Author: Adam Mansbach
Date: 2014-11-12 05:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Humor; Fiction; Picture Books; Parenting; Childrens; Comedy; Poetry; Adult; Short Stories
Description: From the author of the international bestseller Go the Fuck to Sleep comes a long-awaited sequel about the other great parental frustration: getting your little angel to eat something that even vaguely resembles a normal meal. Profane, loving, and deeply cathartic, You Have to Fucking Eat breaks the code of child-rearing silence, giving moms and dads new, old, grand-, and expectant a much-needed chance to laugh about a universal problem. A perfect gift book like the smash hit Go the Fuck to Sleep (over 1.5 million copies sold worldwide!), You Have to Fucking Eat perfectly captures Adam Mansbac
Publisher: Akashic Books

You Have to Fucking Eat
by Adam Mansbach
illustrated by Owen Brozman

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be Adam Mansbach is the author of the #1 international reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted best seller Go the Fuck to Sleep, as well as the novels Rage in any form, by any means, including mechanical, Is Back, Angry Black White Boy, The Dead Run, and The End electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written consent of the publisher.

of the Jews, winner of the California Book Award. He has written for the New Yorker, the New York Times, Esquire, the Published by Akashic Books

Believer, and National Public Radio’s All Things Consid-Words ©2014 Adam Mansbach
ered. His daughter Vivien is six.

Illustrations ©2014 Owen Brozman
www.AdamMansbach.com

ISBN-13: 978-1-61775-378-7
eISBN: 978-1-61775-379-4

First printing

Owen Brozman has illustrated for National Geographic, Time Out New York, Scholastic, Ninja Tune, Defi nitive Jux, and numerous other clients. He and Mansbach’s previous collaboration is the acclaimed graphic novel Nature of the Beast, and his work has been recognized by the Society of Illustrators of Los Angeles, Creative Quarterly journal, 3x3 magazine, and many more. He lives in Brooklyn, New Akashic Books

York, with his wife and daughter, whose favorite food is Twitter: @AkashicBooks
bananas.

Facebook: AkashicBooks
info@akashicbooks.com
www.OwenBrozman.com
www.akashicbooks.com

For Vivien and Olivia

The sunrise is golden and lovely,

The birds chirp and twitter and tweet, You woke me and asked for some breakfast, So why the fuck won’t you eat?

The bunnies are munching on carrots, The lambs nibble grasses and bleat.

I know you’re too hungry to reason with but You have to fucking eat.

Your cute little tummy is rumbling

And pancakes are your favorite treat.

I’m kind of surprised that you suddenly hate them.

That’s bullshit. Stop lying and eat.

The giraffes pluck the tender young leaves up, The mice snack on seeds and on wheat.

No, sweetheart, I can’t make spaghetti, The fucking meal’s served. Time to eat.

If we were both pandas I’d know what to feed you, But seafood is scary, we’re leery of meat.

Half the food at the market is probably toxic, But fuck it, you still have to eat.

You’re not finished, and no, you can’t go to school In pajamas, a hat, and bare feet.

Whatever, put shoes on and bring me your plate, My whole diet’s the shit you won’t eat.

The sloth and the lemur, the chipmunk and cheetah, The slow and the sleek and the fleet Share one thing, my love: they make less of a mess Than you fucking do when they eat.

How was school, hon? Whoa, your lunch box is full.

How are you not passed out in the street?

How is it you’re smart? How the hell are you growing When you basically don’t fucking eat?

You know who loves dinner? The duck-billed platypus.

But I know I’m facing defeat.

This spoon-feeding shit makes me wonder Why the fuck we weaned you from the teat.

I hope you know it’s super-special

To go to a restau— Hey, back in your seat.

You shitting me? This whole menu’s crap to you But a roll on the floor— that you’ll eat?

Yum, this looks great. Five big bites, my darling.

Fine. Three, but don’t try to cheat.

A lot of kids don’t get asparagus,

Show some fucking respect for them. Eat.

Oh, now you’re hungry? Tough shit, kitchen’s closed.

Have some warm milk. For me a scotch, neat.

Pancakes? Yeah, right. It’s bedtime, child, It’s too goddamn late now to eat.

Okay. One pancake and that’s it,

You’re exhausting and I’m fucking beat.

And tomorrow we’ve got to rise early as roosters To fight more about what to eat.

I’m pretty sure that you’re malnourished And scurvied. My failure’s complete.

But on the bright side, maybe this is the night You’ll go the fuck to sleep.

The End

Document Outline

- Cover
- Title
- Copyright
- Dedication
- Begin Reading

Table of Contents

- Cover
- Title
- Copyright
- Dedication
- Begin Reading