Welcome

To

Happytown

Tim Miller

Tim Miller

Welcome to Happytown

© 2014, Tim Miller

San Antonio, TX

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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Cover photo provided by MadMaskMan

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Epilogue

Also by Tim Miller

About the Author

Chapter 1

April Kennedy sat in the car looking out the window. They had been on the road a little over an hour. She didn’t want to be on this trip; she wanted to be home. It had been almost eighteen months since she’d been abducted and tortured by a family of psycho rednecks. It was only by some miracle she had escaped. And it was a literal miracle.

After watching those animals torture, rape, and mutilate several other people, she had attempted to escape. During her attempt, she fell into a dirty swamp that smelled and looked funny. It had a greenish glow to it. Once she emerged, she had the strangest ability she’d ever heard of. All her life she’d read in comics about super heroes who get super strength, flight, telekinesis, and other cool powers. Hers was making men ejaculate without touching them.

That’s right; she can get guys off anytime she wants. At least she doesn’t have to touch them. Though an interesting side effect is once they get off, she can control their minds. She hadn’t used the ability at all since she escaped. Well, once. One of the killers and his cousin came after her at her home. She made them do horrible things to each other before they died. That was the last time.

Since then, she’d become a bit of a recluse. She didn’t go online or even have a cell phone. All she did was sit around the house and read all day. Her friend Stacy decided it was finally time to get her out of the house.

“You awake?” Stacy said from the seat next to her. She looked back toward her.

“I’m fine. I came along didn’t I?” April said.

“Yeah, but you haven’t said shit since we left.”

“Sorry. Just not used to going out I guess.”

“Yeah I know. You’re a fucking hermit. That’s why you’re coming with us to Dallas.”

“Whatever. Dallas is overrated anyway,” April said.

“Oh my God! How can you say that?” Kimberly said from the front passenger seat. She was one of Stacy’s friends, but April had hung out with her a few times. “I fucking love Dallas. So much more to do than San Antonio or Austin.”

“Like what?”

“You know. Lots of stuff.”

“Come on. Stop being so emo,” Stacy said. “I’m gonna make you have fun dammit. Maybe even get you laid.”

“Oh Jesus. Just what I need. A nameless drunk guy humping my shit.”

“You make it sound so romantic,” Stacy said.

“It’s just the truth,” April answered. Though she didn’t want to explain she could get the guy off without him having to hump anything. Before her incident, she had been a very sexual person. Since the incident however, she didn’t like being touched at all. While her assailants never did rape her, she watched them rape everyone else in horrible ways. That and just the fact she was naked and they had their hands on her at all. The mere thought of anyone touching her body at all made her want to scream.

“Whatever we do, it’ll be fun.”

“You know, if you have trouble getting laid, I can help you out with that?” Todd said. He was the driver and also Kimberly’s boyfriend. Kim smacked his arm. April never had trouble getting guys. She usually had the opposite problem; guys wouldn’t leave her alone. Todd had been flirting with her since the drive had started. She had often been told she could or should be a model, with her long black hair and bright blue eyes. Modeling wasn’t something she desired to do. Though anymore, she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life.

One thing she didn’t miss about social media was the constant messages from guys trying to pick her up. She didn’t mind the “Hello beautiful” messages so much. It was the “Wow, you are so hot. I just want to lick your pussy until you cum all over my face,” messages that drove her crazy. Even though in public guys would occasionally act stupid.

Todd was being the perfect example. She had just met him today, and this was at least the third time he’d referenced having sex with her. Kim was very pretty and seemed like a sweet girl. April couldn’t believe that he disrespects Kim to her face like that. She wondered what would happen if she used her power on him while he was driving.

“Don’t take that shit from him Kim,” April said. “Cut his ass off.”

“That’ll just make me work it even harder. She knows better,” Todd said as he smacked Kim’s thigh. “Don’tcha babe?”

Kim brushed his hand away without saying anything. He laughed, looked back at April and winked. She just glared at him as Stacy gave him the finger.

“Don’t mind him. He’s just messing around,” Stacy said.

“Yeah, I know,” April said just trying to change the subject from anything other than Todd.

“Fuck,” Todd said.

“What’s wrong?”

“Look at this traffic. There’s an accident up ahead. Goddammit look at that!”

April looked up ahead and saw cars in gridlock as far as she could see.

“How far up is the wreck?” she asked.

“I have no idea. Probably miles. Shit, this is gonna take hours,” he said hitting the steering wheel. “Fuck this.” He pulled off the shoulder and drove past the line of cars.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Kim screamed.

“I’m getting us out of this traffic. There has to be a way around.” After a quarter mile they reached an exit ramp where he pulled off.

“Where are we going?” Stacy asked.

“I’m trying to get around all this shit.”

As they drove, the access road was closed off to construction. April took a deep breath. This is why she hated road trips, especially to Dallas. There was always an accident or construction, or both. Todd turned off on a side road.

“I’m taking this detour. Fuck this traffic and shit. They were working on this last summer when I came out this way. Fuckers,” Todd grumbled.

“So do you know where we’re going?” April asked.

“Yes I know. We’re fine. This road loops right around and back onto the interstate.”

April looked back out the window. Todd was a douchebag and she had a feeling he had no clue where he was going. After almost an hour when they passed a sign that said “Welcome to Happytown” that feeling was confirmed.

Chapter 2

“What the fuck is Happytown?” April asked.

“Fuck if I know,” Todd said. “Some shitty ass town it looks like. I need to get gas so hopefully there’s a gas station here.”

They slowly rolled through the street. There was a bank on one corner and a post office next to it. All of the buildings were old, like something you’d see in a Wild West movie. An old man rode a bicycle across the street. A group of kids were playing catch in a parking lot behind one of the stores. Though as they drove by, they all stopped and stared at them. April looked away when one of them stared right at her.

“Ok, that’s not creepy at all,” she said.

“Maybe they don’t like strangers,” Stacy said.

They continued past more stores and some houses before they reached the gas station. It was an older style station, but had a sign out front that listed gas at $3.15 a gallon. At least the gas prices were modern. Todd pulled in at one of the pumps. Once he stopped, they all climbed out of the car. April stretched and let out a long yawn. She was stiff from sitting in the car so long.

“I’m going to use the bathroom and grab a drink,” April said.

“I’ll come along,” Kim said. “I’m thirsty.”

Todd was banging on the lever of the gas pump.

“Stupid pump isn’t on and they don’t take cards. I guess I’ll go in too and pre-pay. Shitty old town.”

Stacy ran along behind them as they all headed inside. The inside was small. There was a single cooler with a few drinks in it. The girls each grabbed one and headed to the counter where Todd was arguing with the attendant. The attendant wore a cowboy hat and work shirt and looked way too old to be working at a gas station unless he was the owner.

“What do you mean you can’t sell me gas?” Todd said.

“What I just said. I can’t sell you nothin’ until you visit the Funhouse,” the man said.

“The what? The Funhouse? What the fuck is the Funhouse?” Todd asked.

“Mind yer language son. I don’t tolerate that in my place a business. Now you wanna buy gas, drinks or anything else in this town? You visit the Funhouse. Them’s the rules.”

“What’s going on?” April asked.

“This douchebag says he can’t sell us gas or anything unless we visit some Funhouse first,” Todd explained.

“What Funhouse?”

“Look. I can tell by the way you all are dressed you’re city kids. We have our own ways out here. In this town, everyone who comes to visit hasta visit the fun house. It’s how it’s always been,” the man said.

“Says who?” April asked.

“Says everyone! Them’s the rules I said. Now, I got a business to run. I can’t help ya until you go visit the Funhouse. Go there then come back here. And don’t try to sneak back here sayin’ you went ‘cause I’ll know if you went or not. Go on now,” he said and went back to doing his crossword puzzle.

The four looked at each other before going outside. Once outside Todd kicked the gas pump.

“That’s fuckin’ bullshit! I should go in there and beat his ass!”

“Todd, calm down babe,” Kim said.

“Fuck that. That stupid hick is too good to help us? ‘Oh I can’t help you, go visit the Funhouse’,” he mocked in a fake accent.

“We’ll just keep going. Maybe there’s another gas station in town,” Kim said.

“I hope so. We won’t make it much further and there isn’t another place to stop for a while.” Todd said. “I don’t want to get stranded in Bum Fuck, Texas but this is fucking bullshit.”

“Just calm down,” April said. “Let’s go through town and see what else there is. Maybe this guy is just a kook.”

They climbed back into the car and drove back down the street. There were more houses and people walking around. It was a Saturday afternoon, but the heat was triple digits. April was amazed anyone was outside at all. There was a café down the street.

“Maybe we can stop there and ask if there’s another gas station somewhere.” April said. “Can’t hurt. Besides, I have to pee.”

“So do I,” Stacy said.

“All right, all right” Todd said. “We’ll stop.” He pulled over and they filed into the café. There were maybe a dozen people sitting around eating, all of which stopped and stared at them as they walked in. The townspeople were all dressed in work clothes; jeans, boots, work shirts. The four of them had on shorts, t-shirts, tank tops, and flip flops.

“You folks lost?” a waitress said. Her nametag said “Debi.”

“Is there another gas station around town?” Todd asked. “That one down here wouldn’t help us. We have money.”

“And can I use your bathroom?” April asked.

Debi looked them each over as if she were sizing them up for a fight.

“Y’all ain’t been to the Funhouse have ya?” Debi asked.

“What the fuck is the Funhouse? Why is it so important we go there? We just need some gas, something to drink, and a bathroom and we’ll be out of your hair. Shit, I’ll give you a hundred dollars to use the fucking bathroom,” Todd said.

“Don’t matter. You could have a million dollars. No Funhouse, no gas, no bathroom.”

“Fuck this,” Todd said pushing his way past Debi. As he did, several men in the café stood and drew guns, pointing it at the group.

“Do you assholes speak English?” one of the older men pointing a gun said. “The lady said no bathroom until you go to the goddamn Funhouse. How hard is that to understand?”

The group took a few steps back, but more men came up behind them.

“Now, you all had the chance to go. So Coy here is gonna make sure you all get there,” the man said.

They turned and a tall redneck with a cowboy hat stood behind them, holding a gun and smiling.

“Howdy. I’m Coy. My truck is outside. You all hop in the back. The Funhouse is just down yonder.”

“What is with the Funhouse? Why won’t you tell us?” Stacy asked.

“Shut yer mouth and get in the truck,” Coy said waving the gun. They went outside and for the first time noticed there was nothing but pickup trucks parked along the street.

“Mine’s the gray one right there,” Coy pointed. They climbed in the back as Coy started the engine and pulled into the street. They drove for a few blocks and made a few turns when they saw it. It was a huge building that may have once been a factory. Now it was colored red and white with streamers hanging from the roof.

They pulled up to the front which was a giant clown head with its mouth open. There was a door inside the mouth. The truck stopped and Coy hopped out.

“Here we are. Get on out now,” he said pointing the gun at them. “Go on in there.”

Todd and the girls looked at each other. April just shrugged.

“Let’s just go through the stupid fucking Funhouse so we can get some gas already,” she said. “You gonna wait for us?”

“Nope,” Coy said. “Someone will take ya back when yer done. Don’t you worry.”

“Is the place even open?” April asked. “There’s no one here it looks like.”

“Oh it’s open all right. Just go on in that door. They’ll get ya started,” Coy said before he got back in the truck and drove off.

They walked together toward the door. Kim squeezed Todd’s arm tightly as they walked. Stacy squeezed April’s arm.

“What’s wrong with you?” April asked.

“I’m scared. This is fucking weird,” Stacy said.

“I know. It’s just stupid. Let’s just get it over with.”

They reached the door and Todd pulled it open. They jumped as loud circus music began playing over a nearby speaker. Stacy screamed at the noise as her nails dug into April’s arm. The door slammed shut behind them with a bang that echoed through the room. There was a long hallway with a counter in front of them.

From the hallway, there was a silhouette moving toward them. When it stepped into the light, they saw that it was a clown. He was medium height, with green poofy hair on the sides, no hair on top and the usual white face with a big red smile painted on his face, although it looked off. It was almost too big, almost touching his ears. April couldn’t tell if the man was really smiling or not. Besides, she hated clowns.

“Hey kids!” the clown said. “Welcome to the Funhouse! I’m Uncle Monkey. This is my place! Welcome!”

Chapter 3

“Uncle Monkey?” Todd said. “So do you like to spank the monkey? Haha!”

Uncle Monkey looked at the four of them before busting out in sarcastic laughter.

“Hohoho! Hahaha! That is hilarious kid! Never heard that one before! I don’t need to spank the monkey though. I’m sure one of these fine pieces of ass would be more than happy to,” Uncle Monkey said winking at the girls. April for no reason she could think of, crossed her arms as if she were covering herself.

“What the fuck? I’m gonna beat you’re ass bitch!” Todd yelled.

“Oh now. Not so fast. I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Uncle Monkey said, putting his hand up. “You all need to go through here before you can get out of town, so I suggest you do. Now, enough of your dick waving. Let’s get down to business.” He picked up a bell and rang it three times. Another clown emerged from the back. This one was short and hunched over.

He was bald with the usual white face paint, but his mouth was painted into a frown and he had a big red ball on his nose. He had a small pirate hat on and was wearing a black and yellow jumpsuit.

“This is Crazy Koko. Look out for him. He’s a wild one!”

“Hello folks,” he said in a low voice that almost sounded like Chumley the Walrus. “Ready to get started?”

“How is he crazy?” April asked.

“Awww, he looks so sad,” Kim said.

“It’s just his makeup. I’m sure he’s fine,” April said.

“It’s not nice to assume lady. I could assume you were a stinky whore the way you’re dressed. Haha!” He squeezed his nose, causing it to honk as he leaped in the air.

“Ok then,” April said.

“Right this way folks. Keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times!” Crazy Koko said.

“Bye kids! See you on the other side! Don’t have too much fun!” Uncle Monkey called from behind them.

They headed down the dark hall behind Crazy Koko. It was long and pitch black.

“This isn’t very fun for a funhouse,” Stacy said.

“Patience lady!” Crazy Koko snapped. “The fun hasn’t even started!”

They reached a set of large double doors. Crazy Koko pushed them open to reveal another long hallway. There was no floor, just a narrow bridge that stretched out almost fifty feet to another doorway. The bridge was painted red and white and the loud, obnoxious circus music was blasting again.

“Here you go kids! This is where you’re on your own! Have fun!”

“We have to walk across that?” Todd asked.

“Walk, run, skip. However you can get across! Just don’t fall!” Crazy Koko said before skipping off into the darkness. They heard him laughing as he disappeared.

“What the fuck?” Todd asked.

“Let’s just go one at a time. It’s too narrow to try otherwise,” April said.

“What’s down there?” Kim asked leaning over. April glanced too but it was too dark to see anything.

“I don’t know, and don’t want to know. This gives me the creeps,” April said. She was beginning to wish she’d used her ability on the men at the café. It had been so long since she’d used it though. She wasn’t sure how well it would work if at all, and didn’t want to put her friends at any more risk. After all, it was only a funhouse.

“So who goes first?” Todd yelled over the music.

“Why don’t you go? Make sure it’s safe,” Kim asked.

“Fuck that. Ladies first,” he said stepping away. He walked to the double doors and pushed on them, but they wouldn’t budge. “Fuckers locked us in.”

“I’ll go, Jesus Christ,” April said.

Without hesitating, she got onto the bridge and walked quickly straight across without incident. When she got to the other side she turned and held her hands up.

“There! Easy! Now come on.”

Kim went next, then Stacy. Finally Todd went. He walked slower and almost lost his balance about halfway across but he made it. Once they reached the other side, they stepped through the doorway into the next room. This room was round and as the last of them stepped in, the door closed and the floor started moving. They were inside a giant cylinder. April had seen these before as a kid. It was called a Barrel of Fun, except this one kept speeding up.

They took a few steps before falling over. Kim screamed as she tried to balance herself on Todd, who was also falling. They each flopped around each other as if they were inside a tumble dryer. April tried to pull herself across. This was much longer than the “Barrel” she went on as a kid. It went on for at least a hundred feet. She kept low to the ground and crawled as her friends kept trying to stand up and fell over.

Using her elbows to pull herself, she reached the end, but only after getting rolled onto her back several times. She hit her shoulder hard at one point, sending a jolt of pain through her arm all the way to her neck. She was able to ignore it enough to reach the edge of the barrel and tumble into the next corridor. She turned to see the others tumbling around in a tangled mess.

“Guys! Crawl! Don’t try to walk! Get on your stomachs and crawl!” she screamed.

The barrel sped up even more, knocking the group around in a vicious circle. They’d roll to the top before falling back the bottom and then repeating it. They either couldn’t hear her, or were in too much of a frenzy to follow her instructions.

“Fuck it,” she mumbled as she slid on her stomach back into the barrel. It was harder to move and her shoulder ached with each movement. She reached the group and grabbed Kim’s hand. Kim was crying as April began crawling backward holding Kim’s hand. She stumbled along, trying to crawl on her hands and knees, but they made it out. Todd managed to follow them and Stacy was trying to make her way back. April crawled back in about halfway and grabbed Stacy’s hand. April pulled with all her strength until Stacy was out.

They all sat around for a moment, each of them breathing heavily.

“Well, that was fun,” Todd said.

“Yeah, it was a real barrel of laughs,” April said.

“God, that is horrible,” Stacy said. “Seriously?”

“What can I say? You ok Kim?” April asked. Kim was sitting, hugging her knees. Her face was banged up, with blood coming from her lip.

“I’m fine,” Kim said.

“What’s in the next room?”

They stood and walked through the corridor. The door slammed shut behind them as they all stumbled onto the floor, which was soft and bouncy.

“It’s like a bounce house!” Kim said.

“Yeah, real fun,” April said. It was very springy, with each step they bounced several feet.

“So we just walk across again?” Stacy asked.

“Probably. This shouldn’t be too hard,” Todd said as he began hopping across. There was a large bang above them, followed by a mechanical, vibrating sound.

“What the fuck was that?” Todd asked.

April looked up. It took her a second in the low light, but when she saw it her stomach instantly went into knots.

“Fuck,” she said. “The ceiling is coming down.”

Chapter 4

Uncle Monkey sat at the console watching the four kids go through the Barrel of Fun.

“Hey! They made it!” Crazy Koko said from behind him.

“Yeah. I figured they would. Most people make it through there.”

“Cool! They can make it to the fun parts!” Crazy Koko said almost jumping up and down.

“We sure love the fun parts. In the heart of the Funhouse. That’s where the good times are. Where is Creampuff?”

“I think he’s in the maze, waiting.”

“Ok good. They’ll be there soon. You should head there too.”

“Oh! Goody!” Crazy Koko said as he scampered off.

Uncle Monkey remembered when he was that enthusiastic. That had been a long time ago. He had another name back then, but he doesn’t remember it. His parents had come through Happytown. He was ten years old. The clowns at that time took a liking to him. That was just after the war, around 1946. Clowns didn’t scare him as a child. That was long before Stephen King. He liked the clowns. The main one, Dirty Rusty wasn’t much taller than he had been.

Dirty Rusty liked to juggle and entertained him by juggling bowling pins, balls and even fruit. He made the stuff go way high in the air, behind his back and through his legs. Uncle Monkey never could learn those tricks no matter how hard he tried. The rules were the same back then, anyone who came through town had to go through the Funhouse. Dirty Rusty didn’t make him though. He got to hang out and watch the clowns do tricks.

It had been a lot of fun, until his parents didn’t come back out. At least not in one piece anyway. Dirty Rusty said that happens sometimes, and told him he could join them. So he became a clown. They gave him his own outfit, did his makeup. At the time, his name was Little Monkey. It wasn’t until later he became Uncle Monkey.

Through the years, he’d seen many travelers go through the Funhouse. Some of them made it, but most didn’t. No changes were ever made and no new “attractions” ever added. The Funhouse always remained the same. Clowns came and went. The most clowns he’d ever seen at once was six, the fewest was one. That was the worst.

It always seemed like every week, a few people came to the Funhouse. Over the years it had always happened. There was never a long dry spell. No one in town ever bothered them. Once a week someone dropped of supplies and that was it. No visitors, no leaving the Funhouse. Those were the rules. A few clowns broke the rules over the years and they paid for it.

He looked back up into the camera and saw them in the bounce room. The ceiling had activated. Part of him hoped they made it through, but part of him hoped the ceiling crushed them. That way they would just get it over with. These first two rooms had been child’s play compared to what they were in for. Looking up at the monitor, Crazy Koko was in the maze, looking up and giving thumbs up into the camera.

At least Koko liked to have fun. Creampuff was another story all together. He tried to find him on the camera, but he wasn’t in site. That was typical. He hated the cameras. He hated people in general. So he was hanging out in the maze somewhere. No doubt he had something whacky planned. Uncle Monkey sat back in his chair and looked back up at the monitor. May as well relax and enjoy the show.

Chapter 5

The ceiling was coming at them quickly. They had to try and move across the bouncy floor without going too high as they would hit the ceiling, which was getting lower and lower. But they had to get across before being crushed. Todd was the first to make it across. April was almost to the other side when Kim screamed from behind. She turned and saw that Kim had fallen and couldn’t get her footing.

This time, Stacy was nearby and grabbed Kim’s hand and put her arm around her shoulder. Together the girls carefully made their way across the bouncy surface toward the corridor. They had to bend at the waist by the time they made it, but April was there to pull them through just as the ceiling closed.

“Motherfucker!” Todd said. “Let us out of here you pricks! You hear me!” he screamed.

“They can’t hear you,” April said. “Even if they could, you think they’ll let us out now? A bunch of fucked up clowns?”

“I’m scared you guys,” Kim said. “That barrel thing was fucked up, but that shit just now? We could have been killed. Are they trying to kill us?”

“They brought us here at gunpoint,” Todd said. “What do you think genius?”

“You know, I’m really getting sick of you talking to her that way,” April said.

“It’s none of your fucking business how I talk to my girlfriend,” Todd replied, stepping closer to her. April took a step up until they were almost nose to nose, though Todd was a few inches taller.

“You think you’re tough?” he said. “You a tough bitch?”

“You’re about to find out,” April said. She was gonna use her ability on him and make him rip out his own hair right then and there, until Stacy stepped between them.

“Hey guys, we still have a ways to go,” Stacy said. “Let’s save our energy, ok? And she’s right Todd. Don’t be such a douchebag.”

He stepped away laughing.

“How about that Kim? I think she wants me,” he said.

April stood there glaring at him. Stacy patted her on the shoulder.

“It’ll be ok. I know he’s a dick,” she said.

“Next time he gets stuck in an obstacle, I’m leaving him,” April said.

“Ok then. Should we keep going?”

They walked through the corridor and into a large room. They could tell it was about the size of a warehouse and it was filled with mirrors. The lights went off and strobes began blinking as more circus music played along with someone laughing over the loud speakers.

“Here we are kids! We’re getting to the real meat of the Funhouse! This is our Maze of Mirrors!” Uncle Monkey called over the speakers. “Crazy Koko is hiding in here somewhere! So is Creampuff! See if you can find your way out before they find you! Hahahahaha!” His voice clicked off as the music continued.

“This fucking sucks,” Todd said.

“It does. You go first this time,” April said. “Ladies first and all.”

He turned and gave her the finger.

“Fine, I’ll go. I ain’t scared of a bunch of mirrors and a couple of weird ass clowns.” He took a few steps forward and disappeared behind a row of mirrors. Kim followed behind him as April and Stacy went in together. Stacy held April’s hand as they slowly walked in.

“I doubt some clown is going to jump out at us already,” April said.

“Just the idea. I hate clowns as it is, let alone these fucking weirdos,” Stacy said.

“Yeah, well I’m not sure what is up with this place or why they want to hurt us. I just want to get us out of here.”

They wandered through the maze, seeing their reflections in every mirror. Some of them trick mirrors, where they looked super fat in one, then tall and skinny in another. Todd and Kim had gone another way through the maze. They’d lost sight of them. There was no way to yell for them over the noise. April figured that was the idea.

As they reached one corner, April noticed the mirror didn’t show their reflection at all.

“That’s weird, you see that?” she said to Stacy. As they got closer, she reached up to touch it when Crazy Koko appeared in the glass laughing.

“Hahahaha! You don’t want do that!” he said laughing and pointing. The girls jumped back so fast, they ran into one of the mirrors. They were thick and heavy. The impact caused April’s sore shoulder to sting again. Looking back Crazy Koko was gone. That mirror was some kind of screen or something. The image had just been a video playback. Whatever it was, it scared the shit out of them.

“You ok?” April asked.

“I think so. I think I pissed myself.”

“You and me both.”

They continued around another corner. There was no way to tell where the hell they were. Everything looked the same. As they turned one corner April saw him. He was knelt down with his back turned, but stood slowly as he turned to face the girls. They took steps back as he stood.

“Is that Creampuff?” Stacy asked.

“If it is, we’re fucked.”

He towered over them, wearing a full clown suit, big floppy shoes and pom pom buttons, the whole suit was blue and green with a bright yellow wig which stuck out in every direction. His face was bright white with his mouth painted on in an O shape. His eyes had the shape of an eye painted onto the outside of his eyelids, so it was hard to tell when his eyes were open or closed. He took a few steps toward them as they backed up.

“April?” Stacy said.

She wasn’t going to risk their lives again. So she concentrated, thinking of her ability, channeling it to the clown. He stopped for a moment and looked down. April waited for him to react so she could control him. But he didn’t. After a few seconds he looked back up at her and continued advancing. What the fuck?

“April?”

“Run!” April yelled as they both turned and took off.

Chapter 6

Kim tried to keep up with Todd who was racing through the maze as if he knew the way out.

“Do you know where you’re going?” she asked.

“It’s a fucking funhouse maze. How hard can it be?”

“Yeah, if you haven’t noticed, this isn’t a usual funhouse. I’ve never been in one that tried to kill me.”

“Just shut up already. I’m trying to concentrate.”

She isn’t sure when he turned into such an asshole. When she first met him a year ago he was very sweet and fun to be around. They started dating shortly after. After six months or so is when he began getting jealous. He cheated on her once that she knew of. When she confronted him with it, he said it was her fault for “not putting out.” She hadn’t been putting out, but that’s because she’d been sick off and on for a couple months. So instead of being by her side, he started fucking some waitress from the pub she used to work at.

It frustrated her to think about it. She remembers the argument. She had everything rehearsed in her mind how she was going to tell him off and throw his ass out. Somehow he turned the table. He said it was her fault; she had been selfish and neglected him and his needs. She tried to argue with him, but he was so good at twisting her words and confusing her.

“I was sick!” she’d said.

“For two months? Right. You were lying around feeling sorry for yourself. Hell, I’ve fucked you when I didn’t feel good. I’ve been downright tired and still gave you some dick, and I have to do all the work! You just gotta lay there.”

She honestly didn’t know what to say to that. What could she say? The whole argument went like that. She’d say something, and he’d bat it right back at her. By the time they were done, she was crying and he was comforting her. Todd wins again.

Stacy had been bugging her to break up with him for a long time. She wanted to break up, but was sure Todd wouldn’t handle it very well, and she hated fighting with him. So there she was.

“Where do you think Stacy and April are? Shouldn’t we go find them?” she asked.

“They’ll be fine. I’m sure April has it all under control. I bet we’re almost out of here anyway,” he said as they turned a corner, which led to a dead end. They turned around and doubled back. Kim tried not to look right at any of the mirrors, the weird reflections creeped her out. Especially the one she actually did look at. There was a giant clown face and it was laughing.

“Jesus!” she said. “That scared the shit out of me!”

“It’s just one of those stupid clowns,” he said. “It’s like a video or something.” He walked over and tapped on the glass which slid backward and opened to the right, revealing some kind of compartment.

“Well look at that!” Todd said. “You think that’s some kind of way out?”

“I don’t know. It’s all black in there. I wouldn’t go in there.”

He stuck his head in, leaning against the outside. Kim took a few steps back as her stomach tightened. Turned out she was right. Todd began screaming as he jumped back. His head and face were covered in spiders, tarantulas. Hundreds of them scurried out of the opening. Even more rained down on them from the ceiling. Kim screamed as the furry arachnids landed on her head, face, and shoulders.

“Where are they coming from?” Todd screamed.

“I don’t know! Get them off me! Get them off me!” Kim screamed as she ran. Her eyes were shut as she ran. She gagged after screaming when one of the spider’s legs went inside her mouth. Unable to see, she collided with one of the mirrors and shattered it. Glass shards cut into her face and hands as she tumbled to the ground.

There were more spiders on the ground, so many it felt like the floor was moving. She looked around but Todd was nowhere to be found. She looked at her hands and saw they were covered in blood. Her right hand had a huge piece of glass protruding from the back of it. She touched it, but searing pain shot down her arm, as if it were on fire.

She stood as the spiders stopped coming from above, but they were all over the ground. She rounded a corner, feeling her way along the mirrors for guidance. Blood ran into her eyes, making it hard to see. She got around another corner when she heard laughter. It wasn’t Todd laughing though.

“Todd? Is that you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Todd? Todd? Is that what you call me? I’m much prettier than Todd! Hahahahaha!” the voice said. It was one of the clowns.

She wiped her eyes and forced them open. Crazy Koko was standing just feet away. Though his makeup frown was now a smile, an ugly smile.

“Oh my God!” Kim said as she saw him.

“What’s wrong honey? Don’t I get a kiss?” he said with his arms out.

“What do you want?” she was so bewildered by the clown, she almost forgot about the spiders.

“I want to play!” He reached into his clown suit and undid one of the bottom buttons. He pulled out his penis, but it was freaky looking. It was long, white as his face, and the tip was a big, red bulb. He squeezed the bulb and it made a honking sound as a thick, green, mucous-y liquid squirted out, some of it hit her in the face. She screamed as he let go of the snake-like body part and charged her.

Chapter 7

Coy sat just down the street from the Funhouse looking on. He couldn’t hear anything happening inside the place. In fact, he’d never set foot inside the Funhouse. He grew up in Happytown, so he was exempt. Uncle Monkey had only come out once that he could remember, and that hadn’t been pretty. No sir, them clowns could stay right where they were, inside that creepy place.

Part of him felt bad for sending those kids in there. This was his first time taking a group to the place by himself. The other times it had been him and a group of men from the town, so he took a secondary role. It was easy to excuse himself from those. He pretty much sat back and watched the other men handle everything.

This time though, it was all him. He’d heard stories of what goes on in there. The rules were, any outsider has to go through the Funhouse. Truth was that very few, if any, ever made it out. Another truck came pulling up as he sat. It was Old Man Gunn. He was sort of the town patriarch, even though he had no actual family to speak of.

“There you are,” he said as he rolled down the window. “We were startin’ to wonder if you’d gone in there with ‘em.”

“No sir,” Coy answered. “Just kinda looking at the place. I never looked closely at it before. What all is in there?”

“Uncle Monkey and his boys are in there. That’s all you need to know son.”

“I know. I mean, like people who go in, what all do they have to do? How do the clowns in there eat and such?”

“We drop off a supply truck once a week there. They take care of the rest. What’s with all the questions?”

“I dunno. Just kinda feel bad I guess. They seemed like good kids, especially the one girl, the dark haired one with the blue eyes.”

“So that’s it. Yeah, she’s a looker all right. But not yours for the taking. That’s the rules. They’re outsiders. All outsiders go straight to the Funhouse,” Old Man Gunn said.

“I get it. But whose rule is that? That thing has been there since I was a kid. Where’d it come from?”

“Jesus kid. You ask way too many questions. That thing has been here longer than any of us. I’m not sure where it came from myself. It was there when I was a boy. Back then we had to bring folks back here on horseback. Now we just drive ‘em right to the front door. I used to have the same questions you did. You know what my Pa did when I asked shit like that?”

“What’s that?”

“He walked me right up to the front door. I was no more than maybe twelve at the time. One of them clowns stuck his head out and waved. Scared the goddamn shit outta me. Them clowns aren’t your circus variety. They’re something else entirely.”

“Like what?” Coy asked.

“Hell if I know. That was the first and only time I actually seen one of them. You know Uncle Monkey came into town a few years ago. Thank God I missed that.”

“Yeah. I remember. Didn’t someone feed an outsider?”

“That’s exactly what happened. Don’t ask me how he knew, he just did. Mrs. Johnson took pity on the poor fool and gave him some coffee. No sooner did he take a sip when Uncle Monkey was at her door. Full clown getup and all.”

“So what happened? I just heard she disappeared.”

“That’s exactly what happened. He took her back to the Funhouse I reckon. She ain’t been heard from since. That’s the last time anyone around here even tried to help an outsider.”

“Did anyone else see Uncle Monkey?”

“A few of the neighbors did. Said he just appeared outta nowhere and walked right up to her front door. Soon as they saw him, they ran back inside.”

“How’d they know it was him? Aren’t there a bunch of clowns in there?”

“Beats me. There you go again with all the questions. I probably told you too much as it is.”

“Sorry Mr. Gunn. Just don’t make sense to me, all the secrecy.”

“To protect the Funhouse and protect this town. How you think no outside authorities ever show up here? No tellin’ how many outsiders have disappeared in there. Yet no one from the outside ever comes looking for them. You think that’s an accident?”

“I don’t suppose it is,” Coy said.

“Damn right. It’s because we don’t ask questions and keep our mouths shut. The town keeps thriving and everyone leaves us alone. I aim to keep it that way. Make sense?”

“I reckon so.”

“Sure it does. Now come in back into town. I’ll tell Ruby to make you some a her pecan pie.”

“Now that sounds real good!”

“Good. I’ll see ya back in town,” Old Man Gunn said as he rolled up the window and drove off. He did a turnabout and headed back into town. Coy didn’t leave though. He drove back to the parking lot and climbed out of his truck. From there, he looked some more at the large building. Everything Old Man Gunn had told him made perfect sense, yet he felt he needed to see it for himself. Against his better judgment, he walked toward the Funhouse looking up at it. There were no windows or any way to see in, but he needed to. Whatever was going on in there was eating at him. Maybe the pretty blue eyed girl would fall for him if he went in and rescued her. Maybe it was too late. He took a deep breath and headed to the front door. Whatever was about to happen, his questions would be answered.

Chapter 8

April bolted around a corner with Stacy close behind. The huge clown’s footsteps could be heard thundering over the crazy music that never stopped playing. Looking in one of the mirrors, April saw the clown was still behind them, though he looked even freakier through the mirror’s distortion. It was gaining on them and she couldn’t run any faster.

“April!” Stacy screamed. April hadn’t realized Stacy had fallen so far behind her, and now the clown had her by the hair.

“Stacy!” April yelled. She didn’t know why her ability hadn’t worked on the clown. Maybe it wasn’t really a guy? Maybe it wasn’t human? Though if he wasn’t human what the hell was he?

The clown flung Stacy into a mirror, shattering it.

“No!” April screamed as Stacy staggered backward, her face already soaked in blood. He lifted her up by the hair, pulling her several inches off the ground. He looked at April, as if he was daring her to do something. His O shaped smile was now a large, grotesque grin.  Stacy had been her friend since grade school. They’d been through everything together. She couldn’t imagine losing her now, not this way.

She charged at the clown, who just stood there holding Stacy. Before she reached him, he flung Stacy back into another mirror, this time letting her flop to the ground. April lunged at his legs, throwing herself into a body roll. He hadn’t expected that move, and went toppling to the ground. She climbed his back and began clawing at his face.

Immediately she realized two things, one, his face didn’t feel like skin. It felt fake, almost rubbery. The second thing was the clown makeup wasn’t makeup at all. That was his actual face. None of these things mattered at the moment, other than she didn’t seem to be causing him any pain. His huge hands flailed behind his head and managed to grab a handful of her hair. As he began to pull, she dug her claws into the side of his face, when there was another scream. Todd appeared from around a corner and was running toward them. The huge clown reached his arm out and grabbed Todd’s leg, tripping him onto his face.

While his attention was on Todd, April jumped to her feet and ran to Stacy who was conscious, but dazed.

“Stacy, come on we gotta go!” April said.

Stacy mumbled something as April threw her arm around her neck and helped her up. The clown had turned his attention to Todd who was now screaming. As horrible as it sounds, she had no desire to help Todd whatsoever. She also didn’t want to go in the direction from which he was running, but had no choice at the moment.

Before she turned the corner, the clown had lifted Todd off the ground by his leg and was peeling his clothes off him as if he were a giant banana. Once they were around the corner she could still hear him screaming. Carrying Stacy was slowing her down, but she wasn’t about to leave her friend behind.

“April?” Stacy asked.

“Yeah girl, it’s me. Just hang on, keep moving your feet. We’re getting the fuck out of here.”

“Did you see that clown?”

“Yeah, I saw him. Big motherfucker.”

They hobbled around several more corners. April had no idea where they were or how to get out of this hell, but she was determined to find the way. After a few more twists and turns, April stopped and sat Stacy down.

“What’s going on?” Stacy asked.

“Nothing. I think we’re safe for a bit. I want to look at you for a minute,” April said as she looked at Stacy’s face. There were shards of glass sticking out of her cheek and forehead. She had lacerations on one side of her face and her lip. There was a ton of blood, but nothing she could do about it. She did her best to pull the glass out of the wounds. Stacy cried out each time, but at least she got it all.

“Ok,” April said. “Let’s move.”

“What’d that thing do to Todd?” Stacy asked.

“I don’t know, best not to think about it.” She pulled her up and was startled by the sound of a laughing clown. She turned around and another one of those mirrors had some huge clown head laughing again.

“Jesus that is freaky as hell,” April said.

“Come on kids!” the clown face said. “You’re not going to just slither on out of here are you?”

The mirror slid a few inches upward as dozens of snakes began crawling out. April couldn’t tell what kind or if they were poisonous, but she didn’t give a shit. She hated snakes. There was a groaning sound above them and something banging. She looked up to see a huge tank attached to the ceiling open up as even more snakes rained down on them. Stacy screamed and April shuddered as each of the scaly creatures bounced off her.

They began running, but one was already wrapping itself around April’s leg. She pulled it off and threw it aside as they hobbled along. She wished Stacy could run, but it was up to her to get them away from the things. April stepped on one snake which bit her ankle. It sent a sharp wave of pain through her leg. She hoped to God it wasn’t poisonous.

Stacy’s feet got tangled up in several snakes; tripping her and sending them both tumbling to the ground, face first. The ground was covered with the slithering creatures as April tried to get to her feet, but lost her footing. Within seconds a snake had slithered up her shirt as several more were crawling over her face and body. She looked to see Stacy completely covered with snakes, reaching her hand out toward April. Unable to move, April did the one thing she could do. She screamed.

Chapter 9

“Whoa! You’re nice and tight! Hahahaha!” Crazy Koko bellowed as he thrust his weird clown penis in and out of Kim’s vagina. With each thrust, the tip made a muffled honking sound from inside her. Not to mention, whatever that green sludge was squirted inside her every time it honked. Kim tried to scream but he’d shoved a rag into her mouth and yanked on her hair by the handful bouncing off her backside.

“Giddy up little horsey! Yeehaw!” he screamed. “Hahahaha!”

The clown’s sludge sperm burned her insides. She felt like someone shoved a hot poker up inside her. Her eyes watered as the pain intensified. The clown went from howling and laughing to grunting and moaning, sounding like some kind of wild animal.

She tried to distance herself from her body, taking her mind to somewhere else. Closing her eyes, they never made this detour. They made it to Dallas with no problems. Instead of being in this funhouse hell, she was with her friends walking around the water park. They would go down the biggest water slides in the state, and then splash around in the huge pool. Todd would be with her and not staring at every girl that walked by. Everything would be great with her friends and having fun.

The whole trip had been Stacy’s idea. She’d met Stacy in her political science class earlier in the year. Stacy had introduced her to April who seemed real nice, if not a little weird. Although after what Stacy had told her about what April had gone through, it was no wonder. The original idea was for it to be an all-girl trip, but as usual Todd had found a way to inject himself into the whole thing and ended up taking over. Now they were here, and she was going through a hell of her own. She wondered what exactly April had gone through and if she could be as strong as her.

“Holy shit girl!” the clown screamed as he slammed her face into the ground, snapping her out of her thoughts. He let out a final grunt as a huge wad of sludge shot out from his penis, filling her with worse pain than she’d been feeling before. He pulled away and stood. His weird shaped penis was throbbing as green sludge dripped from the red bulb.

“Whew! That was some good stuff! I’m sure glad too. It’s been awhile. Say, you think your friends would be into me too? I mean, I know I’m not much in the looks department, but I got it where it counts! Right? Hahahaha!” He put his penis away as she sat up and pulled the rag out of her mouth. She could barely lift her arms, as all her limbs felt as if they were weighed down. Her head began to spin as nausea took hold of her.

“What did you do to me? Why does it hurt so bad?” she asked, as she pulled her shorts and panties back on.

“Oh, just a little surprise is all. Just gotta add water!” He said as he grabbed a flower from his chest and squeezed it. A high powered stream of water sprayed her in the face, and then down her body, soaking her clothing. She gagged and spit as water hit her nose and went down her throat.

“There we go! Isn’t this fun?” he said.

Her head was still spinning as her stomach began to cramp. First it was a mild pain, but turned excruciating in seconds. She doubled over holding her stomach which started to throb under her hands. As she let go, it bubbled out as if the flesh were boiling. She cried out as her stomach began to swell, as if it were a balloon being inflated.

“Oh my God! What’s happening to me? What did you do?” she cried.

“Just a little present for you is all. Look at it grow!” He clapped his hands while hopping up and down.

Her stomach continued to swell, stretching the skin to its limit as more pain shot through her whole body, her screaming as it continued to grow. Finally her skin began to tear away. Muscle and fatty tissue with chunks of flesh splattered onto the floor as her stomach continued tearing apart. A small, white hand appeared from inside of her.

“What the fuck is that?” She screamed as the hand grabbed her leg, pulling itself out of her stomach. A little white bald head appeared, and then exposing a tiny naked white body. The thing turned and looked at her with a smile on its face. A clown smile.

Kim screamed as the hideous clown baby crawled to its feet. It was more of a toddler than an infant. It had a tiny clown/horn penis like his “dad.” Crazy Koko stood there jumping up and down. The baby mimicked him, jumping up and down, clapping its hands and laughing with a high pitched cackle.

Kim looked at the huge, shredded hole in her body. Blood and fluid were oozing out and onto her legs and the floor. There was an egg shaped ball lying next to her. It was one of her ovaries. The clown baby stumbled over, picked it up and took a bite, smiling as he chewed.

“Hungry!” he said.

“Haha! That’s my boy!” Crazy Koko yelled from behind him.

Blood was pooling all around Kim as she watched this demonic offspring she just spawned eating one of her ovaries. The dizziness increased as she fell from a sitting up position, onto her back. Her own blood splashed against the back of her neck and into her hair, matting it down. Staring up at the ceiling, her vision began to fade and by this point, she didn’t care. Going to sleep felt like the best thing. Maybe she was actually waking up from this nightmare. As her eyes drifted shut, the last thing she saw was the two, slightly out of focus, clown faces staring at her and laughing.

Chapter 10

April felt a snake crawling up her shirt and against her skin. It slithered between her breasts and across her neck. Whatever kind of snake it was, it was long and thick. She held Stacy close to her, squeezing her tightly as more of the snakes crawled over and around them. They held perfectly still. April hated snakes, always had. The thought of these things touching her made her want to jump out of her skin, but she couldn’t move.

Her ankle was beginning to throb where she had been bitten. She had no idea if she’d been poisoned or not. She closed her eyes as the snakes crawled over and under them, every muscle in her body tensed. Stacy trembled in her arms. After several minutes, April no longer felt the snakes on top of her. Opening her eyes, there were still a few, but they were dispersing. Many were slithering around the corner or under the mirrors.

“Stacy!” she said. “Are you ok? Are you bit?”

“No,” she mumbled.

“No you’re not ok? Or no you’re not bit?”

“I’m not fucking bit. But I’m pretty far from ok.”

“Fair enough. We have to move,” April said pulling Stacy to her feet. The blood on her face had mostly dried, leaving brown crust all over her face and hair. Most of the snakes were headed in the direction they’d last seen the large clown, so they decided to go the opposite way.

April looked at her ankle that had been bitten and it was swollen, but not too badly. Whatever bit her wasn’t poisonous.

“Who was that running past us?” Stacy asked.

“It was Todd. The clown got him.”

“Oh.”

They said nothing as they wove through the maze. They came to a stop after one corner. There was a body lying on the ground several feet away. It was Kim.

“Kim!” Stacy said as she ran over to her, kneeling down next to her body. April put her hand over her mouth as she took in the sight. Kim’s eyes were closed, but her mouth was gaping open. Blood was pooled all around her, and her abdomen had been ripped wide open. Her intestines were pulled out and strung alongside her body. The end looked like it had been chewed on.

Stacy held Kim’s hand, crying.

“No! No! No!” Stacy sobbed. “What did this to her? Why?”

“I don’t know. We should keep moving. Whatever did it can’t be too far away.”

“We can’t just leave her here.”

“We’ll come back for her if we can. She’s gone Stacy. I’m sorry. But we can’t help her. We can’t help Todd either. What we can do is get the hell out of here. I’m sure Kim wouldn’t want you to die too.”

Stacy nodded, kissed Kim’s hand and laid it across her body before she stood. She wiped the blood and tears from her face and looked up at April. They both headed around the next corner and wove through the maze. Just ahead they heard someone laughing. It was a bizarre, high pitched sound, not like the clowns had made.

“What is that?” Stacy asked.

“I don’t know,” April said.

“Should we go back?”

“It’s not safe that way.”

“Fuck.”

They pressed forward when they heard the laughter again. This time it was even louder. They stopped and looked at each other, when from around the corner emerged a tiny little clown. His hair was red and frizzy, with a bright red smile painted on and dark dots around his eyes. He was naked and his whole body was ghostly white.

“What in the hell?” April said.

“Is that a midget clown?”

The little clown laughed again and jumped up and down pointing at them.

“More play!” he squealed. “More play!” And then he charged at them, grabbed April’s leg and bit into it. She kicked her leg sending him flying into one of the mirrors, shattering it.

“Ow! You little fucker!” April yelled.

The little clown stood and dusted himself off and this time charged at Stacy. April noticed his strange little penis with a rubber bulb at the end. Stacy stood frozen as the thing charged. Before it could reach her, April stepped in with a roundhouse kick, nailing him in the face with her shin. It had been awhile since she’d practiced the martial arts her dad had taught her, but she was happy to see she still had some moves.

The little clown’s legs went out from under him as he flew flat onto his back. He jumped to his feet and screamed as he ran back around the corner.

“Daddy!” he screamed as he ran away.

The girls looked at each other as he disappeared.

“What in the fuck?” Stacy said.

“I have no idea.”

“Now what? I don’t want to go that way.”

“We know what is back there though. We have to find the end of this fucking thing if we want to get out of here,” April said. “Unless there’s another way?”

“What other way?”

April looked around and looked up. Each of the mirrors stood over seven feet high. No way could she climb over them. She noticed each set of mirrors wasn’t back to back. There were actual walls between each mirror and they were several feet thick. April approached the mirror that the little clown had busted. There was still glass hanging down. She pulled her shirt off, wrapped it around her hand and used it to knock the rest of the glass away.

The shirt was already ripped to shreds, so she tossed it aside, now wearing just her sports bra, shorts, and tennis shoes. Behind the glass was a panel of chipboard. Pushing against the wood, it had a little give to it. She stepped back and began kicking at it.

“What are you doing?” Stay asked.

“This place looks like it was once a factory. So there will be vents or drainage systems or something. Maybe that can be our way out.”

After the fifth kick, the panel broke loose. She pulled it away and looked inside. As she expected, the inside of the wall was hollow. There were long rows of panels winding through the room. The snakes had come from underneath one of the mirrors; there had to be some kind of tank or something for them. There were probably others like that behind the mirrors as well in various spots.

Stepping into the opening, she squeezed through. She leaned out and gestured to Stacy who followed her. The makeshift tunnel wasn’t very wide, but wide enough for them to squeeze through. April replaced the panel from where they entered and they began making their way through the darkened tunnel.

“You think this will get us out of here?” Stacy asked.

“At least it will keep us hidden from those assholes for a while.”

They walked a ways until April stepped over a metal grate. She stopped and knelt down, lacing her fingers through the grate, she lifted it and pushed it aside, revealing a large hole.

“Where does it go you think?” Stacy asked.

“Someplace better than here,” April said as she climbed in.

Chapter 11

Crazy Koko

Crazy Koko watched his new offspring prancing around the maze. This was the first time Crazy Koko had procreated. He’d heard clowns could do this, but had no idea how cool it would look. The little guy ripped his way right out of that girl’s stomach. It made a hell of a mess, but sure did look cool.

Unlike Creampuff, Crazy Koko hadn’t been born a clown. He was actually the newest of the current group of clowns. He’d just come to the Funhouse about ten years ago. He had been passing through himself, not unlike this group of kids, except he had been with his wife and their newborn baby. Like most travelers, they had to stop in town for gas. As many people as that had happened to, he wondered if they had some way of draining people’s gas tanks once they got here. That might be even harder to believe than the Funhouse itself.

As was custom, he and his family were directed, or more like dragged to the Funhouse. One big rancher had taken their baby boy way. What was his name again? Jeffery? Jesse? Something like that. Seemed so long ago now. They were told to just go through the Funhouse and they’d get their baby back unharmed. Well it wasn’t quiet that easy. At least, not easy to make it through the Funhouse. His poor wife, Janine. She slipped and fell in the bouncy room.

He’d made it through with no problem, but hurried through. When he saw Janine lying on the mat, it was too late to go after her. The ceiling had come down and squashed her. Such an awful sight, though the sound was worse. She screamed and screamed as he listened to her bones crackling under the weight of the ceiling. After that he couldn’t go any further. He’d collapsed right then and there. He did remember Janine had been his childhood sweetheart. They married right out of high school, or was it college? No matter.

Apparently Uncle Monkey took pity on him. Just lying there, a crying and blubbering mess. So he followed Uncle Monkey into a back room. He thought they were going to let him go and give him back his little baby boy. Instead they strapped him to a table and ran him through some weird machine. When he came out he was no longer Alan, Alfred? Whatever. He was Crazy Koko.

He couldn’t lie; it was strange at first. Horrible in fact. When he saw himself in the mirror, he had a complete meltdown. More crying and blubbering, he was so pathetic back then. Somewhere in the midst of that fit, something changed. The crying turned to laughter. Once he started laughing, he couldn’t stop. It was weird. Even Uncle Monkey was a little freaked out.

Once he settled down, he embraced his clown hood. Was that even a word? Well it is now. His first group of travelers was a guy and his girlfriend who came through. At first he had been shy on what to do with them. He just sort of jumped out and scared them a few times. But Uncle Monkey told him not to hold back, think of his sweet Janine, no one held back with her. Knowing Uncle Monkey had killed her should have angered him, but it didn’t. It made him laugh.

So instead of jumping out to scare them the next time, he had found a hammer in a box of tricks that squeaked. It was a real hammer, but just happened to squeak. When they came around a corner, he cracked the boyfriend over the head. The guy fell to the ground as he writhed around, as Crazy Koko hit him again in the face. The squeak was so delightful. It was loud and just plain silly. He bashed the guy again and again, jumping up and down, laughing with each blow.

By now his face was completely bashed open. There was a huge hole where his face should have been. Teeth shot out onto the ground as the man’s tongue just hung off to the side. He made a funny wheezing sound too. Crazy Koko just watched as the guy struggled to breath. It was then he noticed the girlfriend was just standing there watching. That was even better, because now it was her turn. He took off after her, but it only took a few hits with the wonderful hammer before she stopped moving completely.

Crazy Koko snapped out of his memories as the little clown looked at himself in one of the mirrors, and tapping on the glass.

“So what should we call you little guy?” Crazy Koko said.

“Clown!”

“Yes, you’re a clown all right.”

“How about, Tiny Bubbles! I like it! You’re so bubbly!”

“Bubbles!” the little clown exclaimed. “Bubbles!”

“That’s right little one, you’re my Tiny Bubbles,” Crazy Koko said.

They walked back to where Tiny Bubbles had said he’d seen the other girls. When they got there, he found the broken mirror and could tell the panel had been moved.

“Well, looks like we have a mouse in the house, don’t we? Hahahaha!”

“Mousey! Mousey! Mousey!” Tiny said jumping up and down.

“That’s right! Let’s go this way. There’s only one way to catch a mouse!”

The girls had most likely gone down into the storage area. He’d never seen anyone do that before. These kids were rather resourceful. He liked it. Made things more interesting. They’d just go back out of the maze and head them off. They will really be like rats in a trap. And he’s the big scary cat!

Chapter 12

Creampuff dragged Todd by the leg through the maze. He reached a set of mirrors and pushed on one until it slid open revealing a hidden room. The room was large and dark, with a set of lights standing up in the middle with a large table. Uncle Monkey was standing next to the table. Todd tried to struggle as he was dragged, but Creampuff had already throttled the fight out of him.

“Well done Creampuff!” Uncle Monkey said. “Bring him right over here! Onto the table!”

Creampuff did as he was told and tossed Todd onto the table as if he were some rag doll. Once on the table, Creampuff began strapping Todd’s hands down. He took a weak swing at the clown, who caught his hand mid swing and tossed it aside. He then restrained the other hand, and then Todd’s feet.

“Who are you people?” Todd screamed. “You can’t do this! This is illegal! I have a powerful family you know! They’ll be looking for me!”

“You hear that Creampuff? They’ll be looking for him! Hahaha!” Uncle Monkey cackled as Creampuff just nodded. He laughed some more as he walked away from the table. Todd heard something banging around when Uncle Monkey returned pushing a large cart on wheels. He fumbled with something, opening a large door on the front of the cart and placed it at the end of the table.

“Now I need to tell you something cowboy,” Uncle Monkey said. “I’m not gonna lie. This shit is gonna hurt like a motherfucker. I will tell you though that the more you wiggle around, the worse it will be. So I suggest no matter how bad it hurts, or what you feel, just hold still. It’ll be over in no time!”

“What is it? What are you gonna do to me?”

“Oh, just a slight upgrade is all.”

Uncle Monkey wheeled the cart over to the table. The table seemed to be part of the cart as the cart slid right into place. Before he knew it, Todd was fully inside whatever the cart was. Inside there were several gears and electronics with several arms. On the end of each arm was a needle.

“Ok!” Uncle Monkey yelled from outside the contraption. “Keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times! Hahahaha!”

As the clown laughed, the contraption whirred to life. Lights came on above him as the arms began to move. The needles moved toward Todd’s face. He closed his eyes and screamed as they began pecking his skin like a giant sewing machine. Each poke felt like a ball of fire piercing his skin, and they were everywhere. His arms, chest, legs, even his groin were being stabbed with the fiery hot needles. Uncle Monkey had been right. At first he twitched and jerked, which made it hurt even worse.

He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip, trying to think of something, anything to get his mind off the pain. Though after a few minutes, shock set in as his body felt numb. He could still feel the needles, but it was like they were far away. Before long, he felt nothing at all.

When he woke up, Creampuff and Uncle Monkey were standing over him. Creampuff was smacking him in the face. The huge torture chamber was gone, he was just looking up at the lights.

“Oh good! You’re awake!” Uncle Monkey said. “How you feel?”

“Huh?” Todd asked.

“How do you feel? You hurt anywhere? You feel good, bad, ugly? Hahahaha!”

Todd looked around, his restraints had been removed. Without hesitating, he jumped to his feet and bolted for the door from which they entered the room. Neither clown tried to stop him, which he found weird, but kept going.

“Hey! Where you goin’?” Uncle Monkey called out. Todd burst through the door and back into the maze of mirrors. He ran past the mirrors until he caught his reflection and froze.

“Oh no,” he whispered as he looked himself over.

From head to toe, his skin was bright white. All he had on were his boxer shorts. His hair had been removed and replaced with half a green, yellow, and red afro. His nose had been colored red, and his lips were now in the shape of a huge, green grin. The grin wasn’t painted on though. His mouth had somehow been stretched out into the permanent smile.

“No!” he screamed. “What have you done to me?”

“Relax cowboy!” Uncle Monkey said from behind him. “You’re one of us now! You don’t have to go through the Funhouse anymore. You’re now a part of it!”

“What? Why? Look at me!”

“Yeah! You’re a handsome fella. Though we need to work on your name. The name Todd sucks. Sounds like a spoiled rich kid. How about Captain Cowpoke! I like it!”

“What?” Todd couldn’t even make sense of it. Looking in the mirror, there was no way that was him. Couldn’t be. It just wasn’t possible.

“Come on Captain! Let’s go back in here. We’ll get you something to wear and fill you in on some things. Then you can have fun with the rest of us!”

“But I don’t wanna be a clown,” Todd whined.

“Too late for that boss! You are a clown! May as well make the most of it!”

As they headed back into the room, Todd took one more glance into the mirror. He was already forgetting what he had previously looked like.

Chapter 13

Creampuff

Creampuff stood by and watched Uncle Monkey talking to Todd, or Captain Cowpoke as he was now called. He was glad he didn’t have Uncle Monkey’s job. Even though he had been at the Funhouse far longer than Uncle Monkey, he had no problem letting the clown deal with all new clowns and guests. He was just muscle, always had been.

The idea of a clown being muscle might seem odd, but isn’t really that far-fetched. Unlike Uncle Monkey, Creampuff had been born at the Funhouse. His first memory was as a young clown in the late 1800’s. Back then the Funhouse was little more than a large tent, like a big top. Except it wasn’t for a circus.

His father was Mr. Biscuits. For some reason, clowns matured faster than regular people. Though apparently even at birth he was bigger than average. They named him Creampuff because he was large and chubby with the bright white skin. Unlike most clowns, he didn’t speak. They used to joke that he was more of a mime than a clown. He could speak if he wanted to, he just never had anything to say.

Back then the town wasn’t much of a town. The Funhouse was fairly new then. Mr. Biscuits said his own father had set it up. Apparently there were a few of them around the world. All were in small, off the grid type locations. Once they were built and the clowns took residence, each Funhouse seemed to take on a life of its own, but not really.

Though he’d never set foot outside the Funhouse other than moving to a new one. The current one was the fifth one he’d seen in his time. He wasn’t sure what kind of power the Funhouse possessed, but he knew none of the clowns ever age past maturity inside the Funhouse. He also knew that any clowns who left were later forced to go through the Funhouse itself. He’d seen that happen a few times, and never ended well for the clown.

From his youth, his job had always been to physically violate and abuse whoever he could as they went through the Funhouse. The whole thing was rigged. In his time, he’d only seen less than ten people make it all the way through. Sure, they were free to go, but most were practically insane by the time they made it. If they were really bad, they were sometimes taken in and became clowns themselves.

The maze of mirrors had dozens of hidden rooms and trapdoors behind the mirrors. Creampuff was the only one who knew where they all were. They came in real handy for making the guests think you were in more than one place at a time. There were a few parts of the Funhouse he’d never been to. It was also against the rules. Mainly one room, it was on the lower level, there was a large door that said “Keep Out.” It wasn’t even locked from what he’d heard. Just no one was allowed in there. He had no idea what was in there, but never gave it much thought.

One thing he did know, he enjoyed his work. He’d always been good at it. He had grown much larger than any other clowns ever in the Funhouse. And is facial expression often changed, much to the terror of the guests. It was fun to see the look in their eyes when he popped out at them. The things he’d done to people over the years was the stuff of nightmares. He remembered one time in particular, in the 60’s. A young couple was going through the funhouse. He tore the girl in half and force fed her guts to the boyfriend. That had been fun to watch.

He never got the begging though. Once he had them cornered, they always begged for their lives, not to be hurt, or to let them go. It was always pointless. Mercy was not part of the Funhouse. So why did they bother? Not to mention what in their pathetic lives brought them to Happytown anyway? Couldn’t be that much worth living. As far as he was concerned, he was doing them all a favor.

As he went back to listening in to Uncle Monkey talk to the new clown, it was good to see the new clown had settled down. Creampuff didn’t get why the guy was so freaked about how he looked. He thought Todd...er...Captain Cowpoke looked great. He wished he had colorful hair like that. It would be good to have a fourth clown in the house. Uncle Monkey had been watching this guy; apparently he thought he’d be a good clown for them. If not, they all knew what would happen.

Uncle Monkey spoke as Captain Cowpoke just sat there staring at the ground. He’d had Creampuff retrieve a clown suit for him, which he obliged. He wondered what it was like to be an outsider, who became a clown. All Creampuff knew was the Funhouse. He was sure this guy would like it though. The guy seemed to hate the very girls he was traveling with. He should fit in nicely. Maybe Uncle Monkey would let him take Captain Cowpoke out into the house and go after the two girls who were left. Now that would be some fun. He had no doubt the new guy would enjoy that. Hell, Creampuff would enjoy it too.

Chapter 14

Looking at the front entrance, Coy decided to find another way in. Walking around the side of the building, there was a service entrance on the side, but it was locked. He went further down until he found a loading dock for deliveries. Under the dock was a large grate. He wiggled it and found it to be loose. He pulled the grate out and sat it to the side. It opened into a vent shaft that went under the dock and into the building. Bending down slightly, he headed inside.

The shaft wove around until he reached another grate above him. He pushed it out of the way and climbed out to find himself in some kind of storage area. There were all sorts of contraptions and junk lying around. In one corner was a busted pinball machine. Along the wall was a unicycle. There was other stuff, but he ignored it and headed through the corridor. There were several rooms along the corridor. He checked each of them, but most were storage for junk. Some of it looked extremely old.

He checked one door, and slid it open. This one wasn’t storage at all. There were several cages, some stacked on top of each other. They looked like kennels you’d use to crate train a large dog, except there were children in them. There was at least six children in there.   Most of them didn’t even look at him. One looked up in horror and began screaming.

“No!” Coy said. “Shh! Quiet! I’m here to help!” But the kid continued to scream. All of the kids had on dirty gowns, and their hands, faces, and hair were all filthy. He didn’t want the screaming kid to alert the clowns, so he stepped back out and shut the door. The screaming continued, but was muffled through the door. What the fuck? Did the kid like it there or something?

Coy continued on until he reached another set of rooms. He was afraid to look, but he did. This one was huge and freezing cold like a meat locker. Looking around he quickly saw why. There were clowns hanging from meat hooks all through the room; tons of them, maybe a hundred or more. They were all in different clown suits with different types of makeup on, but it was all clowns. He walked through them all, examining them.

“What in the hell?” he said to himself. They all just dangled there lifelessly. He walked up to one of the clowns. He was bald and had a sad hobo face painted on. He looked closely and touched its skin when its eyes popped open. He jumped back, bumping into another clown which also started to move. The hobo was still looking at him.

“What the fuck?” Coy cried out.

“Help us,” the hobo said.

“What?”

“Help us, please.”

“Who are you?”

“My name is Dirty Rusty. What year is it?”

“Huh?”

“What year? How long have I been in here?”

“It’s 2014.”

“Oh my God. Please, get me down,” Dirty Rusty said.

“Me too,” the clown behind him said, in a much more high pitched squeak.

Coy turned and looked at him.

“Who are you?” Coy asked.

“I’m Nutty Buster. Please get me down.”

“How do I do that? Why would I do that? Everyone is scared of you all.”

“No need to fear us son,” Dirty Rusty said. “Please, help me down. I can explain everything.”

“Really? Can you help me find those girls I brought here? They made me bring them in here earlier. I came in to find ‘em. Just didn’t feel it was right.”

“We can try. The Funhouse shows no mercy to those who attempt it though. Please, this hook is hurting.”

Coy nodded and looked around. He found the end of the chain on a pulley. He undid the latch and used the chain to lower Dirty Rusty to the ground. From there he did the same for Nutty Buster. The two clowns pulled the hooks out of their backs. Coy thought it was odd there was no blood.

“So are all of these clowns alive? I thought you two looked dead.”

“Yes and no. I guess they are in a sort of suspended animation. When you touched us, your heat was enough to wake us up.”

“What the hell? What is this place? What are you guys?”

“That’s tricky to explain. A lot has changed. I’ve been hanging in here since 1964. Not long after this place went up. Nutty there must have been after me.”

“Yep! Sure was! They put me in here in 1987!”

“Why? For what?” Coy asked.

“We clowns are not like you. We aren’t human per se. Ok, we’re not human at all. We don’t die, at least not while inside the Funhouse. So as punishment, they don’t kill us. They hang us in here.”

“And you just hang in here all frozen for fifty years?”

“Or however long they see fit. Though to my knowledge, no one has ever been let down. Some of these guys I had put in here years ago when we were still using a tent. We had to move them over when this place was built.”

Coy couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had known the Funhouse was here for his whole life. He just never knew anything about it. Just talking to this weird hobo, he’d learned more about it in five minutes than everyone in town put together.

“Where did this place come from? Where did you all come from?” Coy asked.

“We’ve been around a very long time. Our old circus tent stood here long before this town did. We are sort of caretakers I suppose, of the Funhouse.”

“Why does this place need a caretaker? Doesn’t sound like its much fun. Why not just leave?”

“Why do you think I was hanging here? No clown leaves the Funhouse unless instructed to. Leaving on your own is punishable by living death, or this room. Now, let’s go find these girls before it’s too late.”

Chapter 15

April dropped almost ten feet onto the ground below. Stacy struggled to climb down and April did her best to help her. She lost her balance as Stacy let go of the ledge, knocking them both to the ground. They stood and looked around. They were in some kind of hallway with single lights spaced out along the walls.

“Where are we?” Stacy said.

“Beats me,” April answered as they began walking. “There has to be a way out from here. At least I hope.”

“Beats that fucking mirror maze shit.”

“Right?” April said.

They walked through the long hall where the only sounds were the echo of their footsteps.

“This is fucking creepy,” April said.

“Maybe a little.”

“Well, well! Look who made it out of the hall of mirrors!” a voice said from behind them. Crazy Koko. “I heard you met my son. Not very nice to kick little boys in the face!”

April looked at Stacy and without a word they both took off running in the other direction. She wasn’t about to go head to head with one of those clowns and figured he couldn’t run very well in those big, floppy shoes. Sadly she was wrong; he was gaining on them quickly.

“Don’t run away kids! The party is just getting started! Hahahaha!” he squealed.

April turned and saw the little clown who was now slightly taller, hopping along next to Crazy Koko. Both were running along with huge strides, bouncing with each new stride. It would have looked funny had they not been trying to kill her. There was a room ahead where they stepped inside and pulled the door shut. April latched the deadbolt hoping it would buy some time.

“Shit!” Stacy said. “Did you see that?”

“Yeah, they’re fast little fuckers,” April said looking around the room. There were all kinds of things piled up. There were tools, hardware items, toys, and electronics.

“Look at all this shit,” April said. “How much you wanna bet this stuff belonged to other people who came through here?”

“I wouldn’t doubt it,” Stacy said.

April found a large duffel bag and unzipped it. There was a snorkel and flippers along with other swimming gear. She tossed the bag aside and grabbed another, hoping to find something she could use. There was a green military bag underneath a pile of stuff. April grabbed it and dumped the contents out as the sound of keys jingling on the other side of the door rang through the room.

“Fuck! April he’s got a key!” Stacy said. “He’s got a fucking key! Jesus Christ!”

Well of course he does. This was the fucking Funhouse after all. In addition to the keys, the two clowns were both giggling incessantly. Apparently it wasn’t just an act; they actually were that delirious. Going through the bag’s contents there was web gear, a canteen, a helmet, and then she saw it.

The eighteen inch handle covered with a nylon sheath. She removed the sheath and saw the head of the tomahawk. Her dad had one of these years ago. He used it to chop fire wood for camping. He would also throw it at targets for sport. She’d never handled one herself, until now.

“April! What are you doing! Hurry!” Stacy said as the lock clicked and the door swung open. Without a second’s hesitation, April charged the door with the tomahawk cocked over her shoulder. Crazy Koko’s smile disappeared as she unloaded the tomahawk into his face as if she were Babe Ruth swinging for the fences. The sharp blade went into the side of his face, almost taking half his head off. She pulled it out and hacked at him again, and again and again.

His head felt weird and rubbery like that giant clown’s did, but once she got toward the middle, the blood began to flow. There were no brains or skull though. What the hell were these things? It didn’t matter as she hacked and hacked until his head was nothing but bloody, mangled chunks. He’d almost completely stopped moving after the second or third swing, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“April! I think you killed him.”

April stepped back, holding the tomahawk at her side, blood soaking her face, hair, and front of her body. She looked his busted face over. His body was twitching, especially his legs. Rearing back with her foot, she kicked him repeatedly in the side until he stopped moving. She looked at Stacy and saw her friend’s mouth hanging open, looking absolutely horrified. She hoped her best friend wasn’t afraid of her now.

“Good,” She said as she looked out the door. The little clown was nowhere in sight. He must have run off when she demolished the elder clown. “The little one ran off. Let’s get out of here,” April said.

“Jesus. You ok?” Stacy asked.

“I’m fine.”

“Is this the kind of thing you had to do when you escaped those rednecks?” Stacy asked. April was taken by surprise at the question. She’d never gone into detail about what had happened there or how she escaped. It wasn’t something she liked to think about. While she couldn’t forget what happened, the details weren’t something she dwelt upon.

“Something like that I guess.”

“I always knew you were a bad bitch. You really fucked him up.”

“Yeah,” April said. “Fuck these clowns.”

Chapter 16

Todd sat and listened to Uncle Monkey explain about the Funhouse. He didn’t hear most of what the man had said. As Uncle Monkey talked, Todd kept feeling his face and his new hair. He couldn’t get that glimpse of himself in the mirror out of his head. It wasn’t that he was ugly; he looked horrifying. Plus the fact that it wasn’t makeup; they’d made him into an actual clown. How would he ever get back to normal? Would he ever get back to normal?

“You listenin’ kid?” Uncle Monkey asked. “I’m not goin’ over all this shit again.”

“Yeah, I’m listening,” Todd said.

“So as I was saying, the Funhouse isn’t so much as alive as it is organic. We are not just the caretakers, but we’re extensions of it. It’s really pretty neat. You’ll see the longer you are here. Even in the next few hours, you’ll begin to understand the place. You’ll know your way around. You’ll know where stuff is. That mirror maze will be child’s play for you to navigate. It’s like we’re all interconnected through the Funhouse, yet we’re each our own clown.”

This was a lot to take in. Organic Funhouse? Sounded like a hipster hangout in Austin.

“So where did you guys come from? I mean. Are you like aliens or something?” Todd asked.

“Aliens? Haha! Aliens? You hear that Creampuff? He asked if we were aliens!” Uncle Monkey nudged Creampuff who just stood there with his usual dead eyes. “No, son.  We’re not aliens. We’re clowns. Are ya stupid? Maybe I should just put you down. I don’t think you’re not cut out to be one of us.”

“No! No! I’m just trying to figure out where you...I mean we...where we came from?”

“We been around a long time kid. You might be surprised. Hell we used to run things. You’ve seen them pictures by ancient Egyptians?” Uncle Monkey asked.

“Yeah.”

“You seen drawings of ancient Pharaohs with their faces all painted up? You think that was makeup? Hell no!”

“You mean like King Tut was a clown?”

“Maybe not him, but a lot of them were. The people worshipped us. No one else looked like us or could do the things we could.”

“Did they have a funhouse too?” Todd asked.

“I don’t know for sure. I imagine they did. Maybe it was a fun cave or fun pyramid or something. Either way, that’s the first recorded part of our history.”

“Do you know where we came from?”

“Lots have guessed. The clown who was here before me thought we was demons or something. I highly doubt that,” Uncle Monkey said.

“So what do you think we are?”

“Just clowns I guess. Don’t matter what we call ourselves.”

“So why is this place here? Why do they force people to go through here?”

“Damn you ask a lot of questions kid. It’s ok though. Everything in life has a job, a purpose. Ours as clowns is to clown. Believe it or not, clowns weren’t always happy, fun guys who made balloon animals.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“Hell, most people nowadays are scared a clowns. Ultimately it’s fear. As I said the Funhouse is organic. It feeds off fear. Don’t ask me how. I just know when no one comes through here for a while, things start breaking. It gets colder in here and all of us get more and more irritable. We get a bunch like you in here, then its play time! The more running and screaming you all do, the happier we are.”

“I don’t want to kill people,” Todd whined.

“Sure ya do! You’re not one of them any more kid. Enough talking. Your pals are still out there. Why don’t you go and surprise ‘em real good!” Uncle Monkey slapped him on the leg and hopped to his feet. “Creampuff! Why don’t you go check on Crazy Koko? He’s been out there awhile. Captain Cowpoke! Off you go!”

Todd stood and walked back into the maze of mirrors. No way could he call himself Captain Cowpoke. He walked around the maze and was surprised at how he just knew his way around. Crazy Koko was the one who had attacked Kim. He’d run off and left her behind. She was probably fine though; she was a tough girl.

Though that thought went away as soon as he turned one corner to find her body.

“Kim?” he whimpered.

He walked over and knelt down next to her body. Her torso had been totally ripped open, with her insides strewn about. She lay in a pool of dried blood. He had no idea how Crazy Koko had done that to her.

“Holy shit,” he said. Part of him was angry. Angry at that Koko clown nut. Yet, he wasn’t sad. He should feel sad. This was his girlfriend, but the sadness just wasn’t there. Before he could think anything else, a giggle escaped his mouth. He put his hand over his mouth in surprise. What was he laughing at? His girlfriend is ripped to shreds right in front of him.

Slowly he pulled his hand away, but giggled again. This time he couldn’t stop when he put his hand over his mouth. The giggles turned to full on laughter as he laughed and laughed. They were big, belly laughs too. Unlike anything he’d experienced since he was a little kid and he couldn’t stop. He didn’t even know why he was laughing. It intensified as his side began to hurt. He fell over onto his side, laughing and bellowing so loudly, it echoed throughout the Funhouse.

Chapter 17

Dirty Rusty

Dirty Rusty walked behind Coy through the large corridor. It was clear the big cowboy had no idea what he’d walked into. Rusty couldn’t remember the last time a local had come into the Funhouse, although, he had been asleep for several decades. He wondered where Uncle Monkey was. No doubt he was still around; he was the most slippery clown Rusty had ever seen.

He thought back to that day in 1964. They’d just gotten a new clown; this one wasn’t much older than Uncle Monkey was when he came along. The kid was maybe twelve or thirteen. They didn’t put them through the full change at that age. They’d never survive it, so they just used make up until they were old enough.

The boy had expressed dislike for the Funhouse, which wasn’t unusual for any new occupants. Rusty had been concerned for the kid. Uncle Monkey knew it and used it against him.

“Dirty Rusty! The boy is gone!” Uncle Monkey had said to him that day. It had been quiet for weeks, so Rusty was sitting around watching TV.

“What? Gone where?” Rusty asked.

“I think he went into town. He kept crying earlier how he wanted to see other kids. I told him that wasn’t a good idea, but I just went to check on him and he’s gone.”

“Shit. Ok,” Rusty said standing up.

“Wait? You’re not going after him are you?”

“I have to. We can’t just let him run off.”

“But the rules...”

“I know what the rules are, but I’m pretty sure it’s ok to go after a runaway clown.”

“You sure?” Uncle Monkey asked.

“No. This has never happened before. At least not since I’ve been around. I’ll go find him.”

“Ok. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“I don’t see any other choice.” Rusty headed for the door and to the outside. He walked all through town, which didn’t take him long. It had been so long since he’d left the Funhouse, he forgot what sunlight and fresh air felt like. It wasn’t a good feeling. His pasty white skin was not accustomed to or made for direct sunlight, especially a Texas summer.

Walking through town was easy. They didn’t tire out like normal people and could move more swiftly. You wouldn’t expect that with the clown outfits and the big shoes, but they got around quickly. A few townspeople saw him and ran back into their homes. There had been no sign of the boy though. Someone would have given him up once they saw Rusty. They knew better, and he’d know right away if they were hiding him.

As he walked back to the Funhouse, he realized he’d been had. When he stepped inside, Uncle Monkey and the rest of the clowns, there were six or seven of them back then, were all waiting for him. The boy was standing next to Uncle Monkey, wearing his full clown suit and makeup.

“You broke the rules Rusty,” Uncle Monkey had said.

“You lied to me,” Rusty said. “That was a total set up.”

“Doesn’t matter. The Funhouse doesn’t think so either.”

“The Funhouse don’t think.”

“It’s still alive; it knows you left. Feel how cold it is in here? The walls were rattling the whole time you were gone. So yeah, it knows,” Uncle Monkey said.

“Whatever. I’m in charge. I thought we were missing someone and I had to find him. You’re the one who broke the rules.”

“Doesn’t work that way. Guy?”

At his command, the other clowns grabbed him. He put up a pretty good fight until Creampuff stepped in. Creampuff slammed him to the ground with one hand and planted his knee in the back of Rusty’s head. Creampuff then slammed Rusty’s face into the ground repeatedly. His vision went fuzzy as Creampuff pulled him up by the collar and dragged him into the Funhouse behind Uncle Monkey. Whatever fight Dirty Rusty may have had in him was gone.

When Rusty’s vision cleared, he was hanging from a meat hook in the cold locker. Panic immediately set in. He’d put his share of clowns in the locker over the years, but all with good reason. There had been one clown years ago who was sneaking out to rape women out in town. A few gave birth to baby clowns, so it didn’t take long to figure out what he’d been up to. That had been a tough call, but Rusty had both the clown and the babies put up in the locker. There were almost a dozen of them. The Funhouse would have been even crazier than it was with all that.

Despite the appearances and the presences of clowns, there was some semblance of order in the place. At least as far as Dirty Rusty had been concerned. Over the years, he and Uncle Monkey had their share of disagreements, but he’d never thought he’d go this far.

“So this was your plan all along?” Rusty said.

“Hey, a clown’s gotta have goals,” Uncle Monkey said.

“You don’t have to do this. Taking over this way will never work out for you.”

“Seems to be working fine so far. Now I don’t have to listen to you, or anyone.”

“Look, I remember when you first got here, as Little Monkey, you were so sad. I taught you everything. I thought you were embracing this place as your home, as one of us.”

“Oh I’ve embraced it all right. I’ve embraced it so much, I want the whole thing to myself, without some old ‘daddy’ clown giving me orders. We are too easy on people coming through here. I want to have fun! And we will.”

“What fun is it if you stack it all in your favor? That’s no challenge.”

“I don’t want a challenge. I want to kill!” Uncle Monkey said, shaking his fist.

Rusty hung his head. He knew his protégé was too far gone to convince him otherwise. The hook wasn’t even hurting his back. There was some pain at first, but that wasn’t as bad as the disappointment.

“Ok!” Uncle Monkey yelled. “Cool him off!”

As he spoke, ice cold water sprayed all over Rusty’s body and face. In a matter of seconds he was frozen solid. He remembered still being awake for a few minutes, seeing the other clowns looking at him, and presumably laughing as they jumped up and down. The last thing he saw was Uncle Monkey waving at him as he lost consciousness.

Up ahead, he heard some women’s voices. These had to be the girls Coy had told him about. Once they found the girls, Rusty would go from there. He didn’t know this Buster clown but he didn’t seem too bright. He’d go along with whatever Rusty did. This cowboy sneaking in was the best thing that could have happened. It shows Uncle Monkey is losing control, and gives Rusty the chance to get back the Funhouse.

Chapter 18

“Do you hear that?” April asked.

“Hear what?” Stacy replied.

“Sounds like someone is coming.”

Just ahead, the corridor curved around. From around the corner, there were footsteps. The girls stopped as they waited for someone to emerge. A minute later, Coy, the yokel who had brought them to the Funhouse at gunpoint was walking right toward them. There were two clowns with him.

“What the fuck?” April said.

“Hey! There you are!” Coy called out. “You girls ok?”

April lifted the tomahawk and ran straight for him.

“You redneck motherfucker!” She’d had about one too many rednecks in her life. She hoped to eliminate that one immediately. He stood there with a stupid smile on his face, until he saw the tomahawk. His eyes widened as he ducked, placing his hands over his face.

“Whoa! Whoa!” Coy yelled. “I’m here to help! Don’t chop me up!”

April stopped, the tomahawk reared back by her head with both hands.

“Help? Are you fucking kidding me?” she said.

He lowered his hands slightly and stood. The two clowns just stood there looking on.

“Yeah. I—I like you. I felt bad about what I done, so I came back.”

Jesus Christ.

“You like me? What? Do I remind you of your sister or something?” she said.

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Why are you with these assholes?” she asked pointing the tomahawk at the clowns. One of the clowns’ eyes widened as he jumped back.

“I rescued them. They were locked up in some big huge meat locker. They want to help too. They’re good clowns,” Coy said.

“Bullshit. There’s no such thing as a good clown,” April said.

“That’s not true,” one of the clowns said. His voice was high and squeaky. “I can do lots of neat tricks!”

“Yeah? So can my dog. He can also rip people’s nuts off.”

“Goddamn you’re mean,” Coy said.

“So why should I trust you? You have a gun on you still?”

“Yeah it's...” he said reaching behind his back. She lifted the tomahawk again. “...uh, here.”

“Take it out slowly and lay it on the ground. I already hacked up one clown’s face with this thing. I have no problem turning your skull into pudding.”

“Ok, ok. Damn you are so mean!” he said as he slowly removed the gun from the back of his jeans, holding it by the trigger guard. Stepping back a bit, he sat the gun on the ground and stood. April placed her foot on it and slid it behind her, pointing to Stacy to come pick it up.

“Do you know what these assholes did to our friend, Coy? Do you?” April asked.

“No. I just thought this was a funhouse, but hardly anyone comes out.”

“No shit! They fucking ripped her guts out and looks like one of them ate some of her. Sick ass clown fucks!”

“Look,” one of the clowns said. This was the hobo looking clown. “My name is Dirty Rusty. I used to run this place. I too was harmed by Uncle Monkey. So was Buster here. We want to help you defeat him.”

“I’m not defeating shit. I’m getting the fuck out of this house of horrors,” April said.

“Look, I don’t blame you, but you can obviously take care of yourself,” Coy said. “But if you just leave, the next group of travelers through here is just gonna end up right back in here. They might not be able to fend for themselves.”

Fuck, he was right.

April stood glaring at Coy and the two clowns. Stacy was to her right holding the gun.

“I’m really sick of this shit,” April said.

“He’s got a point though. I mean, you really fucked that clown up earlier.”

“I know. But Kim is dead, and Todd probably is too. Let’s just get out of here.”

“I guess you’re right,” Stacy said.

“I don’t think so,” Dirty Rusty said. “We need your help.”

“Wait a minute? Need our help for what?” April asked. “You’re both clowns like the other assholes. Just do one of your tricks at them or some shit.” April shrugged and started to walk by them. Rusty stepped in front of her putting his hand out.

“I can’t let you leave just yet I’m afraid. Help me with Uncle Monkey and you’re free to go,” Rusty said.

“Are you fucking kidding me? No! Now get out of my way.” She tried to push past him, but his face changed, from the sad hobo face, into a snarl. He began to swell up growing several feet taller than his previous height. His chest ballooned out as his arms grew longer and thicker. His face morphed into something more animal looking, but with clown makeup. Opening his mouth, he exposed several long, sharp teeth.

“Now, do I have to tell you again?” he growled.

Before she could reply, Stacy opened fire, hitting him several times in the chest. The bullets had no effect; he just looked at her and laughed. April took a few steps back, still holding the tomahawk. Looking over at Coy, he looked just as terrified as the rest of them. He finally made eye contact with her, at which time she locked in his gaze and began to think about her ability. In a matter of seconds the bulge in his jeans grew as he began moaning.

“Holy shit!” He said. “What’s going on? I—I’m gonna come in my pants! Oh! Oh! Holy fuck!” Coy cried out, bracing himself against the wall as he ejaculated in his pants. The clowns even looked mesmerized by the spectacle. Coy gathered himself and stood.

“Goddamn. What just happened?” he asked.

“I just happened,” April said. “And I just made you my bitch.”

Chapter 19

“Get him!” April yelled. Coy lunged at Rusty, obviously against his will, but April had full control of him now. April and Stacy turned and ran in the opposite direction. She heard Coy and Rusty struggling, along with Buster jumping into the mix somewhere. April glanced back for a second, but kept going. They ran down until it came to an end. There was a freight elevator at the end of the hall. The girls climbed in and April hit the button.

Before it went up, Coy was sprinting down the hall toward them, the two clowns in close pursuit.

“Should we help him?” Stacy asked.

“Fuck him. Let’s go,” April said as the freight elevator went back up to the main level. They stepped off the elevator, looking around at the huge room before them. There was a large wall with a set of red and white striped curtains. They stepped through it to find a whole maze of curtains. There was a long wall with three sets of curtains at various intervals.

“Holy shit, which way do we go?” Stacy asked.

“Fuck if I know. Let’s just pick one I guess,” April said. She walked to one of the curtains and went through. Once again, more curtains. “We don’t need this shit,” April said.

“Can we just get out of here?” Stacy whined.

“What do you think we’re trying to do? If you know a way out of here, then be my guest,” April said. They looked around and through another set of curtains. They repeated the ritual several more times, having no idea if they were any closer to getting out than before.

“This sucks,” Stacy said. “Are we going in circles?”

“I don’t know.”

April stepped through another curtain, this time she was greeted by Nutty Buster on the other side. He was standing there laughing.

“Well hello! Long time no see! Hahaha!” he cackled.

“Jesus fuck!” she yelled as she jumped back through the curtain, but this time Stacy was gone.

“Stacy!” she called out, but there was no reply. April looked back through to see if Buster was chasing her, but he was gone. When she walked and looked through the other curtains along the way, there was no sign of Stacy. “Stacy? Can you hear me? Where are you?” April called out again.

“Hey! Help me!” a man called out. It was Coy. He stepped through one of the curtains. He looked like he’d been through a war. His clothes were ripped to shreds. His shirt hung off him like a rag and his jeans looked like Bruce Banner’s after changing back from the Hulk.

“What the fuck are you doing? I figured they killed you,” April said.

“They almost did! After you all ran away, I managed to tackle the monster looking one. The other one jumped on me but I fought him off. Then they musta been tired of me because they came running this way after you two. So I followed them.”

“Why? You could have just gotten out.” April said.

“I know. I wanted to show you all I wanted to help. Just don’t do that shit you did earlier. Makin’ me jizz on myself and then fight with clowns.”

“Are you gonna behave? I could have done that back at the café, but didn’t want to start some commotion with the whole town. If you start fucking around though, I will make you cut your own dick off. You understand?”

“Yes ma’am. I’ll be good,” Coy said.

“I mean it. I’ve done that shit before.”

“You’ve made guys cut their own dicks off?” he asked, looking even more horrified.

“Damn right I did. They killed some people and then tried to rape me. They’re dead and I’m not. So don’t fuck with me.”

“You got it. Where’s your friend?”

“That’s who I’m looking for. I walked through one of these curtains, and now she’s gone. I turned my back for a few seconds. That crazy Buster clown was there and he’s gone too.”

“You think they took her?” Coy asked.

“I hope not, but there’s no other explanation. Fuck! I saw what they did to Kim. We have to find her now!”

Coy looked around and walked through some curtains. April followed him through as they wound their way through the maze.

“Do you know where you’re going?” she asked.

“Not really. I hunt a lot, so I’m good at finding my way outta stuff.”

“How?”

“I dunno. Just instinct I guess,” Coy said.

Finally they arrived at a set of doors. April pushed them open to see them lead into a room that was pitch black.

“You think she’s in here?” April asked. “Stacy? You in here? Stacy?” Her voice echoed into the darkness.

“You gonna go in there?” Coy asked.

“She’s not out here. There’s nowhere else to go.”

“You have no idea what’s in there.”

“I’m not gonna just sit around while they torture and kill her. If you are coming, then come on. If not I’ll go alone. I don’t give a shit,” April said.

“Ok. Damn!” Coy said as he stepped into the room. As April let the door swing shut, the darkness fully enveloped them. April couldn’t even see her hand in front of her face. As she took her first steps, right away she bumped into something. It was a wall. Feeling her way along the wall, there was an open doorway. She went through it, hearing Coy right behind her.

“Can you see anything?” he asked.

“Nope.”

As she felt her way along the wall, high pitched laughter rang through the darkness.

“What was that?” Coy asked.

“Shit. I recognize that laugh,” April said.

“Who is it?”

“It’s that crazy little kid clown.”

“Kid clown? What kid clown?” Coy asked.

The laughter sounded again, this time closer, right before Coy screamed.

Chapter 20

Stacy woke up, unable to move. Her vision was hazy but slowly things came into focus. She was strapped naked to a board while standing up. Her arms stretched out to her side, and her legs a few feet apart. Just in front of her, two clowns were standing there, laughing.

“Well, well, look who’s up!” one of the clowns said. It was Nutty Buster. “You have a good nappy?”

Just behind him, Dirty Rusty was standing there with his arms crossed. Looking around, the room was small and dark, with a single light bulb just overhead. The restraints were tight around her arms, digging into her skin anytime she moved even the slightest.

“That’s enough Buster,” Rusty said. “Hello my dear. You’re probably wishing you and your friend had helped us now aren’t you?”

“What’s going on?” Stacy asked. “Where am I? Where’s April?”

“Oh, April is being kept occupied.” He walked over to a table and began messing with something. “You know it’s weird. After being asleep for so many years, I forgot how much fun being a clown can be. I mean, yes, I want to get Uncle Monkey.” He turned to face her, holding several long, sharp knives. “I want my Funhouse back for sure. But I want to have some fun too. You know? Like why be a clown if you can’t have some fun?”

“What are you going to do to me?” Stacy asked.

“Just having a little fun!” he said as Buster pulled on the table she was on, which turned out to be a large wheel. She began to spin around so fast that the clowns were just multi-colored blurs. There was a sharp pain in her left arm. It stung through her shoulder all the way down to her hand. She looked to see one of the knives sticking out of her forearm.

“Whoops!” Buster called out. “Missed one boss! Hahahaha!”

Another sharp pain shot through her thigh as one of the throwing knives impaled her left leg. She screamed as several more knives came at her. One stuck into the wooden wheel just next to her head. Another landed between her legs, but missed her body. The last knife hit her in the stomach, but by the handle end before it bounced off knocking the wind out of her.

Finally, the wheel stopped spinning. Buster rotated her until she was right side up, at which point she threw up.

“Whoa! Messy! Messy!” Buster said.

“Please let me go,” Stacy said.

“Not just yet. Why don’t you lie down?” Rusty said as Buster pulled a lever, causing the table to slide backward until she was now flat on her back. Rusty walked up to her, running his hand along her face. “Such a pretty girl. Doesn’t she have a lovely face?”

“She sure does!” Buster said.

“Please? Don’t hurt me,” Stacy whimpered.

“I’m afraid I have to my dear.”

“Why? You can just let me go!”

“Because,” Rusty said twirling one of the knives in his fingers. “It’s what I do!” The hobo clown leaned in with the knife and began cutting along the side of her face, by her ear. She screamed as hot pain shot through her face and her head as he sliced through her skin, through the muscles and tendons all along her face, around her scalp and the other side of her face. It felt like her whole head was on fire. She had never felt so much pain as he cut around to the bottom of her chin, at the top of her neck.

From there, he began pulling on her skin. She screamed even louder as the flesh ripped from her face. Muscle clung to the skin, trying to keep it in place as Rusty cut through some of it, but ripped the rest away. As badly as the original cutting hurt, this felt even worse. She wished they would kill her and just end the pain, or at least she hoped she’d pass out. Finally she felt her flesh tear free and the pain went from intense and burning, to dull and throbbing all along her face.

Rusty stood before her holding her skin in his hand. He flipped it around as she saw her own lifeless face staring back at her.

“Wow!” Buster said. “Looks like we got a face off!”

“Very good, Buster. Very good,” Rusty said.

“That’s good work! It’s like a real mask!”

Stacy screamed again, this time just out of panic. These animals had literally ripped her face off. She was more than disfigured, she wasn’t even herself anymore. If she did survive, how would anyone fix this? No way the clowns would just leave her face lying around. She had no medical experience, so had no idea what would happen to her. Truth was, she no longer wanted to survive. Not just due to the pain, but her dignity. Her family would never accept her like this. She was now a monster, a freak.

“Please, kill me,” She said.

“What?” Rusty asked.

“Kill me. Just kill me please.”

“Now, we can’t do that. The fun is just starting!”

“I’m sorry we didn’t help you. We’re just scared,” she sobbed. “We’re so scared. We didn’t want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to go home. Please? But you took off my face!” She broke down, tears stung her raw would where her face used to be. “Please just kill me!”

“Stop that!” Rusty said. “You’re starting to depress me.”

“Can I see her face boss?” Buster asked. Rusty handed it to him. She watched as Buster stood over her and pulled her skin over his head as if it were a mask. “Ha! Look at me! Boogey! Boogey! Boogey! Hahaha!”

“Why don’t you run along now?” Rusty said. “Go have some fun with your new mask. Oh and while you’re at it, go wake up everyone else in the locker.”

“Yeah! That sounds awesome! Time to party!” Buster said as he ran out of the room.

“Are you gonna kill me now?” Stacy asked.

“Oh, no my dear. I’m afraid not. We’re just getting started.”

Chapter 21

Old Man Gunn was tired of waiting on Coy. The kid was supposed to meet up with him almost an hour ago. That boy wasn’t the brightest, but he usually listened to his elders. Tired of waiting, the Old Man got back into his truck and headed back toward the Funhouse.

Truth be told, he hated that place. He avoided going near there as much as possible. It had been there as long as he could remember, though was in a smaller building when he was a kid. Coy worried him asking all those crazy questions. Most of the young people in town just did what they was told without needing to know why. Everyone knew not to ask about the Funhouse, everyone that is, except for Coy.

As he pulled into the parking lot, he saw Coy’s truck sitting there.

“Goddammit son!” the Old Man yelled as he hit the steering wheel. “You stupid, stupid boy.”

He pulled alongside the truck and climbed out. Walking around, he looked in Coy’s truck, and then toward the building. No way had he gone in there. That would be suicide. The Old Man walked closer to the building, but stopped about a hundred feet away. He was afraid to get too close. Shit. Coy was like a son to him. He couldn’t lose him over something so stupid.

The Old Man walked around the side of the Funhouse without getting too close and then headed back to his truck. Once he got back to town, he found Kyle Brennan’s house. He was the local judge and sort of ran the town. They didn’t have a mayor; it was run mostly by committee. It was getting late, but this couldn’t wait until morning. He walked up the sidewalk and rang the doorbell. No one came. After two more rings, Kyle finally came to the door.

“Jesus Christ Gunn. It’s almost midnight,” Kyle could have easily been a politician in a bigger city. No telling why he stayed in Happytown. He was young, tall, and muscular with a thick head of black hair. However, at the moment that black hair was sticking out all over the place.

“I know Kyle. I’m sorry to bother ya. We have us a situation I’m afraid.” Gunn said.

“What kind of situation?”

Old Man Gunn filled him in on Coy and the Funhouse. Once it all sank in, Kyle ran his fingers through his black hair.

“Jesus Christ, that stupid fuckin’ redneck,” Kyle said.

“He’s stupid, that’s for sure.”

“You think this will piss them off? The clowns? No one from town has ever just gone into the place that I know of.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it in my life,” Gunn said. “Young people these days just don’t have the respect they once did. They don’t take shit seriously. I’m worried what those clowns will do to Coy.”

“I’m worried what they’ll do to us. They might think we sent him in there. Head to the café. I’ll get everyone together and we’ll meet up there to discuss this.” Kyle said as he closed the door.

An hour later, Old Man Gunn sat in the café with Kyle, Bob Hanson, Roger Lincoln, and Rick Wilson. These were the town council for lack of a better phrase.

“So that stupid boy a yours went into the Funhouse?” Roger said.

“He’s not my boy. I just treat him like he is. He’s a good kid,” Gunn said. “Just gets confused sometimes.”

“I’d say so,” Rick chimed in. “So what do you suggest? I say to hell with him. He knew to stay out of there. He went in at his own risk.”

“Since when did we start abandoning our own in this town?” Gunn said. “We always looked out for our own. The Funhouse is only for outsiders. Them’s the rules! It’s always been that way.”

“The Old Man has a point,” Kyle said. “We’ve never run into this before. So we have a few options. First, we just leave him and go about our business hoping the clowns don’t try to send some kind of message. Second, a few of us can go in and see if we can talk to the clowns. Now, I know no one has ever spoken to them things so no tellin’ how that will go. At last, we can get a group of men together with weapons and all of us go in and demand him back. We know there’s only ever a few clowns in there so we’d outnumber them. That’s our options.”

They all looked around at each other.

“I still say leave him,” Roger said.

“Not so fast,” Bob said. “We’ve let those clowns run this town for a long time. I mean. Is anyone tired of living in fear?”

“I know I sure am,” Kyle said. “It would be nice to get this town back onto the grid and into the 21st Century.”

“I never liked sending outsiders to their deaths in that place,” Roger said. “We’ve sent whole families in there. Even kids! No one here has ever had a problem with that?”

Gunn was surprised to hear what they were saying. Usually even at meetings, the Funhouse was a forbidden topic. Granted this needed to be talked about, but he hadn’t expected them to open up like this.

“They’re outsiders!” Rick said. “They may as well be from another planet as far as I’m concerned. They come into our town; they live and die by our rules!”

“Ok,” Kyle said. “So we vote. Who votes to leave him?”

Rick’s lone hand went in the air.

“Who votes we go get him?”

All but Rick’s hand went in the air.

“I guess that settles it,” Kyle said.

“When do we go?” Gunn asked.

“Round everybody up,” Kyle explained. “All men who can handle a firearm. If any ladies want to come along, I’d say let them. We’ll need as many guns as we can in that place. We’ll go at first light.”

Chapter 22

Coy screamed again as April felt around in the dark until he grabbed her arm.

“It’s got me! That thing has got me!” Coy screamed.

She felt around and found the little clown had latched onto Coy’s leg.

“The little bastard is biting me! Shit!”

April grabbed felt the clown’s head and swung with the tomahawk. She made contact in the top of his head, and swung again and again until he let loose of Coy’s leg. The little clown squealed as he stumbled back. She swung in his general direction hitting him again. This time he went to the ground. April knelt down and began hacking away with the tomahawk until the little clown stopped moving.

“Come on,” she said to Coy. “Let’s get out of here.” She grabbed his hand and led him out of the dark room the same way in which they came. Once back into the light, they both shielded their eyes until they could adjust. Coy’s right thigh had a huge chunk of flesh ripped from it.

“Is it bad?” he asked.

“It’s not good. Give me your shirt,” April said.

Coy unbuttoned his shirt and handed it to April. He still had on a white wife beater. She took the shirt and wrapped it around his leg, tying it as tightly as she could.

“That should hold it for now,” she said.

“Are we going back through there?” he asked.

“Hell no. Not unless we can get some light in there. No telling what is waiting for us.” She walked along the curtains as Coy followed behind her. They worked their way out of the curtain maze and back to the freight elevator.

“You sure we should go back down there?” Coy asked.

“I don’t know where else go to. There’s nothing up here.”

They went down and arrived on the lower floor, finding the corridor dark and empty.

“You think she’s down here?” Coy asked.

“I hope so. I really don’t want to go through that mirror hell again.”

They walked down the corridor, checking rooms as they went along. Most were either empty or filled with junk.

“You know, one of these rooms where I first came in at was full of little kids,” Coy said casually.

“What? Kids?” April said as she stopped.

“Yeah, a bunch of them. They were all locked in these cages.”

“Jesus Christ, Coy. Why didn’t you say something earlier? Were they alive?”

“Yeah, they were all just looking at me all weird.”

“And you didn’t try to help them?”

“Well, I was lookin’ for you to help you. I guess I figured I’d go back and help them later.”

“Jesus we need to get them out of here. Why the fuck would they keep them there like that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe as like slaves or something?” Coy said.

“Show me where they are,” April said.

Coy hobbled just ahead as she followed along. April would check other rooms as they walked past. They went around the long curved hallway when Coy stopped.

“What’s wrong?” April asked.

“Um, there’s something weird up ahead.”

“What?” She asked, walking out in front of him and looking down the hall. There were several clowns walking together. They were lined up five wide in the corridor. April could see there were several others behind them.

“What in the fuck?”

“Looks like a bunch of clowns,” Coy said.

“Yeah. Let’s get out of here.” April turned and ran back around the curve. She opened one of the doors and ducked into the room. Coy ran in behind her as she closed the door and latched the deadbolt.

“What’re we doing?”

“I don’t think they saw us. There’s nowhere else to go. I figured we’d stay in here until they go past us.”

“Oh. What if they did see us?” Coy asked.

“Then I guess we’re fucked.”

They stood away from the door as they listened. After a few minutes, she could hear the shuffling of feet just outside the door. There was also lots of laughter coming from the clowns.

“Jesus Christ. Do they just laugh at nothing?” April asked.

“Well, they are clowns.”

“Fair enough.”

After several minutes, the shuffling stopped. April had no idea where they were going. No way all those clowns would fit on the freight elevator. There had to be another way out she didn’t know about.

“Where the hell did all those clowns come from?” April asked. “I thought there was only a few here.”

“Probably from that big meat locker,” Coy said.

“Meat locker?”

“I guess that’s what it was. There was a whole bunch a clowns in there. They all seemed like they were asleep and hanging from these big meat hooks. They musta woke up.”

“Goddamn. Is there anything else I need to know about?” April asked, annoyed.

“Uh, I don’t think so.”

“So down that way was a meat locker full of frozen clowns and a room with a bunch of kids in cages. There’s nothing else you saw you forgot to mention?”

“No, I’m sure that’s it.”

“You’re sure?”

“I think so.”

“God, you fucking hill jack,” April said as she undid the deadbolt and stuck her head out the door. “It’s clear,” she said as they stepped out of the room and worked their way back down the hall. She couldn’t take her mind off Stacy, even though she was worried about those kids. No telling where she was or what they were doing with her.

Once they were back around the curve and down the corridor, they found the meat locker which was now empty.

“See? All these empty hooks had clowns hanging off them,” Coy explained.

“Holy shit,” April said. “Every one of these hooks did?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit, there’s at least a hundred.”

“Looks like it,” Coy said.

“God, we are fucked. We have to get out of here.”

They went further to the next room where the kids were. When she saw them, April put her hand over her mouth. There were several kids, aging from toddlers to seven or eight year olds locked in small cages. There were little coffee cans in the cages with them as well as empty paper plates. The whole room smelled like piss and shit.

“What in the fuck?” April asked. “Come on, let’s get them out of here. You came in around here?”

“Yeah, it was through a vent. Not sure if I can get out that way.”

“Either way. We can’t just leave them here,” April said.

“Oh yes you can!” a voice said behind them.

April spun around with the tomahawk but froze when she saw Stacy’s face with her hollow eyes staring back at her. It was a clown, wearing a mask that looked like Stacy, but it wasn’t a mask. It was her face.

Chapter 23

Uncle Monkey knew something wasn’t right. He couldn’t explain it, but the Funhouse was telling him so. As he headed back to the control room, he tried to shake the feeling. Once he reached the control center, he scanned the monitors. After a few different screens he saw him.

“Son of a bitch. Dirty Rusty,” he mumbled. The old clown was just like Uncle Monkey had remembered. He had no idea how Rusty could have gotten out of the locker. No one ever escaped there before. They were basically in suspended animation. He remembered tricking Rusty into violating the Funhouse rules before putting him into the locker. No doubt Rusty wouldn’t be too happy.

Rusty was in one of the play rooms cutting some girl up, one of the travelers most likely. How did he get out of the locker? As he looked around, Uncle Monkey saw that while he was messing around with Captain Cowpoke, the entire Funhouse was coming apart. One screen showed Crazy Koko’s mangled body lying on the ground. In another screen, he saw a large pack of clowns walking through a corridor toward the main floor.

“Jesus Christ!” Uncle Monkey said as he ran out of the control room. He weaved his way through the hallways as fast as he could until he reached the playroom. The door swung open as he ran inside. Dirty Rusty was standing over the table which was completely covered in blood. Rusty had blood all over his clown suit as well. The girl’s face has been cut off, along with her arms at the elbows and her legs at the knees. He used a blowtorch which they kept in the playroom among other tools to cauterize her wounds. Now she was just a naked, bloody stump lying on the table.

The girl was sobbing and whimpering as Rusty looked up at him as he came in. A stack of severed limbs was at Rusty’s feet.

“Well! Hello old friend!” Rusty said.

“What the hell? How did you get out? Do you know what you’ve done?”

“I’m quite aware of what is happening. Your little reign over this Funhouse is coming to an end. Oh and you should really work on your security here. One of the townspeople just waltzed right in and let me out.”

“The hell it is,” Uncle Monkey said as he looked around the room and at the table. “Jesus, you made a fucking mess in here!”

“Maybe a little. She’s still alive if you want to take a whack at her. Haha! Get it?” Rusty said holding up the large knife. “Whack? Get it?”

“Yes I get it. I think you were frozen too long.”

“Oh, I feel well rested. Which is good, things are about to get crazy.” Rusty took the knife and made a single swipe along the girl’s throat. She gagged and wheezed as blood sprayed onto the floor. After a minute or so she had stopped moving.

No sooner did he finish the girl when the door burst open once again. This time, several clowns came through the door and grabbed Uncle Monkey, dragging him into the hall. He struggled and kicked as each of them grabbed his arms and legs, several punched and kicked him. He fell to the ground feeling helpless as they picked him up off the ground.

*                       *                      *                              *

“Oh look! The party is about to get started!” Rusty said.

“You can’t do this! I run this place! Where’s Creampuff? Creampuff!”

“He’s off wandering around somewhere. So looks like you’re on your own for this one. Let’s go boys!” Rusty shouted. The pack of clowns were laughing and cackling randomly as they dragged Uncle Monkey down the hall. They carried him on their shoulders, by his arms and legs as Dirty Rusty marched out in front of them. They wove their way through the corridors and headed outside.

“What the hell are you doing?” Uncle Monkey asked.

“I don’t want to make too big a mess in my Funhouse,” Rusty said.

They carried Uncle Monkey to one of the light posts in the parking lot. The lights hadn’t worked in ages, but the poles were still there. Several clowns tied him to the post with a combination of wires and cables and whatever else they had found lying around.

“You are dead Rusty! You hear me? You’re fucking dead! Forget about the locker. I’ll put your head on a fucking spike!” Uncle Monkey screamed.

“I highly doubt that.” Rusty said. “Though you’re welcome to try.”

Rusty was enjoying watching his former protégé struggle for his life. He knew Uncle Monkey was more frightened than he was letting on. Another clown came running up to them carrying a large gas can. The clown began pouring gasoline all over Uncle Monkey.

“Gasoline? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re gonna burn me alive?” Uncle Monkey said.

“Well we’ll burn you until you’re dead,” Rusty said. He looked up at the sky as the sun was creeping up over the horizon. It had been so long since he’d seen the sun, or much of anything for that matter. There would be time to reflect on that later.

The clown discarded the gas can as the gasoline smell stung Rusty’s nose. Another clown stepped forward with a book of matches, lit it and tossed it onto Uncle Monkey. He was immediately engulfed in flames as the fire covered him from head to toe. Rusty stepped back watching as he took in the smell of burning flesh and another strange smell. Rubber maybe? He’d never seen a clown burn before.

Uncle Monkey was still screaming when one of the clowns called out.

“Hey boss! Look!” He pointed to the edge of the parking lot. Rusty looked to see several pickup trucks pulling in to the funhouse. “They bringing more outsiders?” The clown asked.

Rusty saw people in the beds of the trucks, mostly men but there were a few women. All of them had guns. Rifles, shotguns and even handguns. They were all headed toward the Funhouse. They must think the clowns had done something with their local who came in on his own. Where did that guy go anyway? Either way, looks like the townspeople finally grew some balls.

Chapter 24

April wanted to charge at the clown, but seeing Stacy’s lifeless face made her hesitate. Her best friend, the girl who had been like a sister to her for so long, was now gone. This asshole was wearing her actual skin on his face like it was a gag or a costume. He came stumbling into the room, laughing from behind the mask. She looked over at Coy who looked absolutely horrified.

“What’s wrong? I thought you’d want to play! Woohoo! Let’s have a masquerade! I’m wearing your friend. Maybe you two can switch faces!”

The children in the cages began crying and screaming as the clown got further into the room. She ran at the clown with the tomahawk and took a swing. He ducked and put his arm out. The tomahawk connected, hacking it clean off. Green sludge squirted from the stump as the clown just laughed.

“Wow, can someone give me a hand? Hahaha!” he said. “Haha! A hand, get it?” His severed hand flopped around on the floor like a dying fish out of water.

She wanted to chop his face, but couldn’t bring herself to do it while he had Stacy’s skin on his head. He ran toward her, swinging his oozing stump, hurling whatever the sludge was onto her hair and face. She ducked and lunged at his legs, hacking at his knee. The tomahawk planted in his kneecap and stuck there as the clown tumbled to the floor. She dislodged it and chopped at his other leg.

Lying on his stomach, she stood over him and pulled Stacy’s face off his head. He looked up at her, his eyes widening as reality finally set in that she wasn’t playing and he was about to go back to sleep for good. April brought the tomahawk down in between his eyes, splitting his rubbery head open like a melon. Green sludge oozed out along with other gray chunks she assumed was his brain. Not wanting to stand around and study clown anatomy, she turned to Coy.

“Get those kids out of there. Help me,” she said as she began unlatching the cages, helping the kids out. Some had trouble walking, as they had been bunched up for who knows how long. Most of them got their footing once they were out and steadied themselves. Each of them picked up some of the younger ones and carried them.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” she said. They went out into the hall and to the left. Checking several rooms, they found a stairwell that went up. They got to the next floor where it was quiet. She looked around the empty hall.

“Where are all the clowns?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Want me to call for ‘em?” Coy said.

“No, it’s just weird. They been all over the place. Now there is no sign of them.”

“Maybe they found that Monkey guy and killed him or something.”

“Maybe. Let’s go.”

As they walked further, there was an intersecting hallway just ahead. There were loud footsteps coming from the other direction. April stopped and sat the little boy down she was carrying and readied the tomahawk. After waiting several minutes, a clown came running around the corner, stopped and looked at them. He looked as surprised as they were. He also looked strangely familiar.

“Todd?” April said.

The clown folded his hands in front of his body and hung his head.

“I’m afraid Todd is no longer with us,” he said. “He is now...” He put his arms out to his side as he leaped. “Captain Cowpoke! Woohoo!”

He still looked somewhat like himself, other than the frizzy half head of hair, white skin, and fucked up smile. Imagine Ronald McDonald after a few years on crystal meth. That’s what Captain Cowpoke looked like.

“Captain Cowpoke? And why are you a clown? I thought they killed you,” April said.

“Nope! They liked me so much they made me one of them! Hahaha! Isn’t that great?”

“They killed your fucking girlfriend you ass. They fucking gutted her like a pig. They killed Stacy too, fucking butchered her! You think that’s great?”

“Well, that is unfortunate. But think of this place as like a cocoon. We all entered as slimly little larvae, but at least one of us...me, came out as a beautiful butterfly!” He was flapping his arms out at his sides and bouncing up and down on his toes.

April glared at him for a moment.

“Uh yeah. You have to die,” she said as she reared back with the tomahawk. Todd or Captain Cowpoke squealed as he saw the threat and he turned and ran. She sprinted behind him trying to keep up, but he was around another corner and out of sight well ahead of her. She couldn’t figure out how they moved so fast, or how Todd was now one of these clowns, but it didn’t matter. She went back and picked up the little boy and nodded to Coy.

“Ok, let’s go,” she said as they headed back through the hall. After wandering around for quite a while, they found themselves in the front lobby of the Funhouse where April had first come in. As they headed for the door, there were gunshots and explosions coming from outside.

“What’s all that noise?” Coy asked.

“Fuck, I don’t think I want to know,” she said as she sat the child down and cracked the door open, peeking outside. There she saw the huge pack of clowns from earlier in what amounted to a brawl with the townspeople. Many of the townsfolk had guns and were shooting at the clowns, who outnumbered them. Some were being tackled and ripped to pieces. Of course, the clowns were all laughing.

“So what’s going on?” Coy asked.

“Looks like your people finally decided to do something about this place. It isn’t pretty though.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

April peeked back outside and looked at Coy.

“I’m going to kill them all.”

Chapter 25

Old Man Gunn sat in his pickup truck as the other pickups lined up behind him. It wasn’t hard to get people willing to go attack the Funhouse. Seems people had been itchin’ for an excuse to go after those clowns for years. Between fear and tradition, no one wanted to be the first one to step up. After several generations, this was all the people of Happytown knew. They didn’t always like it, but they feared angering the clowns in the mysterious Funhouse. At some point, no one was sure what was true and what was folklore about the place. Either way, once the decision was made, they were ready to go.

All the men in the town were armed and ready to go. Some of the women joined in as well as several teenagers. All were carrying rifles or shotguns. A few had more heavy duty stuff like AK-47s or AR-15s. Reggie Jenkins had a belt fed M249 SAW. Gunn didn’t even want to know how he got that thing. There were seven or eight people in the bed of Gunn’s truck looking like they were headed out for a deer hunt. Kyle was fully armed and walking up and down the rows of trucks checking on everybody.

He walked up to Old Man Gunn, who rolled the window down.

“You sure you want to do this?” Kyle asked.

“Sure as I am about anything. Figure I’d rather be dead than let them take one of our boys away from us. Besides, they been runnin’ this town for way too long. It’s time we stopped being their doormats,” Gunn said.

“I agree. It might get ugly.

“They only have a few clowns. How hard you think it will be?”

“I don’t know. We’ve never seen the inside of that place or what they are capable of,” Kyle said.

“Well hopefully we’ll get it done quick and get Coy out of there. Then burn the place to the ground.”

“Works for me.” Kyle stepped away and waved his finger over his head in a circular motion. He jumped into the passenger seat as everyone hollered and yelled as the pickup trucks all pulled out. The drive to the Funhouse was only a few minutes. Though Gunn saw the bonfire way ahead of time.

“What in the hell are they doin’?” Gunn asked.

“Looks like a bonfire. Do clowns do bonfires?” Kyle said.

“I guess these do. Oh shit,” Gunn said as they got closer and saw there weren’t just a few clowns, but at least a hundred, maybe more.

“Oh my God,” Kyle said.

“Should we call it off?” Gunn asked, but before Kyle could answer, one of the men in the bed of Gunn’s truck opened fire. The others opened fire as the clowns, who were standing around a light pole which was on fire, all turned and charged them.

“Well, too late now,” Gunn said as he put the truck in Park, grabbed his shotgun off the rack and jumped out.

He’d seen plenty of clowns in his life, but never the ones from the Funhouse, at least not close up. These clowns were the most horrifying things he’d ever seen. If these guys showed up at a kid’s birthday party, they were sure to scare everyone off. Hell, the kids would all need therapy later. All of their smiles were way, way too big and slightly twisted, with wiry hair and crazy eyes. There were all different variations, but all of them were freaky as hell.

Once they were in range, Gunn fired the shotgun into the pack. He hit one of them dead center, but the clown kept coming at him after stumbling. He fired another shot but that had no effect either. Taking a second, he watched the others shooting the clowns. Most of the shots were hitting their bodies, but having no effect. Some hit clowns in the head, but only a few of those did anything and that was only if they managed to blow most of their heads off.

“Jesus, these things aren’t human. Not human at all!” Gunn said as he began to backpedal. Either no one else noticed or cared that the clowns weren’t dying. The clowns were walking toward them but began running, picking up speed as they got closer. The look of hate and rage on their faces was the stuff of nightmares. He wanted to turn and run, but there was nowhere to go. They continued to advance until they were right on top of the townspeople.

Old Man Gunn spun the shotgun around holding it by the barrel and began swinging it like a baseball bat. He hit one clown right in the face, caving his face in. Some of the clowns had huge, sharp teeth and were tearing into people. People were screaming as some tried to run away. The clowns were incredibly fast, running people down and tearing them to pieces either with their teeth, or just ripping them limb from limb. There was one clown cutting the organs out of somebody as if he were playing a game of Operation.

He took another swing, but before he could come around, one large clown had grabbed the butt of the shotgun and leaned close to Gunn’s face. The clown’s eyes were huge and yellow. His face stretched into a demented grin with a tiny top hat stuck to the top of his head. When he smiled, the clown revealed a mouthful of razor sharp teeth.

“Sorry old man! I believe your time has expired! Hahaha!” the clown said as he grabbed Old Man Gunn’s head. Gunn fought against the clown’s grip as the clown began twisting his neck. The clown quickly twisted Gunn’s head to the left, as everything went black. His last thought before he died was that at least he was going out quickly.

What Old Man Gunn didn’t live to see was the clown holding his head into the air as if it were a trophy before tossing it aside. Gunn’s body fell to the ground to be trampled under the feet of the killer mob.

Chapter 26

“Where’s your truck?” April asked.

“It’s over on the side of the building,” Coy said.

“Let’s go.” They took the kids and ran to the side of the building where Coy’s old pickup sat. She helped the kids into the back of the truck. As she lifted the first one into the bed, there was a chainsaw sitting there.

“You have a chainsaw?”

“Yeah. I was helping Old Man Gunn clear up some brush off his property,” Coy said.

“Well shit.” April picked up the chainsaw and sat it next to the truck as finished loading the kids. She put the two toddlers into the cab and turned to Coy.

“Where you gonna sit?” Coy asked.

“I’m not. Take these kids into town, to somewhere safe. Someone that isn’t gonna feed them to some fucked up clowns or something. Can you do that?”

“Yeah. I think Mrs. Reynolds could keep an eye on ‘em.”

“Good, do that and come back here to pick me up.”

“What are you gonna do?”

April picked up the chainsaw and pulled the cord, the chainsaw roared to life.

“I’m gonna fuck shit up,” she said.

Turning away, she ran toward the battle. As she ran, Coy started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot, taking a wide route around the crowd to avoid any stray bullets. She reached the pack, finding a couple of clowns tearing some guy’s arms and legs off. They were whacking each other with his severed arms like a couple kids playing sword fight. The guy was still alive and flopping around. The clowns looked up at her just before she buzzed through both their heads with the saw, cutting their heads in half. They fell to the ground as the pathetic, dying man looked up at her.

“Help me? Please?” he said. She took the saw and cut his head off with one swipe. She figured it was the most merciful thing she could do for him. She had no sympathy for these townspeople. Her best friend was dead and died horribly because of these assholes.

She ran into the mob swinging the saw from side to side. Blood squirted like a fountain as she cut people and clowns in half. Green sludge sprayed in the air as each clown was cut to shreds. The townspeople didn’t even see her coming as she took them out in various ways. Some she impaled with the chainsaw, others she cut in half sideways or down the middle, whichever was easiest.

It was the same with the clowns. They were all so wrapped up fighting each other, and of course the clowns had to make a game of it all. Some of the clowns remained alive even after being cut in two. They lay on the ground, trying to scoot along with their hands, laughing wildly. She let out a scream as she tore through the mob.

Something she wouldn’t reflect on until later was how good it all felt. The past year since her last ordeal had been so hard for her. Now for the first time since then, she felt alive. This mess made the ordeal with the McDougals look like a day at the park. She had no idea what these clowns were or where they came from, but she fully intended to send every one of them straight to hell. She had become Death.

For the next hour, she hacked and slashed her way through the crowd, cutting them down two and three at a time. Eventually there were only a few left. Some men from the town had taken off running toward one of the pickups. She ran after them and caught up to one who tripped when a half clown grabbed his ankle. She cut the clown’s head off before sawing through the man’s stomach and up to his neck and finally cutting his head in half.

She ran to the truck where the other man was inside fumbling with his keys. Lifting the chainsaw, she cut him in half diagonally from his shoulder to his waist. Turning off the saw, she held it to her side as she turned and looked around. The parking lot looked like a war zone, except with dead clowns. There was blood everywhere mixed with whatever the green clown sludge was. There were severed heads and body parts lying around. Some clowns were still alive, trying to pull themselves toward the Funhouse by their hands.

April walked through and finished each of them off. As she did so, Coy returned in his truck. She dropped the chainsaw and walked to the pickup and climbed in. Looking at herself, she was covered from head to toe in blood.

“Holy shit!” Coy said. “Did you do all that?” he said pointing at the carnage.

“Yeah, I did,” she said, looking straight ahead.

“Goddamn. You killed everybody!”

“Good observation.”

“But, you killed my townsfolk, too. Them were my friends,” he whined.

“Your friends were a bunch of murdering assholes. My friends are all dead because of them. Because of you even,” she said, turning her head and glaring at Coy. He sank down in his seat as their eyes met. Right away she recognized the look on his face. Fear. He was terrified of her. Good.

Ever since they got out of that dark room, she had been contemplating if she should kill Coy or not. Up until now, she had planned on doing so. But now she wasn’t sure. Yes, he brought them to the Funhouse at gunpoint. Though she was learning he was a pretty simple guy. Plus, he did risk his own life going into the Funhouse to find her.

“Are you gonna hurt me?” He asked.

“No. Let’s get out of here,” she said. He put the pickup in drive and they headed back into town. As they drove, she thought of Stacy and the way she’d seen her last. She’d left Stacy’s face in the Funhouse. Maybe she could go get it and bury it. But she didn’t want to risk going back in that place at all. Before they reached the town she rested her head against the window and closed her eyes and instantly fell asleep.

Chapter 27

April woke up in someone’s bed, alone. She looked around and assessed the room. It had flowery wallpaper and a large vanity in the corner. Sitting up, she was still in her bra and shorts and still bloody, though the blood had dried into a brown crust on her skin. She climbed out of the bed and opened the door. In the hallway, she heard a TV coming from another room. She walked into the living room to see an old woman sitting on a couch, with several of the children sitting around playing.

The kids had all been cleaned up and were wearing different clothes. The woman looked up at her.

“Oh! You’re awake!” she said.

“Where am I?”

“I’m Mrs. Reynolds. You’re in my home. Coy brought you here.”

“Where is Coy?”

“He’s out tending to some things. You slept a long time,” Mrs. Reynolds said.

“How long?”

“About two days. I’m cooking dinner right now. Got a nice roast in the oven. Why don’t you get cleaned up and dinner will be ready. You could use it I’m sure. Coy said you’d really been through the ringer.”

“Yeah, I have.”

“There’s clothes in the closet there that should fit you. Some of my daughter’s clothes. Get you out of those rags.”

“Yeah. Thank you,” April said as she headed back to the bedroom. She undressed and climbed into the shower. Blood ran down the drain as it washed off her. She washed her hair and body until all the blood and dirt was gone. Once she was clean, she stepped out and wrapped a towel around herself. After the shower, she felt like a new person. Looking at herself in the mirror, she brushed her black hair and found some women’s jeans and a t-shirt in the closet.

Once she was dressed she headed back to the living room but followed the smell into the dining room. There was Mrs. Reynolds seated at the table with the children seated around, some were in booster seats.

“There you are! You look so pretty!” Mrs. Reynolds said.

“Thank you,” April said. Looking at her plate, there was some cut up roast, steamed broccoli, mashed potatoes and a can of diet Coke.

“You’re probably pretty hungry.”

“Starving,” April said.

“Well don’t wait around. You need your strength. Go ahead and eat, dear.”

April sat down and dug into the roast. Each bite was juicy and tender. It was cooked to perfection. She scarfed down the meat, the potatoes, and broccoli and washed it all down with the Diet Coke. She sat the can down and looked up at Mrs. Reynolds.

“Wow, you were hungry,” the old woman said.

“Yeah, I guess I was.”

“How was it, dear?”

“Oh it was great. Thank you.”

“Oh good. I’m so glad. My daughter always loved my roast.”

“Yeah. Where is your daughter anyway? Does she still live around here?”

“No. I’m afraid not,” Mrs. Reynolds said, setting her fork down.

“She move away?” April asked.

“No. You killed her you little cunt.”

No sooner did Mrs. Reynolds speak when April began to feel lightheaded. At first just a little, but suddenly the room began to spin. She tried to stand, but stumbled to the floor, trying to hold herself up against the table.

“How’d you like them roofies, bitch?” Mrs. Reynolds said as she came around the table, standing over April. “My daughter went out there to help save you and your friends. I told her not to go, but she wanted to help. Always was a tomboy. Well you cut her in half with that goddamn chainsaw. Couldn’t just kill the clowns. You had to kill everyone. My daughter, my friends. Now there’s just a few of us left in this town.” She paused to give April a feeble kick in the side. “Everyone in this town isn’t bad! We’re not murderers! You saw those clowns and what they could do. You think we liked them lording over us for all these years? You think we enjoyed grabbing travelers and their kids and forcing them into that place? The few times one of us didn’t do it, we disappeared. No thank you.”

“You really thought I was gonna take care of you? You’re not nearly as smart as Coy thought. Though he always was kinda slow. How you feelin? Got the spins yet?”

The woman kept talking, but April couldn’t tell what she was saying. It all turned to gibberish as things kept spinning faster and faster until everything went dark. Right before she passed out, she wished she had killed Coy.

Epilogue

In a bar several miles from Happytown

The clown formerly known as Todd sat at the bar looking around. By now he’d fully embraced his new persona as Captain Cowpoke. He wasn’t quite ready to fight over it like the other clowns were. When he saw the mayhem outside the funhouse, he took off in one of the townies’ pickup trucks. The big guy, Creampuff hitched a ride with him. The two clowns couldn’t help but be noticed the other bar patrons staring at them.

“So you clowns with the carnies I take it?” the bartender asked.

“Carnies?” Cowpoke said.

“Yeah, that shitty carnival over by the feed store. They got a circus tent and everything. Figured you was with them.”

“Oh, right. Yes of course we’re with the carnies. Right buddy?” Cowpoke said as he elbowed Creampuff. Creampuff just nodded while sipping his soda through a straw.

“You guys do laundry over there? The two of you are filthy,” the bartender said.

“Oh, sure. Laundry day isn’t until Saturday though. Anyway, I guess we’ll go.” Cowpoke stood and looked around. “Which way is the feed store? Sorry, I got a little turned around on the way here.”

“Out the door, then to your left. Follow the road and you’ll see the strip mall. It’s the biggest store there.”

“Got it,” Cowpoke said as the two clowns walked out of the bar and began the trek to the feed store. It took almost an hour to get there, but Cowpoke’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw it. It wasn’t the biggest big top he’d ever seen, but it was glorious on its own.

“Wow! Look at that Creampuff! This is our new home!” he said. Creampuff nodded as they walked toward the large tent. Outside the tent a little boy and his mom walked by.

“Mommy look! Clowns!” the boy said.

The woman walked over with her son as Cowpoke tried his best not to be awkward. She looked young for having a boy his age, maybe twenty-two at the oldest. The boy had to be at least six or seven. Cowpoke looked her up and down. She had long blonde hair, and was wearing a tank top that fit way too tight and a pair of jean shorts.

“Can one of you make a balloon animal for Tommy? He loves balloon animals,” she said.

Cowpoke and Creampuff looked at each other and shrugged.

“Oh, uh, sure.” Cowpoke dug in his pocket and found a couple of balloons in there. He had no idea how they had gotten there. This was an old suit when they gave it to him, so maybe its previous owner used them. He took out the balloon and blew it up, tying off the end. Problem was, he had no clue how to make a balloon animal. Improvising the best he could, he twisted and tied the balloon all around until it was a mass of knots.

“Here you go kid,” Cowpoke said holding it out.

“What is it?” the boy said.

“It’s, uh...giraffe!”

“No it isn’t. That’s not anything.”

“Sure it is kid. You want it or not?”

“You’re not a real clown are you?”

Cowpoke squeezed the balloon, bursting in his hand. The boy and his mom both jumped as he stood straight.

“That’s quite a little shithead you got there lady,” he said.

“Excuse me?”

“Your son. He’s an ungrateful little brat.”

“How rude! I’m going to report you,” the woman said.

“Oh come on mom. I got something better for you than balloon animals,” he said as he undid his clown suit and took out his clown penis. His also was long, almost snakelike, with the large red bulb on the end. He squeezed it, causing it to honk as it squirted green slime toward her. The woman screamed, grabbed her son and ran off. Cowpoke turned to Creampuff and shrugged.

“I guess she’s afraid to party with a real man,” he said.

“There you are!” someone called from behind them. They turned and a man in a suit was coming out of the tent. “The show’s about to start! Get in there!”

“Oh right,” Cowpoke said. “Sorry. What do you need me to do?”

“You’re clowns! Do clown shit! Get in there.” The man pushed them inside the tent, walked them past a back stage area where there were acrobats stretching out and other performers changing or warming up. They walked through a small tunnel and into the big top. The man in the suit grabbed some bowling pins and handed them to Cowpoke.

“Here. To juggle with or something. Now get out there,” he said.

Cowpoke and Creampuff ran out into the arena. There were a couple other clowns chasing each other with a fire extinguisher. When he and Creampuff made their way out there, a collective “oooh” went out from the crowd. Most likely they were awed by Creampuff’s size. Creampuff looked around and at Cowpoke.

“I don’t know, dance or something,” Cowpoke told him.

So Creampuff began to awkwardly hop around on one foot, alternating feet while waving his arms at his sides like he were an airplane. Cowpoke began tossing the bowling pins up in the air trying to juggle, but kept dropping them. One bounced off his head before hitting the ground. The crowd laughed though. His head hurt, but at least he was somewhat blending in.

Cowpoke continued his dance until the ring announcer stepped into the arena.

“Let’s hear it for our wonderful clowns!” the ring announcer said as the crowd applauded. “Now! For our next act. It’s one of the most death defying feats known to man!”

“Hey! Come on!” someone said. It was one of the other clowns waving to Cowpoke from a few feet away. “That’s our cue to get backstage,” he said. Cowpoke followed him out of the arena into the backstage area.

“Are you new or something? I never saw you two before,” the clown said.

“Uh, yeah. Pretty new I guess,” Cowpoke said.

“Ok. I figured. I’m Mel,” he said putting his hand out. Cowpoke shook his hand.

“Captain Cowpoke.”

“Ha! I love it. Staying in character. One of our guys used to do that, too. He retired last year. Good guy he was.”

“So are you from another Funhouse?” Cowpoke asked.

“Am I what?”

“From another Funhouse. Like the one we just came from, in Happytown.”

“Funhouse? Happytown? Dude, you been doing carnies too long. You should get out more,” Mel said. He grabbed his red hair and pulled on it, removing the wig and bald cap. He then took out a rag and began wiping makeup off his face, revealing the man underneath.

“Hey!” Cowpoke said. “You’re not a real clown!”

“What? What the hell are you talking about?”

Creampuff grabbed one of the bowling pins out of Cowpoke’s hand and immediately smashed it across the side of Mel’s face. Mel fell to the ground, breathing in short, labored gasps as one of his legs twitched. Creampuff bent down and continued smashing his face with the bowling pin until Mel’s head was completely busted open. Blood and brains oozed onto the ground. Creampuff dropped the bowling pin, turned to Cowpoke and smiled.

The End

Also by Tim Miller

The Hand of God

Revenge of the Three

Dark Exorcist

Dark Exorcist 2

Blood Slayer

Family Night

Hell Texas

Night of Vengeance

Bloody Bank Heist

The Country Club

Road to Darkness

Dead to Writes (April Almighty Book 1)

About the Author

Tim began writing at a very young age. As a teenager he would write short stories of horror to entertain himself and his friends. Not knowing at the time this would one day lead to his dream of becoming a published author. Tim has studied various religions and psychology as evident in the "Hand of God" books and "Dark Exorcist."

From there, Tim began to venture into the realm of splatterpunk and extreme horror, which kicks the gore factor into overdrive. With the release of "Family Night" Tim has been off to the races. He has released several bestselling titles that are sure to turn your stomach.

You can follow Tim on his website at http://timmiller.org and on Twitter @TimMiller2011