Date: 2000-01-01 05:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Werewolves; Young Adult; Paranormal; Fantasy; Romance; Paranormal Romance; Shapeshifters; Urban Fantasy; Wolves; Supernatural
Description: Becoming a werewolf is not an option for seventeen-year-old Lacey Quinn, but death can be a strong motivator. Lacey is so focused on her future that everyday life has past her by. Counting down the days to her eighteenth birthday, Lacey is almost home free. But when she falls for the mysterious Alex Morris, she lands in the middle of an ancient war between two enemy wolf packs. Tempting dreams, tantalizing lies and a dangerous love triangle ensues leaving Lacey heartbroken and confused. Lacey’s fate rests in the hands of Alex and Brandon, but both are pulling her strings for their own agendas.

The Crescent

By

Jordan Deen

Black Rose Writing
www.blackrosewriting.com

© 2010 by Jordan Deen

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publishers, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine or journal.

The final approval for this literary material is granted by the author.

First printing

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

ISBN: 978-0-9825823-6-7

PUBLISHED BY BLACK ROSE WRITING
www.blackrosewriting.com

Printed in the United States of America

The Crescent is printed in 12-point Times New Roman

Without my friends and family, this novel would

never have happened. I appreciate having

you in my life each and every day.

In loving memory of CJS.

I miss you and I think of you often.

c h a p t e r

ONE

Blink 182 blared on my iPod as I shuffled down the sidewalk from my house leaving the stupidity behind me. My house slippers wet from the dew on our lawn left weird footprints as I walked. I tried to drown out the sound of my parents’ yelling in my head, their most recent argument rang in my ears. Being the only child meant being dragged into the middle of their arguments, each side using me as a pawn in their selfish and insensitive game of chess.

The war raging in my living room wasn’t about religious freedoms or Constitutional Rights; it wasn’t even about lying or cheating. No, it’s midnight and the topic for tonight was who used their ATM card at the gas station. Yeah. That’s right. People are dying of AIDS, kids are being abused and abandoned, but my parent’s find it necessary to fight over $25.42. Oh I forgot the $.50 processing fee for using debit instead of credit. So technically, the argument boiled down to $25.92 (including tax, of course). But if you asked my father, it’s about the principle.

The more they fought, the more I couldn’t wait to get away from them. Next year I’d be enjoying the sand and sea in San Diego- the home of my Aunt’s alma mater and my future college. Not to mention its 500 miles away from this hellhole. My parent’s loved each other at some point, but it’s obvious that had to be years ago, maybe even before I was born.

As I walked past the Johnson’s house, I wondered if they knew my father was a drunk-in-denial and my mother had recently started popping pills- uppers in the morning, downers in the evening. Then again, I always thought Mr. Johnson was a pedophile since he watched the preteen girls from the neighbor-hood playing hopscotch from his bedroom window with binoculars. My family secrets probably wouldn’t scare him in the slightest.

The streetlight at the end of the block turned my skin a fake tan color like I had spent the whole summer at the beach, but I hadn’t. I looked towards my house, going back now I’d risk being dragged into the argument. But it was already late and I had no where else to go. I could go to my best friend Jillian’s house, but it would be my luck her brother would be outside smoking and rat me out. Ricky hit on me a few years ago and it freaked me out since he’s five years older than me and I had known him since second grade.

Kicking a few pebbles on the asphalt, I crossed the street and walked back towards my house. The faint shadows of my parents crossing the front room window of our house told me they were still fighting. I considered making another pass when an unsettling breeze rushed through my body, shaking me to the bone. PJ’s and slippers probably weren’t the greatest idea for walking around the block at night. This isn’t a bad neighborhood, but for all I knew Mr. Johnson lurked in the bushes waiting to pounce.

I quickened my pace as the sense of being watched grew in the pit of my stomach, I didn’t want to look behind me, but when I did no one was there. I contemplated pulling off my slippers and running barefoot, but decided that would be a gross overreaction if I weren’t in danger. The Carson’s cat was probably following me for a midnight snack. I hated that stupid cat; he always knocked over our trash cans and pooped in our yard.

I glanced behind me again and still nothing. My heart pounded in my ears and sweat collected in the bends of my arms and in the palm of my hands. Bushes on the opposite side of the street spooked me as they rustled in the wind. I broke into a run, the tail of my hoodie flying behind me like Superman’s cape, but I didn’t feel too super right now. All the houses on the street were dark other than mine and it felt like I was running in slow motion to the house; if only I could fly or have nerves of steel.

The road to my house had been stretched or maybe I was stuck on the treadmill from hell because it took forever to get to my house. My skin expanded with the force of blood rushing through me as my heart thumped in time with my feet on the pavement. I wondered if whatever pursued me enjoyed terrorizing teenage girls in the middle of the night.

Finally I rounded the end of the sidewalk in front of my house and bounded up the stairway to my front door. My hands shook as I turned the doorknob; the inherent danger that lurked in the yard relied on my failure, just waiting to claim me as its next victim. I considered pounding on the door, but that would alert my parents that I had left the house then I’d really be in deep shit. I briefly glanced over my shoulder just as the hedges in my lawn kicked up in the wind, blowing freshly fallen leaves into a cyclone. I would’ve stayed to watch the beauty of it longer- if I wasn’t shaking so badly.

The door felt like it was made out of cement as I got it open. I threw my body against it to get it closed, afraid that my weight wouldn’t be enough to stop whatever was about to start pushing it open. I twisted the deadbolt until the lock clicked, not that I really thought the small lock or door was any match for what my imagination knew had chased me to my house. My chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath with my back firmly pressed to the door waiting for something, anything.

My parent’s argument was still in full swing and it was apparent that neither of them noticed my little excursion into the neighborhood. Swallowing hard I glanced out the front windows into the yard, not really sure I was ready to see what was waiting for me. I was disappointed and relieved to see the yard was empty and the hedges were ghostly still; no monsters, no demons, and thankfully no Mr. Johnson. I just ran all the way back to my house over nothing; hopefully none of my neighbors saw me. Maybe Jill and I had watched one too many slasher movies this summer.

Laughing at myself, I took several deep breaths to get my heart to catch up with the rest of my body. My breathing was almost normal again when I realized the voices coming from the kitchen were different than any other petty argument they’ve had. I sprinted to the doorway just in time to see my father’s fist land squarely on my mother’s jaw line. Time stood still as I watched my mother, all hundred and twenty pounds of her, fly backward and land on the kitchen table. She rolled onto the floor and tried to regain her composure. I focused on my father’s clenched fists and the veins protruding from his neck. I had never seen my father so upset, so enraged before in my whole life.

“Dad NO!” I shouted when he started to step forward. Mom stood between us and pushed her weight against me trying to force me from the kitchen. “Stop. What have you done?” I screamed ignoring my mother’s firm grip. I was at least three inches taller than her and outweighed her by ten pounds. It would have been easy to push her out of my way.

My father slumped back onto one of the counters, as mom whispered for me to go to my room. Ashamed for not allowing her to will me from the kitchen, I avoided looking into her eyes, but when I finally did- we were both crying. The cheek beneath her left eye was already pink and swollen from the blow; I reached out and gently touched the spot with my fingertips, not sure it was real.

“Shhh…” My mother’s voice was almost a whisper as I started to talk again. “Go… go to your room now.” She turned to look at dad; the counter was the only thing keeping him upright. I fought the urge to smack him by glaring at him instead; if I hit him then I would be no better than he was.

“Is he drunk?” I didn’t bother lowering my voice. I wanted him to be humiliated.

“Go to your room, now.” My mother’s blue eyes were unrelenting. She wasn’t up for my Joan of Arc routine tonight.

Scowling at my father, I pushed the earphones back into my ears and leapt up the stairs to my room. I got the music playing but not before my father and mother started yelling at each other again. Their heavy footsteps on the stairs rattled my windows and then their bedroom door slammed shut. Now I wished I didn’t have the room right next to theirs. My iPod was loud, but not loud enough to block out my mother’s high pitched screaming.

I couldn’t stand another round of this. I headed back downstairs and took one look at the front door. It wasn’t safe to venture out there again, not after earlier. I went out into the backyard instead. I settled onto one of the swings of my old play set and pushed myself back with the tip of my toes. The rusted metal of the chain crackled and squeaked as I glided forward. The houses to either side were still dark and the small patio light cast creepy shadows across the grass. A cool breeze shook mom’s rose bushes and the few hedges that surrounded one side of the patio.

But when the wind stopped, the bushes didn’t. I froze staring into the darkness trying to see the threat that was waiting just to the side of my family home. I held my breath trying to decide whether or not to make a run for it. I couldn’t hesitate much longer. Rising slowly from the swing, I lingered again trying to judge the distance between the swings and the safety of the kitchen door. Can I make it before it gets me?
IT! Coming outside again tonight was a bad idea.

That’s when I saw them. Two monstrous golden brown eyes peered at me from the hedge. I wasn’t imagining those eyes. They were menacing as they went from full moons to half then to crescents. My heart raced as I took possibly the last breath of my life and sprinted for the door.

c h a p t e r

TWO

Dad had gone to grandma’s house again. I’m not sure whether mom kicked him out or if he left on his own this time. After mom left for work I headed to the kitchen to pull out the biggest butcher knife from the drawer preparing to go to the backyard. At least I was ready or thought I was ready, for whatever could be waiting for me. Just in case, I pulled on my best running shoes and headed out the sliding glass door determined to flush out whatever was spying on me from the rosebush. Although I really hoped it would be gone by now.

I knew I looked stupid as I kicked and hacked at the bush the eyes had been staring out of. “HA! Now what?” I say just as my neighbors’ nine-year old daughter, Megan witnessed my insanity from over the wooden fence separating our yards. I slinked back into the house in shame and replaced the knife back into its hiding spot, hoping my mother wouldn’t realize I had defiled her bush with one of her most expensive knives.

I climbed the stairs back to my bathroom, pulled out a towel and hopped into the shower. My muscles had almost relaxed from my bush attack when my cell phone started ringing. I almost fell trying to get out of the shower rushing to my phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey you up?” That’s my best friend, always stating the obvious.

“Well, I answered the phone didn’t I?” I gave her my best morning dose of sarcasm.

“Serious Lacey. I mean are you out of bed? Did your parents’ go ballistic last night or what?” She was crunching on something.

“What are you eating?”

“Ok Miss avoidance…” She half laughed and crunched some more. “So are you grounded or what?”

“No, they didn’t ground me but they did go ballistic.” I hesitated, the terrifying golden brown eyes flashed through my mind. “They were already fighting before they realized I was home.”

“Your parents amaze me.” Crunch Crunch Crunch.

“Could you stop crunching in my ear? It’s a little early for that.”

“It’s almost 9!” Jillian’s voice elevated. I’m sure her parent’s were already up but there was no way Ricky was. “What are we doing today? Wanna go to the mall?”

Another day at the mall- we’d spent most of the summer at the mall and the movies. We needed something else to do; neither of us had a boyfriend, or even a prospect and no other close friends to really speak of. We were loners, but by choice and that choice was getting a little tiring (not to mention boring).

Jillian and I met when we were in second grade and had been practically inseparable ever since. I was there when she got her heart broken by Jimmy Lewis in Junior high and she was there for me when I had to put my beloved dog, Tippy to sleep. No topic was off limits for our conversations and no story that we didn’t know about each other. Except my father’s drinking, I shared that with no one.

“What about the beach?” Jillian chimed.

She got an A+ for effort but I wasn’t sure a day in the sun was really what I wanted, but the alternative was fluorescent lighting and the same $1.50 movies playing at the Cineplex. “Ok.”

“Don’t sound too excited!” Crunch Crunch.

“You’re crunching again.”

“Sorry! I need to eat before Ricky gets up. He’s going to take over the kitchen as soon as he emerges from his cave. He has some sort of track meet coming up and he’s been carb loading.”

“Yeah, whatever, just tell him he’s getting fat and move on.” We both started laughing. “Ok so I’ll see you in an hour?”

“Ok!” Jillian was more enthused about this plan than I was.

I wasn’t back in the shower long when the phone rang again. I abandoned all hope of getting to finish as I crawled back out of the shower reaching for the phone. “What now?” I snapped figuring it was Jillian again.

“Is that how you answer the phone at 9am?” Oh great. Mom.

“Hey mom. Sorry I thought it was Jillian. We are going to the beach today.”

“Well you need to pick up your room. Can you fend for yourself for dinner tonight?” She hadn’t realized I’d been taking care of my own dinner for weeks.

“Yeah.” My response bland; she wouldn’t be pleased.

“Lacey Marie.” Great- she pulled out the middle name.

“Yes mother.” I got off the phone as quickly as I could to set to the task of picking up my room. I guess I should’ve asked her what she was doing tonight that she wouldn’t be home, but the fact was, it didn’t matter. She wouldn’t be home and dad probably wouldn’t either; that was nothing new. It left me a lot of freedom to hang out with Jillian and come and go as I pleased.

Jillian and I soaked up the sun on giant beach towels for the rest of the day. We shared magazines and books as chiseled men playing beach volleyball distracted us frequently. A sandy haired boy in his twenties came to retrieve their ball once and my body tensed slightly when the back of his hand brushed the top of my foot. I knew I needed to get out and expand my “friend” horizons to include some boys.

“Wow…” Jillian whispered as the boy ran away, looking much like an extra from Baywatch in his red board shorts. “They don’t look like that at West Brooke.”

“That’s probably because that boy isn’t in high school.” I didn’t take my eyes off him for the next hour. Sunglasses are the best invention ever, without them he may have filed for an emergency restraining order against me.

My parents were fighting by the time Jillian dropped me back off at home. “Sure you don’t want to come home with me instead?” She looked sympathetic. I’m sure everyone on our street could hear the argument.

“No. It’s cool.” I pulled out my headphones and dangled them between my fingers. “I’ve got Blink to keep me company.”

Jillian smiled. “Ok well if Travis isn’t enough tonight, call, ok?” I nodded and hurried up the sidewalk.

I watched longingly from the stairs as her Ford pulled out of sight. Taking a deep breath, I tried to hear what the argument of the night could possibly be. They were towards the back of the house, so their voices were too muffled to understand. I waited to see if they’d come back to the living room as a few neighbors walked by with their dogs and a few kids peddled by on bikes. It was just after dusk and the street lamps had started to illuminate the street a strange amber orange color. The first few stars had started to show in the blue and black night sky. Settling into the lounger, I started wishing my parents had turned on the porch light when they got home. I figured it wouldn’t look so obvious if I sat in the chair on the porch rather than eavesdropping at the front door.

When the night sky turned black and the moon hung high in the sky I finally considered going into the house. I still hadn’t the faintest idea what the argument was over. My stomach started rumbling and I covered it with my hands a few times wishing I had brought a snack in my bag to the beach. I peeked in one of the windows, they were on the couch in the front room; their argument no longer as loud- but still just as intense as before.

Around the side of the house I carefully wedged my way between the fence and the trash cans to get to the back door. I could at least get into the kitchen and get something to eat before being dragged into the fight. Stumbling over a misplaced rake, I lost my footing on the water hose and almost fell into the bushes. I seriously wished they‘d turned the lights on now. I finally got the sliding glass door opened and tried to close it as quietly as possible to not disturb the sentinels waiting in the next room. Digging through the refrigerator, I decided to make a sandwich. When they started to yell at each other again, I was rather satisfied with my portable choice of food. I wrapped it in a napkin and went out to my playhouse in the backyard to eat in privacy.

I slipped in my earphones trying to pretend it was a much easier time for my family. I ate my sandwich in peace to the melodic beats of Blink 182 numbing my mind. I needed to download one of their other albums because this one was starting to wear thin. The lights in the kitchen finally went out and my parents retreated to their bedroom. The house seemed like such a shell from the playhouse. When I was little I used to think my parent’s lives were perfect. They would throw huge barbecues and invite all of the neighbors, but it’s been years since the last one. I gathered my items back into my bag to head into the house, hoping it was safe to go inside now.

I tripped over the threshold exiting the dollhouse, tossing everything in my bag all over the ground. If I knew it wouldn’t be ruined by the morning, I’d leave everything scattered on the ground. Cursing at myself I shoved each piece back into the bag, not being too careful or really paying attention to how most of my magazines were now crumpled. Familiar chills raced down the length of my spine as my body went rigid. My heart started to race and I felt claustrophobic as hot breath swirled against my neck. Ting Ting Ting. Clanking vibrated in my ear. Taking the last breath of my short life, I waited for whatever was going to happen next.

But then, I felt a very soft, warm, wet…

Nose?

Wait no, fur?

My eyes shot open and I jerked my head in the direction of the breath. The largest black dog I had ever seen loomed over me with the dopiest look on his face. It looked like a wolf, but it had a dog collar with a set of tags. Grant was the only thing inscribed on the tag dangling close to my nose.

“You’re a fucking bitch.” My father’s voice boomed from the house as their shadows crossed their bedroom window.

Grant whimpered and laid on the grass next to me. The dog easily outweighed me and if we were both standing I’m sure he would be taller than me too. His large brown eyes never left my face as he put his furry head into my lap.

The argument upstairs started to escalate again and my heart sank further in my chest. Dad’s heavy footsteps pounded down the stairs and glass shattered in the house. Grant’s ears pushed back on his massive head as he glared at the house; his eyes forming amazing golden brown crescents. Then it dawned on me: Grant was in the bush last night. I rubbed my hand timidly across his mane trying to quiet the dog until my father went back upstairs; low growls vibrated his neck and head against my legs.

“Shhhh…” I whispered. “It’s ok.” I rubbed the length of the dog’s fur until he laid his head back in my lap. “They’ll be done soon.” The dog slightly whimpered again and closed his eyes. Grant’s even breathing and warmth against my side made me want to take him into the house and let him sleep on the bed like Tippy used to, but I knew that was out of the question, at least for tonight. I waited until my parent’s bedroom light went off and snuck into the kitchen. I grabbed several blankets and reheated some steak for him. I would make the playhouse a makeshift doghouse until I could find his owner.

“Ok boy, here you go.” I removed the small chairs and made a pallet on the floor for the dog. I was amazed he had a hard time getting through the door of the dollhouse. He walked around in a circle a few times, whacking me in the face with his big furry tail. When Grant finally decided to lie down he put his head on my lap.

“I can’t stay here buddy. I have to go inside. You’ll be safe here tonight.” Grant’s expressive eyes looked at me and he started to shift his body until his head completely pressed against my stomach, holding me to the side of the dollhouse. I ran my fingers through his silky hair several times until I swear I heard the dog snoring. His rhythmic breathing had me relaxed and asleep in no time.

c h a p t e r

THREE

Grant nosed and licked my arm, another moment and my father stood in the doorway of the playhouse.

“What the…” His eyes widened at the sight of the dog. “What the hell is that?”

Grant never moved his head from my lap, but a deep seeded growl rumbled up through his body and throat. I moved my hand gently across his nose and up between his eyes, not sure if I was trying to calm his nerves more of my own.

“I found him out here last night. He has tags; I’m going to find his owner today.” I continued to pet his soft fur. I’m not sure I would’ve stood up to my dad about having the dog here, if the dog weren’t so… imposing.

“You know the rules.” Dad looked at the dog and I, disapproving.

“I know dad. What do you expect me to do? Let him just stay out here in the cold?”
“Lacey, you don’t know if that dog has any diseases. It could seriously hurt you. How can you be so trusting?”

“How can you be so cynical?” I looked down at Grant. “He’s just a helpless animal dad. He was scared and lonely. I just want to help him get back home. For all you know he belongs to one of the new neighbors.”

“That dog is not helpless. I want him gone by the time I get home tonight.” Grant grumbled again and my dad took a step back. “The dog could be feral.”

Grant wasn’t feral; he was too clean and well behaved. My father stalked back across the lawn. For the next ten minutes he slammed cabinets in the kitchen and stormed around the house as he got ready to leave for work.

“Come on Grant.” I called my newfound friend and headed into the house when both mom and dad were gone. “Do you like hamburger?” I asked pulling out some ground beef from the freezer and rice from the pantry. We normally gave rice and beef to dogs that needed to gain weight; he definitely didn’t need to gain any. But since I didn’t know his normal diet, I figured it was a safe choice.

I sat at the table eating my cereal and thumbing through the lost ads as Grant cleaned his dish of the hamburger and rice mixture I had made. “Is that good boy? Huh?” I reached over and rubbed his thick mane. He claimed the spot next to me on the floor and stretched out on the cool tiles.

“Can you walk on a leash?” I asked as I pulled out a spare leash to loop to his collar. It was an adventure trying to get Grant to agree to go onto the lead; which he never did.

“Come on now. I can’t just go walking down the street with you. What if you run off? I’d never forgive myself if you were hit by a car.” Then again, the car would probably suffer more damage than the dog. I tried not to grin at the thought as I took aim and attempted to get the leash on his collar but he jerked away. I ended up doubled over him with my head to the floor and my feet towards the ceiling over his back. I slid myself slowly onto the floor and lay there looking up at the dog looming over me. “Ok, this is not going to work. How am I going to find your owner if you aren’t helping me?” He sprawled out flat on the floor next to me and laid his head on my shoulder. He was not making this any easier. Dad would blow up when he got home if the dog was still here. “Grant, I know you like it here. But you have to go home. Dad will never let me keep you, and I’m sure someone is missing you.” He let out a small whimper.

“I know boy. I know. I will find your owner”

A week later after I had blanketed my neighborhood with found signs, dad finally agreed to let Grant sleep in the house. Dad didn’t like it, but my mother and I took him on and wore him down. He bought a large dog bed and tossed it into one corner of the kitchen insisting that was the extent of Grant being in the house.

I spent more time with Grant than I had with Jillian the final days before my first day. The night before school started turned out to be pain staking. My parent’s argument from the night before continued and my dad got more irrational. I sought refuge in my iPod and the new Blink 182 CD I downloaded, but it didn’t help, their voices bellowed from downstairs.

“I never wanted any of this!” I heard mom scream.

“Then why did you say yes?” Dad retorted. Ugh.

They knew I could hear them; they had to know that our neighbors could hear them and it was after midnight. So much for getting a full nights sleep for school tomorrow. Thankfully I only had school half day since I worked the afternoons at the clinic.

“Why don’t you just leave?” Dad’s voice rose again over my music.

I knew the answer to that: she had nowhere else to go. Mom’s parents and only sister had passed away years ago before I was born. Dad’s family had been the only support my mother had since she was my age.

“You’re such an asshole.” My mother screamed back as my dad’s voice muffled; it sounded like he was heading down the hallway. They would be in their bedroom shortly. Fantastic.

I tugged the afghan Aunt Jamie made and held it tightly to my chest. I just wish they would stop. People who are this miserable shouldn’t be together.

Dad’s footsteps pounded on the stairway, past my bedroom and his door slammed with a bone-shaking THUD. I tossed the opposite way of their room on my bed and clutched my pillow to my head. Grant’s large black nose pressed against the bottom of the door with his large claws peeking beneath the door. I rushed over to let him into my room.

“I’m so sorry Grant. I thought you were still outside.” Grant’s head nuzzled into my side as I set my hand comfortably on his back and walked back to the bed. He sat patiently as I climbed back in and covered up with the blankets. “Come on boy.” I patted the edge of the bed allowing Grant to sleep with me. If dad knew, he’d be furious. He said Grant’s eyes made him feel uneasy, like he could attack anyone at anytime.

I rubbed my hand through Grant’s soft fur as he laid his head on my stomach. His weight felt like he would crush me, but it didn’t matter- he easily silenced the noise from the other room. “I wish I were a dog. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about my parent’s or having friends, or going to school.” Grant whimpered as my parent’s screaming intensified. My body stiffened as a loud bang came from their room. I went to jump into action when Grant settled both of his strong paws against me and pushed my body back down onto the bed.

“Grant, NO!” I shrieked. “I have to help my mother.” A low, uneven growl vibrated through his body. “Come on boy.” He growled again, terrifying me. “Bad dog.” I said quietly, my voice cracked betraying my authority. But it seemed to work; Grant whimpered and put his head down in my lap, nuzzling against my stomach like he was sorry.

Just then another THUD but this time it was their bedroom door slamming. I held my breath and watched the bottom of the door as my mother’s shadow passed by. I listened to her footsteps on the stairs and then out the front door. My father usually was the one to leave; my mother probably had no idea were to go. Grant pushed down onto me even before I could formulize the thought to get out of bed and go after my mother.

“What has gotten into you?” I asked him. Grant looked at me as he stretched out further, daring me to tell him to move. “Ok, ok.” I gave in and mussed the hair between his ears. I lay back on the bed, thankful for the quiet, but worried what the next day might bring.

I guess I should’ve known that nothing would be different from last year. The only difference was my days were shorter and I was a year older. I waited on the porch for Jillian to pick me up for the first day. We only had one class together since I was ahead in school and she was behind. She had to take a full class load to be able to graduate in June.

“Come on boy- you have to stay in the backyard while I’m gone.” Dad refused to let him stay in the house with no one home. I put up more found signs at my father’s request since the other’s kept blowing away.

“It’s ok.” I nuzzled my face into his thick hair around the base of his neck, half rubbing him- half roughing up his fur. “I’ll be home before you know it.” I clicked the gate shut and ran to the curb to meet Jillian.

“I can’t believe how big Grant is. Did he get bigger in the past week? Or is that just me?” I looked closely at the dog, turned monster lurking behind the slats of the wooden fence; he was pacing like an exotic animal at the zoo.

“I don’t know.” My eyes fixed with one of his through the slats; he looked wilder than he had just a moment ago. I could swear his eyes had changed color. “He is a mature dog, I don’t think so.” Then I hesitated… “Ok no more hamburger and rice for him.” I giggled as Jillian pulled the car away from the curb.

My first period I spent trying to figure out whom I pissed off to be paired as Office Assistant partners with Courtney Wilcox, West Brooke’s head cheerleader. As far as Jillian and I were concerned, she was the biggest bitch on campus. As far as she was concerned, Jillian and I were social road kill on high school highway.

Mrs. Stone showed us the student registries and the files. She pointed to a large stack of yellow sheets. “These are new admissions forms and it’s your responsibility to have them all filed by the end of the term.” I looked at Courtney mindlessly picking at a piece of her nail. Mrs. Stone should’ve just said that it was my responsibility; Courtney wouldn’t do any of the filing.

Courtney settled into a chair at a desk that was emptied when half of the secretarial staff got laid off; hence the need for more student workers in the office. “Ms. Quinn, could you watch the counter for a few minutes while I take these to the nurse’s office?” She held up a huge stack of files.

“Sure.” I muttered as I glanced over at Courtney, now filing one of her nails.

I answered the phone several times and helped several freshman girls find their classes when the most beautiful guy walked through the door. At over 6 foot 5 inches tall he nearly blocked out the sun coming in the office windows. His sandy brown hair was cut in a short, disheveled way that would only work on someone as handsome as him. He had a perfectly defined jaw line and eyes so brown and inset that it didn’t look like he had any retinas. I tried to busy myself with meaningless paperwork so I didn’t stare as he stopped to look at the bulletin board just inside the door. Another freshman girl sauntered up to the counter with her schedule.

“Hi, can you tell me where Ms. Fitzgerald’s class is?” One look at her schedule and I felt instantly terrible for her. Ms. Fitzgerald gave too many quizzes on Shakespearean literature and she had Ms. Quintero for Spanish.

“Sure you go back out the doors to the right until you reach the next set of doors. Go through those and it’s the first door on the left.” I smiled, trying not to glance at the guy as he stood behind her waiting his turn. My eyes briefly met his and I looked away, both nervous and embarrassed that he caught me gazing at him. The freshman girl hurried off to her class and the boy stepped towards the counter; his head cocked slightly forward with a lazy smile on his face. I’m sure he had melted more impressive girl’s hearts than my own with that look.

I barely squeaked out Hi when Courtney bounced her hip into me. “You can take your break now.” She mumbled to me. “Hiya. How can I service you?”

SLUT. I sulked back to the desk she had been occupying and started going through the yellow admission slips she had carelessly shuffled together so they were now out of alphabetical order. Courtney blatantly leaned over the counter towards the guy showing him what little cleavage she had. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, so I made up a conversation.

I’m Hot Guy SO-and-SO. You’re a sexy, dumb blonde cheerleader- wanna take my Beemer out to my parent’s place in Malibu for the weekend baby?

OH my hero…SWOON…

Gag. Twits.

“Earth to humanoid?” Courtney’s perfectly polished pink nails waived in front of my face.

“What?” I shook off my depiction of their gag-tastic conversation as Courtney looked at me annoyed.

“What does he do with this?” She shook his senior enrollment form in my face. He didn’t look like a senior; he looked old enough to be a Coach or even a teacher.

“It doesn’t have a parent’s signature.” I handed it back to Courtney, stating the obvious.

Courtney rolled her eyes and looked at the slip; obviously annoyed that she didn’t catch that before asking Lacky Lacey. A nickname that I’m glad lost its popularity by my sophomore year when I made the top five percentile of the class.

The boy leaned over the counter; the sun flowing in the windows behind him hugged his perfect silhouette. “Can you help me?” His long finger extended to point at me. I stopped breathing; someone may need to call the nurse to revive me.

I pointed to myself- “Me?” I looked at him in disbelief as he grinned larger.

“Yeah. This one has no idea what she is doing.” He crooked his thumb like he was hitching a ride and pointed at Courtney. I had to suppress a laugh as he widened his gorgeous brown eyes and raised his eyebrows.

“Umm… sure.” I willed myself up and out of the desk to the counter; my legs betrayed me with every step making me feel like I was walking on jell-o. Courtney slinked back to the desk and sat on top of it; crossing her legs showing off more of her upper thigh than humanly possible without being naked. “This has to be signed by your parents.” I held out the yellow slip; instead of arms I had spaghetti noodles.

“I’m emancipated.”

“Just because your 18…”

His hand reached out and the tip of his fingers barely brushed mine on the paper, shock waves vibrated through my whole body making my heart skip more than a few beats. “No I mean I’m legally emancipated. You know, the whole court thing and all…”

“Really?” I asked without thinking. Courtney laughed behind me.

“Yeah, people can do that retard…” Courtney said loud enough for me to hear.

Bitch.

His eyes held me there in an uncomfortable stare until I had to look away.

“Ummm…” I stalled feeling like a complete idiot. “Ok you need to sign here. I think they’ll ask for your paperwork.”

“Paperwork?” He raised his eyebrow and leaned forward on the desk to rest below my eyes, making it hard for me to concentrate.

“Yeah. Uh” DAMN- now I’m saying UH. “I’ll have to check with Mrs. Stone, but since you don’t have a parent’s signature, you’ll need to show you’re emancipated.”

Mouth and brain connected? Check.

Breathing? Check.

Heart Beating? Check.

“Oh ok.” He responded. As he leaned back from the counter I finally started to gain control of my head. “I’ll have to bring that back. Can I go to classes today?” He was in motion and out the door before I could answer.

I stared at the door waiting for my heart to slow down and my mind to catch up. “Could you be any more spastic? Have you even had a boyfriend?” Courtney reclaimed the spot behind the desk as more students walked up to the counter.

“You could put those back in order.” I pointed to the slips she had messed up.

“NO WAY.” She held her hands out in front of her. “These hands weren’t made for manual labor.” Yeah. No shit.

c h a p t e r

FOUR

I followed Courtney all the way to my second period photography class; regardless if she was in my third period or not, I was taking a different route than her. I barely managed to make it through second and third period. Fourth period couldn’t come quick enough, it was the only class I had with Jillian and I couldn’t wait to tell her about the boy from the office.

I walked into Mr. Thompson’s class and claimed one of the lab tables in the back. I put my backpack on the table next to me claiming a spot for her and pulled out my Econ book and my notebook.

Jillian rushed in just barely before the bell rang. “So how was your morning?”

“Weird… actually…” I looked over at Garrett, Courtney’s ex-boyfriend and mega jerk. He was busy talking to Ashley; trying to convince her to go out on Friday. Unfortunately, Courtney was in this class too; she glared at Garrett from two tables in front of us.

“What happened?” Jillian snapped her fingers in front of my face to bring me back to the conversation.

I shook my head, “Sorry. I was paired with Courtney in the office. This boy came in this morning…” no sooner did I start talking about him, he appeared. He walked through the door confidently and handed his yellow sheet to Mr. Thompson to be signed off for his first day.

“Lacey? What about the guy?” Jillian asked about him at the most inopportune time. Instead of choosing any of the other vacant seats in the room, he walked up and claimed the chair directly in front of our table. “Lacey- hello? The guy? The office?” I elbowed her trying to get her to shut up. He glanced over his shoulder; the side of his mouth pulled up in that lazy grin.

When he turned back around I widened my eyes and pointed at him under the table. That’s HIM. I mouthed. Jillian not subtle in the slightest of ways, spent the next five minutes studying every part of his body. I caught myself staring at his chiseled back through his perfectly taut t-shirt; he looked like a professional athlete.

“Ok everyone. I see in true senior fashion, you have all stuck to sitting with the people you know. But we do have a few new faces this year, so we will go around and take a few minutes to introduce each other.” Oh no. I glanced over at Jillian; at least I already knew everything about her. “Ok everyone in this row- turn to the person behind you, everyone in this row turn to these people.” Jillian and I both gave each other a panicked look. Before I could even object the handsome boy turned his chair and scooted it to the front of my table.

“Hey again.” His lazy grin incinerated the rest of my heart. I smiled like an idiot and stared, my mouth half open but no words coming out.

Jillian elbowed me. “Sorry, my friend must have temporarily misplaced her tongue. I’m Jillian.”

“Hi, I’m Alex.” His eyes fixed on hers for a moment and then came back to meet mine. I felt lightheaded. His knees hovered on either side of mine under the table and his whole body leaned forward. For the briefest moment I concentrated on his perfectly molded lips and considered leaning in to brush mine to his, wanting to know what they would feel like. Being this close felt more intimate than I had ever felt with anyone before. It made me wonder if he knew he was invading my personal space.

“Are you alright?” Should I say he just caught me fantasizing about kissing him?

Probably not.

Jillian saved me. “I’m sorry she has trouble thinking this close to lunch. Low blood sugar.”

“Is she diabetic?” Concern flashed on his face. I couldn’t stop staring at him, my face permanently frozen.

“Actually…” Jillian hesitated and put her hand on my knee. She squeezed hard pulling my eyes away from him to her. “She’s not.” Jillian’s eyes searched my face as I came out of a beautiful daydream. She looped her fingers in mine and squeezed my hand tightly.

“I’m sorry, umm… Alex?” I barely choked out. He nodded. “It’s been a hectic day.”

“I bet…” Alex glanced towards Courtney as she laughed and shamelessly flirted with Thomas, one of Garrett’s friends. She winked at Alex. My stomach churned. I don’t think I could really stomach them being together; he was out of my league but he was definitely too good for her. “So are you going to tell me your name? Or shall I guess?” Alex’s deep brown eyes could cut me in half if he kept looking at me that way. His fingers pressed firmly around his pen, tapping it slightly on his notebook. His shoulders inched closer to me across the table.

“Lacey. Lacey Quinn.” He extended his hand; I inspected it before finally offering mine.

“Wow…” Alex grinned larger. “She has a name... and it’s beautiful.” My skin lit on fire when he held onto my hand a little too long. The fire quickly turned to ice rushing up my arm as his thumb snaked over the top of mine and brushed across my knuckle. “Your hands…” Alex paused. Jillian’s fingers dug into my thigh with such force that I’d be bruised tomorrow.

“Ok class.” Mr. Thompson announced pulling me from Alex’s hypnosis. Alex brushed his thumb across mine again and then gently lowered both of our hands to the desk. He tapped his index finger to the back of my hand; like a magician snapping his fingers, time restarted and I let out the breath I had been holding. I quickly jerked my hand off the desk, very uncomfortable with all the people that had just witnessed the exchange.

“Time to introduce your new friends.” I knew nothing about him, other than how his touch stopped my heart and clouded my thoughts: now I had to introduce him. My eyes darted around the room to see Courtney smiling at my panic.

Alex pulled out a piece of paper from my notebook and whispered, “Here. Write something about yourself.” He quickly scribbled several things onto another sheet of paper. Our hands brushed each other and it felt like he would grab my hand again or maybe I wanted him to. Instead he says, “I hope you can read my writing.” He chuckles and winks. Wait did he just wink?

“Oh it’s fine.” I barely looked at the paper. He could have written he was a serial killer looking for his next victim and I probably would’ve thought that was perfectly wonderful.

“This is Lacey Quinn. She is seventeen. She is an only child. She volunteers after school at her Aunt’s Veterinary clinic. She loves listening to her iPod and reading.” Alex hesitated as he brushed his fingertips over my writing and grins. This is what I wrote:

Lacey enjoys school, going to the beach and hanging out with her best friend Jillian. With such short notice, I couldn’t come up with anything better.

That, however, is not what he said. “Lacey enjoyed her ten day backpacking trip to Paris over summer. Ironically enough, where she met me and broke my heart. So when she left, in true stalker fashion, I followed her to the states.” I felt my face turn beet red as all eyes in the room fixed on Alex and I and the positioning of his body; still incredibly intimate. I wanted to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich.

“Well, that’s interesting.” Mr. Thompson added. Jillian and I both stared at Alex. The entire classroom scrutinized the silent conversation Alex and I were having. I felt more like a spectator to the conversation than a participant in it.

“Ms. Quinn, please introduce Mr. Morris to the class.”

My voice felt weak. “This is Alex Morris.” I stuttered as I felt his knee brush mine. “He is 18 years old. He just moved here from abroad. He loves to listen to music, read, and he is really active in outdoor activities.” His writing continued to say that he loves repairing old cars and hanging out with his friends. He changed mine, but I couldn’t think of anything clever to say.

I hesitated, desperately searching for something witty then I continued, “Alex loves to repair old cars and hang out with his friends.” Alex eyes twinkled as his cheek dimpled slightly from his growing smile. I’m sure he knew I tried to come up with a way to change his like he had mine.

“What? Nothing about Paris?” Mr. Thompson asked. I wanted to sink into my chair. “Jillian would you like to introduce Mr. Hammond?” Mr. Thompson went on with the class introductions, none as entertaining as the one Alex gave for me.

Alex did not move his chair back to his own table. He stayed positioned so close to me that I couldn’t concentrate on anything else other than his breathing; I kept forgetting my own.

“Ok class…” I barely listened to anything that Mr. Thompson said for the next forty minutes. I didn’t want to think about class ending. Alex had completely hijacked my mind and it only got worse every time I stole glances at him.

“So what’s up with him?” Jillian tried to keep her voice low as we tossed our book bags into our lockers.

“I have no idea.” I wasn’t looking forward to the walk to the clinic, I didn’t really have time to think about Alex and the liberty he just took telling my entire Econ class that we were an item, in Paris, no less.

“You sure you don’t want me to use my lunch and drive you?” Jillian walked with me to the parking lot as I wished I had a car of my own.

“No don’t worry about it.” I gave her a hug and hurried out the gate. She was disappointed that I didn’t have full days, but I didn’t have the heart to tell my Aunt I couldn’t work for her this year.

I pulled my headphones from my pack and slipped them in heading down the sidewalk that lined the parking lot of the school. Courtney sat in the backseat of a car, possibly Thomas’, but I couldn’t be for sure. Not too many spots down Garrett sat in his truck, but the windows were too tinted to tell who was in there with him. Several stoner students were camped out behind a van near the fence smoking pot; others were sitting on tailgates drinking beer. I walked faster as a few of the slackers offered me pot, something stronger than pot and different cans of beer.

Several high-pitched girls laughed and squealed from the parking lot. My music definitely wasn’t up loud enough if I couldn’t drown out Lindsey, Ashley and Bridget: Courtney’s best friends. They were walking towards the parking lot linked arm in arm, surrounding Alex. That didn’t take long… he acquired a harem. I half grinned and laughed thinking of Alex dressed up in an Aladdin costume with all the girls wearing outfits like Jasmine running around him while he sang with a monkey on a flying carpet. I’m not sure he could pull off parachute pants and a turban though… or maybe he could… without his shirt on.

I fumbled my iPod at the thought of Alex shirtless and watched it fall to the ground. When I up righted, I caught a glimpse of Nate Randall in his band uniform getting into his S-10, the first and only guy I had ever slept with. My sophomore year, Jillian and I signed up for band after the encouragement of our parents. They felt it would help us “make more friends”. It sort of did, but I’m sure not in the way they had intended. We made a pact with Nate and his best friend, Brian, that we would get the whole virgin thing out of the way by Christmas break if we hadn’t found someone. None of us had, so we drew names and just did it. It was the most awful experience of my life. Something was missing and things had been weird between Nate and I ever since.

I wrapped my fingers around my iPod tightly as I pushed it back into the holder and scrolled through to Green Day. American Idiot started blaring in my ears, taking away the memory of Nate fumbling with the condom, replacing it with the memory of Alex’s huge hand wrapped around mine. Back in the parking lot, Alex leaned against a jet-black classic Camaro and half the cheer squad surrounded him. I tried to get the thought of Ashley’s hand on his arm out of my mind as I turned the corner and cranked the iPod louder.

The next four hours I spent cleaning out the exam rooms and the holding areas for the animals, trying my best to get Alex out of my head. Aunt Jamie actually let me stitch up one of the dogs that came in and tried to get me to assist in neutering a cat, but I refused.

It was after 11 by the time she drove me home. Grant sat astute on the front step of the house when we got there, the house completely dark.

“Oh goodness- he is gigantic!” She walked up to him and brushed both her hands down the length of his body. “I’ve never seen a shepherd this big. Maybe you should bring him in.” She tried to pick up one of his paws, but Grant refused like he did every time I tried to put a leash on him. He let her touch him a few times then he had enough and settled next to my feet.

“Are you tired buddy?” I scratched behind his ears as he leaned his head into my side.

“So have you got them to agree to a car yet?” Jamie motioned towards the house.

“No, dad thinks I’m too irresponsible.”

Jamie’s my dad’s little sister; I was closer to her than I had been with my parent’s in recent years. “You are more responsible than any kid I know.”

“I know.” Grant head butted me on my stomach. “I think they still don’t want me going to San Diego.”

“You’re parents are just being protective. You are very special to them.”

“I know.” I didn’t know how else to respond.

Aunt Jamie gave me a hug and then took off. I sat on the porch for several minutes with Grant next to me, enjoying the cool night air on my face and the moonlight casting everything in a bluish tint.

“Come on boy, you ready to go to bed?” I patted his head and led the way to my room wondering what rumors would be flying at school over Alex’s public admission to stalking me.

“You would not believe the day I had.” I spoke quietly. “Jillian and I only have one class together. And I got paired with the most psychotic cheerleader from hell for first period.” I pulled on my tank top and shorts to sleep in. Grant lay in his usual spot at the foot of my bed, intently listening to my drama. I probably needed to ask for a bigger bed since Grant could stretch across the whole width of it and his paws hung off the side. “Did you get bigger while I was at school?” I laughed and pushed his head away as I lay down in bed. He put his face right up to mine, sniffed and then licked the entire side of my face.

“Ewww Grant…” I groaned, now smelling like dog breath and hamburger. I got up and washed my face in the bathroom trying to erase the awful smell. When I climbed back into bed it looked like he would do it again. “Don’t even think about it.” Pressing my hand to his nose, I pushed his face away before he could lick me again.

“I did meet a guy today. Well… sort of, until he was overtaken by the cheerleader harem from hell. Although, I did picture him singing with a monkey and dancing on a flying carpet without a shirt...” Grant gave me a blank look; I’d definitely lost it. He pulled himself further up onto the bed and rested his head close to mine. “You’re the perfect man, aren’t ya?” Grant started snoring long before I was asleep. I rolled away from him and drifted into my own deep slumber, dreaming about getting my own place and moving away from all the drama. I’m not sure whether to call it a dream or a nightmare.

c h a p t e r

FIVE

A few days later I was diligently working on the yellow slips of paper while Courtney worked on changing the color of her toenails… again.

“You’re doing a good job with those.” Mrs. Stone said as she crossed through the office carrying more files. “Ms. Wilcox, if you plan on a passing grade, you should concentrate more on the work than your nails.” Courtney rolled her eyes. “Watch the counter for me?” Mrs. Stone headed down the hallway. Thankfully it had been a quiet morning and I had gotten a big chunk of the yellow forms completed before Courtney’s inquisition started.

“So…” Courtney got up from the desk and started shuffling through a stack of the forms. “Is it true?”

I didn’t turn to look at her. “What are you talking about?”

“You and Alex?”

She wasn’t going to leave me alone so easily.

“What?”

“Paris? Hello? He seems to insist that you two had a fling… or… well whatever. Is it true?”

“I’m not answering that. It’s none of your business.” I almost grinned, but resisted. It ate her up to think that Alex and I may have been an item. She tried hard all week to flirt with him but her advances weren’t returned. Even if he wasn’t interested in me, it brought me joy to know he wasn’t interested in her either.

“Well, I don’t see why he’d lie about having something with you.” She said it like I was such a bad thing. The front desk bell dinged stopping me from telling her to F-off.

“Hi can I help you?” I asked before I even looked at the person standing at the counter. Courtney tossed the yellow sheets on top of the filing cabinet making a mess; more than likely as retaliation for me not spilling my guts to her over Alex.

“Hi. I need to sign in.” His voice strained. The dark brown hair of his bangs barely brushed above his eyebrows, accentuating his perfectly fair skin. He was almost six feet tall, but wasn’t imposing. His hazel green eyes were just a few shades darker than my own, although he would never know that with my blue contacts blocking them. He looked briefly at Courtney behind the desk and then drew his concentrated gaze back to me, stopping a breath from escaping my lips.

“I’m Brandon.” He slid his hand flat on the counter like it was too heavy for him to lift and then held it out to me.

“Hi, I’m Lacey.” It seemed so easy of an introduction, at least for me. I anxiously extended my hand to interlink with his. Warmth rushed through my body as his touch transported us to another place. The world dropped away leaving only Brandon and I. He leaned forward; my breath staggered as he rubbed his cheek against mine. His lips perfectly molded to mine; in that moment my world felt… complete. My knees went limp as I struggled to support myself and maintain the connection with him. My hand still firmly gripped into Brandon’s as he backed away locking eyes with me. His other hand brushed just under my eye.

Remember. His lips barely moved.

“Hey, are you ok?” The world suddenly snapped like a rubber band against my brain. I looked around dazed, the office, the counter, my hand in Brandon’s- all still intact.

“OH I’m sorry.” I yanked my arm back recklessly hitting my hand on the edge of the counter when I misjudged how close I was to it. Stinging pain vibrated through my palm, up my wrist and into my elbow. I grasped my hand tightly as I tried not to grimace over the throbbing pain.

“Where is the class again?” Brandon seemed completely unaffected.

“Sorry, she’s in our special ed classes.” Courtney grabbed his class schedule. I was actually thankful, she didn’t realize she saved me from a lot of embarrassment. I listened to their muffled voices, unable to tell anything they were saying as I walked sleepily back to the desk and settled into the chair.

Courtney flirted and flipped her hair back and forth in front of Brandon’s face. I smiled to myself when he leaned back from the counter and put distance between himself and her. He shifted his eyes to me a few times, but never did say anything further. I carefully examined my hand; there were no marks and no indication of what had just happened. When Alex touched me, I imagined kissing him; but this was so different. This was… real. The taste of his mouth on my lips was sweet, like a freshly opened pack of bubble gum.

Brandon caught my eyes once more and then left the office. “It’s times like those that I SERIOUSLY doubt that you and Alex have even met before. Are you always this stupid around guys?”

Ignoring her I stayed securely seated in the chair. She thumped her high dollar sandal on the floor a few times expecting me to move, but when I didn’t she sat on the desk. Mrs. Stone came back into the office and I asked to go to the Nurse; I was still light headed and dizzy, not to mention incredibly confused by the taste of his lips that still lingered on mine.

I stayed in the Nurse’s office much longer than I had anticipated. By fourth period I was feeling somewhat normal again. I dropped my books off at my locker and headed into Mr. Thompson’s classroom.

“Wow, you look… awful.” Jillian didn’t sugar coat… anything.

“Yeah, thanks.” I kept my head down; it felt like a million partiers were dancing around on my brain. Even the light stung my eyes. “Can I borrow your cell?” I asked Jillian.

“Why? What’s up?” She pulled her phone from her bag and handed it to me under the table so the teacher couldn’t see. Even though class hadn’t started, cell phones were not allowed.

“I want to text my Aunt and let her know I’m going home after class. I’m not feeling so hot.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Anything I can do? Wanna ride home?” Alex loomed over the table. He smelt… sour. I leaned back and fought the urge to gag.

“No, I’m fine. I think I’m getting sick.” I swallowed hard trying to keep myself from throwing up.

“Well, the offer stands for a ride. I saw you walking out of school yesterday. Don’t have any afternoon classes?” Alex’s words echoed in the distance. His brown eyes grew deeper with concern when I didn’t answer.

“I don’t think she got much sleep last night. She volunteers at the clinic with her Aunt and they had a dog come in that had been hit by a car…” Jillian’s voice trailed off. Beads of sweat collected in my hairline and on my neck. THUD THUD THUD- my heart pounded in my chest and through the rest of my body. Then another, much louder, more painful THUD- my head smacked harshly onto the desk.

“Well you better figure out who it is and take care of them before they become an issue.” My eyes strained like they had been shut for days as I fluttered them open to the sound of voices. A stinging pain vibrated my forehead. The last thing I remember was passing out. My father and mother’s voice muffled by my closed door; I could hear part of what my father said, but there was another, much stronger voice in the hallway.

“If they’ve already made contact, then the time has already started.”

“Don’t be stupid, they wouldn’t have already approached her. It’s only the first week of her senior year. You are over reacting. She is probably just sick.” As I lifted slightly from the bed, I tried my best not to alert them.

“You haven’t noticed the changes? Look, we are glad you are here to help but…” then the floor creaked under my weight. The voices outside went silent. I sat back on the bed just as my mother opened the door.

“Honey, you’re awake!” Her eyes were red.

“Why were you crying?” I whispered as she sat next to me.

“I’ve…” She hesitated and looked at my father. “I was just worried about you.”

“What were you guys talking about?” I asked bluntly. My father wouldn’t look me in the eye. Then the source of the third voice came into view- Alex.

“How are you feeling?” He strode into my room, not looking the least bit out of place. “You scared the crap out of me. First we were talking… the next thing I knew…” He motioned with his arm mimicking falling and smacked one hand into the other. “I’m sure your head hurts like hell.”

“What are you doing here?” Not that I didn’t want him here, but I was devastatingly aware that he was how I got home… in my passed out state.

“He was nice enough to bring you home. It’s good to finally meet one of your boyfriends. We were starting to wonder if we ever would.” My mother’s eager tone embarrassed me. I couldn’t look at Alex.

I leaned into her shoulder and mumbled. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Ok I guess that’s my queue to go. Ummm…” Alex hesitated, he sounded nervous. Guys like Alex don’t get nervous or at least I didn’t think so. “Do you want me to get your homework tomorrow?” Homework? Was he for real?

“No, I’ll be back at school tomorrow. This is just a bug… it’ll pass.” I wished I could convince myself. Then again, maybe another day at home would be a good idea; I’m sure I’d have a big fat bruise from my desk and head colliding.

Alex shoved both of his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. The room grew silent and filled with tension.

“Ok, well…” Mom stood swiftly and grabbed dad’s hand. “We will just give you two a minute.”

Alex waited until they were both out of the room to come and sit on the bed next to me. There was plenty of room, but he still sat close enough that my thigh and his touched each other. The strange smell from earlier overtook my senses and I just wished it would stop. I wouldn’t want to throw up if he tried to make a move right now.

“I hope you are ok. I mean you did freak me out.” Alex pulled one of my hands into his. Images from the first time he held my hand flooded my mind and I could see his full lips overtaking mine. My overactive imagination had us both ripping off our clothes with my parents downstairs.

My skin grew hot as he rubbed circles with his fingers on the back of my hand. “I’ve never passed out like that before. I think I didn’t get enough sleep.” I barely concentrated on my words. I just hoped I made sense right now.

“Maybe you should lie back down?” He said in a much deeper voice that made my heart race, but not in a good way.

“I think I’d like to shower first.” I didn’t want to embarrass myself anymore today and if I was reading his signals wrong, this could turn into a catastrophe.

The room went silent again for a few seconds when Alex’s powerful hand pulled my chin up to look him in the eyes. “I’m throwing a party at my house tomorrow night. Will you come?”

My breathing strained, I barely choked out, “Yes.” My mind scrambled over every imagined encounter I’ve had about him since the day we met. His hands, lips, eyes, chiseled back, arms, every part of his body rushed through my mind and not in that order.

Alex grinned, “You know, this whole asking you out thing would be easier on me if I knew you were truly oblivious to how beautiful you are.” STOP. That’s pretty much what my mind, heart, and lungs did. He just called me beautiful.

“Are you messing with me?” I hesitated, almost losing my nerve for what I wanted to say next. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered… actually… I’m a little floored. Why would you want to ask me out?”

Alex’s smile overtook his face and he looked down at the ground half laughing as he said, “Ok, so you are oblivious.” He rubbed one finger down my cheek, across my jaw line and then rested it on my lips. He slowly licked his bottom lip; if I was sick before, I’m not remembering that now.

I swear I hallucinated his head and body lean towards mine, it couldn’t be happening. My eyes grew wide as the reality hit me, his full inviting lips softly pressed against mine. Lacey you idiot! You’re eyes are supposed to be closed now. My head screamed. I obeyed squeezing them shut tightly as his hands claimed either side of my face and the world stopped turning. His tongue brushed with mine, the overwhelming smell from earlier intensified and I shrugged it off, praying that I didn’t get sick right now. Alex’s hand trailed down my face and neck to slide across my collarbone. My head was full of incoherent thoughts as I barely breathed in and out.

I pulled away from him. My mind won the battle; my body cursed me.

“Sorry.” Alex’s skin turned a fantastic shade of pink. “I didn’t mean…” He paused and took in a deep breath. “So, tomorrow?” All I could do was nod my head yes.

A few hours later, after my stomach was no longer churning and the taste of Alex’s kiss was gone, I picked up the phone to call Jillian. I slid into my favorite t-shirt and lounge pants and let Grant in from the backyard.

“Hey girl.” I started talking before I was fully up the stairs, Grant moving slowly behind me.

“OK- I want to hear all about it! Alex INSISTED on bringing you home!”

“I know! He met my parents and invited me to a party at his house tomorrow.”

“Seriously? He asked you out?” Jillian’s voice trembled through the phone.

“Yeah…” Grant strained to get on the bed. “Hold on Jill. Grant?” I ran my hand across his head. “Are you ok boy?”

“What’s wrong with your monster?” Jillian said.

“I’m not sure, he’s just moving slowly.”

“Did you stop feeding him the hamburger and rice?”

“Yeah, yesterday.”
Jillian started laughing, “Then he is probably starving.”

Determined to make him feel better, I headed back down to the kitchen and pulled out some hamburger. Surprisingly, my parents had gone to dinner together and I had the house all to myself.

“So I didn’t tell you, but Alex kissed me.” I said as I watched the hamburger rotate in the microwave.

“Oh my god!” Jillian’s voice higher now. I started laughing. “You have to tell me everything! Tongue? No Tongue? Long? Short? Hard or Soft?”

“Ok Ok.” I poured the hamburger into the bowl with the rice and set it on the floor. “He told me that I was beautiful and said that I must be oblivious to it. Then suddenly his hand was on my cheek and his lips… it was amazing.” I hesitated; Grant wasn’t eating. “Grant you need to eat boy.” Instead the dog came over and laid his head in my lap.

“Will you stop talking to the dog and tell me about the kiss!”

“Sorry, Grant must have a bug like I had earlier. Come on.” I walked Grant back up the stairs to my room and claimed my normal spot on the bed as he gingerly pulled himself next to me. “Ok, so where was I?”

“How was it? Did you feel weak in the knees?”

“Yeah, well, sort of. His tongue was really smooth. I swear the world stopped spinning.” I giggled at my own admission. I still hadn’t told her about my interlude with Brandon. “I felt like I was going to get sick though. It was strange.”

“What? A guy like Alex is kissing you and you get… sick?”

“Yeah. Strange but I just… he smelled funny to me.”

“Like RANK?”

“No- just… wrong. I can’t explain it. I think it is just this bug I’m fighting. I told him I’d go to his party.”

“Do you think he would mind if I come too?”

I hesitated. “I’ll ask him in class tomorrow.”

“Don’t you think it’s going to be strange seeing him in class? I mean, after he kissed you and asked you out?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Brandon flashed in my mind. I had seen him less than five minutes and somehow he clouded my memories. Grant groaned and stretched putting most of his body across my legs. “You know, this morning this guy was in the office…”

“ANOTHER one?” Jillian laughed. “Stacking ‘em up aren’t you?”

“It wasn’t like that. I just… he…” How do you tell your best friend that you kissed someone without kissing them?

“Ok so are you going to finish the story or is it like a fill in the blank type Mad-Lib story?”

I searched for an explanation that wouldn’t make me sound nuts. “It was strange. I dreamed that I kissed him.”

“When you passed out? Who? The guy this morning or Alex? I’m confused.” She rambled off in her hyper- I’m going to Disneyland voice.

“No, not Alex.” I paused again. I don’t want to tell her. “It’s nothing. The guy this morning was just as cute as Alex and I just had a vision of Brandon kissing me when I met him, you know, like I did when I met Alex.”

“Ahhh…” Jillian laughed. “Alex has competition.”

“Jillian get serious. That’s not what is going on. I’m going out with Alex. I don’t know what happened with Brandon.” The front door opened. “Hey my folks are home. I’ll talk to you later.” I really had no idea what else to say, so I thought it was best to leave it at that.

c h a p t e r

SIX

My first three classes were a blur of quizzes and gossiping cheerleaders. I didn’t do any filing in the office this morning; I left it for Courtney to do. I rushed to Econ hoping that Alex would show up before Jillian, but no such luck. They came through the door at the same time, laughing and talking to each other.

“So I’ll pick you up at 8 tonight?” Alex smiled as he set his bag on the table. “Jill you can get there anytime after 8. I would offer to pick you up… but that may be a little weird.” He gave me his amazing grin and ran his fingers down the length of mine making my heart do summersaults while Ashley glared at us.

“Ok class.” Mr. Thompson called us to order. Alex pulled his chair to rest against the front of my table, he didn’t turn to face me, but he was as close as he could get given the circumstances. Jillian looked at me and winked when she realized the daggers Ashley was sending my way.

After Econ was over Alex offered me a ride to the clinic and I nervously accepted. He pulled the door to the beautiful car open and took my hand to help me inside. When the car rumbled to life, I finally got the nerve to ask him. “What should I wear tonight? I mean, what type of party is it?”

“You could show up in your PJ’s and that would be fine with me.” Alex rubbed his fingers down the length of my arm and claimed my hand. Chills rushed up my arm under his touch; he grinned making me wonder if he could sense my inexperience. “Whatever you decide to wear…” He lifted my hand to his face and brushed his lips to the back as a sigh escaped my lips. “…will be fine with me. I want you to be comfortable.”

The ride to the clinic was entirely too quick. We sat out front of the clinic for several moments before either of us moved. When I finally reached for the door, he tugged at my arm pulling me back across the console towards him. Alex’s free hand ran up my neck to brush his thumb against my jaw. My mind blanked out as my body shook slightly.

You’re so beautiful. He whispered as he pressed his cheek against mine then touched my lips with his. Alex’s kiss was slow and mesmerizing. His tongue enticed me to open my mouth and allow more and without hesitation I did. His hands began to roam, as I stayed focused on the kiss, desperate to make it the best one he’s ever had. When Alex pulled back, it made me wonder if I had done something wrong. But his eyes were glowing and he was breathing just as heavy as I was, giving me hope that I had at least done something right.

“I think your Aunt is watching.” Briefly I looked over at the window to see my Aunt release the mini blinds. I shrugged as I turned back to him.

I leaned forward craving more of him; being bolder than I’d ever been. Thankfully Alex came forward to kiss me again. I was only slightly aware that it was still daylight outside and the windows of the car weren’t tinted. Alex linked his hand around mine and pulled it towards him to rest on his chest.

The kiss didn’t last nearly long enough. He pulled back from me and grinned, as I got embarrassed for wanting more. “I’ll pick you up at 8.”

“Who was the boy you were with?” My Aunt asked as I lifted a poodle onto the table for her to examine.

“That was Alex.” I wasn’t self-conscious when I kissed him, but right now I felt like I was going to burst into flames.

“I’ve never heard of him before…” She raised her eyebrow.

“He’s new. He just moved here this week.” I tried to deflect her questioning as I started to clean the dog’s teeth.

It didn’t work.

“He’s been here a week?” Jamie stopped tending to the dog.

“Yeah.” Can I wave a white flag now?

“And you’re making out with him like that?” Her eyes got wider.

I hadn’t thought of it that way. I didn’t know anything about Alex and the first time he kissed me I felt… repulsed. Now I was even more embarrassed that my Aunt was questioning my make out session… with a stranger. “I don’t know.” I was just hoping she would let the subject die now. But again, she didn’t.

“Do your parent’s now about him? I mean… he didn’t even look like a high school student.”

“Yeah they know him. He brought me home after I passed out at school.”

“Ohhh so it’s that boy.”

“Mom and Dad told you?”

Aunt Jamie smirked and started to laugh. “Yeah. They told me about him. He is a very handsome young man. You have a date tonight?”

“Alex invited me to a party. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a date.” I responded trying hard not to show my excitement.

“I would.” She smiled as she took over cleaning the dog’s teeth. “He sounds like a great guy… and he’s gorgeous.”

I escaped to the cat kennels to retrieve Mr. Tinkles, the McMillan’s tabby cat. I’ve never gotten along with this particular feline and today wasn’t going to be any different. Slowly opening the cage, I waited for the cat to stop hissing and clawing at me.

“Stop you stupid cat.” I wondered if I could refuse to treat cats when I got my Veterinary License. I grabbed the cat a little rough around the ribs and felt the cat lurch. “Stop. Tinkles. Stop.” After trying to wrangle the cat for several minutes, he got free and ran all over the room causing all the other cats to start to hiss and claw at the doors of their cages.

“Ok, OK!” Mr. Tinkles finally perched himself high on top of the shelves. I waited for him to make the first move, but when I shifted back on my heels, the damn cat pounced straight down on top of me. Fury ripped through me as the cat’s claws dug deep into the thin skin over my breastplate. Without thinking, I grabbed the cat around the scruff of the neck and tossed it forcefully at the wall. I had never done anything to harm any animal…ever. The cat hit the wall, bounced off and then scurried under the cabinet.

Hanging my head in shame as tears formed in my eyes, I shuffled down the hallway towards Aunt Jamie’s office to confess my sins. My t-shirt stained with my own blood and more trickling through by the minute. “I had a…”

“Oh shit! What happened?” Jamie jumped up from her desk and started to pull my shirt over my head. The large scratches and the big hole in my chest sent a thin line of blood down between my breasts.

“I had a run in with Mr. Tinkles.” I said as more tears formed. “He clawed me and I threw him against the wall. I’m afraid he’s hurt.”

“Ok, Ok. Don’t worry about it.” I didn’t know what had gotten into me, the poor cat. “I’m sure the cat is fine. They have nine lives… remember?” She smiled as I let out a small laugh.

“Don’t try to make me feel better.” She tried to cheer me up by making funny faces, but nothing could make me smile once the burn from the antiseptic came.

“I guess you won’t be wearing anything too revealing tonight.” I looked in the mirror to see my face red from tears, my hair disheveled and large pink marks running from my collarbone almost to my breasts. The cat had clawed me worse than I thought. Aunt Jamie finished covering each of my opened wounds with medicine and gauze; I winced each time she applied more antiseptic. “Go ahead and get going. Put some peroxide on it later before you go out. It’ll help.”

Yeah, right. I thought. I might as well pour straight alcohol onto the wounds too. I walked back to the house shuffling my feet the whole way. I’d have to call first thing in the morning to make sure the cat was ok.

I jumped in the shower being mindful not to get the water on the over abundance of gauze my Aunt put all over my chest. It looked like I was ready for Halloween and going to the party as a mummy.

It took me almost an hour to decide to wear my crystal blue v-neck wrap top with dark blue jeans and black heels. This was dressier than I normally was, but you could still see the top of the pink scratches. I grabbed some cover up and called for mom to help me. Mom came through the doorway with Grant on her heels.

“WOW. You look wonderful.” My hair was down and slightly curled at the ends to let it bounce freely. My blue contacts were even more accentuated by the shirt.

“Thanks. Can you help me with this?” I held up the tube of makeup. Grant came over and whined at my feet almost causing me lose my balance. I wasn’t steady in the high heels as it was, but I wanted to wear them so I wouldn’t be so short compared to Alex. Not to mention they made me feel sexy.

Mom made quick work of applying the concealer to the lines on my chest. “He is going to be blown away.” Mom said; she tended to over exaggerate. She walked over to my jewelry box and pulled out my heart pendent necklace and diamond earrings dad gave me for my sixteenth birthday. “Just a few finishing touches.” She helped me put the necklace and earrings on. “So…” Mom hesitated and I looked at her in the reflection of the mirror. Grant sprawled across my bed. “Aunt Jamie said she…”

Oh no. She told mom about my make out session. I knew where this is going. I needed to head off the talk. “Mom I don’t want to have the sex talk right now.” My parents didn’t know that I had already lost my virginity. I hadn’t even had a boyfriend really for all they knew.

“I know you don’t. But it’s important for you to know that we know it’s going to happen for you sometime… and if it’s with Alex…” Mom hesitated. It was painfully apparent that this conversation would happen now.

“Look, I just want you to know that sometimes we don’t mean for things to happen, and then they do. If you determine that Alex is the one, well, your father and I think he’s nice and we’d like to get to know him better. If that is what you want. We know you are a senior and you are going to start making very important relationships that are going to last.”

I’m not sure what would last. Next year I’d be in San Diego. I didn’t plan on getting serious with anyone. Alex sort of came out of nowhere. Grant groaned and rolled over on the bed to look at me upside down. Maybe I could find an apartment that would let me at least take him with me. I reached over and scratched his belly and rubbed his head. “Yes Grant, I love you too.” Mom gave me a knowing look; she knew I was strategically changing the subject on her.

“You know I love your dog, but your dad wants him gone.”

“I know I’ve put up signs and put ads in the paper. No one has responded.”

“Well, maybe it’s time to start looking for a home for him.” Grant let out a small, low growl that I could’ve sworn only I heard. Mom went un-phased. “You know how your dad feels about having pets. Having Tippy was a fluke.”

“Mom, I don’t want to get rid of him. Can’t we at least keep him with us until I go to college?”

“You are still insistent on going to San Diego?”

“Mom, we already talked about this.”

“I know. I was just hoping you changed your mind.”

No chance.

“I have to finish getting ready.” I went back to my bathroom to finish with my makeup. Mom left and Grant got up to follow her. The doorbell rang and my father’s voice echoed up the stairs calling for me to hurry up. I wasn’t sure that I was really ready for tonight, but I couldn’t back out now.

c h a p t e r

SEVEN

Alex looked like a male model straight out of Vogue with a dark black t-shirt and crisp new jeans. ”Wow.” He outstretched his hand to reveal a bouquet of orchids with red roses and lilies mixed in. They were the most vibrant, beautiful flowers I had ever seen. “For you.”

“Thank you.” I said feeling uncomfortable from my Dad’s prying eyes.

“It’s good to see you again Alex. Don’t be a stranger. Do you like to fish?” Dad loved to fish, but hadn’t been in years.

“I haven’t been fishing since I was a kid. But if you have a trip planned…”

“We’ll have to talk!” Dad said upbeat. The ever-present bags under his eyes were less pronounced tonight. Mom came walking out of the kitchen with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of tea. I glanced at Alex hoping he would tell them we needed to get going. I slightly raised my shoulder, hoping he would get the hint. Alex reached out and took my hand.

“We really need to get going. I told Jillian she could come too.” Thank you
Alex. Both my parents looked disappointed.

“Home by 1. Ok?” Dad said to Alex.

“Yes sir.” Alex shook my dad’s hand and then we were out the door.

“Well, that was strange.” I mumbled, thankful to be free from the house.

“What happened to your chest?” Damn. Even with the makeup, he realized the cat had attacked me.

“I had a run in with a rather wrangly cat.” I tried to laugh it off. There was no way I would tell him what I had done.

“I hate cats.” I was so thankful to hear that. “There’s just something about them. You can’t trust them. They don’t listen, you can’t train them.” He rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand making it hard for me to think about anything but the feeling of his skin. “Don’t get me wrong, I love animals. But I’m more of a dog person.”

“Me too.” I respond trying to fight the warmth spreading through me.

“Guess we have one more thing in common.”

I forced myself to pay attention. “One more thing?”

“Yeah, I listened to your iPod when I brought you home the other day.” He looked at me sheepishly. “Sorry, I know some people see that as a violation of privacy. I just wondered what you’re always listening to.” He spied on me… well… sort of. Should I feel violated or excited that he was curious enough to browse through my iPod while I was passed out? Alex was silent waiting for me to respond to his sneakiness.

I hesitated, not sure that I was really offended. “So, what on there did you like?”

“Everything, actually.” He squeezed my hand. “I like Blink, Green Day, Plain White T’s, Avenged Sevenfold, Linkin Park, Lit.” Alex named off every band on my favorites list. “I have a few bands that I think you’ll like too. I’ll have to bring you copies.”

Uncomfortable in the silence, we made small talk all the way to his house. Alex said he had lived in many countries including England and France. He confided his parent’s were dead and his Grandparents primarily raised him. He emancipated himself last year when he decided he wanted to have a normal high school experience for his senior year.

“So why did you come to California?”

“I have Aunts and Uncles that live not far from here. I wanted to be close to my cousin’s. You wouldn’t know it, but we are actually a really close nit family. What about you? Is it just you and your folks?”

“Pretty much. Well, my parents and my Aunt Jamie. My mother’s family died before I was born.”

“What about Grandparents? Other Uncles or Cousins?”

“I know my Grandmother on my dad’s side. I don’t see her often, but she is nice enough. My Aunt doesn’t have any children and she isn’t married.”

“Is she seeing anyone? I have a cousin…”

“I’m not sure I really want to set up my Aunt with someone.” I grinned thinking how weird that would be.

Alex winked. “Guess I’ll have to work on you.”

We pulled into a gated complex one city over from Brookefield. Alex’s condo had large vases of fresh flowers everywhere that looked like the ones he gave me tonight. The condo was two stories and there were more people here than I had seen at any high school party. I felt horribly underdressed and unprepared.

“I thought you said this was your party?” Servers crisscrossed the floor as guests sipped wine and ate designer appetizers that I couldn’t pronounce; others were slow dancing gracefully by the large windows in the living room.

“It is.” Alex smiled. “Let me introduce you to some people.” Classical music played from the surround sound speakers that hung from the walls. I followed complacently behind him trying not to fidget as he introduced more than a half of a dozen people including a girl named Kayla and a boy, Brent. He said both were his cousins. The last woman he introduced me to was a striking red head with harsh features and bright blue eyes.

“Sophie, this is Lacey. She is my lovely date this evening.” She had a long black dress on with a slit up the side that left little to the imagination.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. We hope you have a great time at our party.” OUR?

She continued, “Tonight is a celebration.”

Before I could ask Sophie what she meant, Alex pulled me away from her. “Come on. Let’s dance.” He led me over to the large white dance floor in front of the windows. Alex looped his hand easily around my back; butterflies formed in my stomach as we started to slow dance to the music amongst the other couples. Alex’s body pressed firmly to mine, his warm breath swooping down the length of my neck by my ear. When a waiter passed us Alex took two glasses of red wine from him and offered me one. I refused.

“This isn’t like getting drunk. Here. It’s fine.” Alex lifted his own glass to his lips and then eased the other cup to my lips. I took a deep breath of the earthy, musty liquid and then a small sip. The liquid was cool on my lips and then went down my throat smoothly. It wasn’t like anything I had ever experienced before. “See? Beautiful… just like you.” I took several more sips and before I realized, I had my second glass in hand and was drinking from it.

The rest of the night was a strange blend of slow dancing, alcohol and appetizers that were good regardless of their funky names. Jillian never showed up and I didn’t know anyone else at the party other than Alex. But his presence was irresistible; in my drunken state I caught myself more than once breathing close at his neck and his shoulder. One time Alex caught me and I buried my face deeper into his shoulder.

“Don’t be embarrassed.” He whispered and gently pulled my face up to his. All I wanted to do was kiss him but my head couldn’t get my body to move. As if Alex could read my mind, he wrapped my arms around his neck and lowered his head down to secure my lips with his. He slowly rubbed his tongue against my lips mixing the taste of his wine with mine.

Before I could object, Alex whisked me off the dance floor to a candle-lit room. Dozens and dozens of flowers lined the huge bedroom. The bed had crisp white sheets and the room was impeccably neat with various art works on the walls. To say I was surprised this was his bedroom would be an understatement. “Come here.” Alex pulled me towards the bed. When he laid me back the room started spinning; I blinked several times trying to steady myself. Alex positioned his body next to mine and my heart accelerated to the point of hyperventilating. I started to speak but he stopped me. “Shhh… just breathe…” Alex buried his face in my neck and his hands were quickly untying my shirt. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rubbed the stubble on his face; it scratched the palm of my hand making me aware that his body shifted closer to mine. When he reached down and pulled off his shirt, I hoped I’d remember this tomorrow. In fact, I seriously hoped I didn’t do anything foolish considering my lack of experience in this department and my drunkenness.

You’re perfect. Alex pants pulling off my shirt. I’m not going to argue with him now as his fingers trace the edges of my bra against my skin. You’re so beautiful. His voice was smooth as the wine coming out of the darkness. When Alex’s lips came back to mine he was breathless and I could barely tell I had hands. Is this your first time? Oh no. He noticed. I might as well have said yes. This was the first time I’ve done it that has counted. The first… well… it wasn’t like this.

No… I whispered. I thought if I told him this was my second time ever, he might not want to continue. But I’ve never felt this way before.

I haven’t either. He responded. But I found it hard to believe. Relax. I’m going to take care of you.
Don’t be nervous.

Alex’s body hovered over mine as he gently kissed my lips; his hands roamed my body. I felt dizzy. My head swirled with everything that had happened in the past week that led me to get drunk and end up in bed with him. I couldn’t focus on what Alex’s mouth was doing. He felt weightless on top of me. The world once again completely melted away. There was no reality, no light, no sound. And through the silence came a voice whispering easily in my ear- REMEMBER. I whisked back to Brandon’s hand on mine, his lips, memories of us… memories of much more than kissing; images of places I’ve never been, things I’ve never done.

Warmth from these memories spread through me; destroying any feelings I had for Alex. Instantly I sobered, gaining the strength for what I knew I had to do.

“Stop.” I said firmly, but I know it sounded more like Snwap. I pushed at Alex’s shoulders, now fully aware of the weight of his body. “No.” I said more firmly as his tongue traced circles up my neck. The horrible smell came back making my stomach churn, I had to get away; if I didn’t I would throw up on him. I thrashed urgently under his weight.

Relax. He repeated. Shhh… this is meant to be.

“No, it’s not.” Finally getting out from under him, I stumbled across the room struggling to get my footing. I slid off my heels and held them tightly to my chest wondering what I should say and knowing I would regret this tomorrow. “I’m sorry.” I said and backed out of the room. The look on Alex’s face killed me; he looked so disappointed. Hurting Alex was the last thing I wanted to do, but it didn’t feel right. I must be crazy for passing up something amazing with Alex for something imagined with Brandon- a guy that I knew even less about.

Stumbling out to the sidewalk, I was thankful that a cab was nearby. I gave the driver my address, sank down in the seat and folded my arms across my chest. I was half naked having left my shirt on Alex’s bed. The driver stopped a few blocks from my house and I asked him if he had a jacket I could borrow, but he didn’t. Walking with my heels clutched to my chest I avoided the lighted circles on the sidewalks. The last thing I needed was one of the neighbors telling my parents I came home half dressed. I hoped it was late enough that my parent’s were in bed. All the lights in the house were off as I turned to walk up the pathway to our house and almost fell over Grant. He laid in the shadows, half on and half off the path.

Ohhh. GRANT! I tried to whisper, but with how cloudy my head was, I could’ve been yelling. My mind was playing tricks on me as thoughts of Alex on top of me were morphing into more realistic images of Brandon. I just wanted it all to stop. I felt like I was moving, but I wasn’t, or at least I hadn’t been. Or maybe I didn’t think I was moving… well that was until I hit the grass.

I awoke the next morning surprisingly more relaxed than I had ever been. I stretched my arms up and over my head expecting to feel grass and dirt; instead I felt the smooth cotton of my pillow. My fingers brushed against my headboard and the sun shone perfectly through the sheer curtains on my window. Grant snored peacefully next to me. I pulled myself quietly off the bed trying not to wake him and went into the bathroom. I expected to look terrible with bags under my eyes or bloodshot, but I looked perfect with my favorite tank top and shorts on. Maybe falling onto the grass was a dream or maybe the whole night was. Scratch that- I knew I couldn’t be that lucky.

It was already 9am. Both of my parent’s were talking in the kitchen. I wasn’t ready to face their scrutiny yet. I grabbed the phone. I had two calls to make: Jamie to find out about Mr. Tinkles and Jillian to find out where the hell she was last night. More importantly why she insisted on coming if she just planned on bailing anyway.

Jamie was the easier call. I curled back up in my bed and lazily rubbed Grant’s back as I dialed her phone number.

“Hey, good morning.”

“I didn’t think I’d hear from you so early.” Jamie laughed. “How was your date?”

“It was interesting. I don’t know if we’ll go out again though.”

“You seemed pretty hot and heavy yesterday… what happened?”

I hesitated; this wasn’t really something I wanted to share with her. Although I don’t think I’d spare any details that I could remember, with Jillian. Well, maybe not.

“Do you ever just have one of those feelings like something isn’t right?”

There was an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the phone. “Jamie?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Jamie’s voice seemed strained.

“What’s wrong?”

“There’s this thing on the news. Yeah, I know what you are talking about. I guess you can’t force things. So… should I assume there is another guy?”

No- I’m not going there. She’d think I’d lost my mind. “No, not really.”

“You don’t sound too positive.” She pried. I didn’t like prying.

“No there isn’t another guy. Alex and I just didn’t click. It felt like he was trying to hard.”

“That’s a shame. I’m sure you’ll find someone wonderful.” I barely listened to what she was saying. I had a connection with another boy already; even though I’m not sure if it was real or not.

“Hey I have to jump off here. It’s time for breakfast. I’ll see you Monday.” I immediately dialed Jillian. “Hey! Where were you last night?”

“I was there, but you and Alex never showed. I figured you got distracted on the way. It was a raging party though! I had a blast. Justin was there and so were Courtney and Thomas. Justin and I made fun of them all night. Nate showed up, so I thought it was better that you didn’t.” I knew I wasn’t drunk when I got to the party and I didn’t see any of those people there

“What?”

“The party? How come you didn’t show up?” I thought about the drive to his house, the look of the condo, the wine, the immaculate bedroom- he took me somewhere else.

“We went to a party. But it was at one of his relatives houses, I think.”

“So… any magic happen?” She giggled. My stomach felt queasy and I didn’t want to tell her what happened. Plus I can’t explain why he would take me to a stuffy party with wine and classic music instead of a party filled with beer and crazy drunk high schoolers.

“Hey I have to go, mom’s calling.” I lied. “I’ll call you in a bit and tell you everything that happened.” Another lie. I don’t think I will tell her about almost going all the way with Alex and then stopping for Brandon. She’d say I was nuts and I’d never live it down.

c h a p t e r

EIGHT

Alex is sitting on my desk in Econ when I breeze in the door close to the bell. I considered ditching so I wouldn’t have to face him. To my surprise, his face lit up the moment he saw me. “Hey beautiful.” Alex placed his hand on my hip and leaned in to kiss my neck just below my ear sending cold chills down my spine. “How was the rest of your weekend?”

OK. Not the response I expected. I expected him to be mad, rejected or upset at my drunk and very apparent turn down. But instead he seemed… cheerful. “It was… blurry.”

Alex whispered, “Sorry about the alcohol. I shouldn’t have pushed. Please forgive me.” He sounded sincere. Maybe my hesitation was the alcohol on Friday, because right now I want to pull his face to mine and kiss him. Before I knew it my body leaned into his and…

“Ok, everyone take your seats. Mr. Morris, Ms. Quinn… Do you mind?” Mr. Thompson cleared his throat. Alex’s hands tightly gripped to my sides; my arms looped around his neck. The rumors that had swirled were just confirmed for the world to see. Alex and I were an item. No, it didn’t start in Paris… but it started. I buried my head into Alex’s chest wanting to avoid the subject all together as the weight of all the eyes in the room fell on us.

“Sorry Mr. Thompson. It was a long weekend.” Alex laughed as he tightened the grip on my waist stopping me from swaying. He kissed the top of my head, as my skin got hotter. He whispered- “Don’t be embarrassed. They’re just jealous.”

Adding to my embarrassment, Mr. Thompson wouldn’t start class until we were both in our seats. Alex turned in his chair slightly and dared Mr. Thompson to say something about him taking my hand in his across the desk. Courtney and Ashley both glared at us. Jillian looked at our hands locked tightly with each other but didn’t say anything. I’m sure she would rake me across hot coals later, digging for all the juicy information. So much for thinking Alex and I weren’t going anywhere.

After class Alex pulled me from the classroom towards the parking lot with Jillian lingering behind us. “Want me to drive you to your Aunt’s?” Alex asked, but we were already almost to his car.

“Hey Lacey?” Jillian asked from behind us. I tugged at Alex’s arm.

“Yeah?” Students passed us on either side as Jillian got closer to me.

“Can I drive you today instead? I need to talk to you about something.”

“You can come with us.” Alex said before I could respond.

“Thanks for the offer Alex, but… it’s girl stuff.” Jillian accentuated girl stuff and Alex flexed his fingers around mine.

Alex peered at Jillian for a minute, making me very uncomfortable. Jillian was my best friend- she should come first. I was about to pull my hand away but then he smiled. “Ahhh… something tells me I don’t want to know. Can you call me after you get off work?” Good choice Alex.

“I’ll call you.” I said and he gave me that look that turned me into mush. I felt light headed all over again as he kissed me. More students were staring at Alex’s very public, very sensual display of affection. By the end of tomorrow the rumors will probably have us engaged and moving in with each other.

“Promise?” Alex touched his forehead to mine. “Maybe I could pick you up after work?” I didn’t respond. “We could go get something to eat? What time are you off?”

“I’m off at 7 tonight. But I don’t think my parent’s will let me go out on a school night.”

“I could always pick you up and take you home.” Alex still pushed the issue. Something in my gut told me to say no.

But I didn’t. “Sure. I’d like that.” I said just before his lips were back to mine again and his hands ran down the length of my arms.

“I’ll see you at 7. Bye Jillian, see you tomorrow.” Alex flashed his knee-buckling grin and headed towards his car.

“Ok… so you said you didn’t think there would be anything.”

“I didn’t.” I mean, after all I did leave him half naked with a hard on just two nights ago.

“Why didn’t you think there would be anything?”

My jaw clenched; I was going to have to tell her the whole story. We walked arm in arm to her car and I waited until we were pulling out of the parking lot to start telling her the tragic events from Friday.

“I got drunk with Alex and ended up in bed with him. I turned him down and I figured he’d be pissed.” I gave her the condensed version, wanting mostly to minimize her scrutiny.

“WHAT?” Jillian reacted just as I assumed she would. “Are you crazy? Why did you turn him down?”

“Brandon.” Oh boy. Shouldn’t have said that.

“See, I knew he had competition.” Jillian laughed as we pulled onto the street leading to the clinic. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. I didn’t find this the least bit funny. “Brandon was at the party? So what did he say?”

“No he wasn’t there. I haven’t talked to him. I haven’t even seen him.” I mumbled. Not wanting to admit to her that Brandon had a staring role in my dreams only.

Jillian looked puzzled as we waited our turn at the stop sign. “Are you feeling ok? I mean, seriously? You turned down Alex for someone you haven’t even talked to? You’re crazy.”

I already knew that. Alex was a great guy, a great kisser and I’m sure even great at the activity that I so stupidly, and drunkenly, stopped. “Maybe it was the alcohol.” At least I knew he wasn’t mad at my retreat from him on Friday night and technically I had another date with him tonight… well sort of.

“Speaking of alcohol…” Jillian put the car in park in front of the clinic. “I slept with Justin on Friday night.” My mouth fell open. We had known Justin since the fifth grade and always considered him a major geek.

“SERIOUSLY? Why didn’t you tell me on Saturday?”

“I wanted to tell you in person.” She hesitated playing with the keys in the ignition… “And I kind of thought you’d tell me that you slept with Alex first. That way I wouldn’t feel like such a hoe.”

We sat in silence for several moments. “Well… was it better than the first time at least?”

Jillian started laughing, “It was worse actually!” We got interrupted when Michelle, the receptionist for the clinic, came out and told me they needed my help. I wanted to continue talking to Jillian, but didn’t want to keep my Aunt waiting.

Jillian asked before I got out to the car, “What are you going to do about Alex?”

I looked at the clinic and slipped back into the car to keep the conversation private. “I don’t know. I mean, the feeling is there and trust me I wasn’t sure I wanted to stop on Friday. But like today it made me a little uncomfortable that he just assumed that I wanted him to drive me and that I’d be ok with him picking me up.”

Jillian grinned, “Just means he is aggressive, he knows what he wants. Shit I’d die if a guy looked at me the way he looked at you today in class. The way he kissed you made ME blush.” Jillian’s eyes got really big and we both started laughing.

“Ok I have to go.” I hugged her.

“Call me tonight after Alex drops you off.”

At 6:59 the familiar rumbling of his Camaro shook the clinic’s windows. I already told Aunt Jamie that I couldn’t stay tonight because Alex was driving me home. She winked and said “young love.” My Aunt was a pretty woman who said she was too busy to date, but she seemed really interested in my love life.

Alex knocked twice on the door then came in like he owned the place. “Hey beautiful.” He had another bouquet of flowers and was wearing another new pair of jeans with a dark blue shirt that was tight around his biceps.

Wow. Michelle whispered as she ducked out of sight leaving Alex and me alone in the lobby.

“Hey, how was your day?”

Alex’s gorgeous brown eyes looked black in the dimly lit lobby. He looked around like he was confirming we were alone then lowered his head to mine. His arm snaked around the small of my back as he pressed his body against me. “Better now.” He responded making me feel weak. He brushed his lips across mine as I took in a deep breath and let out a small sigh; finding myself easily mesmerized by him again. “Are you ready to go?” I was expecting him to kiss me, but when he didn’t I was more than disappointed.

“Yeah, let me get my bag.” I said feeling dejected as I reached for my bag, but his hand was on the strap before mine.

“Let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me down the walkway to his car. I barely had enough time to wave goodbye to my Aunt, whose eyes were now bigger than two half dollars.

“No run ins with wily cats tonight huh?” Alex said as he maneuvered the car out onto the street.

I’m half embarrassed that he remembered that from Friday. I guess it was better he brought that up instead of how I left him drunk and half naked. “No thank goodness Mr. Tinkles went home this morning.”

“If you ask me, owning cats should be… outlawed.” I couldn’t tell if he was joking. “You know, an Amendment should be added to the Constitution that says it’s illegal to own them- make them contraband.” Alex glanced at me then started laughing. “I’m kidding.”

“Oh.” It didn’t seem like he was kidding, he sounded completely serious. I guess I’d have to get to know him better to understand his sense of humor.

We pulled up in front of my house and sat for several moments in silence. He drew circles on the back of my hand with his index finger; my heart beating faster and faster with every loop. “Are you mad at me for Friday?” His question shocked me, although I wanted to ask him the same thing.

“No, I figured you’d be mad at me.” I said not wanting to make eye contact; trying to block out the memory of the hurt look on his face when I ditched him. Alex threw me off when he started laughing.

“No way. You told me you don’t drink. That was my fault. I think I went a little too fast. I just…” He hesitated and urged me to look at him with his hand stroking my arm. “I feel drawn to you in a way I can’t explain. I keep forgetting that not everyone has had the experiences that I’ve had in my life. I know I freaked you out on Friday.”

“I don’t drink because of my dad.” I blurted out. I hadn’t even told Jillian that my dad had a problem with alcohol. “My parents, they get into these horrible arguments and my mother let’s things go because of my dad’s drinking.”

I looked away from Alex, staring at my knees, the door, the dashboard, anything else other than at his eyes. I didn’t want him judging my family, but wanted him to know I didn’t drink out of choice, not because there hadn’t been opportunity.

Alex squeezed my hand tighter. “I’m so sorry.” He let out a sigh, “I feel like a total asshole now.” He stared over the dashboard of his car; I could see the slight dimple in his cheek. I squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.” He didn’t look at me. I reached over to his face and ran the back of my hand down his smooth cheek; it felt like he had recently shaved. I also realized that he smelled irresistible, like he had changed cologne.

“I won’t offer you alcohol again.” Alex finally looked at me; his dark eyes were golden under the orange glow of the streetlights. “I wish you would’ve told me before.”

I looked away swiftly, “That isn’t something that I normally share with anyone. I just wanted you to know that I wasn’t being a goody two-shoes when I turned it down.”

Alex let out a small laugh, “The last thing that I thought of you was that you were a goody two-shoes. Trust me.” He slid his hand up the side of my neck to rest firmly at my jaw line. “You confirmed you weren’t when we were in the bedroom.” His voice was inviting. “Don’t be embarrassed. Look at me.” Alex’s urged me to look at him. “I realized Friday that we have incredible chemistry and I’m attracted to you regardless of if we had sex or not. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do, so I’m perfectly fine that you wanted to stop. Alcohol or no alcohol, it doesn’t matter why you stopped.” His eyes, his touch, and his voice- they all made me want to melt into the seat. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine softly at first, but increased with intensity or maybe I increased the intensity. I’m not really sure. Once we started I wanted more. Before long, we were fully making out in the front seat of his car. He pulled at my shoulder until I was almost sitting on the center console, one more tug and I’m in the seat with him. Come here. He whispered and pulled again. I straddled his lap as his strong hands pressed into my back. The feeling of his heartbeat against my chest was faster than one of Travis Barker’s solos. The temperature increased in the car by at least twenty degrees as his hands slid under the front of my shirt to rest on the bare skin of my hips. My thoughts were jumbled trying to catch up with my body’s feelings of want and need.

I’m crazy about you. Alex whispered as he kissed a trail down my neck. I couldn’t think of anything to say. He completely overtook my senses; his breathing, his lips, the taste of his skin and his tongue, they were the only things I could think about right now. First it was your Aunt… now your parent’s. He said as he pulls my body into a tight embrace. Both of my parent’s stared out the front window at the car. I really hoped that it was dark enough that they couldn’t see I’m in his lap and we were making out with the promise and wanting of more.

“I better go.” I half grin as I’m having trouble breathing. Reluctantly I crawl back over to my side of the car. I really wish I could rewind time and change my decision to run on Friday. I’m sure Alex could completely replace my memories of my terrible first time with Nate.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I nodded and escaped from the car, wanting to skip all the way to the door, but resisting, because I know if my parents just saw what I was doing- I’m a dead girl and that is no cause for celebration.

c h a p t e r

NINE

To my surprise, or rather dismay, neither of my parent’s mentioned Alex dropping me off tonight. Mom, dad and I sat at the dinner table eating the first meal my mother had made in weeks or maybe even months. My parent’s talked about taking a trip over the Christmas holiday to see extended family in Washington. I half listened to the conversation until she brought up my birthday.

“What do you want to do for your eighteenth birthday?” Mom said spooning more mash potatoes onto her plate. I’d be turning eighteen during the Christmas break.

“I don’t really have any plans.” I hadn’t had time to even think about it.

“Do you want to throw a party?” The last party I had was elementary school- you know back in the days when the teachers made you give valentine’s to very kid… that was the last time I had more than a handful of friends.

“No.” I respond trying to think of more than five people to invite: Jillian, Michelle, Jamie, Alex… maybe. That would be one lame party other than Jillian and Alex; does inviting relatives really count as a “rager”? I smirked.

“What’s so funny?” Dad grinned.

“Nothing. Maybe I can just have Jillian over.”

“Oh that’s nonsense. You’re going to be eighteen. You can’t think of something more… interesting to do?” I really couldn’t. We could go to the beach, have a barbeque, and maybe have a bonfire. But even then I could only think of a few people that I’d invite and really- who wants to go to the beach in winter.

“Well there is plenty of time. A decision doesn’t have to be made tonight.” Dad smiled; saving me from mom’s inquisition.

I helped my parents clear the table and loaded the dishwasher for mom. Grant fat and happy from his meal of hamburger and rice was laid on his bed in the kitchen.

“I swear that dog has doubled in size.” Mom put leftovers into the fridge; she used one of her feet to move the dogs paw out of the way.

Grant’s sharp teeth were poking out from his dopey smile. “Mom, he’s full grown. If anything, he is just gaining weight.”

“Yeah because you’re spoiling him.” Dad interrupted the conversation. “Speaking of which, any luck on finding his owner? Or a home for him?” A low rumble came from Grant as he turned and lowered his head onto his paws, glaring at my dad.

“Dad…” I started to object.

“Let’s not go into that tonight.” My mother rubbed her hand down my dad’s back quelling the argument. “So Alex brought you home tonight?” Shit. So much for thinking I’d get away without talking about this. Please don’t let this turn into a sex talk, especially in front of my dad.

“Yea.” I tried not to be too excited or withdrawn in my response.

“What about homecoming? Do you think you’ll go this year?”

“Mom… this is all new right now. I don’t know.” I grabbed a glass to head back upstairs and tripped over Grant’s large paws that were now inconveniently lying right in my pathway.

“I know I’m being an overbearing mother. It’s just…” She paused and looked at my father. They lingered in their stare until she finally added, “You’ve never even brought a boy home. We can’t help but feel excited that you’ve met Alex and he is such a nice boy. The right type of boy.” I let out a small hmmmp.
If she only knew what he had me feeling in the car… I’m sure she wouldn’t think he was such a nice boy.

My skin tingled with the thought of Alex’s hands and fingers pressed against my hips earlier. “I’m going to bed. I’m tired.” I know it’s impossible to read minds, but just in case, I wanted away from my parent’s before I thought of ripping Alex’s shirt off of him.

I hadn’t realized that Alex meant he would pick me up the next morning. I awoke to the loud sound of his Camaro pulling up to my curb. Jillian showed up slightly afterwards. I was running late thanks to dreams that bounced back and forth between Alex’s body and Brandon’s. I thought the images of Brandon would subside, but they hadn’t. This morning I’d make the most of my time in the office and try to track him down. The yellow sheets were separated out by date and name, so I hope I could narrow it down and find him.

I rushed around my room throwing clothing everywhere while Grant lay lazily on my bed. “Aren’t you lucky you don’t have to worry about what you are wearing?” I pulled on a form fitting scoop neck shirt and a pair of capri’s. “How do I look?” Grant groaned. “Seriously? It looks bad?” I twirled around and looked at myself in the mirror. I kept the shirt and pulled on a pair of jeans instead. “Better?” Another groan. “Look mister…” I grabbed the scruff of his neck and playfully shook his loose skin back and forth. “I’m already late! Can you make up your mind?” I held a few more shirts up to my jeans. “This one?” Groan. “This one?” Another groan. “You are starting to give me a complex.” I finally held up a white see through top that cuffed above the elbow and buttoned up. I pulled on a light blue tank top and the white over shirt. “Now? Better?” I pulled my long hair out of my ponytail. No groan. I got the approval; thank goodness because I was running out of clothes. I rushed into the bathroom to put in my contacts. Grant stretched and got off the bed to sit in the doorway of the bathroom. I pulled out one of the contacts and he groaned and then growled as I started to put the contact in.

“Not these too.” I looked at him in the reflection of the mirror as I continued to put the contact in. He swatted at me playfully with his paw causing me to move and miss my eye.

“Grant. Knock it off.” I said almost playfully, but I wasn’t kidding. I repositioned myself, put more solution on the contact and tried again. Grant swatted at me again and growled louder.

“Lacey! You’re going to be late!” Mom yelled from downstairs adding to my aggravation.

“COMING!” I yelled back. “Grant, knock it off. You know I wear these everyday- no exceptions.” I tried one more time and Grant pawed me again, this time he caused me to drop the contact into the sink. “Damn it Grant. I’m not going to let you in my room anymore if you keep this up.” I didn’t have time to mess with the contacts now. I rushed past the dog, out of the bathroom and down the stairs stopping to check my hair in the hall mirror. I was upset that Alex would find out today that I didn’t have crystal blue eyes. I hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed.

“Hey Beautiful!” Alex leaned up against his perfect Camaro wearing jeans and a snug gray t-shirt.

“Hey!” I said. Jillian stood next to her car waiting for me to come out. “Hey girl!” I said to her.

“Good Morning.” Her greeting was devoid of any excitement; her arms were folded tightly across her chest.

Alex looked at her car and his. “Wanna ride with us? I can bring you back here after school.” Jillian hesitated before she finally agreed. Alex leaned over and kissed my cheek as I threw my arms around his neck and held him tightly to my body. Jillian grabbed her backpack in a huff and struggled climbing into the backseat of his car. Grant sat on the front porch watching the spectacle.

“Alex- that’s my dog Grant.” I pointed towards my house.

“What dog?” Alex leaned around me. I followed his gaze to the porch and realized Grant was gone.

“He was just there. It doesn’t surprise me; he probably went back into the kitchen to sprawl out. He was being a pain this morning.”

“Darn dogs.” Alex laughed. “Jillian, I hope you don’t mind that I’m being nosey. But are you seeing anyone?”

“No, not right now. Why?” She replied as she opened a cereal bar.

“I have a friend that is moving here from Oregon. Would you be interested in going out on a double date with us on Friday?” I turned to look at Jillian, her mouth stuffed with food. She wasn’t big on people setting her up. Alex continued to try to convince her. “He is really laid back. He is eighteen. He’s traveled a lot like I have. I think he will end up staying with me for awhile.”

I silently pleaded for her to say yes. I wanted her to go and have a good time, but I also was being selfish because I wanted more time with Alex.

“Ok.” Jillian said hesitantly as she bit off another large bite of her breakfast bar.

“Awesome. I’ll make reservations for dinner. He is going to be thrilled to meet you.” She gave me a doubtful look, one that told me I owed her for saying yes.

Every student in the parking lot turned to look as we exited the Camaro. People gathered and started to whisper as the three of us walked by. I’m sure they were trying to figure out what he was doing with me; I was trying to figure that out myself. Alex kissed me and then headed off to his first class leaving me at the office to deal with Courtney.

“WHOA.” Courtney said as I put my stuff down on the desk. “Why aren’t your eyes blue?” Alex hadn’t even noticed that and he was a hell of a lot closer to my face.

“I didn’t wear my contacts today.” And she thinks I’m the dumb one.

“You wear contacts? Why don’t you have glasses on then?”

“Because the contacts are just cosmetic, I don’t need them for vision.”

“Then why wear them?” Her question caught me off guard.

“Why do you…” Ding Ding Ding. Saved by the bell. I’m sure I would’ve gotten in trouble for my response to her nonetheless.

“Can I help you?” Nothing in over a week, not even a glimpse of him and now here he stood at the counter- Brandon. He looked so tired, so worn. His hair was a mess and his clothing still had fold lines in it from the packaging.

“I…” He stopped when Courtney walked up to the counter next to me.

“What can I do for you?” She said in a sultry tone.

“Don’t you have someplace to be?” I asked her.

“Yup- right here.” Courtney replied as perky as she could, smiling and trying to flirt with him.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the desk. “What are you doing?”

“You have Alex. What do you care if I flirt with the fresh meat?” Ugh. Slut.

“Look, you don’t want to mess with this guy.”

“So you know him too? From where? Egypt this time? Monaco? Or wait-was this another conquest from Paris?” She antagonized me as I imagined what sort of trouble I’d get into if I smacked her right now.

Instead I ignored her and went back to the counter. Brandon leaned on his arms against the counter; pearls of sweat gleamed on his forehead. “Hey are you ok?” Before I could reach for him Brandon doubled over and ended up on the floor. “OHMIGOD!” I screamed and rushed past the counter to his side. “Courtney, get the nurse!”

I skipped the rest of first period, second period and third period to sit next to Brandon in the nurse’s office. His nails had hints of dirt under them, but his hands were clean and smooth. His face was soft and flawless, although his powerful arms had several light scars. I couldn’t help myself; I reached over to the bed and ran my finger slowly down the smooth skin of his hand. I held my breath hoping he didn’t stir. Pressing my luck, I looped my fingers around his hand and waited to be transported to another time but nothing happened. Saddened, I released his hand and curled up in the chair next to him with a book.

“Are you ok?” Jillian asked from the doorway. Her eyes focused on Brandon’s massive body lying on the nurse’s table. “Oh wow… is that?”

I shook my head and tried to keep my voice low. “He came into the office this morning and then just passed out.”

Jillian walked in and hovered over him getting a closer look. “Wow. You weren’t kidding. I’d say he’s cuter than Alex.” She reached out to touch him and I stopped her hand feeling instantly possessive.

I tried to smooth it over when Jillian gave me a look like I had crossed the line. “I don’t want to wake him.” I almost touched him myself. “He looked so tired.”

“I’ll get your homework for you.”

“Can you tell Alex I’ll see him tomorrow?”

“What do you want me to tell him? I mean you don’t want me to tell him you’re with another guy do you?” She sounded panicked. I didn’t want her to tell him that, but I’m sure Courtney already planned on ratting me out.

“Don’t lie to him. Tell him the truth. Courtney knows I’m in here with Brandon. I don’t want to make him think that I’m trying to hide anything.”

Jillian leaned over and gave me a hug and winked. She whispered, “Either of them would be yummy in homecoming pics.” I grinned as she rushed out the door to fourth period.

I relaxed back into the chair and laid my hand close to Brandon’s arm on the bed. I allowed myself to brush my fingertips across his bicep and then retracted when he took a deep breath. I wondered if he dreamed about me like I had been dreaming of him. Then again, I couldn’t be sure any of the times I had seen him had been real. For all I know, my mind is just making all this up and he’s never said anything more than a polite “Hi” to me before. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on my shoulder trying to shake off my self-loathing.

“Lacey?” His lips were close to my ear; his hot breath sent cold chills down my neck. “Please wake up.” Brandon’s beautiful eyes were just inches from mine. “Hi.” He simply said when I finally stopped blinking.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” I gingerly uncurled myself from the chair; my body was stiff. Brandon shifted to sit back on the bed but still leaned towards me. I felt drowsy, but my heartbeat was pounding in my ears.

“It doesn’t matter.” Brandon whispered. “Have you had the dreams?”

“What?” I stuttered, still trying to wake up.

“The dreams of me? Have you had them?” I started shaking my head. How could he have known if they weren’t real? “You haven’t?” He grabbed my hand and turned to look at my palm. “Have you always had this?” He pointed to a purple bruise that showed up the day I met him.

“No. It just appeared.” I answered confused.

He turned his palm upward to show me a similar mark on his palm. “We were meant to be.” He whispered and placed his palm over mine. Our marks were exactly in the same place; the place where his palm and my palm touched the first day we met.

I barely whispered, “Brandon, I don’t understand.” The dizzy, lightheaded feeling was back. Brandon obviously didn’t understand the concept of personal space either as he pulled himself even closer to me.

“I know. I’m sorry. We don’t have much time. You’re in danger.”

“What do…” I started to lean back, but Brandon’s hands clasp to either side of my face and he pressed his smooth lips to mine. His kiss was hungry, full of need and longing. The only thing I could feel was Brandon, his soft hands and his heart beating against my chest. Overwhelming images of lying in bed next to him and his hands brushing freely through my hair flooded my mind. The amount of intimacy that passed between us was staggering; the connection was overpowering. The images felt so real, affecting every one of my senses. Brandon’s hands rested at the base of my neck as he took his lips away from mine. I struggled to catch my breath. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as my body shook with excitement.

The world still hadn’t started spinning again as he grazed my lips with his. Remember Lacey, Remember.

c h a p t e r

TEN

The next morning I couldn’t remember anything after Brandon’s kiss. Brandon’s touch brought more wonderful visions of our life together. We lived an entire lifetime together in my dreams- being married, children, a house- we had it all.

I reached across my bed expecting to feel his body next to me, but all I got was Grant; his overgrown body taking up most of the bed. I patted him a few times and got up to get ready for school, Alex would be here soon. I scrambled trying to think of something to tell him about what happened yesterday or an explanation of how I got home.

I showered quickly and pulled my hair up into a ponytail. With Grant still snoring on my bed, I was able to get my contacts in this morning. I brushed my teeth and then stared at the mark on my palm. I started to wonder why Brandon disappeared and reappeared so abruptly and how his kiss made my world vanish leaving only us. I felt slightly light headed again and decided I needed to stop thinking of Brandon; he brought on weird feelings that I couldn’t explain, not to mention dizzy spells that left me dazed with memory loss.

“Bye Grant. See you tonight.” I yelled over my shoulder as I ran downstairs. Alex was already at the curb.

He didn’t give me his normal greeting. “How’s your friend doing?”

“He’s good.” I gave a generic answer trying to figure out if Alex’s greeting meant something or if I was being paranoid. I didn’t know what Brandon meant for my relationship with Alex.

Alex wrapped me in his strong embrace and pressed his lips firmly to mine. I felt relieved at first, but that’s when it happened. The horrible smell that disappeared and reappeared as often as Brandon, now radiated from Alex. It consumed my entire body and it felt like my skin was detaching itself from my muscles and bones. “NO NO NO NO!” I screamed as each of my joints pulled in two. Hands on my skin that weren’t really there started tearing and ripping at my skin. My body convulsed and I threw up several times, half my stomach was on the grass.

“SHIT. Sara! Jack! HELP!” Alex’s screams were muffled with my own. My parent’s ran from the house towards us. My body sprawled on the lawn while the hands still felt like they were pulling me apart. Alex tried to pick me up, but the pain rushing through me intensified and caused me to scream and thrash more violently.

“Get away!” Dad yelled as he shoved Alex back and looped his arms around me to carry me into the house. I was only half aware that our neighbors had come out of their houses to witness the scene. I would’ve covered my face, but I didn’t think I had arms anymore.

“It’s already happened! I told you that you were too late!”

“Who can it be? There is no one else!”

“THERE HAS TO BE!”

Their voices blended together and seemed worlds away. I could no longer feel any pain directly; the memory of the pain was enough. My body started to shut down; I really wished I wasn’t aware of it. I was having an out of body experience, like I was dying or I guess I wish I was, at least then I’d know there would be an end to this.

“I can’t smell the difference on any of her friends.”

“Alex! Think damn it! You are the only one she’s been with. I thought you said she loved you!”

“I thought she did!” Alex yelled back.

Mom interjected, “It’s too late if her mate found her. She won’t be eighteen for another three months!”

My body twitched as I struggled for any oxygen I could get. The world melted away again and not in a great dreams ahead kind of way. “He’s found her, if she reacts to your touch this way. We can’t stop it now.” I concentrated on my heart, trying to will it to keep beating.

When I thought I couldn’t throw up anymore… I did. Alex and my dad both stepped back. I tried to focus on what they were saying, but the pain was vibrating through every inch of my body again. “Make it stop…” I begged my mother as she pressed a cool rag to my head.

“Alex you better go.” She said coolly as she dismissed him.

“But…” He objected.

“No buts. If she is reacting this way to you that means only one thing.”

“We’ll leave tonight.” Dad said as he took Alex from the room.

“It’s ok baby. Things will be better soon. I promise.” Mom was right; things got better the instant Alex left the room. Everything went black.

The dreams started the instant my eyes closed. Brandon and I were walking hand in hand next to a stunning stream, the water lapped over various rocks. I could hear birds singing a wonderful melody overhead. Brandon helped me cross the stream, carefully maneuvering over several of the rocks jetting just above the surface. The area was lined by beautiful trees full of green leaves, providing plenty of shade under their canopy. I sat on a blanket under the trees with Brandon at my side. He pulled food and drinks from a picnic basket. “After we eat, do you want to play in the stream?”

Wanting to make him happy, I nodded. We talked and laughed for what seemed like hours, but it was truly only minutes. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” I barely whispered to him; a nervous wave had come over me.

“Remember, it feels funny at first. You will be tired and you’ll want to sleep. But you can’t.”

I nodded again, pretending I knew what he was talking about, but I didn’t.

“Ok, I’ll do it first. You have to clear your mind, let yourself go. Let it overtake you and surround you…”

“Like a blanket?” I asked trying to become more aware of what he was expecting from me.

“Yes, well, sort of. It’s more like your body will become the blanket, protecting you.” Sensing my nervousness, he adds. “It doesn’t hurt, I promise.” Brandon rubbed his steady hand down my cheek trying to comfort me. “I love you. Always. Remember, we have to do this to be together.”

My heart fluttered and butterflies overtook my stomach. “I love you. Always.” I responded easily. I’ve never loved a boy before, but he was the only reason for me to breathe.

“Ok. Don’t be nervous. Just follow my lead.” Brandon smiled and stood from the blanket. “Let your mind go. Let it over take you.” He stepped into the few rays of sun that were beaming down through the canopy. He pulled off his shirt and then his jeans, standing there in front of me like Adonis. Wonderful images of our dream life replayed in my mind until I couldn’t think straight. Brandon tilted his head back for a moment and rolled it back and forth like he was preparing for battle.

I lifted onto my knees anxious for what was coming; excited for the new experience he would bring me. He leaned slightly forward and rested both of his hands on the ground. He let out a blood-curdling yell and arched his back. I watched motionless as his ribs and body lurched and twisted out of socket; just the way I had felt when Alex had touched me. Brandon would be ripped apart if I didn’t do something. I jumped from the blanket to stop his pain. I barely felt my feet touching the ground as I fought to get to him, to make it stop, to save him. Brandon’s body continued to contort and mangle into itself as I tried in vain to get to his side.

Then he stopped.

And I stopped.

Standing before me was the largest wolf I had ever seen. My dream just turned into my worst nightmare as my reason for living morphed into this ferocious creature that was now baring its teeth at me. The beautiful forest blackened; the lush trees now dark and baron. My heart pounded in my chest; I panicked and scrambled backwards. I wasn’t sure if I was more amazed or terrified. I couldn’t escape as the forest closed in around me. The wolf’s eyes shined like two golden coins in the dark as it stepped forward. I lost my footing and fell with horrible force to the ground. I kicked my feet against the moss and the leaves as I tried to go backward. The wolf slowly advanced on me as if I was his prey. I wanted desperately to wake up. It’s just a dream. I repeated to myself over and over again.

Then the wolf leapt towards me.

“No!” I screamed and threw out my arms hoping to stop the attack. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest and my ribs restricted the air to my lungs. I jerked straight up, safe in my bed; there was no wolf, no stream, no trees and again- no Brandon. It was already dark outside and I was still dressed in the clothes I put on the day before. Maybe I hadn’t gotten out of bed this morning, or maybe this was just another series of strange dreams overtaking my mind.

Every movement hurt worse than the one before as I climbed out of bed. I turned on the light in the bathroom and stared at the beaten and bruised reflection looking back at me; most of my skin was a muted shade of purple or green, like a bruise fading on the surface. I ran my fingers down the length of both of my arms and across my collarbone. Cool water on my face and hands didn’t make the bruises go away and didn’t make me wake up for real. The bruises were here to stay; they were real.

I shrugged into my robe and headed back into my room. I hadn’t minded the dreams about Brandon, at least until today; his gorgeous body thrashed and contorted into a wolf or I guess werewolf is a more appropriate term. I don’t understand why my subconscious would turn him into a monster; my other dreams of him were kissing him and loving him. But in real life, I was in love with Alex. Then again, if it was all a dream, why would I dream that Alex’s touch caused me so much pain, so much agony? I’d have to confide in my mother; she would have sound advice and maybe she’d be able to tell me why the hell I’m bruised everywhere.

c h a p t e r

ELEVEN

Went to dinner with Aunt Jamie. Don’t wait up. Love~ Mom

That’s what the note said. Don’t wait up, so much for confiding in her. The episode with Alex couldn’t have been real; if it were my parents would have never left me alone. I shuffled to the fridge to get myself some dinner. I consider reheating leftovers, but that didn’t sound good. I decided to make my best dish- mac n cheese. The phone rang just as the water started to boil and I considered not answering it. Instead, I dumped the box of macaroni into the pan and grabbed the phone on the fifth ring wondering if the caller would hang up when I answer. I hoped it wasn’t Alex calling.

“Hello?”

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Jillian said.

“A little dazed right now.” I watched the churning and twisting water in the pan. I stirred it as the water started to remind me of Brandon turning into a werewolf.

“Well that’s what you get for sleeping for a week.”

“What?” The dreams didn’t seem like they lingered that long.

“Yeah you’re mom said that you had a really nasty cold. I got all your homework for you.”

“Thanks.” I replied looking around the kitchen to see if anything had changed; but nothing seemed out of place. The cold had to be worse than I thought.. “Hey, have you talked to Alex?”

She fumbled something and a thump echoed through the phone. “Yeah, he is really worried about you. I met his friend Gavin. He is super nice and out of this world gorgeous. I’ve been hanging out at Alex’s place every night.” Her voice hitched when she said Gavin’s name; she was in love.

“I can’t wait to meet him. Did Alex seem… mad at all?” The look on his face the last time I saw him haunted me.

“No silly!” More rustling. “He has been like a lost puppy this week. Courtney has tried so hard to move in on your territory. It’s been classic watching him dash her hopes day after day. He even got detention this week for mouthing off in Mr. Thompson’s class. It was bad when it happened, but it’s kinda sweet that he’s all broken up over you being gone.”

I interrupted her. “Has he come over at all?” The phone grew silent.

“Umm... no.” I waited for her to add more.

“Why not?” I asked. If he missed me so much at school then why wasn’t he beating down the door everyday waiting for me to get better?

“I’m not sure. He said that he went over there once and your parents were mean to him.” She hesitated.

The last time he came over my mother threw him out… a week ago now. If he hadn’t returned, then maybe it wasn’t a dream.

“Lacey?” Mom walked into the kitchen carrying a take out bag from the steakhouse. “I brought you dinner in case you were up.” She held out the bag like a peace offering. “How are you feeling?”

“Jillian, I have to go. My parents just got here.”

“Are you going to school tomorrow?” She sounded hopeful.

“Yeah.” I disconnected and watched mom put my dinner in the microwave. “Mom…” I didn’t know how to ask her what I wanted to know.

“What’s wrong honey? Are you still feeling sick?” Mom rested her hand on my back as dad walked into the room.

“Hey! Look who’s up!” Dad claimed the seat next to mine at the table. “I was starting to think we lost you to narcolepsy.”

I half grinned, but didn’t really appreciate his sarcasm right now. My question for mom would have to wait. Dad would overreact to my dreams and probably try to send me to counseling or an asylum.

Jillian showed up to take me to school the next morning; but Alex didn’t. Maybe Courtney had talked to Alex about Brandon coming into the office, but I wasn’t sure if that really happened or not. I had to tell someone about my dreams and what I thought had happened a week ago. My body still ached all over and my head wasn’t quiet right.

“Did Alex mention anything about going to my house last week?” I waited impatiently for Jillian’s response as she adjusted her seatbelt and fussed with the keys in the ignition.

“No.” She finally replied. “Why? Did something happen?” Jillian winked.

“I’ve been having these really weird dreams.” I hesitated almost loosing my nerve to confess to my friend that I’ve lost my mind. The dreams were so real, for all I knew this conversation could be another one.

“Are you going to finish that thought?” Jillian interrupted my mental debate.

“I think… I think I’m having a nervous breakdown.”

Jillian laughed. “You are too young for that.”

“No, I’m serious. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore.”

“Ok… What are you talking about?”

“These dreams I’m having… they are so real. I dreamed that Alex picked me up last week and his touch...” I looked out the car window trying to stop my body from shivering at my too real memories of the pain. “His fingers felt like they were burning through my skin. I threw up all over the yard and Alex smelled… awful, like my nostrils were being soaked in acid.”

“EWW… that is a little graphic don’t you think?”

“I’m being serious. It didn’t feel like a dream. The pain was real.” I pulled up my sleeves. “Look at these.” I showed her the purple and green markings. “I don’t know how I got them. You don’t usually get bruised in your dreams, do you?”

Jillian shook her head and pulled the car into the parking spot at school. “Have you told your mom about this?”

“No, I was going to last night, but dad came in and I didn’t want to talk about it in front of him… he’d tell me I was being silly.”

Jillian brushed one finger down the length of my forearm over the bruising. “That looks terrible.”

“I know.” I pulled my sleeve back down and glanced around the parking lot looking for Alex’s Camaro, it wasn’t there. “I know my parents know they are there. They saw them last night when I was eating dinner. Neither of them said a thing about them.”

“Maybe they know how you actually got them and didn’t want to say anything?”

I hated to state the obvious- “Wouldn’t you think you’d remember having the shit beaten out of you enough to get these types of bruises?”

Jillian squinted her eyes like she didn’t appreciate my observation. “You would think, but you’re the one sitting here obsessing about strange dreams that aren’t real.”

OUCH. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you.” I replied, a little more snidely than I had intended. I climbed from the car trying to make sure I didn’t bump any of the too real, too fake, not sure how they got there, bruises.

Jillian rushed behind me towards the school. “I’m so sorry Lacey.” She grabbed my arm and I winced. “Damn. I forgot.”

Wrapping my arms around my body, I tried to ignore the pain rushing through me and not bite her head off. “It’s fine.” I continued walking not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. I should’ve stayed home; I’m not ready for this.

“Maybe you should talk to Mrs. Stone…” Jillian whispered as we neared the office. We both stopped walking when we saw Brandon slumped against the building. His dark eyes focused in our direction as if he had expected us. “Oh my…” Jillian said under her breath. “SO, I guess I’ll catch up with you later?” Her tone changed as she rushed off leaving me with my love turned monster.

“Hey.” I swallowed hard, staying several feet from him. Brandon looked at the gap between us and stood upright. His face pale and his eyes were blood shot.

“I didn’t get a chance to thank you for the other day.” The other day… When he kissed me in the nurse’s office.

“No sweat.” I tried to play it off, but he just confirmed that it wasn’t a dream. Brandon’s eyes shifted back and forth to students walking on the sidewalk and people going into the office.

“Can I take you to lunch?” Brandon stepped closer and my sense of flight kicked in; I stepped a full stride backwards. “Just to repay you… you know for your kindness?”

“No. Thank you. I have a boyfriend.” I said the first thing I could think of. Alex and I weren’t officially dating and after this week, I had no idea what we were.

Brandon looked disappointed at my rejection. “Is this about what happened?” He held up his hand to show me his mark that matched mine. The mark on my palm had doubled in size since the last time I saw him.

“You know.” Brandon smirked. “I know you know. Just accept it.” Let it overtake you… let yourself go. His words from my dream whispered against my ear and my neck. I took in a deep breath but my legs wobbled. I threw my arms out to stop from going down, but he caught me first.

“Easy- Easy.” He wrapped his arm around me and took my backpack from my shoulder. “I’ve seen that look before.” Brandon tugged me closer, my face almost pressed to his chest. Panic and satisfaction washed over me in alternating waves as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath at Brandon’s chest. I wrapped my arms around him ignoring the pain and pulled myself even closer to his body; my own body not wanting to let him go. I heard my backpack hit the ground, in an instant Brandon’s hand was under my chin.

“Are you alright?” His eyes were safe and familiar so close to my face. I nodded, but wasn’t really sure if I was. “Come on.” Brandon kept his arm looped around the small of my back, as we walked away from the office. I went with him complacently as visions wreaked havoc on my brain; being in love with Brandon then watching as he violently transformed into a hideous creature ready to attack me.

“You look like you are feeling better.” Still in a trance, I wasn’t convinced that I felt better as he opened the door to his house. I doubted that I looked any better either. My stomach and head told me it was a mistake to leave school with this boy that I didn’t know. My heart told me I’ve known him forever and regardless of what he was, I loved him; I needed him.

The house was scantly furnished with an old couch, a coffee table with a lamp on it, a small TV on a stand and a two-person dinette in the kitchen. “I know it’s not much.” There were no pictures, no decorations, nothing about this place felt like a home. “It’s sort of an in between place.”

I shook my head and settled my shaky legs on the couch. Small talk. That’s what I needed right now. “So do you live here by yourself?”

Brandon retrieved two sodas from the fridge and came to sit next to me. “No. A few of my friends live here with me.”

“You don’t have any family?” I watched carefully for his reaction.

“They are my family.” He cracked open his soda and took several sips. Silence overtook the room. I looked around and shifted uncomfortably on the couch. “What about you? Are your parents cool?” More small talk.

“They’re ok.” How do I tell him my dad is an alcoholic, my mother is an enabler and I can’t bring myself to tell them about my dreams for fear they will have me committed.

Brandon smirked as though he knew the conversation I just had with myself. “Must be hard being the only child.”

“Ummm… I don’t remember telling you that.” I set the soda down and glanced at the door wondering if I should make up an excuse to leave.

“You didn’t have to.” He smiled and without explanation continued. “Why do you cover your eyes with contacts?” He looked like he was going to touch my face, but stilled his hand just inches away when I started to lean back from him.

“How did you know I wear contacts?”

Brandon half laughed and allowed his fingers to brush my cheek sending chills through my body. “Because the first day I met you, they were blue. The next, they were green, almost the same color as mine.” DUH.

“Everyone in my family has blue eyes, not green.”

“So you don’t like being different?” His question unnerved me.

“No it’s not that…” I barely knew him; did I really owe him an explanation?

“Then why cover them? Your eyes are beautiful without the contacts.” His finger brushed the smooth skin beneath my eye. “Why don’t you take them out now?”

I inched further away from him on the couch, finally feeling my legs steady. “Because… I don’t want to.” I responded aggravated at his inquisition.

“You don’t want people seeing the real you, the beautiful person behind the mask?” He antagonized me as he poked fun at my desire to be like my family.

“I need to go back to school.” I got up from the couch and stomped towards the door. Brandon made it to the door before I could even turn the knob.

“Leaving so soon?” He tried to sound lighthearted, but his tone wasn’t. I tightened my grip on the doorknob wondering if I could really get past him and out the door.

“I need to get back to school. I’m going to get in trouble.” I lied; the look on his face told me he knew it.

“No, you won’t.”

“Yes, I will. You don’t know my parents.”

“I know they are lying to you. Don’t you want the truth? Don’t you want to know why you are having the dreams about me and why we are connected?” He brushed a stray hair from my face; his eyes shined making my knees feel weak.

And I hated to admit he was right; I wanted to know. I wanted an explanation for the dreams, for my love for him, for my reaction to Alex and for my parent’s strange behavior. “Yes… but…” My voice sounded meek. Was I really ready for the truth?

Brandon lifted my hand and traced his finger around the purple crescent moon that had grown darker on my palm. “Your parents will never love you like I do.” I released my grip on the door and my body started to relax with each twist of his finger against my hand. “I would never do anything to hurt you like they have. They have not prepared you, warned you, for what you will shortly become. They thought they could stop you from your destiny, but they were wrong.” He leaned his forehead to mine, “You have felt the changes. You have started to smell them- to react to them?”

The only smell that I had encountered was the strange stench around Alex. “My boyfriend smells funny…”

Brandon leaned back; casting his eyes to the ceiling and took a deep breath. “Please don’t call him that. He is your enemy and mine. I don’t want to think that he’s touched you… in anyway.” Brandon hesitated. “You didn’t sleep with him, did you?”

The night at Alex’s house rushed back to me and the thoughts of how I wanted to sleep with him so badly but couldn’t. “No.” I couldn’t tell my imaginary boyfriend that I wanted anyone else. It felt like I was a cheater, even though technically, I wasn’t.

“That’s the only way he could’ve broken our bond.” Brandon’s fingers loosely intertwined with mine. “If you would’ve willingly given yourself to him.”

“Brandon… I don’t understand any of this.” My heart bounced against my chest from the mere touch of his fingers and his breath on my face.

“I know you don’t. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. It took me forever to find you.” Brandon brushed his fingers down my arm making me hold my breath. “But I’m here now and there is nothing they can do to change that.” I anxiously anticipated his kiss as he leaned towards me. When our lips finally touched my pulse raced and I threw both of my arms around his neck deepening the kiss. I felt the sting from my bruised arms for the briefest moment, but it stopped the instant my mind flooded with visions of his love for me and mine for him. I was faint again and breathless from his lips covering mine.

c h a p t e r

TWELVE

“Hey.” A petite dark haired girl said as I opened my eyes. I glanced around the unfamiliar room. “I’m Lily.”

“Hi. I’m Lacey.” I sat upright on the bed and looked towards the door leading into the hallway. “Where am I?”

“You’re at our house. Brandon is in the living room.” She smiled; her eyes were brighter green than my own. She didn’t look older than ten or eleven.

“Are you his sister?”

“Sort of.” She closed the notebook she had been doodling in. “He asked me to keep an eye on you while he talked to Trevor and Matt. He didn’t want to leave you, but they have to deal with the Alex issue.”

“What Alex issue?” I hadn’t admitted to doing anything with Alex. Maybe Courtney had told Brandon something in hopes to get Alex.

“He crossed the line.” Lily smirked. “He has to pay for it.” Her words were menacing, disturbing.

I jumped off the bed and rushed towards the sound of the voices. Brandon was sitting on the couch and two boys just as big as him were sitting on the floor.

Brandon shot up from the couch, halting my advance. I tried to clear my head and tell Brandon to leave Alex alone, but his voice distracted me. “You’re up!” He wrapped his arms around me then pointed at the two boys to introduce them. “This is Matt.”

“Hey.” The larger of the two boys stepped forward further deterring me from my mission. He outstretched his mammoth hand and electricity shot through my skin when I touched his. I staggered backwards and Matt grabbed my arms to stop me from falling, but he caused more harm that good. My body shuddered, more waves flowed through my arms.

“I’m sorry.” Matt mumbled as Brandon yanked me away from him, taking me into his arms again.

“She’s still getting used to her senses. Give her some room.” Brandon gave him a dirty look and lowered his tone; the words were an order.

Trevor stepped forward and offered his hand, but Brandon stepped between us causing Trevor to pull back. “Sorry… I’m Trevor.”

“Why did I react to him like that?” I demanded, my skin still tingling.

Brandon looked at Matt, seriously displeased with what had just transpired. “Most of us have years to prepare for this.” He hesitated. “I guess we will give you a crash course.” Brandon reclaimed his spot on the couch and motioned for me to join him. Matt and Trevor made themselves busy in the kitchen. “When you are still young, learning your skills, most connections you make with a member of our pack will be that way. I promise it will get easier.” I shook my head staring at my hand. “OK, remember the day you met me? Remember when I took your hand in mine? That happened because we are meant for each other. Our life, or what will be our life, flashes in our minds. That’s the reason you’ve had the dreams, of us, of things to come. You have seen the world, as it should be, as it will be for us. It only happens when you meet your mate and it starts the countdown to the time that you will fully transform.” His body tensed like he didn’t want to tell me that.

“Transform?” It didn’t sound pleasant and with the way his body reacted, I doubted that it was.

“Yes, to be with me you have to transform.” He hesitated and looked everywhere but at me. “When you meet an enemy, you will be overwhelmed by a horrible smell that will almost incapacitate you. You will start to feel the changes more and more when an enemy is near. The smell will be worse surrounding more formidable enemies.”

Alex.

“What if I’ve already had that happen?” My voice cracked, I couldn’t say his name.

“Yes, Alex.” He reached over and rubbed my hand trying to soothe me. “Our enemies, they thought if they sent him…” Brandon squeezed my hand before he continued. “They thought that you would fall in love with him and they could claim you before your change. They thought they hid you well… they never thought that I’d find you... that your family would come for you.”

“This…” I rubbed my forehead.

“I told you, most have years to prepare. We are giving you everything in such a short length of time.”

“I don’t understand… my family? Why would they do that? I mean, why would someone want to claim me?” My words came quicker than my thoughts.

“Because you are the only Werewolf that can destroy their pack once and for all.”

WEREWOLF?

I rubbed my finger under the deep-set wells of my eyes. I stared at the stranger in the bathroom mirror. My parents… are not my parents? The haphazard grouping in the living room were closer to my own family than the ones I’d lived with for the past seventeen years. It’s too much to understand or even contemplate.

Enough make believe. “Can I go home now?” There’s no way I’m a werewolf or that I’m supposed to kill Alex… so not happening.

Trevor and Matt both stood from the couch when I entered the room; both their eyes wide staring at Brandon who kept his calm and remained seated at the table looking over some papers.

“I can’t let you go back into danger.” His voice was calm and authoritative.

“But…” I started to object, but Lily had already linked her fingers into mine.

“You can’t leave us now, we just got you back!” Even this little girl understood more of what was going on than I did. I’m sure she understood why they didn’t want me to go home, but my parents were all I had.

“I have to go home. I have to go back to my parent’s.”

“They aren’t your parents.” Matt said.

“Those people stole you from your real family.” Trevor added.

“What do you mean stole?” I looked harshly at Brandon.

Brandon stood from his resting place and walked over to Trevor jamming him in the shoulder as he went by. “Honey, you just need to trust me.” He reached out but I backed away seeking security against the front door. “Don’t be silly. If you go home, they will hurt you.” Brandon clenched his fists and then released them. “I can’t let them do that.”

“I want to go home.” I practically screamed in Brandon’s face. He had to be lying, or this was by far the strangest dream I’ve ever had.

“YOU CAN’T. YOU ARE A THREAT TO THEM!” Brandon raised both of his fists and screamed louder than I did. The back of my head hit the door as my back pressed harder against it, terrified at what he would do to me and he confirmed my nightmares were real. I couldn’t stop staring at the pulsing veins in his arms.

“I’m so sorry.” Brandon unclenched both of his hands as he took several deep breaths and stepped back from me. He raised his palms to me showing me his crescent.

“Babe, we don’t have much time. I’m afraid if you go home now, they’ll know that you are already changing. If they see this on your hand…” He pointed to our shared mark. “You’ll be in danger. I can’t…” Brandon swallowed hard. “I can’t stand to loose you now. I’m already transformed so my senses…” He paused searching my face for approval then stepped closer. “Your visions will get more intense, more longing the further into your transformation you get. Once you are transformed… you won’t be able to stand being away from me.” He ran his hand down my arm and pressed my hand into his. “It will be like someone is taking away the air you breathe; you will become more exhausted and fatigued the longer we are apart.”

I stayed trapped in his eyes for several moments; my trance broken when a dish crashed in the kitchen. “Damn...” Trevor poked his head out from the kitchen. “Lily can you help me?” Lily let out a sigh and headed to the kitchen, never taking her eyes off us.

I looked away from him trying to calm my thoughts. I barely knew him, knew these people, but for some reason, I wanted to believe him. I felt I had to. But I couldn’t. “You’re wrong. My parent’s would never hurt me. My Aunt would never hurt me.” And the more important issue- “I’m not a…” I looked at my slight reflection in the window. “werewolf.” Brandon took a step back and grinned.

“I didn’t want to believe it at first either. But that’s what we are, WHO we are.”

“Brandon, can you come here a minute?” Lily stood at the door with blood on her hands.

“Shit. What happened?” Brandon walked a few steps closer to the kitchen.

“Matt cut himself on a dish.” Lily shrugged her shoulders. The smell of iron and metallic flecks in the blood dripping from her hands filled my senses. The sound of the floorboard creaking under her tiny feet flooded my ears. Brandon’s weight caused forceful pounding on my eardrums. I heard shallow breathing and a slight heartbeat in the other room and a dog barking somewhere outside in the distance. The hair on the back of my neck stood as a car pulled up outside and footsteps on the sidewalk. I came unglued when the doorbell rang sending thundering ringing through my ears, vibrating my brain.

“I HAVE TO LEAVE!” I screamed over all the amplified sounds and flung open the door rushing past a petite older blonde.

Trevor, Matt and Lily rushed after me to the sidewalk and watched me running down the sidewalk. Lily covered her mouth with her small hands. Blood dripped onto the sidewalk from Matt’s rag covered hand. I couldn’t go back. The sound of birds flying overhead inundated my senses as the wings fluttered up and down. My mind told me to hurry and my feet thudded hard up and down against the concrete sending pains through my body as the heavy hitting echoed through my ears.

It took forever for me to finally get through my front door. The sizzling and popping coming from the kitchen made my head throb. I covered both my ears and felt my fingertips pressing too hard into the side of my head. I didn’t bother going into the kitchen, I rushed to my bedroom and slammed the door- instantly regretting that decision since it felt like my eardrums would explode. By the time I kicked off my shoes and tossed myself into the bed my whole body was shaking and I couldn’t control any of my thoughts. The popcorn dots over my bed looked like they were swirling in hazy, unrelenting dances. They were growing closer to the bed as my eyes blinked trying to stop their insanity or my own.

I concentrated on my breathing: breathe in 1…2…3… breathe out 1…2…3…

“Hey honey, I thought I heard you come in. Ready for dinner?”

My stomach was twisted and contorted into a double knot- there was no way I would be eating anything. “No.” I barely choked out not wanting to even listen to my own voice. Silently I begged her to go away.

“Are you ok?” Mom crossed the room to stand next to my bed. She gently rubbed her hand down my forearm.

My response: “I’m…” head pounding, heart convulsing, lungs straining, body heaving… I threw up all over her, the bed, the floor, and myself. Everywhere.

“Oh no! Jack! JACK!” My mother screamed causing my body to cringe.

“Mom… no…” I tried to silence her as she grabbed towels out of my bathroom and started to wipe my face and mouth with them. When she touched my face, my nostrils started to flair and the hair on my arms stood up. Oh no. I didn’t think it was possible that my heart could push blood out any faster, but it did. It sent blood and adrenaline to every part of my body. My arms and legs all tensed as she leaned in again to take another swipe at my face.

“What happened?” Dad entered the room and looked at the floor then my mother. “Sara- back away…” He held up both his hands and braced himself in the doorway; his white knuckles held fast to the door jam.

“What’s wrong…” Mom’s eyes met mine and she quickly dropped the towel.

“Baby, calm down...” Dad’s voice was eerily calm and soothing. My hands tightened on the comforter and my body slightly thrashed. The pain had faded into the background again and the sounds around were muted. I watched as both my parents backed out of my room. There was a monster staring back at me from my dresser mirror with eyes black as night. I barely recognized myself. But I understood the pain I was feeling, the nervousness and uncertainty was clearly looking back at me as my face and arms turned red.

I looked away from the monster in the mirror. Brandon wasn’t lying and I ran from him today. My parents were my enemies, the smell of my mother caused the pain I was suffering. I was transforming and my parents knew. I’m a teenager, a high school student, a daughter, a friend, an enemy… and a werewolf.

c h a p t e r

THIRTEEN

My mother didn’t smell nearly as bad as Alex. If they were truly my enemy, wouldn’t they have smelt just as bad and killed me by now? Maybe there was hope for them or maybe Brandon was wrong.

I rose from the bed slowly, as every inch of my body tingled and pulsed from the touch of my clothing. A fly bounced against my window as the sun coming in strained my eyes. Every thread in the comforter felt scratchy under my fingertips. New bruising surfaced on my arms, legs and sides. I inspected my face and neck slowly; my eyes were once again green, but now they were also bloodshot and sunken in.

I felt like I stayed up all night playing video games and eating junk food, but didn’t nearly have as much fun. I stood at the top of the stairs listening for any noise below indicating my parents were home: nothing. I crept down stairs and pulled out a large glass for some water.

DING DONG… DING DONG… DING DONG

I glanced at the note on the counter from my parent’s that said they went to the grocery store. “I’m coming!” I screamed as I headed towards the door. “What?!” I said before I got the door open, prepared to give my morning visitor a mouth full. I’m taken aback when I see Brandon leaning against the side of the house and his breathing is strained.

“Their gone right?” He leaned towards me. I reached out barely catching him before he fell over the threshold into the house. He was much heavier than he looked.

“Brandon?” I wrapped my arms around him and temporarily forgot my own pain.

“You can’t stay here. They know that you are changing sooner than they thought you would.” I helped Brandon to the couch and waited for him to catch his breath. He ran his hands down his pant legs several times and took several deep breaths before he finally reached out and touched me.

When his eyes finally met mine and he is breathing easier, the world melted away. We sat alone together on the grass by the creek. “Are you in pain?” Brandon rubbed his hand across one of the long, narrow bruises on my forearm.

“It’s not so bad.” Nothing felt wrong when he was touching me.

“Do you believe me now?” He held my hand tighter.

“I don’t know.” I answered him honestly. “My parents caused a reaction, but it wasn’t like Alex’s. How do you know they’d hurt me?”

“They will. That is why they took you from your parents.” He responded seriously.

“How are you so sure?”

“Jack and Sara stole you shortly after you were born. Their only mission was to hide you from our pack until you turned 18. They believed that if they could make you fall in love with one of them they could stop you from eliminating the Mare pack forever.”

He mesmerized me with his words, with his mouth and lips slowly pressing together to form every syllable. Then I considered what he was saying. “I would never hurt my parents… or Alex.”

“You are only saying that because you don’t know them… you don’t know what they are capable of doing to you… to us.” I looked away from him and tried to clear my mind, but he squeezed my hand tighter forcing my attention back to him. “They would kill me if they found me here with you.” Brandon’s expression turned serious. My parents had their flaws, but the only people they really hated were each other.

“You have to go.” I yanked my hand away from him and regretted it instantly when reality pounded on my head and we were back on my couch.

“I can’t leave you. You don’t understand.” Brandon panicked and grabbed my hand again temporarily stopping time.

“You have to. If you think they would hurt you for being here, then you should go. You are wrong about them. They love me.” I took my hand back again.

“Lacey, they will kill you. If they kill you…” A car pulled up outside and footsteps on the sidewalk told me he really had to go now. I urged him off the couch with all my weight.

“Go out the back door. If Grant barks just tell him to lie down.” Brandon hesitated before kissing my cheek.

“You have to trust me. I love you. Always.” Then he was gone.

I stared at the door to the backyard for several moments, hoping that Grant would leave Brandon alone until he could make his escape, but I never heard a single bark from him.

“We brought dinner.” Mom called as she walked in the door. She set a large food bag on the kitchen table and pulled out several Chinese containers. The reaction was inevitable, but I still held my breath trying to keep the thrashing and the smell at bay. My eyelids pressed firmly together, I counted to three and then inhaled until my lungs were full of air and the smell of sweet n sour filled my nose. No twitching, no crawling skin just 99-cent Chinese food from the donut shop.

As we sat down to dinner, Brandon’s suspicions about my parents filled my thoughts. Would they poison my food? I inspected the selections on my parent’s plates: rice, orange chicken and sweet n sour. All items that I knew had to be safe. I piled each onto my plate and didn’t taste until I made sure that they had. My parent’s laughed about Aunt Jamie complaining about a poodle that got loose and peed all over the office. Dad talked about a possible promotion that meant we would have to move. We seemed like the perfect Norman Rockwell family… but were we really werewolves waiting to attack each other? I started to think it was impossible. Other than my body reacting to my family and Alex weird, I had no proof… and I wasn’t sure if that was just a dream or not.

I helped mom clear the dishes and stood close to her at the sink. I took a deep breath and tensed my body as I brushed my elbow against her bare skin: no reaction.

“Do you want to watch a movie? It seems like we haven’t done that in forever.” Mom asked hugging me around the waist. Mom and I used to watch chick flicks every Sunday. We’d curl up on the couch together with popcorn, candy and a big blanket, which sounded amazing to me right now. We hadn’t watched a movie together since freshman year.

My mind weary from the last few weeks of bad dreams and boys that may or may not be lying to me and events that may or may not have happened. “That sounds great.” I answered as I headed towards the living room, determined to get everything out of my mind and enjoy some time with mom. “What do you want to watch?”

“Surprise me!” Mom called from behind me; her voice just as excited as my own. I turned to see mom’s crystal blue eyes studying me. “I love you.” With moisture filling her eyes, her voice cracked. “I just want you to know that. I know we don’t say it enough.” Before I could respond she crossed the kitchen and linked her arms around me pulling me tightly to her.

“Mom are you ok?” I asked nervously.

“I’m fine honey. The past few weeks have just been hard on us all.” She pulled back and smoothed a flyaway piece of hair on my forehead. “What movie do you want to watch?” Her eyes still wet as she feigned a smile.

I pulled her closer again. “I love you mom.” The smell of vanilla radiated from her hair; I took in a deep breath of the comforting scent. “What about Runaway Bride?”

“That sounds wonderful. Do you want to get drinks while I pop the popcorn?” As she winked a heavy tear escaped the corner of her eye and rushed down her cheek.

“Ut-oh. I feel a girl’s night coming on with mushy movies…” Dad wrapped his hand around mom’s waist and hugged her tightly. “What movie will it be tonight?”

“Runaway Bride.” I said as I pulled glasses from the cabinet.

“Again? Aren’t you sick of that movie yet?” He laughed. “Never mind, I know better. I’ll be in the office.” He kissed my forehead, swatted mom on the butt and headed down the hallway. If there were problems between them, I couldn’t tell.

Mom and I curled up on the couch and watched the movie roll through the previews. We shared popcorn and candy like we had done so many times before. And like most other times, we tossed popcorn and candy at each other and at the TV when Julia ran from Richard at the church. We laughed and cried, sharing a common goal- for Julia to finally stop running from her destiny. Long after the movie was over, we stayed curled up against each other on the couch, covered by a blanket my grandmother had quilted.

“How is Jillian doing? She hasn’t come over lately.” I stared at the black screen as mom rubbed her fingers through my hair.

“I haven’t really hung out with her…” I thought about Jillian telling me she had met Gavin.

“Maybe you should invite her to a sleep over. We could go get ice cream and pizzas like you guys used to do…” Mom smiled and uncurled herself from the couch. “What about that boy you were dating?” Alex.

“I haven’t been around him much since I got sick.”

“Well, I’m sure he is missing you.” She pulled the DVD out of the player and put it back in the case. “Do you want to have him over for dinner sometime? Your dad and I would like to get a chance to get to know him.” Mom grinned and started folding the blanket.

“That sounds good.” I lied. It didn’t sound good. The pain Alex caused me the last time I saw him didn’t exactly make me want to run to him.

c h a p t e r

FOURTEEN

The next morning mom busied herself in the kitchen making chocolate chip waffles and putting treats in a bag for my lunch. Dad sat at the table reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. Grant’s huge head was up to his ears in his food bowl; mom had been feeding him the rice and hamburger mixture while I was sick.

“So have you thought about homecoming at all?” Mom said without turning to look at me as I entered the kitchen. “We will have to get you a dress soon if you plan on going.”

Dad looked up and winked. “You know how your mom feels about spending money…” I thought he was mad about mom bring up homecoming, but his eyes were sparkling this morning.

It felt like déjà vu as I rushed with my book bag to Jillian’s Ford parked at the curb. She wore the same outfit as in my dream, but her hair was curled and she had dark makeup on. She sort of looked like she was glowing. “Hey girl! How are you feeling?” In fact, she glowed as her grin stretched ear to ear.

“I’m ok. How are you doing?” I said taking in how different she looked.

“Doing fantastic! I can’t wait for you to meet Gavin!” Jillian’s peppiness was getting on my nerves. At least I knew that conversation was real. “You don’t seem ok.” She said after a few minutes of silence.

“I’m ok. It’s just been rough.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been sick for two weeks. Alex is driving me nuts talking about you every two seconds.” Jillian pulled into the school parking lot. “What’s your Aunt been doing without you?”

“I don’t know. I think Michelle has been staying late to help out.”

“I’m sure your Aunt can’t wait for you to come back. She’ll need your help with that spastic cat.” Jillian laughed, but I didn’t. I had forgotten about flinging the cat across the room and the horrible way he hit the wall; so much for hoping that could’ve been a dream too.

Jillian claimed the spot next to Alex’s Camaro in the parking lot. I hesitated opening the door, nervous of his reaction and mine. “Gavin can’t wait to meet you.” Jillian grabbed my hand and walked determined towards the gates to school. She had to be in love, I’d never seen her excited to go to school before.

I felt my heart accelerate as we were almost to the office. If this were like my dream, Brandon would be leaning against the building waiting for us. I closed my eyes and turned the last corner to the office. I opened them timidly, not truly ready for what I would find.

“Hey babe!” Alex’s voice forced my eyes open; his face was beaming. He stood next to a boy almost twice his size with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. “This is Gavin.” Gavin didn’t wait for an introduction; he wrapped his arms tightly around Jillian picking her body off the ground and kissing her passionately.

“Hi.” I said but knowing fully he didn’t care what I said.

“Don’t worry about him.” Alex leaned over and whispered in my ear and brushed his face up my neck to my cheek. I didn’t want to breathe, but if I didn’t I would pass out shortly. His shirt crumpled under my grip, I steadied myself and inhaled deeply at his chest. Disappointment… no… relief came over me when nothing happened.

“Are you ok?” Alex pressed two fingers under my chin. No shock, no crawling skin… nothing. “You aren’t trying to come back too soon, are you? I mean two weeks is a long time to be sick.” I stayed locked in his stare, mesmerized by his eyes. “Lace?”

“Yeah, umm…” I stepped back after I realized I was taking deep breaths at his chest trying to find any trace of what I smelt on him before. Alex smiled and pulled me back to him.

“I’ve missed you… so, so much.” Alex took in his own deep breath against my hair. “I’m glad you are better. You had me worried.”

“Me too.” I replied and linked my fingers through his. He wrapped his arm around my back and we walked to the office door. Alex held me tightly against his body; he buried his head into my hair and took another deep breath. “I hope you have a great day. If you want to go home, call me on my cell.” I watched Jillian and Gavin kiss again before Alex finally pulled them apart. Alex laughed and talked to Gavin as they headed to their class. Alex’s reaction had just been my imagination, instead of my worst nightmare coming to life.

I sat staring at the doors to the office for much of my first period. Courtney droned on and on about Thomas dating Liz even after they made out at Josh Davis’ party over the weekend. I kept waiting for Brandon to walk through the door, to chastise me for my interaction with Alex this morning. But Alex didn’t smell today, in fact, his touch felt like nothing had ever gone wrong between us.

Alex pulled his chair next to mine in Econ to work on a project that he convinced the teacher we should be paired on instead of him being paired with Mike, his table partner. Alex’s wrapped his hand around mine to draw a square on my paper; my heart skipped a beat from his touch.

“This is the universe…” He grinned as he looked at me from the corner of his eye. He pressed the pen firmly to the paper making a small mark. “This dot is you.” He looked up at me and grinned again. “This dot…” He pressed the pen hard onto the paper making another dot close to mine. “is me…”

Jillian leaned over and looked at Alex’s handy work. “The world is round… not square.” She laughed.

“The world is whatever you want it to be. Besides, this is the universe, not the world.”

“Ooooh excuse me!” Jillian tossed her pen playfully at Alex. “But why would you think the universe is a square? I mean…”

“How do you know the earth is round?” He challenged her.

“Proven science…” Jillian said matter of factly.

“Do you believe everything you read?” Alex smileed.

“With some things… Do you believe in the boogey monster and the tooth fairy too?” She retorted.

“No… but not all things are explained in books.” Alex lifted my hand and kissed the back. “Take love… Love can be written, can be described, but until you feel it shake your entire being…” His fingers slid smoothly across the back of my hand. “You never truly understand it.” The look he gave me made me dizzy, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

Jillian nodded. “Point taken.”

“Excellent description of free thought Alex. Now, do you two think you could finish your project in this decade?”

“Yes Mr. Thompson.” We both say in unison as my skin turns red. Jillian tried to hide her laughter.

After school Alex drove me to my Aunt’s and we sat in the car in silence. My hand wrapped in his felt perfect. He traced my knuckles and ran his soft fingertip down the length of my fingers. “Alex…” I said, stopping his finger in its path.

“Yes?”

“I really need to talk to you about something.” I hesitated trying to figure out how to ask him if my reaction at the house was real or if it was a dream. I’m afraid he will think I’m crazy or maybe break up with me. Honestly, I don’t think I’d blame him.

As if he thought I was going to say something bad, he stops me. “Wait. Before you say anything…” Alex tightened his grip on my hand making me lose my concentration. “I have to tell you something… The last two weeks without you have been miserable. I know you haven’t known me that long, but I feel we have a connection. I hated being away from you.” He looked straight into my eyes and whispered I love you.

I didn’t respond. I never let anyone close enough to love me. I wasn’t really sure if he was close enough to truly mean it.

“Alex…” I needed to be delicate; I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but wasn’t sure I could say it back.

“No… I know what you are thinking. I can’t think when I’m not with you, it feels like I can’t breathe, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to move.” He smirks, “I’ve never been this type of guy. I’m not the poetry and flowers guy… but I would be if that is what you wanted.” Alex’s face turned serious. “I would do anything for you. I’d be whatever you want me to be.”

Alex leaned across the console of the car and rested the palm of his hand against my cheek. “I would, I mean it. I’d do anything you’d ask of me.”

I hesitated examining his face and his hand in mine. His large thumb rubbed across the back of my hand. I tried my hardest not to think of Alex’s touch and smell causing so much pain. I didn’t want to think about Brandon saying he was here to stop my destiny. Could he truly love me if what Brandon said was true?

“Alex, I don’t want you to change for me.” I covered his hand on mine. I needed answers. I reorganized my thoughts before continuing. “I need to ask you a question. I keep having these weird dreams about people I know. I had one about you…”

“I hope it was a good one…” He squeezed my hand under his and grinned mischievously.

“It wasn’t.” I replied quickly trying to stay focused.

“Oh.”

“No- it’s not that it was bad either. It’s just… the dreams are so vivid, it’s hard to figure out if they are real or not.”

Alex looked at me perplexed. “What are you saying? You can’t tell if you’re dreaming now or not?”

“No. I don’t know… maybe. They are just so real. I had a dream that your touch caused pain to rip through me.” I dropped my eyes from him and stared at his hand, ashamed of my own admission.

“Why do you think you dreamed that?” He stared at me intently.

“I don’t know… the dreams have just gone on so long, it’s hard to tell when I’m sleeping and when I’m not.”

Alex pulled his hand back from mine. “So… you thought it really happened?”

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. “I told you, I don’t know what is real and what isn’t.” I felt my eyes getting heavy; I was afraid I’d start crying.

Alex slowly ran his fingers down my hand again. I took in every delicate brush of his hand; his skin was smooth and tender against mine. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that it didn’t happen. I mean…” He tapped the back of my hand with his finger. “How could I touch you now if I had caused you so much pain before?” Alex asked exactly what I had been thinking. “I guess since you changed the subject…” He pulled up the corner of his mouth to his heart-melting smile. “You don’t feel the same way?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer. I loved kissing him and his touch made me melt. But my instant feelings for Brandon and the story that came with them confused me. There couldn’t be werewolves in the world- there was no such thing.

“I love you too.” I whispered and firmly wrapped my fingers around his. Alex leaned in and claimed my mouth with his. No pain or smell followed- just the sweet taste of his lips on mine.

“Will you go to homecoming with me?” He asked when he finally pulled back.

“Yes.” I said quietly, trying to catch my breath.

c h a p t e r

FIFTEEN

The next morning I rolled out of bed to the sounds of bacon and eggs being cooked on the stove. The hearty maple and oil smell lofted up the stairs filling my room and making me instantly hungry. I slipped out of bed and pulled on my robe, taking less than a minute to get into the kitchen.

“Good morning honey. Ready for some breakfast?” Mom set a full plate of eggs, bacon and toast in front of me.

“This looks great!” I barely got the words out when I spooned a large helping of eggs into my mouth. Mom grinned as she claimed the spot next to me. Dad had already gone to work. I looked over at the vacant dog bed in the corner.

“Where’s Grant?” I pointed to the bed with my fork in between bites.

“Dad already put him out this morning. He was chasing birds last I saw him. For an adult dog, he sure acts like a pup.” Mom and I both laughed. I was surprised when Grant didn’t sleep with me last night. I had called him to my room but he hadn’t come; I started to think he was leaning towards being owned by mom instead of me. She had been feeding and playing with him while I was sick. Dad still wanted us to find another home for him, but I just couldn’t do it.

“Alex asked me to homecoming.” I said nonchalantly, but I knew mom would grossly overreact.

And she did. “OH MY GOD!! REALLY! WE HAVE TO GO SHOPPING RIGHT AWAY! HOMECOMING IS ONLY TWO WEEKS FROM NOW!” I covered my ears with my hands as she continued to shout too loudly in our kitchen. I widened my eyes, letting her know I had enough. “Ok. I’m sorry. I’m just excited. Do you have any idea what type of dress you want and how you want your hair?”

“No, not really.” I took a bite of toast as she jumped up from the table and hurried to the living room. When she returned, she had a stack of dress magazines and hair magazines.

“Mom, you need help.” I laughed.

“Do you want us to rent you a limo? What about flowers?” She flipped to a few pages that she already had earmarked.

DING DONG.

“Saved by the bell!” I looked at the clock; I would be late for school. “Mom I have to go. I’m late.”

“Ok well think about the limo!” She called.

“Mom its just homecoming.” I said as I open the door. I couldn’t concentrate on Alex’s form fitting button down dress shirt this morning; I needed backup. “Tell mom no limo.”

“Ummmm…” Alex looked confused.

“Never mind. No limo mom.”

“Ok well, tell Aunt Jamie you are going dress shopping tonight, so no work.”

“Ok mom.” I picked up my backpack but Alex quickly took it from me.

“What was that all about?” He whispered as I climbed into his Camaro.

“Mom is excited I’m going to homecoming.” I grinned. I told him I wasn’t a virgin, but I hadn’t told him I was a virgin to dances.

“It’s just homecoming…” Alex raised his eyebrow. “But if you want a limo then we should get one. What type of flowers do you want? Also, should I wear a tux?”

I’m sure he could go in a potato sack and totally rock it. “Whatever you want is ok with me.” You could go in your boxers; that would be cool too. I added silently as I mentally undressed him.

He pulled me back to reality. “Well, do you know what color your dress will be? That way I can match you with a tie?”

I hadn’t really thought about it, but I figured I’d stick with blue. “Probably blue or some shade of blue.”

“Is blue your favorite color?” Alex’s lips felt like rose petals as he kissed the back of my hand.

“Sort of.” I couldn’t think straight with him doing that.

Jillian and Gavin were waiting by the gate when we got to school. Gavin had picked her up in his ’72 Nova that he and Alex said they rebuilt. Gavin had his entire body wrapped around Jillian when we finally interrupted them.

“Hey guys!” I said first.

“You beat us.” Alex added as he smacked Gavin on the shoulder.

“Have a great day babe.” Alex kissed me and then dragged Gavin away from Jillian to their class.

Jillian wrapped her arm through mine. “Did Alex ask you?”

“Yes, last night…”

“And?” Jillian stopped walking and stared at me.

“I said yes.” Jillian squealed and started jumping up and down.

“When are we going dress shopping? Gavin asked me this morning!” Neither of us really had a serious boyfriend before and now we were both going to homecoming; the first several weeks of school were a complete blur. I decided it was easier to take things one day at a time. I hadn’t seen Brandon in at least two days now and his explanation for things made less and less sense the more time dragged on. I wasn’t even sure if any part of my encounters with Brandon had actually happened.

To my surprise both Alex and Gavin came to the office to walk with me to my second period. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, except they also showed up at my third and fourth period, too.

“Alex, what’s going on?” I finally asked as he is walked me to his car after Econ.

“What do you mean?” He pulled open the door and helped me inside.

“You and Gavin? Why did you keep showing up at my classes?”

Alex grinned. “Because I realized my classes weren’t far from yours and isn’t that what a boyfriend does?”

Boyfriend. I don’t remember making things official. “So is that what you are?”

Alex pulled onto the street heading to my house. “Is that what you want me to be?”

We sat in front of my house for several moments. The more I was with him the more I wanted him. My reaction to his touch had to be a dream, a dream that hopefully will soon be forgotten. I finally answered. “Yes. I do want you to be my boyfriend.”

“Why the hesitation?” Alex asked tilting his head to the side. “I told you before, I would never force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“You aren’t forcing me… it’s just… I’ve never really had a boyfriend, so I’m not really sure how things are supposed to be.” Plus Brandon weighed heavy on my mind, but I couldn’t tell him that.

Alex’s boisterous laughter filled the small space of the car. “Honey.” He raised my hand to his lips totally erasing the thought of Brandon. “We make things the way we want them to be. There is no rulebook.”

“Go, have fun shopping tonight and get something gorgeous.” He winked urging me from the car.

I nodded and gave my new boyfriend a deserved kiss before climbing out of the car. “Call me tonight and let me know what color you get ok? In fact, can you send me a picture?”

I thought about it for a minute. “No I want it to be a surprise.”

“What? No- that’s not fair.” Alex climbed out of the car. “I need to know what color so I can match you.” He came to my side of the car and wrapped his arms around me tightly. Alex lowered his head to rest his lips against my neck- my favorite form of persuasion. But just as I started to giggle I saw mom step away from the living room window. Caught… again.

“I have to go. I’ll send you a picture of the color.” I stepped away but Alex pulled me back to him.

“Promise?” Alex squeezed me.

“I promise.”

I love you. He whispered as his lips brushed against mine. Without hesitation I whispered back I love you too.

My Mom, Jillian and I spent more than three hours shopping for dresses at the mall. It took that long to find one that mom and I would agree on and one that Jillian thought made her look like a princess. She was convinced that Gavin was her prince charming. I highly doubted it since she hadn’t known him that long.

I picked up a crystal blue beaded dress that accented my eyes wonderfully. It had an empire waist, spaghetti straps and chiffon ruffled overlay. It was beautiful and I hate to admit, I felt like a princess in it. Jillian pulled on a lavender ball gown with a corseted top and large bell-bottom. She looked like a princess too.

“Those are definitely the dresses!” Mom said as she looked at both of us in the mirrors.

“I agree!” The sales clerk chimed in. She didn’t have to hard sell us, but it was nice hearing that we looked just as good to someone else.

When Jillian took out her wallet to pay for her dress, I noticed a small bruise on the inside of her palm. “What’s that from?” I pointed to her hand and she quickly turned her palm down to the counter.

“It’s nothing.”

“Did something happen Jill?” I leaned in closer to her to keep my mother from hearing what I was saying. “Did someone hurt you? Did Gavin…”

Jillian burst into laughter. “Oh no, I did it with my curling iron. You know I’m not used to this whole girly girl thing.” She covered her hand quickly. I understand she wanted to look good for Gavin, but the whole transformation sort of freaked me out. I was cool experimenting with make-up but Jillian had gone full on super model.

“Maybe you should have Jamie look at it?”

“She’s a vet…” She blew me off.

“I know- but still she doctored me!” I pointed to my chest, the marks from Mr. Tinkles almost gone.

“I’m sure it’s fine.” She replied rolling her eyes trying to end the conversation.

But the sales clerk did it for her. “Will this do it for you?”

“Yes.” I replied but mom walked up with a pair of shoes, a necklace, a pair of earrings and a hair clip.

“These things too.” Mom smiled. “What? I can’t spoil my daughter for her first dance?”

“Thanks mom.” I got misty eyed from her excitement. I just wished I wasn’t so nervous.

c h a p t e r

SIXTEEN

The night of homecoming came quicker than I had planned or even wanted. I worked with Aunt Jamie until 7pm every night leading to homecoming then hung out with Alex until almost 11. We watched movies, played video games and went to the mall a few times. He even comforted me after Grant decided he would escape the yard when we were all gone. We blanketed my neighborhood and several of the surrounding ones with fliers searching for him, but so far, no replies. Alex offered to get me another dog, but it just wouldn’t be the same.

Jillian and I went to the beauty shop together to get our hair done. I had no idea what I wanted so the beautician told me to let her work her magic and she started to pull and yank at my long hair.

Jillian had chosen a tight French twist up-do with spiral curls cascading from the top. She looked at least five years older by the time her makeup was done. Her face and body were glowing, but when she saw me I thought her eyes were going to fall out of her head. “Oh my god. You look stunning.” She said, but I thought I should be saying it to her.

The beautician turned me around and I gazed at the girl turned super model staring back at me. I know I chastised Jill for this, but I felt fantastic. I wondered if Courtney and Ashley felt like this every morning; if they did, I could understand becoming addicted. My long hair hung in bouncy tendrils with two sections pulled back into the crystal clip mom had bought. My makeup done in blues and grays made my eyes glow crystal clear; the shade of red lipstick she smoothed onto my lips looked like blood and made my skin look translucent.

“Wow.” Mom said as she walked into the beauty shop with her camera. She promised she would stay away but obviously she couldn’t help herself. “I can’t believe…” I looked more like a woman on her wedding day, than a girl getting ready for homecoming.

Pulling the dress, shoes and jewelry on completed the package. I felt like a million dollars standing with my best friend as mom took pictures of us. I stole a minute of privacy in my bathroom to check my teeth and my hair before the limo showed up with Alex and Gavin. With the way I looked right now, I was thankful that mom insisted on the limo.

I applied another coat of the lipstick and smoothed a few sections of my hair. I rubbed lotion onto both of my hands then turned my palm up to look at the crescent moon that was now fading from sight. More than two weeks had past and not a word from Brandon. I hadn’t even seen him at school, then again I never did find his yellow slip and I had no idea how to contact him.

“The limo’s here!” Mom called from downstairs. “Hurry, I want pictures!”

I swallowed hard assessing myself one more time in the mirror. I concentrated on my feet as I walked unsteady on my heels down the stairs; the last thing I needed tonight was to tumble down them. I wanted to watch Alex get out of the limo but he was already in the house at the foot of the steps when I came into view. His eyes widened the moment my eyes met his. My heart raced as he gave me his knee-buckling grin. I almost slipped on the last step, but luckily Alex caught me.

“You are stunning.” Alex was wearing a jet-black classic tuxedo with a black bow tie. He had a crystal blue handkerchief sticking out of his lapel pocket that matched my dress. I smiled wryly; outside I may have been stunning but inside I was still me- the girl terrified of embarrassing herself.

He lifted my hand to kiss it and then easily slipped a diamond bracelet with flower charms hanging from it onto my wrist. The bracelet was breathtaking. I stared at it for a few moments before I could gather my thoughts.

“Alex… I can’t…”

“These flowers will last forever.” He smiled and kissed my hand again, obviously not willing to let me object.

“Ok guys, come together!” Mom had already arranged Gavin and Jillian in front of the picture window in the living room. The window perfectly framed them with the white stretch limo in the background. I had only been in a limo once before, when I won a contest in junior high and they took us out to dinner and a movie.

“No, Alex…” Mom pulled at Alex’s elbow changing the angle he was standing. “Ok, that’s better. Now Lacey…” She grabbed at my wrist and looked down quickly at the bracelet. I shook my head hoping she wouldn’t throw a fit; I intended on giving the bracelet back to Alex but didn’t want to explain to her now. Thankfully, mom understood and she covered the bracelet with her hand and squeezed. “There, that’s better.” She said as she stepped back to look at how we were standing. “OK, smile everyone!”

Click

Click

Click

Click… Click…Click…

And the pictures went on and on.

Alex finally saved us from my mother’s digital camera. He slid as close as he could to me on the side seat in the limo. Jillian and Gavin sat together on the back seat of the limo, their bodies just as close as ours were.

“I can’t wait to dance with you.” Alex whispered with his face to the nape of my neck. His hot breath sent chills down my spine; his fingers slowly ran down the length of my arm causing goose bumps to ripple my skin. “You look truly amazing.”

“Thank you.” I said quietly staring down at the sparkling gems hanging from my wrist. “I can’t accept this.” I started to unclasp it when his hand covered mine.

“Think of it as an early birthday gift.” Alex gave me his lazy grin that made his eyes narrow. He pulled back his collar- “I have a necklace that matches it. I love you, I wanted to give you something beautiful.” I stared deep into his eyes, my heart pounding, and my head racing- I leaned into him.

“Are we going to dinner first?” Gavin interrupted our moment. I almost forgot that we weren’t alone in the limo. I’m glad I didn’t grab his face and kiss him like I had wanted.

“Yeah, the driver has the directions.” Alex said to Gavin then turned his attention back to me running a finger down the length of my jaw line and brushed it across my lips. “We are going to have a great time tonight.” He said it with such confidence. I was hoping that my dress stayed in place and I didn’t step on his feet while we were dancing with these heels on or that I didn’t fall flat on my face.

Alex picked up on my trepidation to walk in my new heels and secured his arm tightly around my waist and slightly lifted me up the stairs to the restaurant. I was slightly embarrassed, but thankful he cared enough not to see me fall flat on my face. Gavin even helped Jillian with her yards and yards of fabric as she tried to get out of the limo. It was funny watching her tiny frame being overtaken by the lavender fabric and even funnier when Gavin finally grabbed her wrists and yanked her up and out of the mess. Alex and I tried hard not to laugh; I didn’t want to embarrass my friend. To my surprise, Jillian laughed and made a joke of it.

The restaurant that Alex had chosen for dinner was a high scale Italian eatery that had fresh baked pastries and smelled like oil and garlic. It was dimly lit and had candles and fresh flowers in the middle of each table. A kind older woman passed by the table and gave Jillian and I each a red rose. She said something in Italian that I didn’t understand and she kissed either side of our cheeks.

“She said you glow with love.” Alex whispered after the kind woman had left.

“You speak Italian?” I asked amazed.

“One of the benefits of traveling so much.” He kissed my hand. “I agree with her.”

Thankfully dinner went smoothly and I didn’t end up wearing any of my food or drink. The dance went just as quickly as dinner had. The four of us claimed a spot on the dance floor near each other and danced the night away. Alex and Gavin both were excellent dancers; Jillian and I did our best to follow their lead, but I stepped on Alex’s feet several times. Each time I did he said I’d have to make it up to him with a kiss; I definitely obliged. By midnight I realized why Cinderella really ran off from the ball, ditching one of her high heels along the way. My feet were killing me and while this dress was beautiful, it was horribly confining.

“I have one more surprise for you.” Alex ran the tip of his finger down my arm to claim my hand in his.

“Gavin you ready to go?” We walked hand in hand to the limo and he helped me back inside to our spot. My cheeks started to hurt from smiling so much. Alex caressed my arm, slowly brushing his hand up and down the length from my elbow to my wrist. My heart raced when we pulled up in front of the Fremont Hotel, the swankiest hotel in the area with its huge columns and grand ballroom.

“What are we doing here?” I tried to hide the excitement in my voice.

“It’s a surprise.” Alex gave the driver a tip and dismissed the limo. My mind raced at the possibilities. If I didn’t go home tonight, my parents would kill me, but if I walked away from him again, I don’t think he’d give me a third chance.

My body slightly shook as he led me inside the hotel and past the check in desk to the elevators. Jillian was smiling ear to ear in the elevator. I couldn’t tell if she was in on this surprise or not- she didn’t seem nervous at all.

Alex slid the key card into the door and flung it open to reveal a huge suite. My jaw practically hit the floor. There was a living room area decorated in roses and orchids in large crystal vases. There was a large cart with various deserts and a wine bucket chilling a large bottle. I laughed when I realized it was apple cider, not champagne or wine.

“I know you don’t drink.” Alex whispered against my neck and then took off his jacket to rest on the chair. “Ok ladies, there are clothes for you to change into in the room over there. We have a selection of movies to watch and video games to play. There is even a pool and a spa downstairs if you guys are interested.” Alex grinned. I hadn’t expected there to be activities; usually when a guy takes a girl to a hotel it is for one thing and one thing only. I was motionless for several moments looking at Alex. Jillian and Gavin were wrapped in an embrace that made me look away. “Don’t be nervous.” Alex whispered. “Go ahead.” He gestured to the door as Jillian finally pulled herself away from Gavin.

Jillian and I went into the bedroom and found sweats, shorts, jeans, swim suits and shoes to change into. Jillian slid easily into a low cut tank top and a form fitting pair of jeans. I slid into jeans and a tank top that matched Jillian and a pair of flip flops, my feet so thankful to finally be out of the heels, but my mind felt like it would explode.

“This is amazing, isn’t it?” Jillian said as she fixed her makeup in the mirror. “The dance was awesome!” She slicked on another layer of frosted pink lip-gloss. “Can you believe how everyone kept staring at us at the dance? I swear, Courtney looked like she was going to kill you when we were dancing.” I watched as she carefully applied another coat of mascara, my friend had really changed and I’m not sure it was for the better. The mark in the palm caught my eye as she restyled her hair; it was more pronounced and definitely did not look like a burn. I couldn’t tell from the reflection what it was and the last time I asked her about it, she blew me off.

“You ready?” Jillian grabbed my wrist pulling me out of my stare. “That bracelet is gorgeous. You’re not really going to give it back are you?”

“I have to! I can’t keep something this expensive.”

“Yes you can.” Jillian winked and nudged me with her elbow. “Just Alex may expect something in return.”

Something… I hadn’t let my mind get to that yet.

c h a p t e r

SEVENTEEN

Alex’s strong hands swirled through the water lifting my legs to rest across him in the spa. The churning bubbles in the water covered my hair and face in mist. I knew my hair would be flat by the time we got out of the spa. I tried in vain to keep my hair out of the water and from the mist. I pushed it up and back to rest over the side of the spa, but I could feel the ends were already limp and damp. I gingerly ran my hands over my cheeks to wipe away some of the water, but every time I did I felt my makeup smudging.

Alex stilled my hand as I passed my fingers under my eye clearing more mist away. “Don’t worry, you look wonderful.” He winked and then held my hand on his leg under the water stopping my fidgeting. His other hand rested perfectly on my thigh, his thumb mindlessly rubbing a lopsided circle. I wasn’t sure if it was inexperience, afraid of getting caught or my sickness but my nerves were shot.

Gavin had his back to us in the pool and Jillian was pressed against him. We could see her hands twisted in his hair and hear her giggling. She’s moving too fast with him. I thought as she laughed louder. I had never seen her head over heels for anyone, she was cautious with her feelings like I was. She had crushes, but none that had really gone any further than that.

I jumped when Alex brushed his hands across my collarbone distracting me from my thoughts of Jillian. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing, why?” I’m sure my voice gave me away.

“You seem worlds away right now.” Alex squeezed my hand. “Do you want to go home?” Alex was hoping that I would say no. He pulled me back to our own situation, my own slip with my emotions.

“It’s not that. I don’t want to get in trouble…” I looked over at Jillian and Gavin still making out hot and heavy. I tried to deflect the attention from us. “Is he a good guy? I mean… really? I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Alex grinned. “You don’t trust easily, do you?”

Caught off guard by his accusation, I asked. “What?”

“When I told you I loved you, the look on your face told me that you doubted it. Now because your friend is happy and seems to be in love, it can’t be real because it happened so quickly?”

I took my legs off his lap and sat upright in the spa. “I told you I haven’t really had a boyfriend before. I don’t know how things are going to go and this has just happened so quickly.”

Alex fired back- “So you think because things have been easy that it can’t be real? That my feelings can’t be real?” Alex scooted half of a seat away from me.

We were having our first real argument; I started to get more frustrated. He probably had dozens of girlfriends and had been in love more times than I could count, how could I get him to understand that love didn’t come easily for me. I couldn’t understand how Jillian, who was more like me than anyone else, had completely transformed in less than a month to be a mushy, lovey-dovey princess and worse how can I make him understand without sounding like a jealous bitch over her happiness?

“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” It was easier to walk away than to try to explain the relationship with my friend of more than ten years. I got up and exited the spa, covering myself with a towel and stormed off towards the hotel room. Tonight had gone perfectly and now it was ending in disaster. I slammed the bathroom door and jumped into the shower to take off the rest of my makeup and get the hair spray out of my hair. I toweled off and slid my dress back on leaving the clothing that Alex had bought on the counter; the beautiful diamond bracelet next to it. I’m sure after my mature exit from the spa that he would regret giving it to me; regret bringing me here.

I picked up my purse and forcefully threw my makeup into it. I took out my cell phone to call a cab to come take me home and wondered if I should force Jillian to leave with me tonight. I don’t know what I would tell them, or for that fact, what Alex may have already told them about my abrupt exit from the spa. I’m sure this was the end for us. Monday he’d probably move onto Courtney or Ashley.

I walked out of the bathroom, determined that my friend would have to leave with me. I didn’t trust leaving her overnight with Gavin. Besides, after how much Jillian had changed, I’m not sure I could trust her here either.

“What did I do?” Alex stood from the bed as I walked out of the bathroom. His eyes were red like he had been crying.

“You didn’t DO anything.” I answered but headed for the door. Alex wrapped his forearm around my waist stopping me.

“Talk to me.” He pulled at my side to face him. Heat radiated off his bare chest against my shoulder and I closed my eyes for a moment enjoying his smooth touch. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. “Please just tell me what is wrong. I don’t want you leaving mad at me. If I’ve done something I want the chance to apologize, or explain my action.”

Alex’s hand rested at my jaw line. Small red lines like spider webs surrounded his deep brown eyes; a thin layer of moisture threatened to escape from his bottom lashes. I had never seen him so upset before and it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest any second to heal his pain and beg for his forgiveness.

“Alex, I can’t do this. This is too new and it’s happening too fast.”

Alex released his hold on me and backed up. “Not an hour ago you said you loved me. How did I make you fall out of love with me?”

“You didn’t…”

“Then how can you stand here telling me this is happening too quickly? Are you sure you loved me at all?” I watched as he blinked his eyes hard and a lone tear trailed down his cheek. Taking a deep breath, I stepped back. I didn’t want to hurt him and this argument was over Jillian and my insecurity, not over something he had done.

“It’s not that I don’t love you or that I’m not in love with you. It’s just less than two months ago, I doubted I knew what love even was… and now it just feels like everything is being rushed.”

“Then why are you pushing me away?”

“I’m not.” I responded, defensively. He saw right through my avoidance in the spa.

Alex stepped closer and cupped my face in his hands. “Do you love me?” He said the words slow and determined; his eyes pleading me to say yes.

I thought carefully before answering. I had never felt this way for anyone before… except Brandon; and those feelings were more intense than what I had for Alex. But I wasn’t sure that was even real and Brandon was gone again.

“Yes. I do love you.” He could have any girl he wanted and he was fighting with me, for me. I would be crazy not to do everything I could to keep my first real relationship intact.

“Then what should be or what happens between us, is up to us. We can go as fast or as slow as you want.” He leaned in and brushed his face against mine taking in a deep breath. “I will never make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

It was hard to think with his face so close to mine and his warm breath trailing down my neck, my breathing staggered. “I know you wouldn’t. I’m just worried for my friend and I took it out on you.”

Alex smiled and leaned his forehead to mine. “I know you are and that is why I love you so much. But Jillian is happy and in love and I’ve never seen Gavin so happy either. I’m glad he has found someone that makes him just as happy as you make me.” He pressed his lips to my forehead and then whispered I love you.

I love you too. I whispered back to him. Whatever I’ve done to deserve him I’d do again three times over if I could keep him forever.

“Come on. Do you want to watch a movie?” He took his hand in mine and then stopped. “You need to change clothes first.” Alex pointed to my dress; I forgot that I had it on. I walked back into the restroom to change and realized Alex had followed me.

We were both silent for several moments looking at each other. Alex moved before my heart started to beat again. I held my breath as he reached for the zipper to the dress. His eyes searched mine for approval. I wasn’t sure I gave it when my dress fell into a pile on the floor. My whole body tensed and I closed my eyes trying to steady my nerves. His strong hands rubbed across my collarbone and down my shoulders to my wrists. He lifted both of my hands to rest behind his neck and he wrapped his arms around me securing every inch of my body to his. The tight muscles in his stomach against my bare stomach made me take another deep breath. I finally opened my eyes accepting what would be happening next. He swallowed hard and his arms contracted then released when my eyes matched his. Thankfully, I had worn my matching lace bra and panty set that mom had gotten me at Christmas. I stole quick glances in the mirror at myself, the supermodel was gone and she was replaced by me; with limp hair and no makeup, I regretted taking the shower.

You’re perfect. Alex said as he traced his fingers across the lace edging of the cup of my bra. He claimed my lips with his and my head started spinning. I can’t concentrate on anything other than his smooth skin pressed against me.

When the tips of his fingers pressed into my back, I followed his lead and ran the pads of my fingers down his. Alex’s body shook slightly giving me instant gratification. But the minute I thought I had taken control of the situation, he swiftly picked me up by my thighs and rested me on the edge of the counter, wrapping my legs around his back and keeping his body firmly to me. His hands roamed my body then snaked up into my wet hair pulling my face to his. His heart was pounding beneath his skin; his lips felt just as nervous and excited as mine. I didn’t want him to stop touching me; every part of my body was on fire like nothing I had ever experienced before.

“Hey you guys in here?” Jillian called from the other room. Alex pulled back from me and let out a deep sigh.

“I’m considering telling her no.” He whispered. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he had. My body wanted him to tell her to go away and never come back. “Yeah, we’ll be right out.”

“Ok pizza will be here in twenty.” She called out cheerfully. “Take your time!”

I covered my face with my hands, my skin caught on fire, but in a much different way. I buried my face into Alex’s chest. His protective arms wrapped around me and rubbed my back as he let out a small laugh. “I guess we are having pizza.” Alex kissed the top of my head. “Don’t worry about it. She knows we love each other.”

I shook my head. “I know she does. It’s just embarrassing that she probably knows what we are doing in here.”

Alex smiled wider and raised his eyebrow. “What are we doing in here?”

I playfully smacked him on the arm, trying to hide my smirk. “You know.”

“Yes, but it always seems to get interrupted.” He kissed me passionately again before picking up my t-shirt from the counter. I breathed heavy trying to calm down as he helps me into my shirt and pants; his fingers meandered along the waistline.

“Rain check?” Alex gave me his mischievous grin.

By 2:30 a.m., I’m exhausted and ready to go home. “How are we getting home?” I asked Alex looking over at Jillian who is sleeping across Gavin.

Alex tugged me closer. “You aren’t. I got permission for you to stay the night.”

“WHAT?” I jumped off the couch. There was no way my parents would allow it.

“I talked to your parents this morning and asked if you could stay. They said yes as long as Jillian was here with you. They have all the information for the room and the hotel.” He grinned. I looked at him in disbelief.

“I’m surprised my parents said yes.” They must have been half asleep, or maybe dad was drunk and mom was self medicated.

“Well they did. They said you were almost 18 and since this was your first dance and I promised I’d take care of you… although they did tell me if anything happened to you that I would be a goner.” That sounded more like my parents.

My first night in a hotel room without my parents, I wasn’t sure if I was more excited or nervous. “I guess I should say thank you then.”

“You are welcome.” His fingertips brushed my lips. “I told you I’d do anything for you.” He definitely proved it- I don’t think I would have been brave enough to ask my parents to stay in a hotel overnight.

I dozed off by the end of the movie. Let’s go. Alex whispered in my ear, but I couldn’t will my body to move. I wrapped my arms around his neck softly as he carried me towards the bedroom. I was only slightly aware of him taking off my shirt and replacing it with a tank top. He slid my jeans carefully off my legs and laid me back on the bed covering me with the sheets; they felt like heaven against my skin. I opened my eyes slightly in time to see him take off his shirt. The muscles in his back rolled and tightened as he leaned over to pull off his shorts. My breath quickened and suddenly I was no longer sleepy. Alex turned off the lights in the bedroom and the bed jostled as he climbed in. I held my breath but couldn’t control my rapid heartbeat as I anticipated his next move. I wondered if we would pick up where we left off.

Adrenaline rushed through me as Alex rested his arm around my midsection and put his head against my shoulder to rest close to my face. When he let out a deep breath, I felt his entire body relax and conform to mine. He surrounded me easily making me a part of him. I love you. He whispered.

The feeling of his smooth heartbeat against my back mesmerized me, as we lay cuddled against each other. The sun poured through the windows and the curtains gently rustled from the wind. Birds singing in the trees and the laughter of children floated in through the windows. “You shouldn’t be here with him.” His lips brushed against my neck. “We belong together. You have to come back to me.” He kissed my neck sending chills through my entire body. “You are my destiny. My mate.” I rolled over to see what Alex was talking about. Laying here with him felt so perfect, I couldn’t understand how he could say I didn’t belong with him.

“What do you mean…?” I stopped mid-sentence. Lying next to me was Brandon.

I started to get up from the bed, but he stopped me resting his hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb under my eye. I blinked hard trying to make sure he was really there. “You know this isn’t right. You know you aren’t supposed to be with him. If you do this with him… if you continue to fall in love with him… I will die.” His words echoed in my ears vibrating my body. I barely knew him but tears started to form in my eyes.

I shot straight up in bed trying to untangle myself from the mass of sheets that were twisted around my arms and legs. The room was still dark, the sun not coming in the windows and there was no wind. Alex hastily wrapped his strong arms around me as I glanced at the clock.

3:48am.

“What’s wrong?” Alex was panicked; I could feel his heart beating rapidly; his chest pressed firmly to my side. I took in several deep breaths. “Babe?”

“I’m fine. I’m sorry.”

“Did you have a nightmare?” Alex pulled my hair back from my neck and pressed his lips to my shoulder.

I nodded. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.”

“That’s ok. I’m sorry you are still having bad dreams. I’ll never let anything happen to you.” He kissed me and pulled at my arm to snuggle back down into bed with him. Trying to shake off my dream, I rested my head on his chest and relaxed my body into his as he rubbed my spine. “What was your dream this time?”

My heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t tell him that I had dreamed I woke up next to someone else. “I don’t really remember.”

Alex hesitated before responding. “Well, hopefully whatever it was is gone for good now that I’m here.” He kissed my forehead and held me tightly against him. I wasn’t sure I wanted Brandon gone, even though I had Alex.

Remember Lacey, Remember.

c h a p t e r

EIGHTEEN

Brandon’s words haunted me, as I got ready for school Monday morning.

I will die.

Alex was already waiting at the curb for me when I walked outside.

“Hey babe. You look fantastic.” He opened the car door for me. “Did you get grilled when I dropped you off yesterday?” He grinned. “I almost felt bad leaving you here to deal with them alone.”

“I think mom made me turn around twenty times to check me over.” I laughed. “I think she was checking to see if you left any marks.”

“I could’ve…” Alex narrowed his eyes and pulled up one corner of his mouth. My heart fluttered when he looked at me like that. “If I had known you were into that.”

I smacked his arm. “I’m not into that.”

“Oh ok… I thought I missed my chance.” He laughed. “So has anyone called about Grant yet?”

I looked down at my book bag. “No, nothing.”

Alex squeezed my hand. “I’ll get you another dog. Just say the word. What kind do you want? Lab? Poodle? Cocker?”

“No, my dad would kill me. He didn’t want me keeping Grant in the first place.” I stared out the window just in time to see one of my lost signs on the telephone pole by the school. It was crumpled and weathered; the writing had started to run. “I’ll have to hang up more signs.”

“I can help you this weekend, if you want. Do you have to work until 7 again tonight?”

“Yeah, Aunt Jamie said that she has two surgeries this afternoon, so I’ll probably be there late.”

Alex pulled into his normal spot in the parking lot. “I can wait for you.”

“Actually, would you mind if my Aunt gave me a ride home? I have something I need to talk to her about.”

Alex examined my face for a moment. “Sure. Do you want me to come over afterwards?”

I hesitated. I had spent every free minute with Alex the last few weeks. “I don’t know what time I’ll be home.”

Alex put the car in park and turned off the engine. He sat still as a statue in his seat staring over the dashboard. There was an uncomfortable silence in the car. “Is there something wrong?”

“No, why?” I didn’t want to tell him I was used to being alone.

Alex drummed his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. “It seems like there is…”

Silence.

Silence.

“Is this about Saturday?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bracelet that I had slipped into his coat pocket when he dropped me off. He laid it flat in the palm of his hand and rubbed his fingers slowly over each of the diamond flowers; his flower pendant hung just below the collar of his shirt. “Because it kind of feels like you were looking for closure when I dropped you off yesterday.”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t accept the bracelet and I had no idea what to say after sharing a bed with him, and dreaming about being in love with someone else all night long. I was betraying Brandon just being in the car with Alex this morning if what he told me in my dream was true. Brandon said if I fell in love with Alex that he would die. That was the last thing I wanted.

“Alex, I can’t accept such an expensive gift. My parents would never allow it.”

“Did you bother asking them?” He outstretched his hand and wrapped his fingers around mine.

“No, I know they wouldn’t. That bracelet is way too much.”

“Well you didn’t think they’d let you stay at the hotel either. You deserve the bracelet. It’s not too much.” He hesitated and furrowed his eyebrows. “Why didn’t you call me last night?”

“I had homework I had to do and I had to face the Spanish inquisition from my parents about the fact that I stayed all night in a hotel room with a boy they barely know.” I didn’t break eye contact with him, even though my palms were sweating. He was challenging me and I wasn’t backing down.

Alex tightened his grip on my hand. “I thought you said it wasn’t that bad.”

“I didn’t want to make you feel bad. Mom quizzed me for over an hour before dad started in.” I was laying it on thick. Both my parents did ask questions, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Alex glared at me and for a moment I thought he knew that I was lying to him. “I’m sorry they were so tough on you.” He swiftly shoved the bracelet back into his pocket and silence filled the car again. I shifted my weight on the seat and watched students pass the car heading into the school. We would be late if we lingered in the car much longer but that was the least of my problems.

“Alex…” My voice sounded meek. I had no idea what to say. I was confused. If I loved Alex, why did I dream of Brandon? And if I loved Brandon then why would my mind and body want Alex.

“Lacey, I love you more than anything.” Alex searched my eyes. “I want you to be happy… with me.” He squeezed my hand. “If I’ve done something to upset you or if I made you uncomfortable with anything I did on Saturday, please tell me.”

My skin tingled under his fingertips; his eyes made the butterflies in my stomach threaten to fly out and around the car. “I don’t want to sound like a broken record. I’ve never slept with anyone.” I smiled uncomfortably. “I meant, I’ve never stayed overnight with someone like that. I just don’t think I knew what to say to you the next morning. I mean…” I couldn’t find the right words. I really didn’t know what to say to him the next morning and I felt uncomfortable being near him, but not because I slept with him. If Brandon insisted on disappearing all the time, I just wished he’d stay gone so I could move on.

“So it’s not because you didn’t want to stay in the hotel with me…?”

“No, not that. I wanted to stay with you. I guess I’m just not good at these types of things.” I half smiled at him, hoping he was ok with my explanation.

“Come here babe.” He pulled at my wrist. “I love you.” Alex kissed me softly and I kissed him back, pushing the thoughts of Brandon from my mind as I focused on Alex. My skin rippled with goose bumps; my head telling me this was wrong, my heart saying this was right.

“I love you too.” I say as my thoughts swirled with confusion.

“We have to get going. We are going to be late.”

The first three classes all I did was run through my awkward conversation with Alex this morning and the desperation in Brandon’s voice that he would die if I fall further in love with Alex. I wish Brandon would come back and prove to me that his presence in my life was real; that I wasn’t really loosing my mind and that this relationship we had lived in dreams was my destiny.

Jillian met me in the hallway before fourth period. She was beaming still after her night with Gavin. “How are things with you and Alex? What did he say this morning about you giving him the bracelet back?”

“He was upset.” I paused and looked to see if Alex was around. “He was really pushy about why I didn’t call him last night. He is being…” I couldn’t find the right words. “I guess possessive. I think he thinks I don’t want to be with him.”

“Is this about Brandon?” Jillian folded her arms across her chest and tapped her foot on the ground; her hair fell around her shoulders as the sun accentuated her newly faked tan.

“No…” I couldn’t decide whether I should tell her about my dream on Saturday night or not. I don’t really want to hear her opinion right now.

“You don’t sound so sure.” She curled her lip and sneered. “What does this Brandon guy have that Alex doesn’t? I mean seriously- the guy shows up and doesn’t explain anything and then disappears. You haven’t even seen him. I think he’s a loser. Alex is way better for you than Brandon is.”

Her indignant tone rubbed me the wrong way; other than the snobs at school, I had never heard her put down anyone. Before I could tell her I thought she was being a bitch, Alex appeared with a single red rose.

“For you my love.” He kissed my cheek and pulled me into the classroom. He settled his chair in his normal spot next to me at our table. I listened idly as Jillian and Alex chatted about a trip to the San Antonio Mountains over the coming weekend. Alex and Gavin had gone hiking up there before summer and they wanted to go to this ski lodge up there. Alex wanted to make it an overnight trip and Jillian instantly agreed. I felt numb. I shook my head at all the appropriate times, but in actuality I had no interest in going to the mountains with either of them right now. It felt like Jillian was pushing me towards Alex and she didn’t know Brandon well enough to put him down. Then again, I didn’t know enough about Brandon to be imagining my future with him either or jeopardize what I had with Alex for him.

When class was over I barely listened to the two of them as I walked to my locker to put my books away. I pulled out my iPod and untangled my headphones. “Hey, I’m going to walk today.”

Jillian and Alex both stopped their conversation to stare at me. “I thought I was driving you?” Alex said before Jillian added. “I can take you.”

I looked from Alex to Jillian; they didn’t get the hint. “You don’t have your car, Gavin brought you today and it’s a nice day out, I want to walk.” Before either of them could object I shoved my headphones in and headed in the opposite direction.

Linkin Park blared in my ears as I got out the gate of the parking lot and on to the sidewalk. The cheerleaders on the field practiced their routines and football players were suited up running plays. The band students were huddled around Stephen Vinson’s panel van exchanging sheet music. Courtney was in her car yelling at someone on her cell phone. Thomas and Liz were in his car a few spots down making out. I’m sure Courtney knew that they were there. Alex should be with someone like Courtney, not me. She was beautiful and athletic; although she wasn’t the smartest cookie in the bunch. She seemed more his type: needy, slutty and devoid of a mind of her own.

A strong hand wrapped around my elbow and my whole body tensed as I jumped. “Whoa. It’s just me.” Alex threw up his hands, his Camaro parked at the curb. My music was so loud I hadn’t heard him pull up behind me.

I yanked out my earphones and held myself back from yelling at him for scaring me. “What do you want?” I asked bitterly.

Alex didn’t respond at first, he looked at the kids on the field and the people in their cars. “I just… Are you sure you are ok?”

“I’m fine. Stop asking me.” I folded my arms across my chest.

Alex stared waiting for me to add more. But I didn’t.

“Ok, ummm… do you have a problem with people caring for you?”

I don’t know what got into me, but I decided to be honest, brutally honest. “No, but I DO have a problem with people trying to smother me.” Ouch. I shouldn’t have said that and the look on Alex’s face made me instantly regret how insensitive I was.

Before I could apologize, Alex said, “I didn’t realize you felt that way. I’m sorry that I care about you.” He shoved his hands hard into his pockets and turned towards his Camaro. He didn’t look at me as the car roared to life and headed away from school. I watched as the car turned the corner at the end of the road, barely stopping at the stop sign.

I felt miserable for how I treated Alex. I doodled on the desk calendar while Michelle finished reconciling the appointment log from the day. My Aunt was coming over for dinner tonight so I was hanging out waiting for her to drive me home.

“Any calls on Grant?” Michelle asked as she put the logbooks into the filing cabinets.

“No, none yet.” I tapped the pen on the book. I missed Grant. With Jillian being so strange lately and Alex coming on so strong, I really needed an impartial friend.

“I’m sure he went home.” Michelle tried to make me feel better.

“Your mom said he was up to half a pound of hamburger a day! I wouldn’t think he’d want to go anywhere.” My Aunt laughed as she put on her jacket and picked up her purse. I guess she didn’t realize that Michelle was trying to make me feel better. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” I grabbed my backpack and my iPod.

“I’m sure Michelle is right. He probably went home.”

“Are you still calling the shelters for me?” I asked her as we climbed into her car.

“Yes, but still no luck. I’ll keep calling for you though.”

Mom and Dad were both in the kitchen when we got home. Mom took out a small package and handed it to me. “Alex came by today.” She sounded concerned. Dad and Jamie both turned to look at us, gauging my reaction. Mom noticed immediately and led me into the living room away from their prying eyes. I’m sure she knew I’d shut down with the audience. “So do you want to talk about it? Did something happen on Saturday that we need to know about?”

“No, mom nothing happened with him. It’s just…” I glanced towards the kitchen and looked at the small package in my hand. “He already told me he loves me and I just think he’s smothering me.”

Mom gave me a knowing smile. “Honey, first loves are always hard. Do you love him?”

I considered her question for several moments before answering. “Yes.”

“But you hesitated. What is it? Are you scared that you are moving too quickly with him?”

“Sort of. I mean… it’s like we met and BOOM we’re in love.” I couldn’t believe I was confiding in her, but at this point I really had no one else.

Mom laughed. “Sometimes there are just people that come into your life that you are going to have an instant connection with, then there are others that you have to work on. Alex and I spoke for a few minutes when he was here; he is a very worldly, knowledgeable boy.” Mom sat on the couch and I claimed the spot next to her hanging on her every word. “Alex has already had a lot of experiences in his life that you haven’t even dreamed of yet. I think he has already been able to hone in on the qualities that he is looking for in a person, in a partner. He is looking for the long haul.” She smiled. “Give him some time.” She encouraged. “He needs to be patient with you. If he loves you he will step back and take his time. I told him you were new to being in love and being intimate.”

“Mom- please tell me you didn’t tell him that.” I felt flushed.

“What? It’s the truth isn’t it?” I wish she hadn’t told him that.

Oh god. We were going to have THE TALK. “No mom. It’s not. I’m not a virgin anymore.”

My mother’s face turned ghostly white. “You haven’t even had a serious boyfriend yet!”

“Mom- it’s not like I’ve slept around, it was one time with a boy in band. I just wanted to know what the fuss was about.” I waited for her to go ballistic.

Mom’s knuckles turned white as her fingers tug into the pillow on her lap. “I thought I raised you better than that. You didn’t love the boy?”

Averting my gaze I answered. “No.”

Instead of becoming enraged, it surprised me that she seemed relieved as she rubbed my hand gently with hers. “I’m glad you told me, but not glad that I’m finding out this way. You should’ve come and talked to me.”

“Mom- how was I going to tell you that my first time was horrible and I regretted it?”

She let out a small laugh, “Baby that is how most people’s first time is.” She hugged me tightly. “Give Alex some time. He genuinely loves you and he is at his wits end.” She pointed to the gift. “I’m sure I know what is in there.”

I pulled at the large red bow and slid the top off with shaky fingers. Inside was a single red rose and my bracelet wrapped around a small satin white pillow. She leaned over and looked in the box. “I told him we would allow you to keep it- unless you break up. Then it goes back to him. He seemed ok with that.” Looping her tiny fingers around the bracelet, she pulled it from the box and clasped it onto my wrist. Mesmerized by it sparkling in the light, I wondered what else mom had told Alex, or worse yet, what he had told her. It was blatantly obvious that mom’s decision had been made- her choice was Alex. She probably already bought wedding books and stashed them somewhere. I’m sure she thought Alex would be a way to keep me from moving to San Diego… she was wrong.

c h a p t e r

NINETEEN

By Friday I was exhausted. My nightmares grew more intense and more detailed of my day at the stream with Brandon. Watching his body painfully thrash and turn into a ferocious wolf had soaked deep into my brain and couldn’t be erased. Every night I woke up covered in sweat and screaming. At least when Grant was here I could snuggle against him and pet his soft fur until I was asleep, but now the only comfort I had was my big empty bed and the blanket my Aunt made me.

Alex dropped me off at the clinic after school was out. I tried not to let it bother me that he had talked to my mother about our relationship. I wore the bracelet every day and while I thought it was beautiful, it felt like he claimed me every time I slipped it onto my wrist.

Aunt Jamie and Michelle were behind the counter looking through gossip magazines when I walked through the door. They were watching the clock for closing time to come. They definitely did not need my help. I asked to go home and grabbed my stuff together when she said yes. Alex wanted me to call him when I was ready to go, but all I wanted to do was go home and take a nap. I turned down a ride from my Aunt and walked home instead.

The house was eerily calm when I walked in the door. Neither of my parents were home from work. I grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen and headed up to my bedroom to lie down. I needed to get some rest and figure out how to make the nightmares stop. Jillian tried to talk me into going to the lodge this weekend, but I made up an excuse to stay home.

I used to tell her practically anything, but when I started to tell her issues I had with Alex she became defensive. After I told her that I was upset that he had brought mom into our relationship she asked me what was wrong with me and told me I needed to wake up and realize what a good thing I had going with him. Since then, I haven’t said much to her about Alex and she hasn’t brought it up either. I also hadn’t mentioned my nightmares, it would be my luck they would try to stage some kind of crazy intervention.

I drew the curtains closed tightly; blocking out as much sun as I could from my room. I set my iPod to shuffle and slid in the earphones as I settled onto my bed. I closed my eyes only for a minute when I felt a finger tapping on my foot. I shot up from my bed and watched as my iPod flew to the floor taking my headphones with it.

“Sorry to wake you.” Lily said calmly as she perched delicately on the footboard of my bed. I blinked hard several times and looked around my room. The sun was no longer seeping through the edges of the curtains. I glanced over at the clock, it was 7pm. I had been asleep for several hours, but it didn’t feel like it. I was still exhausted.

“What are you doing here?” I pulled my knees up to my chest. Lily’s eyes were black as the night as she surveyed my room and looked back at me.

“You haven’t come to me, so I had to come to you.” She said as she shifted forward to kneel on my mattress; her doll-like white dress crumpled at her knees. “They’ve taken Brandon. Matt and Trevor have called for reinforcements from the pack. Brandon must be united with you again.” She picked up my hand and turned it over. Her tiny finger traced the small dot of purple that used to be the crescent. Lily turned her palm over to show me a purple crescent on hers. “Most of us have our mate the entire time we are growing. Our marks appear instantly, binding us to our other half for the rest of our lives.” Lily smiled. “Matt is my soul mate, his mark is darker than mine since he has already transformed. He is my protector and my mark darkens and grows the more we are together and the closer I become to my transformation.” She swirled her finger on my palm again. “Yours has faded because your connection and bond with Brandon is being broken by Alex. The longer that bond is broken, the longer it will take for your transformation to occur. Brandon will have to wait for you and the two of you won’t be whole until you transform.”

This had to be a dream. I looked around my room for any indication that Brandon would jump out of somewhere as a werewolf, but there was nothing. “Maybe I don’t want to transform.”

Lily’s eyes widened like her lids would tear apart under the pressure. “You have to transform.”

I shifted on the bed and moved towards the edge to get up. “I don’t have to do anything.” I grabbed my robe from the chair and slipped it on. “I know this is a dream and I will wake up from it.”

“This is not a dream. This is the truth.” She said sternly and stood up on my bed.

“Lily, where is Brandon?” I tried to distract her as I moved towards the door.

“Matt and Trevor are looking for him, but Brandon is growing weaker the longer he is away from you.” Lily hopped down effortlessly from the edge of the bed to stand directly in front of me, blocking the doorway.

“This is just a dream.” I repeated to myself and started to pinch my arm hoping to stir myself awake before I had to watch Lily turn into a monster. If this dream was like the others, she’d be ripping apart any minute now. I heard the front door open downstairs.

“If you don’t transform, Brandon will die. You cannot remain a half of a whole. If you do not go to him, he will not be strong enough to defend himself. You must save him.” Her words were ominous as her eyes grew blacker than the night sky.

You must save him.

“How do you expect me to do that?” I threw my hands in the air.

“You have to stop seeing Alex.” She pointed to the bracelet on my wrist. “You can not love him; you have to stop loving him. Alex is the reason Brandon is fading away.” I guess I had always known that. Your heart can’t be in two places at once, at least not while maintaining a relationship. Lily looked like she was going to cry. “Please Lacey, you are Brandon’s mate. He’s risked everything to be here with you, to protect you. You have to help him.”

The lights turned on in my room causing me to see stars as my eyes adjusted from the darkness. “What are you doing home so soon?” My mother asked. I glanced around the room quickly- Lily was nowhere in sight. “Lacey?” This had to be another dream.

“I don’t feel well.” I said quietly and then threw up everywhere.

Jillian and Alex both came by the house the next morning. I could hear their muffled voices downstairs. Jillian protested that I was faking being sick to get out of going with them. I dreamed all night about Lily and replayed what she said word for word. The more I was around Alex; the more Brandon was being kept away from me. I stared hard at the bracelet hanging from my wrist as Lily’s words repeated in my head. Without thinking twice I slipped it off and laid it on the dresser. There was no way I’d wear it today for what I had planned; what I had to do.

I wasn’t sure I would be able to find the house that Brandon had taken me to. But at this point, I needed answers for what was happening to me. My skin felt like it was on fire and I couldn’t stop sweating. I didn’t have a temperature, but when mom brought me the thermometer, I held it under hot water until it said I was a toasty 103. That was enough for her to tell my friends I wasn’t leaving the house.

Thankfully my Aunt made mom keep her promise to go to the farmer’s market with her. Dad was at a conference for his work. I’d have the house to myself, or rather the afternoon to myself to try to find Brandon’s house. As soon as mom and Aunt were out the door, I sprung off the bed, pulled on some clothing and bounded out the front door. Looking briefly at mom’s car, I tossed aside the idea of taking it. I knew I’d get into more trouble if I took it and they found out about it.

I pulled dad’s old bicycle out of the garage and headed towards the subdivision that Brandon had taken me in my dream/nightmare… reality? All the houses on the street looked the same. The street looked so familiar, but I started to doubt that I had ever actually been there. I didn’t see Brandon’s truck in any of the driveways and I didn’t have a phone number to call. I stopped peddling and looked up and down the street for the house. I closed my eyes and tried to remember walking up the sidewalk with him to the front door; Brandon put the key in the door. The door was red; the house numbers next to the door said 12578. My eyes shot open and I looked at the number on the house beside me- 12570. I would never have known the numbers on this street if I hadn’t actually been here. I hurried three houses down and saw it- the crimson red door with gold handles and the numbers 12578. It was real and I had been here. Thank god I’m not totally loosing my mind.

Brandon’s truck wasn’t in the driveway. I tucked my bike behind the bushes and walked slowly up to the front door trying to formulate what I would say when I finally see Brandon or Lily. I stood at the front door for several moments before I finally got the nerve to knock.

The petite blonde that I had passed on the sidewalk the last time I was here answered the door. Her eyes were bright green, the color of grass after a rainfall. I felt my knees going weak and put my hand on the doorway to steady myself.

“Lacey?” The woman’s voice sounded like music. “Are you ok honey?” She held out her hand to draw me inside. The further I walked into the house, the weaker I felt. “LILY!” She called towards the back of the house. The woman was stronger than she looked; she easily carried me to the couch. Lily came from the kitchen and settled beside me.

“Lacey, are you ok?” Lily asked as she smoothed my hair away from my face.

“Brandon?” I asked confused. My head foggy as I tried to decide if I was really here or if that long bike ride was another dream.

Lily stood up and backed away. “He’s not here. I told you they have him.” The woman tried to quiet Lily; she turned her around and sent her back into the kitchen.

The woman came and sat on the edge of the couch, her kind eyes surveying every inch of me. “I’m Emile. It’s nice to finally meet you Lacey.”

“Where is Brandon?” I asked, determined this couldn’t be a dream and I needed to see Brandon to validate it.

Emile’s face turned somber. “In his weakened state, they were able to take him.” She turns my hand over to stare at my palm, as tears formed in her eye. “He needs you to be strong for him. If you do not fully transform and complete the union, Brandon will die.” She hesitated, “And so will you.”

“WHAT?” I gathered all the energy I could and sat up from the couch, instantly feeling light headed and nauseated. “What do you mean I will die?”

“That is why they sent Alex for you. If he was able to stop your transformation, then Brandon would die.” She cleared a few tears from her cheek. “The two of you need each other to survive.”

I tried to stand but found my body growing weaker. I fell back quickly onto the couch. “Easy honey, easy. Matt and Trevor think they found him. We are awaiting their return now.” She tried to comfort me, but it wasn’t working considering she just told me I’d die without Brandon.

“So my fate is to become a werewolf and kill my parents?” I asked as a tear rolled down my cheek.

Emile reached out and swiped away my tear with her fingertips. My skin tingled under her touch. “I’m not saying that at all. That is what the legend foretells. The offspring of a werewolf and a human would be born and mated with a dominant male in our pack. They would lead the Amana’s against their enemies. My husband, Michael is our leader and you were mated with our only son.” She brushed her fingertips down my arm.

“You’re Brandon’s mother?”

“Yes. I am Head Mistress of the pack.” Emile was careful in her pronunciation and pride was apparent her tone.

“My parents are a werewolf and a human?”

“Yes, for the first time in thousands of years, a werewolf’s mate was a human instead of another werewolf. The day you were born, all the boys and men from the pack were summoned to hold you. My son, Brandon was only seven years old at the time, when he held you the mark appeared instantly. I was overjoyed and fearful for my son. The both of you bear a great responsibility.”

“Brandon told me I was stolen from my parents…”

An uncomfortable smile graced Emile’s face. She looked down at her lap and pressed firmly at a crease in her skirt. “That was the most horrible night. Brandon refused to leave your side, even though half of the pack was standing vigil at your home. Those thieves waited until night fall and then attacked.” Another tear escaped her eye. “Brandon awoke and fought them the best he could. They stabbed him and left him for dead knowing that he was your mate. They knew you would die without him. It wasn’t until years later that they discovered he lived and started to come after us, after him.”

The weight of her words hung in the air. “You don’t think they have killed him, do you?”

“No, we believe he is still in the area. Only their pack leader can be called upon to kill him and we have people watching their movements closely. Your transformation is upon us. You will be eighteen in less than two weeks. We must keep you safe and bring Brandon to you so you can develop your bond before your birthday.”

I shook my head. “I can’t be the one then. My birthday is in December.”

Emile smiled. “No honey, we hid your birth date and your very existence from the world as long as we could. They stole you in January and thought you were a month old then because you were so tiny.”

I started breathing heavy and I felt pearls of sweat collecting at my hairline. “I know this is a lot to understand. I’m sorry I have to be so blunt with you. You must understand, you are my son’s life, his future. Our pack is relying on you both.” She squeezed my hand. “You will be like a daughter to me, and I, like the rest of the Amana’s, will do anything to keep you safe.”

I was panicking inside, but tried to keep myself together. “What about my parents?” Emile didn’t answer. “They were killed, weren’t they?” She shook her head in quiet recognition. I started to sob. I never knew my real parents and would never get the chance to.

“Shhhh… it’s ok. It’s ok.” She tried to comfort me. I heard loud footsteps coming from the back of the house down the hallway.

“Is she ok?” A man larger than Brandon stood in the archway of the hall.

“She’s fine. Just a little too much information for one day.” She cradled my face into her neck. “OH MY… why are you so hot?”

“Hot?” Lily asked as she came back into the room.

“Get me some cool washcloths.” She commanded to the man. “That is Michael. Brandon’s father.” She whispered. “We hope to be your in laws one day.” She let out a small laugh and hesitated before adding, “You’ve started having dreams, haven’t you?” I nodded as she pushed a piece of sweat soaked hair from my forehead. “Ahhh that is my favorite part of the courtship, the beautiful flowery images of being in love with your soul mate.”

Emile and Lily quickly covered my body with various cool towels and washcloths. “How long have you been sick?” Lily asked.

“Since yesterday.” I replied, my voice barely louder than a whisper.

Emile stood abruptly and pulled Lily into the kitchen. Michael sat next to me on the couch. He was just as handsome as Brandon with beautiful skin and fetching eyes.

“Don’t worry; we are going to bring him home. I promise.” He held my hand for a few moments before walking back down the hallway.

“Sorry, my husband is more the provider than the comforter.” Emile smiled sweetly and picked up my hand. “I think your body is starting to fight the change. You’ve been away from Brandon too long.” She examines the mark again on my hand and turns her palm over to reveal her perfectly outlined and detailed full moon. “I mated with Michael when I was only six months old. He was ten and they thought he was the werewolf that would be mated with a human. His father was so disappointed when he wasn’t the one. But then we had Brandon.” A proud smile overtook her face. “And he is destined to be your mate. You are a very special, very unique girl.”

My body was shaking under all the cool towels. My heartbeat had finally slowed, but I was still panicked. If what she was saying was true, then I had no choice in my future. Brandon and the Amana’s would be my family and the only family I’ve ever known would die by my hand.

c h a p t e r

TWENTY

I lay motionless on the couch for several more hours. I wasn’t sure if I should run screaming and crying from the house or stay put. Emile and Michael sat together at the dinette in the kitchen. Their muffled voices expressed panic and concern for me and for Brandon. If he wasn’t found soon, they were convinced my transformation would not happen, forever sealing our fates.

Lily sat next to me on the couch combing the hair of a Barbie doll. “I couldn’t imagine ever being away from Matt.” She looked at me from the corner of her eye before continuing. “Matt never goes anywhere without me anymore. We are too weak without each other.”

“Aren’t your parents worried for you? I mean, don’t they miss you?”

Lily smiled. “Matt would give his own life for me. They trust him completely. I don’t know what would happen to us if we were apart longer than a few days.” She looked at me carefully. “You know they are worried for you. I think they are right. I think that your body is trying to stop you from changing.”

“Would I really die if I didn’t allow the transformation?” I asked her as a shiver went down my spine.

I could see chills rise across Lily’s arms. “I don’t know. I’ve never met anyone that’s decided not to change.” I watched her maneuver the delicate comb down the Barbie’s platinum blonde hair. She flipped the brush just at the ends to cause the perfect bouncy wave at the bottom. “You’re going to transform… aren’t you?” Lily looked at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen.

I thought about my parents and Aunt Jamie. If I transformed, I’d be signing their death warrant and not to mention Alex’s also. If I didn’t, I’d sign my own and Brandon’s. I sat up on the couch and pulled Lily tight into my arms. Her skin was ice cold compared to mine. “You can’t leave us now. Brandon needs you. We need you.” She whispered. I held her for several more moments brushing her long hair down her back like she had done to the Barbie.

“How are you feeling?” Emile said walking back into the room with another glass of water for me. She looked down at Lily. “Honey, go into the kitchen, Michael has made you some lunch.” She gently pulled at Lily’s arm to coax her from the couch.

Emile waited until she was out of sight. “You must understand, finding you has been a long, exhausting journey on all of us. Lily has grown up with Brandon, he is like a big brother to her and she is in agony right now. Not only over him being gone, but worried that something will happen to her mate trying to help him. If Matt is hurt or killed, then she too will fade away before she transforms.”

I looked towards the kitchen. I could never understand the connection that she had with Matt. “What happens to me if I choose not to transform? Is there a way that I can stop from becoming a werewolf so your family is not hurt and neither is mine?”

Emile’s eyes narrowed. “Brandon is already transformed. If you don’t, then he will die.” The corners of her mouth pulled down harshly towards her chin. “You don’t have the option to not transform.”

“There has to be a way to keep your family and mine safe.”

She stared at me. “There isn’t. Michael and I already discussed what we would do if we couldn’t find you in time. We thought of taking Brandon to other packs, trying to find a way to mate him again. We never found anyone that could help us. That is when we all agreed we wouldn’t stop until we found you.” Emile looked at me with hope in her eyes. “Now that we’ve found you…” She swallowed as more tears formed in her eyes. “All we need is to bring Brandon home.” Emile ran her finger down the crease in her skirt again. “I know this is hard to believe since your surrogate parents didn’t prepare you. But the quicker we catch you up to speed, the easier your transformation will be for you. Plus you’ll have Brandon to help you through. His knowledge and support will be invaluable.”

She pressed the back of her hand to my forehead and then my cheek. “You are still warm.” She went into the kitchen. “Michael, maybe we should call a healer for her.”

He responded. “How do you expect us to get a healer down here from Oregon?”

“We need to find one here.” Emile looked back at me and then stepped out of sight into the kitchen. But I could still hear her whispering. “If something happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself for not calling on a healer.” Desperation filled her voice and her words wavered. She would do anything to get me transformed to save her son. She couldn’t bother with what is best for me, when her son’s life was at stake.

I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and dreaded the decision instantly. It was my house number. My mother or father was home and probably wondering where I was. I answered it quietly and slipped down the hallway to the bathroom.

“Lacey? Where are you honey?”

I hesitated, panic and queasiness building in my stomach. “Sorry mom. One of the guys from band called. His dog is sick so I came to help him. I’m on my way now.”

“Do you need us to come get you? Are you feeling any better?”

“No mom, I’ll be on my way soon.”

“Ok dear. I love you.” Mom sounded as if nothing was wrong other than her concern for me.

I walked back into the living room; Emile was still trying to convince Michael to call a healer for me. “But if she dies, Brandon dies.”

“She’s not going to die as long as we keep her here and control her change.” Michael said as low as he could, but they didn’t realize how close I was standing to the kitchen doorway. The heat radiating from my body was boiling my brain and all my other organs. Sweat was forming on the back of my neck and in my palms. I turned quietly from the kitchen, picked up my bag and slipped out the front door. I wrangled with my bike to get it out of the bushes and jumped on it peddling as fast as I could towards my house.

All the way home my skin felt like it was being ripped away from my muscles. I didn’t want to look back for fear that Trevor, Matt and Lily would be standing on the sidewalk, but also joined by Emile and Michael. I couldn’t help Brandon; at this point I had no idea how to help myself. Emile and Lily were so certain that I was supposed to be with Brandon, but how could I turn away from everything I’ve ever known.

I composed myself for a few moments in the garage. Wondering what my parents would say to me when I walked in the door; anticipating if my mother believed my story. Dad was in front of the TV watching football when I came through the door. The smell of my mother’s meatloaf wafting from the kitchen; it made my stomach churn.

“Hey kid!” Dad barely looked away from the TV.

“Hey how are you feeling?” Mom poked her head from the kitchen followed by Aunt Jamie.

“Hey- is your friend’s dog ok? Do you need me to go over there?” She offered.

“No. It turned out to be nothing. The dog was throwing up. He just got into some bad lunchmeat.” I was digging myself a hole and it felt like the dirt was about to fall in around me. “You know, I’m not feeling so good. I’m going up to my room to lie down again.”

Mom and Aunt both stared at me intently, making me doubt that either of them really believed my story. “Are you sure you don’t want to eat?”

“No. I’m not hungry.” I responded as I slowly climbed the stairs, eavesdropping as I went.

My Aunt whispered, “Do you notice how much weight she’s lost?”

“Yeah, Jack brought it up this week. He thinks she’s just trying to get in shape because of Alex.” Their voices trailed off into the kitchen. Hopefully they thought my absence was because of Alex too.

I tossed my bag onto my chair and flung myself on the bed. “Why did you leave?” Lily walked out of the shadows of my bathroom. I jumped and almost screamed. Her eyes were red from crying and trails of tears streaked down her cheeks.

“Lily, I can’t do this. I can’t hurt my family. I have seen Brandon only two times and I’m not even sure that one of those times was real.”

“Lacey, you are his mate. When he came home after meeting you he was so excited, you should have seen him. He held your hand less than five minutes and he was glowing. When he is with us he never stops talking about you. Brandon loves you more than anything else in this world. He would give his LIFE for you.” She hesitated lowering her voice. “You can’t tell him that you don’t want to change. I’m terrified that he will let himself die to give you what you want because you are more important to him than his own safety.”

“Lily, I’m trying to do what is right. I need to talk to Brandon.”

She grabbed my hand roughly and turns my palm over holding it close to her face. “The minute you see him, your hand will throb, your heart will pound out of your chest, and you won’t be able to breathe. Why do you think you can’t eat and you’re not sleeping right now? It’s because you’ve been away from him too long. Your body isn’t fighting the change; it’s fighting you being away from him.”

“Lily, you are just a child.” I jerked my hand away from her.

Lily wrinkled her forehead pulling her eyes together towards her nose. “You are selfish.” She practically yelled at me, but in a muted, child way.

“Lily, you just don’t understand. There are things I can’t do anything about. This is my home, my family.” I could hear dad’s heavy footsteps on the stairs.

Lily lowered her voice to a growl. “You will start to learn that home is where ever Brandon is. Where ever you make it... with him”

“Lacey?” Dad knocked at the bedroom door distracting me from the tense standoff between Lily and I.

“Yeah Dad?” I looked over at the door and watched as he surveyed my room. I followed his eyes back to my bathroom. Lily was gone.

“Is everything ok? Who were you talking to?” His eyes landed squarely back on mine.

“I forgot that Grant wasn’t here anymore.” I sheepishly smiled. That was the lamest excuse ever.

“Are you sure you’re feeling ok?” Dad raised his eyebrow.

“I’m sorry dad. I just still don’t feel good.” I covered my forehead with my hand, it still felt like I was on fire.

Dad stepped closer to me and studied my face. “Should we call a doctor for you?” He placed his hand over my forehead. “I’m going to have your mom bring you up some cold towels. You have a fever.” I seriously doubted cold towels would help. I couldn’t tell him that I had already tried that.

“I know dad.” I brushed his hand away. “I’m going to take a cool bath.”

Dad kissed my forehead. I started breathing easier when he backed out of my room.

I looked all over my bathroom and bedroom for Lily. She was gone. I splashed cool water on my face and stared at my palm. I wish the moon were still there, I wish I still felt that connection with Brandon. I thought of the first day he touched me, his passionate kiss in the nurse’s office and the dreams of him being near me. Being near Emile and Lily made me focus on the addictive, romantic, perfect dreams of Brandon; not the nightmares I had of him lately. I needed the perfect dreams to come back to me.

I couldn’t explain why but that need was the only reason I almost believed what Lily and Emile had told me.

I lay down in bed tossing my grandmother’s blanket onto the chair and curling up with my sheets. I closed my eyes tightly and forced images of Brandon to the front of my mind trying to will the dreams to come. I pressed out every other image except my favorite dream of waking up next to him with the sun beaming through the windows, the love and want he held for me in his eyes. I replayed that image over and over again until I drifted off to sleep.

Don’t leave me alone in this bed… not tonight… not tomorrow… I woke to Framing Hanley smoothly playing from the speakers in my room. Brandon’s hands felt as soft as an angel’s as he traced my collarbone; his lips brushed against my bare shoulder. Brandon’s face was sunken in and his skin was ghostly pale. I need you. He whispered and pressed his lips firmly to my shoulder. Feelings I couldn’t explain or even understand overtook me. They’re not lying to you. I swear.

“Brandon…” I rolled onto my side to face him wanting to soak up every minute I had with him even though I knew this wasn’t real. “My mark is gone.” I held up my hand to show him; I was disappointed and ashamed. But I knew it was my own fault that it was gone.

I know babe. Matt and Trevor will find me. I’m weak. I need you to believe. He whispered and let out a slight breath. You can’t be around Alex anymore. If you do, our bond will be completely broken; we are too close to your transformation.

“Brandon, I’m scared. Are they going to kill you?”

They are going to try.

Chills rushed though my body. I couldn’t see either of my parents killing anyone, but I’m sure there were others that would. “What can I do?”

I need you to go back to mom and dad. I need them to keep you safe until I’m with you again. You have to believe in us.

“What about my parents?” I asked him as he traced my palm with his finger as if he was trying to will my mark back to the surface. I wished he could; I wished I could.

They are going to hurt me… hurt you, if you let them.

“Lacey?” I turned to look at the door to my room. A sliver of light crept in from the hallway.

“Yeah?” I closed my hand around his, only to find my pillow under my fingertips. Brandon was gone again.

“Who are you talking to?” My mother reached in and turned on my bedroom light.

c h a p t e r

TWENTY

ONE

I wish Brandon being in my room wasn’t a dream. Unfortunately, the mark on my hand was just as faded as it was before. If he could’ve willed it to the surface, maybe I could believe our bond was real. They will hurt me. Brandon whispered just before mom woke me.

I watched as my parent’s went along merrily in their Sunday morning routine reading each section of the paper and browsing through the advertisements. It was hard to believe there was any turmoil behind their façade.

I took two bites of my toast and slid my plate away. I couldn’t stand to look at the food and my skin was still burning.

“What are you going to do while we run errands? Jillian called last night and said they were going to the beach.” Mom didn’t look up from the sale ads.

“I think I’m going to lie back down.” My skin felt clammy and I was sweating again.

“You don’t want to go with your friends? She said Alex was asking about you.”

“No, I don’t want to go anywhere.” I had a different plan for my day. If I could get back to sleep, maybe I could bring Brandon to me again.

“If you are still sick tomorrow, I’m calling the doctor.” Mom replied sternly.

I nodded in agreement. Hearing a doctor tell me I had a cold would be better than hearing a stranger tell me that my soul mate was being ripped away from me, and my body was dying from it. “Ok mom.” I cleared my plate and headed back up to my room. My parents started to talk before I got all the way up the stairs. I didn’t want to waste anytime getting back to Brandon. But I stopped when my dad said-

“You know she’s not sick.” Dad’s voice was harsh. “Alex couldn’t seal the deal and now she is suffering.”

“Her birthday isn’t for two months. There is no way that she is already starting her transformation.” Mom replied; her words rang in my ears. I felt my eyes growing wider and covered my mouth with my hands to stop a cry from escaping my lips. I steadied myself sitting on the top step. My birthday was weeks away, not months; but they didn’t know that.

“I don’t want her to lose her mate either, but he is not right for her. It’s up to us to protect her.” Dad lowered his voice. “We can’t let her transform. You know what happens if she does.”

“There has to be a way she can transform and be mated to someone else. Maybe we should tell her what we are, what she is.” A few dishes clanked in the sink and a chair scraped against the tile floor. “Maybe it’s time.” Both of them walked around the kitchen. I stood as quietly as I could and ducked out of sight from the stairwell so they wouldn’t catch me eavesdropping. I stooped just inside the door of my bedroom and left the door cracked. Controlling my breathing was difficult as my heart raced; my thoughts focused on hearing what they were saying.

“Maybe we should call Sophie now. Something is wrong. We must make sure they still have Brandon.” They know about Brandon. They both walked into the living room. I could hear mom coming up the stairs. I panicked and rushed to my bathroom, pretending to be looking for a towel when she came around the corner.

“Honey, we are going to the store. We’ll be back in awhile.” She put her arms around me. “Call if you need anything.” It amazed me that she could be so calm knowing they have Brandon and my future depended on him.

I remember meeting Sophie the night of Alex’s party. If they had Brandon, maybe they were holding him at the condo. Every inch of my body hurt as I pulled the bike out of the garage. My parent’s said I couldn’t transform and Brandon was my soul mate. I had to tell Emile where Brandon could be, if they were telling the truth, I would die without him. I didn’t have time to second-guess my decision or let doubt and pain deter me.

I peddled as fast as I could back to Brandon’s house. My legs felt like they were being stabbed with needles as I pushed myself harder. The trip took so much longer than it had before. I didn’t bother hiding the bike, as soon as I got to the yard I flung it to the sidewalk and ran feebly to the door. I pounded on it as my heart was beating too fast and my breathing was strained. If Sophie was the leader of their pack, then Brandon’s death was imminent.

Emile pulled open the door, “We are so glad you are…”

I didn’t let her finish, “I know where Brandon is.” I practically shouted as my body felt tipsy, weakened further by the ride here. She reached out and grabbed me before I fell over.

“Matt, Trevor!” She screamed so loudly my whole body shook from the vibration in my ears. “Help me.” She said to the boys as they ran from the kitchen to the door.

Matt reached out and then hesitated. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

Emile grabbed his hand “Nonsense. It won’t hurt her any worse than what will happen if we DON’T help her.”

Matt and Trevor both touched my skin at the same time and shocking pain ripped through me. “At least we know she is starting to believe us.” Matt said as they put me down on the couch. My skin rippled in waves from their touch; the slight tingling still throbbing under my skin leaving invisible marks where their hands had been.

“Lacey, you must tell us where they have Brandon.” Michael appeared in the room with a map and notebook in his hand. “Is he close?”

“Yes.” I barely whispered, my body floating in and out of consciousness. “A party. Alex had a party.” I hesitated, my eyes blurred as I looked from Michael’s face to Emile’s.

“We need to call a healer. They will know what we can do for her.” Emile demanded to Michael.

“Emile, you know what is wrong with her.” Michael responded low. He turned his attention back to me. “Where was this party?”

I fluttered my eyes and felt darkness over taking me. “There’s a condo. Alex took me there for a party.” I concentrated on my words trying to make sure they understood me. “It’s in Trenton off of Fairway and Lemon.”

“What number?” Michael said as Trevor and Matt both started picking up various bags.

“101.” I said slowly, remembering the way the dark black door was a contrast to the stark white moldings of the building. “Sophie…” My skin burned again and my thoughts started to run together. My eyes were watering as thoughts of my parents and Sophie killing Brandon rolled through even cloudier thoughts of being with Brandon.

“Sophie?” Michael’s eyes were wide and he looked at Emile.

“We need to take her home. If they’ve already brought Sophie, then they know.”

I felt shock waves rush through my body again, but it was nothing in comparison to the fire that was burning inside me. I was thankful when the darkness came.

You did good. Brandon whispered as he traced my lips with his fingers; his skin not so pale or sunken in. I knew you would come through. He smiled, making my body feel warm. By tonight I’ll be with you. I’m coming for you.

“Did they hurt you?”

No. But they know you are dying because of me.

“Am I dying?” I said softly, not really listening to what he was saying, more enjoying his touch and the serenity of being with him.

The longer you are here with me, the stronger we both get. Try to stay here with me as long as you can.

“What if I can’t stay here?” I looked deep into his eyes, the green had returned.

I will come to you again. I will do anything to be with you. I know this is new to you, but I’ve loved you since you were born.

I knew he was telling the truth. My parent’s had practically confirmed that my entire life had been a lie. I love you. I whispered, half recklessly.

I felt my body being nudged; someone was trying to wake me. “Someone is trying to take me from you.” I wrapped both my arms around Brandon. “I don’t want to leave you.”

Brandon looked absently around the room, his face growing more and more concerned. You’re in danger. They know you’re with me now.

His words made me take in a deep breath and I tried to hold onto him tighter.

“Hey, are you planning on staying in bed all day?” Jillian practically pushed me off my bed onto the floor. I grabbed the sheets to stop myself from toppling off.

“No, I don’t feel well.” I glared at her, really hating the new annoyingly pushy best friend she had become.

“Come on. Getting out of the house will be a good thing.” She went to my dresser and started pulling out clothes. “Alex and Gavin are downstairs. We are going out to eat.”

I backed away from my bed taking a really good look at my friend. Jillian had drastically changed. Her hair was cut short and she looked at least ten years older than the last time I saw her. Even her clothing was new and not her normal style.

“I’m not going anywhere. My parents will be mad.” I made up an excuse trying to decide if Gavin was the only reason for her changes.

“Don’t be silly. You’re parents are downstairs.” Jillian turned with a pair of jeans and a tank top in her hand. I staggered backwards when I looked at her face. Her eyes were pitch black and her skin ghostly pale. “What’s wrong with you?” She asked stepping closer to me.

“What happened to your eyes?” I asked as I backed further away from her.

A disturbing smile flashed across her face. “Oh, let’s not be coy now.” She held out the jeans and tank top. “Come on. Get dressed.” The forcefulness in her tone made me flinch. I had backed up so far that I could feel the wall behind me.

“Let’s not make this harder than it has to be.” She tossed the clothing on the bed and picked up my bracelet from the desk. She laid it flat in her hand like Alex had done and rubbed her pointed finger down the length of the stones, stopping at each flower. “Why aren’t you wearing your bracelet?” Her eyes sparkled like she had a secret.

“I’ve been sick.” I replied, feeling my hands along the wall behind me for the doorknob to the bathroom.

“Don’t you want to put it on now? Since you’re awake… and not being confused by fabricated dreams of whom you really love?” She grinned. “Someone who gave you that necklace?” My eyes followed to where her finger was pointed at my chest; a moon and star charm necklace hung from my neck. I stopped breathing. Brandon was right, but he never told me my best friend was one of them.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” I stuttered over every word covering my new jewelry with my fingertips.

Jillian stepped closer and I tried frantically to find the door without taking my eyes from her. She extended her hand with the bracelet in it, the bruise that was on her palm had formed into a perfectly detailed flower.

“Jillian, please don’t do this.”

Jillian continued to advance towards me.

“You’re my best friend. Why didn’t you tell me they were trying to kill me?”

She stopped. “Who said anything about killing you?”

“What do you think they are going to do with me? Just let me go?” I asked in desperation.

Jillian looked towards the bedroom door and then back to me. “Sophie said if you fell in love with Alex that they could force you to mate with him.” She looked down at the bracelet in her hand. “She said she found someone that could make you become like us. One of us.” Jillian tightly closed her fingers around the bracelet, doubt flashed on her face.

“Please Jill, don’t let them hurt me.”

Gavin came through the door just then. He grabbed Jillian’s wrist that held the bracelet in it. “Don’t let her confuse you.” He said taking the bracelet from her hand. “You need to put this on.” His eyes were black just like Jillian’s.

“I can’t. I won’t sign Brandon’s death warrant.” I was terrified as I said the words, but tried to convince myself that I would do anything to keep them from putting the binding trinket back on me.

“Then you’ve signed your own.” Gavin said forcefully. He picked up the clothing and threw it at me, squarely smacking me in the face causing me to lose my footing and stumble to the ground. “We didn’t intend on hurting you… but we will if we must.” A slight growl escaped from low in his throat. “Hurry up.” Gavin curled his lip and then backed out of the room.

I clutched the clothing to my chest. “Jillian… please.” My whole body shook. “Please don’t do this.” I begged her. A tear trickled down her cheek and for a moment, I thought I had a chance. “I don’t want to hurt you. I would never hurt my parents. What they are saying I’m going to do is wrong. I would never…”

“GET DRESSED.” Gavin’s thunderous voice came through the crack of the doorway.

My arms and legs were shaking as I pulled on the jeans and tank. I slipped on a pair of tennis shoes that were under my bed and stood there watching my best friend try not to make eye contact with me. I whispered, Jillian they are going to kill me.

“It didn’t have to be that way. If you just would’ve slept with Alex. Why didn’t you? This all would have been over by now.”

“I couldn’t do it. My body wouldn’t let me, I can’t kill Brandon.”

“He hasn’t even been a true mate to you! If he had your mark would be like mine.” She held up her palm showing her perfectly detailed flower. It felt like she was gloating.

“My mark is not there because of Alex!” I said a little louder than I intended, mad that she was so happy with her mate yet she was ok with keeping me from mine. Gavin came back into the room. He wrapped his fingers tightly around my forearm and started to pull me out of the room.

“Let’s go.” He said to Jillian. More tears formed in her eyes.

c h a p t e r

TWENTY

TWO

Sophie, Aunt Jamie, Alex, Ricky and both of my parents stood around the coffee table in the living room. A large knife lay on the table in front of Sophie; the light glinted off the sharp blade sending diamonds across the walls. I locked eyes with Alex; his lip was quivering. His eyes were blood shot but he wasn’t crying; he was barely breathing. Both of my parent’s were quietly sobbing, lines of tears streaked their cheeks.

“So nice of you to join us mistress.” Sophie said. She looked sheik in a tailored black business suit with black heels. Her hair tightly pulled back into a bun and her skin looked even paler with the bright red lipstick she had on. “Sorry for the informality of this.” Gavin pulled me harder down the stairs, my feet skipping every other one. I fought and kicked as much as I could to get away from him, making him work harder to get me to the table. “We didn’t realize your transformation was so soon.” Her smile turned into a sneer as Gavin pushed me down to my knees on the floor.

“Shall we get started?” Gavin said as each of the members knelt beside the table.

“It really is a shame that you had to start changing so soon.” She said like I had control over it. Sophie turned and looked at Alex who had knelt beside her. “Alex thought he had succeeded.” She looked down at him harshly. “Too bad he was wrong.” Sophie turned to the small end table behind her and picked up a beaded red cloth. She laid it precisely on the table in front of her and picked up the knife.

Sweat collected in my palms as Gavin reached out and grabbed my hand. “Do you want the bracelet on her?” He said to Sophie pulling it from his shirt pocket. I tried to yank my arm away but it only intensified the pain.

“No. It won’t matter now. Once the bond is broken, they will both die anyway.” A satisfied smile crept across her face. I looked at Alex, but he looked down at the table, instantly making me feel abandoned.

Alex? I whimpered to him. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I yanked and tugged trying to pull my arm back from the table. I thought you loved me.

Alex finally looked up. “I thought you loved me too.” He peered at the bracelet now lying on the table next to my hand. “Things could have been different.”

“Well son, they’re not.” Sophie said, ending our conversation. I looked at her and then my parents. Gavin covered my hand with his on the table to force my fingers flat to the surface. I tried to get up but he wouldn’t allow me. He pressed so forcefully on my hand that it felt like my fingers were breaking. My body was shaking as I cried out in pain. Alex’s eyes narrowed as he glared at Gavin, who was now smirking at him.

“Stop hurting her.” Alex’s eyes changed from teary brown to ferocious black.

“She’s not your mate, what do you care.” Gavin antagonized Alex.

Alex stood swiftly and Sophie grabbed him from lunging forward. “She was supposed to be!” He yelled at Gavin instead of advancing. I stared at Alex hoping that he loved me enough to betray his mother.

“She still may be.” Sophie tried to calm Alex.

“You don’t know if this is going to work or not.” He replied and yanked his arm out of her grip. He glared at Gavin’s strong hand pressing hard into mine. “Take your hand off of her.” Alex said forcefully, pointing one commanding finger at Gavin’s hand.

“NO. Don’t.” Sophie said. “Just hold her wrist there.” She said to Gavin and then looked to me. “This will be all over soon.” Alex grabbed her wrist that held the knife in it. My heart sped up again and I was hopeful that he would stop this. “Once her mate is dead, she can mate with you.” Her tone was much softer. “Then your legacy can be fulfilled.” She stepped closer to him. I shook my head without thinking when he released the hold he had on her.

“How do you know she won’t die anyway?” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and looked away.

Sophie wrapped her hand around his bicep and pulled him away from the table. I could barely hear what she was saying. “You know what happens if we don’t try. He will kill us all.”

“Let me just kill him then.” Alex responded; his jaw locked, teeth grinding. “She shouldn’t have to pay for what they have done. Lacey had nothing to do with it.” He turned and looked at the bracelet and then me. I moved my pinky finger enough to touch one of the flowers on it and begged him with my eyes to keep me from harm. His eyes started to turn back to brown. His chest rose slightly then fell hard. He turned his back to me and whispered, “Mom… please don’t do this.”

“Alex your judgment is clouded.”

“Now then.” She turned her attention back to the table and Alex turned away completely and headed to the kitchen.

“You have to stay.” Sophie commanded.

“I can’t watch you hurt her.” Alex defied her and broke my heart as he kept walking.

“Alex… Please.” I said barely above a whisper. I watched him walk from the room wishing he would rush back and save me, but he didn’t.

I surveyed the room trying to find an escape. Every inch of my body hurt so badly that it seemed impossible to wiggle out of Gavin’s grip. I’d have bruises around my wrist from his fingers when this was done; if I survived. Jillian sat motionless with tears in her eyes staring down at the grain of the table. My parents held each other’s hands but neither of them looked at Sophie as she continued.

“Ok. I promise to make this quick.” Sophie knelt again at the opposite side of the table from me. “I can’t guarantee that it won’t hurt.” She smirked, chills rushed down my arms.

I looked towards the kitchen longing for Alex to rush back into the room and be the persistent boyfriend that I was used to. “What if I agree to be with Alex? What if I put the bracelet back on?”

Sophie let out a small laugh. “The bracelet didn’t stop Brandon from coming for you before.” She sneered. “Besides, we would be forcing you to be with Alex.”

“No no- you wouldn’t be forcing me. I love Alex.” I tried to calm myself, but it still felt like I was screaming the words. Both my parent’s looked at Sophie.

“Maybe we could call the healer again? Maybe we could further delay her change… Give her and Alex more time.” Mom said.

Sophie looked enraged. “I already told you. Her date of birth was wrong. Her change will occur too soon. If she had never come in contact with Brandon…” She stopped and shifted her weight. “It won’t work.”

Dad pleaded, “Can’t we try? She admitted she loved Alex. It is only a matter of time before the bond is completely broken.”

She gritted her teeth. “We don’t have time. Do I need to remind you what is at stake? The bond must be severed for Alex to truly connect with her.”

“But what if this doesn’t work? What if she doesn’t survive?”

The corner of Sophie’s mouth slightly rose, “Then she is not the one of the prophecy for Alex.”

Mom was taken aback. “Is that all this is? Finding the mate your son is supposed to steal?” Both my parent’s stood. “We won’t allow this.” My mother continued. Gavin stood in response, unaffected by my weight, and yanked me upwards with him; my wrist still secured in his tight grip.

“OWWWW…” I screamed. It felt like he had just broken every bone in my body. I kicked and punched at Gavin’s side to no avail. Alex ran into the room frantic; he looked at Sophie and then my parent’s, who were locked in an intense stare with each other. I was dangling from Gavin’s hand. The scene had turned rapidly chaotic. Jillian rushed to stand between Alex and Gavin, obviously protecting her mate. I knew I was screaming, but I don’t think anything was really coherent as I hung there like a rag doll.

“Put her down.” Alex’s voice was deep and forceful screaming at Gavin. He only momentarily stopped the confusion. The noise in the room had tripled.

“Alex! Stop!” Sophie’s voice screeched above Jillian and mom’s voices. She flung herself between Gavin and Alex throwing her hands up hastily stopping the two from clashing.

“I’m going to kill you Gavin.” Alex’s arm extended over his mother’s head to press firmly into Gavin’s chest. The veins in his forearm rolled under his skin as his muscles pulsed and twitched. The force caused Gavin to shift backward and the tips of my shoes slightly brushed against the floor.

“Fuck you Alex! You thought you were invincible! Well now what? She dies because you couldn’t seal the deal. I told you!” Gavin turned his rage to Sophie. “You should’ve had me try first.” He scowled at her.

“What?” Jillian squealed from behind us. “How dare you!”

Gavin’s grip loosened when he turned to look at Jillian. I released the grip I had on his wrists and waited until the perfect moment, when he was distracted by Jillian’s crying.

“Jillian, you know how important this is. OUR future rests on HER.” Gavin tried to reason with her. I pushed against his body until I was fully on the floor and caught myself before I fell over my dad’s favorite chair.

The room fell silent. Jillian covered her mouth with her hand. Sophie stepped backward. Alex’s pitch black eyes darted between Gavin and I. My parent’s stood frozen in their spot. I took in several deep breaths and felt each of my muscles twitch. The room was silent except for the heavy breathing coming from Alex and Gavin. My heart stopped beating; I was already dead. But I couldn’t be, my eyes carefully surveyed the room but barely moved.

Just as swiftly as it all stopped, everything flew into fast-forward. Gavin rushed at me, Alex threw himself at Gavin and Sophie rushed after them both. I turned, now suddenly aware of my heart again, and ran towards the front door. My feet felt like cement blocks as I tried to get to the door. Gavin’s hand dug into my shoulder stopping me instantly. Alex screamed at Gavin; my parent’s were screaming at Sophie. Jillian and my Aunt were huddled together in the corner of the living room.

Alex tackled Gavin causing us to land in a pile of bodies on the floor. Gavin’s weight crushed me. I put both of my hands against his shoulders trying to wiggle my way out from beneath him. Alex hit Gavin repeatedly. But Gavin laughed and kicked Alex squarely in the chest causing him to go flying backwards. I looked towards the door again, only another five feet away.

“You’re a fool Alex!” Gavin yelled as he got up.

“No Gavin!” Jillian and Sophie both yelled as Gavin leaned forward and put both hands to the floor. His body cracked and contorted. I scrambled backwards feeling the rug slipping beneath my feet. Gavin snarled and growled as his arms transformed into long, black fur covered legs. His large hands replaced by ferocious claws. The growling from Gavin’s chest filled the room as his back and ribs twisted into the body of a beast. The scene was so familiar. I tried to calm my breathing and gather my thoughts, but it was no use. My arms ached and my legs were not cooperating to get me to the door.

Alex stepped forward and started to lean on his hands. His eyes met mine and a low growl came from his chest. I willed myself off the floor knowing fully what would happen next; not sure that I could bear to watch him turn into a monster. Gavin stood directly in front of me; even on four legs he was almost as tall as I was. He bared his sharp teeth and snarled. I bumped into the table next to the front door as I jumped backwards.

“Gavin!” Alex yelled pulling the attention away from me. His body was fully crouched in attack position; the growling and churning in his body was more threatening than Gavin’s. I blinked hard, still not sure if I had really watched Gavin turn into a monster. I hope this is a dream.

Gavin turned his attention to Alex. He howled calling Alex out for a fight. Sophie put her hand on Alex’s shoulder, prompting him to stand.

“This is not the time for this.” Sophie’s low voice was directed at Gavin. “You both know what needs to be done.” She yanked at Alex’s arm. “You know what we must do. We have no other choice.”

“I love her.” Alex said squarely to Sophie.

Sophie baulked at his confession. I was still trying to back my way to the door without Gavin turning on me again. “You don’t know what love is. You only know mortal love, physical love. You haven’t been blessed with the need for your mate yet.”

Alex looked at me from the corner of his eye; I was almost to the door now. “I need her. I dream about her, I feel like I can’t breathe without her.”

“Son, those are all childish, human emotions.” She put her palm to his face. “Your mate is the only one that can make you whole.”

“You said she would be my mate.” He replied, scowling at her.

“We thought she was the one. But the mark of your true mate did not appear.”

Alex looked down at his hand and then to me. “Even with the bracelet, she was never yours.” Sophie almost seemed to be gloating. “You haven’t experienced true love yet. When you do, you will know.” Alex’s face dropped to the floor as he tried to hide the sorrow in his eyes, but his entire body shown it. Tears blurred my vision as a few trickled down my face; I hurt for him. I hurt for me.

Without thinking I said- “It was real for me.” I covered my mouth just as panic rushed onto Alex’s face. I had just drawn the attention of the room again. I put my hands on the front door but couldn’t get it open before Gavin leapt onto me. His paws pushed into my back, causing my stomach and chest to hit the door knocking the wind out of me and crushing my ribs.

Alex let out a blood-curdling yell and advanced on Gavin, ripping his body off of mine. He flung him across the room like he weighed nothing at all. Gavin’s body hit the hallway wall and crumpled onto the floor. Jillian screamed and ran to his side. Gavin let out a few small yelps as Alex put his arm around me and helped me from the floor.

“It was never about all of this.” He motioned towards Sophie. “It was always real to me.” Alex whispered.

c h a p t e r

TWENTY

THREE

I could feel the longing in Alex’s lips as he held me tightly in his arms. I could no longer hear Jillian sobbing over Gavin or Sophie yelling at Alex. It was only the two of us in the world. The terrorizing nightmare was over being wrapped in his arms. Alex’s forehead rested to mine, both of us perfectly content to be trapped in time. I know you are having dreams of him. I wish I could show you the dreams I’ve had of us. I wish you could see them. His dark brown eyes showed how much he wished things could be different for us. I wish he were the one. I loved him, but like Sophie said, it was a mortal love. My mate was destined to be Brandon and it hurt Alex to know it. Hell, it hurt me to know it.

I love you. I whispered against his lips knowing that we wouldn’t have much more time together. I wish you were the one. I’m sure if Brandon didn’t exist, that Alex would be, other than the fact his mother was trying to kill me.

I could still be the one. Alex replied rubbing his face smoothly against mine. I need you. I told you I would do anything for you. I meant it. Alex’s eyes were hopeful.

How? My mind raced feeling his soft skin under my fingertips. His silky lips made me want to forget about this whole conversation.

You have to be with me. You can’t be around Brandon anymore. The bracelet won’t work unless you stay away from him and stay with me.

“But… wouldn’t he die then?” I pulled back from Alex and stared at him. He wouldn’t look at me.

“I wish it could be different.” Alex replied. “He has to die. He plans on killing us, killing me.” His grip tightened around my back holding me closer to him. “I know he wouldn’t hurt you but I don’t want you with him. I can’t stand the idea of him touching you, getting to be with you when I can’t.”

“Alex…” I said but my words were halted by the horrible, overpowering smell. My skin crawled and my stomach started doing back flips. I was in trouble being this close to Alex. My nose and throat incinerated. My body started to crumple as the invisible hands set to ripping my skin away from my body.

“Lacey? No. Lacey!” Alex’s words were muffled as I fell onto the floor, slapped by reality and writhing in pain.

The door to the house flung open. Alex picked me up intensifying the pain. His skin stung mine; the horrible smell surrounded him as I coughed and gasped for air.

“Let her go!” Brandon screamed at Alex. Brandon, Matt, Trevor and Michael surrounded the doorway. I stayed limp in Alex’s arms but I knew I needed to overcome the pain and tell Brandon not to hurt Alex. Alex had saved my life.

“It’s so nice to see you again Michael…” Sophie’s voice was haunting as she twisted the ornate knife in her hand, a thin line of blood trickled down her wrist. “You are just in time for the festivities.” She started to make her way towards Alex with the knife, but Alex stepped closer to Brandon.

Brandon looked at Alex confused and then at me. My body was still convulsing and shaking, it wouldn’t be long before I threw up again. Alex’s eyes met mine briefly. I love you. He mouthed. I tried my best to say it back, but I couldn’t. My body was being torn apart and the only thing that would stop it was to be away from him.

Alex’s arms flexed and extended towards Brandon. I looked wearily at him through my tears and was thankful when the pain instantly stopped. The comfort of Brandon’s arms made the pain melt away. Matt and Trevor both stepped forward in front of us and Brandon gently stepped backwards towards the door trying not to jostle my body too much. He buried his face in my hair briefly and let out a deep breathe. I couldn’t look at Alex, I’m sure it broke his heart to see Brandon helping me heal from his touch.

“What are you doing?” Sophie screamed at Alex. My parents both rushed to Brandon’s side.

“Brandon?” Mom tried to talk around Matt as Sophie continued to yell at Alex. Lily was standing just behind us with five other much larger men.

“What?” Brandon growled through his teeth as he brushed hair away from my face.

“We never wanted to hurt her.”

“You lie.” His jaw clenched and his arms were shaking. I was weak but I lifted my finger to trace his arm.

“Babe…” My voice trembled. “Please don’t…”

“You’ve done this to her.” Brandon screamed at my mother and set me on the ground. He stood swiftly pointing his finger forcefully at her. I tried to press myself back up, but the comfort Brandon had momentarily given me was gone. My body started to shake and twitch where Alex’s skin had touched mine.

Lily wrapped her arms around me tightly and another stronger set of hands wrapped around my arms. A tall guy that looked a lot like Brandon pulled me up until I was standing anchored against his side. “Did they cut you at all?” His eyes searched my face and my arms.

Is this a dream? I asked the man. He chuckled in response.

“Did they cut you?” Lily interrupted my stare at the beautiful man holding me up.

“No. Alex…” Lily squeezed my hand before I could continue and looked towards Brandon. Brandon looked at me. He reached out and claimed my hand from Lily. Peacefulness rushed over my body; ending the twitching and lingering pain from Alex.

Your strength brought me to you. Brandon and I were lounging by the creek from my dream. I need you more now than you will ever know.

“Brandon, Alex saved my life. He stopped Sophie.” I rubbed his hand anxiously in mine. “You can’t hurt him.”

Brandon looked away from me denying me his comfort. He pulled his hand back from me. “You can’t ask me that. He would kill me if he got a chance, then you would die.”

“No, he won’t kill you. Please, you can’t hurt him.” I pleaded reaching for his face, wanting him to tell me everything would be ok.

Brandon stared deeply at me, his eyes longing for me to say it was ok for him to do what he thought was necessary. But I couldn’t. “I don’t understand how you can love him. How can you love anyone else other than me?” His voice almost reduced me to tears.

“I don’t know how this works. I can’t explain.” I folded my arms quickly across my body when he refused to let me hold his hand.

I jumped when Brandon reached for my hand to look at my palm; my mark was still small and faded. “I don’t understand.” He said concerned. His eyes shot up to mine. “Did you sleep with him?”

My body started to twitch and ache again; we were back in my living room. All faces turned to look at me and then at Alex. I yanked my hand back from him. “No. I didn’t.” I responded quietly not taking my eyes off Brandon. He glared at Alex, hatred flashed across his face. His fingers dug into the palms of his hands as he clinched them into fists.

Before I could stop him, he started screaming at Alex. “I’m going to kill you!”

Brandon rushed towards Alex. Matt and Trevor both reached out and grabbed Brandon before he could get to him.

“NO.” I screamed.

“NO.” Sophie screamed.

“STOP!” My parent’s both screamed.

Jillian still held Gavin’s head in her lap; my Aunt was tending to him. His paws had started to move. Lily reached out and claimed my hand in hers again.

“Alex, maybe you were better than we originally thought.” Sophie’s voice was high pitched. “Looks like you started to break the bond.” She smiled wickedly and she clapped both of her hands together. Gavin started to stir. “I guess she just needed more time with him, or for him to make the ultimate sacrifice for her.” The large man started to pull me from the house as tension overtook the room. Matt and Trevor both leaned forward just as Gavin had earlier.

“No- stop. You can have her. Get her out of here.” Alex put out his hands trying to stop the melee. “She is safe with you.” He said squarely to Brandon.

Michael stepped forward. “Alex, you are welcome to come with us.” He leaned around and looked at Jillian, “You too. But you know we can’t allow her to leave.” Michael pointed at Sophie.

“I’m not leaving without her.” Alex positioned himself between Michael and Sophie.

“Alex please come with us.” I said. Brandon reached out and grabbed my wrist firmly. He scowled at me displeased.

“Do you not understand that he wants me dead?” Brandon said through his clenched teeth.

“He saved my life.” I said defiantly.

“By killing me… he kills you.” Brandon flicked his finger in my face.

“Alex would never hurt me.” I stepped back.

“You love him.” Brandon screamed.

“Yes.” I replied trying to calm my heart and my head.

“She doesn’t know what she is saying.” Lily stepped between Brandon and I.

“So you would try to steal my son from me? He would never leave his family. Besides aren’t you afraid the bond will continue to be broken?” Sophie’s tone was musical. She was thoroughly enjoying the tense transaction going on between Brandon and I. Brandon refused to look away, his eyes threatened to break me in half. His hand still clenched around the wrist that Gavin had hung me by earlier.

“You’re hurting me.” I whispered looking down at my hand that was now bright red. A tear escaped my eye betraying my need to stand up for what I believed in.

Brandon released it immediately. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t get the words out fully when Gavin took advantage and sprung towards him. Matt and Trevor couldn’t react quickly enough. Brandon was knocked down and Gavin was biting and clawing at him. Sophie started to laugh hysterically. Jillian and I both screamed almost in unison. Lily grabbed my hand pulling me from the room, but the man was much stronger; he grabbed my arm and completely spun me out of the way and out the door. I landed sharply on the front porch. The wood sending splinters deep into my hands; small droplets of blood rose to the surface as I picked out a few of the pieces.

I looked back into my house, terrified of what I was about to see. My heart ached for Alex’s safety; my head for Brandon’s. The feelings for each of them competing for space in my heart and justification in my mind. Timidly I pulled myself towards the door and leaned around the corner. Only my parents, Sophie, Jillian and Jamie remained in human form. Gavin’s large black frame stood by another large black wolf; I assumed it was Alex. Three additional wolves stood with their backs to me, low intimidating growls vibrated their chests. I bit the inside of my cheek hard trying to stop myself from screaming.

Calming myself, I finally whispered, “Brandon?” Hoping that his hearing was intensified like mine had been the day I felt my body transforming. The large wolf in the center turned to look at me. His monstrous eyes so familiar, so…

“Grant?” I said as a giant lump overtook my throat. There standing before me, larger than life, was my dog; my missing best friend.

“Brandon?” I choked out. Lily wrapped her arms around me and tried to pull me away from the door. Grant came and poked his head out the door to nuzzle his face to mine. A small whimper escaped his mouth. I sobbed harder and full tears were now running down my face.

“Shhh. It’s ok. It’s ok.” Lily tried to soothe me, totally oblivious to how freaked out I was.

“NO it’s not ok! That’s my dog!” I shrieked at Lily pushing her hands away.

She tightened her grip around my waist. “I told you he couldn’t be away from you. It was the only way.”

I broke free of her grip and swiftly stood. I got to the door just in time to see more wolves join the fray. One lunged at Matt; his jagged teeth ripping and clawing at the skin just behind Matt’s neck. He yelped and fell to the ground as Gavin attacked Trevor. Michael took point next to Brandon and the two of them went after the wolf attacking Matt. I hadn’t realized that Lily was next to me now in the doorway. Her little body trembled, her face bright red and splotchy from tears.

“No Matt. No!” She screamed and lurched forward.

I pushed her away from the door to the large man that looked like Brandon. She shook, sobbed and thrashed in his arms trying to get away, all the while screeching Matt’s name as loud as she could.

“Is there anyway to stop this?” I asked him.

“This has gone on for centuries. I doubt you can stop it.” He grinned like he didn’t have a care in the world about the war raging inside my living room. Didn’t he realize my world was crumbling? He wrapped his arms tightly around Lily’s shoulder to keep her from running back to the house. Somehow I knew my life would never, could never, be the same again.

“There has to be a way.” I said more to myself than anyone else. Back inside the house, the battle continued as bodies of wolves flew back and forth in front of the door. It looked like natures version of wrestling as the bodies twisted and rolled over each other.

Ok if this is a dream Lacey, you can wake up now.

c h a p t e r

TWENTY

FOUR

I couldn’t stop Lily’s pain. She was shaking and crying so hard listening to the deep growling and yelping coming from inside the house. Shadows passed across the picture window of the front room as barking was met with louder, more ferocious growls.

I pressed my back hard against the house trying to decide my next move. If I didn’t run back into the house- Alex could get hurt. If I did run back into the house then Alex, Brandon or I could get hurt. That wouldn’t help anyone. If I died, Brandon would die. If I didn’t stand up for Alex, he could die. Filling my lungs to their capacity with air, I prepared myself to run into the house. 1…2…3… I started to spin into the house when the large man crushed my forearm with his powerful fingers.

“Oh no you don’t!” His eyes shifted towards the door. “We have to get you out of here.” He pulled me away from the porch and down the stairs. One of his hands wrapped around me the other around Lily.

I fought him, yanking back on my arms as the noise from the house increased. “No, stop.”

“You don’t understand.” He said through clenched teeth.

“Thomas stop!” Lily stuttered. “I won’t leave Matt!”

“We aren’t leaving them.” He commanded and tugged hard on both of us, slamming us into each other. “DAMN IT!” He shouted as he stumbled down the last step with us in tow.

Lily and I continued to complain as he dragged us into the yard and onto the grass. “Stop.” He growled. More noise came from the house; shadows of furniture being tossed were flying across the window. Lily and I stopped moving, Thomas was enraged staring at the house.

“Thomas? I can’t leave him.” Lily pleaded, her green eyes shifting between his face and the house.

“Lily…” He stopped, scanning the street. The hair on my arms stood and I could feel the small hairs at the base of my neck prickling. A cool, unsettling breeze glided over my skin sending cold chills through me. Before I could say anything Thomas reached forward and pushed on my shoulders causing me to land hard on my back, knocking the wind out of me. It didn’t take long and Lily joined me on the grass. Thomas leaned forward on his knuckles and started to transform. Noise and movement echoed on the street rushing closer to the house. I grabbed Lily and pulled her to the side yard just as more of the Mare wolf pack appeared in our front yard. Thomas, now an imposing black wolf, was blocking the pathway to our house.

Lily clawed at my arms trying to get back to the house. “Stop! Stop! I’m not the enemy remember?” I whispered trying to get the gate opened without drawing attention to us.

“How do I know that? You would let Brandon die for Alex?” She clenched her jaw and pulled her hand from mine, scratching my arm in the process.

“Can we talk about this later?” I couldn’t explain my feelings now. I didn’t even understand them myself. I had something real with Alex; everything with Brandon hadn’t been real. Or at least I didn’t feel like it was, not yet. I glanced down at my palm, thinking of the day that my mark appeared, thinking of laying in bed with Brandon, kissing him.

“Don’t you love him? Can’t you feel it?” Lily furrowed her eyebrows as she leaned towards me. “You have to feel it. He can’t survive without you. You have to believe in him…”

We snuck to the backdoor to see if there was another way to get this insanity to end. I watched Trevor and Matt advancing on Gavin. Michael was circling Sophie. Brandon and Alex were nose to nose with each other.

“I wish I could just get them to stop.”

“They don’t want you to be with Brandon.” Lily mumbled as she tapped on the window. She laid her palm flat to the smooth glass. I love you Matt. Come back to me. Matt turned and locked eyes with Lily as if he sensed her presence, her need.

“How did you do that? Could he hear you?” I asked almost doubting what I had just seen.

Lily frowned. “That’s what you don’t understand. Once you are bonded, you will be able to hear each other’s thoughts, feel each other feelings, the love… the pain. You don’t understand because you haven’t given him a chance.”

I looked back just in time to see Alex advance on Brandon. My skin boiled at the thought of Brandon being hurt over me. I grabbed the door and mustered all my courage flinging myself into the house. “No!” I screamed running through the kitchen towards the living room, Lily screamed and pleaded with me to stop.

Mom and dad were both still in the corner of the living room comforting Jillian as Gavin fought Matt. Their faces turned to horror when they saw me. “No! Lacey get out of here!” Dad screamed and put up his hand trying to stop my advance.

I wish I had listened.

Grant was crumbled against the wall, lying where Alex had thrown him. I rushed and threw my body to cover him, just as Alex advanced again to pounce on him. Alex’s terrifying claws ripped into my arms and back.

I tumbled down on top of Grant, feeling the warm blood oozing from the slits in my back. It trickled down my body and across my arms. Every one of my ribs cracked under his weight; my body twitched again as the smell radiating from Alex burned my senses adding to my misery. I was sure dying would have felt better than this.

“Lacey!” My mother screamed.

Alex panted just feet from me while Grant, now turned back to Brandon, was lying limp beneath me. I tried to get up, but the gashes on my arms split open further with every movement causing more pain. My mother and father rushed to my side pushing Alex out of the way. Alex whimpered and lay down obediently at my mother’s feet. All I wanted was my mother to comfort me, instead, the horrible smell surrounded them and I couldn’t breathe. I gasped for air, but the fire penetrated my lungs.

“Lacey…” The breathing below me was shallow. I looked towards Brandon; he lifted his fingers to rub down my cheek. “I’m so sorry.” He said straining for breath.

All the wolves were back in human form. I glanced up at Alex, tears forming in his eyes. Jillian and Aunt Jamie were both crying too.

“Get her!” Sophie screamed at Gavin.

Alex turned to stop Gavin. “I won’t let you do this.”

Michael moved closer to Brandon and helped him from the ground. I felt both of their strong hands on my shoulders lifting me. “I’ve got you.” Brandon whispered. “They won’t hurt you again.”

Thomas came through the door and Brandon shifted my body carefully into his arms. No matter how careful he was, the pain would not stop coming. I looked at him briefly to see he was covered in blood… my blood.

“Get her to the healer.” Michael commanded Thomas.

“Leaving so soon Mistress?” Sophie was now positioned in front of the doorway. The other wolves from their pack were standing at point behind her.

“Move.” Alex stepped forward.

“Alex, let’s not start this now.” She motioned her hand to dismiss him.

Alex firmly stepped forward. “She needs help and I won’t let you stop her from getting it.”

I looked at Sophie, her demeanor no longer casual, or regal. “We will find your mate. She is not the one.”

Alex looked at me and I swallowed hard. His dark brown eyes told me how badly he wanted her to be lying. “I’ll die without her.” His tone was solemn as his voice cracked.

Sophie hesitated and then started laughing. “You started believing the lie?” She smirked. “How pathetic. Just like your father.” She growled. “Gavin.” Sophie extended one of her long red fingernails to Alex. Gavin sprung onto Alex wrapping his arms tightly around him.

Thomas’ arms rubbing against the open wounds on my back made me whimper. The pain wouldn’t stop and I doubted I would get relief anytime soon. Brandon was the only one who could take it away and Sophie was determined we would not get out of the house alive. Alex pushed and pulled to get out of Gavin’s grasp. I looked wearily over at Brandon; his eyes shown pain and remorse just as deep as my own.

I love you. He pulled up one side of his mouth then looked back to Michael. They had a conversation with each other without speaking a word. Thomas knowingly moved forward and handed me back to Brandon. He gingerly placed one of his powerful arms across my shoulders, being mindful of the tears in my skin and the other under my knees. I curled my body into his praying our bond would be restored and he would take the pain away. Selfish, I know, but my skin was now really being ripped away from my muscles, there were no invisible hands to blame.

Brandon’s smooth lips brushed across my forehead then he nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck. I’m sorry babe. This should have never happened. He pulled my body slightly closer as I started to feel more lightheaded and queasy. I should’ve come sooner.

Michael and Thomas stepped in front of Brandon and I. The other men from the Amana’s formed a V shape surrounding us. I could feel Brandon inching his way backwards towards the kitchen. I was holding my breath waiting for anyone’s next move, hoping someone had a plan. I’m not sure how much blood I could loose and still survive, but I didn’t really want to find out either.

“Go!” Michael screamed. Brandon was in motion before Michael finished the word.

My skin split and ripped further as Brandon jostled my body running through the kitchen and out the back door. In one quick leap we were over the fence and heading past the Jacobsen’s pool. Brandon held me securely against his chest as his breathing strained. Moisture started to gather against my collarbone- more blood. Then I realized, it wasn’t mine. Brandon had a large gash in his shirt, a puncture wound on his chest with crimson blood seeping out.

“You’re bleeding.” I tried to point to his chest but he was holding me too tightly for me to lift my arm away from my body.

“Don’t worry about me.” He looked at me briefly. “Right now we have to get you help.”

We ducked through several backyards, Brandon looking back periodically to make sure we weren’t being followed. He changed paths a few times and went over several different fences in opposite directions; I assumed this was to confuse anyone that could be tracking us. When we finally broke free from the yards to the street, we were on his street; it wouldn’t be long and we would be at his house.

Brandon’s face started to finally relax and he slowed his pace. “Serena is already there. She’ll be able to help you.”

I was finally able to touch my fingers to his chest. “What about you? Can she help you?”

Brandon let out a small laugh. “I’m sure she can.” He hugged me closer again and flung open the door to the house.

c h a p t e r

TWENTY

FIVE

Serena was a petite woman with bright silver hair and wrinkled skin, but she had the most amazing, glowing green eyes I had ever seen. “Lacey…” she said kindly as Brandon laid me carefully down on the couch. She motioned for him to lift my side and he complied. I groaned and winced as my skin felt like it was ripping further away from my muscles and bones. Her careful fingers probed at the wounds on my back and then at the wound on Brandon’s chest.

“I think it’s best that the two of you have some alone time while I take care of these.” She motioned her head towards the hallway. More pain shot through me as Brandon lifted me into his arms and carried me down the hallway to the bedroom where I had first met Lily. Serena carefully placed a towel over the bed and Brandon laid me on my side with my back exposed to the side of the bed. I was barely aware that Serena had started to tear at the back of my shirt as Brandon claimed the spot on the bed next to me. Brandon’s head lay just inches from mine; his eyes gazing into mine.

My body trembled as Serena rubbed a cloth down one of my gashes. “You have to breathe honey.” She said as she took another swipe at the blood I could feel trickling down my side. I didn’t want to breathe, I didn’t want to move or feel my heart beating against my ribs. I just wanted the pain to stop intensifying and to stop being aware of what she was doing.

Brandon ran the tips of his fingers down my cheek and across my lips. “Do you remember the day we met?” He tried to distract me.

Mmmm hmmm… I tried to control my breathing and focus on the first day we met.

He smiled. “Do you remember how we stopped the world?” I barely shook my head in response. Serena continued to rub at my back; the cloth felt like it was removing whole sections of skin as she twisted it up and down in the grooves left by Alex’s claws. Brandon touched my face again then twisted his fingers into mine and closed his eyes.

A door closed and Lily’s tiny voice to fill the room. “How is she?” Heavier footsteps echoed into the room.

“Can you take a look at Matt?” Michael’s voice joined the others.

“Sure…” Serena paused. “What happened?”

Lily giggled. “You should see the other guy.”

“Lily, don’t gloat.” Emile had entered the room. I could hear ice clanking against glass. “Would you like some water?”

“What do you think we should do now?” Another voice entered the room, one I didn’t recognize.

“It’s too soon to tell. It all rests on them now.” Michael responded.

Opening my eyes to the room around us, several people were standing over the bed, but I focused on Brandon; his eyes were closed and his shirt was off. The wound on his chest was cleaned and covered with gauze.

“How are you feeling?” Emile ran her hand down my forearm forcing my attention away from him.

“I’m in a lot of pain still. My back hurts” I said, trying to focus on Brandon’s face, his eyes rolling beneath his closed lids. I wondered if he was dreaming of me.

Emile turned to Serena. “How come she’s awake?”

Serena pulled Emile away from the bed. She lowered her voice trying to exclude me from the conversation. But it didn’t work; my senses were heightened and I couldn’t help but listen as she voiced her concern. “Brandon tried… but Lacey didn’t go.”

A tray full of glasses fell to the floor; the noise of glass shattering and liquid hitting the floor filled the room. Lily gasped and Matt started to comfort her. “Shhhh….”

Emile let out a deep breath. “So it’s happened. She’s not in love with Brandon; their bond is severed. Sophie succeeded.” Her words echoed in my ears.

Tears formed in my eyes as I focused on Brandon; he was staring back at me. The hurt in his eyes was a result of something much deeper than the wound on his chest. He warned me about Alex and I hadn’t listened- now we would both pay for my mistake.

I’m sorry. I mouthed to him as I ran my fingertips down his cheek, wishing I had believed him from the start. His hand easily wrapped around my wrist and drew my hand to his lips.

No, this isn’t your fault. He responded quietly. It’s just going to take time… you have to trust me.
I haven’t lost hope. You’re meant to love me.

“Brandon?” Michael put his hand on Brandon’s shoulder. “How are you feeling son?”

Brandon shut his eyes, disappointed we were interrupted. “I hurt.”

“Michael, we need to talk.” Emile’s quiet voice pulled Michael away. I was thankful when Brandon’s attention came back to me. His eyes seemed to take the pain away and made me feel all the dreams could’ve been real.

Love me. He whispered.

I do. I responded easily.

Do you understand what it means to love unconditionally? Brandon brushed a piece of hair off my cheek. His beautiful eyes shifted over my face like he was memorizing every contour.

I hesitated before answering. Looking at the gauze on his chest, thinking of the cuts in my back; I knew something deep inside me forced the fear away and made me throw myself onto him to protect him. I willingly offered my life for his. Regardless of the pain radiating through me, I’d protect him all over again.

Yes.

I never stop thinking of you, dreaming of you.

Tell me about your dreams. I whispered, touching his face again remembering how I brought him to me just by concentrating on him when I needed him.

I’ve dreamed of us being together forever. Living among the Amana’s with our families, having our own family… He grinned. All the dreams you’ve had were real; I loved playing in the stream the first day you transformed. I loved teaching you how to accept it, how to become what we are meant to be.

Transform. I whispered as he ran his thumb across my lips. The memories of watching him transform at the creek danced in my mind. I remembered how they tormented me that night, but now looking deep into his eyes, a quiet calm and peacefulness settled deep into my heart. His scent overwhelmed me; relaxing me and making my eyes feel heavy as he continued brushing his fingertips over my face.

Be with me… Brandon pleaded as he inched closer to me on the bed never taking his hand off of me. In this moment I wanted nothing more than to give him the world

I am with you. I replied as my eyes started to haze.

Always? He matched my palm to his and rubbed his fingers up and down the length of mine.

Yes. Reality started to cloud with real feelings and images of our first kiss and being in our secret place by the stream.

Emile and Michael were still talking quietly in the corner of the room. Someone was picking up the broken glass and Lily complaining about how many towels it was taking to clean up the water.

Everyone muted again when Brandon started talking, his words a soft melody in my ears.

Will you transform for me?

Yes. I said softly, but just loud enough to draw everyone around the bed.

“Lacey?” Serena, Lily and Emile said almost in unison like they were oblivious to our exchange.

Lily climbed between us on the bed and grabbed my hand away from Brandon’s. She twisted my palm upward towards her face. “IT’S COMING BACK!” She squealed, almost exploding my eardrums and fully shaking me from my drowsiness. Pain instantly shot through the cuts in my back. I gritted my teeth to keep from crying out and screaming at her.

“What?” Emile yanked my hand away from Lily.

“It’s working! It’s working!” Lily squealed again.

Brandon and I both winced every time she bounced on the bed. Serena pulled at Lily’s shoulder trying to get her to stop. Emile finally pulled Lily away from us and Serena pressed a cloth to my back causing my whole body to tense at every touch of the rough material again.

Like he read my mind, Brandon claimed my hand again taking my attention away from the pain. Tears started to form in his eyes as he focused on my palm, pressing his lips to it. It’s not too late. It is working.

I turned my palm around to look at it almost not believing it was possible. The purple mark had started to come to the surface once again, it was faint, but it was there. It was real. I felt tears trickling down my face. The physical pain was no match for the emotions that flowed through me; I wanted to laugh, cry and scream all at the same time. Our eyes locked for less than a second when he lifted off the bed and pressed his lips to mine. My heart accelerated as he slipped his arm across my waist, securing it just below my cuts as he deepened the kiss. I hesitated and pulled back slightly; not wanting to continue making out with a room full of people watching, but not wanting the pain to come back either.

He put his hand softly on the nape of my neck urging me to come forward and brushed his cheek against mine. I love you.

I love you. I barely got the words out as he shifted his body to almost cover mine. His arms anxiously held my body to his, the pain in my back completely faded away.

When he finally pulled away large beautiful trees swaying in the wind and birds floating overhead surrounded us. I could hear the peaceful babbling of the creek and Brandon’s easy breathing next to me. He had the most amazing smile on his face, the sun danced in his eyes. “How are you feeling?”

I leaned forward on my elbows looking at Brandon lying comfortably on his back with his arms folded behind his head. “I feel wonderful.” I replied, raising myself up to kiss his chest glistening with moisture in the sunlight. His hair was tousled and wet; mine was too.

“I’m so glad you are here.”

“How long do we have?” I almost didn’t want to ask.

“The others will try to let us stay here as long as they can.” My skin felt hot under Brandon’s fingertips as he drew circles on my forearm. “I didn’t think I’d be able to bring you here again. I’m not sure I could’ve if they put that bracelet on you tonight.”

I pressed my face flat on Brandon’s chest to feel his heart beat against my cheek and took in a deep breath of his scent. “I’m glad I’m here with you.” I hugged my body closer to his and just as I had hoped, he tightened his grip around me. “I love you.”

He let out a small laugh and kissed the top of my head. “I love you too. Always.”

We lay intertwined with each other for what felt like an eternity. He playfully twirled my hair around his fingers and rubbed my back. Neither of us wanted to disrupt the peace that we finally felt from being with each other. My whole body tingled and my breath seemed to come easier. I was waking up for the first time being with him again, knowing this was where I belonged. The longer my body was in contact with his, the stronger I felt; my vision became crisp; the colors of the trees turned from dull to vibrant greens and browns. I could see the flecks of emerald green in Brandon’s eyes. Several birds flew overhead and I could hear the tips of their wings flapping above and below their bodies. I buried my face deep into his chest taking in long breathes of his scent until it felt like it was part of me; inside me. He was doing the same with his face buried deep into my hair.

“What do we do now?” I asked once it felt like Brandon had completely merged bodies with mine.

“We don’t have much time before your birthday. Once you are eighteen, the full transformation will begin.” He smiled widely like he sensed the completeness that washed over me. “In the meantime, we can visit Haventon anytime you’d like… to reenergize, relax or just be together.”

“Haventon?” I questioned. “Is that what this place is?” I gazed at the large trees overhead and the stream. All this time I had assumed this was our version of heaven.

“Yes, we will spend a lot more time here preparing for your transformation.”

While I enjoyed coming here, a knot had started to form in my stomach. I know I said I would transform, but the idea terrified me. “What do I have to do to transform exactly?” The muscles in my body stiffen as I barely mumbled the words.

Brandon squeezed me tighter. “I told you, the first time will feel funny, but it gets easier.” Brandon picked up my hand to show me my palm; the crescent moon was well defined and purple. “Your transformation has already begun. The times you started to change before were forced because your body felt threatened by an enemy- that caused you more pain. When you change at will, it will be because you want to and it is easier on your body, more natural.”

“But my parents would never hurt me. Alex wouldn’t hurt me.”

His body tensed at the mention of Alex’s name. “Your natural instincts kicked in. Your body knew they were a threat to you even if your mind or your heart didn’t.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt…” Lily walked out from behind one of the small trees. She startled me and I moved to sit up but Brandon’s arm held me to him. “Brandon, you need to come back. Michael needs your help. We have to leave the house. He thinks they have found us.” Brandon clenched my shoulder as she said the words.

“I knew they would.” He responded and closed his eyes. I love you.

When I reopened my eyes, I was lying on the bed in the small room again. Brandon was not next to me; I was alone. I lifted my hand to look at the faint moon on my palm. I ran my fingertip gently up and down the curved shape trying to quiet my confusion. In my dream it was so defined, so perfect; now it was just a shadow beneath my skin. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had ruined our heaven by saying Alex’s name there, for having thoughts of him while in the most private of moments with Brandon.

“How are you feeling?” Lily appeared by the bed, Grant at her side. I looked carefully at each of them and then gingerly pulled myself off the bed waiting for pain to radiate through me. Instead I had a sense of euphoria as Grant nudged my leg with his nose.

“We have to go. Are you ready?” Lily gave me a knowing smile. Grant whimpered as other wolves walked through the door.

“What is going on?” I instinctively stepped backward, momentarily forgetting these people; these wolves were my family now.

“They are going to follow us in case any of them show up.” The keys in her hand slightly shook as she looked over at Matt. She outstretched her hand with the keys. “I’m too young to drive.”

I followed Lily and my future in-laws out to Brandon’s truck. The bed was loaded down with various bags and suitcases. The back seat was full of bedding, pillows and a plastic case that had coloring books and dolls in it. Lily was a child, but it was easy to forget in the severity of the events from tonight.

“How were you able to come into my dream like that?” I asked Lily as I started to ease the truck onto the road.

“My entire family has the gift of dream walking. That was how I was able to bring Brandon to you when he was weak. I’m still learning though. Sometimes I don’t get it right.” She started playing with a piece of her hair like sharing the information made her uncomfortable. “Sometimes when it’s a new person I’m trying to connect with I end up going to someone that I’m already connected with instead.” She smiled. “But with you- it’s easy since you are connected with Brandon, I can go to you anytime I want now.”

I wasn’t sure if that was something I should be excited about or not. Just knowing that she could poke around in my dreams anytime she wanted was a bit unnerving. “Can you do it with absolutely anyone?”

“No. Not anyone, only certain people. Emile is trying to help me practice.”

“So, all those dreams I’ve had of Brandon and I where from you?” I started thinking of all the dreams I’ve had making out with him and doing much, much more. I really hoped she wasn’t in on those dreams.

“No. Some he brought you himself. I can’t take you to Haventon without him; you can only go there together. But once you are fully bonded, you will be able to cross freely into each other’s dreams and thoughts. I’ve been able to see Matt’s thoughts for awhile, but I’m just learning how to get into Matt’s dreams.”

I hesitated before asking. “Do you know what happened to my parents tonight? Do you know if they were hurt?”

“I don’t know.” She pulled out one of her Barbie’s and started to change her clothes from a simple summer dress to a pair of Capri pants and a t-shirt. Lily even pulled out a small pair of white tennis shoes and slipped them onto her doll. I guess the sundress wasn’t really appropriate for a Barbie on the run.

“All I saw was Matt and Trevor coming from the house. Sophie and Gavin ran out the back door is what Emile said.”

“What about Alex? Was he hurt?” I asked without thinking.

Lily pulled out the brush and started to comb the dolls hair almost violently. “What does it matter?”

“I know you grew up hating him and his family, but do you have to be so coldhearted?”

Lily yanked at the Barbie’s hair when the brush got tangled; she ended up pulling a section of hair out. “Alex and his family hate us. Don’t you realize he was just using you?” Then she hit me with honesty; with a truth that I hadn’t really thought of, that I hadn’t really considered and now it smacked me in the face so I couldn’t avoid it.

“If his mother hadn’t instructed him to fall in love with you- he wouldn’t have. He will be mated to someone else… don’t you realize he has someone that is suffering without him? Someone longing for him…”

I almost swerved into oncoming traffic considering the possibility that everything I had with Alex was one big orchestrated lie. “Well, if what you are saying is true, then Alex will die without that person.” And that person is not me, I added silently. “So you should be happy anyway.” I know it was immature to get into an argument with a ten year old and this wasn’t an argument I would win anyway.

If what Lily was saying was true, then my dreams with Brandon were the only true relationship I’ve ever had. And the mark on my hand confirmed at least part of the stories the Amana’s had told me. If they were telling me the truth, then Brandon and I were destined to be together, but that didn’t mean that Alex was completely kicked out of my heart. I’m sure that would be a fact that none of them would be happy to hear. But I never felt like Alex would hurt me and I refused to believe that he would.

© Black Rose Writing