covered my face with my hands, ashamed to even look at Jared. He was half angel, and I was carrying around the genes of Hell. No wonder our child was so rare. “Did you know that before?” I asked, my eyes filling with tears.

“No.”

My cheeks felt as if they had caught fire. I was hesitant to ask the question that had come to my mind, but I would anyway. I always did, no matter how horrible I thought the answer would be. “Does it change the way you feel about me?”

Jared took my jaw gently into his hands, and he looked straight into my eyes. “Nina, of course not. How could you even think that?”

“Because I don’t know how I feel about me, now.”

Jared put his lips on mine, and then he pulled me to him. It was my father’s last secret, the last thing Jared had tried to keep from hurting me. But now that it was in the open, everything made perfect sense. I could never quite fit the pieces together until now.

Still, I felt . . . The only way to describe it was that I felt dirty. After all of that, we were no closer to an answer than when we’d arrived. “Is that what Uriel meant when he said ‘monsters’? What will the baby be?”

“Our baby, Bean, will be our baby, nothing more. You know what you need?” he said with a small smile.

“What’s that?” I said, wiping the delicate skin under my eyes.

“The comfort of experience.” Jared tugged on my hand. “Let’s invite Lillian to dinner.”

Father Francis held out his hand. “We’re not finished, are we?”

Jared frowned. “The answers aren’t in those books. I don’t know what else to do.”

“The answer is always in this book,” Father Francis said, holding his Bible in his hands. He held it to his chest. “We’ve just missed something.”

“We haven’t missed anything. I had hoped He would lead you to the answer, Father, but He hasn’t so much as whispered in your ear.”

Jared’s words sent my mind spinning. Had we missed something? Had the answer been in front of us all along? I clicked through each idea and passage of scripture I’d heard them discuss like channels in my mind. I kept coming back to Shax’s book and returning it to Jerusalem.

“Maybe it’s not in my ear he’s whispering?” The priest said.

Jared waved him away. “Nina’s exhausted and hungry. It’s clouding my thoughts. All I can think about is that damn book and returning it so Shax can’t get to it and we can concentrate on keeping Nina safe.”

“Wait, what?” I said, stunned.

“I have the Jerusalem trip on my mind. I can’t focus on anything else. It’s maddening.”

“He’s whispering,” I said.

Jared raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Father Francis nodded and hobbled to where we stood. “She’s right.”

I gripped Jared’s shirt. “The Sepulchre. The only place they aren’t allowed to desecrate. The one place the book is safe from Hell’s hands.”

Jared’s eyes lit up like twin fires. “We can keep you safe there.”

9. Due

Bex finished the last place setting and then returned to the kitchen. Lillian sat happily at one end of my mother’s long, imported table, Cynthia not so happily at the other. I waited anxiously with them, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. Almost to a beat, Cynthia would shoot me glances of disapproval. She hated it when I fidgeted, but now that I was married, she felt it impolite to mother me. Bex and Jared worked furiously in the kitchen, their laughter and conversation filtering to the formal dining room along with the delicious smells of savory herbs.

Bex appeared again with a basket of hot dinner rolls and a butter dish. His eyes darted to the empty doorway and then back to the table. “It’s about time.”

The front door opened, and then I heard Claire grumbling under her breath. She and Ryan made their way to the table like summer and winter—Ryan was all smiles and Claire sported her usual scowl.

Bex brought in a pot of steamed vegetables in one hand and a bowl of rice in the other. Ryan pulled out Claire’s chair and then clapped his hands, rubbing them together.

“I can help,” he said.

Bex nodded once toward the kitchen. “Just pick something and bring it out to the table.” He pulled off his apron and took a seat next to his mother.

“I think you should leave it on,” Claire said. “Pink pinstripes look good on you.”

Bex stuck his tongue out at his sister and then placed his napkin in his lap. Lillian shot a look at Claire and then smiled at Bex. “It looks wonderful as always, Son.”

Ryan returned with a casserole dish of scalloped potatoes, and Jared brought in a huge ham. They were laughing about something, and I couldn’t help but attempt to sneak a peek at Claire’s reaction. She allowed a half smile, but it quickly vanished when Ryan took a seat next to her.

Jared sat next to me, and we began passing around the different dishes, filling our plates. As stressful and dark as the situation seemed, the banter was jovial, and Jared’s mood was nearly cheerful. The weight of an answer had finally been lifted, and he felt hopeful again.

Cynthia barely finished her meal when she looked at her watch. “Jared, Bex, thank you so much for dinner. I do apologize. I have an engagement.”

Jared nodded. “Of course, Cynthia. Thank you for joining us.”

She paused behind my chair and cupped my shoulders, kissing my cheek. “It was good to see you, Nina dear.”

I nodded, and her heels clicked to the front door.

Ryan’s brows jumped. “She’s not one for family functions, huh?”

“Not really, no,” I said.

“Cynthia shows her humanity by way of charities. She’s very busy, but she’s helped so many people,” Lillian said.

“That she has,” I said. “Is there pie?”

Jared laughed and Bex popped up. “No, but there is cake.”

“Angel food?” I asked.

“Of course,” he said, leaving for the kitchen.

Ryan pulled his fork from his mouth, clearly ready for dessert. “So what’s the real occasion?”

Bex returned with the cake, setting it right in front of me. “Trying to keep the pregnant woman fed. It takes a village, ya know.”

“Very funny,” I said, but I couldn’t help from cutting a huge piece. Pregnancy was the perfect excuse for gluttony.

“Ryan has a good point,” Lillian smiled. “You’re in a very good mood for a change.”

Jared smiled. “I took the book to Father Francis.”

“Again?” Claire said, surprised.

I swallowed the delicious, spongy bite in my mouth. “We were there all night.”

Ryan cut his own piece of cake but handed it to Claire. “So you found something?”

“Not a damn thing,” Jared said, smiling.

Ryan cut another piece for himself, causing a wider smile from Lillian. Claire just rolled her eyes.

“I don’t get it,” Claire said.

Jared used his fork to attempt to cut a piece of cake from my slice, but I stuck out my elbow to defend my plate. Everyone laughed, including Jared.

Jared finally gave in and cut his own slice. “Nina and I were distracted. All we could think about was getting Shax’s book back to Jerusalem for Kim.”

Ryan pointed at me with his fork. “She called me today. She’s past impatient. She was yelling. I’ve never heard her yell.”

“It’s her lucky day, then,” I said.

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” Ryan said, chewing.

Jared put his elbows on the table and folded his arms. “Because we’re leaving for Jerusalem next week.”

Claire shrugged. “Well, that’s smart. Ryan and I are both starting Brown in the fall, and it’s Nina’s senior year. It’s good to get it out of the way.”

Lillian paused. “You’re going to Brown?”

Claire shrugged. “Ryan wants to start back. I just thought . . . .”

“No, I’m thrilled!” Lillian said, beaming.

“We’re not coming back until Bean is born,” Jared said. The entire table was silent. No one moved and all eyes were on Jared. “The answer has been right in front of us all along. The Sepulchre is the one place I know she’ll be safe until she can deliver.”

Claire frowned. “You want to live in Jerusalem for nine months?”

“Not an entire nine months,” Lillian said. “I’m not exactly sure, but she probably only has a couple of months left.”

Jared’s face blanched. “What?”

Lillian fiddled with her napkin. “I should have said something, Son. I’m so sorry. Nina’s situation is obviously different, but a full-term Hybrid pregnancy is six to seven months. I assume it’s the same, maybe less for Bean.”

Bex smiled. “Now you’re saying it. That poor kid is never going to get a real name.”

I looked down at my belly. Because of our situation, we had refrained from prenatal care, but I’d just assumed my pregnancy would be a normal gestation. I was measuring a bit larger than normal, but nothing out of the ordinary. Jared assumed it was because of my small frame.

“So . . . July? August?” I asked.

“Possibly,” Lillian answered.

Jared nodded. “Then it’s settled. The closer it gets, the more danger she’s in. We should leave now.”

I shook my head. “I have things at Titan I need to wrap up.”

Jared sighed, but agreed. “Okay. We’ll all take the week to prepare. We leave on Sunday.”

“Sweet!” Bex said.

“Not you,” Claire said. “You have to stay with Mom.”

“What?” Bex wailed.

Jared glared at him. “We can’t leave her alone.”

“But I have to go. You know I do!”

Lillian frowned. “Jared, that’s ridiculous. You need everyone with you to get her there safely. The second you land, you’ll be bombarded. They will do everything they can to keep her from somewhere they can’t go.”

I swallowed. It was so close. I’d always felt as if we had plenty of time before the pandemonium started.

Claire sighed. “We can’t leave you unprotected, Mom.”

“What about Grant?” Bex said.

“Bex!” Jared yelled. His voice boomed throughout the house. Bex’s face turned red and his eyes immediately fell.

“Grant?” I said, confused. “Grant Bristol?” No one said a word. All eyes were on the table but mine, which danced in every direction. “Titan’s Grant is a . . . Hybrid?”

“No,” Lillian said, cupping Bex’s shoulder. “He’s an Arch.”

I dropped my fork, and it clanged against my plate. “I don’t believe it.”

Lillian attempted to soften Jared with one of her sweetest smiles. “It’s not a bad idea.”

I turned to him, thwarting Lillian’s effort. “This isn’t something you thought I needed to know? Are you kidding me?” I wailed.

Jared’s expression turned desperate. “You can’t expect me to tell you about every angel or demon that passes by.”

“I work with him, Jared. I . . . I’m just baffled why you chose to keep it from me! This makes twice today!”

“What else haven’t you told her?” Ryan asked, enjoying the show.

Jared shot a death glare in Ryan’s direction. “It was his secret to tell, Nina, and it’s really not paramount that you know. In the grand scheme of things, it’s really minute. You’re being unreasonable.”

“Minute.” I stood up from my seat. “I don’t think asking for a little trust or having the expectation to not be treated like an outsider in my own company or family is unreasonable. I don’t think being upset to be the last to know that I’m pregnant is unreasonable. I am tired of you choosing what is and is not acceptable for me to know, only for me to find out by chance sometime later like a slap in the face!”

Jared’s eyes drifted to the floor. I threw my napkin to the table, stomping up the stairs to the bedroom in Oscar-worthy fashion. I sat on the bed, still fuming. A small knock at the door only amplified my anger.

“Go away, Jared.”

“It’s Claire.”

“I don’t want to talk to you, either.”

Claire, being Claire, walked in anyway. She sat on the bed next to me, crossing her arms. She sat silent for the longest time and finally took a breath.

“I get it, you know. They don’t tell me nonessential information, either. It’s crap.”

“It’s demeaning is what it is.” I frowned in her general direction. “I’m his wife. I understand I’ve been the token human who doesn’t understand the rules of the universe, but for the love of all things holy, I know enough by now. He should trust me.”

“It’s not that he doesn’t trust you. He tries to keep your life as normal as possible. He knows how important that is to you.”

“It’s a moot point these days, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I would, but I don’t love you as he does.”

My mouth pulled to the side. She was fighting dirty. Jared loved me and at times let that fact cloud his judgment. It was impossible to stay angry at him for it. Jared keeping Grant a secret from me defied logic. It simply didn’t make sense.

“He should have a good reason for keeping things from me, and he doesn’t have one.”

“It’s a very human reason, actually.”

“Enlighten me.”

“Grant’s been in love with you for ages. Why do you think Jack was constantly pushing him in your direction?”

“That doesn’t make sense, either. Jack didn’t want me with Jared because of the prophecy. He definitely wouldn’t want me with an Arch.”

Claire raised an eyebrow, and the same side of her mouth turned up. “What do teenage girls do when their parents tell them not to do something?” Claire said. “If Jack told you to stay away from Grant, you would have run straight for him.”

“Ick,” I said. “No one’s that stubborn.”

“You are.”

I sighed. “Why didn’t Jack use the same logic with Jared?”

“He didn’t have to. He forced Jared to stay out of sight. That solved the problem. Grant didn’t take orders from Jack.”

“Oh, yes, he did. I saw it on many occasions.”

“You saw what they wanted you to see.”

“Still doesn’t explain why he kept it from me.” I huffed.

“Jared might seem divinely perfect, but he’s human, too, Nina. He can make decisions based on the fear of losing you to someone else just like any other insecure boyfriend. It hasn’t been the first time.”

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

“Once he waited to tell you, it was something he’d kept from you. It was already too late, wasn’t it?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Claire said, pulling me to my feet. She slapped my backside. “Now go kiss and make up with your husband, who is more than likely kicking himself right now.”

I walked to the door, hesitated, and then finally pulled it open. Jared stood in the hallway, his hands in his pockets.

I crossed my arms. “You look like you lost your best friend.”

“Did I?” he asked, miserable.

My shoulders fell.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I swear that’s everything. You know everything else.”

“I think I’ve heard that before,” I said, walking to him until I was just inches away.

Jared touched each side of my belly and looked down, his eyes dark with worry and guilt. I wrapped my arms around his neck and touched my cheek to his. We stood silently for a long while in that embrace. Holding him felt just as good if not better than the first time. The electricity was still there, and I had the same desperate need to be closer to him. He smelled just as amazing, and his skin was still as soft. Too many months had passed since we took a moment to ourselves just to hold each other. I tried to be present in that moment and be aware of everything possible. We would leave in eight days, facing the fight of our lives. I didn’t know when this moment would happen again.

His hand slipped to my lower back, and he pulled me closer. I lifted my chin, and his lips touched mine. I dug my fingers into the skin of his arms and then deeper into the muscle. His tongue slipped into my mouth, but then he pulled away.

“Ahem,” Ryan said.

I turned to see the source of the interruption standing next to Claire at the top of the stairs.

“Figures,” Jared grumbled.

We returned downstairs together, joining Bex and Lillian in the foyer. I hugged my mother-in-law goodbye, smiling when her enthusiastic hug became a bit too tight.

“I love you,” she said, kissing my hair. She looked to Jared. “Be good to each other.” Jared nodded and she waved goodbye.

I walked into the dining room and Jared, Claire, and Ryan followed.

Ryan and Claire began clearing the table. Ryan smiled and elbowed her. “Your mom loves me.”

“She loves everyone,” Claire sneered. “You’re not special.”

“You don’t love everyone. I’d say that makes me pretty special . . . since you do.”

Claire glanced at Jared and me, clearly embarrassed. “You wish!”

“Just say it,” Ryan said.

“Stop telling me what to do,” Claire snapped back.

He crossed his arms. “It’s because I’m human, isn’t it?”

Claire’s eyes narrowed. “Seriously? It is possible that I just don’t like you.”

“Me?” Ryan said, pointing to his chest. “Nah,” he said, dismissing her suggestion. “You’re a strong woman. I get it. Not many can handle it that their girl could kick their ass—even fewer soldiers and even fewer Special Forces guys. But I get it, and I can keep up with you more than anyone else could. I’ve had training, and we’ve pretty much been told by the Creator of the Universe that we have to spend all of our time together. How much proof do you need?”

Claire turned and swiped her leg under Ryan’s feet, throwing him to the ground, flat on his back. “First of all, you can’t keep up with me. Second of all—”

Ryan kicked forward and then leapt to his feet. Claire crouched in a defensive position. Ryan smiled at her reaction. “I can keep up with you.”

“I doubt that.”

“Try me. If I can’t, I’ll leave you alone.”

Claire looked at Ryan from under her brow. Her ice-blue eyes turned murderous, but under them was a mischievous smile.

I frowned. “This is a terrible idea.”

“Too late now,” Claire said.

She bent her knee and shoved her boot into Ryan’s stomach. He flew across the room and flattened against the wall, falling to the ground. He stumbled to his feet and sucked in a few times, the air knocked out of him.

I cringed. “At least she’s not wearing stilettos.”

Ryan shot an annoyed look my way and then coughed a few times. He stood on wobbly knees and lifted his hands, palm-out to Claire. “You should know by now that I don’t give up.”

Claire grinned with devilish intent. “I’m going to enjoy this.”

“Not as much as I will,” Jared said. I glared at him, and he shrugged. “What?”

Claire attacked and Ryan turned. With a different adversary, he would have turned at the precise time to avoid a landed punch, but Claire was faster than the supernaturally fast—and she preferred kicking.

Claire spun around, her heel making contact with Ryan’s backside. He was shoved forward a few steps and then turned and punched. His hand met the drywall, and it cracked in several pieces around his fist.

“He better know how to fix that,” I grumbled.

Claire leaned forward and elbowed the back of his head. Ryan spun around, wrapping his arms around her waist at the same time. He charged forward, and they both crashed into the table.

“C’mon!” I yelled, seeing my mother’s imported English dining table in pieces.

Immediately on her feet, Claire grabbed two fistfuls of Ryan’s shirt and tossed him into the foyer.

“I love it when you play rough!” Ryan yelled from the other room.

Claire wiped her bloodied lip and licked the crimson liquid from her fingers. “You haven’t seen rough yet.” She disappeared through the doorway, and I winced when Ryan cried out.

“That’s fighting dirty!” he yelled, crying out again.

“We’d better get in there and supervise,” Jared said, pulling me into the next room.

Claire held Ryan upside down by his ankle, feigning sympathy as he swiped at her to no avail. He scanned the room and then arched his back, lifting a solid wood statue from the floor, hammering Claire’s knee just after getting his hands on it.

She was knocked to the ground, and Ryan fell on his head with a crack. When he stood, a thin line of red streamed from his hairline. “It was worth it,” he said, running at Claire.

She flipped backward and then drew her side arm.

“Not funny,” Jared warned.

The gun fired, and Ryan jerked, covering his head with one hand, his crotch with the other. The bullet lodged into the wall—right through the center of Cynthia’s prized original Renoir.

“I think . . . I think I’m going to pass out,” I said, feeling woozy. Jared obliged when I hooked my arm around his.

“Should I stop them?” Jared said.

“They won’t stop until they’re finished being CHILDISH!” I said. “Take it outside!”

Ryan pointed at Claire. “You . . . you just shot at me!”

Claire rolled her eyes. “You’re such a baby. That wasn’t even close.”

“The bullet blew air by my eyeball!” he said, dramatically pointing to his eye.

“Fine,” she said in a huff. “I’ll put it away so you don’t pee your pants, big Special Forces man.”

Ryan relaxed and stood up straight and then charged her again. Claire rolled her eyes and grabbed him by the throat, stopping him in his tracks. “All you do is run at me. I’m bored.”

Ryan took a swipe at her, making strange hacking noises.

I walked over to them, glaring at Ryan and then at Claire. “He’s turning blue.”

Claire raised her other fist as if she were going to punch him, but then turned it over, casually picking at her nails.

“Claire,” Jared growled.

She looked at Ryan and narrowed her eyes. “Tap out.”

Ryan struggled to make a noise. “No,” he choked. His eyes fluttered as he lost consciousness.

I frowned. “Okay, that’s enough. Jared, please make her stop.”

Jared took a step, and Claire pointed at him. “Jared Gabriel, don’t you dare.”

“Claire—” he began, but she held her hand palm-out to her brother.

I glanced at Ryan and then back at her. “It’s not funny anymore.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “It’s kinda funny.”

I grabbed Claire’s wrist with one hand and wrapped my arm around Ryan with the other. It was futile, but I hoped Claire would snap out of her rage and realize what she was doing. As if it were nothing, they separated.

“Thank you,” I said, helping Ryan to the floor. “Ry,” I said, patting his cheek. “Deep breaths.” I looked up at Claire to send her a look of disapproval, but her expression took me off guard. “What?”

“I didn’t let go,” she said, stunned.

Jared’s eyes darted between the three of us. “What do you mean you didn’t let go?”

Claire’s eyes widened. “She pulled me off him.”

“This isn’t the time for jokes,” I said. “You went too far.”

Claire shook her head. “How did you do that?”

She was serious. I had pulled Ryan from her grip without effort. I had barely tensed, thinking Claire had simply decided to let go. “I . . . I don’t . . . know,” I said. I waited for Jared to offer an answer, but he stood speechless.

Ryan stirred. “Did I win?”

Claire frowned. “Of course not, stupid. ‘Did I win,’” she said, mocking Ryan’s deep voice. She rolled her eyes, and then her face brightened. “Stand up, Nina.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

I stood, and Claire took a defensive crouch. In the next moment, Jared was between us. “You have lost your mind!”

“Just one time!” Claire begged. “I bet it won’t even hurt her!”

“What are we talking about, here?” I said, my eyes dancing between the two of them.

“I’ll do it,” Jared said.

“Do what?” I asked. Jared led me to the center of the room, standing directly in front of me.

“What is he doing?” Ryan asked Claire.

“Sssh. Pass out again,” she said, impatiently waiting for something to happen.

My eyebrows pulled in. “What do you plan to do?”

Jared steadied himself and squared his shoulders. His eyes darkened, and then he lowered his chin. In the next moment his body relaxed, and he threw his head back. “I can’t,” he sighed, looking at the ceiling.

“What a wuss!” Claire laughed.

The front door opened, and I closed my eyes, waiting for the painful shrieking of my mother. It never came.

“Uh . . . what happened here?” Bex said. I opened my eyes, seeing Bex standing frozen in place in the doorway, a half-eaten apple in one hand.

“Nina pulled me off Ryan,” Claire said, her voice trembling with excitement.

“Okay. So what are you doing, Jared?” Bex said.

“Nothing,” Jared replied, clearly embarrassed.

“He’s going to test the theory,” Claire said.

Jared shook his head quickly. “No, I’m not.”

I crossed my arms. “And how were you going to do that, exactly?”

Jared rubbed the back of his neck. “I was just going to throw it. I wasn’t going to . . . .”

“Punch her?” Bex said.

Jared frowned at Bex and then looked at me apologetically.

“What?” I wailed.

Jared held out his hands. “I wasn’t going to land it! Just to see if you would catch it.”

Claire puffed, unimpressed. “I was going to punch her,” she mumbled.

My mouth fell open.

Bex walked casually across the room, stopping a couple of feet from me. Jared reclaimed my attention when he reached for me again. “Come on, Nina. You don’t think I would punch my pregnant wi—”

Before Jared could finish his sentence, Bex’s fist hurled toward me with lightning speed. My body reacted, and suddenly his fist was in my hand.

“I’m not holding back,” Bex grunted, still pushing his fist toward my face.

Jared’s eyes widened. He tried to talk, but the only result was his jaw flapping about.

Bex relaxed and lowered his hand and then bent down to kiss my forehead. “She’s been like that for months. You couldn’t tell?” he asked Jared.

“I uh . . . I could tell something was different. I assumed it was the baby.”

“It is the baby.” Bex smiled. “Bean is sharing angel juice with Nina. I haven’t taken it easy sparring with her for weeks.”

“What?” I said.

“What?” Jared repeated.

Bex rolled his eyes. “Remember that time she threw me on my back?”

Jared’s eyes dashed to mine. “She really did that?”

Bex frowned. “It hurt, too. I just didn’t say anything because I assumed you knew, and this was one of those things you didn’t want to talk about.”

“He is so like that,” Claire said.

Jared was instantly angry. “You were sparring with her on your level? She’s pregnant, Bex. Are you insane? What if you hurt the baby?”

I looked down at my protruding belly and gingerly rubbed it with my fingers. “Bean is giving me abilities?”

Bex shrugged. “Bean’s full-on angel, Nina. You’ve got more power than we do, I bet. That’s why you could hover during your dreams and climb the walls and stuff. You were pregnant then, weren’t you?”

Ryan laughed once. “What? She’s Spider-Man, now?”

“That’s what I said!” Bex beamed. “Love Spider-Man.”

Jared frowned. “You should have said something.”

Bex laughed once without humor. “She’s your Taleh . . . not to mention your wife. I thought you knew!”

“You didn’t think I’d mention it if I had?”

“No! That doesn’t sound like you at all!” Bex snapped.

“He’s right,” Claire said. “Being forthcoming isn’t your strong suit.”

Jared turned on his heels, crossing his arms. His biceps bulged over his hands. “I guess you knew, too?”

“Obviously not!” Claire said. “It was my idea to punch her!”

“Well, let’s brag about it,” I said flatly.

Silence overcame the room while the new knowledge set in. Jared’s eyes bounced around different points on the floor while his brain processed a million thoughts a second.

A loud bang sounded from across the room, followed by a vibration in the floor. Claire was lying on her back, looking up at Ryan with a shocked expression.

He smiled. “I told you I wouldn’t give up.”

Her face flashed red, and I waited for her to send Ryan flying across the room again. But the flush of her cheeks returned to a warm tone, and her eyes softened. A slow, small smile turned up the corners of her mouth. Ryan, without caution, kneeled beside her. His eyes left hers and then transfixed onto her lips. He leaned in closer. I waited for Claire to grab him by the throat or kick him in his nether region, but she slowly closed her eyes.

“What in the hell happened in here?” Cynthia shrieked, slamming the door behind her.

My mother’s surprise entrance took my attention away for only a moment, and when I looked back, I could see a familiar frustration in Ryan’s eyes.

I smiled.

“Someone had better answer me,” Cynthia said.

Realization fluttered in Claire’s eyes, and she glanced in my direction.

“Karma,” I said with a knowing grin. She had made a hobby of interrupting Jared and me when we were falling in love. It was refreshing to see her reaction when the same happened to her.

“Oh, shut up,” she said, pushing herself to her feet. She grabbed Ryan’s hand and helped him to stand. “I apologize, Mrs. Grey.”

“You did this,” Cynthia said. Her words were more an accusation than a question. “I expect everything to be in order by tomorrow morning.” With that, she left for her bedroom.

Claire surveyed the destruction. “It’s going to be a long night.”

“I’ll help you,” Ryan said.

Claire left for the kitchen, and returned holding a large garbage can. She carried it in one hand, picking up the splinters of wood that covered the floor with the other.

“Have fun with that,” Jared smiled, taking my hand. “We’ll be at the oak tree at first light.”

“Oh?” I said with a smile.

Jared glanced at his little brother. “You’re coming, too.”

“I am?” Bex said.

A wary frown touched Bex’s face as his eyes darted between Jared and me. I could tell that he was hesitant to be excited. “Why? Isn’t that, like, your breeding ground?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “I want to see what Nina is capable of.”

“Sweet!” Bex said, clapping his hands together once. “You ready to spar, Sis?” His hands rubbed together.

A broad smile widened my face. “Oh. It’s on.”

10. Matches

Jared and I walked upstairs. I went through the motions of my nightly routine in a daze, trying to concede to this new reality. Knowing I had a lot to prove in the morning, it was difficult to sleep. Finally I forced my mind to slow down and managed to close my eyes for a few hours before the sun breeched the horizon.

Once my eyes fluttered, there was no falling back asleep—no sleeping in. I was wide awake, and my body screamed to get out of bed and get to the oak tree. I didn’t bother with a shower, knowing I would be sweaty and covered in dust and dirt within the hour. An oversized T-shirt of Jared’s barely stretched over my belly, but it would suffice. I was really showing now, and the thought crossed my mind at how ridiculous I would look, swollen and awkward, while Bex attacked me with gorgeous precision from every angle.

Jared and I met downstairs, where the others were still cleaning. The only person not smiling and joking about the night before was Ryan.

“What?” Jared said, smug. “You don’t think Nina can take Bex?”

Ryan pointed at me but looked at Jared. “She’s still pregnant.”

Bex laughed once. “Don’t worry. Bean’s tougher than I am.”

Claire thought I should start with Ryan; however, Ryan held out his hands. “What the hell is this? Beat-the-shit-out-of-Ryan week?”

“I didn’t think you’d mind, since you’re always insisting upon getting yourself hospitalized,” Claire said.

Ryan’s face screwed into disgust. “That was uncalled for.”

“The truth hurts, baby.”

He smiled. “If you’re going to talk to me like that, you can insult me all day long.”

Claire pulled her car keys from her pocket and then pulled on Ryan’s hand. “I meant that you’re a baby. It wasn’t a term of endearment.”

“Yeah, right.”

Jared squeezed my hand. “The oak tree it is. Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes. I would like to see what you can do, though, don’t you?”

I thought for a moment. I had always admired the abilities of the Ryels, but having my own never occurred to me. My damsel in distress days could be over, and I liked that.

“Do I get a shot at you if I beat Claire?”

Jared shrugged. “Sure, but—”

“Then, yes.”

Jared pretended to be offended. “That wasn’t very nice, honey, not nice at all.”

I hooked my arm around his and nuzzled against him as we walked to the Escalade. “A little exploratory domestic violence doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

The Escalade jostled with the uneven ground of the trail that led to our oak tree. Bex and Claire would be careful not to land a direct hit to my belly, but my motherly instincts were kicking in, and so were my nerves. I kept telling myself I had already done this: Bex and I had sparred many times, and I had gotten the best of him several times. At the time I thought he was taking it down a thousand notches so that I knew I was improving, but now I knew differently.

Ryan, sporting a standard-issue police T-shirt and a PPD ball cap, took his position across from me.

“Until I figure out what I can do,” I told him, “try very, very hard not to go anywhere near Bean.”

Ryan frowned. “For the record, I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience, and the rational me is screaming to kidnap you away from this craziness before you get hurt.”

“We’ll just start slowly and see what happens.”

Ryan winced. “I’m about to fight a pregnant woman. This is wrong on so many levels.”

“C’mon, you weenies!” Claire yelled. “We haven’t got all day!”

“I’m not a weenie,” Ryan said under his breath.

“You are if you’re afraid of a girl!”

Ryan glanced at her with annoyance, and I smiled. “You’ll learn whispering doesn’t help.”

“Okay, let’s do this before my girlfriend thinks worse of me.”

“Still not your girlfriend!” Claire yelled.

I bit my lip. “Let’s try this,” I said, shoving Ryan. I used enough strength to push him a few feet away, but instead he flew back, twisted in the air, and then fell, rolling across the ground.

He looked up at me in surprise. “That’s cheating!”

“I barely touched you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Ryan pushed himself to his feet and then jogged back to me, a bit shaken. “I can’t let two girls kick my ass in one twelve-hour period.”

“Bring it,” I said, crouched and ready.

Ryan swung and missed a dozen times before I tried punching him. My fist caught him in the gut, and he landed nearly in the same place as before. He stood up but then doubled over, trying to catch his breath. He took a step and then bent down again, holding up one finger.

“Sorry!” I called.

“My turn!” Bex said. He wasted no time, and I could see in his eyes that playtime was over.

He lunged and I moved. Blocking each of his punches, I used Claire’s leg sweep, knocking him to his feet. He jumped up, missing the first punch and landing the next. It stung, but it felt as if I had accidentally walked into a door instead of the full power of a Hybrid pounding into my jaw.

“Oh!” Jared yelled. His hands were on his head, his fingers intertwined. He hated this. He had spent his life protecting me, and now that we were married and I was pregnant with his child, he was allowing me to be a guinea pig/punching-bag.

“You okay?” Bex said, breathing hard.

I frowned.

“Oh, God, I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Bex said, lifting my chin to see the damage.

“Again,” I said, squatting defensively.

“No!” Jared yelled. “No, we’ve seen what she’s capable of. That’s enough.”

I shook my head. “I’m fighting a thirteen-year-old, Jared,” I said quietly. “I wasn’t trying that hard.”

Bex crouched. “That’s insulting.”

He lunged again, and although our movements would have blurred to the human eye, I had no trouble keeping up. Each move Bex attempted seemed nearly in slow motion. Within seconds, Bex was in the air and then flat on his back.

“My turn!” Claire said, pulling on fingerless leather gloves.

I steadied myself. Claire had always frightened me. Bex, I had sparred with before; I was familiar with his moves. But it had been months since Claire and I had practiced together, and I was unfamiliar with her strategy. Still, I didn’t want to make Jared worry, so I planned to step up my game a notch. I couldn’t let Claire punch me. Jared would feel guilty enough. Not to mention that even though she loved me now, Claire been waiting for this moment a long time.

She glared at me from under her brow as she always did to intimidate an enemy. That part I was familiar with. She would not hold back, and she wasn’t afraid to hurt me.

This was going to suck.

Bex helped Ryan to Jared’s side, and Ryan fell onto his knees, sore and demoralized.

“Get her, Nigh!” Ryan yelled.

“Hey! Whose side are you on?” Claire said.

I focused. Claire Ryel was the best of the best. Demons feared her. She was Earth’s deadliest weapon, undefeated by anyone she’d ever come up against, and I was about to deck her. Once Claire returned her attention to me, I swung. Claire took the punch, and it almost knocked her off her feet. She looked at Jared, rubbed her cheek, and smiled with bloody teeth. “She hurt me!”

I didn’t let my guard drop for a second, knowing Claire was too competitive to quit. Her ice-blue eyes sharpened and her vicious glare targeted me. “I love you, and I’m sorry for the ass-kicking that’s about to commence.”

“No, you’re not.”

“You’re right. I was just being polite.”

Knowing that she had watched me wait to be attacked with my last two opponents, I took the first shot. She dodged, but in the next moment, my foot connected with her chest, and I sent her flying forty feet into the one muddy section of the entire field. She emerged, wet, dirty, and pissed off. She flung her hands outward, letting the excess mud spatter to the ground. “You really went there, didn’t you?”

I smiled. “I did.”

She sprinted toward me and grabbed my shirt. I was soon in the air but landed on my feet—just short of the mud.

“Nice try.” I smiled.

Claire was unhappy. She tried repeatedly to push, shove, throw, and punch me into the mud, but I either blocked her or put her there instead. After half an hour, her platinum hair was tangled and brown, and we were both filthy and panting—she more than I—but coming into contact with someone covered in muck made it impossible to emerge unsoiled, and Claire was definitely a full-contact adversary.

“Enough,” Jared said, walking out to meet us. He wiped a chunk of mud from Claire’s face. “You’ve made your point.”

“I’m . . . not . . . finished with . . . her yet,” Claire said, out of breath.

Bex had been laughing uncontrollably since the first time Claire found herself in the mud, but with one glare from his sister, the laughter was silenced.

“Okay,” I said, breathing hard. “Now you?”

“No.”

“No?” I said.

“Chicken!” Ryan said.

Jared frowned. “We’ve seen what we need to see, and I don’t want you to get overly tired. You may have angel blood running through your veins, but you’re still human. Until we know for sure how your body will handle the stress, I don’t want to push it too far.”

I nodded. “You’re right. I can throw punches at you anytime.”

Jared laughed, and then put his arm around me as we walked to the Escalade. He was thoroughly enjoying my new Yes, Dear attitude. The truth was I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to our baby.

Ryan took off his coat and draped it around Claire’s shoulders, and then used his hand to scrape the rest of the mud from her face. She was never happy to lose a fight, but the excitement we all felt for this new development was evident in her eyes. “I want a rematch after Bean is born!” she yelled.

“No way!” I called back. I looked to Jared. “She’s not serious?”

Jared tried to subdue a smile. “Of course not.” His attention was diverted from the path to the road. Kim’s Sentra barreled toward us.

The Sentra stopped abruptly, and Kim emerged, slamming the door behind her.

Jared raised his hands. “I know you’re impatient, Kim. We’re leaving next week, okay?”

When she was close enough, I gasped. Her clothes were covered in blood. “Well, that’s just great, Jared. Unfortunately for my uncle, it’s too little, too late.”

“What happened?” Jared said, equally alarmed. Bex, Claire, and Ryan gathered around.

Ryan grabbed Kim’s arm, but she pulled away. “Oh my God, Kim, are you okay?” he said.

Kim didn’t look away from Jared. Her eyes glossed over. “I told you. I told you we needed to get it back.”

“I’m so sorry, Kim,” Jared said.

“Sorry won’t bring him back. I helped you, and when it was my turn, you dragged your feet until someone I loved was killed.” She turned and walked toward her car.

“Sunday, Kim,” Jared said, calling after her. “We leave Sunday.”

Kim’s arm shot into the air, and her middle finger pointed toward the heavens. A moment later, she was gone.

“Poor Kim,” Ryan said. “What do you think happened?”

Claire crossed her arms, watching the Sentra disappear into the distance. “They’re sending a message. If it were demons in true form, they wouldn’t have been able to get to him. They must be shelling.”

“Shelling?” I asked.

“They’re taking human form,” Jared said.

Ryan nodded. “Like possession.”

Claire frowned. “No, like shelling. They take over the body for a short amount of time to achieve a purpose. It doesn’t leave the body weakened, and the human has no recollection or aftershock.”

Jared rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s starting.”

“It sure as hell is,” Claire said, heading quickly toward her Lotus.

“It’s a good thing I was quitting to go back to school, anyway,” Ryan said, following Claire. “If I’d asked for more time off to go to Jerusalem, they would have fired me.”

Claire put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “They were going to fire you anyway.”

Ryan’s head jerked in her direction. “Huh?”

“Because you suck.”

Ryan shrugged off her hand and then used all of his might to shove her. She didn’t budge, only turning long enough to offer a small, amused smile.

“I don’t suck. You suck,” Ryan grumbled, climbing into her car.

11. Last Minute Forgiveness

So much to do. So much. So much. Repetitive grumbling hissed from my lips as I rushed around the house. A week wasn’t long enough to get my life in order. I scrambled around the house, up and down the stairs, trying to maneuver around my growing belly. It became rounder and fuller every day. As I packed, Agatha worked overtime trying to finish the laundry, and Jared was constantly up and down the stairs, fetching clothes and medical supplies. It wasn’t until he phoned in a favor to a friend for bags of saline, IV tubing, needles, and anticoagulant that I realized I wouldn’t have my baby in a hospital—not even at home. Bean would be born in a dark, timeworn cavern under the city of Jerusalem, away from modern medicine, but just beyond the reach of Hell.

Seven days didn’t seem like enough time, but knowing that demons were shelling, it was also too long. Anyone we happened upon could try to kill us. Any human was a threat: Beth, Chad, even Ryan or my mother. The thought of my mother as a demon made my blood run cold. She was already frightening enough as a human.

Grant needed to be informed of my upcoming absence, but something kept me from dialing the numbers. Knowing he was an Arch—a fallen one at that—made me feel uneasy. I had been rude to him, even insulted him at times. Being kept in the dark seemed to be the theme of my life, and yet this time it felt like a violation of my trust by everyone. Not to mention the unspoken competition I felt between us was forever ended. He had won. Every jab at my expense, every flirtation was only him goading me, and I played into his hand every time. Knowing that made future conversations with him difficult. The urge to admit defeat might come, and that would be the ultimate humiliation. Nope. Absolutely not. Wasn’t going to do it. Jared was his celestial BFF. He could talk to Grant.

“Sweetheart?” Jared called from the hall.

I shoved more clothes into my suitcase and then zipped the lid shut. “In here.”

He chuckled. “I know. Bex called. Grant will keep an eye on Mom. He said he needs to speak with you.”

“You talk to him. You know the details of the trip.”

“I don’t know the details of Titan. He wants you to go in tonight. I’m going to let Bex follow you in while I run to a friend’s clinic to get the rest of the supplies, and then I’ll be by.”

“Jared—”

He pulled me to his side, his arms surrounding me. It just occurred to me why the temperature of his skin didn’t feel as warm as usual. I was running the hybrid fever as well. That was one thing I would be glad to have back once Bean was born: Jared’s warmth had always been so comforting. Now that it was gone, I mourned its loss a bit.

Bex burst through the front door and sprinted up the stairs, stopping just short of us.

Jared tensed. “What? Is it Mom?”

“No. Why?”

“Why else would you barge in and run full speed up the stairs like that?”

Bex shrugged. “I don’t know. I just felt like running. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that at any moment someone we care about could die. Don’t do that to me.”

“Okay,” Bex said, taken aback. “I’m sorry.”

Jared stomped down the stairs and slammed the door behind him. Bex looked at me. “I didn’t mean to.”

I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “It’s okay, Bex. He forgets you’re just a kid, I think. You’re doing great.”

Bex’s half-wounded, half-appreciative smile offered little persuasion that my pep talk did him any good. He waited for me to dress for the office, and then I allowed him to drive the Beemer to Kennedy Plaza.

“You are so much like your brother,” I told him as he opened my car door.

“I wish he’d see that.”

“He does.”

“I’ll walk you to the door. With them shelling, we can’t be too careful.”

I nodded. Although I felt bad that Bex had to babysit me once again, I was glad he was so close. The sidewalk was an obstacle course, and as usual I didn’t choose the correct shoes. My high heels landed unbalanced on broken cement more than once, and my pregnant body wasn’t in its most graceful state—angel-blood-amped or not. If Bex’s newly thick and bulging arms hadn’t been there to grab me, I would have rolled both of my ankles at the very least.

“Okay. You made it. I’ll wait in your car for Jared.”

I nodded. “Sounds like a plan, kiddo.”

“Nina?”

“Yep?”

“Think you could stop calling me that? I’ll be fourteen in a few weeks, and it’s awkward when people hear you. I look older than you.”

“Do not.”

“Do so.”

“Fine,” I grumbled. “My apologies, Mr. Ryel.”

“Bex will do.”

I pushed through the glass door, frowning. I wasn’t sure when Bex had grown up, but it was unsettling. My boot heels clicked across the tile floor, muffling when I reached the elevator. The building was quiet, making me even more nervous to meet with Grant.

The elevator opened, and I stepped into a dark hallway. “Grant?” I called. Everything was quiet. The sounds of the copy machine, the phones, the clicking of keyboards, and conversation were notably absent. The nervousness I’d felt about speaking with Grant was overshadowed by something else. My body was on alert. Something was off.

A faint glint of blue light trickled from under my office door. I blew out the breath I’d been holding. Get a grip, Nina. You bested Claire today. Whatever is behind that door, you can handle.

I gripped the knob and turned, trying to keep the fear at a manageable level. When I realized who was at my desk, I was instantly angry.

Sasha, leaning back in my chair with her ankles crossed and on top of my desk, held the phone to her ear with one hand and curled a strand of her ginger hair around a finger of the other. “Oh stop,” she said, laughing, slightly swaying back and forth in my custom-made Aero chair.

I swung the door open, hoping to surprise Sasha so much that she fell onto the floor. Instead, she glanced at me and then continued talking without pause. “Ugh, and did you see the shoes she wore? I thought about giving her a mercy-nudge into that mud puddle just to cover them up!”

“Sasha,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. “Hang up the phone, please. We need to talk.”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “I need to go, Mom. Someone needs her office for the first time this week—coincidentally when I’m on the phone. Okay. Bye,” she said, returning the phone to its cradle. “You have the last cord phone in this entire building.”

“It was my father’s.”

“So?”

My first reaction was to run at her full speed and tackle her bony ass to the floor. Then she wouldn’t be in my chair, complaining that it wasn’t fit to her standards.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and began again. “I’m not changing anything in this office. I like it the way it is. Because it is, in fact, my office. Which begs the question: What are you doing here at ten o’clock at night?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Answer the question, Sasha,” I replied, exasperated.

“I was working,” she snapped. She pulled a file off the desk and held it against her chest as she approached me. “Trust me; your office was happy for the change.”

I started to cross my arms but forced them to stay at my sides. “What exactly do you hope to accomplish here by insulting the CEO of the company? How far do you expect to get here, Sasha?” I hated how arrogant that sounded, but I was genuinely curious.

“Grant is the CEO as far as we are all concerned.”

“Where is he? I was supposed to be meeting him here.”

“He left in a hurry. He didn’t say where, but it’s not him that I’m concerned isn’t putting in enough hours around here.”

“What you should be concerned about is the company you’ll be applying to after you graduate. Who do you think will sign your recommendation letter? Who do you think will have the final say on your reference report?”

“You wouldn’t.”

My eyebrows popped up. “You’ve made an enemy of me from day one. You can’t expect me to feel sorry for—”

“Grant has plenty of positive things to say about my time here.”

“Grant likes your short skirts and that you have coffee waiting for him every morning. Even if he did somehow notice the insignificant tasks you do complete, he would also see how many mistakes you make. You are not the asset to this company you believe you are, and you’re a bi—” I stopped, catching myself.

“I’m a what?” she goaded.

“A bit rough around the edges.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I know you’re the princess of Titan. That doesn’t mean you get everything.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” I said, wrinkling my nose.

Sasha stuck her hands on her hips. “Oh, enough already with the oblivious routine. You may have some people fooled, but I’m not one of them,” she said, poking her chest with the last few words.

Frustrated, I closed my eyes, shook my head and sighed. “If you don’t wish to resolve this, fine, but stay out of my office unless you have my verbal permission.” I opened the door, gesturing for her to leave.

Sasha’s arms crossed tighter, and she lifted her chin in defiance. “Truth hurts?”

“I honestly don’t have time for this.”

“You just threatened my career. Make time,” she said, pushing the door shut.

“What career?”

“Better than a fake one.”

“Are you serious? You’re bitter because I’m taking my father’s place in the company? As if you wouldn’t had you the opportunity! What father doesn’t want his child to take over the family business?”

“You’re never even here!”

“What is it that you want, Sasha? My job?”

“No! It’s absolutely ridiculous that you have this huge office right beside Grant that you’re never in! What a waste of company resources! Grant keeps this company running while you’re off doing God knows what with your husband-slash-stalker. It’s disgusting,” she said, her face screwing so tight, the skin around the creases in her face turned white.

“Disgusting?”

“Yes! When you do decide to show up, you’re so busy flirting with Grant that you still don’t get anything done. What will happen to this company if Grant decides to leave? It’s doomed!”

Sasha’s words turned a light on inside my head, and I stood there in shock. “You’re in love with him,” I whispered.

“Oh, please,” Sasha said. “You must be losing sleep again.”

“You’re in love with Grant.”

Sasha’s mouth fell open. “Am not!”

I pointed at her. “You’re in love with him, and you’ve been pissed at me this entire time because he flirts with me!”

“You think I’m jealous of you? That’s just the most ridiculous . . .” She trailed off, laughing to herself. Her face turned red, and she took a step forward. “I don’t see what anyone sees in you. You’re not talented . . . at anything. You’re not that smart, definitely not that attractive, you have no fashion sense, and you have the personality of a rock.”

“Tell me how you really feel,” I said, incensed. “I don’t care what Grant sees. I’m married to the most perfect, amazing, handsome man in the universe.” Although it was the truth, I inwardly cringed at how sophomoric it sounded.

“You don’t care? Then why did you stick me in the bowels of the file room? I know you wanted me out of the way!”

I wanted to tell her that Grant was the one who cast her away, but that was crueler than I was capable. “You can have Grant. I never wanted him,” I said. Even the thought of Grant, of me and Grant . . . Ew.

“He’s not yours to give away!” Sasha howled. “You want to know what I can’t stand about you? That! That right there! That snooty, presumptuous, overconfident tone you have when you have zero redeeming qualities! Your father thought you hung the moon, Grant thinks you can do no wrong, your best friend/assistant treats you like a queen, and your husband should have never given you the time of day. Now, you’re pregnant and gloriously happy. I’m not jealous, Nina; I’m revolted! You don’t deserve anything you have!”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“What?” Sasha said softly, clearly caught off guard.

“I don’t have any redeeming qualities to speak of. I don’t know why Grant has that ridiculous crush on me—if that’s even what it is—and I am the first person to admit that I don’t deserve Jared. He probably just fell in love with me because it’s his job to be around me twenty-four-seven and he didn’t have time to date. He disagrees, but I’ve always thought . . . .”

“Well”—she cleared her throat—“you’re not . . . you’re not that bad. I mean you’re not funny at all, but sometimes you make Grant laugh. And I’ve seen you be sort-of kind to Beth. Once. No, you don’t have any redeeming qualities, but since when does anyone need to be extraordinary to be loved? Most people are average—not me, of course—but it’s perfectly fine that you are.”

I took a deep breath. “I can see why you’re upset with me. I haven’t handled our situation in the best way. I should have talked to you. I didn’t realize . . . I mean, looking back, I knew about Grant. But I thought it was the position you wanted, not necessarily him. Now that I know, I get it. I don’t think he’s all that attractive, but I see why others do.”

“He’s very cute,” Sasha sulked. “He really does care about this company and the employees, and he’s so smart—and sweet. When he’s not trying to figure out how to keep Titan on top, he’s talking about you. It’s infuriating. You are never kind to him.”

I frowned. “I’m not. I will try to work on that.”

“No! Don’t do that!” she said, shaking her head. “I just meant that . . . Don’t go out of your way on my account.”

“I’m sorry. I would like us to get along better,” I said. Now that I knew the source of her disdain, it was easier to understand the motives behind her hateful remarks. “You still can’t put your feet on my desk.”

“You’re right. Totally out of line. I apologize.”

I wasn’t sure what to say next. We had never been civil to each other, and now that we had come to an understanding, all that was left was an awkward silence.

“I was, er, I was just about to get some coffee,” Sasha said. I’m going to be here all night reorganizing the file room. It’s atrocious. So . . . do you want some?”

“Coffee?”

“Yes,” Sasha said, trying a smile.

“Here,” I said, pulling a twenty-dollar bill from my pocket. “I can’t drink coffee, especially not the sludge in the break room. Grab me an apple cider and yourself a coffee at that place on Spruce. It’s my favorite.”

Sasha snatched the bill from my fingers. “I’ll get it. I need a break, anyway. I just need a flashlight.”

“Why?”

“I had to park four blocks down in that parking garage because of the construction, and the lighting is nonexistent.”

“Why don’t you take my . . .?” I had to stop myself and think. Jared was surely back by now, but he couldn’t take her in the Escalade for many reasons. My car was parked at the curb just outside. The only people I had allowed to drive it were Jared and Bex, and that was only because they had supernatural powers of precision and lightning reflexes. It was too late, now. I’d opened my mouth, and a retraction would shake our already fragile cease-fire. I would have to let Sasha drive the car my father had given me.

“Why don’t you take the Beemer?” I said, nearly choking on my words.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I said, holding out the keys. “Just be careful, please.”

Sasha smiled. “What do you want?”

“I’ll have a large hot apple cider with caramel. Oh, and a slice of their Lemon Velvet cake.”

“I know it’s summer, but I can get you an iced coffee if you’d prefer.” I shook my head, and Sasha’s expression changed quickly from confusion to understanding. “Oh, right. The baby. Okay, I’ll be back in twenty.”

I smiled. “I’ll be here.”

My keys jingled in Sasha’s hand as she disappeared behind the elevator. I leaned against the wall, wondering if I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. How could I trust Sasha with my most precious possession? She hated me.

I bit on my thumbnail and paced back and forth a few times. I thought about the different items in my car. Would she go through it? Was anything incriminating inside that might hint at the truth about Jared? My cell phone rang in my pocket. I quickly fished it out.

“I’m fine,” I said.

“Then why is your blood pressure going through the roof?” Jared said. His voice alone slowed my heart rate. “I can stop her if you don’t want her to take your car.”

I walked through my office to the large window, looking down to the street below. “Yes, because that won’t look suspicious at all.” The lights of Fleet Rink were bright enough to illuminate the entire block, and I watched as Sasha followed the sidewalk, her red hair bouncing against her silk olive blouse. The headlamps of the Beemer blinked, and a short blip sounded when the alarm was deactivated.

“Her car seems in good shape,” Jared said, trying to comfort me. He was in the Escalade across the street, pressing the cell phone against his ear as he smiled up at me.

I took a deep breath. “I don’t know why I’m worried. It’s only a mile awa—” My words were cut off by a loud boom. In the same moment, the space where my car once sat turned into a billowing fireball. The glass vibrated, but it didn’t break. The windows of the Escalade didn’t fare so well. I could see Jared’s shocked expression as he sat in the driver’s seat. Flaming debris shot into the sky and fell into the street.

“Oh my God! Help her, Jared! Help her!” I screamed.

“Stay inside!” Jared yelled over the noise. He jumped from the Escalade and ran to the roaring flames. He covered his face with his arm, testing different sides of the car. I could see from three stories up that he couldn’t breach the flames. Even if he had, Sasha was gone.

Jared watched the fire in horror, grabbing each side of his blond hair with his fists. He shook his head and then grabbed his knees, leaning over. After a few moments, he ran back to his Escalade and took off at full speed. The wheels squealed against the pavement.

I ran to my desk and grabbed at the phone with trembling hands. I tried to dial 911, but my fingers shook so much that I kept hitting the wrong keys. After the third try, Jared was beside me.

I collapsed into him, tears finally welling up in my eyes. “What happened?” I cried. “Where did you go?”

“I wanted them to think I panicked and drove off. It was a bomb, Nina. They wired your car with a bomb.”

I paused, my eyes widening. “I killed her. I gave her the keys to my car and sent her to her death! Oh my God, Jared, she’s dead! She’s only twenty-two years old! She just got off the phone with her mother not half an hour ago!” My voice grew shriller with every fact.

Jared hugged me to him, unable to find words of comfort. “I should have sensed it. I should have smelled it—something.”

“Nothing?” I said, looking up at him with wet eyes.

He shook his head. “Not a damn thing. The baby and how it affects your body saturates my senses. They must have wired it after you arrived at work. I don’t understand. I wasn’t half a block away. I should have seen it.”

“We have to call the police,” I whimpered.

“Let someone else do it. If whoever placed the bomb somehow mistook her for you, it may buy us some time. That’s why I made such a show in the street. They’re probably watching.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. Must have been a shell. There’s no way to tell how many are around.”

I nodded, and Jared pulled my hand, leading me to the stairwell. He held his finger to his mouth and then opened the door. We descended four flights of stairs into the basement level and then sneaked out an access door to the alley.

My shoes tapped against the wet pavement and sloshed through puddles. The moonlight glistened on the wet pavement we walked upon. Jared led us through labyrinthine alleyways cluttered with green trash bins and litter until we finally reached the Escalade.

“This wasn’t your fault,” he whispered.

“Then whose fault is it?” I sobbed, hitting the door with my fist. “I want to know! I want them to be held accountable for taking an innocent person’s life! She was mean and spiteful, but she had her whole life ahead of her! It’s not fair!”

“No, it’s not. It’s sloppy. They’ve never made a mistake like this.”

“You think it was a mistake?” I sniffed.

“One way or another.”

My face fell again. “She was in love with Grant, and she never told him.”

Jared frowned. “I’m sorry for Sasha. I’m sorry for her family when they learn of her death, but we have a bigger problem here. We’re leaving in one week, and you won’t be allowed to leave the country if you’re involved in an investigation. We have to explain why she was in your car, and why your car was there and you weren’t. That’s after they declare it wasn’t you in the car. That could be a while.”

“Stop.”

He thought for a moment. “We’ll have to go away. Write a note to Beth explaining that we went on a short getaway and that you left your car keys on the desk in case she needs it, and I’ll have Bex put it on the floor under your desk in your office so that it looks like it fell.”

“Stop, Jared.”

“We’ll go away for a few days. Figure out our next move.”

I squeezed my eyes tight. “Just stop it!”

“What?”

“It won’t matter.”

Jared grabbed each side of my face and looked into my eyes. “Don’t do that. You’re not going to give up.” One hand left my cheek and touched my belly. “We have a reason to fight more now than ever.”

His cell phone buzzed in his jacket pocket. “Ryel. She’s fine, but it was her car. No, her car exploded. They wired explosives to it. I’m not sure, yet. She let Sasha take it for coffee. No,” Jared said, his voice low. “We’re going to leave town for a few days; buy us some time. Send Bex. I need him to run a note to Nina’s office. Bye.”

Sirens sounded in the distance. Jared put his phone away and cupped his hands over my shoulders. “You with me?”

I nodded. “I need paper and a pen.”

Jared patted his jacket and pulled out a pen, and then he blurred out of sight. A few moments later he returned with a pink memo pad. I scribbled a few lines to Beth explaining my impromptu vacation and the location of my keys in case she needed to move my car, and then signed it. Five minutes later, a motorcycle pulled into the alley.

Bex planted his feet on the ground and pushed the visor of his helmet up. “Whatcha got?”

“Put this in Nina’s office, under her desk as if it fell. We need to explain this away.”

Bex pulled off his helmet and grabbed the paper. “You guys staying here or . . .?”

“No. We’re leaving town for a few days. I’ll call you when we get there.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know, yet,” Jared said. “Stay out of sight, and go straight home to Mom.”

Bex nodded once and then sprinted down the alley toward Titan. The sirens grew closer. Jared squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek. He opened the passenger door, brushed the broken glass from the seat, and then repeated the process on his side. We drove south, stopping just outside of town. Claire and Ryan were waiting in Ryan’s Tundra truck.

“I figured you would need a vehicle with windows for your road trip,” Ryan smiled, tossing Jared the keys.

“Thanks,” Jared said.

Claire pointed to the bed of the truck. “We brought your luggage. Good thing you were going on a trip, anyway.” I nodded, feeling a little lost. Claire offered a sympathetic expression and a hug. “Sorry about Sasha. You’ll be soaking up the sun on vacation, and I’ll be here finding out who tried to kill you. Whether they’re human or not, they won’t bother you again.”

I frowned, and then tears pushed over my eyes and fell down my cheeks. I squeezed her tightly.

“Don’t worry,” she said, making a point to look into my eyes. “This will all be over soon.”

12. Road Trip

We were heading south on Interstate 95. With my head resting against the passenger side window, I kept the beat in my head with the white lines as they zoomed past and out of sight. My body felt empty and numb; I didn’t know if I was awake or asleep. Traumatic events should have been second nature to me. Maybe that was why I wasn’t a crying, shaking mess. I wasn’t coping—or maybe I was. Maybe I was simply feeling acceptance, but it was hard to know without feeling anything.

Jared moved a piece of hair from my face. “Why don’t you try to sleep?”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Try,” Jared said, rubbing my arm. It was just a comforting gesture; we both knew I wasn’t cold. Bean coming sooner rather than later suddenly seemed a relief. Summer was unbearable for any pregnant woman, but considering my heightened temperature, it could mean trouble. Jared’s hand left my arm and rested on my belly.

My eyes finally shut sometime soon after entering the Bronx, and didn’t open again until we were just south of Philadelphia’s city limits. It was still dark when I awoke, and my hair was plastered against my cheek, warm and moist between my face and the console. Jared had traveled the distance in half the time it should have taken.

It wasn’t long before I processed where we were and why, and then the tears came. “Oh,” I said, wiping my cheeks. Being unsettled and upset was a strange relief. I was normal, after all.

“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart,” Jared said, leaning over to kiss my hair.

“Have you heard from anyone?”

He nodded. “Claire shot me a text. They put out the fire and found the body. They think it’s you. Everyone will probably find out in the morning.”

“My mother . . . .”

“Claire already informed her. She’ll play dumb and devastated to the police. She knows the routine.”

I let a puff of air escape my lips. “At least she won’t think I’m dead.”

“It could be Monday morning before anyone notices Sasha is missing.”

“I don’t know,” I said, picking at my fingernails. “She was on the phone in my office talking to her mother. They seemed close. Her family could file a missing persons report today or tomorrow.”

Jared nodded, deep in thought.

It didn’t feel right letting Sasha’s death go unannounced. If she typically spoke with her mother daily, she could be waiting for her call, her worry turning into panic. My hand drifted to my midsection, resting over the bump that protected our child. Sasha was someone’s daughter. Her mother had brought her home from the hospital, taught her to crawl, walk, and raised her to be the young woman she is—was. That woman, who loved Sasha more than anything else in the world, was sleeping peacefully for the last time. The moment Sasha crossed her mind—the moment it occurred to this woman to call her daughter—would be the first moment of thousands that she would feel a horrible sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. More guilt washed over me.

“Stop, Nina. It’s not your fault,” Jared said.

“I don’t suppose we can tell Beth?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

Jared only offered an apologetic expression.

We pulled into a gas station for the second time. Anyone else would have thought twice about stopping at such a nefarious-looking place in the wee hours of the morning. Bars guarded the windows, and several unscrupulous characters loitered next to the front door. Jared, however, stepped out and walked past them as if he were at the mall.

I waited in the truck, hoping none of the people staring back at me would become curious enough to wander over. Jared was only inside for a moment, and then he emerged, holding a bottle of water and something deep-fried and stuffed with cheese and chicken.

He frowned as he handed them over. “It’s not the healthiest thing, but I thought it would tide you over until we could find a decent restaurant.”

I took a bite. It was disgustingly wonderful.

Just as Jared pulled back onto the highway, my cell phone buzzed. The display lit up and I instantly tensed. “It’s Beth,” I said.

Jared sighed. “You have to let it ring.”

“She is probably sick with worry. I can’t just let her think I’m dead.”

Jared took the phone from my hand. “I sympathize; I really do. Beth doesn’t deserve that, but we don’t have a choice.”

I shook my head and looked out the window. Jared was right: Beth didn’t deserve a friend like me. She had only been patient, honest, kind, loyal, and protective. I couldn’t imagine the despair I would feel if I answered a call informing me that Beth’s car had exploded with a charred body inside. My heart ached for her. If I hadn’t been riddled with guilt before, now I was so ashamed I could barely stand to be in my skin. Tears welled up in my eyes and fell down my cheeks. If Beth ever found out that I knowingly allowed her to suffer over my death, she would never forgive me—and I would never expect it from her.

The phone stopped ringing, and the voicemail chimed, letting me know she’d left a message. I held out my hand to Jared, but he shook his head.

“Do you really want to hear the worry in her voice? You feel bad enough.”

I covered my face with my hand and shook my head. “This is awful, Jared. This is so wrong.”

Jared leaned over and kissed my temple. “I’m so sorry, Nina. I’m so, so sorry.”

I looked over at him and could see he was just as upset as I. If he could find another way, he would, but once someone knew about our life, there was no going back. I didn’t want that for Beth, either.

We continued south and by daybreak reached Maryland. The morning sun glistened on a sign that read Eden Pop.793. Trees lined the median on one side of the road; railroad tracks on the other. Other than a few billboards and a patch of land used for tractor sales, I couldn’t see much of Eden.

“That’s an interesting name,” I said.

“It fits, too,” Jared said straight-faced. “The town is just as hard to find as the garden.”

“Ha, ha,” I teased, unimpressed with his joke. “So do we have an actual destination?”

Jared smiled. “We do, now. When I saw we were on Ocean Highway, I thought of the perfect place.”

“Which is . . .?”

“Myrtle Beach.”

I smiled. “I’ve never been there.”

He met my eyes, matching my expression. “I thought it would be a relaxing place for you to wait while the investigators figure out what happened, and then when they contact us—and they will—we’ll return in a few days, upset and flustered.”

I frowned. Jared’s plan wouldn’t work. If anything, once the Providence PD followed the breadcrumbs we left for them, we would look more suspicious. Jared’s loft had already been declared an act of arson, and they had assumed it was him. Unable to prove anything, no charges were filed. But now that my car had also been targeted, he would be under investigation again. If they found out we were there at the time of the explosion, they could charge and hold us for a number of things. With every thought, my concerns compounded.

“It’s not the first time I’ve had to explain myself to the police. I promise there is no need to worry. We’ll explain our version and leave for Jerusalem as planned. If I can kill a dozen or so dirty cops in one night and keep our names out of it—”

“But her family. Don’t you think the police stopped looking back then because they dug deep enough to see what was going on? Sasha’s family will want answers.”

“Ryan and Claire will take care of it. The family will have answers. They’ll just have ones that don’t implicate either of us. You have a bodyguard that everyone knows about, Nina. Now everyone will know why. You’re a target, and Sasha was collateral damage. It’s not far from the truth, actually. The only difference is that we won’t have to explain why we fled the scene.”

Jared took my hand, kissed my fingers, and then pressed my knuckles into his chest. “I’m sorry about Sasha. She didn’t deserve to die, but you can’t blame yourself for her death. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”

I stiffened. “How can you say that? You couldn’t have known that—”

“I should have known. That very easily could have been you.” He frowned at the thought. “I’m glad it was her and not you. I know you’re wallowing in guilt about what her family will feel when they get the call, but I want you to think about the moment that car exploded. If it hadn’t been her, honey, I would have watched my wife and child die in the same moment. You can’t wish that for me.” He released my hand and wiped his eyes with his thumb and index finger and then sighed. “I’m just glad it wasn’t you.”

I wanted to tell him that it shouldn’t have happened at all, but I was afraid it would only make him feel worse. “First the loft, now the car . . . .” I sighed. “We won’t have anything before long.”

“We need to take out whoever the hell knows anything about explosives, that’s for sure.” He laughed once, sounding exhausted. “This being so in tune with you and Bean that I’m missing important things like a bomb on your car is also a negative.” He shook his head. “It was ignition-based, so it couldn’t have been there before you left for Titan. It must have been set up between the time you got there and when it blew. Bex would have sensed it. The only time they would have had a window is after I arrived.”

“How is that possible? You were in the Escalade a few feet away.”

“Exactly,” he said, his expression unsettled. “It was difficult to focus before . . . .”

“Before what?” I asked, knowing better. Jared had become skilled at leaving me out of the loop. It wasn’t like him to slip.

He replied with only a sigh, but he was visibly upset. It was then that I made a decision. I no longer wanted to be in the dark. I was a mother now. With so many important things at stake, it was time I took an active role in the effort to save our lives.

“Tell me,” I said.

“After we . . . . I’ve been more in-tuned to you for a while. I had just become used to wading through the mess to get to the basics of what I used to feel when you . . . when we . . . .”

“This would be a good time to forget your usual hour-long explanation and just get down to the naked truth.”

“The baby. I sense it, too. It’s amazing, but it’s also distracting. Very distracting.”

“You sense the baby?” I smiled. “So is Bean your Taleh, too?”

Jared frowned. “This whole situation is unprecedented. That would mean the baby is human, and that’s obviously not the case. Maybe it’s because the baby is a part of you. I just don’t know.”

From that point on, Jared remained silent except for the few times we made pit stops. As the sun began to set, we had just breached the outskirts of Myrtle Beach. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that Sasha’s mother hadn’t heard from her for a full day, and at any minute they would go to her home, and the panic would begin. Sasha would be reported missing any moment. The guilt began to close down around me once again, so much so that it was hard to take in the beauty ahead.

While we had been eating a late lunch, Jared had called ahead and reserved a condo at Myrtle Beach’s most Northern Point, the Grande Dunes Oceanfront. As we pulled up to the resort, I gasped at its extravagance. It worsened my sense of guilt.

“What is it?” Jared said. I could see the hope in his eyes. He wanted this to be an escape, but I couldn’t stomach maternity massages and facials, knowing my friends and Sasha’s family were going through hell.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do. I really do. But this is not a real vacation. We’re hiding out while most of the people I know think I’m dead and Sasha’s family frantically searches for her.”

Jared nodded and squeezed my hand. “That’s the idea, but I’m not pitching a tent on the beach for my pregnant wife. You deserve a little comfort while you’re busy stressing out for everyone.”

“‘A little comfort’ would be the Super 8 down the road, Jared. This is a resort.”

“It’s beachfront, and the ocean will clear your head. C’mon.”

Jared checked in while I tried to seem completely normal about the fact that we brought two large full suitcases for a quick getaway. The staff was too pleasant, almost eager that we had arrived. I thought that strange for two reasons: one, Jared called for reservations just a few hours before; and two, we weren’t celebrities. Their behavior quickly had me convinced that they were shells, and they would attack us at any moment.

“Sweetheart?” Jared called over his shoulder.

I glared at the girl behind the desk. Her blond spiral curls bounced against her full pink cheeks. Her warm brown eyes were glazed over with the absolute captivation she felt standing before Jared. I remembered that feeling. Jared was ridiculously beautiful, and his looks and confidence alone must have made them think he was famous in some way. Okay, maybe they weren’t demons with skin, but that girl was still looking at my husband as if she wanted to eat him.

“I’m fine,” I said with my best fake smile. Other than watching a colleague I’d known for three years turn into toast before my eyes, I wasn’t sure why I was in such a foul mood. Girls like that behaving in a completely understandable way hadn’t affected me in years. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d rolled my eyes at waitresses or coeds nearly slobbering over Jared. It could be several things, but I was sure my rounding form was the culprit.

Jared returned to me and the luggage. Inside the room, Jared placed our luggage on the mattress and looked around. The room was spacious and light, not unlike any other hotel room I’d spent time in.

“This is nice,” Jared said.

“Have I ever told you that you suck at small talk?” I smiled. I walked the few steps to reach him and then pressed my forehead against his chest.

Jared laughed and kissed my cheek. “Yes.”

I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face. The puffy towels smelled sterile and flowery, a quick giveaway that we weren’t at home. I groaned and stretched. A belly nearly in full bloom and a long road trip didn’t mesh well together. I felt stiff and groggy.

“Nap or beach?” Jared said. He pulled off his boots and slipped his bare feet into a pair of leather sandals.

“Both sound equally appealing, but a walk on the beach after being stuck in the car is the better option.”

“Agreed,” he said, holding his hand out to me.

We lazily walked to the near-private beach of the Grande Dunes, letting the new summer wind whip around us. The scene looked like a postcard, everything I imagined the perfect beach to be. Jared picked a spot and unfolded a blanket. He sat with his elbows resting on his knees as he looked out toward the ocean.

“It’s almost like being back in Little Corn.”

“Almost.”

Jared peered up at me. “Sit with me.”

I fidgeted, knowing I was about to play into my childish insecurities. “They were attractive.”

“Who?”

“The girls behind the desk.”

Jared laughed once and then crawled onto his knees. He leaned toward me and placed his hands on each side of my belly. “Nina, there has always been something about you that I couldn’t shake. Even when I didn’t want to love you, I was drawn to you. I couldn’t think of anything else. Now you’re my wife, and you are carrying our child. There is nothing more beautiful than that. When you’re sweaty and exhausted holding Bean, then that will be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. When I see tears fall from your eyes when we send Bean off to the first day of kindergarten . . . that will the most be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. When you comfort me each time we send our kids to training, on every one of our anniversaries, and when you’re hair turns gray, every one of those moments will be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

He nuzzled his nose into my belly and then wrapped his arms around my middle. “You always say the right thing,” I whispered, touching his ears.

He looked up at me. “If the impossible happened and something more beautiful existed, I wouldn’t notice. You have my constant, undivided attention. You always have.”

I smiled. “Only because I pay you.”

Jared’s white, wide grin was a contrast against the tan tone of his face. “Not anymore. When you marry your boss, you can pay yourself.”

I playfully nudged him in the ribs; still he hugged me to him. Resting on the blanket, we watched the sun slowly melt into oranges and purples until it sizzled against the horizon. I wondered if the sky looked the same on the other side of the world and if, once we arrived in Jerusalem, we would see the sun again until the baby was born.

I relaxed back against the blanket, looking up at the sky. The stars were visible on the eastern half of the sky over the water, but they were still burned out by the sun in the West. Jared grabbed my arm and I froze.

“What is it?”

Jared smiled and pulled out his Glock. “You were about to lie on my sidearm.”

“You brought your gun? Worried the grains of sand would shell?” I smiled.

“When the Others start shelling, it’s impossible to know who’s a threat and who’s not. That’s why we can’t get to the Sepulchre fast enough as far as I’m concerned. I almost wonder if they didn’t blow the Beemer on purpose. If they knew our plan—and I’m sure they did—if they didn’t kill you in the process, they thought it would keep us from leaving. Bex has a harder time sensing them, so I know with my . . . distraction, it could be dangerous.”

I nodded. “It’s not fair that with everything else we’re dealing with your senses are overwhelmed, too.” I frowned. “Now that I think about it, none of this is very fair.”

“Considering the circumstances, I think it’s clear we have some fans up there. We have Eli and Samuel vying for us. That’s a huge advantage in and of itself.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” I grumbled.

My cell phone rang. It was Beth again. I closed my eyes tightly while Jared took the phone and pushed the silence button. He buried it into the tote I had carried with me to the beach and then pulled me against his chest.

“You can tell her goodbye before we leave. She’ll only feel this way for a few days, and then you can comfort her. She’ll probably tackle you and forget all about it.”

“No, she won’t.”

Jared took in a deep breath and wrapped his arms tighter around me. “I’m just trying to help.”

“I know. I know you are. It’s just that I feel I’m hurting her intentionally. It’s not fair that she is the only close friend who isn’t in the loop.”

“Do you really want to expose her to all of this? More importantly, do you think she can handle it?”

I shook my head. “No. I know you’re right. I don’t want to tell her. I just feel like a jerk. ‘Jerk’ doesn’t even cover it. I’m a bad friend—a bad person.”

“She’ll be able to close her eyes every night not wondering what’s with her in the dark, Nina. I’d say you’re being kind.”

“Maybe. Can you imagine her reaction when she finds out we’re leaving for Israel in a few days? She’s going to freak out. I don’t even know how to explain it to her.”

“Then don’t. It’s not a necessity to tell her we’re going to Jerusalem. Just say the West Coast or something.”

I pressed my lips together in a hard line. “I’m tired of lying to her, Jared.”

“I know.”

The stars had crowded out the last colors left behind by the setting sun, and the ocean was as black as the sky above. I might have been chilly at night by the water a few months before, but being wrapped in Jared’s arms coupled with my own elevated temperature, the sun might as well have been bearing down on my skin.

The wind rolling off the water blew my hair into Jared’s face, and he turned his head, blowing the strands from his mouth.

I smiled, but my amusement quickly faded. “Speaking of Jerusalem . . . .”

“Yes?”

“If they know we’re going, won’t they try to stop us? If it gets worse than a car bomb, we’re going to be busy. What if they wire the plane?” I laughed once without humor. “What if they shoot us down?”

“That is a possibility, but we’re prepared.”

Dread settled over me. We would be vulnerable on the plane, and it would be a ten-hour flight.

“We’ll land, get you and the book to the Sepulchre, and wait it out underground until you deliver.”

“You make it sound simple, but you forget demons will do everything they can to stop us.”

“We just have to get you there. It’s smooth sailing after that.”

“You hope.”

The skin around Jared’s eyes tightened. “I’m going to stop by the warehouse before we leave. Talk to Eli.”

“I thought he said to come to him when we only had one question to ask?”

Jared kept his eyes on the ocean. “I don’t think the question is ours to ask.”

13. The Road Home

We revisited that spot on the beach many times over the next two days. Jared sat with me and watched the waves roll onto the sand and the water carry distant ships slowly across the horizon. We discussed our upcoming trip to Jerusalem, but Jared kept most of the details to himself. He didn’t want to worry me with the truth of what he saw coming. Although I was much stronger than I used to be, that didn’t change the fact that I was carrying our child.

The only sound was the wind and the intermittent waves sizzling against the sand, but my mind was crowded and discordant. Sometimes I would close my eyes tightly and try to push out the hundreds of frightening thoughts in my head, but then I would see Sasha. No matter how tightly Jared wrapped his arms around me or how hard I tried to pretend we were in Little Corn, thoughts of demons and Sasha and bombs plagued me.

My cell phone rang several times. Beth’s phone number dominated the call log and my voicemail with her frantic pleas. Sasha hadn’t come to work, and it was clear she was also missing. Before long, other people began to call, even Cynthia; although, I assumed it was just to keep up pretenses for the police. As far as they knew, she was afraid I was dead or missing.

By the evening of the second day, Jared’s phone buzzed. “Ryel.” Jared listened for a moment, gave a quick affirmation, and then hung up. “The investigators expect the results of the dental records any minute. It won’t be long.”

“Well, that’s good news, I guess.”

Sasha’s family learning that it was her remains the police had found inside of my vehicle wasn’t a good thing, but it was a means to an end. It all was. The true good news was that I could finally call Beth.

Claire was right; within the hour, she texted a confirmation. When Jared gave me the go ahead, I dialed Beth’s number.

“Where in the hell have you been?” she wailed. “I thought you were dead!” Her breathing quickened until sobs developed in her throat, followed by a pause in the form of muffled noises before Chad came on the line.

“Uh . . . hello?”

“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I left a note. I thought everyone knew I was gone. Jared and I needed some time away, so I turned off my phone. I feel awful.”

The last bit was true. I could hear Beth sobbing in the background; hearing Chad try to comfort her only made me feel worse. While consoling her, he tried to fill me in on what had happened. He described the scene at Titan: the police tape, the lines of employees waiting to be questioned, and the blackened asphalt where my BMW burned into the night.

Before long, Beth took the phone back and put it to her ear. “My life has been miserable. Everyone at Titan either spread rumors or spontaneously burst into tears, alternating between irritated and hateful. Did you know Sasha is missing, too? It’s insane!”

“Missing?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. The guilt weighed on me with every lie I told.

“Oh my . . . Oh my God, Nina. The last person to speak to Sasha was her mother. She said Sasha was working late at Titan the night she went missing. Do you think she was in your car? I mean . . . if it wasn’t you, then who?”

“I . . . I don’t know. Maybe you should say something to the investigators.”

Beth began to cry again. “That poor girl. You should call your mother and then call Providence PD and tell them you’re okay. You’ll probably have to come back right away.” She sniffed again. “I’m sorry in advance if I smack you upside your head for scaring the bejesus outta me.”

I laughed once. “You’re forgiven.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay. As much as I loathe that woman, I hope it wasn’t Sasha, either. That’s an awful way to die . . . Nina?”

“Yes?”

“Someone put a bomb in your car.”

“It certainly appears that way.”

“But . . . doesn’t that . . . doesn’t that bother you?”

I sighed, resolved to tell her at least some of the truth. “I’m used to it, Beth. Why do you think my father hired Jared?”

Beth didn’t speak for a long while and then finally managed a whisper. “I guess I didn’t think about it. I’m sorry. I remember Mr. Dawson, but I . . . I didn’t know things were so frightening for you.”

“I’m at the beach, Beth, and I’m married to my bodyguard. Don’t worry about me, okay? We’ll talk when I get back.”

Beth blew a deep breath of relief into the phone. “Please hurry. I need to see you.”

“Jared is already packing.”

I sat in the truck, dreading the long car ride home while Jared checked out at the front desk. He jogged to the Tundra and slid into the driver’s seat, leaning in to kiss me. “I know it was stressful, but I cherished these last three days with you. When we go away, it’s easy to forget about the rest of the world.”

I grabbed his hand, holding it tight. He knew as well as I did that our return would stir a hornet’s nest. We had just enjoyed our last few days of peace, and now we would be fighting for our lives. I touched my belly, and Jared reached over to touch the same spot with his free hand.

His blue-gray eyes darkened and his brows pulled in. I nodded, knowing exactly what was on his mind. He leaned in for a kiss, soft and slow. His lips pulled at mine the way they did when we first met, as if it could be the last time. He pulled away and then pressed his forehead against mine. We sat there in silence in our emotional embrace, neither one having the courage to cry or speak, just in case it became overwhelming.

Jared put one hand back on the wheel and shoved the gear in drive. “Okay,” he said, “back to Providence.”

The drive home seemed to take less time. Jared made me repeat the story we would tell the police over and over. I had recited the words dozens of times when the twinge hit.

Jared immediately looked down to my belly, and then his eyes met mine. “Are you okay?”

I grimaced. “Maybe we could pull over for a moment. I should walk, I think.”

The Tundra made a gentle turn to the left, pulling into the gas station we had stopped at on the way to Myrtle Beach. A familiar group of transients idled in the parking lot. Jared opened my door, and kept close as we made our way into the store. To escape the eyes of the quiet group as we walked past, I kept my eyes on the asphalt, noting the grease spots and wads of old gum. I wasn’t sure if it was their presence, but something seemed off, and I could tell that Jared felt it, too.

Jared held the door open for me, and even though I let out the breath I’d been holding, the heavy feeling only became worse. Apart from the cashier, we were the only ones in the store, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something awful was about to happen.

Meandering in the aisles with no real goal, I stretched my back and neck, picking up a package of something and then setting it back onto the shelf. A roach crawled from behind bags of crackers and then disappeared. I lurched back my hand and glanced around. I didn’t recall the store being quite so filthy the last time we were inside, but my memory consisted of a quick trip to the bathroom.

One of the fluorescent lights blinked and buzzed overhead. From my peripheral vision, I could see that the man behind the counter was staring at me. He had a small build and dark complexion. His lack of expression made me instantly nervous. I’d seen that look before.

I heard the cooler doors shut, and then Jared rounded the corner with two large bottles of water and a forced smile. He held out his hand, pulling in his fingers twice to signal me to come to him. The air around us felt stale, and my heart began to thump loudly against my chest.

“You don’t have long,” the man behind the counter said, glancing to my protruding belly.

I instinctively touched my belly with my free hand.

Jared cautiously approached the cash register, keeping me a safe distance behind him. He took another step and paused. “Are you okay?” he asked the cashier.

The man was panting, his body swaying in a rhythmic movement. Sweat glistened across his face and neck and dampened his white polo shirt. The darkened circles under his eyes made his sunken eyes seem even more alarming.

When the cashier offered no response, Jared took a step back and threw a ten-dollar bill onto the counter. “That should cover it.”

The man looked down at the folded bill before him and then closed his eyes. He pressed his fingertips onto the counter, and then his body vibrated for a few moments before he snapped straight. He peered up at Jared. His eyes had changed; now obsidian orbs bulged from their sockets.

Jared put his hand on my chest and nudged me toward the door. “It’s time to go.”

I stumbled back, reaching blindly for the glass door behind me. The small man jumped into the air and landed in a crouch on the counter. “I’m going to gut her like a fish.” The sound of his voice was terrifying: a combination of a small child and the hiss of a snake.

I pushed open the door and ran headfirst into one of the large men who belonged to the group of bikers in the parking lot. He had a long gray beard and wore riding leathers. Forgetting my new strength, I plowed over him, knocking him to the ground. The man looked up at me with shock and confusion. Within seconds, all expression left his face, and the blackness of his pupils spilled into his irises and then to the whites of his eyes.

I scrambled away from him, and then Jared grabbed my arm, pulling me to the Tundra at full speed. The passenger door slammed in my face, and then Jared was next to me.

“Seat belt!” he commanded.

I grabbed for the clasp, trying in vain to remain calm. The small, dark man galloped toward us on all fours. Jared stomped on the gas pedal. The nozzle was still tucked in the Tundra’s gas tank, and after a quick yank, the line came free of the pump, dragging behind us as Jared fishtailed onto the highway.

I rolled down the window.

“What are you doing?” Jared yelled.

“Your gun!” I said, my heart pounding against my rib cage.

“Here!”

He pulled his Glock out from behind him and placed it on the seat between us. I grabbed it and then leaned out the window. Jared grabbed a fistful of my dress to keep me from tumbling to the road below. The small man stood in the parking lot, chin down, watching us flee with his unnatural black eyes. I stretched out my arms in front of me and pointed the gun at him, aiming at his forehead.

“What are you doing?” Jared yanked on my skirt, pulling me into the cab of the truck. “You can’t kill him!”

“Why in the hell not? He was going to kill us!”

“Once the demon leaves, the shell is human again. He’s an innocent, Nina.” Jared pressed a button on his door, and my window rolled up, cutting off the wind that had blown my blond hair into a wild mess.

I turned to keep an eye on the shells. There was no telling how many had turned. The fuel line swaying against the asphalt distracted my attention. The nozzle had finally broken free of the Tundra and rolled into the ditch. A loud boom vibrated the truck, and a ball of smoke and fire rolled into the sky. The small man still stood in the street, glaring at us, just in front of the roaring flames.

“Jared!” I cried.

“So much for that,” Jared said, frowning. He peered into the rearview mirror to assess the damage. A column of fire shot up from fuel pumps. It would be a miracle if any of the people we’d left behind survived.

“Those people,” I moaned, touching the palm of my hand to my forehead. My eyes filled with tears, and I turned to face the front.

A few miles later, two large fire trucks, a pumper truck, and an ambulance raced toward us. All four vehicles ran hot, full lights and sirens screaming, fading away as they passed. The ambulance trailed behind, but the second that its back bumper was in line with ours, it flipped around.

“Jared?”

“I see it,” Jared said, grabbing his side arm from the seat. He reached over, pulling my seat belt tight, and then without slowing down, jerked the Tundra to the right, turning one hundred and eighty degrees until we were face to face with the black-eyed ambulance driver. Jared held his Glock outside of the window and aimed, shooting at their tires. The ambulance fishtailed, and then Jared jerked the truck again until we were once again facing north with the ambulance behind us.

The ambulance skidded and then tumbled forward, finally cartwheeling across the road and into the field on the opposite side.

As I watched, it seemed to happen in slow motion, but within seconds of seeing the emergency vehicles, Jared had taken out the ambulance’s front tires and righted the truck so we could go about our journey. My mind hadn’t quite caught up with the events, but my heart was ripping through my chest.

“I thought you said not to kill them!”

Jared put the gun back in the seat and peered into the rearview mirror. “I hope they’re not dead.”

He picked up his phone and held it to his ear. “Claire. They’re shelling. I need backup.” He snapped the phone shut and then pushed the phone under his thigh.

“Is she coming?”

He nodded once. “They all are. We just have to get to them.” The Tundra surged forward when Jared stomped on the gas. The speedometer climbed from seventy-five to eighty-five then ninety-five. The engine screamed a deafening soprano as Jared desperately tried to get us closer to his sister.

“Maybe we lost them,” I said, more to comfort myself than to convince my husband.

Jared reached his hand across the console and gripped it around mine. We were vulnerable and he knew it. Any human we came across was a threat. Jared’s hand squeezed tighter, and all color left his face.

“I can’t decide if I should turn off the highway to a road that’s less traveled or stay and cut down on time.”

“This particular stretch didn’t seem busy when we came through. Maybe we’ll get lucky. It’s the cities I’m worried about.”

We passed only a car or two over the next ten minutes. Every time I saw something in the distance, I tensed and waited. Each time the car would pass without so much as a wave, and the adrenaline would absorb back into my system. I was beginning to feel sick and dizzy after an hour, but I knew we couldn’t stop.

“They’re up to something,” Jared said. He was squinting, trying to focus as far out as he could to see any impending danger.

“How long before we meet Claire?”

“I don’t know when they left. I’m assuming right away. Considering the time of the call and how fast Claire drives, I would say less than an hour. Maybe half that.”

I nodded quickly, trying to make myself feel better. “Thirty minutes. We can hold on for thirty minutes. What could they possibly throw at us that we couldn’t handle for that long?”

Jared didn’t speak for a solid minute while he studied the road ahead. When he finally focused on a tiny dot in the distance, his face fell and his breath caught. “Oh, my God.”

I knew my human eyes wouldn’t have been able to make out the dark blur several miles ahead, but Bean gave me focus I might not otherwise have had. The long, dark blots on the road, dancing against the heat off the asphalt, barreled toward us.

It wasn’t until I tried to form a sentence that I realized my mouth was gaping open. “What do we do?”

Jared released my hand and reached under the seat. He offered me an extra handgun and then put both hands on the wheel.

A caravan of Army vehicles—a Humvee, three Jeeps, and a large supply truck—moved toward us at full speed. The back of the truck reminded me of a covered wagon, only one covered with camouflaged tarp.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” I said, breathless.

“They’re probably on their way to Fort Story,” Jared said.

“I don’t care where they’re going. This is why things have been so quiet, Jared. Hell knew about that caravan and planned to shell them the second they crossed our path. You have to leave the road.”

“They’ll just follow.”

I sighed in frustration and then looked down at my watch. “Maybe they aren’t armed.”

“That FMTV transport has an armored cab. It could obliterate the Tundra if I let it get close enough.”

I turned to him and tried a nervous smile. “Please don’t.”

Jared returned my smile and then nodded, gripping the wheel. He pressed on the gas. I wasn’t sure what he had decided, but he had a plan. It was possible that the drivers of those trucks wouldn’t shell at all. We could pass them without a problem as we had the previous ten or so vehicles. That, of course, was just empty hope. I could feel a strange burning deep inside my bones. Every one of those soldiers had already turned.

14. The Most Important Thing

The Jeep passed first and then the Humvees. I was just about to allow myself hope when the transport truck jerked into our lane. Jared didn’t twitch; he just drove faster. The needle on the speedometer vibrated at one hundred miles per hour. I gripped the door handle so tightly that my knuckles turned white under the pressure. I trusted that Jared had a plan, but at the same time, soaring down the road to meet an armored truck in a head-on collision didn’t sound like a good idea to me.

“Hang on, sweetheart,” Jared said, his voice low. “When I get out, take the wheel.”

“When you get out?” I said, instantly panicked.

In a move that was so smooth it seemed choreographed, Jared swerved to the right and jerked the wheel again in a nearly perfect half-circle around the Army truck. As the Tundra spun off the road, Jared opened the door and stepped out, shooting directly at the Army truck’s tires. I heard several popping noises, but I was focused on grabbing the wheel and getting my foot on the break. Although I was terrified, the move was effortless, and before I had time to be afraid, the Tundra had come to a stop on the shoulder.

I peeked over the steering wheel to see the truck skidded to a stop, all of its tires blown. Jared held one of the soldiers in the crook of his arm. The soldier went limp, and Jared lowered him gently to the ground. I counted eleven men on the ground, all of them unconscious.

Jared’s eyes met mine, and then he looked behind him, noticing the other vehicles circling around. He took off in a sprint, pointing behind me. I turned to see two shiny dots in the distance. I squinted, focusing in on the objects, and made out a motorcycle and a black sports car. It was Claire’s Exige, traveling at a speed manageable only to Earth’s most badass Hybrid.

I turned the wheel and stomped on the gas, picking Jared up along the way. My foot was flush against the floorboard as we raced toward our family.

Jared had barely broken a sweat.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yes. The shells don’t have the strength of demons because they don’t have the same hold on them that they do when they take the time to possess. I didn’t want to kill them, so I incapacitated them.”

“Will they come after us after they wake up?”

“It’s possible,” Jared said, turning around. “Faster, honey.”

The Jeeps and Humvees were gaining ground, and with a quick calculation, I figured if we were lucky we would reach Claire when the Army vehicles caught up to us.

Jared leaned out the window and aimed at the tires of the first Jeep. His gun clicked, and he popped out the clip. He leaned into the back seat and pulled out a bag, dropping it to the passenger floorboard. It was full of ammo and handguns.

“Where the hell did that come from?”

“Claire helped me pack.” He shoved another clip into his gun and flung his top half out the window.

He got off only a few more shots before ducking back inside. The Exige swerved to one side of the road, and Bex’s motorcycle went to the other, creating a clear path for us. I looked to my right, and everything went from hypersonic to a snail’s pace. Claire came into view, and half of her mouth was pulled up into a smile. She winked. Ryan was in the passenger seat, showing me his fist. His index finger and pinky was up, and his mouth was open, his tongue hanging out.

When they passed, I pulled off to the side of the road and made a wide turn. One of the soldiers manned the turret of one of the Jeeps, aiming in Bex’s direction.

“What should I do?”

Jared reached over and turned off the ignition. “We wait.”

Claire drove until she was behind the caravan and then flipped around, pulling alongside one of the Jeeps. Her tiny arm appeared outside her window, gun in hand. She pulled the trigger once, shooting out the front tire. The Jeep swerved out of control and then cartwheeled toward the Tundra.

“Jared?”

My husband held my hand. “It’s fine.”

The Jeep continued to roll at us, end over end.

“Jared!”

I pulled the keys from his hand, shoved the keys in the ignition, and then paused as I watched the Jeep skid on its side and come to a halt inches away from our bumper. My heart started beating again, and a puff of air escaped my lungs.

Gunfire drew my attention down the road. The Exige fell behind what was left of the caravan, driving strangely straight and at a decent speed for a moment before Claire popped out of the passenger side. In the next moment, Bex was next to her on his Ducati. As if they’d practiced the move a million times, Claire jumped onto the back of Bex’s bike—backward—with two guns.

Bex pumped his wrist, and the motorcycle took off like a rocket. Claire’s platinum hair whipped into her face while she took out another Jeep’s tires, but the soldier on the next Jeep began firing on them.

Bex maneuvered close to the Jeep, and then he jumped off his bike high in the air, flipped, and landed, sure-footed, behind the soldier. After a short scuffle, the soldier flew off the Jeep and rolled onto the shoulder. Claire flipped around and drove the bike next to a Humvee, punching through the glass and pulling the driver from his seat and onto the road. The Humvee fishtailed and then rolled six times, finally slamming into a tree.

The bike skidded to a stop, and Claire hopped off of it, pulling the remaining soldiers out of the Humvee. She checked each for a pulse then picked the Ducati off the ground and pushed it to the Tundra. Ryan slowed the Exige to a stop just a few feet away and then got out.

“Glad this is fun for you,” I said.

Ryan’s eyes immediately fell to my belly. “Whoa, Nigh, how long were you gone? You look ready to pop.”

I rolled my eyes, and then my eyes drifted behind Ryan, to the Jeep approaching slowly. The Jeep parked and Bex stepped out, frowning at Claire. “Did you scratch it?”

Claire shrugged. “It’ll buff out.”

The scene behind them looked like the aftermath of war.

“Should we call an ambulance?” I asked.

“I already did,” Ryan said, crossing his arms across his chest.

Claire fiddled with her hair, knotting it into a bun. “They won’t remember anything, so we should move out before any of them come to.” She handed Jared a set of keys. “The Escalade is good to go. You can pick it up at Mom’s.”

Jared wrapped his arm around Claire’s head, trapping her in the crook of his arm, and then gave her a quick kiss on the head. “Thanks, kid.”

Claire pulled away with a smile, waving him away dismissively. “We were bored, anyway.”

Jared punched Bex in the arm. “Nice moves, little brother.”

Bex lifted his chin and smiled. “I’m a beast. Wait ’til we get to Jerusalem.”

Jared and I returned to the Tundra, with him back in the driver’s seat. In a caravan of our own, we returned to Providence. With the Exige behind us and the Ducati in front, we raced home. Sandwiched between my brother and sister, I felt at ease, completely different from an hour before. I leaned back and took a deep, relaxing breath. Jared smiled and reached his hand across the console. Our fingers intertwined, and I watched the different terrain pass by my window, unfazed by what might be ahead. I knew I was safe, and in that moment, that meant everything.

Just after sunset, we pulled into Lillian’s drive. Bex pulled into the yard and held the door open for me. Claire was next, and she and Ryan walked together up the sidewalk. They were elbowing each other and smiling, still happy and excited. Ryan didn’t seem affected in the least, and it was at that moment I knew they were truly meant for each other.

Jared patted Bex on the shoulder as he walked by and then took my hand, guiding me into the dining room. Lillian was expecting us, and the table was already set. She brought out a large plate of brisket and placed it in the middle of the table. Claire disappeared into the kitchen and Bex followed.

Lillian pulled the oven mitts from her hands and then wrapped her arms around my neck. “Look at you! Darling, you look wonderful! How do you feel?”

“Big,” I said, only half-kidding.

“It doesn’t take long,” she said. Her smile was as warm and bright as the sun.

Lillian had always made me feel so loved and welcome. I was sad that she wouldn’t be there for Bean’s birth.

“Oh,” she said, touching my cheek. “What is it?”

“We’re leaving soon.”

She offered a comforting smile. “I know. But the next time I see you, you won’t just be my favorite daughter-in-law, anymore. You’ll be the mother of my grandbaby.”

I leaned into the crook of her shoulder, and she hugged me tighter. “You probably haven’t had a home-cooked meal in a few days. Let’s eat.”

At the table, Claire and Bex were chattering excitedly about the encounter with the Army trucks, and Ryan was busy stuffing food in his mouth. Lillian cut her food into small, bite-size pieces, smiling as she listened to her children talk about their day.

Jared smiled, amused at how Claire and Bex took turns with each sentence of the story. He held a fork in one hand and touched my knee with the other. I noticed the end of the table had an extra, empty place setting.

I leaned into Jared’s ear. “Is Lillian expecting someone else?”

Jared looked down to the plate and then shrugged. “Er . . . Mom? Is someone else coming to dinner?”

Lillian’s eyes brightened. “Yes. I didn’t have much notice, so I extended the invitation a bit late.”

The doorbell rang, and everyone at the table traded glances. Lillian patted her mouth quickly with the napkin and then pushed her chair away from the table.

The familiar sound of clicking heels echoed through the entry, down the hall, and into the dining room.

“Oh, Nina, dear!” Cynthia said, her arms outstretched.

I stood, a bit startled when she took me into her arms. “Hello, Mother.”

Cynthia relaxed her grip and held me at arm’s length. “I heard what happened. I trust you’re all right?” I nodded and she continued, “And the baby?” I nodded again, and she pulled me against her once more. “That’s very good news. Good news, indeed.”

It felt a bit strange to have her at our dinner table, listening to Claire and Bex describe the chaos and wreckage. She didn’t seem affected, however.

After Bex served dessert, I realized it would be our last time for several months to see Lillian and Cynthia and that we were all trying very hard to pretend it wasn’t. The Ryel family was practiced at this sort of thing, but I struggled to keep the sadness away. I caught Cynthia more than once glancing in my direction. I wasn’t sure if it was my belly that held her curiosity or the fact that she wanted to memorize my face in case we never saw each other again.

After a proper amount of post-dinner socializing, Cynthia excused herself, citing a previous engagement. I walked her outside and watched with a smile as Robert got out of the car and opened the back door for Cynthia.

Cynthia looked down at her expensive shoes and then laughed once. “I could’ve been a better mother, Nina, dear.”

Her words caught me off guard. I wasn’t sure how to reply, but even if I had been, she didn’t give me the chance.

“It’s always been hard for me. I was never what one might call a natural-born mother. These instincts that people talk about . . . Well, I never had them. Your father was always so good at hugs and kisses. I suppose I envied him for that.” She dabbed her nose with a tissue and then looked up at me. “I do love you. If you’ve ever questioned that, please accept my sincerest apology.”

I grabbed her hand and offered a smile. I could feel my eyes threatening to tear. “I love you, too. I’ll see you soon.”

Cynthia took me in her arms, and beyond her thin shoulder and the porch light, I saw Robert’s shocked expression. She let me go, and without looking back, she left, her heels clicking against the pavement until she disappeared into the car.

I wasn’t ready to meet the curious stares of the others. I walked around to the back of the house and leaned against a beam of the back porch. Murmuring caught my attention, and I saw Ryan and Claire sitting on the porch swing, looking up at the sky.

She was giggling, and he nonchalantly rested his arm on the back of the swing behind her. She didn’t lean away, and I smiled at the scene.

“I had fun today,” Ryan said, watching for Claire’s reaction.

“I couldn’t tell.” She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide her smile.

“My favorite part was when we traded places in the car.”

“I bet it was.”

They exchanged stories about the battle with the shells and laughed as they teased each other. Every time Claire was in Ryan’s line of sight, his eyes lit up. His grin was so innocent and animated that it was infectious.

Ryan pushed back against the swing, and again they sat quietly, with just a few residual giggles interrupting the still night. Claire held her feet out in front, her tan legs a perfect accessory to her cut off jean shorts and casual pink tank top. The black combat boots just made her outfit more ‘Claire.’

Ryan rubbed the back of his head, trying to seem casual. “I gotta tell ya I’m a little nervous about the trip.”

Claire turned to him, squaring her shoulders. “Are you scared, little girl?”

Ryan huffed, playing off her taunt. “Scared. Psh. I can handle it. I’m nervous about how it’s going to turn out. What if something bad happens?”

Claire’s playful smile melted and she faced forward. “It won’t.”

“But what if it does?”

“Then I’ll fix it. I always do.”

“What if something happens and you can’t fix it?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “That’s only happened once.”

Ryan squared his shoulders, facing her completely. “You mean your dad?”

She only nodded.

“Have you ever been up against something like this?”

Claire paused for a long time. I wished that I could see her expression. I wasn’t sure if she was annoyed at his line of questioning or if she was afraid of the answer.

“Hey,” Ryan said. When Claire ignored him, he tapped her shoulder. “Hey.” She looked at him, then. “I’ll be right behind you. And I don’t mean that you can’t take care of yourself, because we all know you can. I just mean if something happens I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you need.”

Claire took a breath. “I just assumed you already knew, but now I realize you don’t. Jared is the last line of defense, so if we lose them, we won’t know it. Do you understand?”

After a pause, Ryan nodded.

Claire continued, “The baby she is carrying is the most important thing. We have to protect it until we can’t.”

“The baby is important,” Ryan agreed. “But you are the most important thing to me.”

Claire watched him, and then her eyes fell to his lips. Ryan’s eyes turned soft, and then he leaned in.

Watching them suddenly felt wrong. I turned, trying to find the best way to escape. The way I came seemed to be the best exit, and I took a step back.

Claire smiled. “You’ve watched this long; you might as well stay and watch it play out.”

“I’m . . . I’m sorry,” I said. My face instantly flushed.

Jared appeared at the back door, holding it wide open. “Everything okay?”

Ryan laughed and shook his head. “It was.”

“Oh,” Jared said with an awkward look. He and I traded glances, and then he retreated into the house.

Claire giggled and then punched Ryan in the thigh.

“Ow!”

“Wait up!” she said, following me to the front yard. She was at my side in less than a second and hooked her elbow around mine. “I meant what I said you know.”

“Which part?”

Claire stopped, her face fell, and she lowered her chin so I could see directly into her eyes. “I don’t know how all this will play out. Knowing Jared, he has a plan B, C, and D, but if something goes wrong, we’ll just figure something else out. The only other option isn’t an option.” I shook my head, and Claire pulled me into her chest with a tight squeeze. “Piece of cake.”

Jared stood at the Escalade with keys in hand. “We should get going. We still have to stop by the warehouse.”

I nodded and then waved to Claire. Ryan walked up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders. It was so natural to see them standing next to each other. I couldn’t remember what it was like when Ryan didn’t know the Ryel secret and he and Claire didn’t spend every waking moment together.

“See you on the plane,” Ryan said with a contrived smile.

I paused. “I’d understand if you didn’t want to go.”

Ryan shook his head. “I’m in the Army Special Forces, Nigh. I live for this shit.”

Jared tugged on my hand. When we reached the Escalade, he sighed.

“You’re worried for them.”

“No,” he said, starting the engine. “I’m worried for us and what we’ll have to put up with when they don’t have an impending war to keep them entertained.”

15. Questioned

Jared drove across town and then took the highway that would lead us to the warehouse. Once we exited the highway and hit a dirt road, I knew we were close. The night sky was clear, and every star in the universe seemed to be present to watch over us. No wind, not even the sound of crickets or cicadas, played for us as we parked and walked down the gravel drive. Jared unlocked the large, rusted lock of the gate, and then I followed him to the side door. Jared pushed the button and then waited.

Accustomed to waiting ten or twenty minutes, I settled in, but the door immediately clicked, and Jared pulled me inside.

“Now, that’s service,” I said, smiling.

Jared smiled back. “He’s expecting us.”

“Isn’t he always?”

The full moon let in the only light, casting large shadows across the vast cement floor. My sandals scraped against the dirt, and echoed throughout the building. Jared walked across the room, stopping in the middle.

This time was different from the visits we’d made before. This time, I could feel Eli. I could almost smell him. It seemed as if he were closing in—that he was in the next room and making sounds to signal he was heading our way—but there was no sound. I could only feel it.

His energy grew stronger, and then he was standing in front of us. He wore the same ensemble as usual, and I smiled at his casual sandals. I withstood the urge to hug him. He had saved our hides the last time I’d seen him, but I didn’t know where we stood now.

Eli’s smile was immediate and sincere. “Hello, Nina. You look positively radiant! Doesn’t she look radiant, Jared?”

“She does,” Jared said.

“Time is so inconsistent between planes. It seems as if I’ve been waiting ages for you two. I trust the family is doing well?”

“So far,” I said.

Eli held one arm across his middle and touched the other hand to his mouth as he feigned being lost in thought. “Hmmm . . . you’re going on a trip, soon? Leaving this weekend?”

Jared nodded.

Eli’s eyes widened. “I heard. You really aren’t going to make this easy for the dark side, are you?”

Jared took a breath. “You don’t seem concerned.”

Eli laughed once. “It’s hard to be concerned when nothing is a surprise. Just once I’d like to say, ‘OMG!’ you know?”

I laughed, and Eli nodded, glad for my reaction.

Jared released my hand and then rubbed the back of his neck. “This is no road trip. We need protection in the air.”

Eli pulled his mouth to the side. “He’ll remain neutral.”

Jared frowned. “How can I protect her if the plane goes down? This opens us up to any number of obstacles: power failure, engine failure. If we end up in the water, we could wind up in a storm with fifty-foot waves. That’s not balanced.”

Eli nodded. “True. I’ll put Samuel on it. Make sure things stay fair. Deal?”

“Good enough.” Jared nodded. “One more thing . . . .”

“Oh, you’re ready, are you?” Eli said, his eyebrows shooting up.

I couldn’t help but smile. “That looks awfully close to surprise to me.”

Eli grinned from one ear to the other. “It feels like it, too. I should probably say, ‘OMG’ to make it official, right? OMG! You’re ready?”

Jared smiled and then looked down, nodding. “We’re ready.”

“For what?” I asked.

Eli’s expression softened. “The last question. The child is special, Jared, the first angel born to earth. As you already know, this child is capable of much and has powers beyond your comprehension, but your wife is your only responsibility.”

Jared frowned, trying to understand what Eli was trying to tell him.

I gripped Jared’s arm. “But I thought once the baby is born it would be protected. Isn’t that true?”

“Yes,” Eli said. “But Jared is not its protector. He is yours.”

Jared put his hand on mine. “Ask your question, Eli. Ask the only question left.”

“Can you trust her?” he said.

“Nina?” Jared said. He looked at me, confused.

I could see Eli staring at us. His words were soft and slow. “A mother’s love is everything, Jared. It is what brings a child into this world. It is what molds its entire being. When a mother sees her child in danger, she is literally capable of anything. Mothers have lifted cars off their children and destroyed entire dynasties. A mother’s love is the strongest energy known to man. You must trust that love and its power. Can you do that?”

Jared never took his eyes from mine. “Yes.”

Eli nodded. “Then have confidence to carry out your plans.”

I looked to Eli to tell him goodbye, but he had vanished. I took a deep breath and threw my arms around my husband. “Do you feel better?”

“Not that I think you’re incapable, but I’m not practiced in the art of spectating.”

“He just told us we could go to Jerusalem and be safe! He just said everything will be all right! Didn’t you hear him?”

Jared frowned. “I heard him tell me to hand you total control.”

I smiled. “And I heard you say you would.”

Jared nodded, clearly frustrated. “I know. I will.” He took my hand and led me to the Escalade. I shot him a warning glare, and he winced. “I swear.”

“I don’t think he means that I should lead the operation. My love for our child will keep it safe. I take that as a good thing, and it sounds very simple.”

“Too simple. I don’t want you thinking we’re going to land and take a taxi to the Sepulchre and everything will work out as planned. It’s going to get messy, very fast.”

I squeezed his hand. “We can do it. We have to.”

Jared took my face in his hands and pressed his lips against mine. I grabbed his blue T-shirt in each of my fists and pulled him closer. My belly kept us farther apart than usual, but I was as close as I could get for the moment.

“Whoa!” Jared said, backing away.

I grabbed my belly and laughed. “You felt that?”

“Of course I did. Think Bean’s trying to tell us something?”

“That we’re grossing him out?”

Jared opened my door and helped me in. “Oh, now it’s him?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m playing around with both.”

Jared shut the door and, in the next moment, slid into his seat. He shoved the shift into gear and then pulled away, a residual smile on his face.

I leaned over and hugged his arm, leaning my head on his shoulder. For the first time in a long time, tomorrow didn’t seem so ominous. Eli gave us all a bit of hope.

My cell phone rang, and I fished it from my purse, reading the display. “Hi, Beth,” I said.

“How long have you been in town?”

“A few hours. I know I said I would come over. We had to see Lillian and Cynthia, first.”

“Okay, I get that, but you could have at least called!”

I frowned. I was failing right and left at friendship. “Okay. Let me make it up to you. I’ll meet you at the pub in twenty minutes.”

“The pub? Really?”

“Yes. I’m sure you need a drink. I’ll call Ryan and Claire. They can meet us there.”

“Just like old times!” Beth squealed. “I’ll tell Chad!”

I dropped the phone into my purse and smiled. “She hung up on me.”

Jared frowned. “Do you think it’s wise to meet in a public place after the day we just had?”

I looked out the window. “This is my town. I dare them.”

Jared chuckled and then took my hand, kissing my fingers. “You’re very attractive when you’re feisty.”

I grinned over his compliment and watched Providence pass by as we made our way to the pub. Once in a while I would sneak glances at him. Jared hadn’t changed much since we met. He was still the tall, blond, movie-star-handsome man who sat next to me on the bench almost three years before. His chest and arm muscles still caught my eye when they moved and flexed under his shirt; his blue-gray eyes still made me pause. Life couldn’t have spiraled out of control any more than it had, but I wouldn’t trade it. A different life didn’t even appeal to me at that point. Despite the fact that we were about to run for our lives, I had everything I’d ever wanted, with a man I loved desperately. Were the danger, stress, and fear worth it? Damn right they were.

The neighborhood around the pub had deteriorated since my freshman year. The streets seemed darker, and instead of college students congregating outside the front door, those loitering were much older, wearing sad stories on their faces. Jared pulled into the parking lot across the street. Nearly hopscotching my way around the puddles in the road, I ignored the stares of those standing outside and led Jared into the pub. Tozzi was no longer behind the bar. In his place was a large woman with long yellow hair. She didn’t greet us when we came in.

“New management, I’m guessing,” Jared said as we found a table. “I guess Beth hasn’t been here lately, either, or she would have said something.”

“It’s a shame. Some of my favorite Brown memories are of this place.”

Jared put his elbows on the table and settled in, smiling. “You mean the first night we danced?”

I rested my cheek on the palm of my hand, shooting a flirtatious smile across the table. “That’s exactly what I was referring to, yes.”

The music was loud, so I resorted to texting Beth to see if she wanted to meet elsewhere. I felt safe anywhere if I was with Jared. Although Chad was no pipsqueak, I couldn’t imagine she would be comfortable here.

Seconds after I sent the text, Beth and Chad pushed through the door. Beth’s eyes were wide as she looked around and only slightly relieved when she recognized Jared and me. She waved at us and then pulled Chad hastily across the room to our little corner.

“What in the hell happened to this place?” she said.

I leaned into the table. “Do you want to leave?”

“Why?” Chad said, puffing up his chest. “I’m ready for a beer.”

We ordered, and then Claire appeared with Ryan right behind her.

One of the men whistled and then slapped Claire’s backside. She jerked to a stop and, with her stiletto boots, kicked the leg of the chair the man was in. It splintered, sending him tumbling to the ground. Neither Claire nor Ryan glanced behind them. They simply continued to our table as if nothing had happened.

One of the misfits at the man’s table stood, and then Jared pushed himself away from our table, rising until his six feet, two inches towered over his challenger. Even from across the room, he was intimidating. When the friend promptly took his seat, Jared did the same.

“You always have to make an entrance,” Jared grumbled to his sister.

“I’ll never get his greasy fingerprints out of this fabric.”

“That’s what you get for wearing pleather,” Ryan joked.

“This is not pleather,” Claire seethed. She jerked her head, shaking her bangs from her eyes. Her ice blue irises glowed against her nearly white hair, and I silently hoped that Bean looked just like her. I’d like him to be a little nicer, of course, but physically, Claire was the perfect female specimen.

Beth filled us in on the magnitude of emotions at Titan, the rumors, and how well Grant was handling it all. The longer Beth talked, the hotter the pub became, as more grungy bikers and seedy individuals flowed through the door. Hearing Beth over the noise became more difficult for Chad, but Jared and I only pretended to struggle. To me, Beth sounded as if she were talking directly into my ear.

A fight broke out and Jared stood. He was on high alert, waiting for the crowd around us to shell. I watched the scuffle until they were thrown outside, and then I breathed easier. Jared was right. I was too confident. Even with the added security of Claire and Ryan, Chad and Beth could easily be hurt if the rowdy crowd inside shelled and we had to fight our way out.

“Maybe we should find somewhere else,” I said.

“I agree,” Beth jumped in.

“I’ll get the tab,” Jared said.

Claire rolled her eyes. “You guys are babies.”

Beth and I left Claire and Ryan sitting at the table, walking together toward the door. Just a few feet away, we waited for Chad and Jared to pay the bill. Chad was laughing at something Jared had said. I smiled. There was something so satisfying about Jared socializing with someone other than our inner circle. It made him more human.

Spending time with people who didn’t know our secrets was relaxing for me, and it seemed to be that way for Jared, too. In that moment, I accepted my choice to keep the truth from Beth. Not only was it for her own safety but I could rationalize that it was for my own sanity as well.

“You’ve really popped!” Beth said, gesturing to my belly.

Instinctively I put my hand on my rounded belly. “Crazy, isn’t it? It seems as if it happened overnight.”

Just then another fight broke out. People were punching and shoving, their bodies bouncing against each other like pinballs. I desperately tried to find Jared in the chaos, but when a line of sight finally opened up, he was no longer beside the bar.

Knowing that the safest place for us was outside, I hurriedly opened the door and pushed Beth into the night air. The fighting spilled out onto the sidewalk, forcing Beth and me farther away. I tried to keep her out of harm’s way, tugging on her until we found ourselves in the alley.

“Oddly enough, I feel safer in the dark,” Beth whispered.

Yelling and breaking glass sounded just around the corner, and I decided to stay put. We waited for Jared and Chad, but the minutes passed, and I fought away the feeling of panic. I imagined they were fighting their way out of the pub in that moment and, at any second, they would come around the corner.

The small space between the two buildings didn’t allow for much light. I felt a chill down my spine, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. From each end of the alleyway, whispers floated from the shadows.

I squeezed Beth’s hand. “We should see what’s taking so long.”

Beth nodded. We took a step and then froze. A large man who I recognized from the pub stood in the way, his eyes bulging black spheres. His mouth moved, but he spoke in a different language, something I’d never heard before.

Beth let out a small gasp, and she took a step back, pulling me with her. A dark metal side door opened, and the bartender stepped out. Her expressionless face and dark eyes signaled that she had shelled as well.

“Oooooooh sh—” Beth began, but I pushed her against the brick wall, right beside a dumpster.

“It’s okay. Jared and Chad will be here any minute,” I said. I turned, holding up my hands in a defensive pose.

The two shells approached me, the woman with a frightening smile and knife in her hands.

“Chad!” Beth yelled. “We’re in the alley!”

“Help!” I called. I could still hear yelling from the sidewalk fight. It would be difficult for anyone to hear, not that any of them would come to our aid. I deduced that Jared was dealing with shells of his own or he would already have reached us. The shells came closer and I braced myself.

“Crap,” I said.

The woman lunged at me, and I dodged. I kicked, buckling her knee. Her head hit the brick cement wall just a few feet from Beth’s feet. Beth covered her mouth and let out a yelp. The bartender regained her feet, blood dripping from her hairline, and took a step toward Beth. I picked up a branch beside the dumpster and swung with both hands. The woman fell to the ground. The knife clanged against the asphalt.

Beth leaned over, picked up the knife, and held it in front of her, shaking. “Don’t go near her!” she said. “She’s pregnant!”

The man smiled and spoke something inaudible once again. He ran at me, and I jumped over him, letting him careen at full speed into the brick wall. He stumbled back and I attacked. My hands balled into fists, and I punched his face over and over and then grabbed his leather jacket with both hands and threw him to the ground. He grabbed my ankle and yanked, knocking me off my feet, but within seconds, I was standing, my hands out and ready.

My senses were heightened again, signaling that additional danger was coming, but it was too late. Someone burst out of the shadows and hooked an arm around my neck.

“Leave her alone!” Beth said, running at us with the knife.

I held out my hand, palm out. “Stay against the wall, Beth!”

She stopped mid-step, confused, and then I jerked my head back, hitting my assailant in the nose with my skull. I turned to see another man, this one skinnier and lankier, on the ground. Blood was spattered on his cheeks and forehead.

The larger man came at me with the branch. I used my forearm to hit it out of his hand and then shoved the heel of my hand into his throat. In Claire-like fashion, I spun around, kicking him in the head. He fell to his knees. I reared back my hand and punched him with my fist in the jaw, knocking him out cold.

The skinny man kicked my back, and I fell to the ground but caught myself before I fell flat.

“No! Nina!” Beth screamed.

I turned around, and threw every one of my limbs at him, kicking and punching. We were halfway down the alley before he finally swung and punched me in the face. Half-surprised that he had landed a punch, half-amazed that it didn’t hurt, I paused. Taking advantage, the skinny man lunged at my middle. My motherly instincts kicked in, and rage welled up inside of me. I moved to the side, and his fist landed against the brick.

Seeing that he’d left his side open to attack, I reacted, shoving my elbow into his throat, and then with one hand, I picked him up, and with all of my strength, I cried out, simultaneously throwing him against the opposite wall.

He rolled to the ground and didn’t get up again.

Beth ran to my side and threw her arms around me. I could hear her heart thumping against her chest, and she could barely catch her breath.

Jared and Chad rounded the corner, both disheveled. Jared’s terrified expression melted into relief, and his shoulders fell.

Chad’s eyes were wide, his breath labored. “Beth!” he cried, jumping over the bodies in his way.

Beth released me and ran into Chad’s arms, immediately breaking into loud sobs. It was then that Chad noticed the limp bodies on the ground, and his eyes met mine. “What the hell happened?”

Beth held up her hand, palm out. “Don’t say it,” she said to me, sniffing. She wiped her nose and took a step toward me. “I love you, but please don’t tell me how you did all of that. I honestly don’t want to know.”

“Well, I do,” Chad said.

“It’s better that you don’t,” Jared said, shouldering past Chad. He reached for me and I fell into him. “Every last one of them shelled. It took forever to get out the door.”

“It’s a shame, but we’re not going to that pub again,” Chad said, shaking his head. “It’s been taken over by misfits and criminals.”

“Where’s Claire and Ryan?” I asked.

Chad rolled his eyes. “Cleaning up. I think they’re enjoying themselves.”

We walked around the corner to find Claire standing alone, her arms crossed. Ryan grabbed a man twice his size and head-butted him.

“The PD will be here any minute,” Jared said.

“I know,” Claire said. “But I find him strangely attractive right now.”

Jared rolled his eyes and led me to the street, and Beth and Chad followed. When we reached the parking lot, Chad took a deep breath. His hands were trembling, as were Beth’s. I felt so sorry for them. They didn’t deserve to be dragged into our mess.

“Beth,” I said. I licked the blood from my bottom lip. “We’re going away.”

Her eyes shot up. “Again? But you just got back.”

“I need you to cover for me at Titan. Work under Grant. We’ll be gone for the summer.”

Beth left Chad and wrapped her arms around my neck, squeezing me tight. “I just need to know one thing: are you going to be okay?”

I smiled. “Yes.”

She nodded, taking a deep, cleansing breath, and straightened her shoulders. “I’ll take care of it.”

“I know you will.”

16. Direct Flight to Hell

My hands shook. The seat belt clanged as I tried to buckle it for the fourth time. Claire was two feet away, stuffing her carry-on in the overhead bin. Jared was outside, directing baggage and making doubly sure the preflight check had been carried out at least three times. Bex’s deep voice hummed from the back as he joked with Ryan. His nervous energy was evident in his tone, and even though he was trying to play it off, it was there.

The sun had set, and because of an earlier light summer rain, the tarmac glistened. Jared was pointing in every direction, answering questions, his expression severe. I was glad that he was able to burn off some of his anxiety by choreographing our departure.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Nina, here,” Claire said, snapping my seat belt closed.

I sighed and nodded in thanks, and she left me for Bex and Ryan. I rested my head against the seat and took a deep breath. My nerves seemed to take a back seat when I watched Jared work outside, so I tried to keep my concentration on the window.

A dark figure approached Jared. Kim. She was unhappy, and when I realized she would ride with us for the duration of the trip to Jerusalem, my anxiety level doubled. We had all abandoned her. She was left to fight alone, even after she was promised some relief. She had helped us, and we turned a blind eye while she lost sleep and her uncle. I was afraid of what she would have to say to me. And she had plenty of time to either let me squirm or call me out.

She held out her hand. With the abilities Bean had given me, I could hear her dry voice.

“The book.”

Jared put the Naissance de Demoniac in her grasp. “I know you don’t believe me, but I am sorry.”

“I believe you.” Her voice was tired. Any sign of the Kim we once knew was as nonexistent as our former life. She took the book and held it to her chest and then pulled a cell phone from her pocket. As she walked to the steps of the plane, I heard her sigh.

“Dad, I have it. We depart in ten minutes.” She clicked the phone shut.

I wiped my moist brow.

“What’s your deal?” Bex said, tapping my shoulder. “You sick? You look sick.”

“I don’t feel well.”

His eyebrows turned in, deepening the same line that gave away Jared. Bex sat in Jared’s seat and patted my hand. “You have Kim, the human demon repellant, three hybrids, and a cop/ex-special forces guy on this plane. Not to mention you’re kind of a badass yourself these days.”

“Bex,” I warned.

“Sorry. Don’t tell Mom.”

Kim boarded the plane. Her clothes were stained and wrinkled, hanging from her gaunt body. The dark circles under her once-soft brown eyes appeared like purple bruises on her ashen skin. She only carried the book in her hand and the phone in her pocket. No luggage, no carry-on. She had one mission and one mission only. Nothing else mattered.

Her eyes met mine and she froze. Ryan passed my seat and approached her. They traded glances, but no words were spoken. Ryan kissed her bony cheek, and she let her body weight lean against him. He supported her weight for a moment and then squeezed her tight before letting go. She used the seats to support her weight as she approached me.

“Hi,” she rasped.

My eyes filled with tears. Nothing I would say would be adequate. I didn’t deserve to talk to her.

Bex stood and then helped Kim into the seat he occupied. She turned to face me, and her chin lowered. “I don’t blame you.”

I pressed my lips together in a hard line. An apology seemed insulting; I could barely look her in the eye.

“I don’t,” she continued. “I just wanted you to know that . . . you know . . . in case we crash and burn in a few minutes.”

I stared at her in disbelief, and then the corners of her mouth turned up, and she winked and left.

Settling back into my seat, I took a deep, not-so-relaxing breath. The small crowd loading the plane had dissipated, and Jared made one last sweep of the plane before boarding.

“This is it,” Jared said to us all. “From the moment we depart until we land, it’s out of our hands.”

I reached out to him, and he grabbed my hand, sitting in the seat beside me. He kissed my fingers and closed his eyes. I waited for several moments, but he stayed still and silent. I turned to see Bex and Claire, eyes closed. Bex’s lips moved in prayer.

Guilt washed over me. They didn’t need to be on the plane. Ryan didn’t, either. If Hell pulled a fast one and the plane went down, we were helpless to stop it. I knew they didn’t question their presence, though, but that only made me feel worse. It was all of us or none of us, and the display of the lengths our mismatched family would go to for each other brought tears to my eyes.

Jared wiped the tear that raced down my cheek. “Ready?”

I nodded, forcing a smile. “I was born for this, right?”

“We all were.”

The engines whined, and the plane wheels began to roll. The wing lights blinked against the fuselage, casting a red glare at half the time of my heartbeat.

“Try to relax,” Jared whispered. His voice held no conviction. He knew they were just words.

We all waited for our impending death, knowing our chances plummeted the second the plane was in the air. The flight to Jerusalem was long—too long to cope with the constant fear that every jostle or noise would signal our fall from the sky.

I turned to look at my family. Claire and Ryan were in deep, quiet conversation. Bex sat next to Kim, chewing his pinky nail, and Kim stared blankly ahead. The engines whined as the wheels rolled forward. The pilot taxied on the runway, and after a short pause, the plane surged forward. The sudden acceleration of the aircraft pressed my back into the seat. I closed my eyes, trying not to feel every flaw in the runway or the wind resistance against the wings. My new abilities were exciting and at times had saved my life, but for the first time, I wished for the aptitude to turn them off.

As we raced faster and farther down the runway, I imagined the tiny wheels and how on earth at that speed the plane didn’t veer off into the grass or a building. At that point, everything that could possibly go wrong before we even got off the ground flashed through my mind. My heart pounded so hard against my chest wall that I thought I would die of a heart attack before we left Providence.

“Nina,” Jared said in smooth tone. He leaned into my ear, and his lips brushed against my skin. He pulled my arm across him and kissed my neck. I gripped his shirt, my knuckles white. I was relieved to be in the arms of my husband, but for all the wrong reasons.

“I’m afraid,” I said, stuttering.

“I know.” He gently held my jaw with both of his hands and lowered his chin. His dark blue eyes met mine. “We’re going to make it. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Don’t start making promises you can’t keep now.”

He kissed me, hard and purposeful. Once, I could have become lost in a kiss like that, but the wheels were leaving the ground, and we were now a large and easy target.

“Nina, you have to have faith.”

My eyebrows pulled together. “Someone is going to have to give me a reason. I’m all out of faith.” The plane dipped a bit before making a sharp turn.

“Look at how far we’ve come,” he said, smiling. He meant to be comforting, but I could see the fear behind his eyes.

I buried my face in the crook of his neck and squeezed him to me. My eyes shut tight, trying to push away the overwhelming feeling that we had been deceived, corralled into this deathtrap—the one place Jared couldn’t control.

The plane righted itself and then climbed effortlessly into the night sky. The lights below appeared to shrink, until they seemed like glowing clusters of fireflies. Everything else on the ground was black and ominous.

Jared was unfolding a map of the old city, sprawling it across his lap. He used his finger to trace different routes to the Sepulchre then sighed. “I wish we’d had enough time to send someone ahead to shape the battle space.”

I touched his free hand. “I don’t know what that means, but we’ll figure it out.”

He paused. “I apologize for the military jargon. I’m just in that mode at the moment.”

“I understand,” I said. The stress he suffered was nearly visible. The pressure was crushing him.

His eyes slowly fell to where my fingers touched his skin, and then closed. He took a deep, faltering breath and exhaled. “I am terrified of losing you. The routes, the possibility of a last minute change of plan, everything that could possibly go wrong has run through my mind so many times that I doubt I’ll ever forget. I love you so much, Nina. I love our child. The fear of failing you weighs so heavily on my mind. I feel as if I’m going crazy.”

I turned in my seat to face him. My eyes bore into his, filling with tears fueled by every emotion. “If I’ve ever believed in you, Jared, it’s now. Whatever happens, whatever crosses our path, I know you’ll make the right choice.” I pulled his hand to my round belly. “We both believe in you.”

“Claire has spent quite a bit of time there.” He turned and gestured at her to join them.

“We’re setting down in Ben-Gurion airport,” he said, pointing to the map.

Claire nodded. “It’s about forty-one kilometers from the center of Jerusalem. We head west here, toward Nesher, and then take this right, here, to Route 4503.”

With his finger, Jared followed the road and shook his head. “But this is a main road. Shouldn’t we try some back roads?”

Claire shrugged. “I say get there, Jared. We’re going to get the shit kicked out of us on any road we take.”

I frowned. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”

Claire raised her brows. “Nina, you should prepare yourself. Think of every war movie you’ve ever seen on TV: loud noises, yelling, guns, and things blowing up around us. We’re going to be shot at, chased, and running for our lives the second we touch the tarmac. You’re going to have to listen, stay focused, and follow orders, or we’re not going to make it. Get it?”

My head bobbled, trying to process the war zone she described.

Her eyes left mine to return to the map. “That tunnel could be a problem. We could detour here”—she pointed—“and skip across to rejoin the main road here, skipping the toll.”

“If we can just get into the Old City, we’ll be home free. The Sepulchre is just there,” Jared said. He pushed his lips back and forth with his fingers, a million decisions flipping through his mind.

They pored over the map, discussing different roads, buildings, and blind spots. Even though they were kind enough to speak in English this time, as much as half of their discussion was lost on me with phrases like Black Swan, Belay, and Schwerpunkt.

Claire shook her head. “I brought the new rifle. Ryan and I could stay behind. I could cover you.”

Jared thought for a moment but shook his head. “Too risky. What if you get trapped?”

Claire frowned. “That’s insulting.”

“It’s not just you, Claire. You have two of you to watch out for.”

“I know that, but he—”

“Claire?” Jared said.

Claire’s shoulders dropped in resignation.

“We’re not leaving anyone behind,” he continued. “We stay together.”

“Copy that.”

They spent another hour coming up with Plan B’s and C’s and Z’s. If something went wrong at this corner, we would take that alley, duck into that building, or cut across that roof. Areas of concentrated population were to be avoided at all costs, but the Sepulchre was in the center of the Old City and a popular pilgrimage destination. Our fight wouldn’t end until we were safe inside the tomb.

I shivered. How anyone could feel safe in a tomb was beyond me, but it was the one place Hell wouldn’t go. The book was proof. I turned to see Kim staring at the book in her hands.

She sensed me looking at her, and her eyes jumped up. I was immediately embarrassed, but she showed a glimpse of my friend, letting the corners of her mouth turn up. The action seemed unnatural for her, and it only lasted a moment before she was blank-faced and once again staring at the book.

Claire stood and crossed her arms. “Six hours ’til arrival. I’m going to ready the weapons.”

She didn’t get halfway down the aisle before the plane trembled and then shook. Jared looked at me and then behind him. Claire held onto the tops of two seats on each side of her.

“Probably just some choppy air,” Ryan said.

In that moment, the plane bounced violently, sending objects from the overhead bins the floor. The lights flickered, and I held my belly with one hand and gripped Jared’s arm with the other. Claire’s outline flashed by as she made her way to the cockpit.

“Is it turbulence?” I shouted. The engines whined in a way I’d never heard before, and I could feel the plane descending rapidly. The plane took another dive and then leveled out slightly. “Jared?” I cried.

“Claire will handle it,” he said, covering my hand with his.

The cabin went dark, and red emergency lights cast frightening shadows. After another dip, the emergency oxygen masks fell from above.

“Doesn’t that mean we’ve lost pressure?” I said in a panic.

Jared leaned over to look out the window, and I did the same. Blackness covered the ground below: no glowing fireflies, no tiny lines of traffic. We were over the ocean, with no hope of making an emergency landing.

The plane leaned to the left, pushing me against the window. It was then that I saw it: moonlight flickering against the waves below. We were just a few thousand feet from crashing into the water.

“Nina!” Jared said, unbuckling my seat belt. “Come with me. I’m going to open the emergency exit door, and when I tell you, we’re going to jump.”

“What?” I said. “Jump from the plane? Are you crazy?” I could see real fear in his eyes, and for the first time, I knew Jared had made a decision out of desperation.

Claire burst out of the cockpit and looked Jared, shaking her head.

Jared gripped my hand and pulled me to my feet. Before I could speak, we were at the emergency exit. Jared grabbed the lever with both hands, but I stopped him.

“We need to do this now!” he yelled.

I shook my head. “I can’t.”

“You can!”

I looked around me to the frightened faces of Bex, Kim, and Ryan, and then Claire.

“Why are you just sitting there?” she cried. “Help us, dammit!”

Jared’s arms tensed against my strength, but I refused to let him pull the handle.

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the noise. “Help us,” I whispered. “We need your help.”

17. Departure

The plane trembled like an earthquake. The engines whined, and the emergency oxygen masks leaned forward as the plane plummeted toward black water.

Claire shrieked. I was afraid to open my eyes, hesitant to see what unimaginable horror had caused her to scream. I popped one eye open and then the other. Even in the dim red light, I could easily make out Claire’s tiny arms wrapped around a large, dark figure. The lights returned to normal, and the shaking immediately stopped. The plane leveled out as the high-pitched cry of the engines quieted to a smooth, low hum.

Jared stopped trying to open the door, and he stood, moving slightly when every muscle in his body relaxed at once.

Bex hopped to his feet. “It’s about freakin’ time!” he said, slapping the top of the seat in front of him. After collecting himself, he turned to Kim.

“You okay?”

Kim’s expression remained blank. “Why?”

She winked at me, and an uncontrollable grin stretched across my face. I was beginning to see traces of my friend again.

Samuel stood at the front of the aisle, a large white smile a contrast against his black face. “I apologize. The best way to describe it is that I had to wade through some red tape.”

Claire released Samuel and playfully punched his arm.

Jared raced up the aisle and then paused. Samuel opened his arms wide, and Jared fell into his chest, hugging him as well. Samuel laughed, his voice bellowing, filling every space in the cabin. I didn’t realize that I was still tense until Ryan spoke into my ear, causing me to jump.

“He wasn’t on the plane before, was he?”

I shook my head, smiling. “Nope.”

A loud popping noise echoed when Samuel patted Jared on his back. “I can only go as far as the outskirts of Jerusalem, but I’m going to join you, if you don’t mind.”

Jared laughed once. “Not at all.”

I joined him at the front of the aisle, wrapping my arms tightly around him. I sighed. “I admit it. I was scared to death.”

Jared shook his head. “I was ready to jump from a crashing airplane with my pregnant wife. I think I win this one.”

I agreed without pause. “Touché.”

Samuel walked back and forth along the aisle for a while. We all watched him quietly, but the fear and apprehension were gone. When Samuel would pass our seats, Jared would squeeze my hand. I kept trying to use my new and crude sensitivities to recognize a dark presence, but I either wasn’t doing it right, or Samuel had given them a severe enough warning.

Before long, Jared’s breathing evened out, and then his fingers relaxed around mine.

I fell asleep soon after. A tiny baby boy in my arms, swaddled in the softest blue cotton, smiling and content in the shade under our oak tree, saturated my dreams. He smiled, his bright blue-gray eyes glimmering in the summer sun. His pinky finger was no longer than my pinky nail, and I kept kissing his hands over and over, unable to feel his skin against my lips enough times.

Time passed quickly there. Before the end of the day, he was a toddler and then grade-school age. He didn’t appear older than he was, as Bex always had. He was perfectly human and yet flawlessly beautiful like his father. By the time the shadow under the oak had faded, my son was a man, as tall and distinguished as Jared. I watched all of this in awe but a little sad at the same time. It had gone by too fast. I wanted more time with him. I wanted to start over. A strange mixture of pride and sadness surged through me, and I remembered how just a few hours ago I was pregnant with him.

The shade now a shadow, my son walked over to me and held out his hand. He looked so much like his father. “It’s time,” he said with a small smile. My smile.

“Time for what?”

“The end.”

My eyes popped open. Jared had left his seat, and I could hear him conversing with Bex and Kim somewhere in the back of the plane. I rubbed my eyes and turned to my right. Samuel sat across from me, his massive frame nearly too large for the seat.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked.

“I did, actually.”

He smiled. “I know. I was just being polite.”

“Oh, right.” I maneuvered my body out of my seat, stretching.

Jared’s eyes met mine, and he stood, moving to the side.

“Again?” Bex teased.

“Yes, Bex, I’m pregnant. When you have a full-grown infant doing a handstand on your bladder, I’ll keep track of how many bathroom breaks you take, mmk?” I waddled down the aisle, passing Ryan and Claire, who didn’t seem to notice my presence. I noticed that Ryan’s pinky was overlapping Claire’s however, and she wasn’t beating him to a bloody pulp for it. I smiled and made my way to the lavatory.

I opened the door and frowned. I felt like Winnie the Pooh trying to squeeze into the honey tree. I looked down the aisle, meeting the inquisitive eyes of my husband. “I always feel I’m going to get stuck in there.”

Jared laughed. “If you do, I’ll get you out.”

Bex held up a white bottle. “I have lotion. That should help.”

I rolled my eyes and made my first attempt to navigate the small space.

Without event—or lotion—I returned to my seat, but not without the irritating snickering of Kim and Bex.

“Shut it,” I grumbled, glaringly aware that my penguin walk only made their laughter more boisterous.

I turned my attention back to Jared. “I don’t suppose you’ve thought about the little things.”

“Such as?”

“Bathrooms? Sleeping arrangements? Privacy?”

“All luxuries that won’t be readily accessible.”

“Pardon?” I said, my eyebrows shooting up two inches. “I’m heavily pregnant, and there’s no bathroom?”

Jared shifted nervously. “Yes.”

I sighed with relief and looked to the ceiling. “Oh, thank God.”

“But . . . not like the facilities you’re used to.”

I peered over at him.

He shifted again. “It’s more like a . . . a . . . hole . . . in the ground. But there is running water below, so it’s not as bad as it sounds.”

My face screwed into disgust. “You expect me to balance this,” I said, pointing to my belly, “over a hole?”

“You have Claire and Kim to help.”

I crossed my arms and faced the wall. “Not funny.”

“It can’t be helped.”

I relaxed and covered my face. “I’m so sorry. I sound like a brat. It’s just . . .” Tears burned my eyes. “It’s not the way I imagined my pregnancy, you know. Not that I ever really imagined it, but living the last few weeks of my pregnancy in a damp, dark hole, with medieval accommodations and the birth . . .” I said with a faltering breath. “I’m scared. It’s going to be painful, and I trust you, but not being in a hospital or even having a midwife there, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it.”

Jared wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I understand that you’re worried, but Claire and I have researched it to death, talked to every medical professional we know, and brought every supply we’ll need.”

“I’m still scared,” I said. A tear fell down my cheek.

Jared rested his cheek on my hair, and his fingers pressed into my skin. “I’m going to love you through it.”

I nodded and pressed my face into his chest.

Claire tapped Jared on the shoulder. “We need to ready the weapons and check the supplies.”

Jared nodded and released me. Everyone looked to him, and he gestured to everyone. “We have a lot of gear to hike through the city. The most important packages are weapons, medical supplies, and rations. These will be carried by Claire, Bex, and me. Ryan, you’ll be extra eyes on the book, but stay close to Claire.”

Ryan nodded.

Jared continued, “Kim, stay close to Bex. If anyone gets separated, hold your position, and we’ll double back. Under no circumstances is anyone to go off alone. I don’t care if you’re in a panic or you see a better way to go. Fracturing the group puts us all at risk, so we stay together. Got it?”

Everyone agreed.

The pilot announced the beginning of our descent. Claire and Bex had already brought the supplies and weapons packs to the front, and we were prepared to scramble to the waiting vehicle.

Jared was clearly anxious, but Samuel didn’t seem fazed.

I nudged my husband. “Samuel said he would ride with us to the old city. Does that mean things will be calm until then?”

“I don’t know. We should be prepared for anything.”

I nodded and wiped my sweaty hands on my pants.

Claire and Ryan both had AK-47s slung around their shoulders, pistols in the pockets of their cargo pants, and communication devices in their ears. Claire passed two more to Bex and Jared, and they spoke quietly to each other, testing the clarity and to see if they worked correctly.

The more they rushed around to prepare to land, the more nervous I became.

Claire handed me a vest, and Jared encouraged me to put it on. I watched Claire hand the same vest to Kim, Bex, and Ryan, and I realized they were bulletproof. Mine was surprisingly light.

Jared bent down to ensure my laces were tied and secure.

“Really?” I said. “I’m not a toddler.”

“I’m just covering all the bases, sweetheart.”

Kim and Samuel sat back, barely noticing the activity around them.

“Ryan,” Claire barked. “Hand me the fifty-cal. The launcher is in pack two.”

Ryan nodded and rifled through one of the larger duffels. He handed her what looked like a heavy backpack.

As the wheels touched the runway, Claire and Ryan put on their own dark sunglasses and stood by the door, assault rifles in hand. I unfastened my seat belt, and Jared took my hand. Kim and Nina were in the middle, Bex brought up the rear, and Claire and Ryan were on point.

At the door, Samuel closed his eyes, whispered something both beautiful and menacing, and then opened the door. He walked out and stood, his arms crossed on one side of the stairs.

“It’s quite safe, I assure you,” he said, his deep voice echoing. The tarmac was empty except for our waiting Humvee. It was borrowed, light tan, and gauging by the bullet holes, had already seen action in its lifetime.

Claire took off her sunglasses and looked up at Samuel in awe. “It’s going to be like this until we get to the old city?”

“If not, I’ll take care of it, but it would be a waste for them to attack any earlier.”

Claire elbowed him in the stomach, but he didn’t flinch. “You let me get all dressed up for nothing.”

Samuel smiled. “I thought you’d be happy. The Humvee matches your clothes.”

Claire looked down at her olive green tank top and light tan cargo pants and then feigned irritation. “Not good enough.”

Samuel’s hand swallowed Claire’s small shoulder. “Once you reach Jerusalem, I promise you’ll use your fancy vest more than you’d like.”

Claire and Jared traded glances.

“Sounds like a party,” Ryan said with a grin.

18. Sepulchre

Loading the Humvee only took a few minutes, and then we were barreling down the highway, weaving in and out of traffic. Bex drove, Claire sat in the passenger seat, and the rest of us piled in the back. Jared barked directions at Bex, securing packs and loading weapons at the same time. Knowing he was in protector mode until we were all safely tucked under the Sepulchre made me miss him, but I had to let him focus. The more miles Bex put behind us, the more my fear threatened to take over.

Kim scooted closer to me and grabbed my hand.

I looked over at her sheepishly. “Are you scared?”

“I’m about to piss my pants.”

I nodded quickly, glad that I wasn’t the only one not looking forward to a battle.

Ryan was humming along to a song inside his head, tapping his fingers to the beat against his assault rifle.

“You weren’t kidding” I said.

He looked up. “What?”

“About the party.”

He smiled. “What can I say? I miss it.”

Kim laughed once, incredulous. I couldn’t even manage a reaction.

“Oh c’mon,” he said. He gestured to us. “You two get to see me in action for the first time. How many people can say their friend has gone off to war and then they get to watch him work? No civilians, I guarantee it.”

“It’s going to get bad,” I said.

He shook his head and smiled. “I’m counting on it.”

As usual, Ryan’s casual demeanor made my anger boil just below the surface. “What if something happens to you? Do you know what that means for Claire?”

“This isn’t my first rodeo, kiddo.”

Kim leaned forward. “It’s not your moment to impress her, either. This is serious. Quit screwing around and focus before you get us all killed.”

While Ryan and Kim bickered, I leaned up to look out the window. The scenery didn’t look so different: retail stores, traffic, and pedestrians. The only things that seemed foreign were the sun and palm trees. We could have been in California. I settled back against my seat. For reasons I couldn’t explain, the familiar surroundings made me feel better.

The Humvee took a sharp turn, shoving me against Kim.

“Bex?” Jared called.

“They’re shelling, but they’re keeping their distance. I’m just trying not to get boxed in.”

“Patience,” Samuel said.

Jared nodded and then fastened an extra ammo belt around him. I crawled to the closest mirror and watched as civilian cars and pickup trucks crowded the sides and back of our Humvee.

Bex swerved to the right, nudging one of the cars off the road. Claire readied her weapon.

“Just wait,” Samuel said. His voice was even, creating a strange calming effect.

I watched him for a moment. “Why can’t you stay with us until the Sepulchre?”

“So that you may rise above your struggle,” he said. “And because that was the agreement. I will keep you safe throughout the flight and trip to Jerusalem. Then you must rise above your struggle. Only then will you appreciate your plight.” He shrugged. “It is the way of the humans. It has always been the way.”

I wasn’t exactly sure what he was getting at, but I didn’t want to question him more. He wasn’t as practiced as Eli at human relations, and I had a feeling that no matter how in depth he explained it I would only be more confused.

Kim leaned into my ear. “He means he can’t just give us a get-out-of-jail-free card because it behooves our character to struggle before success. God is all about being fair and not interfering.”

“And Hell is the opposite,” I groused.

Another swerve threw me into Kim. “I’m glad you’re here.” I said, righting myself.

One side of her mouth turned up. “I’m not.”

“Plan B,” Bex said. “I’m taking the next exit!”

Samuel held up his hand. “Stay the course. Think of them as an escort.”

“Not the good kind.”

As we approached the city, the cars and trucks around us became more uniform, and it was evident that everyone around us had shelled. I peeked out of the window to see the sedan running alongside us. It contained a woman in her mid-to-late twenties. An empty car seat was in the back.

I closed my eyes. When Samuel left us, they would attack, and we would have to kill them.

“Jared?”

“Yes?” he said, albeit distracted.

“That woman over there,” I said, nodding in her direction. “She has a baby.”

Jared barely glanced at her. “Yeah?”

“We can’t kill her.”

The woman looked at me, her eyes bulging and black.

Jared drew my attention away from her, gently turning my jaw to face him. “She can’t kill you, either. We’re going to make plenty of tough decisions between now and then. Let’s not dwell on the shells. We can’t.”

I nodded, but Ryan glanced at the woman in the car and was visibly unsettled.

Jared grabbed the barrel of Ryan’s weapon and jerked it. “Everyone can shell. Everyone is a threat. The demons are counting on you to see the human and hesitate. Hesitation will get you killed. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Five minutes!” Claire called.

Everyone tensed. Bex flew through traffic, trying to leave the shells building up around us behind, but every time he gained ground, the drivers of the cars ahead shelled. The stores and houses seemed to be almost on top of each other, covering the gentle hills. Many of the buildings—especially the older ones—were made of rectangular rocks and castle-like in shape. Trees peppered the landscape, unlike the vast desert I had expected.

The sun was blindingly bright, glaring off the road and buildings. Kim squeezed my hand when we passed two statues of knights on horses, flying flags and proclaiming victory over the land. It was dizzying to think of how many how many empires had tried to own this land and how much blood had been shed for a claim to it. We were going to be fighting a numberless battle in that holy city, not to own it, but survive it.

Jared looked at me. “Stay close. Never leave my side for any reason. Keep your eyes and ears open.”

I nodded. “I love you.”

He managed a small smile and shook his head. “I love you,” he said, pulling me to him. He planted a quick kiss on my lips, and then the Humvee stopped.

“Damascus Gate less than one klick!” Claire yelled.

Jared looked to Samuel for explanation, but he was gone.

Bex turned, his face intense. “Shells coming over the hill!”

“That’s it! We’re on our own!” Jared yelled. He took the safety off his pistol and grabbed a fistful of my vest.

Claire and Ryan left the Humvee first, and Jared and I followed. The bullets were already flying, landing in the sand at my feet. We hunkered down in a small alley just inside a stone corridor until Kim and Bex joined us, and then Jared silently ordered us to move.

Claire pointed further inside the corridor. “Damascus Gate—markets and pedestrians—no good.”

Jared nodded once and then we moved out. Claire took to the street with cover fire, running at full speed to the next alley. People walking in the street would run and then suddenly stop to follow. Jared pulled me across the street, and a large man with military fatigues ran at us. Claire put a bullet in his head in less than a second. Jared didn’t bother to slow down. We jumped over the corpse and caught up.

Duck and cover seemed to be the plan of action for the next two streets. The old city was a series of narrow rock roads and corridors lined with trinkets and rugs for sale. We reached the end of one road to find ourselves at the beginning of a marketplace. Claire froze, and we stopped abruptly behind her. A hundred or so people stopped, slowly turning around. The eyes of men, women, and children were black as night and bulging from their sockets.

“Move,” Claire said, waving us back.

Jared turned on his heels, leading us to the next building and up a set of stairs. We climbed to the roof, with the mob just behind Bex and Kim. Jared took a few wide strides, and then we leapt from that roof to the next. He wanted to continue, but I refused, waiting for Kim. Once they breeched the top of the stairs, I saw hands clamoring over bodies, the shells trampling each other to get at us. Bex was focused, but Kim’s eyes bulged.

“Just hang on to him!” Claire called.

Bex, still running, hugged Kim to him, and when his feet left the roof, he cradled her to his side like a football. His landing was smooth, but Kim had to take a moment we didn’t have to get her bearings. The mob still came at us, most of them falling to the alley below when they tried to make the jump.

My hands flew to my mouth. Children were among those falling to their deaths.

We made the jump four times and then descended a set of stairs that led us to another series of corridors.

Jared hunkered down, letting Kim catch her breath. “We’re in the Christian Quarter. The Sepulchre is two klicks away. We’re going to take the western bypass and make a path. It’s a high traffic area for tourists, with high rock walls on each side, so we’re going to have to mow a path.”

“Copy that,” Ryan said, cocking his rifle.

Jared began to speak again, but a small group of young men shot at us from above. We ran again, dodging shells and bullets. Bex followed up the rear, turning and shooting as he ran. Ryan and Claire were at the front, their rifles against their faces, pointing the barrels in every direction they looked. As many times as I had tried to imagine it, we really were in the middle of a war. The sounds of the AK-47s trading shots and the bullets ricocheting off the walls and roads, just made me run faster.

Already exhausted, Kim had trouble keeping up, and Bex kept encouraging her to keep moving. We took cover behind dumpsters and parked cars every few seconds, and the noises around us paused every so often when we hunkered down, and began sounding like a familiar beat.

Claire and Ryan reloaded at nearly the same time, and then we started again. Jared dropped a clip and reloaded as we ran, and Bex did the same. At one point, Bex pulled a second pistol, turning to provide more cover fire until Jared yelled for him to keep up. He was next to Kim in less than a second.

Shells that were unarmed simply tried to grab us, but the demons were still human on the outside, and Ryan quickly learned how to incapacitate them. He would use his elbow or the butt of his gun, shooting the ones he didn’t have time for. I noticed most of his bullets landed in their kneecaps or shoulders; Ryan was hoping to give them a chance once the demons let them go.

In the court of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, a large crowd obstructed the two giant wooden doors that led inside. They stood like statues, their arms calmly at their sides, their black eyes and ashen skin confirming control by the demonic. Some of them were civilian, but most were in fatigues, holding AK-47s. The building itself was massive, much larger than I had imagined, and made of stone. I suddenly felt much better about being holed up in there for the next sixty days or so, but the high rock walls made it impossible to do anything but initiate a head-on invasion.

“Should we wait until dark?” Bex asked.

I grabbed his bloodied shoulder, pressing my palm against it. “You’re hit.”

He winked. “It’s not bad. So . . . should we wait?”

Jared shook his head. “We just need to get in there.”

Kim sighed. “But how? There are hundreds of people out there.”

Claire pulled a pin from a grenade. “Like this.” She rolled it into the crowd, and in seconds, a large explosion blew people and body parts in different directions. A huge brown cloud of smoke filled the area, and Claire and Ryan ran full speed into it.

Jared grabbed my sleeve and we followed. We didn’t get five steps before a hail of bullets rained down on us. Jared was hit several times and faltered. A bullet ripped through my arm. At first, it didn’t hurt, but the closer we got to the Sepulchre, the more the burning surged through my veins. The memory of the pain in my leg at the Japanese restaurant in Providence immediately came to the forefront of my mind. Jared flipped around and emptied his pistol into the dissipating cloud. He pushed me forward, and Claire and Ryan took me into the church.

“She’s hit!” Ryan said.

They had already cleared the main room. Ryan tied a piece of cloth around my arm while Claire took out the shells in the rest of the church and secured the entrances. Jared, Bex, and Kim came into the doors as one unit, with Kim sliding in on her knees. Bex slammed the door closed behind them and immediately covered the window.

After a few minutes and sporadic gunfire, Claire returned. “We only have a few minutes before they reorganize. The barricades won’t hold for long. We need to get underground.”

I winced as Jared tightened Ryan’s tourniquet. “I thought they couldn’t come in here.”

Jared frowned at the dark red saturating the cloth on my arm. “It’s the tomb they can’t violate. The basilica itself is fair game.”

Bex glanced back from the window. “Whatever we’re doing, let’s do it fast.”

The cloud from the grenade had cleared, revealing dozens of mutilated corpses on the ground. More shells were crowding the Sepulchre and were now climbing its walls and beating on the doors.

Jared lifted Kim off the floor. “You have the book?”

She nodded, breathing hard.

“You ready to do what you came here to do?”

“Yes, and it’s about damn time, Ryel,” she said, tightening her grip on the pack.

We retreated into the church, passing extravagant garnishes of gold, marble, and artwork. Candles lined altars with pictures of the crucifixion of Christ hanging above them. We passed a set of stairs that made Claire pause before advancing into the Sepulchre of Jesus.

“Where do they lead?” I asked.

Jared glanced at the stairs only briefly. “That would be the stairway to Calvary. Christ climbed those steps on his way to be crucified.”

We continued through a large room to another room that held a smaller room within it. You could walk around this room, but Claire advanced inside.

“Is this it?” I asked.

Jared squeezed my hand. “The Holy Sepulchre.”

We filed in and everyone dropped their packs. I was confused. The adornments around the room signaled a holy place, but all this time my mind pictured an underground cavern.

“This can’t be it. How can we protect ourselves in here?”

Claire sighed. “Not in here.” She pushed the altar to the side, revealing an ancient steep staircase. “The true tomb is hidden below. It’s hidden from the public.”

“I’m having my baby in a hole,” I said, more of a statement than a question.

Bex laughed once. “Uh . . . is there room in the inn?”

My stomach lurched and I grabbed Jared’s arm.

“Nina?” he said, immediately worried.

I grabbed my belly with both hands and groaned. “Give me a minute,” I said, panting.

Claire took a few steps down. “We don’t have a minute.”

“Let’s get her downstairs,” Bex said, checking outside the room. “They’re coming.”

Claire clicked a flashlight onto her rifle and ducked down the staircase. Ryan followed, and then Jared, Kim, and I went down next, with Bex closing the opening behind us. The stairway opened up into a stone hallway that led to a massive cavern. It was damp, dark, and drippy, just as I had imagined.

“Feeling better?” Jared asked, touching my protruding belly.

I nodded, still looking around the room. The flashlights illuminated giant stone arches lining the vast space, accessing lateral halls.

“Where do they lead?” I asked.

“Tunnels. Two hundred yards either way isn’t protected. They won’t come down here, but don’t wander.”

“I won’t.”

Kim pulled the Naissance de Demoniac from her satchel and pointed her flashlight around the room, settling on what looked like a formerly adorned altar. She walked over to it slowly. Even in the dim light, I could see her body shaking uncontrollably. Ryan and I walked behind her, watching her hold the book in front of her.

“I did it,” she said, staring at the book in awe. “We’re free.”

Ryan put his hand on Kim’s shoulder as she placed the book on the altar. She fell to her knees and we fell with her. In the next moment, the ground began to shake, and small bits of rock fell to the floor. A piercing roar echoed through the tomb, causing us all to cover our ears. It was one voice, but also many—wailing, yelling, cursing utter foulness—and then it was over. Silence.

Kim looked back at Jared, and he offered a knowing smile. She had completed her mission and freed her family of the duty of protecting the Naissance de Demoniac from a constant, powerful enemy.

“I guess I can go home now?” she said.

“You can,” Bex said. “But you’re on your own, and this place is crawling with shells.”

“We could use you here,” Jared said, “to help with the birth.”

Kim smiled at him. It was a relief to finally see the two come to terms. The air was immediately lighter between them.

“I wonder if you still have your superpower,” Ryan said.

Kim punched him in the gut, and he doubled over. “It would appear so, she said.”

“That wasn’t what I meant.” He coughed.

19. Trapped

It’s hard to keep one’s days and nights straight when underground. If it weren’t for the family full of Hybrids, I would have been alone while keeping my strange hours. Whether it was the baby or the less-than-comfortable blow-up mattress we slept on or the constant dripping in the background, it was impossible to sleep. Regardless, I took naps for one to three hours at a time, around the clock.

Ryan and Kim didn’t seem to have the same problem. Even though Ryan’s mattress was noticeably close to Claire’s, she made a point of keeping her distance now that we were all safe. As the days wore on, Ryan grew less happy about her cold demeanor, and the grumbling turned into full-blown arguments.

It was difficult—after we’d spent so much time dodging and preparing—to sit and wait. As much time as they spent planning our escape into this tomb, no one, it seemed, had planned for the suffocating time spent underground.

Jared and I tried to make the best of it: talking to my belly, spending quality time together, and discussing the birth. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Jared delivering our baby, but of all the people trapped in the tomb with us, Jared was my top pick.

After thirty days of darkness, tasteless rations, and the same close company, life in the tomb began to wear on all of us. Even Bex’s bright and cheery demeanor began to show signs of waning. Poker and gin rummy only entertained us for so long, and radio reception was hopeless in the deep Israeli rock. Stories in the evenings were something I looked forward to, and they gave me a chance to get to know everyone better.

“So that was the first time I bested Dad; although I’m pretty sure he let me win,” Bex said with a broad smile.

“I remember that,” Claire said. “He didn’t let you win. He wouldn’t stop talking about it after you went to bed.”

“Really?” Bex said, his eyes bright.

“Really.”

Bex’s smile faded. “He died four days after that.”

Everyone lowered their chins, unsure how to advance the conversation.

Jared finally spoke. “That must’ve been hard on you, Bex. I don’t think I ever asked you if you were okay.”

Bex shrugged. “I was, I guess. What else could I be?”

“In pain,” Claire said. “We were all so wrapped up in our own grief we didn’t even try to help you through it.”

“I missed him. And then . . . I missed you guys. I was glad when Jared brought Nina around. The family kind of came back together, then. Now we have Ryan.”

“We don’t have Ryan,” Claire said.

Ryan shot her a dirty look and then softened his features for Bex. “Yes you do, man. I’m here if you need me.”

Claire rolled her eyes. “What would he need you for? To help with a school bully?”

“To talk to,” Ryan said. “You know . . . what we used to do before you became so hateful and mean.”

Claire crossed her arms over her knees. “You don’t give me a choice,” she mumbled.

“What?”

Ryan’s acerbic tone lit Claire’s eyes. “You don’t give me a choice!”

“C’mon, guys,” I said. It was far too claustrophobic, even in the large cavern, for anyone to fight.

Ryan stood. “What kinda choice would you like? The one that includes you stalking me all day without us talking? Or the one where we get along?”

“We can get along without you trying to land the unattainable blonde!”

Ryan’s mouth fell open. “Is that what you think I’m trying to do?”

Claire stood, meeting his glare. “Just back off.”

Ryan took a step forward. “I love you. I love you, and you act as though I’m some random frat boy trying to get lucky.”

Jared sighed. “I should have packed ear plugs. I have nowhere to go.”

“You just . . . .” Claire trailed off.

I knew she must care about him. She had bit her tongue to keep from hurting his feelings, which Claire never did.

Ryan took another step. He was only a few inches from her face. “Say it.”

“I’ve told you a million times! It’s not going to happen.”

He shook his head. “No, say you don’t love me. Say you don’t see me in that way and that I’m just a helpless human to you. Say you hate me! Say something! I’m tired of your vague excuses!”

“I don’t need excuses!” she yelled. “I don’t want that!” She pointed to us. “I don’t want a family like the one I had or they have! You want children! You want a normal life, Ryan. I’m not it!”

“I just want you! Whatever that is, I want it!”

Claire frowned. Her body shook with anger. She grabbed his collar with both fists. Ryan leaned away slightly and winced, waiting for her to land a punch on his face. Claire’s lips pursed together, and then she pulled him to her, pressing her lips against his, hard.

“Agh,” Jared said, turning.

Ryan paused in shock, and then his body melted against hers. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, and she wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck. The kiss was so intense that it looked nearly painful.

Bex giggled, but they didn’t hear him. After a minute or two, it was uncomfortable to watch, so we all meandered to the other side of the cavern and sat down. Jared seemed to be in a foul mood, which bothered me. Why he was so against Claire and Ryan was a mystery to me. They were perfect for each other and clearly loved each other.

“I wonder if that will happen for me,” Bex said, glancing back.

“Don’t look. No telling what’s going on back there,” Jared said, picking up a rock and throwing it.

“It might,” I said, smiling. “Don’t listen to Jared. He knows I’m the best thing that ever happened to him.”

Jared grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Of course you are. Why would you believe I’ve thought otherwise?”

I shrugged. “You’re so against them”—I gestured behind us—“as my mother was so against us because it makes things hard.”

Jared pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around my knees. “I just don’t like Ryan. It has nothing to do with you or us.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why don’t you like him?”

Jared shifted nervously. “Ryan is the closest I’ve come to losing the love of my life. That’s not something you get over.”

I touched his face. “I love you. Ryan loves Claire. Get over it.”

Jared laughed once and looked to Bex. “I hope it happens for you. I really do.”

Bex rolled his eyes and stood, walking to the back of the tomb where the altar held the book. Kim spent a lot of time in that area and even slept there. Bex sat next to her, and their voices became a stream of quiet conversation.

I balanced on all fours, trying to navigate my large body to a standing position. Just as I pushed myself from the rock floor, my stomach clenched, and I stumbled. Jared caught me, but I couldn’t stand straight up.

“Contraction?” he said, frowning.

“I don’t . . . I don’t know,” I said, breathing through the pain.

Bex and Claire were immediately at our side, with Kim and Ryan trailing behind.

“The baby?” Bex said. “Should I set up?”

“No,” Jared said. Let’s let her rest. See if it eases up.”

Claire nodded and assisted Jared in helping me to our makeshift bed. My feet up and relaxed, I tried to think about something else other than whether that pain would return. Labor was going to be a nightmare if I had to look forward to hours of that. I had hoped that my new abilities would anesthetize the pain a bit, but if the previous encounter with contractions had been any indication, I was screwed.

The pain crept up again like a wave swallowing me whole.

“Breathe, sweetheart.”

I sucked in through my nose and blew out from my mouth, but it didn’t help the pain. A large fist had gripped my uterus and was digging in its fingers while I suffered the worst case of food poisoning ever recorded—that’s what it felt like.

“Should we set up?” Bex said again.

“No,” Jared said firmly. “We’re just timing them now.”

We waited several minutes, and then I felt another contraction, but it wasn’t nearly as painful. They became less frequent and less painful before stopping altogether. Everyone in the room breathed a collective sigh of relief when Jared deemed the event a false alarm. He wouldn’t allow me to sit up, though, or even leave the bed after that. He or Claire would walk me to the hole in the floor if I needed to relieve myself. It was half-humiliating, half-frightening. My body hadn’t felt like my own for quite a while, but now there was no control over the situation.

We had no idea what went on in the world aboveground. I wondered what Beth and Chad were doing, if they worried about us, and about Cynthia and Lillian, if they leaned on each other for support, waiting to hear if their grandchild had been born and that all of their children were alive. Even though I knew I needed to stay positive in those last difficult days, lying bed with nothing to do but read the same magazines or think, my mind effortlessly traveled to less trivial things.

Checkers and chess were no longer entertaining. Even watching the others play cards irritated me. We were nearing the end of July, and I was so large I could barely maneuver. I had to let my mind wander to get away from the darkness of the tomb, from the fact that we were living in a tomb at all, and the dripping. For the love of all things holy, the sound of the dripping alone nearly pushed me out of my mind.

I closed my eyes and pretended I was at Brown on the main green, lying with Jared while the summer air weaved through the trees. I blocked out the echoing and murmuring inside the tomb and replaced it with laughing and the jovial sounds of flag football on warm days and the wonderful smells wafting from the Gate. Even my dorm room at Andrews was an escape. Mostly, I concentrated on our oak tree and the loft. I still mourned our first home, but in my mind, it was untouched. Recalling every memory of every place I’d spent with Jared was the only thing that kept me sane at that point—that and watching Claire and Ryan fall in love. Their sweet conversations and the way they reveled in every moment with each other kept me away from the darkness.

As the first of August came and went, my memories became harder to enjoy. They just mocked me. Us. Our faces had all grown pale, begging to see the sun again. Not even the promise of safety was worth this. Quiet times with Jared were something I had always wanted, but not in this prison, not in this tomb, where I already felt dead.

A small twinge in my belly made me hold my breath. It went away, but soon another came and then another. They were stronger, and the more I hoped they would go away, the quicker and more intense they came.

I tried to breathe, but the air was so stale. When I tried to concentrate on my breathing through the pain, all I could hear was the water dripping. Always dripping. It was maddening. I was in labor and going to give birth inside a drippy, cold hole in the ground.

“No,” I whispered.

Jared read a book a few feet from the mattress, noticeably waiting for me to tell him I was uncomfortable. I didn’t want to say it. Speaking the words made it real. There would be movement towards the supplies and the unpacking of all the medical paraphernalia I didn’t want to see.

Before another contraction came, I pushed myself out of bed. “I have to get out of here.”

Jared put down his worn copy of The Catcher in the Rye and turned to face me. When he saw I was standing, he stood, too. “Nina, you have to lie down.”

“I can’t.” I shook my head. “It’s enough, Jared. I can’t stay here, anymore. We need to find somewhere else.”

“There is nowhere else.”

I bent my knees and awkwardly bent over to pick up a few of my things lying around the bed. “Well, we can’t stay here. I can’t . . . I can’t have my baby here.”

Jared sighed. “Nina, stop. You’re being irrational.”

“Okay, so I’m irrational. But I’m going to be irrational outside, where I can breathe.”

Jared tried to touch my hand, but I pulled away. “You know you can’t,” he said.

“I can and I’m going.”

Ryan crossed his arms. “Then go.”

“What?” Jared seethed.

“She’s stronger than all of us. If she doesn’t want to stay, we can’t make her.”

“See?” I said to Jared, pointing to Ryan. “He listens to me. You’re not listening!”

“Sweetheart,” Jared said, holding his hands in front of him. “You know what’s waiting up there for us. We’ll be attacked the second we breach the stairs.”

“Just for a minute,” I said, trying to nonchalantly slide by him. I grabbed my belly and hunched over a bit, trying to casually weather another contraction.

Ryan touched Jared’s arm. “Jared, we got through an entire city of shells. If she wants to breathe some fresh air after nearly sixty days in a cave, I say let her.”

“You don’t have a say, so shut up,” Jared said through his teeth.

“I don’t either?” I said. I hobbled toward the entrance slowly, but Jared matched every step.

“Of course you do,” he said. “Just . . . just let me think for a minute.”

I closed my eyes tightly. They twitched every time the drops of water slid from the rock wall to the ground. “That’s the problem. I can’t think in here. I can’t breathe. I can’t sleep. I feel like I’m dying!”

“Jared,” Ryan began.

“Shut the hell up!”

“Maybe we all need some fresh air,” Bex said.

With wide eyes, both Jared and Claire craned their necks at their little brother.

Jared’s jaws worked under his skin, and he struggled to relax enough to speak to me in a calm voice. “Nina, for all we know the devil is up there. They will stop at nothing now.”

Ryan shrugged. “Sometimes you gotta dance with the devil to get out of Hell.”

The further we got to the entrance, the darker it became. Bex had set up twin-head industrial light stands around the perimeter, so bright that at first, when they were all lit, it felt like day. Now the shadows they cast were just another reminder of our prison.

I moved quickly to the doorway, and Claire grabbed my wrist. “Maybe we should sedate her?”

I yanked my arm back, easily shouldering past her. “You’re not keeping me here against my will! I know I sound crazy! I feel crazy! This place is making me crazy! I don’t want to leave forever. I just . . . I just want a couple of minutes of sunshine, just a moment to feel alive again.”

Ryan appeared in front of me, holding up his hands. “Whoa, buddy. You’re getting yourself all worked up,” he said. He spoke through nervous laughter, trying to lighten the mood. “You need to take a minute to think about this. No one is making you stay, but maybe if you think about this a little more, you’ll reconsider.”

Jared looked to me with hope in his eyes.

“I thought you were on my side,” I said.

“I am, Nigh. I’ve always been on your side.”

“No one’s on my side. No one hears me.”

Ryan relaxed a bit. “Just try to clear your head and think about it. You’re not a prisoner here. You’re here to keep the baby safe until it’s born.”

I nodded. “Okay, I’ve thought about it. I can’t stand it anymore. Who wants to have their baby in a tomb? Not me. This was a bad idea. I just need to go. I have to go.”

I made my way to the entrance that led to the stairs, but Jared stood in my way, his fingers digging into my shoulders. “I can’t let you go, sweetheart. If you go upstairs, they’ll kill you.”

“But we . . . you . . . you need to get me out of here, okay? I don’t want to be here anymore.”

Jared nodded; his voice was low and calm. “I understand. As soon as the baby comes, we’ll leave. I promise.”

I shook my head, the tears cascading down my cheeks. I took a step back. “No. No, I don’t want to have the baby here. I can’t stay here another night. Not another second.”

“That’s a prize-winning freak-out, right there,” Kim said without emotion.

Jared grimaced. “You’re not helping, Kim. Listen,” he said, returning his attention to me.

My body shook. I was in control of nothing, not my body, not where I slept. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone or take a walk. It was too much. Too much.

“You can’t make me stay here. I can leave when I want.”

“You’re right. You can leave when you want, but I want you to stay. The second you’re aboveground, Nina, you’ll regret your choice. Just . . . trust me? Please? Just a little bit longer. Can you stay with me a little bit longer?”

Tiny twin rivers dripped from my jaw onto my dirty shirt. I closed my eyes, but all I could hear was the dripping. The damn dripping. It wouldn’t stop.

“No,” I whispered. I ran for the door, and Claire and Jared grabbed my arms. With my full strength, I took one step after another, slowly but surely making my way to the doorway.

Claire grunted against my strength. “Nina, stop!”

Bex joined his siblings, grabbing both of my ankles and wrapping his feet around them. I could have broken free, but I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt any of them. I just needed to be aboveground, to breathe fresh air and feel the sun on my skin, to hear my voice—just one time—without an echo behind it.

“Nina, look at me! Look at me!” Jared said, positioning his face in front of mine. “You have to stop. You’re going to get yourself killed, and the baby will die. Do you hear me? We’ll all die!”

I stopped struggling, and my body went limp as I sobbed on the ground against my husband. My focus on survival, irrational or not, had become a monster.

Claire and Bex took a step back with labored breath. I’d given all three of them a run for their money.

Jared stood and pulled me with him. “Okay?”

I nodded, watching him walk into the tomb. “I’m sorry.”

20. Legion

I bolted for the top of the stairs, shoving the altar out of the way. I crawled out of the hole, squinting against the bright sunlight filtering in through the rotunda.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting the warm, fresh air fill my lungs. I bathed in it, taking in every bit before Jared dragged me back underground. After a few seconds, the warm air went away, and the cold, dark feeling of the tomb surrounded me. Jared had barely let me take an entire breath before he’d forced me to return.

I opened my eyes and realized I was still in the Sepulchre. The room was full of shells, poised to pounce. I could hear Jared crawling up the stairs, yelling my name, but immediately I was attacked. I fought off one and then two and three at a time. By the time Jared reached the top, I had already taken out half the shells in a fury of moves I didn’t even have to think about. A small woman threw herself at me, her arms flailing about. Jared incapacitated her with a single blow. Claire and Ryan reached the top, quickly followed by Bex, and the mob inside the Sepulchre quickly thinned. More filed in, though, and we were running out of room.

“Back up!” Jared commanded. “Back downstairs!”

The walls shook, and two large, dark forms squeezed their misshapen bodies into the entrance of the Sepulchre. They weren’t shells, but demons, large demons with gray skin and mouths full of teeth under moist snouts.

The one on the right grabbed Jared while the other took my shirt in one hand and slammed my back against the opposite wall.

“Hey!” Kim yelled from the mouth of the stairway. “Get the hell out of here!” Even though the monsters stood two heads taller than she did, she didn’t seem nervous in the slightest. The demons wailed at her, shielding themselves with their shoulders, but they didn’t retreat.

The demon that Jared fought barked at the black-eyed minions filing into the room, and before anyone could react, a half dozen of the shells dove at Kim, pushing her down the stairway. Her scream faded as she rolled further underground.

Bex leapt in after her, and Claire and Ryan went to work on Jared’s demon.

I tried to rip my shirt to escape the grip of the brute, but his hands were gigantic, and I couldn’t break free. A shell in military fatigues slipped into the room, walked to me without hesitation, and held a pistol to my temple.

The demon holding me signaled his partner, capturing Jared’s, Claire’s, and Ryan’s attention as well. In a move so fast I could barely follow, Jared pulled his sidearm from his belt and held it on the shell. The entire room froze.

“Don’t. Move,” Jared said.

I nodded. I was sure he was furious with me. His eyes glossed over and his teeth clenched as a deep line formed between his brows.

The shell spoke. “We’re taking her out of this place. Do not follow, or we’ll cut the child from her in the street.”

Jared held his gun on the shell, his entire body shaking with rage. Finally he lowered his weapon but just a few inches. “I love you,” he said. He immediately tensed his arms again, aiming his gun at my captor.

I smiled. “It’s okay. You’ll just save me like you always do, right?”

“Right. Just  . . . wait for me.”

“I’ll wait for you,” I said.

Hesitant and clearly conflicted, Jared lowered his weapon. In the next moment, I was dragged backward with such force I felt I was flying. The rooms of the Sepulchre flew past, and then I was in the sunlight. The streets blurred as the demon raced me through the old city. A few minutes later I was dragged into an old building by the back of my dress.

The fiend tossed me, and I skidded to the middle of a room. At first glance, the room was a filthy mess, and then I realized the pile of sheets was a provisional bed. No medical supplies or baby blankets.

“What will you do to him?” I asked, hesitant to make eye contact with the rotting pile of flesh standing at the door.

“He waits to devour him,” the demon said, clear mucus glistening from his snout. The creature had the hind legs of a horse, but he stood upright, his dark arms crossed in from of him. He didn’t make eye contact with me, and I was glad, because his red, veiny eyes were the most frightening thing I had ever seen.

I groaned. Pain seared through my body, and I knew I would have to calm down if I were to slow down the contractions. The more time I gave Jared to reach us, the better chance we had. I climbed onto the tufts of sheets and leaned back on the heels of my hands.

A shell, a large woman, was allowed entry. I braced myself to be attacked, but she grabbed a fistful of my sweat-drenched hair, lifted me to my feet, and then reached up my dress and ripped off my panties with her free hand. I raised my hands to defend myself, but she only grabbed my wrists and tied them with cloth restraints attached to wires. Those thick wires were fastened to the cement floor with bolts. Once she completed her task, the woman left me alone with the demon.

Dirty windows lined the wall to my left. The outlines of dozens of shells cast shadows against the muddy glass. I wondered if I could take the giant standing guard at the door, but I knew that Jared and Claire had trouble with him, and I hadn’t exactly trained how to ignore labor pains while on the offensive. I subtly tested the bolts. They seemed fairly secure, but I was sure I could break free when the time came. The one exit would pose a problem; I didn’t know what else waited on the other side. I could probably break through the window, but once again, the contractions . . . . I tensed, trying to breathe through the pain. “Oh . . . my God!” I grunted. Deep breaths turned into panting. Sweat dripped from my hairline into my eyes. Just when I thought I might break in half, the contraction subsided. I let my body relax against an old cushion propped against the wall.

“May I have some water?” I asked.

The demon’s beady eyes shifted toward me. He snarled and then looked ahead.

The cramping and pressure grew more intense with the next few contractions, and then I felt a warm gush between my legs. When I looked down at the clear liquid that had drenched the sheets, I realized my water had broken. A short relief of pressure came, quickly followed by a spasm so intense that I nearly passed out.

I wailed and moved back against the wall. Nothing I did escaped the agony. “Please,” I whimpered between breaths, “help me.” Another wave washed over me; my blood-curdling screams echoed throughout the building. The panting didn’t help; nothing helped. My hands balled into fists, shaking and white-knuckled.

When the agony paused for a minute or two, I let my body fall limp against the cushion. Already exhausted, I knew unless Jared saved us my abilities would be worthless.

The intensity of the next contraction took me by surprise, and I sat up straight, my knees bent and widely spread, straining against my restraints. Unsure of what I was even saying, my mouth formed every obscenity I’d ever heard in my life. When it was over, I collapsed against the cushion, bawling, whimpering for my husband. Pressure between my thighs provoked me to reach down. Something soft and wet, covered in hair was barely peeking out from inside me. The baby was beginning to crown. I looked to the demon. He didn’t even seem to be on alert. Jared wasn’t even close.

I closed my eyes, making a concentrated effort to relax all of my muscles. Even when the pain came again, I refused to give into it. I refused to push. When the agony became too much, I held my screams inside. Any tensing on my part could push out the baby, and that was something I refused to do until I saw my husband. The waved crashed into me, and I lowered my chin to my chest, bit my lip, and stared intently at the wall across the room. I would not push.

My body shook uncontrollably. Just as the pain subsided, movement outside the windows caught my attention. The guard at the door made a noise and shifted. He was nervous. Jared was here.

The shadows of the shells weaved back and forth. There was a large explosion, and then a blotch of crimson sprayed against the mud on the glass, highlighted by a ball of fire. The glass broke, and my husband pushed through, his eyes wild but focused. He immediately attacked the guard at the door, filling the creature’s head with an entire clip of bullets. Once the demon fell to the ground, Kim ran into the glass opening. She made her way to the door and closed it, holding her palms flat against the metal.

“I got it!” she said. She was covered in blood and noticeably injured.

“Are you okay?” I called to her.

She smiled. “Never been better. You just worry about delivering that ba—”

Before she could finish her sentence, a shell burst through the broken glass and pointed his gun at Kim. She turned, her eyes wide.

“No!” I screamed.

Jared charged the shell, but was too late. The bullet burst through Kim’s chest, blowing her back against the door.

“Kim!” I cried, watching her limp body slide down the door to the ground. Her eyes were open, but she was dead before she hit the floor. “Kim!”

“Nina!” Jared yelled, running to me. He slid on his knees, released me from the restraints, and then slipped his backpack from his shoulders, opening it and pulling out supplies.

Before I could speak, the overwhelming spasms engulfed me. I wailed, but I wouldn’t push.

Jared checked between my legs, and his eyes grew wide. “He’s crowning, sweetheart. Push.”

I shook my head. “She’s dead.”

“I know, but you have to push.”

“I can’t,” I said. Pieces of my hair were stuck to my damp face.

Jared smiled. “Yes, you can. You’ve done so well.”

I peeked at Kim. “They’re out there. Waiting for him.”

Jared touched my cheek. “I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to him.”

“They abandoned us,” I cried.

“Who?” Jared said, laying out sterile cloths.

“Heaven! Where are they? Where is Samuel?” The pain came again. I grunted, fighting against the overpowering urge to bear down.

“Nina, push!” Jared said.

“They’ll kill him!”

Jared grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Look at me,” he said, watching me as I panted. “I won’t let that happen. We will protect him. Together.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You can and you will. Now, push!”

I nodded and pushed myself up on the heels of my hands. When the contraction came, I pushed through it. My voice was low and gruff, and I grunted, using all of my remaining strength.

Claire and Bex jumped through the glass opening and paused, seeing Kim’s body sitting still against the door. They walked over to her. Claire gently shut her eyes, and then she rushed over to me. She got on her knees behind me and hooked her elbows under my arms.

I stared at Kim, but Claire used her cheek to bar my line of sight. “Don’t look, honey.”

I wailed, mourning for my friend. Claire hugged me tightly. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she said.

Ryan leaned against the opposite wall, his rifle in hand, tears drawing clean lines down his dirty face.

“Could you grab a cloth and wipe her forehead?” Claire said. Ryan didn’t hesitate, digging through the pack and then patting down my brow. He combed back my wet hair with his fingers and then kissed my cheek. “You’re doing good, Nigh. Hang in there.”

I began to speak, but the urge to push came again, so I heaved. I pushed so hard that my body trembled. Yelling seemed to help, so I did. I yelled and screamed and cried out. I cried for Kim, for the pain, and for the fear of what would happen once Bean was vulnerable.

Jared held open my shaking knees. “You’re almost there, Nina.”

Just as he said the words, the baby seemed to spill out of me and into Jared’s arms.

He laughed out loud, in shock, holding his blood-covered child in his arms.

Claire helped me to relax back against the cushion, and then she assisted Jared in cleaning off the infant and cutting the cord.

Bex pushed his back against the door. “We’ve got some nasty ones on the way! They’re boiling up straight from Hell!”

Ryan gripped his rifle and Claire stood. “Oh my God,” she whispered. “They’ve sent an entire legion.”

21. Mother

There is a distinct difference between the ability to create life and the innate need to protect it, to cherish it. Appreciating that this life is the one being you love most in the universe becomes a duty, and as a direct result, one must neglect all else to preserve it.

The mother who throws herself in front of an oncoming car, the mother who eats a can of generic peaches when the last bit of food isn’t enough to share, the mother who wears a ratty dress to work so that she can keep much-needed shoes on those tiny, precious feet . . . that is the distinction of a mother’s love: self-sacrifice.

The moment I heard the cries of the tiny, gooey baby in Jared’s arms, nothing else mattered. Not even me.

“Is he okay?” I asked.

“Uh . . . yeah, she’s okay.”

“She?” I said, stunned. I had prepared myself for almost everything that could happen when I delivered. A girl was not one of them.

“It’s a girl?” Claire squealed.

“It’s a girl?” Bex groaned.

Jared wrapped her in a clean blanket and carefully lifted the tiny bundle to look into her eyes. He had no expression except for the smallest hint of a smile. His eyes focused on me, and he then put her in my arms as if he were passing on the most fragile, priceless, precious treasure in existence.

I nestled her in the crook of my arm, and until that moment, the times I thought I had sacrificed seemed trivial. Everything and everyone in my life was less important, less urgent. My life was simply an extension of the tiny, soft, innocent wonderment before me. I knew how millions of other women before me could behave so erratic, be so forgiving and so courageous. My heart was no longer on the inside of my body. It was in my arms.

“Jared?” Bex said. With one hand, he held the door closed. With other, he gently slid Kim’s lifeless body away from the door and against the wall.

A loud bang vibrated the wall, and Bex flew back, skidding across the floor. The door blew open, and creatures filed in, immediately attacking. A foul odor filled the room, and I held my baby close to me. Jared stayed close, violently fending off any demons that dared get close enough to his family.

Every window on the opposite wall from the door exploded. Jared covered us with his body to shield us from flying glass. When the dust cleared, Samuel stepped into the room, standing next to a familiar face in full armor.

“Michael,” Jared said, stunned. It was Isaac’s father, his entire army of warrior angels behind him.

The demons snarled and shrieked.

“You shall not touch this child,” Michael said, drawing a long sword.

“Come!” Samuel challenged, raising his arms. “We welcome Hell’s most terrible wrath!”

The demon that had taken me from the Sepulchre lifted his head and bleated and then led a charge into the street.

Bex and Claire stood to the side, watching hundreds of demons surge past them, casting off wind like a freight train barreling through the room. The clash outside between Heaven and Hell was audible, like nothing I’d ever heard before, and then at once, it was silent, crossing planes.

Jared grabbed each side of my face with a broad smile. “We did it, Nina! Heaven will protect her!”

I sighed with relief and hugged my daughter to my chest. The quiet we shared was frozen in time. The end of the war around us was instantaneous. Bex, Ryan, Claire, and Jared all looked in wonder at my little girl. She lay still, peering around with her big, round, cloudy eyes, blinking at the bright light.

Jared kneeled before me, still breathing hard, his face red and marked with shades of blood and dirt from his fight to reach us. Ryan and Claire crowded around us, their worried expressions softened by the sight of the child wrapped in my arms.

“You’re amazing,” Jared said. His voice cracked an infinitesimal amount as he spoke, but I couldn’t look away to see his expression. The little girl in my arms was breathtaking.

Claire took a few silent steps until she was next to me. She rubbed her palm on her jeans and then reached out her small hand, extending her index finger to touch the baby’s pinky. “She’s . . . here,” she whispered, in awe.

“You did it,” Ryan said with a half-smile.

Jared crawled to the opposite side of Claire, tenderly putting one arm behind my neck, the other touching his daughter’s cheek with his thumb. He kissed my hair and leaned in to whisper in my ear. “I didn’t think I could love you more than I already do.”

I looked into his eyes and smiled. “You did it, Jared. You saved us.”

Jared’s blue-gray eyes glossed over, and he pulled me closer, the three of us in a tender embrace.

After a few quiet moments, Jared’s arms tensed, and he looked to the doorway. Claire flipped around, her hands balled into fists at her side. Bex stood in front of my makeshift bed, crouched in a defensive stance.

Ryan quickly cocked his gun and aimed at the door, ready for whatever the Hybrids were bracing for. “What now?” he said, his eyes focused at the same point as the others.

Claire shoved Ryan against the wall and then pointed at him. “Stay there,” she said firmly. “Don’t. Move.”

Ryan lowered his weapon and waited.

The door opened slowly, and a man in a white suit walked, slowly and lithely, through the threshold. His hair was shiny and black, his eyes deep-set and calm. He was beautiful and grotesque at the same time; a baby-faced supermodel with eons of hate and bitterness flowing through his veins.

Bex took a step, but Claire held out her hand and flattened it against his chest, restraining him. “Stand next to Ryan.”

“But . . .” Bex protested.

“Do it!” she growled. I’d never heard her take that tone with her little brother.

The man’s eyes darted to the youngest Ryel sibling, his head unmoving. It was unnatural, frightening. Bex slowly walked to the wall, wary of the pair of eyes that studied his every move.

I pulled my infant daughter closer to me, turning slightly so that my shoulder was in a position to protect her. I didn’t notice the movement until I realized it had drawn the man’s attention back to us.

“Desecration,” the man said. His was more of a hiss than a voice. “Even more than your father.”

“Do not speak to her,” Jared said, his tone low and terrifying.

Ryan looked to Claire. He was confused and worried, but he didn’t move.

The man took another step.

Jared stood and lifted his hand, pointing at the black-haired man. “She belongs to Him. You can’t touch her. You may kill us all, but He’s commanded that she live.”

The man took in a deep breath through his nose, his eyes rolling back into his head. His lids shuttered and then popped open, focusing on the baby. When he spoke, his voice was many—distant and loud simultaneously. “You may have noticed I quite enjoy doing things He forbids.”

“Should I shoot?” Ryan whispered out of the corner of his mouth.

“No,” Claire said, her voice strained. “Don’t move.”

Ryan frowned, clearly unsettled. “What is it?”

“The Devil,” Bex said.

The man’s pupils bled into the whites of his eyes, the darkness inside them glistening from the light of the fire outside. He took another step.

A large vein bulged from his pasty forehead as his calculating eyes targeted my daughter.

Jared didn’t wait for him to take another step. He charged, stopping abruptly when the Devil grabbed him by the throat. Claire immediately reacted, attacking him with astounding speed. Her small body flew against the wall, and Ryan reacted.

She held up hand. “Don’t,” she said, standing.

Jared managed to pull free, and then he attacked him again with a series of punches. They traded blows, and suddenly Jared was struck to the ground. Claire rushed Satan again, but she was blown back, this time held by an unseen force high against the wall. She screamed in agony as dozens of deep, bloody gashes formed across her face, neck and body. Blood oozed from her wounds and down the front of her clothes, dripping from her shoes onto the floor beneath her.

“No!” Ryan yelled, raising his weapon.

Bex reluctantly stopped him.

Ryan grabbed Bex’s collar. “Help her!”

Jared crawled on all fours and then attacked the King of Hell again. He groaned and grunted with each heavy blow Satan dealt him, and soon he was overpowered and thrown to the floor. The man in white jerked his hand, commanding Jared’s body against the wall under Claire. Her blood flowed from her wounds and dripped in a steady stream onto her brother’s shoulder.

Claire closed her eyes, her lids fluttering. “Help us,” she whispered. “Don’t you see? Help us,” she begged.

The Devil took another step. He was just a few feet from my makeshift bed. I held my daughter’s tiny head in the crook of my neck and touched my lips to her white, wispy hair. She smelled like her father, but softer and purer. I looked up at her assassin from under my brow, terrified and hopeless, cowering in his presence.

Jared took off once again, his form obscured by the speed. They crashed together, and with barely visible movements, they blurred from one space in the room to the other, stopping momentarily, and then moving again. Soon they were back where they started, and Jared was on the floor, his blood spilling from his wounds.

Satan leaned in slowly, relishing my terror.

“Help her,” Claire begged in a tiny whisper.

Ryan moved toward me with desperation on his face, but Bex grabbed his shoulder. “Let me go!” he said, struggling. Bex wrapped both of his arms around my friend, forbidding him to step in.

Bex and Ryan were going to watch us all die. If Bex could somehow escape with Ryan, Claire could be saved, but that would leave my child vulnerable. A million thoughts ran through my head, hopes that even if I were killed Jared would survive long enough to get our baby to safety.

In that moment, anger replaced my fear. I remembered Eli’s words, and courage I never knew I owned swelled inside of me. “You can’t have her,” I seethed, lifting my chin in defiance. “I am not afraid of you.” My eyes filled with angry tears.

He smiled. “And what will you do?” he said, looking over to Kim’s lifeless body. In one blurry moment, she was in his arms. He cradled her, looking almost paternal as he brushed her cheek with his blackened fingers. He scanned her face with a somber expression, and then leaned down to smell her hair. “She had a heartbeat not an hour ago. Dreams. Aspirations. And now,” he said, tossing her limp body across the room with one hand, “nothing.”

I closed my eyes, unwilling to let fear rob me of rational thinking. Before I was a mother, I might have run from the room, but I had carried her inside of me for the better part of year, and I had survived Hell before. Something in me whispered that my child was safe in my arms. I would have faith in what Eli had told me, and I would stand my ground. Nothing was stronger than a mother’s love for her child . . . not even Satan.

Claire dropped to the floor, and Ryan rushed over to her. Jared attempted to get to his feet but instead resorted to crawling toward me. Jared made his way to his family and then slowly stood on his knees, weaving with exhaustion. Once again, he was all that stood between us and death.

Satan took Jared’s throat in his hand and lifted him off the ground. Jared gripped the man’s arm with both hands as his feet dangled above the floor. Moving his arm to the side, Satan held Jared in the best position to watch the end.

Long, blackened fingers reached for the child. Without thinking, I pulled her to the other side of my body and, with my free hand, gripped the Devil’s wrist. It was cold and thin. My skin blazed against it.

“Don’t. Touch. Her,” I said.

He frowned, noticeably confused. He tried to advance his hand to my child, but he was unable to move.

“That’s far enough, Lucifer,” Samuel said. As usual, he had blinked into our plane without detection, but this time Eli was with him.

“What is this?” Lucifer said, struggling to reach the child. He was clearly straining, but he was powerless in my grasp.

Eli smiled. “Daddy says no.”

Lucifer wrenched his hand back, his eyes wild with anger. “He’s allowing this . . . this human to defy me?” he howled, dropping Jared to the ground. “Do you know what this means?”

“War?” Samuel grinned. “Too late.”

Satan began to speak, but Eli held up his hand. “Enough, Lucifer, it’s over. He has chosen to spare the child.”

Lucifer charged at us, his arms extended, his fingers curled, preparing to kill the baby angel in my arms. Just before he reached us, he was blown back and held against the wall. Large, long fingers curled around his neck. Lucifer’s eyes widened. The Prince of Darkness was afraid.

“Gabriel?” Lucifer said, surprised.

“He said enough,” Gabriel snarled. “Go back to your pits, Satan. He will not ask it of you again.”

“Dad!” Bex said, his hopeful and excited expression matching Claire’s.

A figure stepped into the room from outside, through the broken remains of the windows. It was Michael, battle worn but victorious. “Enough.”

Samuel stood beside Michael, crossing his arms; Eli stood before the warriors. His immaculate white shirt was a stark contrast to their heavy armor. Another form stepped over the broken glass and into the room and then another. Soon twenty members of Michael’s army were among us.

“The time of great suffering has come,” Lucifer seethed. He stepped to the side, away from Gabriel’s grip.

Eli lowered his chin. “You will leave this family alone. Hell will leave Gabriel’s children and their children’s children alone. He has commanded it,” he said firmly. “The child has found favor with God.”

“It is not human!” Lucifer hissed.

Gabriel took a step, his hands balled into fists at his sides. “She is my granddaughter.” His voice boomed, but he did not yell. “I swear to the Most High your punishment will have you wishing for the pits of Hell if you threaten her again.”

“Vile!” the Devil screamed. “Vulgar! Iniquitous! Despicable!” After his tantrum, he smiled. “Well. He’s finally stooped to my level. How delicious!”

“Blasphemy!” Samuel said, taking a step. Eli stopped him.

Before Eli could utter a command, Satan disappeared.

I took a deep breath, letting out a sob. Jared crawled back to us, wrapping his bloody, sweaty arms around our daughter and me. I shook as I cried, kissing my baby’s soft, delicate forehead as Jared kissed mine.

“Claire?” Ryan said, holding her in his arms.

Eli calmly walked across the room, kneeling beside them. “You look a fright.”

Claire managed one weak laugh. “Really? I thought for a brush with the Devil I look pretty fly.”

Gabe joined them, evaluating her wounds. “Pretty ugly, kiddo.” He looked to Eli.

Eli motioned to Samuel, and Samuel was suddenly kneeling next to Eli, lifting Claire from Ryan’s grasp.

“Wait,” Ryan said.

Samuel ignored him, setting Claire on her feet. Her clothes were still ripped, but the gashes from her face and body had disappeared.

Gabe helped Ryan to his feet with one hand and hooked his arm around Bex’s neck with the other. “Thank you,” Gabe said, seemingly to himself. I knew it was God he spoke to.

Ryan pulled Claire into his arms and smashed his lips onto hers, kissing her over and over. “You okay?” he said, visibly upset.

She smiled. “Just another day at work.”

He hugged her tightly, a single tear running down his dirty cheek. He breathed in quickly and then exhaled a faltering breath.

“In case I forget to tell you later,” she said, pulling back, “I kinda love you.”

Ryan laughed once. “Just remember who said it first.”

She nudged him, and they turned to watch Bex slowly return to Kim’s body. He frowned, trying to hold back the overwhelming sadness that we all felt.

Ryan fetched a sheet from the corner of the room, and Claire helped him to spread it on the floor. Bex lifted Kim’s body from the floor, laying her gently on the sheet. He straightened her bent legs and crossed her hands against her chest.

Eli stood next to Ryan. “We offer Kim’s soul to you, Father. Please welcome her into your kingdom and your arms. Extend comfort to her father and to her friends, and remind them daily that the sacrifice she made was made in love.”

“I’m sorry,” Bex said, covering her face with the sheet.

Ryan choked, and he and Claire wrapped their arms around each other.

My emotions were so tapped that I couldn’t find the tears to cry. I just stared at her outline under the sheet in disbelief. She was really gone. I imagined the horrible task of informing her father and Beth. How we could possibly explain how she died?

“We’ll take care of it,” Jared said. “She’ll receive the burial and respect she deserves.”

“I just want her back,” I said quietly. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have left. We would have all been safe if I’d just stayed in the Sepulchre.”

Jared touched my cheek. “Anxiety is a struggle for anyone. You did what you believed you had to do in the moment, and the survival instinct is nearly impossible to ignore as a Hybrid. You didn’t want this. Kim knew that.”

I nodded but knew the guilt would haunt me always. The threat I felt in the tomb was very real at the time, but looking back, I let my fear get the best of me, and it cost Kim her life. I would carry that for the rest of my life.

Gabe kneeled beside me to better see his grandchild. “She’s absolutely beautiful,” he said, touching her tiny hand.

“Thank you,” I said, my eyes finally filling with tears.

“You don’t understand what you’ve done here,” he said, wiping the tender skin under my eye. “You saved her, and she will save us all.”

“That’s a big job for a little girl,” Jared said, looking down to the precious bundle in my arms. “Good thing she’s strong like her mom.”

I lifted my chin and touched Jared’s lips to mine. His lips were warmer than mine for the first time in months. His scent mixed with our baby’s, and I felt lightness from relief that was vaguely familiar. Feeling safe was like a distant memory, and it came to me in such a surreal way, as if I couldn’t trust it. But our family was safe. We earned a new beginning for us, for all of us, which Heaven had created. With that thought, I looked on the precious beauty in my arms. “Eden,” I whispered.

“What was that?” Jared said, nearly euphoric.

“Her name is Eden.”

Epilogue

My hands were soaking wet. I wiped them on my gown, but they immediately became moist again. You can do this. This is nothing. You’ve definitely been through worse. I had, but there were hundreds of people watching. Waiting.

I turned to look for my husband. My eyes weren’t what they were when I was pregnant, and it was very frustrating to return to a normal human after experiencing life with abilities. An arm waving above the crowd caught my attention, and I saw Lillian smiling from ear to ear. Next to her was Cynthia. Bex, Claire, and Ryan sat in a line on the other side of my mother, with Jared on the end, trying to keep hold on an excited and wiggly Eden. She was ten months old, with rolls on rolls and wavy blond hair. Her cheeks were so chubby that they hung down like a basset hound’s. I could see her big blue eyes all the way from my seat. She stood on Jared’s lap, bouncing and waving, flashing her two gapped front teeth. It seemed to be all Jared could do to see around her, but it was her big brown bow that obstructed his view. I couldn’t help but laugh watching him try to see around it.

We had spent the last ten months in utter bliss. I finished my senior year at Brown as any other student, except with a husband and child. No more looking over my shoulder. No more fear. Life was normal. Better than normal. We were living our happily ever after, and our daughter watched our absolute joy in our new freedom.

“Nina Grey Ryel,” the announcer called.

I walked up the stairs and across the stage, taking my diploma from the president. She greeted me, and I made my way across, shaking the hands of people I’d never met but were obviously important at Brown University.

Beth, Tucker, Josh, and Lisa were among my classmates, and we were all both sad and excited that we had finally made it to graduation.

After the ceremony, we made our way to the gate and danced through the famed Van Winkle Gates with the band and Bruno, the Brown mascot. Beth and I laughed and skipped all the way down the street, meeting my family at the end.

I was surrounded with hugs and kisses from my in-laws and even from my mother. Eden reached for me, and Jared handed our daughter over, trading her for a kiss. Eden wrapped her chubby arms around my neck, tangling her fingers in my hair and opening her mouth to give me a big, wet baby kiss on the cheek.

“Oh, thank you!” I said with a smile.

“I thought we could meet for dinner,” Lillian chirped.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Do we need to bring anything?”

“Nope.” She winked. “I’ve been at it all morning.” She kissed me again and then nuzzled Eden’s cheek before kissing her children goodbye. “See you at six!”

Jared stuffed his hands in his pockets. “We might be a little late, Mom. We’ve got to make a stop.”

“Oh?” I said.

“It’s your graduation present.”

“What is it?” I said, lighting up.

Jared laughed. “You know I won’t tell you!”

I feigned disappointment. “I loathe surprises!”

“No, you don’t,” he said, hugging me to his side.

Claire winked at Jared. “We’ll see you guys at dinner. Congratulations! Bye, Edie!” She kissed Eden’s fat fingers, and then she and Ryan walked to her Exige, wrapped in each other’s arms. Bex rolled his eyes and reluctantly followed.

“I need to change,” I said.

“Okay. We can do that, too.”

Jared drove to the outskirts of town. We were on the same road as the warehouse, so I squirmed in my seat with excitement, believing Jared was taking me to see Eli. But we stopped several hundred yards from the warehouse. I could barely see it.

Jared pulled into the driveway of a two-story house.

“Where are we?”

“Home.” He smiled.

“Huh?” I said, taken aback. I looked at the house again. It was white with green shutters and had a porch with a swing. Very Norman Rockwell.

“Let’s go,” Jared said. As soon as his door shut, mine opened, and then he opened the back door to unfasten Eden from her car seat. “Come on!” he said, barely able to contain his enthusiasm.

I held his hand, and we walked to the front door. Jared used the key and then pushed the door open. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The inside was identical to the loft: the same pictures on the walls, the same decorations, even the same layout. The only difference was that the upstairs wasn’t visible.

“It’s ours?” I said, overwhelmed.

“It is. Our bedroom is upstairs, down the hall from Eden’s, and there’s a guest bedroom, too.”

I hugged him tightly, burying my face in his chest. “Jared! I love it! I can’t believe you did this.”

He suppressed a smile. “Cynthia isn’t happy.”

“She’ll get over it!” I said, looking around in awe.

We trotted up the stairs, and I gasped at our bedroom. It was as if nothing had ever happened to our loft. It was the same. Excited to see the new additions, I rushed to Eden’s room. Jared had made sure to decorate it exactly as it had been at Cynthia’s. He sat Eden down in her crib with some toys and then led me to the guest room by the hand. It was empty, and the walls were white and bare.

“You left this one for me, didn’t you?” I said, squeezing his hand.

“I didn’t know how you’d want it, so I thought I’d just leave it alone. A blank canvas.”

“I love it. I love all of it. I’ll sleep better tonight than I have since we lost the loft.” I looked at him. “You gave me back our home. I can’t tell you what this means to me.”

His eyebrows pulled together. “Not even a fraction of what you mean to me.”

I leaned up on the balls of my feet and wrapped my arms around his neck. My lips pressed against his, and I smiled at the warmth that emanated from him. I’d missed how hot he felt against my human skin. His strong hands pressed against my back, and he pulled me closer, every emotion he’d ever felt coming through in that kiss.

“I’m happy,” I whispered. “I’m so happy and it’s all because of you.”

A Note from the Author

Thank you so much for reading the Providence series! I hope you enjoyed following Jared and Nina’s journey and spending time with the characters as much as I did. Finishing my first series, I’m torn. I’m looking forward to writing something new, but I am terrible with goodbyes. Nina and Jared have a special place in my heart, like my first born. I have spent so much time with them that they feel very much like family. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’ve seen them through to the end.

Thank you.

Jamie

About the Author

Jamie McGuire is the author of the New York Times bestsellers Beautiful Disaster, Walking Disaster, and The Providence trilogy.

She and her husband, Jeff, live with their children on a ranch just outside Enid, Oklahoma, with three dogs, six horses, and a cat named Rooster.

Please visit www.jamiemcguire.com