Kate L. Mary

Ebooks are not transferrable. They cannot be sold, shared, or given away. The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is a crime punishable by law. No part of this book may be scanned, uploaded to or downloaded from file sharing sites, or distributed in any other way via the Internet or any other means, electronic or print without the author’s permission.

This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are fictitious or have been used fictitiously, and are not to be construed as real in any way. Any resemblance to person, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2015 by Kate L. Mary

Edited by Emily Teng

Cover art by Jimmy Gibbs

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review

For all those readers who think there isn’t enough

romance in zombie books.

Who says there can’t be love at the end of the world?

Acknowledgments

As always, thanks to my awesome friend, Erin Rose, who took time out of her busy life to be my first reader. I also want to throw a huge thank you out there to my beta reader, friend, and fellow New Adult author Jen Naumann. Thanks for offering to beta read, doing your fan girl dance when I sent you the file, not to mention all the gushing and tweeting you’ve done about this series. A special shout-out to Ginny Foss and Laura Johnsen for reading my proofs and helping me hunt down all those typos!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to my editor, Emily Teng, for continuing to work with me and dealing with my indecisiveness about what I wanted done. As always, I value your hard work and love knowing that you actually like working on this series. Thanks also to Jimmy Gibbs for the cover art—yet again. I’ll be back!

As always, I need to thank all the readers and fans who are so excited and send me messages and emails dying to know when the next book comes out. It makes my day when I get them, so keep them coming. I’ll do my best to keep this series moving along if you keep buying them.

To my husband who puts up with my countless hours of editing and writing (even on the weekends), you are amazing! Thanks for the support and patience and picking up the slack with the kids when I’m rushing to finish what I’m working on. Also, thank you to my four wonderful children for letting me get work done when I need to.

And of course, I can’t write a zombie book without thanking Daryl Dixon and Robert Kirkman, and whole cast of The Walking Dead for making zombies so popular at just the right time. You guys all rock!

Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Chapter 1- Vivian
Chapter 2- Vivian
Chapter 3- Vivian
Chapter 4- Vivian
Chapter 5- Hadley
Chapter 6- Vivian
Chapter 7- Vivian
Chapter 8- Hadley
Chapter 9- Vivian
Chapter 10- Hadley
Chapter 11- Vivian
Chapter 12- Hadley
Chapter 13- Vivian
Chapter 14- Vivian
Chapter 15- Hadley
Chapter 16- Vivian
Chapter 17- Hadley
Chapter 18- Hadley
Chapter 19- Ginny
Chapter 20- Vivian
Chapter 21- Ginny
Chapter 22- Ginny
Chapter 23-Vivian
Chapter 24- Vivian
Coming Soon
About the Author
Other Books
Playlist

1

ICY WIND WHIPS ACROSS THE FIELD, slamming into the brown grass and weeds in front of us. They’re tall, growing out of control, and they bow under the pressure of the cold breeze. I pull my jacket closer to my body when the gust hits me, wincing at the impact. It’s like being smacked in the face by a cold, angry fist. I hate winter.

“Is it supposed to be so cold this early in November?” I ask Axl as I hug myself tighter, trying to block the chilly air.

“Don’t got a clue,” he says. “Never left Tennessee ‘til all this started.”

His eyes never stop moving. Never stop surveying the area. After what happened in Vegas, he’s always on the lookout, and he’s been true to his word. He rarely lets me out of his sight.

I step behind a small group of bushes, trying my best to ignore the shivers shaking my body. My heart is pounding like crazy, but I should be calmer than this. There’s nothing around for miles. Open fields with tall grass and clumps of trees swaying in the wind. Mountains in the distance capped in white. But no houses. No cars or people other than our group. By the smell of things, no zombies either. This is how it’s been since we arrived in Colorado. Miles and miles of nothingness stretched out in front of us like the world just up and vanished. The towns aren’t clear, but the wilderness seems to be. It should help me relax, but it doesn’t. It has me more on edge than ever.

Axl’s gun is drawn when he turns his back to me. “I’ll keep a lookout.”

There’s no time to waste, so I drop my pants and squat. After weeks on the road I should be used to peeing out in the open, but I’m not. Within seconds the cool air has turned my ass to ice, and when the wind blows, pee splashes against my jeans. That should help the smell in the truck. As if it doesn’t stink enough already.

When I’m done, I don’t even bother taking the time to drip-dry. I’m shivering, and the longer I squat here the more likely I am to fall on my ass. It’s too cold and windy, and I already stink. What’s a little pee after all the shit we’ve been through? I yank my pants up and zip them just as Axl turns toward me. The corner of his mouth flips up, but it isn’t really a smile. There haven’t been a lot of those from him lately. Or from any of us, for that matter.

“My turn,” he says, tucking his gun away.

I exhale and watch the steam rise in front of me. The quilted flannel shirt I’m wearing isn’t thick enough to block out the wind, but I don’t want to give it up. It’s Axl’s. It reminds me of the time he took care of me when I was sick. When we first met, before the world had gone completely to shit. Before the dead started coming back. It’s a good memory, oddly enough. That was before I really knew him, but even then I had a feeling he was more than trailer trash. More than just a redneck. More than he gave himself credit for. That’s when I got my first glimpse of the goodness in Axl, and probably when I started to fall in love with him.

I pull the jacket tighter, crossing my arms and hugging it closer to my body. I’ll keep it forever if I have anything to say about it. Even if it is starting to smell pretty rank.

Axl doesn’t turn his back to me when he unzips his pants, and I exhale again. Steam rises up in front of me, then disappears. Carried on the wind.

“Must be nice to be able to whip it out like that,” I say.

He chuckles as I scan the deserted landscape in front of me. It’s so empty and quiet that the trickle of Axl’s pee almost echoes through the wilderness.

“Gotta say, sure am glad you can’t. I kinda like you the way you are.”

I shiver when a strong burst of wind whips across the field. My nipples could cut glass. “I think you’ve mentioned on more than one occasion exactly what you like about my body.”

He zips his jeans, and I turn to face him. When he smiles, it’s slow and easy, and only one side of his mouth turns up. The scar on his chin deepens, and I run my fingers over it. He kisses the tips when they reach his mouth.

“I like it all,” he says, pulling me against him.

I tuck my face into the crook of his neck as the wind swirls around us. He smells like sweat and dirt and the outdoors, and his skin is moist despite the cold. We’ve been on the road for so long none of us has had a chance to clean up lately. It would be nice to find a place where we could rest and gather ourselves. Lick our wounds after our losses in Vegas. At this point, my optimism is wearing so thin it’s like tissue paper, and I’m starting to wonder if there is such a place. It doesn’t seem like it.

“We need to find somewhere to stop, Axl. Soon.”

His cheek rubs against the top of my head when he nods. “I know.”

“Do you think there’s even a safe place out there for us?”

“We’re gonna try an’ find one. Someplace we can rest. Make a life. Be together.”

My eyes sting. I blink, but it doesn’t help, and before I know it the tears have escaped. Damn. I hate to cry, and I’ve had enough of it. After what happened in Vegas I feel like all I did for a while was cry. Cry from the memories and pain of losing friends. From the fear of losing Axl and maybe even a little bit of myself. I don’t want to go back to that person. Things are uncertain, but I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been.

I rub my face against Axl’s shirt to get rid of the tears, then pull back. The wind whips my blonde hair into my face, and when I run my fingers through it, I cringe. It’s stringy and greasy. Stiff. I need a bath and about a week of sleep. At this point, every move I make takes effort. I don’t know how Axl is still on his feet. He barely sleeps at all.

“Let’s take a break for once, okay? We’ll ride in the Sam’s truck and try to get some rest. Just be together.”

His stormy eyes hold mine for a second, then he nods and brushes the hair out of my face. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is,” I say, my throat so tight I can’t believe words are able to squeeze their way out. Everything we’ve been through, and just one look from him still gets to me. I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t met him. It’s something I don’t even like to think about, to be honest.

We head back to the group and find almost everyone outside stretching their legs. This is our first pit stop in several hours, and we’ve been cooped up in the truck for days. It’s been a while since we stopped somewhere to sleep and rest. Three weeks on the road, and the longest we’ve spent in one place was four nights. Every time we got even a little comfortable, something happened and we had to move. A horde or a group of people. Nothing feels safe anymore.

Hadley and Jon are shooting their bows, but even after all these weeks I’m not used to them being together. He was one of the men who grabbed us in Vegas, and after what happened to Hadley, I have to wonder how she can stand to be around him. It would be hard not to blame him.

Parvarti is with them, shooting her bow like she does every time we stop for more than a few minutes. She’s gotten good. Better than even Angus or Axl. She cut her dark hair short a couple weeks ago, saying she didn’t want to keep it long when she can’t wash it. She has a good point. The cut is uneven and jagged, but Parvarti wears a red bandana tied around her head so no one can tell. Not that it matters what her hair looks like anymore.

When Trey was killed saving Hadley and me, I wasn’t sure if Parvarti would pull through. It knocked her on the ass at first, but after the shelter fell, she changed. Started working with Axl so she could learn to shoot and hunt. Volunteered for runs. The little girl exterior melted away, and underneath she was a survivor. She’s impressed us all.

Winston is leaning against the Nissan, his arms crossed as he silently watches the group. Axl takes a place next to him, and the men nod at each other but don’t say anything. They communicate better through silence than most of us do using words. Sometimes I wonder if they can read each other’s minds.

“I’m going to check on Liz,” I tell Axl, heading to the back of the truck.

Jessica, Sophia, and Anne are with the little girl, so she isn’t in any danger of being neglected. But when Nathan was bitten in Vegas, I made a promise that I’d look out for his little girl, and I intend to keep it. Someone has to do it, and it sure as hell isn’t going to be her mom.

When I round the back, I almost bump into Angus and Darla. He has his tongue so far down her throat I’m surprised she can breathe, and his hand is under her shirt. Sometimes, I really wish we’d left her ass in Vegas. The two of them making out is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever had to see. It even tops the dead.

Angus pulls away from sucking my mom’s face and flashes me a grin that isn’t even a little charming. “Sorry, Blondie. Gotta get it in when we can.”

My stomach churns when Darla giggles. The schoolgirl bit doesn’t suit her. There’s nothing innocent or girly about this aging showgirl.

“Don’t mind me,” I say, forcing my way past them so I can climb inside the truck. At least they aren’t trying to screw in front of the kids. Again.

“So sensitive,” Darla says behind me. “Gets that from her daddy.”

I want to barf.

A few lanterns are on, lighting up the back of the truck and making it easier for me to see. The air is stuffy and stale, the perfumed scent of body spray and deodorant not quite strong enough to cover up the smell of unwashed bodies. Dirt, sweat, and body odor mix together to form a musky odor that almost makes my toes curl. I can’t get used to being unclean or being around so many people who haven’t washed.

Of course, it’s better than smelling like one of the dead.

Blankets and pillows and a few mattresses are spread out among the remaining supplies. Boxes form walls for privacy, but Jessica, Sophia, and Anne sit out in the open with the kids. Moira is with them. Kind of. She hasn’t really been anywhere since Nathan died.

We picked them up – along with their daughter, Liz – at Sam’s Club back when we made our first run into Vegas. I’ve never met a woman so dependent on her husband. When Nathan was still alive, Moira could go into hysterics just thinking about him leaving her sight. He went to Vegas with us anyway, only he didn’t make it back. A bite forced us to put him down. He didn’t even get to say goodbye, and Moira’s been a ghost ever since. If something happens to Liz, we’ll lose her mom for good.

“How’s it going?” I ask, kneeling next to the little girl.

Liz looks up at me with eyes that are so full of questions it makes my insides constrict painfully. She lost her dad and her mom’s become as vacant as one of the zombies. I can’t imagine what’s going on inside her head.

“She’s doing great,” Sophia says, patting the little girl’s leg. “Right, Liz?”

Liz doesn’t respond, and the silence is painful. Maybe this world is just too harsh for some people. I hate to even think that when we’ve been fighting so hard to live, but I can’t help it. Life is hard now, and some people might not be equipped for it.

Jake coughs, and I turn to find Anne frowning at the little boy. Even in the dark truck, his face looks pale. He shivers, and Anne pulls a blanket up to his chin, but it isn’t from the chilly air and we know it. His fever has been high for a couple days now.

“He isn’t getting any better,” Anne says, shaking her head.

Sophia pulls little Ava against her like if she can just hold her daughter close enough, she can protect her from catching the bug. There isn’t much you can do to protect your kids these days, though. I’m proof of that.

“We’ll check the next pharmacy we come to, but Joshua hasn’t had much luck with the last two places. They’ve all been pretty ransacked so far.” I pat her arm, but my words have no hope in them.

We’ve been having a tough time finding certain things, antibiotics being one of them. The small towns we’ve passed through have been looted, but we’re trying to avoid the bigger areas. Cities are too risky, and it’s not just the dead we have to worry about anymore. Vegas taught us that. People have turned lawless, have morphed into something completely unrecognizable. They don’t even seem human to me anymore. They’re some kind of distortion that’s halfway between man and zombie. Something evil and twisted.

I look at Jake and something deep inside me stirs. It’s that thing I buried after Emily died. It hurts whenever it tries to make a reappearance, almost like it’s cutting my heart in two all over again. We have to find some medicine. Losing Trey and Nathan in Vegas and Arthur when the shelter fell was one thing. Losing them tore at my hope, but watching another kid die…that would be devastating for everyone. Like the world ending all over again.

“We’ll figure it out, Anne,” I say, taking her hand. “I promise.”

Anne nods, and Jessica looks away like she doesn’t believe in promises anymore. Her hope is dwindling. I can see it in her eyes every day. Winston, her dad, is holding on to his positivity. If it weren’t for him and Axl, we wouldn’t have made it this far. But Jessica is struggling.

We’re all struggling.

“Jessica, Axl and I are going to try to get some rest when we get going again. If you want to ride in the Nissan, there’s room.”

She shakes her head, then nods toward the other side of the truck. “Ask Al and Lila. I think they’re getting antsy back here.”

“Okay.” I give Anne’s hand another pat and look all the kids over before I get up.

No one else has caught whatever Jake has, but they don’t really look good. Liz is as much of a ghost as her mom, and Max and Dylan are shell-shocked. I don’t blame them. They both lost their parents when the virus hit. Moira and Nathan were the ones who found them. They were like adopted parents for the boys, but Moira’s pretty much abandoned them now. We’ve done our best to help her snap out of it, but nothing’s worked.

I think she’s a lost cause.

I head over to where Al and Lila are huddled together, smiling at each other like the world hasn’t ended and there are no zombies. Al is looking better every day. Stronger even. I still have a hard time believing he pulled through, but he did. Having Lila helped him. I didn’t know the spoiled girl had it in her, but she’s been a regular Florence Nightingale. She and Al are inseparable now.

“You guys want to ride in the Nissan?”

They both look up, and Al flashes me a smile. “Sure. Hey, when we stop again, do you think I can get some kind of hook or something?” He holds up his stump, and I do my best not to cringe. It’s covered, but it still freaks me out every time I see it. I hate remembering the day Joshua had to cut Al’s hand off. There have been a lot of bad days since this all started, but that one is near the top of the list for me.

“I feel like I’m at a major disadvantage,” Al says, shaking his head.

I have to hand it to the kid, he still has his sense of humor.

I roll my eyes even though I feel like giving Al a hug. He was Trey’s next door neighbor, and joined up with us in San Francisco after Trey had gone home to find his family had succumbed to the virus. Just like Al’s. Just like most of the world. Things may suck, but Al knows how to keep the mood light.

“You’ll have to talk to Axl about that one,” I say.

Lila groans and shoves him playfully. “You’re such a nerd.”

“I thought you kind of liked that about me.” He climbs to his feet and uses his good hand to help her up.

Lila’s grin lights up her brown eyes. Her dark hair is just as greasy as mine and her face is streaked with dirt, but even filthy, she’s beautiful. Plus, she seems to really love Al. Despite the misgivings I had about her when we first met, I can’t help liking her now.

“A sword would be nice,” Al says, almost to himself.

Lila rolls her eyes as we head to the back door of the truck, and despite every worry floating around in my head, I smile. Thank you, Al.

The three of us hop out and head toward the Nissan. Next to Axl and Winston, Joshua leans against the car with his shoulders hunched. His hair has gotten long and it won’t stay out of his eyes, and he’s thinner than ever. We’ve all lost weight, but on Joshua, it’s shockingly obvious. He’s so tall and gangly that he looks almost skeletal. I know he wishes he could do more. Be more. No matter how often we tell him he doesn’t have control over everything, he still takes it all to heart.

“How’s Jake feeling?” Joshua asks when I walk up, barely lifting his head to look at me.

I shrug. “About the same.”

Joshua nods like he expected as much and pushes himself off the Nissan. “I’m going to ride with the kids.”

When he walks away, his shoulders are even more slumped.

“We should get a move on soon,” Winston says.

Axl slings his arm over my shoulder and I lean into him, thankful for the support. My body is so heavy from exhaustion that I feel like I might collapse at any second.

“Who’s ridin’ in the car?” he asks.

“I’ll drive,” Winston says, then nods toward the dark blue SUV. “Angus and Darla have already climbed in. Looks like Parvarti, Hadley, and Jon, too.”

“We’re in,” Al says, still smiling. Always smiling. “Where are we heading next?”

I tune them out while they make plans. It’s always the same. Drive and hope we find something. Head to a town and pray it isn’t overrun. That there are more supplies. Like we’re just crossing our fingers and hoping we’ll stumble across a warehouse full of survival gear and food. I’m too worn out to focus on it right now, and I don’t have anything to add.

When they’ve finished, Axl leads me to the back of the truck. I pull myself in with shaky arms, then head to the mattress Al and Lila were lying on a few minutes ago. Jake’s coughs echo through the truck and there are a few quiet voices in the back, but otherwise it’s silent.

When the door is pulled shut, we’re plunged into near darkness, and I welcome it. I curl up on the dirty mattress, and Axl follows. He groans when he lays down, and the sound is so sharp it feels like a knife slicing through me.

“Are you hurting?” I ask, rubbing his shoulder. Where he got shot. My chest constricts at the memory. I hate thinking about him getting shot, remembering all the blood and pain and uncertainty of that day.

“Not much.”

Not that he’d admit it if he was. I catch him rubbing it when he thinks no one is looking, so I know it still bugs him some days. He just hates the thought of appearing weak.

Our mattress is mostly shielded by boxes, giving us some privacy, and I can almost pretend we’re alone when I roll onto my side. Axl lies at my back and curls his body around mine, pulling me close. I close my eyes, and within seconds the world begins to fade away.

Axl’s nose nuzzles my neck, pulling me out of my dream world. “You asleep?”

I’m still groggy and the gentle sway of the truck could put me right back under, but I can tell I’ve been out for a while. I feel more rested than I have in weeks.

Axl’s hand snakes up my hip, and he nudges my shirt aside. When his warm fingers touch my skin, my body starts to tingle. We haven’t had more than five minutes alone in over a week, and I suddenly find that I’m wide awake.

I roll over to face him, and his lips find mine in the darkness. When I open my mouth, our tongues tangle together and heat pulses through my body. Axl moves his hand down over my hip and ass to my thigh, then pulls my leg up. Hitching it around his hip. He grinds his body against mine, causing sparks to ignite inside me. It’s been much too long.

“We have to be quiet,” I whisper.

He grunts against my lips as his hand slides across my stomach to the zipper of my pants. My heart’s pounding when it comes down, then he slides his hand inside my underwear, and I have to bite back a moan. His fingers tease me, and I close my eyes, moving against them.

I need this moment with him so I can feel alive.

“We need to make it fast,” I whisper.

“Yeah,” he replies, pulling away.

I barely hear the sound of his zipper as I shimmy out of my own jeans. When I yank them down, my underwear goes with them. I wiggle, trying to get them off, and they’re down around my knees when the truck lurches to a stop, nearly knocking Axl over. He stumbles but catches himself, and I freeze with my pants down around my knees.

Jake coughs.

“I guess we found something,” Anne says.

“Shit.” Axl grabs his pants and hops on one foot, trying to get them back on.

Shit is right.

I stay down, wiggling as I desperately try to get my pants back up. My underwear got pushed down too far though, and I can’t quite find them. People start moving around in the back of the truck, making my heart beat faster, and Axl has his own pants zipped before I finally manage to locate my underwear. I pull them up, then lift my ass off the floor so I can get my jeans back on too. I’m on my knees zipping them up when someone throws the door open and light pours into the truck.

“Damn. Thought you would be too goody-goody to get all freaky back here.”

The light is so bright I can’t open my eyes all the way, but Angus’s words are loud and clear. My cheeks burn. I really didn’t want Anne and Sophia and Jessica and all the kids to know we were fooling around.

Axl grabs my arm and pulls me to my feet. “Shut up, Angus.”

My eyes adjust to the brightness just in time to see Angus spit. We didn’t find much food at the last store we hit, but he was able to find more dip. I can’t wait until the day he runs out. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Angus flashes us a monkey grin, then motions for us to step out. “In a minute here, you’re gonna be kissin’ my ass. Just wait an’ see where I found for us to go. Bet you two might even be able to squeeze in a little more alone time.”

I let out a deep breath and count to ten, biting back all the words I want to fling at Angus. Things between us have been a little better since Axl was shot, but I still want to punch him in the face about fifty percent of the time.

“What do you have for us, Angus?” I say when I’m finally able to get myself under control.

2

AXL AND I CLIMB OUT OF the truck, and when my eyes land on the sign for Whispering Woods Hot Springs, a huge grin stretches across my face. Angus was right. I am ready to kiss his ass.

Everyone who was riding in the Nissan is already outside, and they’re all smiling. It’s something I haven’t seen since the first day we arrived at the shelter. Not that I can blame them. Things haven’t exactly been cheery since then. This hot spring could be the perfect thing to bring us out of the gloom we’ve been living in. Really, anything to distract us from the last few weeks would feel like it was sent from heaven.

“Does this mean we can take a bath?” Lila runs her hand through her dark hair and makes a face. I’m sure hers feels as great as mine does. Like dirty pieces of string stuck to my itchy scalp.

“And hopefully get some rest, too,” Winston says. “Don’t they turn a lot of hot springs into luxury spas?”

“With rooms and beds?” Jessica asks, still standing in the back of the truck. Her brown eyes light up as a genuine smile spreads across her face. For a second she looks so much like her dad I have to do a double take. It isn’t just that their skin is the same shade of brown either, it’s the flash of hope in her eyes. For some reason Winston seems to be able to hold onto his optimism better than the rest of us.

“Sounds ‘bout right.” Angus spits and shakes his head. “Course they’d wanna turn the best nature has to offer into somethin’ only rich people could use.”

“Stop being so bitter, Angus. You’re alive and most of those rich people died. Get over it.” I roll my eyes and turn back to the truck.

Jessica hops down from the truck and starts helping the kids as I turn to help Anne with Jake. When she hands him to me, the little boy feels like he weighs almost nothing, and his frame is so bony I’m afraid I may break him if I’m not careful. Anne jumps down and takes him out of my arms, smiling gratefully, but it’s hard for me to return it with the pain and worry clogging my throat.

Moira walks to the edge of the truck and looks around, her face as blank and emotionless as it has been for the past few weeks. Liz is at her side, and I help her down now that my hands are free. Moira doesn’t even glance my way.

Sometimes I want to slap her across the face just to see if it helps.

“Can you grab some soap and stuff before you climb down?” I ask Joshua, who’s the only one still inside the truck, with the exception of Moira.

Joshua glances toward the dazed woman, then nods. Of course he knows I’m not talking to her. We can’t depend on her to eat without being reminded. There’s no way I’d expect her to gather supplies.

My eyes meet Anne’s, and she shakes her head. The sympathy we all felt for Moira after Nathan was killed has started to wear off. Now, she’s just another burden. Like one of the kids, but less useful. At least the kids will help out around camp when we stop. Moira just stares at the ground like she’s hoping it will open up and swallow her whole.

“You going to come down, Moira?” Jessica asks in a tone that’s a hell of a lot softer than I’d be able to manage. I guess not all of us are fed up with her yet.

Moira blinks, then looks toward Liz, who is already standing at my side. When the older woman looks back at Jessica, her expression is the same. Blank. She acts drugged most of the time.

After a few seconds she finally sits and eases herself out of the truck. On the way down her shirt gets caught, pulling up to reveal her stomach and the bottom part of her ribcage. I knew she’d lost a lot of weight, but I didn’t realize how much until now. She was plump when we met. Like a mother who’d never gotten around to losing her baby weight. Now, her ribs poke through her skin, and she looks like someone who is a step away from death’s door.

“Wait a minute there, Moira,” Jessica says, hurrying forward to untangle the other woman’s shirt.

Moira barely reacts, but that doesn’t stop Jessica from patting her on the arm. She gives the dazed woman a smile that’s lost somewhere between sadness and sympathy. Maybe Jessica is more understanding because she lost her fiancé and she knows firsthand how disoriented Moira feels. After Trey was killed, Parvarti was able to lean on Jessica’s shoulder. Maybe Moira can do the same. Maybe she’ll pull through if we can get her to open up to Jessica.

Maybe.

Joshua comes back with a box full of supplies, handing it to Axl before jumping down to join the rest of us. Just looking at the shampoo and soap makes my skin itch.

Jake coughs, and Joshua’s mouth turns down. “I realize this hot spring is good for us, but do we know if there’s a town nearby? We have to get those antibiotics.”

Angus swears and stomps off, grumbling as he goes, “Can’t make everybody happy no matter what I do.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Axl says, ignoring his brother. “Let’s head on down and check the area out first. Then we can pull out the map an’ figure out where we are. There’s gotta be a place close by.”

Joshua doesn’t look happy, but he doesn’t argue. The small group of us gathered at the back of the truck head toward the others, who are waiting next to the hot springs sign. An arrow points toward a little trail that can’t be more than three feet wide. It’s paved with stones and lined with rocks and bushes that look like they were neatly trimmed until recently. They’ve maintained most of their square shape, but there are now longer branches that poke out. Like arms reaching out, trying to grab us and yank us inside.

We head down the path in silence, almost like we’re all holding our breath. Out of instinct, I pull out my gun, and I’m not the only one. We never go anywhere without weapons these days. We need to be on the lookout. Always ready. Always listening. We never know what could be lurking in the trees.

Above us branches rustle together, and in the distance, a couple birds sing, almost like they’re performing a duet. Somewhere to my right, a squirrel or chipmunk or some other small animal scurries across the fallen leaves covering the forest floor. They crinkle under the creature’s tiny feet. Every sound puts me on edge, but they’re all innocent. Normal. Not the soundtrack of horror we’ve almost gotten used to.

We’ve only gone a few feet when the calming sound of trickling water becomes audible, and less than two minutes later, we break through the trees and step into a clearing. Ahead of us, stairs have been carved into the stone, and small boulders line them on either side. Below that are benches and tables made out of rocks and cement, along with a small building that has two doors on it. One marked Men and the other Women. It can’t hold more than a couple toilets, though. Two other wood buildings sit on the other side of the stairs, but they’re basic. The sign at the bottom of the steps says Changing Area and points toward the buildings.

Beyond that, steam rises from the hot springs. The main pool of water is large – as big as the pool we had at the shelter – and it’s surrounded by a manmade stone wall. A smaller, more secluded spring sits to our left in a raised area. It can’t be bigger than a four-person hot tub. Water from the smaller pool flows over the rocks like a waterfall, gently falling into the bigger pool and filling the silence with the trickling sound I heard earlier. A set of stairs leads up to the smaller spring, and a sign at the bottom of the stairs says Adults only, Clothes optional.

Lila is the first one to break the silence. “Not exactly luxury.”

Angus snorts and pushes his way past the teen. “Speak for yourself. This is better than Axl an’ me ever had growin’ up. Back then we was lucky if our mom was sober ‘nough to remember to buy food.”

Lila frowns, and her cheeks turn red. My heart goes out to the girl. It didn’t sound like she was complaining to me. Just making an observation. But with her background, it’s easy to understand why Angus took her words as bitching. She did grow up rich. Really, really rich. She’s the only one of us left who actually had a right to be in one of those underground luxury condos.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, staring at the ground.

Al puts his arm around her shoulders and says something in her ear. It’s too quiet to hear, but she smiles shyly.

“Looks like a pretty good area,” Axl says. He sets the box down and stretches. “We can start a fire over there, near them rock benches. Angus an’ me can see what we can hunt up for dinner.”

Angus nods and scratches his belly, which is significantly less round than it was when we first met. “Yeah, we can do that. Find us some squirrels at least. Maybe even somethin’ bigger.”

“Rabbit?” I say hopefully.

That was what Axl killed the first night I was with them, back on Route 66. I was a little hesitant back then, but now just thinking about eating one of the little creatures makes my mouth water. It’s been over a week since we’ve had meat. Animals have been scarce, and we’ve been living on processed foods. Which gets old, not to mention the fact that it doesn’t always sit well with me.

Axl’s mouth twitches, and he nods, his stormy gray eyes holding mine and making my whole body tingle. “I’ll find you a rabbit.”

“Sounds like the way to go.” Winston turns to face his daughter, nodding toward the stairs. “Jess, why don’t you run up to the truck and grab some clean clothes for the kids? That way Anne and Sophia”—he glances at Moira and frowns—“and Moira can get the kids all cleaned up.”

“Sure thing,” Jessica says, pulling out her gun as she heads back toward the stairs. She may be running low on hope, but no one—not even Angus—can complain about her. Jessica is always more than willing to help.

“I’ll go with you,” Parvarti says.

Jessica pauses at the bottom of the stairs, flashing Parvarti a grateful smile. “Thanks.”

They take off, and Winston turns back to face the group. Anne and Sophia are already busy herding the kids toward the big pool, and their young faces are lit up like it’s the most exciting thing they’ve ever faced. Even Liz, who I haven’t seen smile since her dad died. Jake is coughing his head off, but he still looks thrilled at the prospect of going for a swim.

Winston gives a brief nod like all is right with the world, then turns to Axl. “You guys want to head out and see what kind of game you can find?”

Axl shoves his knife into its sheath. “Need to get some firewood too.”

“Hadley and I can handle that,” I say, then brace myself for Axl’s usual response.

Hadley nods, but Axl frowns—of course. “Why don’t you stick ‘round camp? Stand guard.”

I knew it was coming, but it doesn’t stop me from letting out a sigh of frustration. “Don’t do that, Axl. I’m not a child.”

I get why he does it, but I can’t let him hold me back. I won’t be like Moira, too damaged to be of any use. We all have to pitch in, and Axl knows it.

“Come on, lil’ brother.” Angus slaps Axl on the back as he heads toward the stairs. “Leave Blondie alone. She can handle herself. Probably better than you with that bum arm of yours.”

Axl rolls his shoulder, and images of the night he got shot flash through my mind, making my stomach turn inside out.

“My arm ain’t bum, you prick,” Axl says, shaking his head. “I can still outshoot you.”

Angus snorts but doesn’t turn to look at his brother. “I saw how off your aim was last time we ran into a big group of the dead. Took you three shots to take one down. Oughta start callin’ you Alexis.” Angus chuckles like it’s the best joke he’s ever heard. “Come on, Alexis. Let’s go get us a shotgun. Gotta see if you can still hack it.”

“Asshole,” Axl mutters, then jogs off after his brother.

I roll my eyes at Hadley. “I’m not sure I’ll ever understand Angus.”

“What’s there to understand?” she says, and I don’t miss how little light there is in her green eyes. “He has his demons and being an asshole is how he deals with them.” She shrugs and heads toward the stairs. “Let’s get some wood.”

I follow her, but the words sting. Hadley has demons too.

We go to the top of the stairs, but instead of following the brothers up the trail, we veer left, heading into the woods. I already have my knife out, but I put it away and pull out my gun. With all the trees and bushes, it would be easy for a zombie to sneak up on us. A knife may not be enough.

Hadley bends to grab a few branches, but keeps her eyes up. They’re harder than they used to be. When we first met, they sparkled like she always had a secret she was keeping or a joke she couldn’t wait to tell. Now they’re flat and tortured. She’s thinner now, too. Hadley was too skinny to begin with, and dropping five pounds has made her so bony that it scares me at times.

She doesn’t look anything like the celebrity she used to be.

Hadley’s strawberry blonde hair falls across her face, and she sweeps it aside in irritation. “I should cut my hair like Parv did.”

“Would make things easier, wouldn’t it?”

“Easier. Right.” She snorts as she scoops a few sticks up off the ground.

I grab a handful of branches that are already laying together in a pile, almost as if they’ve been waiting for me to show up. The wind blows, and I inhale through my nose. It’s clear, though. No death. Nothing but the crispness of the morning air and the earthy smell of the forest.

“How are things going with you?” I ask Hadley.

“Just peachy.”

I glance toward her, but she isn’t looking at me. “Hadley?”

She tears her eyes away from the ground, and when her gaze meets mine, some of the hardness leaves her features. Her eyes shimmer, and she has to swallow a few times before she says, “I’m okay.”

“Are you?” I ask, choosing my words carefully. We’ve never spoken about what happened, not in detail. I want to be there for her, but I don’t want to push her. “I don’t want you to disappear, Hadley. Not like Moira.”

“I’m stronger than that.” She takes a deep breath and tucks her hair behind her ears. The gesture seems violent. Angry almost. “I’m going to be fine.”

“Good,” I say, taking a step closer. “Because I kind of like you.”

“Good,” Hadley says with a laugh that doesn’t sound the least bit sincere. “Because you’re stuck with me.”

She goes back to picking up sticks, and I follow her lead. I hate ignoring the elephant in the room, but Hadley has to decide she wants to talk about it on her own. I can’t force her.

When our arms are full, we head back toward the trail. Sticks crunch under our feet, but otherwise the woods are so quiet we’d probably be able to hear a pin drop. Something seems off, though. Like I’m being watched. It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and my pulse quicken.

I stop walking and study the area, but I don’t see a thing.

“What’s wrong?” Hadley pauses and looks over her shoulder at me, but she doesn’t seem worried. Maybe I’m overreacting.

“I just feel like something isn’t right.”

“Nothing is ever right. We’re living in the back of a truck.”

She has a point.

I take one more look around, but the woods are still clear. And there’s no noise except the sounds of nature. I’m overreacting, that’s all.

“Let’s go,” I say, jerking my head toward the trail and picking up the pace. My arms are full, and if something sneaks up on us now, I’ll be in a tough spot. I want to get back to everyone else.

Before I’ve made it all the way to the trail, I spot Darla. Watching us. I knew something was off.

“Thought you girls might need some help,” she says when we reach her.

“We’re all done,” Hadley snaps, then glances at me.

She’s one of the few people who knows about my connection with Darla, but it’s only because she overheard a conversation. Axl and Angus know too, of course. Axl because I told him, and Angus because he’s screwing Darla. If I can help it, the secret won’t go any further. As far as I’m concerned, no one else needs to know that this woman gave birth to me.

I refuse to meet Darla’s gaze. It isn’t really a surprise that she’s cornered me now. She’s been trying to have some heart-to-heart with me for weeks, pretty much since we left the desert. Only I’m not interested.

“We’re heading back,” I say.

Hadley takes that as her cue to leave and steps around Darla. I follow, but of course my mother hurries after us.

“Want me to carry some?” Darla asks hopefully.

“Nope,” I say, jogging to catch up with Hadley.

Darla sighs behind me but doesn’t stop walking. She doesn’t try to talk to me again either, so that’s good. At least for now. She’ll be back, and I know it.

We’ve only gone a few steps when the sound of laughter makes my whole body tense. Hadley looks my way with wide eyes, and we both move faster. When the hot springs come into view, we can see the kids splashing around in the water, laughing. Having fun. It should be a nice sound, but they’re being too loud. I’m not used to so much noise anymore.

“They should be quieter,” I say.

Hadley nods, and we jog down the steps. Anne and Sophia stand knee-deep in the water. Shirts still on, but their jackets and pants are gone. The women are doing their best to keep the kids quiet, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Jessica stands on dry land with a panicked expression on her face while Parvarti calmly surveys the area. But I don’t see Moira anywhere.

I look around as I follow Hadley to where Winston is setting up camp. Liz is with the other kids, but I don’t see her mom at first. Then I spot Moira in the hot spring. Naked. The water only goes halfway up her chest, and her breasts are mostly exposed, but she doesn’t seem to care. She sits there like she’s in some kind of trance.

She’s going to end up getting herself killed.

The sun is so low it’s disappeared behind the surrounding trees. From our vantage point we can only see a sliver of orange on the horizon. The sky is dark blue, almost black, and already the stars are out. Twinkling in the sky above us. It’s nice and quiet, and the group is relaxed, but I can’t sit still. My stomach feels like it’s full of rocks. Axl and Angus haven’t come back yet, and it’s freaking me out.

The kids are dry and dressed in clean clothes, and they’re sitting around the fire looking sleepy. Moira is dressed—thanks to Jessica’s prompting—and the adults have all taken their turn in the private hot spring. A quiet contentment has fallen over the camp that’s nice but feels shaky. Like we’re teetering on the edge of a cliff and if we’re not careful, we’ll fall over.

“Maybe someone should go out to look for them,” I say, tapping my toe against the stone floor so hard it makes a slapping sound that echoes through the night.

“They’ll be back.” Winston doesn’t even look my way as he throws another log on the fire. Sparks fly into the air, dancing above the flames before disappearing. He’s been saying the same thing for almost an hour.

Hadley pats the seat next to her on the stone bench, and I reluctantly sit. Drops of water fall from her wet hair and land on her legs, but she doesn’t seem to notice. “You should get clean. I think everyone has except you.”

“And Axl,” I say, the words coming out sharper than I intended them to. Hadley doesn’t even bat an eye.

Angus hasn’t taken a bath either, but I don’t care. Hell, he probably doesn’t either.

Hadley nods slowly as she stares at the flames. “Maybe we should go out and look for them.”

Winston shakes his head, and I have the urge to smack him.

“Why not?” I snap.

“Because we can’t risk it. We could go out there looking for them and get lost or hurt or killed, and that would leave the group vulnerable.”

I inhale slowly and clench my hands into fists. He’s right. Of course he is. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Jake coughs, and Anne pulls him closer. She grabs another blanket and wraps it around them both. Joshua sits on the other side of the sick boy, staring at the map. He scoots closer to Jake like he’s trying to keep the kid warm.

“We can’t wait much longer,” he says. “I need to head to that town.”

There’s a small town not too far from here, and he’s anxious to head out so he can see if they have antibiotics. I know we need them, but there’s no way in hell Joshua is heading out into the unknown. As the only doctor, he’s way too important to the group.

“You know you can’t go,” I say.

He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “Someone has to.”

“I’ll go. We can take the Nissan.” Parvarti stands, grabbing her bow off the ground. She looks around, and her eyes stop on Jon and Hadley. “You two want to come? I need the backup.”

“Yeah.” Jon stretches when he stands, and his back pops. “Save me some meat.”

“What are we looking for?” Hadley asks Joshua.

The doctor pats Jake on the back and gives Anne a reassuring smile before getting to his feet. “I’ll walk with you up to the truck. That way I can write a few things down. I don’t want you grabbing the wrong thing.”

“I know I don’t really have to say it,” Winston says, frowning, “but watch your backs.” He doesn’t look like he’s in love with the idea, but he doesn’t tell anyone they can’t go. It’s not his style.

“Will do,” Jon says, heading to the stairs with the others.

I watch them walk away with a pit in my stomach. I know why they didn’t ask me to go. If Axl came back and found me gone, he’d be furious. It still hurts, though. Like being picked last for a team in gym class.

3

I JUMP TO MY FEET AND spin around when footsteps pound against the stone behind me. The second Axl and Angus come into view a deep sigh of relief whooshes out of me. It’s about time.

Unable to stay where I am, I rush forward to meet Axl halfway between the fire and the stairs. He pulls me in for a hug, and my body feels instantly lighter. “What took you so long?”

Axl presses his lips to the top of my head. “Checkin’ out the area.”

“If you wanted fast food you shoulda gone to McDonald’s,” Angus mutters, practically shoving past me to get to the fire.

“Can we?” Max asks, his eyes lighting up like the prospect is the best news he’s ever heard.

The question should make me laugh at the adorable naivety of children, but it doesn’t. Instead my eyes fill with tears, and I have the sudden urge to sit down and sob. All I can think about is how much these kids have lost and how different their futures are now. They don’t have the hope we had when we were young. I grew up with nothing, but I never lost the desire to have more. To believe something better could happen for me.

These kids will never have that.

Anne sighs and shakes her head. She looks as sad as I feel. “No, honey. There’s no more McDonald’s.”

Max’s face falls and he stares at the ground.

“Shit, you don’t want McDonald’s,” Angus says, holding up two rabbits. “This here is real food. That stuff they fed you in them restaurants will kill you if you eat too much.” He kneels in front of Dylan and Max, and leans in close to the boys like he’s going to tell them a secret. “In fact, you wanna know what I heard?”

The boys’ eyes get big and round as they stare at the dead animals, and they shake their heads. Angus motions for them to get closer. They lean forward, along with everyone else sitting around the fire. Even Axl and I step closer.

“I heard them restaurants is what started all this mess.”

“You mean the zombies?” Max asks, his eyes once again full of wonder.

Angus leans even closer. Everyone around the fire watches him, waiting to hear what he has to say. Like he might actually have the missing piece of the puzzle.

“Sure. Them places were cheap, right?”

The boys nod in unison.

“Well, they had to get real cheap stuff to make their food. Meat that nobody else wanted an’ all that. I hear they got a real bad batch right ‘round the time people started gettin’ sick.”

Max’s face scrunches up and he shakes his head. “I thought it was a flu.”

“Yeah,” Dylan pipes in. His tone tells me he knows Angus is full of shit. “And my mom never ate at McDonald’s, but she got sick and died.”

Angus shrugs and sits back. “Just what I heard. I don’t know nothin’ for sure. Nobody does.” He holds the rabbit up in front of the boys again. “I do know this, though. Rabbits didn’t get that flu, right?”

“No animals did,” Max says quietly, studying Angus like he’s trying to figure out if this man is telling him the truth.

“They didn’t eat at McDonald’s neither.” Angus gets up before the boys can say anything else. When he turns away, there’s a big grin on his face.

Axl chuckles. “Son of a bitch.”

“Yeah,” I mutter.

The expression on Angus’s face reminds me of how he was with Emily. He was good with her, which took me by surprise. It’s even more shocking to see him talk to the boys, though. He hasn’t really paid the kids much attention before now. Maybe he was keeping his distance after losing Emily. Guarding himself against getting hurt again. Anything is possible, even with Angus.

“I never did like McDonald’s,” Lila says, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

Angus drops down on the stone bench and pulls out his knife. “That’s ‘cause you was too busy eatin’ gold-coated fillet. Ain’t that right?”

Lila’s face turns red, and Al jumps to his feet. He points his handless arm at Angus. “You have a problem with her because she had money?”

Angus slides his knife down the rabbit’s body, then looks up at Al. “Nope. I got a problem with her ‘cause every time she looks my way she makes a face. Like I’m a bum sittin’ outside her mansion, beggin’ for money. I ain’t gonna play nice when she’s busy bein’ a stuck-up bitch. Now get that stump outta my face so I can get ya’ll some dinner.”

Just like that, Angus’s soft side melts away.

“Damn,” Axl mutters.

I know he’s hoping his brother will eventually settle down and fit in, but I think it’s a lost cause. This is about as close as Angus is going to get, which means he’s almost tolerable fifty percent of the time.

Axl’s eyes move over the group, and his body stiffens. “Where’d everybody go?”

“To town to get meds,” Joshua says.

“Shit.” Axl’s arm drops from my shoulder. “Thought I told you to wait.”

Anne hugs Jake tight and glares at Axl. “Jake needs antibiotics.”

Axl slowly blows all the air out of his lungs, then nods. “You’re right. Just wanted to go with ‘em, that’s all. Wanted to make sure they was safe.”

“They’re good, Axl,” Winston says. “You aren’t responsible for everything.”

Axl nods, his eyes focused on the ground. “Yeah, I know.”

“Why don’t you go take a bath? Relax for a change.” Joshua tosses something Axl’s way, and he catches it. He opens his hand to reveal a bar of soap.

“Yeah. Don’t sound half bad.” He looks toward his brother. “You got this under control, Angus?”

“Yeah, yeah. You and Blondie head on up there and get freaky. I’ll make sure everybody gets somethin’ to eat.”

“Shut up, Angus,” Axl snaps.

I glare at Angus as I pick up the clean clothes I have waiting for Axl and me. The asshole just grins, of course. Whatever. I can’t wait to get clean, and there’s no way I’m going to let Angus ruin it.

“Ignore him.” I grab Axl’s hand and pull him toward the stairs that lead up to the smaller of the two hot springs.

The soft glow of the lanterns left behind by the others help light our way. All the adults bathed up here where it was more private. Some alone and some not—like Al and Lila. They were louder than they should have been, leading little Ava to ask her mom if Lila was crying. Sophia said yes.

From up here, we can see everything. The hot spring and the rest of the group sitting around the fire, as well as the forest in the distance. It’s a nice view, but not nearly as alluring as the heat coming off the little pool of water in front of me. I set our clean clothes down, then pull my filthy shirt off. My pants follow, which makes Axl look over his shoulder.

“They can’t see us,” I say. “I made sure earlier when everyone else was up here. All they can really see from down there are our heads. It was probably designed that way on purpose.”

“Clothes optional,” Axl says.

“Not when I’m up here with you.” I yank his shirt over his head, then go for the zipper on his jeans. “When you’re here, it’s clothes prohibited.”

He grins, his eyes holding mine. “That right?”

I ease his jeans down, smiling up at him the whole time. “That’s right.”

The second we’re both naked, I head for the hot spring. The air is chilly and standing out in the open has me covered in goose bumps, but the water is nice and warm. Slightly hotter than a bath. It’s probably the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt.

I turn and hold my hand out to Axl, who’s still foolishly standing on the top step. “Give me that soap.”

He looks down at the bar clutched in his hand, staring at the thing like he forgot it was there, then steps into the hot spring. “Damn.” He closes his eyes like he’s on the brink of ecstasy.

“I know,” I say, ripping the soap out of his hand.

The water only comes to my waist, so I sink lower until I’m submerged up to my chin. I wet my hair, then scrub every inch of my body until my skin stings. Then my hair. I’ve never been this filthy in my life.

Once we’re both clean, Axl settles onto the manmade bench that lines the wall of the little pool. I move over so I’m sitting on his lap, and wrap my arms around his neck like we’re two people out enjoying a day at a spa rather than what we’ve been for the past few weeks. People running for our lives. Hiding. Trying to survive. I want to enjoy this moment.

“What were you and Angus doing that took so long?” I know they weren’t hunting that whole time, and I want to know what they were up to.

“Stakin’ out the area. Wanted to see if there was any sign of the dead.”

“You find anything?”

“Nope. Don’t look like the area’s been bothered since all this started. No bodies ‘round. Lotsa animals in the woods. It’s pretty secluded. Might be good to hang out for a few days. Rest up.”

“You think it’s safe?”

“Safest place we’ve come ‘cross since we left the desert. Bet we can make it work for a bit. Once it gets really cold it’ll be no good, but for now we got them tents set up close to the springs. The water gives off a little heat and we got plenty of blankets an’ sleepin’ bags.”

“It would be nice to rest.”

“Give Jake a chance to get better. Them wood houses they got ain’t real sturdy, but we could set somethin’ up in there for him. Be warmer than the tent. Hopefully, the others can find some meds and he can get better.”

Axl brushes some wet hair off my forehead and I press my lips to his, then shift so I’m straddling him. He’s hard already. The feel of him causes heat to move through my veins. “I could get used to this, too. It seems like a shame to drive off and leave something so amazing.”

“Yeah,” he says again, moving his hands up my thighs and over my stomach to my chest, not stopping until they’re cupping both of my breasts. His touch is hotter than the water. I kiss him harder, grabbing his bottom lip between my teeth and giving it a little tug. He groans. “You been takin’ them pills, right?”

“I have.”

“Good.”

He guides my body over his, and then he’s inside me. We move together and the water swirls around us, splashing against the stone, and more than once I have to bite down on my lip so I don’t make a total ass of myself.

“So you think staying here is a good idea?” Winston asks in a skeptical tone. It isn’t often he and Axl disagree, but this may be one of those times.

“I think we need to rest,” Axl says.

Angus spits on the ground and drapes his arm over Darla’s shoulder. “Yeah. It’d be nice to take a break. Plus, that truck is startin’ to smell like shit.”

I look toward the fire where everyone else sits. Hadley, Jon, and Parvarti aren’t back yet, and Joshua fell asleep, so it’s just the five of us making the decision right now. Anne and Sophia are preoccupied with the kids, and Jessica usually just defers to her dad’s opinion. Al and Lila don’t seem to care as long as they’re together and safe. Then there’s Moira…. She’s barely even a person anymore.

“But we can’t stay here forever,” Winston says slowly.

“No,” I say. “Just for a couple days. Until Jake is feeling better. Hopefully, the others come back with antibiotics and he can recover, then we can move on. We realize this is a temporary solution, but we need it. We need a break.”

Winston nods slowly and scratches at his beard. It’s long now, and he reminds me of a black member of ZZ Top. I guess he decided not cut it any time soon. “You think it’s safe?”

Angus spits again, and no one even blinks. We’re getting too used to it. “Safest place we been, that’s for sure.”

We lapse into silence. Since I can’t read minds, I don’t know for sure what everyone else is thinking about, but I can’t stop reliving the past few months. The emergence of the virus in New York, which almost seems like a dream at this point, then the spread. The realization that things were not going to get better, and my determination to make it to Emily. To the daughter I gave up for adoption when I was sixteen. It required travel approval since the country was under martial law and a physical, but I was determined to make it happen. When my car broke down, I thought that was the end for me, but it turned out to be the best thing to ever happen. It’s how I met Axl. He and Angus were running from the virus too, heading to California just like I was. By the time we got there the virus had taken its toll, though. Eighty-five percent of the population gone in a matter of weeks. The world felt like a ghost town.

Of course, that would have been a much more desirable alternative to the new reality of the walking dead.

When we realized the dead had come back, we were floored, and the shelter in Vegas seemed like a utopia. The perfect place for us to live out the next few years while we waited for the bodies to die a second time. It should have worked, but life is cruel. The company that built the thing had financial problems, which resulted in selling off all their supplies. We had to make a run out to Vegas to find more food and fuel, and that’s where we met the real enemy. Who knew there were things worse than zombies out there?

The men who’d taken over the Monte Carlo were the worst kind. Evil to the very core. When they grabbed Hadley and me, we had little hope of escape. If Jon hadn’t been undercover in the casino looking for his sister, we’d probably still be there. He may have been one of the men who grabbed us, but he also helped us escape. We made it out alive, but not without a few scars. The men from Vegas got their revenge, though. They destroyed our shelter, the only safe place left as far as we know. Since then we’ve been wandering. Lost. Looking for a place that will sustain a group this size while we cling to the few scraps of hope we have left.

We went from Nevada to Utah, wanting to make it out to Wyoming or Montana. Areas that were less populated and had more open space back when people were still people. But a lot of the roads were blocked from when the country was under martial law. The route we followed eventually led us to Colorado, but before that we drove through hundreds of miles of nothingness. Looking for other survivors we could trust or a safe place to live or some sign that there’s still law in this country. We found none of that.

What we found instead were bodies walking the Earth or rotting in piles. Towns and cities overrun. Stores looted or smashed or burnt. The few living people we came across weren’t as bad as the ones in Vegas, but they didn’t fit in with our group. We saw secluded areas that had been fortified where men acted like frat brothers. Spending their days drinking and eating bags of Doritos while they used the dead for target practice. One house we found had the rotting bodies of zombies tied to the fence circling the property. One every few feet, like grisly scarecrows. It terrified the children and put the rest of us on edge. Who knows what frame of mind the inhabitants were in to do such a grotesque thing? We didn’t wait around to find out.

After a few minutes of silence, Winston finally nods, exhaling slowly. There’s a good chance he was reliving the last few weeks just like I was.

He looks toward the fire, and I’m not sure since it’s dark, but it looks like he has tears in his eyes. “Okay, then. Let’s get settled.”

When Parvarti, Hadley, and Jon finally show back up, Joshua is out of his seat and running toward them before they’re halfway down the stairs. I’m sure Anne would be right behind him if Jake wasn’t in her lap.

“Did you find something?” Joshua asks.

Even in the firelight, I can see how frightened his eyes are. He’s as scared of losing Jake as Anne is, but I think for him it would feel like surrendering to reality. Giving in to the fact that things have changed and an MD next to his name doesn’t give him all the superpowers he hoped it would. That even he is limited.

Parvarti rips the bandana off her head and runs her fingers through her dark hair. “Nope. The pharmacy was bare.”

Joshua’s face falls, and his shoulders slump like all the air has left his lungs.

“We’ll figure it out,” Jon says, slapping him on the shoulder on the way to the fire. “You guys save me some meat?”

“How was the town?” I ask.

“Deserted.” Hadley stands at the bottom of the stairs, looking back and forth between the fire and the hot springs. “I think I’m going to take a bath.”

Jon has barely sat down, but he gets to his feet like he’s ready to join her. Only she doesn’t even look his way before heading toward the springs.

“You want to get clean, Parv?” Hadley calls as she turns toward the stairs.

“Yeah,” Parvarti says.

They head up to the small hot spring, and Jon slumps back onto the bench. “How about some of that rabbit?”

He doesn’t look surprised, but he doesn’t look happy either. This thing with him and Hadley has been weird from the beginning. No one really understands what’s going on between them. Hell, I’m not even sure they understand it. I think for Hadley it started as a way for her to forget about what happened in Vegas. Probably did for Jon, too. He lost his sister, after all. But for him it seems to have progressed into something more. He likes her. I can tell by the way he gravitates toward her throughout the day, and how he always has her back when we run into a group of the dead. Hadley doesn’t seem to share his feelings.

Maybe she’s still trying to forget.

I lean my head against Axl’s shoulder and let out a deep sigh. It’s getting late, and all the kids have turned in except Jake. Even Moira, Sophia, and Jessica have gone to bed. Angus and Darla are God knows where doing God knows what. We’re all beat, and I’m pretty sure Anne is only up because she was hoping they’d come back with meds for Jake.

Now that it looks hopeless, she eases Jake to his feet and gives us a little wave. “We’re going to get some sleep.”

“Night,” I say, echoing the murmurs of the others.

Al yawns and puts his arm around Lila. “So…what are the sleeping arrangements like? I mean, the one tent has the kids and Jess and Moira. Anne and Sophia have a shelter. That leaves one shelter and two tents.” He looks toward Lila, whose cheeks get red even in the firelight. “Where’s that leave us?”

“You mean, ‘where can we go screw?’” Jon’s mouth is full of rabbit, and a few small pieces fly out when he laughs at his own joke.

Al’s face breaks out into a huge grin. “I have needs.”

“Al!” Lila shoves him, then buries her face in his chest.

Al doesn’t look the least repentant.

“We need two people on watch,” Winston says. He doesn’t acknowledge Al’s needs.

“We can take the first watch,” I say just as a yawn forces its way out of me. I cover my mouth and turn my head so it doesn’t spread, but no such luck. Immediately after I yawn, Al and Lila do too, then Axl. Even Winston. I’m tired, but I’d rather stay up a few extra hours now than have my rest disturbed.

Axl shifts, and I’m forced to move my head from his shoulder as he gets to his feet. “What you think ‘bout walkin’ the area? We stay down here or go on up a bit every now an’ then to check things out?”

Winston gets up too, and his eyes scan the forest as he pulls at his beard like some old-time scholar on the verge of a massive discovery. “We don’t want you going up too far. We wouldn’t be able to hear if you ran into trouble.”

“Just to the top of the stairs, then?”

Al clears his throat. “No one answered my question.”

Axl rolls his eyes.

Winston waves Al off. “Just pick a tent. And for the love of God, use protection.” He turns his back to the teenagers. “There are too many raging hormones in this group.”

“It’s the end of the world,” Al says, jumping to his feet. He’s grinning when he pulls Lila up with his remaining hand. “Need to celebrate life! Seize the day! Live life to the fullest!”

Axl’s mouth twitches, but Winston just shakes his head.

Jon is laughing his ass off. “You’re a walking cliché, Al.”

“Don’t care as long as I get laid. When the zombies showed up, I thought for sure I was going to die a virgin.”

Lila shoves him, but even she’s smiling. “Will you shut up?”

“Never!” Al says. “I want the whole world to know I’m going to have sex! I only wish I could go back to my high school and tell everyone there.”

“They wouldn’t care,” Lila says, pulling him toward the tent. “They’re all zombies now.”

Al walks with her, but he doesn’t let up. The kid must have been the class clown. “True. Now all they’re concerned about are brains.”

He pretends he’s going to take a bite out of Lila, and she squeals. It’s quiet, though. The whole conversation is. It’s like we’ve all had the volume buttons in our bodies adjusted and the only level we have anymore is low. Communicating in a whisper is automatic, whether we’re talking or fighting or laughing or joking around. It’s all muted. Just like the world is now.

4

I LEAN AGAINST AXL, STARING INTO the flickering flames of the campfire. Everyone has gone to sleep now, and it’s just the two of us. It reminds me of when we camped on the side of Route 66. He was a mystery to me then. So silent and brooding. Not transparent like his brother.

Now, sometimes I feel like I know Axl as well as I know myself. Maybe even better.

“I’m glad we found this place,” I say.

“Be nice if we could stay.”

“Could we make it work?”

He exhales and shifts but doesn’t make a move to stand. “Don’t know. We’re in the middle of nowhere, but that don’t mean nothin’. They could start travelin’. Move away from the cities to find food.”

“Do you think they need to eat? I mean, will they eventually waste away?”

“Don’t got a clue.”

How would he? None of us understand what happened or how these things work. They’re dead, that’s for sure. The people who died from the virus were down for almost two days before they came back as flesh-eating monsters. Once that happened, those of us who were immune to the original virus weren’t safe if bitten or scratched. We died just like they did. Came back just as hungry for violence. There’s no telling when this thing will end.

Or even if it will.

Axl sighs and nudges me aside. He grabs his gun as he gets to his feet. “Let’s check things out.”

Even though I’m comfortable and warm by the fire, I grab my own gun and follow Axl toward the stairs. His eyes are working overtime as we walk, checking every inch of the area out. Around us, the night is dark and as silent as a cemetery, and the air is clear. Just like it has been since we got here. I can’t help thinking that even if we do run into any zombies out here, it can’t be more one or two. There’s no real reason for more to show up, not here in the middle of nowhere. Plus, Hadley told us the town they went to was almost empty. Maybe they’ve all moved on to the cities.

We pass the tents, and the quiet sound of snoring can be heard through the canvas. I know by this point it’s Winston. We’ve been living in such close quarters that I can now distinguish each and every sound my traveling companions make. Sometimes it’s annoying, but usually it just makes me feel safe.

Axl pauses and points to the stone wall behind the tents. “We got this wall,” he whispers. “It ain’t the best protection.” His finger travels the length of the wall, then moves toward the rocks in the distance. “Them mountains at our backs are good. Means nothin’ could come at us from that side.”

“Only through the woods,” I say.

He nods and drops his hand, then continues on toward the stairs. “Problem with that is we’d be boxed in.”

He’s right. “If something—”

“Or somebody.” Axl doesn’t look my way, but his jaw tenses.

I swallow when memories of Vegas come flooding back. The thought of people coming in here scares me more than the thought of a few zombies finding us. Zombies are predictable. With people, it’s impossible to tell what their real intentions are.

“If they came at us from the woods,” I say in a shaky voice, “we’d have to fight our way out.”

“Right.” Axl moves halfway up the stairs, then turns and looks around. “We got the Nissan and the truck at the top of the hill where we can’t see ‘em, and we got no place to hide ‘em. There’s all these trees between us too. We’d be taken by surprise if we got attacked.”

“But someone would have to find us first.”

He purses his lips like he does when he’s thinking, nodding slowly. “Yeah.”

“You think they would? Come looking here, I mean?”

“If they saw that sign they might. We did.”

He has another good point. Of course. With no electricity or gas for hot water, a hot spring like this would seem like a gold mine to anyone passing by.

“We take the sign down,” I say. “If they don’t know it’s here, they won’t come.”

A cool wind blows, and the few leaves remaining on the trees rustle together above us. I shiver and wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep warm. Maybe it isn’t just the cold that’s making me tremble. It could be the thought of this peaceful little corner of the world being disturbed.

“Takin’ the sign down would help,” Axl says, rubbing his shoulder. I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it. “Still gotta set up some kinda alarm. That way if somethin’ comes through the woods, we have some warnin’.”

“We still have those cans we tied together,” I point out. “We can use those. We’ve done it when we camped before.”

“Don’t got enough. This is a bigger area.”

“We get more,” I say, when a sudden feeling of desperation comes over me.

We need to make this work so we can be in one place and not on the run anymore. I feel like I’m slowly going mad, shoved into the back of that truck. Driving on and on, no windows to actually see what we’re passing and no idea where we’re even going to begin with.

I move closer to Axl. The expression on his face tells me he doesn’t really believe we can make this happen. “We have plenty of canned drinks in the truck. I know we haven’t been using them since we didn’t want to get dehydrated, but we could use them for this. Tomorrow we could let the kids go nuts. I’m sure Angus wouldn’t have a problem drinking some of that beer, too. You never let him.”

Axl snorts, and his mouth almost pulls up into a smile. “Like I could stop him.”

I don’t know if that’s true. Angus got that beer at one of our stops and has wanted to dip into it so many times, but for some reason he hasn’t. He keeps bitching about not being allowed to, but I think he’s holding back because he’s trying to fit in. He’s doing it for his brother, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Ever since Axl got shot, Angus has been softer. For Angus, anyway.

Axl’s eyes move back to the stairs, then sweep over the area. His lips are still pursed like he’s working out a math problem. It gives me hope, as foolish as that sounds. Maybe we can stay here after all.

“If we get a warning system set up, can we make this work?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

“We still got the problem of shelter.” Axl turns my way, and his stormy eyes hold mine. Right away I know it’s no good, but that doesn’t stop him from laying it all out for me. “It’s November in Colorado. It’s gonna get cold soon. Probably snow.”

Some of my hope slips away, but I’m not ready to give up just yet. “Can we build something?”

I turn to face the tents, and my eyes land on the shelters. They’re small. One was barely big enough for Anne, Jake, Sophia, and Ava to fit in, but maybe we could build onto them.

“Don’t think we’d have an easy time buildin’ somethin’ down here,” Axl says. “The ground’s rock, plus we’d hafta drag supplies through the woods. Don’t seem possible.”

I exhale what little hope I have left inside, and it blows away, carried by the wind. “Yeah.”

Axl moves toward me, wrapping me in his arms. “But we can make it work for a few days at least.”

Then we’ll be back on the road. More driving. More wandering.

We wake Jon and Hadley when it’s their turn to take watch. Somehow, they ended up in the other shelter. Alone. I think it was because everyone else went to bed before them and no one wanted to be the asshole who took the only solid building. Not even Angus, which kind of surprises me.

Jon and Hadley get dressed and take our spots, then Axl and I find ourselves alone in the small building. The walls are thin. Rickety. They shake when the wind blows, rattling the whole building so hard it feels like it will collapse at any moment. Cool air seeps in through the cracks, making me shiver. Staying warm is going to be tough.

“The tents might be warmer than this,” I tell Axl as I stretch out on the stone floor next to him. My body is sore from exhaustion.

“Come here.”

Axl’s voice is gruff when he pulls me against him. His lips are inches from my neck, and the warmth of his breath helps heat my skin. Helps keep me warm. He runs his hand up my side, and even though I’m so exhausted I could sleep for a week, I twist to face him. His mouth finds mine in the darkness, and he sweeps his tongue over my lips. A shiver runs down my spine when Axl moves his hand under my shirt and pulls my bra aside, running his thumb over my nipple.

“I miss them rings,” he whispers against my lips.

“They got in the way,” I say, not bothering to tell him that having the nipple rings felt stupid. Pointless in the middle of all this craziness.

I drape my leg over Axl’s hip, trying to pull my body closer to his. If life were normal, this is how every night would be for us. We’d live together, maybe get married. Down the road we could even have kids, then I wouldn’t have to worry so much about remembering to take the pills that prevent a life from growing inside me. We could be a real family.

But that’s not how things are, and right now I live for these moments. For the times when we’re together and I can forget everything but the two of us. When Axl can wash away the pain and horror of life with his kiss. Can make me forget the heartache and death and struggle we’ve had so much of the last few weeks. Maybe one day we’ll be able to find a home and build something real, but until then I’ll cling to Axl and these stolen moments.

I wake to the sound of quiet laughter. Sunlight breaks through the cracks in the shelter, blinding me when I try to open my eyes. I shield my face and roll over, and a shiver runs through my body when the blankets fall away. Axl’s side of the shelter is empty, as usual. He doesn’t sleep much. We talked about it once, and he told me all about waking up as a teenager to a trailer full of smoke. Trying to get to his mom. Finding out she was dead long before the fire started. After that, he had nightmares. I can understand why sleep would be difficult.

I find my shoes tangled in with the sheets and pull them on before heading out to join the others. The small amount of light that seeped into the shelter did nothing to prepare me for the bright morning, and I find myself squinting all over again. We may be surrounded by trees, but the hot spring is in a clearing and there’s nothing to block out the bright rays. My eyes are half closed when I stumble toward the fire, but I can still make out the small group gathered around it. Hadley, Jon, Darla, Lila, and Al.

Hadley calls out to me when I’m still five feet away. “You want some coffee?”

“Coffee?” I say it like it’s a foreign word. Since when did we have that luxury? We ran out of coffee a while back. Haven’t found any, either. Not instant, anyway, which is what we need.

“Found some yesterday when we were in town,” Jon says.

I lower myself onto the bench at Hadley’s side and stretch until my back pops. She holds a metal mug out to me, and the smell is practically orgasmic.

“Coffee,” I murmur, letting out a sigh.

When I take a sip, the liquid is so hot it scalds the tip of my tongue. It feels good though, if that makes sense. Reminds me of burning my tongue on hot chocolate when I was a kid, then walking around the rest of the day with that raw tingly feeling lingering in my mouth. Weird that I’d have any good memories of my childhood.

I turn toward the sound of splashing. The kids are back in the hot spring, running around in nothing but their underwear. Laughing and looking relaxed for the first time in weeks. Jessica and Sophia stand at the edge of the pool, talking while they watch the kids. Sophia rubs her rounded belly, and my heart constricts as memories of my own pregnancy come flooding back.

Like Sophia’s, it was a bittersweet event. I was young and alone, living with an abusive father. I knew I had to give her up when she was born, but there were still moments so joyful they were able to overshadow all of that. Moments when I felt my baby move and I was able to focus on the life I’d helped create rather than the shitty circumstances I’d found myself in. Emily was a blessing, that’s for sure. Even the short time I was with her made all the pain worth it.

I exhale and look around for Axl like I always do when I think of Emily. But he isn’t here, and he’s not the only one who’s missing.

“Where is everyone?”

“Anne is lying down with Jake, and I’m pretty sure Joshua is with them,” Hadley says. “Angus and Parvarti are hunting, and Winston and Axl went up to the truck to get some supplies.”

I should be helping, but I’m groggy this morning. Having a difficult time waking up. I slept like a log for the first time in a long time, and it’s playing tricks with my body. So I lean back and try to relax. Just for a bit.

I’ve earned it.

“I want to head back out soon,” Hadley says.

“Yeah.” Jon rolls his shoulders and just like my back, they pop. We’re all full of knots from sleeping on such hard surfaces every night.

“Where are you going?” I ask, blowing into my coffee.

“There’s another town about twenty miles farther out. We need to see if we can find some antibiotics.” Hadley gets up and pulls her hair into a ponytail. “Jake needs medicine and waiting is stupid.”

“Axl know about this?” I ask.

Hadley’s green eyes snap toward me, then narrow on my face. “Axl isn’t in charge.”

What? I don’t have a clue where it’s coming from, but Hadley sounds mad. “I didn’t say he was. I was just wondering what he thought about it.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jon says, standing. Following Hadley’s lead. They act like they’re ready to head out right this second. “We’re going. We discussed this last night before we even got back, and we aren’t going to change our minds.”

“Okay…” I set my mug down, unsure of what to say or do. I’ve never seen Hadley lose her cool like this—except with that asshole Mitchell back at the shelter—and I’m not sure what’s brought it on. Something I missed while I was still asleep? “I’m not saying you shouldn’t go, I just want to know what’s happening. How far out is this town? You were gone for a pretty long time yesterday.”

“Looks like it will take about an hour to get there,” Jon says.

“If you don’t run into any trouble,” I point out, “which we all know is unlikely.”

Hadley’s face gets red, and she blows air out of her nose so violently it reminds me of a bull. “Why are you trying to talk us out of this?”

What the hell is going on?

I get to my feet and take a step toward her. “Hadley, I’m not. I’m just talking to you. Why don’t you tell me what’s really wrong?”

She shrugs me off when I reach out to her, then stomps away without saying anything else. Jon hurries after her. I have no clue what just happened, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t have anything to do with me.

I turn to find Al, Lila, and Darla staring at me. “What’s going on?”

“Hadley already fought about this with Axl and Winston this morning,” Al says, shrugging like it’s no big deal. “Winston doesn’t want them to go, and Axl backed him up.”

“But Jake needs the medicine.”

Al puts his hand—and stump—up like he’s trying to ward off an argument. “I’m just telling you what happened.”

There goes my hope of being able to relax. “I’m going to find Axl so I can figure out what’s going on.”

I head up the stairs, and the second I hear footsteps behind me, I know it’s Darla. Damn. Why can’t she leave me alone? I stop at the top of the steps and wait for her to catch up. It doesn’t seem like I’m going to be able to shake her for much longer, so maybe it’s better if we get this whole thing out in the open. Whatever it is.

I force my expression to remain emotionless as I turn her way. It isn’t easy. Darla brings out too many emotions in me. Things I’d rather forget.

She reaches the top of the stairs and stops, and I get a really good look at my mom for the first time in a few weeks. She’s looking rough. Her hair has grown out and her roots are dark brown. They’re close to two inches long now. The weight she’s lost has made her face gaunt and her boobs saggy. She’s aged about five years in the last few weeks, but her smile is the same. I know because it’s like looking in a mirror.

“You gonna talk to me?” she says, frowning.

“You seem to think it’s important that I do,” I say, crossing my arms as if they’ll protect me from her presence.

“I think it’s about time we put the past behind us, don’t you?”

A thousand bitter words bubble up inside me. This is the woman who gave birth to me then ran out, leaving me alone with an abusive man. She never looked back. Never checked on me. I probably would have never seen her again if we hadn’t run into her in Vegas. Of course she’d want to put the past behind her.

“Then what?” I ask. “You want us to develop some deep and meaningful mother-daughter bond?”

She rolls her eyes so far back her irises almost get lost in her skull. “‘Course not. I ain’t dumb. But you been holding onto all this anger for so long. Don’t you think you’d feel better if you could forgive me?”

I’d like to tell her no, but I know it’d be a lie. To be honest, it would be nice not to have bitterness threaten to suffocate me every time I look at her. I’m just not sure if I can do it. My life never would have been easy, but if she’d taken me with her it could have been better.

Of course, then I wouldn’t be standing here. Who knows where I’d be, but I would have taken a different path. Never would have had Emily. Never met Axl. Never joined up with this group. Who knows if they would even be together right now? Axl is a different person than he was a few months ago, and I’d like to think I had a lot to do with that.

Everything happens for a reason.

Of course, acknowledging that to myself and being ready to forgive my mom are two very different things.

“I’ll think about it,” I say.

Darla frowns, and the skin under her eyes sags even more. “Think about it?”

“Yeah.”

She lets out a deep breath, then nods like she understands. “You know, I didn’t ever want to be a mom.”

I blink, and the sudden pain in my gut feels like someone has punched me. Is this her way of trying to make me feel better?

“Thanks?” I say, unable to hold back the bitterness.

Darla rolls her eyes again, this time making the gesture so exaggerated she looks more like a caricature than an actual person. “Don’t do that. When you get all sarcastic like that you sound like your daddy.”

The tension in my stomach gets more intense. This woman knows exactly what to say to get under my skin.

“Never say anything like that to me again,” I say through clenched teeth, digging my nails into my arm.

“Forget all that.” She waves her hand in the air like she can swat away the words. “I didn’t say all that to make you mad. I just wanna explain. It’s something I never got to do. I was barely seventeen when I got knocked up, but you knew that. Your daddy was a lot older. Already twenty-four. I didn’t have a good home. Had a dad who barely worked and drank too much, and a mom that was always pregnant herself.” She pauses and looks at me. “Did you know I had six brothers and a sister?”

I shake my head. “Never met even one aunt or uncle.”

“They didn’t keep in touch.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal, but the look in her eyes says differently. “My mama was pregnant with my baby sister when I found out about you. She did her best, and I know she loved us, but it was all too much for her. Your daddy offered to take me on and marry me, and I think she saw it as one less mouth to feed. I dropped outta school and got married.”

“And the rest is history.”

She snorts, and her brown eyes move to the ground. “Something like that.”

“So you never loved me?”

The second the words are out, I regret it. I’m not sure I want to know. I thought I’d accepted that my parents had been indifferent to me when I was a child, but standing here in front of my mom, I’m not sure if I want to have that reality confirmed. It might feel like her running out on me all over again.

When Darla looks up, her eyes are softer. “Didn’t say that. I was young. It don’t really excuse how I acted, but you gotta remember that. When I ran off I was only twenty-seven. Lotta people that age don’t even have kids. I felt trapped. Your daddy couldn’t look at me without getting mad, and it always led to me getting a black eye. Being a mom just wasn’t my thing.”

Emily’s face flashes through my mind, and I dig my nails deeper into my arm. I hate that I know what she means, but I do. All I ever thought about was Emily, but once I had her back, I didn’t know what to do with her or myself. I thought it would be natural. That’s what I’d always heard anyway.

“It’s a lot harder than you think it’s going to be,” I mumble, unsure if I’m saying it for my benefit or Darla’s.

Her brown eyes grow wide, and she tilts her head to the side. “You make me a grandma?”

Shit. Last thing I ever wanted to talk with her about was Emily, but the cat’s out of the bag now. “Let’s just say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“Seventeen?”

“I was sixteen, actually. It was a girl. Emily,” I whisper, pain radiating through my body like it’s trying to suck the life out of me.

“What happened to her?”

My throat tightens and I do my best not to think about the day she died, but it’s an impossible task. What I have to say about Emily could fill a book. Darla doesn’t know that Emily was the first casualty in our group.

“I gave her up,” I finally say. “I couldn’t bring her back to the trailer. Not with Roger using me as a punching bag. Plus, I wanted to finish high school so I could make something of myself. I wanted her to have a good life.”

“Maybe that’s what I shoulda done. I don’t know.”

Things would have been so different if she’d done that, but then again, so would I. The person I am now fits into this world. I’m strong and resourceful. Used to working hard. If I’d had an easy life, I might not have made it.

“Maybe you did the right thing.” Darla’s eyebrows shoot up, and I shrug. “It made me strong.”

Footsteps come up behind us, and I turn to find Axl heading our way. He stops when he sees Darla and me standing together. It’s hard to read the expression on his face—he’s always so guarded—but he looks almost like he’s ready to charge over and protect me. From my mom. Which kind of makes me want to laugh.

“You guys get what you need out of the truck?” I ask.

He closes the distance between us and slides his hand around my waist protectively. “We gotta get them drinks down to the camp. Need them cans.”

“I can help.” I turn to Darla and do my best to smile at her. I’m pretty sure it looks as fake as it feels, but it’s a start. “You want to help?”

“Sure thing.”

When I turn to look at Axl, his eyes are wide with surprise. I guess he didn’t expect to find me chatting it up with my mom like we were old friends. Neither did I, that’s for sure.

My arms strain from the weight of the soda cans as I head back down to the hot spring. Axl’s in front of me, carrying twice as many as I am. In front of him, Darla is huffing away, and Winston is just as loaded down as Axl is.

“What’s going on with you and Hadley?” I ask Axl.

He glances over his shoulder at me and frowns, the scar on his chin puckering slightly. “Don’t know what you mean.”

“She was pretty pissed off this morning when I mentioned you.”

“She wants to leave right away so they can get meds, but we told her to wait. She didn’t take it well,” Winston says.

“Jake needs them.”

It comes out harder than I meant it to, but I don’t apologize. I don’t know why I’m so upset, but I am. It’s not like I think Axl and Winston plan on letting Jake die. They just like to be prepared. But Hadley being so upset has gotten to me, and I don’t like her thinking I’m against her. I’m not. We’ve been through so much together, and I want her to know I still have her back. I always will.

“We just want to think it through,” Axl says. “They run off without plannin’ and we’ll never see them again.”

Something just doesn’t add up, but I’m not sure what. “I’ve never seen her that mad. There has to be more to it.”

“Emotions are running high,” Winston says. “I think the close quarters are starting to get to people. Maybe Hadley sees this as way to get some alone time, too. Fresh air, so to speak.”

He makes a good point. Maybe that’s all it is. Hadley needing some time away from the group. Being overly sensitive. It’s not like I can blame her for that.

The stairs come into view, and right away I catch sight of Hadley standing near the bottom. She’s geared up, backpack and all, and looks like she’s ready to head out. Axl swears. He’s going to have to let it go, though. Hadley is a big girl, and he can’t tell her what to do. Plus, she isn’t reckless.

“What’s with all the pop?” Hadley asks as I gingerly follow the others down the stairs. She has her arms crossed, and her green eyes snap back and forth between the four of us. She acts like she’s waiting for us to attack and tie her down so she can’t leave.

“Need the cans.” Axl’s tone is short, and he brushes by Hadley without even looking her way. Not that she’s looking at him, either.

There has to be more to the story than Axl is letting on. Hadley’s pissed over something that has nothing to do with running off to find medicine. What the hell happened between Axl and Hadley?

“We’re setting up a security system,” I tell Hadley. “Like we’ve done before. We don’t have enough empty cans, so we figured the kids could drink some soda.”

Hadley nods and follows me to the fire. Her expression is softer than it was before, but now she looks uncomfortable. I wish I knew what was going on.

Jon is sitting on the bench tying his boots, and just like Hadley, Parvarti is loaded down with weapons. Her arms are crossed and her expression is as emotionless as always. Lately, she acts like nothing bothers her, which is a huge contrast from how she was when we first met. I can still remember how freaked out she was when we raided an abandoned car for supplies. She acted like a child back then. Now, though, she seems more like a robot.

Axl sets his cans down and crosses his arms. “Still think y’all should wait.”

“We’re not waiting,” Hadley snaps. She sets her jaw and glares, but her eyes are focused on the ground. Not him. It’s an expression I haven’t seen on her face since the Monte Carlo.

“What are you so worried about?” I ask Axl, trying to smooth things over. Maybe if I can talk some sense into him, Hadley will stop being so angry. “Jake needs the meds and we can’t all go. This is something that has to be done.”

“Just think we should send more people,” he says, his lips puckering up in a way that reminds me of his brother. I hate when he gets that look on his face.

“We are.” Angus comes out of the tent, and his gray eyes move toward Darla. “The four of us are gonna head out. Should be back by dark if we leave soon.”

Axl’s arms drop to his side. “You’re goin’?”

“Yup. Hollywood asked me to go and I’m runnin’ low on dip. Figured it was a good time to make a run.” Angus shoves his gun in his waistband and spits.

It’s a bold-faced lie. Angus has plenty of dip. He loaded up on it the last time we went out since it was pretty much the only thing the store had left, other than gum and cigarettes. He got some of those, too.

Axl doesn’t call his brother out on his bullshit, though. “Alright. Y’all know where you’re headed? Got a plan?”

Angus nods, but he’s still looking at Darla. “Yup.”

“I’m gonna grab my gear,” Darla says. “Come with you folks. The hot springs are nice, but I’m feeling boxed in. Need some air.”

She jogs toward the tent, and Hadley lifts her head and gives Axl a smug look. I don’t have a clue what’s up with those two, but hopefully some time away will help them both cool down.

Darla’s ready in less than five minutes, and the five of them head for the stairs. Axl pats his brother on the back as he walks by but doesn’t look at Hadley once. I follow the group up the trail, feeling like I need to apologize for Axl or something.

“Hey,” I say, grabbing Hadley’s arm when we’re only halfway up to the truck. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why Axl’s being so difficult, but you know his intentions are good. Right?”

Hadley doesn’t look me in the eye, and she shrugs like she isn’t sure what’s going on. “Whatever. I’m tired of taking orders from a redneck. What qualifies him to tell us what to do?”

My hand falls away from her arm and I step back, staring at her with my mouth open for ten seconds before I manage to find my voice. “That’s a shitty thing to say.”

Hadley shrugs again, then turns away from me. Following the others up the trail. “Sometimes the truth sucks. You of all people should know that.”

I don’t say anything and I don’t follow her, but I do watch her until she disappears around the bend. Right before she turns, she glances back at me, and I swear there are tears in her eyes.

Maybe Hadley’s having a tougher time than I thought she was.

5

WHEN THE NISSAN’S ENGINE ROARS to life, I’m able to relax for the first time all day. I need a break from the group. There’s no privacy. No time to think. It’s starting to get to me.

Jon rests his arm on the seat behind me, and the hair on my neck prickles. His arm isn’t quite around me, but it’s close. Too close. I swear, he acts like we’re two fourteen-year-olds who are going steady. It’s irritating as hell. I don’t know how he managed to maneuver his way in between me and Parv when we got into the car, but I wish she’d ended up in the middle.

“How far away is this town?” I ask, leaning forward so I can’t feel Jon’s body heat on the back of my neck.

“‘Bout forty miles.” Angus’s eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. “You anxious to kill some of them bastards, Hollywood?”

“No. Just want to get there and look for the meds. It’s important, despite what your dumbass brother thinks.”

Angus’s lips get all puckered up, and he looks like he’s going to spit at me. He narrows his eyes, but I narrow mine right back at him. I’m tired of being bossed around like I don’t have a fucking brain of my own.

“Axl’s just looking out for the group, that’s all. Don’t you be too mad at him, sweetie.” Darla smiles at me and pats Angus’s leg.

I roll my eyes.

That woman makes my skin crawl. I’m not sure I ever wanted to scratch someone’s eyes out as much as I do hers, especially when she tries to talk to Vivian. Bitch doesn’t know how to leave well enough alone.

Of course, she’s right and I know it. I’m just mad. Mad at the shit we’re going through and mad at myself for making it worse by being a dumbass bitch who’s too damaged to play nice. Pissed at Axl for trying to insert himself into every inch of my life. Like he’s omniscient and will somehow be able to stop the worst from happening. He can’t though, and that’s what pisses me off the most.

Jon puts his hand on my back, and I jerk away. I glare at him out of the corner of my eye, and he sighs. That sigh is even worse than him trying to act like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. It sounds so weak and pathetic. Why the hell doesn’t he stick up for himself? Tell me to stop being a bitch or remind me I was the one who started this whole thing to begin with. Just show some balls for a change if nothing else.

Be more like Axl.

“Well, the sooner we get there the better,” I say, scooting forward until my ass is half off the seat. “Hit the gas, Angus. We don’t have speed limits anymore.”

Angus puckers his lips, then slams his foot on the gas. I close my eyes and pretend we’re headed for a brick wall.

He doesn’t slow until we reach the outskirts of town. It isn’t big. One main street and a couple side streets lined with small houses. The paint is chipped on most of them and the roofs are saggy. The place is a shithole. I’m honestly surprised there are any businesses in this town at all. Still, it’s bigger than the one we went to yesterday, and they have a pharmacy.

The roads are clear. No zombies, no dead bodies, no people. No sign anything ever lived in this place to begin with. It reminds me of a movie set, the way it’s all perfectly laid out to look like a struggling town, but totally devoid of any life. Plus, it’s eerie as hell.

Angus pulls up right in front of the pharmacy and throws the car in park. “Looks like we’re gonna get lucky.”

Looks like he’s right. The pharmacy windows are intact, and even from here I can tell the store hasn’t been ransacked the way most of the other ones we’ve passed have been. Why this little corner of the world has been saved from looting is beyond me, but I’m glad. It’s about time something went our way.

“People must have just passed right by this place,” Jon says.

Angus nods and throws his door open. “Let’s get a move on. We don’t wanna be here too long, even if it does look empty.” He spits out onto the pavement before hopping down.

We all climb out and pause to check our weapons. It’s second nature now. Making sure my gun is loaded and I have ammo. Securing the knife to my belt. I’d feel badass if the situation wasn’t so shitty it made me want to cry.

“Everybody armed?” Parv calls out.

“We’re all good, Rambo.” Angus spits again, and even though the nickname he’s given Parv is slightly mocking, he grins. Sometimes when he looks at her he almost looks proud. Like she’s his kid and he taught her everything he knows. It’s hard to tell what he’s thinking though, and I have even less patience for figuring out Angus than I have for figuring out myself.

My hand rests on my knife as I turn and head for the store. “Then let’s go.”

I try the doorknob even though I’m certain it’s going to be locked, and surprisingly, it turns easily. A bell chimes when the door creaks open, and every single one of us turns to look over our shoulders. I almost laugh. It would be ironic if the sound of that bell drew the dead. Like ringing the dinner bell, so to speak. But nothing comes charging, so I head inside. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can head back to our group.

“Smells clear,” I say, sniffing the air. The store is stale and stuffy, but there’s no hint of decay.

I shove the door open the rest of the way so everyone else can come in too, then pull out my flashlight. The others are right behind me. One by one their lights come on as I pan mine around, trying to get a lay of the land. It looks like a typical small-town pharmacy. The front has a few displays with cough drops and cold remedies. Some first aid and personal hygiene stuff. Family planning. Behind the counter there are rows of pills, all neatly lined up like they’re waiting for the pharmacist to come back and fill a prescription that will cure the world of the zombie virus.

No such luck, pills.

Parv walks by me, holding the list Joshua gave her. “Let’s get moving.”

I turn to follow and bump right into Jon.

“Sorry,” I mumble, jumping back so fast you’d think his touch burns me.

He sighs, and I swear my hand jerks forward like it’s going to hit him. I make a fist at my side and swallow, trying to hold in my irritation. My emotions are starting to get the better of me and it’s got to stop soon. I don’t feel like I’m in control of myself anymore. Like what I said to Vivian before I left. That was bullshit, and I don’t even know where it came from. Axl’s a good leader and we’re lucky to have him.

I don’t acknowledge Jon or the awkwardness before turning to follow Parv to the back. Angus is busy loading every box of condoms into his pack, but I can’t even be annoyed. We sure as hell need them.

The front of the store is illuminated by the sun shining through the windows, but the further back I go, the darker it gets. The rows of pills are cloaked in shadows, making it tough to read the labels.

“Hold the flashlight for me,” Parv says over her shoulder. She’s squinting at the tiny print on a pill bottle.

I aim the beam toward the shelves and she gets busy reading the labels. Joshua gave us quite a list, but most of it isn’t even for Jake. It’s for later, when something like this happens again. So we’re prepared.

As if we can ever really be prepared.

“You doing okay?” Parv asks, not taking her eyes off the shelf.

“Oh yeah. I feel like every day is Christmas.”

She nods, keeping her eyes on the pills. “Okay.”

I almost smile. Parv is the person I can stand being around the most lately. She’s toughened up and really put effort into helping the group, but she’s so quiet most of the time that I tend to forget she’s around. I’m not sure if she was always this quiet or if it’s because she lost Trey, but it’s a nice change. There are people in our group—like Darla—who never shut the hell up, but it’s people like Axl and Vivian who make me really squirm. They don’t always talk. Don’t always ask how I’m doing. But they are always watching.

It makes me feel like I live under a microscope.

Jon comes up behind us, and the second he gets within six inches of me, my back stiffens. “Need any help?”

Parv shakes her head. “This isn’t really a three person job.”

Jon doesn’t leave. I shuffle from foot to foot. Wait for him to take the hint. He doesn’t. I swear, he’s lucky he’s good-looking, because he’s as dumb as a rock sometimes.

After a few seconds, I can’t stand still any longer. “I’m going to run across the street. Check out that convenience store real quick.”

Before Jon or Parv has a chance to tell me not to, I take off. Practically running to the front of the store. Angus and Darla are busy making out like they’re considering using one of those condoms right here. Just to be sure they work.

Angus pulls his tongue out of Darla’s mouth long enough to say, “Where you headed?”

“Across the street. See if there’s any food in that store.”

“Watch your ass, Hollywood.”

I pull out my gun and stop at the door, taking a peek through the window to make sure it’s still clear. “Always do. Before all this started, I actually had my ass insured. Since I’m pretty sure the company isn’t around anymore, it’s my job to keep it safe now.”

Angus chuckles as I shove the door open.

The bright sun makes me squint, but the air is cool and crisp. Clear. I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath, feeling like I can finally breathe. Then the door opens behind me, and that feeling evaporates. I don’t have to look to know it’s Jon.

“You shouldn’t go alone,” he says, coming up beside me.

I don’t even pause long enough to look over my shoulder. “It’s fine.”

Jon doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t go back into the pharmacy either. Dammit. I really wanted to be alone. To think and have time to pull myself together. I’m slowly starting to unravel, and the fact that I can’t get three seconds to myself isn’t helping.

I reach the convenience store and turn the knob, and just like the pharmacy, it’s unlocked. When I step inside, I pause for a second to look the place over. The shelves don’t look like they’ve been touched, and they’re fully stocked like they’re waiting for the former inhabitants of this town to come back. There’s a thin layer of dust on the merchandise. Just like the rest of this town, the store is clear of the dead and the living and any sign of normalcy.

“This is weird,” Jon says, stepping into the store behind me. “It’s like everyone in town was sucked up by a UFO. There should be bodies walking around or blood or something. But we haven’t seen a damn thing. It’s kind of freaking me out.”

He may annoy the hell out of me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with him. “I hear you. We should get some stuff together and get out of this town. Fast.”

The door clicks shut behind us just as I flip my flashlight on and pan it around. I’d feel like we hit the jackpot if I wasn’t waiting for it all to blow up in my face. Something about this whole situation has my stomach in knots.

I’ve only taken one step forward when a boom echoes through the air, shaking the entire building. There’s a flash of light, and the inside of the store is suddenly three times brighter. Jon shoves me to the ground, landing on top of me. My heart pounds so hard that for a few seconds I can’t figure out what’s happening.

Then it hits me. It was an explosion. But what blew up?

I shove Jon off me and roll over, lifting myself high enough to get a good look out the window. In the street, a fire is blazing, but before I can figure out where it’s coming from, Jon’s pulling me back. I try to shove him off again, but he won’t let me go.

“Get off!” I grunt, trying to break free of his grasp.

“Hadley, you need—”

Gunfire erupts in the street, and the words die on Jon’s lips. My heart skips a few beats and I try to move toward the door, but Jon pulls me to my feet. Toward the back of the store. I grope for my gun, and all I can think about is Parv and Angus and Darla, but Jon won’t stop pulling me away from our friends.

“We have to help them!” I cry, trying to head in the opposite direction. His fingers dig into my arm and he won’t let go.

“We need to hide!” Jon hisses.

It’s on my lips to tell him he’s being a coward, but then Vegas and all the shit I went through comes screaming back. Suddenly, all I can feel is that asshole on top of me, holding me down. It makes my whole body shake and my grip tighten on my gun. No. That will not happen again.

I yank my arm out of Jon’s grasp and run past him to the rear of the store. He stumbles behind me and swears, and I look back long enough to see that he tripped over a rug. But I keep moving. He didn’t fall. He caught himself and he’s still coming, and I need to get out of here. Away from whoever is firing in the streets and whatever plans they have for us. I will die if someone gets their hands on me again.

I reach the back door and almost jerk it open, but my brain is working just enough to tell me to stop. We need to check to be sure the coast is clear first. There’s only one tiny window, and it’s so high I have to stand on the tips of my toes to look out. My eyes scan the area while my heart pounds so hard I can’t even tell for sure if there’s still gunfire. I catch sight of a figure as it darts through the shadows lining the building then ducks behind a dumpster. A second one follows.

“Shit!” I pull back just as Jon stops beside me.

“What?”

“They’re out there. Coming this way. There’s no way out!”

My body is shaking. I can’t control it. I squeeze my gun tighter, my finger poised over the trigger. I’ll end it before I let them take me.

Jon grabs my arm and pulls me back the way we came. “There’s a cellar. Come on!”

I allow him to lead me away from the door even though his words haven’t really sunk in yet. The trembling that started when I thought about Vegas has only gotten worse, and the feeling of being trapped in here makes me want to scream.

Jon stops in front of the rug he tripped over, kicking it aside to reveal a cellar door. He yanks it open and flicks his flashlight on, illuminating a set of filthy wooden stairs. The room below us is pitch black, but I don’t hesitate. I charge down the stairs, and Jon is right behind me. He holds the flashlight in his mouth, then works on getting the rug back over the door as he lowers it. My heart is pounding as he eases it shut, and even when he’s joined me at the bottom of the stairs, it doesn’t let up. He clicks the flashlight off, plunging us into a darkness so thick it feels like it’s going to swallow us whole.

“Is the door covered?” I whisper.

“As best as I could tell from down here.”

I nod even though he can’t see me, and neither one of us moves. It takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the pure darkness of the cellar. When they do, I can just make out the stairs and a tiny window on the other side of the room. It’s covered by a small curtain or something, blocking out the bright sunshine from the street above.

We’re still standing in the same position when something thumps above us. I hold my breath and have to swallow down a scream when footsteps pound against the floor. They pass over us, then move further into the building. Whoever’s above us talks, but the voices are too muffled to make out the words. Then the people walk back the way they came.

Jon’s hand wraps around my arm and he pulls me toward him. He shoves his face against mine so his mouth is next to my ear. “Under the stairs!”

I move without hesitation, putting my hands out in front of me so I can feel my way through the darkness. When I reach the steps, I get down on my hands and knees and crawl. Cobwebs and dust tickle my face and neck. My nose tingles, and I have to sniff back a sneeze. Jon scoots in behind me until I’m wedged so far under the stairs I feel like I’m being crushed. Then we wait.

6

THE KIDS SPEND THE DAY on a sugar high. They splash in the water, drink Coke. We even find a couple packages of Oreos and some chips. It’s like they’re having a slumber party. All we need is a movie screen and some popcorn to make the day complete.

As they empty the cans, the adults string them together. We have about twenty feet already, but we need at least twice that much to cover the area surrounding the hot spring. There are more than enough cans, but with as wild as the kids are being, I’m not sure how much more we want to give them.

“Wait until they crash,” Sophia says, smiling. “Then it will all be worth it.”

Anne nods as she hands me a couple more empty cans. “They’re going to sleep well tonight.”

That’s a guarantee. With the way they’re running around, having fun for the first time in weeks, they should sleep like the dead.

Or how the dead used to sleep, anyway.

By late afternoon the cans are all set up, and Axl heads out to hunt. I can hardly sit still while he’s gone, I’m so nervous about him being out in the woods by himself. He usually has Angus or Parvarti to back him up. With the way things have been going for us, no one should be off by themselves. Trying to tell Axl that is pointless, though. If someone else tried to go off alone, he’d have a fit, but he doesn’t see it as a problem for himself. Like he’s all powerful and will somehow be able to keep himself safe.

By the time he gets back, the sun has disappeared behind the trees. Axl has two squirrels, which won’t go far, but it’s better than nothing. The others haven’t returned, and even though it makes me jumpy, I’m not worried about it yet. The town was a good distance away, and if they’re being careful, they won’t rush. They’ll be back before long.

The sky above us gets darker, turning from midnight blue to black. Angus and the others still haven’t returned, and the more time that goes by, the more anxious Axl gets.

“They oughta be back by now,” he says, pacing in front of the fire.

“We’ll go out in the morning if they’re not back.” Winston’s voice is calm, as always. “But you realize it will mean taking the whole group, right?”

“Ain’t just gonna write ‘em off!” Axl clenches his jaw, and the words have to hiss their way through his teeth. I’ve never heard him sound so much like his brother.

“I’m not saying that, and you know it. I’m only pointing out who we have left here. You can’t go by yourself, and if you and Viv go, it leaves the rest of us pretty vulnerable. Not to mention the fact that the two of you out there on your own is not great odds. Plus, you’ll have to take the truck. We don’t have another vehicle.”

Winston’s right. We can’t leave the group so exposed and without a way to escape.

“We’ll have to pack up and leave the hot spring,” I mumble.

Silence settles over the group. Even the kids seem to understand the gravity of the situation. Their big eyes stare back and forth between the adults, the flickering flames of the fire reflecting in them. Things today were almost good. Yesterday, too. Even with Hadley’s outburst and the stress of Darla trying to work out our issues, I’ve been more relaxed than I have since our first day at the shelter. The thought of leaving sucks.

Jessica lets out a big sigh and gets to her feet. “Okay, kids. I think it’s about time to head to bed for the night.”

Max groans, but Dylan gets up without even blinking. He looks half asleep as it is. Ava and Liz, too. Jake, on the other hand, just looks bad. Pale and sweaty. His legs shake when Anne gets him up. Moira follows their lead like she’s been programmed to do it.

Jessica pauses next to her dad, giving him a kiss on the forehead. “See you in the morning, old man,” she says with a small smile.

Winston returns the smile, his face lighting up in a way that doesn’t happen very often in this world. “Have a good night,” he says, patting his daughter’s hand.

His eyes stay on her until she’s disappeared into the tent. These days every time someone walks away, it feels like we’re saying a final goodbye.

“I think we’re going to turn in too,” Al says. He fakes a yawn as he gets to his feet, but he’s grinning.

“Yeah, yeah,” Axl mutters and waves the teens toward the tent. “You don’t gotta keep braggin’.”

Al grins, and Lila giggles as she pulls him toward the tent.

The others head off, leaving Winston, Joshua, Axl, and me alone. I settle in against Axl, laying my head on his shoulder. He’s still tense, and the mood around the fire is serious. The quiet giggles of the kids helps the atmosphere, but only slightly. Jessica shushes them, and finally their chatter dies down. After that the night is mostly silent. Occasionally, over the crackling of the fire, I catch a sound from the tent Lila and Al retreated to. But it’s faint. At least they’re trying to be quiet.

“You two going to take the first watch again?” Winston asks, his voice low.

“Yup. I wanna be up when they get back.”

Of course Axl doesn’t say if. He has a lot of trust in his brother. Sometimes his faith in Angus is misplaced, but in this instance, Axl may be right. Angus will get them back in one piece.

Joshua glances toward the tent, then leans forward. “I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I have to be honest. If we don’t get antibiotics soon, I don’t know if Jake is going to make it. I think he has pneumonia.”

“Shit,” Axl mutters.

Joshua sits back, and once again silence falls over us. This time, the sounds coming from Al and Lila’s tent are unmistakable. I’d be embarrassed for them if I didn’t think what Al said yesterday was right. We do need to celebrate the fact that we’re alive. There’s no guarantee we’ll still be here tomorrow.

After a couple minutes of silence, Winston gets to his feet. “I’m going to turn in. Get some rest so I can take watch in a few hours, since we’re short on people.” He gives Axl a sympathetic smile, then turns to head to the tent.

He’s only taken two steps when the sound of cans clanging together breaks through the silent night. Winston freezes and Axl bolts up. I grab for my knife, meeting Joshua’s gaze. His eyes are so wide they look like they’re about to pop out of his head. None of us moves while we listen, waiting to see what will happen next.

The night is terrifyingly silent.

“Coulda been an animal,” Axl whispers.

Winston nods, but doesn’t say a thing. Still, we don’t move.

Cans clatter together once again, and I swear my heart stops beating. The sound of Lila’s giggle is cut off, and Al curses. There’s movement in the tent, but the rest of us are still frozen in place.

The zipper comes down, and Al sticks his head out of the tent. “Guys?”

Axl takes a step toward Al just as more cans clatter in the distance. This time, more follow. Then more, echoing through the forest and making my heart beat so hard it threatens to explode. The clanging doesn’t stop. If anything, it gets worse. Louder and more violent.

Al scrambles from the tent, zipping his pants in the process. My eyes go back and forth between the forest in the distance and the tent the kids are sleeping in, then over to the small shelters. Branches rustle together, but I can’t tell if it’s from the wind or something else. To my right, Winston is already rushing toward the tent where his daughter sleeps. Someone needs to alert Anne and Moira, so I take off toward the shelter. I haven’t even made it halfway there when the first zombie breaks through the trees. He stumbles forward, growling and moving faster when he catches sight of us. His feet slip on the rocks and he tumbles down, landing only three feet from me. The thing lurches for me as I scramble for the door, slipping on the smooth, rocky ground.

“Shit!”

I slide forward, banging into the shelter door as the dead man pulls himself toward me. He doesn’t stand up, and I don’t know if it’s because he broke something on his way down the hill or if he’s just too busy thinking about sinking his teeth into me to register that he can walk. I don’t even care. All I want is to get everyone out of this safely.

My fist pounds against the wood three times before the door flies open and Anne steps out, her gun already clutched in her hand. She spins to face the zombie crawling our way, aiming her gun at the dead man. Before I can stop her, she pulls the trigger. The gunshot rips through the silence, and behind me the cries of the kids ring out.

Zombies pour from the trees. Moaning and growling as they move our way. The kids scream again, and I spin around to find more of the dead coming from the trees behind me. I’m armed with nothing but my knife. Why the hell didn’t I have my gun ready?

“Get Jake!” I scream at Anne as the dead move toward us.

Anne rushes back into the shelter just as Moira steps outside, turning to face the advancing dead with an expression so blank it sends a shiver shooting through my body. She doesn’t even try to run. Anne comes back out, shoving Liz and Jake forward. Jake’s coughing. Dragging his feet. Anne tries to pick him up, but he’s too big. She’ll never make it.

Liz sees her mom and rushes toward her, tears stream down the little girl’s face. “Mommy!”

Moira doesn’t even glance toward her daughter, and she doesn’t move. The zombies charge, but she just stands there. Staring at them like she doesn’t realize they’re dangerous. Or, just maybe, she wants them to get her. With the way she’s been acting, it wouldn’t surprise me.

The zombies close in on us but all I have is my knife. I scan the area, and my eyes land on Anne’s gun. Without thinking, I rip it out of her belt and shove her and Jake behind me.

“Run!” I scream, aiming the gun at the advancing dead.

Only there’s nowhere for us to go, and we all know it.

I squeeze the trigger, firing into the mass of dead coming our way. One falls, then another. Then a third. But more come and Moira still hasn’t moved.

“Moira!” I shout as I scoop Liz up with my free arm.

Moira doesn’t budge, so I step in front of her and shove her back. Trying to push the shell-shocked woman toward the rest of our group. Still, she doesn’t move. In the distance, people scramble around the campsite. The flickering flames of the fire dance across the scene, reminding me of a horror movie. At my back, the zombies snarl like rabid dogs, and Moira is frozen in place. There’s no one but me to help her. The dead have swarmed our little camp. Winston and Axl are busy firing. Even Al and Lila have guns. Anne has Jake, and I spot Sophia with Ava and Max. But Jessica and Dylan are nowhere to be seen and the dead are everywhere. Closing in on us.

We’re running out of time.

Still Moira stands frozen. No matter how hard I push, I can’t get her attention. Liz squirms in my grasp, screaming and crying as she tries to get to her mom. I’m having a hard time hanging on to the child, so I try the only thing I can think to do. I slap Moira across the face so hard my palm stings from the impact. Finally, she stumbles back a few inches. When she looks at me though, her expression is so blank I feel like I’m staring into the eyes of a mannequin. It’s useless. The closest zombies are less than a foot away from me now, and Moira is like a boulder. I can’t make her move. I’m not even sure she knows what’s happening.

“I’m sorry.” Tears fill my eyes when I turn away from her and run toward the rest of our group, clutching a screaming Liz in my arms.

Liz cries for her mom, kicking her feet. She fights and squirms in my arms so hard that she manages to wiggle from my grasp, falling to the ground right in front of me. My feet catch on her small body, and the gun flies from my hand as I’m thrown forward. My face slams into the stone floor, and light bursts across my vision as the world goes out of focus. I fight against it, but the screams and gunshots fade…

“Vivian!”

Someone pulls on my arm, yanking me to my feet, but I can barely open my eyes. I blink and try to force my legs to move. Everything around me spins.

“Liz.” I reach for the child, but I can’t find her and Axl won’t stop pulling on my arm.

“Let’s go!” he calls, forcing me to move faster.

Screams rise up around me, and my brain slowly begins to focus. I blink when warm water rushes over my legs. Axl pulls me forward, deeper into the hot spring, not stopping until the water is past my waist.

“What are you doing?” I ask, forcing my brain to focus on what’s happening. Nothing makes sense. Why are we in the water? Where are the zombies? Where’s Liz?

“Got nowhere to go,” Axl says, sounding out of breath. “This is our only shot.”

That’s right. We’re trapped.

I turn toward dry land, and my heart almost stops. The campfire flickers across the chaos, illuminating the zombies. Dozens of them. There’s no way we can take them all, and with the mountain at our backs like this, we’re trapped. But they aren’t trying to get us, not yet. Why?

I focus on the scene and spot a few places where they’ve gathered into groups. Their hands are coated in a dark, shiny liquid that can only be one thing. They fight each other, trying to get closer to whatever they’re feasting on. No, not whatever. Whoever. My stomach lurches, and I have to look away. Moira I know about, but who else did we lose?

I turn from the scene and face the group behind me. My friends are huddled together in a mass at the center of the hot spring. Jake has his arms wrapped around Anne, and Max clings to Winston. Joshua and Lila and Al are here too, along with Sophia and Ava. My stomach drops. That’s everyone. No Liz, no Dylan, no Jessica.

I grab Axl’s arm, pulling his attention away from the massacre in front of us. “Jessica? Dylan?” I can’t even bring myself to ask about Liz because I know what the answer will be and the idea of failing yet another little girl makes me want to throw up.

Axl shakes his head, and the storm in his eyes rages so hard that it makes me tremble. “They got Dylan right off. Soon as they came outta the trees. They grabbed Jess when she went back to try an’ save him.”

Sobs shake my body as I clutch at my aching heart, trying to hold myself together. Then my gaze lands on Winston, and the crack in my chest spreads. In the moonlight, I can just make out the tears shimmering on his cheeks.

The suffering of my companions is so intense it feels like something pressing down on me. The children cry and Lila presses her face into Al’s chest, sniffling quietly. Sophia and Anne are silent in their crying, but their pain is etched so clearly on their faces that it makes my insides pulse agonizingly. I can’t even think about the suffering Winston is going through right now because it’s an ache too familiar for me to face.

“What do we do now?” I ask, looking back at Axl.

He shakes his head again, and I throw myself into his arms. There’s maybe twelve feet of water separating us from the zombies feasting on the beach. They’re preoccupied now, but soon they’ll realize we’re here. Then we’ll be in real trouble. We need to plan now before they notice us.

I pull back and look the group over. “How many guns do we have?”

Axl holds up a gun, and so do Al and Winston. That’s it, though. I lost the gun I took from Anne when Liz tripped me up. But I do still have my knife.

“Knives?” I ask hopefully.

“I have one,” Lila says in a shaky voice.

Al nods beside her, and so does Anne. Joshua, Winston, Axl, and I all have one. That’s something at least.

“We just have to outlast them, then,” I say, turning away from the shore.

I wade farther into the hot spring, heading to the other side. The water gets deeper the further out I go, and soon it’s higher than my hips and then up to my ribs, but I keep moving. Pushing through the steaming pool of water. It comes all the way up to my breasts before it starts to get shallower again. By the time I reach the other side, it’s only up to my knees. The kids will be able to stand here, and there will be more distance between us and the zombies. There’s no way anything would be able to get at us from this side. The hot spring ends at a rock wall.

“Here,” I call, motioning for the others to come further out. “Here! It’s shallower, and with the way they move it will be harder for them to get to us. We’ll stand more of a chance.”

The others wade toward me, and I do my best to block out the sound of the kids’ sobbing while I think. Hearing it makes my insides uneasy, and I can’t lose focus right now.

“What’re you thinkin’?” Axl asks, stopping next to me.

“We just need to take one out at a time.”

I scan the tree line in the distance, just barely illuminated by the campfire still burning. The light flickers over the mass of bodies, sending a shiver down my spine. So many. But they haven’t moved toward us yet, and as far as I can tell there’s no more movement in the forest.

I point toward the shore with a shaky hand. “No more zombies have come out of the trees, so this must be the whole horde. When they head this way, it will be staggered. We need to focus on the closest one, then move onto the next. Just one at a time,” I say again. “That’s it.”

“It could work.” Winston nods slowly, staring out over the mass of dead.

I can’t even imagine what he’s going through right now. His cheeks are still damp with tears, but he doesn’t wipe them away. He scans the feeding zombies with a determined expression on his face. We all know his daughter’s body is lying there, but he doesn’t allow it to affect his focus.

“So we just have to outlast them?” Joshua asks.

I nod, but Al shakes his head. “Assuming they don’t swim.”

Shit. I hadn’t even considered they might be able to swim to us. I was counting on them having to wade through the water. On it slowing them down. But they can’t possibly swim. Can they?

“Do they swim?” I ask, looking the group over like one of them will have the answer.

My eyes meet Al’s, and the kid shrugs. If anyone had a theory, he’d be the one, but he looks as clueless as everyone else. This is something we haven’t had to face yet. Who knew we ever would?

“They could fly for all we know,” I mutter as I turn back to face dry land. “We just have to see what happens.”

No one argues with me, and why would they? I’m making this up as I go, and it’s not like anyone else has any ideas. We lapse into tense silence as we wait to find out our fate. No matter what, we won’t go down without a fight. Not now, not ever.

Jake’s coughs draw the attention of the first zombie only a few minutes later. The creature stands and sniffs, then stumbles forward a few steps. It’s obvious when he catches sight of us, because he staggers toward the water while he grasps at the air. Like he’s trying to rip into us from twenty feet away.

“Here we go,” Axl mutters, moving forward.

The water swirls around me as everyone moves to get ready. The zombie steps into the hot spring, and a part of me hopes the warm water will somehow deter him. It doesn’t, of course. He lurches forward without hesitation, and I hold my breath as he gets deeper. The water goes higher, and he slows. It’s up to his waist, but he doesn’t try to swim. He just keeps wading toward us.

“I guess that answers that question,” Winston says.

The dead man moves slowly, but by the time he’s made it halfway to us, another zombie has followed him into the water. Then more come, but just like I thought, they’re spread out. With as slow as they’re moving, we should be able to take them out pretty easily. Of course, I don’t want to get my hopes up too much. There are a lot of bodies on dry land still eating, and if they all decide to move toward us at once we could be in trouble. It’s possible. Nothing else has gone our way since this whole disaster started.

The first zombie is six feet from us when Axl moves forward to meet him. I follow so I can back him up, but I doubt he’ll need it. This should be an easy kill. He slams the blade of his knife into the side of the dead man’s skull, and the body drops to the water. Bobbing on the surface like a buoy.

Axl shoves the body away, and it floats off to the side. Then he turns to face me. “It’s gonna work.”

He looks back at everyone else, and my heart thumps against my ribcage. It isn’t often that I see such uncertainty on Axl’s face. I can’t blame him, though. His brother is missing and we’ve suffered even more losses. Now we’re cornered. Stuck in an impossible situation unless we work together. Which, let’s face it, hasn’t been our strength the past few days. But we can do it. I know we can. We’re a family now, and families go through rough patches. That doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.

“We’re going to get through this.” Al wraps his good arm around Lila, and she turns her face into his chest like she’s trying to hide herself from the horrible reality in front of us.

The moans grow in intensity, and I turn back to face land. More are up, leaving the mangled pile of our former friends behind in favor of fresh meat. Us. There are six headed our way now. Chomping at the air with their rotten mouths. Sweat drips down the side of my face, and I wipe it away. Standing in the middle of the hot spring like this, I feel like we’re being cooked in a soup. Some kind of zombie delicacy.

More sweat beads on my forehead as I wade through the water to Axl’s side, ready to meet the next zombie that’s headed toward us. This one is old. So rotten it’s hard to tell if it was man or woman. Only the tattered remains of the shirt give her away. There are little blue flowers on it.

Axl takes her out with ease, slamming his knife into her skull, but less than thirty seconds later another is on top of us. I try to move forward, but Axl blocks me. He stabs the next zombie and it falls, but his blade gets stuck. Axl swears and struggles to free it as another dead man lurches toward him.

I cut through the water to face the zombie. He’s taller than I am. By a lot. His fingers curl when he reaches out to grab me, but I’m careful to stay just out of reach. Then I flip my knife over so it’s pointing up, and when I have a good shot, I strike. Driving the blade up and back as hard as I can, right through the bottom of the zombie’s chin and into his useless brain.

He splashes into the water just as Al lets out a yelp, and I turn just as he pulls his own knife out of the body floating in front of him. Lila is at his back, ready to fight if needed but staying out of the way for the moment.

At my side, Axl frees his knife just in time to drive it into the head of yet another monster. Winston does the same on his other side, and Joshua too. But the creatures keep coming. More and more of them, wading through water toward us in a mass of rot so thick it seems almost never ending.

“There are too many,” I call, backing away.

Axl doesn’t move from his position, and it makes my heart pound even harder. The children cry behind me and Lila screams when one of the bodies lurches forward, trying to get Al. The dead man’s fingers barely miss the teen. If it wasn’t for the water slowing them down, Al would be in trouble.

“Bastard,” Al spits out as he jabs his knife into the zombie’s left eye.

Axl takes out the next closest, but another one is right behind it. Practically on top of Axl.

“Axl, get back!” I yell, continuing my retreat.

He doesn’t even look my way, and his lips are pursed like he’s thinking something through. Hopefully, he comes up with some kind of magical plan that will get us out of this situation.

“Shit!” Al turns and heads toward the group, pulling himself through the water as fast as he can. Pushing Lila forward as he goes. “Lost my knife!”

We’re low on weapons and the bodies are still coming. All of them are in the water now, headed our way. I scan the group and count twenty-six still standing. It makes my stomach tense with dread. We aren’t going to make it. It’s impossible.

“Guns!” Axl yells, finally coming back to join the rest of us. “No point in tryin’ to be quiet now.”

He reaches my side as the horde of zombies closes in. All around us, dead bodies bob. The hot water seems to be cooking their rotten flesh, making the air thick with the stench of decay. Every breath I take feels more toxic than the last. My lungs burn, and it feels like I have a layer of rot forming on the inside of my mouth, coating my tongue. So thick and vile I can taste it.

Axl, Al, and Winston are the only ones with guns, and the few bullets they have won’t last long. I grip my knife as my heart jumps to my throat. Why the hell did I drop that gun? I feel so useless right now, and thanks to my stupidity we’re in real danger.

“Every shot counts,” Winston says.

He puts himself in front of the kids, and Al takes a place at his side. Axl pushes me back and lines up with the other two men. They stand in a straight line. Putting themselves between us and the zombies. Raising their guns. Aiming at the advancing dead.

Shots ring through the air as the three men fire into the horde. The zombies scream and a few fall, but the ones left just keep wading toward us. I hold my breath as gunshots echo in my ears, making them ring.

Al’s gun is the first to click. “I’m out!”

He falls back, taking his place next to Lila, who’s crying. I can’t blame her. My own eyes are moist. The screams of the children mix with the boom of the gunfire as I count yet again. There are still seventeen zombies. There’s no way we have enough ammo for that many.

As soon as the thought enters my mind, Axl’s gun clicks. He swears and rips his knife back out. Winston fires off two more shots, then his gun is empty as well, leaving us with nothing left but our knives.

I ignore the tension in my body and pull myself through the water to Axl’s side. “Will we make it?”

Axl shakes his head but doesn’t take his eyes off the horde in front of us. “Can’t say.”

Which means no. At least not all of us.

A zombie lurches forward and grabs Winston’s arm. They struggle for a second, but somehow he manages to jam his knife into the bastard’s skull before the thing can take a bite out of him. Winston pulls the body in front of him, then grabs for the next closest one. He piles it on top of the first before going for another. Like he’s making a barricade out of the floating bodies. He’s a genius!

“Axl,” I call as I grab the motionless body bobbing closest to me.

I push it toward him, then go for the next. I don’t know if it will work, but it’s worth a shot. Anything that might buy us some time. All we need is time.

We work together, piling the bodies on top of each other in front of us. The zombies coming our way bump into the wall and scream. They reach out for us, but they can’t quite dig their fingers into us from this distance. Hope sparks inside me, but it’s just a flicker. We aren’t out of danger yet, but the barricade seems to be working. Bad thing is, it also makes it tough for me to reach the dead. My arms aren’t as long as Axl’s and Winston’s, so I can’t quite reach their heads. The best I can do is hack away at their hands. Maybe take out a finger or two.

Joshua and Anne join us with their knives, and we do our best to take the zombies out without getting too close. Some fall, but some just get cut, which releases more of the stinking black goo. Most we can’t get to though, and they’re pushing us back. Closer to the wall. Something bumps into my back, and I let out a yelp of surprise even though I know it’s just one of the kids. I look over my shoulder and find only a foot of space between me and the rock wall at our backs.

Lila screams, and Al swears, making me spin their way. A zombie is gripping the kid’s arm, pulling Al forward, his mouth chomping frantically as he tries to take a bite. Winston lurches toward the dead man, and his knife slams into the zombie’s skull.

Just then a gunshot cuts through the moans of the dead, and the creature furthest from me drops to the water with a splash. I freeze with my knife halfway to a zombie, my heart pounding harder than ever before. Where did that gunshot come from? I scan the group, but no one has magically produced a gun, and they all look as confused as I feel.

A second gunshot draws my attention toward dry land, and a shout of joy rips its way out of me when Angus comes charging down the stairs in the distance. Darla comes next with Parvarti right behind her. She stops at the bottom of the steps, raising her bow, and a split second later an arrow flies through the air, taking out a zombie to my left.

Some of the dead turn and head toward the people on land, but most stay focused on us. We’re still in danger, but we’re better off now that Angus and the others have arrived.

Angus and Darla fire their guns into the horde while Parvarti takes them out with her bow. Those of us stuck in the water continue to hack away at the dead. Every time one falls my heart jumps a little higher until it’s lodged in my throat again.

We’re going to make it! We’re going to be okay!

“Push!” Axl yells, moving forward. Taking the bodies bobbing on the surface of the water with him.

I follow his lead, putting all my strength into pushing the dead in front of us. The wall of bodies we created presses against the advancing zombies, forcing them into deeper water. The zombies still on their feet stumble back. One loses his footing and goes down. He splashes in front of us, trying to get up, but the bodies bobbing in front of him and the dead pushing at his back make it impossible. Winston leans forward and slams his knife into the rotting skull, and the bastard finally stops splashing.

Angus wades out so he has better aim. He fires, and the head of the zombie in front of me explodes. A second shot makes the one behind him drop. Only three left!

Axl reaches across the rotting wall in front of us and grabs hold of the nearest zombie. The thing screams and claws at Axl’s arm, and even though he doesn’t have any exposed skin, my heart almost stops. Axl slams his knife into the zombie’s temple, and the rotting body drops to the water.

Seconds later the last two zombies fall, and the night goes deathly silent. My chest is tight, and my heart pounds so hard I can hardly catch my breath. Tears fill my eyes as I’m able to take in the full weight of the situation. We almost didn’t make it this time.

One of these days, our luck is going to run out.

7

THE SOBS OF THE CHILDREN bring me back to reality. The once welcoming hot spring is now littered with the dead. Their black blood has mixed with the water, making it dark and murky. We need to get out of this infected water, and fast. Who knows how dangerous it is for us to be in here?

I push my way through the bodies floating around us, heading back toward the kids.

“We need to get them out,” I say when my eyes meet Anne’s.

She nods as she hoists Jake up. He coughs, and even in the darkness of the night I can tell how ill he really is. He’s so weak he can barely hold on to Anne, making it tough for the small woman to carry him.

“Keep your head up,” she tells Jake, “out of the water.”

The kid nods, and Anne moves forward, pushing her way through the mass of rotten bodies. Only she’s so short I’m not sure she’s going to be able to keep her own head up, let alone Jake’s.

Before she’s gone two steps, Joshua is at her side, holding his hands out. “Let me have him.”

Anne smiles gratefully as she passes the sick child to Joshua, and I breathe a little easier. The doctor is six seven, so I know Jake and Anne will be safe in his hands.

When I turn back for the others, I catch sight of Sophia struggling with Ava. Without asking, I take the little girl from her mother’s arms. Winston grabs Max, and as a group we push our way through the dead, heading toward dry land where Angus, Parvarti, and Darla wait. Axl meets me halfway and holds his arms out for Ava. When his eyes meet mine, they’re full of emotions too conflicted for me to read.

“What is it?” I ask as I hand the sobbing girl over to him.

He jerks his head toward land. “Don’t see Hadley and Jon.”

All the air leaves my lungs. He’s right. It hadn’t occurred to me before now, but it should have. If they’d come back with the others, they would have helped kill off the dead. Something must have happened to them.

I can’t talk as I move through the water, focusing on Angus. All I can think about is how angry Hadley was when she left, how the last words we spoke to each other were bitter.

Please don’t let that be the last conversation we ever have.

I move faster, pushing through the hot spring. I want to know what happened. Need to know if Hadley and Jon are gone. When the water is down to my shins, I start running, taking big steps so I can move faster.

I stop in front of Angus, huffing. “What happened?” we say at the exact same time.

It’s one of those moments in childhood when I would have burst into laughter and yelled jinx, but there’s nothing funny about what we just went through. Especially not with Hadley and Jon missing.

“Are they dead?” I demand, ignoring his question completely. I know he wants me to tell him what happened here, but I have to know about Hadley and Jon first.

Angus spits, then shakes his head. Darla and Parvarti come over to join him. None of them look happy.

“Don’t know,” he finally says. “We got split up.”

“So the town was overrun?” Winston asks, stopping beside me with Max still in his arms.

“Not by zombies,” Parvarti says.

My stomach tightens, and all I can think about are Jon and Hadley and where they might be. What they might be going through. Hopefully, they didn’t get captured by another group of crazy rapists. Hadley wouldn’t survive that.

“Blew up the Nissan,” Angus says, glancing toward his brother.

“Damn,” Axl mutters. “You see who it was?”

“Didn’t see nothing.” Darla speaks for the first time, and her voice is shaky.

“We were in the pharmacy,” Parvarti says. “Jon and Hadley went across the street to check out this little convenience store. They wanted to see what kind of supplies were left. There weren’t any zombies in town and the pharmacy had barely been touched, so it seemed likely that the store would still have bottled water and—”

“So you got the meds?” Joshua says, cutting her off.

Parvarti gives him a curt nod, then pulls off her backpack.

Joshua exhales, but I’m too freaked out by our missing friends and what just happened with the horde to be relieved. This is good news for Jake, but we’ve lost so much already today. How much more can we realistically take and still be able to move forward?

“They was gone for less than a minute when there was an explosion. Shook the whole damn building.” Angus purses his lips. He looks like he’s going to spit, so I take a step back, but he doesn’t. “We ran out and found the Nissan in flames. Somebody started firin’ at us, so we took cover. Went back into the pharmacy, then out the back door. Snuck through town ‘til we found the store, but they wasn’t there.”

“So you just left them?” I can’t believe they would just drive off like that.

“Hell no,” Angus says. “We waited. Hid in the store and waited to see if they’d come back. They didn’t.”

Parvarti tucks a few loose strands of hair under her bandana. “We waited until it got dark, then we had to make a decision. The longer we stayed the more likely it would be that these men—whoever they were—would find us. We had to go. Jon and Hadley know how to get back here, so we figured it was our best option. If they were taken, we have no idea by who or where they went. If not, they’ll head back to camp.”

“You walk?” Axl asks, shaking his head like he can’t believe any of it.

“Walked some, then found us a car,” Angus says. “Little piece a shit that nobody in their right mind would take. Probably only reason it was still sittin’ ‘round with gas in it. It’s almost out now.”

“I still can’t believe you just left them,” I mutter.

“Good thing we did. Look at this!” Angus waves his arm across the camp. “We hadn’t got here when we did, you’d all be screwed. We saved your asses.”

Dammit. I hate it when Angus is right, but he is. Who knows what would have happened to us if they hadn’t shown up when they did. Plus, Parvarti was with them. There’s no way she made the decision to leave them behind on a whim. It must have been the only way or they’d still be sitting there.

“You’re right,” I say.

Angus sniffs but doesn’t acknowledge my admission. Not that I expected him to.

He looks around, and his mouth turns down. “We lose people here?”

Axl nods slowly, and his eyes focus on something behind me. I turn to find Winston sitting on the ground. There’s a blanket over what I can only assume is his daughter’s body. Damn.

“Dylan,” Axl says. “Moira and her little girl.”

“Poor kid. That woman was bat shit crazy, though. Bound to happen eventually.” Angus’s eyes are focused on Winston, and for maybe the first time ever, there isn’t a look of disgust on his face. No hint of the racist redneck we all know him to be. He looks almost sympathetic when he tilts his head toward Winston. “That his girl?”

“Yup.”

“Shit.” Angus takes a deep breath and looks around. He points to the water. “First thing we gotta do is get y’all cleaned off. Don’t think it’s a good idea to keep walkin’ ‘round with that zombie blood all over you. Plus, you smell like shit.” His eyes sweep over his brother, and he purses his lips. “You got any open wounds?”

Axl pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it on the ground. “Nope.”

Anne and Sophia strip the kids and rush them toward the raised hot spring to get them cleaned up. For probably the hundredth time since we found this place, I’m thankful for the secluded little pool of water, and this time it has nothing to do with sex. Without it, we’d all be feeling pretty contaminated about now.

“I’ll look through the antibiotics so Jake can take some when you’re done,” Joshua calls after them. He dumps the paper bag Parvarti gave him on the ground, and four white pill bottles fall out.

“What do we do now?” Angus asks.

He spits, but it doesn’t even phase me. There are bodies everywhere. Covering the ground and floating in the water. The stench is so overwhelming that every time I inhale, my stomach twists. Then there are the mangled remains of our friends. A little spit is the least of our concerns right now.

Axl exhales slowly and shakes his head. His eyes are still on Winston, who’s sitting next to Jessica’s remains. “We gotta bury our dead.”

“We gonna waste time on that?” Angus says, pursing his lips.

“Yeah.” Axl walks away, heading toward Winston.

Angus swears, but he goes after his brother. Darla is standing next to the stairs looking dazed while Parvarti walks through the carnage, staring at the ground. She acts like she’s looking for something. Al and Lila are huddled together on the bench, staring into our dwindling fire. It’s going to die soon if we don’t throw more wood on it.

I’m not sure what to do with myself.

Parvarti stops and kicks something aside, then leans down. When she stands up she’s holding a gun. She’s looking for anything salvageable. Smart. We need to get moving. It’s the middle of the night and we’re all tired, but we can’t stay here. Not with all the bodies.

I head toward the fire.

“You two should get changed,” I say when I’m close enough that Al and Lila can hear me.

I scoop a few sticks up off the ground and gently toss them onto the fire. Sparks jump into the air and swirl around for a few seconds before fading away. The fire crackles. It sounds deafening in the silence.

Al gets up, pulling Lila with him. “Yeah.”

“You okay?” I ask.

They both look toward me, and the stupidity of the question hits me. Of course they’re not okay. How dumb.

“Yeah,” Al says again.

He pulls Lila toward the hot spring, and I exhale slowly. Everyone is going to need a change of clothes.

I head toward the tents so I can find something for everyone to wear. When I get closer, I can hear Angus, Axl, and Winston talking.

“We don’t got no shovels,” Angus says.

“We have rocks.” Winston gets to his feet, but he doesn’t take his eyes off his daughter. “We’ll pull rocks from those piles and cover the bodies.”

“That’s what we do,” Axl says, nodding.

Angus sniffs. “What about the zombies? We just leave ‘em?”

“Don’t wanna waste energy on that.”

“I just want to give her a proper burial,” Winston says, the pain in his voice so sharp it feels like a knife stabbing me.

My heart can’t take much more of this world.

I duck into the tent and dig through the blankets and pillows until I find some clothes. We don’t have a lot clean at this point, but somehow I manage to find things that will work for the kids and Sophia and Anne. Then I head to the other tent so I can get Lila and Al something.

Al’s stuff is easy to find. He has about five boxes of condoms sitting on top of his bag. Unfortunately, the rest of the clothes are all pretty spread out. So many people have been using this tent that it’s hard to know what belongs to who. I pick up a purple shirt I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Lila wear, then sift around until I find some jeans. When I pick them up a box falls to the ground, and the second I see what it is, my legs give out and I collapse on the floor of the tent.

Holy shit.

“Vivian!” Axl’s footsteps pound across the ground, right outside the tent.

My heart jumps to my throat. I scoop up the box and stuff it in the middle of the clothes I’m holding. My body is shaking so badly I don’t dare stand up, though. I’ll fall on my ass for sure.

The tent door moves aside, and Axl sticks his head in. “What’re you doin’?”

“Um…just getting some clothes. For the kids. And Sophia and Anne and Lila. And Al!” Holy shit! What’s wrong with me? You’d think I was the one who’d hidden a pregnancy test in the tent, not Lila. “They’re going to need something to wear when they’re done getting cleaned up. What’s the plan?”

Axl’s eyebrows shoot up and he purses his lips. He looks around the tent, then back to my face. But he doesn’t ask what’s wrong. Thank God. I don’t even know what I’m going to do about it yet. Now isn’t the time to talk to him or anyone else about the possibility of a teen pregnancy. During a zombie apocalypse. Shit. I suddenly feel like I’m on a very twisted episode of Sixteen and Pregnant.

“We’re gonna bury Jessica, Moira, Liz, and Dylan, then get our shit together.”

I pull myself up and almost let out a sigh of relief when my legs don’t give out. “Good. I’ll help. Let me get these clothes to everyone first.”

I push past him and head toward the hot spring, holding the clothes close to my body. I can feel Axl’s eyes on me every step of the way. There’s no way in hell he doesn’t suspect something is up.

Anne, Sophia, and the kids are already clean when I reach the top. Al and Lila are in the water washing themselves off while the two women dry the kids. I hand Sophia the clothes, but keep the stuff I have for Al and Lila pressed close to my body. The test included.

“Thanks,” Sophia says.

Anne works fast to get Jake dressed, but it doesn’t help. He’s shivering, and by the time she’d done, his teeth are chattering together.

“We need to get you some medicine,” she says.

The two women usher the kids down the stairs, but I stay where I am. I want to have a moment alone with the two teens, although I have no idea why. Maybe to let them know we’ll be here for them? Things are bad enough without them thinking they have to face this thing alone.

Once the women and kids are gone, I turn toward the hot spring. “I brought you two clothes.”

“Thanks,” Al says, giving me a grateful smile. Even some of his humor has melted away.

“I think we’re about done here.” Lila pulls herself out, and the water runs over her body. She’s wearing nothing but her bra and underwear, and she has the figure of a swimsuit model. I can’t help staring at her flat stomach. Imaging what it will look like in a few months.

How the hell are we going to be able to sustain two pregnant women in the middle of all this?

“Vivian, are you okay?” Lila asks.

She’s wrapped in a towel, and Al stands behind her. I didn’t even notice him get out. He looks too young to have to face this. They both do. I’ve been in their shoes, so I know how scary and horrible it is. And that was when the world was still whole.

“We need to talk,” I say. “Get dressed.”

I hold the clothes out to them, but keep the box. Neither one seems to notice it.

While they dress, I look over my shoulder to make sure no one’s coming. Only Axl, Joshua, Winston, and I still need to clean off. The men are too busy with other things right now, so we should have at least a few minutes to ourselves.

“Can you just tell me what’s going on?” Al says. “Because I’m not going to lie, you’re really freaking me out.”

“Is there anything going on with you that you want to tell me?” I ask, staring at Lila, who squirms as she twists her hair back into a ponytail.

“No?”

I don’t really feel like playing guessing games, so I pull out the box and hold it in front of them. “I found this in your tent.”

Al’s mouth drops open, and he looks at Lila like she’s betrayed him. “Shit. Are you serious, Lila? Did you take it yet? Was it positive?”

Lila stands there shaking her head for a few seconds before she says, “That’s not mine.”

I blink, feeling suddenly like God is trying to punish us. If it isn’t hers…

“What?” I say, hoping I hadn’t heard her right.

Lila shakes her head again and turns to Al. “It’s not mine. I swear. I just had my period, remember?”

Al’s shoulders slump and he exhales. “Shit. Yeah. You did. Oh man. Oh shit. You really scared me. I thought—” He laughs and runs his hand down his face. “Shit.”

“It’s not yours…” I stare at the box for a few seconds, hating the possibilities presented to me right now. “Who else used that tent?”

“Pretty much everyone but Sophia, Anne, and the kids,” Al says.

“Parvarti, Hadley, or Darla,” I mutter, still shaking my head.

“And Moira,” Lila says. Then her face falls. “But I guess it wouldn’t matter if it had been hers, would it?”

Damn. I’d rather Lila be pregnant than any of the three suspects I have now.

I shove the box under my shirt and narrow my eyes on the teens in front of me. “Don’t tell anyone. Understand? This is between us for now.”

“Who do you think it is?” Lila asks.

“I don’t have a freaking clue.”

Winston is sweating by the time the final stone is placed.

When he steps back and stares down at the mound of rocks in front of him, I slip my hand into Axl’s and take a deep breath. She’s the last one. We laid Liz and Moira together, then took care of little Dylan. When that was done, Winston started covering his daughter. He wouldn’t let anyone help.

“I’m sorry I let you down,” Winston says, “I should have been there.”

He closes his eyes, and no one else speaks. After a minute or so, he turns and walks away.

Axl sighs. “We should get a move on.”

“What’s the plan?” I ask. “What are we going to do about Hadley and Jon?”

“We can’t go back there,” Parvarti says. “We don’t have anything but the truck now. If we roll in there with the Sam’s Club truck, they’ll slaughter us.”

I squeeze my free hand into a fist. “Dammit, she’s right.”

“If we leave here, they won’t be able to find us,” Darla says.

Angus spits into the fire, and it sizzles across the silence. “Gonna hafta. Can’t stay with all these bodies, and we can’t just hang out on the road. Sittin’ in the truck.”

“We leave them a message,” I say. “They’ll head back this way, so we need to let them know where we’re headed.”

“Where is that exactly?” Al asks, hugging Lila to him. Her face is streaked with tears. “Because as far as I can tell, we don’t have a plan.”

“We’re low on gas,” Axl says. “So we’re gonna hafta hit the closest town. Try and find us some fuel.”

“The first place we went was pretty dead,” Parvarti replies, “and it’s only about thirty miles away.”

“Then that’s what we gotta do. We pack up, load up, and head out.” Axl turns and looks toward Winston, who is just standing there. Staring out over the polluted hot spring like he wishes it would suck him under. “Fifteen minutes.”

He gives me a kiss on the side of my head, then slips his hand out of mine. Heading toward Winston.

Everyone gets busy packing up, and when Parvarti starts up to the truck with an armload of supplies, I head after her. I have three suspects on my list, and even though it’s going to suck big time to bring pregnancy up to her, Parvarti is the only one I can deal with right now. Hadley’s missing, and I don’t even want to think about the possibility of Darla being pregnant.

I scoop some stuff up and jog to catch up with Parvarti. She doesn’t even look back at me, and we’re more than halfway up the trail before I work up the nerve to talk.

“How you been doing, Parvarti?”

“Fine.”

She may be short, but she walks fast. I have to trot to keep up with her.

“You seem like you’ve been adjusting pretty well the last few weeks.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t think life is shit,” she says. “Just means I’m not ready to give up yet.”

“That’s good.”

We reach the truck and slide the boxes in. Sophia and Anne have the kids already set up inside. It’s going to really suck to have everyone crowded into the back like this. We’re going to have to find a car to replace the Nissan. And fast.

Parvarti heads back toward the trail, but before she can get far I grab her arm. “Wait. I need to talk to you.”

When she turns around to face me, her brown eyes are wide. Full of worry and hurt and pain. She may have toughened up, but that doesn’t mean she’s heartless. We lost Jessica today, and I know they were close. Jessica lost her fiancé back when the virus hit, and when Trey died, she helped Parvarti get through it. Now there’s this situation with Jon and Hadley…. Parvarti’s right, life is shit.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I hate to do this, but I can’t let it go.” I pull the box out of my pocket and hold it out to her. “I found this in the tent, and I just wanted to know if it was yours.”

Parvarti barely glances toward the box before she shakes her head. “No. If I were pregnant, you’d know about it. I’ve lost enough people, and there’s no way I’d risk Trey’s baby.” Her shoulders slump, and she looks away. “I miss him. He was there for me when everything was falling apart, and it made me feel like things might not be bad forever. That there could be a future. When he died, I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and I was falling. I’m still not sure when I’m going to hit bottom.”

The more she talks, the more my stomach knots. Trey died trying to save Hadley and me, but I’ve never really spoken to Parvarti about the whole thing. So much happened so fast. Angus beating Mitchell, him and that asshole Brad running off. The shelter falling. Taking out the casino and losing Nathan. Then we were on the road. It never seemed like the right time.

“I’m sorry Trey put his life on the line to get me out. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“None of it should have,” Parvarti says, then turns and heads down the trail.

I take off after her. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“Don’t be,” she says. “I get it. I’m not sure whose test that is, and I’m not sure I want to know. Losing people is tough enough without knowing shit like that.” She shakes her head, and walks faster. “Don’t tell me. Whoever it is, don’t tell me about it.”

I kind of hate that she assumes we’re going to lose more people.

The ball clangs against the inside of the can when Axl shakes it. Somewhere nearby, a bird screeches and takes off. Leaves rustle as another animal mistakes the sound for trouble and scurries away. I can’t really blame them. The sound is so loud it has my heart beating harder than a stampede.

“I’m just gonna write it in the middle of the road,” Axl says, heading into the street.

“Keep it vague,” Winston calls after him. “We don’t want anyone picking up our trail.”

Everyone else is already in the back of the truck and ready to go, so Winston pulls the door down while Axl writes the message on the road. The hiss from the can sounds louder than a car alarm when it cuts through the silence.

“I hate how every little noise makes me jump,” I say.

Winston nods and leans against the truck. He doesn’t talk, and he doesn’t look at me or Axl or anything, really. He looks ancient, standing here in the middle of nowhere with his tattered clothes and scraggly, unkempt beard. His face is thinner than it was a few weeks ago, and he has circles under his eyes. His dark skin has taken on a gray quality that makes him look unhealthy. Like he’s slowly starving to death.

“I’m so sorry, Winston.” I can’t stop myself from saying it. Even though I know he doesn’t need to hear it and it might even hurt him more to talk about it right now, the words are out before I can think better of it.

“We’ve all lost,” he says. “You’d think after everything that’s happened it would get easier. I thought I’d accepted that I might one day lose her. Thought I’d dealt with it. Maybe you can’t ever really prepare yourself for something like that, though. With my wife and son, it was so sudden that it almost knocked the life out of me. If Jess hadn’t survived the virus, I’m not sure I would have ever left that apartment in San Francisco. But she did and it gave me something to live for. Then the dead came back and I knew all this was only temporary. How long can we really expect to survive when every sound we make could bring death to our door?” He pauses and finally looks up. His dark eyes meet mine, and for the first time, I can see exactly how little hope he has left. How long has he been hiding it from the rest of us? “I didn’t give up, don’t get me wrong. I made up my mind to fight for as long as I could and do everything in my power to keep Jess alive. To help the group and forge a future for us out of this mess. But inside, I knew we were living on borrowed time. I knew this day would come. Somehow, I thought knowing it would make this less painful when it happened. I was wrong.”

I didn’t know he felt that way. Winston has been so strong this entire time. Never negative. Always ready to move to the next place. Always ready to reassure everyone that we’ll find more water, more food, more gas. That eventually we’ll get to a place that will be able to sustain us all. Keep us going.

If he doesn’t have any hope left, then we’re really screwed.

We stare at each other for a few seconds before Axl comes back to stand at my side. He shakes the can once, and this time when the ball bangs around, it doesn’t make my heart beat faster.

“We ready?” Axl asks, looking back and forth between Winston and me.

Winston nods and pushes himself off the truck, then heads toward the driver’s side. When he’s out of sight, my entire body slumps and I have to lean against Axl for support. Suddenly, the future seems bleaker than ever before.

“You okay?” he whispers, his lips brushing against the top of my head.

I have to force my legs to move. “Yes. Let’s get out of here.”

We walk toward the passenger side of the truck, and as I pass by I glance toward the note Axl left for Hadley.

H & J – Got overrun. Need fuel. Head back to the 1st town.

It’s short and sweet and should get the point across if they show up. The problem is, I’m not sure they will. Not now. Not after everything we’ve been through and everyone we’ve lost.

I’m worried we’re never going to see Jon and Hadley again.

8
WE’VE BEEN SQUEEZED INTO THIS SAME damn spot for what feels like hours. I swear, if Jon says we’re screwed one more time I’m going to cut his balls off and shove them down his throat. It’s not like he’s using them anyway.

“It’s been quiet for a while,” I say, moving to get the blood flowing to my arm.

“I was thinking the same thing.”

He shifts positions, and his arm shoves my head back. It also sends up a puff of dust and dirt that tickles the back of my throat when I inhale. I cover my mouth when I cough, hoping it will stifle the sound. It seems insanely loud in the tight space.

“Let’s get out of here.” I twist my body until I’m able to wiggle out from under the stairs. My knee makes contact with Jon’s spine and he grunts. I just shove him harder. “Move it.”

He slides forward, and it gives me a chance to get free. I swear, my back creaks like old floor boards when I stand up. My arms and legs are stiff, and I suddenly know how the damn Tin Man felt in The Wizard of Oz. Only an oil can isn’t going to help me.

“How long have we been here?” I whisper as I tiptoe my way across the room.

“Hours.”

Shit. I stand on my toes and shove the curtain aside so I can look out through the tiny cellar window. It was still light when we climbed under those stairs, but now the street is dark and the moon provides just enough light to show me it’s empty. But that means shit. It was empty when we got here with Angus, Parv, and Darla. We drove right down the main street and didn’t see a single moving thing. Dead or alive.

“What do you think?” Jon asks.

I pull my backpack up higher on my shoulders as I turn to face him. It’s so dark I can only see his outline. “We have to go out the back. It’s a risk, but the front is too open. It’s right on the main road.”

“Then what?”

“We need to get to the pharmacy. Try to find the others.” I head for the stairs, and Jon’s footsteps pound against the ground at my back.

I can’t wait to get out of this cellar. Not only is it musty and full of cobwebs, but being this close to Jon is starting to make me feel like I’m going to suffocate. Especially being alone like this. There are times when I need his closeness so much my skin literally itches for his touch. When the memories come back so strong I’ll do anything to erase them. Then there are times like this when just hearing his voice makes my insides feel like they’re made of stone.

The stairs groan under our weight as we make our way up. I hold my breath when we get to the top, waiting to make sure there isn’t any noise. Whoever these people are, they hung out in the store for a while. Their footsteps above our heads made my body so tense I found it difficult to breathe. That’s why Jon and I wedged ourselves under the stairs. We didn’t know if they were from around here and if they knew about the cellar.

The only thing I knew for sure was there was no way in hell I would let them take me alive.

When I don’t hear a sound, I slowly ease the door open and stick my head out. The store is dark, but the moonlight shining in through the front window helps me get a good look around. Empty. At least as far as I can tell.

“Looks good,” I whisper. “But be ready.”

I ease the door open with one hand, holding my gun with the other. When I pull myself out, I’m holding my breath, waiting for someone to jump out of the shadows. Ready to pull the trigger and take him out. Or myself. Either way, if we get attacked one of us is going to end up dead by my hand.

Nothing happens, though. Jon comes up behind me and carefully shuts the door. I kick the rug back over it just in case we need to use the cellar again. You never know what’s going to happen these days.

“It’s clear,” Jon says.

I nod and head to the back room. The small window overlooking the alley reveals more of the same. Nothing.

“Let’s make a break for it,” I say.

Jon doesn’t answer, so I turn the knob and ease the door open. The air is cold. Crisp. Just like it feels before the first snowfall. I exhale, and a puff of steam rises up in front of me. The tip of my nose starts to tingle, and within seconds it feels like ice. The temperature really took a nosedive while we were in there.

“This way,” I say, taking off through the alley.

I keep close to the walls, staying in the dark shadows. The air is clear of the stench of death and the night is more silent than a tomb. Every little sound is magnified, but none of the noises can be attributed to people or the undead. Birds. Trees rustling in the wind. Possibly some other animals. But that’s it.

We make it to the end of the road, and that’s when things get sticky. The pharmacy is on the other side of the street, which means we’re going to have to be out in the open for at least a few seconds. I don’t like it, but there’s no way around it.

I crouch down next to a dumpster and study the main street. Jon kneels next to me, and neither one of us says a word for a full minute. I’m sure he’s looking at the same thing I am. The Nissan. Or what’s left of it, anyway.

“That must have been where the explosion came from,” he says.

I nod and swallow when my throat tightens. Shit.

“We’re going to have to make a break for it.” I move forward a few inches so I can get a better view. “It looks okay, but it did when we got here too.”

“Yeah.”

Jon sounds like he thinks it’s a horrible plan, but I don’t see him coming up with anything. I swear, I had no idea he was such a pussy when we met. He was hard as nails then. The way he acted in that van after he grabbed Vivian and me from the hospital. He was rough and in charge. I don’t know if that person died along with his sister, but I’ve barely glimpsed him since. I’m sure before all this I would have found his personality attractive. He’s thoughtful, gentle, caring. Now I just find it annoying as hell.

Give me a man like Axl any day.

I exhale and squeeze my eyes shut. Damn.

Please let us make it back to them.

I hate how I left things with Axl and Vivian. Things have just been off. So confusing and horrible and painful. I wasn’t myself and I want to be able to explain that. To give them a reason so they don’t remember me the way I was before we left on the run. A cold, selfish bitch.

“You ready?” Jon says behind me.

I open my eyes and take a deep breath. Starting at ten, I silently count down. When I get to one, I dart across the street without giving Jon any warning. He swears behind me, and within half a second he’s right on my heels. My heart’s beating so hard it almost takes my breath away, and it doesn’t ease up when I make it to the alley.

Jon runs up behind me, and we slam our backs against the wall. Neither one of us moves, talks, or breathes while we wait. Listening for gunshots or talking or the sound of footsteps running after us. Anything. But the night is as silent now as it was before.

I can’t believe it.

“Now what?” Jon asks.

I fight against the annoyance building inside me. It should be flattering that Jon thinks he can depend on me. That he believes I’ll bring him through. But it isn’t. For once, I want him to take control and give me a break.

“Let’s head to the back.”

I push myself off the wall and jog through the alley. Jon follows, and every breath he takes sounds like a scream compared to the stark silence of the town. I keep moving though, trying to ignore how tense everything is making me feel. Trying to ignore the heaviness in my limbs and how dry my throat is. The headache that has worked its way over the back of my skull to my forehead. The way my stomach lurches without the slightest provocation.

We reach the back of the pharmacy, and I let out a sigh of relief when I see that the door is wide open. But as soon as it’s out, dread spreads through me. There’s no way Angus, Parv, and Darla would be hiding in there with the door wide open like that.

We don’t even slow, which I know is foolish, but at this point my insides are so tense from the suspense of the situation I feel like they’ll implode if I wait a second longer. I charge inside, and the second I’m through the door I know the place is empty. It has the same hollow feeling most of the world has taken on. Our footsteps echo through the emptiness, and the air has the stale smell of neglect that I’ve almost gotten used to.

Shit.

I stop in the middle of the store. “They’re not here.”

“What do you think happened to them?”

“I don’t know, Jon. If I knew, we wouldn’t be here looking for them. Shit! Why does everything have to be on my shoulders? Can’t you fucking help me out and take on some of the responsibility for a change?”

I walk away from him before he can answer, heading to the front of the building. As if it holds any more answers than the back does. It’s just as empty. Just as silent and depressing and lost as everything else. I sink into one of the old, wooden chairs lining the walls and close my eyes.

Jon sits in the chair next to me, but I don’t look up. “They could be okay, you know. Maybe they got out.”

I nod but keep my eyes closed. My mouth fills with saliva, and suddenly my stomach is so uneasy I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep it from emptying everything I’ve eaten today. I suck in a deep breath through my nose, then slowly exhale through my mouth. Trying to keep myself from throwing up on the pharmacy floor.

“We should see if they left a note,” Jon says when I don’t respond.

I nod again, keeping my face down. “You check. I’m not feeling so great.”

Jon doesn’t ask me if I’m okay. He gets up, but I don’t open my eyes or really pay attention to what he’s doing. All I can focus on is the churning in my stomach. The exhaustion in my bones. The hopeless feeling swirling around in me.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should just end it.

“Hadley.” Jon’s voice is so full of excitement I have to open my eyes.

There’s light coming from between the rows of pills at the back of the pharmacy. I pull myself up and head that way, and when I get closer I can see the beam from his flashlight more clearly. It’s focused on a few words scrawled across one of the shelves. All the pills are on the floor like someone shoved them aside so they had room to write the message.

Headed back.

It’s simple and straight forward and provides us with enough information without giving the assholes who live in this town a way to find our camp. And it lets me know we have one hell of a long night ahead of us. We’re going to have to walk. We can’t risk tiptoeing around this town to look for a car, and there wasn’t much between here and the hot spring. Maybe we’ll get lucky, but maybe not. Either way, we’re on foot for a few hours at least.

My legs ache just thinking about it.

“So I guess we head out,” I say.

Jon nods and looks up. He doesn’t turn off the flashlight, and in this light he looks devastatingly handsome. Like someone playing a role in some post-apocalyptic movie. His five o’clock shadow and dirt-stained face seem perfectly scripted. His green eyes are enough to make every female—and some male—moviegoers swoon.

But Jon wasn’t the movie star in this group, I was. Only, I have no idea who that person is anymore. It seems like a million years ago.

Jon gets to his feet and lets out a deep breath. “Might as well get moving.”

I nod slowly, but instead of heading to the back, I turn and go to the front of the store. There’s something I need to get before we leave. “I have a killer headache. Let me grab some Tylenol first.”

9

“WE’RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT.” Winston’s hands tighten on the steering wheel, and he glances down at the dashboard for the hundredth time. “We’re running on fumes.”

Axl leans forward like it will change the outcome if he’s the one looking at the gas gauge. He shakes his head and sighs, and it’s one of the most defeated sounds I’ve ever heard. “We gotta stop. Try and stash the truck someplace so it ain’t out in the open.”

Winston nods. His lips are so tight I doubt he could talk if he tried, but he doesn’t even try to say anything. He just stares out the window at the passing forest, looking for a good place to pull off the road. We’re in the middle of nowhere.

I catch sight of a small opening in the trees just to our right and lean forward. It looks like an overgrown driveway, but it isn’t paved. It would be easy to miss if we weren’t looking.

“What about that?” I say, pointing to the break in the trees.

Winston nods again, then slows the truck. “It’s narrow, but it might work. Plus, we’re kind out of options here. We go any further and we’re going to risk running out of gas in the middle of the street. We can’t leave our only supplies out in the open like that.”

He turns the wheel, maneuvering the big vehicle onto the path. It’s so narrow that branches scratch against the outside as we move forward, reminding me of nails on a chalkboard. Winston drives until the path ends, then puts the truck in park. In front of us sits a crumbling house that was taken over by weeds decades ago. The roof has collapsed and the windows no longer have glass. The front door hangs open, swinging on the hinges. It sure as hell isn’t a place we can hide out in.

The three of us sit in silence for almost a full minute. Staring out the window at the house, thinking about our lost and missing friends. Wondering what the future holds for us next. I can barely breathe, and it doesn’t seem like Axl or Winston are either. We just do nothing. Like we aren’t sure where to go next.

When Winston finally exhales, it makes me jump. “Guess we should get out and let everyone know what’s going on.”

He opens the door and hops down, and Axl is right behind him. I don’t say a word as I slide out and slip my hand into his. Together we head to the back of the truck, and on instinct I pull out my gun and sniff the air. It’s clear and colder than it was when we left the hot spring. There’s a bite to it now that makes me think of snow. I’m not sure if it’s too early for that, but I do know we’re in serious trouble if it happens. We’ve been having a tough time finding warm clothes. Raiding houses has helped, but finding stuff to fit the kids has been a real challenge. The stores were still stocked with summer things when the virus hit, so going to a mall didn’t help. Other than a few lightweight jackets and sweatshirts, we don’t have a whole lot to choose from.

Angus is standing at the back when the door rolls up. He has his gun drawn like he’s ready for a fight, but he relaxes when he sees us.

He spits, then jumps down. “Shit. Don’t look like a town to me.”

“We ain’t gonna make it,” Axl says.

Parvarti hops down and Darla follows. Al and Lila come to the back of the truck, but they don’t get out yet. They’re all staring at us. Waiting to hear what we have to say. I hate that look. It makes me feel like I should have more answers.

“We’re about two miles outside of town,” Winston says. “We can send a few people out while everyone else waits here. Hope they’re able to find gas or another car. Or we can all go for a walk. Find a building in town and hang out. Get some rest while we look for gas and supplies.”

“What do you think?” Al asks, looking at Axl.

Axl purses his lips and glances toward Winston, but he’s staring at the ground. I’m not sure if he doesn’t know what to do or if he just doesn’t care anymore. Maybe a little of both.

“I think we all oughta go. We got no guarantee we’ll find gas in that town, and leavin’ everybody out in the open like this ain’t good. It’s gettin’ colder. Probably gonna snow.”

“What about people or zombies?” Lila asks, gnawing on her bottom lip as she clings to Al.

“The town was empty when we were there before. Nothing around,” Parvarti tells her. “I agree with Axl. I don’t know if there’s going to be any gas there, and that means we could be stranded for a couple days. It would be smarter for us to go now instead of having to walk back to get everyone.”

Angus spits again, then nods. “Yeah. Sounds like a plan. Be better to find a buildin’ than hang out in the back of this truck. We gotta pack up some shit, though. Blankets an’ stuff. Make sure we’re prepared in case we gotta stay for a day or two.”

“It’s going to be a tough walk with the kids. Especially with Jake being sick,” Winston mumbles. He still hasn’t taken his eyes off the ground.

“We’re gonna hafta carry him. Take turns.” Axl goes to the back of the truck and pulls himself inside. “We better get movin’.”

It doesn’t take us long to get everything together so we can head out. Joshua carries Jake while Sophia, Anne, and the kids huddle together in the middle. Parvarti and Winston take the lead. Angus and Darla walk to the right of the kids and Lila and Al take the left, which leaves the back for Axl and me.

We’re all armed with guns and knives. Parvarti carries her bow. The ammo we picked up back in California is running low, and conserving it is as important as conserving our food. If we don’t find a way to get more weapons soon, we’re going to be in real trouble.

I pull my quilted jacket closer to my body when a cold breeze whips across the road. My pack is loaded down with water and food. Plus I have a couple rolled up blankets attached to it. Axl carries his own bag, along with another bundle of blankets.

I can’t stop thinking about Jon and Hadley. They have nothing. Even if the Nissan hadn’t been destroyed, we didn’t have any supplies stored in it. Just in case it got stolen. They left with almost nothing, and it’s gotten a hell of a lot colder since then. I’m not sure Hadley was dressed warm enough.

Then there’s the mystery of the box I found. If it’s hers and she’s out there, she’s even more at risk. Part of me wants to talk to Darla so I can confirm exactly who the owner is, but another part of me doesn’t want to know. Both alternatives sound horrible. If it’s Darla’s that means Angus is going to be the father of my half-sibling—shit—but if it’s Hadley’s…. Just thinking about that makes me nauseous. I never thought there would be a scenario where my mom getting knocked up by Angus was the best alternative, but after what Hadley’s been through, it is.

“You think they’re okay?” I ask Axl.

We’ve been walking in silence for ten minutes or so. It’s slow going since we’re all loaded down with supplies and we have the kids to worry about. At this rate, it’s going to probably take us an hour to get there.

“Hard to say for sure, but I’d put money on Hadley. She’s a survivor.”

“You going to tell me what was really going on between you two before she left?”

Axl glances my way briefly before focusing on the road ahead of us. “Don’t know what you mean.”

“You’re a shit liar. Something was so far up Hadley’s ass she couldn’t wait to get away from you. What happened?”

Axl sniffs, then shakes his head. “Can’t say.”

“Because you don’t want me to know or because you don’t know?”

“Both.”

I force all the air out of my lungs and watch as it rises in front of me. He’s lying, but I don’t know why. Sometimes Axl is still a mystery to me. Even though we’re together almost twenty-four hours a day and I’ve gotten to know him so well I feel like we’re the same person at times. Maybe there will always be a part of him that’s blocked off.

My nose feels like an icicle by the time the first building comes into view. Winston slows down, and Axl and I jog to join him and Parvarti. Just like she said, the place seems deserted. It’s silent and the air is fresh, which is always a good sign.

“What are you thinking?” Winston asks.

Axl looks back at the group behind us, then down the street. The place is one of those single-stoplight towns. There are a few old houses, then the main square with some ancient-looking stores that probably went out of business twenty years ago. A small grocery store is the only thing that looks like it still might have been open when the virus struck. A gas station sits at the end of the street, but it’s small. One pump. Probably wasn’t even set up for credit cards. Other than that, the only thing I see is a post office.

“Wanna avoid the grocery store,” Axl says. “Gonna smell like shit in there and chances are the windows are busted out anyways.”

“They are,” Parvarti says.

Axl moves forward, and everyone shuffles after him. The further into town we get, the easier it is to see why Parvarti and the others weren’t able to find anything useful when they came here before. The place looks like it was deserted a long time ago. Probably only had a few inhabitants to begin with.

“Post office,” Axl says.

He picks up the pace, and I jog after him. I can hear Parvarti’s heavy breathing at my back.

“Was the other town you went to bigger than this?” I ask Parvarti.

“Yeah, but not by much. I think if we want to find anything useful in this area we’re going to have to go east. There’s a small college town out that way. Trouble is, it’s going to be overrun.”

“Could be our only chance, though.”

Her eyes meet mine, and she nods. “Yeah.”

We come up behind Axl, who has stopped outside the post office. He’s studying the building, and right away I can see it’s a good place to hide out. If we can get in. There are no windows and the front door is solid.

“We gotta break the lock,” Axl says.

He jiggles the door, but I can tell he’s only doing it out of curiosity. It rattles but doesn’t budge. There’s no real way to break in since there aren’t any windows.

He steps back and surveys the building, then turns to Angus. “Let’s head on back, see if we can get in that way.”

“Sure thing.” Angus nods and spits, then heads to the side of the building.

“Everybody stay here,” Axl says, following his brother. “We’re gonna check out back.”

We stand in a huddled mass outside the post office, trying to keep warm. No one talks. Ava shivers, and Sophia hugs her daughter close, rubbing her little arms to try and keep them warm. Jake is still in Joshua’s arms, his head leaning against his chest. The little boy doesn’t even open his eyes, and there’s worry etched in every line on Joshua’s face. There’s a blue tint to the little boy’s lips that makes my insides constrict until it feels like they’re being crushed. We found antibiotics, but it may be too late for Jake. If he dies, it will be a major blow to our group. Worse than what we just went through. Zombie attacks we expect, but death from an illness is something we should be able to prevent. It’s terrifying to know that something so small could take one of us down.

I pull my eyes away from the sick child and focus on the town. Keeping my eyes and ears open. It’s silent though. Like every living thing has been sucked off the Earth except us. It’s the silence that gets to me more than anything, I think. I’ve never known such emptiness. There was always noise before. Cars or planes, people yelling or laughing. Living. This nothingness is something I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to.

The door rattles behind me and I jump, spinning to face the building. My heart pounds even though I know with almost a hundred percent certainty it’s Axl and Angus. Something clicks, and the door is shoved open.

Angus grins. “We got us a clean building with lots of open space!”

No one really acts excited about it, but we all move inside anyway. It’s better than being out in the cold, but when I step in it isn’t that much warmer. I exhale, and steam rises up in front of me again. Damn. We have to find someplace warmer.

Maybe coming north was a bad idea after all.

Once I’m in the main part of the building, I’m able to really appreciate what a good hiding place this is. The walls are thick and solid, and even though there aren’t any chairs and the floor is hard, there’s plenty of space to spread out. There’s nothing in here any passing survivors would want to break in to get, and the door is solid steel. We’ll be safe here for a while.

“We got that map?” Axl calls.

Angus nods and jogs over to his brother, holding the map in his hand. They spread it out across the floor, and I go over to see what the plan is. Parvarti and Winston head over too, but everyone else seems to be getting settled. They’re exhausted, so I can’t blame them. We’ve been up all night.

“This here,” Parvarti says, pointing to the map. “It’s a small college town, probably had a good-size population. There are lots of stores and gas stations. A Wal-Mart and Target. Even a little strip mall. We were hoping to avoid it because there’s no way it won’t be overrun, but we’ve had no luck with the smaller towns, and it’s the next closest place.”

Axl nods slowly as his eyes sweep over the map. “It’s gotta be thirty miles from here.”

“We have to find a car,” I say.

Parvarti snorts and rolls her eyes. “Good luck. Nothing in town was gassed up, and the station at the end of the street had a sign in the window saying they were out of gas. Probably ran out before the virus even made it this far.”

“On foot it’s gonna take a good ten hours to get there,” Angus says.

“We could find somethin’ on the way.” Axl trails his finger across the map. “There’s gotta be houses.”

Parvarti sits back and looks the group over. “So who’s going with me?”

“We’ll go,” I say, speaking up for both me and Axl.

Angus clears his throat and stands up. “I ain’t stayin’ here.”

“Four of you should be good.” Winston gets to his feet as well, then glances toward the rest of the group. “We shouldn’t divide ourselves too much.”

Axl stands and stretches. There are dark circles under his eyes, reminding me we haven’t slept all night. It’s going to be a rough trip.

“Yeah. We’ll be good,” he says. “More than that would be too tough anyways. This way we don’t gotta find a big car. Somethin’ small will work just fine.”

“When do you want to go?” I ask.

Axl grabs his pack and dumps it out, searching through the contents littered across the floor. “No time to waste.”

“Let’s get our shit together,” Angus says, heading over to where Darla stands. She looks as exhausted as I feel.

I follow Axl’s lead, dumping my pack on the floor so I can go through it. We’re going to need some water, but not as much as I have stuffed in here. I want to get some food and more ammo, maybe even some first aid supplies. Just in case.

When I look up, I catch sight of Angus and Darla making out at the back of the post office. They’re hidden from most people, but I’m lucky enough to be sitting in the ideal spot to get the full view. Yay for me.

I wonder why Darla didn’t volunteer to go. My stomach twists, and I close my eyes. Shit. Does that mean that test belongs to her? It would explain why she’s suddenly feeling so maternal. Why she keeps wanting us to put the past aside…

Darla doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to being a mom, and if this test really is hers, I want to make sure she’s taking care of herself. We have prenatal vitamins for Sophia already, and if we need to get more that’s something we should know. Plus, Darla will need a bigger food ration. She may not be thinking ahead about all this, but I am.

I can’t stop thinking about it as I get my stuff packed up, so the second I’m done, I head toward the two lovebirds. They’re still going at it, and even though it grosses me out, I do my best not to look disgusted when I clear my throat.

Angus detaches himself from my mom and glares my way. “What’s the deal, Blondie? You ain’t gettin’ any so you don’t think anybody else should either?”

“I’m getting plenty, Angus. Don’t you worry about me.” I focus on Darla so he’ll get the point and leave. If she hasn’t told him yet, I’m not going to be the one to spill the beans. “I need to talk to you.”

Angus grumbles but says, “I’ll leave you two alone so you can gab. I gotta get my shit together anyways.”

He heads off, but Darla doesn’t watch him go. Her brown eyes are on me. “What’s on your mind?”

“Are you pregnant?”

She lets out a half laugh, half snort. “Don’t beat around the bush or nothing.”

“I’m serious.” I look over my shoulder to make sure no one is watching us, then turn back to face her. “I found a pregnancy test in the tent you and Angus were sleeping in.”

“I ain’t the only one getting laid. You know that, right?”

“I know, but you’re the one with a history of neglecting your responsibilities.”

Her face hardens, and her mouth scrunches up, making her look like she took a bite of something bitter. “Guess you decided not to let all that shit go.”

“I want to know, Darla. If you are, things need to be done.”

She flicks her blonde hair over her shoulder, then crosses her arms. This time, she doesn’t look directly at me. “You can rest easy. We’re being careful. Taking precautions.”

“Condoms aren’t a hundred percent effective and you know it.”

“Well, there are other ways to be sure, if you’re getting my drift. I’d spell it out for you, but I doubt you can handle all the dirty details.”

My stomach rolls. Gross.

I hold my hand up before she decides to tell me. I wouldn’t put it past her to throw all the details out there just to piss me off. “I don’t need you to describe it for me. I’ll take your word for it.”

“Good. That test ain’t mine.”

She stomps off, and I’m left staring at the wall. The little progress I made with my mom is gone, but that isn’t even the worst part of it all. The test didn’t belong to Lila, Parvarti, or Darla, which only leaves one person. Hadley. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath, hoping it will ease the pressure in my chest. It doesn’t.

All I can think about is that chubby bald asshole from Vegas.

Is it his? It could be Jon’s. They started sleeping together right after we got back to the shelter. There was a two-day gap at most. There’s really no way to know for sure, though. I can’t even imagine what Hadley’s going through right now.

“Vivian!” Axl calls. “Let’s go!”

I pull my pack up higher on my back and head after the others, ignoring the glare from Darla when I head by her.

10

WHEN I OPEN MY EYES THE sun is just coming up, sending little rays of light shooting through the windows. With no electricity to run the heat, the air in the house feels like it’s reached arctic temperatures. At least the bed is warm and I slept relatively well. If it were up to me, I’d stay snuggled up in these blankets for another six hours. But I need some privacy, and Jon is still out cold.

I roll out of bed and shiver when my feet hit the floor. It’s colder in here than I thought it was. There weren’t a lot of options when we started looking for a place to sleep, though. We left that town behind and started walking, hoping to find a car. We found shit, of course. After two hours, we were too exhausted to go on. This place was the first thing we came to. It’s just a shack, really.

I slip my feet into my boots and tiptoe out of the room, scooping my backpack up on the way by. The test I took from the pharmacy is shoved in the bottom. I didn’t want Jon to see it. Not until I knew what was going on. Even then, I’m not sure. I took one from the first town we went to but never got around to using it. It’s hard as hell to find some alone time these days. If you even suggest going off by yourself, everyone freaks out. What little bit of time I did manage to get to myself was interrupted by Axl before I could take the test.

Then I decided to go ahead and make a total ass of myself.

The back door creaks when I push it open, but I don’t even pause before stepping outside. It’s cold as balls. There’s frost on everything, and it sparkles in the early morning sun. It’d be pretty if everything wasn’t so screwed up.

I drop my pants just outside the door and pull the test out. It’s not the first pregnancy test I’ve taken, so I don’t have to read the instructions. I had a scare back in high school when I was only seventeen. Crazy thing is, I’m less equipped to deal with it now than I was then. Shit. Back then I had my parents who would have supported me, and friends. Even the dumbass baby daddy would have been better than what I have now. Jon, who means well but annoys the hell out of me, and the memories of a rapist whose head I blew off.

It’s like a fairy tale.

My hand shakes as I hold the test between my legs and pee. My stomach has been uneasy for days, so that’s nothing new really, but right now it has more to do with anxiety than anything else. I was pretty sure I had a bug at first. We’ve been cold and eating like shit and not getting enough sleep. It would have made sense. Plus, there was always the possibility I drank some water that hadn’t been boiled long enough. But it didn’t get better. Then I skipped my period, and I knew I was in deep shit.

When I’m done peeing, I stick the cap back on the test and pull my pants up. But I don’t make a move to go back inside. I’m shivering and it’s so cold my nose has started to run, but I can’t go anywhere until the test tells me what I want to know.

Moisture spreads across the little window on the stick, and the blue control line pop up. I hold my breath and count while I wait to see if the other one will show up. The box says it could take a few minutes, but it doesn’t. Less than ten seconds later, a second blue line slowly appears in the window. It’s lighter than the first one, but there’s no missing it.

The test is positive.

My arm falls to my side and the test drops from my hand and my legs wobble and all the air leaves my lungs. I can’t move. Think. React. I collapse on the ground. Try to catch my breath, gasping like a fish out of water.

I. Can’t. Breathe.

I’m still sitting on the ground when Jon walks out. My ass has turned to ice and my whole body is shaking. A steady stream of snot flows from my nose, but I’m in such a daze I can’t even wipe it away.

His green eyes get huge when he sees me sitting on the icy ground. “Hadley?”

He scrambles toward me, pulling me to my feet and wrapping his arms around me. Then he drags me inside. It isn’t much warmer in the house.

Jon forces me to sit on the filthy couch in the living room, then drapes a blanket over my shoulders. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

I look up, but I can’t concentrate on his face. It takes a few seconds and about a dozen blinks for his eyes to focus, and even then I don’t really feel like I’m seeing him. None of this feels real.

“I’m f-fine.” A shiver shakes my entire body, and my teeth chatter together.

“Stay here. I’m going to find you some clean clothes.” He gets up and heads to the back of the house, calling over his shoulder, “There has to be something around here that will work.”

It isn’t until he walks out of the room that I realize I left the test outside. It was lying next to me when Jon came out. God, I hope he didn’t see it.

He comes back a few minutes later, and by then my ass has started to feel numb from the cold. The tips of my fingers too.

“You’re shivering,” he says, kneeling down in front of me and rubbing my hands between his. “We need to get you into some dry clothes.”

I nod and let him help me stand. He kneels down to untie my shoes, then stands to face me. His eyes hold mine while he undoes the button on my pants, but I can’t tell what he’s thinking. If he saw the test and knows or if he’s just worried. I just don’t know him well enough to be able to tell what the look he’s giving me means.

The sun is still low when we head out. We only have a little water, and absolutely no food. Things were too crazy for me to think about grabbing some from that store before we left town. Not that it would matter. My stomach feels like it’s been turned inside out, and I have serious doubts about my ability to keep anything down, anyway.

“How long do you think it will take us to get there?” Jon asks, staring up at the orange sky like it will answer him. If only it would.

He never stops asking me questions, and I’m so sick of it I could scream. I’m not a gypsy and I don’t know the future, and I’m tired of Jon expecting me to solve all the problems in this messed-up, shitty world. I’m barely keeping myself together, and I don’t want to be responsible for him too. What little bit of affection I felt for him this morning when he helped me get dry was left back at the house. Now I’m just annoyed.

I’ll just blame it on hormones.

“I don’t know,” I say, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice. “All day.”

“I can’t wait to get a bath,” he says. “We really got lucky finding that hot spring, you know. I think it will turn out to be a nice break for all of us. Give us a new outlook on life.”

“A new outlook on life?” I’m not sure that’s even possible.

He nods and smiles my way. “Yeah.”

Since when did Jon become such an optimist? He was the one who wanted to end it all after his sister died. I mean, I didn’t really blame him. She got taken by the same men who took Vivian and me, but by the time we got there she was too bad off to be saved. Jon risked everything to get her out, but she was dead long before we left that casino. Before she threw herself from the helicopter.

He sighs when I don’t respond, and we go back to traveling in silence.

I watch him out of the corner of my eye as we walk, trying to decide if I should tell him I’m pregnant. He was married before all this. Even had a baby. I know he’d be a good dad, if there is such a thing these days, but I don’t want to face the implications of all this. I don’t want to live with the one question everyone will be thinking when they find out I’m pregnant. Is Jon really the father? Probably not.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Hadley,” he says out of nowhere, making me jump.

I pull my thoughts away from the Monte Carlo and focus on Jon, who’s frowning at me. Watching me like he’s trying to read my mind. It makes my skin itch uncomfortably. There’s nothing inside me that I want out in the light of day, especially right now. My brain is too full of nightmares and ghosts from the past.

“You started all this,” Jon continues. “I know why you did and I get it, but I’m tired of you treating me like shit one minute, then begging me to screw you the next. Either you want me or you don’t.” He pauses, and his green eyes sweep over me. They’re warm and inviting, but that only makes me more uncomfortable. I fight the urge to run. “I like you, Hadley.”

I have no idea what to do with that.

“What does that even mean, Jon? You want to go steady? Get married? What? It’s not like any of that shit exists anymore. It’s not like we can have a real future. We’re sleeping together when we can find a few minutes to ourselves, and let’s face it, that’s about as much as we can hope for these days.”

Jon stops walking and grabs my arm so hard I’m certain he’ll leave a bruise, but any complaint I might have had dies on my lips when I see the desperation in his eyes. “That’s bullshit and you know it! Axl and Vivian have more than that. They’re there for each other. Even when we’re on the road for days and they can’t find a single second to be alone, they’re a couple and everyone knows it. They’re more than husband and wife, and it makes me jealous as hell because I’d love to have something like that. Especially now. We could be there for each other. Lean on one another when everything is shit. But that’s not what we do. You don’t want a damn thing to do with me until you’re ready to screw me, and it’s pissing me off because I love you, Hadley!”

His voice echoes across the silence, bouncing off the trees and rocks and emptiness until it feels like the words are a ball and the inside of my head is a pinball machine. He loves me. No guy has ever said that to me before. Except maybe the almost-baby daddy back in high school, and even then I knew he was just saying it to get in my pants. But Jon means it. I can see it in his eyes and the way he looks at me and every breath he takes in as he waits for me to respond.

And I have no fucking clue how I feel about him.

“I’m lost, Jon.” I take a deep breath, and it’s so shaky I almost fall over. “I don’t know how I feel or what I want or if I even want to be here anymore. Hadley Lucas went into that casino in Vegas, but she didn’t come out. I don’t know who this is.”

He releases my arm and lets out a deep breath. His gaze drops to the ground, and he shakes his head like he’s just realized how lost we all are. It shouldn’t be a surprise, though. Everything is gone. All the hopes and dreams we had for the future are pointless now. Like the ramblings of a lunatic. We’re dirty and hungry and lost and scared, and that’s probably the most we’ll ever be able to hope for. Wanting more seems like a waste and just too much work when I’m already so worn out.

After a few seconds, Jon lets out another deep breath and lifts his gaze to mine. “Just tell me what you want from me. Right now. Not in the future, not tomorrow, not a year from now. Today. Everything I do pisses you off, but I can’t read your mind. If there’s something you want from me, just tell me.”

“That’s a novel idea, isn’t it? Actually telling you what I’m thinking.” I laugh. I can’t help it.

Jon smiles just a little. “I’d love to know what you’re thinking. I want to know you, Hadley.”

The idea of Jon knowing what’s really going on inside my head frightens me so much my legs start to shake. But I’m not sure if I have another option. If things keep going the way they are, I’ll end up driving him away. Then I’ll be alone. That scares me more than all the messed-up shit going on inside me put together.

I exhale, trying to blow some of the tension out of my body. It doesn’t really work, but we’re at a standstill. I just need to go for it.

“I want someone who is going to take care of me, Jon. I’m tired, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going like this.” Tears fill my eyes, so I turn my face toward the sky. I don’t want him to see how much I hurt. “You keep looking to me to make all the decision. What are we going to do, Hadley? How are we going to get back? I don’t want someone depending on me to bring them through. I can barely get myself through one day.”

“Hadley,” Jon whispers.

I tear my eyes away from the blue sky and force myself to focus on him. His mouth turns down and his green eyes shimmer. He takes a step forward, then reaches up to touch my cheek. It’s gentle and nice, and for once the softness in his gaze doesn’t piss me off.

“I thought you wanted to be in charge. I thought you needed to be the one calling the shots, like it made you feel stronger. That’s all. I can be that man for you. I can take care of you. I want to take care of you.” He hesitates, sucking in a small breath like he isn’t sure whether or not he should say more. “I can take care of anything that comes along.”

Tears fill my eyes until everything in front of me is distorted, and I have to look away. He knows. If only that made all this easier to deal with.

“Let’s get a move on,” I say.

This time when I start walking, I take his hand.

11

IT HAS TO BE CLOSE TO noon when we head out of town. The sky is overcast, so we aren’t going to be able to depend on the sun to keep us going in the right direction. Luckily, Axl has a compass.

We don’t stick to the roads. We’ve tried that before and it didn’t work out. It’s too hard to hide when we come across other groups, and we never know who we can trust. So the four of us cut through the town and head through an open field, then to the woods. It makes the walk more difficult though, and I’m already exhausted. My legs are so heavy they feel like they’re weighed down. I’m not sure I’ll be able to go all day like this. If we don’t find a car, we’re going to have to stop somewhere to rest. There’s no doubt about it.

“Ten hours,” I say, doing the math in my head as we trudge through the woods. “We can’t have more than six hours of daylight left.”

“We’ll stop if we have to,” Parvarti says, not slowing for even a second to look back at me. Her legs may be shorter than everyone else’s, but she isn’t having trouble keeping up. If anything, I have to work to keep up with her.

The day drags on with very little change in scenery. Bare trees and fallen branches. Brown, shriveled leaves that crunch under our feet as we walk. We don’t pass any houses or other buildings other than an old, crumbling barn out in the middle of a field. It’s so surrounded by nothingness that I find myself wondering how in the world anyone ever got to the place. Then we’re back in the woods, once again surrounded by trees. Occasionally, we catch sight of a small animal or bird, but the forest is shockingly empty and quiet. No zombies, though, so that’s good.

We’ve been walking for close to four hours before we finally come across a house. It’s in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a fence that doesn’t look like it could keep a toddler out. The house looks like it’s ready to crumble to pieces at any moment. Most of the windows are covered in boards, and the ones that aren’t are cracked. The yard is littered with junk. Cars, old doors, washers, dryers. Pretty much everything imaginable. It looks like something out of the show Hoarders. On top of everything else, there are at least ten no trespassing signs. Hanging from trees, the fence, rusted-out cars. As if people are just dying to tear down this fence and steal the trash littering the yard.

“There’s no way,” I say, stopping five feet from the fence. “This place isn’t going to have anything that will be helpful.”

Angus spits on his way by me. “When’d you turn into such a snob? Just ‘cause he ain’t got money don’t mean he ain’t got somethin’ useful.”

“He has trash, Angus.”

“It’s worth a shot,” Parvarti says, following Angus.

Even Axl heads after them. “Come on. It ain’t gonna hurt.”

“It will if he’s alive and decides to shoot us so we don’t steal his rusty washing machine,” I mutter, following the others. “These were the kind of people who would kill you over nothing before all this started. What do you think he’s going to do now?”

No one answers and they keep walking. I guess I’ve been outvoted.

The front gate is barely hanging on. It creaks when Angus pushes it open, and I can’t help looking over my shoulder. We haven’t seen any zombies since the horde invaded the hot spring, but I know that won’t last. I’ve been waiting for something to attack us since we started walking. It’s coming, I know it is. We just have to be prepared.

Angus knocks on the front door.

“Are you serious?” I hiss. “Why would you knock?”

“So he knows we’re friendly. Don’t want him shootin’, now do we?”

He has a point, but I’m not feeling any better about the situation.

No one comes to the door—and no one shoots—so Angus knocks again. After another minute or so of silence, he pushes the door open. It creaks even louder than the gate did.

Angus goes in, and Axl is right behind him. Parvarti doesn’t make a move to follow.

“You staying out here?” I ask, pausing next to her.

“Want to keep an eye on things.” She doesn’t even move her gaze from the forest in front of her. “I’ll yell if I see trouble.”

I look back and forth between the house and Parvarti while I chew on my bottom lip. The idea of leaving her alone makes me nervous. We don’t go anywhere by ourselves these days. “You want me to stay?”

Parvarti finally looks away from the woods, and her brown eyes hold mine. She’s about a head shorter than I am, but the expression on her face is so fierce she seems bigger. Older even. “I’m good.”

She’s probably right. From here nothing would really be able to sneak up on her, and she’s such a good shot with the bow she’d be able to take a few zombies out before they got too close. Plus, I doubt we’ll be inside for very long.

“Okay,” I say, turning to follow the brothers. “We’ll keep it brief.”

I step inside the house and the stench is so overwhelming it almost knocks me down. I cover my nose as I glance around, but nothing about the smell sets off warning bells in my head. It isn’t death. It’s rotten food, urine, and animals of some kind. There’s so much stuff crowded into the small space it’s hard to tell where the stink is coming from, but with as much trash as this guy has shoved in here, I’d be willing to bet it smelled like this long before the virus hit.

The front room is stacked almost to the ceiling with old newspapers and magazines, making just standing in the room feel tight and confining. Like being in a cave. One of the piles has toppled over, leaving the papers scattered across the room. I pick one up at random and flip it over. It’s from January of 1980.

I toss the newspaper aside and shake my head. “This is a waste of time.”

“Don’t get your panties in a knot,” Angus says. “I’m just lookin’. This dude may seem crazy, but it was people like this that was prepared. Most of the shit they kept was useless.” He waves to a pile of plastic hangers. The kind you get when you buy a shirt at Wal-Mart. “But sometimes they’d have good stuff.”

“Useful? Are you serious right now? Nothing in here is going to be useful unless we suddenly learn magazines are edible.”

Axl exhales but doesn’t look at me. He’s sifting through a box on the other side of the room. “Stop bitchin’ and just look ‘round so we can get the hell outta here.”

My mouth drops open, and Angus flashes me a triumphant grin. Axl heads into another room without even glancing my way. Shit. That’s probably the first time he’s taken his brother’s side over mine since before the dead came back. He’s always telling Angus to shut up these days. What the hell is going on with everyone?

Angus follows his brother, but I turn the other way and head back outside. It stinks in the house, and despite what Angus says there is no way in hell we’re going to find anything useful. If they want to waste time digging through trash that’s their choice. I’m not going to.

Parvarti hasn’t move from her spot, and she doesn’t look my way when I step outside. “Find anything?”

“Junk. But Angus is convinced we’ve hit a gold mine.” I walk past her and head around to the side of the house. “I’m going to check out back. To prove Angus wrong if nothing else.”

“Have fun with that.”

The yard is so littered with garbage I have a hard time picking my way through it. It looks like this guy drove through neighborhoods on trash day and grabbed all the junk people put on their curbs. Old strollers, bikes, appliances, dog crates. You name it, he has it. It’s all dirty and rusty. I don’t see a single thing that would have been useful even if we did have electricity. It’s all been out in the weather too long.

I keep moving though. I want to be able to tell Angus I looked through all this shit and didn’t find a single treasure chest. Of course, even if we did find a chest full of treasure it would be useless now. Who the hell cares about gold when we can’t even find food half the time?

When I reach the middle of the yard, I stop and look around, turning in a complete circle so I can take it all in. My gaze moves over the trash and rusty cars, and when my eyes land on the doors, I almost laugh. The grass is so long I almost missed it, but right next to an old pile of microwaves is a cellar.

“Well, shit. If there’s something useful in here I’m going to have to apologize to Angus.”

Axl comes around the corner just as I head for the doors. “Find somethin’?”

“Maybe. There’s a cellar over here. Looks like it goes under the house. Anything inside?”

“Few cans of food. That’s ‘bout it,” Axl says, heading my way. Wading through the trash and knee-high grass.

He stumbles when his foot catches on something that’s hidden by the tall weeds, and I take a step toward him. “Be careful there.”

“I know,” Axl says, his tone sharp. He sounds like he’s irritated with me. Why, I don’t know, but I’m getting tired of everyone being so moody. We need to find a real place so we can all get some space and not be at each other’s throats so much.

I turn my back to him and pull my knife as I bend down to grab the door handle. Even though I’m slightly annoyed, I wait until Axl is by my side. It’s possible whoever owns this place went down to the cellar to live. Or to die.

The door is heavy, and I have to put all my weight into it so I can heave it open. It groans like it hasn’t been moved in years. I hold my breath and stand off to the side, pulling the door toward me. Axl has his gun up and ready, but nothing comes charging at us, so that’s good.

I dig out my flashlight and shine it into the cellar, illuminating the stairs and the dirt floor below. Still nothing moves.

“Toss something down.”

Axl picks up a rock and throws it into the cellar. It hits the ground and pings against something, echoing through the darkness. I hold my breath for a second time, but still nothing happens.

“Sounds clear,” he says.

Axl takes a step forward and I’m right behind him, shining my flashlight on the stairs so he can see what he’s doing. The steps are old, and the wood bows under our weight as we make our way down. The cellar itself is cement on all sides except the floor, which is dirt. The room is dank and musty. Old spider webs fill every corner and run from beam to beam above our heads. When we reach the bottom, I take a few minutes to move my flashlight across the room. It isn’t big, probably only six feet by six feet, but it’s lined with shelves. Shelves full of boxes.

“Point that over here,” Axl says.

I turn the beam his way as he takes a box off the shelf. It’s sealed with tape, so he pulls out his knife and runs it down the middle, then jerks the box open the rest of the way.

A big smile spreads across his face. “Holy shit.”

“What? What is it?”

I move closer just as he holds up a brown package.

“MREs. Looks like there are ‘bout ten in here. If all them boxes have the same thing in ‘em, we’re lookin’ at a hell of a lot of food.”

I pan the flashlight around again and count as I go. “There has to be close to a hundred boxes in here.”

“Yup.” Axl puts the open box down and grabs another. He rips it open, and it’s more of the same. “Problem is gonna be gettin’ them outta here. It ain’t like we can drive the Sam’s truck back this way. We’re gonna need to find something else.”

He’s right, which sucks, but at the moment I can only focus on one thing.

“I can’t believe Angus was right,” I mutter, shaking my head.

Axl laughs as he heads to the stairs, still holding a box in his hands. “Wait ‘til he sees this.”

We find Angus and Parvarti in the front yard, sitting on the hood of an old car. Smoking. I’ve never seen Parvarti smoke, but it doesn’t look odd on her. Not with the bow in her lap and the bandana over her jagged haircut. It looks like she was born with it between her lips. If her friends and family could see her now, they’d never recognize her.

“What you got?” Angus calls out.

Axl holds up the box and grins. “You ain’t gonna believe this!”

“You got somethin’ to say to me, Blondie?” Angus nudges me with his elbow and grins.

“I’m not going to kiss your ass just because you were right, Angus,” I say, but even I can’t hold back my smile.

“I was right? Is that what you said?” His grin gets bigger and he puffs out his chest. “I could get used to that. Sounds good. ‘Specially comin’ outta your mouth.”

“Give it a rest, Angus.” I roll my eyes, all the while grinning from ear to ear. “You could have just as easily been wrong. How many piece of shit houses do you think have cellars full of food? Not many.”

“Don’t matter. We just need the one.”

I’m never going to hear the end of this.

“That’s ‘bout as good as it’s gonna get,” Axl says, stepping away from the cellar door.

The four of us stand in silence for a few seconds, looking down at the now covered door. It’s so piled with trash I’d never be able to find it if I didn’t know it was there. Anyone passing through will walk right by it. Unless they decide to dig through all this junk, that is. This will keep the food safe until we can get back for sure, which is the most we can do right now. Hopefully, we can find a car soon and come back.

Parvarti is the first to turn away. “We better get a move on. It will be dark in about an hour, and we need to find some place to sleep before then.”

Axl grabs my hand and pulls me after her. Angus is right behind me.

On the other side of the house, there’s a beaten-down path that must have been used as a driveway. It isn’t paved and it’s starting to look overgrown, but it’s the only way to this house that we can find. We decide to follow it so we can see where it leads, that way we know how to get back. It ends up being about a ten minute walk to the road.

Axl drops my hand when we step out of the woods and pulls his backpack off. “Gonna leave a marker.”

He produces the same can of spray paint he used earlier, shaking it as he heads toward the end of the driveway. Just like before, the noise sends my heart into double time. I keep my eyes on the surrounding area while Axl sprays a neon orange ring around the trunk of a tree. He places it near the bottom, which makes it pretty inconspicuous. It’s doubtful anyone passing by would notice it, and even if they did, they probably wouldn’t give it a second look. It will help us find our way back to the house, though

When Axl’s done, he shoves the can back into his pack and points down the street. “Let’s head on down the road a ways. See if we can find the name of this street.”

Angus and Parvarti take off, leading the way, and Axl grabs my hand before heading after them. Overhead, the sky is even grayer than it was a couple hours ago, and in the distance it’s so dark it almost looks black. It’s getting late, so that could be why, but it’s more likely that we’re going to get hit with a storm soon. A snow storm, judging by the chill in the air.

We walk for less than ten minutes before we reach an intersection. Parvarti and Angus stop below the sign to wait for us.

“Emerick Road and County Line Road,” Angus calls out. “Gonna hafta get us a local map an’ come back here.”

“We’ll find it,” Axl says confidently.

Parvarti licks her lips as she looks up and down the street. Her whole body is tense. “I don’t like being out in the open like this.”

“You hear somethin’?” Angus asks, his head jerking up and his eyes roving the area.

“No. It just makes me nervous.” Her grip tightens on her bow.

I can’t argue with her. There’s no cover on the road, and if someone did come up on us right now, we wouldn’t be able to hide. Which is why we usually avoid being out in the open like this.

“Let’s head back into the woods.” Axl pulls the compass out of his pocket and holds it in front of him, then points to our right. “That way.”

We step off the road and head into the wooded area to our right. My body is lighter the second my feet crunch against leaves, but I’ve only taken two steps into the forest when the moans of the dead make me stop short. All the tension returns to my body and Parvarti freezes next to me. I pull my knife out while my gaze sweeps across the area, but I don’t see shit.

“You hear that?” Parvarti whispers.

“Yeah.”

Axl nods, and Angus stops walking. They’re about a foot in front of us. Angus’s shoulders stiffen as he pulls his own knife. None of us move. The wind blows and a shiver runs through my body, but it’s only partly from the cold. I strain my ears, listening for any indication the zombies are headed this way. Leaves rustle with the wind. Tree branches click together. An animal scurries across the ground somewhere to my right while a bird not too far from us takes off. No more moans, though.

“Which way?” I say as quietly as possible.

Parvarti notches an arrow and shakes her head. Axl looks over his shoulder, and his gray eyes meet mine just as another moan breaks through the silence.

“This way.” Angus takes off running, jumping over branches as he charges through the forest. Only he’s running toward the moans, not away from them.

“Shit,” Axl says, taking off after his brother.

Parvarti shakes her head, but she and I don’t move. “He has too much fun killing them.”

“No kidding.” I snort out a laugh, and I’m all ready to make a smart-ass comment when more moans break through the silence. This time they’re followed by a howl of pain.

Parvarti’s head snaps toward the sound. “Someone’s in trouble.”

My heartrate picks up as I take off after the brothers, my fingers tightening around my knife. Parvarti is right on my heels. We haven’t seen someone outside our group in more than a week, and it seems crazy to run into another person out in the middle of nowhere like this. There’s no way a zombie made that sound, though. It was human for sure.

I run up behind Axl and Angus just as the horde comes into view. Seven of them. Their clothes are tattered and dirty, their skin torn. Black ooze pours from their eye sockets, noses, and ears. The putrid smell of decay hits me from four feet away, and my stomach jumps to my throat, but I don’t slow.

Only a few feet in front of them, a kid is running for his life.

The boy stumbles through the forest on short legs, barely making progress, and the dead are closing in fast. At first, all I can see is the back of the kid’s head. He has shaggy brown hair that’s way too long, like he hasn’t had a haircut in a year. When I get closer though, I can make out his black backpack. It’s weighed down by whatever’s inside, and it’s slowing him down.

Axl reaches the horde first and takes the closest one out with his knife. The blade drives through the side of the zombie’s skull, and the bastard falls. Angus kicks a second one in the back of the leg, sending him flailing to the ground. He doesn’t die, but before he can get back up, Angus stabs him in the head. An arrow whirls by me—so close it would have scared the shit out of me if I didn’t know Parvarti was such a good shot—and slices through the skull of a third.

I reach the dead just as Axl sinks his blade into another zombie’s head. The monster in front of me is so foul-smelling that it makes my stomach lurch. I swing my knife forward, and the blade slices into his temple. The dead man falls to the ground, and with him out of the picture, only one zombie remains. A wiry, decaying man who probably didn’t have much hair even when he was alive. Now, only a few stringy strands hang from his scalp. They flap in the breeze as he lurches forward, diving for the boy. He doesn’t get his fingers into the kid, but he does succeed in knocking him down. They fall together, and the kid grunts. The zombie moans as he pulls himself across the ground on his hands and knees.

Before he can get very far, Axl is on the dead man. He slams the heel of his boot against the zombie’s skull, and the creature shrieks. Axl does it a second time, and the crack of bone splinters through the air. Black gunk oozes from the dead man’s head, but he’s still moving. Still clawing at the ground and reaching toward the kid. Axl brings his boot down a third time, and the thing’s skull collapses. The bastard finally slumps to the ground.

The boy is panting when he scrambles forward, but something about the whole thing seems off. I blink and step closer, trying to get a good look at the kid, but it’s a few seconds before reality hits me. The kid isn’t a kid. He’s a man. A dwarf, to be exact.

The man rolls onto his back and frowns at the zombie with the bashed-in head. When he looks up, his eyes sweep over the four us so slowly it makes the hair on my scalp prickle. Why does it feel like he’s passing judgment on us?

Parvarti and I look at each other, and her eyebrows shoot up. She shrugs. Axl doesn’t move from his position in front of the man and he doesn’t say a word—he’s probably as shocked as I am—but Angus lets out a little chuckle.

“Shit,” he mutters, shoving his dirty knife into its sheath. “We got ourselves a midget!”

The man gets to his feet and brushes the dirt off his pants. He doesn’t even glance Angus’s way. “The correct term is dwarf, you ignorant prick.”

I press my lips together and try to hold back my smile, but it doesn’t work. Parvarti doesn’t even try. It’s the first smile I’ve seen on her face in weeks, and will probably the last I’ll see for a long time to come. I’m starting to think a part of her died when Trey did.

Angus’s face turns red, and the little vein on his forehead pops out. He takes a step toward the man, who hasn’t moved an inch. “You little shit—”

Axl grabs his brother’s arm and pulls him back. “Shut up, Angus.” He studies the man, pursing his lips. “You bit?”

The man jerks his head to the side to toss his shaggy brown hair out of his eyes. “No, I’m not bit.” His tone is sharp and his brown eyes even sharper. They pierce through Axl like they can see everything he’s ever done.

Angus spits, and the man’s eyes snap down. He frowns as he stares at the speck of brown liquid shimmering on the leaf at his feet, and it isn’t hard to tell what he’s thinking. What he thinks of Angus, to be exact.

“You got a big attitude for such a little man,” Angus says with a grunt.

The man looks up and narrows his eyes on Angus. Then he snorts. “Size doesn’t matter. Or haven’t you heard?”

“You alone?” Axl asks, ignoring his brother and the man’s sarcastic remarks.

The man nods slowly, and for the first time he looks uncertain. His gaze moves over us again, focusing on our weapons. He looks like he’s trying to size us up. To decide whether or not we’re going to use the weapons on him. When his gaze meets mine, he presses his lips together.

“I haven’t seen another person since before the dead came back,” he finally says.

Axl glances my way, then purses his lips again. When he looks back at the man in front of him, his face is softer. Sympathetic. “How’ve you made it this far?”

The man rolls his eyes so far back in his head only the whites are visible. Angus was right. This guy does have a big attitude.

“You mean because of my tiny little legs?” he says, his words dripping with sarcasm. “Determination and brains always win out over speed. Read The Tortoise and the Hare.” His gaze moves to Angus and he grins. “If you can read.”

“Son of a bitch,” Angus mutters, stepping forward again.

“Enough!” I shout. A bird caws above us, flying into the air, and I glance around nervously. No zombies. Not yet, anyway. “You all have dicks. Good for you. Let’s not have a pissing contest right now.”

The man tears his eyes away from Angus and gives me an appreciative look, but I don’t return it. He’s getting on my nerves. There’s no time for this bullshit. The sun is so low there’s barely any light penetrating the thick layer of clouds above us, and it’s getting colder by the second. We need to get somewhere for the night. And fast.

“What’s your name?” Parvarti asks.

“They call me Tiny,” he says flatly, still holding my gaze. When none of us moves, he sighs. “You four are no fun. Brady. My name is Brady.”

“You got a place ‘round here?” Axl asks.

Brady tilts his head. He hesitates, and I’m not sure if he’s going to tell us. He’s pretty clean and he’s alive. Seems like he probably has a decent place. Maybe he has room. Maybe he’s the answer we’ve been looking for. Brady’s eyes sweep over us again, and I hold my breath. If I could somehow make myself look less threatening to him I would, but I have no idea what to do other than lay my weapons down at his feet. That’s not going to help Angus appear any more appealing, though.

“We’re not going to hurt you or steal your stuff,” I say. “We’re not looking for trouble. Just someplace safe.”

His eyes move to Angus, and his mouth tightens. Then he exhales. “I lived in a gated community before all this started. It was small—only twenty houses—and well-fortified. We wanted to keep the riff-raff out.” He jerks his head toward Angus, who swears under his breath. “When the dead started coming back, I took preemptive measures. Went from house to house and killed them before they returned or when they were still slow.”

“You could reach their heads?” Angus sneers. He spits at Brady’s feet again, barely missing the toe of his brown leather boot.

Brady snorts and says, “Carrying around the ladder slowed me down, but I managed.”

“For real?” Angus’s eyebrows pull together as his gray eyes narrow on the little man’s face.

Brady snorts again. “No, you buffoon. I used a gun like any normal person.”

Angus moves toward Brady, and Parvarti lets out a sigh. I know what she’s thinking. These two are worse than children.

“Will you two shut up?” I say, stepping in front of Angus before he beats the shit out of the sarcastic man. I can’t say that I’d really blame Angus all that much, really, but we have more important things to worry about.

I kneel down so I’m eye level with Brady, and his brown eyes study mine. They are intense and intelligent. Don’t miss a thing. No wonder he’s survived. It takes more than physical strength to make it through this. Doesn’t mean he couldn’t use the help though, and I think he’s smart enough to know that. We could help him as much as he could help us.

“You’re telling me you have a gated community nearby? Cleared out?”

Angus spits behind me, and when I cringe, the corner of Brady’s mouth twitches.

“I know what you’re thinkin’, Blondie, and it ain’t happenin’. There’s no way in hell I’m livin’ out the rest of my life next to this sack-a-shit.”

The corner of Brady’s mouth turns up even more. “Oh yes, I’m the sack of shit. I’m sure you’re just a barrel of fun.”

I dig my nails into the palm of my hand. “Stop it! This is serious!”

Axl swears and leans down next to me. “We got a group. Women, kids. We been on the road for weeks now. Just lost more people this mornin’. It’s rough out there, and we need a safe place real bad.”

Brady chews on his bottom lip while he studies Axl and me. “This group of yours, who would you say they identify with more? You three or him?” He jerks his head toward Angus.

“Us,” I say firmly, putting my hand on Axl’s knee.

Parvarti steps closer to my side. With the fierce expression on her face she reminds me of some kind of character in a video game. The unlikely heroine of the zombie apocalypse who saves humanity.

Brady nods slowly, looking us over again. “Far be it from me to deny anyone a safe place to live. I’d be more than happy to open my gates to you. It’ll be nice to have the company!” He grins like we’re going to a dinner party, not hiding from zombies.

“Thanks,” I mumble as I stand. This guy is different. I’m not sure how to take him. “How far away is your place? We have to get our people tomorrow. We walked a good fifteen miles today.”

“Not far. Ten minutes or so.” Brady grabs his backpack and slings it over his shoulder. “We should get going, though. It’s getting dark.”

Axl hasn’t said much, and he watches every move Brady makes. It doesn’t seem like he distrusts this guy, though. I think he’s just trying to figure him out. That makes two of us.

“Um…I’m Vivian. This is Parvarti, then you have Axl and his brother, Angus.”

“Angus and Axl.” Brady says the names like they taste funny. Then he shrugs. “So where are your people?”

Axl shakes his head as if he’s trying to clear it. “Post office, back in Millersville.”

“Post office? Why a post office?” Brady tilts his head and his eyebrow shoots up.

“Needed a secure place. One that would’ve been shut down by the government early on and wouldn’t be overrun with the dead or stink of rotted food. Post offices are secure. Just made sense.”

“Smart.” Brady frowns and looks over at Angus. “You sure you two are related?”

Parvarti snorts, and I almost laugh. He may be a bit different, but it might be a nice change to have this guy around after all. Comic relief. That’s something we could use more of for sure.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Angus spits at him.

Brady shrugs innocently, but his eyes sparkle. “Just curious, that’s all.”

Axl’s mouth twitches ever so slightly. “We got different dads.”

“Half-brothers. That explains it.” Brady’s eyes get big, and he elbows Axl in the hip. “Your dad must have been the smart one.”

Axl purses his lips, but the left side of his mouth pulls up even more than before. “Wouldn’t know.”

Angus starts walking, not even looking at Brady. Too bad he doesn’t have a clue where we’re going.

Brady heads the opposite direction, calling over his shoulder to Angus, “This way.”

12

SNOWFLAKES HAVE JUST BEGUN TO FALL when I stop in front of the sign that says, Whispering Woods Hot Springs: 1 mile. Almost there. I can’t believe we made it back.

“We should tear this down.” I kick the post, but it barely moves.

Jon runs his hand down his face, and for the first time I notice the gray streaks in his hair. Right above his ears and temples. They weren’t there when we first met, I’m sure of it. I always thought the concept of stress causing your hair to gray was an old wives’ tale, but I guess I was wrong. At this rate I’m going to be totally gray before my thirtieth birthday.

“Yeah, but we can deal with that later,” he says, blowing out a deep sigh. “I’m beat, and I know you have to be, too. Let’s just get back to camp and rest, maybe take a bath. We can worry about this in the morning. Who knows? Maybe the antibiotics have kicked in and Jake’s feeling better. Maybe everyone is getting ready to head out. They might just be waiting for us to come back.”

More than once we’ve discussed the possibility that Parv, Angus, and Darla never made it out of that town. Sure, they left us a message, but that doesn’t mean shit. They could have gotten picked off by those assholes after they left the pharmacy. Or they could have run into a horde. True, we haven’t seen a single zombie since we started walking, but we all know that doesn’t mean a thing. Sometimes they pop up out of nowhere after days of silence.

“Yeah,” I murmur.

We start walking again, and my legs are so heavy I find it hard to make them move, so I distract myself by counting down the seconds until we get to the hot spring. We can cover a mile in about twenty minutes, so that’s twelve hundred seconds. Two steps a second. That’s twenty-four hundred steps. It all seems a hell of a lot less daunting when I think about it that way.

When we get ready to round the last bend, my heart soars so high it feels like it’s reached the moon. Jon grins my way and I find myself returning it. It’s probably the first genuine smile I’ve given him since we met. If my legs didn’t weigh a thousand pounds each, I’d start running.

We turn the corner, and all the air leaves my lungs so fast I almost pass out. My legs stop moving at the exact second Jon’s do. It’s so sudden that anyone watching us would probably think we’d run into an invisible wall.

The Sam’s truck isn’t here.

“Where the hell is the truck?” Jon asks, his words so quiet they barely register with me.

“No,” I mumble, lurching forward a small step. Then the reality of the situation hits me so hard I feel like I’ve been shot and my body jerks back. “No!”

The scream rips its way out of me as I take off running. Jon’s footsteps pound against the pavement at my back, and my lungs are still burning from the lack of air, but a horde of zombies couldn’t stop me right now. It feels like the whole world is about to collapse, and I’m not even sure what I’m running to. It’s not like the truck is suddenly going to appear if I get there faster. It’s gone. There’s no other way to look at it.

I’m panting by the time I reach the entrance to the hot springs. Jon runs up behind me, and he’s breathing just as heavily. But the truck is still gone. I bend over and put my hands on my knees as I suck in a mouthful of air. Struggling to fill my lungs and calm my pounding heart. I don’t know what to do or what to say or where to go from here. It’s me and Jon, and the future feels so bleak and depressing that for a second I consider giving up. Laying down in the middle of the snow-dotted road until I’m covered in a blanket of white. I could drift off. Embrace the cold and let it take me away from the hell I’m trapped in. No one would blame me. I’ve suffered enough.

“Overrun?” Jon says, forcing me to look up.

He’s staring at the road, his eyebrows pulled down and a look of utter confusion on his face. That’s when I see it. The message scrawled across the road in orange spray paint.

H & J – Got overrun. Need fuel. Head back to the 1st town.

“What the hell does that mean?” Jon asks, still staring at the words.

My stomach jumps, and I have to fight back the urge to puke as I squeeze my eyes shut again and say a silent prayer everyone made it out okay. “A horde.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

When the nausea has passed—mostly—I open my eyes, but neither one of us moves. I don’t have the faintest clue what to do, and I doubt Jon does either. It’s getting dark, and what had started as a few flurries has slowly picked up. A steady stream of little white flakes now falls from the sky, and I know without a doubt it’s going to stick. The ground isn’t warm enough to melt it. Not with the constant temperature drop we’ve had. The other town was at least twenty miles from here, so there’s no way in hell we’ll be able to make it there tonight.

“We need to check it out,” Jon says.

“What?” I turn to face him, but he’s staring at the trail. Thinking about going down there makes my stomach lurch.

“The hot spring. I want to know what happened.”

Even though I’m not sure if I can face it, I nod slowly. Will we even be able to tell what happened? Do I want to know? I doubt it. Only, there isn’t anywhere else for us to go. We can’t stay here. Sleeping in one of those little changing houses may be our only option right now. As horrible as it sounds.

I allow Jon to take my hand as we head down the trail and into the forest. Before we’ve gone five steps I get a whiff of death, and the deeper we go the more intense the smell becomes, until I’m forced to pull my shirt up over my nose. Still, it penetrates the fabric and makes my stomach twist uncomfortably. Saliva fills my mouth, and I do my best to take deep, soothing breaths, hoping to ward off the nausea. The rank scent of decay is something I’ll never be able to get used to.

When the hot spring finally comes into view, my legs give out. I slump onto a boulder, staring at the carnage below us. There are bodies everywhere. Littering the stone floor, bobbing up and down in the water like dead fish. Piled in masses that ooze black blood.

It looks like a bomb went off.

“Shit,” Jon mutters. “There are so many of them.”

“There’s no way everyone made it out of this,” I say.

Jon exhales and starts walking again. I have to force my legs to cooperate so I can follow. They wobble when I go down the stairs, and my already uneasy stomach lurches from the smell. The stench is stronger than ever, and I’m not sure if it’s because there are so many dead piled together like this or if it has to do with my condition. I’ve heard pregnant women complain about their sense of smell being heightened.

We reach the bottom and pick our way through the carnage. The area where the tents had been set up is clear, but almost every other inch of the ground is covered in death of some kind. Bodies or blood or other parts I don’t even want to think about. Which one of our friends died here today?

“Damn.” Jon stops walking and points toward three piles of rocks.

My mind can’t register what I’m looking at, though. They’re just a bunch of stones piled on top of one another. Sure, they weren’t here before, but they don’t seem very significant to me. This whole area is covered in rocks.

“They’re graves,” Jon says when I don’t react.

It feels like a slap in the face.

Three of them.

I close my eyes when the world sways. The faces of our friends flash through my mind, and I start to shake. We’ve lost more people. But who? Vivian? Axl? Parv? Of course, we don’t even know if Parvarti made it back here. Maybe she’s gone too, along with Angus and Darla. Then there would be six dead instead of three. Six fewer people in our group. The losses just keep piling up, and with each person I’m forced to say goodbye to, I feel like the weight on my shoulders gets heavier. How will we be able to go on after this?

“Hey.” Jon grabs me and pulls me against him. His arms are warm and strong. Reassuring. “It will be okay. Just look on the bright side.”

“There’s a bright side?” I say, rubbing my face against his jacket to wipe away the tears that have spilled over. Crying seems pointless these days.

“Yeah. Parvarti, Angus, and Darla made it out of that town.”

I pull back and look up, holding his gaze. “How do you know?”

“The note on the street. It was addressed to me and you. That’s it. Which means they made it back before the rest of the group left.”

“Oh,” I say, letting out a sigh.

He’s right, but it doesn’t make me feel any better because it doesn’t mean they’re alive right now. They could have made it out of that town just to get killed here or after they left the hot spring. If not, they’ll die tomorrow or next week, or next month. I don’t know when it will happen for sure, but I know it’s going to. It’s just a fact of life now. We don’t get to live. We don’t get to start over from here. The world is gone and so are all the people we once knew and loved. Sure, we’ve made new friends, created a new family, but it’s only temporary. Soon we’ll lose them just like we’ve lost everything else in this world.

Snowflakes land on my face, leaving behind tiny drops of moisture. A strong wind sweeps over the hot spring, and the steam from the water warms it slightly before it gets to us. But it also brings a smell so revolting my stomach jumps to my throat. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to focus on something other than the smell. I breathe in through my mouth, hoping to avoid the stench, but then I can taste it. It’s thick and vile. Like eating rotten meat.

By the time the nausea has faded, I’m so beat I can hardly stand. I lean my head against Jon’s chest and close my eyes. “I’m tired.”

Jon’s arms wrap around me, and he kisses the top of my head. “Let’s lay down. We can talk about what to do next after we’ve gotten some rest.”

We huddle together in the small shelter, trying to keep warm. The wind howls, blowing so hard the walls around us shake. It’s even more frigid than it was when we settled in a few hours ago, and even though I’m exhausted, I can’t fall asleep. My teeth chatter so hard that it fills the air with a clicking sound, and every inch of my body is covered in goose bumps. Jon’s arms are wrapped around me, but I can’t stop shivering.

It’s going to be a long night.

“T-tell me ab-bout your w-wife,” I say, trying to scoot closer to his warm body. It’s impossible, though. If I got any closer we’d become one person.

“My wife?” he says uncertainly.

He lets out a deep breath when I nod, and for a second I wonder if he’s upset at me for asking. We’ve never spoken about her before, but I’ve been curious about her for a while. I know Jon how he is now, but I wonder what he was like before all this started. Who he married and if they were happy. What his hopes and dreams for the future were before the whole world went to shit.

“She was amazing,” Jon says, tightening his arms around me. “High maintenance and stubborn. Funny and intelligent. Beautiful and giving and loving. She was everything. And she was a phenomenal cook. Was going to culinary school when we got married. Then she got pregnant with Levi and she had to quit. She was so sick. One of those women who threw up four times a day the entire pregnancy. She swore she’d never have another baby, even after Levi was born.”

Levi. I hadn’t even known his son’s name before now, and hearing it causes tears to collect in my throat and pool in my eyes. I blink them away and swallow, but the raw ache in my throat doesn’t lessen.

“She wasn’t happy to be a mom?” I whisper.

“Oh no, she loved being a mom, but she said one was enough. She just couldn’t face going through that again. I always wanted another one, though.”

The tightening in my throat increases until I think it will close. He’s giving me the opportunity to tell him, but I can’t say the words yet. Can’t face the reality until I’ve given myself time to really let it sink in.

Even though I can’t see a thing through the thick darkness surrounding us, I twist my body until I’m facing Jon. “You’ve never told me her name,” I say. “I don’t think you’ve ever said it.”

“Oh. Carrie,” he whispers. “Her name was Carrie.”

“You don’t talk about them,” I say quietly.

Maybe he just wants to forget. Maybe I’m wrong for asking.

“No, I guess I don’t. After they died, Megan and I were just so focused on moving forward. On surviving. I don’t think we wanted to face the past and what we’d lost. She and Carrie had always been close, and when she died it was real hard on Megan.”

“And you.” I find his face in the dark and lay my palm against his cheek. He hasn’t had the chance to shave in a few days, and his skin feels like a wire brush against mine. But there’s something about it that’s nice.

“It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through.” He moves his face against my hand, and I can hear him swallow in the darkness. Like he’s trying to swallow down his own tears. “You know what’s haunted me the most, though? The thought that Levi turned. I left them in the bedroom, covered with a sheet. I couldn’t make myself go back to check on them after the dead started coming back, but for the first couple days that was all I could think about. Little Levi, turning into a zombie.” Jon’s voice catches, and he clears his throat. “He was only fourteen months old.”

I close my eyes when tears fill them, and one escapes. It’s so cold in the shelter it freezes before it’s halfway down my cheek.

I brush the icicle away and scoot closer to Jon. “I’m so sorry.”

He clears his throat again, but even when he talks his voice is husky. “Right now, I have to cling to the hope that there can be something else. You know? I’ll never stop loving Carrie, but I found you and that’s helped me move forward. It can be the same with Levi, I think. He’ll always be in my heart, but that doesn’t mean I can’t start over.”

I hate how much he’s begging me to tell him. Every word out of his mouth tonight sounds like a plea, and there’s a part of me that wants to get it out there. To put part of the burden on someone else’s shoulders. I’m not ready, though. There’s too much uncertainty. Not just with the baby, but with the world this baby is coming into. We don’t even know if he’ll make it past the first day.

“That’s something we haven’t even talked about,” I say. “What if babies aren’t immune?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, this virus is still in the air. It’s not like it disappeared. It killed eighty-five percent of the population. Does that mean a baby only has a fifteen percent chance of being immune when it’s born?”

Jon takes a deep breath, then slowly blows it out. “I guess it’d be different if both the parents are immune.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, take Nathan and Moira for example. They were both immune, and Liz ended up being immune too. Then there’s Winston. He was immune and so was Jessica, so she must have inherited whatever it was that made him immune to this thing. But his wife wasn’t, and neither was his son.”

“So his son inherited whatever it was that made his wife susceptible,” I whisper, nodding slowly.

“Exactly,” Jon says. “So, for someone like Sophia, her baby would have a fifty-fifty chance. But if both the parents were immune…”

“There’s a good chance the baby will be okay,” I say.

“Yeah.” His voice is so quiet it almost sounds like a breeze blowing through the shelter.

I can’t see him, but more than anything I wish I could. Maybe if I could look into his green eyes right now, I’d be able to say the words.

13

WE FOLLOW BRADY, AND LESS THAN five minutes into the walk a steady snow has started to fall. The wind is so sharp it cuts right through my clothes and my entire body feels like it’s coated in a layer of ice. I shiver, and Axl’s eyes dart toward me. He frowns, and I do my best to keep my face expressionless so he doesn’t worry. Above us, the sun has almost set, and the forest is covered in shadows. It makes me nervous, not knowing where we’re headed or if we can really trust the man in front of us.

“Almost there,” Brady calls over his shoulder.

He walks faster than I would have thought, and he hasn’t slowed his pace since we set out. He may be a bit different, but it’s easy to see how he’s made it this long. He’s determined and strong. It’s probably a result of having to work hard to prove himself his whole life.

When the neighborhood finally comes into view, Angus spits and shakes his head. “You see this shit?”

I blink, thinking it’s has to be a dream, but I can’t make myself talk so I can respond to Angus.

The fence surrounding the homes is at least nine feet tall and made of iron, with brick columns every six feet or so. It would be tough for anyone to climb and impossible to squeeze through—even for a child. The gate is also iron and was probably electric before, but now there’s a chain looped through it, secured with a lock. This place looks like it was designed to survive a zombie apocalypse.

“Damn,” Axl says. “This fence go all the way ‘round?”

Brady throws a grin our way. “It does.”

“How many houses did you say there were?” Parvarti asks, her eyes moving over the fence like she’s checking it for flaws.

“Twenty. And they’re all large, so there’s more than enough room for your people.”

Twenty houses and this guy is the only one left? My stomach tightens and I squint into the dark neighborhood, looking for signs of life or a trap or something. This can’t be right. All these houses and one man survived the virus? It makes me break out into a sweat despite the freezing temperature. Without thinking, my hand tightens on my knife. I don’t like this, and when my eyes meet Axl’s, I can tell I’m not the only one.

“You’re the only survivor?” I ask nervously.

“I am.” Brady doesn’t pause, and he doesn’t seem to sense the hesitation in my voice.

Good. I don’t want him to know I’m on to him just in case this isn’t what he says it is. We shouldn’t have told him where our people were. Not without coming here first. Not without finding out for sure this is safe. What if this is a trap? What if there are people lurking inside these fences, waiting to kill us? Then they’ll know exactly where to find our friends and the entire group will be taken totally by surprise. It will be our fault.

Brady stops outside the gate and reaches down his shirt, pulling out a chain that has a key looped through it. “I had a few neighbors who left to be with family when things got bad and a few more who are unaccounted for. I did find one woman whose husband had used her as a snack when he came back, and there was even one house at the end of the street where I found a couple who had committed suicide. Not sure if that was before or after the dead returned. I didn’t know them, so it’s hard to say.”

He doesn’t take his eyes off the gate while he talks, but my eyes never stop moving. Brady undoes the lock, then pulls the chain free. He doesn’t glance our way and he’s just as casual as he has been this whole time, but it doesn’t ease my worry.

When Brady pushes the gate open, he finally turns. He has a huge grin on his face as he sweeps his hand toward the entrance like he’s offering us a mansion in paradise. “Welcome!”

Angus grunts but walks through the gate. The rest of us are more hesitant as we step inside. My hand is still on my knife, and Axl has his gun drawn. Parvarti’s eyes sweep the area as she notches an arrow. It’s quiet, though. No lights on in any of the houses that we can see and no sound except the rustling of trees. The snow is so thick it would be easy for people to sneak up on us, though.

We stand shivering in the snow while Brady locks the gate. Angus is the only one who seems relaxed right now, but I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t suspect Brady of something or he’s confident we’d be able to take the smaller man on. Either way, I thought Angus was smarter than that.

“This way,” Brady says, taking off down the street.

We follow, keeping a good six feet back. The deeper we get into the neighborhood, the more jittery I become. But everything around us is still and quiet. We pass massive two-story homes that can’t be more than a few years old, but no one jumps out or shoots at us, and the farther we walk the more I’m able to relax. Maybe this guy is alright after all. Maybe he’s telling the truth. There’s a first time for everything.

Brady leads us to the fifth house, totally oblivious to the tension pulsing through the rest of us. When he opens the door without even having to unlock it, Axl’s body becomes visibly rigid. Still nothing happens.

Parvarti relaxes, then takes one final look over her shoulder before following Brady inside. Angus is behind her, calm and collected, leaving Axl and me on the doorstep. I hold my breath, waiting to see if something will happen, but the house stays silent.

Maybe Brady is exactly what he says he is?

“What do you think?” Axl asks, not looking my way. His gray eyes sweep the area, but even he seems less suspicious than a few seconds ago. More relaxed.

“Believe it or not, I think he may actually be a nice guy who wants to help.”

Axl grunts, reminding me of his brother, but he nods slowly. “Yeah. Weird.”

“There can still be nice people in this world. We’re here.”

He purses his lips, nodding, and finally his shoulders relax. Then he motions for me to go inside.

Brady arches an eyebrow when Axl and I step into the foyer, but we don’t acknowledge the look. His shoes are off, and Parvarti has already removed hers as well. Angus has his lips puckered up like he’s considering spitting in the man’s face, and he hasn’t moved to take off his boots. Thankfully, after a second he lets out a big sigh and follows Parvarti’s lead.

“Come on in,” Brady says, heading through the house and leaving the four of us in the poorly lit entryway. “Give me a second to get some lights on, then I can get the coffee going and we can talk.”

I only have one boot off when the light above us flicks on. It’s so sudden it startles me, and I almost fall over. Angus swears and Parvarti looks up, staring at the light like it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. Axl presses his lips together as his eyes dart around the now illuminated house. Still nothing moves.

Brady ducks his head out of the doorway to our right, grinning from ear to ear. “Coffee’s this way!”

“You have electricity,” I call out, yanking off my other boot.

“A generator,” Brady says, motioning for us to follow him. “I got one in town right after the power went out. Before the zombies. I only run it a few hours a day, though. Need to be careful since finding fuel for it has been getting harder. With winter coming, I need to think ahead.”

He disappears into the next room, but none of us moves.

Angus has his mouth hanging open as if he thinks the little guy might be a hallucination. “Holy shit. This guy for real?”

Axl’s studying the house like he’s trying to decide what to do. “He’s prepared, that’s for sure.”

“You still don’t trust him?” I ask.

“Look at this place. This guy. He’s different, but I don’t really think he’s got anybody hidden away ready to jump us. I’d like to think we can trust him, but you never know. Why’s he so willin’ to let us all come live here if he’s got all this? We’re just gonna use up his resources.”

“Because I’m not a fool,” Brady says from behind us. We all turn to find him standing in the doorway with his hands shoved in his pockets. He smiles and shrugs. “Please, come into the kitchen. Sit down and we’ll talk about all this. I promise you, I have no ulterior motives.”

Parvarti squints toward Brady, but she’s the first to follow. Angus goes next, shaking his head like he doesn’t understand what’s going on. I know the feeling. Then Axl takes my hand and pulls me forward, following his brother. The carpet is soft and thick under my feet. It’s a luxury I’d almost forgotten. Walking across soft carpet with no shoes on. We can’t afford to take shoes off when we stop to rest anymore. Not these days.

The kitchen is bright, with white cabinets and granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. Huge windows overlook the backyard, where there’s a nice deck and a pool. Even a hot tub. This guy had it all. Of course, now most of this is useless. Pointless. He seems to know it too.

Brady stands on a stool, getting mugs out of the cabinet, and Parvarti heads his way. Angus throws himself into a chair at the small kitchen table, and Axl and I follow.

“Can I help you with anything?” Parvarti says, stopping next to Brady.

He looks at her out of the corner of his eye before turning his body to face her. “Thank you. I have some powdered creamer in the cabinet over there if you want to get it.”

Parvarti moves to get the creamer without saying a word, and Brady watches her. His mouth turned down, his eyes on her every move. It makes me squirm until he looks my way. When my gaze meets his, the compassion in his eyes rings loud and clear. It’s almost like he knows what we’ve been through. What must we look like to give ourselves away so fast?

I glance down, taking in my appearance. My pants are ripped in several places and stained. Dark brown splotches that can only be one thing: dried blood. The blood of our friends. My acrylic nails have grown out and several have even broken off, leaving behind nails beds that look like someone has taken a cheese grater to them. The red has chipped off the few nails that are left, leaving only splotches of the polish behind.

My companions aren’t much better. Axl and Angus both have layers of dirt under their nails and holes in their clothes. Their skin is filthy, their faces streaked where sweat or snow has washed away the dirt. Parvarti moves like a ghost through the kitchen, and her expression is as hollow as a cave. We look worn and tattered. Almost beaten. It isn’t a stretch from how I feel either.

Once the coffee is poured and sitting in front of us, Brady pulls himself into the chair across from me. His eyes never stop moving over us, never stop taking us in. “I’ve been doing okay on my own, I’m not going to deny it. I know you probably look at me and see someone who is at a huge disadvantage, but that isn’t the case. I’m used to working hard and overcoming adversity. I’ll be honest, I’m certain I could last a long time on my own. The fact of the matter is this: I’m lonely.”

He takes a sip and lets that sink in. Axl hasn’t stopped pursing his lips and Angus glares at Brady every time their eyes meet. But Parvarti seems to be studying him just as much as he’s studying all of us.

“You got a good place here,” Axl says. “All this fenced in, we could work with it. Make it into somethin’ that would last us a long time. If we got ‘nough food and supplies to make it through the winter, when spring comes we could grow us some stuff to eat. But the first thing we gotta do is get our people and supplies.”

“How many people do you have in your group?” Brady asks.

It feels like they’re negotiating a merger or something, but Axl is right. We’ve hit a jackpot with this place, and we’d be stupid to walk away from it. Even if Brady is a little different.

“Sixteen,” Parvarti says.

I do the math in my head and realize she’s counting Jon and Hadley. Hopefully, she’s right.

“We got three kids and one pregnant woman,” Axl says.

Two, if Parvarti’s right and Hadley shows up, but Axl doesn’t know that. I’m not sure if I’m going to tell him.

Brady nods and takes another drink of his coffee. “So they’re in Millersville? Why were you there on foot?”

“We lost our only car. We got us a truck, but it ran outta gas. We’re gonna need a car first off, then fuel to fill up the truck. Then we can get our people and head back this way.”

“That’s not a problem. I have fuel and cars. If everything goes well, it shouldn’t take more than an hour to get to Millersville, get your friends, and make it back here.” Brady’s mouth twists into an ironic smile. “We all know how likely that is, though.”

“Which is why we gotta wait ‘til mornin’,” Axl says. “Don’t wanna run out there when it’s dark.”

“We can head out first thing in the morning, then. In the meantime, you all can sleep in warm beds. I have three bedrooms. Not sure how the sleeping arrangements are.” Brady looks back and forth between Parvarti and Angus, frowning like he’s trying to figure out if they fit together or not.

“Rambo can have the bed.” Angus nods his head toward Parvarti. “I wanna sleep on the couch. Keep watch.”

“No need to keep watch,” Brady says. “No zombies have gotten through that fence. I doubt they could.”

“It ain’t the zombies I’m keepin’ watch for,” Angus snaps.

Brady sets his mug down and gives Angus a confused look. “I’m sorry? Who are you looking for if not zombies?”

I can’t believe he hasn’t considered that someone passing by might decide they want this place. “People,” I say slowly, hoping it will sink in.

“You got a good thing here, an’ people are gonna decide they want it.” Axl leans across the table, closer to Brady. “A safe place is hard to come by, an’ here you got fences and houses. Even a generator. Anybody shady passes this place, an’ you could be in trouble. It’s somethin’ we gotta plan for.”

Brady exhales and sits back, his eyes wide. “I hadn’t thought of that, but I should have. What do you suggest?”

“Them fences are good, but we’d do better to put some barbed wire at the tops. Like they got in prisons.” Angus rubs his chin as he thinks, not glaring at Brady for the first time since we set foot in the house. “We gotta set up an emergency plan. Don’t wanna be caught with our pants ‘round our ankles like back in the shelter.”

“Shelter?” Brady asks.

“We had a good place when all this first started,” I say. “An underground fallout shelter in the Mojave Desert. It’s a long story that I really don’t want to get into right now, but basically some very evil men decided we didn’t deserve to live. They let zombies in, killed some of our people. Set fire on the lower level. It was bad.”

Brady lets out a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. “There are so many things I never thought about. I was focused on food and water, zombies. Not on people. I guess it’s a good thing I ran into you.”

“I ain’t gonna lie,” Axl says. “I doubt we’ll make it through winter without trouble.”

Brady exhales, and silence falls over the group. He seems to be thinking it all through. Maybe going over worst case scenarios. I hope he is, because we’re going to need him to be on board with all this if we want to survive.

The silence stretches out, and I before I know it I feel a yawn creeping up on me. I can’t hold it in, and even though I cover my mouth when it stretches wide, the gesture is catching. Parvarti yawns next, extending her arms above her head as she does it. Then Angus and Axl.

Brady is last, and he hops out of his chair before the yawn has even run its course. The second he’s done he says, “On that note, I think I’m going to show you to your rooms, then turn in. I had an exhausting day, and I’m sure you’d all like to get clean. I’ll keep the generator on for twenty more minutes so you have a chance to shower, but then you’ll have to rely on blankets to keep you warm.”

Brady turns to the living room, motioning for us to follow him, and I get to my feet at the same time Parvarti does. Axl stands too, but Angus doesn’t move.

“Gonna drink me some more coffee, then check out that couch.”

I head after Brady but stop in front of the fireplace in the little study off the kitchen. Staring up at the picture over the mantel. Brady is dressed in a gray tux, and the smiling woman at his side is wearing a white wedding dress. She’s pretty. Blonde, with hair piled on top of her head, and blue eyes. But she isn’t a dwarf.

“Kristine, my wife,” Brady says from behind me. He comes over to stand at my side, but doesn’t take his eyes off the picture. “She died fast. One day she was fine and we were talking about how the virus might just pass us by, then she woke with a fever. By the next morning she was gone. I sat by her bed for almost an entire day, trying to decide what to do with myself. By the time I decided to bury her and got the hole dug, she’d come back.”

“What did you do with her?” Parvarti asks, making me jump. I didn’t even know she was behind me.

“I put a bullet in her head, then buried her. I buried them all.”

I turn to face Brady, who’s still staring up at the picture of his wife. “What do you mean? Everyone who lived in this neighborhood?”

He rips his eyes away from the mantel, and they meet mine. “Yes. I told you I cleared the houses out. I couldn’t just leave the bodies. These were people. My neighbors. They deserved more respect than that. I started a cemetery on the east side, next to the fence. It gave me something to do. Something to focus on. Digging holes, then dragging bodies out of houses. A neighbor from down the street had one of those big lawnmowers with a trailer, and I used that to move the bodies to the graves. I even made markers for them. For the people whose names I knew, anyway.”

“That must have taken you a long time.” And more compassion than most people would have shown even before this all started.

“A little more than a week, working from sunup to sundown. It was a good outlet for my grief.”

He lets out a deep breath, then turns away from the picture of his wife. “Let me get you something to change into, then you can see about that shower.”

I close my eyes and lift my head, letting the warm water flow over my face like it has the ability to wash away all the painful memories. Brady will be turning the generator off soon, but I can’t force myself to get out. I feel like it’s the first time I’ve been really warm and clean in weeks, and I want to soak up as much of it as possible.

Axl, whose own shower was record fast, knocks against the glass. “Better get a move on if you wanna be able to see when you get dressed.”

He’s right.

I let out a deep sigh as I flick the shower off, then wrap a towel around my wet hair, inhaling the fresh scent of fabric softener. For a split second, life feels normal. Then I step out and face my reflection, and everything comes screaming back. I’m so thin my ribs poke through my skin, and the breasts I spent so much money on look freakishly big. Almost clownish. My hair has grown out, leaving behind roots that have to be two inches long. But it’s my eyes that really shock me. It’s like staring at a stranger. The terror and pain and confusion in them is startling compared to what was there before. I thought I’d faced the worst when I left California the first time. A mom who ran out on me and a dad who hit me just so he could make himself feel bigger. Now those things feel like comparing a paper cut to a limb being ripped off.

The lights flick off, and my reflection disappears. Part of me is glad, but another part of me is terrified by what I’ll find the next time I see myself. I feel like the old me is slowly wasting away, and the uncertainty of what will be left behind is so overwhelming it takes my breath away.

I fumble in the darkness, drying myself off, then getting dressed. When I go out into the other room, Axl is already curled up in bed. There’s a candle on the bedside table, but it doesn’t give off much light. It flickers across the dark room, creating shadows that are long and scary. Things that nightmares are made of.

Axl pulls the covers back and I climb in next to him, pulling myself close. The king-size bed is soft and warm, and the sheets smell just like the towel. So fresh and inviting it makes my chest ache.

“This is something I could get used to,” I whisper, resting my head on his firm chest.

Axl’s hand moves over my head, brushing my wet hair back out of my face. “Don’t wanna get too relaxed.”

“I know. It would be stupid to think that just because we have a roof over our heads, life will be easy now. But we can pretend. For tonight.”

I run my hands up his stomach, to his chest. Over the scar on his shoulder. When I reach his face, I pull myself up until my lips find his. He opens his mouth, and his tongue slides over mine. His hands move up my back, under the shirt Brady gave me to sleep in.

“Can we make this place work?” I say against his lips.

“We’re gonna try.”

He pushes his tongue deeper into my mouth, then pulls me closer. We kiss until I’m gasping for air, until the room feels like a sauna and our skin is moist with sweat. My mind buzzes from his nearness and the simple luxury of being in a real bed with him. Of facing the possibility of having a home and living in relative safety. Of starting something together that has more permanence than what we’ve been living the last few weeks.

“I love you,” I say against his mouth.

He pulls my shirt over my head and rolls me onto my back. “I love you.”

Then his mouth is back on mine and he moves his hands down my body, over my breasts and stomach. He pulls my underwear down, and I shimmy out of them. They get lost somewhere in the sheets, but I don’t care, because all I can focus on is getting his boxers off.

I pull him closer until he’s on top of me, and he eases between my legs. “You’re takin’ them pills?” he whispers.

It’s become part of our ritual, something he always asks me before we have sex. It’s never made me hesitate before. I always answer, then get right down to business. This time, however, it makes me freeze under him.

He pulls back, and his eyes meet mine. “What?”

“Shit.” I turn my head away and close my eyes.

“Vivian?”

“I have. I just—” The words get lost, and I roll out from under him. Pulling the blanket up to my chin. I’m shivering all over again.

Axl scoots up next to me and turns my head toward his. His eyes searching mine for answers. “What is it?”

“Hadley,” I whisper. “She’s pregnant.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

We lapse into silence, and all I can think about is Hadley. Whether or not she’s okay. Where she might be and if we’ll ever see her again. What she’ll do about the baby if she makes it back to us. What she’ll do about it if she doesn’t.

“Do you think she’s okay?” I say, staring into a dark corner of the room like I’m waiting for a monster to appear.

“I told you, I’d bet money on Hadley.”

“Money’s useless now.”

“Then I’d bet ammo. Fuel. Somethin’ like that. She’s a survivor.”

Axl pulls me against him, cradling me in his arms until I feel like I don’t have anything to worry about. Like there’s no danger in the world and no one will ever try to come and take this moment from us. It isn’t true, but I do my best to pretend it is.

“What would we do?” I whisper against his chest. “If I were to get pregnant.”

He lets out a long sigh, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Condoms and birth control pills aside, it’s always a possibility, and we know that. We’ve always known. But we’ve never talked about it. I never even let myself consider the possibility before I found that test. Now, it seems to be on my mind all the time.

“I know the world’s a mess an’ there ain’t a whole lot to hope for these days, but I wouldn’t be sorry. It’d be our baby. I love you, an’ havin’ a family with you couldn’t be a bad thing.”

“Wouldn’t you be scared?”

“Only of losin’ you.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and move my face up until we’re kissing again. It only takes a few seconds until we’re right back where we were, and this time I don’t stop him.

14

WHEN I OPEN MY EYES, the room is still cloaked in shadows. Light streams in through holes in the blinds, but it’s faint and golden-tinted. As usual, Axl is already gone. The once warm sheets now feel like ice, and the room is so cold I can see my breath when I exhale. When I crawl out of bed, I have to scurry for my clothes because I’m shivering within five seconds of my feet touching the floor.

I step out into the hall, and my stomach growls. The greasy scent of bacon drifts through the house, faint but still welcoming, and suddenly I feel like I’m facing a long-lost friend. The smell has to be my imagination, though. No way we got lucky enough to find a walled-in neighborhood and bacon.

In the kitchen, I find Brady standing on a stool, cooking eggs over a propane camp stove. The eggs are real, not the powdered ones we’ve been living on for the past few weeks. My stomach rumbles and my mouth fills with saliva, and I have to fight the urge to lick my lips. I never thought we’d have the luxury of scrambled eggs again.

“Where did you get eggs?” I ask, my feet moving closer to the heavenly smell on their own.

Brady looks up from the frying pan and smiles. “I had the good fortune of coming across some chickens a week ago. Had a hell of a time catching them, but it was worth it. I turned them loose in the neighbor’s garage. Figured they wouldn’t need it anymore.”

“I could kiss you,” I reply, returning his smile.

Brady’s grin grows wider as he turns back to the skillet, not saying anything.

“Them chickens is a good start,” Axl says, crossing the room with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He kisses me on the cheek, and I lean against him. I’m having a very Leave It to Beaver moment that does not fit with this reality at all.

“Be good to find some other animals too,” Angus practically yells from across the kitchen where he sits at the small dining table. “Cow would be good, or even a goat. Give us some milk.”

“I know of a few farms that aren’t too far from here,” Brady says. “Who knows what’s left, though. Even if there are still living animals, we’ll have to worry about getting them here. I had enough trouble with the chickens, I can’t imagine trying to wrangle goats.”

“You just let the grownups worry ‘bout that,” Angus mutters.

I roll my eyes as I pull away from Axl. I need coffee. “Parvarti still asleep?” I ask, looking around while pouring myself a cup from the waiting carafe.

“Rambo’s out shootin’,” Angus says. “Said to get her when we’re ready to go. She don’t want no breakfast, I guess.”

Brady turns the propane off and picks up the skillet, then skillfully climbs down from the stool. He divides the eggs evenly between four plates, right beside the two slices of bacon already laid out. It’s the pre-cooked kind, but I’m glad to have it. I’m thankful for anything we can get at this point.

“Dig in,” Brady says, waving his hand toward the eggs.

He doesn’t have to tell me twice.

When I take the first bite, I swear my knees almost give out. “I think this is the best thing I’ve ever tasted. Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Brady says, beaming at me from behind his own fork.

For about thirty seconds, the room is filled with nothing but the smell of food and the sounds of chewing, but it doesn’t last. As much as I’d love to relax and enjoy my food, we need to get down to business, and Axl isn’t going to let us forget.

“I wanna head out soon.”

“I’m assuming you’ll want a big vehicle?” Brady asks. “An SUV?”

“If you got it.” Axl chews slowly like he’s savoring it. I, on the other hand, am shoveling it in.

Brady nods, then shoves one final forkful of food into his mouth, chewing as he stacks the dirty dishes neatly in the sink. Once he’s swallowed, he says, “I have one that’s all gassed up.”

“Why the hell were you out on foot if you got a car?” Angus asks.

“Because I am more discreet and draw less attention when I’m on foot, and this area’s been quiet. I wanted to save the gas for winter. Hiking through snow isn’t my idea of a good time.” Brady rolls his eyes like all of this is obvious and Angus is a moron for not thinking of it.

Angus grunts and pushes the chair away from the table. “Let’s get a move on.”

We get a different view of the area on our way back to Millersville, but there still isn’t much around. Brady’s neighborhood seems to be the last one for miles. We pass a few houses set far back from the road and surrounded by lots of land, and a nursery that is now overrun with weeds, but mostly just empty fields. Everything is covered in a thin layer of snow. Less than an inch, but enough to let us know winter will be in full swing before we know it. We need to get settled, and soon.

What took us all day the first time takes less than fifteen minutes in the car. We roll into Millersville from the opposite direction than we did the first time, meaning we’re going to have to drive through it to get the Sam’s truck. Only the town looks a hell of a lot different than it did when we left—and it’s not just the snow.

Now, there are zombies everywhere.

“Shit,” Axl mutters, slowing the SUV to a stop and wringing the steering wheel as we all stare out at the mass of dead in front of us. “Them bastards weren’t here when we left.”

“They’ve been moving in groups,” Brady says from the backseat.

We’re about a block from the post office, and the street is so packed full of bodies that it’s going to be tough for us to get through in the SUV, let alone get everyone out of the post office. And we still have to get the Sam’s truck.

Axl swears when the zombies notice us and head our way, staggering through the snow. It may be my imagination, but they seem to be slower than before. Maybe we were right to come up here after all. Maybe the cold will help slow them down. Kill them even.

A girl can dream.

“There’s a hell of a lot of ‘em,” Axl mutters.

“‘Hell is empty and all the devils are here,’” Brady mumbles.

I twist my whole body around until I’m facing Brady. Angus is staring at the man like he’s lost his mind, and Parvarti—who sits in the middle—has a similar expression on her face. It’s the most emotion she’s shown in a while, but I can’t blame her. I have no clue where the hell that came from.

Brady’s eyes meet mine and he shrugs. “Shakespeare. Maybe something more upbeat would be better? ‘The path to paradise begins in hell.’” I blink and he shrugs again, then looks away. “I was a professor of literature for fifteen years. Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Unless you got a quote that’ll kill us some zombies, shut the fuck up,” Angus mutters.

“Both of you shut up,” Axl snaps. “I’m gonna drive through. We gotta get the Sam’s truck first anyways, so we might as well just go. Then we’re gonna hafta come up with a plan.”

He hits the gas before any of us can respond, and I turn back to face the front just as the SUV slams into the zombies blocking our way. The things go flying, knocking down some behind them. There are more, though. There are always more. Axl doesn’t ease off the gas, and I bounce in my seat as we roll over the bodies. Luckily, by the time we reach the other side of town the horde has thinned out. They run after us, but Axl is driving too fast for them. They’ll never be able to catch up. Not that it will help us later. We’re going to have to come back to get everyone, and then we’re going to be in trouble.

We find the Sam’s truck right where we left it, and Axl pulls to a stop behind it. No one has said a word since we left town. If they’re half as freaked out by the mass of bodies we just rolled through as I am, they probably don’t know what to say at this point.

“Let’s get her gassed up,” Angus says after a few seconds of silence, throwing the back door open. “Then we can get a plan together.”

Axl and Angus get busy lugging gas cans out of the back of the SUV while Parvarti and I keep watch. Just to make sure none of the zombies followed us out of town. It doesn’t take the men long, and in no time the truck is gassed up and ready to go. Then we all just kind of stand around, staring at each other. Waiting for someone to come up with an idea that won’t get one of us killed.

“We’re going to have to try and lead them away in the SUV,” Parvarti says quietly, her voice as emotionless as always. “It’s the only way.”

“Okay, but everyone in the post office needs to be ready for us,” I point out. “It’s not like we’re going to have a lot of time or anything. We need them to be at the door waiting when we pull that truck up, which means someone is going to have to go there on foot and let them know we’re on the way.”

No one talks as we let that sink in.

Angus spits, then takes a deep breath. “I’ll do it.”

He starts to move, but Axl grabs his arm. “Hell, no. There’s gotta be another way.”

“There ain’t an’ you know it.” Angus jerks his arm out of his brother’s grasp, then spits again. Looking us all over. “Who else is gonna do it? You gotta drive that truck an’ I know you ain’t gonna let Blondie outta your sight. Rambo is good with her bow, but that ain’t gonna do nobody no good up close. Then we’ve got this guy over here, who probably couldn’t outrun a snail with them little legs. It’s me or nothin’.”

Brady’s face scrunches up and I can sense a fight coming on, so I step between the two men. “Angus is right. I don’t have a problem being the one to do it, but we all know how that’s going to end. He really is our only option.” I glance toward Brady. “Sorry.”

He holds his hand up and steps back. “No need to apologize.”

Axl stares at the ground for a few seconds, then swears. When he looks up, his mouth is turned down so much the little scar on his chin is puckered up. “There ain’t another way?”

“There ain’t.” Angus heads for the back of the truck, and this time Axl doesn’t stop him. “I’m gonna need every long sleeve shirt we can find. And gloves. I wanna make sure them bastards can’t sink their teeth into me.”

Angus pulls himself inside, and Axl goes over to help. I lean against the truck and let out a sigh. Eventually I’ll get used to having to jump through hoops for everything we do. Right?

“Don’t look so worried,” Brady says. “If we’re lucky they’ll take one sniff and think he’s one of them.”

I snort and turn my head so I’m facing him, but I have to look down. It still amazes me how strong this man is. He should have been one of the first few people out. “Sorry Angus is such an ass. If it makes you feel any better, he’s an ass to pretty much everyone.”

Brady runs his hand through his shaggy hair, shaking his head. “Ah well, I figured it didn’t have that much to do with my size. I’m used to it, but with everything else going on, short jokes weren’t something I thought I’d have to worry about. Doesn’t matter. The way I see it, between the two of us we make a whole man.”

I shake my head so he knows I don’t have a clue what he’s talking about. Most of the stuff that comes out of Brady’s mouth goes right over my head. Ironically.

The corner of his mouth turns up. “You know, because I’m a half-man and he’s a half-wit.”

I laugh before I can stop myself, then clamp my hand over my mouth. It was too loud, but I couldn’t help it. Brady may have me confused half the time, but the other half I’m laughing. It’s nice to have something to laugh about, even if it is only Angus’s shortcomings.

“How long do we wait?” I ask, shuffling my feet through the snow.

My body is buzzing with nervous energy and I’m finding it difficult to stay still. Even the thought of losing Angus has me on edge, and it only has a little to do with how hard it would be on Axl. I guess I’ve come to actually like the guy? Hard to believe.

Angus pulls a third shirt over his head, then looks us over. “Dopey and Rambo will drop me at the edge of town, then I’ll cut down the back road. The one that comes right up behind the post office. If I’m lucky, there won’t be many back that way. You gotta give me time to get there, tell everybody what’s happenin’, and get our shit together.” He purses his lips as he jerks on a pair of leather gloves. “Twenty minutes oughta do it. Don’t wanna wait too long or the ones that follow these guys outta town might get bored an’ come back.”

“I’m gonna back that truck up to the post office door,” Axl says. “It’ll be open and we’ll do our best to hold ‘em off, but you gotta get outta there fast.”

“Don’t you worry ‘bout me.” Angus slaps Axl on the shoulder and turns to Parvarti. He doesn’t even acknowledge Brady. “You drive through town real slow, an’ be sure you honk that horn. Get them bastards movin’ away from the post office.”

“We’ll take care of it,” Parvarti says, nodding.

Brady is wringing his hands, and his eyes are wide. He can’t seem to hold still either, like he’s full of nervous energy. I can’t help wondering if this is the first time he’s ever faced a big group like this. He’s been hiding behind that fence, which has kept him alive, but he hasn’t had to fight to live yet.

“We’ll see you on the other side of town,” Brady says, looking at Axl, then me. “Be careful.” He gives us a stiff nod, then heads to the SUV.

Parvarti climbs in the driver’s seat, and Angus in the back. My whole body is tense as I watch them drive away. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to the fact that every time someone leaves I may never see them alive again.

Axl puts his arm around me. “We just gotta get everybody back to Brady’s house, then we’ll be safe. For real this time.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know. There’s no guarantee Brady’s place is safe. Look at what happened with the shelter. That was out in the middle of nowhere and built specifically for a post-apocalyptic world. Lot of good that did us.”

I don’t mean for the words to come out as bitter as they do, but Axl barely reacts. He gives me a brief squeeze, then his arm falls away and he heads for the truck. I’m left feeling cold and alone, and there’s a sadness in me that I haven’t felt since Emily died. It probably has to do with Hadley.

Dammit, Hadley. Why the hell did you have to go and disappear?

I exhale as much of the tension as I can, then jog to the truck, pulling myself into the cab where Axl is already sitting. Waiting for me.

“What about Hadley and Jon?” I ask as I slam the door shut. “We left that note for them at the hot spring. They’re going to come here looking for us. We have to warn them or tell them where to go or something.”

Axl exhales slowly. “What’re we gonna tell them? If we leave an address on the road, somebody might see it an’ come lookin’ for us. What if they ain’t friendly?”

He’s right. Dammit.

Axl twists in the seat until he’s facing me, and his gray eyes search mine. I reach out and touch the little scar on his chin. It may hold bad memories for him, but I love this scar. It reminds me of him. How he’s been beaten and bruised, but he’s healed. He’s stronger now than he ever was before all this started.

“We gotta consider that they didn’t make it.”

“Don’t say that, Axl. You yourself said she was a fighter.”

“I know, but we gotta be real ‘bout this.”

“But we can’t just walk away,” I whisper. “Not when there could be a chance.”

Axl nods, then turns back to face the front. He puts the truck in gear and eases it into reverse. “We’ll try an’ leave ‘em a trail to follow. That’s ‘bout all we can do.”

I squeeze my eyes shut as he backs the truck out of the forest. “Thank you.”

When the truck is on the road, Axl puts it in park and leans down. He digs under the seat until he finds a can of spray paint, then shoves the door open and hops out. The ground is covered in snow, so there’s no way he’ll be able to leave a message on the road. I scoot over so I can see what he’s doing through the driver’s side window and watch him spray an orange arrow on a tree.

It’s pointing toward the town.

He climbs back in and kicks his feet so the snow falls off, then tosses the can on the seat next to me.

“What are you doing? You’re leading them into town. It’s overrun!”

“We got no other option. We’re gonna hafta leave arrows for them an’ hope they can make it through.” He puts the truck into gear. “I’m sorry.”

I sit back against the seat, suddenly feeling defeated and lost. “You’re right. I know you are.”

Doesn’t mean I don’t feel like shit about the whole thing.

I load guns and organize weapons as Axl drives toward town. The tracks the SUV left in the snow are distorted thanks to the dozens of bodies that staggered after it. Not all of the zombies took the bait, though. There are still plenty left roaming the main street when we roll in.

“You ready?” Axl asks.

I nod as I roll down my window, then climb up so the top half my body is hanging out. It reminds me of San Francisco, back when all this first started. I hung out of the window like this when we saved Mitchell from a horde. He was supposed to be the answer to our prayers. Things didn’t turn out exactly the way we’d hoped they would, though.

“Should I start shooting them now?” I yell down to Axl.

“Might as well. They already know we’re here.”

Good point.

I aim for the skull of the body closest to the post office and squeeze the trigger. The gunshot echoes through the air, and the monster’s head pops like a balloon. Black ooze sprays everywhere, but I don’t look at it long enough for it to really affect me. Instead, I turn and focus on the next one. A putrid thing that doesn’t even look like it should be able to stand, let alone walk. His movements are jerky and so slow it barely feels like I’m aiming at a moving target. I pull the trigger and he goes down, so I move on to the next one. Five are on the ground before Axl slows to a stop.

“Backing up!” he yells. “Hold on.”

I grip the top of the truck as he eases the thing back, getting as close to the post office as he can. Bodies move toward us, groaning like every move they make hurts. There are at least two dozen of them. So many we could easily lose a couple people if we’re not careful. I don’t want to lose anyone else. Not today.

Axl puts the truck in park and I pull myself out of the window, then scramble through the ice and snow onto the roof. I can hear him swearing at me from out here, but I don’t care. I want to be sure I have a good vantage point to take these bastards out.

I pull the trigger and another gunshot echoes through the air. Behind me, the post office door flies open and Angus starts screaming for people to move. Axl shoots from his side of the truck as people rush out of the building at our backs, but no matter how many zombies we take out, more come. Dozens of them, pouring out from between houses and alleys, hurrying toward the sound of gunfire.

“Angus!” I scream. “We have to move!”

“Almost done!” he yells back.

I fire again, then twist to the side, hoping to get a glimpse of what’s going on at the back of the truck so I can get an idea of how soon we’ll be ready to leave. But the sight of the horde coming down the street toward us makes me freeze. There are so many. It’s like all the zombies that followed the SUV are coming back, and they’ve brought friends.

“Axl!” I scream as I turn and slide down the front of the truck, over the windshield and hood.

My feet hit the ground, and I stumble through the snow, almost falling. Somehow, I manage to keep myself upright. A zombie lurches toward me, but I kick him away. He falls back and slams into the bodies behind him as I rush around the side of the truck to Axl, my feet slipping on the icy ground.

“They’re coming!” I yell.

Axl hangs half out of his window, and when I point down the street he has to pull himself up so he can get a good look. His face gets whiter than the snow. He pulls himself back inside, then shoves the door open and slides out, dropping to the ground next to me.

“Get in!” he screams, pushing me toward the truck.

He takes off toward the back as more zombies head our way. I ignore him and hold my ground, firing into the advancing dead. My gun clicks and I drop the clip, then slam in another. My hands shake from the cold and the tension, and my face is covered in sweat. I fire again and again and again, and heads explode. Zombies scream and fall and stumble toward us, cutting through the black-splattered snow. No matter how many fall, it isn’t enough. There are so many it makes my head spin.

“Axl!”

The door slams at the back of the truck, but I can’t look away for even a second to see what’s going on. Someone else fires, and footsteps pound toward me. I squeeze the trigger again, my arms aching from holding them up. But I can’t stop. Can’t move.

Axl runs up beside me and shoves me toward the truck. “Inside!”

I don’t ignore him this time. I pull myself in and slide across the seat, and he climbs in after me. I’m breathing so hard I’m on the verge of hyperventilating. The passenger window is still down, and I move to roll it up as Axl throws the truck into gear. The wheels spin on the icy street before lurching forward, and I’m tossed away from the window. I have to pull myself across the seat so I can get back to it and roll the thing up.

It’s still half down when a zombie climbs onto the side of the truck. He shoves his rotten face through the opening and screams, then gropes at me. I lean back and slam my foot into his face. My heel squishes into his nose, spraying black blood everywhere, and he moans but doesn’t let go. I kick harder as black ooze splatters the inside of the cab. He screams and I kick harder, over and over, and by the time he finally falls, the inside of the truck is covered with black goo and smells like a rotting corpse.

“Hold on!” Axl yells.

I roll the window up the rest of the way and jerk my seatbelt on just as Axl stomps down on the gas. The truck’s engine roars like a lion, and I’m slammed back in my seat as we speed down the road. The horde in front of us is so massive it looks like a wall. We crash into it, and bodies go flying. They smash against the windshield and hood. The side view mirror is ripped off. The window next to Axl shatters, raining glass down on him. He doesn’t slow for even a second.

By the time we make it out of town, the front of the truck is splattered with black goo, the windshield is cracked, and driver’s side window is gone completely. But we’re alive.

“Tell me everyone made it out,” I say, gripping my seat for dear life.

Axl’s hands tighten on the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white. He doesn’t look away from the road. “We got everybody.”

Thank God.

The SUV comes into view less than two miles outside town. Parvarti stands next to the driver’s side with her arms crossed, leaning against the door like she doesn’t have a care in the world, but Brady is pacing through the snow. He stops when we get close, and a relieved smile spreads across his face. Axl pulls up alongside them, and he barely has the truck in park when I have the door shoved open.

“You made it,” Brady says, the words coming out like a sigh of relief.

I hop down and let out a deep breath, but my shoulders are still tense. “Yeah. It was pretty bad, but we all made it.”

Parvarti nods when our eyes meet, but other than that there’s no indication that she’s happy about getting our friends out. She’s become so hardened. Cold and distant, even. She’s an asset to the group when it comes to defending camp and pitching in, but I’m not sure if she has any real desire to live. It almost feels like she’s just biding her time until it’s her turn to die, not trying to keep going.

I turn away from her when my insides constrict painfully, unable to think about losing Parvarti. We’ve been together since the beginning. I’m just not sure I could take a loss like that.

“I want to say hi to everyone, then we can move on.” I jerk my head to the back of the truck, and Brady nods.

Axl is already back there, and he’s just shoved the door open when I round the back of the truck. Light floods into the Sam’s truck and someone yelps, but no one moves. They all look shell-shocked.

When I pull myself inside, Al and Lila are the first people I come to. Something about the strained expressions on their faces makes me stop. No one has said a word, and it has me on edge. I feel like we missed something bad.

“How are you guys doing?”

Al shakes his head, and Lila turns her face into his chest, her shoulders shaking slightly. “Jake didn’t make it.”

My whole body jerks from the impact of his words. I shake my head as my eyes fill with tears. I can’t believe it. “What? No.”

This wasn’t supposed to be what happened. We weren’t supposed to lose children like this. Not from something so small. Not when there are so many horrible things we could encounter. Plus, Axl told me everyone made it! He lied to me, which makes this all so much worse to take in. Maybe he was just trying to cushion the blow, but I hate that he couldn’t be honest with me. That he gave me hope when there wasn’t any.

But isn’t that what we do every day? Cling to hope that doesn’t really exist just so we can make it through a few more hours.

Axl comes up beside me just as I turn away from the teens. His hand slides across my back, and even though his lie hurt me, I lean into him. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I search the darkness for Anne and find her curled up next to Joshua. Her face is so distorted with grief I almost don’t recognize her, and Joshua isn’t much better. The world has ended for them all over again. But…there’s something else there too, something I hadn’t noticed until now. The way Joshua’s hand strokes her head, and the way Anne’s arms are wrapped around his waist. There’s a closeness I didn’t notice until now.

“Shoulda told you,” Axl says, drawing my attention away from Anne and Joshua’s intimate moment.

I turn my face into his chest, wiping my tears on his shirt. Inhaling the scent of dirt and fresh air and outdoors that is so Axl. “I wish you had.”

Angus clears his throat, and I look up to find him cozied up to Darla. After the loss of Jake, I can’t even be bitter about it. We need to cling to happiness as hard as we can every second of every day because the end could come at any moment. There’s nothing safe anymore. Nothing sure or perfect. All of those things were lost when the world ended.

“We gonna head out or what?” Angus asks.

Axl nods and moves to the back of the truck, his arm still wrapped around me. Holding me tighter than he’s ever held me before. I can feel Jake’s loss in every breath my friends let out, and at this moment, I’m not sure how we’re ever going to be able to recover from what was taken from us today.

15

WHEN WE STEP OUT OF THE shelter in the morning, there’s almost an inch of snow on the ground. I hate snow. It’s one of the reasons I was glad to leave Ohio. But one good thing about it is it’s helped mask the stench. The overwhelming smell of rot that floated over the hot spring yesterday is more subtle than it was before we went to sleep. It’s still there—thanks to the heat rising from the water in front of us—but it’s nothing like it was. Maybe winter is a good thing. Maybe it will slow these hideous creatures down or even kill them. Then we’ll be able to start over for real. For good.

“Millersville,” Jon says when we reach the road and start walking. “That was the name of the town, right?”

“Yeah.” I pull my pack up higher and roll my shoulders. Every inch of my body aches from sleeping upright in that shelter. “It was twenty miles or so, which will take at least seven hours on foot.”

Jon exhales, and we both watch as his breath is carried away by the wind. “Let me know if you need a break, okay?”

I turn to look at him, but he’s staring straight ahead. It’s tough to get a read on him when he won’t meet my gaze, but the softness in his voice is unmistakable. He thinks he loves me, so I shouldn’t be surprised.

“I will,” I whisper, my eyes locked on his face.

Jon nods, and we walk in silence for a bit before falling into a nice pattern. Walking and talking. Revisiting our childhoods and teen years. Sharing the lives that now feel like a dream. Getting to know one another in a way we’ve never bothered to. I don’t even know why we never talked like this before now. Every word out of Jon’s mouth helps me see him in a new light, helps me understand the man he is and the man he used to be. Helps ease my perception of him.

“What made you move to Hollywood?” Jon asks.

We’ve been walking for what feels like days but has probably only been three hours or so, and I’ve already told him all about growing up in Ohio. About my parents and brother and the people I loved back in my small hometown. I guess my fame is the next logical topic.

“I was one of those kids. The one all the teachers and kids at school loved. The one who always had to be the center of attention. Everyone flocked to me, and all I heard my whole life was how great I was. How pretty and talented and smart. Having people tell me I should be an actress or a model became a normal thing, and I heard it so much that I started to believe it.” I pause and look at Jon, shrugging while I roll my eyes. He’s hanging on my every word, staring at me like I’m spouting the most unique and beautiful poem he’s ever heard. “Being adored is addictive, and I started to believe I deserved it. That people owed it to me. I couldn’t see my future as anything else.”

“Well, you got what you wanted,” he says, giving me an adorable grin.

When I laugh, the sound feels foreign on my lips. Wrong almost. But it’s genuine. “Eventually, yes. But there were a couple hard years where I felt like I couldn’t catch a break. No one would give me the time of day. When I auditioned for Zombie World, I actually went in for a small part. The casting director saw something in me and offered me the lead.”

“And the rest is history,” Jon says.

I laugh again. “In so many ways.”

We laugh together, and it’s nice. Relaxing and friendly.

Jon shakes his head and looks away from me, his eyes turning toward the road, then down. The smile melts off his lips. I follow his gaze and my heart stutters, almost stopping, then jumps into a rhythm much faster than normal. The snow covering the street in front of us has been disturbed. Long lines cut through the white dust, coming out of the woods to our left and continuing down the road. As if dozens of bodies staggered this way.

“The tracks are recent,” Jon says. “They haven’t been disturbed, and the wind hasn’t blown them away.”

“When?” I ask, trying to hold the panic in. It isn’t easy to remain calm, not when our friends are somewhere at the end of this road. Possibly in danger. “How long ago?”

Jon runs his hand down his face. “It’s hard to tell.”

I start walking faster. “We have to move!”

“What exactly do you think we can do about this?” Jon asks, jogging to catch up with me.

It’s irrational and I know it, but I can’t make myself stop. “I don’t know!” I call, pumping my legs faster. “I just know I have to get there. I have to know what happened. If everyone is okay.”

Jon nods, and we fall silent as we jog down the street. My calves ache and my body is heavy with exhaustion, and I have no idea how long I’m going to be able to keep this pace, but I know I have to try. That group is all we have left. Maybe all we’ll ever have.

I’m huffing when I see movement out of the corner of my eye. My feet slide across the icy road as I twist to see what it is, and my body slams into Jon. He reaches out to steady me, but I jerk away when a zombie breaks through the trees. Charging toward us.

“Shit!” I scream, trying to shove Jon’s hands away from me as I raise my gun.

“Hadley!” he calls, yanking me behind him, putting his body between me and the zombie.

He raises his gun, his arm steady as he takes aim. A split second later a gunshot echoes through the sky. The top of the zombie’s head is ripped away, and black goo rains down, sprinkling the white snow at our feet. The thing drops to the ground, but I’ve barely let out a sigh of relief when more pour out of the woods behind him. Staggering our way with their arms raised. Their snarls and grunts making every hair on my flesh stand at attention. The creatures’ putrid skin is coated in a layer of ice, and the black goo that usually pours from their bodies has frozen to their skin.

“Dammit,” Jon calls, aiming for another zombie as he walks backward, trying to keep me behind him.

I shove Jon’s hand out of my way and step forward so I can get a good shot. They may be moving slower than before, but there are still too many for him to take care of on his own.

“I’ve got the ones on the left!” I call, squeezing my trigger.

The zombie jerks back when my bullet enters his temple. He drops to the ground, and the one next to him follows when Jon pulls the trigger. We take aim again, and gunshots ring through the air as together we fire into the horde. I get one in the neck, and he goes down less than a foot in front of me. My bullet doesn’t stop him for long, though. The bastard drags himself forward just enough to get a good grip on my ankle. He pulls, and my feet slide out from under me. When I throw my hands back to brace myself, my gun drops into the snow. My body slams into the icy ground, and pain radiates through my elbows and ass, forcing a scream out of me.

“Shit!” Jon looks back and forth between me and the charging zombie as he fires, “Hadley, hold on!” He shoots the final zombie still standing, then rushes my way.

Jon may be three feet from me, but it feels like there are miles of space between us as I kick at the zombie’s face and scramble for my knife. My heel makes contact with the thing’s chin, and the sickening sound of breaking bone cuts through the chaos when his jaw snaps. The dead man still doesn’t release my ankle.

Jon grabs the thing’s tattered shirt and yanks him off me. The zombie flies back, landing on top of the bodies already piled on the road. He moans and tries to pull himself back up, but Jon is too fast. He raises his gun, pulls the trigger, and blows the zombie’s head off.

I’m still on the ground trying to catch my breath when Jon turns to face me. “Are you okay?”

I’m shaking when I pull myself to my feet, but I manage to get out a nod. My pants are coated in snow and my legs are covered in goose bumps, and I’m positive that pretty soon I’ll be shivering. But I’m alive.

“I’m okay,” I say. “Thank you.”

Jon swallows as his green eyes hold mine.

I hope our baby has his eyes.

The thought pops into my brain so suddenly it makes my head spin. It’s ridiculous, of course. I don’t even know if this baby is his. Still, the desire is there. To see a little version of Jon toddle around while I watch. With Jon at my side.

What a load of bullshit.

I tear my eyes away from Jon’s as the unsettling ache in my chest gets so intense it makes breathing hurt. “They look frozen.” I kick one of the bodies with the toe of my boot, and I swear its skin crunches. “It’s like they’re covered in ice.”

“It seems to be masking the smell, which is probably why they caught us off guard,” Jon says. “Slowed them down a little, too.”

“You think it will kill them?” For once, I’m the one asking him questions, and the look he shoots my way tells me the novelty isn’t lost on him.

“We can only hope.”

It’s impossible to say exactly how long we’ve been walking since I threw my watch out weeks ago, but it feels like it’s been days by the time we see the first sign for Millersville.

“One more mile,” Jon says. “Can you make it?”

“Do I have a choice?” I reply, the words coming out like a sigh.

He grabs my hand, giving it a little squeeze. “Come on. We can do it together.”

Something about those words makes my throat tighten until it feels like it’s going to close. I squeeze his hand in return and focus on putting one foot in front of the other. My calves throb, and there’s a part of me that wants to collapse right here in the middle of the road. Now that we’re close, I’m not sure I want to know what happened to our friends.

The tracks we’ve been following for the last few hours become obscured by different ones. Bigger ones that roll over the staggered footprints like they’re trying to crush the pack of zombies that dragged their way down this road.

Jon stops and kicks the snow next to the tire track. “Looks like a big truck.”

My heart goes into a thump, thump, thump rhythm that reminds me of a drum. “The Sam’s truck?”

He shrugs, but his eyes light up when he says, “Could be.”

We pick up the pace again, jogging as fast as our worn-out bodies will let us. My breathing is shallow and uneven and my legs heavy, but I want to get there as fast as I can. To find out if our friends are dead or alive.

When the first few houses come into view, there’s nothing happy about the sight. The streets are so clogged with zombies that it makes my knees weaken.

Jon swears as he pulls me off the road toward the woods. I stumble down the slight incline, tripping over my own feet as I attempt to find level ground through the thick layer of snow. We duck into the forest and don’t stop moving until we’re about fifteen feet in. Jon doesn’t let go of my hand and he doesn’t stop pulling, but he’s there to keep me from falling when my feet trip over branches and rocks that are too covered to see.

“Now what?” I ask when we finally come to rest behind a small group of trees.

Jon rubs his eyes and shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“They can’t be there, can they? Not with a horde that big.”

“If they are, they’re trapped.”

Trapped. I hate thinking our friends are stuffed into a building with no way to escape, but I also don’t think there’s much Jon and I can do about it. We’re only two people. We don’t stand a chance against a horde that big.

“Can we do anything?” I ask anyway.

Jon slumps against a tree trunk and stares at the ground. “I don’t know what to do, Hadley. You know going in there is going to be a huge risk, but we don’t have anywhere else to go.”

He’s right. It’s late afternoon, and we’ve reached the point where we need to start thinking about shelter. It’s too cold to sleep on the side of the road, even if it was safe. Which is isn’t.

“We can try to get into the first house. It looks like the zombies are the thickest in the center of town. Maybe if we hang out for a night, they will have thinned out by the morning. If we’re quiet, the dead may not even notice us.”

Jon nods, even though he looks like he thinks it’s a phenomenally bad idea. “I don’t see any other way. We’ll freeze if we stay out here overnight, and by the looks of those clouds, I wouldn’t be surprised if we get more snow.”

I turn my face toward the gray, puffy clouds floating above us. They look menacing, and if this were summer or fall or spring, I’d assume a big storm was rolling in. But it’s winter, and it’s way too cold for rain.

“Then let’s do it. No point in waiting.”

We stick to the woods, picking our way through the trees and bushes and fallen branches as quietly as possible. Within five minutes the trees have started to thin, and a few minutes later we catch sight of the first house. We’re at the back, and the yard is surrounded by a rusty, metal chain link fence. Climbing that thing isn’t going to be quiet.

Jon stops at the edge of the trees and crouches down, pulling me with him.

“Think we can make it in through the back?” I whisper.

Jon nods as he leans forward, looking around for any sign of the dead. “It’s clear back here. I don’t know why, but they seem to be sticking to the main road.”

“Well, that’s good news for us.”

“Yeah. You go first. Climb the fence as quietly as possible, and I’ll be right behind you.”

I nod and, without hesitating, scramble out of the woods toward the yard. The fence only goes up to the middle of my stomach, but I’m still going to need to climb it to get over. I tuck my gun in my belt when I reach the thing and grab the top. The toes of my boots barely fit in the holes, but I manage to get a good enough footing to pull myself up. The whole thing shakes, and my heart pounds when the links clatter against the metal poles. I don’t even pause to look around, though. I throw one leg over, then the other, and once I’m on top, I jump off the fence and into the yard.

The newly fallen snow puffs up around me as I stumble forward, nearly falling on my face, but I manage to keep myself upright by continuing forward. When I reach the back door, I take a quick look over my shoulder to make sure Jon is right behind me. He’s halfway over the fence, and still none of the dead are in sight. We might end up being okay.

I turn back to the house to find the door already open. Just a crack, but it’s enough to have me on edge. I duck to the side and pull my gun while I wait for Jon to catch up.

“What is it?” he asks when he runs up beside me.

I tilt my head toward the door, and he pulls his knife. Good idea. Guns will be too loud. A knife is what we need right now.

“Ready?” he whispers, waiting for me to switch weapons.

I nod, and when he pushes the door open, my whole body goes rigid. We wait a few seconds, listening for any noise. Something moves inside, but it’s impossible to tell what it is or what it’s doing or if it’s dangerous.

“Let’s go,” Jon whispers, “Nice and slow.”

“Got it.”

He eases inside, and I’m right on his heels. The air is stuffy and thick with dust but no scent of death, which is a good sign. Plus, the house feels so empty it reminds me of a cave. After only two steps, another sound cuts through the silence. Once again, it’s impossible to tell what it is, but for some reason it reminds me of pans clanging together.

We pass a small laundry room before stepping quietly into the kitchen, where we both freeze. Someone is crouched down in front of us, digging through the cabinets. They don’t turn, so whoever it is obviously didn’t hear us come in. They’re wearing a big Army-green parka with the hood up, making it impossible to figure out their size or age or even their sex. The unknown has me so tense I feel like my muscles are coated in a layer of glue.

Jon digs his teeth into his lip like he isn’t sure what to do. The person moves but doesn’t get up, and Jon steps in front of me. He puts his knife away, then pulls out his gun. When he aims it at the person I grab his arm, but he brushes me off. What the hell is he doing?

Jon clears his throat, and the person’s body goes stiff.

“I have a gun aimed at you,” he says, his voice low and hard. Reminding me of the man who captured me in Vegas not that long ago. “Don’t make any sudden movements. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if I feel like you’re a threat. Stand up real slow, then turn around with your arms raised. Don’t reach for a weapon.”

The person doesn’t respond. Their hands go up as they stand, then slowly turn to face us.

It’s a girl. A teenager. She can’t be more than seventeen, and she’s small. Shorter than me and just as skinny. Her blue eyes look huge in her thin face, and her pale skin is covered in freckles. I can only see a few strands of hair sticking out from the hood of the parka, but it looks red. Carrot red.

“Please don’t hurt me,” she whispers, her bottom lip trembling slightly with the words.

Jon’s shoulders relax, and he lowers his gun. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

The girl doesn’t put her hands down, and her wide eyes go back and forth between Jon and me like she’s waiting for one of us to attack her.

“You’re okay,” I say, stepping around Jon with my hands up. Trying to calm her. “We had to take precautions, that’s all. You can put your hands down.”

She lowers her arms to her sides but doesn’t move. Like she’s afraid we’ll change our minds and shoot her if she starts walking.

“What’s your name?” Jon asks, sticking his gun in the waistband of his pants.

“Gretchen.”

“I’m Jon and this is Hadley.”

The girl’s eyes move over Jon, then go to me. They narrow on my face. “You’re Hadley Lucas.”

My entire body jerks back. Being recognized after everything that’s happened feels weird and wrong and so out of place I can’t even wrap my brain around it. Most of the time I don’t even feel like I’m that person anymore.

“I am,” I say after a pause so long it makes Gretchen shuffle her feet.

“What are you doing here?” she asks.

“Surviving. Same as you.”

She shakes her head, and her body slumps against the counter. The parka looks like it was made for a full-grown man, not this waif in front of me. It swallows her, somehow making her seem smaller and younger than she is. Like she’s playing dress up in her dad’s clothes.

“Somehow, I thought people like you would have been spared from all this,” she says, staring at the ground. “I don’t know why, really. It doesn’t make much sense, but it’s how I’ve pictured things. That somewhere there was a group of rich people who managed to buy their way out of this disaster.”

I wonder if she has any idea how much that statement gives away about her.

“Where are you from, Gretchen?” Jon asks.

She shrugs, still staring at the floor. “Around. I never really had a home.”

“So you were in foster care?” I ask, trying to size her up. It’s obvious she had it rough even before all this. That she resented wealthy people or someone very close to her did. She was taught people with money had everything handed to them. That they didn’t have any real problems.

Gretchen shakes her head and finally pulls the hood down so we can get a good look at her. Now that it’s away from her face, I can see exactly how pretty she is. There’s a freshness about her you can’t fake. Especially these days.

“My family moved around a lot. We lived down south in Alabama, then moved to Wyoming for a while. My dad had a tough time keeping work, and every time things went bad he wanted to pack up and move. He always blamed his problems on the people he worked for. Couldn’t take responsibility for anything.” She shrugs like she wants us to know she thinks it’s nonsense. “Doesn’t matter now. Mom and Dad are gone, so are all those people he blamed for his problems.”

“I’m sorry,” I say before I can stop myself. It’s a hard habit to break, telling someone you’re sorry for the things they’ve lost. But it seems idiotic in this new reality. If we did that, we’d spend most of our time apologizing to each other. We’ve all lost.

Gretchen shrugs again, then pushes her hair out of her face. She crosses her arms and looks us over like she’s waiting to see what’s going to happen next. I don’t even know what we’re going to do, so I don’t know what to tell her.

“So you’re alone?” Jon asks.

“Yup. Have been since Mom and Dad died. We’d just moved to Colorado and I didn’t know anyone.”

My stomach rumbles, and I’m reminded I haven’t eaten in a couple days. I look around the kitchen at the open cabinets and at Gretchen leaning up against them. “Were you here looking for food?”

“Yeah. It’s been a while or I wouldn’t have stopped, not with how overrun this town is.”

“Did you find anything?” I ask hopefully.

Gretchen shakes her head.

Of course.

We stand quietly in the middle of the bare kitchen. There isn’t much to say. We’re all hungry and cold and the house is surrounded by zombies and we don’t have the faintest idea where to go.

“Where are you guys headed?” Gretchen asks, but I’m too exhausted to look up at her.

Jon puts his arm around me like he can sense I’ve reached the end of my energy level. “Why don’t we head out into the living room? We can at least sit down.”

I nod, and Gretchen must think it’s a decent idea, because she starts walking. Jon follows her, leading me to the living room with his hand on my lower back. Even through all these layers of clothes I can feel his body heat, and for the first time since all this shit began, something stirs in me. Not desire or lust or anything even remotely sexual—I’m too bone tired for that—but something I can’t even remember the name of. I lower myself onto the couch, and Jon sits next to me. So close our legs touch. It helps keep me warm.

“We’re looking for our friends,” he says after Gretchen has taken a seat across from us. “We got separated and have been trying to catch up with them. The camp we had set up got overrun and they left a message saying they were coming here.”

I lean forward. “Have you seen anyone?” I don’t know how long she’s been here, but it’s always possible she’s seen something that might help us.

Gretchen shakes her head, but her face scrunches up. “I heard gunshots. That’s what led me to the town. I was traveling through the woods, staying off the roads, and I followed the sound of gunfire. There was a lot of it.”

“When?” I ask as dread and excitement war against each other inside me.

“Earlier today. At least a few hours ago.”

Jon’s leaning forward now too, and he seems to be having the same problem I am. Neither one of us wants to get our hopes up. Gunshots are good. It means they at least put up a fight. But it doesn’t mean they got away.

“You didn’t see anything?” he asks.

“I snuck into town and tried to get close, but there were too many zombies. All I saw was a big truck driving away. It ran over a bunch of zombies, and they chased after it long enough for me to start searching houses for food.”

I exhale and sink back into the couch. They made it. At least some of them, anyway. It’s a relief, even though it means Jon and I are screwed. We don’t have a clue where to look for them.

“Now what?” I whisper.

Jon sits back, and I lay my head on his shoulder. “We’ll figure it out. We just have to think like Axl. Figure out where they’d go.”

If only it were that easy.

“Where were you headed?” I ask Gretchen.

She shrugs, but with that parka on I can hardly see it. “Nowhere. Just walking. Trying to find someone or something or somewhere that isn’t like hell on earth.”

We lapse back into silence. After a few minutes, I close my eyes. The exhaustion of the past couple days hits me hard and I feel myself drifting off. Whatever decision we make will have to wait…

I open my eyes to darkness. I’m laid out on the couch and there’s a blanket over me, but I’m still shivering. For some reason, I attribute the cold to the fact that Jon is gone.

The house is silent. So quiet it’s almost easy to forget the streets were clogged with the dead when we got here. I’m alone in the living room and I don’t like it, so I shove the blanket to the floor and roll off the couch.

Where the hell is Jon?

I have to feel my way through the blackness, but the second I walk into the kitchen, I know he’s there. I can sense him even though I can’t even distinguish his outline in the dark room.

“Jon?”

“I’m here. At the table.”

I put my hands out in front of me as I walk toward his voice. My leg bumps into something solid and it scrapes against the floor when it moves, making a screeching sound that sends my heart into overdrive. I take another step, and my hip bone slams into what I’m assuming is the corner of the dining room table. It’s sharp and sure to leave a bruise, but I keep walking.

When my fingers finally brush against the smooth surface of the table, I slide my palms along the edge until Jon’s hand wraps around my wrist. He pulls me onto his lap, and the unease I felt when I woke up is instantly gone.

“What are you doing sitting in the dark like this?” I whisper.

His fingertips brush across my face, moving my hair behind my ear. “Thinking. Trying to decide what to do and where to go and how I’m going to keep you safe.”

“Any sudden epiphany I should be made aware of?”

“None.”

I nod even though he can’t see me.

He pulls my head down so it’s resting on his shoulder, cradling me in his arms. It makes me feel small and protected, and it’s such a change from how I’ve felt about him for the past few weeks. He’s really taken what I said to heart. Putting himself between me and the zombies, trying to come up with a plan on his own so I don’t have to worry. I like this new Jon.

“Where’s Gretchen?” I whisper.

“Sleeping in the bedroom. I went to a couple houses she hadn’t made it to yet but still couldn’t find any food.” He sighs, and his breath brushes against my hair. “We need to find something to eat.”

“I know.”

We sit in silence. Me on his lap and him rubbing my head like I’m a kitten or a small child. It’s a nice feeling after all the stress of the last few days, and it brings me to a place I didn’t know could even exist anymore. A place where I feel at peace and where I have hope.

It forces my guard down long enough for the words to slip out. “I’m pregnant.”

I didn’t mean to tell him, but the second I do I’m glad. Jon wraps his arms around me and hugs me so tightly it feels like my bones are going to snap. But it’s a good feeling. An old feeling I haven’t experienced since I was little and my dad would wrap me in a bear hug.

“I’ll be here for you.” Jon’s mouth is pressed to my hair, and when he talks, his hot breath blows against the back of my head.

I lean into him and close my eyes. “You know it might not be yours.”

“It’s mine.”

My bottom lip quivers and tears spring to my eyes. I turn so I’m facing him and loop my arms around his neck. He pulls me closer, tighter. Holds me and rocks me and kisses the side of my head, and the whole time all I can think about are those five little words he said. They’re perfect, exactly what I needed to hear.

I’ll be here for you.

He didn’t promise everything would be okay or that he’d keep us safe. He didn’t tell me we’d find our group or a secure place to live. He didn’t lie.

16

THE SIGHT OF THE GATED COMMUNITY looming in the distance doesn’t ease the ache in my chest as much as it should. Jake’s loss feels like the rotten cherry on top of a really horrible sundae, and I’m not totally sure we’ll ever be able to recover. Even with a roof over our heads and a fence surrounding us, we’ve lost too much.

The SUV slows in front of us, and Axl eases the truck to a stop. We’re silent as the passenger door to the car opens and Brady hops out. He heads to the fence to unlock it, but no one follows. Seeing him out there on his own makes me squirm uncomfortably. Someone should cover him.

“Should I get out?” I say, breaking the silence.

“Naw. Area’s clear and it won’t take him long. Parvarti’s right there if he needs help.”

I nod but keep my eyes on Brady. The lock comes free, then the chain. He pushes the gate open and Parvarti drives through, stopping just inside to wait for Brady. Axl puts the truck in gear and pulls in after them. The second we pass through those gates, my discomfort eases. There’s something else there too. It’s buried under the grief over Jake and the concern for Hadley and Jon, and it’s just a tiny spark, but it’s still present. Hope. I guess my optimism for the future hasn’t been totally washed away. Not yet.

Axl drives on ahead of the SUV, coming to a stop in front of Brady’s house. I barely wait for him to put the truck in park before I’m out and heading to the back. Anxious to show everyone this utopia we’ve discovered. To let them know the bad days could be behind us.

The door slides up and light floods in. Everyone is already moving around, but Al is the first one to hop out. His feet hit the ground, and he barely pauses to look around before turning to help Lila. Once she’s down, the couple turns to look things over together, and the expression of awe on their faces feeds the hope inside me.

Together, we can make this work. I know we can.

“Holy shit!” Al says, as Parvarti drives up. “Look at the fence! It’s like some kind of post-apocalyptic fortress. I can’t believe we found this!”

Axl rounds the back of the truck as more people come out behind us, echoing Al’s enthusiasm. The devastation they felt just a short time ago forgotten. For the moment, anyway.

Brady hops out of the SUV, grinning from ear to ear. He looks the group over with the same sharply intelligent gaze he gave us when we first met. Like he can see every one of their secrets just by looking.

“Welcome!” he calls in a booming voice that doesn’t match his stature at all.

Everyone turns to face him, and a hush falls over the group. The shock they’re feeling is familiar. I felt the same way when I first laid eyes on Brady. Like they don’t expect someone who looks like him to be able to survive on his own. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I can’t blame everyone. Survival of the fittest and all that.

Brady doesn’t even blink. He smiles and waves his arms toward the houses. “I’m Brady, and this is my home. I’ve been living alone and doing quite well, but company is always a happy thing. I’d love for all of you to come inside and get warm while we talk about what’s going to happen next. I have more than enough coffee.” He looks toward little Ava and smiles. “And hot chocolate.”

No one responds as Brady takes off toward the house. Practically skipping. He hums to himself like he’s hosting a holiday get-together. It’s odd, but seems to fit what little I’ve learned of him.

Parvarti follows without a word, and slowly the group trickles toward the house. The door is already open by the time Axl grabs my hand and pulls me forward. Winston walks at his side. His hands shoved in his pockets and his head down. He looks even more defeated than he did yesterday. Seeing Winston this way feels ominous. He’s been the solid one this whole time. Never letting his doubts show, even when the rest of us were struggling. Losing Jessica may prove to be more than he can take.

Inside, we all pause to remove our shoes. It’s an oddly familiar thing to do, but as silly as it may seem to some of us—like Angus, who bitches the whole time he unlaces his boots—this is Brady’s house. He allowed us to come here, and if he wants to keep his beige carpet clean, that’s his choice.

Winston doesn’t follow the others to the kitchen when his shoes are off. Instead, he turns the other way, heading into what used to be one of the living rooms. Alone.

Axl exhales and pats me on the back. “You go ‘head. I’m gonna talk to Winston.”

“That’s a good idea,” I whisper. I give Axl’s hand a squeeze, then raise myself up on the tips of my toes so I can kiss him. “You’re a good man.”

Axl pulls me against him, inhaling sharply. He does that a lot. Like he’s filling his lungs with me. Like he needs me to live. I love it. I’ve never had anyone need me before.

In true Axl style, he pulls away and follows Winston without saying a word.

I head toward the kitchen, passing through the second small living room. The curtains are drawn, and Anne and Joshua are huddled together on the couch in the darkness while everyone else seems to have followed Brady. The chatter from the kitchen is quiet but upbeat. It doesn’t fit with the soft sobs of Anne. Jake may not have been hers biologically, but she’d become his mother, and I know from experience what that loss feels like. The hole it leaves in you feels painful and empty at the same time. Like a big chunk has been ripped away and the wound is exposed.

It’s a feeling that never goes away.

I leave them to their grief and join the rest of our group in the kitchen.

It may be early afternoon, but the room is still cloaked in shadows. For people who were raised in the era of electricity, the dim light takes more than a little getting used to. I haven’t yet. Haven’t adjusted to not being able to really see. Haven’t broken myself of the habit of flipping a switch when I walk into a room. Of course, even though it feels like a lifetime ago, it’s only been around seven weeks since we had electricity. Could the world really have disappeared in such a short amount of time? Whenever I think about it too hard, the urge to scream comes over me. I’m sure one day this new world will begin to feel real, but now it feels more like hell at times.

Angus steps into the kitchen and puckers his lips like he’s going to spit. His eyes move to Brady, who’s frowning, and then Angus walks across the room and spits into the sink.

“Why the hell you usin’ that little thing?” he asks, jerking his head toward the camp stove in front of the other man.

“We’re low on fuel for the generator and this works just as well for heating up water,” Brady says, frowning toward the sink Angus just spit in.

He turns back to the pot in front of him, choosing to ignore Angus’s bad habit. Which is good. We’ve all pretty much gotten used to it by now, and if Brady wants us to stick around he’s going to have to, too.

“You have a generator?” Al asks, his expression lighting up. “As in hot water?”

Lila squeezes his remaining hand, and the excitement on her face matches everyone else’s in the room. A buzz moves through the group. We may have bathed at the hot spring, but nothing can replace an indoor shower.

Brady smiles as he pours water into the waiting mugs. “I do. The water went out for a while, but last week it came back on out of nowhere. Not sure why, but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. However, as I said, fuel is low and something we should conserve. There are a lot of us, after all. I know you’re all anxious to shower and get clean—the habits of Americans die hard—but I think it would be best to hold off on that until we discuss a few details.” He pauses and glances toward Parvarti, giving her a warm smile. “Would you mind grabbing the creamer again?”

Parvarti nods and heads to the pantry, her expression looking more stoic than usual in the middle of the excitement over showers. No one else has said a word, and I can’t help wondering what they all think of Brady. He’s a lot to take in considering his size—he has a big personality if I’ve ever seen one—but he grows on you.

Angus purses his lips and crosses his arms over his chest while he studies Brady. Darla is right behind him, her hands on his shoulders like she’s trying to comfort him. From what, I’m not sure.

“What kinda details you talkin’ ‘bout exactly?” The question comes out as a grunt.

Brady looks up from making the instant coffee, meeting Angus’s hard gaze unblinkingly as Parvarti comes back with the creamer. She sets it on the counter next to the mugs, and Brady says, “Thank you, my dear.” He never takes his eyes off Angus.

Parvarti nods once, then grabs a mug. Sophia follows her lead, then Al and Lila. The group moves around the kitchen quietly, seemingly unbothered by the stand-off between Angus and Brady. We’re all used to Angus’s moods by now.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Angus says between clenched teeth. “I wanna know what details you was talkin’ ‘bout.”

Brady blinks once. “Rationing, of course. Resources are limited and it’s something we need to plan for. They aren’t going to be restocking the local Wal-Mart anytime soon.”

Angus presses his lips together, and I can tell he’s torn. He knows as well as Brady does that we need to ration our supplies. We’ve been doing it for weeks, so it’s nothing new. But as usual, Angus is having a difficult time letting someone else have any control over what the group does.

Axl comes into the kitchen with Winston right behind him. The older man’s dark eyes are bloodshot and moist, but his head is up. I don’t know what they talked about, but it seems to have helped a bit. He’s here with the rest of us, if nothing else.

“Just the man I wanted to see,” Brady says, pulling his eyes away from Angus. “We were just discussing fuel for the generator and the need to ration. Your brother has wisely pointed out that replacing what little fuel we have is going to be tough, and with winter coming we should do our best to conserve what we have. Perhaps we should work out a shower schedule of some kind?”

Axl nods and glances toward Angus, who’s glaring at Brady like he’d just love to pummel him. The corner of Brady’s mouth cocks up. Somehow, he managed to make it seem like Angus was calling the shots while making him feel like a moron at the same time. A rare but very useful talent.

Axl tears his eyes away from Angus, shaking his head slightly. Someone who didn’t know him very well might not notice the irritation in his eyes, but I do. He may not have been in the kitchen to witness Angus challenging Brady, but Axl isn’t dumb. He only has to glance at his brother once to know it happened. Angus’s body is as stiff as a board, and that little vein on his forehead pulsates.

“Sounds like a plan.” Axl picks up a mug as he looks everyone over. “Way I see it, we don’t need a bath more than once a week.” There are a few groans around the room, but they’re quiet. Axl doesn’t even react. “We gotta think ahead. Fuel ain’t gonna be easy to come by.”

“There’s a lot to discuss over the next few days.” Winston pauses to take a deep breath, almost as if talking hurts. “We have a nice setup here, but Axl pointed out a few more things we could do. Reinforce the fence, get some supplies from town, set up a lookout. All those things are more important than a hot shower, I’m sorry to say.”

“You got a fireplace out there, I see,” Axl says, nodding his head back toward the small living room just off the kitchen. “Don’t suppose it’s wood burnin’.”

“No, sorry,” Brady says, frowning. “Gas. It was nice to have before all this, but quite useless now. I’ve considered trying to burn wood in it, but I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure if I should. I’m afraid I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to that sort of thing.”

“Don’t wanna burn wood in there,” Axl says. “I’d bet that chimney ain’t made for it, an’ you’d have a house full of smoke in no time. We’d hafta check it out to be sure, though.”

Brady nods slowly. “I was afraid of that.”

“Keepin’ warm is gonna be tough, but nothin’ a few blankets can’t fix. Gettin’ a few kerosene heaters would be good. Had ‘em growin’ up, an’ they put out a lotta heat,” Angus says, moving away from Darla so he can stand next to his brother. “First thing we gotta worry ‘bout is food. We’re gonna hafta get them MREs.”

Winston pulls at his beard as he looks back and forth between the brothers. “MREs?”

“Found us a place out in the middle of nowhere,” Angus says. “One of them prepper freaks must’ve lived there, ‘cause the whole basement was packed with MREs.”

Brady frowns and shakes his head like he doesn’t understand. I’m sure he isn’t alone. Not everyone is familiar with the term.

“Prepackaged meals, like soldiers eat when deployed,” I say.

Understanding crosses his face, and he smiles like he’s just been handed a suitcase full of cash. “A whole basement full?”

“Few hundred meals down there,” Axl says. “It’ll help us get through winter. We just gotta get ‘em an’ bring ‘em back.”

“Take the SUV.” Brady waves his hand. “Or any car for that matter. They’re all ours now.”

“We need to get ‘em, but I like the idea of lookin’ for them animals first. Them MRE’s ain’t goin’ nowhere,” Axl replies with a nod. “I wanna figure out what else we need an’ where the closest town is.”

“Hope Springs is about thirty miles from here. It’s a small college town, but they would have the best selection. The closest town though is Duncan, which is where I’ve been going for supplies. They don’t have a lot, but there’s a Lowe’s and Wal-Mart. Even a Costco. The overall population was smaller than Hope Springs, so I figured it would be less overrun.”

“You seen many people there?”

Brady shakes his head. “No one. I’ll be honest, you’re the first people I’ve come across since this started.”

“You haven’t seen another living person this whole time?” Sophia asks.

Up until this point, we’ve all been sitting back. Letting Axl and Angus and Winston gather information from Brady. Now though, all eyes are on our new host.

“I have not. There was actually a part of me that was starting to wonder if I was alone.”

Parvarti’s dark eyes study Brady, but they’re as unreadable as usual. “Why keep going?”

Brady tilts his head and watches Parvarti for a second before saying, “Other people have never defined my life before, so why start now?”

Parvarti’s eyebrows pull together, but the admiration in her eyes is unmistakable. She nods but doesn’t say anything, and for a few seconds she and Brady just stare at each other. It’s like they’re having some private conversation right in front of us.

“I hate to interrupt,” Sophia says, “but what are the living arrangements going to be like? It’s been a rough couple days, and I’m thinking the kids could use a nap. I’m not going to lie, it wouldn’t hurt me to have one too.”

Brady tears his eyes away from Parvarti, and his gaze moves to Sophia’s round belly. He smiles, but it’s sad. “When can we expect a new addition?”

Sophia rubs her hand across her stomach. “Joshua says some time in the beginning of April.”

“Rest is important.” Brady clears his throat and looks down, focusing on the cup in front of him. “Take whichever home you like, although you may want to avoid the one next door. I may have turned the garage into a chicken coop, and I’m afraid the living room is quite noisy.”

“Thank you,” Sophia says.

Brady nods but doesn’t look up.

Axl’s gaze meets mine. He shakes his head and I shrug. Neither one of us knows what to make of Brady most of the time, and at the moment, I’m not sure I want to know. It probably has something to do with his dead wife, which is just too depressing to think about right now.

“We don’t wanna spread out too much,” Axl says.

“Right.” Winston inhales and looks the group over. “These houses have three bedrooms? Four?”

“Most probably four, although the number of beds may vary. I have two extra rooms here.”

“We won’t need more than two other houses, then,” Winston says.

The thought makes my stomach clench painfully. He’s right. Our numbers are dwindling.

“They had a couple kids across the street in the blue house, so you and the children may want to go over there,” Brady says to Sophia, before turning to Max. “Those toys need someone to keep them company.”

Max’s face lights up at the mention of toys. It’s probably the first time he’s smiled since Dylan was killed, and despite the fact that Ava looks like she can barely keep her eyes open, even she manages a smile.

“Thank you,” Sophia says, getting to her feet. “I’m going to head over there now and try to get them to lie down. The longer I sit here, the more exhausted I realize I am.”

Winston nods, and a couple people murmur goodbye as she leads the kids out, but everyone seems to be just as worn out. We could all use a really good night’s sleep in a real house. A real bed. It will make us feel human again. Maybe not so broken.

After Sophia’s disappeared with the kids, Winston looks the group over. “I’ll take the other room over there. Don’t want to leave them unguarded.” He scratches his chin. “Who wants to stay where? I’m not your dad, but I think we should stay as close as possible.”

Parvarti ends up taking the same room she had the night before, while Lila and Al head up to the one Axl and I occupied. Angus and Darla volunteer to move into the chicken house, which only leaves Anne, Joshua, Axl, and me.

Thinking about living in the same house with my mom and Angus going at it in the next room makes me want to throw up. “We’ll take the house next to Sophia’s,” I say. “When Hadley and Jon get here they can have the other room.”

Winston’s eyebrows shoot up, but he doesn’t tell me I’m delusional.

“Who?” Brady asks.

“Friends of ours that got lost,” Axl says.

“You’re kiddin’ yourself if you think they’re comin’, Blondie.” Angus spits into the sink, then wipes his mouth on his sleeve. “They’re gone. Ain’t never gonna see ‘em again.”

My face gets hot and I take a step toward him, but Winston puts his hand up. “Fine. Sounds like a good idea.” He turns to Angus. “We can have Joshua and Anne join you two, if that’s okay.”

“I ain’t got no problem with the doc movin’ in.”

“Good, then.” Winston takes a deep breath, then blows it out. “Now we need to talk about supplies.”

My blood’s still simmering when they start their discussion. Most of it is obvious. Food and water, weapons and hunting gear. Even fishing stuff. More ammo. Brady grabs a pad of paper and writes it all down as they talk.

“Warm clothes,” I say, “especially for the kids.”

“Houses probably got a lotta that.” Angus spits into the sink again. “We can go through ‘em.”

“I’ll do it,” Darla says. “Even get Al and Lila to help out. You all are gonna be busy planning and there’s no reason for me to stand around like a dummy. I can do stuff too.”

“Good idea.” Winston drums his fingers on the counter. “We want coats and sweaters, but also warm socks and boots. Hats and gloves. Anything that will help us get through the winter.”

Darla nods her head so fast her hair bobs around her face. “I’m on it.”

She hurries out while Angus and Axl start discussing measures for reinforcing the fence. From there the men move on to finding livestock, then seeds for planting. Brady takes notes the whole time, chiming in about the area whenever necessary. I don’t add much, and a part of me feels out of place. Like maybe I’d be better off going through the houses too. But I just can’t bring myself to follow my mom.

Maybe I won’t be able to forgive her after all.

“That’s a good start,” Axl says. “We gotta set up watch too. We can get Parvarti on that while we head out to look for them animals you was talkin’ ‘bout. She can walk the perimeter.”

“Is that really necessary?” Brady asks. “I told you I’ve been here for weeks now and haven’t seen a single living person. What makes you think they’re going to suddenly show up now?”

“‘Cause it’s fuckin’ cold out there,” Axl says, but there isn’t any malice in the words. “People are gonna be lookin’ for shelter, but there ain’t many safe places left. You’ve been sittin’ on a gold mine, only you didn’t know it. There are some real dangerous people out there, an’ they ain’t gonna have a problem slittin’ your throat if it means havin’ a roof over their heads.”

Brady frowns and his eyes cloud over. “I suppose you’re right. With civilization in shambles and no law to tell them what to do, it stands to reason people will resort to violence to survive. It’s just a hard thing to acknowledge.”

“And not just to survive,” I say, thinking about Vegas, “Sometimes they do it just because they can and they want to.”

A shudder runs through my body, causing Brady to raise his eyebrows at me. I look away though, terrified that his sharp gaze will penetrate my secrets.

It’s snowing when we get ready to leave for the farm. Not a few flurries, but a full-on storm with arctic winds and flakes the size of dimes. The sky is so overcast and the snow so thick that not even a single ray of sunshine makes it to the ground. The temperature has dropped significantly since yesterday, making me more thankful than ever that we managed to find this neighborhood. We need to get on those kerosene heaters, though.

We take only the SUV, hoping to find a trailer made for towing animals at the farm. Brady comes with Axl, Angus, and me since he knows the area. Angus isn’t thrilled about our addition, but Axl is as unconcerned about it as I am. You can never really please Angus, anyway.

“Should take us about twenty minutes to get there in this weather,” Brady says from the passenger seat, looking at Axl.

Angus grumbles next to me, making comments under his breath about how he isn’t sure Brady can see over the dashboard.

The snow is so thick that it takes us more like thirty minutes to get there. It’s a good thing Brady has a four-wheel drive or we might not have made it at all, not with how hard the snow is coming down now. As it is, we have more than one tense moment where the tires slide on the icy road.

The old, white farm house is dark when we pull down the driveway. The front door is open, and even from here I can see how much snow has blown inside. Probably happened when the owners came back from the dead and stumbled outside, looking for food. Axl drives by the house without slowing, heading toward the big, red barn at the back of the property.

When we park, the four of us hop out. The wind blows so fiercely that I swear my bones rattle. I pull my hat down over my ears and keep my head turned toward the ground as I wade through the snowdrifts in front of me, following the men to the barn. It’s up to my knees in some places and showing no sign of stopping.

Angus and Axl have to work together to pull the big barn door open. It creaks louder than the wind, and I immediately pull my gun. The second I can see into the barn, I catch movement in the dark shadows. Whether it’s zombies or animals, it’s hard to tell.

We walk in as a group, not saying anything. The wind is too loud to allow us to have a conversation even if we wanted to talk, which we don’t. We’re all on edge. Between the snow and the dark barn, none of us are thrilled about being out here.

We leave the door open and flip on flashlights as we start searching the shadowy corners of the barn. My nose is so stuffed up from the cold I can’t smell a whole lot, but as far as I can tell, the place is clear. With the exception of animal shit, that is.

We stick together anyway.

Something snorts to my right, and I spin around only to have the beam of my flashlight land on a hog that snorts again when confronted with the bright light. The thing is huge and covered in dry dirt, looking like it tried to burrow into the ground. Probably trying to keep warm.

“Damn,” Angus mutters, moving closer to the huge animal. “Didn’t really think we’d find anything after all this time.”

Brady walks up and pans his flashlight across the pen, illuminating a few white sticks. “We got lucky. She ate her young.”

I blink when it hits me that those sticks are bones. “What?”

“It’s common among some species, especially when faced with the prospect of starvation. The mother can always have more offspring if she lives.”

Angus spits and I shiver, but for once it has nothing to do with his gross habit.

“That’s disturbing,” I whisper.

“They’re animals,” Angus grumbles. “Get over it.”

“We need to look for a trailer,” Brady says, turning away. “Let’s check the rest of the barn out. See if anything else made it.”

We don’t find any other animals alive, but when we reach the last pen, the door leading outside is open and there are hoof prints in the fresh snow. I step into the pen, being careful to avoid the chunks of animal poop covering the ground, then squint out into the falling snow. I can just make out a dark shape in the stark whiteness. A cow, maybe?

“I see one!” I say, walking out into the storm.

Axl comes out beside me, and we head toward the animal. The closer we get, the more clearly I can see the thing. It is a cow. White with black spots, of course. The thing is just standing there, shoving its nose into the snow. I hope it’s a female.

“Let’s get her inside!” I yell over the howling wind.

Axl nods just as the animal looks up. I expect her to head the other way, but she walks toward us instead. Maybe she misses people? She’s probably used to seeing the farmer bring her food and sees us as her chance to eat.

Axl and I walk backward, and the cow follows, chewing as she heads our way. Something moves to my right, and I turn to find a second one coming toward us, and another beyond that. Three cows! It’s like we found a pot of gold.

We make it back inside to find Brady and Angus arguing. I roll my eyes and keep moving. Out of the pen and toward the door. The cows follow like we’re playing a game.

“What the hell is goin’ on?” Axl snaps, stopping next to his brother.

“Found us a trailer and it’s already hooked up,” Brady says, turning away from Angus.

Who knows what they were fighting about, and who cares. They’re like children.

We manage to get the cows loaded onto the trailer with almost no effort. The pig is another thing, though. It gets up when we open the gate but barely moves. Maybe it’s sick. Who knows how many babies it ate and how long ago. We end up having to push it across the barn and onto the truck, and even though it doesn’t help us a whole lot, it doesn’t put up much of a fight either.

“Much as I’d like to check out a couple more places, I’m thinkin’ we should head back,” Axl says once the animals are loaded into the trailer. “Weather’s just too bad.”

“I agree,” Brady replies, making Angus rolls his eyes and grumble about how it doesn’t matter what tiny thinks.

Axl shakes his head as he walks toward the driver’s side of the SUV.

“I’ll drive the truck,” Angus says, heading toward the trailer.

I look back and forth between him and Brady, knowing I don’t have a choice. Those two aren’t going to want to be crammed together in a vehicle and Angus shouldn’t go alone. I sigh and follow Angus, shooting Brady a look. He’s going to owe me for this.

Angus grins when I settle into the passenger seat. “You lookin’ for a good time?”

“Get real, Angus.”

He chuckles. “You know I’m just messin’ with you. I like gettin’ under your skin.”

“You’re good at it.”

“Oh, I know.” He flashes me another smile before putting the truck in gear.

We’re silent as we follow Axl through the snow. The wind blows so hard that the trailer behind us whips back and forth. Angus’s hands tighten on the steering wheel as he struggles to keep it on the road, and I twist the seatbelt around my hand.

“We got lucky,” I say, “finding those animals.”

“Sure did. Gonna hafta turn another one of them garages into a barn, but it don’t matter none.”

He’s right. There’s no reason we’d really need a garage, and the animals are more important. The pig alone will feed us for a few days, assuming we can figure out how to butcher the thing. I’d be willing to bet Angus and Axl could do it, though. They’ve done enough hunting.

“Three cows is good, especially since two are female. That means we’ll have milk. The fact that one of them is a male means we could have more cows down the road, too.”

“They call it a bull,” Angus says, leaning toward the window.

I turn my whole body to face him, frowning. “How do you know that?”

“Worked at a farm one summer, back in my twenties.”

“Why’d you quit?”

Angus flashes me a grin and I immediately regret asking. “Got caught screwin’ in the barn instead of workin’.”

“Good Lord, Angus.”

He chuckles as he focuses on the road. In front of us, the brake lights for the SUV are just visible through the thick flakes.

17

IN THE MORNING THE STREETS OF Millersville are just as overrun as they were the night before. Which means we aren’t going to be able to look around for any clues left by Axl and the others.

I sit on the couch in the living room next to Jon, trying to figure out what to do. How to find them. Trying not to think about the fact that I might never see Vivian again. Gretchen is across from me in a worn recliner, but none of us says a word. Slowly, the room gets brighter as the sun rises, breaking through the gray clouds and lighting up the world.

My arms are crossed over my chest and I can’t stop bouncing my leg. With each passing second, I can feel our friends slipping further away, and it’s turning me into a giant ball of nerves. All I can think about is the bullshit I pulled with Axl before I left and how angry Vivian must be with me, and the thought of leaving things like that is worse than the idea of being ripped apart by the dead.

“How the hell are we supposed to figure out where they went?” I mumble, staring at the brown, speckled carpet.

“We could cut through the woods, go to the other side of town and see if it’s possible to follow their tracks,” Jon says.

My body aches just from the thought of more walking, but he’s right. It’s our best shot of finding them. “I don’t think we have any other choice.”

I tear my eyes away from the floor and meet Gretchen’s gaze. Her blue eyes are big and round as she quietly takes in everything we’re saying like she’s trying to decide what to do. We can’t leave her behind.

“What about you, Gretchen?” I ask, “Do you want to come with us?”

She licks her lip nervously, slowly shaking her head. “I-I don’t know.”

“You can’t be alone,” Jon says. “It isn’t safe out there for a teenage girl by herself. If you knew some of the people we’ve run into…”

His words trail off, and my back stiffens. Thoughts of Vegas and that man and what he did to me come back, making my stomach harden and churn. Gretchen’s eyes meet mine again, and I want to look away. I’m afraid she’ll be able to see inside me. Know what happened. But I hold her gaze, because as much as it scares the shit out of me, she needs to see it. To understand how dangerous this new world is.

“There’s a town,” she says slowly, still looking at me. “I’ve run into a few people who told me about it, they heard about it from others. It’s where I was headed. I don’t know if it’s real or if it’s just a figment of someone’s imagination, but I figured it’s worth a shot.”

“What town?” Jon asks, drawing Gretchen’s attention his way and off me. Finally.

“It’s north of here. Someone said it was called Hope, and another person said Hope Springs. I don’t know if it’s a real name or something they’ve renamed it, but I heard it’s safe.”

I shake my head because what she’s saying doesn’t make sense. “Safe? How can it be safe?”

“People are clearing it out, cleaning it up. Trying to make it safe so they can start over. That’s what I heard, anyway.”

“I don’t know…” Jon grabs his pack off the ground. He pulls out a map and spreads it across the table. “Here was the hot spring, and here’s Millersville.” He runs his finger across the map and I lean closer, trying to get a good look. He stops on a dot and taps the paper. “Hope Springs. It’s real.”

“Doesn’t mean anything,” I say, sitting back. “It has to be an urban legend or someone’s wishful thinking.”

“Who told you about it?” Jon asks.

Gretchen pulls at the sleeve of her parka. “I ran into one group who was on the way there, but they’d had to stop because an old lady who was traveling with them got sick. They asked me to stay, but I didn’t like the idea of being with strangers. Plus, I thought they might be crazy when they told me about the town. But a couple days later, I ran into another group who told me the same story. Only they said they ran into a group of men who were out looking for supplies. The men had a big truck, the kind the army uses. The men told the group they had a safe place and offered to take them to it, but no one believed it. They said it was called Hope Springs.”

Jon turns to face me, and when our eyes meet I can see his optimism so clearly it’s like another color mixed in with the greens and browns of his irises. “It’s that college town we were avoiding. I knew the name sounded familiar when Gretchen said it, but I couldn’t remember why. We’ve looked at so many damn maps over the last few weeks. It’s only about forty miles from here.”

Forty miles feels like an insurmountable distance when you don’t have a car. Or food. Plus, it seems like a fool’s errand. Running off to find a city that’s safe from the dead. I don’t buy it.

“Are you saying you believe it?” I ask, narrowing my eyes on Jon’s face. “That you want to go?”

“I’m saying we don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“But we also don’t have a vehicle or supplies and we haven’t eaten in days. Jon! What are you thinking? This sounds like a horrible idea. And it doesn’t even sound real! Think of all the places we’ve passed over the last few weeks. Have any of them come even close to looking safe? No, because it isn’t possible.”

Jon runs his hand through his hair and exhales like he’s trying to keep his cool. “Are you telling me you don’t have any hope left at all?”

“I’m telling you I think we’re biding our time until the end. It’s what I’ve thought ever since I was dragged through the front door of the Monte Carlo.”

I stand up and stomp out of the room like a child. That’s how I feel, too. Young and lost and disappointed that everything didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. That there is no happily-ever-after ending.

I feel like I’ve been lied to my whole life.

I’m in the kitchen leaning against the counter for support when Jon walks in. He stops in front of me and lets out a breath so deep it feels like it should fill the whole room.

“I have so much anger inside me,” I say, focusing on the ugly blue Formica countertops. “So much pain. Sometimes, it feels like it’s going to rip me in half.”

“Is it directed at me? I know I took you there, so I wouldn’t blame you if it was.”

I shake my head, and it’s the truth. I’ve never held Jon responsible for what happened, as crazy as it sounds. Maybe it’s because I met Megan and saw firsthand how damaged she was. Or maybe it’s because I had a brother and I think he would have done the same thing to save me.

“I don’t know who I’m mad at, and maybe that’s part of the problem. But it isn’t you. I won’t deny that there have been times when you’ve annoyed the hell out of me, but it wasn’t because of that.”

Jon takes a step closer. He puts his hands on my hips and turns me to face him, forcing me to look up. “I have to keep you safe. I owe it to you for so many reasons. Because I took you to the Monte Carlo, because I didn’t have a plan to get you out before you got hurt, because you’re carrying my baby. Most of all, because I love you, and I can’t stand the thought of losing someone else I love.”

My throat tightens as a sob tries to rip its way out of me. I love every word he just said. I love that he took responsibility even though I don’t blame him and he didn’t have to. I love that he claims this life growing inside me as his own even though we both know it probably isn’t his. I love that he loves me so much it hurts to think about losing me.

And there’s a very good chance I’m starting to fall in love with Jon.

I rest my forehead against his chest and close my eyes and inhale until my lungs threaten to burst. Then I let it all go. “So we head for Hope Springs.”

“We head for Hope Springs.”

“We’re going to need to find a car and some supplies. Food especially.”

“I will do my best. If we can’t find them, I will carry you myself and go out hunting for every meal. I promise I will kill so many animals you’ll get fat and beg me to stop, but I won’t because I want you to be round and healthy and live a long, long time.”

I laugh through the tears streaming down my face. “It’s a deal.”

Jon tilts my face up and brushes the tears from my cheeks. Then he presses his lips to mine. His mouth is warm and comfortable, and my insides tingle like we’re teenagers stealing our first kiss. And in a lot of ways, it is our first kiss.

The moans of the dead can be heard all the way into the woods, which keeps me on edge. Every time a branch crunches under our feet as we pick our way through the forest my heart beats harder, but there’s nothing we can do to avoid them. The snow covering the ground makes it impossible to see where we’re stepping, which means every other time I put my foot down, I stumble or step on a branch that cracks under my weight.

We manage to make it past Millersville without incident but stick to the forest until the houses behind us are no longer visible. Then Jon veers to the left, heading for the road. When we get to the edge of the trees, he holds his hand up so Gretchen and I stop, then takes a good look around.

“It’s clear,” he whispers. “At least from what I can see. Stay quiet, and if I signal for you to go back into the woods, move fast.”

Gretchen and I nod, but we’re both too tense to talk. Jon takes a step out of the trees, and I’m right behind him. Gretchen stays on my heels. When we’re free of the cover of the woods, I take a good look around. There’s no sign of the dead. The town is pretty far away, so it’s doubtful they’d be able to see or hear us. We seem to be in the clear.

I stop next to the road and stare down at the tire tracks cutting through the white blanket of snow covering the asphalt. They’re from the truck and at least one other car. “So we follow the tracks or head to Hope Springs?”

“Head to Hope,” Gretchen says.

I turn to face Jon. “We can’t just walk away from them.”

“We stick to the road for a bit, see if we can figure out where they’re headed. Then we head to Hope.”

Gretchen shakes her head, her eyes growing wide. “No. I don’t want to stay by the road. It isn’t safe.”

“If we hear someone coming we’ll hide,” I say. “We’ve been walking on the road for the past two days. It’s been fine.”

Gretchen sets her jaw, which makes her look like an obstinate kid, not a girl who’s singlehandedly managed to keep herself alive in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. “It’s a bad idea.”

“We have to try and find our friends,” I say, struggling to keep the desperation out of my voice.

“They aren’t looking for you!” Gretchen’s words echo through the silence and slam into me so hard it feels like I’ve been slapped.

She’s wrong. I know she is. They have to be looking for us. There’s no way they’d just assume we were dead and walk away. They even left a note for us at the hot spring.

Jon puts his hand on my shoulder. “We stick to the road.” His voice is firmer than I’ve ever heard it.

Gretchen pushes out her lower lip, but she doesn’t complain. And she doesn’t say she’s going off on her own, which might make me give in. Not that she needs to know that. There’s just no way in hell I’d be able to go through the rest of my life thinking I sent this girl off by herself.

So we start walking.

We follow the tracks down the snow-covered road until they turn. The wind picks up, and the gray clouds overhead tell us more snow is on the way. The temperature drops until I can barely feel my nose and my toes ache from the cold. Every few seconds I have to sniff so snot doesn’t run down my face, but it doesn’t help. Eventually, I resort to wiping my nose on the sleeve of my jacket.

It’s probably close to noon by the time we see a house. An old farm house set far back from the road, with chipped paint and a sagging porch. I can just make out a barn that’s seen better days in the distance.

We stop in front of the driveway. It’s covered in a blanket of snow that is totally undisturbed, and even from here, the house looks empty.

“Good thing about the snow is that we’ll be able to see the footprints of any dead that came before us,” Jon says.

Gretchen nods and wipes her nose at the same time. Her cheeks are so pink from the cold that it looks painful. Like she’s on the verge of frostbite.

“We need to check it out,” I say. “See if there’s any food or warmer clothes.”

“A car, too. Although I don’t see one and there’s no garage, so I doubt we’ll get lucky on that end.”

“Can we j-just g-go?” Gretchen says.

“Yeah.” Jon takes off down the lane.

We head up the driveway, pushing our way through the snow.

After a few steps, I look over my shoulder at the trail we’ve left behind. “We aren’t going to be able to hide from anyone.”

“What do you mean?” Jon asks.

I motion to the driveway at our backs. “Our footprints. If we come across anyone dangerous, we aren’t going to be able to hide.”

“Shit.” Jon rubs his eyes with his free hand, the one not holding his gun. “You’re right.”

“We should have gone through the woods,” Gretchen grumbles.

I ignore her and keep walking. The closer we get to the house, the more clearly I can see it. There are curtains in the windows, which means someone did live here not too long ago. That’s a good sign. Hopefully, they left some food we can eat. I’m not sure we’re going to be able keep going without it. As it is, I’ve had more than a few moments of dizziness since we left Millersville this morning.

When we get to the house, Jon goes up the porch steps while Gretchen and I stay in the yard. He looks through the front window, then pounds on the door. I hold my breath and wait to see if someone—or something—will pop up. Nothing happens.

“Well,” Jon says. “I guess we try the door. If it’s locked, we’ll just break it down.”

Gretchen and I don’t argue. We passed the point where we worried about damaging someone’s private property weeks ago. It’s every man for himself now.

Jon turns the knob, but it doesn’t give. He exhales and takes a step back so he can get a good look at the house. He must decide there’s no other way in, because he backs up, then runs forward, ramming his shoulder against the door.

It doesn’t budge.

“Shit.” He rubs his arm and laughs. “Hollywood made that look a hell of a lot easier than it actually is.”

“Damn liars,” I say, a jolt of surprise coming over me when a smile forms on my lips.

Gretchen smiles and Jon shoots me a grin, then throws his head back and laughs. It’s so loud and sincere that it shakes his whole body. I’ve never heard him laugh before, and the sound causes warmth to spread through me.

“Okay,” Jon says when he’s finally done laughing. He takes a deep breath and eyes the door like he’s looking for weaknesses. “One more try.”

He backs up further, then rushes forward again. This time when his shoulder slams into the door, the sound of splintering wood echoes through the silence. The door pops open, and Jon stumbles inside. I’m right behind him, ready to take out anything that may come running in case Jon isn’t. The house remains silent, though.

Jon rubs his shoulder and grimaces. “Damn. That hurt like hell.”

“But it was sexy as hell.” I fan my face and smile.

He snorts. “Right.”

Gretchen doesn’t say a word. She walks by us and heads into the kitchen, and my stomach growls. Reminding me why we stopped. Food.

But we need to make sure it’s safe first.

“We need to check all the rooms, Gretchen!” I call after her. “Just to make sure there aren’t any bodies lurking in the shadows.”

“You check. I’ll look for food.”

I sigh, and Jon rolls his eyes. “Teenagers.”

“Makes me feel sorry for my parents,” I say.

Jon and I work together to move the couch in front of the damaged door, and once it’s done, I suck in a deep breath. Every hair on my body stands on end when the faint scent of death tickles my nostrils.

Jon and I pull out our guns at the exact same moment.

“Smell that?” he whispers.

I nod and glance toward the kitchen, trying to decide if we head back toward the bedrooms or check on Gretchen. She’s silent, but the sound of cabinets opening and closing lets me know she’s okay. Whatever we’re smelling, it must be in one of the bedrooms.

“Let’s head to the back of the house,” I say, nodding toward the hall to our right.

Jon nods, and together we move silently through the house. Other than the few sounds coming from the kitchen, the place is eerily silent, but the further back we walk the stronger the smell gets. My stomach twists, and I force myself to breathe through my mouth, hoping to ease the rumbling inside me.

We pause in the hall and look back and forth between the closed doors. There are three of them. I’m guessing two are bedrooms and the third is a bathroom. Still there’s no sound, but the tension in me doesn’t ease. If anything, my body gets more rigid as the seconds pass. It reminds me of watching a horror movie, when you know the axe murderer is going to jump out soon and you’re trying to brace yourself for the scare, but it isn’t working. That’s how life feels all the time now.

“This way,” Jon says, moving to the right.

I follow him without a word, holding my breath when he stops outside the first closed door. He turns the knob so slowly that it doesn’t make a sound, but when he eases the door open, the hinges creak. Sweat breaks out on my forehead and I lift my gun higher, my finger poised over the trigger. Jon nods, then shoves the door open, raising his own gun. But nothing moves, and even when we step inside, we find the room empty.

Jon lowers his gun and glances around like he’s expecting a zombie to materialize out of thin air. “Nothing.”

“Must be one of the other rooms.”

“It’s too quiet,” he says. “Maybe it’s just a dead body.”

“Maybe,” I say, shrugging.

We turn and head back the way we came, repeating the process at the next door, this time finding a bathroom. Again, the room is empty and dark.

That only leaves one room.

Jon stops outside the last door and takes a deep breath. Before he can open it, I press my ear against the wood. There’s a small scraping sound, but no moaning or growling or thumping. Nothing major.

“Something is in there,” I whisper.

Jon nods, and I step back as he turns the knob. I hold my breath, and he inhales sharply. My gun is up and ready when he shoves the door open, my heart beating a million beats a minute and only pounding faster when the scent of death smacks me in the face. My eyes sweep over the small space, but I don’t see a thing. Jon moves into the room, his gun still raised, and I follow. Still, nothing moves.

“Nothing,” Jon says.

I nod and I’m just about to lower my gun when a soft moan breaks through the silence. The hair on my arms stands up, and Jon rushes forward. I’m right behind him, charging across the room and rounding the end of the bed.

Laying on the floor is the corpse of a woman so rotten it makes my stomach turn. Her skin is thin and torn, and black ooze flows from every visible orifice, as well as a few tears in her gray flesh. She’s laying a puddle of the black stuff.

Her head is resting on the floor and for a second she doesn’t move, but then her eyes flick our way and she opens her mouth. A soft moan comes out and her fingers claw at the floor. She acts like she doesn’t have the energy to move, and she looks so pathetic that for the first time since I came face to face with a zombie, I actually feel sorry for the creature.

I lower my gun and shake my head. “What’s wrong with her?”

Jon’s own gun is down, and he nods to the woman as he shoves it in his waistband. “Look at her legs.”

For the first time, I look at the lower half of her body and realize the problem. The woman is missing her left leg. I scan the area and my gaze lands on the prosthetic sitting next to the bed. She must have had it off when she died.

Jon kneels in front of her, and his eyebrows furrow. “She’s been lying here since she turned. You think she’s weak because she hasn’t been able to feed?”

Something like hope sparks inside me. “Maybe. Maybe they’ll all die off once they don’t have a food source anymore.”

Jon nods but doesn’t reply. He pulls out his knife and I exhale when he slams the blade into the woman’s skull, releasing more of the black goo and filling the room with the sickening odor of zombie blood. The woman’s body goes slack and Jon slides the blade free, wiping it on the bed before replacing it in his sheath.

He stands and holds his hand out to me. “Come on, let’s get you some food.”

I hate how normal killing these things has become.

We head back into the living room, and for the first time, I’m able to get a good look at the place. It’s sparsely furnished but neat, and all the furniture has an antique look to it. Like it’s been passed down from generation to generation. It makes the emptiness of the house even more depressing than usual. No one will ever again pass this furniture on to the next generation.

Jon and I walk into the kitchen to find Gretchen sitting in the middle of the floor with an open jar of Jif. Eating it with a spoon. The salty scent of peanut butter hits me, and my knees go weak while my stomach tries to jump out of my body so it can get to the food.

“The cabinets are full,” Gretchen says through a mouth full of Jif.

My stomach growls so loud her eyebrows shoot up.

“Sit down,” Jon tells me. “I’ll get you something to eat.”

I sink to the floor next to Gretchen even though there’s a dining room table, and Jon digs through the cabinets. He hands me a can of tuna, then a box of crackers. The can is the kind that has a tab to open it, which makes it a hell of a lot faster than searching the kitchen drawers for a can opener.

I rip the top off, then dig out a few chunks of tuna and pop them into my mouth. The noise I let out sounds like it could come straight out of a porno. “Oh my God. I’ve never tasted anything so amazing, and I hate tuna.”

Gretchen giggles and rips into a bag of pretzels. “I feel like it’s Thanksgiving.”

Jon sits down next to me and drops an armload of food on the floor between us. My stomach growls again, and I tip the can up so I can dump it into my mouth.

“Careful,” he says, “You don’t want to choke.”

“At least I’ll die happy,” I say through a mouthful of tuna.

We eat in silence. Well, not silence exactly. There’s a lot of paper and plastic crinkling, and yummy noises, and even a few burps. We share a huge bottle of apple juice, drinking straight from the jug. Gretchen hit the nail on the head, this is exactly like Thanksgiving.

When I’m finally full, I realize my butt has fallen asleep. I pull myself up and stretch until my back pops. “What do we do now?”

“I can’t walk anymore,” Gretchen says, throwing herself back like she’s on the verge of death. Her voice has taken on a whiny tone I find irritating, but I can’t exactly argue with her. My legs are like jelly.

“She’s right. We need a car.”

Jon pulls himself up and stretches. He acts as sore as I feel. “I’ll check out back, but don’t get your hopes up.”

He heads out, and I plop down in one of the dining room chairs.

Gretchen looks up at me from her position on the floor. “So you two are together?”

I nod even though until this moment I hadn’t really thought about Jon and I being anything. “We’ve been through a lot since we met.”

“You’re lucky to have someone. Being alone sucks.”

“You don’t have to be alone anymore. You’re with us.”

She nods slowly but looks uncertain. “Being by myself sucked, but I’ve kind of been avoiding people. I’ve run into some groups that were nice, but to be honest, the thought of joining them was scary. I just don’t see how we’ll be able to make it through this okay, and I don’t know if I want to get my hopes up. Does that sound bad?”

“No. I think we’ve all had thoughts like that. It’s hard to stay positive when you know every moment could be your last. But you must have some hope or you wouldn’t be heading toward Hope.” I laugh. “God, that sounds ridiculous.”

Gretchen smiles, but it’s small.

The back door opens, and we both turn as Jon comes walking into the kitchen. A huge grin on his face. “You’re not going to believe this, but there’s a truck.”

I jump up so fast my head spins, and I have to sit back down. “Gassed up?”

“Not full, but there’s gas. Only problem is, there aren’t any keys.”

“So we look for them,” I say. “They have to be in the house somewhere, right?”

“In theory,” Jon says, “yes.”

Gretchen hauls herself up off the ground. “So what do we do if we can’t find them?”

“We can try to hotwire it,” Jon says. “Axl showed me how to do it, but I’ve never tried on my own.”

“Let’s worry about the keys first.” I head to the kitchen cabinets and open the first drawer. “If we can’t find them, we’ll worry about that. I can only focus on one problem at a time.”

Gretchen opens a drawer on the other side of the room, and we start digging. Jon heads into another part of the house, probably to check the bedrooms. I find forks and spoons and all kinds of knives. Even a can opener, which I pull out—we may need it down the road. No keys, though.

Once we’ve gone through every drawer, Gretchen and I head into the living room.

“Did you search out here?” I yell to Jon.

“Not yet,” he calls from the bedroom.

There aren’t a lot of places to look, but I open the few drawers anyway. I find some old black and white pictures, pens, and a deck of playing cards. Still no keys.

Jon comes out of the bedroom and holds out his hands. Empty. “Nothing.”

“What about the clothes?” Gretchen says. “My dad was always leaving his keys in the pocket of a jacket or a pair of pants. He could never find them.”

It sounds like her dad had some serious responsibility issues.

“Good idea.” Jon turns back to the bedroom. “I only checked the drawers. No pockets.”

“I’ll check in the other room,” Gretchen says.

She heads down the hall, and I look around. There’s a closet next to the front door, and I open it to find a few ratty-looking jackets that reek of tobacco and dirt. I grab one and dig through a pocket, pulling out a white cloth handkerchief that reminds me of my grandpa. He always used handkerchiefs instead of Kleenex. The other pocket is empty. The second jacket I pull out has a big brown stain on the front, and this time I don’t think of my grandpa. I think of Angus, and I’m shocked by how much it hurts to think I may never see that prick again. Damn. You know life’s shit when you miss an asshole like Angus. Of course, he had his sweet moments. He was good to me when we were in Vegas.

I exhale as I shove my hand into the pocket. When my fingers brush against metal, all the melancholy I felt a second ago melts away, and I let out a squeal of delight. “I found them!” Jon and Gretchen come running and I turn to face them, holding the keys out in front of me. “You’re a genius, Gretchen.”

Her cheeks turn pink and she shakes her head. “I’m sure you would have thought of it.”

“I don’t know about that.” Jon takes the keys out of my hand, then heads for the back door. “I’m going to see if it starts.”

I exhale and close my eyes, still smiling. We are going to have a car. No more walking. No more freezing. Hopefully, we’ll be able to catch up with everyone else.

Things are finally looking up.

“We should pack up the food,” Gretchen says.

I open my eyes and shoot her a big grin. “Good idea.”

Gretchen and I have all the food we can find packed into a couple brown paper bags when Jon comes back in. He stomps his feet in front of the door, leaving behind two piles of brown snow.

“It started.”

“Thank God!” Gretchen says.

The expression on Jon’s face is grim, though, and it makes my heart start beating wildly. “What is it?”

“It’s snowing, and it’s really coming down.”

Shit! I jump to my feet and grab a bag. “We need to go. Before the tracks are covered. Before we lose their trail!”

“What about looking through the closets for warmer clothes?” Gretchen asks.

I know she doesn’t care about finding everyone else, so I understand why she isn’t worried. But I care. I care a lot.

“Make it fast,” I snap. “Five minutes. That’s it!”

Jon takes the bag out of my hand but points back toward the bedrooms. “I’ll load the food. You go get a couple extra shirts and socks. Some blankets. We don’t have a whole lot of room in the cab of the truck and it’s going to be a tight fit, but we need some extra stuff.”

“It will help us stay warm,” I say as I turn and practically run to the bedrooms.

Ignoring the zombie corpse on the floor, I grab the first two sweaters I can find that are thick. Then I get four pairs of wool socks—thank God this poor woman had wool socks—and pull a quilt off the end of the bed—not the one Jon wiped his knife on. It takes me thirty seconds. I’m not shopping and I’m not worried about fashion.

“I’m going, Gretchen!” I yell as I head to the kitchen.

“Already?” She sticks her head out of the other bedroom, holding a shirt in each hand.

“Yes.”

I open the back door and stop in my tracks. The truck is an old Ford that was probably made in the early sixties. It’s so faded the red paint almost looks pink. There are rust spots in several places, and even an area over the back tire where the metal has rusted away completely. It doesn’t look like a very reliable vehicle.

“You ready?” Jon asks.

I nod and head to the truck. The snow is really coming down and the wind is blowing, which means the tracks are going to get covered up fast.

“Will it break down?”

“Hopefully we don’t have far to go,” Jon says. “But since it’s our only option, we can’t really be picky, now can we?”

“I guess not.”

Gretchen comes out of the house behind us. Her once empty backpack now bulges with whatever it is she found in the house. She frowns when she sees the truck, but she doesn’t complain.

We climb in and somehow I end up in the middle, squeezed between Gretchen and Jon. With the blankets and food and extra clothes we took, it’s a really tight squeeze. But I was right, it helps keep me warm. Jon backs the truck up, then eases it down the driveway. The shocks must be bad on the thing, because we bounce around like we’re in a popcorn machine. When he reaches the road and I see how covered the tracks already are, a little bit of my hope slips away. Hopefully, they left some other kind of trail for us to follow.

18

LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES INTO THE drive I realize we aren’t going to be able to rely on the tracks. The snow coming down is so thick we can’t see very far in front of us, and the wind sweeps across the road so hard it blows the truck back and forth. With every gust, more snow covers the trail our friends left behind.

I can’t stop my leg from shaking.

“Calm down,” Jon says. “We’ll find them. I’m sure they left clues for us.”

“Yeah.”

I chew on my nails, then spit them on the floor when they rip off. There was a time when my nails were perfect. When I’d set time aside every week for a pampering session. Manicure, pedicure, massage, and facial. At an expensive salon. Then there were the bi-weekly hair appointments to keep me looking strawberry blonde. I thought it made me stand out. My real hair is a light brown color that resembles dirty dishwater.

It all seems so stupid now.

We drive in tense silence. Jon grips the steering wheel, trying to keep the truck on the road as the winter storm swirls violently around us. Gretchen leans her head against the window and sleeps like we’re on some kind of family road trip. I chew my nails until the tips of my fingers are raw.

I think we’ve been on the road for an hour before I really acknowledge that the trail is gone. When it hits me full force, it takes my breath away.

“We’re lost,” I mumble.

Jon shakes his head. “No. This is the right road.”

I twist in the seat so I’m facing him. “What do you mean?”

“This is the road to Hope Springs.”

A feeling of betrayal so strong comes over me that I almost hit him. Now I know how Caesar felt right after he realized Brutus had stabbed him in the back. “We’re supposed to be looking for our friends!”

Jon glances my way, but his eyes don’t linger on my face. He’s too busy trying to keep us from crashing into the snowdrifts that have formed on the side of the road. “Hadley, you and I both know we aren’t going to find them. Not like this. The best thing to do is head to Hope. Maybe they’ll already be there. Maybe they’ll show up later. Maybe we’ll never see them again. Regardless, we need to get someplace safe.”

I hate that he’s right.

When the needle on the gas gauge gets so low it threatens to break off, Jon pulls into a driveway. It’s a brick ranch-style house that sits far back from the road. There’s a garage and a steel barn in the back, and two children’s bikes sitting in the yard, now covered in snow. The front door is wide open.

Jon parks the truck right in front of the garage, then pulls out his gun. “Let me go in first, make sure it’s clear.”

“Be careful,” I say.

He gives me a smile, then shoves the door open. Gretchen and I sit in tense silence, watching him walk up to the front door. He pauses and knocks on the open door, then takes a step inside. I lean forward like it will help me see through the walls. I didn’t realize letting him out of my sight would be so terrifying.

He’s gone for less than five minutes, and when he comes back he’s more relaxed. He jogs to the truck through the snow and jerks the door open. “It’s clear. Let’s bring everything in. I don’t want to risk it getting stolen.”

“Good idea,” I say, handing him one of the grocery bags.

We get inside and set everything down. Then Jon and I work together to move the couch in front of the door. We have to kick a pile of snow out of the way, but otherwise it takes less than a minute. Then we move a huge hutch over to block the big front window. It’s full of glass knickknacks that fall over and break as we push the thing across the floor. I almost feel bad. They could have been someone’s prized possessions. Wedding or christening gifts. Things that used to belong to a beloved aunt. They’re just useless junk now, though.

The house isn’t any warmer than it was outside, thanks to the fact that the front door was wide open. But we luck out and find a wood-burning fireplace in the family room just off the kitchen.

“I’m going to head out to that barn,” Jon says. “I bet they have wood out there.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” I ask. “I don’t like the thought of you being alone.”

He shakes his head, then grabs my hand. “You have no idea how much it means to me that you care.”

It seems corny, but I get what he means. A few days ago, I might not have been worried about him getting killed. To be honest, I’m not sure if I would have been worried about getting myself killed all that much either. Now though, I feel like Jon and I have reached a point where we might be able to carve a future out for ourselves. If we can just hold on long enough.

Gretchen and I get blankets out of a closet and pillows from the bedrooms, then set them up in the living room while Jon heads outside. We’re going to want to stick as close to this fireplace as we can. With the storm and freezing temperature outside, it’s going to be a chilly night.

Jon comes back with an armful of wood. He tracks a ton of snow into the house, but I’m too excited at the prospect of a fire to care that he got the carpet wet. He drops the load, then heads out for more while I pile logs into the fireplace.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Gretchen asks.

“Not really, but we’ll figure it out. See if you can find some paper. I’ve seen people use newspapers and stuff to get a fire going, so we’ll start with that.”

Gretchen digs through the kitchen behind me while I try to organize the wood. I know air needs to be able to get in so the fire will catch, but I’m not really sure how to do it. I wish I’d paid more attention when I was little and my parents took us camping.

Gretchen comes back and shoves a handful of paper in my face, coming dangerously close to giving my eye a paper cut. “I found these.”

“Thanks,” I say, jerking my head back as I take it out of her hand.

They’re bills from the family who used to live here. I light a match as I catch sight of the massive number on the credit card statement, along with the red letters announcing that the account is more than ninety days delinquent. I hold the flame up to the paper. Watching it catch gives me a strange sense of triumph.

“This is probably something these people always wished they could do.”

Gretchen snorts, but she doesn’t respond. Maybe she’s thinking about her father and his money problems.

By the time Jon comes back with a second load of wood, I have several other bills burning and shoved between the logs.

“You got it going?” he asks, setting the wood down next to me.

I blow gently on the flames. “Waiting to see if it catches.”

The three of us stare silently into the orange flames. I hold my breath and watch the fire flicker across the wood, waiting to see if it disappears after the paper is gone. It doesn’t, and after a couple minutes I’m able to sit back.

Jon loads another log, then shuts the screen. He sits down next to me, our shoulders touching as we stare into the fireplace without talking. Gretchen is already curled up under a couple blankets, and even though it isn’t dark out yet, I consider doing the same thing. Sleep would be nice.

“There’s a car in the barn,” Jon says quietly. “Half a tank. We could head out in the morning and make it to Hope with no problem as long as the weather doesn’t stop us.”

“This seems like a lot of snow for this time of year.”

He nods and moves his hand to my leg. “Yeah.”

We sit side by side, quietly staring into the flames for a little longer. Gretchen starts snoring. I can’t stop thinking about everyone else. Wondering if they’re okay right now. If they found shelter or if they’re all huddled together in the back of the Sam’s truck. No matter what Jon says, I don’t see any real reason for them to go to Hope Springs.

A shiver runs down my spine.

“Are you cold?” Jon asks.

I nod even though I’m not sure if I am. He holds his arms out, and I scoot over until my back is against his chest. Then he wraps his arms around me. The fire crackles and an orange glow flickers through the room, lighting it up enough for us to see but leaving the corners dark. In my mind, I replay everything that’s happened the last few days. The more I think about it, the more I start to wonder if we’re ever going to find our group.

“What are we going to do if we never find them?”

“I know you care about them, and I do too. But we’re going to be okay whether or not we find them.”

“I know,” I whisper, even though I’m not sure I do know. “I’ll miss them. Vivian especially. We’ve been through a lot together.”

Jon’s lips brush against the top of my head. “I know, I’m sorry.”

There’s so much more to it than just missing them. I feel like someone who fought with their loved one right before they walked out the door and got into a car accident. The way I acted before we left camp was horrible, and what I did…I can’t even think about it without feeling ashamed.

“I kissed Axl,” I blurt out, then cover my face with my hands.

Jon’s body turns to stone behind me. “What?”

“I said, ‘I kissed Axl.’” My hands are still over my face, so the words come out muffled. Jon doesn’t move and his body doesn’t relax. I count to ten, and when he still hasn’t said anything I drop my hands and say, “I don’t know why. It was stupid and impulsive and now I’m so ashamed and terrified of what Vivian must think of me.”

“That’s why you two were fighting before we left camp?”

I nod and chew on my lip until I’m on the verge of biting it off.

“What were you hoping would happen?” he asks after a few seconds.

“Nothing! I don’t know.” I take deep breath. “I was terrified. I knew I was pregnant and we’d been on the road for weeks and I didn’t know what was going to happen with me and you.”

“So you wanted to steal Axl from Vivian? From your friend?” The venom in his voice makes me want to pull away from him, but he hasn’t loosened his grasp on me.

“No. I don’t like Axl, not like that. I was just standing there talking to him, arguing about going to look for meds, and all I could think about was what a good leader he was. How Vivian would be okay if she was the one pregnant. Then I kissed him. I didn’t think about it, I just did it.”

“What did he do?” Jon whispers, sounding like he’s afraid Axl threw me on the ground and screwed me.

“What do you think? He pushed me off and walked away. We didn’t talk about it. I didn’t get a chance to explain why I did it, not to him or to Vivian.”

“So Vivian knew?”

“He had to have told her. Don’t you think he would have told her?”

Jon sighs, and his body finally relaxes. “No, I don’t think he told her. I don’t know if he would have told her even if we hadn’t disappeared, but there’s no way he’s told her now. He wouldn’t do that to her.”

Jon’s right, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

“I still hate that I did it. I feel like a stranger in my own body. I’m not Hadley Lucas anymore. She seems like such a ridiculous person when I look back on who she was. That isn’t me.”

“We’re all different now, Hadley.”

I exhale, then say, “Did I ever tell you my real name?” I know I didn’t, but I ask anyway. I never opened up to Jon before.

“No,” he says, brushing the hair off my forehead.

“Virginia. I went by Ginny.” Jon runs his hand down my head, and I lean back until my forehead is touching his cheek. “Will you call me Ginny?”

“You don’t want to be Hadley anymore?”

“No.”

“I’ll call you Ginny.” His lips brush against my hair, and I close my eyes.

“I’m tired.”

“Then go to sleep, Ginny. I’ll stay up. Keep an eye on things.”

I nod and scoot closer to him. His arms tighten around me, and when I exhale, I feel like I’m blowing Hadley Lucas away. She isn’t me and I don’t want to keep her around. I don’t want people to recognize me anymore.

“Thank you, Jon,” I whisper just as I start to drift off.

19

WHEN I WAKE UP THE SUN shining in through the front window is blinding, and I’m twisted up in the blankets. Jon’s pressed right up against me and his shallow breathing fills the room. The fire is low, but thanks to Jon, I’m warm and cozy. I’m not sure I shivered once at all last night.

But of course, I have to pee.

I wiggle out from under the blankets and stumble to my feet. My eyes refuse to open all the way, thanks to the rays shining in from around the china cabinet. It’s a good thing we shoved it in front of the window or the room would be brighter than the surface of the sun.

It’s so bright my eyes are barely cracked. I have to hold my arms out in front of me, but I still make a detour at the window, foring my eyes open the rest of the way. Outside, everything is covered in a blanket of snow. It’s all white and soft and undisturbed, and with the snow covering everything like this, the world looks pure and clean and perfect.

It’s misleading.

My bladder pulses painfully, so I turn away from the snow-covered world and I head back to the bathroom. We may not be able to flush, but we’ve still been using the toilet. Which means the stench of urine hits me from five feet away. I hold my breath and head in. This world is no place for the weak-hearted.

Once I’ve relieved myself and escaped the stench of the bathroom, I head into the master bedroom to have a look around. I’m curious about these people. The bikes in the front yard, the family pictures. The unpaid bills. They seemed like they were so normal. Average. I wonder where they are now. Where they died and if they all stumbled out of here together. If they’re traveling in a horde as a zombie family.

If they still recognize one another.

A wedding picture sits on the dresser, and I stop in front of it. Studying the smiling couple. She’s wearing a strapless gown and a rhinestone tiara, he has on a gray tux. They’re attractive and happy, and it’s clear by the joy on their faces that they’re looking forward to the future. That they never imagined they’d struggle over money issues or succumb to a killer virus. Or turn into flesh-eating monsters.

When I look up from the picture, I’m met with my own reflection. My face is thin and there are dark rings under my eyes. I don’t look like Hadley Lucas the movie star anymore. Really, the only thing that might give me away is the strawberry blonde hair. It won’t be around forever, though. The room is dark, but even in the dim light, my brown roots are visible. I could just cut the red out and walk away and never think about Hadley Lucas again. I could be Ginny. The girl from Ohio who lost her family to the virus. She never went to Vegas. Never got taken by a group of madmen. Was never violated. She could be a sweet girl who found love after the infection. Who is scared, but happy to start a family with a caring man.

She could go to sleep at night and not have nightmares.

I turn away from the mirror and head toward the bathroom. They should have a pair of scissors in one of the drawers.

Jon is awake when I walk into the living. When he looks up, his eyes get huge, making my stomach twist so hard I’m afraid it’s going to burst. I stop dead in my tracks and wring my hands together nervously. Does he hate it? It’s hard to tell because he isn’t blinking. He’s just…staring.

He gets to his feet but doesn’t walk toward me. “What did you do?”

“It started out as a trim. You know, like Parv’s. But I went a little overboard. Next thing I knew I was cutting it all off.” I self-consciously run my hand over my head, and the short hair tickles my palm. “Do you hate it?”

Maybe this was a dumb idea. What if he doesn’t like it? What if he finds it repulsive?

I’m surprised at how much the thought scares me.

He lets out a deep breath as he walks toward me, then touches a tender spot on my head. “I wish you had let me help. You’re bleeding in a couple spots.”

“You don’t think I look hideous?” I ask, looking up at him with wide eyes.

He shakes his head and runs his hand over my head again. “I think you’re going to be cold.”

I laugh and he does too. He holds his arms out, and I practically fall against his chest. When he wraps his arms around me, it feels nice. Like maybe we can be the couple in that picture. Smiling, looking toward the future with hopefulness.

The car we get from the house is a lot roomier than the truck was. Jon and I sit in the front while Gretchen stretches out in the back. We have blankets and food in the trunk, plus some extra clothes we took from the bedrooms. We even threw in a couple snow shovels and flares in case we have car trouble. Thinking ahead. That’s what will keep us alive.

There’s at least a foot of snow on the ground, and it doesn’t hit me how rough that’s going to be on us until Jon pulls out of the barn. It’s going to be slow going with the roads not plowed. Then there’s the wind. It’s still blowing, pushing snow across our path and creating drifts so large they could swallow a small child.

“How far do we have to go?” I ask.

Jon’s hands tighten on the steering wheel as he pulls onto the snow-covered street. “We have ten miles or so to go. At this rate it will take us all day.”

The wind whips across the road, moving the whole car with it.

“Great,” I mumble.

Gretchen leans forward, sticking her head over the seat. “Don’t you think it’s weird that we haven’t seen a single zombie walking around since we left that town? I mean, we haven’t even seen tracks. You think it’s because of the snow? Like it froze them or something.”

“It would make sense,” I say. “Remember how icy the ones that tried to attack us were?”

Jon nods but doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “Yeah. Maybe the cold will slow them down. That will make the winter a hell of a lot more tolerable.”

I snort. “Yeah. Then we’ll only have to worry about freezing to death, not about being ripped apart by the walking dead.”

“Maybe they won’t thaw out in the spring?” Gretchen says hopefully.

“That would be too much to hope for,” I say, rolling my eyes. “But if they do, we can always move up to Alaska.”

Jon’s eyes move my way for a split second before going back to the road. “Are you serious?”

“No, not really,” I say, then let out a laugh. “Then again, living in perpetual winter might be better than living in zombie world.”

Gretchen’s face scrunches up like she’s trying to think something through. “Weren’t you in that movie?”

“Nope,” I say, shaking my head. “Ginny was never in the movies.”

“You’re really sticking with that?” she asks, her face scrunching up even more.

“Yup.”

Gretchen throws herself back against the seat. “I don’t see why. If people recognize you, they may be more willing to help you.”

My stomach twists when I think about how wrong she is. “The few times I’ve been recognized by people, helping me wasn’t really on their list of priorities.”

Jon’s hands tighten on the wheel, and I know it has nothing to do with the wind or snow or the icy road under our tires. I put my hand on his knee, and he shoots me a timid smile. As much as I don’t want it to, I know this thing will always hang over our heads. I can make Gretchen call me Ginny and tell everyone we meet that’s who I am, but it doesn’t erase Hadley Lucas from existence. I wish it did, but it’s impossible.

We lapse into silence as the car cuts its way through the white, powdery snow. My hand is still on Jon’s leg and I have no intention of moving it. Having him with me feels so much better than it did a few days ago. So much more reassuring than it would even if Axl were here. I still feel like a moron for what I did, but Jon’s right. Axl would never tell Vivian, and even if I were given the chance to talk to her about it, I don’t think she’d even be that upset. She would understand, or try to anyway.

Our progress is slower than I thought it would be. Thanks to the wind, the snow is so deep in places it seems more like three feet than one. Jon doesn’t relax for a second, and I’m pretty sure by the time we get there his shoulders will be so full of knots he won’t be able to sleep tonight.

We hit some ice buried under the snow, and the tires whirl under us, causing the car to fishtail. I have a strange thought that the car is trying to make a snow angel, the way its back end slides back and forth. Jon swears and grips the wheel tighter, trying to turn into the tailspin like you’re supposed to when you hit ice. I don’t even know if he realizes he’s supposed to do that or if it’s just instinct. He’s always lived in Nevada. No snow there.

“Shit,” he mutters.

Gretchen whines behind me and I grab the edge of my seat like it will somehow keep me safe if we end up in the ditch. The car veers left, right toward an especially large snowdrift. Jon jerks the wheel hard to the right, but it has the opposite effect, and the car slides closer to the drift. When we slam into it, snow flies up around us. The car comes to a stop and Gretchen yelps, but the impact wasn’t hard enough to hurt any of us. Not that I can say the same for the car. I can’t even see out Jon’s window. It’s totally covered in snow.

“Shit,” Jon says again.

I swallow and pry my hands off the seat. My fingers ache from gripping it so hard. “Try to pull out.”

It’s pointless and I know it. The car is tilted toward the driver’s side like the tires are stuck in the ditch. It’s impossible to know how deep it is thanks to the snow, but it doesn’t look good from where I’m sitting. Which is at least a foot higher than Jon.

He nods and presses down on the gas. The tires spin and the car lurches about an inch forward, but that’s it. We’re stuck.

“We could dig ourselves out,” Gretchen says.

“Yeah,” Jon replies. “Maybe.”

He doesn’t sound very hopeful, and I don’t blame him. It’s pretty clear we’re not getting out of here unless someone comes by who can pull us out. Since most of the population is dead, I can’t imagine that happening.

“I can’t get out my door,” Jon says, turning to face me. “What about yours?”

“I’ll try,” I say.

I grab the handle, then shove my shoulder against the door. It swings open, and a pile of snow falls off the roof, covering me from head to toe. It’s like being slapped in the face by Frosty the Snowman.

“Crap,” I mutter.

I jump out and shake my head while trying to brush as much of the snow off me as possible. If it melts I’m going to be soaked, and being stuck out in the middle of nowhere, I’ll risk hypothermia or frostbite.

Jon climbs out behind me, but Gretchen stays where she is. He heads to the back of the car, and I follow. The wind blows so hard it makes my teeth rattle. The sky’s pretty clear, though. Hopefully we won’t have another storm.

Jon stares at the closed trunk, and I don’t even have to ask why he isn’t opening it. The drift we crashed into has totally covered the back of the car. We’re going to have to dig it out if we want to get in, and since our shovels are in the trunk, we’re going to have to use our hands.

“How do you want to deal with this?” I ask. “Dig it out and hope we can use the shovels to free the car, or try to make it on foot?”

Jon exhales and rolls his head like he’s trying to get his neck to crack. “I don’t know. I don’t think either way is going to work, but the alternative is to sit in the car and hope someone who can help comes by. We both know that isn’t an option, either.”

“Yeah.”

We stare at the trunk in silence. All our stuff is in there, including most of our food. In hindsight, I realize how stupid that was. We were planning ahead, but using our old way of thinking. We didn’t put ourselves in zombie world. If we had, we would have realized having our stuff within arm’s reach is always the best plan.

“We have to open it,” I say finally. “If we don’t, we’re going to die for sure.”

“I know.”

“What are you guys doing back there?” Gretchen calls from the car, but she still doesn’t get out.

Jon looks toward her, then back at me. He frowns. “I’ll do it. You go sit in the car with Gretchen.”

“I can help you.”

“I don’t want you to.” Jon starts digging in the snow, not even looking at me. “Go sit in the car where it’s warm.”

I consider arguing with him, but based on the stubborn expression on his face, I know it’s pointless. He’s trying to be the man and take charge, which is what I wanted from him to begin with. Now that he’s doing it, I feel guilty. Like I’ve somehow given him a death sentence.

I head back to the car and climb in. Gretchen has cranked the heat up, and my icy skin thaws within minutes. A scraping sound starts behind us as Jon digs through the snow, trying to get to the trunk. It sounds like something is trying to burrow its way inside the car.

“What’s going on?” Gretchen asks.

“The snowdrift covered the trunk. Jon’s trying to get us out.”

Gretchen’s eyes get huge, but she nods like it’s no big deal. I hold my hands up to the heater and rub them together while I wait for Jon.

I have no idea how long it takes, but finally I hear the creak of the trunk’s hinges. The car is starting to feel stuffy, so I shove the door open and hop out.

“Where are you—”

I slam the door before I have a chance to hear the rest of what Gretchen is going to say. She should know where I’m going, and frankly, I don’t care how old she is. She should have at least volunteered to come out and help.

Jon comes around the side of the car, carrying a shovel. “Go back inside.”

“I want to help you.”

“I don’t want you to. I want you to stay inside where you’re warm and safe.”

“Who’s going to watch your back?”

Jon sighs and stops in front of me. He rests the shovel on the ground and leans against the handle. “Ginny, please do what I say.”

The fact that he calls me Ginny instead of Hadley makes my heart swell. I love that he cares enough to listen, enough to understand. That he wants to make this thing between us work so much he’s willing to take me bald and skinny and as just a regular person. Not a celebrity.

It makes me realize exactly how much I care about Jon.

“Okay,” I say. “I’ll go back inside. But be careful. And yell if you need any help.”

He gives me a relieved smile, then picks the shovel back up. “I will.”

I climb back inside, and Gretchen sits forward when I shut the door. “You’re back.”

“Jon wants to do it himself.”

She nods like she understands, but there’s no way she could. She doesn’t have a clue what we’ve been through.

“Because you’re pregnant?”

I turn around so I’m facing her. “How did you know?”

“I knew something was up, then I saw Jon touch your belly this morning before we left the house.” She hesitates, and I hold my breath, waiting to find out what she’s going to say. “Are you scared?”

“I don’t think I could ever face anything as scary as this,” I say with more sincerity than I’ve ever felt before.

Gretchen nods a couple times. Then a little smile turns up her lips. “At least you have someone to be with you. He’s going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

She’s right about that. I’m pretty sure Jon would throw himself on a landmine to save me if he had to. Or in front of a horde of zombies.

We lapse into silence as the sound of the shovel scraping against pavement and banging into the hood echoes through the car. The windows start to fog up, but being away from Jon makes me nervous, so I’m constantly wiping the condensation away. Trying to get a good look at him through the windshield. All I can see is his dark hair, though. Nothing else, and nothing behind him. I hate that he won’t let me stay out there. Even if we haven’t seen a single zombie since we left Millersville, you just never know.

When Jon finally comes back to the car, I have to hop out so he can climb into the driver’s seat. His cheeks are a brilliant shade of red and the tip of his nose reminds me of Rudolph. His fingers are so bright they look painful.

I slam the door behind me after I climb back in, then crank up the heater. Jon’s shivering.

“Give me your hands.”

He tries to resist, but I grab his hands anyway. His fingers feel like icicles. I pull them toward the heater vent, then rub them between my own hands in front of the warm air. Jon’s teeth chatter together.

“Did you get us out?” Gretchen asks, leaning between our seats.

I shoot her a dirty look. “Will you let him warm up at least?”

“He can answer me and get warm at the same time!”

“It-t’s ok-kay.” Jon swallows, then tenses his jaw like he’s trying to get it to obey. “I did the b-best I c-could.”

He doesn’t look hopeful that it will work, though.

After a few minutes, Jon pulls his hands out of mine and turns to put the car in gear. “Here goes.”

I hold my breath, and out of the corner of my eye I see Gretchen cross her fingers. Jon presses down on the gas. The tires spin against the icy road, but we don’t move. The engine revs when Jon gives the car more gas. We rock forward but still don’t go anywhere. Jon gives it more gas, but still nothing happens.

He slams the car into park, then sits back. “We’re not getting out of this ditch.”

“What now?” Gretchen asks, her voice ringing with panic.

“We’re going to have to walk,” Jon says, sounding exasperated. I can’t blame him. Gretchen’s whininess has increased exponentially throughout the day. It’s seems like now that she has a couple adults to take care of her, she’s reverted to her selfish teenage attitude.

“Before we even think about going somewhere, we’re going to get you warm,” I say.

I scoot over until my body is pressed up against his and rub his hands between mine again. They still feel like they’re covered in a layer of ice.

Jon grins at me. A little boy grin that’s full of mischief and gives me a glimpse of who he probably was when he was younger. “You know what would really warm me up?” He wiggles his eyebrows, and I belt out a laugh.

“Ew,” Gretchen says.

Jon grabs me and pulls me onto his lap. “You can wait outside, right Gretchen?”

“I’m going to barf.”

Jon doesn’t look away from me. His green eyes move over my face, making my skin warm. When he caresses my cheek with the back of his hand, something inside me flutters. It’s like a part of me that I was sure had died is starting to wake up. It makes my heart beat in a different rhythm than it ever has before and fills me with something sweet and hopeful and beautiful. Something that should never exist in this insane world.

“I love you,” Jon whispers.

Then he pulls me against him and his mouth covers mine, and I don’t care that Gretchen is there. I don’t care about what happened in the past or what might happen to us in the future. I only care that I have Jon here. Now. That we managed to do the impossible and find a little bit of happiness in the middle of this insanity.

When he finally pulls away, the sound of Gretchen’s gagging noises makes me giggle.

“Spare me,” she says. “We need to get moving, get to Hope, and find you two a room before you get her pregnant a second time.”

I roll my eyes and Jon grins.

“Okay,” he says. “Let’s get a move on.”

“You sure you’re warm enough?”

He plants a big, wet kiss on my cheek. “Very.”

I slide off his lap and we all climb out, taking the few things we had in the car with us. Then we head to the back. Jon pops the trunk again, and we dig through it. We aren’t going to be able to take all the food we have in the back, which makes me sad. There’s just too much to carry, especially when we aren’t sure how far we have to go.

“Take the lighter stuff,” Jon says, handing me a box of granola bars. “When we get to Hope, we can let them know where the car is and maybe they’ll come back for the rest.”

We’re in the middle of stuffing our packs when the sound of an engine makes me freeze. Jon whips out his gun, and Gretchen ducks behind the car. I can’t move as I stare down the snowy road at the truck headed our way.

It’s big. Like something that was made for the snow, and it’s equipped with spotlights. The front has a plow and there are metal pieces welded to the sides, giving the windows more protection. There are even spikes sticking out from the middle of the tires like a chariot and a gun mounted in the back. When it gets closer, I notice there are two other vehicles behind it. One is a military truck like you’d see full of troops, and the other is another smaller truck. They’re both as decked out as the first one is.

“Hide,” Jon hisses, shoving me behind him. “Let me talk to them. See if they’re friendly.”

I don’t argue. I pull my gun, then duck down behind the car, moving back until I’m pushed as far against the snowdrift as I can get. Gretchen is down so low she’s practically under the car. If she could get under there, I’m sure she would.

Jon steps out just as the trucks come to a stop. I hear the doors open and people get out, but I can’t see what’s going on. It makes my whole body tense.

“Hey there!” a deep voice calls out. “Run into a little trouble?”

“Yeah,” Jon says. “Hit some ice. A few snow plows would be nice.”

The man with the deep voice laughs. “Among other things, am I right? We’d be glad to help pull you out.”

“I’d appreciate that,” Jon says.

“You alone?” someone new asks.

His voice isn’t as deep, but he sounds laidback. Like he’s just asking because he’s curious, not because he’s digging for information. It’s hard to tell for sure from back here, though. I wish I could see them.

Jon clears his throat, and snow crunches like he’s shuffling his feet. “Was with a pretty good size group a couple days ago but got separated. Trying to catch up with them, to be honest.”

“Big group?” the second man says. “We’ve come across a couple people here and there, but no more than four at time I don’t think.”

“Naw,” comes the deep voice. “No big parties.”

“Well, I’ll just have to keep looking,” Jon says.

Footsteps crunch through the snow, coming our way. I scoot back, and Gretchen slams her hands over her mouth. Her eyes look like they’re ready to pop out of her head.

“You’re welcome to do that, or you could come with us,” the man with the deep voice says. “We’ve got a town less than a mile from here. We’ve been working on getting people there since right after this mess started. We have things set up real good. I think we have a chance, especially now that winter’s here. These things don’t seem to be able to handle the cold so well. We’re coming across fewer and fewer. The ones still moving around are slow.”

“We’ve noticed that,” Jon replies.

“We?” There’s amusement in the second man’s voice. “You got people with you?”

There are more footsteps. Like someone is headed our way. My heart pounds, and I try to figure out what to do. If it’s safe. If I should stand up.

Gretchen’s hands are still clamped over her mouth. She shakes her head when I look her way, like she’s telling me not to make a sound. It’s stupid to stay here, though. They know we’re around.

I grab Gretchen and pull her close to me. “I’m Ginny. Do you understand?”

She nods so fast her red hair falls from underneath the hood of her parka.

I stand up, pulling her with me, then step around the side of the car. A big black man with a shaved head grins, revealing perfectly straight teeth that are as white as the snow we’re standing on.

“Howdy,” he says in the same booming voice. “Name’s Donovan.”

I stop next to Jon, but Gretchen stays behind me. Donovan looks me over, but there’s no recognition in his eyes. Good.

“Hi,” I say. “I’m Ginny and this is Gretchen.”

A man behind Donovan chuckles, then steps forward. “Richard.”

Richard is thin and wiry and close to sixty. He has a scraggly gray beard that probably matches the hair under his stocking cap. He grins like he’s amused, but I’m not sure why. There are several other men behind him and Donovan, and even a couple women. They’re all armed and look like they’re ready for action, but they don’t seem particularly threatening.

Jon steps close to me. “Sorry, you just never know who you can trust these days.”

“No apologies,” Donovan says. “It’s not an unusual reaction to us pulling up, believe it or not.”

“You said you had a town?” Gretchen says from behind me.

“We do.” Richard walks closer and tries to get a good look at Gretchen, but I doubt he can. She’s right behind me.

“Hope Springs,” Donovan says.

Gretchen steps around me. “Then it’s real?”

“You’ve heard of us?” Richard grins like he’s looking at an adorable toddler. He has a very grandfatherly feel to him.

“I came across a couple groups who said they’d heard about the town, but I wasn’t sure if it was true.” She smiles, and it lights up her face. “I prayed it was, though.”

“Well, looks like someone is still out there answering prayers,” Donovan says. “Even if it does feel like hell on Earth these days.”

“When can we go?” Gretchen asks.

20

I GIVE AXL A QUICK KISS ON my way to the passenger side of the SUV. Behind us, Angus and Darla load into another car, and in front of us, Winston and Parvarti climb into the Sam’s truck. It’s looking a little worse for wear after our escape from Millersville and we had to cover the missing driver’s side window, but it’s still drivable. And if everything goes as planned, we’re going to need it.

Brady opens the gate for us while Al and Lila stand guard, and Winston leads the way through. It’s only ten miles to Duncan, but we plan on taking advantage of the trip by cleaning out every store we can find. If we have to make more than one trip today, we will. Of course, we’ll have to see how bad the roads are. With all the snow we got yesterday, it’s going to be rough.

We drive in almost total silence. The snow is thick and the drive takes longer than it should, and more than once Axl has to tighten his hands on the wheel when the tires slide on the slick roads. Otherwise, we don’t have much trouble, and we don’t see a single zombie until we get closer to Duncan. I catch sight of the first ones stumbling through the snow around the same time that the buildings come into view. There are only a handful of the dead, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t more. This is a town, so odds are we’re going to hit a big group of them at some point.

We follow Brady’s directions, getting off the main road so we can cut through a residential area and get to the more commercial part of the city. The houses we pass are small but nice, and it doesn’t escape my notice that most of their front doors are open. Whether it’s from the zombies who died inside and wandered out or survivors raiding them, it’s hard to tell. I’d guess the first one, though. The snow covering the road is surprisingly undisturbed.

Soon signs come into view. Lowe’s, Costco, Home Depot. The Wal-Mart we pass is in a small, run-down shopping center with several other random businesses, one of which is a big thrift store.

“There,” I say, pointing out the window. “We need to check there.”

Axl glances toward the store, then looks at me with eyebrows raised. “Why’s that?”

“Simple. Regular stores only carry seasonal clothes, which means no winter stuff. But thrift stores carry winter clothes all year long. They may be used, but we’re not trying to enter any fashion shows right now, so who cares.”

“Ain’t a bad idea. We’ll hit it up on the way out.” He shoots me a grin, and I beam back at him.

When we pull into the Lowe’s parking lot, Winston backs the Sam’s truck up to the door. Axl parks at his side, and Angus next to us. The world is silent when we climb out, but we all have our guns drawn anyway. I’m tense as I look around the parking lot, checking for danger. A few zombies are headed toward us, but they’re far away right now and nothing we can’t handle. Parvarti can probably take them out with her bow before they get too close.

“You all know what we need,” Winston says, keeping his eyes on the zombies like he’s trying to figure out how long it will take them to get to us. “Work in teams of two, no splitting up. We go aisle to aisle, grabbing whatever we need. Get as much as we can.”

Angus spits and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Sounds like a plan.”

No one else says anything as we turn toward the store. Inside, I grab two carts, pulling one and pushing a second as I head to the left with Axl right behind me. When I lay eyes on a huge display of seeds, my mouth immediately starts to water. Tomatoes and cucumbers, potatoes and carrots. Strawberries and other fruit, too. Just thinking about fresh fruit and vegetables makes my stomach growl. We’re going to have our carts full in no time. We load the whole display into my cart, then move onto the fertilizer.

“I wish I knew more about gardening,” I say, dumping a few small shovels and gardening gloves into the cart. “Think we could grow some of this now? Maybe set up a greenhouse or use heat lamps?”

“Be willin’ to bet we could. Just gotta find the right books.”

“Yeah,” I say, nodding. “A bookstore would be nice.”

We move silently down the aisles, using flashlights to look things over. Along the back wall, I find a display of deadly-looking gardening tools and load them into the cart. Axl takes one look at the thick blade mounted on a long pole and raises his eyebrow. I don’t blame him. I could take the top of a zombie’s head off with this thing.

“Shoulda gone to Lowe’s to get weapons,” he says, shaking his head.

I snort in agreement. “Who knew?”

We hit the jackpot in the next aisle. Six kerosene heaters and cans of the fuel to make them work. Only they won’t all fit in our carts, which means it’s time to make a trip out to the truck. We stuff as much as we can fit into our shopping carts, then head outside to empty them. The sun is so bright I have to squint and shield my eyes so I can get a good look around. The zombies are still a good distance off.

“They’re slower than I thought,” I say as Axl hops into the truck and I start passing him things.

“Cold weather is helpin’ us.”

“Good thing.”

Angus and Darla come out of the store, their carts loaded down with barbed wire and nails and hammers and a bunch of other tools, and only a few minutes after that, Winston and Pavarti come out pushing a flatbed full of wood. We unload, then go back inside and refill, then repeat the process until my skin is so sweaty that every inch of my clothes clings to my body and I feel like my hands are covered in calluses. On our third trip to the truck, we step out just in time to see Parvarti release an arrow. It flies through the air and slices through a zombie’s head. The thing drops to the ground next to two others. Beyond that, though, more are headed our way.

“How many?” Axl asks, huffing as he wipes sweat from his brow.

“Ten, maybe?” I respond. “They’re spread out, though.”

Parvarti lowers her bow and heads back our way. “We’ll take them out when they get closer.”

She doesn’t even look at us as she heads to where Winston stands waiting for her.

“I’ve heard of ice queens, but I don’t think I ever met one until now,” I say, watching her disappear inside.

“She’s gotta deal with her shit the best way she knows how.”

So everyone keeps saying.

By the time we get all the stuff we need from Lowe’s, the truck is half full. I’m shocked by how much we were able to find, but more than anything, I’m excited by the kerosene heaters. We only found six, though. We want more than that, which means heading over to the Home Depot. Thankfully, they always seem to build these stores next to each other, so we don’t have far to go.

Bad thing is, the dead follow us.

We make it through Home Depot in record time. It’s as deserted as the Lowe’s was, and just as useful. We not only find another eight kerosene heaters and more fuel, but we also load up on even more seeds, barbed wire, and bottled water. We take the zombies out when they get close, but for the most part we leave them alone. I’ve seen ninety-year-old women who move faster than these things.

When we’re done at Home Depot, we head down the street to Costco.

My body is tight with tension when we pull to a stop outside the store. It reminds me of our trip to Sam’s Club and how all the people we picked up there are dead now except little Max. Nathan and Moira and Liz, as well as Dylan and Jhett. Not to mention Brad, that asshole who helped lead the men from the Monte Carlo back to us.

It almost feels like saving people is a waste of time.

“I hate going into stores that used to sell food,” I say as we approach the front door.

Darla nods, looking even less excited about the prospect than I am. “Not gonna smell good, that’s for sure.”

“Let’s just get it over with,” Angus grunts, pushing past me on his way to the door.

Axl follows his brother, and they work together, trying to pry the doors open while the rest of us stand in a semi-circle at their backs. More than twenty zombies are headed our way now, but it’s not just the dead that have me worried. With the truck loaded up the way it is, I don’t think all of us should go inside. It seems stupid to leave our supplies out in the open like this.

“A couple people should stay out here,” I say.

Angus looks over his shoulder as he pushes the door to the side. “Just ‘cause you got a weak stomach don’t mean you can get outta workin’.”

“I didn’t say I thought it should be me,” I snap. “I just think we’d be stupid to leave our stuff unguarded.”

“She’s right,” Winston says, glancing toward Axl.

He purses his lips and looks us over. “Parv, you wanna stay out here? Keep an eye out?”

She nods, barely reacting.

Then Axl’s eyes sweep over the rest of us and land on me. “Vivian?”

“Of course you’d tell me to stay outside.”

“You’re a good shot,” he says defensively. “You don’t gotta.”

Angus swears and heads into the store. “I’m gonna work on gettin’ us some food while you two fight about it.”

Axl frowns when Darla jogs after him, then Winston.

I roll my eyes and wave him toward the store. “Whatever. It’s fine. Let’s just get this over with so we can get out of here.”

Axl is shaking his head when he follows the others, leaving Parvarti and me alone.

She doesn’t say a word, not that I expected her to, and I don’t have a clue what to say to her. I feel like I’m with a stranger whenever we’re alone.

We stand in silence, watching the zombies stagger our way across the snow-covered parking lot. The town is utterly silent and empty and totally depressing. As much as I know we need supplies, I hate being in a town like this. It isn’t just the danger, it’s how real this whole thing seems in the midst of the stark silence.

“Was it Hadley’s?” Parvarti asks, making me jump.

I turn to face her, my heart pounding like crazy because she scared the shit out of me. I don’t have a clue what she’s talking about.

“What?”

“The test.”

Shit. I’d almost let myself forget about that.

“Thought you didn’t want to know,” I say, barely able to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

Her face is as expressionless as always when she shrugs. “Maybe I don’t, I can’t decide.”

“It was Hadley’s.”

She nods once, then tears her eyes away from me. “She’s better off, then.”

Meaning she thinks Hadley’s dead.

I glare at Parvarti, but she doesn’t even look my way. It pisses me off that she’s so sure Hadley is gone. What’s worse, she doesn’t seem to care. I thought they were friends.

Angus and Darla come out, each of them pulling a flatbed. I help them unload it while Parvarti keeps watch. We’ve just finished when Winston and Axl come out and I have to start all over again. They go back in, leaving Parvarti and me alone, but ten minutes later they’re right back out and I’m sweating again as I pile food and toiletries into the truck.

“Incoming!” Darla calls, pointing to a few zombies staggering toward us.

Parvarti heads over to meet them, coming back only thirty seconds later with one less arrow.

When the carts are empty, they head back in, leaving Parv and me alone again.

They’re gone for less than five minutes when the sound of a motor makes my ears perk up. “You hear that?”

Parvarti nods and scans the area. “Sounds like more than one.”

I listen harder and realize she’s right. Two, maybe even three vehicles. I can’t tell where they’re coming from at first, then out of nowhere they’re here. Turning into the parking lot from the main road. Headed our way.

“Shit,” I say, looking back and forth between the approaching cars and the Costco.

Parvarti doesn’t hesitate. She runs back to the store and sticks her head inside yelling, “We have company!” Her voice echoes through the warehouse, making her sound ten times bigger than she is.

I have my gun up, and the trucks are only twenty feet away when the others come running out of the store.

“Shit!” Angus says, spitting as he pulls his gun from his waistband. He moves forward, stepping in front of me. “You girls get on back now.”

Normally, I’d hear a comment like that and assume Angus was just being a sexist asshole, but after Vegas I can’t ever assume that again. Plus, I’m pretty sure he’s thinking of my mom as much—if not more—than he’s thinking about Parvarti and me.

Axl and Winston step forward with Angus, all three of them with their guns raised. Three trucks come to a stop only ten feet away from us. They’re decked out with metal plates under the windows for added protection and a gun mounted on top of one. Even spikes, which remind me of something you’d see in some futuristic TV show.

The driver’s side door opens, and a man in his twenties jumps out with his hands up. He’s grinning, but the man in the passenger seat has a weapon pointed at us.

“We come in peace!” the driver says, flashing us a smile.

He’s beefy, like someone who played football or spent hours in the gym every night after work. His blond hair is cut short, and his light blue eyes seem almost too pretty for such a strong, masculine face. He can’t be older than thirty, but he carries himself with an authority that makes him seem older and more powerful than even the muscles do.

“The name’s Dax,” he says, his eyes sweeping over us slowly, his smile not faltering for even a second. “I promise we’re not here to hurt you. We’re not interested in the supplies you’ve gathered, either. You have as much right to them as we do.”

“What you want then?” Angus calls, not lowering his gun.

“Came to load up on supplies just like you, but we’re always on the lookout for other survivors. Not sure if you have a safe place, but we do. Hope Springs, you heard of it?”

Winston glances toward Axl for a second, leaning closer and keeping his voice low. “That’s the college town Brady mentioned?”

“Sure is,” Axl says out of the side of his mouth.

Dax smiles and his eyes move past the men to where Darla, Parvarti, and I stand. Axl’s shoulders tense.

“Well, let me tell you a little bit about us then,” Dax says when none of us answers him. “We’ve taken over the college and are working on clearing the town out, one street at a time. With any luck, we’ll have a working city by spring. We have a handful of doctors and other professionals, but we’re taking new people in every day.”

Doctors. I immediately think of Sophia and the baby, and how we may need help one day. Then I think about Hadley…

“How many people do you have there?” I ask.

Dax looks my way, and his smile grows wider when his eyes sweep over me. Axl’s shoulders stiffen even more and he swears under his breath.

“Over a hundred,” Dax says.

“A hundred?” Parvarti has more emotion in her voice than I’ve heard in a really long time, and when I glance her way, she’s shaking her head.

A hundred people? Together and in one place. Parv’s eyes meet mine, and I’m shocked by the hope shimmering in them. Maybe Hadley and Jon found their way there. It sounds too good to be true, but it could happen. These people seem like they’re okay to me. They aren’t trying to attack us. Not trying to steal our food or throw us in the back of an unmarked van. They’re just talking to us.

I look past Dax, trying to get an idea of how many people are with him. There are five that I can see, and two are women. They look relaxed and clean. A couple in the back whisper to each other, smiling like they’re sharing a secret. It’s slightly unsettling, but also…exciting.

When I look back, my eyes meet Dax’s. They’re friendly and not the least bit threatening.

“We lost some people a few days ago,” I say, making Angus and Axl look back toward me. “A guy named Jon, and Hadley Lucas.”

Dax’s eyebrows shoot up, and every other pair of eyes turn my way. Even the two women stop gossiping.

“The actress?” the man standing on the passenger side of Dax’s truck says. He’s older—probably in his fifties—but just as beefy as Dax. Somehow though, he’s even less threatening. Something about the way he carries himself.

“Yeah,” I say, my eyes moving over everyone there again. None of them look scary to me.

“I think I’d remember if Hadley Lucas came walking into town,” Dax says with a chuckle. “Sorry, I haven’t seen her.”

I let out a deep breath and shake my head, all the hope I felt a second ago dropping to the ground until I feel like I’m trampling on it. Damn. I was really hoping they found her.

“She could still show up, you know,” Dax says, almost like he can sense how much I need someone to reassure me. “You could come. Wait for them. We have room.”

Every time he looks my way or speaks directly to me, Axl shifts. Almost like he’s trying to block me from view.

“We got a place, but thanks for askin’,” Angus growls.

“I understand your hesitation,” Dax says, holding his hands up. “I’m not telling you to come now. Talk about it. Winter has just started and things are likely to get rough. We got the water running last week and right now we’re working on getting the power on in the entire city, which will make things a lot more bearable. You’re free to come at any time. This is an open invitation.”

“It’s something we have to talk to our people about,” Winston says.

“Of course.” Dax grins and looks us all over again. When his eyes meet mine, he winks.

Axl takes a step to the right, blocking me from Dax’s view. “We gotta finish up here so we can be on our way,” he says, louder than necessary. “Not that I don’t trust you or nothin’, but we’d like for you to move your trucks ‘cross the parkin’ lot ‘til we’re done.”

I look around Axl to see Dax puckering his lips. Then he nods once. “I guess that’s reasonable. Do we have your word that you won’t try and overtake us?”

“Ain’t interested in nothin’ but gettin’ home,” Axl says.

Dax nods again, then turns his back to us like a man’s word actually means something these days. He’s lucky he ran into us and not some of the other people out here.

“Okay, let’s give these people some space!” he calls, waving to the trucks behind him.

He hauls himself up on the side of the truck, but just before he ducks into the cab, he shoots me one last wink.

Axl lowers his gun and swears. “Asshole. Don’t trust him for a second.”

“I don’t know,” Winston says, scratching his beard as he watches the trucks drive off. “He didn’t try to take anything. Didn’t ask where we were staying or try to dig for any information about our people and supplies. He seemed to genuinely want to help us out.”

“Bullshit,” Axl says. “Somethin’ ‘bout that guy was off.”

“You’re only sayin’ that ‘cause he was tryin’ to put the moves on Blondie,” Angus says, grinning back at me.

“Shut up, Angus,” Axl and I say at the same time.

Angus throws his head back and laughs so hard it echoes across the parking lot. “Let’s get back to work,” he says, heading for the store. Still chuckling.

He’s taken two steps when a gunshot echoes across the silence, making all six of us jump. I raise my gun and spin around just as a second shot rings out. A zombie headed our way drops to the ground, and the guy standing on top of the truck from Hope Springs waves. They’re helping us out.

Axl swears and turns away from them, but I grab his arm when he walks by me. “They seem trustworthy.”

His stormy eyes flash when they meet mine. “You sayin’ you wanna go there?”

“No, I’m saying it’s good to know there’s another group out there not too far from us if we need help. They have doctors, Axl.”

He shakes his head, then heads back into the store, following his brother. He’s jealous or insecure, I’m not sure which it is. Dax is a good-looking man, but Axl’s nuts if he thinks I’d ever be interested in someone else.

After we’re done at Costco, we all pile into the trucks and head back toward the thrift store I saw when we first got into town. The cars and the truck are pretty stuffed with supplies, but we need the clothes almost as much as we need the food. Before we left this morning, I got the kids’ sizes from Sophia, and I’m hoping to find some old snow boots and coats for them.

As soon as we’re halfway across the parking lot, the group from Hope Springs takes off toward Costco. They have a couple big trucks, meaning they’ll be able to get a lot more than we did.

“We should come back tomorrow,” I say, watching the other vehicles stop outside the store. “Load up again. Not just here, but at Wal-Mart. If we don’t, they’ll take everything and we’ll be shit out of luck. They have a lot more people, so it will take them less time to clear the stores out than it will take us.”

Axl nods, his lips pursed as he keeps his eyes focused on the Sam’s truck in front of us. “Good point.”

He seems preoccupied or mad, I’m not sure which. I put my hand on his knee and lean closer. “You okay?”

“Just thinkin’ ‘bout that group. Don’t seem good to me.”

“They weren’t threatening us, Axl.”

His eyes move my way, and they do a quick sweep over me. Almost like he’s checking me for injuries. It makes the hair on my scalp prickle uncomfortably. It reminds me of the expression he wore on his face for more than a week after we left Vegas. Every time he looked at me it felt like he was trying to turn back time. To erase my pain and what had happened. To make it all better.

Maybe he wasn’t jealous when Dax checked me out. Maybe there’s more to it.

I don’t bring it up again because I can tell by the way he’s stubbornly tightened his jaw that he’s not going to listen to what I have to say. Not right now, anyway.

When we pull up outside the thrift store, I hop out and head to the door. My gun is drawn, and I narrow my eyes, trying to get a good look at the inside of the store despite the glare on the glass. The racks are just visible, stuffed full of clothes. Shoes line the walls by the hundreds, but there doesn’t seem to be any movement.

“Who’s coming?” I say, barely looking over my shoulder.

“I’ll stay outside,” Parvarti replies.

No surprise there.

“I’ll keep her company,” Winston says next.

I nod without looking back, then push the door open when the sound of footsteps crunches across the snow behind me.

The air inside the store is thick with dust and dirt and the stench of decay. I step in and move off to the side, waiting for the others. Axl is next, followed by Angus and Darla. Once the door’s shut, I glance Axl’s way. He nods, then lets out a loud whistle. It echoes through the room for a second before fading away, leaving the place silent once again.

“Looks like nobody’s home,” Angus says.

“Let’s check it out real quick anyways.” Axl moves toward the back.

The rest of us follow, staying in a straight line with our guns raised. The store is big—probably the biggest thrift store I’ve ever been in—and the further back we go, the darker it gets. With the exception of our footsteps, it’s utterly silent.

Three quarters of the way in, Axl stops and nods toward the floor. I look down to find a corpse so rotten it barely looks human. The skin covering the face has been torn or eaten away, revealing startling white teeth set in black gums. The thing almost looks like it’s smiling up at us, which gives me the creeps.

I shiver and nudge Axl forward. “Keep going.”

He nods and walks on, but still nothing moves. I’m starting to think the body we just found is the source of the stench. I turn toward Axl, all ready to say as much, when something rushes toward us from the back room.

Axl curses and shoves me back just as the thing slams into him. Knocking him to the ground. I go flying, my arm slamming into the clothing rack at my side. The whole thing falls over. Shirts and hangers litter the floor, and my gun flies from my hand. It skids across the room and hits the wall. I catch myself before I hit the ground, then spin around to find Axl on the floor. There are two zombies right on top of him, the one literally inches from his face. Angus has his gun out, but he can’t get a good shot. They’re just too close. He slams his gun into his waistband and rushes forward, jerking the first monster to his feet. Before he can stab the zombie on top of Axl, it reaches out and grabs Angus’s ankle. He falls next to his brother, and Darla starts screaming her head off as the two brothers’ struggle with the zombies on the floor.

I rush forward, drawing my knife as I do. Angus is closer, and there’s no good way for me to get to Axl without dealing with the zombie on his brother first. I skid to a stop as Angus pushes the zombie up, grunting while the thing chomps at his face. My blade comes down, slicing into the monster’s skull and releasing black goo all over the place.

The zombie collapses, and I yank my knife free. Angus tries to roll out from under the body while Axl curses at his side. The zombie on top of him snaps his teeth less than an inch from Axl’s face. I can’t reach him, though. Angus and the other zombie are sprawled across the aisle, blocking my way. Angus finally manages to throw the unmoving zombie to the side, glancing toward his brother, and it hits me like a punch in the gut that neither one of the men are holding weapons.

I dive over Angus, throwing my whole body against the zombie and knocking him to the floor. We tumble over each other like we’re falling down a hill, and the thing scratches and chomps at me the whole time. Once we stop rolling, I kick him in the face as hard as I can, sending him flying back. Before I can even move forward to stab him, a gunshot echoes through the air, ringing in my ears. The zombie’s head explodes, and he falls back but doesn’t move.

I get to my feet and brush myself off, looking the brothers over. They’re both panting and covered in sweat, but no bites. If they had been bitten, the terror on their faces would be a whole hell of a lot worse.

“You’re okay,” I say anyway, still panting.

Darla throws herself into Angus’s arms, but Axl just nods. His eyes hold mine for a second, and everything in me squeezes tight when I think about how close he just came to death.

“Let’s get the shit we need and get out of here,” I say, turning away from the others so I can look for my gun. I’m tired of this town, and I want to look for winter gear so we can get home where I can pretend that fence will keep us safe from here on out.

21

WE SALVAGE OUR SUPPLIES AND DONOVAN siphons the tiny bit of gas from the car, but we leave it on the side of the road. They don’t need it and we have no attachment to it. I barely even glance at it as we drive away.

Jon, Gretchen, and I end up in the front of the last truck, mashed up against Richard. It’s a tight fit, but we didn’t want them to separate us. They seemed to understand that. Richard doesn’t complain. If anything, he seems happy at the prospect of meeting new people.

“So these friends of yours, how long ago did you get separated from them?” he asks as he drives down the road, one eye on the snowy landscape and the other on an iPod.

“Going on five days,” Jon says, patting my leg like he thinks I’ll fall apart at any moment. “We were following their trail until the snow got in the way. Not sure we’re going to be able to find them now, though.”

We bump down the road, following the other two trucks, and I let out a deep breath. I don’t feel like I’m going to fall apart, but just thinking about the days that have passed and what could have happened to our friends since the last time we saw them has me anxious.

Richard glances our way, frowning when his eyes meet mine. As if he can read my mind and knows how affected I am by the loss. “Well, if they’re in the area, they may hear about Hope and show up. Don’t lose heart yet.”

He selects a song and sets the iPod down, grinning to himself as he finally puts both hands on the steering wheel. Miley Cyrus blasts through the speakers, whining about how her relationship didn’t work out because she was too needy.

“I never thought I’d see an iPod again,” Gretchen says, a small smile turning up her full lips.

Richard lets out a little chuckle. “Not exactly my type of music, but these days you gotta be thankful for the small things. Right?”

“No kidding,” Gretchen mutters.

We listen to Miley in silence for a few minutes. For me, it’s another one of those surreal moments that takes me back to my former life. I met her once, just a few months before all this started. She was in the middle of giving the air a tongue bath, posing for the cameras with her butt sticking out like she was something shocking and new and original. The thing I remember most about it was thinking how she had her whole life ahead of her to realize how stupid she was acting. How one day when she was older and more mature, she’d look back at the pictures of herself licking random items and realize she was just a kid.

How wrong I’d been.

“Sometimes,” Richard says, breaking through the depressing silence, “I listen to these songs and can’t help but wonder what happened to all of them.”

“All of who?” Gretchen asks, leaning forward so she can see him.

Richard smiles and shrugs at the same time like it’s silly to talk about. “Celebrities. Famous people.”

Jon glances my way, and I can feel Gretchen’s eyes on me too. I don’t know if they’re waiting for me to admit who I am, but that’s not going to happen. Hadley Lucas is someone I wish had died with the virus.

“They’re dead,” I say flatly, surprised by the lack of emotion in my own voice. “They were rich and spoiled, there’s no way they would have been able to survive this.”

Richard presses his lips together and nods slowly like he’s thinking it through. “It’s weird to imagine them doing all this, isn’t it? Trying to get through by the skin of their teeth like us normal folk. But I suppose some of them could be doing just that.”

Jon’s hand gives my knee a small squeeze. A gesture of support, which I love. “I doubt it.”

I’m done thinking about the past. I want to look forward now.

“Tell us about Hope,” I say, staring at the truck in front of us as I try to picture what the future holds for us. What the world will look like two years from now. If we can possibly start something new. It’s hard to imagine.

“Well,” Richard says, “we started off slow, but things are progressing. We have a couple dorms at the college we’re using to live in. We built a barricade around part of the campus. We use the cafeteria for meals and bring any food we find there. A couple other places hold supplies and a headquarters. Then there’s the school. We don’t have a lot of kids, but there are a handful. We even got a hospital set up.”

“You have doctors?” My hand unconsciously goes to my stomach.

“Sure do.” He grins and his shoulders straighten like he’s proud to be a part of it all. “Four of them, if you can believe it.”

“Four?” Jon says with a note of disbelief in his voice. “How many people are there in Hope Springs?”

“I don’t have the exact numbers, but more than a hundred.”

Gretchen leans forward again, her eyes big and round as she stares at Richard. Jon’s mouth drops open. I stare straight ahead, feeling oddly numb. I never thought I’d see that many living people in one place again. Not counting the casino, which I’m working on forgetting altogether, our group was the largest one we’d come across. But Hope has over a hundred people? Working together?

It sounds too good to be true.

“How?” I whisper. “How did you get all these people?”

“Don’t know exactly. It started off small, a group of people from the area working together. Determined to take it back and make something. More people wandered in and stayed to help. Then we started sending groups out to find supplies in other towns. We’d pick people up or at least tell them, then others would come in saying they’d heard about us.”

“So everyone lives in the dorms?” Gretchen asks.

“Yup. For now, anyway. We’re hoping to get more of the city cleared out over the winter months. It’s going to be hard work, but with as slow as the zoms are right now, it’s our best shot.”

Jon rubs the back of his neck, and I can see the wheels turning as he thinks it all through. Trying to figure it out or picture it, I’m not sure. “How are you doing it without getting overrun?”

“We do a street at a time. Move in reinforced buses and block off the area. Then clean out whatever’s there. Then we move our fences up so no new zoms can get in and go on to the next street. We keep archers and sharpshooters on roofs, and the buses are always there for us to make a quick getaway if we get swarmed. It’s not foolproof, and we’ve lost people, but overall it’s worked out well. We have a plan set up for winter, and if the weather cooperates, we should be able to take the whole town back before the zoms thaw out in spring. Then people can start moving out of the dorms and into houses. That’s the hope, anyway.”

The truck thumps down the road as the three of us chew on this new information. A town. A real town that isn’t overrun by zombies where we can live and have a house and a family and be human again. It feels like dream.

When the town comes into view, all three of us lean forward to get a better look. From a distance it doesn’t really seem like anything special. Still, I feel kind of like Dorothy finally reaching the Emerald City.

We pass houses and gas stations and convenience stores. All the normal things found in a town. When we close in on the center of the town, a barricade comes into view, and the trucks slow to a stop. The fence is made of chain link and wood and barbed wire and stone and pretty much anything else they could get their hands on. There are men guarding it, armed mostly with bows, and a few more sitting in lookout towers on each side. Just like Richard said, there are a couple buses sitting not too far from the gate. They’re decked out in steel and guns and spikes, reminding me of something out of Mad Max.

In front of us the gates open, and the trucks drive through. Jon, Gretchen, and I are silent, each of us taking things in as Richard follows the other two trucks. I’m focused mainly on the armed men we pass. They wear serious expressions, but they don’t seem dangerous. If anything, they look more like lawyers and teachers and dads standing guard. Ready to protect their city.

It’s kind of reassuring.

We don’t have far to drive since the part of the city that has already been cleaned out is small. Richard drives down the street, then turns right. The college comes into view. There’s a second fence around some of the buildings that’s taller than the first—and sturdier. Even if the zombies weren’t frozen right now, this place looks fairly safe.

Richard parks the truck next to the others and climbs out, flashing us a grin. “Well, come on. We’re not gonna bite. I promise.”

He chuckles as he hops down, but for a second the three of us don’t move. Gretchen is by the door, and her eyes are wide. I’m not sure if it’s from fear or amazement, though. Even from my seat in the truck this place feels…good.

“Well,” Jon says, taking a deep breath. “I guess we should go.”

Gretchen nods and pushes the door open, but I stay silent. A spark of hope has started to burn inside me, but I hate to feed it too much. And I need to stay alert.

I slide out after Gretchen, grabbing my pack as I do it, and Jon follows. We leave the food for the men to deal with. It will go to the community now, which is fine with me. As long as we all get equal shares, I don’t care where they store it.

Richard is waiting at the front of the truck, but all the other people who were out on the run seem to have wandered off already. He smiles when we move forward to meet him. “No need to be worried.”

I hope he’s right.

Jon takes my hand as we follow Richard, and Gretchen sticks close to my side. The gate on the second fence is closed, but as we head toward it, two men jog over. They’re smiling. Happy to see new faces.

“Find some people, Richard?” one calls out. He’s young and cute, and Gretchen blushes when he looks her up and down.

“Sure did. Rescued these folks from becoming human popsicles.”

The guy smiles as he pulls the gate open. He looks right at Gretchen. “Welcome to Hope.”

Gretchen giggles and Richard chuckles, and Jon squeezes my hand. Despite the fences and the weapons and how filthy I am, it all feels so normal that I have a hard time believing I’m awake. Richard walks through the gate, then Gretchen. Jon and I follow, then we’re through the gates. When they’re shut behind us I feel like I’m home. Safe.

“Let’s get you folks a room!” Richard calls, heading toward a dorm.

My heart has begun to thump harder, but in a good way. A way that reminds me I’m alive. We follow Richard into the dorm, and he holds the front door open for us. I step through, and warm air sweeps over me. The overhead lights are on, and the unmistakable sound of a television floats through the air. My heart gives off a little pitter pat that reminds me of a horse galloping.

I freeze just inside the door and stare up at the lights until my eyes start to water. “You have electricity.”

“Sure do,” Richard says. “Got the plant up and running about two weeks ago, and the water on about a week back. Took some work since we weren’t quite sure what to do, but it’s been worth it. Far as we can tell the water is on everywhere, but we only have power for the campus at the moment. As we clean out the town, we’re going to turn more on.”

“This is amazing!” Gretchen gushes, her blue eyes sparkling. “We can take hot showers and watch TV!”

Richard chuckles. “Movies, anyway. There aren’t any networks still working, so I’m afraid regularly scheduled programs are out of the question.”

Gretchen’s whole face falls when she sighs. “I guess I’ll never find out what happened on Vampire Diaries.”

Richard laughs like she’s the most amusing thing he’s ever seen. I’m starting to suspect he had a granddaughter Gretchen’s age or something.

He’s still shaking his head when he turns and starts walking. “Follow me.”

Richard stops outside a door marked Resident Director and knocks. After a minute or so, a pretty black woman opens the door. She smiles down at me, and she’s so tall I have to look up—I’m pretty sure she even has an inch on Jon. She’s thin and her hair is cut right to her chin. Her brown eyes sweep over us quickly before settling on Richard, and the smile she gives him is just as warm and welcoming as the one she gave us.

“New additions?” she asks in a smooth British accent. I’m not sure why, but I wasn’t expecting that.

“Yup,” Richard says, then turns to us. “This here is Corinne. She’s kind of the unofficial leader.”

“Not leader. We have a committee that makes decisions. I was just one of the first people here.” Corinne shakes her head as she steps back, pulling the door open wider. “Come on in so we can have a little chat. We’ll get you some rooms, and I can fill you in on any details Richard may have left out.”

Gretchen goes first and I start to follow, but stop when Jon doesn’t move. He turns to Richard and says, “You’re not coming?”

“Nope. Have some stuff to get done. I’m sure I’ll see you folks at dinner, though.” The older man flashes us a quick grin before turning away, waving over his shoulder. “No need to be worried!”

I pull on Jon’s arm, and he follows me into the room. It’s a little apartment, really. A living room that’s cozy but slightly outdated. There’s a small kitchen to the left and a door next to it that I’m assuming leads to a bedroom. Everything is neat and organized and clean. In the air is the faint scent of lemon, reminding me of when I was little and my mom used to mop the floors. It tugs at my heart, and tears spring to my eyes, but I brush them away.

Corinne motions toward an ugly floral couch and loveseat as she heads toward a small desk. “Make yourselves comfortable. I’m sure you’re tired, but we like to get some information from new arrivals. It will only take a moment.”

Even though her voice is casual and friendly, the words make me tense. So far, this place has seemed unthreatening, but I’m not about to let my guard down. Who knows if they have ulterior motives? People are unpredictable.

Gretchen plops onto the loveseat, clearly unconcerned about the situation, but Jon and I lower ourselves onto the soft couch more gingerly. Hesitantly, even. I stick to the edge, my ass barely hanging on like I’m ready to jump up and run out at any second.

Across the room, Corinne picks a spiral notebook up off the table. Still smiling. “No more computers takes some getting used to. I’m trying to be organized, but it isn’t easy.” She shakes her head as she flips through the notebook, then clears her throat. “We have plenty of space. The rooms here aren’t huge, but we’re hoping it’s temporary.”

“Richard told us about the plan to clear out the city,” Jon says, his voice slightly tense as he watches Corinne like a hawk.

“We’re going to try.”

Corinne’s eyes are on her notebook as she heads our way. She doesn’t look up until she’s lowered herself into the matching chair at our side, then she studies us like she’s trying to size us up. See where we fit in and how we’re going to work out here. I squirm and Jon’s shoulders stiffen, but Gretchen doesn’t move.

Corinne’s notebook rests in her lap, and she holds a pen in her left hand, tapping it lightly on the paper. Her smile hasn’t faded. “When new people come in, I like to ask them about their past. I know it’s a difficult subject, and I promise not to get too personal. It’s more about finding people who have useful skills. If someone has medical training or is a mechanic. If you used to sew or cook or have some other skill that might help us out down the road. We’re starting over from scratch really, so any information that might be useful.” Corinne’s eyes move over us. Then she nods. “Okay?”

Jon clears his throat and sits forward until he’s on the edge of the couch, just like me. “Sure. That makes sense. I was a pilot, actually. Not sure if there’s an airport nearby, but if there is I’m happy to help.”

Corinne’s smile gets wider, making her eyes sparkle. I relax a little. “Smashing! We haven’t had a pilot come through yet, so that will come in handy for sure. You said your name was Jon?”

“That’s right.” Jon squeezes my hand and shoots me a glance before focusing on Corinne again. “Once upon a time, I gave helicopter tours over the Grand Canyon.”

Corinne nods as she writes, and when she looks up, her eyes are on me. “And you?”

My face gets hot, and I squirm, tensing all over again. I hadn’t thought about creating a backstory for myself, and she’s taken me totally off guard.

“No useful skills I’m afraid,” I say, forcing out a laugh.

“Nothing?” The corner of Corinne’s mouth turns down.

“Not really. I was a waitress at Outback,” I reply, blurting out the first thing that pops into my head. “I kept thinking I had plenty of time to get my shit together and make something of myself. I guess that plan blew up in my face.”

I press my lips together when I stop talking. Corinne’s gaze is so intense that I’m almost positive she can tell I’m lying. Like she’s a walking polygraph.

After a second, she gives one quick nod then goes back to her notebook. “And your name?”

“Ginny.”

She writes my name on the space under Jon’s, but nothing else, then turns to Gretchen. “A student, I’m guessing?”

“Yes, but I can sew. A little.”

Corinne’s face lights up again. “Gretchen, was it?”

Gretchen nods enthusiastically.

I guess I’m the only who didn’t stand out enough for Corinne to remember my name. Good. That’s how I want it.

Corinne finishes writing and looks up, still smiling, and her eyes move to my hand. Resting in Jon’s. “Two rooms, then?”

“Yes,” I say, then glance toward Gretchen. “You’ll be okay on your own?”

Gretchen snorts and rolls her eyes dramatically. Just like a typical teenager. “I don’t want to share with you two, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Corinne laughs as she gets to her feet. “I can put you across the hall.”

“Perfect.”

“Unfortunately, there are only twin beds.” Corinne shoots Jon and me an apologetic look. “This was a college dorm.”

“It’s fine, really,” I say, waving her off.

She must be kidding. I’m just happy to have a roof over my head. If I had to sleep on the floor in the lobby I would—and it would be a step up from a lot of the places we’ve slept over the past few weeks.

Corinne crosses the room to the desk and sets the notebook down before picking up a box, opening it to reveal stacks of keys. “The dorms are suites, two rooms joined by a bathroom, so you’ll have a little extra space.”

“Sounds good,” I say, and I mean it.

Jon and I aren’t used to living together, and it’s impossible to tell how it will turn out. Things are better between us—meaning I don’t have the urge to hit him almost every time he looks my way—but having the extra room will be good. Plus, if they don’t have the town cleaned out by spring, we’ll need it for the baby.

My stomach drops, then jumps back up so fast foul-tasting bile fills my mouth, and I have to swallow it down. Shit. The baby. I’d almost forgotten about my condition in all the excitement.

Corinne smiles, and I do my best to return it when she holds a key out to me.

“Thank you,” I say, my voice shaking slightly as I take it.

“Third floor, room three fifteen,” Corinne says, then hands Gretchen another key. “Three fourteen.”

Gretchen hugs the key to her chest like it’s a prize possession, and I can’t blame her. The metal in my palm feels like a treasure map, sure to lead me to a pile of gold and a life of leisure. Of course, after the hell we’ve been through, almost anything would seem like a life of leisure. At this point, I’d take a crappy apartment and a job at McDonald’s.

Jon and I thank Corinne, and Gretchen gives her a hug so big she almost knocks the poor woman down. Then the three of us head up to the third floor. Gretchen is practically skipping, and when she gets to her room, she barely glances at us before disappearing inside. When Jon unlocks the door to our room, it feels a little bit like he’s about to carry me over the threshold.

I pause in the doorway and give it a quick once-over. It’s definitely a teen’s bedroom. Pink and black zebra print, stacks of magazines on the desk, and posters covering the walls. Whoever lived in this room really loved Channing Tatum.

Jon stops in front of the Magic Mike poster and wiggles his eyebrows my way. “Get you in the mood?”

I snort and barely glance at Channing’s spectacular abs. “You forget who you’re talking to. I’ve met Channing Tatum, and there wasn’t anything that special about him. In fact, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Most of the people Americans worshipped were total assholes.”

Jon laughs as he drops his backpack on the floor next to the bed. “I don’t doubt it. That one actress in particular seemed like a total bitch. What was her name? Red hair. Skinny.”

I scrunch up my nose and purse my lips, pretending I have no idea who he’s talking about. “Julia Roberts?”

Jon fakes outrage by putting his hand over his heart. “America’s sweetheart? Never. I’m talking about a younger one. Skinnier. And she was prettier than Ms. Roberts.”

I tap my finger over my lips while shaking my head. “Emma Stone? She had red hair sometimes.”

“Probably a bitch, too. But I’m talking about Hadley Lucas. Remember her?”

Shaking my head, I do my best imitation of someone who is very confused. And it’s good too. I was nominated for a Golden Globe. Twice. “Vaguely…”

“I’m sure she’s dead now, but when she was alive she was probably a giant bitch.” Jon comes over to stand in front of me. He puts his hands on my hips and pulls me against him, looking down at me with intense green eyes that make my stomach feel like it’s full of fizzy bubbles. “Really stuck up. Probably would only be worried about her own ass if she were here now.”

“But it was a nice ass,” I say, allowing a grin to pull up my lips.

He smiles and leans down so his mouth is only inches from mine. “The nicest.”

“She’s dead though, so it doesn’t matter now.”

“True,” he replies.

His warm breath brushes against my lips when he talks, and it sends a shiver right through me. In all the times that Jon and I have had sex, I haven’t once done it because I felt any kind of desire toward him. That wasn’t what sex was about with Jon and me. It was about a need to feel something, or to forget what I was feeling.

But now, as he moves closer to me, I realize I do want him. I want him to kiss every inch of my body. To make love to me for real. In a safe place where we don’t have to hurry or look over our shoulders to make sure a zombie or another person doesn’t walk up.

Just as he leans down to touch his lips against mine, it hits me that I haven’t bathed in several days. I can’t even imagine how horrible I smell.

When I pull back, disappointment flashes in his eyes. I don’t want him to think it has anything to do with him, so I smile and run my hand across his cheek, loving the feel of his facial hair prickling against my palm.

“I want to do this right. To start our lives together the right way,” I say, keeping my voice low and smooth so I can ease his ego and let him know I mean it. “So, I’m going to take a shower. Hopefully there’s a razor and I can shave my legs, because I look like Chewbacca right now. I’m going to brush my teeth in a real sink for the first time in weeks, then you can have a turn. Once we’ve done all those things we can take care of other needs.”

Jon nods, but he doesn’t let me walk away. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him and inhales like he’s trying to breathe me in. Reminding me that he’ll happily take me any way he can get me. Dirty or clean, damaged or whole. Jon loves me. The real me.

It only makes me want him more.

I come out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. I can’t help wondering if the college students who used to live here left their stuff behind or if Corinne and her people made sure all the rooms were stocked with the essentials. Either way, I don’t care. Because there’s shampoo and conditioner and soap and razors. For the first time since we were run out of the shelter, I feel clean and my legs aren’t hairy. I don’t even care that my hair is a quarter of an inch long. I feel like a million bucks.

Jon is lounging on the bed, and his eyes move my way when I walk out. His face lights up, and without thinking, I pull the towel tighter against my body. I may think I’m falling in love with him, and I may find myself actually wanting him, and I may be carrying his child, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to take time for me to really relax when I see that look on a man’s face. Even Jon’s.

“It’s all yours,” I say, forcing out a smile.

He rolls off the bed and stretches his arms above his head dramatically. “I was thinking of not showering.”

I arch an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“Yeah.” He walks over to the full-length mirror mounted on the wall and looks himself over. “I have this rugged thing going on. I’ve heard women really find that sexy.”

He’s right about that. Even with a couple days’ growth and hair that’s too long and dirt on his face, he looks good. I can imagine him as the model for some outdoor magazine or store. Any woman in her right mind would drool over him.

But the smell…not so much.

“The look is okay. I mean, you’re sexy as hell and you know it.” He grins and I roll my eyes. “The fact that you smell like a garbage can may have the opposite effect you’re going for, though.”

He lifts his arm and sniffs. His nose wrinkles up, but he just shakes his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I smell fine.”

“Trust me, you don’t.”

He sighs and pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor. “Okay, you talked me into it. But just so you know, I am only agreeing to this so I can get laid. Otherwise, I would be totally against it.”

My stomach does a flip, then a flop, but I just snort and head for the closet, hoping to find some clothes. Maybe being dressed will ease my discomfort. “You’re a man. Of course you’re doing it to get laid.”

Jon laughs as he heads into the bathroom, and once he’s gone, I relax a little. Clothes will help. I want to be intimate with Jon, but I think starting out dressed and working my way up to the nudity would be good.

The closet is full of the typical clothes you’d find in a college dorm. T-shirts that are tight and short enough to show off a pierced navel, and strappy shirts that show more side boob than they should. Luckily, the long sleeve shirts aren’t as bad. I grab a gray shirt that boasts the name of some band who has long since turned into a group of mindless monsters, plus a pair of yoga pants. Might as well be comfortable.

Once I’m dressed I turn to brush my hair, then let out a laugh when I realize I don’t have any. How weird.

I’m curled up on the bed when Jon comes out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, leaving very little to the imagination. Even with as jumpy as I’ve been, I can appreciate him in all his muscled glory. He was fit the first time we had sex, but weeks of working hard on the road has made his muscles even more defined. Especially his arms and shoulders. They’re broad and strong, like they could carry the weight of several people on them. I’ve always loved broad shoulders.

Jon stops in front of me and grins. “No men’s clothes in the room.”

“You have some we took from the house.”

“True, but I thought I’d just go au natural for a bit. If that’s okay with you.”

When I don’t object, he drops the towel to the floor. I swear, my mouth waters. It’s a nice and unexpected feeling. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to look at a man without fear creeping up on me. But Jon makes it easy.

He lowers himself onto the bed next to me and leans down. His lips are just above mine when he says, “Is now a good time to start our lives together?”

I suck in a deep breath and work on controlling my pounding heart. “Typical man, always thinking about sex.”

“I didn’t think I was the only one.”

I laugh, but it’s cut short when his hand brushes across my stomach. Then up until it’s resting just below my breasts. He touches his lips against mine gently, testing to see if I’m ready, and my insides quiver. His green eyes hold mine, searching. Waiting to see what I’m going to do, and I love that he’s waiting for my cues.

Hesitantly, I put my hands on his bare stomach, then run them up his chest and over his shoulders. When my fingers move through his wet hair to the back of his head, I pull him closer to me. The second his mouth touches mine, flames burst through my body. He groans and pulls me against him. Hugging my body to his while his tongue sweeps into my mouth.

He grabs the hem of my shirt and moves it up, but once again he pauses to see if it’s okay. My heart thumps and I close my eyes, kissing him back, waiting for my body to relax. It takes a few seconds of Jon’s gentles kisses, but when heat sizzles through my insides, I give him the okay. He tugs on my shirt, and I sit up, breaking the kiss long enough for Jon to lift it over my head. His bare skin is hot against mine, and his hands are gentle. Patient and caring. My body gets hotter as we kiss, and soon I find myself reaching down to wiggle out of my yoga pants. I’m not wearing any underwear, and the second my pants are on the floor Jon is there. On top of me. Between my legs, moving against me as his mouth caresses mine.

But he still waits.

We kiss and touch one another, exploring. Savoring this moment like it will be our last. My skin burns where his stubble scratches against it, but in a good way. It’s a pleasant pain that tells me I’m alive. More alive than I ever thought I’d be again.

And all I want is Jon.

“Jon,” I whisper against his mouth.

“Now?” The word comes out like a sigh.

I nod as we kiss. As our tongues tangle and our bodies move against each other, moist with sweat and humming with desire. Jon eases between my legs, moving slowly. Carefully. He pulls his lips away, and his green eyes search mine. I nod again, letting him know I’m ready.

My eyes close on their own and my nails dig into his back as Hadley Lucas fades away. This is Jon and Ginny. This is a new start for me. A new beginning that will have the happily-ever-after ending I always wanted.

22

JON AND I LAY TANGLED TOGETHER on the tiny bed. His head resting on my stomach as I run my fingers through his hair.

He turns his face so he’s looking at me, his ear pressed against my belly button like he’s listening for our baby’s heartbeat. “We should get you checked out. Richard said there were doctors.”

He’s right. I know he is. I can’t be that far along, but with the way we’ve been eating and living, it would be smart to see a doctor. And sooner rather than later. But I’m still adjusting to the idea, and I’m afraid seeing a doctor may set me back. Like a recovering alcoholic taking a drink after years of sobriety.

Jon lifts his head when I don’t answer. “We can use it as an opportunity to check the place out.”

“Okay,” I whisper even though my body trembles just thinking about it. About acknowledging the truth to someone other than Jon.

But I do want to see what they’ve done with the town.

Jon and I get dressed, then head over to Gretchen’s room to see if she wants to come. When she opens the door, she has a big grin on her face. She’s wearing makeup and her hair is clean. It goes down her back in long, red ringlets. She’s wearing skinny jeans and a form-fitting shirt, along with a pair of black Ugg boots. Gretchen looks like she’s ready to go to the mall.

“This room is a gold mine! Makeup and hair products and clothes. I feel like a real person again!” Her eyes move over my face and her smile falters a little. “Don’t you want to put some makeup on?”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” I say. “But it isn’t important to me.”

That’s an understatement, really. The less like my old self I look, the better. This way, maybe people won’t recognize me and I can live the rest of my life as Ginny.

Jon puts his arm around my waist protectively. “Do you want to go with us to have a look around?”

Gretchen smiles again, but it isn’t as bright as the first one. “Yeah. That sounds good.”

Guilt squeezes my insides. I shouldn’t have made her feel bad about wanting to look pretty. She’s just a kid, so I can’t blame her for feeling that way. I probably would have wanted the same thing when I was her age.

Gretchen grabs a fleece jacket and pulls it on before stepping out into the hall.

I nudge her with my elbow as we walk, flashing her a smile. “You look good.”

“Thanks.” She tugs on the jacket like it doesn’t fit. It looks perfect on her, though. “Am I being shallow?”

“No. You’re coping. It’s normal.”

“What about you?” Gretchen asks, narrowing her blue eyes on my face. “Don’t you want to cope?”

I let out a deep breath and shove my hands into the pockets of my too-big sweatshirt. “I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Gretchen,” I say, keeping my eyes straight ahead. Jon’s hand tightens on my waist like he knows what I’m about to say. “Before we met you, I went through something that should have destroyed me. It almost did, to be honest. Makeup and clean clothes may help some people feel like this world is returning to normal, but it isn’t going to do it for me. I don’t know what will, but I’m working on it.” I glance toward Jon, and an involuntary smile curls up my lips. “Maybe it’s Jon.”

“Okay…”

Gretchen doesn’t look at me. She zips her jacket up and shoves her face down, hiding her mouth under the collar like it’s freezing and she’s trying to keep warm. I can just make out the pink of her cheeks.

After that, we’re silent as we head down the stairs, then out the front door. Outside, the sun reflects off the blanket of snow, making me squint. The chill in the air is magnified after being in a building with heat, and when a cold breeze hits me, a shiver shakes my body. There are a few people milling around, but not many. So far we’ve only seen a handful of others. But it’s the middle of the day, so most people are probably working. Especially since they are trying to get as much of the city cleared out as possible before spring.

I catch sight of the same guy who opened the gate when we got here heading our way. His head is down and he has a bow slung over his shoulder, as well as several knives clipped to his belt. Only one gun, though. He looks up when he’s five feet from us, smiling when he sees Gretchen. His eyes move over her appreciatively, and even though the look isn’t directed at me and it’s most likely innocent, it makes my whole body tense. The urge to protect her is so strong I have to plant my feet firmly on the ground so I don’t step in front of her.

The guy jogs over, stopping in front of us with a huge grin on his face. “Hey there! Get all settled in?”

“Yes,” Gretchen says, her smile once again natural and bright. “Got a shower and clean clothes. It’s a nice change.”

“Tell me about it. I’ve only been here for two weeks. When I first arrived, you probably could have confused me for Bigfoot.”

Gretchen giggles, and Jon looks down at me, rolling his eyes. I smile and shrug, even though I still feel uneasy about this guy. I’m probably just being paranoid.

The guy grins and holds his hand out to Gretchen. “I’m Mark.”

“Gretchen.”

They stare at each other without blinking for a few seconds like this is a movie and a romantic theme song has started playing. This time I’m the one rolling my eyes.

“Not to interrupt,” Jon says, clearing his throat. “But Richard told us there was a hospital set up somewhere.”

Mark rips his eyes away from Gretchen so he can focus on Jon. “Oh yeah. I can show you where it is if you want. Give you a personal tour.” He winks at Gretchen, and she giggles again.

“Thanks,” I say, “we’d appreciate that.”

“Sure thing. Follow me.”

Mark leads us through the snow-covered campus, pointing out things as we go. Gretchen is at his side the entire time, hanging on to every word like he’s spouting off Shakespeare.

“The cafeteria is over there, and next to it in the old science building is the main headquarters, along with the armory. Just past that is a small administrative building they’ve modified to use as a hospital. We haven’t cleared out the real hospital yet. It’s on the other side of town and will probably be the last thing we’ll get to, but we were able to get some medical supplies from other places in town to tide us over.”

“Wow.” Gretchen is on the verge of gushing. “It sounds like you know pretty much everything about this place.”

Mark grins down at her and straightens his shoulders. “Not everything, but I’ve worked hard since getting here. We all have to pitch in if we want this to work.” He’s still staring at her when he stops outside the administrative building and motions toward the door. “Delivered as promised.”

“Thanks for your help,” Jon says, pushing his way between the lovebirds so he can open the door.

I take a step forward, but stop when I notice Gretchen is still drooling over Mark. “You coming, Gretchen?”

“I was going to see if Mark wanted to show me around a little bit more.” She doesn’t even look our way. “A more personal tour maybe?”

I’m torn between the desire to roll my eyes and the urge to tell her to use protection. I’m not the girl’s mom, but it isn’t like she has anyone to tell her what to do anymore—if ever. I don’t want her to make a mistake…

“Gretchen,” I say, drawing her name out so she’ll know I’m serious.

The girl’s eyes snap toward me and her mouth puckers up. Typical teenager.

“Be careful.” I tilt my head toward the door of the makeshift hospital so she’ll get my point, but won’t be embarrassed.

Gretchen’s eyes get big, then she nods emphatically, her red curls bouncing around. “Oh, I will.”

Jon chuckles and nudges me toward the door. “Come on. We’ll see you later, Gretchen.”

We step inside and find the lobby of the building set up like it’s a waiting room. A few chairs line the walls—all currently empty—and there’s a desk with a woman who looks to be in her fifties sitting behind it. She’s reading a paperback book, and she’s so engrossed in it that she doesn’t glance up until we stop in front of her. Even then, I swear she has one eye on the pages.

“Can I help you?”

“Um…” I shoot Jon a glance while shuffling my feet. “We were hoping to see a doctor. Not sure if you need an appointment or—”

“Dan!” she yells over her shoulder. “Patient here to see you!”

She goes back to her book before waving her hand toward the door at her back. “Go on. He’s probably just napping.”

I look at Jon, but he just shrugs, and together we head on back without so much as a thank you. She doesn’t even seem to remember we’re standing here, anyway.

The doctor is not sleeping, as it turns out. He’s chomping down on a granola bar when we walk in, and his mouth is so full he has to wave toward a door. He tries to smile and I think he even apologizes, but it’s hard to tell.

The room he points to has a couple chairs in it and a desk pushed off to the side. It’s piled high with the type of medical supplies you’d see in a regular doctor’s office. Cotton balls and Band-Aids, tongue depressors. That kind of stuff. There’s also gauze and rubbing alcohol.

The doctor walks in behind us and swallows, then gives us a real smile. “Sorry about that. You caught me on my break.”

He’s young. Probably fresh out of medical school—if he even finished—and kind of nerdy-looking. The glasses he’s wearing have a wad of tape at the corner, but even then they keep sliding down his nose. He pushes them up with his middle finger as he looks us over.

“I’m Dr. Murray. You can call me Dan, it’s no big deal.”

Jon and I stand in the middle of the room for a few seconds, unsure of where to sit or what to do. Finally, Jon grabs my arm and sits, pulling me into a chair at his side.

“I’m Jon, and this Ginny.”

Dan takes the chair across from us, grinning. “Good to meet you. What can I do for you? You don’t look sick or hurt, so…” His eyes move over us both. Then he shrugs.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out, then blush. It’s only the second time I’ve said the actual words out loud, and it hurts just as much as it did the first time.

The doctor sits back and takes a deep breath. “Okay. Since you don’t look pregnant, I’m going to assume this is a post-apocalypse baby.”

“Does that matter?” Jon asks.

“We’re not sure.” Dan crosses his arms and presses his lips together like he’s trying to decide what to tell us.

I assume he’s waiting for an answer, so I say, “It happened after.”

The doctor relaxes, then looks at Jon. “So you’re the father?”

“Yes,” Jon says firmly.

It might not be true, but either way, the father was immune. I know that’s what the doctor’s getting at. Right now, I have no interest in getting into the details of the last few weeks of my life. If we need to address it later, we will.

“Then we suspect the baby should be okay,” Dan says, picking up an empty chart and a piece of paper. He plucks a pen out of his pocket, then frowns. “We’re less certain about babies that were conceived before this started.”

I can only think about Sophia. Wherever she is, she’s carrying a baby that was conceived before all this, and I know her husband died from the virus.

“Do you have any reason to think babies conceived before might not be immune?” I ask, leaning forward.

Dan coughs like he wasn’t expecting that question. “Um, well. Yes. We had a baby born last week. A boy. He only lived a couple hours.”

“Shit,” Jon mutters.

The doctor nods solemnly. “Yes. It could be a coincidence, though. It’s always possible other factors were in play. The mother had been under a lot of stress and she was about a month early. It’s hard to say for sure. We’re just going to have to wait and see what happens. Luckily, you don’t have to worry about that.”

He taps the chart in his lap with his pen, looking me over. “So let’s get some medical history, shall we? You said your first name was Jenny?”

“Ginny,” I say, “G-I-N-N-Y. Short for Virginia.”

The doctor nods and writes it down. “Last name?”

Shit. I hadn’t thought about that. My last name has always been Lucas. Maybe this guy won’t make the connection, but maybe he will. Doctor or not, I don’t want him knowing who I am any more than anyone else.

Jon grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Our last name is Lewis.”

The doctor looks up. “You’re married?”

“Officially, no.” Jon shrugs like it’s nothing. “We consider ourselves married, though. I figure a piece of paper doesn’t really matter anymore, right?”

Dan shrugs as well, then goes back to writing “Good point. Age?”

For the next thirty minutes, he asks me every question imaginable, and I answer all of them honestly with the exception of one. Is there a chance I have an STD? There is. I don’t know how many other women that bald prick raped before he got his hands on me, and I don’t want to think about it. But I do know it’s something I’m going to have to address with the doctor at some point. Specifically, when Jon isn’t around. Talking about it all will be hard enough, but talking about it in front of Jon is impossible. I do not want this thing hanging over us anymore than it already does.

When we’ve finished going over all the details, Dan walks us out of the building. “We’ll see you every two weeks just to make sure everything’s okay. I’m hoping to have an ultrasound machine in a couple weeks, and that will help us get a better idea of what’s going on. We’re a couple blocks from clearing out the street with an OB/GYN on it, so fingers crossed.” He holds a bottle of pills out to me, and I find them in my hand without really knowing how they got there. “In the meantime, try to eat well and take these. You should be good.”

I stare at the little pills like they’re poison. They make this all feel so much more real, and for a few seconds I can’t catch my breath. Right now, my stomach is more uneasy than ever. Still, there have been several times over the last few days when I thought about this baby and almost felt excited.

I never thought I’d feel so torn when this moment came for me, that’s for sure.

Dinner takes us to the college dining hall, and we finally get to see the population of Hope Springs together. It’s so overwhelming it makes me freeze in my tracks and takes my breath away, and it isn’t even everyone. The people on guard duty aren’t present, and I overhear one woman say there’s a group out scavenging in the nearby town of Duncan. Just like the group that picked us up. Even with them gone, the hum of voices is louder than anything I’ve been around in weeks. It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Out of habit, I look over my shoulder. Like the laughter and conversation will draw a horde of zombies our way. My body hasn’t adjusted to the fact that we are in a relatively safe place. A building, surrounded by guns, with armed men guarding the gate. There aren’t any hordes here. Still, I can’t help the hitch in my pulse or the way my eyes won’t stop scanning the room. It just feels wrong.

“This is weird.” Gretchen gnaws on her bottom lip and tugs on her hair, looking as uncomfortable as I feel.

Jon is like a statue next to me, his hand resting on my lower back. “Yeah. It seems so loud…”

“Culture shock,” I mutter, mostly to myself.

“Yeah.” Jon takes a deep breath and nods toward the line. “We should eat. Try to meet people. Try to get comfortable.”

“But not too comfortable,” I say, allowing him to lead me toward the back of the line. “Never too comfortable.”

He nods once. “No. Never too comfortable.”

Gretchen doesn’t say anything, but she follows us. Like me, she’s scanning the room. I have a strong suspicion she’s looking for her new friend, though.

“Did you have a nice time with Mark?” I ask, taking the tray Jon holds out to me.

Jon chuckles, and the sound eases some of my tension. I like his laugh more than anything else in the world right now.

Gretchen’s cheeks turn pink, and she sticks her tongue out at Jon. “Yes.”

“You behave yourself?” Jon asks in a deep voice, probably trying to sound like a father figure.

Gretchen rolls her eyes, but she’s still smiling. “The world may have ended, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to jump into bed with the first guy I meet. Geez.”

Good to know.

Jon chuckles again, and I find myself smiling as the line moves forward. Gretchen stands in front of me, muttering to herself as she slides her tray along the rack. The food comes into view, and my stomach does something halfway between a growl and a lurch. It’s a feeling I’ve never experienced before, being hungry while simultaneously wanting to hurl.

Jon glances my way, and the smile melts off his face. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I pause and swallow when foul-tasting saliva fills my mouth. “My stomach’s just a little uneasy.”

Jon pats my hand and gives me a sympathetic smile. “Even though I know it sucks, it’s a good sign.”

“Of what?” I ask, swallowing again. It doesn’t really help that much, not with the steaming food only two feet away from me.

Gretchen smiles when the worker slaps a spoonful of imitation mashed potatoes on her plate. I should be salivating after a week of almost no food, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to get anything down. Still, I know I have to try, so I hold out my tray and allow the woman to drop a pile of the white mush onto it.

“That the pregnancy is progressing okay,” Jon says.

I can’t remember the question, so I turn to him and arch an eyebrow.

“The morning sickness.”

“Oh.” I swallow again and scoot my tray forward.

I’m not sure whether or not that news makes me happy.

Once our trays are full, we make our way into the dining area. People watch our progress. Even though I know it’s because we’re new, it doesn’t stop my scalp from tingling. Hopefully, no one recognizes me.

Someone waves from a table to my left, and I turn to find Richard smiling. He’s watching Gretchen, but the expression on his face is easy to read. Grandfatherly. Emotional. There must be something about the teen that reminds him of a lost loved one.

“Sit here and I’ll introduce you around.” He pats the chair next to him, the same easy smile on his face when he looks Jon and me over.

“Thanks,” Jon says, taking a seat across from the older man.

Gretchen and I follow, and Richard seems disappointed when she doesn’t sit near him. Gretchen keeps her eyes on her tray and her back straight. Like she’s noticed the extra attention he’s giving her and it makes her uncomfortable. I don’t distrust this man. After my time at the Monte Carlo, I feel like I can easily pick up on someone’s bad intentions. Richard seems to genuinely want to get to know this girl.

But it’s bothering her.

“Tell us about yourself,” I say, smiling at Richard. “How long have you been here? Where are you from?”

Richard nods as he presses his lips together, then leans back in his chair like he’s getting settled in. Must be a long story.

“Well, I’m from a smaller town not too far from here, and that’s where I was when this whole mess started. I was a diesel mechanic and my daughter was living with me, granddaughter too until recently. Sarah, that’s her name, is twenty. She got married to her high school sweetheart right before the virus got real bad, and they were down in South Carolina on their honeymoon when travel got cut off. My daughter got sick and died real fast, but I’m not sure about Sarah and her new husband. King was his name. Last I heard, they didn’t get the virus. I’m still hoping they made it out of Charleston and show up here one day, but I know the odds aren’t good.” He pauses and presses his lips together, then looks at Gretchen. “You remind me of her. She has red hair, too.”

Gretchen visibly relaxes. She brushes the hair out of her face and twists it into a knot at the back of her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well, we’ve all lost loved ones. It hurts, that’s not something I can lie about, but I’m trying to be strong and work toward moving forward. That’s what we all got to do.” Richard nods once, then picks up his fork.

The mood is noticeably more depressing when he starts eating, and I feel bad for bringing him down. Then again, it’s hard avoiding the past, and there isn’t a single one of us who doesn’t have a severely depressing story. Even people like Moira, who managed to make it through the outbreak relatively unscathed, now have scars.

“I want to help clear the streets,” Jon says, making Richard look up from his plate. “I think you guys are right about the winter slowing the dead down, and I want to do everything I can to help fortify the city while we have the chance.”

“We need all the help we can get.” The huge smile Richard tosses his way shows how grateful he is that Jon volunteered.

Jon’s absolutely right. We need to get moving, and every person gets us that much closer to our goal: a zombie-free city.

“I can help,” I say, drawing the eyes of the two men toward me.

Jon shakes his head. “No. Absolutely not.”

“This is no time to be sexist,” Richard says, smiling like he thinks Jon’s behavior is cute. “We need all the help we can get.”

“Sorry, but it isn’t happening. This doesn’t have anything to do with being sexist. Ginny is pregnant, and we need to protect her and any other woman who gets pregnant.” Jon points his spoon at my stomach. “That baby is the hope for our future. If we ever want to rebuild, then we need to repopulate.”

I bristle when he lets my secret slip without even the slightest thought as to how I’d feel about it. I don’t want everyone knowing right now.

Richard shakes his head and I’m sure he’s going to be on my side, but he looks at me and frowns. “He’s right. Plus, they won’t let you out there anyway. We have to think about the big picture.”

I scowl into my potatoes as I push them around on my plate. They look even more unappetizing now than they did a few minutes ago. The Salisbury steak next to them reminds me of a mud pie, and the gravy has started to cool and congeal, giving it a lumpy look that turns my stomach inside out.

I don’t like being coddled, but I guess they have a point. I’m a valuable commodity, and I have to take care of myself and this baby. Like it or not, we are the future.

Or some shit like that.

23

“A HUNDRED PEOPLE?” LILA’S EYEBROWS SHOOT up so fast they look like they were launched from a slingshot.

“That’s what they told us,” I say, leaning against the kitchen island.

Brady presses his lips together as he stirs whatever he’s cooking in that huge pot of his. Rice and some canned chicken and veggies, along with some spices. Some kind of soup, I’m assuming. Whatever it is, it smells amazing.

“Hope Springs isn’t far,” he says, staring at the broth as it swirls around in the pot. “We could take a trip up there and stake it out.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Anne says from the table. Her eyes have dark rings around them and she looks so pale you’d think she was getting over the flu, but she’s trying.

I’m not sure where Sophia and the kids are, but almost everyone else it outside unloading the Sam’s truck after our trip to Duncan. I only came inside to bring some of the jackets and boots we found for the kids—just like I thought, the thrift store was a jackpot. So it’s just Brady, Anne, Lila, and me in the kitchen at the moment, but I’m okay with that. I want some people on my side before we talk about it as a group.

Axl is adamantly against going to Hope Springs. Angus keeps accusing him of being jealous, but the more I think about it, the more I realize there’s more to it. The looks Dax gave me didn’t set off warning bells in my head, but I can see why they might for Axl after what happened in Vegas. If he had gotten to that hotel room a few minutes later…

I don’t even want to think about it.

I shudder and cross my arms like I’m hugging myself.

Staking out Hope Springs sounds like a good idea to me. There wasn’t anything about the group we met in Duncan that had me worried, but that doesn’t mean I want to rush over there without doing a little planning first. It pays to be cautious.

“Personally, I think it would benefit us to check it out,” I say. “Even if we decide it’s safe, I’m not saying we need to pack up and move over there. But it would be good to know we have neighbors we could go to when we need help.”

“I agree,” Anne says.

“I’m with you all the way.” Lila nods emphatically.

I turn to face Brady, only to find him studying me with those sharp eyes of his. He’s standing on a stool so we’re practically at eye level, and the look he’s giving me makes the hair on my scalp prickle.

“Axl doesn’t think so,” he says calmly.

I let out a deep sigh. “No.”

“Any particular reason?”

“He’s just being overly cautious. One of the men in this group looked at me a few times, and I think it made Axl uncomfortable. Remember how we told you about the shelter we had before and how some men ran us out?” Brady nods, and I squeeze myself tighter when my insides prickle from the memories. “There’s more to it than that. These same men had a place in Vegas. They kidnapped me and Hadley. There were other women there too…” I have to pause and swallow when a lump forms in my throat.

Brady raises his hand. “Say no more. There’s no need to explain. Despite his biological connection to Angus, I don’t see Axl as a particularly impulsive person. And he isn’t stupid. If he has concerns, I think we should take them seriously. But I agree with you as well, and checking the place out wouldn’t hurt.”

“So you’ll be on my side when we get ready to talk about it as a group?”

Brady arches an eyebrow in my direction. “Not that I think my opinion will hold much weight, but yes.”

“You’re wrong. This isn’t a dictatorship, we make decisions as a group,” I say, pushing myself off the island. “I’m going to head outside and see if I can help get some work done.”

Lila bounces after me, her dark hair swishing behind her. “I’ll help too.”

She and Al always look happy, but I’m not sure how they manage it. I love Axl and being with him makes life worth living, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that either one of us is happy.

“Things must be good with Al,” I say when we stop by the door to put our shoes on.

“They are.” She smiles to herself. “Is it weird? Before all this started, I thought I had it great. I mean, I had everything I wanted. But I realize now I didn’t have any of the important stuff. I was an only child and my parents were hardly ever around. Even when they were, they didn’t act like they were the least bit interested in me. I had boyfriends, but they didn’t care about getting to know me, and my friendships were mostly competition. Who had the newest clothes or the most expensive car…. It was all dumb.”

I stand up and meet her gaze, and she flashes me a hesitant smile.

“Now you have a family,” I say, reading between the lines.

“I do, and it’s great.” She nods, but her mouth pulls down. “I do wonder what happened to my parents, though. They were in Paris when travel was cut off. Do you think it’s like this everywhere?”

Her bottom lip quivers, and for the first time in a long time, I see her for what she really is. A kid. Just seventeen. I remember being that young and thinking I was so grown up and mature. Now, only a little over three years later, that person seems more like a toddler.

I put my hand on Lila’s arm and give her a smile that I hope is comforting. “I’m sorry, Lila. I’m sure it’s hard not knowing what happened, but we all know this thing spread. Even before communication was cut off, there were stories of it hitting Europe. I don’t think they were spared.”

She lets out a deep breath and nods. “You’re right. Even if you weren’t, it’s not like they’re going to fly back here one day and start looking for me. I doubt they ever gave me a second thought.”

She looks down, and I feel like I just slapped the poor girl. It sucks, but I couldn’t bring myself to lie.

After a few seconds, Lila turns away and heads for the door. I follow her in silence.

Outside, the sky is clogged with clouds, and the wind is so cold it makes me feel like my body is one giant goose bump. I wish we could just pull up a weather app and figure out how much more snow to expect. I hug my jacket tighter against my body when an icy gust of wind howls between the houses. Thank God we got those kerosene heaters. It will make sleep a lot more comfortable tonight.

Lila and I head toward the others, who are busy unloading the truck. Stacking food in one garage and building supplies in another. We pass the one that now serves as our barn, and I can make out the sound of the chickens through the closed door. In the distance, I catch sight of Angus down by the fence, where he’s already started attaching barbed wire. Parvarti is with him.

All this activity has me feeling hopeful again. We’re making progress, and suddenly the future doesn’t look quite so grim. I feel like we have a chance now, more than ever before. Even in the shelter, although I’m not sure why. Maybe because this is closer to being normal. Living underground would have kept us safe, but it wouldn’t have felt anything like normal life.

“Gonna go out huntin’ in a bit,” Axl calls when he sees me.

His forehead is beaded with sweat and his jacket is off, leaving him in nothing but a gray T-shirt. It makes me cold just looking at him.

“You and Angus?” I ask, coming up beside him.

Winston is in the truck, bringing flats of food to the back where he sets them down so Axl can drag them to the garage. I grab a couple massive bags of rice and follow Axl, who’s carrying what looks like fifty cans of soup.

“Or Parvarti,” he says with a grunt. “Be nice to get a deer so we could feed the whole group.”

No kidding.

“Sounds good,” I say.

“Tomorrow we’re gonna head out to get them MREs finally. Need to start lookin’ for lots of fuel too. What we siphoned in town ain’t gonna last us long.”

He drops the cans on top of the others already stacked in the garage, then turns to head back. I throw my rice down and jog after him.

It has to be close to six by the time we get the vehicles unloaded. By then, I’m sweating just as much as Axl was, and my stomach is growling so loudly I’m seriously considering ripping into some of the food we have lined up in the garage. Brady made dinner, though.

I head to the house with the majority of the group while Axl goes to check on the progress Angus and Parvarti have made. It’s going to take days to get that barbed wire all the way around the neighborhood, though. If we have enough. Angus took every inch they had at both Lowe’s and Home Depot, but I’m not convinced it’s going to cover the area we need it to.

“I’m starving!” Al says, rubbing his stomach as we step into the house.

The soup smells even better than it did earlier, making my stomach growl even louder. But food isn’t my first priority—even if my stomach hasn’t accepted that. I want to broach the subject of Hope Springs with the group while Axl is still outside.

We head to the kitchen, where Brady is already setting out bowls filled with steaming soup. He also has crackers out and a big fruit salad made from some of the canned fruit we brought back today. I know health food nuts complained about all the processed food in this country, but now that the apocalypse has hit, I’m so thankful we loaded our food with chemicals that will keep it from going bad so fast. We’re going to need it while we work at getting back on our feet.

The generator is off to conserve fuel, but one of the kerosene heaters is running and Brady has candles lit all over the room. Their flames flicker across the faces of my friends as they settle in for dinner. The atmosphere is relaxed and content. Nice. I don’t want to put a damper on things, but I think a discussion about Hope Springs is important.

Once everyone has started to dig in, I clear my throat. “I wanted to let everyone know what we learned today while we were out.”

A few people look my way, but most are too occupied eating. We did work up quite an appetite unloading that truck.

“We ran into a group who says they’re from that college town,” I say, continuing even though only a couple sets of eyes are on me. “They say they have some of the city cleared out and they’re working on taking the whole place back. Apparently, they have quite a big group. A hundred people.”

More people look up with each word that leaves my mouth, and by the time I stop, all eyes are on me. Even the few people who already knew about it are looking my way. Angus, Axl, and Parvarti are the only people missing, and the only ones who would most likely be opposed to checking the place out.

“They were friendly?” Joshua asks.

I nod and glance toward Winston. “I thought so.”

Winston looks across the room, maybe to judge the reactions of everyone standing around him, and his eyes stop on Joshua. “They were. We felt it was something we needed to discuss, but the man we spoke to said it was an open invitation.”

“Invitation?” Sophia says.

“They want us to come there,” I reply.

No one responds for about ten seconds, then Al says, “Did you ask about Hadley and Jon?”

“We did,” I say with a sigh. “No luck.”

Al nods and Lila pats him on the shoulder, but everyone else just stares at me.

“You’re not seriously considering going there, are you?” Joshua asks.

“Why not?” Sophia says, scooting to the edge of her chair like she’s considering heading out now. “More people means more help. It means we could make it further.”

“Or be more of a target,” Darla points out.

Sophia runs her hand over her belly and frowns. “I’m scared. We’re in the middle of nowhere and no one of knows the first thing about roughing it. How are we going to do this on our own?”

“We learn,” I say firmly.

Sophia shakes her head, and when I look around the room, others are frowning as well. I didn’t realize everyone was so worried about the future. Sure, when we were on the road it made sense, but here we have walls and supplies and a plan. Here we can make it.

“I think we should check it out,” Anne says. “Stake it out like Brady said.”

“Stake what out?” Axl says from behind me.

I turn as he and Angus and Parvarti step into the kitchen. The brothers don’t look happy, so they obviously know what we’re discussing already. Parvarti’s expression is as blank as always.

“Hope Springs,” I say.

Axl shakes his head and Angus grunts.

“I don’t like it,” Axl says. “There was somethin’ ‘bout that guy that rubbed me wrong.”

“What was wrong with him?” Joshua asks.

Angus chuckles, shaking his head as he takes the bowl Brady holds out to him. “He was checkin’ Blondie out. Ain’t that right lil’ brother?”

Axl glares at Angus, but I shake my head. “Axl is just being cautious, which is good. We should be cautious. That’s why Brady suggested we stake the place out first. I think we should just swing by the town and see what it looks like. But keep our distance.”

Axl still doesn’t relax.

“She’s got a point,” Angus says between slurps of his soup.

“No one is suggesting we walk up to the gate and hand our weapons over,” I say, trying to soothe Axl.

He shrugs and turns away, heading out of the kitchen. “Whatever you decide. I’m gonna head out. Try an’ find us a deer.”

“You ain’t gonna be able to see shit!” Angus calls after him. “It’s dark!”

Parvarti sets her bowl down and follows Axl. She pauses just as she’s about to step out of the room and glances over her shoulder. “I think we should check it out too.” Then she turns and follows Axl.

I can’t believe she actually has an opinion.

People nod in agreement, then slowly go back to eating, but the mood isn’t as light as it was at first. Maybe we’re all just thinking. About what could go wrong, about what might go right. It’s hard to tell. Either way, I’m satisfied with the plan. Knowing there are other people out there working toward something is a good thing.

In the morning Axl, Angus, and I get ready to head out for the MREs.

Axl still isn’t happy. Last night when he got back from hunting I could tell he was pissed off and I tried to talk to him about it, but he wouldn’t say much. We slept in the same bed, but he was distant and moody. Which just irritated me. He may not want to talk about what’s going on, but I’m not giving up. Checking out Hope Springs is a good idea, and I’m not going to change my mind about it. No matter how much he pouts.

Angus gets behind the wheel with Axl in the passenger seat, a map of the area sitting in his lap. I take the back. After my failed attempt at navigating back in Vegas, I wasn’t going to even try to tell them where to go. Apparently, I’m no good at reading maps.

“County Line and Emerick,” Parvarti says, standing just outside Angus’s open door. Her bow slung over her shoulder and a stone expression on her face.

“You got it, Rambo,” Angus says. He spits at her feet, but she doesn’t blink. “We ain’t back in two hours, you know where to come lookin’.”

Parvarti nods, and her brown eyes sweep across the inside of the SUV. Over Angus and Axl, then back to me. Something in her expression changes, but before I can figure out what it is, it’s gone. Then she goes back to the same blank look she’s had on her face for weeks.

Angus reaches for the door just as Brady comes up next to Parvarti, and I swear the asshole considers shutting it anyway. He doesn’t, though.

“Be careful out there,” Brady says.

Angus grunts just as Axl says, “Tomorrow we’re gonna need to go lookin’ for some fuel. Maybe head on back to that town we was at. See what else we can find before them other folks pick it clean.”

Brady nods and steps back, and Angus pulls the door shut. Swearing under his breath about who knows what. It’s impossible to tell what is and isn’t going to piss him off sometimes, and I’m not sure why Brady telling us to be careful is so offensive to Angus. Hell, he probably doesn’t even know.

We drive down to the gate where Parvarti meets us—riding a snowmobile Brady found in a neighbor’s garage. Angus drums his fingers on the steering wheel while he waits for her to open it, and the second it’s wide enough, he throws the SUV into drive.

“Here we go,” Angus growls, hitting the gas.

He sounds like he’s dreading it as much as I am.

We don’t say a freaking word on the drive. All of us are tense with anticipation, knowing that it’s been days since we were last there. The area was clear of zombies when we left, but that means shit now. Even with all the snow, the dead could still sneak up on us, which is something we’ve learned firsthand. Getting too relaxed is never a good idea.

When we reach County Line Road, Angus slows until he’s driving less than fifteen miles an hour. It feels like the car is barely moving, which makes me so nervous I have a hard time sitting still. I scoot up until I’m leaning between the seats, craning my neck to see out the front window. Looking for the tree Axl spray-painted. When it finally comes into view, Angus hits the brakes before I even have a chance to point it out. I lurch forward, my chest slamming into the center console so hard I’m surprised my implants don’t burst.

“Shit,” I say, glaring at Angus as I massage my boobs. “Why the hell did you slam on the brakes like that?”

Angus glances toward me, and when he sees me rubbing my breasts he practically turns all the way around in his seat so he can get a good look. Gawking at me with a look on his face that makes me want to slap him upside the head. This asshole is screwing my mom!

“Stop mentally undressing me, you pig,” I mutter, crossing my arms. “What are we doing?”

Axl shoots his brother a glare but doesn’t say anything, which kind of pisses me off. I hug myself tighter and sit back. Angus has been giving me disgusting looks since he first laid eyes on me, and it’s getting old. Especially when Axl chooses to ignore it. Maybe he’s used to his brother being a pig, but I’m not.

“Just checkin’ the place out, Blondie,” Angus says, flashing me one of his monkey grins. “Keep your panties on.” He wiggles his eyebrows, letting me know that he’d be okay if I chose to ignore that piece of advice. I give him the finger, which only makes his grin widen.

“Cut it out,” Axl snaps.

A moment of triumph shoots through me, but it’s cut short when Axl looks my way. As if I’m the asshole here. Heat moves up my neck to my face, and I press my lips together. If I open my mouth right now, Axl and I are going to end up fighting, and this isn’t the place.

Doesn’t mean I’m not pissed, though.

Angus chuckles and Axl turns back to face the front, pointing toward the opening in the trees. “Let’s get on with this.”

We pull into the woods, just as silent as we were the rest of the ride, and when the house comes into view, a little of my anger melts away. We found it and it’s clear of the dead. Even better, the snow around the place is totally undisturbed, meaning no one else has been here. Which is good. I need to focus on the positive right now and worry about Axl later.

Angus pulls to a stop right in front of the rickety gate, and I’m out before we can even discuss a plan. The air is clear, but so cold it turns the tip of my nose to ice. I’m wearing warmer clothes—thanks to Brady’s dead wife—but the same damn jacket Axl gave me back on Route 66. It felt nice and comfortable when I put it on this morning but now seems way too thin. Goose bumps pop up on every inch of my skin, making me shiver, but I do my best to ignore them and focus on the surrounding area. Keeping my eyes and ears open, checking the place out. The MREs should still be where we left them. Now all we have to do is load the SUV and get the hell out of here.

The brothers step out of the car, but when Axl glances toward me, I turn away. Maybe I’m being childish, but I’m tired of him not standing up to his brother. I’d never sit by quietly while someone said shit that made Axl uncomfortable, and he shouldn’t do it either. Especially not when the asshole making the comments is Angus.

“Where you goin’, Blondie?” Angus calls when I head toward the house.

“Let’s get this over with. We have other stuff to do and there’s no point in hanging out longer than we have to.”

Footsteps head my way as I push the gate open. It creaks even louder than it did the first time we were here, echoing through the silent forest. Above us, a bird takes off, and near the back of the house something scurries away. Even though the sounds are too small and fast to be a zombie, they make my heart jump with fear.

I reach the backyard and find the pile of junk right where Axl left it. Before the brothers have even made it back, I start unloading the stuff. Tossing it aside without bothering to be quiet. Metal slams against metal and glass shatters, echoing through the silence. But I keep hauling the stuff away.

“What the hell you doin’?” Axl asks from behind me.

I don’t even bother looking his way. “Clearing this off so we can get this shit and get out of here.”

“Vivian!” He grabs my arm and pulls me back, but I jerk free and glare at him. Axl purses his lips and his stormy eyes search mine, but I don’t blink. “You pissed?”

Behind him, Angus is grinning like he’s watching his favorite soap. Asshole.

“Just forget it,” I say, turning back to the pile of trash blocking our way. “I want to get this over with and get back.”

The average man would argue with me. Maybe even call me out on my bullshit by pointing out what a baby I’m being. Which I’m well aware of. But not Axl. He just comes over and starts hauling shit away like it’s nothing. Like me being pissed is nothing. For some reason, it makes me angrier.

By the time the door is clear and Axl has it thrown open, I’m so angry I’ve started to sweat. The back of my neck is moist, and my hair is plastered to it. The jacket I thought was too thin only a few minutes ago now feels like it’s made of the thickest wool ever created. I rip the padded flannel shirt off and toss it to the ground before heading down the stairs.

The cellar is dark, but I’m too irritated to really care. I move forward from memory, my hands out in front of me since my eyes haven’t adjusted to the darkness. When my fingers brush against spider webs, I jerk back. But I take a deep breath and force myself forward until I reach the boxes lining the walls. I pull one off to get a feel for how heavy it is. Thankfully, it’s light. I should be able to carry two—at least.

By the time Axl and Angus reach the bottom of the stairs, I have three boxes in my arms and I’m heading back up. Angus doesn’t even look my way, but Axl tries to stop me by grabbing my arm. I jerk away.

“Vivian, you gotta wait. I don’t want you up there by yourself. It ain’t safe.”

“It’s fine,” I say, not even looking at him as I head back up. “You’ll be right behind me.”

I have the urge to throw in some shitty comment about how Axl always has my back, but I don’t. I’m irritated enough and there’s no point adding to it. Plus, I know I’m being a bit irrational. Maybe it’s stress or maybe I’m about to get my period, I don’t know for sure. I just know that I have the almost overwhelming urge to slap Axl, which is something I haven’t felt since the first few days we traveled together.

Brings back memories.

The sun is so bright that I have to squint when I step out of the cellar. The boxes in my arms are stacked on top of each other, blocking my view partially, but I don’t let it stop me as I hurry through the yard to the SUV. One of the men has already opened the back door, and all I have to do is slide my boxes in before heading back for more.

I pass Angus and Axl on the way, but none of us says a word. It irks me how calm Axl looks. Figures.

We get into a routine. Up and down the stairs, passing each other wordlessly as we slowly empty the cellar. My skin is so moist my shirt sticks to it, and on my fourth trip to the car, I take my sweater off and toss it into the backseat. Underneath, all I have on is short sleeve shirt. The air cools my sticky skin, but it’s nice after exerting myself so much.

“No slacking off now, Blondie,” Angus says when he and Axl come through the gate with their arms full. “Almost got them boxes cleaned out.”

I don’t respond, mostly because I’m feeling less and less pissed as the minutes pass and I’m afraid if I start to talking to Angus right now, I’m going to get mad all over again. Instead, I head toward the back of the house, leaving the brothers to load their boxes.

When I jog down the stairs, I notice that Angus wasn’t lying. There are only about fifteen boxes left, which means we only have a couple more trips each. Then we can get the hell out of here.

My arms are once again full when the brothers come pounding down the stairs. I pass them without a word, heading out into the winter sunshine. My feet stumble over the junk littered across the yard, but I do my best to make it through without falling down. Just like every time I came up, the boxes are partially blocking my view. Making it tough.

I’ve just made it to the front gate when a hand clamps down on my arm. My heart stutters to a stop and a scream rips its way out of me. I yank my arm back. The fingers slide across my skin, losing their grip on me. The boxes fall from my hands and drop to the ground. My heel catches on something behind me and I stumble back, finding myself falling just as the putrid face of the zombie comes into view.

My body slams into the cold ground and the zombie in front of me growls. I scramble back, kicking my feet up as the creature moves closer, chomping at air as he tries to get to me. Another snarl comes from behind him, and I scream even louder when more of the dead advance. My hands fumble for my knife as I kick harder, trying to get away, and knock the bastard back at the same time. The black goo I’m so used to seeing is frozen on his skin, creating dark crystals that sparkle in the sun. Thankfully, his movements are slower than usual, because he’s right on top of me and more have moved in at his back. Their lack of speed gives me the chance to pull my knife free.

“Vivian!”

Just as Axl’s voice cuts through the moaning zombies, I raise my knife, bringing it forward so the blade sinks into the zombie’s skull. The knife is ripped out of my hand and the now motionless zombie drops right on top of me with such a sharp thud it forces all the air out of my lungs. I gasp for breath, only to get a mouthful of rotten air.

Footsteps crunch against the snow, getting closer as the moans of the approaching dead increase. A gunshot cuts through the air, and Angus rushes past me. Axl screeches to a halt at my side, shoving the dead man off me. He barely gives me a chance to catch my breath before he’s pulling me to my feet, dragging me back.

Angus stands in front of the dead, hacking at them with his knife as they converge on him. There are so many! It’s like the horde that swarmed Millersville decided to follow us here. They moan and growl and bite at Angus, trying to get at him.

I’m still gasping when Axl shoves me behind him, screaming at his brother, “Angus, we gotta go. Back to the cellar, now!”

I don’t even glance behind me to make sure Angus is listening before I run back through the yard, jumping over trash and piles of crap now barely covered by the snow. At my back, Axl is still yelling for his brother to move his ass. When I reach the corner of the house, I look back so I can see what’s going on. It’s that exact instant that Angus gets overrun. He growls when two zombies grab him at once, pulling him in opposite directions. A third gets in on it, sinking his claws into Angus’s shoulder. Trying to pull him back.

“Angus!” Axl yells, firing as he runs for his brother.

My heart jumps, then falls to the ground, and before I can even think about it, I’m running back the way I came. My knife got lost when that bastard fell on me, so I pull out my gun as I charge back through the snow. Angus disappears from sight, but I can still hear him cursing up a storm. Axl is firing like crazy, taking out the zombies that get close to his brother. But there are at least three on top of him and no matter how much I try to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut, it’s impossible.

Angus is going to die, and I hate how much it hurts.

When I’m closer, I start firing as Axl charges into the mass of walking corpses. My heart’s pounding so hard it thumps in my ears, and it takes everything in me to keep my eyes focused on shooting the dead charging Axl and his brother.

Angus pulls himself from the mass of zombies, letting out a roar so loud I’m surprised it doesn’t shake the planet. Axl is next to him, slamming his blade into rotting skulls over and over again until he and his brother are free. Then they’re charging toward me, running from the horde at their backs.

“Go, go, go!” Axl yells, waving for me to move.

He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I pull the trigger one more time and my gun clicks, then I spin around, charging toward the back of the house. The cellar is our only escape, and even that is going to suck big time.

My feet hit the steps literally five seconds before Axl’s. He pauses to shove his brother into the cellar ahead of him, then turns and grabs the door. Outside, the moans and pounding footsteps of the dead are so loud they echo through my brain like a stampede of buffalo. I reach the bottom and spin to face the stairs, catching sight of the horde just as Axl pulls the door down. The ray of light shining into the room gets smaller until there’s nothing left but a narrow beam. It shines down on Angus like a spotlight, illuminating the rip in his shirt and the crescent-shaped bite on his shoulder.

Then the door shuts, and the room goes black.

24

I STARE INTO THE DARKNESS, FROZEN in place. Above us, zombies growl and bang on the cellar door, trying to get in. Axl grunts and footsteps scrape against the wood steps. The heavy rattle of Angus’s breathing echoes against the cement walls. No one says a word.

Was that real or was my mind playing tricks on me?

No. There’s no way I imagined that shit.

Angus grunts and it sounds like he drops to the floor. “Dammit, turn on a fuckin’ flashlight.”

“I’m on it,” Axl says, his voice way too calm.

He doesn’t know.

The flashlight clicks, and the beam cuts through the darkness. Axl has it aimed at the door, but it gives off enough light to illuminate Angus leaning against the wall, his hand covering the wound on his shoulder. My stomach twists so hard that for a second I’m sure I’m going to throw up.

Axl is still on the stairs, looking at the cellar door. His back to Angus and me. I don’t know what he’s doing, but I do know in a second he’s going to forget all about it.

Angus meets my gaze and frowns. “Don’t look so sad, Blondie,” he says, his voice echoing through the little room and making me jump. “You ain’t even gonna notice when I’m gone. It ain’t like we was close or nothin’.”

Axl’s body jerks and he spins around, looking toward his brother. His eyes grow big and wide. Angus’s hand is still covering the bite, but there’s blood everywhere. Not the black shit these assholes have inside them. Real blood. Red blood. It’s smeared all over Angus’s shoulder, dripping down where it soaks into the fabric of his shirt. There’s a lot of it. Way more than I would have thought possible from a bite made by human teeth.

“Angus?” Axl’s voice trembles as he stumbles down the steps. He falls to his knees next to his brother and jerks Angus’s hand away.

When the bite mark is finally visible, it knocks the wind out of me. Axl just stares at it. Not moving or saying a word, his mouth hanging open like he can’t register what he’s seeing.

I force myself to move forward until I’m next to them, then kneel down at Axl’s side. Putting my hand on his leg. “Axl.”

His head whips my way and he shoves my hand off his leg. His gray eyes are wide and full of rage. So much more rage than I’ve ever seen on his face. He doesn’t look like my Axl.

“Get your hand off me. This is your fault! You had to run off all pissed, not stickin’ with us like you was supposed to. Never learnin’ your lesson!”

My whole body jerks back as anger builds inside me. I try to control it. Try to swallow it down, but fire flashes in Axl’s eyes, and it makes everything in me build until I feel like I’m going to explode.

“My fault? I didn’t make this virus, and I’m not the one who gets off on killing these things! Your brother is reckless. He has been since he picked me up on the side of the road, and it’s only gotten worse. You can’t blame me for his stupidity!”

Axl’s mouth scrunches up, and for a second I’m afraid he’s going to spit in my face. “You gonna sit here an’ call my brother stupid? To my face! He’s gonna die and that’s what you got to say to me?” Axl shakes his head, and his gray eyes narrow on my face. “You been tryin’ to pull us apart since the day we picked you up. Angus said it, but I didn’t believe him. Too busy thinkin’ with my dick. Again.”

I squeeze my hand into a tight fist as anger and pain war against each other inside me. It feels like they’re trying to rip me in half. Nothing has ever hurt as much as Axl’s words just did. All the I love yous and intimate moments we’ve shared are gone in the blink of an eye, erased by the implication that I’m no more than a piece of ass to him.

“You’re an ass—”

“Will you two shut the fuck up?” Angus growls, cutting through my words. “Dumb as shit. I’m the one sittin’ here bleedin’ to death.”

Axl tears his eyes from me and moves closer to his brother, and some of my anger melts away. He’s just mad. Axl didn’t mean what he said. He’s hurting, and the thought of losing his brother has him saying things he doesn’t mean.

“Shit, Angus,” Axl says, shaking his head. “What the hell were you thinkin’?”

“I was thinkin’ you and that blonde bimbo got somethin’ I ain’t never seen before and I didn’t want her dyin’.” Angus shakes his head, and just like that the anger inside me evaporates.

Tears fill my eyes, and I move closer to Axl. “You’re such an asshole, Angus,” I say, sniffing through the tears. “Why the hell did you have to go and show your human side now? It would have been easier to say goodbye if I still hated you.”

Angus snorts. “Never could do nothin’ the easy way.”

Axl stares at the bite on his brother’s shoulder, not saying a word. Above us, the zombies are still banging on the door, but the cellar is so quiet it feels like death is already here.

Then the full force of what’s about to happen hits me, and I suddenly think I’m going to collapse. We’re trapped and Angus isn’t just dying, he’s going to turn. Axl and I will be in this cellar with him when he turns unless the others show up very soon, which means one of us is going to have to put him down.

How the hell will Axl ever be able to handle it?

“You gotta do it now,” Angus says, almost like he’s reading my mind.

Axl slumps back, leaning against the wall next to his brother. “I ain’t gonna kill you.”

“Dumb shit. You don’t got a choice. You let me come back an’ I’m gonna rip the two of you to shreds. You take care of it now. Before I turn into one of them.”

Axl shakes his head and Angus swears, but before he can tell his brother what an idiot he’s being, Axl says, “Gun’s outta bullets, and I ain’t gonna stab you, so you can just forget it.”

“Shit. Lost my gun when I got bit,” Angus says, turning to look at me. “You got any bullets, Blondie?”

“No,” I whisper. My extra clip was in my jacket. The one I threw on the ground.

We lapse into silence. Angus holds his hand over his wound, wincing with each move he makes. Too bad we can’t clean it. Then again, what would be the point? It’s not like an infection is going to kill him, not that kind anyway. Soon he’ll lapse into a lethargic state, then he’ll die. When he comes back, he won’t be Angus anymore. He’ll be a monster who wants nothing more than to rip us to shreds.

Hopefully, the others come looking for us before that happens.

“How long before the others get worried?” I say out loud, not even sure who I’m asking.

“Hell, Rambo ain’t gonna be worried, but she’ll come lookin’ for the bodies in a bit.”

I want to be pissed, but I know Angus is right. Parvarti won’t worry when we don’t come back, she’ll just see it as proof that she was right. We’re all just biding our time.

“This is bullshit,” Axl mutters.

He still hasn’t looked at me and he still hasn’t apologized, but all the anger I felt is gone now. All that’s left is pity. Axl loves Angus. Despite his brother being an asshole and a racist and giving Axl so much shit that Angus probably made life miserable for him at times. And he took care of Axl when their mom was too drunk to do it, then after she died. They’ve depended on each other for so long, I’m not sure Axl is going to know what to do with himself when Angus is gone. Even if he doesn’t take his brother’s advice the way he used to, Axl is still going to feel like a part of him has been ripped away.

“Well, this is about how I expected things to go down,” Angus says.

He pulls out a pack of cigarettes I didn’t even know he had and pops one in his mouth. The little match book he produces only has two sticks left. Luckily, the first one catches. He holds it to the end of the cigarette, sucking in until it catches, then tosses the lit match to the floor. It hits the dirt and the flame is smothered out. Angus lets out a big puff of smoke, filling the tiny room with the toxic aroma of tobacco. I’d complain if I didn’t think he deserved to smoke a cigarette or two before he died.

We sit in silence for a while, nothing but the banging above to distract us from the reality of what’s about to happen. I can’t stop staring at the bite, thinking about all the friends we’ve lost over the past few weeks. Too many. Soon there won’t be any of us left and this whole world will disappear.

“Can you feel it?” I ask.

“Feel what?” Angus says, staring at the ceiling.

Axl keeps his eyes on the dirt floor.

“The infection. Remember when Nathan got bit leaving the Monte Carlo? He said he could feel it. That it was like falling asleep or something. Do you feel anything like that?”

Angus shakes his head and takes a long drag. “Don’t feel shit,” he says, smoke coming out with the words.

“It shouldn’t be long,” I mutter.

We all know the position of the bite determines how long it takes for the infection to spread. The closer it is to the brain, the faster it moves through your body. The sooner it kills you. The sooner you turn.

“Shut up,” Axl hisses. “Don’t even say it.”

“Don’t get mad at Blondie, lil’ brother. She ain’t sayin’ nothin’ we don’t already know.”

Axl shakes his head and gets to his feet, crossing to the other side of the room. It’s such a small space that he doesn’t get far, though. He stands with his back to us, leaning against a shelf. His shoulders heave as he takes in a deep breath, then lets it out. Over and over again until I’m afraid he’s going to hyperventilate.

I want to go to him. To wrap my arms around him and pull him against me and let him cry until he doesn’t hurt anymore, but I’m afraid. Afraid he’ll yell at me again. Terrified he really does blame me for this. That he won’t be able to love me anymore once his brother is gone.

Angus pats my knee, and I turn to find him staring at me, the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. “He’ll be okay. Just gotta give him some space.”

I let out a deep breath and nod, then scoot over next to Angus so I can lean against the wall. It’s dirty and cobwebs tickle my nose, but I can’t make myself care about spiders after Angus’s bite. He pats my knee again, then takes a long drag off his cigarette, tilting his head up so he can blow the smoke toward the ceiling. I watch it float off, just visible in the dim light.

“I’m sorry, Angus,” I say.

“Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry ‘bout. We all knew this could happen, don’t mean we stop tryin’. I been doin’ the same thing my whole life. Tryin’ to live even though everythin’ ‘round me was shit. Ain’t nothin’ new, really.” He shakes his head again. “Just sorry you all gotta see me like this. I hate lookin’ weak.”

A snort and a sob break their way out of my throat at the exact same moment, and more tears fill my eyes. “No shit.”

Angus chuckles. “Guess you know me ‘bout as well as anybody could after all we been through.”

“I don’t know,” I say, my eyes on Axl’s back. He gets more rigid by the second. “I like to think there’s more to you.”

“Sorry to disappoint, but there ain’t. Was born a bastard and I’ll die a bastard, and there ain’t nothin’ nobody coulda done that woulda changed that.”

More tears fill my eyes, and I don’t know why, but I lean my head against his shoulder. “I don’t believe you, Angus.”

“Well, people are gonna believe what they want, I guess.” He takes another drag off his cigarette, then snuffs it out in the dirt. “You ain’t gonna like me sayin’ this, but I gotta, so just do a dyin’ man a favor an’ listen. Got it?”

I nod as I swipe my hand across my eyes. “Okay.”

“Your mama feels real bad ‘bout how things went down, and she wants to fix it. Kinda sees this whole thing as a second chance for her. I know I’m a hard ass and most people probably think I was just screwin’ her so I could get laid before I bit it, but that ain’t it. I like her. More than I ever liked anybody I dated before all this shit, that’s for sure. Wanted to take care of her. Now I ain’t gonna be ‘round, and I wanna make sure you do it for me. She acts all tough, but she’s soft. Like you.” He chuckles. “You two remind me of each other.”

“Don’t say things that will make me hate you right now, Angus.”

Angus lets out a laugh that echoes through the cellar, and Axl finally turns. His eyes move over us, but his expression is empty. No pain or anger or anything else. He looks like the Axl I met weeks ago on Route 66. The one who did everything his brother said without a word. Who deferred to his every opinion. Who followed orders. It’s like a stranger staring back at me.

“Don’t talk like this is the end,” Axl says when his eyes land on Angus.

“Oh, it’s the end, lil’ brother. Sooner you accept that the sooner we can get down to business. You an’ me both know we can’t let this go too far. Soon as I start actin’ like nothin’ matters, you gotta put a blade through my skull. You gotta end it.”

Axl shakes his head. “Can’t.”

“Don’t got a choice,” Angus says.

Axl’s mouth scrunches up and some of the storm comes back to his eyes. He doesn’t look away from his brother as he crosses the room. “That what you’d do? Stab me in the head then just walk away? Like I was nothin’!” Axl balls his hands into fists, and the last word echoes through the room.

Nothing.

That one word gives such an intimate glimpse inside Axl’s head that it makes goose bumps pop up on every inch of my skin.

Angus shifts at my side, and I move over. He hauls himself to his feet and crosses the room, stopping in front of his brother. I feel like I’m intruding. They’re going through something they’d never share with other people normally, and I know they’re rather be alone. But there’s nowhere for me to go.

“You listen here, and you listen good,” Angus says, his voice low and firm. “This whole life’s been shit. Grew up without a dad and with a mom that thought I was a good for nothin’ just like the bastard that ran out on her. Didn’t have much food and none of the stuff the other kids had. It made me mean and mad. Made me hate the world. The only thing in this whole goddamn world I ever cared ‘bout was you. When you was born, I promised myself I’d take care of you. Didn’t matter what that bitch did, I was gonna make sure you was okay. I sat up nights with you when you was a baby. Took care of you when you was sick. Changed your fuckin’ diapers! You ain’t nothin’ to me, and you ain’t nothin’ to them people back at the house. You’re the only thing that’s gonna get them through all this, ‘cause you got the best of me in you, but more than that too. You know how to care ‘bout people, and that’s what they need.”

Angus stops talking, and silence covers the room. My throat is so tight I can barely breathe, and my shoulders shake with sobs that refuse to stay hidden. I knew there was more to Angus. Knew he loved Axl more than everything else in this whole, shitty world put together. But this. Nothing could have prepared me for this.

And it looks like Axl feels the same way.

His face crumples as he squeezes his hands into fists. His shoulders shake with silent sobs, and before I know it, his forehead is leaning against his brother’s chest while Angus pats his back.

“Damn you, Angus,” Axl says, his voice muffled from tears and pain.

Angus just nods, standing there with his brother’s face pressed against his chest. Patting his back while Axl’s sobs echo through the room.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” I say, shaking my head.

“Nothin’ makes sense,” Angus replies, which is what has my head spinning.

He’s still talking. Still alert and still able to complain about how much the damn bite hurts. By now he should be feeling something. When Nathan was bitten in Vegas, he was feeling the effects five minutes later. James was lethargic within thirty minutes just from a couple scratches on the neck. But it’s been an hour—at least—and still nothing.

“You’re not feeling anything?” I ask for the hundredth time.

“Will you shut up?” Axl snaps.

Angus sits between us, and Axl still hasn’t cooled toward me yet. I know he’s pissed off and hurting and he needs to blame somebody, but the more time that goes by, the more nervous I get.

“Stop fightin’,” Angus mutters, getting to his feet. He goes over to the boxes left on the shelves and rips one open.

“What are you doing?” I ask, watching him sift through the box. This is so unreal. He should be turning by now, but he’s eating!

“Gettin’ somethin’ to eat. Probably oughta leave all this for you folks since I’m gonna bite it, but I’m starvin’.”

He comes back with three meals, tossing one to each of us before sitting down on the floor and tearing into his. The label on mine says Beef Stew, but just thinking about it makes my stomach flip. I’m too stressed to eat.

Axl follows his brother’s lead, but I’m not sure if he’s really hungry or just going through the motions. He keeps his eyes down, focused on the contents of the package when he dumps it on the floor. More packets fall out, all labeled with their contents. Mixed fruit, salt, plastic utensils, instant coffee, a powered grape drink. Even matches. Pretty much anything a person could need. Handy.

The brothers eat in silence. Above us, the noise from the zombies has settled down, turning from a constant pounding on the door to a few dull thumps every now and then. I strain my ears, trying to hear any noise over the sounds of the dead. Parvarti should be on her way to find us soon, and I want to be ready when she gets here.

Time passes and the men finish eating. The sounds from above become less and less frequent. My stomach growls, and I eventually tear into my own MRE, eating the food without really thinking about it. Not even tasting it. The only flashlight we have grows dimmer, but Parvarti still doesn’t come.

And nothing happens to Angus.

“You feel worse?” Axl says after what feels like hours of silence.

Angus shakes his head. “Nope. This bite hurts like a son of a bitch an’ I gotta pee, but that’s ‘bout all.”

“Maybe he’s immune,” I say, echoing the words Hadley screamed back at the shelter when James was bitten. Even as I say it, I feel stupid.

Axl sits forward, narrowing his gray eyes on me. “You think?”

I shrug, even though I don’t really believe it’s possible. That would be too much to hope for.

“Don’t get your hopes up.” Angus drags himself to his feet and walks to other side of the room, just past the stairs, stopping in the corner. “Gotta take a piss. Don’t let me catch you peekin’, Blondie,” he says as he pulls his zipper down.

I groan and roll my eyes.

Axl is still staring at me, but he doesn’t relax. “You think he could be immune?”

“I don’t know, Axl. It’s been hours and nothing has happened. He should feel something, right?”

The sound of Angus’s urine hitting the cement wall echoes through the room.

“Let’s not get all crazy,” he says, not looking over his shoulder. “It’s gonna happen and we all know it.”

“You could get lucky,” I say as hope swirls around inside me.

He snorts. “No such thing as luck.”

Angus should be feeling some kind of change by now. First, it’s a lethargic state and a drop in body temperature. No fever with this virus. Then the person bounces back. I remember how Emily seemed to snap out of it in a matter of minutes, going from laying around doing nothing to wanting to play with little Ava. It’s always possible Angus missed the first two steps for some crazy reason—we really know nothing about how this virus works—but he ate. Emily said she was hungry, but when I tried to get her to eat, she wouldn’t. She said it tasted funny. Angus not only ate his MRE, but half of mine. No, he doesn’t fit with the pattern at all.

Angus zips up his fly and heads back our way, throwing himself on the floor next to me.

I pick the flashlight up and scoot closer. “I want to take a look at your bite.”

He shrugs. “Don’t matter, but if it makes you feel better.”

Axl moves closer as I hold the light over the wound. The teeth marks look like double crescents of jagged puncture marks. The skin is torn and red, with dried blood caked all over it. There’s no denying it was a set of sharp, human teeth that did this. Not that I expected to see something different.

I lower the flashlight and sit back.

“You find what you’re lookin’ for?” Angus asks.

“I don’t know what I was looking for.”

“Makes two of us,” he says with a grunt. “All you’re gonna end up doin’ is gettin’ your hopes up, and this ain’t just ‘bout me. You start thinkin’ people can live through a bite, then you’re gonna start believin’ there’s an end to all this somewhere. That’s dangerous, Blondie.”

“Stop calling me Blondie, Angus.”

He shrugs but of course doesn’t promise to stop.

“We gotta get outta here,” Axl mutters. “Get back to see the doc. See what he says.”

“He don’t know shit. The doc’s good, but this might as well be a leprechaun bite. Ain’t nothin’ he can do ‘bout it.”

I let out a deep breath and lean against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. I don’t know why, but I think Angus is wrong, and I’m just about to tell him as much when the distant sound of a horn breaks through the silence in the cellar.

I sit up and look toward the brothers, who are staring up at the cellar door. The horn blares again, this time longer. Axl jumps to his feet and immediately grabs my hand so he can pull me up as well. It must be instinct, because he’s still pissed and I know it. Angus jumps up behind us, but before he heads to the stairs, he runs over and sweeps up three more boxes of MREs. Good thinking.

“Rambo’s here,” Angus says, heading toward the stairs.

“‘Bout time.” Axl looks down at me, and his eyebrows pull together. My hand is still in his, but he doesn’t let it go. If anything, his grip tightens on it. “They’re probably usin’ the horn to draw ‘em away, but not all of ‘em are gonna go. We gotta be careful.”

That’s why he’s suddenly decided to give me the time of day. He’s afraid I’m going to get bitten too.

“We’ll be alright,” I say, pulling my hand out of his.

Axl’s eyes move to my hand, but he just nods and starts up the steps.

Before I can follow, Angus pushes past me. “Back up! You ain’t the one bit, so you ain’t goin’ first. I am. No way in hell I’m lettin’ you charge out there ‘head of me.”

He shoves the boxes into Axl’s hands, then takes a deep breath. I square my shoulders, preparing myself for what’s about to come. The horn is still honking, but it seems to be quieter than it was at first, and I know Axl is right. Someone is leading the zombies off so we can get out. Thank God these things are dumb.

Angus whips out his knife, then shoves the door open. It slams against the ground above us as light pours into the cellar, temporarily blinding me. My hands go to my eyes, and it hits me for the first time that I’m not armed. My knife got lost in the fight, and I ran out of bullets. If only I hadn’t taken my jacket off.

Before I’ve even had a chance to adjust to the bright light, Angus is yelling for me to move. I do my best, squinting and shielding my eyes as I charge up the stairs behind Angus. The horn is still blaring in the distance, and Angus is cursing up a storm—as usual—but the moaning of the dead is minimal.

Icy air whips across my skin when I step out. I pry my eyes open, only to find snow swirling around us. It’s coming down in fat flakes, and already another inch must have fallen while we were stuffed into that cellar. It makes the junk littering the yard impossible to see as I rush forward. My toes bang against hidden hubcaps and I stumble over buried bags of trash as I try to keep up with the brothers. Then my feet get tangled in something soft, and my whole body lurches forward. I throw my hands out to cushion the blow, landing in the snow with a thud that vibrates up my arms. My thin T-shirt is soaked the second I hit the ground, and shivers have started moving through my body.

“Vivian!” Axl yells as I roll onto my back.

He’s only a few feet in front of me, but he’s stopped running. Angus is in front of him, his knife drawn as he runs for the few bodies still lumbering through the backyard.

Whatever it was that tripped me up is still tangled around my feet. I kick at it until it’s loose enough to get off, then start to scramble up. That’s when I notice the brown plaid pattern peeking through the snow. It’s Axl’s jacket!

I scoop it up off the ground as I jump to my feet, running after Axl and Angus. The horn has gotten further away, and it looks like most of the zombies followed it. Totally clearing our way to the car. Even more wonderful is the fact that the SUV’s engine is running and Parvarti is sitting behind the wheel.

We reach the car and Angus jumps into the passenger seat. Axl pulls open the back door, tossing the boxes into the back before pulling me forward. Shoving me inside ahead of him. Then he slides in after me and shuts the door, slamming it just as Parvarti throws the car into gear.

She doesn’t say anything as she turns the car around and speeds out of the woods, making a sharp turn onto County Line Road. Once we’re on our way though, she looks back. Her eyes sweep over me, then turn to Axl. When she moves on to study Angus, her eyebrows pull together.

“You out of bullets?” she asks, her voice as even as it would be if she were asking someone to pass the salt at dinner.

Angus nods and his hand automatically going to his injury. “Yup.”

She nods once, then turns to focus on the road. “We’ll take care of it when we get back. Maybe the ground is still soft enough for us to dig a hole.”

“No!” Axl shouts, his words vibrating off the walls of the kitchen. “You ain’t shootin’ him! It’s been hours and nothin’s changed. He ain’t turnin’.”

“But he will,” Winston says calmly.

Angus sits at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him and Darla at his side while the rest of us stand near the island. It’s like we’re afraid to get too close. The generator is on, and the lights are bright enough that I can see how bad the bite on Angus’s shoulder really is. Even if he doesn’t turn, he may get an infection. It’s already red and swollen.

“We need to give it some more time,” I say.

Winston shakes his head, and Joshua swipes his hand through his hair. Lila looks like she’s ready to cry, which doesn’t make a lot of sense, because she and Angus hate each other. Al’s frowning, while Brady drums his fingers on the counter. Parvarti doesn’t even blink.

“What do you think we’ll gain by waiting?” Brady asks calmly.

Axl glares at him, but the other man doesn’t even acknowledge it.

“I don’t know,” I admit.

“I haven’t been around this yet, so I’m not sure what to expect,” Brady begins slowly, “but I’ll be honest. Based on what you’ve said, I tend to agree with Vivian. It sounds like this doesn’t fit the normal pattern, which could end up being a good thing.”

“So what, then?” Parvarti asks, her voice low. “You think he’s immune?”

Everyone’s eyes move toward me, then over to where Angus sits.

“I don’t know,” I reply. “I’m just saying this is different. You all know it is.”

“People aren’t immune to viruses. Not the way you’re implying,” Winston says calmly.

I turn to face Joshua, trying to ignore the way Axl won’t stop pacing or how Darla won’t stop sobbing. “What do you think? Is it possible?”

Joshua puts his hands on his head and squeezes his skull. I’m not sure if he’s trying to hurt himself or if he has a headache he’s trying to massage away. “It’s hard to say. I’m not a virologist and we don’t really know much about this virus. One thing we do know: this thing is manmade. There was never any doubt about that.”

“So it’s possible?” Axl says.

I turn to find him standing in the middle of the room, staring at Joshua like he holds the key to life and death.

“I just don’t know.”

“So what do you suggest?” Winston asks.

He finally trimmed his beard, but now that he has, I can see how thin his face has become. He looks older, too. The skin around his eyes droops and his shoulders are slumped like it’s too much effort to keep them up.

“We wait,” I say calmly.

“We have to,” Sophia says, speaking up for the first time. “We can’t kill him if there’s a chance.”

Winston looks around, and I follow his gaze to find everyone nodding. The only people who seem to be unconcerned are Parvarti and Angus.

“Alright,” Winston says. “We wait. But if he reaches the point where he starts to act catatonic, we have to end it. And I want someone watching him constantly while he’s sleeping.” His eyes move to Axl, and he frowns. “Someone who will be able to put a bullet in his head without hesitation.”

I’d laugh if things weren’t so screwed up. Most of the people standing here have probably thought about putting a bullet in Angus’s head on more than one occasion.

Axl heads over to join Angus and Darla at the table while almost everyone else files out of the kitchen. I think about following Axl but decide not to. He doesn’t really act like he’s pissed at me anymore, but he’s preoccupied with his brother and I don’t want to get in the way.

Brady starts washing mugs, and Parvarti hasn’t moved from where she’s leaning against the refrigerator. Everyone else disappears in a matter of seconds. It’s getting late and the sun has started to set, and I know people are anxious to shower while we have electricity, but I still hate that they all ran off. Without Axl next to me, I feel alone.

“I miss Hadley,” I say.

Parvarti turns to face me, her brown eyes holding mine for a few seconds before she says, “Hadley is gone and soon Angus will join her.”

Anger shoots through me until my face is hot and I feel like I’m going to burst. “Can’t you feel anything?”

“I don’t want to feel,” she says, pushing herself away from the fridge.

“Where did your compassion go? You weren’t like this when we met. I know you lost Trey and I’m sorry, but we have it so much better than we could.”

“This is all temporary. Enjoy it while you can.”

Parvarti turns and heads out of the kitchen, and I clamp my mouth shut so I don’t make it worse. With the way my blood is boiling, I’m liable to say something I’ll really regret. Like telling her to just go ahead and end it if she’s so sure there’s no future.

Brady stops in the middle of scrubbing a mug. “Not everyone can deal. Just give her some time.”

“I’ve given her time,” I say. “If anything, she’s gotten colder. More detached.”

He goes back to his mug, not looking up at me when he says, “Then maybe this isn’t the world for her.”

“Maybe,” I mutter, leaving the kitchen with my blood still on fire.

Joshua is just coming back into the house when I reach the front door, carrying a bag full of medical supplies. He puts it down so he can remove his shoes while I shove my feet into mine.

“You going to clean the bite?” I ask, nodding toward the bag.

“Figured I should. Not sure if he’s going to make it, but if he does, he may need antibiotics. That bite looks pretty nasty.”

When his shoes are off, Joshua scoops the bag up and heads toward the kitchen. I pause for just a second and say a silent prayer. Asking God to save Angus seems more off than any of the other requests I’ve thrown His way since this whole thing started, but that doesn’t mean God won’t hear me.

Once I’m done, I head out into the icy night, cutting through the thick snow to the house Axl and I have been sleeping in. I’m tired and I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night.

By tomorrow, we should know for sure what this bite means for Angus.

I’m shivering when I wake up. The house is quieter than the world outside and colder than the arctic. Rays of light shine in through the window, hitting the bed and magnifying the fact that I’m alone. Axl never came to bed last night.

I knew he wouldn’t leave Angus, but for some reason it still hurts. Maybe I should have stayed, but I felt like they needed privacy after everything that had been said in the cellar. Angus’s admission couldn’t have been easy, and I know he only said what he did because he thought he was dying. If he doesn’t die, he’s going to have to face the fact that he admitted he has feelings. It isn’t going to be an easy thing for him.

The question is: did Angus make it through the night?

There’s a part of me that dreads heading over to Brady’s house, but another part can’t stand the thought of going another second living in suspense.

I crawl out of bed and dress as quickly as I can before hurrying downstairs. Outside, the world is calm and white—and cold as fuck. It would be pretty if I wasn’t so scared that my legs threaten to collapse with every step I take.

Footprints cut through the snow, leading from the couple houses we’ve occupied to Brady’s place. It’s hard to tell if they’re from last night or this morning, though, and I don’t have a clue what time it is. Late morning, judging by the sun.

When I shove the front door open at Brady’s, I’m hit with voices and laughter, as well as the orgasmic scent of coffee and something baking. It’s hard to say what it is, but it makes my stomach growl. The atmosphere is way too cheery. There’s no way Angus had to be put down.

I kick my boots off as fast as I can and hurry to the kitchen, where everyone seems to be crowded around the small table. Extra chairs have been pulled up, and the thing is so loaded with down coffee mugs I’m surprised it doesn’t collapse under the weight. Sophia and the kids are here, and Winston and Joshua. Even Anne, who still looks heartbroken, but stronger. Al and Lila share a chair, her tiny butt perched on his leg and his handless arm wrapped around her waist. Parvarti is leaning up against the wall, standing away from the group, and Brady is next to her.

When my eyes land on Angus, I let out a deep sigh of relief. Darla is glued to his side, cooing over him like a mother does a baby. It’s gross, but I’m so happy to see him sitting in the kitchen smiling—and getting along with everyone else—that I don’t think I’d care even if I’d walked in and found them doing it in the middle of the floor.

Axl seems to be the only person missing from the group.

Angus looks up and motions for me to come over. “Don’t be shy, Blondie, it ain’t your style.”

“You’re okay?” I say, crossing the room to stand in front of him. Smiling so much my cheeks hurt.

“Sure am. My shoulder still hurts like hell, but I ain’t gonna take a bite outta nobody any time soon.” His eyes move to my mom and he grins. “Except maybe you.”

Darla giggles and I roll my eyes, even though my disgust is only half-hearted.

“I’m so glad!”

Angus throws his head back and laughs. “Thought you might be. In fact, I was just tellin’ everybody how you blubbered all over yourself when you thought I was dyin’. Cryin’ like crazy, huggin’ me. Showin’ your real feelin’s for a change.”

I snort and roll my eyes again, but I can’t stop smiling. “You really love to push people’s buttons, don’t you?”

Angus laughs again, and almost everyone joins in. The mood is lighter than it was our first day back in the shelter, and I can’t blame anyone. Angus was bitten by a zombie and he lived. We didn’t think it was possible, and it suddenly feels like the clouds have opened up and the sun is shining down on us after weeks of darkness. It doesn’t feel real.

“Guess you were right,” Winston says, smiling. “Have to be honest, I never thought I’d be happy to see Angus’s face sitting across from me, but I am.”

“I feel cheated,” Al says, his mouth turning down into a mock frown. “I thought for sure I was going to get to shoot him in the head. It’s like the Grinch showed up and stole Christmas.”

Lila shoves him and he pulls her closer, and everyone starts laughing and talking so loudly I can’t make out any words. I’m so relieved I feel like doing a dance.

Angus is immune!

“Where’s Axl?” I ask, looking around like he’ll suddenly materialize.

Angus tilts his head toward the ceiling. “Shower. Was up all night. I told him to get some sleep, but of course he won’t. That boy never could take orders.”

I snort as I turn away. Right. When I first met them, Axl jumped before Angus even told him to.

I head upstairs, a smile still on my face. Now that Angus is okay, Axl and I are going to have to deal with our fight, but I’m not going to let the tension spoil the light mood.

The bathroom door is shut and steam seeps out from under it. Inside, the water’s still running, so I let myself in. It’s big, with an oval tub and a separate shower totally encased in glass. Everything is covered in a layer of condensation, but I can still see Axl when he turns my way.

I consider stripping down so I can climb in with him, but I don’t like the idea of us turning to sex to work out our problems, so I stay where I am. Crossing my arms over my chest and leaning against the counter. Waiting for him to finish. It takes less than thirty seconds for him to turn the shower off.

He opens the door and more steam rushes out, making the air in the room so thick it reminds me of the sauna in the shelter. Where we first fooled around. Or tried to, anyway.

“Angus is alright,” Axl says, stepping out.

“I just saw him. Everyone seems to be better now.”

He nods and grabs a towel, and I watch silently as he runs it over his head and face, then down his body, soaking up the little beads of water clinging to his skin. He’s leaner than he was when we met, but not any less muscular. Hard work will do that.

Axl wraps the towel around his waist, then just stands there. Like he’s waiting for me to say something.

“I’m sorry I didn’t stay with you yesterday when we were out. I let my anger get the best of me and put us all in danger.” He still doesn’t say anything, and tension builds in my stomach, squeezing my insides until I almost throw up. “I wasn’t thinking, and I was being stupid. Moody and childish. I was mad that you took Angus’s side over mine.” The longer he doesn’t say anything, the more words tumble from my mouth until I feel like nothing I’m saying makes sense. Finally I spout out, “Will you say something? Please!”

“Them things I said.” He clears his throat and shakes his head. “I didn’t mean ‘em.”

“You were mad, I get it.” I hug myself tighter when my heart starts to hurt. I may get it, but thinking about it still makes me feel like I’m being stabbed.

Axl crosses the room and pulls me against him. “I was pissed and hurt, an’ I let it turn me into somethin’ I ain’t. Been fightin’ it my whole life. It’s like this thing livin’ inside me. A wild animal threatenin’ to rip me in two. I try to ignore it ‘cause I don’t wanna be a hothead like Angus, but sometimes it gets the better of me. Makes me say an’ do dumb shit that I hate myself for later. But what I said, that was wrong. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“We’re all controlled by our emotions at times,” I say, rubbing my face against his moist skin. “It’s okay.”

Axl pulls back and looks down at me, his hands still on my shoulders. “No, it ain’t. I’m sorry. More sorry than I ever been in my whole damn life.”

“I forgive you,” I say, standing on the tips of my toes. Kissing him. Wrapping my hands around him and pulling him as close as I can.

As he kisses me back, more hope blooms in my chest than ever before. What we have here is something new and fresh, and it makes the future look brighter. Makes me feel, more than ever before, like life can start over. Sure we’ve lost, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a life again one day. It doesn’t mean that humanity won’t continue. Maybe we’re facing a new world, but it doesn’t have to be all bad. We can find the good in it.

Coming soon…

New World

Book five in the Broken World series

Summer of 2015

About the Author

Kate L. Mary is a stay-at-home mother of four and an Air Force wife. She grew up in a small town just north of Dayton, Ohio, where she and her husband met at the age of twelve. Since their marriage in 2002, they have lived in Georgia, Mississippi, South Carolina, and California.

Kate enjoys any post-apocalyptic story—especially if zombies are involved—as long as there is a romantic twist to give the story hope. Kate prefers nerdy, non-traditional heroes who can make you laugh to hunky pieces of man-meat, and her love of wine and chocolate is legendary among her friends and family. She currently resides in Oklahoma with her husband and children.

You can find out more information about Kate L. Mary by following her on Twitter, or you can visit her on Facebook or at www.KateLMary.com. Sign up for her newsletter to get monthly updates on new releases and giveaways.

Check out these other titles by Kate L. Mary:

Collision

New Adult Romantic Mystery

Available now on Kindle and Kindle Unlimited

Some secrets are better left untold…

When eighteen-year-old Kara Jones gets into a car accident on the way home from college, she’s left with more than a few bruised ribs, a busted cell phone, and a totaled car. After a slip-up at the hospital, she’s shaken to discover that her family isn’t all it seems. And now her mother’s strange behavior and willingness to do anything to protect her secrets—including pulling Kara out of school—have Kara floundering in the dark.

Enter Derek Miller, a former classmate who’s dealing with family issues of his own. His nerdy charm is too much for Kara to resist, and she’s even more amazed when he agrees to help her dig into her mother’s past. Together they investigate her mother’s old friends and boyfriends, hoping to discover who Kara really is. Instead, they find disturbing connections to the dark history of Kent State University, and an ever expanding maze of mystery surrounding Kara’s birth.

As Kara and Derek chase secrets, she realizes he’s the only person she can trust. But as they get closer to the truth, the disturbing answers reveal a web of evil far darker and further reaching than they’d imagined, leaving Kara to wish she’d never asked the questions in the first place.

The List

(College of Charleston, #1)

New Adult Contemporary Romance

Available May 26th from Lyrical Press for Kindle, Nook, iBooks & Kobo

The List. Twenty things every girl must do before she turns twenty. . .

Body piercing
Get drunk
First kiss

But thanks to her crazy, over-protective father, Annie Roth is way behind schedule. Good thing it’s her first semester of college, because Annie is more than ready to start checking off items. . .

Fake ID
Skinny dipping
Road trip!!!

Where it gets complicated? Ryan and Chris. Best friends. Both sweet, funny, totally hot, and totally into Annie.

But there are some things on The List that Annie only wants to do with Ryan. . .

Lose it
Get Heart Broken
Fall in love

No Regrets

(College of Charleston, #2)

New Adult Contemporary Romance

Coming September 2015 from Lyrical Press for Kindle, Nook, iBooks & Kobo

College is supposed to be fun…

Go to parties

Pick up guys

Maybe get in a little trouble

On the surface Cami is your average, wild teenager out to have a good time, but inside she’s struggling. Almost a year ago her best friend was in a car accident, an accident Cami feels responsible for. Since then, she’s made it her personal mission to experience everything life has to offer, both for herself and for Julie, who will never have fun again.

Then she meets Liam, her cousin’s sexy roommate. Hooking up with a hot British dude seems like the perfect way to start off the school year, but the more time she spends with him, the more she finds herself actually liking the guy. Which totally screws up her plans to live life with no regrets…

Prep For Doom
Band of Dystopian Anthology

Coming June 18th

From the imaginations of twenty authors of dystopian and post-apocalyptic fiction comes PREP FOR DOOM – an integrated collection of short stories that tell the tale of a single catastrophe as experienced by many characters, few of whom will ever meet. What begins with a seemingly innocuous traffic accident soon spirals into a global pandemic. The release of Airborne Viral Hemorrhagic Fever upon New York City’s unsuspecting populace brings bloody suffering within hours, death within a day, and spreads worldwide within a month.

An online community called Prep For Doom has risen to the top of a recent doomsday preparation movement. Some have written them off as crazy while others couldn’t be more serious about the safety the preppers could provide in a global disaster. But when AVHF strikes, their preparation may not be enough to save them.

Playlist

As always, you can check out my playlist for Lost World at Grooveshark!

Long Time Traveller by The Wailin’ Jennys

I really loved this song for how the group felt at the beginning. They’ve been on the road for weeks and feel like they have nowhere to go, but they’re desperately looking for a home. Not all hope is gone yet.

Starlight by The Wailin’ Jennys

This is a great song representing the little bit of hope Vivian has left that they will be able to find a safe place.

The Parting Glass by The Wailin Jennys

You may recognize this song from season three of The Walking Dead. Maggie and Beth sing this song the first night the group reaches the prison. It’s actually what introduced me to The Wailin’ Jennys, and it’s perfect for any story like this. It’s the group trying to move forward and cling to hope after their devastating loses at the Hot Springs.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder The Secret Sisters

Vivian’s song after they find Brady, representing her hope for the future. They’ve lost so much and Hadley is still missing, but Vivian is doing her best to look ahead and hang on.

(The Following Songs are not yet on Grooveshark since they are new, but you should definitely check them out!)

The Words by Christina Perri

This is Jon’s song to Hadley. He’s lost everything, but when he looks at her he sees a possibility for starting over, and he’s begging her to just love him back. “The scariest part is letting go. Let my love be the light that guides you home.” Those lines say it all.

Human by Christina Perri

This is Hadley’s song. She’s barely holding on, but she’s trying and she’s determined to get through. Still, there are going to be rough times ahead and she knows it.

Silhouettes by Of Monsters and Men

I think of this as a great son for both Vivian and Hadley. They’ve become very close, but they’ve been separated and they aren’t sure if the other person is alive. They both find a safe place and see hope for the future, but the ghost of the other person makes it impossible to really feel like everything is going to be okay.

Gale Song by The Lumineers

Angus’s song after he gets bitten. He’s facing death and he’s spilled his guts to his brother, and for the first time we are able to see how vulnerable he really is.

I Believe by Christina Perri

This was the perfect song to end the book on. The future still isn’t bright, but there’s hope on the horizon. They can see the possibility of a real future, and they want to be able to believe that all their struggles aren’t in vain. There are so many great lines in this song, and it’s such a good representation of how the group is feeling at the end of the book.

Angus & Axl- “The darkness reminds where light can be.”

Jon & Hadley- “You fell so you would land next to me.”

Vivian and Axl- “Your scars turn into beauty.”

“This is not the end of me, this is the beginning…”