No Regrets
Author: Kate L. Mary
Date: 2015-09-01 07:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Romance; Contemporary
Description: College is supposed to be fun. Go to parties. Pick up guys. Maybe get in a little trouble . . . On the surface Cami is your average, wild teenager out to have a good time, but inside she’s struggling. Almost a year ago her best friend was in a car accident, an accident Cami feels responsible for. Since then, she’s made it her personal mission to experience everything life has to offer, both for herself and for Julie, who will never have fun again. Then she meets Liam, her cousin’s sexy roommate. Hooking up with a hot British dude seems like the perfect way to start off the school year, but the
Publisher: Kensington

“You have your list and I have mine.”

Annie’s eyebrows shot up. “What’s on your list?”

“Liam.” I giggled just thinking about it.

“Cami.” Annie’s tone was disapproving.

I flashed her a smile and shrugged like it was no big deal. Which it wasn’t. I knew what I was getting into, but it seemed worth it. I mean, Liam was hot. “I know he’s not looking for a relationship and I’m cool with that. Just this once, Annie. I promise.” Then a few times after that . . .

Also by Kate L. Mary

The List

No Regrets

Kate L. Mary

LYRICAL SHINE
Kensington Publishing Corp.
www.kensingtonbooks.com

All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.

Table of Contents

“You have your list and I have mine.”
Also by
Title Page
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
Copyright Page

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A special thanks to my very enthusiastic beta readers, Diana Gardin and Collette Ricketts, who took time out of their lives to read No Regrets and encourage me when I wasn’t feeling so great about the story. To my British critique partner, Viki Biram, who was kind enough to read my story and make sure Liam sounded British enough: you are bloody awesome.

Thanks to the New Adult Collaborative support group on Facebook for listening to my rants and the silly issues I had that seemed so major at the time, as well as for giving advice when it was needed. Meredith Tate, Amanda Heger, Laura Steven, Annika Sharma, Jessica Ruddick, Marie Meyer and Ara Grigorian: so glad we found each other and we get to go through this whole process together!

Thank you to my editor, Alicia Condon, and my amazing agent, Stacey Donaghy, for the support and encouragement and hard work. Stacey, the message you sent when you finished reading No Regrets was exactly what I needed to hear. It’s always a good sign when your agent gushes about your book!

Finally, to my husband, thanks for the love and support and understanding. For all the help folding laundry and cleaning up the house and making dinner when I had too much editing and writing to do. We’re going to just keep moving forward and hope that one day I’m successful enough that you can be the trophy husband you want to be!

Prologue

Three years ago . . .

“I can’t believe your sister is married!” I gushed, flopping down on Julie’s bedroom floor. Her camera shook in my hands as I began flipping through the pictures, soaking in every elegant detail of the wedding.

Julie’s sister, Jamie, was only five years older than us, and at the ripe age of twenty she had already taken the plunge. Jamie and her high school boyfriend had been together since they were fourteen, and in my young mind it was the most romantic story I’d ever heard: marrying your high school sweetheart, getting a dingy apartment together while you struggled through college. I could actually picture them eating frozen dinners in the evening over candlelight so they could save money on electricity. They were totally broke, but didn’t care even a little bit as long as they had each other. It was like a movie or a really amazing romance novel that had a perfect happily-ever-after ending.

Julie sat down next to me and flicked her caramel-colored hair over her shoulder. “Jamie is so boring! I can’t imagine getting married that young. And to the only guy I’d ever dated!” She narrowed her eyes on my face and scowled at me. “You’d better be more interesting than that when we get older, or there’s no way we’ll still be friends. We need to live! Get drunk, go to parties, and date a lot of guys. Settling down before the age of thirty is for nerds. We are not nerds, Cami.”

I snorted. Sometimes Julie could be so dramatic. “I’ll always be fun, even if I do get married when I’m twenty.” I didn’t tear my eyes away from the picture of a smiling Jamie. Her wedding dress was so elegant and so beautiful. She looked like a princess.

Without warning, Julie snatched the camera out of my hand.

“Hey!” I tried to get it from her, but she held it behind her back like a school bully playing keep-away from the dorky kid with glasses.

“Look at me, Cami,” Julie said, grabbing my arm. “I’m serious.”

I sighed as I met Julie’s gaze. Her brown eyes were intense. As if deciding when I was going to get married or what parties I would crash when I was in college was a matter of life or death.

“I’m looking,” I snapped, and opened my eyes as wide as they would go.

Julie took a deep breath, then said, “Promise me you’ll be crazy and wild and impulsive and you won’t just sit back and let everything pass you by the way Jamie has. She’s never done anything, Cami. Ever. I want to make sure we’re different. I want to be sure we don’t have a single regret when we get old. Zero.”

“Fine.” I rolled my eyes so she’d know exactly how ridiculous this conversation was. “I promise to be crazy and not settle down until I’m at least a hundred years old.”

“And have no regrets,” Julie said in her most serious tone.

I conjured up the mocking voice I liked to use when my cousin Ryan and I had a disagreement. “And have no regrets.”

Julie’s serious expression morphed into a smile, and she let go of my arm. “Good.”

I snatched the camera out of her hand and went back to scrolling through the pictures, promptly forgetting the conversation. It wasn’t important. Plus, I had no real intention of letting Julie call the shots when it came to my love life. It’s not like a promise to your best friend when you’re fifteen is legally binding.

It can, however, be emotionally binding. I just didn’t know it at the time.

1

I was doing my best to maintain my pout in the backseat as Dad turned onto George Street. “Tell me again why I have to live in the dorms while Ryan gets an apartment downtown?”

We had two weeks left until school started, but my cousin Ryan had moved into his apartment the previous weekend. At the time I’d been too busy saying good-bye to all my high school friends to help him, but now that they were gone, I was dying to see the place. And I was dying from envy. The dorms were like a prison in comparison.

“You’re a freshman and Ryan isn’t.” Mama didn’t even bother looking back at me.

“Plus, he did all that work for me this summer to help pay for it. You went to the beach.” Dad’s eyes met mine in the rearview mirror and he grinned.

He acted amused by my pouting, which totally sucked. I used to be able to get my way just by sticking out my bottom lip. Of course, I was only four years old at the time, but still!

“You’re too spoiled, Cami.” Mama shook her head and made a little tsk-tsk sound. She acted like she was trying to figure out where she had gone wrong in raising me. Which was ridiculous. I was the perfect daughter. “We should have made you work for more things when you were little. You expect everything to be handed to you.”

Dad’s eyes met mine again and they twinkled in a way that made it tough for me to keep the frown on my face. “Ryan would never have asked us to pay for his apartment.”

“But you are!” I threw my arms up in mock exasperation even though we all knew it was mostly for show. I was thrilled to head off to college, even if I had to live in the ugly dorm.

“We’re paying for half.” Dad winked and, despite my best effort, my lips twitched. He knew just how to get to me. “It’s less than what we were paying for room and board, that’s for sure.”

Ugh. I rolled my eyes and relaxed into the seat. There was no arguing with him when he insisted on being so reasonable. Didn’t he know how unfair that was?

Dad slowed to a stop in front of the apartment, then backed into the only available spot on the side of the street. I craned my neck so I could look over my shoulder, watching his slow progress into the space. I hated parallel parking, but he did it with such ease. I didn’t have a clue how. He’d tried his best to teach me, but that lesson had resulted in me sideswiping a BMW, which then caused a huge spike in our insurance premiums. After that, he declared that I was not allowed to park anywhere downtown unless it was a parking garage, which was annoying. They always smelled like pee.

As soon as the car came to a complete stop, I threw the back door open and hopped out. The humid air made my skin sticky in less than two seconds. I hated the icky feeling of being sweaty, but I was used to it. I grew up in South Carolina, after all, right on the Ashley River. Humid summers, mosquitos, Spanish moss, and gators were just part of everyday life for me. Along with sweet tea, fried food, pralines, and beaches, which seemed to balance all the bad stuff out.

Mama went to the back of the car, and Dad followed. I was too busy eyeing the building to ask if they needed help carrying things. Inspecting it for flaws, really. It wasn’t new and it wasn’t old enough to have the charm most of downtown Charleston had. The building was made of plain orange brick. It looked like a regular apartment. Good.

“Camilla Jane,” Mama called. “Come back here and give us a hand.”

I harrumphed as I headed to the back, where my parents were busy unloading all the delicacies Mama had spent the last two days making for Ryan: casseroles to freeze and cookies by the dozens, plus a few sweet potato pies. Then there was the fried chicken she’d made right before we left home. When she handed me that dish, the bottom was still warm. I could smell the greasy goodness through the ceramic and foil, and it was enough to make my stomach rumble and bring me out of my dark mood.

I was more than ready to get upstairs so we could rip into it. There was some corn on the cob somewhere in the car too, and buttermilk biscuits. There weren’t many things in this world better than Mama’s buttermilk biscuits. But I needed to be careful. Didn’t want to put on my freshman fifteen the first week of school.

Mama and Dad crossed the street and I trailed behind them. They’d reached the building and hit the intercom button, and Ryan had buzzed them in before I even made it onto the sidewalk.

“Quit dragging your feet, Cami.” Mama’s mouth scrunched up and I almost laughed. I made the exact same face when I was annoyed.

We headed up the stairs together, and we had just reached his floor when I thought of the perfect argument as to why Ryan shouldn’t be allowed to have his own apartment.

“You know he isn’t just ditching me,” I said, arching one eyebrow at Mama as we walked down the hall. “He’s ditching Chris too. If Chris couldn’t afford an apartment, Ryan should have been considerate enough to wait until next year.” I flashed her a triumphant smile as we stopped outside the door. If my hands weren’t full of chicken, I would have patted myself on the back. Now I was the one with a good point. Chris and Ryan had been best friends forever, and Ryan was a total jerk for ditching him.

Mama rolled her eyes, obviously unaware of my total genius. “Because that’s what you would have done.”

My chest tightened and I stuck out my chin. “For my best friend? Yes.”

She has no clue what she’s talking about, does she, Julie?

Mama’s eyes shimmered a little as she turned away from me, and her lips tightened. She knocked on the door a little harder than necessary, and it suddenly felt like all the joy of the moment had been sucked away. Just a part of everyday life for me, but Mama was trying to move on. Something I didn’t know how to do.

Thankfully, we were saved from the oppressive hallway when Ryan ripped the door open a millisecond later. His smile was so bright, it almost blinded me. Just having him near helped ease the pain inside my chest. Ryan always had been my rock.

“Hey! Come in!” He opened the door wide enough for us to go through, kissing Mama on the cheek and slapping Dad on the back.

Mama gave him a look that oozed motherly love, and her eyes swept over him. She shook her head. “I brought food so you don’t starve. You’re practically skin and bones already! And you need a haircut!”

Ryan swiped his hand through his wavy, dirty blond hair. “I like it long.”

“Don’t listen to her, Ryan. She just has that empty nest thing going on,” Dad said, giving Mama a push so she’d move into the apartment.

I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, but she was nuts. Ryan was like a brother to me since we’d grown up together, but my friends didn’t have a problem drooling over him every chance they got.

Ryan chuckled as he turned to face me, and his gray eyes twinkled. “It’s about time you came to visit. Liam was beginning to think I’d made you up.”

He took the casserole dish I was holding, then wrapped me in a bear hug with his free arm. When he pulled back and smiled down at me, I could tell he was genuinely excited for me to see his new place.

Damn him and those adorable dimples. He made it impossible for me to stay annoyed about the apartment situation.

“I wanted to come before, but everyone was going away and there were parties to go to.”

“I see how I rate,” he said in mock-hurt, stepping back so I could go in.

“Don’t be dumb, dummy. I get to see you all the time now!” I elbowed him in the stomach on my way by. “I don’t get to see the girls again until Thanksgiving.”

The apartment was small and pretty much what I expected. He and Liam had furnished it with secondhand stuff, most of which they’d gotten off Craigslist. The couch was plaid and ugly, but clean-looking and not as worn as I’d expected. The tables were dinged up, but sturdy. The only thing they’d splurged on—other than the beer that Ryan had most certainly hidden before my parents arrived—was the massive TV. It almost looked like a movie screen in the tiny living room.

Ryan held the casserole dish up to his nose and took a big whiff, then headed for the kitchen, where Mama and Dad were already unpacking the food and filling the fridge. “Aunt Becky, is this fried chicken?”

“Of course. Now, what in the world do you have going on in this freezer, Ryan?” She pulled out a frozen bean burrito and wrinkled her nose. “This will kill you.”

“Like southern food is healthy,” Dad said with a chuckle.

Mama put her free hand on her hip and pointed the burrito at Dad. “Excuse me, but my homemade fried chicken has never killed anyone. The chemicals in this thing most definitely have!”

She went off on a tangent, listing the merits of home-cooked meals while Dad named every fried dish she’d ever served us. It made my stomach rumble and my mouth fill with saliva, so I tuned them out and headed to the back of the apartment. I wanted to check out Ryan’s room, anyway.

The first door I came to was slightly ajar. I recognized Ryan’s bedspread and pushed the door open the rest of the way. It was insanely neat, just like his room at home always was. I used to think he kept it that way to make my parents happy. Like he was afraid they’d leave him, too, if he didn’t do everything perfectly. Then I realized that was just Ryan. Mister straight and narrow, always do what’s right, don’t rock the boat and all that shit. It should have annoyed me, but it didn’t. I just couldn’t be mad at Ryan. There wasn’t a time I could remember when we’d had an argument that lasted more than a few hours. He was too nice. Too good.

Sometimes I hated his parents for leaving him the way they did.

“Snooping?” came a smooth British voice from behind me.

I spun around and the second my eyes met Liam’s, my heart beat faster.

Ryan had already told me Liam was from England, and for some reason I’d pictured him being tall and thin, and very pale with a face full of freckles. In my mind he sat around all day watching rugby while he drank tea from a delicate porcelain cup, toasting the queen every chance he got.

That didn’t even come close to describing the guy standing in front of me.

Liam’s blond hair had a messy look that I found incredibly sexy. As if someone had just run their fingers through it. Boy, did I wish it had been me! His smile was sweet, but naughty at the same time, and his bottom teeth were slightly crooked, just enough to give him a boyish and endearing appearance. He’d obviously been out in the sun a lot over the summer, because he had a small splash of freckles across his nose. But it was cute, and they didn’t make him look dorky or washed out, the way I’d imagined in my head. Then there were those eyes. Talk about blue. Like the deep sea or the late-night sky. Something you could get lost in if you stared long enough.

“You must be Cami,” he said when I didn’t speak.

“I am.” That was probably the fewest number of words I’d ever said since learning to talk. I swallowed and tried again. “And you’re Liam. I don’t know why we haven’t met before now. I’ve met most of Ryan’s other friends and he talks about you all the time. I mean, not in a creepy way. He just tells me funny stories about you guys going to bars and stuff. I think he does it to make me jealous, though. He knows I love to go out and have fun and party, and he’s just mean enough to rub it in. But not really. I mean, Ryan isn’t mean. He’s never done a mean thing in his life!” I was talking too fast to really keep track of the words coming out, but I was aware enough to know I probably sounded like a broken record. Why did I keep saying the word mean?

Liam’s lips twitched and his eyebrows shot up. I slammed my mouth shut because I knew I was babbling. Most of the time guys hated that about me. I did not want Liam to hate me. It’s just that I had a really tough time controlling the stuff that came out of my mouth.

“Nervous talker?” Liam’s eyes twinkled like I was the most amusing thing he’d ever seen.

I snorted, and even though I knew it was a really bad idea to let all the stuff swirling around in my head come out, there was no way I could keep my mouth shut after that comment. “No! You must have a pretty high opinion of yourself if you think your British accent and imitation sex hair can somehow make me all tongue-tied and awkward. I just talk a lot. Let’s face it, most people don’t have many interesting things to say, but I do. I have gobs and gobs of fascinating thoughts going through my head at any given moment, and I feel like it’s my duty to share them with the world.”

“Imitation sex hair?” Liam pressed his lips together like he was trying to hold back a chuckle, but it forced its way out. It was so adorable, I swear my knees wobbled.

I maintained as much composure as possible as I waved my hand toward his head, almost like I was trying to cast a spell. “Yeah. Isn’t that what you have going on there? I’m on to your little scheme. Guys like you have that sexy, messy hair for a reason. It’s specifically designed to make girls wonder how it came to be so messy, and wish they’d been the one to help you with it in the first place. Bam!” I clapped my hands in front of his face. “Next thing you know you’re in bed together.”

“Bam?” Liam smirked and leaned against the wall. “I don’t recall that sound effect ever gracing my bedroom.”

My cheeks flushed when my mind wandered to what went on in his bedroom and the sound effects that would most likely go along with it. Just like that, I was back to thinking about running my fingers through his blond hair. Damn him and his imitation sex hair!

“I don’t need to know about all that,” I said, trying to look bored and uninterested. My cheeks were hot, though, and I was pretty sure he could see right through me. “Whatever goes on behind your closed door is your business. I was just pointing out the obvious.”

“That I’m sexy?” His smile grew wider while he waited for me to respond.

“That’s not what I said.”

He shrugged and I did my best not to let his adorable smile hypnotize me. “It was implied.”

“I’m sure you’re used to American girls falling all over you, but I’m not so easily fooled. Strip away the accent and you’re just a guy with freckles who needs to get a tan. I mean, have you ever heard of the sun?”

Liam pushed himself off the wall and took a step closer until there were only a few inches of space between us. His blue eyes held mine, and the corner of his mouth lifted into a very sexy half-smile. If his charms had been lost on me before—which they hadn’t—they would have been screamingly obvious at that point. He leaned closer and my heart pounded. The air around us sizzled with sexual tension. He flicked the hair off my shoulder and my skin tingled when his fingertips brushed against my neck.

“I’m not so easily fooled.” His eyes trailed over my face to my lips, then back up to my eyes.

I swear, my thighs clenched together on their own. It was like he had some kind of magical sex powers to go along with that sex hair of his.

I smiled sweetly. “Wishful thinking?”

Liam didn’t respond. He just stood there staring at me for a few seconds as I waited for some witty comeback. I could tell he had one by the way his blue eyes sparkled.

“Were you done?” he finally said.

That wasn’t what I was expecting. “Yes?”

“Just checking. I know how you love to hear yourself talk.”

Oh, he had me pegged. “Probably just as much as you like staring at yourself in the mirror.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Because I’m conceited? Is that what you mean?”

“Of course. I didn’t think I was being subtle.”

“Not at all.” He cocked his head to the side and studied me for a few seconds. “So you just say whatever bloody comes into your mind then, is that it?”

“I don’t really see the point in holding back. Like I said, I have fascinating things to say.” I batted my eyelashes at him innocently.

“Who’s conceited now?”

I laughed and it hit me for the first time that I was smiling so much my cheeks actually ached. Not only that, but I wanted to keep Liam in the hallway with me so we could continue our playful conversation. Talking to him was fun, and it didn’t have a whole lot to do with his looks. I mean, sure, he was super-hot, but he was charming too. A deadly combination.

I arched an eyebrow at him. “Conceited, no. Confident, yes.”

Liam nodded slowly and looked me over. I was dressed more casually than usual, wearing only a pair of super-short jean shorts and an emerald green tank. It was fitted, though, and showed off my curves perfectly. Which Liam seemed to really appreciate.

“With good reason,” he finally said. “I suppose we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other this year. Since Ryan and I are flatmates and all.”

A thrill shot through me at the expression on his face. Yes, we would be seeing a lot of each other. I had big plans for college, and most of them involved being wild and crazy and making sure I had no regrets when I was old and gray. I had a promise to live up to, after all. One I’d made to Julie when we were only fifteen years old and I thought we both had our whole lives ahead of us.

What do you think of him, Julie? He’s hot and funny and British. Might be a really fun way to start off my college career.

“I’d love for you to see more of me,” I said with a smile.

2

“Why aren’t you bigger?” I put my hands on my hips and glared at the closet like I could somehow force the thing to grow.

It didn’t.

I shoved a few strands of damp hair out of my face while I considered my options. It was entirely possible my cousin had been right, although I’d die before I admitted it. If I did, he’d never let me hear the end of it. Ryan had bitched the entire time he and Dad moved me in, but I swore to him I’d only packed the essentials. The College of Charleston and I definitely had different ideas about what was necessary. Unpacking was starting to feel like a game of Tetris.

Someone stepped into the room behind me, but I didn’t pull my eyes away from the problem at hand long enough to glance their way. It was probably just my new roommate. Making all my stuff fit was priority number one. The roommate and I had all year to get to know each other.

“This is ridiculous!” It came out sounding like a grunt as I forced a few more hangers onto the bar. “I picked this dorm because it’s supposed to have bigger rooms than the others. I thought that would mean more storage!”

Another chunk of hair fell across my eyes, and I swept it aside. It was getting hot in the room. Maybe now that my roommate had arrived, we could shut the frickin’ door! Ugh. Most of the time I loved living in Charleston—beaches, hello—but the humidity was a pain in my left ass cheek. It’s almost impossible to feel sexy with sweat dripping down your crack.

With a hanger held in each hand, I glared at the closet again. Now, you are going to cooperate, you suitcase disguised as a closet! I forced the hangers between the row of clothes. I had to jimmy them in, but I managed to make it work. Somehow.

“That’s all I can do.” I huffed and stood back, eyeing it with my hands on my hips. “I’m going to have to buy something to put under the bed that I can store clothes in. Thank God there’s room!”

As soon as the current crisis had been put aside, I spun around to face my roommate, giving her the biggest smile I could manage. Picture the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland. “You must be Annie!”

She didn’t move and she didn’t talk, and it took me about two seconds to size her up. Tomboy. She stood across the room yanking on the hem of a San Francisco 49ers t-shirt like she didn’t know what to do with herself. The thing was too big. By a lot. So were the jean shorts she had on. Plus, they were both ugly. She looked like she’d raided some sports fanatic’s dresser, which was just sad, because she was pretty. Really pretty, actually.

Annie’s skin was pale and smooth like butter. She honestly looked like she hadn’t set foot outside a day in her life, unlike me who sported that I-just-stepped-out-of-a-tanning-bed look all year long. Somehow, though, it worked for her. Her blond hair was long and shiny, and her eyes were the color of honey. She had a kind of innocence about her that made me feel both a little jealous and like I wanted to be the one to help her shed it.

We were going to have an awesome year!

I rushed forward and threw my arms around her, and she stumbled back. Her body slammed against the wall and her suitcase flopped over. I swear, Annie would have fallen right on her ass if I hadn’t been there.

“Oh!” I grabbed her elbow and jerked her upright, and I couldn’t help laughing. Real smooth, Cami. “Sorry, I get carried away sometimes. I’m Cami!”

“Hi.” Her cheeks turned pink and she kind of looked like she wanted to run for cover.

No way was I intimidating. Shy, I guess?

My smile stretched so wide while I waited for her to say more that I started to feel a little insane—like the Joker. Nothing happened, though.

Okay . . . I guess I should get this ball rolling.

“So you’re from California? You must be tired and dying to unpack,” I said as I motioned toward her luggage. “I hope you have better luck than I did. I couldn’t fit even half of my stuff.”

“I’ll probably have some extra room,” she said, giving me a shaky smile. “I don’t have a lot.”

My own smile faltered when I looked down at her suitcases. Two. And they weren’t big. Were her parents mailing the rest of her stuff? No way had a college-age chick come all the way from California with only two small suitcases!

“Is that all you have?” She nodded and a giggle forced its way out of me. Maybe Ryan had a point . . . No. That would be ridiculous. I could picture each and every item in my wardrobe and I was positive I needed it all. “Wow! I guess Ryan’s right. I am high-maintenance. He bitched the whole time he and Dad moved me in, like I can help that I need a lot of stuff!”

“Is Ryan your brother?” Annie asked with a hint of laughter in her voice.

The question caught me totally off guard. I wasn’t used to explaining my connection to Ryan. We’d always lived in the same place, and people at home just knew.

I shook my head and shrugged at the same time. That won’t confuse her! Geez, Cami. “Yes and no. We’re cousins, but he’s like a brother. He lived with us growing up. He’s a sophomore here.”

It hit me then that Annie probably needed to get through the room, which was covered in clothes. Honestly, it looked like someone had dropped a Forever 21 bomb on the dorm and we were at ground zero. I started scooping clothes up off the floor, and the whole time my mind swam with what I was going to do that night.

Ryan promised to take me out, Julie. You know he always follows through. I’m going to start college off with a bang! Wouldn’t it be awesome if Liam were there? What do you think of Annie? She seems nice. I should take her out with me. Make sure she has some fun too. Right?

Annie unpacked while I filled the silence with a constant stream of chatter. I went on and on about my parents and Ryan, as if they were anything exciting. Honestly, I didn’t even know what I was saying. In my head I was counting down the minutes and thinking about what I was going to wear. Our first night as college students was going to be epic. It never even occurred to me that Annie wouldn’t want to go. Who wouldn’t?

She zipped up her empty suitcase and put it aside, and it hit me then that Annie hadn’t said more than two words since she’d started unpacking.

I frowned in her general direction and said, “You haven’t told me a thing about yourself!”

“Um . . . what do you want to know?” She yanked on the hem of her t-shirt again. She acted like she was trying to make it longer, which was just ridiculous. Throw a belt on her and that thing could have been a dress. An ugly one, but still! “I, um . . . I played volleyball in high school. I got enough academic scholarships to cover tuition, so I don’t have to work. I have four older brothers. Two are in college, one is at the Air Force Academy. The other is married and lives in Georgia.”

That was all she had to say. I crossed my arms over my chest and did my best to convey how disappointed I was in her. Even if it killed us both, I was going to get her to open up!

“Boyfriend?” I asked.

She shook her head and I pursed my lips. No surprise there. She seemed too shy to snag a guy. I bet she turned bright red when one tried to even talk to her.

I decided to try again. “What do you do for fun?”

“I told you: volleyball.”

She shifted from foot to foot and I studied her with narrowed eyes. I needed to find a way to get her to come out of her shell. I had some serious expectations to live up to, and college was the perfect place to get started. Annie was coming with me on all the crazy adventures I had planned. Every hero needed a sidekick, after all. Of course, with the things I had on my to-do list, it was more like she’d be my partner in crime. I just needed to figure out how I was going to get her to agree to it.

“What else?” I asked. “I like to go shopping and to the beach, hang out with friends.”

“That sounds like fun.” She gave a little shrug that for some strange reason made me think of Winnie the Pooh, although I had a feeling even Pooh Bear had lived more than this girl. He and that honey pot seemed to get into a lot of trouble.

Annie needed to have some fun. Probably even get laid a time or two. She had to be a virgin. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her, but I knew a question like that would most likely send her running for the hills.

I decided to go with a less invasive question. “Are you shy?”

She shrugged, again! Oh, I was going to drag some information out of her if it was the last thing I did.

“We’ll work on that,” I said, like it was no big deal. “I plan on having an awesome time in college, and I’m taking you with me. Got it?”

Before she could answer, I went back to organizing my things. I had a feeling she’d come up with an argument or some way to get out of it, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. You’re only young for a short time, and we needed to enjoy it. Party, flirt, date, get in a little trouble. I didn’t want to wake up at the age of forty and wish I’d been wilder. I knew firsthand how quickly things could come to an end.

No regrets. That was my motto. And probably the motto of most of the students currently moving into their dorms, but whatever. You can’t always be original.

“I think I’m going to take a shower,” Annie said from behind me.

I didn’t look up from digging through my pile of earrings. I was looking for the perfect pair, something that would say, “I’m sophisticated but ready for a party.” I knew I had them.

“Just be ready in two hours. We’re going out.”

I braced myself for an argument, but it never happened. The bathroom door clicked behind me.

When I’d found the right earrings—they were gold dangly things that swayed every time I moved—I went to work on my outfit. A jean skirt with a frayed hem was the obvious choice. Not too fancy and not too casual, but short enough to show off my tan and make my legs look longer than they actually were. I dressed it up with my favorite red halter. It had a built-in bra and gave me killer cleavage. I knew the gold heels I grabbed would be a challenge on the sidewalks downtown, but they were strappy, so at least I wouldn’t fall out of them. Maybe I’d stumble a little and fall on my ass . . . or just maybe I’d fall into the perfect guy.

Yes! I could picture it perfectly. My heel caught in a crack, making me stumble. I would reach out for Ryan, but he’d be too far away to save me. The end was right there, flying toward me in the form of the cement sidewalk. I had a flashback to a rerun of The Brady Bunch and a football slamming into Marcia’s nose right before the prom. I could picture myself throwing my hands out to brace my fall, but just before I slammed into the ground someone would swoop in.

My cheeks warmed as I imagined him catching me, pulling me close. The sun setting behind him like in every Nicholas Sparks movie I’d ever seen—minus the death and Alzheimer’s. In my head, my savior was perfect-looking. Like Chris Hemsworth or Ian Somerhalder—I didn’t even care which one as long as he looked like one of them. He smiled and music played as drunk college students stumbled down the road around us, and we realized we’d found our destiny.

I sighed as I pulled my shoes on. Yup. That was definitely going to happen.

My phone dinged and I jumped about two feet off the ground. I was so excited I could hardly stand still. I felt like a toddler on a sugar high. The text was from my cousin, which only made me jump around even more.

RYAN: HEADING OUT EARLIER. C U IN 45 MINUTES.

Yes! There were few things in life I enjoyed more than a night out in Charleston. The beach? Probably. But only because I loved the feeling of having guys drool over me. Shopping? Only if it wasn’t my money. Sex? No contest! Sex won every time.

I caught my reflection in the mirror and frowned. Ugh. The humidity had done a number on my makeup and I was in desperate need of a touch-up. But first, I had business to take care of.

I took a seat at my desk and pulled out my pink spiral notebook. The pages were starting to look worn, but more than half of them were still blank. I flipped to the first unused page, and neatly printed the date at the top, then started writing.

Julie—

Well, I’m moved in. Okay, almost moved in. You wouldn’t’t believe how little storage there is in these dorm rooms. You’d be freaking out if you were here right now. I wish you were. Last night, I had a dream you were moving into the dorm with me. Only it didn’t look like this. It was bigger and very pink. I’m not sure where that came from because I know how much you hate pink, but what can you do? I’m not exactly in control of what I dream. Anyway, we were having a blast unpacking and sharing clothes and talking about all the things we would do as college students. It was nice, but I still woke up crying. I always do when I dream about you, don’t I?

Don’t worry, though. I’m still going to do all those crazy things we talked about. I’ll do them for the both of us. I swear, I won’t be lame like Jamie. No regrets, right?

Okay, I have to get a move on if I’m going to be ready for Ryan. He’s picking me up here soon. Taking me out for my first official night as a college student. I’ll fill you in on all the juicy details tomorrow!

Miss you.

I shut the notebook and sucked in a deep breath, trying to ease the pressure in my chest that always came when I wrote to Julie. Writing to her was supposed to be good for me, but it didn’t feel that way. When I talked to Julie I could pretend she was here with me, listening. Writing it all down didn’t have the same effect. It felt too final. Too much like a farewell. It made the ache inside me intensify.

I’m not going to think about all that right now. I have things to do.

Even though no one would think twice about the notebook if they saw it, I still made sure to tuck it under the pile of folders and notebooks in my drawer. I didn’t want to take that risk. Didn’t want people to know I was writing to someone who couldn’t write back. To know I was slightly unhinged.

I turned on some music and sang along as I got ready, trying to keep my mind on the upbeat tune instead of the ache in my chest. Slowly, it eased and I was able to focus on the fun night ahead of me again. It was always a hard transition to make.

When Annie stepped out of the bathroom, I flashed her my Cover Girl smile before focusing on my mascara. I was in good spirits once again. Just a little more eye makeup, some lipstick and I’d be done!

“Ryan is going to be here in thirty, so you better hurry.”

“I thought you said we had two hours?” Annie’s voice shook, but at least she wasn’t arguing.

I leaned closer to the mirror and stretched my eyes open as wide as I could, trying to wrangle my lashes into the curler. They would obey me! “He called and said they were going out earlier. They want to catch dinner first.”

“Where are you going?” Annie asked.

I blotted my burgundy lips on a tissue. It did not escape my attention that Annie had said you. “We, and who cares? Anywhere Ryan will take us! It’s our first night as college students and I want to have fun.”

She didn’t respond, but I could see her reflection in the mirror behind me as she ran a comb through her long hair. God, it was gorgeous. I always loved my dark complexion, but there was something about blondes that made me feel like I was missing out. Didn’t they say blondes had more fun?

“Break Free” by Ariana Grande came on and I grabbed my iPhone off the desk. Yes! This was my jam. I bobbed my head as I crossed the room. My stomach jumped with excitement, but when I caught sight of Annie, she looked on the verge of puking. She was blow-drying her hair, so I assumed she wasn’t going to chicken out.

She turned the dryer off once her hair wasn’t dripping wet, then pulled it up into a ponytail. My eyes narrowed more and more with every move she made. I had a sneaking suspicion Annie was about to tell me she was ready to go, and that wouldn’t do at all. No way was I going to let her out of the dorm with those clothes on.

“You’re wearing that?” My gold earrings pinged against my cheeks when I shook my head.

Annie looked down at her jean shorts and Air Force Academy t-shirt as if she couldn’t remember what she’d put on. “I don’t have anything else.”

My eyebrow shot up like it had been launched from a slingshot. “Nothing? No skirts or dresses?” Annie shrugged and I had the urge to shake her. Why did she look so clueless? “You have to at least have something nicer than that shirt.”

I crossed the room in three quick strides. When I yanked open her closet, I exhaled slowly so I didn’t explode into a lecture on fashion. Holding it in was probably one of the most difficult things I’d ever done. Just as I’d suspected, there was nothing good. I didn’t even have to look through the rest of her clothes to know she couldn’t possibly wear any of this stuff out. It was up to me to make her look her age. And female! The way she was dressed reminded me of a ten-year-old boy, not a college student.

A thrill shot through me that felt like a bolt of electricity. Yes! I could dress her up and parade her around like she was my very own Barbie doll. It was just too bad my makeup wasn’t going to work for her. I was willing to bet my iPhone she didn’t own any.

Can you see this mess, Julie? Does this look like the wardrobe of an attractive eighteen-year-old girl? I have my work cut out for me, don’t I?

I searched my clothes, using my fashion expertise to pick out the perfect outfit for her. Even though it took some convincing, for the most part Annie was receptive to me nudging her gently in the right direction. She even seemed a little excited by the prospect of getting all dressed up, which was good to know. It meant I would get to do this again, like I would be her personal fashion consultant or something. Awesome!

Once she was dressed, I circled her like I was Tim Gunn critiquing a contest on Project Runway. “Much better. Still, we have to go shopping ASAP! Until then . . .” I turned and grabbed some jewelry off the desk. The necklace I put on her was silver and delicate, and there were earrings that matched.

When I went for her ears, Annie pushed my hand away. “They’re not pierced.”

My arms fell to my sides, still holding the earrings. “What? You’re killing me!”

“My dad is very protective.”

My stomach dropped and everything I was going to say evaporated. The ache in my chest returned full force and the black cloud that had been hanging over me for the past year was back. I’d been exasperated with Annie’s lack of clothing options, but it was all in good fun. Until she said those words. Overprotective dad. They made me break out in a cold sweat. Made my heart beat faster. Maybe the whole thing hadn’t been such a good idea.

What do you think, Julie? Would you do things differently if you could? I can’t repeat the same mistakes I made with you. I’m not sure I’d survive that happening again. Some days, I’m barely hanging on as it is.

“What about shoes?” Annie asked, making me jump.

I blinked and stared at Annie, who was staring back at me. Waiting for me to tell her what to do. Her honey-colored eyes were wide and hopeful. It was clear she wanted this. Maybe even needed it for some reason. She wasn’t Julie. Annie was an adult, not a high school student who was out trying to piss off her parents. I wasn’t doing anything wrong this time.

“What do you have?” I managed to get out, swallowing down the pain and pushing the darkness away. I wanted happy Cami back.

“Running shoes and flip-flops.” Annie pointed to the floor and my eyes landed on a pair of cheap-looking white flip-flops.

I scooped them up and dropped them in front of her. “These will have to do. At least they’re not those ugly black athletic-looking flip-flops guys wear.”

She pointed to a pair under the bed. The exact same ones I had just been referring to.

“Did a man dress you?” I said, throwing my arms up in disgust.

Annie laughed, but it was tight and uncomfortable. “Yes. My dad.”

That explained a lot. “Where was your mom in all this?”

She turned away and studied the jewelry on the desk, but her back was stiff. I could tell she was avoiding my gaze. “She died when I was a baby.”

The air left my lungs in a big whoosh that came out as, “Oh shit.”

All I could think about was Ryan. He’d lost his mom when he was young. Too young. He didn’t really talk about it, but I knew it still affected him. Just like it obviously did Annie.

I put my hands on her shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Annie. That sucks.”

She turned to face me and I gnawed on my bottom lip. I wanted to say more, to tell her I’d lost someone too. That I understood. But that wasn’t totally true. Ryan would understand, but I couldn’t. Not really. My mama was still alive.

My phone dinged, making me jump. Thank God! I needed Ryan to scoop me up and get me out of here. Things had gotten way too real. It was time to lighten the mood.

I grabbed my phone off the desk and just like that, the other Cami popped up, all ready to save the day. “Ryan’s downstairs!” I squealed and spun around to face Annie, holding up a tube of lip gloss. “I can’t do much with your makeup right now, but this will help.”

A few finishing touches and we were ready to go. My heart was beating so fast, I was pretty sure if I ripped it out of my chest it would twerk across the room. Just thinking about going out helped ease the tension inside me.

Here I go, Julie! All ready to be wild and crazy, just like I promised.

3

The elevator stopped and Annie swallowed. I raked my fingers through my hair as my stomach buzzed with so much excitement I had a hard time keeping still. Then the door slid open, revealing Ryan and a bunch of his friends.

I rushed forward, squealing as I jumped into his arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Calm down or I’m not taking you anywhere.” He laughed as his arms went around me.

I smiled and turned to Annie, ignoring Ryan’s idle threats. I knew better and so did he. He couldn’t deny this adorable face of mine. “This is my roommate, Annie. You have to be nice to her Ryan, she’s shy. This is my cousin, Ryan Cole.”

Ryan grinned at Annie, but I was too busy scanning the group to really pay attention. My eyes landed on Amber, and I had the sudden urge to barf, but Mitch wasn’t an unwelcome sight. He was cute and flirty, and even though Ryan was always trying to keep me away from Mitch, I had a good time goofing off with him. Of course, it was all for fun. There was no way in hell that was going to happen. Mitch was a man-whore.

The one person I’d been hoping to see wasn’t there, though, and my heart sank so low it felt like it was between my knees. Crap. I’d really wanted Liam to come along. Oh well, I could still have fun.

I turned to Ryan, working hard to keep a smile on my face. “Are we going or what?”

Ryan didn’t take his eyes off Amber, which made an evil smile curl up her lips. Joke was on her, though. There was no way Ryan would ever be attracted to someone as fake as Amber. He usually went for the innocent type—more like Annie. I might not know my new roommate that well yet, but I could totally see her and my cousin together. It was kind of perfect, actually.

Ryan swatted me away and I had to resist the urge to smack him in the back of the head. “We’re going. We’re waiting on Chris.” A strange expression came over Annie’s face. Like she was a little kid anticipating the arrival of Santa Claus or someone equally thrilling. The elevator dinged and we both turned just as Chris stepped out, causing Annie’s face to light up when he headed our way.

“ ’Bout time. My hair’s turning gray,” Ryan said, punching Chris on the shoulder.

“Hey, Chris,” I purred. I liked to flirt with Chris even though he was like a brother to me. To be honest, I just liked to flirt. “I hear we’re neighbors.”

Chris scratched his head, which totally killed the mood. He looked like a total idiot when he did that. “Is that right? What room are you in?”

“Three fifteen.”

Chris’s face scrunched up like he was trying to work out a really hard math problem. “Three fifteen? So your roommate is—”

“Right here.” I spun on my heel and pointed at Annie, who looked both thrilled and terrified at the same time. “You know Annie?”

“We met,” Chris said, smiling wider.

Annie returned it and I swear the moment reminded me of something out of one of those corny romantic comedies. So much for thinking Annie and Ryan were perfect for each other!

After Chris arrived, we headed out. The sidewalk was so packed that my insanely high heels weren’t much of an issue. I found myself squeezed in between Annie and Mitch, making it impossible for me to fall down even if I wanted to. So much for bumping into my dream man.

Chris was on the other side of Annie, asking her questions about California and who knows what else. Honestly, I tuned him out after about two seconds. My focus was on Mitch. He wasn’t as good-looking or even half as charming as Liam, and most of the time when he talked to me his eyes were focused on my boobs, but he did have a flask he was open to sharing. Plus, he obviously thought I was hot. In the absence of Liam and the man of my dreams, Mitch seemed like a good way to start off my college career.

We slowed our pace, keeping to the back of the group as we headed to whatever restaurant Ryan had chosen. I’d forgotten to ask before we left. Not that I cared all that much. Not as long as the booze kept coming and my overactive brain was swimming in alcohol by the end of the night. Sometimes I wished I could just turn it off.

I scanned the street for any signs of authority, and when I didn’t spot anyone, I lowered my head to take a swig from the flask. Whatever Mitch had filled it with burned going down. A tickle started in the back of my throat and traveled up, forcing its way out in the form of a cough. I giggled, and Mitch grinned down at me. He had nice, soft brown eyes that looked deceptively sweet. His smile, however, gave him away. It was straight from the devil.

“Easy there, little girl. I wouldn’t want you to get drunk. Not with your big brother here.”

I rolled my eyes and passed the flask back to Mitch. My head felt lighter already and I’d only taken a couple drinks. It was probably because I’d skipped lunch. At the time I’d been too busy unpacking to bother with food.

“Despite what Ryan thinks, he isn’t in charge of me. I make my own decisions.”

“I’ve heard stories about your decisions,” Mitch said, grinning. “Ryan says you have a wild side.”

I snorted. Ryan’s idea of having a wild side was a little different from mine. I liked to have fun, but he acted as if every time I took a drink I was going to get alcohol poisoning. He was just being protective, and I couldn’t really blame him after Julie, but it got old. Fast.

“I just like to have a good time,” I said with a shrug.

Mitch grinned and nudged me with his elbow. “Me too.”

Ryan glared Mitch’s way when we got to the restaurant, but we both ignored him. The hostess led us to our table, and Ryan did his best to corral me into a chair near him. He honestly reminded me of a sheep dog the way he inserted himself between me and Mitch, steering me toward the other end of the table. It didn’t work, though. I ducked under his arm before he could back me into a chair—yay for being short!—and practically sprinted to the other side of the table. Mitch grinned and Ryan glared and I giggled. I was having a blast.

Did you see the look on Ryan’s face, Julie? I know you’d be dying if you were here.

I ended up in the back corner right next to Mitch. Since Ryan was sitting on the same side of the table, but all the way at the other end, it gave us a fair amount of privacy. It also helped that Amber was doing her very best to keep his focus on her. I swear, she was shoving her boobs in his face every chance she got. It was pathetic.

Mental note: make sure I don’t turn into a gigantic slut like Amber.

Sorry if you were going for slutty college student, Julie, but that isn’t going to happen.

I frowned at the Diet Coke sitting in front of me when the waitress brought Mitch his beer. Ugh. Being underage in college was going to suck. If I didn’t get more to drink soon, my buzz was going to wear off.

Luckily, Mitch noticed my distress and came to the rescue. “You look a little sad,” he said, leaning close to me. “Something I can help you with?”

“Only if you have another flask,” I said with a perfect pout on my face.

Mitch grinned and shook his head, then pushed his beer toward me. “Nope, but I can help in other ways.”

I didn’t argue, and I didn’t push his hand away when he set it on my leg. Mitch grinned at me like he had won the lottery while I downed the beer. He ordered another when the waitress came by. We shared it, and after that we had a steady stream of alcohol and flirting going back and forth between the two of us. The more I drank, the more charming Mitch seemed. Maybe he didn’t have a dead sexy accent like Liam, but he sure was cute. And he knew how to have a good time.

About halfway through the meal nature called. I’d been ignoring it, but it had slowly changed from a quiet whisper to a desperate scream, and I couldn’t put it off anymore. When I got to my feet, the room swayed just a little. I blinked and gripped the back of Mitch’s chair for support.

“You doing okay there?” he said, laughing.

“I’m fine.” I stuck my tongue out and straightened my shoulders. The gold heels under me wobbled, but I managed to hang in there. “See. No problem.”

Mitch was still laughing when I headed for the bathroom.

It was really far away. Or at least it seemed like it at the time. I had to dodge about a hundred tables, at least fifty servers carrying food or drinks, and more dinner guests than I could ever dream of counting. Then I got to the bathroom only to discover the line was about six miles long. Dammit.

“Problems?” someone said in my ear, so close that his breath swept my hair aside and I got a whiff of beer.

I spun around to find Mitch grinning. “Did you follow me?”

“I had to pee too,” he said, turning toward the men’s room. “Which I’m going to take care of right now because there’s no line.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him, but he just smiled.

He pushed the door open and peeked inside, then turned back to face me. “It’s empty if you want to sneak in.”

“I don’t know . . .”

It wouldn’t be the first time I’d used the men’s room to avoid waiting in line. Let’s face it, sometimes it was necessary. But the restaurant was kind of a classy place and something about it just didn’t feel right.

“Come on,” Mitch said. “We’ll lock it so no one can barge in.”

I sighed and glanced over my shoulder at the line for the women’s room. There were five women standing outside the door and I really did have to pee.

“Fine.”

Mitch grinned as I followed him inside and looked around. At least it was clean and didn’t reek of pee. He locked the door as I headed for the stall, and it wasn’t until I was safely inside that I heard his zipper. Then it hit me. He was at the urinal. Standing out in the open like he didn’t care how much of him I saw.

I giggled when I peered through the crack. I felt like a perv at one of those old-time peep shows, but I couldn’t make myself turn away. Not that it mattered. Mitch’s back was to me so I couldn’t see a damn thing. Oh well.

After I had finished my business, I headed out of the stall and found Mitch washing his hands. I lathered my own with soap while I gave myself a once-over in the mirror. Even a little tipsy I looked hot.

“You know if you wanted a good look, all you had to do is ask.” Mitch grinned and shook his wet hands in my direction.

Okay, so he realized I’d been trying to sneak a peek at his goods. It was a little embarrassing, but it’s not like he wouldn’t have been doing the exact same thing if the situation were reversed!

I swatted him away as little drops of water hit me in the face. “Please! Isn’t that why you asked me in here, anyway? I just thought you were putting on some kind of show for me. Like Magic Mike or something.”

Mitch took a step closer to me. “No. This is why I invited you in here.”

He gripped my face between his hands as his mouth slammed into mine. It was totally unexpected, but not unwelcome. Heat rushed through my body and I grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer with my still-wet hands. I stumbled a few steps and my back banged against the stall behind me. I swear the whole bathroom shook. Mitch’s lips moved over mine, urging them open, and he shoved his tongue so far into my mouth it felt like he was trying to lick my tonsils. Seriously, I almost gagged. There was nothing hot or sexy about it. The guy was all tongue.

I tried to slow the kiss down, hoping he’d get the point and stop giving the inside of my mouth a tongue bath. It didn’t exactly work. His tongue was like a giant slug invading my mouth. How did someone who had the reputation of being such a man-whore end up being such a lousy kisser? It was one of the great mysteries in life. Along with the Bermuda Triangle and who actually built the pyramids. The secret would probably die with him.

After a few seconds of literally playing tonsil hockey, I gently pushed Mitch away. I wanted to wipe my mouth, but I held back. “That’s enough for now, Tiger. We should probably get out of here before Ryan sends a search party, or someone desperate to use the bathroom breaks down the door.”

Mitch grinned and the expression on his face reminded me of a little kid who had just learned to ride a bike. Like he’d achieved greatness or something. I felt kind of bad for the guy. Someone needed to explain to him that swallowing the other person whole shouldn’t be his goal when it came to kissing.

Not that I was going to do it. Maybe one day he’d get lucky and some girl would take pity on him, but I didn’t have the time or patience.

When we opened the door, there was a guy a year or two older than me waiting to use the bathroom. He saw me first and his eyes went to the door like he was making sure he was in the right place. Then he noticed Mitch and his face broke out in a huge grin.

“All right, man. Nice work.” He gave Mitch a high-five as we walked by.

I rolled my eyes at the proud expression on Mitch’s face. “Don’t pat yourself on the back too much. Nothing really happened. Remember?”

“Not this time,” Mitch said, giving me a wink.

Or ever. Ugh. No way was I going to revisit that train wreck. Letting Mitch lick my esophagus once was more than enough for me.

Sorry, Julie. We’re going to have to find someone else to focus on. Although, at least now I can say I’ve made out with a guy in the men’s restroom. That’s living, isn’t it?

After dinner we headed to a bar that was so crowded we had a hard time squeezing our way through. Mitch was pressed up against me the whole time, his hands on my hips. Ryan kept glaring at him, but Mitch wasn’t easily deterred. And I didn’t really care. It’s not like I was going to be heading off to the bathroom with him again, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t buy me a drink or two. My buzz from dinner had already started to wear off and Ryan wasn’t going to help me get wasted.

Annie was glued to my side as we pushed our way through the crowd. She had loosened up a little since we’d left the dorm, but she still looked ready to make a run for it at times.

“This way!” I called.

I ducked under the arm of a drunk guy dressed like he was on a cruise. Annie’s hand slipped from my grasp, but I kept my eyes on the back of Chris’s head so I didn’t get lost. It wasn’t until we got to the table that I noticed Annie wasn’t behind me. I spun around to search the crowd for her, but Mitch was in my way. He had me backed up against the bench and was trying to maneuver me into the booth.

“I lost Annie!” I called to Ryan, who was still about four feet away.

He waved me aside and headed back through the crowd, and I was finally able to relax and allow Mitch to push me into the booth. Ryan would find Annie, so I didn’t need to worry.

Mitch settled in next to me, flashing me a smile. His hand ended up on my leg. I was in the middle of debating how long I should let the whole thing go on when Ryan showed up with his arm around Annie, who looked a little shaken.

“What happened to you?” I yelled across the table as Ryan shoved her into a chair next to Chris.

“I just saved Buttercup from being accosted by a very drunk frat guy.” Ryan took a seat on the other side of Annie and put his arm on the back of her chair. He winked.

Holy shit! I felt like such a jerk for losing her in the crowd. “Are you okay?”

Annie nodded, but her response was lost when Chris said, “Buttercup?”

“Just a nickname.” Ryan squeezed the back of Annie’s neck and her cheeks got even brighter.

“What time is your first class tomorrow?” Mitch asked.

“Um . . .” I tore my eyes away from Annie so I could focus on him. “Too early. Eight. I think it should be a crime for school to have classes so early.”

Mitch grinned and his hand moved up to my thigh. He gave it a little squeeze. “You plan on turning in early?”

“I didn’t have any specific plans, really. I like to play it by ear, see how I feel. That kind of thing. But I can tell you that I never go to sleep early.”

He grinned when he caught my meaning.

Okay, so leading him on was probably a shitty thing to do, but I really didn’t want to pay for my drinks. It’s not like I had an ID or anything.

“Well,” Mitch said, “we need to make sure you’re feeling good then. Don’t we?”

I nodded and grinned just as Annie yelled, “Let’s get some drinks!” It was like she had read my mind.

“Mitch,” Ryan said as he got to his feet too. “Amber, you got an ID, right?”

Amber flashed Ryan a sultry look as she got up, then not so subtly adjusted her top until more cleavage bounced out. If any more of her boobs were showing we’d all have an excellent view of her nipples. Ryan barely glanced her way, but Mitch was staring so hard his mouth was hanging open.

I spent the time waiting for my drink eavesdropping on Annie and Chris’s conversation. He touched her a lot. Like every chance he got. And surprisingly, Annie seemed to be responding to him. It was exciting because it proved there was a flirty and outgoing side to her. Which was going to make my job a hell of a lot easier.

When Ryan showed up with the beer, Annie grabbed it enthusiastically. She held the glass up to her nose and took a little sniff, and I had to bite back a smile. The first sip she took made her mouth scrunch up so much, she reminded me of my great aunt Ida who used to love giving Ryan and me big wet kisses when we were kids. We’d make gagging motions at each other behind her back.

The combination of the expression on Annie’s face and the memory of Aunt Ida made me laugh. “First beer?”

“Never had the opportunity before.” Annie shrugged and didn’t look the least bit embarrassed. That’s what I liked about her. She wasn’t afraid to admit who she really was to people. It was something you didn’t find very often.

“Were you raised in a convent?” Amber said with a sneer.

“No.” Annie took a big gulp, then said, “My dad is overprotective.”

Amber rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, “Should have joined a convent.”

I was all ready to jump over the table and bitch-slap her. Honestly, I would have enjoyed it.

“Knock it off, Amber,” Ryan said before I could do anything rash.

Amber slumped back, pouting into her beer while I smiled triumphantly. Maybe one day she’d get it through her head that being a big slutty bitch wasn’t going to attract Ryan. It was doubtful, though.

Mitch’s hand went back to my leg—or more accurately, my thigh—and I turned my attention to him. He smiled as he brushed the hair off my shoulder, and goose bumps traveled down my arms. I blamed it on the alcohol, because after kissing him once, I didn’t really find him all that attractive anymore. But I flashed him a sexy smile anyway and shifted in the seat so I was closer to him, adjusting my halter top so my cleavage was more alluring. Yes, even I used that move.

Mitch leaned closer like he was going to try to kiss me or whisper something in my ear, and even though there was a sober part of my brain that was screaming “NO!” I didn’t move. He was less than three inches from me when Annie let out a little squeal.

I tore my eyes away from Mitch just as Annie jumped to her feet. Her shorts were covered in amber liquid that ran down her legs, probably leaving a giant puddle between her feet. Chris and Ryan scrambled for napkins, then started blotting at the spot like crazy while Annie tried to push their hands away. The guys didn’t stop, though. They couldn’t quite understand that she didn’t want their hands touching her in that area. I doubted anyone ever had.

I shoved Mitch’s hand off my thigh and climbed to my feet. “Guys!”

They both froze and Annie squirmed away from them. Ryan threw his head back and laughed in classic Ryan style, but Chris looked like he was thinking about hiding under the table. He acted like he’d just walked in on his parents doing it or something.

“Shit, Annie, I’m sorry,” Chris mumbled.

I climbed over Mitch, who grinned and put his hands on my hips to “help me” along.

“Hands off, asshat,” Ryan snapped. He tossed a salt shaker and it hit Mitch in the head, who chuckled and rubbed the sore spot. Ryan didn’t crack a smile when Mitch put his hands up in surrender.

“Forget it,” I said to Ryan as I grabbed Annie’s hand and pulled her through the crowd. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

As we made our way through the crowd this time, I held onto Annie tighter than a dog leash with a puppy tugging at the other end. I didn’t want to lose her again. We managed to make it to the bathroom without getting separated, and I pushed my way through the line of girls waiting for their turn. They grumbled, of course.

“We’re just using the sink!” I snapped, rolling my eyes.

Annie didn’t say a word when we stopped in front of the sink so I could survey the damage. Her crotch was covered in a dark brown stain that made it look like she’d had a major accident. The shorts were probably ruined.

“You’re a mess!” I said with a huff.

Annie looked ashamed, as if she’d dumped the beer into her lap on purpose. “Sorry about your shorts.”

I waved her off and grabbed a handful of paper towels. “Forget it. Just wipe yourself down so you don’t end up all sticky. There’s not much we can do about the shorts at the moment.”

“It looks like I peed my pants,” Annie said, blotting at them.

I couldn’t really argue since I’d had the same thought, so I laughed it off.

While Annie scrubbed, I replayed the events of the night. Something was definitely going on with her and Chris, but I wasn’t totally sure what it was or if she was prepared for it. Plus, I had a nagging feeling there was more to Annie’s story than she was letting on. Everything she did and saw seemed so new to her.

“So Chris seems awfully interested in you,” I said slowly.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, not looking up.

I almost scratched my head. That’s how confused I was. “Why are you sorry?”

“You were flirting with him earlier.”

I threw my hair over my shoulder and crossed my arms. “I was just fooling around. Chris has been Ryan’s friend for a long time. I’m not interested in him.” I narrowed my eyes, then asked, “Are you?”

She didn’t pull her gaze away from the stain she was still blotting. “I guess.”

Seriously? This girl was more mysterious than that stupid island from Lost. “What do you mean, ‘I guess’?”

“I don’t have a lot of experience with stuff like that.”

The way she said it made me even more suspicious. Like she was being intentionally elusive so she didn’t have to admit to some deep, dark secret that might alter the time-space continuum.

“Okay, confession time,” I said. “You keep saying your dad was overprotective and all that, but I assumed that just meant you had an early curfew. Now I’m getting the impression that wasn’t it. Exactly how strict was he?”

Annie clutched the paper towel so tight a few drops of water fell to the floor. Then, her grip relaxed and she tossed it in the trash. I didn’t take my eyes off her as I waited for a response.

“I wasn’t allowed to do anything,” she finally said.

Anything? What the hell was that supposed to mean? There’s no way she wasn’t allowed to do anything. Did her dad keep her locked in a tower like that bitch who kidnapped Rapunzel?

Even your parents didn’t go that far, did they, Julie?

“Look at me,” I said, waiting until her eyes met mine. “What do you mean?”

“I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without my brothers.”

“Okay . . .” I pressed my lips together while I thought it through. So the virgin thing was probably pretty accurate, but what else? “So you’ve never dated? Never gone to the prom or to a party?” She shook her head in response to all of that. My arms fell to my sides and I took a deep breath. This was all starting to feel uncomfortably familiar. “What did you do in high school?”

“I played volleyball and went out with my brothers and their friends.” She cringed a little, acting like it hurt her to admit it out loud.

“Didn’t any of their friends ever flirt with you or ask you out?”

“I was one of the guys. Plus, my brothers never would have let it happen. It was ingrained in them from a young age that they needed to look out for me.”

What? Why the hell would her family treat her that way? It didn’t make any sense. Even Julie’s parents let her have friends. Something I was positive they had come to regret, but still. “Why? Why was your dad so protective?”

“He just was.”

I ran my hand through my hair while I considered it all. All I could think about was Julie and the mistakes I’d made. Looking back, though, I still couldn’t agree with how her parents had tried to shelter her. All it had done was make her rebel.

Pain and remorse and guilt squeezed my chest just thinking about my part in what had happened. I was wrong, and Julie had suffered because I’d been so young and stupid and reckless. But I wasn’t sure what to do about Annie. I had to avoid the mistakes I’d made with Julie, which meant I needed Annie to promise me that she’d be smarter. Safer. That I wouldn’t walk away from this situation even more broken than I already was.

“I wish I’d known this before we went out.” I tapped my foot against the tile floor while I thought the whole thing through. It wasn’t something we could talk about in public. Especially not the women’s restroom. “We need to go home.”

Annie’s mouth dropped open and she shook her head. A look of betrayal flashed in her eyes. “I don’t want to go home!”

I waved her worries off, then grabbed her arm. “Relax. I just think we need to discuss this in a more private place. I’m not going to keep you trapped in a bubble. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

4

After we got back to the dorm, we showered and changed. Annie was yawning like she’d never been up so late in her life, but it was only a little after one. I needed to help this girl get a life. And fast!

When I took a seat in my desk chair, I tried to act all grown up and experienced. The poor girl in front of me had never had a fun day in her life, and I knew it was my duty to help usher her into womanhood. Like I was a Jedi Master and she was my Padawan Learner.

Inside, I shook just thinking about what I had to tell her.

“Sit down and let’s figure this out,” I said, pointing to the other chair.

She smiled, but I didn’t return it. My stomach was in knots as I drummed my fingers on my knee. I couldn’t make my mouth move for a whole minute. Talking about what had happened with Julie wasn’t something I did often. In fact, it was something I generally tried to avoid.

“I want to get this out there because it’s nothing I ever want to go through again, understand?” My serious tone caused the smile to melt off Annie’s face. I took a deep breath. “You can’t go crazy, okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“I had a friend in high school, my best friend.” I twisted a chunk of damp hair between my fingers, trying to work up the courage to say the words out loud.

God, I miss you, Julie. Why did you have to leave me like this? And why can’t I move on? The guilt is killing me. You know that, don’t you?

Annie stared at me with her mouth hanging open, leaning forward like she knew something bad was about to happen.

I cleared my throat to break up the tears lodged there, then said, “Her parents were so strict. They were really religious and kind of took it overboard. She wasn’t allowed to go to parties and she had an early curfew. She couldn’t see R-rated movies or date or go to the prom or do really any of the stuff the rest of us did. They didn’t even let her wear makeup. It wasn’t a big deal until the end of our sophomore year. That’s when she met a boy she liked and started to get really mad.” I paused and swallowed. It wasn’t easy. My throat was so tight, I was sure it was going to close. I had to force the next words out. “Then she just went crazy. She was sneaking out and drinking, rebelling. She used me as her cover a lot, and I was too stupid to know I shouldn’t let it happen.”

My eyes stung, and I knew any second I would be crying. I looked down and focused on my hands while I waited for the tears to go away. They wouldn’t, so I kept my eyes on my hands. “At the beginning of our senior year we went to this party. She was drunk and so was the guy she was dating, but I let them get in a car anyway. They were in an accident. He was killed on impact.”

The next words got stuck in my throat. The ones that would acknowledge what had happened to Julie.

“What about your friend?” Annie whispered.

“She’s still in the hospital.” I dug my nails into my hands to stop them from shaking. “Brain-dead, but hooked up to machines. Her parents refuse to pull the plug.”

“I’m so sorry, Cami.”

I inhaled slowly through my nose, then forced myself to look up. I needed her to know how important the whole thing was to me. “That’s why I wanted to leave the bar. I totally get you wanting to go out there and experience new things, but you need to be careful about it. Okay?”

“I don’t want to go crazy, Cami. I just want to experience the normal things teenagers experience. While I’m still a teenager. I’ll be nineteen next month, and I haven’t done anything. I have one year.”

I nodded and for some crazy reason that comedy about old men popped into my head. My brain was so clouded with thoughts of Julie and the accident that it took me a second to remember the name, but when I did a slow smile spread across my face. “Kind of like a bucket list for your teen years.”

Annie smiled and nodded so fast her wet hair bounced around her shoulders. “Exactly!”

I perked up. It was a pretty awesome idea.

Yes! That’s a great idea, isn’t it, Julie? We could have done the same thing for you if we’d been smarter. We could have made it fun, turned it into a game. Then maybe things would have been different. I’ll make sure they’re different with Annie. I won’t let you down again.

I hopped up and started pacing. A list would give us rules to follow, keep things from getting too out of hand. We could do this! “That I can help with. But we should start a list right now. Write it all down, so we can mark it off as we go.”

“That’s a great idea.” Annie was beaming.

Her excitement made me even more excited. It also helped push the hurt down. Helped distract me from the guilt that had managed to swim to the surface when I told Annie about Julie. A list for Annie could help us both out. It would help her experience life, and give me something to focus on when I needed a distraction.

I grabbed a notebook and flipped it open, then a pink Sharpie. At the top of the paper, I wrote Annie’s Bucket List. “Okay, what’s first?”

“Let’s start small,” Annie said, chewing on her bottom lip. She looked like she was teetering between excitement and nervousness. “Buy makeup.”

That was exactly what I’d wanted her to say. “And some new clothes and shoes,” I said as I wrote the first thing down. “Girly stuff.”

Annie didn’t protest, so I wrote buy a dress and heels. Already I could imagine taking her shopping. Kind of like that scene from Pretty Woman.

“Get highlights,” Annie said as the song from the movie floated through my head.

I giggled, still picturing the fashion show. “With your hair, I’d get lowlights.”

What’s next? I peered at Annie out of the corner of my eye. She needed a few holes in her body. Her ears at least. “Get your ears pierced?”

“And something else too!” Annie bounced up and down in her chair like a cheerleader. “Like my nose or my belly button!”

Now she was really into it, and I was getting there too! A belly ring sounded perfect.

“A tattoo?” I asked.

She chewed on her lip and shook her head slowly. “I don’t know . . .”

I waved her off and moved on. Apparently she wasn’t ready for that one. I couldn’t blame her, though: I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to do either. “We’ll put that one on the shelf for now. What else? Just fire them off and I’ll write as fast as I can.”

She inhaled slowly, then jumped in. “Go on a date, go to a formal, go skinny-dipping, get drunk, have a first kiss, stay up all night, take a road trip with a group of friends.” I was scribbling away when Annie hesitated. “Have sex . . .”

She acted like I would be surprised, but of course I wasn’t. I would have written it down first thing if I wasn’t afraid she would die of embarrassment.

“What else?” I asked when I had the last one down.

“I don’t know. What else have you done?”

I pressed my lips together and gave it some serious thought. We needed something a little more daring. Something I could benefit from too. “We could do something like get a guy’s number in a bar or get a fake ID?”

“Yes! And I want a guy to buy me a drink. Not a drunk one either, a sober one who doesn’t have beer goggles.”

I laughed as I wrote it down. “Good idea.”

“What about smoking a cigarette?”

My face scrunched up on its own. Gross. But it was her list, so I wrote it down even though I thought it was disgusting.

Annie peered over my shoulder at the notebook in my hand, then said, “Just three more, then we’ll be done.” Three more would make it an even twenty, which sounded like a perfect number to me too.

I tapped the Sharpie against my lips as I thought the whole thing through. What else could I benefit from? What have I never done?

“You could always put tattoo on there,” I said. “I’ll even get one too.”

You’d get a tattoo, wouldn’t you, Julie? I bet you’d get a tramp stamp. Seems like something you’d do. A big purple butterfly right across your lower back. I can totally picture you showing it off at a party.

A smile crept across my face just thinking about it. Maybe I needed to make my own little list. Things Julie would never get to experience. . .

“Okay,” Annie said. “But we still need two more.”

“How about break someone’s heart?” I said, laughing. I had a feeling Chris was already halfway there, anyway. “Or better yet, get your heart broken? That’s a pretty normal teenage experience.”

Annie gave a little laugh and I was pretty sure she was going to say no, but she didn’t. “Write them both down.”

I wrote the final items, then turned the notebook toward Annie. She smiled, and just like that I felt better than I had in a long time. Like I’d taken control. Taken steps to right the past.

We’ll do things right this time, Julie. I promise.

The next day Annie agreed to let me take her shopping, and Ryan and Chris were nice enough to tag along. I helped her pick out girly clothes and shoes, and she even got her ears pierced. It was awesome being able to tell her what to wear, and I was thrilled when she listened to what I had to say about fashion. I totally deserved my own reality show on the Fashion Network.

For some crazy reason I wasn’t even close to understanding, Annie bolted out of the dorm almost the second we got back. She didn’t even stick around long enough to unpack her bags or have a fashion show with me, which was just plain rude.

Luckily, I didn’t have a problem unpacking her things for her. I only hoped she got back early enough to let me dress her up and take her out on the town. She needed to show off some of these new outfits before they went out of style.

I watched the clock while I put Annie’s new clothes away. The minutes ticked by, then an hour, and I started to get the strange feeling that Annie wasn’t coming back to the room anytime soon. Which totally pissed me off. She was missing a golden opportunity.

She still wasn’t back by the time I had all her stuff neatly put away, and I took the opportunity to pull out my notebook. With a roommate it was going to be tough finding time to write to Julie, so I needed to squeeze it in whenever I could. For therapeutic reasons, or so I’d been told.

Okay, so Ryan did take me out last night and it was super fun. We went to this awesome restaurant first, and Ryan’s friend Mitch bought me all kinds of drinks. He’s kind of an ass, so I’m not really into him, but that didn’t stop me from doing the most insane thing. You won’t believe it even when I tell you. I made out with him in the men’s restroom. Insane, right? It totally was not me. It’s more like something you would do, isn’t it? I still can’t believe I did it, but I was kind of drunk. Anyway, he was the worst kisser. Holy shit, Julie! I felt like he was trying to lick my stomach. It was just plain gross. I will not be doing that again.

I put my pen down and read over the note. It was weird, because reading it made me sound happy. Like I thought the whole thing was hilarious. But thinking back to the night before, I didn’t feel like smiling. To be honest, the whole memory kind of made me nauseous, and only part of it had to do with Mitch’s awful kissing.

I couldn’t force myself to write any more, so I put my notebook away and opened my computer to see what was going on in Facebook land. It should have been fun, but all it did was remind me of Julie. All our friends from high school were on there, talking about college, keeping the social media world up to date on the parties they were attending through pictures and drunken status updates. It made me squirm and wish for company, for someone to talk to so I could distract myself from all the painful memories.

I shut my computer and got to my feet. I hated being by myself. Too much time alone was never good anymore. It was too quiet, which always led to thinking about Julie. Then I would start feeling like shit, and the last thing I wanted to do on my first weekend as a college student was feel like shit. I should be out, having fun.

Where the hell was Annie?

I was still pacing when my phone finally dinged. I tore it out of my back pocket so fast it went flying across the room, and I had to dive after it like I was trying to steal home plate in a baseball game. When I saw it was Annie, I let out a sigh of relief that was so loud I wouldn’t be surprised if our next-door neighbors had been able to hear it through the walls. Thank God.

ANNIE: RAN INTO RYAN. I’M AT HIS PLACE.

My stomach jumped. Ryan’s place. Which meant Liam’s place too! I hadn’t seen him since the day I’d gone over there with my parents, and I couldn’t forget the way we’d flirted. Or how adamant he’d been about wanting to see more of me. I was more than ready to show him all of me if he really wanted to see it.

I turned to face the mirror, and the girl looking back at me shook with anticipation. Ryan was right. I did look like a Chihuahua when I was excited. I needed to freshen up my makeup, though. Probably change my clothes. Fix my hair . . .

But why waste the time if Liam wasn’t going to be there?

I turned back to my phone and typed a quick response to Annie.

CAMI: B THERE IN 10. LIAM THERE?

I held my breath while I waited for an answer, and when it came I cheered to the empty room.

ANNIE: RYAN SAID HE WAS, HAVEN’T SEEN HIM YET.

My fingers typed the response almost on their own as I mentally sifted through my closet in search of the perfect outfit.

CAMI: BETTER CHANGE MY CLOTHES!! ;-)

It took me ten minutes to change and fix my makeup. Then I was practically skipping as I headed for the door.

When I pulled it open, Chris was standing there. He looked like a sad puppy dog, and I couldn’t blame him. He’d been in a foul mood after our shopping trip and had said something to upset Annie. It was weird and I couldn’t even begin to guess what the whole thing was about. It was probably his time of the month or something.

“Is she here?” he asked, trying to look over my shoulder.

I rolled my eyes and stepped out, shutting the door behind me. “Nope. She’s at Ryan’s. You come to say you’re sorry?”

“You know I did.”

“Good, because you’re a moron, Chris. That girl obviously likes you and she doesn’t need you trying to tell her what to do or who to be. Let her figure that out on her own!”

“I’m sorry! Geez!”

Chris glared at me and I glared right back at him. We had some kind of glaring contest for about thirty seconds before I rolled my eyes. Of course I won. I’d perfected my glare over the years. Chris was just an amateur.

I took off, waving for him to follow me. “Come on. Walk me to Ryan’s.”

Chris was still hanging his head in shame when we got down to the lobby. Mitch and Amber were there, talking or flirting or having a skank convention. Who really knew what those two were doing together. A guilty expression came over Mitch’s face when he saw me. Like I’d caught him cheating or something. Please. Amber could have him and his sloppy kisses.

“Where you guys off to?” Mitch asked.

Chris shoved his hands in his pockets. “Headed to Ryan and Liam’s.”

Just hearing Liam’s name made my heart pound harder. Amber perked up too, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of Ryan or Liam. Maybe it was both. She pretty much just threw her net of sluttiness out there and took whatever she managed to snag.

“Sounds like fun,” she purred.

I rolled my eyes and headed for the door. I didn’t really care if they came or not, but I wasn’t waiting around for them to make up their minds.

The sidewalks were crowded when I stepped out into the hot South Carolina sun. It was mid-August and tourist season was winding down, but it wasn’t completely over just yet. Soon the days would get cooler; then there wouldn’t be nearly as many families clogging the streets on the weekends.

The others came out behind me and we headed down Calhoun Street, turning just before we got to Marion Square Park so we could head over to George Street, where Ryan and Liam’s apartment was. The park was filled with groups of college students, lounging and milling around, hanging out before the first day of classes. In my humble opinion it was way too hot to be outside unless you were at the beach. My skin was moist from the humidity after less than five minutes in the sun! So much for that fresh change of clothes.

When we got to the building, I pressed the intercom button and waited for Ryan to let us in. Amber smoothed her hands down her chest and I rolled my eyes. Oh, good Lord. Mitch couldn’t take his eyes off her tits. He would be into all that fake shit.

After a few seconds, Ryan’s voice came over the intercom. “Who’s there?”

Chris pushed the button and leaned in close. “Open the door, you ass.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ryan said; then the door clicked.

My heart went into overdrive the second Chris opened the door. All I could think about was Liam. The last time I’d been to the apartment, we had definitely left things open-ended. I wasn’t sure how serious he was about the whole thing, though. I was Ryan’s little sister, after all, and I was pretty sure there was some kind of bro code when it came to stuff like that.

Amber charged up the stairs, all thoughts of Mitch gone now that she had her sights on someone else. My gut told me it was Ryan, which was going to leave her disappointed. She was not his type. What about Liam, though? I didn’t know what his type was yet. All I knew about Liam was that I’d spent so much time building him up in my head since the day I met him, I seriously doubted he would be able to live up to the hype.

Mitch frowned and watched Amber bounce up the stairs. I was so excited to see Liam I was practically bouncing too, but I didn’t want to blow it by acting like a flirty teenager. Even if that’s exactly what I was.

“You lonely now?” I asked Mitch, batting my eyes playfully. It was over the top, but I had the sneaking suspicion he wouldn’t do subtle at that moment. Not the way his eyes were glued to Amber’s ass.

Mitch’s face lit up. “Do I look lonely?”

“Kind of. But there’s no reason to be when there’s a much more attractive alternative right in front of you.”

He laughed and Chris shot me a warning look. I ignored him. He wasn’t my brother—or my cousin—even though he forgot that most of the time. I swear, he was almost as overprotective as Ryan!

By the time we made it to the apartment, Mitch and I were flirting like crazy. It didn’t stop my heart from thumping when I saw Liam. Of course, his eyes were glued to Amber’s ample cleavage. Even though I had no real claim on the sexy Brit, it still made me want to scratch Amber’s eyes out.

“What’d I say last night, asshat?” Ryan yelled.

I almost jumped out of my skin, and it took me a second to realize Ryan was talking to Mitch. He was standing dangerously close to me.

“You can’t keep her from dating, man.” Mitch grinned and headed for the kitchen.

Dating? Since when did Mitch date? According to the stories I’d heard about him, never. Plus, I wasn’t interested in dating anyone right now, and what I was interested in doing had nothing to do with Mitch.

“Yeah, but I can keep her from getting screwed over by assholes,” Ryan muttered. He turned to Annie, who was sitting next to him on the couch, holding a beer. “You and Cami need to be careful. Guys like that are only after one thing. At least Liam’s honest about it.”

So Liam’s only after one thing, huh? Good to know, right, Julie?

I filed the information away for later and headed to the kitchen in search of my own beer. Mitch turned to face me, but his eyes never quite made it to my actual face. Ryan walked into the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks. He narrowed his eyes on Mitch in a way that made me feel like I was watching some documentary about predators on Animal Planet.

“Watch yourself,” Ryan said. He jerked the fridge open and grabbed two beers.

I was just reaching forward to get one for myself when Mitch said, “You know how ridiculous you sound, right?”

Ryan slammed the fridge, barely missing my fingers, and spun around to face Mitch. “She’s my sister and—”

“Your cousin,” I corrected. I wasn’t in the mood for the big brother bit. Especially not after he’d almost smashed my fingers to pieces in the refrigerator door.

Ryan inhaled slowly, but he didn’t take his eyes off Mitch. “I’m not kidding around.”

“I’m so scared.” Mitch rolled his eyes like he was six years old.

“Cut it out,” I snapped. “Ryan, you’re blocking the fridge and I’m dying of thirst over here.”

Ryan stomped out, but before I could go for a beer Mitch had the door open. He held the bottle out to me with a lopsided grin. “You wanted this.”

“You trying to get me drunk?” Of course I knew he was, but it didn’t stop me from taking the beer. It’s not like he was going to get anywhere just because he got me drunk. Please.

“Me? Never!” Mitch didn’t even try to keep the grin off his face.

I rolled my eyes, then headed back out to the living room. Not going to happen.

Annie was on the couch, smashed in between Ryan and Chris. Seeing her brought the list to mind and I had the sudden urge to do something crazy. Especially with Liam sitting right in front of me, looking all hot and sounding all British. His imitation sex hair was just as messy as the last time I’d seen him, and when he smiled in my direction, I got a glimpse of those perfectly imperfect teeth. His eyes glinted with trouble. I would gladly get into trouble with him. Lots and lots of trouble.

I could hardly take my eyes off Liam as I sat on the coffee table right in front of Annie. “So which one are we doing tonight?”

Annie’s face turned red and every guy in the room looked back and forth between the two of us. Liam was watching me carefully, and when our eyes met, he grinned. I knew exactly how that sounded, and the reaction I got out of him was perfect.

“What?” Ryan said between clenched teeth.

I made a big show of rolling my eyes, then waved my hand at him dismissively. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Well, now you have to spill,” Liam said, and I turned my entire body until I was facing him. His eyes held mine, and when his lips twitched, I wanted to get on my knees and thank God not only for making such a perfect human specimen, but also for sending him my way. “Because everyone in this room has very vivid pictures in their heads.”

“They better not,” Ryan muttered.

Liam’s expression darkened and he almost looked ashamed. Dammit! Why did Ryan have to be such a buzzkill all the time? Liam turned away and when I rolled my eyes, the irritation was real.

Everyone was waiting for a response, so I turned to Annie to see how she felt about it. Her cheeks were still flushed, but I didn’t think it was from embarrassment. She seemed a little buzzed, which would account for her shrugging like it was no big deal.

I took that as an A-okay.

“Annie and I have a few things we want to do before our freshman year is over, that’s all,” I said elusively, darting a look Liam’s way. “Things we’ve never done before.”

“Sounds fun,” Chris said. “Like what?”

“Well, some of them are personal.” I kept my eyes on Liam and arched an eyebrow. He leaned forward. Was it my imagination, or did he look a little excited by that? “And some are small things—like Annie getting her ears pierced today.”

“You didn’t have your ears pierced?” Amber was behind the couch, and she leaned over so her tits were right in Ryan’s face. She could smother a man with those things. “I have so many holes in my body, I’ve lost count.”

Was she serious? She left herself wide open for that one. “And they’re all very well used,” I said, just loud enough for her to hear.

Amber straightened up so fast her boobs bounced. I was shocked they didn’t knock her over. “Bitch, say that again.”

My hands clenched into fists and my face got about ten degrees hotter, but before I could do anything, Ryan was on his feet in front of me. “Hey! That’s enough, Amber.”

“I’m out of here.” Amber’s face puckered up so much she looked like one of those really wrinkly little dogs.

A satisfied smile curled up my lips, but it disappeared when Liam got to his feet and flashed Amber an adorable grin. “Going to a pub?”

“Yeah.” Amber’s irritation was gone in the blink of an eye. She leaned closer to Liam. Probably so he could see down her shirt even better.

Liam motioned toward the door. “Allow me to escort you. Wouldn’t want you to get lost.”

Every ounce of anger inside me melted away like the polar icecaps. Damn Amber and her ridiculous boobs. And damn Liam for thinking something so ridiculous was hot!

He opened the door and swept his arm dramatically toward the hall. Amber’s hips swayed as she walked past him, and his eyes stroked every curve of her body. I wanted to scream. Seriously? That was the kind of trash he was interested in? I couldn’t believe it. Talk about not living up to my expectations!

Liam turned and wiggled his eyebrows at Ryan. “I’ll punish her for you, mate.”

The door shut and Ryan grinned. He shook his head like he couldn’t believe that had just happened. “Son of a bitch.”

I tilted my beer up to my lips and gulped the rest down. So much for making any progress with Liam tonight.

“Back to this stuff you want to do,” Ryan said. “What kind of stuff?”

I worked on keeping my tone even as I waved my bottle through the air. “Oh you know. Things like get a guy’s number at a bar, get a tattoo, go skinny-dipping.”

Ryan shook his head like he thought I was the dumbest person in the world, but Chris sat up straighter. His eyes went over Annie. Geez, could you be any more obvious, you perv?

“We can take care of that skinny-dipping thing right now,” Mitch said. “You got a shower, right, Ryan?”

Ryan looked like he was on the verge of hitting Mitch. “That isn’t skinny-dipping.”

Mitch gave me a wink and I forced out a smile. “There’s water and your clothes are off. Close enough.”

Ryan’s face morphed into an angry shade of red, but Annie’s phone rang before he could say anything. She jumped up and pulled out her phone, but I wasn’t paying attention. This stupid thing with Amber was a setback for sure, but I wasn’t done going after Liam. Not by a long shot.

5

The first week of school was divided between classes and playing makeover with Annie, which kept my mind busy. I was having a good time, even though Annie wouldn’t let me go all-out, which was infuriating. She had assets with a capital A, and she refused to use them! I didn’t get it. I used my assets every chance I got. My boobs too.

Wednesday morning I was jogging down the street on my way to the stupid speech class the college required me to take—as if I don’t know how to talk—when I ran into Liam. Literally ran into him. I turned a corner and my face smacked into his chest. It felt like someone had hit me with a brick wall, and as I careened backward, I wondered briefly if they had moved the building. That was the only possible explanation for the solid structure I’d slammed into.

Arms went around me, stopping me from falling on my ass. Which was good, because it was one of my most prized possessions and I hated the idea of hurting it. I looked up and the sun was shining down around him; it took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to such blinding light. When they finally did, I was greeted with a gorgeous grin. Swoon!

“You all right?” he asked.

Liam’s arms were still around me, and it hit me that the brick wall I’d run into was him. His ripped, perfectly sculpted, worthy of an Abercrombie & Fitch ad body. Which was pressed up against me at that moment. I steadied my hands on his chest, and when he righted me, those very same muscles flexed under my palms.

Probably for the first time in my entire existence, I was tongue-tied. So I nodded. Like a bobblehead or a moron. Probably both!

Liam chuckled, but he didn’t let me go. “You seem a bit dazed.”

“Umm . . .” Yup. That was the only noise I managed to get out. I sounded like the village idiot. I tried to turn on the charm and find the flirty girl who usually possessed my body, but she seemed lost. Maybe I had killed her when I ran into Liam. What if she never came back?

“Running late?” Liam’s blue eyes narrowed on me like he thought I might have a concussion or something. It was a very good possibility.

“Yes.” Finally! A real word. I tried again, “Slept through my alarm, which is totally normal for me. I mean, how do they expect college students to get up this early anyway? They know we’re out late partying, right? As far as I’m concerned, there should be no classes before noon. That would give us all time to sleep and recover from the night before, and we’d be more attentive in class. I bet GPAs would go sky high too.”

I felt like patting myself on the back. It was a brilliant idea if I’d ever heard one.

Liam relaxed and flashed me a huge smile. “Out late with Mitch?”

“Mitch?” I was horrified when I felt my face scrunch up. I knew that look. I’d seen myself in the mirror when I made that look, and it was not pretty. Desperately, I tried to smooth out my features, but my body wouldn’t cooperate. Not with my brain still trying to process Liam’s comment.

“Yeah. I thought you two . . .” He shrugged, then shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, I won’t tell Ryan.”

I had no idea what he was talking about, but I knew I was sweating. And I was still making that hideous face. “You don’t have to keep anything from Ryan about Mitch. I mean, there’s nothing with Mitch. I just like to flirt, that’s all. It gets me a few drinks when I go out. Saves me money. The way I hear he likes to screw over girls, I feel like I’m doing a service to women everywhere.”

Now Liam looked confused. “I saw you chat him up when you got to the flat the other day. Thought something was going on, that’s all.”

Oh! The lightbulb in my head went off, and the pieces of the puzzle fell into place, along with a bunch of other clichés I had never really understood until that moment.

“Oh no, nothing like that. I’m a flirt. You should know that.” I smiled and that horrendous expression was finally off my face. “I think you and I spent a fair amount of time flirting with each other the day we met.”

Liam grinned an adorable grin that would probably make most girls blush and stutter, but not me. Oh no. All it did was make me even more determined. Liam would be mine. I now had a list of twenty things I wanted to accomplish before I turned twenty and all of them had to do with Liam.

“Very true,” he said.

“What about you?” I asked. “Did you have fun with Amber the other day?”

Liam rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled. “We went to a pub and got pissed, had a few laughs. But that’s about it.”

I couldn’t figure out what that meant. Had they slept together? I’d been at Ryan’s pretty late and Liam never came home, so they could have gone to her place. It was hard to say.

“She make you go home alone?” I said, trying to sound teasing instead of like I was fishing for information.

“She was up for it. But Amber’s always up for it, isn’t she?” Liam grinned and leaned closer. “Want to hear the truth?”

I nodded. Hell yes, I did.

“She’s a bit of a nutter. Especially when she’s pissed.” He shrugged. “She’s fun, but not exactly my type.”

It seemed like a total line, so I said, “That’s not what it looked like to me. Your eyes were sewn to her ass.”

“Didn’t say her arse wasn’t my type.” He flashed me a crooked smile.

I threw my head back and laughed, I couldn’t help it. Liam got points for honesty. “An ass man, huh?”

“Among other things.”

Liam’s eyes went over me and goose bumps popped up on every inch of my bare skin. Which was a lot. I mean, it was way too hot in Charleston to cover up. The sundress I wore had little straps and a nice V that dipped between my breasts. I’d been blessed with solid C cups and a tiny waist, a nice hourglass figure men really seemed to appreciate; and at that moment Liam was appreciating the hell out of it. I could practically feel his eyes caressing my curves.

Liam cleared his throat and glanced at his watch. “Should probably let you get to class.”

Class? Oh shit! I’d totally forgotten that I was on my way to class.

“Oh, yeah. I guess I need to get going,” I said hesitantly. I was already late and I hated the idea of walking away from Liam. “I mean, that’s where I was going. But it’s just speech, I can miss it, right?”

Liam grinned as if he thought it was the best idea he’d ever heard. “You’re already a brilliant talker.”

“That’s what I said!” I giggled. “It’s actually one of my favorite things to do, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“Oh, I noticed.” He flashed me those perfectly crooked teeth. “It’s adorable the way you babble whenever you’re excited.”

My eyebrows shot up. Adorable? There were a lot of things about me guys found cute, but the talking wasn’t usually one. They usually tried to shut me up by kissing me, which wasn’t always a bad thing. I did really like to hear myself talk, though. I just had so many important and interesting and intelligent things to say! Only I hadn’t really met a guy who appreciated that about me yet.

And Liam did . . .

That was unexpected.

“Why do you look confused?” he asked.

I shrugged and brushed the damp hair off the back of my neck. I’d started to sweat thanks to the wonderfully humid morning air. “I think most guys like a girl who wants to listen to them talk about themselves, that’s all.”

“Not me.” Liam looked at his watch again and frowned. “I have to head out.”

“You have class?”

He nodded, and when he looked up his blue eyes held mine. Before I could say anything else, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “What’s your mobile number?”

I blinked and a billion and one reactions went through my head. Like screaming with joy and throwing out a flirty response and doing a victory dance. I couldn’t believe he was asking for my number already. I mean, I knew I was adorable and spunky and fun, but I hadn’t dared to describe myself as irresistible quite yet.

I took his phone without responding, then pulled up his text messages and entered my number. My fingers flew across the screen as I typed, and by the time I hit SEND I was grinning from ear to ear. My own phone dinged in my back pocket. Now I had Liam’s number too.

Liam had a goofy smile on his face when he took the phone back. “ ‘Nice running into you.’ ” He looked up and chuckled. “Cute.”

“I like being original.” I headed for the building that housed my speech class, throwing over my shoulder as I went, “Thanks for saving my ass!”

It was five ’til three when I turned onto King Street. Beads of sweat had already formed along my hairline thanks to the humidity, but I picked up the pace anyway. I was running late—as usual. Typically, I didn’t care, but Dr. Houseman always gave me a disapproving look when I was late. Like he thought I was too busy participating in an orgy or something equally depraved to bother making it to his office on time.

I broke into a full sprint when the office came into view, practically shoving a woman out of the way who was too busy texting to notice I was in a rush. She stumbled toward the street and her head snapped up as I ran by.

“Watch it!” she snapped. The glare she shot me was hotter than the damn sun.

“Sorry!” I yelled, even though I wasn’t. I was a southerner, after all. Even if I thought she was a total moron who deserved to be shoved for standing in the middle of a busy sidewalk texting, I had an obligation to be polite.

My mama raised me right.

I shoved the glass door open and stumbled inside. The icy air swept over me, cooling me down but leaving my skin sticky. My shirt clung to my back and my armpits were moist, and don’t even get me started on how disgustingly damp my bra was. Then there were the unmentionable areas . . . Yeah, sometimes living in the south sucked.

The waiting room was empty and music that reminded me of my grandma played through the overhead speakers, just quiet enough that I couldn’t quite catch the words. Jeannie, Dr. Houseman’s receptionist, looked up from the dog-eared paperback she was reading. Her whole face turned down when she frowned. Just like every other week, I couldn’t stop from thinking how much she would benefit from a facelift. Or at least a few rounds of Botox.

“You’re late,” she snapped.

I glanced at the clock mounted on the wall above her head. The big hand was a quarter of an inch past the twelve.

“Sorry. I had class.”

It was a total lie. I’d been back in my room doing some online shopping and the time had gotten away from me. I really needed to learn how to set an alarm. This was getting ridiculous.

Jeannie’s black, penciled-on eyebrows shot up and she pressed her lips into a tight line. She didn’t believe me. Probably because I was late almost every week, and I always had an excuse. When I lived at home it was easy. The traffic was bad, I got stuck behind a buggy tour going through downtown. I couldn’t find a space in the parking garage. There were a lot of them.

“Dr. Houseman is waiting for you.”

She went back to her paperback and I tried to get a good look at it as I went by her desk. Just like I thought, it was one of those trashy romance novels. I’m pretty sure Fabio was on the cover of this one, which made it really hard to hold in my giggle. She loved her mommy porn more than anyone I’d ever met.

Dr. Houseman was sitting in his leather chair when I walked into his office. His head was back and his eyes were closed. He had his iPad in his lap and his hands were folded neatly over it.

He didn’t even look up when he said, “How’s the first week of school going, Cami?”

I gnawed on my bottom lip as I lowered myself onto the leather couch in front of him. I’d expected him to tell me I was late—as if I didn’t know—so it took me a few seconds to recover. Plus, his office was pretty much the only place on Earth where I had a difficult time forcing myself to talk.

“Um . . . It’s good. I’m having fun.”

Dr. Houseman opened his eyes, but he didn’t seem particularly angry with me. More concerned, really. “You’re holding up okay?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged and shifted on the couch. The leather was cool against my skin and my bare legs felt like they were covered in a layer of glue that was slowly drying, trapping me against the couch. “Are you afraid I’m going to have a nervous breakdown or something?”

Dr. Houseman shook his head and turned his iPad on. When the screen lit it up, the image of his grandkids reflected in his glasses. Three little girls, all redheads. The office was covered in their pictures.

When he looked up, their smiling faces still reflected off his lenses. “Have you been writing in your journal?”

“Every day.”

“Did you bring it with you?”

“Do you want to read it?” I stuck my hand in my bag like I was ready to pull it out. He would say no, but I always went through the motions. Even when I forgot to bring it with me I asked him.

“No. That’s between you and Julie.”

As if she would ever read it.

Sometimes I felt like this whole thing was a waste of time. But it made Mama happy. She’d caught me talking to Julie a couple months after the accident and it had really freaked her out. That’s when I started coming to see Dr. Houseman. I tried to tell my parents I wasn’t crazy. It’s not like I thought Julie was talking to me or even that she could hear me. I just missed her and it helped me somehow. But I couldn’t really blame Mama for being scared, not after everything she’d gone through with Ryan’s mom.

“Has the journal helped at all?” Dr. Houseman asked.

I shrugged and picked at a loose string on my purse. I should buy a new one. “I guess. I mean, I don’t talk to her out loud anymore, really. I want to write her the letters, even if I know she’ll never see them.”

“Because you still feel like you owe her something?”

“Yeah.”

Dr. Houseman just stared at me, waiting for me to say more. I didn’t really know what he wanted when we got to this part. Was he waiting for me to finally tell him I’d forgiven myself? That I didn’t feel like I needed to live just as much for Julie as I did for myself? That wasn’t going to happen, at least not any time soon.

“I do owe her,” I finally said.

Dr. Houseman typed on his iPad. Writing something in the notes about our sessions. I wish I could see what he had to say about me. That way I’d know if he thought I was crazy or not.

He looked up, but kept his expression blank. He was good at that. “What have you done for Julie this week?”

My cheeks got warm and I squirmed even more. I was there to tell the truth and I knew anything I told him stayed in the room. Dr. Houseman wasn’t going to run off and tell my parents what I said or anything. But it still wasn’t easy to admit.

“Not much . . .” I looked down at my hands. “I flirted with a couple guys. Ryan’s friends. I made out with this one guy in the bathroom of a restaurant.”

“Do you like him?”

I raised my head and met Dr. Houseman’s gaze. He knew I didn’t or he wouldn’t be asking. “Not really. I mean, he’s kind of good-looking, but he’s also kind of an asshole. Ryan would be super pissed if he knew I made out with Mitch.”

“So why did you do it? If this guy is such a jerk”—he raised his eyebrows to accentuate the fact that he hadn’t cussed, and I found myself smiling—“and your cousin doesn’t like him. What made you do it?”

“I felt like Julie would be proud of me.”

“Then you wrote her a letter about it?”

I nodded.

“Did you feel good about yourself when you wrote the letter?”

I took a deep breath and stared at Dr. Houseman while I tried to figure out how to respond. “It’s hard to say. I don’t really feel good about myself any time I write Julie a letter. Or when I talk to her.”

“Do you think it’s from the guilt, or is there something else to it?”

I didn’t have a freaking clue.

I wasn’t sure if my little flirting session with Liam had worked until Thursday. Annie and I went out to get our hair done, and since my hair was way shorter than hers, I was finished in record time. I opted for some red streaks that really popped. It kind of made me feel like a rock star, which would have been awesome.

While I waited for Annie, I admired my reflection, rocking out to a tune of my own making as I imagined hundreds of cheering fans. Hundreds? No. Thousands!

My phone rang right in the middle of an epic sob. I would have ignored it, but when I pulled it out, Liam’s name was on the screen. I’ll be honest, I almost screamed like one of the fans I had conjured up.

I took a deep breath as I slid my finger across the screen to answer the call. “Liam,” I purred. “I didn’t expect to hear from you for a couple more days. Isn’t there some rule all men are required to follow, saying you can’t call for three days after you get a girl’s number?”

Liam chuckled, and the sound was so smooth it reminded me of silk. “There is, but there are also exceptions to that rule. Like calling about a time-sensitive event.”

“Time-sensitive, how?”

“Beach party my frat is having this weekend for rush week.”

“Party?” I immediately went into full-on Cami mode, doing a little dance in the middle of the store. If he could have seen me, I was certain he would be running for the hills.

“Yeah. Thought you and your roommate could come with Ryan and Chris.”

If Ryan and Chris were going, there was absolutely no reason for Liam to call me, which made me stomp my feet even faster. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Be sure to look for me. Wouldn’t want to miss you.”

My heart hammered in my chest and I swallowed. I wanted to scream, but I managed to swallow down my enthusiasm and keep my voice level. “I wouldn’t even think about leaving the party without seeing you.”

We hung up and I bounced around on the balls of my feet. I was still jumping up and down when Annie came out, and I was so excited I couldn’t even be angry with her for barely changing her hair.

6

The beach house was huge and gorgeous, and the beach was literally right in the backyard. It was one of those houses you pass and wonder how the hell anyone could possibly afford it. But when we stepped inside, all I could focus on was finding Liam in the crowd. He had invited me, and even though it wasn’t really a date, I wanted to be sure I took full advantage of the situation.

The room was already crowded with college students, all eager to get as much drinking time in as possible. Ryan and Chris pushed their way through the crowd in search of the kegs, and Annie stepped closer to me like she was afraid the crowd would swallow her whole. I couldn’t stop scanning the room, but Liam was nowhere to be seen.

By the time the guys came back with red Solo cups, I had given up for the moment. I knew Liam had to be around, but I was too short to be able to get a really good look over the crowd. So I took the cup Ryan held out to me and bopped to the music like I didn’t have a care in the world. Really, though, I was already plotting a sweep of the room.

“Let’s take a walk,” I said, not to anyone in particular. “See what’s going on.”

No one argued, so I headed out. I had to nudge my way past girls in skimpy dresses wearing too much makeup and three-inch heels. I’d dressed Annie in a sensible jean skirt, but my own dress was just as form-fitting as the girls I passed, most of whom were grinding against already intoxicated frat guys. It was early, but already a few couples looked like they were on the way to having sex right there in the middle of the house. I doubted anyone would even try to stop them.

We reached the other side of the house and found a room with a pool table in the center. A game was already in progress, and Liam stood with his back to me, clutching his pool cue. He reminded me of a knight who was ready to jump on his horse and enter a jousting tournament. He’d look super hot in a suit of armor too.

I stopped in my tracks and Annie almost plowed into me. Ryan and Chris kept moving. My cousin patted Liam on the back and he turned. I couldn’t hear what they were saying over the roar of the crowd and the music pulsing through the house, but it made Liam throw his head back and laugh. He tilted his head toward the pool table and handed his cue stick to Ryan, then turned toward me. My whole body buzzed when his eyes met mine.

Liam’s mouth turned up and he winked. He held up one finger in my direction, then turned back to the guys. My heart pounded while I waited for him to say something to Ryan. When Liam was done, he headed my way. His gaze moved down my body, making my skin flush in an intoxicating way. I could get used to him caressing me with his eyes like that.

He stopped in front of us and his eyes moved to my right. “Annie.”

I blinked and followed his gaze. Annie stood there clutching her red cup so tightly the cheap plastic looked ready to crack. I’d forgotten she was there.

When I turned back to Liam, he was studying me again. “Glad you came.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t?”

He shook his head and stepped closer to me. “I knew you couldn’t stay away.”

He was so close I could feel his body heat even over the swell of the crowd at my back. My pulse picked up and Liam leaned down, putting his lips to my ear. His warm breath brushed against my face and sent a shiver down my spine. “I have some things to do for rush right now, but maybe later I can give you a tour of the house?”

I nodded and bit down on my bottom lip. When he leaned back, he stopped within an inch of my face and his eyes went straight to my mouth. The grin he gave me was sexy and devilish and suggestive all at once. I wanted to suck the smile off his face.

He headed through the crowd without saying anything else, and Annie shot me a confused look. “What was that about?”

I shrugged and took a big gulp of my beer. “Liam’s a flirt.”

Annie called out to me, but between the music thumping through the air and the people around us talking, I couldn’t hear her. I shook my head and she leaned closer.

“My feet hurt!”

My frown deepened. Was she serious? We’d only been at the party for a few hours. It was only a little after ten and there was no way I was ready to leave. I could have gone all night, which I figured was the perfect opportunity to knock an item off Annie’s list. Plus, I hadn’t gotten my tour from Liam yet, which I was pretty sure was just code for sex.

“You’re not ready to go home, are you? I thought we could work on number eleven!” I yelled back. She looked like she didn’t have a clue what I was talking about, so I stood on my tiptoes and yelled. “Stay out all night!”

Just then, I caught sight of Liam on the other side of the room and my heart jumped in anticipation. Damn, he looked hot. He scanned the room like he was looking for someone. Me, maybe? His eyes met mine, and even from across the room his smile made me weak in the knees.

Annie said something, but I couldn’t really hear her. I was pretty sure she’d said she wanted to rest. Whatever that meant. I couldn’t imagine going to a frat party and resting. Sometimes I worried Annie was a lost cause.

Liam held up two drinks and tilted his head like he wanted me to follow him. He didn’t have to ask me twice. Or once, for that matter.

Annie grabbed my arm when I took a step toward Liam. “Cami, you know what Ryan said about him.”

Ugh. Ryan was not my boss.

I brushed her off and took another step, but stopped. I didn’t want her to mention this to Ryan, though. Sure, he wasn’t in charge of what I did, but he could be a huge pain in the ass when he thought I was about to screw up.

I turned to face Annie and gave her my most serious and adult look. “Don’t tell him, okay? You have your list and I have mine.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “What’s on your list?”

“Liam.” I giggled just thinking about it.

“Cami.” Annie’s tone reminded me of Ryan. Geez, those two would be perfect together.

I flashed her a smile and shrugged like it was no big deal. Which it wasn’t. I knew what I was getting into, but it seemed worth it. I mean, Liam was hot. “I know he’s not looking for a relationship and I’m cool with that. Just this once, Annie. I promise.” Then a few times after that . . .

She sighed, but I could tell she was giving in. She wouldn’t mention it to Ryan. “Be safe.”

I grinned and spun around. Liam was still waiting for me, thank God! “I will!” I yelled over my shoulder as I pushed my way through the crowd.

The room was packed so full it had to be a fire hazard. Not that I was complaining. There were few things in life that gave me a thrill the way a good party did, and this was an amazing one. Liam’s frat had gone all-out, even getting a DJ. The kegs were never-ending and the guys were hot. The house was worth more money than most of us would see in our entire lives. Who owned it, I didn’t have a clue. I was just happy they’d let us use it.

Here I go, Julie! I’m off to have a romp in the sack with a really sexy British guy. I bet that’s one thing even you never thought of, right? I’ll be sure to give you all the juicy details. I can’t wait!

I shoved my way through the sweaty bodies until I was standing in front of Liam. He handed me a beer and leaned in close. So close his lips brushed my ear when he said, “Fancy a tour?”

When he pulled back, I smiled. “Of course.”

He took my hand and led me toward the stairs. Even they were packed full of people, so we had to nudge our way through. The second floor was quieter than the first, but all the doors were shut. I had a sneaking suspicion naked bodies lurked behind those closed doors.

“Who owns this place?” I asked as he led me down the hall.

“Uncle of my mate. He’s in our frat, and his uncle is always on the road. Said we could use it as long as we had the place cleaned after.”

“And washed the sheets,” I muttered.

Liam chuckled and glanced over his shoulder at me. “You sound a tad jealous.”

I pressed my lips together and eyed him. I couldn’t tell if he was teasing me or flirting or fishing for information. “I’m not going to lie, it’s been a while. I may not be a guy, but I have needs too.”

Liam laughed and stopped outside a closed door. He slid his hand into his pocket, and when he pulled it out, he held up a key. “They’re all locked.”

“All of them?” I looked back at the doors we’d passed. The place had to have at least six bedrooms, but they were all empty. And Liam seemed to have the key.

He unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Part of the agreement.”

“I see . . .” I stepped inside while my mind swam with this new bit of information.

The room was dark, but moonlight shone through the windows on the other side of the room. They took up almost the entire wall, just like downstairs, and in the distance the sparkling waters of the ocean were visible. There were also a set of French doors leading out onto a balcony. The door clicked behind me and Liam flipped on the lights. The room was huge, probably three times the size of my own bedroom back home. In the center sat a massive king-size bed made of dark, ornate wood.

I turned to face Liam and gave him a questioning look. “I thought we were going on a tour?”

He motioned across the room. “Wanted to show you the view.”

Sure...

“Okay.” I turned and headed toward the wall of windows. I was going to call his bluff. There was no way in hell he brought me to this bedroom just to show me the ocean. I’d seen the ocean. A lot.

I threw open the French doors before Liam was halfway across the room. The warm ocean breeze swept across my face and I walked out until I could lean against the rail. The music from the party below pulsed through the air, but the roar of the waves was even louder.

Liam stopped next to me and leaned his hip against the rail so his body was facing mine, but he stared at the water below. “Spent last spring break here.”

I turned away from the ocean and focused on his face. “In this room?”

He nodded. “Couldn’t go home and I didn’t have the money to head down to Florida with the rest of my mates. The dorms were closed.” He shrugged as if that somehow explained how he’d ended up staying in this mansion on the beach. It didn’t, not by a long shot.

He looked so adorable and vulnerable that I couldn’t keep myself from stepping closer. His eyes met mine and he smiled. I knew he was attracted to me and I expected him to make his move, but he didn’t. I wasn’t sure why. Hadn’t Ryan said Liam was only after one thing?

I raised myself up on the tips of my toes and pressed my lips against his. He made a small sound that was halfway between a groan and a grunt, then grabbed my arms. For a brief second it felt like he was going to push me away. Then I traced my tongue across his bottom lip, and he pulled me closer. He ran his hands down my arms and over my back as his mouth moved over mine. There was a rough edge to the kiss that made my insides quiver with desire.

After only a few seconds, though, he pulled away and stared down at me. He didn’t smile and there was uncertainty in his eyes, as if he wasn’t sure how we’d ended up where we were, which was insane because he’d brought me here. Then he ran his thumb across my bottom lip and grinned as his blue eyes swept over my face.

“Ryan’s not going to like this,” he whispered. He didn’t look like he really cared, though. He looked more like he was considering devouring me whole.

“Don’t talk about him,” I whispered.

He traced his thumb across my lip again. “What should we talk about?”

“Nothing.”

I stood on my toes and pressed my lips to his once again. Liam’s hands were still on my face, and he slid one around to grip the back of my neck. His lips were hot against mine, and when his mouth opened, I followed his lead. Our tongues tangled together as his lips moved against mine. He tasted like beer and salt, with just a hint of tequila.

Liam twisted his hand in my hair, pulling slightly, and I gasped into his mouth. His lips moved faster, crushed harder on mine. He pulled me to him and my breasts pressed against his chest.

After a few seconds he began to walk, moving us into the bedroom as we kissed. I was so much shorter that I had a hard time keeping up. I had to walk on the very tips of my toes. He stopped and slid his hands down, grabbing my ass, lifting me until I could wrap my legs around his waist, then he carried me across the room. Right to the massive bed that seemed to be calling our names.

My heart was pounding by the time he dropped me on the bed. I landed on my back, bouncing on the soft mattress as Liam stood over me, staring down like he couldn’t wait to dive in. Then he lowered himself next to me. Pulled me closer. Covered my mouth with his as he draped his body over mine. His mouth moved so fast I had a hard time catching my breath. My mind was dizzy with want and desire, and my body hummed at his closeness. Being with him was better than I’d expected. More intoxicating.

Liam ran his hand down my side, tracing the valley just above my hip, then moving up and over. Down to my thigh. When his fingers brushed bare skin, a shiver of pleasure shook my body. His mouth didn’t slow on mine as he rolled me onto my back. His teeth nipped at my lip and his hand moved under my skirt, nudging my legs apart. My body throbbed as his fingertips tickled their way up my inner thigh. The higher he got, the more heat spread through me. I wiggled under him, but he took his time. Teasing me. His fingers traced up one thigh, then went to the other, coming close to the throbbing center of my body but never touching me. He took it slow, which was something I’d never experienced before. Guys didn’t usually take the time to just be with me. To kiss me and touch me and please me. In my experience, sex had always been like a sprint to the finish line. But not with Liam.

Liam’s lips moved down my neck and chest, then back up. It felt like he wanted to memorize the feel of me under him, the way his hands and lips swept over me. The way he traced my curves. The anticipation was hotter than anything I’d ever experienced.

When his hand finally cupped me through my lace thong, I let out a moan so loud I almost felt embarrassed. Almost. His mouth moved back to mine as his palm rubbed me. I writhed under him, silently begging for more. He didn’t give it to me, though. Didn’t try to take my clothes off or move faster. It drove me wild.

“Liam,” I gasped against his lips. “Touch me.”

He nipped at my bottom lip and his hand moved faster. “I am.”

I pressed my body against his hand as the need inside me coiled tighter. My body ached for more. I wanted our clothes off. Wanted to feel Liam’s skin against mine. Wanted his fingers to stroke me until I screamed.

I shook my head, but no words would come out. So I grabbed his wrist and tried to get him to understand, tried to guide his hand where I wanted it to go. He didn’t stop what he was doing, and within seconds I didn’t want him to. The tension inside me built and tightened and knotted until I was nothing but a giant ball of anticipation. Then Liam hit a spot that made it all come unraveled. My body shook and trembled, and I let out a strangled cry that might have been his name.

My heart was pounding so hard I found it difficult to breathe. It had been amazing. So amazing I wanted to rip Liam’s clothes off and tear mine to shreds. To have our limbs tangled together.

I gripped his face between my hands and pulled his lips back to mine. Our mouths met as his fingers fumbled with the zipper on my dress. I rolled onto my side, hoping to give him easier access. When he had the zipper partway down, he moved his lips to my chest. His tongue ran across the top of my breasts as he slid the zipper down the rest of the way. Then he eased my dress down, cupping my right breast. When his thumb moved across my nipple, my eyes rolled back in my head.

Without warning, the bedroom door opened and the sound of drunken giggles filled the room. My eyes flew open and Liam pulled my dress up, covering my breasts. He bolted upright, but I couldn’t move. My heart pounded against my rib cage as I stared up at the ceiling.

“What the bloody hell, Drew?” Liam said, climbing to his feet. “You know the bedrooms are off limits! If you want to shag your girl, you take her home. Got it?”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry, man.” There was a pause and the girl with Drew whined a little. Then Drew said, “Hey, Liam, is that Ryan’s little sister?”

“Cousin,” Liam snapped.

Drew laughed. “Whatever, man. Nice job.”

The door shut and Liam swore, then turned back to me. I hadn’t moved a muscle. My body felt like it was made of jelly and I couldn’t catch my breath and my heart was going faster than a jet plane. I doubted I could have gotten up even if I tried.

Liam didn’t make a move to come back over to me, and after a few seconds he said, “We should head back out to the party.”

I blinked. There was no way in hell I’d heard him right. I was more turned on than I ever had been in my entire life, and this guy was going to walk away? Oh, hell no.

“Excuse me?” I said, rolling over to face him.

Liam shuffled his feet and glanced toward the door. “Ryan is going to notice we’re both missing.”

“Umm . . .” There were so many things I wanted to say swirling around in my head that they all got clogged on the way out, leaving me speechless. I was pretty sure I was going to have to call a plumber if I ever wanted to talk again.

Finally, after what felt like an hour of silence, I said, “I thought you were only after one thing?”

“Who says I’m not? I’m just not a wanker.”

“Okay . . .” I couldn’t figure out exactly what he was thinking, or how to respond.

Liam let out a deep breath, then took a step back, like he was afraid to be too close to me. “Bollocks. Why do you sound confused?”

“Because I am. I’m here and I’m willing, so I don’t see the problem.”

“Ryan’s my mate, Cami.” He shook his head, then walked toward me. “Can’t do that to him.”

Liam grabbed my hand and hauled me to my feet. My zipper was about halfway down, so he pulled it back up. Ugh! I had really expected him to take my clothes off, not put them on. Had I found my way into some kind of alternate universe? Or maybe I’d lost my touch. I had really thought Liam would be an easy thing to mark off my list. Easy was his distinguishing personality trait, after all.

“I have a sister too,” he finally said, as if that would in any way make me understand where he was coming from.

“Um, Liam. You do know there’s a good chance all those other girls you’ve fooled around with have brothers too, right?”

Liam blinked and stared at me like I’d sprouted wings. It was as if he’d really never thought of it that way before and I’d just given him some kind of epiphany.

He ran his hand through his sex hair—not imitation anymore—and shook his head. “Shit.”

Shit was right.

Liam exhaled, and he wouldn’t stop shaking his head. “Let’s head back to the party.”

I couldn’t argue. Even though I was still incredibly turned on, the mood had passed. Things felt off and confused after the sister comment, and it was clear from the look on Liam’s face, I wasn’t going to be able to change his mind. Better to just let it go and try again later.

We headed downstairs and Liam grabbed us another couple drinks while I searched the room for Annie. The more I thought about Liam and what had just happened in that bed, the more my body heated up.

I still hadn’t found Annie by the time Liam came back with my drink, and it was halfway gone when I finally spotted Chris wandering around the room. He looked kind of lost and I figured he was looking for Annie too, so I flagged him down. Chris shoved his way through the crowd and headed our way.

Liam stayed glued to my side, which I saw as a good sign. Guess he wasn’t too freaked out that Ryan was my brother or cousin or whatever.

“Have you seen Annie?” I asked Chris when he stopped in front of us.

He shook his head and pointed to the back of the house. “I saw Ryan head out to the beach. Maybe she’s with him?”

I’d searched the whole house already, so unless she’d snuck off to get busy with a drunk frat guy, she wasn’t inside. The beach seemed like the next logical place to look. “Let’s check it out. She sure as hell isn’t in here.”

We headed toward the back of the house, and by the time I got there my cup was empty. My head was feeling pretty light too, like it was full of helium or not quite attached to my body. Despite the setback with Liam, I was having an awesome time.

When we stepped outside, the air felt warm and sticky with humidity, but the ocean breeze was cool. I tore my shoes off at the bottom of the stairs, then stepped onto the beach. The sand swirled between my toes when I wiggled them. It was a nice feeling. Like being young and free.

We walked toward the water, but no one was around. I looked to the right, trying to catch sight of Ryan in the distance, then to the left. As far as I could tell, no one was on the beach.

“What the bloody hell?” Liam said behind me.

I turned to find him holding up a shirt and recognized it immediately. It was Annie’s. On the ground were other things: shoes and pants, and a bra. I spun toward the ocean and let out a laugh that rang through the air. The light from the moon shimmered off the water as the waves rolled in, and I could just make out two figures in the distance.

Number eight: skinny-dipping.

How do you like that, Julie? I didn’t get anywhere with Liam, but I can still strip down and go skinny-dipping in the ocean. That’s something we always joked about, isn’t it? Too bad you aren’t here to enjoy it with me.

“Annie!” I yelled, pulling my dress over my head.

“Cami!” Chris snapped and stepped forward like he was going to stop me from taking anything else off.

Liam grabbed his arm. “Back off, mate. She’s a big girl.” He was grinning from ear to ear.

I called out to Annie again just as Liam dropped his pants. He pulled his shirt over his head and I giggled like I was a thirteen-year-old boy who had just heard someone use the word boner. Liam’s muscled chest was highlighted by the moon above us. Even though I knew he was toned because I had plowed into him only a few days earlier, I still couldn’t help the flush that came over my body. Then he dropped his boxers onto the sand and I was able to appreciate the full package. Literally.

I followed Liam’s lead, and even though Chris hadn’t been up for it at first, he did too. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that Annie was out there naked.

Liam and I took off toward the ocean just as someone behind us yelled, “Skinny-dipping!” I looked over my shoulder and laughed. A handful of people were busy stripping down, and more were pouring out of the house behind them.

The salty sea stung my skin when I ran in and it was warmer than bathwater. The waves crashed against my legs, almost knocking me down, but Liam grabbed my hand before I could fall. The moon reflected in his blue eyes when he looked me over, savoring the sight of me as if I were an exquisite work of art.

The water rose to the point where I could swim, so I let go of Liam’s hand and pulled myself through the waves toward Ryan and Annie. When I swam up, she was laughing. The water was too deep for me to be able to touch the ocean floor, and I briefly considered hanging onto Liam. But I decided it was a very bad idea with Ryan standing right in front of us, and wrapped my arms around Annie’s neck instead. Liam kept his distance like he was afraid if he got too close, Ryan would be able to read his mind and know what we’d just done.

“What are you guys doing?” I asked my cousin and roommate. If it had been anyone else, I would have assumed they were up to something naughty. Why else would two people go skinny-dipping in the middle of the night?

Ryan didn’t look my way, but he was smiling. “Just getting some things out of the way.”

“What? Like your clothes?” Chris said, coming up to join us and looking right at Annie.

Annie shivered like she was cold, which was just crazy. The night was warm and the ocean felt like a heated pool this time of year. I pulled myself closer to her just in case, and my breasts rubbed against her arm. Even in the moonlight I could see her blush.

Liam elbowed Chris and jerked his head my way. “I’m gonna be dreaming about that tonight, mate.”

“You’re about two seconds from getting your ass kicked,” Ryan muttered. “You think I don’t know what you were up to in there with my cousin?”

My eyes snapped his way. Did Annie tell him? No. I couldn’t believe she would do that to me. Ryan probably just figured it out. Oddly enough, he didn’t sound very mad. Not nearly as mad as I’d thought he would be.

Liam flashed a sexy grin and even in the darkness his eyes seemed to sparkle. “She’s a wild one.”

He threw himself behind Annie and me just as Ryan made a jump for him.

“I’m gonna kick your ass,” my cousin growled.

Liam took off and Ryan dove after him. I wasn’t really sure what he thought he was doing, though. Was Ryan going to tackle Liam? If so, he’d be in for a shock.

“You’re not thinking straight!” I yelled after them. “He’s naked.”

Ryan didn’t stop, so I let go of Annie’s neck and swam their way. Liam was laughing as he pulled himself through the waves, and Ryan was hot on his trail. By the time I caught up with them, the guys were in the middle of a water fight. They were acting like two little boys instead of college sophomores. I splashed my cousin in the face while I treaded water. Without Annie, I was going to have to rely on Liam or Ryan. No way was I going to let my cousin’s naked body touch mine. Gross.

I wrapped my arms around Liam’s neck just like I had with Annie a few minutes before. Liam grinned when my breasts brushed against his arm, and heat spread through my body all over again. The water fight came to an abrupt end. Ryan glared at Liam like he was hoping Jaws would show up and take a big old bite out of him. I needed to lay down the law if I wanted Liam to take the next step.

I rolled my eyes at my cousin. “Calm down. First of all, I’m an adult and perfectly capable of making my own choices.” Ryan snorted, but I ignored him. “Secondly, nothing happened. This is just ridiculous! Let me be a teenager and make stupid decisions and throw myself at hot foreigners who are only after one thing. You wouldn’t be acting this way if Annie was the one throwing herself at Liam.”

Ryan’s eyes got big and he turned to face Annie and Chris. They were a few feet away from us, and standing very close to each other. It looked like they were on the verge of their first kiss. My heart pounded so hard you’d think I was the one about to get kissed. I had the urge to do a cheer. Annie was about to mark another item off her list!

“I should splash them,” Ryan muttered. He almost sounded like he was talking to himself.

“Absolutely, mate.” Liam untangled my arms from his neck and dove toward Annie and Chris. Ryan followed.

“Guys,” I hissed, but they didn’t even pause. “Don’t do it! Leave them alone!”

They didn’t listen, of course. Liam went first, and the wave he made ended up slapping Annie right in the face. She coughed and sputtered, but before she could recover Ryan and Liam both went to work on it, making saltwater rain down on the pair. Chris let out a few colorful words, then dove after Liam. Thankfully, Annie was grinning.

I swam over and wrapped my arms around Annie’s neck once again. “I told them not to do it.”

“Them?” she said, her gaze trained on the guys.

“Liam and Ryan.” I rolled my eyes as Ryan and Liam swam farther into the ocean to get away from Chris. Seriously, these guys were idiots. “They think they’re pretty funny.”

She stared after the guys for a few seconds, but she didn’t look too disappointed about the missed opportunity. Briefly, I wondered if she and Chris had already kissed when our backs were to them. It didn’t seem like it, though. I was pretty sure she would have told me. Maybe she just wasn’t ready.

“Let’s get dressed while they’re busy,” Annie said, suddenly taking off toward the beach.

I kept my arms around her until my feet hit the ground, then ran through the waves to the sand. Getting dressed hadn’t been my idea, but it seemed like the way to go. While I had no issue with Liam seeing me naked—and if it were up to me, I’d toss his clothes out for good—I didn’t love the idea of being naked in front of Ryan. It was weird and creepy.

The saltwater had left a sticky film on my skin, and my clothes were covered in sand. When I pulled my dress on, every little grain stuck to me. I shook out my skirt, then shoved my underwear in my pocket. No way was I putting those on when they were covered in sand. Talk about chafing in a sensitive area. It would probably feel like wearing underwear made of sandpaper.

By the time Liam was heading my way, I was dressed. I’m sure Ryan and Chris were with him, but I had tunnel vision. All I could focus on was Liam in all his naked glory. Water beaded on his pale skin and ran down the curves of his muscled abs. I had the almost uncontrollable urge to lick them off.

“Did you and Liam have fun?” Annie asked, just as I was thinking about running my tongue down Liam’s chest and over his stomach.

“Boy, did we. He may be a man-whore, but he sure knows what he’s doing.” My knees wobbled just thinking about it.

Liam pulled his pants on and I let out a sigh. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to wear clothes. It seemed like a crime against nature to cover all that up.

“What now?” Ryan asked. “We’re staying out all night, right?”

Sadly, Liam pulled his shirt on too. His eyes met mine. He winked, and the look sent fire shooting through me.

I scooped my bra up off the ground and swung it over my head. “Hell yeah, we are!”

Liam’s smile got bigger. He scooped me off the ground, then tossed me over his shoulder. I screamed and banged my fists against his back as he took off down the beach. He smacked me on the ass, then chuckled when I yelped. It was surprisingly hot. I wiggled against his shoulder, hoping he’d get the point and do it again. Any excuse to have his hands on me.

From out of nowhere, Annie jumped up and tackled Liam like she thought we were in the NFL. Liam grunted and went down, taking me with him. My skirt was practically up around my waist when I landed on top of Annie, and I had a hard time getting it down. It didn’t help that my whole body was shaking with laughter.

“I think I broke something,” I said between laughs.

Annie groaned under me. “I think you’re breaking me right now.”

She shoved me off her and I rolled right into Liam, who was stretched out on the sand at my side, grinning my way and looking totally sexy and relaxed. Now that my skirt was back in place, I was able to return his smile.

Chris and Ryan jogged up to join us, and Liam’s smile faltered just a bit. He grabbed my hand and stood, pulling me up with him, then away from the group.

“Let’s check out the pier,” he said.

I didn’t look back as Liam led me away. The moon was out and the pier was just visible in the distance. My skin was still sticky and I was covered in sand that scratched me with every step I took, but all I could think about was kissing Liam again. On the beach, under the full moon. It sounded so romantic.

Liam dropped my hand and wiped his damp forehead. “Don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this humidity.”

“What’s the weather like in England?”

“Wet and cool,” he said, glancing my way. It was too dark to get a good look at him, but even in the moonlight his eyes twinkled.

“It doesn’t ever get warm?”

He chuckled and nudged me. “Warm, yes. Like a bloody oven, no.”

I laughed and kicked my foot through the sand. It sent hundreds of tiny grains flying. “Why’d you come to Charleston anyway? It seems like a pretty long distance to go for a degree.”

Liam looked away from me for the first time, then shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “It’s a long story.”

“Well, I’m a good listener. I mean, I try hard to be. Although, I do tend to drift off. Sometimes I get so focused on what I want to say next, I forget I’m supposed to be listening. I get easily distracted by everything else going on in here.” I tapped the side of my head, then shook it. “Scratch that, I’m not a good listener.”

Liam chuckled and glanced toward me again. I loved the way he looked at me. Like he really saw me. “I like that about you. You know how to fill the silence and make it interesting.”

Funny thing was, I actually believed him. That was definitely a first. Usually guys pretended to be okay with it, but eventually got frustrated that they couldn’t get a word in. Interesting fact about guys: they actually like to talk about themselves!

“I do like this, though.” Liam waved his hand toward the waves, lapping against the sand.

I couldn’t disagree. The beach was one of my favorite places to be.

“I love living in Charleston. I can’t imagine going anywhere else in the world,” I said, looking toward the dark ocean. “What about you? Will you go back to England when you’re done with college, or will you stay here? You should stay. I mean, with that accent you can get laid any time you want here. In England you’re just another guy. Not special in the least.”

“I’m not special? I beg your pardon, but I am a stand-out guy. I don’t need the allure of an accent because I’m bloody brilliant at everything I do.”

“Everything?” I said, eyeing him suspiciously. Remembering the caress of his hand on my skin, I believed him.

“Everything,” he said with a nod. “Rugby, drinking, darts, picking up women.” He ticked them off on his fingers as we walked. We reached the pier and he turned to face me. “Kissing, as you well know.”

My stomach fluttered, but I kept my expression neutral. He wasn’t lying about being a good kisser. I mean, after that mess with Mitch anyone would seem like a good kisser, but Liam was bloody brilliant.

Not that he needed any more hot air in that giant head of his.

“I couldn’t say.” I shrugged and did my best to sound casual. “I mean, it was over so fast, there wasn’t really time for me to absorb the whole thing.”

Liam cocked his head to the side and grinned down at me. In the moonlight he looked even more adorable than ever, and with the ocean beating against the shore right at his back, it felt like a moment right out of some steamy romance novel.

If only he would throw me down in the sand and demonstrate exactly how brilliant he was.

“I could take your word for it,” I said. “I mean, it’s not like you’d want to try again or anything. Not with your mate Ryan right over there and—”

The words were squashed when Liam pressed his lips against mine. It was so unexpected I had to gasp for air. My palms pressed against his chest and he gripped my elbows. Then his hands slid up my arms until he cupped the back of my neck. He eased my mouth open with his, and his tongue slid across mine. My knees wobbled and my heart pounded so hard it drowned out every other noise. Even the waves. I had to lean into Liam to keep myself upright.

When he finally pulled away, I couldn’t catch my breath. He didn’t let me go and my hands were still pressed up against him. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest. He was just as out of breath as I was.

Liam brushed the hair off my shoulder, but the wind whipped it right back. It blew across my face and tickled my nose. I was frozen in place, though. I couldn’t make myself move to push it away. All I could do was stare up into Liam’s dark blue eyes and smile.

“Believe me now?” he asked.

A smile curled my lips, and even though I wanted to shout a very emphatic yes, I just shrugged. “I don’t think you’re as dashing as you think you are.”

He threw his head back and laughed, then planted a little kiss on my forehead that for some reason was almost as sexy as the one we’d shared just a few seconds before. “Yes, I am.”

He isn’t exaggerating, Julie.

7

Julie—

College hasn’t exactly been the constant bash we always thought it would be. I go to class and hang out with Annie, but other than the party at the beach, it’s been slow. I need to do something about it and soon! I’m thinking of having a big event for Annie’s nineteenth birthday, but of course we can’t’t really do that in the dorm. I’m going to have to ask Ryan. I know what you’re thinking, but he’s loosened up the past year. He’s still responsible, but he likes to have a good time too. I’m sure I can talk him into the party. It’s the other favor I’m a little iffy about. I’ll let you know how it goes!

Since I couldn’t talk to Ryan about the whole party thing with Annie around, I headed over to his apartment one afternoon when I knew she had class. She’d mentioned meeting Chris afterwards, so I knew I had plenty of time to bang out a few details with my cousin. Assuming he’d go along with my brilliant plan. You just never knew with him.

When I got to the apartment building, someone else was already coming out, so I didn’t have to press the buzzer. I was jittery with excitement when I knocked on the door, and it opened less than thirty seconds later.

Ryan frowned when he saw me standing there. “Cami? What are you doing here?”

He looked behind me like he expected to see someone else and his frown deepened. He looked disappointed. He hadn’t exactly been expecting me, but I still thought I deserved a better greeting than that!

I could just hear Liam’s voice over the TV, and the sound of it sent my heart into near cardiac arrest. We hadn’t seen each other since the beach party, and I was just dying to pick up where we’d left off. Yet another reason to throw a party.

I pushed past Ryan and headed inside. “I needed to talk to you about something.”

Liam was pacing the living room with his phone held to his ear. He had a serious expression on his face and his eyebrows were pulled together. He looked mad. Like he was having an argument.

“Elisabeth said it wasn’t like that, Mum. The guy’s a tosser, but she said she was okay—” He stopped talking when he saw me standing there and frowned.

I smiled and gave a little wave, but he didn’t return it. Instead he turned away and headed back toward his room. Geez. I wasn’t used to people being so disappointed to see me.

Ryan threw himself down on the couch with a grunt. “What do you want, Cami?”

He had ESPN on and was barely looking at me. Getting his attention was going to be tough. I sat in the ratty old chair across from him and reached for the remote, but he yanked it away before I had a chance.

“I need to talk to you,” I said, sticking out my bottom lip.

Ryan didn’t take his eyes off the TV. “I’m listening.”

“No, you’re watching TV.” I glanced toward the hall Liam had just disappeared down, then looked back at Ryan. Why were they both in such a foul mood? “What’s up with Liam?”

“Family stuff.” Ryan didn’t take his eyes off the game. “What do you need?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes, but of course Ryan didn’t react. Trying to get his attention during football season was pointless. He wasn’t even watching a game! Just the highlights from a game he’d probably watched over the weekend. I didn’t get guys and Sports Center. Who wanted to sit around and listen to people recap a game, anyway? Not me.

Since I wasn’t going to be able to get his full attention, I decided to just go ahead with it. Maybe if he was distracted he’d say yes without thinking it through, just to get me to shut up. It was possible.

“So . . . Annie’s birthday is coming up.” Ryan sat up and finally looked my way. I didn’t have a clue why he was suddenly interested in listening to what I had to say, but I was glad to finally have his attention. “I wanted to have a big party for her. Here.”

His eyes narrowed and I squirmed. “What else?”

“How do you know there’s something else?” I snapped.

“Because I know you, Cami. You don’t just have parties for birthdays. What else do you want?”

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. Why did he always have to act like I was so predictable? “Fine. I want it to be a big deal because she’s turning nineteen and her life has kind of sucked.”

Ryan frowned and leaned closer. “Sucked how?”

“You know. She doesn’t get to do fun things thanks to her crazy overprotective dad. I just thought it would be nice to take her to brunch, then she and I could have a spa day. After that, I thought we’d have a nice lunch and go get our noses pierced before we came back here for a party. No big deal.” Ryan nodded and settled into the couch. I could tell he was chewing it over, so I decided to drop the bomb. “And . . . I need your help getting fake IDs for Annie and me.”

His eyebrows shot up and he shook his head. “No way. Out of the question, Cami.”

You were so right, Julie! Ryan is impossible sometimes, and he doesn’t have the slightest clue how to have fun. I know I used to get annoyed with you when you badmouthed Ryan, so I’m sorry about that.

“Come on, Ryan,” I turned on my extra whiny voice so he’d be more likely to give in. “I’m just asking for this one thing!”

“You’re asking for two things.”

I gave him my most scorching glare. There had to be a way to convince him to do this for me. “What’s the big deal about having a party for Annie’s birthday? You’re her friend too, aren’t you?”

An expression I couldn’t quite read came over his face. It was like he felt sick or was trying to hide something from me. I’d never seen Ryan look like that before and it got me thinking. Were Annie and Ryan friends? I mean, Ryan liked everyone, but he was acting weird about this whole thing. It was almost like he didn’t want to be around Annie. Which didn’t make sense at all. Annie was as sweet as my mama’s homemade peach pie.

Ryan let out a big sigh and his face relaxed; then he nodded. “The party isn’t a big deal. Of course I’m Annie’s friend, and of course I want her to have a good birthday.”

All my questions evaporated as a surge of triumph shot through me. I beamed at my cousin and sat up straight. “Thank you!”

“But the ID . . .” Ryan shook his head again. “I don’t feel comfortable with that.”

My smile turned upside down. “You had a fake ID when you were nineteen.”

“You’re not nineteen, and I don’t know if you’re responsible enough.”

My face got hot and my hands clenched into fists on their own. I hated it when Ryan talked to me like I was a little kid. I swear he still thought of me as a five-year-old! He’d always been my protector, my big cousin who had stood up for me when the bully on the school bus pulled my pigtails. It was endearing when we were little, but we weren’t kids anymore. I wanted to be treated like an adult.

“Annie will be nineteen,” I said through clenched teeth. “And even if you think I’m a total screw-up, you have to know she’s responsible.”

Ryan gave me a little smile that looked only slightly guilty, but it was enough to help ease some of my anger. Like I said, I could never stay mad at him.

“I don’t think you’re a total screw-up, Cami. I just think sometimes you don’t realize there are consequences for your actions. I want you to be more responsible.”

The words stung more than they should have. He wasn’t referring to Julie, but that was all I could think about. Ryan had been with me when Julie’s parents ordered me out of her hospital room. He’d held me when I cried and he’d called them all kinds of names I’ve never heard him use before or since. He’d tried his best to convince me I wasn’t to blame for what happened to Julie.

I never really believed it, though.

“I’m responsible.” My voice sounded small and meek, nothing like me. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to tell him I was a responsible person, or that I was responsible for what had happened to Julie.

Ryan sighed and scooted across the couch so he was closer to me. “That’s not what I meant, Cami.”

I stared down at my clenched hands, unable to meet his gaze. A burning had started in my throat as tears tried to force their way to my eyes, but I refused to let them out. “I know.”

Ryan exhaled and leaned back. “I worry about you, that’s all. You’ve been in this self-destructive phase since the accident, and I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”

Am I being self-destructive, Julie? Everyone else seems to think so, but I haven’t done anything awful. I haven’t gotten hurt or gotten anyone else hurt. I even took charge of the whole Annie list thing so nothing bad would happen! Ryan’s being unreasonable, isn’t he? I wish you were here to stick up for me.

“My goal in life is to have no regrets,” I said, trying to sound like the old me. The me who wasn’t swimming in guilt and self-doubt.

“You can still be safe and careful and have no regrets.”

He had a point. Ryan seemed pretty satisfied with himself, and he was so squeaky clean he’d be able to run for president one day if he wanted to. No way would the tabloids be able to dig up dirt on Ryan.

“ Cami.”

I finally tore my eyes away from my hands, and he patted the couch next to him. My legs trembled when I stood, but sinking into that ratty couch and curling up next to Ryan helped. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I tucked my feet under me. I leaned my head against his chest and we sat in silence. Ryan watched TV while I focused on the security his closeness gave me. As usual, it helped ease the pain and guilt.

Maybe twenty minutes passed like that before Ryan patted my arm. I sat up and he smiled. “Okay,” he said, sitting up. “How about this? I will get you the ID if you promise you’ll only use it when I’m with you. If something happened to you, I’d feel responsible. Understand?”

The triumph of winning helped the happy Cami surface. I smiled and nodded even though I had absolutely no intention of keeping my side of the promise. Ryan was overreacting as usual. There was no way I could get into trouble going to a club and ordering a few drinks. I wasn’t a moron.

“Fine.” He stood up and started to stretch. “I need to go for a run. What are you doing tonight?”

I swiped the remote off the couch and pulled up the guide. “Nothing. Annie’s out with Chris.”

He didn’t move, and when I finally tore my eyes away from the TV, that strange expression was back on his face. He looked like he was going to be sick or something.

“Are you okay?”

He blinked, then shook his head like he was trying to clear his thoughts. “Yeah. I’ll be back in a bit. We’ll order a pizza or something.”

I shrugged and went back to the guide as he headed for the door. Ryan was probably still feeling guilty about agreeing to get me the fake ID. When it came to Ryan and his conscience, I always pictured one of those cartoons where there was an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Except in Ryan’s case, the devil was taking a nap most of the time.

Pitch Perfect was about to start on HBO, so I flipped it on and settled back into the couch. The thing may have been secondhand, but it sure was cozy.

Anna Kendrick was in the middle of performing her little cup song when Liam walked into the room behind me. “What the hell are you watching?”

I turned to face him, and he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. He wasn’t smiling, which was a first. Liam seemed to always be in a good mood.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, tearing his eyes away from me. “Thought you were Ryan.” He turned toward the TV and frowned. The new Bellas were all lined up, ready to drink the blood of their sisters. “But what the bloody hell are you watching?”

“Pitch Perfect,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Don’t judge. It’s funny.”

He stared at the TV for a few seconds, then looked back at me. “Ryan around?”

“Went for a run. We’re going to order pizza when he gets back.”

Liam shuffled his feet as if he was uncomfortable. After a few seconds, he turned and headed for the kitchen. “I’m going to get a beer.”

“Get one for me!” I called after him.

He didn’t answer, but I had no doubt he was going to get me one, so I went back to watching the movie.

When he came back, he handed me the beer without a word. I flashed him a dazzling smile as I took it, but he didn’t even look at me. Then he sat in the chair, which was as far away from me as he could possibly get. Everything with Ryan and Liam felt off today.

I eyed Liam suspiciously, but his gaze was glued to the TV. It didn’t really look like he was watching it, though. It was more like he was avoiding looking my way, which didn’t make any sense at all considering what had happened at the beach house. Liam didn’t really seem to be the type of guy to feel uncomfortable around a girl after they’d fooled around. Especially a girl who knew his reputation and wasn’t concerned about it.

“Everything okay?” I asked after about fifteen minutes of awkward silence. Well, not total silence. The room was full of music, thanks to the movie.

Liam gave me a curt nod. “Smashing.” He made a face that looked as if he’d tasted something bitter, then took a drink of his beer.

“Somehow, you don’t sound very convincing.” I took a sip of my own beer and frowned. “Fight with your mom?”

His eyes snapped toward me and for once the blue wasn’t adorable and welcoming. More like ice. “That’s none of your business, Cami. I’m not your bloody boyfriend.”

“Geez. I was just asking a question. I know you’re not my bloody boyfriend, but I thought we were friends! If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine with me.” I pointed my almost empty bottle toward the TV. “We can just sit here and enjoy the movie in silence. It’s probably a lot more entertaining than anything you have to say anyway.”

Liam didn’t respond, so I clamped my mouth shut and stared at the TV.

My face was hot and I felt trapped somewhere between anger and embarrassment, half of which was directed toward him, but the other half toward myself. I could tell he didn’t want to talk before I even asked, but of course I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. As usual. Ryan always accused me of having chronic diarrhea of the mouth. He wasn’t too far off, apparently.

The minutes passed and the urge to talk became almost unbearable. I squirmed in my chair as the movie progressed to the more emotional parts, like when Beca goes to apologize to Jesse after watching The Breakfast Club but he refuses to forgive her. What a jerk.

“I never got that movie,” I finally blurted out.

Liam sat up straighter and looked my way, but he didn’t speak. I took it as a good sign. Not that I would have kept my mouth shut anyway.

“The Breakfast Club, I mean. Not Pitch Perfect, which is pretty much perfect.” I smiled at my own joke. “I’d never heard of The Breakfast Club until this movie, so one Friday night my friend and I decided to give it a shot. Her mom loves eighties movies, so they already owned it. First of all, none of the actors were cute! I mean, didn’t they have any Zac Efrons or Ian Somerhalders in the eighties? Where were all the cute guys? Then the story was just weird. They spent most of the movie sitting in a room either fighting or dancing around like morons.”

As I talked, Liam slowly relaxed. Then his eyebrows went up. Then a tiny smile turned up his lips. It was as if hearing me babble on and on about some stupid teen movie that was made a hundred years ago was entertaining.

“Have you seen it?”

Liam shook his head. “Can’t say that I have.”

“Don’t waste your time. Movies are so much better now. Along with pretty much everything else. Can you imagine not having a cell phone or the Internet? How did anyone get anything done before they had smartphones and iPads?”

“Not a clue.” Liam actually grinned at me, which was nice.

I was busy listing the best movies from the past few years—hello, Magic Mike—when Ryan came back from his run. He was shirtless and dripping with sweat.

My nose wrinkled up in what I was sure was an adorable expression. Like a cute little bunny. “How do you run in this heat?”

“Exactly what I’ve been saying,” Liam said.

Ryan headed for the kitchen. “I’m used to it. I’ve never lived anywhere else.”

“Neither have I,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean I want to be outside when it’s ninety degrees and a thousand percent humidity. That’s why God gave us air conditioning.”

“I’m pretty sure man created air conditioning,” Ryan called from the kitchen. “I’m going to jump in the shower. Make yourself useful and order a pizza, will you?”

“Whatever. I’m staying inside where it’s cool,” I muttered.

Liam grabbed his phone off the table and said, “I’m on it, mate.”

I flipped through the channels while Liam took care of dinner. There had to be something else on we could watch. If I left it up to Ryan, we’d be watching ESPN again. It was always on during football season, unfortunately.

“Sorry I yelled at you,” Liam said out of nowhere.

I looked up to find his blue eyes studying me. They were once again soft and friendly, and when Liam grinned, his whole demeanor changed. I must have just caught him at a bad moment.

I shrugged and did my best to act like it hadn’t bothered me. “I’m the one who tried to stick my nose where it didn’t belong.”

8

On September third I rolled out of bed super early and started getting ready for the day, being sure to keep quiet so I didn’t disturb Annie. Her birthday wasn’t until the fifth, but since it fell on a Monday, I’d decided we needed to celebrate early so we had the whole day.

Sometimes I was pretty sure I was a genius.

When I snuck out of the room, I found Chris, Ryan, and Liam already waiting for me outside the door. They didn’t look quite as excited as I felt, but almost. First, we were all going to head out for an early breakfast, then the guys were on party planning duty until lunch. They had a to-do list from me, of course. I wouldn’t trust them to take care of it otherwise.

“So how are we going to do this?” Chris asked.

Ryan looked toward the door and smiled. “I say we just run in there and rip her out of bed.”

I was so excited I was bouncing around like a cheerleader. “Perfect!”

“No time like the present, then,” Liam said.

We shoved the door open and all tried to run through at the same time. I ended up getting pushed into Liam, who somehow managed to keep me from falling. Then we were charging through the room like a herd of buffalo.

Ryan reached the bed just as Annie opened her eyes. I briefly wondered if she was decent, but before I could do or say anything about it, Ryan had already ripped her out of bed. Thankfully, she was wearing the same PJ’s she wore every night.

When Ryan set her on the floor, Annie’s eyes were bigger than ping pong balls. “What’s going on?”

“Happy birthday!” The words exploded out of me as I danced around the room. This was by far my best idea ever.

Annie looked at me like I was nuts. “It’s not my birthday.”

I was already planning her wardrobe, and I barely had time to roll my eyes before I darted to her dresser. “I know, but your birthday is on Monday, so we have to celebrate it today. That way we have the entire day to get things crossed off the list and pamper you!” I shoved clothes into her arms and pushed her toward the bathroom. My cheeks hurt from smiling. “You have thirty minutes to get dressed and meet us downstairs so we can take you to breakfast! We need to get a move on, because I have the whole day planned out. Followed by a party at Ryan and Liam’s!”

Annie got ready in record time, and less than forty minutes later I was drooling over a plate of stuffed French toast.

Between bites I filled her in on the plans I’d made, finding it impossible to keep my mouth from moving. I swear, sometimes the thing had a mind of its own. “First, we’re going to get massages, then mani-pedis. After that we’re all going to meet for lunch at Hominy Grill—you can’t live in Charleston without eating there. Then we are going to get pierced!”

Annie looked seriously impressed, which made the whole thing worth it.

The morning went fast, and by the time we met the guys for lunch, I was feeling super relaxed. Liam and I had started the day off friendly, so I wasn’t surprised when he took a seat next to me at the restaurant. I was, however, a little shocked that he scooted so close.

He frowned down at the menu for a few minutes, then looked around the room like he wasn’t sure what planet he was on. Then back at the menu. I swear, he looked lost. Like he was afraid he’d somehow been sucked through a wormhole and was in an alternate universe.

“You look confused . . .” I said hesitantly. He’d snapped at me only a few days before, so a part of me wasn’t sure if I was allowed to ask him anything.

“I don’t recognize a bloody thing on this menu.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, duh. That’s because this is southern food, dummy.” I took the menu out of his hands and slammed it shut. “You don’t need this. I’ll tell you what to order. First of all, we have to get some fried green tomatoes. They aren’t as good as the ones my mama makes, but they’re good. Second, since you’re in Charleston, you are required to order a bowl of she-crab soup. You aren’t allowed to leave the city without trying it.” I raised my eyebrows at him so he’d know I was very serious.

Liam smiled and tilted his head to the side. “So you’re saying if I don’t try this crab soup, you’ll hold me prisoner?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Thinking about holding Liam prisoner had my insides twisting into knots.

Liam’s eyes twinkled and he leaned his head closer to me. “I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only one.”

His warm breath brushed over me when he exhaled, and I caught a whiff of cinnamon. He licked his lips, and all I could think about was kissing him on that bed and what would have happened if that asshole hadn’t interrupted us. Being this close to him was slightly torturous.

By the time the meal was done, I was more than ready to get to the party, but it was too early. Plus, we had one more stop to make so Annie could cross number five off her list. She was going to get her belly button and nose pierced, and I thought I’d join in the fun by getting my nose done too. I’d already gotten my belly button pierced on my eighteenth birthday, so I couldn’t participate in that.

The guys’ place was already full by the time Annie and I arrived that night. Liam opened the door and hugged Annie, then turned to me. When he wrapped his arms around me, he lingered a lot longer than he should have. Even when he finally pulled away, his hand didn’t leave my body. His fingers trailed down my arm, encircling my wrist. There was something really, really hot about the gesture. Like he was considering holding me down. That was something I’d never done, but I wasn’t exactly opposed to the idea. Especially if Liam was the one doing it.

I turned as Ryan came out of the kitchen carrying a tray full of shots, and my eyes zeroed in on the alcohol. Liam must have read my mind, because the second the tray was on the table, he swooped in and grabbed two glasses.

He grinned when he handed me one. “Cheers.”

Annie had a shot in her hand and she was staring at it as if she had no idea what to do. “I’ve never done a shot,” she said, sounding slightly panicked.

“There’s a first time for everything,” I said, winking at her while I envisioned Liam holding me down and ravishing me. Yeah, that would be super hot. “To being a teenager!” I yelled, then threw back the shot.

Pretty much everyone in the room cheered except Annie, who was still staring at her glass. Ryan said something in her ear, which made her smile, and she finally swallowed the alcohol. The face she made was priceless.

“Another!” Liam yelled.

He passed me a second shot, then held up his own glass. This time, Annie didn’t hesitate. Her shot was gone before I even had a chance to do mine. I followed her lead, then threw my arms around her just as someone turned up the music. The beer fairy must have been present, because one magically ended up in my hand. Then I was dragging Annie to the center of the room so we could dance.

Liam followed right behind me. The second I let go of Annie, his hands were on my hips. He pulled me against him as my body swayed and my heart pounded like a jackhammer. There were so many people around us that even if I’d wanted to pull away, I couldn’t have. But I didn’t want to, not by a long shot. Liam’s arms snaked around me as the music swirled through the sweaty bodies. The room was like an inferno, but I wasn’t sure if it had to do with the people everywhere or because Liam was so close. I twisted my way out of his grasp and spun around to face him, running my hands up his chest. His muscles rippled under my palms.

He leaned down and put his lips right against my ear. “Ryan’s right over there.”

I looked over to where Ryan was standing. He was all the way on the other side of the room. Alone. Drinking. He looked like he was pouting, which he never did. His eyes were focused on the crowd dancing around his living room, but I wasn’t sure who he was watching. It wasn’t Liam and me. Not that I cared what he thought, anyway. I was a big girl, and as far as I was concerned, the sooner Ryan realized that, the better.

I turned back to face Liam and grinned up at him. “I don’t care if Ryan sees us.”

I stood on my tiptoes, but Liam pulled away before I could kiss him. My bottom lip jutted out into what I knew was a perfectly pretty pout. It was something I’d practiced over the years.

Liam grinned down at me like I was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen. At least that’s how I chose to interpret the look. “Not here.”

“Then where?”

He didn’t answer. He just turned me around so my back was to him once again and gripped my hips. Liam pulled me to him, and I could feel him against my lower back. It made me feel like I was simmering from the inside out.

I wiggled against him and he groaned. “Better stop that,” he said, his lips pressed up against my ear.

I leaned my head back and smiled up at him. “I don’t want to stop. I want us to sneak away.”

“We need a distraction.”

Every time he spoke it sent a shiver down my spine. I closed my eyes and thought about those same lips crushed against mine, then moving down my neck. Over my bare skin.

When I opened my eyes, Ryan was no longer standing on the other side of the room. I looked around, but I couldn’t find him anywhere. He must have gone to the bathroom, which gave me the perfect opportunity.

I spun around to face Liam and pressed my lips against his before he could stop me. My tongue dipped into his mouth and I gripped the back of his neck. My head was spinning and my legs felt like rubber, but I wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or the kiss. Either way, it felt good. Like I was in charge and wild and really living for the first time in my life. There was something so intoxicating and sexy about Liam.

When I finally pulled away, Liam looked drunk. Since he hadn’t really had much to drink, I knew it was from the kiss. From me.

And damn if it wasn’t the hottest thing ever.

“I’ll get Annie to cover for us,” I said.

Liam nodded, and I turned to search the room for Annie. I didn’t see her anywhere, though. A few seconds later Ryan came out of the back hallway and my stomach twisted. Okay, it was possible I didn’t want him to know about Liam and me after all. I respected Ryan, and I didn’t like the idea of him thinking I was a slut.

Annie wasn’t anywhere in sight, so I went to look for her in the kitchen. But she wasn’t there either. From across the room I saw Chris head back toward the bathroom, and I figured he must be looking for Annie too. My brain was focused on getting the hell out of that apartment as soon as possible so Liam could put out the fire burning inside me. I didn’t even hesitate. I shoved my way through the crowd and went after Chris.

I found both Annie and Chris in Liam’s room. It hit me then that Chris might have been about to give her a birthday present. Maybe I should have waited? They’d been going out for a couple weeks and Chris still hadn’t kissed her. Their relationship was giving me blue balls.

I laughed at my own joke and threw my arms around Annie before I could talk myself out of it. “There you are!”

Annie’s face was flushed and her hair slightly messy. Maybe I hadn’t interrupted them after all. It almost looked like someone had run his hands through her hair. Maybe while they kissed? It was possible Chris had finally worked up the nerve and just gone for it.

“How much have you had to drink?” she asked, giving me a look that reminded me of Ryan. Holy crap, maybe those two should have gotten together.

“More than you, which means you need to catch up!” I pulled her from the room so I could get her a drink. I needed to loosen this girl up or she was going to die a virgin. I dragged her into the kitchen. The second I was sure no one would hear me, I asked, “Did he give you your birthday present?”

“Yes, but not the one you’re referring to.”

Annie rolled her eyes and practically smacked me in the face with a few pieces of paper. It took me a minute to remember Chris had gotten her football tickets. They were actually supposed to be from all of us: something about him not wanting to scare her away by getting such an elaborate gift or some nonsense. I couldn’t remember the reasoning behind it, and I couldn’t believe Chris still hadn’t kissed her! Ugh, he was such a wimp. Maybe if I got her liquored up enough, she’d take matters into her own hands.

“The night is young!” I laughed as I pulled a beer out of the fridge.

The top went flying when I popped it off. I was pretty sure it hit some chick in the head, but she didn’t react. Either I was imagining things, or she was too drunk to notice.

I forced the beer into Annie’s hand while I looked around to make sure Ryan wasn’t anywhere close. No sign of him. “I need a favor.”

“What’s that?” Annie’s eyes narrowed on me suspiciously.

“Keep an eye on Ryan for me. Liam and I are going to sneak out for a bit. I don’t want him to get suspicious.”

“Cami.” She shook her head and I had the urge to stick out my tongue. Why was I the only one determined to have fun? “Do you still know what you’re doing, or do I need to step in?”

Yes, Mom.

I nodded as I searched the room, only half paying attention to Annie. Liam was already by the door waiting for me. The second his blue eyes met mine, my thighs went up in flames.

“I’m completely in control.” It sounded too breathless to be convincing.

I took one step toward the door, but Annie grabbed my arm. “Be careful.”

“I will,” I said, forcing out a smile before dashing from the kitchen.

Liam and I hurried out, and the second the door was shut he was on me. His mouth engulfed mine and my back slammed against the wall. He held my face between his hands while his tongue explored every inch of my mouth. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Could barely stand. Liam’s body had me pinned to the wall like I was his prisoner.

I gasped when his mouth moved away from mine. He trailed kisses down my neck, to my chest. His hands moved up my thighs. His lips stopped just above the neckline of my dress, and he traced his tongue across the swell of my breasts.

“We can’t stay here,” I gasped.

I didn’t want to move, but we were in the hall where anyone could see us. We needed privacy.

Liam’s right hand cupped my breast, but otherwise he didn’t respond. His mouth moved back up my chest and I was eternally grateful for the wall at my back. I was one hundred percent positive I would have collapsed without it. He kissed up my neck and across my chin to my ear. A sharp pain cut across my lobe when he gripped it between his teeth, and another gasp forced its way out of me. I closed my eyes.

My brain was so fuzzy I had a difficult time thinking, but I knew we needed to move.

“Liam.” His name came out sounding like a gasp of ecstasy, and I was greeted with a low grunt from him. “We have to go somewhere else.”

He didn’t stop kissing my neck as he said, “Where?”

I stared at the ceiling and tried to focus through the haze. My dorm was so far away, but I didn’t have any other ideas. If only I had . . .

“A car?” I said, even though I didn’t have one and I knew he didn’t either.

Liam pulled back and smiled. He stuck his hand into his pocket, and when he pulled Ryan’s keys out, I almost did a cheer right there in the hall. “Good thing I forgot to return these.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the stairs. We moved so fast it felt like only seconds passed before we stumbled outside. Luckily, Ryan’s car was parked right in front of the building. Liam pushed the button to unlock the door, and I squeezed my way into the backseat. Ryan had an old two-door Civic, so getting in was a bit of a challenge, but it was worth it once Liam climbed in behind me.

He shut the door and I practically shoved him into the seat. My lips were on his while I hiked up my skirt and climbed on his lap. By that point, I felt feral. Like I was ready to hold him down until he begged.

We picked up right where we’d left off. Liam’s mouth attacked mine as his hands went to work on my body. Running down my back, gripping my ass, pulling me closer until his hardness was pressed right up against me. It sent a shiver of desire shooting through me. I moved my hips, rubbing my body against him. Gasping as his lips trailed down my neck once again.

I gripped the back of his neck when his mouth stopped just above my breasts. He ran his tongue across my chest as his hands squeezed my ass, pulling me closer. Liam’s hair was damp as I ran my fingers through it, and mine wasn’t much better. The car was hotter than a sauna and the windows were so steamed up we couldn’t see out. I had a brief, crazy thought that I should slam my hand against the window like in Titanic. Anybody passing the car would know exactly what was going on, anyway.

Liam’s mouth made its way back up to mine, and we stayed like that. Making out until my lips felt swollen, and my body hummed with the need for more. It was so sexy and thrilling that I didn’t want it to end, but it was too freaking hot in the car. My skin was covered in a layer of sweat and Liam’s hair was so damp it had curled around his ears. We needed to get these clothes off. That would help us cool down.

I moved back a bit and reached for Liam’s zipper, but his fingers wrapped around my wrist.

He pulled his lips away from mine and took a deep breath. “Stop.”

“What?” I gasped.

There was no way I’d heard him right. I knew he wanted me. Hell, I could feel how much he wanted me. So it didn’t make any sense that he’d be telling me to stop.

Liam closed his eyes and took a couple more deep breaths. His fingers tightened on my wrist. “We need to slow it down.”

He opened his eyes and I half expected him to burst out laughing. But he was dead serious.

“What are you talking about? Isn’t this why we came out here?”

Liam moved my hand farther away from his zipper and let go of my wrist. Then he eased me off his lap. My skirt was practically up around my waist, but I didn’t give a shit. All I cared about was the fact that Liam had put on the brakes for some insane reason. Again!

He ran his hand through his wet hair. “I just can’t be that guy anymore, Cami.”

“What guy? What are you talking about?”

“The wanker who shags every girl he meets.” He flashed me a lopsided grin that was just barely visible in the darkness of the car. “I’m turning over a new leaf.”

“Now? You made this decision now, right in the middle of this?” I was starting to sound slightly hysterical, but I couldn’t help it.

His smile faltered and he shook his head. “No. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I don’t even know why I was doing all this, you know.” He chuckled and shook his head. “Okay, that’s a bloody lie. I know why I was doing it.”

I still couldn’t wrap my brain around what was happening. It seemed so out-of-the-blue. Liam wanted to be a better man, and that was great. But what had brought it on?

“I don’t understand.”

Liam pressed his lips together and there was just enough light in the car to see how torn he was. Something was going on, but I wasn’t sure what. It reminded me of the day he’d yelled at me. He’d sounded like he was having an argument with his mom. Family stuff, that’s what Ryan had said. What the hell did his family stuff have to do with me?

“My dad’s a tosser,” he finally said. “I barely know him, really, but what little bit I do know, I hate. He’s a rich guy, and I guess he thinks that means he can treat everyone around him like rubbish. He screwed my mum over pretty badly. Knocked her up, then just ran out.” Liam took a deep breath. “I always hated how much I was like him, but I never did anything about it.”

Liam was pouring his heart out to me right there in the back of Ryan’s car. He looked so young and vulnerable, and his words sounded so sincere that I found myself wanting him more than ever. Feeling more attracted to him than ever before. There was something so sexy about the fact that he could be that vulnerable and gentle when we talked, yet so commanding and in control when we made out. It was the perfect combination.

Of course, it didn’t mean I loved that he was about to walk away from me. “You’re not doing anything wrong, Liam. I’m willing, and I get that you don’t want to date me. I’m okay with it. You don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”

He exhaled, and even before he said it, I knew what was coming. “Ryan.”

Damn Ryan! Why the hell couldn’t he just let me make my own mistakes?

I scooted closer to Liam. “Ryan doesn’t have to know.”

“I can’t do that, Cami.” He studied me closely, and I held my breath while I waited for him to say something. Anything that would help me understand.

He opened his mouth just as there was a tap on the window. A light shone through the glass, and even through the steam it was blinding. I held up my hand to cover my eyes.

“Charleston PD. Come on out of there, kids.”

Shit. My heart went into overdrive. Getting arrested would not convince Ryan I was responsible.

“Bloody hell.”

Liam pushed open the door and climbed out. I was right behind him, pulling my skirt down as I sucked in a mouthful of fresh air. Compared to the stifling heat of the car, it felt cool and crisp outside.

Two cops stood on the sidewalk in front of us. The first guy was probably twenty-five at the most and good looking. Like someone you’d see on one of those cop TV shows. But the other guy was big and middle-aged, and had a gray mustache in desperate need of a trim. He was more what I pictured a real cop looking like.

Liam flashed them a dazzling smile. “How you doing tonight, officers?”

“You two realize it’s against city ordinances to have sexual relations in a parked car?” the older man said.

“We were just talking,” I snapped.

Liam frowned in my direction and shook his head.

The younger cop chuckled. “Like we’ve never heard that one before.”

A few people had stopped to see what all the commotion was about. One of the bystanders, a guy about our age, laughed right along with the cop. Which made me cross my arms over my chest and scowl.

Liam ran his hand down his face, and I swear his cheeks were red. He may have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t. I was annoyed. I was being accused of doing something I hadn’t even done, and Liam wasn’t saying a damn word!

I shoved a mass of sweaty hair out of my face. “I’m sure you have heard that before, but in our case it’s true. I came out here all ready to have sex, but he decided he couldn’t do it because he’s friends with my brother.” I jerked my thumb toward Liam. “Can you imagine how annoying it is to have a guy go all honorable right when you’re about to seal the deal? No? Well let me tell you, it’s freaking irritating as hell.”

Liam’s mouth dropped open and laughter broke out in the small crowd that had gathered to watch us. The younger cop had a huge grin on his face, and even the older cop cracked a smile. Suddenly, it hit me how ridiculous the situation was, and I burst out laughing. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I ever keep my mouth shut?

“I’m sorry,” I said between giggles. “I don’t know why I just told you all of that! My mouth kind of has a mind of its own.”

The older cop took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair. “You two from around here?”

“My brother lives there,” I said, pointing to the apartment building at our backs, then toward Liam. “This is his roommate.”

“Damn.” The younger cop was still smiling. “You two head on back to your place. Next time, I’d advise you to just do it in your apartment. That way you won’t get arrested.”

Liam grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the building. “Thank you, officers. We’ll do that.”

I was still laughing so hard I couldn’t talk, so I just waved over my shoulder as I jogged after Liam.

Once we were inside, Liam turned around to face me. Thankfully, he was smiling. “I thought for sure we were going to get arrested back there.”

“Please!” I said, heading back up the stairs. “There isn’t a jail cell in this state that can hold me.”

9

Julie—

So, I’ve been hanging out with Liam a lot since Annie’s birthday. It’s weird, because I still want to have sex with him. Like a lot. The thing is, he’s adorable and charming and exactly what every girl dreams of in the perfect boyfriend, and I love it. He texts me and meets me for lunch or dinner, and he is always very interested in what I have to say. That doesn’t happen often. And even though I know hanging with just one guy is kind of breaking our deal, I don’t want to stay away from him. I like him, Julie. Is that wrong? Am I letting you down? I feel like I am.

I scanned the words I’d written one last time before I shut the notebook. I’d avoided writing in it for a few days and I knew it had to do with the guilt I felt over Liam. As much as I wanted to try to convince myself we were just having a good time, I couldn’t. There was more to it than that. It was obvious now that Liam really liked me. What’s more, I liked him.

Spending so much time with Liam made me feel like I was abandoning Julie. On top of that, I’d found myself talking to her less and less. It felt like she was slowly fading from my life, and it scared the shit out of me. But it also made me feel lighter. Once I was able to push away the guilt, that is.

My appointment with Dr. Houseman was in fifteen minutes and I knew I needed to hurry, but I was having a difficult time getting motivated. I’d lied the previous week when he asked about the journal. After Annie’s party, I’d stopped writing in it every day. Only I couldn’t admit that to Dr. Houseman. I just wasn’t sure if it was because I was worried he’d judge me, or that he’d be proud of me.

When I got to the office, Jeannie was reading as usual. I was right on time, so she didn’t bother with the lecture, and Dr. Houseman’s door was already open. He stood in the middle of the room looking over a piece of paper. He waved me in when he saw me.

I took a seat on the couch while he settled into his chair. My notebook was clutched in my hands instead of in my bag, as if I wanted to prove to him I was still writing in it. His eyes moved over it, then up to my face. I squirmed.

“You’re still writing in your journal?” Dr. Houseman asked, motioning toward the notebook.

My fingers wrapped around it tighter. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to end up with a couple hundred paper cuts. “Yup. Giving Julie all the juicy details,” I said, trying to keep my voice light.

Dr. Houseman raised his eyebrows, and I knew right away I’d made a mistake. I never joked around in his office. Ever. Outside those walls I was the bubbly Cami who could never stop talking, but on that leather couch I turned mute. It was hard for me to get an entire sentence out.

“Do you want me to read it?” he asked.

My eyebrows shot up and my eyes got so big they felt like they were about to pop out of their sockets. He never wanted to read my letters to Julie, so I wasn’t sure what had changed. “You always say it’s between me and Julie.”

“I just thought you might want me to read it. You usually keep your journal in your bag. Today it was already out when you walked into the office. I thought it might mean something.”

I frowned at the pink notebook in my hands. He was right. I never took it out of my purse. Sometimes, I didn’t even bring it. Why did I have it out today? I couldn’t remember if I’d carried it in my hands the whole way from my dorm room, or if I’d pulled it out when I’d arrived.

“Is there something you want to talk about? Something you wrote to Julie?” he asked when I didn’t respond.

I tore my eyes away from the notebook and met Dr. Houseman’s gaze. He was so good at keeping his expression neutral.

“I lied last week,” I blurted out before I could think better of it.

“What did you lie about?”

“About writing in the journal every day. I’ve been slacking off. I wrote in it before I came today, but it had been almost a week since the last time.” Saying it out loud made me break into a sweat.

“Why?” Dr. Houseman kept his voice even, but it didn’t help me relax.

I shifted in my seat while he remained totally motionless. Watching me calmly. Waiting for me to answer. I licked my lips. “Why did I lie or why haven’t I written in it?”

“Either one,” he said with a shrug. “Whichever one you want to answer.”

“I—I don’t know why I lied. Probably because I felt guilty.” I gnawed on my lower lip as I considered what to say next. “I stopped writing in it because I felt guilty too.”

“What do you feel guilty about, Cami? What’s happened since your friend’s birthday party that has you feeling like you’ve let Julie down?”

“Liam.” It came out as a whisper.

“Ryan’s roommate?”

I nodded and squeezed the journal closer to my chest. “I like him. We’ve been seeing each other for lunch and dinner. He asked me to come to his place Friday night. He wants to cook me dinner.”

“So you’re dating?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

Dr. Houseman tilted his head and studied me before saying, “Do you want to?”

I sucked in a deep breath and held it until my lungs burned. When I let it out, my body slumped forward. Like I was inflatable and someone had pulled the plug out. “I don’t know.”

Dr. Houseman leaned forward and narrowed his eyes on me. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to get a read on me or if he was just thinking something through, but his gaze made me squirm. The leather squeaked under me.

“I think if you didn’t want to date this guy, then you wouldn’t feel guilty. Right?” I nodded and he responded by nodding his head as well. “You aren’t doing anything wrong by allowing yourself to be happy, Cami. Understand?”

I licked my lips again and squeezed the notebook so close to my chest the metal spiral holding it together dug into my ribs. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to think that if I went out with Liam it wasn’t betraying Julie. I wanted to feel that I was free. That I didn’t owe her every second of my life. But I couldn’t.

By the time Friday rolled around I had talked myself into believing the whole thing with Liam was nothing serious. He’d invited me over to his place because Ryan had a date, which I took to mean he wanted to be alone with me. In my head, I was kind of picturing the evening being more like a booty call. We’d enjoy a quick romp in the sack while Ryan was out on his date, then order a pizza. Maybe go for round two if we had time.

That wasn’t exactly what happened, though.

When I got there, Liam answered the door with a big smile on his face and a dozen pink roses in his hand. It was adorable and definitely made my heart skip so many times I wondered if it was playing jump rope. He’d really thrown me off my game.

“Wow,” I said, taking the bundle of roses and giving them a sniff. “I wasn’t expecting flowers.”

“I noticed your mobile case was pink, so I thought you’d like the color.”

Okay, so maybe it was a little cliché, but pink was my favorite color. And the fact that Liam had noticed was so sweet I found it difficult to speak. Which for me meant a lot. It also made him about a million times hotter, and made me want him about a billion times more. Go figure.

Liam held the door open so I could go inside. He didn’t even make a move to kiss me, which totally blew because at that moment I was imagining sucking on his bottom lip.

The guys didn’t have a table in their apartment, which was why I’d kind of figured Liam and I would be lying naked in bed with a box of pizza between us. There was, however, a small bar between the living room and kitchen. That’s where Liam had set out two plates and two wineglasses, along with a bottle of what appeared to be champagne. He even had a candle lit. And the apartment smelled a-maz-ing!

“Did you cook?” I asked, standing in front of the bar with my mouth hanging open.

I’d never had a guy buy me flowers before, and I definitely hadn’t thought for a second Liam would. Plus, he’d actually cooked. For me. It was like his body had been taken over by pod people.

“Of course.” He grinned and picked up the bottle of champagne. “I invited you over for dinner. What did you expect, pizza?”

“Umm . . .yes?”

Liam laughed and ripped the foil off the bottle. He turned it away from me while he worked on getting the cork out. The pop was so loud it made me jump, and the cork flew about three feet through the air before hitting the kitchen cabinet. I was kind of wishing he had aimed at me. Right at my head. Maybe the jolt would have helped me make sense of the situation, because I was totally confused.

Liam filled the glasses and handed me one. “We have about fifteen minutes before dinner is ready.”

I stared at the champagne in my hand and frowned. “You know you don’t have to get me drunk, right?”

“What are you talking about?” He paused with his glass halfway to his lips.

Liam looked hurt, which made me feel like a total bitch. He’d gone to so much trouble with the whole thing, but I couldn’t even enjoy it because all I was thinking about was jumping his bones. Yeah, I was being a mega bitch.

“I’m kidding.” I forced out a smile and held up the glass. “This is awesome. Thanks!”

He relaxed and returned the smile, and we clinked our glasses together.

Even though I didn’t get the booty call I’d been hoping for, the night was pretty sweet. Liam turned out to be a really good cook. He’d made spaghetti, which didn’t sound like a big deal until he revealed he’d made his own sauce. Color me impressed. Plus, he’d made the meatballs too.

I was pretty full after stuffing my face full of Italian food, so I couldn’t eat dessert right away. Cheesecake drizzled with caramel, chocolate, and chopped pecans. Where the hell did this guy come from? While we waited for our food to digest, we sat in the living room and talked.

“So you mentioned you have a sister. Any other siblings?” I asked, sipping the champagne. The bubbles tickled my lips and made me giggle.

“Just the sister,” he said. “Half sister, really. We have different dads. My mum was married to Elisabeth’s dad for about ten years. They split up, but he’s still around. Treats me like a son too.”

“What about your biological father? Does he live in England?”

“No, actually. He lives in the States, which is why I’m here.”

He took a drink of his own champagne while he studied me. I got the feeling he didn’t talk about his dad a whole lot and he was debating whether or not to tell me more. I honestly wasn’t sure how much I wanted him to share. I was really starting to like Liam—like him like him—and I was afraid if I got too attached, it would thwart some of my wilder plans for college life. I couldn’t really pick up guys in bars and go home with them if I was in a relationship.

Plus, I’d promised Julie I wouldn’t settle down until I was a hundred years old. At least.

Liam must have decided I was worth making himself vulnerable, because he said, “He has a place here, actually.”

“Really? In Charleston?” It was a bit of a surprise since he hadn’t mentioned it before, but it explained why he was here. Kind of. He did say his dad was a jerk.

Liam nodded. “Isle of Palms. You remember the beach house the frat party was at?”

Was he kidding? How could I forget the beach house? Not only was it pretty much the nicest and most expensive building I’d ever set foot in, we’d shared a pretty amazing moment in that upstairs bedroom. Just thinking about it made my body shiver with pleasure.

I put my hand on his leg and smiled up at him. “I remember very specific things about the beach house.”

“You did seem to have a pretty brilliant time.” Liam flashed me a lopsided grin that showed off those adorably crooked teeth of his. God, was I glad his mom never got him braces.

“It wasn’t nearly enough, trust me.” I ran my fingers gently up his thigh.

Liam cleared his throat and shifted his whole body until he was sitting almost out of my reach. My hand was still on his knee at least. “You know you’re making it bloody difficult for me to turn over a new leaf, right?”

“I like your old leaf,” I said, flashing him a pout.

“Right.” Liam chuckled and shook his head. “That house belongs to my dad.”

My hand froze on his leg. There weren’t many things that could have distracted me from all the dirty thoughts going through my head, but that was definitely one of them.

“Your dad owns that mansion on the beach?”

“He may be a tosser, but he happens to be a very rich tosser. He’s why I came here, really. He threw my mum money over the years, but it wasn’t much. She couldn’t pay for me to go to uni, and it was either beg my dad for the money or work my own way through. I really wanted to tell him to sod off, but I felt like he owed me. Anyway, he agreed to pay my way, but only if I came here. Said he wanted to get to know me. Maybe he’s gone soft in his old age, I don’t know. Whatever the reason, I saw it as my only option.”

“So he’s not a total tosser then?” I loved all the British slang, so was sure to emphasize the word.

Liam chuckled again. “No, I guess he’s not a total tosser.”

I mulled the whole thing over as I emptied my glass. Liam wanted to turn over a new leaf. His dad was a prick and he didn’t want to be that way, which I could understand and even respect. But what did that mean for us? He’d made me dinner, bought me flowers, and opened up to me all in one night. It was starting to feel dangerously close to girlfriend territory.

Which was something I was going to have to get a handle on real soon.

I set my glass on the table, then took his and did the same. He eyed me as I scooted closer to him, as if he was afraid I was going to attack. Of course, he was right to be concerned. I was going to attack, and I wanted things to go my way for a change.

I leaned closer, waiting for him to make a move to kiss me or stop me from kissing him. The conflict in his eyes was obvious. He thought it was a bad idea. Unfortunately for him, I thought it was pretty much the best idea I’d had in a very long line of great ideas.

“Let me thank you for dinner,” I said, moving until our faces were less than an inch apart.

We were so close I could see little specks of brown in his eyes. My nose grazed his and he sucked in a deep breath. His very intense gaze moved down to my mouth. Then his lips brushed against mine and he closed his eyes. I followed his lead, squeezing my eyes shut as our mouths moved together. Quickly. So fast it took my breath away. Liam thrust his tongue into my mouth and slid his hand up my back, gripping my neck. Not just holding me there, but pulling me closer to him. Like he might never be able to get enough.

Heat moved through my body like a tidal wave, and I held onto Liam for dear life. I twisted my hands in his shirt, then pulled it up so I could touch his bare skin, moving my hands over his rock hard abs and firm chest. Savoring the feel of his bare skin against mine.

Liam’s teeth closed on my bottom lip, and the pain was just sharp enough to send a shiver through my body. I raked my nails up his chest to his shoulders, then pulled him closer as he kissed me faster. Deeper. More desperate than ever before.

Somehow, I ended up on my back with Liam hovering over me. He trailed kisses down my neck, his hand resting on my stomach. The warmth of his touch spread through me, starting in my belly and spreading out until every inch of my flesh was on fire. His mouth moved back to mine and he came to rest next to me on the couch. The kisses were slower, though, sweeter than before. The passion and heat were still there, but underneath it I could feel something else that hadn’t been there the other times we’d kissed. Something intimate.

And it scared the shit out of me.

I grabbed Liam’s hand, still resting on my stomach, and moved it up to my breast. He groaned against my lips as his hand cupped me, caressed me. Teased me. Our kisses became frantic once again and a thrill of triumph shot through me.

We stayed that way for so long I lost track of time, tangled in each other’s arms, making out on the couch like two fifteen-year-old kids. Liam never moved to take off my clothes and never took it any further, and every time I tried to maneuver myself so I could take control he stopped me. He’d put himself in the perfect position to be in charge, which was both hot and infuriating at the same time.

When he finally pulled away, my lips were once again swollen from our kisses. Even worse was the throbbing ache of desire inside me, so intense my limbs felt like jelly. I didn’t have a clue how Liam could stand it. Every pint of blood in his body must have been focused on one area.

“That’s it?” I said, hoping my breathlessness hid my disappointment.

Liam chuckled and helped me sit up. “New leaf.”

Damn his new leaf. I hadn’t been left so unsatisfied since I was a freshman in high school.

I took a deep breath and pretended not to notice when he adjusted himself. We needed to talk about what was going on, because this situation was getting more confusing by the second.

Hesitantly, I said, “Can I ask you something?”

Liam nodded slowly as if he wasn’t sure he really wanted me to.

“What do you see happening here? I didn’t think you were a relationship kind of guy, but now you’ve decided to turn over a new leaf and you bought me roses and made me dinner. I’ll be honest, I’m really confused. Are we dating?”

He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled slowly. Then he looked at me and grinned. “Yes?”

That didn’t clear things up at all.

“You don’t sound very sure,” I said.

“I’ve never dated anyone before, Cami.” He shrugged sheepishly.

Damn. It was impossible not to think he was adorable when he looked at me like that.

“Okay. So, you want to date me but you don’t want to sleep with me?”

“Ryan—”

“Oh my gosh! If you tell me Ryan’s your mate one more time I’m going to scream! Stop making decisions based on what Ryan thinks.”

“But he is, and a good one. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to stop when we’re together? But I do because I don’t want to screw a friend over. What kind of shit would that make me?”

His words were like a bucket of ice water being dumped on my head. Liam didn’t want to screw Ryan over just like I didn’t want to screw Julie over. I owed her more than that.

“You’re right,” I said. “You should be loyal to your friends.”

And I needed to be too. I had to start taking my promise to her more seriously. I needed to go out and have fun, and spend less time focusing on Liam.

10

Julie—

Okay, so I’ve been a huge bitch. I know, and I’m sorry. That’s not going to happen again, I swear. I’d love to be able to say I slept with a British guy in college, but at this point I’m not sure that’s going to happen. He’s suddenly decided to be a stand-up guy. Can you imagine? I guess I just met him one year too late. Damn.

Anyway, Annie and I are going to a bar tonight. Ryan helped us get fake IDs and we’re going to test them out. She has a few things to cross off her list, and I’m going to work on that one-night stand thing. Should be an awesome night. The only thing that would make it better is if you were here with me. Miss you more than ever!

After what had happened with Liam on Friday night, I was more than ready to hit the town with Annie on Saturday. Thankfully, she allowed me to put her in a black strapless dress and blue heels. She looked totally hot. Not that I didn’t. My own black dress wasn’t strapless, but it was low-cut and tight. It hugged every one of my curves perfectly. Even with my red heels I felt like a dwarf next to Annie, but it didn’t matter to me. I enjoyed being short.

Market Street was too far away to walk in our heels, especially when Annie was so inexperienced, so we grabbed a cab outside the dorm. The bar was already crowded when we got there, but I managed to snag us a table in clear view of the bar. I ordered drinks and hoped once Annie got some alcohol in her she’d be able to sit still. She was so nervous she was shaking the whole table. I needed her to relax, because I had big plans for the night.

I did my best to keep talking so I could calm her down, but I was too preoccupied with checking out the guys in the place to really know what I was saying. That’s one of the good things about being a talker. You don’t need to be totally present to keep the conversation going. It’s like an extra sense you’re just born with.

About thirty minutes after we arrived, I spotted the perfect pair of guys for us. One was tall with blond hair and a cute smile. Kind of reminded me of a younger Owen Wilson, only without the crooked nose. His friend had darker hair and was much shorter, meaning he’d be mine. They were military guys, no question about it, which was kind of hot. I’d never dated a guy in the military, and since I was all about doing new things, it seemed ideal.

I caught the shorter guy’s eye and stopped talking long enough to flash him a brilliant smile, the kind you’d see on the cover of a magazine. He smiled back and nudged his friend, who turned our way. The second the blond guy laid eyes on Annie, I knew they’d be coming over to join us. His face lit up like he’d found the golden ticket and was about to get a tour of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Within a matter of minutes, they were each holding two drinks and heading our way. Perfect.

I turned to Annie and was relieved she no longer looked like she was on the verge of hurling. “How are you feeling?” I had to yell over the noise.

“Good,” she said, but she shrugged like she wasn’t sure.

I smiled and pulled the deep V of my dress down lower so I could show off more cleavage. Not so much that I looked like a slut, but enough that the military guy headed my way would be sure to stick around.

“Awesome, because I’ve been eyeing a couple guys at the bar and they’re on their way over.”

Annie’s eyes got huge and she sat up straight. When she turned to check out the guys, her expression reminded me of someone who was about to face one of their worst fears. She picked up her glass and downed the rest of her drink. Then she started pulling on her hair and dress, squirming in her seat like she didn’t know what to do with herself. I wanted to sigh, but the guys were too close.

“Relax,” I hissed. “Just smile and act like everything he says is brilliant.”

They stopped next to our table and I was happy to find that my guy was even better-looking up close, ruggedly handsome with a five o’clock shadow and dark eyes.

“Hi there,” I said, smiling up at him.

“We thought you might be interested in company,” Mr. Ruggedly Handsome said. “We come bearing drinks.”

“Sounds good.” I lightly patted the chair next to me while keeping the smile plastered on my face.

“I’m Mike and this is Jon,” he said as he took the seat.

He held out the drink and our hands brushed as I took it. A flutter of excitement shot through me when he winked. I told myself this was about helping Annie. She had items to cross off her list and it was my duty as a good roommate to do whatever it took to make that happen. But when Mike scooted so close that his knee touched mine, I knew it was a lie. This was about me getting out there. Being wild.

“Are you from around here?” Mike asked.

“Born and raised.” I leaned closer, trying to make it seem as if I was having a tough time hearing him. In reality, I just wanted to make sure he had a good shot of my cleavage. “What about you?”

Mike’s eyes moved down and I giggled. Men were so easy to manipulate sometimes.

Except Liam, apparently.

“Um . . .” He took a drink and looked up, smiling. “Arizona. I’ve been here for almost a year. Was in Texas before that.”

“So what do you do?”

“Pilot.”

“Hot.” I put my hand on his arm and moved even closer. I’d learned to act amazed no matter what a guy said he did or wanted to do, but being a pilot actually did sound really cool. “What kind of plane do you fly?”

“C-17,” he said. “You may remember it from the second Transformers movie. They airdropped Optimus Prime out of a C-17.”

One thing people didn’t realize about me: I was a huge geek on the inside. I loved Transformers. “Wow. You’re practically famous.”

He chuckled. “Not exactly, but if you begged me to autograph your boobs, I wouldn’t say no.”

“I’m not in the habit of begging for anything.” I winked and took a drink of my beer.

Mike’s eyebrows shot up and I giggled.

Annie and her guy seemed to be getting along as well as Mike and I were. She didn’t look as uncomfortable as she usually did, and they were busy chatting about the military and football and God only knew what else. She still didn’t have a clue how to flirt, but at least she wasn’t cowering under the table. Baby steps.

Sitting still was making me antsy, so a little before eleven I suggested we go to a club, which everyone thought was an excellent idea. The sidewalks were super crowded when we headed out, as usual. Charleston is a gorgeous historic city, which brings vacationing families in all summer long, but it also has an amazing nightlife. Classy restaurants in the evening give way to rowdy bars and clubs full of young people out looking for a good time. It has all the benefits of a big city without the expense or overcrowding. Plus, it is a hell of a lot more beautiful than most of the bigger, newer cities up north.

The guys paid our cover when we got to the club, then headed straight for the bar. I gave Annie a wink and she giggled. It was shaping up to be a good night for her. She’s already gotten picked up—number fifteen on her list—and was well on her way to getting Jon’s digits—number sixteen. My own list was pretty impromptu, but one-night stand was on it and Mike was pretty much a sure thing at that point.

The beat from the music and the rhythm of the bodies crowded onto the dance floor swirled together, making the air throb. Strobe lights pulsed from the corners, cutting through the darkness to illuminate the party-goers, and the combined smell of perfume, alcohol, and sweat was more than enough to get my heart pounding. I was ready to party.

I downed the Firefly Mike bought me, then pulled him toward the dance floor. My body was already moving to the beat of the music as I squeezed my way through the throng of sweaty dancers. Mike was right behind me, and the heat from his body made me feel like I was standing on the surface of the sun. I wasn’t sure if it was him or the atmosphere or the alcohol.

When we found a good spot in the crowd, I turned around to face Mike. He put his hands on my hips and pulled me against him so tight I probably could have counted the change in his pocket. I draped my arms around his shoulders and ran my fingers through his sweaty hair as the room around me pulsed. My head felt lighter than a feather and I loved the feeling.

After a few minutes of grinding against each other, Mike turned me around so my back was to him. Annie and Jon were next to us on the dance floor, just as lost in the music as we were. She looked like a totally different person. Free and uninhibited. Dancing like it was second nature. It made a throb of jealousy penetrate my fuzzy brain. I hadn’t felt free since the day of Julie’s accident, but I wanted to. I wanted to be able to make my own choices without feeling the pull of someone else’s expectations on me. I wanted to shed the guilt that seemed to always hang over me like a storm cloud.

Then Jon kissed Annie and the jealousy morphed into lust. I pushed my body closer to Mike, and his hands moved up my sides. It felt like they were coated in lava. Everywhere he touched burned. His hot breath skimmed my neck as he nudged my hair aside, and I leaned my head back to allow him better access.

Annie caught my eye and pointed toward the bar, but I waved her away. I didn’t want a drink. I was intoxicated enough by Mike’s presence, and I was pretty sure if I added alcohol to the mix, we’d both burst into flames. The air around us was that flammable.

I spun around to face Mike and my mouth found his. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me so close it felt like we were fused together. He forced my mouth open with his tongue as I ran my fingers through his damp hair. When he pulled away, he grinned down at me. He wore that self-satisfied smile guys get right before they’re about to get laid.

Then his gaze moved past me to the front of the club, and the smile melted away. His eyes narrowed until they were nothing more than angry slits. “Son of a bitch!”

He pulled away and headed through the crowd, leaving me standing there. It only took two seconds for me to dart after him. I had no idea what he was doing, though. I was too short to see over the crowd and there were way too many people between me and wherever he was headed. But he was pissed. His chest was all puffed out like a rooster and his hands were clenched into fists, like he was ready for a fight.

When we broke through the crowd I caught sight of Annie and Jon. Liam, Ryan, and Chris stood in front of them, and Chris looked like he was ready to wrestle Jon to the ground.

My stomach dropped when I looked at Liam, who was in the middle of trying to talk Chris down. He hadn’t noticed me standing there, so I ducked behind Mike like I was playing a game of hide-and-seek. I didn’t have a clue why. My heart pounded faster than the beat of the music and I broke out into a sweat that had nothing to do with the heat of the club. Damn. What the hell was wrong with me?

After a couple tense seconds, I heard Liam say, “Walk away, mate.” His voice was barely audible over the crowd.

He pulled Chris toward the door, and as soon as they were out of sight I was able to focus on the situation a little better. Everyone looked like they were on the verge of exploding. Jon’s arm was around Annie’s waist and her face was bright red. I wasn’t sure if she was going to bitch-slap someone or burst into tears.

Ryan stood in front of her without moving. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Having a good time. Where do you guys get off screwing it up?” I said, even though he was looking at Annie.

Ryan looked my way and blinked like he hadn’t noticed me standing there. When he moved closer, the expression on his face reminded me of my dad. How the hell could they look so similar when they weren’t even biologically related?

“I helped you get those IDs under the understanding I would be with you when you used them, Cami.”

“Who the hell is this guy?” Mike asked.

Ryan straightened up and took one step closer to Mike. “Her brother.”

Dammit! Sometimes I hated this whole brother/cousin bullshit game.

“My cousin,” I snapped.

Ryan shook his head and stepped back. The icy glare I shot him could have wilted a head of lettuce, but of course it didn’t faze Ryan. He was used to it.

“Let’s get out of here,” I said, grabbing Mike’s hand and pulling him toward the exit.

My face was so hot I felt on the verge of exploding. It occurred to me I might be abandoning Annie, but I was too pissed to stop. She was with Ryan and Jon, and Chris and Liam were around somewhere too. She’d be well taken care of.

I inhaled deeply when we stepped out onto the street. The air was still sticky and humid, but there was a slight breeze from the bay. It was a hell of a lot cooler than it had been in the club. The sidewalks were clogged with people—mostly drunk. Even though I had no idea where I wanted to go, I knew I needed to get out of there.

Mike draped his arm around my shoulders. “That kill the mood for you?”

He winked, and I could tell it hadn’t fazed him in the least. Hell, the conflict had probably fed some kind of primal part of his ego, dating back to caveman days. If I wasn’t careful, he might just club me over the head and drag me back to his place.

It had killed the mood for me, however. The lust inside me had been replaced by something I couldn’t define. I felt torn between going back inside to get Annie so we could go home and throwing myself at Mike even though I wasn’t turned on anymore. The confusion was an all too familiar feeling. It was how I always felt since Julie’s accident. Lost and muddled. Alone.

I wanted to drown out all the emotions swirling through me, so I stood on my tiptoes and kissed Mike, curling my fingers in his hair. His hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me against him.

“Do you live close?” I whispered against his lips.

He nodded and pulled me toward the street, his lips barely pausing their assault on mine. He must have waved down a cab, but I didn’t notice. I was too focused on how warm and sticky his skin felt under my fingers, and how hot it felt to have his hand tangled in my hair.

He pulled away when the cab came to a stop next to us, and we stumbled inside. I could barely breathe from the kiss, so I took the opportunity to try and calm my burning lungs. My hair was wild and damp from sweat. I pushed it out of my face as Mike gave the driver his address. Just as the cab started to move, I looked back at the club and my eyes met Liam’s. He was leaning up against the wall, right next to the entrance. Watching me. I hadn’t even noticed him standing there.

When Mike’s mouth covered mine, I was still looking out the window at the passing crowds. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to push the image of Liam’s blue eyes out of my mind. Mike’s hand moved to my bare leg and slowly slid up, and I squeezed my eyes tighter. His fingers were soft and teasing, and the throbbing between my thighs begged for relief. My body wanted more, but my mind and heart screamed for me to put an end to it. Right or wrong, I listened to my body.

We kissed the whole way back to his apartment, making out like we weren’t in the back of a cab with every move we made scrutinized by the driver. When the cab screeched to a halt, Mike threw some money the driver’s way and pulled me out onto the sidewalk. The street was dark, lit only by a single bulb hanging above a door to my left. I tried to get a good look around, to figure out exactly what part of the city we were in, but Mike wasn’t making it easy. His mouth never left mine, even as he fumbled with the keys. How he got the door open, I’ll never know, but somehow he managed. Then we climbed the stairs, going at it the whole way.

We stumbled into the apartment, tangled in each other’s arms. I kicked off my shoes, which made me so short I had to stand on the tips of my toes. I felt like a ballerina. A slutty one, but still. Mike’s hand slid up my body to cup my breast while his mouth moved over mine. Every inch of my body buzzed with excitement. I was going to have a one-night stand! Finally!

I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled. He broke away long enough for me to get it over his head, but his mouth was back on mine the second the shirt hit the floor. We were still standing in the middle of the room, and my calves burned from standing on my toes for so long.

“Where’s the bed?” I said against his lips.

He pulled back and jerked his head to the right, and I got my first good look at the place. It was a studio apartment with high ceilings that had an industrial look. The room was open, with the kitchen to my left. A small dining area was set up next to it, with the living room on the other side. To the right was an unmade bed. The only thing blocking it from the rest of the room was a wooden screen. It didn’t offer much privacy.

My heart pounded at the sight of the bed. The thrill I’d felt just a few minutes ago at the thought of sleeping with someone I didn’t know melted away, and I had the sudden urge to hide. Dammit. This wasn’t supposed to be how things were. Sex wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. Isn’t that what everyone said?

Suddenly, it felt like a huge deal.

“How about a drink,” I sputtered.

Mike grinned, then kissed me gently. “Sure. You want a beer?”

I nodded and he headed for the kitchen. He didn’t seem like an asshole, but a sudden disgust came over me at the realization that he’d brought me to his place even though we’d just met. Which was totally hypocritical. Hadn’t I agreed?

He came back with two bottles of Blue Moon, which I hated. I took one anyway and he headed for the couch. My stomach felt so uneasy, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get the beer down, but it didn’t stop me from taking a big swig. It tasted more disgusting than usual.

Mike flopped down on the couch and kicked off his shoes. He was only wearing jeans, and for the first time I got a very good look at him in all his muscled glory. He worked out. A lot.

I took a seat next to him and for a few minutes we drank in silence. The longer we sat there, the more nervous I became. I suddenly felt like I was facing a firing squad, not sitting next to a very good-looking half-naked guy. It was an awful feeling.

I downed the last of my beer and set the bottle on the table, then turned to Mike, forcing out a smile. He grinned back, which showed off the cute little dimple in his left cheek. He didn’t resist when I took the bottle out of his hand. When I hiked up my dress so I could straddle him, his smile got bigger.

“I thought you were going to change your mind,” he said, putting his hands on my hips, then running them up my back.

“I don’t usually do this kind of thing,” I responded, leaning forward so I could press my lips against his.

He groaned and shifted under me. Heat pulsed through me once again. Yes. I could do this. I just needed to focus.

I put everything I had into kissing him. Pretty soon my zipper was undone and my dress pulled down, then my bra was gone. We were still on the couch, but things were heating up fast. Then Mike stood, lifting me off the couch with him, carrying me across the room as our tongues moved against one another.

He laid me on the bed and his lips left mine, trailing their way down my neck and chest to my stomach. Pulling my dress down along the way. Leaving me in nothing but my pink lacy thong. I opened my eyes to find him hovering over me, his own pants discarded on the floor. He wore nothing but gray boxer briefs that looked like they were about three sizes too small.

He joined me on the bed and we kissed as his rough hands moved over my body, teasing me until I was writhing under him. I was so hot. So ready. I wanted to take the next step and be crazy and wild and have sex with a total stranger. Make Julie proud.

“Do you have a condom?” I said against his lips.

He nodded and pulled away, reaching for the drawer in the bedside table. My heart thumped in my ears. It was so loud I could hardly focus on anything else.

“Shit.” Mike jumped off the bed and gave me a sheepish smile. He had an empty box in his hand. “I’m all out.”

Nope. No way. I sat up, crossing my arms over my chest. “Then this isn’t happening.”

“Wait!” He motioned for me to stay where I was, then scooped his pants up off the floor. “I’ll get some. My neighbor across the hall will have them. Just hold on!”

He shoved one leg into his jeans and hopped across the room while he tried to force the other one in. He didn’t even have them up all the way when he opened the front door. Then he shut it behind him, leaving me alone. I threw myself back against the mattress. The thump of Mike banging on his neighbor’s door echoed through the apartment.

My heartbeat slowed as I stared at the ceiling. Being alone in the apartment was surreal. Like I was watching a movie. It didn’t feel like me. I was naked and alone and I had no clue where the hell I was. I hadn’t paid any attention to where the cab took us, and I didn’t even know Mike’s last name!

A sudden chill came over me and I shivered. I wiggled in the bed until I was able to untangle the sheet and pull it over me. It didn’t seem like enough, especially considering Mike was out in the hall trying to get a condom. So we could have sex.

What the hell was I doing?

I wasn’t a virgin, not by a long shot. But I’d only slept with two other guys, and both of them I’d dated for six months before I finally gave in. Okay, five and a half months with the second one, but he was hot and I didn’t want to wait any longer. Still! Mike was a stranger!

A stranger who brought women back to his apartment. How often had he done this? Who had he been with? I thought back to the bar and the club, and all the skanky girls I’d seen. Some had been okay, but others looked like they’d been around the block about eighty times. What if one of them had been here yesterday? In this very same bed? I shuddered. No way did I want to follow that act.

The sound of voices penetrated the wall and I heard Mike chuckle. I knew he’d be back any second, and then I’d be forced to make a choice. Condom or not, there was no way in hell I was going to let his possibly diseased thing near me. I didn’t want to get skankitis.

I’m sorry, Julie, but this isn’t me. I can’t do this right now.

The doorknob jiggled. I rolled onto my side and squeezed my eyes shut. My heart was pounding, so I had to work hard to slow my breathing. I wanted it to look real. Like I’d fallen asleep waiting for him.

Footsteps pounded against the hardwood floor and my heart beat faster. I couldn’t get it to calm down. I only hoped Mike was so drunk he wouldn’t notice.

“Got some.” The footsteps stopped. “Cami?”

I kept my face smooth and focused on breathing in and out.

He took a step closer. “Cami? Dammit,” he muttered, “I guess we shouldn’t have had that last beer.”

He sighed, and I couldn’t tell for sure, but I thought he dropped his pants. My heart pounded harder as he walked toward the bed. The lamp clicked and the small amount of light penetrating my eyelids disappeared. The room was pitch black. The other side of the bed dipped when he crawled in next to me, and my body stiffened involuntarily. I waited for something to happen. For him to touch me. If he did I’d claw his eyes out.

Fortunately, all Mike did was roll over next to me and pull the covers over his body. I couldn’t move, but I also couldn’t relax enough to fall asleep. Within minutes Mike’s breathing was heavier and I knew he was out, but I couldn’t calm my heart down or get my brain to shut off. I knew I wouldn’t sleep a wink. I was too afraid this stranger was going to attack me.

This is by far the dumbest thing you’ve ever done, Cami.

11

My bladder was cursing me when I woke up the next morning. I couldn’t believe I’d been able to fall asleep. I’d thought I would lie awake for hours, just staring into the darkness, listening to Mike’s heavy breathing. I sure as hell didn’t feel like I’d gotten any rest.

It was barely light in the apartment, but I wasn’t sure if the dimness was due to the heavy curtains or if it was still dark outside. I rolled out of bed, careful not to wake Mike, who was passed out on his stomach next to me wearing nothing but his boxer briefs. If I hadn’t already felt like a total slut, I would have when I saw him lying there. Without the alcohol in my blood or the haze in my brain, I couldn’t remember why in the world I’d decided to do something so ridiculous. The guy could have been an asshole or a rapist or a murderer, and I’d just let him lead me to his apartment like a big dummy. In the light of day, it seemed like the perfect way to end up as a headline on the Yahoo! news page. Naïve college co-ed goes home with axe murderer. Ends up cut into a million tiny pieces.

I didn’t have a clue where the bathroom was, but it was a studio apartment, so I headed for the only door I could find. It turned out to be the right place, and in the privacy of the bathroom I planned my escape. I would grab my dress and bra off the floor of the bedroom, and I knew my shoes were by the door. My purse had to be with them. I didn’t remember dropping it when we came in, but there was no way I’d left it at the bar. Once I was dressed, I’d sneak out and never have to see Mike again.

It was foolproof.

Except when I stepped out of the bathroom Mike was in the kitchen making coffee. My heart jumped to my throat and I froze, wishing I had a weapon to defend myself just in case he did turn out to be a psycho who refused to let me leave. Now what the hell was I supposed to do?

“Morning,” Mike called, turning to face me.

Unfortunately, I was still wearing nothing but my itsy bitsy thong. My cheeks burst into flames and I crossed my arms over my chest. My skinny arms didn’t hide much. If I could have kept my boobs covered and slapped myself on the forehead, I would have.

“Morning.” I had a hard time meeting his gaze, but I wanted to keep him in my line of vision. You know, just in case he decided to attack.

“You kind of fell asleep on me last night. Well, not on me. That at least would have been something.” He grinned and leaned his hip against the counter. Very casual, which helped me relax a tiny bit.

My cheeks got even hotter than they already were and I shuffled awkwardly. “Um . . . yeah, sorry about that. I guess I drank a little too much. I don’t really know what happened, it’s all kind of fuzzy. I mean, this isn’t something I usually do. Going home with a guy like this, I mean. Not that I judge anyone else for doing it, I just don’t know if it was the best idea.”

I was, of course, rambling again. The more I talked the bigger Mike’s grin got, and the more he smiled, the more I talked. I couldn’t seem to stop and I felt like I was saying the same thing over and over again. Not that I knew for sure, because after about thirty seconds of running my mouth I lost track of everything coming out of it.

Finally, I blurted out, “Feel free to stop me any time you want. If you don’t I’m liable to keep you here the whole day blathering on about every little thought that enters my mind. It’s kind of a problem with me.”

Mike chuckled and pushed himself off the counter. “Don’t worry about it. It isn’t really something I do either.”

“It isn’t?” My arms fell to my sides. Then I remembered I was naked and crossed them over my chest again.

“Nope. I recently got out of a serious relationship. My ex-fiancée decided she couldn’t do the whole military wife thing after all. Dumped me a couple weeks before our wedding.”

“Oh shit,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

Mike let out a long, deep breath and shook his head. Almost like he still couldn’t believe it. “Yeah. It happened about six months ago. I can’t say I’m really over it, but I’ve decided it’s time to move on. Last night was my first night out in a while and Jon was determined to help get me laid.”

“Sorry that didn’t pan out.” It was a half-hearted apology, and I was sure he noticed.

“It’s okay. I’m not really sure if the whole one-night stand thing is really me anyway.”

“So you’re saying you’re glad we didn’t end up having sex?” I didn’t believe that for a second. If he tried to convince me it was true, I’d know his whole story was bullshit.

Mike coughed and tried to bite back a smile, but he didn’t succeed. “Um . . . I’m pretty sure if I said that you’d know I was lying. I mean, I’m still a guy and I had a really hot naked chick in my bed.” He shrugged but didn’t look ashamed to be admitting the truth. “I wouldn’t be hating myself right now, that’s for sure.”

I laughed so he’d know I wasn’t upset. Surprisingly, Mike had turned out to be a pretty nice guy. He didn’t attack me or even try to make me feel like shit. Of course, that didn’t mean I was sorry I’d faked passing out, but I didn’t hate myself quite as much as before. I couldn’t really blame the guy for wanting to erase his ex from his mind. Especially after the way she screwed him over.

“Okay. I think I’m going to go find my dress now.” I turned and headed toward the bedroom, throwing over my shoulder, “Try not to stare at my ass too much.”

Mike chuckled behind me as he most definitely watched me walk away.

My dress was right where I’d left it, but my bra was MIA. After searching around the bed and between the covers, I ended up on my hands and knees so I could look under the bed. I would have just left the damn thing, but Victoria’s Secret charges way too much for a bra. No way was I going to just walk away and leave it at some random guy’s apartment.

After I replayed the events of the night, I realized Mike had taken it off me while we were in the living room. I put my dress on without it and headed back out, only to find my bra lying on the floor right in front of the couch. I scooped it up as I glanced toward the door, where I knew my shoes were, and was relieved to see my purse lying on the floor next to them. Thank God I hadn’t left it at the bar.

Mike was at the little kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a plate of waffles in front of him. “Sit down,” he said, waving toward a second mug and a plate. “Eat.”

He’d made me breakfast? Could he be any more adorable? Probably not. My stomach growled and a warm feeling surged through me as I stood there, watching Mike. He was shirtless and his dark hair was totally messy. He stared at me expectantly while he waited for me to sit down.

“Um . . . I was thinking of heading out.” My stomach growled, but the need to get away was still there. I didn’t feel like me, and I was anxious to leave.

Mike shoved the chair away from the table and patted it. “No way. I’ll give you a lift after you eat something. I’m not going to make you do the walk of shame.”

A reluctant smile turned up my lips, and for some reason I found myself sitting down. “It’s still the walk of shame if you drive me.”

“Whatever. I’m still driving you.”

My stomach rumbled again when I looked at the waffles, so I gave in and took a big bite. They were Eggo, but they still tasted amazing after a night of drinking. I shoveled them in like I hadn’t eaten in a week.

“Thanks,” I said between bites.

“No problem,” Mike said with a grin, then took a sip of his coffee.

He really was cute.

We ate in silence for a few minutes, but every once in a while Mike would look up and study me. I squirmed and looked down to make sure I hadn’t forgotten an important article of clothing, but everything seemed to be in order. Still, the look he gave me was making me feel insanely self-conscious. I was sure my makeup was so smeared I could have passed for a member of KISS, and my hair had to be in huge knots. Was Mike trying to figure out why he’d brought me home with him the night before? He was probably marveling over the wonders of beer goggles.

“Listen,” he finally said, “I’m not looking for a serious relationship or anything, but I did have a really good time with you last night. Maybe you could give me your number and we can hang out some time?”

That wasn’t exactly what I’d been expecting. I chewed my waffle slowly while I considered it. I was kind of dating Liam, but of course that hadn’t stopped me from going home with Mike the night before. And I didn’t want to give Liam the wrong idea. We could hang out and have a good time, but we weren’t exclusive or anything. Plus, dating two guys at once did sound like a good alternative to the whole one-night stand thing. At least for the time being.

I nodded and finally swallowed my waffles. I’d been chewing them so long I probably looked like a cow. “Yeah. We could do that.”

Annie was still in bed when I got back to the dorm. She rolled over and blinked at me like she wasn’t sure where she was or who had walked into her room. “What time is it?”

“Just after ten.” I tore my dress off and tossed it on top of my huge pile of dirty clothes. That was really something I needed to take care of, but it was Sunday. A day to rest. “Did you and Chris kiss and make up last night?” I asked Annie as I stared at the pile of clothes like they would get up and take care of themselves. They didn’t.

She pulled her pillow over her head. “Not exactly.”

What did that mean? I looked up and narrowed my eyes on Annie, who was huddled under her blankets. When I’d left her, she had been standing between Chris and Jon. Did that mean . . .

I ripped the pillow off her head and grinned from ear to ear. “Did you go home with Jon?”

For a brief moment, she looked like she was going to be sick. “No. The drama kind of killed the mood.”

“That sucks,” I said as the smile melted off my face.

Annie rolled away from me, hiding her face in her pillow. “You’re telling me.”

When I crossed my arms over my chest it occurred to me I was totally naked. Not that I cared. Annie had seen it before. I didn’t have a whole lot of modesty. “So how did you get home?”

“Ryan got me a cab.” Her face was still buried in her pillow, so the words came out muffled.

“Bummer,” I said as I headed to the bathroom. It was starting to seem as if Annie was never going to lose it. I felt for the girl.

“I guess you had a good time,” she called after me.

“Yup!” I said before I could stop myself.

I couldn’t decide whether or not that was true, though. There had been moments that were freaking amazing, and moments when I’d felt like I wanted to curl in on myself and disappear. But Mike had ended up being a nice guy, so the night hadn’t been a total waste.

I went through the motions of getting ready for the day without really focusing on what I was doing. My mind was occupied with what had gone on the night before and my mouth was moving on its own. Without really knowing it, I found myself bragging about Mike like he was just another notch in my bedpost. Which didn’t make a lick of sense considering I’d pretended to fall asleep. I had no clue why I was lying to Annie about it. Was it because if I admitted the truth I’d be letting Julie down even more? Sometimes even I didn’t understand how my brain worked.

“I think I’m going to the beach today,” I declared. “It’s gorgeous outside and pretty soon it will be too cold, so we should take advantage of the weather. I’ll call Ryan. He’ll give us a ride for sure.”

Annie finally dragged herself out of bed and headed to the bathroom without answering. I took it as a sign she was in and grabbed my phone. Unfortunately, Ryan’s phone went straight to voice mail. Dammit. Now how was I going to get there? Ryan was the only one who had a car! Maybe I should have worked for Dad over the summer after all.

No, Mike had a car too. He’d given me a lift back to the dorm, and he’d mentioned he didn’t have any plans for the day. Would it be weird to call him so soon? I wasn’t totally sure how he’d react, but I wanted to go to the beach bad enough to risk it, so I pulled up his contact info and hit SEND. If he didn’t want to talk to me, he’d just ignore the call. Right?

He picked up on the second ring. “Hey. That was fast. You miss me or something?”

“No, silly.” I giggled. “It’s so nice outside and I want to go to the beach, but I don’t have a car. What do you say? You interested?”

“So you’re just using me for my car?”

“Of course not! We said we were going to hang out. Why not start now?”

“Good point. Of course, right before your call I made plans with my couch and Xbox, so you’re going to have to make it worth my while. I’ll drive you, but only if you promise to wear the skimpiest bikini imaginable.”

“Whose imagination are you talking about? Mine or yours? I’m not sure I have anything that would live up to what you have floating around in that filthy mind of yours.”

He chuckled. “See, we just met and already you know how my mind works.”

“You’re a guy—you aren’t that hard to read.”

“Good point. What time will you be ready to head to the beach?”

“Whenever you want to come get me.”

“Give me thirty minutes.”

After I hung up, I dug out all the swimsuits I owned. There were strings and little triangles in various colors covering my bed, but it only took me about two seconds to choose the red one. It was the one that always made my mama frown in disapproval.

After I was dressed and ready to go, I found myself staring at my desk drawer. Where I kept my notebook. I swear I stood there for ten minutes gawking at the desk as if I were in some kind of hypnotic state. It had a strange pull on me sometimes, like a spaceship being sucked into a black hole in some sci-fi movie. For some reason, though, I found myself pulling back. I wasn’t sure if it had to do with the fact that I actually found myself liking Liam, or if it was because of my failed attempt at a one-night stand. Either way, I resisted.

By the time Annie came out of the bathroom, my stomach was in so many knots I thought those frozen waffles Mike had fed me might make a sudden reappearance. I needed to get out of the dorm room, and fast.

I scooped up my beach bag and towel, then turned to Annie. “Ryan didn’t answer, but Mike is in. Want to go?”

“My head is killing me,” she said. “I think I’m just going to stay here and work on my paper.”

“Suit yourself,” I said. I was way too anxious to argue with her at that point. If she wanted to stay in the room all day with that demon-possessed notebook, that was her choice.

12

Julie—

Okay, so the one night stand thing did not work out. I’m sure you’re disappointed in me, but I think it was too much too soon. Maybe I’ll give it another shot down the road, but for now I’m going to focus on something else: dating two guys at once. Good idea, right? Plus, one is a military guy—never done that before—and the other is British. How hot is that? I’m sure you’d be green with envy if you were here right now.

Liam didn’t text or call me after Saturday night, and it surprised me how disappointed I was. I knew I needed to face him eventually if I wanted to try and pull off dating two guys at once, but I wasn’t looking forward to a possible confrontation. Not that I thought I’d done something wrong, but I was a bit afraid of what he might think. He had seen me get in that cab with a stranger, after all.

Mike, on the other hand, did text me. We’d had a lot of fun at the beach, and the more time I spent with him, the more I realized he’d been telling me the truth. He was not a one-night stand kind of guy.

I didn’t see Liam again until the following Wednesday. I was running late to Dr. Houseman’s office—go figure—and almost ran right into Liam when I turned onto King Street. What are the odds?

“Shit! Liam, I’m sorry!” I came to a stop within inches of him, which, I’m not going to lie, was a really nice place to be.

He grabbed my arms to steady me, but dropped his hands the second he was certain I wasn’t going to fall on my ass. “You okay?”

I nodded and glanced down the street. The office was only about ten feet away and I was really late, but there was no way in hell I could go in there with Liam right in front of me. I couldn’t let him know I was in therapy. He’d think I was nuts. And not in an adorable way.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, tearing my eyes away from the office and smiling up at Liam.

He tilted his head to the side like he was trying to figure me out, which was so cute my heart actually quivered. “You in a rush?”

I shook my head and tried not to let his blue eyes hypnotize me. It wasn’t easy. “Just out for a walk. Trying to clear my head. You know how it is. There’s so much going on in there I sometimes feel like I’m suffocating. The fresh air helps.”

He narrowed his eyes on my face and I squirmed uncomfortably. He didn’t believe me and I couldn’t blame him. It was still super hot out, and I’d complained about how much I hated being all sweaty too many times for him to buy my explanation.

“I’m sure you’re in a hurry, though,” I said, hoping he’d take the hint and leave. Then I could make my appointment without giving away how messed up my brain really was.

Liam shook his head and his blond hair flopped over his ears. Thanks to the humidity, it had curled at the base of his neck, making him look even more adorable than usual. “Actually, I’ve nowhere to be. Fancy a walk? We could grab dinner after.”

I gnawed on my bottom lip while I thought the whole thing through. If I said no, he might leave and give me a chance to escape into Dr. Houseman’s office. But he might not. There was always the possibility he’d stand there, waiting to see where I went. Then I’d lose out on my appointment and a free dinner. Plus, I’d missed talking to him the last couple of days.

It was okay to skip one week of therapy, right?

“Yeah,” I finally said, doing my best to ignore the way my stomach twisted with guilt. “Let’s do it.”

Liam chuckled and slung his arm over my shoulders. “You just can’t control yourself around me, can you?”

I pressed my lips together to try and hold back my smile, which didn’t work at all. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for the accent.”

He laughed and spun me around, heading in the opposite direction. I snuck one final look at Dr. Houseman’s office as we turned the corner, and my stomach clenched. Which was just dumb. It wasn’t like Julie was going to start haunting me if I missed one week.

Liam dropped his arm after a few minutes and we walked side by side down Calhoun Street. We passed College Lodge, then Marion Square Park. Before long the bay came into view. It was late afternoon, but the sun was still pretty high. The rays reflected off the water, making it sparkle. The humidity was still just as stifling, but the breeze coming from the far-off ocean was nice. Cool, even.

When we had reached the South Carolina Aquarium, the silence between us had turned suffocating. I wasn’t used to being with someone for so long without conversation, and I felt like Liam had something very specific on his mind. It probably had to do with the other night.

By the time we reached the bay, I couldn’t stand the suspense any longer.

“Are you going to bring up Saturday night?” I blurted out.

Liam stopped in his tracks and turned to face me. His expression was pained, almost as if thinking about it hurt. “I’m not your boyfriend, so I don’t have the right to tell you what to do. It’s not like I’ve never picked somebody up at a pub.”

A sharp pain stabbed me in the heart at the thought of Liam taking some random girl back to his place. Was that what he’d done after I left the club with Mike? I couldn’t even think about it, and I didn’t want him doing it again. That was for sure. But it wasn’t like I could tell him to stop.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him the truth about what had happened, but the words stuck in my throat. I’d only be doing it to prove something to him, although I wasn’t sure what that was quite yet. Like Liam said, he wasn’t my boyfriend. I didn’t have any more of a right to tell him what to do than he had to tell me what to do.

We were standing in the middle of the sidewalk just staring at each other. People had to walk around us, and a few even shot us dirty looks as they went by. I didn’t care, though. I just needed to figure out what expectations Liam had for me so we could move on.

“I’m not looking for something serious, Liam, and I didn’t think you were either,” I finally said. “It’s just not something I can do. There are too many other things going on with me right now. I’m not whole enough.”

Liam flashed me a lopsided grin. “I may be turning over a new leaf, but I’m not ready to settle down.”

“So we’re just having fun?” I asked, feeling somewhat relieved. The conversation had been a lot easier than I’d thought.

“Fun.” Liam grabbed my hand and started walking.

I let him lace his fingers through mine even though the gesture seemed more sweet than fun. In truth, I liked the feeling of his skin against mine. It was warm and inviting and reassuring. Just like he was.

I spent the next couple weeks dividing my time between Liam and Mike. Whether it was lunch or dinner, Liam took me out to a different place every time we got together; only I wasn’t sure if he was doing it to avoid Ryan or to avoid being alone with me. Liam was insanely polite when we were together, which drove me wild whenever we did kiss.

Mike, on the other hand, always had me over to his place. We spent most of our time tangled together on the couch or in bed, half dressed. I felt like he was using me to rid his apartment of the ex-fiancée smell. Not that I was complaining. I couldn’t get anywhere near home base with Liam, and Mike was a fun alternative. Sexy and sweet and a fantastic kisser.

I hadn’t really mentioned to either one of the guys that I was seeing the other, though. Mike had flat-out told me this was a rebound thing for him, and Liam had insisted he wasn’t interested in anything serious. Plus, I didn’t really feel I owed it to either one of them to explain myself. It’s not like I thought Liam was sitting at home on his couch whenever we weren’t together, pining over me. That was just nuts. Of course, I knew they were going to find out about each other eventually. It was only a matter of time.

It was exactly two weeks after my conversation with Liam when things finally changed. I’d headed over to Mike’s after my therapy session, and he and I had worked up quite an appetite on his couch. He didn’t have any food in his place since he was getting ready to go on a mission, so we decided to head down the street to a little deli on the corner.

It was late evening and the sun had almost set, but the air was still warm and humid. Mike and I were in a good mood, teasing each other as we headed through the crowds. Being with him was nice and comfortable, but even I had to admit the heat was starting to wear off. I liked Mike a lot, but it could never be anything long-term. We just didn’t have that kind of connection.

The deli was crowded, so we had to wait in line behind four other people. When Mike grinned down at me, I was able to get a really good look at him for the first time since we’d left his apartment. He looked like he’d just gone for a drive in a convertible with the top down.

I swiped my hand across his head and giggled. “You have sex hair!”

“No I don’t,” he said, trying to smooth it down.

“You so do! Like major sex hair!” I was laughing so hard the people in front of us turned to stare, but I couldn’t control myself.

Mike grinned back at me as he ran his hands across his head over and over again, but it didn’t help. “Guess it’s time for a haircut.” He wouldn’t stop trying to flatten it.

The front door opened and a gust of warm air hit me in the back. Someone came in, then it swung shut, but I didn’t bother looking their way. I was too busy giggling.

“I wouldn’t talk.” Mike grabbed a handful of my hair and gave it a tug. “You have quite the sex hair going on yourself.”

“I do not! I brushed my hair before we left your place.”

I laughed and swatted Mike’s hand away as I took a step back, bumping into the person behind me.

“Sorry,” I said, turning around and coming face to face with Liam. My laughter morphed into a noise that sounded like I was choking. “Liam? What are you doing here?”

“Getting something to eat,” he said flatly. His blue eyes were focused on Mike, not me.

“Hey, what’s up?” Mike stepped forward and extended his hand toward Liam. “I’m Mike.”

Liam pressed his lips together and turned his gaze to me. He didn’t take Mike’s hand. For a long moment the three of us stood in an awkward circle, Mike with his hand out, Liam staring, looking back and forth between the two of us, me wishing I could turn back time and ignore my growling stomach.

“Okay.” Mike finally dropped his hand. He looked at me briefly before turning around so he could get back in line. Unlike Liam, he didn’t look very upset by the situation.

Liam ripped his eyes away from Mike and they swept over me, as if he was checking to see if I really did have sex hair. As if he would know. We hadn’t gotten anywhere near sex hair territory since the night of Annie’s birthday party.

“What are you doing Saturday?” he said when his eyes were back on mine.

I blinked at least sixty times. “What?”

“Saturday. My frat’s having a beach party.”

“Okay . . .” I couldn’t quite figure out how we’d gotten from that weird stand-off to an invitation to a beach party, but I wasn’t opposed to it. I loved the beach. Loved putting on a bikini. It sounded like fun.

“If you’re not already occupied, that is.” Liam’s eyes went behind me. To Mike.

I blew out a long breath. Why did relationships have to get so complicated? “I’m free, and it sounds like fun.”

Liam nodded and started to back away. “Good. See you then.”

“Wait! Aren’t you eating?”

He shook his head, and finally grinned. “Naw. Saw you come in, so I thought I’d say hi.” He shrugged and seemed to relax. Almost like he’d talked himself out of being upset. The whole thing was weird. Like we were in The Twilight Zone.

Liam slipped out the door and I turned back to Mike. “Sorry. That was weird.”

“Let me guess. You’re dating him.” Mike smiled like it was no big deal. Which it shouldn’t have been.

My face scrunched up, and even though I tried to smooth it out because I knew the expression was totally hideous, I couldn’t. “Yes? I don’t know. I thought we were just having a good time, but I think he may actually want to date just me.”

Mike nodded, but before he could say anything, it was our turn to order. We got a couple sandwiches and ate them as we walked down the street. Chewing made it impossible to really talk, which for once was fine with me. I was too busy thinking about Liam and how he’d acted. And how horrible I’d felt when I realized he’d overheard my conversation with Mike. It was a pretty crappy way for him to find out I was seeing someone else, and after that whole mess, he had to think Mike and I were sleeping together. We weren’t, though. I wasn’t exactly positive why. He was willing, that’s for sure, but I found myself holding back for some reason. After running into Liam, I had a suspicion the reason had blond hair and blue eyes and a dead sexy British accent.

Shit.

By the time my sandwich was gone, I’d pretty much made up my mind the whole thing with Mike had gotten too complicated. He was on the rebound and he couldn’t be thrilled about wasting time with a girl who wouldn’t give it up. After seeing the expression on Liam’s face, there was no way I’d be able to do it now. Plus, I liked Liam. Mike had been a nice distraction, but I knew when it was time to move on.

“So, I think maybe we should part ways,” I said, not really looking at Mike, but trying to get a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye.

He nodded and let out a deep breath, but he didn’t seem shocked. “Yeah. Seems like your friend might make all of this a waste of time for you.”

“For me?” I stopped walking and turned to face him. “To be honest, I was feeling bad for you. Don’t most guys look for sex when they’re on the rebound?”

He grinned and nudged me playfully. “I’m not going to lie, that would have been nice. But I’ve had fun. Really.”

Mike chuckled and ran his hand over his head, which suddenly reminded me of the first day I’d met Liam. How I’d teased him about his imitation sex hair. He’d been a goal of mine since day one, but now it felt different. I wasn’t sure when things with him had changed.

“I’ve had fun too,” I said. “I’m really glad I met you.”

Mike wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. It was unexpected, but nice and friendly, and I loved that we were parting on good terms. He wasn’t hurt or jealous or angry.

When he pulled back, he smiled down at me. “If you get bored or things don’t work out with the British guy, keep me in mind.”

I returned his smile, but for some reason I had a feeling I was never going to see Mike again. “I will.”

13

I was really looking forward to the beach party for a few reasons. One, any time I got to put on a bikini, I knew it was going to be a good day. Two, it was probably going to be one of the last times we’d get to go to the beach. It was getting into fall and soon the air would be too chilly to lie out, and even though we’d have warm days well into early November, it wouldn’t be the right weather for the beach.

Annie and I rode out to Folly Beach with Ryan, Chris, and the chick Ryan was dating. It was a bit awkward, being shoved in the back with Chris and Annie. Their whole relationship was kind of up in the air. He liked her and she liked him, but I sensed there was someone else for Annie too. I didn’t know who and I didn’t ask, but it was clear Chris liked her a lot more than she liked him. He just couldn’t get it through his head that she wasn’t ready to jump into a serious relationship. She’d barely had any fun in her life, so I couldn’t really blame her for it.

Liam must have been keeping an eye out for us, because he was there waiting when I crawled out of the back of Ryan’s Civic. “ ’Bout time you showed up.”

“You should know by now that Cami is high-maintenance,” Ryan said.

I flipped my dark hair over my shoulder and shrugged. “I can’t help it if I like to look good.”

“I kind of like that about her.” Liam’s grin got wider and he draped his arm over my shoulders.

Ryan’s eyebrows shot up, but I was too stunned to react for a few seconds. Liam had been pretty adamant about not letting Ryan know we had something going on. What the hell had changed?

“Umm . . . Okay.” Ryan narrowed his eyes on me and I squirmed.

Liam just pulled me closer, which for some reason annoyed me. He wasn’t my boyfriend, and part of the fun of going to the beach was having guys ogle me. They weren’t going to do that if Liam was all over me the whole time. I wasn’t really sure where the boyfriend bit was coming from, but I wanted to put some distance between us stat.

“Let’s go play some sand volleyball,” Ryan’s girlfriend said. Honestly, I didn’t even know her name, but I knew they’d met at Annie’s birthday party. This girl and Annie had a couple classes together or something. I wasn’t totally sure and it didn’t matter. This chick was definitely a temporary part of Ryan’s life, so it didn’t seem worth it to me to learn anything about her.

She grabbed his hand and hauled him away. Chris followed, even though he was staring at Annie like he wanted her to beg him to stay. Annie didn’t meet his eyes. She still looked a little gray from the car ride, so I used it as an excuse to wiggle out of Liam’s grasp.

“Annie was feeling a little motion sick in the car.” I gave Liam an apologetic look as I grabbed Annie’s hand and pulled her away. “Let’s go get you something to drink.”

Liam’s smile faltered, but he tried to shrug it off. “Okay. I’ll catch you later?”

“Sure!” I called over my shoulder as I dragged Annie through the crowd. I could feel Liam’s eyes on me every step of the way.

We got her a bottle of water and after a few minutes she seemed a little better. I was itching to get my blanket set up so I could stretch out and catch some rays. I’d been at the beach for about ten minutes and my cover-up was still on, which was just wrong.

“You feeling okay?” I asked.

“Yup.” Annie finished the water and crunched the bottle between her hands violently. If I didn’t know how gentle she was, I would have thought she was pretending it was someone’s head.

She glanced toward the sand volleyball court. Ryan spiked the ball and the dark-haired girl he was dating gave him a high-five. I didn’t get their relationship. I’d heard a few things about her, and one of the girls in my speech class had called her a slut. She didn’t really seem to fit with Ryan. He usually went for girls more like Annie.

“You want to play volleyball?” I asked hesitantly. I knew she’d played in high school and I didn’t want to deprive her of something she enjoyed, even if lying on the beach for the whole world to admire sounded a hell of a lot more fun to me.

Annie shook her head and headed toward the beach. “No. Let’s go lay out.”

Thank God!

We got our little oasis set up on the sand and I joyfully stretched out. My tan was phenomenal, but I wanted to be sure to soak up as much sun as I could manage. This baby had to last me through the winter months.

Annie covered herself in sunblock, but her skin was so pale I was pretty sure she would burn anyway. I swear, SPF one million may not have been enough to keep her from turning into a tomato.

I stretched out on my stomach and tried to relax, but sitting still and being quiet didn’t come naturally to me. After less than fifteen minutes I found myself studying the people at the party. My eyes landed on Liam, only ten feet or so away from where I was lying, and my insides clenched with what I could only assume was jealousy. Some blond bimbo was draped all over him, giggling like a fool while her boobs practically fell out of her bikini top. It didn’t matter to me that I acted the same way most of the time, or that I also had a bad habit of wearing a too-small swimsuit. I still wanted to claw her eyes out and spit in the empty sockets.

I rolled over to face Annie before I did something stupid. Like charge the bitch hanging all over Liam. He was probably just flirting to make me jealous, anyway. “Let’s do something fun this week. We haven’t worked on your list since that night we went out. I’ve been spending too much time with Liam, I think.”

Annie glanced Liam’s way and when I followed her gaze, my eyes met his. The smug expression on his face confirmed my suspicions. He’d wanted me to see him with that chick. Damn him! I hated that his plan was working.

“I thought he wasn’t the relationship type?” Annie said.

“So did I,” I huffed, turning away from him.

I scanned the beach while my blood simmered, and my gaze landed on a group of guys not too far from us. They were dangerous-looking. Covered in tattoos and piercings. Smoking. A couple of them were actually pretty hot, though. Like the bad boy you’d bring home to piss your mom and dad off. Sexy and brooding and probably lethal. It gave me a great idea. Two could play at Liam’s game.

“Smoking’s on your list,” I said, tilting my head toward the guys.

Before Annie even had the chance to check them out for herself, I was on my feet, pulling her up after me. She didn’t resist and she didn’t drag her feet either. She headed straight toward the group of delinquents like she was ready to dive in. So was I, to be honest. If Liam wanted to play games, I was going all in.

A couple guys had been throwing a football back and forth, but stopped when they saw us coming. All six of them turned to watch our approach, and my eyes zeroed in on the really beefy tattooed guy who looked like he lived in the gym. He stood frozen in place, holding the football as if he couldn’t decide whether he should keep throwing it or head over to see what was going on. I flashed him a smile, but it took him a few seconds to return it. Geez. He must have traded his brains in for the biceps he was sporting.

When we stopped, I turned my attention to the guy in front of us. He was good-looking and built, with way more tattoos than the others. Plus, a few piercings. He studied us quietly for a moment, paying special attention to Annie’s long legs. He was relaxed and confident. The kind of guy who walks into a bar knowing every girl in the place wants him. Even if they don’t.

His eyes stopped on Annie’s face. “You look like honey. Do you taste as sweet?” he said, then took a drag off his cigarette and blew smoke in the air, grinning like he was the cleverest person in the world.

“Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll find out,” Annie replied, raising her eyebrows.

My mouth dropped open and suddenly I was the one who was speechless. Where the hell did that come from? Annie could hardly get a word out in front of Ryan sometimes! I honestly hadn’t thought she had it in her.

Luckily, it only took me a few seconds to find my voice. I flashed the tattooed guy a smile while I sized him up. He couldn’t keep his eyes on Annie’s face, and he was as close to drooling as a “cool” guy like him could get. He seemed like the type who’d just love to get his hands on a sheltered girl like Annie. Yeah, playing up her inexperience was the way to go.

“Maybe you can help us,” I said with a sly smile.

“Maybe I can.” He shrugged as if he was too cool to act interested, but curiosity flashed in his eyes.

“See, Annie here has never smoked and is dying to try it. I thought you’d be the perfect person to introduce her to something new.”

The corner of his mouth turned up as he eyed Annie. Just like I thought, he was all ready to bring her down to his level. “Annie, huh? I like that.” He took another drag off his cigarette and blew smoke right toward her. “Sounds innocent. There’s nothing I like more than corrupting the innocent.”

The guy dug out a cigarette for Annie as we settled onto his blanket. She sat dangerously close to him and looked a hell of a lot more confident than I would have expected her to. But they really only had half of my focus. I was trying to get the attention of the empty-headed muscleman. He was still standing in the same position, staring at me like he didn’t know how to use his legs. I smiled at him for what felt like the bazillionth time while adjusting my bikini top. If I pulled out any more cleavage, they’d have to arrest me for indecent exposure. Thankfully, I didn’t have to go that far. The guy finally took the hint and threw the ball to his friend before heading my way.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Annie put the cigarette in her mouth. She took a puff, sucking the smoke deep into her lungs. Less than two seconds later she let out a little cough.

Annie’s tattooed guy grinned. “I’m Ty.”

Before either one of us could answer, my very own muscleman plopped down next to me. “I’m Mick.”

Now that he was closer and I was able to get a good look at his pecs, I decided to forgive him for being as dumb as a rock. Not every guy was blessed with the full package.

“Cami,” I said, scooting so close my body was pressed right up against his. “I like your tattoo.” I traced my finger up his arm, right over the ridiculous tattoo of Mickey Mouse. Seriously, who got tattoos of cartoon characters?

Mick started telling me about his grandma and how she used to call him Mickey Mouse when he was little. He got the tattoo after she died. It was a strangely sweet story that made me wonder who the hell this guy was and where he came from. To be honest, though, I didn’t give a shit. I could see Liam out of the corner of my eye. Just like I thought, he’d ditched the skanky blonde. He looked like he was on the verge of beating the shit out of Mickey Mouse, and even though I usually didn’t go for the possessive guys, it got me kind of excited. Why the hell did I find that so hot?

Before long, Chris and Ryan had come up to join Liam. Less than five seconds later Mickey Mouse jerked his head toward them and asked, “You two know those guys?”

Annie turned to look at the guys and I did my best to act as if I hadn’t noticed them before. It was hard to keep from smiling, though. Especially when my eyes met Liam’s.

“The tall one is my brother,” I said, holding Liam’s gaze. His face was bunched up in an adorable way.

Mick swore and moved away from me. Seriously? He had to outweigh Ryan by about fifty pounds of pure muscle. What was up with this guy? I needed to start calling him Minnie Mouse. I moved closer and smiled, even though I really wanted to tell him to grow a pair. A new pair, that is. His had probably shriveled to the size of raisins from the steroids.

“Until recently, Annie was dating the one who’s glaring at you like he’d like to slit your throat,” I told Ty, tilting my head toward Chris.

Unlike Minnie Mouse, Ty didn’t seem concerned. “Ex-boyfriend looks pissed.”

“Despite what he thinks, he’s not an ex-boyfriend,” Annie said. “We only went out a few times.”

“You sleep with him?” Ty grinned and it was obvious to everyone—well, maybe not the brainless, spineless Minnie Mouse sitting next to me—that he was fishing for information.

Annie shook her head. “No.”

Ty grinned. He liked that answer. He scooted closer to Annie, then leaned forward like he was going to kiss her. I couldn’t really focus on what they were doing, though. Liam was headed our way, and my heart was beating so hard it was in danger of breaking my ribs.

He stopped in front of me and narrowed his eyes. “What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Just making new friends.” I wasn’t sure why I did it, but I actually scooted closer to Minnie Mouse and focused my eyes on his pecs. I mean, they were nice and all, but I wasn’t really attracted to the guy.

“I think you’re on the wrong side of the ocean.” Ty flicked his cigarette toward Liam and it landed right at his feet.

“Yeah, take a swim, Austin Powers.” Minnie Mouse chuckled and I cringed. Oh my God, the guy was a huge nerd trapped inside the body of a WWE wrestler!

When Liam stepped closer to Minnie Mouse, the expression on his face was sexy as hell. Like he was ready to wrestle the guy for me. “Do I look like Austin Powers to you?”

Minnie Mouse made a move to get up, and I was sure everyone there thought he was going to kick Liam’s ass. I had a strong suspicion he was going to make a run for the hills, though. It didn’t matter to me a whole lot. The look on Liam’s face had me ready to jump him.

I got to my feet and grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the group while I tried to act annoyed instead of incredibly turned on. “God, Liam.”

Once we were a good distance away, Liam jerked his arm out of my grasp and glared down at me. “Is this how it’s going to be? You pick up a new guy every time you leave the house? I don’t like it, Cami.”

“I only did it because you had that blond Hooters waitress draped all over you! You were totally doing that on purpose and you know it, so don’t act all innocent.”

Liam pressed his lips together, but he couldn’t completely hide his smile. “You jealous?”

“No!” I crossed my arms over my chest, totally aware that doing it pushed my boobs up. I grinned when Liam stared right at my cleavage. “So what do you want me to do? Stop seeing other guys?”

Liam ran his hand through his hair and shrugged. “How the hell did this happen?”

So he was as clueless about this whole situation as I was. We were a totally ridiculous pair.

I laughed and said, “I guess you just find me irresistible.”

Liam didn’t smile at my little joke the way I thought he would. He swore and shook his head. “I like you, okay? That’s all I’m going to say.”

“You like me? Seriously? What does that even mean? Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” The whole thing felt oddly similar to the time a boy in my fourth grade class told me he liked my Power Puff Girls backpack, then tried to kiss me on the playground.

Liam threw his hands up as if he didn’t know what the hell was happening. That made two of us. “I don’t know. I just know I like spending time with you. I know you’re seeing that other guy too, but I’m not out shagging anyone else. Got it?”

I rolled my eyes while my stomach jumped. Why was I so freaking happy to know Liam wasn’t sleeping with anyone else? It’s not like he was sleeping with me.

“I’m not sleeping with anyone either, okay? Mike and I . . . We haven’t. That’s all I’m going to say about it. We haven’t. I’m not even sure if we’re going to see each other anymore, to be honest. It was just something to do. To pass the time.” I couldn’t quite bring myself to admit I had called things off with Mike over Liam. It was just too much, too soon.

Liam exhaled, but he seemed to relax after that. He shook his head and looked over my shoulder, and I turned to see what was happening. Ryan was giving Annie a lecture and it looked serious. Surprisingly, she seemed to be giving it right back. I’d never seen her so emotional or heated. What was it about Ryan that brought that out in her?

“I should go save Annie,” I said, turning back to face Liam. “I like you, but I can’t give you more than I’m giving you right now.”

He nodded slowly while he sucked in a mouthful of air. “Just promise me you’ll let me know if you start dating somebody else. I didn’t like seeing you out with some other guy, Cami. It made me feel like rubbish.”

“I promise.” I gave him a smile and nudged him with my elbow. “See you tomorrow maybe?”

Liam snorted and shook his head. He acted like he still couldn’t figure out what was going on. “Tomorrow, yeah. Brilliant.”

I headed over to where Annie and Ryan were still arguing, leaving Liam alone. There was a little part of me that hated myself for turning my back on him. It kind of felt like I was throwing happiness away, which was just dumb.

Annie was packing up by the time I got to her, and Ryan had stomped off.

“I want to get out of here,” she said, shoving her towel in the beach bag.

I couldn’t argue with her. “Okay,” I said, helping her gather up our stuff.

Annie and I got an earful from Ryan on the way home from the beach. I was pretty sure my dad had given him lessons on what to say when he lectured me that would make me feel as young and stupid as possible.

“You need to stop this, Cami. This wild streak is going to get you hurt, and you’re going to end up taking Annie with you.” His hands were wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel, it looked like he was trying to pull it out of the dashboard.

“You’re being unreasonable,” I said, crossing my arms and pushing out my bottom lip.

I wanted to smack him upside the head for treating me like a baby. We were on a public beach in broad daylight with dozens of people from the college twenty feet away. There was no way anything was going to happen to us.

“Ryan’s right,” Annie whispered.

My mouth dropped open as Ryan and Chris both turned to look at Annie. It felt like a total betrayal to me. Now I knew how Julius Caesar had felt.

“What?” Ryan asked, staring at Annie like she’d just spoken Klingon.

“I said, ‘You’re right.’ I’ll be more careful, make better decisions.”

Even though I was super pissed, I couldn’t help remembering how I’d felt lying in Mike’s bed that first night. How awful the situation could have turned out.

Ryan had a good point, so even though I hated to give him any more control in my life, I said, “Fine.”

Ryan laughed like he’d just won some epic battle.

I wanted to take him down a few pegs, so I said, “Liam doesn’t want me to date anyone else anyway.”

Ryan’s smile didn’t fade even a little. “Who would have guessed that my little sister would be the one to finally make that guy stop whoring it up?”

That made me shut up and think. Had I really played a part in changing Liam? It seemed strange considering he was keeping our relationship totally PG-rated. Okay, PG-13, but still. There had to be more to it than he was admitting.

14

Even with Mike out of the picture, I wasn’t totally sure what I wanted to do about Liam. He wasn’t seeing anyone, I wasn’t seeing anyone, and we liked each other. I liked him so much I’d stopped trying to get Annie to go out to bars with me and found myself spending more and more time with Liam. Then there was the whole notebook issue. I hadn’t written to Julie in so long, I couldn’t even remember the last thing I’d told her.

Annie, Ryan, Chris, and I took a road trip to Atlanta the first weekend of October, which gave me a chance to think things through a little more. It was a nice distraction, but more than anything I couldn’t deny how much I missed Liam and wished he had come with us.

I was really losing it.

When we got back, Liam and I started spending more and more time together. It felt like we were in a real relationship. We went out on weekends, had dinner, and then found ourselves back at his place where we made out. No sex. He still wasn’t giving in on that one, which was driving me wild.

By the time November rolled around, I had settled into the routine. What’s more, I was enjoying it. Relaxing. Being with a guy I liked and not having to worry about living up to someone else’s crazy expectations. The guilt inside me had only lessened a little bit, though.

“You still writing in your journal every day?” Dr. Houseman asked, just like he did every week.

I squirmed on the leather couch. I was already feeling uneasy because I’d lied about missing my last session, and here he was bringing other lies I’d told to mind. Like when I said I was still writing in my journal, which was a load of crap. Not like it was going to do me any good anyway. I mean, I knew I needed to talk about my issues, but telling Dr. Houseman I’d given up on Julie just felt wrong.

“Not every day,” I said elusively.

“How often?”

Once in the past month. “A couple times a week.”

He nodded and typed something into his iPad. “Are you still talking to Julie?”

Tears stung at the back of my eyes. No. I wasn’t. Not for a long time. It was like I was moving on or forgetting her and I hated it.

“No,” I whispered.

Dr. Houseman pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes on my face. After a few seconds he said, “You feel bad.”

It wasn’t a question, but I answered anyway. “Yeah. I feel like I’m forgetting her.”

“What about Liam? Are you two dating?”

“We’re seeing each other, yes.”

“And that makes you feel guilty?”

“Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to?”

“Because I want you to admit how you’re feeling. To me, and to yourself.”

“I don’t know how I feel. I’m so confused by this whole thing with Liam, and then there’s the promise I made to Julie. I realize she’ll never know if I don’t keep it, but I’ll know. I’m not sure I’ll be able to live with myself.”

“You need to forgive yourself for what happened to Julie.”

I sighed and got to my feet even though we still had fifteen minutes left. The whole thing was starting to feel like I was watching the same episode of a TV show over and over again. Every week. Only I never got to see the end.

“I think this is a waste of time,” I said, walking toward the door.

Dr. Houseman didn’t try to stop me, which wasn’t really a surprise. After all, it was all up to me. Wasn’t it?

On Friday night Liam and I caught a movie, then headed back to his place. As usual, Ryan was out. My unsuccessful therapy session was making me crazy, and I really wanted to push it out of my mind. I thought doing something big would help, and I was pretty sure Liam could help me with that. I’d done a few crazy things: skinny-dipped in the ocean, had a fling with two guys at once. If I could bag the British guy, Julie would be proud. Right?

I was on Liam the second we set foot in the apartment, shoving him against the wall as I pressed my lips to his. He grinned against my mouth and kissed me back, but it wasn’t desperate the way I wanted it to be. I wanted to feel like he needed me. Like he couldn’t wait another second to take me into his bedroom and rip my clothes off.

I pressed my mouth more firmly against his, moving my lips faster. Pushing my tongue into his mouth while I ran my fingers through his hair. Pulled him closer. Finally, he responded the way I wanted. His hands ran down my back to my ass and he squeezed, then lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he turned us around. My back hit the wall and he kissed me harder, almost violently, like he wanted me to know he owned me.

After a few minutes, he carried me into the living room. We fell on the couch and Liam ended up on top of me with my legs tangled around his waist.

My head was still spinning with thoughts of Julie and Dr. Houseman, and I couldn’t make them stop. I needed them to stop.

I grabbed his hand and shoved it under my shirt. His fingers tickled my bare skin as they slowly worked their way up, then he pulled my bra aside. My entire body jerked as he rolled my nipple between his finger and thumb. I moaned against his lips, grinding my body against his. His fingers teased me and his mouth devoured mine, and all the other thoughts began to fade from my mind.

I reached between us and grabbed the button on his jeans, undoing it in one quick move. When I pulled his zipper down, his lips froze. He moved back an inch, and his blue eyes held mine as I slid my hand inside his boxer briefs. Then I wrapped my fingers around him, and his eyes closed. He groaned.

I kept my eyes on his face as I moved my hand up and down, loving the way he bit his bottom lip, and how his jaw clenched when I touched him just right. I was thinking of how amazing he would feel sliding into me. God, I needed it. He’d been teasing me for way too long.

A few minutes later, Liam grabbed my wrist and made me stop. “We should go into the bedroom. Just in case Ryan comes home.”

My breath caught in my throat as I thought about Liam and me. Naked. Together. Exploring every inch of each other. It sounded like heaven.

He led me back to the bedroom and shut the door behind us. It was the first time he’d ever allowed me into his room—part of that whole turning over a new leaf thing—and we only made it two steps before his mouth was on mine again. We stumbled backwards until my legs hit the bed, and then we were down. Liam’s pants were still unzipped, but we were both fully dressed. I wanted to do something about that as soon as possible, so I pulled away and lifted my shirt over my head, then reached back to unclasp my bra, tossing it aside.

His blue eyes swept over me as he moved his hands up my stomach to cover my breasts. He brushed his thumbs across my nipples, and I moaned. Then his hand moved away from my breast and was replaced by warmth when he closed his mouth over my nipple. Liam rolled his tongue around the hard little point, making me gasp. The throbbing between my legs grew with each flick of his tongue, until I was nothing but a writhing mess under him.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, I grabbed his hand and pushed it down my stomach. Liam undid the button of my jeans with one hand, then rolled away from me long enough to pull them off. He yanked his shirt over his head before rejoining me on the bed. His hand rubbed up my inner thigh and over, then down my other leg. He repeated that move, over and over again. Teasing me. Making me hot and wild with lust.

I couldn’t wait any longer.

“Condom,” I said against his lips.

His hand froze and he pulled away, holding my gaze. Then he laughed. He actually laughed!

I stared at him with eyes the size of the Death Star. “Why are you laughing?”

Liam sat back and ran his hand through his hair. He shook his head and chuckled a little more as I stared, waiting for him to give me a logical explanation as to why he would burst out laughing at the mention of having sex with me.

“Bloody hell,” he said. “I don’t.”

I blinked. “You don’t have a condom?”

“I got rid of them all. Turning over a new leaf, remember?” He rolled his eyes, then threw himself back and stared at the ceiling.

I couldn’t move. What the hell? How was it even possible that Liam didn’t have any condoms in this apartment? I mean, he was Liam! Shouldn’t he be buying them at Costco?

“I can’t believe this,” I muttered.

At that point, I was pretty sure I was never going to get laid.

Liam sighed, but didn’t look my way. “I was trying to be a gentleman.”

“I don’t want a gentleman! Would it turn me on when you pulled my hair if I wanted a gentleman?”

Liam burst out laughing and rolled his head toward me. “You’re something else.”

He turned onto his side and propped his head up on his hand, watching me silently. It would have made me self-conscious since I was practically naked, except I looked damn good without my clothes on. So I just let him stare at me while he processed whatever thoughts were going through his head. Hopefully he was trying to figure out where he could find a condom.

After about a minute he said, “Tell me something about you. Something no one else knows.”

Wow. That was . . . terrifying.

I swallowed and thought of Julie and the notebook and Dr. Houseman, but I couldn’t make myself say any of that. I tried, I swear I did. Twice, actually. But both times the words stuck in my throat until I thought for sure I was going to choke on them. No. I couldn’t share that part of me with Liam. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

“I’m a huge nerd,” I blurted out. Liam let out a little laugh and shook his head as if he didn’t believe me, but I raised my hand. “I’m serious. I like superheroes, the X-Men especially, and sci-fi. I love a good science fiction movie.”

He grinned like I’d just said something that made me even more attractive. “Seriously?”

“Yup. I know it’s not a cool thing to like, but I do. I can’t help it. I even have a few comic books.”

Liam laughed harder, then leaned forward and kissed me. It was so sweet and unexpected, I almost didn’t kiss him back.

“What was that for?” I asked when he’d pulled away.

“Because I think you are adorable.”

I smiled even though something inside me clenched with fear.

Liam let out a big sigh as if he could somehow read my mind, then sat up. “I don’t want to be casual.”

I sat up slowly. “What?”

“Bloody hell! I don’t know how it happened, but I like you, Cami! I haven’t liked a girl like this since Bernadette Driver, and that was when I was ten!” He ran his hand through his imitation sex hair and shook his head, then looked back at me. “I don’t want you shagging anybody else. I think I’ll go mad if I run into you and some other bloke.”

I licked my lips while I tried to figure out exactly what to say. Damn Liam for making this so complicated. I knew I’d regret it if I walked away, but I couldn’t commit to him. Could I? Wouldn’t that be the ultimate betrayal of Julie? Me settling down the very first semester of college. I wasn’t even nineteen yet!

“I don’t know . . .”

Liam sighed again, then looked away. “Just think about it over the holiday. Then you can tell me.”

“Okay.” I nodded and tried to smile, but it felt forced and I was pretty sure my skin was going to crack if I kept it up for too long. Liam barely looked at me.

Damn. Why the hell did he have to decide to turn over a new leaf?

15

I figured Thanksgiving break would be the perfect time to catch my breath and figure out what I wanted to do about Liam. I did really like him. If I said otherwise, I’d be lying. But was I ready to take the next step and settle down? Wouldn’t that be giving up?

Since California was so far away, Annie was coming home with Ryan and me for the break. I was really looking forward to the holiday. My high school friends would be home and Annie would be there. We were going to work on her list, maybe get a tattoo or something. It was going to be a relaxing time away from Liam and all the confusion I’d been feeling.

It was always good to be home.

My heart leapt when Ryan turned the car down our driveway, and I leaned forward, trying to get a better look at the house through the ancient live oak trees with the Spanish moss swaying from their branches. The old, white house came into view and I bounced in my seat. I was so excited to introduce Annie to my parents and show her where Ryan and I had grown up. Our house was like something straight out of Gone with the Wind. I’d spent countless days on that porch when I was little, imagining I was Scarlett O’Hara. Of course, that’s when I was young and stupid and thought living back in that time period would have been romantic. Then I got older and realized how hot and disgusting it must have been. That was before the days of deodorant and indoor plumbing, after all. I bet everyone stank to high heaven.

“Can you see the Ashley River?” I asked Annie, pointing toward the backyard.

I looked over my shoulder, smiling excitedly, but she barely nodded. Her face was so pale, she looked like she was about to be sick. Probably just nervous at the thought of meeting my parents. I knew how uncomfortable she was around new people.

Ryan slammed the car into park right in front of the porch and I lurched forward. If I hadn’t been wearing a seat belt, my head would have hit the dashboard.

“What’s your deal, Ryan? You and Jess have a fight or something?”

He’d barely spoken since we got in the car. Something had to be going on with the girl he was dating.

“Drop it, Cami,” Ryan snapped. “Jess and I are not fighting. It’s not like that.”

I climbed out of the car, frowning. He didn’t have to be a jerk about it. I was in a good mood and his temper tantrum was bringing me down. “What do you mean ‘it’s not like that’?”

Ryan slammed the car door when he got out, and I swear the whole thing shook. You would have thought he was the Incredible Hulk or something.

“We’re not serious. The thing with us is just . . .” He took a deep breath. “A way to pass the time, I guess.”

They weren’t serious? I wasn’t too shocked since I’d called it from the beginning, but I was still annoyed. I’d finally bothered to learn her name, and now it seemed that I’d wasted my time. Figured.

“Then you must be having PMS, because you’re moodier than a woman.” I turned away from Ryan before he could say anything else, and flashed a smile toward Annie. “Come on! You need to meet my mama.”

“My suitcase—” Annie stammered.

She wasn’t any better than Ryan. They must have been on the same cycle or something.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the porch. “Ryan will get the bags.”

The front door opened before we were halfway up the stairs, and Mama walked out smiling. She was dressed impeccably in a pink sweater set and khaki pants, wearing the string of pearls that had once belonged to my grandma and would one day be mine. She always looked like she was on the way to church.

“Well, here they are!” She wrapped me in a hug, then planted a kiss on my cheek before turning to Annie. “And you must be Annie. It’s so nice to have you here.”

Ryan huffed up the stairs behind Annie and she glanced his way. Her eyes were huge.

“Thanks for having me, Mrs. Summers.”

Mama gave Annie a reassuring smile. “Call me Becky, please.”

Ryan dropped the suitcases on the porch and wrapped his big arms around Mama. He squeezed so tight I could actually hear all the air leave her lungs. She squealed when her feet left the porch. Ryan was finally smiling when he set her down, and I was relieved. I’d been worried he would be in a crappy mood the whole break.

Mama fanned herself and giggled, then motioned toward the door. “Bring your stuff in the house! It’s sweltering out here.”

Annie reached for her suitcase at the same time as Ryan, and their hands touched. Ryan jerked his back so fast, you’d think he’d touched a hot stovetop.

Annie’s cheeks turned red and she looked away. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

“I’ll get it.” Ryan waved his hand toward the door while he kept his eyes trained on the floor. He acted like he couldn’t stand looking at her. It was so weird.

I crossed my arms and tapped my toe, and watched my cousin. I was starting to think Ryan had some kind of issue with Annie. He’d been acting weird all day, and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like he’d been avoiding her lately. There were times I’d invited him to lunch and he acted like he was going to show up, but as soon as he found out Annie was going to be there, he backed out. I couldn’t figure out exactly why he wouldn’t like Annie—she was sweeter than pralines—but all signs pointed that way.

Annie gave me a smile that was faker than Amber’s boobs, then hurried inside. I narrowed my eyes on Ryan’s face. If only I could read his mind.

He ran his hand through his hair. “Are you going to give Annie a tour?”

“Yeah,” I said slowly. “I’ll get right on it.”

Ryan looked away. There was something going on for sure, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it before we went back to school. I didn’t like the idea of Annie and Ryan not getting along.

After dinner that night, Annie jumped in the shower and I saw it as my perfect opportunity to get some information out of Ryan.

I searched the house, only to find him on the back porch, sitting in the dark. He had a glass of sweet tea in his hand and was staring off into the distance. He looked like he was in another world.

“Hey,” I said, plopping down next to him on the wicker sofa. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”

“Just thinking,” he said.

He took a drink of his tea and didn’t even look my way. I turned toward the backyard, trying to figure out what he was looking at. The moon was full, or almost full anyway. It reflected off the swirling waters of the Ashley River and gave the Spanish moss a creepy appearance. As far as I could tell, everything was exactly the same as the last time we’d been home.

Ryan didn’t say anything, and I decided since he wasn’t going to share whatever was on his mind, I’d get straight to the point. “So what’s going on between you and Annie?”

The ice in Ryan’s tea clinked against the glass, and he slowly turned to face me. It was too dark to see the expression on his face. “What?”

“You and Annie. You act like you can’t stand to be around her. Something must be going on.”

He exhaled and shook his head, then laughed as if I’d told a joke. I didn’t get it.

“Nothing’s going on between me and Annie.”

“Seriously? How can you say that and think I’ll believe you? Every time she gets close to you, you act like you want to run away.”

Ryan took another drink, and even in the darkness I could see how much his hands were shaking. Was he mad? It was all so strange! Ryan hardly ever got mad at anyone, and Annie was probably one of the easiest people to get along with I’d ever met.

When he put his glass down, he said, “What’s going on between you and Liam?”

“Way to change the subject, Ryan.”

“I’m serious, Cami. I know you two have been sneaking around together. I’m not dumb. Liam swore to me he’s being a gentleman. The crazy thing is, I actually believe him! Liam’s a nice guy, but he doesn’t exactly get to know the girls he brings home. This seems different.”

My throat tightened. “I don’t know why, but it is different for him.”

“Just for him?”

My face got warm and I said a silent thank-you that it was dark. “I don’t know.”

I’d wanted to take this break from Liam so I could figure out what was going on, but I hadn’t really expected Ryan to bring it up. It was my fault, I guess. I did stick my nose into his business first. So what if he didn’t like Annie? They didn’t have to be buddies just because she was my friend. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t had lots of friends Ryan didn’t like. It was kind of the defining characteristic of my friends, actually.

Ryan sighed and leaned back in the sofa. He acted like talking about relationships wore him out. Maybe it had to do with whatever was going on with Jess.

“Would you care?” I asked. “If Liam and I started dating?”

He shook his head, but didn’t look away from the ceiling. “I just want you to be happy and safe, Cami. I want you to put a stop to this wild streak you’ve been on, and if Liam’s the one who’s going to do that for you, then great.”

“Okay, thanks.”

It was nice to get Ryan’s blessing, but I still didn’t know what I was going to do. I hadn’t written to Julie in a long time, and I had barely talked to her lately. My life seemed to revolve around Liam.

I scooted closer to Ryan and leaned my head against his arm. “It’s okay if you don’t like Annie. Sorry I butted in.”

Ryan sighed and shifted so he could put his arm around me. “I like Annie. I just have some stuff going on. That’s all.”

That made two of us.

“Okay,” I said, staring out over the Ashley. It was kind of nice, sitting there in the darkness with Ryan. Listening to the river. Relaxing. There weren’t many people I felt that relaxed with. Mama and Ryan.

And Liam.

Shit. What the hell was I going to do about Liam?

Liam actually called me while I was home. It made my insides turn gooey and warm. Made me genuinely happy, which was something I wasn’t used to. He was spending the holiday at his biological father’s lavish beach house, trying to get to know the man who’d given him life. It wasn’t easy for him, but he was making the effort anyway. The more I got to know Liam, the more I liked him. Which just made the whole thing even more confusing.

16

Annie and I went out with my high school friends Monday night, but as awesome as it was to see them and hear about all the fun they were having in college, it made me miss Julie even more. It was like hearing about the accident all over again. The aching pain radiating through my chest was almost paralyzing, it was so intense. It took my breath away.

I spent all of Tuesday with a fake smile painted on my face while I did my best to shake off the crushing pain of Julie’s loss, but it was hopeless. Like trying to treat a gunshot wound with a Band-Aid.

I needed to see Julie.

Wednesday night I gave in to the need. I told Annie and Ryan and my parents I was going out with friends again—thank God Annie didn’t want to go—but instead borrowed Mama’s car and drove to the hospital.

My palms were moist by the time I parked, and walking up to the main entrance made me break out in a cold sweat. My heart started pounding the second I walked through the door. I hadn’t been to see Julie since right before I left for school. Even though I’d thought about coming to see her a million times, I was too afraid I’d run into her parents. The memory of Julie’s mom screaming at me to get away from her daughter was burned into my mind. Sometimes I even dreamed about it.

My feet moved on their own, and in what felt like the blink of an eye I found myself staring out onto Julie’s floor as the elevator door slid open. I didn’t even remember the trip through the hospital, and by the time my brain registered that I was in the right place, the doors had begun to slide shut. I bolted forward, slipping through the crack just in time.

Then I froze. The elevator doors shut behind me, but I couldn’t move. The hall stretched out in front of me, seeming to go on forever. My legs didn’t feel strong enough to support me when I took my first step, but, miraculously, they didn’t give out. The ache in my stomach intensified with each step I took.

I was three doors down from Julie’s room when Mr. Wilson stepped out and my whole body turned to ice. His head was down, eyes focused on the floor. His scalp was visible through his black hair, and it struck me like a punch to the gut how much thinner it had gotten since Julie’s accident. He was practically bald now.

When he raised his head, his gaze locked with mine. His eyes grew wide, and just like me, he seemed to freeze. My heart jumped to my throat, and even though I had the urge to run, I couldn’t make my body cooperate. All I could do was stand there and stare at my best friend’s father. How many times had I spent the night at this man’s house? How many Saturday mornings had Julie and I laughed as we ate the doughnuts he’d bought for us? How many times had he dropped us off at the mall, telling us to be careful? I couldn’t have counted them if I’d tried. But here, standing in front of him, it was like looking into the eyes of a stranger.

“Mr. Wilson,” I began, my tongue feeling heavy and swollen in my mouth, “I-I came to see Julie.”

He didn’t blink or smile or frown or seem to react at all. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was a mannequin.

I took a step forward, but he still didn’t react, and deep inside me something began to tingle. A flicker of hope that I might find peace. That maybe the Wilsons had finally forgiven me. That we’d be able to grieve the loss of Julie together.

Then Mrs. Wilson stepped into the hallway behind her husband and that flicker disintegrated into a puff of steam that felt like it was scorching my skin from the inside out. Her mouth scrunched up and in the blink of an eye her skin reddened until she looked like she was on the verge of bursting. Her body shook. I could feel the vibrations from ten feet away, like an earthquake shaking the hospital.

She took three steps forward, passing her husband, who was still frozen in place. “You!” Her words echoed through the hall, slamming into me so hard, I was forced to take a step back. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I-I came to see Julie.” My voice was so quiet, I doubt she heard it. Not that it would matter. Mrs. Wilson didn’t care what I had to say.

She took another step toward me. “You have no right to be here. Do you understand me? You don’t even have a right to be alive!”

I jolted back so fast my feet almost got tangled together. It felt like someone had reached their hand into my chest and twisted my heart. “Please,” I said, not even sure of what I was begging her for.

Mrs. Wilson didn’t give me a chance to say anything else. “No!” she screamed, the word ripping its way out of her so violently that it had to have bruised her esophagus. Behind her, people stuck their heads out into the hall and a couple of nurses headed our way, speed-walking past the gawking patients and family members who acted like this was The Young and the Restless, not a hospital.

“My baby girl, my daughter, has been reduced to nothing because she went out to that party with you! Instead of going off to college and getting older, she’s stuck in a bed. Wasting away. She can’t hear us or talk to us, or join in on life.”

Mrs. Wilson’s voice cracked and sobs shook her shoulders so violently it looked like she was having a seizure. Finally, Mr. Wilson woke up and hurried to his wife’s side. He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close, and comforted her.

A couple of nurses stopped beside the grieving parents, whispering words of comfort that were too quiet for me to hear while a third hurried my way. The frown on her face told me how unwelcome I really was. I was an intruder in the Wilsons’ lives. A constant reminder that their daughter’s life was over.

“Miss,” the nurse heading my way hissed. “You’re going to have to leave.”

“I just wanted to see my friend,” I said, feeling shell-shocked and lost.

The nurse shook her head. “Leave or I’ll call security.”

I nodded as I turned to the elevator. My whole body shook while I waited for the doors to open, and behind me Mrs. Wilson never stopped crying. If anything, her sobs grew louder. When the doors opened, I stepped inside and pressed the button, looking up only to see the nurse still glaring at me. I guess she thought I was to blame as well.

“It should have been her.” Mrs. Wilson’s words reached me just before the elevator doors slid shut.

An intense pain cut through me and all the air left my lungs, making it difficult to even stand. I slumped against the wall of the elevator when my legs wobbled, feeling more alone and lost than ever before.

The next day was Thanksgiving, which meant Mama was up before the sun. I snuck out of bed pretty early myself so I could help her. It was kind of a tradition with us, and after the disaster at the hospital, I needed something normal and stable. Plus, most people wouldn’t have guessed it by looking at me, but I actually enjoyed all that domestic stuff.

The turkey and pies were already in the oven when I got downstairs, and Mama even had a cup of coffee waiting for me. When I walked into the kitchen, she gave me a smile that made my heart feel almost whole again. Almost.

“Why don’t you start peeling those?” Since she was almost elbow deep in dough, she had to nod toward the giant pile of potatoes.

I got to work on the potatoes, and we lapsed into a comfortable silence. She was the only person I could be quiet around for a long period of time, and vice versa. I definitely got my chatterbox personality from her. My brain was still buzzing and my heart was heavy with grief, but just being home helped me feel a little more whole.

“How are things going with Dr. Houseman?” she asked after a while, making me instantly wish we could go back to the silence.

My face got hot and I looked over my shoulder to make sure Annie hadn’t snuck down the stairs while my back was turned. Thankfully, we were still alone.

“Shh. Annie doesn’t know about all that.”

“Cami, there is no shame in being in therapy.”

Easy for her to say. “Whatever. I don’t want anyone to know.”

Mama huffed and went back to kneading the dough in front of her. “That girl isn’t going to think any less of you. It might even help to open up to her. Maybe she’ll understand.”

I rolled my eyes and put all my energy into peeling the potatoes.

She didn’t know what she was talking about. Annie had secrets she wasn’t sharing with me. I knew something big had happened to make her dad so protective, but whenever I asked, she changed the subject. How could I be expected to share all the crazy in my life if she wasn’t going to do the same?

“You didn’t answer my question,” Mama said after a few minutes of silence.

I sighed. She wasn’t going to let it go unless I answered, so I figured I should just get it over with. “Fine. I go every week. We talk about school and Julie and anything else that’s bugging me. Then I leave.”

“Do you think it’s helping?”

My whole body stiffened and I squeezed the potato so hard it flew out of my hand and shot across the counter. I scrambled after it.

Helping? I guess it depended on what side you were on. Sure, I was talking to Julie less, barely even writing to her anymore. But I’d abandoned her. So from my parents’ perspective, therapy was helping me get better. I wasn’t sure if it was from mine, though. Now I had both the guilt from the accident and from feeling like I’d ditched Julie.

“Yeah, Mama,” I said, going back to my potato peeling. “It’s helping.”

No sense making her feel as awful as I did.

“Good.”

Mama started humming, and just like that I had more guilt.

There had been a time when my life was easy and simple, but all that disappeared with Julie’s accident. Now I felt like I was wearing a Cami costume. I laughed and partied and tried to be wild, but most of the time my insides didn’t match.

Maybe I’d feel better if Julie’s parents could forgive me. But after yesterday, I knew it wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

“Have you seen them?” I asked, then realized she didn’t know who I was talking about. “The Wilsons, I mean. Have you seen them at all lately?”

Mama’s humming stopped, and I snuck a peek at her out of the corner of my eye. She wasn’t looking my way, but her back was stiff. My parents had been friends with Julie’s at one point, but just like everything else in our lives, that changed after the accident. Mama’s an understanding woman, but even she couldn’t hold her tongue when Julie’s mom went around telling everyone I was to blame for the accident.

“No,” she whispered.

“I was just wondering.”

“Let’s not talk about all that, Cami. It’s Thanksgiving.” She went back to kneading the dough, but her back was just as tense.

I knew she was crying, so I let the whole thing go. There was no point in making Mama hurt as badly as I did.

When we got back to school, Annie dumped Chris for good. I wasn’t surprised, really. Chris had always been the clingy kind of guy and it just seemed like too much for Annie. It was obvious there was more going on with her than she was telling me, but I didn’t press her for information—mainly because I didn’t want anyone looking too closely at me.

The Monday after Thanksgiving I talked to Liam. It was about as uncomfortable as wearing high heels that were two sizes too small.

He was waiting in the coffee shop when I showed up, and the smile he shot my way made me cringe inside and out. I know, because his smile melted away when he saw the look on my face. Damn. I guess I shouldn’t play poker.

He kissed my cheek, and we sat down at the table. He’d already ordered coffee for both of us. A caramel macchiato for me: my favorite. The fact that he knew that made my stomach clench in sadness.

Yeah, I wasn’t too happy with myself for what I was about to do.

“How was your Thanksgiving?” I asked, sipping my coffee.

It was a cop-out and we both knew it. We’d talked on the phone during the break, so I knew he’d been miserable. Apparently, his dad was bound and determined to make up for missing the first eighteen years of his life. Too bad Liam wasn’t having it. He was a nice guy, and usually very understanding, but his father might be the only person he couldn’t forgive.

“Rubbish,” Liam said. “Total rubbish. He’s an arse who thinks he can buy me off with a car.”

One of my eyebrows shot up. “He bought you a car?”

“A BMW, of all things.” Liam shook his head and gritted his teeth like he was trying to keep all the bad things he had to say about his dad inside. “I took the bloody thing, of course. May drive it off the pier one night, though.”

I was in the middle of a drink when he said it. The liquid went down the wrong pipe, making me cough and sputter. Liam smacked me on the back and I covered my mouth while my eyes watered.

It took me almost five minutes to say, “Don’t do that!”

Liam chuckled. “I haven’t lost the plot.”

My face scrunched up. “What?”

“Gone crazy,” he said, grinning even wider.

“Oh, okay. That’s good.”

He laughed for a few seconds longer, but it slowly faded away. When I looked up, he was watching me closely. It was obvious from the pain in his blue eyes that he knew what I was going to say, which made me feel even worse. I didn’t know when he’d started liking me so much or what was so special about me that made him see me differently from other girls, but it was clear he had fallen head over heels.

Too bad I just couldn’t do it.

“While I was gone, I gave a lot of thought to what you said about not being casual.”

He nodded and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, then shut it and shook his head. He wanted to hear what I had to say before he made a fool of himself, and I got it.

“I’m sorry, Liam. I really like you and I want to keep seeing you, but I just can’t make the kind of commitment you want me to. Not right now.”

He exhaled, then sat back. “What’s going on with you, Cami? I know something’s going on, but you won’t tell me anything. I’ve told you all about me and my dad, but you won’t tell me a thing.”

“That’s not true! I told you about my nerdy, dirty secret.”

I hoped he’d laugh or at least smile, but he didn’t. All he did was shake his head and clench his coffee cup like he was considering smashing it.

“Does this mean you don’t want to see me at all anymore?” I whispered. I wasn’t sure which way I wanted it to go. If he said no, he didn’t want to, it would hurt. But if he said yes, then I might cave.

“I still want to see you.” He shook his head like he thought he was the biggest idiot in the world, then said, “My frat’s having a Christmas formal right before the break. Go with me. If you show up with someone else, I may have to pummel the guy.”

The idea of Liam fighting for me was so totally hot it made me want to jump across the table and mount him, but I forced out a laugh. “We can’t have that, now can we?”

Liam grinned and shrugged. Why did he have to be so sexy? Those adorable crooked teeth . . . Ahh! It was torture.

“I’ll go with you,” I said, smiling. “I’ll take any chance I can get to have my body pressed up against yours.”

Liam groaned and let his head fall back. “You’re bloody killing me!”

That made two of us I was killing.

Now that things were settled with Liam, and Annie and Chris were no longer together, it was easier to convince her to go out to bars with me on the weekend. The fake IDs Ryan had helped us get were really coming in handy.

I was determined to hook up with a guy and finally get that one-night stand knocked off my list. It wasn’t hard to get guys to buy me drinks, and it wasn’t tough to get them to ask for my number—even though Annie was still having a difficult time with both. Even getting them to ask me back to their place wasn’t hard. It was going through with it that was the problem.

Things always started off fine, with me flirting and feeling hot and totally attracted to whatever sexy specimen of a man I’d picked out. But as the night got close to ending and the guy became more and more forward, I always found myself pulling away. It was like I didn’t actually want to go through with it. Which was just nuts. It had been so long since I’d had sex, I was starting to wonder if it was possible to go back to being a virgin.

It always came down to one thing: Liam. I really did want Liam. I hated that I felt that way, but as the weeks after Thanksgiving slipped away and Christmas crept closer, the reality of the situation was too obvious for me to deny any longer. I liked Liam and I didn’t want to sleep with or date anyone else. Flirting and letting a guy buy me a couple drinks were one thing, but thinking about doing anything else made me want to hurl.

Damn Liam and his imitation sex hair.

17

The Christmas formal was at the beach house, the one owned by Liam’s dad. The first time I was there, I’d been so preoccupied with thoughts of Liam, I hadn’t really taken the time to fully appreciate the place. Now that I was on his arm, I didn’t have anything to distract me from really soaking it all in.

It was freaking amazing.

I stood on my tiptoes and put my mouth right up against Liam’s ear. “I can’t believe your dad owns this.”

He shook his head and pressed his finger to his lips. I didn’t really understand why he was keeping it a secret, but I would keep quiet. I had secrets of my own, after all.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone,” I said, brushing my lips across his cheek before turning back to study the house.

A massive Christmas tree was set up at the back of the room, right in front of the huge wall of windows that overlooked the beach. It was like something you’d see in an interior design magazine. I was one hundred percent sure Liam’s dad had hired someone to decorate the thing. It was that perfect. Lights and garlands and red bows ran up the banister and across every doorway, and there was a huge wreath above the fireplace. I swear, Martha Stewart would get a boner over the place.

The guys were all dressed in black tuxes while the girls wore cocktail dresses in every color imaginable. Since it was Christmas, red and green predominated, but there were also golds and silvers and blacks mixed in. While some were covered in sequins that sparkled across the room, others were satin or lace. I couldn’t look anywhere without getting a glimpse of cleavage. Not that I was any exception.

Annie’s royal blue dress really stood out in the crowd. I was relieved I’d been able to talk her into going. She’d tried to back out at least a dozen times over the past couple weeks, but I’d been persistent. Mitch had somehow managed to convince her to go with him, which was weird. I would have been concerned or warned her to watch out for his snakelike tongue, but it was Annie. She was the last person I needed to worry about doing something crazy. And doing Mitch would have been crazy.

As soon as I was sure Annie was okay with Mitch, I grabbed Liam and pulled him through the crowd to the dance floor. As much as I wanted us to find our way back up to the bedroom, the beat of the music and thrill of the party were too much to resist. We had the whole night ahead of us to work our way to the bed.

Liam had his body pressed up against mine within seconds of stepping into the crowd. His hands on my hips were firm, and the way he pulled me against him felt possessive: like he really was afraid I might run off with some other guy. In the heat of the moment, it was so sexy it made me forget all the pain and guilt I’d been carrying around. I let all thoughts of Julie and the accident slip away, and leaned my whole body against his, moving with the music as I closed my eyes and breathed in Liam.

We stayed like that most of the night, pressed up against each other, dancing, only taking breaks so we could get a drink or enjoy the appetizers that had been set out. I didn’t see Annie once the whole night, but I did notice Mitch hanging all over Amber. It almost made me laugh. If I liked her at all, I’d have given her a heads-up about what a horrible kisser he was. Too bad for her, I was kind of hoping she’d choke on his tongue.

As the night wore on, Liam barely left my side. He was always touching me. A hand on my hip or lower back, his lips moving their way down my neck while we danced. His fingers trailing their way up my spine. If I hadn’t already realized how much I wanted him, I would have known it then. My heart pounded harder with every second we were near each other, and by the time Liam pulled me toward the stairs, I was pretty sure it was on the verge of exploding out of my chest.

He led me up to the same bedroom as last time, not saying a word until we were inside and the door was shut. Then he turned to me and smiled. “I remembered.”

He kissed me before I could ask what he was talking about. A firm kiss that took my breath away and made my knees wobble. I closed my eyes and practically collapsed against him. Luckily, his hands were on my hips so I didn’t fall.

His tongue forced its way in my mouth as his hands roved my body. Down my back and ass. To my hips, then up my sides. He stopped when his hands were just over my ribs, splayed out just under my breasts. Occasionally, he moved his thumbs across my nipples. Heat moved through me, settling between my legs. I clenched my thighs as I moaned against Liam’s mouth. If I had anything to say about it, we would not be stopping this time.

“Tell me you have a condom,” I whispered.

“Told you I remembered.”

His tongue delved deeper and his lips worked faster. We moved toward the bed, never breaking from the kiss. He slid his hand around to my back and unzipped my dress while I worked on the buttons of his shirt. My dress slipped away and he shrugged off his jacket. His shirt came next, which gave me the perfect opportunity to run my hands over his hard muscles. Just thinking about him being on top of me and feeling his firm body against my naked skin had me quivering in anticipation.

We reached the bed just as I undid his pants. He pulled his mouth away from mine and I whimpered.

“Shoes,” he said, grinning as he leaned down to pull off his shoes and socks.

His pants went next, and he kicked them aside before turning back to me. He touched his lips to my neck and kissed his way down as he reached around to undo my bra. It fell away, freeing my breasts, which Liam took full advantage of. His mouth covered my right nipple and he sucked it into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth. I gasped at the wonderful pain, squeezing my eyes shut and running my fingers through his soft hair while he nipped at my skin.

Then we were on the bed, kissing. Gasping for breath. His hot skin against mine was driving me wild. I couldn’t wait another second to have him.

I squirmed out of my thong, then went for his boxer briefs. Liam kicked them aside while he reached for the nightstand, coming back with a condom. He ripped it open like it was the difference between life and death, and pulled away from me just long enough to roll it on.

He moved between my legs, and ran his fingers up my inner thigh. His eyes held mine as he touched me, teasing me until I couldn’t hold still. I grabbed his back, digging my nails into his skin. Trying to pull him closer. To get what my body wanted. Which was Liam. Inside me.

“Liam,” I gasped, giving him a pleading look when no other words would come.

He grinned, then moved forward. His hardness brushed against my entrance and my eyes rolled back in my head. He moved his hands up my stomach to my breasts, staying just at my entrance. I bucked my hips forward, trying to move closer so he could slide inside, but he held back. Every time he brushed against me, it made my body tremble. I wanted to beg, but I couldn’t make my mouth form words.

Finally, he gave me what I wanted, thrusting into me with one quick motion, making me cry out. His mouth covered mine as he began to move. In and out. Fast. So fast my head spun. Every nerve in my body moved to my center, tightening in the most amazing way. Coiling together until I was nothing but a ball of anticipation. I dug my nails into his back and raised my hips to meet his, wanting him deeper.

He pulled my right leg up, giving him better access, and moved faster still. I could hardly catch my breath as the coil inside me tightened until it was almost uncomfortable. Then Liam reached between us and rubbed that small bundle of nerves at my center, making the knot inside me unravel in an explosion that could have rivaled the big bang. I cried out as my back arched. The waves of pleasure sweeping over me were more intense than any I’d ever experienced.

Liam groaned and moved even deeper, thrusting into me a couple more times before his body jerked, then stilled. He was breathing hard, trying to catch his breath. I was just as winded when he rolled over and pulled me against him. I rested my head on his moist chest and closed my eyes as he moved his hand over my head, running his fingers through my hair.

Liam’s lips brushed the top of my head, and I didn’t feel terrified or smothered or guilty. All I felt was total contentment. Like I was supposed to be with him.

I turned my head and rested my chin on his chest, looking up into his eyes. They were so blue, so sexy it made my heart constrict. A strange feeling of want came over me that I didn’t understand. It was like I wanted to be even closer to him, but we couldn’t get any closer than we already were.

It was entirely possible the desire I felt had nothing to do with sex.

Liam smiled, flashing me his adorably crooked teeth. “Bloody glad I brought those condoms.”

I laughed and let out a deep breath. “Me too. Not going to lie, I was feeling pretty sexually frustrated.”

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” He grinned and pulled me up so he could kiss me.

“Ready for round two?” I said against his lips, laughing a little.

“I did bring a whole box of condoms.”

He rolled me onto my back and kissed me. After a few seconds, round two was sounding pretty damn good. His lips went down my neck and I sighed.

“I wish I wasn’t leaving tomorrow,” he whispered against my chest, his warm breath tickling my skin. “I don’t know how I’m going to go a whole month without seeing this body.”

He kissed my nipple, then traced it with his tongue.

“Don’t go, then,” I said, curling my fingers through his hair. His real sex hair. There was no imitation when it came to that adorable mess on top of his head.

“Will you miss me?” He looked up and held my gaze while he rolled my nipple between his thumb and finger.

I moaned and writhed under his touch. “Yes.”

Liam swallowed, and his eyes held mine. “Cami . . .”

My heart beat faster. So fast and so loud the whole world seemed lost. I nodded because I knew what he was saying. What he was asking, and I wanted to say yes. To tell him it would be just the two of us. That there would be no one else. It felt good and right.

Liam smiled and moved back up to cover my mouth with his.

The night went by in a blur of lips and hot skin and moans. Round two was better than round one had been, but three was the best by far. While the first two times had been rushed and bordering on rough, Liam took his time with round three, doing what could only be described as making love to me. I’d never had a guy take his time like that, put so much effort into pleasing me. I was dizzy by the end, but a good kind of dizzy. An amazing kind of dizzy that made me wonder why I had ever been stupid enough to think I couldn’t commit myself to Liam.

I fell asleep in his arms sometime around four o’clock in the morning, totally exhausted but more satisfied than I’d ever been in my entire life. And happy.

We woke early thanks to the sun rising over the ocean. It shone through the huge windows and lit up the whole room.

Liam pulled me against him, kissing the top of my head. “Morning.”

I sighed, feeling more content than I had in over a year. I wasn’t even thinking about Julie or my notebook or the promise I was breaking. Only thinking of Liam. I loved waking up next to him. Loved how warm and safe and protected he made me feel.

“The sun’s coming up,” I whispered.

He pulled away from me and rolled out of bed. “Let’s go watch it.”

“Outside?” I glanced toward the balcony and frowned.

It was December and probably forty degrees outside, but the little bit of sky I could see was breathtaking. Orange and pink and red. Brilliant. It did sound like a good idea, assuming we could keep warm. But we were both naked.

Liam jerked the blanket off me, and it took me a second to realize he was pulling it off the bed completely. He tucked it under his arm, then tilted his head toward the door, holding his hand out. “Come on.”

I took his hand and he pulled me out of bed, then led me toward the French doors. When he pushed them open, the air was so cold my body turned into one giant goose bump. I shivered, but didn’t hesitate when Liam led me toward the chair. He draped the blanket around his shoulders then sat in the chair, and I climbed onto his lap. I sighed in contentment when he wrapped his arms around me, covering me with the blanket, engulfing me in his warm embrace.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and we sat in silence, watching the sun rise. Every time I exhaled, steam rose up in front of me, but I was warm and cozy.

Liam’s lips brushed the top of my head, and I turned my face toward his. His mouth covered mine and I opened up to him, tracing his tongue with mine. His hand moved up my naked body, cupping my breast, and I twisted to straddle him.

He caressed my body while we kissed, and before long it didn’t feel like December anymore. More like July. I was so hot I was panting, and all I could think about was getting a condom. But I didn’t want to move away.

Luckily, Liam had come prepared. He pulled away long enough to rip open the foil packet he’d had the foresight to grab, and slipped the condom on. I lowered myself onto him, gasping when he grabbed my hips and thrust into me. I threw my head back when he moved faster. Harder. I couldn’t even care that we were outside when I cried out.

When we were done, we stumbled back inside and took advantage of the large shower before getting dressed. The whole night was like a dream, made even more surreal by the fact that Liam was so happy. He grinned whenever our eyes met, acting like he’d won some long sought-after prize. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve such admiration, but I knew I didn’t want to walk away from it.

It wasn’t until we went downstairs that I remembered the party. The house was a mess, with empty beer bottles and cans and red Solo cups everywhere. There were even a few people passed out on the floor in the living room. It looked like the apocalypse had taken place in the beach house, not a frat party.

“Holy shit,” I said, stopping halfway down the stairs. “What’s your dad going to say?”

Liam shrugged and took my hand, pulling me toward the door. “Nothing. I have people coming to clean it up. He’ll never see the mess.”

“Are you sure?” I looked around the room doubtfully.

“Positive.” He flashed me a smile and pulled me out of the house to where his brand-new silver BMW sat waiting.

We got back to Liam’s place to find Ryan in the kitchen, making coffee. When he saw us, he froze. His eyes went back and forth between Liam and me, then toward his bedroom door. It was a weird reaction since he claimed not only to know about us, but not to care.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked.

“Nothing.” Ryan cleared his throat and did his best to look casual, but I knew him too well. “Where are you two coming from?”

His tone was weird. I was pretty sure he was hiding something.

“Stayed at the beach house,” Liam said, heading for the kitchen. “Coffee, Cami?”

“Yeah.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and watched Ryan. Something was up. He avoided looking right at me, and he kept glancing toward his room. It was really strange . . .

Holy shit! He had a chick with him. That’s why he was acting so crazy. He’d gone to the party with Jess, but I’d definitely seen her way after Ryan left. Plus, Ryan had told me they weren’t like that. That must have meant he’d taken someone else home, which was so not like Ryan. He didn’t pick up random girls and take them home. As far as I knew, he’d only slept with his high school girlfriend, Amy. They went out for like two years, so I knew they had to have done it.

“You okay, mate?” Liam asked, eyeing Ryan suspiciously.

Ryan cleared his throat again. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

My lips curled into a smile. “You have a girl in your room, don’t you!”

Ryan’s mouth fell open and he shook his head, then glanced toward the door for about the millionth time. “No. I mean, yeah. But not like that. I mean, nothing happened. Shit.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked at the floor. When he looked up, his cheeks were red. “Listen, this whole thing is going to look really bad. But I want you to let me explain, okay?”

“What are you talking about?” He was acting like he’d committed a crime, not hooked up with some girl. “You know I’m not going to care that you brought someone home with you. Come on, Ryan, who do you think you’re talking to right now?”

Ryan exhaled, then sucked in another deep breath. “It’s Annie.”

Liam’s eyebrows shot up, then he let out a chuckle and slapped Ryan on the back. “Nice work, mate.”

“Don’t be stupid. Ryan didn’t sleep with Annie.” I rolled my eyes at Liam, then focused on my cousin. “So Mitch was being a pain in the ass and you brought her home? I was afraid that was going to happen. I mean, I wanted her to come to the party, but Mitch is a total prick. Plus, he’s a horrible kisser.”

Nice one, Cami. I slammed my lips together and stole a glance at Liam. Thankfully, he was smiling. Good thing he seemed to actually like that I had a major problem with verbal diarrhea, which was a seriously gross term. What twisted person ever came up with it, anyway?

Ryan ran his hand through his hair, then nodded. “Yeah. That’s what happened. She had a little too much to drink too. Jess said it was fine if I took her home.”

“Well, I might as well wake up Sleeping Beauty while I’m here,” I said as I headed for the bedroom door.

“Cami, no!”

Ryan charged after me for some insane reason, but I rolled my eyes and waved him off. “Relax. I’ll be nice.”

“No! Don’t go in there!”

He wouldn’t let up and I didn’t have a clue what his problem was, but he was being a total idiot. The only way Annie was ever going to learn not to drink too much was to suffer through a few hangovers, and me yammering in her ear first thing in the morning was going to be major suffering.

“Cut it out, Ryan,” I snapped. “I know what I’m doing.”

I reached the door before him, but he still tried to stop me. He grabbed my arm just as I turned the knob, but I shrugged him off and pushed the door open. Annie stood in the middle of the room wearing one of Ryan’s shirts. Her eyes were huge. She looked like a kid who had been caught sneaking a piece of candy.

“Cami, stop. You don’t want to—” Whatever Ryan was going to say died on his lips when he looked at Annie.

“Hey there, party pooper!” I called, flashing Annie a huge smile as I stepped inside.

I looked around the room, noticing Annie’s blue dress balled up on the floor. Her strapless bra was next to it. When I looked toward the unmade bed, my smile disappeared. There was a streak of blood smeared across Ryan’s white sheets.

“Oh shit.” I glanced toward Ryan, who was staring at the bed. When I looked back at Annie, she appeared to be on the verge of dying from embarrassment. Without giving him any warning, I spun around and shoved Ryan so hard he stumbled back into the hallway. “Get out!”

Ryan stepped forward like he was going to come back in, but I wasn’t having it. Annie was embarrassed enough without Ryan standing there gawking at her. Even I’d be a little uncomfortable if I’d started my period in some guy’s bed. I slammed the door in Ryan’s face and locked it so he couldn’t come back in.

Then I crossed my arms and focused on the bed, trying to figure out how to convince Annie it was nothing to worry about. After a trauma like that, I was afraid she’d regress and turn back into the shy girl who could barely look at a guy.

“You okay?” I asked, turning to face Annie. Her cheeks were almost as red as the blood on the sheets.

She nodded slowly. “Yes.”

“We’ll wash the sheets for Ryan. Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him about it.” I pressed my lips together to stop myself from saying more. The fewer words that came out of my mouth, the better.

Annie didn’t say anything, so I started stripping the sheets off the bed. It was probably better to leave her alone until she’d had time to recover. “Go ahead and get cleaned up.”

“Thanks,” she said from behind me, then slipped out of the room.

Once the sheets were off the bed, I balled them up and headed for the living room. Damn. I guess that huge pile of laundry I’d been avoiding was finally going to get my attention. Unfortunately.

Liam gave Annie and me a lift back to the dorm, then hung out while I got the laundry started. He was leaving the next morning for England and Annie’s flight back to Cali was later that night. The reality of saying good-bye to both of them for almost a month had me feeling down.

“You going to stay with me tonight?” Liam asked, leaning against the dryer.

I grinned and shrugged, but my insides were dancing with joy. It was a strange feeling after so long. “Maybe.”

He grabbed my hips and pulled me against him. “Not bloody maybe.”

I giggled when he kissed my neck, then down. Thank God for low-cut shirts! His lips moved across the top of my breasts and he slid his hands up, cupping them. I was having visions of him leaning me over the dryer . . .

He pulled away and I pushed out my bottom lip. “What the hell?”

“If you want more, you’re going to have to stay with me tonight.” Liam flashed me a devilish grin.

“You’re mean.” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.

“Not mean,” he said with a wink, “just demanding.”

My phone rang before I could respond. I whipped it out, still spearing Liam with an intense glare. “It’s Ryan.” Liam was still grinning when I slid my finger across the screen. “Yes?”

“Cami. I called Annie but she didn’t answer. What time is her flight tonight?” He sounded breathless, like he’d been out running or was stressed. Maybe both. He tended to go for a run when he was stressed.

“Um . . . eight?” Liam grabbed my hips again and pulled me against him. Made it kind of difficult to think. “I’m not sure.”

“How is she getting to the airport?” Ryan asked.

Liam’s lips moved across my collar bone and I closed my eyes. “A cab.”

“No. Tell her I’m taking her. Don’t let her say no.” He sounded tense. Or maybe I was projecting. The fact that Liam’s hands were cupping my ass while I was on the phone with Ryan was just weird.

I pulled away from Liam, who started laughing. I glared at him and took a deep breath to clear my head. Ryan wanted to give Annie a ride. Got it.

“Okay,” I said. “I’m washing your sheets, but I’ll let her know when I get back up to our room.”

Ryan didn’t respond and I rolled my eyes. He’d been so weird about the whole thing. I’d really expected him to just shrug it off. We’d grown up together, so it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to girls having periods. But he’d acted all uncomfortable, the way guys get when they don’t have sisters and they don’t know how to deal with that whole area of a woman’s life.

“Okay, then. Nice talking to you,” I said, then hit END. I shoved the phone in my pocket and rolled my eyes. “Ryan is being weird.”

“About what?” Liam asked.

“About the whole Annie bleeding on his sheets thing. He acts all uncomfortable. He’s always so weird around her.”

Liam cleared his throat, and when I looked up he had his eyebrows raised. “You think something is going on between them? Maybe they shagged.”

“Ryan and Annie?” I snorted at the absurd suggestion. “No way. No! Ryan wouldn’t do that. Why would you say that?”

Liam shrugged. “The whole thing was a bit dodgy, that’s all.”

I brushed the suggestion off without really considering it. It was ridiculous, of course. Chris still thought he was in love with Annie, which meant she would be off-limits for Ryan. He’d never do that to his best friend. I mean, this was Ryan we were talking about. He didn’t have a selfish bone in his body.

After spending another amazing night in Liam’s bed, I wasn’t at all ready to say good-bye to him the next morning. His flight left at nine, which meant he had to be at the airport by six o’clock. Which meant we were up by four so we could fit in a nice, long shower.

My back was against the cold tile and Liam had my leg hiked up around his waist, giving him the perfect angle. I bit down on my bottom lip to stop from crying out since Ryan’s room was right on the other side of the wall, but after a while I couldn’t control myself.

When we were both satisfied, I lathered up my hair. My legs were still a little weak, but Liam was there to keep me up. He was very preoccupied with soaping up my boobs.

“They’re clean,” I said, giggling and pushing his hands away.

“I want to be sure.” He squirted more soap on his hands, then rubbed his palms against my breasts, paying special attention to my nipples.

I tried to back away, but the shower didn’t leave much room for escape. “They’re so clean someone could eat off of them.”

Liam grinned and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me against him. “That’s a bloody brilliant idea.”

He shoved his face right between my boobs and I cracked up. His body shook with laughter, but he wouldn’t let me go. Not until he’d given my breasts a very thorough tongue bath.

“You’re going to be late,” I said, putting my hands on his shoulders and trying to push him away. “We need to get out and get dressed so you don’t miss your plane.”

Liam looked up, and his grin was so big it lit up the shower. “I want to miss my plane. Then we can stay here for the entire holiday. Just you and me. No clothes.”

He kissed me and my back hit the wall again. I stood on my toes so I could get closer to him, running my fingers through his wet hair while his tongue slid over mine. Staying there with him sounded like a fantastic idea. Who needed Christmas presents and family and New Year’s Eve when I had Liam?

But he had a flight and I knew his mom was dying to see him.

I pulled away and untangled myself from his arms, then turned off the shower. “You need to go.”

He sighed and did a good job of pouting, but he got out with almost no argument. He was even nice enough to help me dry off—although he spent a little too much time on certain areas.

When we were finally dressed, we headed out to the living room, only to find Ryan in the kitchen. He glared our way. “That was probably the most disturbing wakeup call I’ve ever had.”

My cheeks actually got red. “Sorry.”

Liam just laughed, then poured himself some coffee. “Trying to make an honest woman of her, mate.”

“Right.” Ryan didn’t crack a smile.

He’d been in a foul mood since the previous morning. It reminded me of how he’d acted when we went home for Thanksgiving, and I’d wondered if he was on his period. Maybe he and Annie were on the same cycle after all.

Ryan stomped off to his room.

“Bye, mate! Happy Christmas!” Liam called after him with a huge grin on his face.

Ryan ignored him completely.

When we were alone Liam turned to face me, his expression suddenly serious. “I’m going to miss you.”

I smiled at him over my coffee cup. “I’ll miss you too.”

He nodded, but there was still uncertainty in his eyes. I waited for him to say something else or ask me to reassure him, but he didn’t. He finished his coffee in silence, then started gathering his things.

Once he had everything together and he was ready to go, he stopped in front of me. “See you in a month?”

“Of course. Why do you say it like you’re not sure if I’ll still be here?” I thought we’d established things at the beach house, but for some reason he still looked worried.

He swallowed. “You told me before that you had too much going on to commit, but you never told me what. Whatever your secret is, it’s been keeping us apart. I’m just terrified it will pop up and ruin things.”

My blood turned to ice and it took me a few seconds to be able to breathe. When I did, I tried to force out a smile. Until that second I hadn’t thought about Julie or the accident or my promise. I’d only thought about Liam. But in the light of his comment, I knew eventually it was going to come up. Then I’d be forced to make a choice. Maybe it would have been an easy choice for some people, but not for me. For me it would feel like dealing a death blow to Julie.

“It will be fine,” I whispered.

Liam’s blue eyes clouded over and he nodded. He pulled me against him and kissed me like he was saying good-bye for good, and for some reason it made me tear up. When he pulled back, I laughed and brushed the tears aside. Trying to act like it was nothing.

I could tell he wasn’t convinced.

18

I made it through Christmas okay. I didn’t talk to Julie and didn’t write in my notebook. The need to do both was slowly fading away, and I was working on forgiving myself. Taking Dr. Houseman’s advice. It wasn’t easy to push away the guilt when it crept up on me—which happened more often at home than it did at school—but whenever it did, I would close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I blew it out, I would focus on a good memory. Something Julie and I had done together that was fun and innocent and couldn’t hurt me. Like the time we sat through a Twilight marathon, right before the last movie premiered. Ten straight hours of vampire and werewolf love triangles that had us both in tears by the end.

Liam called me every day. Ryan had gotten over his grumpiness a little, and whenever he saw me on the phone with his roommate, he grinned, letting me know it really was okay with him. My mom was beyond thrilled, gushing about how adorable Liam was and how sexy his accent sounded. It was a little weird to hear her use the words sexy and Liam in the same sentence, but since I couldn’t deny it was true, I had to let it go.

It wasn’t until Christmas and New Year’s had ended that the ball finally dropped. We were only a couple days from going back to school, so close to seeing Liam again I could practically taste his lips. That’s when I got the email.

I was in the middle of making hot chocolate with my mom when my phone dinged, letting me know I had a new email. It was in my back pocket and my hands were full, so I ignored the message until I had made it safely into the other room with the steaming mugs. I handed one off to Ryan, then pulled out my phone as I settled onto the couch. My dad had a movie all ready to start, and I almost put my phone down. Then I remembered the email. I pulled it up, and when I saw the name, my hand shook so badly I almost let go of my mug. A couple drops flew out and landed on my wrist. I was too focused on my phone to even feel the sting of the hot liquid.

I pulled up the email, and held my breath while I read:

Cami—

I’m sorry to have to do this to you over the holidays when I know you’re at home enjoying time with your family. If I could have waited for another time I would have. Unfortunately, this has to happen now. I’d like to meet you for coffee to talk about something very important. Email me back and let me know if you’re free tomorrow.

—Jamie

The message didn’t tell me much, only that Julie’s older sister wanted to talk to me. I hadn’t seen Jamie in years, since even before the accident. I had no idea whether or not she blamed me the way her parents did, but I knew I couldn’t just ignore her. What if she wanted to tell me something important? Like she forgave me. Or better yet, Julie’s mom forgave me. What if something had happened to Julie? There were dozens of possibilities, so many that I knew I’d never be able to sleep until I saw Jamie and found out what was happening. She said it couldn’t wait. That it was important.

My hands shook when I emailed her back, so I kept it simple, telling her I could meet tomorrow at Starbucks. I hit SEND, then sat back and tried to focus on the movie. My vision was so blurry and unfocused that the screen looked like nothing but colorful fuzz.

Less than a minute later, my phone dinged again. I pulled the email up and my heart pounded when I saw the message from Jamie, confirming that she would meet me the next day at noon. I was too shaky to even try to respond.

I barely slept a wink, and the next day I was out of the house by eleven. Starbucks was literally ten minutes from my house, but I couldn’t sit still. I even ignored Liam’s call, which made me writhe with shame. You’d think I would eventually get used to the way my gut clenched when I was wracked with guilt, but I never did.

I couldn’t stop squirming while I waited for Jamie to show up. Starbucks was full, but I’d chosen a table in the back corner. It was as private as we could get in a place like this. I wasn’t sure what Jamie had to say, but I was pretty certain I didn’t want to hear it. Not when there were so many people around to watch me crumble to pieces. The door opened and the second I set eyes on Jamie, my legs started to shake. She looked exactly the same as the last time I’d seen her. Her golden hair was pulled back and her cheeks were pink from the cold. She rubbed her hands together while she scanned the room, and when her brown eyes met mine, everything around us froze.

She smiled as she headed my way, but it was sad. Hesitant, even. Like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see me. That made two of us.

“Hi, Cami,” she said as she slid into the chair across from me.

“Hi.” My voice shook, so I swallowed, hoping to control it.

Jamie took a deep breath, then tugged on her ponytail. “Thanks for meeting me.”

“I was surprised you wanted to see me.”

“I don’t blame you, Cami.” Jamie leaned back and her shoulders slumped, and when she looked down, I noticed the circles under her eyes. She’d tried to cover them up with makeup, but it didn’t work.

Neither one of us said a word for a few moments; the silence stretched on until I was squirming in my chair. It felt like there was a cloud hanging over me and I was waiting for it to open up. I knew it was coming, I just wasn’t sure when.

I couldn’t take the suspense any longer, so I blurted out, “I went to see her.”

Jamie looked up and her eyes held mine, but it was impossible to tell what she was thinking. “Julie?”

I nodded even though I didn’t need to, just as she didn’t really need to ask. Julie was the only thing connecting Jamie and me. “Over the summer, right before I went off to college. I needed to say good-bye. Then, over Thanksgiving break, I went to the hospital. Your parents were there . . .”

Jamie nodded like I didn’t have to tell her how that had turned out. Maybe she’d heard the story from her mom and dad. Remembering it made my face flush with shame and my insides hurt. Like they were bleeding. I felt so messed up inside, but no one got it. Not really.

My eyes met Jamie’s, and I realized I was wrong about that. Jamie understood.

Suddenly, I had the need to talk to someone who got how I felt. Someone who was hurting not only as much as I was, but more.

“I talk to her,” I said. “I know it sounds crazy, and maybe it is, but I’ve been talking to her ever since the accident. I even write her letters, tell her what I’m doing. I can’t seem to let her go.”

“I talk to her too,” Jamie whispered.

Something inside me eased. Hearing that Jamie did the same thing made me see things in a different light. Made me believe I wasn’t totally nuts after all. I was dealing the only way I knew how, just like everyone else. Sure, it was a little outside the box, but that’s how I’d always been anyway. A square peg trying to fit into a world full of round holes, so to speak.

Jamie scooted forward in her chair, then leaned closer to me. The expression on her face was so serious it made all the comfort I’d taken in her words disappear. With that one look all the confidence and peace I’d felt a second ago was gone. Vanished. Like it had never been there in the first place.

“They’re turning off her life support,” Jamie said in a trembling voice. “There isn’t much time left.”

All the air left my lungs and my heart sputtered like it was on the verge of quitting. Or breaking.

Of all the things I’d imagined Jamie was going to tell me, those words were something I hadn’t even considered. A part of me had really believed Julie would be there forever. That her parents would never let her go. That I would be in limbo for the rest of my life, visiting her in the hospital. Watching her age in that bed while the world continued to move around her. There had been so many times I’d wished her parents would just have the guts to move on. My reasons were partially selfish, sure. I’d thought if Julie could find her peace, then maybe I could too.

Now that it was here, I wasn’t sure if I was ready.

“I wanted you to know,” Jamie said, swiping her hand across her eyes. “So you’d have a chance to say good-bye to her.”

My throat burned with unshed tears, but I swallowed them down. “When? You said there wasn’t much time. When are they doing it?”

Jamie sat back and let out a deep breath. In that moment, she looked like she was forty years old. The light in her once youthful eyes had dimmed, leaving nothing behind but emptiness. “In a week. I don’t know why they’re waiting until then. They’ve finally decided to go ahead and move on, so it just makes sense to get it over with. Like pulling off a Band-Aid, you know? To be honest, there haven’t been many things they’ve done since the accident that I’ve understood. But they’re my parents and Julie is their daughter, and they’re hurting, and I know they’re trying to deal with it all the best they can.”

“Do they still blame me?” I whispered, even though I knew the answer. I wanted to look away from Jamie so she wouldn’t see the pain in my eyes, but I couldn’t. I needed to see her expression. Needed to know the truth.

“Probably, I don’t know.” Jamie shrugged, then shook her head as if none of it mattered anyway. “They just needed someone to blame so they didn’t have to blame themselves. You know that, right? But Cami, Julie made those choices. Not you, not me, and not Mom and Dad. Julie.”

My chest tightened and the sudden urge to hurl was so strong I had to swallow it down. Jamie was saying the accident was Julie’s fault? It didn’t feel right. Like badmouthing the dead. When someone passes away, you’re only supposed to say good things about them. No matter how much of an asshole they were, you don’t trash them. Right?

“You’re blaming Julie?”

“I’m saying that we all make choices, and Julie made hers. It may have left the rest of us in pieces, but that doesn’t mean we’re to blame.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I blinked them back. “So everyone keeps telling me.”

Jamie exhaled and her eyes filled with tears again. This time, she didn’t bother to wipe them away. “You aren’t the only one who let her get away with stuff.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, studying her closely.

“I could never tell Julie no. She was my baby sister. She knew how to push my buttons. What to say or do to get her way.” Jamie pressed her lips together and her hands clenched into fists. “I’ve never told anyone. Maybe I should tell my parents, I don’t know. I just can’t stand the thought of them thinking I betrayed them when they’re still hurting so much.”

“What are you talking about, Jamie?” My own hands were clenched, only in my lap where she couldn’t see them. The sharp points of my nails dug into my palms, threatening to break the skin.

“I covered for her all the time,” Jamie said. “She would tell Mom and Dad she was staying at my house, then go to a party. Sometimes it was five o’clock in the morning before she got home. I let it happen. Convinced myself she’d do it anyway. That she’d be okay as long as she had a safe place to go at the end of the night.”

I couldn’t talk. It had never occurred to me that Jamie might have aided in Julie’s rebellion. Jamie had always been the good girl. The one with straight A’s. The teacher’s pet. Was she telling me all this so I’d feel better, or so she would? I wasn’t even sure whether or not it did make me feel better. It didn’t change what I’d done.

“I still feel responsible,” I said. “I’m trying to get over it, to move on. But it’s so hard.”

Jamie nodded and tugged on her ponytail again. “I know. Believe me.” A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away. She took a deep breath, then stood. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay. It’s just too hard. But I wanted to make sure you knew what was happening. You and Julie were so close. From that first day in kindergarten . . .” She swallowed and looked away. “You should get to say good-bye, too.”

She took one step away and nodded as if she was trying to convince herself she’d done the right thing. She turned, looking back at me one last time before heading to the door. “Go tonight. Mom and Dad are making arrangements for the funeral. They won’t be there. Do it while you have the chance.”

Then Jamie hurried out of Starbucks, leaving me alone. Again.

The sterile white halls of the hospital felt darker and smaller than they actually were. There was no logical explanation for it, not with the bright fluorescent lights shining down on me from above. The closer I got to the room, the tighter my body felt. As if everything was about to close in on me. It’s how I always felt when I came to visit, and after last time it was all so much worse. Jamie had assured me her parents wouldn’t be around, but my heart was still pounding like crazy. What if they were here again?

A nurse headed my way, and I hid my face, afraid she would recognize me from before. Luckily, she was focused on the file in her hand and didn’t even glance my way. Relaxing was impossible, though.

I slowed as I approached Julie’s room. The door was open, which wasn’t unusual, but I wanted to stake the place out before I went in. I wouldn’t survive a repeat of the last visit. Mrs. Wilson’s shrill voice still rang in my ears.

I stopped outside the door and peeked in. The curtain dividing the room was drawn shut, and I could only see the end of Julie’s bed. The room looked empty, so I took one hesitant step inside. Waiting. Holding my breath while I strained my ears for any sound that might indicate someone was sitting on the other side of the curtain. The machines keeping Julie alive clicked and beeped, and the respirator made the same sound it always did: a quiet whooshing noise that reminded me of Darth Vader, which always made me smile just a little. Julie would have laughed at that.

After a minute of standing in the doorway, I forced my feet forward. The closer I got to the bed, the more I could see. She was covered in a mauve blanket that looked scratchy and not nearly thick enough. Even through the material I could tell her legs were thinner than the last time I’d seen her. When I got closer and caught sight of her bony wrists and arms, it made my chest constrict until I wasn’t sure I’d be able to fill my lungs. She was wasting away and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing anyone could do about it.

The thought hurt more than my own guilt.

When her face finally came into view, I couldn’t focus on it through the tears in my eyes. I blinked them away as I stepped closer, and did my best not to look at the tubes coming out of her, hooking her to machines. It hurt too much, knowing they were the only things that kept her alive.

Her skin was so pale. I’d never seen her like that before the accident. Julie had been a beach lover like me. We’d spent so many days lying in the sun together, I’d never be able to count them even if I tried. Now she could probably pass for one of the Cullens. Like she was a vampire, or she hadn’t spent a day in the sun in her entire life.

“Hey. Sorry it’s been so long since I came by,” I said as I took her hand. It felt unbelievably small in mine. Like a child’s. “I have a lot to tell you. I started college, you know. It’s been interesting, but not quite as crazy as we’d always thought it would be. Maybe that’s because you aren’t there with me.”

I lowered myself into the chair at her side, but didn’t let go of her hand. The rhythmic whoosh of the respirator seemed louder than a drum. A vase overflowing with pink roses sat on the side table. They were fresh, but that was no surprise. There had been fresh flowers the only other times I’d managed to sneak in visits as well. They were always pink, and I knew they were from Julie’s mom. It was ironic considering how much Julie hated the color pink.

“So, I met this guy. It’s kind of funny, actually. He’s British and really cute and an amazing kisser, but he’s different than I thought. I didn’t expect to really like him, you know? He was just a way to pass the time, something crazy to do.” I sighed and stared at Julie’s hand in mine. At the way her pale fingers rested lifelessly against my palm. Like she was a corpse already. “That stuff’s hard for me, Julie. I know I promised you I’d be crazy and wild, and I really don’t want to disappoint you, but I’m not sure it’s me. If you were here, I’d know what to do, but I constantly find myself worrying about making mistakes. Like I did with you.

“I was writing you letters. I know you’ll never read them and I know you can’t hear me right now, but I did it anyway. Dr. Houseman suggested it. To keep me from talking to you. It helps, at least I think it does. It’s hard to tell, really. Some days I feel fine. Some days I forget to miss you and I feel like the old me. The funny, happy me you always knew. Then something will happen that makes me think of you and I feel like I’ve been punched. Then the guilt comes back, only worse than before. I feel bad for having fun, you know? Do you think you’d feel like that if the situation were reversed?”

The pain in my stomach was so intense I had to stop talking. My throat tightened as I stared down at my best friend. Only she wasn’t my best friend anymore. Julie was gone. The empty shell lying in that bed wasn’t Julie. It wasn’t the same as someone who was in a coma. I was talking to air. Julie couldn’t hear me.

The longer I sat there, the more it hit me that I was never going to see Julie again. We would never go shopping together or talk about our dates. She wouldn’t be at my wedding and would never have one herself. She’d never have kids or grow old. Julie would forever be a hole in my life that ached to be filled.

My eyes filled with tears I didn’t even bother to hold back. They spilled over and ran down my cheeks, dropping onto my jeans. Within seconds the tears had turned to sobs that shook my body so hard it made it impossible to catch my breath.

How the hell was I supposed to say good-bye?

“I guess this is the last time I’m going to see you,” I said through the sobs. If anyone had been around, they wouldn’t have been able to understand me. “I didn’t expect it to be this hard. It’s been almost a year since the accident, and I guess I thought when it finally came to this, it would be a relief. That I’d finally feel some closure. It feels more like someone has jabbed a knife into my heart. I hurt, Julie. I miss you so much that I’ve turned into this crazy shell of a person who can’t make it through the week without talking to a ghost. That’s what you are now. A ghost who follows me around, haunting me. I’m afraid you’ll always be haunting me.”

I had to stop talking because I was crying too hard. My body trembled and I couldn’t catch my breath. Couldn’t form real words anymore. So I laid my head on Julie’s bed and held her hand and let the tears take over.

I didn’t tell anyone about Julie. My parents would hear after the fact, but I couldn’t say it out loud. Plus, I wouldn’t be welcome at the funeral and it just hurt too much to face that reality. It was easier to pretend the whole thing wasn’t happening.

The next three days I ignored every one of Liam’s calls. I was teetering on the edge of a cliff, and I knew at any moment I’d fall over. All the guilt I’d managed to suppress came back full force, making it difficult to do anything. The closer it got to Julie’s inevitable end, the more I found myself looking through old pictures and memorabilia from high school.

It wasn’t until I got to our freshman year book that I finally lost it, though.

I was flipping through, looking for pictures of Julie and me, and when I got to the back of the book I found the giant note she’d written. It took up the entire page, making it impossible for anyone else to write on that page. My vision blurred with tears before I could read it, and I tried to blink them away. One escaped and dropped onto the page, right on top of the word crazy. Magnifying it. I wiped the rest of the tears from my eyes so I could read the line.

No matter what happens, you’ll always have me to be crazy with. Best friends forever!

Only I didn’t have Julie. She was gone and it was my fault. Here I was enjoying life and moving on like she didn’t matter to me at all. It wasn’t fair to Julie.

If she wasn’t alive, I didn’t deserve to be happy.

19

Ryan and I returned to school, and Annie came back the next day. Her mood seemed as dark as mine, but I was too busy drowning in my own sorrow to wonder why. Bad visit with the overprotective dad, probably.

Liam arrived two days later. By then, he had stopped trying to call me. I knew he’d eventually pop up and demand to know what my problem was, but I couldn’t focus on it. Not while knowing Julie’s parents were going to end her life support the next day. Not while knowing that two days later there would be a funeral where all the people who loved Julie were welcome to pay their last respects and openly mourn while I sat by myself and cried.

The day I’d been dreading started with a phone call. I was still in bed, skipping classes even though it was the first day of the semester. When my phone rang I was half asleep and too dazed to really think it through, so I answered without looking to see who it was.

“Cami? Are you sick? Annie said you were in bed.”

Even though Liam was the only British guy I knew, it still took me a second to register it was him.

“I’m not—” I had to stop so I could swallow down a few tears. “Feeling great.”

Liam didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and when he finally spoke he sounded so hurt it ripped me up just a little bit more. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I can’t talk about this right now, Liam. Maybe tomorrow.”

I hung up before he had a chance to say anything, then pulled the blanket over my head, burying myself as far down as I could, using the covers to block everything out. It was early—only nine o’clock— and I wasn’t sure what time they were going to take Julie off life support. In my head, I envisioned her family gathered in the hospital room, holding hands while the doctor read over a piece of paper. Her mom would be crying. Probably cursing my name. Her dad would sign something. Then the doctor would yank a plug out of the wall, causing the machines I’d come to know so well to turn off.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew that wasn’t really how it worked, but lying there with what felt like the world falling down around me, that’s how I pictured it. The fact that it was totally unrealistic didn’t make it any less devastating. Didn’t make my body or heart hurt any less.

I didn’t leave bed all day except to go to the bathroom, and I spent most of my time dozing off. Annie asked me how I was whenever she came through, and I lied every time. Telling her I had a bug. I just needed to rest. Tomorrow I’d be okay.

When I woke and saw that it was after six o’clock, I knew it was over. Julie was gone. Somehow, I’d expected to feel different. Like a part of me really was missing. But that’s not how I felt. If anything, I was numb.

I kicked off the covers and rolled over onto my back, staring up into the dark room. Annie wasn’t around and I had no clue where she was, but at that moment I was glad to be alone. I needed to think things through. Decide what I was going to do. I’d spent the day hiding, but I couldn’t hide forever. Tomorrow I had to move forward, either with Liam or with my promise to Julie. But which direction should I take? One would hurt someone I really cared about, but the other would hurt me. I was sure of it.

“Okay, Julie,” I said, blinking back the tears. “You’re gone now. It sucks so much that I seriously have no idea where to go from here. I like Liam. A lot. But no matter how I spin it, I can’t justify it in my head. You’ll never have the chance to fall in love, so how can I?”

My chest constricted as if someone had reached inside to grab my heart, and I took a deep breath. I held it until the pain subsided. My lungs began to burn and then my throat. The pain in my chest didn’t lessen, so I finally let out all the air.

I wasn’t sure if the throbbing in my heart was from losing Liam or Julie. Maybe both.

Getting out of bed the next morning was rough. My body ached worse than when I was hung over, and my hands shook the entire time I applied my makeup. But I had a smile pasted on my lips. To me it felt so fake, I thought my face might crack, but Annie didn’t seem to notice that anything was off.

I kept up a constant stream of chatter. “So I gave it a lot of thought over the break and decided this thing with me and Liam has to end. I mean, I’m eighteen. I can’t settle down yet, no matter how hot or amazing in bed the guy is. And he is amazing, trust me! Things have been too tame up until now. We’re in college! We should go out and party. This weekend, I’m taking you to a bar and I don’t want to hear any arguments.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Annie shrugged as if she didn’t care, but she’d been really down since she got back from California. A part of me wanted to ask what was going on, but I knew I couldn’t focus on her problems. If I added any more stress to my life, I was pretty sure it would crush me.

“Good, glad we’re on the same page.” I spun around to face her, flashing my biggest smile. “Now wish me luck! I’m off to break Liam’s heart.”

Annie frowned and her eyebrows pulled down. “Good luck?”

I shrugged and practically skipped to the door, which was total overkill, but I couldn’t stop myself. My body had been taken over by fake Cami. The Cami who’d been in control of my life since Julie’s accident. The one who was always happy and smiling.

Liam was already waiting for me at Starbucks when I walked in. He had a coffee for me, just like always. Even though it hurt my heart just a little, I didn’t accept it when he held it out. He put the cup down and frowned as I dropped into the chair across from him. It was obvious from the expression on his face he knew what was coming.

“How was your time at home?” I asked, smiling as if everything was totally normal.

“Bloody brilliant,” he muttered.

I smiled and flipped my hair over my shoulder. “Good. Listen, we have to talk. I think you got the wrong idea before. I didn’t totally get it until I was home and you were calling every day, but it’s clear now that we’ve had a bit of a miscommunication. I told you from the beginning this was casual, and I thought you understood.”

Liam shook his head and I swear his eyes shimmered. “What happened at my dad’s beach house wasn’t fucking casual.”

My throat tightened, but I’d become an expert at hiding my true feelings. So I pursed my lips and tried to make it look like I was losing my patience, even though my legs were shaking. “It was for me.”

Liam swallowed and looked away. He didn’t respond.

“I was just having a good time, and I thought you were too.”

He sat back and stared at me unblinkingly for a moment. Then he said, “So this is how it’s going to be? You got what you wanted from me and now you’re going to walk away. Like none of it meant a bloody thing. Like I didn’t take you into my dad’s house and tell you things I’ve never even told Ryan!”

People turned to look our way and I tried to act as if it was no big deal, but my face got warm. Liam didn’t even blink.

“This is karma, isn’t it? All those times I shagged girls and shoved them off when they asked for more. Now you’re doing the same fucking thing to me. That’s it, isn’t it?”

I rolled my eyes and pushed out my chair. More people were looking and I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. “This isn’t some kind of conspiracy, Liam. Get over yourself.”

“Cami!” Liam jumped to his feet and took a step forward. But he must have thought better of whatever he was going to say, because he shook his head.

“I’m sure I’ll see you around, Liam. If it makes you feel any better, I had a good time with you.”

The expression on his face felt like a dagger in my heart, but I was pretty sure whatever he was feeling was a million times worse. That’s when I really started hating myself.

After that I went through every day feeling like a fraud. I smiled and laughed and acted like I couldn’t be happier, but inside I was in pieces.

Every weekend was a party. I dragged Annie to bars and flirted with any guy who would look my way, and drank until the world became fuzzy. Until my brain stopped working and I stopped thinking about how Julie was gone for good. Until that heartbroken look on Liam’s face blurred and I could barely even remember his name.

By the time February rolled around, I was like a robot—a robot programmed to go to class and socialize and drink until it blacked out. My life was spiraling out of control. It was like I was caught in a tornado that twisted everything until I didn’t recognize it.

I’d gotten so good at putting on a fake smile that no one seemed to notice. It helped that I spent most of my time with Annie, who was going through her own drama. If I had been a whole person, I might have been concerned about her. It was obvious she was having a tough time, and we didn’t even talk about her list anymore. But I was too focused on self-medicating with alcohol, and in my troubled brain the best solution for whatever she was going through was to drag her to every bar in town.

Even Ryan, who had once been so invested in protecting me from myself, was dangerously absent. I’d always hated his fake parenting, but for some reason his absence made me feel even more abandoned. Chris avoided me because of Annie, and Liam was so hurt and angry, he wouldn’t even look at me. Every day I hated who I was a little more, which only made me want to drink harder. So I could forget, numb the pain in my body, and pretty much pretend I was someone else.

On the second Friday in February, I was already getting ready for the night when Annie got back from her run. She stomped through the door, covered in sweat, and practically ran to the bathroom. The look on her face made me freeze in the middle of applying my mascara. Hopefully, she wasn’t about to get sick. I needed her to go out with me.

I was all geared up for a fight when Annie came out of the bathroom after her shower. Every weekend she seemed to be even less enthusiastic about going out. Surprisingly, though, I didn’t even have to bring it up.

“Where are we going tonight?” she asked, ripping her closet open and narrowing her eyes at the clothes.

“You want to go out?” I arched an eyebrow and watched her sort through the clothes in her closet. Something really was up with her.

She nodded as she pulled out a green dress. “Yup. I need a break.”

“Me too,” I said, turning back to my mirror, thankful that I wouldn’t have to talk her into it.

20

Within seconds of stepping into the bar, I had my sights set. Whenever I picked guys out, the taller ones automatically went to Annie, so I focused my attention on the shorter of the two. He was nice-looking. Nothing to write home about, but not awful. I figured if I had enough to drink, he’d start to look hot and everything out of his mouth would sound brilliant. Beer goggles, right? And beer hearing aids? Something like that.

I couldn’t have picked the second guy out of a lineup even if there was only one other person. That’s how little I cared what he looked like. Annie didn’t complain when I dragged her over to them, so I figured it was okay. Just like I’d hoped, my guy started buying me drinks. He told me his name, but I didn’t bother listening as I poured the alcohol down my throat. I swear, if the bar had a beer bong, I would have been first in line.

By the time Liam and Chris walked through the front door, I was already drunk. They pushed their way through the crowd as I swayed on my heels, my eyes focused on Liam. He didn’t seem to notice me, but I couldn’t look away from him. When a girl I didn’t know threw her arms around him, it sent a jolt straight through me. I downed another shot and forced myself to focus on the guy in front of me. He smiled and my head swam. Still, I couldn’t get Liam out of my head. He was in my system and I was afraid I wasn’t strong enough. Something drastic had to happen or I was going to cave, and a one-night stand seemed like the perfect thing.

The night became a blur. I laughed at everything my target said, responded with the proper flirty comments. Downed the drinks he bought me like a pro. Basically did everything I could to erase Liam from my mind. By the time my guy suggested we head to a club, I was so wound up, it sounded like the best idea I’d ever heard.

Somehow, Annie managed to back out of the whole thing, and I found myself walking down the crowded sidewalks of Charleston by myself with a guy whose name I didn’t even know. I wobbled so much on my heels that I took the shoes off after a couple blocks. Later, I could vaguely remember being groped by the guy I’d picked up, then stopping in the middle of the street to shove my tongue down his throat. I swear. Right in the middle of the street. A cab honked at us and I think I screamed at it.

Somehow, we ended up not at a club but at the guy’s downtown loft.

I wish I could say that my one-night stand was a liberating experience. That I didn’t feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman the next morning. Unfortunately, that would be a lie.

What actually happened was that I woke up with a killer headache and a stomach that felt like it had been put through a blender. Not only that, but it took me literally ten minutes to remember where I was and why I wasn’t wearing any clothes. Even looking at the naked guy next to me didn’t help. He wasn’t the least bit familiar in the early morning.

I searched through my foggy memories from the night before and tried desperately to remember what had happened. If we’d in fact had sex. If we had used protection. If I’d enjoyed it. Other than a few fuzzy memories of the walk through downtown, I couldn’t recall a thing.

The guy’s apartment was disgusting. The sheets smelled like stale alcohol and when I tiptoed to the bathroom I wanted to hurl. I knew single guys weren’t typically neat freaks like Ryan, but the bathroom looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in about five years. Just the amount of pee on the back of the toilet made me gag.

When I saw my reflection in the mirror, it was like looking at a stranger. There were dark circles under my eyes from my smeared mascara, and my hair was in knots. I stared at myself for a few minutes without blinking, and then the tears came. I had the urge to smash the mirror or scream or throw something. Not exactly how I imagined feeling after accomplishing that big thing on my list. Even the used condom in the trash can didn’t make me feel any better. Great, we’d probably used protection; that was good. But the fact that I’d been there at all made me hate myself more than ever.

It was early, but I wanted to get the hell out of that apartment before what’s-his-name woke up, so I threw my clothes on, grabbed my shoes and phone, then ran.

Annie’s bed was still made when I got back to the dorm. The first thing I felt was relief. Thank God no one was around to witness my shame. I jumped in the shower and scrubbed my skin under the scalding water, trying to wash the whole experience away.

When I was dressed and had collected myself a little more, it hit me how weird it was that Annie hadn’t slept in her bed. I vaguely remembered her leaving the bar alone, but I wasn’t sure what had happened after that. Did she call a cab? Walk back to the dorm? Meet up with someone else?

The hell if I knew.

I called her phone but it went straight to voice mail, so I left a message. Then I waited. By nine o’clock I couldn’t sit still. Annie didn’t stay out all night. Not like this. There had to be an explanation for it. Someone must have seen her.

Chris was the only person I could think of. I had a dim memory of him being at the bar last night, so I headed to his room. I pounded on the door and waited for him to answer. When he didn’t come, I banged harder.

Chris was shirtless and groggy when he finally ripped the door open. “What do you want, Cami?” he growled. “It’s Saturday!”

“Have you seen Annie?” I tried to look around him, hoping she’d be hiding in his bed, ashamed that she had caved and slept with Chris, but safe.

He snorted, then leaned against the door. “Not since last night at the bar. We aren’t together, remember?”

I gnawed on my bottom lip, trying to come up with a logical explanation. Ryan had taken her home once. After the Christmas party. Maybe she’d run into him and he’d dragged her back to his place to sleep it off. But she hadn’t really been drunk, had she? Maybe she was. It was impossible for me to know because I’d been so wasted.

Chris stood up straight, suddenly more alert. “Cami? What’s wrong?”

“Annie didn’t come back to the dorm and she didn’t answer her phone. I know she left the bar alone last night, so I’m not sure what happened to her.”

Chris was worried too. I could see it in his eyes. I knew he really cared about Annie—claimed he was in love with her, even—so it wasn’t a surprise.

“Call Ryan and Liam,” he said.

Shit. No way was I calling Liam. “I’ll call Ryan, you handle Liam.”

Chris rolled his eyes and headed back into his room. “Let me get my phone.”

The door shut in my face as I pulled up Ryan’s info and hit SEND. Just like Annie’s phone, it went straight to voice mail. Okay, that was annoying. Why did everyone turn their phones off when they slept?

“Ryan, it’s Cami. Annie didn’t come home last night and I’m worried. Call me. Let me know if you’ve seen her.”

Chris’s door swung open, and he came back out with his cell phone. He also had on a shirt and a pair of flip-flops. “Any luck?”

“Ryan didn’t answer.”

Chris nodded and held the phone up to his ear. After a few seconds, he frowned and hit END. “Liam’s not answering.” He sighed and drummed his fingers against his thigh. “Where else could she be?”

I shrugged because I didn’t have a freaking clue. “I don’t know any of her other friends.”

“You’re so self-involved, Cami,” Chris snapped. “She’s your roommate!”

It felt like he’d punched me. He was right. I’d been thinking only about myself for the past few weeks. I knew something was going on with Annie, especially yesterday. She came back from that run looking like her cat had just been run over, and all I could focus on was how she might ruin my plans to go out and get drunk.

It was like Julie all over again.

Chris headed toward the elevator, motioning for me to follow. “Come on. Let’s go to the apartment and see if she’s there.”

I trotted after him, feeling like I’d failed all over again. At that point, I was pretty sure Annie’s body was washed up on some beach. And it was all my fault.

Chris had to hit the buzzer three times before Liam finally answered. “What the bloody hell do you want?”

“It’s Chris. Let us in.”

Liam swore and the door clicked, and I charged up the stairs without waiting for Chris. The door was cracked when I got there, so I didn’t have to knock. For the first time since I ended things with Liam, I wasn’t nervous about seeing him. I was too worried about Annie. I’d spent the entire walk over picturing everything that could have gone wrong and it was making me crazy. Well, crazier.

I shoved the door open the rest of the way and charged in. “Is Annie here?”

Liam was in the kitchen making coffee. He glanced my way and his jaw tightened, then he went back to the coffeemaker. “Morning to you, too.”

“Liam!” I snapped, making him look up. “Is Annie here?”

“Not unless she and Ryan are shagging.” His eyes finally focused on me and he took a step closer. “You okay?”

Chris came into the apartment behind me before I could answer. “Is she here?”

“What the hell is going on?” Liam asked.

I ignored them both and headed back to Ryan’s room. She wasn’t at the apartment or Ryan would be on the couch, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t seen or talked to her after she left the club. Maybe he had some idea where she could be. If nothing else, he had the number for Annie’s friend Jess. She was the only other person I knew Annie spent time with.

Damn. Chris was right about me being too self-involved.

I didn’t bother knocking on Ryan’s door. He wasn’t dating anyone and he wasn’t the type of guy who would pick someone up in a bar, so he should have been alone.

I shoved it open and stepped in. “Ryan, Annie never came—”

The words died on my lips when my eyes landed on Annie.

Naked.

In bed with Ryan.

Holy shit!

Annie’s face turned bright red and she grabbed the sheet, pulling it up to her chin. Ryan dropped the condom he was holding. A condom!? I couldn’t wrap my pickled brain around what the hell was going on, but I knew Annie shouldn’t be in my cousin’s bed. Naked. And Ryan should not have a condom. There were just too many things wrong about the situation.

“Shit,” Ryan said, grabbing for the sheet. He pulled it higher and his face got just as red as Annie’s. “What are you doing? Don’t you knock? Shut the door!”

I couldn’t move. Footsteps pounded down the hall behind me, then Liam was there at my side. He chuckled, which made me want to hit him. There wasn’t a funny thing about the situation! Especially not a couple seconds later when Chris headed toward us to see what all the noise was about.

He looked like he was going to throw up when he saw Annie. There were flames in his eyes. I swear, actually flames! It was like something out of a cartoon. He looked back and forth between Ryan and Annie, but neither one said a word. Ryan acted like he was going to get up, but stopped. I wasn’t sure if it was to shut the door or talk to Chris, but considering Ryan was naked, it was a good thing he stayed where he was.

Chris turned and stomped down the hall. He went into the bathroom—slamming the door behind him—and it snapped me out of it. I didn’t know how the hell I felt about the whole thing or what I was supposed to do, but I knew I needed to get the hell away. I shot Annie a glare, then spun on my heel and headed for the front door.

I was halfway down the stairs when I remembered the morning after the Christmas party. Annie had been in Ryan’s bed then too. The blood on the sheets . . . Maybe she hadn’t started her period after all. How long had this been going on?

I felt betrayed, but I didn’t know why. How many times had I thought Annie and Ryan would be perfect for each other? A lot. Like pretty much every time we’d hung out as a group. She and Chris had never really made sense to me, and Ryan and Jess were a total joke. I liked Annie, loved Ryan. So why the hell was I mad?

And I was. I was so furious my body shook and my cheeks boiled. The air outside was so cold it felt crisp against my skin. I needed to cool off, so I went for a walk down toward the bay. The closer I got, the colder the wind felt. It whipped down the streets, bringing with it the salty chill from the water.

I didn’t stop until I reached the pineapple fountain. I took a seat on a cement bench that turned my ass to ice in two seconds flat. My body was one giant goose bump, and even crossing my arms over my chest didn’t help.

For more than an hour I stayed there, staring out over the water, trying to figure out what I felt and thought and how I could be mad at Annie for something so stupid. It wasn’t until my nose became numb that I realized my anger had nothing to do with Annie. I was mad at myself for overlooking the whole situation. For being so out of control I’d ignored all the signs—and there had been signs. Plenty of them, now that I looked back. But more than that, I was pissed at myself for sleeping with some guy I didn’t know, for drinking so much I couldn’t even remember it, for allowing my life to turn into a mess when I was supposed to be living with no regrets.

That had been my goal, after all. No regrets. That’s what I had really promised Julie. It shouldn’t have been about not settling down or about going crazy or making stupid choices I couldn’t even remember. It was about not regretting the things I’d done or not done when I got older. The way I’d been acting had caused lots of regrets. And as foolish and irresponsible as I’d been the night before, there could be more in the future. What if I’d slept with this guy and hadn’t used a condom? What if I got pregnant? An STD? Ruining my life wasn’t keeping my promise to Julie.

I thought back to that day we sat in her room, looking at Jamie’s wedding pictures, and one truth rang out that I had never bothered to acknowledge before. We were kids. Julie and I were only fifteen years old when we made that stupid promise. I’d grown up since then, and if Julie were here, she would have too. No matter how hard I tried to recapture that moment in time, I’d never be fifteen again. I couldn’t bring Julie back by putting myself in danger.

Tears filled my eyes and I had to stop. I took a few deep breaths, and once I was sure I wasn’t going to fall apart, I said, “I should have told you not to get in that car. I relive that moment every day, and I always beg you to stay with me. Would you have listened? It plays out differently in my mind almost every time. Sometimes, you say okay, but other times I have to wrestle the keys away. Sometimes I call for help. But I always save you. Always.”

I wish I had saved you.

I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, wishing I’d dressed warmer. I wasn’t even sure why I was sitting there, though. No matter how long I shivered in the cold, Julie wasn’t going to answer me. She wasn’t going to tell me what to do. That was something I would have to figure out on my own.

Finally, I pulled myself up and walked back to the dorm. It took longer than I thought it would, and by the time I got back I was shivering.

Annie didn’t come back to the room that day, which gave me more time alone than I would have liked. I could barely look at myself, but writing it all down helped. For once, I didn’t address it to Julie. I wanted to move forward, to finally be happy and live for myself. It was going to be tough because the guilt I felt was still so strong it made my knees weak, but I had to try. I had to focus on making decisions that made me happy. And I really needed to go back to see Dr. Houseman.

When my phone rang the next morning and Liam’s face popped up, my heart went crazy. I liked Liam. A lot. Enough to push him away because I’d been afraid he was going to interfere with my promise to Julie.

I didn’t want to push happiness away anymore.

“Hello?”

“Cami. I didn’t know if you were going to answer.” Liam paused like he wanted me to say something, but I didn’t have a clue what to say. When I didn’t respond he said, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m okay.” It sounded like a lie even to me. “Kind of.”

Liam sighed. “You can’t really be mad at them, Cami. They didn’t do anything wrong.”

I shook my head, then realized he couldn’t see me. “This isn’t even about Ryan and Annie. There’s so much more to it than that.” I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath.

I’d never told Liam about Julie and I wasn’t sure if Ryan ever had, either. I wasn’t sure if I could tell him about the craziness that had taken over my life. I still wanted Liam to like me, and there was no way he could like some chick who talked to her dead best friend. There were plenty of sane girls walking around Charleston.

“Then what? I know something big is going on and I’m worried about you,” he said. “You can talk to me. About anything.”

The pleading in his voice made tears come to my eyes.

“Maybe . . .” The desire to give myself to him completely was stronger than anything I’d ever experienced, and I could feel myself giving in.

“Meet me for coffee,” he said.

“Okay.” The word was out before I could think about it, but I didn’t regret it. Which was a good thing. No regrets. That was the goal I needed to focus on. Not being wild or crazy or living up to what Julie would have done, but being sure I was doing things that would make me happy.

I was in the middle of getting ready to meet Liam when Annie finally showed up. She slunk into our room with her head hung in shame, reminding me of a dog who’d been caught chewing on its master’s shoe.

I didn’t look away from the mirror as I applied my lipstick. “I was wondering when you would come crawling back.”

She sank into a chair behind me, but I couldn’t see her. I needed to let her off the hook since I wasn’t really mad about the whole thing, but I couldn’t help playing with her just a bit. It was almost like the old Cami was trying to claw her way to the surface again. Plus, I was a little annoyed she hadn’t just come out and told me what was going on. So she and Ryan liked each other? Who cared? Other than Chris, that is. If she thought I would try to keep them apart, she was the one who was nuts.

“Are you mad?” she said after a few minutes of silence.

I pressed my lips together and met her gaze in the mirror. Her honey-colored eyes were huge and full of worry.

“I was at first,” I said elusively.

Her eyes filled with hope and she leaned forward, like she was on the edge of her seat waiting for my reply. “And now?”

“I’m shocked, and a little confused.” I turned to face her, crossing my arms over my chest. All I could think about was the morning after that stupid Christmas party. I couldn’t believe they’d been sneaking around for that long and no one caught on! “How long has this been going on?”

She shrugged and picked at her nails, suddenly unable to meet my gaze. “It hasn’t, not really. We’ve liked each other for a while, but the whole thing with Chris made it complicated.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes. It figured. “I’m sure. Chris is a baby and Ryan is a wimp when it comes to him.” I lowered myself into the chair across from Annie and narrowed my eyes. She still wouldn’t look at me. “Before Christmas when there was blood in Ryan’s bed?”

Annie nodded and I had the urge to slap myself on the forehead. Liam had totally suspected something was going on, but I had brushed it off. Self-involved, as always. Obviously that was something I needed to work on.

“I didn’t have a clue, but looking back, I should have,” I said. “You were acting so weird. I just thought you were embarrassed.”

Annie nodded, and even though she still looked uncomfortable, all the misery she’d been carrying with her over the last couple weeks was gone. She looked content. Like she’d found her place in the world. Crap. How the hell hadn’t I seen it before? The way Ryan acted around her, especially when she was staying at our house over Thanksgiving break. It was so obvious now!

Her eyes met mine and she squirmed uncomfortably. “What?”

“You love him,” I said.

Her lips twitched, but she nodded. “I tried not to, I really did. I didn’t want to hurt you or Chris, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t think about anyone else.”

Geez. She and Ryan really do belong together.

I flipped my hair over my shoulder and shrugged. “Well, I approve. I wish you’d just come out and told me from the beginning, but it’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not?” She acted like she had just been acquitted of a crime.

I jumped up and glanced at my reflection as I headed toward the door. “Nope. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m meeting Liam for coffee.” I did my best to sound casual, like it was no big deal and I wasn’t on the verge of hurling.

“Liam?” Annie said skeptically.

“He called me about you and Ryan, then begged me to meet him. I decided to do him a favor.” God, I couldn’t be honest with anyone about how I felt ever. Not even the people I was supposed to be closest to. Annie would be there for me if I told her all my shit about Julie, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even let her know things weren’t perfectly sunny in my life.

I was nothing but a giant fraud.

21

I met Liam at the same Starbucks I’d broken his heart in a few weeks before. This time, he didn’t have coffee waiting for me. He barely reacted when I sat down across from him, just stared at me with those intense blue eyes of his, like he was waiting for me to take off running or throw a glass of water in his face. With the way I’d been acting, I couldn’t really blame him.

“I’m sorry about before,” I said. “About how I acted. Things have been weird with me.”

Liam nodded, then leaned forward. Almost like he’d wanted to be closer to me. “You’ve been different.”

“I’ve been having a rough time for a while now. Almost a year.” I swallowed and looked away. The idea of telling him all the details scared the shit out of me. I was afraid he’d be too freaked out. That he’d think I was too much of a mess to waste his time on. “My friend died in January.”

Liam reached out like he was going to take my hand, then stopped himself. “Are you okay?”

I forced myself to look up, and Liam’s blue eyes searched my face. They were full of concern. Compassion. Understanding. It gave me courage. Hope that he’d stick around even when he saw what a big mess I was.

“She died before that, really, back in high school. But I couldn’t let her go.” I swallowed, then took a deep breath and just went for it. I told him all about Julie and her protective parents. About her boyfriend and the party, and how she got in that car when she’d had too much to drink. “I’ve blamed myself this whole time. I should have done more, you know? And when we were younger I’d made this stupid promise to her, right after her sister got married. I promised I’d be wild and crazy and make sure I did everything I could to have no regrets. When she died, it was all I could focus on. I thought being with you meant I was letting her down.”

“Okay . . .” Liam leaned back and studied me for a few seconds. “That explains a lot.”

He didn’t say anything else, and I knew he was waiting for me to tell him more, giving me the opportunity to explain everything. For the first time, I really wanted to. No matter how scary the whole thing was, I wanted Liam to know who I was. Not just the bubbly, closet nerd who loved a good party, but the broken girl who sometimes found it difficult to breathe. To think. Who hid how she was really feeling so no one could witness her crumbling to pieces.

I licked my lips and chewed on my bottom lip, trying to decide how much crazy to shower him with at that particular moment. I didn’t want to scare him off.

“I talk to her,” I finally said, deciding to lead with the big one. The one that made me look like I needed to be locked in a padded room.

Liam’s eyes got big and round. “What do you mean, you talk to her?”

“Out loud. I tell her about my day. The crazy things I’ve done. It started right after the accident. It made me feel better. But Mama heard me and freaked out, then insisted I get help. She thought I was going nuts. But I wasn’t going nuts, not really. It’s not like Julie responds to me or anything. I just want to feel like she’s still here. Anyway, my therapist had me start writing letters to Julie instead. I guess it seemed a little less crazy, I don’t know. I just know it made everyone else feel better, so I did it.”

The more I talked, the bigger Liam’s eyes got, and the bigger his eyes got, the more I talked. I couldn’t seem to make myself stop, no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel. The story poured out of me like a waterfall.

“When I started spending time with you I felt happy for the first time since she died, and she started to slip away. I didn’t talk to her anymore and I stopped writing the letters. It felt good in a way, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But I felt guilty too. I thought I was abandoning her. Despite the guilt, I made up my mind after the Christmas party that I wanted to be with you and move forward. I was happy about it too. Ask Ryan. When we got home, you were all I could talk about.”

“What changed?” he asked, not even trying to hide the pain in his eyes. “One day everything was fine, then the next you stopped answering my calls. It bloody hurt, Cami.”

Tears filled my eyes and I found myself wishing the table wasn’t between us. I wanted to hold his hand, to kiss him. There was so much pain in his expression, and I hated that I’d been the one to do that to him.

“Julie’s parents decided to turn off her life support. Knowing she was gone for good crushed me. I don’t know how else to describe it.” A sob shook my body, but I swallowed it down. I needed to keep myself together long enough to make things right with Liam. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Liam. I really am. I should have just told you what was going on with me, but I was so scared you wouldn’t be able to handle all the craziness in my head.”

The corner of Liam’s mouth turned up. It was a tiny smile, but it was there. It made my heart beat harder. Faster. Fed the tiny sliver of hope inside me.

“Don’t you know by now that I like that you’re a little bit crazy?”

I laughed and shook my head when tears filled my eyes. The fact that he could joke around gave me hope that we could start over.

Liam exhaled and ran his hand through his adorable imitation sex hair. “It’s not like I’ve been completely honest. I know this whole turning over a new leaf thing had you totally floored, and I should have explained it better. You remember the day I yelled at you?”

At first I had no idea what he was talking about. I shook my head, then stopped mid-shake when it came back to me. “You were on the phone with your mom. You sounded upset, but you yelled at me when I asked about it.”

“Then we watched that stupid movie and you blathered on the whole time. It totally cheered me up.” He grinned. “You have a knack for that.”

“That movie wasn’t stupid!” I protested.

Liam laughed, and even after the laughter had faded away the smile stayed on his face. “See. You can’t keep your mouth shut, but it’s bloody entertaining.”

I smiled wider, and so did he. Then we sat there like two idiots grinning at each other for about three minutes. It probably seemed awkward to anyone passing by, but to me it meant a lot. It meant he could forgive me for being a fool and he could like me even though I was a little nuts. No. He liked me because I was a little nuts. There were very few people who had seen the real me. The girl who liked comics and loved superheroes, who talked to her dead best friend and went to therapy once a week.

“So what was the phone call about?” I asked after a few minutes.

Liam blinked, then laughed and ran his hand over his imitation sex hair, which looked particularly sexy at that moment. “Right. Forgot what we were talking about.”

“Be honest,” I said. “Was it because you were thinking about me naked?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “You’re a mind reader.”

We laughed together, just like we had when we first started hanging out. I loved his laugh. It made my heart do crazy things that couldn’t even be described with words.

When we settled down, Liam said, “My mum was worried about my sister. Elisabeth had been seeing this guy. I only met him once, but he was a total wanker. Didn’t like him. Anyway, he kind of screwed her over. It’s a long story, but basically it made me take a good look at myself and how I’d been acting. Then it got me thinking about my dad. How he’d treated my mum like rubbish.” The corner of his mouth turned up. “Ironically, it’s something you said that made me really decide to do something about it.”

“Me?” I was horrified that something I’d said had led Liam to make the decision not to sleep with me. That had not been my intention.

“At the beach house that first night, I told you I couldn’t sleep with you because Ryan was my mate. You pointed out that every girl I shagged could be someone’s sister. That was a bloody wakeup call, Cami. All I could think about was some guy treating Elisabeth the way I’d treated girls in the past. Made me feel like a total arse.”

“I barely even remember saying that, but I’m pretty sure I wanted it to have the opposite effect on you,” I said with a laugh.

Liam smiled, then scooted his chair around the table so we were next to each other. He took my hand and laced his fingers through mine, then just stared at our hands. Together. They fit so perfectly.

“Now what?” I asked.

“Well, I was hoping you’d go out with me.”

I bit my lip and grinned. “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

Liam squeezed my hand and I forced myself to look up. He was grinning at me, showing off those perfectly crooked teeth of his. “Exactly.”

I let out a deep breath, and a sense of ease slowly returned to my body. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was taking control of my life, and it was a good feeling. Like waking up after a bad dream. Then something I hadn’t even considered before hit me. I owed it to Julie to be happy. Nothing more, nothing less.

The following Friday I headed to Ryan and Liam’s apartment, all ready for my first date with Liam since we’d worked everything out. Even though we’d done all this before, my stomach buzzed with nervousness like a five-year-old on the way to her first day of kindergarten. Part of it was the anticipation, though.

Ryan buzzed me in when I got there, then answered the door when I knocked. He grinned down at me like all was right with the world, and I was pretty sure he wasn’t too far off.

“Liam isn’t ready. He’s still primping.”

“Okay,” I said, following him into the apartment. My nerves were trying to get the best of me, and I couldn’t stop fiddling with the zipper on my jacket.

I lowered myself into the chair as Ryan flopped onto the couch next to Annie. She smiled and blushed just a bit when his hand landed on her thigh. Their relationship may have been all out in the open now, and I may have given them my blessing, but Annie still acted like she didn’t want to advertise the whole thing. Ryan squeezed her leg and she leaned into him. When their eyes met, I wondered how I had ever missed the connection between them. Self-centered, just like Chris had said. It was something I was working on, making a concentrated effort to be less selfish. More involved in other people’s lives. It would take time, though.

Annie gave my cousin a quick kiss, then stood up. “I need to use the bathroom.”

Ryan watched her walk away, never taking his eyes off her until she disappeared down the hall. Then he turned to me and shuffled on the couch. We hadn’t been alone since the whole episode last weekend, and he looked like he was waiting for a lecture.

He wasn’t going to wait long.

“You’re an idiot,” I said. There. Short, sweet, and right to the point.

Ryan rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged like he didn’t have a clue what to say. I was sure he didn’t. “Sorry?”

“You could have just told me about Annie, you know. I wouldn’t have cared. I mean, I would have given you shit, but I wouldn’t have cared. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve thought you two would be perfect together?”

“Seriously?” Ryan grinned and shifted awkwardly.

“Starting with the moment you guys met. It’s so obvious I’m surprised I didn’t see what was going on before.” I knew it was because I’d been focused on my own shit, but I didn’t say it. I didn’t really plan on discussing all that with Ryan right then.

Ryan chuckled and relaxed. He shook his head after a few seconds, though. “Chris will never forgive me.”

“He’ll get over it,” I said, waving my hand at him. “He just needs to find someone else to distract him and he’ll be good.”

“I don’t know, Cami. He really loves Annie.”

“He doesn’t love her. Chris does this with every girl he dates; you know that. Every chick he meets is the one. Until she isn’t.” I arched an eyebrow at him. “You shouldn’t let him dictate your life so much. You may be friends, but you can’t put your happiness on hold because of him.”

The words rang true for me as much as they did for Ryan. I’d been telling myself the same thing every morning since Liam and I talked, repeating it like a mantra. Trying to remind myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It still wasn’t easy to think about moving forward, but every day it got a little better. I’d always miss Julie, but with time I knew I’d be able to embrace happiness.

“It’s easy for you,” Ryan said. “You don’t live your life for anyone but yourself. You want to do something, you do it. To hell with what I think or what your parents say. You don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of you. I know I give you a lot of crap, but I admire that about you, Cami. I’m always trying so hard to make everyone else happy I sometimes forget that I need to be happy too.”

My stomach clenched and I leaned back against the couch. It was all bullshit, of course, and I hated that I hadn’t been honest with Ryan. He and I had always been so close.

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked. I shook my head, but he wouldn’t let it go. “Cami?”

“I just . . . I have so much guilt inside me.”

“What are you talking about?”

I looked up so I could focus on Ryan, but my eyes were so full of tears that his face looked distorted. Like I was standing too close to a Monet painting. I’d done that before. Gotten so close to one of his beautiful garden scenes that the colors and brushstrokes had blended together until they lost all meaning.

“Are you talking about Julie?” Ryan asked.

Annie came out of the bathroom and stopped about four feet behind Ryan. He didn’t take his eyes off me. She had told me her secrets, but I still hadn’t been honest with her. Now was my chance to make things right with both of them. To make up for all the lies I’d told over the last few months and just put it all out there. The real, crazy Cami.

I focused on Ryan as a tear rolled down my cheek. Great, Cami. Mess up your makeup before you even go on your big date. “I shouldn’t have let her get in that car. We both know that. We both know I’m at least partially responsible for what happened.”

Ryan shook his head like he was trying to make sense of something, and Annie came over to sit next to him. She looked as concerned as Ryan did.

“What does Julie have to do with any of this?” Ryan asked.

“She missed out on so much. She couldn’t wait for college. She was wild and had so many plans, so many things she wanted to do. I feel like I robbed her of all that. Like I owe her.”

Ryan exhaled and glanced toward Annie. When he looked back at me he said, “Wait a minute. Are you saying you’ve been doing all this crazy stuff for Julie?”

“I just wanted to make sure I was living for both of us.”

Ryan swore and scooted forward. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it until the knuckles in my fingers were grinding together. I winced, but he didn’t ease up.

“Cami, we both know she wouldn’t have listened to you. Yes, you should have tried to stop her, but you aren’t the one who drove that car and you aren’t the one who told her to get in it. Julie is responsible for her own actions. I know that sounds harsh considering what happened, but that’s reality.”

It sounded exactly like what Jamie had said to me, only somehow it made more sense coming from Ryan. I guess I’d felt like Jamie was trying to relieve some of her own guilt when she’d said it. Like she blamed herself for the accident too. But maybe that wasn’t it. Maybe she really felt that way and she was trying to help me understand.

Ryan squeezed my hand tighter and moved closer to me. Like if he got close enough, his words would have more meaning. “It sucks that it happened and I don’t expect you to stop missing her or to forget about it, but you have to at least forgive yourself. And you can’t go around putting yourself in crazy situations like you somehow owe it to Julie. Don’t do something you’ll regret just to fulfill some debt you think you owe to your dead friend. How is that any different from what I did with Chris?”

“I know,” I said. “I’ve already decided I have to stop all that stuff.”

“You promise, Cami?” Ryan asked.

“I promise,” I whispered. “I’m going to try to get over this, Ryan. I’m going to make choices for myself. Not be so reckless.”

“Good.” Ryan got to his feet and pulled me up, then wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry. I should have paid better attention.”

I laughed as a few tears flooded my eyes. “You’re not the only one.”

Annie stood when I broke away from my cousin’s hug, taking me in her arms as well. I had a strong suspicion she was going to be in my life for a long time, and it made me happy. There were very few people in the world good enough for Ryan, but Annie was one of them. They were made for each other.

Liam finally came out of the bedroom, looking amazing in a blue shirt and black leather jacket. He grinned when he saw me, showing off those adorably crooked teeth.

I returned his smile, not even caring that my mascara was probably smeared. “What took you so long? Was your imitation sex hair not cooperating today?”

“No. It’s just that I couldn’t stop staring at myself in the mirror.”

He stopped in front of me and put his hands on my hips, then pulled me against him. When Liam leaned down to kiss me, Ryan groaned, but I didn’t care. Not when Liam’s mouth covered mine or when his tongue slid into my mouth. He could kiss me in front of anyone and I would be okay with it. Because he liked me. Crazy, messed-up brain and all.

Credit: Jaimi Lynn Photography

Kate L. Mary is a stay-at-home mother of four and an Air Force wife. She grew up in a small town just north of Dayton, Ohio, where she and her husband met at the age of twelve. Since their marriage in 2002, they have lived in Georgia, Mississippi, South Carolina, and California.

Kate enjoys any post-apocalyptic story—especially if zombies are involved—as long as there is a romantic twist to give the story hope. Kate prefers nerdy, non-traditional heroes who can make you laugh to hunky pieces of man-meat, and her love of wine and chocolate is legendary among her friends and family. She currently resides in Oklahoma with her husband and children.

You can visit her at www.KateLynnMary.com.

To the extent that the image or images on the cover of this book depict a person or persons, such person or persons are merely models, and are not intended to portray any character or characters featured in the book.

LYRICAL SHINE BOOKS are published by

Kensington Publishing Corp.
119 West 40th Street
New York, NY 10018

Copyright © 2015 by Kate L. Mary

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.

Lyrical Shine and the L logo are trademarks of Kensington Publishing Corp.

ISBN: 978-1-6165-0805-0

ISBN-13: 978-1-60183-806-7
ISBN-10: 1-60183-806-X