A Piece of Heaven - Angel lawson
Date: 2018-05-17 16:00:00+00:00

A Piece of Heaven

By

Angel Lawson

For Coco who fights the fight every day.

“So, the guys,” he said, looking over at the group of knuckle-headed boys surrounding the bonfire, “think I’m a virgin.”

I stared at him for a minute, trying to follow his logic.

“They do,” he insisted. His tone was a little desperate. His dark brown eyes were really desperate.

“Justin,” I said. “You are a virgin. Welcome to the club.”

“Shhh!” he hushed me. “They could hear you.”

“Dude, they know!” I yell-whispered back. “It’s not a big deal. Losing your V-card takes time, you know.”

At least, it had for me. I was picky. So sue me.

He moved off the log next to me and settled in the sand at my feet. His big hands wrapped around my calves as he rested his chin on my knees. “It’s embarrassing. They talk about sex all the time and I’m just…I don’t know. Not ready.”

“That’s fair. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to.”

“Right,” he said, eyes darting to the ground. “It’s just that this community isn’t very open-minded and I haven’t exactly figured out where I fall, identity-wise. I’d rather wait to make any major announcements.”

Justin was my best friend. He lived in a small residential community near the beach. Traditional. Old. Kind of poor. Pretty religious. I felt bad for him because I knew how stifling it could be to live here. I barely survived it myself when my parents lived in Oceanside. I had the chance to get out when my parents divorced. The scrutiny by some of the locals was so bad after my dad bailed and left me and my mom on our own.

We tried staying in Oceanside. Like, really tried, but this was my dad’s hometown, and when he left and the rumors started and I wasn’t doing so well…

Yeah, we didn’t last long before moving one town over, hoping for a fresh start.

Things weren’t much better there. We were still kind of poor but at least people didn’t talk about how we were sinners and what my mom did to run off my dad. It was better, even though I never quite fit in socially. Which is why, as soon as I got my license I started coming back to Oceanside to hang with my only real friend.

I sighed and stared at Justin, thinking life shouldn’t be this hard. People should be free to be who they are, love who they want, experiment on their own terms. Right?

Justin always stuck by my side, and I wanted to pay him back. He helped me through my rough spot and never told anyone my secret. Shouldn’t I help him keep his?

“Well, what are you going to do?” I asked.

He looked up with puppy dog eyes and pushed out his bottom lip. “Well, I had this idea...”

I narrowed my eyes and brushed a lock of hair off his forehead. “What kind of idea?”

He lifted his eyebrows suggestively, “I thought maybe you and me…we could, you know...fake it?”

I pulled back. “Fake what? Because look, Justin, I love you and all, but I draw the line at being your fake girlfriend. In fact, I drew the line years ago being your real girlfriend.”

There was a while, around fifth grade, where I had a super big crush on Justin. Why not? He was cute, tall, and had the best smile. He wasn’t a jerk like the other boys in class. But I never acted on it. He was my best friend and I thought he had a crush on me, too. Then he asked me to the fifth-grade dance and later if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Despite my crush, I said no. It felt wrong. The risk was too high.

He chuckled nervously and tightened his fingers around the denim covering my legs. “No, not that. What if you like, kissed me or something? In public. To get the guys off my back.” He ducked his head. I wondered if he thought I was going to hit him.

“You want me to kiss you?” I’d kissed Justin before, when we were thirteen, and even then, only on a dare from Paul. I looked across the beach at Paul, who had his tongue shoved down the throat of some girl with dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. Fucking horndog. No one cared who he kissed, even if it was a different girl every week. His dad was an elder in the church. Everyone looked the other way.

“Or something,” he mumbled into my knees, bringing my attention back to him.

“What do you mean ‘or something’?” I had a horrible feeling in my stomach, because if a fake kiss was all he wanted, he would have just asked. We could get this over with now.

Justin looked up and I knew. I knew I was making a deal with the devil, but he was my best friend. My oldest friend. He needed my help, and I knew that before this was all over, I was going to cave to whatever it was he wanted.

I was the world’s biggest sucker.

*

My mom and I moved to Allendale in the 6th grade. She thought a fresh start before middle school would be a good idea. Of course, it was a terrible idea and the next three years were the worst of my life. Why? Because middle school sucked. Hard.

During that time, things got rough. My anxiety, which had always been a problem, grew and grew and grew until some days it felt like there was nothing else in my life. Then things got dark. Scars on my legs and arms dark. I still only wear long-sleeved shirts.

The weekend passed and my conversation with Justin still weighed heavily on my mind. He wanted to have sex with me. Well, fake sex at least. He wanted Paul and Davis and the other guys to think he’d done it so they would leave him alone. I got it—I did—but I wasn’t sure if I was the right girl for the job.

Justin was convinced this would work. We had always been very close, and for us to suddenly have a relationship wouldn’t be questioned too much. It’s not like I had a boyfriend that would care or that even the kids at my own school would find out. He just wanted to put on enough of a show to be convincing.

I was most skeptical about that.

First of all, I had little experience. Okay, I had no experience. I wasn’t exactly a prude or naïve. Other than a few make-out sessions with Justin’s friends (I had regrets) the reality was…I just hadn’t gone there yet with anyone, and I wasn’t sure how good I was going to be at convincing a bunch of sexually experienced, douchebag townies that I made Justin a man.

Second of all, because of the anxiety, I liked to keep a low profile. Tricking an entire school of people didn’t seem low-profile. It seemed like the opposite of low-profile. High attention. People in my business. I didn’t like people in my business.

I mulled all this over as I walked into Chemistry, slipping through the desks and dropping my books on the slick, black top of my lab table. Mostly I was thinking about how I, Heaven Reeves, could ever convince anyone I wasn’t a virgin. Not that I had official data, but I was pretty sure non-virgins walked different. They moved differently.

Right?

I observed the girls entering the classroom. Mallory Keats walked through the door and I immediately honed in. She’s my polar opposite.

Her: blonde, blue-eyed, tiny hips and feet.

Me: reddish-brown hair, greenish eyes, curvy hips and monster feet.

She told everyone in 9th grade that she slept with her cousin’s best friend on their annual summer vacation. Her non-virgin status was basically school legend. Covertly, I studied her movements. Her demeanor, her stature. Her hips shifted a little with every step. Her chest was pushed out and her lips pouted just a touch.

Damn it—there was no way I could pull that off.

I sighed and rested my forehead on my desk, closing my eyes. Best friend or not, this seemed like a really bad idea.

The chair next to me scraped across the floor and I heard a thump next to my head. My lab partner had arrived. Great. Figuring out what to do about a possible fake lover while sitting next to my desired nevergonnahappen lover made my life more like a joke than ever.

I had a huge, real, unrequited crush on Anderson Thompson.

“Reeves,” he greeted, easing into his seat.

I opened an eye, the one not pressed against the cool, hard table. Anderson was adorable in that totally-out-of-my-league-way. He had floppy dark brown hair and bright green eyes. His eyelashes and cheekbones could rival any CW actor, and once, I saw his competitive swimmer body shirtless at the pool and almost died.

Literally almost died.

“Thompson,” I replied, playing it cool.

He tipped the chair back, balancing his knees on the table. “Something wrong?”

I sat up and stretched, pulling out my books and a pen, ignoring the stupid smirk on his face. Anderson and I were school friends. Lab partner friends. That’s all friends. Not that I was complaining. It’s just that he knew nothing about my life or my issues. I certainly had no plan to tell him now. “Nope, I’m good. What did you do this weekend?”

He shrugged. “Hung out with the guys. Graced the town with my awesomeness. You know, same old. You?”

“The guys” were Hayden Pierce, Jackson Hall, and Oliver Baldwin. The three hottest guys in school, other than Anderson. Best friends, almost brothers, and ridiculously intimidating. They were nicknamed the Allendale Four. Loyal. Impenetrable. And incredibly exclusive.

They weren’t exactly popular—more like legendary.

Oliver and I were friendly, sort of like me and Anderson. School only. I think mostly because I was quiet, didn’t flirt with them or make any efforts to break into their little circle.

So when he asked, I told him the (vague) truth about my weekend. “It was interesting.”

He cocked his head and smiled in amusement. My heart twisted a little like it always did. “Interesting good, or interesting bad?”

“You know, I’m not sure yet.”

Mr. Baker walked down the aisle, ending our conversation while he passed out lab sheets and began discussing our assignment. Anderson placed the paper between us and leaned over. “Well, let me know when you figure it out, okay?”

I nodded, inhaling his intoxicating scent. I knew there was no way Anderson would ever figure out what I was referring to and I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him. I may be a sucker, but I wasn’t a fool. The only reason I was even considering it was the fact that Justin went to another school and had an entirely different set of friends. What happened at the beach stayed on the beach. That was the rule.

Chapter 1

“Okay so, once we get inside, I’m going to kiss you.”

I scrunched up my nose. “Really?”

“Oh my god, Heaven! Do I repulse you that much?” Justin actually threw his hands in the air. Fucking drama queen.

I groaned and pressed my face into my palms. “Of course not. But give me a chance to freak out a little. I’m only going to lose my fake virginity once.”

Justin leaned his head back and smiled. “I love you.”

“You better. Now, let’s get inside and kiss. And then, you better get me a drink to go through with the rest of this.”

Justin followed my directions, helping me from my side of the car, holding my hand on the way to the front porch and pushing me against the door, his lips firmly pressed against my own the minute we saw a couple of his friends. The good news is that Justin really was pretty hot. He was tall and worked out a lot. His muscles seemed to have muscles so yeah, not repulsive. Just weird.

I wrapped my hand around his arm, feeling the hard, tight muscles under his shirt. His dark hair and eyes made his teeth white and pretty. If I turned off my brain, it wouldn’t be so bad. Right?

My thoughts were interrupted by Justin’s tongue pushing between my teeth and I pinched his side. “Watch it, okay?”

“Just trying to keep it real.”

I gave him my best bitchface. “Go get my drink.” With a slap on my ass, he ran off.

“Heaven!” I turned and found myself face to face with Sarah and Emily, girls who went to school with Justin. Emily assessed me, obviously taking in my ratty jeans and Allendale High sweatshirt. Yeah, I got dressed up for the event. She asked, “Since when are you two a thing?”

“Oh, you know us,” I laughed. “We just, you know, thought after all these years we would give it a shot.”

“Really?” Sarah asked. She had the most beautiful cheekbones. “I kinda thought he was gay.”

I laughed loudly. Too loudly. “Justin? Gay? Did you see that kiss? No way, girls. Boy has skills,” I purred.

I. Purred.

“Heav?” Justin emerged, holding up my drink and gesturing to the stairs that led to the second floor.

“Oh! Better go see what my man needs. He can be a little demanding, if you know what I mean,” I said, waving a hand at the two girls and giving them an exaggerated wink as Justin pulled me up the steps.

Emily’s jaw dropped and Sarah leaned in to whisper in her ear. And that’s how gossip works. One flirty kiss at a time. Familiar anxiety rose in my chest but it was met by something else. I kind of liked being noticed for once in my life. No one was ever jealous of Heaven Reeves.

No one.

But we weren’t done. Not by a long shot. Justin didn’t just want to prove he kissed a girl, no, he wanted to prove much more, so we wove through the throng of students, stopping only to take a swig of our drinks and for me to get my neck mauled by his hot mouth.

Playfully, I pushed him away. “Don’t make me explain a hickey to my mom, got it?”

His eyes widened. Yeah. Neither of us wanted that.

At the top, we stood outside his friend’s room. “Are you sure?” he asked, low and quiet. He was giving me an out. I nodded and fisted his shirt, pulling him closer.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Let do this, okay?”

He smiled, grateful and sweet. “I’m gonna rock your world, baby.” I rolled my eyes and let him lead me in the room, shutting the door on the handful of people on the other side, and gave them the show of a lifetime.

Chapter 2

The weird thing about being the subject to gossip and rumor is that when you’re the actual subject, you always seem to be the last to know.

Justin and I had fake, raunchy, party sex, saved his reputation, and all was right in his world. I left him safe and secure, in Oceanside with a new lease on life and no one in my life even aware it happened.

Whatever worked for him. I planned on business as usual at my own school—thirty miles away and a lifetime away from Oceanside drama. In Allendale I was firmly entrenched in the fairly-unseen part of the student body. Not popular, but not unpopular. I didn’t really like people (okay, my anxiety didn’t like people) and it seemed the feeling was mutual; people didn’t really like me. I was okay with this. No one seemed to notice me much one way or the other.

What I didn’t realize that night when Justin and I emerged sweaty and laughing from the bedroom was that there were some people taking photos at the party.  What I also didn’t know at the time was these party-goers went home and immediately sent images out on social media describing our tryst in detail. Not just to Oceanside kids, but to pretty much every student at our school, too.

Oh, and to top it off? The photo with the most likes and shares was a picture of me and my overly (Justin-styled) sexed-up hair emerging from the bedroom.

That was what I didn’t know when I walked down the hallway with a creepy, eerie hush following me.

Maybe, I thought, tugging my bulky sweater down over my wrists, hyperaware of the scars underneath, I was wrong about being able to pull off a post-fake-sex walk. Could they tell what didn’t happen over the weekend?

My first hint was before English when a hand wrapped around my waist. “Hey, Heaven. It’s been a while.”

I spun and looked into the pimpled face of Mark Amerson.

I shifted, moving the unwelcomed hand off my hip. “Been a while since what?”

“Since you know, me and you...you wanna go out?”

Curious. We’ve barely ever spoken. “Sorry but...no?”

Where was this coming from?

“Think about it,” he winked. Ew.

I turned and left.

Craig Dickerson found his way next to me in the lunch line. “Hey girl, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.”

I picked up a bottle of juice. “Excuse me?”

“You. I’ve been thinking about you and, well, me.”

“You have?” I was no longer curious but downright suspicious.

I paid and moved out of the line. Craig shouted after me, “Can I call you later?”

No.

Alex stopped to talk to me on the way to Spanish. Spencer, with his skeevy long hair and too-thin goatee, waited outside the bathroom. Even Jackson Hall (Jackson. Hall. Best friend of Anderson and one of the Allendale Four) gave me a slight nod and skimmed my body with smoldering eyes while Hayden Pierce raised a smirky eyebrow in my direction before I slipped into Chemistry.

That was hands-down the most acknowledgement either had given me. Ever.

To be honest, a little attention from those two didn’t bother me so much, but it was still bizarre.

But that wasn’t all. If the boys were being suspicious, the girls were just being out-right bitchy. In the hallway Jennifer elbowed me in the ribs, offering a fake, “sorry,” as she stomped away. Mallory muttered “slut” under her breath, which seemed a little pot-meets-kettle but whatever.

By the time I sat down at my desk, I was red-cheeked, flustered, and at a complete loss. Paranoia washed over me. Somehow, some way, they knew.

A familiar body eased into the seat next to me and I flinched. Did he know? Had he heard? Holy crap. Of course he’d heard. His best friend just gave me a onceover in the hallway. The question was how.

Anderson and I had always been friendly, but our relationship was based on snarky jabs and constant put-downs. We’re both good students, although his seems to be more about genetic superiority and mine hard work and a lack of a social life.

His circle of friends, guy friends, was tight and pretty popular but they mostly keep to themselves. Jackson Hall. Hayden Pierce. Oliver Baldwin and then Anderson Thompson. They were close. Super close, and no girl had ever broken into their ranks. Many tried. All failed. They seemed more interested in each other than in the opposite sex.

The boys and I had shared classes since grade school and I had harbored a crush on all of them, Anderson in particular, for a long time. Fine. Years. I knew it was useless. They didn’t seem to date. The Allendale Four went to dances and stuff, but increasingly I suspected none of the girls were up to their standards. Smart.

If I were them, I would wait until college and not tie myself down to one of the Stage Five Clingers looking for a way out of this place.

Class started and much to my relief, Mr. Baker turned on a film. I took the opportunity to pull out my pen and write a note.

Jackson Hall just checked me out.

I pushed the paper in Anderson’s direction. He looked at the paper. Then at the movie. Then at me and blinked. When he got back to the paper, he wrote quickly.

What?

Was that unclear? He ogled me.

Anderson smirked at that one and scribbled on the paper.

Jackson’s a pervert. He’s always staring at pretty girls.

Wait, what? Pretty? Nope. No. I ignored that jab. I sighed and tapped my pen on the table before replying.

Everyone is treating me weird. What’s going on? Be honest.

Anderson placed his pen on the table and slipped his hand in his back pocket. I felt my forehead crease as I tried to figure out what he was doing. After a second, he pulled out his iPhone.

“What are you doing?” I whispered, looking around to make sure no one could see us. Phones were not allowed out at school.

He ignored me.  I watched as his long, graceful fingers moved quickly over the screen. His silly hair was all in his eyes and from this angle his jaw was sharp and strong and—

He handed me the phone under the table. It was open to his social media page, to a photo of me. In the image, my fingers were gripping Justin’s shirt and I was smiling up at him. We looked happy. Even in love, to the outside viewer. It was sweet but didn’t show anything. What was the big deal? But I knew. They heard the rumors.

“So,” I mouthed. I could feel the heat burn into my cheeks.

He motioned for me to scroll through the photos. I did and felt the heat burn into my cheeks and my stomach dropped. The images had taken a life of their own. Before and after photos tagged with my virginity status. Little graphics of hearts and stars. Questions about me in bed. What Justin liked.

What I liked.

Oh god.

The whole thing had gone wrong and according to the ticker at the bottom, viral. My chest constricted and my lungs froze. I wasn’t sure if I could breathe. I pushed the phone back to Anderson and tried desperately to pull air into my lungs.

He shrugged, unaware of my panic, and took his phone back. He slipped it in his pocket. I focused back on the front of the room. On the desk. On anything, trying to keep calm.

I mean, the plan worked. Justin and I tricked everyone. Just not only the kids at his school, but mine too. Mission accomplished. Why was I freaking out? Did it matter? Do I even matter?

History said no.

The movie ended and right before Mr. Baker turned on the lights, Anderson leaned over and said, “If people are noticing you, I guess that’s why. They look at you differently now.”

I didn’t care about people. Not most of them. The one that really mattered was sitting next to me. The other was down in Oceanside not getting harassed in the locker room.  I found the paper we had written on before, scribbled a note and slid it across the smooth tabletop.

Do you?

Just then the bell rang and Anderson stood, taking the paper and balling it into his fist and shoving it into his pocket. I realized he wasn’t going to answer and I said, “Anderson, do you think differently about me?”

He slung his backpack over his shoulder and frowned. “It doesn’t matter what I think, but you need to be careful,” he said before walking out of the room.

*

“Heaven, I had no idea.”

Justin was at my house after school when I pulled up.  He leaned against his rusty Honda, all legs and long body. I’d been on the verge of a panic attack all afternoon and when he showed up, I lost it.

“I know. How did you find out?”

“Emily took the photos, but she swears it’s not her account.”

I twist my hands. Of course. Stupid Emily. She probably thought this was hilarious. Her family had been big on the “run the Reeves out of town train” back in the day.

“It seems a little detailed for Emily. I’m not sure she has the attention span to go full mean girl, you know.” He nodded in agreement. “I did a little research. The whole account is brand new. It’s some kind of Fakestagram. Apparently, it exists just to announce my exploits.”

Justin reached for me and pulled me into a hug. “What do you want to do?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean, ‘nothing’?” The anger was clear in his voice. He pushed me back to look me in the eye.

“I don’t want to change anything. We accomplished what we wanted. Right?”

Justin ran his hand over his head. “Not like this. Not with your reputation on the line. I don’t want this to trigger anything for you—you’ve been doing a lot better lately.”

I laughed. The idea of me having a “reputation” was still a foreign idea and he was right, I had been doing better lately. I should be able to handle this. “It’s no big deal. Gossip for the week. I’m sure it will pass. I’d rather you be happy.”

He eyed me warily. He knew about the anxiety and where it had led in the past. I’d worked hard to get better. Would the scrutiny make it flare up again? I shook it off and promised it would be fine.

“Are you sure? Because we can totally fake-couple it for a while. Make it real and they’ll get bored faster.”

I scrunched up my nose. “Eh, if this means more kissing, then no thanks.”

“You really know how to make a guy feel special.”

“It’s a gift,” I deadpanned. “I’m sure if we ignore it, everything will be fine.”

A girl could dream, right?

*

“Heaven, do you have a minute?”

I was at my locker when Eric Oswald came up behind me. His question set me on edge…I’d heard it over and over this week. It wasn’t the first time the joke had been made, but post-Fakestagram the ribbing increased, and two minutes didn’t pass without some jackass making a hilarious play on my name and their desire for Seven Minutes With Heaven.

Seriously, what was my mother thinking naming me after a psychological horror novel from her teens? Honestly, it explained so much about her.

It just didn’t say much about me.

I turned to the smallish boy with his thick mop of overly-styled hair and impeccable clothing standing next to me and prayed, pleasedontaskmeout. I didn’t feel like I had Jesus on my side, but it was worth a shot.

“Sure. What’s up?”

He cast a glance around the hall. “In private?”

I eyed him skeptically, but Eric hadn’t approached me all week and was notoriously well-liked and not a jerk. I nodded and followed him to the Student Government office. His name was listed under “President” on the small sign by the door. He closed the door behind me with a soft click.

I sighed. “What’s going on, Eric?”

He moved and sat behind the desk and tented his fingers. “I know about you and Justin Blackwood.”

“Yeah? So? The rest of the school seems to know, too.” I folded my arms defensively across my chest and waited.

He shook his head and said, “No. I know about you and Justin. What really happened.”

Well, that was a surprise. “What really happened?”

Eric cleared his throat. “Justin and I are friends.”

I stared at him.

“You know,” he moved his fingers in air quotes and lowered his voice, “‘friends’?”

My eyes popped wide. “Wait...what? Really?” I thought of Justin. Tall, muscular, handsome Justin. And then I thought of Eric, not so tall or muscular. A little handsome. Interesting. I knew Justin had been questioning himself…things were starting to make more sense.

“Yes.”

“So what did you want to ask me?” I asked, not sure where this was going. Was he trying to blackmail me? ‘Cause I didn’t think that would work.

Eric leaned forward. “I want you to pretend you made out with me, too.”

I snorted. Out loud. “That’s not what we pretended to do, Eric.”

“Whatever,” he waved his hands. “David Nash has been calling me a flamer since the third grade. Not only am I gay, but they know I’m a virgin. I have six months before I get out of here. I have a scholarship to UCLA and I’m gone. Just help make the next six months a little easier on me, please?”

“Eric, no one cares if you’re gay.”

He stared at the papers on his desk. “I care.”

The identity crises were strong in this school.

“If I helped you, what’s in it for me?”

“My undying gratitude? A bump in the social structure? Good weed, invites to parties, a date to the prom? Maybe you can lose the label of being a frigid bitch for good.”

The last one was a slap in the face. I knew what people thought. They mistook my lack of social skills for being a bitch. Normally I didn’t care, but this last week made me look at things differently. I considered the offer and what it could do to change all this. Eric was extremely popular despite the issues he just brought up. Maybe if I got an invite to one of those parties, Anderson would be there...

Eric stood. “Just consider it. Meet me tomorrow morning at my car and we can discuss, okay?”

I studied the strange boy in front of me. “Okay.”

Again, I had a bad feeling about this.

Chapter 3

I left school feeling like crap. Worse than crap. If I said no to Eric, what would he do? Tell everyone Justin and I faked the whole thing? That would be social suicide for both of us. Things were awkward already. I can’t imagine what would happen if they knew we lied.

I mulled over Eric’s offer.  If I said yes, what did that make me?  I really didn’t know. Stupid was the only word that came to mind.

I started home, walking down the sidewalk that led from the school to my neighborhood. Mom and I lived in a small house, the only thing she could afford after my dad left. She worked long hours at the police station as a secretary with an erratic schedule, but at least the benefits were good. Her shifts alternated every few weeks. Sometimes day, others night. Currently she was on the day shift, which meant I had a few hours before she got home.

I loved and hated that time alone. I liked the quiet, but it also gave me too much time to think. That was when I’d go down the rabbit hole, allowing my anxiety to take over. Anxiety was stupid like that…you know it’s bad and it makes you feel bad, but it also has a strange sense of comfort. Comfortable pain.

I turned and took the long way home, walking past the Quick-Zip where all the kids with cars stopped to get drinks.

Fuck. Bad idea.

A red sports car pulled up next to me and rolled down the driver’s side window.  Spencer propped his arm in the open window and leaned his head out. “Heaven, hey, you need a ride, sweetheart?”

“No thanks,” I said. It was hard to hear my voice over my thundering heartbeat. “I’m fine.”

“You sure? I’ve got a few minutes to spare. I’m sure we can find a way to fill it.”

Another car rolled up behind me and a shadow fell over Spencer’s face. His creepy smile dropped and his eyes darted over my shoulder. My throat constricted, feeling the fear of being enclosed. What now? Who wanted a piece of me now?

I turned and saw Oliver sitting in his forest green Mustang, the engine idling loud. “Heaven, I’ve been looking all over for you. Did you forget we have that test in calculus tomorrow?” He raised his eyebrow and leaned casually across the black leather seats. I stared into his blue eyes and knew that he was offering a lifeline—a rope to pull me back to safety. How did I know? No idea, but behind me was a shark and I needed out of the dangerous waters.

“I totally forgot.”

Oliver smiled and it was like a blessing from the gods. “I figured. Hop in.”

“Hey,” Spencer said, aggravated hurt clear on his face. “We were going to hang.”

“Sorry,” I apologized, which was dumb. Why was I apologizing to a jerk like that?

He frowned, stroking his nasty goatee, and muttered, “Whore,” under his breath and sped off.

Once he was gone I leaned into Oliver’s window. His eyes followed Spencer and his jaw tensed with controlled anger. “Thanks for saving me from that idiot. I can walk from here.”

He set his eyes on me. “You’re not walking anywhere. Not after that. Come on. I’ll give you a ride for real.”

I hesitated. Not because I didn’t trust Oliver. I didn’t think he was a jerk, but any other day would he have stopped to give me a ride? Or was it just because of my new reputation? It didn’t help that a group of students from school, including Mallory and Jennifer, were watching from the doorway of the Quick-Zip.

He frowned when he saw my expression. “Heaven, I promise. I don’t want anything but to get you home safely. Okay?”

I exhaled, feeling the tightening in my chest loosen a little. “Okay. Thank you.”

I opened the door and it groaned and creaked. Inside, I inhaled the old leather and oil permeating from the classic car. I couldn’t help but smile.

“What?”

“My dad had an old car like this. I forgot how much I missed it.”

“Oh yeah? Well buckle up and we’ll go for a ride.”

“I’d like that.” I clicked the metal belt into place.

He revved the engine and glanced over at me, floppy blonde hair falling into his eyes. It took every ounce of willpower not to push it aside. “When you’re ready, you can tell me exactly what the hell is going on. Because that look on your face? It’s not one I ever want to see again.”

I nodded and looked out the window. The kids were watching me—us. Mallory’s jaw was slack with disbelief, and jealousy was written all over Jennifer’s face. I was in the car with Oliver Baldwin. One of the Allendale Four.  Sure, they may all think I’m there because I’m nothing but a trashy whore, but looking over at the handsome, sweet boy next to me, I realized I didn’t care.

I knew the truth and that was all that mattered. Oliver peeled out of the parking lot, taking me away from the stares and scrutiny. I knew the truth…at least that’s what I told myself.

*

I don’t know why, but I told Oliver the truth too, and now he sat next to me with a completely dumbfounded look on his face.

“So what you’re telling me is you pretended to have sex with Justin Blackwood, who was worried about his status as a virgin.”

“Yes.”

“And this could be because he may or may not be gay, but mostly because the other guys in Oceanside were harassing him.”

“Right.”

“Some snotty girls shared the photo all over social media, a Fakestagram was born and now you’re the one with a bad reputation.”

I pulled the lollypop out of my mouth. “Yep, pretty much.”

Oliver’s eyes flicked to the lollypop and back up to my eyes. “Well, that just...sucks.”

And the worst part was, I hadn’t even told Oliver what happened today with Eric because what if he thought I deserved it for getting involved with such a stupid idea in the first place?

We’re sitting on the back porch of my house. My mom isn’t home yet and I didn’t feel comfortable asking Oliver in. No, that’s not true. I did feel comfortable. I just didn’t want him to think I was offering up a piece of Heaven.

Ugh. Everything was really confusing now. Including the fact Oliver Baldwin is sitting next to me on the porch swing.

How crazy was that?

Avoiding the Eric situation for now, I decided to bring up Anderson, who was a touchy subject, being his best friend. I thought maybe he could provide some clarity. “We always get along okay. Even flirting a little here and there, but once he showed me the photos, everything changed. He seems pretty judgey about the whole thing.”

“Like he thinks you’re a slut?”

“Did he say that? Do you think that? What about the other guys? I don’t really know them, but Jackson spoke to me and Hayden…”

Oliver’s jaw tenses. “Hayden did what?”

“Acknowledged me.”

He laughed. Even he knew how difficult it was to get Hayden’s attention.

“Look, I don’t think you’re a slut, and Anderson can be a little…reserved. He’s probably just shocked. I mean, screwing a guy at a party and everyone knowing about it? That doesn’t compute with the image we all have of you.”

“What image is that?”

He rubbed his hands on his thighs for minute before saying, “You’re quiet. Reserved. You wear huge sweatshirts that barely reveal you have curves. You never date. You skank-eye the more popular girls.”

“You think I’m a bitch.”

“No,” he said, holding my eye. “But I do think that’s your image and this whole thing with Justin and the photos? You just blew that wide open.”

I groaned and leaned into the cushion on the porch swing, toying with the fringe on the edge. “No one up here was supposed to know! Mallory has sex. Tiffany North has sex. Why is it such a big deal for me?”

“It’s a big deal because you’ve never done anything like this. Not just the sex part but the party and the gossip. You keep to yourself. Believe it or not, that kind of behavior intrigues people. You’re an enigma.”

“People are not interested in me.” He rolled his eyes. “They just want to see me fail. They think I’m a goody-two-shoes. A prude.”

“Well, there’s that, too.”

I looked up at the slats on the ceiling and thought about it. People noticed me. They thought about me. And one move outside my box threw the whole school for a loop. As awkward and surreal as it all was, it was nice to not be invisible for once. “You know, maybe I should embrace this. Have some fun for once in my life.”

“Uh…what?”

“Maybe I should, Oliver. Who’s it going to hurt?”

“Um...you? Your family? Your friends?” he said. But we both knew I didn’t really have any friends, and that’s when I told him what happened earlier that day.

“Eric asked me to fake make out with him!”

“He what?” His eyes narrowed and a thin vein appeared on his forehead.

I covered my eyes with my hand. “I think I’m going to do it.”

“No way. This is a bad idea.”

“I just want to shake things up a bit. I’m sick of the girls at school looking at me like I’m a pathetic loser and the boys like I’m invisible. It was nice having a little attention today.”

“Even from Spencer?” His voice came out in a growl.

“Spencer’s a dick. But maybe I can help Eric the same way I helped Justin. That has to count for something, right?”

“I’m not sure it works that way,” he said, trying to be the voice of reason.

I didn’t say anything else, trying to sort out my feelings. Oliver wasn’t done.

“I think you’ll regret it.”

“They think I’m a whore anyway. What difference does it make?”

“Heaven...you don’t see yourself clearly.”

“Maybe I don’t,” I said. “Maybe it’s time I defined myself clearly, for me and everyone else.”

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, even after Oliver left and my mom came home. I had one night to decide if I wanted to alter my reputation forever. What did I have to lose?

*

The rain was coming down in sheets the next morning as I pulled into the parking lot at school. I spotted Eric’s beat-up Toyota in its usual spot and pulled my mom’s truck in next to it. Loud music shook his windows and I jumped in the passenger seat to get out of the rain.

“Hey,” I said, tugging off the hood to my raincoat. “Sucky weather.”

“Totally.” His fingers adjusted the volume, making it lower. When he looked up at me, his forehead narrowed. “Did you straighten your hair?”

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t even want to know why he noticed. “Yes. I do that sometimes even though it’s ridiculous in this stupid weather.” I lifted up my hair. “I even burned my neck trying to get underneath.”

Eric didn’t seem impressed or concerned over my injury so I dropped my hair and sighed. “Look, I want to help you, but I really think this is the wrong way to go about it.

“What?” he asked, devastation crossing his face. “Come on, Heaven...”

“I thought about it a lot last night and this really isn’t the solution to either of our problems, you know? It’s six months and you’ll be gone. No biggie.” I smiled weakly, knowing my argument wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Oliver had been right though, the sacrifice was too much. He didn’t even know how much.

The rain slackened and I attempted a look out the window but they had fogged since I got in. I could hear the other students’ cars pulling into the lot—the bell would ring soon.

“No hard feelings, okay?”

He casted me a disgruntled glare but I could tell he wasn’t mad—more resigned. All in all, he was pretty good kid. I flipped my hood over my head and opened my door. When I stood up, I came face to face with Jennifer Stevens.

“Oh. Hi,” I said, slamming the door behind me.

“Heaven.” She peered over my shoulder. She narrowed her eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Um... none of your business.” And it wasn’t. She was the last person who needed to know anything, about anything.

A door slammed behind me.

“Hi, Eric,” she said, glancing over at him. “So you gave Heaven a ride, huh?”

Oh, Jennifer. Really? I considered the places I could kick her. “No, my mom’s truck is over there. We were just talking.”

“Talking?”

“Yes, are you deaf? Talking.”

“Like how you and Justin Blackwood were talking?”

My fists balled into the bottom of my sleeves. “Justin and I are friends. Since pre-school. You know that.”

She nodded, her stupid frizzy hair bobbing along. “You and Eric were ‘friends’, too.” Her eyes dropped and she reached over and pushed my hood back. “That looks fun.”

My hand flew to the burn on my neck. I looked at the all-knowing smirk on Jennifer’s face and shifted my gaze to Eric. I thought he would defend me but instead, he had his own all-knowing smirk on his own face.

I tilted my head and plead, “Eric...”

He shrugged, basically throwing me under the bus, and said, “It was fun, Heaven, see you around.” He rounded the car and waved over Jennifer’s shoulder.  Frozen in my spot, I watched as the two of them walked into school.

Chapter 4

Thankfully the school was abuzz with a different sort of energy that day. Every student was getting a school-issued laptop. We lined up alphabetically, shuffling through the library to sign the waivers agreeing to our end of the deal; any damage was our fault, any lost property was our fault, no porn, no games, nothing but homework and studying.

In theory, we couldn’t watch porn or play games due to the controls set on the devices, but by lunch word had traveled around school about the way to circumvent this. Seriously, my generation was smart, but they needed to use their powers for good and not evil.

The Fakestagram account said this was a long-shot.

Oliver cornered me at my locker after lunch, new laptop tucked under his arm. He touched the burn on my neck. I sighed and glanced over his shoulder. Jackson Hall stood behind him, watching me intently.

“Who told you?”

“Hayden.”

“Hayden? Why is Hayden talking about me?”

“He overheard Jennifer in Art. But that’s not the point. The point is, less than twenty-four hours after I tell you not to pull this crazy stunt, I get word you were in Eric’s shitty car and came out with a hickey.”

“It’s not a hickey.” I sighed, grabbing my book and slamming the locker door. “It’s a burn. I burned myself on my fucking hair straightener and for the record, I told him ‘no’, and that stupid skank Jennifer saw us together and blah, blah, blah, the rest is Allendale High history.”

His eyes dimmed, realizing he’d yelled at me for no reason. “What happened to Eric?”

I groaned. “The last time I saw him, he was getting high-fives in the hallway from Mark and Alex.”

“Assholes,” Jackson says. I’d almost forgotten he was there. You know, other than the fact he’s so handsome my hands had been sweating just knowing he was nearby.

Oliver nodded in agreement.

“I know.” I felt like a fool. I turned the corner to where we could have a little privacy. “Everyone really will think I’m a whore after this. What am I going to do?”

“Who cares?” Jackson asked.

“Umm...everyone, apparently.”

His gray eyes hold mine. “But do you?”

“No. I know I’m not a whore. Most virginal whore ever.”

Both boys stared at my admission. Jackson ran his hand through his hair.

What Oliver said next took me by surprise. “I hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but what you said yesterday gave me an idea. It’s risky and it may totally fail, but really, at this point, it may be the best way to handle it.”

I braced myself, already feeling the anxiety rising. “Okay, tell me...I’m ready.”

But, I wasn’t ready. Not at all.

*

I showed up the next day in an outfit that was a little tighter, a little shorter, and definitely a lot sluttier. My socks were tight, striped, and went up to my thighs. My skirt barely grazed the tops of them, and my shirt was from the children’s department. Enough said.

I pulled my hair up, letting the red welt show on my neck.

That was Oliver’s big plan, which was really my original plan, but now, for some crazy reason, it wasn’t just me implementing it. I had allies. Two hot, popular allies.

Right. I was living in bizarro world.

I wasn’t hiding anymore. They could think what they wanted, and for once, maybe I could change my reputation from nobody to somebody. I’d intentionally put myself out there. Maybe going from unnoticed to noticed wasn’t the worst thing. Maybe it was time to take control of my life, do what I want and forget about everyone else.

Easier said than done, I thought, hiding with my head shoved in my locker. I pretended to rummage around for my books until I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“I think you dropped this?” I heard a deep, sexy voice say.

I turned and fought to keep the smile off my face. Jackson Hall was holding a pink Hello Kitty pencil in my direction. It wasn’t mine, but whatever. “Clumsy me,” I said, plucking the pencil from his hands. “Thanks.”

Jackson wasn’t Oliver or even Anderson. We weren’t friends and if anyone was known as a player in the group, it was him. His gray eyes were glued to my legs and boobs and neck. Every time he shifted from one he got stuck on the other. I cleared my throat. “Bell’s gonna ring.”

His eyes snapped upward. “Yeah, um...okay.”

My stomach was twisted in a pretzel. We were really doing this. Operation Heaven’s A Slut was in action. Would I have liked Oliver to be the one doing this? Sure. Anderson? Definitely. Playing with Jackson was like playing with fire. I could get burned, but he was a means to an end, and I wasn’t going to risk losing the opportunity because I was out of my comfort zone.

“Would you like to walk with me?” I said it teasingly. I’m pretty sure I sounded like an idiot. Man, flirting was hard.

A lazy smile crossed his lips. “Sure.”

We took the short walk together, talking about classes and stuff. I tried not to appear as though my heart was about to bust out of my chest. I tried to ignore Eric as he winked at me from his locker when we passed. Jackson mentioned a party that weekend, although he didn’t exactly extend an invite. When we reached the Chem lab, he abruptly stopped talking and looked away.

Anderson was waiting at the door. He gave me the same cocky smirk as he always did, but his eyes were stuck on his friend. Every other boy in the school had given me the once-over that day. Apparently, Anderson was immune.

“See you around, Jackson,” I said, leaving the boys in the hall.

I walked to my seat and sat on the stool, dropping my books on the table. My eyes flew to the door when I heard a raised voice. It was Anderson. He and Jackson were arguing about something, and although I tried to use my supersonic hearing, they kept it low enough for me to not hear. Damn it. I needed a better superpower than being the good girl turned bad, especially since Anderson didn’t seem interested in either. The last thing I saw between the two was some kind of staring contest, and then Anderson punched Jackson in the arm. It was hard enough that he winced and rubbed it as he walked away from the door toward his own class.

Anderson marched to our desk, head down, hair dipping over his eyes. He sat without a word.

“Fighting with your boyfriend?” I jabbed.

He brushed his hair back with perfect, long fingers and rolled his eyes. “Yeah something like that.”

“I’m sure you’ll make up.” I tapped my pen on the desk, pretending to think. “You could write him a poem or something, expressing your feelings.”

“Reeves,” Anderson breathed, his voice thick with warning. “Not today.”

I backed off, never having heard him annoyed like this. Whatever. Mr. Baker started the lesson and my attention was diverted, thankfully, until halfway through when he issued an assignment that required me to work with Anderson. We pulled out our books and began answering the questions.

“So what’s with all this anyway?” he asked, focused on the paper on the table.

“All what?”

He looked up and his eyes roamed over my body. “This costume. That shit on your neck.”

I faked being affronted, but my hand slipped over the burn mark anyway. “This is not a costume. I just decided to mix it up a little. Shed the hoodie. Lose the Converse. Why look like every other girl in the world?”

“Okay.” I wish I could say sarcasm didn’t suit Anderson, but it would be a lie.

“Do problem eight,” I directed, not wanting to discuss my choice in clothing any further.

Anderson scribbled down his answer and then shifted the paper toward me. “You don’t, you know?”

“Know what?” I asked, confused and checking over his work.

He scrunched his nose like it hurt to say it. “You don’t look like every other girl in the world.”

I sighed. “I know, Thompson. I look stupid like this and boring like that, but this isn’t really any of your business.”

His eyes widened; his beautiful, green eyes. “No, that’s not...” the bell rang and cut him off.

I stood and gathered my books. “Not what?”

But he only shook his head and tightened his jaw before he replied, “Never mind,” and stalked out of the room.

*

“How’d it go?”

I slid my new laptop on the desk and then flopped on my bed, my tiny skirt flipping up and revealing everything. I flicked it back down. “Super.”

“Really?” His eyes were glued to my legs.

“No, Oliver, Not really.”

“Tell me exactly what happened.” I hadn’t seen him that day, other than from a distance in the hall. He’d left early for a doctor’s appointment.

So I told him everything. About how all the boys in school were drooling over my new clothing choices. They loved the new me. They had visions of me in their bed. Or the backseat of their car. Or wherever they could think. Who knew the school needed fresh meat? I shuddered at the thought.

He was sitting in my desk chair, eyes glued to my legs, growing more and more tense with my description. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was angry. But why? This was his idea in the first place.

I tugged down the skirt but there was only so far it would go. “Jackson did a good job playing the part. So good I think he and Anderson got in a fight.”

Oliver’s eyebrows shot to his forehead. “Seriously?”

“Apparently, I repulse Anderson no matter how I dress. Nerdy. Hot. Whatever, I suppose my only value is as a lab partner. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“You don’t repulse him…he’s just…”

“Just what? A hater?”

“No.” Oliver ran his hand through his hair anxiously. He moved from the chair next to me on the bed. Having him so close excited me. And he was on my bed. Oliver Baldwin on my bed.

I tried futilely to control my breathing.

“Don’t stress over Anderson. He’s uptight and has a hard time knowing how to get what he wants, you know?”

“And you? Do you know what you want?”

Because I’d never been so confused in my life.

He nudged his shoulder into mine. “There’s a reason I haven’t filled Anderson in on our little plan, but in the end, I think we’ll all get what we want.”

Again, I wasn’t sure what that was but I’m glad Oliver has a vision. “You think Anderson will come around?”

“I think we’re going to have to drag him kicking and screaming. It’s going to be fun to break him.”

The heat from his arm warmed me and my brain tried to process the fact that Oliver was on my bed. We’re sitting, just sitting, but it gives me an idea. I take out my phone and hold it over us and snap a photo. I run it through a filter, making sure everyone can see just where it was taken, and send it into the universe.

“Nice,” Oliver says, once it appears on his phone. “That’s going to drive everyone crazy.”

I nodded but didn’t admit it was driving me a little crazy too.

*

Needing to boost my wardrobe, I took my birthday money and hit the thrift store. My selection of sexy clothing was limited and to get this right I was going to have to suck up my fear of fashion and go with it.

The shop was fairly empty, the racks full of unappealing clothes, but I’d looked online for a few ideas and managed to luck out.

The following day, I knew I’d hit my mark when Hayden stopped dead in his tracks in the parking lot, nudging Jackson in the arm.

I fought a smile at my success.

After my research I figured I could stay within the dress code while pulling off a sexy look. Today was a ruffled shoulder-revealing shirt matched with a denim skirt with a frayed hem. Black booties covered my feet. I found a pair of big hoop earrings in my mother’s jewelry box.

The minute the soles hit the pavement, a pair of hands pulled me from the car and slung my bag over his shoulder. My stomach dipped, wondering if Oliver had found me. When I turned, I plastered a smile on my face the minute I saw it wasn’t any of the boys I’d hoped to see.

“Oh, hi, Garrett.”

Garrett was tall and had light brown hair. I could see broad shoulders hidden under his flannel shirt. He wore thick-rimmed glasses and had a scruffy beard that made him cute in that hipster kind of way.

“Hi, Heaven.” He was shy and artsy. Everyone knew it. We had all been to school together forever. Garrett and I were not friends, but we weren’t not friends either. He opened and closed his mouth like he was preparing to say something, but no words came out.

“So, what’s going on?” I asked, walking toward the building.

“I, uh...”

I stopped in the walkway, other students jostling me out of the way. “What’s going on, Garrett? I’m going to be late.”

“Can I talk to you—in private?

Oh, god. Not again.

My eyes bugged. I knew they did. I could feel it but this was my goal, to stir the pot and get people talking. I sighed and grabbed his arm, pulling him over to a picnic table in the school lawn. “I’ll talk to you, away from everyone else, but not alone.” Stupid Eric. Learned my lesson with that one. “What do you want?”

“Yeah, okay,” he said, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

“Spit it out,” I said. “Fine, look, are you gay? Because that I was not expecting.”

His brown eyes snapped to my own, “What? No. No. I am not gay.”

“Okay then what?”

“I thought maybe, um...”

“Tick tock, Garrett.”

“Will you go out with me?”

“And by ‘go out’ you mean...” I prompted. It was pathetic that I had to ask.

“Out. Like for coffee or something.”

I eyed him for a minute. “And by coffee do you mean have sex? Because I am not having sex with you.”

“What? Oh my god, Heaven!” He looked around to see if anyone was listening. Surprisingly, no one was.

“Well, you can’t blame me. You’ve heard the rumors.”

It was his turn to look suspicious. “Yeah, rumors.”

“Okay then. That’s gonna be a ‘no’.” I knew I was being irrational. I looked like a slut, had been acting like a slut, but when called one I was getting pissy. I started off toward the building again.

“Wait,” Garrett stopped me with a large, warm hand. “Look, just come with me. This afternoon to the coffee shop. I’ll drive and pay. Just a date—nothing, uh, sexual.”

“A date?”

He smiled. “A date.”

Chapter 5

Garrett was sweet. And funny. And completely not interested in me. The minute we walked into the coffee shop, he flung a wiry arm around my shoulders and planted a gentle kiss on my cheek. It was sweet, but a little fast. I know people assumed I was easy, but come on, buy me a coffee first.

“What was that?” I hissed in his ear.

“What?”

“Garrett, don’t make me walk out of here.” Because I really didn’t want to walk home.  These booties were cute as hell but not made for a three-mile walk home.

He sighed. “Fine, look, do you see Sarina over there?”

I nodded; Sarina was a cute sophomore at school with us. She was busy helping a customer. More than once, she glanced in our direction.

“I wanted to make her jealous by showing up with you,” he confessed.

“Garrett!”

“See, I knew you would be mad. This is why I didn’t tell you.”

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure I’m mad now because you didn’t tell me, dumbass.” I wanted to be indignant, but since I had my own plan to make one boy jealous by using another boy, it seemed a little hypocritical. Although, I was a little bummed. Garrett was cute and nice.

Did these guys only want to use me to get something else?

Seemed like it.

“I’m sorry,” he said.  I gave him the stink eye. “No, really. It’s just...Sarina is awesome, and way out of my league. I heard her talking about how she thought you were kind of badass the other day. So I thought if you would go out with me, then maybe she would, too.”

I had to wonder what kind of morals Sarina had if she thought I was cool, in light of recent events. Whatever. The plan was to get people talking and for people to notice me. It seemed to be working.

“Why can you ask me out and not her?” I asked. “If I’m such a badass, you should be terrified of me.”

He shrugged. We were in line now, moving closer to the counter. “I’ve known you forever. I’m not sure what happened down at the beach, but I figured you could say yes, or no. You said yes.”

“Great. Well, now what?”

He adjusted his glasses. “I’m not sure.”

Time was up and we were at the front of the line. Sarina smiled when she saw Garrett and her eyes widened just a bit when she saw me next to him. Motivated by his sad story and news of my badassery, I leaned into his side and wrapped my arm around his stomach, anchoring myself to him.

“What would you like, Heaven?” he asked. He was being all smooth and gentlemanly. Crap. Now I was bummed again.

“Just a hot chocolate, actually.” I smiled warmly. Sarina watched our every move.

Garrett placed his order, chatting quickly with her. Minutes later, she slid the two paper cups across the counter. I decided to take the opportunity to do what Garrett was obviously too weak to do on his own.

“Thanks for the drink and the fantastic afternoon. See you soon, okay?” I kissed him on the cheek.

“Um...okay...” he stammered. His eyes flashed between me and Sarina. I threw him for a loop but I knew what I was doing. With a quick smile at her and a lingering hand on Garrett’s hip before I walked away, I set it all in motion. She smiled back. She was no dummy. If she thought I was a badass, then stealing my recent conquest would pique her interest even more. Sure enough, before I even walked three steps, she saw the break I was giving her and began flirting with a confused but blissfully happy Garrett.

Feeling powerful, I pushed open the door and was hit by a gust of damp, cold air. Great. So much for an awesome exit. I had no car and no ride back to school. I wrapped my coat tightly around my waist and started walking. I considered stopping by the police station to get a lift from my mom, but she would wonder why I was stranded without a car in the first place, so that was out.

Now would be a nice time for Oliver to show up again.

As if a fairy godmother heard my plea, a sleek, black car drove up next to me. The passenger window rolled down and out popped the head of my Prince Charming. Jackson Hall.

“Hey, Heaven.”

I stopped and peered into the open window. Anderson was driving. His eyes were forward, fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel. “Hey.”

“You need a ride?”

I wanted to say no if Anderson was going to be a jerk, but there was a bigger plan, and my freezing hands and pinched toes begged otherwise. They wanted in that car badly. “If it’s not a bother.”

“Nah,” Jackson said, that delicious grin widening across his face. He opened the door and hopped out of the seat, pushing it forward so he could cram his long legs into the back. He was giving me the front seat. Maybe Garrett wasn’t the only one with manners around town.

“Thanks,” I said, climbing in. I looked to the left. “Hey, Anderson.”

“Hi.” His fingers tightened on the leather wheel—the whites of his knuckles showing.

“Okay. Well, my car is at the school.”

“Why’d you leave it there?” Jackson asked.

Our eyes met and I got the distinct feeling he already knew.

“If you must know, I had a date.”

“And what? He ditched you?”

Anderson’s knuckles turned white.

“No. Nothing like that. I was just ready to go.”

He exhaled. Jackson began rambling on about the party this weekend. It was at Peter’s house. Apparently, everyone was going. Everyone. Anderson said little, and I said less. In the past, no one discussed parties or weekend plans with me. Of course, in the past, no one thought I was an easy lay, either. Normally I was on my own or maybe with Justin. The entire topic made me uncomfortable.

Thankfully, the school was close, and Anderson slowed the car before he pulled into the parking lot. It was empty other than a couple teachers’ cars and my mom’s rusty truck. He swung into the space next to mine and I unlatched my seat belt.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”  I turned to smile before I got out of the car, but saw Anderson wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were on the rearview mirror, locked with Jackson’s.

These two. I seriously had no idea what was going on with them. “Yeah, well thanks again, and I’ll see you later, I guess.” I got out, leaving the door open so Jackson could move to the front. I heard the door behind me close as I dug around in my bag, looking for my keys.

“Heaven?”

I spun; Jackson was standing behind me. “Um, yeah?”

“So, Saturday...can I pick you up?”

I frowned. “Saturday?”

He raised an eyebrow and smiled. “The party? At Peter’s. Can I pick you up?”

My heart almost lurched out of my chest. Jackson was asking me to go with him. I wavered. Was he for real asking? Not to make someone else jealous or because he was gay, (although he and Anderson...) but because he wanted me to? Or did Oliver put him up to it?

See? Things were super confusing.

“Can I call you later? And tell you then?”

His face fell a bit, but he recovered, tapping his fist on the side of my car. “Sure, call me. Tonight.”

“I will. I promise.”

“Great.” He turned and swung the car door open. I saw Anderson inside. Not looking forward, not looking at Jackson. This time, staring straight at me. His jaw clenched tight.  Anger rolled off him in waves as the door slammed between us. Moments later, the squeal of his tires confirmed that something was definitely not okay between us.

*

That night while sitting on my bed and doing my homework, there was a direct message from Eric. He was inviting me to the party at Peter’s house. Payment, I suppose, for my services earlier in the week. I deleted it, but the invite was a reminder that I should call Jackson and give him my answer. I wanted to go, but at the same time, things were moving fast. I couldn’t tell what was real and not real any longer.

Still wavering, I got his number from Oliver and called.

“Heaven?”

“Yeah. How did you know it was me?” I asked.

He laughed. “Lucky guess. I didn’t recognize the number.”

“Oh.”

“So, is this about Saturday?” he prompted.

“Yeah.”

“I can pick you up around seven...” He wasn’t giving me much of an out. We had a plan. This was what I wanted. I repeated that mantra over in my head.

“Awesome.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Definitely, I’ll get you at seven, okay?”

I agreed and hung up the phone, unable to stop thinking about the last party I’d gone to and the fallout that ensued.

*

Five messages were waiting on me when I stepped out of the shower. All from Oliver.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up.

OMG WAKE UP.

Fine. Check your Facebook.

With only a towel wrapped around my body, I sat at the desk chair and opened my account.  I had been tagged in two new photos from the anonymous account. One was of me getting into Eric’s car. The other was of me and Garrett at the coffee shop. The picture was taken exactly when I kissed him on the cheek.

I texted Oliver back.

Do you know who posted these?

Nope.

A chill ran down my spine and I looked around my room. It was silly. No one was in here but I still had the feeling of being watched.

It was none of us. You okay?

Not exactly. I’m home alone tonight. Mom’s working the night shift.

Lock the doors.

I’ll be okay.

I put down the phone and wrapped my towel closer around my body and willed the fear to go away.

*

I’d finally coaxed myself into a pair of soft cotton pajama pants and a heavy Oceanside sweatshirt when I heard the knock on the front door. I froze in the hallway, back pressed to a wall.

“Heaven!”

Stalkers didn’t usually announce themselves, I considered, and I went to the window to take a peek. Oliver stood on the porch.

The look of relief on his face said everything when I opened the door.

“What are you—” I started but he stepped forward and scooped me into a hug. His arms were huge and he lifted me like a feather. He smelled amazing and I inhaled, feeling safe for the first time since I saw the photos.

“I could tell you were freaked out,” he said, lowering me back to the floor. He brushed a strand of hair out of my face. “We wanted to check on you.”

“We?” I glanced over his shoulder. I was shocked to see Hayden standing behind him. The boy—well, he was eighteen and looked more man than boy—stood on the edge of my porch. His longish, black hair was tucked behind his ears and his brown eyes watched my every move. Hayden was elusive, quiet. Sexy—there was no doubt about that one.

And he was on my porch.

I gave him a small wave and he nodded back before I shifted my gaze back to Oliver. “Thank you for coming. Really, I’m okay.”

“You’re alone, Heaven. With everything going on, there’s no way we’re letting you stay by yourself tonight. Oh and we brought food.” He glanced down at the small table next to the door and I saw the pizza box.

It was obvious they had no intention of leaving, so despite the fact my mom had a pretty strict, “no visitors” rule, I opened the door and let them inside.

The two of them were huge in my small house; all broad shoulders and long legs. We lived in a small bungalow on the older side of town, perfect for me and my mom—walking distance to her job so we could share her little gray truck.

I couldn’t help but gape at their size and the general idea that they’d come to my house, so I just stood awkwardly staring at them until it dawned on me to get plates. “You want something to drink? Soda? Water?”

“Water is fine,” Oliver replied, looking over the house. He stopped at a photo of me around the age of three standing on the edge of the ocean in a mermaid bikini with same-aged Justin, his skin dark with a tan. “Is that your friend? The one that got you into all of this?”

I could hear the judgement in his voice. I filled two glasses with ice and water. “Justin didn’t make me do anything. I volunteered.”

Hayden peered at the photo and said, “I know him. We played football together when we were kids.”

“I thought you played soccer?”

“I play both.”

“Well, despite everything going on now, he’s a good friend.” My only friend, I wanted to tell them, but seeing them in my house like this made that seem less true. “Come on, we can eat in here.”

The box was barely open before they both dove in, grabbing two pieces each. I watched in fascination as they inhaled their food, only stopping once to push the box in my direction. I took a piece before they got it all and bit into the gooey cheese, groaning when I realized I was starving. Both guys stopped eating and stared at me.

“What?” I asked, tugging at a piece of cheese and dropping it in my mouth.

They glanced uneasily at one another. “Nothing,” Oliver said. “You’re just funny.”

“And hot,” Hayden admitted. Oliver shot him a look but he just shrugged. “She is. You are. Hot. And groaning like that over a piece of pizza? Only made you hotter.”

“Seriously?” I kept thinking I was being pranked. Was someone recording this right now? Anderson? But there was a glint in Hayden’s eyes—something I could only describe as hunger, and I knew his belly was full.

Oliver sighed. “Heaven, you know we’re not the kind of guys that really date around. The girls are school are a little…”

“Clingy,” Hayden added, shoving more pizza in his mouth. “So freaking clingy.”

“We’re a tight group. Me, Hayden, Jackson, and Anderson. And our friendship has always come before any other kind of relationship. We support one another. We have fun together. It’s just who we are.”

My stomach twisted in apprehension, but I had to ask. “Where does that leave me? Why are you really here?”

“Because you need us and frankly, we need you.” He moved to the couch and sat next to me, taking my hand in his. His hand was warm and his skin tingled against mine. “You don’t know our history, do you?”

I shook my head. “I moved here in the sixth grade. Everyone already called you The Allendale Four.”

Oliver looked at Hayden, who nodded his head, giving him the go-ahead. “Hayden, Jackson, and I were like everyone else in elementary school. Had a lot of friends. Played with the other kids. Everything was fine until Anderson’s family moved here in the second grade.”

“His family didn’t live here all along?” New kids were rare in Allendale. It was one of the reasons my arrival had been so rocky. Cliques and friend groups were set in pre-school.

“Nope. He showed up with that silly hair, sticking up in a million directions, and even then he was a handsome kid. But he was also shy and that translated into him seeming stuck up. He was scrawny and a few of the kids at school decided he was fair game.”

“They bullied him?” The thought made my heart hurt. Poor Anderson.

“Mercilessly. He was too smart, too wealthy. His parents are both doctors and lived in the biggest house in the district. And Mark Amerson and Spencer Harrison decided to make his life miserable.”

“Ugh, Mark. I hate that guy.” Spencer was just skeevy. “He tries to pretend like he’s nice but he’s awful.”

Hayden busted out laughing. “Right? What a dick.”

“Total dick,” I agreed. “So what happened to Anderson? Seems like he survived.”

“We didn’t like the dynamics on the playground and decided to stick up for Anderson. It wasn’t hard. After we scared the pants off of Mark and Spencer, we made a pact to always take care of one another and that’s how we became the Allendale Four.” He and Hayden reached out and performed a complicated handshake. It was totally bro-ish and adorable.

“That was really nice of you.”

Oliver’s fingers tighten in mine. “When we saw the whole school turn on you over the thing with Justin, we agreed to help you the way we helped Anderson.”

“That’s really sweet of you.” I wrinkled my nose. “But what about the fact Anderson isn’t into it—or anything to do with me?”

Hayden shook his head. “Anderson is an idiot. We love him, but he’s an idiot. He’s down with supporting you, Heaven. It’s just going to take him a little while to warm up. After being picked on, he doesn’t trust people easily.”

That made sense and explained a lot about how some days he was friendly in class but never let it go any further.

“Give him time,” Oliver said.

“We’ll find out who’s taking and posting the photos,” Hayden added. “Until then, stick close to us. Always.”

“And no more fake dates,” Oliver said. “There’s no way to know you’re safe. The owner of the Fakestagram account could be anyone at school. If you want to prove something to the school, go for it. Dress how you want. Slut shaming is wrong.  But if you want to push it further or fool around with a guy? You use one of us. Got it?”

“Is that why Jackson asked me to the party this weekend?”

Hayden laughed and picked up another piece of pizza. “Jackson asked you to the party because he thinks you’re hot.”

My cheeks flamed, but in reality, I felt warm all over. I’d never had people before. Just Justin. But this? Oliver was telling me I finally had a group I belonged to—The Allendale Four.

Chapter 6

Knowing I had the support of the guys, I made a decision and refused to back down to whoever was bullying me. He or she apparently wanted to prove me a slut. Oliver was right. Slut shaming was wrong, so, fine. Whatever.

I dressed for the day: short, plaid skirt. Check. Tight, white blouse. Check. So what? I was channeling early ‘90s Britney Spears. No need to reinvent the wheel.

Jackson met me at my locker again before Chemistry. Apparently, this was going to be a thing. One of the guys would be around all the time. I didn’t hate it.

Anderson watched us walk down the hall together. I pretended that Jackson’s warm fingertips on my back didn’t send a rush of butterflies to my belly, and that I didn’t see the look of disapproval in his best friend’s eyes. Typically, they had their weird stand-off in the hallway. I understood it a little better knowing Anderson’s past, but it still hurt.

“Bye, boys,” I said, leaving them to their drama.

Jackson’s fingers slipped off my back. “Later.”

During class, Anderson ignored me. Well, maybe not ignored. He was watching me when he thought I didn’t notice. I felt more than saw his eyes on me.  Perhaps Anderson wasn’t totally immune to me after all.

The rest of the week was pretty much the same.  Boys swirling around me. Girls giving me the stink eye. Even though things were different from a couple weeks ago, at the same time, I still felt the hovering anxiety from so many people watching me. Even though Jackson had publicly staked his claim, I was curious when Benjamin walked up to our table in Chemistry on Thursday before Anderson came into class.

“Hi, Heaven.”

I eyed him warily. Things had calmed down a little bit since Jackson had been hovering around. Benjamin was nice but a little dorky. I had a hard time seeing him attempting to pull something over on me. His eyes were glued to my chest of course, but I couldn’t blame him. I had a pretty rocking rack.

“What’s up Benjamin?”

“I just wanted to know if I could borrow your notes from English. I had a dentist appointment.”

I breathed a sigh of internal relief. I really didn’t want to have to say no to another fake sex/fake make-out/fake coffee date. “Sure, stop by my locker after school and I’ll give them to you, okay?”

A loud scraping noise interrupted us and Anderson made his presence known. Benjamin glanced in his direction and offered a smile. Anderson gave a weak one in return.

“Great, after school?”

I nodded. “I’ll see you then.”

He walked away and the silence from our little table was deafening. The one person I’d hoped to gain attention from was still ignoring me, that was, until that moment.

That was the day Anderson decided to break his wall of silence.

“You know, he’s a dick.”

That was what he said after almost a week. Regardless, my heart stuttered at the sound of his voice. His words were quiet, low so Mr. Baker wouldn’t hear. In return, I never looked up from my paper.

“What was that? You’re a dick?”

I did look up for the reaction. I was rewarded with a grimace and then the hint of a smile. The only one I’d seen on him in a week.

“Are you talking about Benjamin, because he only—"

“I was talking about Jackson.”

I pretended to mull this information over, tapping my finger on my lips. His eyes darted away from mine. Yeah, he was watching. “This may work for me, then.”

“What?”

“Jackson being a dick. I’m a bitch and apparently a whore, so, yeah, we may be a good match.”

I expected another laugh but instead Anderson’s expression closed. I watched the bone in his jaw flex and retract. This simple motion was completely mesmerizing. Mesmerizing. I considered rubbing my thumb on the sharp angle of the bone jutting out. My fingers twitched and he moved, snapping me out of my trance. I realized that although that bony jaw was hot, it was also a little scary. He was pissed. In all our years of being classmates, we had always had an easy friendship. This? This was so different.

“You’re not.”

I flicker of hope spread through my chest. “I’m not what?”

“A bitch.”

His jaw was still set and his green eyes held mine. I could hardly breathe. He said I wasn’t a bitch. Which was nice. Awesome. What he didn’t say was, “I don’t think you’re a whore.”

“And?”

He didn’t respond.

“Fuck you.” I stood up, grabbed my books and walked out of class.

Chapter 7

Since I left during the middle of class, the hallway was quiet. I couldn’t actually leave school—the last thing I wanted was to get in real trouble. I pushed open the door to the girl’s room. Refuge.

“Heaven Reeves.” I heard my name called the minute I walked into the tiny, cold, cinderblock room. Amber Wasserman was standing with her back to the row of sinks along the wall.

“Hey, Amber.”

“Whatever Heaven, don’t ’hey’ me.”

I looked at the girl in front of me. Amber had a reputation for advocacy and activism. She led the environmental club, the National Organization of Women chapter, and she always wore some kind of feminist shirt to school. The one today was gray with just “girl power” across the front. She was definitely a little on edge. She was also apparently very angry with me.

I sighed dramatically, over her drama already. I was furious with Anderson and more than a little hurt. The last thing I wanted to deal with was her issues. I walked over to the mirrors and I smoothed the collar of my shirt. “What’s the problem?’

“You.”

I rolled my eyes. I really didn’t feel like delving into her drama right now. “Spit it out, Amber.”

“Leave Ben alone.”

Ben? I almost laughed. He was so not of interest to me. Had she not heard? I had the Allendale Four following me around. Sure, they only wanted to be friends—sweet protectors of the innocent and weak, but still. I didn’t laugh, though. Amber’s fists were balled by her sides and I didn’t want to get punched in the face.

Instead I smiled and said, “Sure. No problem.”

“I’m serious.  I saw you two talking earlier.”

“Yeah, Amber,” I shook my head. “He asked if I would let him borrow my homework. Is that a crime? What’s it to you, anyway? You dump him every other week. Everyone knows you treat him like shit.” I turned to face the mirror, fixing my hair. “Seems to me if you don’t want anyone else to have a shot with him, then you better lock that shit up.”

That shut her up, because other than staring at me with her jaw hung open, she simply grabbed her bag and ran out of the room in a huff.

“Psycho,” I muttered, giving her a little space before I walked out the door. To my surprise Oliver was standing in the hall, eyebrows raised.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just doing what I do best—making enemies.” I told him, feeling tears burn at the corner of my eyes. He slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me tight. He smelled good and his body felt perfect next to mine. So perfect that I didn’t even care when we rounded the corner and the whispers started.

Let them whisper.

I had The Four at my back.

*

“What are you doing out here?”

I turned and stared at Hayden. We were on friendlier terms since the impromptu pizza night at my house, but otherwise I’d never been alone with him. Not until now.

“What are you doing out here?” I shot back, before I thought about it. Of all the boys, Hayden intimidated me the most.

Oliver was a teddy bear.

Jackson was genuinely nice, even if he couldn’t take his eyes off my chest.

Anderson…he was Anderson. Less scary, more annoying. I was slowly figuring him out. Maybe.

But Hayden? He was a god. Like how did a man-boy like him even go to high school? He should be on a reality TV show or a model in New York. Possibly a superhero hiding out? I always figured he didn’t date because he was better than the girls in Allendale. Now I know why he’s part of the Allendale Four and what that means.

‘Here’ was the small area between buildings that held some kind of garden of sorts from the agriculture club. It was quiet and out of sight. I was waiting here until I could easily make my escape from school.

“Testy today?” he shot back, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m hiding from Mrs. Cooper. She’s after my ass for detention for skipping class.”

“I just needed a break.”

“Someone bothering you?” A dark shadow fell over his eyes.

“No. I know you guys agreed to back me and I appreciate it, but I can’t take much more.”

He narrowed his eyes and tucked his long hair behind his ear. “What do you mean?”

“Oliver and Jackson are so nice—both laying their reputations on the line to hang out with me. Anderson is…well, you know…”

He blew a puff of smoke into the air and chuckled. “Yeah, I know.”

“It’s just coming from all sides. The girls still hate me. Amber Wasserman just accused me of trying to steal Benjamin from her.” I rolled my eyes. “As if.”

Hayden howled with laughter at that one.

“What?”

“Benjamin would have no fucking clue to do with a girl like you.”

I’m not sure if I should be offended, but I kind of had the same thought. “Seriously. He just wanted to borrow my notes.”

He smiled. It was glorious. “Figures.”

I leaned against the building. “I’m just tired, I guess.”

“You didn’t mention me on that list…”

I raised an eyebrow. “No. I didn’t.”

“Why’s that?”

I shrugged. “Not sure I know you well enough to say.”

“We can easily fix that, you know.” He walked over and leaned against the building, inches away. He smelled like a mixture of aftershave and rain. I couldn’t keep my eyes off his face, and then he inexplicably reached out and touched my chin. “I’m shocked it took everyone so long to take notice. I’ve had my eye on you since the first day you moved here. All arms and legs. Thick braids. Scared of your shadow. I knew there was more and so did the others. Why do you think the guys befriended you?”

“Because I make a good lab partner?”

He laughed. “Well, obviously.”

I eyed him skeptically. “If you could see all that about me, then how come no one else did?”

“The kids at school? The dickwads like Mark Amerson or Spencer? Oh, they noticed. They’re all terrified of you.”

“Yeah right,” I scoffed.

Hayden placed his palm on the building and leaned close. I saw the dark ink of a tattoo on his bicep. “Totally. You’re untouchable.”

Untouchable. The high school equivalent of a disease.

“That’s ridiculous. I’ve spent the last three years here fairly invisible.”

“By choice,” he pointed out.

“Maybe.”

“Well, maybe that just drives them all a little crazy. Guys always want what they can’t have. It’s biology.” I wasn’t sure about that but he seemed convinced. “You’ve been off limits. They thought you were better than them.”

“Sure, okay, say all this is true. Why now?”

“Justin Blackwood broke you. They all feel like they could have a shot now.”

“Gross. Broke me?” This conversation was equally fascinating and repulsive at the same time.

“Justin is good-looking and popular. If you didn’t shoot him down then they think they may have a chance. Like Jackson and the party.”

“If he thinks something is happening between us there, he’s wrong. I already made that party foul once.”

He smiled and it took my breath away. “Jackson’s no fool. He’s probably had his eye on you for a while. I mean, he did ask you before Oliver stepped in.”

“Huh.” I found this hard to believe.

“Yeah. Look, I’m not trying to sell out my brothers or anything, but you know Jackson and Anderson don’t date much. He was probably trying to get up the nerve to ask when shit hit the fan and he got his opportunity.”

The thought of Jackson or Anderson being nervous to ask someone out seemed ridiculous. Who wouldn’t say yes?

“Whatever,” I deflected. “I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to get in my pants.”

He nodded. “Oh, definitely.”

I stared at him for a minute, mesmerized by his dark eyes and wanting to run my fingers across the ink of his tattoo. These boys…they’re too much, and frankly just enough. They’re perfect. Funny. Strong, and well…if everything they’re telling me is true, quite possibly mine.

“What about you, Hayden?” I asked, well aware of the way his eyes kept dropping to the visible cleavage pushing out of my shirt. “Were you too intimidated to ask me out?”

He swallowed and leaned in close to my ear. “You and I? We’re not ready for each other yet. Once you’ve had some fun with my friends come and find me. Then we’ll do it our own way.”

He straightened and to my shock, brushed his lips across my forehead. I gripped the wall, willing my knees to hold me up right. His words came out less like a threat and more like a promise.

A promise, I realized as I watched him walk back into the school, I was determined to make him keep.

Chapter 8

I was lying on my bed when the photo came through my feed.

Hayden and I in the school garden in the exact moment he leaned in to kiss my forehead. You couldn’t see that though, the chasteness of it all. No, it looked like we were full on kissing. Plus, his hand is down by the hem of my skirt and it looked like he was feeling me up. The photo had been tagged with, “Heaven Bags One Of The Four. Who’s Next?”

It only takes a moment for the comments to start. They fill up the screen of my laptop, flooding the page.

Fucking whore

Stupid skank

In public? Gross

Shady as hell.

Hayden Pierce? I’d do him.

Heaven Reeves? I’d do her.

Hope he gets tested.

Who does she think he is?

And on

And on

And on

I knew I should turn it off, but like any trainwreck it was impossible to step away. It felt like watching someone else’s life unfold, but then I looked at the photo and remembered standing there, feeling Hayden’s lips on my forehead, wanting him to do more.

Maybe I was a whore?

Maybe I deserved this?

Anxiety wracked through my chest and it’s all just too much. Hayden made me feel better but now that had been exploited too. Was any of it real?

I pinched myself and felt the sting.

I did it again.

The house was quiet. My mom was gone again. I stared and stared at the photo, feeling like a worthless piece of trash. If I didn’t do something, the panic would set in. I needed a way to release the anxiousness—the pain of being a loser no matter what I did.

I went to my desk and pulled out my pencil bag. There was a small sharpener inside and I knew I could break it open. Get to the blade inside. I’d done it before.

Dropping the phone into the docking station, I flipped on some music and stripped off my shirt so that I was down to a white tank. I saw the scars from before—back when things were darkest for me. They’re all over my upper arms, pale and pink, where people couldn’t see. I never tried to kill myself. That’s not what it was about. The cuts…they were to release the pain. The stress and anger I carried day in and day out. Things had been better but all of this—I’d ventured too outside my box. How dare I try to make friends. How dare someone like me for me.

I fought to catch my breath, focusing on the music and staring at my face in the bathroom mirror. Mascara smeared down my cheek. My nose was red and splotchy. I’d promised my mom I wouldn’t do this anymore, but it hurt so bad.

I smashed the pencil sharpener on the bathroom sink and eyed the sharp metal inside.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I screamed. I screamed loud, so loud, and spun around.

“Oliver! Holy shit!”

Oliver stood in the doorway, eyes wide with fear. He reached for me and snatched the blade from my hand. “What is this?” His eyes skimmed down my arm, taking in the scars. “Heaven, what are you doing?”

We stared at one another and finally I broke. I just broke, collapsing into a heap. A wail rose from the back of my throat but I didn’t hit the ground. Strong arms caught me, lifted me, carried me out of the bathroom.

Oliver cradled me against his chest and lowered me to the bed, engulfing me in his arms. I cried against him, using his body for support. I cried as he stroked my shoulders and arms, kissing the old scars one by one. I sobbed, feeling the pain in my chest crack, finally having someone there to take care of me. I did this until there was nothing left. No pain. No despair. Only an empty shell.

I did all of this, felt all of this until, bound tight in his unwavering arms, he rocked me to sleep.

*

I woke wrapped in warmth surrounded by the most fantastic smell. I didn’t want to wake up, not yet, a cloud lingered in the distance but here I was safe. I wanted to stay bundled in the cocoon.

Eventually I realized the cocoon moved and was not a blanket but the warm heat of a body, a male body, and I blinked my sore, exhausted eyes and looked into the most handsome face.

“Hey,” Oliver said, smiling down at me.

“Hi.”

Slowly the events of the night came back to me. The photo. My breakdown. The blade. Oliver—god, Oliver. How did he even know I needed help?

“I’m,” I started, feeling awkward and embarrassed. “I’m sorry about before. That was, uh…”

His hand stroked my cheek, blue eyes piercing into mine. “That was rough. Scary.”

“Thank you for stepping in, I don’t know what would have happened. I just broke. I don’t know. The photo…shit, did you see it?”

“Yeah, that’s why I came over. I was driving home and saw it. Turned my car around. You didn’t answer but I could hear the music blasting.” He tilted my face to his. “I’ve never been so absolutely fucking terrified before.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Do. Not. Apologize.” His voice was firm. “You’ve been through a lot, Heaven. So much. You’re brave, dealing with those bastards every day. The bravest person I know.”

I wrapped my arms tight around him. “I just felt so alone.”

“Always call me,” he said. “Me or any of the others. We’re just a phone call away, got it?”

That was the strange thing. For the first time after a major panic attack, I felt different. Like a miracle had happened the night before. My chest was clear. The anxiety lifted. Oliver did it. Just by being here. By taking care of me.

I nodded and burrowed my face into his chest. It was so broad and muscular, the type of thing you see on TV. Not in real life. Not in my bed.

His hand ran down my arm, tracing the pattern of my scars. I wanted to hide them but he held me tight and kissed me behind the ear, whispering, “You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”

“It’s embarrassing.” I said back, a shiver tickling my spine.

“No.” He kissed my shoulder. My neck. “They’re a symbol of your strength, Heaven. You’re a survivor. You survived then and you’ll survive now.”

My heart swelled and like him, I wanted to explore his body. I wanted to feel him. He watched me, allowed me the freedom to touch him all over. He laid still, allowing me to take my time and it was only when he grimaced, wrinkling his nose, that I realized the effect my hands on him had.

“Oh,” I said, glancing at the small space between our hips. The distance shrunk as he grew. “Sorry.”

“I told you,” he said, closing the gap between us. “Never apologize.”

His lips were only a breath away, pink and inviting. I held his eyes and he cupped my face with his hand. I licked my lips and he unconsciously mimicked the move. He was going to kiss me. I knew he wanted to, but something held him back.

“What?” I asked as his eyes searched mine.

“I don’t want to take advantage. Not after everything you’ve gone through—not after tonight.”

I laughed. The first time since yesterday and it felt good. So good. “You’re not taking advantage, Oliver. Just fucking kiss me.”

It was all the invitation he needed, and when his lips met mine it was like a chorus of angels singing. He tasted like mint, his lips soft while his mouth claimed me hard. Electricity ran through my arms and legs, building in the most forbidden places. This wasn’t my first kiss but god, none had ever felt quite like this.

This was what it felt like to kiss someone that cared for you.

This was what it felt like to be with someone that gets you.

This was what it felt like to have your needs met and to want to meet the needs of others.

Late that night Oliver gave me the kiss that would give me back my will to live and the courage to handle the future. If one boy kissing me felt like this, what would happen if I kissed the others?

Chapter 9

We slept until dawn, the sun breaking through my bedroom window. Oliver and I were smushed on my too-small-for-two-people bed. Especially since he was twice my size. I woke with my face in the crook of his neck.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, trying to wake up.

“There are worse ways to wake up.” He rubbed his face. “Damn I had some crazy dreams.”

“Tell me about it. I dreamed I was being chased by all the guys at school. Justin and Eric were begging me for dates, but when I finally agreed, they just started kissing each other. Garrett lured me with roses and candy and then gave them to another girl. Jackson led me to Anderson’s house where I thought I was safe, which I was until they surrounded me with white tigers and forced me into a hanging cage where I had to dance for them. I even had on thigh-high, white, go-go boots.”

Oliver’s eyebrows were knitted together in deep concentration.

“What?” I asked.

“Just imaging you in the thigh-highs, babe.”

I pushed him playfully on the chest. “Don’t be a perv.”

“Can’t help it.” He stood and stretched, revealing the pale sliver of skin just above his waistband. His ab game was strong, as well as the deep-cut V on each side, leading like an arrow. My mom would be home soon and as much as I hated it, he had to go.

She definitely wouldn’t understand a boy, especially one that looked like Oliver, spending the night.

He stood at the door, giving me one last kiss goodbye. “I’ll will say this though, you wear boots like that and you’ll drive Jackson and Anderson crazy.”

*

Jackson was only five minutes late. For that, I was grateful. I stood in front of the mirror, fussing with my outfit. I’d gotten the whole thing for eight dollars at the thrift store. With the help of the internet and the google words “Sexy casual party outfit,” upcycling clothes may be my superpower. My mother said nothing about my outfit when I came down the stairs, but I knew what she was thinking: When did my daughter start dressing like a tramp?

My jeans were skin-tight, leaving little to the imagination, and lined with strategic rips and tears. I’d found a fantastic black V-neck tank top that I accentuated with a lacy, teal bra. It pushed my cleavage upward while flowing near my waist. My boobs looked pretty freaking fantastic, which was something I never thought I’d say, but since coming out of my shell, that was the first thing I realized. I have a good body. A rockin’ body. Sure, I was covered in scars, but Oliver taught me they weren’t something to be embarrassed about.

I was tired of hiding.

I didn’t have the go-go boots from my dream but my black booties went perfectly with the outfit.

Unfortunately, my mother didn’t agree with my outfit choice.

“You’re not seriously going in that, are you?”

“What?” I said, finger-combing my hair. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal? If you have one slip your nipples will fall out!”

“Mom!” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not showing my nipples.”

“Yet.”

So here was the problem with my mom. For my mom. She wasn’t a bad parent…just not around. She was flighty and busy and the bad shit that went down between her and my dad exhausted her. And other than my dark moments I was a pretty good kid. I was easy to ignore. So her sudden interest didn’t mean that much to me.

I had no interest in her approval.

Jackson drove up, his car loud on the wet street. I ran to the door, hoping to catch him before he came inside.

“Heaven Reeves, you let the boy come to the door,” my mother said, appearing next to me. I cringed as she peeked out the window. “Boys, that is. You let them come to you, not the other way around.”

I felt my eyes widen. “Boys?”

I pushed my mother out of the way and stole a look. Sure enough, Jackson was walking up to the front door and there was another person behind him. A person with messy hair and a determined sour disposition.

I dropped the curtain. “Holy shit.”

“Heaven! Language.” My mother was still standing there. Why was she still standing there?

“Sorry, Mom. I just didn’t expect them both to come.”

There was no time for me to prepare for this situation. The heavy tread of their shoes announced their arrival on the front porch. They were here, and apparently my date had turned into a double.

“Mom, go, now.” I urged. She sighed, but reluctantly left anyway, giving us some space.

They knocked. I answered. Jackson smiled. Anderson frowned. I tried to look anywhere but their eyes. It was awkward. The two boys hulked in the doorway, Anderson a step behind Jackson. Jackson was taller, although you couldn’t tell since Anderson had that crazy big hair and wide, broad shoulders. He was adorable. They were both adorable. Shit. I was staring and things were getting so, so uncomfortable.

“I thought Anderson may want to ride with us?” Jackson said breaking up the horribleness. “You know, conserve energy and all that.”

I doubted that. “Yeah, sounds great.”

Jackson’s slate gray eyes took me in, starting with the boots, ending with my boobs. My cheeks burned from the obvious attention. “You look fantastic, Heaven.”

“Thank you.” I took in his fitted jeans and untucked button-down. His gray shirt that matched his eyes. Anderson’s was white, which brought out the pure green in his eyes. They both looked so incredibly good, and a waft of their incredible scent struck me and my knees wobbled. “You look handsome too.” I peeked around Jackson, “You too, Anderson.”

Anderson looked surprised at my compliment and Jackson elbowed him in the ribs, hissing in his direction. His green eyes snapped to mine and a small, lopsided grin appeared on his face. “Thanks.”

All it took was one genuine smile and I was a goner.

I grabbed my coat and walked to the car. Anderson drove, of course, the little control freak I suspected him to be.  His driving made things weird. Are we going with the assumption that I’m still on a date with Jackson? Or that this was no longer a date of any kind? Should I sit in the back? What if Jackson offers me the front? If I could have bitch-slapped myself, I would’ve. My nerves were getting the best of me.

Thank goodness for Jackson, cool as always, he made the decision for us. He opened the door and directed me to the back, next to him. Anderson rode solo in the front—probably exactly how he wanted it.

Peter’s house wasn’t far (was anything in this podunk town?), but Jackson talked the whole way. To my relief he didn’t bring up the stuff that happened with Oliver and the way he found me the night before. Maybe he didn’t know. Did these boys keep secrets from one another?

Do they even know we kissed?

I tried to focus my attention anywhere but Anderson, but it was hard when I kept meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror. I was still hurt and pissed about the whore comment from before and it seemed pretty clear he wasn’t offering an apology. For all the negative energy coming from the front of the car, Jackson did his best to make things easy. Our knees were forced into contact by the tight fit in the back of the car, and more than once he covered my hand with his own. It was warm and weird and nice, and I had no idea what I was doing.

The party was in full swing by the time we arrived. A tinge of anxiety filled my chest and I stuck to Jackson’s side. We were in unfamiliar territory. The only parties I went to were down at the beach with Justin and the boys. They usually had bonfires and beer. I imagined this wouldn’t be much different. Except it was with people I hated and maybe one that was stalking me. Was my stalker here?

“Look,” Jackson said, pulling me aside. “You look fucking amazing in that outfit. Like so, so hot. The flies? They’re going to be on you like honey. Don’t stray from one of us, got it?”

I nodded, loving his protective side.

“Wait here,” Jackson said once we entered the crowded, noisy house. He left me and Anderson as he disappeared into the crowd. My anxiety creeped. There was only one person that could offer support but Anderson looked as uncomfortable as I felt. Not just uncomfortable, that uneasy, hostile expression he wore so often shadowed his pretty face.

“You guys do this often?” I asked, trying to break the freeze. “Come to parties?”

I wasn’t sure he was going to reply but he crammed his hands in his pockets and leaned back on his heels and said, “Jackson and Oliver like to come. Hayden will chill—if he’s in the mood. They usually drag me along.” He raised his eyebrows. “It’s good to have a designated driver, right?”

Jackson pushed through the crowd and returned with three cups, and a tower of tiny paper cups.

“Here,” Jackson said, handing me a full red cup of beer. “I snagged these, too.” Placing several cups of what I now realized was a Jell-O shot in my hand. Oh, boy.

“To new friends,” Jackson said cheesily, his slim fingers wrapped around the tiny cup, while his other snaked around my waist. “Super sexy, fantastic friends.”

My cheeks burned and I slurped down my shot.

“Thought you didn’t drink?” I said to Anderson.

“Yeah, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get through the night, you know?” I watched Anderson take a long drink of beer and my eyes landed on the foam he quickly licked off the top of his lip. I think my own tongue copied his. The burning stare he gave me made me think he saw me do it.

Damnshitfuck.

“Yeah,” I said. “I know the feeling.” I gulped the second shot Jackson gave me and chugged the beer.

*

The thing about Jackson is that he is absolutely adorable. Dimples and a wide, easy smile made him impossible not to love. He charmed the room, but never left my side. No one said a word about me or the rumors flying around when I was with him, although there was no doubt every person in the room wondered how the heck I won the prize of sitting on his lap.

Oh right. I was easy.

“I’m going to get a drink,” I said, easing away from the heat of his body. “Anyone want one?”

“I’m good,” Oliver said. He’d shown up about an hour after we arrived with Hayden in tow. The Allendale Four commandeered the game table. Anderson held up his almost full cup and shook his head.

Jackson hopped out of his seat. “I’ll come.”

We walked through the kitchen to the back deck. Jackson filled our cups and he leaned against the wooden railing and took a long swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing beneath his perfect chin.  I watched as he placed his cup on top of the rail and lit a cigarette. He watched me back.

“What?” I asked with a smile. My tongue was loosened enough from the beer to talk to him without feeling so nervous. Even though it was cold outside, I felt warm.

“You’re alright, Reeves.”

“I don’t even know what that means?” I said, shaking my head.

“It means I like you and I’m not sure why we weren’t friends before.”

I choked on my drink. “Because you didn’t notice me. Or, or according to your pal Hayden, because everyone thinks I’m a frigid, untouchable bitch.” I eyed him warily. “Or because now that things have changed, you think you can get in my pants.”

I don’t know what reaction I expected, but all Jackson had for me was a smile. “That’s where you’re wrong. I’ve noticed you for a long time.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, really. Pretty girls are usually on my radar and our school is in short supply.”

The tips of my ears burned. He called me pretty. I was still sure he was trying to get in my pants, but I had to admit, his methods were pretty solid. “You don’t seem like the type to hold back from asking a girl out.”

“True,” he said, pressing the cigarette between his lips and inhaling. “But, I had my reasons.”

“Care to share?”

“Nope.” He shrugged. “But for the record, I never thought you were a bitch,” he smiled. “Well, not really. I kind of like bitchy girls.”

“That’s what I told Anderson!”

“Told him what?”

“That you and I would make a good pair since you’re a dick and I’m a bitch.”

His eyes were wide and he laughed. “You think I’m a dick.”

Shit.

“I didn’t say it.” Shit, shit. He tilted his head in question. “Your boyfriend called you a dick.”

“Oh, I see,” he just shook his head and took a final, long drag.

We stood there together with new understanding. We’re both attracted to one another. We both liked each other much more than expected.

“Thanks for sticking up for me at school all week. Things were getting rough.”

He grunts. “That place is a cesspool run on hormones, gossip, and pain. When Oliver told me what was going on…it made me so angry. Then I saw for myself how they were treating you and it make me sick.” He slid down the deck railing until we were only a hair apart. “I won’t deny that I’ve always been attracted to you, Heaven, so yeah, when you walked in with your new look I appreciated it. We all did. But that slut-shaming shit? Fuck no. Unacceptable.”

I shivered, partially from the cold but also just being this close to him. Jackson was so handsome; his face had the chiseled features of a Norse god. His hand gripped my hip and he pulled me against his body, sharing his warmth.

“Half of those kids will regretfully screw one another before the night is over. It’ll be one giant nightmare of sloppy hand-jobs, sticky blow-jobs, and drunken, one-and-done, unsatisfactory fucks.” His description makes me laugh because it’s so freaking true. I could see Mallory rubbing her butt all over Mark on the makeshift dance floor from the deck. “What we have, babe, is a whole different level. It’s not about sex. It’s about understanding one another. Sure, they’ll talk about the fact you walked in with two of the Allendale Four. They’ll make up lies about me and you out here right now, but we know the truth about our commitment to one another.”

His words slammed into my chest. Like Oliver, he seemed fully in on this relationship with me. And the crazy thing was that it had nothing to do with sex. They’d barely laid a hand on me. Oliver acted a gentleman in my bed, never taking it further than a kiss and cuddling. Had he wanted to go further? His hammering heartbeat and the noticeable tent in his pants told me yes. Same with the way Jackson’s eyes swept over me. He made my skin itch. Burn. Like the only thing that would cool it off was his touch.

But that was what made these guys different. They were respectful. Of me and my situation. They cared. And every time they revealed themselves a little bit more to me, I fell harder.

A group of kids stumbled out to the deck, talking in loud voices and filling their plastic cups. The second they came into view, Jackson threw his arm around me protectively.

“You cold?”

“Not too much. The beer helps,” I said. The warmth of his arm felt nice and I snuggled into the hard but inviting muscles of his body.

We watched the group struggle with the tap. Spencer was hanging around the edges.  I couldn’t help but notice him looking at me. He’d come up to me once or twice at school since the day he’d approached me in the parking lot. What a tool. He couldn’t even keep the leer out of his eyes and I heard the low rumble of protection in Jackson’s chest. Spencer turned away and eventually, they figured out the tap and filled their cups.

Once they were gone, Jackson moved back a little and said, “So what made you decide to go this route anyway? Not that I’m complaining. But is this really how you want to go down in high school history? As the easy chick? Because we can do this differently, you know.”

Of course that’s not what I wanted, but at the time what I wanted seemed out of reach. “It’s hard being invisible, Jackson. It’s something you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

I took a deep breath, “I didn’t start this for attention, mostly I was just angry and lashing out. But then people did start to pay attention to me in a new way. Sure, some of it was gross or even mean, but after a lifetime of solitude it was at least different. What’s wrong with wanting someone to notice you?”

Jackson frowned and flicked his burnt cigarette off the deck. I looked away, trying to keep my emotions in check. I felt his cold fingers graze my chin and turn my face toward him. “People have always noticed you. The right ones. Don’t ever think differently.” He slid over and pulled me into a tight hug. It was nice, safe, and that ball of anxiety that I carried with me each and every day unraveled just a little bit.

I pulled back, just enough so that I could see his face. He looked down at me, eyes glued to mine. Jackson was so close I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips. His tongue darted out and I couldn’t help but stare at it. Him.

Everything around us fell away. The party. The music. The prying eyes. Jackson’s hand pressed urgently against my back. I pushed up on my toes, not wanting to wait a moment longer.

“Are you sure?” he said, eyes darting behind me.

“They want a show, let’s give it to them.” But I knew he was aware this wasn’t about them. It was about us.

“I thought you’d never say that.” He smiled with a lazy, sexy grin.

He planted his mouth on mine and a jolt runs between us. Pure chemistry. I slammed into him, pinning him against the porch rail, and his cold fingers slipped beneath my coat to the warmth of my belly. I jerked, laughing at the sensation, but he didn’t let my lips leave his. His tongue tasted like beer. His body felt like paradise and the longer we went and the more intense it became, I truly have no freaking clue why I waited so long.

Chapter 10

Things I remember from that night:

●             Lime green Jell-O shots made with vodka.

●             Sitting close to Jackson on the back porch in a big, cushioned swing the size of a couch.

●             Jackson’s arm around my shoulder.

●             Noticing he smelled like laundry detergent and that special boy scent. I may have sniffed him.

●             Anderson’s smile.

●             Oliver re-enacting a scene from some play from the third grade where he played a carp.

●             Feeling dizzy and needing to use the bathroom.

I wobbled when I stood, swaying just a bit. I felt Jackson’s hand steady on my back. Ever since we kissed he hadn’t stopped touching me. I kinda hoped he never would.

Anderson, who came outside a few minutes before, seemed intent to burn a hole in our flesh with his intense, disapproving glare.

“You okay?” Jackson asked.

I smiled. It felt funny and real but not real, since I was drunk. “Yeah, I’ll be back in a minute.”

“I can go with you,” he said.

“I think I can handle a trip to the girls’ room on my own, but thanks.” I leaned over. “Anyway, I think your boyfriend wants a little time alone with you.”

He glanced at Anderson and grimaced but gave me an understanding nod. Oliver was good with the situation. So good that when he spotted us from the game table kissing he gave us a double thumbs-up. Hayden? I hadn’t seen him in over an hour. He was most likely camped out in front of the huge TV watching the football game. Who knew? But Anderson? He didn’t like what was going on with me and the others. He hadn’t said so, but his death glares made his feelings clear.

I stood and tried to ignore the way the porch swam around me. Just like I ignored the way everyone at the party kept looking at us. I hated the eyes on me but I loved the way it felt being so public with Jackson. In some ways it was like we’d transcended these people.

I had already been to the bathroom a couple of times so I knew it was in the back of the house. I just had to navigate through the dining room (beer pong), the kitchen (Quarters), down the hallway (groping couples) to the bathroom next to the laundry room. The door was locked when I finally made it there, so I leaned against the wall to wait. Leaned may be an exaggeration. Slid to the floor into a pile may be more appropriate.

The bathroom door opened and I considered going in, but I wasn’t exactly sure how to get off the floor. Moving seemed really hard.

“You need some help?”

I looked up and saw Spencer standing over me. Gross. “No.”

He quirked an eyebrow and watched me try to manipulate my legs bound in repressively tight pants into a standing position. The heels didn’t help.

I sighed and reconsidered.

“Dammit. Yes, can I get some help, please?” I stretched an arm out and he tugged me up.

“You’re wasted.”

“No shit.”

He looked around. He looked a little drunk, too. His hazel eyes were a little unfocused and his normally pale cheeks were red. “Where’s Hall?”

“Outside. With his boyfriend.”

He laughed, tossing his head back. “Those two. One day they’ll come out.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, loving how close those guys were. “Okay, I gotta use the bathroom so...” I walked into the tiny room, closing the door behind me. Spencer was okay.  A little dumb, definitely pretty. He used to have long, stringy hair that he cut off over the summer. That simple move increased his looks exponentially.

I took a minute in the bathroom, smoothing my hair, adjusting the neck of my shirt to maximum reveal. May as well give Jackson a good view since he was being such the doting boyfriend tonight. When I opened the door, I jumped in surprised to find Spencer waiting for me when I walked out.

He smiled and I ignored him and moved past.

“Hey wait,” he said and pulled me to the side. His hand felt weird and clammy. I stumbled behind him, still a little wobbly on my feet. He led us further down the dark hall. “So how long is this thing with Jackson gonna go on?”

Of course. He still believed the rumors. I shook my head. “However long is none of your business, that’s for sure.”

“Don’t be like that.” He pressed a hand against the wall next to my head and leaned in. Hayden pulled the same move a few days before in the garden. The way he did it was sexy. Spencer, on the other hand…I felt the prickle of anxiety travel up my spine. “Maybe when you’re done with him you can spend some time with me.”

Oh god. Just. No. “I really don’t think so, Spencer, but thanks for the offer.”

“Whatever, Heaven, it’s not like you have standards. You’ve got quite the trail of discards already. Blackwood melted the ice queen. I’d just be happy to be next on the list. You won’t regret it.”

Prick. “Are you kidding?”

He smirked. “Do I look like I’m kidding?” He moved his other hand to my hip and dragged me close. I felt his erection in his pants. Bile rose in my throat and panic stole my voice. “You’re really pretty hot. Peel away the hoodie and wow, smokin’ hot body. I never knew you were packin’ all that and now I want to see the rest of it.”

I forced my vocal cords to comply. “Shut up.”

Did he really think those were compliments? That girls wanted to hear his skeevy lines? Feel his disgusting boner? I cringed while his eyes roamed over my body. I gather the courage to knee him in the junk when someone came and pushed him aside. Thank god. I really didn’t want to see him cry over his broken balls.

“Beat it.” The voice came from the shadows.

Spencer hesitated, his jaw tensing. “Dude, mind your own fucking business.”

For the briefest of moments, I thought maybe the guy would listen. He would walk and I’d be left alone with this pervert. But a pale hand came down on Spencer’s shoulder and I blinked, recognizing those hands from countless days of passing notes and sharing assignments.

“Heaven is my fucking business.”

Spencer turned around, ready to fight, but he flinched, jerking his shoulder free. He’d just been caught hitting on a girl that came to the party with another guy, by that guy’s angry but completely loyal best friend. That’s who saved me.

Anderson Thompson.

“She’s not worth it anyway,” he muttered, pushing past Anderson. His words hit me like a slap and I watched dumbly as Anderson shoved him down the hall.

“Touch her again and I’ll break your fucking hands.”

Spencer flipped him off and vanished into the party.

The panic attack which had been rising since Spencer cornered me consumed me like a wave. Tears sprang to my eyes. Stupid. Fucking. Anxiety-driven tears. I wiped them with my sleeve and glanced away, unable to face Anderson, who had just done something incredibly brave and charming and made me feel mushy inside, but then I remembered something. He called me a whore. He’d been a dick all night. How dare he play the knight in shining armor?

“I didn’t really need your help, Thompson.” Which maybe would have been a convincing statement if I had not slurred my words in the process.

He snorted. “Of course not. I can’t image you would ever get in a situation you couldn’t get out of.”

“Shut up.”

“No,” he replied quietly. “I won’t.”

I quirked an eyebrow, or I tried to, anyway. My face was suddenly feeling numb. I hated him for being so right and so wrong at the same time. “You think you know me,” I said, “but you don’t.”

We stared at one another. Dangerous words hung on the tip of my loosened tongue, daring to spill out. I wanted to ask him why he was angry with me all the time. Why he couldn’t just accept me like the others. Why so hot and cold?

Before I could speak he said, “I think you’re better than all this.”

“You think I’m a whore. You think I’m trash.”

“No.” He shook his head and stepped away from his side of the hallway, closer to where I stood. “I don’t.”

“You don’t think I’m good enough for your friends, especially Jackson. You think I’m cheap and slutty and dress like a hooker.” I couldn’t stop. The verbal filter I’d tried so hard to keep on had loosened with eight shots of vodka-infused Jell-O.

“You have no idea what I think.” His words were quiet. Daring. And because I was drunk, I was willing to push this a little more.

“You never tell me,” I challenged, strong and forceful, but a wave of nausea passed over me and I tried to steady myself against the wall.

Anderson moved his arms to stabilize me because my legs were no longer working. “You okay?”

“I’m tired.”

He laughed. “I know. I think it’s time to go home.” He was using his body to keep me upright, pressing me against the wall. It felt really good to be so close to him.

I reached out and brushed my fingers through his hair. Jesus, I’ve wanted to do that forever. I pushed the long strands to the side and caught a glimpse of his apple-green eyes. My hand moved on its own, touching the scratchy stubble of his cheek. “Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you, Reeves.”

“Yes, you do.”

We stared at one another for a long moment.

“Come on, let’s go find Jackson.” He moved his arm around my waist.  I sunk into him for support and pressed my cheek in his chest. His T-shirt was so soft. I wanted to crawl into it and just sleep.

“I drank too much.”

“I think you did.”

“You smell good.”

His chest vibrated with laughter. “Thanks.”

Anderson dragged me down the hallway. I could hear Jackson’s booming laugh in the kitchen, followed by Oliver’s. I saw Jennifer whispering to Spencer and Spencer watching us. Amber and Benjamin were making out on a chair in the living room, oblivious to everything around them. Eric ran by with a towel on his back pinned like a cape and the music was so, so loud. Everything was loud and fuzzy and…

Anderson stopped and looked down at me with eyes as green and wobbly as lime Jell-O and lips way too pretty for a boy.

“Heaven?” His voice was a million miles away. Were we under water? “I really don’t hate you.”

The way he said it was sweet. And earnest. And totally genuine. Which was perfect. There was really only one thing I could do in a situation like this.

I was going to do it. I was going to tell him how I felt, except the instant I opened my mouth all the nerves and alcohol and drama came up in one swift wave.

I puked.

All over Anderson Thompson’s feet.

Chapter 11

Things I don’t remember from that night (but were relayed to me the next morning by Oliver):

●             Puking all over the front porch of the house.

●      Threatening to punch Spencer in the face (and taking a swing and missing)

●             Jackson carrying me to the car.

●             Anderson washing his shoes off with a hose.

●            Anderson pulling the car over so I could puke again and falling out of the still-moving car on my face.

●             Asking Anderson if he knew his eyes were the same color as lime Jell-O. (No, apparently he did not know this.)

●             Oliver and Jackson sneaking me up to my room so my mom didn’t catch me.

“I did not fall out of the car.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Oliver came back over around noon to check on me after my mom left for work. He found me moaning on the bed, eyes closed, willing myself not to get sick again. I watched as he got off the bed, closed my open laptop and plucked a hand mirror off my dresser. I grimaced when he held it up. Ouch. Road rash.

I gently touched the side of my face, feeling the scrape. “Why did you let me do that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Take this.” He handed me a bottle of water and some pills. I swallowed both and prayed that neither came back up.

“Well, that was embarrassing.” I looked for Oliver to agree but he had a weird expression on his face. “What?’

“Anything else?”

“Not that I saw, but really once you started hurling I tried to get out of the way.”

“Are you sure?” Oliver looked wary. I thought about my night. Talking to Jackson, swinging on the porch, going to the bathroom, Spencer, Anderson, puke. It was all there; fuzzy, but there.

“Yeah, babe, I promise.”

I raised an eyebrow. I liked it when he called me babe.

I leaned against the headboard. “Tell me what else I missed after I puked on Anderson’s shoes. Exactly how mad was he?”

“He wasn’t that mad. Promise.”

That didn’t seem right. “You sure?”

“Nope. Not even when you puked on his car.”

“I didn’t.” Oh my god. Horrified.

“You did. All over the side.”

I started laughing because, blech, how gross. “Good thing he already hates me.”

“Babe, no one hates you. Not even Anderson. Actually, he felt pretty awful. He had no idea how sick you were.” He watched me carefully. “He told me about Spencer. In the hallway.”

The overall memory was pretty fuzzy but the fear I felt with Spencer and Anderson’s protective nature wasn’t something I’d forgotten. “He defended me. I was pretty surprised, considering how he feels about me.”

“That’s not all he did,” he muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing. You need to take it easy.”

“I got drunk, Oliver, I’m not sick.” I sat up and grabbed his hand, threading my fingers through his. “What did you mean?”

“Well,” he said, watching me carefully, “after cleaning off his shoes and dropping you off, Anderson went back to the party to pick up Hayden, who got left in the shuffle. Spencer was on the porch, bragging about kissing you outside the hallway.”

My hand moved to my mouth. “He didn’t.”

He shook his head. “He did, because he’s a grade-A douchebag, but don’t worry. He won’t bother you again.”

“Okay,” I said, feeling something was missing. “Why won’t he bother me again?”

Oliver’s blue eyes hold mine and his jaw tics. “Because Anderson and Hayden kicked his ass.”

“What? Are they okay?”

He snorted. “Of course they’re okay. Spencer is the one in pain this morning. Well, other than you, obviously.”

“Oliver! You guys can’t go around beating up guys who flirt with me.”

He stopped cold. “That wasn’t flirting, Heaven. He was harassing you. Don’t mix the two up.”

I knew he was right but I still felt weird about it. I was knowingly using my body to get attention but then got upset when someone I hated noticed? Wasn’t that hypocritical? My head was so confused, not to mention pounding from the hangover. I leaned into his shoulder and he wrapped his strong arms around me.

“Thanks for having my back all the time. I don’t mean to be so high maintenance.”

He lifted my chin and kissed me on the lips, soft and sweet. It made me think of the passionate kiss I shared with Jackson the night before. These boys are so close yet so different and I’m lucky they opened their circle for me to join.

“You feeling up to going out later?”

I groaned. “Will it require me doing much more than sitting around, eating French fries, and drinking a diet Coke?”

He laughed and shook his head. “Interestingly enough, those are the only three things it does require.”

“Good, then I’m free.” I smiled, wondering what he had in store.

*

Three hours later, I’m bundled in a warm winter coat, fur-lined boots, and sitting on the cold metal bleachers at the school soccer field. A red and black plaid blanket is spread over me, Jackson, and Oliver. My empty bag of fries and the remains of my large Coke sat a few feet away. I felt better. Well, enough not to barf all over the place anymore.

Hayden had a game and it was tradition for the guys to go support him. This was reciprocated across all their activities and now that they’d welcomed me into the group, I had to add cheerleader to my new life.

To make things more interesting, Allendale was playing their biggest rival, Oceanside. I recognized more than a few faces on the field. Just after halftime, Allendale was down by one and the energy of the crowd grew more antsy by the minute. A few spectators near the field shouted at the referee.

“What are they so mad about?” I asked.

“Oceanside should be winning by a much bigger score,” Jackson said from my left. His leg was pressed against mine, his hand on my thigh. Oliver sat on the other side but held my freezing hand beneath the blanket. It was nearly impossible to get cold near these two. “But Hayden is killing it out there. Go Hayden! Keep it up!”

I’d never been a huge soccer fan, but up in those bleachers there was no way to keep my eyes off of Hayden. He played goalie; something I only vaguely understood meant keeping the ball out of the goal. He occupied the goal with physical dominance; his body the perfect mixture of height, size, and agility. Oceanside’s forwards pummeled him with shots, over and over, and he stopped each and every one.

“He’s really good, isn’t he?” I asked, watching him fly through the air, catch a fast-moving ball and land hard on the ground.

“Amazing,” Oliver said. “Everyone thought he was going to stick with football but he’s just too good. Scouts have been coming to games for a while.”

Hayden shouted to his teammates, taking command of the field. He pulled his arm back and hurled the ball down the sideline, channeling it directly to our forward, Garrett, who made a break toward the opposite end of the field. Garret expertly handled the ball, crossing it over to the other forward, Parker Haynes, who tapped it in the goal like it was the easiest thing ever.

“Goooooooooaaaaaaallllllll!” Both Oliver and Jackson stood up, yanking me with them to cheer for the team. I’m embraced in celebratory hugs, wondering why I never came to these games before. Oh wait, I didn’t have two amazing guys to keep me warm, that’s why.

“I can’t believe Anderson is missing this,” Oliver said.

“Where is he?” I asked without thinking. Jackson’s annoyed look was all I needed to know. He wasn’t here because of me. “Oh right.”

“Babe, please understand this is not about you. It’s about him and his stubborn, pain-in-the-ass self. He’s being an idiot.”

“But he should be here for his friend.”

Oliver shook his head. “Trust me, Hayden would much rather you be here than Anderson.” I doubted that but I asked why anyway. “Look, Hayden is an amazing player. Like I said, scouts have been following him around for months, but this?” he said pointing to the field. “He’s not performing like an Olympic gold medalist for the scouts. That’s all for you.”

My eyes darted to the field where Hayden stood at the end of the field, completely in control. “Me?”

“He’s a fucking show-off,” Jackson laughed, squeezing my leg under the blanket.

“And you’re definitely good luck,” Oliver agreed. They both have an eye on the field and forget me once the ball is back in play. Oceanside gets a breakaway; one forward barreling down on the field with the ball. There’s nothing between him and Hayden, all of the defenders chasing him down but there’s no way, not a chance they’ll catch him.

Hayden shifted, bending his knees to get in position, eyes narrowed in full concentration. If he heard the crowd screaming, cheering, panicking, I’d never know it. He waited…knee bouncing, hands raised until the forward shot the ball with lightning speed at the net. Hayden moved in time, diving to the ball. I covered my mouth, there was no way he could stop it. Too low, too fast, too accurate. Jackson gripped my leg so hard I thought it would bruise and I watched, fascinated when Hayden twisted his body an inch and elongated his fingers, making contact with the bare edge of the ball.

That was all he needed—all it took—to nudge the ball off course. It spun, careening off the field and Hayden slid across the field, through the mud and crashing into the goal post.

“Oh my god,” I shouted, unable to keep my eyes off of him. He didn’t move. Oliver and Jackson stopped breathing. His teammates ran over, falling to their knees. It took everything I had in me not to run over, too.

A second passed. Then another, and just when I thought I’d crawl out of my skin, Hayden sat up, face covered in dirt, and smiled in our direction, both thumbs up. The crowd reacted like animals, screaming and stomping on the bleachers.

“That was amazing,” I said, my voice dwarfed by the crowd.

“That,” Oliver said, tugging me into a hug, “was Hayden Perkins. And the only thing you ever need to know is to never, ever underestimate him.”

*

As an introvert, I never dreamed my life could change this much. I took one risk, helping a friend with a stupid favor, and although it turned my life upside down in some shitty ways, it also opened me up to so much more. I no longer sat alone at lunch. I had people to talk to in the hall. A ride to school. Invited to parties, and now I stood on the bleachers cheering on the school’s best athlete surrounded by two amazing guys.

After his amazing save and terrifying fall, Hayden got back up and the team managed to pull a devastating upset, scoring in the last minute to win the game. My eyes bulged watching him run down the field, stripping off his shirt and piling on his teammates to celebrate their victory. The lines of his body were god-like; muscular and lean. My heart skipped a beat when he turned and looked up at us, taking off at a run up the stadium steps before attacking his best friends. I stood awkwardly on the side, hands shoved in my big coat, watching with a smile. They were adorable.

And Hayden? Absolutely gorgeous.

If I thought I’d be left out of the excitement I was wrong, because a moment later, Hayden released Jackson and lunged for me.

“Congratulations,” I told him, feeling the pounding of his bare chest. His skin was still overheated and he smelled like sweat, dirt, and victory. I inhaled, intoxicated.

“Thanks for coming,” he said with a quiet smile. “It means a lot.”

The statement was surreal. There was a full stadium of fans there just to watch Hayden. A dozen girls hovering around to congratulate him. Scouts. Coaches. The other team.

But he didn’t notice them. His eyes were glued to mine and his hands clung to my back and the same sort of shift that had taken place between me and Oliver in my bedroom and me and Jackson at the party took place on the metal bleachers.

After a shower and change, Oliver drove us in his Mustang across town to Dad’s Diner because they were “starving,” and needed fuel. With Hayden’s fingers linked with mine, he led me to their favorite booth, the circular one in the corner, and we piled in.

Anderson’s absence was noted. He was texted. He was cursed. Then it was decided he was a loser for not coming and the food arrived at the table and he was forgotten, at least for the moment.

Already full on fries and coke, I only got a piece of pie, but the boys? They made up for my lack of eating with massive plates of hamburgers, fries, pies, and ice cream. They laughed and joked with one another, threw fries, guzzled drinks, and celebrated Hayden’s win.

Despite my pleasure of simply being with them, I couldn’t help but feel hyper-aware that from the outside it looked like the price for my inclusion in this group was my body. The only consolation was that I knew the truth. They’d asked me for nothing. And that was sexier than any pick-up line tossed at me over the past few weeks.

“There’s no way you can beat me,” Oliver said, rolling his eyes.

Jackson scoffed. “Dude, classic Ms. Pac-Man is my jam.”

“Your jam?”

“Yeah, my jam. Don’t mock my choice of lingo—or my favorite game.”

Oliver eyed him. “I’ll bet you a milkshake I can beat your high score.”

Jackson shook his head. “Foolish bet, my friend.”

I stared at the two of them in disbelief. I finally got a seat at the exclusive table of the Allendale Four and this was the topic of conversation. Ms. Pac-Man? I glanced at Hayden and he smiled at their nonsense and shrugged.

Oliver stood, stretching and flexing his fingers. “Excuse me, Heaven, I’ve got a bet to settle.”

“Don’t worry, babe,” Jackson said, kissing me on the cheek and then standing himself. “This won’t take long.”

The two moved to the back of the diner, toward the video games, roughhousing along the way. At this point the diner was basically empty, just the cook and waitress working behind the counter.

I watched the boys go and raised an eyebrow. “This happen often?”

Hayden rubbed his face. “Every freaking time.”

He took the opportunity to slide a little closer and threw an arm over my shoulder. He looked at my plate. “How’s the pie?”

“Good.” I licked my fork. “Want to try a bite?”

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask.”

The implication in his voice was heavy, flirty, and having the full weight of Hayden’s attention was a lot to handle. With the others there was something light—even the years-long jabs between Anderson and I—but Hayden, he was different. I felt it in my soul.

I scooped up a heaping forkful of cherry and crust and lifted it to his mouth. It hovered near his pink lips, which were twisted in a sexy smirk until he opened up.

I always, always, thought the whole feeding someone thing was lame. In movies, commercials, books…but holy shit, watching Hayden slowly chew while a small piece of flakey crust stuck to his bottom lip, did. Things. To. Me.

“Uh…” I started, at a complete loss for real words. I swallowed and pointed to his mouth. “You, uh…”

He touched his lip, then flicks his tongue out, swiping at the crust. It didn’t budge, stuck with the gooey sugar of the filling. “Got it?” he asked, his eyes twinkling.

“Well…” I leaned forward and his hand slid down around my waist. My eyes were zeroed in on his mouth, the sugar, the soft pink of his lips. The world fell away from us; the diner, the waiter, the sound of the video games in the back, and I fell into him, kissing the crust off his lip.

He reacted instantly, moving his hands to my face. I tasted the sugar on his mouth, the hunger of more basic, primal desires. My heart pounded with excitement—exhilaration—I was kissing Hayden Perkins and damn, he was kissing me back.

There was no doubt he liked it. That he liked me and with the pie, and the game, and the others forgotten, Hayden and I slowly, seductively, got to know one another a little better.

Chapter 12

Monday started with a burst of Fakestagram notifications followed by a flurry of new photos. This time they had a theme. Heaven dresses like a tramp.

The first photo had Ben and me by my locker, talking, and it would have looked normal except for my impressive cleavage, accentuated by the angle of the camera. Across the bottom was the hashtag, #desperate and #tramp.

More followed; close-ups of my legs, my ass, my lips.

The intimacy gave me the chills, but it didn’t make me back off my resolve. This attitude was their problem, not mine, and I wouldn’t let them push me into hiding.

Not again.

I could admit it. Even though I’d moved past the need to prove something to the school, I liked this new look. I liked the way my boys’ eyes lit up when I walked down the hall. They liked me with puke in my hair or hungover at a soccer game wrapped in a heavy coat. They definitely approved when I was dressed to the nines.

Poor Ben though, his eyes were glued to the swell of my breasts like a deer in headlights. These things were getting me into all kinds of trouble.

It was old news between me and Amber but that didn’t stop her from giving me the stink eye on my way into school, or Jennifer from calling me names in the hall. I could tell Jackson was getting pissed but I told him to roll with it. I did. I had bigger issues to deal with than jealous girls—the online bullying. It scared me. He threw a stiff arm around my shoulder and a possessive glare set in his eyes. It was enough to make people keep their distance.

“Who do you think is taking and posting these pictures?” he asked, steering me toward class.

I shook my head. “I don’t know. It could be anyone around here. I’m not really sure what the point is. It’s not like I’m hiding anything.”

In Chemistry, seeing Anderson for the first time since the party prompted me to slide a piece of paper across our work table to him.

He held the paper between two very pretty fingers without opening it. “What’s this?”

“Just read it.”

“Why?”

“Oh my god. Just. Read. It.” He didn’t look convinced. Maybe he thought there was puke on it. I ground my teeth and said, “Please."

He opened it and laid it flat on the table. I closed my eyes and dropped my head into my arms.

Dear Anderson,

I apologize for puking on your shoes.

And your car.

And anywhere else you may have had the unfortunate opportunity to see.

Heaven

I heard the crinkle of the paper as he refolded it and waited, scared to look up.

“Reeves.”

“What?” My words were muffled because I was still face down on the table.

“I accept your apology.”

I opened an eye and looked at him. His expression was clear. He even had a bit of a smile on his pretty little mouth. “Really?”

“Yes.”

I sighed in relief. “Good.”

He seemed awfully amused by my humiliation, but I let it slide due to the circumstances.

“I’m sorry you got so sick.”

“Ugh, me too.”

Then he reached a finger out to touch my cheek. “Ouch.”

I rolled my eyes. At myself, of course, because of the flutter rolling around in my stomach from his finger on my skin was enough rock me like an earthquake. “Apparently, I fell out of the car.”

“I tried to stop. You opened the door before I pulled all the way over.”

“I heard. I don’t really remember much.”

A tiny smile tugged at his lips. “For what it’s worth, I’m kind of happy you puked all over my feet.”

I sat up and stared at him. “Umm…what?”

He ran a hand through his hair and grimaced. “Before I found you back by the bathroom with Spencer, Jennifer had been trying to get me to give her a ride home. You scared her off.”

“Vomit shoes or Jennifer Stevens.” I made a motion between my hands like I was weighing the options. “Vomit shoes every time.”

“No other option, really,” he laughed and opened his book as Mr. Baker started class. And like that, Anderson and I were back on solid(ish) ground. I wanted to thank him for more than just the apology. For defending me with Spencer. For going back and beating him up, but I didn’t want to blow the small amount of progress we’d made. Who knew puking on the guy you liked could bring you closer? I suspected it would only work with one guy. A freak like Anderson Thompson.

*

After my note of apology and Anderson’s acceptance, things were generally less tense. I couldn’t deny, though, that there was a block of sorts between us, and as time passed I realized exactly what was causing the awkwardness.

The Allendale Four. Or three.

Post-vomitous-party, my life changed. My social life, that is. Jackson, Oliver, and Hayden stuck close to me at school, meeting me at my car, hovering at my locker, sitting next to me at lunch. It was like we were dating...but not. Not that I had a lot of experience, but our relationship seemed to be crossing over into some kind of unknown territory. Can one girl date three guys? A month ago, I would have said no. But now? Things were getting interesting, even if one of the members of the circle had an attitude problem.

The rest of the school watched us closely but kept their mouths shut. Everyone knew what happened to Spencer at the party. They saw his busted lip and the way he kept his eyes diverted anytime any of us were around. But that didn’t stop the rumors from flying or the anonymous Fakestagram page from posting photos of me non-stop. I pretended like I didn’t care about the harassment but the boys knew. They saw the dark rings under my eyes and more than once Oliver checked my arms for new cuts. It made me feel stupid. And incredibly, overwhelmingly, loved.

Anxiety could be so conflicting and complicated.

“Can I ask you two something?” Oliver and Jackson are sitting with me one day at lunch. We were sitting in a tight cluster, alone for a minute. Hayden was in study hall and Anderson was buying a Coke out of the machine across the cafeteria. He’d slung his leather jacket on the chair across from us, holding his spot. Jackson had piles of food in front of him and I watched with fascination as he crammed four Oreos in his mouth at once.

“Sure?” He mumbled around all the chocolate.

Oliver nodded through a bite of sandwich.

“This,” I said, gesturing between us. “What exactly does this mean to you? I’ve kissed you both and Hayden. You all seem okay with it, well most of you, at least.” I glanced over my shoulder at Anderson, who was fighting with the machine. “Swallow before you answer, please.”

Jackson chewed for a minute, swallowed, and took a giant gulp of his drink. His Adam’s apple bobbed in response. I couldn’t decide if I should be disturbed or turned on by his behavior. His eyes darted quickly to Oliver’s but his following question was to me, “Do you really not know?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I really don’t. Is this something you’ve done before?”

“You know we don’t let people into the group, Heaven. You’re the first.”

I scoffed. “Don’t pretend like I’m your first. You know your first…”

Jackson reached over and takes my hand under the table. “You’re the first where it matters, babe.”

“But the sharing. Is it weird?”

“We’ve always shared everything, which is why we’ve never dated much. Girls got in the way of our friendship, but you…you’re the perfect fit,” Oliver explains.

My eyes flicked to Anderson, who was still in some sort of struggle with the soda machine. He was jabbing the buttons to no avail, running one hand through his hair, making it more and more feral with agitation. He was so pretty. “But what about…”

“He’ll come around. I told you that.”

“And Hayden?” They’d walked in on us after declaring their Ms. Pac-Man tournament a tie. Neither seemed phased by our red lips and flushed faces.

Now, they shared another look and laughed. Jackson shook his head and took another bite of cookie. “Don’t worry about Hayden. He’s all in. Honestly, this was all his idea.”

I frowned. “Really?”

“There was a universal attraction to you, Heaven, but nothing splits us apart. Nothing. So coming to an agreement was the only solution,” Jackson said.

“I’m telling you, we’re in this together. Despite one of us being a bit of a baby.” Oliver’s eyes darted over my shoulder and he popped one of Jackson’s cookies into his mouth. His big hand squeezed my knee under the table, sending a jolt of electricity up my leg.

When Anderson reached the table, he pulled his chair out with a loud scrape across the linoleum floor. He placed his bottle of Coke on the table and then a second one in front of me. “The machine gave me two.”

“Umm, thanks.”

“No big.” He took out his own lunch, dumping it out of his bag and on the table in the same fashion Jackson had. He fished out a sandwich and ate half of it in one bite. “We need to figure out when to meet for our project.”

Mr. Baker had announced a joint project due in two weeks during our last class. The kind of project that required meeting outside of school with your partner. There was definitely an awkward moment between the two of us during class when we realized we’d have to actually spend time together—alone.

“We can meet at my house,” I offered.

His eyes flashed around the table. “Maybe the library?”

"The library.”

He wasn't looking at me. His eyes were focused on opening a package of chips. "It's...easier."

Right. Because I was a skank who he didn’t want to be left alone with. I may sully his reputation. I’d probably jump him the minute he came to my house, even though I was involved with his best friends. Okay, maybe not the best use of mental sarcasm.

I tried to swallow my anger, but I knew my expression betrayed me. Jackson must have seen it, too, because his protective hand was on my back immediately. “I’ve got some studying to do also. We can meet Anderson at the library together.”

Anderson nodded and I agreed, but I felt sick. I thought we had made progress. I thought we were friends. He told me he didn’t think of me that way—like a whore—but he obviously didn’t trust me. Appropriately, his head was still down, refusing to meet my eye.  He knew he was an ass. Jackson and Oliver knew it, too, and without offering an excuse, I gathered my things and left the table.

Chapter 13

Even with Anderson acting like a weirdo, I decided I wasn’t going to make a big deal about doing this assignment. I’d take the high road. Of course, this attitude was within reason, my reason, and I had definite plans to make him squirm.

My version of the high road included my signature outfits that, despite his protests, I knew he liked. Over the course of a week during our after-school library meetings, I managed to flash more of my legs, ass, and chest than anyone would possibly want to see. My methods were fair, though, because every day Jackson and Anderson arrived freshly showered, smelling like soap and whatever delicious-smelling cologne they slathered on their bodies that made me insane. Have you ever smelled a squeaky-clean boy? It was all I could do not to shove my face in both of their chests and huff the two of them in the middle of the public library.

So right. Fair play.

Each day, Jackson left for his own corner to ”study”. I was pretty sure he was just watching videos on his phone. I thought Anderson would relax with Jackson around to chaperone our study dates, but he didn’t. Our meetings were filled with a heightened tension.  At first, I thought it was just his general dumbassery and hostile demeanor, but as the days progressed I realized it was something else. There was an internal struggle going on with him, and as much as he hated it, the reason became perfectly clear: Anderson Thompson wanted me.

This whole time I thought he hated me. I thought I repulsed him. I was totally fucking wrong.

I knew this because of the way he stared at me when I wasn’t looking. I knew because of the way he glanced at the ignorant figure of his best friend with guilt in his eyes. I knew because he came up with fake reasons to touch me, or get close to me, or move near me. I knew because every time he did one of these things he grimaced and frowned and refused to look at me for the next ten minutes—until he caved again. I knew, because if I learned one thing in this stupid game I was playing, it was that boys were weak at the sight of a nice set of tits and mine were spectacular.

What I didn’t know was how he wanted me. Did he think I was a cheap and easy conquest? Could he just not keep his eyes off my rack? I wanted to ask, but I was caught in such a complicated situation with three other guys—his three best friends—that I didn’t see an easy way out. So instead, I continued, pushing and pushing until one of us was forced to break.

*

Even though it was the weekend, we agreed to meet Sunday afternoon for the final review of our project. Jackson picked me up and I was barely in the car when I felt him surveying my outfit. I couldn’t blame him. I was wearing a low-cut, black, sheer shirt that—with the assistance of a push-up bra—left either too little to the imagination or too much. The lace edge of my bra was visible at the top of my shirt. Extra revealing. Extra effect. Make no mistake, after a week of playing cat and mouse, I was going for the kill. The entire outfit was inappropriate for the library, but I had a goal to make Anderson melt into a puddle when he saw me, and if Jackson’s response was any indication, this would be easy to accomplish.

“Why do I have the feeling you’re not wearing that for me?” he asked after I buckled my seat belt. I tried to ignore his blue eyes bulging out at my chest. His jaw dropped too.

I leaned over and kissed him, feeling the quick sweep of his tongue. His hand grazed the underside of my breast and I felt the shock of arousal throughout my entire body. He smiled lazily when we parted.

“It’s not that I didn’t wear it for you. I mean, not when you kiss me like that, but yeah, I’m still trying to get a rise out of Anderson.”

Jackson’s blonde eyebrows shot up. “Oh, trust me, he’ll get a rise alright. He probably already jerked off three times before leaving for the library just to get through it.”

“Jax!” I slapped him on the arm. I didn’t want to think about Anderson doing that…well, until I did think about him doing that and the image was a little more enticing than I thought. “You guys really do it that much?”

He stared at me and slowly nodded his head. “You have no idea. And with you walking around like that all the time? It’s increased ten-fold.”

“Ohmygod.”

My face burned like a bonfire but at the same time the information was flattering. These guys thought about me all the time. Even Anderson. Truth be told, I thought about them a lot more when I was alone too.

My cheeks burned hotter and I shifted in my seat, busying myself with searching in my bag for my project outline. When I looked up, he was staring at my boobs again.

“Jackson!”

“I’m serious, Heaven. Those things are lethal. You’re lethal.” He turned into the parking lot of the library and found a spot easily. “You’re gonna kill him, you know.”

I unlatched my seat belt and adjusted my shirt. We were acknowledging this. Good. “I know. He has it coming.”

“I don’t know...”

“He does. He thinks I’m trashy and obviously nothing will change his mind. I may as well make him sweat.” I was being petty. Stupid. I knew it, but at the same time, so was Anderson. He was either my friend or not, and this thing between me and the guys…well they were all in or it didn’t work. The judgments needed to go. “I don’t expect you to side with me over him, but his little game of hot and cold is growing thin.” I opened the door, stood up, and straightened my coat. I pointed to my chest. “This is payback.”

Jackson closed his door and slung his backpack over his shoulder. We walked together into the building, where the instant we were inside he said, “I’ll be over there,” pointing to a group of comfortable chairs. “Be gentle with him, okay?”

I rolled my eyes and looked around the massive room. Finally, I spotted Anderson, busily writing into our lab journal at a table on the opposite side of the building. Turning my attention away from Jackson and onto Anderson, I took in his tight, black t-shirt, and the way it strained against the wide expanse of his shoulders. I gathered my resolve and walked over.

“Hi,” I said, dropping my book bag and pulling out a chair across from him.

“Hey,” he said looking around. “Where’s Jackson?”

“Over there.” We both looked over at him sitting with his legs propped on a coffee table, feet tapping in rhythm to whatever music played on his iPod. I glanced back at Anderson, noting the obvious frown on his face when he realized he was left alone with me. Yep. I was so making him pay.

Anderson went back to his work, absently sliding the lab report over to me. “I completed the first three questions.”

“Great.” I unbuttoned my coat before turning to hang it on the back of my chair. “Do you want me to work on the next three?”

“I, um, yeah, um...” I heard his pencil drop on the tabletop.

I steeled myself. I had gotten pretty comfortable with revealing my body over the last several weeks, but the look on Anderson’s face was enough to make me second-guess myself. Had I actually gone too far? He was completely flummoxed. I leaned over. “Questions four through seven?”

“Um,” His eyes darted from my chest back to his paper. “Yes.”

“Okay,” I said, arranging my books and paperwork. I made an exaggerated effort to lean on one elbow. We worked quietly for a while, only talking when we needed something from one another. Anderson was blatantly avoiding eye contact and struggling to focus on his paper—that was, until I caught him, jaw slack and staring.

“Is something wrong?” I asked innocently, twirling a piece of hair around my finger. Maybe.

He blinked. “Um...I think you may have the wrong formula for number five.”

“Really?” I asked. Because I was certain I didn’t.

He snatched the paper and busied himself reviewing it. “Oh, no. I guess not.”

“Sure?”

He glanced over at Jackson, who was still ignoring us, like he could save Anderson from being a bumbling idiot. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Good,” I said. “I’ll be over in the reference section. I’m missing something for question seven.” I stood and adjusted my boot on the seat. He didn’t even try to not look. Anderson had reached a point of no return. He couldn’t keep his eyes off my chest or ass or anything else. Too bad for him that he thought he was too good for me.

I walked away, stealing a glance before I slipped around the corner of the bookshelves and saw him drop his head to the table, taking a few deep breaths. Sucker. If he was going to make me feel like shit, then I was happy to make him feel shittier.

Ten minutes later, I found the book I wanted. I had just pulled it from the shelf when I felt him behind me. Close behind me.  I froze, trying to think of my next move. Should I get on my tip-toes and reach for a high book, exposing the skin around my waist? Should I pout and act confused—damsel in distress-y?

Before I could decide, he went on the attack.

“Why are you doing this? Dressing like this?”

“Why are you being such a dick?” I countered, feigning nonchalance. And then I felt it. His hand was on my hip and his chest was on my back. And it was just...whatthefuck?

“What are you doing?” I asked, pulling forward, only to feel his grip tighten.

“It’s not fair.” He said in a low voice. He sounded angry—no, distressed. “You doing this all the time and me...just resisting.”

I struggled and turned around. My face basically pressed against his chest, he was so close. When I looked up I could see a manic expression on his face. “What do you mean resisting?”

“I mean…” He looked around and his tongue darted out between his lips. “I just want...” And then he pushed my back against the hard shelf of books and kissed me. Hard. On the mouth. And because I’m a fool and have wanted him forever, I kissed him back, lacing my fingers through the short, soft hair on his neck. The kiss was desperate, needy, everything from weeks, months…no, years of pent up frustration. His hips slammed into mine and I held him there, feeling him—breathing hard, until the wave crashed and he slowed to a gentler pace. I felt his tongue touch against my own and it made my stomach burst into a million pieces. He tasted good and felt good and it was Anderson, the one just out of my reach.

When he stopped and pulled away, I kept my eyes closed because I wasn’t ready for it to be over. His forehead was pressed to mine and he spoke, weird and choked. “I’m sorry. That was...wrong.”

My eyes flew open and my fingers slid down his shoulders and clenched the front of his shirt. “No, it wasn’t.”

“I shouldn’t treat you like the others do.”

“The others?” I rambled, pushing closer. The look on his face said it all. “They said you were okay with it. You’d come around.” And his face dropped and too late, I slapped my hand over my mouth. It was the wrong thing to say. The worst thing to say.

“I can’t do this,” he said, pushing me away, leaving me breathing heavy in the stacks. I watched, horrified as he turned and walked down the aisle, hands balled into tight fists. His words hit like a load of bricks, because in his eyes told the truth. He wasn’t into this—into this thing we were doing. He wasn’t coming around and like always, I just made things worse.

A loud bang brought me out of the stacks and I saw Anderson running out the door. Jackson’s eyes met with mine and he shook his head, chasing after his friend. I wasn’t sure what happened just now but every fiber in my body was convinced I’d screwed up good. Familiar dread built in my chest, leading the way for the rush of anxiety to race through my limbs, shooting into my heart. Sweat beaded on my forehead and I reached futilely for something nearby to steady myself. Something to prop me up.

There was nothing.

No one.

I’d scared them all away.

My fingers slipped, knocking over books, but I kept grabbing, searching for whatever I could to stay upright but the fear was too much. My heart hurt—it cracked with one final glance at the door and I fell, succumbing to the painful, inevitable dark.

Chapter 14

The lighting of the room was the first giveaway that I wasn’t in my own bed. The smell—antiseptic combined with bleach—was the second. I turned my head and found my mom asleep in the hard chair crammed in the tight space between the window and the bed.

I looked down and saw the gown with tiny blue dots and the monitor strapped to my wrist. How did I get here? What happened?

“Heaven?” my mom called, and I turned back to face her.

“Hey Mom.” I touched the monitor. “What happened?”

“You tell me, sweetie.” She’d hopped out of her seat and was leaning over my body, brushing my hair out of my eyes. “You were at the library and passed out. The doctors think it was another anxiety attack.”

It wasn’t the first major one I’d had. There were a few right after Dad left. The fear of never seeing him again and moving to a new school was just too much. I dropped into the darkness of cutting. But that was a long time ago. I was better.

I glanced around the room, the sure sign that I was not better.

“I just got overwhelmed.” I remembered Anderson leaving—storming out of the library with Jackson hot on his heels. Of course, Jackson picked Anderson. And of course, Anderson wasn’t into this whole thing. Who would be? Dating four guys wasn’t possible even if we were a perfect match. It was disgusting. Gross. Deviant.

It was crazy. I was crazy, and when they’d left me, the idea of being alone almost killed me.

I picked at the tape on my wrist and swallowed my tears. I’d been a pro at hiding my emotions for so long, but then he boys had lulled me into a sense of comfort. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.

“I’ll call the school and make an appointment with your counselor. Lighten your load.” Mom smiled at me. She was always a fixer.

“Chem. With Mr. Baker, that’s the class I’d like to be removed from.”

Lines crossed her forehead. “Chemistry? That’s always been one of your best subjects.”

“Mom…”

“Right, sweetie. I understand.” A shadow crossed the window in the door and my mom glanced up. “Oh, you have a visitor. A few, actually. Jackson is here and that other boy that drove you to the party that night. You didn’t tell me you’d made other new friends.”

New friends. The word tasted bitter on my tongue.

“They’re just some boys from school—Jackson’s friends, really. It’s not a big deal.”

She gave me a weird look. “They’ve been out there since the ambulance got here. Prowling around out there like cats in a cage. I think you mean more to them than you realize.”

I looked at the ceiling, willing the tears not to fall.

“Tell them I’m fine.”

“Heaven…you know it’s okay to let people in.”

No. It wasn’t. It hurt too much.

“Tell them to go. I’m fine. They don’t need to worry about me.”

My mother, who was notorious for not always being around, who is flighty at times and a little clueless, knows me better than anyone. I waited while she chewed on her bottom lip, a sure sign she was worried. She started to walk but turned back around, placing her hands on her hips. “We’ve been through this before, Heaven. Isolating yourself isn’t the way to handle your anxiety. It makes it worse, making you lonely and depressed. Those boys out there? They care for you. I can see it on their faces, in the very fact they’ve asked me a million times for an update on your health. You can push them away if you want, but I’m not doing it for you.”

She squeezed my hand and walked out the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. It wasn’t three minutes later that I heard a scuffle outside the door and a brief argument that ended with the door swinging open, slamming into the wall. As much as I believed what I said to my mom, all of it fell apart when I saw Oliver standing in the doorway, eyes red with distress. He charged into the room, followed by Jackson and Hayden, all three surrounding me like an emotional blanket.

“Don’t do that again,” Oliver said, over and over, gripping my hand in his. He kissed my knuckles, my hand, my palm. “I almost lost my shit when I got the call. Absolutely terrified me.”

A gentle hand ran down my cheek and I looked up to find Jackson staring at me. He had a black eye and his knuckles were raw and split.

“What happened to you?”

“I fell face first into someone’s fist.” He pressed his fingers to my lips. “I went outside to deal with Anderson and when I came back you’d passed out. I called the ambulance and rode over with you. You scared me so bad.”

“I don’t remember the ambulance at all.” I searched my foggy memory. “You were there?”

“The whole time.”

Hayden squeezed past Jackson and bent over, kissing me on the forehead.  The look in his eye said he had more to say but not now. Later. In private.

Even with their size and presence, Anderson’s absence was a massive, unspoken elephant in the room.

I exhaled. “Where is he.”

“In the lobby.”

I looked at Jackson. “Did you talk to him?”

He glanced at his knuckles. “Or something.”

I sat up. “You beat him up?”

He pointed to his bruised eye. “Who did you think gave me this?”

I dropped my head into my hands. “God, everything is such a mess. It’s too hard. All of us. Way too fucking hard.”

Oliver laced his fingers through mine. “Don’t you dare say that, Heaven. None of us think it. What we have? It’s good. It’s good for you and all of us. Don’t doubt it.”

“What about Anderson? He’s your best friend. There’s no way you’d choose me over him. I won’t make you.”

The door swung open. We all looked over and my breath caught when I saw him in the doorway. His hair was highlighted by the fluorescent lights. It looked like he’d tugged and pulled at it for hours, making it stick up in a million directions. His green eyes connected with mine and after a long pause of heavy tension, I asked the others, “Can we have a minute alone?”

Anderson, never taking his eyes off mine, shook his head. “No, they stay.”

My heart ricocheted around my chest like a pinball in a machine, knowing what came next couldn’t be good. Only an executioner needed an audience.

Oliver’s hand tightened in my left hand, Jackson in my right. Hayden watched Anderson with narrowed, wary eyes. I knew for certain my heart couldn’t handle being broken again.

Anderson stood at the end of the bed, the shadowy light accentuating the dark rings under his eyes and the split, puffy lip.

“I’m so sorry, Heaven.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve been such a dick. These guys saved me when I got here and they mean everything to me. Adding in someone new? Someone like you? It scared the hell out of me.”

“What do you mean, someone like me?”

He shifted around the bed, like he wanted to get closer. Oliver released my hand and gave him room. I tilted my head to see him closer, only to have the urge to touch his lip and make it feel better.

“Dammit. It never comes out right. You’re smart, Heaven. Funny. Kind. Absolutely fucking beautiful. Why do you think I sit next to you every year in our one shared class? It was my only place to get close to you.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying, Anderson.”

He looked down, the tips of his ears turning red. “I’ve had a crush on you for a long time—longer than these fools know.”

“Oh, we knew,” Hayden said dryly. “She had your approval long before all this started. It’s why we knew she was the one.”

Anderson looked up in surprise. Jackson and Oliver nodded in agreement. “You knew.”

“Dude, everyone knew, you were the only one that wouldn’t take a chance so we took it for you and even then, you managed to fuck it up.”

The guys laughed, shaking their heads at their friend. I watched, incredulous as the whole thing fell into place.

“Jealousy almost ruined this for me--for us.” His hands clenched the railing on the bed. “I’ve been petty. Immature. I was afraid of losing them and the special relationship I had with you. It was so fucking hard seeing the guys at school look at you in those outfits. Seeing you exploited on that fake account ate me up. It made me so angry and insanely jealous. That was my skin they were looking at.” My stomach flip-flopped at his admission. “And then…when I saw the photos of you with Hayden and then Jackson—the closeness you had—the stubbornness keeping me from having it, too… I just lost my mind and took it out on you.”

“I don’t want to come between you guys. Ever.”

Anderson’s hand reached out and touched my chin, turning my skin to flames. “That’s the thing. You’re not. It’s the complete opposite. You’re bringing us together. You’re the bond we’ve been waiting for. They knew it all along, I was just too stupid to realize it.

His eyes burned into mine. “If you’ll forgive me, I promise things will be different. I’ll never act like a dick again.”

Jackson coughed and muttered “bullshit” under his breath.

Everyone stopped and stared at him. He shrugged and gave his heart-breaker smile.

Anderson rolled his eyes. “Fine, I promise to try my hardest not to act like a dick again, to you, especially.”

I inhaled, trying to process everything he just said. The crux of it all was that Anderson liked me—always had, and he is a jealous bastard—which was way hotter than I ever imagined. All that broody angst? That was jealousy. I lifted my hand and he took it in his. His skin was soft, except for similarly scraped knuckles to Jackson. I kissed the red welts. “I forgive you.”

“Yes!” Oliver fist pumped. Jackson smiled. Hayden gave me a wink.

“I’ll keep my promise if you’ll take care of yourself—stay healthy—deal?”

I nodded, feeling a little foolish I ever thought they’d leave me. Their presence is like a cloak, warm and secure. “Deal.”

A knock on the door interrupts us and the boys reluctantly drop my hands, taking a few steps back. Now isn’t the time to drop my relationship status on my mom, even if she had encouraged me to talk to them. In her eyes, they were friends and that was okay.

“We should go,” Oliver said. He took the risk to squeeze my foot as he passed the bed. Even in these circumstances, a shiver ran up my body at his touch.

“Thanks for coming to see Heaven,” my mother said, looking up at the tall boys. She was even shorter than I was, and seeing her dwarfed by their size was adorable. “Come by the house when we get home, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jackson drawled, winning her over for life.

The door shut behind them and a little bit of the light I’d felt left with them, but I felt different now. I knew where we all stood. Anderson, too. We could make this work.

“They really are sweet boys,” Mom declared, walking over to the bed and fussing with my blankets.

“Yeah,” I said, in full agreement. “They really are.”

Chapter 15

The doctor released me with directions to get some sleep and take a few days off school. There were signs of a slight concussion from hitting my head on the way to the floor.  It didn’t seem like a bad idea, because even though my mind and heart felt better, my body wanted rest and sleep.

Anxiety does that to a person, the build-up of stress and emotions, the physical pain and mental anguish. I was learning how to deal with it—the Allendale Four helped. Reclaiming my voice did, too. I liked the new me; the bold clothing and more socially active side. I just wished whoever had it out for me would back off. It wasn’t funny anymore.

I was propped on the couch obsessing over it, scrolling through the fake-account’s feed looking at a slew of new photos. The old ones were still up; me and Justin leaving the bedroom at the party. The day with Eric in the school parking lot—and later that week with Garrett in the coffee shop. Benjamin at my locker. After that it shifts to real moments, intimate ones between me and the boys. Me and Hayden in the smoking garden behind school. Jackson kissing me on the deck at the house party. Oliver holding my hand in the parking lot at school.

Whoever was doing this spent a lot of time documenting my life. Way too much time, and more and more it seemed less like an asshole getting his kicks but someone with serious problems.

The refrigerator door slammed and I jumped, having given myself a case of the willies. It was just my mom.

She walked in carrying a bowl of mint ice cream and handed it over. I shut off the photo app and tucked my phone under the cushion. “Thanks,” I said, taking the bowl and spoon. “So, when do you go in to work.”

“I asked Captain O’Neal for a few days off, he and Deputy Atkinson have things under control.”

I frowned. “What? No, Mom, we can’t afford that.”

She smoothed the blanket over my legs. “It’s fine. This is more important and I’m not leaving you alone right now.”

Guilt wracked me. There was no way we could afford for Mom to take a few days off work. She’d already taken one, and then the hospital bills. I inhaled and said, “What if someone else came over to hang out with me.” Truthfully, I didn’t want to be alone either.

“You mean one of those boys?” She laughed. “I’m not sure which of them has a crush on you or if it’s all of them, so no way.”

“You said they were sweet.”

“I don’t doubt they’re nice boys, Heaven, but they’re boys all the same. Now if you wanted to invite Justin over, that could maybe work.”

“Mom, Justin is also a boy.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know that, but he’s also Justin. You’ve known him since diapers.”

Mothers: not the sharpest tools in the box. She had no clue that Justin was why I was in such a mess these days, or ultimately the reason I had four new “sweet” boys following me around. But if it got her back to work, then I’d call him.

“Fine, let me contact him.” I pulled back out my phone, making sure she couldn’t see any photos. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen him.”

“You’ve been friends for a long time. It will be good to catch up.”

And awkward, I thought, sending a text instead. I didn’t go into detail, but Justin quickly agreed to come over and offered to spend the night. He knew the situation with my mom.

“He’ll be here in an hour.”

“Great,” her former tense expression broke into relief. “I’ll call Captain O’Neal.” She dropped a kiss on my forehead and left the room.

She was right. Justin and I needed to catch up. I just had to figure out exactly how much I was going to tell him.

*

The all-consuming bear hug Justin gave me when I answered the door a little while later felt good. Right. It had been way too long since we’d seen one another.

“Make her rest,” my mom said on her way out the door, after receiving her own hug. Justin frowned at the directive but simply nodded. “There’s lasagna in the fridge. I expect it to be gone when I get back home.”

“You got it, Ms. R.” His eyes brightened at the idea of food.

The door shut behind her and her truck sputtered to a start on the third crank. Justin studied me from the doorway. “What was that all about?”

“Thanks for coming over,” I said, heading back to the couch. I definitely felt a little woozy and my head hurt. “I had a little episode and Mom didn’t want to leave me alone.”

He sprang to life, following me to the couch and offering me his arm to ease down. “What kind of episode?”

I took a deep breath. “I had a pretty bad panic attack. I was at the library and just felt overwhelmed. I passed out—hit my head.”

His eyes widen and the line that appeared between his eyes when he was worried shows up. “Holy shit. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It was just the accumulation of some stuff. A big project, new friends, constant online bullying…”

He sat on the couch and dragged my legs over his. “I’ve seen the photos. I’m so sorry I got you into all this. I thought they would stop but…Heaven, who are all those guys?”

I pulled out my phone and opened the app. With my index finger I flipped through each one. “You—fake. Eric—fake, which you already knew because oh my god you never told me he was gay!”

“Sorry. Not my place.”

I huffed, knowing he was right. “Garrett fake. Ben fake.” My finger hovered over the next one. Hayden and I in the garden. I could still smell him; the sexy mixture of cologne and rain. I recalled the way his lips felt on my forehead.

“And this guy?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. “That’s Hayden Perkins, right? I played football against him. Big soccer star now?”

“Yeah, that’s Hayden.”

“You caught the attention of one of the Allendale Four. Impressive.” He peers at the photo. “Although in that outfit…damn, you look hot.”

I blushed at the compliment, even if it did come from Justin, and flipped through the others, my finger moving fast. I didn’t add any commentary. “You’ve kept up this charade for a long time. No wonder you’re exhausted. I never should have gotten you into this. It wasn’t worth it.”

I shifted uncomfortably. Justin’s request started all of this. Some of it was bad, but other parts? It changed me into a different—better—person. I wanted him to know that.

“Not all of those were fake,” I confessed.

His eyebrows shot up. “No?”

“No. I’ve met some really amazing guys. They mean a lot to me. That never would have happened if we didn’t fake having sex that night.”

His jaw ticked and his shoulders visibly tightened. “You’re saying they like you because of what they think happened to us?”

I shook my head. “No. No, absolutely not. There are some guys that did act that way and I’ve learned a lot about everyone at school. But not everyone is awful. These guys, they defended me. They’ve protected me from the slimeballs at school. The disgusting perverts like Spencer and Mark. They’re my…friends.”

“Are you sure? Because if they’re using you—or messing with you in any way, Heaven, I will tear them apart limb by limb.”

I touched his shoulder. “They’re not. I promise.”

He exhaled, calming a little. “Any idea who’s taking the photos?”

“No. It’s creepy as hell, too. They seem to be everywhere.” I’d been hesitant to use the word. “It’s like they’re stalking me.”

“Have you told your mom?”

“What? No. I can’t get her involved in this.”

Justin ran his hand through his black hair. “Sure you can. She works for the police. They’ll believe you.”

The thought of humiliating myself more didn’t sit well. I wanted my boys and some peace of mind. The look on Justin’s face was clear how he thought about it and to get him to chill I said, “I’ll think about it. For real.”

He relented and stood up. “I’m going to heat up the lasagna. You pick out a movie, okay?”

“Yep,” I said and he mussed my hair. Just like that, things were back to normal. I had my friend. I had the Allendale Four. Things were finally looking up.

Chapter 16

“Awkward” was the best word I could use to describe my return to school a few days later. Even after his declaration at the hospital, I dreaded seeing Anderson. In fact, I would have skipped the entire day if that stupid project wasn’t due. Which, by the way, was the only reason I was able to talk my mom out of changing my schedule. No reason to blow my grade now that things were under control, or at least that was my excuse.

There was a subtle shift after the hospital though. Jackson and Hayden arrived at my house, arranged by my mother, to pick me up for school. In the hallway Jax remained close, if not closer, asking me too many times about my head and if it hurt.

“I’m fine.”

“Just checking, babe.” He touched my head gently and kissed me on the temple. Okay, I didn’t mind a little extra TLC.

After stopping at my locker and ignoring the glares of Mallory and the other girls (get over it already?) I braced myself to see Anderson waiting, like always, in the hallway.

He wasn’t there.

“Where is he?” I asked as we neared their usual spot.

“Not sure, he was in Spanish.”

“Hm.”

“Your project is due today, right?” he said. He looked a little concerned. Anderson had become unpredictably predictable. Jackson stopped walking and narrowed his eyes. “I’m going to kill him if he bailed.”

“He’s still okay with everything, right?” The swelling on Jackson’s eye had gone down a little but the bruise was still dark purple.

“Yeah.” His eyes darted down the hallway. “I better run. You let me know if he doesn’t show.”

“I will.”

He kissed me on the lips, much to Mr. Baxter’s disapproving frown in the doorway, and disappeared down the hall.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure he’s just late or something,” I muttered under my breath, as I walked into the room. He wasn’t late, though. He was already at our lab table. I eyed him from the doorway. White t-shirt, navy blue hoodie and hair that looked like it just came out from under a cap of some kind. The corner of his mouth was still red from the fight with Jackson.

I took a deep breath and walked to my seat. I sat down and opened my bag, rummaging for my papers.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

I’d never been so nervous.

I handed my papers to him and we waited as Mr. Baker walked up and down the aisle, collecting the projects from each table. Once he retrieved ours and moved down the row, Anderson turned to face me. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Just a slight headache.”

He grimaced. “You sure you’re ready to be back at school.”

“I’m ready to not be trapped at home anymore.”

“Gotcha, well if you feel sick or woozy or anything, let me know.”

“Thanks, Anderson.” He flashed me a lopsided grin.

Wow. Okay, had things really changed? Anderson Thompson hands down was the most confusing boy I knew. Nothing he did made sense. Of course, not much I did made much sense either, so who was I to judge?

Mr. Baxter droned on and on and my eyes were glued to the minute hand on the clock above the door. Anderson sat still as a statue the entire class. Hands clenched on the table. He didn’t seem angry. Stressed? Tense? Maybe he just felt bad about what happened? I couldn’t deny part of me worried he wanted out of this relationship before it started. And if he left…

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Oliver and the others made it clear they weren’t leaving me. I was ruminating all of this when the bell rang. When I stood, I swayed, feeling lightheaded.

“Hey,” he said, easing me back in my seat. “You okay?”

“Just dizzy.”

“Heaven, concussions are no joke. Hayden had one last year. Took him weeks to get cleared to play again.”

I placed my hands on the table and stood. “No, I’m fine. Just a headrush.”

In the hall he said, “Do you want to go to the nurse?”

“Nope.”

A line of worry creased his forehead. “Can we at least go get some fresh air? I’m not comfortable leaving you.”

His tone. His body language. His everything told me he was serious about that and I didn’t want to leave him either. “Yeah, okay.” I agreed, following him down the hall.

Anderson led the way, and the cold, fresh air slapped my cheeks. When he turned I knew he didn’t get me out here because I felt sick. That was an excuse. One I could admit too, that I just wanted to be around him longer. That same look of worry he’d carried all morning still marred his pretty face and when he opened his mouth to speak, before he could say anything I blurted, “Look, I know this is weird…just if you’re going to get out of this just tell me straight up. I can handle it.”

I totally could not handle it.

Anderson stared at me for a moment, finally he said, “I shouldn’t have kissed you in the library like that.”

“What?” The memory of him kissing me was intense. Burned into my brain forever. His soft lips. His demanding tongue. The way his hand felt on my hip.

“You deserve better than that, Heaven. Not some clumsy grope between the stacks.”

Damn he was adorable.

“Anderson, don’t apologize for that. I wanted you to do it.”

“You did?”

“Anderson, I’d been throwing myself at you all week. Like, literally throwing myself at you. Did you see what I was wearing?”

He nodded slowly at the memory. It was a memorable outfit.

“I wore that for you. To get your attention.”

He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing and he licked the split in this lip. “You definitely had my attention. Long before that.”

I stepped closer, partially because of the cold but mostly because I wanted to be near him. He watched me carefully.

“We went over all of this at the library. You like me. I like you and yeah, I also like your friends. We fit. We can do this, but only if you want to.”

His voice is husky. “I want to.”

“Then take it from someone who excels in overthinking: stop overthinking.”

He grabbed my fingertips with his own. His skin was cold and rough, but flares of heat ran through my body anyway. I wasn’t prepared for what he said next. “I just want to kiss you again.”

Oh, man. My heart dropped to my feet. I wanted to kiss him, too. On his pretty, pink, chapped lips. I forced myself to speak. “Are you going to run away this time?”

He shook his head, slowly. Then he took another step forward so that I could feel his body next to mine. My hand was still wrapped in his, hanging between our bodies.

I tilted my head. “Promise?”

He answered with his lips, a kiss so deep, so intense I felt it in my very core. He grunted when I bit down on his wound, but he didn’t pull away. No, he yanked me closer and damn, it took forever to get Anderson to kiss me, but it was worth it.

Definitely worth it.

*

That night we agreed to meet as a group to make some decisions about how we wanted to proceed publicly with our relationship. Not just because of what people would think but because I had a stalker that just wouldn’t let it go and he was circling like a shark.

“I’m okay with whatever you want to do,” I told the boys. We’d gone straight from school over to Oliver’s house. It was the first time I’d been there but from the sound of things it was the typical hang-out for the guys. I was pretty excited to see it, but when Anderson finally pulled into the curved driveway I couldn’t stop staring.

The house was ridiculous. Massive and historic. The creeping sense of not belonging tickled my neck. I knew the Allendale Four lived in the nicer part of town. That Anderson’s parents were doctors. Oliver’s a professor at the small university nearby. Jackson and Hayden’s parents had jobs at the college as well and that was generally the line around here between the haves and have nots.

I stared at the house with massive white columns and a wide front porch. We definitely lived on different sides of the line and had I known, like really known, I would have been so horrified to have them in my tiny place.

“Oliver really lives here?” I asked Anderson once he’d opened the door and helped me out of the car.

“Technically,” he said, “he lives out back. Above the garage in an apartment.”

He took my hand and I followed him around the side of the house to a not-so-small building that looked like a smaller version of the house out front. He led me up the steps where Jackson stood, smiling down at me. Oliver waited in the doorway.

“Seriously,” I asked. “You parents let you stay out here alone?”

“Let?” Jackson said with a snort. “When his dad got remarried it was heavily suggested Oliver move out here.”

“How heavily?” I asked.

“I came home from school and all my stuff was on the steps.”

“Your dad tossed you out?” I was horrified. Things had been hard for me and my mom since Dad left, but I couldn’t imagine her abandoning me for another guy.

Oliver shrugged and pushed his hair out of his eyes. “My step-mom is a bitch. I like it up here.” He stepped aside, welcoming me inside. “Since my dad felt guilty about it he loaded it up with all the perks. Cable, wifi, stocked fridge…”

“He even has a cleaning lady,” Anderson said.

Hayden stood just inside, offering me a stomach-clenching wink. How does he do that? I step inside. “Wow.”

It was the most impressive apartment I’d ever seen. The main room was filled with giant couches and two leather recliners. A huge flat screen was mounted to the wall. A gaming system sat on the floor. At the back of the room I could see the small kitchen and two doors against the wall.

“Bathroom. Bedroom.” Oliver said, pointing to the doors. Jackson and Hayden made a beeline straight for the kitchen, pulling drinks out of the refrigerator and snacks from the cabinets.

I stood near one of the recliners, unsure what to do. They were all so comfortable here. I couldn’t even remember the last time I went to a friend’s house other than Justin. He’d freak if he saw how amazing this place was.

“Come on,” Anderson said, maybe sensing my self-consciousness. He touched my lower back and directed me to one of the comfy-looking couches. “Hey, let me get you a drink. Coke?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Again, I was alone even though the guys were bustling around the kitchen, talking smack about the day and just doing whatever it is they do. Again, I felt awkward on the couch but a moment later I’m surrounded, Hayden on one side and Anderson on the other. They sat close; their hips pressed against mine.

Bags of chips were opened. A Coke was pressed into my hand. Jackson reached for the game controller but Oliver shot him a look. “Business first.”

He groaned and dropped the controller on the ground. “Fine.”

“Dude!” Oliver said, staring at the ground. “You break it, you buy it.”

Jackson rolled his eyes. Cranky much? “Okay let’s do this.”

I’d never had a relationship meeting before. Okay well, Justin and I had a meeting of sorts about our fake-hookup and I guess Eric tried as well. Was that how all relationships are? Business arrangements?

My feet bounced with nerves and I couldn’t help but feel the heat coming off Hayden’s leg. He was always so laid back and when he ran his hand down my thigh, helping me settle, I leaned into his chest and exhaled.

Oliver cleared his throat. “Although Heaven has made it clear that she doesn’t care how we act with one another in public, with the stalker pics on Fakestagram and some of the other harassment at school, I think it may be best to downplay things some.”

“When we’re at school,” Anderson clarified. Unlike Hayden, his hands were in his lap.

“Right.”

“Why?” I asked. “It’s not going to make a difference. Whoever is doing this is intent on making me look bad. I don’t care anymore.”

The guys all shared a look—one I couldn’t quite place until Oliver spoke again. “After your trip the hospital we made a decision. You’re our biggest priority. We can take a back seat publicly until you’re better and until we flush this bastard out. No one wants to give you added stress.” His eyes held mine. “None of us want to go through that again.”

“I’m fine.”

Hayden’s hand clenched mine. “You are fine, babe, we just want to keep you that way.”

It was one thing to have someone sacrifice for you. It was another to have four. My heart pounded, but not with anxiety. No, this felt different. Alive. Hopeful.

“Then how do you want to do this?” I asked.

Anderson shifted next to me. “You’ve been seen most with Jackson. At school, the party, and the library. It makes the most sense for you to date him.”

Jackson gave me a quick wink and a sly grin.

“How about I just not have any boyfriend publicly.” Again, they looked at one another, this time bursting out in laughter. Hayden kissed my temple. “What? Why is that so funny?”

“There is no fucking way we’re letting you walk around town without at least one of us having a claim on you,” Jackson replied. My stomach turned into a wave of butterflies. “If you’re with me, it makes more sense for the others to hang around with you too.”

“People need to know you’re not available,” Anderson. “And less vulnerable.”

I nodded in understanding. They were right. I didn’t need to fight off the perverts anymore. “And the rest of the time?”

“We do we,” Hayden says, nose grazing my ear. It was a play off the popular saying “You do you.” It fit us perfectly.

“Okay,” I said. “As long as everyone is okay with it.” That statement is directed at Anderson. He’s the one prone to jealousy.

He nodded his agreement and even added, “I think it’s a good idea, Heaven. For you, the rest of us will cope.”

Jackson leaned down picked up the controller, this time getting a pass from Oliver, who’d moved to turn on the television. Anderson reached for his drink on the table and a bag of chips, leaning into the end of the couch. His leg was still pressed against mine.

The video game had half of Hayden’s attention while I had the rest, his hand running absently up and down my leg. I waited for something else—something to change, but it didn’t. Anderson offered me the bag of chips. I drank from my Coke. When Jackson kicked Oliver’s ass in whatever space exploration game they were playing, he hopped up, ran over and kissed me in victory with salty lips.

And like that we eased into a group. A unique but tight group. They were no longer the Allendale Four.

We were now the Allendale Five.

*

Turns out, all three of my new secret boyfriends really liked me being their dirty little secret. There was something about fooling the whole school into thinking one thing about me and Jackson when three entirely different relationships were going on right under their noses. The hardest was Anderson, who I spent an excruciating hour with every day, but couldn’t touch. The tension just built and built. Holycrap, it built.

The simple concept of his proximity made me simmer and burn, but I soon realized it was a straight boil for Anderson. That boy was hot for me and I liked it.

Which is why, right now, I wasn’t fighting off the advances of Anderson’s mouth and hands. Spending lunch with him, but not with him, was hard. Sitting through Chemistry where I could feel the heat roll off his body was harder. Randomly running into him at the coffee shop after school? Impossible to resist. So here we were, in the back hallway, going at it.

“Jackson’s waiting,” I breathed between kisses. The front of the shop was packed with students. Any one of them could walk back here without notice. It was unbelievably hot.

He licked my bottom lip. “He can wait.”

I smirked at his inconsiderate behavior. “I suppose he can.”

Anderson wove his fingers into my hair and kissed me again, this time pushing his tongue into my mouth. My back pressed against the wall. Good Lord. I always knew kissing Anderson Thompson would do me in, but I had no idea. Too many of my thoughts and actions became about him, being with him, and finding ways for his mouth to be attached to mine.

I’d learned a few things about my boys since we started hanging out more. Hayden was sweeter than anyone would ever know, his true personality hidden behind the size and strength of an impressive athlete. A beast on the field, commanding and sure, he changed when we were alone into something else.

Two nights ago, he showed up with a fresh slice of pie, this time feeding it to me. It quickly devolved from a snack into sticky kisses but they were the most sugary, delicious kisses I’d ever had.

Oliver was dependable. Genuine. He watched out for me and slid into the role of my bestie to make my mother comfortable. He made everyone comfortable and I’d learned to wear him like a soft blanket. A handsy-horny soft blanket. but he was so good for my anxiety. He got it, and me, like no one else had other than Justin.

Jackson? What you saw is what you got. Hot. Cocky. Incredibly skilled with his mouth and hands. Just seeing him made my skin itch. We were the “real” couple out and about and I got so used to him being there—being around—that it was easy to fall into the boyfriend-girlfriend thing with him. The two of us had it easier. We let a little of our tension out during the day. Played it up a little for the crowd and my stalker. It was delicious payback seeing Mallory and Jennifer’s faces turn green with envy when they caught us kissing in the small alcove outside the gym. And then, well, Jackson himself was icing on the cake. Getting a taste of him whenever I wanted? Perfection.

And then there was the guy whose mouth I was assaulting in the coffee shop hallway. Anderson. God. I’d waited years for this one and my patience was rewarded. His hips pressed into mine, his crotch hard. He was always hard when we were around one another. He barely hid it and the groans when we made out were a sign his patience was running thin.

That only made him hotter.

There was movement down the hall and Anderson gently pushed me away. Flushed, I heard the men’s room door swing open behind me as he made himself scarce. I nodded at the woman dragging her toddler to the ladies’ room, judgment for our PDA clear on her face, and made my way back to the table where Jackson thumbed his phone.

“What’s up?” I asked, reaching for my lukewarm cup of coffee I’d abandoned earlier.

He finished his text and placed the phone on the table. He took one look at my hair and face and rolled his eyes. He knew exactly what we’d been up to. “Making plans for us.”

I raised an eyebrow and felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. We had a group text.

“We’re going out next Saturday.”

I reached for the phone to find out what he was talking about. The coy, teasing grin playing on his lips made me nervous. “What are we going to do?”

He paused and looked over my shoulder. I turned and saw Ben smiling down at me.

“I just wanted to thank you,” he said, to my surprise.

“Oh, good. For...” I prodded. I had no idea what he was talking about.

“Amber got so pissed about me talking to you that day—about homework,” he rolled his eyes, “that she agreed to work things out and stop being so wishy-washy.”

I smiled. “That’s good news, Ben. I think she really cares for you.”

He beamed. “We’ll see you guys at the dance then, right?”

Huh? “Um, no, I don’t think so.” I glanced at Jackson but he was suddenly busy doing...well, nothing, but he wasn’t making eye contact with me.

“Too bad. Oh well, thanks again,” he said, and walked off.

I turned to face my him. “Dance?”

“Winter formal. Bad music? Stinky gym? Crepe paper from the ceiling? Girls in slutty dresses?” He said all of this in his casual sexy way. I stared at him blankly. “Heaven, there are posters all over the school.”

“So? I’ve been a little distracted, you know.”

He smirked, knowing he was one of the reasons for that.

Anderson chose this moment to return from the bathroom. I could see a faint pink mark on his neck. I felt a surge of power rush through me. I thought marking territory was a male thing. Seeing that mark made me want to make more. Anderson looked at me quizzically and sat down repeating, “So what?”

Jackson leaned closer to both of us. “So, I was just telling Heaven about how we’re going to the dance next week. Winter formal.”

Anderson leaned back in his seat and drank from his coffee cup. “Oh, that’s right.”

I looked between the two of them. “What? You’re okay with this?”

A hand squeezed my leg under the table. I had no idea who was doing the squeezing. “Sure. Who wouldn’t want to see you dressed up?”

I blushed. Charming bastard. “I don’t want to go with just one of you.”

“I don’t mind going stag.” Anderson nodded toward Jackson. “I’ve never taken a date before. We usually just go alone, hang out, party afterward. This year you can go with Jackson for appearances, but otherwise it’s no big deal. We’ll all be there.”

“Fine,” I said. “If this is what you guys want.”

I stood, going to the line to get a refill. A moment later, Anderson bumped my elbow. He leaned over and whispered, “Are you upset?”

The line moved and I moved with it, pushing my cup to the server. “Refill please.” I made sure no one from school was watching. “No. I’m just not big on dances, and I think it’s going to be hard with you all there and not being able to be myself all night.”

He looked over his shoulder at Jackson. “Welcome to my world.”

True. I picked my drink up off the counter.

“Don’t worry, though,” he said, low and a little threatening. In the best possible way. “I suspect we’ll all find ways to make the night special for you.”

My stomach turned inside out, not from his words but the look on his face. He looked hungry and horny and I felt like a lamb on the way to slaughter. I squelched my inner virgin and summoned my best, most confident, fake-experienced woman. “Promise?”

I was rewarded with a smirk. “Promise.”

Chapter 17

"Remember when you had that ripped Clemson T-shirt?"

I was lying on the floor of Thompson's living room, on my stomach. Our homework was spread between us. We used another joint assignment as an excuse to spend time together after school. This question took me by surprise. "Um...yeah? My cousin gave it to me."

"You wore it all the time. It was so threadbare. I sat one row over and two seats back from you in Mrs. Case's class. I could see your bra strap through the rip near your collar. I had dreams about that white cotton bra strap for months."

I looked at this boy-man lying across from me. Gorgeous and confident. He was always so smug. Right now, his green eyes sparkled every time he looked between the paper he was writing on and my face. Anderson just revealed he had been fantasizing about me for a really, really, really long time. "That was in the eighth grade."

"Yeah."

"You were thinking about my bra in the eighth grade?"

The tips of his ears tinged red. "Yeah."

"I, um..." I was speechless. Anderson pushed the books out of the way and tugged me to an upright position. He beckoned me with a finger and after I moved to him, he arranged me in between his legs. My back was to his chest and his was flush against the couch. His fingers pulled back the collar of my shirt and he ran a finger over the satin strap.

"Still hot."

"Really?" Genuine question. Boys are so weird. Walking around in sexy clothes I got. Bra straps and ratty shirts? Nope.

"Absolutely," he admitted. He was so honest. Always. I was nothing but. Having such intense anxiety made it hard to be truthful. I didn’t want to lie. It just seemed easier. He wasn’t done. "Although, I never knew your packaging would change so much."

I looked down at my tank top and short skirt. On the floor like this, the hem barely covered my ass. His lips were on my neck and my insides turned to mush. Burning, twisting, overwhelming mush. We rarely had time alone like this--most of our kisses and touches were on the sly. But Anderson's parents weren't home. Like that, unease mixed in with the hormones. I was still a virgin. Did he know that? Did he care? I eyed his mother's living room floor, wondering if this would be where I lost it. Surrounded by antiques on a soft gray carpet.

"Anderson," I started, "I, uh, oh, oh..." God, his mouth was amazing.

My heart was pounding so hard and I was pretty sure I could hear his, as well—feel it, rather—vibrating from his chest and then across my back. I felt Anderson move my hair and he placed another kiss on my neck, then nibbled and a lick.

“You taste so good.” His forehead fell against my back and he took the deep breath I knew meant he was trying to control himself.

Let go, I wanted to tell him. I’m ready.

“I thought seeing you with the others would make me mad,” he confessed. “Jealous, but watching you all week with Jackson? Knowing you were riding to school with Oliver—him seeing you first thing in the morning? Sneaking around for a brief moment with you? Goddamn it only made me want you more.”

We weren't facing each other, and in some ways, it made conversation easier. In other ways, I couldn't see his face, which made it hard to judge what he was saying. I had to trust his words. I stared at the soft, grayish carpet on the floor. Tidy and neat. I could see the lines from the vacuum cleaner around the edges of the room.

“Sounds to me like you’re a masochist. You could have had me a lot sooner, you know.”

"You're a pretty scary chick, Reeves. I never would’ve kissed you if Jackson hadn't made a move." His fingers trailed softly down my arms. "And like I said in the library, you were getting a little hard to resist."

"I was trying to make you crazy," I admitted.

"Mission accomplished."

I twisted around and climbed in his lap. Bad move. Now his super hard, very erect cock was pressed right against the thin material of my underpants. Right there. Holyfreakingboner. I thought kissing felt good. This was some kind of crazy mixture of pleasure/torture. "Oh,” I said, shifting against him. “Wow.”

His jaw tensed.

“Is this okay?” he asked quietly.

"More than okay.”

He slid a finger under the strap of my tank. "I'm not gonna lie. I want you."

I swallowed and said, "I won't lie and say I'm not worried it's all you guys want from me."

The worried line crossed his forehead. "You know that's not true."

I wanted to know it. So badly. I tried to lighten the mood. "Are you sure? This isn't just a way for you to fulfill some kind of perverted thirteen-year-old's fantasy?" I pushed him back playfully. I was joking, but the fear they wanted me only for sex lingered in the back of my anxiety-filled mind. My stalker pushed that narrative every day with a slew of manipulated photos.

His eyes narrowed. “You know that’s not how it is.”

I nodded. “It’s my brain. It just won’t stop sometimes.”

“Your brain is a bully.” He kissed my forehead, my nose and chin. “We agreed not to listen to bullies, didn’t we?”

“Yes”

“But if you’re worried, we take this slow, okay?”

I nodded, feeling a tinge of relief. Not because I didn’t trust him. I think…this stuff with Anderson, it was new. It took him so long to come around. I needed to be sure.

He ran his fingers down my neck. “Anyway, I’m holding out for the day you come back in that T-shirt. You still have it?”

“Yeah.” My answer came out breathy. Taking it slow may be harder than I thought.

“That’ll be our signal. You wear that and I’ll know you’re ready. Until then, we just get to know one another.”

“Deal,” I agreed, claiming his mouth with my own.

*

Twenty minutes later, I was still straddling him on the floor. My skirt was bunched to the top of my thighs and his fingers were pushed underneath. They never wandered too far but I wanted them to. So much. We were tongue-deep, kissing and sucking—licking mouths, necks, and any other available flesh. We were alone for the first time and Anderson's kisses were different, less frantic than when people could discover us at any moment. I liked both kinds. I liked the eager, hungry Anderson who pulled me into quiet alcoves for fast and furious make-out sessions, and this one as well. The one that took his time and made my blood simmer to a boil.

"Dude, have you seen..." I heard a voice declare from the doorway. "Holy...oops." This was followed by a giggle and Anderson's hands flew out from under my skirt and quickly pulled it down to cover my ass. I peeked over my shoulder and saw Oliver, keys dangling from a finger. His hair was damp from just getting out of the shower and I could smell the clean soapy smell from my spot on the floor.

My face burned, being caught so intimately. “Hey Oliver.”

He looked at his watch. “It’s uh, after five and I told you I’d pick you up but if you’re not ready…”

I slid off Anderson’s lap and he helped me up to the couch.

"No, I think we’re done here.” The hungry, pained look in Anderson’s eyes said otherwise. “Done with homework.”

“Right,” Oliver said. “I can come back?”

“Nah,” Anderson said, stacking our books and dividing out the papers that’d been spread all over the floor. “Swim practice starts in an hour, you know…”

“Yeah, gotcha.” Oliver winked.

Something passed between them I didn’t quite catch.

Grabbing my books from Anderson, I smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek. “See you tomorrow?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “ Yep.”

We left Anderson and his “problem” and headed to the driveway. The hunter green Mustang sat in the circular drive and Oliver held open the door for me. I hopped inside, taking the chance to look at myself in the mirror while he walked around. My hair was a mess, my lips red and swollen and my cheeks flushed. None of that had anything on the way my body ached at the moment. It was obvious that I left Anderson revved up and ready to go, but I felt the same. So much that it hurt.

I took a few breaths and smoothed out my hair, trying to get control of myself before Oliver got in the front seat.

“How was your practice?” I asked him.

“Hard. Cardio day. Coach was pissed after our last game so he took it out on everyone.” He and Jackson had baseball right after school. Anderson was in a competitive swim league over at the University. It started later in the day. Hayden spent his life working out, either on the soccer field or in the gym. I liked how athletic they were, but it took up a lot of their time. Luckily that just meant I got to have a little alone time with each of them while they were busy.

He started the car and linked his right hand with mine. I wondered if he could feel the heat on my skin. At the end of the driveway I asked, “What was that look between you and Anderson just now?”

He turned onto the main road and glanced over, confused. “What look?”

“Right before we left. You winked at him.”

He thought for a moment and then snorted with laughter. “Oh that.” He shook his head. “No big.”

“Then what? Was it about me?” I was genuinely curious.

Oliver fidgeted with the radio, settling on the classic rock station. “Uh, sort of, but really just a guy thing.” I pouted and pulled my hand away from his. “What? You’re gonna hold out on me because I won’t say?”

“You guys have so many inside jokes and little secrets. I just want to be part of it all.”

He rubbed his chin and then claimed my hand again.

“You really want to know?”

“Yeah.”

He stops the car at a red light and looked over at me. There’s a hint of amusement in his eyes. “Anderson needed a little extra time before swim to take care of some business.”

I frowned. “What kind of business?”

He glanced down, pointedly.

I stared at him blankly.

The light turned red and the car behind us honked twice.

“I’m going,” he muttered, eyes flicking to the rearview mirror. “Heaven, do you really not get where I’m going with this?” When I didn’t reply, he sighed and ran his hand over his face. “Anderson’s going to jerk off before swim. He couldn’t put on that little banana hammock he wears with the raging boner going on his pants.”

I sat back in the seat, both horrified and amazed. “He was going to masturbate?”

He smiled. “Yeah, babe.”

“Because of me?”

Oliver howled with laughter. “Fuck yeah, because of you.” His eyes skimmed my legs up to the high hem of my skirt. He rubbed my knuckles with his thumb. “Is that really so crazy?”

“It’s uh…” the flush that lingered from Anderson’s house intensifies. It’s a strange sensation…not embarrassment. Something else. Powerful. I felt powerful. “I never thought someone would feel that way about me.”

One-handed, Oliver jerked the car to the right, swinging into the parking lot of a park. The lot was empty, mostly there for people using the jogging trail. I held on to the door handle with my free hand and clasped Oliver’s with the other.

“What the heck?” I asked, feeling dizzy.

He shut off the ignition, the loud engine petering out. Music pounded in the speakers and when he looked at me, my breath caught. “Babe, you need to understand something. We all feel that way about you. It doesn’t matter if you’re in one of those tiny skirts or if your tits are pushed out. Flannel pajamas, ratty T-shirts, bed-head, hospital gowns…whatever the hell you’ve got on, you’re the fucking hottest, most beautiful, sexy woman any of us has ever encountered.” He lifted my hand and raised his eyebrow for permission. I nodded. With a gentleness I’d never experienced, he rested my hand between his legs. My fingers trembled at the size of the hard bulge. “That is what I struggle with all day. What Anderson is dealing with right now.”

That thought made my brain melt. Thinking about him doing that because of me. Feeling like that because of me.

“I’m eighteen. I can’t lie to you and say I don’t want you for your body, because I dream of the day we make love. I think about it all the damn time, but it’s not just sex,” he says, removing my hand and encasing it in both of his. “You’re fun. Sweet. Sarcastic. You’ve got a wicked sense of humor and are ridiculously smart. You turned our entire school on its head. That was epic. You’re epic.”

We stared at one another or a long moment, so much truth laid on the table. I felt like I needed to confess. “I struggle, too.”

“Excuse me?” I faced the window, feeling a wave of embarrassment. Did I just say that? He clamped his hand on my neck and turned me to face him. “What was that?”

“I struggle with all those feelings, too. You guys are ridiculously hot. You smell so good, like crack wrapped in a chocolate bar. You’re so sweet to me and have stuck by me through all this bullshit.” I reached for his shirt and lifted it, revealing his lean body and ladder of abs. “See? What is that, even? How does it happen.”

“Hard work and a lot of focus,” he laughed. “That’s what happens when you don’t have a girlfriend until you’re a senior in high school.”

I exhaled. “I appreciate you taking it slow and giving me space to get used to this and heal, but…”

“But what?”

“A girl has needs too.”

He bit his bottom lip, eyes growing a shade darker. “Tell me what you need, Heaven.”

I don’t say the words, but I do lean over the center of the car and kiss him, channeling everything that had built up over the last few weeks into an explosive moment. The car was cramped but it didn’t keep him from responding with his mouth and hands, fingers dipping gently under the short hem of my skirt.

I sucked on his tongue and spread my thighs. I didn’t know what to expect but it wasn’t the slow, laborious pace that he took. He moved with intent, dragging his fingers up and down the thin layer of cotton of my panties, sending jolting shocks of electricity through my body.

“Oh my god,” I breathed, wrapping my hands around his neck. Oliver’s moves were deliberate, controlled, and it drove me absolutely wild. I slid down the seat, skirt hiking up. I prayed no one drove by or came in to park. If he stopped, I thought I may die. Absolutely die.

His kisses slowed, moving at the same luxurious pace as his fingers. Every inch of my skin blazed with fire, an exposed nerve. Every pass of his fingers stoked the flame. I tried to hold myself upright, tried to maintain composure but I was consumed and melted into the seat, watching him as he lured me over the edge.

I thought he’d slip his fingers beneath my panties, I wanted him to, but he didn’t, just using the friction building between us. My skin prickled, my mind disconnected and my breathing, oh my god my breathing…it grew heavy and embarrassing, uncontrolled and real. I couldn’t stop myself now if I wanted to. I gripped the leather seats with both hands and fought against the relief I’d been craving for hours, days.

“Come for me, babe,” Oliver said with a soft kiss. “Let go.”

I blinked and looked into his blue eyes, his face shadowed by the lowering sun. He dropped his head, licking my lips, stealing my breath while breathing hard on his own, and finally…finally, I couldn’t hold back any longer, allowing the sweet release to wash over me in a shuddering, all-consuming wave.

I bucked against his fingers and grabbed his wrist as my body spasmed with ecstasy. I cried against his mouth and panted…damn I panted, riding the crest of the wave until I heard him groan next to me. Foggy-brained, I laid spent, washed out on the shore of my own epic orgasm.

Minutes passed as I regained my senses, and Oliver gently spread my skirt down, covering my wet, destroyed panties.

“Uh,” I said, smoothing the fabric. “Wow.”

“Tell me about it.”

I glanced at his crotch. “You okay? Like…I can…you know.”

He shook his head. “Too late for that, babe. Nature took its course.”

My eyes bulged when I comprehended what he was saying. “Oh. Gah. Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” he said, kissing me one more time. “That was about you, not me.”

I leaned my forehead into his, feeling my heart racing in my chest. The good kind of racing, the natural kind. Just like his hands, his mouth, it felt amazing.

Later, after we pulled into my driveway and I felt less frenzied, I leaned into the open car window. “Next time it’ll be about you,” I promised.

He smiled, wide and full of love. “Oh, don’t worry, I plan on getting my piece of Heaven soon.”

He reversed and shot down the street, the loud engine of the car echoing long after the tail lights disappeared.

Chapter 18

Despite all outward appearances of only having one boyfriend, my stalker didn’t stop. In fact, once me and the boys got in a good, easy rhythm with one another the photos escalated.

“I don’t get it,” Jackson said. It was 11 p.m. on a school night and we’re talking over a private chat group on the school-issued laptop. This had become a routine for us since everyone was busy and my mother was a little more hover-y than usual, post-panic attack. It was a nice way to say goodnight. It also didn’t hurt that half the time the boys were ready for bed, fresh from the shower and often shirtless.

As soon as the notifications started, Hayden linked us all up.

Jackson studied his phone, his jaw clenched, ticking with anger. “How come we never see this guy? He’s fucking everywhere.”

“Or girl,” Anderson adds.

“It’s a guy,” I said, having zero doubt about that.

“Maybe it’s a ghost.” Hayden shoved a piece of pizza in his mouth. “The kind on that show Heaven likes…the one with the hot dudes and the car.”

“It’s called Supernatural and it’s a classic. And if I’ve learned anything from that show, it’s that there has to be cold air and flickering lights for it to be a ghost.”

Everyone stared blankly into their screens, obviously at me and Hayden. What? I’d shared my love of Dean, Sam, and Cas with him. I had no shame.

“Anyway,” Jackson said, “in the event it’s not a ghost, I can’t wait to get my hands on whoever it is and kick their ass.”

Anderson frowned at his phone. “Where were you guys when this was taken?”

He held the phone up. The photo was of me and Oliver, kissing in the front seat of his Mustang earlier that week. The image doesn’t tell the whole story, thank goodness. No one can tell his hand was up my skirt. Can they?

“Three days ago. I was giving Heaven a ride home from Anderson’s.”

“So a spontaneous stop?” Jackson asked.

“Totally spontaneous.” He winked at me and my whole body tingled at the memory.

“It’s fucking weird,” Oliver said.

“And creepy.” They all looked at me worriedly. I held up my hands. “I’m fine, but it is. Whoever is doing this has a problem. A big one.”

Jackson put down the phone and looked into the webcam. “I think we need to stop it once and for all.”

“How are we going to do that?” Anderson said. “Like Hayden said, he’s pretty much a ghost. A corporeal ghost, but…well, you know what I mean.”

Jackson’s response surprised me. “I’ve been working on a plan. It’ll take all of us but if everything goes right, we’ll catch the fucking bastard.”

“And then what?” It’d been going on for so long, I didn’t think catching whoever was behind it would matter. I also wasn’t sure about provoking whoever was doing it.

“Then he deals with the Allendale Four,” Hayden replied. “And he’ll regret the day he ever messed with our fifth.”

Chapter 19

“Honey, we’re leaving in one minute!”  my mother called from downstairs.

“Okay, one second!” I turned back to the phone where Jackson waited impatiently. Apparently, there was a massive video game tournament going on at Oliver’s and I was missing it. “Sorry I can’t come hang tonight.”

“That’s okay, your mom wants you to be safe. We do too.”

Mom had a Civil Service banquet tonight. She was going with Chief O’Neal and a few other people from the station. I tried to tell her I could hang with the guys but the look she gave me said, hell no. She knew my social life had started revolving around them, and she liked them, but she was always worried about me isolating myself in one way or the other. In other words, I needed to branch out.

“Being agreeable seems to be the best route. Especially if I’m pushing for a late curfew the night of the dance.”

“Wise woman,” he said, raising his voice over the shouts of activity.

“I’ll miss you,” I said quietly.

“We’ll miss you too,” he replied. I heard the smile in his voice. “We’re all actually in one place tonight. It’s a miracle.”

“Have a guy’s night. Play video games. Inhale pizza. Don’t,” I said in a stern voice, “watch porn.”

“You’re the only porn we need, babe.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag off the bed. “I don’t know if that’s the compliment you think it is.”

“Hey! You knew it was a compliment, that’s all that matters.”

“Heaven!” my mom shouted from downstairs.

“Gotta go.”

“Bye.” He held out the phone and a chorus of ‘goodbyes’ sounded through the speaker.

I zipped up my sweatshirt on the way down the stairs. Mom had already gone to the car and honked the car horn as I was tying my hair up in a ponytail. Although I’d gotten used to my new style, the good about seeing Justin and going to the beach was I could ditch the heels and go for comfort.

“Sorry,” I said, sliding in the passenger seat. Oceanside was on the way to the civic center where the banquet was being held.

My mother turned and looked at me. “You look nice.”

I didn’t, but the message was conveyed. Nice = not slutty. Thanks, Mom.

We drove out of Allendale and down the highway to the island. Halfway there, my phone buzzed silently in my pocket.

A photo appeared of all four guys blowing me a kiss. I couldn’t help but laugh.

When I looked up, my mother was smiling.

“What?” I asked.

“You—smiling at that phone. Jackson?” she asked. Of course, she thought it was my “only” boyfriend. I felt guilty for lying over something so big, yet so trivial.

“Yeah—just a silly picture of him and the guys.”

She nodded. “Are you two excited about the dance? I saw the cutest dress the other day...”

I stopped her before she went too far. “I have one."

“You do?” She pursed her lips. I wasn’t sure if she was disappointed I found one already, or something else.

“What, Mom?” I pressed.

“Nothing. I can’t wait to see it.”

There was an edge to her voice…something I couldn’t quite place until she followed up with, “I was just, um, hoping that it’s appropriate. You know, for a formal occasion.”

Ahhh. There.

“It is.” I looked at my mother and said, “You’ll love it. I promise.”

“I just want to make sure you know that you don’t have to dress a certain way to get a boy’s attention. You know that, right?”

Boy did I know about that. I could write a book on how one little thing like a prank with your friend and changing your wardrobe could change your life. For the worse and better.

“Mom, I’m confident in my relationship with Jackson.” And the others, I silently said. “I just decided to change things up this year. You’re the one that always wants me to put myself out there a little more.” She shot me a look. “Okay, bad choice of words. But it’s true, and look at me now. I’m in a hoodie and jeans. Doesn’t get more basic than that.”

The last thing I needed was my mom suddenly paying more attention to me and my love life. I’d defend the guys to the end of time, but if she’s worried about one guy…I could only guess how she’d react to four. Fortunately, my answer seemed to satisfy her and we rode the rest of the way to Oceanside in a strange, uneasy silence, but thankfully without bringing it up again.

*

After a stop for greasy food and milkshakes, Justin and I took a walk down to the beach. The path was rocky and dark but he carried a flashlight with a wide, bright beam. Tiny crabs scurried on the edge of the light, freaking me out a little.

“They won’t hurt you,” he laughed.

“I know, it’s just all those legs and feet and pinchers." I shivered dramatically.

“They’re more afraid of you than you are of them.”

“I doubt that,” I mumbled, grabbing on to his arm for support.

Down the beach, we could see the soft glow of a fire. “Who’s that?” I asked.

“Probably the guys. Wanna go down there?”

“Sure,” I said, feeling a little nervous. I hadn’t seen most of them in a while. My new social life kept me busy. “Things still okay? Post-post-deflowering?”

“Yeah. I still owe you one.” In the semi-dark I could see him shove his hands in his pockets. “It got everyone off my back and…” he rubbed the back of his neck, “It helped take the pressure off and cleared things up for me a little.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I’ve been dating.”

“Oh really? Names. I need names.”

“Yeah, uh, Eric actually, but it’s a small, small, small place and neither of us are ready to go public. I just don’t want the judgments.”

Oh my god. My first thought was that I got it. I wasn’t ready to go public with my relationship(s) either.

My second; great, now my reputation would be the girl who turned Justin Blackwood gay.

I couldn’t win.

“I get it. Living under the scrutiny of judgmental people sucks.”

He shoved his hands in his jean pockets. “The photos?”

For one thing. “Yeah, they keep coming.”

“Are you sure everything’s okay? I mean…” he looked off at the crashing waves coming from the ocean. “Some of the photos are pretty explicit and there are a lot of different guys.”

I stopped, feet squeaking on the sand. “You know the photos don’t represent everything going on. There are ones of me and Eric. You know nothing happened there.”

He nodded. “I just don’t want people taking advantage of you. Getting the attention of popular, good-looking guys has to feel good.”

I couldn’t get mad at his suspicion. It’d taken me weeks to shake my own. I laced my fingers with his, hoping to assure him. “I have to try to trust them. Don’t we all have to make this decision at one point or another?”

“I guess." He still didn’t sound convinced,, and because I’d carried the knowledge of the Allendale Four all to myself for so long it spilled out.

“I’m dating them.”

“Them?” He frowned. “Who?”

“The Allendale Four.”

“All of them?” The wheels turned in his head. “You’re dating them all…as in, dating around? Seeing different people? Not settling?”

“No,” I confessed. “I’m dating them all. Like at the same time. We’re in a relationship. The photos of me, Oliver, Jackson, Hayden, and Anderson are all legit. Anything else is a manipulation.”

Justin stared at his feet, not speaking. I kept going. “I care about them and they care about me. What we have is really special.” But as I said it out loud I knew I’d made a mistake. A big one. The look on his face shifted from confused to scared to angry. I couldn’t stop. Like I said, I’d defend them to the end of time. “We have fun together. They protect me. They get my anxiety…showing up every. Fucking. Day to take care of me.” Hot tears welled in my eyes and the feelings I had for them are so real. So very, very real. No one would ever get this. No one but them.

“Don’t cry,” he said. “I’m just worried. That’s all.”

I blinked back the tears. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine. For real. This is good for me. They’re good for me.”

We reached the bonfire and I saw all Justin’s friends, most paired off with girls. A voice from the huddle around the fire shouted my name.

“Look who graced us with another visit. Heaven!” Davis shouted. “Justin finally brought back his girlfriend.”

When he stood he had a shadow. One I didn’t expect to see.

Spencer.

“What’s he doing here?”

“He started dating one of the girls down here a few weeks ago. He keeps hanging around—like a bad rash.”

At least that was something we could agree on. Spencer tried to put on a front but it was obvious he wouldn’t meet me in the eye.

Justin noticed. “What’s that about?”

“Oh, one of the guys kicked his ass at a party a while ago.” Justin looked surprised. “Defending me.”

He raised an eyebrow but the smile on his mouth didn’t travel to his eye. “Oh yeah, maybe they are good enough for you.”

“I told you. They’re not bad guys.”

Doubt still shadowed his features. He’d come around. Eventually. And if he didn’t? It wasn’t my problem.

*

“You smell like the beach,” Jackson said, running his lips over my neck. “And taste like a campfire.” More lips, more tasting. “Not that I mind, or anything.”

My mom texted, saying she was going to be late, and Justin gave me a ride home in his ancient, rusty Honda. There was an awkward moment when he pulled into the driveway and Jackson was waiting on my front step.

“Justin,” I nodded. “Jackson...” That was painful.

“Good to meet you,” Justin said and they shook hands and Jackson did some trick where his shoulders became as wide as the car.

“Thanks for bringing Heaven home,” Jackson said. His body language made it clear he’d take over from here.

Justin eyed me warily. “I told your mom I’d stay.”

“It’s fine. I’ll let her know I wasn’t alone.”

“You sure?”

“Yep. Thanks for hanging out tonight.” I gave him a quick hug and he hopped in his car, driving away without another look back.

“Lost the straw draw?” I asked, after he drove off, car rattling down the road.

Jackson gave me a quizzical look.

“Checking up on me? Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.” My attitude was salty and he got the brunt of it.

“I certainly didn’t lose,” he replied dryly. “But yeah, we agreed someone should make sure you got home okay after hanging out with the guy that got you into a heap of trouble. Is that wrong?”

I sighed and re-explained that our families were friends. That we had known one another since we were kids. That Justin and I were also just friends.

“Babe, I know the story. We’re not mad or jealous about any of that.” Doubt flickered in his eyes.

I tilted my head. “Then what?”

“We don’t like that he got you in such a mess.”

“Without that mess, you guys never would have spoken to me.”

He grunted, still not convincing me he wasn’t just jealous, but he pulled me down on the step, lowering me into his lap, and kissed me. He needed my reassurance. I got that. And in turn, I gave it.

“We had a bonfire on the beach,” I said, about the smoke, between kisses. “You smell a little smoky yourself.” But not the same kind. His mouth had the faint tinge of beer. His eyes were lazy and a little red. He had probably smoked with the boys hours before. His fingers dug into my hips, pulling me closer, dragging me right over the hard ridge in his pants. Holyhardness.

“Does that hurt?” I blurted. Really, Heaven? Really? Thank god it was dark. Jackson stopped kissing me and stared at me with the funniest face. “Sorry. Inappropriate,” I said. “Ignore me. More kissing, please.”

“It’s okay. Nah, it doesn’t hurt. It feels pretty awesome. You feel pretty awesome.” He grabbed my hips again and slid me over that rod of steel. This time though, I was distracted by the feelings in my own pants and not just his.

“Oh,” I breathed. And then some form of jumbled, “Yessss,” choked out from under the emotions I was trying to control.  Because this is the exact moment my brain broke down. Between my crotch and his crotch and his fingers slipping under my shirt, and his cock getting harder and my pants getting wetter and it was too much. Too. Fucking. Much.

I bit down on his shoulder and groaned.

“Shhh…,” Jackson warned about my volume. I didn’t care, maybe since I had been faking slut for so long my body and mind went a little porn star on instinct. I tugged the zipper on my hoodie, shrugging it off my shoulders.

“Umm...” he mumbled, eyes glued to my chest. Tight, white ‘beater, black lace bra. He licked his lips. I licked mine. He licked my lips and ran his hands down my now-bare arms, skimming down my scars, toying with my fingers. Nope. Not enough.

“Put your hands on me.” The words flew from my mind to my mouth but it worked. Two massive boy hands were suddenly cupping my breasts in the most pleasurable way. His thumbs rubbed across the material like he’d done this a million times before, like he’d planned this out. But they hadn’t been here before, and I felt like my boobs were connected to the spot between my legs and that moment I’d been dying to recreate since being in the car with Oliver was close, so close. He pulled the straps of my tank so they fell down my arms, but he didn’t go further. Just enough so the tops of my breasts threatened to spill over but they were held back by the magic of cotton and lace. And Jackson, holyshit Jackson, with his reddened cheeks and nimble fingers that were dragging over my nipples and stroking my skin, now looked at me with glazed-over eyes. With adoration, and dammit all, if I didn’t adore him back.

Abruptly, he changed tactics and his hands moved to my hips again, pushing and dragging. I watched as his eyes flicked from my heaving (yes--heaving) chest to my lips, to my eyes until I closed my own and just sank into the feelings. Who knew that rubbing and skin and jeans and seams, combined with the sound of his labored breathing, low, next to my ear, would cause my insides to wind and twist and wind and clench and wind and wind until everything became so tight there was no space left, nowhere to go but break into a million splintered pieces?

Not me. Holy-mother-of-All Things, that wire shattered, causing my body to experience the grandest of all things. And then apparently he did as well, because he froze and grunted twice, in a deep weird, cracking voice before dropping his sweaty head onto my shoulder and muttering, “Fuck,” next to my ear.

Fuck, indeed.

Chapter 20

I woke up feeling good.

Like, really good for the first time in a long while. I told Justin the truth about the Allendale Four and the world hadn’t imploded. I saw Spencer out in public and didn’t scratch his eyes out. I dry-humped Jackson on my front porch and damn, I wanted to do that again.

The dance was in a week. Like I told my mother, I had found a dress—online. It was two pieces; the top was a beaded halter—the bottom, black tulle. A thin strip of belly showed between the two. It was fun. Sexy. The guys were going to love it.

I did need shoes and I’d planned to ask my mom to take me shopping that afternoon. Playing it safe and putting on my best daughter expression, I dressed in jeans and a sweater before running down the stairs. I hoped to catch her before she got busy with her day.

I found her in the kitchen, still in her pajamas, which was odd for this time of morning. She sat at the table, her iPhone in her hand. She scrolled down the screen, a line of worry across her forehead. I passed by to get a cup of coffee.

“Morning,” I said. “Everything okay?

“No,” she said in a quiet voice. “I don’t think it is.”

“What’s wrong?” She’d come home late last night, after Jackson left and I’d locked up the house. “Did something happen at the banquet?”

She swallowed and glanced away from the phone. “I had a long talk with Justin last night—after he dropped you off. He said Jackson was here.”

I felt the blood drain from my face.

I took a sip of coffee and calmed myself, prepping for damage control.  “Yeah, he just came over to check on me. Make sure I got home safe.”

“I thought that’s what Justin was here for.”

“Mom.” I exhaled. “I wanted to spend a little time with my boyfriend. Not a big deal.”

She slid the phone across the table. “That’s what I said, until he showed me this.”

Dread pooled in my stomach, turning to a heavy cement. There was no doubt about what she was looking at. The Fakestagram page. My page. A Piece of Heaven.

“Did he tell you someone is messing with me? I didn’t post those photos.”

“He did say that and that he’d tried to get you to tell me about this weeks ago.”

“I was handling it and didn’t want to bother you. It’s just stupid high school stuff.”

Her eyes flicked to the screen. Which picture was she looking at? Garrett? Eric? Anderson? The list was long and I felt my mouth go dry.

“I need you to explain what I’m looking at, Heaven.”

I sat down at the table, feeling the disappointment rolling off my mother. I could argue all day that someone was setting me up, that I was being stalked, but the photos told another story. My clothing and change of behavior revealed a different, un-defendable position.

“I’m waiting,” she prompted.

“It started out as just a prank by me and Justin.” The rat bastard traitor, I didn’t add. “And people took it the wrong way. I got mad and decided to push some buttons.”

“I don’t know what that means,” she said. “I know you started with the more-revealing outfits. I tried not to judge. It’s your life, but I also didn’t want to set off another anxiety attack—not after the last one was so bad. But I had no idea you’d gotten so out of control.”

“I’m not out of control.”

She snatched the phone off the table and held up a photo. It’s the most recent one—one I hadn’t even seen. I stare at the photo, feeling the familiar twist of anxiety in my chest. It was of me and Jackson on the front step last night. There was only one way to describe Jax’s expression.

Orgasmic.

I dropped the phone, feeling sick to my stomach at the invasion of privacy.

“As much as I don’t want to see that, at least he’s your boyfriend. I’m not naïve, Heaven. It’s the other photos that are a problem. The other young men…men I trusted you were safe with.”

A fat tear ran down my cheek. I brushed it away. “I am safe with them.”

“No, honey…they’re not. They’re using you and taking advantage of a girl with a lot of problems who’s desperate for some affection and attention.”

“Stop. That’s not true. You don’t understand.”

“You’ve been lonely. I’m not around as much as I should have been—your dad is gone. It’s not unusual to want to find comfort with someone—anyone.”

“Mom,” I said, teeth grinding together. “Stop.”

“I blame myself…I saw all the signs that something was really wrong. I should have known when you had that major attack that you were spiraling. It’s not the first time and we’ll get through this.” She tried to reach for my hand across the table. I snatched it away. She sighed. “I know you’re mad, but one day you’ll see that I’m just trying to help you.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked, knowing something big was coming. A punishment. Therapy. The spiral in my chest coiled, tighter and tighter.

“First, I’m reporting this bullying to the school and to Chief O’Neal. Whoever is doing it needs to be stopped. Then, things are changing around here. You’re my number one priority from here on out. I’m taking your phone, no more social media, no more attention-seeking.”

I couldn’t breathe. “What about my friends?”

“Heaven,” she said, her voice laced with pity. “You don’t have friends. You have abusers. Users. It’s unhealthy and it’s stopping today.”

Her words hit me like a wrecking ball, destroying everything in my life in one fell swoop. The walls closed in and the anxiety, which had been so much better lately, started to slip away.

“Can I at least tell them.” If I didn’t contact the Allendale Four, they would freak. Hell would rain down on the whole town while they tried to find me.

She looked at me skeptically. “One phone call. That’s all you get. Then I want the phone.”

She pushed the phone across the table. “Ten minutes. Then I’m disconnecting it.”

My hand shook as I picked up the phone and stood. The chair scraped against the kitchen tile and I left the room. One phone call. I could keep it together that long.

In my bedroom with my door shut, I pressed the first number I saw, Face-timing him. There was no way I couldn’t do this face to face.

“Hey,” Anderson said, answering on the first ring. My heart kick-started when I saw his gorgeous face. Unsurprisingly, the others crowded around, smiling and waving. They were all in Oliver’s apartment. Anderson’s smile vanished. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

How could I tell them?

“Heaven?” Jackson asked. “What’s going on.”

Four handsome faces, grave with concern, waited for me to speak. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“My mom saw the Fakestagram page. She’s going to the school and to the police.”

Concern shifted to surprise.

“Okay, we can deal with that. You’re being bullied. We can tell Principal Morrison that,” Oliver said.

“Maybe the police can stop it once and for all,” Hayden added.

I nodded, knowing there was truth in their words, but I hadn’t told them the rest. My chest hurt. I’d never felt this level of heartbreak before. Not with Anderson in the library. Not when my dad left.

Jackson took the phone from Anderson. “What’s going on, Heaven? What aren’t you telling us?”

I inhaled, trying to steady myself. They’d made me strong and I needed to carry on for them right now. Until we could figure this out. I exhaled slowly and said, “My mom is putting me on lock-down. No phone. No social media.” I swallowed. “No friends. Including you.”

Jackson’s jaw dropped and Hayden shouted, “What the fuck?”

The four fell into a variety of emotions, each playing out on the screen. Sad. Angry. Furious. Shocked. It hurt so badly not to be able to comfort them. All I wanted was to touch them. Feel their arms around me. And all of that was gone.

“How long?” Anderson asked. “How long will this last.”

I shook my head. “I have no idea. I’ve never seen her so serious.”

“We’ll talk to her,” Oliver reasoned.

“No!” I shouted. “It will make it worse. Let her calm down. Maybe in a few weeks she’ll be ready to listen.”

“Will you be at school?” Hayden asked.

“Yeah but I still don’t think I can talk to you. I don’t know.”

There were so many unknowns. Would they wait for me? Or is this the end of the Allendale Five?

“One minute!” my mom shouted from the hallway. The weight of it all fell on my shoulders and it took everything I had not to burst into tears.

“I have to go,” I told them.

“We’ll figure this out,” Oliver said. Hayden nodded next to him.

I smiled weakly, knowing it was impossible. “I’ll see you at school, okay?”

“Love you, babe,” Jackson said. The other three said it too. My heart cracked, deeper and deeper.

“I love you, too,” I said, blowing them a kiss as footsteps sounded in the hall. I disconnected and threw my phone at the door, shattering the screen.

Pulling the pillow over my head, I cried. I cried for the loss of my boys. The loss of the life I’d recently built and for my freedom.

I cried because there was nothing else left to do.

Chapter 21

Things went from bad to worse on Monday. First, my mom drove me to school. Then, we went straight to the counselor’s office.

Stepping through the front doors, there was no doubt to my classmates this was a “walk of shame,” even though I was dressed in jeans and a baggy sweatshirt and not my more-recent sexy clothing. Every eye in the school followed me through the doors of the office.

For once, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything.

That was the irony in all this, my mother wanted me more involved. More engaged, and to do that she took everything I loved away from me. There was nothing left but for me to disconnect, so when the counselor and my mother started discussing my schedule and removing me from classes with any “unhealthy distractions,” I didn’t fight.

“Heaven, you’ll move to sixth period Chemistry,” Ms. Hemmingway pushed my new schedule across the table. “And Mrs. Rockingham, the librarian, said you can eat lunch in there. Less stress.”

I couldn’t be trusted to even eat lunch unsupervised.

“I’ve filed a report with the police,” my mother announced. “And the school district is aware of the bullying. The Fakestagram has been removed but it’s likely photos are still being passed around and a new account will be made.” Mom’s voice grew hard. “Whoever is behind the account goes to this school. I hope you’re doing what you can to resolve it.”

“I just wish Heaven had come to us sooner. We could have done something earlier.” She looked at me with such sympathy. “I’ve made your teachers aware of the students that have been bothering you the most. They won’t come near you.”

“Who are you talking about.”

“Heaven, you know who. The boys.”

I couldn’t form the words to tell her that I didn’t want or need them kept  from me. It was the opposite. Keeping them away from me wouldn’t make anything better, it would leave me vulnerable to whoever was bullying me and make it worse.

The bell rang and I spoke while staring at my hands. “Can I go to class now?”

“Yes, sweetie,” my mom says, reaching to squeeze my hand. I moved aside before she could touch me and left the room for the start of my new, lonely, miserable life.

*

Ignore them.

Ignore them.

Ignore them.

That was what I told myself as I walked down the hall and sat through classes. It hurt treating them like this. None of this was their fault. They opened their circle to me. Let me in—added me as Number Five, and look what happened.

Twice that first morning I caught sight of one of the Allendale Four. Oliver near his locker after second period and Hayden headed to the art room before lunch. Both looked as shitty as I felt, with deep circles under their eyes. I had no doubt they were losing sleep over me—for now. But soon, they’d move on. No one wanted to wait for a damaged, imprisoned girl.

Oliver made a move toward me but I shook my head. He stared at me like he’d been slapped.

I’m sorry, I wanted to tell him. But I had no doubt he was on the list of “undesirables” given to the school by my mom. Any communication and he’d be punished.

Hayden didn’t stop when I brushed him off. He pushed me around the corner toward the gym and said, “Heaven, what the hell is going on?”

“I can’t—we can’t…you’ll get in trouble.”

“For what?” His gray eyes clouded.

“Talking to me.” I peered over his shoulder and Mrs. Glass, the Art teacher, glanced our way. “I’m serious, Hayden.”

“I don’t give a fuck what these people want. I want you. You’re one of us and we take care of our own.”

I clung to his words like a life-preserver, but Mrs. Glass was on her way over. “Stay away from me, okay? It’s not worth it.”

His jaw clenched, revealing the sharp line my hands loved to caress. “Never say that again. You hear me?”

“Hayden?” Our teacher said. “Move along.”

He didn’t acknowledge the teacher and simply said, “We take care of our own, Heaven. Don’t forget that.”

*

Nerves frayed, I ducked into the bathroom before I went to the library for my solitary lunch. It was empty, other than Amber Wasserman. She stood over the sink, with a streak of blue in her hair, reapplying lipstick. Her T-shirt had a silk screen of Rosie the Riveter.

“Hey,” she said, screwing the cap on the lipstick.

“Hi.” I stood over the sink, refusing to look at myself in the mirror.

“You look different.” She narrowed her eyes. “What’s that all about?”

I shrugged. Amber wasn’t awful to me. She’d been pissed when she thought I wanted Benjamin but cooled pretty quickly. I rubbed my forehead. “I don’t know how to even go into how much shit has hit the fan in my life over the last three days.”

“I saw the Fakestagram was pulled.”

“Yeah.”

“Another one went up this morning.”

I shook my head. “Of course it did.”

She took out her phone and before I could tell her I didn’t want to see she shoved it in my face. Photos of me and the boys, each in a compromised situation, had a large X through the photo. So my stalker knew my mom wasn’t letting me see them anymore. How?

I didn’t have the energy to care.

Amber put away her phone and slung her bag over her shoulder. She paused before walking away. “For the record, I don’t care how you dress or who you date, you know, as long as it’s not my boyfriend. And to be honest, I apologize for that. It was hypocritical and I’m not a fan of slut-shaming.”

“Thanks,” I said, a little stunned.

“There’s too much scrutiny in this school, as far as I’m concerned. They preach feminism and equal rights but there’s a million dress code rules that basically turn us into sexualized objects instead of teenagers wanting an education. If I hear one more time that a boy can’t focus on his studies because I’m wearing a spaghetti strap tank, I’m going to punch someone. Are they that weak? Do they have no self-control?” Her hands balled into fists and the tips of her ears turned pink. I was surprised to see how fired up she was about the subject. “You should be able to wear what you want. Date who you want. Who said you have to be monogamous at eighteen? What about poly relationships? What if a woman wants more than the traditional rules of a patriarchal society?”

I sighed and clutched my backpack. “I don’t know, Amber, but let me know if you figure it out.”

She touched my arm. “Don’t let those bastards change who you are, got it?”

I eyed her warily—my trust issues ran deep—but branching out, having the guys in my life taught me I couldn’t be so isolated anymore. “I won’t. Thanks.”

She crossed her arms and nodded. “Anything for a sister.”

*

Coming out of the library, I ran straight into Jackson. Plowed into him was the better term. My stack of books slammed into Jackson’s solid wall of a chest and his hands steadied my elbows.

Our eyes met and I silently willed him to let me go. He’d opened his mouth to speak when the squeal of the school intercom echoed through the hallway and the principal’s voice bounced off the walls.

“I need the following students to come to the main office: Oliver Baldwin, Jackson Hall, Anderson Thompson, and Hayden Perkins.”

Our eyes remained glued and his hands clenched my elbows. I swallowed and said, “I’m so sorry,” before breaking away and going the other direction.

I didn’t look back and spent the rest of the day with the cold dread knowing the guys were in trouble because of me. I sat on my bed that night, books open, but staring at the ceiling. My mother watched TV downstairs. She begged me to sit with her but I didn’t. I couldn’t.

Breathing, that was the best I could manage.

The following day, rumors swirled around school again. That the boys had been arrested. That they started the Fakestagram. That I had a restraining order out on them. That I was pregnant, had no idea who the father of the baby was, and leaving the school for the Sisters of Quiet Mercy over Christmas break.

I let them bounce off of me, like hail raining down on the rooftop; dinging me and damaging me one tiny hit at a time. I ducked into my new refuge, the seldom-used bathroom next to the library, wanting away from the constant whispering. I was surprised to find Amber at the sink again. This time she wore a shirt with “The Notorious RBG” and a profile of Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

She coated her eyelashes with mascara and said suddenly, “I feel like it’s my obligation to ask…did you consent to this relationship with them?”

“Yeah, definitely.” My cheeks flushed. “They’re really great guys.”

“I believe you. I just wanted to make sure you were in charge.” I never thought of it that way, but I was in charge. They let me take the lead on almost everything in our relationship. It didn’t matter if Amber believed me or not, but it was nice to know someone had my back. “Any idea who’s behind this Fakestagram?”

I shook my head but that wasn’t entirely the truth. A pattern had started to emerge and a few clues. A few possible suspects but I had no proof. Did it matter anyway? The guys had already taken the fall. If I said something, would it make it worse? The last thing any of us needed was another target on our back.

“Can you meet me back here after 4th period?” she asked.

I frowned. “I guess.”

She gave me a swift nod. “Good. See you then.”

I watched her leave the room, the heavy brown door swinging shut. By accident, I caught my reflection in the mirror and flinched. Holy shit, I looked bad. Hair messy. Dark circles under my eyes. My clothes sloppy and depressing.

I looked like I felt. Something to cast away and ignore.

*

Even though it was an unspoken punishment, the library did turn into a sort of sanctuary. The assholes that harassed me all day didn’t cross the threshold, probably worried they’d burst into flames if they gained a little knowledge. I’d always been a reader—a coping skill I’d learned while struggling with my dark days—so after I finished my lunch, I combed the aisles looking for something to pass the time.

I picked through the books, eyeing some of the more popular series that’d come out lately, avoiding the romances that my heart couldn’t bear. Not right now. I didn’t hear the footsteps on the soft carpet or see the shadow until it fell over the white book pages.

“Heaven, fancy seeing you here.”

Exhausted and worn out, I didn’t even look up at Mark’s greeting. He leaned against the bookshelf, taking up most of the aisle. I ignored him, hoping he’d leave, but after a few minutes it was obvious he had no intention of going away.

I snapped a book shut and shoved it back into place. “What do you want?”

He smiled, slow and toothy. “I heard you were single again. Thought maybe you’d be up for that date we kept trying to plan.”

“Yeah, no thanks.” I rolled my eyes and moved in the direction of the tables, away from the isolated stacks. My exhaustion overruled all other emotions until another shadow blocked my exit and familiar beady eyes held mine. Spencer stood with his hands on both shelves.

“Or maybe a double date,” Mark added, nodding to his friend. “Since you’re into more than one guy at a time.”

Every piece of hair on my neck rose, spreading straight down my spine. “Fuck both of you,” I said.

Mark’s eyes lit up and he grabbed his crotch. “That’s what I’m talking about. Name a time and place.”

At the same time, both boys moved toward me, trapping me in the middle of the stacks. I saw the intent in their eyes—both furious I’d rejected them.

I tried one last thing. “You know whoever is stalking me records everything. My every move. When I go to the police, I’ll have proof.”

The two boys looked at one another, I assumed processing my threat, but instead of backing down, Mark smirked and Spencer actually laughed.

“The police?” Mark’s voice was smug. “I don’t think we’ll have any trouble with them.”

“Why?” I asked.

He nodded at his friend, who had moved so close I could feel his breath on my neck. “It’s a small world, Heaven. Did you know my step-father and your mom work together?” His hand grazed my lower back. I fought the bile rising in my throat. “Well, it’s more like she works for him. Chief O’Neal?”

“That’s your step-dad?”

“Yep. He and my mom got married last summer. You didn’t know?”

No. I didn’t.

“Who do you think he’s going to believe? You or the son of the woman he’s fucking? And even if he does, do you want to risk your mother’s job? What would it look like for a representative of the police station to have such a whore for a daughter?”

All my bravado vanished, instead swallowed by sheer panic and fear. I felt their breath, their bodies, and knew that it would only take a moment for them to violate me. They didn’t want a moment, though. I saw the dark intent in their eyes. The entitlement they felt over my body. They wanted so much more.

Spencer pulled out his phone and said, “Cheese,” snapping my photo.

Everything clicked.

I opened my mouth to shout, to call out for the librarian or any kind of help when another shadow appeared at the end of the row.

Please be one of my boys. Please be one of my boys, I prayed.

I looked up and their eyes followed and no, it wasn’t one of my boys, but it was an ally. Amber stood with her jaw set and her arms crossed. “Get your filthy hands away from her.”

“This is none of your business, Wasserman.”

Thankfully Amber had balls made of brass and she barged toward us, grabbing my arm. I glanced back and saw the two assholes, still smirking, still knowing they had the upper hand as Amber dragged me away.

Chapter 22

Anger, violent and rage-fueled, replaced my fear. By the time we hit the hallway, Amber was dragging me away from them.

“Calm down,” she said, pushing me through the bathroom door. I heard the distinct click of the lock falling in place.

“Are you kidding me? Did you even hear what they said? They’re the ones behind this. They threatened to—”

“To what?” A steel-cold voice said behind me. I spun and saw Hayden, fists clenched. “Who threatened to do what to you?”

It wasn’t just Hayden. Standing in a row in the small girl’s restroom was all of my boys; the Allendale Four. I choked back a sob when I saw them and before I could take a step they descended, wrapping their arms around me. They were like a group of hyper, lovable puppies; peppering my face, neck, and hands with kisses.

The feeling of security rushed over me like a warm blanket. The past few days had been unbearable.

“Wow,” Amber said, breaking our reunion. “That was intense.”

They released me—sort of. Each one still touched my body in some way, recharging me. Oliver spoke first. “So what’s this about someone threatening you?”

I knew I was opening a box of trouble but I told them anyway, “It was Mark and Spencer.”

“Mother fuckers!” Anderson slammed his fist into the metal bathroom door. It swung and hit the cement wall with a bang. “Did they hurt you?”

“No.”

“They tried,” Amber said. “They had her cornered.”

Jackson stormed the door. Amber blocked it and I ran after him, catching his arm. “No. Do not go after them. Not now.”

He tugged at his floppy blonde hair. “Why not?”

I swallowed. “I found out some other stuff, okay? They’ve got leverage over me, you, and my family. I can’t risk losing anything else. Not until we have proof.”

Amber’s phone beeped, alerting her to a notification. She checked the screen and sighed. “He posted.”

“Who posted?” Hayden asked, walking over and grabbing the phone out of Amber’s hand. I had no doubt what it depicted. Me in the library with Mark.

“Spencer is taking the photos and running the Fakestagram account.”

“Why?” Anderson asked. “What’s the point.”

I couldn’t tell them the truth and the expression on Amber’s face said she knew it too. These boys would murder them if they found out what they wanted from me. How they planned to take it.

“They’re dicks,” Amber said. “Bullies that like to take advantage of a situation. But there are a few complications, like Heaven said, they’ve got leverage and as stupid as they look, they’re not dumb. We need to be smart about this.”

I raised my eyebrow, feeling brave with the Allendale Four standing behind me. “We?”

“I told you, I’m sick of the sexist bullshit in this community.” I saw the fire in her eye. “You turned this whole school upside down for a few months, Heaven. You fought back and we still have one more round to go.”

“I like this girl,” Oliver whispered. “She’s feisty as hell.”

“What can we do? He has all the leverage,” I said.

Jackson walked around me and leaned against the sink. “I told you guys I was working on a plan. With Amber’s help and knowing exactly who’s stalking Heaven, maybe we can pull it off.”

“I’m in,” Amber said.

I looked at my guys, all of them ready to fight for our relationship. They were waiting for me to make the final decision. I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded. “Let’s do this.”

*

When Amber handed me a T-shirt after school with “Smash the Patriarchy” on the front, I couldn’t help but smile.

“I got two at a rally I went to last month. It’s the perfect size for you. Extra small.”

That made me laugh. It felt really, really good. It’d been too long.

The positive mood lingered through the rest of the day until I got a call from my mom.

“Hey sweetie, I’ve to go into work this afternoon.”

“Night shift?”

“Yeah, Debbie has the flu and I just can’t say no after taking off so much time lately. I hate to do it but do you think you’ll be okay alone?”

Guilt. She took that time off for me because of me being in the hospital and all the drama. I tried to sound confident when I said, “Sure.”

“I know you’re still angry with Justin, but…”

I didn’t know what to do. Justin was out of the question but so was staying home alone. The guys would lose their mind if they found out and then we’d all risk getting in more trouble and the plan. If Spencer got his intel about my whereabouts from his dad and the police station, he would easily know I was home alone. The tickle of fear built in my chest.

“Heaven?”

“Look, Mom, can I go to a friend’s instead? I just…I don’t want to be alone.”

She paused. “What friend?”

I held my phone up to Amber and she flashed me a peace sign. I took the picture and sent it to my mom. “Amber Wasserman, we’re in Chem together now. She said I can come over. I really don’t want to be alone.”

“Amber? I think I remember her. You’ll stay in the whole night?”

“Of course. We have a final coming up anyway.”

Another hesitation.

“Mom, you were the one that wanted me to make new friends.” Yeah, I learned how to guilt from the best.

“Okay.” There was really no other choice. “Be safe.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

I disconnected, unable to keep the smile off my face. Amber crossed her arms over her chest. “Let me guess, we’re having a sleep over?”

“Well…”

“Okay, you’re telling your mom we’re having a sleepover but you’re really going to hang with the guys.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Is that okay?”

“Fine by me. I have plans with Benjamin tonight, but I do think we need to be smart about it just in case your stalkers are watching.”

I nodded, wondering when my life turned into a complicated episode of Mission: Impossible.

Amber looked across the parking lot, her eyes meeting with Ben’s. A slow smile formed on her lips. I was really starting to like this girl.

Chapter 23

Never underestimate an eighteen-year-old girl determined to see her boyfriends.

Benjamin happily agreed to divert Spencer and Mark’s attention off of me and Amber after school. I had no idea what he told them, but I for once I felt secure knowing no one was watching me.

Amber drove the long way to Oliver’s fancy neighborhood and dropped me around back. I didn’t knock on the Oliver’s apartment door. I knew he wasn’t home. All of the guys had sports practice in the afternoon but I was perfectly content waiting for them.

I found the spare key under the zombie gnome at the top of the stairs just like Oliver told me it would be. The door opened easily and I exhaled when it was securely relocked.

The apartment smelled like the boys. A mixture of their heady musk, cologne, and soap. A wave of happiness rolled over me just to be back in this place—their place.

Empty bags of chips sat on the coffee table. The video game controllers were left on the floor. A full set of weights sat on a rack near the back wall. No surprise that they worked out in here. Their bodies were beyond fit. I noticed a half-full bottle of water by the rack. They were adorable but messy as hell.

One difference was the open door to Oliver’s bedroom. Every time I’d been here it had been closed and I hadn’t been invited inside—not yet. Curious, I walked over and stood in the doorway. This room was neat, a sharp contrast to the living area. His bed was big—king-sized to fit his large frame. A few books sat in a stack on the bedside table, including the one we’re assigned for English. His favorite hoodie was flung over his desk chair. On the desk sat his school laptop. Oliver was notorious for leaving it at home. I ran a finger over the screen, wiping away the thin layer of dust. I had a feeling he used that computer mostly for late night chats and YouTube marathons. I turned around and saw my reflection in the large mirror hung over his dresser and I approached, noting the tidy line of bottles on the top. I picked up a bottle of aftershave and inhaled. Damn. It made my knees weak.

Pictures, ticket stubs, and notes were tucked into the edges of the mirror. Most were of him and the boys at various events over the years, showing Oliver and Jackson in dusty baseball pants or Anderson smiling at a swim meet. There was a fantastic shot of Hayden flying through the air catching a soccer ball before it hit the net.

A different photo caught my eye, not a photo but a drawing, so real and life-like that I couldn’t help but pull it from the mirror. Bright eyes look back at me filled with the sparkle of laughter. Full lips, wavy hair. Hayden’s name is scribbled in the corner next to the title, “Number 5.”

“Impressive, right?” A voice shattered the silence.

I didn’t just jump at the sound of the voice, I screamed. I grabbed a bottle off the dresser and threw it at the door. Anderson’s eyes widened and he jumped out of the way. The bottle slammed against the door and hit the carpet.

“Anderson!” I shouted, my heart racing a million miles an hour. “What. The. Hell.”

It was a testimony of the panic I felt that I didn’t notice what he was wearing. Or rather, not wearing.

The scent of soap wafted my way, coming off of his freshly scrubbed skin. His hair was damp, with tiny droplets of water easing down his neck and shoulders. He was shirtless with nothing but a pair of red flannel pajama pants with his team logo, slung low on his hips. His swimmer’s body was a sight; broad shoulders, magnificent wing-span, lean, tapered torso. I swallowed thickly, trying to regain my senses.

“What are you doing here?” he asked. “Does your mom know?”

I shook my head. “She thinks I’m with Amber. She had to go to work tonight and I was scared to stay home alone.” He opened his arms and I stepped into them, feeling the warmth radiating off his skin. “Why are you here?” I asked. “Thought you had swim?”

“The pump broke at the pool,” he replied. “I used Oliver’s weights for a quick workout and showered.”

I sunk into his chest, deliriously happy for the twist of fate that led us to be here at the same time. His arms wrapped tight around my back and I heard the rhythmic thrum of his heart.

“I’ve missed you,” he said, stroking my hair. “Chem sucks now. Mr. Baker tried to make me work with another lab partner but I begged off. I’m just working alone.”

“Poor baby.” I leaned back to look at him. “And you’ve got a dissection coming up. I know you hate those.”

He grimaced. “Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“I missed you, too,” I told him, pressing a kiss onto his warm chest. His breath hitched and he tilted my chin upward.

He dropped his mouth to mine, starting slow and easing my lips apart. His hands dropped to my back, pushing at the fabric of my shirt. It felt so good to be with him. So good to feel him close to me. The eagerness in his thin pants pressed against my lower belly.

He lifted me off the ground and I wrapped my legs around his waist. The sensation between us was dizzying. My stomach clenched with anticipation. I’d waited so long to be with him, feel him, and for once we were alone and on the same page.

He must’ve thought the same because he carried me over to the bed. I held my breath and waited for whatever came next, hoping it would finally happen. The bed, his body, this touch, but he paused.

“What’s wrong?”

“No one knows you’re here?” he asked, tilting his forehead against mine.

“Just Amber.”

“Not Mark or Spencer.”

“No. I made sure. Why?”

“Because I don’t want anyone sullying this for us. No photos. No creeping. Just me and you, okay?”

I nodded, feeling relief. That’s all I wanted too.

Anderson laid me gently on the bed, standing over me like a Greek god. Slowly we undressed, my sweater falling to the floor. His eyes widened when he saw what I had on underneath and he leaned over, poking a finger in the threadbare shirt.

It was the shirt Anderson admitted drove him wild.

“Remember what I said that day?”

I nodded. He’d told me to wear it as a signal for when I was ready.

My body, my heart, and my soul were beyond ready.

He reached for his pajamas but I sat up, stilling his hands. I kissed both his hip bones, teeth grazing the soft skin just below his belly button. He hissed and it made me laugh. I liked seeing him vulnerable. I liked having control.

His erection surprised me. Hard and bobbing. I touched it carefully but he just grunted and said, “It won’t break, babe.”

That made two of us.

I blinked and he was gone—having moved to the bedside table, knocking over the stack of books in his haste. They fell with a clatter.

“Shit,” he muttered but ignored the mess, reaching in the drawer instead. He fumbled, finally pulling out a square package that he tore with his teeth. I watched the whole thing in fascination. Watching the perfection of his body, the dimples on his lower back that eased over the hard curve of his ass. The fine, lean muscles that corded his swimmer’s body.

He appeared over me again, rolling the condom on, kissing me for my patience. After what felt like forever, he finally eased on top of me, lifting the orange and purple shirt. He kissed my belly, smiling when I squirmed, feeling ticklish and silly. Soon my shirt was with the other clothing, tossed on the floor. He touched my body everywhere, sending chills across my skin, and when he pushed inside, he took it slow, moving inch by inch. I gritted my teeth and clamped down on his shoulder.

“You okay?” he asked, distracting me with a kiss.

I nodded, savoring the pain. It was a different sort than I was used to. This was what I wanted, he was what I wanted, and I exhaled when he was all the way inside.

We were all alone when Anderson claimed me. Alone when he pressed his lips to mine and whispered my name. It was just the two of us when he thrusted his hips hard against mine, linking our sweaty hands and mingling breaths.

Anderson groaned, nose wrinkled, jaw tight, and I watched him through his release. His chest heaved and he rolled to his side, pulling out. I felt the loss, but his fingers trailed down my hot skin, over the curve of my hip. He touched the inside of my thigh, nudging me to open and I did, allowing him to relieve the desperate ache between my legs.

Those long, skilled fingers moved the stars.

After, when he pulled me tight against his chest, still sticky with sweat, I finally felt the healing begin on one of the missing pieces of my broken heart.

Chapter 24

After miraculously not getting caught with Anderson, I didn’t push my luck. I did everything I could to gain my mother’s trust. Engaged at dinner. Spoke about school. Never mentioned my boyfriends.

Amber and I came up with a solid plan. One that should flush out Mark and Spencer while redeeming the Allendale Four. Unfortunately, to get everything in motion I was going to have to swallow my pride and do something painful.

I had to call Justin.

“Fuck no,” Hayden roared, when I told him the plan. The others didn’t have the same intense reaction, they also didn’t seem pleased.

“I’m not forgiving him,” I said. We were once again huddled in the bathroom right after lunch. “But he’s my only way into that dance. My mom trusts him.”

“You mom has shitty tastes.” Jackson looked guilty after he said it. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. She’s got this whole thing wrong.”

Oliver slipped an arm around my waist. “To be fair, it’s a complicated, stupid situation. Your mother wants to protect you. I can’t fault her for that.”

I lean into him. “We’ve got three days until the dance. If I talk to Justin tonight, I think we can set this plan in motion.”

“And if he says no?” Anderson asked.

We locked eyes, the heat of our connection burning hard since the prior day. It was impossible to look at him without thinking about what we’d done. I swallowed back those feelings, crossed my arms over my chest and made a promise. “He won’t say no.”

*

Like I suspected, my mother happily allowed me to take her truck to Oceanside and visit Justin. He eyed me warily when I pulled up and it took everything I had not to walk right up to him and slap him across the face.

Okay, it didn’t take everything, because I walked right up to him and punched him in the jaw.

“Ow! Mother fu—” I shouted, doubling over and holding my hand. That was a bad idea.

“Heaven!” He rubbed his jaw. “What the hell?”

My hand throbbed. My fingers were surely broken.

“That was for ratting me out, asshole.”

“And you thought busting up your hand was punishment?” He reached for my hand and I snatched it back. He made a face and I reluctantly held it out. It really hurt, but he checked it over and said he thought it was probably just bruised.

“Did you really come here to beat me up?”

“Actually, I didn’t, but seeing your smug, traitorous face made me snap.” I grimaced and we had a long staredown. Justin had dark, soulful eyes that when he felt bad made him look like a shamed puppy. Even though I did nothing wrong, it felt like a punch in the gut. “No. You don’t get to make me feel bad.”

“I’m sorry, Heaven. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

His apology sounded genuine but it didn’t change the raw, jagged wound he left on our friendship. “You hurt me, Justin. I never thought you’d betray me. Never, not after what I did for you. I protected you and took the abuse from everyone at school for you. You. And I found something good in all of it and then you just went and epically fucked the whole thing up.”

“You’re right,” he said, eyes cast down. “You did all of that for me.”

I inhaled deeply, ignoring the throbbing pain in my hand. “And that’s why you’re going to do me a favor.”

He looked up quickly, forehead creased. “What?”

“I need you to do something for me. Stop this once and for all and maybe redeem yourself in the process.”

“I don’t need redemption.”

“Every story needs a redemption, Justin, and here’s your chance to earn it.”

He nodded, seeming to understand I was giving him a second chance. We wouldn’t be friends anymore but he could at least clean up his mess. “What do you want me to do?”

I smiled, relieved and thankful I didn’t have to push harder. We had a lot to go over to get this right. Every move we made had to be perfect, but before we could start I held up my swollen hand and asked, “Do you have any ice?”

Chapter 25

I twisted, checking myself from all angles in the mirror. Smoothing the full skirt from the waist, I couldn’t hide my pleasure at the simple, beautiful dress. The style was retro—fifties, full taffeta skirt. Tight, strapless bodice. Charcoal, with layers of black and white crinoline underneath.

Amber loaned me this one, determining my other not dramatic enough for the night ahead. She was probably right. Heaven Reeves had proved one thing over the past few months. She isn’t like other girls. No. She was bolder. Stronger. And my winter formal wear should reflect that.

As suspected, my mother not only approved of my dress but also my date.  Justin stood in my shabby but tidy living room, in a tight, black suit and skinny black tie holding a bouquet of wildflowers. There was a distinct lack of interest in his eyes; why wouldn’t there be? I wasn’t his type, amazing dress or not.

Amber and Benjamin showed up looking amazing and after a few rounds of obligatory photos, we piled into Ben’s car and drove to the dance.

“Heaven,” Amber said, twisting in the front seat. “You look amazing.”

“You look pretty outstanding yourself,” I told her. Amber’s fashion sense was bold, opting for a solid white halter-top pantsuit. The neckline plunged, but in a classy, sophisticated way. She looked like a 1940s starlet.

“I’m just hoping I don’t spill something.”

I laughed. “You may be testing the gods on that one.”

The dance was at the school, of course. There was no other place to hold it in our tiny town. I'd never been to a dance before, which contributed to the nerves fluttering in my belly. Despite my excitement, everything felt off. Justin’s hand on my elbow felt wrong. I wanted a different experience—a different night with different guys. I wanted to think of ways to gyrate against Oliver while we danced, or how to get Hayden beneath the back row of the folded-up bleachers. I wanted a silly picture with Jackson and a slow dance with Anderson.

Really? Was that too much for a girl to ask?

"Stop it," Amber said, while the boys exchanged our tickets at the table near the front door.

I frowned. "Stop what?"

"All this over-thinking.”

“There’s a lot riding on tonight, Amber. One slip and the whole plan crumbles.”

"Ready?" Justin asked, linking an arm through mine. Once we walked through that door there was no going back.

“I’m ready to get this over with.”

He bent down and whispered in my ear as we walked into the gym. “You know, you really do look beautiful, Heaven.”

“Thank you.” It meant more than it should. Things were still really tense between us. Things were really tense in general.

"Oh look! A disco ball!" I was momentarily surprised at how not-crappy the gym looked. The dance/decoration/Martha Stewart-wannabe committee made the place not smell and feel like Teen Spirit.

The room had been transformed into a winter wonderland. Icicles hung from the ceiling along with twinkling lights. Glittery snowflakes sprinkled across the stage, accented with blue light. I searched the room and slowly, everything clicked in place.

I found my boys.

Anderson tried not to stare in my direction. He failed miserably. Those candy-apple green eyes raked over every inch of my body. There was no escaping the intensity of the way he took in the way the dress hugged my curves, showing nothing and everything. I felt exposed yet powerful. We could learn a lot from our grandmothers about fashion.

Jackson, in an expertly fit navy blue suit, grabbed Oliver’s arm to pull his attention to where I stood in the doorway. Oliver jabbed Hayden in the ribs. He jerked his head toward Oliver but stopped cold when he saw me. They whispered to one another—I couldn’t hear it over the music and from the distance but my heart pounded anyway. They looked fantastic and even if I was here with another guy, there was no doubt in my heart who my real dates were.

“Did the temperature just rise in here?” Amber asked, watching the scene unfold. She fanned herself with her clutch. “How long until we set this plan in motion?”

I dragged my eyes from the boys, glancing at the clock over the basketball goal.

“Thirty minutes?”

To my surprise, Justin interrupted. “Go, I’ll cover for you.”

“Go where?”

“The locker room? Under the bleachers? Oh maybe on the football field—like a movie.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I was wrong, Heaven. I can tell from here how much they care for you. Go.”

"You think?"

He smiled, softening his features. "I know.”

"Make it the car, okay? The locker room is just disgusting and I’m not getting busted under the bleachers." I’d learned that lesson.

I walked over to Amber and Ben. "I'm going to take my coat to the car. I'll be back," my eyes darted to Justin’s, "in a minute."

Amber rewarded me with an approving grin.

The gym lobby was crowded when I passed through it, filled with stragglers. I wove through the crowd and noticed them noticing me. I pushed my shoulders back and held my chin high—they could stare all they wanted. I didn't care. Tonight was the night I stop playing games.

I slipped through the double doors to get outside, fresh air slapping me in the face. The door opened behind me, closing with a click. I didn’t look back. I expected a shadow, more than one, and the thought made the coil in my chest loosen.

By the time I reached the parking lot, I heard footsteps behind me and smiled to myself. I began walking intentionally, slowing my gait, trailing my hand over the curves of the closest car. The heels of my shoes clicked against the pavement until I reached the trunk and paused. A warm hand wrapped around my waist and I melted into it.

"Seeing you all like that and not being with you? That was painful," I said, leaning against the car, pulling his weight with me.

"Oh, yeah?" asked a voice that was decidedly not one of my secret boyfriends. He smelled smoky, like stale cigarettes. I froze, everything except my heart that pounded in fear. “Seeing you like this just makes me want you that much more.”

Self-preservation brought me to my senses and I wiggled against his weight and in the shadowy light saw exactly who'd followed me out here. It wasn’t my boys. Or Justin or anyone else I called a friend.

Chapter 26

"Spencer!" I yelled, using both hands to push him away. "Get off me!"

"Why?" he asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion, and he approached me again. "Who are you out here meeting? Your date is inside."

Again, I pushed him away and glanced around, hoping someone—anyone was out there to witness it.

"Back. The. Fuck. Off! I'm not meeting anyone out here. And I don’t have to justify myself to you. But I am about to head back to the dance where my friend is waiting for me. I really don't think you want to deal with him if he sees you fucking with me."

Spencer didn't seem deterred by the threat of Justin, which was weird.  Justin was a big guy, much bigger than Spencer. But he stood before me, grinning all sly and smirky and not in that cute way Anderson does when he wanted to grope me next to the water fountain. Or the adorable lopsided one Oliver gave me when he picked me up in the morning.

No, his smile was filled with danger and disturbing thoughts. Fear ran down my spine.

He took a step toward me and moved so close I could smell the sour alcohol on his breath. "I'm not really the one who has to worry."

"W—what are you talking about?"

He reached in the inside pocket of his suit and pulled out his phone, sliding his thumb over the screen. "I know about you and your circle jerk of perverts, but do they know everything about you? Like you and Anderson sneaking off and fucking in Oliver’s apartment? In his bed?”

He passed me the phone. Dread filled my belly like a sinking stone. It wasn’t a photo but a video this time of me and Anderson in Oliver’s room. It starts with us hugging, then kissing. I looked away when he picked me up and carried me to the bed.

“How…how did you get this?” I reached for the phone, but he snatched it back.

He shrugged. “Seems like you should be a little more careful about the electronics in your room.” He nodded at his phone. “Or the ones we carry around. There’re people out there that want to take advantage of girls like you.”

“My electronics?”

He shook his head. “Don’t be so naïve, Heaven. We’ve all heard the spiel about watching the programs and apps we use. Not making friends on the internet that we don’t know. Never. Ever. Posting things you don’t want out there…” He ran his finger down my arm. “What do you think the others will say when they find out you chose one guy over the rest? That Anderson was the first and not one of them? Was he your first?”

“They won’t care.” My voice wavered, almost betraying me. I held my chin high.

“Maybe they won’t, but I think your mom will care and Ms. Hemmingway and the principal. I think my step-dad may care and the sex crimes department with the police. It would be a shame if he decided to make you and your boyfriends an example to the community about the dangers of social media, when you could fix this so very easily.”

All I could do was bluff. "How do you know the guys don’t know about me and Anderson already? We’re in a relationship together. It’s not a crime. It’s consensual. The only criminal here is you.”

“So you finally admit you’re a whore.”

“Is that all you wanted? Was for me to admit that? Fine. I’m in a relationship with the Allendale Four. We’re happy. We love one another.”

"Do they know you're still hooking up with Blackwood?"

I threw my hands in the air. "I'm not."

"No?" Swiping the phone out of my hand, he waved it in front of my face a second later. It was another video, this time of me and Justin on the beach the night of the bonfire. I kissed his cheek and his long, lanky arm was resting on my hip. A moment later the camera shifts and it’s two people in the dark having sex.

“That’s not me.”

He frowned. “No? Looks like you.” He turned up the volume. I heard the deep, guttural moan that was unmistakably mine. I assumed from my time with Anderson. “Sounds like you.”

“You faked that.”

He shrugged. “Do you think anyone will care?”

I jumped for the phone.

“Give me the fucking video, Spencer.”

He held it above my head. “Now you’re scared.”

If I could have smacked the stupid, smug look off his face, I would have. "What do you want?"

"I told you before. You."

Panic washed through me again. I desperately looked around for help. Where was everyone? "You wish."

"I do. I've had my eye on you since Blackwood wore you down months ago. Before then, even. I've offered the nice way, but you got caught up with those four, but now it's my turn." His eyes turned dark. Soulless. I had no doubt he meant what he said.

“Spencer, this is too much even for you. The games are up. You won, but you need to let me go back to the dance. People are waiting for me.”

He grabbed my arm and I yelped in pain. "I can't. The way you look in that dress…" he made a disturbing feral noise with his throat. "Damn girl, even the most restrained guy would have a problem keeping his hands to himself."

“Spencer, don’t do this,” I begged. But the feel of his clammy hands and the weight of his body wasn’t the only thing tugging at me. The panic that resided in my heart swelled, threatening to cloak me from the pain. I couldn’t fight him and the anxiety any more than I could have rejected the happiness and the love of my boys. What’s the point, my brain asked, if he destroys me now? I should have given up long ago, back in the dark days when using a razor took away the pain.

I didn’t deserve them and I didn’t deserve the life they could give me. I choked on the rank scent of Spencer’s breath and knew that was what the future held for me.

He tugged me behind the car, shoved me against the cold metal and pulled at my skirts. “Don’t fight, it’ll all be over soon and you can have your video and all the photos.”

I stared across the parking lot, listening to the loud beat of music inside, praying for this to end.

Spencer grunted behind me. His hands dropped away. I heard feet scuffle on the ground and the faraway sound of voices as they descended.

“Heaven!” I looked over the car and spotted Amber, fear etched in her face.

I couldn’t speak. My hands shook and I turned and saw a different kind of fear, this time plastered across Spencer’s face. Hayden, all muscles and height, held him back. Oliver unleashed, punching him in the gut. Anderson rushed to my side and Jackson paced like a tiger.

“Get his phone,” I cried. “Get his phone!”

Jackson retrieved it from his pocket and I took it, afraid to let go. Then he pushed Oliver out of the way and punched Spencer hard across the jaw. I buried my face in Anderson’s jacket.

“Babe,” he said, holding me tight. “I’m so sorry it took so long. Fucking Mark staged an epic commotion inside, blocking all the doors. Tell me he didn’t hurt you.”

“He didn’t…he didn’t hurt me.” Not physically, at least. Spencer fought against Hayden, struggling uselessly against his muscular frame. Rage consumed me. I stepped forward and spit on him.

“You’re pathetic,” I told him. “Weak. Disgusting. You think what we have is deviant, but you’re the one preying on people’s happiness all because you can’t handle a little fucking rejection.”

He opened his mouth to speak but a shadow stepped out from behind the nearest car. “Did you get it?” I asked, eyeing the camera.

“Yep. Every word.”

Spencer’s expression fell when Eric appeared holding his phone out, recording everything. It was my turn to be smug. “Guess what? The whole world is going to see a video—this video—and then they’ll know what a freaking creep you are.”

I lunged at him, but Hayden jerked him away and Anderson grabbed my arms. Good thing, I thought, as they carried him toward the school. He didn’t deserve anything else from me. Not my anger or rage.

“You’re amazing,” Anderson told me, cupping my face.

“We did it,” I said, leaning into him.

“No,” he replied. “You did it.”

Chapter 27

That was not how the plan was supposed to go down, not with me almost getting assaulted in the parking lot. My dress—Amber’s dress, was ripped. My hair was a ratty mess. I couldn’t imagine what my makeup looked like. Probably similar to a raccoon.

“Are you sure?” Oliver asked, taking the camera from Eric. Yeah, Eric was the guy behind the car, filming Spencer’s confession and downfall.

I nodded, pushing the phone into his hands. Jackson gave me a wary look. I glared back. “He has to be stopped.”

“Yeah but not at the risk of you still losing everything.”

“He threatened to send that to my mom, to the police, and everyone else that could do us harm. He’s right. They should see it but under our terms. It’s time we took back control.”

Jackson nodded and kissed my forehead before walking toward the school to finish what Spencer started.

Three days ago, Oliver figured out what Spencer had been doing to stalk me for the last several months. The school-issued laptops. When we signed the form accepting responsibility for the technology, there was a small box at the bottom. One giving away our rights to information and data on the machine.

We all checked it without thinking of the ramifications, including how easily the webcams attached to each device could be compromised.

Spencer wasn’t just a fucking pervert; he was smart too. He figured out how to hack into our accounts, manage the streaming and record the images. After Anderson and I were together in his room and he turned on the computer, Oliver got the surprise treat of watching me and Anderson together.

Was he mad?

“Are you kidding?” Oliver said during our bathroom meetup the next day. I’d almost melted on the spot from embarrassment.

“Watching you like that, with one of us?” The way he’d looked at me was enough to engulf my body in a different kind of flames, but there was something else, a tension in his shoulders. “It was incredibly hot, but it was also obvious neither of you knew the camera was on. There’s no way Anderson would do something like that without your consent.”

“So he called me,” Jackson explained further, leaning against the bathroom wall. “And I called Eric and we started to piece it together.”

Yep, Eric, one of the ones that’d gotten me into all of this in the first place, helped figure out Spencer’s methods for the Fakestagram and blackmail.

Eric, who’d followed me to the parking lot in his powder blue suit looking pale. Now he stood among us, pushing his glasses up his nose and looking awkward and ashamed.

“Are you okay?” Eric asked me.

I nodded.

“I was terrified he was really going to hurt you.”

None of what happened tonight had been part of our plan. No one thought Spencer would go that far but he did, and because Eric had strict instructions to follow me everywhere I went tonight, we had enough to stop him. For good.

Justin met us just inside the back door. When he saw me, my messed-up hair and torn dress, he pulled into a tight hug. “Holy shit. I couldn’t find you and this was not the plan.”

“We got him,” I said, smiling at my friend. Yeah, Justin was my friend again—although on probation. He still had a lot to prove to me, but I knew deep down he wanted me to be healthy and happy. I wanted the same for him.

He and Eric glanced at one another, their building affection noticeable. When I told Justin I not only needed his help but Eric’s too, he didn’t fight—even offering to call and set it up.

Amber ran out of the gym and into the lobby.

“They’re about to announce the winter formal Prince and Princess.”

“Can’t we just go home?” I asked.

Amber gave me a pleading look. “Ten more minutes?”

I couldn’t say no, not after all she’d done for me. I nodded, hoping the boys got Spencer to the security officer.

“Sure, ten minutes sounds fine.” Anderson wrapped his arm around me, no longer afraid to show his affection, and together we walked back in the gym.

*

Our major plan had been to hijack the stage after the announcement and expose Spencer and Mark for their crimes. Obviously, that wasn’t necessary anymore, and for the first time in weeks I felt an easing of the tension in my shoulders.

The gym was dark, music soft, and everyone faced the front of the room. Ms. Hemmingway, sponsor of the dance, stood before a microphone. Glittery snowflakes hung from the ceiling and blue and white lights cast a frozen glow. It all seemed silly after the altercation in the parking lot.

I’d come for the dance and to celebrate being a high schooler. Amber was right, being here was right. Anderson didn’t leave my side. Neither did Justin. I felt safe between them.

“Time for the moment you’ve all been waiting for,” Ms. Hemmingway announced. Most of the gym groaned. The winter Prince and Princess was a silly tradition, boiled down to popular, beautiful seniors. I spied Mallory and Jennifer with panicked looks on their faces near the stage. They wanted it and wanted it bad.

“First, the Prince,” she said, opening the envelope. She stared at it for a long moment before raising her eyebrow and declaring. “We have a four-way tie. Anderson Thompson, Jackson Hall, Oliver Baldwin, and Hayden Perkins.”

Amber raised an eyebrow. She knew and that’s why she wanted us to stay.

Really, was there any doubt? The Allendale Four were the most popular boys in school. The most handsome and athletic, the most elusive. Even Ms. Hemmingway didn’t seem very surprised.

Every eye in the room searched for one of the Allendale Four. The only visible one was Anderson, who stood next to me. The grin on his face was wide.

“Go,” I said, squeezing his hand and pushing him toward the stage. The others came from the wings with wide, ridiculous grins. Hayden lifted his hands over his head in victory. Jackson crossed the stage with an easy-going swagger, like he knew he’d win all along. And Oliver just looked like a happy puppy, running circles around the stage. They welcomed Anderson from the floor with a big group hug.

Ms. Hemmingway stood before them with the crown in her hands, not sure what to do. Oliver took the crown, Jackson the sash, and Anderson the scepter. Hayden flung his arms around their necks. The student body cheered. Everyone loved these guys. I got it. I loved them, too.

With a roll of her eyes, Ms. Hemmingway turned back to the microphone, another envelope in her hands. “And our Winter Princess is…Heaven Reeves.”

The whole room fell silent—everyone except Mallory, who shouted, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Same, Mallory. Same.

The awkward moment was broken by the four guys on the stage shouting and calling my name.

I shook my head, sure she called the wrong name. Sure this was a huge mistake and another joke on me. My hands shook and my heart pounded as every eye in the room fell on me.

Ms. Hemmingway peered into the crowd, unable to see through the glare of the lights. “Heaven? Are you here?”

Amber nudged me with her shoulder. “Go claim your crown.”

“It’s a prank. Spencer or Mark.”

She shook her head. “Trust me. It’s not. While shit was hitting the fan and your life was taking a spiral, Ben and I decided to throw a monkey wrench into the traditional system of the antiquated themes of the winter dance.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Only Amber could turn a winter formal into a protest vote. I hugged her and she squeezed me tight. It was really nice to have a friend.

“Go. Claim your crown and your men.”

A hand caught mine. Justin smiled. “Need an escort?”

“Sure.”

Together, with my arm linked in his, we took a different walk than the one that kicked all this off months ago. The first time a dozen eyes watched as we exited the bedroom. Now? Hundreds followed us as Justin walked me to the stage.

I kept my eyes ahead, on the Allendale Four waiting for me with handsome faces and brilliant smiles.

“They really do care about you,” Justin said.

My stomach twisted with delight.

“They really do.”

At the edge of the stage Jackson and Hayden rushed over, each grabbing an arm and lifting me off the ground. I squealed, feeling the air escape as I’m crushed in a huge hug. Ms. Hemmingway looked at us skeptically; the rules about us not being together still in place. Soon she’d find out what really happened and by some kind of grace, she didn’t say a word, just placed the sash over my neck and the crown on my head.

She stepped back in front of the microphone. “Introducing the new Princess and, uh, Princes of Allendale High.”

Oliver grabbed the mic out of her hands and shouted, “You can just call us the Allendale Five.”

Under the glare of the bright lights, Oliver’s words echoed through the room and my eyes darted to Mallory’s sour expression and Jennifer’s absolutely shocked face. I skipped to Justin and Eric standing close to one another at the edge of the stage. They’re smiling for me and for themselves. There’d been a shift. I felt it. The room felt it. And it’s only confirmed when Amber shouted from the back of the room, “Allendale Five!” and gave us a double thumbs-up.

Ms. Hemmingway nodded at me in that ‘get off the stage’ kind of way, but with a glance at the boys behind me I stepped forward, toward the microphone.

It squealed, screeching against the silent room. After months of maintaining my silence, letting people speak for me, standing quiet while my classmates texted, liked, and shared my life, I had something to say.

“I’d introduce myself, but even if we’ve never spoken there’s no doubt everyone in this room knows me. Most likely since I moved here in the 6th grade. I've always had the reputation of being a little aloof. Nerdy, maybe? Kept to myself. Some would say bitchy. I would say shy.

“Recently though, other words have been used to describe me:

Whore. Slut. Trash. Cheater

“Why? You know why. Because I slept with Justin Blackwood, and for some reason this was reason to tear me down. Well guess what, I didn't sleep with Justin Blackwood. Why did I pretend? I never thought anyone at school would find out about our lie. Stupid me. From there, the lie took a life of its own and others found a chance to boost their own reputation at the expense of mine.”

I looked down, making eye contact with Justin and then Eric. I didn’t back down.

“Eric? Eric took advantage of a hair straightener incident and worked it in his favor. Garrett tricked me into a date to win another girl, and Ben, as well as almost every other boy in school, simply spoke to me and the rest became history. Or legend. Whatever.

“What most of you don’t know is while you were watching this soap opera unfold, two things happened: first, the world opened up to me in the form of four amazing, handsome, outstanding men.”

I glanced behind me and winked at my boys. They stood in a row, wrapped in Prince-like gear, stunned. When I turned to face the crowd, the back door opened and a blast of light shot into the room. Two figures entered. My mother and Chief O’Neal.

I swallowed back the nerves that rose at the sight of them and continued.

“Besides these amazing new friends, something else occurred. The online harassment went offline. The first time was at a party, where one of our classmates attempted to assault me in the hallway. Luckily, a guardian angel had my back.”

I turned and blew Anderson a kiss. He caught it in his hand and the audience laughed nervously.

“More recently, this same person admitted to me he was behind the Fakestagram account. That he’d been watching and following me. He bragged about hacking the school-issued laptops to watch me when I was unaware.”

That revelation brought a round of gasps and murmurs from the crowd. My mother held her hand over her mouth.

“This person has blackmailed me. Harassed me. Bullied me and,” I pointed to my messy hair and ripped dress, “tried to violate me. He wanted to destroy me, my family, and my friends. He almost succeeded, but what he didn’t realize was that the relationship I have with these guys and with my other friends is stronger than rumor and gossip. He tried to strip that from me. He failed, and I’ll never allow someone to try to take what’s important away from me again. And the rest of you,” I added, giving Justin a nod, “don’t hide who you are either. Don’t let someone shame you into a box. Be with the people you love. Be comfortable in your skin. Because that’s the diversity that makes the world so amazing.”

I made eye contact with my mother and saw the sadness and shame on her face. She didn’t trust me. She didn’t support me. Like everyone else, she’d believed the rumors and lies. Hopefully that would change today.

“Enough of this bullshit,” I said, waving the boys to move closer. “It’s a party, and as your Princess, I demand you celebrate. We’ve got one rat bastard off the streets, and if anyone else messes with the Allendale Five, you’ll meet your day of reckoning. No doubt about that.”

I didn’t know what to expect from my spontaneous speech, but it’s not the roaring round of applause and cheers from the audience. The whole gym went crazy; Amber shouting and pumping a fist in the air. Justin wrapped his arms around Eric, and Eric? He fell into him, like he was coming home.

The band started playing; fast, upbeat music. I felt the arms of my boys surrounding me. I loved the weight, the support and just having them near me. I leaned my head on Jackson’s shoulder and looked each guy in the eye. “No more hiding, got it?”

Each rewarded me with a smile. A perfect smile just for me, and I knew nothing would come between us again.

Chapter 29

Hayden leaned into my giant dress, his hands getting lost under the layers of netting. "Fuck, I think I know why women used to wear these. I can't get to the good stuff. Instant cock blocker."

I laughed at his frustration as he crawled over the dress and gave me a kiss. His mouth was needy and demanding. I couldn’t stop licking his lips. “You taste like sugar,” I told him.

“You too.” We both laugh again, feeling the weight off our shoulders. “That’s what happens when you eat a stack of waffles after the dance.”

“That and my dress is too tight.” I groaned and leaned into the passenger seat. We’d gorged ourselves on waffles after the dance. The boys ate so much I thought they’d explode. After we piled into cars, Hayden offered to drive me back to Oliver’s, where we’re all spending the night.

“That’s why I was trying to take it off.”

I raised an eyebrow. “That’s why?”

“One of the reasons,” he replied. I tucked his hair behind his ear and he stared at me with intense gray eyes. “I was worried about you, babe. If Spencer had done something to you…”

I placed my fingers over his mouth, not wanting to hear the name. “He didn’t. He’s done. We’ll go down to the police station tomorrow and confirm our statements.”

He nodded and straightened my tiara, stealing one more kiss before hopping out of the car. Hayden jogged around the front and opened the passenger door for me.

“Such a gentleman.”

“I just hope you think the same thing about me later,” he smirked and pulled me into his arms. His comment rattled me; the thought of being taken by Hayden, with his raw strength and masculinity, sent a thrill through my body. He lowered his mouth to mine, kissing me so hard it took my breath away. His fingers dug into my back and I relished the feeling.

“When?” I asked, wobbly-kneed.

His eyes darkened in understanding, but headlights flashing down the drive interrupted his thoughts. Instead he said, “Tonight is about all of us. Four princes and our princess.”

Oliver’s Mustang pulled up and all three guys jumped out. It was a relief to see them, to be back together like this, without stalkers and judgments and everything else.

“You sure your mom is okay with you coming over?” Jackson asked.

“I told her we’d talk tomorrow and she agreed to let me have my space tonight.” There’d been a change in her after my speech. Hopefully in the whole school. I knew I’d walked into that dance as one person and left as another.

I frowned, noticing the boys all staring at me. I looked down, fussing with my dress, wondering if I spilled butter down the front. Nope. Nothing. “What?”

“With all the insanity tonight, I don’t know if we properly told you how absolutely beautiful you look tonight,” Jackson said.

“Gorgeous,” Oliver added.

Anderson’s eyes swept over my body. “Breathtaking.”

“Well, you all look pretty handsome, too.” The moon sat high overhead and I glanced up, seeing a million stars above. “And I’d love to stay out here, but I’m freezing my ass off.”

Hayden laughed, kissed me, and jogged up the steps, followed by Anderson, who trailed his hand down my back. “I’ll go find the blankets.”

“Thank you.”

Jackson stopped before me, took my hands in his and said, “They lied tonight when they called you princess, babe.”

I frowned. “What?”

“You’re a fucking queen.” He kissed me gently and then whispered in my ear. “I can’t wait to treat you like one; pamper you head to toe.”

Okay, so I wasn’t exactly cold anymore.

“Promise?” The words came out in a croak.

There was zero doubt in his eyes. “Promise.”

He sealed that with a kiss, harder than the one before, and I had no doubt whatever Jackson had in store was worth waiting for. He ran up the steps and I turned to face Oliver. He stood with his hands in his pockets, giving me the strangest face.

Unlike the other boys, I didn’t see the primal hunger that had built between us. I saw something else intermingled with the certain lust.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.

He took a step forward. “I’m so proud of you, Heaven. I had no idea where this would lead when I picked you up in the store parking lot that day. You were scared, pissed, and hot. So fucking hot. I didn’t know we’d end up your protectors, defenders, and best friends.” He closed the gap between us. “I didn’t know you’d bring us closer and add so much pleasure and light to our lives.”

“I didn’t know that either,” I said, watching him closely.

He slid one arm around my waist and another around my neck. I felt his breath, smelled the syrup from before. “I certainly had no idea we’d find love. True, unbiased, kick-us-in-the-ass love.”

My heat stammered. “Thank you for letting me join the circle.”

“Thank you for giving us a shot at heaven.”

He kissed me on the lips then surprised me by lifting me in the air, carrying me bridal-style up the apartment stairs and through the front door. Inside, the others were waiting for us, and I’d never felt so grateful and happy in my life.

All of this started with a prank.

It ended with the best happily ever after.

I hope to follow up A Piece of Heaven with a few novellas of the crew as they go through college. Please let me know if this is something you’d like in reviews or on my group, Angel’s Antics.

Until then you can check out my other books, Raven Queen’s Harem (complete!) and The Supers of Project 12 (Final book releases June 30th!) or any of my other books, located on Amazon.

Acknowledgments

I wanted to take a quick moment to say that long ago I saw the trailer for Easy A. I loved it. And the movie was good but it let me down a little. That’s one reason I love reverse harem. Sometimes I’ll have an idea I’m mulling about for years and then suddenly it clicks! It’s a fun set up but it needs more, way more, like 4 hot guys more.

This story also came at the perfect time for me because my teen has been struggling with depression, anxiety and other issues. I’ve always thought that fiction and reality merge at times and the anxieties Heaven feels are real (even downplayed) for teens today. I hate it so much and if I can resonate with one person that they’re not alone then maybe I’ve accomplished something.

And finally, yes, I did name Heaven after the VC Andrews book. I was obsessed with that author and series as a teenager and I always knew I would put her name in a book of my own. I’m excited it was this story.

Special thanks to VC Edits, AngstyG for my cover, Ava Mason for story support and cover input, LJ Swallow for always being there, Jennifer Gibson for being an amazing beta reader and Soobee for being the biggest pimper a girl could ask for. And of course, the girls over at Angel’s Antics for being superawesomefuntime! You’re the best!

See you soon!

Angel

Grab a book by Angel Lawson Today!

Angel Lawson Books

(Reverse Harem)

Raven Queen’s Harem:

Raven’s Mark (Part 1)

Ebony Rising (Part 2)

Black Magic (Part 3)

Obsidian Fire (Part 4)

Onyx Eclipse (Part 5)

Midnight’s End (Part 6)

*Raven’s Gift (Holiday Novella)

*

Huntress: Trial of Gods

*

The Elites: Supers of Project 12

Sentinels: Supers of Project 12 (Book 2)

Rogues: Supers of Project 12 (Book 3)

Heroes: Supers of Project 12 (Book 4)

The Death Fields: A Post Apocalyptic Thriller

The Girl Who Shot First

The Girl Who Punched Back

The Girl Who Kicked Ass

The Girl Who Kissed the Sun

The Girl Who Broke Free

The Girl Who Saved the World

Creature of Habit Series (Paranormal Romance)

Creature of Habit (Book 1)

Creature of Habit (Book2)

Creature of Habit (Book 3)

A Vampire’s Seduction (Ryan’s Story Book 4)

A Vampire’s Fate (Sebastian’s Story Book 5)

The Wraith Series (YA Paranormal Romance)

Wraith

Shadow Bound

Grave Possession

Urban Fantasy

The Lost Queen

Vigilant

Contemporary Romance:

FanGirl-A Girl Who Shot First Companion Novel

For the Win

Table of Contents

- Chapter 1
- Chapter 2
- Chapter 3
- Chapter 4
- Chapter 5
- Chapter 6
- Chapter 7
- Chapter 8
- Chapter 9
- Chapter 10
- Chapter 11
- Chapter 12
- Chapter 13
- Chapter 14
- Chapter 15
- Chapter 16
- Chapter 17
- Chapter 18
- Chapter 19
- Chapter 20
- Chapter 21
- Chapter 22
- Chapter 23
- Chapter 24
- Chapter 25
- Chapter 26
- Chapter 27
- Chapter 29