Sweet Contradiction
Author: Peggy Martinez
Date: 2013-06-26 04:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Romance; Contemporary Romance; Contemporary; Fiction; Abuse; Adult; Chick Lit; M F Romance
Description: All Beth Michaels ever wanted was to get out of her small hometown. But when a heartbreaking call sends her back, she meets Matthew Wright, and he makes her question everything she thought she knew… When Beth Michaels hightailed it out of the hole-in-the-road town she grew up in, she only had two goals. One—get as far away as quickly as possible, and two—never set foot in her parent’s home again. But when she receives a heart breaking call from her childhood best friend, Jen, she has no choice but to turn her ’56 Ford pickup back in the direction of Salem, Missouri to attend a funeral. There’s
Publisher: Crimson Tree Publishing

Table of Contents

Thirteen Years Ago

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Twenty

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Preview of Entranced

– Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

hurried down the dirt road, barely aware of the large school bus pulling away behind me. I grasped my books to my chest and skipped along the road, kicking up dust and whistling the little tune my best friend, Jen, had taught me on the playground. It wasn’t usual for me to be so happy going home. I really preferred being at school. At school no one told you that Satan lurked around every corner, ready to snatch you into the pits of Hell, if you made a bad choice, if you weren’t on your guard. I didn’t want to go to Hell, but I did wish my momma would tell me stories that didn’t terrify me every once in a while. Today was different, though. Today was my ninth birthday and my best friend had given me the prettiest gift in the whole world, and I couldn’t wait to show it to my momma.

I made it the half mile down the dirt road to my house in no time at all and was pushing through the old screen door that hung precariously on my front porch, not paying any mind to the rusty screech of the hinge that would normally set my heart racing and cause my palms to sweat. The sound always reminded me that I was home, and I never really wanted to be home.

“Momma?” I sat my books on the small table near the front door and kept moving through the house. I knew my momma was probably doing dishes or was in the middle of her mid-day prayers. I walked past our small dining table and heard the slosh of sink water coming from the kitchen. Thank goodness she wasn’t in prayer. I was just about burstin’ with the need to show someone what I got for my birthday. “Momma, wait ‘til you see what Jen got me for my birthday.” I had my hand halfway out of my pocket and a huge grin on my face before I realized my dad was sitting at the small kitchen table pluckin’ the last few feathers from a freshly butchered chicken. I quickly shoved my hand back in my pocket.

“Elizabeth, it isn’t proper for you to be tearin’ through the house like a wild child. Where are your manners?” My mom wiped her hands off on the hem of her apron and placed her hands on her hips. She wore a simple white blouse—spotless of course. Her long, plain khaki skirt hit her ankles and made her look even shorter than she was. Her eyes were a deep blue, just like mine. But where mine always sparkled with mischief and a wonder for the world around me, needing to experience everything with an open heart, hers seemed shuttered and wary of everyone and everything. I glanced down at my own ankle length skirt and swallowed.

“Sorry momma. It won’t happen again,” I said softly. She sighed and turned back to the sink.

“See that it doesn’t,” she said over her shoulder.

“Yes ma’am,” I answered quickly. I sucked in a breath and turned to flee the kitchen to the sanctuary of my room when my dad’s voice stopped me short.

“Were you going to show your ma what you got for your birthday?” His voice was quiet and rough, but it still caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. When I turned around his eyes were still trained on his task and I fidgeted, unable to come up with an excuse to not to show my one and only birthday gift to my mom.

“It’s not that big of a deal.” I shrugged and glanced over at the back of my mom’s head and willed her to turn around and for once seem interested in me as a person, to just act like she was interested in the things that made me happy. But, as usual, she just kept her mouth shut and acted like she wasn’t even the room.

“If it’s not that big of a deal, then show us what you got.” My dad said tightly. He had finished pluckin’ and his hazel eyes were locked on my face. I relaxed my fist and tried to smooth my face out and unclench my jaw. I knew from experience that if my dad thought I was guilty of the sin of evil thoughts, or disrespecting my parents, or even doubt … well, it wouldn’t be good. My finger caressed my precious gift in my pocket and I felt tears prickle at the corners of my eyes. I took a deep breath, willing away my tears, and held my hand out for my dad to see.

My dad stood up and came over to stand in front of me. He reached his hand out. It took every ounce of restraint I had not to snatch my hand back and run for my room, but instead I stood there as my dad lifted my precious gift out of my hand with his dirty fingers. The jingle of about a dozen small charms echoed in the room. The bracelet was beautiful. It had been strung on a pretty blue silk cord and had iridescent crystal beads and tiny little silver stars dangling from it. There was also a small cross, a little guitar, a music note, and a shooting star among the charms. Jen had said both of our bracelets should have the shooting stars so we would always remember that all our wishes would come true someday.

After a few moments, my dad finally spoke. “Who gave this to you?”

“Jen,” I said softly, “my friend from school.”

“Of course you didn’t plan on keeping such a thing, right?” His voice was very low and he dangled the bracelet in front of my face. My heart was beating so fast I could hear its pounding in my ears, even feel its pulsing rhythm at my temple.

“No Sir,” I answered, just like I knew I had to.

“Why mustn’t you keep this gift, Elizabeth?” he asked, expectantly. My heart thudded once so hard in my chest, I thought my dad must have heard it from where he stood.

“Because the outward adorning of a woman’s body is sinful. Because the obtaining earthly possessions is ungodly. And sinfulness and ungodliness are what the devil uses to pave the road to Hell,” I recited. My dad’s mouth turned up in a smile and he tightened his fist around my present.

“That’s right. I want you to put this into a box and write a letter to your friend tonight telling her exactly why you cannot accept this gift. Tell her exactly what you told me. I’ll read the letter in the morning before you leave for school.” I nodded and reached out my hand. My dad shook his head, his eyes glinting dangerously. My hand fell to my side and I bowed my head in the submission my father was so fond of. “This will teach you an important lesson, and maybe your friend will learn a much needed lesson as well. When you are done with your homework, I expect an hour of Bible reading and I will have a verse for you about vanity to copy a hundred times after that.” My shoulders slumped and I felt a moment of defeat.

“Now kneel, Beth, so you can receive your punishment for your ungodly desire to obtain earthly possessions.” My knees hit the floor without hesitation and I held out both of my arms with the palms up. I’d learned long ago that to fight or to hesitate in kneeling under my dad’s orders would result not only in sore palms, but also in in sore thighs. I was smart enough to take the lesser of the two punishments. The crack of the yardstick striking my palms drowned out everything around me and banished all my thoughts … all my thoughts but one. My father wanted me to learn a lesson.

I did learn a lesson that day … just not the one my dad had intended. Something happened. Something I wasn’t expecting happened, something shifted and changed deep within me as I stood there with what I wanted most in the world just outside of my grasp. I realized I wouldn’t always be a child, I wouldn’t always be told what to think, and what to believe. I knelt there watching the light in the kitchen glint off of the shooting star hanging from the gift that Jen had given me and instead of making a wish, I made a promise. I promised myself that exactly nine years from that day I would walk out of that house and never come back.

And that’s exactly what I did.

whipped my beat up ‘56 Ford pickup into a parking spot in front the first convenience store I’d seen in over fifty miles. I knew I was somewhere in south New Mexico, but I couldn’t have told you the name of the town, they were all starting to run together after over eighteen hours on the road. The Dixie Chicks were blaring “Wide Open Spaces” from my radio just before I cut the engine and secured my windblown hair up into a knot on my head with a ponytail holder. I was glad to get out and stretch my legs. I sure could use a hot shower and some shut-eye, I thought, wistfully. I was already heading towards the front door of the little store, when I decided at the last second to grab my cell phone out of my glove box. I wasn’t even sure when I’d last turned it on. I’d gotten into the habit of only turning it on once a week to check messages. I didn’t usually get many calls, and that’s exactly how I preferred it.

I flipped open my cell and powered it on as I stepped into a wave of amazingly, ice cold AC. For a second I closed my eyes and relished the cool air … my pick up was my baby, but it didn’t have a working AC, something I only missed in the dead of summer. A dark-skinned, older woman behind the counter smiled warmly at me as I started up the junk food isle. I nodded at her as I begun hunting for some goodies. I grabbed a pack of cinnamon gum, a box of nutter butters, a few moon pies, and a glass bottle of cold soda pop before making my way back to the front of the store. The first message on my voice mail began playing.

“Elizabeth, I don’t know why you have a cell phone if you only turn it on once a week, and not even on the Lord’s Day. You are living like a heathen and your father and I raised you better than ….” I deleted the message with a roll of my eyes. No matter how old I was and how many times we’d had this conversation, my mother would never get it. Never.

I cradled my cell phone between my shoulder and my ear as I placed all my goodies on the counter for the older lady working the cash register with a name tag that read “Bea” to ring up for me. I listened to a few different calls from people I’d met here and there over the last few months of traveling. I smiled, hearing a particularly good looking guy I met in Austin beg to come back and make an honest man out of him. I knew he was full of it, but I was glad people missed me when I left and would remember me fondly. The next call knocked the grin right off of my face.

“Beth? Please call me. I need you right now.” A lump formed in my throat. My best friend, Jen’s, voice was quiet, but I could hear the unmistakable sound of tears and anguish in her words. Something was wrong. A knot twisted in my stomach at the thought.

“That will be $6.45.”

I reached into my pocket with a shaking hand and pulled out a ten dollar bill as the next message began playing. I scooped up my things, without waiting for any change, and made a beeline for my truck.

With my goodies forgotten on the seat beside me, I listened to several more messages from my childhood best friend in growing horror. Her mom had died in her sleep after a long battle with cancer that she’d been fighting since we were teens. I swallowed back the tears forming in my throat and took a deep breath. Her mom had died and here I was on another joy ride, headed to California. Even worse—the messages were a few days old. I put my truck into reverse and took off back in the direction I’d come from as I punched Jen’s number into my phone. California could wait. I was headed to my hole-in-the-road hometown that I had hoped to never see again … Salem, Missouri.

hen I pulled into the Piggly Wiggly right outside of town, a moment of pure, gut-wrenching panic seized me, and I wished with all my might I could high-tail it right back in the direction I’d just blown in from. The only thing that kept me from doing exactly that was knowing my best friend was only a few minutes up the road and probably just come from her momma’s grave side. As soon as I’d heard Jen’s messages, I’d driven over thirteen straight hours to try and make it in time for the funeral. Unfortunately, between traffic jams and a flat tire, I was just pulling into town three hours too late. Just in time to hopefully miss the post-funeral visitation at her house. I didn’t even have time to get ready. So, here I was stopping at a local store to grab some flowers and change in the bathroom before heading back to the home I had wished had been my own since I was a little girl.

I took a deep breath and grabbed my huge, ugly, army green backpack and headed into the Piggly Wiggly. Inside the bathroom I slipped out of my blue jeans and white tee shirt and pulled on a capped sleeved black lace dress that came to my knees, pulled on a white cardigan, slapped on some lip gloss and light perfume, and pulled my messy hair up into a bun on the back of my head. I glanced down at my black cowboy boots and shrugged, it was the best I could do under the circumstances. The only other shoes I had with me were a beat up pair of brown leather cowboy boots.

I shoved all my crap into my backpack and went in search of some flowers. I was sorely disappointed in the Piggly Wiggly floral department. I snorted. Department was a little generous to describe anything in the Piggly Wiggly. The store had literally a little of anything you could think of, but not too much of any one thing in particular. I wasn’t sure how it was still open after all these years. I glanced back down at the “floral department” with its one black bucket filled with water and exactly three bouquets of flowers and sighed. I guess the generic mixed bouquet for five bucks would have to do.

I was juggling the flowers with my keys dangling from my mouth and digging through my massive backpack to find my wallet when I heard a whistle come from behind me. Startled, I spun around, dropping my keys and backpack in the process.

“Beth Michaels? Is that you?” I cringed at the sound of my name on the lips of the very last guy I wanted to run into in the entire world. I plastered a smile on my face and met the gaze of one of the sexiest farm boys I’d ever met. He was also one of the most egotistical jackasses I had ever met as well. His eyes traveled up and down my body, lingering on all of my assets. I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’d recognize those legs just about anywhere. Where you been all these years, sweet heart?” He grinned a lopsided grin that had worked on many unsuspecting young virgins throughout high school. Probably still did. He’d tried to use his sweet southern twang on me back when I was only sixteen. Luckily, I was smart enough, even back then, not to let him get what he was after. And then, when I’d denied him he’d made my life a living hell, telling everyone in school I was a whore who’d begged him to “take me” in the boys’ locker room.

“I doubt it’s any of your damn business where I’ve been Beau Montgomery.” I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my chin “Looks like your muscles have gotten even bigger, but I wonder if that has played a direct role in your rapidly diminishing brain cells.” I tsked. Beau charged in my direction, his eyes glinting with more rage than I remembered. I backed up quickly until my back hit a grocery shelf behind me, scattering packs of crackers to the floor. I gulped and cursed my smart-aleck mouth. Clearly, I hadn’t learned anything in the four years I’d been gone after high school. Beau wasn’t even a foot away from me when a smooth, masculine, voice nearby cut off whatever Beau had been about to say or do.

“Well, hello, Beau. I didn’t realize you were here with your pa.” My eyes slipped away from Beau’s blood-shot, angry gaze and landed on a man I’d never seen before. A pair of beautiful honey colored eyes were riveted on the scene before him, his body poised slightly as if he meant to jump in and physically remove Beau if he had to. I flicked my eyes over his nice slacks and dress shirt and tie and wondered idly who he was. He noticed my gaze and nodded slightly in my direction, without taking his eyes off of Beau. “Ma’am” His southern accent was a surprise considering how he was dressed. “I think your Pa was looking for ya, Beau. You probably shouldn’t keep him waiting,” he said quietly with a hint of steel threaded in his words. He sounded like someone who commanded respect, and surprise, surprise, Beau backed away a few feet before acknowledging the stranger.

“You might not want to stand too close to her, Rev. I’m pretty sure the sins of a whore would even make someone like you run for the hills.” His words landed like a physical blow and I felt the blood drain from my face. His nasty laugh as he turned on his heel and left told me he also knew exactly how his words affected me.

“You okay, ma’am?” A soft voice filled with concern broke through my moment of self-pity and I slowly opened my eyes, unaware that I had even shut them. When I looked up, I found myself blown away by the kindness in the man’s gaze. I nodded my head and bent down to pick up the things I’d dropped. I hoped the guy didn’t notice the fine tremor that shook my hands. I was on the verge of tears when he bent down to help me pick up my things along with the cracker packs that were scattered everywhere. Here I was back in town for less than twenty minutes and I’d already let the local, small-town, bully make me feel like a piece of dirt all over again. I pushed back the tears that threatened and swallowed the curses that tingled my lips.

As I took my keys from the mystery man’s hand and met his gaze only inches away from mine, I felt a shiver race down my spine. Wow. Up close the guy was devastatingly handsome. His brown eyes, framed in thick lashes, were open and honest and his hair was just the right length and thickness. Images of running my hands through his sun-streaked locks bounced around my addled brain. As he stood, he grasped my arm gently, causing goose bumps to break out where his hand touched me. “Let me help you up.” He pulled me up with him and held out my slightly crushed flowers with a small, crooked smile. A sexy dimple appeared at the corner of his cheek and I found myself smiling in return.

“Thank you,” I said lamely.

“No problem. Are you new in town?” he asked as we made our way toward the cash register.

“More like back in town after being gone for a couple years. My best friend’s mom died and I came back to see her,” I answered.

“Ah, that would be Jennifer Collins. I’m sorry about her momma. She was a fine lady,” he said thoughtfully. I swallowed the tears that once again loomed.

“Yes she was,” I replied softly. The cashier began ringing up my flowers in between not-so-subtle glances at the guy standing close by.

“What about you?” I asked. “I know just about every single person in this town, and you are definitely not a local.” I paid the cashier and began walking toward the front doors. He held open a door for me and I caught a whiff of his cologne. Very manly but also very expensive smelling. Delicious could also be used to describe the scent, but I discarded that thought immediately … guys who lived in Salem were not my type. No matter how sexy and kind. And guys who wore suits had another strike against them.

“I moved back here about two years ago, but my family has been in the area for years. A town over anyway,” he said as we walked over to my truck. He raised a brow and patted the hood of my truck. “Somehow I get the impression this old truck suits you,” he said, his voice dipping a timber, raising goose bumps on my arms. Dear lord-a-mercy, I had to get outta there.

“Well, thank you … Rev? Is that short for Trevor or something?” I asked as I climbed in the cab of my truck. A low laugh came from “Rev” as he shut the door to my truck for me.

“Something like that,” he answered cryptically, a huge grin splitting his face. I shrugged and started my truck up.

“Okay, well, I’m off now. Hope you don’t have any more damsels in distress to save today.” I put the truck in reverse and he backed up a step.

“I don’t mind so much, especially if they all were guaranteed to look as pretty as you,” he said with a wink. My mouth popped open in surprise. Rev turned on his heel with a laugh and walked away. I shook my head, but I couldn’t stop from grinning like a fool at his cheesy line. Looks like some things had changed since I’d been gone.

My good mood instantly evaporated once I turned down an old dirt road and parked in front of a familiar, country blue farm house twenty minute later. I’d spent every moment of my childhood I possibly could in that house. A sharp pain shot through my chest as I sat there peering at the two story home through my windshield. Reluctantly, I pried my clammy hands from the steering wheel and walked up the pathway. A few people were leaving Jen’s house, still wearing their funeral garb. A couple of them began whispering as soon as I passed by, but I didn’t pay them any mind. My eyes were riveted on the door that still had a sign hanging on it that read; “Peace to all who enter, Welcome from our heart, Enjoy yourself within, God bless as you depart.” Tears filled my eyes as I lifted my hand to knock on the door. The door swung open just as my knuckles grazed the door and I found myself standing face to face with the one and only person in the whole damn town that I’d truly missed every single day of the past four years.

en stood in the doorway, her light brown hair done in a perfect French braid and wearing a black, knee-length, pencil skirt and a black, silk blouse. She stood stock-still, staring at me with red-rimmed eyes and a hand over her mouth. When she didn’t say anything, I began to wonder if I’d hurt her by being so late, for not being there for her when she needed me the most. I searched her face quickly, looking for any sign that she didn’t want me there, that she wanted me to leave.

“I’m so sorry, Jen. I feel like an a—well, like a real donkey’s behind.” Tears began to pool in my eyes and I glanced down at my boots. They weren’t good enough. I should have stopped and bought new shoes. “I wish I had been here,” I whispered. “Maybe I should just go ….” I heard a strangled sound just before Jen launched herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck. I hugged her to me, letting her sobs drown out the flood of my own tears.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Beth,” she choked out. I closed my eyes and clung to the one and only friend I’d ever had growing up. She had been there for me through thick and thin and I was going to be there for her when she needed me most. When we were both able to pull ourselves apart, I followed Jen into her house, which was finally empty of people bringing food over after the funeral.

The house was almost exactly the same as I remembered it. The floors were original hardwood, there was a crocheted afghan thrown over the back of the country blue sofa, hand knit doilies rested on arms of the sofa and recliner, and an old fashioned piano sat in the far corner of the room. The house still smelled of my best childhood memories; fresh cut wildflowers and homemade banana bread. I could almost hear the sound of Mrs. Collins humming “How Great Thou Art” coming from the kitchen.

I swallowed and followed Jen into the kitchen where she sat down heavily at the table. Everything about this room reminded me of Jen’s mom. The kitchen was light and airy with its white cabinets, huge window over the sink, and little daisy printed curtains with tie backs. I used to love sitting at the little white table, with its yellow gingham seat cushions and watch as Mrs. Collins would knead a ball of dough out on a floured counter for fresh bread or cinnamon buns, humming hymns, and making sure we were doing our homework.

Jen’s table was laden down with every southern casserole dish imaginable, topped off with a few pies and some homemade peach cobbler. I wondered what people were thinking when they brought by so much food for one person. But one thing I knew to be true was that every southern born lady believed that some good, down-home cookin’ could cure just about any ailment or heartbreak. I started clearing off the table, unable to just sit and feel so utterly useless. Once everything was put away nice and tidy, I poured two tall glasses of sweet iced tea and served up two helpings of peach cobbler. I sat a glass and plate in front of Jen, who still hadn’t said a thing since we’d been in the kitchen. I took mine to the opposite end of the table.

“You should eat, Jen,” I said softly. Jen’s gaze met mine and then she glanced down at the cobbler and tea in front of her in confusion, as if she were wondering how they had gotten there.

“I probably should,” she murmured. Her motions seemed mechanical as she grasped the fork in her fingers and cut into her cobbler. When she had taken a few bites, she sat her fork down and jumped up from her chair so abruptly that I jumped out of my own in concern. She had a panicked look on her face and wisps of her hair that had come free of her French braid floated around her head as she glanced around wildly, looking for something. “I need to find some boxes.” I looked up into her face, not understanding what she was saying—boxes?

“What do you need boxes for?” I asked her as I came around the table. She didn’t seem to hear me as she turned and strode through the kitchen door. I followed close behind her as she made her way into the hallway and jerked open a closet door. “Jen, what do you need boxes for right now?”

“I need to go through my momma’s stuff. She’d want some of it donated to a woman’s shelter or something. She would have wanted it that way,” she said frantically as she started throwing hangers, pillows, and miscellaneous items out of the closet. I tried to wrap my brain around what she was saying. She was wanting to go through her momma’s things on the day of her funeral? I put a hand on her shoulder.

“Are you sure you want to do this right now? It can wait a few days at least.” She threw my hand off of her shoulder and began stomping through the house toward the back guest bedroom.

“I need to do this now, Beth. If you ever loved me you’ll help me find some boxes,” she hollered over her shoulder. I ran down the hall to catch up with her. She was on her hands and knees, looking through the guest bedroom closet. “No boxes. Why don’t we have any boxes? We have everything else in this house, but no boxes.”

“Jen—you know I love you, but I don’t think it’s a good idea …” She was already out the door and moving onto another room before I could finish. I had never seen her like that before, she was always so calm, always so orderly. I’d never seen her so worked up over anything. She was entering her mom’s bedroom when I caught up with her. “Surely this can wait until later, Jen. You need some time….”

“I don’t have time, Beth!” she screamed the words and I flinched. Jen never screamed. “Don’t you understand? Time is always running out, we think we have time, we think we have one more day, but tomorrow never comes for some of us.” Her voice broke and she covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes wide.

And just like that, the dam finally gave way, as if she had finally given herself permission to break down and really mourn her mother. As she let the cloak of strength she’d been carrying around for several days slip away from her shoulders, she crumbled to the floor. I caught her in my arms at the foot of her mother’s bed and rocked her back and forth as she cried her heart out. I smoothed back her hair, murmured how sorry I was, and sang softly to her as the afternoon wore into the evening hours. I cried along with her, my heart breaking for her and with her, and when we couldn’t cry any longer, we climbed into her momma’s bed and wrapped a hand stitched quilt around us and fell asleep wishing we’d had more time with one of the best women ever to grace this dusty old planet.

had my ear buds in my ears and was bouncing around the kitchen, preparing breakfast when Jen finally came down. Well, preparing was a bit of a stretch—I was warming up a breakfast casserole and apple pie and had some coffee brewing.

“Hey,” I said softly. “How are you?” She looked better than I did. When I woke up at 10 o’clock am, I had eyes so puffy I was surprised I was able to open them and let’s not even mention the circles under them or the rats nest of hair on top of my head. Jen looked picture perfect. She always seemed to be able to pull that off effortlessly. She smiled at me and to anyone else it would have looked genuine, but I could tell the difference when the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“I’m good,” she answered easily.

“I made breakfast.” I waved around a plate full of casserole and apple pie and then placed it before her with a flourish.” She raised her eyebrow.

“Made?” she asked a little too politely. I snorted.

“Well, I warmed it up, anyway.” I waved off her little smirk.

“So, how does Salem look to you after four years?” she asked around a mouthful of food. I washed down a bite of apple pie with some ice cold milk.

“Same as always. I ran into Beau Montgomery at the Piggly Wiggly not fifteen minutes after I rolled into town.” Jen’s eyes rounded and she sat down her coffee cup.

“You. Did. Not. Holy cow. What happened?”

“Why would you think anything happened? Maybe I just said hello and went on my way,” I said sweetly. Jen stared at me and then rolled her eyes.

“Elizabeth Michaels, I’ve known you since we were in second grade and there’s no way you were able to just say hello to Beau Montgomery,” she said with her fork pointed in my direction. I sighed. She was right—subtle was not my middle name and I was never one to back down from a fight.

“I told him his muscles were bigger … and his brain cells were still diminishing.” I shook my head, still wondering what I’d been thinking when I heard a snort coming from the other end of the table. I glanced up and found Jen’s face red and a smile splitting her face.

“I’d loved to have seen that,” she said with a laugh. I smiled and shrugged.

“I just snapped. Unfortunately, Beau wasn’t none too pleased and he was spittin’ fire angry. He actually acted like he would’ve hit me,” I said, remembering the dangerous glint in his eye and the bulging red vein on his neck. If it hadn’t been for Mr. Sexy Eyes….

“Beau isn’t the same guy we knew in high school. You’d do best to steer clear of him,” Jen said as she forked a mouthful of pie into her mouth. I nodded. She was right, he wasn’t the same. He was a whole lot more dangerous.

“I did meet someone I’d never seen in Salem before,” I said. Jen stood and took her plate over to the sink.

“Oh yeah, and who’s that?” she asked as she washed her dishes.

“I don’t know, but Beau called him Rev. I assume that’s short for Trevor or something,” I said thoughtfully. Jen made a choked sound and turned around to look at me.

“Rev?” she asked. I shrugged. “Describe him,” she said quickly as she began drying her hands. Okaaaay.

“Well, he was taller than me by about four or five inches, had nice, wavy, sun-streaked brown hair, and the most amazing pair of eyes—the color of warmed honey,” I answered, picturing the guy standing right in front of me. Too bad he wasn’t my type, I thought with a regretful sigh. When I looked up, Jen was staring at me with her mouth hanging open in surprise.

“What?” I asked in confusion. “Do you know him? He said he knew your momma,” I said softly. Jen looked at me a moment longer, her gaze growing thoughtful before she turned around to put away the dishes she had just washed.

“Yeah, I know him,” she answered. When she didn’t go on, I found myself impatient, wondering, despite knowing that he wasn’t my type, who exactly the guy was.

“Well?” I asked with a tap of my foot.

“Well, what?” she asked, grinning impishly.

“Well, what do you know about him?” Geez, make a girl sound desperate for some info on a guy, why dontcha?

“Oh,” she turned and shrugged her shoulders as she sat back in her seat. “Not much to tell, really. His name is Matthew Wright. He’s a few years older than us and his family is mostly from Rolla. His mom and dad bought a small farm here in Salem a few years back. He has two brothers—one older and one younger, but I haven’t met either one of them yet.” Wow. She knew a lot about him. I wondered what she thought about him. He was exactly her type. Smart, small town guy, even the way he dressed. They would make a beautiful couple. “He’s not your type though,” she stated matter-of-factly. I bristled at that.

“What makes you think he isn’t my type?” I asked, offended for no apparent reason. She just smiled and raised a brow. I groaned. I forgot how it was to be around someone who knew you better than you know yourself.

“Well, just so you know … I’m not interested anyway,” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. “He’s a small town kinda guy and I don’t plan on being here long enough to check out the local stock.” I was joking, but I realized my error almost immediately when I saw the look on Jen’s face. Her face flushed and she cleared her throat.

“How long do you plan on staying, anyway?” she asked, not meeting my eye. Crap.

“I don’t know, long enough to make sure you’re okay and to help with whatever you need me to.” I glanced down at the coffee cup in my hand. “A few days,” I said, honestly.

“A few days?” Jen slammed her hand on the table and I jumped guiltily.

“I need you. Surely you can stay a couple months,” she said as she stood with her hands on her hips. I slunk down into my chair.

“Jen, I can’t—I …” She cut me off with a withering glare.

“You have been gone for four years,” she said too calmly. She walked over to a drawer and pulled out a stack of cards. “Four years and all we’ve ever received were postcards from all over the U.S., and the occasional phone call.” She tossed the postcards on the table and I saw my own handwriting and pictures of cities from at least a dozen different places scatter across the white table in front of me. “I need you right now, Beth.” I sighed, I knew she was right, I just didn’t know how long I could stomach staying in this town.

“I’ll stay a week,” I stated.

“Two months,” she countered.

“I’ll do two weeks,” I offered. She glared at me and then took a deep breath.

“A month and you also will go see your parents.” She clenched her jaw. Awe, crap, she brought my parents into it. I opened my mouth to protest and she held up a hand.

“It’s three months, or one month and a single trip to your parents … your choice.” I gritted my teeth. I knew she was right, I knew I needed to be there for her, but I’d spent the last four years avoiding this town and others like it. I especially didn’t want to have to see my parents … but, I’d do it for Jen. My shoulders sagged in defeat.

“A month and a short trip, then,” I said with a sigh.

Jen and I fell into a pattern over the next two weeks. We went through paperwork and drawers in the house and made trips to see her lawyer about all her momma’s assets and insurance. We stayed up late talking, neither one of us wanting to be alone with just our thoughts and memories of Jen’s mom. It was companionable and I knew with each passing day it was going to be more and more difficult for me to say goodbye all over again.

“Hello? You here?” Jen’s voice floated from the living room just as I heard the front door shut.

“In the kitchen,” I shouted. Jen walked in and dropped a handful of mail on the table.

“You’re making lemonade?” I gave her a look like what do you think I’m making with a dozen cut up lemons strewn all over the counter.

“It’s hot today. I thought it would be refreshing.” I finished cleaning up my mess and handed her a glass of freshly-squeezed mint lemonade. She was flipping through her mail when I spotted a bright orange flier. “What’s that?” I asked, snatching it out of the “junk mail” pile.

“Just junk,” she muttered. The flier was announcing the Dent County Fair. It was in town Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, which meant it started that night. I glanced up at Jen and smiled sweetly. She began shaking her head right away.

“I know that look on your face and it has done nothing but get me in trouble since we were kids.” She put a hand on her hip and tried to look stern. “Do you remember what happened the last time we went to the county fair together?” she asked with an arched brow. How could I ever forget, we had the time of our lives and I had never felt more free to be who I really was than I did that night. Unfortunately “being me” sometimes came with serious side effects. I frowned.

“That’s right. We ate an entire helping of purple cotton candy and an entire helping of rainbow snow cone each just before we went on the tilt-o-whirl.” I winced.

“Not our best idea,” I agreed.

“Our idea? You mean your idea.” Jen huffed. My cheek twitched and I couldn’t stop the devious grin from spreading across my face.

“Yes, but you did get to meet that one guy you had a crush on … what was his name? It was something odd …” Jen’s hand was on her hip but her lips quivered a little and I knew she was trying not to smile.

“His name was Oxford,” she said with a tilt of her chin. “It wasn’t his fault everyone called him Ox.” I started laughing and Jen’s face turned bright red. “Elizabeth Michaels, that isn’t even the point, and you know it.” She was grinning now, but she wasn’t done. “After we met with Ox and after we ate all that junk, we went on the tilt-o-whirl. And it just so happened that Mr. John Baxter was on the ride next to us and we both spewed an unholy color of barf all over him.” I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. “And who was Mr. Baxter, Beth?” she asked, still managing to hold back giggles.

“The chief of police and a deacon of my mom and dad’s church,” I said as I held my stomach and laughed even harder. She finally caved in and began laughing too.

“Yes! And do remember the look on my momma’s face when we were escorted home in a police car and covered head to toe in puke when we were supposed to be asleep in my room?” Jen’s face softened and tears glistened in her eyes. Her mom had given us a stern talkin’ to and then hosed us down outside before we were scrubbed off in the shower. I remember the fear of her telling my parents. I knew if they found out, I’d never be allowed to stay at Jen’s house again. Luckily, her mom had never brought it up.

“You and your mom were the best thing that ever happened to me,” I said as I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye. Jen nodded in my direction and took a deep breath.

“She always said she prayed that one day your parents would wake up and see what an amazing daughter they had before it was too late.” I stood there in surprise.

“She said that?” I whispered. Jen smiled at me and nodded her head.

“She loved you like a daughter, Beth.” Tears streamed down my face as I faced my best friend. She was right, I’d just never thought of it before. Mrs. Collins always had two of everything when I came over. If she had a new purse for Jen, I had one as well … of course only to use at school or at her house so my parents wouldn’t find out, but she had gone out of her way to make me feel like a part of her family. I was suddenly regretting all the years I’d spent away, years I’d never get back to tell her how much I appreciated everything she’d done for me. I hiccupped and let Jen pull me into an embrace. “I think you’re right,” she whispered.

“Of course I am,” I said without missing a beat. “But what exactly am I right about this time?” Jen pulled away and picked up the flier I’d sat on the table.

“We should definitely go to the fair,” Jen said with a mischievous grin on her lips. I grinned back and clapped my hands. I did love going to a county fair.

“Yay! I get to pick out your outfit!” Jen’s mouth popped open to protest, but we both knew it was an argument she’d never win. I held up a finger. “Let’s go see what you have in the closet.” I drug her back to her room and began rifling through her closet. It was never too early to plan an outfit for a night out.

Tonight we would have fun and pretend that neither of us had a care in the world.

can’t do this. What was I thinking? What will people think?” Jen stopped just inside the entrance to the fair, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. I wound my arm through hers and pulled her away from the gate.

“They will think you have been through a very rough time and are in need of a little relaxation and fun to take your mind off of things. No one will say anything, Jen,” I said reassuringly. And if they did, I’d kick ‘em in the teeth, I thought to myself. I smiled over at Jen and patted her arm. “Close your eyes for a second,” I said with a grin.

“There is no way I’m going to …” I glared at her until she rolled her eyes and made a pouty face. “Fine,” she huffed as she closed her eyes.

“Now tell me what you hear,” I said with a smirk.

“Really? Is this your idea of some kind of …” I growled over at her and she sighed. “Fine. But, let it be known I am doing this against my will.” She crossed her arms to drive her point home. “I hear a lot of noise,” she said quickly.

“And?” I asked, resisting the urge to pinch her.

“I hear people talking and laughing, carnies hollering out to people passing by, and I also here Sweet Home Alabama playing in the background.” I smiled and closed my own eyes.

“And what do you smell?” I asked in a conspiratorial whisper. She made a sound of protest before I elbowed her gently.

“I smell cotton candy, popcorn, fried corn dogs, and—I smell … candied pecans.” She made a sound of annoyance and my eyes opened to find her glaring at me with an affronted look on her face. “No fair that you know how much I adore candied pecans!” I smiled widely and began weaving us through the growing crowd towards the alluring scent of fried fair food.

“Candied pecans coming right up!” I announced cheerfully.

An hour later Jen was laughing and enjoying herself and we were finally headed off to play games and get on some rides.

“I can’t believe how much we just ate,” she laughed.

“I know. Who knew I’d love fried pickles so much?” I turned around and began walking backwards so I could face Jen as I spoke. “There should be someone manning the fried food booth. Like a bouncer … or … oh! One of those bartenders who cut you off when you’ve had one too many.” I nodded my head, thinking of the whole bag of candied pecans Jen and I had polished off by ourselves.

“Yeah, I’m thinking I should definitely have stopped before that second double battered corndog.” She groaned and tossed her empty cup in a nearby trash can. Jen’s eyes grew round as we closed in on the ride I had in mind. “You aren’t serious.” She began shaking her head with a stubborn look on her face. “Maybe in an hour or two or … um, never.” I smiled and jumped in line before it could get any longer, pulling Jen with me.

“Come on, Jen, life stands still for no man, you’ve got to seize the moment.” I flung out my arm, making a dramatic statement, when it promptly collided with someone standing behind me. A short oomph sounded from the person I’d just assaulted. I swung around, my apology dangling from my tongue before I caught sight of the person I’d whacked.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to …” I sucked in a breath when a familiar pair of caramel colored eyes crinkled in amusement.

“So is this how you get to the front of the lines? By knocking out all the competition?” His grin was addicting and I found myself smiling in return. “I gotta say, there are probably easier ways.”

“Easier, yes. But not nearly as much fun,” I retorted. His gaze landed on my lips and I had to resist the sudden, nervous urge to lick them.

“I very seriously doubt that,” he murmured. Someone close by cleared their throat and I snapped out of my moment of insanity. A set of brown eyes, a fraction of a shade darker than Matthew’s, were focused on me intently. The slightly younger version of Matthew was smiling at me. He was just as handsome as Matthew, but his sly grin and eyebrow piercing set him apart. He looked like he didn’t even have to look for trouble, it probably came banging on his door. He was just the type of guy I normally dated.

“Who do we have here, big brother?” His voice was mocking, but his eyes told me he was seriously interested in finding out. The line moved up a bit and we all shuffled forward.

“This is Jennifer Collins, she lives here in Salem.” Matthew motioned towards Jen.

“Please call me Jen,” she replied graciously, holding out a hand.

“And this is Beth Michaels. She just got back into town a few days ago.” Matt nodded in my direction and smiled. “Ladies, this is my younger, less good-looking brother, Hunter.” I held out my hand.

“Nice to meet ya, Beth Michaels.” Hunter winked over at me and I’m pretty sure every woman within a hundred yard radius sighed. When he still hadn’t let go of my hand, Matthew mumbled something about a “Lothario” and punched his brother lightly in the shoulder, dislodging Hunter’s hand from mine.

“So, you guys decided to brave the fair tonight?” Mathew asked, his eyes searching mine.

“We did and I only had to bribe Jen with candied pecans to get her here, but we’re glad we came now,” I said.

“Yeah, what would I ever have done without that plate of fried pickles?” Jen mumbled beside me. Hunter chuckled.

“Ut oh, looks like someone got sucked into the fried food booths.” He made a sound of sympathy in the back of his throat, but the huge grin on his face and laughing eyes completely ruined the gesture. The entire line moved forward until we were at the gate. We would be on the next wave of riders. I glanced over at Jen and realized she was more than a little green.

“I didn’t realize how bad you were feeling. Maybe we shouldn’t ride right now.” I laid a hand on Jen’s shoulder.

“No. I don’t want to ruin it for you. I know how much you love fairs, I just hope we don’t have a rainbow slushie repeat.” I smiled at that. It would be just like her to go on the ride just for me even though she felt like crap.

“There will always be fairs, Jen. C’mon, we can sit this one out.” Jen stubbornly shook her head, her brown curls flopped over her shoulder. Even sick, she looked beautiful. She had decided on a sunny yellow maxi dress and a short sleeve jean jacket with strappy sandals for our night out. She looked like a ray of sunshine piercing the dark. Matt’s hand lightly rested on my shoulder and I almost jumped at the contact.

“Is everything okay?” His eyes were filed with concern and his warmth made me want to lean into him. I shook my head slightly. His brother was my type, not Matt.

“She isn’t feeling well, but she’s afraid to break the top secret BFF code of conduct,” I said with a smirk.

“Elizabeth Michaels, don’t think your sarcasm will be an effective weapon on me,” Jen retorted. I rolled my eyes.

“Why don’t I ride with you instead? That way Hunter can stay with Jen and you’ll still get to ride.” Hunter looked as surprised as I felt at the suggestion. A seat of riders were about to get off, making it our turn to mount the big, bad, ferris wheel. Jen was already shaking her head.

“I wouldn’t want Hunter to …” Hunter grabbed Jen by the hand, thus cutting off her reply with an audible snap of her mouth.

“It’s no big deal, I kinda hate the ferris wheel anyway. I was just going to ride it to make poor Matt feel safer.” He grinned at a speechless Jen and gently tugged her out of line. Amazingly enough … she went without protest. The gate screeched open behind me. Matt was there holding it open with a questioning look on his face.

“Looks like this is us.” He held a hand out and for some inexplicable reason … I took it. He helped me into the unsteady seat and then joined me. I was instantly aware of how small the seats were. Where Jen and I would have been close to each other, Matt and I were thigh to thigh without any wiggle space. Matt glanced over at me and then put his arm behind me on the back of the seat. There was no help for it, it was the most comfortable way for him to sit. The carny clamped the little gate shut on our seat and then walked over to push a button to make our seat rise. A screech and a lurch and our seat rocked back and forth, making me jump and grab onto Matt’s thigh. Once the seat settled into a slow rock and we were waiting while the seat below us was being filled with new passengers, I became a little more relaxed.

“I thought you loved this ride,” Matt said. I glanced over at my ride buddy and smiled.

“I do,” I answered, wondering why he mentioned it.

“Oh, I couldn’t tell.” His smile broadened as he glanced down at my hand. I still had a death grip on his thigh. I jerked my hand back and felt the warmth of a blush creeping up my neck and cheeks. I glanced away quickly and muttered an apology. Matt chuckled softly.

“So, what is it you like about the ferris wheel?” I could feel Matt’s gaze and when I finally turned my eyes to his, I could see the honesty in his regard. He really wanted to know. I leaned back further in my seat, not too worried about Matt’s arm behind me. I sighed and tilted my head back and let it rest on his arm when the wheel once again began to move up. We were already almost completely full and then the wheel would turn without pause.

“I don’t know, really. I’m actually a little afraid of heights,” I said softly. “I guess it is just the thought of being closer to the stars, closer to the heavens, further away from reality, and when the wheel really starts to turn—it’s almost like nothing can touch you, you’ve found an escape and you’re finally … free. I gazed up at the stars, aware I probably had revealed a little bit too much about myself to someone I hardly knew.

“Did you need an escape a lot when you were growing up?” Matt asked softly. I released a long breath just as the ferris wheel began to turn without pause. I counted my blessings. The ride was exhilarating, slightly terrifying, but definitely exhilarating. Every time we would crest the top of the ride I would get that all over tingly sensation that would begin at my scalp, like my skin couldn’t contain all the sensations my body was experiencing. When we crested the top a third time, Matt’s hand skimmed up arm to push the hair on that lay on my shoulder out of his way. His warm palm cupped the side of my neck while his thumb began to make tiny, thought scattering circles on the soft, sensitive skin just below my ear lobe. My breath hitched and my heart slammed into my ribs. The sensations that were washing over me produced by the ride all faded into black as the gentle caresses of Matt’s fingers set my entire body vibrating like a fine tuned instrument. Matt was the master musician of this particular orchestra.

When I dared to glance over at him, I felt almost consumed by the intensity of his gaze. Matt wanted me. It was all there in his gaze. Warmth flooded through my body. If I were honest with myself, I’d acknowledge that I wanted him too, despite him breaking two of my three dating rules. Maybe he didn’t want anything too serious, maybe we both could enjoy each other’s company while I was in town and not over think it. Maybe. I smiled and Matt’s gaze shifted to my lips. Already slightly breathless, I slowly licked my lips, my eyes never leaving his face. Matt’s pupils dilated slightly and his eyes snapped up to mine. I leaned toward Matt just as the wheel began its final climb. When my face was just a whisper away from his I breathed out, “Kiss me, please.”

Matt’s lips were not gentle like I imagined he would be with everything he did because of his temperament. Instead, his lips crashed into mine and my breath was stolen away on kiss that left my body pulsing, my mind spinning, and my soul longing for another taste. Just before our seat made it back to the bottom of the ride, Matt pulled back gently and I immediately felt bereft of his presence. The look on his face was inscrutable and I had to shake my head to try and make sense of his stern demeanor. Did he not just feel what I had? Matt took his hand from my neck and ran his fingertips one last time over my collarbone and he gently tugged on my earlobe.

“This is us.” I jumped when our gate screeched open. The ride operator held the door open and Matt stood up and helped me off of the seat. When we came around to the exit Matt dropped my hand and called over to his brother and Jen.

“Can I see you after tonight?” Matt’s breath whispered across my shoulder and I shivered.

“After tonight?” I asked, slightly dazed.

“Yeah, you know, can I come by Jen’s and see you?” He smiled crookedly and my heart melted a little more. “Maybe take you out somewhere?” He shrugged and glanced quickly over to Hunter and Jen weaving their way through the crowd toward us. A small giggle escaped my still tingling lips.

“You’re asking me out on a date?” Matt smiled back and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Yeah I guess I am.” I was feeling all giddy on the inside when reality came crashing in. I was only going to be in Salem another few weeks or so and Matt wasn’t the type of guy you had quick fling with. He was the kind of guy you took home to meet your parents and the kind of guy you settled down with. I couldn’t start something with him, he was too … dangerous. He was a guy who could get under my skin, one I wouldn’t be able to walk away from if the mood struck me. He was too good for me and for the first time in my life I regretted all my self-imposed dating rules.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Matt,” I said softly. His brow creased and I could almost hear his mind working through the past several moments. The kiss on the ferris wheel, then him asking me out, trying to figure out where he had misread the situation. “Listen, I really like you. You seem wonderful, but, I am going to be gone in a few weeks and I don’t take you for the kind of guy who takes relationships lightly. I can’t offer you anything other than some fun for a week or two. Can you tell me that would be okay with you?” Matt’s mouth flattened into a thin line and his jaw clenched. He stared at me for so long that I began to fidget. He finally averted his eyes as he stepped forward into my personal space. He leaned into me, his mouth an inch away from my ear.

“I want a lot of things from you, Beth,” he said finally. “I want to taste the sweetness of your lips again, but next time I want to be able to take my time. I want you under me so I can feel your entire body quivering beneath me when I make love to you.” His voice lowered and his words taunted my heart and did funny things to my body. “But, having a quick, meaningless fling is not one of them,” he added. I stepped back quickly, my heart thumping erratically.

“That doesn’t change my mind,” I said, unconvincingly. I silently cursed my Jell-O like legs. The traitors.

“Well, we’ll just have to see what I can do about that.” His grin was thirty percent Cheshire cat and seventy percent pure, undiluted, male determination … and that equaled a whole lotta sexy. I swallowed nervously just as Jen and Hunter joined us.

ow was the ride?” Jen asked as she wove her arm through mine. Matt winked at me over her head and I felt like I’d just become a helpless deer in a lion’s den.

“It was fine,” I murmured.

We began walking through the fair, enjoying the atmosphere and the games. Matt and his brother, much to my dismay, had won Jen over and became a permanent part of our little group for the rest of the evening.

“Oh look!” Jen pointed out a game booth that had some of the fluffiest and best prizes up for grabs.

“Don’t even waste your money,” I said with my hands on my hips. “Everyone knows that game is impossible to win. It’s a scam.”

“Who says it’s impossible?” Hunter asked from behind me.

“Beth does. She has won just about every game there is at any fair, except that one. She’s convinced it’s unwinnable.” Jen grinned when I shook my head. How could she betray all my secrets like that?

“I bet I could win it,” Matt said with a smirk. I snorted and a gleam of competition lit his eyes.

“I’d take that bet.” I said confidently.

“Better be careful, Beth. You don’t know what you’re getting into,” Hunter chimed in, his eyes were riveted on Jen, though. Interesting.

“What would you care to wager?” I asked with a mocking lilt in my voice.

“I bet I can win that game with one dollar and the three rings,” he said confidently. I started laughing, I couldn’t help it.

“Impossible. There’s no way. Just back out now while you still got a little bit of your pride left, cowboy.” Matt stepped forward, his eyes glinting dangerously, and I felt excitement shoot through me.

“What will you give me if I win?” he asked softly.

“Careful, Beth. Don’t let your pride get the best of ya.” Jen laughed.

“What do you want?” I asked, ignoring my best friend.

“Dangerous question, sweetheart.” He grinned and I’m pretty sure my face turned fifty shades of red. I crossed my arms over my chest and tilted my chin in defiance.

“A date,” he said loudly. Jen began giggling and Hunter whistled from somewhere nearby.

“A date?” I asked. “That’s what you want?” He nodded his head. “And if I win?”

“You won’t,” he stated matter-of-factly. I bristled at that. He saw the look on my face and held his hands up in surrender. “But if you do, I’ll get your truck a tune up for free.” I smiled. I liked that, it could definitely use a tune-up before I hit the road again.

“Deal,” I said as I held out my hand. When Matt took it, I had to stop myself from jerking it back out of his too quickly. He’s too good, I kept repeating to myself.

Matt pulled a dollar bill out of his back pocket and we all followed him over to the game stand. He handed the carnie the dollar and was handed three red rings for his money. This is going to be such an easy win, I thought to myself. I began to smile, already tasting the victory of the win.

“How ‘bout we sweeten the deal?” His voice taunted. My mouth popped open slightly. He didn’t know when to quit and he was awfully cocky about winning.

“Sweeten how?” I asked warily.

“When I win …”

“If you win,” I interrupted. He grinned so huge, that I began grinning back, despite the fact that I was trying to be stern.

“If I win and I’m able to choose the one prize you would have chosen for yourself, I get to choose where I take you on the date.” My eyes widened fractionally. I was surprised that he thought he knew me well enough to guess what I would have chosen as a prize.

“Fine. And for the record, Jen would know exactly what I’d choose, so she’ll be the one to tell you if you guessed correctly or not.” I was liking this turn of events, not only was the game impossible to win, but his little side bet was also not as easy as he thought.

“Jeez, Matthew, I’m not trying to rain on your parade or anything, but I don’t think the odds are stacked in your favor.” Jen was staring at the three rings in his hand then glanced over at the rows and rows of large glass bottles. She shook her head and laughed lightly. “Well, good luck, but I’d be getting ready to pay for a tune up if I were you.” Jen clucked her tongue and I began laughing.

“I like my odds.” Matt’s voice lowered and he winked at me just before turning around and tossing the first ring. The ring bounced off several jugs before landing in between them. His jaw clenched and I covered my mouth so I wouldn’t make too much fun of him. I knew guys hated to have their pride wounded publicly.

“It ain’t over yet, buttercup.” Hunter grinned over at Jen, who was also trying very hard not to laugh. Her eyes narrowed and she pointedly turned her attention back to Matt. Matt let the second ring fly and I held my breath when it came too close to hanging around the jug like it was supposed to.

“Oh, so close,” Jen murmured between a giggle. Matt took the last plastic ring between his thumb and forefinger and then blew out a steadying breath. A quick flick of his wrist set the ring flying and I could tell as soon as it left his hand that I was going to lose the bet. When the ring settled around the neck of a bottle dead in the center of the rows and rows of bottles, Hunter began whooping and hollering while patting his brother on the back. A celebratory bell dinged loudly, letting everyone around know that someone had won playing the dreaded ring toss game. Jen stood there with her mouth hanging open and I felt the ground shift beneath my feet. Me and my big mouth.

Matt walked over to me with his eyes shining and a boyish grin plastered on his face, making it impossible for me to be mad about losing.

“You’ve won this before.” It wasn’t a question. Hunter smirked and Matt shrugged.

“A couple of times,” he muttered. My mouth hung open in disbelief.

“A couple of times?” I shrieked. I was angrier about the fact that I had never won the game than about him bamboozling me into a game he had mastered. I shook my head and gazed up into his smiling eyes. “Looks like you’re taking me on a date.” Little butterflies danced in my midsection at the thought of spending time alone with Matt.

“Looks like I am.” His eyes were twinkling and a dimple appeared as he smiled widely. I sighed, sexy dimples were my one true weakness.

“What prize would you like, sir?” The gray haired Carny pointed up to the dozens of huge, fluffy, stuffed animals hanging from his tent, with a toothy smile. Matt glanced back at me and I crossed my arms over my chest as a smile began to work its way across my face. Matt’s eyes widened slightly before he began grinning from ear to ear. My smile quickly turned into a frown and Hunter began laughing behind us. Matt pointed to a prize without his eyes ever leaving mine.

“I’ll take that one.”

don’t know why you’re so upset.” Jen shrugged her shoulders and began laughing … again. She hadn’t stopped laughing since Matt had won the massive six foot long purple snake from the ring toss game at the fair.

“I’m not upset. I just …” I stroked the head of the uber fluffy snake and sighed. “It’s just … how did he know I would go for the snake? I mean, most girls would have gone for a bear, or the ginormous flower, or even the monkey.” I shook my head and tried to get a handle on my feelings. On one hand I was shocked and upset that he could read me so well, but on the other hand I was glad he picked correctly, even if it was just to assure myself that he felt the same connection, wanted or not, that I felt.

“It’s just a date,” Jen chided. “He likes you. I can tell by the way he looks at you.” Jen sat down on the end of my bed, already in her pajamas.

“I know. That’s the problem,” I muttered.

“Why is it a problem?”

“He’s not my type, Jen.” I didn’t know how to explain it very well to her, especially since I knew she wouldn’t understand. “He’s too nice, too perfect, too much of a small town morals kind of guy.” I glanced down into my lap and fiddled with the comforter. “What if he’s like my dad?” I whispered.

“Beth, he’s not. He’s a good guy and he might have small town morals but he doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would emotionally abuse and control someone using religion.” Jen’s eyes searched my face and I knew there is truth to what she was saying, but the fear that had always been in the back of my mind and heart was still as fresh as it had been when I was walking out the front door of my house when I’d turned eighteen.

“He’s not your father, Beth.”

“You’re right, Jen. Let’s get some sleep.” Jen sighed as she stood up.

“I guess we should since I have a date with Hunter tomorrow,” Jen muttered. I gasped and narrowed my eyes.

“When did that happen?” I asked. Jen blushed and threw her hands in the air.

“I still don’t know exactly how it happened at all. I may have been a victim of a body snatching alien when I said yes.” Jen’s face was dead serious and I sputtered out laughter.

“So you and Hunter tomorrow night. And then Matt and I in a few days.” I shuddered dramatically and Jen rolled her eyes.

“Oh, don’t pretend … you know you wanna jump his bones.” She winked and left me sitting in my bed with my mouth hanging open. Jennifer Collins, you naughty girl, I thought, fighting a smile. I clicked the lamp off and snuggled under my covers with my snake lying beside me.

“And that’s the problem,” I whispered to myself.

The next morning dawned a sunny, gorgeous summer day with birds chirping outside my window, the scent of fresh coffee brewing, and the lovely sound of Jen’s voice singing softly in the kitchen. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was hoping for some sort of natural disaster so I could get out of going into town with Jen that morning to do grocery shopping. I pulled on a worn pair of cut off jean shorts and a red tank top and jerked on my not-quite-worn-out brown boots, planning to help Jen with the shopping and then perhaps some gardening later to try and rid myself of the nerves that were jittering through my body.

The ride into town was abnormally quiet. Jen was sitting in the passenger side of my truck with her chin resting on her palm as she gazed out the window, not really noticing anything.

“You okay?” I asked softly. She glanced up and blinked a few times before visibly shaking herself out of her thoughts.

“Yes, sorry. Just wool gathering.” A half smile played on her lips, but the effort it took was evident on her face. Something was up.

“Jennifer Anne Collins …” I warned. She smirked at that.

“Oh no, you brought out the big guns.” She laughed and my shoulders relaxed a fraction.

“Oh, I’ve got a lot more than the dreaded middle name in my arsenal,” I promised, with a wink. Her eyes widened and I began laughing as I clicked through my ipod.

“You wouldn’t,” she gasped. I just smiled wider until I found the song I was searching for. Jen groaned out loud when No Diggity blasted through the speakers. It didn’t take long though … a few minutes later we were cruising down the country road with the wind blowing through our hair and both of us singing along with Dr. Dre. We only got a few nasty looks when we pulled into the grocery store parking lot. Jen turned beat red and I curbed in my instinct to turn the music up even louder. I jumped out of the truck and handed Jen the list we had made together before leaving the house.

“I’ll get what we need from the super market, you can pick up the produce from the outdoor market. Sound good?” Jen headed toward the store entrance without waiting for a reply. She knew I’d rather shop for the produce, so I stuck the list in my pocket, saluted her smartly, and headed to the open market down the street.

The little side-of-the-road stand I remembered had changed drastically in the last four years. Mr. Peterson had more than tripled the size of the market, built brand new, brightly colored stands, and expanded the variety of produce immensely. Johnny Cash was playing softly in the background, a few children were running around the perimeter of the market, and in the middle of it all was Mrs. Peterson just as I remembered her. Her gray hair was pulled back into a bun and she wore a white, crisply ironed, half-apron with pockets and a ruffled hem. I smiled as I saw her handing a homemade cookie to a chubby toddler hanging on to the hem of his momma’s skirt near the cash register.

Memories came rushing back … coming there every Saturday morning with Mrs. Collins and Jen to pick up fruits and veggies … but every kid in Salem knew that the best thing about the Peterson Family Market was Mrs. Peterson’s cookies. The little boy was making a proper mess of his face and clothes as his momma pulled him along to leave the market. I grabbed a basket and began picking out fresh fruit and veggies, extremely happy to sample a variety of freshly picked wild berries. I had visions of blackberry cobbler and homemade jam dancing in my head as I bought an unholy amount of the plump berries.

Much to my surprise, Mrs. Peterson remembered me and was glad to ring up my purchases while catching me up on all the town’s upcoming events. There was going to be a barn dance, with a baking and pie eating contest, a small art exhibit at the local high school to raise funds for the new classes that would be offered the following fall semester, and a church meeting for ladies at the local church. I smiled kindly at her and promised to try and make it to some of the events while I was in town. I had even meant it about the barn dance. I was grinning from ear to ear when I left the stand with my overstuffed bags of produce. It only took one person to remind me exactly why I didn’t live in towns like Salem any longer, though.

was putting my bags in the back of my truck when Beau Montgomery whipped his Ford F-150 up next to my truck. I groaned out loud and silently cursed my luck—leave it to Beau to make my good mood evaporate in an instant. I leaned back against my truck, intending to ignore him while I waited for Jen to finish up her shopping. But, just as I figured, he wasn’t going to be able to just leave me alone and go on about his day.

Beau came around his truck and pulled off his sun glasses and hung them on the collar of his red, western style, plaid shirt. A grin cracked across his face, but it wasn’t a friendly, glad-to-see-you grin, it was a cat-cornered-the-mouse kind of grin. I crossed my arms over my chest, aware his eyes were oogling my assets.

“Damn, girl, you are looking fine today.” He whistled and walked over to lean back against his truck directly in front of me, his eyes were leering as they slid over my body, making me feel dirty standing fully clothed in front of him.

“Go away, Beau, I’m not in the mood to be hassled today,” I snapped. I sent a silent plea for Jen to hurry up so we could split.

“Don’t be like that, sweet heart,” he crooned, smiling even wider.

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your sweet heart. I thought I made that clear back in high school, Beau.” I clenched my jaw and glanced over at the store entrance, willing Jen to walk through the doors.

“We both know what you wanted back in high school. Bet you still want the same thing right now, huh?” He grabbed himself to drive his point home. My brain to mouth filtering system malfunctioned when I hit a certain level of anger and right then I was so far past that level that I was surprised I didn’t have a coronary.

“You were a disgusting pig back in high school, Beau. And now it looks like you’ve graduated to a pathetic excuse of a man whore. Congratulations.” My chest was heaving and my heart was pounding when I turned to stomp away toward the store. I was going to go and drag Jen out if I had to, so I could get the Hell outta there. I should have remembered Beau’s anger from the Piggly Wiggly. A large, rough hand clamped down on my bare arm and spun me around, yanking a gasp from my throat.

“Who do you think you are?” Beau’s eyes were wild, his hand held me in a bruising grasp. I tried to yank my arm free, but his grip only tightened more, making me wince in pain.

“Let go of me right now, Beau,” I demanded as calmly as I could, though I was quaking on the inside.

“You think you’re so much better than me?” he asked roughly. “Poor little Beth,” he sneered. “What’s worse I wonder? Being known as the town whore or the daughter of the town religious freaks?” My hand flew out and the crack of my hand hitting his cheek seemed to echo all around me. Sweet Jesus. What had I done? I thought. His head snapped to the side from the force of my blow and his nostrils flared slightly when he turned back to face me. The look on his face and the dangerous gleam in his eyes chilled the blood in my veins. In a split second, his hand cocked back and swung out in full force and everything seem to happen in slow motion. All I could do was prepare myself for the impact.

Out of my peripheral vision I saw a shadow move just before someone snatched Beau’s hand out of mid-air and pulled him back away from me. I stumbled to the side and landed on my knees on the sidewalk. My ears were ringing from a spike in adrenaline. I could barely hear Jen saying my name through the wad of cotton that had been stuffed in my ears. Jen’s hand was on my arms and she was screaming at someone. I stood up with Jen’s help, and for the first time I noticed that Matt had Beau in a death grip, his body tense and menacing, ready to do bodily harm to the scum who’d put his hand on me. I stepped forward on wobbly legs and put a hand on Matt’s back.

“Forget it, Matt. It isn’t worth it.” Matt stiffened when I touched him. He turned his eyes to meet mine and I realized just how close he was to pounding Beau into the asphalt. His eyes ran over me, taking stock of any injuries. When he saw the marks on my arm, angry and red from Beau’s grip, his jaw clenched and his hand fisted tighter in Beau’s shirt. “Please, Matt. Don’t give him the satisfaction,” I pleaded. I was so tired. I just wanted to go back to Jen’s and forget about everything. The storm in Matt’s eyes clamed fractionally as he slowly loosened his grip on Beau’s shirt and gave him a little shove away. I breathed out a breath of relief and placed my hand on Matt’s still-tense arm. “Thank you,” I said softly. Matt sucked in a sharp breath when Beau let out a nasty laugh. My grip tightened on Matt’s forearm.

“The town whore and the pure preacher’s son? You’ve got to be kidding me.” Beau cackled and then stepped forward within arm’s reach. “Did she already spread her luscious thighs for you, Rev?” he spat. Matt’s arm swung out before any of us saw it coming. Jen gasped just as Beau’s head snapped back and his body hit the pavement like the sack of manure he was. I couldn’t summon a single morsel of concern. Jen’s mouth was hanging open in a fish-out-of-water imitation and Matt was standing there looking three parts angry and one part shocked he’d just knocked a guy out cold.

“I’ll call you later, Beth,” Matt said after a few moments of stunned silence. His eyes met mine and he waited until I nodded to walk quickly away from the crowd that was gathering around the spectacle we’d just put on. I didn’t blame him. I’d run like hell from anyone who’d put me through this much trouble too. I watched him as he headed toward the open produce market. I was already feeling the loss of his presence. This was exactly what I had been wanting all along, though, I reminded myself.

“Let’s go home, Jen.” I sighed and rubbed a hand over the tender, already bruising spot on my upper arm. Jen nodded and stepped around Beau’s prone figure to get to my truck.

My mind was a torrent of thoughts by the time we made it back to the house and I knew I would have to work out the over flow of emotions and feelings so my body would be able to relax by the evening. I helped Jen put away the groceries in silence before asking her the question that had been weighing most heavily on my mind since the scene in the grocery store parking lot.

“Matt is the son of a Pastor?” I asked as I stacked the can goods in the pantry.

“Yes. His dad is Pastor Wright of New Hope Community Church just outside of town.” Jen sighed heavily and sat down at the table once all the groceries were put away.

“And I take it he isn’t like the rebellious, bad boy, cliché preacher kid type?” I knew the answer in my heart to the question, that Matt wasn’t, that he was probably the spittin’ image of his religious daddy. Jen gazed at me, her eyes saying she was sorry and how much she wished I’d had a normal upbringing, that I didn’t have issues with religion in general.

“He’s a Sunday school teacher. The children in his class adore him. He never misses a Sunday and punching the crap out of Beau, though well deserved, was definitely out of the norm for him.” She let out a shaky breath and searched my face. I stood there for a few minutes, unable to think clearly. Jen had just confirmed everything I’d already figured out, but it was painful to hear said out loud. Matt was completely off my radar and I had to back the hell away from having anything to do with him.

“Please say something.”

I clenched my jaw and met her worried gaze. “It’s fine.” I waved a hand and walked over and opened the back door.

“What are you doing?” she asked quietly.

“I’m going to work in the garden. I need some time to process everything.” I smiled what I hoped was a convincing smile and shut the door behind me.

I threw myself into my work in the back yard. I pulled weeds, pruned back the rose bushes and even built a pretty red brick border around the herb garden. I found myself relaxing, if just a little, as I put all my energy into one of the few things I’d missed when I left the country life. There was nothing quite like burying your hands in the earth, nurturing plants, watching them flourish and bloom all because of your hard work and tender care.

A few hours later, Jen came outside with an ice cold glass of sweet tea and told me that Matt was on the phone for the third time. I shook my head and sat up on the steps of the back porch to enjoy my tea in the afternoon breeze. I couldn’t talk to him just yet. Jen didn’t say anything, just went inside and left me with my thoughts and the midday sun. When my tea was finished, I grabbed a bucket and filled it with cold, soapy water and began scrubbing the back porch on my hands and knees. My arms began to shake slightly in exhaustion, but I worked relentlessly on getting the back porch spotless.

Everything I’d been concerned about getting involved with Matt had just quadrupled. It was more than the fact that he broke all my rules for dating … he was a freakin’ preacher’s son. He was so different from my normal dating pattern, that it was ridiculous. Not only that, but he was very involved in his church and religion. I just couldn’t go there. I couldn’t give him the kind of relationship he would be looking for. The perfect girlfriend who would hold his hand and attend services together and plan out their perfect, two-point-five kid family, who would be raised in a tiny town and taught to fear a god who would watch their every move. That they would have to fear committing that magical, elusive thing that could send them to a pit of fire for their transgressions. I clenched my teeth and scrubbed with renewed vigor.

My mind traveled back to a particularly painful memory from my childhood. I was only twelve at the time, a vulnerable age, going through puberty, my body starting to undergo awkward changes. I’d never forget the day I started my menstrual cycle. Jen had already begun hers and assured me it was normal. Her mother talked with me and gave me a box of personal items, she even took me out for an ice cream to “celebrate”. I, of course, had to tell my mom that evening that I had started.

I tried to just breeze past the topic, assure her I knew what was happening, and then quickly change the subject. Unfortunately, my mom and dad had to take the opportunity to remind me how my body was changing and that I would have to work extra hard to be more godly and curb my womanly nature to engage in sinful, carnal acts of the flesh. My father made sure I knew that as a woman it would come natural for me to act on my “instincts” and give in to my whorish impulses that could lead me onto a path that would surely lead me straight to the gates of Hell.

Now that I thought back on that day and so many others like it, I could see why Beau Montgomery pissed me off as much as he did when he spread all those false rumors about me being loose in high school. Part of me was afraid that everything my dad said was true, part of me was scared shitless that I was just as broken and sinful as I was told I was and that I deserved whatever eternal hell I would find at the end of my life. Part of me wished I could have been the perfect, straight-and-narrow daughter my daddy always said he wished he’d had. Instead, he’d gotten me.

“Wait, she doesn’t want to talk right now … give her a few days.” Jen’s voice sounded panicked from around the side of the house. Matt came striding around the house, his eyes glinting dangerously. A man on a mission. I was still on my hands and knees with suds all around me.

“Why wouldn’t you take my calls?” Matt demanded. He spoke through clenched teeth and his eyes dared me to say I hadn’t been avoiding talking to him.

“Tell me right now if you want him gone, Beth, and I’ll throw his country bumpkin behind right off my property!” Jen’s hands were on her hips, her hair was coming loose from her braid, and little wisps were flying all around her head, making her look like a crazed momma hen. She had to be at least six inches shorter than Matt and fifty pounds lighter, but she meant every word she said, even if it were technically impossible for her to follow through. Matt’s brow rose in surprise.

“It’s okay, Jen. I’ll talk to him.” I sighed. “But, um, thanks for the offer.” She cast one last glare in Matt’s direction before turning to huff back to the front of the house.

“She can be terrifying,” Matt murmured.

“You have no idea,” I grumbled.

“So, I’ll be coming here to pick you up in a few days for our date,” he announced, his eyes never wavering from mine. I shook my head and opened my mouth to reply. “That’s all I was calling about, to make sure you knew when to be ready for our date.”

“Matt … I just don’t think that is a good idea.” I sat back on my heels, dropped the scrub brush I’d been holding, and wiped my hand on my jean shorts.

“Why? Because of what happened this morning in town?” he asked, his eyes searching mine. “Because that wasn’t your fault, you know. And I would have done the exact same thing if it had been you, my momma, or any other woman who needed my help.”

“It’s not just that, Matt. It’s just not going to work between me and you, you have to see that.” I stood up and made my way over to stand in front of him. “You are a good man, I can tell that, but just not the man for me.” A sharp pain of doubt pierced my chest, but I continued on. “I can’t be the person you would need to me to be. I’m not good enough for you.” Matt sighed and lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair gently behind my ear. I closed my eyes and sucked in a quick breath. Never before had I wanted something so badly.

“So, let me get this straight,” he whispered hoarsely. “You know me better than I know myself and that means you know you are no good for me.” My eyes opened and I found Matt’s golden eyes glinting in the afternoon sunlight, his jaw clenched in restrained anger.

“That’s not …” I began.

“Also, I’m too good for you, meaning if I were a little more … what? A little more dangerous? Maybe unreliable? Selfish? I’d have a chance with you?” he growled.

“No. You’re perfect,” I soothed. “It’s me. I have … issues. I can’t be the perfect woman you deserve.”

“I’m not looking for perfect, I’m looking for real. I’m looking for passion and love, Babe.” He leaned forward until his lips grazed my ear lobe, freezing me in place. “Now get your pretty little behind in the house, get some rest and begin planning what you’ll wear on our date like normal women do,” he breathed against my neck. I shivered and stepped back quickly, shaking my head.

“Matt, I’m not going and that’s final. I’m doing this for both of us.”

“You’re doing this because you’re scared, Beth, and I understand that. But, I’m not going to let your fears keep us from exploring what we have between us. Besides, I won a bet and I plan on calling it in.” He smiled and pointed to the back door. I put my hand on my hips and arched a brow.

“I’d hate to make a scene …” he began, his eyes turned towards the sky like he was consulting a higher power. He caught my eyes and I saw only a spark of danger before it was too late. “But … okay!”

I squealed and tried to evade his arms when he launched himself in my direction. He had the element of surprise on his side, though, and before I knew it, I’d been thrown over his shoulder and popped soundly on the behind. “Stop wiggling, Babe.” He laughed.

“Matthew Wright! You put me down this instant!” I shouted as he swung open the back door and marched me through the kitchen. Another pop on my behind and I was fuming.

“This woulda been a whole lot easier if you’d just admit how much you want my bod,” he announced cheerfully as we passed Jen, who was standing in slack-jawed shock with a hand towel thrown over her shoulder.

“Matt, stop acting like a caveman. Where are you taking me?” I screeched. We were now climbing the stairs to the second floor. My energy had begun to leak out from putting up a fight, all the gardening, and manic scrubbing I’d done.

“Which one is her room?” Matt asked a now devilishly grinning Jen. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and watched as she pointed out my bedroom—the two timing hussy! Before launching me onto my bed, Matt slapped my behind a third time. I landed on my back, staring up at my ceiling, unable to even summon the strength to make a dignified bounce back.

“So, you going to get a shower and then behave like a sane person? Or am I going to have to help you with that too?” he asked, his grin telling me how incredibly appealing he found the idea. I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to look as pious as I could, knowing I’d just been treated like a naughty child.

“I’ll get a shower and I’ll go on your date,” I grumbled. He smiled wickedly and his eyes heated into liquid pools of amber.

“I’m almost disappointed in that answer,” he murmured huskily. I could feel my cheeks flush from the desire burning from his gaze. “I’ll call you and let you know when I’ll be coming to get you.” I nodded my head and he turned to leave the room.

“This will never work. We’ll only end up hurting each other,” I whispered softly. Matt stopped with his back to me and his hand on the door handle.

“I’m willing to take that chance … you’re worth it,” he said without looking at me. I closed my eyes as he left the room. I sure hoped he was right.

t had been a week since Jen had gone out with Hunter. She seemed so nervous and slightly excited when she left, but when she got back, she just flat out refused to talk about it. She grumbled around saying she was an idiot and that they were too different from each other. Matt had called me every day since he’d been a brute and man handled me into my bedroom. Four days after that incident a large bouquet of daisies showed up at our front door with a note attached. Have you named our purple snake yet? That’s all it said and yet I couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off of my face for the rest of the day.

The day of reckoning had finally come though, and Matt was calling in his win. I was more nervous than I cared to admit and I only had to shoot Jen a dirty look half a dozen times to get her to stop poking fun at me.

I stood in front of the mirror and groaned at my reflection. Matt said casual … but there were levels of casual and not knowing where we were going was making me crazed. My jean shorts were good enough for any “casual” situation … I yanked off my Lynyrd Skynyrd tee shirt with a huff and pulled on a lacy, vintage style, dusty rose and cream colored blouse. It had a wide, scooping neckline that would hang a little off one shoulder—making it sexy, but not trashy. I decided against my usual cowboy boots and instead wore a pair of slip on strappy sandals. I added a gold, dangly anklet, pulled my hair up in a soft twist and checked the mirror. I bit my lip and wondered if I should have gone with a skirt instead. I was just about to jerk off my shorts when I heard a knock on the front door down stairs. I took a deep breath and grabbed my boho bag off the bed before heading downstairs.

Matt was wearing dark blue jeans, a pair of black cowboy boots, and a black and turquoise plaid shirt. His black cowboy hat made my mouth water. Matt was hot and I was suddenly surprised that no local girl had snagged him up yet. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Matt was staring, his gaze hot and open and Jen was grinning like a proud parent on prom night. I walked over to Matt and smiled shyly.

“We better go before Jen breaks out a digital camera,” I mock-whispered. Matt took my hand and tingles raced up my arm, causing a giddiness to rush over me.

“Be good, children. Have her back before too late.” Jen giggled and I rolled my eyes as Matt pulled me through the front door.

“You’re having too much fun with this.” I hissed over my shoulder. She stuck her tongue out at me and then winked before shutting the door.

Matt held the door open to the passenger side of his truck for me. I slid in and was suddenly nervous. We drove in easy silence, listening to Matchbox Twenty play softly in the background. We chatted about normal things—light conversation topics, silly, little things. I relaxed after I realized Matt wasn’t going to launch into full out interrogation mode. When we had gone quite a ways out of town and Matt pulled down a dirt road off the main highway, I lifted my brow in question. Matt just beamed over at me. We didn’t go very far before Matt pulled his truck off the side of the road and parked next to an old wooden fence. Matt jumped out of the truck and jogged around to hold my door open for me.

“What are we doing here?” I asked, perplexed. I glanced around at the miles of country in either direction. Matt shut the door to his truck before going to the back and lifting out a large, old blanket and a huge picnic basket from truck bed. He smiled shyly at me when I stood there speechless. He shrugged and reached for my hand.

“I thought you’d rather stay out of town and do something outdoors,” he said. I smiled widely and placed my hand in his. His eyes shifted instantly, going from shy and questioning to dark and determined. I swallowed nervously as he led me over to the wooden fence.

“Up and over, Babe.” He sat the picnic basket down and came over to stand behind me, his hands resting softly on my waist. “Let me give you a boost.” His voice deepened as he whispered in my ear. I grasped the board of the fence with a shaking hand, put a foot on the bottom plank, and then throw my leg over just as Matt gave me a heave-ho up. I made it over with my pride still intact. You can take the girl out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the girl. I beamed over the fence at Matt like I’d just braved bungee jumping. He smiled warmly at me and then handed over the basket and blanket. His long legs swung over the fence gracefully, landing right next to me without any effort. He took the basket in his hand and then twined the fingers of his free hand through mine. The gesture felt so very right just then.

“Aren’t you worried we’ll get in trouble for trespassing?” I asked as we traipsed across a field and up a pretty steep hill.

“Nah. I’m allowed on all this land since my family owns it,” he said with a shrug. My jaw dropped and my mouth made a little “o” in surprise. The land was acres upon acres of sprawling, gorgeous fields and tree lined hills. When we crested the hill we’d been climbing, I sucked in a breath through my teeth. A small lake, surrounded by dogwood trees in full bloom, made the view a spectacular sight to behold. I sighed and closed my eyes just as a breeze wafted the scent of the blossoms to my nostrils. It was heavenly. Matt’s eyes were shining as he watched my reaction.

“Come on, I’m starving.” He pulled me down the hill and over to a lovely spot right next to the lake. We spread out our picnic blanket directly under one of the larger dogwood trees. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning when I shooed Matt’s hands away to unpack the basket he’d brought for us. A bottle of blush colored wine and two wine glasses, A loaf of freshly baked bread, cold cuts and several cheeses, strawberries, blackberries, and a bowl of crisp veggies and ranch dressing. Finally, a beautiful berry parfait packaged in two lovely glass containers. I smiled over at Matt and began making us both a plate. I was enjoying my strawberries after eating more than a girl should on a first date, and watching a flower petal float down from the tree above us when I sensed Matt’s eyes on me.

“What?” I asked as I licked the left over strawberry juice from my lips. He shook his head and the side of his mouth turned up in a grin.

“You have no idea how absolutely beautiful you are, do you?” His voice was soft and sensual, desire burning from beneath his full lashes. I felt a blush work its way over my cheeks. I was amazed that Matt could so easily make me feel more than desired, he made me feel cherished. Matt got up and stretched lazily, I enjoyed the view from where I was reclining on the blanket.

“C’mon, I want to show you something.” He had a boyish enthusiasm and my curiosity was immediately peaked. I put my hand in his, reveling in how thousands of little tingles zinged up my arm when he helped me to my feet. Instead of letting go of my hand, he tucked it under his arm and led me to a small dock on the lake. When we made it to the edge he let go of my hand and squatted down and rubbed his hand over an engraving on the boards of the dock. I bent down next to him to get a closer look. The initials MW, HW, DW, and AC were etched into the dock along with the symbol of unity. I ran my hand over the carvings, wondering what they all stood for.

“MW and HW? You and Hunter?” I asked as I ran a finger over each of the letters.

“Yeah, we used to come here as kids every summer before my granddad passed away. Then my dad inherited it and we moved here a few years back.” He had a crooked little smile on his lips, his thoughts obviously on thinking back to all the shenanigans he used to get into each summer.

“And DW? That’s your older brother, right?” Matt nodded his head.

“Daniel,” he answered.

“What does AC stand for?” I asked, my brow furrowed in thought. Matt’s eyes clouded over as he looked down at the initials and his mouth settled into a straight line.

“Someone we all loved, someone we all lost way too early in life,” he murmured softly. My palms felt clammy as I sat there looking at the pain behind his eyes as he gazed at the dock. It must have been someone he loved dearly, I thought. A first love maybe. I reached out and placed a hand on the side of his face. He sighed deeply as he shut his eyes and leaned his face into my palm. He placed a soft, lingering kiss in my palm that made my pulse flutter. We sat there a little longer before Matt started taking his boots and socks off. I smiled, and took my sandals off as well, excited to dip my feet into the water off the side of the dock. It had been a long time since I’d indulged in such a simple pleasure. Matt’s smile widened and his eyes held mine as he began unbuttoning his shirt. I watched for a minute, struck speechless by the sight of his toned chest. He was tanned and his abs were ripped. I could tell he definitely worked outside without a shirt on. My mouth began to water before I shook myself and tried to keep from drooling. His smile turned wicked when he reached down to unbutton the top of his jeans.

“Whoa! What are you doing?” I screeched like a prude. My eyes widened and I backed up a step.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m hot. I’m going to swim.” He nodded to the lake like I was oblivious to the large body of water surrounding us.

“In your underwear?” I asked with a little less shriek this time. Matt lifted his brow and gave me an “Are you serious?” look.

“Are you saying you’ve never gone swimming spur-of-the-moment in your underwear … or even … skinny dipping?” he asked, his voice disbelieving. I broke his gaze and fiddled with the hem of my shirt.

“No ... I’m not saying that,” I muttered under my breath.

“Good. Problem solved then.” He unzipped his pants and peeled them off, revealing a very fine pair of muscular legs and some sexy, black boxer briefs. I swallowed and looked away. Everything was so not okay. How was I supposed to tell him how he affected me and how that any other time before this moment meant absolutely nothing, because none of those moments were with him? “I didn’t think you were this shy,” he said from entirely too close beside me.

“I’m not,” I snapped a little harsher than I intended.

“So, you’re scared then? You wearing your granny panties today and don’t want me seeing them?” He taunted. I swung around, my mouth open to deliver a scathing set down, but it dried up on my lips when Matt winked and launched himself in the air and landed with a splash in the lake. He came up with a whoop and instead of staying mad, I couldn’t stop smiling. He seemed to have that effect on me.

“Come on, Baby, you ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before,” he taunted with his eyes laughing at me. “I double dog dare ya,” he threw in for good measure. My brow raised at that. The jerk knew I couldn’t walk away from a good dare.

“Alright then.” I pulled my hair out of my clip and let it fall down around my shoulders. Matt whistled and I rolled my eyes. I lifted my shirt slowly over my head and enjoyed the sharp intake of breath I heard from the water. Ah, two could play at this game, and I knew I was no slouch. I was comfortable in my skin, but standing before Matt in nothing but my jean shorts and pink lacey bra, I felt shy. I glanced up, wondering why he had gone quiet. The look on his face erased any doubts I might have been harboring about myself. His eyes burned into me and despite the heat of the day, I shivered. I reached down and unbuttoned my shorts and then shimmied out of them, making sure I took my time.

I turned in a circle and took a bow, much to Matt’s amusement. He whistled and clapped for me and I was giggling by the time I gathered enough bravado to leap into the cold water. The cool water knocked the wind from my lungs momentarily, but the chill didn’t last long. The day was gorgeous and plenty hot enough to have warmed the water in the lake. I began swimming towards Matt, his grin infecting my mood, infecting my heart, making me crazier about him than I already was.

“You look right at home doggy paddling in a lake in your pink panties,” he said with faked thoughtfulness. I splashed him in the face, catching him off guard. He spluttered, wiped his eyes, and then wagged his finger at me. “You’d better behave yourself, Miss Michaels,” he warned. I never was one for taking advice. I heaved an unholy amount of water right into his face and screeched when he sputtered in outrage. I began swimming away as quickly as possible, aware I’d probably just sealed my own doom.

“That was the wrong thing to do, sweet heart,” he called from behind me. I hadn’t stood a chance. I’m pretty sure Matt had had an unfair advantage though, at least I told myself that to soothe my wounded ego when he caught up with me in record time. I squealed when his hands banded around my ankle and pulled me back through the water.

“Time for a payback,” he sang. His arms encircled my waist, pulling me back and turning me around to face him. His eyes were dark, his nostrils flaring slightly from the chase. I only struggled for a second before I realized in doing so, I was rubbing my scantily clad, wet body up against his in the process. I became still and rested my hands on his chest.

“Do you quit?” he asked huskily. His body was almost wrapped around mine, I felt hot all over again, my body singing out so close to his.

“Quit is such a strong word,” I murmured softly, my eyes taking in the droplets on his thick lashes, the closeness of his lips as he spoke.

“How about concede defeat, then?” he spoke against my neck. I groaned and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Defeat?” I asked hazily as I threaded my finger through his messy, wet hair. He kissed the corner of my mouth gently, before repeating the intimate gesture on the other side. He began trailing tender kisses all over my face, behind my ear and then down my neck before he took possession of my mouth in a soul binding kiss that banished all my doubts and fears to the bottom of the lake. I pressed myself into him, unable to get as close as I wanted. He broke away breathing heavily, his eyes darkened with passion. He grabbed my hand and swam for the dock, pulling me along behind him.

Matt helped me out of the water only to grab me behind the nap of my neck and pull me forward into a whirlwind of give and take kisses. My hands wanted to feel every part of him, to touch every single inch of his skin. He kissed me one last time, lingering on that kiss like it should never end. He rested his forehead on mine, with his hand cupping the back of my neck.

“Not here,” he whispered. “It’s not good enough for you here.” I looked up into his perfect brown eyes and realized just how absolutely wonderful he was, exactly how much he had slid beneath my skin in such a short amount of time. This was exactly the perfect place. I stepped back and grabbed my shoes and clothes. I walked past Matt, and nodded to his pile of clothing and cowboy hat on the dock.

“Better grab those … you’re going to need them … eventually.” I winked and began running toward our picnic area. “Bet ya can’t catch me this time.” I threw over my shoulder, boldly. I almost made it to the blanket before Matt caught up with me. He grabbed me from behind, pulling me off my feet, giggling. He turned me around before picking me up and twirling me around through the air.

“I may have to spank you for that,” he said in a growl. My blood heated up and I melted against him, my arms wrapping around his neck as I reached up on my tip toes to murmur against his lips.

“I don’t mind a little spanking every now and then.” I nipped the bottom of his lip with my teeth and then flicked my tongue out to lick it. He tasted of sunshine and summertime—two of my favorite things. His arms tightened around me and we both crashed to the blanket in a tangle of lips and limbs. His body molded to mine, fitting me perfectly. His hand caressed my thigh, my side, the expanse of my stomach. I quivered, my body on fire, my need to be consumed by him driving me.

I reveled in the way my body responded to his, I was lost to his tender caresses, the way his tongue demanded me to respond to his passion. When he was finally inside me I knew in that moment that I never made love before. Had sex? Yes. But made love? Matt was my first. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he took his time moving in and out of me, his mouth trailing kisses down my neck and across my collarbone. When his mouth closed around my nipple I gasped, nearly coming unraveled. His gaze captured mine as his rhythm began to quicken. We both traveled to the edges of our desire, our bodies and souls joined as one as we reached the pinnacle of our passion. My body arched into his as my orgasm fractured me into a million pieces before slamming me back down to earth and into the arms of the man who’d just stolen a portion of my heart and soul.

laid in Matt’s arms under the shade of dogwood tree with fragrant blossoms all around us and sighed in contentment as he ran his hand in small, soft circles on my lower back. Then the realization of what I’d just done and with whom came crashing down too soon and too harshly. I moaned and rolled away from Matt to search for my clothes.

“Jesus, Matt. I’m sorry. I didn’t think this through very well.” I shimmied into my panties and began fastening my bra.

“What is there to think about?” Matt stepped up behind me and placed a kiss on my shoulder. I shivered, knowing I was one more strategically placed kiss away from ringing the bell for round two. Instead, I shrugged him off as gently as possible and grabbed my shorts and shirt off the ground.

“There’s a lot, actually,” I snapped a bit too harshly. Matt’s mouth straightened into a flat line as he pulled on his jeans and shirt. My body turned towards his to comfort him without even thinking about it. I frowned and stopped myself by pulling my hair back and clipping it up. I felt physically taunt, ready to snap at the least provocation. What was the most disconcerting was the fact that it wasn’t Matt I was angry with. It was me. I hated that I let myself feel so much for someone like Matt. Was it some kind of sick joke that I was falling in love with someone who was religious. My face tingled as the blood rushed from my face. Was I already falling in love with him? I clasped my arm around my waist, trying to sort through all the emotions I was feeling.

“Hey, you okay?” Matt placed a hand on my arm. I pulled my gaze from the ground and stared directly into his eyes and felt as if the earth had tilted on its side. I’d begun to fall in love with someone who could hurt me more than I’d ever been hurt before, with someone who I had no business being with. If he knew how I felt about religion …. I gasped and stumbled backward a step.

“I’d like to go home now,” I whispered, stunned. Matt studied my face with a look of confusion and hurt on his face for so long that I glanced away, unable to stand the pain I’d caused him.

“Okay,” he clipped off. He began gathering all the stuff off the ground and we walked back to the truck in silence. The truck ride back into town was as tense as it was silent. I knew if I said anything I would burst into tears, and the last thing Matt needed was a female who had just weirded out after sex to start weeping ta-boot. The silence was worse than if he had just blown up and began shouting.

We pulled up in front of Jen’s house just as it was beginning to get dark. I wanted to jump out of his truck and make a run for the door, but Matt didn’t deserve that. He deserved better than that. My hand tightened around the handle of his door and I took in a deep breath.

“Jen told me your dad is a Pastor,” I blurted out and then blushed. Matt’s eyes widened in confusion and then anger.

“You have a problem with me because of my Dad?” he growled.

“Yes … I mean … no.” I ran a weary hand over my face and sighed.

“It’s not just that … it’s the whole package.” Matt was staring at me, waiting for me to continue on. “It’s me. Since I was a little girl I swore that I’d never come back to Salem. That I’d never fall in love with someone who made religion an important part of their lives. I’d stuck to those rules and a few others … until you.” I glanced down at my lap and twisted the handle of my purse. I didn’t think he caught my little slip.

“So, you have a problem with our relationship because I go to church and live in a small town?” he asked with disbelief lacing his voice. I nodded slightly. “Why?” he asked softly. I briefly considered not telling him, but I had already opened up to him, slept with him, and started to fall in love with him. I wanted to tell him. I glanced out my window and relaxed back into my seat.

“I had religious parents. Southern, small town, narrow minded parents who used the Bible and God at every turn to tell me lovely bed time stories about hell and how little girls who disobeyed, who didn’t curb their sinful natures, would go there to live and burn for an eternity with Satan and all his demons.” I smiled sadly over at Matt before continuing on. “I remember hearing those stories as early as three or four years old. I wanted stories about fairies and dragons, princesses and frogs, but I never got those kinds of stories. When I got older, I had to try to “purge” myself from all sinful desires, which meant colorful clothing, jewelry, sweets, music, or anything that could possibly cause me to turn from a holy life. The long stick that had spare the rod and spoil the child etched into it that my father used to hit me with wasn’t the worst thing, writing verses to match whatever transgressions I’d committed until my fingers blistered weren’t the worse things either.” Matt flinched slightly, but I continued on, everything flowing forth for the very first time. I’d never even spoken to Jen about all the things I’d endured.

“It was having to pretend to be someone I wasn’t, locking away the real me in a tiny box of never ending darkness for all those years just to please my parent’s god, that hurt the most. The physical scars healed after time, but the ones on the inside, where I buried my personality, my dreams, and my very spirit … those are not so easily healed.” Matt’s hand found mine and he brought it to his lips to place a gentle kiss across my knuckles. A single tear tracked down my cheek.

“Beth, I’m so sorry, honey.” His finger wiped my tear away. I leaned my face into his palm and breathed in the scent of his skin. “So, you left when you turned eighteen and decided to steer clear of anyone who could have serious religious affiliations?” I nodded and he sighed deeply.

“That’s why this could never work, Matt. I’m screwed up. I haven’t stepped in a church in over four years and you’re a freakin’ Sunday school teacher.” I huffed and threw my hands in the air … surely he could see the problem.

“You know that not all religious people act like your parents do, right? That they took things and twisted them, made horrors of your life in the name of God? It wasn’t right and I’d never do something like that.” His eyes searched mine and I nodded. I knew those things … but knowing and believing are two different things entirely. I never wanted to take that chance before.

“Tell me what you think about people who go to church,” he asked quickly. My mouth answered before I had time to switch the brain-to-mouth filter on.

“In a few words? Narrow minded. Delusional. Hypocrites. Bible thumpers. Hateful, mind controlling jackasses.” I slapped my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide with mortification. Matt’s eyes flashed, but I couldn’t tell if it was in anger or amusement. A bit of both, I’d wager.

“No need to hold back on my account,” he muttered with a dimple flashing. I laughed lightly, glad he hadn’t been offended.

“I just don’t see how we could continue on and not ended up hurting each other or trying to change one another. I can’t alter who I am for anyone because of religion ever again.” I searched his eyes, waiting for the shutters to drop, waiting for him to realize what I’d been saying all along was trues, waiting for my heart to break … but it never happened.

“Before you give up on what we have,” He twined his fingers with mine as he spoke. “Because we do have something amazing between us.” He raised a brow, waiting for me to acknowledge at least that. I nodded. “Let me take you somewhere tomorrow. Just to show you something.” I stiffened in my seat, but his hand squeezed mine and he gave me a knowing smirk. “Don’t worry. It won’t be church.” I relaxed a little and he continued on. “I think it might surprise you … in a good way,” he said with a mischievous grin.

“Okay,” I answered softly. Matt leaned over, his face only an inch away from mine and whispered against my lips.

“You won’t frighten me away, Baby. I’m not looking for someone who looks a certain way, lives a certain way, or even believes a certain way. I’m looking for the person who completes me, the person I can’t live without, and the person who drives me so completely insane that I feel like a hole has been ripped out of my chest when we’re apart.” My eyes widened and I melted into him as his lips caressed mine gently, teasing, asking for permission. I made a small sound in the back of my throat and opened to him. He seared me with the promise his kiss held.

“Now get inside and get some rest before I take advantage of you right here and now,” he mumbled against my lips.

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” I answered. Matt chuckled and gave me another peck on the lips before coming around to open the door for me. Always the perfect gentleman.

After Matt left, I sat on the front porch for a few minutes, thinking over everything that had happened in the past two weeks. It had been one hell of a roller coaster ride, with the night at the fair, what happened with Beau in town, my freak out after making love to Matt, and now actually daring to hope we might have some small chance to make our relationship work. A whirlwind of emotions, indeed. I headed inside, I needed to talk to my best friend and see what she thought.

Jen wasn’t downstairs reading or in the kitchen, so I trudged up the stairs and knocked once on her bedroom door before barging in. She was sitting on the edge of her bed with a piece of paper in her hand crying. When she saw me come in she wiped at her face and quickly stuffed the paper in her night stand drawer.

“Oh no, Jen. Are you okay?” I came over to her and sat down to take her hand in mine.

“I’m fine. Really. Just being silly.” I pulled her into a hug. Here I was all wrapped up in my own drama and it had only been a little more than three weeks since Mrs. Collin’s funeral. I was such a crappy friend. She sniffled and pulled back with a small smile on her face.

“So, how was your date?” she asked as she waggled her brows.

“It was interesting … but, we don’t need to talk about that right now. It isn’t important.”

“This is exactly what I need right now,” Jen complained. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I need to talk about normal things, best friend things. It will help me keep my mind of everything.” She smiled sadly and my heart broke just a little bit more for her.

“Well, if that’s the case, then go get the wine coolers and ho-hos, I’ll get the Buffy DVDs, this is going to be a long night.” Jen squealed and bounced off the bed to grab the goodies. I learned a lot that night—like how incredibly mind blowing ho-hos and wine coolers were together, how that you could discover the answers to life’s most difficult questions by watching Buffy, but most of all, that no matter what was going on in life—a best friend could make it all seem bearable.

hen I drug my sorry behind out of bed the next morning, still wearing my cookie monster pajama bottoms and tank top, Jen was already up with a cup of coffee in hand. She stood at the sink staring out the window into the backyard with a faraway look on her face. She didn’t even notice when I came in the kitchen.

“Is there some of that for me?” I yawned. Jen jumped at the sound of my voice and then smiled over at me.

“Sure is. Help yourself.” She nodded to the coffee pot. I poured myself a cup and took a sip, grateful for the rush of delicious caffeine into my system. Jen looked as put together as usual, though there seemed to be more bags under her eyes than I’d noticed before. I frowned and wondered how she was really. Maybe it was time for us to have a serious heart to heart. I opened my mouth to tell her that, when she turned quickly and began rinsing her cup out.

“I have a few errands to run this morning. I won’t be long,” she said with her back still to me. I furrowed my brow in thought. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I knew something was up, something even more than her mom’s death. I sighed and sat down at the kitchen table and flipped open the local newspaper.

“Okay, but I think we need to talk.” Jen took a breath and her mouth opened to deny it, but I cut her off to spare her from having to lie. “I’m your best friend, Jen. You can’t lie to me, so … don’t.” Jen’s mouth snapped shut and her cheeks pinkened lightly when her eyes met mine. Here jaw clenched tightly and she nodded. “We don’t have to talk about it now. But we will talk about it soon. You know I can make your life a living hell if you don’t, right?” I raised a brow in mock severity and she let out a bark of laughter. She raised both hands in the air and rolled her eyes.

“We will talk soon, then. Just not today,” she rasped out. I held her gaze a moment longer before turning back to the paper.

“Looks like the local boy scouts are having a car wash and bake sale today. You should stop by while you’re out and pick up some brownies,” I mentioned offhandedly. Jen laughed lightly as she picked her purse and keys up off of the table.

“I might just do that,” she answered. “I love you like a sister, Beth. I thank God every day for bringing you into my life.” She smiled at me, her face a mix of love and sadness.

“And I love you too. I hate to think where I’d be right now if it weren’t for you and your mom.” I choked up slightly and had to blink rapidly to keep my tears in check. “We’ll be the crazy, old ladies in town one day. Well, you’ll have all the kids and grandkids and I’ll be the eccentric and sinfully rich Auntie to your brood.” I laughed and Jen smiled sadly at me from the doorway. I waved at her and blew a kiss. “Whatever it is, we’ll talk when you’re ready,” I said softly. Jen nodded and blew a kiss back at me as she left the room.

“Don’t forget those brownies!” I yelled to her as the front door closed.

I eyed the overflowing dirty laundry basket with disgust. I needed clean clothes, though, so they had to be done. I doubt going out with Matt that night sans panties would be a good idea. I smiled wickedly to myself before grabbing the basket with a huff and heading out to the washer. Washing laundry wasn’t all that bad, but Jen’s mom didn’t own a dryer. She liked to hang clothes out on the line. She once told me she loved hanging laundry out to dry, that she enjoyed the fresh air, sunlight, and the time she had alone to think and pray. I shook my head and wondered for the hundredth time how she had kept her spirits so high with all the treatments and stuff she had been through.

When my laundry was ready to go on the line, I dropped the heavy basket on the back porch and ran up to my room to grab my ipod. Music could make any situation a little more fun. My ipod wasn’t anywhere to be found though and I was just about to give up the search when I remembered that Jen had borrowed it a few days before.

Jen’s room was the same as it had always been for the last ten years. Sure, it had some minor changes. Fewer teddy bears and a ton of high school memories, but it was still Jen. I caressed a photo taped to her mirror. It was a pic of Jen and me with our arms around each other, wearing our matching outfits. It seemed like yesterday. I sighed and searched the top of her desk and dresser for my ipod without any luck. I went over to her night stand and pulled out a several pieces of paper and sat them on her bed to rifle through the drawer for the missing ipod. I found the ipod and earphones in the drawer tucked in a stuffed kangaroo’s pouch. I grinned and picked up the papers to shove them back into her drawer.

My eyes snagged on a single word on one of the papers as I was shutting the drawer. I froze where I was standing and pulled the drawer back out slowly with my heart pumping so hard I could hear its pounding in my ears. The rapid thumping in my head caused me to feel off centered and dizzy as I lifted the paper out of the drawer and sat down on the edge of Jen’s bed. The top left hand corner had the name and address of the cancer clinic Jen’s mom had gone to for her regular checkups. The letter, however, was addressed to Jen.

My hand tightened around the letter as I sat there with a sick feeling settling into my stomach. The letter was dated a few days after Mrs. Collins had passed away. It said that Jen had missed her appointment for a biopsy and that they had tried to contact her several times by phone and would urge her not to put off the test, but instead either call the office or come in to reschedule her appointment. I read the letter several times, my eyes blurring from the tears. I sat there in disbelief, shock and horror. Jen needed a biopsy? Had she found a lump?

A fuzziness started in the back of my throat, a tingling in my jaw, and my body shook tiny tremors from the cold sweat I’d broken out in, pushing me to run for the bathroom to release the entire contents of my stomach. I sat on the cool tile, hanging from the toilet bowl with the letter still clutched in my hand, and tears running down my face for I don’t know how long. All I knew was that my world had been rocked to its very foundations. If anything ever happened to Jen … I shook my head viciously. It was nothing. It had to be a false alarm.

I got off the floor on shaky legs and splashed my face with cool water. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and saw the desperation there. I bowed my head and closed my eyes, my hands tightening painfully on the porcelain sink in front of me. I clenched my jaw and made up my mind that very second that I’d help Jen get through this, that I’d take her to get the biopsy, I’d hold her hand and I’d make sure no matter what … she would be alright, that she’d have a long, happy life. No one deserved it more. When I glanced up once again, I saw pain in the back of my eyes, but I also saw a hell of a lot of determination. I stuck the letter back in Jen’s nightstand drawer before heading back downstairs with my ipod forgotten in my pocket to hang my laundry to dry.

It turns out Mrs. Collins was right. With the sun shining down on my face, the cool breeze blowing the fresh scent of my laundry all around me, and the many little sounds of nature you can only hear if you live out in the country, I felt a little more calm by the time I was finished and heading inside to wait for Jen to return from town. I contemplated whether or not I should confront her or wait until she was ready to bring it up herself. I decided to wait a day or two, but I knew the quicker she got the test done the better, so I wasn’t going to wait longer than that.

en and I shared a very quiet lunch together before I excused myself to take a nap before I had to get ready for my evening with Matt. I couldn’t sit there and make small talk with her knowing that she could have the same thing that killed her mom and yet she was pretending nothing was going on. I rolled over on my bed with my earplugs in and let the soothing sounds of Louis Armstrong calm my frantic thoughts just enough not to run back downstairs and shake some sense into my best friend. She was scared. Simple as that. And I had to make her see that no matter what, I would be there for her. I lay in my bed so long, thinking over everything that had happened in the past week that I almost ran late getting dressed.

Matt didn’t tell me where he was taking me, but he did say we would have dinner somewhere relaxed. I opted for a teal and cream striped maxi dress with a little black shrug and a pair of black wedges. I left my hair down and kept my makeup to a bare minimum. He, of course, was right on time and I was glad I wouldn’t have to stand around and chat with him and Jen before we left since she was taking a shower.

“You seem awfully quiet tonight,” Matt said gently as we rode out of town once again. I shrugged a shoulder and sighed.

“Just a lot on my mind,” I muttered.

“Anything you need to talk to someone about?” he asked.

“No, but thank you.” I smiled and made an effort to push all my worry about Jen out of the forefront of my mind for the night. His eyes searched my face. I knew he could tell I was a little off, but I was grateful he didn’t push or prod. We turned down a road and I saw a small church sitting up on a pretty hill up ahead and gasped.

“You said it wasn’t a church!” I snapped, my eyes wide with the pain of betrayal. Matt’s head snapped to the side and his eyes met mine. I could see the anger building behind his eyes.

“I did say that, and I’m not the kind of man who would lie about something like that,” he growled at me. I realized a little too late that we weren’t slowing down to turn up the church’s driveway, instead we were bypassing it. I glanced over at Matt, who had a tick in his jaw from the force with which he had been grinding his teeth.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered lightly. “I’ve had a long day, I’m just a little on edge.” Matt nodded in my direction with his eyes never leaving the road. A few miles later we pulled off the road in front of a large wrought iron gate, where Matt got out to open for us to pass through. When he got back in the truck, I raised my brow, wondering where the heck we were.

When we pulled up to a large, red brick country home with a beautiful wrap-around porch and several trucks parked in the front yard, I was still clueless. It wasn’t until Matt opened the door for me to hop out of his truck and a slightly older, female version of Matt with his warm brown eyes and easy smile came out on the front porch, did I realize Matt had brought me to his family’s house for dinner. He didn’t take me church, no, he took me straight to his preacher daddy for a one-on-one intervention.

Matt’s hand on my back, gently pressing me forward, was probably the only thing that kept me from launching myself back into his truck and demanding that he take me home. When I reached the front door, four men had joined Matt’s mom there. Hunter was leaning against the wall, a huge grin splitting his face like he knew exactly the terror I was feeling from being surrounded by Matt’s entire family.

“Thank goodness you’ve finally arrived.” Mrs. Wright came over and put an arm around me, shooing Matt away gently. “There are only so many hours a woman can put up with this much testosterone in one room.” She winked and I relaxed just a fraction. “I’m sure Matt neglected to tell you he was bringing you here by the shell-shocked look on your face.” My mouth flew open to deny it, but she waved it off with a snort. “Men have no idea what terrors women face when meeting their boyfriend’s family for the first time.” I smiled. She wasn’t so terrifying. When we all shuffled inside and I turned around, I was faced by a wall of Wright men and a male guest whom I didn’t know.

“Beth … nice to see you again. Looking forward to the evening. I hope you’re not planning on any wagers tonight.” Hunter smirked and I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Depends on if I will have an honest chance. Unlike the other night at the fair,” I snapped.

“Oh dear, don’t tell me. The ring toss?” A larger, blue eyed version of Matt, who had a tattoo of thorns across his knuckles, chuckled and shook his head. I blushed and a small smile spread across my face.

“Won a date with that wager,” Hunter guffawed. I narrowed my eyes at him and he laughed even louder.

“I’m Daniel, by the way.” He stuck his hand out and I grasped it in mine. “The older, more handsome brother.” He winked and I laughed as Matt and Hunter protested with groans and barbs about his supposed handsomeness.

“Alright boys. Keep it down, you’re all equally handsome. Got it from your old man, after all.” Matt’s dad stepped forward, his blue eyes twinkling, taking me by surprise with their gentleness. “I’m so happy to meet you, Beth. Hope we don’t scare you away before the night is over.” He smiled broadly and I smiled in return as Mrs. Wright called out that we should all eat before dinner got cold.

We all sat down to a large wooden table weighted down with a veritable southern feast. My eyes rounded when I took in the enormous amount of food. Matt chuckled deeply from beside me, which sent shivers coursing down my spine.

“Don’t worry. This isn’t near as much as it looks, especially when you have five grown men who have been working outside all day bringing their bear-sized appetites with them.” I sat down next to Matt and his hand immediately found mine. He brought our clasped hands up and placed a gentle kiss on the back of mine. “I am so glad you’re here tonight,” he whispered into my ear, stirring wisps of hair around my face. I shivered and smiled over at him.

“I’m glad I’m here too,” I said, honestly. I only twitched once when Matt’s dad began a prayer over the meal.

“Dear Lord, thank you so much for my family, for the food we’re about to eat, for a good day’s work, and for the beautiful woman who’s always been by my side through thick and thin. Thank you for old friends and new. Amen.” I sat there for a second in mild shock as everyone started passing bowls and platters around the table. That was it? No hidden barbs, no hidden messages? Matt was grinning like he’d heard my thoughts when my gaze landed on him. He handed me a bowl of green bean casserole and shrugged as if to say “what did you expect?” I shook my head and scooped out the casserole onto my plate. What exactly did I expect?

“Beth, did you get to meet Keith?” Mrs. Wright touched the man sitting next to Daniel on the arm.

“I don’t think I did,” I answered. Mrs. Wright huffed and shot a rebuking glance over at her eldest son. He blushed under her momma-stare and wiped his mouth off with his napkin.

“Sorry. I’m not usually that inconsiderate.” Daniel grinned and placed a hand gently on the man’s shoulder. “Beth, this is Keith … my partner.” Keith smiled and squeezed Daniel’s hand, giving me a needed extra second to snap my mouth shut and pop my eyes back in their sockets.

It wasn’t the fact that Daniel was gay, not even close. I’d had several gay friends over the years—some of the best people I ever met were gay, but the fact that they were open about it right at Pastor Wright’s table had nearly knocked me off my chair. Not only that, but it was plain as day that both Pastor and Mrs. Wright adored Keith. Matt’s hand squeezed my leg under the table. One of Matt’s surprises, I thought. If he’d been trying to shock me and open my eyes a little … he’d succeeded.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Keith. You from the Salem area?” Keith had a light accent that I couldn’t place until he told me he was originally from Boston before joining the army, where he had met Daniel. Conversation flowed without pause and I found myself enjoying the evening. The food was delicious and I wasn’t the least bit shy about asking for a second helping of Mrs. Wright’s homemade apple crumb pie. The woman made her own vanilla bean ice cream, for heaven’s sake.

“So, has my thick headed son asked you to the barn dance tomorrow night yet?” Pastor Wright sat next to his wife on a double seated rocker out on the front porch. I was sitting in a rocker next to Matt while Hunter was lounging on the steps of the porch. Daniel and Keith had already left to go back to their place because they had an early morning on the following day. Matt groaned beside me and Hunter chuckled from his spot on the steps.

“What?” His dad asked with a wicked gleam in his eye. Now I knew where Matt got that look from.

“There’s going to be dancing, pie eatin’ contests, and a bake off. Should be a lot of fun, just about the whole town will be there.” Mrs. Wright sat back and snuggled into her husband’s side and sighed. “I do love a southern barn dance.” I grinned up into Matt’s laughing eyes and raised a brow.

“I was going to ask you … later.” Matt shot over at his dad.

“Well, in that case, I’d love to … oh.” Jen. I couldn’t leave her alone now, not when I knew how much she was going through. I shouldn’t be off leaving her at home by herself at night again.

“What is it?” Matt asked, his forehead furrowed in concern.

“It’s Jen … I really can’t leave her alone all night again.” I gave him a regretful smile and shrugged. I really did want to enter that baking contest. There would always be time to have fun, though … once I took care of Jen.

“Why can’t Hunter take Jen?” Mrs. Wright commented sweetly. “She could use a little fun, the poor sweetheart.” I glanced over at Hunter who had a look of utter shock and mortification on his face that his mother was actually playing match maker. His mouth hung open for a while before he gathered himself enough to snap it closed.

“I don’t need anyone to get a date for me,” he gritted out.

“I wasn’t trying to get you a date …” she sputtered.

“I’m perfectly capable of getting my own date …” he muttered

“I was just saying that she’s far too pretty and young to stay at home. And you could get out a little more too. You don’t think she’s pretty?”

“Of course I think she’s pretty,” he snapped.

“And you’re not doing anything tomorrow are you?” She shrugged her shoulder and I hid a smile. Matt was full out grinning next to me, enjoying his brother’s discomfort.

“No, I’m not doing anything tomorrow, but…”

“So if you think she’s pretty and aren’t doing anything anyway, I guess it would make perfect sense for you two to go together.” Mrs. Wright waved a hand as if that settled the matter.

“Well … I guess I wouldn’t mind getting out of the house for few hours,” Hunter replied with a scowl. His mom gave me a knowing wink.

“It’s settled then, Beth will break the news to Jen tonight and we’ll all go together tomorrow night.” Matt paused for a second. “Would you care to make a friendly wager around the pie eating contest?” I groaned when Matt, Hunter, and his dad all argued how they would be the winners this year. Evidently it was a pretty big thing to win the title of Salem’s Pie Pig. Who knew?

A profound weight had been lifted off of my heart by the time we left the Wright home. I guess stereotyping can go both ways. Did that mean I would be comfortable going to church and hearing hour long sermons? Absolutely not. But at least I could feel more comfortable around Matt and his family—and that’s all that was really important to me right then.

“Hey, where are you right now?” Matt asked from beside me.

“Just thinking about how much I enjoyed time with your family tonight.” Mrs. Wright was something else. I smiled as I recalled how she managed to get Hunter to do what she wanted without him ever realizing it. She had mad momma skills. “I’m also wondering if I should be concerned that you carry around an inflatable bed for your truck.” Matt brought our intertwined hands up and kissed the back of my knuckles, raising little goose bumps along my arm as he did. My eyes left the beautiful starry sky we were lying under in the back of his truck bed to find Matt gazing fixedly at me. My breath caught in my chest and I reached up to push a wayward lock of his hair off of his forehead.

“I’ve never taken a girl out like this before, sweetheart. You’re the only girl I’ve ever wanted to sleep under the starry night sky with. You make the stars shine a little bit brighter and the night bloomin’ jasmine smell a little bit sweeter.” My heart fluttered wildly at his words. No man had ever said such beautiful things to me before and I knew no man ever would again. Matt was one of a kind and every time we were together I fell a little more in love with him. I leaned over and kissed him gently, savoring the feel of his lips against mine, the complicated woodsy scent of him, and the way his arms held me gently as if he were touching the most precious thing on earth.

“I’ve never wanted anything as much as I do right now.” I murmured against his lips. “I’ve never felt more alive than I do when you’re touching me, Matt.” I melted into him as his mouth crashed down on mine, his lips soaking up my confession and his body showing me exactly how he felt. No matter how many years I live, I will always remember the tiniest details of that night out in the middle of a field, miles away from another human being. How the stars twinkled just for us, like a million, tiny, flickering candles lighting the night sky. How even though the evening was cool and flowers scented the air around us, that it was Matt’s embrace that kept me warm and his scent that lingered more vividly than any flower ever could. How that as we made love to each other, the world fell away and nothing else mattered except the rise and fall of our synchronized breathing, the wildness of our hearts, beating as one, and the words I love you floating all around me, planting themselves into my heart, as Matt whispered them into my hair.

he cloud of contentment and peace when I woke up in the next morning quickly faded as soon as I got a look at the puffy, dark circles under Jen’s eyes. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, staring out into space and I could see the stress and strain of all the she had endured etched clearly onto her face.

“Jen?” I asked softly. She jumped and then shook her head gently to clear it, managing a small smile. I went in and sat cross legged on the bed beside her. I pushed a strand of her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. I sighed deeply and took her hand in mine. “We’ll get through this. We’ll call today to make an appointment and then we’ll go together.” Jen sucked in a breath sharply, her eyes widened and then she released her breath with her shoulders slumping a little.

“How long have you known?” she asked, deflated.

“Since yesterday morning.”

“How?” She chewed her bottom lip.

“I found the letter in your night stand when I was searching for my ipod.” She nodded with her head still bowed, her eyes on her lap.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you, I just couldn’t think about it right then, not with my mom ….” She stopped as her voice broke and cleared her throat.

“I know. It’s okay. I’m here and now that I know, you don’t need to keep so much on your shoulders. Let me help, let me be the person you yell at, cry on, or whatever you need. You’re strong and no matter what, you’re going to be okay. You have to be.” Jen sighed deeply again before leaning over and laying her head on my shoulder. I smoothed my hand over her head and kept saying all the things I knew she needed to hear, all the things I needed to hear, and all the things I hoped with all my heart would turn out to be true.

When we went down stairs, Jen called for an appointment and they said they wanted to see her the next day. I tried not to think about that and about her mom dying of cancer. What were Jen’s odds of having it? I didn’t know and I really didn’t want to. I just couldn’t.

“So, tomorrow is a long way away when you have something coming you don’t want to think about,” I said conversationally as we ate our Chunky Monkey ice cream, which we’d decided was perfect for breakfast that morning.

“It is. We should do something. Movie?” She dug out what was left of her ice cream and licked her spoon.

“I actually have something planned,” I said, my eyes still on my ice cream.

“Oh no,” Jen groaned.

“What?” I asked around a spoonful of what could aptly be described as heaven.

“You had that tone.” I raised a brow and Jen rolled her eyes. “You know … that one where you have an idea and I ended up knee deep in some kinda trouble.” I smirked and pointed my now-empty-spoon at her.

“I’ll have you know it wasn’t entirely my idea.” It was Jen’s turn to lift her brow.

“Oh really? Pray tell, what exactly is your idea and whom have you been conspiring with?” Jen crossed her arms over her chest and I beamed at her.

“Conspire is such a nasty word.” I complained. Jen signaled for me to get on with it.

“Matt is taking me to the barn dance tonight.” Jen’s face fell. “And Hunter is taking you.” Jen gasped and vaulted out of her chair.

“You set me up on a double date?” she yelped. I flinched.

“It was Hunter’s mom too,” I pouted. Jen gasped and collapsed back down into her chair.

“Oh this just keeps getting better and better. I went from my best friend setting me up with her boyfriends’ brother, to a guy’s mother setting me up with her son.” Jen plunked her head down on the table in front of her. “I’m pathetic.” I began laughing until Jen threatened to tell all my dirty little childhood secrets to Matt.

“It’s not as bad as all that … he said you’re pretty.” I smiled when her eyes grew thoughtful.

“Did he now?” she asked softly. “Well, it really doesn’t matter. He’s definitely not my type and it’s obvious that this is a pity date, so I won’t worry about it. You better realize how much I love you, I’d have killed anyone else for this.” Her eyes narrowed and I kept my grin in check … barely.

“So, what are we entering in the baking contest?” I asked. I rubbed my hands together in anticipation. Two things I adored—baking and a good, healthy competition. Jen laughed as she got out her mom’s hand written cookbook.

“You’re going to be nice if you lose, right?” I put a hand on my chest and gave her the most innocent look I could muster. She laughed even harder, so I’m not entirely sure I could pull off innocent.

“I promise to be a good sport.” I held up my hand in what I hoped was the boy scout salute and not some sort of gang symbol. Jen still looked unconvinced, so I shrugged and began on a first draft of my acceptance speech for the first place ribbon we’d be taking home. Jen’s laughter was a wonderful sound to my ears.

By the time we baked several batches of goodies and made huge batch of blackberry jam, the kitchen was a disaster area. But, we were too busy baking, tasting, cleaning, and laughing to take too close a look at Jen’s impending appointment the next day and that’s exactly what I wanted.

“What do you think of this one?” Jen pulled out a pretty dress and a cardigan from her closet to add to the growing pile of clothing on her bed. She was putting an awful lot of thought into an outfit for her “pity date”. I didn’t bring that little fact up though.

“It’s cute.” I said. She dropped her arms and glanced over at me.

“By cute, you mean boring?” She groaned. “I have no idea what to wear, maybe I need a change or something.” I jumped up off the floor and went over to her very over-stuffed closet.

“You’ve got tons of great things in here, you just need a fresh perspective.” I tugged the outfit out of her grasp and shooed her over to a chair. When I opened her closet door, I knew exactly what her problem was. She had everything already matched … a lot of her outfits had purses hanging from them to go the extra-matching-mile. I grimaced. She had nice stuff and I always knew she was a little bit of a perfectionist, but her closet was over the top. It screamed to be torn apart and everything jammed back in at random. Jen had issues with being random and spontaneous. She liked order, but sometimes chaos is exactly what the doctor ordered. I jerked out several outfits from the closet and unmatched them before tossing leftovers onto the bed.

“Wait. What are you doing? Those are already complete outfits.” Jen snatched a blouse out of the air before it hit the bed. I ignored her. “Why are you mismatching everything?” Jen waved the shirt at me. I put a hand on my hip to scowl over at her.

“Jennifer Collins, you need to live a little and the first step is to understand that wearing flowered panties under a striped dress is perfectly acceptable. Freeing, even.” I tossed a striped dress into the try on pile and tried to keep from smiling as Jen bounced back and forth on the balls of her feet to keep from snatching her clothes out of my hand and reorganizing them all.

When she stood in front of the mirror after several outfits had been tried on and discarded, she scrunched up her nose and I sighed. She looked amazing.

“It’s going to kill me to say this … but, I love it!” She let out a squee and hugged me tightly. She turned around to admire herself in the mirror. She wore a pink, jean skirt paired with a flowing, floral, cap-sleeved top. Over that she had on a cream colored corduroy vest. All three pieces were from different outfits in her closet, but the different textured pieces together looked trendy and yet still Jen. I glanced down at my watch. It was an hour before the guys would be picking us up. Time for me to get ready.

My outfit took a lot less time. My favorite blue jeans, an embroidered, cream colored boho blouse and my brown boots and I was ready for some country dancing and good, old fashioned, country food.

e arrived at the Peterson barn along with several other truckloads of people ready and raring for a good time. Matt helped me out of the truck and Hunter helped Jen out. The guys looked great. Matt wore jeans and boots that would make any country girl beg to cool her boots under his bed. Jen’s face had been priceless when she caught a glimpse of Hunter when he came to pick us up. He’d dressed in black jeans, a little baggier than what was “in” for a country boy, a black, Johnny Cash, Man in Black tee that was plenty tight enough to highlight ripped abs and very muscular arms. They also showed of a tattoo of a rose on his bicep that was squeezed by thorns until red drops of blood fell from it. The initials A.C. and H. W. were on either side of the rose.

We could hear the strains of country music filtering out from the huge barn, and from the sound of it, the place was going to be packed. People were still driving up too. My stomach dropped a little, I wasn’t too sure how much I wanted to run in some of the people I’d gone to school with.

“Tell me again why we can’t have a little taste of this?” Matt pulled at the lid of the casserole dish he was carrying and I smacked his hand lightly.

“Because I plan on winning a blue ribbon for that triple berry crumble and I doubt the judges would look too kindly on large spoonsful being missing from it. Matt groaned again making me laugh.

“Beth, put the poor guy out of his misery,” Jen chided. I rolled my eyes and placed my arm through Matt’s.

“I may or may not have put a second berry crumble away to share later with everyone.” Matt’s eyes glinted dangerously.

“Elizabeth Michaels, you might have just earned yourself a smack on the behind.”

“Promises, promises,” I murmured.

“Oh, gag. Get a room, guys.” Jen stuck a finger in her mouth and Hunter grumbled his agreement.

“But it’s so much more fun when you do it outdoors,” I quipped. I slapped a hand over my mouth just as Hunter broke out in a fit of bellowing laughs. Jen just stood there with her mouth hanging open, glancing between me and a beet red Matt, who was trying his very best to become one with the surrounding darkness. Jen gulped.

“Well, then, I’ll have to remember that,” Jen tossed over her shoulder as she began walking toward the barn again. Hunter’s laughter cut off as instantly as it had begun. His eyes darkened as he watched Jen saunter away. We caught up with Jen just outside the barn doors. People were pouring in and out and it seemed like the entire town had turned out for the shindig. I swallowed back the sliver of fear that had snaked its way into my chest and followed everyone inside.

Rock my World had my foot tapping before we ever made it over to the long table that ran down the length of a wall on the far side of the barn. I saw at least two dozen pies, cakes and other baked items sitting out on the table. I placed mine on it and received my number from an elderly woman who was about a foot shorter than me. When she spoke, though, she seemed about a foot taller than anyone else in the room. I was pretty sure she had been an army general in another life. Jen drug me away from the table so I wouldn’t evil eye all the competition.

Matt laced his fingers through mine and pulled me across the room when he spotted Pastor and Mrs. Wright talking and laughing with a large group. As we passed by a group of young women, I noticed several of them turned my way, a couple to openly stare to see who the new girl was, I assumed. But, one young woman with short, blond hair, big blue eyes, and a perfect body stopped to stare at me with contempt and hate in her eyes. I blinked in astonishment. What had I done to her? I wracked my brain trying to think of who she might be, but came up empty handed. When we reached the Wrights all thoughts of the girl flew out of my head.

“Beth, I’d love for you to meet a couple people.”

“Mrs. Wright, it’s good to see you again,” I answered. Mrs. Wright smiled widely at me and took my hand in hers.

“Please call me Anne, I don’t want to feel any older than I already do,” she reprimanded. I smiled and nodded my head. “Marge, Tilly, this is Matt’s girlfriend, Beth.” I blushed furiously, feeling like a fifth grader being introduced as Matt’s girlfriend. But it was true, wasn’t it? Things just seemed to be progressing so quickly that they sometimes took my breath away. Pastor Wright took his wife’s hand and tucked it under his arm.

“Anne, you’re monopolizing your son’s beautiful date.” My mouth fell open to deny it, but he cut me off with a wink. “Besides, I want to take my beautiful date out on the floor for a dance. Ladies, please excuse us.” The women all tittered and sighed as he led his starry eyed wife onto the dance floor just as one of the most beautiful songs ever written began to play.

“Will you dance with me, sweetheart?” Matt’s whisper stirred the hairs around my ear, his breath tickling the fine hairs at the nape of my neck. I nodded as Matt took my hand to lead me onto the dance floor. The words of the song swept over me, the words finally meaning so much more to me than just being nice lyrics sung by a pretty voice.

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word, you can light up the dark

Try as I may, I could never explain

What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me

The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall

You say it best when you say nothing at all

Both of Matt’s hands rested on my lower back and mine were wound around his neck. I put my head on his shoulder and just enjoyed the song and the warmth of his body. When the song ended, he kissed me sweetly on the lips and a flame ignited in the depths of my stomach. I threaded my hand through his hair and tugged gently.

“I could dance like this all night,” I whispered huskily. The song changed abruptly and a crowd of people rushed the floor to get ready for a line dance. Matt turned as if to leave, but I pulled him back to me. His eyes widened and then he chuckled.

“Good lord, woman. You’re gonna make me line dance, aren’t you?” He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced around for an escape.

“You bet your hot little behind I am.” I swatted his backside for extra encouragement and everyone around us chuckled at his affronted look.

“Looks like you got your hands full with that one, Matt!” Someone shouted from the crowd. I grinned in their general direction.

“As long as it’s my hands that are around her, I ain’t got a problem with that!” Matt shouted back. Everyone guffawed just as the music began. I had to hand it to Matt, he was good at doing the boot scootin’ boogie. We heel, toed, and dosey doed with the best of ‘em. Our boots were stomping, our hearts pumping, and we laughed the entire time. I pointedly ignored all the women oogling my man. He was mine after all. By the time we’d finished the dance, I was hot, sweaty, and ready for some food.

Once we piled our plates with barbeque, corn on the cob, potato salad and homemade macaroni and cheese, we made our way outside in the cool night air to see if we could find a picnic table to sit at to eat. I started searching for Jen and Hunter as soon as we made it through the crowded barn. I spotted Jen waving from a picnic table under a large tree. When we got to the table, I immediately noticed the tension crackling between Jen and Hunter. Hunter was hunched over his plate, shoveling food into his mouth, his body rigid and angled away from Jen. Jen was picking at her food, her jaw clenched and her eyes frosted with enough ice to freeze a man in his steps. We sat in awkward silence for the majority of our dinner. I cleared my throat and widened my eyes as I nodded my head in Hunter’s direction, hoping Matt could draw them into conversation.

“This barbeque is fantastic.” Matt glanced around nervously and then took another bite of his food. I groaned inwardly. Hunter grunted and Jen just kept staring at her plate.

“The ice tea is pretty refreshing too,” I added, sarcastically as I wiggled uncomfortably in my chair. Jen sighed and then stood, gathering her plate as she got up. I jumped up to go with her to throw away our trash. I put a hand on Matt’s shoulder. “I’ll meet up with you a bit later.” He nodded.

“Jen?” I caught up with her just as she threw her trash forcibly into a can. “Hey, you okay?” I asked.

“I’m fine,” she snapped. I blinked and then threw my garbage in the can. Jen didn’t usually get this angry over anything. Must be bad.

“Awe, I’m sorry, Beth,” Jen groaned. “It’s just … Hunter makes me crazy sometimes.” She threw her arms up in the air and I just stood there for several seconds trying to absorb the fact that Jen was ranting and raving over … a guy. “He’s an overbearing, egotistical, jackass. Half the time I want to strangle him with my bare hands and the other half I want to ….” Her mouth formed a thin line and heat rushed to her cheeks.

“The other half you want to what?” I asked, my grin breaking through and messing up my concerned look. Jen poked my arm.

“You know what I mean. Ugh.” I smiled as I hooked my arm through hers.

“I do know what you mean.” I pulled her along through the front doors. “Should we go out there and show Hunter what he’s missing?” She glanced over at the hopping dance floor and an evil little grin appeared on her face. My own smile slipped just a little.

“You just read my mind,” she said softly. Jen didn’t hold back, she pulled out all her dance tricks and there wasn’t a guy who was single in the whole building who hadn’t either danced with her or had asked her to dance in the next hour. She let the music carry away all her fears and worries just for an entire sixty minutes. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair a little wild about her shoulders by the time a slow song came on and a shadow fell over us both. Jens stiffened without even looking behind us. I turned to see who it was and was a little surprised to see Hunter hovering close to us like a large, demon thundercloud. He looked ready to explode and I immediately put myself between him and Jen. His eyes narrowed dangerously as he spoke.

“I think it’s my turn now,” he snarled. My hackles rose and I stood up to my full height, which was an inch taller than Jen, but still a few inches shorter than Hunter.

“It’s okay, Beth. I’ll dance with him.” Jen moved around me and her eyes flashed as she spoke. Hunter extended his hand and she hesitantly placed hers in his. I heard a tiny gasp as her pulled her gently into his arms. I only waited another second before leaving the dance floor, Hunter wasn’t dangerous … he was just intense. I wasn’t sure if intense was what Jen needed right then though. I headed over to the refreshment table to grab an ice tea.

With my tea in hand, I began searching the crowd for Matt. When I didn’t see him, I decided to go to the restroom real quick before Jen and Hunter were done dancing. The judges were about to announce the winners of the baking contest, so I needed to hurry it up. Amazingly enough, the bathrooms were relatively empty, so I was in and out fairly quickly. I was walking back to the main room in the barn when I heard someone say my name. I stopped in my tracks and leaned my head to the side, thinking maybe I’d just heard incorrectly.

“She graduated the year Beau Montgomery did. He said she was a liar who’d slept with almost anyone she could when she was in high school. Said she left town so her parents couldn’t keep her from whoring around as much as she wanted.” I stepped back until my back was against the wall. My heart was pounding and I think I was more in shock over the fact that people still gossiped about me like I was in high school than what they were actually saying. Must have boring lives, I thought.

“I don’t really care who Beth Michaels is. All I know is she isn’t good enough for Matthew. He deserves someone so much better than her.” People began muttering their agreement and a knot formed in my stomach. “I mean, what will people think if he goes and marries her? How will it look when he eventually takes over his daddy’s ministry?” A cold sweat popped out on my brow. Matt planned to take over for his dad one day? Why hadn’t he told me? I bit my lip. I knew the answer, I just wished I didn’t. He didn’t tell me, because he knew I’d have freaked out, maybe even not seen him anymore. I wasn’t the right kind of person to be a minister’s wife. I wasn’t even sure I believed in a god at all. My ears were ringing when the truth of my situation hit me. I was going to drag Matt down. He was so strong, so sure of everything he believed, and he deserved someone who was his equal in all things, including faith. I clasped a hand over my chest, trying to shield it from the shooting pain.

“You guys were perfect together. I couldn’t believe it when you guys broke your engagement off.” I slapped a hand over my mouth before my gasp could escape. I knew without seeing the people around the corner that the girl who had been engaged to Matt was the pretty blonde who looked daggers at me when I first got to the dance, and Matt had been engaged to her. I took a deep breath and willed away the stupid tears that threatened. I wonder when he would have told me that he had been engaged. Definitely not last night when he’d told me I was only woman he’d ever wanted to sleep under a starry night sky with.

I turned and slowly made my way around to the front of the barn from a different direction. When I made it back inside, they were announcing the winners of the baking contest, but I could barely hear what was being said through all the thoughts rushing like an angry river through my mind. I ended up winning a second place ribbon and had to be called four times before I snapped out of my daze by someone tapping me on the shoulder. I smiled and accepted the ribbon graciously. Jen clapped entirely too loudly and Hunter and Matt whistled loudly with their fingers. First place went to a lady I knew from when I was younger. She was ancient back then, but there was no doubt that her better-than-sex cake was the moistest cake I’d ever eaten in my entire life. And if an eighty year old lady didn’t blink at the name of her cake, well, I had to respect that.

“Congrats, Beth!” Jen hugged me around my neck. Her mood seemed to have improved a bunch. “I’m so glad you didn’t decide to thrown down with Widow Carson over that first place ribbon,” Jen joked. I smiled and handed her my ribbon.

“I have a headache. Can you take me home?” I asked Matt. I could barely look him in the eye. Jen and Hunter exchanged a look.

“Sure, if that’s what you want,” Matt said carefully.

“It is.” I glanced over at Jen and hoped I hadn’t ruined any of her plans. “Are you ready? I don’t want to ruin the night for anyone.” Jen shook her head quickly. “No, it’s alright. I’m ready to go, especially if you’re not feeling well.” I nodded my head lightly. I wasn’t lying, my head had begun to pound as soon as I’d left the group I’d heard talking after I went to the bathroom. The pain just hadn’t caught up with me until that moment.

Matt put a hand on my arm as we walked out of the barn. “You okay?” he asked. I shrugged his hand off gently and nodded again. I couldn’t let him touch me, not as raw as my wounds were, as confused as I felt. I needed him too much already--wanted him too much. Matt stuffed his hand into his pocket and looked at the road in front of us with a frown between his brows as we walked to the truck in the darkness and silence.

When we pulled up to the house, Matt leaned over to me, I turned my face slightly and let his kiss fall softly on my cheek. I pushed the door open and waited for Jen to get out before making my way up the sidewalk to the house. Jen unlocked the door and flipped on the inside and porch light. I took a step just as Matt called out to me.

“Beth?” I stiffened and shut the door in front of me before I turned around to face him. He stood a foot in front of me and it took an insane amount of control to raise my head and meet his gaze. His eyes said everything I thought they would. He looked confused, hurt, angry, but above all, worried about me. I sighed and leaned back against the door.

“We can talk later about everything. I do have a horrible headache and Jen and I have somewhere really important to be tomorrow. But, after that, we will talk, I promise,” I said wearily. Matt’s jaw clenched and his eyes flashed.

“Don’t run. Don’t give up on us. Not before we talk whatever this is through.” I turned my head away. His fingers grasped my chin firmly in his hand and tiled my head back until my eyes met his once again. “Promise me,” he breathed. I tried to move my head, but he had my chin prisoner and wouldn’t relent. “Promise me, Beth.” His eyes flashed again. I swallowed and nervously licked my lips. His mouth met mine long enough to press a tender kiss against them. It was almost my undoing. It was only by a thread that I held myself immobile and didn’t launch myself into his arms.

“I promise.”

I whispered the lie easily enough against his lips before turning and walking into the house, leaving my heart on the other side of the door with him.

ou think of all these wonderful things to say, rehearse them even, when you or someone you know is about to go through something difficult. You want to say all the right things, be the person who has some tidbit of inspirational wisdom, but instead the words lodge in your throat and your fears threaten to choke you. As I sat in the waiting room with Jen, I felt all this and so much more. I needed to be strong for her, to be the one who wouldn’t crack under the pressure and shatter beneath the pain and panic. I didn’t feel strong though, I felt dread down to my very existence and the only thing that kept me together was knowing I was the only one there for her, the only one she had to lean on, and by god, I wouldn’t let her down.

I remembered going to these visits once or twice with Jen and her mom when she would go in to see if her cancer was still in check, to make sure it hadn’t gotten any worse. She got good news almost every time she went, but the one time she didn’t, it was devastating. With Jen it was different. She was the one person in the world who had loved me unconditionally since I was a child, the one person I cared about more than anything. She was going to go in, get the biopsy, and in a few days we’d get the good news. That was the only way this would turn out. The only way god could allow it to turn out.

“Jennifer Collins?” A lady in light pink scrubs came out with a clip board in her hand. Jen stood and wiped her hand on her jeans. I stood as well, my heart tripling its already frantic rhythm. Jen’s hand slipped into mine as we stepped forward. “Only family can come back,” the nurse said. Jen’s hand tightened in mine and she straightened her shoulders.

“She’s my sister.”

I waited for the nurse to call us on our little fib, but she just smiled softly, her eyes alight with understanding and pity. She bobbed her head.

“Alright then, follow me.” Jen and I followed her back, both of us wishing we could run back out the front doors instead.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” I whispered over and over again to myself.

Jen was up stairs resting when I heard a soft knock on the front door. I turned the water off, put the glass I was watching in the dish drainer, and dried my hands off on the hand towel hanging from the loop on my jeans before going to answer it. When I pulled the white lace curtains back from the glass door, I found Matt standing at the door with his hands in his pockets, staring at his feet. I let the curtains fall shut and rested my forehead on the wooden door frame before my nerves were settled enough to open it.

“Hey,” I murmured as I stepped out onto the porch. Matt’s eyes met mine.

“Hey yourself,” he replied.

“Want to sit out here and talk?” I asked. Matt nodded. I walked over to the old fashioned porch swing and sat down, tucking my leg underneath me. Matt sat down next to me.

“How’s Jen?” Matt asked gently. My brows shot up and my eyes widened.

“How did you find out?”

“My dad had some business in Jasper and happened to see you guys leaving Jen’s car in front of the clinic.” He shrugged apologetically. Figures. There’s never such a thing as privacy when you live in a backwater town like Salem. I should have never forgotten that.

“She’s sleeping right now. More emotionally drained than anything else,” I answered. “She doesn’t want anyone knowing.” I said quickly. Matt placed a hand on my knee.

“I wouldn’t tell anyone, I just wanted to check on her … and on you,” he said gently. I stiffened under his touch and his nostrils flared slightly. He took his hand off my leg and rubbed it roughly over his face. Matt sighed wearily and leaned back in the swing.

“What’s this?” he asked, his hand waving between the two of us. “What’s going on with you? What happened last night to make you freak out?”

“I’m not freaking out … I just realized a few things,” I answered without meeting his eyes.

“Like what?” His eyes pierced me to my seat and I resisted the urge to wiggle uncomfortably under the scrutiny.

“How much we really don’t know about each other for one. How different our upbringings were and what that could mean for our future for another.” I twisted the edge of the towel in my lap as I spoke.

“What would you like to know, Beth?” His voice gritted out the words. “Whatever you want to know, just ask. I don’t have any secrets. Just don’t shut me out.” His eyes captured mine and they begged me not to act rashly, to give our relationship a true chance. But the truth was simple … I was scared.

“Were you engaged before?” I asked. Matt’s eyes never wavered from mine, but his mouth tightened into a straight line and his jaw clenched.

“Who told you about LeighAnn?” he asked. LeighAnn. So, the ex-fiancé had a name and didn’t it just suit her perky little demeanor perfectly.

“Who told me really isn’t the point, is it?” I asked with a huff. Matt ran his hand through his hair, causing it to stand up even more wildly than had been before. I almost smiled at the sight.

“No, I guess it isn’t,” Matt replied. “I was engaged to LeighAnn for almost a year before I called the engagement off.” His voice was low and steady, but I knew I’d hit a sore spot. He didn’t like to talk about her. “We got engaged right out of high school. I was young and stupid and it took me a year to figure out how wrong we were together.”

“What made you wrong for each other?” I probed. I really felt like I needed to know. Matt’s eyes glanced over at a bird that had landed on a birdfeeder a few feet away from the porch as he spoke.

“Nothing,” he murmured. I blinked several times, wondering if he’d misspoken. He smiled wryly and glanced over at me out of the side of his eye. “Weren’t expecting that answer, were you?” he chuckled and then turned his eyes back to the birdfeeder before continuing. “Everything seemed perfect. She liked the things I liked, she had the same friends I did, she went to the same church I went to, had the same faith I did, and had the same goals in life that I did.” My face grew hot and my heart had begun to ache half way through his speech. I focused on the birdfeeder too, gritting my teeth so hard I thought they might crack under the pressure. I had asked after all. Matt chuckled under his breath again.

“It took me a long time to see through all those … things.” I watched the muscle in his jaw as he spoke. “To see past the stuff we had in common and to finally notice all of what we were missing.” He sighed deeply.

“What were you missing?” I asked, half afraid to hear the answer.

“Passion. A deep, abiding kind of love, the ability to talk about any little thing as if it were the most important thing on earth, or even to sit with each other in absolute silence and yet in absolute communion.” His face turned toward me and his gaze captured mine. “Sharing interests and faith isn’t the most important thing to me, Beth. But, a sharing of souls, like you and I do? That’s something I’ve never had before and I’ll do everything in my ability to strengthen that bond.” His hand clasped mine and he rubbed his thumb gently back and forth over my knuckles. “I just hope you feel the same way.” He place a kiss on the edge of my mouth and my eyes fluttered closed. His scent enveloped me and I melted into his embrace, allowing him to kiss away all the fears, if but for a moment. Matt pulled back, his eyes glazed with passion and love. I smiled softly and sighed as I laid my head on his shoulder as we leaned back into the swing.

“We come from such different places in life, Matt. If you met my parents, you’d understand.” I closed my eyes. “I just don’t know if I can be the woman you need and the woman you deserve in your life,” I whispered.

“I don’t need you to be anyone other than the amazing woman you are,” he said roughly into my hair. Until you take over your dad’s church, I thought crossly.

“So, let’s do it.” My eyes cracked open. What? What had I missed? What were we doing? I leaned back and met Matt’s evil twin grin.

“Um, do what now?” I asked carefully.

“Meet your parents,” he answered joyfully. I nearly catapulted off the swing.

“Why would we do that?” I shrieked like a cat, who’s tail had just been stepped on. Matt only grinned broader.

“I think it will help you see that you can’t scare me away, not even with your insane father, who I’d like to give a good, old-fashioned, beating to for hurting you for so many years.” I swallowed and sat back down gingerly on the swing. “Besides, would you like to go to see them for the first time in over four years alone, or with a little backup?” I chewed on my bottom lip, thinking over his crazy proposition. If he did go, I wouldn’t be alone and just maybe I’d be able to get through the visit without murdering one of my parents. And on top of that, he’d get to see firsthand where the woman he was in a relationship came from, so if he wanted to bail, it would definitely be after said visit.

“Alright,” I groused.

“Really?” Matt asked with disbelief coloring his voice.

“Yeah. Tomorrow night,” I grumbled. “Rip the band aide off and get it over with type of thing.” Matt’s chest rumbled as he laughed.

“It’ll be okay. I’ll be there with you, sweetheart.” He pulled me back into his arms and we both sat there watching the birds fight over the bird seeds for another hour before he kissed me goodbye.

“Oh, wait! I can’t leave Jen by herself tomorrow night. Maybe we should put this off a few days,” I said, trying not to sound too hopeful. Matt clucked his tongue and smiled over his shoulder as he walked down the pathway.

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry, and stop trying to come up with ways to get out of it.” I crossed my arms over my chest watched as Matt grinned wickedly before getting into his truck. I went inside to let Jen know that I’d lost my ever lovin’ mind.

She only laughed.

’ll get it,” Jen shouted from the living room as the doorbell rang out. I sprinted to get there first, but she was swinging the door open before I could make it. I grimaced. I hadn’t been able to prepare her for what I thought Matt have had up his sleeve. “What are you doing here?” Jen asked a little caustically.

“Well, hello to you too sunshine,” Hunter snapped as he walked through the front door. “Nice pajama bottoms.” He grinned and raised a brow at her sugar daddy pajama shorts and red tank top. Jen crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Hunter and Matt. Matt shrugged and gave me an apologetic smile.

“What’s going on?” Jen asked, her ponytail bouncing while her foot tapped. Hunter held out the box he’d carried in and then his trademark not-a-care-in-the-world smirk showed up.

“I’m hanging out with you tonight.” He sat the box down on the table near the couch.

“Who said I wanted you here?” Jen asked with a too-sweet smile.

“Oh, I know you want me … here … there … everywhere.” Hunter teased. Jen’s face heated and her mouth hung open with an astonished look slapped across her face.

“That’s not …” Jen sputtered. Matt cut off his laugh with a cough. Very smart man.

“Anyway, I’ve already ordered pizza, so you don’t have a choice. I’m starved.” Hunter pulled popcorn out of the box and waved it around. “I even have popcorn.” He pulled some more stuff out of his goody box. “Twizzlers? Check. Rootbeers? Check. Movies? Check.” He glanced up from his box and looked Jen up and down. “Don’t tell me you’ve got better things to do.” Jen huffed.

“What movies did you bring?” she snapped.

“I’ve got Batman Begins, Beetlejuice, Braveheart, and … Footloose.” I was grinning ear to ear, surely his mom had suggested Footloose. For the first time he looked just a tiny bit uncertain as Jen stood there and stared him down. She final sighed deeply and took the rootbeers from him.

“Alright. I’ll put the drinks in the freezer. You can get the show started.”

“So, which one first? Footloose?” The look on Hunter’s face was priceless, he definitely was not a Kevin Bacon dance-a-thon fan. Jen made a sound of dismissal in the back of her throat.

“Please. As if I’d choose that movie over a half-dressed, Scottish-accented Mel Gibson.” Jen’s pony tail swung as she spun on her heel and left to go to the kitchen. Hunter just stood there in awe.

“You might wanna …” I wiped at the corner of my own mouth. “You got a little something on the corner of your mouth.” I pointed and Hunter gave me the look of death as he snapped out of his trance and went to get the movie ready. Matt came over and took my hand in his.

“You ready for this?” I gazed up into his eyes and nodded my head. Inside I was a mess though.

“Jen, we’re leaving!” I shouted out.

“Okay, be careful and good luck!” she hollered back.

“See ya later, Hunter. Have a good time, but not too good a time.” Hunter snorted. When Matt helped me into the truck, I was so very close to running back inside and refusing to ever come out again. I’d been dreading this day since the day I’d left over four years ago. My mom was so shocked that I said I would be coming over that she didn’t have a proper reaction to the fact that I said I was bringing a guy with me. This couldn’t end well.

The drive was a lot shorter than I remembered and hoped it would be. We pulled onto the gravel road that led to the house and I had to keep telling myself that this had to be done, that I could never really be free if I didn’t face my past, if Matt didn’t see exactly what he was getting into.

The house was smaller than I remembered. The tiny porch and screen door were exactly the same, the house looked like it might have had a fresh coat of paint at some point in the last four years, but other than that, nothing was different. Same small, wooden framed farm house without a welcome-matt, without any flowers to take away the sterility of the yard, and without any real feelings except dread blossoming in my heart.

Matt came around to open the door for me. I got out and wiped my clammy hands on the long jean skirt I’d worn. I straightened my short sleeve plaid shirt and ran a hand nervously over my hair. Matt took my hand in his and kissed it.

“It’s going to be fine. I’m here,” he murmured the words against my forehead as he placed a chaste kiss there. I tried to summon a smile in reply, but I’m afraid it just didn’t happen. I tightened my grip on my Matt’s hand and took a step forward. Let’s get this over with, I thought.

We walked up the creaky stairs and stepped up onto the porch. Just as I stepped in front of the front door, it was jerked open. My mother pushed the screen door out and it screeched just as I remembered it doing for so many years. The sound caused the hairs on my arm to raise. Eyes the same color as my own met mine.

“Well, you’ve grown,” my mother said softly. “I see you’ve let your hair go wild.” I ran a hand over my hair. She was right. I’d worn so many braids as a child. As a teen I had to have my hair up or pinned back so it wouldn’t serve as a temptation of vanity for myself or as a temptation of lust for the opposite sex. When I left, I let it grow out and rarely wore it up unless I did it in a sexy updo when I was going out for the evening. Even though I’d worn my jean skirt out of respect for my parents, to keep the peace, so to speak, I didn’t wear my hair up. I didn’t want to them thinking they held that much control over me.

“Well, come in Elizabeth, your father is inside and it’s almost time for dinner.” Matt and I followed my mother into my childhood home. The living room was as dimly lit as it always had been and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. The room looked as if I could have been gone only four days, instead of four years. It was the exact same. An old fashioned brown upholstered sofa sat against the wall and two chairs covered in the identical fabric sat across from it. In between them was a large, oak wood coffee table which housed an enormous open Bible, which probably weighed at least twenty pounds. Nothing hung on the walls, except a few photos hanging over the sofa. One picture was of my mother’s parents on their wedding day, one was of my father’s parents, and one was of our family standing in front of our home when I was very small. My father stepped out of the hallway just as my mom disappeared into the kitchen.

“Elizabeth. It’s been a long time,” he spoke sharply.

“Yes it has.” I answered in clipped tones. “Dad, this is Matthew Wright.” Matt stepped forward and held his hand out.

“Please call me Matt.” My dad’s eyes glinted, their hazel shrewdness sizing him up and finding him wanting in a single glance.

“Matthew.” My dad grabbed Matt’s hand and shook it. “You’re the Pastor’s son of that new age church just outside of Salem, ain’t you?” Matt nodded.

“New Hope Community Church. And, yes I am.” Matt stepped back and clasped my hand in his. I swallowed and waited. My dad’s jaw clenched and his hand tightened into a fist. I must have flinched because Matt tightened his grip on my hand just a little. My father refocused his gaze on me and took a step forward. Matt’s entire body became rigid, his posture straightening and going on alert.

“You’ve completely tainted yourself with the world, girl.” My father said in disgust. My cheeks burned and my head bowed before I could stop myself. All those years of belittling and shame were not as easily forgotten as I thought. With Matt’s hand in mine I found strength though. I raised my chin and viewed my father from an outsider’s point of view. He’d never been kind, never had an encouraging word to say, only tore me down, shamed me, and made my life a living hell. I didn’t need his approval, I didn’t need to be afraid of him any longer either.

“I am how god made me,” I said softly.

“God didn’t make you no whore, girl.” My dad spat. Matt’s breath hissed in through his teeth and his eyes narrowed dangerously.

“Don’t speak to her like that. She’s no whore and I’ll not have any man saying she is. I don’t care who you are.” The muscle in Matt’s jaw jumped as he ground his teeth together. My dad took another step forward, standing toe to toe with Matt. Matt towered over him by a couple inches.

“Dinner is ready.” My mother spoke from the doorway. My father stared at Matt for another few moments before finally stepping back and walking toward the dining room. I breathed out a relieved breath and took Matt by the hand to go to the dinner table. Just get through dinner, just get through dinner, I repeated over and over like a mantra. Of course, that was asking just a little too much.

After the chicken, potatoes, salad, and rolls were passed around, my father prayed over the food. The differences between his prayer and that of Pastor Wright’s were as comparable as night and day. I could feel the anger and disgust flowing off of Matt in waves. I placed a hand on his thigh under the table, waiting for my dad to finish his prayer time sermon. When he finally finished, I smiled sadly over at Matt and picked up my fork to try and get the visit over as quickly as possible.

“Well, what have you been doing for the past four years, Elizabeth?” My mother asked as she put butter on her roll. I wiped my mouth and took a sip of water, trying to formulate a reply that wouldn’t cause any more strife than necessary.

“I’ve done a lot of traveling,” I said quietly.

“Where did you go?”

“Well, I’ve been to Texas, Florida, the Carolinas, and several other states,” I answered with a shrug. My mom’s eyes slipped over to my father’s. He had a frown in the middle of his forehead as he ate his food.

“How did you pay your traveling expenses?” she asked as she took a small bite of her roll.

“I used some of the money granddad gave me for my eighteenth birthday, but mostly I found odd jobs wherever I happened to be. Waitressing for tips mostly.” I shrugged and took another bite of my chicken and potatoes.

“And you, Matthew? What do you do?” My mother asked conversationally.

“I help my father run his farm through the week,” Matt answered carefully.

“And do you have brother and sisters? What do they do?”

“I have two brothers. Daniel is in the army, on leave right now. Hunter is helping on the farm while he’s finishing up his degree.” I stared at Matt, I hadn’t known Hunter was getting a degree. I wondered what he was studying.

“And you own several businesses, don’t you?” My dad chimed in, his voice like a whip. Matt stared at my dad, his eyes narrowing into dangerous glints of ice. Matt owned businesses? My head was spinning.

“Yes I do,” he answered through gritted teeth.

“You and your family own a lot more land than any one family should be allowed to. It’s sinful,” my dad hissed. My stomach dropped. I wiped my mouth off on my napkin and glanced over at my mother. Her head was bowed to her plate, her eyes devoid of any emotion. I wanted to shake her, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good.

“Maybe we should leave, Matt,” I whispered.

“You own one of the largest movie theatre chains in the state of Missouri. How much money do you have sitting in your bank?” my dad asked as he took a sip of his water.

“Dad!” I hissed.

“No, that’s alright, Beth.” Matt sat his napkin on the table and faced him unflinchingly. “I’m very wealthy. I’m not ashamed of it. I’ve worked for every dollar I’ve ever made. I run a good business.”

“You’re prideful and money is the root of all evil. Guess your daddy didn’t teach you to read the Bible when you were growing up. You should ask Elizabeth for a few verses, I’m sure she’s still got them all memorized. I made sure of that. Every time she sins, every time she plaits her hair in the mirror, paints her face like a harlot, every time she allows you to defile her body, she has a voice in the back of her mind telling her how wicked she is and a verse etched into her memory to remind her exactly where she is headed because of that wickedness.” My dad cut into his chicken and took a bite of potatoes like we’d just discussed the weather. Matt’s eyes were wide, his body rigid. I stared down at my plate, but my appetite was gone.

“I’d like to leave now,” I whispered. Matt nodded and stood up from the table. He glanced over at my mother. Her face was blank, but her eyes shone just a little with unshed tears. He nodded his head in her direction.

“Ma’am.”

She nodded once in return and then returned her eyes to her plate. “Come on, Beth.” I stood up on shaky legs and put my hand in Matt’s and let him lead me out of the dining room. When I got to the living room and had my hand on the door knob I heard my dad’s voice from directly behind us. Matt put a hand behind my neck and squeezed lightly.

“Elizabeth, I brought you up better than this,” he said with a growl.

I turned around and faced the man I’d had to call father even though he’d never treated me any better than a stray dog that had been thrust upon him to try his sainthood. He stepped closer to me and I thought for just a split second that he was going to be gentle, say something to make me think he had been the way he was because somewhere deep inside he truly did love me, no matter how messed up his ways of showing it.

“He’s there for you now when you allowing him between your legs, but will he be there if he puts a bastard in you? Or will he move on to another whore?” My dad jeered. A crack echoed through the room and mingled with my mother’s gasp. It wasn’t until I felt the burning in my palm that I realized I’d struck my own father. His face was a mix of shock and rage. His hand swung back and Matt was suddenly there, grabbing him by the arm.

“You won’t ever hit her again. Try it and I’ll make sure you regret it for the rest of your life.” Matt growled as he shoved my father back a step. “Let’s go, Beth. Now.” I walked out the door in a daze, barely remembering the drive back into town or back to the house. Then, Matt was talking over me, Jen asking a bunch of questions, and Hunter grumbling something about that no good piece of sh—. It wasn’t until Matt was tucking me into bed that I let everything really sink in and allowed the pain, humiliation, and anger to surface. I wept. I hadn’t wept when I left to go out on my own, barely eighteen and fresh out of high school, I hadn’t wept when my parents never called me except to berate me for something, but I wept then. I wept until I had no tears left to shed … and then I slept.

offee. Must have coffee,” I grumbled as I dropped into the chair and plopped my head down on the table in front of me. Jen pulled a mug out of the cabinet and filled it up and then pushed the sugar bowl and almond flavored creamer over to me. I mumbled my thanks before shoveling in an unhealthy amount of both into my cup.

“I’m sorry, Beth.” I took a sip and groaned in ecstasy. I pulled my knees up to my chest and glanced over at my best friend.

“What are you sorry about exactly?” I asked once my head wasn’t quite so fuzzy.

“I should never have pushed you to go see your parents, I just thought after all this time …” She waved a hand helplessly in the air in front of her. I swallowed another mouthful of liquid heaven and shook my head.

“Don’t. It’s not your fault. You were right. I did need to go back there for a lot of different reasons.” I grimaced when I suddenly remembered that I hadn’t really spoken to Matt since he’d brought me home from my parent’s house the night before. No telling what he was thinking right about then. I wouldn’t have been surprised to find out he left town and washed his hands of the crazy girl with the crazy ass family. “I didn’t think my dad would say such horrible things with Matt there though,” I muttered. I might have even held out a teensy bit of hope that he would have been impressed with Matt since he was a pastor’s son. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“I’ve got something I want to give you,” Jen said gently. I raised my head from my depressing thoughts and met her gaze. She had her Jen’s up to something grin in place and I was immediately intrigued. She didn’t have that grin very often. She sat her empty cup in the sink and motioned for me to follow her. “C’mon.” I sat my cup beside hers in the sink and followed her up to her room. I plopped down on the corner of her bed.

“Is it a puppy?” I guessed. Jen snorted. “A new pair of boots?” I asked with a dreamy sigh. Jen made a sound of loathing. She wasn’t too keen on my love of cowboy boots. She pulled a small box out of her bottom drawer and came over to sit on the bed next to me. She ran her hand over the box gently, her eyes met mine and I could see the happiness shining there behind them. “I kept this for a very long time. I would have given it to you before, but the time wasn’t right.” She smiled a tiny, secretive smile. “The time is right now, though,” she said quietly.

I gasped and smacked a hand over my mouth when I heard the sound of a dozen or more tiny charms tinkling against each other. It wasn’t the same bracelet as the one Jen had given when we were children, but it was a more expensive, adult version of it. Strung on a beautiful blue silk cord was a dozen tiny sterling silver stars, tiny, iridescent, Swarovski crystal beads, a sterling heart, guitar, shooting star, and even a sterling silver cowboy boot. Another addition was a sterling silver ribbon in remembrance of Jen’s mom. A tear escaped and trickled down my cheek as Jen handed me the bracelet.

“I told you that one day we’d both be able to reach for our dreams. Sometimes that means we have to let go of the people who would trample our souls so we can soar.” Jen smiled sadly as she ran a finger over the ribbon charm. “And sometimes that means living in the moment and loving without restraint … no matter how much time we may have together.” I grabbed Jen around her neck and pulled her to me for a hug. No matter what I believed, one thing I knew for sure was that Jen had been a gift from God and I would never find another friend like her.

“Thank you,” I whispered fiercely. Jen hugged me back tighter and for the first time in my life I wasn’t sure if I had been talking to her or if it had been a tiny prayer. Jen cleared her throat and stood up.

“Now, let’s get dressed. The guys will be here soon. We’re barbequing at the river.” I jumped up from the bed and my mouth hung open in surprise.

“What?” I asked, unsure if I’d heard her right. Jen grinned and then shrugged.

“It was Matt’s idea, so don’t give me that look, Elizabeth Michaels.” She walked over to her drawer and pulled out a swimsuit. “Besides, you’ll get a chance to show off that gorgeous tan of yours.” She sighed wistfully. I smiled and picked up her suit and twirled it around.

“Only if you let me borrow a suit,” I said slyly. Jen groaned and then shrugged.

“Whatever. They all look better on you than me anyway.” I opened up her bathing suit drawer … no joke, she probably owned a dozen or more of them. I was like a kid in a candy shop picking one out. I ended up choosing a pretty turquoise and black tankini. Jen chose a gorgeous, ruched red polka dot one-piece. We threw on jean shorts and flip flops, grabbed our beach bags and sunglasses and were ready to go in record time. By the time we packed up a cooler of drinks and snacks, the doorbell was ringing.

I sat on my beach towel at the edge of the river rubbing tanning oil into my skin, ready to soak up the sun and dry off from the swim we’d just had. Jen was making the picnic area we’d set up look “just right”. I rolled my eyes behind my sunglasses, she couldn’t help it, she thrived on her perfectionism and I loved her for it. We were just waiting for the guys to get done with the burgers and hotdogs. The sound of the river flowing at my feet was so relaxing and would have been extremely peaceful, except for a small family who’d also decided to take advantage of the beautiful Saturday outdoors. The dad was sitting and cleaning some fish with a huge cast on his propped up leg. I didn’t mind the little girl’s shrieks as her brother chased her up and down the river bank with a huge lizard, though. I’d always wanted a brother or sister. That is, until it dawned on me one day that I wishing for another child to endure what I had to. I’d been super lucky that Jen had friended me at school. A sister of my own and she would never have to live with my parents. When I was a child and then a teen, I was so thankful for the perfection of our relationship.

“Time for some grub!” Hunter bellowed, interrupting my trip down memory lane. I dipped my hands in the river and then dried them off on my towel. Our river neighbor’s little boy skipped up to me and held out a grubby hand, offering me a fistful of weeds with one or two squished wild flowers mixed in there. No more than six, with a headful of red hair, and freckles sprinkled across the bridge of his nose. The boy looked like mischief incarnate. I smiled and took the offering.

“For me?” I asked. He nodded his head and puffed his chest out. I hid a grin and made a show of smelling the “flowers”. “They are just beautiful, you sure do know how to win a girl’s heart.” He grinned hugely, revealing two missing front teeth.

“You’ll marry me now? Dad says mom married him ‘cause he brought her flowers and candy.” He furrowed his brow in thought. “I don’t have any candy … but I can getcha a frog.”

“I do like a frog as much as the next girl, but you might want to save it,” I said sadly. I knelt down and mock-whispered. “You see that guy over there?” Matt was watching our interaction with a small smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye.

“The one with big muscles and red swim trunks?” He asked. I nodded and sighed.

“That guy is my boyfriend. I don’t think he’d like it if I married you while I’m his girlfriend.” I said. The little boy narrowed his eyes and then shrugged.

“I guess not. But I bet I could catch a lot more frogs than him.” I smiled and ruffled his hair.

“I bet you could too, but let’s not tell him that, ‘kay?” The boy nodded and turned to run off, his proposal all but forgotten in his haste to run back to his camp site where his mom was promising marshmallows. I sat my flowers and weeds on the table and grabbed a paper plate, trying to ignore Matt’s laughing eyes as I put some potato salad on my plate.

“Pretty flowers,” he chuckled. I raised a brow and tried to keep a straight face.

“I’ll have you know that was my first ever proposal,” I said haughtily. Matt’s eyes shone as he smiled.

“Should I be worried?” he asked, his voice as serious as possible. I took a bit out of a carrot stick as I piled some fresh veggie on my plate.

“Well, he did question your manly, frog catching abilities,” I answered. Matt let out a bark of laughter.

“Did he now? I might have to defend my champion frog catching title, then.” I began laughing as I added a burger to my plate.

“Don’t let Matt fool you, he was afraid of frogs when he was little,” Hunter muttered around a mouthful of food. I grinned up into Matt’s beet red face.

“Champion frog catcher, huh?” I asked sweetly. He shrugged and sat down in the folding chair next to me.

“Well, champion in the sense that I finally got over my fear after my brothers decided to dump a bucketful of them in my bed one night when I was sleeping. I’d say catching over fifty frogs in my bedroom warrants some kind of title,” he grumbled. Matt eyed his brother dangerously as Hunter laughed.

“What was Hunter afraid of as a child?” Jen piped in.

“Nothing. Nothing as a child, but as a teen ….” Matt’s mouth clamped shut and he glanced down at his plate.

“Water,” Hunter whispered. “I was afraid of water for several years.” He said. Jen was staring at Hunter, clearly wanting to know how someone could be afraid of water, not as a child, but as a teen.

We all finished our food in relative quiet, enjoying each other’s company and the perfection of the day.

“So, I’m stuffed,” I said as I patted my stomach. “How about we go and find some perfect marshmallow roasting sticks?” I asked Jen. She smiled up at me and nodded her head.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Hunter’s very private,” Jen mentioned a few minutes later when we were well away from the picnic spot.

“I think so. Pretty intense too.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed that.” Jen picked up a stick and pulled off the stray leaves. She held it up for inspection. “He doesn’t open up. I’d love to know whose initials are next to his on his tattoo,” Jen sighed. “But, it’s not like we’re dating or anything really, so I don’t ask.”

“You’re not?” I asked with a smirk. Jen swatted me with a stick.

“No, we’re not,” she answered softly. “Not really. What about you and Matt? How are things between you guys?” Jen asked.

“Things are just perfect,” I muttered. Jen came around and acted like she was trying to find the hidden truth in my face. I laughed and swatted her hand away.

“But?” Jen prompted.

“But I wonder when something will happen that will finally be just the right thing to push Matt away,” I said with a shrug. “He’s perfect. He has been amazingly understanding with me, hasn’t even brought up the craziness he witnessed at my parent’s house last night.” I shrugged again.

“So, what’s the problem exactly?” Jen asked sarcastically.

“I’m just waiting for him to realize I’m not worth all the trouble, ya know?”

“You are such an idiot,” Jen snapped. My head swung up and I stared at her with my mouth hanging open in surprise. She had her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. “That boy is head over heels in love with you. You could eat small kittens for breakfast and he’d still think you walked on water.” She harrumphed. “And if anyone deserves a love like that, it’s you,” she added softly.

“I love you Jennifer Collins,” I said after a moment. She snorted.

“I know. It’s hard not to,” she said, loftily. I laughed and held up another stick for Jen’s approval. She took it and stripped away the leaves and nodded, pleased with its supposed roasting abilities. “That’s four. Let’s go roast some marshmallows.”

We cleared the wooded area several feet from where my towel still sat on the edge of the river bank. I waved over to Matt near the picnic area. He smiled and waved back. I turned around as I caught something red bobbing in my peripheral vision. The little red headed boy was hovering partially out over the river, his foot resting precariously on a rock as he reached for a small frog on another rock a little ways out in the river. Before I could blink, before a sound could escape my lips, or my feet could move, I watched as the boy teetered and then fell with a splash into the river.

he scream of the little boy’s mom jerked me out of the shock I stood there in like nothing else could. Jen and I both ran to the edge of the river, but Matt was already only a step behind us.

“Oh, God. Billy!” The boy’s dad bellowed as he hopped on his one good leg to get over to where his son had fallen in. Just then Billy’s head bobbed up several feet away from the riverbank. He gasped in, greedy for breath just before a current caught him and he was drug under, further away from the shore, and down the river. Matt began running down the river and I was on his heels, my breathing coming in harsh pants, and the sound of the rushing river invading my head until all I could hear was water and my own breathing, like I was in a hollow cavern. We came up parallel to where Billy was being pulled down the river and just as I dared to blink I saw Matt launch himself into the river. I stopped at the edge where he had jumped and stood there with my heart pounding so loud it even eclipsed the sound of the river from my ears. I kept feeling like an outside spectator, like it wasn’t really happening, like at any moment I’d blink out of the crazy daydream.

Hunter grabbed my arm and pulled me further down the river. I saw Matt from the corner of my eye, making sure strides towards a little red bobbing head. He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay and save the little boy. Everything would be okay, I repeated as I ran, heedless of the branches and bushes that slapped at my arms and legs as I ran along the riverbank. I heard a small cry for help from the river and breathed just a little bit easier knowing the boy was still okay just then. When Matt made it to Billy, he grabbed him and hoisted him on his back. The boy clasped himself around Matt’s neck like a little monkey. It was clear really soon, though, that Matt was tiring out from carrying the boy’s weight and fighting the current. He made it to the halfway point of the shore when he could barely keep his own head above the water. Up ahead of Matt and Billy I saw a huge log lodged into the river and sticking up.

“Matt!” I screamed. Matt’s eyes met mine and I pointed to the branch and screamed for him to get to it. He pulled out all the energy he had left and swam until he was able to snag onto the branch. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

Hunter threw himself into the river and swam out to the huge log. Billy climbed off of Matt’s back and onto Hunter’s and they were both on their way back to shore after a short swim. Hunter heaved Billy onto the shore and into the arms of his hysterical mother. Hunter was breathing heavily, he wasn’t as good as a swimmer as Matt was, but he was good enough to help Matt back to shore. I glanced out at Matt draped across the log, my heart still racing and my breathing still ragged. Matt raised a hand to let me know he was okay when, just like slow motion, a smaller log that was floating quickly down river hit the log Matt was holding onto and flipped out of the water and struck him on his temple. A scream resounded all around me and it took me a moment to realize it had come from me.

“No!” Hunter screamed as he dove into the water. Matt’s body was lodged between the two logs, but his body was face down and his head was under water. He wasn’t moving.

I dove in behind Hunter and swam with every ounce of strength I had in me. Hunter had Matt under one arm and was struggling to drag him to the riverbank when I made it to them. I took his other side and grabbed him under his other arm and pushed my legs like I’d never pushed them before, dragging Matt as we went. When we got to the bank, Billy’s dad, mom, and Jen helped pull Matt’s limp body out of the water. Hunter pulled himself out and then helped me out. I pushed him away as soon as my knees hit earth. I shoved everyone out of the way until I was kneeling next to Matt. I cried out when I saw his ashen face and the bleeding gash on his temple.

“No, no, no.” He wasn’t breathing and I couldn’t find his pulse. I tilted his head back and started CPR. I pumped his chest, 1-2-3-4, breathed into his mouth, 1-2-3-4, over and over again until my arms were shaking from the force of my thrusts. “No, you’re going to be okay, you hear me, Matthew Wright?” Pump, pump, pump. “You are going to open your eyes, you hear me, damn you?” I cried out and wiped my tears out of my eyes quickly and then tilted his chin back again and breathed into his mouth. “You. Will. Fight. For. Me.” Pump, pump, pump. How long had it been? Minutes? It felt like an eternity and I knew it had been way too long. I heard Jen crying softly behind me, but I refused to give up. “Come on, baby. Open your eyes.” I breathed air into him again, willing my life force into him, I’d gladly have given him my soul if he’d just breathe again. After several more tries, Hunter’s hand landed on my shoulder but I shrugged it off harshly.

Pump, pump, pump. “You will breath. You will do this for me!” I screamed. “I will not lose you, Matthew! Not when I didn’t get to tell you how much I love you.” I sobbed as I thrust my palms down onto his chest. “Fight, Dammit!” I thrust once again, with all my might, and water suddenly gushed out of his mouth. Someone nearby gasped as I rolled him onto his side. He expelled more river water from his body and then drew in a loud, rasping breath of air. I pushed the hair from his face and rubbed his back. Thank God, I whispered. Thank God.

Billy’s mom and dad followed us when we took Matt to the hospital. By the time we left and they had told Matt for the hundredth time how much they appreciated him and could never begin to repay him for what he’d done, little Billy was already doing dare devil stunts in the parking lot. I marveled at how resilient children were, how Billy had already put the entire debacle behind him and moved onto to more important little boy things. I. on the other hand, had had my whole world shook up. I had been within a few seconds of losing Matthew and that made me realize just how much I needed him, how much I wanted him, and how much I’d be willing to give up for him. The entire event had shaken my very being.

Matt received eight stitches for the gash on his temple and a bottle of pain pills for the nasty headache he had as a result of his lost fight with the log. Matt’s mom was not near as hysterical as I thought she’d be when we showed up at her house with a stitched up, drug-hazed Matthew and our bedraggled group. Hunter pulled her aside to tell her what had happened as I helped Matt get into his bed. Matt was out the moment his head hit the pillow.

“Sleep well, babe, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I whispered into his ear as he snored. I left the room quietly once I was sure his breathing was regular. I pulled the door shut quietly behind me. Hunter, Jen, Pastor and Mrs. Wright were all standing in the hall when I emerged. I ran a hand through my tangled hair and grimaced.

“The doctor said to wake him every few hours to check on him since he’s had a head injury,” I said softly. I held the pill bottle they’d given me out with a shaking hand for him out for his mom. Her eyes were wide as she looked at me, holding back tears. The floodgates opened and I felt myself sway as the enormity of what I’d gone through, of what had almost happened finally clawed its way up from the back of my consciousness. In a split second I was wrapped into Mrs. Wright’s arms and I was unable to hold back the tears any longer.

“Oh, my sweet child. What did we do to deserve someone as wonderful as you in our lives?” She held me and rocked me as I cried for everything I hadn’t realized I’d had and everything I’d almost lost that day.

was finishing off a bowl of apple jacks when Jen walked into the kitchen the next morning. She was all dressed for church in a pale blue floral dress and white cardigan. She sat her purse and Bible down on the kitchen table and grabbed a fruit bowl from the fridge.

“Maybe I should stay home with you today,” she said. She looked torn, but I knew she went to church every Sunday, I knew Matt did too, and I didn’t want to be the person to hold any of my friends back from being true to their own faith, their own selves.

“No you shouldn’t,” I answered sternly. “I am a grown woman and I don’t need you here.” She opened her mouth to argue but I cut her off. “I won’t allow it, Jen. I’m fine and I’m so very glad Matt wasn’t hurt worse yesterday. I think I’m going to go and do some thinking alone today anyway. I need to think.” Jen searched my face and sighed.

“I’ll be home right after and then we can talk.” I nodded at her and reached over to squeeze her arm as I went to wash my bowl. I stood at the sink and gazed out over Jen’s backyard. It was a beautiful Sunday morning and I knew just where I needed to be that morning.

After Jen left half an hour later, I dressed quickly and hopped into my old truck and made my way out to the river where we’d been the day before. I was surprised that I didn’t feel any anxiousness as I walked over to our picnic area and then to the spot where I’d been when the little boy, Billy, had fallen into the water.

I kicked off my flip flops, pulled the hem of my sundress up to my knees, and sat down on the grassy embankment where I had been sunbathing the day before. I let my feet dip into the cool water, leaned back on my hands, and let my head fall back until the sun shone down directly on my face. I breathed in as I closed my eyes. The water rushing by at my feet, the birds singing their tunes in the trees, and the scent of nature on the light summer breeze calmed me like nothing else could. Out here I felt more in my element, more spiritual and at peace than I did anywhere else. I cleared my throat and sat up. I ran my fingers along the water, loving the coolness against my skin.

“I’m going to feel like such an idiot for doing this,” I muttered beneath by breath. I glanced around nervously before laughing at myself for being such a goon. “So I’m just going to throw this out there,” I said softly as I watched the water rushing by. “I’m not here to make peace. I’m not here because I really believe in anything in particular.” I snorted. “I really have no idea what I’m doing or what I believe. I just felt like this was something I needed to do.” I shrugged and continued on. “It’s just that yesterday when I thought that Matt was going to ….”

I stopped and took a deep breath as those moments replayed themselves with eerie clarity in my mind. “When I thought he was going to die, some things became very clear to me. First of all that I have been focusing all my hate into one thing, and that was God and religion. I realize now that I don’t hate you. It’s not your fault my dad is a twisted idiot who uses religion as an excuse to terrorize and manipulate. For me to lump all Christians and all religions into one heap because of my experiences isn’t fair. It isn’t fair for me to judge a whole group of people just because of one man. But more importantly, it isn’t fair for me to allow this cloud of impending doom to hang over the relationship I have with Matt because he believes in you. It’s okay with me that he believes in you. I know that Matt isn’t my father and what makes him amazing isn’t the fact that he believes any certain thing or that he lives any certain way. What make him so amazing is who he is deep within his soul. And my soul recognizes his on a level I don’t even fully understand, and I don’t want to screw up what I have with him because of my fears and prejudices.” I watched as a bird swooped up onto a branch close by and eyed me suspiciously. I grinned, poor bird probably thought I’d gone a bit loopy.

“Anyway, I’m not saying you’ll see me in church or buying a Bible any time in the near future or … well, ever. But, I’m willing to lay aside my differences and keep an open mind if it means I can be more at peace with Matt’s spirituality,” I whispered. A voice didn’t ring from the heavens, lighting didn’t strike me down, and I didn’t start an apocalypse, so I figured I’d take that as a good sign. I kicked my feet in the water and sat there listening to nature’s melodies with my heart feeling just a little lighter. A long while later, I slipped my flip flops back on and climbed into my beat up pick up and made my way slowly back home with my window down and the wind whipping through my hair.

When I pulled up to the house, the sun was already starting to set. I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten and Matt’s truck was sitting in front of the house. I jumped out of my truck and hurried to the house. I swung the door open and found Jen, Matt, and Hunter all standing in the living room. Matt was still dressed in black slacks, black boots, and a white button up shirt from church that morning. His sleeves were rolled back and a few buttons were undone at his collar. He rushed over to me and grabbed me by both arms.

“What’s going on? What’s happened?” I asked, my eyes searching the stressed faces around me. Hunter groaned.

“I told you, Matt. I told you she wouldn’t just leave without saying anything.” Jen sat down tiredly on the sofa. I met Matt’s gaze and frowned.

“You thought I’d skipped town?” I asked. Matt’s eyes were wide, his mouth in a thin line. He’d been worried I’d just up and left him … even after the day before. I put a hand on his cheek and sighed deeply. I pushed the hair away from the stitched gash on his temple. His hands still held me in a tight grip. “I’d never do that to you, babe,” I murmured softly. A vibration went through him as he relaxed. He pulled me roughly to him and kissed the top of my head.

“I’ve never been so afraid of losing someone,” he grumbled. I looked up into his worried gaze.

“You’ll never have to worry about me getting scared off again,” I said from my heart. The truth of it echoed in my words. “How could I leave behind something I love so much?” I whispered. He sucked in a breath, his eyes wide in wonder. His smile warmed me straight through and his lips showed me exactly how much hearing those words meant to him. When we pulled apart, Jen and Hunter were looking anywhere but at us. I blushed.

“I can’t believe you thought I’d leave town before we heard about ….” I flung a hand towards Jen and her eyes widened and she shook her head in a quick, jerky movement. I clamped my mouth shut. Hunter narrowed his eyes and glance between Matt, me, and Jen, his narrowing into dangerous slits.

“Before you heard about what?” he asked in a low, dangerous tone.

“Nothing,” Jen said quickly. “It’s not important.” Matt cleared his throat and shuffled uncomfortably. He didn’t like to keep things from his brother.

“How about a cold coke?” I asked the room.

“Sounds good, I’ll go with you to get them,” Matt answered. As I left the room I mouthed I’m sorry to Jen from behind Hunter’s back. She waved it off like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Tell me what’s going on Jennifer.” I heard Hunter growl as I walked to the back of the house. Awe crap, this wasn’t going to end well.

“Where did you go today then?” Matt asked as he pulled two cold cokes out of the fridge and popped the caps off on the edge of the counter. I leaned up against the counter and took one from him.

“I went back to the river,” I answered softly. Mat’s brow rose and he came over to stand in front of me.

“What made you do that?” he asked softly. I shrugged lightly and took a sip of my coke.

“I just needed to be alone and the river seemed like the perfect place to be. Had a little heart to heart while I was out there, too.” His eyes sparkled as he put his coke down and then placed both his hands on my hips. I sucked in a breath and put my coke down next to his.

“Did you now?” he murmured against my ear. I nodded as a shiver raced up my spine and heat pooled in my stomach. His hand skimmed up my arm and then hooked gently into my hair. He buried his nose into my hair, caressed my jaw line, and then the sensitive skin behind my ear. His teeth nibbled on my earlobe and the next thing I knew he had lifted me onto the counter and fitted himself between my legs.

“Tell me again why you wouldn’t leave me,” he whispered huskily against my neck. I groaned and smiled saucily at him through my lashes when I answered.

“Because I love you, Matthew Wright.” Matt growled and captured my lips with his and I melted into him. Matt pulled away reluctantly when we heard the front door slam. He kissed me once more on the lips before grabbing me and swinging be down from the counter top.

“I love you too, Elizabeth Michaels,” he whispered. “Now, I better go and get my hot headed little brother to calm down.” I nodded. I’d need to check on Jen too. We walked together back into the living room. Jen was still sitting on the couch, her eyes riveted on the carpet. “I’ll see you both later,” Matt muttered. He kissed me quickly before heading out the front door. I came around and sat next to Jen on the couch. She leaned over and put her head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Jen, it was a stupid thing to do.” Jen shook her head.

“It’s not your fault. I should have told him before, I just don’t want people to worry in case it’s nothing.” She cleared her throat. “And if it is something, I don’t want to be treated like I’m dying,” she said fiercely.

“You’re not dying, Jen,” I said gently. “You’ll see when we get the test results. You’ll see,” I repeated. Jen sighed sadly.

“I’ve been so tired lately,” she whispered so softly that I barely heard. “I thought it was just all the stress of the funeral and stuff, but, it’s getting worse, not better. When my mom ….” I made a sound of distress. “One of the first things she went through was extreme fatigue,” she breathed.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” I said gently. “It could be anything.”

“You’re right, and we’ll find out either way tomorrow, so there’s no need in worrying over it.” She exhaled.

“Exactly. So, let’s take this coke and turn it into an ice cream float,” I said, yanking her off the couch with me. Jen grumbled as I pulled her through the house.

“I swear I’m going to gain a hundred pounds with you living here.” I laughed and swatted her butt. She squealed.

“You could use a few more pounds anyway. Now, get the ice cream out and I’ll grab the glasses.

“Aye-aye, capt’n.” Jen saluted.

Ice cream was an effective distraction from all the worries that were plaguing us—a welcome one.

en and I kept busy all day, waiting for the phone call we both wanted and dreaded at the same time. We cleaned the house, even though it wasn’t really messy. A full out spring cleaning ensued as we pulled curtains down, emptied out closets, and reorganized the entire pantry. When Matt showed up at two o’clock that afternoon, we were both worn out. We were supposed to all meet at the house as a show of support and strength for Jen. Jen’s eyes searched behind Matt, but Hunter hadn’t come with him. Her eyes flashed with hurt before she could slip her unaffected mask back into place. Two hours later, Matt was probably wishing he’d stayed at work after Jen had him rearrange furniture in the living room and the guestroom.

“We should make some food,” Jen suggested.

“I could use some food right about now,” Matt grumbled. I smiled and went to wash my hands off in the sink. Jen pulled out the stuff to make some burgers.

“Should I make enough for Hunter?” She asked nonchalantly. Matt glanced over at me before quickly looking down at the floor.

“Matt?” Jen asked quietly.

“He’s gone,” Matt blurted. I blinked several times and saw Jen out of the corner of my eye place a hand on the counter for support.

“What do you mean he’s gone?” I asked in confusion. Matt rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, looking very uncomfortable.

“I mean … he’s gone. He packed a bag last night and left town for a while.” Jen’s face paled and I walked over to her to put a hand on her shoulder. I really hadn’t realized how much Hunter actually meant to her. What a friend I was turning out to be. “I’m sure he won’t be gone long,” Matt said reassuringly. Jen didn’t even look at him.

“Did he say when he’d be back?” She spoke softly. Matt’s jaw clenched and he shook his head no. “Well, then burgers for three,” she said matter-of-factly. I glanced over at Matt and raised a palm. What the heck? He only shrugged and looked as miserable and uncomprehending as I felt.

We enjoyed almost half our meal when the telephone rang. We froze in our seats, our food completely forgotten in our hands. Jen stood mechanically and walked over to the wall and stared at the phone as it rang several more times. I stood up and walked over to her and put a hand lightly on her shoulder. She took a deep breath and placed a shaking hand on the receiver before picking it up to answer.

“Hello?” she answered. “This is Jennifer Collins speaking.” I stood there with my heart beating a tattoo in my chest, listening to Jen make noncommittal sounds and answers into the phone for what seemed like an eternity, but could have only been moments. She placed the phone back in its cradle and then walked back over to her seat and sunk into it without looking at either of us. I walked over next to her and then glanced over at Matt to try and find out what I should do. He looked just as lost as I felt. Jen bowed her head and tears began running down her cheeks. She started crying in earnest, letting giant sobs wrack her body. Oh no.

I knelt down and began rubbing her back in small circles. My heart nearly broke in two, but I couldn’t be weak, Jen needed me more than ever at that point.

“I’m so sorry, Jen.” I gasped out, trying to hold back my own tears. “Don’t worry. We’ll get the best doctors, look into the best treatments, whatever it takes. I’ll be with you every step of the way.” Jen made a horrible sound in the back of her throat before she broke out in hiccupping cries. Then, I heard her laughter. Matt stood up from the table, clearly at a lost as what to do with a hysterical woman crying and laughing in the room. His forehead crinkled up and he ran a hand roughly through his hair. Jen began shaking her head back and forth. I didn’t know what to say, I was at a loss for words.

“I … I’m … fine,” Jen blubbered. My hand froze and I straightened up.

“What did you say?” I asked with a gasp. Jen smiled through her snot and tears and grabbed my hand tightly in hers.

“I don’t … have … cancer,” she hiccupped. She doesn’t have cancer, I thought with my mind reeling. Matt was grinning from ear-to-ear and Jen was alternating between laughs and sobs. My heart stood still for a second before her words truly sunk in. I whooped and threw myself at her. We held each other tightly, laughing and crying from our happiness. Jen pulled up the hem of the apron she wore and wiped her face off.

“The doctor wants me to come in for some blood work and tests because of the fatigue and such to rule out other serious things because of my family’s medical history, but cancer has been ruled out.” She blew her nose and smiled broadly through her runny mascara. I hugged her again before Matt helped me up off of my knees.

“We should celebrate,” I announced. Jen barked a laugh.

“Let me guess … will it have to do with ice cream?” Jen asked sarcastically. I stuck my tongue out at her and shrugged. Ice cream made everything better, everyone knew that. Matt cleared his throat. His face was both overjoyed and terrified at the same time. My forehead crinkled. What had I missed now?

“I was going to wait to do this, but since we all have so much to be thankful for and so much to celebrate about ….” He knelt down on one knee and Jen gasped out with an “oh my god” escaping her lips and her eyes bugging out of her head. My head felt fuzzy and I could swear my fingers went numb with shock. He pulled a ring out of his back pocket and held it up as he took my hand in his.

“Beth, I know we haven’t known each other long. I know things haven’t been perfect and I can’t promise you that they ever will be, but, what I can promise you is that I will love you until the day I die and even beyond that.” Tears spilled over my cheeks and my heart skipped a beat. “I never knew how incomplete my life was until you came strutting into it, bringing your sunshine along with you and shining it into my heart and banishing the emptiness that had been there before my soul danced with yours.” I smiled and placed a hand on his cheek. I’d never know what I did to deserve the man that was kneeling at my feet. “I guess I said all that to ask this simple question: Beth, will you marry me and make many, many little stubbornly beautiful baby Beths with me?” I laughed as I leaned down to place a soft kiss on his lips.

“I will,” I whispered against his cheek. Jen had begun crying again. Matt slipped a white gold ring on my finger and jumped up to scoop me up into his arms and twirl me around in circles. I laughed out loud and Jen joined in. Matt placed small kisses all over my face before stopping and sitting me back down on my feet. I pulled his head down to mine and kissed him with all the passion I could muster. My head was spinning and my body was tingling when a discreet cough reminded us we weren’t alone. Matt chuckled under his breath and pulled back gently.

Jen came over and surprised Matt by throwing her arms around him and giving him big hug. I smiled over her shoulder at him and he grinned in return as he hugged her back. When she turned around, her eyes were shining with tears and with pure joy.

“I’m so happy for you,” she said softly as she hugged me. “Just don’t make me wear any hideous bridesmaid dresses for your wedding.” She shuddered. I grinned and shook my head.

Leave it to Jen.

hat about this one?” Jen twirled around, wearing a light blue, strapless dress that hit her ankles and smiled over at me before gazing at herself in the mirror, a frown settling between her brows, and then making a sound of distress. We’d been doing the same thing for several hours. Trying on wedding and bridesmaid dresses and then discarding them because they just weren’t the right ones. We’d driven over an hour to get to a city large enough to have a couple dress shops we could even shop at.

“It’s pretty,” I said as I stared down at my cell phone. Jen threw her arms up as she went back into the changing room again. My cell phone vibrated and I glanced down at the newest text from Matt. Hunter was still in St. Louis, overlooking some business for Matt, but he was going to be back for the wedding in two weeks. I bit my lip and wondered if I should tell Jen. She never spoke of Hunter after the day he didn’t show up when we were all waiting to hear if she had cancer or not. I can’t say that blame her—it was a jerk thing to do. She’d been moody the last month though, slamming things around the house, or bursting into tears for no apparent reason. I blamed Hunter. She blamed her nerves from her mom’s passing, her wondering if she had cancer for several weeks, and even the phases of the moon. But, she never blamed Hunter. And that was exactly how I knew he was the reason … she was hurt.

I’m sure she knew he would be back for the wedding, even if he only stayed in town long enough for the ceremony and then left again. I just didn’t want him hurting Jen any more than he already had. She had gone through too much the past few months.

“I’m not sure about a dress with print on it,” Jen spoke through the changing room door.

“Come out and let me see, it can’t be any worse than what we’ve seen so far,” I answered back. The door cracked open and as soon as Jen stepped through the door with a huge grin on her face, I knew it was the perfect one for her and for the wedding. The cream colored dress looked more like a fancy summer dress than a bridesmaid dress, but that was exactly what I loved about it. The dress had a classic fifties feel to it, with a halter top and wide, flowing bottom that hit her just below the knees. It was a pretty antique white with a sheer overlay that had summery, blue flowers embroidered into it. It was perfect.

“Now we just have to find a dress for you,” Jen said as she admired the dress in the full length mirror.

“I’m just going to get married in my jeans and cowboy boots,” I grumbled. Jen narrowed her eyes at me in the mirror and put her hands on her hips.

“Don’t even kid about a thing like that,” she said, sternly. I grinned and waved a hand at her.

“I’m just kidding, let’s get that dress so we can start obsessing over shoes.” Jen smiled broadly as she took off for the changing room.

“Let’s go get something to eat. I’m starved,” she threw over her shoulder as she closed the door behind her. I didn’t mention the fact that we’d just had nachos and ice cream floats, I just smiled and marked the bridesmaid dress off of my to-do list.

As I sat there waiting for Jen to get changed, I thought over the past two months and shook my head. If anyone had told me three months ago that I’d be sitting in a shop and searching for my own wedding dress so I could marry a small town, preacher’s son in a matter of weeks, I’d have laughed in their face. I might have even called them a few choice words. But, here I was, marrying the only guy who’d ever made me feel complete, the only guy who had ever made me feel like my heart had been locked up until he’d come along with the key to set me free. Him being a preacher’s son was beside the point, I loved him with every fiber of my being, and I knew that on my journey to letting myself finally be free, I’d been lucky enough to find a soul mate in someone who would never hold me back, but rather, strengthen my individuality.

I knew people wouldn’t understand how we’d fallen in love so fast. I knew people talked about us getting married so quickly, but I didn’t care. Let them talk. I’d been on a longer journey than anyone would ever know to find love and happiness. I’d found all that and more in Matt, and I wouldn’t have changed a single thing about it. In two weeks I’d be Mrs. Elizabeth Wright and my real journey in life would begin, but this time I wouldn’t be alone.

This time I’d have someone by my side, someone to hold my hand and help me through all the wonderful and terrifying things my future held.

COMING EARLY 2014

Jen & Hunter’s story

t seems like every time I write these, I have more and more people to thank and I’m always afraid I’ll leave someone out. I am so very grateful for each and every person who has been so wonderful and supportive on my writing journey. I am blessed to have such an amazing group of friends, readers, bloggers, and authors that help me in so many different ways, that I couldn’t possibly name each and every one of them. A special thanks to Alexia Purdy, Tiffany Stevens, Jennifer Martinez, Cassie Chavez, Rachael Rivera, Tina Donnelly, Donna Dearing Harms, Najla Qamber, and Regina Wamba—you guys seriously rock my world. A special thanks to my hubby and kids, who have to deal with me when I’m pulling my hair out and in the middle of edits—you have my heart.

Peggy Martinez is a homeschooling mom of one boy and four girls.

She has been married to her soul mate, Omar, since January 2000. She enjoys reading, writing, soap making, all things aromatherapy, and Twizzlers–lots of Twizzlers. She dreams of one day owning a small homestead, raising some chickens along with her children, growing a large garden, and eventually taking a dream vacation to Greece. It isn't too far-fetched to think you could happen upon her and her husband having a conversation about religion, political conspiracies, a zombie apocalypse, or gangster movies.

For more information about Peggy Martinez or her books, visit:

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Other titles by Peggy Martinez

Contingency (Sage Hannigan Time Warper Book #1)

Relativity: A Sage Hannigan Time Warper Novel (Sage Hannigan Book #2)

Brevity (Sage Hannigan Novelette #2.2)

By Peggy Martinez

COMING LATE 2013!

THE DAY HAD been pure, unadulterated, torture. I’d slodged through my classes on the fifth day of school like a zombie, not even daring to breathe too deeply. I’d avoided crowds as much as possible, didn’t make eye contact with anyone, and prayed to the gods that no one would notice anything different about me. When the final bell rang, a bright ray of hope pierced my chest. I grabbed my backpack, already stuffed with the entire contents of my locker, and made a beeline towards the side exit of Crestview High.

I took in a deep breath of fresh air and my shoulders relaxed just a fraction for the first time all day. It was hot as hades outside, but that was nothing new for south Florida. I tucked a wayward strand of my long, ebony hair behind my ear and a small smile dared to appear at the corner of my mouth. I had done it! I had made it through the first week of school on the eve of my seventeenth birthday without anything happening. I could do this. I could be a regular teenage girl, date regular teenage guys, and just be. I couldn’t wait until I told mom how wrong she’d been.

I turned to look at my reflection in the glass door and frowned. Okay- so my hair had grown four inches overnight, and my boobs and hips had freakishly enlarged. I’d almost had a heart attack when I’d woken up that morning…I mean, mom had told me what to expect, but between the body enhancements, my eyes changing from a murky hazel to brilliant jade green, and my skin looking like it had been kissed by a thousand sun goddesses … well, it wasn’t that easy of an adjustment. The girl who looked back at me had the same small heart shaped nose ring, the same black as ink hair, and the same too-old-for-her-years intelligence sparkling in her eyes. But now she was more, and it was the more that terrified me.

I shifted my backpack up on my shoulder and adjusted my newly too-tight t-shirt before making my way across the side lawn of the school property. I rounded the side of the building and headed across the school property towards the sidewalk. I walked this way every day. Mostly to avoid people, but also so I could walk to the further city bus stop. My hand grazed the enormous trunk of an ancient oak tree as I made my way around it. Sometimes I’d sit under it to eat my lunch or during my free class period and read. I gazed up into the branches which stretched toward the sky in supplication and felt the same connectedness I always felt.

I’d just made it all the way around the old tree when in my peripheral vision I saw someone trip and fall on the sidewalk. My first mistake was to take a step towards the guy on the ground. My second mistake was not realizing that there were several people standing nearby him. And the cherry on top of my stupidity sundae was meeting the guy’s eyes when he turned his head in my direction.

I immediately realized my error and tried to turn my face, tried to close my eyes and shut out what was happening, but nothing could’ve stopped what had been set into motion. I was dimly aware of a few guys surrounding the teen on the ground, of their taunting laughter and their hate-filled name calling echoing somewhere in the distance. I tried to turn to see who it was, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the gaze of the young man that had enthralled me. Even when a kick landed on his stomach, the boy’s eyes remained locked on mine. A breeze began blowing gently and a green tinted fog of aura pulsed all around my body and on the ground at my feet. No one noticed the unusual phenomenon though, not even the kid staring at me. The taunts and laughter abruptly faded from my senses and the only people who existed just then were the kid on the ground and I.

I couldn’t hear the boy’s thoughts … but then again, I didn’t need to, not when his deepest desire was pounding on the inside of my skull like a jack hammer. I wanted to scream and plead for him not to do anything stupid. Not to wish for something he’d regret. For something I’d regret. But, the boy had been pushed way too far, way too many times. I just happened to be close by when he had finally had enough—and when he’d decided that the one thing he wished for more than anything in the world was for his tormentor to get what he deserved. I felt it the moment his desire became manifest, the moment his heart felt wish had come true. I felt it, because I’d granted it. Sometimes it sucked being djinni!

By the time I snapped out of my trance, the boy and his tormentors were long gone and I’d missed my bus. I absentmindedly rubbed a sore spot on my wrist and fished my cell phone out of the pocket of my jeans. My mom was going to freak out that I’d granted my first wish out in public and I had no idea what the consequences of that wish would be. Wishes and desires are funny things. Most people who make them only do so halfheartedly and never really believe they will come true. Those weren’t the type of wishes I had to worry about though.

The wishes that people put absolute faith and absolute passion into…those were the ones that could cause me a ton of trouble. The boy probably thought he knew what he wanted, and in that moment he probably even meant what he’d asked for…but I knew, just like all djinni knew, that a wish or desire rarely came to fruition without someone paying a heavy price for that wish.

My cell phone chimed.

Mom: Farin… r u ok?

Me: I guess so. I missed the bus.

Mom: I’m already on my way.

Me: Can we talk when you get here?

Mom: Sure. I’ll see you in a few.

Me: K

I sat down and leaned my head back on the trunk of the tree. I could almost reach out and touch the leftover wisps of power floating around the area. I tried not to think too hard about the boy and his wish- for his tormentor to get what he deserved. That could mean so many different things and could come in any form, at any time … and I knew I would obsess over the situation until it came to pass. And believe me, it always came to pass. Once a djinni grants a wish, it’s just a matter of time. The results of that wish weren’t going to be pleasant, and I was pretty sick to my stomach thinking about all the things that could happen because of me granting it. I sat forward and hugged my knees to my chest. What had I just done?

My mom pulled up to the curb in front of me and I got off of the ground slowly, feeling more ancient than I’d ever felt before, and unable to shake the feeling of dread that had settled into my heart. I threw my backpack in the back seat and climbed up front and bowed my head. I just couldn’t bear to look into my mom’s eyes and let her see all my fears and disappointments. She reached over and tilted my chin up so she could search my face. Her brown eyes were filled with concern and compassion.

“Oh, Farin.” She breathed softly. My tears began to flow freely and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Moms seem to have an unfortunate ability to push their children over the edge of acceptable public displays of emotion. She pulled me close to her chest and I inhaled the scent of her; clary sage, lemongrass, and patchouli. She smoothed my hair back and softly sung a hauntingly beautiful tune in Aramaic as she let me cry my soul out in her arms. When I had nothing left in me, I sat back in my seat and my mother pulled the car into traffic.

“I’m proud of you, Farin.” My head swung around and my mouth dropped open in shock. My mom chuckled softly. “No, really, I am. You are strong, beautiful, and I foresee you will be a very strong djinni one day. Just like your father.” She made a right turn and then glanced back over at me in the passenger seat. “You granted your very first wish today and your father’s entire clan felt its powerful vibration. Yes, I am very proud of you … but, I am also a little scared for you. Not many djinni come of age and grant a wish of that magnitude, a desire of that magnitude on their first try. Especially not someone who is only half djinni.” Her brow furrowed in thought.

“I didn’t mean to grant a wish at all.” I sniffled. I rubbed my wrist in thought. “I don’t really have a choice though, do I? That’s what djinni do- grant people’s wishes and deepest, darkest desires, no matter how horrible they might be.” I felt a sudden anger boil from within at the unfairness of being born djinni. My mother’s gentle hand on my knee calmed me.

“It is who you are. It is what you are. You will figure out soon that being djinni is not only about granting wishes. You have powers you are not yet ready to learn about, but after your birthday tomorrow, you will begin your training as an adult djinni.” She smiled at me, but my emotions were all over the place and I couldn’t summon a smile in reply. Her hand smoothed over my hair once again and she asked me the question she had asked me since I was old enough to talk. Answering them was a calming ritual and I immediately relaxed back into my seat.

“What are the three things a djinni never does, Farin?”

I closed my eyes and recited, “A djinni never tells anyone their true name, it is dangerous even to whisper into the night. A djinni never reveals to anyone what their token of power is, for if one should learn it, they would have power over them. A djinni must never, under any circumstances, pray to the Prince of the Underworld.” I kept my eyes closed during the remainder of our car ride and my mother hummed softly under her breath until we made it home.