Evernight
Author: Claudia Gray
Date: 2008-05-27 04:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Young Adult; Vampires; Fantasy; Paranormal; Romance; Paranormal Romance; Supernatural; Fiction; Urban Fantasy; Teen; General; Young Adult Fiction; Girls & Women; Horror; Social Themes
Description: Bianca wants to escape. She's been uprooted from her small hometown and enrolled at Evernight Academy, an eerie Gothic boarding school where the students are somehow too perfect: smart, sleek, and almost predatory. Bianca knows she doesn't fit in. Then she meets Lucas. He's not the "Evernight type" either, and he likes it that way. Lucas ignores the rules, stands up to the snobs, and warns Bianca to be careful—even when it comes to caring about him. "I couldn't stand it if they took it out on you," he tells Bianca, "and eventually they would." But the connection between Bianca and Lucas can't
Publisher: Harper Collins

DESCENT INTO DAMNATION

Lily froze as every instinct screamed a dire warning. Numbness spread through her body, rooting her to the floor. Afraid to be right, terrified to be wrong, Lily turned around slowly.

HE was here. Standing inside her home, looking so darkly beautiful, he was HERE.

Julian saw her shock and smelled her fear. He smiled and sauntered over to his found pet. Stopping when only mere inches separated them, he whispered, “Hello, darling. Thanks for the invite. It truly saved us both a lot of time. Time, I’m sure you’ll agree that would much be better served in other ways.”

He trailed his hand over her jaw. Julian looked into her eyes and smiled wider.

“Know this—I adore you, my darling, darling girl.”

Before she could utter a reply, Julian closed his hand and gripped her chin. He ignored her hiss of pain with a cruel smirk.

“I adore you to death.”

Devil’s Descent:

purgatory

volume 1

A Miserable Love Series

By Claudia D. Christian

DelSin Publishing, LLC 2009

Copyright © 2009 by Claudia D. Christian

All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission from DelSin Publishing, LLC. DelSin Publishing, LLC and the author assume no liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual or fictional events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Book Published by:

DelSin Publishing, LLC
www.delsin-books.com

Cover Credit: Francesco Cura/Haap Media Ltd.

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to all the awesome readers who will fall into an unhealthy love with this series. It’s nice knowing I won’t be lonely in my obsession. Thank you.

WARNING

Julian Douglas. A despotic, unstable sociopath who also happens to be a vampire.

Lily Walker. A foul-mouthed, broken girl who begs to be mended.

Julian lives to be something more than Lily’s addictive poison.

Lily dies to be something more than Julian’s little poppet.

They continue to revel in their shared misery.

They continue to destroy the one who makes agony so sweet.

They continue to fail.

Why?

Because the pain is just too beautiful.

Their story isn’t crafted for comfort. In fact, it’s quite ugly and unsympathetic.

This will not change.

You will most likely be repulsed.

Perhaps even betrayed.

However, your contempt will never be greater than what they feel for themselves.

They do not court your approval.

They do not expect forgiveness.

They do not plead for acceptance.

All they ask is for the possibility to be something more than what you understand.

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory

I should’ve died two years ago. I didn’t. Instead, I was rejected.

Abandoned.

The town I grew up in, the people I thought I knew, my roots, my legacy—it’s now a memorial to shame.

Yet, none of that really matters as much as what you did to me. You cheated, lied…made a fool out of my love.

And I’m still obsessed with you.

I’m still alive because I’m diseased with love for you, Julian. Damn you to hell.

Do you still remember my face? Do you still crave my blood?

I’m crazy to even care. That time is over. I’m better for it. I can have a life now that I’m not a Resurrector.

One day I might believe that lie.

If I ever see you again, the only thing I’ll know is that God truly hates me.

--- Lily Walker

1

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

2

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory I shamed you. I dishonored you. I
destroyed you.

I used your love for me as a way to
control you.

So how dare you run from me, Lily?

I’ve searched for your smile for so long
and it still eludes me. You loved me
first. You loved me last. So why can’t I
find you? You’ve slipped away from me,
hiding in the shadows of my dementia.

When will this misery end for me? You
sicken me. You are the curse of my
existence. I hate you. I truly, truly do.

---Julian Douglas

3

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

4

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory PROLOGUE

Not Meant For Me

A small-town boy grows up knowing something’s not right. He can see it in the faces of those around him and he hears it on the wind over the lake. Among the things he knows is to attend church faithfully, mind his elders, and don’t go into the woods at night. He also knows one other thing.

Those born in Vickery Hill, Georgia never leave—not without someone to take his place.

So this small-town boy grows up and borrows just enough time to become a big-city college boy. He finds a pretty girl with a smile as wide as she is tall. They marry. He brings her to Vickery Hill to give birth to their daughter.

“Lily Marie Walker, you are just what this town needs.”

For a while he forgets what’s wrong and lives for what’s right.

Together with his adoring wife, he raises his little girl to be an exquisite young lady. He teaches the same adoring wife to tend the very land that will imprison her until the day she dies. They are happy for a time.

Until he rediscovers the truth rotting his loyalty and morals.

He hates Vickery Hill and always has. He hates it more than he loves them. So he leaves. He leaves knowing he’s left his heir as payment, knowing it was his intention all along.

His daughter also hears the wind on the lake. She doesn’t fear the woods. She sees things everyone else ignores. Monsters whisper her name and she smiles. When she turns twelve she thinks she finally understands why.

Resurrector. Animator for the dead.

In one unscripted moment, she becomes something not quite human, not quite immortal. She becomes a Resurrector—a vessel for the spirit of an ancient sentinel.

“You mean there’s a…thing, ghost, spirit, whatever…inside me?

Am I possessed? No? Good…I think.”

The Resurrector performs to the best of her ability. She protects the town by attempting to purge the woods of much wickedness and keeping the lake clean of deceit. In turn, Vickery Hill shields its Resurrector, too proud to see the same shame growing inside her as it did her father.

Yet, no matter how much she fights, she knows it’s not enough.

She wants to leave too.

So Vickery Hill tempts her to stay by giving her what her little heart craves. It calls a guardian with fangs to become hers.

“Ian. My name is just Ian.”

“So, Mr. Just-Ian. How’d you wind up here in Vickery Hill?”

“Nephilim sent me here to help train you.”

5

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

“What about Jonathon?”

“He’s still your Handler.”

“Why does Nephilim care whether I need help or not? Don’t they have plenty of other Resurrectors to harass?”

“They’re not trying to harass you, Lily. Just help.”

“Nephilim thinks I need more help?”

“It’s standard policy, but especially in cases like yours.”

“Cases like me? Hmm.”

“You’re not surprised?”

“No, I am.”

“You’re not going to give me attitude?”

“No. Should I?”

“Strange.”

“Strange, huh? You’re not going to last long in Vickery Hill with that kind of attitude, Mr. Just-Ian.”

The Resurrector and the gentle vampire create beautiful music.

They forge notes on blood and loyalty. Adventure keeps them close.

Eventually the years pass and temptation bids them to fall into passion.

“Are you sure, Lily?”

“Yes.”

“We don’t have to if you’re not ready—”

“Ian, I want you.”

“I want you too.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I’M not ready. But soon, Lily. Soon.”

This one night transforms them both and Vickery Hill regrets pacifying its daughter with broken treasure. It knows something she doesn’t.

The guardian craves humanity to fix something that can never be changed.

His immortality becomes a silent burden and his false smile pulls tightly. Without the Resurrector’s knowledge, he seeks a cure for omnipotence.

“I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to outlive her. I want to grow old with Lily. I have to find a way.”

It goes badly. Hate rises from the ashes of sacrificial love.

“Ian? No. My name is not Ian. It’s Julian Douglas. Remember it well, bitch.”

All borrowed humanity and compassion is gone. Absolute power corrupts him absolutely. The Resurrector breaks. The Spirit within mourns, and Vickery Hill knows the end is only a few months away. Yet, it still seeks to keep the Resurrector and so something else rises along with hate.

Obsession.

6

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory The Ascendant Vampire trembles from the strength of his memories. They drive him mad. The Resurrector consumes his every thought. Even in spiritual death he cannot live without her. Within weeks of being spawned, he turns to her. Bitter love shatters all illusions of innocence and the wind screams their dementia.

As before, it’s still not enough. Vickery Hill cannot keep what was never meant to be its daughter. The Resurrector, eventually broken from betrayal, leaves all.

But she cannot leave obsession—hers or his.

So there is only one way this can end…

7

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

CHAPTER ONE

Demon’s Discovery

Summer 2000

Toronto, Canada

Julian stood in the shadows, melting in the background.

Silent, alert, and watching.

Always watching HER.

The pulsating throb of the music beat into his ears and filled his body, almost mimicking the function of a heartbeat. However, it was a dull mockery of what his heart really felt as he looked out over the crowd and saw HER.

Found you.

Her scent and taste was irrevocably burned into his senses.

There was not one piece of her that HE, Julian, had not touched, had not tasted, had not taken unforgettable ecstasy in. Even now, he suffered a twisted joy in recalling the moments that led him here.

Oh, Lily. My sweet, little whore.

Lily Walker, former resident of Vickery Hill, Georgia and former Resurrector of same town, had led Julian Douglas on a merry, merry chase across four continents for two years.

Thought to shirk me off along with your duties, hmm, darling?

For shame! But don’t worry, dear. I’ll give you just what you need…like always.

Julian’s full mouth curled in an angelic smile. Memories, both courted and despised, crowded his fractured mind.

Every story has at least two beginnings. One for you and one for me. But in our case, we have three.

Once upon a time, a young girl named Lily met her destiny by the moonlit lake. First, she tried to kill him. Later, he befriended her. For years they had been inseparable—but this wasn’t Julian’s story.

This was Ian’s.

Same body or not, I’m nothing like Ian. He was a different fucking person. Manufactured. Created to believe that Julian Douglas never existed.

Which, unfortunately for them both, was true.

Humble, gentle, and essentially gelded, Ian had worshipped the ground Lily’s dainty feet had walked on. His other side had been hidden, banished as if Julian were the personality borne from torment and not the other way around. There was nothing Ian wouldn’t do for Lily. Whether it was helping with homework, or teaching her how to drive, or even running out to the grocery store for donuts to satisfy her enormous sweet tooth.

There was also the small matter of committing genocide.

8

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Sick fucker.

Ian had helped Lily protect Vickery Hill from all foes, real and imagined. He justified his interference through the town itself. Nestled alongside Lake Lanier, Vickery Hill presented itself as a typical southern community—one stoplight, two schools, three gas stations, and enough churches to satisfy five counties.

Except no one ever came to worship outside of Vickery Hill.

The town kept her secrets and so did her children. While there was a small amount of tourism, outsiders were few and far between.

However, strangers were quite common and the residents of Vickery Hill knew to look the other way.

The area is a fucking beacon for all manners of demons and vampires. Something pulls them there. And I bet know what that something is…

In the past, a certain balance had been achieved between the undead and the living. The lower-level creatures kept to the woods and the others went down to Atlanta for entertainment. They paid their taxes, employed residents to tend their lakeside retreats, and all existed as they had for years.

That is until Lily became the Resurrector.

From there chaos consumed Vickery Hill. It was as if Lily’s presence inspired violence and madness. The Resurrector was never really meant to fight—only to be a vessel for her governing Spirit.

However, under Lily’s reign, four cemeteries had been filled to capacity within two years. Murders, suicides, and disappearances on both sides weakened the unspoken peace all too quickly.

Secrets were one thing. Those could be protected. However, failure was quite another.

Lily Walker had been failing. Badly.

So unbeknownst to her, Ian had performed a little population control. Despite physically and mentally disassociating from his clan a century before, Ian had instinctually used Julian Douglas’ legacy as an Ascendant to ban all vampires from stepping foot in Vickery Hill. Those who ignored his brazen warning were immediately destroyed.

Although he claimed it was all for Lily, I know better. He sensed that by killing them, he’d be killing off the darkness inside…me. And that’s not all he was trying to kill off…

Next to succubi, vampires were an extremely amorous lot. Lily was an extremely attractive girl. It was only natural she’d become forbidden fruit. They wanted a taste. So did Ian.

Ian wanted to fuck her in every way known to man or vampire but was too pussy to do it.

Ian didn’t want others to touch her but he wouldn’t do it either.

Ian had preferred the role of sexless companion. Prone to guilt for misdeeds—real and imagined—and still unknowingly broken from a year 9

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN
of torture one hundred fifty years prior, Ian had believed himself unworthy to taste such purity.

However, Lily had other plans.

She was a whore even as virgin. Good for her she stayed…untouched… until I came for her.

After Lily’s failed artless seduction, Ian had become convinced his vampirism was an obstacle for happiness. He had reasoned it was their differences which would ultimately be their ruin. So Ian kept her at arms length until he had found a way out. Unfortunately, the rituals to restore Ian’s mortality had gone delightfully wrong. Instead of eradicating Ian’s vampiric nature, they had systematically destroyed every nauseating bit of the manufactured persona.

Conscience? Weakness? Good riddance.

Julian immediately took control not only through his esteemed name, but also in how he dealt with the girl who’d kept him on a leash.

Their first true reunion had played out the way he suspected it would.

Denial, tears, rage, and then lovely defeat. He could’ve left Vickery Hill afterwards, confident in knowing Lily Walker’s little heart had been broken.

But then where was his enchanting vengeance?

Instead, Julian had taken immense pleasure in tormenting Lily.

He discreetly stalked her, openly mocked her, secretly fought her, and even made time to cozen all the clans he had offended. Rogue vampires invaded Vickery Hill and Lily was left to blame.

Lily was unstable, violent, paranoid—and only one hair away from being assassinated. Which did eventually happen via a Reaper named Acrymydion.

His face darkened with phantom pain. She had lied to him and nearly found herself at the bottom of the lake for it. Julian shook his head, in essence trying to fling away the emotions his thoughts had provoked. He clung to the self-righteous safety of his previous musings.

Her downfall had been too easy to orchestrate. I should’ve been bored by the simplicity…

The morbid correlation between a spiraling death rate and Julian’s presence had inspired Lily to keep close—despite direct orders from Nephilim to the contrary. She had watched him almost as much as he watched her. Night after night, she’d prowled in search for him and bitterly regretted it. Lily had been forced to watch him court others. She had seen his charm be spent on tall, blond beauties—something she could never be. She had been left wondering if the feminine screams ringing from his home would ever be hers.

I didn’t want them to be. I didn’t WANT to want her.

Lily had been losing her mind. The citizens of Vickery Hill saw it. Her family knew it. Her Handler suffered it.

And so did he.

10

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory On the surface, he had experienced life like any other urbane, sophisticated vampire, but beneath his polished exterior, Julian Douglas was dying for his prey.

While a kill was always pleasurable, it was the battle with the Resurrector that had made his passions sing. The rough physical contact between them only whetted his appetite for Lily. He was able to throw, slap, punch, and kick her and not only had she taken it, she always came back for more.

The memories of his wounds on her body, and hers on his, made Julian tremble with exquisite agony. Never more did he wish they both had the ability to scar. A hand absently brushed across his chest in memory of Lily’s last contact.

She almost killed me. I came close to doing the same to her only once. What would I have done if I hadn’t hesitated? What would be left of me without my darling girl?

Yes, Lily was his darling girl.

Now.

However, Julian’s original intentions for Lily weren’t always quite so affectionate. There was a powerful reason he hadn’t killed a single mortal since losing his ridiculous conscience.

Lily Walker’s death had been the only one he wanted.

Julian had wanted her dead and he wanted her to suffer. And being the unbalanced, perverse creature he was Julian made sure she underwent MUCH suffering.

I began to hate the game more than Lily. Not because of guilt, but because my every thought belonged to her. The more I hated, the more she consumed me.

Julian’s torments varied and were by no means confined to the physical pains of their nightly matches. Bruises and fractured limbs hadn’t been enough. Lily could take the pain of the body—it was her heart that was vulnerable.

Especially to him.

Lily had loved Ian with every fiber of her adolescent being, yet she couldn't dismiss her real connection with him. How Julian had reveled in it! Her misery was his ambrosia. Every wince, every tear, every sob—all for him.

The thought of her tears still makes me hard.

Lily had wanted him to be so much like Ian, the ghost she had loved and lost. Yet she despised herself for being drawn to him, Julian, the one she was supposed to hate.

Hate. What a fickle and undeniably perverse emotion. Definitely my favorite. Second to lust that is.

In turn, Julian’s intent had changed quickly. He’d found himself obsessed with more than her death. He had needed to taint Lily, desecrate her love until it became ugly. Twisted.

11

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

I still do. I can’t help myself. I WON’T help myself.

Therefore, Julian had begun wooing Lily secretly. His fists touched her with the promise of different kind of death. He plied her with gifts, time, and blood. Lily had resisted, innocently drawing out the game until Julian was in danger of losing what little sanity he had left. Then it had happened.

She’d finally submitted.

Even now he wasn’t sure why. Granted, he was threatening to kill what few family she had, but he still didn’t believe his threats were enough. The reason didn’t matter to Julian. He had won. He had fucked Lily. He had fucked Lily and she’d loved it.

So did he.

Their night had been incredible. So incredible Julian hadn’t wanted to acknowledge how powerful Lily’s hold over him had become.

I fought so hard just so she couldn’t see it. I had to destroy her pride so she’d never know that one night wasn’t enough.

Julian remembered how he’d painstakingly begun to break Lily’s will. He had started entering her home in no set pattern.

Sometimes he’d climb into her bedroom window and wait. Other times he’d use the front door and sit in the quaint living room with her too trusting mother, chatting about how Lily and he had successfully mended their differences.

Just thinking about her reaction to finding him there brought a twinkle to his blue eyes. Lily had tried to bluff that she felt no fear or anxiety over his presence in her home. She never fooled him. Lily’s fear manifested itself in many fashions that were simple for a creature such as himself to detect.

It was the way she fidgeted while sitting on the sofa. Or how she had covertly watched him, her life’s blood accelerating through her body, singing a tune of fear. And how Lily’s little throat would rasp out his name as he pressed her down onto his cock while her mother watched.

It didn’t matter that Rachel couldn’t REALLY see what was happening. Lily wanted to die of humiliation. But she still managed to come…

Lily had been wise to be wary of him.

Occasionally, every monstrous impulse of Julian’s demanded he drain the blood out of her. After all, she was a human and he a vampire.

What else could they really be? Friends, allies, lovers?

Something inside him rebelled.

Lovers. We were always lovers.

Just as it was now, Julian’s obsessive lust had dominated his instincts, keeping Lily safe for more of his dangerous affection. She belonged to him and he couldn’t walk away.

I still can’t walk away.

12

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Julian knew his sin. Two years before he’d carefully laid the groundwork for Lily’s seduction. It had worked, but then he got greedy.

He had wanted everything she had to offer. Her submission, her blind desire, but most importantly—her love. And not the kind of love she carried for Ian.

He craved a different species of love, one completely lacking morality.

Julian’s lids swept down, hiding his regret.

Her sweetness couldn’t touch me because I’m so fucked in the head. I only understand this kind of passion…and I’m never satisfied when I get it. If I had a heart I'd leave her to her new life. But I can’t because I’m a selfish bastard.

In time, Julian’s plans became realized. Lily Walker became his slave. The inner torment she underwent had been pure sweetness for Julian. Even now he could never get enough of her delectable emotions.

Just remembering every lustful, passionate moment between them made Julian so hard it bordered on pain.

Pain.

A wicked grin twisted his sensuous lips, banishing all softer sentiments. He had taught Lily numerous things, including to crave the pain almost, if not more, than the pleasure. She lived for his approval and was dying each day for his love.

Lily became perfect for me. It still wasn’t enough.

In three centuries of life, Julian had never encountered anyone who could fulfill his every dark, twisted desire. An unrecognizable cinder flamed inside him when she was near. Her smiles made him euphoric even as he did his best to banish them. Her laughter chased away his past, vanquishing the demons just long enough to let Julian remember what life could be without madness.

Did he cherish her? No. Instead, he punished her for letting him mold her into the ideal concubine. The more he broke her, the sicker he became. The sicker he became, the more power he attained, until his dominance went unchallenged by nearly all.

However, a small slip of a girl managed to destroy him in the end.

I lost everything—my power, my pride, my control. Yet, here I am lurking in the shadows, like a pathetic stalker. Nothing’s changed.

In Julian’s brilliant quest to enslave her, he hadn’t counted on the effect of Lily’s innocent submission. She made him HER slave. The more he needed her, the more he hated her. The more he hated her, the more he needed her. It was a morose cycle, even by his standards.

And that’s why everything started going to hell.

When Julian had invited vampires back into Vickery Hill, he had made the mistake of rekindling his violent past. Just the memory made his grit his teeth with impotent rage.

13

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

Vivian my former consort and that fop Phillip. I should’ve gutted him when I had the chance.

Obsession had a way of clouding even the best murderous intent. Initially, Vivian and Phillip had been invited to make Lily’s life brutally complicated. It worked for some time. Vivian’s ethereal beauty, outmatched only by Phillip’s exquisite doll-like features, had set Lily insecurities aflame. In turn, Phillip’s viciousness had kept her worn, tired, and oh so vulnerable to Julian’s machinations.

However, when a vampire involves his clan, things no longer remain private for lovers.

Julian had thought once he had Lily, his obsession for her would fade, eventually to disappear. Then he’d come in for the kill. Julian’s lust would be satisfied and he wouldn’t be in betrayal of his kind… again.

It was perfect.

The problem came when he didn’t want to see Lily lying dead at his feet anymore. Caught between Phillip’s scheming and Lily’s vulnerability, Julian had found himself stretched between duty and desire. Lies became his creed while recklessness ruled his decisions.

Eventually, even that was taken from him.

It was either Lily or them. There was no choice.

Faced with losing his precious girl or his rebuilt kingdom, Julian had made a decision—one he could never erase or deny.

He became Ian. He’d committed the unpardonable crime of destroying his own kind to save Lily.

Now I’m hunted like a rabid dog. There’s nowhere I can go, nowhere I can hide where I don’t have to fight for my life.

Did Lily ever recognize the worth of his sacrifice? No. His faithless bitch ran that same night. She left Vickery Hill and didn’t look back.

And here we are now.

He moved through the crowd, dismissing the creatures around him as insignificant piles of meat. Julian’s fevered gaze never left sight of Lily. Half-hidden behind a pillar, he watched his treasure dance with false abandon. Julian knew, with one glance, his innocent girl was gone.

Now she looked like any other broken doll. Even so, Lily still had the power to enchant and disturb him in equal measures.

Counterfeit happiness made her ebony gaze glitter with apathy.

Lily’s lids were half-closed, her red mouth a soft mimicry of joy.

However, the hollows etched beneath tired eyes made an already delicate face impossibly haunting. She raised her arms. The pallor rivaled his—
completely different from the tan skin of before.

Lily leaned her head back. Dark hair skimmed a thinner waist.

Julian studied her body, seeing how fragile she was compared to his last memories. He didn’t like it.

She’s lost too much weight. She looks sick.

14

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Julian’s worry turned to something far more comfortable.

Too damned sick to be out here shaking her ass in this dump. If I had known where she was going, I would’ve taken her and force fed her before I beat her within an inch of her life.

Julian had followed Lily to this club from a nondescript apartment building an hour earlier. Although he’d tracked a questionable lead placing her in the area, he hadn’t really expected to find Lily in this city. It was sheer chance he even saw her leave.

If I’d been five minutes too late…

At first, he couldn’t believe he’d finally found Lily. However, Julian didn’t doubt the way his body reacted. He’d been incomplete all this time without her. He felt whole upon seeing Lily. Julian’s primal urges recognized her as his. Several times he was tempted to seize her off the streets, but each time he forced his impulses down. There was too high of a chance she could elude him.

He had always preached to Lily about the virtues of patience.

Now he was required to put them in practice. He’d wait until she went home. Just like before.

His wintry gaze narrowed. The young punk dancing with Lily grabbed her hips and pulled her close. Pure menace radiated from Julian, causing several women who were approaching him to scatter away. From the way Lily’s body suddenly tensed, it seemed she also sensed danger.

Good.

An evil look of satisfaction transformed his face to one of unholy beauty. Lily had every reason in the world to feel fear. He hoped she lived and breathed in fear.

Of him.

Of the night when her time of existing without him ended.

Julian’s eyes followed Lily’s hasty exit out of the club.

Satisfaction filled his cold heart with its special warmth. Strolling through the crowd, Julian felt a twinge. He firmly ignored it. He had a different thirst to slake with Lily. After all, it had taken him two years to find her. Why hold off the joyful reunion any longer than necessary?

Reaching outside, Julian saw Lily in a cab a mile up the road.

Enjoy this time while you can, darling, because it’s your last moments alone.

And just like that, he melted into the night.

And unbeknownst to Lily, back into her life.

Next Chapter

15

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

CHAPTER TWO

SilentDamnation

Once again, Lily felt wariness creep over her skin. Something screamed for her to leave, to run, to get the hell out of there or else she’d be sorry. Ridiculous. Sorry? What was sorry to Lily anymore? She lived with sorry every second of her existence. It was in the air she breathed, the food she ate, and the dreams she didn’t dream anymore.

So instead of listening to her instincts, Lily stubbornly continued to dance. She raised her arms and let her head lean back as she mindlessly followed the music. It filled Lily’s body, becoming one with every beat in her heart. All feelings of danger melted away as she succumbed to the empty ecstasy found only in a dance club.

Lily’s partner pulled her close to his body until they were molded hip to hip, thigh to thigh. She could feel his cock but didn’t care.

When the night ended Lily would be going home alone and he’d probably find someone else agreeable for an hour of meaningless sex.

Sex is definitely not what I’m looking for.

Lily had tried to lose herself in it once. The naked press of sweaty flesh had felt wrong. The warm breath panting in her ear had made Lily want to retch. After the apologies, yells, and obligatory promises, she had wallowed in guilt. Not for the young man who had been more than a friend, but less than a lover, but for the one who had never truly been both.

How can I ever allow someone else to touch me after being with Julian?

Lily’s thoughts immediately shied away from HIM. Desperately they returned to the present—the dance club, the flashing lights, and the frenetic crowd crushed against her. She could think about Julian later, when she was alone.

Hungry, wanting, and dying a little more each day without him.

All pleasure disintegrated. Lily had to get out of here. Pushing away from the nameless guy, she gave him a sorrowful smile, a small wave, and headed towards the exit. Just as Lily reached the large iron door, she felt a wave of uneasiness rush over her again. Whipping around to scan the crowd, Lily saw what she always saw.

Nothing.

What else did you expect?

She turned back to the door and flung it open. The crisp Montreal air instantly iced the sweat on her body. This normal reaction to temperature reminded Lily of whom she’d been and all that had been lost.

I’m nobody now. Not a Resurrector, not a lover. I can even say my true name and I don’t even want to. It all means nothing.

16

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Lily raised an arm to signal a waiting cab. Giving her address, she settled her thin frame back on the cracked leather seat. The familiar smell of cigarette smoke made Lily look at the empty space beside her.

Azure eyes sparkling somewhere between lust and madness, wicked lips lifted in their perpetual smirk, long, pale fingers tenderly caressing a shaft of nicotine—all dressed in black. He exhaled a long plume of smoke before winking at her impudently. The image, scripted from Lily’s conflicted memories, trembled before vanishing.

“Sorry about the pothole. Didn’t see that one in the dark.”

“No, it’s okay. Thanks though.” Thanks for reminding me he’s just a ghost now. Just like Ian. Neither of them were ever real.

Lily turned her shoulder, studiously avoiding the lonely seat beside her. Instead, she thought about her earlier reactions that night.

Panic still fluttered in the corners of Lily mind. She hadn’t suffered this kind of fear in over a year. Why now?

Maybe he’s found you.

Not likely.

A small, perverse part of her felt disappointment instead of comfort in that assumption. Julian was probably feasting from some other young body—literally and sexually. He wouldn’t be wasting his time with finding her.

But I tried to kill him, Vivian, and Phillip. I nearly wiped out his entire clan. I left him broken, screaming my name…maybe he wants to pay me back?

Lily mentally shook her head. Granted, revenge was a powerful reason to track her down, but what would be the point? Julian had already proved his dominance. All of Vickery Hill knew of her disgrace—her family, her Handler. Everyone. She could never go back.

She was already dead.

Bleakly, Lily stared out the window. The passing nighttime scenery of neon lights, clubbers, hookers, pimps, and johns reflected sadly in her gaze. Lily closed her eyes, unable to see what had become her concrete reality. Instead, she remembered the madness and desperation that possessed her that last night in Vickery Hill. Witnessing Julian’s true debauchery, his true contempt for the love she gave him, had broken her reason.

Lily felt ashamed. Even if the town had rejected her, how could she just leave without explanation to anyone? Lily could only guess at what Jonathon, Cricket, and Robbie thought when she never showed up the next morning. Despite her promises, Lily didn’t have the courage to face them again.

I shouldn’t have disappeared. I know it now and I knew it then.

Hell, I shouldn’t even been allowed to. The wards surrounding the town failed and I still don’t understand how or why.

17

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

A quick distant childhood memory of her mother flashed in her mind. Lily blinked back tears. Her selfishness knew no bounds and her shame no end when she thought of her mother. How could she have just left?

Lily hunched further down in the seat. She didn’t want to imagine what Rachel Walker must’ve gone through when her daughter never came home. Gone through? No. What she was still going through.

She probably thinks I’m dead. Or worse.

Lily stood countless times in front of a payphone—receiver clutched tightly in hand, just wanting to dial the number—only to hang it up. She was too afraid of what her mother would say.

She knows I lied to her for months. She trusted me and I made a fool out of her. She didn’t deserve her daughter to be nothing but trash.

Better she go missing than drag the people she loved through her mess. Lily couldn’t put them through her self-inflicted hell again. She was going to be stronger than that.

Even if it meant never seeing them again.

How strong was it to walk away from your family, Lily? How strong was it to run away without even leaving a note? Face it—you ran because of HIM. From him. And that’s not all you were running from…what you’re still running from. Pathetic coward. You deserve to be alone.

Lily acknowledged only part of her thoughts. She did run from Julian. She ran from her enslavement. She ran from their twisted relationship. She ran from her perverted love.

You knew from the beginning Julian was nothing but a vampire prick that only used and abused you for his own sadistic pleasures! If you could go back, you’d do it all over again. The lies, the manipulations—
all of it. That’s what makes you sick.

And there’s no cure for your kind of disease.

Lily angrily wiped her eyes and nose. There was no point in crying. She’d made her decision two years ago. Now all she had to do was take each night for what it was—another day of permanent exile.

The cab came to a stop in front of the building Lily called home.

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a couple of wrinkled bills and handed them over to the driver. Lily sprang out of the cab, minus her change, and trudged away. She came to a jarring halt.

What is that?

The wilted plant by the doors beckoned. It hadn’t been there when she left. Lily stood awkwardly, staring down at the life begging for her touch. The winter was far too cold to expect it to survive. Lily slowly reached out. A faint stirring warmed her fingers. She shouldn’t be doing this. She’d lost the right to use the privilege her blood carried when she ran away.

Instinct persevered.

18

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory It can’t hurt to see if I can still do it.

The sad botanical posture transformed to healthy vitality within seconds. Her fingers whipped away, instantly dissipating the green glow surrounding the plant. I guess I still can. Lily carried it inside and deposited it by Management's office door. She shook off the irrational feelings of abandonment. It's not even my plant. I saved its life. I did a good thing. Lily took one deliberate step after another. She stopped five steps away and let out a small sigh. She walked back to the little pot and scooped it up, thankful no one could see her display of sentimental bullshit.

Come on, roomie.

An empty foyer gave way to an empty elevator, which in turn became an emptier studio apartment. Lily shut the door with her foot and tiredly massaged the side of her neck.

Julian would've teased me to the point of punching his mouth over that plant. Why the hell do I keep thinking about that bastard?

Wetness dripped onto Lily’s hand. She touched her face.

Tears.

Why can’t I let him go? Somebody…please make it stop.

Lily knew she couldn’t continue like this. She already spent countless hours of the day yearning for Julian, alternately loving and loathing him. She couldn’t sleep, she barely ate, and she saw Julian in every shadow. Every step behind her promised heaven, but when Lily turned around and saw nothing, she only had hell.

I’m always waiting for him. Waiting for him to make it right.

Waiting for the impossible…waiting just so I can run again.

Lily let out a watery sigh. She really didn’t need some introspective montage about her masochistic tendencies, but a shower.

Long and extremely hot. Afterwards, she’d sleep or at least try to until she fell unconscious from sheer exhaustion.

She set the plant onto the small kitchen bar. Haphazardly shedding her clothes all the way to the bathroom, Lily felt a frisson of fear course through her once again. She paused in mid-walk. Tense and alert, she waited for feeling to return. Five minutes into her vigil, Lily began to laugh.

There was nothing out there for her.

“You’re definitely losing it, Lily. Isolation and lack of sleep has that effect. So does talking to oneself all the time…attempt to be somewhat normal.”

With that wry pep talk, she went into the tiny bathroom and started her shower. Lily stood under the nozzle for several minutes when the familiar pounding began. She stood there for another minute hoping the noise would go away.

Unfortunately, Lily wasn’t that lucky.

19

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

She turned the knobs off in resignation. Every weekend without fail Clarisse, who lived down the hall, brought home some young stud. In the process of getting off, Clarisse would deadbolt her roommate Kerrie out so she could screw in peace.

Yeah, but what about my peace?

Wrapping a towel around her body and one around her hair, Lily went to the door, unlocked it, and cracked it open. She immediately turned back to finish her shower.

“Come on in, Kerrie! Sorry to keep you waiting so long but I was in the shower.”

She was almost to the bathroom when the potent smell of smoke and obsession slid in like a serpent.

Lily froze as every instinct screamed a dire warning. Numbness spread through her body, rooting her to the floor. Afraid to be right, terrified to be wrong, Lily turned around slowly.

HE was here. Standing inside her home, looking so darkly beautiful, he was HERE.

Julian saw her shock and smelled her fear. He smiled and sauntered over to his found pet. Stopping when only mere inches separated them, he whispered, “Hello, darling. Thanks for the invite. It truly saved us both a lot of time. Time, I’m sure you’ll agree that would much be better served in other ways.”

He trailed his hand over her jaw. Julian looked into her eyes and smiled wider.

“Know this—I adore you, my darling, darling girl.”

Before she could utter a reply, Julian closed his hand and gripped her chin. He ignored her hiss of pain with a cruel smirk.

“I adore you to death.”

20

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory CHAPTER THREE

Repossession of a Soul

“Julian...”

“That’s right, darling. It’s me, Julian. Your Julian.”

“You can’t be here. Why—”

Julian brushed his lips over hers, stopping Lily’s disjointed flow of words. Ever so slowly, his tongue coaxed hers to accept him—despite the harsh fingers digging to her soft skin. Lily leaned into Julian, mewling in a heady mixture of fear and excitement.

“You were out there,” she sighed between kisses. “In the club.”

Julian released her chin. His kisses grew feverish, constant with the passion of longing.

“Weren’t you?”

He removed the towel covering her hair. “Yes.” He slid his hands through the wet, dark strands. “I saw you, but you didn’t see me.”

“No, but I felt you.” Lily’s pale mouth opened into a perfect circle when Julian nipped her neck. “Is this an accident?”

“No.”

“Did you stop looking—”

“Never.” His blue gaze glittered with enigmatic pain as he repeated the word again. “Never.”

Lily’s little hand crept out and touched his smooth cheek. This time it was Julian who moaned piteously.

“I never stopped looking either. I never stopped looking back, hoping to see you there.”

His gentle ministrations suddenly turned harsh. Fisting his hands, Julian pulled Lily’s head away. He ignored her swift cry of pain.

“Don’t ever use this mouth to lie to me, darling. You showed your unique contempt for me all too clearly. Don’t insult me further.”

“As did you.” She watched as he brought his exquisite face closer. It tightened with supreme displeasure. She refused to cower. “I loved you and it meant nothing. Don’t judge me for getting tired of my pain.”

“Nothing? It meant everything!” Julian shouted. Instantly, his lips formed a taut line as he swallowed down the rage clamoring for release. “It meant everything then and everything now. As far as your pain goes…”

He tightened his fingers. Julian’s assessing stare caught the imperceptible wince marking her gaze.

“Forgive me, my darling. It slipped my mind that you no longer have the remarkable stamina of a Resurrector.” Julian tilted her head back. His lips and teeth worshipped the slim column, paying special attention to the area between neck and shoulder. “Now you’re just a poor, defenseless human.”

21

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

“I warned you already, Julian,” Lily whispered. “Don’t underestimate me.”

“Advice I kindly give you in turn.”

“You’re never kind.” The white ceiling held false attraction.

“Just as I’m never more than a toy to you.”

“And you belong to me, darling doll.” He laved her skin with his cool tongue. “Don’t you remember the words I told you?”

“I do.” Lily’s eyes grew heavy with memory. Her voice rasped with anger and regret. “You’d break me before you let me go.”

“Those would be the ones.”

“Too late. You already did.”

Julian bit her hard. His words dripped with consolation. “No, I didn’t. You’d be dead if I did.”

Lily’s deepest fear stirred. “Is that why you’re here?”

Julian stopped his tender ministrations. He looked into her shadowed eyes and smiled. “Did I ever tell you that you talk too much?”

“Yes.”

“I missed it. Please continue.”

And he never answered me.

Julian’s words inspired a complicated web around Lily—one she had fallen into time and time again. Complacent terror vied with more carnal emotions. Lily’s breasts felt full and heavy, her stomach tight with tension, her limbs weak, and she throbbed everywhere.

Most especially between her legs.

Lily could feel herself growing wet, aching to have Julian inside her. How could she want him though? Even knowing all they had become, how could she still want him so desperately?

Because you enjoy the game he plays. Pain first, ecstasy later.

Nothing’s changed. It’s as if you never left. You want to play it again.

Lily felt a plea rise up out of her before she quickly clamped it down.

I can’t. It doesn’t matter how much we want to go back—we can never change what’s been done. I can’t change who I am now.

This wasn’t right. Being with him wasn’t right. It never had been. The old cloak of submission was sliding over her as if the two year separation had been only two minutes. And what’s more, Lily was the one rushing to put it on.

“It’ll never be the same. You can’t make it that way and I can’t keep trying.”

“What?” Obviously enchanted with the rush of tasting her shoulder again, the vampire didn’t foresee what would happen next.

Lily pushed Julian away. Surprise blessed her when Julian stumbled and fell. Not giving him a chance to recover, Lily savagely kicked him in his midsection. She then picked up her towel and ran.

22

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory I gotta make it to the door! He’ll never expose himself if there are others to see him.

Lily only made it a few steps before Julian tackled her to the ground. He flipped her over only to feel her nails rake his cheek. His eyes flashed gold before settling back to azure.

“All right, you wanna play rough tonight? I’m game.”

“Let me go!” She bucked against him. Desperation ruled Lily’s reason, knowing she no longer had the strength to make Julian bend to her will. “Get off me!”

“No.” He picked her up, ignoring a tangle of kicks and hits, and headed towards the bed. “I like the posts, Lily. A little flea market, but it’s still good. I’ll have to make sure we put them to marvelous use.” He tossed her down and turned away with preternatural speed. Julian came back with a discarded towel before Lily had a chance to scramble to freedom. Without a word, he shredded the towel into strips and methodically tied Lily down.

“You can’t do this!”

“You’re wrong. I can do whatever I want. I can remake our world and I can remake you. Not because I want to, but because you won’t let me be anything other than a dirty demon.”

The words tore through her panic. Fatalism took Lily by the hand and led her to her doom.

You’ve created this monster—just as he created you. Now it’s time to join him in the dark. Maybe if you do, it’ll be over. No more fear.

No more nightmares. No more ghosts.

“You’re right.”

Her calmness set his nerves on edge. “You’re agreeing with me?”

“Yes.”

He shook his head once. “Since when?”

“Since I let you in two years ago.”

Julian considered her words before smiling rakishly. “Behold my lady—submissive as viper. Where’s your lie?”

“No lie.” Lily’s tone dripped with baby softness. “I killed your clan. I nearly killed you. I set your house on fire. I left you. I humiliated you almost as badly as you humiliated me. Don’t draw this out.”

Understanding skimmed his expression. He kissed her lips once.

“You’re absolutely right, my love. Business first always, eh?”

“It’s how you taught me.”

“So I did.”

“It’s also how I’ll make you pay.”

“So you’ll try.” Julian’s smile died. “Shall we play our respective parts?”

“Please.”

23

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

Regret dipped his shoulders once before familiar dysfunction took its place. He instantly struck. Wrapping his hand around her neck, Julian snarled, “You bitch! I should kill you! How dare you think that you can just up and leave? You think everything between us would be over? That is what you thought, isn’t it? ISN’T IT?”

Taking her cue, Lily spit in his face. “I needed it to be over! I couldn’t take being your toy! I couldn’t take being whatever it was that you wanted! I couldn’t take not having the strength to stand up to you! I hated losing my dignity to you! I hated seeing and knowing that I wasn’t the only one...” Lily abruptly stopped. She glared at him behind a sheen of angry tears.

“The only one?” Julian let go and stood by the bed, never letting her leave his sight. “So that’s, forgive my choice of words here, the heart of the matter isn’t it, Lily? Not the other bullshit you were spouting, but my lack of fidelity. Imagine that! Even knowing about the nature of the vampire, you still expected faithfulness from one.”

Hearing his mocking scorn, Lily shook from the murderous passion running through her. “I expected you to be a better man.”

“No, you expected me to be Ian.”

“I expected you to be faithful!”

“Why ever would you think such a thing? We weren’t married and were barely dating. As far as anyone knew, you were the deranged Resurrector stalking me. Besides, I never promised you fidelity, Lily.”

As soon as the words left his lips, Julian knew he had just broken one of his creeds.

He just lied.

“You swore you saw only me.” Her raspy voice quaked. “You swore it, Julian.”

“I did.”

“LIAR!”

“It’s a dead issue, Lily! Besides, you know we were set up by that pious, bureaucratic, useless, outdated governmental party—”

“Set up? If you had any honor there would’ve been nothing to set you up with! But Nephilum knew you very well, didn’t they? Put the bait out and good old Lord Douglas will come out with tail wagging. All it took for you was a room full of naked girls and you were right there.

Like always.”

“Don’t blame me for Vickery Hill.”

“Who else is there?” Lily exploded. “I’m an exile because of you! I’m not a Resurrector anymore because of YOU!”

“Wrong! You’re not a Resurrector anymore because you were never meant to be one!” Julian saw how quickly his words ripped open Lily’s private wound. Something akin to pity pricked him. He gentled his tone. “Come on, darling. You never wanted the job. You couldn’t stand 24

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory living there. You know, as well as I, that you’d be lying at the bottom of that lake by now if you were still the Resurrector.”

Lily shook her head. “Not true. You don’t know that.”

“It is true! How many times would it have taken, Lily? How many times did you have to die to understand that guilt is USELESS?”

She swallowed once but the emotions still made her voice warble. “You have no idea what I’m walking around with, Julian. You can’t even begin to understand.”

“I don’t want to. I don’t care.” His viciousness made Lily gasp.

“I never cared about your life outside of me, darling. It was always my intent to take you out of there. One way is as good as another.”

“Even if I got branded a whore?”

“Even better.” He flashed a lupine grin. “I’ve always been partial to whores.”

“I know. Too bad for you I wasn’t willing to be with one.”

Julian dipped his head. His hair fell in a messy sprawl. “I’m not a whore, darling—just a man.”

“One in the same. Do you really think it doesn’t matter? I told you before. I’d do anything, BE anything for you, but there’s one thing I’d never do.”

“Why hold me to a standard that doesn’t exist?”

“It does.”

“How would you know?” he asked slyly, hatefully. “You never saw it at home. Daddy sure as hell never could live up to you and Mommy’s expectations, could he?”

“You’re not my fucking father.” Her voice became remote, belonging to that of a disinterested stranger. “I saw my mother die each time he came home smelling like his latest whore. It wouldn’t have hurt nearly as much if he had beaten her instead of screwing around on her. I swore I’d never be like my momma. Now look at me.”

Julian lost some of his obnoxious swagger. “They never mattered, Lily. It wasn’t even about them.”

“Them? Why don’t we call THEM what they are? Vivian, Cynthia, and all the ones whose name you don’t even know. They were your lovers.”

“Wrong! You were my only lover.”

“You fucked them, Julian. You put your fucking cock inside them. That makes them your lovers and that makes me an idiot for not killing you when I had the chance!”

“Women and their debatable notions of fidelity.” Julian plopped down on a nearby chair. He dropped his head in his hands. “Lily, I cannot ask you to understand something I don’t understand myself. Suffice it to say that I truly regret those events.”

“Events?”

He conceded to the venom in her voice. “Affairs.”

25

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

“Betrayals.”

“Only to your vanity,” he swore with one hand across his heart.

“You always had my loyalty.”

“I didn’t have your loyalty. I had some kind of obsession but never your loyalty.”

Julian peered at her through his disheveled hair. “Which is by far a singular compliment to your person.”

“Quit speaking to me like an old man!” she snapped, finally showing some liveliness. “You’re not a British lord anymore and you haven’t been for almost two hundred years.”

Julian’s cultured accent faded into its adopted American cadence. “I missed you.”

Lily looked away.

Encouraged by her silence, he confessed, “I adore you, darling. I know I hurt you. I can see it now when I couldn’t see it then. I want you back, Lily. I want you happy.”

She caught him with her stare. Greed gleamed like honeyed poison, tempting Julian lean forward, just to see if it was possible to glimpse the girl he once knew. “Will you give me anything I want, Julian?”

“Anything.”

“Money?”

Julian tilted his head. He assessed the sincerity of her question.

“If that’s what makes you happy now, then yes.” A measure of disbelief narrowed his gaze. “How much?”

“I’m not talking terms. Tell me what else you’d give me.”

“Name your price.”

“No! Tell me what YOU would give ME.”

Silence crept forth, lengthening its stay and distancing the two even further.

“You don’t even know, do you? Happiness. You still can’t recognize it. All you can do is destroy it.” She laughed once. “I’m stupid, Julian, but I’m not that stupid. You don’t mean a fucking word you just said.”

“That’s not true!”

“Two years ago you begged me to forgive you for Vivian only to keep me from killing you. So what are you after now? I can’t stab or shoot you like I used to, so what is it?”

Julian’s eyes hardened. “Bitch.” He tossed back his hair, smoothing it over his neck with a negligent hand. “Fine. I always did wonder if you were smarter than you appear.”

“Out with it.”

Julian crossed his arms over his chest and pretended to ponder her order. Arching his brows, he smirked at the naked vulnerability he saw behind Lily’s anger. “What did you want to know, my sweet?”

26

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Lily let out a low hiss of air. “Why are you here?”

“To take you back.”

“Back to where?”

“To wherever I fucking feel.” He bit his lip with avarice. “As I’ve told you before, I’m an extremely greedy creature. I never let go of my possessions.”

“Including women.”

“Especially women.”

Lily swallowed a flow of venomous, hurt-filled words. She broke with the rules of their game and issued her challenge.

“Okay. You’re right. How can one woman ever be enough for you?”

Julian crossed his legs, patiently waiting for her to finish having her say.

“You don’t need me. You need closure.”

He arched a brow in supercilious humor. “Closure?”

“Yes. I’m sure you’ve heard of it before. You needed to know why I left and I needed to know that you’re still a dick and always will be. So do us both a favor and get the hell out of here. After all, I’d hate to deprive the world of its all-time favorite lover.” She jerked her chin towards the door. “Leave. Now.”

Julian’s smirk immediately disappeared. He stalked over to Lily.

His lips hung over hers. “Not likely, darling. First, I’m going to show you what I do to pretty little girls that leave before I’m finished with them.”

Knowing she’d never evade Julian, Lily didn’t bother to struggle against her bonds. However, she gritted her teeth and hissed,

“Show me and die. I do what I damn well want. You’re not just going to walk into my life again after two years and tell me what to do!”

“Need I remind you that you FUCKING LEFT ME?! I’m not walking back into anything that I walked out of! You are mine, Lily, now and until the end of time. Mine.”

Female fury made Lily buck against him. She slammed her head against his chin and howled with pain.

“NO! Never again! I will NEVER be that broken girl again! I turned myself inside and out for you, Julian! I might as well have cut out my heart and given it to you! And what did you do with it? You threw it away!”

“Yes!” Julian laid full length on top of Lily. He wrapped his arms about her slender waist and buried his lips in her hair. “Yes, I did! I took your heart and put it in a little cage. I looked at it, reveling in the sin that it belonged to me. But I didn’t care for it. I let it grow wings and fly away. So let me devour it this time. Let me consume it…and you. I swear it’ll be different.”

27

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

Lily sagged in his hold. The blinding rage burned into ashes, threatening to disintegrate her completely.

“All I can think about is you with all those girls…doing to them what you did to me…it’s like I was garbage. I trusted you. I believed in you, despite who and what you were. Jesus, Julian! You lied to me for three months. You made a fool out of me.”

His face reflected her haunting sadness. “Forgive me, Lily.”

“I can’t!”

The wretched finality in her voice woke the wounded beast in his. He wrenched away from her. “What about you, Lily? You swore you'd never leave me! You promised to love me forever!”

“I kept my promise!”

“Liar! You’re pushing me away! Now and then! You’ve never really wanted ME…you’ve only wanted Ian. Julian doesn’t matter to you. It doesn’t matter that Ian was a fucking liar who never showed you his true face. You've saved all your love for Ian and left none for me.”

Lily shook her head wildly. “That’s not true! It was you who could never let go of the past! Ian, Julian, you’re one in the same!”

“FUCK YOU!” Julian slammed his hands on either side of Lily's head. “I am NOT him! I don’t act like Ian, I don’t lie like Ian, and I’m not weak like Ian.” A low growl rumbled deep within his chest. “My name is Julian Douglas and you would do well to remember it.”

Lily’s pulse thumped in time with her panic. The monstrous fury in his eyes threatened to incinerate her. But she still had to ask the question. “Why can’t you accept who you are, Julian? Why did you have to separate yourself like this?”

His claws dug into the mattress, easily ripping through the synthetic material. “Why couldn’t you?”

Lily clearly heard all the other unspoken questions.

Why couldn’t you accept me? Why did you constantly look for Ian in my every word, every smile, and every deed? Why did you keep hoping Ian would come back even while you loved fucking me?

Defeat pressed in. “Just go, Julian. Go back to your mansion by the lake. Go back to your money. Go back to your world. Go back to Vickery Hill.”

Her tired directives infuriated Julian past endurance. He yanked her chin back to him and snarled, “You have no idea of what my life has become since you left! None! Don’t you dare tell me where to go!”

“Yeah? Well at least you can go back, Julian! I can’t! Ever! You don’t know what it’s like to lose your family, your dignity, to be turned out of the town you grew up in…the town you protected…to have the Spirit abandon you…”

Julian wanted to rub it in her face. He wanted to speak of all the nights he spent, pressed between death and despair. He wanted to watch her eyes well up with tears, knowing she was the cause of ultimate fall.

28

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Instead, he squeezed her and whispered, “Please forgive me. I’m not always in my right mind…I hate so much…and you pay the price…I’m sick and we both know why…but I can’t live without you. You’re my life, Lily. I need you.”

She sobbed in response.

Julian pulled back. He began to stroke her hair with feverish consideration. “You don’t need the Spirit. We have a bond, Lily. We’re connected.”

Lily cried in despair, “Not anymore. Just like I’m not a Resurrector anymore, it’s the same with us. We’re not bonded anymore.

It was severed that night when you wouldn’t—”

“I’m not talking about that! We’re still bonded, Lily. It’s beyond choice, beyond Fate…don’t deny what we are.” When he saw her eyes drift, Julian pleaded, “Punish me all you want. Just let us be like we were. I lead—you follow. By the time I’m finished tonight, you’ll never want to leave me. You’ll be begging for me to stay. And I’ll do it. I’ll do it because I want to come home.” He pressed his hand against her mound.

“Let me come home, Lily.”

His ragged words pierced her. Instead of renewing Lily’s jealous fury, they only fanned the flames of her lust. Lust that belonged to the cleft between her legs and the cavity inside her chest. Why couldn’t she forgive him?

Living without Julian was hell. Living with him worse. It wasn’t just Julian. It was the vulnerability to something greater than him.

He won’t protect me and I can’t protect myself. I can’t…

No matter what Lily’s logic suggested, her heart demanded a completely different subset of emotion.

“I will never forgive it.”

“I’m not asking you to right now. I’m just asking you to let me be yours. Can you do that? Just once?”

A sob caught in her throat. The agony threatened to send her into an abyss. It killed Lily to know of his betrayals. It killed her to still want him in spite of them. It killed her to wonder if they’d ever change.

And it killed her to know that terror could overpower lust.

But he’s all that I have left of home, my past, my heart. I can forget, just for a little bit. Afterwards, I’ll give him hell. Afterwards, I’ll deny I ever forgave him. Afterwards, I’ll curse myself for even wanting him to get this far. Afterwards, I’ll remember every bit of pain locked behind my lust. Afterwards, I’ll keep one step ahead…but for now I’ll forget everything but this.

Julian rubbed his palm in slow, sensuous circles. “Do you know how much it’s tortured me to not be here? Two years I’ve dreamed of nothing but this. And now that you’re finally beneath me…”

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A thousand past erotic memories assailed her weakening mind.

The ecstasy she had found time and time again in Julian’s arms was too powerful…too addictive.

Addictive enough to forget why they were so wrong for each other.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he cooed softly in her ear.

“You’re remembering what I can make you feel. Do you remember how you used to beg me to stay? Do you remember how you’d cry when I made you leave my bed?”

She shook her head. “I won’t beg, Julian. Never again.”

“Yes, you will. You’ll beg me like I’m begging you.” His hand left her. “There’s no shame between lovers, Lily.”

“There’s nothing but shame between us, Julian.”

“No!” he denied fervently. “We can forget these two years.

We’ll pretend it never happened.”

“It can never be the same. I’m only twenty-one and I know that.

How come you don’t?”

Julian ignored her. Instead, he continued as if she had never spoken. The pitiful man of before was replaced by a familiar devil.

“I bet you’re trying to guess if I’m going to fuck you or if I’m going to be gentle. I want to be gentle, but I know you like it best when I just fuck you.”

Lily jerked away. “Stop.”

“Make me.”

Julian placed a delicate kiss on her ear. He lightly caressed her collarbone before moving down to her breasts. His large hands cupped and kneaded her flesh with a connoisseur’s skill.

“So soft, just like feather…will you let me kiss it, darling?”

A moan unwillingly escaped Lily’s lips. Her nipples grew hard.

She was losing to her own wickedness.

“I left you, Julian.”

“I know.”

“I hate you.”

“I hate you too.”

The words, while casually spoken, still had the power to wound.

“Why is this always the way between us?”

“It’s the same reason why I’ve traveled thousands of miles to find you.”

“Which is?” Lily gasped. She didn’t bother to look down to know tiny pinpricks of her blood dotted his claws.

“Neither of us can stop ourselves.” Julian shifted until his stare met hers. “The bitch of it is that we never could.”

She watched his arctic gaze reflect what she could never leave behind.

Crazed passion and death.

30

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory

“It won’t change, will it?”

“No.” He placed one finger near her lips. A crimson drop lay on the tip. “But you want me so goddamned much you really don’t care.”

Lily arched her neck. Her mouth parted in wanton hunger.

“Do you?” he pressed further. “Do you care? Even knowing what I am, do you care?”

“Yes, I care. I care but never enough.” Lily’s mouth closed about the proffered digit. Her tongue laved the skin with perfect adoration.

Triumph made his eyes sparkle with sudden feral delight. “I’ve always known this truth. It was you who always denied it.”

Lily released his finger in favor of sliding her tongue down his wrist. “I’ve denied it, but so have you.” She watched his face melt with facile delight. “You want me just as much as I want you. Despite what I did.”

“And I will punish you for it, darling.” His sigh made it seem like the most wondrous delight. “Believe me.”

“For leaving or making you want me? Even knowing what I am?”

Julian laughed. His hand skirted her lips, stopping her volition only to begin his. “My little darling has become quite like her master. It’s as if we never parted company.” Euphoria possessed his entire body.

“Only now I don’t want to talk.”

“No?”

“No.” Shudders racked Lily’s body as his hand moved down her naked stomach. He teased her, once again running his fingers close to where she ached the most. “I just wonder how long we’ll draw this out before we lose control. Do you remember how crazy it’d be? At times, I wondered if we’d kill each other.”

Lily shifted, experimentally tugging on her bonds. “Maybe tonight we finally will.”

Julian laughed and dropped his head on her shoulder. His mirth danced between dementia and harmless amusement. “You think so? I could think of worse ways to go. Just promise me one thing.”

“What?” her lips moved reluctantly, already knowing the answer.

“This time—don’t miss my heart.”

An involuntary cry of pain spilled out. “Why would you…ah!”

Past hatred vied with present longing. Lily turned her head away from him. Tears trickle down her face.

His laughter died. “Something I say bother you, darling?” He cozened her, mouth tenderly kissing the bare skin beneath his lips. “Why the tears, Lily? You shoved your stake, one I gave you, deep inside my little chest. You did it and you loved it.”

“No.”

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“Yes. You loved it when you did it to me. You always loved it.

Remember that.”

It’s true.

She could deny it to Julian, but they both saw her darkness. Lily yearned for his tender cruelties, for his demon, because it gave her a chance to show her own.

“Darling?”

The abyss called her name and she jumped.

Lily turned back to him, waiting until Julian lifted his head. She then kissed him, nipping his lips before sliding her tongue deep inside his open mouth.

Her acceptance only incited wicked glee in Julian. He devoured her for several minutes and let his baser instincts rule him. The feel of Lily, the taste of her worked Julian until he was nearly incoherent. Lost, he murmured her name over and over again.

I can’t let this feeling end. She’s all I need. All I’ll ever want.

He cupped her face. “I’m going to fuck you, Lily. You know that right?”

Mouth bruised red, eyes burning bright, she gasped, “If you didn’t I’d have to kill you for being a tease.”

Julian rested his forehead against hers for a moment. “But I have to do it my way. You understand?”

Lily let out a soft sigh. Neither knew if it was borne from disappointment or anticipation. “I probably won’t make it too easy.”

“I know. You’ve had two years to run free. I won’t go too easy on you either. Just remember this—you love me.”

With those final words of warning, Julian slid off her warm body and stood back from the bed. Not losing eye contact with Lily, he toed his boots and socks off before shedding his long woolen coat. He pulled off his black t-shirt before moving to his leather pants. Julian’s hands paused in mid-action. He walked over to the bed and climbed on until he was crouched over Lily’s face.

“Lily...Lily...” Julian crooned. His hand shot out to slap her cheek when she didn’t respond quickly enough. “Lesson One—never lose focus, darling.”

The stinging pain lit another rebellious fire in Lily’s heart.

Angrily glaring at him, she spat, “Is this better, Julian? I mean it’s been so long since I’ve played helpless slave to the all-powerful vampire that sometimes I forget.”

“Sarcasm is not required.” He leaned forward and pointed out,

“This isn’t very smart of you, Lily. After all, you’re in no position to mouth off like that, darling. Tied up, naked, helpless…” His teeth gleamed like bone. “What if I were insatiable, looking for an easy meal?

You should be trying to distract me, making me think of eating something else besides…blood.”

32

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Lily’s stomach and thighs clenched. Lust stirred inside, already heightened by the throbbing in her cheek. Violence had always been a prelude to ecstasy. The more she stoked it, the better the ending.

Although back then Lily possessed inhuman strength. Now she was as fragile as glass.

However, Julian had taught her too well. Cautiousness melted beneath the venom in her mouth.

“Maybe because what’s on top of me doesn’t interest very much.” Lily cocked her head to the side. “You losing your touch there, stud? I remember a time when you could make me do whatever you wanted with just a crook of your little finger. I’d look at you and get wet.

Now…maybe your age is finally catching up to you, Grandpa? After all, you’re over three-hundred. Young for an Ascendant, but hella old for a lover, wouldn’t you say?”

Julian’s face stilled, smile still in place, but eyes promising hell.

Lily’s heart sped up with a wicked thrill.

Come on, come on, come on!

Just as planned, Lily’s words cut straight through to his insecurities. He forgot their game and wondered if what she said was really true. Then he instantly settled on a course of action. First, he’d take his belt off and whip her until she was crying for mercy. Second, he’d grab her by the hair and throw her out the window. Third, he’d dump her in the ER and consider himself lucky to walk away from this ungrateful, insulting bitch.

Then he’d come back and start over again.

Clearly stability had never been one of his finer virtues.

Arousal shyly spoke to him. Julian took in the air and noticed it getting stronger. He looked down and observed Lily’s barely concealed eagerness.

Oh, you bad, bad girl. You’re so good at this.

Lily flinched when Julian’s hand moved towards her parted mouth. He danced his fingertips across her lips. Her surprised gaze flew up. “I forget how sharp of a tongue you have, Lily,” he murmured with a wry smile. “Sometimes it pleases me, sometimes it doesn’t. I wonder which way it will be tonight.”

Julian moved off her body. He settled at the foot of the bed, knee bent negligently. Brooding, he waited for her move.

Lily raised her head. She studied him in confusion. Julian wasn’t reacting the way he would before. His retaliations were always swift, sadistic, and satisfying. Disappointment began to gnaw away at her when he finally spoke.

“It’s amazing, Lily, but somehow you’ve managed to turn the tables tonight. I’ve imagined for two years how this moment would be.

None of them were pleasant for you, my dear.” Julian glanced up at her.

Lily relaxed her arms and arched her back. His pride swiftly mended. He 33

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recognized the gesture for what it was and her docility proved he hadn’t lost all control over Lily’s will.

“Maybe when all this is done, I’ll make good on those fantasies,” he murmured suggestively.

“I don’t think so,” she denied as she shifted restlessly.

“No?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m going to make you want to eat something other than…blood.”

Julian’s lips parted in a wicked grin. He crawled over to lie length-wise next to Lily. He carefully ran his hands over his precious prize all the while testing his restraint. Julian found something that could pass as control but then Lily’s nipples tightened, seducing him completely.

“Forgive me, darling. I just can’t seem to help myself.”

His mouth closed over the alluring, dark peak. Lily let out a muffled groan and Julian became voracious. He hissed her name, chanting it as a beloved curse while he devoured her flesh.

Lily felt the rough scrape of his teeth several times but it only heightened her passions. She began to tug at her bonds. She wanted to touch Julian so badly.

“Untie me…now…”

A groan of denial burned into her skin. She began crying for release but he simply ignored her. It wasn’t until she trilled his name that his mouth swooped up to capture hers.

“Say it again,” he demanded hoarsely between kisses.

“Julian…”

“Again.”

“Julian…”

One of his hands skimmed her waist to rest on her mound.

Parting the slick lips, he brushed his finger across Lily’s swollen clit. He rubbed back and forth for a few seconds, all the while listening to her ragged moans.

“Julian…I’ve missed this…don’t stop…”

“Do you still hate it?”

“Yes…”

“Will you try to stop me?”

“Oh, no…”

Moving up to thoroughly kiss Lily again, Julian felt as if he were going to burst at any moment. However, he wanted to hold off the final pleasure for as long as possible. Julian stopped his carnal play and grinned when she mewled in protest.

“I wonder if you taste as good as you smell.”

34

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Lily lost her pout and gave him a smoky look of anticipation.

With a feral smile, Julian brought his finger up to her mouth.

Shamelessly, her pink tongue curled up around his finger and drew it in.

Lily released the moist digit with a smack and whispered, “Make me scream.”

“As my lady commands it.”

Julian maddeningly took his time down her body. He couldn’t pass up her magnificent breasts and spent several minutes caressing them both equally. Moving lower, he nipped her taut stomach before dipping his tongue into her tiny navel. He then slid his mouth across hips before sliding down further. He drew little moist patterns with his tongue up both of her inner thighs.

Julian delighted in Lily’s strangled cries of frustration. He took his time worshipping her legs. His tongue ran down towards her knees.

He first bit one then the other before scraping his elongated nails across the sensitive skin. “I remember you like that, Lily.” His voice dropped a notch. “In fact, I haven’t forgotten anything.”

Frustration making her voice tense, she snapped, “If you remember everything, then what are you waiting for?”

Julian settled his chin on her dark curls and teasingly ran his fingertips up and down her leg. “While I haven’t forgotten anything, it seems that you have.”

Recognition dawned in her eyes. Lily felt a spurt of resistance before she quelled it. She was too aroused to pull back now. Swallowing a lump of pride, she whispered, “Please lick me. I want to feel your tongue…it’s been so long since...”

“And…” he drew out in a chiding voice.

“But only...if it pleases you...my lord.” Lily’s eyes slid away from his. Two fat tears trembled, threatening to undo her composure.

Delighted, Julian dropped an open-mouthed kiss on her thigh.

“Ssh, I know how much that hurt. You did very good, my darling.” He waited until she looked up before parting her puffy lips with his tongue.

Without thought to finesse, Julian began to lap Lily’s quivering flesh. All too soon, her moans of delight grew increasingly louder. Lily’s hips bounced in rhythm to his sinful stroking until Julian laid one hand across her belly to keep her still. He used his other one to stroke her slippery flesh. When he inserted a finger inside her, Lily’s muscles clenched in pleasure. One finger became two and then three while his lips and tongue busily licked and sucked her swollen clit.

Lily’s orgasm built as all the sensation in her body centered on Julian’s mouth. She opened her eyes and glanced down. Her arousal rose to a fevered pitch. The sight of her lover’s dark head and hands between her widespread thighs brought forth another groan of ecstasy.

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Knowing Lily’s body the way he did, Julian sensed she was on the verge of coming. Abruptly, he pulled away from her and sat back on his heels.

Lily screamed in protest. “Julian, you always f—” Her gaze locked on his. The rest of the words died in her throat. His demonic stare was so compelling, so hypnotic. She melted. He could ask anything of her and it would be done. She still needed and loved Julian that much.

More than fear.

Vampire. Resurrector. Enemies. Lovers.

None of it mattered. All that mattered was this.

“You know what I want now?”

“I know what you want.”

Moving up her body, Julian once again crouched over her face.

His hands gently touched her cheek before tracing her full lips. Lily nipped his fingers and he laughed.

Lily’s lustful gaze fixed on the bulging crotch in front of her.

Bringing her head forward, her teeth got a hold of the top button and maneuvered it out of the hole. Painstakingly she repeated her movements time and time again, even though her neck muscles screamed in agony.

All the while, Julian’s hands idly played with her hair.

Finally the last button became undone and his long, thick penis sprang forth. Lily’s eyes glazed over with delight. She ran her tongue along the underside and felt a thrill when Julian’s deep groan rang through the air. Repeatedly, she only tongued the underside of his cock, reveling in the power she had over him.

Their positions reversed during moments like this. She became the tormentor and he the helpless victim. The slave became the master, and the master became the willing slave. It was poetic somehow.

I love him.

Lily kissed the tip of his velvet head. Her sweet gesture elicited a sound of pained pleasure. She enveloped him in her mouth and sighed with contentment. Lily loved the taste of Julian, wanting, needing to consume him until he belonged only to her.

If I just let myself forget who he is…if I forget who I am...then I’ll be happy.

He rocked his hips; hands now tightly gripped her damp hair.

He debated whether or not to come in her mouth. As pleasurable as that would be, Julian wanted more. More sickness, more denial, more rapture.

More. Always more.

I want to break her a little more. I want to make her cry a little more. I want to make her love me a little more. Maybe one day I won’t need these games. Maybe…

Julian pulled away, leaving Lily open mouthed and obviously aroused. Gazing down at his bound woman, he nonchalantly said, “As 36

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory great as this is feeling, Lily, I see now that finding you wasn’t really worth all the time and effort.”

He sadistically grinned at her mounting disbelief and outrage.

“What can I say? You're always right. Things will never be the same between us.” He gave Lily his back. “I’ll just let myself out and forget we ever saw one another.”

Lily recognized this game. He would leave her bound and just walk out if she didn’t call him back. It could be minutes, hours, days, or weeks.

I won't! I won't beg him! It’s better this way. He’s only going to mess me up worse…make me forget what I need to remember. I won't...

“Julian! Please don’t leave. Not tonight...I need you so much.

Please don’t go. It hurts…just...don’t...go.” Her face crumpled as the humiliation of the situation settled on her. Two years had done nothing to end Lily’s compulsive need for him.

Christ, she said yes.

Julian’s legs shook as her emotions tumbled through him. He still had Lily just as strongly as before—perhaps even more so.

She said yes!

Triumph gleamed brightly in his lustful gaze. He leisurely stripped off his leather pants. Looking down, he noted his trembling hands mirrored his brittle thoughts.

Lily, I need you so badly. I'll die without you. Don't let that happen…don't let me be what I don't want to be. Don't let me become what you hate and what I love. Don't let my wickedness out. Just love me.

Love me the way I need…please.

He bit his lip until it drew blood. Julian let out a slow hiss of air.

He would do this. He would keep her. He would NOT fuck this up.

Now naked, his body prepared for the sweetest triumph yet.

Julian’s lean muscles rippled as he padded back to the bed. “You know what this means, don’t you, baby?” He waited until she jerked her head twice. “I won’t let you go after tonight, Lily. You try to leave and I WILL kill you...and maybe make you live forever. You better be sure of the choice you’re making.”

Lily’s world stopped. Her throat clogged and panic consumed her whole. Then she replayed the end of his threat.

“…make you live forever.”

Julian’s cruelty always hurt worse when it was so careless. Or perhaps calculating was actually the appropriate term. After all, he might already know her selfish dread and was playing with it. Lily never knew with Julian. His honesty lay in the technicality of words, not the actual intents themselves.

Still, Lily clung to the meaning she wanted to believe. “Choice?

What choice is there, Julian?” She coughed once before laughing wildly.

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“But I’m not the only one who’s this screwed up so you better be sure too.”

Julian paused. “I made the choice long ago. You just could never see it.”

“Liar.”

His claws sliced through the bonds on her ankles. He settled between her still-spread thighs. “I’m many things, but a liar is not one of them.” Suddenly, he lunged, seating himself completely within her small body. Lily’s high-pitched scream melted into an aching cry when he reared back and then slammed his hips forward. Julian’s eyes clenched from the overwhelming sensations of finally being in Lily again. She felt so tight and so warm around him. He knew he’d just hurt her with his roughness but didn’t care.

Looking down at her flushed face, Julian lowered his lips until they were a hairsbreadth away from hers. “I’m wondering something, darling. Can I still fuck you the way I used to? You’re just a regular human now. You used to like it rough, just like a vampire. Care to find out how much you can take?”

Lily’s delicate mouth parted. Her chest fluttered with quickening motions. Instead of pleading for leniency, she surprised them both by growling, “Just shut-up and fuck me.”

Julian took the gauntlet in wicked glee. He reached out and sliced through Lily’s restraints with one dangerous claw. She yanked his head down and simultaneously wrapped her legs around his lean waist.

Julian’s tongue mimicked the push and retreat of his lower body while Lily greedily sucked him in her mouth. In unconscious apology, he kept his movements slow and gentle but Lily instantly found dissatisfaction with the sedate pace. Gripping his waist, she moved his hips until Julian’s thrusts became faster. Amusement at her aggressiveness caused him to murmur “Greedy bitch” before kissing her again.

Genetics didn't matter much anymore. Regret would take them both hours later, but right now madness held them as tightly as Julian's hands held Lily's. Their fingers entwined as their bodies’ frenzied movements grew increasingly faster. Instinct ruled caution, leaving scrapes, bruises, and little dots of blood.

It can never be better than this…I feel alive again.

Lily wanted this to last forever. Her hips furiously surged up to meet and encase all of his rigid length. She ripped her lips away from his.

Her gasps grew short and sharp. Thrashing her head from side to side, she felt her orgasm begin to build.

“Yes...Julian...ah...don’t stop...yes! Please! Oh, yes! I’m gonna...oh, yes...”

He ran his tongue down her ear and crooned, “Darling, come for me...I want to hear you come...I want to feel you come around my cock...give it to me...”

38

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Spurred on by his words and body, Lily stiffened as she arched up and screamed, “JULIAN!” All the pain, betrayal, want, and need manifested itself into that one desperate cry. Once again his body mastered hers with the dark magic of their passions. He was and always would be her salvation and damnation.

When you stare into the darkness, it stares back at you too.

Julian released her hands and grabbed both of her thighs in a bruising grip. Lily’s lips and tongue busily sucked and licked his hard flat nipples while her hands roamed his back. Deliberately, she raked her nails down. Superficial bits of skin clung to the little tips, but it was just enough to send Julian over the edge. He could feel his balls tightening in bliss. Desperate now, he savagely hammered Lily’s body. Seconds later, he clutched her hips helplessly as spasm after spasm rocked him. Julian now knew that everything he had done was all worth it, if only to hold this mortal, this woman.

My woman.

Collapsing on her body, he lay there for several minutes. Sweat, fear, lust, release—all of it emanated from the living doll beneath him.

Her scent soothed him as much as it agitated. Already he wanted her again. “Darling?”

Lily mumbled something incoherent.

Julian rolled over to his side, bringing her with him. He glanced down and saw she had fallen asleep.

Too slow. I was the only thing that could keep her awake. Left unattended, she always passed out right after sex.

He flung his head back on the bed. A wry smile danced across lips. Mentally, he relived every moment of the last thirty minutes. It was incredible, even though he hadn’t made Lily beg as much as he originally planned. Julian studied Lily’s sleeping face, noting each new line and hollow. Tenderly, he kissed her cheek. He had missed her so much! She had been a girl before but now this incredible creature had morphed into a woman. A woman who was his. Julian knew Lily recognized his ownership, although she’d been far too hesitant.

Hesitant. Fearful even.

Something cold slithered in the bowels of his twisted mind. Had Lily betrayed his right of possession? Had she allowed another to be where only he had been?

Has she been sleeping around on me? Is there someone she’s in love with even now?

Julian’s post-coital mood abruptly vanished. Lily’s fidelity was not something he’d spent a great deal of time thinking about. Between obsession and survival, he didn’t have the opportunity to ponder much about how Lily spent her time—only where. However, the questions burned brightly in his mind now.

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Forcing his body to relax, Julian gazed at his sleeping lover. If Lily had been unfaithful to him, she’d undergo all the torments of Hell on earth. Nothing would aid her in escaping his fury.

That was a promise he’d be more than able to keep.

Julian bowed his head. Spasms clutched his heart, giving the lifeless organ the phantom pain of inconsolable grief.

Chap

40

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory CHAPTER FOUR
violent Shades of Reality

Lily began to shiver. She burrowed closer to the body next to her but found coolness instead of heat. All too quickly wakefulness became more of a threat. A furrow etched itself between her brows. She wasn’t ready to face reality yet. Lily heard Julian’s voice commanding her to stay asleep and like a perfect pet, she obeyed. Thankful for his bullying consideration, Lily drifted back towards unconsciousness and drowsily smiled.

I wonder if he’s watching me like I used to watch him…

After several minutes, a dream started to form from the chambers of her mind. Lily saw herself running through a cemetery, pursued by countless vampires. She wanted to turn and fight but instinctively knew she wasn’t strong enough.

What happened to me?

Running down the road, Lily saw the sign flanking her family farm. She immediately thought she found sanctuary only to realize there was no way she could purposely put her mom in danger. Lily miserably ran past the emotional security of home. Lights dimmed before flicking off. Darkness pressed in while her feet beat a tattoo on the worn asphalt.

Fog from the lake slid around her ankles, guiding Lily towards its shores.

All the while the horde was right behind her. Not close enough to catch Lily, but close enough that if she faltered even once, they’d be able to pounce.

She cut across a field, dodging tiny canyons cut in clay.

Suddenly, Lily found herself in a thick, mist-filled forest. Her legs were lead and her lungs pushed to one breath short of exploding, but Lily forced herself to keep moving. The will to live, despite seemingly insurmountable odds, was too strong.

I can make it. I can outrun them. I am NOT going to die out here tonight.

She tore past razor branches, shredding her clothes in the process. Agilely, she jumped over rotting logs and skidded down embankments only to have to claw her way up only a few seconds later.

Yet no matter how much distance she covered, the ravenous pack kept frenetic pace.

Lily’s sleepy smile faded away. She rolled over and unconsciously sought comfort from Julian but found only emptiness.

Panic and terror overwhelmed her and the nightmare lost its objective quality.

Where to go? Where to hide?

Just when Lily found herself at the edge of hysteria, an enormous house appeared in a clearing before her. She pushed her body 41

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN
to its limits, not even daring to look over her shoulder. Lily cleared the steps in one leap. Her knee buckled and she crashed against the wooden landing. Palms bloody, legs scraped, Lily pushed up and frantically pounded on the heavy double doors, oblivious to the splinters piercing her skin. Crimson rivulets snaked down her arms and formed macabre patterns on her skin. These markings undulated in time with Lily’s heart, shifting to make familiar brands from a love gone wrong.

The Bleeding Heart of Douglas…HIS family crest…HIS glyph.

It’s supposed to protect me—so why isn’t it? Is it because Julian’s dead?

No. Not Julian. Ian. Or are they both? I don’t remember. Why don’t I remember?

The demon pack scrambled up the steps and their horrible pants planted doom inside of Lily. Spindly arms reached out, claws eager to stain itself with her blood. She cowered against the door, certain she was just seconds from being ripped apart.

The entrance opened.

Whispering a devout prayer of thanks, Lily rushed in, barely slamming the doors in time. All snarls extinguished and the world became unnaturally silent. Lily collapsed against the door, coughing furiously. Several minutes passed before she looked around to see where she was. Despite the relaxed exterior, a cavernous, medieval-like room with fireplaces blazing on three walls greeted her sight.

What’s a house like this doing in Vickery Hill?

Weapons from a span of centuries hung throughout the hall.

Katana swords, claymores, maces, rapiers, daggers, battle-axes, shields, and numerous other deadly weapons silently spoke their testament to death and destruction. She walked further into the room, momentarily forgetting about the threat outside. The hall held the whisper of the surreal, a timeless aura, as if the original occupants were still there. Cold, black marble floors caused Lily’s footsteps to ring loudly as she unerringly moved towards a raised dais near the end of the room.

Someone there was watching her, piercing Lily with his gaze, but who? The observer’s features were obscured by shadow. Fire cast a macabre halo around the enormous throne where he sat.

I know him, but that can’t be. I left him. He doesn’t know where I am…right?

Recognition dawned upon her as soon as he stood up. Suddenly, Lily realized she no longer felt winded, but instead felt very, very chilled.

Looking down, she saw she was completely nude. Her tank top, pants, underclothing, shoes, were all gone. Lily gasped aloud. Mortified by her nakedness, she attempted to cross her arms over her body.

“NO!”

Lily meekly stood still, wanting to disobey but much too frightened to do so. She remained motionless, knowing this was expected of her.

42

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory I have to do this. Pleasing him is the only thing I know.

His gaze licked over her vulnerable flesh. Without touching, he touched her. Without breathing, he breathed for her. There was not one piece of her that he didn’t see. There was no longer one piece of herself that she wanted to hide. It always began as such for them—he pursued, she retreated.

He conquered. She yielded.

The energy between them halted when she heard THEM. Small moans of hunger and salacious desire rippled throughout the room.

Wildly looking around her, Lily saw hundreds of pairs of glowing, red eyes staring at her.

Despair crashed. Desire broke.

Instead of fleeing to safety, Lily had run right into a den of vampires. Bitter tears clogged her throat and madness filled her brain.

Lily crumbled to the floor and curled up into a protective ball.

She was trapped. She was going to die.

Lily heard him come for her. Each click of his boots pierced her eardrums. As the pound of his footfalls echoed throughout the hall, the greedy, writhing forms became silent. They recoiled in fear and hugged the walls, each hoping their master wouldn’t call for them.

He finally stopped in front of her. Without words, he commanded her to look at him. Tentatively raising her head, Lily’s agonized eyes looked into his intensely cruel gaze. “Ian...”

Fury flared up before sliding away. “Get up, Resurrector.”

Scrambling to her feet, Lily mentally berated herself for calling him Ian. How many times had she undergone the harsh punishments of his ire for such an infraction?

“When will you learn how to address your master?” Julian asked coldly. “Do you think I am anything like Ian? Do I act like Ian? Do I fuck you like Ian would’ve?”

“No,” she sadly whispered.

“Then understand this—I own you. I am all you have, Lily. All you will ever have. You are mine to keep…mine to destroy.”

“I’m sorry. Please...” Anguish made her voice raw. “Why do you hate me? Why do you always hurt me?”

He gripped her by the back of the neck and squeezed until Lily cried out. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips against her temple and answered softly, “Because it pleases me. That’s the only reason I’ll ever need.”

Delighted cries resounded throughout. Lily whimpered in fear and began to futilely struggle against his hold. Great wrenching sobs caused her small frame to shudder as the hopelessness of her situation hit her. This was why she had no power, why she couldn’t defend herself against the undead. It was because of Julian and her twisted love for him.

Love had made Lily as weak as any normal human being.

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Instead of gloating over her fear, Julian wrapped his arms around her trembling body. “Ssh, ssh, my darling little girl. Why do you fear this? Why do you fear me? You want to be possessed. You want to be mine. Your love for me is far greater than it ever was for Ian. Why fight it? Give in, give in…”

Julian’s words were hypnotically echoed by numerous voices.

“Give in, give in, give in…”

The seductive promise in his words stilled her sobbing.

Dragging in great gulps of air, Lily closed her mind to fear, doubt, to all rational thought, and just forced her body to feel. The entire hall sensed her arousal. The vampires raised their chant to a higher pitch. Julian picked Lily up and carried her to the dais. Languorously lying in his embrace, she noticed he was completely naked, whereas he’d been completely clothed in black just a few seconds before.

“Pretty…”

Julian carefully laid her on a crimson, velvet-covered altar that appeared where his throne had been. Her heavy-lidded gaze ran appreciatively over his smooth, pale body. She could die just from looking at his sleekly muscled chest and narrow waist. Lily’s insides melted when her gaze traveled lower.

The arrogant light in his eyes was the only sign Julian gave that he noticed her lengthy perusal. He slowly climbed onto the altar.

Covering her small body with his large one, he stared down into her eyes for an indeterminable time. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days, or even years. It didn’t matter to her. All Lily wanted was to fall into his incredible blue gaze and never leave his sight.

And still the demons chanted for her to give in to their lord and master.

Her lord and master.

“Please...” she implored once again.

As answer, he took her mouth in a brutal, possessive kiss. Her tender lip split from his assault. However, this only heightened their passions. Hungrily, he licked her bruised and bleeding mouth as she panted for the exquisite pleasure and pain. Lily’s body undulated restlessly beneath him, needing his tainted touch so badly.

Julian worked his way down, nipping and biting her sensitive breasts, belly, and thighs until he settled between her eagerly spread legs.

For several moments he gazed at the rose-colored flesh. A deep growl tore through him.

“Mine.”

Lily cried out from the sheer ecstasy of having his cool tongue invade her core. Lily’s hands restlessly roamed her body as her vampire lord greedily drank from her. His lips repeatedly closed over her clit before pulling away to press hot, heated kisses on the delicate flesh.

Hazily, she thought of what a decadent sight they made.

44

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory The fallen willingly ravished by the damned. Why am I always scared at first when I love it so much?

Julian’s long fingers penetrated Lily, piercing her thoughts. He worked her into a frenzy until the feelings of his mouth, tongue, and fingers finally overcame her. Madly gripping her fingers in his dark hair, Lily arched her back and screamed his name.

Howls of delight rose from the unholy observers, pulling her from the precipice of unconsciousness. Lily languidly looked upon the masses of moving flesh. Males and females, males with other males, females with males and other females were all taking part of every perversion known to sex, yet still looking at her and Julian. However, the stares no longer filled her with fear and disgust. Instead, Lily reveled in the unbridled dementia of the room.

They were no longer her enemies. They had become her captive audience.

Softly kissing her nether lips, Julian continued to stroke Lily’s damp flesh, bringing forth another cry from her throat. He raised himself up onto his knees and roughly flipped her unsuspecting body over.

Forcibly pulling up her hips, he rubbed his erection against Lily, listening to her breathy pants, before slamming into her body.

“JULIAN!”

Lily was caught in the throes of anguish and gratification. She was helpless, pinned as she was by his body. However, Lily keened in anticipation. As always, the burning pain of Julian’s invasion only enhanced the burning desire she felt for him. Her body shook from the immense force of his thrusts. Great rasping moans tore from her throat and she knew heaven.

Julian gripped the back of her head and forced her to look up at the countless acts of depravity taking place around them. “Look well, Lily. See what you have caused. You inspire that in them.” He punctuated each word with a thrust.

Fighting back the tears caused by the overwhelming sensations, Lily pushed back against him. Humans weren’t supposed to be like animals in lust, but God help her, she was just as animalistic with her lover as vampires were about feeding and fucking.

Julian pushed her head down to the altar and continued to slap his hips into the rounded flesh. “You have no power over us anymore, Resurrector because of THIS.” His hand had reached around to cup her quivering flesh. “All that matters to you anymore is fucking—with me or anyone else.”

Whimpering against his words, she gasped, “That’s not true! I love you!”

He raised her head up by the hair again. He spoke in her ear and contempt dripped from each word. “Whore, you don’t love me. You love this. You’re such a fucking slut, Lily.”

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“No! Julian, please—”

He slammed her head back down to the altar. “Shut-up! I know it doesn’t matter who fucks you as long as you get fucked.” Julian’s hatred scorched everything in the dark hall. All movement ceased as Lily’s sobs of pain and unwilling pleasure clearly resounded throughout.

“Tell me you love me. Now!”

“I love you!”

“Not…good…enough.” Julian brought her body up again. He tightly wrapped his arms around Lily while continuing his unrelenting assault.

“You make me this way and I hate you for it, Resurrector. I’m a god and yet you defile me with your lies.”

“I’m not lying,” Lily panted. “I love you and I’ll never stop.”

Julian immediately lowered his head to her neck. His fangs barely sank beneath the surface of Lily’s skin. Waves of white-hot pain and pleasure radiated throughout her body. Closing her eyes, she reached above her and entwined her arms around Julian’s neck. The primeval rhythm of their mating rapidly threw them and everyone else over the edge. Lily and Julian’s cries of rapture blended with the infernal orgasmic joy of their audience.

It was immoral perfection.

Lily leaned into his beloved embrace. She never wanted to leave. He, however, had other plans. Julian abruptly threw her off himself and the altar.

“Such passion!” he intoned coldly. “Now let’s see how much passion can be squeezed out of you before you get fucked to death. It’s such an undeserving mercy for you, my beautiful whore. To die doing what you love—would that we were all so lucky.”

Horror turned her insides to ice. Lily looked up to see Julian once again clothed and sitting on his throne. Wildly scanning around her, she saw several vampires slinking closer and closer. She shamelessly gripped his leg and looked into his face. Finding no mercy in his soulless eyes, Lily screamed, “How can you do this to me?! Why are you doing this to me?!”

Julian leaned forward with elegant grace before he gripped her chin and growled, “Because I won’t tolerate your unfaithfulness to me!

Have I been your only one, Lily? Have I been the only to touch you? To feel you?”

Her mouth moved, trying to summon up the lie while silently pleading for understanding.

“Don’t bother. I can see the truth in your eyes. You disgust me!”

Julian pushed her down from the dais violently. He impassively watched as several males covered her flailing limbs with their naked bodies. “I’m sure you’ll like these guys, Lily. Although they’re not as refined in their techniques as I am, I’m sure you won’t complain…for long.”

46

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Watching Lily struggle against them, a sadistic grin twisted his lips. “Don’t think that I never cared for you, darling. Oh Lily, say hello to my very good friend Cynthia before you die.”

A luscious brunette suddenly appeared from behind the throne.

Clothed in shades of midnight, her vivid dark beauty was unforgettable to Lily. This was just one of many girls who had caused countless of hours of pain and bitterness for her. Lily would never forget the moment when she saw both of them together...

Julian smirked while running his hand down Cynthia’s backside.

“I’m sure you remember Cynthia, don’t you, Lily? How can anyone forget such a delicious bit of beauty?”

Leaning down, Cynthia captured his lips with her full, glossy mouth. They devoured each other as Lily looked on with betrayal and impotent fury. Catching her venomous glare, Cynthia pulled back from Julian with a cold smile on her flawless face.

“I definitely remember you, Lily. After all, you stole my life. So I’m just stealing yours.” She maliciously purred, “Don’t hold it against me. You weren’t smart enough to keep it.”

The terrible grin melted into one of enigmatic sadness.

“You still see me as this, don’t you? We’re the same. We always love the ones that hurt us. You forgot what you were, little Lily.

You’re just a tool. You forgot that.”

Indescribable torture wracked Lily’s body as the first vampire ripped into her. She mentally shut down as she thought of her ultimate failure. She’d been right. She was going to die that night.

But she died from the desolation of his deadly faithlessness—his abandonment.

The last thing Lily heard was Julian’s cheerful request of,

“Darling, do me a favor. Make sure you stay dead this time.”

NO!

Lily shot straight up in her bed. Heart pounding wildly, she felt nauseous and in danger of losing what little food she had in her belly.

She thrust her hand beneath the sheet. Lily’s fingers tenderly probed between her legs. Although damp and slightly sore, there was obviously no damage.

Just a nightmare.

Lily’s approaching calm was short-lived when she heard Julian’s silky voice float towards her. “What’s wrong, darling? Bad dreams?” Emerging from the darkness, he stopped at the footboard and leaned against a post. “Why would such a pure girl like you ever have anything bad to dream about?”

Julian dropped his pose of studied ease and pinned Lily with a menacing stare.

“Unless, oh I don’t know, maybe you have something nagging your conscience. Something like guilt.” Throwing a stack of letters and 47

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photos on the bed, he gave her a few moments to stare at the pile before snapping her attention back to him. “So who is he?”

“What—”

“Don’t bother lying. I can see the truth in your eyes.”

Lily paled as she felt her nightmare come to life. “You have no right to be going through my things!”

Julian slammed his head against the bedpost. “DON’T!” A small crimson trickle seeped down. He brushed his hair off his face, smearing the blood across his forehead. “All right,” he whispered.

Looking at her with lifeless eyes, Julian suggested, “Lily, don’t say anything else. Just be a good girl and maybe we can move on.”

Lily scrambled off the bed. “Julian, I am NOT going to let you touch me!”

“I’m not going to touch you, Lily.”

“No? Then what the fuck are you trying to do?”

Before Julian could answer, a loud pounding shook door. Their gazes locked onto each other in surprise. Lily knew of only one person who would be out at this hour, coming to her door like an addict.

God, please don’t let him be out there. Make him go away, before anything bad happens.

Or would her prayers fall on deaf ear

48

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory CHAPTER FIVE

Dirty Affair with Love

“Lily! Are you in there?” Kerrie’s slightly drunken voice penetrated the dangerous silence. “Clarisse locked me out again...damn bitch. Can I crash here tonight?”

Lily sagged in relief. Her gaze swung from the door back to Julian. She didn’t like the way he looked. He seemed like a beast sniffing the air, unsure if Kerrie was harmless or foe. Lily quickly donned his shirt. She moved away from the bed and walked to the door, while warily keeping Julian in sight. She opened it wide enough to stick her head out.

Seeing Lily, Kerrie swayed on unsteady legs and started to come in. Lily put her hands up. “Sorry, Kerrie, but I can’t tonight. I’m kinda busy.” Those were precisely the wrong choice of words.

“Busy? Oh! Sorry, Lily! I didn’t mean to interrupt. I can’t believe you’re finally—”

Lily nervously shouted, “NO! I mean, it’s not exactly what you think—”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. Really. I’m just glad you finally gave Daniel a chance. Hey, Danny! Way to go my man!”

Kerrie dissolved into drunken giggles.

Great! Just what Julian needed to hear.

“Kerrie, please. It’s not—just let me call you tomorrow. Now, I really, really need for you to go.”

Kerrie tossed her brown curls with a laugh. “Hey, not a problem. I’ll find somewhere else to crash. Wait till I see Daniel. That dog! Last I heard he was whining about, well, you know. I never would’ve thought that you and he...well, I know he tried—”

The door opened further, suddenly revealing Julian. Dressed only in his pants, blood absent from his head, he smiled kindly at the shock penetrating Kerrie’s stupor. “Send my apologies to Daniel, but I’m the lucky man in Lily’s life now. Kerrie, that was your name wasn’t it?”

The young woman nodded dumbly. Julian’s physical effect on her was more apparent because of the alcohol. Although, Lily suspected it’d be the same sans liquor.

“My name is Julian.” He gave her a mesmerizing smile.

Casually taking her hand, he lifted it to his well-shaped mouth and gave it a soft, gentle kiss. “How do you do, Kerrie?”

Lily roughly elbowed Julian out of the way, breaking his hypnotic hold over Kerrie. Blinking her eyes several times, she eventually focused on Lily once more. “Wow. Definitely not Daniel, not that that’s a complaint. Umm, damn what was I going to say? Oh yeah.

I’ll just crash at Julio’s on the third floor. You haven’t met him yet, have 49

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN
you? You need to meet this guy. I think the two of you would really hit it off.”

Steel laced Julian’s words as he chided, “Kerrie? Are you trying to set my girlfriend up with another guy? That wouldn’t be very nice of you, now would it?”

“Leave her alone. Now.”

Julian slanted Lily a glare of loathing. “I’m not doing anything, darling.”

Kerrie looked between the two in confusion. Lily and Julian seemed more like on the verge of fight, which just didn’t make sense to Kerrie at all. Instead of arguing, she’d be screwing Julian’s brains out if he were hers. Despite her alcoholic fog, Kerrie knew she’d stepped in it and as much as she would love to stand there and stare at Lily’s new guy, she sensed it’d be best for her to go.

That and Lily’s next statement of, “Go to Julio’s and I’ll see you in the morning,” convinced Kerrie it was time to bid adieu.

“Okay.” Her green eyes flitted between Lily and Julian. Feeling the need to apologize, she said, “And about Julio—I just meant that he’s a really cool guy and I thought you might like to be friends with him or something.”

Giving Julian another nasty glare, Lily replied, “I know. It’s okay. I promise. Now will you just go before you pass out and hit your head! Get some sleep!”

Julian slinked his arm around Lily’s tense shoulders. “I enjoyed meeting one of Lily’s friends. I do hope you’ll give me the chance to get to know you better. You have to visit us one day...or night…Kerrie.”

Warming under his gaze, she promised, “I will. Maybe tomorrow. Nice to meet ya, Julian.” Kerrie grinned and leaned close to Lily. She warned in a loud whisper, “You better keep him away from Clarisse or I bet money she’ll try to snag him for herself.”

Turning around, Kerrie started down the hall. She stopped when she almost reached the end. Raising a fist, she hammered at the door.

“Clarisse! You skank! Hurry the hell up!” She then continued down the hall, rounding the corner while mumbling loudly, “Damnit! I’m going to rip the lock out of that damn door one of these days.”

Relieved that Kerrie was safely away from the volatile situation, Lily closed and locked the door. She sighed. There was no way Julian would let the Daniel thing pass. Her nerves were strung so tight but she couldn’t chance Julian seeing it. He’d only use it against her. Instead, Lily walked past him to the pitiful hole in the wall that doubled for a closet.

“I liked Kerrie. I think I’d also like to meet Clarisse. She sounds like fun. You will introduce us, won’t you Lily?”

“Why? So you can fuck her behind my back too?”

“I wouldn’t.”

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“Sure could’ve fooled me with how you were with Kerrie.”

Lily’s words were terse and fraught with resentment.

“I was being friendly.”

“No. You were being a whore.”

“I was being safe. Think, Lily. We don’t want your acquaintances to think you’re rotting in some alley when you leave, do we? Now after meeting me, Kerrie will just assume you decided to live happily-ever-after with your hot new boyfriend.”

“What makes you think I’m going anywhere?” she demanded while rummaging in a laundry basket for some underwear and a pair of jeans. Quickly slipping them on, Lily waited for his answer.

“Julian?”

Lily stepped out of the closet. She saw him in the living room, straddling a wooden chair with folded arms and chin resting on top. To the casual observer, he appeared completely relaxed but Lily wasn’t fooled. She chose to stand with her back against the wall and waited for Julian to make the first move. She didn’t have to wait long.

“Is there a reason why you want to stay?”

“Maybe.”

“What?”

“Free will.”

“Really? I don’t think so.” He pursed his lips. “So, Lily, who’s Daniel to you? A boyfriend?”

“No. Whether I slept with him isn’t any of your business, but no, I haven’t done that either.”

“I haven’t even gotten there yet, Lily. What is he to you?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she repeated stubbornly.

Julian shook his head slowly. “Oh, I think Kerrie thinks otherwise. What was it she said? Oh yes, I remember now. ‘Way to go my man!’” Julian jumped up from the chair and kicked it viciously, breaking two of the legs. “Now if everything has been innocent between you and this Daniel, why would she think that he was in here?”

Lily jumped back. This was going to be just another one of his sadistic games—one she had no chance of winning. Julian had already read the letters from Daniel and drew his own conclusions. She was already convicted in his mind. Julian was now just toying with her, waiting for her to say the wrong thing.

“Julian, it’s not this complicated. Daniel’s a friend—”

Rudely cutting her off, he snarled, “Pay attention, Lily! Once again, why would Kerrie think that you were with Daniel?”

Strain made her temper snap. “Probably because we almost fucked once!”

Julian reared back. His waxen features paled even further. “You almost...did you say?”

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Lily refused to falter under the weight of guilt his wounded expression just gifted her. Righteous anger exploded inside Lily and she pushed away from the wall. “I did say! Not only did I say, I’m going to say something more and you’re going to damn well listen! How dare you come into my life and judge me? Once again, what about you? What about all the other women that you were with when you were supposed to be with me? Vivian? Cynthia? Those two names ring a bell? How about all the others? Even if I had been with Daniel, what I’ve done these past two years is none of your business!”

Julian remained silent during her vehement tirade. However, her last words inspired an unhealthy reaction. “Like hell it’s none of my business!” Closing the distance between them, he angrily held her upper arms in a vice grip. “Two years or twenty, it doesn’t make a difference.

You are mine! No one has the right to touch you except me! Do you understand me? DO YOU?”

“What right do you have to claim me as yours? Even if I’m with you, I belong to me. Not to Daniel, you, or anyone else! I belong to me!”

“You sure have changed your tune, darling. Not even an hour ago we both accepted who and what we meant to each other. Now, you’re just ready to toss me aside, aren’t you?”

“You have got to be kidding me! Of all the colossal nerve!

You…” Lily sputtered in shock. “I wished I had screwed him!”

“I’d kill you.”

Menace choked the air in Lily’s lungs. She watched in morbid transfixion as Julian’s flinty gaze wavered between blue and gold. “Well, now. It’s a good thing I don’t take the same advice or you’d already be dead.”

Chagrin pulled his mouth for the briefest moments. “We’re different. I have eternity spreading before me. I’ll be damned if I spend it next to someone who can’t give me her loyalty.”

Lily clenched her fists in her hair and screamed. “How the hell are you turning this around on me?!”

“Because you’re lying to me. Now tell me the truth. Or is that too much to ask of you?”

“You immature asshole! If you lived what you preach, you and I would’ve spent the last two years together instead of apart. We’d still be in Vickery Hill and I’d still have a life.”

He tightened his mouth in anger and bit out, “True.”

“What?” Lily felt as if her world had taken a faulty turn.

“I said you’re right.” Julian brushed his hair back in agitation.

He began pacing in tight circles. “Maybe I should see this as Karmic Retribution. Maybe I should think this is what I deserve. If I had to honestly answer, I’d say yes. I do deserve this.”

Lily’s mouth opened dumbly. She had never seen this side of Julian. Where was the arrogant smirk? Where was the fine line between 52

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory insanity and domination? Where was the violence? In the past, he’d destroy a room in a fit of pique. Now, Julian actually admitted to being wrong?

Just who was this man?

“But you know what, Lily? I don’t care. I don’t care what’s fair.

I don’t care that I deserve this. What I do want is to kill that little fuck.

What it does mean is this—I own your will, your body, and your heart.”

I knew it was too good to be true.

“Stop saying you own me, Julian!”

“But it’s true,” he asserted in a voice filled with terrible grace and dignity. “You don’t belong to me because I make it so. You belong to me because you still love me—”

“That has nothing to do—”

“AND that’s the reason why you’ll always be mine.”

Lily wanted to deny it, but knew she couldn’t. They stared at each, in hateful passion, before she spoke in a barely audible voice. “I still love you, but I wish to God I didn’t because there’s no one less deserving of it than you.”

“And Daniel is someone who deserves it, right?” Julian stalked over to the bed and picked up a strewn letter. Scanning it, he mockingly read out loud, “‘Lily, I know you’ve been hurt in the past by some jerk but I swear to you that I would never hurt you.’ Airing our dirty laundry, darling?” Julian balled up the letter and threw it, hitting Lily squarely in the chest. “How disgustingly sweet!”

Cringing from the scorn in his voice, she struck back. “What part of me driving a stake in your chest, burning down your house, and decimating your clan gave you the impression we were still together?”

“If I thought for one moment we were done, I’d have already drained you dry and left you here to rot.”

“You’re so romantic,” she drawled. “It’s no wonder you’ve stolen my heart, sweetie. And what about you? How busy have you been? You know, with your insatiable appetites?”

Julian’s lips twitched. All too carelessly he answered, “The fact that I’ve spent the last two years looking for you should show you’re my favorite bitch.”

“I see.”

“Do you really?”

Lily nodded her head and calmly walked to a small side table.

Her fingers ran the rim of the lampshade. “Favorite.” Picking up the lamp, Lily flung it with considerable might at his dark head. “Fuck you!

You fucking, arrogant son of a bitch! I’m NOT your bitch!”

Julian neatly dodged the missile. “You ARE my bitch just as I’m yours, Lily. I’ve already begged you enough tonight to prove it.”

“You have not!”

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“I have. So why don’t you be a good girl and just do it so we can move on.”

“No!”

“WHY NOT?!” he screamed in a pained roar. Fine tremors possessed his lean frame while a feral glow gleamed from behind his disheveled hair.

“Because I haven’t done anything wrong!” Lily spun on her heel and walked into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out a soda.

Noisily taking a big gulp, she appeared completely unconcerned that her lover? boyfriend? deranged ex-boyfriend? could at any moment turn and snap her neck.

Inwardly, she was shaking.

Her nightmare showed her clearly how dangerous her love for him could’ve been and probably still was.

What to do?

Lily turned back to him. She saw Julian in the same spot—head flung back as if in terrible pain. Unspeakable sorrow drowned her at the thought of losing him once more. He wanted her to beg. Something so childish, so simple, and so twisted.

Eager to please them both, Lily had begged for him to stay tonight. She had accepted his possession and his threat of death, so great was her need for him. She truly loved Julian and would never stop.

I always beg for you. Even if I won’t admit it, every time I look at you I’m begging. I’m begging now. Please don’t make me leave you.

Please…

But she was also a liar because she loved something more.

Lily remembered the nightmare. She thought of Cynthia’s words.

“After all, you stole my life. So I’m just stealing yours…you weren’t smart enough to keep it.”

No.

I don’t care if it’s stolen. I’m not going to die again. Not for him. Not for anyone.

This was going to get resolved. No matter what happened.

“Julian?” Lily softly called to him.

He looked over at her with a dead stare.

She doesn’t care. I’m not the only one who exists for her, like she is for me. She could think to replace me with someone else when all that’s kept me alive are the thoughts of her. I’m losing Lily. Maybe I already did.

Julian’s entire body shook. Agony turned his gut. He’d never suffered such an emotion as this. Even when Lily had left, all he felt was rage and unfulfilled lust but never this kind of anguish.

A sickly smile pulled the corners of his taut mouth. He’d spent two years searching for the missing half of himself only to find it didn’t 54

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory want him back. Karmic Retribution did exist and he deserved every last bit of it.

Julian Douglas had many sins. Murder, passion, and obsession were rarely indistinguishable to him. As such, he had caused the destruction of many a mortal woman’s heart. However, never had he been so emotionally entangled in what his little obsessions had felt for another. Many of the women he had seduced loved someone else. That was part of the challenge. It was what had always drawn him towards them.

Yet, those enticements no longer applied to his Lily.

Perhaps it was because she had been the ultimate pursuit. There hadn’t another man to woo her away from. The only suitor for Lily’s heart had been the weaker, false side of himself.

Ian.

Apparently, he was going to pay for being a selfish beast.

Julian smoothed back his hair again. He walked over to the threadbare couch and settled himself, one long leg crossed over the other.

“So, do you love him?”

“What?”

“You heard me. Do you love him?”

Lily took one step before thinking better of it. Distance was always the smarter choice between them and right now she was inclined to make use of her intelligence. Positioning herself across from the brooding male, Lily answered, “No. Screwing does not equal love and almost screwing equals even less. Feel better?”

Julian inclined his head. “I do.” He patted his lap and said,

“Come here, Lily.”

“I don’t think so.” He had accepted her answer far too easily.

“Why not?”

She took a slow slide backwards. “Because I don’t want to.”

“What are you afraid of? Is it the same thing that always sent you running from me?”

Lily’s stomach clenched. “I…”

“I can smell it, you know. The fear. It’s usually intoxicating but not this time.” Julian tilted his head back slightly. “And it’s just gotten stronger. Secrets are part of what drove us apart.”

“Yours too! Not just mine!”

“Agreed. But here we are. Together. Right?”

Lily bit her lip. “Julian, I…” She turned away. She couldn’t admit this final secret. Death had followed her too long. She had to keep running.

He’s going to be the end of me. I know it. I can’t trust him. I never could, even less now that I’m just a human again. He’ll never be able to protect me. Death wants me back. I’ve cheated it too many times.

It’s coming for me and I can’t…WON’T…deal with this.

55

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

Going back to the closet, Lily slipped on her jacket and a pair of shoes. She looked over her shoulder and noted his perfect, precise positioning. Julian was so perfectly imperfect. Once, it was enough. No longer.

Julian was wrong about Daniel and right about her faithlessness.

She WAS in love with someone else—herself.

Lily had to remind herself of that, even though the idea of existing without him hurt her so badly she doubted she’d ever recover.

“Where are you going?”

“Out.” Lily never heard Julian get off the couch before she was whirled around and slammed against the door. She flinched from what she saw in his face.

It was more than cruelty. More than violence. More than hate. It was indescribable, something she’d never seen in him before.

“What are you keeping from me?”

“Nothing!”

“You’re lying!”

Lily’s terror mated with vulnerability. She wanted out. Now.

Her voice cracked as she fought to keep all emotion banished. “I’ve grown up, Julian. I do what I want, when I want. And what I want is to leave.”

He tightened his grip. “There’s something more, Lily.”

“You’re wrong.”

Julian hissed a profane curse. “Why the fuck are you still like this? Two years ago you wouldn’t tell me about Acrymydion or the priest and look what happened!”

Lily refused to cower in the face of his predatory rage. “My fate was mine, Julian.”

“Wrong! You should’ve told me! You should NOT have kept it a secret!”

“Why not? I should’ve told you so you could do what? Laugh at me? Tell me how happy you were because it saved you the trouble of killing me yourself?”

Julian snapped. Releasing her arm, he slapped her. The vivid imprint of his fingers glowed obscenely in the dark.

Lily touched her cheek. Madness flirted with betrayal. “Perfect.

You hit me for telling you the truth. And you wonder why I don’t trust you.”

Regret and sorrow tightened his jaw. He roared with guilt and punched the wall above her head. Despite the threatening gesture, he quaked with the all too familiar sensations of impotence. Julian’s azure orbs darkened with self-loathing.

She knew what I wanted. She always did because I never made it a point to not let her know. I rubbed it in Lily’s face even as I made her 56

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory scream. I’m sick. I push when I want to pull. And I won’t admit how much it hurts that she was willing to die alone before coming to me.

He released her completely before looking down blankly. Lily’s haunted gaze shimmered with words she didn’t want him to hear.

“It’s more than my betrayals, isn’t it?”

Lily remained mute, mouth locked securely.

“What has you sick with fear, darling?” he asked gently, almost loving. “What’s made you a ghost?”

She whirled away, bruised cheek pressed against the wall. Lily’s throat closed in raspy spasms. It was obvious she was trying not to vomit.

Julian touched her shoulder with the tips of his fingers. For a moment, he felt her. Excitement sped throughout his body. It was like before, when they were bonded. Then the connection flickered out.

However, it was enough for him to whisper, “There’s no hope in you, darling. None. Why?”

Lily’s resolve splintered under his kindness. “Why are you doing this?! Why won’t you leave me alone? Isn’t it enough that you broke me two years ago? Isn’t it?”

Julian bit back his initial response. She was baiting him, trying to distract his focus, and like a fool, he was all too ready to respond.

“You’re broken, but it’s not by me.”

“Of course not!” she spat over her shoulder, neatly shrugging his hand off. “It’s not YOUR fault. It’s never YOUR fault.”

Julian stepped back. Violence thrummed inside him. He couldn’t risk letting his instability to dominate him. “You’re still not answering me.”

Lily started laughing uncontrollably. The fine hairs on Julian’s neck stood to attention. Despair colored each note, making him wonder if he’d finally driven her mad. So many emotions ran through him and he couldn’t focus on any one.

What’s wrong with my darling girl? I don’t like this.

Julian had thought things were close enough to being the same.

Lily had responded to his touch like he expected her to, the way she always had before. But something was terribly wrong.

Suddenly she stopped laughing.

“Julian...you’ll never understand. You’re a god…immortal. You can’t even comprehend what’s stalking me.”

He turned her around. She didn’t bother to resist. Cupping her face, he dipped his head until it was level with hers. “Stalking you?”

Death loomed over Julian’s naked shoulder. Like always, it beckoned, shimmering and swirling with memories of borrowed time.

She slid her submissive attention back to Julian.

Maybe I should end it now. I’m just so tired.

Lily’s neck bent to the side. Her breath quickened. “Don’t you miss the way it tastes?”

57

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

“What?”

“My blood. Don’t you miss the way it tastes?”

Julian’s fangs lengthened instantly. His fingers curved dangerously into claws.

Lily noted it all. She laughed throatily. “It’s probably not as rich as it was once, but I bet it’s still good. Do you wanna taste?”

He leaned in. His nose brushed her neck, mouth open with hunger. “Why are you doing this?”

“Why AREN’T you doing this?”

Julian shuddered. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” she replied coyly.

“Don’t distract me.” Julian deliberately stepped back. “Who’s stalking you, Lily?”

She closed her eyes in frustration and pushed past him. “Pussy.”

He ignored the insult. “I don’t understand this...you.”

“What’s there to understand? I take it you got what you came for, right? We fucked. It was awesome. Let’s do it again sometime.”

“Quit trying to piss me off!”

Lily shrugged her shoulders. “Sorry.”

He let out a ragged sigh. “I’m here, darling. I’m not going anywhere. So just tell me the truth. Please.” She didn’t react. Instead, she headed for the door—oblivious or uncaring that he would never allow her to leave.

When she reached the threshold, she quietly stated, “You don’t want to drink from me. Do you think I’ll taste bad?”

He narrowed his eyes in confusion. “No.”

“Why not?” Before Julian could answer, she clarified. “Because I will.”

“Will what?”

“Taste bad.”

“Why do you say that?” he asked cautiously, unnerved by the emotionless currents drifting vacantly between them.

Lily gifted him with a tragic smile. “Because it’s true. You know what else is true? We’re not going to live happily ever after.” Her voice dropped to a brittle whisper. “You’re wrong to try to make other people think otherwise”

“Living happily ever after is such an infantile notion, Lily. Only fools like Kerrie buy that.”

Humiliation and hopelessness burned at the core of Lily’s damaged heart. “Not just Kerrie.” Giving into the devastation of her emotions, she slid down to the floor. Ugly sobs burst from her lips. All too soon she lost control and began crying as she hadn’t cried in years.

Julian’s legs buckled from Lily’s infinite sadness. Almost without thought, Julian dropped to his knees and enveloped her in a hug.

He felt her body jerk in surprise at the tenderness of the gesture.

58

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory

“Don’t cry, darling. Not for this,” he murmured while pressing countless kisses against her hair. “I told you already—you belong to me.

Eternity is ours. There is no Lily without Julian and no Julian without Lily. Isn’t that good enough?”

She wailed louder and began rocking violently. When she tried to bash her head against the door, Julian covered it with his hands. He whispered nonsensical words of endearments, hoping to soothe the anguish inside her heart. When she wouldn’t stop sobbing, he pressed his mouth against hers. Taking the jagged gasps into his body, he tasted her tears and they made him want to cry too.

“Lily...”

Julian felt that small part of him miraculously start to expand; to feel something other than just his selfish desires.

Is this what love was? Could it be?

Trailing the end of those thoughts, he felt a great internal struggle. Love? Why would he ever want to be tainted by it? It was weakness. Love had and always would be the end of all things. To love this woman was to sign his own death warrant.

Didn’t you already do that two years before? Aren’t you a target for any hot-shit vamp that wants to score a couple of brownie points for taking out the infamous Julian Douglas?

No, this was different.

Possession was his only intent when it came to Lily Walker.

Doubt slyly touched him. Already Julian felt conflicted, taking such strange joy in comforting her, even though it obviously wasn’t working. What was he doing?

I’m loving her.

Julian’s ashen features molded themselves into an exquisite mask. Only the deep blue of his eyes betrayed the maelstrom brewing beneath the surface. Love? No, he couldn’t possibly be succumbing to that insidious sentiment.

Vile weakness.

All he had to do was look at Lily and know love wasn’t for him.

No matter how badly he had treated her, and undoubtedly would continue to treat her, Lily still came back for more. She lacked pride, restraint—
power. There was no doubt he was mad for her, but Julian could never, ever love her.

We all have a purpose and a place. Time has proven to me that I’m not worthy of sustaining love, only destroying it. That’s what I do.

That’s all I am…all I’ll ever be. I won’t survive love. I’d rather be dead than know I’m in love with this pet.

Julian abruptly pulled away from Lily. Standing up, he stared at her crumpled body. He impatiently waited until her sobs subsided.

Coldly, he stated, “If you need my will and strength to destroy any who stalk you, let me know now. Otherwise, pull yourself together.”

59

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

Lily flung her hair back and stood up to face him. The room was empty and so was she. “I’d rather die than ask for your help, Julian.”

“So you are going to die, are you?” he pounced, reveling in the familiar emotions of rage and bloodlust.

“Of course I am. I’m just a girl now.”

“That’s all?”

Her shuttered gaze lit up with ghastly humor. “That’s all.”

Julian reached out to probe Lily’s mind, something he’d never been able to do before, but surely could do now. An intricate barrier of sterile walls instantly rose up to meet him. He couldn’t find one trace of emotion in her much less the trail of any secret. It was as if her mind was completely dead.

Helplessness enraged him.

I’ll make her tell me. And if she still won’t tell, I’ll make her pay.

“Okay, Lily. Keep your secrets. Shut your mouth, but don’t pout when I do this.” Dragging her protesting body over to the bed, he asked,

“You don’t want to talk and I’m not through fucking you yet, darling.

Now what do you think I should do about it?”

Lily struggled to get out of his grasp. She growled between clenched teeth, “Let go of me!”

He hurled her onto the rumpled bed before throwing himself on top of her. “Not happening, darling. I told you I’ve had two years to plan this night. You didn’t think a slap and tickle was going to satisfy me, now did you?”

Lily knew he was trying to punish her for her silence. She let out a low whine. “Julian, don’t—”

“Your ‘don’t’ doesn’t mean shit to me. You had your chance.

Take your secrets to the grave because I don’t just care anymore. I forgot what you are. You’re just a pretty doll I play with when I’m bored.”

Correctly reading the look of pain that flashed in her eyes, Julian poured more salt into the wound. “Isn’t that right?”

Snaking an arm out from under him, she attempted to deliver a right cross only to have him block it. He captured her fist and cursed it with a languorous kiss. “Nah, ah. I didn’t pull this string, poppet.”

Lily’s expressive eyes blazed. Poppet had always been his pretty euphemism for puppet. Puppet being no better than marionette or Mary, which was a common slur for Resurrectors.

“Oh, that’s good. I can feel your hate, Lily. I always did think that taking you in hate is as much fun as taking you when you’re repulsively in love with me.”

“What does it matter to me? Fucking you now would be as memorable as every other time—barely worth the memory. Get it over with, Ian.”

60

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Julian clenched his jaw as he felt the impact of her well-placed barbs. He gathered his turbulent emotions under control and smiled with such incredible sweetness. Lily’s unguarded reaction proved she was reminded of his other self.

The one she just called him out of spite.

That damnable Ian.

It seemed like his Lily was a slow learner. It was once again time to teach his little poppet a lesson. It was also time to learn something himself.

There was no place for love in a vampire’s life. Love was just a sick, dirty affair Julian needed no part of.

Not even for Lily.

61

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

CHAPTER SIX

Cruel Justifications

“Tell me something, darling,” Julian whispered with mesmerizing patience. “What do you see when you look at me?”

Lily ran pained eyes over his face. At this moment, she saw Ian.

She saw the man she had loved with pure innocence. Everything was the same. The way he felt, the way he smelled, and the way he looked.

Until Lily looked into his arctic gaze.

Those eyes were the eyes of a killer. Remorseless. Even if he never said a word, as long as she could look into his eyes, she would know. This was Julian Douglas. Not Ian.

“I see you as you really are. I see a monster.”

“Must you resort to name-calling?”

“If it fits.”

He chuckled and rubbed his pelvis against Lily, delighting in the instinctual arch of her hips. “You poor little girl. Didn’t your mommy tell you what to do when monsters come to prey on your sweet flesh?” Julian brought his mouth to her neck and delicately nibbled on the smooth column. Hearing the shallow gasps she tried to hold back, he continued to run his lips over her most sensitive spots.

Lily closed her eyes in a useless effort to shut off her body to the sensations of his beautiful mouth. “Sure she did. Especially those of the three-legged kind.”

Dark laughter tickled her ear. “Cute. And what did Mama Walker say?”

“She told me that if I ever did see a ‘monster’ to tell it that it wasn’t so big. If that didn’t make it vanish, which it usually did, but if it didn’t, she also said to tell it to go away. Go away.”

“Well, it seems that your mommy lied to you. Monsters DO
exist and they won’t go away. Ever.” He swooped up, devouring her tender mouth with vicious need.

Lily tried in vain to break away from his suffocating kiss. He quickly followed every time she moved her head. Finally she bit down on his tongue—hard.

Julian tore his mouth away from hers with a hiss. He sat up, thighs straddling her hips, and gingerly touched his injured tongue.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she asked in a honeyed tone. “Only like to dish it out?”

His eyes narrowed in fury. He yanked Lily up while simultaneously moving off of her. Shaking her by the lapels of her jacket, Julian promised, “Bitch! I’ll make you pay for that!”

“You deserve that and more for raping my mouth, you ass!”

62

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory In answer, Julian snaked an arm around her waist, trapping Lily’s arms between their bodies. His other hand held Lily’s head, fingers deeply entangled in her hair.

“So I’m an ass now, am I?”

Forced to look at him, Lily could see the towering rage reflected in Julian’s mercurial eyes. It didn’t even come close to comparing to hers. “Now? How about always?”

He leaned close. “And you’re just a little liar who whines about not being valued but who can never be honest with me. You know how I feel about lying, Lily.”

Her mouth pulled into a taut, mutinous line.

“Stubborn silence gets you more of the same, darling. You sure you want to play?”

“Are you?”

Julian tightened his fingers as warning. “Tell me what haunts you, Lily. Tell me and I make this monster go away. I won’t stop until you tell me—no matter how far we have to take this.”

Temptation unfurled like a flower before doubt crushed its infant petals. I already told him enough. If he’s too dense to get it—fuck him. “I just want my own life, Julian. That’s all.”

“You think I threaten that?”

“I know you do.”

“And that’s all? The tears, the hopelessness is all cause to you losing your freedom?”

“Yes.”

He considered her answer. His predatory gaze studied every nuance of her expression. Lily crouched motionless, afraid to give off any sign of deceit. Unfortunately, once again, fear was her total undoing.

Julian’s mouth opened slightly. With one inhalation, he immediately consumed her emotions and Lily knew. Flashing his incisors, he growled, “Okay. We’ll do it my way.” Julian brought up his free hand, claws glinting like bleached bone in the darkness.

“No!” Panic set in on Lily. She jerked back, despite the stinging in her scalp, while simultaneously pushing on his face.

Julian deftly knocked her frail hand away. He asked in a condescending tone, “You think I want to kill you? No, my darling idiot, I don’t want you dead. If you were dead, what fun would I have?”

Lily blanched before screaming, “Is that all that you think of?

My death? Do you think my existence is just some sort of game to entertain you?!”

“Yes. It is.” There was no amusement tinting his tone. Julian obviously meant every word. “But that’s not all, darling. It’s all YOU
think of. So once more—what’s stalking you? Is it the fear of dying miserable, alone, in a heap with no one to care…or something more real?”

63

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

Lily clenched her jaw. The dull pain spread into the back of her head. “Why bother asking me, Julian? Why don’t you read my mind and get it over with? Unless you already did and this is just part of your fucked up conversation skills.”

“My grace and talent with words is impeccable, poppet. So anything that is fucked up here isn’t with me.”

“You didn’t answer me.”

“No. I didn’t. How’s it feel?”

“You son of a bitch!” she spat, qualified guilt burning the edges of her ears.

“My pedigree has never been questioned, darling. Unlike yours.”

She regarded him in stony silence. “Snob.”

Julian acknowledged that one word with a dip of his head. “And then some. Now answer me. What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie. What’s wrong?”

On and on it went, like a ridiculous game played with the immature tenacity of two children. Julian met every answer Lily gave with just two words. Finally, her shoulders slumped in chagrin. “Can’t you say anything else?”

“I can but I won’t. What’s wrong?” Seeing she was prepared to give him more of the same, Julian warned unpleasantly, “I can go all night, darling. If that sun starts to come up and I still don’t hear what I want to know, I’ll just take you somewhere else where I can. Just imagine, Lily. I can keep you awake. I can make it so that all you hear is my voice. We can do this for years. I won’t tire. I won’t ever quit. I have an eternity—you on the other hand don’t.”

Lily’s face contorted at the petty and cruel reminder. The hell he doesn’t know! Fine, let’s just see how much he HASN’T changed! She screamed in cornered rage. “I’m not a Resurrector! I’m just a human!”

“Yes, you’ve made that quite clear several times.”

His calmness inflamed her further. “No! Don’t you get it? When I get cut it doesn’t heal like it did before. If I get shot I’ll die. If a car hits me I die. If I choke on a piece of food I die. No matter what I do I die!”

Julian processed her impassioned statements for a brief moment.

“Why should this bother you now, Lily? You were just as vulnerable to dying before.”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“Goddamnit, Julian! Are you just this thick or are you trying to royally piss me off? Don’t you get it yet?”

“No, I really don’t.”

64

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory

“I can’t protect myself!” she howled in humiliation. “No matter what I do I’m still only human!”

Julian digested her words, mulling them over until he smiled.

“So? I don’t hold it against you.”

“W-What?”

“Face it, poppet. You were a shitty Resurrector. It’s a wonder the Spirit even stuck it out with you as long as she did. Last I heard Vickery Hill has been very quiet since you left. No string of mass suicides, no ritualistic slayings, and they finally opened up a CVS. All in all, it’s been pretty good.”

After everything I just shared…this is what he has to say?

Lily’s face grew dark with enraged humiliation. She screamed,

“I hate you, Julian!”

He gave her head a hard shake. Dropping the false cheer, Julian growled back, “I hate you too.” He voraciously bit her neck, eliciting a terrible cry from Lily. Running his tongue along her jaw, he warned,

“Bite my tongue again and I’ll make you bleed,” before thrusting it into her mouth.

Julian’s kiss brutalized Lily until she could barely breathe. His arm crushed her against his bare chest, totally entrapping her. Long moments passed as she fought desperately for freedom. Loathing stained Julian’s mind black. But something else stained the rest of him…

Fear.

I shouldn’t have pushed so hard to know. I wish I didn’t because she’s right. There’s nothing she can do to save herself.

Julian thought of the two years Lily had been on her own. His scent spiked from fear to terror.

Something, anything, could’ve happened to her. Demons, spirits, rapists, murderers…someone like me.

Rapidly his fear-induced mental ramblings morphed into something far more frightening. Something that made Lily stop struggling as he continued to feast on her sweet mouth.

Only I can protect her. She won’t accept it—not what I have to do to keep her safe. I’ll have to cage her, clip her wings so that she can never fly. But I have to punish her first. I have to make sure she never leaves my side. I have to do this. She’ll understand…she always understands because she likes it too.

Julian slowly released her hair and body. He warily waited for her to try to bolt from the bed. Lily knelt there with breath coming out in a rapid outpouring. He waited until she finally opened her eyes.

“Still hate me?”

Jerking slightly from the frigidness of his question, she nodded her head.

“Yes?” Mirthlessly laughing, he mused, “Why am I not surprised? If anything, you are predictable, darling.”

65

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

His arm shot out to yank Lily’s jacket off. He then ripped his shirt off her body. She let out a muffled shriek when he pulled her across his lap and slipped the shoes off her feet before throwing them across the room. Julian held her down, one hand on the small of her back, and jerked her pants off. Running his hand in a mockery of a caress up her legs, he stopped at the white cotton panties that managed to flash brightly against her pale body.

“Still too pretty. Did you know that? Even as a human, you’re still too pretty.” Julian slipped his hand under the elastic band and easily ripped them off her body. “You want to leave me.” His hand came down fiercely across her bottom. “That will never happen, poppet.” He rained down a torrent of blows that quickly turned her bottom a bright cherry-red color.

“I will!”

“No.” Emotionless, Julian whispered of death even when he sought to invoke control.

“You can’t stop it.” Sobbing she pressed down against his sinewy thighs, trying to find an escape from the pain of her soul and body. She arched off his lap only to have Julian gently push her back down.

“I can do and stop whatever I want, Lily. Haven’t you figured that out yet?” Calm and soothing like water, his voice flowed over the trembling girl, willing her to believe in him when there was nothing else—even as his hand continued to rain down blow after vicious blow.

“You will not leave me. You will never, ever leave me.”

Lily began crying in great, heaving fits. It wasn’t from the physical torment, or the humiliation of being so totally subjugated, but rather the impossibility of such an arrogant belief.

I feel the empty minutes ticking away and soon enough I’ll just be a shadow. Dead. Gone. Forgotten.

Lily fell silent. She swallowed her tears, letting them become a solitary feast of selfish suffering. Pleasure was fleeting but pain meant everything. Pain proved to Lily she was alive. She wouldn’t be so shortsighted.

He’ll stop if I cry too much. I won’t be so weak. I can take it. Hit me harder, Julian. Please.

Only an occasional tremble gave any indication Lily felt the effects of Julian’s unrelenting punishment. She absorbed the blows, taking unnatural joy in the sensations they awakened. She smiled against the rumpled sheets. The musky scent of their sex tickled her nose. Lily bowed her back, pressing her cheeks against his large palm. She loved his hand, needing it to reshape her into something old.

I can still take it. If I pretend long enough, maybe I’ll be like I was.

66

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory As soon as she fashioned the thought, it damned her ephemeral fantasy. The apartment bled away and emptiness yawned before Lily.

She could see the shadows twisting in her mind becoming more than vapor figures of doom. Memories, real and feigned, grew form and Lily saw the others who had walked her path. It was in this mindset that she revisited the basic premise of her unnatural state.

Resurrectors were never meant to live past their tenure as a vessel. They died. Sometimes in the midst of combat, but more often than not, peacefully and without fanfare. In Vickery Hill, their bones scattered the bottom of Lake Lanier. In other towns across the world, their remains lay in much the same way. Lake, mountain, desert—the burial may have been symbolic but the result was all too real.

Death.

No Resurrector ever faced death and came back.

Lily had done it three times.

It’s coming for me. Death calls my name and it will never end until I follow my fate…the fate I cheated.

She severed the connection of thoughts. The room came back in a rush and Lily knew what else was coming. All sensation disappeared.

Apathy drained her body’s will, leaving Lily’s mind in a familiar state of asphyxiation. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. She never lost physical function, but she lost the ability to feel anything but empty despair. Sometimes this odd paralysis lasted only a minute. Other times a week.

And it all began when I left Vickery Hill.

Two fat tears dripped onto the bed.

Julian silently contemplated Lily’s shuddering form while he stroked her back with his fingertips. “I’m going to say something to you, poppet.” He grasped one blistering cheek, delighting in her moan, never realizing the hurt came from lack. “Will you listen?”

Docilely she answered “Y-Yes.”

“Good girl.” He massaged her bottom with gentle strokes. “Are you listening?”

“Yes.”

Julian’s uneasiness remained. Her voice carried a resonance far too old for her tender years. “I’ve grown weary of this little game of yours. It bores me. I’m willing to absolve you of all sin, Lily.” Lowering his head, he laid a wet, open-mouthed kiss onto each of her abused cheeks. “But only if you tell me the truth.”

Please, please, please let me feel this.

Lily murmured Julian’s name. This spurred him to lick her flesh, granting tiny kisses along the way. She never moved. Expecting her lack of reaction to be a result of his will, he nuzzled Lily as reward.

Lily’s body remained limp and her voice mute.

67

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

A sharp frown creased his perfect brow. He gently turned her over. He noted her ashen face with concern. “Darling?” Julian waited until she looked up. Lily’s empty stare chilled him.

Did I push too far?

Before he could fall into panic, Julian felt her stir. He watched her blink several times. A dusting of pink colored Lily’s pallor and her dark eyes lost their deathly portrait. He gathered her small form in relief and rested his chin on top of her tousled hair.

“The pain makes you malleable. Never forget why I do this,” he commanded by way of apology.

“I know.”

Something obscene raked its claws down his security, shredding his calm. “What just happened to you?”

Lily placed her hand over his chest. “Tell me why this matters so much to you.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“That’s not an answer.”

Julian growled in annoyance. “Because you’re mine. Nobody fucks with me and mine. That includes you. Now fucking tell me what the hell is wrong with you. You don’t stink of death so you’re not terminal. Is this compulsion in your head or is it real?”

Lily heard the sharp bite of his aristocratic accent despite the crude speech. “It’s very real, Julian.” Ice still coated her insides.

Although brief, Lily had gone further into that empty place than anytime before.

He can’t smell my death? Impossible. I just visited it. I’ve tried to explain it to him and he doesn’t understand. Or maybe I just don’t understand. But there’s something I CAN do…

Although Julian claimed to be tired of her game, he couldn’t stop what she was willing to set in motion. He had taught her only one way of thought.

I have to do this.

So Lily made the decision to start another dysfunctional game without her lover’s consent. A humorless smile stamped her colorless lips. Lily knew his flaws. She knew how to turn them to her advantage.

She needed Julian’s cruelty. She would push until she gained it. The agonizing pressure of love and hatred would keep her on this side of the grave. It had to.

“I want you to do something for me.”

He paused, seemingly disturbed by her smile. “What?”

“Don’t change.” Lily looked at him fully. “No matter what I do…don’t change.”

“You still didn’t answer me.”

“I know.”

68

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory

“I asked you to tell me why. I want to know everything. Don’t make me ask again.”

“You didn’t answer me either, Julian.” Lily methodically attacked one of his insecurities. “I’m not surprised though. You remember Daniel?”

He narrowed his eyes as answer.

“I still want to fuck him.”

Julian’s limbs locked into place. “You do.”

“Yes. Very much so.” She slanted him an assessing glance.

“I’ve always been the puppet in our relationship. I want my own puppet.”

“You had one. Ian.”

His gentle words belied the immense rage swimming in his azure orbs.

“Yes, I did. I miss him very much, Julian.” She reached out and brushed the backs of her fingers against his clenched jaw. “I wish you’d pretend to be him every now and then.”

Julian rudely pushed Lily off his lap. “You’re either very brave or very stupid, darling.”

“I’m neither. I’m just being honest. You wanted to know the truth and here it is—I’m going to die as a human. Who knows how long that’s going to take? Maybe next week, maybe seventy years from now. I don’t know. What I do know is I want my life the way I want it.”

“That’s a bunch of shit, Lily.”

“Wrong. You threaten my way, Julian. I want to live it up. I hate that you cheated on me. I hate that you slept around. But after two years I got it. Why stay with one person when there’s a whole world out there?”

“Then why all the whining about my affairs?”

She shrugged. “Pride.” Propping her elbow on her knee, Lily shared, “But I got over it quickly enough, didn’t I? Otherwise I wouldn’t have let you fuck me.”

Julian’s fury blinded him to the obvious. He missed the tight lines that bracketed her mouth when she lied. He missed the rigid set of her shoulders that hinted at the burden she couldn’t escape. He missed the regret overlaying her scent.

“Whore.”

Lily laughed. “What the hell, Julian? You treated me like a whore for months. Are you surprised when I finally ended up like you?”

“Bitch.”

“Very clever, my lord.” She mocked him with his title. “I think cunt is better though.”

He raised his hand in threat. He dropped it when she lifted her chin in derision. Whirling around, Julian paced back and forth. He refused to accept what Lily threw in his face. “This isn’t you.”

“Oh, you’re wrong.”

“No.”

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“Yes. Did you know why I picked Daniel? I did it because he’s weak. He worships the ground I walk on. He wants to heal my wounds.

He chases love like it’s money.” Lily’s eyes sparkled with foreign maliciousness. “I see me when I look at him. It makes me curious.”

Julian’s hand tore through his hair. “You’re lying.”

“Why can’t you get your mind around this?”

“Because you love ME!”

“So? I loved Ian and I still fucked you. Now I love you but I still want to fuck Daniel.”

Julian abruptly stopped in the midst of his pacing. He ran his unforgiving gaze over Lily’s relaxed form. She sat with her back against the iron headboard, partially covered by the rumpled sheet. A few unruly locks partially covered a plump breast, allowing only the hint of a dark nipple to peek through.

I knew it! You can’t trust women—they’re too much like men.

Only far more deceitful. Lily is the only one who’s been able to get under my guard…she’s far more dangerous to me since my long dead almost-wife Fiona. May that bitch rot in hell and this one too.

“The tears, the incessant babbling about death…what was that whole scene about?”

Stubbornness fueled Lily’s nonchalant pose. “Don’t beat yourself up over it, Julian. You knew I was lying. You just didn’t know why.”

Her sincerity reached him. He clenched his jaw several times.

“Then tell me now.”

“I had hoped you’d be so disgusted by me that you’d leave and never know.”

“Know what?”

“Know that I’ve been bit by the same bug as you.” She grinned with devastating poise. “Boredom.”

Julian’s body snapped to dangerous attention. “Explain yourself, darling.”

Lily’s ebony orbs skimmed his body with insinuation. “I expected hell when I looked into your eyes. You know what I saw? I saw the same thing I see in Daniel’s, except worse. I saw weakness and I was disgusted.”

Julian drew back, unable to mask his immediate reaction. His stomach knotted up and his chest tightened with searing agony.

“I want to pull the strings of those weaker than me, Julian. I expect those strings to belong to humans, but to belong to you? You keep asking what’s happened to me but the question I have is what the fuck happened to you? You were worth me turning myself inside and out.

Now…”

He flinched from the unspoken reproach. “You see me as weak?”

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“Yes.”

His eyes glittered. “What if I showed you otherwise?”

Lily’s harsh laughter made him swallow several times. “You asking shows that there’s nothing to show. Why don’t you leave with what little dignity you have left and leave me to my toy?”

Julian’s hatred reached up and caught him by the throat. He had the urge, no the NEED, to see Lily so thoroughly humiliated she would never think to look at another man ever again. He yearned to see her writhe in the dark pain of ecstasy.

I will break her this night.

“Come here, Lily.”

The determined gleam in his eyes did not bode well for her.

Inside she laughed in triumph. Julian couldn’t let her down when he didn’t know how much she truly needed him. There could never be room between them for the truth, but lies were entirely different.

Bring me back from the brink and keep me on this side, Julian.

“NOW before I track this Daniel down and gut him before your little eyes.”

Lily didn’t doubt Julian at all. Somehow guilt flirted with selfishness, making her wonder if she had just signed the death warrant for a very nice young man. Shame would take her later but not now. She inched her way from the headboard only to be stopped by the motion of his hand.

Voice flowing like smooth silk, Julian said, “No, Lily. I want you to crawl to me, darling. On your pretty hands and knees.” Seeing her hesitation, he barked, “Now!”

She crept off the bed. Once she was on all fours, Lily crawled slowly towards Julian. She entered a state of complete awareness with each inch she traveled.

She was aware of the chipped and scarred hardwood floor digging into her palms and knees.

She was aware of the distant ticking of a clock.

She was aware of the dull, rhythmic sound of water dripping in the kitchen sink.

But most of all, Lily was aware of how beautiful it was to feel the pain of her addiction.

I wounded him badly. He’s just as insecure as me. How could Julian ever think I’d toss him aside for someone else? I love him. I’ve always loved him. I’ll never stop loving him, even if he fucked all the women in the world. I’d beat him within an inch of his life and probably run away again, but I can’t live without Julian. It’s not possible.

Now I’ll prove it to us both.

She reached his bare feet and eagerly waited for Julian’s next command. Would he immediately force her to his twisted desires? Or would he ignore her, for hours maybe, while she knelt at his feet like 71

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some prized pet? Would she be forced to endure the pride-stripping ignobility of feeling helpless, subject to his whim and all the while naked at his feet?

Lily hoped so. Degradation didn’t matter—not if it kept her alive.

And what feet he had! They were perfectly proportioned with long, slender toes and only a sprinkling of dark hair across the smooth skin. Lily’s body grew warm when she remembered the hours spent caressing every part of his feet with lips, tongue, and sometimes her mound.

As if he had read her thoughts, Julian ordered, “Kiss them.”

Lily discarded her reckless defiance and obliged willingly. She lowered her head to brush lips over one foot and then the other. Fervently she kissed both feet, running tongue over his toes and up both ankles.

He shifted slightly, enjoying her adulation. Lily’s obvious enthusiasm surprised him, considering her scorn. However, he didn’t allow himself to take pleasure in hers. “Enough.”

He jerked his foot out in a quick kick when she didn’t immediately stop. Lily fell back on her side. He looked down at her and felt satisfaction in her ignoble fall. “When I tell you to do something, darling, I expect you to do it. Now follow me.”

Julian walked to the couch, not bothering to see if she would obey, but his hands itched with nervousness. What would he do if she laughed at him again? What if this wasn’t what she wanted? What if he HAD lost his ability to dominate along with his power over others?

She’s right. I am weak. I always have been and always will be.

When he turned around Lily was right there, as he hadn’t expected, still on all fours.

Imperiously, he ordered, “Stay,” just to see her reaction. Lily’s expression didn’t change but her body relaxed into submission. Still far from satisfied, Julian left his darling poison and went to his discarded coat. He rifled his hand in one pocket.

These always put her exactly where I wanted—at my total control.

With an exclamation of triumph, Julian dropped the coat to the floor and padded over to Lily. His lips parted to reveal a wicked grin.

“Remember these?”

Lily instantly recognized the golden objects in his hand. One of them was a wide golden collar consisting of dozens of ropes all tightly interlocked. Its large sapphire glittered in the half-light, always reminding her of Julian’s eyes. Once fitted around her neck, the sturdy golden chain, the second object dangling from his fingers, could be attached to the collar.

If he has those, then maybe he has the rest.

Lily’s face rippled with little spasms of pain.

72

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory No, he couldn’t! I broke them. I wrapped them around my stake and plunged it into his chest.

Julian dangled the dreaded pair of golden chains right in front of her face. Numbly, she stared at them.

He delighted in them so much. I did too…once.

The first one was designed to go around Lily’s waist. The second connected to the first and went between her legs. A flawless sapphire sat in each tiny link, resulting in hundreds of priceless stones all staring at Lily in reproach. The last time she had seen them they weren’t stunning blue but black, stained with Julian’s borrowed blood.

I should’ve known a little bit of gore and a whole lot of pain wouldn’t be enough to get these thrown away.

“I see you haven’t forgotten your presents. They looked so...decadent…on you.” Musing out loud, while studying the body chain, he said, “You’ll never believe what this cost to have it repaired. Even though I thought I was getting cheated, I had to have it fixed.”

“Really, you shouldn’t have.” Lily’s soft reply inspired Julian’s black brow to arch sharply. Surprisingly, he remained silent.

Controlled by a hidden clasp, the length could be adjusted according to Julian’s whim. Lily remembered how it’d rub and tease her unmercifully if there wasn’t any slack on the chain. Oftentimes, Julian would let it hang low, knowing Lily would be forced to wear longer, more concealing clothes in order to keep others from seeing the chain.

Lily alternately loved and loathed these pretty baubles. She loathed what they stood for, but she loved that Julian could touch her no matter where she was, if only through his gift.

He doesn’t need these to touch me, but I need them to touch him.

Julian crouched by her side. He brushed the chains across her nipples, teasing them so very gently. “I’ve kept these on my body for two years, Lily. I don’t go anywhere without them.”

She let her eyes drift shut. “Did you think of me?”

“Always.”

“How long before you washed the blood off?”

Julian’s hand paused in its seductive ministrations. “A year.”

“Why so long?”

He blew in her ear. “Because I wanted it to be a reminder. I wanted to remember how you staked me.” He smirked coldly. “I never wanted to forget that you’re poison, Lily. A filthy, disgusting poison.”

She jerked forward, obviously bothered by his judgment. “So what happened?”

He closed his fist and pulled the chains away. “Jeweler got squeamish. Said he couldn’t work with such conditions.”

“The blood should’ve flaked away.”

“Not mine. It was perfectly bloody.” Julian snapped his fingers in a familiar gesture. Lily obeyed, rising to let him fasten the chains 73

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around her. Julian sadistically left very little slack. Every movement would soon have Lily aroused to an unbearable pitch.

“You’re very sick.” She referred to more than the punishment he had subjected on her.

“I know, darling.” Her submission calmed him like the first hit did an addict. He laughed in glee. “You instigate that in me. Don’t complain.” Stepping away from her, Julian surveyed the erotic vision before him. The chain emphasized her waist and the sight of the chain bisecting Lily’s mound brought a surge of lust to his body. His overly-bright gaze bored into her pussy. The sight of sapphires twinkling amidst her black curls was one he’d always enjoyed and hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing in far too long.

Lily swayed. Dread and languor sparred for dominance.

“Don’t faint on me, girl. You’ll make me very cross if I have to scrape you off the floor.”

Her mouth parted. The urge to kiss Julian overtook Lily. She craved his harshness. It was unhealthy. It was sick. Lily understood that in the recesses of her logic. But like always—nothing mattered but staying alive long enough to play these games with Julian. Pain blurred the edges of love until neither could be distinguished from the other.

I still love you so much—as much as I still hate you.

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. Sanity whispered in her ear. Surely there was another way to interact with this vampire.

Yet, something beyond self-recrimination stirred within her veins. The air teased her flesh, coaxing it to plead for Julian’s tainted caresses. Lily’s back bowed. She pushed her breasts up in mute entreaty.

She forgot her goal in pursuit of something far more instinctive.

Julian watched the flush creep up her body. He fitted the collar around her slim neck before attaching the chain. “I know a secret.”

“What?” Lily asked sharply.

He rushed her, never touching her with any part of his body except his lips. They skimmed Lily’s damp cheek before lighting upon her eyes.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“Really, really?”

Lily hissed an affirmative.

Julian tilted his head to a rakish angle. His hand whipped out and slapped her hip. “Your tone is not pleasing, darling. You know what I expect.”

Lily bit her lip. “Forgive me.”

“Forgive me what?”

Her cheeks bloomed to fiery red. “Forgive me, my lord.”

Julian dipped his head and tasted her. Lily’s face puckered in an expression of uncontrollable yearning. He didn’t know how long she’d 74

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory submit to this whim. He had never known—which was why she still terrified him.

But I still want every last bit of her. I want her so much I can barely keep from eating her.

Julian moaned when she bit his lip. “Ah! Very good, my darling, little girl,” he praised between kisses. Julian curled his fingers, forcing them to stay in place. He nuzzled her cheek and whispered, “I killed him.”

“Who?”

“The jeweler.”

“Why?”

Julian heard the empty ring in her voice. He smiled. Let her be reminded that she belonged to evil. Besides she didn’t need to know the pervert liked to touch little boys...

“Because I wanted to.”

Pain glazed her eyes. Lily felt sick. To know that the last human that touched this was murdered by her lover...

This is what he does. This is who he is. How can you look to HIM, a dealer of death, to keep you ALIVE?

Seeing the grimace twisting her features, Julian stated cheerfully, “Don’t feel too bad for him, Lily. He was already old and didn’t suffer...too much.”

“You disgust me! I hate you! I hate it when you touch me—”

His hand shot out and backhanded her. Something akin to pain skimmed across the surface of his broken mind. I knew this wouldn’t last long. “Hate away, poppet.” Julian jerked the chain down. Lily fell to the ground with a sob. “Just don’t lie to me and NEVER lie to yourself.”

Lily remained on all fours.

Continuing as if nothing untoward had happened, and as if his gut wasn’t roiling from her intolerable words, he stated pleasantly, “I know it’s been two years since your training but I trust you haven’t forgotten everything.”

He waited for an embittered reply.

She said nothing.

Just like always. I’ve never really known what was on her mind.

Julian strolled to the tiny bathroom, torn between praying for rebellion and dreading the results. Lily, however, kept reluctant pace next to his leg. Julian stopped at the threshold.

His vivid gaze darkened as he remembered another bathroom in another life. He and Lily had spent many, many hours frolicking in his lake house’s ridiculously large bathing pool and shower. They had also spent hours watching the fish play in the room’s koi pond.

Lily liked that so much. So did I.

Now it was gone. The house was nothing but a pile of burnt timbers and ash. The pretty fish she had loved feeding so much—dead.

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Look at how far we’ve fallen.

Without changing the inflection of his gentle tone, Julian ordered, “Draw a bath and make it hot.” Hot enough to make me pretend nothing’s changed at all.

He leaned against the doorjamb. The leash fell to the ugly linoleum floor, whispering false promises of freedom. Lily glanced at the shimmering rope before firmly turning away. She kept her posture—head bowed, back arched—and proceeded to obey her cruel, fickle lover.

Never guessing at the torment lying beneath his careful façade, only mindful of her own…

Julian observed Lily prepare their bath. Although her movements never faltered, he could see the tremors of embarrassment shake her naked frame. His will hardened against her.

Lily broke the rules.

She let her heart and legs open for someone else.

She scorned him for almost letting his heart open to hers.

She called him weak.

She laughed at him.

She would pay.

Mentioning the jeweler didn’t put his Resurrector in the most receptive mood, but it served a purpose. It proved HE was the stronger of the two. Julian’s temporary insanity with loving Lily would vanish.

It had to.

He’d hurt her tonight, not only physically but mentally and emotionally. He’d strip away any and every barrier she chose to put up.

He’d force her to bare her heart and soul to him. Then he’d ruthlessly crush them and, in the process, crush her.

Julian was willing to destroy Lily, if only to make her see the truth.

She loves me. She’ll die loving me. She knows it. I just have to make her remember.

It was better for both of them this way.

When Lily turned to him with a box of Mr. Bubbles in her hand, he nodded his head to her unspoken question.

Bubbles. Of course. One of her childish preferences.

Soon the small tub was frothing with innocent joy. Julian pushed away from the door. Agitation took control of him as well as fear.

These games felt wrong. They weren’t the same.

“Undress me,” he fairly growled in sudden anger. “Be quick about it.”

Lily crawled a few feet until she settled at his feet. She reached up and her nimble fingers quickly had his pants unbuttoned. She tugged his waist down, ready for his erection to pop her in the cheek as it always had before.

Instead, Julian was quite flaccid.

76

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Lily’s eyes widened with shock. Quickly looking up, Lily caught Julian’s dark look, which caused her to jerk her head away. She predictably saw his state as her failing, never noting the embarrassment in Julian that declared otherwise. Lily pulled the pants down his legs until they met his ankles. She rested her face against his cool, sinewy thigh for a brief moment.

He doesn’t want me. Maybe I pushed too far with Daniel?

Maybe? How about yes? I always push too far and cry when I get my way.

Julian was everything in the world that he wasn’t supposed to be. He was her salvation. He was her heart manifested in physical form.

He was her obsession. He was the other side of herself she could never accept.

Lily loved and hated Julian in unstable levels. Her hatred and her love were living things unto themselves. Every part of Lily’s body responded to Julian in a way that was illogical, but powerful in its insanity.

Rationally she knew that she shouldn’t be playing these games with him, but she couldn’t stop.

I couldn’t let him go before. Now I can’t let myself go.

Lily’s reverie was broken by a rude jerk of the chain. She pulled her face away and finished her task. Once completely nude, Julian climbed in and sank into the hot, bubbly water. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the white tiles. “Bathe me.”

Lily reached over for the soap. He stopped her by clamping his hand on her wrist. “No. I want you in here with me.”

“But the water—”

“Lily, goddamnit!” Julian roared in rage. His eyes flew open in time to see her flinch violently. Her fear didn’t appease his anger. It only disturbed Julian further. He lowered his voice to a falsely gentle cadence.

“Don’t make me ask you again.”

Lily climbed into the tub carefully. Julian always liked his water scalding. The temperature never bothered her before but she knew it burned like hell now. Sharp pain shot up both her legs. She hissed while rapidly stepping from one foot to another.

Noticing her discomfort, he murmured, “I forget how delicate humans can be.”

Lily heard the unspoken. “I forget how human you are now.” It enraged her.

“I would allow you to leave but then I’d hardly be the type of master you crave, would I?”

She summoned her pride and smiled. The mocking grin was not lost on either of them. “I’m fine, my lord. You bless me with your concern.” Lily settled on his lower abs and damned the agony burning her alive. She concentrated on something other than her severe 77

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discomfort by gathering the bar of soap and rolling it in her hands until they were fully lathered. She first started with his chest, sensuously kneading the muscles and feeling every inch of his torso.

As always, Lily found a way to deal with her pain.

Her eyes drifted shut. The terrible burning migrated elsewhere, becoming languorously delicious, as she caressed and massaged him.

Julian’s skin had lost its customary coolness and felt human. She allowed herself to daydream and imagine what it’d be like if Julian had changed too. What if he wasn’t a vampire but a human? What if he were capable of kinder emotions? What if he loved her like she loved him?

Unbeknownst to her, Julian continued to watch her for several moments. The feline look of pleasure had transformed to tremulous joy.

What was she thinking? What would cause Lily to look so happy? His eyes lowered to watch her small hands. They had stopped their circular, kneading motions instead to alternately lay palm up and palm down on his chest. It was as if she were feeling the warmth of his skin...

His eyes took on a flinty cast as he surmised what she was thinking about. Julian dipped his hand into the water and flung a large amount of it at her face. She reared back sputtering, brown eyes narrowed with outrage.

“There was a time you liked my skin, darling. Now you favor your own kind, eh?”

She opened her mouth to dispute it before remembering the words she had uttered to lead them here.

“So? I loved Ian and I still fucked you. Now I love you but I still want to fuck Daniel.”

What was there to say? Any denials were useless when she already did such a marvelous job of convincing Julian. Lily grabbed the soap again and briskly soaped one arm before starting on the other. She flinched when her fingers encountered the chain in his hand.

Noting her reaction, Julian smiled. He reached out with his other hand and began to caress her collar. His long fingers played over the surface of the jewel. Beauty was his weakness. He’d always been a collector of beautiful things and Lily Walker had to be the most exquisite thing he had ever owned.

Owned? No, tried to own.

I hate her fucking guts. Why does she do this me? Why can’t she just be happy with me?!

Lily felt so vulnerable sitting on him, naked except for the jewelry and his terrible stare. Julian drank in her movements, but she couldn’t tell if he felt pleasure being bathed like a hedonistic aristocrat.

Oh, but I feel it so much.

Her pussy rubbed against his taut stomach with every caress of her hands. Lily’s thighs trembled. Several beads of sweat ran down her chest. She wished he’d lick them off.

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“Tell me again. Why did you leave?”

Her hands stilled in the task of washing his neck. “I thought I made it more than clear to you. I hated being so dependent on this—”

Julian impatiently broke in. “You hated being my slave, you hated being so weak, yeah, I got the point.” Eyes boring into hers he asked, “Did you try to eradicate all things vampire, including myself, that night in Vickery Hill solely because of the other playthings in my life?

Or because of what I didn’t say or do?”

Lily’s vulnerability was written all too clearly on her face. She refused to answer his last question. Instead she latched onto something safer. “Playthings? That’s what they were? That’s what I am?” She twisted with sick fury. “I had enough of you treating me like shit. It was time for me to start doing my job.”

“Job.” He whispered the word like a dirty curse.

“Yes, job. Exterminating all who threatened Vickery Hill and her people.”

Julian idly ran a hand around her breasts. He cupped and kneaded them, delighting in the feel of her hard nipples against his palm.

“We were supposed to meet again that night but instead of reasonable reconciliation I got a stake in my fucking chest.”

“It’s only fair, Julian. You might as well have staked me in my heart first.”

“Do you know how old I am?” He didn’t give her the opportunity to answer. “I’m three hundred and thirty-seven years old.

How old are you now? Twenty-one? I’ve slept longer than the last three generations of your family have been alive.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is that I’ve had many amours, Lily. Too many for most men to count. But I remember every single one of them. I remember their names. I remember their passion and I remember what made them cry. And you know what I’ve learned?”

She stilled. Her heart functioned in staccato beats.

“You like being treated like shit, poppet. In fact, I’ve never had the pleasure of dallying with a mortal who takes it so well like you do.

You only come alive when you’re at my feet begging for more.”

Tears gathered in her eyes. Lily did like being treated badly. Not on the surface level, but deep inside. Maybe it was because she came from a broken home. Maybe it was because she was always expected to do the right thing. Or maybe it was because she had become the Resurrector at such an early age. Whatever it was, she desired and needed to be broken down, to be molded into whatever image Julian wanted.

And she absolutely hated it.

Lily drew back her arm and slapped his smug face—hard.

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“Don’t fucking compare me to your women, you fucking asshole!”

Julian immediately slapped her back, much harder than she had slapped him. The side of Lily’s head crashed against the wall. He sat forward abruptly and water sloshed out onto the floor. Julian wrapped his hands around her neck and squeezed with just enough pressure to make her scent spike with alarm.

“Then why are you punishing me, Lily? Why are you always fucking punishing me for who I am? I was born a vampire! Do you think I chose to have my mind broken by a Nephilim torturer? Do you think I like being this way? I wanted a family once! I wanted to be a better father than the one I had! I loved my mother! I loved too, Lily!”

She clawed at his hands. His screams tore through her.

“Never…me.”

Julian jerked her forward, hands still wrapped cruelly. “Promise me forever, Lily. Promise me and we can stop. Please…I want to stop.”

Lily’s ears throbbed. She could hear the blood fighting to reach her brain. She forgot the objection of her lies and croaked what he wouldn’t admit. “NO! I deserve to have...a man who wants...just me...if not you then someone...else...”

Growling, Julian tightened his hold and dunked her under the water. Lily’s legs and arms splashed helplessly before he brought her up again. Julian abandoned his grip from around her neck. He shook her violently and roared, “SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU! YOU WILL NEVER BE WITH ANYONE ELSE!

EVER!”

Julian flung her away from him. He watched dispassionately as she coughed and wheezed for breath. “You will never leave me. Dead first, darling. Dead first.”

Lily leaned heavily against the side of the tub, desperately trying to draw in breath. The black spots dancing in her vision subsided. Soon she was able to draw in enough oxygen to her tortured lungs. Hair plastered her bruised face. Lily winced when she ran her fingers across her scalp to pull it off her cheek.

“Bastard. I pray for the night you turn your back on me.” Lily broke into a hacking cough, grasping the side of the tub harder.

Julian lifted her until she straddled him again. He ran his hands tenderly over her back. He inched her forward until Lily’s neck was close to his mouth, caring, but never enough, that she struggled against him.

“Don’t you see how perfectly you belong to me? Don’t you feel the passion between us?” He delicately kissed the abused flesh. “When will you forgive?”

Dragging in a shaky breath, she whispered, “I don’t know how.”

He bit her abraded skin and ignored her hiss of pain. “Neither do I.”

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“So what will we do? I can’t forgive you for being a whore and you want me happy just being one of yours.”

“Like I told you before, you’re MY whore. There’s a difference.” Moving his lips to her soft nipples, he flicked his tongue around them a few times before they pebbled in his mouth. He soaked in her delightful cries of pleasure as he bit and licked her lush breasts.

“Why are you trying to take everything away from—”

He pressed his lips against her. “I’m trying to give you the world. You just keep closing her eyes when I do.”

Losing herself in the magic of his mouth, she gasped, “Julian, you can’t give me what I need—” Lily cried out when dipped down to ferociously bite both nipples.

“Say you love me.”

“I don’t!”

“Say it.”

“I can’t!”

“Say you’ll die without me.”

“It’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. It’s true because I see the truth.”

Lily’s hands tightened on his shoulders. She found herself crying, “What?”

“That you’re already dead. You’re rotting away each second that passes and you hate me because I’ll outlive you. You’d rather see me ash before that happens. Isn’t that right?”

Lily held his triumphant gaze. Hers gleamed brightly with something akin to affectionate loathing. He had just found her secret darkness once again. “Yes!”

Being an expert at human suffering, Julian could see the self-contempt rising within her. She was probably wondering how she could accept an animal such as himself pointing out which should never see the light of day. While a tiny, disgusting part of him balked at his cruelty, it wasn’t strong enough to change his course.

They had damned themselves to this path two years before in a cemetery by the lake.

“Given the chance, if you found me with another, would you see me die?”

“Yes.”

“Would you make me pay?”

“Yes.” The answers were robotic. Lily was nothing more than the puppet with her vampire master pulling at the strings of suffering and wisdom.

“Do you want me to live past your death?”

“No.”

“Do you want to live to be an old woman?”

“No.”

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“Do you want to die young?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to die with me?”

“Yes.”

“Will you keep pushing me until I break?”

“Yes.”

“Will you ever stop, poppet?”

“No. Never.”

“Do you want me to?”

Lily swayed forward. Her neck burned as the sweat soaked into the broken skin. She watched his exquisite face splinter into quiet madness. Then she wondered if it he wasn’t the one insane but rather her.

“Yes.”

“When?”

“When it all ends.”

She started to shake. Her mouth gaped open. With sticky hair, fevered coal gaze, white skin and whiter mouth, Lily had never looked lovelier to Julian. “Kiss me.”

She stared into his eyes. All she could see was a tiny reflection of herself. That’s how she felt. Tiny, insignificant, and dirty.

Leaning forward, Lily pressed her lips ever so softly upon his hard, unyielding mouth. She traced his lips with the tip of her tongue until his mouth opened. Groaning, she gripped his wide shoulders tightly and began to rub her sensitive breasts against his chest.

Desire pounded fiercely through her body. She ached to have him touch her everywhere. She ached to have him soothe her pain. She needed to lose herself in their passion.

Yet, Julian wouldn’t touch her with his hands.

He only played with the golden leash. The quiet clinking of the metal slid through his fingers, audible reminders of what she was to him.

“Julian...Julian...”

She desperately kissed his strong jaw, his temple, his eyes, and his neck, always returning back to his lovely mouth. The heated coursing of her need pounded her body without mercy. Every kiss she placed fanned her lust. Every movement she made caused the chain to slide against her clit.

Julian shared the frenzy overtaking Lily’s body. His purposeful coldness inflamed her like he hoped it would. Lily’s short nails dug into his shoulders while she panted and mewled against his neck. When she bit down, he had to clench his jaw from letting out a grunt of ecstasy.

He could see that her passion was not just born out of sexual desire but also out of the desire to forget his words, to forget what he had discovered about her.

But demon that he was, Julian could not let Lily forget.

“Will you kiss me like this when you kill me?”

82

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Lily scooted a little further down his body and began to rain kisses on his sleekly muscled chest. She felt his erection and howled with wanton joy.

“Will you scream like that when you poison me with your pretty death?”

His words were little sonnets of adoration. His gravely voice sang to her inner demon.

“Will you tell me when it’s coming? Or will you just wait until I sleep?”

She sucked his nipples greedily and began to bounce against him. She delighted in feeling his shaft rub against her tiny, puckered hole. It had been so long since he introduced her to that wicked way of loving...

Lily slid down a little further and lifted her hips to impale herself on his cock. Just when his smooth head pierced her, his hands gripped her waist and stopped their joining. Lily tried to force herself down on him, but his grip refused to humor her whim.

Julian made a tsking noise. “Is this how you’ll do it? Will you fuck me, make me scream, before sending me to hell?”

“I love you,” she gasped while pushing down.

Julian acknowledged her pledge with a reckless grin. “I kill myself a little bit more every time I go here.” He looked at her hungry, secret mouth. “When you do it, do it like a whore would. Listen to your blood and do it like Lucrezia. With no regrets.”

Knowing she shouldn’t be shocked at his cruelty, she still recoiled from Julian’s words. Shaking her head, Lily tried to ignore the feeling of him inside her.

“My dangerous, poisonous bitch. I can’t escape you so say it, Lily. Say ‘I’m—your—whore’.” Julian lifted her up and down only minutely, but enough that she began to pant with desire.

Her tattered pride bled. “I’m...your...WHORE!” Her whisper ended with a shout when Julian impaled her on his shaft. The pain in her heart grew along with her sexual desire as Julian continued to torment her.

“Promise it, Lily. Promise me. Promise you’ll do it like a whore.”

“Yes,” she moaned in great, jagged gasps.

“Will you be my whore, Lily?” He asked her so sweetly, so lovingly, as if he wasn’t breaking her heart.

“I already am…AH!”

“That’s right. MY whore. A whore with no morals or regrets...”

Twisting both of her nipples until she cried out from addictive pain, he grunted, “You like being my little whore, Lily?”

She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed, “No. I hate it.”

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Julian jerked her leash down until their lips were less than an inch apart. “Liar. Admit it—you love being my whore, bitch, or whatever I choose to make you. That way you can blame me for letting you be yourself.” Not giving her a chance to deny it, he captured her lips and began to devour her bruised mouth.

Their hips frantically churned against each other as they both fell to their destructive passion. Lily rode Julian as furiously as Julian pumped into Lily. Water splashed out of the tub to soak the floor as their cries grew to intensity.

Julian suddenly stood up. Lily wrapped her arms and legs around his torso. Expecting him to step out of the tub, she was surprised to feel her body crash against cold tiles.

Julian moved his arms down and hooked a leg on each forearm.

Savagely, he pounded into her body, filling Lily with his special brand of pain and pleasure. He dug the chains deeper against her with each slam of his hips.

Lily clutched the back of his head. She began to cry as the sensations became too intense. This only seemed to incite Julian to double his efforts. He lifted and pulled her against him as if her tears meant nothing.

The pain outweighed the pleasure in no time at all. “Julian, stop.

You’re hurting me.” When he didn’t respond, she began to beat at his shoulders. “Stop it, damn you!”

His body never faltered. Relentlessly, he sawed in and out of her relishing in her sobs of anguish. “Will you do it now, Lily? Will you end it for us now? Will you behead me both ways?”

Lily finally broke. All his empty poetry led to this moment. “It was only a game!” she screamed. “I never meant any of it! Daniel never meant anything! I wanted you to hurt me because it’s the only time I feel alive! I don’t want to die! And I know I’m dying, Julian! Something is killing me from the inside! I don’t know what it is but I’m just numb! I can’t feel anything! I’m so scared! Please, Julian! Please help —”

Julian pulled out of Lily and tossed her onto the floor. In a flash, he straddled her face and pried her mouth open. He shoved his cock into her warm mouth and thrust his hips back and forth. He fucked her lovely mouth, delighting over the sounds of her gagging and muffled tears.

“You are just a toy, a toy I paid for with blood.” Use this mouth to lie to me and this is what you get. You are NOT dying.

Each word was punctuated by a thrust.

“You’re just a pretty whore to me, Lily. Just...a...fuck...” Julian inhaled sharply before shouting out his climax. His kept his hand on her jaw and forced Lily to swallow all his come.

Once finished, he got off her. Leaning against the toilet, Julian watched her curl into a ball. “You are nothing more than a fuck to me, poppet. Don’t ever think you mean more than that.” In this moment, he 84

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory believed it and was willing to damn them both for such a wretched lie.

“Don’t you ever try to manipulate me like this again. Understand?”

Lily’s soft sobs echoed in the small bathroom. She felt so sick.

So dirty and used.

The sticky taste of his semen wouldn’t go away, no matter how hard she swallowed. It was so horrible to feel so degraded, to allow oneself to be so degraded. She had courted this devil to make her feel and now she was left in pieces.

I bared my soul to him just so he could break my heart.

Lily never wanted look into his face again. She didn’t want to see the malicious glee burning in his haunting eyes. She didn’t want to see him ever again. Without thinking, she got up to run. An excruciating yank brought Lily short. Turning around, she saw the golden glimmer he held in his hand.

Something finally snapped in her. Immediately, she fell upon Julian with tiny fists. She banged his head against the toilet several times.

She kept her lips pressed tightly, refusing to say a word while she beat him to death.

Julian didn’t fight back for many minutes. He allowed Lily to vent her anger until he had enough. His first light blow made little impression on her, but after several hits to her midsection, he had Lily bent over in excruciating agony.

Julian pulled her up by her damp hair. “I didn’t want to hurt you, darling.”

“Liar. I’ve never hated you as much as I do now,” Lily coldly stated between gasps.

“Remember that when the time comes,” Julian ordered softly.

He picked up her unresisting body with gentle hands and held her securely against his chest. Julian knew when to torment and when to cease. It was now time to switch to another tactic.

“I’m not your whore, Julian. Not anymore.”

“Remember that when the time comes.” He walked out of the bathroom, already dreading what he would do to Lily next.

All the while trying to ignore the screams in his head.

“I’m so scared! Please, Julian! Please help —”

85

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CHAPTER SEVEN

Fragility

Julian laid Lily down on the couch. He then strode over to the bed, picked up a pillow, and yanked off a sheet. Coming back to her, he wrapped Lily’s pliant body securely and propped her up against the pillow. Julian crouched on eye-level. “Are you hungry?”

Lily stared at him incredulously before rolling over to face away from him. Undeterred, he just moved to that side of the couch and repeated his question. She shifted to her back in numb exasperation.

Julian simply leaned over.

“Lily, don’t be childish. You need to eat.”

“Why? So that I’ll be up to strength when you beat up on me again? Go to hell.”

Julian made a sound comparable to a heavy sigh. He moved away from the couch and went into the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, he saw it was pretty much empty except for a couple of sodas, a jug of water, and a head of lettuce.

“No wonder you’re so fucking thin,” he muttered in disgust.

Julian had slightly more luck while rummaging through the cabinets.

Finding the can opener, he opened up a can of vegetable soup, grimacing slightly at its congealed appearance. “Lily, where’s a pot for this?”

Silence greeted him with poisoned indifference.

“Fine, I’ll find them myself,” he called out pleasantly. Unease stroked the back of his neck, but he stubbornly ignored it. Another cabinet revealed the dented piece of metal that passed for a soup pan.

Dumping the contents into the pot, he set it on the tiny stove and…waited.

Damn! I knew this cooking food business couldn’t be that easy!

Okay, how hard can this be? There’s a button or switch that turns this thing on. Where is it?

He looked at the top of the stove and only saw a clock that was missing a hand. Looking below...he found it!

Proudly turning the knob, Julian waited for the smell of cooking food. After several moments he did smell something, only it wasn’t veggie soup.

Lily’s voice drifted towards him. “It’s a gas stove, Julian,” she pointed out dryly. “You need to light a match to turn it on. Dumb ass.”

Julian felt a rare prickle of embarrassment. “I knew that. I just couldn’t find them.” He spotted a small box of matches. Quickly lighting one, he brought the small flame close to the burner. A much larger flame jumped up suddenly and burned his hand.

“SHIT!”

“Turn down the burner, Einstein.”

86

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Julian clutched his wounded limb and glared in her direction only to see Lily wasn’t even looking over at him. Gripping the knob, he turned it down only to have turned the stove off completely.

Goddamn this fucking pain-in-the-ass piece of shit stove!!

The humiliated vampire clenched his jaw tightly. He lit another match and turned on the knob—gently. Bringing the little flame towards the burner, he turned his face away, grimly expecting hellfire. Instead, Julian heard a hiss and nothing else.

He braved a cautionary glance at the stove. It looked like what he assumed it was supposed to look like. The smell of soup permeated the air and it was done none too soon for his liking. Picking up a bowl and spoon from the dish rack, Julian poured the soup and carried it over to the couch. He sat on the floor with legs crossed. “Here, darling, I made it just for you.”

Not bothering to look at him, she stated, “I don’t want it.”

He patiently spoke to Lily as if she were a recalcitrant child.

“Darling, don’t be stubborn. You need to eat. Here, I’ll even feed it to you.”

Lily turned her head slightly and speared him with a frigid glare.

“I don’t want to eat.” She resumed her solitary pose of before.

“I won’t leave you alone until you eat it.”

The sweetness of his reply infuriated her. “Ha! Like that’s any surprise! You won’t leave me alone period. So why should I think that you’ll leave me alone over the lousy soup?” Lily rolled over and sat up to face him again. Her drawn and tight features displayed the biting anger in her tone all too clearly. “Drop the act, Julian. I don’t need this shit!”

Impatience gnawed at him, but he suppressed the urge to force the soup down her stubborn, little throat. “Please, Lily. Eat. How many times will you get to have me as your nursemaid? I suggest you take advantage of it.”

“You’re the reason I need a nursemaid in the first place! I don’t want you and I don’t want your fucking soup!”

“Goddamnit! I just went through Hell to make this for you and you damned well better eat it!” He lifted up a spoonful and held it front of her mouth, silently waiting in this war of wills.

“Blow it first.”

“Excuse me?”

Lily couldn’t summon the ability to find humor in his offended outrage. “Blow on the soup first. It’s too hot.” She watched as he complied with her request. Several moments of tense silence passed before Lily sullenly opened her mouth. The warm liquid slid down her throat, cleansing the taste of his semen. One spoonful became two, and then three, as she slurped down each as quickly as he brought it up. Lily didn’t even realize how hungry she was until now.

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Neither of them spoke. Both were just content to do their separate tasks of feeding and eating. Julian eventually lifted the last spoonful and waited for her to swallow before asking if she was thirsty.

Lily shook her head. She graced him with a vicious glare when he asked again.

Julian got up with another sigh. Picking up the empty bowl, he took it into the kitchen. The morose vampire looked over at Lily. She looked so tiny and fragile. So broken.

Did I go too far?

Something inside him rebelled. Oh, hell! What now? Was he supposed to feel guilty for screwing his woman the way they both liked it? He’s a fucking vampire! It’s what he does! It’s what his purpose for being is supposed to be! Why should he feel guilty?

I’m EVIL. I may have certain passions like a human but I am NOT a human. I’m a dirty pureblood who happens to have an unexplainable attachment to a mortal, scratch that, a Resurrector-reject, but I’m still me. She fucking asked for it by playing little head games like that. Bitch. Besides, I’ve done worse.

He passed an elegant hand across his brow. He had done worse.

Much, much worse. So why were Lily’s screams still echoing in his head?

“Something is killing me from the inside! I don’t know what it is but I’m just numb!”

Julian was tired. Tired of all the bullshit and tired of his ego.

Standing alone in Lily’s tiny kitchen, he could see the futility of his actions. Stupid games, stupid lies, and stupid actions borne from a stupider creature who should’ve known when to give up the ghost.

Ghost.

Julian believed he finally felt an inkling of what Lily must’ve felt when his weaker side disappeared. Lily was now his ghost. He already knew it as soon as he saw her dancing tonight. Lily Walker died once upon a time—only Julian Douglas was too blind to see it.

She feels numb because she’s just like them now—mortal and weak. As a Resurrector, the constant adrenaline rush and power gave Lily omnipotence and a higher connection with life. But she’s a husk now. Her spirit is flirting with the other side, looking for a way out of this prison. There’s a reason retired Resurrectors don’t live long.

They can’t.

Julian now suffered a malady unwanted by him but all too familiar.

I’ll outlive Lily.

He kept his sight trained on the woman-child slumped on the couch. The three words recycled through his mind.

I’ll outlive Lily. I’ll outlive Lily. I’ll outlive Lily.

88

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory The irony didn’t escape Julian. Even if he didn’t want to acknowledge Ian’s presence—choosing to think of that pathetic personality as one born of madness at the hands of a fanatical, torturing priest—Julian couldn’t shut out his memories. Those three words had haunted Ian long before he ever had hope of Lily growing old enough to return his affections.

And now they had found another host to possess.

Even though I can’t smell death on her, doesn’t mean she’s safe.

It’s not her body dying. It’s her spirit.

Julian dumped the forgotten bowl into the sink.

I’ll outlive Lily and there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it.

So what DO I do?

He could bury his discontent by focusing on the present task at hand—breaking Lily. It would be easy. After all, he had already reduced her to feeling like a whore. She now hated both of them; him for the obvious and herself for not being able to stop it. He could continue the degradation, proving that Lily would always be nothing more than his pretty toy.

So why did it feel empty? Why couldn’t he feel the anticipation he always would before?

Because she’s right—it’s not the same. And I’m an idiot.

Julian stalked over to the couch, determined to concentrate on the challenge of Lily Walker. He forced himself to school his features into a pleasant mask as he sat back down on the floor. Lily didn’t even acknowledge his presence. Julian reached out to stroke her hair only to stop in mid-action.

“Don’t touch me.”

He drew back his hand and let it fall to his knee. “All right, Lily.

Will you look at me?”

Lily kept her eyes closed. She didn’t want to hear or speak to him.

“Darling, at least talk to me. You know how persistent I can be.

You might as well give in.”

“Give in? Isn’t that what I always do for you? Whether I give in or not, you’ll still carry out whatever twisted plan you have for me. So just do it or leave me alone.”

He winced at her dull tone. “You know I won’t do that. I CAN’T leave you alone. So don’t even ask it of me.”

Lily sat up and looked at him. Her soul’s sadness peered out from beneath the shadows of her obsidian stare. “Why can’t you? Is it because you need to prove to yourself how beneath you I am?”

Julian once again reached a hand towards her head. He hesitatingly placed it on her hair. When she didn’t move away, he began to run his fingers through the tangled, black locks. “I want and need you 89

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN
because you’re you.” He sidestepped her last question and they both knew it.

“But I’m still beneath you, aren’t I?” Lily asked sadly. “And not just because I’m human. I was just as much garbage when I was the Resurrector.”

Julian’s glib tongue deserted him.

“So I’m not some normal girl to be doing this, am I?”

His fingers tightened in her hair. “No, you’re not, but you’re MY girl. You always will be.”

Lily jerked her head away and spat angrily, “Because you own me. Because I’m just a pretty whore to you—just your little poppet!

Have you ever thought that maybe I’m tired of being your doll?”

Looking away from him, she charged, “You had NO right to do what you just did to me!”

Julian stared at her profile for several moments. “I can’t take back what happened, Lily.”

She turned and looked back at him, face carefully blank of all emotions. He reached for her slim hand, squeezing it with firm pressure when she tried to pull away. He brought it up to his mouth and kissed each fingertip reverently, all the while looking deeply into her pained eyes.

“I do see you as my property, as my beautiful whore, my doll, and my sweet little poppet, but I see you as so much more than that.”

Julian ran his tongue down her palm and laid a heated open-mouthed kiss to the center. “I see you as the most exquisite creature I have ever seen. I see you as the light that balances my darkness. I see you as the missing half to my worthless existence.”

Lily clenched her eyes tightly as she felt the burning of her tears. “It sounds good, Julian, but I’m not always as stupid as I act.”

“Don’t call yourself stupid!”

“I shouldn’t call myself stupid but I can let you tell me a load of crap and that makes everything okay. Geez, that makes so much more sense. Why can’t I get it? Must be because I’m STUPID!”

Julian glared at her with frustration before getting up and walking over to a window. Looking out, he stood in silence for several minutes. When he saw a lone figure stumbling along the street he thought of feeding before dismissing it from his mind. He couldn’t leave things the way they were tonight.

And I definitely can’t feed from her…not when she’s like this.

It was important for Lily to feel her love for him again. He just didn’t understand why. How many times had she dragged herself from his bed, emotionally and physically beaten, and with him not even lifting a brow?

“Lily, I understand why you think I’m bullshitting you. I’m not making any excuses for what I’ve done. I’m not begging for your 90

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory forgiveness. I wouldn’t change what I’ve done, but that doesn’t mean that it always has to be like that.”

“Why does it even have to be this way?”

“Because of what I am, Lily,” he replied wearily. “Because of what I am. You of all people should know the nature of the vampire.

We’re remorseless. We don’t see things the same way you do. That’s why.”

“I can’t continue like this. I can’t keep letting you treat me this way.”

“Lily...”

She held up a hand to halt his flow of words and shook her head.

“Stop it. I can’t continue to lie down and let you strip away a piece of me each time. I never want to be treated like this again. As long as I let you do this to me, I will never be who I need to be.”

Panic hit him at the finality in her voice. Regardless of how emotionally beaten down she was, Julian could see that this time she really did mean it. Rushing over to her side, he dropped to his knees and grabbed both of her hands.

“Do you really want me to leave? Do you really want me to walk out that door and never come back?”

Lily had never seen her lover look so out of control, so panicked. She’d almost be willing to believe she saw sincerity in his eyes but no. Julian was right—she DID know the nature of the vampire. Lying was what they did best.

That and seduce.

“Do you really want me to leave, darling?”

“Did you hear nothing of what I just said?”

“I need you, Lily. I need you like I need blood to survive.”

“Don’t do this to me—”

“I’ve thought of nothing except you for two years—”

“Stop it!”

“I’ve craved nothing but YOU for two years.”

“Shut up! I don’t want to hear this!”

His voice dropped to a husky whisper. “Did you know that I went insane when you left me? I couldn’t believe that my darling girl was gone. I tore Vickery Hill apart looking for you. I didn’t want to believe you would leave what we had…that you would leave me to exist without you.”

“Julian you FUCKED other women. You LIED to me. You made me believe that I was all you wanted, which obviously wasn’t true.

And then you left me to die.”

“No!”

“Yes! Acrymydion asked you if you loved me. What did you say?”

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Julian remembered it all too well. He schooled his features to defy the shame coiling about his guts. Lily’s story was supposed to have ended two years ago in Vickery Hill and Acrymydion was the celestial being responsible for ensuring it.

“Lily, I didn’t leave you to die. I made Acrymydion go away.

He left you with your life.”

“I died!”

“BUT I GOT YOUR LIFE BACK!” His scream dwarfed hers.

Julian hissed before adopting his typical, soft cadence. “Don’t you remember we were supposed to leave Vickery Hill that night—”

“But not before you had one last orgy, huh?” she cut in bitingly.

Julian couldn’t explain his panic that night two years before. He couldn’t explain why he had fallen into that trap. He couldn’t justify the regret that took him when Lily walked into his lakeside mansion and saw him engaged in planned decadence. All he wanted was to make Lily’s pain go away. All he knew was that he could not... would not...survive without her.

“Silence,” she spit out in weary disgust. “Anytime you can’t talk your way out of YOUR mistakes, this is what I get. I hate you so much, Julian.”

Those words threw the vampire into alarm. “Don’t say that.”

“What? I hate you? Why shouldn’t I say it when it’s true? I hate you, Julian Douglas. I fucking hate the sight of you.”

He shook his head, unwilling to face the object of his obsession curse his existence. “I’ve never needed anyone like I need you. You know what that means to someone like me.”

Lily’s naked shoulders rose in a tiny hunch. It was obvious she wanted to shield herself from the unforgivable hurt of doomed hope. She couldn’t even mouth words of spite anymore—not when he was like this.

Julian remained on his knees, completely aware of his humbling pose. “I don’t care what you are now, Lily. I want you next to me.” He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. They shimmered with animalistic need.

Lily felt a shudder run down her spine as his eyes compelled her to answer with her own mindless nature.

“I want to be able to see you, hear you, smell you always.”

Julian could see the unwilling yet almost imperceptible softening occurring within Lily at his words.

Then he let the bomb drop.

“If you tell me to walk out of your life tonight...I’ll walk out into the sun tomorrow morning.”

“You wouldn’t do it. You’re having too much fun destroying humanity to just chuck it all away...” Lily’s caustic voice died away when she looked into his determined and deathly still face. Whatever she saw shook her conviction. “Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me, Julian.”

92

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Julian remained silent.

“Tell me.”

He ignored her demand. “Do you really want me to leave?”

“I already answered that!” Lily tugged to free her hands.

“All it takes is a simple answer, Lily. Perhaps the simplest one you’ll ever have to say. Yes or no?”

“Stop doing this to me, Julian—”

“Yes or no, Lily?”

Unsuccessfully trying to pull her hands away from his grip, she shouted, “YES! NO!” Stricken by her answer, Lily shook her head and softly wailed, “I won’t be responsible for this too. Not again…”

Julian turned her hands over. He kissed the delicate flesh of her wrists. He could hear her pulse accelerate at his touch. “Do you never want to feel my touch again?” He ran his tongue up her arm and then suckled the inside of her elbow. “Here?” Julian moved his mouth sensuously up to the top of her shoulder. “Or here?”

Every part of her arm tingled. Each kiss was a brand on her body and heart. She could almost believe he felt more than lust and possessiveness for her. She wanted to be with Julian so badly. It would be so easy to turn to him again.

It always had been.

Lily moaned softly when his mouth kissed and nibbled her lobe, flicking his tongue inside her ear, before trailing down her nape.

“All it takes is a word. One word.”

“Stop playing with me, Julian.” Her words begged him to stop, but her tone enticed him to continue.

“Yes. No. One or the other.” His smooth hands ran down her back, encountering the almost forgotten leash. Julian pulled back from her with no small amount of regret. His fingers unhooked the chain and then removed her collar, putting them down on the couch next to his broken, little doll.

Lily’s neck looked horrible. There were scratches from where the collar dug into her skin when he jerked it too hard and when he strangled her. Finger bruises dotted the flesh obscenely. They reminded Julian that this was would be forever.

No more remarkable healing powers, no more supernatural strength. Never, ever again.

Julian enveloped Lily in his arms and nuzzled her abused neck.

He had to control his rages in the future. He never wanted to see his handprints on her neck again.

Unless it was something she asked for, but that would be an entirely different matter.

“Tell me,” he begged in a haunting appeal.

Lily sat in his embrace, shaken and terrified of what could happen next.

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Julian would never do it. He had to be bluffing. But what if he isn’t? What if he’s serious? No, it has to be another one of his manipulations. It just has to be. But what if it isn’t? What if he’s serious?

“Tell me, Lily. Decide my fate and put me out of this misery.”

The fervent words spilled into her hair, seducing her need if not her compliance. “Show me kindness, show me the compassion you gave others, but never wanted to give me. Please, Lily. How long must I beg for you?”

Julian pushed her to the edge, claiming more pieces of her will.

Lily desperately wanted to hold onto hate and desolation but found them slipping away just like her.

“Lily, let me show you what else you mean to me,” Julian breathed in her ear. “Let me take all the pain away.”

She shuddered from his touch, for his touch. She wanted to scream, retch, laugh, and cry when he cupped her face.

“Forgive me?”

Lily’s eyes roamed Julian’s exquisite features, searching for the slightest shred of deceit. If she could find something, anything, she could resist him. She could push him away. She could die.

“Darling,” he rasped in husky entreaty. “Give me the chance to feel alive, the only way I can when I’m in your arms. Please…”

Can I let him live? Can I lose myself to his lies? Maybe. Maybe this last time.

“I don’t want to, Julian.” The small, tiny voice held the power of a thousand screams. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I love you, I hate you, I love you more, I hate you forever. I want something else, Julian.”

He reluctantly pulled back. Julian saw so much desperation and dread in her little doll face. He could see she wanted him so much, but feared for him to turn on her once again.

No surprise there. It’s what I do. What I always do.

“What do you want?” Julian asked solemnly.

She smiled without joy. “I want you to be with me as if you loved me.”

A terrible sadness he didn’t want to think about ran through Julian’s large body.

What makes you think I don’t?

The question came unbidden. It frightened him, making him feel exposed like a newly-risen fledgling. Desperate to pretend the shudders running through his body didn’t stem from unworthiness, he brought his lips to hers. “I want to make love with you, Lily.”

“Make love?” she gasped in answering fear.

Keeping her stare proved to be too much for him. Julian dropped his gaze and whispered, “Yes. I want you to show me how. I’ve never done it before. I don’t know how. I know how to fuck. I know how to make you scream. But I don’t know anything else.”

94

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory She weighed his confession, trying to decide if it was truth or lie, before replying, “Neither do I.”

It obviously wasn’t the response Julian expected. His pale brow darkened with confusion. “What?”

Lily almost laughed at his obliviousness. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, my lord. I’m not going to fall into your arms and squeal,

‘Please let me show you what love is.’ That’s for eighties ballads, not real life.” At his continued blank look, she murmured, “Never mind.

Look, I don’t know either, Julian. I’ve only known you.”

He slid his hands back into his lap. Sprawled at her feet, the vampire felt his world tumble further from his grasp. He felt stupid, inept, and worthless. “What will you have me do, Lily?”

“I asked for you to love me and you want to give me sex instead.”

“You want more.” Darkness pulsed inside his cravings. He suddenly knew what to give his beautiful girl. Recklessness dominated prudence. “I know what you want, Lily.”

“What?” she whispered, eyes liquid with incessant longing.

“I can give you forever.”

“Forever.” She drew the word out as if its meaning was foreign to her comprehension.

“I can remake you, Lily. I can protect you from what you fear.”

The slow, steady words quickened in cadence. Faster and faster they spun from his mouth, enticing the human girl with a devastating fix to all her mortal problems. “You’re afraid of a long, miserable human life. I can change that, Lily. I can do what we never risked before. I can make you a vampire.”

Julian chanced violence when he suddenly pressed his mouth against hers in an awkward kiss. His customary finesse disappeared as the ramifications of what he had just promised fell upon his fractured head.

The nightmares that sickened me for so long…seeing her broken and bleeding…dying. I swore I’d never do that to her. I swore that I’d never want her for that long. I swore that Vivian was the last. I swore I’d see Lily dead first. I swore…I swore and I lied.

“Would that please you, darling? Would that prove my worthiness? Would that prove that I’m not just a monster? Can I kill you to prove my devotion?” Julian asked each question in a tone fraught with maddened torment. She stayed cold, inflaming his passion to dangerous obsession.

Lily remained still as the living corpse he promised to make her.

Old loyalties instructed her repugnance. She had once killed rogue vampires. How could she even contemplate chancing that sin?

But maybe it’s better than lying in a box until I rot.

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Julian continued to press artless kisses to her lips, cheeks, and temple. He began murmuring nonsensical words with each oral devotion.

Lily found her mind drifting farther away from the pitiful circumstances of their current affair. She wondered how she could exist in only half a world. She tried to imagine herself without physical flaws and a penchant for heinousness.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

That’s what had happened to the gentle creature known as Ian.

He had opened up the real side of himself, Julian Douglas, and lost every bit of compassion he possessed. Julian buried every bit of Ian, locking it away as if he had never existed.

Lily’s eyes cut back to the creature begging for the chance to murder her. She watched his mouth move in feverish entreaty. Lily skipped to the few short months she had spent in his dangerous company.

Julian Douglas had all but killed the innocent girl she had been.

And now he’s offering to finish the job.

Her fingers crept up his naked neck. Lily smiled with morbid glee when he froze. Something akin to fear flashed once in his beautiful eyes. He waited for her declaration, transparent in his virulent need to have her agree.

Lily stepped off the edge and fell into the void where right and wrong ceased to exist. “I would die for you.” She meant it. She already died two years before. Now she wanted to make it permanent.

Julian’s entire world began spinning again, purpose giving it momentum. Relief weakened him but not nearly as much as the words Lily had just spoken. Julian kissed her fully, afraid she would renounce her promise and more afraid that he would keep it.

Forever. This means forever.

He picked Lily up and carried her to the small bed. Reverently, he laid her down before following. His hands delicately stroked her arm.

He refused to think about her warmth or how much he would miss it once she transformed.

“Will it hurt?”

“Yes.” He placed his cool hand on her stomach. Slowly he rubbed back and forth, occasionally tugging on the chain encircling her hips. He watched in fascination as Lily’s pulse quickened.

“Will you tell me before you do it?”

Do it. Two words that was suddenly worse than the dreaded three.

She’ll stop being Lily. She’ll be like me. Two broken pieces forced to make a whole. I was tortured into submission, bringing forth a personality fraught with goodness in order to make the agony go away.

It’ll be the same for her. Except instead of clean, I’ll make her dirty. And there’ll be nothing to stop her from making a personality fraught with evil to make that agony go away too.

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DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Julian suddenly despised his bargain. He hated the impulse that had led him here and he hated Lily more for agreeing. There had to be a way out. He softened his tone with false nobility. “Darling, we don’t have to do this yet. We can wait—”

“No. I want it tonight. Now. I don’t want to live another day with this…numbness…inside me.” Determination tightened her jaw. “It has to be tonight.”

Julian chafed under her resolve. “Are you sure?”

In response, Lily drew his dark head down and hungrily kissed his firm mouth. Her tongue traced the outline of his lips before boldly delving past them. Lily’s hand played with the back of his head, running her fingers through his soft hair. She pulled away and licked his jaw. Lily chanced looking into his gaze.

She watched crazed heartbreak flit across his face. She was almost tempted to believe she HAD seen it. Lily, however, knew better.

He’s already regretting it.

“I love you, Julian.” She barely hoped to have this small power over him. “I can make you love me too. I don’t care if it takes forever, Julian.” He didn’t even blink. Lily lay beneath him, believing he wanted something else for his help. She let out a shuddering breath. “If you do this for me, you won’t ever have to see me again.”

“What?” Julian rasped.

“I know that for whatever reason you like fucking me. You can do it until you’re tired of…it…me.” Red stained her cheeks, reminiscent of forbidden fruit. “You can walk away. I’ll leave you alone. I won’t make you responsible for me. You can live your life.”

Julian blinked.

Once.

Twice.

“Have you lost your FUCKING mind?” The bitter words made Lily curl away from him. He ruthlessly pushed her onto her back. “I want to give you forever and all you can think of is leaving me?”

“No…wait! You’re misunderstanding.”

“No, I’m not. That’s what you want—a life without me. It’s what you always wanted from the beginning. You even admitted it tonight and I was too stupid to know you really meant it.”

“NO!” This time it was Lily who smashed her mouth against his, pouring her desperate passion into a violent melding of lips and tongues.

“You don’t want me,” Julian hissed even as he yanked her hair to expose Lily’s all too human neck. “You just want what I can give you.” Julian licked and bit the delicate tissue, unfairly tormenting her with what could come.

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“That’s not true.” Her hand fluttered across his naked back. “I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to do. I know how you feel about me,” she ended miserably.

Julian pounced on her poor attempt to placate his temper. He deliberately manipulated it, wanting to find a way out of his predicament—no matter how dishonorable. “You don’t know anything, poppet.” His hand caressed her hip, repeatedly squeezing and releasing her flesh. Julian slid his leg between hers. “But that’s okay, darling. I forgive you.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” she protested in a failed attempt to salvage her pride. Tears quivered on the ends of her lashes.

“Didn’t you?” The snarl released the pretty liquid Julian craved.

He watched the crystalline river snake its way down her pale cheeks with spiteful satisfaction. He absolutely hated what Lily made him feel. He was tempted to just drain her and be done with it.

Fuck her until I’m done? Why doesn’t she just admit that’s HER
agenda? Fine. Make her a little bloodsucker, set her free, and I don’t have to watch how quickly she gets torn to shreds out there without me.

An image of Lily’s lifeless body suddenly flashed in Julian’s mind. He turned his face away. Julian’s guts twisted with intimate pain.

The obsessive fear for Lily’s safety had haunted the vampire longer than he would admit. He had often forsaken sleep rather than risk the nightmares starring Lily’s gruesome demise.

Now he was willing to give it to her?

What the fuck was I thinking?

“Ssh, darling. I’m sorry. I promised to make love to you and instead I’ve made you cry. Forgive me?” Julian bit his lip. Perverted shame took him down the familiar path of emotional restitution.

I’ll make you forget this stupidity. I’ll make you find a way to like your new life. We can still be together. I don’t have to kill you to make you live forever. I should’ve never suggested it.

Julian’s hand slid up to her breast. He frowned when Lily recoiled from his touch. He murmured her name forlornly. “Don’t turn away from me, darling. I need you so much. I’ll make you happy, Lily.

I’ll make it all go away. Trust me. It’ll be okay. I swear.”

She catered to the raw panic in his voice at the cost of her own.

“Okay.” The whisper belied the rejection festering inside. She kissed his cheek, knowing what would happen next.

Julian flashed a smile full of gratitude and empty confidence.

“This is why I adore you so.” Unwittingly, his words probed an old wound.

He adores me. That’s the best I can get from Julian. It’s so painful to know I’ll never hear him say the words…

Lily’s morose musings came to an end when Julian trailed his hand down her body. His fingers encountered the soft hair. He 98

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory remembered the first time she had shaved it bare for him. He smiled and continued with his beloved task.

Lily moaned and arched her body when he delved into the warm, wet flesh. She let out a small cry of disappointment when his fingers slipped away. Julian shushed her and murmured, “I won’t be gone for long.” He then turned Lily onto her belly. “I can never be gone for long from you, my darling little girl.”

The obscene words made Lily writhe on the bed. She anticipated Julian’s touch with empty hunger. Each movement against the rough sheets caressed the tips of her breasts, the flat of her stomach, and smooth flesh of her thighs. Lily shelved her feelings of worthlessness and concentrated on what it would be like having Julian in her again.

Sex was their brittle triumph, obliterating all sense and reason.

Compliant with this old turn of events, Julian whispered precious profanities against her back. Each filthy word held the sweetness of a sonnet. Lily felt his clever fingers work the clasp to her chain just as he whispered, “I’m sorry for being so bad, darling. Just know that however bad I am, I’m still your bitch.”

The metal loosened around her body. Lily breathed a small sigh of relief.

“Do you like that, darling?”

“Oh, yes.”

Julian trailed his lips across Lily’s back and sensitive neck. Each kiss produced a strangled mewl from his darling. He wanted to devour her, consume her, and take her into himself. Julian’s teeth lengthened. He flirted with disaster as he let them scrape her back, leaving welts to instantly rise to the surface.

Lily jolted. Diminished strength did nothing to curb her masochism when it came to the vampire above her. Her mouth slackened into a languorous line. She murmured her love for him.

“Don’t stop…”

Julian reached under Lily. He palmed both breasts while he nibbled on her flushed neck. He pinched her nipples and bit down. Lily arched and cried out his name in a great, gasping heave. Her heavy arousal worked him like a drug. Julian knew her specific scent like he knew nothing else. She could never hide from him—even in a room full of a thousand he’d be able to track her.

Julian inhaled deeply and groaned. This delightful concoction of pheromones and genetic pattern had haunted him every night, long before he had made Lily his own. It was all that had kept him going for two years. Her fading scent had been his beacon through bus stations, motels, and dumps passing for affordable housing.

The urge to drive into Lily was so strong, but the need to taste her was stronger. Letting go of her breasts with a final pinch, Julian trailed his mouth down the curve of Lily’s spine until he reached the 99

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small of her back. He then slid his hands under her hips and lifted Lily up.

“So beautiful…so fucking beautiful…” he murmured in a strangled whine. Julian reached out and touched Lily with an unsteady hand. The collection of slopes and angles met in a manner most definitely intended to bring the male of any species to his knees. Julian gave into his hunger. He first bit one cheek and then the other, delighting in Lily’s pained cry of pleasure. He quickly soothed each bite with lips and tongue. Lily obediently rewarded him with a croon. He reverently ran his caress down the cleft between her rounded flesh and tasted the small, puckered opening.

Lily bucked forward. She reached out and gripped the headboard. Still holding her with his hands against her lower stomach, Julian took his fingers and spread her luscious lips while simultaneously driving his tongue into her from behind.

Lily’s body shook with tremors. She wanted to come so badly, but not enough to end this addictive torment. Julian’s tongue probed and licked while his fingers gently plucked her clit. Gripping the bars of her headboard, Lily rocked her body against him.

Julian drew his wet mouth away from Lily and replaced it with his hand. Long fingers entered her, twisting in and out while his other moved from her mound. They trailed up and around her hip, slightly scratching her skin.

Lily breathlessly babbled his name. Julian’s face was drawn and tight with his unfulfilled lust, but he couldn’t stop. Bringing his hand to his cock, he coated two of his fingers with the liquid that oozed out of the slit.

“Oh...Julian...please...”

“Yes, darling?”

“Make me...come...now...I need to...”

Julian smiled crookedly. “I’m going to make you come so good, darling. Then I’m going to make you come again and again.”

He had no sooner finished speaking before Lily felt his finger slowly invade her back passage. Her breath hitched as Julian gently slid the tip of one finger and painstakingly worked her until she loosened enough to let in his whole finger.

When her body adjusted to that, he then carefully worked the tip of his second finger in until it too slipped into her body. All the while his other hand worked, by this point, four fingers in and out of her clinging female entrance. Her ecstasy intoxicated Julian beyond anything. He could kneel here forever, servicing his beautiful, living doll.

In an incredibly short period of time, Lily felt the telling tremors roll their way through her body. Her cries grew louder as she pushed back against both sets of fingers. Lily’s body shuddered before breaking apart.

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“Oh, yes, yes! I love you!”

Julian threw his head back. The sound of his name on her lips was the most beautiful music the vampire had ever heard. Insanely, his throat worked to spew the same sentiment to her. He bit his mouth, catching the words before they threw him into disaster.

I never, ever wanted anyone or anything like I want you…

Lily slowly let go of her death grip on the headboard. She dropped her head and drew in little gasps of air. She expected Julian to mount her from behind, as he usually did, but instead he remained in place. Surprised, Lily summoned the energy to look over her shoulder.

Julian’s throat worked violently, his eyes clenched and one elongated fang digging dangerously into his lips. As the intoxicating effects wore off, Lily’s body awoke to an even hotter desire.

I want to make him burn.

She moved forward, causing his fingers to slip from her body.

She trembled delicately from their loss. Turning around to sit on her heels, Lily encircled her arms around his lean waist. She laid her cheek against his cool stomach and breathed deeply.

“I love you so much, Julian. I’ve loved you forever…long before I even knew your name.”

Lily pulled back and looked up. Julian’s eyes pulsed with primal intent, dancing between arctic blue and feral yellow. Her eyes slid to the thick shaft arching out towards her before locking her gaze with his again. Lily understood the rules of engagement between them. Julian had no intent of making her take him in her mouth. Her lips twitched with inappropriate mirth.

He waits for the oddest times to act like a gentleman. Why couldn’t he have acted this way an hour ago?

Lily chose to erase the previous act of debasement the way she always did. She captured his mouth and savagely bit his lower lip. Julian hauled her against him, uncaring of the borrowed blood dribbling down his chin. He moaned in plea when she broke off their kiss and groaned in bliss when he felt her mouth travel down his body.

Lily laved him with fervent, wet strokes, trying to consume her unnatural lover. He hissed in a jubilant mixture of masochistic pain as her teeth scored imperfect crescents into his flesh. When she reached the jutting head of his enormous cock, Lily moved forward until her lips met the tip. She flicked her tongue with a courtesan’s touch before enveloping him in her mouth.

Julian’s soft groans filled the air as his darling bobbed up and down his length. He resisted the urge to grip her hair and slam her head on his cock. Instead, he kept his fists clenched helplessly at his sides and let Lily set the pace.

And what a delightful pace it is!

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She alternated her strokes from slow and teasing to fast and hungry. When she deep-throated him, Julian wanted to spill right then and there. Her small hand cupped his balls and her other hand dug into his ass, forcing Julian to thrust forward once before controlling himself.

“It’s all right,” she whispered with a little smile. “I don’t mind.”

Julian gave in, immediately following the steady rhythm of her mouth. Lily knew exactly how hard, how fast, and how much to suck to bring him to the brink of orgasm before drawing back and starting over again.

He never, ever tired of this. Coming, fighting, hating—it was all he ever wanted. All he ever understood. Julian Douglas didn’t exist as much as he survived. Tomorrow would find him hauling this delicious bit of humanity out of Montreal and onto destination unknown. She would probably fight him but it was an unavoidable circumstance. He knew Lily didn’t understand his situation and, in essence, hers. He also knew that tomorrow they’d be running for their lives.

But tonight…

Tonight belongs to us…

Julian chanced looking down. Seeing Lily’s dark head working furiously up and down on his cock was enough to drive him over the edge, regardless of her teasing. He dug his fingers into her shoulders.

“Lily...I’m going to...”

She gave his garbled warning no heed. Instead she redoubled her efforts, coaxing him to give her what she craved—total control.

“Lily…”

“I don’t care.”

It was all the permission he needed. Julian worked her until his world came to a glorious stop. He shouted while she moaned softly and swallowed. Julian barely finished before he thrust his hands under her arms and pulled Lily up. He kissed her luscious mouth and tasted himself on her lips.

The vulgarity of it all made him hard again.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Lily kissed him back with all the passion burning in her body. She tunneled her fingers through his hair and whispered between hungry kisses, “I want to know you…I want to know everything about you…I want you…I want to be with you…I want to BE you.”

Julian growled low in his throat. He wanted to deny her. He needed to deny her. He couldn’t give her happiness…not this kind. Lily continued to court him with baby whispers.

“Make me like you…I’m so ready to be done with this…I’ll forget everything if you do this for me.”

Julian brought her down beneath him on the bed. “Shut up.”

Lily’s hands restlessly roamed down his back only to entangle themselves once more in his hair. She slid her tongue against his with 102

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory obvious delight, uncaring of his ill humor. “I want you so badly. I want to make love with you so much. Forever.”

He stared down into her wide, obsidian gaze. “You’ll be the death of me.” Fatigue tied the vampire with dangerous threads. He couldn’t deny her—but he couldn’t commit this sin too. Suddenly suicide seemed rather fetching. “We don’t have to go any further. We can just end it here.”

Lily ignored his fatalistic proposition. She didn’t comprehend the terrible finality of it all. She nipped his chin with little teeth. “Julian, make love to me first.”

The fight went out of him. Julian closed his eyes and nodded wearily. She was right. Killing themselves was just another one of many stupid ideas he entertained. “You’re right. This is how it should be.”

Misery fired him from the inside, perversely making him want to fuck them both into oblivion. He settled his mouth against her neck. Julian moved Lily in position for his penetration and lifted her hips with one arm. Lily’s flesh muffled his tormented groan as he slid inside her easily.

Soon it’ll be over. Soon I’ll pay for my sins. Soon my little poppet will be gone. I should’ve never looked for her…

Oblivious to the maddened melancholy possessing Julian’s mind, Lily clasped her lover with eager arms. She turned her head and ran her lips over his wrist before latching her mouth onto the inside of his arm. She bit down and tasted herself.

Julian instantly fell into frenzy. His thrusts became less controlled and more brutal. He shouldn’t care about useless honor when Lily felt so good and lovemaking with her felt so good. Julian needed to taste the sweetness that was Lily Walker…if only for one last time.

Bringing her body up, he thrust his tongue into her willing mouth. His body hammered hers and he swallowed each and every one of her cries.

Julian eventually tore his mouth away from hers and sat back on his heels.

He lifted her legs from around his waist and threw them on his shoulders. He held her hips in his large hands and laved her with his tongue.

Lily felt the familiar tension gather. Madly twisting the sheets beneath her, she squeezed her legs and arched her back. Lily wanted this moment to never end. Nothing mattered but him. She wanted to stay in eternal darkness with her lover—her beloved Julian.

Soon it will be forever.

Lily let out a familiar hoarse cry but Julian gave her no respite.

He moved their bodies so that he was lying on his side behind her. Julian cupped her breast while lifting her leg and placing it on his hip. He thrust a rapid tempo meant to obliterate everything but basic desire.

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taking control herself. Lily’s hand down her perspired covered body until it reached the juncture between her thighs. Her fingers unerringly slid past swollen lips and touched the small, delicate nub.

Lily rubbed and plucked herself, desperately seeking release as her lord’s body hammered hers from behind. She wanted to come with him inside her. She wanted to shudder and clench around him. She wanted to hear his deep growls as she did so.

Knowing what she was doing, Julian skimmed his hand across her belly. He played with the chain around her waist while letting his words flow into her mind. “Come again, baby. You’re so beautiful when you come.”

Julian’s words were the most powerful weapon he had and Lily recognized them as her masters. When they wanted to tear her down, she crumpled like dust. But when they wanted to build her up, they took her to the greatest of heights.

And now Lily just wanted to fly.

“Julian...it feels so good...” she panted, mouth open and wanting to be filled.

He obliged her, dipping his tongue past her warm lips. “Ooh, it does, doesn’t it?” he whispered lovingly. “Imagine how good it’ll feel when you come...when you come all over my cock.”

His sinful words were exactly what she needed to push her over the edge again. Lily screamed his name and let go.

Julian growled fiercely as her silken muscles closed around him.

Lily’s body beckoned with mortal temptation. He leaned over. The vampire could hear the crimson river rushing down through her veins.

His mouth widened with instinctual hunger. Julian could’ve given into that lovely seduction, letting himself go as well as her.

Instead, Julian shook his head violently. He needed to prolong his involvement of this profane premeditation. He pulled out of Lily’s limp body and settled on top of her. Drinking in her little contented mewls with his lips, Julian gently thrust inside her again. Lily languidly linked her arms around his waist. He slammed into her welcoming body faster and faster until she was again moaning loudly with each thrust.

Julian felt as if he couldn’t get in deep enough. He wanted every inch of himself inside Lily. “Darling…wrap your legs...around me.”

Obedient, she wrapped her shaky legs around his lean waist. She looked at Julian’s face and smiled savagely. He was fighting his natural impulse to tear her throat out.

It was then she knew that her time had come.

The shadows couldn’t pull down at her anymore. Death couldn’t stalk her as prey anymore. She didn’t have to run anymore.

Ever, ever again.

Lily pumped her hips up and happily offered her neck. She knew exactly what needed to be said. “Do it now, my lord.”

104

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Julian let out a strangled groan of denial.

“Now, Julian…please,” she gasped brokenly. “Please…do it.”

He shook his head, all control turning to dust.

Lily’s little doll face reddened. She sought the siren call of pleasure, even in the throes of soliciting death. “Oh…please…please…”

Julian’s eyes melted to gold. He panted, “Not yet…”

“I love you. I love you so much. Make me over, my lord. Make me yours.” She babbled the words without shame, without reprieve. She was a monolith in her ambition and would never be stopped. “I love you, Julian. I want to be with you forever. I need you forever. Please…”

Julian once dreamt of many things. He dreamt of death. He dreamt of power. He dreamt of eternity.

Now he dreamt of redemption.

Emitting a roar, he lunged forward and sank his fangs deeply within his lover’s slim neck. He sucked greedily, taking Lily’s very soul into his. He could almost see a million memories become his.

Julian saw the little girl Lily had been by the lake.

He saw himself through her eyes.

The vampire saw kindness when he should’ve seen death.

Julian Douglas watched as the little girl smiled and took HIS
hand, not Ian’s.

He heard her whisper, “I want to be better than what I am.”

“So do I.” The words were wet, drowning in Lily’s blood. Julian opened his mouth widely and Lily fell back into the bed with a faint thump. “So do I,” he whispered again.

This madness has to stop.

Leaning over her on his arms, he studied the pale woman. It was like seeing her for the first time. The feverish eyes staring at him were not what he remembered. A tiny crimson bead rolled down his chin. He felt every millimeter it moved and shuddered with disgust. Lily’s weak moans pleaded for something he could NOT give.

Why not?

It was then Julian knew what he had denied for so many years.

All he had left to give her was the one thing he never knew he was capable of sustaining.

Love.

Julian Douglas loved Lily Walker. He loved her more than power, more than pride, and more than blood. He always had loved her, even when he cursed her with every bit of his will.

I could die from this…knowing this now. Goddamnit!

He also knew his twisted psyche better than anyone else. He knew what he was capable of doing. Now that temptation had taken root for Lily’s immortality, he’d never let it go. It would gnaw at him, worrying his newborn conscience like a tasty bone. Eventually, he’d 105

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succumb to it and he now understood that he loved Lily too much to see her destroy herself.

I already saw it with Vivian. I took a precious girl, a Resurrector, and helped make her a vengeful wraith. She immediately killed everyone in her village just on a well-nursed whim. No wonder Nephilim extracted their vengeance on me. And this happened to Vivian when she was happy and healthy. What would become of my Lily in her present state?

Julian already knew.

Lily would become absolutely remorseless. All the sweetness in her would turn into venom. I love her and I’d see her dead first before that happened. This is why I have to leave. I can’t be with Lily knowing this. I’d kill her within a week.

If he were a better man he would’ve shared his gift. He would’ve let her wear his withered heart. Instead, Julian Douglas did what he did best.

He destroyed that which he needed more than anything else in the world.

“Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.” Julian chanted the phrase several times in a breathless whisper; the words tripped over one another in chaotic cadence. Lily’s eyes slit open in carnal contentment. She watched his lips move, but was too enthralled to recognize the danger in him.

Finally, Julian intoned, “It’s time.”

“Time?” she murmured tiredly.

“Yes. It’s time to end this.” Julian lowered his head and kissed her damp brow. He waited until she opened her eyes. Frozen in painful inertia, he stated very firmly, “I love you.”

Lily jerked when she heard the three words. It could not be possible. He could NOT have said those words.

“Julian?”

He continued to stare at her. His mouth quivered as he said it again, “I love you.”

Her heart clenched in painful euphoria. He had never said this to her. Lily had always prayed for these beautiful words, but to actually hear her heart’s dreams come true…

“You’re so beautiful, Lily. You always where. Even as a little girl you were so beautiful. I miss her.”

Confusion marred the unsuspecting lover’s bliss. “I don’t understand.”

“I know.” His fingers feathered down her cool cheek. “You were so innocent of what I would do to you. I wish I had slit your throat and left you to drown rather than do this to you.”

Lily’s joy crumpled. Fear replaced it. “Don’t say that! What’s the matter with you?”

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“Nothing. Everything.” Julian ran his fingers across her neck, mimicking his previous desire. “I love you.”

Lily shifted up the bed. The vampire’s low murmurs hummed with danger. She moved only a few inches before he stopped her with a well-placed hand around her wrist.

“Do you know why some dogs eat their young?”

Lily swallowed several times. She could not push the word past her throat.

“They do it out of kindness. If they think the world will harm their babies, they put them out of their misery by eating them alive. It’s the ultimate expression of love.” Julian’s gaze burned with pained fanaticism. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Lily’s heart hammered so loudly she knew it had to be deafening to the predator above.

“Darling, answer me.”

“No, Julian. I don’t.” She whispered the docile answer in a voice thick with unshed tears. “All I know is that you’re scaring me.

Please stop.”

Julian’s beautiful mask cracked. Compassion warmed his arctic gaze. “I will but only if you do. Don’t make me be the dog, Lily.” With those final words, Julian kissed her on the mouth tenderly. “I love you.”

Within one minute of speaking, he was dressed and all but out the door.

Lily sat up quickly. Ignoring the vicious headache claiming her brain, she cried out, “Where are you going?”

He didn’t answer. He just kept pulling the door open.

The yawning darkness threatened to snatch Lily. “When are you coming back?!”

The shrill scream stopped Julian. “I’m not.”

Feeling cold dread settle heavily in the pit of her stomach, she demanded, “Why?”

“I already told you.”

“Bullshit.” Tears blurred her vision, but Lily wouldn’t let them fall. “I’m coming with you.”

“No.”

Lily swung her legs off the bed. She stood up, weaving drunkenly for a moment before determination took control. “You said that you loved me. I heard you.”

“I do.”

She shuffled forward, wary Julian would bolt. When she reached his side, she waited until he turned to face her. “You said you’d never leave me. You said you’d walk out into the sun before that happened.”

“Things have changed.”

“Nothing’s changed.” Lily gripped his arm. “I want to be with you forever.”

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CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

“As a vampire.”

“As whatever I have to be in order to be with you!”

“I loved watching you eat, hearing you laugh. I liked hearing you talk.” Julian’s expression betrayed no emotion, yet his tone trembled as if on the verge of tears.

“You always said I talked too much.”

“You do.” He said it in the voice he generally reserved for telling Lily how much he hated her…soft and mournful. “I don’t ever want you to stop. I want you to live forever, Lily. I don’t want to see you fade away. I don’t ever want you to turn to dust. I want you to be nineteen forever.”

“I’m twenty-one,” she corrected numbly.

“I know.” This time his sadness was unmistakable. He kissed her again. “I want you forever, Lily. And this is why I’m leaving.”

Lily stared at him, wordlessly beseeching for him to be other than what he was. When he continued to return her stare with shattered regret, her face crumpled. Gasping sobs seized her. “You can’t do this to me! I won’t ask it again. I s-swear!”

“But I can’t swear it . I told you—I want you forever. I’ll take your life, Lily, and make you a monster just like me. You won’t ever eat again. You won’t ever laugh. You’ll stop being you and start being me.”

“Oh my God, are you serious?” Lily wailed in outrage. “Don’t give me this ‘oh, I’m a vampire and my life is so bad’ crap! God, you’ve been many things, but cliché and dumb? This is got to be a new low for you.”

“Listen—”

“No, shut the fuck up! This is stupid! You’re a vampire and I’m a human. Big fucking deal. You’ve spent your entire existence looking down on humans and feeling so damned elevated because you’re a pureblood. Now my humanity is so precious? You know what? Fuck you—”

“Darling, you have to listen to me—”

“No!”

“YES!” Julian gentled his voice again. “I could’ve turned you at any time but I didn’t. I barely entertained the idea. I always reasoned to myself it was because I hated you. Now I know different.”

“Please don’t…” She grabbed his lapel and pulled herself up.

She kissed his chin and rubbed her damp cheek against his neck. “Julian, don’t be this cruel to me.”

“I want you so badly, girl.” Julian moaned the confession as if in a great amount of pain. “I want to keep you forever.”

“Then why are you abandoning me?” Lily’s tears stopped.

Desolation whitened her face, making her dark eyes burn with dangerous will. “Is this your sick vengeance for me leaving you two years ago, Julian? Tell me you love me and then walk out?!”

108

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory He shook his head and lamented, “If only I was that wicked…”

Lily pressed closer to him. “You ARE that wicked.”

“Not this time.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s wrong.”

“You’ve never cared about right or wrong before.”

“I do now.”

“Liar!” She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re turning into some whiny Euro fag who hates his vampirism.”

Julian shrugged off the obvious dig at his ancestry and manhood. “No, I don’t hate being a vampire. I rather enjoy it.”

“Then why deny me?”

“Because,” Julian sighed. “I like you the way you are.”

“Bull. You’re afraid to turn me.” She stated it as fact. “You refuse me but you made Vivian.”

“Vivian was the last.”

Lily shook her head in pained realization. “Because you loved her too, didn’t you?”

Julian remained silent.

Lily’s sob echoed in accusation. “Damn you, Julian. You have to take everything away from me. Even this.”

Julian understood very well where this was going. “No, Lily, that’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. Even your love is second-hand. Even the first Resurrector you ever fucked wasn’t me—it was Vivian.”

“I coveted Vivian but I didn’t love her. Not how I love you.”

“Damn you! I hate you!” She slammed her fists against his chest. He didn’t fight back. “You’ve never loved me.”

“I do.” The taut whisper stilled Lily’s blows, but not her outrage. “I love you so very much, Lily.”

“No, you don’t! If you loved me you would give me what I want!” Her petulance matched her rage, transforming Lily into a very dangerous creature. “You took Vivian when she was a Resurrector and turned her. You were tortured for a year and went insane because you wouldn’t give up where she was! You gave me Ian and then took him away. Now you’ve given me love and you’re taking that too. I hate you!”

“They would’ve killed her.” Julian stated it simply.

“And so you were willing to die for Vivian?”

“Yes.” Julian knew he damned himself with that admission. Her eyes flared with uncontrollable fury. Part of him rejoiced in Lily’s wrath.

Hate could be powerful ally. Lily could use it to take control of her life.

Yes, but for how long? How long do you think Lily will last in this world? She’s already a shell of the girl she used to be. It’s only a matter of time.

109

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

The other part of him wanted nothing more than to sob at the truth of his thoughts.

“You’d die for her but you’d let me die instead.” The poisoned words were the only warning Julian received before Lily’s hand arced between them. She slapped him three times. “You’re so worthless.”

“I know.”

“You’re a pathetic excuse for a man.”

“Yes.”

“You sicken me. I hate you.”

His entire being shuddered in wretched despair. “Please don’t.”

Lily’s face mirrored Julian’s. Misery etched their mark across her brow. Her eyes glittered with instability. “I still want you.”

Julian reared back as if hit again. “No.”

“Yes. I want you anyway.” She wrapped her arms around him, without shame or pride. “I don’t care what you do to me anymore. Abuse me, hate me, torture me—but just don’t ever abandon me.”

Lily’s passionate plea sickened the vampire.

This is what I’ve reduced her to. I have to make this right.

“Look at you, darling. This is what you’ve dreamed of as a little girl? Loving a man who would hurt you in return?”

“It’s what you taught me.”

Regret lit his eyes with shame. “I did.” He gently untangled her arms from his waist and pushed her back. “Now I’m going teach you something else.”

His hand shot out and yanked the priceless chain from her slender waist. Several stones clattered on the floor.

“I never, EVER want to set eyes upon you again. Don’t look for me. If by chance you see me come down the street, cross and go the other way. Whatever you do, don’t darken your soul again. If you do, I promise you this—I WILL KILL YOU.”

“You’re lying!”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you fucking are! What the hell kind of game is this, Julian? Do you want me to beg you? Is that it?” she screamed. Lily dropped to her knees, indifferent to the pain shooting up both legs. “I’ll do it. Please, please don’t leave me. I’ll do whatever you want.”

This seemed to move Julian out of his vicious state. “Whatever I want?” he whispered evenly.

“Yes!” She grabbed his coat. “Whatever you want!”

“Anything?”

“Anything! Just tell me and I’ll do it! I swear!”

Julian took the little hand grasping his coat so desperately and used it to lift Lily to her feet. He kissed her fingertips, hoping to convey how precious she was to him. “Let me be a better man, Lily.”

110

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory Lily’s whole world came to an end. It was then that she knew she had somehow lost him. Her arm fell limply by her side. Tears continued to flow copiously from her red-rimmed eyes but her lips remained taut, sealed shut with terrible disbelief.

Julian recognized her surrender. He knew she wouldn’t say another spiteful word to him. He wanted to weep. She was so perfectly obedient, even until this ignoble end.

“I love you so much. I think I loved you from the moment I saw you. I’m sorry for everything I ever did to you. I’m sorry I only showed you hate when I wanted to show you love. I’m so very sorry for never telling you how much I loved you before. You were always worth so much more than me. You still are.”

Lily rasped, “If you leave me here, you know you’re leaving me to die.”

“Better that than what you’d become.” He swallowed once and smiled. “Goodbye, Lily.”

And with that final farewell, Julian Douglas walked out of Lily’s life.

Numbly, she stared at the closed door for several moments. He was gone. Lily turned around. She shuffled across the floor, bent like an old woman.

Julian was gone.

Lily collapsed. She pulled her knees up and laid her head against them. Her small body shook violently from the force of her silent sobs.

Forever.

He had given her forever—just not how she wanted.

Across the street, a lone figure stood on a rooftop. He gazed intently at the tiny, naked girl rocking back and forth in grief. As if he couldn’t handle seeing what he had wrought, he tore his broken gaze away from her and instead stared at the cold, silent moon.

Lily…

He felt no elation, no sadistic pleasure at breaking the young woman’s heart. Instead, Julian felt sickness spreading through every part of his body.

Oh, my darling little girl. Why do I have to love you? Why do I have to set you free when all I want is to keep you forever? Why do I have to be so FUCKED in the head?

Why couldn’t he keep her? Especially now that he knew he loved her?

Because I’ll kill her. I’ll never let her go and I’ll kill her. And I can’t do that to Lily. Anyone but her.

Julian’s shoulders sagged. He felt as if he had aged a thousand years in the last five minutes. Julian turned his head away from the symbol of his worthless existence to look through the dirty windows of 111

CLAUDIA D. CHRISTIAN

Lily’s apartment. What was forever without her? What did anything matter anymore? He had been dodging death for this girl and now he threw her away.

Why?

Because I love her.

Only he wouldn’t abandon Lily. She was absolutely right. If he left her there she’d be dead within a day. The assassins looking for him were most likely already in the city. It was only a matter of time before they’d find out he’d been here.

So now Julian had another reason to exist. He’d keep close, watching over Lily until the day she died. He’d kill for her and he’d live for her, but never again would he be with her. The weight of his newfound honor dropped him to his knees.

I love her. Oh god, I love her! Lily…Lily…I love you. Please hear me. Please, please, please!

Julian fell forward. Gravel dug into his immaculate flesh, but he cared for nothing other than his own perverse pain. A low animal whine erupted from his very core. He didn’t want it to be this way! His fists tightened as his back bowed. He could walk in there, take her, and never come back here again. He could restrain himself. He would because he had to. It wouldn’t matter how many times she begged. It wouldn’t matter how often she cried for her youth. He’d never give in to her pretty pleas. He was stronger than her mortality. He was stronger than his own sickness.

But then what?

What would he do when the first flush of youth faded and her death was more than a distant beacon? What would he do when the threat of losing Lily outweighed his need for her beautiful soul? How long before the shell was enough just to keep her by his side?

Julian bawled like an inconsolable child. Several minutes passed before he wearily lifted his head in time to watch Lily make her way to the bed. He saw her pick up a pillow. She held it against her face, breathing in deeply, before flinging the hapless object across the room.

Her form wavered as more tears filled his eyes. When she threw herself across the bed, he mimicked her actions. Lily’s screams reached his ears, mingling with the ones echoing hers.

He didn’t care whether anyone heard him. The glittering gold chain still in his fist dug against his cheek. Lily’s scent entered his body and inspired another terrible scream.

How can I exist without her?!

Lily never heard the wounded shrieks tearing apart the night.

Instead, she lay curled on her side, staring blankly at a wall. Her heart had shattered into a million pieces tonight. By abandoning her, Julian had crushed each piece beneath his heel, so there was no hope of repair and healing for Lily.

112

DEVIL’S DESCENT I: purgatory The shadows abruptly shifted, turning black with malice.

Lily watched as they took form. She told Julian she’d die if he left her there.

He didn’t believe me. He didn’t care.

Letting her mind drift back, she remembered when things first went so wrong for her. She remembered when she first fell under Julian’s cruel, dark spell. She thought about how she lost her will, her strength, and her very soul to a ruined vampire.

Lily’s nose twitched. The stench of rotting flesh filled her lungs.

She didn’t care. Instead, she stared in apathetic fascination as the twisting mass rose to the ceiling.

It’s time, he said. Julian was right again.

She hadn’t always been so weak when it came to him, but even so, she’d been ripe for his plucking.

It’s funny how it always ends and starts with, “I love you.”

Darkness fell over her.

“I love you.” It’s what I said to Ian. I killed him when I said those words—and I didn’t even know it. “I love you.” Julian killed me with those words…and I bet he knows it.

A large black hand touched Lily’s shoulder. Her flesh turned to ice. Lily’s body twitched once.

113

AUTHOR CHAT

Thank you so much for taking the time to read Devil’s Descent: volume 1. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. For those who wonder if this is the end—hell no! Volume II will take you back into Lily and Julian’s past. Eventually we will return back to where Volume I ended.

Until then…

Table of Contents

- Book Published by:
- CHAPTER ONE
- CHAPTER TWO
- CHAPTER SIX
- CHAPTER SEVEN