Contents

Copyright

1: New Job

2: Library Visit

3: Night Life

4: Stir Crazy

5: Lunch Interrupted

6: Avoidance

7: Walk in the Park

8: Preparations

9: Setting Terms

10: Past Problems

11: Confrontation

12: Meet the Parent

13: Change of Hearts

14: The Future

15: Dance

16: Standing Up

17: Cats, Bags, Etc.

18: The Big One

19: Good for the Soul

20: Debutantes

21: Pastor Dan's Last Stand

22: To the Future

Author's Note

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Free Sample: Love Games

1: Anticipation

2: The Gathering

3: Dread

4: To the Gathering

5: Digital Destruction

6: First Night

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Just Friends

A Lesbian Romance

By Mia Archer

Copyright 2016 Mia Archer

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Individuals pictured on the cover are models and used for illustrative purposes only.

First digital edition electronically published by Mia Archer, April 2016

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1: New Job

“Excuse me ma’am, but could you show me where the books about the big red dog are?”

I smiled as I got down on my knees in front of the little girl. Her mom stood back and to the side just a little. It was obvious this was mama bird pushing the baby out of the next, and it was equally obvious that the little girl in front of me was nervous about approaching a stranger.

I winced inside at the “ma’am” bit, but I’d discovered nothing made you feel old faster than working with children and teenagers.

“I’d be happy to,” I said. “We have a whole shelf full of his books right over here!”

I didn’t condescend. I didn’t use a singsong voice that I’d seen some people using when they were working with children. I treated her like I would an adult. When we were at the shelf and she had her “big red dog” book all picked out she looked up at me and grinned showing off a missing tooth near the front.

“Thanks lady!”

“Addison!” the mom said, finally chiming in. “Be more polite to the nice librarian!”

Addison blushed and looked down. I wanted to tell her that it was okay, but another lesson I’d learned early on in my time here was that it wasn’t a good idea to interrupt mama bird pushing the baby out of the next unless it was obvious mama bird was hurting the baby in the process. So I held my tongue.

Besides, who was I to tell someone how to raise their kids? I was fresh out of grad school and would probably never have any kids of my own considering. I’d long ago reconciled myself to being childless when I decided I preferred the ladies to the gentlemen. Sure I knew a couple of girls who talked about adopting someday or finding a donor, but they were all in relationships that were way more serious than any of the flings I’d been involved in.

No, I was probably stuck taking all of my motherly instincts and throwing them at the kids who came into the library. Not that that was necessarily a bad thing. I hadn’t gotten any complaints yet since I started the job.

“Sorry ma’am. Thank you very much for the book!”

That much politeness seemed to be the limit of what little Addison could handle. She scampered off towards the front of the library. Her mom stopped to favor me with a smile and then turned to follow her daughter.

I didn’t mind watching the mother walk away. She added a nice bit of scenery to the children’s room. Our town was just far enough away from the city that it didn’t attract as many of the soccer mom yuppie types as some of the bigger suburbs closer in, but there were still a few who could rock the yoga pants with the best of them.

I shook my head and looked at the cart of books ready to be shelved. It was a testament to how quickly I’d grown used to life outside of college and grad school that I was looking at a young mom in her yoga pants and thinking those sorts of thoughts. A definite change from the days when I’d been surrounded by pretty young things.

“You’re dreaming if you think you’re going to find something like that out here in Hooterville, Kirsten,” I muttered to myself as I got back to work. It was just me and Ethel running the place, after all, and these books weren’t going to shelve themselves.

Twenty minutes later I went back to my office and flopped down in the chair. Shelving books could be surprisingly good cardio. Not to mention there were some stacks of books that rivaled anything I’d ever lifted. Especially since I hadn’t been as good about hitting the gym while I was in grad school as maybe I was when I was in undergrad.

I paused and looked around at my domain. A small office with glass running floor to ceiling on one end. I had a small wooden desk that had a slightly musty smell to it that said it had probably been sitting in this office since well before I was born. Maybe even since before my parents were born. The library had been here for more than a century, after all. One of the original Carnegie libraries with all the elaborate stonework outside to go with it.

The small office wasn’t much, but it was mine. Well, it was the library board’s and I got to run it. Still, I figured I wasn’t doing bad coming back to the library where I first fell in love with books, even if it wasn’t exactly what I’d expected when I went off to grad school.

Hell, with the job market the way it was, even close to a decade after the financial crisis kicked anything that relied on public tax dollars right in the jewels, I was lucky that a combination of qualifications and good old fashioned small town nepotism were able to get me this job.

That and I was the only person who was stupid enough to take the paycheck they were offering and a schedule that amounted to working full time hours on a part time job description. All in the name of building up my resume a bit.

Ethel popped her head in and interrupted my reverie. She looked at me over half moon spectacles that seemed to take in everything. She had pure white hair and dressed in clothes that looked like they’d gone out of fashion when Eisenhower was still in office, which incidentally was probably the last time Ethel approached being in style, but that was Ethel. She’d worked at the library when my mom was a kid, and if my plans to get a couple years of experience and jet worked out then she’d still be working here after I left.

Fancy library directors with degrees from the big city came and went, but Ethel was eternal.

“Everything okay in here?”

I grinned and gave her a thumbs up. Ethel was the grande dame of our tiny one-library library system. She’d been doing story time back when I was a little girl. Hell, there were rumors she’d been doing story time back when some of the silver hairs on the library board were kids. Part of the reason why she couldn’t be fired.

It was a good thing we got along so well.

“Everything’s great. Just trying to catch my breath before we get the usual after school rush.”

“Understandable. I’ll be up manning the front desk if you need anything,” she said.

“Sure thing Ethel.”

I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes for a moment. Just a quick moment. Who would’ve thought working in a small town library would be so stressful, and yet there it was. Still, living in that small town meant I had a job and a subsidized apartment to live in thanks to my parents, so I wasn’t going to knock it too much even if I was working those full time hours for a part time paycheck.

All part of the plan. I figured if I got a couple of years here in small town paradise to gain experience then I’d have my pick of jobs in far more interesting places. It turns out that even jobs where you have to have a graduate degree just to get your foot in the door aren’t immune to the whole “you need at least five years of experience to get an entry level job” sort of thing.

On that day I finally had that experience, though? I was out of here. It might be nice living here on the cheap because my parents had an apartment sitting empty, but beyond the job there was nothing here for me. No social life, no nothing.

A few minutes later I moseyed my way up to the front desk where Ethel was going over some of the budgeting. Technically that was something I was supposed to do, but unofficially she’d been doing it for so long that it was unofficially her official duty. One of the library board told me I’d get that spreadsheet when I pried it from her cold dead hands, which didn’t seem likely to be happening any time soon given her surprising longevity.

“How are things up here Ethel?”

She looked at the empty room around her and then back to me as though that was all the answer she needed. Well this time would be a welcome respite when the afternoon crowds started coming in. It was a sight to behold. I turned to go back to more work.

“So do you have any plans for the weekend Kirsten?” Ethel asked.

I paused. Squeezed my eyes shut. Sighed. The question she asked me every Thursday and Friday. Sometimes it felt like I was working with a doting mother who wanted nothing more than to marry me off to a nice young man, because for a woman from her generation I’m sure there was no greater calling than to be married off to a nice young man. Not that it was a knock against Ethel. That’s just the world she grew up in.

The world she grew up in and the world I lived in were two very different worlds, though. She probably thought I should settle down with a nice husband. I was more interested in getting a date with a nice girl. Thinking about settling down and having a wife was the farthest thing from my mind, even if it was a possibility now thanks to the rapid shift in laws regarding that sort of thing.

Especially in this small town. I sighed. Yeah, my social life was on hold for the couple of years it would take for me to get enough experience on my resume to apply for jobs in bigger cities where they were more tolerant of my interest in the fairer sex, which was a damn shame but you had to do what you had to do to make it in this world.

Including lying to my nosy elderly employee who liked to stick her nose in everyone’s business. Partly because her job let her interact with everyone in town at a young age and partly because she happened to be the matriarch of a well-connected farming family which was about the pinnacle of social achievement around these here parts, Ethel knew just about everything about everyone.

Though there was at least one part of my life that I intended to keep secret from her. Not that I had to lie all that much. My boring plans for the weekend were all too real. See the aforementioned lack of a social life.

“No plans for me this weekend. Just coming in here and rearranging some of the stuff in the old reference section,” I said.

Ethel sniffed. “I still don’t think we should get rid of all those books. They’re necessary.”

“Come on Ethel. We have a set of encyclopedias in there from 1935.”

“What’s wrong with that? Someone might need information from that time for a book report or something.”

“Ethel. The H entry in that encyclopedia says Hitler is the dynamic new leader of Germany who makes neighboring countries a little nervous and Hiroshima is a Japanese city known mainly for its textile exports and absolutely nothing else. The books are going.”

“Well that’s your decision ultimately,” Ethel said in a tone that said she didn’t agree with my decision at all.

“It wouldn’t hurt for you to get out a bit. Maybe date around,” Ethel said. “Lots of nice young local boys you could have fun with. I have a couple of great grandsons who are available, you know.”

She looked up at me so sharply that for a moment I thought she knew my big secret. The one I kept from everyone but my parents. The one I particularly kept from the library board because there were more than a few members who were strictly old school when it came to their religious convictions and this was an at-will employment state where they could come up with any excuse to get rid of me. That was a can of worms I planned on leaving unopened for the duration of my brief tenure in this job.

I chuckled. “Yeah, no offense to your great-grandsons but I don’t think the guys in this town have what I’m looking for.”

That was honest enough. So what if she took that to mean that I was more into guys from the city where I’d gotten my undergrad and graduate degree? At least that’s what most people thought when I gave them that line. The place was small enough that gay people were something that happened strictly outside the city limits. The idea that they might live and work amongst the good folk of this town never occurred to them.

“If you say so,” Ethel said, returning her attention to the budget. “Wouldn’t kill you to get out of the library every once in awhile and live a little though. You could always come along with me to bingo or something. At least that’s a change of scenery from all these dusty old books.”

“Dusty old books that aren’t going to weed themselves, Ethel,” I said. “I’ll be back in the reference section making some room. Let me know when the afternoon rush starts.”

“You know I will,” she said. “I can’t deal with that on my own! And think about what I said. Settling down with a nice man would be just the thing for you, I think!”

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ignore that last bit. Not that I kept my eyes squeezed shut for long. That was a good way to run headfirst into a bookshelf and break my nose.

Settle down with a nice man. I giggled. That would be the day. No, my social life was in a holding pattern as solidly as my professional life. I could resume life as normal when I’d put in my time here and got a job somewhere else. It’s not that I didn’t think I could have happiness here, it’s just that I wouldn’t know where to find it. Most people of my persuasion went off to the city and didn’t come back. At least I could still drive out there and hit the campus scene when I really felt the need to let off some steam.

Yeah, I was the outlier here. I just hoped I found something else in a city that was a little bigger and a little more cosmopolitan before I aged out of going to some of those college hangouts. I knew it was only a matter of a couple of years before I went from being a welcome face returning to an old haunt to one of those sad girls who’d aged out but couldn’t let go of the past.

I sighed. That was enough navel gazing for one afternoon. I had some ancient encyclopedias to weed and then a storytime to put together for tomorrow morning. Putting together a good schedule of children’s stories and performing them in a way that kept toddlers’ attention was easily the most difficult aspect of this job.

Yeah, I had so much work on my plate that I mostly didn’t have time to think about my lack of a social life or love life.

At least that’s what I told myself. It felt like a lie even as I thought it, and so I threw myself into my work. That was the one good thing about working those full time hours on a part time paycheck. I didn’t have much time to think about what was lacking in my life.

2: Library Visit

“Is there anything else you need?”

“Nope. Just my stories. Make sure you get everything on that list. They’re supposed to have them reserved for me,” mom said.

I smiled down at her, but as always it was difficult seeing her like this. She had the breathing machine in and she could still get around the house no problem, but it was difficult for her to go out into town. I hated seeing the strong woman I grew up with reduced to this, but I suppose that’s what happened with a lifetime of smoking. Sure she’d quit as soon as she got the diagnosis, but the doctor said she’d seen that happen with plenty of people. It’s not like it was going to do mom any good now. Too little, too late.

“I’ll be sure to get you all the titles. I’ll personally yell at Ethel if she’s missing anything,” I said.

“Thanks hon,” she said with a smile that looked just a little odd with the breathing tube attached to her nose. “Now go along. I’m sure you can’t wait to be out of here for a little while.”

“You know I don’t mind being here with you mom. This is home!”

“Right, right, now scoot along. My stories are about to come on TV.”

I shook my head and got out of there fast. I’d sat in on some of her stories. I always thought soap operas were ridiculous. That they weren’t long for this world since their audience of stay at home housewives had all gone to work or were getting old and dying off. I’d never imagined just how addictive they could be.

Best not to be in the room when the stories started. The last time that happened I found myself sitting in with her for the better part of two weeks hanging on every ridiculous storyline before I came to my senses and realized how silly I was being.

I turned the pickup on and revved the engine a couple of times. Dad’s truck might be old, but God I loved hearing that baby purr. I always loved riding in the thing with my dad growing up, and it still reminded me of him now that he was gone. It was a big part of the reason why I drove around the old beater instead of the shiny new pickup dad bought right before he passed. This was tradition. This was something I loved.

I loved it as much as I loved everything else about this place. A lot of people I grew up with had shot off to the city like a rocket as soon as they could, but even while I was off at college I couldn’t wait to get back here.

I know that made me the crazy one, but I didn’t care. I flipped on the radio and turned it to my favorite country station. In my opinion there was no other genre of music you could listen to when riding through rows and rows of fields in a pickup truck. Classic rock would be a sacrilege. That was the one big difference between me and dad, and the one tradition I was willing to do away with.

A lot of this farmland used to belong to our family. Now it was just down to a couple of acres around the house, which was a damn shame, but it’s not like there was anything else to do after dad died. I might love this area, but I wasn’t going to go so far as to become a farmer.

Ten minutes later I pulled into the library. The place was still mostly empty, especially for a Friday. I looked at the clock and smiled. I’d gotten in just ahead of the after school rush. Good. I only made this trip once every couple of weeks as mom cycled through her romance novels, and I always tried to time it so I was in during their off hours. I’d been in here when the place was teeming with kids who just got done with school over at the middle school, and it wasn’t pretty or easy to get through here.

“How’s it going Ethel?” I asked.

“Pretty good. How about yourself?” she asked.

“Can’t complain. Just hitting the romance section for some new material for mom.”

Ethel sighed and shook her head. “Damn shame about her sickness. Any good news from the doctors?”

I frowned and shook my own head. “Afraid not. There really isn’t any good news when you get COPD. Just trying to be as normal as possible while you can.”

“Still a damn shame. Do you need any help with that list?”

“Nah, I’m fine,” I said.

To be honest I always felt awkward about having Ethel along to help me. She was so old and frail looking, though I knew that betrayed a toughness. I also felt awkward about having her help me ever since the library stopped offering to reserve people’s books. I felt like it was breaking the rules even though she didn’t seem to mind. Besides, at this point I felt like I knew the romance section better than Ethel.

“Oh, have you seen the new girl?” Ethel asked. “I have a feeling the two of you might get along.”

“New girl? Did you get someone to help with shelving or something?”

“Nope. Shiny new director with a fancy degree from the city,” Ethel said.

I fixed her with a flat stare. “You say that like it’s almost a bad thing. You do remember I came back here with a fancy degree from the city, right?”

“Of course,” she said. “Big fancy nursing degree that you don’t use because you’re taking care of your mom. But that’s not the same. I haven’t been doing your job since your daddy was a little boy without a degree.”

“Jealous much?”

“Not at all. She’s actually really good. They hired her a month back, but I don’t think she was in the last time you were in to get your books.”

“Didn’t know about that. I’ll be sure to say hi if I run into her,” I said.

“You definitely should,” Ethel said, peering at me from under her glasses in a look that said I was going to do as she said or we were going to have words later.

Already I was picturing this new library director. Probably as ancient as Ethel with a hairstyle that had gone out of style a few decades prior and cat eye glasses. No doubt with the same dismal fashion sense that I’d come to expect from most librarians as well. Yeah, I was sure I’d know her as soon as I saw her, but I figured it would be good to introduce myself. I found it never hurt to be on the librarians’ good side. Especially when I spent so much time in this place.

I made my way into the library proper. Not that there was much room. This was an old Carnegie library from around the turn of the last century. They’d just had the centennial celebration for the thing a couple of years back with all sorts of celebrations. That meant that while it was nice in an old school stone sort of way, it was also small.

The path was so well worn that I was surprised there weren’t shoe prints in my size leading back to the romance section. Past the director’s office, through the small computer lab, past the children’s section where it looked like the new librarian was doing a story time. She was busy, so I figured I’d just glance in and…

Damn.

Okay, so it looked like the new librarian was like nothing I’d expected. In short, she was gorgeous. I wondered if she was from out of town or if she was just old enough that we didn’t go to school together. Because I would’ve remembered a girl like that. I would’ve had one hell of a girl crush on her.

Most likely an unrequited girl crush, at that. It seemed like all the girl crushes I’d had in this town had been of the unrequited variety. When they didn’t just plain result in disaster. I shivered as that got close to the memory of the single worst experience of my life, and I quickly chased those thoughts away.

Best not to think about that, or that staying in this town and helping my mom was basically accepting an end to my admittedly already unsuccessful love life.

Still, a girl could look and admire, and this new librarian was something worth admiring! Brown hair that fell down past her shoulders. Beautiful brown eyes to go along with. An easy smile to go with a pretty face. She even knew how to dress herself, and she had the kind of body that looked very nice under everything.

The girl paused in her story and looked up. Noticed me for the first time. She blushed and smiled, and I immediately melted. God was she hot! It wasn’t fair for a librarian to look that good. She was supposed to be a frumpasaurus with questionable fashion sense, not a temptress in business casual!

“Can I help you?”

It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me. I blinked. Right. I was standing looking down at the children’s area in the middle of a story time like an idiot. If I was a dude that would probably be grounds for calling the cops or something. As it was she just smiled up at me.

“Um, sorry, could you tell me where the romance section is?”

Idiot! It’s like my brain and my mouth were connected to two different systems. I knew exactly where the romance section was, but it’s not like she knew that and it seemed like as good an excuse as any to be standing there looking like an idiot. But what if she talked to Ethel later and found out that I knew exactly where it was?

I was letting my mind get away from me. I was getting distracted by the unexpected sexy. Unexpected sexy that was probably strictly off limits considering you didn’t run into many girls who were into girls in this town. No, most of those go the hell out of Dodge as soon as possible and never came back.

I was an outlier in that sense.

“They’re right on the other side of those shelves right in front of you,” the girl said with a smile that melted my heart and got me hot and bothered at the same time. Damn. Having a smile like that wasn’t fair. She should have a concealed weapon’s permit, because she was making me weak in the knees just from a simple look!

No, I was being crazy. I turned and moved back towards the romance section. Girls like that weren’t into girls. At all. I sighed as I thought of the bane of my dating life. Or lack thereof because no one in their right mind was willing to relocate to small town America considering they’d either escaped their own small town once upon a time or they’d heard horror stories from other girls they’d dated who’d escaped.

I thumbed through the romance novels. They were helpfully divided up by author and my mom had been very specific about what she was looking for. It amazed me that she could figure out a computer well enough to look up new novels coming out by her favorite authors, but she still refused to use an ereader. Only dead trees and ink for her.

I peered around the edge of the romance shelves and over to the new librarian. I still didn’t even have her name, though I’d be sure to fix that when I made my way up to chat with Ethel again. She was so gorgeous. I had to get to know her better.

Though I knew that was a dangerous game. Indulging in girl crushes with straight girls could be a dangerous thing. I’d learned that one the hard way in my teen years back when I still made the mistake of confusing best friends for romantic partners.

No, I wasn’t going to play that game anymore. What I was going to do was concentrate on getting all the books my mom wanted and worry about my own love life later. It was a damn shame I couldn’t pick out some romance books to tide me over, but they didn’t even stock that sort of romance book at this library. No audience.

I needed to take my own advice and get a damn ereader. At least them I’d have some outlet.

3: Night Life

I let out a sigh and a heave as I finished with the last big pile of books for the day. The kids who came in after school really did a number on the place. I’d considered complaining to the board that we were basically a glorified and woefully understaffed babysitting service in the afternoon, but I figured that was a fight for when I’d been on the job for a little longer.

“Long day?” Ethel called from her perch up front.

“You have no idea,” I said. “I caught a couple of teenagers back in the romance section getting frisky with each other.”

“Well at least they were in the right section for that sort of thing. That’s the only place in this town you’ll stand a chance of getting a decent sex education,” she said.

I barked out a laugh. Sometimes Ethel could really surprise me with her view of the world.

“I suppose you have a point there,” I said.

“Besides, finding a couple of kids making out in the romance section is nothing compared to some of the things I’ve found over the years. Would you believe your friend Darcy Thomas was conceived right in front of those encyclopedias you’ve been weeding?”

I grimaced and shook my head as I moved up to the front desk. I leaned on it and looked at people walking past in the town square outside. A few cars drove by as I thought of that unpleasant image. I knew Darcy’s parents, and that wasn’t an image I needed in my head.

“Thanks for that, Ethel,” I said.

“If I have to live with the horror of finding them en flagrante then I figure I should share the pain with someone,” she said. “You do use hand sanitizer after you’ve touched the books, don’t you?”

“Always,” I said. “Though I’m guessing anything left over from Darcy’s conception a couple of decades back has long since disappeared.”

“Right. Tell that to the unfortunate products of the sex ed they offer in this town,” she said.

I laughed again. “I didn’t know you were so progressive about that sort of thing.”

“I am when you see how many kids are getting knocked up because they don’t know any better,” Ethel muttered.

“Well I think I’m going to go over the budget numbers you put together today,” I said. “Any surprises in there?”

I glanced back through the library, going over a mental list of everything I needed to get done before we opened the doors tomorrow. I was supposed to be off tomorrow, but it was a weekend and that meant I had to be here manning the desk if I wanted the library to be open for the four hours we were supposed to be open.

I glanced over the children’s area and thought to that girl earlier in the day. She’d been striking with her red hair that was almost orange. She had freckles and green eyes that caught my attention and held it. She’d also seemed distracted while she was staring at me, and I’d almost thought she was a mom come to pick up one of her kids from storytime early, only there were no kids in the group that looked like her.

To say that she was distracting would be one hell of an understatement, though. That girl was gorgeous, easily the hottest woman I’d seen coming through the library since I started here a month ago, and I couldn’t get her out of my head. Looking over at the romance section or the children’s area was enough to bring her back to the forefront of my imagination. I thought of a few things I wouldn’t mind doing with her.

And promptly chased all those thoughts out of my head. The girl was going back to look at novels in the romance section. I knew for a fact that we didn’t have any LGBT romance books back there. Partly because no one had ever asked for them and partly because I’m sure anyone buying books worried about their long term career prospects the moment one of the overly religious nutters in this town discovered that sort of thing was back there.

I still remembered a protest from when I was younger with an honest-to-goodness picket line out in front of the library because the people from one of the more evangelically inclined churches in town thought romance novels was the equivalent of stocking pornography.

I wondered what they thought of what they could find on the Internet.

“Kirsten? Are you still with us?”

I blinked and turned back to Ethel. Came crashing back to reality, is more like it. Thoughts of that girl were very distracting. More distracting than any one girl had any right to be.

“Sorry about that Ethel,” I said. “Got distracted thinking about all the stuff I have to have ready before we open tomorrow.”

“You really should have more of a social life, you know. It’s not going to be the end of the world if everything isn’t perfect around here. Especially with the way they’re bleeding us dry on the tax budget.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered. “I know all about your theory of giving the public what they pay for, but the big secret is that’s probably more likely to get us closed down for good than it is to get us the money we want.”

“You’re the one with the big fancy graduate degree,” Ethel said in a tone of voice that clearly communicated she thought her practical experience in such matters was worth more than any amount of book learning I might have.

I grinned. I wouldn’t expect Ethel to be any other way.

“So do you know anything about that redhead who was in here earlier?”

If I could’ve put my hand over my mouth I would’ve. As it was I figured that would give it away that I was surprised I let that out, so I schooled myself to what I hoped was an impassive and disinterested look. Except I was very interested in learning more about that beauty, even if what I learned was she was a pretty cheerleader type who married young to her good old boy farming boyfriend from high school.

That seemed to be the common story for girls that pretty who were still in this town. Yours truly excepted.

“Savannah? Did she introduce herself to you earlier?”

“Not exactly. She was having trouble finding the romance section so I interrupted storytime to point her in the right direction.”

Ethel barked out a short laugh. “You must be mistaken. That girl knows exactly where the romance novels are. She comes in and gets a new dozen or so every couple of weeks for her mother. The poor dear smoked a lot when she was younger and doesn’t get out much now as a result.”

“Really?”

Now that was interesting. If she was in there all the time looking for romance books then why would she ask me where they were? Why would she be standing there staring at me otherwise? I felt a hopeful flutter rising in my stomach that I stomped down on. Getting those kinds of hopes up were counterproductive at best, and potentially heartbreaking at worst. Maybe she’d just gotten turned around, though it was hard to imagine getting turned around in a building this small.

“Savannah.” I chuckled. “You can’t get more country than that name, can you?”

“Her mother was from Georgia. Told me she wanted something to remind her of home,” Ethel said. Then she fixed me with a look that was far too sharp for comfort. “Any particular reason for this sudden interest in Ms. Savannah?”

I blushed and barely managed to turn away in time. Ethel was staring at me over her glasses with a look that said she knew entirely too much, or at the very least she suspected something. Either way, I didn’t want her to suspect anything along those lines. Better to look away!

“No reason. I’d just never seen her before and wondered,” I said.

“You never asked me about anyone else you’ve never seen before,” she said so quietly that I wondered if I was even supposed to hear her. Damn it. I was being too obvious. This was dangerous territory.

“So does she have any siblings or anything? I could swear she looked familiar.”

Good one Kirsten. Deflect while also making it seem like I was interested in her for something completely unrelated to the real reason I was so totally into her at the moment. Getting up in somebody’s family business was a common enough theme in this town, and one that would distract Ethel faster than catnip distracted a house cat.

“Oh no. Nothing like that. She would’ve been starting at the high school around the time you were starting in college though. Her dad had a farm out north of town, but they sold all that off. Heart attack, very tragic and…”

Ethel droned on and I nodded at what I thought were the right moments. She could chatter on for days about the family history of just about anyone born and raised in this county, and some of the families in adjacent counties as well.

“Kirsten? What do you think of that?”

I shook my head and came back to reality again. Ethel was looking up at me expectantly. Shit. She’d just said something that required a response, and I had no idea what it was. Yeah, sitting there and nodding along with her had been a great fucking idea.

“I’m sorry. My mind was somewhere else for a minute there. What were you saying?”

“I was saying that all this talk about these families reminded me that I’m having a small cookout at my place in a month or so. I was hoping you might be able to make it?”

I smiled. “I’d be happy to come out to your cookout. How small are we talking?”

“Oh not a big deal. Just some of the people from the board. The mayor. The chief of police and the sheriff if he can make it. A few people on the school board and some other friends of mine,” she said.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, just a few people. Why do I feel like I’m walking into the lion’s den with this one?”

Ethel smiled, a twinkle in her eyes. “You’re going to have to get used to dealing with all these people someday. Like it or not you’re a public servant working on the public dime. You have to learn how to kiss ass eventually.”

“Right. You’ll have to teach me all about that when we get closer.”

“Might you be bringing a plus one to the cookout?”

The smile froze on my face. Damn it. I should’ve known she had an ulterior motive for this aside from throwing me to the political wolves in town. Not that there was a chance of me bringing a plus one, but of course that would probably just encourage her to try and set me up with one. Better to be noncommittal.

“We’ll see, Ethel. Now go home.”

“I could say the same for you.”

“Yeah, I’ll head home as soon as I finish prepping for the movie we’re showing tomorrow.”

Ethel sniffed, but she got out her purse which meant she was heading out. I went back to our small “movie room” which was actually a conference room with a projector and a table I could pull out of the way when we were showing films.

The entire time I was distracted, though. I couldn’t get that girl, Savannah, out of my mind. She wasn’t back there getting romance novels for herself, and she had stopped and stared at me with that funny look and a half smile on her face.

Was there more there than just asking directions, or was that just wishful thinking on my part? I just didn’t know, but I would like to find out. It was too bad I’d have to wait a couple of weeks for her to come back in for her next requisition of romance novels.

4: Stir Crazy

I stopped by my mom’s room and looked in on her. She was watching one of her soap operas and I deliberately didn’t look at the screen as I poked my head in. The last thing I needed was to get sucked into the drama of whoever Renaldo had knocked up this week with his evil twin’s baby, or whatever it was they were onto this week.

“You ready for some new books yet mom?” I asked.

She looked up and smiled. “Honey, it’s only been a couple of days since you got the last batch. I’m not going to be ready for at least another week, just like always.”

I sighed. I didn’t mean for her to hear that, but she patted the bed next to her.

“C’mere darling,” she said.

I had no choice but to follow now that she’d invited me in. Leaving would be just as rude. So reluctantly I moved in and tried to ignore the television. I was not going to get sucked into her soap operas again. Sure it’s not like I had much else to do aside from taking care of her, thanks dad and all the money we made selling off the land for making us independently wealthy, at least as that sort of thing was measured around these here parts, but I was not going to get sucked into soaps!

“If you’re bored and want to do something you don’t need my permission to do it,” mom said.

“I know, but I feel bad leaving you here on your own.”

“I’m not so feeble that I can’t get up and do things for myself,” she said. “Besides. I’ve got my phone and you have your phone. If I have an emergency I can call someone. I don’t need you moping around the house all the time. Go out, have a good time. Maybe go on a date or something.”

“Yeah, that’ll be the day,” I muttered.

“I wish you would,” mom said. “I hate to see you cooped up here all the time. At least find something you enjoy doing.”

I thought of one thing I’d enjoy doing. My thoughts drifted to the sexy librarian I saw when I was visiting a couple of days ago. I didn’t even know her name, yet I couldn’t get her out of my head. Thoughts of her dominated my thinking.

Thoughts of her were a big part of the reason why I was so eager to head back into town and get more books for mom.

“I’m demanding that you get out of here,” mom said. “Go have some fun in town. Or as much fun as you can have in town. I know it’s not that exciting for someone young like you.”

I smiled and leaned in to give her a kiss on the forehead. “It might not be all that exciting, but this is home. That’s what matters.”

“Right, well right now I want you to go and do whatever you need to do. I’ll be fine here at the house on my own,” she said.

Part of me was screaming that I should stay here with my mom. I knew she wasn’t that bad, but there was also a worry in the back of my mind that any time I left I could potentially come back to find her in very bad shape. It was a terror that had kept me rooted to the house except for those visits in to the library or the occasional visit to the grocery store.

She was right, though. I really needed to get out there and live my life. As much as I could live my life in this town. And the closest I could get to living right now was going into town and getting another look at that new librarian. I felt ridiculous that I was being controlled so firmly by the brain between my legs, but at the same time she was probably the best looking thing I’d seen in this town since I moved back to take care of my mom.

Besides, I could always say I was looking for books for myself or something. Maybe it was ridiculous going into town just to look at someone who I could never have, but that’s exactly what I was about to do.

“Fine,” I said. I leaned down and kissed mom on the forehead. “I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

“Take your time,” she said. “I have my stories to keep me company here.”

“Right. Well I don’t want to get addicted to those again, so I’ll leave you to watch in peace.”

I stepped out of the house and took a deep breath. I loved the smells that were our house. The fields off in the distance. The wind blowing the cornstalks back and forth. The grass rippling in that wind. The familiar smells of our house that my great grandfather built when he first started farming this land a century ago. It was home, and I loved it.

I just wished I could be more honest with my mom about what “having a social life” would really mean, but I wasn’t about to do that. Especially after what happened the last time I started playing fast and loose with who knew about my particular interest in girls. No, in her delicate state I worried that the shock might send her over the edge.

That or, even worse, that she’d react like the last adult who discovered my big secret and try to disown me. I don’t think I could take that with her in her current state. It would be too much for both of us.

No, my life was complicated enough. So I kept my big mouth shut, turned up my favorite country station, and drove into town to stop by and visit the library.

When I got there Ethel was in her usual spot at the front desk. She had a worn romance novel out and was concentrating so hard on the thing that she didn’t notice me for a moment. So I leaned over the edge and took a gander at what she was reading. It had a muscular guy with long flowing hair under a black cowboy hat on the front cover carrying what I assumed was a damsel in distress, though she didn’t look like she was in too much distress hanging out there in cowboy’s muscular arms.

I could see where the guy was hot enough, if you were into that sort of thing. Which I wasn’t, but I was sure it was right up Ethel’s alley. And from the way her eyes darted across the page with her mouth open she seemed to really be enjoying what she was reading. I leaned in to catch the words and blushed when I realized some of the things going on in there.

It was enough to make me think those nutjobs who protested the library for carrying “written porn” a few years back might’ve actually been onto something. Not that it was any of their damn business what other people read anyways. Mom had been furious about those protests.

“Is it really still called reverse cowgirl if she’s a captive mail order bride from out east? Seems like the only cow-anything in that scene is the cowboy she’s on top of, and even then he looks like more of a bandit than anything else if the cover is to be believed,” I said.

Ethel shrieked. She actually shrieked! The book went flying in the air and I only just managed to snatch it before it fell to the ground. Meanwhile papers and pencils on the front desk went flying. Ethel turned to regard me with a stare that wasn’t at all pleasant. She moved a hand to her chest which was rising and falling rapidly, presumably from the scare I’d just given her.

“Savannah!” she said. “You could give a woman my age a heart attack sneaking up on me like that!”

“It’s not like I had to work very hard to sneak up on you, though I can see where you’d be distracted by this. It’s pretty hot!” I said as I flipped through the pages and made a production of glancing at some of those pages.

Not that it was pretty hot as far as I was concerned. Burly man chest? No thank you. Not my cup of tea. Not that my preference for chests that were a little more soft and rounded was any of Ethel’s business.

“Besides. I figure if you’ve made it this long then I’m not going to kill you by startling you or anything,” I said.

“You never know, and I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t try,” she said. “So how can I help you? Did your mom work her way through those books already? That’s a record for her!”

I wasn’t listening to Ethel anymore, though. No, I peered through the library trying to catch a glimpse of the new librarian. I didn’t even know her name and yet I couldn’t get her out of my head. She was the whole reason I was out here in the first place. I just hoped she was actually in here. I glance at the clock and realized it was close to noon.

Damn it. I was going to be really annoyed if I came all the way out here and she was off at lunch or something.

“Looking for someone?” Ethel asked.

I turned back to her and she had a smile on her face that was entirely too knowing for comfort. Like she suspected something.

“Oh I just didn’t get to introduce myself to the new girl the last time I was in here. She was doing stories with the kids. Figured I might do introductions now since you’re not as busy,” I said.

“Really? I don’t see any of your mom’s books on you. Did you come in here just to introduce yourself?”

I blushed. Ethel really did have an annoying habit of getting right to the core of whatever you were trying to do. She had a way of seeing through bullshit and then cutting through it that could be downright annoying.

“Never mind,” I muttered. “It was stupid for me to even come in here.”

“Not at all!” Ethel said. “Here. She’s just about to leave for lunch, but I bet Kirsten’s still back there. Come on.”

Kirsten. The name sounded nice. I rolled it around in my head. Kirsten. A pretty name. The sort of name that I could see attached to such a distractingly beautiful woman.

I followed Ethel. This was it. I was finally going to meet the new girl. And then what? I hadn’t figured out what I was going to do beyond that. Shit. What was I even doing here in the first place? This was all going to end in tears. I just knew it.

But it was too late to stop now, so I let that tingling anticipation take over.

5: Lunch Interrupted

My purse. Where the heck did I leave my purse? I really hoped I didn’t leave it out in the library again. Even worse, I hoped no one came by my office and decided to swipe it. I’d gotten so used to living in a small town again, the sort of place where you didn’t have to lock your doors, that sometimes I had lapses even though my time in the city had taught me that you always locked the doors whether or not you thought you were in a safe place.

I opened my bottom drawer and pulled out a folder with proposed budgets for the next fiscal year. None of them were particularly pretty. The same long hours without a raise for yours truly. But on the bright side my purse was under that folder. I must’ve tossed it in there without thinking earlier.

Okay then. It was time to head back to my apartment, conveniently down the street from the library, and heat up some soup or make a sandwich for lunch. The only thing standing between my grumbling stomach and food was Ethel standing at the door to my office with a huge grin on her face.

“Can I help you Ethel? I was about to head off to lunch.”

“Yes you can help me!” she said. “There’s someone you absolutely have to meet!”

That smile on her face only got bigger and broader. She also had a twinkle in her eye that immediately had me on guard. Ethel knew everyone in town, and the last time she breezed into my office with that twinkle in her eye she’d brought none other than the mayor and a member of the town council along with her. It’s not like either one of those guys were technically my boss, but they were still about as authoritative as authority figures got around these here parts and I’d felt like a minnow tossed in with a couple of public service sharks.

“I really do need to be going Ethel, maybe la…”

I trailed off as I realized exactly who she’d brought with her. Orange hair. Striking green eyes. A body that wouldn’t quit and a pretty face that topped off the whole package and left me breathless. Damn!

I sat back in my chair. It was the only thing I could do. I’d suddenly gone weak in the knees, my legs were all rubbery, and it was all I could do to keep it together. Trying to keep everything together and maintaining my balance? Impossible.

Ethel grinned. A grin that was far too knowing for my taste, but whatever. I was far more interested in this girl. Savannah.

“This is…” Ethel started.

I smiled. “Savannah. A pleasure to meet you.”

She blushed. Well that was interesting. I’d assumed she wasn’t into the ladies, a pretty reliable assumption considering the statistical likelihood that she wasn’t, but that blush had me thinking otherwise. Hoping otherwise, is more like it.

“And this is Kirsten,” Ethel finished, looking just a little irritated that I’d interrupted her big reveal of Savannah. What did she expect? She already told me the girl’s name, after all.

“Nice to met you Kirsten,” she said, her face turning almost the same shade as her hair, though more pink than orange.

Savannah took a step forward and held her hand out. I managed to get enough control of myself that I was able to reach out and take her hand, and boy what a handshake that was! I felt an electric shock running through me at her touch. It was warm, firm, and oh so sexy.

Wait. Did I seriously just call a handshake sexy? I really was too far gone when it came to this girl. This was dangerous. Too dangerous by far.

“Very nice to meet you too,” I said. “I hear your mom is one of the biggest supporters of our romance section. Do you like those books too?”

Savannah looked away for a moment, and when she turned back she’d managed to get it under control. Somewhat. The blush was gone, at least, though the smile was still there. God that smile. I wanted to kiss at the corners of her lips.

“So are you from around here?” Savannah asked.

“Oh yeah. Grew up here in town. My parents live over on Walnut, but I’ve got an apartment over the hardware store down on Main that they let me stay in for dirt cheap. How about you?”

“Yup. Graduated five years ago now. Weird that my reunion’s coming up and all that,” she said.

I laughed. “Yeah? Wait until you’re getting ready for your ten year reunion. Though it’s not really much of a reunion if pretty much everyone stuck around.”

“Yeah, pretty much a thing for everyone that moved off to the city. I was out there for college for four years, but then I came back to take care of my mom.”

So Ethel was right. This girl was just young enough that we would’ve missed each other when we were in high school. Which was a damn shame, but at the same time it’s not like anything would’ve happened back then. I was still firmly in hiding back then, and I was still convinced that any feeling I got from this girl was so much wishful thinking.

I couldn’t help but think that the age thing wasn’t a big deal now, though. We were both adults, after all. Again, not that it mattered since she was probably very straight.

The conversation trailed off just a bit after that. I wasn’t sure what to say. She suddenly looked a little awkward standing there and looking up at me and then down at the floor. That blush had come back as well.

It was an electric moment that felt for all the world like the times I’d run into a particularly hot girl who was into me but neither one of us wanted to make the first move. Wishful thinking, or something more?

“Savannah, dear, have you had lunch yet?” Ethel asked.

Savannah jumped and glanced nervously at Ethel. “Well no, why?”

Ethel looked at me and grinned. “I was just thinking that Kirsten here hasn’t had lunch yet. You haven’t had lunch. The two of you seem to be getting on so well here. Why not go out and have lunch together?”

Everything she said seemed so sweet and innocent. She was playing up the innocent old lady angle far more than usual. I knew that I needed to be on guard whenever she pulled that. Whenever she looked sweet and innocent she was usually plotting something that was anything but. Not for the first time I wondered if she knew way more than she was letting on. The only people around here who knew about my orientation were my parents, but Ethel could be scary perceptive. Almost annoyingly so.

Still, Ethel was on my side, and the idea of sharing lunch with this beauty did intrigue me.

I looked at Savannah and cocked an eyebrow. The blush was back on her cheeks with a vengeance, but she returned the smile all the same.

“I’m up for that if you are,” I said. “Want to go on a lunch date?

I could’ve kicked myself for my choice of words. A lunch date? Idiot! Though both of them would probably think I meant the platonic sort of lunch date. No matter how much I would’ve liked going on the other sort of date, let me tell you!

“Sorry, I mean it’s not a date, obviously. Just a figure of speech, you know.”

Idiot! If they didn’t think there was anything weird about it before they definitely would now what with me stumbling all over my tongue trying to explain myself! Why did I have to be such a goof?

Only Savannah reached out and took my hand again. That electric energy was back. She smiled, and there was no hint of the blush now. Just her beautiful face. Those eyes locking with my own and hypnotizing me.

“Don’t worry. A lunch date sounds just fine to me,” she said.

We stood there holding one another’s hands with our gazes locked together for a moment that felt like it was stretching into eternity. God I could get lost in her eyes forever and a day. I was so distracted that for that moment it felt like we were the only two people in the room.

That moment lasted right up until Ethel cleared her throat reminding us that she was standing right there next to us. Both of us jumped, and both of us pulled our hands away as though we really had been shocked. Both of us turned to Ethel and both of us blushed at the same moment. It was like there was a mirror between the two of us.

“Right then,” Ethel said. “I’ll just have my usual soup at the front desk. Take your time.”

“Wait, I’m the boss. Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to make the schedule anyways?”

“Well yes, but still. Don’t feel like you need to hurry back on my account. I’ll be able to hold down the fort while you two have your fun.”

And with that she turned and disappeared out of my office leaving me alone with Savannah. Savannah who was so warm. I was painfully aware of how close she was to me. I was painfully aware of how tempting it was to slam the door shut to my office and press my lips against hers.

I didn’t do that, of course. I was just really tempted. There was a good chance that would end with a scream and a slap and maybe me being out of my job. I liked being able to make a living even if I wasn’t thrilled at where I had to live to make that living.

I smiled at Savannah. She looked at me and blushed again. She seemed to be doing that a lot. It had me hoping all sorts of things that I probably shouldn't be hoping.

"So are you ready to go?" I asked.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Savannah replied.

And so I walked out with her at my side. My mind reeled at this sudden change of fortune. Just ten minutes ago I figured I’d be going over to my apartment to have heated up chili from a crockpot I'd made up at the beginning of the week, and now here I was going out to lunch with this beauty. Sure it was probably just lunch, just as friends, but still.

Funny the places life could take you in the blink of an eye.

6: Avoidance

"So what did you have in mind for lunch?" I asked.

Kirsten paused for a moment. She tapped a finger against her lips, and then smiled. "I'm not entirely certain. I heard that the Trout Shack down on Main has a Michelin five star rating, but I'm not sure if they'll be able to seat us on such short notice. Plus neither one of us are really dressed for the occasion. I don't think they accept business casual."

It took me a moment to realize what she was getting at, and then I smiled. I laughed. That was just stupid enough to be clever.

"I don't know about that. We could go down to the taco place one block over," I replied. "Though I have seen articles in the newspaper that they have lots of health code violations."

I frowned. That wasn’t really funny at all. That was more disgusting than anything else. I really wasn't good at this whole flirtatious humor thing.

Wait. Flirtatious humor? Was I trying to be flirtatious? Granted Kirsten was a looker. She got me hot and bothered, but she also probably didn't swing my way, and it's not like I was going to say anything to determine which way she did swing, one way or the other.

What the hell was I thinking?

"Yeah," Kirsten said. "That's really more gross than anything else."

We walked on in silence and I kicked myself. We had a good thing going there. We were kind of going back and forth. And then I had to ruin it by mentioning food poisoning at the local Mexican food joint. It's not like the food there was that great to begin with. It was run by a guy named Steve whose career choices had been open a taco stand or go into the family business with his dad cooking meth.

Your typical small-town success story. The guy probably would’ve been better at cooking meth than tacos anyways.

"We could always just go to the diner?" Kirsten asked.

"Yeah, the diner sounds fine," I said.

Kirsten fell into step beside me and I was driven to distraction by her being so close. I’m talking really close. It seemed like she was almost going to bump into me. I almost moved away, but it felt so nice. So I didn’t. She was so close that I’d just have to move my hand maybe an inch and it would be brushing against hers. I shivered at the thought, but didn’t do anything.

Pure torture.

A few minutes later we sat down at a booth near the back of the Eggs and Coffee diner. The name advertised breakfast but they were open for lunch as well. Not dinner, though. The waitress came over and eyed the two of us and I was certain she thought we were on a date. I don't know why that thought terrified me so much. It's not like it should be a big deal, and yet it was around here so I constantly thought of it as a big deal. My skin crawled as she looked at us and then smiled.

"So how can I help you to do today?" she asked.

“I’ll have the quick breakfast special,” Kirsten said.

“Same here,” I said quickly. I wanted this waitress away from us. I knew it was my paranoia doing the talking, but I couldn’t help myself.

I instinctively glanced around the diner. There were a couple of people in this town that I definitely didn't want to run into. Especially if I didn't want any rumors about me and the pretty new librarian to start spreading like wildfire. No, that was the last thing I wanted to do to her.

Even if this was just a nice and friendly lunch. With a special emphasis on the "friendly" part of that. At least that's what I was still telling myself despite the flirtation. Despite how she got so very close to me as we walked to the diner.

Damn it. Why did I keep thinking like this? I needed to get these thoughts out of my head. I needed to stop thinking of her as a dating prospect. The last time I did something stupid like that it had blown up spectacularly. That was part of the reason why I found myself looking around the room to make sure there wasn't anybody dangerous in here.

"I'd love to know what's got you so freaked out that you're looking around like that," Kirsten said.

I turned back to her and the panic must have been obvious on my face. She looked genuinely worried. I felt bad that she’d be worried on my behalf. That my freaking out would make her feel awkward. God I hoped I wasn’t making her feel awkward. This whole thing was awkward enough. God she was so beautiful. She smiled and I melted.

No! I shouldn't be melting! Dammit!

"So what's on your mind?" she asked.

"Nothing really," I lied.

It was funny how easy that lie came to my lips. Then again, I did a lot of lying while I was home. So much that it had almost become second nature. A second nature that I very much wanted to shed for Kirsten.

"Well whatever it is, it looks like it's got you pretty worried!"

I blushed and looked away from her. I hated how often I was blushing. Not that it took that much for a blush to come to my cheeks. Not with as light as my skin was. It was very annoying precisely because it always let someone know exactly when I was embarrassed. Or turned on, for that matter. I’d had one girlfriend in college who’d made very interesting use of that feature.

Now it was more embarrassment than anything else causing the blush, though. Okay, so maybe there was a little bit of turn on as well.

"We don't have to talk about it," Kirsten said. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"No, I am okay," I said.

She had no idea just how okay I was. How over-the-top okay I felt being with her like this. I wanted to lean forward and kiss her, except that would probably draw every eye in the diner. So I didn't.

Not to mention that I didn't know how she would react. I got a vibe from her, but my vibe detector was a little rusty since I’d been back home. Take that and add in a dash of worry about a blowup getting back to my mom and I was paralyzed with an irrational fear that I hated even as I was a slave to it.

"So I know what brought you back here, Ethel told me all about your mom, but what made you leave for the big city in the first place?" Kirsten asked.

I stared at her for a moment. I felt panicked again. It was an innocent enough question, but she was leaning forward as though she was expecting a certain kind of answer. Hope flared inside me as I knew what kind of answer I wanted to give her.

"Well I had to go off to college. At least that's what everyone always tells you. Go off to college, get a degree, get a good job," I said. "Fat lot of good that ended up doing me."

Sure I went off to college because that’s what you were supposed to do, but that wasn’t the only reason. I also wanted freedom to explore who I really was away from the dangers that lurked in this seemingly idyllic slice of small town America. If I knew now what I did then I might not have ever gone, though. Being free at college made it a hell of a lot more difficult to come back to the town I’d grown up in and loved where I couldn’t be myself.

Kirsten sighed. "Yeah, I totally get where you're coming from on that score."

"What are you talking about? You have a good job and a grad degree! You're living the dream!"

Kirsten barked out a laugh. "Yeah, I wish I was living the dream. The dream was to work in a university library. A nice college town where people were a little more open-minded…"

"Open-minded about what?"

Now it was Kirsten's turn to look worried. To look positively terrified of answering that question. And in that terror I saw so much of the terror that I felt when someone started asking questions that were a little too probing for comfort.

"You know. Just about anywhere is open-minded compared to this place," she said. “Just in general. No specific reason.”

I shook my head. This was heavy stuff for a first date. Why the hell did I keep thinking of this as a first date? I could see where she was coming from. There was definitely a certain point of view living in a small town like this. A point of view that didn't leave much room for people like me.

"So what brought you back here if you aren’t exactly a fan of the place?" I asked.

Kirsten smiled. A sad smile. "Let's just say that the job market for librarians isn't the greatest. Hasn’t been the greatest for awhile, no matter what they told me when I went off to get my graduate degree. Never trust anybody who's trying to get you to give them thousands of dollars. They promise you the world and break your heart."

"Yeah, I know where you're coming from on that. Just talk to the people who have my student loans!"

Kirsten giggled. "Would you believe that both of my alma maters actually call me and asked if I wanted to donate money to them?"

I giggled right along with her. "Oh my God yes! I finally had to tell them to stop calling."

"I told them I would be more than happy to give them money after I'd paid off all the money I gave them the first time around. They asked when that would be, and I said in about thirty years if they're lucky."

"That's a good line," I said. "I'll have to try that one out! Somehow they keep calling me even after I tell them not to."

“Yup, and with what they’re paying me around here thirty years might be a tad optimistic.”

"So you're trapped here because of your job," I said.

It made sense. She didn't seem like the kind of girl who’d be happy staying around here for long.

"Yeah, and you're trapped here because of your mom."

"Actually, it's not like that," I said.

Kirsten raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I wouldn't go so far as to say I’m trapped. I actually do like it here."

Kirsten blinked. Something told me that wasn't the response she was expecting. There had to be a certain number of people who enjoyed the small-town life, though. Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone to live here in the first place. Everyone would move off to the city and that would be that.

"Oh. I guess I didn't have you pegged as the kind who would like it here."

"Well there’s good and bad," I said.

Thinking of the bad had me looking around the room again. Looking for a couple of people in particular who made life very bad for me back when I was still in high school. Who were a big part of the reason why I couldn't get far enough away fast enough when I went off to college, though admittedly I'd only gone a couple of hours away for school. And then I’d come back.

"There you are with that looking around thing again," she said. "Seriously. What's going on here?"

"Let's just say there are some people who made me pretty miserable when I was younger, and I'd rather not run into them."

Particularly while I was out with another girl. If I’m being totally honest with myself, I think the danger of running into Pastor Dan was a big part of the reason why I spent so much time at home in the country where it was just me and mom all to ourselves.

"Really? They made things that bad for you?"

I sighed. It wasn't something I really wanted to go into. Even all these years later I still sort of blamed myself. After all, I was the one who'd carried a torch for a girl to the point that I went to youth group at one of the most conservative churches in the county. That was saying something in a place where “crazy conservative” was pretty much a part of the stationery for most all of the churches.

I thought back to the smile on Pastor Dan’s face turning to a purplish rage when he caught me looking a little too long at a now former friend and figured everything out. He was a youth pastor then. Since promoted to full pastor much to my annoyance. He’d been far more perceptive than I would've liked. He realized what I was even before I fully realized it, and he'd made my life a living hell as a result.

"Let's just say there are some people around here I'd rather not run into all that often."

Kirsten smiled. Her smile was radiant. Beautiful. "All the more reason for you to move away when you get a chance!"

“So are these people perhaps one of the numerous species of men of the cloth that populate our small town all out of proportion?” Kirsten asked.

My eyes darted up and met hers. Again I had that strange feeling that she knew something. That she was fishing for something. I wasn’t going to bite.

“Something like that,” I muttered.

"I can understand having trouble with the religious types," Kirsten said. "My mom was never one for the organized religion. Kind of weird for around here."

"You're lucky," I said.

Though to be fair my mom had always been pretty unobtrusive about that as well. We went to church for the big holidays, but even that had fallen off by the time I was older. No, I’d walked into the den of the beast without quite realizing what I was doing.

"Yeah, well the way some of my friends reacted when I left for college you’d think I was going off to study English and then Library Science at Sodom and Gomorrah University."

I laughed. That was such a ridiculous image. And yet it pretty much summed up the vibe I'd gotten from people around here.

"Well at least you know they know how to have fun at the University of Sodom and Gomorrah."

Kirsten grinned, a twinkle in her eye. "I actually hear the better parties are at Sodom and Gomorrah Community College. They're not as focused on academics there, you know. More of a safety school."

That one had me drumming the table and laughing. I wiped a tear from my eye. The joke wasn't really that funny, but there was something about Kirsten that made me want to smile. Made me want to laugh.

Then our food came and we concentrated on eating. Punctuated by brief conversation here and there, but it wasn't as involved as before. We finally finished and the waitress came by with our check.

"Can we split this?" I asked.

Kirsten looked at me and grinned. "Really? You're not going to let me treat you?"

"What can I say? I'm a cheap date."

"So this is a date, is it?" Kirsten asked, a dangerous twinkle in her eye.

I was actually feeling pretty good about this whole encounter. Good enough that I didn’t have the usual panic attack at her insinuation. At least I felt pretty good until the bell above the entrance to the diner chimed. I looked up. The smile froze on my face.

Of all the people to walk through the door at this moment, why did it have to be him? Pastor Dan. At least that's what he liked everybody to call him back when I went to the youth group at his church. I couldn't imagine that things had changed just because he'd been promoted to heading up the church.

He had a smile plastered on his face. Why not? He was a man of God, after all. He was surveying the members of his flock, even though most of the people in this diner probably didn't have anything to do with him or his church. He was a man who was fully in control of his destiny, even if that destiny included making poor confused teenage girls miserable.

The asshole. I hated him. I was surprised at the strength of that emotion, but there we were.

He continued surveying the room and then stopped on me. His eyes ran over me for a moment and then came back. He looked at me and Kirsten and that smile faded to a frown.

Not good. Very not good. Damn it.

7: Walk in the Park

"We should probably get out of here," Savannah said.

I blinked and looked around, though I didn't see any reason why we should need to get out of here all of a sudden. I still had plenty of time left on my lunch break, after all, and everything had been going so damn well. It seemed a shame to ruin the day this early.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," she said.

I looked at the bill and tossed down some cash. The diner didn’t take credit cards. I usually wouldn't leave a tip that big, but Savannah seemed to be in a hurry so I figured it wouldn't be good to wait around for exact change.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong?" I asked as we made our way out.

"Savannah," a deep voice said.

I turned and blinked. I recognized pastor Dan from the Baptist Church out on the edge of town. The man who organized the protest of the equating the library’s romance novels with porn a few years back. That caused quite a stir well before I was the head librarian. I'd wondered how long it would be before I tangled with him. I figured it was only a matter of time.

I just never imagined that I would be tangling with him over Savannah, but from the way she looked away from him, from the way he glared at her, it seemed pretty obvious he was one of those people who had given her a hard time. One of the people she'd been referring to earlier.

My eyes narrowed. At the same time I felt guilty because I felt a thrill of excitement running through me. There were only a few things that could upset pastor Dan. The first was the library protest and his crazy idea that we were somehow trying to corrupt the youth of the community by stocking romance novels that kids couldn’t even check out. Even back when I hadn't lived here I'd followed everything going on at the library pretty closely, never imagining that I would actually be running the place someday.

The other thing that got his knickers in a twist, though, was far more near and dear to my heart. Pastor Dan wasn't a fan of the gays. Not at all. Almost rabidly so. I known that even when I was younger. I'd known to avoid him. Not that I had much occasion to be around him in the first place aside from the times the schools would let youth pastors come in during our lunch breaks which I was pretty sure broke some laws but I’d never poked that bear.

And suddenly everything clicked. I felt pissed off. I wondered what the hell this man had done to Savannah even as a guilty part of me was excited because that might mean I actually had a chance with her.

Talk about your all time fucked up emotions.

"And what are you doing with this young lady, Savannah? Not up to your old tricks, I hope."

He smiled, but that smile never reached his eyes. It was the sort of smile I imagined on a shark right before it chomped down on a delicious fish. Oh yeah, he smelled blood in the water and that had me seeing red.

Savannah shrank away. She seemed to be falling in on herself. The beautiful woman who was so confident, even if she did blush and look away whenever she looked at me, was disappearing right in front of me. It was like watching a beautiful flower wilting, and I hated it.

"Hey, I've got an idea," I said.

Pastor Dan and Savannah both turned to look at me. Savannah looked mortified, and pastor Dan looked surprised.

"Can I help you young lady? I certainly hope you're not getting too personal with Savannah here."

"What I do with whoever I want is none of your damned business. Haven't you heard? You assholes are losing the culture wars. Why don't you do us all a favor and go back to your church where you can actually intimidate someone with your bullshit?”

He blinked. His face turned red and then purple, but then he glanced around the diner. At all the nice people sitting down and having a nice lunch.

Immediately the smile was back on his face. A smile on a snake. I remembered a couple of passages in the Bible talking about how the devil would be able to put on a pretty face when he wanted to, and never had I seen an example of that more than pastor Dan right in front of me.

But he wasn't going to make a scene. Not here. Not and give up the friendly nice guy routine he'd built up.

"Perhaps now isn’t the time to get into this," he said.

"Yeah, perhaps never is the time to get into it. Go and abuse people on your own time, asshole."

That purple hue came back to his face for a moment, and I felt like a first-rate bitch, but at the same time I figured it was the least he deserved. I know what he'd done to kids before, whether or not they were actually gay. Not that they deserved trouble from him either way. He was a holy roller that steamrolled anyone who got in his path.

I took Savannah by the arm and led her out of the diner. As we walked she seemed to gain some confidence back. I hoped she took some of that confidence from me. I smiled as I thought of that. It wasn't very often that I got to confront a hater face-to-face like that, though I imagine I'd just gone a hell of a long way towards revealing my big secret. The one that I didn't want spreading around town.

Oops.

But it was worth it to see the way Savannah tucked a piece of hair away from her eyes and smiled hesitantly at me. God that was a beautiful smile.

"You didn't have to do that," she said.

I shook my head. "Yeah, I kind of did have to do that. Assholes like him are going to go right on being assholes unless somebody calls them on it."

"Confronting him like that is only going to make him want to come after you."

"He can bring it on," I said with a confidence that I didn't quite feel. But I was putting on a show for Savannah. Making sure she was okay. I figured I should be strong for her after what I just did.

"So where to now?" Savannah asked. "Back to the library?"

I looked down at my watch and then back up to Savannah. Smiled.

"I've actually got plenty of time before I'm supposed to be back to work. What would you say to going for a walk in Taft Park? It's only a block away."

Savannah smiled. "That sounds nice."

I figured it wouldn't be the end of the world if I was away from the library for a little longer. Besides, considering how much unpaid overtime I worked for the place it seemed only fair that I should take a little of that back. After all, what was the point of being the boss lady if you didn't get to abuse your power a little bit from time to time?

We walked along. It really was a beautiful day. Not too hot, not too cold. Blue sky up above and white fluffy clouds floating by. Everything was perfect.

I looked over to Savannah and amended that statement. Everything was almost perfect. She still looked a little reserved. A little hesitant after that run in with the infamous pastor Dan.

"So would it help you to talk about what just happened there?" I asked.

She shook her head and I thought for a moment that she might not go into it. After all, it really was none of my damn business. But then she turned to me and there was moisture in her eyes, though she didn't go quite so far as to cry.

My heart went out to her in that moment. I recognized so much of how I'd been before I went off to school. Hesitant, reluctant. Terrified that someone might discover my secret. And I had a pretty good idea that Savannah was hiding the same sort of secret that I'd been hiding back then.

That I was still hiding today, really.

Sure going off on my own had put some backbone in me, but I also understood that everyone reacted differently. I could understand where being confronted with a very nasty specter from your past would be enough to send you back to that past when you weren't as strong as you might be in the here and now. More than anything I could understand not wanting to rock the boat around these here parts, because wasn’t that exactly what I was doing?

I smiled. Maybe I should have her confront the library board on my behalf since I’d confronted pastor Dan on hers.

"Pastor Dan is an asshole," she said.

I barked out a laugh. "You're not telling me anything I don't already know. Is there a reason in particular why he's such an asshole to you?"

I was probing, and I figured she would figure that out, but she went right on.

"Let's just say that we ran into some trouble with each other a few years ago."

"I really have a hard time imagining you causing any sort of trouble that would get you in trouble. What was he upset about?"

We reached the park and moved over to a gazebo in the center. Birds chirped all around us and it really was an idyllic setting. It was the kind of thing that almost made me think small-town life was worth it. If only I hadn't just run into a shining example of why small-town life drove me nuts.

Then again, there were assholes everywhere.

"I was in sort of a relationship with someone in his youth group, and he really didn't approve of it when he found out," she said.

My eyes narrowed. This was getting more and more suspicious. I decided to get devious, though I wasn’t sure if it would actually work.

"That's tough. What was her name?"

"Megan," Savannah said.

And then her hand went to her mouth. She looked horrified. Her eyes went wide and she had the mother of all blushes spreading across her face. A blush that made every other blush that had crossed her face up until now look like nothing in comparison.

Then she turned to me and some of that embarrassment turned to anger. She reached out and smacked my shoulder.

"You tricked me!"

I grinned. "So what if I did? Would you be mad if it led to something good?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

I reached out and took her hand. She looked down, but she wasn't exactly surprised. Well then. Maybe I'd been giving off a vibe just as much as she had. Either way, holding her hand felt nice, and she didn't immediately rip hers away.

I figured that was one hell of a good sign.

"What if revealing your little secret led to something better than good? Something awesome?" I asked.

"What did you have in mind?" she asked.

I paused. Turned to look at our surroundings. More than anything I wanted to make sure there wasn't anybody in the area who might witness what I was about to do. Because I was about to be impulsive. Dangerously so. To the point that it would give up my secret if anyone was watching, but at the same time I sort of didn't care.

This was a time to seize the moment if there ever was one.

Besides, the coast appeared to be clear enough. And so I leaned in and kissed her. It was a brief kiss. Our lips brushing together for the barest of moments. Long enough for a surprised blink from Savannah and then I pulled away.

It might look like the coast was clear, but I didn't want to tempt fate, after all.

Savannah blinked. I waited to see how she was going to process that. I'd learned long ago to seize the moment when it came, but sometimes the moment could turn right around and slap you across the face because it wasn't interested. Which would be cool, and very understandable, even if it would also be thoroughly devastating.

"I think I like that," Savannah said.

I smiled. "Me too. I've been wanting to do that ever since the first time I laid eyes on you."

She looked down, and there was another one of those blushes that was so sexy on her. She looked up and the smile on her face made her look radiant. Her hair was like a halo of fire around her face.

"I was thinking the same thing. That was the whole reason I stared at you like an idiot when I saw you doing that story time."

“So what would you say to going on a date sometime?” I asked.

Savannah’s smile turned into a huge grin that set my heart aflutter and sent a tingle running up and down my body.

“I think I’d like that.”

Jackpot!

8: Preparations

I put the finishing touches on my makeup and tried to quiet the butterflies racing through my stomach. That had been running through my stomach ever since I woke up this morning and tried to go about my daily routine.

It was really difficult to go through a daily routine when all I could think about was the hot date I had for tonight. The hot first date I had tonight. Though I suppose it wouldn't be entirely fair to call it a first date. We had been going out to lunch almost every day over the past week and a half, after all.

Still, I figured it was close enough to a first date. It was the first time we’d be going out in the evening. The first time we wouldn't be surrounded by other people.

Those butterflies started again. I felt weak in the knees. It was incredible how just thinking of a kiss, a stolen moment away from prying eyes, could do that to me. I reflected on how ridiculous it was that I’d find something so close to home after I'd resigned myself to never finding it at all.

Talk about crazy.

"Well don’t you looked good," mom said.

I turned to her and smiled. And the butterflies mixed with just a little bit of guilt. I told her I was going on a date, it was impossible to hide that with the way I was obviously getting ready, but I was playing the pronoun game. I hadn't actually mentioned it was a girl I was going out with.

I had no plans to mention that, either.

"Thanks mom," I said. "But you're supposed to say that."

"No really. Whoever this mysterious person is, you're going to knock them dead!"

I paused as I looked at myself in the mirror. I wasn't the only one playing the pronoun game. I glanced over at my mom who still beamed at me. And I wondered if maybe she knew something. She could be perceptive at times. Dangerously so, as I'd learned much to my chagrin back in the day when I tried to get away with something and never quite succeeded.

"So where are you planning on going tonight?" she asked.

"Nowhere in particular. I was thinking of a picnic, actually."

"Really? Using that old chestnut again? How did you ever manage a first date when you were off in the city and you didn't have the field to have a picnic in?"

I blushed. She knew me too well. That had been one of my favorite things for a first date, though the guys at the time thought it was odd that I was the one planning the date. I was usually the one who did the asking too. After the incident with pastor Dan I'd been desperate to try and cover things up.

I felt sorry for those guys. None of those relationships had lasted very long.

"Are you going to be okay here on your own tonight?" I asked.

Mom waved a hand. "I'll be fine. It's actually been nice not having you around the house quite as much. Lets me actually get things done. Have some time to myself. And that's something I think both of us needed."

I still felt guilty about leaving her here on her own, but I also had to admit there was some truth to what she said.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right."

I turned to her and smiled. And to my surprise she enveloped me in a huge hug.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"I just want you to know that I want you to be happy. If you're happy then I'm happy, no matter what."

I felt lightheaded. I felt a tingling in my scalp that was similar to the feeling I got when I saw Kirsten. Similar, but not quite the same. Once more I had the feeling that mom knew something. That she wanted me to tell her something. To let her in on the secret I was keeping.

But I was too much of a coward to say anything. What if I was reading the situation wrong? What if she heard my secret and it drove her to the emergency room or something? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened, and so I kept my mouth shut.

Mom pulled away from the hug and looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. A twinkle that usually meant she knew something, but she wasn't saying anything. I turned back to the mirror.

"You should probably get back to whatever it was you were doing," I said.

Mom sighed. "Right. I know, you need to get ready."

"Thanks mom," I said, though I wasn't sure what I was thanking her for.

I finished up and moved down to the kitchen where I’d dug out an old picnic basket that had been around the house for as long as I remembered. I wasn't even sure who originally bought the thing.

I was surprised to see that there were already sandwiches and a nice meal in the thing. I smiled. Apparently mom had been busy in here before she came up to bother me. I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of being loved. I felt that she would love me no matter what, and once more I turned towards the living room where she sat watching TV and almost I said something.

But again I chickened out. Again I decided not to say anything. Besides, I was already running late. I'd asked Kirsten to meet me at the end of our driveway. I knew exactly where I was going to take her, and I figured there wasn't much worry of anyone fighting us out there.

Even mom wouldn’t see anything if I took the service road back out into the fields. No, all she would see, assuming she was looking, was a car in the distance. And there wasn't a chance she was going to be able to make the walk out there in her current condition.

I grabbed the picnic basket and stepped out into the cool evening air. Already the heat of the day was starting to dissipate. It was getting on in the summer and the days were getting shorter. It would only be another couple of weeks before we started having more cold weather.

I was lost in thought as I made my way down the gravel drive towards the front entrance. It was a bit of a walk, but I didn't mind. Especially in this weather. Especially with the field surrounding me and the sun setting off in the distance and the sounds of home all around me.

Sounds of a home that I really couldn't see myself leaving. Kirsten had been hard on this place, and I could understand her being hard on this place. It was a hard road for both of us, considering, but at the same time I couldn't ever see myself leaving.

There was one thing, at least, that I could be relieved about. Kirsten was just as big on secrecy and keeping things quiet as I was. At least that was the impression I got. She might've gotten in pastor Dan's face in the diner, but beyond that she'd been remarkably low-key about everything. When we met it was entirely friendly and until we were in private.

No, it seemed like she was just as interested in maintaining her secret as I was in maintaining mine.

I felt a little guilty about that. I wondered if there was anything that wouldn't make me feel guilty these days, but at the same time secrecy was the only logical choice. At least it seemed like the only logical choice to me. It would be too much potential pain and heartache if the truth about the two of us got out. It was a relief that Kirsten felt the same way.

Though we were going to be in private in one hell of a way tonight. We were going to have an entire night to ourselves, rather than a few stolen moments in her office in the library or in the park when we were pretty sure there was nobody watching.

I shivered in anticipation, despite the mostly warm air. Yeah, we might be keeping things quiet, but at the same time things were going very well. I just tried not to think about where things might eventually lead if one of us decided we wanted more than what the other was willing to give.

I reached the end of the drive and looked off into the distance. After a few moments I saw a beat up old car coming down the road. I smiled. Of course she wouldn't be able to afford something great. Not on what they paid her. She pulled up and rolled down her window.

"Are you lost stranger?" I asked.

"That depends. I was looking for a pretty young thing. Cute redhead holding a picnic basket?"

I grinned. "Well then. It seems you've come to just the right place," I said.

"So where are we going anyways?" Kirsten asked.

"We're going to drive down a service road to one of the back fields," I said. "We don't technically own it anymore, but it's not like they're going to give us any trouble for going back there. There's a little stand of trees with a hill in the middle that’s a nice place to have a picnic."

Kirsten's eyes narrowed. "You're taking me out into the middle of a field surrounded by a stand of trees? Why it sounds like you almost want some privacy," she said. "You naughty girl."

I shivered. God, she knew exactly what I was going for, and I didn't care. It had been too long. Yet another drawback of being trapped in a place where the only time I could have a little bit of fun was at night when I was using my laptop in the privacy of my bedroom with headphones on, or on the occasional trip back to the city which was never very easy to pull off considering it was a couple hours of driving.

I smiled down at her. "I guess you're going to have to trust me and find out."

"I think I'll enjoy finding out," she said with a wink. "Now hop in. I have no idea where this service road is. Is it gravel like your driveway?"

"Mostly gravel. Though it gets kind of muddy in places. I think you should be fine."

Kirsten rolled her eyes, but the smile stayed there. "Great. I'll be sure to send the bill for the car wash over to you later."

"I think that's a bill I'll gladly pay," I said as I climbed in.

I reached out and ran a hand along her leg, and she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She let it out in a low long sigh that went right along with a shiver. Yeah, it looked like she was looking forward to this evening together just as much as I was. I couldn't fucking wait!

"So do you come out here often? Kirsten asked as she pulled up to the stand of trees.

"I used to come here all the time for dates," I said, and I immediately regretted it.

I'd had those old dates on the mind after talking with my mom, but the last thing I should be doing with Kirsten was talking about my old love life. Particularly when that old love life was with a bunch of guys.

"Oh really? So did those guys know you were using them to cover up who you really were?"

I barked out a laugh. "Are you a mind reader or something?"

"Not a mind reader. I just might have done the same thing myself way back when."

I shook my head. "You're crazy, you know that?"

Kirsten leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. It was a little awkward with the picnic basket in my lap, but I managed to lean into that kiss. God she felt so good. I loved it when she pressed against me. I wanted to feel her whole body pressing against me, but one thing at a time.

For the moment I enjoyed a kiss that was far more intense than anything we'd shared so far. Always before we'd held back. Held something in reserve. When we were out walking through the city parks there was always the chance someone could come up on us. So we had to be fast. When we were in the library there was always the worry that Ethel might see us. And so even though we got a little more intense and handsy when we were in her office, we never went too far.

All of that worry could be thrown out now, though. I basked in the taste that was Kirsten. She was wonderful. She was such a good kisser, particularly now that she wasn't holding anything back. I felt weak in the knees again, and it was a damn good thing I was reclining in a seat in her car. I almost wanted to hop into the back seat, but before I could make that suggestion she pulled away. Smiled.

"Damn you're a good kisser," she said.

"You're not so bad yourself," I replied.

"So how about dinner? I've never been a fan of exercising on an empty stomach."

It took me a moment to realize exactly what she meant by exercising on an empty stomach. When it finally hit I blushed. "Yeah, that might be a good idea."

And so we traipsed through the small stand of trees and reached the hill on the other side.

"This is beautiful," Kirsten said.

I stopped and stared at our surroundings. It really was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as her under the light of the moon which had come up while we were making the drive back. And while we were distracted kissing one another, I might add.

"It certainly is," I said, reaching out and taking her hand.

I led her up to the top of the hill where no trees grew for some reason I’d never figured out. Whatever the reason, it was a perfect spot for a little bit of out-of-the-way fun. Sometimes I wondered if that was the reason why the hill had been cleared once upon a time.

I could just imagine generations of my family coming out here for a little bit of privacy. Some of them would probably be rolling in their graves if they knew the kind of fun I was planning on having out here now. Whatever. They were all dead, and I was very much alive. And I hadn't felt this alive in quite some time.

I pulled a blanket out of the picnic basket and set it down on the ground. I laid down and pulled out some sandwiches and then turned to look up at the stars overhead. There really was nothing quite so beautiful as looking at the stars up in the sky when there was absolutely no light to drown them out.

"This is something I really missed when I was in school," Kirsten said.

"You and me both," I said.

"So do you ever miss it?" Kirsten asked.

"Miss what?"

"You know. Being in a place a little busier than this."

I sighed. Now that was a loaded question.

"I suppose there are parts of it that I miss, but there are things that I like here and things I don't like as well. I think pretty much wherever you go you're going to find things you like and things you hate. You just have to learn to roll with the bad and enjoy the good."

"Well I'm certainly glad I found something as good as you out here." Kirsten said. She reached out and took my hand and I closed my eyes.

“Me too.”

"This is really nice," Kirsten said. "I'm so happy we found each other."

"Me too," I said.

I was like a broken record, but I couldn’t think what else to say. I finished the last bit of my sandwich and concentrated on staring up at the stars, but then Kirsten was hovering over me, her hair hanging down over my face and tickling me just a little. She pressed against me, and then her lips were against mine.

Oh. Well then. Staring up at the sky was nice, but not nearly as nice as feeling her pressed against me finally and not holding back at all like she had when we decided to get a little risky and a little more up close and personal than was strictly safe at the library.

I allowed myself to be carried away on a wave of pleasure. Her hands, her mouth, her taste, her body, was my entire world for the next small eternity. And I decided not to worry about things like whether or not this could cause trouble down the line.

No, for the moment it was me, Kirsten, and the stars above. That was all I needed.

9: Setting Terms

I fell back against the blanket and breathed heavily. I looked over to Savannah. Her own breath came just as quickly. Her chest rose and fell under her shirt. A shirt I'd gotten my hands under just a moment ago.

Jackpot.

Damn that had been hot. Even hotter for not going all the way. This was technically a first date, after all. You had to leave something to look forward to on the second or third date.

I pulled my attention away from Savannah. As I stared up at the starlit sky it struck me just how dangerous everything we were doing could be. I was potentially risking my job here. She was risking whatever it was that kept her from revealing who she truly was around here. And I didn't care. That had felt so good. I got so carried away that I didn't care.

I looked over at Savannah. Smiled. Reached out and took her hand. Her fingers intertwined with my own and a thrill ran through me. I could imagine those fingers doing a lot more than intertwining with my own, but that was for another time.

"What are you thinking about?" Savannah asked.

I frowned. Her grip tightened. She seemed to anticipate what that frown meant, almost like she could read my mind.

"Thinking about how complicated this is?" she asked.

"You could say that," I said. "It's just that I have a feeling that the people who hired me and can fire me anytime wouldn't appreciate it if they found out the town librarian was running around with another woman. I’m sure that would fall on the wrong side of some bullshit moral turpitude clause they could pull out of their wrinkled asses whenever they wanted."

Savannah sighed. "Yeah. The joys of small-town life, right?"

"So what are we going to do about this?" I asked.

It was really more of a rhetorical question, but Savannah squeezed my fingers. It seemed like an answer was forthcoming anyways.

"Maybe we should set up some ground rules or something?"

I looked from the stars back to Savannah. Sighed. She'd well and truly put a monkey wrench in all of my well laid out plans. I was just supposed to be here for a couple of years. Get some experience and move on to bigger and better things. Only now she was here complicating everything.

It was as frustrating as it was exciting.

"I suppose you're right. We should probably just be completely honest with each other for starters. That sounds like a good ground rule, right?"

“Like confessing our deepest and darkest secrets to each other?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of coming completely clean about why we want to stay in our comfy closets while we’re in our hometown.”

"Yeah, I guess that’s fair,” Savannah said. “I suppose I should go first?"

"If you want," I said. And it occurred to me that this was a stupid idea. It was prying a hell of a lot for a first date. "You know on second thought we really don't even have to do this. I know this is really personal."

Savannah cocked her head and I could see a glint in her eyes even in the moonlight. "And what we just did wasn't really personal? Come on. If we’re going to be a thing then we have to be completely above the board with each other."

I leaned in and kissed her. A kiss that lingered for a moment, but then I pulled back. This really was something we needed to talk about, even if it was uncomfortable. Even if I would rather be sucking face with her than discussing the difficulties of being into girls in a town where that sort of thing wasn’t exactly appreciated.

"The truth is I'm worried about my mom," Savannah said.

Well now. There was a surprise. I’d gotten so used to my own parents being the only two people in this town who knew my secret that it never occurred to me that her mom might not be in on hers.

"You mean you never told her?"

Savannah looked away. I was pretty sure that if it wasn't so dark out that I couldn’t make out more than a sexy shadow that I would've seen a blush. She seemed to do that a lot. It was so damn cute.

"I never did. After the incident with pastor Dan… Well, let's just say I'd already dealt with with rejection from a group of people who I thought were my friends, from a man who I actually liked even if he turned out to be a snake. I couldn't deal with that sort of rejection from my mom too, and dad was getting sick around that time and there was so much going on that it seemed like too much to deal with on top of everything else."

"I can understand that," I said.

Savannah reached up and wiped a hand under her cheek. I looked a little closer, and saw a tear run down her face reflected in the moonlight. I reached out and wiped it away. Leaned in and kissed the spot where it had just been. I pulled away and a Savannah smiled.

"Thank you," she said. "I've always lived with the terror of her finding out. I was afraid she’d get a call from pastor Dan back when the whole blowup happened. It never did, thank God."

I barked out a quick laugh. "Funny you should be thanking Him when His people are the ones who caused all the trouble in the first place!"

"Yeah, I guess that is a little silly," she said. "I guess old habits die hard around here, right?"

"Yeah, that’s too true. I still find myself thanking the man in the sky even though I haven’t really been into that whole scene in years. So why haven't you told your mom now that you're a grown woman?"

Savannah sighed and her shoulders slumped. "It's her health. She's already dealing with being stuck on an oxygen machine all the time. Seeing her like that, so frail compared to how she used to be when I was growing up. She used to be so strong. I worry that the shock might…"

She trailed off, but the source of her worries was pretty obvious. It was something I could understand and get behind. Her mom was in a fragile state. Her health was on the decline. I could see Savannah not wanting to risk screwing that up.

"I'm also afraid that if I told her and she reacted badly, well you hear stories about parents reuniting with their kids and having a tearful reunion, but it’s always years later. The thing is I'm not sure if I have years to wait for her to come around, you know? I feel like I should enjoy the time I have with her right now. We have a good thing going, even if we do kind of get in each other's hair living under the same roof again. I don't want to have those years go by and have her die in between, still hating the decision I made."

I shook my head. This was really heavy stuff. A hell of a lot more heavy than my fears of losing my job. Next to what she was telling me that seemed pretty lightweight. I could always go and get a job somewhere else. Sure I would probably have to move to another part of the country, away from my parents and everything I'd known, but I could still get a job. Savannah, on the other hand, was really stuck in a difficult position. She couldn’t get another mom if things went to shit the way she feared they would.

I leaned in and kissed her again. "I'm so sorry Savannah."

"Why are you sorry?" she asked.

"What you're dealing with. It's just a lot bigger than anything I have to deal with. I admire you for being able to deal with it at all," I said.

"Yeah, well your situation is pretty bad too. Did one of the ancients on the library board tell you that you’d get fired or something?"

I sighed. And now we were coming to a part of this that really made me feel like an asshole compared to what poor Savannah had to deal with.

"The truth is none of them ever said anything that gave me the impression I'd be fired because of sexual orientation. I just figured it was something that would happen. You know how it is. A bunch of old people who are already super conservative, and they’re in one of the most conservative parts of the country. It just seemed to me that with all the people on that board there was bound to be be someone who’d raise trouble. So I decided I simply wouldn’t bring it up."

"Do your parents know?" Savannah asked.

"Oh yeah. I told them long ago. I just usually kept a low profile around my friends around here, though most of the people I was friends with have moved away since and are in the know now."

"Well at least you have that," Savannah said.

"Yeah," I said. "I guess I'm out until I hit the county line. Crazy, isn't it?"

"I can't exactly call you crazy," Savannah said. "After all, I'm doing the same thing aren't I?"

"True enough."

"So I guess we’ve had some honesty. That means we’re back to where we started. What are we going to do about this?"

"Well, I just need to keep my head down long enough to get some experience and get a job somewhere else. You need to keep your head down while you're taking care of your mom…"

I almost said she needed to keep her head down until she was done taking care of her mom, but the unfortunate implications of that statement stopped me at the last moment. Probably a good thing, too. Not only was that ridiculously insensitive, but she was having enough drama with her mom as it was without me adding to that by saying something stupid and bitchy completely by accident.

"Sometimes I think that would be nice to move somewhere where I could be myself again," Savannah said. “I might be able to deal with being away from home if I had someone worth running away with.”

I reached out and brushed a thumb along her cheek even as I felt a thrill at her words. "You never know. Sometimes I think living around here could be pretty okay if I had someone to share that life with."

I felt another thrill run through me. This was getting way ahead of things. Putting the cart well before the horse. We’d just had a few lunches together over the past couple of weeks. This was our first date, and already here I was talking about how I could see myself staying in this town if it meant I was with her? She was saying she could move away if she was with someone who made moving worthwhile?

Yeah, I felt like we were both letting the initial crush phase of this whole thing run away with us. It was a little early to talk about giving up hopes and dreams for one another. I needed to get this under control.

"Yeah, I just don’t know," Savannah said, reaching up and taking my hand from her cheek. “I really have a hard time seeing myself leaving. I ran away to college, but then I came home when my mom got sick and I realized that what I really needed in my life was home. Even if there are a few warts to the place."

"I wish I could feel that way," I said.

“I wish you could too.”

Okay. We were getting into awkward territory. It was time for a subject change.

"So, ground rules for whatever this is?" I asked.

"I think that sounds like a good idea," Savannah said. “This is what it is while it lasts. That’s rule number one.”

"Agreed. Rule number two. Whatever happens between us in private, no matter where we go out on the town, as far as anyone else knows we’re just friends."

"That sounds like a good idea. Most of the people around here might even fall for it."

"What do you mean?"

"Except for some crazies like pastor Dan, I’ve noticed most people around here think that gay people are something that happens somewhere else. They don't believe the evidence even when they see it right under their noses!"

I giggled. Leaned in to kiss her. Just a quick peck on the lips now. We had business to discuss, after all.

"You know there's always been a part of me that just wanted to go into a library board meeting and scream that I was a huge lesbian. I know it's childish to want to do something like that, but the urge is always there."

"You have no idea how many times I've wanted to just tell my mom everything. Finally come clean."

"Yeah, I can understand the temptation," I said. "You know the two of us have been really fucked up by our small-town upbringing."

"I think everybody's fucked up by growing up where they grew up in some way. Our bit of fucked up just happens to deal with our sexual orientation."

"You’re very good about taking this all in stride." I said.

"What other choice do I have?" she asked.

"Well I know a choice you have right now," I said, I looked at her and smiled. She turned as well. Licked her lips.

Yeah, she understood the invitation I was extending. She leaned in to kiss me this time. The first time she'd been the aggressor since we started this dalliance. Sure there'd been times when she leaned in to kiss me when we were out on our own, but never like this. And it felt wonderful. There was a hunger behind her kiss, a need, that was so hot.

And for the first time since we'd started our dalliance I felt something else. Peace. Sure the whole "just friends" plan wasn't foolproof. There were going to be people who saw through it, but it was the best plan we could come up with under the circumstances. It was certainly better than nothing. It was certainly better than the alternative, as much as I felt like a coward for feeling that way.

Savannah rolled on top of me and all of that left my head. I had one last glimpse of the stars overhead before her hair obscured them, and that was just fine.

Stars would be up there when we were done. For now my entire world, far more beautiful than any stars, was Savannah. Her feel, her taste, her smell. And that was all I needed

10: Past Problems

I pulled my truck into the usual spot in front of the library and shut it off. I paused for a moment to look around. Everything was so bright and sunny. Sure we were getting close to the fall season, but everything seemed brighter and more real than it had before. I felt happier than I had in quite some time.

I realized there’d been something missing from my life. Denying who I was had taken its toll on me, and now that burden had been lifted somewhat. Every time I passed the library I felt a thrill. A thrill that ran from my heart straight down between my legs.

Just knowing that Kirsten was in there, that she would have a smile on her face when I walked in to see her and probably a hug and maybe a little more when I stepped back into her office, made me feel like I had something that had been missing from my life this entire time.

Something I never thought I'd find around here, for that matter.

I stepped through the wide front doors. The library was empty like usual during this time of day. Which was just fine by me. An empty library meant Kirsten would have an excuse to go back to her office to "chat" with me for awhile. Behind closed doors with the blinds drawn, of course. Wouldn't want anyone to see the kind of chatting we were actually getting up to. Particularly Ethel. If she saw that it would be all over the town rumor mill in no time.

Speaking of Ethel. She smiled up at me from her usual station behind the front desk. She seemed to be there a lot more often lately. I wondered if that was because Kirsten was here to do the heavy lifting, or because she was finally slowing down. Probably the former. Ethel was a tough old bird.

"How are you today Ethel?" I asked.

"Just fine. Has your mother finally finished her romance novels? Or are you maybe here for another reason?"

There was a twinkle in her eye and a slight questioning look to go along with what she said. Not that I was going to give anything away. Oh yes. I suspected that Ethel had her suspicions. She was a smart lady, after all, and she didn't miss much. But I wasn't going to give anything away. Hell no.

"I'm just here to see Kirsten. I was thinking about getting lunch with her today."

"It's a wonder she can afford to eat out all the time with what they pay her," Ethel said.

I blushed. To be perfectly honest I was usually the one who footed the bill. Mom selling all the farmland after dad passed hadn't made us ridiculously rich or anything. I wasn’t buying a private jet or anything even if we did have a comfy seven figures in the bank since good farmland was the one thing that was expensive around these here parts, but by the standards of this area we were pretty well off.

I had enough that if I stayed in the house I wouldn't have to work for the rest of my life, for example, and I’d still be able to leave a pretty comfortable life. It was one of the joys of living in an area where the cost of living was so ridiculously low precisely because there were so many people who didn't want to live around here.

Well that was their loss.

"So is she in the back?"

"Actually she’s down at the school giving a story time to some of the elementary school kids. She should be back any time now, though. I'm sure you can wait for her back in her office."

"No, that's okay Ethel. I think I'll go and meet her. She should be walking back any time now, right?"

"Right about now, actually," she said. "Tell her I can hold down the fort here. There's no need for her to rush rush back. Not that she has lately."

I smiled and reached out and to Ethel’s hand. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

She waved a dismissive hand. "Go and have your fun. I'll be fine here. It's not like anybody is rushing in to use the place right now. Now if you decided to have these little meetings in the middle of the after school rush…"

I turned and stepped back out into the perfect weather. I paused and looked at the goings on around me. The library was right on the town square, and I could see everything. There was the diner where the professionals who worked around the square went for lunch most days. There was a flea market on the opposite side right next to the dollar store. Not exactly the ritziest stores in this town. You weren’t going to find a Saks Fifth Avenue anywhere in town, for example.

I took in a deep breath and started towards the elementary school. I figured it would be a nice way to surprise Kirsten. Meet her somewhere along the way. She wouldn't be expecting me, at least not on the sidewalk as she was walking back.

These lunch meetings had been a gift from heaven. Even more so than the other meetings we had some evenings and weekends. Sneaking around like a couple of teenagers. Usually we went back to Kirsten's apartment, and I always felt like I was in the middle of a spy movie trying to find a way up there without people noticing me.

Not that I had to worry about people noticing that much. She had an apartment on the second floor of an old office building on the opposite end of the town square from the library. And there was absolutely nobody around here after about six o'clock when most of the businesses had shut down for the day. Still, sneaking around was fun even if it probably wasn't strictly necessary.

I hadn't realized how much taking care of my mother all the time had taken a toll on me. For that matter I hadn't realized how being in my mother's hair all the time had taken a toll on her. She was used to being independent, to doing her own thing, and to be perfectly honest there was probably a hell of a lot more that she could be doing for herself right now.

Things I hadn't let her do because I was so worried. I was so doting. Yeah, getting out of her hair was probably just as important as me getting some time away from taking care of her. It showed me that she could still take care of herself. The time we were spending apart was almost as good as all the time we'd spent together.

I frowned as I passed the home of the enemy himself. Pastor Dan’s church was just a short walk away from the square and the school. I walked a little faster as I moved past that place, though it felt ridiculous to do that.

I turned a corner and the elementary school was right there. And it looked like I was right on time. I saw someone step out carrying a pile of books in her hands. I smiled.

Kirsten smiled when she saw me coming. She tried to wave, but several of the books in her hands shifted and she almost lost them. I dashed and just managed to catch them before she had a complete and total loss.

"Thanks," she said. "I hate it when I drop them on the ground. We have such a small budget as it is to replace them."

"Glad to help," I said.

Kirsten looked around and then leaned in and blew me a kiss. Not an actual kiss. There were too many windows on the school and too many little eyes that could potentially look out at that moment and see us. Given the nature of kids they’d probably trumpet it to everyone in their class, too. Still, I felt a thrill run through me. I loved it when she made small gestures like that. I suppose it was a sign that we were still very much in the cute honeymoon phase of our relationship.

Our relationship. It felt good to say that.

"Fancy seeing you here," she said.

"Well I was down at the library and Ethel said you'd be this way so I figured…"

"No, I'm glad to see you," she said. "So where you want to go for lunch today?"

"What would you think about hitting the Chinese place?" I asked.

"That sounds fine," Kirsten said. "But don't expect any fun in my office if you decide to get that disgusting spicy thing you got last time!"

I grinned at her. "On second thought, maybe we should hit a different restaurant."

"You’re insatiable!" Kirsten giggled.

"What can I say? I've gotten used to all the fun we have!"

We walked on in silence for a moment. It was just a short walk back to the library. Just a couple of blocks. A couple of blocks that took us past my least favorite place in town. None other than Pastor Dan's church. I looked away as we went past, but then I saw someone coming down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the road that sent a chill running through me. And I’m not talking the good sort of chill I got when I was with Kirsten.

"Trouble coming this way," I muttered.

"What are you talking about?" Kirsten asked.

I nodded in the direction of the figure walking towards us. As soon as he saw as he crossed the road, it's not like there was much traffic to worry about in this part of town, and headed straight for us. Not a good sign at all. That meant he recognized us and he was making a point to pass by us rather than going straight for his lair. The prick.

Kirsten sighed. "Damn it. Why does that asshole seemed to always show up when we’re having a good time?"

"To be fair this is the first time we've seen him since that first day in the diner."

"And that's still one time too many as far as I'm concerned," Kirsten said.

"We could always go to the other side of the street and ignore him," I said.

Of course that didn't take into account that he'd seen us and immediately crossed the street to run into us. No, it seemed that he was in the mood to make trouble. I had a very strong feeling that if we crossed to get away from him he’d just do the same again.

"No. We’re not crossing the street to get away from him," Kirsten said, steely resolve in her voice.

I looked at her and smiled. I drew strength from her. I wished I had the same sort of resolve that she had whenever she dealt with pastor Dan, but the scarring that I had from my original run in with him, all the terror on my end and the pure hatred from his end, was still fresh in my mind. I hated that I was so timid around the man, but at the same time I didn't know what else to do.

I was even doing it now as he approached us. I looked down, a blush coming to my face. I hated that I was blushing as he approached.

"Are you sure you don't want to duck into a building or something to get away from him?"

Kirsten reached down and took my hand. I felt a terror at that simple gesture. Sure it also felt really good, but she was holding my hand right in front of this guy. Right in front of the last guy that we probably should've been holding hands in front of. Especially considering how rabidly anti-gay he was.

"We can't live our lives being afraid of this guy," she said.

"I guess you're right," I said.

I forced myself to hold my head high. I was still blushing, but there wasn't anything I could do about that. I could meet him head on, though. At least I could do that.

Holding hands and holding my head up high seemed to have the added benefit of making pastor Dan even more furious. His face turned red and then purple in a color that I more than recognized from my past dealings with him. I understood that he was usually a very nice man when dealing with just about anybody else in town, but then again I figured he couldn't be all that great if he had all that anger lurking just under the surface. No, I just knew him for the asshole he actually was.

For a moment I thought he might walk past us, but then at the last moment as he brushed past me he reached out and grabbed my arm. Held on tight enough that it actually hurt.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

I looked up. Stared into that angry face that I recognized all too well from years ago. And immediately all of my resolve faded. I was the same young teenage girl who had a crush on another girl and didn't understand what the hell was going on. Didn't understand why God would do that to me back when I still thought of things in those terms. I was just a girl figuring out who she was for the first time, and he was an angry man who was bringing the full weight of all of his authority down on me.

And so I folded. I tried to pull away, but he kept that painful grip. I hated that I felt that fear again. I hated it every time those feelings came back, but I also couldn't quite bring myself to try and pull away.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Kirsten shouted.

I winced at that shout. That wasn't good. That was loud enough that it would draw attention. Sure the street was mostly deserted right now, but there were plenty of businesses around. If they heard people yelling then they might be drawn to the confrontation that was brewing between the three of us.

Kirsten reach out and smacked his hand and he let out a yell of surprise and finally let go of my arm. I moved my hand up and rubbed the spot where he'd grabbed me.

And I stood there, helpless, staring between my future and my past coming together in what looked to be one hell of an explosive confrontation.

11: Confrontation

I felt panic and anger in equal measure. There was a chance I was on the verge of getting into a fist fight with one of the more prominent religious leaders in our small town. That was probably the last thing I should do.

Sure he was an asshole who seemed to delight in making Savannah miserable. He seemed to delight in preying on young people or people who couldn't defend themselves, but he was still considered a community leader. I could see the headline now: “New librarian get in fight with pastor. Punches him out in street.”

Yeah, that wouldn't be good at all. Never mind that he had enough influence with some people that he could make my life miserable regardless.

I tried to remember if any members of the library board went to his church, though I couldn't recall. It seemed his flock been dwindling in recent years if the number of cars I saw outside the church on Sundays now compared to before I moved away was any indication.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked.

"I could ask the same of you," I said. "Who do you think you are? Grabbing her arm like that? You hurt her. Look!"

"Nothing she doesn't deserve for some of her sins," he said. I’ll have you know I could have you brought up on assault charges for striking me like that!"

"Oh yeah? You talking about her sins? Bringing me up on assault charges? That’s rich you hypocrite!"

I put a finger in his face and he went cross eyed. It was almost amusing. Except I was already so hopped up on adrenaline that it was difficult for me to feel anything approaching amusement. Particularly dealing with this asshole.

"I don't give a damn about your stupid religion or what your imaginary friend has to say about the life Savannah's chosen to live. What I do care about is that you just assaulted my friend first."

"What do you mean?"

"Savannah? Can I see your arm?"

Savannah took a reluctant step forward and I frowned. I thought we were over this. I thought she’d decided to stand up to this asshole, but it appeared that once more she'd folded under the terror from her childhood coming back to haunt her again.

Not that I could exactly blame her. I suppose if I'd had a similar experience I'd probably be more than a little terrified of the guy as well. Still, it would be nice if she stood up for herself. This wasn’t going to end until she was the one doing it and not me.

Of course if she wasn't going to do it in the here and now then I would do the standing up for both of us.

"See what you did to her?" I asked.

For good measure I flipped out my cell phone and snapped a picture of her arm. There were angry red marks in the shape of his hand. A couple of them were even starting to turn purple as I took the picture. I looked back at him and smiled my sweetest smile.

"How do you think the police are going to react when they discover you grabbed a girl and yanked on her arm so hard that it bruised? Who do you think will be the one who gets a free trip to the jail then, asshole?"

"I…"

"You still want to call the police? I'm sure they'd be very interested in hearing all about what just happened."

Pastor Dan looked between the two of us. I didn't think it would be possible for his face to turn a brighter shade of purple than it already was, but somehow he managed to pull it off. But at least he had the good sense to know when he was good and beaten.

"Maybe it won't be necessary to call the police," he said.

"I thought you'd agree with me," I said.

I glanced over to Savannah. She'd completely withdrawn in on herself. It was the same look I recognized from the diner that first day when we'd met. I hated how this guy could make her fold in on herself like that. I hated that he still had that power over her. I wanted to scream in frustration.

Apparently pastor Dan couldn't resist getting one final dig in, though. He pointed between the two of us. His voice was suddenly soft and quiet. Somehow that was even more threatening than the yelling. At least I imagined it would be for Savannah. I was so over him and his bullshit that it didn't have the desired effect on me.

"I know what's going on between the two of you," he said. "You should know that what I do is only to save you."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I’m sure you’re really worried about saving us. How many of the people you married over the years have split up, padre? How many of those people still give you money every Sunday without a peep from you? I seem to remember that being up there on the list of unforgivable sins once upon a time."

He blinked and stared at me with narrowing eyes.

"Oh yeah," I said. "I read the book you decided to take literally. Do you want to dance?"

"You don't…"

"It's none of your damn business what we do in the privacy of our own lives," I said. "That's the beauty of this country, and as far as I'm concerned you can go fuck yourself."

Finally he let out a growl and turned. Stormed off towards his church in a huff. I followed him until he was walking up the steps. I wanted to make sure he wasn't going to cause any more trouble for us. If there was a wasp in the room you wanted to know where it was, after all.

"That one's going to be more trouble," I said.

Now that I was deflating from the anger that had fueled me during that argument, that had led me to say uncivilized things that I normally wouldn't say, I suddenly thought about how ridiculous it was that I'd acted that way towards him. He was a community leader. He could make all sorts of trouble for me.

And yet that had been the right thing to do.

I turned to Savannah and she was shivering. Her eyes were squeezed shut and a single tear ran down her cheek. I moved in and enveloped her in a hug. She put her head against my shoulder, seemingly not caring whether or not anyone else saw. I buried my face in her hair and inhaled her scent.

It was weird. At that moment I should've been thinking about comforting her, but all I could think about was how great she felt pressed against me.

"Thank you," Savannah said.

"No problem," I said. "Maybe we should head back to the library? Think you can hold it together until we get back to my office?"

Savannah looked up at me and nodded. Apparently she didn't trust herself to talk. Well, that was fine. She'd been through a lot in the past few minutes.

So I put an arm around her and led her back to the library. She was shivering the entire way there. But she at least managed to hold it together until we got back to my office. Once the door was closed she wrapped her arms around me and pressed her face against my chest. Something that normally would have been very distracting, but she burst into tears which ruined any sort of ulterior motives I might have in the moment.

No, I just held her, rocking back and forth.

"It's okay," I said. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Everything's not going to be okay," Savannah said. "Not as long as I'm living in the same town as that man. I have nightmares about my mom having that same reaction, and it terrifies me!"

I paused. Wondered if I should really say what I was about to say. Especially when she was in such a delicate state. Then again, it was something that had to be said at some point.

"Maybe you should stand up to him?"

Savannah looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. "What do you mean?"

I shrugged. "As long as you let him have power over you he's going to abuse that power. If you let him know that it doesn't bother you…"

Savannah looked down. Away. As though she was suddenly ashamed of looking at me.

"I know I should," she said. "It's just so hard. He looks at me and…"

"You feel like the girl he terrorized years ago?"

Savannah looked up at me and smiled. Leaned in for a kiss. "It's like you're a mind reader."

I grinned. "I try.”

Suddenly an idea occurred to me. Something that would hopefully get her mind off of everything that just happened. Something that would also take us away from this town where we had to deal with the judgmental pastor Dan. No, the more I thought about it the more it seemed like a great idea.

"How about we get away from this town?"

Savannah frowned. "I've already explained this to you. I have my mom to worry about, and…"

I held up a hand to stop her. "I'm not talking about leaving town for good. I'm talking about getting away for a little mini vacation. I figure we can go to of the city, hit some of the places I used to know when I was in school. Really have a good tim, and not have to worry about hiding."

Savannah brushed a strand of red hair from her face. Smiled hesitantly. I was going to have to draw her out of her shell again, but this seemed to be a good first step.

"That actually sounds like fun," she said. "I'll have to make sure my mom would be okay if we leave for a weekend though."

I sighed. "And I'm going have to talk to Ethel about running the place while I’m gone. Not that I don't think she could, but the weekend is usually our busy time. I'm going to owe her big for that."

"In that case why not just go during the week? It's not like I have anything better to do," Savannah said.

"That sounds like a great idea," I said.

I wiped the rest of the tears from Savannah's face. Put my hands on either side of that beautiful face. Leaned in and kissed her. It was a slow, sensual kiss. I enjoyed exploring the contours of her lips pressed against my own. I hesitantly moved my tongue out, and hers darted into my mouth.

I luxuriated in the taste that was Savannah. In the feel of her body as she suddenly pressed against me in a way that was completely unlike how she'd pressed against me when she was sobbing just moments ago. It was as though that encounter had filled her with a longing, with a desire, and it was something that I could more than understand. After all, I was feeling a bit of that myself. The aftermath of the adrenaline rush from confronting that guy was one hell of a drug, and the cure was Savannah.

I pulled away from the kiss. Looked down at her. Smiled. "So are you feeling better now?"

She nodded and bit her lip. "I think so."

I held her against me again. I was trying to show a brave face, but inside I was worried. All this was just highlighting the problems that were facing me and Savannah. We were only going to run into more of this, and I wondered what that meant for our future. I wondered if a future was even something I should be thinking about considering I was still planning on only being here for a few years and then getting out. Considering that Savannah seemed to be planning on staying here for the rest of her life that put a hard limit on our time together.

I pushed those thoughts out of my mind as she leaned forward and whispered in my ear though.

"So what would you say to skipping lunch?"

I blinked in surprise. "Here? In my office?"

Savannah bit her lip and giggled. "You'll just have to keep quiet to keep Ethel from suspecting anything, now won't you?"

And then suddenly I was so distracted that all the worries in the world seemed to escape from my mind. For the moment. I knew they'd come crashing back down later, but that was later and there were far more interesting things happening in the here and now.

12: Meet the Parent

I paced up and down in the living room, full of nervous energy. Kirsten was coming out here. Not to the edge of the driveway and then we’d go to the back field or anything. No, she was coming right up to the house where she’d meet my mom.

As I paced a thousand ideas occurred to me as to how we could have gotten around this. I could've gone into town and picked her up in front of her building, though that would have risked other people around the town square seeing us riding off together and disappearing for a couple of days. And I didn't for a moment believe that people wouldn't notice that sort of thing.

It was a small town. Everybody's business was everybody else's.

We could've maybe parked over at her parents’ house, though she said they only had a small two-car garage and it would've inconvenienced them for the couple of days we were gone constantly shuffling cars around. No, that wasn't the ideal solution either.

Of course that brought us to the eventual solution we'd settled on, which was also less than ideal. Which brought Kirsten out here. Where my mom was.

"You seem so nervous," mom said.

I jumped and turned to smile at her. It spoke volumes about just how crazy I was that she was able to sneak up on me like that. Usually I could hear the sound of her oxygen machine loudly allowing her to breathe from a mile away, but somehow I’d missed that steady hum this time around.

Mom turned and looked out the window. She had a wistful look on her face.

"You know I remember a time when the idea of you going off to the city with some guy would have driven me crazy," she said.

I sighed. "I already told you…"

She waved a hand. "I know. You say you're not going off with a boy. With that guy you've been dating. The one you haven’t introduced me to yet."

She turned and gave me a long stare. The sort of stare that made me feel even more nervous than I already was. The sort of stare that made me feel like I should just come clean already and tell her everything. As always I resisted that sudden urge, and the moment passed.

"This really is just a trip into the city with a friend for some shopping," I said.

"Right. A two night trip. I know."

"I'm serious!"

I actually felt a little giddy having this conversation with her. She was so close to the mark, and yet she’d missed it entirely. Giddy and guilt all mixed together. Giddy because I really was pulling one over on her. Guilty because I was pulling one over on her.

Damn it.

Mom sighed. "I don't know why you're acting like this Savannah," she said. "The boy is coming out here and you're driving into the city with him. I’m going to meet him in a minute and you’re still playing games?”

She sniffed derisively to let me know exactly what she thought of that. Not that the sniff was necessary. This wasn’t the first time we’d had this conversation.

“I can’t believe you’re driving, either. What kind of guy lets the girl do the driving?"

I rolled my eyes. "Come on mom," I said. "This isn’t the ‘50s or something. I can drive if I'm going with going out with someone!"

She pointed a finger at my nose and I went cross eyed. "Ha! So you admit you're going out with this person!"

"I meant that in the sense that I'm going on a trip. Not in the sense that we're dating."

I hated lying to my mom like this, but the alternative was even more terrifying. No, I had no intention of telling her even if I had an overwhelming desire to do just that. A desire that seemed to be popping up more and more the longer I was with Kirsten. I felt so secure with her that it was difficult to imagine a world where my mom wouldn’t love her. It was difficult to imagine, but my mind had no problem serving up that worst case scenario.

"Just you wait until my friend gets here mom," I said.

At least all of this sneaking around and lying was going to allow me to pull one hell of a fast one on my mom today. That or she'd figure everything out. Talk about terrifying.

I heard the familiar sound of gravel crunching on the drive outside. I went to the window and looked out. Sure enough, Kirsten’s beat up old car was moving towards the house. I turned for the door with every intention of heading mom off at the pass, but then I was surprised to see she'd already bolted for the front door.

"Damn it mom!" I said. "You know you're not supposed to move that fast when you're on your oxygen!"

No, it was dangerous for her to get too excited. Exercise was a thing of the past for her, and yet the way she sprinted to that front door, trying to beat me so she could be the first person to meet whoever was out there, you’d think she was an Olympic level sprinter or something. I shook my head and growled in frustration. Parents could be such a pain!

By the time I got to the door mom was already there holding it open with a triumphant smile. Now it was my turn to put a finger right in front of her nose, and it was her turn to go cross eyed.

"You know you're not supposed to do that," I said.

She grinned, but her breath was coming in gasps. "You know I couldn't resist. I want to be the first to meet this new…"

She looked out to Kirsten's beat up old car. Saw that the person stepping out of the battered car had a distinctly feminine form, and I think it finally hit home for dear old mom that I’d been telling the truth the entire time. Sort of. From a certain point of view.

"… Guy?"

I fixed her with a self-satisfied smile of my own. "I told you I was just going into the city with a friend," I said.

Another lie. It probably shouldn't disturb me how easy it had gotten for me to lie to my own mother, but I'd gotten so used to it that it really didn't feel like much of an issue anymore.

"Well I'll be damned," mom said.

Mom plastered a big smile on her face. She might be surprised, but she wasn't going to let it show. She wasn’t going to let that get in the way of being a good host. Even if I had no intention of letting her be a good host for long.

She was still breathing heavily long after she should've caught her breath. I thought back to her running through the fields with me and playing around the house. She'd been invincible back then, and this was yet another reminder of her mortality as I was getting ready to leave her for a couple of days. That filled me with a completely different sort of guilt that had nothing to do with lying to her about the true nature of my relationship with Kirsten.

Kirsten walked up the steps to the front porch with an uncertain smile on her face. Clearly she was just as surprised to see my mom standing there as my mom was to see a girl coming up the steps. Mom managed to hide her surprise pretty well as she held her arms wide.

"Welcome. Nice to meet you! Any friend of Savannah’s," she said.

"Nice to meet you too," Kirsten said. "I've heard a lot about you."

Mom looked between the two of us with suspicion plain on her face, but I wasn't giving anything away. No sir. And then she looked pointedly at me as though she expected something. It took me a moment to realize that I hadn't actually made formal introductions yet.

"I'm sorry. This is Kirsten. She's the new librarian in town," I said.

"Oh so you're the new librarian," my mom said. "I've heard all about you from Ethel."

"All good things I hope," Kirsten said.

"Definitely," mom replied.

I turned to go back into the house when mom held out a hand to stop me. She made a production of peering out into Kirsten's car. I cocked an eyebrow at her. "What on earth are you doing?"

"I just want to make sure you're not trying to pull a fast one on me."

"A fast one?"

She looked at me and rolled her eyes. "You know. The old trick where you have one person come in to distract while the real person you're going out with is waiting out in the car."

I didn't think it would be possible for me to be any more surprised, but I couldn't help but bark out a laugh at how ridiculous that was. How old was I and she still thought I’d try to do something like that?

"Are you serious?"

"Totally serious!" she said. "I used to pull that with your dad all the time. My parents, your grandpa, didn't approve of him at first. Did I ever tell you about the first time your dad came over to take me out on a date? Your grandpa met him at the door with a shotgun!"

"Only about every other time you talk about your first date mom," I said.

"Well then. It looks like everything's on the up and up." She turned to Kirsten. "Nobody hiding in your trunk, I presume?"

Kirsten looked a little shellshocked. Obviously she was having trouble dealing with the avalanche that was my mom. It was amazing how she could still roll over somebody even caring around that oxygen tank. And I found myself wondering how much longer she would be able to do this sort of thing. How much longer it would be before the disease finally caught up with her.

I pushed that thought out of my mind. It was best not to think about that sort of thing.

"Well come along into the kitchen dear," mom said. "I'm sure Savannah has a few things she needs to finish getting ready, and I can make you a drink or something. Do you like coffee?"

"Um, I guess I like coffee?"

As Kirsten was dragged into the kitchen she shot me a look. It was a harried look that I knew all too well. The sort of look I'd seen on boyfriends who had to deal with my mom, though she was the first girlfriend who had to deal with the avalanche of words that was my mother when she really got going.

I breathed a sigh of relief once they were in the kitchen, though I could hear the chattering going on even so. Mom thought I was trying to pull a fast one on her, and in a way she was very right. I had just pulled a fast one on her. She seemed none the wiser that Kirsten and I were an item. Though of course she could just be keeping her opinion to herself. She did that from time to time.

It was really rare, though.

I went upstairs and finished the last few things I needed to get ready. Really just putting a couple more items into my bag that I’d saved for the very end in case mom came around and decided to snoop. I paused as I got to a pair of lacy black underwear and blushed.

Yeah, it was a good thing mom wasn't up here to poke and prod and see me hiding these away. I might’ve thrown Kirsten to the wolves, but it was necessary to keep the wolf from smelling blood up here.

No, if she saw that she’d know without a doubt that I was going on a date, and she’d put two and two together pretty quick. I hurriedly stuffed the racy underwear into the bottom of my bag and zipped it up.

I moved back down to the kitchen and paused to watch for a moment. Mom was still chatting away at Kirsten. Talking about Ethel, and how much fun it must be to work with her. Meanwhile Kirsten had gotten over her shellshocked look. She had a smile on her face and was laughing easily right along with my mom.

It made me feel warm and fuzzy seeing the two of them together like that. It made me feel good that they could get along, though of course that also brought a frown my face. Seeing the two of them laughing and chatting in there was also a reminder that my time with my mom and with Kirsten was limited. I didn't know how much longer I had with either of them, what with Kirsten’s plans to move off to the city as soon as she had enough experience and my mom in the state she was. Sure she was in good shape now, but everything I'd read said that could change very quickly.

I pushed those thoughts away. This was supposed to be a happy couple of days away in the city with Kirsten. I wasn't going to do myself any favors by starting that happy and fun experience off by thinking about how these relationships were eventually going to end. Everything ended, after all, and it should be about the journey and not what happened at that ending.

I stepped into the kitchen and jingled the keys to the truck. Not the old truck my dad used to drive around the farm. The new one. Well, it was newer at least, though just about anything was new compared to the ancient machine I usually drove. He got it right before he passed, and I’d inherited it even though I hardly ever drove the thing unless I was traveling. It’d gotten a lot of use when I was still in school.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked.

Kirsten looked up in surprise. "Why do you have your keys out? I thought I was driving? There’s no way I’m driving in that old beater you’re always clattering around in. That thing is not highway safe!"

"Nope. Not a chance that's happening," I said. "I've ridden in that death trap you call a car, and I have no desire to be trapped in that thing up for a drive that lasts more than a few minutes in and out of town. We’re taking the new truck."

“The new truck?”

“Yup. Well, newer at least.”

“You mean all this time you’ve been complaining about my car and you have something newer than that old beater you’re driving around?” she asked.

I sniffed. “It’s a classic.”

She looked down and grumbled. "You can't do this. I'll pay for gas or something."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Don't give me that. I know what you make at the library, and you can't cover the cost of gas."

"Sure I can!" she said.

"Nope. I'm not letting you," I said. "I have everything planned out. The trip. Where we’re going to stay. Everything."

Kirsten let out a noise that was very near a growl. Meanwhile my mom was looking back and forth between the two of us. She had that considering look on her face again. And I suddenly had the feeling that the more I sat here talking to Kirsten like the two of us were in a relationship, the more likely it was that mom might figure something out.

"So are you just going to sit there?" I asked. "Or are you going to come along?"

Kirsten blinked and shook her head. Looked at me and then to my mom. And she seemed to realize what had just happened between the two of us. Saw the same crafty considering look on my mom's face. She smiled and stood.

"I guess you're right," she said. "We should get going."

"I thought you'd agree with me."

Though as she brushed past me she muttered "this isn't over yet."

I fixed her with my best smile and waved to my mom as I hefted my bag. I was about to step out the door when I felt a hand at my side. I looked down in surprise. Sure enough mom had done another one of her mysterious sprints and her hand was on my arm. She looked up at me.

"I hope you have fun over the next couple of days," she said. "And don't worry about me. I'll be fine, and I can always call the neighbors if I get into trouble."

I reached out and gave her a hug. It felt a little different giving her hugs these days because of the air tubing between us. Also because she always felt a little thinner these days than she had in the past.

"I love you mom," I said.

"I love you too," she said. "No matter what. I want you to know that."

And here we were again. I felt like we were on the verge of having another moment, but I reluctantly pulled away. Smiled at her as I brushed a strand of hair away from my face.

"Are you coming?"

Kirsten's voice broke the spell. I turned and smiled at her. She was getting a rather large suitcase out of her car. I wasn't sure how I’d fit that thing in the truck cab. I might have to toss it in the bed.

"Be right there," I said.

I leaned in and gave my mom a kiss on the cheek and then moved down the porch towards the car. That thing was so big that it looked like she was going to need help. How could one girl need that many things for a couple of days in the city? Damn!

13: Change of Hearts

"You really don't have to do this," I said.

"I don't have to do it, but that's not going to stop me," Savannah said.

"At least let me pay for something. I can get our hotel?"

Savannah shook her head and turned to smile at me. A head turn that took her attention away from the road. I held the bar over my head in a white knuckled grip as she turned back and swerved just before she went off the side of the road. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"There's not a chance you're going to pay for the hotel. I already paid for the whole thing," she said.

"Could you at least let me go halfsies with you?" I asked.

Savannah bit her lip and shook her head again. She was obviously enjoying the way I squirmed over her paying for everything.

"No. Not a chance anything like that is happening," she said.

I sighed. Damn it. Why did she have to be so damn frustrating? Sure it was a nice thing and all that she was doing, but at the same time I felt like I should pay for something. She glanced over at me again and the whole car went with her in the same direction as that glance.

"Can you at least promise to keep your eyes on the road?"

Savannah raised both eyebrows. "What are you talking about? It's like you don't think I'm a good driver or something…"

"Savannah!"

Savannah looked in front of us and skillfully moved the truck to the side right before we bumped into the back of a semi. That could have potentially been very bad. Already I felt my pulse racing and I wanted nothing more than to be at our destination so I wouldn’t have to endure this torture any longer.

"You could at least let me drive on the ride home," I said.

Savannah stuck her tongue out, but then quickly turned her attention back to the road. She was a decent driver when she paid attention.

"I'll think about it if you stop bothering me about paying for everything," she said.

“Fine,” I grumbled. I still didn’t like it, but it if meant a chance of surviving the return trip I’d give her whatever she wanted.

Savannah pulled onto an off ramp and fifteen minutes later we were pulling up to a hotel. I figured she’d go directly for the parking garage, but to my surprise she pulled up to the front of the hotel instead.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She looked at me like I'd gone crazy. "Parking?"

"But…"

Then her door opened and I panicked for a moment, thinking for sure that we were getting carjacked. Savannah acted like it was nothing though.

Then I realized the guy had a suit on. Of course. She was getting her truck parked by a valet. Which was pretty much a totally foreign experience to me.

My parents weren't rich. They were well off by the standards of our hometown, but they weren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. Paying someone to park your car when you could just park it yourself and walk down to the check-in counter was a foreign concept to me.

Savannah turned and fixed me with an expectant look. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah, I guess I am," I said.

Savannah handled all of the checking in. Not that I could have done anything. She'd made all the reservations, after all, and that meant the room was in her name. In a moment we were up in a room that had a nice view of the city. I could see lights twinkling outside. It looked impressive.

"Damn. You went all out for this," I said. "Are you really this loaded?"

"Loaded enough," Savannah said. "At least enough to afford a nice trip into the city every once in a while. Besides, I haven't had a real vacation in years, and I figured what better time to splurge just a little than our first official overnight together?"

I blinked and realized that this was our first official overnight. Out of town, at least. There’d been a couple of times when Savannah had left my apartment pretty late in the night, or early in the morning depending on how you reckoned that sort of thing. She'd never stayed long enough for me to fix breakfast, is what I’m getting at. She'd always been worried about getting back to her mom, which I could understand even if it was frustrating not having her there waiting for me in the morning.

I went over and wrapped my arms around her. Leaned in and gave her a quite thorough kiss against the backdrop of the city lights twinkling in the distance. I figured if we were having an overnight like this then it meant things were getting decently serious, but I also wasn't going to put a jinx on anything by saying something like that out loud.

Besides, it's not like we were talking about moving into an apartment together or anything. I figured it would be a good long while before we talked about that. Though I was starting to consider that as a real possibility. I was even starting to think that maybe staying in our small town might be a possibility as long as I had Savannah at my side.

That was something to think about later, though. Right now I wanted to enjoy being with Savannah. Feeling her against me. I looked out the window.

"That's a very nice view you got," I said.

"I think the view’s better in here," Savannah said.

I turned to her and she winked. I reached out and smacked her shoulder playfully. "Did you really just say that?"

"Maybe I did?" Savannah said. "What's it to you? What's the point of being with a girl if you can't flatter her with cheesy lines?"

"Right," I said.

I was about to launch into a couple of cheesy lines of my own when my stomach growled loud enough that both of us could easily hear it. Savannah looked down and then back up to me. Grinned.

"Maybe we should go get a bite to eat or something?"

"I am pretty starved after that drive in. Being terrified really takes it out of you," I said.

"Fuck you," Savannah said, but there was a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her face that told me it wasn't meant as an insult.

"That's the idea," I said. "But we need to do that after we have dinner, deal?"

"I'd be up for seeing where the night leads us," Savannah said. "Now let's head down. I saw a nice restaurant attached to the hotel lobby."

"A hotel restaurant? Seriously? I asked. "Aren’t those usually expensive?"

Savannah shook her head and leaned in to kiss me. "Would you stop worrying about money like you're a poor librarian for just a little while? I've got this."

The restaurant turned out to be a pretty nice place. A little more pricey than I was used to, but not exactly the kind of place where the super rich paid five hundred dollars for a steak or something ridiculous like that. I never understood the point of that. Especially when you could just grill your own and it would be just as good as anything you got at a place like that.

Then again I'd long ago reconciled myself to not having that sort of money given the profession I'd gone into. Maybe that annoyance at the idea of a five hundred dollar steak was just me trying to feel better about living a life where I’d never get to taste a five hundred dollar steak.

I looked to Savannah and she blushed just a little, but her blushes weren’t nearly as intense here as they'd been back when we first met. Back then it seemed like she might die from the blood loss what with all of it moving up to her face and down her neck and along her chest. A chest that I enjoyed quite a bit. That I'd explored very thoroughly since we started getting together.

It seemed odd to think that this had been going on for a few months now. Odd, but so good.

"What are you thinking about?" Savannah asked.

"I'm thinking about how glad I am that I have you in my life," I said.

This time the blush did turn up to full power. None of the half blushing that had been there a moment ago.

"Flatterer," she said.

"What can I say? You're beautiful!"

She really did look absolutely beautiful. Savannah was completely herself tonight. A radiant girl who didn't have a care in the world. She wasn't drawn in on herself like she usually seemed to some degree when we were back home. Not that I could exactly fault her for acting that way when we were back home. I'd seen the way she got treated by some people. I knew what she had to deal with.

But at the same time it was nice to see her as she truly was. As she truly could be, here in the city where she was far from her worries. Far from the things that caused her to shut down. I wished I could see her like this all the time.

"I feel like there's more to it than thinking I'm beautiful," Savannah said. “Come on. What has that worried look on your face? You know you can’t hide these things from me.”

"I don't know if that's something we should necessarily talk about," I said.

I really didn't think it was something we should talk about. I'd just been thinking about how she got withdrawn when she was in the town that she she loved. I had a feeling telling her my feelings on the matter would bring us dangerously close to getting into an argument. An argument was the last thing I wanted right now. I just wanted to enjoy my time with her in the city.

"Seriously. Go ahead. We've been together long enough that I don't think we should be hiding things from each other," Savannah said.

I sighed. "I was just thinking that I really enjoy you like this here in the city."

"Well I enjoy being with you in the city too," Savannah said. "Why would you think I’d get upset if you said something like that?"

"Because I was thinking about how you are back home."

"How am I back home?" she asked.

And here we were. Moving close to dangerous territory. Territory where we could potentially get into that argument that I desperately wanted to avoid.

"It's just that when we're back home you always seem a little withdrawn. Out here you’re smiling and bubbly and confident. Back home it feels like you're always looking over your shoulder. I hate to see you like that. Sometimes I wonder if it might be better for you if you got away from that place."

Savannah shrugged. "Sometimes I think the same thing, but it's not like I can leave my mom behind. It's not like I can I do anything about Pastor Dan being a first rate asshole or anything either. He’s always been that way."

Well shit. She brought Pastor Dan into it. I was about to offer my opinion on something that probably wasn't any of my business, even if it was very much my business from a certain point of view.

"Are you sure about that?" I asked. "Have you ever thought about just telling him to leave you alone? Maybe stand up to him?"

I paused and barreled right on without thinking about what I was saying. "I don't want the woman I love to live in constant fear."

I also didn't want to have to constantly be the one standing up for her. I figured at a certain point she had to own who she was, what she was, but at the same time I recognized the hypocrisy in that statement considering I wasn't exactly willing to be out and proud about who and what I was either. At least not within the county limits of the place where I grew up and was employed. We were both sneaking, after all.

Savannah fixed me with an unreadable expression. It was odd. She searched my eyes. She wasn’t angry like I thought she’d be. And then it was my turn to blush as I realized exactly what I’d just said. The L word. Damn it.

I put a hand to my mouth. Sure that accurately described how I felt about her, but at the same time it felt like it was entirely too soon to be throwing that word around. Though Savannah smiled. She seemed to be reacting well enough. She wasn't getting up and running out of the restaurant or anything. I figured that was a good sign.

She leaned forward. Her smile grew even wider. And she whispered in a conspiratorial voice. "Could you say that again?"

"That you need to stand up to that asshole Pastor Dan?"

"I'm talking about the bit after that," Savannah said. "The one that had that a certain word in it?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. Shook my head. Here I'd been trying to have what I thought would be a difficult conversation with her about standing up to that asshole, about maybe being herself at least with people who knew, and it had gone in a completely unexpected direction. A completely unexpected direction that was entirely my fault, to be fair. I was the one who opened my big mouth, after all.

"Fine. I said I love you. Are you happy?"

Savannah did look happy. For a moment, at least. But then she sighed and turned away. I recognized the defeated Savannah that I'd seen whenever Pastor Dan was around. Whenever it was clear she was thinking about her mom, or maybe about our future together. What future we could have considering our long term plans hadn’t really intersected so far.

But then there was that nagging voice in the back of my head. That voice that told me maybe I’d be okay with staying in that small town if I had someone special to share my life with. A nagging voice that had been getting louder and louder the more time I spent with Savannah.

We just had to figure out the problem of both of us being in hiding. I suppose both of us had to grow a pair, even though that wasn't really the best phrasing considering neither one of us had a pair to begin with.

"I'm sorry," I said. "It was too early for me to say something like that. You're perfectly justified reacting like that. It might be too soon, and we can still take things slow…"

Savannah shook her head. Turned and looked back at me. She had a thin sad smile on her face.

"It's not that at all," she said. "I think I'm starting to feel the same way about you, but what does that mean for us? I wonder what kind of future we’re going to have if you're planning on going away in a couple of years. Who knows what's going to be going on with me and my mom at that point. If I'll be able to get away. If I'll even want to move away considering I have the house and I love it there so much…"

"Yeah, I understand how you feel," I said. I opened my mouth to tell her the big news. That I'd been reconsidering those plans. I felt a tingling sensation running up and down my body. I reached out and took Savannah's hand. She jumped, but she didn't pull away. Now that was an odd reaction. Maybe she felt the intensity of this moment to just as much as I did. I felt like this was one hell of a moment, that was for sure.

"You know I've actually been thinking about that… About our future together…"

Savannah looked up at me and she seemed so hopeful. It made my heart leap. It made me suddenly think, hope really, that this might all ago much better than I'd originally anticipated. A girl could dream.

14: The Future

A thrill ran through me at those words.

"What are you talking about Kirsten?" I asked.

She looked down, then back up to me. Smiled an uncertain smile.

"You know we've been having a lot of fun lately," she said.

I grinned right back at her. Held her hand and felt tiny electric charges that seemed to be dancing back and forth between our fingers.

"I agree with that. I never thought I'd find someone like you back home of all places."

"Yeah, I never thought I'd find someone like you at home either. And it’s had me doing a lot of thinking lately," she said.

"What kind of thinking Kirsten?"

"Thinking about my plans for life, if I'm going to be perfectly honest."

That tingle turned to an all-out fire. I felt like I was going to pass out from the anticipation. Where was this going? I know where I hoped it was going.

"I've been thinking about the whole plan to work back home for a couple of years and then leave as soon as I could. I've been thinking about how much I enjoy my work at the library, even if the pay isn't all that great. I guess that's not really a problem as long as my parents are willing to help out giving me a place to live for cheap, and I knew going into this that I wasn’t going to get rich being a librarian."

"Really? And what's had you reconsidering all of this?"

She looked up. "Well you, silly. What else would have me reconsidering?”

"So what are you thinking?"

Her grip tightened on my hands.

"I'm not telling you that yet. First I need to know something."

I cocked an eyebrow. "What's that?"

"What are we? What's going on here? Are we serious? Are we just having fun? Is this going anywhere?"

I didn't have to think about that for very long. We'd been going on dates and doing a hell of a lot more than that when we had a little bit of privacy for a couple of months now. I'd heard that things moved faster once you got a little older, and I certainly felt that way in the here and now looking at Kirsten, beautiful Kirsten, staring back at me with that gorgeous face and that hopeful look.

"As far as I'm concerned this feels a lot like a relationship," I said.

Kirsten grinned. "I feel the same way. And I've been thinking that if I have you, well I could see myself staying in town. That might be getting ahead of ourselves a little bit, I suppose the whole thing could crash and burn tomorrow and then I’d stick to the original plan, but I just wanted you to know that I’m not necessarily all about moving away if there’s a reason to stay."

My eyebrows lowered at that. I tried to keep the smile on my face though. I tried to keep things breezy.

"Well it's nice to know you have such confidence in our long-term prospects!"

Kirsten shook her head. "I don't mean it like that. You know what I mean!"

"Yeah, I suppose I do."

"What I'm trying to get at here is I want you to know that if it does turn out that whatever is going on here has some staying power, I could see myself staying in town with you. I could see myself even letting other people know about us."

I felt a thrill and terror at the same time. I thought of all the hiding I'd done. All the lengths I'd gone to in order to hide who I truly was back home. And at the same time I thought about the prospect of having Kirsten in my life. Having her there for good. I thought about how nice it would be to finally come clean with everyone in my life. No more hiding. No more sneaking around.

Yeah, the thought terrified me as much as it thrilled me.

"I don't…"

Kirsten held up a hand. "I'm not saying that we have to lock anything down for good tonight. I'm not saying we have to make any commitments or anything tonight. All I'm saying is I'm open to doing that, and I want you to know."

I sighed. Smiled. "I think I can live with that," I said.

"I'm glad to hear it," Kirsten said.

Kirsten let out a long sigh. "That was some pretty heavy stuff for before dinner."

"You're telling me," I said. "I've heard about people having a tough time talking about the whole commitment conversation, but I've never heard of people having a tough time talking about the conversation about having the commitment conversation somewhere down the line!"

"Well don't get me wrong," Kirsten said. "As far as I'm concerned we're an exclusive thing now. I'm also okay with us still sneaking around if that's what you need."

"Are you really willing to risk your job?" I asked.

Kirsten looked me straight in the eye. "I am. I also understand that you’re risking a hell of a lot more than what I am. I can get another job. You can't get another mother."

"Thank you for being so understanding," I said.

She shrugged. "I wouldn't be relationship material if I wasn't understanding, now would I?"

"I guess not."

"Well that's enough about that serious stuff. Why don’t we talk about something else?" Kirsten asked.

"Like what?"

"Like where are we going tonight? I think going exclusive deserves a celebration!"

I raised my glass. “To being exclusive in a town where we’re the only two girls who can be exclusive with each other anyways!”

Kirsten raised her glass. "I'll drink to that. I know of a couple of good places downtown near campus where we could have a good time. They've got all sorts of clubs over there, and there are a few that cater to our crowd, if you catch my meaning."

I giggled. "You don't have to do all that hiding stuff around here. It's just us. It's not like we're going to run into anyone from town who’d be scandalized or anything."

"I know," Kirsten said. "I suppose I'm just getting some practice in. Eternal vigilance and all that."

I reached across the table and smacked her shoulder. "You're terrible.”

“I aim to please,” she said.

I giggled and we finished our dinner, with Kirsten telling me all about what she planned. In no time we were finished and back up in the hotel room getting changed for a night out. It was warm enough that I was able to wear something truly skimpy. I looked over to Kirsten and then down to the outfit I planned on wearing tonight. I blushed. I’d never worn anything this revealing around her.

Not because I didn't want to so much as because this was the sort of thing that would scandalize people back home and get me a reputation. Probably a reputation that would be almost as bad as what I could look forward to dealing with if anyone found out the truth about my sexual orientation.

Something that looked like it was coming out one way or another if Kirsten and I kept going. Surprisingly that thought held less terror and more anticipation every time it ran through my head.

I surveyed the outfit which was safely tucked away in my bag where Kirsten couldn’t see it. I could put the thing away and wear something more modest. She’d never know.

I’d know, though, and I very much wanted to wear this for Kirsten tonight. I wanted to show off. I wanted to go a little wild in a way that I hadn't been able to except for the privacy of her apartment and when we went out into the fields. Tonight was a night to have fun and live life. A night to go out and live like I had back when I was still in school.

"What's wrong?" Kirsten asked as she stripped down to her bra and panties.

God that was a sight that I’d never get tired of, but at the same time I didn't want to change in front of her. Maybe it was some lingering small town modesty. Most of it was that I wanted my outfit to be a surprise, though, and so I excused myself.

"I think I'm going to go into the bathroom to change," I said.

"Are you serious? After everything we've done together?" Kirsten asked.

"Well I'm afraid that if we both stripped down to practically nothing then we’re going to have a lot of trouble getting out to do anything other than each other tonight," I said. "And besides, I want my outfit tonight to be a surprise!"

Kirsten rolled her eyes to let me know exactly what she thought of that, but she waved for me to go into the bathroom. And so I smiled and ducked in there. Closed the door and looked at myself in the mirror as I stripped down to absolutely nothing and glanced nervously at that black lacy number I’d packed at the bottom of my bag earlier in the day.

I pulled on the underwear first. A black lace number. The top was strapless and I thought it looked rather nice on me. The bottom was a patch of almost see-through material in the front and a thong in the back. Definitely a lot more risqué than anything I ever wore when I was in town, but again this was a time to forget about modesty and have fun.

Next was a pair of shorts so tight that it almost looked like they were painted on. I did a quick twirl in the mirror and I liked what I saw. I know it was maybe a little conceited, but I figured I looked good. There was no harm in looking at my reflection and liking what I saw there. Especially if I knew that Kirsten was really going to like it!

Next I pulled on a tube top that also felt almost painted on. The bra worked nicely to elevate everything and I thought it looked pretty damn good even if I did say so myself.

I looked myself over one last time. Yeah, this was an outfit to die for. This was an outfit to rival some of the sluttiest things I'd ever worn when I was in college. And somehow wearing this outfit made me feel free. It made me feel like the old me. I felt like I was free from the worries of my mom finding out and freaking out. I was free from the worries of assholes like Pastor Dan getting upset about my lifestyle which should be none of his damn business to begin with.

Yeah, he could go fuck himself. Everyone who'd ever made me doubt myself could go fuck themselves. I was in a relationship with Kirsten. I was hers. She was mine. And that was something worth fighting for. I just hoped that this sudden resolve would last when I got back home. I hoped I wouldn't falter the next time I saw that asshole on the street.

But I could worry about that later. It's not like any of that was going to be a worry tonight.

"No, tonight tonight for having fun Savannah," I told the reflection in the mirror. That reflection smiled back and there wasn’t a trace of a blush for a change.

I took a deep breath. Turned and opened the door. Stepped out into the room and was gratified to see Kirsten staring. Her eyes went wide. I smiled. Definitely the reaction I was going for!

"Holy shit," Kirsten said.

"Could you say that again?" I asked.

"Holy fucking shit! You're fucking hot Savannah!"

"I put my hands on my hips. "And what was I before? Chopped liver or something?"

Kirsten shook her head and giggled. "You know what I mean. I've never seen you in something that hot!"

"Well you're seeing me in it now!" I said.

I did a little twirl just so she could get the full effect. I looked damn good, and I wanted to make sure she knew just how damn good I looked. I felt damn good looking this damn good, too.

"So what prompted you to dress like that?" Kirsten asked.

"Were not back home. It's not like I have to worry about anyone being scandalized by what I wear out here. So I figured why not have a little fun?"

"That's definitely more than a little fun Savannah!" Kirsten said.

I winked and pulled my tube top down just enough to show the barest hint of black lace.

"If you think this outfit is fun now, wait until later tonight!"

"Are you sure we have to go out tonight?" Kirsten asked, a pout coming to her face.

"Yes!"

I moved across the room and grabbed her hand. Practically dragged her to the door. The entire time she was pawing at me. She was worse than a teenage boy, and I’d been with a couple before I realized that what they were offering wasn't for me.

"Come on," I said. "The night is young. We can get to that later. Besides, the faster you get me to the clubs the faster you can grind up against this!"

I didn't need to say anything else. Kirsten was running ahead of me suddenly. I smiled. Tonight was going to be fun.

15: Dance

I took in a deep breath as we stepped onto the familiar old street. I figured just about every college town in the world had a street just like it. A place where all of the partying and revelry went down.

A place where that partying and revelry could be conveniently isolated from the rest of the community. This was that street from my university experience, and coming back here after so many years felt good. There were many streets just like it, but this one was mine, damn it.

Yeah, coming back here, seeing the sights and taking everything in after a couple of years away felt damn good.

"Do you need a moment alone?" Savannah asked.

I reached out and took her hand. "Nothing of the sort. Just enjoying the sights and sounds and smells again. It's been a while."

Savannah shook her head as she looked down the street. Off in front of us a group of drunks stumbled off the street causing a taxi to honk as tires screeched. Ah the sights and sounds of home. My true home. The place I worked just felt like, well, the place I worked in comparison.

"To be honest I never came through here all that often when I was in school,” Savannah said.

I glanced at her askance. "That's a damn shame. Why wouldn't you?"

"Well remember that you went to grad school as well. By the time I was old enough to go to the bars I only had another year and a half left at school, and I was so busy trying to get my degree that I didn’t have much time for partying."

"Well you sure as hell need to make up for lost time now!" I said.

I pulled her down the street. There were a couple of clubs in particular that I had in mind. Places where I'd had some very good times back in the day.

Sure I'd also gone to the usual non-alcoholic stuff. The LGBT Society and things like that where everyone sat around talking about how great it was to be gay while trying their damndest to get laid, but I always enjoyed coming here and letting loose.

People were more honest about the whole trying to get laid thing here. It seemed somehow more pure. It also went against the quiet librarian image I’d cultivated ever since getting back home.

"So if you didn't come down here that often then how did you meet girls?"

Savannah shrugged. "I was in the nursing program."

I nodded in understanding. "Talk about a target rich environment." Then I nudged her in the shoulder. "Probably a good thing you went into nursing! I guess that's the perfect thing for…"

Savannah looked down and frowned and I wanted to smack myself upside the head a couple of times. Damn it. Why did I always do this? Why did I always remind her of things that it would be best not to remind her of?

Finally she looked at me and smiled. "It's okay," she said. "I know you didn't mean it. Besides, I always enjoyed helping people. The whole nursing thing seemed like a good way to help people and make a good living at the same time."

"So why don't you have a job in town then? I'd think you could pretty much write your own ticket there."

She shrugged. "Taking care of my mom is more important, and it's not like I actually needed the money or anything."

That sounded like an invitation for a change of subject. An invitation I was more than happy to take, for that matter. The longer we talked about something that came so close to her mom being sick the more opportunity I had to put my foot firmly in mouth again.

I was frustratingly good at that sometimes.

"How about we stop talking about all this serious stuff. We’re supposed to have fun tonight," I said. And so I pulled her along. She smiled and allowed herself to be pulled along. Good.

As we walked I turned and gave her a sly look. "So what was that like being a smack dab in the middle of the nursing program like that? I was always in awe of the hotties I saw on that part of campus. No offense to the English department, but…"

Savannah shrugged. "There was plenty of fun to be had. Lots of flings with girls who were interested in one night stands and maybe exploring a little bit, but never anything too terribly serious."

I smiled at the memories that conjured up. I'd also gone through my phase when I'd been more than willing to help straight girls who were in the mood to do a bit of exploring, though that inevitably led to me being frustrated when those girls were only interested in experimenting and nothing more serious.

"So did the novelty of being an experimental phase ever wear off for you?"

Savannah rolled her eyes and groaned. "God yes it did! At first it was awesome being at a party mentioning I was a lesbian and suddenly I was drowning in girls throwing themselves at me after a few drinks, but it got old."

"Did you ever have any crazies who got mad at you after they slept with you?"

"There were a couple like that. I always pointed out that they were the ones who hopped in bed with me. It’s not like I forced them to do anything. It's not like I ever held a girl down and… Well, I'm sure you know where I’m going with this."

"Boy do I know," I replied.

We rounded the corner and headed down one of the side streets. The gay and lesbian clubs were all off in their own location. Easier for everyone to find them. Though there’d probably been a time when the reasons they were all gathered in one spot were more sinister than being easily found. I'm sure the location was a holdover from the bad old days days when locals didn't want that kind of business on the main drag.

Something told me these days it wouldn’t be an issue if one of the clubs relocated to the main drag. It's just that at this point it was tradition.

And as we turned the corner I saw something that made my blood chill. Damn it. Not here. Not now. Not tonight of all fucking nights.

"What are those people doing?" Savannah asked.

There was a small group of people setting up across the street and down a little ways from us. One person was working on a microphone and had a speaker attached. I shook my head.

"We can’t get away from them no matter how far we go," I said.

"Let me guess, religious nuts?" Savannah asked.

"Something like that. If you go talk to them they'll say they love the sinner but not the sin. All that bullshit. The upshot is they sit there with their PA equipment and shout at us about how we’re all going to hell."

"Well they can go to hell," Savannah said.

I turned and looked her up and down. "Why Savannah. That almost sounded like you were standing up to those types."

She shrugged. "Like you said, I'm going to have to learn how to do it someday. Why not start now?"

I felt a slight change in her direction. As though she was about to head off towards the people setting up that PA equipment. It was still early enough in the evening that they didn’t exactly have a full group, but I really didn't want to get in an altercation in the street. I glanced over to the corner opposite us where there were a couple of cops standing looking at the religious nutters with disapproval.

Now that was a welcome change. I could remember a time when I first started coming down here that the cops would be looking at everyone having a good time with disapproval rather than the people exercising their First Amendment rights to be huge assholes on public property.

"Whoa there Savannah," I said. "You don't want to start anything with them," I said.

Savannah stared at them with fire in her eyes for a moment longer, but then the tension drained from her. Damn. When I talked about her standing up for herself I hadn't meant that she should go and start trouble with people.

I wondered what sort of monster I'd created. I wondered if the monster would come out when we were back home, for that matter. I figured there was a big difference between confronting some random assholes and confronting the man who’d terrorized her at a young age and left her with some serious emotional scars.

"I suppose you're right," Savannah said. "Let's go have some fun. Fuck those assholes!"

"To be perfectly honest I think it's fucking assholes that has them so annoyed in the first place," I said.

Savannah fixed me with a flat stare. "Did you really just say that?"

I blushed. "Okay, so maybe that was a cheesy line."

"You seem to be fond of those," she said.

"Whatever. Let's go dance and have a good time."

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Savannah said.

I pulled Savannah down to a club that catered to mostly women. We stepped inside and I felt at home almost immediately.

"Kirsten? Is that you?" Someone said from beside me.

I turned and smiled at Lily. Though her name was a little misleading. She was built like a brick house, and as a result she was one of the best bouncers at any of the clubs in this part of town. It was also damn good to see her.

"Oh my God, Lily!" I squealed. "How the hell have you been?"

"Forget that. Who's this and where did you find her?" Lily asked.

She gave Savannah one hell of a once over. The sort of once over that might've made me feel jealous once upon a time, but I just enjoyed it now. Savannah was a lot of fun to look over in that outfit. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen her in back home and I loved it. Yeah, I figured it was a compliment if someone was checking out my girl.

My girl. I felt tingly all over just saying that. Damn. She was all mine, and I felt so lucky. As long as she was mine any and all extraneous bullshit didn't matter. We’d figure it out.

"This is Savannah. My girlfriend," I said.

Again I felt warmth running through me at those words. Savannah. My girlfriend. It sent a shiver running through me, and we weren't even touching.

"Nice to meet you Savannah," Lily said. "You've got yourself a special girl here!"

"Aw shucks Lily," I said in my best self-deprecating voice.

"Go on," Lily said, waving us in. "I know you're probably eager to get out on the dance floor with her."

"You know it!"

Lily waved us through. We stepped in and the music assaulted me. I felt like I was home. I'd had so many good times here, and it felt like nothing had changed. Of course that was deliberate. A big part of the owner’s business strategy was keeping everything as close to original as possible so everyone got hit with nostalgia when they inevitably came back.

Well, I had to admit it was working. I hadn't understood at the time the whole nostalgia strategy was explained to me by a slightly tipsy owner behind the bar trying to convince me to come up and see the apartment she had over the place. Back then I couldn't conceive of a time when I would be graduated and out of school. Now, though, I was being hit with one hell of a nostalgiagasm.

"So are we getting a drink?" Savannah shouted.

I shrugged. "A drink sounds good."

So we made our way over to the bar, and from there we headed out to the dance floor where I played the age old game of balancing my drink while at the same time trying to dance. It was made particularly difficult because Savannah was so very distracting. Distracting to the point that I very nearly lost my booze on a couple of occasions.

"Watch out!" Savannah shouted. "You're going to soak me!"

I leaned in. "You mean I haven't already?"

Savannah turned and fixed me with a look that clearly said "are you fucking kidding me?" I fixed her with my best smile. If she was going to be with me then she was going to have to get used to cheesy lines. She inspired them in me for some reason.

I moved up close to her. Pressed my body against hers. Enjoyed the feel of her.

It was funny. I'd explored her on so many occasions when she was wearing a hell of a lot less than this, but there was something about seeing her dressed like this for the first time that really got me going. I was dizzy with desire. I almost wanted to go back to the hotel, but that would ruin some of the fun.

And so I enjoyed running my hands all over her. Enjoyed her turning around and running her hands all over me.

It was a delicious distraction that had me completely losing track of time. Several songs went by and my drink went lower and lower as our sweaty bodies pressed together. When I finally realized that I was coming up empty on my drink I looked around.

The place had filled up in the meantime. I had a good buzz going, they always made things strong at this place, and Savannah was giving me a look that I could only describe as "bedroom eyes." It was the kind of look that made me want to get back to our hotel, and I wanted to be back there a half hour ago.

I leaned in. "What do you say we go back to my place?"

Savannah didn't smile. No, she just looked at me with her eyes lidded and leaned in closer.

"I thought you'd never ask!"

"Hey, you were the one who said you wanted to go out tonight," I said. "Remember I was more than happy to stay back at the hotel."

"Well I need to be back at the hotel with you now!" Savannah said.

She grabbed me and pulled me along out of the club almost as quickly as she'd tried to yank me out of the hotel earlier when I suggested we stay in for the night. I smiled and allowed myself to be dragged along.

We brushed past Lily who smiled and waved, but she didn’t stop us for conversation this time around. She seemed pretty busy with girls from semi-drunk to sloshed trying to get in. Besides, she could probably tell we were women on a mission. She was probably more than used to seeing women on that very same mission all the time working at the front of this particular club.

We stepped out into the night where I heard yelling that had nothing to do with having a good time.

"God loves you, but hates your sin! You still have time to repent and avoid hell!"

A chill ran through me that had nothing to do with anything I'd done with Savannah out on the dance floor, though some of those moves were certainly shiver worthy. I squeezed my eyes shut. That voice. Why did it have to be that voice?

Savannah reached out and grabbed my hand. Held it tight. So tight that it was almost painful.

"Kirsten, is it that…"

I opened my eyes. Stared down the street to where the usual gang of protesters was out trying to ruin everybody's night. I'd never given them much thought before. I'd usually been too drunk to give a shit about them. I'd certainly been too drunk to really look at who was down there shouting.

Only now the voice shouting at us was a voice that I recognized all too well. It was none other than Pastor Dan spewing his unique hate fueled brand of godly love. What the hell was he doing here?

"Damn it," Savannah said. "Even when I go to the city to get away from that guy he's right there! It's not fair!"

I reached out and took her hand. "It's okay. We can just walk down the other side of the street and avoid him. You don’t have to talk to that prick."

I pulled on Savannah's hand. The last thing I wanted was to deal with him here. Especially with those cops just down the street. Our last encounter was still very much at the forefront of my imagination and I had a strong feeling that getting into a fight here would lead to a lot more trouble than back home where everybody knew everybody and charges were less likely to be filed.

Only I was yanked back as I tried to pull Savannah away. I looked down in surprise. Savannah wasn't budging. She had a determined look on her face. I felt a mixture of excitement and worry at that look. That was the look of a woman who was about to do something potentially stupid.

"Savannah…"

"No." she said, shaking her head. "Not here. He doesn’t come everywhere in my life and make me feel miserable. I'm not letting him push me around anymore."

She looked at me. "It's just like you said. I can't run from him forever. Maybe it took tonight, took that conversation we had earlier, for me to realize that I’m letting him hold me back from happiness every time I let him treat me like crap."

And with that she pulled away from me and took off down the street. Right for the people with their loudspeakers and Pastor Dan in particular who was shouting at people at the top of his lungs even though he had a PA system to amplify his voice.

Damn it. What had I gotten us into with that pep talk earlier?

16: Standing Up

I was seeing red. It was the only way to describe it. I was absolutely furious.

Here I was out of town. Here I was trying to enjoy an evening of fun with Kirsten. Here I was trying to get away from exactly the sort of hate that Pastor Dan was constantly spewing, and yet the asshole had followed me out here.

The only thought that ran through my mind as I looked at him was "how dare he?"

Seriously. It was bad enough that the guy turned my life into a living hell when I was a teenager. It was bad enough that he thought he still had to make me miserable in the here and now whenever he saw me around town. It was bad enough that he was doing his best to make me feel like shit for daring to fall in love with Kirsten.

Well I'd had a revelation earlier tonight. I wasn't putting up with his bullshit. I'd worried that I might fold as soon as I faced him down back home, but there was one crucial difference between that imagined scenario and what was happening now.

I wasn't home. I felt like I could do whatever I wanted here. Even if it was a little stupid.

"Savannah, seriously," Kirsten said. "It's not a big deal! You don't have to do this."

I stopped. Turned to look at her. Looked her up and down. God she was beautiful. She was everything I'd wanted in my life, and I hadn't realized how much I needed it until I met her. She was the whole package, and that whole package was being threatened by assholes like pastor Dan.

Well fuck him.

"No, you were right. I really do have to do this," I said.

"But…"

I reached out and put a finger on her lips. She looked down, going cross eyed, and then smiled.

"Are you sure?" she asked. “You don’t have to do this because of me.”

"I'm positive," I said. "Now let's go tell off that asshole once and for all!"

It was weird. It was almost like our roles had been reversed here in the city. Well that was just fine with me. Something had changed inside me. And it was time to show the world. Where in this case "the world" was narrowly defined as pastor Dan.

I walked up and he continued spewing his hate. "I understand the struggle you're going through. Everyone struggles with sin, but you don't have to. Jesus can…

He stopped. Seemed to realize someone was approaching him for what was probably the first time since he started pulling this crap. He turned and looked, a welcoming smile on his face. I wanted to laugh. As though anyone coming down to this part of the student party zone would ever be interested in anything he had to say.

Well it was time to show him that his wasn't the only voice out there.

His welcoming smile turned to a vicious frown as soon as he realized exactly who he was looking at. Oh yes. The snake was back. He was very good at changing very quickly when he realized he wasn’t getting his way. That someone didn’t agree with his unique brand of “love.” I wanted to reach out and smack him, but I resisted the urge. Which should’ve earned me some sort of fucking medal or something.

It was a strong urge.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I could ask the same of you," I said. "You're the one who isn’t welcome here."

His sneer turned to a self-satisfied smile. He looked down to the police who were suddenly keeping a closer eye on us than they had before.

"Are you telling me I can't come here and protest this sinful lifestyle choice?"

"I can't tell you not to do that, but what I can tell you is you don't have any power over me. Not anymore," I said.

"What are you talking about?"

Confusion. Well that was different from the false sincerity and the anger that were his usual favorites.

"You're an asshole. You’re a snake. You're scum. Everything Kirsten said about you was true," I said.

The sneer was back in an instant. Oh yeah, he was very good at switching that on and off. I felt a shiver, almost as though the old me that was terrified of this man was returning, but I drew strength from knowing Kirsten was right here beside me. I was doing this as much for her as for me.

"You know I only do this out of love for you," he said. "The lifestyle you lead…"

"Is none of your goddamn business. I don't care what your God tells you, what you're preaching is hate. Plain and simple. And if you ever come after me again…"

The sneer turned into a laugh. "If I ever come after you again what? What are you going to do? I'm a pillar of the community. And don't think I'm not going to do anything now that I know the truth about you two. Everyone will know about this!"

His voice was getting louder and louder. Loud enough that his voice echoed down the street even though he wasn't using his microphone or the PA system any longer. People up and down the sidewalk were turning to look at him as he screamed at the two petite girls standing up to him.

Now that was one hell of an optic. The big bad pastor staring down at a couple of petite girls who were standing up to him. Talk about embarrassing for him. And it was obvious he could tell his act wasn't having any effect. I let him yell at me, let it roll over me, and for a wonder I didn't blush and turn away. No, I remained the same confident and powerful person I’d been when I started this.

Now it was time to end this.

"Fuck you pastor Dan," I said. "You don't have any power over us. You can say whatever the fuck you want, because neither one of us cares. Tell the world! I don't care!"

Now I was the one screaming. And that seemed to annoy him more than me standing up to him. That was also one hell of a change of plans considering Kirsten and I had worked things out nicely earlier in the evening and decided to keep things quiet.

Oops. I guess that wasn’t part of the plan now. I was so angry that it was all spilling out and I didn’t give a fuck, though a small part of me screamed that I might very much give a fuck later when anger wasn’t calling the shots anymore.

"You stupid bitch!" he shouted, the friendly veneer finally coming off completely. Spit flew from his mouth and his face was contorted in rage. Rage the likes of which I'd never seen on him before. Even when he discovered that I had a same-sex crush on one of his precious flock and made me absolutely miserable because he didn’t agree with that choice.

He raised his hand. He was actually going to hit me. It started to come down and I blacked out for a moment as all the pent-up rage I’d felt towards this man for so many years finally boiled over.

Pain. Pain was something I expected, though not in my knuckles of all places. What the hell?

I blinked. Looked at pastor Dan. He was holding his face for some reason. Why on earth was he holding his face like that?

He turned and looked at me, obviously still enraged, but there was something else to his face. He wasn't just purple because of rage. No, there was one hell of a shiner developing around his left eye. I stared in fascination. How did that get there?

Then that pain connecting to my brain in a sort of disembodied way roared to life in one hell of a major way. It was as though my knuckles were on fire. I cried out as I looked down and shook my hand.

Holy hell. Did I just punch out pastor Dan? Well, if I did he deserved it. And it felt damn good. I didn’t even feel guilty for thinking that. There was something that felt righteous and right about punching him when he was trying to hit me. I wondered if this was the sort of high he got when he was casting judgment on people.

"Are you okay?" Kirsten asked.

I wiggled my fingers. I knew it was pretty easy to break things when you punched people. I'd seen it when I was working towards my degree. I didn’t have much experience punching people out personally, after all. But there didn't seem to be anything seriously out of order. I'd grown up on a farm, after all. I could be tough when I needed it.

And apparently I thought I needed to be tough now. Sure he’d raised his hand against me, but damn. I'd punched him out!

"You hit me! You assaulted me!" he screamed.

It was odd. Almost amusing. Pastor Dan didn't sound nearly as threatening now. No, he was still bellowing and upset, but it sounded more tame and pathetic now. He sounded more pained than scary. I looked down at him and wondered how I could've ever been terrified by this man.

Of course I was still a little terrified about what he could potentially do when he got home. He could cause a hell of a lot of trouble for us. That worried part of my mind was roaring to the forefront now that the rage was starting to push back and pain and confusion were taking over. But at the same time there was still just enough rage doing the thinking that I didn't care all that much.

He could do his worst. He didn’t scare me anymore. I wouldn’t let him scare me anymore, damn it.

Pastor Dan turned on me with his hand balled into a fist and I wondered if he would really try to hit me again. Especially considering how poorly it ended for him the last time he tried me.

He held his fist in the air for a moment, but then his eyes went a little wider. He looked beyond me. I wondered if Kirsten was doing her best threatening routine behind me. I turned and gasped.

A massive crowd had gathered behind us, and none of them looked very happy. Everyone had been happy to let him go ahead and spew his hate as long as it was just empty words, but that seemed to come to an end as soon as he actually tried to lay hands on one of us.

I turned around. Smiled at him. "You're losing."

Those two simple words could encompass a whole hell of a lot, but in the moment I was referring to his attempt to hit me. Those two words were enough to distract him long enough for the cops to finally show up. They put a hand on his wrist and pulled him back before he could think about trying to land a punch. The other cop actually got out his cuffs and started putting them around pastor Dan's wrists.

He looked up at them in surprise. Some of that purple anger came back to his face, though it didn’t match the purple bruise welling up around his eye.

"What are you doing? She was the one who assaulted me!"

"Looked to me like you tried to hit this girl and she defended herself before you could land your punch," one of the cops said.

He looked up to me and winked, and I felt warmth running through me. This could've gone very badly for me, but it looked like it miraculously wasn't.

"Are you kidding me? All my friends saw her assault me!"

The cops both looked to the crowd gathered behind us. "And I'm willing to bet those nice people back there all saw you raise your hand at the girl and then she defended herself. Not to mention we caught the whole thing on our body cams."

Pastor Dan turned back and looked at us. There was pure hatred in his eyes, but there was something else there. Defeat. He was the one who tried to hit me first. It’s not like it was my fault I reacted like any good farm girl would when someone started trouble. What was I supposed to do? Let him hit me so I’d have a better self-defense case?

Not a chance in hell that was happening, thank you very much.

"Come on buddy," the first cop said. "I think it's time for you to come with us and cool down for the evening. Whaddya say?"

Meanwhile the other cop turned to the rest of the protesters from pastor Dan’s group. He surveyed them with a carefully neutral expression that made me think he didn’t particularly care for them even if he was good enough at his job to know he couldn’t do anything about them.

"You're welcome to stay here, but we're going to be leaving to take your buddy back to the station. You do what you want."

He looked over his shoulder to the angry crowd milling behind us. An angry crowd stirred up by one of their own bringing violence along with their words. I had to suppress a smile. Apparently the cop was good enough to know he couldn’t do anything about them, but he was also good enough to know what the implied threat of them not being around to do anything about that crowd meant.

A switch flipped. The protesters started very quickly packing their things up. It looked like the hate was done for this evening at least, though I had no doubt they’d be back on another night when tensions weren’t quite as high. It was obvious they were confident enough when they had the police right there to back them up, but apparently none of them wanted to risk the crowd gathering behind us without that protection.

The cop that had cuffed pastor Dan started pulling him along, but I reached out and grabbed his shoulder. He turned and looked at me. Raised an eyebrow.

"Hold on," I said.

I turned and looked at Kirsten. She smiled and nodded.

"Can I help you ma'am?" he asked. "We really did see him try to attack you. It's pretty open and shut. Even have it on the body cameras."

"Do you really have to take him in? Like what if I don't want to press charges or something?"

The entire time pastor Dan stared daggers at me. As though this was all somehow my fault. He was still pissed off at me even though I was trying to turn the other cheek. What did I do to this man to earn this irrational hatred?

The second cop leaned in close. Close enough that pastor Dan wouldn't be able to hear him.

"Don't worry," he said. "We're just going to give him some time to cool down and then let him go. Not like we can do much if you don’t want to make a big stink out of it anyways."

I giggled and shook my head. "Fine, if you promise."

"I promise," the cop said. "Though why you'd want to let him go without pressing charges…"

"What can I say?" I asked, loud enough that pastor Dan could hear me this time. "I guess I just know the value of mercy and grace a little better than some people."

Oh yeah. He didn't like that at all. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Kirsten smiling.

"My hero," she whispered.

I wrapped her in a hug. It felt good standing up to him like that. Kirsten had been absolutely correct. I should’ve done this a long time ago, though admittedly punching him was probably not the best way to stand up to him. Even if he had deserved it.

I pulled away and her grin got even wider.

"I seem to recall you wanted to go back to a hotel room?" she said, biting her lip in an oh-so-sexy attempt to look sweet and innocent when I knew in the very core of my being that she was anything but.

I grinned and glanced over to pastor Dan. He was still staring daggers at me even as the cops hauled him away. His friends had completely disappeared in the meantime. Damn. That was fast work getting all that equipment down and out.

"Yeah," I said. "How about we head back to the hotel and do the sort of things that would make that asshole cry?"

"Now you're talking!" Kirsten said.

She grabbed me by the hand and dragged me along the street, and I allowed myself to forget about my troubles and be swept away in the moment. Getting to punch out my childhood nemesis and see him hauled away in cuffs was only the start of tonight’s fun.

17: Cats, Bags, Etc.

I figured when we got back to the hotel we’d be up for a little bit of fun. I figured maybe Savannah would finally deliver on the promises made by that outfit that had been distracting me for so long. Only instead we fell into bed together and rather than getting hot and heavy we just kind of stared at each other in disbelief.

That went on for a little while before I finally broke the silence.

“So that whole thing was pretty interesting,” I said.

Savannah shook her head and giggled. “You were absolutely right. I should have done that a hell of a long time ago!”

I leaned in and gave her a kiss. Though surprisingly I didn’t feel the urge to climb on top of her. At least not too much. This seemed like a time of for talking and processing all the craziness that had just happened. Not a time for getting hot and heavy with each other.

“You know he’s going to make trouble for us when we get home,” I said.

Savannah sighed. This time there wasn’t any hand of a giggle. There was a something else there. Resignation? It was hard to tell.

I tried to imagine how she might feel. I could get an inkling. After all, I was the one trying to keep things a secret because of my job, but at the same time I really was telling the truth when I said she had a hell of a better reason for wanting to keep her own secrets.

“Yeah, what I did tonight was kind of stupid. It’s going to force our hand,” she said. She looked at me and there were tears welling up in her eyes. “I’m so sorry Kirsten.”

I leaned in and wiped some of those tears away. I hated seeing her like that. Still, it was better seeing her like this than seeing her afraid. Crying was something I could deal with. Something I could help with. Her retreating in on herself every time she saw pastor Dan was a harder nut to crack, though. That fear was her own demon. One that she’d exorcised good and proper tonight with one hell of a right hook.

“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for Savannah,” I said. “I was the one who told you that you needed to stand up to that asshat. Granted I didn’t think we’d run into him tonight. Or that you’d stand up to him in quite such a spectacular fashion… But still.”

“I know,” Savannah said. “But we’d just put together this whole plan. We were both in a good place. At least I thought we were. And now I’ve taken that good safe plan and thrown it out the window.”

I shrugged. “We figured out a way to make things work earlier. We’ll figure out a way to make things work now. What else can we do?”

“We could just run away together? Go to a part of the country where nobody knows us!”

I stared at Savannah. A long, flat stare. Finally after a moment she blushed, that cute blush that I was so intimately familiar with, and turned away from me.

“Okay, so maybe that’s a stupid idea.”

“Very stupid. We can’t just run away from our problems like that. Especially since that sort of problem is going to follow us everywhere short of moving to San Francisco or New York or Seattle, and neither one of us can afford that.”

Savannah laughed. “Yeah, I suppose you have a point.”

“Besides, who would take care of your mom, for starters?”

“I already admitted you’re right,” she said, just a hint of testiness coming to her voice. “So what do we do about this?”

“Invent a time machine and go back and maybe not have you punch out the pastor who’s going to go and blab to everybody now?” I paused for a moment. “Actually, maybe we shouldn’t do that. Even if time travel was possible, I still feel like that guy deserved everything he got tonight. Besides, we’d be better off saving JFK or giving our past selves a book of sports results so we can get rich or something.”

“There’s nothing for it,” Savannah said, sounding resigned. Though there was also something else there. A hint of anticipation. Very interesting.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“We’re going to have to come out. Again.”

I blinked in surprise. Stared at Savannah. Looked into her eyes.

“Are you serious?”

“Well you’re the one who said you didn’t care about your job, right?”

I paused. I needed to pick my words carefully. After all, that wasn’t exactly what I’d said. I just said that she stood to lose a lot more than I did. That wasn’t necessarily to say that I thought I didn’t have anything to lose. Just that I didn’t have quite as much to lose. Maybe the inconvenience of a job search. That didn’t mean I necessarily wanted to go to the trouble of looking for another job if I didn’t have to.

I didn’t say any of that though. Now was a time to be supportive. Besides, this felt like one of those moments that needed to be seized. Even if things were moving way faster than I’d anticipated even a few hours ago.

“Well, I suppose you’re right,” I said.

“What if we started with baby steps?” she asked.

“What do you have in mind when you stay baby steps?”

“Maybe you tell Ethel? See how she reacts? If she reacts well then maybe that means the people on the library board won’t blow up or something,” she said. “Ethel’s about as old and set in her ways as you can get in that town even if she is a sweetheart about it.”

“Right,” I said. “And after I tell Ethel you can go and tell your mom. Those are some really tiny baby steps.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I probably should just go ahead and tell my mom, and damn the consequences.”

I blinked in surprise again. Okay then. I figured the sarcasm dripping from my voice would be pretty damn obvious. I wondered if she was being sarcastic right back at me. Was this some game she was playing? Only she looked absolutely serious. I figured the idea of telling her mom would terrify her as much as the idea of telling Ethel worried me. But she looked so earnest.

“You’re serious,” I said.

“Well I said I wanted to be with you,” she said. “I suppose that means I should start telling people that we’re more than just friends. And I suppose that’s going to have to start with my mom.”

“What about all that stuff about worrying about how she might react?”

Savannah paused for a moment. It was obvious she was thinking things over. Not that I could blame her. There was a hell of a lot to think over. She looked away, and I gave her time to think and work through things. Finally she looked back and smiled.

“I have a feeling that based on a few things she said to me recently she might be more okay with it than I thought. Hell, I get the distinct feeling she might know more than I think she does, for that matter.”

I shrugged. “I suppose it’s your relationship with your mom. I’m just surprised that you would change your mind on this so quickly.

Savannah shrugged right back at me. “What can I say? This evening has changed my perspective on a few things. If you’re willing to stay in town just to be with me, why shouldn’t I be willing to tell people about how important you are to me?”

I couldn’t help myself. I leaned in and kissed her. The emotion of the moment was just too damn overwhelming. To hear her say that, to know that there was someone who thought that highly of me, that she was willing to risk the other important relationships in her life for a chance at our relationship, was almost too much for me.

When I finally pulled away and came up for air Savannah looked at me with obvious shock. Her chest heaved under me.

“Damn Kirsten! Where did that come from?”

“Let’s just say I was inspired,” I said.

“You still have to tell Ethel,” Savannah said.

I sighed. “I was hoping you might forget about that.”

“You’re a good kisser,” Savannah said. “But not that good.”

“I figured I could hope.”

“Well keep right on hoping.”

“So who are we going to tell first?” Savannah asked.

I leaned back. Laced my fingers together behind my head and stared up at the ceiling. Lights reflected off of the ceiling from the city outside. And I realized that I was so far removed from the worries of what might happen when we finally dropped the bomb in a couple of days that I didn’t care. No, all I cared about was that we were on a vacation together. We were enjoying each other.

And to be perfectly honest, I also felt a sense of relief knowing the truth was going to come out. Hiding and sneaking around after being out for so long when I was in college was exhausting. It reminded me of just how miserable life in the closet could be, even if it was only partially in the closet. I could understand completely that people had their own reasons for living that sort of life, but it wasn’t for me.

“How about we don’t worry about any of that right now? Sound like a deal?”

“That’s fine with me if it’s okay with you,” Savannah said. “I’ve been running away from this problem for so long that what’s another day or so?”

I grinned. “Now that’s the right idea!”

I felt like I could joke about this now that we’d made the decision to actually be truthful. Now that the decision had been made for us. Or, rather, now that the decision had been made by the aforementioned right hook that Savannah brought out of nowhere.

Savannah smiled. A wicked smile. The sort of smile that promised all sorts of forbidden delights.

“So if we’re not going to worry about the future, what are we going to do instead?”

I traced a finger down the length of her arm. I looked her up and down in that outfit that was oh so enticing and intoxicating. And some of the desire that had left me while we were busy having serious discussions about our future came roaring back.

“Oh I don’t know,” I said. “I’m sure there are a couple of things we could think of to pass the time. I haven’t gotten to see exactly what’s going on under this to top, for example,” I said.

Savannah bit her lip. God that was so sexy. She also blushed. A blush that ran down her face to her chest. A blush that was painfully obvious in that barely-there top.

“I think we could arrange a private showing if you were really interested,” Savannah said.

“I’d expect nothing less from my sexy girlfriend,” I replied.

That blush deepened. “You know I like the sound of that.”

“What? Giving me a private showing?”

“No, you calling me your girlfriend. It’s nice.”

I leaned in and kissed her. Pulled back. “You have no idea!”

And then I went back to kissing her. Quite thoroughly. And we didn’t stop for quite some time. I also finally got to see that underwear she’d been hinting at the entire evening, and it was everything I could have hoped for and so much more.

Yeah, there was plenty to distract me from the can of worms we’d negotiated our way out of earlier in the evening and then Savannah had punched our way right back into by the end of the night. Reality would come crashing back down around us soon enough, but for the moment it was just the two of us and everything was right in the world.

18: The Big One

“Are you sure we have to do this?” I asked.

I pulled into the driveway. The same gravel drive I’d pulled into countless times in my life. The sound of that gravel crunching under my tires was unique in its own way. It was familiar. It sounded like coming home.

And as I looked at the farmhouse off in the distance and knew my mother was in there waiting for us I felt terror at that sound. Terror that clenched at my stomach and made me want to turn around and go right back to the city. Compared to the prospect of facing my mom and letting her in on this secret I’d kept from her for so long the idea of going back to where I’d punched out pastor Dan seemed less terrifying.

“No, you don’t have to do this,” Kirsten said.

I looked at her. She was my rock in this singularly terrifying moment. I wondered why the hell I’d thought it was a good idea to go ahead and get everything out there. Now that I was here in the moment, now that I was about to give it all away after so much time trying to hide it, everything seemed a lot less simple than it had when I was in Kirsten’s arms in the city.

“I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to,” Kirsten said.

I breathed a sigh of relief, though oddly enough it was just relief knowing I wasn’t being forced into this.

“You’re right. I need to go through with this,” I said.

Kirsten blinked. “That’s not what I said at all, but I’m not going to stop you one way or another.”

“If I don’t tell her then word is going to get around. Pastor Dan is going to cause trouble somewhere. I just know it. There’s no hiding it from her this time around,” I said.

“Probably not,” Kirsten said. “And I’m going to go ahead and tell Ethel no matter what you decide to do.”

“I figured you were going to say something like that,” I said. I pulled the truck to a stop in front of the house. I’d insisted on driving home. I didn’t care what she said about my driving ability. I was a good driver, and there wasn’t anyone but me, and maybe mom, getting behind the wheel of my baby thank you very much.

“I suppose there’s nothing for it,” I said.

I saw a twitch near the front door and smiled. No doubt mom was already waiting there watching to see what was going on. And if I knew anything about my mom, if the inkling I had from what she’d said to me right before I left for this mini vacation with Kirsten was at all correct, she was looking to see if there was any sign Kirsten and I were an item.

To be perfectly honest it was the lingering suspicion I had that my mom had some lingering suspicions about what was going on between me and Kirsten that had me so willing to make this huge confession in the first place. What she’d said to me before we left, that she’d love me more than anything, sounded suspiciously like she suspected something.

Of course there were also far more pressing reasons to confess. There was the fact that Kirsten could see a future with me. Still, the knowledge that telling my mom might not result in a trip to the ER went a long way towards giving me the courage to just do it already.

I reached out and took Kirsten’s hand. Gave it a squeeze. I was hopeful and optimistic, but there was still very much the possibility that things could go wrong here.

“I want you to know that it’s you and me no matter what happens here,” I said.

Kirsten squeezed my hand right back. “I know. No need to even say anything.”

I took in a deep breath. Let it out in a long slow relaxation thing I tried whenever I was feeling antsy. I had a hell of a lot of reasons to feel antsy right now, let me tell you!

“I guess we should go ahead and to this, shouldn’t we?” I asked.

“Probably,” Kirsten said. “If we wait any longer then your mom is probably going to have a heart attack up there waiting on us to come up.”

I giggled. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

“So how do we do this? Are we holding hands on the walk up there or anything, or do you want to hold off on the big reveal?”

“My vote is to hold off on that stuff until we know for sure how she’s going to take this,” I said.

“Well your vote is the only one that matters, so let’s do this,” she said.

I pulled the door open and stepped out of the truck. I didn’t bother to gather any of the luggage or anything. That stuff could wait. It’s not like I had to worry about someone trying to steal it out of the back cab or anything all the way out here anyways. Except for the occasional meth cook looking for some fertilizer the robbers around here knew to ply their trade in town where they were less likely to run into someone angry with a shotgun.

I took the familiar steps up to the house. Everything was the same and yet different. I suppose the knowledge that all of this could very quickly show up in my rear view mirror for a good long while if my mom got pissed off about what I was about to tell her was putting it into sharp relief. I realized I was staring at everything as though this might be the last time I saw it. I felt like someone going off to war and not someone going to tell my mom a truth she might find slightly uncomfortable.

Nothing for it but to get on with business, though, and hope that my read on the situation was right.

The door opened before we even reached it. I didn’t have time to dig my keys out. Not that I thought the door would actually be locked. Mom tended to forget to lock them no matter how many times I told her to do it. Again, not locking doors was sort of an ingrained thing around here. That was something people did in the city. Not out in the middle of nowhere.

Mom positively beamed at us. Her eyes took both of us in and again I was left with the distinct feeling that she knew more than she was letting on.

“Savannah! So glad you’re back!” she said. “And it’s very nice to see you again too Kirsten. I hope the two of you had a good time in the city? No problems or anything?”

My eyes narrowed. Almost I thought she was letting on that she knew something. Almost I’d think she was being clever, but then again that was impossible. If she knew what happened between my right fist and pastor Dan’s left eye then she wouldn’t be reacting with a smile like this. No, she’d probably be yelling at me for fighting even if I was a grown woman.

“It was a pretty uneventful trip,” I lied. I desperately hoped that would be the last time I lied to her like that about something major ever.

“Well come in the two of you. I’m sure you’d like to relax after that long drive.”

“It was only a couple of hours,” Kirsten said. “Really not that bad at all.”

“Besides, I think we need to go into the living room and have a chat,” I said.

There it was. The die was cast. Going into the living room and having a chat would inevitably lead to confessions. The sort of confession that had butterflies doing one hell of a dance in my stomach. The kind of confession I’d been avoiding for so long.

I glanced at Kirsten and she gave me a supportive smile. This was the type of confession that needed to happen.

“Are you sure you don’t want to settle in? Maybe stretch your legs or something?”

“No mom, I’m sure,” I said. “This is something we need to talk about now. Something we’ve needed to talk about for a good long time.”

“Well if you insist. Are you sure you don’t want me to get you something from the kitchen first?”

“The last thing I want is for you to put yourself out on our account. Now go. Sit.”

Mom shuffled into the living room looking for all the world as though she was having trouble moving, but I didn’t believe that for a moment. No, she might have trouble catching her breath and she might be on oxygen most of the time, but I knew how fast she could move when she wanted to. I also knew that she could slow things down if she was irritated or looking for a bit of sympathy.

I grinned. “You can stop with the old and infirm routine mom. I know how fast you can move.”

She looked over her shoulder and shot me a glance that was pretty damn close to a glare, but I ignored it. She also smiled and started moving just a little faster, so mission accomplished even if she was glaring at me. Meanwhile Kirsten watched the whole exchange and shook her head with a smile of her own.

I suppose she was going to have to get used to my mom’s ways if she was going to be around on any sort of permanent basis. I desperately hoped she’d be around on a semi-permanent basis after this, but I wasn’t going to count any chickens before they hatched. After all, there was no telling how this was going to end. There was still very much a possibility that this whole thing might blow up and I’d end up spending the night at Kirsten’s apartment instead of at my own home.

Not that it would necessarily be a bad thing staying the night at Kirsten’s apartment finally, but the circumstances would certainly be less than ideal.

Mom sat on the couch and heaved a great sigh as though the act of sitting was one of the most difficult things she’d ever done. Then she peered at both of us in turn.

I took a seat on the chair across from her and for a surprise Kirsten moved over and sat next to me on the arm of that chair. It was big and fluffy and Kirsten was light, more than enough to hold her weight, but getting up close and personal in front of my mother still felt somehow wrong. I suppose old habits died hard. I was so used to pretending that we weren’t an item that something familiar like that was enough to send me into a momentary panic.

Only momentary, though. I forced myself under control. I took a couple of deep breaths.

“So what’s the big deal?” mom asked.

“Well I wanted to tell you…”

“That you and Kirsten are dating?”

“That me and Kirsten are… Wait. What?”

Kirsten’s hand had moved to my shoulder and it tightened at my mother’s words. Talk about a hell of a surprise! I looked at her and then to Kiersten, and the shock must’ve been plain on my face. Kirsten looked worried, but mom just threw her head back and positively cackled with glee.

“I knew it!” she said, pointing at me.

And then she did something that was very uncharacteristic for a person with her condition. Something that probably wasn’t a good idea given that condition, but knowing my mom she probably couldn’t resist. She stood and danced a little jig right there in front of us. Meanwhile Kirsten and I stood and stared in disbelief. Had she really just said that?

Eventually the exertion of doing that little dance finally got to her and she sat back down. She was breathing heavily, and the steady hiss of her oxygen filled the room along with her deep breaths. I gave her a rueful look and shook my head. She waved that away, though.

Yeah, she was pretty tired of me telling her what she could and couldn’t do. For that matter I was over telling her what she could and couldn’t do. If she wanted to exert herself to the point of exhaustion then that was her business.

Besides, there were far more pressing matters than her tendency to overdo it.

“How did you know?” I asked.

“Actually I’ve known for years. Ever since I got a call from that loony over at the Baptist Church,” she said. “I knew that thing with you and Tiffany would only end in tears, but I figured I had to let you make your own mistakes.”

Revelation upon revelation was crashing down around me. I blinked in astonishment. Tiffany. The loony could only be pastor Dan. The thing at the Baptist Church. The call.

A phone call. He actually called her. All these years I thought I’d gotten away with it, and now I find out that he’d been true to his nature and tried to stir things up between me and my mom. Just one more sin to add to the numerous sins that man had committed against me. And it made me feel better about connecting my right fist with his eye the night before, let me tell you.

“He called you?” I said.

“Sure did. Told me how my daughter was a harlot and a sinner and he never wanted to see you at his youth group again,” she said. “I gave him a piece of my mind that night, let me tell you. I figured after that he never would’ve bothered you again.”

I shook my head. “I wish you were right about that,” I said.

She leaned forward, and there was a predatory gleam in her eyes. It was the look of a mother bear getting ready to protect her cubs with tooth and claw. “He didn’t leave you alone after that?”

“Boy did he not leave her alone,” Kirsten grumbled.

“I’ll kill him,” mom said. It was a simple statement of fact. There was a man out there who’d attacked her daughter and he needed to be ended as a result. The fact that she was on oxygen wasn’t going to stop her from completing her mission.

I held up a hand to stop the revenge killings before they could really get started. No, there was no point getting into the middle of that right now. Especially when there were more pressing questions bothering me. Like why hadn’t she said something? So I figured I’d ask just that.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.

She frowned. “I figured I’d let you do things in your own time. I thought that asshole had probably already traumatized you enough, I never really approve of you going to those youth group things but I understood why you did, and I didn’t want to add to whatever angst you might’ve been feeling. I might be running out the clock now, but I still remember what it was like to be a teenage girl.”

I shook my head. Talk about a surprise. Not to mention it would’ve been nice to have a little bit of motherly support back then. Even if I would’ve been mortified to know that she knew my secret.

“Thanks, I think?”

She waved a hand. “Think nothing of it. So is this girl right in front of me the reason you finally decided to come clean?”

“Well that’s part of the reason,” Kirsten said.

I gave Kirsten a warning look, but it was already too late. Mom was a perceptive person, far more perceptive than I’d ever given her credit for, and there was no way she was going to miss that little exchange. She leaned forward again, that gleam back in her eyes. Only this time there was more curiosity than a protective urge lurking beneath the surface.

“What’s going on here?” she asked.

I sighed. Well, it seemed like the big reveal wasn’t as big as I thought it was, but there were still other things I could talk about that would no doubt scandalize my mother. Still, after she didn’t have the heart attack or a breakdown that resulted in an emergency room visit, well let’s just say I figured it was a little safer to tell her about some of the other things that had been going on in my life lately. Particularly the things that resulted in pastor Dan being carted away by the cops back in the city.

I launched into an explanation of everything that had happened. How pastor Dan had been on the warpath when it came to me and Kirsten. How he’d been threatening to make our lives a complete misery.

Mom laughed at that. “I’d like to see him try.”

I looked up at Kirsten. “Well there is the worry that he might get to somebody on the library board and…”

“And what?” mom asked.

“Well, some of them might not be as accepting as you are. You pretty much have to take me as I am. I’m your daughter, and I’m the one taking care of you for free.”

She rolled her eyes. I suppose I deserved it. Still, I couldn’t resist.

“You might be surprised. Some of the people on that library board might be a little more open-minded than you think. I know them all pretty well, after all.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do,” she said. “Don’t forget that some of those old-timers on the library board are about the same age as me. I went to school with a few of them. I think I even went on a couple of dates with the guy running the thing. Not a very good kisser, let me tell you.”

I shook my head. “Too much information, mom. Either way. It’s entirely possible that pastor Dan could make trouble for Kirsten if he wanted to.”

“Well I’d like to see him try,” my mom said.

I sat back. I felt a lot more relieved about everything than I had just twenty minutes ago. Confession was good for the soul. Especially when the confession was going as well as this one. Talk about unexpected. Well, sort of unexpected. There was that exchange before I left for the city with Kirsten, after all, that had me hoping things might go this well.

“So you knew about Tiffany?” I asked.

Mom laughed. “Of course I did. It was pretty obvious.”

“Was I really that bad?”

“I saw the way you were always mooning over her when she was over here. I know when someone has the hots for someone.”

“So why did you let her stay the night?”

Mom shook her head. “Because I also figured you’d be too terrified to make a move.”

“Mom!” I said with a blush.

It suddenly occurred to me that not only was I talking about my first major girl crush and how spectacularly it had failed, but I was talking about that girl crush in front of the woman I loved. A woman who might not take too kindly to hearing about the old competition, even if mom was right and there never had truly been any competition. There certainly wasn’t any competition now. I’d seen Tiffany lately, and talk about a hell of a case of wondering what the hell I’d been thinking back then.

Only I looked up at Kirsten and she was smiling with a twinkle in her eye. Definitely not getting upset hearing about the old girlfriend. Though Tiffany never even rose to the level of an old girlfriend really. More like a BFF that I desperately wanted to be more. And then it had all come crashing down when pastor Dan realized what was going on.

“Enough about the past,” my mom said. “Why don’t you introduce me to your girlfriend properly? No more of that sneaking around stuff and playing word games.”

“Was it that obvious?” I said.

I seemed to be repeating myself, but it was a question I had to ask. I thought I’d been so sneaky. So clever. And it turns out I’d been nothing of the sort.

Damn it.

“Honey, I’m your mother. Now enough acting surprised that I know your big secret. Why don’t you introduce me to this lovely girl the right way?”

I glanced up to Kirsten. Smiled. She gave my shoulder another encouraging squeeze. This really had gone far better than I ever would’ve imagined. I looked back to my mom.

“Okay then,” I said. “I never thought I’d say this, but… Mom. This is Kirsten. My girlfriend.”

Mom positively beamed as she looked between the two of us, and that beaming look filled me with a feeling of love and warmth that I never would’ve thought possible. It was such a relief to finally be out in the open. To have no more lies between the two of us.

“I can’t say how glad I am to finally truly make your acquaintance Kirsten,” mom said. She grinned. “Now why don’t you come with me? I have albums of embarrassing photos I’ve been saving for this day!”

I blushed and wished I could sink down into the couch as Kirsten hopped off the chair before I could think to grab at her. Damn it. I should’ve known today was going far too well and something was going to happen to ruin it all.

19: Good for the Soul

“Are you sure we have to do this?” I asked.

Savannah swung back and forth in the chair in front of my desk. She fixed me with a smirk.

“No, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she said.

I stuck my tongue out at her and flipped her the bird for good measure. I didn’t miss how she’d just taken what I told her when she was getting psyched up to break the news to her mom and flipped it around on me.

That whole heartfelt confession thing had gone a hell of a lot better than I thought it would. I figured there’d at least be a little bit of waterworks or maybe some wailing and gnashing of teeth. At the very least I thought her mom might be a little angry at her for keeping a secret for so long even if she wasn’t upset about the whole gay thing.

Still, dear old mom knowing everything about everything was still a bit of a surprise. It sure as hell had stunned me!

“I get the point,” I said. “I just wish this wasn’t so damn hard.”

Savannah’s eyebrows rose. “So damn hard? Are you seriously saying that after what I did with my mom?”

“Maybe I am?” I said.

It sounded weak even as I said it. She’d risked a hell of a lot more than I was risking, after all.

There was a knock on my office door. This was it. That knock sounded like a pounding. Though it was just a slight knock that Ethel used whenever she was trying to get my attention.

“Come in Ethel,” I said.

She stepped in and glanced between Savannah and me. It was a neutral glance. If she thought it was odd that she I was asking her in here and keeping Savannah around then she didn’t say anything. No, she just moved to stand by my desk.

“How can I help you?” she asked.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never. It was almost too bad that telling my parents hadn’t been the big drawn out thing it was with Savannah’s mom. No, they’d known about my situation for quite some time. They were just happy to meet Savannah.

It wasn’t even the first time I’d brought a girlfriend home to them, though those instances had been few and far between. Very few of my girlfriends had lasted long enough to even really be called girlfriends, let alone get to the point where I wanted to take them home. The few who had been around long enough to come home with me for a holiday or something usually weren’t interested in visiting small-town America.

Not that I could fault them for that, considering all the trouble I’d gotten myself into since moving home.

“I wanted to tell you something that’s not exactly work-related Ethel,” I said.

Ethel arched an eyebrow. “Not work-related?”

“Well, not exactly work-related, but it’s something serious I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for a while now,” I said.

Whatever reaction I might have expected from her, what she actually did was the last thing I thought would happen. Her eyes went wide with pure panic. Okay then.

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

I blinked. And for a moment I thought she knew what I was about to tell her, and she was telling me that she was sorry I was in a relationship with Savannah. Or maybe she was sorry I was gay.

Either way, there was a moment of panic on my end that I very quickly clamped down on. I was being ridiculous. That couldn’t possibly be what she was talking about. But that left me wondering what the hell she was going on about.

“Is something wrong Ethel?”

“I swear I just printed off a few recipes. I didn’t do all that much. Well maybe a few pages every couple of days, but that’s not enough to go to the board over or anything. I can pay it back, I promise.”

I frowned. “Ethel? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Well printing things off costs ten cents a page here,” she said. “I figured it wouldn’t hurt if I did it here and there, but I probably print off a dollar’s worth of stuff on a weekly basis, at least.”

I stared at Ethel for a long moment. A smile threatened at the corner of my mouth. Was she really going on about stealing paper? Seriously? I couldn’t help myself. That quirk at the edges of my mouth turned into a full-blown smile. That full-blown smile then rapidly devolved into uncontrollable laughter.

Ethel sniffed. “I don’t think this is that funny. Here I’m terrified for my job and you’re laughing!”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “That’s just so ridiculous. You’re worried about printing some things off on the library’s dime? Did you use your library computer or something?”

“Well, yes.”

I waved a dismissive hand. “Then I don’t really care. Why should I? You can do what you want!”

“Well I thought you might be…”

“Ethel, you really are ridiculous sometimes. But in a good way. I mean that.”

The whole thing was just so damned cute. She seemed genuinely worried that I was going to fire her over printing off pages. Even the library board, as up their asses as they could be from time to time when it came to cost, weren’t that bad.

At least I didn’t think they were. I might keep Ethel’s recipe printing to myself, come to think of it. Sure she’d been here forever, but I figured better safe than sorry.

She sniffed again. “You don’t have to go insulting me.”

“Trust me,” I said. “That wasn’t meant as an insult at all.”

“Well I thought you might be upset seeing as how the library board can get awfully persnickety when we waste resources and all that, though if you ask me…”

I held up a hand to stop her again. For a wonder she actually stopped talking. I wondered what I’d done that it actually worked this time around. Absolutely nothing like the usual torrent of words that only ended when I managed to escape into my office.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with using the printer for personal business Ethel,” I said. “Though it does have to do with something the library board might not exactly approve of…”

“What are you talking about? Are you in trouble? I can try and help you…”

I smiled. I couldn’t help myself. Here Ethel didn’t even know what was going on and she wanted to help. Talk about reassuring and kind of cute. I wondered if Savannah felt the same way when her mom surprised her with a whole lot of love rather than the heat she was expecting.

“Actually I wanted to talk to you about me and Savannah,” I said.

Ethel looked between the two of us. “What? You mean your relationship? Are you finally coming clean then?”

I blinked. I felt stunned. I wondered if this is how Savannah felt yesterday when we did this with her mom. Ethel knowing about our relationship was the last thing I expected to hear from her.

“You knew?” I asked.

Ethel shook her head and smiled. “My dear Kirsten. Of course I knew. After all I’m the one who set you up in the first place.”

“Set us up? What are you talking about?”

Ethel sighed a long-suffering sigh of a woman who’d been on this planet for a hell of a long time and was frustrated with kids and their refusal to see the world for what it was.

She put her hands on her hips and regarded me over her glasses with a stern look that I’d come to recognize in my time working here. It was a look that made me feel like a child being reprimanded by the stern librarian even though I was the stern librarian now. Not to mention I’d never done anything worth getting reprimanded over in my younger years.

That look reminded me Ethel wasn’t somebody I wanted to cross, even if I was technically the one in charge.

“Are you dense? I’m the one who told Savannah to go back and meet you. I was the one who suggested you two go out to lunch together. I had a feeling about the two of you. Looks like I was right, too.”

I stared at her in stunned silence. What else could I do? After all, she’d just dropped one hell of a bombshell on both of us.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I figured with the way the two of you were sneaking around you had your reasons for wanting privacy, though if it’s because you’re worried about your job or the board you needn’t have bothered with any of that sneaking.”

I paused for a moment. I had to go through this carefully. Parse everything to make sure I understood exactly what she was saying. After all, I still felt like I was walking through a potential. I needed to be careful.

In the end I came up blank though. Best to just ask her outright what she meant.

“What are you talking about Ethel?”

“Well I already told everybody on the library board about your new relationship. It was too cute not to,” she said.

The stunning hits just kept coming. I felt panic. I felt terror. I felt something clenching at my chest. Was she serious? Was this really happening? All that time trying to keep things under wraps and here she was spilling secrets I thought I’d kept pretty damn secret from the entire world!

“Exactly how long have you known about us?”

“Well since the first day you two met, of course. You were being so cute making googly eyes at each other. I think that was the first time I told Harold all about it. You two were just so cute the way you were sneaking around.”

Harold. The head of the library board. I felt queasy. Judging from the way Savannah was looking at me it was pretty obvious that I wasn’t doing so hot.

“You told the head of the library board that I was in a lesbian relationship? That I was gay?”

“Well of course I did. You wouldn’t be acting that cute about another girl if you weren’t, right? And it turns out I was right!”

Ethel was positively beaming. And yet I wanted to reach down to my desk and toss something at her. Something that wouldn’t do much damage, but still. The urge was there.

And yet at the same time I felt something different. Relief. The secret was out, and I wasn’t fired. In fact he hadn’t said anything at all, and if Ethel had said something when Savannah and I first got together then that meant they’d known about my secret relationship for several months and hadn’t done anything about it.

If that wasn’t a positive sign then I didn’t know what was.

“So they don’t care?”

Ethel waved a dismissive hand. “Not at all. Harold doesn’t care, at least. If any of the others do care, well they know enough not to say anything about it.”

“What are you talking about?”

Ethel gave me another one of those long-suffering looks. One of those looks that made me feel like I was a child she’d just caught running between the stacks. Ethel could be absolute murder on kids she found running through the stacks. Particularly if they didn’t have the added protection of being in the children’s section where she was more inclined towards cutting slack.

“You don’t know?”

“No, I don’t know,” I said.

Ethel shook her head. I got the distinct feeling that she was more disappointed in me than anything else. Another trick she used with wayward children who weren’t acting in a way she thought was appropriate in the library. She ran the place with an iron fist usually, where I tended to have a lighter touch. Though I figured maybe I could learn something from her bedside manner.

“Don’t you pay any attention to the laws in this state?”

“I… Um… I guess not?”

Ethel’s eyes rolled to the heavens and she muttered something under her breath that sounded almost like a prayer about suffering fools. Again that urge to toss something at her, maybe some paperclips or something, came and went. I kept it under control.

“You’re telling me you haven’t been paying attention to some of the wrangling going on down in the capital?”

“Well I’ve been kind of busy these past couple of years working on getting my degree,” I said.

“And I was busy with my mom,” Savannah said.

That finally got Ethel to pull a chair out. Though she picked one that stayed firmly still. None of the constant rotating back and forth that Savannah was pulling which was distracting. Particularly because it was Savannah who was making that movement, and it was causing her to move in some very interesting ways despite being something as innocuous as a swinging back and forth in an office chair.

“Maybe I should explain a couple of things to the two of you,” Ethel said. “Particularly since it seems you can’t be bothered to take an interest in current affairs.”

“Go ahead,” I said. “I’m all ears.”

Ethel sighed. “Remember a couple of years ago when the state tried to pass that religious freedom bill and it caused all of that backlash?”

“I guess I remember something about that,” I said.

It was hard not to remember those annoying couple of months, though it hadn’t been annoying for me in the same way that it was annoying for everyone else. At the time people were always telling me I should take more of an interest in politics, though to be perfectly honest I couldn’t be bothered.

I’d been telling the truth when I said I was busy working towards a graduate degree. Even if it was library science, it was still one hell of a time commitment. I didn’t have time to think about things like politics.

“Well after all the bad publicity the state got from that they hurriedly passed another pill the next year. Amazing how quickly they turned things around when all of the major businesses in the state threatened to leave overnight.”

“And that bill was?”

“I could go into it at length, I was actually talking a lot of it over with David and helped convince him to support the thing at the time…”

“David?”

“Reynolds?” Ethel said.

“Oh, right.”

Why shouldn’t I be surprised that Ethel was friends with David Reynolds, our state senator who’d been at it for decades. A man who was supposedly pretty powerful, which was part of the reason why he’d been reelected time and again since before I was born.

No, I shouldn’t have been surprised that Ethel was on a first name basis with the guy. Sometimes it felt like she knew everybody in this town. And suddenly, for the first time in my life, I felt the urge to have that same rapport with the people of this town. I figured if I was going to be sticking around, living with Savannah, that was something I’d need to cultivate.

“The practical upshot is that your love life is now protected. If anyone tried to fire you, particularly from a public job like this, well let’s just say you’d be able to sue the library for everything it was worth.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Oh yeah. Because that’s so much money!”

Ethel shrugged. “The library does have an insurance policy against that sort of thing, after all. You could probably become a very rich woman if they tried anything. Though it probably would bankrupt the library eventually with the increased premiums and all.”

Savannah tapped a finger against her lips. “Interesting. Are you sure there’s no one on the board that might try to fire Kirsten?”

This time I did toss a paperclip across the room. It smacked against Savannah’s forehead and she turned and stuck her tongue out at me. I stuck my tongue right back at her in turn.

I leaned back in my chair. Put my hands behind my back. Listened to the subtle creak of the leather as I rocked back and forth for a moment. It was a comforting motion that I did from time to time when I needed to think. Finally I looked back and locked eyes with Ethel across my small wooden desk.

“So what you’re saying is that everyone I’ve been afraid of finding out about my situation has known all along, and on top of that if they did decide to do something about it I could sue the ever loving shit out of them and become a rich woman?”

“That’s about the size of it,” Ethel said. She fixed both of us with a stern look, though there was a smile on her face that ruined the effect somewhat. “So the two of you need to stop sneaking around. You might as well just let the world know.”

“Old habits die hard,” Savannah whispered.

“I assume you told your mother?” Ethel asked.

“You mean she didn’t already mention it to you?”

“Well no,” Ethel said. “I might have a reputation for knowing everything that goes on in this town, but there are some secrets people manage to keep from me. I’ll assume from your mentioning her mentioning it to me that she does know, though.”

I giggled. “You’re a regular gossip Sherlock Holmes, Ethel.”

And then to my surprise I started shaking. Why the hell was I shaking? Savannah looked over and immediately she was getting up, but surprisingly it was Ethel who got around the desk first and wrapped her arms around me. She pulled my head to her chest and rocked back and forth.

“It’s okay Kirsten,” she said. “I know this was probably scary for you, but you really don’t have anything to worry about.”

“Other than pastor Dan,” Savannah said. “Though I guess he’s had his teeth pulled just a little now.”

Ethel immediately looked up. “What has he done?”

Savannah sighed and launched into the drama surrounding pastor Dan that had been our life for the past few months. The expression on Ethel’s face got darker and darker with every word, but unlike Savannah’s mother she didn’t make any threats. No, she just shook her head and clicked her tongue.

“Well you don’t have to worry about him anymore,” Ethel said.

“But…” Savannah said.

“I’m planning on having a little gathering at my house to celebrate the end of summer. I’d really like it if the two of you could join the party. Together.”

Savannah and I exchanged a confused glance. It was good to know I wasn’t the only one who was taken aback by the sudden change of subject. From pastor Dan to an end of summer gathering at her house? Was the woman truly crazy?

Though it seemed unfair to think that sort of thing about her. After all, hadn’t she just been there for me when I had a sudden attack of anxiety and relief washing over me at the same time?

I was surprised that my body reacted that way. It felt as though all the tension, all the anxiety that had been building up in me over the past couple of had finally come out in one long shuddering moment. As though my body had been coiled and tensed for action, like a cute little bunny that knew there was something lurking in the woods ready to pounce, and now the danger was gone and my body was letting go.

It was a good feeling.

“I suppose we could come out to your thing,” I said. “Who’s going to be there?”

Ethel did another one of those dismissive waves of her hand, as though who was going to be there didn’t matter at all. Though there was a glint in her eyes. A look behind those grandmotherly glasses that made me think she was up to something. She always seemed to be up to something.

“Just a few close friends, nothing major,” she said.

“Right,” I said. I glanced over to Savannah. She bit her lip and nodded. I guess we were going.

“I suppose it won’t be a problem for us to join you,” I said.

Ethel’s face split into a bright smile. “Good! I’ll be so glad to have you there. I can introduce you to a few people.”

I thought for a moment about how Ethel seemed to know everybody who was anybody in this town. Not that it was too difficult to be a big fish in such a small pond. Still, I was very interested to see what her definition of “a few friends” and introducing us to “a few people” actually meant.

Not that she gave me time to ask. Just as quickly as she’d appeared at my side she was gone. She stepped out and the door closed behind her. I leaned back in my chair again, the leather creaking under me, and let out a long sigh.

“Well that was interesting,” Savannah said.

I shook my head. “Is there anyone we’ve actually succeeded in keeping our secret from?”

Savannah looked at the door. Out through the window. The blinds were open at the moment so I could see out into the library. A necessity when Ethel and I were both in here, though it was a time of day when we rarely had anybody stopping in to get movies or books.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m starting to think that small-town life is a hell of a lot more complicated than I originally thought it was when I moved back here.”

“Yeah, but at the same time things just got a hell of a lot simpler for us too,” Savannah said.

She glanced over to those open blinds. Looked back at me with an impish smile.

I glanced down at the time on my phone. It would be at least another hour until there was any sort of rush. And Ethel was out there to take care of things if we did get a little busy. I nodded towards the blinds, an unspoken communication, and Savannah went over and drew them shut. Turned and pressed her back against the door. Stared at me, her chest heaving.

“You know I got one hell of an adrenaline rush from all that,” Savannah said.

I rolled my eyes. “You’re not even the one whose job was on the chopping block!”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m worked up now!”

“Oh? And what did you have in mind to take care of that?”

“I was thinking maybe it’s time to relieve some tension?”

I glanced towards one of the windows. It was covered, but still. It was only a thin bit of glass separating us from the rest of the library. Savannah followed my eyes and looked back. Arched an eyebrow.

“Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” I said. “Not really. I guess it’s just that now that I know Ethel knows…”

Savannah giggled. “She’s known all along, right? What’s any different now?”

I grinned. “I suppose you’re right.”

I opened my arms and Savannah positively slinked across the room. Her eyes focused on mine, and I felt a chill run through me.

“So how about we work out some of that tension?” Savannah asked as she moved in close. She leaned down until her lips were mere inches from mine. I could smell her perfume. Feel her breath on me. I needed to taste her lips against mine.

So I did just that. Savannah was absolutely right. I needed some release after all of that.

Hell, if it was going to be like this every time we made a major confession then I was starting to think we should have done this long ago!

20: Debutantes

“I think we’ve been had,” I said.

“You’re damn right we have,” Kirsten replied.

I stared at the cars parked in Ethel’s front lawn. She lived in a massive farmhouse that wasn’t all that unlike my own, though she lived there with her husband and her massive family. It was one of those houses that kept growing over the years as successive generations built up and worked their farmland.

So really sort of the opposite of what had happened with us selling off our land.

It wasn’t just the front lawn either. Cars were parked along the side of the road for maybe a half mile. It seemed like half the town had shown up. Hell, maybe the entire town.

“So this is Ethel’s idea of having a few people over?” I muttered.

“She knows everybody,” Kirsten said.

“So what do we do? Are you sure you want to do this with half the town here?”

Kirsten shrugged. It was a fatalistic shrug that seemed to take in the entirety of our situation. It was a feeling I could understand.

“I don’t see that we have much choice, do we?”

I sighed as I pulled to an empty spot at the end of the long line of cars and put the truck into park. We were going to have to walk a little ways to get back to Ethel’s house. Not that walking for a little while was that big of a deal.

So we stepped out and made our way down the road. At least it was paved. Out here in the middle of nowhere there was always the possibility that it would be gravel instead.

“This feels weird,” I said.

Kirsten looked at me and smiled. Reached out to take my hand. I regarded that hand for a moment, and then realized what I was doing. Realized that I was being ridiculous. After all, the whole point of us coming to this party was to let the entire world know about us. It seemed kind of silly to worry about things like holding her hand when we were going to be making the big reveal.

The cat was going to be very out of the bag here very soon, and so it’s not like there was much point in trying to hide things.

So I took her hand. Laced my fingers into hers. That felt good. Really good. I always liked getting up close and personal with her, but now that I was getting up close and personal without any regard for what other people thought it felt even better.

“That’s more like it,” Kirsten said.

I gave her hand a squeeze as we walked down the road.

It really was a beautiful day for a walk in the countryside. A gentle breeze kept it nice and cool. It was obvious fall was coming on. In the distance I saw a tree stand at the edge of a field that was starting to color. The fields had already been harvested. No massive cornstalks obscuring the view and making driving a dangerous proposition out in the country at this time of year.

Meanwhile the sky overhead was fluffy and blue. It was the sort of sky that said there was absolutely nothing that could go wrong in the world.

“You know I think I love this,” Kirsten said.

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “What exactly do you love? Being here with me?”

She looked at me and for a change Kirsten was the one blushing, not me. She looked down and then back up at our surroundings. She seemed to take it all in. She seemed to really be taking it in for the first time, though of course that notion was ridiculous since she’d lived here her entire life.

Maybe it would be more fair to say she was looking at everything with fresh eyes, not new eyes.

“I’m talking about all of this around us,” she said. “The fields. The trees off in the distance. The sky overhead. The gentle breeze. I think I love this place. I don’t think I could truly say that before.”

I grinned. “I’ve felt the same way ever since I was a little kid.”

“Yeah, I suppose I’ve always felt it just a little,” Kirsten said. “This is home, after all, but there always seemed to be something missing. I always felt like I needed to go for something better. As though out there was better than back here.”

“Oh? Is that something you don’t agree with anymore?”

“I don’t know,” Kirsten said. “I think there’s something to be said for life in the city, but I think I’m also realizing there’s something to be said for the quieter life on offer here.”

She glanced sideways at me. That blush seemed to grow even more intense. “Especially if that quiet life out here includes you.”

I leaned in and kissed her. A quick kiss. And then we walked on in silence, the asphalt crunching under our shoes. What else was there to say?

This was one of those perfect moments in life. One of those moments I was going to think back on for the rest of my life, and I wasn’t going to ruin it with more conversation. No, this seemed like one of those times to relax and enjoy the surroundings. To let life wash over me.

Besides, there was still the party to think about. I still wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen when we got there. I had a good feeling, the first good feeling I’d had about being at a public event with Kirsten since ever, but still. There was always a chance things could go wrong.

Then again, I’d thought the same thing before the big reveal to my mom. Before the big reveal to Ethel. And I’d been so very wrong at every step of the way when it came to those conversations.

As we got closer I could hear the dull hum of a lot of people talking. I heard splashing around. Ethel had a pool back behind her house. I’d call it a backyard, but it was really more accurate to say it was the space between her house and several barns where they kept all of their farming equipment.

Not that Ethel or her husband did much of the farming these days. No, she just enjoyed her job at the library and being the matron of one hell of a large family. A family that was big enough that it was probably part of the reason why she was so well-connected in town. Everybody knew someone in her family or had to do business with them at some point, and so it was a good business move to stay in the matriarch’s good graces.

Now that I thought about it in those terms I was starting to think maybe we should’ve enlisted her help a hell of a lot earlier than we had. She probably could’ve helped us out in a big way.

Too late to think about what ifs, though. All we could do now was forge ahead and see what the future brought us.

Finally we came around a line if pickup trucks, it seemed like there was no other form of transportation out in the rural middle of nowhere sometimes, and the music from behind the house really hit us. I turned to Kirsten and gave her hand a squeeze.

“Now or never. If you want to turn back then this is the time,” I said.

“No,” Kirsten said with an emphatic shake of her head. “If we’re going to do this then we need to just do it already. I don’t want to live in fear or in hiding anymore. It’s time to let the world know we’re more than just friends.”

“Seems like the whole world already knew we were more than just friends and they were waiting on us to tell them,” I muttered.

That earned a sharp look from Kirsten, but not for long. After all, given everything that had happened to us it wasn’t an unreasonable statement to make. So I took a deep breath and started walking. For a miracle Kirsten right along with me without a moment’s hesitation. We were in this together.

“So what do we do if people start asking awkward questions,” Kirsten asked.

“Are you kidding? This is a party at Ethel’s place. We’d be surrounded by people asking inappropriate questions whether or not the whole lesbian thing was happening.”

“You make a good point,” Kirsten said.

We didn’t have time for much more in the way of conversation. We rounded the back of Ethel’s house and I stopped and blinked in surprise at the massive crowd I saw there. I’d joked that it looked like she invited half the town judging by the number of cars lined up on the road in front of her house, but now that I was looking at that crowd it really did seem like she’d invited half the town.

At least the half of town that mattered. I saw a couple of judges, the chief of police, a couple of people I knew were on the library board, and some teachers I’d had in school. I also saw someone else who surprised me. My eyes narrowed as that person caught sight of us and walked over, lugging her portable oxygen tank the entire way with a huge smile on her face.

“Savannah!” mom said.

“Mom? What are you doing here?”

“Well Ethel is one of my oldest friends. I used to go to the storytimes she’d have at the library when I was a little girl, you know.”

“Well yeah,” I said. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that a woman who was pushing sixty had been young enough to attend storytimes being run by an adult Ethel when she was a little girl. Just one more reminder that the woman was seemingly eternal.

“But why didn’t you tell me you were coming out here? We could’ve ridden together,” I said.

“And miss the opportunity for the two of you to come out here together? Not a chance,” mom said with a wink.

She turned and wrapped Kirsten in a warm hug that made me feel all warm and fuzzy deep down inside. It was one thing for her to act like Kirsten was the daughter she never had, well I guess the second daughter she never had, in private. It was another thing entirely for her to pull that act in a very public way.

“So good to see you dear,” she said. “Now why don’t we get you something to eat?”

We made our way into the crowd. There was a massive table running the length of the backyard lined with various bits of cuisine that could only come from little old ladies using recipes handed down from woman to woman through generations of small town life. In short, exactly the kind of food that I absolutely loved enjoying. I was about to make a plate when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned in time to see Ethel coming up to us with an older gentlemen that I’d seen around town, though I couldn’t for the life of me come up with a name.

“Ethel!” I said. “So nice to see you!”

Ethel turned to me and positively beamed. She wrapped me in a hug and gave me an extra squeeze. Finally she pulled away and turned her attention to Kirsten. Getting a look at Kirsten suddenly had me on guard. She looked tense. The sort of tense I’d only seen when pastor Dan was lurking around, though a quick scan of the crowd didn’t reveal him anywhere nearby. I didn’t figure he’d be lurking around here anyways. Something told me he and Ethel didn’t run in the same social circles, though I could be wrong on that count.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, blurting it out without thinking that maybe I shouldn’t be asking her if something was wrong. Maybe she didn’t want to let on that she was a little wary of this distinguished looking older gentlemen with the pure white hair that was pulled over a bald spot in one of the worst combovers I think I’d ever seen.

He smiled down at Kirsten. A warm smile if I’d ever seen one. The guy seemed like the grandfatherly type for sure. I immediately liked him. I couldn’t say why. Just that the warm fuzzies were there for this guy. Maybe because he reminded me of my own grandpa.

I couldn’t for the life of me see why Kirsten would be on guard around this guy. It made no sense.

“Mr. Thompson,” she said, suddenly looking queasy. A wind blew over the party sending paper plates and plasticware flying. I wondered if it was an ill wind blowing in for us, though I still didn’t see the danger. The last name sounded familiar, everyone knew someone in the Thompson family after all, but still.

“Please, call me Harold,” he said, reaching out and taking her hands in a warm gesture.

Oh. Harold. Harold Thompson. The guy who was in charge of the library board. The guy who could probably get rid of Kirsten’s job if he was so inclined. Probably the guy she’d been most worried about the entire time we’d been sneaking around.

Suddenly the way she’d been acting made a little more sense. I tensed myself for that disaster I’d been waiting for, but once again it never came despite anticipating the worst. I could get used to this.

He glanced to me, the smile still plastered on his face. “I just wanted you to know that Ethel has kept me updated on everything that’s been going on with the two of you, and I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“Really?” Kirsten asked.

“Really,” he said. He leaned in a little closer, whispering and suddenly looking conspiratorial. “Us old farts around here aren’t all so close-minded, you know.”

“I… um. I’m sorry?” Kirsten said.

Now here was a lark. All this time she’d expected this guy to cause trouble and now she was the one apologizing to him for jumping to the wrong conclusions? It was so ridiculous that a giggle escaped before I could catch the damn thing. Harold turned to me and winked.

“I also want you to know that if you have any sort of trouble, any at all, to let me know. The library isn’t the only board I sit on, after all, and I’m not going to put up with someone causing trouble for the two of you. Not in my town.”

That grandfatherly look was suddenly gone from his face, replaced by something far more stern and intimidating. That was the look of a man I wouldn’t want to cross. The look of a man who was genuinely angry that someone might have given us trouble. The look of a man who was completely serious when he said this was his town.

Harold Thompson might be a kindly old grandpa type guy who ran the local bank, but in that moment he looked every inch the godfather threatening someone he didn’t like. I had a pretty good idea of who he was talking about, too, but he didn’t come out and name names. Classy.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Kirsten said.

And with that Harold and Ethel were moving off into the crowd. Once they were gone Kirsten practically collapsed against me. I could sympathize. I’d felt a little weak in the knees after confessing to my mom.

“You okay?” I asked.

“I think so,” Kirsten said. “That was just a little surprising. In more ways than one.”

“You can say that again,” I said. “If everything keeps going so well like this I’m going to have you pinch me to make sure I didn’t wreck and go into a coma or something.”

“With the way you drive that’s probably more likely than everything that’s happened to us the past couple of days,” Kirsten muttered.

“Hey!”

Though there wasn’t much heat to my voice. No, things really were going well. Damn well. I was starting to feel like nothing could bring me down today. That is until I glanced out across the crowd and saw a familiar face that was staring right back at me. A familiar face that didn’t look nearly as pleasant as everyone else at this party. A familiar face that still bore one hell of a shiner on his left eye from where my fist made contact with it a couple of days ago in the city.

Damn it. What was he doing here? Why would Ethel invite him of all people when she knew what had been going on between us?

And as soon as we made eye contact he was on the move, coming right for us. Damn it, damn it, damn it! I grabbed Kirsten by the arm and tried pulling her away. Maybe we could get into a conversation with someone and avoid this little brewing altercation before it blew up in our faces.

Maybe. I didn’t have high hopes.

21: Pastor Dan's Last Stand

“We need to go. Now,” Savannah said.

Her hand wrapped around my arm and I looked down in confusion. She was gripping awfully hard. Her knuckles were white as she pulled me across the grass towards a clump of people having a friendly conversation. I recognized at least one girl who I went to school with, though I didn’t have a pressing desire to chat with her after not talking since graduation.

“What are you going on about Savannah?” I asked.

“Just trust me on this. We don’t want a confrontation here of all places.”

That look on her face was one of pure determination. The same look I’d seen when she was going to confront pastor Dan outside the club a couple of days ago. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why she’d look like that here of all places, though. It’s not like he was around or anything. I’d been scanning the crowd for that jerk ever since we arrived.

I did another scan now. Particularly behind us since that seemed to be the direction Savannah was moving away from at rapid speed. That’s when I saw him. Pastor Dan moving through the crowd straight for us like he was some sort of lesbian-seeking missile. Whenever he bumped into people he got a huge smile on his face, but as soon as he was past them the smile disappeared and he was back to glowering at us.

Why couldn’t that guy just leave us alone? Still, I wasn’t going to have any of this running away bullshit. Not after all the trouble he’d caused us. If he wanted to get into it with us then I was more than happy to dance with the jerk.

I pulled away from Savannah. Her eyes went wide and for a moment I had to suppress a laugh. I wondered if that’s what I looked like outside the club when she pulled away from me and went off to confront this guy. I suppose turnabout was fair play and all that.

“What are you doing?” she hissed.

“I could ask the same of you,” I said just under my breath. “Weren’t you the one who wanted to stand up to this guy? Have you changed your mind now that we’re back home?”

Savannah looked around at the people surrounding us. It was a veritable who’s who of big fish from our very small pond. “We’re in the middle of a crowd of people from home. Do you really want to get into it with him like we did back in the city? We’re not anonymous here. We don’t have the cops to back us up.”

“Actually we do,” I said. “The sheriff is right over there with a couple of his deputies. They’re not in uniform, but I’m sure they’d be happy to step in if pastor Dan tries to hit one of us again.”

“I still don’t think this is a good idea,” she said.

I looked over my shoulder. He was almost on us. I guess my attempt at distracting Savannah long enough to let him get close enough that we couldn’t escape had worked. I turned back to her and grinned, shrugged my shoulders.

“It might not be a good idea, but here he is. Not much we can do about it now,” I said.

“What are you…” Savannah’s eyes narrowed. “You sneaky…”

I suppose I deserved that, but she didn’t get a chance to finish her thought. No, it was too late. Pastor Dan was upon us, and boy did he look pissed off. Not that I was too bothered. I suppose Savannah took strength from being away from home when she confronted him and punched his lights out. Now I took strength from knowing that I still had a job no matter what this guy said. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t worry me on some level, and now I felt completely free after that conversation with Harold.

“What are the two of you doing here?” he hissed.

“Oh, so are you trying to play the quiet threatening thing Dan?” I asked. “I guess I can understand that. Wouldn’t want any members of the community out here to know how black your heart really is, would we?”

“What are you talking about? Everything I’ve done is because I’m concerned with your eternal…”

I did a quick calculation. We were in the middle of a crowd of people who were the most influential people in town. The one card this guy had played over and over was that he was going to ruin our lives by ruining our reputation in our small town. He also had one hell of a short fuse, and it suddenly occurred to me that I could use that short fuse to set him off and do to him what he’d been threatening to do to us.

I’d just have to be a little annoying and disrespectful. That I could do. Especially considering the way he’d treated us and made us miserable these past few months.

“I know exactly what you’re concerned with, Danny boy, and to be honest the way you’re obsessed with Savannah’s sex life is a little creepy. Particularly when she was an underage teenager. I thought that was just a Catholic thing,” I said.

And here it came. His face turned several shades of red and then moved to that familiar purple I’d grown so familiar with. I laughed. I couldn’t do anything else given the circumstances. I couldn’t believe there’d ever been a time when Savannah thought this guy was a threat. I couldn’t believe there’d ever been a time when I’d actually worried he might be able to cause trouble for me at my job.

He was a paper tiger, through and through.

“I will not have you talking to me like that and disrespecting me,” he said.

“You mean you don’t want me talking to you and disrespecting you the same way you’ve been disrespecting Savannah for years? Well you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t take too kindly to people giving my girlfriend trouble like that. Now fuck off.”

I figured that would be the end of it. I certainly didn’t have anything else to say to the guy. I wasn’t going to convince him that I wasn’t leading a life of mortal sin that was putting my immortal soul in danger, and he wasn’t going to convince me that my love for Savannah was anything other than the pure unadulterated source of joy in my life that it was. There was no point in talking to the guy when neither one of us was going to convince the other of the error of our ways.

Only once more it seemed pastor Dan wasn’t going to take things lying down. He wasn’t going to let things go without getting a little physical. I felt a hand clamp down on my arm, though it wasn’t nearly as welcome this time around as Savannah’s grip had been just moments ago. I looked down in surprise. He held me fast. I tried to pull away and if anything his grip tightened to the point of discomfort.

I looked around. A couple of people had noticed what was going on even though our fight had been pretty quiet up to this point. In particular it seemed that Ethel, Harold, and the sheriff himself were glancing in our direction but not saying anything. Yet.

Then good old pastor Dan, true to form, opened his mouth and changed everything. His voice rose loud enough that anyone listening could hear him. I smiled. I hadn’t expected him to blow his stack like this, but at the same time I’d hoped I might be able to goad him into doing something stupid, and he’d responded true to form.

“I’m just about tired of you and your lip young lady!” he positively screamed, spit flying from his mouth. “I spent a night in jail because of you two! Jail!”

For good measure he raised his hand just like he had that day when I was walking back from a storytime at the elementary school. Just like he had that evening in the city when Savannah hit him with one hell of a right hook.

I didn’t say anything. I just kept the smile plastered on my face. I was pretty proud of myself for not flinching away when he raised his hand like that. I’d like to see anyone being faced with getting smacked like that and not flinch just a little, but somehow I managed it. I was also glad that Savannah didn’t decide to step in quite as dramatically as she had the last time he tried this.

The last thing I wanted was for us to look like the bad guys here. Pastor Dan was doing a good enough job of making himself look like an ass without us stepping in and giving anyone wiggle room to say we did something to provoke him.

Not that I needed to worry all that much about him actually landing a hit. In a flash there was a hand wrapped around his wrist. I blinked as I realized the sheriff, huge gut and all, had somehow made the sprint between where he’d been standing with a plate of food in his hand and where pastor Dan was threatening me and he held the good pastor’s arm in what looked to be a surprisingly strong grip.

“You care to tell me what the hell’s going on here, Dan?” he asked in a pleasant enough voice, though the pleasant tone was only in his voice. The man’s face was a thunderhead.

“These women got me thrown in jail! This whore tried to seduce one of my flock, and I will not tolerate…”

“Excuse me one minute, Dan,” the sheriff said. He turned and nodded to both of us in turn, a smile finally coming to his face. He never let loose from his grip on pastor Dan’s arm, though.

“This man bothering you ladies?” he asked.

“He’s been bothering us for months,” I said. “And this is like the third time he’s tried to assault one of us.”

“Thought as much. I imagine that’s why you got thrown in the clink in the first place, Dan,” the sheriff said, turning his attention back to the wayward pastor. “Is that the truth?”

“That is not the truth. That woman,” he nodded to Savannah, “assaulted me! She’s the reason I have this black eye.”

“After you tried to hit her. The cops arrested you, not her, remember? And she was nice enough not to press charges.”

“Why don’t you lower your hand, Dan? I’m getting awfully tired of holding this in place, and you keep this up much longer and you might have a charge here too,” the sheriff said, that amiable tone coming back even as that stern look returned.

“What’s going on here? Daniel?” Ethel said, moving through the crowd that had gathered around us. A crowd that was muttering amongst themselves, but all of them were muttering and looking at pastor Dan. None of them were looking at us with disapproval. That was surprising, but it was also a relief.

“How dare you, Daniel!” Ethel said, sounding quite scandalized. Though from the way she turned to me and winked I suddenly wondered if maybe there was a method to her madness inviting this guy out here in the first place.

“Ethel, I…”

“What’s the problem here?”

Another voice I recognized, though I really wished I didn’t. That would be Harold making his way through the crowd. I saw people stepping aside and finally he was there, his face positively furious. I figured this was it. I figured this was the end of my career in this town, only his anger was directed towards Dan and not at me at all.

The surprises just kept coming.

Harold looked at me and then to pastor Dan. “What’s going on here?”

I looked at the crowd surrounding us. I looked at pastor Dan who was still several shades of purple, though he’d lowered his hand. And I shrugged. The guy had made his bed, now it was time for him to lie in it. Savannah might be nice enough to not want to press charges against the asshole, but I didn’t feel any such hesitation or mercy.

So I spilled. Everything. In front of everyone. How he’d been harassing us. How he’d spent a night in jail in the city after getting into a fight with Savannah. How he just couldn’t seem to leave us alone. By the time I was done Ethel, Harold, the sheriff, and just about everyone else seemed furious, and pastor Dan seemed to realize that he’d finally stepped way out of line. He’d finally let his anger come out to play in front of a wide audience who didn’t appreciate his performance.

In short, he dun fucked up, as we said back home.

“Daniel, is this true?”

Pastor Dan looked around one final time, and then the anger seemed to drain. In a moment he’d folded in on himself and he looked completely and utterly defeated. Harold moved forward and put an arm around him, leaning in close and whispering something that pastor Dan didn’t like one bit. Then Harold turned and smiled at me.

“I’m sorry, Kirsten. You can be sure the church board will be having a long discussion about this.”

“The church board?” Savannah said, piping up where I was unable to find words. Everything was happening too fast. Everything was just too damn crazy.

Harold smiled. A wide, welcoming smile. “I told you I was on more than one board in this town. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

And with that he melted into the crowd that was starting to disperse now that the show was over, though I noted that not one of the people around us seemed to take pastor Dan’s side. A moment later Savannah’s mom came up beside us and stared at the retreating men. There was pure murder in her eyes.

“It’s a good thing the sheriff got to him before I did,” she muttered.

“Why’s that, mom?” Savannah asked.

Her mom reached down and hefted the portable oxygen machine she was wheeling around. “Because if I got to him first then I was going to see how it felt slamming this thing into his backside. I’ll show him to threaten my little girl and her girlfriend.”

I looked at Savannah and then back to her mom, and started laughing. It was the only thing I could think to do. Everything that just happened was so crazy, so out of the ordinary, that I couldn’t think of anything else. Plus there was some tension draining out of me at the same time.

It had been a crazy couple of months, but finally everything was well and truly looking up.

22: To the Future

I stopped in at the library for probably the thousandth time since this whole thing started. I couldn’t believe it had been a year since that crazy day when Ethel played matchmaker. That crazy day when I met the girl who was going to change my life. And yet I wouldn’t change anything that had happened in the past year for anything, even if things had been pretty crazy there for the first month or so.

“Stopping in for lunch?” Ethel asked from her usual spot behind the desk.

“You know it!” I said.

I smiled as I brushed past her desk. I really did owe everything to her meddling. If she hadn’t tried to set us up a year ago then there’s a chance Kirsten might be in another city now working at some other library. There was a chance I’d still be stuck in the same rut I’d always been in, terrified to be myself and living in constant fear of the former pastor Dan.

Yeah, I don’t think I could’ve lived like that for much longer no matter how much I talked about how much I loved this town and living out on the farm where I’d grown up. I would’ve snapped eventually. Kirsten couldn’t have come a moment sooner as far as I was concerned!

I stepped into her office. I didn’t bother knocking on the door or anything these days. She looked up and smiled when she realized it was me.

“Hard at work?” I asked.

“You know it,” she said. “I’m trying to convince the board that they shouldn’t cut our budget, but it’s going to be difficult.”

“So what else is new?” I asked.

I’d listened to her griping about the library often enough to know that griping about not having enough money was one thing that seemed to be a constant in Kirsten’s world. To be perfectly honest it was something I’d tuned out long ago, though I still tried to nod at the appropriate times whenever she griped about it.

“Enough about work,” Kirsten said. “Are you ready for this weekend?”

I grinned. “I don’t know. Are you ready? Moving is a pretty big deal, you know.”

“Tell me about it,” she said. “I’m still not sure I’m ready to move away from the big city, but I suppose it’ll be worth it in the end.”

“Trust me, you’re going to love being out on the farm. And it’s not like the commute is that bad either.”

“My commute right now is literally walking a couple of minutes to work. Now I’m going to have to drive into town. Anything is longer than what I have now.”

“Well yeah,” I said, moving around the desk and plopping own in her lap. “But don’t you think it’s worth it if you get to spend your evenings with me?”

I leaned down and gave her a kiss for good measure. Not a heated kiss like what we’d done back when we first got together, though to be honest the lack of heat in my kiss had less to do with a lack of passion in our relationship and everything to do with the fact that the door was wide open. Sure Ethel was probably the only other person in the library right now, but I figured it was still a good idea to show some discretion.

“I think having you around all the time might make the commute worth it,” she said. “How’s your mom dealing with the idea of you shacking up with some girl?”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t even get me started on that. All she’s been going on about is how sinful it is that we’re moving in together without getting married. Talk about a conversation I never thought I’d have to have with my mom. Sometimes I think that Supreme Court decision is more of a headache than I thought it would be when it came down.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll get there in time,” Kirsten said.

“Why Kirsten. That almost sounded like a proposal!”

Kirsten pulled me down into another kiss that distracted me for a moment. When I pulled away she was nothing but smiles. “I suppose this is the moment when I’d reach into my desk and pull out a ring, isn’t it?”

My breath caught for a moment and I actually put my hand to my mouth. I guess that was sort of an involuntary reaction every girl had when she thought someone was proposing. That or I’d seen so many women react that way over the years when the question was being popped that it was a conditioned response pop culture had rammed into my head. Either way I couldn’t help but feel excited as I realized what Kirsten might be getting at.

“Are you serious? Did you?”

Kirsten blinked, then laughed. “No! We’re just now moving in together. If we can do that for a few months without killing each other then maybe we can figure out where to go from there.”

I stuck my tongue out at her to let her know just what I thought of that. “Party pooper.”

“That doesn’t mean that I’m not averse to popping the question, you know,” Kirsten said. “I just think we need to make absolutely sure that’s what we both want before we go making any big decisions like that.”

“Right. Let’s concentrate on moving in together first, and go from there,” I said. “I expect you to be ready to go when you’re off work today. I’ll have the pickup ready to go.”

“Ugh. I hate moving. You know that, right?”

I winked at her. “Yeah? Well with a little luck this will be the last time you ever have to move, won’t it?”

“That does sound nice,” Kirsten said.

“So are we getting lunch or what?” I asked. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!”

“Lunch sounds good. Did you have anywhere in particular in mind?”

And with that we were back to the normal daily routine we’d fallen into since we first got together, but it was a daily routine I never thought I’d have until I met Kirsten. Yeah, a boring routine was just fine with me considering it was something that seemed like a far off dream or fantasy once upon a time.

We might’ve tried lying to the world and telling everyone we were just friends, but I was so very glad that we were so much more than that, and I couldn’t wait to get her moved into the house so we could well and truly start our lives together!

Author's Note

This is a story that incorporates more than a little of my own personal experience growing up in Small Town, USA. The sort of place where everybody is friendly with everyone else on the surface and people don’t lock their doors.

Of course anyone who’s grown up in a small town like that knows there can be a dark side as well. It applies to anyone who’s seen as an outsider, but can be particularly difficult for LGBT people. I think that’s changing, and it’s about time, but there’s still a long way to go.

I say all of this because this novel deals, in some small part, in some of the uglier aspects of small town life. As I wrote this it felt at times that the “villain,” as much as there is a villain in this story, felt almost cartoonish at times. The thing is everything to do with that part of the story is based entirely on incidents I experienced or witnessed. Pastor Dan might seem a little over the top to some, but his blend of love and hate will probably seem unfortunately familiar to anyone who grew up in the Bible Belt. There are a lot of perfectly wonderful small towns out there that are still trapped in the past in many ways, and making life difficult for young LGBT people is one of those ways.

Pastor Dan might have seemed like a cartoonish villain at times, but his actions were probably the most grounded in reality of any character I’ve written in one of my stories so far.

I’m writing this note after this story, something I’ve never felt compelled to do before, because I want to make it clear that I’m not coming down on religion or small town life. There are wonderful things about both, and this story happened to deal with one of the uglier facets of those things. An uglier facet that, unfortunately, continues to pervade both to this day.

The good news? Things are much better today than they were when I was growing up. They’re a hell of a lot better than they were even ten years ago, and we all need to work together to keep creating a world where that’s the case.

I hope you enjoyed this story, and I thank you for indulging me this short note.

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Claire and Allison are star-crossed lovers who get a second chance at their five year reunion!

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Anna and Erin were the best of the best looking for fun in their geeky game of choice, but they’ll discover there’s a thin line between love and competition!

1: Anticipation

“I’m coming for you.”

I blinked at the message. Okay, so that was a little melodramatic. It also wasn’t a very good idea to telegraph attacks like that, but I figured that’s why I was ranked so high in the game while Colin was still more or less riding on my coattails. Not that I minded. He was fun to have around.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“You know what. Watch your back,” he said.

I rolled my eyes and went back to looking at dresses in the ARealms online store. Most people came here to look at new accessories for the game. A custom set of glasses that popped up a pretty heads up display so you weren’t forced to look at your phone’s screen all the time while you were concentrating on the game. Extra add ons for your phone that were supposed to improve your game.

I didn’t care about any of that stuff. I’d risen to the top of the biggest alternate reality game in the world, at least in our region, with nothing but my phone and a pair of wired glasses. No, I was far more interested in the pretty costumes they offered for live events. Pretty costumes that were a hell of a lot more expensive than anything I could ever afford.

Finally I flipped over to an advertisement for the Alternate Realms Gathering. It was being billed as the biggest Alternate Realms gathering in the history of history, and it was within a short driving distance from where I was. Just five hours away by car. I sighed as I thought of getting away from the drudgery of cubicle life and coding and getting out there in the wilderness.

Out there where hopefully there would be other players at my level. Players who could actually present a challenge. Players that wouldn’t crumple the instant I unleashed one of my patented spells that kept most people in the office from even bothering to challenge me these days.

Most people but Colin. “Damn it!”

I sighed as my phone started beeping. A low pulsing warning with the screen turning a dull red that pulsed in time with the beeps. That meant danger was getting closer. One of the warding spells I’d set up when I got into work this morning was doing its job and keeping me safe.

“Your boss is going to kill both of us if she finds us doing this on company time again,” I shot to Colin via the work’s IM. Not that he saw it. No, if I was getting that warning on my phone that meant he was close. Definitely not back at his cube working like a good little cog in the corporate machine.

I stuck my tongue out at him. If we were going to do this then we were going to do this. It’s not like I could ignore the challenge. Well, I suppose I could unflag myself and then Colin would be left high and dry trying to explain what the hell he was doing over here, but that wouldn’t be any fun. Part of the thrill of the hunt was that moment when the hunter realized they were the hunted.

I stood and looked over the edge of my cubicle. Richard looked up at me, light reflecting off of his bald head, and cocked an eyebrow. “Having fun with Colin again?”

“Shush. You’re going to give me away!” I hissed.

Richard rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Sheila’s going to kill you if she finds the two of you playing the game on company time again.”

Sheila might kill me if she heard about it, but I also noted that Richard reached out and swiped at his own phone. Hit a few buttons that unflagged his character who’d most definitely been logged into the game. I smiled. Rules were rules, but nothing could overcome the addictive power of Alternate Realms.

“Sheila wouldn’t dare fire me over something like this,” I said.

“You really think you’re irreplaceable? I mean you do good work, but plenty of kids graduating CS who’d love to have your job,” Richard said.

“That’s true, but how many of those are a top player in Alternate Realms? She wouldn’t have anyone to be starstruck over if she fired me.”

Richard rolled his eyes but he also smiled. He knew I was right. I’d become something of a local legend in the department. Except for that time I’d accidentally fried everyone when I was trying to keep Colin off my back.

Oops.

I looked back at my screen and then I glanced at a filing cabinet next to my desk. For a moment I thought about pulling out my glasses, a pair of cheap plastic wired glasses that attached directly to my phone. I hadn’t bothered upgrading because I figured if I could get to the top with old faithful then that was all I needed. Hell, I didn’t even really need the glasses to frag my friends in the office.

So I didn’t bother getting them out. Partly because my ego told me I didn’t need them, but mostly because if I put them on that would be an obvious tell to Sheila that we were playing Alternate Realms if she happened to look out of her office.

The beeping on my phone was getting louder and I reached out to hit the mute button on that spell. Some spells you could mute, like if it was something I cast that notified me there was danger sneaking up on me. Other sounds, like a spell hitting me or even the dreaded death noise, happily piped out of my phone’s speakers at top volume whether or not I had headphones in so every player around me would know what was going on.

I really hoped Colin didn’t launch an attack that would register as a hit and play a loud sound that would definitely pull Sheila out of her office. That was the one feature of the game that made it really difficult to play in an office where it wasn’t exactly frowned upon, but wasn’t exactly encouraged either.

“He’s going to get you this time,” Richard taunted in a singsong voice from the other side of the cubicle. I tried to tune it out, but not before getting in a parting shot of my own.

“Yeah, you’d like that wouldn’t you? Someone succeeding where you’ve failed so many times?”

Richard let out a huff from the other side of the cube wall and I could just imagine his shoulders rising and falling indignantly. It annoyed him that he’d never been able to get the drop on me even when he was right next to me all day long. Eventually he’d stopped trying because he got tired of the death sound blasting out of his phone at all hours.

Richard wasn’t very good at Alternate Realms.

I popped my head over the cubicle wall again. This time I saw him. Colin. Walking towards me with a huge grin on his face. He had something up his sleeve. He always did when he was smiling like that. He also always found out that whatever he had up his sleeve usually wasn’t enough.

I decided to test the waters. I pulled up a menu in-game on my phone and selected one of my nastier spells. A high level homing fireball that slammed into my enemies and pulverized them. At least in theory. It also created some splash damage, a lot of the spells in game had those pesky semi-realistic side effects, and so I ran the risk of pissing people off if they had their characters logged in and flagged as playing.

Whatever. That was their problem. Not mine. They knew they were in a war zone if they kept themselves flagged near me.

I didn’t have my glasses on so I didn’t see a crude representation of a fireball go streaking down the hallway towards Colin. On my cheap set of glasses it was just some simple LEDs that looked like one of those ancient handheld games my older brother played with when I was a toddler. I’d heard some of the newer more expensive sets could make the graphics look almost like the real thing as the alternate reality of Alternate Realms was laid over the real world.

I couldn’t see the fireball, but I could flip the game over to map mode on my phone. I watched as the spell tracked a path over a satellite image of my office building. The developers weren’t so skilled that they had a detailed map of the building and I’d never uploaded one, though industrious gamers had added maps of various buildings that were popular hubs for the game over the past few years.

I held my breath and resisted the urge to cackle with glee as the spell made contact with a dot that represented Colin. Or more accurately it represented Colin’s character. The spell hit him.

And winked out. There wasn’t even the sound of it hitting his character and causing some damage as he moved inexorably down the hall like a geeky and woefully undersized Terminator that could feel one emotion judging by the smile on his face: glee.

“Uh-oh,” Richard said. “Sounds like someone’s big bad fireball spell just fizzled out.”

“Shut up Richard,” I said.

I ran over the scenario in my head. Usually a fireball or a lightning spell or something like that was enough to take Colin out. He must’ve gotten tired of getting fried before he even got to me. Obviously the jerk had gotten his skinny little mitts on some sort of anti-magic spell or device or something. And he was coming right for me.

I plopped down on my chair with a thud that had the thing protesting. I winced. It wasn’t that I was heavy so much as the chairs and equipment they kept in this place was right next to the definition of “barebones” in the dictionary.

Colin was coming right for me. I had maybe a minute before he was right there. He had something that was preventing my magic spells from hitting him. I sighed and opened a panel in the game. My finger hovered over my phone’s screen as I closed my eyes and prepared for the inevitable.

I turned off sound notifications, but the phone was still pulsing in my hand. The ward spells I’d set up were still telling me that a potential hostile was getting closer and closer. I might’ve turned the sound off, but the vibration was still working quite fine thank you very much. I waited until I could almost sense him standing right in front of me. Until the phone wasn’t pulsing. It was just a steady angry vibrating buzz in my hand.

I pressed on the screen. Immediately there was an almost comical “schwing!” noise from my phone. Followed by a gargling shriek from a phone almost right in front of me and then the suitably morbid death song.

I opened my eyes. Smirked up at Colin who was standing at the entrance to my cubicle with a shell-shocked look plain on his face. He looked down at his phone screen which was displaying bloody red splotches to let him know he’d been killed. By a good old fashioned melee attack.

“How the hell did you do that?”

I tried to make my smile look innocent. It was hard. How did you look sweet and innocent when you knew you were a big bad shark swimming amongst the minnows?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Colin,” I said. I turned back to my computer, but not before I heard a throat clearing at the door to my cube. I squeezed my eyes shut. I knew it was too good to be true. I turned around again.

“Something wrong Sheila?” I asked.

She stood there, about forty years old and not looking a day over her mid-twenties. She had blonde hair flowing past her shoulders. Blonde hair that I sometimes wondered about running my fingers through. The boss lady was fucking hot. There was no getting around it. Not that she used her hotness at all. No, she ruled through a unique combination of fairness and an iron fist that I found admirable.

Except for those occasions when the iron fist was descending on me.

“I’m pretty sure I just heard the death song from Alternate Realms over here. You two wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” she asked. Her arms were crossed, but there was the barest hint of a smile threatening at the corner of her mouth that told me she wasn’t mad. At least not too mad.

“Nothing like that going on here,” I said. “Just working hard!”

“Working hard on making your reservation for the Gathering?” she asked.

I turned and looked at my screen. Damn it. I knew I was forgetting something. The page for the Gathering was still up on my monitor. I figured there was nothing but to own it and go for sheer ballsiness at this point though. I twirled back and faced Sheila with a smile.

“Nah. I made my reservation for the Gathering months ago, but you already knew that didn’t you?”

This time the smile that was threatening really did turn up the corners of her mouth. Just a little. Enough to let me know I was in the clear.

“Right. Well make sure you get everything done that I outlined in that email. I’d hate to have to call you in remotely while you’re off at the Gathering.”

“Sure thing boss!” I said. What I wasn’t going to add was I had no intention of bringing my computer or my mobile hotspot along with me. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I was doing anything that even had a whiff of work attached to it while I was off on vacation.

“And as for any wannabe heroes who are coming over here to kill the company Alternate Realms superstar, maybe you should think of ambushing your friend after hours when you’re not on company time?”

Colin looked down, but I knew Sheila was just having some fun with him. Not that he had any way of knowing that since he didn’t work with her enough to know when she was bullshitting and when she was seriously mad. I figured I’d let him stew for a little while. It might save me some trouble the next time he decided to distract me from being distracted from work because he wanted to try and prove himself.

“Right. It won’t happen again,” Colin said.

“Sure it will,” Sheila said. “I’m not going to be an ogre about this. I remember when I started out DOOM was the big thing that hit productivity. That was an old video game, for you whippersnappers.”

“I know what DOOM is!” I said, indignant. I remembered playing it with my brother. And being terrified because that wasn’t the sort of game a little kid should be playing, even if it looked quaint by today’s realistic standards.

“Right. Just make sure it doesn’t affect your work too much,” she said, and then Sheila was gone. Colin breathed a sigh of relief, but I just rolled my eyes and turned back around to the computer to look at pictures from other live events ARealms had put on in the past. Let him think he was actually close to being in trouble there.

“So are you going to tell me how you did that?” he asked.

“Did what?”

“Killed me!”

“Well I put the pointy end of my character’s sword into the soft squishy end of your character’s character. Then the game decided I won and you died. That’s how it usually works.”

“But you’re not supposed to be able to do that! You’re a high level mage!”

“So? Does that mean I can’t be a high level Fighter or Assassin or something like that too?”

“Well I suppose, but that would take you forever to get skills in both on your character!”

I turned and smirked at him.

“You spent forever dual classing your character. Didn’t you?”

“I’m not telling,” I said.

I figured it was simple insurance. People in this game tended to think of you as fighting with weapons or magic. No one ever stopped to consider that someone might make a character who did both just because it took so long. Those people had no imagination, in my opinion. They also weren’t as good as me.

There was a reason I was on top. At least locally.

I turned back to my computer, back to a slideshow of pictures from past live events that was running past. I figured that was it for our little interaction, but my breath caught when I saw the most beautiful and stunning creature I’d ever seen in my life. I hurriedly clicked back to the picture of a gorgeous girl, about my age, wearing the most elaborate dress I’d ever seen someone in at an ARealms event and a crown on her head.

“Who’s that?” I breathed.

Colin leaned over my shoulder. “Oh, you mean the queen?”

2: The Gathering

“The queen? What are you talking about?”

Colin moved over and leaned against my desk. He crossed his arms and looked down at me like I’d just grown a second head or something. I blushed. I hated it when he looked at me like I didn’t know something about the game.

“You’re kidding me. Right?”

“No? I didn’t know we had a queen.”

“Well there’s a queen in the game,” Colin said.

“But I didn’t vote for her!”

Colin rolled his eyes and looked down at me like I was the biggest idiot in the world. I hated it when he did that.

“She’s the queen! You don’t vote for her!”

“Don’t look at me like I don’t know anything about this game. I’m the master around here.”

“Right, you’re the master and sometimes I think you don’t know anything about the game you’re playing. The queen is supposed to be the head of the factions. Or she’s the head of the royal faction that’s supposed to make sure the other factions don’t fight too much. In theory.”

I shook my head. “Those people are all idiots. All I need is my phone at my side.”

“Correction. You’ve only needed your phone at your side to win in this office and whenever you go to the East Bumfuck Alternate Reality invitational. If we’re going to the Gathering you’re going to be up against some of the best players in the world. You’ll need to go with a faction if you want to live for more than a half hour in that wilderness.”

“Whatever,” I said. “I’ve never needed anyone but me, and I don’t see that changing when we go to this Gathering thing.”

“Hey!”

I rolled my eyes and decided to amend my statement. More to make Colin feel better than because I actually felt that way.

“Okay. All I need is my phone at my side and you helping me out.”

“Thank you.”

“Every good player needs someone to act as bait anyways,” I muttered.

“You know I can hear you when you mutter like that, and it hurts.”

“Whatever. Tell me more about this queen chick. Is she the queen every year or something? Do they swap it around? What does she do?”

I suddenly found myself wanting to know everything I could find out about this girl. She was just so… compelling. That face. Those striking blue eyes staring out at me from the pictures. The way she filled out that dress. It made me want to rip that dress off, even if there wasn’t much of a chance she swung in my direction.

What was a girl to do?

“So what can you tell me about her?” I asked.

Colin shrugged as I pulled up more pictures. Turns out they had a whole gallery that was dedicated completely to this queen lady, turns out her name was Erin, and what she’d been up to. ARealms liked to promote the more glamorous aspects of their game. Probably figured it was good for marketing or something.

“Not much to say. I hear she took control three years ago when they had the first big Gathering, and there hasn’t been a new queen since. Not sure if that’s an appointed position she keeps or if it’s something where you have to cut off her head to take her power, but either way it seems like she’s there to stay.”

“Very interesting,” I said. I tapped my lips as I looked at this Erin girl. Beautiful and the top player in the game? Someone who managed to hold onto her position for so long? That seemed like someone who had a target painted on her back. She sounded like the perfect opportunity for me to really test out how good I was.

It was a damn shame I was probably never going to get close enough to her to try myself against her.

“I don’t like the look in your eyes Anna,” Colin said. “You only get like that when you’re planning something that’s going to get me in trouble.”

I fixed Colin with my best and most innocent look. From the way he stared down at me, skepticism incarnate, it didn’t seem that he was believing the sweet and innocent act one bit. Oh well. It was worth a try.

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” I said.

“I don’t? Because I’ve noticed that around the time you start telling me I don’t have anything to worry about is usually exactly when I should start worrying.”

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously. It’s not like I’m going to get close enough to her royal highness to do anything.”

Oh the things I would do to her royal highness if I could get close enough to have a little fun, though. I flipped to a picture where she was in an armored bikini of all things and suddenly I was feeling things that hadn’t hit me this strong since I first hit puberty and realized I was a lot more interested in being “just friends” with some of my girlfriends and that boys were still yucky.

“See you’re trying to make me feel better by telling me you’re not going to get close enough to the most powerful and well known player in the game to try and do anything to her, but what I’m hearing is that the only reason you’re not going to try and kill the most powerful and well known player in the game is because you won’t get close enough to try it.”

“Well to be fair there are other things holding me back,” I said.

“And what, praytell, would those things be?”

“I’m sure she’s got guards surrounding her. Maybe some anti-magic stuff. Speaking of, are you going to tell me how you were able to survive that spell? I thought for sure that would kill you.”

“If you’re not going to tell me how you managed to get a high enough sword hit to kill my character then I’m not going to tell you what anti-magic spell I used to avoid your usual tricks. You really pissed off Reg, by the way. He barely managed to unflag himself before that fireball went soaring past.”

“Reg can suck it,” I said. “Unflagging his character is about the only thing he can do without getting himself killed anyways. Not my fault he sucks.”

Besides, I was a woman on a mission. I clicked through the spell database until I found something that behaved like what he’d just done. It was a ward that attached to a player and caused any spells thrown at them to fizzle out. There was a note that the only way to kill a character with that ward, at least with magic, was to accelerate something to a sufficient speed outside of the ward’s sphere of influence and let physics do the rest of the heavy lifting once the accelerated object, say a nice rock or knife or something, entered the anti-magic field.

Apparently the developers got the idea from some old fantasy book I’d never read. Interesting.

“So this is what you used?”

The look of surprise on Colin’s face was all the confirmation I needed.

“Did you really think you were going to hide something like that from me? Of course we both know I know how to fight this thing, so I guess it doesn’t matter that I know what it is…”

“Would you shut up and go back to the pictures of good ol’ queen Erin or something?”

I shot him a dangerous look. He shrugged and grinned. “What can I say? She’s hot!”

“Fine.” I clicked and the pictures came back up. I didn’t even close out the window with queen hottie in it. I just moved to another tab to look up that spell. I didn’t want to miss out on one moment of that hotness on my screen.

“Damn,” Colin said.

“Move over buddy,” I said. “Because I saw her first!”

“Great. Now you’re going to try and overthrow her and seduce her? Good luck with that.”

“Let’s just say I’m looking forward to this shindig a lot more than I was.”

“I’m stoked too, and not because I’m looking forward to dethroning or bedding the queen. Though I guess bedding her might be a lot of fun, now that I think about it.”

I rolled my eyes. “Neither one of us are getting close to her, so you might as well forget it. What I’m really looking forward to is finally facing a real challenge. Nothing like the scrubs around here.”

“Excuse me?”

I fixed Colin with a level stare that communicated how I was feeling so much more effectively than any words ever could. After a moment his shoulder slumped and he looked away.

“I guess you are the best around here,” he muttered.

“You don’t have to sound so dejected. It’s just a simple statement of fact.”

“I’m good though! At least when I’m not going toe to toe with you,” he said.

“Right, and I’m good when I go toe to toe with anyone. That makes me the best, and everyone else around here scrubs. It’s not an insult. It’s just the way the world works.”

“Can’t wait to see you get your ass handed to you at the Gathering then,” Colin said. “It’ll be interesting to see you develop a taste for humble pie.”

“Maybe. Maybe not,” I retorted. “We don’t know how good these people are.”

“The best players coming in from around the world? The queen participating directly? We won’t have a chance if we don’t join a faction.”

I sighed. And here we’d come full circle. Back to the same thing Colin griped about every time we went to an Alternate Realms gathering. The entire time we were traveling to the event he griped about how we needed to join a faction to survive. The entire time we were at the event he was looking around in terror even though I always kept us alive and on top. The entire way home he went on about how great his plan was for us to go it alone, as though he had anything to do with it.

“If you do your usual thing on the ride out there I’m going to leave you by the side of the road Colin. I want you to know that.”

Colin grinned down at me. “But I’m the one driving. It’s my car!”

“I didn’t say it would be easy to leave you by the side of the road. Just that I fully plan on doing it if it becomes necessary.”

“Just remember that you might be a big fish in our small pond, Anna, but out there at the Gathering you’re going up against whales and you’re just a shark,” Colin said.

“Even better,” I said with a grin. “Whales are nice and big and squishy. Sharks have teeth.”

“Well that really depends on what kind of shark you’re…”

Colin trailed off as I fixed him with another deadpan glare that I sincerely hoped communicated just how little I wanted a lesson on shark biology or how many varieties of shark there were in the world.

“Right. So we should probably nail down some plans…”

I drifted off. Movement at my cubicle door caught my attention. Speaking of a shark swimming in amongst the minnows. Sheila didn’t stop or say anything, but then again it’s not like she really had to. The point was clear enough. We’d shot the shit long enough, and it was time to get back to work.

I probably should, considering my plans for leaving all potential contact with work at home. Some of the older guys talked about a magical time before instantaneous worldwide communication when going on vacation meant you actually went on vacation. It sounded nice, but to be safe and avoid a shouting match when I got back it was time to get some stuff done.

“Right. We’ll talk later. Can’t wait for the weekend. We’re going to the Gathering!” Colin said.

I grinned and couldn’t help but squeal just a little. We might have our own reasons for going. Me to test myself against the best players in the world. Colin to see me get knocked down a peg or two while testing myself against the best players in the world. Either way it promised to be one hell of an awesome week!

Just for good measure I pulled up that slideshow of queen Erin and put it on repeat on my second monitor. Hey, it was a lot less creepy than some of the slideshows and wallpapers some of the other guys in the department had. Particularly Japan Dan, though the less said about those questionable cartoons that eventually got him shitcanned the better.

It was time to work hard for a couple of days, then play hard for a week!

3: Dread

“That’s it. I’m not going this year.”

“What? You can’t just not go!” Trevor said.

I fixed him with my best glare. It rolled over him like it was nothing. Obviously the terror of showing up at the Gathering and not being in the retinue of Queen Erin the great and powerful, the ever victorious, the perpetually bored, was far more of a threat to him than one of my glares.

I sighed. “The game is so boring! This is going to be like the fourth year.”

“Fifth, actually,” Danielle said. “You took the throne in the first year, and you’ve defended it for three years running.”

I slammed my hand down on the table. Everyone looked up in surprise, suddenly paying attention. It irritated me to no end that they just treated this like it was a gravy train that was going to keep rolling on forever. It irritated me even more that they didn’t seem to care whether or not I was having fun as long as the gravy train was chugging down the tracks. Wasn’t the whole damn point of playing a game like this having fun?

Well Alternate Realms hadn’t been much fun for me in awhile. Show up at an event. Give everyone a special blessing that only the queen could bestow. Deal with some court intrigue, but not much because everyone in all the factions were so terrified of crossing me and losing favor that they never bothered to make a move against me, and pack it all up at the end of the event.

At least ARealms was nice enough to pay for us to go to all of these events. They’d also been nice enough to schedule the next Gathering, the biggest they’d ever hosted, just a few short hours from my home city. Everyone else in the group was stoked.

I wish I could feel the same way.

“Give me one good reason why I should go to this thing,” I said.

“If you don’t then ARealms will give the crown to someone else and we’ll have to start paying to attend these events again,” Trevor pointed out.

“I’m failing to see how that’s my problem,” I said.

“You’re also sort of contractually obligated to show up at those things as long as you’re the queen and they’re paying us to come out,” Danielle said. “If you agreed to come to one of their things and then didn’t show they could probably sue you for breach of contract or something.”

I buried my head in my hands and started massaging at my temples. I wanted to play a new game. Sure Alternate Realms had been fucking awesome when it came out. Combining live action role-playing with a phone app that tracked all your statistics for you and updated them live and on the fly? I could kiss the genius son-of-a-bitch who came up with that idea. Actually I had kissed half of the duo that came up with the initial idea. I kissed her quite thoroughly and all over at Gathering 2 or 3. They were all starting to run together. Hot and rich? I was all about that until she also turned out to be dreadfully boring when talking about anything other than this game.

This damn game. I happened to get in early, take over, and now I couldn’t get anyone to attack me and make things interesting. I was like a mafia don who everyone was afraid to approach, and it was making everything so dull. The idea of going to one more of these Gatherings had all the appeal of getting a tooth drilled without any anesthetic, only less fun.

“What if I just fake a sickness to get out of it?” I asked.

“Why are you so intent about getting out of it anyways?” Trevor asked.

“Because there are no new worlds to conquer! I’m at the top of the game and there’s nothing else to do but look pretty and wave. I’m less useful than the Queen of fucking England. I’m a pretty ornament the company trots out talking about how great it is, but it sucks because no one ever comes at me.”

“So? It’s a pretty sweet gig you’ve got! Top player in the best AR game out there!” Danielle said.

I poked a finger at her and sent some of my fries spilling. I grimaced and wondered what all those players who stared at me when we were at ARealms events would think if they saw us sitting here in a fast food place talking about the game. Not that I should even be eating fries like that. They went straight to a couple parts of my body that meant I had to spend a lot of extra time in the gym keeping them under control.

“It’s a pretty sweet gig for you two, you mean. You show up and get to have all the fun of swishing around with the royal party, and then you get to go off and have your intrigues and your role-playing fun while I’m stuck in the palace waiting for other faction leaders to stop by and tell me how wonderful I am.”

“What about the groupies?” Trevor asked.

“You’ve never pulled a groupie in your life, Trev.”

I giggled and reached out to slap the hand Danielle offered for a high five. That burn was some seriously low hanging fruit, but it felt good. I was in a mood where I needed to snap at something. Needed to sink my claws in. Trevor just happened to be handy. The poor guy.

He retaliated by sticking his tongue out at me. Okay, not the classiest of moves, but then again it’s not like insulting his masculinity right out the gate was the classiest move on my part.

“I’m talking about you. If you don’t go to this thing then you’re going to miss out on all that primo fangirl tail you pull at these things every year.”

Danielle rolled her eyes. “Yeah right Trevor. Like appealing to her horniness is going to work.”

I stroked my chin for a moment and thought about that. A smile came to my face as I thought of some of the fun I’d had over the years. ARealms always put together a castle at the center of their playing field for me to hang out in, and ever since my dalliance with one of the co-founders, that had to be year two, there’d conveniently been a room in those castles that contained a little cot that was just big enough for two people. I figured that was a lasting “thank you” from Darla for all the fun we’d had that week two or three years ago.

“Actually the man might have a point. I do tend to have a lot of fun at those events,” I said.

Honestly it was starting to feel like my only love life came at these events. Not that it was surprising since it seemed like every other weekend I was being dragged to an event thanks to ARealms trying to expand their video gaming empire.

“You can’t be serious,” Danielle said.

“Hey, these things are my only social outlet since it’s the only thing we ever do. Give me a break!”

“I’ve got an even better reason for you to go to this thing. Better than any fangirl groupie you might run into who wants a roll in the hay with the queen just to say she did,” Danielle said.

I cocked an eyebrow. “What on earth could possibly be better than having a roll in the hay with some newbie who’s a little star struck? Because I’ve got a shortlist in my mind and none of it is really coming out on top.”

“Yeah? Well think about it. This is the biggest one of these things ARealms has ever put on. They’re flying in their best players from around the world. This isn’t the nationals. This thing is going to be international.”

“So?”

“So think about it! You’re not just going up against the best this country has to offer. You’ve beat all of them before. You’re going up against the best the world has to offer! You’ll be able to say you’re the best player in the whole world!”

“But I already am the best player in the whole world…”

“You sure about that?” Trevor asked. “We’ve never been to one of the international events before. Figures ARealms started footing the bill for international travel right when their big event is in our backyard. You don’t know that there isn’t someone lurking out there from another country who isn’t better than you.

I knew when I was being manipulated. As I looked at the smiles on both their faces I knew they were trying to pull a fast one on me. They were trying to get me to give in by appealing to my ego and vanity, and much to my annoyance it was working.

“You two are fucking devious. I want you to know that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Danielle said.

“You’re trying to make this thing seem like it’ll actually be a challenge.”

“But it will be a challenge!” Danielle said. “Plus we’ll get to see all our friends…”

“You mean you’ll get to see that queen’s guard you shacked up with in the back room of the castle the last time we were at one of these events?”

Danielle’s face went pale. “You knew about that?”

Trevor barked out a laugh. “Dani dear, everyone knew about that! Those walls aren’t exactly soundproof, you know.”

Danielle’s face went from pale to bright red as she realized belatedly just how public her love life had become. Whoops. Not that I could blame her. We all hooked up at those things.

“I still don’t want to go.”

Both of them looked stunned. I almost wanted to smile. It was obvious the two of them had been expecting something like this so they’d worked up that routine between the two of them. Seeing the looks on their faces when they realized I was onto their bullshit and I wasn’t falling for it was classic.

“But we have to go!” Danielle whined. “I don’t care if you heard. I need another go with Ivan!”

“Ivan?” Trevor laughed again. “The guy’s name is Ivan? Seriously?”

“Shut up Trevor,” Danielle said. “You’re just mad that no guys ever hit on you.”

“Oh I don’t know about that. Let’s just say that a certain someone stole my heart when I was out negotiating with the thieves’ camp last year…”

“You slut! I had no idea he was gay!”

“Well Nathan isn’t, but his second in command Dave sure as hell is! It was a lot of fun playing the thief king and the captive royal messenger,” he said.

I rubbed my fingers against my temples. Once again I could see what they were doing, and it looked like we’d come full circle back to their initial attempt to entice me. If they weren’t going to lure me out there with the promise of fighting off some of the best players from around the world then they were going to try and remind me of the promise of knocking boots with some of the numerous attractive, and usually kinky and into role-playing, individuals who populated these events.

“Guys, the two of you really aren’t helping your case here.”

Both turned and looked at me with that same annoyed expression again. Both blinked in unison. Again it almost would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so damn irritating.

“It isn’t?”

“You’re just reminding me of all the creepers who come up and start hitting on me,” I said.

“So?” Danielle countered. “There might be lots of guys who creep on you, but eventually they figure out they’re barking up the wrong tree and you always find some pretty little thing to cuddle up with at night.”

I sighed. “You two aren’t going to give up on this until I give in, are you?”

Danielle leaned forward over the table, stabbing a ketchup covered fry in my direction and nearly causing some of that ketchup to go flying onto my shirt.

“Look at it this way, Erin. You know deep down you’re not going to give this up. The challenge, the groupies, all of that’s nice but it isn’t why you go to these things.”

“It isn’t?”

“Nope, it isn’t,” Trevor said. “You know it. We know it. You’re going to be in that car when it’s time to go out to the big event.”

“And why is that?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“Because you’re not going to give this up. It’s the one time of year when a poor grad student becomes a star overnight complete with huge corporations paying you to show up and groupies throwing themselves at you. You’re addicted to that small slice of the good life, and you’re not going to give it up just because you’re bored with the game.”

I flipped Danielle the bird. She smiled and returned the gesture. At the end of the day my friends knew me far too well. They knew just how to manipulate me.

“I hate you. Now how early are we leaving?”

4: To the Gathering

“This weekend is going to be so fucking awesome!” Colin said.

“You’re damn right it is!”

My phone started buzzing. I looked down, half expecting a call, but it was just another warning. Colin glanced over and then into his rear view mirror when he realized what my phone was telling me. An area-of-effect ward that was attached to my character was going off which meant there was a potential hostile coming up on us in the game, and coming up on us fast.

I flipped open the map portion of the game app. Out here on the open road it worked perfectly in a way that it just didn’t in enclosed buildings. Sure enough there was a red dot moving closer and closer. When I moved from the gameworld map overlay, a fantasyscape that bore absolutely no resemblance to the cornfields whizzing past outside, to the real world map it became even more obvious that this potential threat was coming up behind us rapidly and following the line of the Interstate.

“Hostile?” Colin asked.

“No way to know. I’m going to cloak us again.”

Colin sighed, but didn’t protest. Sure there were stories online about epic battles taking place on the highways. There were also concerned articles from reporters who didn’t know anything about the game interviewing cops who didn’t know anything about video games at all. Talking about accidents that had been caused by people playing Alternate Realms instead of paying attention to the road.

I didn’t see how playing Alternate Realms was any different than texting, but better to not get involved in one of those situations in the first place. I switched over to my spell screen and put up a cloaking spell that would keep us hidden from all but the highest level mages.

“Y’know we could just deactivate our characters until we get off the road,” Colin said.

“What would be the fun in that?” I asked. “If we do that then we don’t have people driving up on us thinking they’re getting easy pickings then seeing our characters disappear. Besides, this is the kind of fun we never get to enjoy back home. It’s a highway teeming with Alternate Realms players! How fun is that?”

“It’s the kind of fun that could get our characters killed before we even make it to the Gathering. You know what happens then.”

“Yeah, we have to wait until tomorrow to play unless someone can resurrect us. I don’t see what the big deal is there. The campground at the Gathering is a neutral zone where there’s no player versus player action, and we don’t go into the playing area until tomorrow morning anyways.”

“I guess you have a point. Besides, with that invisibility spell they might just think we chickened out and logged out,” Colin said.

“Not a chance. Our icons would show blue for a minute if we did that. This way we just disappear. This way they know there’s a shark swimming somewhere out there and they need to be careful.”

“You’re having too much fun with this,” Colin said.

“You know it!”

I was having too much fun with this. Normally I’d run into a few people playing Alternate Realms outside the office. Maybe I’d frag a kid who thought he was hot shit in a mall food court or take out somebody at a traffic light. Driving out to the annual gathering, though, was something else entirely. The highway was lousy with people cruising towards the big event, and most of them kept their characters flagged on the road. It meant that I was quite literally riding shotgun making sure nobody took out our characters on our way to the Gathering, and it really had the adrenaline pumping even though it was just a video game.

“Whoa, this asshole is coming up on us fast,” Colin said.

“I know. It’s like they don’t even know I can see them,” I said. I was still looking at the screen and if anything it seemed like that red dot coming towards us had picked up speed since I went invisible.

“What are you talking about?” Colin asked.

I pointed to my screen. “Those people who were coming up behind us with their characters flagged? They picked up speed when I went invisible.”

“Yeah? I think they’re coming up behind us right now, and they’re not exactly obeying the rules of the road.”

“Huh. Maybe we should teach them a lesson?”

“No way Anna,” Colin said. “I don’t want to be a victim of Realms rage.”

I rolled my eyes. “You don’t seriously believe that bullshit, do you?”

“What about that guy out in Nevada?”

“You mean the guy who slept with his best friend’s sister, got the crap kicked out of him for it, and then the parents blamed it on Alternate Realms after the fact?”

“Oh. I didn’t hear the whole story.”

“You never do. Now are you ready to teach these assholes a lesson?”

Our conversation was interrupted by a frantic beeping from my phone. I looked down in time to see the game switch from the map view to the local grid. Basically a zoomed in map without all the detail that showed enemies and their spells coming at you. A fireball was streaking towards a car two cars back. Then the car jerked forward in the passing lane and another fireball streaked out towards the car right behind us.

“Huh. Looks like they’re hitting every car in the right lane,” I said. “And risking causing an accident in the process, I might add.”

“Makes sense. They can’t see us so they’re just attacking anything that moves because they know we’re out here somewhere.”

“Should I be worried? Do I need to log out?”

“Patience, Colin. Everyone who’s come by us on the road has been a scrub. I don’t see why these guys would be any different.”

I looked at the fireball they were firing off. Either they were trying to disguise how powerful they really were, entirely possible, or they weren’t all that high a level in the first place. I grinned.

“I don’t like that grin, Anna,” Colin said. “What are you up to?”

“Those assholes should know that a minnow doesn’t go poking every fish in the ocean when one of them might turn out to be a great white.”

I dug in my pack. Pulled out my trusty set of plastic Alternate Realms glasses. I plugged them into the audio jack on my phone and immediately little LEDs that looked for all the world like the display on one of those lame LED handhelds my brother still had lying around the bottom of his toy box when we were kids.

“Um, Anna? Isn’t that going to give us away?”

“Probably, but it doesn’t matter. They can’t touch us.”

The car pulled up next to ours. A guy in the passenger seat who looked like he was entirely too young to be going to the Gathering looked over and blinked when he saw me sitting there with my glasses on. They were distinctive enough, looking like slightly oversized safety goggles that glowed slightly from the LED overlay. I leaned past Colin and waved at them with a huge grin on my face that I hoped was sufficiently predatory, but from the way the guy flipped us off and started tapping on his phone he didn’t get the message.

Another fireball leapt out from their car towards ours. Though of course in the real world there was no indication that anything was going on. Well, aside from their car staying next to ours instead of passing. In the virtual world of Alternate Realms, though, everything happened fast. The display on my glasses told me a fireball was incoming and lines tracked as it came for me and went harmlessly right through. Down on my phone’s screen it showed the fireball moving from one side of the grid, through us, and to the other side.

I tapped a quick message into the local grid chat. Usually characters just spoke face to face, but the developers had helpfully put this feature in for the rare occasion, like driving, when face to face contact wasn’t possible.

“My turn! ;)”

I took a moment to decide what spell would work the best. There were so many to choose from. Ultimately I decided a nice jumping lightning spell would do the trick. There were three in the car, all of them flagged, and since they’d entered combat they couldn’t log out even if they could see their doom staring them down. I tapped the spell button on my phone and lightning shot out to their car, instantly killing all three of their characters.

The reaction was immediate. They started screaming and the guy slammed on his brakes, very nearly causing an accident with a massive pickup truck behind him that had been riding his ass because he was staying even with us instead of passing. They recovered without an accident, but I found my adrenaline pumping for a very different reason for a moment.

Okay, so maybe some of those stories about Alternate Realms causing accidents were true. Still, it would be that asshole’s fault for slamming on the brakes over a video game of all things.

“You nearly caused an accident,” Colin said.

“Correction. The prick in that car nearly caused an accident. I’m just playing a game in the passenger seat of a car being all responsible.”

“You’re cold, Anna.”

My stomach grumbled just as he said that. “Yeah, I might be cold, but I could do with a hot meal right about now.”

The car filled with now-deceased players drove past us again flipping us off. I looked up for a moment to return the gesture then looked back down. I couldn’t really make out much in the way of detail in their car, but I wanted to make sure they wouldn’t be able to recognize me when we got to the Gathering. No, if I was showing up at this thing then I didn’t want people to know how high level my character was. All the more fun when I did a big reveal.

“Making friends,” Colin said, his voice level.

“Hey, they deserved it. Now how about that food?”

Luckily there was a huge combination truck stop and diner at the next exit. The kind that can be found dotting the landscape on interstates all over the country. Trucks pulled in and out on one side while cars parked on the other side.

“A truck stop diner?” Colin asked, disdain dripping off his voice.

“What’s wrong with that? It’s good old fashioned Americana you’re eating!”

“How about we just get a soda and some chips and wait for a fast food joint down the road?”

I sighed and my stomach grumbled again. I could really go for some real food, but chips and a soda would do the trick and tide me over until we could find something more substantial.

“I’m not going to convince you to eat there?”

“And get a side of botulism or salmonella with my burger and fries? No thank you,” Colin said.

I sighed. Colin really could be fussy sometimes, and when he got like this there was no convincing him.

“You’re really going to be in for a shock when we’re roughing it at the Gathering,” I said. “Unless you think cooking around a campfire is as healthy as a restaurant that has health inspectors coming through on the regular.”

“I’ll take my chances until we get to the Gathering, thank you very much,” Colin said.

The rest area was pretty big. It was one of those massive deals that had showers and a whole section dedicated to the sort of things truckers would need on the road. Movies, radio equipment, mud flaps featuring scantily clad women. I gave that section a miss and headed for the chips. I was looking over a large selection of salty fattening deliciousness when I felt a buzz in my pocket.

I pulled my phone out, glanced down, and was immediately on guard. It was flashing red. Someone in this truck stop was logged in, and it definitely wasn’t Colin because I’d specifically flagged him as a friendly when I set up the ward. We might go at each other in the office, but for this trip we were the staunchest of allies.

The chips were forgotten. I pulled up a detect spell and the phone brought up a grid pointing off towards the diner. Okay, maybe it was a good thing we didn’t go in there after all. We might have been walking right into a trap. I watched the local map grid for a moment, but whoever was in there was staying still. They didn’t know someone was out here hunting them.

I grinned. Nice to know the precautions I’d taken were actually working.

I peered into the diner and my breath caught. I figured I’d find some players sitting in there enjoying a late lunch, but I hadn’t expected to see the queen herself sitting in there laughing with her friends. Holy shit!

And she was even more gorgeous in person than in those pictures. No, it was obvious watching her chatting with her friends that she had an easy grace about her that complimented her beauty. I felt weak in the knees as I stared, and then I caught myself. Staring was never a good thing, and it was a recipe for a quick death in Alternate Realms if they realized I was scoping them out. I leaned against the wall and struggled to catch my breath, and as I brought my breathing under control I realized I could hear their conversation.

“So how many confirmed kills is that?” a male voice asked.

“At least a dozen,” a second voice, female, said. I wondered if that was her majesty.

“Well they don’t really have a chance when her majesty is out throwing around the spells, do they?” a third female voice said. That meant the second one belonged to the queen. To Erin.

So. It seemed that her majesty was doing the same thing I was on the open road. It also seemed that her majesty was having one hell of a good time. Blood pumped behind my ears and I felt lightheaded. Both because this was the gorgeous Erin I’d been fantasizing about for most of the week sitting in there doing the mundane business of eating lunch at a greasy diner and because this was the queen of Alternate Realms sitting in there like a sitting duck just waiting for some opportunistic and powerful sorceress to have a little fun.

And it just so happened that I knew a friendly powerful sorceress who was willing to do something stupid in the name of a virtual dick measuring contest. Not that either of us had dicks, but the metaphor still worked well enough.

I pulled up my phone and quickly glanced through my list of spells trying to decide which one would be best for this situation. I had to move fast. At any moment I expected to hear the telltale beeping sound from one of their warding spells warning them that someone was looking through their spell list nearby and might mean them harm. The game was set to flag anybody who was a potential unfriendly.

The beeping never came. Could they really be sitting in there with no protections at all? Especially after they were bragging about all the people they’d taken out on the road? Were they really that overconfident?

There was also the possibility that they were just that good. That they didn’t need any warding spells because their characters were so powerful that they’d be able to knock out anything I threw at them. Only one way to find out though.

I decided on a fireball. Nice. Simple. Elegant. High enough level that it had a good chance of doing some serious damage even if it wasn’t going to take them out. I just wanted them to know there were some serious players in the room and then get the hell out of here. I didn’t want to start a war or anything.

I peered around the entrance to the diner again. Sure it wasn’t strictly necessary that I have line of sight in the real world as long as I had line of sight in the virtual world, but I wanted to see this. I wanted to see the first real challenge I was going to face on my way to the Gathering. I hit the fire button and my phone switched to the local grid.

The fireball flew out and my phone made the telltale sound at full volume, the game was set to override every mute setting short of ripping the speaker out of your phone. Their reaction was immediate and comical. The guy actually ducked under their table, as though that would do him any good. The reaction was also too late. On screen my fireball slammed into the dots representing their characters. It landed with a spectacular animation that showed splash damage being done to all three.

“What the hell!” the guy screamed from his hiding spot under the table.

The death notification rang out across the diner. I blinked. Did I really just take out the queen? Did that mean I was queen too now, or did the assassination have to be done at the Gathering to be legally binding? The dude and the girl, not Erin the queen, looked down at their phones and started swearing up a storm. The few other people in the diner were looking around as though they expected an attack to come from somewhere, though they looked more the trucker type and less the Alternate Realms type so they were probably okay.

Erin merely looked down at her phone, calm as could be, and then looked up. Straight at me. We locked eyes and I was paralyzed. That gaze. Those eyes. That face. I was under a spell that was setting me on fire and it had nothing to do with any of the spells in Alternate Realms.

“What’s going on? I thought I heard AR death sounds over here,” Colin said, ripping me away from Erin and her hypnotic gaze.

That question brought me back to reality. Or back to Alternate Reality. I’d just thrown a fireball at the queen of Alternate Realms and killed two of her friends in the offing. Sure it was their fault for not being prepared, but I had a feeling that retribution was going to be swift and messy. I grabbed Colin by the arm and yanked him towards the exit.

“What are you doing? I haven’t paid for this stuff yet!”

I batted the chips and soda out of his hand. “No time for that. We need to get the hell out of here. Now!”

We reached the door and I turned to look towards the diner one last time. She was standing there. The queen. Erin. Staring at me. I expected my character’s imminent death, but instead a small smile played across her face and she nodded ever so slightly. A gesture of respect.

“What the… holy shit!” Colin said, his eyes finally falling on the queen and probably putting together at least part of what had just happened. “What did you do Anna?”

There’d be plenty of time to explain later. For now I grabbed him again and pulled him out of the diner, thankful that I was going to survive this encounter with the queen and not incur her wrath. Disappointed that I didn’t actually get to meet her, talk with her, and maybe explore some strong feelings on the other end of the emotional spectrum.

5: Digital Destruction

I stared at the girl for a moment. There was just something about her that drew my attention. She had the whole cute girl next door thing going for her with a dusting of freckles on her cheeks that I just wanted to kiss.

There was no doubt in my mind she was the one who’d just attacked us. I didn’t even need to look at the local map grid on my phone or pull out my glasses, a custom set given to me by the development team at ARealms, to know that she was flagged and logged into the game.

No, the panicked way she was bolting for the door and tossing food out of her friend’s hands made it obvious enough who she was. Someone who didn’t want to get caught. Someone who was in a hurry to get the hell out of Dodge.

Someone who set my pulse racing when she turned to look at me and bit her lip.

Damn.

Then she was gone. The door to the gas station portion of the rest stop chimed as they stepped through.

“Did you see who did it?” Danielle asked. “I was tracking someone logged in on the local grid, but it wasn’t giving me a lock on them because my character was dead.”

“No,” I lied. “Didn’t see anyone.”

I’m not sure why I lied. It’s not like it would be a big deal to let them know there was a stunningly beautiful girl out there who was obviously a pretty high level magic user with some skill in using that magic. That was the sort of thing that gave you an edge at the Gathering.

But no. I wanted to save that moment, that sexy look while she was biting her lip, just for me. Besides, having a shark like that swimming amongst the minnows when they didn’t even realize it had the potential to make things interesting at this year’s Gathering.

I desperately needed something to keep things interesting. Taking potshots at people driving to the Gathering was boring no matter how much I acted like it was a good time around Danielle and Trevor. It was just an indication that I could look forward to more of the same old same old this year.

“So who do you think it was?” Danielle asked. She was peering at a trucker whose T-shirt was doing a completely inadequate job of containing his massive gut. It was a wonder the guy could get behind the wheel of his truck with a stomach of that size. As though any of those guys would be playing Alternate Realms.

Something told me the interstate system was probably pretty devoid of Alternate Realms players at any other time of the year.

It suddenly occurred to me that I could have some fun with this though. Maybe try and keep Danielle and Trevor on their toes while at the same time getting the rumor mill going when we reached the Gathering. I wasn’t above stirring the pot occasionally. Especially since stirring the pot was the only fun left to me considering that before ten minutes ago it had been years since someone had attacked me.

“Finding us in the diner like that was too convenient,” I said. “People know what city I live in and they know the likeliest route I’m going to take to get to the Gathering. It’s obvious someone out there in one of the factions is trying to move against us.”

Danielle blinked. “Seriously? You think that was deliberate?”

I didn’t think anything of the sort, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. I almost felt bad about using my friend like this, but I knew there was no better way to get a rumor started than by letting a detail drop to Trevor or Danielle. They enjoyed having inside knowledge, one of the perks of being best friends with the queen, and what better way to show off that insider knowledge than by spreading the good gossip their positions afforded them?

“It does make sense,” Daniele said.

“Of course it makes sense. A fireball aimed right at me? That screams assassin!”

The girl I saw seemed like anything but. She had a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye that I recognized. I felt a kinship with that girl even though I hadn’t even gotten a chance to talk to her. I recognized the look of someone who was stirring the pot just because the pot was there and it looked like fun.

No, what happened here is there was a new player traveling to the Gathering. A very powerful and crafty player who knew her business and managed to get the drop on my friends even if I’d been prepared. A player who might provide a challenge once we got to the Gathering, and I found myself looking forward to that almost as much as I was looking forward to the opportunity to spend more time with that beauty.

Assuming I could find her in the thousands of people who were attending. I wasn’t too worried, though. If she was audacious enough to try and take me on in a rest stop diner then I had a good feeling we’d be seeing each other again at the Gathering.

“Whoever it was, they managed to get both of us,” Danielle said.

“Oh I know. I heard the notification right after the fireball went off. Sloppy.”

“Tell me about it. Sending out a fireball like that? I mean what were they thinking?”

“I was referring to you and Trevor when I said it was sloppy. You both got yourselves killed. I don’t know why you’re going on about what a bad player the person who got the drop on you was.”

“Hey!”

Danielle sounded insulted, but there wasn’t much heat to her voice. I turned to her and she was blushing. Obviously it embarrassed her that someone got the drop on her and now she was compensating, but I wasn’t going to put up with that crap. If someone took you out then you owned it and learned from it.

The problem was that Danielle and Trevor had spent so much time enjoying the ride on my metaphorical coattails that they’d forgotten how to play the game. That was assuming they ever really knew how to play it in the first place. The jury was still out on that one.

“So are you going to resurrect me?” Danielle asked.

I turned and arched an eyebrow. No words were necessary. Danielle sighed and put her hands on her hips.

“Come on. You’re not going to get pissy now of all times, are you? You need us to protect you!”

“Protect me? I’m the only one who’s done anything on this trip, and the one time we come under a real attack the two of you get killed leaving me to fend for myself!”

“How did you survive that anyways?” Danielle asked.

“That’s for people who actually survive in this game to know,” I said.

It was simple enough. I’d taken the time to set up a couple of shielding spells that took the brunt of the damage when that fireball went off. Of course that also had the unintended consequence of deflecting and amplifying most of the damage from said fireball onto my friends’ characters killing them instantly, but that was as much their fault for not bothering with their own protection as it was mine for picking something that put the people surrounding me in more danger than usual.

Still, I knew she wasn’t going to let up until I told her how I survived, and I wasn’t going to go into it with her. The last thing I wanted was to get into another spirited discussion about her and Trevor’s habit of ignoring basic fundamentals. So instead I pulled up my spells and cast one that brought her character back into the realm of the living, though with a lot less health than she’d usually have if she was ready for a fight.

The resurrection sound piped from the game on her phone. She looked down with a smile that quickly turned to a frown.

“You used a low level rez spell on me? Seriously?”

“Think of it as a lesson in being more prepared. I can’t protect the two of you all the time, you know,” I said.

Danielle sighed and then groaned in frustration. “Fine mom. Anything else?”

“Go take care of Trevor and then we’ll head out. And make sure to get a receipt so we can comp ARealms for this.”

“Sure thing,” Danielle said. “You’re not coming?”

“I’m going to hang out here for a few and run guard duty. Make sure nothing else crazy happens while we’re trying to pull together.”

“Would be easier if you gave me a full resurrection instead of this halfassed stuff,” Danielle muttered as she went back into the diner.

I ignored her. She had no way of knowing there was no real threat out there. Just the hope on my part that the specter of a real threat might be enough to whip her and Trevor out of the complacency they’d developed from their years in the royal entourage.

Instead I moved over to the front entrance and looked out. They weren’t out there. I’m not sure what I was expecting considering how quickly they’d been trying to get away from me. Maybe she was afraid I was going to try and retaliate instead of just being impressed that someone had a pair big enough to take a shot at me. Not to mention being distracted by the sexy, but that was neither here nor there.

I really hoped I’d run into that girl at the Gathering. Sexy and confident. It seemed like an interesting combination. If she was interested in girls, something that seemed like a definite possibility considering the way she bit her lip when she looked at me, then it would be yahtzee all around.

“We’ll have to be on our guard at the Gathering,” Danielle said, coming up behind me and distracting me from thoughts of my sexy virtual assailant. It pleased me that Danielle was already thinking in terms of being careful.

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Trevor standing beside her with a properly embarrassed look on his face. No words were necessary with him either. He sighed and rolled his eyes when I looked at him. Yeah, he knew he’d screwed up. It had been so long since anyone attacked us that they just assumed it couldn’t happen. They were overconfident and needed to be knocked down a peg or two.

I could do without the peg knocking, of course. The girl hadn’t managed to off my character despite trying with a pretty damn powerful spell.

“Just make sure you aren’t letting your guard down in the future,” I said. “That’s how you get offed. I just hope word of this doesn’t spread. Other people might get the idea that it’s open season on the Alternate Realms royalty.”

Trevor and Danielle exchanged wordless glances, though I didn’t need them to say anything. I knew exactly what was going on. They’d probably already been messaging their friends telling them all about what just happened and now they were trying to figure out if they should tell me or not.

“So are we ready to go?” I asked. “We need to get there early enough that I can go around to all the camps and give the pre-Gathering royal buffs.”

“Yeah, getting out of here sounds like a good idea,” Trevor said, seizing on the lifeline he didn’t know I was throwing him.

A few minutes later we were back on the open road and I had my phone out and my custom glasses on scanning the road. She was out there somewhere. A little voice told me that the girl was probably speeding well ahead of us to avoid any chance of us catching up and exacting revenge. That same little voice also whispered that someone that confident wouldn’t log out of the game.

Still, there was the chance that one of the many dots showing up on my map display when I cast a spell to reveal players could be her. I could hope. And if they weren’t then I could have a little fun with target practice to pass the time until we got to the Gathering.

A Gathering that I was truly looking forward to for the first time in years. That girl was going to be there somewhere, and I had to travel to each of the camps to give the queen’s blessing, an area of effect buff that had a very small radius which necessitated the queen traveling to most of the campfires at the Gathering.

Most years it was exhausting and just one more reason why I didn’t look forward to another live Alternate Realms event, but this year it meant I’d have the perfect opportunity to track down that mysterious girl.

I couldn’t wait to see her again.

6: First Night

“So you see the queen, the most powerful player in the whole damn game, at a random truck stop diner.”

“Yup.”

“Surrounded by a couple of her friends who are also presumably pretty damn powerful.”

“You’d think.”

“And your first inclination is to attack them? What the hell were you thinking?”

“To be fair, I did manage to kill two out of three.”

“And to be fair the only reason we’re still alive is because I peeled out of that truck stop faster than the law allows!”

“I think you’re looking at this whole thing the wrong way Colin,” I said.

“Yeah? Because it’s looking like you’re starting off the Gathering by doing something that’s stupid and likely to get us killed before we even get there!”

“It’s not like it matters,” I said. “The campsite is an out of character zone and everyone gets resurrected the next morning anyways.”

“That’s beside the point!”

“Then what is the point?”

Colin sighed. I glanced over and noticed he was holding the steering wheel in a white knuckled grip. I decided it might be time to make a peace offering. I didn’t want him stressed out while he was steering a giant hulk of metal that was hurtling down the interstate at seventy miles per hour.

“Come on Colin. We weren’t ever in any danger and everything worked out.”

“That’s what you always say. You do something stupid and you say that it’ll work out.”

“To be fair it always does.”

Colin sighed. “You’re going to be like this all weekend, aren’t you?”

“Probably.”

He shook his head and a grin spread across his face. “It’s certainly never a dull moment when you’re around, and even though I’m worried for my character’s future I have a sneaking suspicion it’s everyone else at the Gathering who needs to watch out.”

“Probably,” I said with a grin of my own.

I felt the car slow as we moved towards an exit with a big sign welcoming Alternate Realms players to the annual Gathering. It said we were still a couple of miles away from the Gathering, but I felt my skin prickling. I glanced down at my area map and it was lousy with bright dots indicating players. There were so many that the phone started to stutter from overload, something that never happened before.

I blinked. That was interesting. I had a fairly new phone with some decent power under the hood. It had never stuttered for anything. Thankfully after a moment everything loaded and then the dots were moving around. I marveled at the feat of engineering required for ARealms to get that many people to show up on the game screen at the same time. No one ever appreciated just how hard that had been, but as a coder myself I always felt those magnificent bastards deserved every cent they earned on this audacious and addicting game.

“Do you think we should log out? Gonna be dangerous as we get closer,” Colin said.

Only no sooner had he said that than all the dots on my screen turned from the angry red of potential threats to a happy green color that indicated everyone in the area was a friendly. I looked out the window. We weren’t even halfway down the offramp and there was no convenient location for people to snipe at players getting off the offramp. There were even a couple of cop cars with lights flashing as though to drive home the point that there would be no funny business tolerated that could potentially snarl traffic.

It seemed that ARealms had thought of everything.

“Looks like we’re already in the safe zone,” I said.

“Good. Means I don’t have to worry about you going crazy and pissing people off before we get to the camp.”

The camp ended up being a sprawling affair that looked like something straight out of an old civil war picture of a war camp. Except there were far fewer heavily bearded men sporting guns and the tents were a variety of colors and sizes instead of the uniform white you saw in those old black and white photos.

“Looks like we’re here,” Colin said.

We parked and got our own tent out. The campground was set up in a series of circles. Each circle had a massive bonfire in the middle, a wider circle of hay bales for people to sit on, and then bare spots for tents. At least in theory there were supposed to be bare spots.

“Damn. We’re going to have trouble finding a spot,” I said.

“And we got here early!” Colin said.

“Not early enough. We need to get our asses in gear unless you want to room with some stranger.”

Spots were being snatched up and fights were breaking up before security people showed up to break them up. I saw one shouting match break out where a woman was jumping from spot to spot saying they were saved for her friends who were showing up in a couple of hours. She got a sour look on her face when a security person showed up and told her all the spots were first come first serve.

We eventually found a bare spot in a circle of people who were smiling and seemed to be having a good time. As we pitched the tent a girl and guy who looked to be a few years older than us came over. The guy stuck his hand out to Colin.

“Nice to meet you! I’m Dave and this is my wife Jessica.”

“Good to meet you too,” Colin said, shaking the guy’s hand and looking slightly uncomfortable about the contact. I wondered how long it would take for him to surreptitiously pull out the hand sanitizer I knew he had in his pocket and give his hands a once over.

“So have the two of you been to a Gathering before?” Jessica asked. She was pretty enough with a nice smile, though she didn’t have anything on Erin. My thoughts drifted to the queen and whether she was even here yet.

“We’ve been to regional events, but never the big shebang,” I said. “Too expensive to travel until it was in our back yard.”

“Aww, how sweet! I still remember the first time Dave and I went to our first Gathering together. It was right after we got married!”

“Any wedding bells in the future for you two? Not seeing any rings on those fingers,” Dave said with a chuckle.

Colin and I glanced at each other. Locked eyes. The smiles came first, but a moment later both of us were nearly doubled over laughing. It wasn’t the first time a breeder couple had mistaken us for fellow travelers when it came to enjoying a nice dish of wieners and clams, but it had been awhile.

“Was it something I said?” Dave asked.

“Sort of. Definitely no plans to get married. The supreme court finally granted me that right recently, took the fuckers long enough, but if I do get hitched it’s definitely not going to be to this ladykiller here.”

“Oh,” Dave said. Then he was laughing too right along with his wife. “Sorry. Saw the two of you together and just assumed.”

“No worries,” Colin said. “We get that a lot. I guess I’m her fag-hag, or whatever the male version of that is.”

Dave and Jessica looked scandalized. “Colin! I don’t think we’re supposed to be using that word anymore.”

“Right. Is that one that I can’t say but you can, or is it one that’s only for gay guys? I’m not getting these memos y’know.”

I rolled my eyes and turned to Dave and Jessica who still looked a little uncomfortable. Though I suppose I should be happy that their discomfort was from Colin using a potential no-no word and not because they weren’t happy with the idea of sharing their campsite with a lesbian. It never ceased to amaze me how drastically things could change in just a few short years.

“Honestly. I can’t take you anywhere,” I said.

“Yeah? Well remember you need me as bait so you can lay traps with those big sp…”

I smacked him on the shoulder and he clammed up real good and quick. I turned and favored our new campsite buddies with a smile that I hoped communicated that we did this sort of thing all the time. Even if the way Colin was rubbing his shoulder and swearing under his breath put the lie to that.

I smacked my hands together, looking for a subject to change to. The bonfire was raging behind us and already a few people had food of some sort. Food that looked too well done to be something they pulled out of a cooler.

“So where can we get some eats around here?”

Jessica pointed to a building off in the distance that was set up on the edge of a forest. It was nicer than any of the tents set up, but it had the look of a place that had been thrown up pretty damn quickly.

“You go get your badge registration at the main building, and then there’s a few tents off to the side where they’ve got a cafeteria of sorts running all hours as long as you have your badge.”

“Free food? Those bastards didn’t mention anything about that online! C’mon Colin. Let’s go get our badges and get some grub!”

Colin was still muttering as we walked off into the sprawling encampment of geeks looking forward to several days of virtual reality fantasy wargaming.

When we got back to the camp, burgers and fries in hand, more people had gathered and our moderately sized circle of tents were full. People were laughing and chatting, and we went over to take a seat by Dave and Jessica who were already in conversation with another couple.

“Are you serious? Someone just attacked her?” Dave said.

“That takes some serious balls pulling something like that. Whoever did it got away?” Jessica continued.

My skin prickled. I don’t know why, but I knew they were talking about me and the attack at the gas station earlier in the day. I leaned in and listened, suddenly very interested in this conversation.

“Yup,” some guy on the other side said. He leaned in and whispered, though it was a stage whisper that was obviously meant to be heard by anyone nearby, myself included. “Whoever it was got in, killed a couple of the queen’s friends, and ran.”

“Amazing,” Dave said. “I wouldn’t want to run into the person who pulled something like that in an empty alley! At least not while the two of us were flagged to play.”

“You can say that again,” Jessica said with a shiver.

I took a bite of my hamburger. I didn’t want any of the people to see the huge smile on my face. Chances are they wouldn’t see it and put two and two together, but you never knew when there was going to be an armchair Sherlock in the crowd. By the time I was done chewing the smile was mostly gone.

“What are they talking about?” Colin asked before taking a bite of his own burger.

“Seems someone tried to assassinate the queen today,” I said, a little louder than was strictly necessary. I wanted to make sure they heard me talking about this like it was some huge scandalous mystery. “I can’t imagine who would do something that foolish!”

Colin started coughing and spluttering as a bit of his burger went down the wrong hole. I gave his back a couple of good whacks and a piece of partially masticated cow flew out of his mouth. When I turned back around everyone was staring.

“Sorry. Choked on my food,” Colin said.

“So what were you talking about? Someone attacked someone?”

I was trying to strike the right balance between innocence, ignorance, and interest. I also wasn’t sure how well I was pulling it off, or if it was even necessary in the first place. It’s not like they were going to associate me with the dangerous person who tried to pull off a hit on queeny earlier today.

“Steve here was telling us that someone attacked the queen and a couple of her friends on the road. Took out her friends but didn’t manage to get her,” Dave said.

“Cowardly if you ask me,” Steve said. “Attacking someone when they’re not expecting it!”

“I think it’s impressive,” Jessica shot right back. “If you’re not in a safe zone and you’re logged into the game and flagged for play then whatever happens is your own fault. That’s the whole point of the game.”

“Have to agree with the wife on that one,” Dave said, patting Jessica on the knee. “I don’t know if the person who attacked her was brave or stupid or both, but whatever they are they definitely aren’t a coward for pulling a stunt like that!”

“That’s terrible!” I said. “Who would do something like that?”

Steve leaned forward so I could see him. “They’re saying it’s a faction moving against the queen, but of course all the factions are either saying they didn’t have anything to do with it or they aren’t saying anything at all. One thing’s for sure, it’s going to be a huge clusterfuck when everyone gets out into the field tomorrow!”

“So what faction are you two in?” Jessica asked.

“We’re not in a faction,” Colin said. His voice was flat. Annoyed.

“Really? Are you joining one tomorrow?”

“I’m not joining a faction, but Colin is welcome to,” I said.

“Oh, lovers’ quarrel?” Steve asked with a smile that wasn’t entirely pleasant.

“Not exactly,” Dave said.

“I keep telling Anna here that we need to join a faction if we want to last longer than five minutes out there tomorrow, but she refuses to listen to me,” Colin said. “Thinks we’ll be able to make it all on our own.”

Laughter flared up from a bonfire near our own. Almost as though the entire world of ARealms was laughing at me for thinking I could go out there without a faction and make it. Well fuck them and fuck Colin for constantly ragging on me about this. Hadn’t I just proved what a badass I was by attacking the fucking queen of Alternate Realms? I figured that should be worth a few badass points in Colin’s estimation, but no. Nothing.

“Well I’m not going to tell you what to do,” Dave said in a voice that made it clear he was about to do exactly that. “But if the two of you do decide you want to join a faction we’re in the Thieves’ Faction and you’d be welcome to join us.”

“The Thieves’ Faction?” Colin asked.

I rolled my eyes. For a guy who claimed to know more about the game he sure could be lacking in the knowledge department. Or the deductive reasoning part, at least. It seemed to me that a faction called the Thieves’ Faction would be pretty much exactly what it said on the tin.

“Yup. We’re a group of outlaws led by a Robin Hood type, but don’t let him hear you say that. He can be a bit touchy about how he likes to play the game.”

“I know the type,” Colin said with a pointed look at me that I pointedly ignored.

“Well the invitation stands,” Jessica said. “Just think about it!”

“So do you think the queen is going to say anything about the attack when she comes around to our fire?” Steve asked.

A chill seized me. “The queen? What are you talking about?”

“Oh she comes around to all the camps to give a little pep talk before the event starts in the morning. The really important thing is she also gives out a special royal buff to anyone who makes it in time. That’s part of the reason why all the camps are set up in a circle like this. Everyone sitting inside gets the buff and a slight advantage over people who show up late or the day of.”

“Remember the year someone figured out they could stack the buff by wandering from circle to circle and they nearly annihilated House Blackstar before ARealms realized something weird was going on and shut things down while they pushed out a hotfix?” Steve asked.

Jessica snorted. “Yeah, I hear they banned the guy who figured it out too. Doesn’t seem fair. It was their bad coding, after all. He just figured it out!”

Their conversation went on, but I was doing my best to try and figure out what to do. The queen was coming out here. I should probably go to the tent. There was no way she wouldn’t recognize me. Not after that look we shared at the rest stop. Or was I flattering myself? Did I want to stay and see if she remembered me? That could be useful knowledge if she didn’t. Unless she knew that would be useful knowledge and she pretended not to recognize me so it would be that much easier to frag me nice and fast when we were actually playing.

My mind was running away from me. I needed to get myself under control. I needed to get to the tent and call it a night even though I wanted to stay out here. Better hidden away than getting caught and recognized, I decided.

The only problem? By the time I made that decision it was already too late. Some jackass dressed in an outfit that looked like an exact copy of the royal herald you occasionally saw on loading screens stepped into the circle and everyone went quiet.

“Hear ye! Hear ye! She comes! Queen of our digital world! Sovereign over all Alternate Realms! Queen Erin!”

And the queen stepped into our midst.

Damn it.

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