The Midnight Grind: A Tribute to "Exploitation" Films of the 70S, 80S, and Beyond
Date: 2012-02-02 05:00:00+00:00
Description: THE MIDNIGHT GRIND is a grinding trip back to the nights of yesteryear where "Exploitation" films both shocked and entertained as Hollywood and Filmmakers in general loosened censorship with uncut reviews of some of the greatest of these plus decade-themed short stories at the end of each decade's chapter that will keep readers in the proper time-period mind set!
Publisher: Authorhouse

THE MIDNIGHT GRIND

A Tribute to “Exploitation” Films
of the 70s, 80s, and Beyond

KEN KNIGHT

AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403
www.authorhouse.com

Phone: 1-800-839-8640

© 2012 by Ken Knight. All rights reserved.

Reviews and Commentary ©2012 by Ken Knight

Bygone Dreams” “The Last Good Bet” “Drink” and “Ended with a Hung Jury” short-stories

Cover Design by Charles Shouse

100% of the Author’s Royalties from the sales of this book are donated to MAKE-A-WISH® Charity.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

This is the work of commentary and reviews regarding films and works by various entities. All critiques and photos contained herein are intended as Fair Use for the purpose of film review and no copyright or original ownership infringement is intended here whatsoever.

First published by AuthorHouse 01/31/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4685-4790-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-4789-4 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012901627

Printed in the United States of America

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CONTENTS

SHOWCASE
70’S

“SEXPLOITATION”

“NAZIPLOITATION”

RAPE~REVENGE FILMS

BLACKSPLOITATION

CARSPLOITATION

SHOCKSPLOITATION

SHOWCASE
80’S

SEXPLOITATION ~and~
“SEX COMEDY”

PARODY / “SPOOF”

NINJA films

GORESPLOITATION

VIGILANTE

BLAXPLOITATION

WOMEN-IN-PRISON

BEYOND THE
BLACK DOOR

SHOWCASE
90’S

EROTIC THRILLERS

COPSPLOITATION

BIKERSPLOITATION

SPORTSPLOITATION

PORNSPLOITATION

SHOWCASE
2000’S

“LONELY GUY” films

RAPE~REVENGE

SEXPLOITATION

TOONSPLOITATION

“SALUTES”

VIGILANTE

INTERVIEWS AND BONUS COMMENTARY

About the Author

For those who have greatly assisted me in my research for this book and gave me valuable insight into past films, performers, and Hollywood itself: Cirsten Weldon, Tony Calhoun, Todd Wooten, and Justin Bozung. Also for the all-too-sexy Actresses who entertained guy-flick fans (like me) on late-night Cable TV back in the “good ol’ days” of the 1980s: Lori Sutton, Kitten Natividad, Louisa Moritz, Linda Blair, Sybil Danning, and Patty Duffek.

THE MIDNIGHT GRIND is respectfully dedicated to all of you!

A “Guy-Flick” is a term coined by Film Critic Ken Knight to distinguish certain movies MEN particularly enjoy over other forms of entertainment, the antithesis to “Guy-Cry Flick” and “Chick Flick”.

Exploitation films usually featured suggestive or explicit sex, sensational violence, drug use, full nudity, freaks, gore, the bizarre, destruction, rebellion, and bedlam. Such films have existed since the early days of moviemaking, but they were popularized in the 1970s with the general relaxing of censorship and cinematic taboos in the USA. Their producers also used sensational imagery to attract limited audiences. Most of these are low-budget movies that would not be played in theaters today and if left un-cut would likely receive an “NC-17” rating even in the U.S.

A Cult Film (also known as a cult movie/picture or a cult classic) is a movie that has acquired a highly devoted but specific group of fans. Often, cult movies have failed to achieve fame outside the small fan-bases. Such is the fan-following to films of low-popularity; the analogy to a “cult” is made.

Here in THE MIDNIGHT GRIND you’ll catch a view of plots and characters you may never know of otherwise and unique films of the American past that may (or may not) have made it onto DVD today.

Here in THE MIDNIGHT GRIND you’ll step inside the fantasy realm of this unique brand of adults-only entertainment shown in theaters decades ago that are now delegated to the “cult movie” section of the DVD shelves and mail-order Internet sites.

Here in THE MIDNIGHT GRIND you’ll witness the cinematic past you may have only heard rumors of from New York’s old 42nd Street theaters of legend to the X-rated drive-in shows after midnight.

If it’s gritty, gutsy, vivacious, enticing action and arousal you want, just stick a handgun in your pants and climb inside your ol’ Dodge Challenger…

SHOWCASE
70’S

Having been born in the pinnacle year of 1970 myself, I sometimes lament the fact that I was too young to have truly “experienced” that decade, my surviving memories of the time period being of kindergarten and ascending school years, learning to ride a bike, watching a TV that had an adjustable antenna in back, and of course sitting in my parents’ car as they waited to re-fuel at gas stations during the OPEC Oil Embargo.

I remember watching “Starsky and Hutch” on TV back then as well as how the sun would shine though the windows of my parents’ home most mornings, and thinking my GI JOE with the Kung Fu-grip was the most bitchin’ thing in life, so I certainly wasn’t of age to experience the 1970’s as some of you did, because back then a kid was truly beholden to his parents (as it should be!) and a kid didn’t get launched into the adult world back then like so many are today. Back in the 1970’s movie theaters actually made you show ID to see an R-rated film and if you weren’t 17 years of age seated in a “Grindhouse” movie, you’d be summarily tossed out by the adult “Usher” who’d kick your ass for putting your feet up on the chair in front of you! So what do you remember the most about the 1970s, perhaps the adult-themed movies shown in theaters mostly late at night or in select theaters in New York, Detroit, Washington DC? Yes damn it, I’m talking about the kind of movies you don’t take your Mom to see… . the films of the ol’ “Grindhouse” theaters and late night drive-in theaters where gratuitous sex and violence ruled the screen as well as outrageous stunts, low-ball actors and chesty actresses were the main fare.

“Exploitation” Films with “Cult” Followings came alive in the early 1970’s, some of the more “known” ones being DEATH WISH, GATOR BAIT, and EMMANUELLE, not to mention the infamously taboo MANDINGA and I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE of the same decade. Sitting in a dark and dusty theater along New York’s 42nd Street and Times Square, or maybe even the theaters of San Francisco’s Market Street, you would have seen otherwise obscure films like THE BLACK GESTAPO, TOO HOT TO HANDLE, BLOOD SUCKING FREAKS, SATANICO PANDEMONIUM, and maybe even POLICEWOMEN if you made it to the right theater that night! Unlike the “Warning” Exploitation films of the 50’s and early 60’s that made use of taboo subjects like smoking grass or having pre-marital sex as a less-than-subtle warning against such practices, the Exploitation Films of the 70’s and beyond reveled in the sheer danger of sex and violence without any such subliminal “warning” to the adult audiences watching them in those old dark theaters (which used to be burlesque halls!) The films shown were often rarely-popular amongst the movie-going masses, garnishing (instead of obscurity) a small but dedicated fan-base whom kept the film “alive” in years to come by telling others about the unique B-movie or Exploitation film and getting just a few more fans which would later justify its cult-status for a videotape release and DVD sales 20 years later!

For the most part, the later “survival” of Exploitation and “cult” films owed their shelf-life in videotape and later DVD to the fans of such films demanding their release for home-viewing, some ardent fans even resorting to letter-writing campaigns to Hollywood film companies and even videotape production companies that could buy the rights and mass-produce copies for the public. Hard portrayals of bloody murder, illicit sex, fiery car crashes, and outrageous dialogue were the primo ingredient in Exploitation films of the 70’s and beyond, setting the tone for future (but less often) films of the genre in the near-future, some of which are reviewed here for your reading pleasure

Yes, there are “sub-genres” within the Exploitation Films of the 70’s and beyond>>>

“Carsplotation”

“Biker Films”

“Blacksploitation” or “Blaxploitation”

“Naziploitation”

“Sexploitation”

“Mondo Films”

“Rape-Revenge films”

“Slasher Films”

“Women-in-prison films”

“Shocksploitation”

Each sub-genre category has its fans and adherents whom could cite frame-for-frame their favorite flick of each category here, and perhaps you might have already thought of a film you’ve seen to place in one of these sub-categories above.

For example, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE along with 1981’s MS. 45 would fall under “Rape-Revenge Films” and BLACULA as well as COFFY would fall under “Blaxploitation” due to their content and subject-matter focused on the one defining “exploitive” theme! Then the quasi-documentary film series FACES OF DEATH would be considered “Mondo” Films and PIECES would be naturally considered a “Slasher film” of course. There are the multiple-category films such as ILSA: SHE-WOLF OF THE SS which would roundly be considered both “naziploitation” as well as “shocksploitation” for its Nazi-theme, graphic cruelty and gore portrayed throughout.

Not all “Exploitation” films were delegated to back room theaters and BETA/VHS years ago, some were more mainstreamed with top-tier actors and actresses, but still qualified as Exploitation type of film nonetheless. Take 1971’s STRAW DOGS starring Dustin Hoffman and Susan George. It was and still is one of the best fictionalized accounts of both “rape-and-revenge” as well as that old animal-kingdom dictum of “survival of the fittest”. Watch that now-classic film on DVD and you’ll see what I mean!

Many of these “Cult” films of yesteryear tend to show their audiences (intentionally or otherwise) certain like-it-or-not human elements within the scope of the filmed story not always like most fictional films would dare showcase! Whether it be the silent (but sometimes deadly) struggle for dominance among men of different races, creeds, and backgrounds, the competition for women and money, even the dangerous criminal underworld which permeates every human society no matter where you hang your hat.

Make no mistake about it my friends; it is after dark when the “real world” comes out to play (as former LAPD Detective Mark Fuhrman says) and that real world can eat you alive if you step in to its domain unannounced. This is where “Exploitation” Films come in handy as a vicarious (and safe) look into some harrowing and not-always-unreal experiences fictionally portrayed to shock, titillate, amuse, entertain, and even insult you within a couple of hours time! From the 1970’s through the excessive-yet conservative 1980’s, the faster 1990’s, all the way up to right here and now… Living vicariously is what we tend to do in some way, shape, or form whether it be in watching sports, or watching movies like these and wishing your life wasn’t so predictable and “boring”?

Beware to those whom enter here, for within this book lies reality and fantasy, a line between the two so thin you might just miss it if you’re driving too fast… .

“SEXPLOITATION”

BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

(1970) Directed by Russ Meyer. Written by Roger Ebert.

This film broke the mold when they released it in the summer of 1970 and it still holds it own between a pair of big tits to this day. World War II Veteran Russ Meyer became a legend in the budding “Guy-Flick” fandom born out of the late 60’s directing films that expounded upon the glorious shape and bare figures of La-Femmes-So-Damn-Fine!

Russ Meyer was the 70’s MASTER of what would later be coined “gratuitous nudity” in 80s and 90s films of the same R-rated caliber, giving the viewer a sudsy viewpoint of the naked female form as it was meant to be filmed, without apologies! BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS (available today on DVD) was Meyer’s epic launch into filmmaking throughout the 1970s, later giving us even greater flicks such as UP! starring the ultra-stacked Kitten Natividad and superwoman Raven De La Croix. BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS is a must-see for if you haven’t already, and though slow in plot for the first 30 minutes or so, you’ll agree it is rather priceless as a film of its kind.

BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR

(1972) Directed by Jim and Artie Mitchell

The first feature-length hardcore film widely-released in American Theaters for its time, directed by the Mitchell Brothers and starring soon-to-be famous Porn Starlet Marilyn Chambers, BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR actually received mostly favorable reviews in the mainstream press of the early 70s for its “artistic relevance” and of course the MPAA gave it an X-rating. This film along with DEEP THROAT launched what is nowadays considered the “Golden Age” of Adult Cinema (1972-1982) by bringing Porn flicks out from 8mm loops and smutty clips with no storyline and about as far into “mainstream” filmmaking as they could possibly go, thus setting a broader stage for later X-rated feature films such as 1979’s CALIGULA. Marilyn Chambers’s 45-minute hardcore sex scene with black Boxer Johnny Keyes made BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR even more taboo-controversial in the early 1970s and is reportedly the very first (widely-marketed) interracial sex scene between a black man and a white woman to be released on film.

Marilyn Chambers went on to make X-rated feature films on and off from the 1970s to the 21st Century, her infamy stemming from the well-done Mitchell feature porn flick BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR making her a Porn Star to rival all others from the time period and without a doubt the one name stamped upon X-rated films’ “Golden Age” along with fan-favorite X-rated performers John Holmes, Seka, and Vanessa Del Rio.

As far as Adult films of the 1970s go, BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR is in my opinion one of the best of its kind for what it was budgeted, a surrealistic escape into sexual fantasy few people would venture into for real, and that is what makes it entertaining!

Theatrical Release Poster for BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR (1972)

ILSA : The Tigress of Siberia (1977)

Directed by Jean LaFleur. Produced by Roger Corman and Ivan Reitman

The final installment of the infamous “ILSA” film series with the enigmatic sadist known only as “Ilsa” as the main protagonist in each. From “Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS” to the more modern “Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks” straight to the ’77 finale of the series, THE TIGRESS OF SIBERIA the sexy but dangerous and duplicitous Ilsa character made an impression upon whoever elected to buy a ticket to the “Grindhouse” theaters showing the Ilsa films (mainstream theaters refused back then) or rent/buy the films on Beta or VHS videotape. “Ilsa” was played by the voluptuous, super-gorgeous Dyanne Thorne in the three films, and I daresay no one but her could have pulled it off the way Dyanne did with a blend of mysterious sexuality mixed in with sadistic ire and cruelty displayed at a moment’s notice and let’s not forget about Ilsa’s penchant for torture-killing men and her habit of cutting their balls off among other cruelties levied on her “enemies”. The ILSA films played upon the fearful subject of human male castration a bit too much but such fiendish plot elements got the viewer’s attention and kept it!

In THE TIGRESS OF SIBERIA, Dyanne Thorne’s character of “Ilsa” is a Gulag Warden during the twilight years of Stalinist Russia and “Comrade Colonel” relishes her role of “rehabilitating” dissidents even though most captives in her charge end up dead or severely maimed on-a-whim if Ilsa sees fit. (No chick could make a fur coat look as sexy as Dyanne Thorne did in this film). A certain prisoner by the name of Andrei Chukorin comes to Ilsa’s camp and it appears that Chukorin cannot be “broken” under torture, this of course enrages Col. Ilsa and she pours it on thick, even putting Chukorin within reach of a hungry tiger. Ilsa’s group of male guards whom she refers to as her “Brotherhood of Cossacks” are just as cruel as Ilsa is, fired-up by the chance to have sex with Ilsa when nightfall arrives. This is where the sexploitation comes into play… Ilsa has her guards fight one another while she watches and the winner gets to fuck her, while the loser gets to fool around with the lesser-attractive female troops working there in Ilsa’s camp.

Ilsa and her mates romp in the sack quite vribrantly, giving up a good softcore sex scene that surpassed 70s-era standards, which of course delegated ILSA films to the late night drive-thru and “Grindhouse” venues across the US back then.

Ilsa’s reign as Camp Commandant in the Gulag comes to an abrupt end once Stalin dies in 1953 and she along with just a few of her “Cossacks” have to bail and haul-ass out of the Soviet Union, killing the rest of the prisoners except for a crafty Andrei Chukorin who manages to escape and work for the KGB later in search for the escaped ILSA! Flash forward to late 1960s Canada and a “massage parlor” owned by ILSA (who has taken another identity but doesn’t appear to be a day older!) where Soviet Olympians and KGB (including Andrei Chukorin) are nearby. The KGB realizes who ILSA is and send in Chukorin to intercept. ILSA meanwhile is living high off the hog in her new lifestyle as a “Madam” and is still up to her old sex games… letting her male henchmen watch her take a shower, lathering up for a sudsy tease display that accents actress Dyanne Thorne’s incredible physique all the more. At the end of her shower, ILSA decides that she will choose her lovers tonight instead of having the guys fight it out, one of her choices being the bald-headed black dude she calls “Ebony” and thus a vigorous sex scene between ILSA and her black henchman ensues. Of course ILSA is not one to be left out of the cold nor in the dark… . so she soon realizes someone is out to nail her ass to a wall and she responds accordingly, one such reaction is a gasoline-filled waterbed that explodes to incinerate an opponent. (I don’t think an exploding waterbed has been used in cinema ever since!). Andrei Chukorin is once again captured by ILSA who threatens him with castration unless he surrenders to her, but the KGB has other things in mind for what they call “Stalin’s Bitch” and attack. With a load of money and a snowmobile, ILSA takes off but is eventually stymied in a crash so Chukorin gets the best of her in the end.

THE TIGRESS OF SIBERIA is actually the only film where ILSA survives at the end.

ILSA: The Tigress of Siberia (Videotape Box Cover)

Variant Theatrical Poster of ILSA~
THE TIGRESS OF SIBERIA (autographed)

Actress Dyanne Thorne portrayed the cruel-but-sexy ILSA like she owned the role and was destined to play such a unique and unorthodox killer, her persona and physique crafting the character into what fans of the 70s “sexploitation” and “naziploitation” genres know and love to this day. ILSA set the bar so damn high no one has resumed the role, or even indicated that a “re-make” is in the works by any means. Really, no actress that I know of at this time could pull it off anywhere near Dyanne Thorne’s depiction!

Dyanne had a “look” that crossed her pretty face when she played ILSA, a “lick my boots” glare at men around her that gave the character of ILSA a mean but undeniably alluring appearance which made viewers both adore and fear her as a character. Get into bed with ILSA and if you failed to satisfy, she’d castrate you! One more thing Dyanne Thorne brought to the ILSA films was her statuesque body that filled out a uniform like no other actress of the 1970s ever did, making ILSA the kind of iconic female character that stood on her own pedestal… too tough to be a Playboy Bunny, too mean and selfish to be someone’s hot wife, and too damn sexy to ever forget after you’ve seen her.

There are those whom enjoy a rather “S+M” viewpoint of sexual scenarios like the ones depicted in the ILSA films, men who like to be “under foot” of powerful women and for those cats, ILSA is the perfect “Mistress Bitch” to lick boots for and cow in fear!

All three ILSA films have also been called “men-in-prison” Exploitation films, but I think they fall more under “sexploitation” due to the centerpiece being ILSA and her clothes coming off, fucking men she deems worthy, castrating those who fail her, and making sexuality her main course for both torture and pleasure. ILSA was the ultimate “Femme Fatale” in-the-flesh on the silver screen and videotape, too hot and alluring to be forgotten but too harshly controversial to be re-released on DVD too easily.

H.O.T.S. (1979)

Directed by Gerald Seth Sindell. Written by W. Terry Davis.

One of the very first sexploitation flicks to star Playboy® Playmates as the main characters, H.O.T.S. is a new sorority of hot college chicks who are locked in a bitter rivalry with the Girls of PI sorority, and as any straight man can imagine, the hot chicks of H.O.T.S. have plenty of smoking-hot escapades throughout the film. Playboy Playmate Susan Kiger plays the bubbly blonde sexpot “Honey Shayne” who leads the sorority to infamy on campus along with actress Lisa London as the big-boobed redhead “Ohara” and you don’t have to wait too long for either of them to start losing their clothes!

This late 70s sexy romp of a flick ushered in the concept of “sex comedy” (which we get into at the dawn of the 1980s) where humor, nudity, and sexual situations all come together in an anything-but-serious motif where the viewer is left laughing while wishing he (or she) was in the film with the bare bods bouncing around in and out of a hot tub!

H.O.T.S. is a fun ride thru a bullshit “sorority” complete with strip-football, a steamy sex scene in yes, a hot tub… with bumbling crooks and a mean College Dean who wants to shut down any and all nudity but the “H.O.T.S.” gals win the booby-prize!

UP! (1976)

Written and Directed by Russ Meyer

Now who in their right (straight) mind would ever disagree with the mondo-chested Kitten Natividad who was a regular staple in the 70s sexploitation films of Russ Meyer who left this life too soon over a decade ago? Amazing as Russ Meyer was filming the chesty vixens cast in his B-movies of the 1970s, none have held a candle to his brand of filmmaking since other than Andy Sidaris (who we’ll discuss later!). With chesty Burlesque Circuit legends such as Raven De La Croix and Kitten Natividad cast in this film as well as the classic Meyer film BENEATH THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRA-VIXENS, the quirky but bare-bodied “UP!” is a sexploitation film classic of the 1970s that is a must-see for anyone who appreciates buxom female physiques. With Kitten Natividad as a nude narrator in this comical flick that focuses more on nudity than plotline, it makes a straight guy wish the world of Meyer and his busty babes was everyday-life!

CALIGULA (1979)

Written by Gore Vidal, Malcolm McDowell, and Tinto Bass.

Directed by Tinto Brass, Giancarlo Lui, and Bob Guccione.

A “biographical” sexploitation film partially-directed by Penthouse® Magazine Publisher Bob Guccione starring mainstream actors Malcolm McDowell, Peter O’Toole, and Helen Mirren in an X-rated feature film that sprung from an original script written by the legendary Gore Vidal who worked with Bob Guccione to get this project on the launch pad. Guccione insisted on adding hardcore sex scenes and full nudity in order to fall under the Penthouse magazine banner, Gore Vidal later disowned the project, the film was made, troubles were madly-abundant while filming was being done, and the totally-unedited version became available pretty much only in the US and UK. What this film became was something that will likely never be done again: the blending of mainstream actors and actresses involved in an X-rated film (later deemed “unrated”) with porn performers doing the hardcore scenes while the main actors stood nearby. CALIGULA is the story of the young Roman Emperor of the same name who by murdering Emperor Tiberius becomes the all-powerful Roman Emperor while suffering from gross mental instability, an incestuous relationship with his sister, killing friends and foes on-a-whim, fist-raping Roman soldiers and raping their brides on their wedding nights, conducting mass-executions in public, weekly orgies where he turns the wives of senators into whores, and even castrating the husband of one of his rape-victims and having the man’s balls sent to his wife! Caligula was a tyrant who is historical but also a name synonymous with unchecked tyranny and sexual debauchery. Actor Malcolm McDowell portrayed a convincingly brutal Caligula with obvious relish, so fiendish his acting in the role he’s scary! Then there are the hardcore scenes of fellatio and intercourse shown later on in the film along with one masturbation sequence where a Roman woman is using men as if she was squeezing juice from oranges! (you get the picture). A “shock” movie with raucous sexual scenes and carnal indulgence only a porno-hound could love!

THE STUD (1978)

Directed by Quentin Masters. Based on the novel by Jackie Collins.

Based on Jackie Collins steamy novel by the same name, THE STUD is an erotic flick starring Jackie’s older sister Joan Collins as the sensual character “Fontaine Khaled”, the London wife of a rich but ultimately dull businessman, and she is a woman with a passion for partying at her nightclub called “Hobo” and enjoying sex since she has one hell of a fiery libido! Fontaine even hires a new manager and his chief job requirement is to keep Fontaine sexually-satisfied, although his own sexual interest turns to her sexy adult stepdaughter who wants to use him to get back at Fontaine for cheating on her father… so you can see where this plotline is heading. Good sex scenes and for a woman in her mid-forties at the time Joan Collins was drop-dead gorgeous with a cherry on top! This film’s infamous pool orgy scene is worth watching all by itself if the rest of the film isn’t your cup of tea. Jackie Collins is the only female fiction author whose books I have collected over the years, her style of writing in a class all by itself.

THE BITCH (1979)

Directed and Written by Gerry O’Hara. Based on the novel by Jackie Collins

A sequel to THE STUD, this British film once again proves that the juicy mix of a Jackie Collins erotic story and her eternally-sexy sister Joan Collins makes for an unforgettable feature film. Fontaine Khaled is the owner of a trendy London disco, a divorcee and facing financial problems, but still finding time for casual sexual flings as a man-eater extraordinaire, even seducing her male chauffeur for a romp them kicking him out when it came time for her to take a bath (though he kept his job so she must have enjoyed him).

Though the plot of the film differs slightly than the overall plot of the novel, Joan Collins as Fontaine Khaled doesn’t fail to entertain her audience with smashing good-looks, a killer body, unquenchable libido, saucy attitude and selfish agenda that’ll make a man either want to slap her or ask her to marry him (hey, some guys do love a super-bitch!).

In this film Fontaine has to deal with the Mafia and her lover’s mixing with the London Mob results in him getting in too deep financially between the Mobsters and Fontaine.

When a sexy femme-fatale seduces him (a very well choreographed sex scene) she informs him of the trouble he faces and asks: “What kind of ladies’ man would you be with your balls cut off?” Of course it’s Fontaine who holds all the marbles in this film from beginning to end and that is the allure of this type of “sexploitation” flick, the conniving female character who has everyone around her by-the-balls. It is said that both films THE STUD and THE BITCH revived Joan Collins’ career at the time and helped in get the role of “Alexis Carrington” on the “DYNASTY” TV series which is what she is best known for. I for one wish more of Jackie Collins’ novels get made into movies such as this because she is an excellent storyteller of the decadent-rich-and-powerful types of characters that make for great fiction entertainment.

“NAZIPLOITATION”

ILSA: She-Wolf of the SS (1974)

Directed by Don Edmonds, Written by Jonah Ryston

Actress Dyanne Thorne in her most remembered role which launched the “ILSA” trilogy of sexual terror, and of the ILSA films, this one is the most abundant movie-poster wise, the image of Ilsa standing in her Nazi uniform making it onto t-shirts and even a resin statue that one had to paint and customize! The “Nazi” incarnation of Ilsa was actually based on a very real Nazi bitch named Ilsa Koch whose SS Officer husband ran a Concentration camp known as Buchenwald, his sadistic wife Ilsa gaining a name for herself for sexually-teasing male prisoners and even having tattoos cut off prisoners for her to save in a macabre “collection” later used against her when she was put on trial for crimes against humanity at the end of the war. The fictional “ILSA” of the 70s films was even more sadistic and sexually-depraved, the Nazi Ilsa preferring castration of men who do not satisfy her and fiendish torture of women she dislikes. Ilsa was the epitome of the 70s “Naziploitation” subgenre because she represented a sadistic Nazi bitch with absolute power over her prisoners much like the Soviet Ilsa in THE TIGRESS OF SIBERIA, becoming a “Sexy Sadist” whose sole purpose was to dominate men and whoever disappointed her at least got their balls cut off. Pandering to the fear of castration, the films like SHE-WOLF OF THE SS kept viewers’ attention with the exploitative threat and Ilsa’s untamed sexual heat kept boiling via actress Dyanne Thorne who knew how to keep her character walking a thin line between amorous sex-kitten and vile villainess.

Ilsa is a Concentration Camp Officer who likes to test the sexual prowess of male inmates and those who fail her are castrated(namely ones who climax prematurely!) and she takes relish in torturing one particular female prisoner to gratuitous lengths, this film bordering on what film critics today would consider “sado-masochist”. Nazis are perfect fodder for “Exploitation” films and continue to be exactly that because Nazis of the WWII type are totally impossible to “improve” upon as anything “good”, therefore they are the perfect villain and easy to hate and the public hates Nazis all too easily regardless of the scope of the storyline! ILSA SHE-WOLF OF THE SS was the quintessential Exploitation film of the short-lived but memorable “Naziploitation” films of the 1970s with the equally-graphic SS DEATHCAMP that also had a castration theme to it as well as plenty of sex “in pursuit of the master race” as one tagline said on an old VHS copy.

Actress Dyanne Thorne sculpted the image of the busty blonde “Nazi Bitch” that lingers to this day deep within the Exploitation genre and its fans. Ilsa ended up either dead or trapped somewhere in each of her films, whereas the real Ilsa Koch of Nazi Germany was brought to justice after WWII and imprisoned for her demented, torturous treatment of camp prisoners and was one source of the macabre “human skin-lampshade” stories, so she was the perfect example for Filmmakers to craft a Nazi villainess.

“Naziploitation” films are by far the rare bird of Exploitation Cinema, fewer in number than most of the other sub-genres but are among the most “shocking” and therefore narrowly bypassing the “shocksploitation” category if not for the obvious “Nazi” indicator so zealously thrust before the audience as in ILSA: SHE-WOLF OF THE SS and of course SS DEATHCAMP among a few other low-ball examples. Nazis are the easiest villain, easily recognized and “authoritarian” to a fault, coupled with the rather overt displays of sadomasochistic behavior and innuendo in such films, this sub-genre is by far the most “shocking” next to the Cannibal and Death-scene films made during the later 1970s. The femme-fatale character of “Ilsa” defined Naziploitation of the 1970s as sexy but sadistic and murderous all rolled into one, a woman any straight man would love to fuck but might hesitate to consider such seeing the power the bitch wields! So tell me guys, who would risk his balls for a shot at Ilsa… . seriously… . any takers?

Nazis-as-villains after the 1990s became more of a punch line except in serious films about World War II such as in the film “U-571”. Director/Writer/Actor Quentin Tarantino gave us the film “INGLORIOUS BASTERDS” in 2009 which is a war film with a historical-fiction spin, its principle Nazi character being a charmingly sadistic SS Colonel named Hans Landa aka: “The Jew Hunter” (played by actor Christoph Waltz) and thus the exploitative “Nazi villain” is therefore revived for the 21st Century!

The term “Nazi” is both a joke and a serious insult nowadays, hurled at people who are too rigid or authoritarian about certain things in life, and some people who allegedly sympathize with the tenets of Nazism (oftentimes a false accusation). Some might call the enforcers of their Homeowners Association “Nazis” for citing them about their lawns, while some pissed off denizens hurl the term “Nazi” at Caucasian Police Officers during a protest march. It’s all in the context I guess, the shortened term for “National Socialist” (Nazi) becoming both a joke and an insult 60+ years after World War II ended, although those who suffered under real Nazism 60+ years ago don’t use the term very lightly!

Yes, there are “Neo-Nazis” on the American scene these days, White Supremacists who march, fight, and occasionally commit crimes in the name of saving the White Race from extinction but they are far too few in number to succeed, never achieving a damn thing marching around in Nazi regalia as if they’re in a time warp. As far as Nazi regalia is concerned, I know a few fans of Exploitation Cinema who’ve run into negative reactions when they wore such attire as fans of Naziploitation… . one was a guy I know who went to a Sci-Fi Fantasy Convention a few years back wearing an SS Officer’s uniform with a latex skull-mask over his head (costumed as a “Zombie-Nazi”) and the Convention Staff ordered him to leave because his costume was “offensive”. One lady I know wore an SS Officer’s cap to a recent re-showing of ILSA: SHE-WOLF OF THE SS in a California theater and got a few mean stares from black guys who didn’t know she was just a fan of the film! “Naziploitation” is neither a threat to anyone nor a salute to real Fascism; it’s a sub-genre of Exploitation Filmmaking with villains everybody can feel free to “hate”!

RAPE~REVENGE FILMS

I Spit On Your Grave (1978)

Written and Directed by Meir Zarchi

Also titled “Day of the Woman” in some other Countries, and a film originally banned in Ireland, Iceland, Norway, Germany, and Canada I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE is the one cult film that set-the-tone for what is now the Exploitation sub-genre known as “Rape~Revenge” Films. Between ratings of X, NC-17, and the latter “Unrated” this cult classic is remembered for its brutal violence to include a convincingly performed gang-rape scene, a castration in a bathtub, and the hanging of a mentally-retarded man. The lead female character portrayed by talented Actress Camille Keaton is a writer who rents a backwoods cabin to relax and work on a manuscript only to draw the unexpected attention of local male losers of the unemployed and too-much-time-on-their-hands variety by sunbathing in little left to imagination. Old standby boogey-boo about a sexy femme letting it all hang out for randy men to see and then attack is the central exploitative theme here, along with the “chase” where the local hoodlums chase the frightened female writer after she turns them down and once they catch her it becomes a frighteningly realistic beating and gang-rape with the alpha/beta men getting their retarded sidekick to join in the rape which is an additional disturbance. Camille Keaton portrays the helplessness of her victim character during the graphic rape scene like no other violent portrayal I have ever seen before on a film, taking the abuse and surviving to wit she decides to take bloody revenge upon her violators one at a time. In a systematic and very personal manner, the rape victim confronts her attackers one-on-one to torture and kill in retribution. With the commonly-held desire of the public at large to see rapists castrated so they could never fuck again, the vigilante bonus in this film’s plotline is its infamous bathtub butcher knife emasculation scene by the victim-turned-avenger.

Flip-side of this film’s story coin is the underlying “angst” of a pack of dirt-poor males all horny and envious when they see a lone female of higher economic status dangling before them like a ripe fruit they’re not allowed to pick from society’s upper tree limbs.

Never could anyone justify rape of any kind, but this film depicts the whys and what-fors in a less than ambiguous manner, showing the poor roughnecks and their lust for the “untouchable” female in a compromising position which they jump upon and commit felonies several times over with the “forbidden fruit” they wouldn’t otherwise taste.

In the spirit of the vigilante movie DEATH WISH (1974) the perpetrator(s) break in, commit rape, and then get away only to face an “avenger” later on. In the very savage manner in which the violated woman pursues and butchers her rapists in I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, it departs from the 70s and 80s tradition of “Vigilante” films. With the visuals both titillating and horrifying the viewer at the same time, this film was named in as one of TIME magazine’s “Top 10 Ridiculously Violent Movies” in 2010.

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (1978 Theatrical Poster)

Straw Dogs (1971)

Directed by Sam Peckinpah. Screenplay by Peckinpah and David Goodman.

This early 70s take on mating dynamics and law-of-the-jungle realism is more than just a rape-and-revenge film with “vigilante” theme characteristics, it is a cinematic testimony to how someone would eventually respond to savage bullying once they’ve been pushed too far. Actor Dustin Hoffman portrays a bookwormish “David” who is moving into an old farmhouse in the English countryside along with his new (younger) wife Amy who happens to be from the Brit Countryside where the couple has decided to move. Of course Amy has an ex-boyfriend back in her hometown who doesn’t take kindly to seeing her married to a math nerd who makes his living (grant money) by solving mathematical problems alone in his domicile alone with a blackboard. Based loosely on a novel entitled “The Siege of Trencher’s Farm” by Gordon Williams, STRAW DOGS builds up its teeth-clenching storyline with sexual tension between the men Amy’s husband David hires to fix the roof of the home he and his wife just moved in to and the cupcake blonde trophy-wife Amy herself, her own subtle prick-teasing of the men working outside not helping matters! Controversial for its time due to the violence between the men and the dual rape scene in the house where Amy’s ex-boyfriend forces himself on her and then one of his pals comes in with a shotgun and insists on taking a turn with her as well. What is unusual about this film’s “rape” scene is that the character of Amy “gives in” to her ex-boyfriend and appears to relax and let him finish (then freaks out when his buddy comes in for his turn). Critics at the time blasted Peckinpah and Hollywood in general for this gross display of “misogyny”. STRAW DOGS clearly displays the naturally-inclined competition between men for territory (and women!) pitting roughnecks like the local construction workers against a weakling (nerd) played by Dustin Hoffman who the more brawny men strongly balk at the idea of such a city-dwelling geek possessing a young “trophy wife” played by then-unknown actress Susan George, the very first indication of tension between the couple and the men working for them being their slain kitty cat!

From the local drunks chasing the town weirdo to find a missing girl to the enraged shotgun murder of the Town Constable, then on to the locals attacking the house where David, Amy, and the Town Pervert Henry Niles are holed up, STRAW DOGS fits the Exploitation film genre because of its violent and sexual content and certainly qualifies as as a “rape~revenge” film because of the main female character being raped and despite her husband not knowing about it, he avenges her (with her help!) as the villagers attack their home to burn them out of it. It’s been said that human beings are only as “law-abiding” as their options. Give someone the chance to get away with felonious activity and they might just do it! In this film’s scenario, the slaying of the Town Constable sets off the firestorm that engulfs the last quarter of the film where a “weakling” male shows that every man regardless of physical prowess or lack thereof is capable of staggering violence when he’s pushed past his limit. STRAW DOGS was re-made in 2011 with the David and Amy characters in deep-south America with almost the exact scenario over all just up-to-date modern with a higher degree of maliciousness from the town bullies.

The Exploitation Film sub-genre of “Rape / Revenge” is a controversial one to say the least, with few cinematic examples compared to the other sub-genres. Rape is not an easy subject to speak about let alone portray in a film acted-out by actors and actresses, those who have done so for a film all apparently agree that even faking such for the cameras bums them out! I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and STRAW DOGS present the most obvious ingredient to be in this film category but others come close but venture more into what is “vigilante” films such as DEATH WISH (1974) where Charles Bronson’s iconic character of Paul Kersey guns down muggers in NYC after his wife and daughter are attacked, his daughter fiendishly raped and unable to fight back so he does it for her later on by cleaning up the streets with his own brand of justice. Later films of the “vigilante” subgenre such as 1982’s DEATH WISH II feature the theme of rape-and-revenge where someone else goes for vengeance instead of the female victim and after the audience is subjected to watching a vicious “violation” scene of someone close to the “hero” as in the DEATH WISH II infamous gang-rape scene of Paul Kersey’s maid as well as his daughter (again!) and SAVAGE STREETS’ locker-room rape scene of the heroine’s deaf-mute sister. Scenes such as these were added to “vigilante” films such as DEATH WISH I and II as well as “rape-revenge” films such as I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE to piss off the audience and have them cheering for bloody payback against the attackers in the film. No one likes a rapist, and films such as these pander to that inherent hatred. Hell, even in prisons that house the lowest of scumbags guilty of all sorts of heinous crimes, a convicted rapist is not very “welcomed” by the other convicts and often times has a hard row to hoe amongst the other inmates (especially rapists of children!).

Hollywood has not filmed choreographed scenes of “rape” too often in its history, because it is a disturbing subject for most viewers and where innuendo can be used instead of graphic depictions, then that is how the thing is portrayed. Arguably the infamous “rape” scenes in Hollywood films of the past such as A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, DEATH WISH, DEATH WISH II, SAVAGE STREETS, and THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT are the most graphic ever done so far and not really emulated in films since, the “shock” of using such scenes is utilized less in these more liberal times of “sensitivity” concerns (a la political-correctness).

In 1982’s DEATH WISH II, the scene where Rosario the Maid is gang-raped by a street gang hellbent on getting to her boss Paul Kersey (Bronson) was heavily edited for American video tape and cable-television release in the 1980s as well as later DVD release to the public, and as of December 2011 the only “uncut” version of DEATH WISH II is the VHS Greek-subtitled version which shows the entire gang-rape scene of the maid who was portrayed convincingly by Actress Silvana Gallardo. That film’s uncut rape-of-the-maid scene remains to this day the most graphic of its kind ever produced in a major Hollywood motion picture! In reality, what does one wish to do to a real rapist who violated someone he or she knows or cares about… shoot’em between the balls?

Rape~Revenge films cater to that natural desire to nail rapists to a wall and there lies the “exploitation” aspect of this brand of filmmaking.

BLACKSPLOITATION

COFFY (1973)

Written and Directed by Jack Hill

Definitively the primo “Blaxploitation” film of them all, COFFY is the tale of a black female vigilante played by sultry actress Pam Grier who is a Nurse by day and a vigilante by night conducting a one-woman war on organized crime in Los Angeles after her sister (an 11-year old drug addict) is severely harmed by drugs. Between the betrayal of her boyfriend to the Mob and her cop accomplice being beaten into a coma, “Coffy” uses every trick available to her from seduction to brute force she goes after every criminal shitbag in the film with a vengeance, eventually accomplishing her vigilante goal.

“Coffy” was rare a character in that time: a strong but sexy black female who takes responsibility into her very own hands to do what she thinks is right, a black female version of Charles Bronson’s vigilante character but with far better looks! If there is one character that defines the Blacksploitation (Blaxploitation) sub-genre it’s COFFY.

BOSS NIGGER (1975)

Directed by Jack Arnold. Written and Co-Produced by Fred Williamson.

Two bounty-hunters “Boss Nigger” and a guy named Amos ride into a western town in pursuit of a fugitive. They soon discover that the town has no Sheriff (no laws enforced) so Boss takes the position for himself after outsmarting the corrupt White Mayor.

With the tag-line of “White Man’s Town, Black Man’s Law” this film epitomized the role-reversal of White and Black released in the middle of the decade following the Civil Rights era of the 60s and the controversial subject matter that was on everyone’s mind at the time, and Fred “The Hammer” Williamson knocked the role out of the ball-park!

Released on DVD in 2008 under the title of just “Boss”, this film remains one of the most “inappropriate” feature films of the 1970s by its title alone!

Theatrical Poster of COFFY (1973)

Blacksploitation / “Blaxploitation” films has been a film sub-genre of both entertainment and ridicule since their inception during the early 1970s with such blatant “monster” features as BLACULA, SCREAM BLACULA SCREAM, and even the lesser-known BLACKENSTEIN that were more tongue-in-cheek but adored by their limited audiences just the same. Now considered a 70s classic the original film SHAFT starring Richard Roundtree was selected to be eternally preserved in the National Film Registry via The Library of Congress due to its cultural and entertainment significance as the primo “blaxploitation” film of them all. The term “blacksploitation” or more commonly “blaxploitation” lends to the idea that the film in particular “exploits” Black people, culture, social norms, etc. and perhaps the best way to judge such is to do so yourself as you watch such flicks as COFFY, SUPERFLY, and THE MACK or the two less-popular SHAFT sequels. The themes of inner-city crime (pimping, drug-dealing, vigilantism) is a common thread in the 1970s films because such things were often in the news during the time of high crime rates, gasoline shortages, city-wide power outages, and a nationwide economic downturn during the later half of that decade. “Art imitates life” as they say though its also a sure bet Hollywood embellished quite freely when applying life-like situations and characters into Blaxploitation films… . I mean really, would there truly be way-cool guys like Superfly and John Shaft getting away with the things they did and surviving the mean streets the way they did during the real 1970s? (most likely not).

Pam Grier’s performances in the Blaxploitation films COFFY and FOXY BROWN shined a light on black female characters as tough, sexy, and admirable during a time well before the over-done “girl-power” flicks of today such as 2011’s SUCKER PUNCH.

COFFY and FOXY BROWN are to this day fondly remembered by their fans as two prime examples of Blaxploitation cinema showing black female characters in a sexy and positive light during a time when such depictions weren’t in the mainstream filmmaking just yet. With the decade of the 1970s being the first 10 years following the tumultuous Black civil-rights struggle and violence in the 1960s, filmmaking of the time mirrored the slow-moving evolution of race relations in America, showing both good and bad points of this very human “melting pot”. So did “Blaxploitation” films add anything to the debate regarding race relations? Perhaps just in the surreal sense such entertainment provides, allowing an audience to laugh, cry, rage, love, and hate vicariously through watching a film instead of applying the worst of such human feelings in their reality.

Someone once told me that race-relations between Whites and Blacks reached full-circle when a Black man could fuck a White woman without the risk of ever getting lynched.

It might just be that simple, or maybe it might have something to do with what President John F. Kennedy said about each of us inhabiting this small planet… .

CARSPLOITATION

DUEL (1971)

Directed by Steven Spielberg. Written by Richard Matheson

A made-for-TV film about a man who is a salesman alone on a road trip in his car when he finds himself being tailgated by an 18-wheeler whose unseen driver takes offense to the red car with the unassuming driver and follows him in harassing form that makes today’s real-life “aggressive driving” pale in comparison. The unyielding talent of Steven Spielberg as Director shines through this spooky storyline that is based on a real-life incident the writer Richard Matheson actually experienced one while traveling! As a veteran Sci-Fi writer and contributor to the 1960s “Twilight Zone” TV series, the imaginative Richard Matheson first published this tale in Playboy® magazine where it was noticed by powers-that-be and this film starring Dennis Weaver as the chased drive is now a “carsploitation” classic since it deals with vehicles as the villain and savior.

One of the most harrowing scenes for the viewer is the truck stop where the salesman notices the offending truck parked outside and realizes its shadowy driver is sitting somewhere in the restaurant probably watching him, and he tries to discern who the truck driver might be (being wrong in his final choice of course) and then he gets back on the highway to find he’s being hunted again by the asshole in the 18-wheeler!

Along with the chase-movie classic VANISHING POINT, this film remains most remembered for its frightening speed scenes and where the real “character” of the film is the vehicle more so than the human actors. Don’t believe me?? Okay, then name what you remember most from VANISHING POINT… the white Dodge Challenger! Name what anyone remembers the most from Spielberg’s film DUEL… the big TRUCK!

Today, the big “Oil” Truck (intact 18-wheeler) from the film DUEL remains in the possession of a private collector and has been seen at car shows out west along with the red Dodge sedan Dennis Weaver drove in the film.

“Carsploitation” sub-genre is limited to films such as this one that feature the vehicle as the main character (villain or hero) with the drivers, passengers, and victims being secondary for the most part as the storyline progresses. Also included are films where cars and trucks are the primo “tool” in the storyline and much of the film’s plot involves use of the vehicle(s) such as the 2007 Quentin Tarantino film DEATHPROOF.

DEATHRACE 2000 (1975)

Directed by Paul Bartel. Written by Robert Thorn and Charles Griffith.

Based on the book “The Racer” by Ib Melchior, this cult film starring cinema giants David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone (and produced by Roger Corman) qualifies as a carsploitation flick for the mere fact it revolves around a ‘Transcontinental Road Race’ that takes place in a future Dystopia society where a President rules like a dictator over a war-ravaged North America and keeps the population hooked on the bloody road race among other gladiator-type entertainments. Drivers and their side-seat Navigators are entered into the race for “points” obtained by running people over along the way, the past and present champion of this race being a fiendishly-attired and “disfigured” driver known to his fans as “Frankenstein” (because he is rumored to be disfigured from past crashes) played by actor David Carradine. Another racer who always manages to come in second place is “Machine-Gun Joe” played by Sylvester Stallone in one of his first film appearances of the mid-70s, all the drivers in deadly competition with one another and given carte-blanche to run over pedestrians along the way, even geriatrics in wheel-chairs rolled out into the road by Nurses from the hospital! Each driver has a navigator in the seat next to him or her since the race takes them across the continent over the course of days (they stop at a hotel to eat, fuck, and sleep at night) all the while the softly Fascist-controlled media reports each piece of the race in giddy form, praising the leadership of “Mister President” along the way, and “Frankenstein” is the government’s favored driver.

DEATH RACE 2000 was shown mostly in “Grindhouse” theaters back in the 1970s after its initial release due to its graphic violence and gratuitous nudity, both factors getting it panned by critics but sincerely lending it to the Exploitation film genre for all eternity for its over-use of race cars as the primary weapons used. With a “Future Dystopia” subplot (much like film ROLLERBALL starring James Caan) this film opens wide the broken possibilities of what life might be like in a world unlike the one we live in right now even if it is funny and gratuitous like DEATHRACE 2000. Hey, it’s entertainment after all right? No one wants to spend two hours watching reality they see every day so this is the drill that makes such an Exploitation film plausible to produce.

Cuban-American actress Louisa Moritz plays Stallone’s “navigator” in the film, a bubbly blonde bimbo who is smiling all the time and isn’t shy about taking all of her clothes off once racing has stopped for the day and the racers are relaxing at the luxury hotel. That woman had a shapely body back then, seen once again in the 1982 sexploitation film THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN. A “resistance” movement trying to stop the race and take over the media throws a wrench into the race driver’s agendas but it doesn’t stop the outrageousness from continuing and mondo violence all the way to the shocker ending where the racer “Frankenstein” doesn’t exactly do what he is expected to do!

DEATHRACE 2000 is a stellar “carsploitation” flick if there ever was one, and available on DVD today so I recommend it for anyone who loves the 70s “car movies” (as well as seeing actress Louisa Moritz butterball-naked! haha).

THE CAR (1977)

Directed by Elliot Silverstein. Written by Michael Butler, Dennis Shyrack
and Lane Slate. Starring James Brolin and Ronny Cox.

Slated as a thriller and a horror film, THE CAR falls under “carsploitation” sub-genre of films due to the obvious fact the center-piece “villain” of the film is an unstoppable car!

A Midwestern desert county and its small Sheriff’s Department find themselves up against an entity that they never before imagined when “The Car” shows up to kick ass and take names! A custom black Lincoln with no tags, no visible driver, and an attitude of aggressive disregard for other drivers, bicyclists, marching bands, and pedestrians as a whole as it burns through the desert blowing its sinister horn and gunning its infernal engine. From a pair of bicyclists to a homeless bum with a French Horn to the Sheriff himself, THE CAR racks up a body-count by running over its human prey. Funny part is, most of the victims you kinda “wish” get hit by the cart sent from the bowels of hell!

As with most “horror” films, the villain nails people who in some way, shape, or form “deserve” it and only the smart and strong characters survive or slay the villain. This film is no exception as James Brolin’s cop character seems to be the only one in town THE CAR seems to “respect” and it is Brolin’s character that wins the day in the end.

Much to the chagrin of the Sheriff’s Deputies, THE CAR does possess otherworldly qualities such as invincibility (bullets just seem to always “miss” it) and it can appear from out of nowhere and though reason is attempted to explain what the unstoppable hit-and-run killer car is doing to terrorize the town, it is clear that it is “supernatural” though no formal explanation ever comes forth to the viewer until the anti-climactic ending.

Perhaps there is more in the theatrical poster tagline: “Is it a phantom, a demon, or the Devil himself… . what evil drives THE CAR?” (Yep, that was all I had to read to buy a copy of this film on VHS many years ago) Perhaps the best scene in THE CAR is when the Brolin character’s girlfriend goes home and the car drives straight through her house off the road just to kill her! Personally, I would have made this film rated-R with a few more brutal kill scenes and maybe a nude shower scene of the girlfriend just before the car tears through the house to kill her, but THE CAR is still to this day my all-time favorite PG-rated film. At the opening sequence of the film, a quote from Anton LaVey, (Founder of The Church of Satan and author of The Satanic Bible) appears to set the mood for the storyline and of course gives a clue as to the story’s uniquely Occult theme.

Anton LaVey (1930-1997) was given a “Technical Advisor” credit on this film and word has it that the customization of the demonic car selected was based on one of LaVey’s own rare, late model vehicles that he owned and motored around California in back in the day. If there ever would be a “Demon” to break out from Hell onto the Earth, I think he (or she) would drive an infernally-powered car just like this one and have no problem running over mediocre fools and weaklings along the way, no doubt about it! (haha). Pure “carsploitation” entertainment THE CAR is and if you haven’t seen it yet, well… you’d better listen for that eerie horn late at night and I hope you have enough time to jump down into the basement before it drives through your house!

DVD Box-Cover for the 1977 movie THE CAR

Anton LaVey (photo by Nick Bougas) Courtesy of Church of Satan Archives.

Reprinted here with permission. All Rights Reserved. www.ChurchofSatan.com

SHOCKSPLOITATION

Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein (1973)

Written and Directed by Paul Morrissey. Produced by Andy Warhol.

Filmed by a crew of Italian master filmmakers in the style best attributed to Italian films of this variety with its stark visuals and brooding “noir” backgrounds, this film was released in the US with an X-rating due to its explicit sexuality and violence. I can understand that after seeing the one scene of ‘Dr Frankenstein’ sticking his poker inside the gut of a corpse saying “You have to fuck life in the liver!” Veteran horror film actor Udo Kier does a bang-up job as the mad scientist hell bent on creating life from death and is one disturbing film I’ll always remember him for! Later cut to 93 minutes for an R rating, the film became more viewable to US and UK audiences of the time period.

Unlike the Doctor Frankensteins of other films and storylines, this one is obsessed with more nefarious designs, namely creating a monster race of beings that would obey his every command and satisfy his insane quest for world domination! Later renamed

FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN (the title later DVD releases possessed) this film is a shock-fest feast of gore, perversion, nudity and aberrant sexuality unlike any other horror film of the 1970s this guy has seen! Not for the squeamish… and if you do truck out to buy yourself a copy, keep in mind there is an X-rated film also entitled “Flesh for Frankenstein” so don’t accidentally buy that one unless of course you really want to see porn stars Ray Victory (the “monster”) and Ebony Ayes (the “bride”) get-it-on!

SNUFF (1976)

Directed by Michael Findlay, Roberta Findlay, and Horacio Fredriksson.

Written by Michael Findlay, Roberta Findlay, and A. Bochin.

This highly-controversial film’s tag line read: “The picture they said could never be show… the film that could only be made in South America… where life is cheap!”

It began as a low-budget “gore” movie originally titled “Slaughter” which was written and directed by husband-and-wife filmmaking team Michael and Roberta Findlay.

Filmed in 1971 in the country of Argentina for just $30,000 and it portrays a murder-cult. The film enjoyed a very limited theatrical release and later re-released in 1976 with a different ending to cash in on the “urban legend” of snuff-films (homemade movies allegedly depicting actual homicides). The new ending was supposedly of a woman murdered by the original film crew with an abrupt “cut” that gave credence to the possibility that the final scene was of an actual murder! The film was then re-released under the title SNUFF and there was one report about a Producer hiring fake protestors to
picket outside theaters showing the film, leading some real anti-porn organizations to produce very real protests which ended up on CBS News at the time! Exposed as a HOAX in 1976, the film became popular in major US Cities and the more people who viewed it just added to the rumors that a real murder was filmed and a NYC District Attorney is said to have investigated the rumor and found it to be a HOAX as well!

Good luck finding a copy of SNUFF on DVD as I do not think it ever made it.

“Snuff” films are for the most part a facet of urban legend and with some scant exceptions in criminal lore, they do not exist! I mean really, how many maniacs would film a murder that would directly implicate them in the crime, now matter how deranged?

Then again, nothing surprises me nowadays. The 1999 film “8MM” starring Nicholas Cage was about a fictional snuff film being made and Cage played the P.I. hired to look into the validity of the 8mm film found in a dead old man’s safe by his widow. Again, not a true story at all but it made for a shocking film that made money at theaters!

“Shocksploitation” is a sub-genre that explicitly defines the type of films and or documentaries that shock, surprise, and horrify to the tenth degree, and yes this includes the FACES OF DEATH film series (“shockumentary”) where death scenes both staged and real are featured with a creepy narrator explaining in slow but vivid detail. 1980’s CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST is a low-budget film which takes the disgustingly rich idea of cannibalism to its stunning brutality portrayed by savages in a jungle setting with all the “heads in the pot” shock one can take.

Bygone Dreams
A Grinding Tale by Ken Knight ©2012

Hitting the gas, he felt the car accelerate past the slower 18-wheeler to catch the next exit along Rt. 95 southbound, knowing there wouldn’t be any “fuzz” for miles, not this time of night anyway. Maneuvering his 1970 Dodge Challenger into the main entry lane of the truck-stop here near the South Carolina border, and slowing down to come to a stop, the driver glanced at his wallet on the bucket seat next to him, flipping it open to reveal his driver’s license which read the name Dean McCool, and the $400 cash stuffed in there.

Rolling past a couple of Semis parked to his right, Dean McCool slowed to a stop in a truck space but didn’t care since he had no intentions of staying here beyond the time it takes to get a cup of coffee and a pack of smokes. It was then that he noticed something unusual in the dim street lights up ahead to his left right behind the Diner, what appeared to be three burly men, truckers no doubt, hassling a young woman like a trio of jackals.

He left his car running as he stepped out, opening his jean jacket in front to access the loaded Ruger Security-Six .357 Magnum revolver in its holster under his left armpit.

The three men hassling the lone dame about money, or something like that, didn’t see the male stranger coming up behind them until Dean stopped six feet away, boots clicking on asphalt, which got the one man’s attention enough to turn around and view the lean but sinister-looking white male in torn jeans and jean jacket staring daggers at the foursome.

“Piss off, this is business!” the trucker snapped at the younger man in the jean jacket, which made the other two truckers handling the young woman in t-shirt and shorts glance his way for a brief moment, the three truckers expecting the warning to go their way.

“Nope, I can’t let you three assholes rough up a dame… . just not in the cards tonight,” Dean spoke to the three men, now getting the attention of the young woman trapped between the trio of truckers, wondering who the hell was sticking up for her right now?

“Man said piss-off you fukkin’ worm!” the trucker holding her right arm snapped at the intruder as he turned half way around to look at the younger man more closely this time.

“Naaahh… I’ll pass, so you three jerk-offs best let her go before things get hairy,” Dean said in a calm voice, making the threatened female more curious as to who this man was.

The trucker holding her right arm let got of her to turn and approach the “hero” who was challenging the three truckers shaking her down for their weed-money, furious about the interruption. The new guy in her life didn’t miss a beat, pulling out a fiendish-looking revolver from his jacket and holding it down at his right side, and she heard the hammer click back. Who was this guy, a cop? Doubtful, cops don’t hang out at this truck stop.

“Step away lady,” Dean spoke to the shapely chick in t-shirt and cut-off shorts with high-heels on her feet, damn nearly all “legs” as she walked into clearer view, her doe-like eyes on the man with the handgun standing like some “high noon” cowboy about to unload his six-shooter into the bad guys. She moved away from her three abusers and stopped about five feet to the left of the stranger with the gun, unsure of what to do next.

“You gonna use that heater or what?” the burly trucker with short beard and worst disposition of the three snarled at Dean McCool as he stood there clenched and ready while the other two truckers backed off with hands up, not wanting to get shot for the trouble of hassling a truck stop hooker. Like he had nothing goddamn better to do!

“Might… . you lookin’ to get greased this mornin’ asshole?” Dean fired back as he held his Magnum revolver down at his right side, gripping it tight at the ready just in case.

“Do what you have to do stickman, she’s just a piece of ass who stole from us,” the burly trucker sneered in return, standing there with clenched fists held out as if ready to brawl, which was what the big guy was best at of course, not taking another step to provoke the man into using the six-shooter, wishing he’d come closer so he could get hands on him!

“Get in my car sweet-cheeks,” Dean said to the shapely young woman in the t-shirt and shorts as she stood to his left with her hands up in her brown hair, appearing confused.

She then hurried over to where a brown backpack lay on the pavement and picked it up over one shoulder, turning to run for the idling Dodge Challenger 15 feet away. She climbed into the passenger seat as Dean back-pedaled for his car now, holding his gun at his side still because if he points it he shoots it, no questions asked!

“She owes me and my friends a hundred dollars a piece you stupid bastard,” the burly trucker sneered as he stood his ground in simmering anger, eyes on the man stepping around the front of the hot rod to the driver’s seat in retreat, the only thing stopping the truckers from rushing him being the .357 Magnum in his hand right now.

“Consider it a tax write-off!” Dean quipped as he opened his car door, holstering the revolver under his jacket again to quickly climb in behind the wheel. Before the truckers could do or say anything more, the white Dodge Challenger was spinning tires out of there, heading like a missile for the Interstate highway heading south.

“Thank you sugar,” the cute female in the seat next to him spoke gingerly as Dean got it all the way up to 90mph before slowing down a mile beyond the truck stop he just saved her ass from moments ago. He glanced at her in the shimmering light of the car’s interior as they continued down the Interstate for the South Carolina state line, noticing her rather plump pair of breasts bulging in the green t-shirt she wore minus a bra.

“What was that about, if I may ask?” Dean chuckled as he looked in his rear-view mirror.

“An unsettled arrangement… . I promised those three truckers a good time for a hundred bucks a piece,” she answered casually as she settled low in the passenger bucket-seat.

“You’re a hooker,” Dean said with a slight hint of humor in his voice, eyes on the road.

“Yes, but I wasn’t about to fuck those three guys and they realized it before I was able to leave with another trucker… . who skipped out on me… . then you showed up,” she replied with a slinky grin at the man behind the wheel.

“What’s ya name stranger?” she asked him sweetly. “Dean,” he replied in a laugh.

“I’m Ginger, and it is very nice to make your acquaintance Dean,” she said in return, Dean noticed that she had a slight southern-accent as she spoke more, and she was intriguing to say the least, not to mention the rush he felt pulling his gun on those three assholes back at the truck stop. He watched her left hand go for his radio knob, selecting an AM station she knew of that played Country music, and not caring that she chose it.

“Yes, that’s the ticket… . Charlie Rich!” she quipped as the hit song “Behind Closed Doors” now played in the car as they drove toward South Carolina, Dean slowing his speed so as not to get pulled over by any “Smokey Bears”, State Troopers just love ticketing the driver of a car like this one, and he didn’t need anymore traffic fines.

“And she makes me glad… . that I’mmm… . a man!” Ginger crooned along with the music lyrics, checking out the three 8-track tapes he had in the car as well, but didn’t approve
since one was of Gladys Knight and the Pips, another album being The Commodores, and the third the soundtrack from the hit movie “Shaft” a few years ago.

“So you’re a white guy who digs nigger-tunes?” she quipped jokingly as she held up the 8-track tape of The Commodores album, smirking girlishly at the stranger driving her.

“Yeah, sure… from time to time… what, you don’t like Motown and our darker-skinned brothers n’ sisters?” Dean replied with a chuckle, eyes on her big perky tits in that t-shirt, enjoying her company already even though he suspected those three truckers would be pissed off enough to try and follow them down the Interstate for their $300 worth!

“Well I never did it with any black guys… . but if I did, I’d charge’em double!” she retorted in a laugh as she leaned back in her seat watching him with an easy stare now.

Dean found himself laughing along with her, their mutual sense of humor kinda calming.

“No shit, never?” he chuckled back at her as he turned into the left lane of the Interstate.

“Nope, but I wouldn’t mind fuckin’ a black dude like Fred Williamson,” she responded impishly, referring to the Black football player and Hollywood Actor, Dean remembering him in the film “Black Caesar” awhile back, a movie he saw at an old run-down theater.

“Or maybe the guy who played ‘Shaft’ in that movie,” she giggled as Dean found her rancor rather humorous. She then found his pack of Lucky Strike cigarettes on the dashboard and fished one out for herself, using the car’s cigarette lighter during the next few seconds of silence between them. She handed Dean one of his cigarettes and he used his own Zippo lighter to ignite the cancer-stick between his lips, eyes on the road and every few seconds checking the rear-view mirror to see if any 18-wheelers might be approaching him from the rear flank. Something told him he and his tits-n-ass passenger had not seen the last of those pissed-off truckers! It had not slipped past Dean that he had “rescued” a hooker (who had apparently ripped-off three truckers of a whopping $300) by pulling his gun on them and taking the hooker with him as he sped out of there.

Sure, it wasn’t something he did on a regular basis but he hated to see women getting roughed-up by assholes like that, so he acted on it this time and here he was roaring down the Interstate with a sexy hooker in his passenger seat and nothing else holding him down except the knowledge that he was free of the shit-job he had and had only $400 to his name right now along with a full tank of gas. Time of his life!

“You have a pimp?” he asked her out of curiosity, glancing at Ginger for a second.

“Hell no, I’m a free-agent… . well, not ‘free’ but on my own with no daddy to answer to,” she said sweetly with a giggle as she sat up slightly, eyes out the windshield.

“How old are you Ginger?” Dean had to ask next, making her burst out in laughter.

“Twenty-two… . heenh-heh-heeh… . how old do I look big stud?” she chimed in return.

“Twenty-two,” he chuckled back at her, feeling silly for asking because she didn’t appear to be under-age anyway. Getting busted with a hooker was not a big deal these days unless she was under the age of 18 (and what is commonly referred to as “jail bait”).

He looked at her again as he drove and she smiled slinky with her eyes closed, appearing to be relaxed and “at home” in his car with him now, even though she didn’t know him at all and for all she knew he could be a murderer or rapist! Well, Ginger was lucky that he was neither of those… his mother always said that her third son had an “innocent look”.

“You always carry a gun like that Dean?” she asked after thinking about the heater he was packing under his jean jacket, wondering if he was a criminal… . or private-eye?

“Not always, just when I travel… . comes in handy when I’m outnumbered,” he answered.

“Yes it does, so you know what I do for a living… . what’s your career-field big guy?” Ginger continued in her soft southern voice, leaning against the car door behind her.

“I’m in-between careers at the moment,” he chuckled back at her in all honesty. Something about a woman like this he liked besides her great “scenery”: he could tell her anything and not feel embarrassed or that need to “impress” her in the usual guy-way!

“Unemployed guys have all the fun,” she snickered in agreement, having sensed the dilettante in this guy from the truck stop when he stopped those truckers from doing what they would have surely done to her, and she knew that she liked him already.

“Shit… . I knew it!” Dean quipped out loud as he spotted an 18-wheeler coming up out of nowhere behind them now, speeding toward his rear post-haste. It had to be one of those three truckers from the truck stop no less because who else would be approaching at ram-speed on a car otherwise? He hit the gas hard and jumped ahead in climbing acceleration, the Challenger’s 426 Hemi engine gunning he and Ginger forward to escape the big rig bearing down on them with a vengeance and a fire-breathing intent to kill somebody.

“Omigod, it’s him… . that fat fucker from the truck stop, that’s his truck!” Ginger screeched as she turned in her seat to look out the car’s rear window, noticing the front of the Mack truck with its metal “Boar’s head” ornament on the grill in the morning light.

“Hang on and buckle up baby, he ain’t getting us!” Dean told her in a calmer tone now, switching lanes as the truck closed in, making him push it past 100mph since there was minimal traffic on I-95 southbound near the state line this time of morning.

“Jeezus, that bastard’s crazy!” Ginger quipped as she engaged her seat belt and looked at the side mirror to see the big rig’s headlights getting closer and closer now, speeding almost as fast as Dean was gunning his Challenger.

“Nope, I’m the craziest fucker on the roads this morning baby,” Dean said in a laugh then gunned it into the right lane fast enough for the truck to miss the exit he had to slow down abruptly to catch, the off-ramp for the ‘South of the Border’ Theme park and truck stop just off I-95, the pursuing 18-wheeler speeding onward past the necessary exit and missing the Dodge Challenger he wanted to force off the road. Hitting the brakes near the bottom of the off-ramp spun the Dodge Challenger left then right as Dean compensated to avoid rolling over, crossing the two-lane roadway into the theme park and gas station dead ahead, no other vehicles or pedestrians in his path, thankfully.

“Whoah… . Dean… . baaaabeeee!” Ginger squealed in delight of the action as the car came to an abrupt halt in front of the South of the Border filling station and beer stand 20 feet away, the driver shifting into park as he tried to ascertain whether or not the 18-wheeler following them would be able to veer off nearby and resume the chase or not… .

Ginger released her seatbelt and moved across the cabin of the car toward him in an amorous embrace, pinning Dean to his seat as she forced a kiss on him, his lips not resisting hers as he welcomed the sexy women into his arms while she straddled him in his seat between him and the steering wheel. Kissing madly, they sat there embraced, over-excited over the brief chase and escape from the maniac driving the 18-wheeler.

“Mmmmhhh… . you’re my hero… . fuck me!” Ginger whispered in his right ear once their lips parted, his hands on her ass already in horny agreement, but his mind was still cautious about that mad trucker who would at the very least be turning his rig around not far down the road to try and find the white Dodge Challenger and its occupants he wanted to crush. Ginger felt good in his arms though, and she smelled good too, her perfume an enticing scent with her own natural musk, their first kiss getting him all revved-up.

Dean’s hands ran up her back under her t-shirt, the garment being pulled up and off by her as she straddled his lap in the car seat, kissing him off and on as his hands explored her soft flesh in front, finding those big perky boobs of hers, soft “banana titties” in his eager hands. Ginger slipped her jean-shorts down off her ass and thighs as she moved under his steering wheel so the garment along with her panties would go down her legs.

She was naked in seconds, undressing inside a vehicle something she had done many times before, and using the car’s dashboard illumination; she pulled out a wrapped condom from out of nowhere and opened it with her teeth for her newest lover.

Raging hard enough to cut diamonds, Dean finally got his tool free of his jeans and covered with the condom for Ginger to sit down on him as he scooted his driver seat back an inch or so for room. The shapely brown-haired southern gal was on his pole in no time, moving up and down on his spear in joyous impalement there in the car, the idea of that mad trucker turning around and finding the Challenger parked here in the dark lot outside the South of the Border filling station not at the front of Dean’s mind anymore, because her bare jiggly breasts were! They kissed again as she leaned into him, enjoying the intercourse immediately as she continued riding up and down on him as the confines of the car’s cabin allowed. “OOAAAHH-YEEEAAAH!!” she bellowed out in delight.

“OOOH… . FEELS GOOD!” Ginger wailed out as she moved on him harder and faster, as much as the car’s interior would allow, engrossed in the carnal act as Dean just sat there pawing her big boobs and enjoying the flesh-grip she had on him right now, immensely!

The mad trucker on a rampage for his ass and Gingers… . any State Troopers or other “Bears” out here this morning that’d surely arrest both of them for having sex in public, or perhaps even a passerby who’d object to seeing such, could end this moment of pleasure rather quickly, but Dean banked on the assumption no one could see them fucking in the Challenger while parked in the dark just off Rt. 501/301 junction with I-95.

“Oooooh baaabeee… . soooo… . goood,” Ginger cooed in Dean’s left ear as she thrust her boobs up to his sweaty face suddenly, his mouth catching her left nipple for a bite then she resumed up-and-down motion on his tool, and he didn’t want it to end… .

He had assumed that his car wouldn’t be easily spotted from the Interstate or from the road leading across the ‘South of the Border’ theme park here in Dillon, SC. and therefore assumed him and Ginger were safely out of sight from the danger on 18 wheels.

However, while getting his lance waxed during the past five minutes, Dean McCool had forgotten the time-tested truth that “assumption” is the queen mother of all fuck-ups… .

“Awwhh… . hell!” Dean sneered as he looked over Ginger’s bouncy body to see the roof lights of a familiar 18-wheeler coming down the same off-ramp toward him as the morning daylight improved to better identify the rig, same one with the Boar’s head ornament on the grill and it must have done a goddamn u-turn on the Interstate highway to make it back to this exit this quickly! Dean lifted his naked prize up and off him into the back seat, Ginger protesting with a few curse words as Dean shifted into drive and hit the gas, just in time before the Mack truck would have rammed into him by about 10 yards, spinning tires onto the road leading through ‘South of the Border’ and into Dillon County heading along Rt. 501 eastward as the 18-wheeler did a semi-circle at the gas station to turn onto the road and follow the Dodge Challenger accordingly.

“Awwh-shit, don’t tell me he’s back!” Ginger moaned as she bounced to her butt in the back seat, looking out the rear window to see those familiar grill and roof lights of that fat bastard’s Mack truck not far behind them once more.

“You want me to lie to ya?” Dean snickered in stressed sarcasm, speeding up to 90mph as he tried to remember this route and where possible “hide outs” could be used in the near-distant locations he was fast approaching with a mad trucker behind him.

“You should have shot him back at the truck stop baby, really!” Ginger laughed in sarcastic lament as she stared out the back window of the Challenger, her clothes in the front seat still. Dean kept thinking about dying in his car like this on a rural South Carolina road with a naked hooker in his back seat and a crazy pissed-off trucker in an 18-wheeler chasing him… . what an unorthodox way to kick the damn bucket, he mused.

“Then I’d have an army of cops after me instead of your trucker pal,” he chuckled back.

“Well kiss my ass… . you got me along for the ride, didn’t you?” she chimed impishly as if she was having the time of her life right now and this was just a roller coaster ride.

“Yeah sure… least I got laid one more time before I die, thanks baby!” he called back top the naked hooker in his back seat now, making her break into laughter once again as he sped up beyond 100mph on a two-lane road that thankfully didn’t have any other traffic on it at this particular time! He’d been down this road before and he thought there was a turn off not far from the town of Hamer he was now speeding through as if shot out of a cannon, a place where he could turn off and not be seen by the Trucker following about 300 feet behind him now, a one-level roadside Motel that would surely be open and have other cars parked in a row… . yeah, he could see the neon sign up ahead, so he was right!

The Motel Dixie Dream, and just as he crested the next small hill in the road he slowed down to almost lock-up but maneuvered the car to a rolling stop, forcing Ginger in the back against his seat, making her curse again then he turned into the parking lot of the small motel to pull in alongside a 4x4 pickup truck hoping that the Mack truck pursuing him would simply fly right past and keep going. The sight of the speeding 18-wheeler going by made him feel a lot better, so he shut off the car’s engine and sat there looking at the naked hooker in his back seat. Dean smiled at her with a confident swagger.

“You did it baby… . he kept going… . shit yeah!” Ginger spoke girlishly as she stared out the rear window of Dean’s Challenger at the dark road heading eastbound, no sign of the big truck coming back because he didn’t see the Challenger pull off at the Motel here!

“Hope so, I don’t need that maniac chasing us any further ’cuz he’s gonna either get us both killed in a crash or get the cops on us,” Dean sighed as she leaned forward to kiss him again, grinning in the faint light of the motel’s sign illuminating the car’s interior.

“Say… . wanna get a room and uhhhm… . finish me off?” Ginger cooed as she leaned to his sweaty face again, making him smirk in realization that they were at a motel and that perhaps going back on the road again might get the mad trucker on their asses once more.

“Maybe we should hide-out for awhile,” he said in agreement with her, then kissed again.

Dean opened his car door and stepped out to stretch his arms upward, eyes to the morning sky and the rising sunlight, his naked female companion slipping out from the car close behind him, and just as Dean stepped to the front of his Challenger, he realized that his condom-wrapped dick was still out of his pants through the zipper and the hooker accompanying him now stepped out of his car naked except for her high heeled shoes.

“You know, normally I’d consider this a crime-in-progress…,” came a stranger’s voice from out of nowhere, getting Dean to look left and see a uniformed Deputy-Sheriff standing six feet away to their left in the dim morning haze of the motel property, one hand on his sizeable belly, the other palming his service-revolver holstered on his right hip, eyes on the naked young woman standing alongside a man who was clothed but had his pecker sticking out from his pants with a condom on it! Dean McCool was at a loss for words as he faced the cop in an inexcusable, implausible situation he wouldn’t begin to explain and make it sound believable so he just stood there facing the music.

“But seeing how today’s my birthday and I don’t feel like taking the two of you into jail and filling out paperwork… . plus I see you two godless heathens at least made it to a motel parking lot, so I’m gonna forget I fukkin’ saw you,” the Deputy said in a gravel voice at Dean and Ginger, then turned around to walk back in the direction he’d been going when the white Dodge Challenger pulled up in a hurry moments ago. Dean and Ginger stood there amazed that the fat cop wasn’t busting them for indecent exposure or something like it, walking back to his patrol car to leave and resume his duties.

Dean shoved his dick back in his pants, condom still on it, and started walking along the sidewalk in front of the Motel rooms for the office at the far end, thanking his lucky stars he wasn’t going to jail right now and that he’d once again eluded that crazy trucker whose intent was clear: smashing the white Challenger and its two occupants!

He looked back down the row of parked cars as he stopped to enter the open office, not seeing the naked Ginger and figured she either got back in the car or was putting her clothes back on… least until he got them a room. Ginger left her clothes in the car for now, walking behind her new friend’s Dodge Challenger toward the road they just escaped off of, that crazy trucker speeding on down the road well past the roadside motel Dean chose to hide at. She stood there just a couple feet from the silent two-lane road naked except for her high-heels and wristwatch, enjoying the feel of the morning summer air on her bare skin right now. It was just then she heard the roar of an engine in fast approach, and before she could react, the headlights of a speeding vehicle cleared the incline just 100 feet from the motel, and she was in its headlights, clearly visible to the driver of the vehicle! It wasn’t an 18-wheeler, but a 1969 Ford Mustang driven by a man speeding along this road early in the mornings on his way to work, only this time the sight of a well-developed naked female standing on the side of the road stunned his concentration to the point he lost control of his car. Ginger watched helplessly as the Mustang swerved sharply along the road heading eastbound past her now, losing control and spinning out of sight around the next curve just 50 yards or so ahead, then she heard the sounds of what had to be the vehicle crashing into the woods off the road, or into another vehicle, she couldn’t see! Ginger walked back to the Challenger and found Dean standing there watching her with arms folded and a sinister smirk on his lean face.

“See how much trouble you cause sweet-cheeks?” he chuckled at the nude hooker walking back toward him shaking her head and giggling about the car accident.

“We get a room big stud?” she asked as she stepped up to him for a hug and kiss.

“Yep, the manager on duty gave it to us for the full day,” Dean said approvingly, hands reaching down her back to squeeze her bare ass again, then they kissed and turned to walk to room # 8 just two doors down from where the Challenger was parked.

“Ever see that movie ‘Psycho’ . . . . doesn’t this place looks like the Bates Motel?” Ginger quipped in humor as she followed Dean into the motel room now, leaving her clothes and rucksack in the car without concern, even though that was all she had in the world.

“Ever see the movie ‘Duel’ . . . . about a man who gets chased by a bully trucker and can’t seem to shake him no matter what route he takes?” Dean asked her in a chuckle as she jumped onto the bed, bouncing and laughing in care-free attitude while Dean locked the motel room door behind them, looking out the covered window once more before turning
his attention to the inviting naked female on the bed right now, her lewd positioning of her incredible body making him all the more eager to “finish her off” like she suggested.

“No, I don’t get to the movies very often,” she cooed as she rose up on her haunches.

“Kinda similar to what we’re involved in with that pissed-off trucker you swindled,” Dean said matter-of-factly as he stepped to the foot of the bed, undoing his belt buckle.

“Ooooh… . so maybe he’ll find us… cut your balls off and mount my ass on his wall?” she chimed in humor, and then reached for his tool which was still covered from earlier.

“You’re a very funny lady… .,” Dean snickered as she pulled on his stiffening dick to get him onto the bed with her. “You here to interview me or to fuck me?” she giggled as he sailed between her open legs to resume their intercourse from the car, only now on a semi-cozy motel room bed and without the risk of anyone seeing them.

“OOOAAAH… . YEEEAAAHH… . DON’T STOP BIG STUD!!” Ginger cried out in delight of the penetration as Dean plowed into her missionary-style with his shirt, jacket, and holstered gun still on, only his pants and sneakers off of him, drilling into her sweet spot without fail, thrusting like it might be his last! Arching his back to drive his manhood as far inside of her as possible, Dean’s mind switched for a brief moment to consider that by pulling off the road and parking at a motel like this might have tricked that mad trucker and yes that maniac might have kept going eastbound… . but what if he didn’t and back-tracked along Rt. 501 back toward this way to see if the white Dodge Challenger might have pulled-off to hide from him somewhere… . it was morning now and the sun was coming up bright… . if that trucker drives back this way he’ll likely see the white Dodge Challenger parked here at the “Motel Dixie Dream” . . . Dean knew he should have thought of that before checking in… . before going balls-deep with Ginger right now… . but he tried to think positive… . the trucker likely kept heading eastbound!

Looking down at the naked woman lying on her back with big tits jiggling as he pumped into her, Dean surrendered to the sensation and momentarily forgot the danger of that trucker coming back to find them here at this cheap motel. Besides, he did have his trusted .357 Magnum revolver holstered under his left arm still, removing his jean jacket and tossing it to the floor now. Dean hammered Ginger without hesitation, sailing into her as she lay beneath him moaning and writhing in delight of the action, then he lifted her legs up over his shoulders for pile-driver sex, continuing unabated. Before long, they were exhausted and falling asleep, Dean going out before Ginger as he ended up face-down on the bed once they were done fucking. It wasn’t very long at all when he was awoken back into reality with a female shriek of alarm, Ginger standing up abruptly to see a familiar Mack truck pulling across the motel’s dirt parking lot directly in front of the row of rooms and #8 where the two of them were lodging.

“It’s him… . jeezus, he found us!” she quipped as she looked at the weary-faced Dean McCool rising to a sitting position on the motel room’s bed, absorbing what she said.

The naked hooker then lunged for the holstered .357 Magnum revolver now on the nightstand by the bed after Dean took it off during their last 30 minutes of sex earlier.

“Wait!!” Dean shouted as she bolted across the room for the door, his loaded revolver gripped in two hands, the naked Ginger jerking the door open, raw sunlight splashing in.

The naked hooker was out the door before he could make it to his feet while reaching for his jeans and sneakers, Dean seeing her run toward the now-parked 18 wheeler between the parked cars of the motel and the road, but she didn’t hear him yelling at her, sheer adrenalin and her own fearful fury taking over all her senses as she ran naked out past the
Dodge Challenger and toward the front cab of the Mack truck. What she didn’t hear was Dean yelling to her about that truck not being the one that had been chasing them earlier!

It had yellow striping along its trailer and its cab was yellow not white as the pursuing truck had been, a detail he had noticed this morning despite the low light. Ginger acted on the premise of the big truck being the same make and model of their mad trucker pursuer.

The truck’s driver was coming out of his cab to stop and ask the motel manager if he can park over in the nearby vacant lot for a break, when he glimpsed something the 40-year old man never imagined he’d be seeing anytime during his life: a well-built naked woman running toward him with a firearm in hand, aiming the gun toward him as she approached in a furious sprint, big tits flopping in jubilant motion. Most people wouldn’t freeze in place when someone was running toward them like this, but this trucker did, eyes fixated on those tits of hers, the gun almost being a surreal joke until it fired…

Ginger had squeezed the trigger shouting “Bastard!” as it went off with a loud roar and violent buck in her two hands, the .357 Magnum bullet leaving the barrel at a trajectory which missed the trucker’s chest she flimsily aimed for and struck the top portion of his left shoulder, grazing him and going on into the air past him as the man spun around in reaction, losing his balance off the truck’s cab step to fall for the dirt below, yelping in the pain of the wound to his shoulder. The naked hooker fired again and the second bullet punched into the truck’s cab through the driver side door, then she stopped and stumbled to try and level the gun toward the fat trucker rolling on the dirt 8 feet in front of her, firing again but missing him by about three feet high, that bullet traveling all the way to the motel office through the window there to strike the clerk in the ass as he was on a small ladder at that particular moment, hanging a plant to make the office look better.

It was then Dean McCool swept her off her feet, one hand around her waist while the other grabbed for his revolver in her right hand, pulling Ginger away from the wounded trucker she was trying to kill, shouting in her ear that he was not the one pursuing them from last night, not the trucker they were hiding from! Pulling her off her bare feet like a sack of potatoes all the way back to his parked Challenger, Dean unceremoniously shoved the naked hooker back inside his car through the open driver’s side door and then climbed in behind the wheel himself to key the engine to life once more. His mind focused solely on getting himself and Ginger out of there before anyone could recover to the point of identifying him, her, and his car, the faster they get out of there the better…

Gunning the car back onto Rt. 501 heading eastbound, Dean was confident for the most part he had succeeded except for the fact he had left his shoes back in the motel room, so he was dressed in jeans and t-shirt now but no shoes. He also thanked his lucky stars the motel clerk had not asked for his ID when he paid $20 for the day’s stay in room #8.

“Hot damn you’re one-hundred-percent trouble!” he snapped back at the naked hooker now in the back seat, his .357 Magnum lying on the front passenger seat now.

“I thought that was that motherfucker from the truck stop… . damn!” Ginger quipped as she settled into a seated position behind his seat, staring out the side window port as he sped along Rt. 501 at an easy 60mph, her adrenalin easing as minutes ticked by.

“Hell no sugar-tits, you shot an innocent goddamn truck-driver back there!” Dean chuckled back at her with less fury this time, eyes glued to the road ahead and ears out the open window to listen out for police sirens which he about halfway-expected.

“Shit, my ears still ringing… . that gun of yours is loud,” she said next as she rubbed her left ear, Dean glancing back at his nude female passenger in his rear-view mirror again.

“You ever see that chicks-in-prison movie ‘Caged Heat’?” Dean asked her as he roared past a small 25-cent theater on the right showing that movie which came out last year.

“No, why?” she giggled from the back seat, still naked despite her clothes in the car.

“Cuz you might end up in a women’s prison if we get fingered for your shooting-gallery back at that motel, with me on some chain-gang somewhere,” Dean said in serious tone.

“Don’t sweat it big guy… . hey, I did see a movie recently called ‘Black Belt Jones’,” she remarked in casual response then gave a giggle, surprising him at how easy she took the fact she just shot someone in anger who didn’t deserve getting a bullet.

“Oh yeah, that one came out last year too, I remember… . Jim Kelly was in it, same dude who was in ‘Enter the Dragon’ with Bruce Lee,” Dean said back to his naked passenger.

“Yep, kinda handsome for a black guy… . I’d fuck him!” Ginger snickered in humor, making her driver laugh again which felt good, countering the trouble they felt coming.

“I bet you would sweet-cheeks, hah-haanh… . well I am going to assume we’ve lost that trucker from this morning but we might have the cops on our ass before long,” Dean said as he drove slower to avoid being pulled over and remained on Rt. 501 but kept some “pull over hideaways” in mind just in case, knowing this part of South Carolina fairly well. With the two of them talking about movies, he remembered an old theater just off 501 not far from this stretch of road, thinking it would be most likely still in-business.

“Oh baby, you’re an awesome lay and all… . but don’t you know that assumption is the queen mother of all fuck-ups?” Ginger spoke softly in his left ear as she leaned forward against the back of the driver’s bucket-seat, her hands snaking around to touch his face.

Dean McCool never hated being more “wrong” than approximately two seconds after his naked female passenger said that in his ear, his eyes catching the sight of an 18-wheeler Mack truck slowing at the intersection just ahead to his left, and because Dean had the green light he wasn’t slowing down to go on through the intersection, and he realized that particular Mack truck was exactly the one from last night at the truck stop!

“Oh shit… .,” he sighed in disbelief as he drove through the intersection unable to avoid the big rig suddenly lurching forward to catch the oncoming Dodge Challenger, although the speed Dean was going took the car through the green light fast enough to where the front corner bumper of the Mack truck caught the Challenger at its rear driver’s side corner bumper. Between the sickening “crunch” sound of the truck cornering the car at its ass-end and the yelp of the stunned and frightened hooker in his back seat, Dean’s mind was racing out of control as much as the Challenger was a split-second after the big Mack truck intentionally struck it. The car went into a full 360-degree spin counter-clockwise from the intersection; narrowly missing an oncoming Dodge Dart and a Mercury Cougar in the opposing lane it crossed a hair-second after the two cars passed.

“Shit, get us outta this Dean!” Ginger shrieked as the car spun 360 one more time as he over-compensated in steering then she rolled forward from the back seat into the front landing in the passenger seat first then bounced left to Dean in the driver’s seat, her big boobs slapping him in the face as he head hit the car’s ceiling above him and she bounced back into the passenger seat toward the floor-board as the car sailed off the road and down a grassy embankment. Dean was out of control and he knew it, praying for a soft “landing” wherever that might be since his vision was dizzied by the earlier spin-out.

There was a large splash of water across the hood of his car then a lurching “hump” that felt about the same as driving over a speed-bump at 50 mph, and then the passenger door flew open and the naked Ginger flew out of the Challenger as if she were simply a tossed rag doll! He was restrained by his seat belt or he might have been thrown along with her, the car rolling fast along cement again, Dean unable to see yet, but he heard the car’s frame strike something solid as if it had “jumped” a ways and now landed out of control but on all four tires, his worst fear being a roll-out but that wasn’t happening.

The car then came to a stop once he thought to mash on the brakes, screeching to a halt in what initially appeared to be some parking lot, having busted through a chain-link fence to get here. He focused his vision once the car was halted and Dean then shifted into park instinctively, looking around as his car’s engine stalled out a second later. It was the rear lot of an old movie theater… . the one he’d been thinking of earlier and remembered being near here, a place he could stop and hide from the mad trucker, the very same vindictive, unyielding son-of-a-bitch who forced him off the road seconds ago!

“Jeezus, my car… . what tha… . shit!” Dean quipped out loud as he unfastened his seatbelt and pushed his driver’s door open to step up and out of his wrecked car, eyes surveying the damage that wasn’t as bad as he first imagined before getting out of the car to look.

“Ginger?!!” he called out as he looked over in the small stretch of woods and grassy knoll behind the theater between there and Rt. 501 up the hill about 50 yards, not seeing her.

He had managed to miss the trees on the way down here but lost his naked passenger, fearing she might be seriously injured or dead from being thrown out of a moving car.

Standing at his crashed car looking out to the grassy tree line where she had to have fallen, but his attention was overwhelmed by the distinctive roar of a huge diesel truck engine barreling around the far corner of the old theater, its air horn sounding its charge as it came into view, the mad trucker following his prey all the way down here despite forcing it off the road. Dean was awestruck by the sight of the Mack truck coming toward him, seeing the enraged face of the burly man behind its wheel more clearly than he had back at the truck stop hours ago and he knew this mad trucker was fully intent upon killing him no matter what. By the time Dean sprang into a sprint away from his car just by a foot or more, the Mack truck struck the white Challenger broad-side and sent it into a tumbling roll away from the running Dean McCool heading in the opposite direction.

The car exploded in a fireball of gasoline and displaced energy after being struck and rolled by the huge 18-wheeler, rolling fireball of smashed metal coming to a fiery rest 30 yards away as the big Mack truck narrowly did a 180-dgree turn to resume pursuit of the man now on foot and running for the corner pathway on the side of the old movie theater from whence the truck had come. Dean ran as fast as he could but his legs were sore and he was not in the best of running-shape as he now wished he had been, hearing the screeching tires of the big rig now gunning closer behind him hell-bent on running his ass over. He ran for the corner of the old theater as fast as he could as the truck picked up speed as it straightened up from its sharp turn-around in the back lot there. Dean heard a distinctive loud “pop” which echoed sharply across the parking lot followed by two more loud pops he recognized as gunfire all of a sudden, still running as fast as he could, wanting to turn that corner and hopefully make it into the public venue and get help…

Reaching the corner of the old building, he hit the wall and fell in a stumble from running so fast and losing equilibrium at that moment, feeling the rush of air from the 18-wheeler now rolling right past him where he landed, just a few feet away, its engine slowing as if the driver took his foot off the accelerator… that was what had happened actually because the driver had suffered a fatal gunshot wound to the head from a .357 Magnum round fired through his passenger side window to strike him just shy of his right ear.

Dean forced himself to his bare feet, eyes on the 18-wheeler as it sailed into the front parking lot of the old movie theater, coming to a stop once it struck the retaining wall on the other side. He couldn’t believe it, but still expected the driver to come out of the cab somehow, a real determined bastard that mad trucker was, but then he looked behind him to see something else both pleasant and surprising: the naked hooker named Ginger sauntering from the grassy knoll and stretch of woods where she had been thrown from his car. She was muddy all over and carrying a handgun in her right hand down by her thigh as she walked across the rear lot there where his car burned, toward him now. She smiled wearily at the man she had just saved from being run-over by the mad trucker, having located his assumed-lost .357 Magnum revolver that had been thrown from the car along with her during the crash, and she successfully shot the trucker gunning for him!

“Well I’m glad you came along for the ride sweet-cheeks,” Dean chuckled as the naked woman wandered up to him with a sleepy expression on her muddy face, her entire nude body covered in swamp-like mud now which greatly softened her fall from the car and saved her life so that she could save his ass in return, or something like that anyway.

“Hmmmh… oh that was a lot of fuckin’ fun,” she chimed with a forced grin on her muddy face, handing the empty revolver to him as they faced one another up close, then they kissed and she took a few steps back, looking over at the burning Dodge Challenger.

“And everything I owned was in my backpack, in your car… . all gone now thanks to that sawed-off crazy fucko trucker… who also happened to be my husband,” she said matter-of-factly, hands on her bare hips as she looked over at the burning car, thinking.

“Whoah… . your husband?” Dean retorted in angst as he descended to his haunches now, crouching down on the cement with his back to the old theater building he leaned against.

“Yeah… . guess I’m really not a hooker, and yes that psycho son-of-a-bitch was my abusive husband who owned the trucking company that truck was a part of… . he and a couple of his drivers found me at that truck stop after I ran away from home a week ago to try and start a new life without him,” the naked and muddy Ginger explained as she turned back around to look at the exhausted and slightly-injured Dean McCool.

“He was possessive, abusive, and mean as a snake after we got married last year, I foolishly thought I was in love with a cuddly teddy bear… I ran away and was gonna try to start a new life with new identity and all that,” Ginger continued matter-of-factly.

“Ever hear of the word divorce?” Dean asked up at her, eyes on her muddy boobs.

“No chance lover, he would’ve killed me before any divorce decree was finalized,” she said with a giggle, then looked over at the crashed 18-wheeler, no sounds of sirens or anything yet but they knew they’d be coming down the pike soon enough.

“This makes me a widow, and I owe it all to you Dean McCool,” Ginger said impishly as she stepped toward the crouching man leaning back against the wall of the old theater.

“Sorry about your car though, that car was tits!” she said next in an almost cheerful voice.

“Hunh, yeah… but it wasn’t mine just yet… . I won that car in a poker game last week but I hadn’t got around to changing the title to my name just yet,” he said with a shrug.

“Tell you what big stud… . I’ll buy you a new one if you want it,” she added with a smile at him, her right hand out in gesture for him to stand and join her in agreement.

“You can do that?” he replied, feeling a little better about the situation already.

“Sure, my husband is dead now, I’m his only next of kin and therefore the sole heir to his trucking company… . he had a quarter-of-a-million-dollar life insurance policy that I’m the beneficiary of, and it is obvious no one else witnessed you and me here when this shit
happened, so I owe you at least that,” she chimed with a continuing grin as he stood up to face her closely then they kissed again. Dean smiled at the mud-covered lady and pulled her into him in an embrace, feeling a lot better now that she had told him the truth.

“Cops and Firemen will be here soon enough… we should split,” Ginger sighed as they both looked up at the smoke rising into the sky from his burning car behind the theater.

“You sure he’s dead?” Dean asked her as they started to walk toward the front of the old theater together, arms around one another. “Yep, I saw the last bullet nearly take his head off,” Ginger said girlishly as they walked to the front of the old movie theater, one hand sliding down to her bare ass squeezing gently as they stopped in front of the theater marquee which read: “DEATH RACE 2000”~Now Playing~.

“They won’t let me in looking like this,” the naked Ginger said as she jiggled her boobs.

“It’s an old Grindhouse theater baby… . you’ll fit right in,” Dean laughed as he opened the door to walk inside with his new girlfriend under his arm.

103467311UNSSVANDERBILT>>>>>>>>Recall>>>>>Recall>>>>>Recall>>>>>

The end-recall process of the Memory Cortex machine aboard the UNSS Vanderbilt had an awful “unwind” process as Lieutenant Crampton Cox had become accustomed to ever since he first indulged the entertainment device aboard his spacecraft four years ago shortly after leaving space-dock orbiting Mars. The year was 2109 and mankind was exploring outer space for the betterment of well… . womankind! Men were assigned the worst “jobs” planetbound either on Earth, Mars, or even the colonies on Earth-Moon and on Phobos. Men also were assigned the most dangerous tasks such as deep-space travel, asteroid mining, and deep-earth resource drilling ever since the end of the Worldwide Islamic Wars on Earth back in the 2050s. The United Nations Space Expeditionary Program began in 2075 once the United States of Europa became the first Feminist Oligarchy shortly following the world-devastating Islamic Wars, and with men being officially consigned to second-class citizenship, their female rulers with their armies of cloned, mind-controlled soldier-enforcers forced men to take a far subservient role in what was left of life on war-torn planet earth. Lieutenant Crampton Cox was this space craft’s sole pilot and inhabitant, as were most other space-exploration ships of the UNSS Line, his craft roughly the size of the 20th Century “Space Shuttles” only they appeared to look more like 1950s-era rockets in shape. Given the commission of Lieutenant was both an honor for a man to receive in this day and age but also an insult as far as Crampton Cox was concerned, for he was an Officer with no one else to “command” and he knew that UNSS Command wanted it that way. No man was to be trusted in “authority” according to the Geneva Human Behavior Codes passed into enforceable law once the Islamic Wars came to an end in the late 2050s. Lt. Crampton Cox considered himself thankful to have the “Memory Cortex” machine aboard his ship for the lifelong trip To the end of the Solar System where an allegedly “inhabitable” planet was discovered by a space telescope a few years ago. The Memory Cortex device was a coffin-shaped chamber built into the ship’s hull near the cockpit allowing a single user to lie inside it and access downloaded human memories from the past, downloaded human memories that temporarily flood the user’s mind as if he was experiencing the memory first-hand!

Lt. Cox enjoyed the Memory Cortex, the one “pleasure” he was granted like all other deep-space explorers aboard space craft commissioned by the United Nations and the “Supreme Chancelora”, the Ruler elected-for-life over all of human womanhood and their
enslaved and restrained male subjects. It was not lost on Lt. Cox that perhaps the powers-that-be allowed deep-space explorers such as him this unusual “privilege” of the Memory Cortex machine because 99% of men launched into deep space do not return to Mother Earth within their mortal lifetimes! Experiencing the memories of men from the past, men long gone but men who lived a much different life than he ever would… . might have been frustrating for some but sheer entertainment for Crampton Cox during the endless hours of space flight into the endless abyss of the Universe. Men like Dean McCool, one of his favorite downloaded memories on file in the Cortex machine aboard his vessel here made Lt. Cox reflect on the obvious realization that life had been BETTER many many years ago, that men and women were once FREE and cared for one another, had natural sexual relations (unlike strictly-homosexuality and celibacy forced upon humanity now).

What he wouldn’t give for a chance to go back to the 1970s, during Dean McCool’s era and make love to a woman like Ginger or any of the other women seen in the various other memory-chips stored inside the Cortex machine aboard his space craft. A man would be castrated for even speaking of such a thing back on Earth or even possessing a straight-sex image or film footage as had happened to a worker-colony pal of his twenty years ago when he was growing up in what used to be the United States of America now controlled by a tyrannical Feminist Oligarch in Europa. Yes, Lt. Cox knew the score because he had once read banned books and banned historical tracts, keeping the knowledge and inappropriate thoughts to himself all these years, never trusting anyone to share such with. Now here he was flying into deep space on a no-return exploratory trip to the end of the known Solar System, reporting back via comm-link to UNSS HQ twice a month, his next report due just two minutes from now. He realized that UNSS had surely allowed the Memory Cortex machines placed upon Exploratory vessels such as this one so that the solitary crew members would not go insane with loneliness and ruin the mission by self-destruction, so the machine served the feminist mistresses in a different manner than the way it served him, but just the same… a necessary instrument.

Downloaded memories became technologically feasible in the 2020s and so he presumed that his “hero” Dean McCool lived long enough to have his mind at least partially downloaded, that man’s memory from the 1970s now Lieutenant Crampton Cox’s favorite form of entertainment… he could almost feel the danger first hand, almost feel the soft flesh of that naked woman named Ginger! Crampton Cox had never had sex with a woman or a man for that matter because other men did not interest him in that way despite the feminist government’s pushy advocacy of same-sex couplings. Those downloaded memories of one Dean McCool (whose natural lifespan expired decades ago) kept him “sane” as he continued his lifelong journey through outer space.

Climbing back into the familiar cockpit of his vessel now, Lt. Crampton Cox sat in the lone pilot’s seat just as the comm.-link monitor on the control console came to life for the bi-weekly status report which would took days to reach him from Earth.

The screen came to life with the image of a woman he had never in a hundred years would have expected to personally interface with a lowly space pilot such as him, a woman who frightened him instantly with her visage now appearing on the monitor:

The Supreme Chancelora herself, Head of State for the Earth, Mars, and Colonies.

“Man Pilot of UNSS Vanderbilt… . This is your Supreme Chancelora, greetings from the Mother Earth and all of her feminine territories,” spoke the gently-accented voice of The Supreme Chancelora who resided in Geneva, Europa and ruled with an iron glove.

“Wise and Benevolent Chancelora, greetings and praises dearest Madame,” Lt. Cox spoke in return, bowing his head as done many times before on Earth whenever any man passes by a photo, poster, or graven image of the Supreme Chancelora of Mother Earth.

She was a beautiful Caucasian woman in her late 30s with wavy blonde hair pinned behind her head, scrubbed face almost glowing, and she wore as she often did, blouses that displayed her sizeable cleavage, breasts no man dared look upon too favorably for fear of castration or enslavement in the coal mines. He had heard one rumor whispered before he left Mars that the Supreme Chancelora’s name was “Ilsa” and so he wondered what she might say if he now spoke not of his deep space mission status to her as she expected right now, but rather: “Hey Ilsa baby, show me your tits!” (The End).

SHOWCASE
80’S

SEXPLOITATION ~and~
“SEX COMEDY”

PORKY’S (1982)

Written and Directed by Bob Clark

Now whoever was alive and old enough at the time doesn’t remember PORKY’S?

From the howling female gym teacher who liked to romp in the guys’ locker-room to the fat-ass female coach nicknamed “Ballbreaker” and the ever-horny high school student nicknamed “Pee-Wee” because he was unusually small between the legs? Okay, how about the most infamous scene involving the guys sneaking into the crawlspace behind the girls’ showers to peek in through a hole to see their female classmates showering after gym class (full-adult-nudity all over) only to have “Ballbreaker” charge in to interrupt the fun? Come on, you remember seeing this “guy-flick” either at the theater, on late night Cable-TV back in the day or thanks cheap DVD box-set recently… admit it!

“Porky’s” in the film is both the name of an adults-only establishment situated in the backwoods of Florida near Angel Beach and the name of the burly owner who doesn’t take kindly to underage punks sneaking into his booze-n-burlesque establishment. When the main teenage crew (Pee-Wee and his pals) decide to sneak into the place, they’re uncovered and unceremoniously kicked out by Porky and his armed bouncers, backed up by his brother on the local Police Department. Director Bob Clark expertly captured and lampooned the typical horny teenager in his quest to get laid as much as possible and on top of that situated it back in the 1950s of all time periods! PORKY’S is basically that, a funny tale of best friends (and a few enemies) trying to get through high school and have sex without consequence, giving a funny fictional view of the 1950s that never was, but then again this is fantasy filmmaking after all! A variety of colorful characters mixed with stereotypes and archetypical high school teachers, coaches, etc. from “Pee-Wee” Morris who incessantly seeks carnal congress to no avail, to “Meat” who is a jock character hung like a mule and named because of it, to “Lassy” who gets it on with another gym teacher in the boys locker room and howls out loud in orgasm heard all through the school building, to the bumbling Principal who is shocked by the conduct of his students to the point he doesn’t have any idea what to do with them, often siding with them in naiveté. PORKY’S set the bar for other “sex comedy” films to come throughout the early 1980s and made gratuitous nudity and casual sex “funny” like never before.

Available nowadays in a DVD box-set along with the two sequels!

SPRING BREAK (1983)

Directed by Sean S. Cunningham. Written by David Smilow.

“Like it’s really, totally, the most fun a couple of bodies can have… You know?” read the tag-line for this 1983 sex comedy featured in the party-city of Ft. Lauderdale Florida where college guys and gals go for annual Spring Break (“exploiting” a very real location and tradition held to this day by college co-eds nationwide!). A pair of geek buddies named Nelson and Adam find that the rooms they thought they had all to themselves were booked up and so they end up agreeing to share a room with two older working-class-joes down for the week Stu and O.T. who are way too cool of course, and offer to help the two dorks get laid and have a real good time even if the local Building Inspector threatens to shut the Hotel down and dork Nelson’s politician step-father threatens to throw a wrench into the four guys’ fun! Once again, the sexploitation premise here is also “getting laid” in the sex-without-consequence fashion by the heroes of the film, in this case the four friends sharing a motel room during Lauderdale’s infamous “Spring Break” time with the entire city full of college co-eds looking for drink, sex, music, and overall good times in order to “decompress” from college studying. The characters of Adam and Nelson are increasingly annoying in their nerdy mannerisms but improve slightly the more they hang around the “Alpha” type guys Stu and O.T. who show them how to run with the big dogs when it comes to meeting women, drinking without passing out, and of course, getting one’s dick wet! With Nelson’s step-father and the corrupt building inspector gunning for everyone’s good time, the run-around antics of the four heroes is entertaining but predictable and despite the lack of real antagonism in the plotline, this film entertains with clever one-liners, plenty of tits and ass on display, party scenes of madcap fun, and of course the sex scenes such as the romp inside the motel room where Stu and O.T. hammer a pair of female co-eds on the beds while the horny but frightened nerds Adam and Nelson eat their hearts out just watching their buddies get some!

Actress (and Penthouse Pet of the Year 1982) Corinne Alphen makes an appearance dancing in a bikini and becomes the love-interest of the character O.T., that smile and smoking-hot body of hers a delightful addition to this film, so much so that famous Film Critic Roger Ebert praised her appearance in the film SPRING BREAK at the time he reviewed it and lamented that she was not one of the film’s main characters!

*For a good shot of Corinne Alphen check out the 1987’s spoof-comedy film entitled AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON, where she gets topless in the ending-skit scene.*

SPRING BREAK epitomizes the early 1980s’ “sex comedy” sub-genre in the sense it has all the angles required to fit into such a column: gorgeous women, gratuitous nudity, sex scenes, comic relief and outrageous scenarios, as well as comical characters (funny nerds) throughout as well as the general “good guys win” ending where the hero gets the girl(s) and the blue-nosed kill-joys get what’s coming to them as well.

“Spring Break” still occurs each year in Fort Lauderdale, Daytona Beach, Myrtle Beach, and numerous other coastal resorts in the USA where college students congregate to party and decompress after college lets out. The movie SPRING BREAK is a fictional “ode” to that American tradition as well as serves as a fun glimpse back to life in the early 1980s.

SPRING BREAK Movie Poster (1983)

PRIVATE SCHOOL (1983)

Directed by Noel Black. Written by Dan Greenberg and Suzanne O’Malley
A Universal Pictures Release

A “classy” take on horny college kid life situated in a Private College of the wealthy where the guys are going so far as to dress up in drag in order to get inside the female dorm rooms. As was often the case, the “kids” were portrayed by actors and actresses whom were in reality a little older than the 18/19 year old characters they were playing.

Sexy Actress Betsy Russell plays the super-chick role of “Jordan” who is a spoiled lass with a hot ass and the one every guy desires, save the one she wants of course, the lead male character of “Jim” (Matthew Modine). Jim and his two buddies, one of whom is the stereotypical “Lard-Ass” buddy named “Bubba” who like most overweight guys makes an ass out of himself to garner attention, are on-the-prowl for some female booty at this very private school which they later infiltrate wearing female attire only to get busted and nearly ruin the planned romp between Jim (Modine) and his prudish girlfriend (played by Phoebe Cates of “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” fame). Arguably so, this Sex Comedy ranks as one of the best for its primo scenes most remembered by fans of the genre today, such as the outdoor girls-gym class workout to the tune of Rick Springfield’s hit song “The American Girl” and of course Betsy Russell’s topless horseback ride as well as the nude shower-scene when “Bubba” sneaks into the girls’ locker room (in drag) and peeks in as the ladies shower. In that nude shower scene, one of the naked co-eds (the blonde with big tits) is actually a Playboy® Playmate from 1982, Lynda Wiesmeier. If you gotta have a naked “extra” in a scene, why not a Playboy Playmate?!

STUCK ON YOU (1982)

Directed by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz. Produced by Michael Herz,
Lloyd Kaufman, and Stuart Strutin. A Troma Entertainment Release.

I remember the box cover of the VHS and Beta videotape copies of this flick at my local video rental store back in the early 1980s being one of the most sexually-enticing images I had seen on a video box cover at the time! It was of a young man and hot young woman embraced blowing bubblegum with the female in a bikini, ass up… . well I was only 14 years old at the time so give me a break, haha. This Troma flick was supposedly inspired by the writings of Tom Lehrer and Stan Freberg about a strange couple who are in a palimony suit against one another. A comical Judge proceeds to detail how famous lovers of the past such as Adam and Eve, King Arthur and Guinevere etc. were stressed by similar troubles and that the couple should stay together… to stay “stuck”! Sexy a comedy it was but the couple on the old video box cover looked better than the couple in the film.

Good flick from Troma and the talented Lloyd Kaufman, all things considered (and I will never forget that damn box cover).

TAKIN’ IT ALL OFF (1987)

Directed by Ed Hansen. Written by George “Buck” Flower and Ed Hansen.
Vestron Video

Starring renowned 70s/80s Exotic Dancer Extraordinaire Kitten Natividad as well as 80s Adult Cinema Actress Candi Evans (billed as Jean Poremba in this film) and Nude Model Becky LeBeau as the three leading femmes, TAKIN’ IT ALL OFF is a Guy-Flick classic of late night Cable TV yesteryear despite being a straight-to-video release. Shown on late night Cable TV back during the late 1980s, this “stripper” movie was about exactly that: a school of strippers about to be shut down for failure to pay the rent and their star girl is camera-shy so all hope is lost, that is until “Betty Bigones” is called upon to save the day!

Nationally-renowned Exotic Dancer Francesca “Kitten” Natividad plays the top-heavy character of “Betty Bigones” in this undressed flick where the focus happily deviates from the main storyline to visit Betty Bigones as she dances naked on stage somewhere, indulges her male chauffeur in her dressing room, meets men in social situations and ends up in a sexual advance with them. Nothing beats a woman like Betty Bigones reaching out to touch your “zucchini” in a market (and I’m not talking about the vegetable!).

The full-nudity shower scene of Kitten Natividad in this film is the one scene worth viewing if you skip the rest of the movie, and what she does with a shower brush borders on what most ratings folks would deem to be X-rated. Anyhow, Pin-Up Girl Becky LeBeau rounds out the main focus as the leader of the school for strippers, her randy Landlord threatening to close down her school unless of course she sleeps with him and even the help of an older gay dude and Betty Bigones, the prognosis is not good. That is until they all figure out that by hypnotizing their star pupil (Jean Poremba) to take her clothes off at the sound of a certain song as well as recruiting Betty Bigones herself to strip-dance and outshine them all! For fans of Kitten Natividad, TAKIN’ IT ALL OFF is a signature film to obtain if you can find it on old VHS (never made it to DVD release) for it shows far more of her glorious physique than any of the other 80s movies she had a cameo role in such as MY TUTOR and THE WILD LIFE. It was also the only R-rated film Jean Poremba aka “Candi Evans” of mid-80s X-rated film fame found herself in.

You can also see a brief cameo of nude model Becky LeBeau in the 1985 “Dirty Harry” film SUDDEN IMPACT topless in the scene where she joins the bad guy in bed for a quick romp that gets interrupted by a phone call. TAKIN’ IT ALL OFF is a testament to “gratuitous nudity” which defined the 80s decade sex comedies and guy-flicks such as this story about a stripper-school needing a bail out. The ridiculous premise of this film’s story gravitates toward male fantasy more than most of its kind yes, but for viewers who like to see the shapely ladies cast in it such as Kitten Natividad, Candi Evans, and Becky LeBeau, the ridiculous low-budget antics throughout this film’s comical plotline is all the way forgivable! As a fan of “stripper videos” that just show exotic dancers applying their jiggly trade, I have to add that this film also qualifies as one of those but with some silly sidebars and goofy entertainment in between the strip-tease portions. If you can find this “titular” movie on old VHS of good quality I recommend you convert it over to a DVD and maybe it won’t slide into oblivion along with many other B-movies of its kind.

“AN EVENING WITH KITTEN” (Video Box Cover)

Absolutely the best stripper-video ever produced in the past 30 years with
the unforgettably shapely Kitten Natividad in a bouncy buxom bonanza!

MALIBU EXPRESS (1985)

Directed and Written by Andy Sidaris. Malibu Bay Films.

Without a doubt the most memorable late night Cable-TV “sexploitation” film of the mid-1980s with a small but dedicated fan base to this very day. Written and directed by Andy Sidaris (1931-2007) with very limited theatrical release, abundant VHS and later DVD releases MALIBU EXPRESS is an 80’s-based, action-oriented “Detective” story about a Private Investigator named Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton) who gets hired by the Federal Govt. to ferret out a ring of traitors selling computer secrets to the Russians. Partnered with a busty blonde Government Agent named Contessa Luciana (played by the Amazonian actress Sybil Danning) and the sultry local cop Beverly McAfee (actress Lori Sutton) Cody has his hands and bedroom full! From sexy dames seeking to screw his brains loose every time he turns around to muscle-bound goons looking to rip his head off so that he doesn’t uncover their computer-selling-to-the-Russians operation, the affable Cody doesn’t know whether to just get laid or take cover! Well-chroeographed sex scenes between Cody and Contessa Luciana as well as a very risqué, fully-nude lovemaking scene between Cody and Beverly (Darby Hinton and Lori Sutton) which ranks as this Critic’s all-time #1 R-rated sex scene in a 20th Century motion picture!

MALIBU EXPRESS is in just four words: A LOT OF FUN! It is one of those B-movies you could watch over and over and not hate it at all, a vicarious romp through a funny detective tale sprinkled with Playboy® Playmates in cameo roles such as Cody’s neighbors “May and Fay” (played by Playmates Barbara Edwards and Kimberly McArthur) who are shown in one scene taking a shower together on Cody’s yacht.

Andy Sidaris’ first venture into B-movies is arguably the best of his entire career.

PICASSO TRIGGER (1988)

Written and Directed by Andy Sidaris. Produced by Arlene Sidaris.
Malibu Bay Films.

The third film of the Sidaris dozen filmed between 1985 and 1999, PICASSO TRIGGER was the second Sidaris flick I caught on late night Cable TV back in the late 1980s, and I was awestruck by the climate, dialogue, sexy babes with guns, and outrageous action-adventure provided from start to finish. Andy and Arlene had done it again and this kid was hooked! A Detective story involving an international crime lord, Federal Agents, assassinations, and fiery payback wrapped in skimpy bikinis not worn by the Playboy® Playmates cast in this flick such as Dona Speir, Hope Marie Carlton, and Patty Duffek.

More action and gunplay in this one than in MALIBU EXPRESS and far more pretty ladies such as Patty Duffek (Playboy’s Miss May 1984) as “Agent Pattycakes” who went undercover to ferret out bad guys dancing on stage as a sexy cowgirl, showing off her bare bod in a slinky Jacuzzi scene all by herself, then getting wounded in a gun fight with the villains later on in the film. All in all a fun action movie of what I like to call “class ass”, PICASSO TRIGGER is a high watermark in 80s sexploitation film history!

MALIBU EXPRESS movie poster (1985)

TARZAN THE APE MAN (1981)

Directed by John Derek. Written by Tom Rowe.
Metro-Goldwyn Mayer

Somewhat based on the classic Edgar Rice Burroughs novel “Tarzan of the Apes”, this film was widely panned by critics however made a stunning (at that time) $36 million at the Box Office after only costing just shy of $7 million to be made! Director John Derek knew how to film a locale, a climate, and his beautiful young wife Bo Derek for eager fans of hers to see on the big screen, I’ll always give him that. Derek never made it into the larger-budget league of Lucas, Spielberg, Scott, and Donner but his films such as this one rank as classic “sexploitation” films with this one almost-but-not-quite qualifying as a serious “parody” of earlier Tarzan films. Bo Derek is “Jane” who joins her estranged father (Richard Harris) for a trek into the wild and woolly continent of Africa in search of a legendary “white ape”. The real-world racial ramifications here are almost sublime if not downright comical. Is it just me or did most of the “savages” portrayed in this film appear to be non-African in racial appearance? You tell me! Anyway, the old man and his hot blonde daughter (Bo Derek) get into some rather dull and tawdry activities along the way but the action finally heats up when Jane is nearly devoured by a Lion only to have Tarzan (Miles O’Keefe) save her ass and win her heart at the same time of course.

The obvious sexual tension between Bo and Miles in this film was so damn thick you’d need a machete to slice it! Bo gets kidnapped by a tribe of savages and there is a scene where she is furiously washed and scrubbed by the tribal women in preparation for her “marriage” to the Tribal chief which is pretty enticing considering Bo’s “perfect 10” physique sans clothes! Before she can be ceremoniously presented to the African Chief Jane is saved again by Tarzan who sweeps the blonde cupcake up for himself of course.

Does TARZAN THE APE MAN qualify as an Exploitation film? Yes, at the point where a savage white guy saves a drop-dead-gorgeous blonde vixen from getting “jungle fever” at the hands of African tribesmen… . hell yeah, pure “exploitation” (ha-ha-ha).

Now I said this about Derek’s other film BOLERO in my 2008 book “The Midnight Show~ Late Night Cable TV Guy-Flicks of the 80s” but I’ll say it again: it is quite obvious that John Derek liked to show off his wife Bo in the films he directed with her in the lead, even at the expense of some of the other cast members and alas, some of the acting by certain other actors. Miles O’Keefe was not a well-trained thespian in this film nor the other films he co-starred in, but I still got to respect the guy who got that close to the shapely Bo Derek back in a time when I was pissing off my 6th grade teacher!

Bo Derek was the “10” of her day, no doubt about that, and I for one think that Edgar Rice Burroughs might have approved of Bo Derek to portray his character of “Jane” and maybe even his beautiful Martian Princess “Dejah Thoris” if John Derek had made a film of Burroughs’ sci-fi classic “A Princess of Mars”? Rest in Peace John Derek, and thanks for giving us movie-hounds some very unique films.

PARODY / “SPOOF”

YOUNG DOCTORS IN LOVE (1982)

Directed by Garry Marshall. Written by Michael Elias and Rich Eustis.
ABC Motion Pictures / 20th Century Fox (USA)

The 1980s brought “Spoof” flicks such as this one where a certain type of film or TV show/film/series etc. is made-fun-of in an adult comedy vein, this film being one of the best examples of such comedy “spoof” films. In the case of the film YOUNG DOCTORS IN LOVE, it was daytime “medical” shows/soaps being spoofed in an adult-oriented setting of outrageous circumstances. A sharp young trainee can’t stand the sight of blood; a doctor romances the head nurse in order to get into the drugs cabinet; there’s a Mobster on the loose disguised as a woman, and as you can guess plenty of hair-brained action and comical incidents throughout the hospital ward where no real doctors and nurses could ever have so much fucking fun! 1980s staples Dabney Coleman, Harry Dean Stanton, Sean Young, Michael McKean, and Michael Richards (Seinfeld’s “Kramer”) all partake in this funny but not too graphic sexy comedy tale lampooning the “hospital” themed soap operas and TV shows of the late 70s and early 1980s. All in all a fun flick to watch and don’t miss the “Christmas gift” topless scene where the character of Jyll Omato gets naked to sit in Dr. Prang’s (Dabney Coleman) lap. That nude scene was done by Kimberly McArthur who was a Playboy® Playmate that same year and subsequently one of the finest-looking of all the Playmates during the entire decade of the 1980s.

More can be seen of Kimberly McArthur’s beautiful bare bod in another comedy film EASY MONEY starring Rodney Dangerfield which was released a year after this one.

YOUNG DOCTORS IN LOVE with a budget of just $7 million grossed a substantial $30 million dollars at the Box Office which was certainly above-average during the 1980s and received positive reviews even from The New York Times and did not get reamed by critics on Rotten Tomatoes like many films of its stripe have been.

Films that I call “Parody” and/or “Spoof” flicks have always fallen under comedy with perhaps one or two exceptions, the parody and slapstick “poke” at more serious films, shows, or icons is seriously a better part of comedy entertainment that “exploits” the facets of more serious fare. Hell, if we can’t MAKE FUN of ourselves, then why don’t we all just go living in a friggin’ monastery! Thankfully, the US Supreme Court has upheld the rights of filmmakers and publishers to “parody” famous people and works already done by others or we would have a very dull and limited entertainment industry nowadays. Another 80s “Parody/Satire” filmmaking example are the two AIRPLANE! films with their slapstick-comedy, unexpected cameos and of course Kitten Natividad’s big tits (in both films) jiggling in a tight t-shirt as the plane undergoes shaking turbulence.

NINJA films

REVENGE OF THE NINJA (1983)

Directed by Sam Firstenberg. Written by James Silke.
A Cannon Films and MGM/United Artists Release

The most remembered and perhaps most violent of the “trilogy” of Ninja films from the 1970s ENTER THE NINJA to 84’s NINJA III though the storylines do not appear to intersect whatsoever. Renowned Marital Artist and Actor Sho Kosugi is in all three, this one the most memorable for his bloody and protracted battle with the evil Ninja named Braden in REVENGE OF THE NINJA. A Ninja and his family escape Japan in order to try and leave the violent ways of the Ninja clans behind them, only to discover they have been betrayed by their American friend Braden (a highly-trained Ninja himself!) who wants to use his pal’s martial arts shop as a front to sell narcotics in the USA. Granny gets killed along with a lot of other people to include a good cop who sides with Sho Kosugi’s character before the heroic Ninja does what he has to do, to include scurry up the side of a skyscraper and battle the evil Ninja to the death, breaking numerous laws of physics along the way of course. A good martial arts film over all and it gave credence to the “Ninja” craze of the early 1980s, where kids and young adults sought out Ninja outfits, Ninja hoods, Ninja swords, and Ninja movies as the new popularity of Medieval Japan’s black-clad assassins took root. Hollywood of course “exploited” the fad!

NINJA III: THE DOMINATION (1984)

Directed by Sam Firstenberg. Written by James Silke.
A Cannon Films Release

When I first saw this film on Betamax in 1983 at age 14, I was expecting the hot female star on the box cover (Lucinda Dickey) to perhaps get naked in this new Ninja flick of the time since gratuitous nudity was briefly shown in the other “Ninja” flicks, but she stayed generally clothed throughout except for her tight aerobics attire of course. A female aerobics instructor finds a wounded Ninja assassin along the road and offers assistance only to become “possessed” by the soul of the evil Ninja and become a “mule” for the Ninja’s revenge on those responsible for his death, her only way out is through the help of yet another Ninja! *Cupcake should have left the dying Ninja alone on the side of the road! One of the final mainstream “Ninja” movies of the early 1980s NINJA III was a good salute to the genre and a fairly original shake on marital arts action variety.

The Ninja Craze as I call it nowadays was a time period throughout North America where the ancient Japanese Assassin/Spy known as “Ninja” became a pop-culture icon of its own right from Major Motion Pictures to TV and legitimate martial arts studios and Dojos stretching from about 1981-1985 (quite a long time period for a “fad” hunh?). A ninja or shinobi was a covert agent or mercenary of feudal Japan specializing in unorthodox arts of war. The functions of the ninja included espionage, sabotage, infiltration, and assassination. In modern America, this ancient and pretty much extinct warrior became the coolest damn thing to hit the theaters, TV screens, and martial arts magazines in decades and this guy remembers it all too well. I was about 13 years old when I first embraced martial arts and wanted nothing less than to learn Karate and become proficient with the weapons of the Ninjas I saw in such early 80s films such as 1981’s ENTER THE NINJA and 1983’s REVENGE OF THE NINJA. I loved the stealth, power, and near-invincibility portrayed by the cinematic and television Ninja warriors which gave them a “super hero” image and therefore won the loyalty of teenage guys like yours truly who empathized with that image (and so friggin’ wanted to emulate it!).

I enrolled in a Tae Kwon Do martial arts class taught by a Methodist Pastor my family knew and made it all the way to Blue Belt but the lead instructor hated the Ninja fad and forbid his students from wearing any of the Ninja attire or weapons to his class. Later on I was stopped by a Sheriff’s Deputy for carrying my nun-chucks (nunchaku) while walking down the road toward my home and later when I saved up the money to buy an authentic black “Ninja” uniform complete with hood and face wrap I discovered once again that such things attracted police attention pretty damn quick (nowadays they’d probably send a SWAT team after a kid wearing a Ninja mask!) I also discovered that an untrained dude with a pair of nun-chucks can give himself a slight concussion while practicing with those two sticks on a chain and that real “throwing stars” don’t work like they do in the Ninja movies. I spent hours back then trying to master the art of launching the pointy throwing-stars at trees only to watch them bounce harmlessly off and finally determined that a throwing-star would only irritate a human opponent (not actually stick into him like it happens in the movies). I remember the various martial arts magazines that catered to the Ninja craze of the time period, with the alluring covers that rivaled those gratuitous Detective magazines of the same time, and I’d buy them up as soon as they came out, making my parents wonder what kind of blade-wielding maniac their only son was fast becoming under his “Ninja” obsession, climbing all over our second-story patio deck in his Ninja outfit at 10pm. Those were good times in this guy’s life, back when Cable TV was brand new; I was in love with Apollonia Kotero (after seeing her in the film “Purple Rain”) I was studying to become a Ninja all by myself, and everyone I cared about was still alive… . yes indeed, the early 1980s will always be among the best of years for me.

GORESPLOITATION

PIECES (1983)

Directed by Juan Piquer Simon. Written by Joe D’Amato and Dick Randall.
Grindhouse Releasing

Director/Actor Eli Roth calls this film “A masterpiece of early 80’s sleaze” and he’s right on the money in my opinion, as PIECES is an early 80s classic slasher-gorefest with an exploitative emphasis on blood and shock. With a tagline of “Pieces… it’s exactly what you think it is!” what else could this film be but a goresploitation flick of the first order?

Filmed in Spain, this flick starts off with the story’s killer as a child in 1942 when he hacks to pieces his own mother for her threatening to destroy the nude puzzle the kid was putting together (one of those old “nudie-cutie” puzzles of the time period). When the police get there they don’t believe the kid did such a horrendous act so life goes on and the kid grows up with a continuing taste for violent and ravenously bloody murder.

Fast forward about 40 years and an American University where strange murders are taking place involving strangers with chainsaws and other equipment! A chainsaw decapitation of a co-ed then a forced drowning and chainsaw-to-pieces then arms severed in an elevator all in bloody, gory depiction for the movie-goers pleasure. A seasoned Police Detective (actor Christopher George) on the case with an undercover female cop posing as a student doesn’t seem to halt the grisly murders that a male student named Kendall (actor Ian Sera) takes an interest in, wanting to help the police find this killer of sexy co-eds. Maybe it was because Kendall was screwing a lot of the girls and was afraid for his own life! You know, one of those lucky dudes who gain a reputation of being good in the sack so the co-eds all want to fuck him… that’s the character Kendall here.

Shocking to the end, with a very “moody” climate throughout, brilliantly captured by the Director and the filmmaking techniques of the time, PIECES is monumental a selection of slasher-horror recipe found in very few avenues in the entire genre. Outrageous in its premise and shocking moments enough by far to be labeled an exploitation film, PIECES wins the booby-prize with its shocking ending that no one sees coming (unless of course, you’ve seen it before!). Lets just say that perhaps it is a gratuitous slam of vexation for the stud-muffin “hero” who was banging college chicks left and right so freely in this film to inadvertently get his genitals ripped off… . once again the castration fear tossed out there by an Exploitation film! PIECES ranks up there as one of the primo slasher films of the 1980s as well as one that blew away numerous slasher films of the 1970s. PIECES is available nowadays on DVD thanks to our friends at Grindhouse Releasing!

VIGILANTE

DEATH WISH II (1982)

Directed by Michael Winner. Screenplay by David Engelbach.
(Based on Characters created by Brian Garfield)

The sequel to the 1974 original film DEATH WISH starring Charles Bronson, and Bronson resumes his role as Paul Kersey aka “Mister Vigilante” in this film but the character and premise breaks with the original character and plots of the books by Brian Garfield whereas in this film Kersey doesn’t hunt and kill every criminal he can find, he only goes after the ones responsible for rape and murder of his daughter and house maid.

This film opens with Paul Kersey now living in Los Angeles and working as an Architect along with his new fiancée and his mute daughter who is still recovering from the rape that occurred back in NYC (the first film) and one day while in a park, Paul Kersey is unceremoniously relieved of his wallet by a small gang of thugs rushing by whom he pursues and manages to get the better of them although the punks still get away!

With Kersey’s wallet ID complete with home address, the thugs decide to do what “gangstas” do and visit the man who “dissed” them to pay him back for chasing after them earlier, but of course Kersey isn’t home when the punks drop by, however his maid “Rosario” (played convincingly by actress Silvana Gallardo) is in the house doing her work and answers the door unknowingly. Long story short, the gang breaks in and take turns raping Rosario which is a scene that later becomes one of the most controversial “rape” scenes in Hollywood film history, severely edited for all future VHS copies of the film as well as the current DVD release with the one exception being the 1980s VHS version that featured Greek subtitles! The scene was well-acted by the actors (one of the thugs being actor Lawrence Fishburne) and Silvana Gallardo as “Rosario the maid” gave an incredibly convincing performance as the victim who ended up with a crow-bar to the skull soon after the men were done with her. The later rape and murder of Kersey’s daughter added to the filmmaker’s “they all got it coming” motif where the viewer ardently cheers Mister Vigilante through each of the kills to come, Kersey tracking the home-invaders down one by one to execute them as only a good vigilante could do!

The soundtrack was done by Jimmy Page which added to DEATH WISH II’s eerie climate and brooding cityscape which was how many filmmakers of the time period loved to portray Los Angeles after dark. DEATH WISH II is in my opinion the best of the entire five-film DEATH WISH series and the only one that falls under the film genre of Exploitation due to its mondo violence, rape-revenge subplot, and over-the-top “street punk criminal” depiction that makes the audience want to open fire on the punks along with the Vigilante. No one (and I do mean no one!) could ever replace Charles Bronson as the character of Paul Kersey for a DEATH WISH “remake”, so I sincerely hope that Hollywood has no serious ideas about re-doing the film.

MS .45 (1981)

Directed by Abel Ferrar. Written by N.G. St. John
Warner Bros. / Image Entertainment

Often touted as an “underground” cult film due to its poor reception by film critics and the fact that it is rarely found uncut in later VHS and DVD release. Though technically falling under the “Vigilante” sub-genre of Exploitation Films, MS .45 deviates in the sense that the main character ends up killing indiscriminately (in this case all the men at a Halloween party) instead of targeting only villains or those who did her terribly wrong.

Actress Zoe Lund plays “Thana” a mute seamstress who happens to be walking home late at night is attacked in an alley and raped. She manages to get away only to arrive home to run into a burglar who rapes her as well! (Again one of those vigilante flicks that goad the viewer into hating the bad guys so much they want to kill them personally).

MS .45 also falls under the exploitation sub-genre of “rape-revenge” as a film because the woman who is raped twice in the same night seeks revenge using the .45 pistol left behind by the burglar who raped her (she killed him and cut up the body, mind you).

Thana becomes a woman-avenger who viewers sympathize with until she cuts loose with her .45 at a Halloween Party (dressed as a Nun!) shooting every male there no matter who he was, as long as he had a dick he caught a .45 caliber bullet fired by Thana, this massacre being the peak of the film’s plot and therefore the ending.

THE EXTERMINATOR (1980)

Directed and Written by James Glickenhaus.
Avco Embassy Pictures

One of the late Actor Robert Ginty’s best known film roles, THE EXTERMINATOR is a vigilante flick with plenty of bite as well as “get those suckers!” incidents the audience cheers for as the hero mops up street punks in brutal but decisive ways. A Vietnam Vet and his buddy work for a living in seedy, crime-infested New York and end up breaking up a gang crime in progress where the buddy of the film’s hero ends up paralyzed with a meat hook to the spine compliments of the street gang that didn’t take too kindly to working-class-guy interference. Ginty’s character is a tough-as-nails-ex-soldier who decides to take the law into his own hands to avenge his buddy as well as “take out the trash” so a flamethrower and one .44 Magnum revolver later, he eliminates vile gang members, drops a Mob Boss into an industrial meat grinder, leaves one punk to die slowly via hungry rats, and a child-molester gets his just desserts a la .44 Magnum!

The late actor Christopher George plays the seasoned cop out to stop the vigilante known as “The Exterminator” but sort of sympathizes with him along the way. Ginty was convincingly realistic as the vigilante seething with his desire for vindictive justice that a sequel EXTERMINATOR 2 with him returning as the title character was released a couple years later and Mario Van Peebles portrayed the sadistic villain in that one, the victim that kicks it all off being The Exterminator’s girlfriend! A classic “vigilante” film with the “go get ’em!” feeling just like other such films before it.

Theatrical Poster of the film “MS .45”

BLAXPLOITATION

THE LAST DRAGON (1985)

Directed by Michael Schultz. Written by Louis Venosta.
Tri-Star Pictures

Back in the 1980s, I wanted to see anything with sexy pop-star “Vanity” in it ever since seeing her sing on MTV at the time. I was also heavy into Martial Arts movies in the mid-80s so this one was a necessary rental for this kid at the video store that was for sure. Few Movie-hounds I know would instantly declare THE LAST DRAGON to be an Exploitation film at first glance but with its heavy martial arts theme with then-new black actor “Taimak” cast in the lead and a villainous hustler called “Sho’Nuff” the “Shogun of Harlem” and the ultimate goal of the martial artist in this film to get “the glow” (in the form of one’s entire body glowing) which brands one as the best fighter on the planet?

Come on! Hell yes THE LAST DRAGON is an Exploitation film of a soft and enjoyable “Blaxploitation” meme! Taimak’s performance and martial ability in this film both resembles and in some ways exceeds the performance of iconic black actor Jim Kelly in the 70’s Blaxploitation epic film BLACK BELT JONES. Cute-as-a-damn-button Vanity co-stars as Tiamak’s love interest but I wish she had a larger role in this film instead of being just primarily the eye-candy, because Vanity could act, as proven in the later films ACTION JACKSON and NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE. Very well done for a martial arts flick and a remake of THE LAST DRAGON is currently being proposed with actor Samuel L. Jackson possibly to assume the role of “Sho’ Nuff”. Not a bad idea at all!

I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA (1988)

Written and Directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans
A United Artists Release

Truly a “Parody” of Blacksploitation films from the 1970s, I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA banters stereotypes like a prize fighter and is unafraid of showing insensitivity as it makes fun of greedy old white guys, gold-chain-wearing black guys, and the 70s era attitudes of both White and Black as only funnyman (and very talented Director) Keenan Ivory Wayans can deliver! Blacksploitation film favorites of the 70s such as Isaac Hayes, Antonio Fargas, Clarence Williams III and Jim Brown make appearances in this laugh-a-second parody film that I wish was a whole series! Keenan Ivory Wayans is a comical genius with an eye for parody and make-fun-of-everyone shtick rarely found in these increasingly “politically-correct” times.

WOMEN-IN-PRISON

CHAINED HEAT (1983)

Directed by Paul Nicholas.
Written by Paul Nicholas and Aaron Butler.
Jensen Farley Pictures

The “women-in-prison” Exploitation film sub-genre began in the 1970s with late-show films as CAGED HEAT however the 1983 film CHAINED HEAT is the primo example of “women-in-prison” that exceeds its 70s predecessors and ramps-up the additional exploitation themes of lesbianism, corrupt prisons, rape, and vigilante revenge that holds viewers by the short-hairs each time the film is watched! 1980s Exploitation Film chicks Linda Blair, Sybil Danning, Louisa Moritz, and Monique Gabrielle all contribute (in and out of clothes) to this film’s grinding plot and make it a “guy-flick” with their gorgeous, shapely personas. Linda Blair stars as a new inmate in a women’s prison where the mean Warden (veteran actor John Vernon) is of course corrupt along with most of the Guards whom participate in rape of some weaker female prisoners as well as dope-running and actual prostitution outside the prison walls in the form or guarded parties for big shots.

Buxom actress Sybil Danning plays the female leader of the Caucasian gang inside the prison facing off against the black female gang and she takes a liking to the new chick (Linda Blair) who just wants to do her time without trouble only to find that things are not what they seem and her cute ass is on the chopping block if she doesn’t play ball!

*Having worked inside a Jail myself in the past, I have got to say 99% of incarcerated females are the ugliest bitches on the planet no man in his right mind would wish to get chummy with, so this film’s gorgeous femmes are “unreal” when it comes to penal reality in America. In other words, only the ugly and physically-unappealing criminal women get long prison terms!* As in most other Prison-based films, the Officers are portrayed as corrupt, mean-spirited thugs who beat the hell out of poor inmates on a whim, but in reality Corrections Officers are oftentimes the best men and women to wear a badge.

The prison shower scene where Sybil Danning’s character first confronts Linda Blair’s character is one of the best sequences of this film because it sets the tone for the plot in the rest of the story but also because it has Sybil Danning and Linda Blair naked in the shower together… . what more could a guy ask for in an early 80s Exploitation film, hunh?

Actress Monique Gabrielle does a full-nude scene in a Jacuzzi with the Warden (John Vernon) that is tops for fans of her famous bod, although her character gets killed later by other female inmates for being a “snitch” (a designation that will get anyone stabbed, raped, or murdered in a real prison environment!). Though I don’t particularly enjoy seeing prison inmates portrayed as “good guys” by any stretch of the imagination, CHAINED HEAT is an excellent Exploitation film that clearly defines its sub-genre and it raised the bar as far as “guy-flicks” tend to go. “Women-in-prison” films are not very numerous, but the sub-genre will surely never vanish entirely.

The Last Good Bet
A Grinding Tale by Ken Knight ©2012

Carson City, Nevada. March 31st, 1990: The storm raging outside right now seemed soothing to Janelle Striker as she stared out the bathroom window at the sheets of driving rainfall covering the exterior of the house she owned. Her husband on the other hand, was still playing Poker with their dinner guests this evening in the living room, much to her chagrin since he was losing to the other players rather “royally”. Shane Reeves had been a B-movie actor throughout the 1980s, which was how they met back in 1987 when she got the role of “Lanie” in the straight-to-video R-rated movie “NAKED FURY” where she did a lengthy nude love-scene with Shane in that film. Not as successful as he was in acting, Janelle became more of a Pin-Up Model, her bikini-clad poster images sold in shopping mall novelty stores and her semi-fame helped her become a popular hair-stylist here in Carson City~which is her bread and butter. Shane on the other hand held onto his declining “career” in acting, though he had not achieved even a minor film role in almost a year. Some actors rise to a certain level and do okay for themselves then fade back into a “ordinary life” and some hold onto a past glory that wasn’t so glorious to begin with, thinking all they need is one more shot at stardom… one more wager on fame and fortune that could come along today, tonight, or tomorrow… but it remains elusive.

The Poker game came about after his invited guests, all of whom have fingers in the Hollywood/Acting/Marketing pies to some better extent than Shane does invited here by her husband for a delicious dinner she made for conversation about his “ideas”. As she had warned Shane earlier, these guys were not genuinely interested in his “ideas” for feature films and/or his acting abilities playing a part in them, they were here for the free food, drink, and commiserating, not to mention chat amongst themselves to come up with bargaining deals and agreements that will likely NOT be to Shane’s better service! In a word, the men here tonight were sharks who either wanted Shane to do grunt-work for them at lower pay than he’s received before, or for something else that he has… . which is the most likely reason why they talked him into playing Poker with them after the meal!

Janelle heard someone coming into the master bedroom behind her and so she turned to see her husband Shane entering in a hurry, looking around for something on their dresser, finding a set of keys as she walked back into their bedroom to see what he was up to.

“Shane… . goddammit, what are you playing for now… . what have you lost to them already?” she chimed as he walked toward him at the dresser, noticing that he held her set of car keys in his right hand now, the handsome 40-year old Scotch-Irish man with dyed-dark hair wearing a white leisure suit looking at his gorgeous blonde cupcake of a wife with a stressed gaze now. She knew it was trouble by the way he looked at her just then.

“My car, my bank stock… . don’t worry, I’m going to win it back… I have to go get some collateral for the next round of five-card… . trust me Janelle, I’ll get it all back and win a role in Murphy’s upcoming action film, you watch… . I know what I’m doing, just have to borrow your car to drive to my storage locker across town,” Shane explained hesitantly as he stepped to the bedroom door with her car keys, wishing she hadn’t seen him right now.

“You put your fuckin’ Mustang and your bank stock up in a Poker game?!” she quipped in surprise of her husband’s risky endeavor, the thoughts about their financial situation coming back into mind as she stepped behind him at their bedroom doorway.

“Yes, I know what I’m doing, just trust me Janelle… . I’ll win it all back tonight when I come back, just don’t let any of the guys leave before I return, okay babe?” he retorted then headed down the hallway before she could continue the argument. She stood in the door way with hands on her hips watching Shane walking away, returning to tell their guests in the living room that he will be back soon with his collection of gold and silver coins he kept in a secure storage facility across town that was open until 11pm, since it was only 9:35pm right now. Janelle could not believe this about her older and thought-to-be-wiser husband Shane, the two of them having agreed on finances for the most part during their two years of marriage so far, this reckless card game he’s gotten himself into being out-of-character for her husband and intensely worrisome for her judging by the fact he just lost his car and $10,000 in bank stock to their dinner guests in a goddamn game of Poker right here in her living room! She sneered profanity under her breath as she walked around the bedroom thinking, stopping to look at her reflection in the wall-mirror next to her wardrobe closet. That car of his was paid off but still worth about ten grand and the bank stock on top of that meant Shane had lost twenty grand so far at Poker tonight, the idea of which sickening her in boiling frustration at him. She was the only one working full-time while he trolled his California contacts and “friends” trying to get favors that’ll put him in into auditions all the while spending his savings nearly dry and making her spend more on supporting him, paying off his car, etc. If not for the divorce settlement she got from her elderly ex-husband back in 1988 she’d have to sell her house here so that she and Shane wouldn’t be totally broke and hopeless!

“Why did you get married again Janelle… . to another fucking Actor?” she asked of her reflection, staring at the form-fitting yellow formal dress she wore, the garment having cost her husband $2,000 when he bought it for her last month for her birthday. Janelle didn’t even want to think about her husband’s several maxed-out credit cards right now.

She thought about Shane and his inane drive to “get back into acting” since his string of mid-1980s films that would have continued if he hadn’t rubbed the right damn people in Hollywood the wrong goddamn way… . Shane had a way of pissing other men off when it was unnecessary, one fault that didn’t vex her except for the fact no one was hiring him.

She looked very good for a woman of thrity-two and not having had any children assisted in the shapely keep of her physique filling out the dress perfectly for her size, running a hand up to her blonde hair that was brushed and clipped over in front and down along her shoulders at the sides and back, her mane always having been easy to maintain not to mention her pretty face and perky 36D bust or “banana-titties” as Shane called them.

“That slippery acting career of his is going to put my ass in the poor-house if I don’t do something,” Janelle said to her reflection in the wall-mirror, scowling slightly as she stared at her make-up around her eyes and her styled hair, thinking on the dilemma.

“I did some small acting roles in three minor films… . posed in bikinis for a couple Pin-Up girlie posters, and even posed nude for a men’s magazine’s gatefold… . but that’s all behind me and I work a regular job now like most people do… not going bankrupt trying to revive an acting career that just wasn’t meant to last,” she said to the mirror in reference to her second husband Shane Reeves. He was surely gone out the door by now and racing across the City to his storage locker where he kept a questionable bag of gold
and silver coins his father left him when he passed away years ago. Janelle smiled at her pretty face in the mirror and nodded to herself as she made her decision then and there.

Franklin Murphy was a Hollywood Producer of mostly “B-Movies” but he did have a hand in a popular comedy film that came out just last summer. Sitting at the round card table still in his coat and tie with grey hair combed back like he was an older “Fonzi” Frank Murphy was happy to have won a 1988 Ford Mustang at Poker here tonight, having bet a film role for it when he faced Shane Reeves during the last hand of cards.

Harry Dunn was a 35-year old Screenwriter who co-wrote the film “NAKED FURY” in which both Shane Reeves and his wife Janelle Striker were cast together 2 years ago, and Harry was the one who strongly suggested tonight’s dinner become a high-stakes Poker game “between friends”. Harry had won $10,000 in bank stock from Shane so far tonight.

The one black man invited here tonight was Raymond Vidor, and one Janelle did not know at all until she met him a couple hours ago, but Shane seemed to know him and said that Ray was “deep in the Hollywood culture” and “knows a lot of people” whatever the hell that all means. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy and not a jerk like most black men she meets. Ray sat at the table between the well-dressed Harry and Frank, being the most casually-dressed of the players here tonight, and the least talkative which Janelle appreciated because she had already grown weary of the ceaseless verbal banter between her husband and the other two Hollywood players here in her house tonight.

The three men each averted their attention to the beautiful blonde coming down the long hallway toward them now, that formal dress she wore looking all the better with her in it.

“There she is… . hello again Miss Striker… your husband will return shortly,” Frank Murphy spoke up first as she re-entered the living room with a forced smile at the trio.

“I know, but in this storm he may be awhile… so I will ante-up for the next hand of five-card-draw myself… this dress is worth two-thousand dollars, so deal me in,” Janelle said with casual aplomb as she approached the table while lifting her full-length designer dress up and off her other otherwise naked body right in front of her three male guests who ogled her in silent surprise at first. She tossed the dress over to the sofa where it landed neatly over the armrest then she took her husband’s empty seat at the table, sitting down before the three other players completely naked except for her necklace, watch, and the black stiletto-heels on her feet. Not feeling fearful or embarrassed at all surprisingly, she sat there facing the three men across the round card table and smiled as they ogled her bare body in agreement, Janelle accustomed to taking her clothes off in movies and these were movie magnates so what the hell? She was skilled at Poker herself so she decided to try and win back some of what her husband had lost so far, particularly his car.

“Okay Janelle, you’re a sport… . you got it,” Frank Murphy chuckled as he dealt the cards for this new round, glancing at the two other men a the table with a sleazy smirk, Harry Dunn laughing in agreement with her offer, thinking of what he could challenge her on.

“That dress worth a couple grand… . I’ll throw in two-grand of bank stock,” he spoke up.

“I’m sitting this one out… . gotta go get a re-fill,” the black man named Ray Vidor said as he got up from the table, not taking cards from Frank Murphy, walking over to the small in-home bar counter to re-fill his glass of bourbon and water, eyes on the naked white lady sitting at the table now. Standing over at the bar counter, the 30-year old muscular black man in designer jeans and a black long-sleeved collared shirt watched as the hand was dealt and 5-card draw began. Janelle Striker knew the game, something Ray sort of suspected as soon as she walked into the room like she did and in her husband’s absence
stripped off her dress to join the game! Rather brazen he thought, which to him meant she might be a card-shark, and that perhaps her husband Shane was “hustling” his guests here tonight in this game… leave to go get some coins from a storage locker and have the wife come in naked with a smile to kick everyone’s ass at Poker, winning it all? Maybe… .

After the three players discarded their unwanted cards, the shill was in and with blind luck the naked lady’s hand beat both Frank and Harry, winning $2,000 of her husband’s lost bank stock and what Frank put up this round, his Bulova watch worth over $2,000.

Now Ray Vidor saw the naked blonde as possibly just that, her husband’s “save” when he was losing his ass at Poker, and the three of them let her waltz right into their poker game because she was Shane’s sexy wife and she so casually took her dress off right in front of them. Ray had seen her in the R-rated thriller “NAKED FURY” awhile back on VHS, her nude love-scene with her now-husband actor Shane Reeves was an entertainingly-erotic scene for a choreographed R-rated sex scene of its kind, so he admired that about her.

“Okay fellas, now I will put up my two-grand of stock along with my dress and I have another five-hundred in cash here in the house… ante-up guys, I feel very lucky tonight,” she announced as Frank and Harry quibbled over the fact they just lost to her, then Ray re-joined the game and decided to push Frank for something that wasn’t of monetary value but was lucrative to him anyway. “I want access to your sets over in Studio City,” Ray said to Frank as he sat closer to the naked Janelle at the table now while the next hand was dealt. “Alright Vidor goddammit, but just for one film-shoot!” the older white man named Frank Murphy said in a chuckle, agreeing to the wager put up for him.

“I’ll put up the four-grand in the bank stock I won from Harry just before you came in Janelle, and my leather jacket, worth six-hundred,” Ray said as he took his hand of cards.

“We’re all in,” she said with a kittenish smile at Frank then at Harry, confident she could continue beating them if luck remained hers, seeing the looks on their faces as the game of five-card-draw began again, her hand already possessing a pair of aces from the jump.

Ace of Spades… . Jack of Diamonds… . Queen of Hearts… . Four of Clubs… . the hands were not as good as one of them at the table, the most quiet among them actually and the surprise to Janelle as she called it with what she thought to be the winning hand for sure.

Because the four of them were playing under the rule of a stripped-deck in this game, a Flush out-ranked a Full-house… and Ray Vidor had a Flush without the other two players having even as much as four of a kind plus just as confident as a card shark could be!

Janelle lost this round, losing her $2,000 bank stock, $2,000 dress, and $500 to Ray Vidor who also won the rest of Harry’s cash and Frank’s promise to let him use one of his film sets in Studio City for an unnamed purpose. Sitting there naked and a loser right now, she didn’t say a word as Ray shuffled the cards in triumph, eyeing her perky tits.

“Okay… dare we go any further?” Ray asked the three others with a smile at Janelle.

“I’m out… I’ll mail you the permission notice for the sets I have in Studio City by next week Ray,” Frank Murphy said as he got up from the table to re-fill his iced tea glass.

“One more hand… . this time seven-card stud,” Harry said as Janelle looked at her watch.

She thought that Shane would have made it back by now, but then again it didn’t matter.

“I’m in,” she said softly with a smirk back at Ray Vidor then agreed to the term of play.

“Me too… . double or nothing?” Ray chuckled as he shuffled the deck of cards to begin the new round of Seven-card Stud between Himself, Janelle, and Harry.

“I’ll wager my entire jewelry collection that I know is worth over ten grand,” Janelle said hesitantly, making Harry Dunn the Screenwriter smile as he put up the money he won
from Frank Murphy earlier and the rest of the bank stock that was her husband’s before tonight. Ray then offered up his Kawasaki Ninja that was recently paid-off, the very motorcycle he rode over here on earlier before the storm struck. Janelle was satisfied with the fairness of the bet and Poker began once more. The three of them played it out well, and the room fell eerily silent as the late night Poker game continued with Janelle winning the next hand and a motorcycle pink slip, then losing it back to Ray in the next hand but gaining $1,000 cash and $5,000 of bank stock from Harry Dunn by 10pm.

Harry Dunn was broke and out of the game by 10:15 and after Janelle got a couple of mixed drinks in her, she sat back down at the card table still naked as when she joined the Poker match an hour ago, the only one continuing to challenge her being Ray Vidor who had dodged her direct questions about exactly what he does in the Film Industry, the other two men laughing slightly when the topic came up. Janelle was feeling good now, confident to a fault as she re-dealt the next hand gunning for Ray’s Motorcycle again since Frank refused to put the car he won from Shane earlier back in the pot.

“My husband wants a film role… you guys all know that… and I want the rest of his bank stock back, so I’m going to wager my jewelry and any or all of the furniture in this house for precisely a film role for Shane… no bullshit… I want it in writing,” Janelle spoke up as she sat back down with her re-filled mixed drink, then took a swing of it feeling woozy.

“Here you go Janelle… . I’ll put up the rest of the bank stock I won and I will personally guarantee that your husband will have a role in a film I’m currently writing,” Harry Dunn spoke up abruptly as he laid the bank papers on the table again, eyeing the naked blonde.

“My motorcycle… plus your lovely dress back if you win,” Ray Vidor said softly with a wink at her as the cards were dealt. Janelle knew this one was beyond what she would have ever wagered before, not until now imagining that she’d be gambling so much for not just herself but her husband’s future in acting… . right here… . right now… . right away!

She was betting money, property, and her integrity for a shot at good fortune because she wanted her husband to get back-on-track and it felt good now, just one last good bet… .

11:01pm: Janelle Striker took a long swig of another drink entirely, choosing straight Jack Daniels whiskey in a glass, closing her eyes as she stood at the bay window here in her living room staring out at the back yard as the rainfall continued in the flood-lights.

Frank Murphy and Harry Dunn had just left, neither of them wanting to wait for Shane to get back from across town, her assumption that his trek to the storage locker would take much longer than anticipated due to the bad weather being correct: He called from a pay phone a half-hour ago saying that he’d been involved in a fender-bender accident and that he had to wait for the Police to come take the report, which meant her car that he was driving was damaged! Staring out at the rainfall in the rear flood-lights, Janelle stood sipping on her whiskey glass in pensive thought about the Poker game she just finished up with Frank, Harry, and Ray and the idea that she might actually be better off asking her husband for a divorce since he got her ass into this mess in the first place!

Janelle lost the final round of Seven-card Stud Poker to Ray and Harry, who both evened-out with her husband’s $10,000 in bank stock, all of her jewelry totaling over $12,000 and her furniture here in the house which Harry Dunn happily promised to send a Moving Company for on Monday, plus she failed to win back the $2,000 dress she wore at the start of the evening then stripped out of to get into the game two hours ago.

Tonight’s total loss: $10,000 in bank stock, $12,000 in jewelry, a 1988 Ford Mustang worth $15,000, a formal evening dress worth $2,000 and 75% of the furniture in the house which Janelle guesstimated to a ballpark figure of $15,000 conservatively.

She heard someone walking into the living room behind her so she glanced over her left shoulder as Ray Vidor walked slowly toward her, seeing the blue cotton bathrobe she now wore over her awesome physique, sensing her sullen demeanor now that she had lost everything she put up in the Poker game, though she knew the breaks of such gambling.

“You going to be alright Janelle?” he asked her softly, stopping a few feet behind her.

“What do you think?” she chuckled back at him with a scowling expression of contempt.

“You play a mean game of Poker honey… . don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world,” Ray said with a soft tone as she turned back to look out the window at the rainfall again.

“Right, might not be so bad if I had an employed husband who didn’t live in the past thinking he can re-start a dead career in Hollywood,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Look, I’ve known Shane for a few years now and I think he’ll make a comeback in due-time, so keep faith in him and remember that movies like those he starred in over the last decade have a fan-following out there for sure and any one of them could see a ‘revival’ in popularity that would signal his return to acting,” Ray explained in a jovial way.

“Heenh-heeh, I doubt that Ray… but thanks for the vote of confidence anyway, you’re a nice guy and a gentleman, even if you now own half my bank stock, my new dress, and all my jewelry,” she said softly with a genuine smile at the athletic-looking black man.

“I don’t consider myself a gentleman Janelle… . but if you say so,” he snickered back.

“Oh come on man, most black guys I have met would have been far less conservative around a naked white woman at a Poker game than you,” she giggled in humor.

“I respect you and I’m a fan of your films… . I especially liked your role as the sexy

‘Motel Girl’ in the movie ‘Hellbent Killers’ a few years back,” Ray chuckled in spite of himself, referring to a low-budget action film she had a small 60-second role in as a scantily-clad chick standing at a Soda machine at some fleabag motel in the film.

“Oh come on Ray, my acting roles were worse than my husband’s and you know it… . I was tits-n-ass eye candy in the half-dozen films I was barely dressed in and if you blinked you’d miss me!” she laughed in sarcasm, hands on her hips as she faced him amicably.

“Mark my words Janelle, one day people will look back on the nineteen-eighties and maybe even the nineteen-nineties as the ‘good ol’ days’ of filmmaking,” he added softly.

Frank and Harry had already left so she was alone with Ray Vidor as he prepared to leave, deciding that she liked his attitude better than that of the other two men who won her belongings in the Poker game tonight, but she wanted her husband to get home so that she could break the news to him and get it over with!

“I tell you what Janelle… . I like you and I think you just had a spot of bad luck tonight because you’re obviously a good Poker player… I will make a deal with you where I can give you all of your jewelry back as well as let you keep the furniture I won as well,” Ray spoke softly as he took a few steps forward toward her, seeing interest in her eyes now.

“Another round of Poker… . forget it,” she sighed in wonder of the “deal” idea he spoke.

“Not Poker, just a deal… we shake on it… real simple, and you’ll probably enjoy it too… a small role in one of the movies my Video Production Company plans to film soon, a straight-to-video feature that involves you taking your clothes off like you did at the Poker game tonight, showing off that incredible body of yours for a camera, no big deal,” Ray explained softly with casual aplomb, hands in the front pockets of his jeans now.

“Haah, story of my life… . you’re serious… a small film role for me and if I do it I get the furniture back and my jewelry?” she asked as she considered such an unusual offer.

“Plus I’ll see that you get paid the usual rate for an actress in that role,” Ray added.

“I’ll even leave the dress here… . if you’re game?” Ray chimed with a gesture of hands.

“Yeah, well… yeah… . hell yeah… you want me to act for a film your Company’s doing, sure… gratuitous-nudity and bit-parts are what I have experience in as you know, and I would love the opportunity to keep half my furniture and get my jewelry back,” Janelle said in earnest response, eyes wide as she thought about getting her jewelry and half her furniture back lessening the sting of the Poker game loss for her and her husband!

“I’ll be in touch… call you either tomorrow or the next day and we’ll settle it Janelle, don’t worry… . it’ll be a good thing and you might even like working for the Film Company and sign on for more film work later… . good game tonight!” Ray Vidor said conclusively as he turned and headed for the front door to leave now, choosing to exit before Janelle could grill him more about the movie he had in mind for her and the company she’d be working for, etc. Janelle just waved at him as he exited, her mind on the loss and the new offer to get half of her losses back in trade for her acting talent.

“Hmmph… not bad, if he’s telling me the whole truth… maybe if I get back into movies, even low-budget thrillers like before, I can get us out of this money-jam,” she sighed to herself as she walked across the living room to the hallway, the alcohol she’d consumed making her feel sleepy now. It wasn’t 30 seconds later she heard the sound of the front door opening and the voice of her husband Shane calling her name as he entered, saying something about not being surprised that their guests had left because he was late. Janelle was inside the bedroom sitting on the bed in her robe when Shane strolled on in, eyes on her with a slight smile which was unseemly because she fully-expected him to be pissed-off about their three guests having left before he returned, appearing rather magnanimous about it and the fact he didn’t have a chance to win back his lost property.

“Hey honey,” he said to her softly as she stood up and walked over to greet him with a hug, his hands sliding down the back of her cotton bathrobe as she hugged him firmly.

“Guys couldn’t wait hunh… . not surprising, the selfish pricks,” he chuckled as he walked over to the bed and sat down while she slowly headed toward the bathroom in there.

“I got in the game for a couple of hands when you left Shane, but didn’t win your bank stock back and Frank wouldn’t ante-up your car again,” Janelle said impishly as she peeled of the robe stepping inside the bathroom, leaving the door open to listen to her husband talk as she decided to take a quick shower before joining him in bed tonight.

“Thanks anyway Janelle… I’ll make it up somehow,” he said in dismissive tone.

“Ray Vidor seems pretty cool, and I almost won his motorcycle,” she chimed girlishly as she stared at herself in the bathroom’s vanity-mirror, running hands through her hair.

“Yeah, Ray is a good guy… I meant to tell you earlier that he’s actually an Adult Film Star, and even directs some Adult Films now and then for the Company he works for,” Shane answered his wife casually, walking over to the closet across their bedroom.

A whole bunch of bells just rang in Janelle’s pretty head right at that moment as she absorbed what her flippant, gambling husband just told her about Ray Vidor.

“You mean… . Ray is a Porno Actor?!” she quipped as she stared at her reflection in the vanity-mirror, realizing she just struck a “deal” to get most of her losses back from Ray by agreeing to a role in one of his movies, having assumed that Ray Vidor directed and/or produced “mainstream” B-movies like Frank Murphy and Harry Dunn do!

“Yep, he even directs some porno flicks he performs in with hot chicks,” Shane laughed knowingly as he stood at his closet with his back to her in their bedroom’s bath now.

“I thought he was a B-movie director like Frank Murphy or a Screenwriter like Harry,” she said in stark realization of what she had allied herself with earlier this evening.

“Nope, just good friends with them and I met him awhile back at an audition,” Shane added with a casual shrug, his back still to her as he decided what to wear tomorrow.

Janelle had not told Shane that she had lost all her jewelry and half their furniture in the card game yet, and she decided not to right now, the fact that she had lost a gambling bet and inadvertently agreed to “act” in a porno flick weighing heavier than anything else.

“You know, I kinda figured you’d get in on a round of Poker while I was gone, you always were good at cards Janelle!” Shane spoke up from across the bedroom next.

Janelle shut the bathroom door abruptly and said nothing in reply as she stared at her naked body in the vanity mirror, realizing what she had just got herself in to, realizing that she had an opportunity to come out ahead and make some money as well now that her husband was losing their nest-egg at an alarming rate. Somewhere along the line of tonight’s events between dinner and the Poker game, Janelle somehow felt like she had been “set up”, but she dismissed that idea as she stepped into a hot shower.

Shane smiled as he turned around to look back at the closed bathroom door, hearing the shower going in there. He walked to their marital bed and broke into soft laughter for the moment, knowing full-well what went on at the Poker table shortly after he left for his storage locker across town because he knew his wife could not resist the urge to get in on the Poker match herself in order to try and win back some of his losses. Janelle taught Shane how to play Poker when they first got married, and she was damn good at it too.

“Ray is a good guy Janelle… made me one hell of a deal,” he whispered toward the closed bathroom door as she showered alone in there.

San Fernando Valley, California. April 19, 1990: The “dressing-room” was rather cozy because the Set for today’s X-rated filming was inside a fully-furnished house here in the Valley, rented by the Producers of this feature Adult Film due to be completed this afternoon with the finale scenes involving two performers on the cast-list for the aptly titled: “Dark Side of the Moon”. Janelle Striker sat at the dresser staring at herself in the mirror there with her hair styled much like she usually wore it but with highlights, wearing only a skimpy silk robe that barely fit her and sandals on her feet, her make-up well done and loop-earrings hung from her ears under her hair for her role as “Tess” in this porno flick. Having decided to go through with this “deal” she bargained with Ray that fateful night of March 31st, she was nervous as hell but ready nonetheless. Of course she told herself that she shouldn’t be too surprised to find that Ray Vidor intentionally got himself cast as her male co-star for the lengthy hardcore sex-scene she was scheduled to perform here today! She spoke with him and the Director briefly after her STD test then the photo-shoot for the videotape box cover a week ago but haven’t seen him since, almost losing her nerve yesterday and backing out but what kept her going along was her $12,000 in jewelry she was going to get back from Ray, and the $3,000 cash she was going to get for the one hardcore scene she was doing today. Janelle needed the money to make up for the losses at that goddamn Poker game 20 nights ago, so here she was… .

The door to her right opened slowly from the outside hallway and she looked over her shoulder to see Ray Vidor himself appear at the threshold, a soft smile crossing his face.

“Ray, there you are… and I still fucking hate you,” she said impishly with a smirk at him.

He leaned against the door frame wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt with a thick gold-chain necklace around his neck, smiling handsomely at his female co-star but feeling a bit guilty which was why he came to see her minutes before they were due on the film set.

“Janelle… I know I wasn’t totally up-front with you the night of the Poker game,” he said.

“That’s an understatement you asshole,” she said softly with a sly smile back at him as she sat there at the dresser looking across the room at the muscular black man.

“And I realize you may not be too keen on doing a hardcore sex scene, least of all with a black dude like myself, so I can arrange for you to take the one non-sexual role this film has in these last scenes being filmed today and replace you with an actress who happens to be here meeting with the Director right now… . just say the word,” Ray explained in a softer tone, hoping that Janelle doesn’t opt for the “no-sex” option he just put before her.

She smiled as she briefly considered his last-minute “save” then gave him her answer.

“A bet is a bet… . a deal is a deal Ray… . I’m here to perform a sex-scene for a goddamn X-rated feature film… . interracial or otherwise,” she said matter-of-factly with a grin as she stood up, hands on her hips as she turned to face her soon-to-be-co-star. Ray smiled in approval and nodded as he looked at how her shapely body filled out that robe, anxious to indulge that physique of hers for the cameras today. Janelle slipped her wedding ring off her left ring-finger and placed it on the surface of the dresser in front of her then turned and untied her robe in front, opening it to let the garment fall from her bare body.

She accompanied her male co-star Ray Vidor down that hallway to the set-room where they were to film their sex-scene for the cameras, feeling better now that she had made her final decision to carry out her deal with Ray and his porn company.

“Tell me one more thing Ray, and don’t sugar-coat it… . did my husband set me up for that Poker game?” she asked him as she watched him take off his t-shirt and sweatpants there at the small single bed in front of two filming cameras and crew.

“Yes… he set you up Janelle, sorry… but he hedged his bets,” Ray answered the sexy blonde as he stood before her totally naked himself now and at full-mast, Janelle staring at him intently as the two of them faced off at the foot of the bed they were to soon use.

“I knew it… but I still hate you Ray, and hate my husband even more… . I hope he fuckin’ chokes when he sees you and me on video,” Janelle said gingerly then reached her right hand to his lengthy erection, stroking gently as the Director called for silence on the set and then told the interracial performers to proceed with their sex-scene.

Carson City, NV. July 30th 1990: Shane Reeves opened the cold bottle of beer and walked over to the big-screen TV in the corner of his living room, turning it on only to have a News program come onto the screen telling something about Belarus declaring it’s sovereignty from the USSR, one more indication the old Soviet Union was dissolving. He picked up a colorful VHS video box lying on the coffee table and devoted his full attention to it as he stepped over to the VCR player atop the TV set, putting his beer down for the moment as he stared at the video box’s front cover. A well-formed bare white female ass with a black man’s right hand on it filled the front cover of the feature-length X-rated film aptly entitled: “Dark Side of the Moon” (Part 1). It starred veteran porn performers Ray Vidor, Lisa Lamborghini, and Sean Myers, plus the “exclusive premiere hardcore performance of 80’s B-Movie maven Janelle Striker” as the bottom of the front cover announced in bold print. Shane laughed again and turned the box over to the even more appealing back where a full-length shot of his naked wife Janelle Striker standing alongside a seated Ray Vidor who sat on a stool wearing an
orange astronaut’s flight-suit while holding the deliciously-nude white woman on his right with his right hand around her lean waist, fingers just above her ass as she leaned into him, both of them with eyes toward the camera taking the photo. Janelle’s face held a pleased expression as she posed with Ray in that shot, and all she wore was a gold necklace which had a gold-plated medallion in the shape of the continent of Africa on it, her perky breasts close to Ray’s right shoulder in that pose and her ass angled toward the camera rather enticingly so. The text describing the humorous “plot” of the X-rated film was below those two as well as the credits at the very bottom, seeing his wife’s name there along with Ray’s. He popped the VHS tape into the VCR and pressed play on his remote controller, stepping back to the loveseat with his beer and taking a swig as the porn film filled the TV screen suddenly, Shane fast-forwarding through the opening sequence and credits then through the first scene of Tabitha with Sean, and another one between two more female starlets doing a lesbo-scene in what appeared to be some kind of aircraft cockpit. Funny how some pornos are filmed on-location in unique places, he told himself. He didn’t have to fast-forward the tape far before finally reaching Janelle’s “premiere hardcore performance” as the box cover called it, her sex-scene with Ray Vidor beginning with the two of them naked by a bed and Janelle stroking Ray’s big dick for the camera then going into fellatio on her knees while Ray sat on the end of the bed, the camera zooming-in on her sucking his big schlong with unbridled enthusiasm.

“That’s the spirit baby!” Shane quipped at the TV screen as he watched his wife Janelle’s first hardcore sex-scene with another man on video, a video now out there on the X-rated film market for people to rent or buy to enjoy viewing in the privacy of their own homes.

By the time he got his second bottle of beer and returned to the living room, Shane saw Janelle getting hammered by Ray on the bed in a vibrant missionary-style intercourse, her bare legs and feet dangling wildly behind the man’s pumping backside, loudly voicing her delight as Ray plunged into her steadily. Shane noticed how she grimaced in carnal approval of her co-star’s sexual ardor, her hands gripping the bed at her sides as he continued fucking her like a champ. The camera zoomed-in close on the penetration as porn filmmaking tends to do and Shane laughed again, watching his hot wife getting boned like a fish by veteran black porn actor Ray Vidor. Shane sat there watching in happy reflection, happy that he had in fact set her up that night back in March when he stepped out to go to his storage locker across town, knowing she couldn’t resist making a few bets to try and get his bank stock and car back, setting her own self up against card-sharks like his pal Ray Vidor in particular! Putting Janelle “up” in the game without her knowing it was easy enough, and Ray “won” her for this porn film by manipulating her desire for winning back what she and her husband had lost during that Poker game.

“Oh hell yeah… . looks like he enjoyed Janelle big-time,” Shane laughed to himself as he watched the two of them go-at-it on the TV screen, the look on Janelle’s face one of raw carnal splendor, eyes closed and mouth wide open as Ray plowed her good. Before he knew it, the scene switched to the two in another sex-position, this time “cowgirl” with Janelle straddling Ray as he lay on his back and she took his man-meat back up inside her eagerly, moving up-and-down on his pole in steady intercourse again.

“Ooaah… . ooaaaahh-yeeeaaahh!!” Janelle crooned aloud in delight as she rode her co-star, her hands up in her wavy hair as the camera backed up to show full body view for at least another minute or two, and Shane thought his wife looked good doing that, much better than some other porn starlets he has seen in action, that was for sure! Her body melded with her male co-star in rigorous but smooth carnality, and Shane found himself actually liking what he was watching. She rode on Ray’s dick “cowgirl” for another minute then spun around for “reverse-cowgirl” and continued her bouncing intercourse for the cameras, voicing her approval of the penetration loud and boisterous, louder than Shane seemed to remember her being whenever they make love! The camera focused on her ass as Ray’s kielbasa slid up inside of her pink canal continuously, the sight of which made her husband laugh in humor in spite of it all, the background music playing in this porn flick making it humorous all the more, that goofy “shopping” music they play.

“Here’s to you baby… . I can see the tabloid headline now about Hollywood actor Shane Reeves’ wife becoming a porn star… . it’ll get me in headlines again and talked about enough to surely get me interviews, auditions for films or TV work… . nothing beats salacious press… . no press is bad press, and my lovely wife is helping get my name back out there again!” he quipped in laughter as he raised his beer bottle toward the TV set in mock toast. Janelle was now being hammered by Ray Vidor “doggie-style” on the bed, his hands gripping her tight and trim ass-cheeks with both hands as he pumped into her sweet spot while she wriggled on all-fours. It was yet another “bet” that his name would get tossed around Hollywood over his sexy wife Janelle doing porn film work, but it was one he was confident in, for he knew how “scandal” can elevate one in Hollywood and thus get Shane Reeves what he wants more than anything… a renewed acting career!

He sat there watching Janelle and Ray screwing on his TV screen as he sipped on his beer, liking the fact that she agreed to do this “for us” as she had told him once Janelle confessed to Shane her deal with Ray… a deal he had bet on from the beginning that night back in March, a deal that so far had played out according to the way he had imagined it.

Ray thrusted into her with increased doggie-style vigor, hands squeezing her ass cheeks roughly and Janelle was yelping out in reaction, her voice, face, and body-language all denoting that she was having a blast getting it from Ray in that scene. The camera zoomed-in for a few more moments of up-close view of the penetration and Shane laughed again at the sight, enjoying seeing his wife like that, even if he wasn’t the one doing the screwing! It wasn’t long before the money-shot which (as expected) was all over Janelle’s tits as the 20-minute sex-scene concluded. Shane stopped the video tape and ejected it, standing up to retrieve it from his VCR and put it back in its colorful box. He stared at the image of his naked wife Janelle alongside the jumpsuit-clad black man Ray Vidor on the back cover and chuckled again at the salacious adulterous idea of it all.

“Yeah… it was worth it… one last good bet,” he said softly, staring at the image on the back of the porn video box-cover, and then placed it on a shelf with other videotapes.

He then heard a knock on the front door and turned to walk toward it, wondering what kind of delivery it could be. Shane opened the door and found a causally-dressed man standing there with a smile as he opened the storm-door to see what he wanted.

“Mister Shane Reeves?” the smiling stranger asked calmly with a nod at the bigger man answering the door. “Yes that’s me,” Shane answered hesitantly in wonder of the intent.

“Here you go sir, you have been served,” the stranger said abruptly as he shoved a folded paper into Shane’s right hand then spun on his heels and retreated down the walkway.

Shane stood there on the front porch opening the paperwork to find out what he was just formally process-served with, his heart nearly leaping out of his chest at the realization.

“Dissolution of Marriage” was the words that shook him to the bone, this being the notice of divorce proceedings having begun, initiated by his wife Janelle.

“No fuckin’ way… . come on!” Shane quipped as he hurried back inside the house, going for the phone in the kitchen, remembering his wife leaving here only an hour ago.

Tacked alongside the phone on the wall next to the fridge was a note in her handwriting:

Shane, we are hereby separated and you have until next Friday to move out of my house. Don’t bother trying to find me you asshole, my Attorney will be in touch!

—Your soon-to-be-ex-wife, Janelle.

Shane was dumbfounded by the revelation, his mind racing to recall clues she might have given him recently that might have hinted at her decision to demand a divorce, drawing a blank. He ripped up the note and thought about the future without Janelle, something he hadn’t counted on, the idea that he will never again sleep beside her nor make love to her ever again, that part of his life slipping away this very moment as he looked at the initial divorce papers in his hands, legally separating him from his wife of the past two years.

He walked back into the living room and over to the big-screen TV set he and Janelle had bought together a year ago, looking up at the shelf where he had placed the colorful video-box of the X-rated film “Dark Side of the Moon”, and laughing in spite of himself.

Shane had bet his wife and lost her in the long-run, but instead of throwing a fit of jealous rage about it he just stood there staring at that video tape’s box cover.

San Fernando Valley / Los Angeles (later that same evening): The house party had been rather lively since 6pm when the delicious shrimp and chicken dinner was served and the alcohol was flowing freely here at Carmine Edelstein’s L.A. home in the Valley.

Ray Vidor sat at the in-home bar counter with his tall glass of imported beer, clad in designer jeans and a floppy red dress shirt with gold chain around his neck, his hair trimmed in a flat-top style, his mind on the near-future as he sat there thinking about his ex-wife and why he lost custody of his son because of the line of work he is in.

“Hey there Ray, you look like you’re thinking too hard,” spoke the familiar female voice of Janelle Striker as she stepped up to the bar stool next to him, touching a hand to his shoulder in greeting, smiling impishly as he made eye-contact with her and nodded.

Ray glanced at the light blue mini-dress she was wearing tonight, her perky and shapely form filling it out all too well, a body he had enjoyed “performing” on not long ago.

“What are you drinking Janelle?” he asked as he looked at the empty glass she placed on the bar for the paid-bartender to refill it. “Scotch on the rocks,” she said with a giggle as she sat down next to the muscular black man she did a porn-film with 3 months ago.

“I have some news for ya Ray,” she chimed softly as she turned to look him in the eyes.

“Do tell,” he said softly with a grin back at her stunningly-gorgeous Caucasian face.

“I just signed a contract with the Company to star in the two sequels to ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ with Carmine directing and producing both Part Two and Three,” Janelle spoke gingerly as they stared into one another’s eyes then sipped their re-filled glasses of booze.

“That’s awesome Janelle, way-to-go… . I knew you’d consider the sequels!” Ray replied happily, and then the two of them hugged amicably for a moment in congratulations.

“Looks like you and I will be working together again Ray, since you’re the male star in the sequels along with that guy named Sean,” Janelle said matter-of-factly with a wink.

“Yes indeed Janelle, you n’ me together again baby, we’ll be the ‘Captain and Tennille’ of Adult Films,” Ray chimed boyishly in humor, making her laugh as she touched a hand to his face, smirking in humor at his remark then responded with a quick kiss to his face.

“Do that to me one more time…,” Janelle said in mock-singing tone referring to the famous song sung by that 70’s musical duo ‘Captain and Tennille’, Ray laughing at the sexual reference Janelle was implying, aroused by her presence and sweet perfume the longer they sat there at Carmine’s bar counter together.

“I also had divorce papers served on Shane earlier today, hope he drops dead,” she added with her glass raised in the air for a moment then she wolfed down a mouthful of booze.

“Wow, how does it feel?” Ray responded with a slight smirk at her, making her grin.

“Terrific, my husband bet me and lost… so he can go get bent as far as I’m concerned, because I have a whole new life ahead of me with new friends,” Janelle said touching her glass to Ray’s in toasting gesture. “I second that!” Ray snapped with a leering smile back at the gorgeous white woman facing him, so happy she agreed to co-star with him again.

“Funny part about it is that he wagered the Tabloid Press was going to jump all over the story about a B-movie actress like me turning to X-rated film work and thus get his name talked about in Hollywood circles and get him acting offers… . but it doesn’t look like that is happening ’cuz only one supermarket-tabloid ran a small article about me and Shane is still unemployed,” Janelle said matter-of-factly with a cruel laugh afterwards.

“Have you forgiven me for letting you be set up in the Poker game back in March?”

Ray asked her casually with puppy-dog expression while she glanced at him sideways.

“I signed on to do the ‘Dark Side’ sequels didn’t I?” she chimed with a sly smirk at him.

“Yes, and I am looking forward to working with you in those films this Fall,” Ray added.

“I bet you are,” she said in her soft, seducing tone of voice then touched glasses with him again and had her glass re-filled with Scotch and ice once more as they continued talking.

“Ya know Janelle, despite this being the Porn Industry; it isn’t too common for a highly-attractive, well-built white actress like yourself to do a sex-scene with a black actor like me, so you might be setting-the-tone for the trend to change in the future,” Ray said with his glass in the air between them again, eyeing her reaction to his remark just now.

“Well then… . here’s to our films improving Race-relations!” she quipped as she raised her glass to touch his glass in toast and then they both downed their remaining booze.

“I’ll take that bet,” Ray said softly and then leaned into Janelle for a kiss to the lips.

The two Porn Stars hopped of their bar stools and walked across the living room to the dark hallway along the first floor of Edelstein’s house here, slipping out of sight from the majority of the other people at the party tonight, except for their Director/Producer himself, Carmine Edelstein. He saw the two duck down the hallway leading to the stairwell which goes up to the bedrooms, so he stepped to the end of the hall near the living room almost calling out to them to not go upstairs, but as soon as he saw Janelle’s mini-dress pulled up and off as she walked alongside Ray, he didn’t say a word to them.

The 60-year old Porn Director/Producer observed as the shapely bare body of Janelle Striker walked along with the still dressed Ray Vidor to the stairs, he shook his head and smiled in spite of himself, knowing they were going up to one of the bedrooms to fuck.

“Ahh… young people… making the most out of life… . while it lasts,” Carmine said to himself as he watched Janelle and Ray go up the stairs at the other end of the hallway,

Ray’s left hand on her ripe apple of a bare ass just like on the front cover of the best-selling X-rated feature film Carmine Edelstein was now making a lot of money on.

(The End)

BEYOND THE
BLACK DOOR

X-rated Films’ “Silver Age”
1984-1994

What got me into watching X-rated films in the first place? My time in the US Army, where my roommate at Fort Bragg NC had porn videos on his TV set just about every damn time he was in the barracks and so I found out about adult cinema and the Porn Stars of the time while I was serving as a Paratrooper back in the late 80’s.

“Legal” Hardcore (and straight!) Adult Filmmaking had it’s roots firmly buried during the dawn of the 1970’s with such classics as DeepThroat, The Devil In Miss Jones, and of course Marilyn Chambers’ famous Behind The Green Door. During the 1970’s when the X-rating became legal and such films depicting actual human sex-acts no longer got everyone involved arrested, X-rated adult films were consigned to certain theaters that would show these films to patrons over the age of 18. These few-and-far-between movie theaters and rare drive-ins are among the “Grindhouse” theaters of note, showcasing hardcore sex on the silver screen when 95% of American theaters at the time would not! During the early-to-late 1970’s before the advent of the VCR in the public forum, you could only see X-rated films in these theaters unless you had the good fortune to buy an 8mm film copy of such “pornos”. Now it takes talented persons to become mainstream actors and actresses but I daresay it takes a unique and special person to agree to take their clothes off and perform (legal) human sex acts for cameras that will permanently record the sex for countless strangers to view for years and years to come!

Of course not everyone can do such a thing, which is why for the most part there has always been a limited supply of X-rated performers over the years as any fan of the genre has surely noticed! X-rated filmmaking has always catered chiefly to a straight audience, therefore the Industry has always been “female dominant” in the sense the female Starlets have usually been the most abundant on the cast lists, the best-paid, and more often than not “calling the shots” which meant the male performers were second in priority and expected to “get it up” on-cue! With Directors of X-rated films in the 70’s and 80’s filming big dicks with bigger tits doing it every which way for the limited (but well-paying) porn film fans, it was bound to become a much larger filmmaking phenomenon.

The early 1980’s brought not only Cable TV but also the first “VHS and Beta” Video Cassette Recorders (VCR) into American homes everywhere once the technology became affordable. With this new technology and surging Video-Movie rental market, the growing X-Rated Film Industry in the United States got one hell of a shot in the arm once such adult-oriented films could be marketed and sold en masse to the fans out there in VCR-land! Hardcore Adult films suddenly found themselves beyond the “Grindhouse” theaters of major cities and late night Drive-Ins and into the privacy of video-buyers’ homes during the 1980’s, receiving applause from the fans and court-disputes from their detractors and Evangelical censors. Big City “Adult Bookstores” aside, I personally remember some video-rental stores with their “black doors” (yes they all seemed to be painted black!) which lead to a small back-room where X-rated titles could be browsed upon and rented if you were over age 18. Where I grew up, this was how the video rental stores handled the X-rated titles they rented to adult patrons, and it was funny to see customers try to “discreetly” pass through those black doors to browse the X-rated videos for rent. Some would show their ID to the clerk then hurry through the door after glancing around the store real fast as if to make sure no one they knew saw them going through the black door to the “unmentionable” videos on the other side. When I was old enough to go through those black doors myself it was 1987 and I too looked around to make sure no one who knew me saw me going to check out the X-rated video titles! That came with the territory and I did discreetly rent and view some X-rated titles at the time on VHS and Beta, some of the best of the kind having been produced in the mid-to-late 1980s, the time when X-rated films were mass-produced for a larger market, becoming more than just a joke one talked about sneaking into a late night theater to see… . which is why I am calling the time period from 1984-1994 the “Silver Age” of X-rated films where they crossed from the “Golden Age” of the 1970’s/very-early 80’s in the old late night Theaters… to mass-market Video! By the year 1984, the Straight American Adult Film Industry had long since graduated from porno “loops” and 15-minute “wall-bangers” produced during the 1970’s and began crafting feature films with feature performers in full-length (60 minute minimum) films that went straight to video. It was during this time period that X-rated Actors and Actresses became “famous” among their limited audience. Seka, John Holmes, Vanessa Del Rio, Amber Lynn, Ginger Lynn, Nina Hartley, Barbara Dare, Ebony Ayes, and Christy Canyon to name but a few… . it was the 1980’s that brought out the “infamy” of adult videos with X-rated performers’ names on the theater marquee as well as emblazoned upon the video box-covers. Fans of the X-rated genre got to rent or buy videos of their favorite stars and starlets, some of them “famous” for their lengthy appendages like John Holmes or their naturally-well-endowed breasts like Christy Canyon and Kay Parker or their ability to perform certain sex acts such as Seka and her uncanny blowjob technique! Some X-rated actresses became famous for the fact they were cast in movie-after-movie such as Ginger Lynn and Amber Lynn (no relation) and for their stunning looks (while totally-nude) as in Christy Canyon and Cheri Taylor. What really made the 1980’s special in regards to the X-rated film market was the advent of the VCR so that X-rated films could be viewed in the privacy of one’s own home right along with R-rated and other more “mainstream” films accessible at one’s fingertips. The “Silver Age” of American X-rated films is what it is today because of the videotape and the subsequent growth of this type of filmmaking from short and simple “loops” and brief sex-scenes filmed on the fly (70’s features like DEEP THROAT being exceptions) to full-length feature films with in-demand “Porn Stars” showcased on lurid Video box-covers for fans to grab… . beyond those black doors in the video rental stores of the time! American Adult Films’ “Silver Age” between 1984 and 1994 was also the final years when such adult entertainment was kept pretty much “out of reach” from persons under age 18, whereas now with the Internet, porn can all too easily be accessed by minors who should not be viewing it (*more on that in my 2009 book THE NAKED DIARIES).Though a few big-city “Grindhouse” type theaters did how X-rated feature films through the 1980’s into the very early 90’s, the coming of the videotape signaled the end of the “porno theater” by the end of the 80’s with some very scattered exceptions that held out for their audiences, escaping the wrath of Evangelical anti-porn activists but not their Bank accounts! The infamous “adult book stores” as they were called carried the videotapes of X-rated variety as well as sex-toys and other oddities of the kinky, though most of these were in larger cities. I remember many video rental stores in locales near me that didn’t have specific laws against X-rated films having the “black doors” leading to a small room where X-rated films were shelves for rent, although some communities did have (and still have!) local ordinances against “porn” and disallowed the selling or displaying of such, whether it was behind a black door or otherwise. Hey, some people just enjoy watching others fuck.

Telling a story is what a film is supposed to do, and X-rated Adult Cinema entertains with real sexual activity going on between two performers for the viewing audience to watch, therefore X-rated cinema passes the test determining “social content” in films because it displays very real human experiences . . . . even if some of the scenarios such as a threesome inside a public diner, sex on top of a bar while patrons watch, and a Cable-repairman long-dickin’ some hot blonde out on her sunny front lawn may not be feasible to most people (without going to jail afterwards) it’s the fantasy that counts! Movies tell of fantasy and X-rated cinema is nothing less than fantasy… . of the carnal kind.

X-rated (straight-to-video) features making headway into the late 1980’s were some of the most “storyline-oriented” of all Adult Films since 1970, with comical, crass, and even history-themed porn scripts making the cut and being marketed to the American public.

During this time period (leading up to the advent of the Internet) these type of films took on what would be the first (and final) point where they would be well-scripted and professionally-performed as opposed to the “amateur porn” boom that was born along with the Internet and the ensuing “I can be a porn star too” mentality of the late 1990’s.

Of course one thing has never changed in the X-rated film Industry: fake names!

First off, I’ll tell you my favorite Porn Starlet of what I call the “Silver Age” of X-rated films in America, her name being Christy Canyon. Having begun her adult cinema career in 1984 at age 18, Christy Canyon became an almost “overnight” success in the type of films that were being shown in just certain theaters and slowly marketed onto videotape at the time, her mid-80’s porn “hits” being Holly Does Hollywood, Sore Throat, and

Doctor Desire. Christy Canyon’s peachy good-looks, flowing brown hair, naturally-shaped body (to include big tits that were all-hers!) made her absolutely a marvel to watch on video, her sex-scenes incredibly ravenous to say the least. Her scenes in

Holly Does Hollywood are to this day the best I have ever seen. A staple of the 1980s and returning for a few years in the 90’s, Christy Canyon is one of the most popular of her porn era, and barely a man who watched X-rated films 15-20 years ago would have failed to see her fucking on video some point and time! Christy is also one of the few X-rated actresses from the “Silver Age” who maintains an active Fan Club for her legion of fans to this very day, and she even wrote a book about her porn career… .

I remember seeing one directed by Porn Legend Ron Jeremy back in 1987 aptly entitled: Flesh for Frankenstein starring Ebony Ayes, Ray Victory, and Dana Lynn. A very silly parody of the Frankenstein story of course, but it had “well-lubed” sex between black performers Ebony Ayes and Ray Victory on top of a Bar that could have done without so much lubricant… . then again Ebony Ayes’ apple of an ass looked better for it! One of the best-shaped black women in a 95% White Porn Industry of the time period, Ebony Ayes performed in hundreds of X-rated films such as the Flesh For Frankenstein and the exploitative-themed Black Chicks in Heat usually making the cover of the videotape considering that well-filled-out physique of hers and like Ray Victory (who was paired with her for sex-roles in numerous X-films) she was often cast with Caucasian co-stars.

It was the late 1980’s when such “parody” hardcore porn films became abundant and fans of this genre also got to see their favorite nude performers in social-play-on-terms titles as Saturday Night Special starring Randy West and Cheri Taylor, a porn flick made during a time when cheap handguns nicknamed “Saturday night specials” were the rage among criminals and liberal politicians were trying to ban them. The cover of this 1988 X-rated film had the stunning blonde starlet Cheri Taylor on the front cover in black lace
lingerie holding up a small cheap revolver in one hand with a kittenish smirk on that gorgeous face of hers. That particular film gets kudos for its lengthy scene between Cheri Taylor and Randy West (it seemed that the scene would never fucking end! haha)

In Loving Color, Stairway to Heaven, Buns and Roses, and Camera Shy starred one of my favorite late-80’s female porn stars (because I knew her personally) using the porn film names Tabitha Stevens/Lisa Lamborghini during her very brief “career” in adult cinema. She was the epitome of the frizzy-haired “80’s” Blonde with a killer body and a ravenous display of carnal showmanship on video. The original Tabitha Stevens (not the one using the same name from 1995-on) also posed nude in Hustler Magazine’s “Busty Beauties” periodical in the 1990’s among other men’s magazines of the time, cast with male porn stars of her choosing at that time such as Randy West, Buck Adams, and Tom Byron. Ray Victory was in many of her films… . but he never got to fuck Tabitha!

Porn Mogul John Leslie’s Mad Love (1988) was a Feature X-rated film that is now considered a “Classic” for the surrealistic way it was filmed, not to mention its main female starlet “Aja” in her opening scene having sex with two men at once while her “husband” character watches as he eats at a dinner table. The lean-n-shapely Aja performs her “threesome” scene mostly while on her feet and bent over next to the dining table, her lean and nimble physique so damn good to watch while in-sex-action!

Porn Actor/Director John Leslie’s film Mad Love is one of the 80’s Porn films that gets talked about by Porn Film Historians and Critics online to this day because of that scene with the sultry starlet Aja and how uniquely surreal it is to watch. The slinky-faced Aja proved that a lean, limber physique (and a great ass!) could perform like a champ for the cameras, unique in her ability to pump more raw carnality into each of her sex-scenes, often cast with black actor Ray Victory who was popular among other white porn starlets such as Brandi Wine, Rachel Ryan, and Cheri Taylor in a time when most white actresses flat-out refused to be cast in a sex-role with a black male performer. X-rated films are nowadays so brazenly mixed-racial in their casting, it really doesn’t matter anymore.

One particular 1990 X-rated film parody entitled Kiss My Grits made fun of the 70’s “Diner” TV shows but instead of a sitcom, the viewer of this film was given a black cook named “Melvin” (Ray Victory) fucking the socks off of the two smoking-hot blonde waitresses (Cheri Taylor and Tami Monroe) inside the “diner” for a lengthy threesome-scene. And that’s the “vicarious entertainment” factor of X-rated films such as Kiss My Grits, not only did it parody an old TV show, but it showed a sexual situation most of us would never find ourselves in within the confines and consequences of reality! A well-shot film with its “restaurant” setting and shapely “waitresses”, Kiss My Grits is one such example of how X-rated films were “situational” scripted and directed 20 years ago. Thing about watching adult cinema over years, the titles aren’t the main thing one always remembers (even for film-history-buffs like myself). One I saw with Britt Morgan had her visiting a lover while he was in “jail” and so she got naked and bent over for co-star Sean Michaels to drill her in-between the bars. Well that’s one advantage of having a lengthy pecker, and of course being well-hung is a bonus in the porn world.

One lean-n-shapely blonde starlet named Sabrina Dawn was active during the late 80’s (and very early 90’s) and the one type of scene she never did was interracial, though at the ending of Director Paul Thomas’ 1990 parody film Beauty and the Beast Part II (in which the lovely Sabrina Dawn was cast as a major character) she and Ray Victory sneak up a stairwell (in-character) and kiss… then hurry off together while none of the
other characters are watching and the credits roll, implying their characters were sneaking off for sex. That was as close as Sabrina Dawn ever came to an interracial sex scene in an X-rated feature film. That sort of humorous and arousing “left to the imagination” ending in Beauty and the Beast Part II is one more piece of X-rated film history indicative of the 1984-1994 time period I am writing about here, because such endings are facets of the scripted “theme” type of films rarely found on Adult Video shelves and websites today.

There was no “Part III” to the Beauty and the Beast parody films but I wonder if veteran Porn Director Paul Thomas could have talked the sexy Sabrina into resuming exactly where she left off with black porn actor Ray Victory at the end of Part II… ??

During a time when it was an 80’s fad, Sabrina Dawn’s bare body had the best tan-lines in several of the films I saw that starred her, that peach of an ass “pale” while the rest of her physique lightly tanned and her hair was 80’s-style frizzy-blonde even in her films shot in the early 1990’s. Sabrina Dawn remains one of the staples of late 80’s/early 90’s X-rated films but like most Starlets of that genre, she slipped into obscurity right after she stopped starring in adult films. Starlet Cheri Taylor was one “older” female actress in X-rated films during the late 80’s and early 90’s, having started in porn at the latter age of 36 going till about age 41 and she is by my accounts and other fans of the time period, definitely one of the better-looking female actresses in X-rated films even to this day.

Cheri Taylor was a “classy” looking woman with a rather conservative-yet-sexy appearance but also had a chiseled, fit physique that didn’t droop in the slightest when her clothes came off. The woman proved that she was one who looked better totally-nude than with any clothing on! She also had acting talent and did well in scripted non-sexual scenes, being one actress who could perform in more ways than just in the obvious. Whether Cheri Taylor was getting her just-desserts in the film Second Skin, enjoying sorority-sex in Girls of Fur Pi, sharing a well-stacked “sex-sandwich” in Kiss My Grits, or experiencing “affirmative-action” in Oh What A Night!, she was one Porn Actress of the “Silver Age” who was physically unique as far as Porn Film Starlets of the past go.

20+year veteran porn actor Sean Michaels was quoted saying that Oh What A Night! was his favorite overall (and he only did the one sex-scene with Cheri Taylor in that flick so that says a lot about her!) Paired with Cheri Taylor for the threesome-scene in Kiss My Grits was the sweetly diminutive Tami Monroe, another Starlet of the late 80’s/early 90’s Porn years who was prolific in the number of films during the time period, doing threesome and lesbo sex-scenes quite often during her tenure, and of course being a well-built little cupcake who stood 4’11” in her socks! The Taming of Tami and a couple of “Swedish Erotica Featurettes” as well as Sex Bandits are but a few of her best X-rated.

In 1991, a theater in Florida made the headlines after the arrest of one of its patrons, Paul Reubens (aka “Pee-Wee Herman”) for lewd conduct while sitting in the theater watching the X-rated feature film Nurse Nancy starring the stunningly gorgeous blonde cupcake

“Sandra Scream”. Getting caught jerking-off in a movie theater by undercover cops isn’t the worst thing one could be charged with at that time, but it put Paul Reubens back in the media spotlight for a little while that year and made Nurse Nancy a best-seller on the X-rated video market as well. Actress Sandra Scream’s porn film career was limited to scenes with other female starlets for girl-girl roles, and the ONLY male co-star she’d do sex-scenes with was her then-husband “Woody Long”. She restricted herself in X-rated films in this way so there weren’t many with her cast in them, and one story I read at the time told of Sandra Scream being cast for some films where the Directors didn’t know
she only did guy/girl sex scenes with her hubby, so she would show up thinking she was to do a lesbo-only scene on the set only to find then-porn actors such as Ron Jeremy, Peter North, and Ray Victory standing-tall ready to fuck her for the cameras! (Directors would then have to quickly re-cast their film shoots on-the-spot).Woody Long had his own career in adult cinema far longer than his hot wife Sandra (who left adult films after divorcing him in the mid-1990’s). I know I would have loved to have seen more of the shapely Sandra Scream in X-rated videos back then because that chick was absolutely beautiful, almost “too much so” for porn films, and like Christy Canyon before her she looked better totally-nude than with clothes on (by her own admission, “Sandra Scream” got her porn name for her vocal expressions during sex while being filmed).

Corresponding with the 80’s decade’s attitude of “excess” the American Porn Film Industry gave its fans films depicting huge-breasted, big-hair female starlets, one being a sultry blonde maven named “Chessie Moore”. I remember seeing Chessie Moore for the first time in a film entitled Black Gold cast with 80’s porn stars Ray Victory and Viper. Chessie was one of those women who’d probably have a difficult time bra-shopping because those monster titties of hers wouldn’t fit into most braziers they sell at Kmart! Black Gold was one of the feature films that Chessie Moore starred in but she did far more “amateur” films through the early 1990’s not available on DVD today.

Also known for her willingness to “swing” with fans of hers, Chessie apparently had an open-marriage and encouraged fans of hers to come down to Louisiana where she lived and do an amateur porn film with her back in the early 1990’s. I’m sure she had plenty of “comers” (haha) taking her up on it back then… . her moniker “The Dutchess of Down and Dirty” ringing true in the jizz-bizz she made a living working in! But alas, Chessie Moore is yet another uniquely-built starlet of American X-rated films’ “Silver Age” and though she may still be seen in old photo-stills posted on the Internet today, she remains like the others mentioned here, a fond memory of Adult Cinema’s “pre-internet” era.

What I’ve also gathered from some of the brief interviews I’ve done with former X-rated starlets such as Christy Canyon and the original Tabitha Stevens, is that more-often-than-not “scripts” were written on-the-fly by many Directors, the cast was often assembled at the last minute on filming-day, and that the females made far more money than the males (except for gay porn of course). A lot of times, the female starlets got a say in what male actors they would be cast with, and fans of porn films back then surely noticed the female performers paired with the same guy in many of their sex-scenes such as Tabitha Stevens with Buck Adams, Sabrina Dawn with Randy West, Aja with Ray Victory, etc. etc.

Imagine having a friend of the opposite-sex who you go to work with, have sex with them for the cameras, then go to lunch afterwards as if it were “just a job”??

In most X-rated films, the focus is upon the female actress cast in the feature because it is she who draws the fans and her male co-star is just simply the “tool” being used on her, and since many men are self-conscious about the male physique, most of them like to see “girl/girl” scenes of lesbo carnality between two of their favorite starlets. I am not the biggest fan of lesbo scenes in X-rated films, but I will admit the absolute best lesbo scene I’ve ever seen was a foursome romp between starlets Tami Monroe, Porshe Lynn, Mandi Wine, and Tori Welles with blonde cupcake Tami being the “kewpie doll” of the group, devoured by the beautiful, voracious Tori Welles and friends in the popular X-rated feature THE SINS OF TAMI MONROE.

X-rated films “made their bones” (ha-ha) with the video-buying public by the late 1980’s when VHS video sales sky-rocketed and became more abundantly-available through mail-order catalogs and video stores with the back rooms guarded by black doors. By the early 1990’s, with some few big city exceptions, theaters no longer featured late night X-rated films, though the Paul “Pee-Wee” Reubens arrest in such a theater in 1991 was a shining example of how there were still some such theaters left at that time! With the advent of the Internet in the mid-90’s, the X-rated theater was an dinosaur with perhaps just a scant few exceptions out there run by individuals keeping a “grindhouse” or two alive with showings of X-films from the past and present. What can be said about X-rated films besides what some remark as “pornos” and how “If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen’em all!”? Well maybe those remarks are right in a way and with the current X-rated trends of making wall-bangers with no storyline, using amateur performers (“hey, I can be a porn star too” clowns) and direct-to-internet video feeds, adult films have become a bit too over-rated and outmatched only by those who think they can top-it-all with weird acts on film, gang-bangs to the tune of 200 guys drilling one “starlet” one-after-the-other… . maybe “classic” X-rated films of yesteryear will one day be looked back upon as “conservative and classy” by comparison!

How do porn actors “audition” for their sex-roles? Actually it’s pretty simple… the males have to be muscular, handsome, and look-good-naked as well as get an erection on-cue, or they can be ugly, out-of-shape, and just possess a big dick which they have to prove they can get-it-up on command. In other words, nerds with pencil-dicks need not apply!

Females have to be attractive, nicely-built, and just plain willing to perform as ordered because they are generally the “draw” which brings in the X-rated film-buying public.

Female talent in the American Porn Industry are the best-paid, best-treated, and best promoted in all of the X-rated realm of things, because despite what the fags might say, it’s STRAIGHT PORN that makes billions each year! Have to admit, I’m not much of a fan of the modern X-rated flicks, with some exceptions such as Hustler’s “Whose Nailin’ Paylin?” film starring the sexy porn veteran Lisa Ann in a parody that “pokes” at a certain female politician from Alaska. That film opens up with a lengthy threesome-scene between Lisa Ann and two male actors in a living room, and the incredibly-well-built Lisa Ann is just fucking phenomenal. As far as X-rated films go (after the year 1999) I can really only recommend features produced and marketed by Hustler® and Vivid Entertainment® if you are one who appreciates better quality and professionally-cast adult cinema. If there is to be such a saying as “porn for the memories” then X-rated Films’ Silver-Age of 1984-1994 is the tip of the spear… . so to speak!

X-rated Film KISS MY GRITS starring Tami Monroe, Cheri Taylor, and Ray Victory.

(Best known for its TV Diner-spoof “threesome” scene between Tami, Cheri, and Ray).

X-rated flick “Black Gold” with Chessie Moore and Ray Victory on the cover

X-rated film “Beauty and the Beast Part II”. Written and Directed by Paul Thomas.

Victoria Paris (left) and Sabrina Dawn proved that you can judge a video by its cover!

80’s / 90’s Porn Starlet “Aja” on the cover of popular X-rated film MAD LOVE

X-rated Superstar Christy Canyon (signed cover of “Play Christy for Me”)

90’s Porn Starlet Sandra Scream on the cover of the X-rated film “MANEATERS”

SHOWCASE
90’S

EROTIC THRILLERS

NIGHT EYES (1990)

Directed by Jag Mundhra.
Written by Tom Citrano and Andrew Stevens
Armitraj Company / Baldwin Entertainment Group

One of the first in a near decade-long splash of “Erotic-Thriller” films released after 1990 with a “noir” climate about them. NIGHT EYES is also one of the pivotal of such films that set the benchmark of what other such R-rated films of the type would later emulate.

Starring Andrew Stevens of “Massacre at Central High” and “The Seduction” fame along with former “Charlie’s Angels” dame Tanya Roberts, NIGHT EYES is the sordid tale of a Security Expert who runs his own company offering private security to clients and in this case ending up becoming enamored with a very sexy female target whose husband wants to catch cheating so the security company is hired to conduct surveillance on her!

Andrew Stevens’ character falls for the shapely female and begins having a torrid affair with her all by himself, thus creating a “compromising” scenario as you can imagine.

NIGHT EYES features very revealing and well-choreographed sex scenes between Stevens and Roberts, far beyond the average faux-sex threshold of earlier such films during the 1980s. So did NIGHT EYES raise the bar for Hollywood sex scenes? Sure!

The straight-to-video sequel NIGHT EYES II was released in 1992 and was also co-written by its main male star Andrew Stevens but instead of Tanya Roberts playing the hot femme fatale, it was Shannon Tweed of Playboy® fame and sexy actress of 80s films such as HOT DOG: THE MOVIE. This film would be yet one shining example of Miss Tweed’s strong presence in Erotic-Thriller films during the course of the 1990s, so much so that she is now considered the best actress overall of this 90s film sub-genre.

NIGHT EYES II was directed by Rodney McDonald, starring Andrew Stevens, Shannon Tweed and prolific Black actor Tim Russ (Death Wish IV and “Star Trek” TV shows).

NIGHT EYES II opens with the Security Expert played by Andrew Stevens driving on his way back home from duty while his recently-discharged buddy from the Air Force has let himself into his pad and is getting a piece of ass from a dark-haired white woman shown riding “cowgirl” on him in the bedroom (“interracial” sex scenes were rare in 1990’s Erotic-Thriller films). The Main character gets home and thinks someone broke in, pulls his gun and finds his buddy having just finished off the hot chick from the Airport and she casually leaves. Such opening sequences are common for the Erotic-Thrillers of the time, getting right into carnal communication to hook the viewer for the rest of the film, oftentimes the first or second such sex scenes being the best ones.

SINS OF DESIRE (1993)

Directed by Jim Wynorski.
Written by Peter Liapis and Mark T. McGee
March Productions Inc.

One more classic display of actress Tanya Roberts’ famous physique as well as one of the lengthiest and best-choreographed sex scenes done in an R-rated film of the early 1990’s, SINS OF DESIRE is a banner example of Erotic-Thriller filmmaking with its titillating cast of chicks such as Tanya Roberts, Delia Sheppard, and Monique Parent and eerily “noir” climate throughout. Director Jim Wynorski knew how to film a brooding “night” surrounding the characters which gave the viewers an angle of dark mystery enveloping the sexuality on display. Hell, nothing beats watching the characters get laid while at the same time wondering if they’re going to be stabbed in the back or violently interrupted in some way. The film premise of about a sinister Doctor Callister and his wife Monica who operate a clinic for people with sexual problems only with the agenda of ripping their clients off and murder is not a major problem when it comes to covering up their scheme!

A Nurse named Kay (Tanya Roberts) is investigating the death of her sister at the hands of these people and she runs into an Insurance Investigator named Barry (actor Nick Cassavetes) who is checking into similar things regarding the villains and what comes about is one of the lengthiest R-rated sex scenes in Erotic-Thriller film history between Barry and Kay in a bed to the tune of typical erotic-thriller music and what I call the “perpetual nine o’clock” of these films which take place about 2/3 of the time at night or in darkened sets that portray nightfall. Cassavetes and Roberts go-at-it very convincingly in that scene together and make the film one remembered for that reason alone.

SORCERESS (1995)

Directed by Jim Wynorski. Written by Mark T. McGee
Win-Tone Productions.

Starring Horror-Icons Linda Blair and William “Blacula” Marshall along with raven-haired Model/Actress Julie Strain and a host of other hotties unheard of before, this film blends horror film iconography with erotic sex play for a smorgasbord of carnal delights any viewer will find appealing in some way. Two Witches married to Lawyers in the same Law Firm battle it out using dark forces upon the men in their lives, resulting in a paralyzing accident for one and the “death” of a Witch who haunts her hubby as he tries in vain to get on with his life after her “demise”. Linda Blair doesn’t get naked in this one, but she still looks damn good and shows that she hadn’t lost her horror-acting talent with her over-the-top portrayal of a devil-worshipping Witch out for revenge against her opponents all for the sake of her husband getting to fuck her again and cleaning up the human mess she had made by throwing curses in the first place! Outstanding sex-scenes throughout this film as well as a fantasy storyline that actually entertains, Director Jim Wynorski did it again with SORCERESS, adding one more titillating addition to the early 90s Erotic-Thriller film genre and giving the audience plenty to stare at for two hours.

ILLICIT DREAMS (1994)

Directed by Andrew Stevens. Written by Karen Kelly.
Republic Entertainment

Clearly one of the best of the genre, ILLICIT DREAMS opens with an arrogant Boss man (Joe Cortese) nailing his secretary in the office while his smoking-hot wife (played by Shannon Tweed) is alone at home a “kept” woman who has dreams about a strange lover she doesn’t know but senses is close. Bouncing off the premise that the husband (Cortese) can treat his wife with sour impunity and fuck around on her to his heart’s content but not allowing her to do the same is the predictable plot here, and decent in the sense it makes the viewer hate the man and feel sympathy for the lonely wife he keeps at home. Shannon Tweed once again showed that she was the shapely spearhead for this entire film sub-genre as she takes this sexy role and runs with it like a naked streaker crossing your lawn in the middle of the night! Gorgeous, sensuous, and eerily appealing, Tweed’s performance in ILLICIT DREAMS along with Andrew Stevens as her psychic-linked lover keeps the viewer interested not just in their sex trysts but also with the haunt of “what if her bad-ass husband catches them?” as each minute goes by. In short, this film puts a new spin on couple’s dynamics and further defines the term “Erotic-Thriller”!

SEXUAL ROULETTE (1996)

Directed by Gary Graver. Written by Sean McGinly.
Royal Oak Entertainment

Actress Tane McClure was another sexy lady who “represents” the Erotic-Thriller films of the 1990s alongside Shannon Tweed and Tanya Roberts. Daughter of the late Actor Doug McClure, Tane is also talented singer, her sweet voice found on the soundtrack of the 1984 film THE TERMINATOR (and she later co-starred in the comedy film LEGALLY BLONDE. alongside Reese Witherspoon). In SEXUAL ROULETTE, Tane plays a con-artist femme-fatale who gets sexual use of a married man who strikes her fancy after he loses everything he has in a Casino. Excellent sex scenes between the male character “Jed” (Tim Abell) and the wife “Sally” (Gabriella Hall) throughout the film but the best scenes were performed by Tane McClure along with Tim Abell as she effectively “blackmailed” him into becoming her personal Gigolo up until he gets caught hammering away at her by his young wife, a “gotcha” scene which Tane’s hot character “Sherry” enjoyed all the more! Most feature films wouldn’t have gotten away with only 3 or 4 characters taking up 80% of the screen time except an Erotic-Thriller like SEXUAL ROULETTE because of the hot sex portrayed between the broke hubby, his loyal and sexy wife, and the femme-fatale along with the pending “danger” falsely put forth by the seductress at the beginning! I liked the “noir” setting of the dark casino and the perpetual “nighttime only” settings of this film which was 100% in parlance with the settings of Erotic-Thriller films from 1990-1996 (the peak time period of this sub-genre of films).

VHS Cover of ILLICIT DREAMS (1994)

The “Erotic Thriller” films of the time period between 1990 and 1996 were the defining era of the sub-genre and to this day film historians will agree that the “cream of the crop” were released between those years. From NIGHT EYES (and its sequels) to SINS OF DESIRE, VICTIM OF DESIRE, BODY CHEMISTRY, MASSUESE, FRIEND OF THE FAMILY, HARD VICE, POSSESSED BY THE NIGHT, SCORNED 1 and 2, and even the Sidaris films such as ENEMY GOLD and THE DALLAS CONNECTION, the R-rated “sexys” of the early-to-mid 1990s are in a class all by them damn selves!

Tanya Roberts, Shannon Tweed, and Tane McClure are the main Starlet “Trio” of this genre and set the tone for future thrillers of similar vein casting just-as-gorgeous actresses for the roles, even if later films of similar plotlines are not considered “Erotic-Thrillers”.

The 90s Erotic-Thriller films all had commonality whereas they all portrayed sex in a sultry, darkened setting with suspenseful additions surrounding the sexual activity such as the threat of death, getting caught (adultery), danger from the Mob or other criminals, and even “black widow” type of betrayal by the female lover. The “exploitation” you ask? That was sexual activity with danger involved one way or the other! Filmmakers love to portray sex as “dangerous” and audiences love watching sex as “dangerous” even more than those same audiences love to hear about it in their Churches on Sunday before they turned on late night Cable TV on Sunday nights! “Sins” of desires and “Victims” of lust is the subliminal message of entertainment here in the Erotic-Thriller film genre, where infidelity may get you killed by a jealous husband/wife or simply getting laid might open your back door to an assassin’s bullet, or perhaps getting your lance waxed by the wrong woman results in getting your balls cut off? All in a night’s work for the “Erotic Thriller” of the 1990s! I remember staying up late on Friday and Saturday nights during the early 1990s and catching most of the Erotic-Thriller films named above and I was entertained not just by the sexy dames cast in each of them but also the “nightfall” setting of each, the darkly-attuned climate that gave eerie domain to each thriller tale before, during, and after the sex scenes. Sex is entertainment in films whether it is casual “romps” (which were the main fare in these films) or the more “romantic” love-scenes of romance-themed films, it is an entertaining element that cannot be denied no matter what some critics say about what I call “handshake sex” being used too much in these ’90s films! The essence of the B-movie Erotic-Thriller films gave credence to the mainstream Hollywood thrillers of the time period such as 1992’s BASIC INSTINCT and 1994’s COLOR OF NIGHT, neither of which I’ll call an “Exploitation” film (least not in this book~haha). Suffice it to say that the fan base of these two big-budget erotic-suspense films grew from the same pool as the Erotic-Thrillers that went straight-to-video during the heyday of this genre.

BASIC INSTINCT with the sexy Sharon Stone, not to mention the unforgettable opening scene where the hot blonde riding “cowgirl” on the guy in that bedroom enjoying the sex then murdering him with an ice pick played squarely onto the horns of the usual Erotic-Thriller meme “dangerous sex” thus thrilling the audience with a sexual kill and setting the dark theme of the rest of the film. COLOR OF NIGHT was also focused on sexual danger in the slinky form of actress Jane March who played a disturbed young woman with identity issues who falls for Bruce Willis’ character (her Shrink) but of course not until a few scenes of brazen carnality has been had! The Erotic-Thriller films of the early-to-mid-1990s truly raised the bar for both independent and “mainstream” filmmaking, enough to settle once and for all that sex can be a very profitable form of entertainment.

COPSPLOITATION

BAD LIEUTENANT (1992)

Directed by Abel Ferrara. Written by Zoe Lund and Abel Ferrara.
Lions Gate Films

“Copsploitation” is what I call films that depict Police Officers in an intentionally-villainous light or at least as “anti-hero” throughout the scope of the film.1992’s BAD LIEUTENANT is a pinnacle of what I call “Copsploitation” as it focuses almost solely upon one New York City Police Lieutenant (played by actor Harvey Keitel) who is both a gambling junkie and a narcotics junkie while performing his duties as a Police Supervisor in the heart of NYC and getting away with it all the way up to the shocker of an ending.

This film also portrays what drug-addled junkies look like, how they typically behave and the insane reactions to both high and withdrawal so well I think this film could be used as a teaching example (but only to guys and dolls over age 18 since it’s graphic).

Though the film doesn’t get in to details as to how and why the seasoned cop got hooked on snort and sports-gambling but that’s part of the beauty of this film, it doesn’t have to!

Zoe Lund and Abel Ferrara joined forces again ten years after their team-up in 1981’s rape-revenge epic MS .45 to do BAD LIEUTENANT and their unique “flavor” of filmmaking/screenwriting shows in this film as it did in MS .45, “shocking” the audience with violent circumstances as well as the graphic reality of brutish humankind, in this film’s case the drug-addled cop (Harvey Keitel naked) barely knowing who he was and as compromised as any crack-whore in a dark alley and lets not forget the gang-rape of a young Nun inside the Church! That scene garnished this film an NC-17 rating at the box office back in 1992 and then later VHS and DVD versions of BAD LIEUTENANT had “unrated” stickers on them with sales restricted to persons over 18, understandably so.

The rape-scene of the Nun in this film was disturbing enough, but a coup-de-grace of the junkie Lieutenant investigating the crime peeking in on the naked Nun in the hospital as she is being examined makes the audience cringe a little bit since that is something one wouldn’t generally be privy to even in real life. See what I mean about Lund and Ferrara’s penchant for slapping the viewer upside the head with their graphic scenes? BAD LIEUTENANT does that and more, blurring the line between a cop character one feels some (not much) sympathy towards for most of the film and the feeling that this guy needs to have his ass kicked for being so goddamn weak illegally gambling and shooting dope while working as a cop. For anyone in the audience who has suffered with some sort of addiction for real in their lives, BAD LIEUTENANT is one they might consider to be “realistic” (or not) but nevertheless Keitel plays out his role as convincingly as one could without shooting dope for real and without having Mobsters gunning for his ass and looking to put a bullet in it… for real! A harrowing storyline from start to finish with the junkie cop as anti-hero and very difficult to like despite his attempt at self-redemption in the mean streets of New York City, BAD LIEUTENANT as a film… isn’t bad at all.

UNLAWFUL ENTRY (1992)

Directed by Jonathan Kaplan. Written by George Putnam, John
Katchmer, and Lewis Colick. Distributed by 20th Century Fox.

A mainstream Hollywood feature film in 1992, UNLAWFUL ENTRY did well at the Box Office and is one film that actor Ray Liotta is remembered most for his role of a lonely LAPD Police Officer who takes a liking to a beautiful young woman (even though she’s married!) after he responds to a burglar call one night to her home. Her husband (played by Kurt Russell) is an up-and-coming businessman who likes the sharp and street-wise cop at first until the man’s underlying brutality surfaces. The term “Unlawful Entry” is actually a criminal code term referring to anyone who trespasses across the threshold of someone else’s domicile without permission, a step down from breaking-and-entering… . say, if you found your neighbor’s door ajar and you took the liberty of walking on into the house without permission, that’s “unlawful entry”. For the purpose of this film, the “unlawful entry” was the lonely Police Officer sticking his nose into the business of a married couple whose life he wanted (particularly the wife he wanted!).

Most cops I know are married with children by age 30 but this guy wasn’t and he was goddamn pissed off about seeing a “weakling” (Kurt Russell’s character) paired with a gorgeous young wife. After all the trouble that ensued, the cop should’ve known how an utter waste of time it is to lust after the lives and possessions of other people… .

SNAKE EYES (1998)

Directed by Brian DePalma.
Written by David Koepp and Brian DePalma.
Paramount Pictures

Nicholas Cage in his funny but manic form of character-acting and Brian DePalma shooting his undeniably rich brand of filmmaking at audiences once again with this cop-gone-bad-gone-good tale of a corrupt but likeable Atlantic City NJ Police Detective named Nick Santoro getting involved in a piece of military conspiracy intrigue and an unlikely assassination of a US Secretary of Defense at a big Boxing match in Atlantic City during a Hurricane! Great female scenery in this one from actress Carla Gugino who always looks babe-alicious in whatever film role she does, to the red-headed fan with big tits in the jeweled dress who turns out to be a soldier and part of the ongoing conspiracy!

SNAKE EYES is a nail-biter once the assassination occurs and the maddening panic of the indoor stadium depicted so convincingly that the audience is glad they’re not in that mess for real. Cage plays the part of the corrupt but affable cop who wants to do the right thing to help out his buddy in the Military protection detail (actor Gary Sinise) who is not the “hero” Detective Santoro thinks he is! Between the shoot-outs, flash-backs depicting the crime at different angles, more killings and cover-ups, not to mention the ass-beating Cage’s character gets at the hands of those he thought were on his side, the audience is cheering for Santoro to win the day despite the fact he’s a corrupt douche bag himself.

SNAKE EYES is now a classic “bad cop” movie with a twist that was quite original.

BIKERSPLOITATION

STONE COLD (1991)

Directed by Craig Baxley. Written by Walter Doniger.
Stone Group Pictures/ Columbia Pictures.

Arguably one of the most graphic and gritty “Biker” films ever made where the villain character overshadows the hero character and ends with grossly-entertaining violence.

STONE COLD was filmed on a budget of $25 million but only garnished a little over $9 million at the Theater Box Office in the spring of 1991 which means it “flopped” with general audiences. Cinematically, this film is not meant for most audiences, it is pure exploitation and despite its mainstream release at the time, it didn’t catch on with anyone except Exploitation Film fans and of course those who enjoy watching unconventional fare such as outlaw bikers and the outlaw cop going undercover to pin them to a wall.

The “Brotherhood” Bike Gang deals in crystal-meth and illegal weapons to make a buck and its leader “Chains” Cooper wants to whack out the new Governor and the Judge presiding over the re-trial of a Brotherhood member locked up for murdering a Priest at the beginning of the film. 80’s football player Brian Bosworth stars as a seasoned cop recruited by the FBI to infiltrate The Brotherhood Bike Gang in order to stop them from reaching beyond a certain point in their illegal agenda only the Feds and Bosworth’s muscular cop don’t know the half of it. Great heavy metal music soundtrack coupled with gritty but enticing scenery of the Biker lifestyle and their well-armed compound where women shower out in the open (hot female bods are a bonus in this Biker flick)

“Chains” is played all-too-convincingly by veteran actor Lance Henriksen of ALIENS and TERMINATOR fame, so well done that the character of “Chains” becomes the focal point in the film and the most entertaining character well beyond the front man Brian Bosworth who was supposed to break into mainstream acting via this film but didn’t because well… Bosworth can’t act! I often refer to STONE COLD as “The Chains Cooper movie” because of Lance Henriksen’s over-the-top portrayal of the outlaw biker leader that ramps up the whole film’s premise from star to finish and doesn’t let go of the audience until the end. Again, this film only appeals to a certain audience and I am one of them. STONE COLD is one of those films that exploits the 1% outlaw biker lifestyle of booze, broads, bullets, and bikes to the tenth degree with an attack on a State’s Capitol building in broad daylight which makes for a great finale. Despite showing the more “titillating” side of that outlaw biker lifestyle such as power, intimidation, and pussy galore, STONE COLD manages to entertain as an action film like no other “Biker” film before it thus sliding into a class all by itself for the 1990s lineup of exploitation films reviewed here. Nowadays with TV shows that touch on similar subject matter such as SONS OF ANARCHY the entertainment theme of outlaw bikers lives on. Just remember one thing movie-hounds… . gang “loyalty” ends at the Police Booking counter!

SPORTSPLOITATION

HE GOT GAME (1998)

Directed and Written by Spike Lee
40 Acres and a Mule Filmworks

“Jesus Shuttlesworth” is a top-notch Basketball player for his high school and is in the running for selection by just about any College that has a Basketball program, one of those “lucky” athletes who can “write their own ticket” (as they say) and Writer/Director Spike Lee hit this modern tale out of the cinematic ballpark and into cinema history as one of the most entertaining sports drama films to date, matter of fact the only “sports” film this Film Critic owns in his DVD collection, period! Jesus is a prospective player with prospects of future NBA stardom (played by real-life NBA champ Ray Allen) who takes care of his younger sister and himself without immediate parental assistance considering his father (played by Denzel Washington) is in prison for killing his mother years ago. Now his father is being offered freedom by the powers-that-be if and only if he can go convince his estranged son Jesus to play basketball for the College that happens to be the Alma Mata of one of those “powers-that-be” and so Jesus is in quite a pickle with not only charlatans and selfish hustlers working on him with offers of money and sex to recruit him for their Universities, but his father knocking on his door! It is a fact of life that when a man has great potential or comes into great fame and fortune, his life changes in the form of his family and friends… everyone wants something from him, after all he’s “rich” now (or going to be rich!) and so those who know him or are related to him often want a piece of his big-ass pie and typically those closest to the man feel they are entitled.

Hell, even Jesus’ girlfriend “Lalla Bonilla” (played by actress Rosario Dawson) finally breaks down and tells her basketball star of a man that she wants what she “can get” from him before he assumingly runs off without her. Actress Rosario Dawson did a great job in HE GOT GAME as well as in her pivotal role in Spike Lee’s film 25TH HOUR and again proved that Director Lee has a good eye when it comes to casting women in his films.

Other Critics panned this film for its gratuitous sex and nudity but that was simply a bonus considering the storyline. Hey, a lot of college chicks throw themselves at athletes and are often used as recruiting “bonuses” for prospective recruits as depicted in this film, I know that for a fact! It was also good to see porn starlet Jill Kelly in the one “recruiting pitch” scene where Jesus is given a threesome with two hot white chicks, so thanks Spike! For fans of professional basketball (as I am) HE GOT GAME is cinematic candy from start to finish with colorful personalities such as “Big Time” and other pop-up characters of the type that are usually found in Spike Lee films thus adding to the unique entertainment quality that is his trademark. As a Movie-hound who often prefers “pop-up” characters in films over the main characters, HE GOT GAME scores!

VARSITY BLUES (1999)

Directed by Brian Robbins. Written by W. Peter Illiff.
Paramount Pictures

Now I personally would rather watch a pair of crickets in the mating process than a damn football game any day of the week but this flick in my opinion falls squarely into the category of “sportsploitation” cinema for its gritty portrayal of behind-the-gridiron exploitation of athletes that does occur in real life probably more than most of the sports-fans with their over-priced tickets might realize. A mad coach (played by Jon Voight) wants to win at all costs even though he’s just coaching a high school team in a small town where everyone from the teachers to the parents and other denizens worship at the altar of that idiotic game as if it were a religion. With the star player “Mox” (actor James Van Der Beek) realizing that he might not truly want the star athlete status his father, family, girlfriend, and coach want for him to pursue, it’s a lonely quest to find a way out of the “script” set out for him to obey. Awh, poor baby jocko-douche bag has it so rough!

This film has the classic and very realistic portrayal of small-town life centered around the one high school’s winning streak at football, and in this case even at the expense of a teenage player’s handicapped knee. The Jocks are the “heroes” of the school naturally, highest on the pecking order answering primarily to the fanatical Coach who is a tyrant threatening to ruin their futures (no college football scholarship for you!) if they rebel.

The Jocks get the hot chicks (Ali Larter naked except for whipped cream was nice) but cannot trust any of them for the chicks want “out” of their small town hum-drum life and will ride the jock-cock carousel to find one who will take them along for the ride. Yep, that’s life in most high schools of a hundred years ago through today, and this film portrays it all too well. Jon Voight does an exceptional job as the tyrannical and selfish coach steering his players where he wants them to go whether they like it or not, though he does get his just desserts in the end and the “hero” Mox learns the lesson of pulling up your balls and doing what is right (for you!) even if it costs you the “plan” everyone else expects for your life. It is a timely film in the sense it mirrors real-life fan-worship of the game of football both in the professional leagues and the College teams, so it is worth watching for the “realistic” tome it holds showing teen athletes and what they go through.

I for one have always said that many Junior / Senior Year “Coaches” are nothing more than failed jocks that didn’t make the cut in College sports so they return to the lower school levels to terrorize non-athletic kids and push-push-push the new generation of jocks to achieve what they themselves did not. As for myself, I was one of those kids who discovered that I could earn money and buy stuff (such as my own hotrod car) by age 16 so I went to work bagging groceries at the FoodWay and later stocking shelves at the SavMart during my Junior and Senior years of high school, eschewing sports, the bullshit school politics and “pecking-order” which films like this portray all too well.

PORNSPLOITATION

BOOGIE NIGHTS (1997)

Directed and Written by Paul Thomas Anderson.
New Line Cinema

A major motion picture starring Burt Reynolds and Mark Wahlberg entirely focused upon the American X-rated Film Industry of the 1970s (and early 1980s) with the central male character being a young man with an extraordinarily well-endowed sex organ recruited to use it in hardcore sex scenes in pornographic films. The film is fiction of course but the character of “Dirk Diggler” (and his madcap behavior) is touted to be loosely based upon the real life of the late porn actor John Holmes, or so they say! Burt Reynolds portrays the fictional Porn Director “Jack Horner” who finds a barely-old-enough Eddie Adams working in a nightclub and somehow determines that the guy has a big dick just by looking at him and decides to offer Eddie a job fucking for film. Long story short, a “star is born” and Eddie Adams from Torrance California becomes “Dirk Diggler” the porn performer who experiences a meteoric rise to fame and fortune in the world of adult entertainment! The time period depicted in this film is the late 1970s to early 1980s, depicting the days of pornsters filming for the big screen “Grindhouse” theaters that would show X-rated features (usually very late at night) and the eventual advent of affordable videocassette that became the saving-grace of such entertainment in the 1980s and thus introduced adult cinema to American households far beyond those old theaters.

This film also takes place in the San Fernando Valley which has been the epicenter of the adult entertainment business since its birth in the early 1970s, thus giving an “historical” glimpse for the audience into what it looked like back then, so BOOGIE NIGHTS is also an excellent “period piece” film showing the climate, clothing, vehicles, attitudes, and society in general back in the late 1970s. I personally didn’t enjoy too much of the cast in this film except for Burt Reynolds, Don Cheadle, and actress Nicole Ari Parker (she played porn star “Becky Barnett” in the film). The character of “Buck” played by Don Cheadle was interesting and sympathetic, though he was the only male porn star in this film NOT shown filming a sex-scene, though he did end up married to the hot blonde starlet and getting the music store business he wanted by a tragic quirk of fate. Also,

“Becky Barnett” played by Nicole Ari Parker should have had some more screen time because I thought she was interesting but not as detailed as most of the other characters.

Director/Writer Paul Thomas Anderson knows how to get an audience engrossed in a film’s characters, that being the strongest part of his work I feel, for BOOGIE NIGHTS is most memorable a film because of its over-the-top characters and their sordid situations.

A buddy of mine named Davis likes to jokingly quote lines from this movie and that I feel is the ultimate mark of a good film (like the subject matter or not!) when people quote and casually remark about it over a decade after it’s initial release.

Drink
A Grinding Tale by Ken Knight ©2012

San Francisco, CA. September 19, 1999: It was the annual “WestCon” Convention held in the Regent Diamond Convention Center located along California Street that had over 20,000 patrons come through the doors this morning, all of them fans of the Actors, Actresses, Writers, and Performers of Motion Pictures, TV shows, Comic Book art, and other entertainment-related genres who were invited here to sign and sell photos, meet their fans, and promote any new projects in the works. Then there were the tables and tables of “dealers” who sold everything from movie memorabilia to toys, costumes, and movies on VHS and DVD among other collectibles and curios for sale to the Con-goers.

Twenty-nine year old Henry Beeson and his more intimidating friend Bronson Calhoun never missed a west coast convention if they could, this one being the highlight of the summer convention season not to mention the one where their favorite “Celebs of the Past” come to kick it with their fans who have not forgotten them even if they are not working in Hollywood or the entertainment business any longer. It was the one main thing pals Henry and Bronson had in common to be pals about: old movies and the actors and actresses who made such movies and TV-shows their favorite form of entertainment.

The diminutive, bookwormish Henry Beeson with thick eyeglasses and a limp to his walk appeared as an unusual accompaniment to the taller, muscled Bronson Calhoun who looked like a football player by comparison, but they were buddies with a shared passion for Cinema and TV which was why they traveled from Nevada to SF just this morning.

“Look, holy shit she’s here… . the chick from ‘Last American Virgin’ . . . man, she’s still hot in every way,” Henry said to Bronson with a nudge to one arm, referring to an actress at one table signing autographs who was in the early 1980’s sex comedy aptly entitled “The Last American Virgin”, which Bronson just shrugged at in response, his eyes going over tables of celebs young and old, none of them current “A-List” Actors/Actresses but celebrities just the same, especially to Movie-Hounds like Henry and Bronson! Pushing past a throng of other fans not watching where they were going, Bronson and Henry ended up at a table where a familiar male face sat at a table covered in 8x10 photos he was selling along with his autograph for the usual $20 (cash) fee for each.

“Mason Beck!” Henry spoke first as he and Bronson halted at the actor’s table, no one standing in line ahead of them right now to meet the man, his gaze meeting theirs quick.

“Hey there guys,” the ruggedly-handsome actor of over twenty films and two TV shows in the past 20 years said in reply to Henry’s announcement of his name, extending a hand.

“Beck, hey man I didn’t know you were gonna be here at this Con, how the hell are ya?” Bronson Calhoun spoke up from behind his buddy Henry, grinning at the familiar actor.

“Yeah, I came here at the last minute so I’m not listed in the program booklet,” the 48-year old white man with short graying brown hair and a trimmed goatee said sitting behind his table clad in business-casual attire, still shaking hands with Henry.

“Awesome dude, you were the shit in ‘Death Face Two’ and ‘My Gun is Justice’ . . . for real man, I love those two flicks!” Bronson continued frankly as Beck signed an 8x10 of himself in a scene from another film back in the mid-80s to the shorter, skinnier Henry standing in front of the boisterous Calhoun who mentioned two films Beck didn’t really like talking about because they were “B-Movies” when he’d rather be known for his work in two Burt Reynolds films and the one he did with Sissy Spacek as well.

“There you go Henry, enjoy my friend,” Mason Beck said as he handed the signed 8x10 to the paying fan in front of him, Henry lingering there for a moment to ask a question.

“Mister Beck, why weren’t you in the movie ‘Color of Night’ like I read you were originally considered for… you’d done a better job than Bruce… ?” Henry stammered hesitantly as he looked at the older man’s face and determined him not to be in the best of mood judging by the steady expression on his face right now, asking him anyway.

“Because someone didn’t like me up at the Producer level, that’s all, and the rest is movie-history as they say,” Mason Beck answered the nerd-looking fan polite and calm.

Henry and Bronson were the only two conventioneers standing at Beck’s table right now so he fielded their questions and chatted about his past film achievements as an actor from his early 80s B-movies (which these two seemed to prefer above all of them!) to his more mainstream Hollywood films he’s proudest of, even though he wasn’t on the casting couch for anything since 1993. Talking with these two was a little amusing and refreshing in the sense they knew everything about his filmography before he could even tell them so answering questions was easy because these two fans understood his work.

He liked these two already, and as he chatted it up with Henry and Bronson at his table with no other fans coming up to him for an autograph, he made a decision right then.

“How would you two guys like to hang out with me at my place… right here in Frisco tonight?” the seasoned but out-of-work actor asked the two fans from out of the blue.

“You live around here?” Bronson asked as he took off his jean jacket due to the heat.

“Sure do, right up in Pacific Heights just off Broadway Street, can’t miss it,” Beck said as if he wasn’t about to take no for an answer, grinning at the two fans assuredly with a nod.

“Seriously?!” Henry quipped with insecure doubt, glancing at his buddy beside him now.

“Seriously… you guys are cool, so why the hell not… . no one else at this goddamn Con seems to remember my work like you do, so come over around six o’clock sharp and we’ll have some drinks, get shit-faced, and howl at the moon,” the Actor said frankly as he wrote down his SF home address on the back of a spare 8x10 photo which he handed to Henry with a grin. “You’re on sir!” Henry quipped excitedly then shook his hand, his buddy Bronson surprised but willing, shaking his hand next in agreement.

“See you-two around six o’clock sharp… . don’t be late, and say hello to Janelle Striker over there, she’s a friend of mine,” Beck said as he pointed toward a table about 12 feet away from his own, the two young men turning to see the gorgeous Janelle Striker seated behind a table signing photos of herself to fans. “Oh yeah, she’s a porn star!” Bronson responded in interest as he started walking toward the scantily-clad vixen’s table now.

“Hey handsome… . what’s your name?” the shapely white female with the stunning face revealing a slinky smile spoke to Calhoun as he stepped up to her table, his eyes on her cleavage in the snug, skimpy blue mini-dress she wore which barely covered her assets.

“Bronson,” he said with a grin back at the starlet of X-rated film, glancing down at the table to see the 8x10 photos of her she could sign for $20. Of the eight images available, all were of her clothed or partially-covered (for the most part) since the Convention did not want nude pictures floating around in the arena, for there were some minors around.

“Heenh, like Charles Bronson?” she giggled with a wink at the man, noticing his smaller friend with the thick eyeglasses coming up alongside him with a nervous aura about him.

“Yeah, but I’m no vigilante baby,” Bronson said back to her then she leaned forward to hug him and his dork-looking buddy in greeting, her perfume alone hypnotic along with her pretty face and delicious physique wrapped tight by the thin mini-dress so stunning.

“You a fan of my films?” she asked as she sat back down staring up at Bronson with a slinky smile then winked at his dork buddy standing nervously beside him right now.

“Yes ma’am, you were tha shizzle in ‘Bakery Babes’ and the ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ series as well, plus I remember the erotic-thriller flicks you were in back in the late eighties Janelle,” Bronson answered knowingly with a chuckle, eyeing her cleavage.

“Why thanks Bronson… tell you what, I have a few eight-by-ten slicks I can sign to ya if you don’t show them around the convention here, they might kick me out,” the pretty porn starlet said softly toward him as she leaned forward, making him grin in agreement.

She pulled out a folder from under her table and opened it to reveal 8x10 “slicks” of her highly-rated “Dark Side of the Moon” X-rated film trilogy starring herself as the lead female. She quickly signed the slick showing her naked standing up to male co-star Ray Vidor who was in a Astronaut’s flight suit, his arm around her lean waist with hand at the small of her back just above her bare ass facing out as she looked over her right shoulder.

To Bronson, my tall drink of water! Love and lust ~ Janelle Striker.

“Thanks babe… wow,” he said as he took the signed x-rated photo slick from her and covered it with the other 8x10 signed pictures he had in a folder under his left arm, hers being the best of the bunch, naturally. Nothing beats a beautiful woman autographing a nude photo of herself to you! He handed her $20 and then got a hug from the sweet-smelling lady and stepped back to let his buddy Henry buy a signed 8x10 from her for his own collection, choosing one of her photos of her posing on a beach with a pair of mirrored sunglasses and a thin string-bikini which barely covered her perky boobs and well-formed “cheerleader” ass. She stood up and gave Henry a kiss to the cheek making him blush then signed his photo and took his $20 bill. Bronson turned around to look back toward Actor Mason Beck’s table and found the man had vanished from sight already, guessing he might have stepped out to take a piss perhaps.

“You guys come see me later, okay?” Janelle giggled as Bronson and Henry stepped away from her table, another couple of guys stepping up to get her attention next.

“Man, that is one hot piece of ass!” Henry said to Bronson as they stepped away, walking along the aisle of celebrity tables opposite of where porn starlet Janelle Striker sat.

“That she is my friend,” Bronson laughed as he and Henry wandered along the crowded Convention floor to see other celebrities from the past, some “famous” only to cult-film fans, their minds on the invitation Actor Mason Beck gave them for tonight.

Pacific Heights in San Francisco, 5:45 that evening: Bronson and Henry found the right address with time to spare, not wanting to be late after being invited here by Mason Beck personally, and Bronson parked his 1998 Ford Mustang 4.6L GT behind Beck’s Porsche in relief that he and Henry were not late. “I can’t believe this shit man,” Henry said to his buddy from Carson City Nevada, looking up at the hillside home of actor Mason beck who they both admired for the film work he’s done over the years, so cool that he invited them to come party at his personal residence here in Frisco after the Convention!

“Pays to be a cool fan Henry, guys like Mason don’t invite just anyone to their inner fuckin’ sanctum for a party… . hell, we might even get laid!” Bronson quipped in humor, nudging his skinnier friend before climbing out of his prized hot rod car. Henry followed Bronson up a set of stone steps to a back door which had a hand-written note taped to it:

“Come on in guys, and leave your car keys in the bowl by the stairs” it read. Bronson opened the wooden door and stepped into the air-conditioned domicile that appeared to be three stories high in “Victorian” style architecture, assuming the car keys in the bowl thing being their host’s way of assuring they won’t get a DWI if they drink too much.

“Way fukkin’ cool… . check it out…,” Bronson spoke in a hushed voice as he looked around the interior of the well-furnished and decorated first floor which reminded him of one of those old fashioned aristocratic households of museum-like cleanliness and order.

He and the more timid Henry stepped to the long wooden stairwell heading up into the rest of the impressive household, seeing the bowl on the shelf nearby so Bronson dropped his Mustang keys there and started up the stairwell, old wood creaking under his boots.

“This house is money… . money!” Henry snickered as he skyscraper-looked all around him while ascending the stairs, his bigger buddy Bronson going to the top of the steps where a short hallway met them and two doors, one to their right and one directly ahead which was the door they took, opening it to step into a well-lit “living room” that was way too spacious to be such. “Oh yeah, this is tha place!” Bronson quipped as he entered, looking around to see the well-furnished interior, framed movie posters of the features Mason Beck was cast in, large photos of himself with other celebrities and on-set during the height of his film career, not to mention expensive furniture and a big-screen TV!

Henry felt even more nervous as he and his best friend walked around the air-conditioned interior of Mason Beck’s San Francisco home at this level, both amazed and cautious.

“Mister Beck?!” Bronson called out, running a hand over his head of short brown hair, wondering where the movie star may be right now, eager to start partying as promised, which also made him wonder if other guests, perhaps other celebrity guests may arrive?

“Check out this bar,” Henry said as he stepped up to the in-home Bar against one wall, seeing the row of liquor and wine bottles with a big refrigerator behind it that surely packed a variety of beers, the casually-dressed Henry taking a seat on a bar stool.

“Man, it pays to be cool and not a dork at the Conventions when ya meet cats like Mason Beck, I imagine he doesn’t invite just anyone here,” Bronson said matter-of-factly as he stared up at a full-sized movie poster framed on one wall, remembering seeing it when it was first released in theaters about ten years ago. Just then they both heard the distinctive sound of a door clicking open, the two eager fans turning to expect their host appearing from somewhere but they got a whole other surprise instead.

“Hey guys… . I see you-two found the place easy enough,” spoke Janelle Striker gingerly as she strolled out from what appeared to be a steamy bathroom near the door Henry and Bronson had entered through a minute ago, and she was completely naked with a towel she was using to hand-dry her shoulder-length brown blondish hair. The incredibly well-shaped X-rated film starlet sauntered into the swank living room with eyes on the male guests intently, accompanied with a slinky smile as they stared back at her in stunned reaction to her unexpected nude presence here at Mason Beck’s Frisco pleasure palace.

“Janelle Striker, hey lady… . Mason said you were a friend of his, I see he wasn’t lying,” Bronson retorted with a grin at her lean and fit shapely physique, those 36D boobs of hers just the perky “banana titties” as he remembered seeing on X-rated video before and her ass just as ripe an apple as any cheerleaders as she casually approached he and Henry.

“Oh yes… Mason’s still in the shower but he’ll be out soon, you guys help yourselves to a drink from the bar and relax,” Janelle said softly with a wink over at the nervous Henry.

Janelle sauntered across the big living room area and into where Henry guessed to be a kitchen, out of sight for the moment. “Man, this is way too cool!” Henry whispered next.

“Pour yourself a drink bro, I’m in the mood for tequila… we might get laid this trip after all, hunh-haanh!” Bronson snickered as he stepped behind the Bar to find the bottle of tequila which was right up front along with a bottle of Jack Daniels that Henry preferred.

“You guys are big fans of Mason’s I take it… . which is your favorite of his?” spoke up Janelle Striker again as she exited the kitchen with a glass of orange juice in one hand, her towel folded long over her left shoulder, still naked otherwise and casual about it.

“Dark Day on the Plains,” answered Bronson from behind the bar, ogling her body.

Henry answered her as she stepped toward him with a gentle smirk, the young man fixated on her tits and she assumed him to be one of those guys who didn’t get much.

“Yeah, I liked the one he did with Bruce Willis too,” she answered Henry with her right hand reaching out to touch his face for a moment in friendly gesture, eyes on Bronson.

“You ever gonna star in a mainstream Hollywood film again Janelle?” Henry asked her.

“Well I wouldn’t call those B-movies I was cast in back in the late eighties ‘mainstream’ by any means, but I think after starring in a little over a hundred X-rated flicks since nineteen-ninety, I’m persona-non-grada with Hollywood producers… . no one wants to hire a porno actress for a role in a major motion picture,” Janelle answered calmly as she walked around the spacious living room with her glass of juice, the two male guests taking in the sight of her well-crafted physique that looked far better without clothes!

“I hang out with Hollywood people like Mason Beck, even sleep with a few of them such as Mason, but that’s as far as I’ll get to a career in ‘mainstream’ films,” she continued with a slinky glance back at them as they sat at the bar counter with their shots of booze.

“That body of yours is awesome Janelle, you’re one hot piece of ass,” Bronson said next, surprising his buddy Henry who wouldn’t have put it that way (especially out-loud!).

“Mmmmhh… why thank you darling, I work hard to keep this body tight and sexy in my thirties ya know,” Janelle responded with a sleazy expression across her gorgeous face.

“I’ve got a bunch of your films on VHS… . you’ve been cast with the same few guys and gals in your sex scenes, so you get to pick your co-stars hunh?” the grinning Bronson said knowingly as she stepped in front of him with hands on her bare hips.

“Yeah, I preferred working with Ray Vidor until he died while sky-diving last year and Jonny Faster of course, he’s a stud… . but as for lesbo-scenes Christy Cannons is my favorite chick to be cast with,” Janelle answered gingerly with a wink at the curious fan who was eyeing between her legs now. Just as Janelle Striker crossed the room in front of them again, another attractive female appeared from the same door the two male guests entered through, and smiled approvingly their way as the naked porn starlet strolled over to greet her. Bronson and Henry both recognized the pretty brunette as Lana Barrett, a semi-famous B-movie actress known for her “gratuitous nudity” scenes in action films.

“You’re Lana Barrett!” Bronson quipped as soon as he recognized the raven-haired beauty walking in, remembering that she was one of Mason Beck’s co-stars in that flick he did about the Private Detective and the stripper who turned out to be a serial-killer.

“And you’re very perceptive!” she chimed back at the stranger seated at Mason’s bar next to a diminutive younger man, assuming Mason once again invited fan-boys to his place.

Lana Barrett stepped up to the naked porn starlet she knew, smiling slinky as they drew in closer, and then much to the two male fans’ surprise, they embraced for a kiss hello.

The clothed Lana Barrett hugged the naked Janelle close, kissing her in an easy but passionate smooch of familiarity, Lana’s right hand snaking down to Janelle’s bare ass to gently tap it then squeeze for both her benefit and to tease to two male on-lookers.

“Where’s Mason?” Lana asked as soon as their lips parted, staring into Janelle’s eyes.

“Probably done his shower and out the door by now, you’re late babe,” Janelle said softly, overheard by Bronson and Henry sitting six feet away at the in-home custom bar.

“Oh damn him… . always jumping the gun!” the sultry brunette snapped as she left Janelle to hurry over to the bathroom door at the far end of the living room, pushing it open to get a face full of steam and finding the chamber empty of one Actor named Mason Beck who obviously exited out through the door at the other side of the bathroom and down the stairwell. She slammed the bathroom door shut in disappointment, knowing full well what Mason Beck was now en route to accomplish… . she arrived two minutes too late!

“What’s wrong?” Henry had to ask, a finger pushing his eyeglasses back up his nose.

“Mason’s gone… . wonder if it’ll be on the TV news by now?” Janelle answered the question with casual aplomb and a shrug, walking over toward the big-screen TV now, Henry and Bronson watching her excellent apple of a bare ass and wondering what exactly she meant by “Mason’s gone”. He invited them here tonight and he took off??

Janelle turned the big TV on and switched channels to the local SF News as if she was expecting to see something being reported anytime now, knowing something that the two male guests did not know of course. “Should be media-worthy anytime,” Lana sighed as she stepped over near the naked Janelle to view the big TV set and the news report.

“Yep, there he is!” Janelle snapped abruptly as the words “Breaking News” flashed on the Cable TV news channel and the helicopter view of a high-speed car chase (currently in-progress) through the streets of downtown San Francisco. Bronson stood up abruptly as he saw the car being chased by Police and media helicopter on that TV screen, easily recognizing it because it was his car… . his Mustang! “Holy shit, that’s my car!” he quipped as he stomped from the bar to stand between the two women before the TV.

“Nice car big guy… . Mason must have liked it a lot to take it for his final ride,” Lana answered the shocked Bronson Calhoun standing between her and Janelle, shaking.

“Hope you got insurance ’cuz he’s not coming back,” Janelle snickered matter-of-factly as she looked at the stunned Mustang owner then at Lana with a sinister expression.

Bronson pivoted left and bolted across the room toward the door from whence he came, almost tumbling down the entire flight of wooden stairs on the way down moving so fast.

His keys were gone from the bowl on the shelf, so that was his car on the TV and he got final confirmation as soon as he bolted outside into the night air to see his beloved hotrod Mustang gone from where he parked it behind Mason’s Porsche… . GONE!!

“Shit… . shit… . shit!!” Bronson bellowed out loud as he took off running from Beck’s house onto the street below in a furious sprint of mindless rage, heading in the same direction as his Mustang went despite being hopelessly and uselessly on foot.

Back in the house, Henry Beeson and the two lovely ladies stood watching the TV News coverage ~ “Actor Mason Beck being pursued by San Francisco Police along the historical district and up toward the inclined streets beyond not far from the Bay itself, a press release issued by Mason Beck a half-hour ago stating that he intends to show his fans and enemies how a real actor leaves the stage… . we fear Mister Beck is on a suicidal rampage in a Ford Mustang heading toward…” The News Report continued as the three of them watched the aerial view of Bronson’s Mustang rocketing through an upscale residential neighborhood, successfully avoiding police barricades nearby, which Janelle herself expected since Mason had fully planned this “exit strategy” personally and he was not one to leave out any spoilers that might work against him in his suicidal endeavor.

“Why, I mean… . why is Mason doing this?” Henry asked as he glanced at both the clothed Lana Barrett and then the gloriously naked Janelle Striker on his other side.

“He was recently diagnosed with a very serious heart condition that the doctors say will kill him within a month or month-and-a-half… . so he decided to go out with a ‘bang’ if ya know what I mean… . well, there he goes in your friend’s Mustang… . hope you didn’t leave anything of value in it honeybuns,” Lana explained in a sullen tone, like Janelle she knew about Beck’s plan and didn’t stop him, coming here tonight to say farewell but she missed him by a few minutes nonetheless. “Just my checkbook and stuff I bought at the Convention like the photos I got signed,” Henry said in chilled response, glancing at the naked porn starlet standing next to him. “Oh well, just catch me at ‘Balder-Con’ up in Seattle next month and I’ll sign another photo to ya for free baby,” Janelle said softly with her left hand around his waist as they stood there watching the sky-camera footage.

“Bronson’s freakin’ out for sure… . jeezus, look at Mason go!” Henry said next as the Mustang launched down another side street to avoid police pursuers and back onto a freeway as the News Chopper flew overhead filming the chase minute-by-minute.

“That cowboy sure can drive!” Lana quipped in humor, making Janelle giggle again.

“Lana, he sure can… . I’m going to miss that motherfucker,” Janelle said gingerly as she took a step back, looking over to where she left her sandals and her mini-dress earlier before joining Mason Beck in the shower for a final fling-farewell. Henry glanced past Lana to see the naked Janelle leisurely walk over to slip her shoes back on her feet and pick up a green mini-dress from where it was draped over a wing-backed chair.

The speedometer read 110mph on the dashboard, the V-8 engine gunned to premiere performance like he knew it could now that Mason Beck made it back onto the freeway heading away from the Bay right for a district he had planned to end this “last roar” knowing the media helicopter flying above filming his chase through the streets of San Francisco sure to capture it all on film for posterity as he out-drove the police pursuers.

“This is it you sorry pack of bastards… . kiss my ass Hollywood, you selfish fuckheads who can’t write a good script anymore… . bye-bye all you ass-kissing fans of mine, this is the best goddamn actor of the past twenty years… signing-off!!” Mason Beck bellowed at the top of his lungs as he sped to the top of the next hill, the speeding Mustang launching off the crest of the inclined street in a “jump” just enough time for Mason to depress the knob on the wired controller to the C-4 explosive device in the gym-bag he brought with him, and a split second later as the Mustang’s wheels left the asphalt everything became a flash of bright light to the dying man. The car exploded into a fireball of metal and debris into fireworks lighting up the night air of this residential neighborhood sending debris in every direction harming no one else, just vaporizing a dying actor named Mason Beck.

The helicopter overhead filmed the explosion live for the news feed, and back at Beck’s place in Pacific Heights, the three watching the live news report about Mason’s high-speed chase witnessed the Mustang explode into fiery smithereens just as it jumped a hill as if right-on-cue. “Yep, just as he said he would!” Lana quipped at the sight of the car exploding, turning to look at Janelle watching from behind her with mini-dress draped over one shoulder, still naked otherwise. Henry’s face turned sad because he just got to witness the death of one of his favorite actors on live TV from here inside the man’s Frisco home in Pacific Heights with two beautiful women who knew Beck was going to do it and warned no one. Janelle leaned into Lana and they kissed again then the naked vixen spun around to walk across the room toward the door leading to the stairwell.

He had to wonder what it must have felt like at least for a split-second; being blown up like Mason just experienced, but the man might not have felt a damn thing except death!

Lana stepped away from the big screen TV and vanished down a dark hallway near the kitchen door, so Henry Beeson turned his attention to the still-nude Janelle Striker now approaching the door to leave, her pretty eyes on him now as if pondering something.

“Pour us both a shot of tequila handsome,” she said to the nerdy Henry with a smile.

He walked back to the Bar and promptly poured two shot-glasses of tequila, going back to the nude vixen with the body he wished every woman possessed and handed her one.

“To Mason Beck and his last ride into oblivion,” Janelle said in toast as she held up her shot-glass, facing the unnerved young man with the thick eyeglasses and gentle resolve.

“To Mason and his last ride,” Henry said as he touched his shot to hers and then they both wolfed down their tequila at the same time, dropping the shot-glasses to the floor.

“See around Henry, don’t forget me,” Janelle said impishly with a hand to his face then she turned and walked to the door leading to the creaky old stairwell on the other side.

“I’m a fan Miss Striker, I can’t forget you… . but are you going outside naked like that?” he replied in a slight laugh as she opened the door to leave, her mini-dress slung over her left shoulder like a towel, intending to put it on as she went outside into the cool night.

“This is San Francisco baby… . no big deal,” she giggled as she stepped through the door and down the stairs out of his sight, Henry still smelling her sweet perfume in the air as he stood there in the late Mason Beck’s home wondering if the Police would raid the joint anytime now. He then thought about his pal Bronson Calhoun and where he might be.

Bronson had stopped about a mile from the Beck residence in his fury-run, ending up in the back yard of a homeowner who was watching TV inside his screened-in back porch and let the out-of-breath runner view the “breaking news” through the screen for a few minutes and it was then Bronson got to see his beloved Mustang explode on the TV News killing Mason Beck and obliterating his one personally-owned vehicle into tiny pieces.

The walk back was a frighteningly sullen period of time as Bronson kept asking himself WHY Mason Beck chose his car to detonate himself in, and guessed that maybe it was because he had parked the Mustang directly behind Mason’s $100,000 Porsche in the driveway. Maybe it was because Mason liked the Mustang and took it or perhaps it was his idea to take a fan’s car to die in rather than one of his own? He’d never know for sure because he would never be able to ask Mason Beck personally, the man was now DUST!

“I don’t believe this,” Bronson sighed to himself as he turned that dark street corner toward the hillside residence of the late Mason Beck and saw the naked Janelle Striker strolling along the sidewalk alone with some kind of garment draped over one shoulder.

“There you are big guy, hey… . don’t take it too hard baby, talk to the press about your car being stolen by Mason Beck and you might get paid for your story… . anyway, good luck to you Bronson… . and don’t forget me!” Janelle Striker spoke sweetly as she walked on past the man standing still at that corner ogling her impressive bare bod in surprise that she was walking out here nude like that so brazenly. He watched her wander on down the sidewalk a bit further, then within seconds more she finally lifted her mini-dress up over her head and slowly dropped the garment down over herself to cover her physique as she continued toward where her car was parked. “How could I forget you sweet-cheeks?” he sighed to himself as he turned to walk back up to the big Victorian-style house where his pal Henry would still be and maybe an answer as to why Mason Beck killed himself with his car so unexpectedly, the image of his car exploding like it did still fresh in his mind.

Inside the house, Henry stood up against the bar counter having poured himself another shot of tequila, his mind in wonder what would happen next on this night of surprises, genuinely feeling sad for Mason Beck and the fact he committed suicide so ferociously.

He heard someone behind him and turned around to find another more pleasant surprise standing at the threshold of the hallway at the other side of the spacious living room: Lana Barrett totally naked and grinning ear-to-ear with eyes fixed on him intently.

“Lana,” he sighed as he turned to face her, her boobs bigger than they look with a blouse covering them, that’s for sure. “Well Henry, we have about an hour or so before the cops come crashing in here with a search warrant, so why not make use of the master bedroom before it gets torn apart in a police search?” Lana spoke in a slinky tone of voice, clearly suggesting that he join her in the bedroom for the obvious, and that cheered him up. Henry put his booze glass down and walked across the room toward her in eager stride.

When Bronson re-entered the Beck house, he ran up the old wooden stairwell and through the door into the spacious living room, finding no one else in there, just the TV News still on the big screen showing the car exploding with Mason beck inside it, over and over again from the venue of a Press chopper flying overhead. He stood there at the TV set watching it for a minute or so then turned to grab another drink at the bar, wondering where his little buddy Henry disappeared to. Downing the shot of tequila he decided to snoop around, going to the dark hallway he hadn’t ventured into yet, walking down the carpeted pathway toward where he guessed would be bedrooms and bathrooms.

The last door at the far end had as small light on inside, noticeable through the door left ajar so he approached it and stopped to cautiously peer inside, surprised yet again!

There was his pal Henry Beeson over on a big canopied bed naked with actress Lana Barrett, fucking her in vibrant missionary-style intercourse, her vocal outbursts denoting that she was enjoying the hell out of it too. Bronson couldn’t believe what he was seeing now as he stood peering in through the inch or so of the door ajar, watching in interest.

“He’s fuckin’ her… . hell yeah… go for it Henry, and save some for me man!” Bronson whispered as he watched his friend and Lana going-at-it, then turned to walk back down the hallway hoping he could get a bit himself once his buddy was done, if she’s in the mood for “round two” that is. He was stuck here in a dead man’s house while his buddy was fucking the socks off a sexy movie actress in the dead man’s bedroom with time ticking by as the investigation into Mason Beck’s unusual suicide will bring police and press here to his San Francisco domicile probably within the hour.

“What a night this one turned out to be, and to think all I wanted was to meet some celebrities and get a few autographs,” Bronson chuckled out loud as he walked back into the swank living room, looking around at the walls covered with framed movie posters and pictures of the late Mason Beck who stole a fan’s hotrod car to die on television for real in a fiery farewell that will become part of immortal Hollywood Lore and he did it right now during the final months of the 20th Century, in September of 1999. He chose not to see the new millennium, not to live in what will lie beyond the year 2000.

Bronson found the half-full glass of orange juice Janelle Striker was drinking earlier and picked it up, taking a sip of the tangy liquid as he wished she had stuck around as well, then he poured some tequila in the remaining juice and stepped to the center of the late actor’s living room and then held up the mixed drink in solitary toast. He now realized that sometimes it is best to not get too close to one’s favorite “Star” because you may become disappointed if you uncover too much about them personally. In this case, he was sad and disappointed at a Star’s decision to leave this life and never entertain him again, having stolen his fan’s beloved automobile to carry out such a brazen “exit” off stage.

“Here’s to all my favorite movie actors and actresses dead and gone by now… . thanks for being there, and maybe I’ll get to drink with you in another life!” Bronson spoke out loud then wolfed down the drink in his hand.

(The End)

SHOWCASE
2000’S

Now at the dawn of the 21st Century there wasn’t great fervor in the Entertainment Industry to re-create or redefine Exploitation Filmmaking however there were to be “Salutes” to the genre from Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez with films such as PLANET TERROR, DEATHPROOF, and MACHETE released within the first decade after Y2K and these “Salute” films are masterpieces of the genre all by themselves and have a large fan following. That fan following has grafted a new (growing) interest in the Exploitation films of the 70s and 80s which has heralded some low-budget cult films of the 70s-style such as HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN. I refuse to review the recent film HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN here because I do not like the idea of a shifty street bum being portrayed as a “hero”; those fucking people deserve nothing but our scorn.

The remake of PIRANHA came in the form of PIRANHA 3D with Elizabeth Shue and Ving Rhames as the heroes fighting off prehistoric man-eating fish at a desert resort during Spring Break, the film certainly an up-tick from the 1978 original with a different story but pure exploitation cinema in my opinion complete with lots of nudity and gore.

Low-budget Exploitation Cinema of the past certainly influenced mainstream Hollywood filmmaking from the 1980s-on, we’ve established that already. As newer filmmaking arises there has been a penchant for the Hollywood powers-that-be to produce “re-makes” of past films, though many films of the past should not be re-made simply because they stand in a class all by themselves, DEATH WISH and DIRTY HARRY being on this Critic’s list of movies that should never be re-done because they’d lose their magic touch if re-made with modern actors and “sensitivity” political-correctness.

Beyond the pivotal year 2000, Hollywood films have become more relaxed in censoring standards regarding language and violence but a trend has been birthed since the last days of the 90s decade that concerns me as a film fan and that eerie trend is a “self-imposed” censorship compass that has resulted in a filmmaking bar no one dares cross except during rare occasions where an Independent Filmmaker or a well-loved rogue Director such as Rob Zombie squeezes it past the unofficial censors. Funny thing is with the unofficial soft censorship (of the type that would utterly balk at releasing uncut versions of some of the 70s Exploitation films today) is that a sort of “backtrack” happens where the self-imposers of political-correctness in fiction filmmaking will have no problem with bashing “traditional” social morals or heroic archetypes in some films and promote a small percentage over the majority percentage. One example is the current trend of promoting homosexual relationships over straight ones in mainstream Hollywood films (although gay sex-scenes aren’t done too often!). Another example of what I’m referring to here is the blatantly-obvious bashing of straight White men in many mainstream films to the point such a subplot has grown predictable and dull. In the years following Y2K there has been what I would call “Exploitation” films of subtle past theme and flavor but a modern craft piloted by a whole new stick and rudder. These films are closer to the mainstream than such films were 40 years ago and possess bigger budgets, better-known actors and actresses cast in them, as well as a much broader audience thanks to DVD and the Internet. As a diehard fan of Exploitation Cinema, I daresay that it is clear that such films of the past 40 years have made it into the “mainstream” just by ideas and themes alone, even if the more mainstream filmmakers would never outright label their work as an “Exploitation” film. Perhaps in the current climate where all kinds of “sensitivities” are paid tribute to and soft-law tactics threaten artists and writers, Exploitation Films may be the best “politically-incorrect” entertainment left to enjoy… .

“LONELY GUY” films

ONE HOUR PHOTO (2002)

Directed and Written by Mark Romanek
Fox Searchlight Pictures

The best dramatic role I’ve seen done by Actor/Comedian Robin Williams thus far! His eerily-haunting role of “Seymour ‘Sy’ Parrish” in ONE HOUR PHOTO to this day remains one I’ll never forget. This film opens unassumingly with the arrest of a rather harmless-looking gentleman being photographed and interviewed by a Detective, the man being the recently-fired Photo-Tech Specialist at “Sav-Mart” discount department store somewhere in Suburbia (assumed to be California) and his name is Sy Parrish. As it turns out Sy is a “loner” whose job as a Photo Specialist is his life, his hum-drum existence outside the Department Store where he works the Photo Lab consisting of him returning to his lonely Spartan apartment to watch TV alone each and every night and stare at photos of the Yorkin family he has kept for himself. Being so lonely and at middle-age, Sy takes it upon himself to live vicariously through the photos of the thirty-something Yorkin couple and their young son Jake whose pictures he’s been developing for the past 10 years. Innocently enough, Sy injects himself into the Yorkin’s business by giving their son a birthday gift and visits the kid’s soccer practice one time then later sits down for lunch with Mina Yorkin while she takes a break from her incessant shopping at the mall, but both the Yorkins just see him as a harmless little man with no agenda. Their son Jake senses that Sy is a lonely-heart and feels bad for him, telling his Mom at the beginning of the film that he doesn’t think “Sy the Photo Guy” has any friends nor a girlfriend or even a mother and father (the kid assumed correctly!). Low and behold, his mean-spirited boss (veteran actor Gary Cole) learns of a huge missing allotment of prints from the photo lab and figures it was Sy stealing pictures so he fires him, the 11 years that Sy had spent working for “Sav-Mart” totally meaningless at that point and he was shit-canned out of there like he was some minimum-wage teenager fired for loafing. The dynamic between Sy and his boss “Bill” is seen earlier in the film when the man confronts Sy about taking a 90-minute lunch break (Sy was daydreaming about the Yorkin family he so wanted to belong to). It seemed that the boss had it in for Sy from the beginning, the utter contempt shown by the actor in that scene clearly displaying a silent malice which reminded me of how high school gym coaches look down upon the less-athletic boys in their gym class!

The perfect storm that sends Sy into a tailspin was the job termination plus the sudden realization that the ideal life of the Yorkins wasn’t so “ideal” after all and so this film takes the audience through a harrowing and mesmerizing ride down a stalker’s path never before experienced in cinema, least not in this story’s unique perspective. Director Romanek mastered the thriller code of keeping the audience pinned to the seats during the entire second half of the storyline, and Robin Williams perfectly portrayed a man whose own silent rage put him on a path he (the character) normally wouldn’t have taken.

ONE HOUR PHOTO is more than a “stalker” film, it is a thriller within its own category exploiting the “lonely guy” aspect of character-development reminiscent of films such as TAX DRIVER and AMERICAN GIGOLO and the lone male character takes center stage for the duration of the film, becoming the entire plot in and of himself.

If the saying “nice guys finish last” appeals to you, then the character of Sy Parrish harbors that old cliché because he is the quintessential “nice guy” until he’s crossed!

Writer/Director Mark Romanek created in “Sy Parrish” a dynamic the audience could sympathize with and feel sorry for while later showing the character’s dark side that most of the audience would be frightened by… . that “we all have a dark side in us” aspect of character progression made ONE HOUR PHOTO the success that it is. “Sy” was a lonely-heart who wanted a family, wanted to “fit in” somewhere instead of just going home to his caged hamster and watching TV until bedtime, only it became too late when he realized that he had crossed a line from which there is no easy return. Ironically the character of Sy Parrish represents a new facet of (real) life for many American men in the 21st Century: living alone without a wife and kids of their own due to hypergamy and discrimination. ONE HOUR PHOTO is a must-see “Lonely-Guy” epic without equal.

HE WAS A QUIET MAN (2007)

Directed and Written by Frank Cappello
Bleiberg Entertainment

Actor Christian Slater portrays a geeky office worker whose violent fantasies about shooting his co-workers becomes all too “real” for him when someone else does it just seconds before he pulls his gun during an average work day. His co-worker “Coleman” does the shooting and Slater’s character “Bob” pulls his gun and kills the killer thus becoming a “hero” whose dynamics change much to his later chagrin. For a lonely-heart white guy living alone with his gold fish that he talks to and they talk back (that “I hear voices” psychosis thing) the end-result is a step up for him but the audience is not stupid enough to believe the promotion and adulation heaped on “Bob” is 100% real. The title alone is an exploitation rub on the cliché statement often given by neighbors of real serial killer and spree-shooters: “Oh, he was always a quiet man”. Yep, that old saying about watching out for the “quiet ones” rings true because in reality, the reverse is a sign of weakness ~ the loudest one in the room is always the weakest one in the room!

Though the center meat of this film gets fairly dull in detailing the main character’s dynamic with a paralyzed survivor of the office shooting and the inane love-interest spin with a woman who didn’t even look at the main character before the shooting suddenly coming to depend on him once she’s paralyzed is well… creepy! One thing that rings true in this topsy-turvy film with a shocker ending and daydreaming-gone-wild theme overall is that when a woman ignores you like she does in this flick, she always will! No sense in falling in love with someone who doesn’t give you the time of fucking day and killing yourself won’t make her change her mind. HE WAS A QUIET MAN is a disturbing film that reminded me a lot of AMERICAN PSYCHO only far more of a geek-fest.

RAPE~REVENGE

DESCENT (2007)

Directed by Talia Lugacy. Written by Talia Lugacy and Brian Priest
City Lights Pictures

Actress Rosario Dawson really shines up the craft of acting in this darkly dramatic role of a college student who ends up on the wrong end of a date-rape without the perpetrator being brought to justice in a Court of Law like he should have been. This is also one of those flicks that get released with both R-rating and an uncut (NC-17) version available due to its graphic content. Arguably the only film of its kind during the fist decade of the 21st Century, DESCENT takes the audience from watching the ordinary and pleasantly mundane life of a college student named Maya (Rosario Dawson) and the casual party she attends where a smooth-talking male student chats her up despite her initial resistance to his come-ons. After the party the two of them date and all seems kosher for the young budding couple as they get to the point of a make-out session alone in a dark apartment.

Then comes the first disturbing “rapina interruptus” and I have to tell you I wanted to strangle the male character through the TV screen as he restrained Maya and raped her after she told him to stop and let go of her. The film then switches gears following the rape of Maya to show the dark and depressing mood-change in the character which was portrayed perfectly dramatic and realistic by actress Rosario Dawson who gave off the chilling wounded look all too convincingly. Maya goes through the rest of her College classes and part-time jobs with a distinctively dour demeanor and “shut down” defense mechanism which is much how real rape victims might. Realistically, no human being can operate in total “lock down” mode for too long a time, and so Maya indulges late night activities at a private “club” where dancing and other darkly-covered actions occur and she meets a strange man named Adrian who is (by all indicators) a Sociopath.

When Maya sees her attacker another semester later in a class she is serving as a test proctor for, she is first stunned but gets up the nerve to not only confront him but invite him back to her place. Of course the audience gets to see more of the rapist character after that run-in with him during the College exam and he’s nothing but a jock douche-bag who isn’t even liked by his fellow jocks! By the time he gets to Maya’s place and clearly thinking she’s wants him after he raped her last semester, the douche-bag enters her place and talks his typical bullshit fully expecting to get laid without resistance this time as Maya chats it up with him, gets him to get naked for what he thinks will be a kinky sex-game but ends up with his naked ass strapped to a bed and completely at her mercy… . mercy she does not show the rapist prick! At that point, the audience is shocked with a revenge that trumps all others, and though I expected Maya to cut him up, what she has done to the rapist is far worse than an execution! DESCENT is a film that shocks but also ranks as one of the best acting performances that I have seen thus far!

DESCENT starring Rosario Dawson. (DVD box cover 2007)

SEXPLOITATION

LUST CONNECTION (2005)

Directed and Written by Jim Wynorski.
Seduction Cinema

I remember buying a DVD copy of this film in a video rental store back in 2005 simply because it starred the famous nude model Glori-Anne Gilbert who is the epitome of sexy-cute-smoking-hot and can melt a man’s heart as soon as look at him. Erotic-Thriller Director Jim Wynorski does it again with his own special brand of soft-core sex drama casting the best babes for the job and having a decent storyline one can enjoy in between the gloriously gratuitous nudity and well-choreographed sex scenes. This straight-to-video film also stars Monique Parent of 90’s Erotic-Thriller fame as well as another “hottie-with-a-body” Julie K. Smith, remembered for the men’s magazines she posed in as well as the Sidaris films she co-starred in such as THE DALLAS CONNECTION.

The main male character is cheating on his hot wife (played by Glori-Anne Gilbert) via the Internet where he meets other hotties and is having a good ol’ time having his blonde cupcake and eating another one too… . until his hot wife is murdered in their Jacuzzi!

Just so happens his late wife had an identical twin sister who shows up from out of nowhere (also played by Glori-Anne Gilbert) who has a nefarious agenda all her own and thus ushers in the seductress-angle of danger ever present in Jim Wynorski films.

Thankfully, there are several “flashback” sex scenes with the guy and his late wife that makes this film a soft-core sensation worth watching just to see Glori-Anne Gilbert in the buff and getting-it-on, not to mention a very bouncy romp on a sofa between the husband and Julie K. Smith whom he suspects might have killed his wife to have him. That sex-scene on the sofa was my favorite in the entire film, and as I’m sure you’ll agree that Julie K. Smith has a very uniquely-shaped physique that is so pleasant to watch in motion. (*Both Glori-Anne Gilbert and Julie K. Smith are among that rare breed of human female whom look better naked than with any clothing on at all!*)

Writer/Director Jim Wynorski is the master of the “Erotic-Thriller” and R-rated soft core sexploitation films from the 70s to this day, hands down! His films all possess a great cast of beautiful and talented women in femme-fatale roles that tantalize the audience along with his flare for creating a dark and ominous “mood” coupled by an eerie but appealing soundtrack that takes you from start to finish with the feeling like you were almost “there” within the film’s universe. Wynorski films such as LUST CONNECTION are the only ones of their kind that I can watch over and over because none of them are boring and all of them possess an interesting cast of characters from the sexy to the bizarre to the outrageously unbelievable… . and that there is the rub with films such as this, a two hour “world” of pure fantasy created for viewers seeking a brief escape.

TOONSPLOITATION

THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO

(2009) Directed by Rob Zombie. Written by Rob Zombie and Tom Papa
Anchor Bay Entertainment ~ Starz Media

This one-of-a-kind comedy is an animated exploitation film of the first order, combining the elements of horror films and suspense-thrillers along with parodies of past films and genres in an entertaining soup found nowhere else! Singer/Writer/Director Rob Zombie is the mastermind behind this adult-oriented animated feature film and he crafted a brilliant piece of cinema that stands as one of the most entertaining flicks I witnessed between the years 2000 and 2010! Of course, it’s a film that is meant for adults with a sense of humor as well as movie-hound fandom ~ considering the parodies of past horror and sci-fi films displayed in EL SUPERBEASTO plus the over-the-top sexual humor and cartoon nudity!

“El Superbeasto” (aka “Beasto”) is a masked wrestler, actor, and shameless self-promoter who starts off the movie casting for a porn movie he is both directing and starring in. Not bad for an exploitation film’s opening sequence. As is turns out the hero “Beasto” has been the nemesis of a lifelong nerd who has declared himself as “Dr. Satan” (devil mask and fiery subterranean lair all included) to get revenge on the entire world by finding his “unholy bride” who bears the mark of 666 on her ass and once he marries the bitch Dr. Satan will gain “all the sudsy powers of hell” (his words, not mine). Dr. Satan sends his mentally-enhanced ape named “Otto” to kidnap the woman he thinks is the one with the mark of 666 on her ass… in this case a chain-smoking, foul-mouthed stripper named “Velvet Von Black” (voiced by actress Rosario Dawson) and all hell breaks loose afterwards as horny Beasto sets out to rescue the shapely Velvet from Dr. Satan. Enlisting the help of his super-hero sister “Susie-X” (voiced by Sheri Moon Zombie) who cannot seem to keep her clothes on while using her horny robot “Murray” to kick some major ass, the cartoon character of Susie-X upstages every other one in this film with her voice and body alone, not to mention a corny but comical soundtrack backing everything up.

The strongest part of this outrageously-entertaining flick is the voice-acting that brings the characters to life from Sheri Moon Zombie and her awesome voice talent giving “Susie-X” a loveable and comical personality not soon to be forgotten, to Rosario Dawson’s voice of “Velvet Von Black” that was a hilarious parody of ghetto talk and comedian Tom Papa as “Beasto” couldn’t have been better! Writer/Director Rob Zombie has a vivid imagination that crosses all lines of entertainment as well as a keen eye for parody and homage paid to other film genres along with entertaining winks at certain serials of the distant past such as “The Phantom Creeps” and the Universal® Monsters films that any horror-film aficionado loves. Great adult entertainment, THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO is an instant classic in a category all its own and if you haven’t seen it yet, do check it out… . no disappointments for exploitation-film fans!

“THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO” (DVD box cover)

ANYONE YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO BETTER!

(2003) Produced by Shiyuuta Biwajima and Chikara Niki.
English-Version Executive Producer Shawne Kieckner
Blue Gale/ Digital Works. Critical Mass Video~2006

Japanese Animation or “Anime” as it’s called by a legion of fans is one of the most titillating forms of cartoon entertainment made mostly in Japan but elsewhere as well with the typical round head/big eyes Caucasoid style of character drawing and a more-often-than-not “adult” content. ANYONE YOU CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER! is one of the more explicit adults-only anime films produced and marketed during the first decade of the 21st Century and one with the better graphics found in the more graphic variety of Anime films out there that I have seen over the years. Cartoon porn? Sure fits the bill but the irony of such a cinematic production is that no actual flesh-n-blood human beings get laid or slapped across the ass cheeks during the making of this film, so the feminists and religious nuts can take a chill-pill and relax for once. Cartoons entertain because they are not real people, and since sexual fantasy is the storyline mantra behind adult films such as this one, why not craft an adult cartoon depicting nudity, unlikely fantasy situations, and sexual congress between the shapely, over-the-top, adult cartoon characters for the viewers to watch? It is one of the silliest plotlines I have watched in years animation-wise, this film depicting a cartoon college tutor mentoring a hot college chick whose “mom” is even hotter over their house where he is subjected to the slinky competition between the college hottie and the busty “M.I.L.F.” (mother-I’d-like-to-fuck). The animators must have had a good ol’ time doodling up these characters and seeing anime like this makes me wish I could draw that well! Have to admit some Japanese “Anime” is oftentimes over-done with skinny waif-ish characters but the ones in this film are clearly mature adults with voluptuous physiques (as you can tell on the DVD box cover) though I often wonder why Japanese animators often insist upon drawing females with short and split-over “pumpkin” hairstyles but the shapes of the animated women make up for it!

Japanese adult-animation like this film typically focuses on the characters more than the environment they are in for the obvious reasons so don’t be surprised if the house, yard, street, or trees seen in this film and others like it are not drawn as well as the main characters. If you want an awesome overall “total-environment” in Japanese Anime, I strongly suggest getting a copy of the classic feature film NINJA SCROLL.

ANYONE YOU CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER! is one of the better-quality adults-only anime films of the recent past with humorous (dubbed) dialogue considering the highly-sexualized storyline that does not cease throughout the film thus giving the viewer a cartoon observation of a sexual fantasy where the college guy gets his knob polished by both the hot female co-ed and her “mom” without consequences. And there lies the proverbial “rub” in all films of this explicit adult variety (both live-action and animated): sex without consequence! For the most part, such sexual situations as depicted in films like this one more-often-than-not result in ruined relationships, failed marriages, social-diseases, unwanted pregnancies and the green-eyed monster of jealousy rearing its head!

“Toonsploitation” this film certainly is, and its fans love every damn minute of it

ANYONE YOU CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER! (DVD box cover 2006)

“SALUTES”

After the year 2000, Exploitation films took a different avenue as reviewed in the preceding pages but still maintained their lurid, explicit, and shocking value just the same. Beginning in the year 2006 with the release of a 70s Exploitation-style “Double-Feature” aptly entitled GRINDHOUSE the stage was set for the “Salute” films honoring (and reminiscing) the filmmaking style of Exploitation past. Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino, two of Hollywood’s best Directors of their generation joined forces to create the ultimate “Homage” film double-feature which entertains in every way fans of the sub-genres expect and provided a “time warp” of sorts showing what the cheap and poorly-kept “grindhouse” films of the 1970s were like to sit and watch, complete with missing footage, grainy film shots and skips in tempo not to mention the “restricted cat” warning that used to accompany the opening sequences of 70s R-rated movies.

The first film in the “GRINDHOUSE” double-feature was PLANET TERROR, a zombie-horror flick directed by Robert Rodriguez starring the sexy Rose McGowan as well as Jeff Fahey, Michael Biehn and Bruce Willis. Zombies created by a green gas from a military experiment gone wrong, a lone-wolf hero who never misses what he shoots for, even getting the sexy go-go dancer named ‘Cherry Darling’ despite her amputated leg (which was replaced by a machine gun). Robert Rodriguez clearly has a knack for filming “gotcha” moments that improve on the entertainment and his trailer for MACHETE at the beginning of this film originally being a faux-trailer for a fake film later to become a major release and yet another “Salute” to Exploitation films. Both Rodriguez films PLANET TERROR and MACHETE are 100% pure guy-flick fun!!

The second feature film was DEATH PROOF directed by Quentin Tarantino and starred Kurt Russell, Rose McGowan, Zoë Bell, Rosario Dawson, and Traci Thoms. Just the music and open-road opening sequence of DEATH PROOF revs up the audience to pay attention to the rest of the movie (nothing beats a good “grab” at the beginning, hunh Quentin?) DEATH PROOF is basically a combo tale of a deranged stalker/killer whose weapon of choice is his “death proof” cars equipped and customized to crash without killing the driver (like real Hollywood stunt cars were often crafted) and his targets all seem to be women while they are out with friends. The first “girls night out” crew he toys with at a local bar and then he goes after them in his car as the girl-friends ride off in a car together singing to the music all drunk and high on weed… and the “Stunt man” performs a devastating head-on-collision that I will not soon forget seeing in such graphic detail on film. Getting away with the group-killing by making it look like an accident, the madman moves on to rural Tennessee where he encounters another girl-group of women friends, this time the femmes being stunt-women and crew from a movie-in-production.

The characters of “Kim” (Traci Thoms) and “Abernathy” (Rosario Dawson) are the best of the bunch in the second half of DEATH PROOF, their wise-cracking dynamic and kick-ass response to the maniac chasing them in his car make for an entertaining twist to the ending of Tarantino’s unique story here. As for the car-chase scene leading all the way up to the ending is hands down the best damn vehicle chase I’ve ever seen on film.

Variant Theatrical Poster for DEATH PROOF
©2007 Dimension Films All Rights Reserved.

Quentin Tarantino has a talent for capturing the personal quirks and mannerisms of the characters in his films, enough to make any viewers of such consciously remember the characters and “like” or “hate” them long after they’ve finished watching the movie. That my friends, is the mark of an excellent Director with his head in the ether of filmmaking!

DEATH PROOF is not only a great salute to “carsploitation” films but it also takes the audience into the character dynamics a lot of films in general do not make time for and that is why DEATH PROOF is one film I can watch over and over again, not just for the suspense, carnage, and chase scenes but also for the unique characters and their funny idiosyncrasies coupled with how they treat one another during the course of the storyline.

Matter of fact, I liked the female characters of Kim, Lee, Abernathy, and Zoë so much in the second half of DEATH PROOF that I wish Quentin Tarantino would shoot a sequel just to bring those four chicks back for another adventure!

In 2010 the theatrical release of the faux-trailer-turned-motion-picture MACHETE (written and directed by Robert Rodriquez) became the next “Salute” to Exploitation Cinema with its funny and violent tale of a Mexican Federale-turned-Vigilante known only as ‘Machete’(played by Danny Trejo) a legend in the illegal immigrant culture of the southwestern US and bane to the drug lord (played by Steven Seagal) pursued by a smoking-hot ICE Agent (played by Jessica Alba). MACHETE is a fun film to watch through and through with its “grindhouse” appeal and nod to exploitation filmmaking past along with outrageous characters and situations abound to keep you entertained in one way or another from start to finish. Danny Trejo in his first major film role as the “alpha” male character who wins the day did a bang-up job that demands a sequel.

I liked the pop-up characters as well, Rodriguez’s imagination leaning more toward shock-value and he hits the nail on the head in this flick! I remember some Cable News commentators remarking about this film being “pro-illegal immigrant” blah-blah-blah but I didn’t see it that at all because in a way the film did an “exploitation” job on the entire hot-button issue of immigration, actually lampooning both sides of the argument!

There is serious talk of two sequels to MACHETE and I think it’ll make great “guy-flick” cinema right alongside the original and as “salutes” to Exploitation films; they would keep the archetype alive in the minds of movie-goers who enjoy such politically-incorrect entertainment. 2009’s Blaxploitation film spoof BLACK DYNAMITE directed by Scott Sanders with Michael Jai White starring in the lead role (as well as credited with helping to write the story) proved that interest in Blacks-ploitation is alive and well and proved that fans of the sub-genre from the days of BLACULA and SHAFT have not left this earth just yet! Funny all the way through, BLACK DYNAMITE is a salute to Blaxploitation films of the past without apology and shows that such material is not as “offensive” to audiences as some movie-critics would claim. I always said that there is a difference between a joke and a threat… . talking about such personal topics as race and gender in a funny light should by no means be taken in the same context as talking about race and gender in a clearly hostile or personally-threatening manner. We’re all mature adults enjoying this kind of entertainment (or at least we’re supposed to be!) so thick skins are a given. I met actor Michael Jai White years ago at a Convention and he is one hell of a cool guy and an actor who is very serious about his craft. I think he should be the one considered for a “Luke Cage” movie if it ever gets green-lit.

VIGILANTE

SIN CITY (2005)

Directed by Frank Miller, Robert Rodriguez and Special Guest Director
Quentin Tarantino. Written by Frank Miller. Dimension Films.

A “noir-based” crime thriller / vigilante-themed film based on the exceptionally entertaining adult graphic novel series of the same name by Frank Miller, SIN CITY launched into theaters back in 2005 into wide critical and commercial success earning kudos for its color processing which made it a very unique “black and white” with color added to particular objects, not to mention its unique storyline that combines multiple plots and characters all rolled into one movie. As an avid comic book fan myself, I got the early Frank Miller “Sin City” graphic novels back in the 1990s and quickly found myself enamored with the “noir” style and gritty, no-apologies adult content that was long over-due in the comic book realm. When they made some of the Sin City tales into a feature film I was awestruck when I saw the characters Miller so vividly created fleshed out on the big screen, and there lies the strength of Miller’s creation here: the characters!

“Marv”, “Goldie”, “Dwight”, “Nancy”, “Roark”, “Detective Hartigan”, and “Gail” are all in the feature film as a reader of the graphic-novels would expect, and I daresay that the casting for each of these over-the-top characters was bloody perfect! This overall film is a smorgasbord based on three of Miller’s “Sin City” works: The Hard Goodbye, The Big Fat Kill, and That Yellow Bastard. “Marv” (Mickey Rourke) is a deformed brawler/vigilante who relentlessly pursues the killers of a prostitute he fell in love with while “Hartigan” (Bruce Willis) is an aging cop hell-bent on bringing to justice a rich child-rapist/killer named Roark and “Dwight” (Clive Owen) is a vigilante seeking to help the organized prostitutes of “Old Town” in their war against the Mafia and reclaiming his love affair with the sexy dominatrix “Gail” (Rosario Dawson) who happily guns down the bad guys alongside him. SIN CITY is a visual treat for any fan of ruthlessly violent shoot-em-ups of the silver screen with characters and situations far above the pale in believability but that is what makes fantasy fiction films so damn entertaining: when they do not exactly mirror real-life scenarios! The narration by the characters as each subplot unfolded added to the edgy sensation of watching this film, allowing the audience into the character’s viewpoint and feelings as each scenario progressed, truly something unique for a flick of this kind after the year 2000. One more nugget I noticed while watching this film was how the male hero characters pined for the women in their life, that old-world “true love” element rarely seen in modern tales of this stripe, a more natural romantic rapport between the men and women as opposed to the modern Hollywood penchant of denigrating healthy (straight) character love-affairs.

SIN CITY is a “world” all its own, not defined by real-world politics or current events, a sort of cinematic “alternate universe” where all the women are smoking-hot-sexy (and they actually like men!) the booze is cheap, only cool retro cars are on the highway, the cops are easy to avoid, prostitution is legal, and gunplay can be had around every corner as bad guys pop up all over the damn place… . in other words SIN CITY is the place to be for all of us movie-hounds seeking a two-hour escape from the soul draining feminist nanny-state we currently find ourselves deployed in. It has been said before that films are a fantasy “escape” and SIN CITY is the perfect masterpiece proving that point 100%.

The term I prefer to use “Guy-Flick” applies to this film from start to finish without fail, every inch of SIN CITY fits the bill from entertaining fist-fights, gun-play, gratuitous nudity, outrageous events and scenarios played out, and car chases all wrapped inside a hoagie bun served with a cold beer brought to you by a topless waitress… .

SIN CITY Theatrical “Teaser” Poster
©2005 Dimension Films. All Rights Reserved.

Ended with a Hung Jury
A Grinding Tale by Ken Knight ©2012

December 21st, 2008: The evening air was a chilly 48 degrees but perfect for a jog here in historic Fredericksburg Virginia, least for one female jogger making her way along the highway in front of a shopping center toward the Oak Hill Cemetery where she would veer off Rt. 3 and run through to reach the other side. Forecast had rain at about 40% chance after 4pm and it was no getting dark so he hoped her destination was as she was expecting it once she ran through the cemetery here into the upscale neighborhood on the other side. Ginny Simmons wasn’t running tonight as part of her workout routine no, she had a plan in action and the result waited over on Beverly Lane, one way or the other!

At 29 years of age with the body of a cheerleader and face that could easily grace the cover of any fashion magazine, Ginny Simmons was married to a Professional Basketball Player and worked as a CPA in her home state of New York. What she was doing all the way down here in Northern Virginia was something she kept private from all who knew her, for she had told her husband she was going to be in Washington D.C. for a sci-fi convention since she was a fan of such films and he knew it. She ran into the darkening cemetery at the traffic light, slowing her pace along the asphalt pathway leading through filled rows of cement headstones and grave markers she could barely see now as the nightfall swept in along with a chill wind and the hint of rain to come any moment now.

“Son-of-a-bitch… I’m coming for you Jasper… I bet you forgot all about me you damn weakling… incompetent bastard… forgot all about that fukkin’ Frat party haven’t you?!” the shapely young woman quipped out loud as she ran through the big lonely cemetery toward Westmont Avenue just ahead on the other side, having plotted her course in her car earlier. In the dark and on foot she had a better chance of escaping unseen once the deed is done. She was in good shape of course, so running was no problem for her and clad in dark sweat shirt and pants with black sneakers and her black fanny-pack around her waist, she didn’t think anyone would likely see her jog harmlessly through this upscale neighborhood both before and after she confronts her human male target at his new home over on Beverly Lane. Ginny Simmons was seeking revenge on a man who did her wrong 8 years ago now that she had finally tracked him down, here at a house she guessed he bought via a sub-prime mortgage or “interest only” loan since the place was listed at $800,000 as of this September. The housing market, stock market, and overall American economy were all tanking right now and a black Democrat just got elected to the White House she thought as she ran onto Westmont Avenue, that worthless prick Jasper Colquitt being the Manager of a local Sporting Goods Store she figured he might not be living there for long and so she decided to strike now while the iron was hot!

Running down the hill road toward Beverly Drive where she would simply hang a right onto the cul-de-sac that was Beverly Lane and there at 1705 she’d have the ass of that son-of-a-bitch Jasper Colquitt right where she wants it, Ginny got excited now and ran faster as the rain began, hoping that Jasper would be alone at home tonight. He was a
goddamn loser, not an Alpha or a Beta male but a “Goober” who broke her trust at a College Frat Party eight years ago and she wanted revenge… real goddamn revenge.

Jasper Colquitt answered the knock to his front door with grinning anticipation, opening it to find a beautiful white woman standing on his porch dressed conservatively with her hair pinned up and thin-framed eyeglasses that did not diminish a bright pair of eyes staring back at him coupled with a slinky smile. “You must be Jasper Colquitt,” the thirty-something brunette spoke gingerly to the nervous 30 year old man in the doorway.

“Yes ma’am, come on in,” Jasper said to her boyishly as he stepped back to allow the sexy visitor to enter, her visage reminding him of that rather hot chick who ran as a Vice Presidential candidate recently, and this woman smelled damn good too, a perfume he didn’t recognize but it’s scent made him want to melt right into bed with the wearer!

“My name’s Patty Lynn and I am a ‘Measurement Maven’ for the Club… we usually do not visit a prospective member’s house alone but my escort got the flu and I thought you sounded cool over the phone so I came here tonight alone… so be cool Jasper Colquitt,” the alluring brunette said softly as she faced him in the living room, hands on hips. Jasper wore only a bathrobe now, ready to be measured for membership into a very exclusive “Club” he inadvertently discovered about a year ago and finally petitioned to join.

“Okay stud… let’s see it,” Patty Lynn said gingerly as the handsome but nervous white man untied his bathrobe in front to shed the garment and stand naked before the woman.

Outside, running up the driveway as the rain fell harder now, Ginny Simmons hurried to the rear of the big brick house to make it to the sliding-glass door of the home’s bottom floor, having scoped the place out well enough yesterday. The sliding-glass door was unlocked, which was an added bonus for the wet female jogger looking to break in anyway so she entered quiet and discreet, finding the basement “pool room” lit only by the light at the stairwell around the corner with no one in sight to confront her intrusion.

She stopped at the pool table to catch her breath, unzipping the fanny-pack at the small of her back and pulling out the instrument the bag concealed: a small Beretta 21A Bobcat pistol loaded with eight rounds of .25 caliber ammo complete with a professional silencer which she was planning to use once the time was right. The tiny assassin’s pistol fit in her right hand perfectly, and Ginny got the piece from a man she met awhile back who dealt (illegally) in weapons. All it took was $500 cash and the blowjob of his life for the guy to provide this pistol and silencer to Ginny as well as show her how to use the damn thing.

She made her way to the wooden stairs and wondered if the steps might “creak” as she walked up them. Carefully negotiating the steps to the top, silencer-equipped pistol in her right hand as rainwater dripped from her jogging suit to the wooden steps below, Ginny crept around the top corner of the steps as she heard and sensed human occupation near.

“Okay… . that’s it, get it to full-mast there Jasper, that-a-boy,” spoke a woman’s voice coming from inside the living room on the other side of the dining room where the intruder sought to peek around the corner of. She finally got a sight of who was in the living room, seeing that Jasper was not alone in the house tonight and the two of them were doing something weird in there where they stood. Ginny angled her sight picture to finally see what the hell was going on in the living room and she couldn’t believe it… .

An attractive, busty brunette stood there in her lace bra and panties with totally-naked Jasper Colquitt standing in front of her, measuring his erection with measuring-tape!

“Hmmm… almost, wow… just shy of eight it looks like,” the busty brunette said as she retracted the measuring tape from the man’s stiff dick, shaking her head.

“Wait… wait… not fully-hard yet… . gimme a sec,” Jasper said in retort, stroking his member suddenly and standing up straighter for her to measure him again. Ginny couldn’t believe what she was seeing, guessing it must be a sex-game going on.

“One more time,” the busty brunette said with a smirk at Jasper, taking her measuring-tape to his erection again to measure its length. Ginny saw the woman bend forward top get a better look at the man’s boner and the tape measure inch marks to see clearer.

“Okay, there it is… exactly eight inches long you are… not a centimeter more or less,” Patty Lynn said sweetly as she stood up straight and smiled at the naked candidate for membership, touching his erection with her right hand like a “handshake” of sorts.

Jasper breathed a sigh of relief as he stood there hard enough to cut diamonds and relieved to have met the final requirement for membership in “The Hung Jury”, an exclusive social club of swinging adults whose male members each measure 8-inches or more at full-erection. The Club didn’t often admit single male members since most of the membership are married couples, but with numbers low in the area, the D.C. Chapter of “The Hung Jury” decided to temporarily open the rolls to single male petitioners and that was how Jasper found them, that and a discreet add placed in a “swinger’s” magazine which he subscribed to (despite not being married himself).

“You are hereby invited to your first party at the mansion I mentioned earlier, tomorrow night at seven o’clock… and bring your initiation fee of one thousand dollars along with your horny self because you’ll be expected to show the female members at the party that you can use that tool of yours Jasper,” Patty Lynn spoke gingerly to the naked man as she stepped around him, not knowing a pistol was being aimed at both of them right now.

“No problem Patty, I’ll be there at seven sharp… thousand dollar initiation fee and ready to party… . count me in, and it’s the big mansion up in McLean, over on Frisbee Avenue?” he chimed proudly as she touched his backside in admiration of his physical fitness.

“Yep, that’s the place… . you know the area hunh?” she snickered as she shed her lace bra and panties where she stood, deciding to try out this new member herself here and now!

“Don’t disappoint me or I’ll chop it off,” she cooed as she turned him around into her for a kiss, her hands around to squeeze his ass cheeks while the armed intruder watched and listened, seeing Jasper and the hot brunette begin foreplay right there in his living room.

Ginny sank back to the stairwell out of their sight, sitting down on the second-to-top step and looked at the silencer-equipped pistol in her hands, thinking about the plan to come here tonight and confront her male nemesis then shoot him between the balls. He was measured by some slut who made sure he had least an 8-incher between his legs who then invites him to some party up in Fairfax County with a $1,000 cover charge… . she could not believe what she just witnessed and heard, re-thinking her overall plan for revenge.

She looked around the corner again and saw Jasper over on his big white sofa with the well-built brunette now riding on his big dick “cowgirl” style and voicing her approval.

Ginny watched them go-at-it like that for a minute or more, re-formulating her plan as she watched the sex in progress, wondering if he had also been required to submit a blood-test since he was doing that bitch without a condom from what she could tell.

“OOOAAHH… . ME LIKEY… . OOOHH-MEEE-LIKEY… MEE… LIKEY!” the busty brunette yelped out in orgasmic delight as she rode on Jasper in bouncy intercourse.

Ginny almost laughed as she watched, but she quietly ventured back downstairs to leave the two to continue their tryst up there in the living room, remembering what was said about tomorrow night’s party and the location. Ginny exited the house on Beverly Lane
the same way she had entered it and ran into the rain to escape detection as anything but a lone jogger out running in the rain, something that happens a lot around here with joggers and bicyclists. Ginny ran full-bore through the rain up Beverly Drive back toward the cemetery which was the one mile marker for the location of her motel where she was staying. Once she made it back into the dark cemetery she slowed down and noticed that the rain was tapering off right now so she was in no hurry, her mind awash with ideas of what to do next and how to go about it. The location of the house where the “party” was going to be might prove a little difficult to find considering the scant instructions that bitch gave Jasper back there but she could (and would) find it regardless. Crossing the cemetery toward the other side where the road leading into Idlewild subdivision ran alongside the graveyard, Ginny could see a human figure standing just in the street light, someone who’d likely spot her if she steps out from the dark cemetery any further she thought, but she was wrong… . the man wearing clothes too thin for this weather did spot her silhouette in the cemetery, so she was fingered when she hadn’t expected to be.

Still, some surprises to have a silver lining, for the man walking alone in the street light of the road leading up past the old cemetery was obviously a street bum, a panhandler, one of those dirty, grizzly types who beg for spare change through rotted teeth at you in shopping centers and hold “homeless~please help” cardboard signs at intersections for do-gooder liberal assholes to give them money. Ginny stopped in the dark next to a high headstone and the bum walked toward the cemetery perimeter, curious as to who she was and clearly going to ask her for something, likely thinking he could intimidate her.

Ginny pulled her silencer-equipped Beretta pistol from her fanny-pack and held it down by her right thigh as she backed up a dozen paces, the bum seeing her silhouette in retreat and thus getting the impression she was afraid of him and that she was a woman alone.

“Hey honey… . hey… . you gotta few dolluhs you cud give me… . hey honey, how ’bout it hunh, some spare change for a vetrunn?” the bum spoke out in his obviously intoxicated tone, laughing slightly as he ventured into the dark cemetery where only shadows could be seen and the woman stopped on the asphalt just 20 feet ahead of him.

Ginny wanted to use her weapon tonight but she chose not to back at Jasper’s place, so now was another opportunity, and the target was certainly not a sympathetic one by any means. Street bums like this are a nuisance and more-often-than-not criminals in one way or the other. This beggar was approaching her alone after dark in a rainy cemetery, clearly not to give her a warm welcome that was for sure. She raised her gun hand and despite not seeing her front sight clearly in the darkness she squeezed off two rounds rapidly, seeing the bum twitch left suddenly, uttering a slight verbal reaction before she fired again, this time with her small pistol in both hands, again and again until the pistol was empty. Seven of the eight .25 caliber bullets hit the bum in the torso, and he fell like a sack of potatoes over a grave directly behind him, letting out a groaning sound of agony as he lay dying. All 8 rounds fired didn’t give off much more than the clicking sound of a typewriter at work, the silencer truly a professionally-made one like she had paid for.

The bum was dead as a doornail slumped over someone else’s grave and she killed him just for verbally accosting her in this dark cemetery, and it felt good! She stepped over to the dead bum slowly as she re-holstered her tiny pistol, looking around for anyone else.

“Thanks asshole, you let me test my new silencer and as you just found out… it works!” Ginny spoke to the slain bum with a giggle then casually jogged out of the cemetery.

McLean, Virginia. 7:05pm the next night: Talk about a big house… . the “mansion” mentioned to Jasper Colquitt by the “measurement maven” Patty Lynn was putting it gently. It was a 10-bedroom, 5 baths, two kitchens and two living room interiors on three floors surrounded by a gate to rival the ones at a military base not to mention an indoor pool enclosed from the outside, a fortress if there ever was one! He knew some of the most wealthy and famous individuals on the east coast lived in McLean, but whoever owned this piece of paradise had to be loaded to the gills with money and assets, Jasper already feeling out of place despite the $2,000 suit he bought using a credit card and the $1,000 cash he brought to cement his membership in “The Hung Jury” given to the guy at the door as his initiation-fee, again money he did not have. Jasper didn’t get laid too often, last night’s romp with Patty Lynn a welcome reprieve from what was fast becoming involuntary-celibacy for him. He wanted casual sex without having to be “owned” by a woman, without the consequences of screwing someone who has an opposing agenda from yours and therefore getting sucked into the modern woman’s world of deceit and eventual betrayals all because he wanted a piece of ass now and then.

Numerous others were in the mansion right now as he walked around the first floor, seeing some of them young, some old, some attractive, some not, even a midget couple were in attendance, yes a pair of dwarves wearing only t-shirts and walking around happily with mixed drinks in their tiny hands. All adults but all “freaks” in the sense they were there for a sex party, plain and simple, with Jasper Colquitt along for the ride.

“There you are new-guy… and over-dressed as most new members tend to be on their first night on the Hung Jury,” spoke up the familiar voice of Patty Lynn as she came down a winding staircase clad in a jeweled string-bikini and stiletto heels on her feet, her dark hair down and styled well with her gorgeous face alive with smiles aimed at him.

“Patty, hey girl… . dress for success,” Jasper chuckled with arms out for a hug from her.

“Mmmhh… . get out of that monkey-suit and I’ll show you around, introduce you to some of the other members before dinner,” she said in his ear as he looked past her head to see a couple of other male members walk out from door across the room totally naked except for a colored scarf around each man’s neck, both of the men very well-hung of course.

7:30pm: Infiltrating the party was easy enough, for all she had to do was pose as one of the “caterers” coming in the same time the food was being dropped off. Looking good had its benefits, one of them being no questions asked when she enters a house where a clandestine sex party is due to take place. Men are such schmucks, she told herself as she left the kitchen delivery dock out back to stroll right on inside through another unlocked door, past a uniformed black male servant who was likely a cook or butler she guessed and he didn’t question her, only grinning hawkishly at the shapely white chick and casually assuming her to be just another piece of the “fare” upstairs tonight. She made her way up into the more pleasant ramparts of the mansion without any resistance, far enough to shed her coat and stroll into the party in her thin mini-dress that barely covered her ass when she walked, the kind of outfit that was purposely a size too small, her brown hair down and wavy-styled instead of in a ponytail as she normally wore it. Ginny didn’t see Jasper Colquitt anywhere amongst the other party guests, half of them naked or near-naked by now, swingers all of them and all the men she walked past had one thing in common: kielbasa-sized weenies! She couldn’t believe this, a house full of well-endowed men whom all have money to burn… . and here she was ready to shoot the one of them she knows from her past and the police would likely focus on these other guests as suspects!

Freaks and Geeks, but even the shortest, skinniest, and “fugliest” of the members of “The Hung Jury” all had that one thing in common, and as Jasper Colquitt now walked around naked except for the yellow scarf around his neck being introduced to them all by the shapely brunette named Patty Lynn whose body he enjoyed last night at his place, he marveled at the fact he had been accepted by this exclusive club. He’d been accepted into a small fraternity whom indulged sex without consequence with women members whom all prefer big penises (and bigger bank accounts!). Of all the opportunities lost in his life so far he relished this one being a “win” all because of his larger-than-average appendage and the credit card advances he was eating to pay the entry fees and pretend to have more money than he actually does after all, managing a Sporting Goods store was not exactly a windfall! Walking over to the food table he popped some grapes into his mouth while the naked Patty Lynn got busy talking with another male member, one of her “favorites” as she called the guy, leaving Jasper to his own vices inside the sprawling mansion now.

Jasper ventured into a narrow hallway away from the dining room and found himself in a succession of small bedrooms without windows, strange but understandable since the owner of this place was a “swinger” and all. He stepped to the heart-shaped bed in the room he stopped in, seeing his reflection in a mirror over on one wall, having to laugh at the fact he wasn’t used to casually walking around naked in a stranger’s home like this!

“There you are…,” came a female voice from behind him all of a sudden, making him turn around to find a rather attractive young woman about his age or so, clad in a tight fitting mini-dress as she stood at door while closing it behind her. He’d have greeted her more cordially if she didn’t have what looked like a very real pistol in her right hand held at hip-level toward him and at that moment he hoped that this was some sort of “game”.

“Who are you… wow… . little gun?” he managed to say, thinking it might be just “play”.

“My name is Ginny and I don’t suppose you remember me you asshole,” she spoke as she raised the silencer-equipped .25 caliber pistol to properly aim at him now.

“Ginny… how do you know me… and is that a real gun?” Jasper quipped in realization.

“Well if I shoot you between the balls, you’ll find out that it’s real Jasper Colquitt,” she sneered as she stood still with tiny pistol in both hands, smirking at him in contempt.

“Shut tha fuck up and listen to me… eight years ago at a Frat party on campus of the University we both attended, you did something that I have not been able to forget since, and here I find you at a sex party of rich donkey-dicks about to get yours real wet with complete strangers, a golden opportunity for me to get my revenge,” Ginny spoke next.

“I don’t recall… the Frat party eight years ago… . hey, whatever you think, I didn’t rape you or anyone else, everything was consensual… . I mean yeah, you might have been a little drunk or high on weed, we all were, but I didn’t rape you or anyone else!” Jasper retorted with his hands up suddenly in realization of what he thought was her reason.

“Nope, wrong motherfucker… you didn’t rape me or anyone else that night because I was there at your stupid Frat party intentionally fulfilling a fantasy of mine, one I still have not experienced completely, and it was you who screwed it all up!” she quipped angrily.

“Uhh-fantasy?!” Jasper asked in surprise, relieved this was not a rape allegation at least.

“Yes, you asshole… . I wanted to be indulged by four or more men, one right after the other, nice and gentle like… . and I was getting it that night around eleven o’clock, everything was going as I wanted until it was your turn… . you were the fourth man on deck and what did you do besides fail to get-it-up… you puked all over me and ruined what I was enjoying so much?!” Ginny explained to the stunned and frightened Jasper.

He remembered now, and he was intoxicated that night to the point he couldn’t get an erection to take his turn on the “train” this hot chick was begging for at the Frat party eight years ago, so drunk he was that when he moved up behind her while she positioned herself on all-fours, that he vomited all over her and ended the “train” for everyone, especially this chick because her fantasy-fulfillment was over and ruined.

“It’s not like one can get a sexual fantasy like that fulfilled so easily once College is over and everyone goes on with domestic life, so I blame you Jasper Colquitt, I blame you for being the fukkin’ loser who ruined my train fantasy back then and subsequently represent every failure I’ve experienced ever since because… . well, my life would be cheery-aces if I had just done one thing the way I wanted to have it done back then, that very night!” she quipped in anger, her weapon shaking slightly in hand as she aimed it at the naked man.

“Wait… . you’re going to kill me now because I didn’t screw you eight years ago?” Jasper fired back with hands out as he stepped backwards toward the heart-shaped bed, slowly.

“Precisely you stupid asshole… it may sound fiendish at first but I decided to strike at the representative of every disappointment I’d had in my life so far, and you came to mind as the perfect representative of my failures Jasper Colquitt… because you failed to finish me off eight years ago when I was having the sexual time of my life!” Ginny quipped with a sinister grin at the man she had right where she wanted him. The door behind her opened abruptly just then, striking her in back with enough force to stumble her forward, pistol falling from her right hand to the floor to bounce harmlessly away from her as she struggled to not fall down. Jasper took the advantage of the moment, not staying there long enough to even see the man coming through the bedroom’s door bumping into his assailant; he bolted out the other door on the other side of the small bedroom to escape.

“Whoah, hey baby… sorry about that, you okay?” asked the muscular black man who opened the door and damn near knocked her over, now pulling her up straight by her hands and up close to him. “It’s okay, okay…,” Ginny stammered as she looked for her dropped pistol at the moment, long enough for the bald, buff, black dude to pull her closer and get her full attention, the gun she dropped across the room against the wall.

“You’re new in the stable I see,” he said as she looked up at his grinning face then glanced down to see he was naked and at full-mast with his intentions quite clear!

“Uh, yeeeaah… I’m new… . name’s Ginny, and my guy just took off… ya see we’re doing a role-play where I’m an assassin and he’s my target…,” she spoke gingerly as the man held her arms gently, his tool nearly reaching her abdomen as she stood up to him close.

“Role-playing is fun… consider us his ‘bodyguards’ and now you gotta get through all of us to get to your target,” the naked black man said softly to her, then she noticed three well-built naked white men walking up behind him now, all of them club members who took for granted that she was a female member of “The Hung Jury” who was naturally more than willing to participate in gang-bang sex here at the party tonight!

“Uhhmm… . okay, fuck it… . why not?” she chimed in the sudden arousal that was hers now that she faced four men who would do to her what she had come here tonight to kill a man for not fulfilling eight years before. The irony was not lost on her as she was summarily relieved of her mini-dress and scooped up in the arms of the guy who barged in on her just before she could commit murder and carried off to another room.

Jasper ran through three sets of doors and down another narrow hallway to a larger door which he found unlocked and stepped through it to fall… . right into a pool of water as if he suddenly had the rug pulled out from under him, splashing in and going under.

Jasper swam up and broke the surface of the water, his toes touching the bottom barely so he guessed the water to be about six feet deep at least, his vision clearing to find himself in a small indoor pool with a surrounding cement deck all around and a familiar female face staring back at him from one ledge… thankfully it was not the bitch who pulled a gun on him only a minute ago, but the lovely Patty Lynn herself!

“Hey big stud… see you made it through… I just knew you’d find your way through the inner-sanctum of the mansion here, the strictly ‘members only’ portion of the house,” the busty brunette spoke gingerly to him as she placed a Collins glass filled with a mixed drink of some sort on the ledge of the pool for him and stepped back to where a deck chair and a large TV was located. Jasper swam to the ledge and picked up the glass of what he assumed to be a “sex-on-the-beach” mixed drink by the way it looked, eyes on the naked physique of Patty Lynn as she took her seat smiling at him, picking up a remote controller to engage the TV set, turning it on while he stood wading in the pool water.

The water was unusually warm for a pool he thought, almost bath-water temperature!

“Why don’t you join me Patty, water’s real warm?” he spoke up at her then took the first sip of the mixed drink she placed on the deck for him to take, enjoying its tangy flavor.

“Oh I will enjoy you soon enough big stud, don’t worry… . you just relax and enjoy your drink,” she replied as he waded in the warm water sipping on his mixed drink watching her intently as she engaged the TV screen, channel-surfing on Cable TV at first.

“What kinds of movies do you like Jasper?” Patty asked him with a slinky smirk. Part of him wanted to alert her to the fact a woman just pulled a gun on him minutes ago back in one of the bedrooms and he wondered if that little bitch might keep coming after him or was she spooked by the big nigger who barged in through the door and saved his ass from getting a bullet hole put in it? Jasper didn’t say anything to Patty Lynn right now, not wanting to spoil the leisurely sexual mood between them at this moment, hoping that the chick from his college past would have bailed by now and he’d face her later, elsewhere!

“Oh, I like action movies… . sports movies,” he answered her truthfully as she surfed the satellite-TV channels, seeing one in particular on tonight which fit his brand mentioned.

“Like the movie ‘He Got Game’?” she asked as she left that channel on for a moment, letting him see a minute or so of it in progress as he waded in the warm water of the pool.

“Yeah, that’s a good one!” he said in agreement, then downed more of his mixed drink.

“I like the ‘sportsploitation’ films as well, not to mention the Tarantino flicks, but I also like the erotic-thriller movies of the nineteen-nineties… . they don’t make’em like that anymore these days unfortunately,” Patty Lynn said matter-of-factly then sipped on her own drink, what looked like a Martini from where Jasper was. Patty Lynn then switched to a live-feed closed circuit channel being fed from inside the mansion here, and watched Jasper’s reaction to what was now displayed on the 57” TV screen here by the pool.

“Here we have some local action,” she chimed impishly as she watched the “threesome” sex scene on the TV set along with the suddenly curious Jasper Colquitt who swam to the pool’s ledge for a closer look at the TV. A naked female adult on all fours with a muscular white male kneeling in front while she polished his knob in fellatio and a muscular black man behind her drilling her in doggie-style intercourse, he first thought it was a porno flick but it was real and in one of the bedrooms like the one he ran out of a couple minutes ago! Despite being a sex-sandwich between the two men, the young woman giving it up was recognizable to Jasper alright, it was her… . the chick who pulled a gun on him a few minutes ago back in that one bedroom squawking about how he
ruined her sexual fantasy 8 years ago and threatened to kill him over it! Now she was getting it at both ends from two male members of “The Hung Jury” somewhere else in this mansion right now and he was watching the sex via closed-circuit TV here with the sexiest bitch in three states, Patty Lynn. Jasper couldn’t believe it, but he felt better now.

“Wow, you record the romps here in the mansion?” he asked Patty with a chuckle.

“Not really, just live-feed it for entertainment at the moment,” she answered laughing.

“They’re really givin’ it to her,” he laughed as he watched the live threesome continue on that TV screen before Patty changed the channel again, turning to look at him intently.

“Did you two know each other Jasper?” she asked him casually with a slinky gaze.

“Not really, we went to college together but I know she likes gang-bangs,” he snickered.

“Well she’s definitely getting that here tonight… . how are you feeling there Jasper?” Patty Lynn asked him as she watched him place his empty Collins glass down now.

“Mmmhh… good, a little tired but good…,” he sighed as he waded back toward the center of the small indoor pool, eyes on her bare bod as she stood back up, hands on her hips.

“Tired is good for you Jasper, believe me… . keep getting tired and that way you won’t feel a thing,” she said gingerly as she stepped nearer the pool, looking at the naked man wading in the slowly-heating water and feeling more and more fatigued as time ticked by.

“Come on in and lets do it,” he sighed with a sleepy expression up at her, his arms and legs feeling more and more fatigued which he felt strange since he had plenty of sleep last night and didn’t do much today, sensing that it wasn’t right to feel this way.

“We did that at your place last night big stud… . oh by-the-way, the Hung Jury Council just passed a new By-Law this afternoon stating that the minimum requirement for male members of the Club is now any length over eight inches, and since yours reaches exactly eight inches in length, you’re a centimeter shy of the new requirement Jasper,” Patty Lynn spoke eloquently as she stood poolside with hands on hips facing him.

“What… . hunh… you mean you tested and passed me and I’m not a member after all?” he quipped sleepily as she treaded water in the middle of the pool feeling suddenly vexed.

“Sorry, but no… . and I just got the memo tonight,” Patty said with a shrug and “oh well” gesture of hands, turning on one foot to walk around the pool now, eyes still on him.

“So I guess I gotta leave hunh… . before the big dinner?” he asked, feeling the water increase in temperature now, warmer to about hot-tub level he thought.

“Oh no Jasper, you’re definitely staying for dinner big stud, don’t worry… . we’re having our annual Christmas pig roast and you’re the guest of honor,” Patty said matter-of-factly as she circled the in-floor pool smiling at him as he bobbed in the warming pool water, feeling feint now to the point he wanted to reach for the ledge for fear of falling asleep.

“Just let the drink take its course… . that stuff is excellent knock-out juice,” she said next.

It was then that it hit him, the drink she gave him a minute ago was a “roofie” of some kind, making him feel tired and wanting to pass out. He tried to make his way to the pool’s ledge but couldn’t, barely able to stand on his tip-toes in the heating-up water, the warmth making him feel all the more sleepy as he tried to regain stability but couldn’t.

“You came at the perfect time honey, our annual holiday sex party and pig roast… it’s true you were screwed out of full-membership by the sudden change in our by-laws but hey, you do fit the requirement for the pig roast, being that you are the only non-member here tonight,” she continued with a slinky grin as she stood watching him.

“Whhaaat… . rrrr… yuuuuhh… . saaayin’?” Jasper grumbled in slurred speech up at her as he fought to stay afloat with head above the heating water, shocked by this turn of events.

“Like I said… . you’re definitely staying for dinner big stud, our annual Christmas pig roast is the most anticipated event of the year for our membership, and this year… you are the pig!” Patty Lynn said with giddy enthusiasm, seeing the water around the naked man begin to simmer now, its temperature increasing with each passing second. She watched as he passed out finally and went under water, which was good for him considering the pool was now becoming the boiling pot with him boiling in it like a fresh chicken.

“So long Jasper, and now I and the other members are going to enjoy a fabulous roast thanks to you… if you only knew the delicious taste of cooked human flesh you would understand why,” Patty Lynn said to the dying man in the boiling pool water then she walked back over to her deck chair and the TV set, turning back to the live-feed from the bedroom where that chick named Ginny was happily getting hammered by four members of The Hung Jury, deciding that she would grant her a membership just to keep her mouth shut about having seen Jasper Colquitt here tonight. Something told Patty by the way Ginny was indulging the four guys in that room right now; she won’t snitch a word to the cops or anyone else when Jasper Colquitt becomes a “missing person” soon.

The pool was bubbling in boiling ferocity minutes later, slow-cooking the naked body of the late Jasper Colquitt before he will be fished out and flopped onto the custom “grill” over in the next inner chamber of the mansion here where he will be grilled for tonight’s grand dinner once all the members have finished screwing their brains loose in the bedrooms. Patty Lynn smiled as she sat there watching the new chick Ginny with the four men on the TV screen thanks to the closed-circuit camera, relishing this annual event she has spent with her friends here for the past five years, something she wouldn’t miss for the world. Patty did know that it could very well be her ass in that custom “cooking” pool where Jasper’s now floated, because the “pig” each year is decided by vote of the tenured members, this year the vote calling for a non-member to be cooked, thus the convenient decision by Patty Lynn to roast Jasper Colquitt after the Council changed the By-Laws just this morning! If he hadn’t shown up tonight, one of the members would have had to go out and find some lonely person, male or female, to coax back here.

Patty sat there and began to wonder how many of the other members of this exclusive club might want to dine upon HER in the near future? Thing of it was, with cameras in every room recording everything that goes on, it wasn’t like she could go running to the cops for protection when (and if ) it becomes her time to be the “pig”, considering she is on videotape killing a man last year in the exact same manner she just killed this one.

“If you only knew the delicious taste of cooked human flesh you would understand why,”

Patty said out loud to no one this time as she sat there naked in the chair facing the big-screen TV set, grinning as she channel-surfed some more.

(The End)

INTERVIEWS AND BONUS COMMENTARY

“BUFF ENOUGH FOR YOU!”
An exclusive interview with Professional Wrestler, Model,
Pin-Up Girl, and Movie-Buff APRIL HUNTER

KEN: April, you’re famous for Professional Modeling (Playboy® included) and Wrestling. Which is your favorite of the two gigs and why?

APRIL: I like both for very different reasons. With centerfold modeling, I adore dressing up. But since North America is the only place where breasts are still taboo, I don’t get to leave the USA often for modeling gigs. Thankfully, wrestling allows me to see the rest of the world. I love traveling . . . especially if someone else is covering the flight costs!

KEN: I understand you’re a Movie Fan, so which film “genre” (horror, suspense, etc) do you prefer?

APRIL: I think I’m mostly into thrillers and dramas. Getting sucked into a great story is very therapeutic. It makes me forget everything except the story I’m being told and is a kind of brain vacation.

KEN: Explain what kind of film would you prefer to be cast in if you had the chance?

APRIL: Action or suspense—all the way!

KEN: Would you do nudity in an R-rated movie?

APRIL: Sure, if it fits the story . . . and the pay is right!

KEN: How do you feel about “political-correctness” in Hollywood films these days?

APRIL: It’s the reason I watch more foreign & independent movies than ever. They lose their edge when go non-offensive. I think adults are capable of making their own decisions on what to watch. Movies and books are where you should be able to tell the REAL story . . . not sugar coat issues.

KEN: Do you watch Sports or Movies the most?

APRIL: Movies. Sports generally bore me unless it’s MMA or hockey.

KEN: What are your three favorite “Exploitation” type of films?

APRIL: I don’t watch much of those, although “Black Dynamite” was pretty awesome.

KEN: Do you see movies as “fantasy escapism” (like I do) that entertain and maybe even provide a sort of “therapy” for the viewer?

APRIL: Ah, see . . . we are SO on the same page.

KEN: Having posed nude for Playboy® in the past, how do you feel about female nudity portrayed in movies? Do you think it is a bonus or unnecessary?

APRIL: Depends on how it’s done. Most of the time in good movies any nudity seems relevant to the story. I’m fine with male nudity if it’s relevant, also.

KEN: Since Physical Fitness is a major part of your life and business April, do you think that perhaps physically-fit actors and actresses might “inspire” movie-goers to get into better shape themselves?

APRIL: Yes! I have a pet peeve with Hollywood hiring actors and actresses in action roles or as comic book characters who don’t actually look the part. It’s annoying . . . and not believable. Plus personally, I think strong is sexy. If The Terminator were recast today, he’d likely be some skinny guy enhanced with CG. Ugh!

KEN: Tell us what you’ve got “going on” for 2011 and beyond April Hunter and if we’re going to see more of your ass-kicking activity out there?

APRIL: I have lots going on and my schedule may be bringing me to YOUR town soon! If you want to see more of me, check out my sites www.AprilHunter.com & www.AprilHunterPPV.com or follow me on Twitter/AprilHunter!

APRIL HUNTER
(Photo used with permission~ All Rights Reserved)

Get to know Awesome April!

WWW.APRILHUNTER.COM

“Don’t Hate the Player… .
Hate the Movie!”
An Exclusive Interview with Author and Satirist Todd Wooten

KEN: Todd, what possessed you to write such a book with the attention-grabbing title of “White Men Can’t Hump (as well as Black men can)”?

TODD: During the summer of 2005 I was recovering from triceps surgery on both arms. In an effort to spend time with my two teenage sons I decided we’d watch a movie or documentary every night. Personally I prefer documentaries, but to avoid a mutiny I knew I had to mix things up by showing some good movies. The problem was, other than a love for video games, my two sons are polar opposites, especially when it comes to preference in movies. My oldest son loves action films and my youngest son loves anything with nude women in it, so the fun began!

I have an extensive movie collection so each night I would let my sons take turns picking a movie. My oldest would pick a James Bond or war flick and my youngest son would choose “9 ½ weeks” or “Baby Boy”. I found myself vetoing my youngest son’s picks and he complained about his older brother picking violent movies which is just as bad a nudity so I decided to pick the flicks and find a happy medium. I thought comedy was the way to go but comedy flicks opened up a whole new can of worms. Every one I picked featured a black penis joke such as “Me, Myself, and Irene”, “Blazing Saddles”, “Undercover Brother”, “Soul Man” etc. etc. The problem is, my sons are bi-racial, their mother is White and I am Black. Each time one of those jokes came across the screen I instantly felt uncomfortable because I knew they were too young (at the time) to fully comprehend those jokes and the historical role “fear of the black penis” has played in American race relations. Even though I had seen these movies many times in the past I really didn’t pay much attention to the penis jokes as I’d heard most of them before.

This time the jokes hit home both literally and figuratively, because I could see the confusion in my young son’s eyes. We briefly discussed some of the jokes and comments from these movies but I knew I needed more info to help them grasp the complexities of racial and sexual stereotypes. Seeing as how my arm surgeries would require a full year of rehab, I decided to write a book. I had thought about writing a book on stereotypes after the absurd Clarence Thomas Supreme Court hearings but not until I retired. My newly found free time would allow me to address this topic now. I decided to approach the subject of racial and sexual stereotypes from a historical perspective and connect the dots, show how these stereotypes affect pop culture and also affect the way we see and treat each other. My research took me all over the place: Hollywood, slavery, crime, drugs, immigration, and pop culture as a whole. The book kept growing and branching out and evolved into much more than an examination on stereotypes. It evolved into an examination of race relations, especially interracial relationships and the violent opposition to such relationships! Below is a few key historical events that shaped many aspects of my book. These events are a reflection of attitudes past, but still impact race relations and attitudes today:

JIM CROW LAWS: Served solely to keep Black men out of social settings with White Women (i.e. schools, pools, theaters, and lunch counters)

LYNCHING AND CASTRATION: They couldn’t just shoot a Black man or hang him so they removed his genitals (regardless of what the supposed offense was).

THE TUSKEGEE EXPERIMENT: U.S. Govt. doctors lied to Black men with syphilis and told them they were receiving treatment for the disease. The truth is, they were receiving a placebo and were actually being observed like lab rats, allowed to spread the disease to Black women.

THE CRIMINALIZATION OF MARIJUANA: America’s first “Drug Czar” Harry Anslinger, told Congress that pot caused White Women to enjoy Jazz music and fornicate with Negroes.

ANTI-MISCEGENATION LAWS: These were laws created specifically for Black men introduced in nearly every state and passed in over 30 states. None of these laws ever applied to White men, and never stopped White men from creating Mulatto babies with Black women (i.e. Strom Thurmond’s political career should’ve ended before it ever began!) And ironically, it took the US Supreme Court to rule these laws unconstitutional in 1967 (well within my lifetime) in the case of Loving v. Virginia when Richard Loving, a White man, married a Black woman. As for the title of my book, it has multiple meanings. First of all, I thought I was a genius when I came up with the title, but I found out that a porn movie had used the title a decade earlier, It’s obviously a spin-off title from the movie “White Men Can’t Jump” (which I found offensive but the general public does not). I wanted a title that would be timeless as well as eye-catching and shocking, a title that oozed satire and a title that challenged people to overcome their initial impression based solely on skin color. My dilemma was how to make this book appeal to the people who “need” to read it the ones who can’t overcome their initial impression, especially when based on skin color. I figured I could either sugar-coat my findings or I could throw political-correctness out the window and talk like most of us do when we’re in our private comfort zone. Conservatives like Ann Coulter and Liberals like Al Franken have made millions by being blunt that people take offense to much of the content in their books. I tried to follow their model but what I found is that race and sex are far more potent than politics!

Just the title and cover alone touched a nerve that truly offended a lot of people both Black and White, What I’ve come to realize is that “who” tells the joke can be more important than the joke itself, in many ways all I did was echo Hollywood; after all, I’ve always said art imitates life!

KEN: You mention movies both of the mainstream variety and X-rated in your book, so do you see how cinema (and “sinema”) both reflect and sometimes deflect social phobias of the time period portrayed?

TODD: I believe that life does indeed imitate art and vice versa, especially when it comes to social phobias and racial and/or sexual stereotypes. The two feed off of each other. Example: Life told us that a certain group of people have large sexual organs. That info could be based on nothing more than “old wives tales” or rumors, but regardless of where or how it originated, it stuck. Then it’s disseminated for centuries via person to person or ink to paper. Then, low and behold the age of filmmaking comes along and BAM! Now suddenly we have visual images to reinforce said stereotype. The stereotype is then given a new life. It is somewhat confirmed in the minds of those who’ve heard it
before. It miseducates those who’ve never heard it at all. It can persuade those who were on the fence. Life created this stereotype and it influenced a particular piece of art, keeps it alive, reinforces it, and regurgitates it to the masses.

KEN: With regards to what we now refer to as “Blacksploitation” films of the 1960s and 70’s, what are your favorites and why?

TODD: I liked all of them because they were truly unique. It was rare to see Black folks on TV or in movies, so to see a movie with a predominantly Black cast was stunning back then. Most of the movies followed the same formula regardless if the lead character was male or female. Pam Grier kicked as much ass as Fred Williamson. It was also rare to see Blacks portraying characters who are strong, confident, and in charge. Even if the person was a drug dealer like Ron O’Neal in “Super Fly” it was such an anomaly to see a Black guy 1) Live through the entire movie 2) winn all his fights 3) Stick it to “The Man” (i.e. White man) 4) Get the girl at the end of the movie! These rare factors explain why these films became so important to Black movie-goers. Critics hated them but one of the points critics missed was that these movies also provided work for Black actors and directors; work that otherwise would not have existed at the time.

The negative images the critics deplored were going to be seen regardless, if not on the “big screen” then certainly on the evening news! These movies did indeed glamorize many negative e stereotypes but they did so in a way White-produced movies did not. White-produced movies assigned racial and sexual stereotypes in a manner that often seemed degrading. Blacksploitaion movies presented these stereotypes with context and therefore didn’t create caricatures of an entire race of people.

KEN: Do you regard “Blacksploitation” films as degrading as many liberal film critics do or do you see them from another angle?

TODD: There is quite often an element of truth to most stereotypes. Critics point to certain stereotypes and images then cry foul. Example: Before the “political-correctness” became the norm, Hollywood’s portrayal of Black men usually focused on pimping, drug dealing, and gang-banging and most of the “positive” portrayals centered around Blacks being the bellhop, maid, or butler. The problem is, when you visit many urban areas you see pimps, drug dealers and gang members and most are indeed black, and at one time most maids, butlers, and bellhops were indeed black. Protest of these portrayals was often perceived as nothing but petty whining.

Personally, I’ve always felt the proper approach would’ve been demanding balance via the creation of some positive images to accompany the negative portrayals. For years Hollywood seemed unwilling to invest in positive Black images and thus missed a major untapped market. Bill Cosby knew that a thriving Black middle-class existed and cashed in like no one before him or even since. He understood the best way to diminish the negative images was to offset them with some positive ones. Suddenly America began to realize that Black folks were doctors and lawyers as well as pimps, drug dealers, gang-members, maids, butlers, and bell-hops.

KEN: Several R-rated films in the 1970s portrayed interracial sex in a rather “left more to the imagination” way such as in the now-classic films SHAFT and MANDINGO considering the time period, so do you think such scenes would be more acceptable nowadays even if Hollywood is not rushing to films interracial love scenes too often?

TODD: I think it’s quite apparent that interracial sex is still a big taboo in America. Even though we occasionally see interracial couples in commercials, sitcoms, dramas, and movies, the on-screen physical contact is still very limited, especially when it involves a Black male and a White female! At the same time, White males have been allowed to cross racial lines on the big screen and television with very little backlash. Billy Bob Thornton gets pats on the back for his love scene with Halle Berry in the film “Monsters Ball” and Halle received the Oscar! By contrast, the most intimate love scene Denzel Washington ever made with a White female wasn’t even put in the movie. That’s right. The scene was not included in the film which was 2004’s “Man On Fire” where Denzel and actress Radha Mitchell did a passionate love scene, but you’ll have to purchase the DVD to catch that deleted scene.

KEN: Do you think Hollywood has become more libertarian in its filmmaking mindset or “politically-correct” as I think it’s become?

TODD: I would say more politically-correct, because no one wants Reverends Jesse and Al protesting outside their office!

KEN: Do you think 70s “Grindhouse” Actors such as William Marshall (Blacula) Pam Grier (Coffy) and Fred “The Hammer” Williamson are better remembered today for their low-budget films of the time period?

TODD: Absolutely!

KEN: Some fans of the more X-rated films tend to think the onset of the VCR in the early 1980s brought Porn Films into its “Silver Age” and made carnal entertainment easier to view for adults who didn’t want to venture into old dark theaters late at night. What are your thoughts on the 1980s’ X-rated film genre and how it evolved from old run-down theaters in the bad part of town to behind black doors in Video-Rental Stores?

TODD: The nostalgic part of me misses going to the video store, but as a consumer of porn, I prefer the privacy of the Internet. I certainly do NOT miss the sticky cases of those wonderful videos, that’s for sure, hahaha!

KEN: You mention in your book that the late 80s ushered in Black porn actors who were cast with top Caucasian Porn Starlets of the time period and how even in the X-rated world, interracial sex-roles between white actresses and black actors was a “taboo”. Do you think there was or still is a fan-base for such X-rated films?

TODD: I think the sheer volume of interracial porn is a reflection of a hungry but very private market out there. I always read the comments posted below online adult videos and see a mix of comments. Some comments are racist and ignorant, but there’s also a mixture of comments from White guys saying things like: “I’d love to watch my wife get pounded by a Mandingo!”

KEN: What is your definition of “Exploitation Film” and do you think such films have evolved or will evolve into present/future versions of such and do you think there will be “re-makes” of some past examples?

TODD: The term “Blacksploitation” was meant to denigrate this genre of films but the term never stopped Blacks from seeing or enjoying these films. I believe, if done properly and with humor, these films could easily be re-made and would be more popular and therefore more profitable than ever. Just picture Halle Berry in the role of Pam Grier’s “Foxy Brown”, seductively clad but still able to kick ass… . just as she did in “Catwoman”!

KEN: Thanks Todd! You know . . . . with everything that’s happened from Tiger Woods to Presidential Candidate Herman Cain in the recent past, I think you’ve got some interesting material for a PART III to your book series!

Todd Wooten
(photo used with permission)

“Much-needed Escapism”
Actor Parrish Randall gives his insights into Exploitation Cinema

Ken: Parrish, tell us what you’ve done so far in films?

Parrish: I began pursuing the acting career back in 2000, after years of wanting to do so but listening to family and friends who would tell me “you can’t do that”! In their defense, I have to say that their idea of achieving a career in film or movies meant that one would have to live in Hollywood, wait tables and perhaps starve in hopes of securing a break. Who would want that for a friend or loved one, right? What person would want that for themselves? The latter question I can answer easily… the person who wants a career in film! I had grown up being mesmerized by the magic of cinema. First as a young 6 year old kid watching the old late, late movies starring great actors like Jimmy Stewart, Bogart, Cagney and others… then later when I was 10 or 11 years old at the drive-in whenever I could hitch a ride with family or friends old enough to actually drive! I spent many nights watching the films of Roger Corman and so many others others. From Pam Grier action classics to “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” to “Last House On The Left” . . . you name it, I visually devoured them! It was during that era of the early 70s that I also saw S.F. Brownrigg’s “Don’t Look In The Basement”. Keep in mind, that particular film had been shot in my home county… and now, there it was… up on the drive-in screen and it was a REAL movie! That prompted me to have the epiphany, you do not have to be in Hollywood to make a movie. So, I managed to wrangle a Super 8mm magnetic sound movie camera and projector, then began at say, age 12 or 13, scripting, casting, directing and shooting movies with neighborhood friends… all within my parents backyard in Limestone County, Texas. They were all psycho slasher or zombie epics which ran about 8 minutes a piece! I also began collecting movies on Super 8mm from companies like Castle Films which eventually became Universal 8 Films, as well as from other companies such as Ken Films, Columbia 8mm and others. Suddenly I could watch AND STUDY these films in my home! Frame by frame!!! Keep in mind, this was before the video revolution, so this was a film fanatic’s dream! This continued on thru and into High School until I met my High School Sweetheart, married her and focused on getting what is called a real, responsible job! For the next 15 years though, the love of and for film never went away until finally in 2000, with my wife’s blessing, I went for the goal of becoming an actor. I had met a fellow Limestone County guy turned actor, Joe Don Baker of “Walking Tall” fame, a few years before. He encouraged and supported my quest, providing me with guidance on the right classes to take, what pitfalls to watch for and so on. He never secured a role for me and I never asked him to… he enabled me, instead, to secure them for myself by teaching me the value pf preparation. In 2001 I met Chuck Norris and did day player parts in several episodes of the “Walker Texas Ranger” show’s final season. This was followed by many extra gigs and one liner gigs over the next four years on various TV shows. I was ecstatic, even then, as I was on set, working with actors, cameras, lights… and above all else… gaining experience. I talked to so many great people on those early sets that would share insights into their careers from Heather Locklear to Sherri J. Wilson to Chuck Norris himself. Who better to learn from than these great folks who had been working for years and were continuing to make films and TV
programs! Then in 2005, I landed the role of the lead bad guy, Blythe Remington, in the zombie flick “The Quick and the Undead” which was released by Anchor Bay. The feature had it’s official premiere screening at Mann’s in Hollywood and that was awesome! After that film it seemed that I was lucky and fortunate to be accepted as a good “bad guy” for films! From “The Flesh Keeper” to “Slaughter House”, “Possum Walk” and “Imago” to most recently Ariescope Films anthology thriller/spoof “Chillerama” . . . 14 movies later I am still a working actor and I am damned thankful and grateful, as well as tremendously honored, to be able to keep making these films. It is a dream, literally, come true for me. I count my blessings daily for the opportunities I have been given and I am genuinely awed every time I walk onto the next film set. I truly do have an overwhelming reverence for the magic of storytelling thru film and no matter what, it never leaves me. I don’t want it to either!

Ken: What about the “Exploitation” film genre appeals to you the most and why?

Parrish: The exploitation film genre appeals so much to me because it takes us to places where the Hollywood mainstream features films won’t and don’t. Exploitation filmmakers, because these films are made on generally shoestring budgets, must offer audiences that visual or that storyline that a Warner Bros or a 20th Century Fox won’t. Therefore we’re treated to excessive gore, shocking storylines, graphic violence and more! All great components for the fan of exploitation fare! I think it is both awesome and ironic that, out of a lack of enough cash to compete with the major studios in as far as attracting star names or bringing high quality production values to the early indie drive-in type films, came the idea to compensate by depicting those very “in your face” elements which launched a successful film genre unto itself… as well as a massive sea of worldwide fans who love these movies! I along with millions of other exploitation film fans could not quote to you lines of dialogue from “Annie Hall” . . . but I can still recall “They’re coming to get you Barbara” from “NOTLD”, “Death has come to your little town sheriff” from “Halloween” and “Kill her mommy, kill her. Don’t let her get away” from “Friday the 13th”. The power and the impact that these films have had on generations of viewers is, I feel, unmatched by most any other genre of film. In most cases and to most of us, seeing these films was and still is comparable to a trip to the circus when we were kids! There is that feeling that you get from viewing “Eaten Alive”, for example, in a grainy print version on a big screen that seeing the new mega million dollar Hollywood blockbuster just cannot duplicate.

Ken: What was the very first Exploitation film you ever saw?

Parrish: When I was around 6 years old, I talked my aunt and her then boyfriend into taking me to the midnight screening of Bava’s “Blood and Black Lace”. Scared the HELL outta me at the time… but I loved it! These models were being slaughtered, one by one, in “blood curdling” color by this masked killer!

Awesome fare! I was hooked! I recalled for years after, and long before seeing the film again on DVD, the vivid colors that Bava utilized in presenting his handiwork work on screen. I later came to truly appreciate and understand more
the aesthetics of Italian filmmaking and their stylized approaches… but even as a child these images bathed in hues of blues, reds and greens had one helluva impact on me.

Ken: As an Actor yourself, what kind of “Exploitation” film would you prefer to star in? (carsploitation, naziploitation, sexploitation, etc.)

Parrish: I have played the killer in a “Chainsaw” inspired film, I have played the rapist characters… even once as the guy who rapes a victim from his wheelchair, I have even played the victim in a couple of films. Honestly, I’d really like to do a good old fashioned, 1970s drive in style blaxploitation film. As a caucasion actor, I would love to play the bad guy drug dealer type that Pam Grier is coming to kick the ass of! I would also love to play a crooked warden over a women’s prison! I am a huge fan of the women in prison films from “Big Bird Cage” to “Reform School Girls”!

Ken: You’ve mentioned how movies can be “much-needed escapism”. Explain.

Parrish: Growing up in a small town, I remember realizing as that 6 year old kid that films took me away to places and on adventures for 90 minutes to 2 hours that were amazing. As a kid I did not understand escapism, obviously, but that was my earliest recollection of realizing it was happening as I viewed a film. I later began to understand that the escapism that films provided audiences had historically provided those viewers with the opportunity, if only for 90 minutes, to forget about a myriad of life’s unpleasant realities such as economic depressions, wars, illnesses… you name it. Films from the silents onward had always provided people with a temporary escape from the harsh realties of life that, I feel, we all need and deserve that occasional break, at least for 90 minutes, from. In that way, I feel, films have always served a therapeutic purpose and viewers flock to them for that escapist need that they have… whether conciously or subconciously, moviegoers want to take a psychological mini “vacation” from the real world. During the great depression, films flourished when all other markets failed. In times of war, horror film box office revenue increased considerably.

Ken: How do you feel about female-nudity portrayed in films?

Parrish: Well, if you asked that question of me a few years back, my honest answer would have been that I personally always liked it! However, as I began working in these films and became lucky enough and awed to know some of the actresses that I grew up watching at the drive in… along with some really talented actresses who’ve arrived on the scene more recently, I began to think differently about the whole nudity thing. Granted, nudity has it’s place in film if and when it drives the storyline in some way… and yes it will always be more prevalent in exploitation cinema… but in many cases the graituitous nudity may not always be necessary.

Think about it, so many of the ladies within exploitation film are super talented professional actresses… they can carry a film without always disrobing unless it
drives the plotline along. I guess now I just feel that it is a shame that often really good actresses that could easily carry an entire feature with their acting talents alone are asked to do the nude scene when it is just to stock the film with the obligatory boob shots. There is something, I think, demeaning to an actress as a professional when she knows that she has to get naked for a part just for the sake of the film having a boob count in order to have the role. When an actress is made to feel that it is less about her and more about her tits, I think it is safe to say that most actresses are offended or, at the very least, hurt by it if they’ve trained to become serious artists. Then again, I have also worked with a few actresses who seem to be totally comfortable with the whole nudity thing… but overall, I feel most are not. The viewers expect nudity in most cases from exploitation films though, so filmmakers feel compelled to give it to them for obvious reasons. If you are told your film won’t sell without the nudity, as a filmmaker you will add that nudity.

Ken: Looking back from 1970 to 2000 in “Exploitation” Cinema, what is your view on how the type of film has either progressed or declined in 30 years?

Parrish: I feel that we’ve definitely seen the Golden Age of 70s exploitation cinema reassurge in it’s popularity and appeal thanks to both DVD releases and, as well, through the works of new indie filmmakers who have been inspired by those classic midnight drive-in films of that Golden Age era. The new technology has placed the power to make films into the hands of many, many folks. I think some great new exploitation, drive in style type films have been made by many who’ve been infuenced by and inspired by the likes of so many filmmakers from the 70s and 80s… however, I hope moving forward, that many of today’s great indie filmakers remember that exploitation films can still be made with new and original ideas. We do not want to keep repeating 1970s retellings so much so that the DVD market becomes overrun with repeatedly recycled storylines, you know.

So to indie filmmakers out there, take those original styles from the grindhouse/drive-in era that you love along with a few “inspirations” from them also and develop new, original exploitation fare for the new millenium fans to see.

Create your own individual exploitation classic and maybe become the next Corman in the process!

Ken: If you wrote your own Exploitation film, what would it be and who would you cast in it?

Parrish: Honestly, having taken my own advice to other filmmakers above into consideration for a while now, I have written a screenplay and I have been preparing to produce it. It is about a group of exploited ladies who have thru various avenues all drifted into prostition. They all end up in a deep southern, backwoods brothel where they are both protected by… and abused by… a corrupt southern sheriff and the town’s good old boys. After the Sheriff’s son, a collegiate “Biff” type smartass kills one of the more vulnerable girls, the Madame and the other “ladies” figure out “whodunnit” and take the boy out, literally… launching a
full scale war between Madame along with her girls and the corrupt small town police department… complete with a Rambette type march into town by the “ladies”, armed with nine kinds of firearms. The town becomes a burning casualty… as does the sheriff and his deputies… but not without great loss to “Madame’s Girls” . . . . Your wildest fantasies become HELL on high heels!

“MADAME’S GIRLS”—Rated R! My dream cast wish list… Kelli Maroney, Brooke Lewis, Lin Shaye, Dee Wallace, Belinda Balaski, Joe Don Baker, Christa Campbell and Danielle Harris. Now… that is, after all, my dream cast!

Parrish Randall on a film set (photo used with permission)

“I was born at the Grindhouse!”
An exclusive interview with Actor/Screenwriter Tony Calhoun.

KEN: Tony, what is your preferred “genre” of film overall?

TONY: Actually, I have an appreciation for all types of movies, but I have ALWAYS enjoyed “horror” the most. I grew up with a “Famous Monsters Of Filmland” magazine in my hands. Monster movies, well virtually any type of horror film, has always been my favorite genre. I am extremely blessed to have parents who were cool with allowing me to have access to these types of publications, I’m pretty sure I got my first one before I turned four. Later, when “Fangoria” arrived on the scene, I picked up the second issue and was completely hooked from there. It also didn’t hurt that both my parents enjoyed movies and pretty much always let me watch with them, providing that they weren’t of a mature nature, of course. I have been blessed to have the most incredibly supportive parents, who to this day encourage me to pursue my dreams. It was my Mom who took me to see the original, “Friday The 13th” at the theater during the summer between 5th and 6th grade, and my love of the “Slasher” film was born right then and there. So pretty much the “Slasher” film is my favorite “sub-genre” of the horror genre.

KEN: How long have you been a fan of “Exploitation” films, and which one was the first of it’s kind that you watched?

TONY: I have always been a huge fan of the “Exploitation” genre. Even when I didn’t know they were called that. (chuckle) I grew up close enough to a drive-in theater in the 1970’s and ’80’s that I could see the entire screen from my back yard. So my friends and I would simply take a radio out there, tune in the audio, and watch all types of double features. The ones I remember the most were the typical drive-in fare of the time, such as the Roger Corman stuff like, “Death Race 2000” and “Big Bad Mama”. As far as being able to tell you what the first “Exploitation” film I ever saw was, that would probably be impossible. The first horror movie that I remember watching, however, was the made-for-TV film “Gargoyles”. Which has since gone on to become a classic in it’s own right. I watched it at home with my parents supervising. They weren’t exactly sure if I was ready to watch something like that, but I had seen the promos for it in the weeks leading up to it’s premiere, and had pretty much aggravated them to no end wanting to watch it. So they let me, and the rest is history. A few years ago I obtained a copy on DVD and was extremely excited to be able to see it again, so what did I do? I took it over to my parents house, told them what it was, and how well I thought I remembered it. Then we watched it together, and strangely enough I remembered not only the set-ups for the scenes, but even some of the lines verbatim. So I suppose it made quite the impression on a four-year old mind.

KEN: Tell us about your own brand of filmmaking and what you aspire to do in your own filmmaking ventures soon-to-come.

TONY: My latest project that I starred in and co-produced is a 19 minute short film that was done for the 2012 festival circuit called, “The Healing”. It has been submitted to Tribeca and will also be submitted to the New York Film Festival as well as IFC and as many others as possible. I’m not at liberty to discuss the storyline, but it is definitely laced with exploitative themes. I am extremely pleased with the final product, and feel that it has a very good chance of being accepted in several of these venues. We have several projects in the works at this time, but the big one is a feature film that I describe as a genre-blending supernatural/action/thriller. The title is “NIN9 LIVES”.

KEN: Could “NIN9 LIVES” qualify as a “Grindhouse”-style film?

TONY: Oh, very much so. All of the elements are definitely there. It harkens one back to the glory days of the 80’s action films with an abundance of horror/mysticism and gore, wisecracking mercenaries, non-stop action, and a pace that can only be described as “Raiders Of The Lost Ark… On Steroids”! (haha) We are still waiting on securing the financing to get everything in motion and get underway with production. It is only a matter of time, as we have a stellar cast of very recognizable actors from the genre who are interested. One of the more notable actors is Billy Drago who is just a total blast to work with. He worked with us on the “NIN9 LIVES Promotional Trailer” (which can be seen at Vimeo.com) and is one of the most down to earth actors you would ever want to meet. Check out the six minute version of the Promo Trailer for a sneak peek at what “NIN9 LIVES” is all about.

KEN: How do you feel about film storylines that may appeal to a “limited” audience of adults out there, but won’t exactly be shown alongside a “Harry Potter” film if released in theaters?

TONY: When “Pulp Fiction” first came out it was thought to only appeal to a “limited audience”. Take a wild guess as to how that turned out. I feel that Hollywood should take a few extra chances on films they feel may appeal only to a limited audience. They may just be very pleasantly surprised with the results.

KEN: In your own view of “Exploitation Cinema” what is your favorite aspect of that film genre, and (despite its diverse plots and themes) what is the ONE THING in your opinion that separates them from more “mainstream” films?

TONY: To me, the thing that is the most exciting about true exploitation films is that virtually anything can, and will go down. They don’t follow the “cookie-cutter” formula of the mainstream film. Nothing is more annoying than sitting down to finally watch a long-awaited film and being insulted with the same old tired themes that we’ve all seen a thousand times. I can’t begin to tell you how many first view flicks I’ve watched, and have not only been able to tell what was going to happen next, and pretty much how it
will end twenty minutes or so into the picture… but to be able to actually predict the next line before it’s even uttered on the screen? That’s ridiculous. There are just too many “rules” in mainstream films. That’s what’s so refreshing about exploitation flicks. They aren’t nearly as predictable. They break the rules, and for me, they are just much more fun.

KEN: In writing a screen-play, how much imagination does it take in contrast to the tedious work of formatting the screenplay properly for reading by filmmakers?

TONY: Back in the day, before the advent of screenwriting programs, it was an extremely tedious process. But now, it’s a snap to correctly format a screenplay. Since I write mainly for my own pleasure, I can move along at an almost ridiculous pace. It’s not uncommon for me to be able to knock out as many as 15-20 tightly constructed pages in a single day. I write in a very descriptive, yet not very wordy fashion. It’s very much like actually watching the movie take place as you read it, and usually one can finish my works in about the same time as watching a movie. They are very easy to follow, and I get a big kick out of someone actually laughing out loud from reading my brand of snappy dialogue. I take that as a huge compliment, because I love to have my characters say things that are clever enough to make the reader want to hear/read more. I call it my “signature” dialogue. I was once told that I write the dialogue that Tarantino only wishes he could write. Well, I certainly don’t know about all of that, but I did take it as a huge compliment. (haha)

KEN: Did you go to school for acting and who was your primary influence?

TONY: Yes. I completed some acting courses after I graduated college. I did some TV commercials, but there wasn’t a thriving film market here in KY. Four or five years ago I met the world renowned acting coach Silvana Gallardo, and started taking some classes under her. She helped me to really re-focus my energies and draw out the “realness” in situations. “The Gallardo Method” is one of the very finest acting techniques ever developed, and I am extremely proud to say that I studied under her. I am still heart-broken with the sudden and tragic loss of her just a couple of weeks ago. She was absolutely one of the finest human beings that I have ever met. Her work and techniques will definitely live on through all of the students that she so graciously and selflessly touched. I hope one day that I can display the work that would have made her proud to say, “He is one of my students”. Rest in peace, Silvana. You positively impacted everyone who ever met you, and you will never ever be forgotten.

KEN: Are you a fan of the “Exploitation” film actors and actresses and whom are your favorites?

TONY: Oh, of course. There are far too many to name them all. Sid Haig is great in anything. Same for Bill Moseley, Robert Forster and Fred Williamson. Pam Grier is always awesome. William Sadler. Max Julien. Ron O’Neal. This list could go on and on. My favorite exploitation director is without a doubt Jack Hill. “Switchblade Sisters” is simply genius, and just one of his many classics in the genre.

KEN: If you were given the opportunity to write a screenplay about any theme, genre, or type of movie of your choice, what would it be?

TONY: This may come as somewhat of a surprise to you, but I would TRULY like to see a real “honest-to-goodness” revival in the Western genre. Horror may be my favorite, but I really have little to no interest in writing it. I’ll leave that to someone else. I wrote a feature-length screenplay for a very gritty, spaghetti-style western a few years back that I titled, “A Man Called HELL”. People who are familiar with my work all seem to concur that it is my best to date. I have difficulty with ranking my own work, as each and every one of my stories are very dear to me, but this one has that little extra “human element” to it, I suppose. A highly entertaining and complex tale of humanity wrapped around a wild-west ride that would not soon be forgotten. I’ve always heard that any actor worth his salt would immediately pounce on the opportunity to do a good western. I don’t know if that is true or not, but I would put this story up against any other yet-to-be-filmed western yarn any day of the week, twice on Sunday, and vow to fist-fight a running sawmill if it didn’t come out on top. That’s how confident I am in it. I can’t really pinpoint what it is about that story, but it brings a tear to the eye of just about everyone who’s read it.

KEN: What do you think of the Hollywood “re-make” craze, and would you ever write or perform in one?

TONY: Honestly, I try NOT to think of it. However, we seem to be constantly inundated with them, so it makes it somewhat difficult to avoid. I do not, nor do I ever want to understand the logic behind the “re-making” of classic films. I could understand re-making a low budget film that had lots of promise, but didn’t have either the budget or quality of acting that it truly deserved, but the point of re-making a classic film is almost beyond my scope of comprehension. The tragic part of all of this is that at some point, they are going to want to re-make the “Indiana Jones” films, or a number of other iconic character series, and expect us to buy that “Joe Blow Flavor Of The Month” is Indiana Jones. UGGG! Same goes for the sequel craze. I’m not interested in “Part Six” or “Part Seven” of something that barely deserved a “Part Two”. As for movies that I feel deserve a re-make, I can think of a couple right away. A little-seen revenge flick called, “Massacre At Central High” would be one. I would absolutely jump at the opportunity to pen the screenplay for that one, and of course I would like at least a small part in it. The other would be the ’70’s “Atrocity” flick, “Snuff”. This one deserves a re-make, in that, for all of the hype and public outcry that it garnered back in its 42nd Street heyday, it was nothing more than a poorly-shot ending tacked on to an unintelligible and incomplete film and released as a “legitimate” snuff film. It was however, pure marketing gold. So, yeah, there are viable cases for a re-make out there in my opinion.

KEN: What is your favorite “Exploitation” film, and why?

TONY: I would have to say, “Massacre At Central High” is far and away my favorite. I first saw it on HBO back in the early ’80’s when I was in the eighth grade, and it made quite the lasting impression. All of the proper elements are there to make it, at least in my eyes, the quintessential exploitation film. It is an utter travesty that this film cannot find a
proper DVD release. But, “Post-Columbine”, I don’t see that happening anytime in the near future. I do however, highly recommend this film to anyone interested in the genre who hasn’t seen it. Look for it. Look hard if you have to. It’s worth it. I’d like to thank you for asking me to do this interview, Ken. I have to tell you that I am a big fan of your novel, “Dirge” and I am sure that it won’t be long until you are approached about having it adapted to the screen. It’ll make a great flick! I also want to give a shout out to my biggest fan, my six year old daughter Rylee-Blaze. She thinks it’s funny to see her daddy on TV playing tough guys. I can’t wait until you are old enough for me to share my love of film with you (Well. some of it anyway). I love you, Baby Girl! I’m YOUR biggest fan!

Actor/Screenwriter Tony Calhoun
(Photo used with permission)

Ken Knight’s other entertainment “Tops”
of the past 40 years:

Top Playboy® Playmates/Centerfolds

1970s: Dorothy Stratten and Candy Loving

1980s: Patty Duffek and Kimberly McArthur

1990s: Kerri Kendall and Julie Clarke

2000s: Pennelope Jimenez and Laurie Fetter

Top Television and Cable-TV Shows

1970s: The Six Million Dollar Man and Battlestar Galactica

1980s: The Hitchhiker (HBO) and America’s Most Wanted

1990s: Seinfeld, Married with Children, and Forever Knight

2000s: Curb Your Enthusiasm, Spartacus, and Hung (all on HBO)

Top Musicians/Bands

1970s: Charlie Rich and KISS

1980s: Ronnie James Dio and Motley Crue

1990s: Meat Loaf and Megadeth

2000s: Pink, Shakira, and Rob Zombie

Top Video Games

1970s: Asteroids and Galaxian

1980s: Defender and Pitfall!

1990s: Dead or Alive and Mortal Kombat

2000s: Playboy: the Mansion and Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe

The Credits Roll . . . . all good movies have to come to an end but they continue to be viewed and enjoyed time and time again by the fans of such films whatever type or genre they may be. Movie-hounds the world over have DVD, computer-downloads, even old laserdiscs and VHS videotapes that preserve their favorite films and keep the fantasies alive so we thank the geek gods for such technology (and the future tech as well).

Fantasy Film Entertainment is an “escape” like no other, a vicarious thrill which easily affords anyone with a good pair of eyes and ears to indulge another “world” without leaving the often-stifling realm of this reality. To sit there and watch other people and characters play out a scenario, circumstances, and adventures is therapeutic; let no one tell you otherwise! During the past few years of a global economic downturn affecting everyone from Boston to Budapest, one “industry” has made billions despite the global recession: the Motion Picture Business. Of course, fantasy films provide that “escape”.

I for one do not like where this world is heading. Even here in the “Land of the Free”, government censorship may not be like it was 50 years ago but it seems that both the general media and the entertainment world are “self-censoring” to the degree that certain topics, words, and documented history are sidelined, overwritten, or outright censored so as to not “offend” anyone in the audience (a wholly implausible goal anyway).

Exploitation Films may soon become the last “politically-incorrect” motion pictures on the market in the sense of their lurid and shocking content as well as “uncut” scenery that had no liberal sensitivities, unlike most unimaginative major theatrical releases of today.

Today, the push from Hollywood is more from a corporate bend with a lean toward bigger and broader audiences for higher (initial) ticket sales during opening weekends.

Today, the median drive is “family-oriented” filmmaking or “broader audience” subject matter to get women and children into the theaters and thus make for a bigger sales jag during the first week’s running of the “romantic comedy” or the “kids movie” and lest we forget the feminist “man-hater” type of movie such as the recently released feature films SUCKER PUNCH and THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO. There is a market for just about everything out there big and small, however my main concern here is that the more adult-oriented fantasy storylines are being sacrificed in favor of more “family-friendly” filmmaking and of course “political” films such as the steady stream of blatantly anti-conservative and anti-war movies that littered movie theaters after 9/11.

“Guy-Flicks” of the past thirty years have taken a nose-dive during the first decade of the 21st Century, exceptions being the “Salutes” such as DEATHPROOF and PIRANHA 3D among a few others of noteworthy mention on DVD recently and Writer/Director Rob Zombie’s continuing dedication to providing real adult-themed fantasy tales for the silver screen. Fantasy Entertainment for ADULTS is taking the back-seat in Hollywood and despite some Indie filmmakers’ well-done contributions to the Exploitation and the more Adults-Only film genres, the dull “family-friendly” trend continues its conquer of the theatrical and major-release DVD/Blue-Ray film markets. Then there is the corporate “soft law” censorship that really threatens the integrity of filmmaking wherein certain Department Stores in the US either require Industry censorship of R-rated films on DVD or outright refuse to carry the uncut versions of “graphic” flicks (such as Rob Zombie’s THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO) all for the purpose of “not offending anyone” and keeping that “family-friendly atmosphere”!

Just in my 40’s as I write this, I fear that I might see the day when censorship wins out in the US under the soft-law banner of “social standards” the likes of which might make the Christian Right’s anti-porn crusade of the 70s and 80s look like a Junior High pep-rally (only this time it’ll be feminists and the political left-wing leading the charge).

Will all those Exploitation Films of the 70s, 80s, and 90s become a cinematic glimpse back into the “good ol’ days” of personal freedom and unfettered fun where filmmakers could put whatever the hell they wanted to on the screen without the slightest worry as to what denizen in the audience might be “offended”? Yes, for we wouldn’t have it any other way! Exploitation Films are the finest examples of filmmaking liberty. Their graphic scenery, violence, overabundant nudity and sex, freaky characters, weird or inappropriate titles such as “Boss Nigger” and “Cannibal Holocaust” (plus tantalizing movie posters such as the ones for “I Spit on Your Grave” and “Malibu Express”) make them precisely the example of free artistic expression for adults found nowhere else in the world. Exploitation films are now the cinematic adult playground available for those who’d watch them in order to be thrilled, shocked, stimulated, aroused, and entertained in some gratuitous manner nonetheless… .

Respectfully Yours ~ Ken Knight

Also by Ken Knight:

THE MIDNIGHT SHOW

Late Night Cable TV “Guy-Flicks” of the 80s

REMEMBER… . When staying up past midnight was done for a good reason? When ninjas and cyborgs were both heroes and villains? When vigilantes and secret agents made the plot thicken? When gratuitous nudity and violence ruled your TV time? When there was no such thing as “political correctness??!! Take a trip back to the late nights of yesteryear as Author Ken Knight reviews the late night “Guy-Flicks” of the 1980s’ Cable TV and Video entertainment, with a vengeance! This book comes complete with un-cut commentary, celebrity interviews, and rare photos as well as two brand new short-stories any fan of the 1980’s “guy-flicks” are sure to enjoy… .

“The reviews themselves read like a movie recommendation you’d hear from an old high school or college buddy . . . the guy who never got good grades but was always fun to hang around!”—Amazon.com review

AVAILABLE AT AMAZON.COM and AUTHORHOUSE.COM

Silvana with Ken Knight at her New Years Eve Party on December 31st 2009.

Silvana Gallardo

(1953-2012)

The most talented actress and acting-coach I will likely ever know in my entire life, Silvana Gallardo was a credit to her craft and one of the sweetest ladies I have ever had the privilege of meeting. Her TV and Movie credits are numerous, from the 70s/80s TV series such as Starsky and Hutch, Falcon Crest, Cagney and Lacey, Knots Landing and MacGuyver to made-for-TV movies such as Silence of the Heart and Copacabana as well as Hollywood films Windwalker, Death Wish II, and Solar Crisis Silvana Gallardo made her mark on show-business! She was a fascinating personality, for when I first met her in-person I didn’t want to leave the room, talking with her was a genuine delight.

Silvana dedicated her life to the craft of acting and she left this world having given us Film fans and her Acting Class Students one more reason to appreciate such art.

The world was so much better while you were in it dear lady

About the Author

Ken Knight has been writing and publishing fiction since 1999 with his first “stab” at the horror genre with CRYPTX that year and his suspense-thrillers ISABEL AT MIDNIGHT in 2002 and THE MIDNIGHT OIL in 2005. Having served in the US Army and in the Criminal Justice Field, he got a lot of ideas for character-creation, and continues to write fiction tales, his latest being the zombie-apocalypse novel DIRGE. Also an avid Movie Buff and Film Critic, Ken published his most popular book so far: THE MIDNIGHT SHOW~Late Night Cable TV “Guy-Flicks” of the 80s in 2008, which focused on the 80s decade zeitgeist and the more “guy-entertainment” movies of that unique time period.

THE MIDNIGHT GRIND: A Tribute to Exploitation Films of the 70s, 80s, and Beyond is his latest work of reviews and commentary as well as exclusive short-stories in regards to a unique cinematic genre of entertainment that cannot be forgotten. He may be reached at chapt19@yahoo.com as well as on Facebook.

Table of Contents

THE MIDNIGHT GRIND

© 2012 by Ken Knight. All rights reserved.

CONTENTS

SHOWCASE 70’S

“SEXPLOITATION”

BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR

ILSA : The Tigress of Siberia (1977)

H.O.T.S. (1979)

UP! (1976)

CALIGULA (1979)

THE STUD (1978)

THE BITCH (1979)

“NAZIPLOITATION”

ILSA: She-Wolf of the SS (1974)

RAPE~REVENGE FILMS

I Spit On Your Grave (1978)

Straw Dogs (1971)

BLACKSPLOITATION

COFFY (1973)

BOSS NIGGER (1975)

CARSPLOITATION

DUEL (1971)

DEATHRACE 2000 (1975)

THE CAR (1977)

SHOCKSPLOITATION

Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein (1973)

SNUFF (1976)

Bygone Dreams A Grinding Tale by Ken Knight ©2012

SHOWCASE 80’S

SEXPLOITATION ~and~ “SEX COMEDY”

PORKY’S (1982)

SPRING BREAK (1983)

PRIVATE SCHOOL (1983)

STUCK ON YOU (1982)

TAKIN’ IT ALL OFF (1987)

MALIBU EXPRESS (1985)

PICASSO TRIGGER (1988)

TARZAN THE APE MAN (1981)

PARODY / “SPOOF”

YOUNG DOCTORS IN LOVE (1982)

NINJA films

REVENGE OF THE NINJA (1983)

NINJA III: THE DOMINATION (1984)

GORESPLOITATION

PIECES (1983)

VIGILANTE

DEATH WISH II (1982)

MS .45 (1981)

THE EXTERMINATOR (1980)

BLAXPLOITATION

THE LAST DRAGON (1985)

I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA (1988)

WOMEN-IN-PRISON

CHAINED HEAT (1983)

The Last Good Bet A Grinding Tale by Ken Knight ©2012

BEYOND THE BLACK DOOR

SHOWCASE 90’S

EROTIC THRILLERS

NIGHT EYES (1990)

SINS OF DESIRE (1993)

SORCERESS (1995)

ILLICIT DREAMS (1994)

SEXUAL ROULETTE (1996)

COPSPLOITATION

BAD LIEUTENANT (1992)

UNLAWFUL ENTRY (1992)

SNAKE EYES (1998)

BIKERSPLOITATION

STONE COLD (1991)

SPORTSPLOITATION

HE GOT GAME (1998)

VARSITY BLUES (1999)

PORNSPLOITATION

BOOGIE NIGHTS (1997)

Drink A Grinding Tale by Ken Knight ©2012

SHOWCASE 2000’S

“LONELY GUY” films

ONE HOUR PHOTO (2002)

HE WAS A QUIET MAN (2007)

RAPE~REVENGE

DESCENT (2007)

SEXPLOITATION

LUST CONNECTION (2005)

TOONSPLOITATION

THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO

ANYONE YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO BETTER!

“SALUTES”

VIGILANTE

SIN CITY (2005)

Ended with a Hung Jury A Grinding Tale by Ken Knight ©2012

INTERVIEWS AND BONUS COMMENTARY

“BUFF ENOUGH FOR YOU!” An exclusive interview with Professional Wrestler, Model, Pin-Up Girl, and Movie-Buff APRIL HUNTER

“Don’t Hate the Player… . Hate the Movie!” An Exclusive Interview with Author and Satirist Todd Wooten

“Much-needed Escapism” Actor Parrish Randall gives his insights into Exploitation Cinema

“I was born at the Grindhouse!” An exclusive interview with Actor/Screenwriter Tony Calhoun.

Ken Knight’s other entertainment “Tops” of the past 40 years:

THE MIDNIGHT SHOW

Silvana Gallardo

About the Author