Dirty Deeds and Bloody Knaves
Date: 2017-07-15 04:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Steampunk; Fantasy; retellings; Short Stories; Fairy Tales
Description: From the world of Curiouser and Curiouser: Steampunk Alice in Wonderland A Steampunk Fairy Tales Short Story When Knave and Rabbit are given a job by the countess, there’s no distance they won’t climb to get the job done. Coming back down, however, proves much stickier.

Dirty Deeds & Bloody Knaves

A Steampunk Fairy Tales Short Story

Melanie Karsak

Table of Contents

Title Page

Dirty Deeds and Bloody Knaves (Steampunk Fairy Tales)

Dirty Deeds and Bloody Knaves: A Steampunk Fairy Tales Short Story

Clockpunk Press, 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without permission from the author.

This is a work of fiction. All characters and events portrayed are fictional. Any resemblances to the living or the dead are purely coincidental.

Published by Clockpunk Press

Editing by Becky Stephens Editing

Proofreading by Siren Editing

From the world of Curiouser and Curiouser: Steampunk Alice in Wonderland

Part of the Steampunk Fairy Tales Series

When Knave and Rabbit are given a job by the countess, there’s no distance they won’t climb to get the job done. Coming back down, however, proves much stickier.

“That it?” Rabbit whispered as he bent down to tie his bootlace.

The wind whipped off the Thames, making the tails on my jacket flutter. The airships anchored at the London tower rocked in their berths. The loading platforms were busy. Passengers pushed and shoved one another to board the massive, four-prop transport headed to the major European hub in Calais.

I pretended to fumble with my hat, dropping it so I could follow Rabbit’s gaze. On the platform below us, the airship pirates—or merchants as they would have the commoners believe—were loading the last of their ill-gotten goods onto the Mechanica. I glanced down at the platform. The Rose Red was docked just behind the pirate ship. I smirked.

“Yeah, that’s it. Come on,” I told Rabbit, snatching up my hat. The little white-haired boy, wearing knee britches, suspenders, and a black eye from a recent scuffle, grinned up at me. We headed down the platform. As we went, Rabbit pickpocketed a money clip, an expensive-looking parcel, and a glimmering brooch from the crowd of travelers. I pretended not to notice.

At the end of the platform, the tower guards surveyed the crowd suspiciously. I lowered the brim of my hat and watched my feet as we passed on our way to the stairs. I cast a sidelong glance at Rabbit who was now wearing a very expensive-looking silk ascot. He had his hands in his pockets, an expression of cherub-like innocence on his face.

Grinning, I ruffled the boy’s hair.

The sun was sinking below the horizon. When we reached the lower platform, a lamplighter was making his way down the thoroughfare, lighting the gas lamps. The sky was a strange mix of blue and orange, the last echo of the sun dipping below the horizon as the moon rose.

I made my way down the platform toward the Rose Red. My eyes, however, took in every inch of the Mechanica. Merchant ship, my sweet arse. They loaded box after box of illicit goods. I watched as a small red crate made its way onto the ship. Captain Pace snarled at his crew. Bloody pirate. I wondered how much he’d paid the guards to let him dock here. He was wanted in at least three ports in the States and a dozen more in Europe.

Frowning, I turned my attention to the pleasure cruiser, the Rose Red, in the berth behind the Mechanica. I drew up next to the loading gate. Lingering against the rail of the ship was half a dozen of the prettiest tarts I’d ever seen. Wearing more makeup than clothes, they waved and called to passersby.

“Come on, love. Just a quick jot to Dublin and back,” a blonde-haired harlot purred at a refined gentleman who looked downright scandalized that she’d spoken to him.

I laughed.

Rabbit coughed then gave me a knowing look.

“Yeah. Yeah. You know what you’re about, then?”

He patted his pocket, winked at me, then meandered down the platform.

I turned to the guard at the entrance of the Rose Red.

“I’m here to see the captain,” I said.

The man, who was twice my size, raised an eyebrow at me. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a playing card and handed it to him: the Knave of Hearts.

He took the card, gave me an assessing glance, then turned and headed toward the captain’s cabin.

A woman with long black hair in a red silk gown came to the side of the ship. Her dark eyes were lined with charcoal, her lips tinted cherry red. Her dress was cut along the length her legs to her hips, a stark contrast to the high-necked top secured by silk latches.

“Coming aboard, handsome?” she asked, fingering the lapel of my coat.

“We’ll see in a moment,” I said, eyeing the direction toward which the guard had gone.

“Such a rugged face,” she said, gently stroking my cheek.

I grinned.

“And dimples too,” she said, toying with my chin. “Good looking man like you, don’t you have a girl?”

I smirked. I did. A lot of them, actually. “Not tonight. Why, you want to be my girl?”

She laughed, her voice sounding like a tinkling bell. “Maybe. But I’m quite expensive,” she said, leaning in to whisper the last part.

“Really? Why?”

“Well, in China I learned to—” she was about to whisper something wonderfully obscene in my ear when the door to the captain’s cabin opened. The gruff-looking commander appeared. He looked from the Mechanica berthed in front of him then back to me. He nodded to me, tilting his head toward the prow of the ship, then headed toward the wheelstand. With a whistle, he signaled to the crew in the balloon basket to fire up the ship.

The guard motioned for me to come aboard.

The pretty whore took my arm and attempted to lead me toward a secluded area at the rear of the ship.

I shook my head and motioned for her to follow me to the front. The girl smiled sweetly, but I saw her dark eyes take in that they were preparing for departure, that the lamps aboard were being extinguished, and that the ship was not yet at capacity.

I scanned the deck of the ship. Spying a coil of rope tethered to the deck, I settled onto a bench beside it. Leaning back, I casually eyed the platform outside the Mechanica. There, Rabbit was busy trying to panhandle passersby. The Mechanica was pulling up anchor, the balloon holding her aloft and turning orange as it filled with heat and light. The Rose Red made her own preparations for departure.

“So, what’s your name,” the girl asked. She hooked one leg over mine.

“I hardly think it matters,” I replied. “What about you?”

“I hardly think it matters,” she replied as she played with the top button of my shirt.

The Mechanica lifted out of port.

I looked back at Rabbit who meandered to the end of the platform and leaned against the rail of the empty dock.

The crew on the Rose Red called to one another, and a moment later, the ship lifted out of port. The massive propeller at the back of the ship turned quickly while the gears below deck ground and clattered. The airship followed the Mechanica.

The girl eyed the pirate ship in the distance then smirked at me.

The Rose Red drew up behind the pirate ship quickly. I watched as the prow turned, coming up alongside the port of the other ship.

Suddenly, a massive pop sounded from the airship towers. A shot of light streamed toward the Mechanica. The light whistled as it sped across the sky. When it was within close range of the ship, it exploded into a shower of red and orange fireworks. The patrons on the Rose Red, most of them already drunk, or drunk on their impending debauchery, clapped and cheered at the display. I eyed the Mechanica. The crew aboard that ship had a distinctly different reaction. The captain left the wheelstand and was looking back at the tower through his spyglass, an angry expression on his face.

I reached out and touched the lovely tart’s cheek. “It does matter. What’s your name?” I asked her.

“Mei,” she said, and this time, a real smile lit up her face.

“Mei. I’m Jack,” I said then rose.

A whistle and a flash of light shot across the sky once more, moving quickly in the direction of the pirate ship.

Grabbing the rope tied to the deck, I wrapped it around my hands then climbed onto the rail of the Rose Red.

Mei stood, crossed her arms, and eyed me skeptically.

Behind me, another firework—more a fireball—exploded close to the side of the Mechanica. The airship pirates started yelling, and the entire crew rushed to the starboard side of the ship.

“Be a doll and pull up the rope after me,” I told Mei.

She arched an eyebrow, a bemused expression on her face. “I take it you’re about to do something knavish?”

“Never,” I replied with a wink. “Nice to meet you, Mei,” I said, and then I jumped.

Holding on tight, I swung toward the Mechanica. The crew of the ship, distracted by the fireworks, they had not noticed the second airship swing close to them only to drop its payload—that would be me—on deck on the port side.

I landed on board the Mechanica with a soft thud. At once, I headed toward the stack of boxes the crew had loaded. The box I was looking for was easy to find. It was the only one painted red.

A series of fireworks popped into the air from the end of the platform. Shimmering gold, silver, red, and purple illuminated the sky. I hoped Rabbit had the sense to run now that his job was done or I’d have to spend the rest of the night trying to liberate him from the Bow Street Runners.

I pulled the tarp off the stack of boxes and grabbed the red box. Hiding in the shadows, I worked quickly. I pulled my lockpick kit out of my pocket and quickly worked the lock. Alice was right. I needed more practice. Unlocking the bloody thing took longer than it should have.

The crew, assured their ship was not on fire and that they were not under attack, that someone was merely making pranks, got back to work.

The lock clicked.

I opened the box. Silver and bronze glimmered in the dim light of the balloon. Nestled on a bed of straw within was a clockwork heart. I pulled off my jacket, tossed it aside, then closed the lid on the red box and shoved it in my pack.

“Oi, who is that there? What the hell are you doing?” one of the pirates called from the ropes above.

Not good.

Moving quickly, I slung my pack back on.

“Captain! Stowaway! Thief!” the henchman who’d spotted me yelled.

Suddenly, a dozen angry pirates moved toward me. Adjusting my pack, I jumped up onto the rail of the ship.

Captain Pace, the notorious commander of the Mechanica, rounded the side of the airship, his pistol drawn.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” the captain growled as he trained his gun on me.

“Down,” I replied, tipping my top hat to him. And then I jumped off the ship.

A split second later, I heard a gunshot.

Too close.

My heart was beating hard as I began to freefall. The breeze caught my hat which fluttered off into oblivion. Dammit. I liked that hat. The ground was coming up fast. A crow flew by, squawking loudly at my unexpected appearance. Reaching up to my shoulder, I pulled the ripcord on the parachute.

There was a ruffle of silk as the material ejected from my pack. The wind caught the parachute, and the fabric slowed my fall.

Gripping the steering lines that controlled the parachute, I studied the ground. I was just above Hyde Park. I scanned the park grounds until I saw the glow of blue light. Tugging the cords, I directed myself in the direction of the light. I sent a silent prayer of thanks to the man at the Daedelus Company who’d showed me how to use the parachute. I might have been good at a lot of things, but falling wasn’t one of them.

Overhead, I heard shouting as the crew of the Mechanica turned the airship in my direction while also dropping altitude. I needed to be quick. Once I was finally on the ground, I detached the hooks behind me and raced toward the blue light.

I could hear the purr of an engine, and a moment later, the shadowed shape of the open-cover motor vehicle came into view. Pulling on a calm face, I opened the door and slipped into the vehicle.

The countess turned and smiled at me. “Well?” she asked as she extinguished the blue lantern she’d been holding.

I handed the box to her. “Just another day’s work.”

She dropped the lantern to the ground outside the vehicle then took the box. Opening the lid, she stared at the contents a moment, closed the lid, then handed it back to me. “Be a dear and hold that,” she said then put the vehicle into drive. Looking up, she frowned at the Mechanica.

“Bloody airship pirates. Fancy a pint?” she asked as she drove across the manicured park lawn, then pulled the vehicle back onto the road.

I grinned at the countess. “What are we drinking to?”

“The Mechanica, of course.”

“The Mechanica? No. How about to...to matters of the heart?”

The countess laughed. “I can drink to that. Let’s go pick up Rabbit.”

I nodded then looked up at the sky. In the distance, I saw the glowing orange of the balloon on the Rose Red. To matters of the heart indeed.

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Learn more about the Steampunk Fairy Tales series at MelanieKarsak.com