Horror of Your Heart
Author: M. Sinclair
Date: 2019-01-01 08:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Fantasy; Paranormal; Romance
Description: Lorcan Louvre is back. Three years ago she and her twin disappeared in the middle of the night for LA. Now they are back for their senior year with an infamous reputation for partying, a penchant for violence, and a plan for avoiding the paparazzi. So why did they leave? What are they hiding now? That is the exact question that Dean, Rhett, Cash, Desmond, and Adriel plan to find out. The biggest question? Will they be able to save Lorcan before it is too late? Find out in this emotional roller coaster of pain, love, and healing. Warning: This PNR slow burn RH contains dark themes. The book con

Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Epilogue

M. Sinclair

Following me:

Copyright © M. Sinclair, 2019. All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are products of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

The Union of Love & Madness

Summary

Lorcan Louvre is back.

Three years ago she and her twin disappeared in the middle of the night for LA. Now they are back for their senior year with an infamous reputation for partying, a penchant for violence, and a plan for avoiding the paparazzi.

So why did they leave?

What are they hiding now?

That is the exact question that Dean, Rhett, Cash, Desmond, and Adriel plan to find out.

The biggest question? Will they be able to save Lorcan before it is too late?

Find out in this emotional roller coaster of pain, love, and healing.

Warning: This PNR slow burn RH contains dark themes. The book contains substance abuse, violence, swearing, PTSD, sexual assault, sexual themes (+18), and an array of other dark subject matters. This book does end on a cliffhanger but book 2, Broken House, is already published. Note: this book is rebranding and re-publishing of a book that was published in March 2019. None of the plot has been adjusted, only formatting and edits.

Contact Information

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

BreaktheCycle (Abusive Relationship): 1-866-331-9474

National Eating Disorders Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 1-800-662-HELP

Prologue

“I can't feel my face when I'm with you.”

- Can’t Feel My Face by The Weekend

“Miss Louvre,” my singular flight attendant interrupted, “we will be descending soon.”

Before I could nod in her direction, Hayden chuckled, not perturbed by the disturbance in the least. “So, if you want to shoot up, now is the time. I just got word the paparazzi is awaiting your arrival, Lorc baby.”

Usually, I would have found Hayden’s light-hearted view of my life amusing. That was what he was there for. No matter what I did. No matter how I acted. The jinn never judged. I think it was due in part to my integral involvement in the success of his photography career. Most of his career was built off his connections and photographs of me. I mean, shit. The ones he took before I signed with IME Modeling were selling for millions now.

We had been close for nearly three years now, and there was a sense of loyalty that had formed throughout that time.  So typically, I would have found his comment amusing. Today though? No. I was far too… I didn’t have a word for how I felt today.

Empty?

Numb?

I experienced those emotions, or lack thereof, regularly but felt particularly drained today, probably due to Toris’s visit this afternoon. I could still feel the bruises spanning my rib cage and travelling an exact pattern down to my thighs. Lovely. I knew they would be gone within a few hours, but it didn’t take away my present pain. I brought my box purse to my lap, opening it to reveal an assortment of substances ranging from heroin to opioids. It’s a good thing I have a private jet. If not, the TSA would have had a fucking field day with me. I didn’t have time to pay them off, so the plane was a better option.

Cormac had told me to be prepared for a party when I came home. I didn’t doubt his conviction. We were returning to a place that we had left three years ago. I expected conviction. I also expected to see several people that I had long attempted to forget.

“I don’t shoot up,” I muttered as I laid out my bag of snortable heroin.

It was true. I didn’t inject myself. It had little to do with avoiding harm though, I just found it lasted longer in my system when taken that way.

Then again, all human drugs lasted such a small amount of time.

They could only numb the pain for so long.

Hayden shook his thick head of dark hair, and those grey violet eyes sparkled with mirth. He was a beautiful jinn. I was surrounded by beautiful people in my life, yet still, he stood out. His angular face and slight Japanese accent made the upper echelons of the L.A. elite consider him “exotic.” I just thought of him as the only fucking person I trusted besides my brother.

Even if our friendship couldn’t be authentic, I trusted him. I mean, it wasn’t a dig against him. It was literally impossible for people to care about us. No, instead people used us. They made us fit their mold. I just trusted his mold.

It was in our nature to be agreeable to that. I often felt like a chameleon. A reflective mirror. A body of still water. But, for Hayden, I was a muse.

Compared to Toris, I happily accepted the role.

With a rolled-up twenty, I snorted the three lines in front of me with ease and tilted my head back. Unfortunately, my elven genetics made it so my highs lasted nearly half of the time they did for humans and other supernaturals. It was probably why the elven realm was so fucked up. Despite the cards I had been dealt, I was happy to have not grown up there. It was a cesspool of drugs, abuse, drinking, and sex trafficking. Well, at least that was the impression Jeannie and Nelson gave us. As our guardians, we trusted them to a certain extent.

I knew my high wouldn’t last long, so I also popped a few painkillers to help my night along. With any luck, I’d surely black out. I frowned down at my purse as I shut it. If only it were as easy as an overdose. No. It seemed that no matter what I tried, I couldn’t die.

It was unusual for an elf to be completely invulnerable. Normally, if elves attempted to hang themselves or drive a knife through their heart…well, they would die because their immortality was only applicable to aging physically. Of course, with our bad luck, I should have guessed that Cormac and I would be the fucking exception. I had yet to find something that would work.

Trust me. I had been extremely fucking creative.

My life was truly a miserable affair, a sickening cacophony, and I was dying for the finale. I had already cried. I had already sought help. I had already reached out to those around me. But I realized no one could ever love me.

A cold truth that buried itself deep inside the marrow of my bones.

So, here I was on my private jet, snorting heroin and returning home after living in LA with my brother for the past three years. Cormac had arrived at the house yesterday, but I had already been scheduled for a photoshoot in San Francisco for a fall cover, so I had planned to arrive a day later than him.

The artificial euphoria began as the plane landed on the smooth runway. My hands bit into the black leather interior as a small smile took over my face.

“Wow,” Hayden chuckled, “must be a good one.”

I rose a brow before standing up. My silk blue dress clung to my figure from our short journey. Hayden wore a three-piece purple suit that seemed to highlight his eyes. A rumor circulated throughout most of Hollywood that the two of us were a couple. I can assure you, the rumor was 100% false. However, we never attempted to correct them because Hayden’s family was very conservative. How they could prefer him to be with Hollywood’s notorious hot mess over a nice guy, I would never fucking understand.

As we exited the plane, a large Mercedes awaited us. My sleek strappy heels clicked across the pavement as cameras flashed from beyond the private airport fence. My sunglasses, despite the impending sunset, sat snuggly on my face and my mouth didn’t waver from its neutral expression. Hayden was far more expressive and even offered them a wave.

“I don’t understand how you can hate this attention,” Hayden whined as we both slid into the car. I was glad there was a divide between the driver and us. It meant I could get another few lines in without a report and unwanted attention from the DEA. Honestly, paying people off became very troublesome after a while. When it came down to it, it was rather easy though. It usually required a simple conversation and a few smiles before they bent under my will like a dog brought to heel. Still, I was lazy, and it took time out of my very busy schedule.

My very busy schedule of getting high.

“So, what did you do today?” Hayden asked while interrupting my thoughts.

I laid out three more lines on a small compact mirror before looking up at him with a calm expression. What did I do today?

“I woke up.” I snorted a line and let the rush emanate through me.

To a massive demon pinning me to my bed.

“I got ready.” I snorted another.

After Toris beat me senseless and offered to “remind” me of his control.

“Then I went to the shoot.” I finished my third line. Six should be adequate for tonight.

“Sounds chill,” Hayden quipped as he scrolled through social media. Often, Hayden posted photos of me on his accounts. I never used my account, yet I had a massive number of followers for having two fucking photos uploaded.

Arizona. It was as dry and expansive as I remembered. Despite my travels around the world, I had somehow avoided this state for three fucking years. Now, I was driving straight into the lion’s pit. Literally. The compound we lived in was a community of shifters.

I felt my body tense at the idea of seeing a certain set of brothers.

The black leather interior of our car filled with the scent of burnt tobacco as I lit a cigarette. I had prayed that lung cancer would kill me, but to no avail. Genetics had decided to make cancer an impossibility for me. An outpouring of our newest album, Black, blasted through the speakers from the classical station. I knew our magic wasn’t embedded within our recorded music, but it didn’t stop Hayden’s eyes from glazing over.

It was painful to watch how even a powerful jinn, such as himself, was affected.

The neighborhood that the local pride resided in was no doubt beautiful, but I could smell shifters about a mile out. As the white stone walls came into sight, I emptied my heart and brain. I refused to feel nostalgia over something that could no longer bring me joy. Over something that could no longer bring me love.

The cigarette hung loosely from my mouth as the driver quietly spoke to the shifters. When they asked for the windows to be rolled down, a roguish smile slipped onto my lips as a pair of dark eyes met mine.

“Smoking isn’t allowed.” The shifter offered me a glare. I heard Hayden chuckle as I leaned forward slightly, exposing my face to him for the first time. Immediately, his pupils dilated, and a small blush formed on his cheeks.

“Send the complaint to the Louvre Estate,” I spoke in a soft tone.

The shifter shook his head.  “No. No, it’s totally fine. I’m so sorry.”

As the windows rolled up, Hayden burst into laughter. “You know, I still get that way sometimes around you even though I’m gay. You just get people all tongue tied, Lorcan.”

I nodded. I did. Although, I found the effect to dim over time. Sort of. It made people so agreeable that it felt as though I was taking advantage of them. Then again, it also subjected me to their true nature, so I didn’t feel as bad. My phone went off, so I opened it to find that a pop-culture news station had posted photos of us leaving my jet.

“A romantic vacation for two?” the caption questioned.

I snorted at that before examining the photo. We looked beautiful together, no doubt. The truth didn’t matter because people wanted us to fit their story line. It was more work to oppose their preconceived notions. So, I became everything from Hollywood’s most beautiful socialite to a drugged-out whore.  Depended on the day of the week.

I watched the scenery beyond the window. Each house we passed reminded me of a piece of candy. You know.  The brightly colored assortment that you find in the lobby of the dentist’s office? The same ones that you tossed out because it tasted like shit? Yeah. Those.

“So, Jeannie and Nelson wanted you home, even though they are overseas?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled.  I looked up at him. “By the way, thanks for coming tonight. I know you have to fly out tomorrow. I just didn’t want to do this alone and I fucking know Cormac will be distracted.”

Hayden nodded.  “I’m going to miss you. The truth is I’m worried about your new school. What if this place sucks?”

I sighed. “It won’t be that different. I’ll do the work and finish out my senior year. After all, it’s more of a formality than anything else. I already know everything they will try teach to me.”

He nodded in agreement as we pulled up to a long, paved driveway that started downhill and stretched up, twisting to the top of a small desert hill. I refused to look anywhere but ahead, because I knew.

I knew I would see their house.

Instead, I focused on the red sand that gripped the plants tightly in place on either side of the paved road. I could feel the ridiculous heat pressing from outside our black car, despite the air conditioning. I couldn’t fathom how anyone functioned in weather like this.

Maybe I could die of heat exhaustion.

I had tearfully begged Toris to find a way.  Find a way to kill me. He had said he didn’t want to get rid of his toy just yet. I fucking hated that demon. I could still feel the echo of his violent hands from this morning’s beating. You would’ve thought as a demon he would be more creative.  I think he just liked to see the damage he could inflict on his punching bag.

After all, who better to physically torture than a woman who can’t die? Who heals overnight?

No one apparently.

Special fucking me.

I shook my head thinking how I had briefly considered that my move might stop him, but I knew that was dumb. He would always find me. I didn’t even bother running. The only escape from him, from the raw truth of my life, was death.

It was times like this I felt thankful I understood what had gone so fucking wrong in my life. How everything had gotten so fucked up.

We were told to create something.

So, I designed my own demise. I crafted my own chaos. I planned my own death. We were told to live every day to the fullest. So, I experienced my own catastrophe. I enjoyed my own vices. I embraced the ugliness of those around me.

Somehow, along the way, I messed something up.

I ruined it. I destroyed it. I did something terribly wrong. I had to assume that was the case. The reason I could never be loved. The reason we were unwanted. Why we were rejected. Why we were unloved. I had to assume. Now, I had only one thing left to get right. Our deaths. My death.

I had a death wish.

I have a death wish.

My issue? My problem?  It’s impossible for me to die.

Chapter 1

Dean

“I feel you in my dreams. You're everywhere, you won't go easily. I see you in my sleep. So, I'm wide awake to keep you far from me.”

-Sleepwalking by Diamante

The Louvre estate sat on a hilled section of our luxury compound which was filled to the brim with shifter families and community members. They were all under the jurisdiction of my pride, whether they were cat shifters or not. The estate was the only house larger than our own and that was due to their status. Both Mr. and Mrs. Louvre were of elven heritage. Therefore, they only submitted to me, as alpha, out of necessity in order to keep the peace.

If you asked me, the only one who had submitted was my father during his many years of being alpha.

Had it only been this previous spring when he had passed away? The fucker had worked himself into an early grave with the stress of everything on his shoulders. Do you know the type of heart attack it takes to kill an alpha? A strong one. His death left me an alpha at only twenty, leading a family that consisted of my two brothers and a sister. Luckily, Maggie’s nanny had stayed on as a kind of surrogate mother.  Ours left us forever ago.

“It’s the first week,” Rhett chuckled from inside my office.  “How the hell do we have so much work already?”

I smiled at his obvious disappointment. “Last year for you and then this façade can end. I never thought advising students about college would be so… difficult.”

Friday's sunset reflected the colors of the Arizona desert. As I stood watching, it steadily grew to become a violent splatter of oranges and blues. The Louvre estate consisted of three massive rectangles of concrete with open panels of glass. It sat looking down upon us, like how we looked down upon the rest of the community. Their placement on the hill was just slightly fucking higher than our own.

Damn it. I couldn’t lie.  It bothered me. I was born to be alpha. So that minor geographic upset in dominance distressed me.

“What are you looking at?” Rhett wandered from his place on the leather couch toward my balcony. He stepped into the heat and found where my eyes rested.

“Ah,” he sighed. “You know, it’s not a big deal. Neither of them is around as it is.”

If he wasn’t my second in command, I would have probably allowed the snarl in my throat to tear loose. Instead, I focused back on a car entering the gates of our community. It was a massive, shiny black SUV.  A Mercedes that had its windows slightly down, blasting our community with the power chords of an electric guitar.

No, wait.  A violin?

The sound was an electric violin. How unusual.

Unusual and painfully familiar.

My entire body tensed under the assault of memories that came along with that damned music. Memories that had been buried for nearly three years. Not just buried.  Burnt to ashes and poured out over a vast, endless body of water. Except, even that made me think of her.

How could I not think of her?

She was fucking everywhere. Her music blasted through every radio. Her voice spoke in soothing tones over daily television. Her face was plastered on every billboard and magazine.

Lorcan Louvre.

Loved by everyone. Adored by all.

I had to assume that was why she had been eager to leave. Our love hadn’t been enough for her. We hadn’t been enough to bear the weight. That was fine. I was past it. I supposed I hadn’t even had a right to look at her. She had been only 15 and I just 18. Yet, somehow, I had gotten it into my young brain that what we had meant something to her. Now, I knew differently. When she had left in the middle of the night on a flight to Los Angeles, our contact had severed. Not that we hadn't attempted to reach her. We tried.

Oh, did we try.

Within six months, my sister had come into my room, tossing me a magazine. Lorcan’s face had been highlighted in perfect detail. Details that I knew all too well. Except her eyes.  He eyes had seemed different. Flatter. Emptier. As if over time, all the life had seeped out of them until they were left soulless.  Blank.

My office door slammed open as Rhett and I both turned to see Cash. His face was tense and absolute fury seemed to consume him. Our youngest brother, my enforcer, shook with rage and his leopard seemed very close to the surface.

“Cash?” Rhett asked with a raised brow.

“She’s back,” he hissed. “They are fucking back. Security just alerted me.”

I blinked twice before looking back toward the estate. Despite my fantastic vision, I couldn’t confirm it was them. Damn, but did I want to know for sure. It made sense that someone was home.  A massive number of cars had begun to accumulate in the driveway.

“So what?” I asked with no inflection. Rhett clasped his hands in front of him with a heartbreaking expression on his face. The sensitive bastard made me feel guilty for my easy dismissal.

“They are holding a fucking party, and both of them are…”

“Infamous,” Rhett offered softly. “They are both known for being absolute shit shows now.”

Apparently, these two had been paying attention to the Louvre twins more so than I. It didn’t surprise me.  They had been best friends with Cormac and Lorcan. My focus had been a little narrower.  Lorcan.

Hell, I may not have followed everything she did now, but I had kept my tabs a different way.

“How so?” I tilted my head as if I didn’t fucking care that she was only a mile or so away.

“Here.” Rhett tossed me his phone with an Instagram feed pulled up. It was an account with a blue checkmark next to it.

“There are only two posts,” I commented.

I Don’t Post.

Apparently, that was her tag. Very accurate, so it seemed.

“Her brother’s is ‘Don’t Follow Me.’ If it wasn’t so bad, it would be funny,” Cash muttered.

I studied both pictures intently. My gut turned as I laid eyes on Lorcan Louvre again.

Jesus Christ.

I had tried to ignore her, avoiding any hint of her over the past three years. If I had been paying closer attention, I would have seen just how much she changed.

“I didn’t think it was possible for her to get more beautiful.” Rhett commented lightly. “When I saw that, I realized how wrong I’d been.”

The photo showed her on a terrace in what appeared to be Thailand in a sheer dress.  The diaphanous garment showcased every inch of her long, curved body and highlighted those damned legs. She stood next to two other women, both taller than her, who sported tight, strained smiles. The company tagged was IME Modeling. I frowned at her expression, her seafoam green eyes trained on the camera with disinterest.

Her hair, unlike Mr. and Mrs. Louvre, laid in messy waves of silken blonde down to her shoulders. The entire mass seemed to sparkle with highlights of blue that shined brighter than her pale hair. Her shoulders were a deep tan that seemed to glisten in the tropical sunshine with the sheen of metallic gold. My lion rumbled in appreciation before I could swallow the threatening snarl at her barely-there outfit.

“Shit,” Cash muttered over my shoulder and put his hand to his head in distress. If I was feeling the pull as an alpha, I imagined they were feeling it as well. I thought time would have changed our reaction to Lorcan.

Apparently not.

“Next one,” Rhett pushed, looking distressed. I was starting to understand why this could be a bad thing. We had been attracted to her before. Well now, she seemed almost surreal. How could someone change so much in three years?

The next photo was of her and Cormac. Their features were elven, delicate and elegant, and trained on the camera ahead of them. The tag placed them in Sydney, Australia.  They seemed to be standing on a massive stage, both dressed in black. She held a smooth instrument that looked like a violin, but it was plugged in. He had a hand placed on a massive piano.

I hadn’t listened to much of her music. I always turned it off after the first thirty seconds. I didn’t need to hear it to know how amazing she was. I had been the one who sat with her through those damn lessons. She hadn’t wanted to be alone with anyone even though her male teacher had been nothing but professional. Even at a young age, far too many people noticed her beauty in a way that was inappropriate and uncomfortable. I had become her protector, allowing her to go about her life with ease. I had sat through thousands of those lessons in our estate’s music room.  I could practically play the damned violin myself.

“Now, look at her tagged photos,” Cash demanded.

Fuck.

The first and most startling thing to me was the number of men in her tagged photos.  Each photo showcased a different man. One man, however, kept showing up in the pictures, but they never seemed to be physically touching each other like she was with the other men. All the photos were at parties with openly exposed drugs laying around. A cigarette hanging from her mouth in nearly all of them. Tabloid covers posted close-ups of her dilated pupils.

“Call Maggie,” I demanded as Rhett dialed our little sister’s phone number.

“What’s up losers?” she asked lazily over the phone, probably lounging only a few floors down.

“Do you know what Lorcan has been up to these past few years?” I asked, still focused on the photos. Pictures of her traveling.  Partying. Hanging out of windows, or on stage at concerts.  A million other upsetting situations blurred across my vision. I tried to ignore the tightness in my chest, my lion prompting me to watch out for her. To protect her. Damn it. I had no right to feel this way about her.  Not anymore.

She hadn’t wanted us.

“Why?” Maggie asked, excitement twinging her voice.

“They’re back.”

The call disconnected as a simultaneous scream erupted from our 15-year-old sister downstairs. I widened my eyes as the rushed patter of her small feet made their way up the stairs in fifteen seconds flat.

Her blonde head popped in. “Please don’t tell me you are teasing! That would be unreal.”

I forgot that she had been too young to see Lorcan as a friend. Not that she was a friend anymore.

Cash grunted. “What do you know?”

Maggie sighed wistfully and moved toward my computer. She pulled down the interactive screen so we could see the desktop. I sat down as the three of us settled in, except for Maggie who bounced with energy.

“The question is, what don’t I know?” she squealed. “This is her recent cover from the summer season.”

A larger-than-life photo appeared behind her revealing a familiar face. I felt a familiar tug in my gut as I met that seafoam green gaze. In the muted afternoon light from the forested backdrop, her edges of eyes darkened to a crisp green. It was a stunning photograph of a stunning woman. I could have spent hours memorizing every freckle and long, curled eyelash.

Shit.

This was almost too much to handle.

“But that doesn’t explain…” Cash began.

Maggie held up an arresting hand.  She brought up another photo.

“So, Cormac and Lorcan just recently released their first album, Black. This is from their performance in Sydney this past Spring. It was the only photo or recording they have ever allowed during their performance. They are highly sought after, and the tickets are ridiculously expensive. No one could believe that they had released an album. Most people say seeing them in person is an almost magical experience and people are willing to pay.”

I grunted. We were pretty fucking wealthy, but that still seemed excessive.

“Anyway, she signed with IME Modeling and has become insanely popular within only a year of being officially contracted. Critics are comparing her to Kate Moss, but I think she’s way more of a Bella…”

“Focus, Maggie,” I commanded.

“Right.” She huffed and flipped her hair back before clicking to the next photo. “Okay, so what do you want to know?”

“Her partying,” Cash snarled from beside Rhett, whose eyes were still trained on her photo.

“She is a total mess,” she explained as if discussing homework. “And somewhat of a mystery. It’s her thing. She does crazy shit, and no one ever calls her on it. If anything, it makes her more popular. Then again, they are richer than god.”

“Maggie,” I snapped. I didn’t need the reminder.

She groaned. “Pretty much what we know is she models, performs with her brother, and parties like she is going to die tomorrow. Other than that, we know nothing about her personal life. In order to go to any of their private events, you have to sign an NDA.”

Rhett chuckled, “Well, this should be fun. Think we will have to sign NDAs for pride events, now?”

Cash shook his head but spoke to a different question. “Who are all the guys in her photos? Boyfriends?”

Maggie grinned and shook her head with big eyes.

“Absolutely not. That is the one thing she is open about. Ever since her seventeenth birthday, when she broke up with Toris, she hasn’t dated anyone for more than a week. The only other person who is around her is a photographer, Hayden,” she began.

“Wait. What?” Rhett frowned with interruption, “Like, she has dated all of those guys?”

Maggie shrugged. “Who knows? All I know is that there is a long line of broken hearts behind her. The men don’t even seem upset about her breaking up with them. They all talk about how perfect she is. Humans are pretty simple-minded though, so who knows.”

I frowned and stood up while straightening my long-sleeved button down. “Alright. I am heading over there. I’ve heard enough. This doesn’t sound like them, so I need to see it for myself.”

I really wanted to be around her. I wanted to remove this itch from under my skin. I needed to convince myself my reaction was just because of my weird obsession with her. It had been a compulsion since I was young. I wouldn’t admit to anything more than that.

“Who is Toris?” Cash asked.

Maggie smiled and pulled up a photo. “He’s related to Senator Malcroy from California.”

I looked up at the sound of the well-known name. The supernatural community knew him for being a sadistic fuck and I had no issue believing it from the ever-present, wicked gleam in his eye. How would humans feel if they knew their senator was a demon? My eyes found Lorcan between two men who shared similar features. One was older with dark hair tinged with silver that matched his reflective eyes. His suit was well-made. Their background was one of opulences. The younger man, assumingly Toris, had his eyes trained on Lorcan. I’m sure it looked doting to most.

I could only describe as dark.

Did anyone notice the way she seemed to lean away from him? The pull on her dark dress that clued into his bruising grasp? The tightness of her jaw? No, I’m sure they didn’t. I stared up at the photo a moment longer before grabbing my wallet.

Fuck that shit.

He wasn’t allowed to look at her like that. Nobody was.

“I’m coming,” Rhett commented. I knew they both would follow.

“Not you, Maggie. You can meet her later,” I ordered.  My little sister rolled her eyes before shoving past us. I shrugged.  It was for the best. We had no idea what we would find at their house. We had no idea just how bad this party would be.

I flew down the stairs, passing room after room of our light and airy estate. I didn’t need to explain my quickness and lack of patience. I could feel my brothers’ energy and knew they felt the same tug I felt.

“This is fucking terrible,” Cash hissed.

“Guys,” Rhett muttered, “let’s give them a chance. They used to be, well, Lorcan and Cormac used to be our best friends.”

Yeah, I thought.  Then she fucking left.  Then they fucking left.

“Whatever.  She left. We didn’t.” Cash grunted.

Rhett smiled. “It’s not like we can ignore this feeling.  I know I’m not the only one feeling the need to be near her. It’s just like when we were younger.”

I rolled my eyes and slid into our BMW, revving the engine before I sped down the drive. The community was large.  It was at least two miles to their estate. My mind raced the entire way.  As we pulled into to their drive, I began to recognize some very familiar cars.

“Did they invite the entire pride?” Cash chuckled darkly.

I shook my head. “Come on, let’s go.”

The driveway was steep, but I made it up to the heavy doorway. I raised a hand and knocked loudly. Security stood sentinel at either side of the door but made no move to aid us in our efforts. They didn’t make us sign an NDA either. One rumor quashed.

The doors were thrown open.

I looked into two familiar faces. Instantly the two pride members froze, and their smiles melted. Behind them, bodies swayed to music as sunlight poured into the massive open floor plan. It was an odd juxtaposition, the modern furniture standing like a museum display as absolute chaos churned around it. I couldn’t see the person I wanted to, but I could feel the fucking tug.

“Alpha Dean,” Jonathan said with big eyes, blushing. If I had to assume, it was likely due to his state of undress, bare-chested in pants. The kid was under eighteen for fucking sure. I would handle that later.

“We had no idea you would show up,” the woman on his side squeaked. I only knew her as Maria. She was a wolf, not a lion, but lived in the compound.

“Are the Louvre’s around?” I asked them quietly.

“Upstairs,” she answered immediately. I met Rhett’s eyes as he nodded. We stepped through the doorway into the chaos.

Absolutely chaos.

It wasn’t a messy, disgusting party. In fact, in an odd way, it was beautiful. Sunlight. Smiles. Beautiful shifters. Music. Everything seemed celebratory. As we walked in, the room quieted just slightly.  I couldn’t blame them. We towered over nearly everyone and didn’t exactly look like we were in a celebratory mood.

I moved toward the stairs without a second look. What I wanted was upstairs.

Chapter 2

Lorcan

“Shouldn't I know how to do this by now? Can somebody tell me how to figure this out? You say I'm most beautiful when I open up. But if I can't do that am I still enough?”

- Coming of Age by Maddie Medley

“Why are you upset I killed him?” Cormac sighed while standing over his recent victim. My twin looked very confused. It was a curious response. I didn’t think it was due to his recent murder. No, I think Violet’s reaction confused him.

Violet sobbed into her hands as she continued to shake on the ground. Her pretty, white sundress was covered in blood from the now drenched carpeting. I pulled deeply on my cigarette before standing up from the bed. The bed that was now torn apart.

One minute.

I had been home one minute.

My hands smoothed over the expensive grand piano that Cormac had delivered here. His suite was beautiful. The ceilings were arched with a plush carpet floor. The dress I wore fell behind me. I now wish I hadn’t changed into something nicer after arriving through the back entrance. The dress I had chosen had been an innocent cream color made of silk that fell nearly to the ground. Now it was a guilty red as it picked up the blood pooling between the bed and piano.

Who puts a piano this close to their bed, I thought?

Only an artist.

I played a soft few notes, reflecting upon my introduction back into Arizona culture. So far, it wasn’t all that different from L.A.

“Oh! Hold on!” Cormac rushed over with a frazzled smile. He took his bloody fingers and repeated the tune I played but added to it. I could hear the violin counterpart. He was always far more creative than I. My fingers mirrored his pattern, following the blood stains he had left on the bone white keys.

“Beautiful,” I commended. Not everyone appreciated our creation.

“Why did you kill him!” Violet screamed. I groaned. The little shifter was overreacting now.

“He was trying to force you and in my own damned bedroom,” Cormac reasoned while looking up from the piano. “Now, he can’t.”

I wanted to suggest if she got up now, her white dress wouldn’t be ruined. Eh. It was her stain to get out.

Violet’s sudden pale complexion warned me of her upcoming sickness before she vomited onto the nice white carpet. Damn, I thought. Jeannie and Nelson would know we had a party when we had to order new carpet. Oh, well. It could wait till morning.

Most of the local pride was downstairs. I knew without a doubt Dean would follow. I could feel him.  All three of them. My high only enhanced their energy. I knew it, the minute they had stepped through the door. Three years. We hadn’t been back in three years. Yet, I still knew their energy like my own.

“How are you not upset?” Violet screeched. “This is not okay!”

“You’re right. Assaulting a woman is never okay,” Cormac confirmed before lighting his own cigarette. My brother had been on this kick since last year. Lately, though, I entertained the idea his lines were becoming blurred. This, though, was straight forward.

I leaned forward on the bench, facing away from the piano. My silk dress continued its transformation from cream to red. I tipped Violet’s head up and met her pretty brown eyes.

“Now, Violet,” I chided. “It’s clear my brother did you a service, right? I mean, sure you're witness to a murder, but I have no doubt assault wouldn’t have been a preferable alternative. I mean, you did call for help. He helped. Plus, your alpha…”

The door swung open, wafting a woodsy scent towards my nostrils. Three years. I hadn’t smelled that unique scent in three years, but. I remembered vividly. I knew exactly who it belonged to.

“Deanie!” I smiled brightly and smoothed Violet’s hair which, ironically, was not purple. “How do you like the place? I had no idea Jeannie and Nelson had changed up the décor so much.”

My gaze met a pair of blank lapis lazuli-colored eyes framed by thick dark lashes. I could feel the tension in his massive 6’6” frame as he rolled his crisp white sleeves. Without a word, the dark-haired man knelt and placed a tanned hand to feel the very dead man’s pulse, or lack thereof. His dark curls fell to his shoulders in an odd, rugged way. When had he grown a beard? It was trimmed and neat. I liked it. Although I missed the glasses and the cute little tweed suits he used to wear.

Damn. Three years. I could feel my high enhance the sense of mild contentment when I saw him.  When I was high, I didn’t feel like I was going to die from the inescapable pain. I also didn’t feel so awkward.

“He’s dead, Doc,” Cormac announced before playing another happy tune. The morbid scene should have made me feel uncomfortable, but I felt at peace.  Both with the dead body and the contrasting, light-hearted piano tune.

“You ripped out his spinal cord?” Dean leveled me with just a look.

Unfazed, Cormac began to play with a thin strand of Violet’s hair. He continued playing piano with the other hand as her sobs grew louder. I had to admit it. This was probably fairly traumatizing for her.

I blinked twice, perplexed. “Well, Cormac had nearly killed him. His screams were annoying. Consider it assisted suicide.”

“Not that he deserved the help,” my twin groaned. “He was assaulting Violet. We should have let him bleed out.”

Dean looked to Violet and frowned. “Is that true?”

Violet nodded. She attempted to speak, but the sobs choked her off.

“If you can’t calm down, I’m going to need you to shift,” Dean replied in a slightly softer tone.

Violet sobbed some more.

“Come on love,” Cormac cooed and lifted her from the ground. She let out a plaintive cry and I didn’t hide my cringe at her display of human-like emotions.

“So,” I looked back at Dean, both of us kneeling near the corpse. “How have you been?”

Dean’s eyes darkened as he met mine. His jaw clenched. Everything about him was harder, more masculine than when he had been seventeen. I imagined that being an alpha at only twenty was a lot of responsibility. I despised the whole “alpha” thing for that reason alone.

“Good.” He leveled out his expression to a blank slate.

“Fantastic!” I chirped, feeling light-hearted. “Where are your brothers?”

“Bunny!” A loud voice boomed through the room. I smiled as Rhett tumbled into the room. Only a pair of tight black jeans clothed all 6’5” of him. Immediately, I flung myself at him. I enjoyed the feel of his warm arms around me. I don't normally like physical affection, but Rhett was an exception. My drug-addled brain insisted this was a fantastic idea.

It wasn’t like any of this was real.

Nothing in my life was real. It was all a product of other people’s desires and illusions.

“You have some new ink.” I pulled back as he hooked my legs around his waist. I examined the golden brown of his skin. The colorful artwork tattooed beneath the surface blended into explosive shades of green, blue, and purple. Ocean colors. Galaxy colors.

Rhett grinned, a joint hanging from his sculpted lips. “I got them for you. I figured if you ever came back, you would like to look at them.”

I put a hand to my chest. “Rhett that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Between the two of them, Rhett had changed the most. His body was covered in artwork from his neck down to his fingertips. All of it smoothed together in long waves and cosmic patterns. I explored the metallic nature of his tattoos. He shook his black curls, long on the top but short on the sides, to reveal his intense artic eyes. Where Dean came off as indifferent, Rhett exuded playfulness. It didn’t surprise me he had attempted to act like nothing had changed. I wondered if there was any truth to his comment about the tattoo.

“All for you bunny,” he cooed softly. “Now, why is this bitch screaming?”

Cormac laughed darkly from the bed. “Call her that again. I’ll fucking kill you.”

Rhett put me down after a kiss to my head, peeking over my shoulder. “Is that a promise, you bastard?”

My brother smiled and greeted Rhett with a big hug. I noticed both did their best to not kick the body in passing. Good for them. That was polite. Weird. If I remember correctly, these boys weren’t fantastic at being polite.

“Why did you come back?” Dean asked as his power radiated over me like a warm blanket.

I always had an odd relationship with Dean. The two of us were very different, yet I couldn’t help my attraction for him. The man was like a vast dry landscape filled with deadly yet beautiful creatures. I was like a deep body of water that darkened the further you dove until no light reached you. He was insensitive, indifferent, and relaxed, with a tad bit of natural intensity. There were few people who didn’t listen to him and not just because he was alpha of the local pride. I even found myself listening to him, which was odd. The trait I loved most about Dean, though?

He was absolutely ruthless.

Like a mob boss, but without the drama.  Like Henry VIII without the passion.  Like a robot, but…I hesitated.  No.  That did seem about right. In those moments of icy cold ruthlessness, I saw a small hint of the psycho I knew and loved. It only came out occasionally. For example, when he was collecting a dossier on every influential person within the state. No, I considered.  That was business. Business didn’t mix with crazy.

He was totally the alpha of every girl’s dream.

Well, at least this girl. Nothing like a man who's incapable of expressing emotions to get me going. That character flaw made my toes curl with excitement although I seemed to be exempt from his ruthless attitude, which was unfortunate in its own right.

However, it did seem Deanie had a bit of crush before I left, and now it seemed he was holding a grudge. It didn’t stop him from running his hand along my waist as we watched Cormac and Rhett’s reunion. The two began talking in animated voices.  I remembered when I believed their affection was real.  When I believed someone could experience affection toward me.

Ah. Those were the days.

I winced as Dean’s hand brushed over my bruise.

“What the fuck is that?” Dean turned me so fast my body slammed against his.

Oh yeah. That helped the bruising.  Thanks Dean.

“What is what?” I asked with a feigned blank expression. Do you know how hard it is to keep a fucking straight expression when you’re high? My lips just wanted to curl, and my eyes wanted to close. He started to respond but snapped his head back toward the door instead.

“Cash!” Dean’s voice warned, but I was already sailing from Dean’s arms, flying backward in the air toward the wall. I let out a wildly inappropriate laugh as a familiar rage-filled leopard slammed me against the hard surface. His hand braced the back of my head. I didn’t drop my cigarette, though. I considered that both a pleasant success and a cultivated talent. My eyes peered up at a pair of fury-filled, slate blue eyes that sparkled with a threatening promise of retribution.

The pain from my bruises and his grip made me gasp. For the first time in a long time, I felt alive.

Healthy, Lorcan. Very healthy.

“Hey handsome.  I see you’re back from anger management,” I teased.

“You fucking left,” Cash snarled.

“No shit,” I chuckled and dragged my nails up his golden cheekbones. His jawline was shadowed with stubble, his hair a rich auburn color. Despite being adopted, he still resembled his brothers. The biggest difference was hair color and a leaner build.

Of course, there was always his temperament. His unbridled rage, more specifically. Enough rage that he was sent to anger management after killing someone in a fight.  That part wasn’t a joke.

I had to be honest with myself.  Despite not wanting to see them, I had kept my ear to the ground for news over the past three years. It was vaguely pathetic.

Cash’s hand slipped into my hair and tilted my neck back. “You can’t just come back.”

“I did though.” I sighed at the slight sting.

“Cash!” Dean snapped. Both of us jumped. Cash’s eyes sparkled down at me as he pressed me further into the wall.

“It’s just foreplay,” he mumbled and ground into me. I groaned at the sensation and offered him a coy smile. I could feel desire uncurling from my abdomen at the feel of him pressing against me.

It didn’t take much to understand what had happened along the way. Why I liked a little pain with my pleasure. It came down to the fact that I was a tad fucked up. My first experience with sexual intimacy had been with Toris, followed by one of the worst beatings imaginable. So, I thought.  Talk about your foreplay.  Apparently, things had only been heating up for Toris. After the very first time, a cycle began of pain, his apologetic insistence, make-up sex, then the requisite, mind-numbing beating. Again, and again, I fell for it, even when his friend Momon joined in on the beatings. Eventually, after a month or two, the pretense dropped away, and sex stopped being part of the scenario. Now, he just wanted to beat me. The damage had been done though. The synaptic connection made.

So, yeah. I was conditioned. Like Pavlov’s fucking dogs.  I associated pain with pleasure.

I was a sick puppy.

Add it to the goddamned list.  The ever-growing list of reasons why this life needed to be shortened.

“I missed you,” Cash nipped my nose and brought me back to the present moment.  He backed away. I winked and swayed back toward the center of the room where the body lay lifeless. I harbored more than a modicum of jealousy.

“Please let me leave!” Violet sobbed again. All five of us looked at her. Cormac soothed her hair in a repetitive motion and amused himself by telling her odd stories.

“I’ve got you now,” he cooed.  I felt the shift of energy. He was careful about it. He never displayed more than what people assumed we had as normal elves. It worked, and Violet calmed down. Dean met my eyes as those lapis lazuli eyes darkened.

“What?” I asked with an innocent expression.

“What was that?” he asked, his voice laced with danger.

“What was what?” Cormac echoed.

“It felt like someone hit me over the head with an axe.” Rhett chuckled before lifting me into his arms. “Worse, come to think of it.  Cash did that to me once.”

I liked when Rhett picked me up. My butt wedged on top of his folded arms and I leaned over the top of his head, my arms wrapped around his neck. I felt relaxed. Disappointment threatened.  My comfort and cordial familiarity would be gone the minute sobriety kicked in. I wouldn’t be nearly as nice to them then. I would need to do a few lines soon if I wanted this reunion to stay nice.

“Don’t borrow my shit, then,” Cash snapped.

“Lorcan!” A voice called.  I smiled at Hayden’s voice. I had expected this.  I knew he would get antsy.

“Who the fuck is that?” Cash asked as Rhett nipped my neck.

Possessive shifters. Always so clingy and territorial.

I batted my eyes at Cash three times while smiling slowly. “Jealous? What if I say we’re lovers?”

A rumble sounded from deep in Dean’s chest as Hayden stepped through the door. Dean’s hand shot out to grasp his neck. Hayden’s familiar violet fog eyes sparked with mirth.

“Are these your kitty cats, then?” Hayden purred, unfazed by Dean’s vise-like grip on his neck. He was easily more dangerous than any of the shifters in this room, despite his small stature.

“Yes,” I sighed flippantly. “These are the men the fifteen-year old me abandoned when I ran off in the middle of the night. Hayden meet Dean, Rhett, and Cash.   Oh, and that’s Violet. So, I’m told.”

“Why the fuck did you not say my name first?” Cash asked.

I grinned. “Because I don’t like you as much.”

He chuckled as Rhett buried his nose in my hair.

“Who are you?” Dean asked in a lackluster tone.

“Me?” Hayden asked with a smile. In a mere second, his body dissolved into purple smoke and reformed a few feet away from Dean. Dean cocked a vaguely curious eyebrow, but otherwise looked unfazed.

“Just a jinn,” he smiled, “and a realistic photographer. So, if you don’t mind, my high is setting in soon and I need to capture this spectacular carnage.”

Jinn were an interesting species. Despite being from the demonic realm, they had qualities that were far more playful than demonic. Like how the elven realm was accessed through a portal, the demonic realm could be as well. I believed the demonic portal was in New Orleans. Humans called it hell. I just called Hayden’s family home a nice place to visit for Christmas break. Fantastic weather. Not that I was ever invited for holidays.

Cormac and I usually ordered Chinese and watched horror movies. We really weren’t spirited folks. At least not the holly-sprig toting kind.

“Oh! That reminds me.” I reached into my cleavage and pulled out the small container I had secured there. It was filled with heroin.

“The rumors are true?” Dean’s lapis lazuli eyes were dark.

“What rumors?” I mumbled as I lifted a powdered covered finger and inhaled.

“You’re doing drugs, now?”

I felt a small flicker of annoyance.

You’re doing drugs now?

No shit, Dean. My life was rarely private anymore, but it didn’t really matter. Who truly gave a fuck?

It was surprising how disagreeable he was being, though. No one had dared call me out on my shit in years.

“Yeah,” I stretched my arms up before resting my head on top of Rhett’s dark hair.  His strong arms still supported me under my butt. “I have never been one to give up my vices.  Ever. You know how elves are.”

Hayden nodded from the floor as he took a shot of the body, his hands bloody. “It’s true. She indulges often. Except for food. It’s why the industry and the camera loves her.”

“Thanks, baby,” I cooed as he looked up at me with a sexy wink.

“Lorcan,” Cash accused as he moved in front of Rhett and me.

“What?” I snuggled further into his lemony scent.

“Why are you doing drugs?” I shrugged.

Dean spoke in a harsh pained tone. “Who the fuck cares?”

Oh! Dean had gained an emotional spectrum. Round of applause. It seemed bitterness currently held the lead.

Rhett snickered. “Don’t act stupid, brother. You hit someone for even mentioning her name the other day. You fucking care.”

I perked up with a goofy grin. “Is it true, Deanie? Do you still care?”

He rolled his eyes.

I smiled. Good. He shouldn’t. None of them should. It’s for the best.

“Lorcan,” Cash ventured. I looked down at him and smiled, causing his face to tense further.

“What?” I demanded softly.

“How accurate are the rumors?” he asked with venom, grasping my chin firmly.

“Cash, unless you want to be thrown into a wall,” Cormac spoke lightly to avoid waking Violet. “You’re going to let go of my sister.”

“I sorta like it,” I admitted. “I feel like he might actually hurt me.”

For just a moment, I saw Cash’s eyes falter before he offered me a small smile. These boys were tough and ruthless. But there was a line. A line where Dean stopped his coldness. Where Cash pulled back from his rage. Where Rhett stopped making jokes. I didn’t have that line. There had never been a fucking line for me.

Madness doesn’t adhere to lines.

“Do you want to be hurt, Lorcan?” Rhett asked. “Is that what has changed after all these years?”

It was true. The four of us had been fast friends from the time I was a young child until I turned fifteen. Being with them was like coming home. Being with them was natural. But I had changed, and they had grown harder. They no longer knew me. And now, I knew all too well that their affection was only because of my powers. No one could love us, Cormac and me.

It wasn’t possible.

“I want whatever you need,” I teased.

It was true. I was reflective. It was part of the deal.  I could be whatever they wanted. Cash wanted someone to fight with. Rhett wanted a friend. Dean wanted a queen. I could be all and one at the same time. And I would…for them. If only because of the fond remembrance of how we used to be close.

It was an odd realization, knowing that no one could love you. Very odd. It allowed you to see clearly who you loved. I knew that despite my small, dried-up heart that these three occupied a very important place lodged in the middle of my chest.

For most of our lives, Cormac and I had grown up in Arizona within these very walls. Jeannie and Nelson Louvre had raised us with a lax hand and spoke to us as if we were adults instead of children. That should have been my first clue that we were adopted. Also, we looked nothing like them, but I digress. I didn’t blame them, and I wasn’t positive they knew we knew.

The summer before high school, I had come home to witness a massive fight between the two of them. Cormac had stumbled in behind me after leaving the Reids’ house. At the time, the five of us had been thick as thieves. With little adult supervision, we spent nearly every moment together. Their father was far too obsessed with leading the pride and their mother had run away years before. Jeannie and Nelson traveled nearly every other week. They employed nannies to watch over us or made us promise to stay at the Reids’. We were always welcome at the other’s home.

The Louvre house had been filled with elemental power, so typical of elven creatures, Jeanie connected through air and Nelson connected through earth. That day, the entire house had smelt of storms and disrupted soils. That was when I heard the shouts.

“They are just kids,” Nelson had hissed. “I don’t want to disrupt everything they know just to make you feel better!”

“I can’t keep this secret anymore!” Jeanie had tossed a lamp across the room. I had heard it shatter, although I still couldn’t see either of them. “Cormac asked me only yesterday why we looked different than them.”

“Lies!” Nelson had roared. “No kid needs to learn they are adopted before high school.”

Cormac and I had both shared a singular look before backing out of the house, heading back toward the Reids’ place. We never told them of the conversation and instead began focusing our efforts to figure out what exactly made us different. If we weren’t like them, then what exactly were we?

Right before the start of the school year, my twin and I had awoken to a distant call. It was as if something had altered or changed in our body.

It was then that…well, that was when everything changed.

I swallowed hard, trying to forget.  Forget what had made us realize we were doomed to an incomparable loneliness. I could feel sadness flooding my lungs, like drowning water. Consuming. Dark. It was like sticky tar grasping my legs and threatening to pull me under.

I almost suffocated in the darkness before refocusing on my high.

I clapped my hands together.  “Now that we have had this lovely reunion, I need to go celebrate. Our album party is tomorrow, and I need to look tip-top for that event.”

Rhett tilted my head and frowned.  I awarded him a fun, carefree smile and slipped down to the floor. Hayden stood up and picked up his shoes from the floor, blood dripping casually from them and onto the white carpet. I can’t imagine there was any blood left in the crumpled mass on the floor.

“I’ll handle clean up,” Cormac announced. He always did a good job cleaning. Even the night before we left, it had been neat. I hadn’t needed to rip out the creature’s spine that night, though.

“I didn’t mean to kill him,” Cormac had complained.

I had finished my cigarette as I stared down at the very dead body on our private dock.

“So why did you?” I had asked with amusement.

Cormac stood barefoot with a cigarette in his blood-stained hands. I knew he would complain about that later, but it had been his choice to kill without a weapon. A crime of passion.

“You should have heard him Lorcan,” my brother pleaded. “He’s a rapist, for stars’ sake!” My brother had always been far more tuned into the desires of those around us. Conversely, I tried to tune everyone out, so I had to trust what he felt was accurate.

“Are you positive he was a rapist? Or was that just his desire? Did you catch him with anyone?”

My brother had enough sensibility to look contrite. “No. I supposed it could have just been a desire.” I had known why it had made him so mad, though. And I hadn’t blamed him. Not one bit.

I had hummed and placed a hand on my twin’s shoulder “Good thing we are leaving tomorrow.”

Cormac had nodded and hoisted the body up and into the massive private lake that existed behind our estate. I had found myself gazing upward at the starlit cosmos. The screams had echoed through my mind like the worst of horror movies.

“Lots of noise tonight,” Cormac had commented.  He had tugged off his shirt and tossed it to let it sink with the remains of his anonymous victim. I was glad he could hear the star calls as well.

I had nodded. “You should hear it on my end.”

Cormac had shaken his head as we left the dock, walking back toward our massive sandstone estate in the suburbs of Los Angeles. I would miss California, but Jeannie and Nelson wanted us home for our senior years. We owed them that. At least, they hadn’t given us a hard time about wanting to live in L.A. for the first three years of high school. But they needed someone to watch their estate. Too bad they didn’t love us. Most days, I could almost pretend we were a happy family.

I winced at a particularly loud cry.

The planets had screamed as the horrors of the cosmos beat down savagely on the earth realm with little remorse. Invisible to the human eye, dark ones suffocated stars and laughed in a twisted delight of loss. My place in this? Absolutely nothing. I just could hear it. A small stream of pastel blue blood had fallen down my nose and onto my oversized white shirt. I hadn’t even bother to clean it up.

Cormac wasn’t nearly as connected to our universe as I, but he was far more connected to humans and their desires. I wasn’t positive which was worse. Our indifferent universe or fickle humans. At that moment, I felt like a neighbor trying to ignore the couple fighting upstairs, annoyed, but indifferent. Except it shouldn’t have just been annoying. It should have been terrifying.

Our universe was terrifying.

At least when I was outside of my mortal body the agony didn’t have the ability to hurt me, to wrench my soul. I took one last look out at our still, star-filled lake, knowing that the next day would be filled with burdens I had long forgotten.

I had wondered if anyone would ever find the body down at the bottom of the lake?

I had wondered what it would be like to be that body.

Chapter 3

Lorcan

“I only love it when you touch me, not feel me. When I'm fucked up, that's the real me.”

-The Hills by The Weekend

I didn’t stay to see anyone’s reactions to his comment. Instead, I walked along the hallway. The carpet gave way to slate that reflected against the glass railing. Our upstairs had been blocked so the madhouse of bodies downstairs didn’t impede our path. Hayden scowled through his camera’s collection of recent photos as I let out a cat nap sized yawn. My entire body hurt from standing for so long. Either that or the heroin was making me sleepy.  Both options were entirely possible.

I smiled.  I smiled most when I was high.

“How do you feel after seeing them?” Hayden asked with mild interest.

Now that I was back around the kitty cats, I couldn’t deny the dangerous pull they had. Dean my indifferent psycho. Rhett my loving puppy with a perverted sense of humor and Cash. Well, Cash was just a temperamental guy. I mean, he really had some rage issues. I slipped my hand into Hayden’s and gave it a light squeeze as we entered my bedroom. My dress dripped blood across the floor.

Hayden didn’t demand an answer.  Then again, he didn’t really care. I gave him some credit for even asking how I felt.

Hayden sprawled out on my bed. He began flipping through his camera as I pulled off my silk dress and tossed it into the corner. I wasn’t opposed to blood on me, but I hadn’t seen the people downstairs in three years. There is something said about second impressions.

“Your Instagram is blowing up,” Hayden commented as he checked my phone. “In fact, people are tagging pictures of your house.”

I laughed softly. “I have two photos on my actual Instagram. The last time I logged on was…oh, wait.  That was you. I don’t even have the app.”

My room was nothing like I had left it. The soft carpeted floors and canopy bedding were long gone. Now the floor was a smooth slate with gold, minimalist walls that seemed to wave in and out toward the floor. A smooth stream of salt water poured down the golden wall from the ceiling and into the filter on the floor resulting in a peaceful, yet trippy, display of water. I breathed in the scent of sea salt, before continuing my appraisal.

When I was younger, pictures and books used to adorn every inch of this room. Now, a massive dark bed with silk sheets lay sunken into the floor with an imposing gold structure perched above. It was a wave-like figure, glinting under the directed lighting.  Onyx colored night stands maintained a silent, impassive sentinel on either side. My eyes surveyed the two dark arch ways that led to the closet and bathroom.

How many memories did I have of the four of us running through here, my kitty cats and me?

My heart bled, just a tiny, black drop, at the thought of it being false. All of it.

False.

Instead of wallowing in my dark thoughts, I considered the vast environment change from California. A massive wall of windows opened onto the landscape of our suburb in tones of purple, blue, and orange. The sun was beginning to set, and my stone patio sat awaiting company outside. I paused to wonder how warm the surface would be under my feet.

I slipped a hand into the purse near my bedside, bending slightly to pull out a pill. It would help, like the heroin. I anxiously awaited a shipment of B-34. B-34 was a drug directly from the elven realm.  It purported to be stronger than any human or demonic drug on the market. Until it arrived, I would have to deal with puny human drugs. I had yet to find any drug that would do permanent damage. Maybe B-34 would be a winner.

“You have bruises,” Hayden noted.

“MMA,” I mumbled. “I’ve been training.”

Once again, he blithely accepted my comment because it was all he wanted to hear. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t a bad guy. Our nature just didn’t allow the other look past the superficial meaning of our words. I had grown used to this aspect of our relationship.

“What the hell?” A deep growl made me snap my head towards the door.  Cash stood in the entranceway, shoulders heaving, nostrils flaring.

“What’s your problem?” I sneered.

He stepped forward and motioned to my body. I looked down at my lace bra and panties. Hayden looked up in confusion as well. Cash vibrated with anger. His tongue dipped out to lick his lips, a silver piercing winking in and out of sight. I saw hunger in his eyes but also something else.  His eyes traced the bruises. The something else was concern.

Well. That’s odd.

“Out!” He shouted at Hayden. The jinn snickered with an exaggerated eye roll.  He sauntered past Cash, nonplussed by his evident rage. I couldn’t help but admire his cute butt in passing, but Cash produced a growl that drew my attention.

“Cash,” I stationed my hands on my hips. “I have no room in my life for…”

It was clear the youngest Reid brother hadn’t developed patience in the time I had been away. My lips were forced open as he backed me into the wall, slamming both of us into the wall of water that poured from the ceiling. My entire body exploded under his touch, my toes curled reflexively, and my nails dug sharply into his biceps. That tongue piercing invaded my mouth as he moaned into the kiss.

Kissing was nothing new to Cash and me.  No.  He had been my first kiss.  One of the only ones I remembered.

One of the only ones I wanted to remember.

“What the hell?” Cash pulled back.  He frowned at the bitter taste in his mouth.

I grinned and stuck out my tongue which still held part of an undissolved pill. “Bad kitty. That’s why you don’t kiss without asking.”

Cash’s face flushed red before his eyes grew stormy. He gripped my hips harder. I moaned softly at the pain as he pulled my head back and leaned down to bite my ear.

“I’m going to punish you for that.”

“Promises,” I teased.

Something shifted in his face, a brief emotion flickering, and his fingers grew softer. He pulled back and the aggressive sexual tension deflated. His gaze drifted toward my bruised ribs and the yellowish-green discoloration on the outside of my hips. I knew he had forgotten about the damage, caught up in his possessiveness. Like I said, it was natural for shifters.

I couldn’t imagine caring for something enough to be possessive about it.

“Where are the bruises from Lorcan?” He asked quietly.

I could hear the subdued anger in his voice. Despite his aggressive tendencies, I knew that he would never hurt me. I mean, he might leave a bite mark or two, but he would never hurt me with malicious intent.

He wasn’t Toris. He wasn’t evil.

“MMA training?” I tried the lie again.

“Bullshit.” He whispered. I felt something spark in my chest at his argument.

“I…”

“You don’t have to tell me now.” He tilted my chin up. “But, I’m not a patient man, Lorcan.  You’ve been gone three years and I need…we all need some answers.”

Cash left abruptly. He left me with water streaming over my half-naked body, just as the euphoria settled in. Wasn’t the first time the youngest Reid had left me wet.  I chuckled at the thought and immediately moaned.

Oh, how I craved for that emotion to be authentic!  How I wished he was upset because he was authentically passionate.

Without prelude, I stepped out of the water wall and into the gray tiled bathroom to wash my legs. The blood seeped down into the drain. It pooled at the edge dissolving into a light pink and then slowly clearing before washing completely away. I dried off my smooth tan legs, working up one foot at a time, before stepping up to the mirror.

At 5’7”, I was one of the shortest models in the industry. If it hadn’t been for my elven features, I doubted I would have enjoyed any success. My limbs were long and lean, my hips flared out subtly from a tiny waist and small breasts. As a teenager, I had been slightly gangly. Now that had been replaced with toned muscles. I wish I could have claimed I had worked for them.

Cash was right, though. There was no MMA fighting in my life.

I wish there was.  Maybe then I would have stood a chance.  But I didn’t have the option to fight Toris. He just did whatever he wanted to me.

There wasn’t much that my elven genetics did for me, other than looks. My brother and I both had sun-kissed skin and pale golden hair that curled down to our shoulders. A series of shiny blue highlights threaded through my hair, completely natural. They had shown up around our fourth morning in California. My brother had a few light lilac streaks he desperately tried to make unnoticeable.

Our faces were angular with softer but pointed chins that accented our high cheekbones. We had an almost feline look about us that featured our light lashes and wide seafoam green eyes. It was inarguable.  The two of us were beautiful.

Wasn’t that the point though?

I let my long nails trace over my bruises. I noticed the way it really did look like the imprint of his fist. God, how had it gotten this bad? My musing was interrupted as the sole reason for my problems ripped through me.

Star calls.

I gripped the sink as a star call tore through me, rattling my bones and teeth. I could hear them. It wasn’t even a call.  It was an agonizing, soul-shredding scream…and I could hear them. Only in sleep could I escape the calls. Only in death could I rid my mind of the terrorizing of my brain. Echoes that trailed through me. Wails that broke my spine. There is no pain like the pain of an indifferent species.

Have you ever heard the cry of a dying star?

No. No, you fucking haven’t.

You haven’t heard the indifferent dark ones absorbing the natural light of our universe.  If you had… well, you would be dead.

A crack sounded through the room as my startled eyes snapped down to the broken counter. Shit.

Sorry Jeannie.

“Lorcan?” Rhett called. I swore a spirited epithet and strode forward. I met his tall frame in the doorway. There was a slight glaze to his eyes, but he was sharp enough to pick up on my tension. The man didn’t even notice that I only wore a bra and panties. Instead, his eyes went to the counter.

“You do that?” His artic eyes surveyed the damage.

“Do what?” I asked with feigned confusion. Elven creatures were known for being strong, right? Maybe not strong enough to crack a marble counter, but strong.

Rhett looked down at me.  He peered into my soul. Well, he attempted to. It was the same look that used to elicit willing confessions from me as a kid. Now, I just offered a careless smile and smoothed my hand over his chest.

“You look great, Rhett.” I offered sincerely, not even in distraction.

Rhett made a low sound in the back of his throat before walking me backwards, never taking his eyes off me. I could have broken his hold, but curiosity has always been my weakness. I let him lead me. My back hit the tile wall softly as he bent down to cage me between himself and the cold tile.

“Why?” He asked softly, then his hands trailed across my bruised ribs knowingly, probably because Cash had told him.  “And who?”

I knew what he was asking. It wasn’t one question and I knew it wasn’t one answer. As I mentioned, they had never been known for their patience.  It was also clear that they didn’t feel the need to reacquaint themselves. They firmly believed we could just pick up where we left off. But I hadn’t seen these men in three years. Their current attention was overwhelming. I mean, shit. Take a girl to coffee before asking her about her bruises.

I mused his question of “why.”

Why did I leave? Why did I never call? Why did I move on? Why did I show up now? Why was I different? Why? Why? WHY!

Then came the “who.”

My brain became overwhelmed with the sudden onslaught of emotions. If only I could tell Rhett everything. If only we could pick up where we left off three years ago. We couldn’t though, so their attempt to pick up like a book halfway through its story would be a failure. We were different people now and getting caught up in an old narrative would only serve to hurt all of us.

I had to push him away.

Every part of my demeanor shifted as some of the facade slipped. I allowed my darkness to peer out. The monster inside of me purred as it observed a very tense Rhett. I could feel his lion rattling to get out in response to my threat. It wasn’t that I was being aggressive. It was just our natural state. His breathing increased as his bright eyes turned dark as night.

I slipped back into the mask.

Rhett swallowed before pressing his lips into a thin line. “You’re back for good then?”

I knew it took a lot for him to not demand answers as a Beta. Despite his playful personality, he had a lot of dominance and authority in his character. I offered him a sad smile as I brought a hand up to his thick dark hair.

“I’m back until I leave.”

Those artic eyes bore into me for another minute before a lazy smile appeared on his face.

“Well, then we should go enjoy your party.” This was what I liked about Rhett. He understood that not all answers could be given. I slipped under his arm and walked out of the bathroom. My back heated with the unbidden appraisal of his eyes. I tried to ignore the way my heart beat around him. The dead shriveled thing was doing an odd teeter-totter to the side. It was awkward.

Once in my closet, I grabbed a white, skin-tight tank and a tiny, cherry red leather skirt. It would have to do for now. My hair was still a hair-sprayed mess from earlier. I pinned it up into a loose messy bun that had tendrils spilling around my face. I looked okay.

I slid my sneakers on as I walked back out into the bedroom. Rhett had left and disappointment surged through me. I shook my head. This was why I hadn’t come back.

Cameras clicked and flashed popped as I took the steps downstairs.

This was why.

I ignored the camera flashes and greetings. I was very glad I had taken the private entrance when I had arrived.  This was hell. My face blanked as I moved through the gap people left for me. Women smiled and men attempted not to leer, failing miserably. Through it all, I kept my face blank.

Blank couldn’t photograph badly.  Blank wasn’t a messy emotion.

“Lorcan!” A voice called out. A voice that made me want to strangle small children. A voice that filled with the agonizing shudder of nails on chalkboard. A voice… oh, crap.  She just annoyed the shit out of me.

I turned and faked surprise.  “Laura!”

I believed that humans and shifters were objectively beautiful. Not just physically. Humanity, in general, had an air of innocence that was very appealing. Laura represented humanity to me. She was beautiful outside, but a sick puppy on the inside. Not the fun kind either.

She stood around 5’3” with curves that literally swerved every eye in the room. She had waist length black hair and a pair of stunning hazel eyes. The girl was beautiful. I emphasize the term “girl,” though. If I remembered correctly, this little kitten had a bit of a bone to pick with me last time I was in town.

“So, you’re back.” She approached me as she crossed her arms beneath her ample cleavage. Tonight, she wore a pair of tailored pants and a crop top. It was a good look, but a few seasons off. Not that I judged, but it was Laura.

“That I am.” I felt myself craving a cigarette. I was also slightly excited. Laura hated me so much that it almost broke the hold of my natural appeal. I wanted to give her more reasons to hate me. It wasn’t enough, but it was better than nothing.

She desires someone to hate.

“I heard you’re a drugged-out mess,” she stated without preamble.

I nearly snorted. “I heard you’re pregnant.”

“I heard you’re a whore.”

“I heard you’ve got herpes.”

The verbal volley paused.  She didn’t say anything. Both of us just stared at one another for a moment. The room was quiet around us and people stared. Finally, it broke. Laura grinned, flashing me a predatory smile, and brought out my amused smirk.

“Welcome back,” she nodded her head, chuckling quietly. I tipped my head and turned on my heel, continuing to walk away. I lied. She was sorta fun. But yeah, that was as bad as it got. There were no real mean girls to bully me because, with one smile, they were all enthralled. There were no mean boys to humiliate me because with one word, they were all obsessed.

The party was smaller than our normal soirées. We hadn’t had anyone sign an NDA because everyone here was under pride rules. I wasn’t concerned about anyone saying shit.

It felt odd being back here only three years later. Everything had changed, but some people hadn’t changed.

I knew where Dean was without looking. In our massive two-story, open living room, he stood in the far corner surrounded by his following. Those pretty, blue eyes were half-lidded and watching me. Always watching. Even as children, he had been watchful.

“Baby girl!” Hayden called out. “Get your beautiful ass over here.”

I moved toward Hayden as he tossed me a bottle. I knew he had gotten me something specifically from the demonic realm for tonight. There had been a contact meeting him here. Jinn were demons in all technical terms, but just as elves didn’t consider themselves Fae, they were separate. The culture really was very different.

Hayden was sprawled out on the couch, snapping photos of a woman lounging near him with big “fuck me” eyes and fake tits. Little did she know Hayden was doing a series about earth realm consumerism. Very awkward for Little Miss Giggle.

Without much spectacle, I slipped into our massive kitchen and moved toward the island. It was far quieter in here even as our staff worked to bring out drinks and food. I nodded to our main chef and took out a smooth obsidian slate. While everything was white in our kitchen, the main island was one big dark concrete slab.

“Be careful, miss.” One of the staff warned. I hadn’t opened the pill bottle yet, but I could feel eyes on me. I nodded my thanks and looked up at a face I didn’t recognize. Well, that’s not true. It felt familiar.  Sort of.

“Lorcan Louvre.” The stranger purred softly. “I never thought you would be one for demonic realm products.”

The man in front of me was most definitely not in high school. I knew a lot of wealthy men. A lot of celebrities. A lot of elitists. I knew how to recognize real wealth from fake wealth. So, I knew without a doubt, this man was out of high school and most definitely much richer than most of the individuals here.

Except for us. We were the exception to the rule.

I also realized that this man was far from human. He was a jinn. Hayden had to have been the one to invite him.

“You know what they say about assuming things.  Plus, I’m pretty sure I have you to thank for these,” I sung lightly as I tipped the bottle and laid out a small green metallic capsule. I tucked the rest of the bottle into my waistband and split apart the pill. The shiny substance poured out in small granulated bits.

“You’re not even curious what a jinn is doing in your house? Let alone one you don’t know?” He mused, his voice soft but very quiet. I heard hesitancy and slight hurt in his voice, as if he thought I should remember him.

I snorted one line. Then another. I finished my third line and looked up.

Different than heroin, but the same effect. I had tried overdosing on this shit once as well.  Guess we know how that went.

I would never claim that jinn weren’t blessed with exceptionally good looks. This man had amber skin that glowed a healthy shade, even under the bright lights of our industrial kitchen. His dark hair was combed back in a neat professional style that showcased piercing “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” eyes.

Those eyes. Those fucking eyes.

Why did I feel like I recognized those eyes? Fuck, but my brain was so screwed lately. I felt bad about the possibility that I had forgotten him. Was he someone I dated? No. I would remember.

I couldn’t get my eyes to look like that with eyeliner and tubes of mascara. He had thick dark lashes that made his brilliant green eyes sparkle as they faded into a sky blue toward the outer edge. There was an easy smile to his lips that told me he knew exactly what he looked like. The way he wore a comfortable pair of slacks and a t-shirt. Yeah. This guy was something else.

I snorted my final line.

“I’m not so much interested in why you’re in my kitchen, but more interested in why you are at my party past the drop off? Do I know you?”

The deep baritone of his smooth chuckle surrounded me as he stepped up, curling a hand onto my jaw. “Do you really know anyone Lorcan?”

What a good fucking question. Also, way too deep for my drug-addled brain.

“Do I really want to know anyone?”

“Oh, you want to know me,” he confirmed softly.

I leaned forward into his space and narrowed my eyes.

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m going to shatter your heart,” he said in a soft promise focusing on my lips.

I blinked three times before letting my head fall back in a solid laugh. It was the type of laugh that brought tears to my eyes. As I brought my head back up, I caught his determined but curious expression, tears streamed down my face.

“Listen, what’s your name?” I asked, genuinely feeling lighter than before. A smile on my face.

“Desmond,” he stated softly while his smoky, bonfire scent wrapped around me gently. I tried to ignore the impressive forearm porn he had going on.

That name. Damn where did I know that name? Fuck. It felt so familiar.

“Well, Desmond,” I leaned close enough that we were nose-to-nose. “I’ll make you a deal.”

“What’s that?”

“If you can shatter my heart, you can also have the pleasure of killing me,” I purred with absolute joy. Almost hope.

He frowned. “You would want me to kill you?”

“You misunderstand. If you shatter my heart, then you have to kill me.”

“Why?”

“Because I would be in love with you more than death.” I licked my bottom lip out of habit. “I would have fallen for someone despite their inability to love.”

“Who said I couldn’t…”

I kissed him softly on the cheek and pulled back.

“No one can love me, baby. No one.”

Desmond was a funny guy. I could see us being friends.

“Lorcan!” I heard my name being called from the other room and pushed toward it. My high was setting in and there were a lot of people. Lots of pointless, distracting social interactions for me.  I only hoped to black out by the end of the night.

Life in the fast lane….

Chapter 4

Dean

“We learn the most when we least expect it. We learn the most when we break in two.

You know you're beautiful undone.”

-Beautiful Undone by Laura Doggett

My eyes were trained on her.

Then again, my eyes had been trained on her from the time she fell on the playground in first grade. Even two years older than her, I had known.

My insides felt like a torn, bloody mess. The pain was pooling and there wasn’t a damn thing to do about it. I had avoided every thought, word, and scent of Lorcan since she left. A feat on its own since her image was plastered all over social media. Every expression captured.  Every word announced. Every fault criticized. Now, she was back and none of my efforts had helped. She had still slipped through.

Not only was she back, but her indifferent attitude about what had happened fueled rage to a full boil under my skin. I couldn’t imagine how Rhett or Cash were feeling right now. I take that back. I could imagine how Cash felt. But that was how he always felt. But not me.  Only she could get me to react like this. Only she could make me feel as though my insides were being torn from my stomach. Only she could make me feel raw and scraped against pavement like inconsequential dirt. She had left us. She hadn’t wanted us. Of course, she would treat us like dirt.

I’m sure it had been easy for her to laugh about my inability to actually be upset with her. If she only fucking understood how much of that “crush” bordered on obsession.

I watched her. Her long tan legs distracting under that mini skirt. I wanted to haul her ass upstairs and throw her into a pair of frumpy sweatpants. I also wanted to strip her bare and take her in front of everyone. My lion had some conflicting views on how to handle this situation.

“Dean,” Rhett slid up next to me, his face pale.

“I know.” I spoke quietly so those around couldn’t hear. Only my brothers could understand the hurt. The absolute devastation my heart was going through. Everything was different now.

“Something is wrong.” Rhett expressed his eyes filled with concern. “I was talking to her in the bathroom and her power levels were off the charts. I know we saw hints earlier, but she has these awful bruises...”

He didn’t finish his sentence.  A large man, Zeke, stopped in front of us. “Dean! Great to see you.”

I offered a nod, but it was not great to see Zeke.

“We didn’t expect to see you here,” Rhett commented. Zeke was a bear shifter. Their clan rarely visited our community, despite the fact we consistently housed supernaturals from outside of the pride.

Zeke grinned with a slight leer.  I knew what was coming next.

“Well, I couldn’t resist the chance to see Lorcan Louvre in action. Gods know I’ve jerked off...”

My hand gripped his throat in a vise hold as I squeezed the meaty texture of his neck. His attempt at breaking away was pointless. He was a big guy, but I was bigger.  Bigger and stronger. I leveled him with a warning gaze that had his eyes turning black as his face flushed purple.

I wanted to kill him. I wanted to squeeze the life out of him right there and leave his corpse to rot. I didn’t like scum. I didn’t tolerate it in my pride. I wasn’t going to take it from an outsider.

Cormac had done me a service earlier. I had become aware of Jackson’s penchant for sexual assault. The shifter would have likely been dead by the end of the day as it was. That type of thing didn’t faze me. The only thing that phased me was her. Lorcan.

Only this afternoon, I had been praising myself on my calm disposition. Not now though. Now, I was a fucking mess. I was being torn apart and shattered as rage seeped out onto the floor like hot blood. If my father could see me, he would probably call me strong. I’m sure Maggie would look at me like I was a horror film monster. I had no idea where her sweet disposition came from. The three of us were cruel and mean, at best. At worst?  It seemed that, despite how carefree we had been as children, Lorcan brought out our worst instincts. Not toward her of course, just toward everyone else.

I wanted Zeke to die for speaking about her that way. He didn’t deserve to even look at her. To breathe the same air as her. I wanted him to know true suffering. I felt a rumble sound in my throat as his nose began to bleed.

“Dean,” Rhett chuckled with a dark edge. “You have an audience.”

I didn’t care.

“Deanie!” A flute like voice called to me and broke me from my trance. My eyes snapped toward Lorcan who was standing a few feet away with a coy smile on her lips. Fuck. She was beautiful.

“Yes, Lorcan?” I tried to keep my tone indifferent.

“Come dance with me,” she purred as if my indifference didn’t mean shit.

My grip released on Zeke’s neck as he began to sputter and cough. Lorcan watched it with a grin that made me wonder if she knew what he said. The woman was ruthless. A true Queen. She knelt near him and whispered words that made my cock harden.

“Next time you breathe my name, not only will I not stop him, I’ll help him.”

Zeke cried out as she hit his rib in a sharp move and broke it. No one was the wiser as she stood up with a bright smile. I had forgotten how naturally quick and strong elves were. I also understood why she had chosen to stop me. I looked around to see several cameras aimed toward us and it brought a protective snarl to the back of my throat.

“Now, then,” she pressed her body into mine. “How about that dance, handsome?”

Rhett leaned in and leveled her with a stare labored with questions dancing around it. Lorcan only smiled blankly at him and batted those lashes. Something had changed to make her like this. Not that she hadn’t been a little badass spitfire before, but this was different. This was something I understood. I understood hiding behind a mask.

I felt like we were far less different than before.

“Lorcan,” I tipped her head towards me exposing those flawless eyes.  “You have tonight.”

“For?” she asked with a curious smile as if my tone fucking amused her.

“To pretend that you don’t have to explain what the fuck has happened to you, including the bruises both my brothers have mentioned.” Instead of flinching away from my harsh words, I watched her body flare up and her eyes grow darker.

Now, I had been very accustomed to all types of Fae power, more so because we have had elves living in our community. I knew the signature of the Louvre twin’s powers from the time I was old enough to spell my own fucking name. The best way I could have described it at that time was a storm. A mixture of sea salt, winds, and chaos.

It wasn’t dangerous though. Just wild. Wild magic.

But what could I call this now? I had no fucking idea. It felt like a hurricane. More specifically the eye of one. The void. I felt as though her power was surging around us like a battering ram filled with raging waters and our bubble was just…empty. Her eyes were empty and her being seemed to glow with this unnatural blue light. It was beautiful. It also pulsed with danger. I wasn’t a dumb man.

Without preamble, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers as my hands curled around her shoulders in a demanding way. It wasn’t a real kiss. I mean, it was.  Our first kiss. But it had a purpose and the purpose it served was effective. Her wild power retreated inside her frame as she trembled against me, pulling back with bright large eyes. I leveled her with a demanding gaze.

After a moment of tension, those pupils dilated, and I could smell her high. A small smile slipped onto her lips and Lorcan, the new one, was back.

“Well, well, well, Deanie,” she cooed. “That was much better than a dance.”

“Jesus,” Rhett muttered breathlessly, realizing what had just occurred.

“You want one, too?” She fluttered her lashes at him in a teasing manner.

“Not like this, Bunny,” he mumbled. I couldn’t blame him.  I hadn’t seen her sober yet. She had been high from the moment I walked into that bedroom. I saw it slip though and I saw the eyes of a dark void staring back at me. Underneath all of this, there was something truly dark. Underneath the new Lorcan. and even the old, there was something ancient.  Something ancient and insanely powerful. The raw force I could feel coming off her was so strong, it nearly made me sick. It was the fear one got looking into the massive night sky or the deep depths of the ocean, knowing how indifferent the vast voids were. Did you really want to know what existed beyond the surface?

Probably fucking not.

Lorcan watched Rhett for a moment, a tiny dip of her brow nearly made me fall over before she shrugged and wandered off. The Lorcan I had known had been expressive and emotional to a fault. That small brow dip had been all the real emotion we had gotten so far. She had been a brilliant ray when happy. The darkest night when sad. A terrible hurricane when upset. It was what made us so different from one another. It had made me crave her. Need her. She filled my void.

She was the one with a void now. It was clear as day that her reactions were strictly superficial and that?  That made me feel something. I had never wanted to get a reaction out of someone as much as I craved it from her. When we were younger, she had felt for me, for us, when we couldn’t bear to. I would do the same for her now.

“Watch her,” I muttered to Rhett. “And find Cash.”

Rhett looked at me for another moment before frowning. “I’ll find Cash, but Dean?  It’s not the power shift I’m worried about most with her.”

“What’s the problem then?”

Rhett shook his head. “Watch her. Dean. You’ll figure it out.”

I snarled at him as he strolled off. If he wasn’t my Beta and brother, I’d kill him.

I heeded his suggestion, though. I tracked Lorcan as she danced and made her way through the crowd. Her pupils were large as she wore a plastered grin on her face. At first, I didn’t see the changes he was talking about. When I did. Well. Fuck. I couldn’t ignore them.

Lorcan had always been naturally thin, but this didn’t seem healthy. Her face was a little too sharp for my liking. Her hip bones jutted out enough that my lion took notice. I ignored my lion’s instinct to get her food. I snorted at how that would go over.

There was always a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. Those tanned long hands shook just a small amount. I doubted anyone else took notice. Like how people didn’t notice her nearly imperceptible flinch when someone stepped into her space without permission. Or the way her eyes emptied the minute she wasn’t talking to someone. No one noticed because Lorcan was exactly what they wanted her to be. This wasn’t the Lorcan I had fallen in love with.

No, this woman was haunted. Not just haunted, but hopeless. There was a coldness to her eyes that seemed to express a true indifference. What had made her give up? I needed to know.  It was a fucking compulsion now. I think if anything, I found myself loving her more. This Lorcan needed us. This Lorcan was raw and gritty. This Lorcan was real and very much adult.

The three of us had grown up to be dark, fucked up souls. It was only fitting that our Queen had her own similar weight. I needed her in my arms. Now.

As I stepped forward, an unforgettable look passed over her face. Whatever it was, it was enough to make her forget her façade as unmitigated horror and pain contorted her sharp features. I moved fast enough that when a bluish substance leaked from her nose and she went limp, my arms were already around her and lifted her up instantly. I didn’t spare anyone a glance as I took her immediately upstairs. She was out cold, unconscious in my arms.

Cormac appeared at the top of the stairs looking sober. A dark look crossed his eyes as he noticed the substance coming from her nose. It wasn’t a surprised expression, but one far more haunted.

“How long has she been out?”

“Less than a minute,” I continued to walk her towards the bedroom she used to have.

Cormac disappeared into his bedroom before coming out with a bottle of pills. I frowned but didn’t say anything. I was curious about the look he had given his sister. It was a mixture of hopelessness and concern.

Jesus. What the fuck had happened to these two?

Lorcan wasn’t the only one who had changed.  Her twin was different as well. There was a rawness to his expression.

“Get her some water for when she wakes up.” I nearly barked at Rhett.

Cash was passed out on her bed. It was so unlike Cash that it gave me pause before I lowered her down next to him. Cormac tipped her head and took out two, small black pearl-like objects. I frowned as he forced open her mouth, put them at the back of her tongue, and forced water to push them down. The blueish substance from her nose hadn’t stopped.  Her faint breathing assured me she was alive. It was the only thing that did.

“What the fuck is going on?” Rhett asked his voice rasping.

“Cormac,” I demanded softly. “Is this because of the drugs?”

A snarl slipped through her brother’s lips as I felt a cold, icy power slash at me. Just as quickly, it was gone. Cormac brushed a piece of hair back from her face and looked at us with dark eyes. “Sure. If you want to believe that.”

“What type of answer is that?”

“The type I am giving you,” he answered Rhett quietly.

Without much else, he stood and looked back at us, “She will wake in the morning and be just fine. Those will stabilize her physically. If you are crashing here, lock the bedroom door so she can’t sleep walk downstairs.”

I couldn’t unpack what had happened just yet. I watched as Rhett used a warm wash rag to wipe away the blue under her nose.  Blood?

“Hadn’t her blood been silver before? Most elves have silver blood.” Rhett pointed out. That they did. I brought out my phone and contacted the only person who actually knew anything about elves. He was also the one person that I assumed Lorcan still hated.

“Hello?” His voice was cautious, but tired.

“Lorcan is home,” I stated without prelude.

“Fuck.”

He hung up. I expected him here within the day.

Chapter 5

Lorcan

“All your actin'. Your thin disguise. All your perfectly delivered lies.

They don't fool me. You've been lonely, too long.”

-Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars

I had never been one for physical affection unless I was high. That shit led to emotions.

As I opened my eyes and faced a dark ceiling, I realized that I was in bed with two very familiar scents. Lemon and rose. Rhett and Cash. Both wrapped around me. Rhett’s chest was pressed into my face and our feet lay entangled with one another. Cash had his arms wrapped around my middle and his face buried in my neck. For just a moment, I pretended.

I pretended that this could be real. That this meant they cared. That they could love me.

My head throbbed.  I knew it was because of the star call. The nightmares that rattled my brain without the cover of night. It didn’t happen often but lately? Lately, it had been terrible. It felt as though someone was trying to squeeze my brain as my physical body attempted to cope with something far beyond its understanding. Our people were of the stars and of the water.

My brother had it far easier. He could hear people’s thoughts, wants, desires, and needs. I could too, to an extent, but his ability had developed it to such an extent that he almost seemed to be reading their minds. In a way, he was. His ability to manipulate mortal emotions was much like the smooth waves of the ocean current. You didn’t realize you were so far out until you already were. That was how it was with Cormac. You didn’t realize the shit you were in until it was too late.

I, on the other hand, had been “blessed” with the ability to hear our universe.

That wasn’t a metaphor.

Humans “discovered” the brilliant songs that our planets made while in space. Their rotation fascinated them and inspired devotional art to our cosmos. Unfortunately, it was so much worse than they ever knew. It wasn’t only those sounds that existed for me.

Our universe played a terrible symphony.

Earth realm was so small compared to the realms that existed within our universe. Even the Fae realm was small. Humans had it wrong, though. There were no “aliens” and no E.T. coming to take them away on a spaceship. Like countries, the realms all existed near one another but stayed hidden from the humans. Shifters, elves, mages… all us creatures had realms like Earth realm. So similar, it would probably freak humans out.

They had a poor time dealing with magic. The wild untamable magic of our universe.

And it was inside of me.

It beat on my chest wanting to get out. It wanted to shine its brilliant light on everyone until they burnt into tiny, forgettable piles of ash. Indifferent. Our cosmos was completely indifferent. And when the dark ones devoured stars and when the stars cried out in agony, I heard it. I heard it all.

“Your skin,” a voice murmured from the end of the bed. I sat up to find myself eye to eye with Dean. Except this Dean seemed very… lively? Maybe that's the wrong word. Passionate? Angered? Frustrated? Fuck. Just emotions. Lots of emotions. He had changed.

I looked down at my skin. The texture was the same whenever I came back from the star lit travels of my spirit. The tan texture was a shimmering metallic blue that stretched from my neck down to my fingertips. It would be gone within an hour but already I could see the gears working in Dean’s head. I was going to feel guilty about my next action.

Leaning forward, I put a hand onto his cheek and pulsed energy into him.

“Dean, I need you to forget this.”

In the past three years, my compulsion had worked flawlessly. I was stronger than even my brother. I had never had an issue. His manipulation was better, but my compulsion was perfect. Manipulation was subtle, compulsion not so much. So, it said something about Dean that he blinked once before shaking his head at me. It was like he was shaking off a gnat.

Bastard.

With a movement so fast, it made me let out a small cry, Dean lifted me into his arms and carried me from the bedroom. Away from his brothers and my potential witnesses.

Was this how I died? How tragic. Killed by the man I once loved. I never considered this option. Maybe, I should have considered options outside the man that abused me.

Most of the time I forgot how massive Dean was, but as he crowded me into the railing of the balcony and forced my head up, I remembered. My face was carefully blank and his was as well. Except for those eyes. Those eyes reminded me of burning sapphires. Fuck, he was beautiful. I should have been tense around him, like I was around everyone else. I couldn’t though. There was an instinctual part of me that trusted these bastards, particularly this bastard.

I swallowed as he moved closer. He wore only a pair of pants and his dark curly hair was messy. It looked like he hadn’t slept, and I assumed his patience was running thin.

“Dean,” I whispered softly. “I can’t be out here like this.”

It was a plea.

His jaw clenched as he pressed me closer, “Why?”

“Please,” I whispered against his chest.

“You tell me now, Lorcan, or else we won’t go inside.”

His threat had my mind going blank.

So, what if someone found out that I was an extinct species.

I’m sure they would either crucify me, burn me, or enslave me. Either way, it would end in death. Wasn’t that the purpose of anything I did anymore?

“Fine,” I mumbled softly before closing my eyes. “Let people see.”

“Damn it,” he hissed which had my eyes flashing open. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Lorcan?”

I narrowed my eyes. Nothing should be wrong with me. The fact that he was seeing fault with me at all was unusual. The last time someone had argued with me, besides Laura, it had been Cormac. Even Laura’s arguing supported her desire to hate someone. She thought I was perfect to be that person. It was why I entertained her little verbal spars. It was like a fucking compulsion to make people like her happy. So, I found Dean’s reaction odd because no one ever found fault with me. No one questioned me. No one demanded answers from me.

I was what they wanted, no more and no less.

Fuck. It was refreshing, just as it had been yesterday when I was high. It didn’t change anything though.

“What is wrong with me?” I mused softly. “Well, I’m sober and my skin looks like a glittery Easter egg, so you tell me.”

In fact, I wasn’t exactly positive why he was seeing my skin like this. I mean, unless he wanted me to have blue sparkly skin. But that didn’t make much sense.

This called for a heavy dose of coffee and a cigarette.

“What are you?” He demanded, leaning down so that we were eye level. It was impressive considering the near foot difference. Once again, please remember I’m 5’7”, so when I tell you Dean is huge, I very much mean it.

“Jeannie and Nelson are my parental figures,” I drawled sarcastically. “So, don’t you have your answer?”

“Except that you’re adopted,” he snapped with a tight jaw. I froze as my head tilted to the side.

“You think I just stopped trying to figure out why you left? You think I just rolled over when you were gone one morning? Lorcan. You knew how we felt.”

I rose my hand to his chest. “I know how you thought you felt.”

Dean snarled, quickly unraveling his cool, and he tilted my jaw up harshly,

“No, Lorcan. I know exactly how I feel about you, then and now. Now, fess up. What the fuck happened? It better have been pretty good for you to fucking leave us.”

My hackles rose, despite my attempt to stay calm.

“How do you know I wanted to stay in the first place?” I loved this version of Dean. He was grown up with a temper and level of aggression that filled the space with dominance. I could deal with that.

Dean’s lip rose a tiny bit and I knew my anger made him happy. I carefully rearranged my features.

“Maybe I just wanted a change.”

“Or maybe you were running,” he hissed and squeezed my jaw tighter. “Now I’m only going to ask once more, Lorcan. Why?”

I tried to ignore the pleasure pooling under my skin at his rough treatment and dominance. I was a sick puppy after everything that had happened.  After last year. That had fucked me up. It had cemented the fact that no one could truly love me.

There once was a girl who found out she couldn’t be loved. Then a prince told her it was a lie. A beautiful prince with a big castle, soft words, and promises. The princess gave him everything, even if it wasn’t love, because at least it was something. Except she became his doll. He locked her up. He treated her poorly. He tossed his toy around. He used her. Told her to make it up to him. Told her to earn his trust back. His love. He forced her to love others the same way.

Then she realized it was true. She couldn’t be loved. It wasn’t in her nature.

I told myself stories to keep the madness of being alone locked away. It distanced myself from the true horror residing in my shriveled-up heart.

Members of our species were reflections of what each person wanted. What each person needed. We became that thing for them. Like water reflecting stars. If a person loved us, they were only loving the part of us that they saw and that they wanted. So, why the fuck was Dean disagreeing with me? Unless he wanted a weak woman, a submissive woman bending to his demands. Dean was a lot of things, but I knew that wasn’t his desire. Then, what the fuck was going on?

“Deanie,” I mumbled softly as I noticed my tan returning. “Your feelings for me aren’t real.”

Dean stiffened as his eyes grew dark, a rumble growing in his chest.

“And how do you figure that, Li’l Lorcan?”

I felt the façade slip for just a moment again, as my power protectively swirled around us and caused Dean’s eyes to widen just a tad. I could feel my eyes flashing as he grunted and moved closer to me, our energy intertwined. I slipped my hands up to his jaw and squeezed it like he held mine.

“I know, because it’s impossible to love me.”

Dean’s face paled at my expression and the fight left him, his hands cupping my chin softly instead of with aggression.

“Why do you think that?”

I wanted to believe the disbelief in his voice. My mouth opened. I almost let the words slip out. I almost told him. His soft words and touch made me anxious though.

Instead, I put my façade back up and offered a coy smile.

“Because I’m reckless, Deanie, reckless and on a very fast track toward a goal.”

His nostrils flared at my tone. He gripped the railing on either side of me.

“And what the fuck is your goal?”

This I answered honestly.

“Death. Death is the goal, Deanie.”

Chapter 6

Cash

“I bet you wanna walk away, run away, look away, turn away

Honey you can't hide

Lemon eyes, all mine”

-Lemon Eyes by Meg Myers

“She’s all fucked up in the head,” I muttered while listening to Dean recount his conversation with Lorcan. I had a feeling after watching Cormac calm Violet that they had some type of compulsion or manipulation, but Dean’s description of it was terrifying.

“It felt fucking fantastic. Like I was being dipped into honey and surrounded by soft music. So, because I’m so fucked, I figured it wasn’t right. Once I pushed back, it was like the illusion turned violent. As if it had its own consciousness. I couldn’t see for a second. My ears were ringing with these awful sounds.”

“Sounds?” Rhett asked quietly.

“Not sounds, exactly,” Dean grunted. “More like screams. But not human. It sounded like metal hitting into metal. I’m not sure how else to describe it. I still have a fucking migraine from it.”

The shower turned off and I knew she would be out here soon. I couldn't even be mad at her for drugging me last night. Hell, I hadn’t asked her permission to kiss her. Then again, I rarely asked for anything in my life. There also hadn’t been any woman in my life as of late, so I supposed my brutish nature didn’t apply there. Plus, if anyone could put me in my place, it was her.

It fucked with my head that I wasn’t furious with her. Had I changed places with Dean? Sure, I want to spank her little ass and bury myself so far into her that she never thought of anyone else but me. But I wasn’t mad. Just turned on and concerned.

“Cash?”

“What?” I snapped at Rhett. He didn’t get the same luxury.

He grinned. “Tense, bro?”

Lorcan stepped from her bathroom in a long, comfortable robe. For a moment, I saw the young girl I kissed the summer before freshman year. Her tiny nose. Her bare, freckled face. Her wet, messy hair. Don’t get me wrong, she had grown up to be a stunning woman. Like, painfully gorgeous. Every step she took was admired. People were drawn to her like bees to honey. Yet, despite her beauty, she had also been beautiful when she was just fifteen. Beautiful and awkward as hell.

“Oh!” She looked up with clouded eyes. “You’re all still here.”

I tensed as Dean shook his head. He had already discussed her illusion, that no one could love her. It was a bold statement and not one that I understood well. I could see her feeling like no one did love her. I’ve felt that way. But to feel as though no one could love her? It seemed… it seemed odd. An odd conclusion.

“Where did you think we would go, Bunny?” Rhett asked from his place at the end of her bed. Lorcan seemed sober, but her skin had an odd shimmer to it. She was far too pale for my liking. Although Dean had mentioned her skin’s odd tone from when she woke up this morning. Maybe it was from that.

“Home,” she responded indifferently with a tired drawl to her voice.

“Not until you talk.” Dean beat the dead horse.

I saw the anger in Lorcan’s eyes before she said anything.

“I have talked all I am going to with you, Dean. There is nothing else to say.”

“You leave in the middle of the night three years ago and there is nothing to fucking say?” I snapped out, feeling more than a little annoyed. All right, so I could be mad at her. Good to know.

“Exactly, Cash,” she snapped. “Nothing to talk about. Jeannie and Nelson wanted us home, so we came home. Simple.”

“And the shifter your brother killed last night?” I growled. “Should we ignore that as well? Will there be a long line of bodies trailing throughout the compound? All of them with their spines ripped out?”

“Do you have a lot of spineless rapists around?” She snarled with a cruel smile. Fuck that fire was sexy. It was also the first real flicker of emotion I had seen from her since her arrival.

“So, that’s it then?  Your brother is playing God now?” I stood up and stepped forward.

“Don’t talk about shit you don’t know.” Her lips peeled back.

Come on beautiful, just a little more anger. Just a little more fire.

The ember in her eyes was all about burnt out and I knew we could build it back up. We could kindle it.

“That’s what it is, isn’t it? Cormac thinks he can play fucking God? Who is he avenging Lor…”

My body was thrown back into the hard gold wall. I grunted as a cold shimmering hand wrapped around my neck and familiar blank eyes stared into my very soul. My rage simmered as Lorcan pressed closer to me and surrounded us with a pale blue light. Instead of getting upset, my leopard froze at her obvious display of dominance. Neither of us knew how to react, mostly because we didn’t recognize her as a threat. Sure, she was choking me out, but I couldn’t fight her. I didn’t want to. At least I had gotten some reaction from her. Unfortunately, the emotion was gone and replaced with this display of power. This display of terrifying power.

What the hell was she?

I felt paralyzed. I could feel it seeping into my brain, encouraging my compliance. That alone made me fucking pissed. I wasn’t going to let her ignore the problem.  Her attempt to compel me to forget it didn’t sit well.

“Ah,” a smooth, deep voice stated. “Lorcan. I should have known you would be acting like a bitch before noon.”

Adriel.

Chapter 7

Lorcan

“I don't care if I'm not good enough for you. I don't care if I don't live the life you want me to. I don't care what you wanna think of me.”

-Love the Way You Hate Me by Like A Storm

My fingers released Cash’s neck instantly as my skin returned to a deep tan. I cursed myself for reacting like that. I hated that I had showed them even a bit of my frustration. I just couldn’t help the line that had been crossed in my head. Cormac was the only one I allowed myself to care about. The only person that could care about me in an authentic way. We were the only family one another had. I didn’t like people talking poorly about him.

Now, this motherfucker was standing in my bedroom door. I had to be very careful how I reacted. Adriel may be a fucking bastard, but he was brilliant. I knew that if I displayed too much of my power, he would absorb the information and figure it out in seconds. I met Cash’s slate eyes and found no rage. Instead, there was confusion and frustration. I hated that so much more.

“Adriel.” I commented in a disinterested voice. “To what do I owe the displeasure?”

Without facing him, I walked toward my purse on my bed side and tugged out a cigarette pack. I lit one and placed it between my lips before turning to face the four of them. My body nearly tensed to find Adriel standing directly in my space. Instead of reacting, I inhaled and released the smoke into his pretty eyes. I was used to aggressive males in my space.

Adriel was powerful. I mean, I assumed he was from the energy he packed. Despite being from elven heritage, no one knew where his line and power descended from. Most times, I didn’t feel as though I could even sense his power level and that worried me more than anything. It made me very hesitant around him. Then again, if I made a mistake, he may take care of my problem and kill me himself.

This was the hardest part of wanting to die. Self-preservation was a bitch. Also, I was immortal, so fuck my life.

So, I stared up at the beautiful immortal man and found myself wondering if he would kill me. Those moss-colored eyes sparkled with amber specks of hatred as his sharp jaw tilted down to examine me. God, he hated me. I hated him as well, though. We had hated each other since first meeting.

Huh.

I briefly wondered why he wasn’t affected by my influence as well. Was I losing my powers or something? At the time, he was the only other elven creature in the area and lived on the far west side of the compound. Rumors that I had heard mentioned him being overseas recently. Interesting that he was home. Interesting and unfortunate.

I couldn’t tell you the reason for our hatred, but just that his stupid, long, pale braid was instantly a target for me. You would have thought long hair would have made him look feminine, right? Except when your 6’3” and built like an Olympic swimmer, it’s almost an impossibility. Not to mention that he was dressed like John Fucking Wick.

Today, he wore an entirely black outfit that complimented the silver markings he had running along his muscular arms. His braid was twisted with black little rings and his ears were pointed like most elves. Another thing that made us odd, made us different. Where he had slender ears that were pointed, I had human-sized ears that were pointed just slightly more than usual. Nothing I had to use glamour for, which I assumed was how Adriel dealt with it.

There was a tension to his face that made me wonder if he had seen my hands change color. I tried to ignore the soft warm scent that curled around me from his hard body, urging me forward. He was a bastard. A dick. An ass. Sexy though. Goddamn it. He was beautiful.

“Heard that we are keeping secrets,” he goaded with darkening eyes. “No one likes secrets, especially when they seem dangerous.”

“Dean,” I inhaled my tobacco again. “I need you to tell me that you didn’t call him.”

I refused to look away from Adriel. His chest was close enough to brush against my own. There was a depth to his gaze that flirted just underneath the surface and made me curious. Being curious about Adriel was a horrid thing though.

Dean didn’t respond. I was far too sober for this. All my playfulness from the night before dissolved.

Rhett did reply. “Bunny, you binged on drugs and then passed out. Your brother shoved some weird ass pearls down your throat. You woke up blue today. Something had to fucking give.”

Adriel rose a brow. “Fascinating.”

“I tend to be.”

“Hardly,” he sneered, looking down on me. “Your dramatics are nothing new.”

Lorcan. Don’t be so fucking dramatic. It’s just a knife wound. It will heal in hours.

“Yes,” I responded softly. “I totally did it on purpose. How right you are. I was probably hoping for someone to snap a photo of it for the paparazzi.”

Those eyes flashed. “Wouldn’t fucking surprise me.”

“Why are you here again?”

“To figure out what the fuck is wrong with you.” He snarled and stepped further into me. “Or are you just seeking attention?”

Is this what you wanted? Did you want my attention, Lorcan? You’ve got it now.

I blinked to clear my thoughts before I spiraled.

“Precisely. I was hoping you would fly right here from your pointless endeavors to ruin my morning. You’ve always been a smart one.”

“Well, you’ve got our attention,” he goaded.  “Tell us your harrowing tale on why you’ve gotten so fucked up in the head.”

There was a sincere moment where I considered not answering. I realized they wouldn’t leave then.

“Fine. I’ll answer one question honestly. The minute I do I want you out of my house. All four of you. Are we clear?”

“Anything?” Cash leaned forward.

“As long as it’s not about my powers.”

Dean let out a grunt, but he didn’t protest. Adriel was still very close to me. Everyone seemed to agree. I inhaled again.

“So, what will it be boys?”

The room was quiet. Dean leaned against the doorway of the patio with an empty expression. Adriel was breathing in my fucking space like he owned it. Cash looked oddly calm but filled with frustration at his unanswered questions. Rhett sat forward and I knew the question he would ask before he did.

“Why did your brother kill Jackson?”

Ah. Rhett connected everything, didn’t he? I forgot how endearing and awful that was. I met each boy in the eye for a moment before looking up at Adriel, wanting him to be the eyes I spoke to when I told them. I trusted the hate in them. I trusted that they wouldn’t turn to pity.

“Cormac kills any rapists or anyone with the intent to assault.”

“Why?” Cash demanded sharply.

I inhaled once more knowing it was part of the original question.

“Because last fall he found me beaten and nearly dead on our foyer floor after being raped.”

Silence.

Adriel’s expression froze as something slid behind those pretty eyes. I didn’t see pity, but I felt the tension shift, so I looked away. Ignoring the shocked tension, I strolled toward my bedroom door.

“I expect you to leave now,” I spoke softly. “I have someone coming over.”

I didn’t. Well, I did later, but it was just to help me get ready.

I was down the stairs and heading toward my backyard without another word. In need of something to numb this, I picked my cell phone from my robe and called the first person I could think of.

“Hayden?” I spoke into the phone. “Where did you get off to last night?”

“Went home with some boy toy,” he claimed on the other line, sounding bored. “I’m back in LA for now though. How about you?”

Damn.

“Just bored. You know how I hate a day off, even with the party tonight.”

“Oh yeah!” He began shuffling around. “I meant to tell you. You have a date for tonight.  He’s a jinn, and…”

“Desmond?” I sighed with resignation.

Hayden was more than just a friend. He had fantastic connections and did all my footwork for me. He honestly did more than my publicist. I needed a date for events, but hell, if I was going to put in that effort. So, he found a new piece of man-candy for my arm each week and it sorta determined my vibe. It worked. It wasn’t like I was going to put in the effort to build a relationship with them past that night. Toris would gut them if they stepped near my private residence.

“Did you meet?” He sounded excited. “Now that is a man!”

“Please,” I snickered. “Just tell me what time he will be by.”

Hayden sighed. “You ruin all the fun. I bet I could convince him to include me. Could you imagine? No, you probably couldn’t even handle that.”

He continued prattling on about sex before I finally got him to confirm 6PM. I had until 6PM to not smile.

I wasn’t positive how long I sat on the patio. Eventually, around high noon, my brother made his way into the seat next to me.

“How bad was it last night?” he mumbled.

I swallowed and let the sun soak my skin and the fabric of my silk robe.

“It wasn’t my worst episode but being ripped from your physical body is never fun.”

“They won’t stop asking,” he stated quietly. I knew that. I also knew that if it kept getting worse, I would need to keep more of those saltwater kelp beads close. They were normally used for water elves, but in our case, they helped ground me from being yanked from my body. Usually, I could handle star calls. Calls like last night though?  They could get bad enough that I had no control in it. I simply was pulled out into the cosmos.

“My compulsion won’t work on Dean.”

“The fuck?” My brother sat forward. I nodded, feeling uncontrollable grief filled me.

“Adriel showed up,” I continued.

“Shit!” He ran a hand through his thick hair.

“They asked me why you killed Jackson.”

He froze and peered up at me with sympathetic eyes. “What did you tell them?”

“They asked for the truth, so I told them the truth.”

Cormac’s eyes widened before he nodded. “I think we have to tell them.”

My entire body shivered with the knowledge of expressing the truth.

“Give me a few days,” I mumbled softly.

My brother’s arm slipped around me as I leaned into his chest. “It will be better once they understand.”

“Can’t pull the wool over their eyes at that point,” I agreed. Once they know? Well, I think they would understand exactly why it was all fake.

When I heard the door open a half an hour later. I knew my team was here to aid me in getting ready. Despite having a close relationship with my glam team in California, I barely knew these people. A woman in her mid-40s ushered me upstairs, while three others began the process of helping me get ready. I didn’t ask their names or attempt to talk to them. Unfortunately, I was far away reliving memories that I had buried.

“Dean Reid!” I called out from the entrance of his estate’s greenhouse. I had seen photos of lush estates with gardens but assumed this was the best we had in Arizona. The entire room had high glass ceilings, trickling fountains, exotic plants, and humidity that stuck my clothes to my body.

Dean didn’t respond, but I knew he was here. Rhett and Cash were both playing video games with my brother upstairs. Today at school, I had gotten very upset with Dean and had a bone to pick with him.

“Where the heck are you?” I called out annoyed. The fall sun shone through the window as I came upon Dean. He was stretched out on a bench and had a peaceful expression on his face.

He didn’t deserve that peace.

“Get up!” I slapped his chest hard. I should have feared him. He was fourteen and in eighth grade. I was only eleven and just in fifth grade. He was super tall. I was a shrimp. But I didn’t fear him. Not a lick. These boys had taught me to fight back with their foul mouths and aggression that had gone unchecked for most of our childhood. It was easy to mimic them.

A low rumble sound from his chest as he popped open one eye.

“What?”

“What did Zeke ever do to you?” I snarled my fists tightening.

Dean sat up to pierce me with his pretty blue eyes and dark hair.

“Nothing.”

“Then why did you hit him?” I crossed my arms and stared him down.

His lip tilted slightly. “He was talking about you.”

“Well, we are friends, so that isn’t...”

Dean let out an annoyed sound. “Never mind. You don’t get it, Lorcan. Just trust me.  That kid needs to keep his mouth shut. He’s not your friend.”

I studied him for a moment and then sat next to him with a sigh.

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Yes, I trust your judgement.”

Dean chuckled. His voice had gotten lower lately.

“Glad to know, Princess.”

I growled again, “Call me a princess again, and I’ll knock you out.” This was the hazard of hanging with four boys all the time.

“What should I call you then?” He leaned forward on his forearms and rose a brow.

“I would rather be a Queen than a Princess.” I sighed. “Honestly, Kings get to do all the cool shit.”

“Don’t swear,” he chided softly, but smiled in amusement, “Well fine. You’re a Queen.”

“Good,” I stood adjusting my outfit.

“Who’s your king then?” He asked with a frown.

“Maybe I don’t need one,” I shrugged indifferently.

“Well, what if a man became King just to sit next to you as Queen? Would you let him rule next to you?” He tilted his head to the side in that thoughtful way.

“Like partners?”

He grinned, an occasion for sure.

“Absolutely.”

“Deal.” I nodded.

“Deal?” He asked in confusion.

“Well, yeah, you’re king material, so you have the job, dummy.”

A look of something passed over Dean’s face as he nodded.

“So, I’m the King to your Queen?”

I answered that with an eye roll. I stood up and began to walk away. Dean caught up to me and threw an arm around my shoulder. I smiled up at him, no longer wondering why Zeke ended up with a black eye today.

Afterall, a Queen needed to trust her King.

The woman in front of me applied fake lashes as I frowned. Had I been the one wanting to be Dean’s Queen? I supposed that was the case. Hmm. That conversation had been before my powers even began.

That was the crux of the problem, wasn’t it? We weren’t positive when the influence began. Worse, we weren’t sure how it changed our relationship with people we already knew. We just knew that being what we were made real love nearly impossible. Honestly, it was very difficult to find information on a species that is now extinct.

I frowned. My eyes focused on where Rhett had been sitting only hours ago and another memory flooded in.

“Rhett,” I had my arms crossed while I walked up to him at school. He had his back turned toward me at his locker.

“Rhett,” I nudged him again.

He finally turned to me. “What’s up, Bunny?”

I almost wrinkled my nose at the nickname, but that was how I had gotten it.

I blushed. “The girls from class won’t sit with me at lunch, can I sit with you?”

Rhett was in the same year as me. He usually sat with Cash and Cormac. They sat with most of the guys from our class and tossed around the football. It was a small school, so lunch periods were mostly together. Unfortunately, when seventh grade girls decided they wouldn’t sit with you, it was final. My problem was furthered by the fact that Cormac was home sick today.

Rhett’s eyes softened.
“Yeah, of course.”

I walked next to him for the lunch period and he grabbed us a seat at a small table near the edge of the outdoor space. It was a chilly day, but then again, we were still outside at winter time. Both of us began to unpack our lunches as Cash grunted, throwing his down as well.

He didn’t like to admit it, but Cash thought of me as a friend. We just fought like cats and dogs.

“Lorcan,” a soft voice called behind me. I turned to see Laura, Cassie’s lap dog, standing with a sour look on her face. Their entire table was looking at us.

“What?” I frowned.

“Cassie says you can come sit by us,” she admitted.

I rolled my eyes.

“Tell her I’m sitting with my friends already.”

As I turned around and heard Laura scuttle off, Rhett tossed me a beautiful smile. Even Cash offered me a look that wasn’t completely hateful. I should have never tried to fit in with those girls. These were my real friends.

“Just have to sew you into this,” a voice muttered behind me. They began to fit me into the silk dress I would be wearing. My eyes closed as I tried to ignore the sadness seeping through me. No number of drugs could get rid of these memories. They were ingrained in my very soul. My mind floated to my last kitty cat. Cash. What a piece of work. A wonderful piece of work.

“You piece of shit!” I yelled while running after Cash.

I had been chasing after this bastard all day. He had taken Josh’s eighth grade dance invitation and torn it to shreds. We had the option of asking someone to the dance. He had practically bullied the kid out of asking me.

The minute our driver dropped us off next to the Reids’ car, I had been out and running. Cash was fast. Really fast. He was smiling as he climbed the stairs of his house. I barked out his name again as I sped up the stairs. I turned the corner and found him lounging in his massive bedroom, sprawled out on the couch.

“What’s up?” He nodded his head.

“You jerk!” I raised my voice. “Josh won’t go with me now!”

He chuckled darkly. “Good.”

“Fine,” I hissed. “I’m going to tell Laura that you don’t want to go with her then.”

“Do it,” he grinned. “Then, you will have to go with me.”

“You’re awful,” I fumed. “What the heck is wrong with you?”

Cash snapped his eyes up and scowled.

“You’re what’s wrong with me.”

I growled. “Well, stay out of my business then.”

“No!” He snapped while standing up. “In fact, I’m going to make it my mission to be in your business even more.”

“You’re an idiot!” I pushed his big chest.

“And you’re fucking perfect!”

Huh?

“What in the...”

Cash kissed me then. It wasn’t how any of the girls had described their first kiss. No way. This kiss was freakin’ amazing. Damn. I breathed in his light floral scent as he wrapped his arms around me, keeping me tucked against his body. You would think the light floral scent would smell feminine. It didn’t. It smelled fucking great.

“What was that?” I asked with a bright blush.

“That’s what is going to happen every time you fight with me.” He grinned with cockiness. “Good thing we fight a lot, right?”

I hated the stupid grin on my face.

We would fight a lot.

I liked that.

The silk dress I wore was a deep jade green that was held up by a diamond choker. The cut was simple. It fell to the dip in my lower back, strands of diamonds fell across my tanned skin. I knew my brother would be wearing a similar jade green color. It was our performance colors for this season. I briefly wondered if it was in the cards for us to play tonight. Most likely, considering the crowd. It would be an exclusive crowd.

As I stood looking at myself in the mirror, a shadow passed behind me. My glam team was packing up and I found myself freezing up. My hair, straight and silky, shifted slightly in the non-existent breeze. I parted my red lips to demand a warning.

“All of you need to leave now. Please.”

If they didn’t, they would die. That mistake had been made once.

The temperature of the room was dropping and the frightened look on my face encouraged the glam team. With murmured responses, the three of them left without comment. I knew what would happen the minute the door closed.

Have you ever heard metal on metal? The vibrating sound of metal being hit together? The echoes and ripples that are powerful enough to shift the very space we inhabit?

No, you probably haven’t heard the last one. Those were the only warnings I received, from my internal connection to the universe, that evil was arriving.

Those same star calls that hurt my body and yanked me into dreamland?  They also warned me of danger.

My bedroom, peaceful and calm, turned dark as the corners crowded with deep shadows. I could feel frost growing on my bare toes as a shiver of terror trailed up my spine. My heart began to beat rapidly.

I wanted to run.

I wanted to scream.

I couldn’t move though, my body prisoner to the poisonous black tar spreading across the floor. I felt a single tear fall down my face as my mind gave into the horror that would occur. The horror that was inescapable.

The black tar grew and shaped itself into a man.

The demon.

The monster that starred in my nightmares.

My rapist.

Gods, I would rather face a dark one.

Except my rape had only been the beginning for Toris. He had made it very clear that he wasn’t going anywhere. He had tormented me for far too long. It had never stopped. While we weren’t together publicly anymore, his reign over my existence was never ending. His abuse an imprint on my very soul. I had never hesitated to call his abuse what it was but standing up to him and stopping him took a strength that seemed to elude me. He had conditioned my fear. He had gotten excited over my pain. I knew he would rather kill me himself than ever let me go.  I could feel every part of my tortured soul being laid out as he amassed his physical form.

“Lorcan.” The horrible voice purred through the room.

A whimper fell from my mouth as I tried to move my paralyzed limbs.

“Oh, sweet girl.” Toris whispered. “You look so lovely when you cry.”

I couldn’t speak. I wanted this torture to end. For the pain to end. I wanted him to kill me. I wanted to die. Anything, but what he was going to do to me. At least he hadn’t brought Momon.  That bastard was sick. Yes, just as sick, if not sicker than Toris.

Please, Toris.

It was only a thought, because I couldn’t speak.

Please leave. Or kill me.

He had fallen prey to my influence once and now paralyzed me.

“Lorcan,” he murmured as his sickly scent wrapped around me. His smooth tux brushed up against me. “I just had to see you alone before tonight. I’ve been hearing awful rumors about you and felt the need to remind you.  Remind you of what your exact place is in this world.”

My power flared to life, because it knew he was assigning us a role. I felt bile rise in my throat.

We become what they want. What they need. It was a fucking compulsion.

Toris’s hand wrapped around my hair as he tugged enough so that I cried out.

“In case you don’t remember. You are mine, Lorcan. Mine to torture. Mine to use. Are we clear?”

Yes.

I whimpered in my head as he chuckled.

“I’m not sure. Do you need a demonstration?”

No!

I begged as my body broke out into cold chills. Flashes of his abuse rolled through my mind. Toris wanted me as an object. A toy that he used accordingly.

His lips ghosted over my neck as he dragged his teeth across my pulse, sending a revolting chill through me. I could feel his shadows crowding me and touching me. He was a demonic force to its core. His pure evil energy rolled through me like a freight train. More tears fell from my eyes, as a cool numbness invaded my body.

Distantly, almost as if in another world, I heard my brother knocking on the door.

“I will be there tonight.” He pulled back with a dark look in his empty eyes. “Be on your best behavior, sweet girl.”

Toris was gone then. His power releasing me as I stumbled forward, a sob breaking through my lips and into the air. I couldn’t control the panic strolling through my body. Bile rose in my throat. Fuck.

“Lorcan!” Hands were shaking me as my brother’s green eyes came into view.

I gripped his shoulders and let out another sob. His face told me everything. He knew. He fucking knew. I was so ashamed. I was so fucking ashamed that I couldn’t get the man to leave me alone.

“Why doesn't your compulsion work on him?” He demanded quietly, a look of horror and pain flashing across his face.

I swallowed hard before placing my head on his shoulder. “He paralyzes me the moment we are in the same room. I can’t talk. I can’t move.” I felt my body shudder at the things he had done to me. My fight. My strength. He had fucking conditioned it out of me.

I was so fucking ashamed.

My brother was trembling with rage.

“How long?”

“Since he and I started dating,” I whispered quietly. “Last fall was only the start.”

Cormac took my face and the look of fury in his eyes should have comforted me.

“I swear to you, Lorcan. We will end this.”

“He controls everything,” I whispered with a raw voice. “And everyone.”

“Lorcan? No one answered so I let myself in,” a voice called.

Desmond.

I didn’t answer.  Cormac nodded with a slight unhinged look in his eyes.

“We will figure this out. But we need help, we need to tell De-”

“No,” I snapped with trembling terror at the thought of telling Dean. “No.”

“Why?” He asked with true confusion.

“I can’t,” I whispered with true sorrow. “I can’t let them see me like that.”

“Lorcan,” he began.

“Lorcan? Are you okay?” Desmond’s voice came from the door.

I looked up to find a pair of beautiful eyes staring at me. It was clear from his troubled expression that he could feel something was wrong. God, if he only knew the depths of what exactly was wrong. It was our nature that made people possessive. Obsessive. We became what they needed. I was Toris’s object and he owned me. Therefore, any affection that came from Desmond was self-serving.

“Yes,” I whispered to my poor and probably concerned date. That should fix his concern.

Desmond had a powerful aura to him that enhanced the expensive tux he wore. His dark hair was styled back. Those eyes pierced me with a sharp gaze. I suddenly wondered if he knew exactly what had occurred up here. Who had been here?

He frowned and looked around the room before stepping forward.

“I have the car out front but if you would rather not…”

“No,” I shook my head with slight confusion. “Let’s go. Cormac, I’ll see you there?”

My brother nodded, his eyes focused now on my balcony and the setting sun. His body was trembling with fury. I knew well that his mind was places that were far darker than our conversation could allow for currently. I squeezed his shoulder in passing and walked toward Desmond. His bonfire scent wrapped around me. His eyes were still clouded with worry.

The two of us walked downstairs in silence. As I grabbed my purse, he opened our front door and led me toward his BMW I8. I didn’t feel uncomfortable in our silence, but I could feel his eyes on me as if analyzing my actions. Considering how little people paid attention to me past their wants, it was unsettling.

“Do you mind if I smoke?” I asked quietly from my leather seat. He shook his head as I unrolled the windows and placed my thin black sunglasses on.

“Fuck,” I mumbled. “Do you have a lighter?”

Desmond’s eyes lit up, “I have something better.”

The jinn extended his finger out to the tip of my cigarette and lit it with a slight greenish glow. I let out an actual smile, because that was pretty damned useful. Desmond watched me for a moment with a small grin before turning on the music. Classical.

Good. I could handle that. Minimum emotions were good right now.

“You know,” He started talking and I worried he would bring up my tears. “I actually met you before last night.” Shit. He was someone I knew.

I turned in my seat after an inhale, “Really? When?”

“I think you were about thirteen. I lived in the area, but I was closer to Dean’s grade. We didn’t move here until high school. I saw you a few times with him.” He explained softly.

“Did you come over to their house?” I wondered if I could remember meeting sixteen-year old Desmond from that time.

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I was tutoring Cash for high school math actually.”

The memory flashed on me. For the first time ever, I cursed my drug addled brain and my shitty memory. In all fairness, he looked completely fucking different. I sifted through my memories.

“Rhett,” I complained as we walked down the stairs. “Just tell me where Cash is already.”

He shook his head, but those bright eyes snuck over to the library door. I was there before he could stop me, pulling them open and slipping in. I locked them and turned to find two people, not just Cash.

“Lorcan,” Cash grunted. “Leave.”

I took stock of the situation before retorting. Cash sat with a grumpy expression on his face and a piece of paper in front of him. I could see from afar that it was a math book and I sympathized with Cash because I hated math.  I abhorred it. The tutor that sat next to him was a slightly bigger guy. If I had to guess somewhere around Dean’s age. He had loose dark hair and glasses that hid a pair of brilliant eyes. I had a feeling what this was about, and Cash’s tiny blush made me know I was on track. I decided to avoid embarrassing my friend and his hatred of math.

“You don’t get to hog him,” I demanded to Cash. “I need help with English and I’m going to bet that he knows something useful.”

My friend raised an eyebrow. “You need help in English?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, I just came here to sacrifice my pride and ego because I missed you. Now, can I join or what?”

Cash chuckled and his embarrassment fled.

“Whatever as long as he doesn’t mind.”

I really did hate English class. I much preferred music. I looked to the only person that could ruin this and he was smiling. It was a cute smile and he nodded.

“Yeah, sure. I don’t mind. Do you have a book?”

Rounding the office, I plucked Dean’s copy from the shelf and placed it down. I tucked my legs under me and leaned into Cash.

“Now, tutor guy…”

“Desmond.”

“Right, Desi,” I nodded as Cash laughed at my blunt nature. “You need to explain this to me. I’m just not understanding why the heck Romeo and Juliet didn’t communicate better.”

That was the day that both boys laughed hard enough to cause Rhett to bust into the office with concern. I flashed him a smile as Dean rounded the corner as well. I think by the look he gave me that he knew exactly what I had done.

“You never really explained their poor communication,” I pointed out with an inhale. “Romeo and Juliet?  I mean shit, a text would have been good even.”

Desmond laughed. “You’re right. Unfortunately, Shakespeare didn’t know about texting.”

I chided, “Would have been way better if they lived.”

“Then it wouldn’t be a tragedy,” he explained softly.

“Maybe I’m tired of tragedies,” I murmured as I inhaled once again.

Desmond was quiet for a moment. “Lorcan.”

“Don’t Desi,” I mumbled with sudden familiarity, “I don’t know what you think...”

“I’m a jinn, I know what I sensed up there. I know demons. If you need help.”

I felt a low sad chuckle form in my throat. “There is nothing that can be done.”

If only I wasn’t so damn useless.

Give up. Give in. Die already.

You wanted my attention Lorcan...

Without another word, I opened my purse and popped in a tiny pill. It was a pain pill and would slow things down a bit. I usually saved most of those for my weekdays, but I was making a special exception for this Saturday.

“Here we are,” he mumbled and stepped out of his car to open my door. The cameras were flashing instantly and contributed to my compounding headache. I focused my attention on getting inside the venue without responding to any of the various questions tossed my way.

The venue was a large glass building with a beautiful trail of gardens. Media was only allowed out on the streets. As we passed reporters, I only paused for pictures so they would get their fill. Desi was a good date. It seemed he knew the media scene well and perfected the walking smile. I found myself leaning into him as we walked into the venue.

“I’ve never seen you play before,” he spoke softly. “Will you tonight?”

I nodded. “Most likely.”

He wouldn’t remember it. Not exactly. Unfortunate, I know.

Our album doesn’t contain the same magic as our normal music. However, it was a fantastic album and I have enough pride to admit that. As we trailed through the Japanese inspired gardens and structures, we were stopped several times. As usual, I offered smiles and compliments, but not much else. After all, I didn’t want to leave them with any lasting impression of me.

Didn’t want them to consider the idea of being around me.

Didn’t want to get stuck in their brain. It is dangerous for me, for anyone to consider me, to think of me as something in their life. That was when people got obsessed. When people got possessive. I had a bit of a stalker issue as it stood.

“I just wanted to tell you,” Desmond stops looking down at me. “It didn’t feel appropriate before, but you look radiant tonight Lorcan...”

“Desmond,” a very familiar and groan-worthy voice says. I smiled softly at the compliment Desmond shared, but scowled at Adriel’s voice. All my snippy comments died at the remembrance of what I told him this morning. My gut reaction was to become defensive, because I don’t like pity. I may want to die, but I don’t want to be pitied for it. Just let a girl do her shit in peace.

“I’m praying that you don’t know Adriel well,” I quipped as I turned to face the man in question. Unlike earlier, he wore a tux, but his expression hadn’t changed. Good. I liked hatred from him.

“Unfortunately, love,” Desmond smiles. “He’s a good friend. I think I was around when you met him actually.” Why did that seem right? Why did my cloudy brain put the two of them with Dean?

Adriel grinned at him, “Good to see you, but sorry about your poor choice in dates.”

“Go screw yourself.” I smiled at him without pretense.

“You would want to see that,” he bit back.

“I would rather burn my eyes out.”

“Wouldn’t stop you from dreaming about it.”

“At that point, I would pray for death because I am obviously insane.”

“Guys!” Desmond tried to stop our argument.

“Is the princess cranky from her early morning wake up?” he cooed.

“No, just still trying to get over the trauma of seeing you before coffee.” I inhaled on my cigarette.

“Stop,” Desmond snapped. I narrowed my eyes at Adriel before both of us looked at an angry Desmond. My eyes trailed to where his eyes were and found that they sure as shit weren’t on us. Apparently, something more important than our argument was going on. I felt it before I followed his gaze.

Him.

Cormac wasn’t here yet, but somehow Toris had already arrived.

“I thought he was overseas,” Adriel commented as Desmond shook his head.

They hated Toris as well? At least, that’s what I’m assuming here. Huh. Something to agree on.

Give up. Give in. Die already.

“Lorcan,” his voice called out as he stepped closer. No one noticed the way his darkness wrapped around the room. No one noticed the way I swayed on my feet. No one noticed how the bile rose in my throat. No. No one noticed. I had given up crying long ago.

All you are is a pretty fuckable face.

Give up.

Give in.

Die already Lorcan.

You have my attention now, Lorcan.

Earn my fucking love back. Beg me.

“Toris,” I nodded with a washed-out voice. I could feel Adriel’s gaze on me but kept my face empty and void of emotion. Even in moments like this, I couldn’t raise my power against him. I was terrified of him. The only creature to ever terrify me besides him was Momon.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Desmond commented as he stepped closer. I noticed that I was being moved behind him slightly. Adriel frowned with confusion. It was a stupid look on his beautiful face.

“And I would say the same of the King of Smoke and Master of Illusions. However, both you and the King of Nightmares are here. And with my lovely Lorcan.”

That was a lot of political titles being thrown around. The King thing surprised me on both ends… but the Nightmare deal. Yeah, I could see it.

Wait, did he say my Lorcan? Yep. There was the bile. I couldn’t talk, but I didn’t think that was him.  I think it was just my irrational fear.

Adriel spoke then, “I had no idea you two were together still.”

I felt as though I was about to pass out. The power around me was suffocating and drawing out all my energy. I wasn’t positive what these two were packing, but it was stronger than Toris. That alone should have terrified me. Their power didn’t scare me though. Even if Adriel was an ass.

Toris’s eyes met mine. He frowned at my expression. I wasn’t close to tears or trembling. No, I just felt numbness spread over me like a blanket. It was the only thing I had control over.

“She’s still my Lorcan,” he explained softly with menace and warning. I supposed he didn’t make these warnings to humans, but these two were apparently worth warning. “Isn’t that right?”

I couldn’t find my voice, but instead kept my gaze on the space to the right of his shoulder. I wanted so bad to make my power rise to the occasion, but I was frozen. Frozen with fear. If I didn’t get it right…

Fuck, when I didn’t get it right, I would beg for death. He would just tear me to pieces before rebuilding my tortured soul.

“Lorcan?” Adriel finally asked in a soft tone. I hated his nice voice.

“See? She’s not arguing.” Toris chuckled with a cruel suggestive tone.

Desmond let out a low growl, “I would suggest walking away Toris. We wouldn’t want a repeat of last time.”

Toris was silent for a minute before turning to leave. I breathed out relief to only hear his words in my head echoing around.

Give up.

Give in.

Die already.

If only he would allow that.

“Lorcan,” a soft voice spoke to me. I opened my eyes to find Desmond staring at me with something I couldn’t describe.

“Yes?” I whispered as I blinked back tears.

“Why was he in your room earlier?”

“What?” I squeaked out as Adriel pulled up toward us. The two of them keeping me very contained and their intensity overwhelming me.

“I recognized his markers,” he whispered with concern. “Now, why the hell was a prince of...”

“Please don’t,” I whispered as horror rushed through me. “I can’t do this right now.”

Adriel tilted my chin then and I was forced to look up at him. I hated that I knew what he would ask before he did.

“Was it him?”

I knew I would blackout.

I just knew it.

Chapter 8

Adriel

“She was numb, and she was so codependent. She was young and all she had was the city. But I don't mind, I don't mind.”

-In the Night by The Weekend

I couldn’t describe to you the seething hatred I felt running through my veins. As I caught Lorcan in my arms, I lifted her like a princess. I cast Desmond a look. I wasn’t positive he had caught on yet, but I had told him of our conversation earlier.

She had been raped. She had been beaten. She had been abused. Was being abused.

I knew something had been wrong the minute she left Arizona. Dean connected her adoption. Since then I had been attempting to connect her reason for leaving. Her history. Her heritage. Anything. I had found nothing so far. It was a wasted effort. The two of them had nothing but the adoption papers that Mr. Louvre filled after finding them.

Around three years ago, her career had taken off. Then, about a year ago, she began a steady decline. I had become filled with so much rage that our Li’l Lorcan had let herself go down that path. She had always been filled with so much light, but something had defeated her. I needed her to tell me what. I needed her to tell me who.

She needed someone to hate.

So, I would be that person. I would be that person and I would push her until she broke open. I would be her worst fucking enemy. Unfortunately, sometimes, I pushed her too far. Tonight, hadn’t been that case, but now that I held her in my arms, I wished I could keep her there. I wanted to take all those shattered pieces and put them back together again. The only fucking person allowed to break her open was me.

I would obsessive over each piece and absorb everything about her. What Toris had done, at least what I assumed he had done, was horrific. I felt bile rise in my throat as rage shimmered beneath my skin like a volcano ready to explode. I wanted to break him in half.

I wanted to see the life fade from his eyes as his blood soaked the concrete.

I normally wasn’t this violent.

Damn it. This little girl had been messing with my head since day one.

When I had first met her, Dean and I had been talking about school. My parents, at the time, had insisted on the importance of expanding my world, so they sent me to the well-respected shifter community for Earth realm schooling. Desmond’s parents had been of a similar thought. It hadn’t taken long for the two of us to find the Reid brothers and consequently, her.

Despite my disinterest with literally everything, she had caught my eyes. Honestly, she was far too young for me to have noticed her. It had been the summer before my junior year, and she had just come crashing into my life. This little elf and her temper.

“Deanie!” a flute like voice yelled. I was new to my powers but felt her tug on my essence like a fucking hurricane barreling through his backyard. Damn it.

“Who is that?” I muttered, looking up to Dean and Desmond. I had never been filled with such an overwhelming need to connect a voice to a body.

Dean got a funny look on his face. “Lorcan.”

I saw Desmond’s head pop up from his phone and a small light of interest enter his eyes. The two of them mentioned this name often, so my reaction to her worried me. I mean, shit, I hadn’t even seen her yet.

I interacted often with elves and knew their culture well. My family had only lived in the area for a bit. Before, though, we had been on the elven realm. As a result, I was very familiar with how they felt and their essence. So, it shocked me to hell when I was faced with something I had never seen before. She didn’t feel like any of the fucking elements I had been around.

“There you are!” A girl about fifteen grinned. As an almost seventeen-year-old, I had no damn right to perk up at her. Although neither did Desmond and Dean because they were seniors in high school, or about to be.

I couldn’t help it though. She was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I mean, shit. Her blonde hair was piled on top of her head with blue streaks poking out everywhere. A pair of seafoam green eyes were filled with excitement and that cherry red mouth split in a brilliant grin. She was so pretty it hurt to look at her.

My rational reaction was to get pissed.

“Lorcan,” Dean greeted. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much...Desi!” She smiled looking over Dean’s shoulder. “How are you handsome?”

Desmond turned bright red and muttered. “Good.”

“So, Deanie.” She batted her lashes, “I was wondering, if it was at all possible, could you drive me somewhere?” Where the hell did she learn that look from?

“Where?” He tilted his head.

“Well, Jackson wanted to get…”

“No,” Dean answered quietly.

“What?” She frowned with annoyance. “Why the heck not?”

“I’m not driving you to meet him.” He lounged back with ease. I could see his tension though.

She turned her eyes on me.

“What about you? Will you drive me?”

Dean didn’t need to give me a look, instead I leaned forward.

“Can’t do that, Princess.”

Her face turned red. “Don’t call me princess.”

I chuckled. “Aren’t you, though? You’re getting upset because you not getting your way.”

“Are all elves jerks, or are you just special?” She snarled with bared teeth. I found it easy to slip into fighting with her, mostly because it was clear she wanted to. Any attention from her would be something. I got even more upset with that notion.

“Seems like a pattern considering the way your acting,” I retorted sharply.

Her eyes narrowed as she stepped forward. “Wow, you are just a Class A jerk, aren’t you?”

I stood up to step away. “Takes one to know one.”

“I’m a fucking angel, you ass,” she snarled as Dean grinned from his lounged position.

“Maybe demonic, but angelic? No way.” I snorted.

Her face fumed as she poked my chest. “I hate you.”

“Good.” I grinned. “Considering you don’t know my name, that’s a win.”

“Adriel,” she snarled knowingly. “I know your name.”

That made me pause. I also had an issue trying to understand the excitement coursing through me at her knowing who I am.

“How?” I asked quietly.

She shrugged, “Since you were such a jerk, you don’t get to know.”

As she turned, I grabbed her wrist and made her turn back.

“Tell me now.”

“You think I don’t know everyone these boys hang out with?” She narrowed her eyes. “I know everyone.”

I saw loyalty and possession flash through those young eyes. Something else too. Something far older than the fifteen-year-old before me. Something ancient. It gave me chills.

I let go of her wrist as she stepped away with a smile. She turned to Dean and Desmond, “If you won’t drive me, I’ll use my driver. Just thought I would ask because you always offered to go with me.”

Dean’s jaw clenched. “That was in like sixth grade when you went on your first date.”

“And now I’m going into high school.” She stated. “Like I said, offer is on the table. I’m leaving in ten.”

She was gone then. I found myself craving her loyalty. I also found myself craving her possession. I wanted her to be as fierce about me as them. Hell. I even wanted to fight with her. I liked seeing that passion in her eyes.

“You’re going to go, right?” Desmond asked quietly his eyes clouded with worry.

Dean groaned. “Yeah.”

He put his head down. “Anyone else want to go with me and scare some sophomore?”

I growled. “He’s a sophomore?”

Dean chuckled, “Yeah, I’m sure Cash and Rhett will be there as well. I am starting to think she does this on purpose, that little minx.”

“Damn it,” I muttered and stood up with them.

I had no idea who this little girl was, but he was right, the princess was a minx. A minx who knew exactly who I was.

“Princess,” I growled while holding her against me. “You need to wake up.”

The party hadn’t taken notice that she had blacked out in my arms. Desmond led us toward a shaded part of the garden. My hands pulled back her thick hair. It was so much shorter than when we were younger. I stared into her pretty face. I had traveled around this entire fucking globe for this woman and she had the nerve to mouth off to me?

Yeah. I must be fucking crazy about her.

No!

No, I was not going there tonight. I blamed Dean’s obsession for rubbing off on me.

After a small pulse of energy, her eyes fluttered open and Desmond breathed out a sigh of relief. Lorcan’s face looked pale as she frowned at my gaze. I tried to scowl at her, but I’m positive my expression was filled with concern.

“Adriel?” She frowned, her eyes dazed and pupils expanded. Fuck, was she high?

“Is she high?” I snapped my head up to Desmond.

He groaned, “I think she took a pain pill, but when I got there she was in tears. I’m not exactly positive.”

I grabbed Lorcan’s chin and forced her to look at me. “Do I have your attention, Lorcan?”

Those normally blank eyes opened for me and I was blown away by the pain. I sucked in a breath as I felt my pulse increase. So much pain. Holy fuck. So much fucking pain, I couldn’t help but feel it. The entire thing made me feel off.

“Yes,” she rasped out and trembled slightly. That wasn’t right. She didn’t tremble for anyone.

“You. Are. Done.” I mumbled while pressing my forehead to hers. “You are done with the drugs. Fucking done. I don’t care what I have to do to get you to stop, but I will become your worst fucking nightmare if I need to be.”

Lorcan frowned slightly. “You’re still an asshole.”

I couldn’t bite back my small smile. “Yeah, Princess. Yeah, I am.”

A serious look passed over her face. “I can’t though, Adriel. If it’s not drugs, then it’s something else. I don’t want to keep doing this. I’m exhausted. I need it to end.”

My heart ached because for just a moment behind the expensive dress and face of makeup, there was a vulnerable innocence. It reminded me of the young girl I had met that one summer, when everything had drastically changed for me.

Desmond froze next to me. “What do you mean?”

She swallowed with a small frown. “I mean that I won’t be alive for long, so whether I die of drugs or another way, it’s going to happen somehow. It has to.”

There was desperation in her voice, as if she believed that dying was the key.

“What the fuck?” I shook her a little, ignoring that she was okay with me holding her still. I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Tell me something,” she spoke quietly with her eyes closed as if at a fucking spa.

“Anything,” Desmond spoke quietly. I stayed silent, afraid what I would say.

“When you look at me,” she whispered meeting both our eyes, “what do you see?”

I frowned at her question, but Desmond responded. “What do you mean Lorcan?”

“I mean what do you see?”

“I see you, Lorcan,” I grunted out annoyed. “What the hell is this shit?”

Lorcan paled and frowned. “Shit. Um, never mind then.”

Desmond frowned, “I mean you’ve changed a bit from when you were younger, but I don’t get what you are looking for? Do you want us to view you a certain way?”

I smirked. “Besides annoying.”

Okay, I earned that narrowed set of eyes. That was my glare.

Lorcan sighed. “I’m trying to explain… fuck. How do I say this? Listen. Life isn’t for us. Cormac and I. Life isn’t for us. Love isn’t for us. Nothing is for us. I’m not concerned about living long because I have no intention of living an empty loveless life.  I mean what the fuck would the point be in that?”

Shit.

“You don’t seem to be very lonely,” I muttered thinking about the many men by her side in pictures. Yeah, I stalked her social media way more than I should. I said it was part of the job, but, yeah. I was a creep. Not as bad as Desmond though, who had been keeping tabs on her since we left for L.A.

She snarled. “You have no fucking right to question my life.”

She finally started to move from my arms. I clutched her tighter, and she scowled.

Desmond placed an olive-toned hand against her cheek.

“What are you hiding, love?”

Those eyes shuttered shut. “Nothing you would be able to understand.”

I saw Desmond’s nostrils flare at that challenge as she wiggled from my arms. I let her go as she stalked off toward Cormac, her strides determined and face worried. I looked at Desmond and knew that our King of Smoke was unhappy.

“I’m going to have my men follow Toris. We can’t do shit without proof because he is a prince of the demonic realm,” he frowned. I had no idea why they didn’t call it what is was.  Hell. The Christian term was far shorter and easier to use. It was what the humans were all afraid of anyway.

I looked back at her and felt a deep pain invade my bones. It was coming from her, just like our connection always flared to life when together. I knew why. I knew why our connection was so damn strong. It’s something I’d been avoiding while desperately seeking answers. But now that I had her in front of me, I wasn’t any closer to understanding her secrets.

I groaned as she moved up toward the platform set aside for the two of them. Everyone seemed to be awaiting their performance with eager expressions. I had never heard her play live and neither had Desmond. I had only heard rumor of the absolute intoxicating performance they gave. I couldn’t deny my interest in the performance to come.

Cormac didn’t speak as he crossed the platform to a massive piano. I noticed Toris placing ear plugs in, but other than that his gaze was stuck on her. Lorcan looked like a brilliant jade stone surrounded by black as she brought her electric violin to her chin.

I had no idea what to expect. The onyx colored object looked thin and asymmetrical on one side with an “L” scowled in jade green on the longer side.

Then, they began playing.

Chapter 9

Desmond

Crystallize by Lindsey Stirling

I had been a shy kid most of my life, until I met Lorcan. I wasn’t positive what it had been about her specifically, but something about her nature had inspired me. I had found myself acting far different than I normally would. I found myself attempting to become more capable, ready for anything life threw at me. I found myself feeling things I had no damn right to feel.

Then, in a blink of an eye, she had been gone.

Adriel had nearly lost his mind, along with Dean. I had tried my best to pull them together before I had been called back to the throne back home. Everything had changed once that responsibility had been placed on me. Gone was the boy who could barely utter a word to a girl three years younger than him.

I was glad Adriel and Dean had never given up searching for the reason. The reason why she left. The reason why she changed. Now, she was back. Fuck if I was going to let her disappear again. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell her that either. I was lying when I said I would shatter her heart. I had just wanted to see her react since she clearly didn’t recognize me. She clearly hadn’t felt the same magnetic pull I had.

But if she gave me her heart, I would never let it go.

She was scaring me, though. There was a desperation and hopelessness to her eyes. Those stunning eyes were filled with horrors I didn’t understand.

It had nearly broken my heart to find her crying today. More so, I grew enraged, knowing now that Toris was responsible for it. It had clicked the minute he looked at her. Every instinct inside of me urged me to tear into his very being. I wanted his black soul seeping through my palm as I destroyed his physical body. I wanted to burn him alive and flay his skin.

Not in public. Not in public.

It was the one rule even the King of Smoke couldn’t break. We couldn’t expose.

Once I had confirmed what I assumed to be true, what Adriel had hinted at? Well, it was game over. There were only a few places Toris could hide from me in the demonic realm. After all, he was only a prince and I, a king. I knew he understood the threat the minute he walked away. The fucker wouldn’t walk a step without being watched from now on.

If he drew near to Lorcan again, he would be taken away. If he sought her out on his own, I would make the judgment. The action alone was proof enough. Then, he would beg for death by the end of the night. It would be even better if Lorcan could give him the true sentence he deserved. All she had to do was say the word. If she even hinted at a “yes” when I asked her again, it would be good enough.

Already, my forces stood waiting for his movements. Never again would she have to fear him. There would be one less prince of the demonic realm. It was for the better. I caught Toris looking at me and I met his gaze. His skin paled as the weaselly bastard looked back toward Lorcan. I knew Lorcan didn’t think we could stop her nightmare.

She was wrong though. The fucker should have never touched her and had I been made aware of their relationship to begin with, I would have intercepted. I would make him pay for every single torture and touch he placed on her. Every beating. Every assault. They would be given in kind. Eye for an eye.

I tried to be a fair ruler. I tried to be a good ruler. Then again, jinn were demons, so I couldn’t deny my baser instincts. They screamed for him to bleed. And bleed he would.

All I fucking needed was proof to take down the prince. Old rules demanded the formality.

My eyes traveled back to the stage as I drew a cigar from my pocket and handed another to Adriel. He looked livid but took the cigar. Both of us lit up as I sensed my forces growing around the venue’s outside perimeter. Toris looked paler than normal as well.

Good.

An announcer spoke. “No recording devices of any kind are allowed on property. The room is soundproof for security purposes. If found replicating…”

I zoned out, but when they began playing, my mouth popped open in shock.

I wasn’t sure the best way to describe their music. Transcendent? Euphoric? It was an experience and feeling I had never had before now. There was a tug on my energy the minute her arm began to move in a graceful pattern to play her violin.

It was beautiful, of course. The delicate mix of her electric violin and his piano playing created a symphony of sounds. My brain seemed to absorb what she was playing, and it vibrated through my very soul. The fire of our Earth’s core responded to their music as the sky crackled with the sheer velocity of power coming forth from them. My hair ruffled as Adriel grunted, the entire place shimmering with a blue light that radiated from the two of them. It sparkled like starlight itself and pulsated with each movement of their instruments.

I could feel my energy lifting and rushing toward her in a seductive dance. Adriel put his hands on his knee as he began to glow a very light silver that held similar properties to the green smoke that fell from my hands. Shit.

My entire body began to pool with pleasure and joy as I watched her sway with the motion of her violin. That easy line of her graceful figure seemed to glow with an intrinsic light and her skin shimmered with a water like substance. I couldn’t believe that a human would find these effects natural.

Then I looked around.

“What the fuck?” Adriel muttered.

My eyes widened as the music continued to bless the air with its beautiful tune. Every single human and guest here watched them with euphoric expressions and completely clouded eyes. Their bodies swayed to the music and tears of pleasure fell from many. I had only heard of this type of experience once, but this… was impossible.

It made so much sense, though.

“Why aren’t we affected?” Adriel asked quietly.

Toris stared at us with outrage and I suddenly understood the need for ear plugs. My eyes snapped back to Lorcan and her brother. No wonder people loved hearing them play. They were being put into a euphoric state. Did Toris know what I assumed she was? No. I didn’t think he would have let her live in society this long if so. I decided instead that he was only aware of the effects. Not the truth. I prayed he didn’t know the fucking truth.

I hoped I was wrong about my theory.

I hoped he was so clouded by her influence that he couldn’t see the truth. It made me shiver, because the knowledge of his abuse showed me that her treatment was in fact his true desire. That was how he viewed Lorcan. I felt bile rise as I focused back on the humans under the influence of their energy. It wasn’t harming them, but it was providing them with an unparalleled experience. I didn’t have answers for Adriel, but I was beginning to think this was much larger than what we thought. There was so much research that needed to be done.

If I was right, we were unprepared. So terribly unprepared.

“I know what she is,” Adriel breathed out softly. “What they are.”

So, did I. So, the fuck did I buddy.

My eyes widened as her entire form shimmered in that blue light and those soft eyes sparkled like a rainbow reflecting across water. I could see her power radiating like a void throughout the entire space. Her brother’s power arched above hers in a parallel effect that shone in a lavender shade.

I stepped forward.

Lorcan’s eyes snapped toward me and I inhaled sharply.

Desmond.

I groaned at the husky voice playing through my mind. Adriel gripped my arm as he shuddered under her focus.

“That isn’t Lorcan. Not really.”

My eyes snapped to his to show how unaffected I was pretending to be.

“I know. Trust me.”

He crossed his arms and drew his eyes back to her. I crossed the crowd and moved closer to the stage. She kept her eyes on me as her hands moved with ease and precision across the instrument. Those lips stayed perfectly still.

My King of Smoke and Master of Illusions, have you come to show your devotion?

Cormac met my eyes as he continued to play, but her voice played through my head. That voice held dark, ancient power, primordial nearly. I looked up at the stunning woman that was running loops through my head as her energy wrapped around me like a python. I could feel the seductive purr it made in the back of my consciousness.

“Lorcan,” I whispered. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Her entire body seemed to tremble as Cormac increased his tempo. The power blew back against my tux as I stood there gripping the stage. I couldn’t look away from her. I knew this was the only chance to confront her before she hid behind excuses again.

It isn’t safe for anyone to know our truth.

Cormac’s words echoed as a tear trailed down Lorcan’s beautiful face.

No one can ever know. No one can ever love.

Those rehearsed words echoed through my head as their song ended. All at once the power snapped from the room and their sample performance was halted. The claps that rang through the room were authentic and people cried their joy. Cormac offered me an exhausted nod as Lorcan placed her instrument down.

“Lorcan,” I looked up at her. She stepped forward so that we were eye level. Her pretty eyes were filled with so much pain, confusion, and something far more desperate.

“Why didn’t it affect you?” She asked quietly with a soft undertone of hesitancy.

“I don’t know, love,” I whispered with a hand on her cheek. “Adriel was fine as well.”

Her eyes caught his scowl and she frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“We need to talk about this,” I demanded softly. “Amongst other things.”

As she paled and looked up at the crowd, I knew she was looking for Toris. I spoke so she heard me very clear.

“He won’t hurt you anymore, Lorcan.”

Her big seafoam green eyes widened. “What?”

She would deny it.

“Never again, but I need you to confirm it for me. I can keep him away, but in order to get rid of him for good, I need you to say the word,” I whispered, knowing how hard that would be for her.

A single tear fell from her eye as she gripped my hand while trembling.

“I can’t, you don’t understand.”

“What I understand is that this, stopping his cruelty, is something I should have done far sooner.”

I had never seen such terror in her eyes, clouded with conditioned abuse as her voice grew strangled.

“I can’t Desi. Please.”

“Hey,” I whispered slipping my arms around her. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Until then, I would make sure he didn’t look in the same fucking direction as her.

He would die, though. Maybe not tonight, but it would happen. Very soon.

Chapter 10

Lorcan

“Feed your head, feed your head”

- White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane

I didn’t believe Desi.

As Desmond drove me back home, my mind wandered. His sports car purred underneath us. I just couldn’t believe him. I couldn’t believe it. In fact, I refused to talk about it.

It was nearly 9PM and my brother had forewarned me that our house would be packed again tonight. It didn’t surprise me that as we pulled up, the Reids’ car was arriving as well.

I felt Desmond’s tension and his need to reassure me. He didn’t understand though. I would never admit to my situation. I didn’t want to subject them to that guilt. I didn’t want them to think they had to fix it. My influence would call him to justice because he’s a good person.  Well, jinn, but whatever. I would never put that burden on him. I also didn’t want him to die and I had no doubt that if he faced Toris, it was a possibility. Even Adriel, who’s an ass, couldn’t handle the horrors that so far, only I had endured.

No, I wouldn’t do that.

God, I sounded pathetic, didn’t I? I couldn’t stand up to my abuser. Instead I hid his sickening behavior. I could handle the pain. I caused enough pain for others. If I told anyone about my problems, I would just put them in danger. If I did one last thing on this realm, it would be to protect the men who used to be the center of my every day.

“Bunny!” Rhett swung me up into his arms as I smiled tightly.

I watched Desmond grab Dean’s arm as Adriel’s car pulled into the driveway. Goodie. Cash’s rose scent invaded my nose as he crowded me into Rhett. The three of us stuck together like a smore. My stomach tensed because I hadn’t eaten all day. It was a normal thing.

“Did you go out looking this delicious?” He growled, grabbing my hair, twisting it gently, and exposing my neck. The slight sting had me tilting further and Cash nibbled gently on the skin for just a moment. I wasn’t submissive. I was far more powerful than most people here, but it felt good to give up control and let him be in charge.

“What happens if I say yes?” I looked up at him with heat.

“I say that calls for a punishment,” he murmured as Rhett chuckled. I could hear the other three talking now. I felt all humor fade.

“What happened tonight?” Cash asked quietly.

“Lorcan,” Dean’s voice sounded from a few feet away. I closed my eyes to avoid the inevitable. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I wanted to go back to yesterday.

“Lorcan!” Cormac called with a knowing look “Do your lovey-dovey shit later, we have a gig to play.”

I snapped my head toward the door and slipped past them. Adriel grabbed my arm as I snarled at him.

“What?”

“You are seriously playing again?”

I straightened myself up and leveled a look his way.

“Don’t take away the one thing I have right now. We aren’t hurting anyone.”

His hand left mine as I entered the main room which was already filled with familiar individuals. I knew my time to ignore these painful truths were at an end, but I would try anyway. I also needed to get high as soon as possible. The voice, Toris’s voice, still pounded in my head and I was essentially sober.

“Miss Louvre,” Chris smiled at me as I moved toward my brother’s band. They had been in the “area” and decided to come by. That translated into the three of them being in Vegas and decided they wanted to see Cormac.

“Chris,” I purred with a genuine smile. “Good to see you.”

I liked Chris. He was simple. He was the type of guy who liked to have fun.

Unlike the five brooding, sexy pieces of alpha male walking around and growling with possession at anyone looking my way.

Yes.

I now included Adriel in that because, apparently, he doesn’t hate me enough. That was on my list of things to do.

See? I’m getting caught up in their lives again. I shouldn’t even have a fucking list of things to do. I had one thing.  One thing only.

To die.

“You look stunning, as always,” Chris smiled at me. His hands were wrapped around my waist and we stood at the same height. He could have easily been our sibling. The same bone structure and white hair. Those grey eyes, though, were different. They were filled with joy, not hopelessness.

The other two members of the band, Michael and Ox, were quieter. I had offered them both soft smiles, but they just turned red from embarrassment. I didn’t play with their band very often. When I did, it was only for a few songs, so it didn’t surprise me that they were uncomfortable around me.

“And you always say that,” I cooed as the room around me slowed. The pill I had slipped, unknown to Adriel, rocked through my system with ease. I appreciated his concern, but not really. After seeing Toris. After knowing my power didn’t work on them. I needed to get away. I knew this small dose wouldn’t last long, but it was enough. Without it, the pain was so bad. It wanted to suffocate me. Instead, I smiled at Chris because if I didn’t? Well, if I didn’t smile, I would fucking die from drowning in my own tears.

I bet that wouldn’t work either.

Chris leaned forward and kissed my nose. “Because I mean it.”

I was having issues focusing on him now, but there was an excitement bubbling up in my stomach. I wanted to play tonight. I was eager to test this again, to test them again. Would it really not work on them again? What did that even fucking mean? I tried to calm my breathing, but it felt like my body was moving a million miles per hour.

“Okay. Not happening,” a voice growled. A solid arm came around my stomach as Cash wrapped himself around me. Chris’s eyes lit up with uncontained mirth.

Chris was a playboy and he flirted with everyone. It was nothing serious. He and Hayden had a fantastic relationship before the two decided they were too similar. I was still rooting for them to get back together.

“You’ve got a new lover, lover?” Chris wiggled his pierced brow. I tried to not stare too long at his tattooed sleeves as they began to swirl under my gaze.

I wiggled against Cash’s chest. “No, he doesn’t like me.”

Chris snorted. “Yeah, and I don’t think you’re hot.”

“You’re right, like isn’t a good word,” Cash muttered in my ear. I wanted to see his face so bad, but he kept me locked forward.

“Li’l Lorcan has a boyfriend,” Chris laughed. “Well, don’t you worry. I won’t mark up your territory anymore.”

Cash snarled aggressively as Chris continued. “You should have seen the hickey.”

He was forcibly removed by Dean as his laughter filled the empty space he left behind.

I grinned as Dean approached, closing me in from the other side.

“Did he really give you a hickey?” Cash frowned.

I ran my hand across Dean’s chest. “At one point maybe? I don’t really remember much of our partying together.”

“We need to talk about what Desmond just told us,” Cash started, and I silenced him.

Specifically, with my lips. It was a light touch that caused a growl to rip forward through his teeth, but I escaped both after that. I looked back at the two handsome studs and offered a wink. Avoidance was my game. A party was great for that.

“You are a little minx, love,” a voice teased. I grinned as Desmond wrapped an arm around me and offered a smile free of tension. Rhett moved up along the other side of me with a curious look fluttering across his face. I was just glad they weren’t asking questions.

“Not purposefully,” I teased. I twirled and put myself between the two of them, locking arms with them.

“I’m going upstairs to take something for tonight, would you like to join?”

Rhett’s bright eyes lit up with excitement as Desmond nodded.

“Follow me,” I purred easily.

I led them toward my bedroom, through a separate entrance and up the stairs. I turned to the two boys.

“Alright. Do we like pills, dissolvable, or powder?”

This was Fun Lorcan. The version of Lorcan where the pain tucked away, and the lover came out to play. The version that was blissfully unaware of everything.

Desmond tilted his head as if trying to figure me out.

“I don’t do drugs often, so I have no idea.”

Rhett smiled. “Let’s do dissolvables.”

I slid off my heels and walked barefoot toward the wet bar in the corner of my bedroom. I kept my room spotless in California and it was no different here. I had been through a lot tonight. As I pulled out a bottle of champagne from the wine fridge, there was just one thought on my mind.

I needed to blackout.  I needed to feel out of control.

I need to feel as though I was choosing to be out of control. I needed to feel as though I was taking this risk. I needed to feel as though there was a risk to my life. A real one. I wanted to make a fucking choice for myself.

Even if that choice was death.

While I hadn’t had a good chance to look over the crowd, I could tell that, overall, it was a lot of their band’s groupies from L.A. It wasn’t a terrible drive, but most of these people flew out for the night and some of them were human. Although Dean didn’t seem to have a terrible issue with humans in the compound, it was just more difficult to keep our worlds separate.

Throughout my time in L.A., I reached a conclusion. I think most people assumed we were different but there was enough money going on that they didn’t question it. I think that most humans were aware that things outside of their understanding existed. It wasn’t like the supernatural world was fantastic at hiding. No, they knew and they either embraced it or ignored it.

A grunt came from my mouth as my brain squeezed just enough. I could feel the screams from above. My eyes fluttered and shut temporarily.

“Lorcan?”

“Here.” I passed the three cocktails with dissolvables out.

I could hear the star calls vibrating through my soul. Through my being. I needed to get high to block out their screams. To block out Toris’s voice. To block out emotion. Fuck. I was just all dark and twisted in the head. I had started forgetting things often lately and some of it was important. Although, that was debatable considering my plan.

They took their drinks. I hadn’t included the same dosage in their drinks as mine. Afterall, they had long lives ahead of them. Apparently, Desmond was someone very important named the King of Smoke. Rhett was the beta to Dean’s pride. They had people that needed them. I tried to ignore the surge of guilt about not knowing more about their lives.

It wasn’t my place to know.

They began drinking and I felt good about my decision to lessen their dosage. I lit a cigarette as both boys lounged nearby. I could hurt myself but not others.

Never these boys.

“How long does it take to set in?”

I hummed. “I don’t know.” I looked at Rhett. “It’s kind of always ‘set in’ for me.”

As they sipped on their flutes, I took out a dime bag of cocaine from my stash and drew lines along my long marble desk. The trip we would be taking soon had the tendency to make you tired, so an upper helped. I snorted three lines and sat back in the plush chair by my desk.

“How do you never overdose?” Desmond asked looking around with sincere curiosity. The two of them sat at the edge of the bed and I joined them, leaning back on my forearms. It was easy to be around the two of them. Desmond was so sincere and Rhett so fun. It was like being in a very peaceful vacation spot.

“The closest I get is blacking out,” I sighed despondently. “Which is exactly what I plan on doing after the show tonight.”

“Do you want it to go past that?” Desmond asked quietly. He knew the answer. I met his eyes but didn’t respond. He and Adriel knew my desired outcome. Now, they were just trying to figure out how active my pursuit was. We needed to tell them the truth soon. We needed them to let go. I needed them to let go and before I got attached to something that wasn’t real.

Rhett opened his mouth to continue Desi’s line of questions, but suddenly froze. “Holy shit.”

“What?” I asked.

“You’re surrounded by bright blue light,” Rhett chuckled softly. “This is trippy.”

“Oh, yeah,” I spoke softly. “You all are surrounded by colors. Desi is surrounded by this fluorescent green, you by bright orange, Dean by dark blue, and Cash by blood red.”

My lips curled into a peaceful smile because despite the colors being muted, I could remember from day one how their vibrancy had stood out to me. I wasn’t supposed to be able to see an individual’s aura as a “normal’ elf, yet the energy had always been clear as day to me. I knew Cormac was able to see it as well.

Dark blue didn’t do Dean’s aura justice. It was a rich deep sapphire that reminded me of the deepest parts of the ocean and occasionally glinted purple. Rhett’s bright orange was a vibrant citrus color that reminded me of fresh oranges most days but occasionally darkened to be a warm amber whiskey color. Desmond’s aura was like a neon sign flashing around him in bright fluorescent green, underscored by a rich emerald. As for Cash, his aura was a bright cherry red that equally reminded me of fresh human blood. Each one was so unique and beautiful.

“Adriel?” Rhett asked.

I grunted with annoyance at his name. “Silver.”

It was far more of a metallic silver that was damn near luminescent, which was exactly why I didn’t mention it. We didn’t need him getting a big head about his pretty aura.

“What would happen if a human consumed whatever this is?” Desmond asked examining his cocktail. I looked at his stunning eyes and leaned closer. It seemed that I really did have more knowledge about drugs than him. Fascinating.

“They would die,” I whispered softly. “At least with the dosage I provided.”

That seemed to sober the mood, so we just laid there as the music from downstairs began to pound through the speaker.

“I know that you guys don’t understand this, but it’s in our nature to give into our vices.”

“Elven nature?” Rhett asked quietly.

I swallowed thickly. “Something like that.”

Desmond spoke as he turned his olive face and dark silky hair toward me, “Lorcan, we know.”

“You think you know,” I whispered quietly. They didn’t understand what it meant.

I had assumed Desmond and Adriel would eventually come to the correct conclusion. I just was struck over their inability to succumb to our music and our compulsions. I didn’t want to utter a word yet. I didn’t want to consider the possibility of that until I played again. I needed to make sure. A tear fell against my cheek.

“Your eyes look like a rainbow,” Desmond frowned as if that was upsetting.

Of course, they did. Like how after waking, my skin looked like it was dusted with blue glitter. My eyes were filled with tears, but no doubt flashing with an array of different colors. I hoped that this didn’t give them another clue into what was going on with us. I really had no idea if they knew what to look for. I barely knew myself.

When you’re not supposed to exist, there isn’t a whole lot of literature to help.

“Let me see,” Rhett demanded as he leaned over to where Desmond was propped up. I looked up at both from my place on the bed. I liked the feeling of the three of us in be. In equal parts, this turned me on and concerned me greatly.

“Shit,” He leaned closer his pupils dilated. “They actually are like little rainbows. Purple, blue, green, gold...”

“Your eyelashes are so long,” Desmond frowned as if that was even more concerning. “How is it even possible that you’re prettier up close?”

I noticed that both of their pupils were blown out. I estimated their high would last approximately ten minutes before their bodies kicked it out. Depending on how much power they contained, it could be even quicker.

I smiled softly while preening, “You think I’m pretty.”

I had heard it a million times, but from Desi my heart beat differently.

Rhett stretched his arms back behind him with a grin and closed his eyes. Desmond continued to look down at me with a look I didn’t really understand. I squeezed Rhett’s hand softly for comfort and found myself traveling lightly through my high. I was an astronaut of my own mind.

That was how Tristian and Mimi found us.

I wasn’t positive how long the three of us had laid there listening to music and casually leaning into one another, but I could eventually feel my euphoria fade. I could hear a few people make their way upstairs, but I didn’t think it was any of the boys.

“The party has arrived!” Tristian announced as Mimi squealed. I flipped over with a big grin as both my boys caught my hips so I didn’t fall back. Tristian was a famous artist in the rap community from L.A. and Mimi was signed with IME Modeling. I didn’t consider either of them friends really, but they were a blast to party with.

“Hello, loves!” I jumped across my bed and into Mimi’s arms. Her 6’1” frame swayed on impact, but she let out a laugh.

“You beautiful soul,” She grinned with sparkling brown eyes. “Are we ready to get trashed? And who are these men in your bed?”

I smiled at Tristian, kissed his cheek, and looked at Rhett and Desmond. “That is Rhett and Desmond.  Guys, this is Mimi and Tristian.”

Both men offered a subtle nod. I could tell they were a little shocked by my friends. Then again, these were just the ones who had been free in an hour’s notice. Our time in California had been filled with parties and not much else, so jetting off for an evening didn’t seem unusual to any of us.

Mimi had beautiful pale skin with a haircut so short it was almost shaved in a dark cut. Her ears were pierced, and her body adorned in all black. Tristian was the complete opposite. Nearly as tall, but with dark long braids and expressive blue eyes. His skin was a beautiful mocha color that was shown off by his white pants and open suit jacket. They looked perfect, as usual.

“I have a photographer on site, so he can send in photos to the pap, instead of them showing up here,” Mimi explained. I wondered briefly about them catching something supernatural on film, but trusted that Dean had his pride under control. This was why we didn’t have humans in the compound often.

Tristian, who we often called Trey, sighed. “We also couldn’t avoid all the groupies, but we brought a good number of friends as well.”

I shrugged. “As long as they like to party.”

Two arms slung around my waist as my men tucked me between them. Mimi smiled as Tristian rose both brows at the possessive move. I ruffled my hair and smiled.

“Well, come on! Let’s go out there then.”

Chapter 11

Rhett

“You never knew when I was lonely. You never knew me at all. There's nothing holding me together. There is no one here to catch me when I fall.”

- Take Me to the Disco by Meg Myers

When Dean had told us to keep her occupied while they did a security check, I was happy to comply. It wasn’t my first time getting high and wouldn’t be my last. The main room was crowded with people that I had only glimpsed from magazine covers and movies. I tried to keep my reactions to a minimum though. I supposed I had never considered what type of life the two of them led in California. It was obvious that they had lived a life I could never dream of. I had been wealthy my entire life, but I had never had connections. Not like this.

The amount of celebrities and performers here was unreal. I noticed a good amount of kids from our school, but they seemed to pale in comparison to the large amount of fame and money being tossed around. Even the supernaturals paled in comparison to the names being called around tonight. Dean looked tense from the other side of the room while he monitored everything occurring. It was moments like this that I was positively thrilled to be a Beta, and not Alpha.

“Lorcan!” a voice called. I felt Lorcan freeze at the low baritone. To anyone else, it wouldn’t have been noticeable, but we had her pulled close to us. Desmond offered me a glance before we watched the approach of a man I didn’t know.

“Momon,” she greeted with a smooth voice and blank expression.

The demon vibrated with energy. “Where is he?”

Desmond chuckled as he tucked her closer, my chest vibrating with tension at his threatening tone. She spoke softly. “Who?”

“You know who the fuck I’m talking about.” He snarled, stepping into her space as my hand caught his chest. I let a small snarl peel from my mouth as her hand twitched for a cigarette, I assumed.

“Here,” Desmond offered a cigarette as I leveled Momon with a glare. I could feel the anger building in my chest. My lion was furious that a demon was even close to Lorcan. Especially with what had happened with Toris. Shit. All of this was insane. I just wanted to wrap the girl up in a hug and keep her safe.

“Listen,” Lorcan sighed her expression bored. The cigarette in her mouth trembled slightly, but other than that remained unaffected. “I haven’t seen Toris since the event tonight. I’m not his keeper and I definitely don’t give a fuck where he is.”

Momon snarled as his eyes darkened to black like his hair and his skin turned an icy tone, nearly blue. The suit he wore was a classic, but the creature trembled with unkempt rage. Before he could utter a word, Desmond spoke softly.

“I would suggest, Momon,” Desmond’s voice began radiating power as those bright eyes sparkled with menace, “you take the lead of your prince and stay out of Lorcan’s space. There are only so many places to hide in hell.”

Momon’s eyes snapped to Desmond as realization flashed onto his face.

“You.” He snarled.

Desmond’s smile was scary. “Yes, me. Now, I think you may find your master on house arrest. At least that is my best assumption.”

Momon snapped his eyes down at Lorcan. “He won’t be around always.”

Lorcan’s body trembled as I wrapped an arm around her. Momon stalked off as Lorcan swayed, taking an inhale, before looking at Desmond. What I saw on her face was to be expected, considering his parting threat.

“You have no idea what you just did.” She hissed before moving away from both of us, stalking toward the stage near Cormac.

Desi groaned as I swallowed hard.

“I’m afraid we may have placed a larger target on her.”

Desmond shook his head, “I had to do something. You should have seen her around him. It was like she was frozen and knew she was going to die.”

“We need to tell Dean so that someone is always with her.”

“She’s going to hate that.”

“I know,” I groaned softly. “But we can just blame it on rekindling our friendship or whatever.”

Desmond chuckled darkly. “This is a fucking mess. But yeah, friends. Friends with Lorcan.”  The word didn’t seem to do our relationship justice.

“She doesn’t actually have friends,” a voice purred. It was the dark-haired woman named Mimi.

Tristian nodded as they approached us, “And if she did, it wouldn’t be you two. She has spent years with us.”

“And she doesn’t consider you friends?” I tried not to sound amused by that and failed.

“Like I said, Lorcan doesn’t do friendship.” Mimi lit a cigarette while narrowing her eyes.

“Why not?” Desmond asked with curiosity.

Trey, smiled. “That girl is working herself into an early grave, so why have friends when you are going to die?”

“Why would she die?” I felt my lips peel back as Desmond’s jaw tightened.

“Ah,” Mimi sighed waving her hand. “You know so little about Lorcan or Cormac. Just trust us. The two of them are a fucking mess. She plans on dying soon. They really have no reason to live, as they have explained to us, and I can’t say I disagree.”

“What the fuck?” Desmond’s polite facade broke.

“It’s not a big deal. We all die sometime.” Trey shrugged in a lazy way. “Their argument is valid. They have nothing to live for. No one really cares about them besides their money or collecting their attention.”

“That is fucked up,” I muttered knowing for at least five of people that wasn’t accurate. It also sickened me that this was the way they viewed the two of them.

“It’s the truth. They make themselves unattainable, so no one tries to care. They don’t want to be cared about.” Mimi offered apathetically.

“Look at her.” Trey nodded to Lorcan. “She’s giving in to oblivion and it’s fucking beautiful. I’ve never seen someone so perfect for death.”

Desmond shook his head and grabbed my shoulder. “Come on.”

I hadn’t realized the loud growl that was causing the room around us to go silent.

I felt my heart break. No wonder Lorcan and Cormac were so sad with “friends” like that. Fuck. This was far more fucked up than I realized. They didn't realize the extent she would have to go to as a supernatural to die.

It wasn’t just that no one seemed to care. They actively wanted them to die.

Like some fucked up, live art exhibit.

Chapter 12

Lorcan

“Only love hurts like this

So, tie a rope around my wrist

I'm losing, I'm losing the feeling

You're my tourniquet”

-Tourniquet by Meg Myers

Once I was away from the boys, I found Cormac. He had already lined up several lines of cocaine and heroin. I did several and wiggled my nose before looking over the party. The speakers vibrated with music. People were well on their way to getting high or drunk. I planned on playing tonight and then drinking until I couldn’t see straight. I wanted away from Momon’s words. I hated him. I wanted away from Toris’s memories. I hated him. I wanted away from all of this. I hated this confusion and turmoil.

It was the first real emotion I had felt in a year. Hatred.

I breathed it in before trying to cut it off but was interrupted.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked in a low voice, causing both Cormac and I to still.

I frowned while looking up into those pretty eyes.

“Am I okay?”

“Yes, are you?” His dark hair was mussed and loose. Cormac chuckled with a sad sigh.

“Shit. When was the last time someone asked that?”

I frowned. “I have no idea. Yeah, I’m fine though.”

Dean grasped my hips and pulled me into him without preamble. I lifted my arms off his shoulders before sliding into the embrace, my heart beating rapidly like the love-starved kitten it was. My arms were still up as if I didn’t know how to hug because, frankly, I didn’t.

Dean held me like I mattered. Offensive moisture slid down my cheeks and Dean leaned back with a frown. I was frozen and it seemed to make him concerned. My reaction concerned him.

“Why are you crying?” he asked quietly.

Cormac nodded. “That you are, sis. That you are.”

Violet showed up and kissed his cheek.

“Hey, handsome, need anything?”

Cormac looked down at Violet and he offered a sad smile. I wasn’t positive what he said, but the two of them walked off together. It seemed our influence had struck again. Poor Violet.

When was the last time someone had given me a hug?

“Talk to me,” Dean’s voice demanded softly.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly after startling at his voice.

Dean tilted my chin up in a demanding fashion. “You and I are having a talk tomorrow about your choice of friends.”

“What?” I asked confused. I didn’t have friends.

“Mimi and Trey told Desmond and Rhett that they wanted you to die.  That it is beautiful watching you die.”

I nodded in confusion. “Yeah, I know.”

Dean’s jaw clenched. “Do you understand how fucked up that is?”

I shook my head. “You still don’t understand. No one loves Cormac or me. They literally can’t. Sure, we are coveted and kept, but not loved. People would rather die than see us kept by someone that would keep them away. We tend to make people possessive.”

“Why can’t people love you?” He snarled while beating that dead horse. I was giving him as much as I could without admitting my truth.  But, maybe not. I closed my eyes and considered giving him more.

“Dean, by now you have figured out we can manipulate people’s emotions. Our pheromones make people possessive and turned on.  The first ensures we are kept safe. The other just confuses the brain into thinking actual affection exists.”

Dean seemed shocked by my admission. His face was blank, but that brain was turning.

Chris shouted. “Live in five, babe!”

I raised a hand to signal I heard and leaned into Dean’s chest.

“For so long, we waited and hoped. At some point, the fire goes out. It is too painful, Dean. I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s why it is so dangerous to be around me again. You can’t start caring. I am temporary. Anything you have felt for me hasn’t been real.”

Instead of demanding more, Dean lifted a hand to my jaw and ran his thumb across my bottom lip.

“Lorcan it’s been too late for that for years now.”

A hand wrapped around my forearm as heat shuddered through me. Dean snarled and every bit of alpha power he kept hidden expanded out within our sphere. I knew who it was before turning. I cringed knowing Zeke had developed a bit of a sick obsession.

“Zeke, you may want to let go,” I ordered softly. The hot hand was removed, and a pair of warm arms yanked me away from both of them. I expected to find Cash or one of the boys when I looked up but found Adriel’s angry gaze directed at Zeke.

“Do not touch her,” he warned softly, venom laced through his words.

Zeke raised his hands in mock surrender. “I just wanted to say hello.”

He wants to do much more than that.

I cringed as mental images of his desires played out in my head. Those were far worse than the verbal prompts.

Dean barked. “Get the fuck away from her. I’m done warning you.”

Zeke stormed off but I figured it was only temporary.

Adriel snarled and grabbed my chin. “Next time, knee him in the balls.”

I was locked into this moss-colored eyes and spoke. “I probably won’t.”

He shook his head as his long braid caught my attention.

“Why won’t you fucking fight back?”

“What’s the point?” I countered. In fact, I assumed that interacting with him on any level might fuel that obsession.

“I don’t even have a fucking answer to that, just do it.”

He stalked off as Dean wrapped me up in his arms.

“He’s right.”

I shrugged and moved out of his arms toward the stage. At least I knew I could do one thing right. I could play music. I could create euphoria. I could make you wish you had my music embedded in your very soul.

It would be one of the greatest moments of your life and you would never remember it. In a way, if the boys truly were not affected, I felt bad they would never experience it how others did. On a larger note, if it didn’t affect them?

Well, I had no idea what the fuck that meant.

Chapter 13

Dean

Elements by Lindsey Stirling

I was at a loss when it came to Lorcan. I couldn’t even begin to understand the complete fucked up past three years which she had been through. So, I made a decision. I couldn’t change the past, but I could change the future. We would subject her to affection, and she would have to fucking deal with it. She was our center at one time. I wasn’t giving her the opportunity to push us away again. If she couldn’t take care of herself and choose friends who didn’t want her dead, then we would protect her. I knew that this was going to become a cluster fuck of chaos sooner or later. We needed to be prepared.

I didn’t really have an option anyway. My lion was encouraging me to forcibly remove every asshole in this joint. I took a deep inhale, pinched the bridge of my nose, and watched the party in front of me unfold. It was like a massive mash of Hollywood celebrities, California socialites, and rich Arizona high school students. It was a fucking mess.

My rage was still boiling under the surface. I was stone cold sober.

Toris.

The demented son of a bitch. I tried to put those thoughts away because they wouldn’t help right now.

Cormac stepped up into the microphone and smiled. “What’s up everyone?”

I noticed a slight tone change in his voice, the texture growing smoother. I could hear the evident seduction. It seemed everyone else did as well. Everyone seemed to gravitate toward the stage with smiles and unmasked excitement.

“Today, my lovely sister,” he motioned toward Lorcan, “will be gracing us with her perfection and talent.”

The crowd seemed to love that idea. Lorcan stood barefoot in a handmade silk gown and a tight smile on her red lips. If I didn’t know her so well, I would barely notice it.

“We good?” Cormac checked from his place near the mic. That one guy, Chris, helped Lorcan position her electric violin. I snarled at the lingering touches he placed along her body.

Mine.

My fucking body.

I sighed as the other instruments began to sound. Then, my mouth opened as the twins joined.

It began slowly. It was just her and an expression of pleasure on her face that I couldn’t comprehend. The silence that took the house was shocking. It seemed everyone planned to listen to her. As her body began to sway with the song, others joined in. It was like the crowd was hypnotized by her easy playing. The other musicians on stage even had ear plugs in. Was that so they weren’t distracted?

Then Cormac began singing.

Shit.

I thought they only played.

Cormac sung of cherry blossoms. He sung of spring. He painted a picture so beautiful that it seemed to pour off the stage from his brain and spread across the room.

I could smell them. I could smell spring. I shivered as my body reacted to his voice and her playing. A wash of pleasure I had never felt before exploded in my center to infuse my every joint and caused my energy to jump. I growled softly, as my lion took notice of the energy shift.

“This isn’t normal.”

Rhett alerted me through our mental pride connection.
It was available to all pride members to an extent but usually I only talked to Rhett or Cash though. I had been surprised when Cash had been able to access the connection as well, but the only requirement seemed to be that you were officially part of the pride and submitted to the alpha. Once that commitment was made, it was available for use.

“No fucking shit.” Cash snarled. “What are they?””

“I can’t get any of the humans to snap out of it.” Rhett commented with an ending snarl but ignored Cash’s rude comment.

I frowned as the music continued, all the humans swayed in dedication to each song. No matter what though, the electric violin played a steady undercurrent. Lorcan’s eyes were closed. Her body seemed to shimmer with a pulsating blue energy.

It was beautiful. Unnatural but beautiful. My body shivered in anticipation.

Rain, soft rain. The tears of the gods. The stains of my sin. Rain, soft rain.

The verse came from Lorcan’s mouth, soft and underscoring Cormac’s continued verses. It was like my beast leapt forth to meet her. My knees broke as I sunk onto the floor. I had to restrain myself from crawling forward. No one seemed to notice.

“What the fuck?” Cash growled.

“I can’t get up. If I move, I may shift” Rhett muttered.

“Don’t fucking move.” I snarled. “I have no idea what’s going on.”

Lorcan sang again and I closed my eyes. I attempted to distract myself by listening to the music. I kept tabs on the pack but focused on maintaining control.

I wasn’t sure how long I knelt there before I passed out from the exertion of not shifting.

Chapter 14

Lorcan

“There's no love for the wicked

There's no love to survive

There's no love can you listen

There's no love and

I'm feeling high

I wanna die."

-I Really Want You to Hate Me by Meg Myers

“What was that?” Cash demanded.

I was pressed against my bedroom wall. It was post show. I was upstairs in my bedroom as I had planned to change into something more comfortable. Now, I stood in a very tight position. I knew he was pissed, and I understood his confusion, but I was distracted. It seemed that none of my kitty cats were influenced. Well, shit. I just didn’t know what to think about that. Desi and Adriel had seemed fine as well.

“What was, what?”

“No one could move,” he snarled.

Oh. That.

My eyes tracked as Rhett and Desi helped Dean’s massive body spread out onto my bed. I instantly felt terrible, knowing that something had gone terribly wrong. I just didn’t know what. I had never read or heard about anything like this. I was clueless.

“He was holding all of us, our energy, so we didn’t shift, and he blacked out,” Rhett explained softly. “What the hell was that?”

I pressed my lips together. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Cash shook his head and walked away looking frustrated. I didn’t blame him.

“The compulsion through music. How did you do it?” Adriel snarled walking into the room towards me. The tux he had been wearing before was loosened and strands of his pale hair laid around his face. “It’s the only piece to this fucked up puzzle that doesn’t match, I’ve never heard of that being possible.”

I met his eyes and shivered against the threat of his big body being so close. Honestly, I felt raw right now. Caught between Flirty High Lorcan and just Numb Empty Lorcan.

“Step away from her,” Desmond commanded. “She won’t answer, and she won’t fight back.”

“I know,” Adriel snarled with disgust. “She won’t do shit because she wants to get hurt.”

I brought a hand to Adriel’s shoulder and softly rubbed my thumb against his soft polo. He groaned at my contact and shook his head. I hoped he understood how worn out I was right now. I mean, I truly felt as though my energy had gone through the ringer. Normally, playing infused me with life. Like I said, something had gotten fucked up. I felt like I had put energy out instead of drawing it in.

“Can I change?” I asked quietly.

He let me loose as I let my dress drop and moved into my closet. I heard Adriel swear as Desmond chuckled. After being in the modeling industry, I had very little modesty. I grabbed a tiny crop top and a pair of loose pants. They were pleated and a soft gray material. I slid on sneakers and walked back out into the room.

“Why do you always look half-dressed?” Cash groaned.

I looked down at the high-waisted pants and crop top. In my defense, it was more than usual.

With a shrug, I jumped into the bed, curling against Dean’s chest as a yawn overtook me. I knew I needed, well, wanted to get wasted. I was a tad concerned about their reaction to my music. I felt guilty leaving now.

Neither of the other boys said anything. Instead, Adriel left the room as Rhett crawled onto the other side with me. Desmond was silent as Cash leaned back into his chair.

“I thought you were planning to party some more?” Rhett asked confused.

I yawned with my eyes closed.

“I will, I just need a little nap first.”

He hummed his approval and kissed my temple. The act was soft and cute. I snuggled myself between their bodies and fell asleep.

A little nap that turned into three hours.

“Lorcan,” a rough voice muttered. “You may want to wake up.”

I groaned and rolled my neck before moving from my comfortable chest pillow. I blushed to find myself spread out and wrapped around each boy. Dean was staring at me with amusement.

“So, naps are a good excuse to stop partying, I take it?” he mused while lifting a strand of my hair and smelling it. The thought jolted through me. I blinked, because he was right. I had chosen…

Fuck. I had chosen them over a high. Also, I forgot how often shifters smelled each other.

“I was worried about your reaction to the music and it felt like the right thing to do,” I admitted to Dean quietly. Unlike the others, Dean wouldn’t tell me how angry he was. I felt like since he passed out, I owed him the truth.

“To fall asleep with us?” Rhett asked sleepily.

I shrugged. “Weirder things have occurred. It’s really not a big deal.”

“It’s getting crazy out there,” Cash noted. I turned to see him standing at the end of the bed.

Where are the other boys?

“Outside,” Dean answered in a gruff voice, as he placed his arm behind his head. Man, these guys were massive. When had they gotten so big? How was his arm that muscled?

Hold the damned phone.

I froze and turned to him, “I didn’t say that out loud.”

He frowned as his lapis lazuli eyes traced over my skin.

“What?”

“I didn’t ask that out loud. Ask where the boys were?”

“How else would I have heard it?”

Like this.

Cash’s chest rumbled as his voice came out tight and strained. “How can we hear her?”

Dean sat up straight, “I’m not sure, that usually only happens with… “

“Mates,” Rhett supplied as the other two wandered in, both Desi and Adriel seemed distracted.

“But all three of you can hear me,” I rationalized.

I knew something had gotten fucked up!

Adriel and Desmond snapped their heads toward me.

Oh, fuck, no.

I knew in that moment that my secrets had come to their endlife. I could hide in my head, but without that protection?  They would have to know.

“Shifters sometimes mate in prides or packs. Females are pretty rare in comparison to male shifters,” Rhett explained quietly, as if in thought.

My eyes went wide for a moment.

Shit. Um, no.

No. No. No.

“That doesn’t explain those two,” I pointed toward the elf and jinn in the room. I was now moving toward the end of the bed feeling my heart moving like rapid spitfire. I was not about to get into some life-long commitment, fuck, especially with the guys I once loved. I wanted to cling to every desperate reason for why this couldn’t exist.

“Well,” Adriel grunted. “I think that there may be something bigger…”

“Nope,” I ruled and stood up. Now. No nap.  Now, I needed to get fucked up.

“It’s because of the music. Whatever happened, it opened a channel. Now, our cats are claiming you,” Rhett rationalized.

“Then why didn’t that happen with my brother?” I rushed while brushing my hair nervously with my hands. “Plus, you are still leaving out the two people in the room who aren’t shifters!”

“It wasn’t only your voice that worked us up to the point of almost shifting. Our cats have been putting pressure on us to be with you before that as well. I think the bond just clicked in place when you used whatever magic that was.” Dean explained quietly.

Desmond spoke. “I am not positive it’s a mate bond… but I can tell you that whatever snapped into place during your first performance created a connection.”

No. I didn’t want them to be stuck with a fake bond.

They can’t possibly form something meaningful with me.

I looked to Adriel and walked right up to him with my hands curling around his broad shoulders.

“Tell me that they are crazy, I’ll believe you!” My voice sounded raspy and strangled.

Adriel’s eyes filled with pain, “I can’t do that, Princess. Our connection snapped into place when we first met.”

I felt my heart beating fast. So fast, I assumed it would jump out of my chest.

First panic attack in years. Here we go.

“Oh wow,” Rhett muttered watching me carefully. “Guys... “

I rushed to the bathroom and puked into the toilet. Spectacular. It was like my brain couldn’t focus on what was happening, but my body was in full panic mode. I heard arguments break out in the other room as Rhett followed me in and pulled up my hair gently.

“I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want this. I get that you left…”

I put my hand over his mouth and breathed in deeply.

“It’s not about you. I just don’t plan on being around long.”

“Fuck that,” Cash snarled from the door. “If you think I’m going to let my mate die…”

I puked again.

Nope. I stood up and brushed my teeth with efficient motions. I used mouthwash, applied my lipstick and nodded to myself. Okay. Ignoring the problem. I could do avoidance. I had a master’s degree in avoidance.

I strode from the bathroom and toward my cabinet. I pulled out a packet of tablets and placed three in my hand. Micro dosing my ass. This would get me as close to overdosing as possible. Maybe if I did it now.

They flew from my hand onto the floor as Adriel snarled.

“Let me just get out of your life. You will heal and move on!” I pleaded through quick breaths, “I have to die. You don’t understand. I cannot keep living this life, mates or not. Plus, you two, especially you, Adriel, you don’t want me around.”

Yes. I was panicking. I was spewing my insecurities. I didn’t care. I hope they ran.

Desmond walked up and put a hand on my cheek with a calm expression, “Shifters have been known to die at the loss of their mate. I’m not sure, with the connection you created, how that would affect the five of us if you died.” My entire mind stilled as I began trembling. My entire world was ending, and this guy was as chill as a fucking cucumber.

“I can’t be your mate,” I tried again. “You don’t understand, this connection…”

Adriel’s lips slammed into mine. Where the hell had he come from? I had no idea, but I let out a small whimper into his mouth as he wrenched a hand through my hair to hold me in place. I could feel every hard line of his body as I began trembling with emotion.

Oh, wow.

The bond. The one that they kept referring to, it was there. Five strands of sparkling gold that my inner vixen seemed to be lassoing around like a fucking cowgirl. She winked at me with joy. I moaned into his mouth as he pulled away, fire lighting his eyes. I licked my lips thinking about how comfortable I was physically around these boys in comparison to anyone else.

“Now, cut the fucking bullshit, Lorcan. Cancel any dying shit you had planned,” Adriel snarled and stalked away. What an asshole!

An asshole who kisses like a fucking god…but, still.

An asshole.

I swayed as Desmond wrapped me into his arms. “It’s not so bad, love. We will figure this out. I promise you. I don’t know what this is, but we will find out. You’re safe with us.”

I began to blink back more offensive moisture as it poured down my cheeks.

Dean approached with a dark, almost sad, look in his eyes. “I know you left Lorcan, but this can’t be that upsetting to you.”

I shook my head as I felt the panic return. I wanted the numb back. There was now a tiny, miniscule crack. These beautiful normal men thought I didn’t want them. The truth was, I was just unlovable.

“It’s me,” I whispered, “I’m unlovable. A mutation. A mistake. A fucking accident. You will never be truly happy with me. I wanted to leave this place. Remove the burden of me from here. What you feel for me will never be real!”

I felt dazed as the five of them watched me. I leaned into Desmond for support. I started softly.

“My brother and I are born of elven heritage, but not from Jeannie or Nelson. Although you figured that out.”

They waited patiently, as I nervously licked my lips, “When Cormac and I found out we were adopted, it was our immediate plan to figure out who we were from within the elven community. The answer was handed to us through a dream.  When the stars called for the first time.”

I was about to lose them. I had left before but this was different. This was real. There was no avoidance now.

“Born of earth realm’s water and the galaxy, my brother and I became the first of our species born in thousands of years. We can only assume, naturally, that our parentage stems from the union of star and water elves which is forbidden. When we first had our star calling, it was during a dream. That was when we were told of our burden and identity.”

“There’s no fucking way,” Adriel muttered as he pieced it together.

“Lorcan,” Dean warned softly.

“Sirens.”  I supplied with a numbness filtering through my system, “My brother and I are sirens.”

Silence radiated between the six of us.

Yeah. That is about what I expected.

“Are you fucking serious?” Cash asked looking pale. “I thought, I just assumed there was no way…”

Adriel looked very serious and Desmond’s arm tightened around me. Dean seemed lost in my expression and Rhett just dumbfounded. They understood that our species had been hunted into extinction thousands of years ago.

“At fifteen, my brother and I came into age and our powers grew. So, you see, we had to leave.”

“Why?” Rhett asked through a thick voice.

Tears began to stream down my face as I looked right into his arctic eyes, “Born of sea and cosmos, reflective like water and alluring like the stars, we become whatever those around us need. It’s a compulsion. I can’t not be what you need.”

Desmond grunted as Cash’s face grew tense. I finally looked up to Dean.

“You see?  Nothing you feel for me, nothing you have ever felt for me, is real. Our burden is to grace those around us with their wants, desires, and dreams, but to never experience love ourselves.”

I could see their disagreements forming, so I continued.  I spoke while tears dropped onto my collarbone.

“That’s why I can’t be your mate. That’s why this connection is fake. That’s why the sooner I’m gone, the better for everyone else. I can’t live this life anymore. I can’t live being hurt. I can’t live not being able to be loved.”

Adriel went to speak, and I interrupted.

“You wanted to know what changed. Well, there it is. I’m not sure why I can’t use compulsion or manipulation on you. I’m not sure what this bond is, but what I do know is that nothing here is authentic. I’m so sorry if I ever led you to believe otherwise.”

For the second time, I turned and left my own bedroom to flee downstairs.

Chapter 15

Lorcan

“I'm stepping through the door

And I'm floating in a most peculiar way

And the stars look very different today.”

-Space Oddity by Kendra Morris

I wasn’t positive when I fell asleep. I couldn’t remember after injecting half the drugs I had on hand. Everything began to get blurry the minute I started mixing drugs. I just needed to blackout and couldn’t seem to get high. I needed to forget that they would never look at me the same. I needed to fill the void. Or die.

Whichever came first.

The last memory I had was laying on my bathroom floor, surrounded by a few dime bags and someone calling from outside my door. Then, blackness.

The easy strum of our universe woke me from my mortal sleep cycle. Stronger than the call of the sea, the universe spoke to me in rich, seductive tones that dragged my heavy soul from its containment. It’s prison. Within the earth realm, I was burdened. Lost. Sick in the head. Alone. When I was one with the stars? Those mortal problems were far removed, simply distant memories and pain, washed away with the eternal light of our cosmos.

Our music, our voice, our energy grew from the dead remains of stars, blasted through our galaxy to form the bodies we resided in. The tradeoff for such a gift? We had to listen to their horrible screams as they died. The black voids of our stars often drew out their deaths because frankly, they were indifferent to pain.

Our tongues spoke the persuasive language of the universe and our bodies crafted the sonic waves that the planets put forward. We were crafted within the Star God’s image. His massive infinite universal wisdom and his love for the nourishing Water Goddess. The goddess that fed the earth realm and other universes with strength and nourishment. Mother of All. His love for her was infinite and produced a race of beings. A race that placed a siren call out to all those that would listen. To all those that crossed their path.

They were made to be the nourishment and love the universe needed. Their skin was smooth and reflective, like a still body of water, yet within them shone the light of the galaxies. Their wisdom, like their creators, was infinite. They grew and aided mortal beings in their journey to expand earth and realms such as the Fae and elven worlds.

As mortals grew stronger though, the siren race became trapped within their contracts. Never had they thought the possessive nature of such creatures would be their downfall. Their numbers were slaughtered as people chose genocide over giving them up. Murder over war. Murder over solutions. In a last attempt to offer a future for these creatures, the infinite star god blessed an elven king to be father of a new generation of elves. The elemental elves frowned upon this new Star King, accusing him of falsehood.

Until he laid with a water elf, making her his Queen.

The sirens had been nearly forgotten, a mythos of war within the distant past. When a child was born of starlight and water, the kingdom rejoiced. As the years passed and the child grew older, the beautiful princess turned into a stunning young woman. Her powers of influence grew as well. It didn’t take long for her own love, her own betrothed, to out her secret.

The heir to the throne was a siren.

With a heavy heart the king and queen were being forced to kill their own daughter. The citizens of their kingdom terrified of what that creature could mean. Knowing her fate, the princess consumed poison and threw herself off a cliff, tumbling to her untimely death. Despite their decision, the kingdom mourned.

Never again would a star elf be allowed to lay with a water elf.

Of course they hadn’t fucking included what type of poision because that would have been far to helpful.

This was the mythos my brother and I dreamt, one fateful day. We began sleeping within the stars, allowing our mortal eyes to close and our spirits to transcend. The cosmos was our playground. We were happy. However, we were warned. It became obvious that we could no longer be around those who had once believed they cared about us authentically. It wasn’t fair.

We were different. We were sirens.

Our ability to sleep within the stars, travel our cosmic universe, and perform the music of the planets had and would be envied for eternity. Our familiarity with water, and the ability to communicate with the life forms within it, created jealousy among all. Our very bodies were connected with nature to such an extent that everything touched by star or water was ours. We were the fabric that this universe was made of.

It was a constant connection, as though I could hear every breath the universe took and all the pain that humanity caused it. More so, I could feel the cries that the universe echoed each time a star died. Each fucking time. I would find myself crying as my mortal body shook under the pressure. It was why my dreams were the only place the universe was allowed anymore.

At first, I used to envision plucking stars from the sky and tossing their fiery globes through the air like a game of all. Cormac and I would laugh as absolutely joy filled our senses. The purity of space. The universe’s natural strength and beauty was overwhelming. It was a distraction from the place of love that we had moved on from.

Which was exactly why I shut it down so completely. All that beauty could never fix who we were. Cosmic beings that were mere reflections of what others wanted us to be. Starlit creatures that influenced all of those around them. Immortals who could never be loved, because any emotion felt was influenced by our innate energy.

I could no longer stand to see my friend’s loving faces without feeling sick.

Fake.

It was all fake.

So, I left.

I left because none of it was real.

Tonight, I dropped through the Milky Way, floating through an expanse of open space as my eyes traced Earth’s curvature. I didn’t worry about seeing anyone up here except Cormac, but I knew he was still within his mortal body. No, the only one who I would see up here besides him would have to be unfathomably powerful. A star elf that most likely no longer existed in this day and age. I sighed with a bout of loneliness as a chunk of cosmic life flew past me, throwing my incorporeal body into a twirl of energy. I reached my arms above my head and examined the water like reflection that sparkled under the brilliant lights of our galaxy.

I felt beautiful up here.

Alone, but beautiful.

I didn’t have to feel bad about my indifference up here, no longer connected to my darkness. No. I didn’t even need to worry about how many drugs I had ingested. Up here, I could watch the earth realm twirl on its axis as other realms floated throughout our galaxy, dipping and turning a beautiful motion. All of them were hidden under the scope of human discovery. If they only knew how many existed besides their beloved barren planets.

When I felt eyes on me, I turned to find a starlit figure walking toward me. Instead of being terrified, a sense of calm washed over me. The man with white hot skin stood before me. His hair streaming down along his waist and back. I floated forward and found myself looking up at a massive figure, broad shoulders and a height that rivaled many men I knew.

“They are coming for you, little one.” The soft voice echoed throughout my head. A familiarity washed over me as I studied the star man.

“Who?” I whispered my voice filled with more emotion than in ages.

“The one set on destroying you,” he bowed his head. “Trust your guardians. Warn your brother of the danger. The realms won’t stand for a siren and will kill you, unless you have the ability to fight back.”

What realms?

My only enemy was Toris.  My abuser. I can’t really call him an enemy, if only because of my pathetic lack of fighting back.

“Fight back,” I muttered quietly. “How long?”

“Not long,” he shook his head. “Be careful, little one. Call on me if you are in a desperate situation.”

He was gone then, and I was twirling towards a massive star, my flimsy energy tossed around as I gave into the blackness. The blackness would bring mortality. The blackness would bring pain.

✽✽✽

I'm tired of trying to be normal

I'm always over-thinking

I'm driving myself crazy

So, what if I'm fucking crazy?

-I’m Gonna Show You Crazy by Bebe Rexha

“Lorcan!” A voice roared as my body continued to convulse. I could feel every limb tense as my eyes flickered. There was a dampness on my face and the stench of alcohol permeated the air. My arms were pulsing with pain from each injecting site and there was a sharp throbbing on the back of my skull that warned me I had fallen.

For the first time in a year, I could feel everything. The cold chill from the air conditioning. The press of their energy. The power radiating through my own skin. The pain made my entire body tremble. So much fucking pain. A strangled gasp shocked out of me.

What the fuck was happening to me?

“Bunny,” Rhett rasped with a strangled voice. “We need you to wake up. Come on. You can’t die.” I could feel his lion pacing underneath the surface of his golden skin. It was such a strong pull that I could practically hear the growl stuck in the back of his throat. That damn lemony scent surrounded me and lightened my heart.

Was I dying?

My skin sizzled from the starlight and heated me up until I felt as though I was burning up. I was being filled with power that continuously broke over my skin like waves. Grunts sounded in the room as my chest heaved, a heavy gasp sending me up and my eyes flinging open. Colors assaulted my eyes like a neon spectrum.

The haze was gone.

“Holy fuck,” I whispered, my mind reeling from that dream and the visual change of the space around me. What the hell was going on? What had the man meant?  What guardians? What enemies?

“That’s fucking it!” Adriel yelled as he began tearing open drawers. I didn’t even care. He could burn and screw up all my shit. I had bigger things to focus on. I could see his jagged silver energy bolting around his lean pale form like lightning. That long braid whipped against his black clothing as he began tearing my room apart.

I looked down at the white crop top I wore and found it heavily drenched in blue blood, my blood, and my head spun. I felt my mind swirl under the possibility of communicating with someone up there. I needed to find Cormac.

“Rhett,” I muttered with clarity. “I need Cormac.”

The lion with a vibrant orange energy approached, kneeling in front of me, and nodded. I could feel his soft appreciation skating over my skin and even more so his concern. A soft kiss on the forehead was all I received before he left. The emotion in the room almost choked me.

I could feel a hard body behind me and knew it was Dean from his woodsy scent. My back was molded to his chest and there was a deep purple pulsing light that fell from his skin. I took his hand and examined the rough tan texture. His hands were so massive compared to mine.

Sobriety was like the craziest of highs.

“Lorcan,” Dean whispered his dark hair tickling my cheek as my lashes fluttered close. The neon lights and scenery were messing with my head.

Then, a hand swept across my cheek and tucked a piece of pale hair back. Desmond stood in a cloud of emerald green that sparkled against his tux. God. He was so fucking beautiful. Those bright eyes watched me with an intensity from his position on the bed. How had we gotten to the floor? When had we gotten to the floor?

Cash yelled at Adriel, but I could barely hear.  My eyes took stock of his bright red power. Then I looked back at Desi. The entire room vibrated with a rainbow of power and made my skin break out into gentle shivers. Another group of bottles crashed to the floor. I felt Cash and Rhett leave to find Cormac, I assumed. The energy around me was painfully strong and I knew they were reacting to the power I was tossing around. I couldn’t help it though, the dam had been broken and now, my power wouldn’t recede.

“Fuck Adriel,” I muttered sitting up. “This isn’t because of the drugs.”

Adriel turned with fury as those moss colored eyes turned silver, “No! I fucking told you what would happen if you did it again, Lorcan.”

Dean brushed through my hair as Desi caught my chin, “What do you mean?”

God. His eyes almost seemed to be consumed by flames. I wanted to answer.

Cormac busted in as his eyes tracked my blood and the look on my face. Also, my skin was fucking blue right now. Very light, but I noticed it. He immediately slid down to the ground and used the light from his phone to shine in each eye. There was a tightness to jaw as his lavender energy sparkled against the boring modern drab of my room.

“How bad?” He asked quietly in a concerned voice.

I swallowed but didn’t answer.

“I talked to someone.”

Cormac’s eyes darkened as he looked around quickly, “Lorcan, that’s almost impossible.”

“They know about the siren thing,” I mumbled softly. “If they still want to hang around, then they can. I’m not playing into the delusion. Cormac, this was big! I talked to someone and he warned me about something coming. Something bad.”

For the first time in years, I felt startling sober. I was concerned about a myriad of things but the first and foremost was the man’s warning. Cormac shook his head trying to keep up.

“What warning?”

“What is going on?” Dean asked softly, his voice sounding concerned. “Where the hell did you meet someone?”

I looked at him and then to Desmond. Adriel was still pulling bottles from the cabinets. I spoke with assurance.

“I travel into the stars at night. So, I essentially talked to someone in space.”

Adriel dropped a glass bottle containing poppy seeds. Damn him.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Adriel asked quietly, his eyes blazing.

Cormac grunted. “Drop the tone, Adriel.”

“I said,” I sat up further by myself, “we travel at night.  Usually it happens easily, but if the star calls are really bad, we can get dragged from our own bodies.”

“And this is what is causing you to get sick?” Desmond guessed intuitively.

I hummed softly. “Physical bodies aren’t meant to contain this power.”

My eyes closed for a minute before Adriel’s expensive scent crowded me. I leaned back into Dean as Adriel caged me from above, looking down even though he was on his knees. “Are you positive you’re actually leaving your body? Not just dreaming it?”

My siren powers purred as the façade broke momentarily, flashing my skin a shimmery blue and eyes a reflective rainbow. It urged me to break out of this human shell and wrap myself around such a power source, his silver glow pulsating. Adriel grunted at the dominance before shaking his head.

“That should be impossible, unless you have trained for years. Even then, star elves only dream travel.”

Cormac chuckled darkly, “Oh, I get it now, sis. I solved the puzzle.”

“The one downstairs?” I asked closing my eyes. “Or the one upstairs?”

“The one in this room,” He conceded. “Although you’re right, I should have been more specific.”

“Bingo!” I shouted with a smile. Cormac chuckled. The floors vibrated with the music from downstairs and I found myself swaying to it gently.

“What the fuck is actually wrong with you two?” Adriel growled out as Desmond frowned. Dean’s arms were still wrapped around my waist in a gentle, yet possessive, hold.

“Where do we start? Also, can I have a cigarette?” I asked quietly. I noticed Cash and Rhett slid into the room with their eyes wide, obviously having heard most of our conversation. Without argument, Desi hands me a lit cigarette.

“You see, Adriel, our star elf,” Cormac drawled bored but making a point of mentioning his lineage. “You have to understand, our brains are a little twisted. Not all the screws are tightened. Not all the holes even exist. You wouldn’t understand why. You wouldn’t understand the pain she has gone through or I have gone through. So, stop asking questions. Lorcan will do whatever she wants, when she wants, and explain what she wants when it’s time.”

I grinned at Adriel. His eyes were furious, but he did not deny his star elf lineage. He looked toward my balcony.

“Besides it’s not your problem.”

“Not our problem?” Desmond asked quietly.

“Exactly,” I stood up, shaky, and looked down at my blue stained shirt. “Not your fucking problem.” I motioned to the blood on my shirt.

“You’re our mate!” Rhett exclaimed suddenly causing Cormac to tense. I rose a shoulder and looked around at them with an empty expression.

“The plan for me doesn’t change,” I spoke softly. “Your words are biased, so you can drag this out all day if you want. In the meantime, I’m planning to figure out how to keep my brother safe from this oddly delivered warning.”

“Stop bullshitting! You are avoiding the truth!” Cash lost his temper like Adriel. Desmond looked confused and Rhett heartbroken. I was just happy to not be facing Dean.

Cormac’s temper broke as he let his power lash out, sleek and deadly, causing both angry creatures to grunt over. Those similar eyes flashed a spectrum before he spoke quietly.

“You have no fucking idea what it is like to be her. You have no idea what it is like to be me. You have no fucking idea. You think you know us because of our childhood, but have you ever considered that we just don’t fucking fit together anymore? We aren’t pieces that fit anywhere. We are useless, rejected, unwanted.”

I tossed my arms around Cormac as his chest heaved and he began to shake.

“Cormac, it’s fine. It’s fine. Just breathe.”

For just a moment, it was just he and I in our brand-new house in L.A. at fifteen. It was just he and I. We would be fine. We could deal with this. We could be happy with just family. Right?

Silence echoed around us. I wondered how they would react to his outburst. My eyes closed as he held me in a familiar embrace. The two of us were alone in this fucked up world. Pain lashed through me as a shaky cry came from my lips.

“Lorcan,” Dean broke my moment of calm with a strangled voice.

“Out,” I bit. I had reached my end as Cormac began to shake more in my arms. My brother hadn’t been without the horrors of our life. He was better at hiding his hurt, but there was a reason bloodshed and killing came easy to him. There was something fundamentally missing in us. Something important.

We were two fucked up peas in a pod.

“Lorcan,” Adriel snapped.

“I said out,” I hissed turning to keep my brother behind me. “Get the fuck out of my house!”

The room around me seemed to wobble out of focus as my words circulated through the room. The lights flickered as my skin went from a shimmery blue to a reflective mirror like surface. There was a warmth that exploded from my stomach as I pinned them with a look that felt deadly. Everything about this was wrong.

Rhett tried again.

“Bunny.”

The party still raged on downstairs, so the crack that sounded in the wall surprised no one except the seven of us. Salt water began to spray at an odd angle onto Rhett.

“No!” I yelled with tears breaking down my cheeks. “Don’t you fucking get it? Can’t you leave us alone? Is this what you desire? To fucking torture us? Don’t you think it’s bad enough being around the people we used to love?! Don’t make it any fucking worst, just get the fuck out of my house now.”

This time, I didn’t leave my fucking room.

I wasn’t positive how long we stood there. The two of us with our heads pushed together like when we were kids. His energy was slick and deadly. Mine a wild force with a center void. I hoped that their absence would calm both of us down. It was too real. The pain was too much.

“Everything okay?” A soft voice asked from the door.

Violet.

I pulled back and forgot to keep my façade locked down. My physical figure shimmered as my power lashed out to wrap around her. Violet whimpered as Cormac strode across the room to her. He nodded at me and removed her from my room. It wasn’t safe around me.

“Fuck!” I screamed my temper lashing out as the lamps exploded in my room. That was when I lost it and broke down. Like a fucking tidal wave, all the pain…from being adopted, to Toris, to… to coming back here.

It threatened to drown me.

Mates. Connected.

How many times had I wished that as a child? How bad had I wanted to be bonded to them for life? Fake. Fucking lies. A sob hitched in my throat as I felt everything inside of me, every trapped emotion, explode out. I didn’t even realize I was tearing apart my room until I had.

My mattress laid across the room and the sheets, stained with my blood, were scattered. Broken glass crumpled under my feet as I threw lamps and anything else delicate from one side to the other. The water walls fell on the broken glass like it was being filtered through diamonds. My hand curved around the drugs that I kept, and that Adriel had laid out. I began tossing them across the room and watching the prescription bottles explode. Pills, powder, and everything else covered the floor in an array of bright colors.

I cried out as glass stabbed into my foot. I ripped it out and looked at the mirrored piece.

My flawless face looked back.

That was the problem, my fucking reflection.

Rage boiled under my surface at the injustice of it all. I had always wanted to be numb, always wanted to feel so little. Now, I was feeling and seeing everything for the first time in years. My hands bled as I stalked into the bathroom to come face to face with my reflection.

My hand came down to drive the mirrored wedge through the massive smooth material. It began to crack, and I still looked myself in the eye. I could see the fucking problem.

It was me.

I was broken.

I was unwanted.

I was unlovable.

God, I hated myself.

As my fists began to beat into the glass, I found that it hurt to have my body hit with shards of glass as I bruised up my knuckles. The relief was instant as I continued to pulverize the material until there was no fucking face to look at anymore.  When there was none of me to look at, I thought of them. The fucking five of them.

I wanted to rip my eyes out for seeing their affection. My lips off for enjoying their kisses. My skin off for loving their touches. I wanted to permanently scar myself. My hands were steady as I drew the mirrored glass across my face in a sharp movement, cutting my cheek open. I hissed as an inappropriate laugh fell from me. Desi had touched me so much softer in that exact spot.

Fuck. I was losing it.

Now, I would have a temporary scar there before it healed. Not that a real one would have changed anything, when someone didn’t want to see a problem they didn’t. Blue blood began to pool around me as I stalked back to my room. I wasn’t very surprised to find Mimi waiting with a bored expression. Without preamble, I found my pipe and began to set up the heroin. It wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change the neon lights flashing around me and the power vibrating through my skin.

It was habit though.

“Want some?” I offered Mimi. She didn’t want to see my pain, so she didn’t.

She barely noticed the destruction.

“Absolutely.”

That was the thing about being a siren. People only saw what they wanted to. Even in Toris’s case where he wanted to beat me senseless… in his mind, I was his to beat. The fucked-up part of all of this is the compulsion to fit that mold circulated throughout me like a twisted snake. It was so fucking wrong that it was against my nature to protect myself. Or was it? I honestly didn’t fucking remember a day where Toris’s abuse wasn't hard wired into me. I felt like I was fucking losing my mind with every twist and turn of this nightmare.

Mimi didn’t see the broken glass or blue blood.  I didn’t even need to use my powers on her. Humans tended to be easier to manipulate than the supernatural.

Was that the reason the boys didn’t feel my compulsion?

No. I had never had an issue like that before. In fact, I was confused on why I was pissing them off so badly. Even the people who hurt us, or desire to, were pleased with us because they only saw what they wanted to. I felt pain lash through me at the possibility the boys weren’t affected by our powers… Was that even possible? I mean, they seem to act the same way they did before we left.

I needed to research.

Mimi took a hit from my pipe before leaving again. Her heels cracked on the glass, but her expression remained unperturbed. I could still feel how shaky I was from my, well, fuck. Let’s just call it an explosion. I also felt way more focused and sharper than I had in ages. My powers seemed to be sizzling underneath the surface like a cobra ready to strike.

Even as the usual euphoria attempted to settle in my brain, I sunk to lean against my bed surrounded by glass and blood feeling unusually sharp. My brain was moving a mile a minute in order to understand what the boys were saying. They believed we had a connection. Did we? Like a supernatural one?

Closing my eyes, I found myself searching for those five gold strings once again. Lightly, I tugged on each one. They felt like the boys. I know that sounds odd, but it was like my star travels.  Just instinctual. I could feel each one of them settle throughout my body. Two of them wrapped around each thigh, and two wrapped around each bicep. The final one wrapped around my waist, the interconnected gold shine leaving a brand on my very skin. They had been waiting for me to pay attention to them, to pull on them. I was worried to open my eyes because I feared those brands existed on my physical body as well.

Maybe I was high, and all of this was imaginary, or I was losing my fucking mind.

See kids? Don’t do fucking drugs, you lose your brain.

“Lorcan?” A rolling voice spoke low and deep. Cash.

“Hey cutie,” I whispered with my eyes closed as the one against my right thigh buzzed with energy. My eyes flashed open as I narrowed them at the exposed leg, Cash looked at my skin in wonderment.

Yeah. I should have expected this.

Around the middle of my thigh was a smooth gold tattoo that almost looked like a garter. I reached my hand out, catching sight of a gold band around my bicep as well, to touch it. The minute my hand grazed it, Cash grunted and drew my attention.

“What are you doing here?” I asked quietly. I had no idea how much time had passed.

Cash’s slate gray eyes grew dark with concern as he tilted my chin up and pressed a soft kiss.

“It’s almost 8AM, pretty girl.  You needed sleep.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me easily, cracking over glass.

“What’s happening Cash?”

Instead of going to bed, he walked me toward the bathroom but swayed to a stop. I looked down and around at my destruction before looking up at his concerned face.

“Was this you or Cormac?”

“Me,” I whispered nearly embarrassed.

I felt my chin being tilted up as he looked down at me with startling calm eyes, “Next time, don’t tell us to leave. If you hadn’t been so upset, I wouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered tilting my head into his chest. “I didn’t mean to use compulsion.”

Had it worked on them? I had to assume that’s what he meant. My hope meter fucking dropped.

Cash chuckled softly. “You didn’t use shit. Trust me we left because of how upset you were.”

Oh.  All right. I was starting to feel a tad crazy, not knowing what was real or fake. It was far easier when I just assumed everything was fake.

“You don’t know that,” I whispered grabbing onto his shirt.

“I do.” He ran a thumb along my exposed thigh. “Now then, let’s go find a guest bedroom for you.” I nodded and gave in. I didn’t fight him.

I was so fucking exhausted.

I was so tired of fighting.

My eyes traced his muscular arm as I caught a gold band around his wrist. It was a similar tattoo as my own except an actual piece of jewelry. I touched it and felt a thumb of my energy twist through me, familiar and powerful.

“What is going on, Cash?” I asked through a strangled voice.

“What’s going on,” he opened the guest bedroom, a simple but clean room, “is that you are showering, eating, and sleeping. When you wake up, we will sort all this shit out.”

“There is nothing to figure out,” I mumbled starting to realize that wasn’t true.

“There is,” He commented while turning on the hot water. As soon as he left, I peeled off my clothes and caught sight of my reflection. Fucking hell.

My hair and face were soaked with blue blood like my dress. Glass shone where it had either stuck onto or into my body. The cut on my face was healing, but still pulsated with pain. I stepped into the hot water and hissed at my sore body. The sound of glass falling onto the tiles and blue pastel blood washing down the drain was a relief. After scrubbing my body down and picking glass from my hair after washing it, I dried off. I looked far better.

With a towel wrapped around me, I moved out toward the bedroom and found a pair of boxer shorts and t-shirt laid out. Cash wasn’t up here, but I could hear movement from the kitchen downstairs. When I lifted the clothes and smelled rose, I knew it was his clothing. I saw a small backpack on the chair and wondered how long he planned to stay.

After I was dressed and towel dried my hair, I slid underneath the covers. Cash came back into the room followed by Rhett. I offered a small smile as the playful lion stalked forward and slid onto the bed.

“Bunny.” He smiled softly looking up at me. “You look so cute.”

His arms wrapped around my center as Cash handed me a plate with a freshly-made sandwich on it.

“Thanks Cash,” I smiled softly and looked down at Rhett, his face sleepy and body clothed in a pair of shorts. “What are you two doing here?”

“We figured,” Cash started.

“Cash figured, because he’s smart,” Rhett added and brushed my left thigh making it tingle. His wrist shown with a gold band as well.

“That it would be better if the two of us came, instead of the other three,” Cash continued. “We all wanted to check on you but didn’t want to make you upset.”

I instantly felt my heart hurt for the other boys but nodded. “Thank you.”

After eating the sandwich and curling further into the sheets, Cash joined me on one side as Rhett curled up behind me. The three of us became our own kind of sandwich. For once, I just embraced the familiarity of these two men. Hell. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, but I needed to figure it out. I tried to dampen my hope that maybe someone, somehow wasn’t affected by us.

I fell asleep to the thought of the other three boys missing from this situation, which was crazy. I was pretty sure I hated Adriel. Maybe.

Chapter 16

“We're goin' down, And you can see it too

We're goin' down, And you know that we're doomed

My dear, We're slow dancing in a burnin' room.”

-Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer

Cash

“Did Dean say if Adriel is up yet?” I asked quietly. Lorcan’s soft breathing had leveled out as she slept between Rhett and me.

My brother’s hand grazed her cut cheek with a frown. “Not yet, he’s been out since that dream.”

Yes. The “dream” or really seizure, that Adriel suffered. It was so like Lorcan’s that it wasn’t hard to now see the similarities between their powers. He had only briefly explained what had happened before passing out and leaving us all to stare at the gold cuffs that now adorned our left wrists. They were smooth, modern, and circular. They also matched the two rings around Lorcan’s thighs and biceps. I wondered where the last one was.

Adriel had explained in little detail that he had been visited by the assumingly same power that Lorcan had. The message was like the one that she had been given about the “danger,” but it included a part that she hadn’t been told.

Apparently, and fuck if I knew what this meant, we were her guardians. Now, I can’t even fucking imagine what it’s like to star travel.  Like, I can’t wrap my mind around it. So instead, I decided to focus on the part where we were told to protect Lorcan. I could do that. I wanted to do that anyway. We just needed to convince her that this wasn’t some bullshit compulsion between us. I couldn’t begin to imagine how her secret had been fucking with her head this entire time.

Lorcan mumbled in her sleep before turning into my chest. It was difficult to distract myself from the soft feel of her body against mine. Before I knew it, my body hardened. I tried to not focus on that though. It was hard enough with my leopard urging me to claim her tight little body at every twist and turn. Fuck, even this morning, bloodied and exhausted, she looked sexy. Her touch on that gold band around her thigh had been a straight fucking shot to my dick.

I could still feel my temper from last night simmering under the surface, but around her it just seemed lessened. I wasn’t the easiest person to be around, but Lorcan made me more relaxed. She took the edge off from this difficult life. I had always been an angry kid, but around her it had been easier.

When my dad had adopted me from an orphanage in Phoenix, I had been a furious, brooding asshole. Not that I wasn’t now but having two brothers changed a lot for me. More so, when I met Lorcan and her brother. Cormac annoyed the shit out of me, but I would do anything for him. Seeing him break down yesterday hurt me on a level that I hadn’t expected. I knew the night was over when Lorcan started yelling, so we left.

We didn’t go far, but we left.

I would never go far from her.

✽✽✽

Rhett

Cash eventually passed out around an hour after Lorcan. My brain was still churning though. It didn’t help that I was turned on as shit. Her tight little ass was pressed right into me and the scent of sea salt and the night wind circled through my nose. My chest rumbled as my lion attempted to let out a purr of contentment. My dick was pressed against her ass and the urge to just ram home was fucking with my brain.

As shifters, we were sexual by nature. It didn’t help that whatever these cuffs were, they seemed tied to her fucking tattoos. Every time she brushed against mine, my entire body jumped to attention. Even now my hand, wrapped around her hip, began to grip just a little harder. I wanted to fucking delve into this woman and never come back out.

For a beta, I was an upbeat person. Usually, they tended to be more serious. There was nothing funny about what Lorcan was going through, though. It was very clear that she had been conditioned the past three years to believe no one could love her. I wanted to scream at her that it wasn’t possible, because I did love her.

I had loved her since we were little and all she had needed was a friend to sit with at lunch. Now, I wanted to be so much more than that. She believed that we were seeing what we wanted to with her.  If anything, we had become what Lorcan had needed.

I had become a friend. Cash someone to argue with. Dean a reliable partner. I wasn’t positive about Desmond or Adriel, but they seemed opposite ends of the spectrum. She seemed to have an affection for Desmond and a need to hate Adriel. I had seen that kiss yesterday, though.  She didn’t hate any of us, least of all, Adriel.

The door opened as Dean absorbed the scene in front of him. His face spoke of exhaustion and, as he made his way over to the chair, I moved away from Lorcan. Ignoring my hard on, I nodded for Dean to join her. I knew he needed it.

“Not sure I want to be saddled with that,” he chuckled softly in reference to my readily apparent turn on. I drew out a cigarette and spoke.

“You have no fucking idea,” I muttered. “Also, she has the bands. I can’t find the last one but two are on her thigh and two on her arms.”

Dean walked toward the bed, removing his shoes before sliding into her space. Instantly, Lorcan molded to him while Cash let out a small snore. I knew it was only a matter of time before Adriel and Desmond showed up. Until then, I made myself comfortable on her warm balcony, smoking a cigarette and thinking about how I was going to help explain all this to my little bunny.

✽✽✽

Dean

My hands circled her thin waist and, immediately, I groaned. I knew exactly where the last band was. If my reaction physically told me anything, it was somehow connected to me. Her skin was so fucking smooth, and I gave in to touching her slender waist, that perky ass pressing into me as her face pressed into Cash’s chest. For once in my life, I didn’t feel the need to get up and do anything.

I was content.

I was also feeling an entire array of emotions from last night and the news that we were now bonded to Lorcan in several ways. I wasn’t positive what had happened upon hearing her music, but the five of us were connected to her. And not just because my lion was convinced she was our mate. Which he was. Very fucking convinced.

It didn’t surprise me, though. I had been territorial and possessive over Lorcan from day one. I had to all but restrain myself from tracking her cute little ass down in L.A. The little minx had escaped once. She wasn’t about to again. I didn’t know how we would, but I would convince her of our place in her life come hell or high water.

Despite my mounting duties I was ignoring, I found myself not stressed. Being Alpha was important to me. Hell, my counseling job was somewhat important to me. Sorta. Lorcan seemed to take precedence over all of those now. My brain spun at the fact she had been home less than 48 hours. Had it only been Friday that I had found myself irrationally pissed at her return? Had it only been Friday that I had felt gutted?

The old memories of her loss were still there, but realizing she was our mate changed something for me. It provided me with hope for a future. It also gave me understanding and closure for why she left.

“I fucking found it,” a voice stated as Rhett grunted. Adriel came through the door with a book in hand and a frantic expression. I could never understand how he kept up the “hate” act with Lorcan. It was clear the man was as much, if not more, obsessed with her. Then again, he had taken the lead to travel the world attempting to figure out her heritage because of my suggestion, so, I blamed myself.

“Quietly,” I motioned to the small woman pressed between Cash and me. Adriel’s eyes snapped to mine and then to her with a frown.

“Why isn’t she in her room?”

Rhett chuckled. “Um. It’s fucking destroyed. Like she broke everything.”

My eyebrows went up as I looked down at the small healed cut on her face. I would need to see the damage in a bit, but from what Cash had relayed over our connection, it seemed bad. Since that first time, we hadn’t been able to connect mentally with Lorcan. It was in part due to her blocking us. I could feel the wall and the pain buried up behind it.

“What did you find?” I asked Adriel.

“Proof that her compulsion doesn’t affect us.”

✽✽✽

Adriel

Three years and the answer sat within my own mythology. As an elf from the star line, I should have guessed that it would have been something like this. Instead, I had searched everywhere from France to Australia in hopes of finding a type of elf or family I didn’t know about yet. Instead, the answer was in my very own books, because she was supposed to be fucking extinct.

There was only one copy of the book given out to each star elf. It was a warning to never breed with a water elf. Considering there were so few of us, it is obvious that Lorcan would have never come across this book. I had never given the mythology much thought, so her ability to star travel had shocked me. Then that dream! Except, I was positive that I had been physically out of my body before returning. Well, the minute I woke up with a gold cuff around my wrist, I rushed to my collection of books. This one was specific to the mythos surrounding sirens and warnings of why not to create them.

The creature within my dream, star lit and massive, had informed me of our guardianship to Lorcan and the danger that would arrive. I hadn’t ever heard of guardians, but the minute I began reading through the rare text it became obvious. Obvious why we weren’t affected.

Guardians were chosen upon the birth of a siren. They were selected from the goddess of water and the god of the cosmos to protect them. In order to do that, they are made immune to their powers upon the change from elves to sirens around fifteen. However, the guardian bond doesn’t set in until all are present and the siren binds them through song. Whether she realized it or not, she had bound us the other night. More so, we had always been immune to her compulsion. The gold bands around our wrist, as the dream creature informed me and supported by the text, were a sign of our connection.

I wondered where Cormac’s guardians were.

The book had also detailed the reason for why we hadn’t been affected by Cormac either. Guardians had been selected to keep their siren safe and therefore were immune to other sirens. I nearly chuckled at that, it made sense why we were the only ones who called him on his shit.

My brain filtered back to Lorcan as Dean read over the text. I had always felt a connection to Lorcan, like a tug on my soul. Desmond had as well. The elves, like shifters have life mates, and I had known of her importance to me upon meeting her… I promptly got pissed about her being mine at a young age. Now, I knew that connection was not only real, but so much deeper than I imagined. I figured it was the same for the three Reid brothers and Desmond, although jinn formed bonds differently than the Fae and shifter worlds.

“You think she will believe it?”

“Believe what?” Desmond asked from the doorway.

I smiled at him as Dean began to explain, my eyes trailing to her right arm and the gold band that now circled it. A hum of approval came somewhere from my throat at the idea of my mark being on her. I had shown my cards the other night after kissing her and there was no going back. If she thought it was bad when I “hated” her, she had no fucking idea how bad it would be on the opposite spectrum.

A possessive shot of energy circled through my chest as I went to make myself comfortable. It was going to be a long day.

✽✽✽

Desmond

I inspected the gold cuff on my wrist and found myself happy that we had some type of evidence to go again Lorcan’s notions that we were puppets to her. It was nearing sunset and, despite our many conversations and switching spots, Lorcan hadn’t woken yet.

Despite her bedroom being clean, we had yet to move back there. I had suggested she might think clearer away from all of yesterday's sadness and anger. Adriel had agreed and then bulldozed through her room to remove any substances. I had a feeling she wouldn’t like that, but I also agreed with his actions. I didn’t stop him.

Both of us had planned to be away from our kingdoms for some time, meeting with Dean here to aid him in the development of his pride. I wondered if it had been a larger intervention that had brought us all together for this beautiful, wounded woman.

I would show her that she could be loved.

We had a lot to talk to her about, but the most essential thing was her believing that she could be loved. That it was a possibility. That we weren’t subjected to her natural manipulation. That we had our own minds. Our own thoughts about what would happen.

Lorcan finally rolled over and exposed her left arm, the bright gold band around her tan skin making my chest warm. I knew our connection was different than the other four because jinn didn’t exactly have ‘mates.’ No. Instead, we chose someone to be our flame. That was what this brilliant and funny woman had always been to me. A flame of inspiration and strength.

She made me stronger.

A small cute yawn came out of her mouth as Cash chuckled something about sounding like a “kitten’s roar.” Lorcan sat up as the sunset hit the side of her face and made those gold bands sparkle. The sight was like a fucking aphrodisiac.

“What the heck?” She frowned and I saw that her eyes looked far more reflective than before. I had gathered that her physical body wanted desperately to transform to match her power. It was hard for her to keep a tight rein on it, especially since last night.

“Morning!” Rhett grinned before snuggling closer to her. Lorcan’s eyes looked over each of us before she shrugged and snuggled back into the covers.

“Before you go back to sleep,” Dean encouraged, pulling her up as she groaned dramatically. Cash snorted from where he and Adriel sat. The two of them were a scowling pair to be sure.

“Read this,” I encouraged giving her Adriel book.

The minute she touched it the book sparked and began to glow along with her, a pale blue. Lorcan shook her head as if the event annoyed her and began reading. Adriel moved up next to me to watch her closer. Everyone seemed to hold their breath as she read.

When she finally looked up her eyes were filled with moisture.

“Where did you get this?”

Adriel spoke quietly. “I had it in my texts. It is given to star elves in warning.”

Lorcan let out a shaky breath before grasping Dean’s wrist and his band. She swallowed hard and spoke through a silk voice that reeked of compulsion.

“Tell me you’re lying. Tell me that this isn’t possible.”

No one said a word. Further proving that her compulsion didn’t work, although we could tell she was using it. Tears began to form in her eyes as an overwhelmed look took over her face.

“Really?” She whispered softly. “Is this real?”

“Very,” Adriel stated softly.

Then she broke down in tears. Full sobs. It caused my heart to ache, but somehow, I also knew something had changed. Something big had just happened.

Chapter 17

Lorcan

“You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!”

-Hotel California by Eagles

Our universe, our cosmos, is wholly and terribly indifferent to our actions.

It doesn’t lend an ear to our concerns or a voice to our cries.

The cosmos was terrifying because it lacked any care for us.

So, you were left with two options, you let this indifference lead you in example or you created your own light. It was true, what William Blake said. Some are born to sweet delight, some are born to endless night. The sweet delights of the world were happy to push forth their purpose, their sense of being. I, on the other hand, was perfectly okay with being the indifferent endless night. Beautiful, like a starlit night over a reflective smooth lake, indifferent like the galaxy. That indifferent galaxy could swallow us whole.

I once believed that life had purpose. It had been all around me, a life filled with love. Or what I assumed was love. Once I found out I was a siren, my fairytale was shattered. So, I called fairy tales bullshit. I recognized that Happily Ever After existed for some, though not many. I recognized that healing, forgiveness, and redemption weren’t just given out like shitty candy the day after Halloween. I recognized that a Prince Charming sure as hell didn’t exist for each woman, man, or magical being.

No. Fairytales were bullshit.

Right?

They were the goal of our warped senses of reality and every single creature’s happily ever after was different. They were twisted and short term. As a siren, I could have all the fairytales I wanted. None of them would be real. Not even one. So, instead I was space.

Except, what if space had a few stars that did care. What if I had a few people that could care? What if what the boys said was correct? What if I believed?  Hoped?  Loved? I could barely think through what they had told me and instead immersed myself in reading. At some point, they left to get ready for the day and I was left in my guest bedroom, alone and scared. I had gotten used to their body heat. Now, I was cold.

Could I be loved? I had always thought no. Now, I wasn’t sure.

Eventually, I rose from my guest bed as the Monday sun broke across the floor and invited me forward. I expected my disaster of a room to greet me. Instead, found it in perfect condition and clean. My lamps were missing, but other than that everything had been replaced. Even the mirror in the bathroom had been fixed. I could feel the press of energy in the room and wondered which of my men had the task of fixing this disaster.

“Lorcan.” My brother came up to my doorway.

I chuckled then, because both of us looked exhausted and he was in a motherfucking school uniform.

Oh, god. How could I fucking forget?

“Oh God,” I chuckled softly shaking my head and feeling hysterical. “We have school. We have to go to fucking high school today.”

Cormac groaned with a small chuckle. “Yup. We need to leave in like an hour. Breakfast is downstairs. I’m going to pick up Violet, I think. Do you want to ride with us? Your car was delivered yesterday.”

My head snapped up as an authentic grin took over my face. “Really?”

He nodded, and I smiled. “I’ll drive her.”

“Also,” he leaned against the door, “the guys told me about yesterday and showed me the book.”

I shook my head. “Oh, no.  I need coffee before dealing with all this nonsense.”

“Good luck getting rid of them now.” Cormac grinned.

“I literally just learned about this yesterday.” I shook my head. “They can go shove it if they think I’m going to run into their arms and declare my undying love.”

Except that very possibility filled my delicate heart with so much painful hope.

Cormac smiled. “Alright, tell me how that goes. See you in a bit.”

After he left, I went into the bathroom and began getting ready. Physically, I felt much better than before. My body was well rested, injuries healed, and my mind sharp. It seemed my powers had popped out of whatever their container had been because the heroin I had yesterday, hadn’t affected me. At all.

With a cigarette in my mouth, I began to straighten my hair and apply makeup. If I remembered correctly and according to my phone, I had a shoot today after school. A soft melody of music began playing out of my phone as I received a few texts. I snorted because I had a feeling who it was. There were only five people who had my number besides our guardians, Hayden, Cormac, and my professional contacts. I ignored the texts and applied a pretty, pink gloss to my lips and darkened my thick lashes with mascara. I didn’t really need it, but I had time to waste.

Our uniform was awful. Roman Preparatory Academy still believed torture. I shook my head at the notion that I was fucking going to school. This was such a mess. My skirt was short, showing off my long legs, and hung tightly on my hips. I paired it with a short sleeve button down that matched the pale blue strip on my navy skirt. It would have to do. I slid on a pair of Versace sneakers and a slim gold watch onto my left wrist. You know, being right handed and all. Well, I could write with both, but whatever.

Today, I had a bit of a pep in my step. I wasn’t exactly optimistic, but I was.

Okay. Shit. I was looking forward to seeing the guys.

I couldn’t even bullshit about that. My micro purse was packed with the essentials and a small bottle of prescription pills. I stared at it longer than necessary before deciding to not take any.

It wasn’t some reform shit. I just figured that if heroin didn’t work, I’d have to find a new type of risky behavior. Maybe drinking?

“Good morning.” Jeannie called the phone.

“What’s good?” I asked while approaching our kitchen counter. Now that our house was empty of people, I had time to appreciate how much it had changed. It was smaller than our place in Los Angeles but constructed of three large cement structures with massive glass walls and windows. Air conditioning, stronger downstairs, hit my skin as I quickly scanned over the new leather couches. Cotton had been traded for leather. Wood traded for glass. Family photos for abstract art. The entire place reminded me of a museum or furniture showroom.

“What is all this nonsense I’m hearing about two parties from this past weekend, a massive cleaning crew hired at 2am, and blood on a carpet?” She rattled off the list while typing away on whatever device her Bluetooth was hooked up to.

“Huh?” I asked in amusement as I grabbed a small apple from the counter and looked toward the wine fridge.

About that drinking thing.

“Also, have you been eating? I need to schedule that therapist if not.”

“Dude,” I chuckled, placing the apple down and grabbing a bottle of champagne. “I eat a lot, you’re good.”

She scoffed. “Right same. Okay. Well, don’t pass out again at a photoshoot.”

I hummed. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I have to get going.  School.”

“Alright, have a good day.” Jeannie hung up as I rolled my eyes. The bottle of Dom Perignon was heavy in my hand and I seriously considered having a drink or two just to check it out. Instead, I placed it back in the fridge and walked toward the garage.

Cormac was right. My baby was here.

A 1960 Chrysler Imperial convertible in lavender. Restored and fucking beautiful. Now cars? I could love a car and never worry about feeling like shit.

My garage opened as I lit a cigarette and slid into the front seat. I attached my phone’s playlist and put on Hotel California by the Eagles. My thin sunglasses were attached firmly to my face as I pulled out of the driveway. Instantly, I bit back a laugh at a very familiar BMW. Oh man.

“Morning neighbors,” I turned to pull up parallel to a hot as hell Rhett.

Cash leaned over. “Lorcan, get your ass in our car. We are driving you.”

“No,” I stated with amusement. “You’re not driving me.”

“Lorcan, it’s dangerous if you’re high,” Rhett’s smile dampened slightly.

My sunglasses came off as I looked at both, “I’m sober. I’m fine. I’m driving myself to fucking school.”

Cash raised his brows as I drove away, finding my situation a peculiar one this early in the morning. Then again, I had been awake for hours, so my body was all fucked up. As I drove through the compound blasting music, I found myself happily singing along. An authentic smile broke onto my lips.

As I pulled into the lot, my eyes trailed up to Roman Prep. It was a bright obnoxious building made of open-air classrooms and breezy fans. I bet they blasted air conditioning into the open fucking air. They seemed like the type. Instantly, I drew attention and cameras began to flash from the media lining the parking lot gates. It didn’t surprise me. We had made no secret of our new location and school. It was a decision made along with getting rid of the NDA policy.

We had just stopped caring anymore.

I rose a hand in greeting because I was in a good fucking mood. Students watched me wide eyed with phones up as I pulled into a spot near my brother’s familiar SUV. He sat on the top of it with Violet leaning in between his legs, his smile relaxed and eyes lidded.

Honestly, I hadn’t bothered to pay attention to Violet this weekend. Now though? Now, I quickly analyzed her and found that she really was very beautiful. Her height was slightly shorter than my own and she had thick beautiful dark hair that was unfortunately not violet colored. With her olive complexion and soft brown hair, she would have looked fantastic with colored hair. I considered suggesting it but that seemed like a lot of work.

“Hey, you!” I kept my face blank as Violet greeted me. Cormac’s smile reminded me of the Cheshire Cat as he threw an arm around the woman and massaged her shoulders.

“Mornin’, Violet,” I could be polite.

“We ready?” I asked as Cormac looked up from his staring at Violet. Interesting. If I didn’t know my brother better, I would think he cared about her. My throat tightened.

You’re all alone Lorcan.

Give up.

Give in.

Die already.

No. Come on, Lorcan. No.

I didn’t wait for any of the boys to show up and decided to go inside. As I walked into class, I lit a cigarette and attempted to keep the depressing thoughts at bay. I knew that if I focused on it for too long, I wouldn’t be able to get back up. Wasn’t the first day of school supposed to be exciting?

“Miss, we don’t smoke in here,” A brown-haired woman with massive glasses snapped. I took another inhale of my cigarette before dropping a slip onto her desk. She read over my name and entrance notes before looking back up at me. I wasn’t positive what I looked like, but she seemed to pale at my darkened sunglass eyes and easy posture.

She needed someone to reprimand. She needed control.

Before she could say anything, I took the cigarette and dropped it onto the tile floor. My sneaker ground it out before I tilted my head to her in a sign of minimum respect. The classroom was silent. I hated that I felt the compulsion to please her.

“Why did you do that?” A girl asked in defense of my reaction to the teacher. I almost laughed at that, but then again, I had been trying to be polite. All she had cared about was what it looked like with my expensive sneakers grounding a cigarette butt into the floor.

I crouched down as I passed the girl’s desk, so that I was eye level with her. Those eyes widened in surprise as I placed a hand on her desk.

“I’m sorry, do we know one another?”

The girl opened her mouth, “My name is Eliz-”

“I don’t care,” I whispered sweetly while slipping off my glasses. “Unless I know you or care to know you, I don’t care about your opinion. So, don’t question my actions. This is your first and only warning before you find out what rude looks like.” Her eyes glazed over at my closeness.

She wants someone to bitch about. She wanted someone to hate.

It was odd. After being constantly surrounded by the boys, I had grown used to not hearing these mental nudges. These compulsive desires. They seemed stronger now. Mimi’s and Hayden’s had become second nature to me. This was a new experience for me. Fresh desires. A new group of fucking people wanting me to be what they needed.

The girl swallowed before I stood up and sauntered to the back of the classroom. I really don’t remember the rest of the class. Or the following three. I didn’t have to make any more threats. No, everyone essentially left me alone. I appreciated it. It wasn’t that I hated school, I was just bored. When my useless classes were over, I left toward the open pavilion I had seen earlier. My class right before lunch had let out a few minutes early. I knew without a doubt that Cormac was missing class already.

“I forgot how intense shifters can be,” Cormac whined. The two of us had positioned ourselves in the back of the pavilion to smoke in peace. At our old school, that was common. Here, everyone seemed to have a preppy fucking blazer shoved up their asses. I was suddenly very thankful I had attended school in California. Then again, the notion of not going to school with all…

No, I wouldn’t go there.

I couldn’t think of them right now because they would buzz in my head all day.

Plus, the planets had grown louder as the morning progressed. My brain creaked under the pressure of the screams from above. I couldn’t explain the pain that was associated with a mortal realm brain hearing a star die and didn’t want to because usually I blocked it out with my high.

“The planets are loud today,” Cormac muttered before taking out some pills he kept in a messenger bag he often wore. My hands itched to ask him for something.

“Yeah,” I groaned softly. “Yeah, they are.”

The two of us didn’t talk much about our nightly ventures and normally explored alone. Then again, when you were the only two people to know and to understand what you were, what you were going through. It was nice to know someone else was there to look out for you. Cormac didn’t travel as much as I did. He was lucky the planets seemed to not want him as much.

“I suppose this move could be worse,” he mused with indifference. “Plus, I sorta like having Violet around.”

I snorted. “I’ll bet you do.”

The bell rang and students began to flood the pavilion for lunch. I lit another cigarette and crossed my legs. Cormac took out his phone and tossed me a headphone. Instantly, the sound of NF filled my ear in a pulsating rhythm. I closed my eyes as we attempted to block out the individuals staring.

Just fucking ignore the new kids in the corner, I urged.

Oh, wait. Impossible. Our parties had been over social media all fucking weekend.

It was our own damn fault.

Everything felt different in the light of a school day though. My thoughts had been so focused on the boys that I had forgotten about this. Our actual responsibilities for this meager life.

“Excuse me,” a high-pitched voice called.

I squinted my eye open as my brother flashed a predatory smile to our resident, just assuming here, popular girl. Her hair was a deep rich brown, and those eyes?  Nearly hawkish. She was dressed in a cute little white golf dress with matching shoes. I could feel my inner energy begging me to take advantage of this situation.

My brother beat me to it.

“Hey,” he cooed. “What can we do for you?”

The young woman looked taken aback. Ah, come on, what did she expect? The traditional asshole new kid troupe? No. We didn’t have time for that. Plus, I could see Laura scowling at me from the table this woman had walked over from. Good old Laura.

She wants someone to fight. Someone to hate.

The girl pressed her lips together and smiled with a little plastic. “I wanted to invite you to sit with us.”

“Cormac,” I sighed with a little wistful tone. “Isn’t that the sweetest?”

Cormac nodded and put a hand out onto her shoulder to pulse energy through her,

“Unfortunately, we just aren’t really into lunchtime table assignments, you know? We like to see where the day takes us.”

The woman’s eyelashes fluttered as a plain expression came over her face, “Of course. My name is Margo, by the way, if you need anything.”

She wants someone to pay attention to her instead of Laura.

Fascinating. It must be a fucking strong desire for a name to be broadcasted.

“Margo,” I smiled and kissed her cheek lightly, “you’ve been wonderful.”

She nodded, a blush staining her cheeks, as she turned to walk away. I had to hold in my grin because Cormac and I were very aware of her confusion right now. So was the burden of being a siren. At least people left us the fuck alone usually.  Right now, poor Margo was probably questioning her sexuality because of me.

Poor thing.

Also, fuck my life because I gave into my compulsion to give her attention.

“Uh oh,” Cormac snickered, “the pride does not look happy.”

I let my small smile slip as I looked over, happy for my sunglasses.

“Eh? Houston? We have a problem,” Cormac joked as Cash stalked over.

“Shut it,” I nudged him as Cash made his way to stand in front of me. I found myself wanting to curl into his rose scent that lifted around me. He wore a pair of tan dress pants and a polo that complemented his red hair.

“You can’t use influence on humans,” Cash snapped at Cormac.

Cormac shrugged as I gave into my desire and wrapped my arms around him. His chest rumbled as the anger seeped out of him, my head resting against his hard chest.

“And you.” He tilted my head up as I coyly smiled at him. “You really aren’t high, are you?”

I shook my head. “Doesn’t work anymore.”

I gripped his gold band as he groaned, growing hard against me. “I think it has to do with these.”

Now that he wasn’t angry, Cash seemed horny. His hands slid against my smooth legs as I wedged myself closer. We could, in my opinion, always be closer. There was a solid part of me that believed he was immune to siren shit. I liked that he didn’t agree with shit I did and fought with me.

“You are riding with us from now on,” he demanded softly and ran a thumb across my lips. I licked his thumb as he let out a low sound from the back of his throat.

“Can you not fuck in front of me?” Cormac chuckled. “Rhett, get them away from each other.”

Rhett chuckled as he sat behind me and wrapped an arm around me. I wedged myself between the two of them and felt his hardness against my ass. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

“How are you feeling today?”

For once, I smiled and answered honestly. “Okay.”

Cash’s eyes sparkled as he smoothed a hand down my throat. It was filled with so much affection that I had to look away. Rhett’s expression of hopefulness was even worse.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. I had no idea what I was doing. My thighs tingled as Cash began talking to Cormac and stroking my right leg absently. Rhett seemed to do the same, as he stole my headphones and rolled his forehead against my shoulders. I could feel eyes on us, but I just didn’t fucking care. Now that I was around the two of them, my head was silent from those frustrating and awful compulsive desires of high school students. Really, they were a bunch of sick puppies.

Maybe keeping them around was the key to curing my craziness.

I wish they helped with the planets. That shit hurt.

“Lorcan,” a deep voice strummed from behind. A voice so unlike Rhett’s clear voice and Cash’s rolling tone. Dean had a voice I could recognize miles away. That’s right. I had overheard that he advised here. Fucking fascinating.

Cormac mused, “Now Dean, I don’t think faculty are supposed to hang with students. Am I right?”

Dean circled around us and met my gaze with his own rich lapis lazuli eyes. Those eyes saw everything. I kept my face blank, feeling far less playful than before, because I knew he was going to be serious after this weekend. It was a surreal experience being with them at school after everything that had happened.

“A teacher, huh?” I asked the expressionless man staring at me intently. I couldn’t help the small flirty smile tugging on my lips. Well, looks like I’m about to be a very naughty student.

Shit. Like I said. I couldn't even decide what to do in this situation. Fight? Flight? Fuck? I was very undecided, and my hormones weren’t helping.

“Just until they graduate,” he explained with a soft dangerous voice that made his eyes flash with heat. Oh, Dean knew exactly what was on my mind.

I went to respond.

Then I heard it. My eyes fluttered shut as the sound vibrated through my being from the cosmos above. It was like my very soul was being tugged from my body, I inhaled sharply as Cormac’s hand closed around my shoulder. He could feel it. I had always been far more connected with the horrific screams from space, but I knew he could hear it. The star screams echoed in my ears and rang in soft vibrations that I would remember until the day I die.

“Lorcan!” Dean’s voice echoed through my head as my eyes flashed open.

For just a moment, I saw myself reflected in his eyes. Those sea foam green eyes sparkled with something not of this world, his jaw tightened in recognition. My blood trailed down my nose as my brain squeezed uncomfortably.

“Here,” Cormac pressed a cloth to my nose. The blood on it was a pale blue.

“Is it always this frequent?” Cash asked his voice rough.

“It’s getting worse,” I mumbled as Dean’s jaw grew tight. His hands were itching to touch me, but he stayed a few inches away. Rhett didn’t stop comforting me with light touches.

“We need to talk tonight,” Dean rationalized. “All five of us.”

My hands reached for a cigarette as Cormac lit it for me, “I agree. I have a shoot today though. I’ll swing by on the way home.”

“Where is your shoot at?” Cash demanded softly.

“Phoenix,” I looked at my watch. “I actually may leave early.”

Dean frowned. “Lorcan, you’re still a student.”

I chuckled, “Let’s stop right there. Just because something has changed doesn’t mean you can boss me around Deanie. I’m not going to change who I am. You don’t think it’s at all fucked up we are in school today, or even at all? Especially after everything this weekend?”

Dean agreed with me, his nod sharp. I stood up as Rhett squeezed my hips and Cash rubbed my waist gently.

“Plus,” I batted my lashes at Dean, “I’m sure my favorite teacher and counselor can give me the full run down.”

That earned me an actual growl. I winked at him and grabbed my bag.

“Anyone want to go with me? Cormac? Boys?”

Cormac frowned. “I’m going to hang with Violet after school.”

I almost smiled at that.

Dean shook his head. “I can’t leave, but you two should go with her.”

“What if they don’t want to come?” I rose a brow with a smile.

Cash tugged on my ear as he pressed into my back with an obscene hard on that had desire pooling in my stomach. “I definitely want to come.”

“You dirty bastard,” I chuckled smirking at him.

He purred against my neck before nibbling it. “Trust me. You have no idea.”

Rhett groaned. “Whatever this bond thing did, it made me super horny.”

I looked sympathetically at Rhett, his eyes wide and pouting, before looking at Dean. “What about you Deanie? You strugglin’?”

Cormac made a gagging sound as he put in his other headphone. Dean hummed and stepped closer to me. “Do you want to check, Ms. Louvre?”

“Maybe I do,” I bit my lip. “We could go back to your office. I mean this little skirt?” I motioned to the article of clothing in question.

“Fuck,” Dean hissed. “You guys need to go before I lose it.”

I chuckled and walked past him, drawing my hand briefly across his pants and his hard length that twitched under my hand’s attention. Fuck. What was going on with me? I mean, I had always been turned on around them, but today, I felt emboldened. I felt…fuck. I felt like myself. Despite being young, when I had been sober, there had been a confidence and life to my personality. Deanie had called me a minx for a reason.

My heart pounded uneven rhythms at the idea of changing so much. I kept my eyes on the car as the three of us crossed the parking lot. I didn’t think twice about my arm around Cash or my hand in Rhett’s hand, until the cameras flashed. I slipped on my sunglasses.

“Embarrassed to be with us, kitten?” Cash offered me a challenging smile.

I took my emboldened attitude and hope at our new situation before speaking. Rhett sat in the back but leaned forward as Cash took passenger. My lips opened.

“No. I’m worried about Toris and him seeing the photos.”

Cash let out a low growl. “Adriel and Desmond have people watching him.”

Rhett massaged my shoulder. “All you have to do is say the word and he’s gone. Why are you hesitant?”

Why was I hesitant? A spark of fear traveled down my spine. Part of me was hesitant because I didn’t believe it would work. Part of me literally couldn’t find the words. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I was broken.

Give up.

Give in.

Just die already.

“Bunny?” Rhett mumbled. I broke out of it and looked up.

“Later,” I muttered and turned the car over. As we pulled out of the lot, I could feel the eyes of the media on us. I found myself turning on Otherside by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Rhett’s soft voice tumbled out and I had a moment where I almost joined him. I couldn’t though.

Or could I?

With much decision, I sang out a soft verse. My eyes shot to both men and they seemed interested but didn’t get glassy eyed. I also didn’t get any siren nudges about their desires. I wanted to keep testing this shit.

So, as we drove the hour into Phoenix, the two of us sang and eventually, Cash joined in with a low rough voice. For just those sixty minutes, I felt as normal as a girl like me could. My smile was hesitant, but I could feel hopefulness trailing through my system like a drug.

“Here we go,” I muttered as I pulled up to the IME building. The shoot was at an IME office, so I tossed the keys to the valet as the three of us crossed toward the massive building.

“Who the fuck are all these people?” Cash hissed.

In front of a massive dark slate building with glass doors and two large security officers, were two massive groupings of people. They were filled with people holding up pictures and magazines that stretched all the way down the block in both directions. All of them seemed to be eagerly waiting for my arrival. I swallowed hard and walked forward. The roar of people around us turned massive as I made my way toward the doors. Magazines were tossed into our walking space as security forced people back. I tried to keep my smile in place as both men hovered.

“Lorcan!” a young girl called. “Can you sign this?”

Ignoring the hands and screams for me, I knelt and took the young girl’s marker. I could ignore fans like the ones around her for days. I never ignored a girl like this though.

“I want to be a musician like you, I saw your last performance,” she said with a smile only an eight-year-old could master.

I handed back her signed booklet, from the performance and opened my purse.

“I have no doubt that you will, but if you ever need any lessons, give your parents this card. Alright? Do you promise? This man will help you become very good at the violin.”

She nodded and I pressed a soft hand to hers, before continuing. We finally stepped into a large foyer, I paused with a sigh as the doors closed the vacuum shut.

“Whose number did you give her?” Rhett asked softly.

I looked up. “The man who helped Cormac and I train. He lives in earth realm, but he is of elven heritage. She comes from a less financially fortunate situation, according to her parents’ desires, so if she calls him, he will make it possible for her to train without worrying about money. The lessons will be free. It was a deal we made a while ago. We need more musicians and artists in the world. It’s why I play, and it’s why I model. I showcase others’ dreams and inspiration.”

Both men froze at my long-winded explanation. I tried to not blush.

I broke the tension. “Come on, let’s go play dress up.”

Chapter 18

Lorcan

“It's hard to do these things alone

Just hold on, we're going home.”

-Hold On, We’re Going Home by Drake

Photoshoots were never easy. Especially when they included two very large cat shifters hovering in the space between the set and my dressing room. Each time I would change into or out of an outfit… there was a reaction.

The bikinis got a smirk from Rhett and a low growl from Cash.

The dresses got a smile from Rhett and a low growl from Cash.

The designer suit got a nod from Rhett and a low growl from Cash.

There was good news.  When I put on a loose sweater both were smiling…until they realized I would be only wearing that and a pair of lace boy shorts. I think Cash’s exact words were, “No fucking way.”

Of course, the In Style people found it hilarious. I wasn’t positive what to think about it, so I laughed along. The main thought in my brain was about being sober. I think this was the longest I had been sober in a year. It was breathtaking. Not only was the sharpness and clarity messing with my head, but I found myself listening to the stars instead of blocking them out. It was painful, but letting it cycle through my brain hurt less than blocking it. The neon vibrancy of my world was becoming the new normal.

The only thing that sucked was the pain. I could feel the fucking pain from the emotional trauma Toris caused. I usually blocked it out but being in a relationship with these boys would be difficult while sober. That was the honest truth. I was comfortable around them physically, but besides some touches and a few kisses, there hadn’t been anything to test how I would react to more than that. I couldn’t even count Dean’s brush of the lips. I couldn’t fucking believe I had kissed Adriel. Cash, I could believe though. That made sense to me.

It was the last shot. Emmy from In Style was directing me to stand in the center of the set and smile. It was a simple pose for a lace sports bra and boy shorts. Her desire for me to look a certain way had it happening before I could control it. Maybe that was why I could model so well.  I could literally see what the photographer wanted. I could tell neither of my cat shifters was happy, but oh well.

Yes, because they look terribly unhappy.

My siren pointed out to me the distinctive tense posture and bulge each of them were showcasing. I smiled just a tad more at that. For just a moment, I was content. It was normal for me to notice the physical state of those around me, but nothing popped to mind about what they wanted from me. Instead, they just seemed to want me.

I was cool with that.

Then I heard it. I heard him.

“Toris,” Emmy cheered. “You showed up.”

I brought my eyes down to meet that pair of dark reflective eyes and predatory smile. I felt my siren snarl, creating a rumble to echo in my chest. The In Style photographer introduced herself and I stepped away from the set. I had forgotten that our covers had been planned closely together. I hated that he was in the area and seemed to be sticking around.

I could only have prayed that his appearance this weekend had been a one-time thing.

Before I could even slip on a robe, my eyes on Cash and Rhett’s shocked expression, cold icy energy filled my spine. I froze and felt fear rocket through my system. I could feel his rage and I knew that I would suffer for it.

I didn’t blame Desmond. I had told him that he would still get to me.

“What’s the rush?” He purred with interest grabbing the back of my neck. I kept my eyes on Cash’s as his face grew red and a low growl broke from his lips.

“Step away from her,” Rhett demanded. Both had recovered from their shock, but it didn’t help. My body and brain were frozen and closed. My happiness, my hopefulness, it was gone. I could barely breathe as my body slumped.

Call them off or I’ll slaughter them.

My eyes teared up as Cash stepped forward. I put up a hand to his chest and shook my head.

Toris, leave them out of this.

You think I wouldn’t notice Desmond’s men trailing me?

His grip tightened as he tilted my head back. It left my neck exposed. Rhett had a hand on a barely restrained Cash. They knew something was going on, but they didn’t understand.

Please Toris.

Tonight. I will see you tonight. You wanted my attention? You have it Lorcan.

Tears began to fall down my face as he let go of my now bruised neck. He leaned into my ear, “Don’t be so fucking dramatic.”

I felt him walk away as I swallowed hard and met the two pairs of furious eyes in front of me. Embarrassment and shame coursed through me. I was so fucking weak. I had let the fucker condition me to fear him. Now, even without his powers, I was paralyzed around him. It was fucking hopeless. They couldn’t save me from him.

Give up.

Give in.

Die already.

“I need to go home,” I managed to get out.

Cash growled. “Lorcan?”

I shook my head and met his eyes, “Not now. Please.”

Rhett frowned. “Fine, but Dean wanted to talk tonight and now with this?”

Pain lashed through me because I knew what was waiting for me at home. I shook my head.

“I’m exhausted tonight, please let’s talk tomorrow.”

Rhett squeezed my waist with a resigned expression. “All right, let’s get her home.”

Without a nod of agreeance from Cash, we left IME studios and picked up my baby. This time, I let Cash drive because I could barely keep my eyes open. Tonight was going to be long.

I began numbing myself to the upcoming pain.

✽✽✽

After the fire drove out the sparrows

All of the clouds hang like owls

Hey, are you listening, I cannot reach you

I'm on the other side, trying to break through

-Sirens by Fleurie

Give in. Give up. Die already.

Those words echoed through my head as I laid in a pool of my own fucking blood. I had expected it, but the pain didn’t lessen. My entire body was trembling from the beating that he had administered. Luckily, it had been nothing more. He hadn’t done that since the first time…He just threatened to. The beatings though? He got off on that shit.

Maybe I would die this time.

I could feel my body attempting to heal itself and I hoped I would be able to get up before Cormac arrived home. It was nearing sunset and I watched the colors from my spot on the slate floors. My head had been bashed into the floor and my back was full of belt marks. My nails were broken from his grip on my digits. There was a throbbing pain around my eye from his punches and I could barely see out of it.

How had he inflicted so much pain in less than fifteen minutes?

My ears were ringing, and I could hear someone knocking downstairs. I could hear my name being called and the doorbell going off. No one would answer it. I was the only one home and I couldn’t move. The ache throbbing through my body was so awful. I wish I had never told them to go home. I wish I had never forced them to leave me alone. I was so lonely. So damn lonely.

You have my attention now.

Bile rose from my throat as I imagined his sick expression of pleasure from seeing me bleed. I couldn’t even cry because the tears would hurt my face. I knew my lip was busted and some things were broken.

As I turned my face the opposite direction, I saw a shadow land on my balcony. In the shadows, he moved quickly and with ease opened the doors.

I think that was when I realized I wasn’t hearing right.

His mouth was moving. Desmond was talking and yelling, but nothing crossed my ears. I could feel the vibrations from movement downstairs, but my eyes fluttered shut. There was a heartbreaking expression on Desmond’s face as he clasped my jawline. I was shaking so terribly and found myself peering into his beautiful fucking eyes.

At some point, someone lifted me, and a voiceless scream came from my throat. It was then that my ears popped, and noise fucking resumed.

People were shouting and a growl ripped through the air. Desmond’s eyes held mine as he carried me toward my massive bathroom. I heard the shower turn on as he held me to his expensive beautiful suit. The minute the warm water hit me, a cry tore from my mouth and Desmond turned me away from it. I didn’t even care as he peeled off my school shirt and skirt. They were blood covered and fell in a sopping mess to the floor.

“Fuck,” Adriel snarled. I couldn’t look at him, but as Desmond began to gently wash my raw back, I started trembling. That was when Dean showed up in front of me, his eyes wild and jaw tight those hands impossibly soft while holding my face. I felt my eyes flicker shut as I was lifted from the shower and placed onto my stomach.

I couldn’t tell you how quick or slow it happened, but my back ended up bandaged and my body wrapped in a robe. I couldn’t see out of one eye and the room quieted as I stopped sobbing into Dean’s chest.

“Lorcan,” Desmond spoke softly with a dangerous undercurrent. “Tell me it was him.”

It wasn’t a question. He needed permission. Demonic realm rules.

“It won’t stop,” I sobbed while curling further into Dean’s woody scent, “It will just hurt more the next time.”

“Fucking shit,” Adriel growled. “Just say it Lorcan! Just say fucking yes!”

My eyes found Desmond’s fire filled eyes and Adriel’s furious eyes. I spoke in a rasped tone, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

I think that was when Adriel lost his shit.

Something shattered as the room grew dark, his entire body trembling with tension as the shadows wrapped around us. I knew that he was a moment away from imploding. “Now Lorcan.” King of Nightmares. I saw it now. I found myself scared.

Desmond grasped my jaw as I cringed in pain, “Yes, Desmond. Yes, it was him.”

He was gone. He and Adriel were both gone.

My eyes widened as Dean smoothed my hair back. I looked up at him as he pressed a kiss to my head. I shivered in concern as a sleek leopard jumped onto the bed and I jumped in surprise. Cash curled up next to me and his massive body began to purr. My hand found his as I softly pet his fur. A whimper sounded as a massive lion trailed into the room and Dean grunted at Cormac’s arrival.

“Did you know he would come tonight?” My brother demanded his eyes sharp and body furious. Rhett snarled at his tone but continued to pace protectively in front of the bed. I wasn’t positive why they shifted, but I found it comforting. They were so much larger in cat form now that they were adults.

“Yes,” I croaked out honestly.

He looked to Dean. “Have they left?”

Dean nodded. “We arrived as soon as she began to project out loud. She had only been alone for about fifteen minutes.”

Cormac approached the bed as Cash snarled. He rolled his eyes and looked me in the eye.

“Why the fuck did you not tell anyone?”

The pain in my chest broke forward once more. “I’m so ashamed.”

Pain shattered my twin’s face, “You were ashamed of him abusing you?”

My chest broke as painful sobs began to admit through my mouth. Dean soothed my hair as I watched tears from my brother’s eyes. I hated seeing him cry.

“We are making some fucking changes around here,” Cormac muttered and grasped my neck, putting our heads together. “Please, forgive me Lorcan.”

“No, Cormac,” I sobbed. “This isn’t your fault.”

“I should have known, I’m so sorry.”

We stayed there for so long that I worried Dean would think we fell asleep. Instead his attentive hands soothed my unmarked skin as Cash began to purr. Rhett, I imagined, still stood guard. Finally, Cormac pulled back and looked at Dean.

“You’re staying?” he asked.

Dean nodded. “Yes, also they are at my house.”

Cormac was gone as well then. My chest expanded as I looked up into a pair of hooded eyes that were filled with raw and wild pain. He didn’t say anything, but just continued to softly touch my face and administer affection. An apology for all this almost came out.

“No.” He shook his head. “This is not your fault, Lorcan. I don’t want to hear that. I know he put that in your mind.” His body trembled, “I can’t explain to you how furious I am. How furious that he even looked at you, let alone hurt you. He will suffer a painful death at their hands.”

“They have him?” I felt my insides curl.

Dean pressed a kiss to my head in affirmation. “You should sleep, Lorcan, the nightmare is over. I fucking promise you that he will never touch you again.”

Hadn’t they said that last time?

How had he gotten past Desmond’s men?

My eyes fell shut as I tried to numb out whatever tonight had been.

✽✽✽

Europe, After the Rain - Max Richter

I was drowning in pain. Not physical either. No, this pain was deeply rooted in the center of my chest. I felt like I was drowning in black tar. It felt like my legs were stuck in ice. It was as if my entire body had been bulldozed over. My heart had been smashed into pieces with a bat. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even properly dream.

Instead I was floating within the cosmos. My head was tilted back, as my locked body shook with pain and tension. The pain had never followed me up here before. No, the pain had always stayed on the earth realm. Now though, I couldn’t not think about everything that had happened.

Every time Toris beat me.

Every time Momon joined him.

Every time someone didn’t notice.

Every time someone took what they wanted from me.

My throat felt strangled as every touch that had ever been laid on my body soared to life. I was experiencing every injury, beating, and emotional heartache that I had ever gone through. The only thing keeping me alive were the gold bands wrapped around my aching throbbing body. I wondered if this was how I died.

Toris’s face flashed through my head.

What if I didn’t want to die anymore?

He was dying, though. I could feel it. I could feel all his negative energy pulling on me in an attempt to bring me down with him. He wanted to drain me. He wanted to kill me. Before this weekend, I would have taken this as a blessing.

Now, though?

Now, I wasn’t positive I wanted to die.

When a pair of black arms wrapped around my incorporeal form, a strangled sound echoed around us. I looked down at the smooth black arms and examined the silver stars that seemed to push through the very small fissures along his skin. Yes. I knew exactly who this was.

Lorcan.

The voice urged me to turn into it, to root myself into the arms of my anchor. I could feel his heartbeat against my cheek as our energies intertwined like long lost souls. My eyes sought his as he held me close and eased the pain that seemed to be breaking my very being.

It’s almost done.

God, I hoped he was right. I could feel Toris’s pain and hear his screams. I could feel his attempt to draw from me, but the King of Nightmares refused to let go. Instead, he let his poison sink into Toris’s brain as the King of Smoke began to pick apart at his physical body. I wasn’t there, but I could see it. I could see chunk after chunk of Toris’s being torn apart as Cormac subject him to a beating at the same time. My cries of pain sounded like the dying of a star as the space around us echoed with a pulsating beat.

He never let go though.

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized how deep Toris’s claws had been inside of me. How deep his abuse had gone. He had preyed on my vulnerability. He had told me that I could be loved by him and only him. Then he had raped and beaten me. He had abused my soul. He had subjected and conditioned me until I was too weak to fight him. Until the idea of fighting him was scarier than the punishments I would receive.

All I had wanted to do was escape. I had wanted to remove myself as a burden from those around me. I had wanted the pain to stop. I had been so fucking tired. So exhausted. So alone.

Lonely. I had been alone for so long.

Even physical affection had been almost nonexistent. For a year the only touch I had known was pain. Even the men I’d gone to events with wouldn’t touch me because of Toris’s warnings. He was always there. Always. I had been so weak. So ashamed. So embarrassed.

Now though? Now, I relished in his pain. I felt as though the pain was baptizing my very soul and lifting out the impurities of his horrid abuse of my body. I screamed as it lashed through me and knew it would be over soon. I was livid. I was livid that I had ever let myself fall into that hole. I had no reason to be ashamed and I saw that now. The demon was demented and sick. His desires had sculpted me into an object. He had stolen my soul and I wanted it back.

I was fucking done with it.

I would no longer be this thing for him or for anyone. I wanted to blame my change of heart on the possibility of love, but it wasn’t that. It was seeing him beg and cry for this life. It was watching horror and pain flash through his face. I knew he had seen all those expressions on me and got off on it.

The sick bastard deserved pain. He deserved so much more than that. My boys had kept their promise… He was dying. I watched the last life drain from his eyes and had strength return to me at the absence of his sick claws. I would never forget what they had done for me. What they had saved me from. Fuck, I had never wanted to be a woman who needed saving. How had it gotten so far? How had it gotten so bad?

Shame. Embarrassment.

No more. I would be stronger now. I had to be stronger now. Stronger for my brother and the threat coming our way. Stronger because of the possible authenticity of the men in my life. Stronger because of me. I wanted to feel good about myself. I wanted to look at myself and feel strong.

So, fuck Toris.

Screw him.

I felt my body tense as the image of him dead on a cold hard floor radiated through me. Like most things in my star travels, I didn’t question how this was possible to see or how Adriel was strong enough to be here. Instead, I watched my nightmare die. A ragged breath echoed through me as his essence slipped away from mine, leaving myself feeling lighter. I had never known the hold he had on my soul.

Now I knew though.

Never again.

I would never be captive again.

The King of Nightmares pressed a kiss to my forehead and angled my head up, his silver eyes radiating a kindness that I had always known existed within him. I fell into Adriel as he connected our incorporeal bodies and dove into the blackness.

I knew when I woke everything would be different because the King of Nightmares killed my nightmare.

✽✽✽

Dust my feathers

I'm shaking on the floor, but I want to fly

-Feather by Meg Myer

“Kitten,” Cash’s voice sounded muffled as I buried myself further into a very solid yet warm pillow. Had I changed my bedding? I nuzzled my head into the side of it and a soft chuckle sounded through the room.

“Wait till she realizes,” Rhett’s voice teased. I heard someone hitting his head in jest as I kept myself snuggled into my new bedding.

“Princess,” my pillow drawled. “You are going to cuddle me off the bed if you keep going.”

The scent of expensive cologne filled my nose and I realized very quickly that this wasn’t a pillow at all. I blindly reached my hand out and patted Adriel right on the face as he grunted. My face flamed as I shot up and met his moss green eyes. Considering I was sprawled out on top of him, it was an easy task.

Ah, shit.

I had no words for the contentment I found in waking up with him. In fact, no sarcasm rolled off my tongue. Instead the two of us just stared at one another. He looked as shocked at our mutual silence and exhausted from whatever the hell had just happened. I blushed further as he grunted at our rather emotional step forward in our… well, shit, I guess we weren’t enemies anymore.

“Thank you,” I mumbled.

Adriel's eyes darkened as he nodded sharply. “Anytime, Princess.”

“Oh, wow,” Rhett let out a gasping laugh he’d been holding in. “I can’t fucking handle you two, just fuck already.”

My powers had always been kept restrained but this time I turned in a movement so graceful that Rhett couldn’t track it. I had him tackled to the bed before he got out his next laugh.

“Holy fuck,” he chuckled again as I smiled and kissed his nose.

My movements were sharp, almost untrackable through space, and my power felt like a shimmering wave under my skin. I caught Cash’s peaceful expression and found myself wondering where the other two were. It looked to be night time and we were in my bedroom. Adriel looked exhausted, but the other two seemed well rested. I looked down to find myself in the robe from when I had passed out before.

“He’s gone?” I asked quietly knowing the answer.

“Forever,” Desmond agreed as he appeared in the room. A green smoke surrounded him and wrapped around me. I felt tears of joy stream down my face as I offered him an authentic smile.

“I don’t even know what to say,” I whispered with a thick voice. “I can never thank you.”

“Don’t,” Dean strolled in with a serious, but content, expression. “Don’t thank us.”

I shook my head. “It’s been so hard, and I thought for sure I was going to die… eventually.”

Dean’s palms cupped my face gently as he knelt before me. “Don’t thank us. We did exactly what we wanted to do from the beginning. I need you to do something for me though, Lorcan.”

“Anything.” I placed my palm over his own.

“I need you to believe us,” he stated softly. “And I mean really believe us. I want you to give this an open-minded chance and trust that we are making the decision to care about you without any type of influence.”

My tears increased as I nodded. I could do that.

“Words,” he demanded softly.

“Alright,” I sniffed and looked at all of them “I believe you. I really do. I think I can give this a chance.  Just don’t get upset if it takes me awhile to adjust. I’ve been so alone for so long.”

“We know, love,” Desmond spoke softly. I closed my eyes and basked in the affection the five of them provided me with, content to feel their connection pounding through me. A knock at the door beckoned me to look up at my twin.

“Cormac,” I said his name as I walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. I could feel his pain like my own radiating through his own being.

Cormac, like myself, had suffered at the hands of an abusive relationship. At only fifteen, he had been seduced by an older elf. She had convinced him that since she loved him so much, he should feel comfortable killing for her. Not only had she abused him emotionally but took advantage of him physically. I knew this had hurt him.

Just like how I knew he killed rapists because of what happened to me.

I didn’t mind that his moral compass meant taking justice into his own hands. My twin couldn’t handle anyone being abused whether it be emotionally, physically, or mentally.

“I’m okay,” I whispered as we both pressed our foreheads together and cried quietly.

I used to think that I only had Cormac. I used to think that we were alone, the two of us. Now, I was starting to think differently. Tonight only solidified the trust that was growing towards these men. I looked skyward with a small cosmic prayer that this wasn’t all a terrible mistake.

Chapter 19

Lorcan

“You'll never know what hit you

Won't see me closing in

I'm gonna make you suffer

This hell you put me in

I'm underneath your skin.”

-The Devil Within by Digital Daggers

“Well shit,” I woke up Tuesday morning feeling fantastic. Adriel and Desmond had stayed the night. Despite our new blossoming relationship, Adriel took the chair as Desmond held me. I didn’t star travel and that was a relief on its own. When I awoke though, both were gone.  I assumed doing kingly shit. Right? That’s what Kings did.

My phone rang as I looked down at Hayden’s number. I slid it up. “Mornin’.”

“Hey, you,” He sounded sleepy. “I was wondering if you can send the jet over, I want to come by your party tonight.”

I froze. Party?

Oh, shit.

“Yeah sure,” I stood up and ran to Cormac’s room where he was adjusting his tie. I motioned my hand to catch his attention. “What time?”

“Well, you said the party starts at six, right?” He mused. “So, like four?”

“Sounds good,” I looked at my brother. “People will probably start arriving then.”

My brother’s brows went up in recognition. I bid Hayden a good morning and hung up.

“We have a massive party we are holding tonight, the neon one. Remember all the shit we ordered? It’s arriving at noon today.”

Cormac chuckled, “Oh shit. I forgot.”

“Dude, same,” I muttered. “Alright well, I’ll probably try to leave at lunch again. The only thing I have in the afternoon is going to the gym, so I’m not concerned.”

Cormac nodded in agreeance as I rushed back to my room. I didn’t bother with makeup today. I had pulled my hair into a messy curled knot. My teeth were brushed, and my body healed from last night. A lightness in my chest motivated me to throw on a new skirt and soft polo someone had provided me. I slid on my sneakers again and grabbed my purse.

I didn’t bat a lash as I moved toward the BMW that waited for me. I loved my baby, but I also loved free rides. I slid into the back and placed a big kiss on both Rhett and Cash’s cheek bones. Both looked back at me with confusion.

“Is this a body snatcher case?” Rhett asked softly.

I chuckled. “I’m just happy.”

Cash shook his head. “I don’t think I’ve seen you smile this much in the past four days.”

I shrugged and began scrolling through his phone. I wasn’t under the illusion that Rome was built in a day, but a positive attitude would go a long way. I turned on our Black album and sat back feeling like a new woman. The drive to school seemed faster today and the three of us for once had no tension. In fact, I would even call the ride peaceful.

“Shit,” I muttered looking down at my purse. “I need to run to my locker.”

“Yeah,” Rhett chuckled softly. “Not a ton of time for getting shit done yesterday.”

Cash grunted. “Well, it’s only Tuesday. I’m sure this week will get better.”

“Talk about body snatchers,” I leaned over the middle console. “That was very optimistic, cutie.”

“Bunny,” Rhett complained, “why don’t I have a nickname?”

I hummed in thought, “I’ll come up with one, baby, I promise.”

His artic eyes lit up, “I sorta like, baby.”

“Good thing to,” I snickered. “I’m not feeling particularly creative.”

As we neared the gates, I narrowed my eyes at the increase of media. I muttered under my breath as we flew through and their cameras didn’t flash, which led me to believe they were waiting for my baby to pull up. Honestly, it was probably a good move to change up rides randomly. The pap could get a little intense.

Cash swung the BMW into a spot near Cormac and Violet. She looked tired today, but then again so did we all. I stepped out of the car, and instantly, eyes were on me. I tried to ignore the feeling that people were whispering, but it wasn’t as easy to block things out sober. My hand grabbed Rhett’s and Cash’s hands as we walked toward school. Cormac chuckled at my bold statement and both boys seemed to be surprised as well.

“You know people will talk who aren’t in the supernatural community,” Cash spoke softly as we neared our locker.

I shrugged. “Let them talk, I don’t care. Just because the earth realm humans can’t expand their mindsets doesn’t mean I’m going to live my life that way. It will just give them something new to talk about.”

It was true the supernatural community was far more comfortable with multiple partners than the earth realm humans. It didn’t bother me all that much. I tended to ignore most humans as it was. We grew close to my locker and a cold chill invaded my spine. I stared at the offensive metal contraption and shook my head.

“You feel it?” I asked quietly.

“I smell it,” Rhett complained. “Someone has terrible choice in cologne.”

Cash grunted and smoothed a hand on my back, “This is going to be something problematic, isn’t it?”

I snickered. “You know, whoever fucked with my locker is probably pissed that we are standing here making fun of them.”

Rhett shrugged, “What are they going to do? Write a threatening letter?”

“I know, I almost don’t want to ruin the suspense and open it,” Cash muttered.

“Alright, let’s do this,” I agreed with Cash though. My hand worked the dial as I opened the locker and felt my mouth drop.

Well, shit.

“Dude,” Rhett frowned, “that took some serious effort.”

My entire metal locker was filled with origami shaped flowers in an array of colors. I squinted closer to see that the colored paper had text on it. My hand reached out to grasp a beautiful swan that sat on top of the pile. It was a pale pink color that had black script against it.

You ruined me.

Line after line. Letter after letter. Again, and again. Guilt rushed through me as my ugly self- hatred reared its head. I gave Cash the swan as I sorted through the others, my pulse beating loudly. I found a frog. A raven. A fish. A tree. A flower. Another swan. So many swans.

My throat felt clogged with guilt and bile.

You ruined me.

You ruined me.

You ruined me.

A strong arm pulled me away from the locker as my breathing grew ragged. Who did I ruin? I didn’t mean to ruin them. A crowd had gathered as Cash attempted to gather the creations. My chest felt as though it was about to break.

Second panic attack here we go.

“Bunny,” Rhett mumbled. “Let’s get you out of here.”

Cash nodded and gathered all of them into his backpack before coming to my other side. I took the hand he offered. Maybe this wasn’t the week for school.

You ruined me.

You ruined me.

You ruined me.

The two of them were talking but I could barely see straight. I felt overwhelmed and sick to my stomach. I hadn’t meant to ruin anyone. Who had I ruined? What had I done? Panic made a small whimper break from my throat. I had promised myself I would be strong, but it had been less than 24 hours. My prospects weren’t looking good.

Dean, are you in your office?

Rhett’s mental voice soothed me.

What’s wrong?

Dean’s deep rough voice echoed through my head. I realized that Rhett was very smart. I needed Dean. I needed him to tell me that I hadn’t ruined anyone. I hadn’t meant to. I fucking promised. I always tried to leave people as I had come across them. I knew the terrible influence we could have. I hated it.

As I was ushered into a small cozy office, I realized that we were in Dean’s work space. I could smell him and his woodsy scent. I found myself entranced by the dark wooden bookshelves that held every book he could possibly need for aiding high school students’ choices in universities. Cash and Rhett had both taken a seat in his leather chairs that faced a massive dark wood desk. No, modern amenities were not for Dean.

I was honestly surprised to not see an oil lantern on his desk or a candle. I looked out across the vast desert landscape that stretched from his window to the horizon. Our school backed up to a state park and the land was protected. Beautiful, barren, and protected.

“What is going on?” Dean demanded as the door flung open. My breath instantly released from my chest as I turned to face him. Alright, so I tried not to tear up, but the minute Deanie wrapped me up in a massive hug against his tweed suit, I lost it.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be strong. I was just exhausted and instead of turning to substances I wanted physical affection. Was that so wrong? I just found out that I could be cared about for the first time in three years, so you bet your ass I wanted a hug. It took a brave woman to admit her faults and I, Lorcan Louvre, knew mine well.

I hugged Dean back and buried my head against his warm neck.

No, this wasn’t me being weak.

This was me being brave enough to trust in them.

Dean rewarded me with a soft humming sound through his chest that sounded like a fucking purr. I could hear Cash talking to him and explaining, but my focus was on the tan skin that my head was pressed again. As my panic subsided, I began to squirm against him just a little. I wanted closer and Dean’s body, despite my crying, had long recognized that I was curled up against him. His hand wrapped gently around the back of my neck to stop my movements but that? Well, that only turned me on more.

“Lorcan,” He murmured against my ear. “I only have so much restraint.”

Yes. I could feel that. I could feel his length against my stomach as he continued to hold me in an embrace. Once again, I could care less what they were talking about. My focus was on Dean and his massive muscles. I was a mess, damn it… crying and turned on like some fucked up love and attention starved kitten.

“We need to go to class,” Rhett announced. I pulled back only a slight inch before Dean had me back pressed against him. My smile against his chest grew as I looked up at his massive height. I couldn’t help but admire how handsome he was with his loose dark hair and rich blue eyes.

“Kitten,” Cash admitted to using the nickname finally, “are you coming with?” I found it cute that he said kitten because… Well, he’s a cat shifter. It’s fucking hilarious.

I looked over at them with innocent eyes.

“I need to talk to Dean for a moment.”

Rhett snorted as Cash rolled his eyes. Once the door closed, I looked back up at an amused, but cautious Dean.

I smirked, “What?”

“You just had someone leave a vague threat in your locker.”

“On really intense origami creatures,” I reminded.

“After yesterday, I’m concerned you’re not ready for this,” He mumbled claiming my jaw and tilting my head up. My hair fell back slightly as I met his eyes straight on.

“You’re right,” I admitted, “there are a lot of things I’m not ready for. I’m not even sure I’m ready for school, but being near you? There’s never been a moment where I needed to get ‘ready’ for that, Dean. You three have been a part of my life since I could walk, these three years were, they were a break. Not an end.”

Dean nodded, “I worried for the longest time I’d never see you again, never hear your voice again.”

My eyes tracked down his lips and back up. “But I’m back.”

He hummed in agreement. “And you’re not leaving again, Lorcan. We will go anywhere with you. I would give up this pride for you, but I can’t lose you again.”

I blushed at his admission and I found myself entranced by this man. The man who never expressed emotions was laying them bear for me to see. I was a greedy woman and wanted every single drop of his emotions. I found myself rising on my toes.

My words were struggling to come out because I had no idea how to be in a healthy friendship even, let alone a relationship. Instead, I kissed him. It was a daring move because I was sober and the possibility of my horrors rising in response was terrifying. That didn’t happen though.

In my entire life, I had never kissed Dean. I had wanted to, but now I found myself glad I had waited because this couldn’t be a one-time thing. No, his energy wrapped around me protectively as his hand slipped into my hair with demanding, slow movements. I let him lead because I knew he wanted it that way, his tongue slipping into my mouth and gracing me with the taste of him.

Everything in my system lit up as he let out a low sound in his throat, my mouth urgent on his as he controlled the pace. It was excruciating. He was savoring every taste of my lips and I was bound to endure it. My head tilted back in submission as he strung his hand through my hair on the back of my skull. I felt like I was being dipped into honey or chocolate, everything slowing down and becoming filled with pleasure.

My nipples hardened underneath my thin polo as his one had slipped down to my hip, pulling me against him to fully feel his length. I wanted to rub against it like a cat in heat.

Ha. Get it?

Instead, I settled for moving impossibly closer to him and moving my hands to grip his shoulders in order to not fall right fucking over. I swear my knees were about to give out and everything in my body was rising to a searing hot temperature.

Who knew a kiss could do this?

Dean moved his lips down my chin to my jaw in a gentle pattern that seemed to be deliberate. Without thinking, I exposed my neck to him and the sound he made, a deep growl of satisfaction had my entire body lit up like a Christmas tree. I wanted to submit to Dean. I wanted him to take control. I trusted him. I knew he would keep me safe. I knew I could trust him.

He nipped gently at my neck and sucked, leaving a mark that I knew was purposeful. Even when we were younger the alpha seemed to have the need to mark me. He had me wear his hoodie as a jacket to school each day because he liked knowing his scent was on me. Rhett and Cash hadn’t thought it odd, but I wasn’t a shifter.

“Wow,” I whispered looking up at him as he pulled away from my swollen lips.

Dean hummed in agreement looking at my lips with hunger and then running a thumb across my hickey. His hand was holding my neck, but it didn’t feel threatening.  It felt safe. That alone was odd to me. I shouldn’t want his control over my body, but I did. I craved for him to show me that love didn’t have to be like Toris. I craved for him to prove it to me.

“Little minx.” He softly pressed his lips to mine once more. “I need to know you’re okay before I let you leave.”

Was I okay? I nodded. I was. I was more than okay.

“I never meant to hurt anyone,” I whispered honestly. “I tried to leave people as I met them.”

He nodded. “I believe you.”

That was important to me.

“Are you okay to go back to class?” He whispered quietly.

My head nodded but my heart said no. I wrapped my arms around him once more as he chuckled softly before walking me toward the door.

“I don’t want to,” I sighed sadly.

“I know.” He grinned. “Come on. Go learn something.”

I scowled. “You know, you’re really bad at playing into this school girl fantasy.”

He looked me up and down and shook his head.

“You are anything but a little girl, Lorcan. Now, get to class.”

I flushed under his praise and walked with a little pep in my step towards my first period class. I was slightly late, but that wouldn’t stop my now fantastic day. My hand grasped the knob as I stepped into the room and every single eye turned to me including two very familiar faces.

My head tilted to the side as I held back a smirk.

I walked back toward the two of them without apology. You know, if I didn’t fit into high school, I had no idea what the hell they were doing here. I didn’t miss the way the students were looking back at them with interest and I had to admit they were a sight.

Adriel had his light hair pulled back in a tight braid and his ears glamoured. His moss-colored eyes were watching me with interested as he leaned back in his desk, showing off his jean encased thighs. A black shirt stretched across his shoulders and brought my attention to how built he was. It wasn’t any better looking at Desmond.

His soft dark hair was styled back. Those ridiculously bright eyes stood out against his thick dark lashes. He wore the same shirt as Adriel but had donned a pair of dress pants and leather shoes. The two of them weren’t old, but if I was a human, I’d place them at maybe twenty-five.

“What the heck are you doing here?” I sat in my designated spot between them while whispering.

Adriel smiled with a wicked glint. “Now, come on, Princess. You knew about the body guards you hired.”

My face blushed as I tried to not laugh at their obvious lie. Desmond smiled at me and even his look was a little hungry. Both shifted so I could sit and then relaxed back to listen to my teacher. I barely paid attention because I was so focused on them.

“Love,” Desmond commanded my attention. “Shouldn’t you be scribbling down in those spirals humans use?”

I choked out a laugh at his open use of “humans.” Clearly, and I mean this nicely, my King of Smoke was less used to the human world. Adriel didn’t fare any better, though. He looked like some mean biker guy, or an elf king. Honestly. Both worked. The second was spot on.

“Don’t you need to be doing king shit?” I asked quietly.

Adriel smiled. “My kingdom takes care of itself. Plus, they know I’m out of the country. I’m not very worried. The elven realm is very self-regulated, and the Kingdom of Night is rather peaceful.”

The elven realm was full of vices and deliciously sinful behavior. However, I had heard that same rumor. There were several kingdoms that existed around the central hub of activity. The elemental kingdoms were smaller and consisted of the elves descending from the water, earth, air, fire, and storm tribes. These five tribes surrounded the Kingdom of Day. Despite its pleasant name, that kingdom was known for being brutal.

The Kingdom of Night, which I had no idea of Adriel’s relation to, was smaller. It had a well-trained army and was rumored to be extremely wealthy. However, the only way to join the kingdom was to make passage through the dark walls that surrounded it. The opportunity only came twice a year. To become a new citizen, you had to denounce the other elven kingdoms. Jeannie had told me that they had done this because the Kingdom of Night’s values differ so drastically from the other elven kingdoms.

My extent of knowledge of the elven realm essentially ended there.

I found it fascinating that Adriel was a king, but more so of a rebel faction Kingdom. It hadn’t been around for long and I had the feeling he was a fundamental part of its growth. A small amount of pride washed through me. It was becoming hard to even joke about hating him, honestly. He flashed a smile at me, as if he knew what I was thinking.

Shit. I hoped some of my thoughts were still private.

Desmond absently began playing with my hair and I was glad we sat at the back of the classroom. It would look bad if my security team was playing with my hair. I snorted to think about what a shitty security team they seemed like since I had walked into the room by myself. Still Desmond’s bonfire scent was addictive and I found myself relaxing. Truly breathing.

“Hey.” Desmond tugged on my hair. I looked over and was captivated by the beauty of his face. When I tell you Desi is beautiful, I fucking mean it. Not rough like Dean, despite his cute suits. Not sexy like Rhett. Not intense like Cash. Not ethereal like Adriel. No. Desmond was fucking gorgeous and I had to be careful to not drool.

“What?” I leaned my head to the side.

Now that I was sober, I had the opportunity to reflect on this King of Smoke and Master of Illusions. As I mentioned, jinn were from the demonic realm and that made him a King of, well, hell, I guess. Damn. That’s sorta badass. Jinn were one of the more respected groupings of demons and they tended to partake in earth realm business more than most. Unlike being based in all elemental forms, jinn were made of pure fire.

I knew that if Desmond used his power, those pretty, green blue eyes would crackle with fire and that skin would shimmer like an emerald in flames. There was something sexy about his ability to act so casual… Well, for both to act so casual, despite being Kings. It made me feel special for them to take time out of their schedules to be with me.

I hoped. I prayed. That it was true. That this could be real.

I needed something good in my life.

Once the bell rang and dismissed us, they walked on either side of me to my second and third class. I barely paid attention to the material but aced a quiz that we had in Calculus. As I mentioned, elves were gifted with many things including our ability to learn efficiently. I could have graduated early last year.  I had only stayed for some normalcy and to avoid Toris. He couldn’t hurt me at school.

Before lunch time, I excused myself to run into the bathroom. My face looked pale today and my eyes tired. I mean, I still looked good, but I could feel the effects from the past few days weighing on me. My spine stilled as the door opened and Margo entered.

“Hey.” She nodded while going to fix her makeup in the bathroom mirror.

“What’s up?” I asked while washing my hands and adjusting my messy bun.

“Nothing much,” she responded softly. “How’s your second day going?”

Her blue eyes were hawkish, and completely focused on me with a keen watchful gaze. I smiled tightly. “Good. Really good. How about you?”

“I heard your locker got broken into.”

She needs an object of affection.

Oh, hell no. I nodded softly, “Yes. Someone left me a gift.”

“Oh? What type?”

The bathroom door opened as Margo frowned. Adriel’s voice echoed. “Princess, let’s get going.”

I smiled my apology at Margo and went to walk out, her wrist catching mine and causing me to look at her in confusion. She stepped forward into my space and spoke with a softness that caused chills to move across my skin.

“You can’t kill us all.”

Her eyes were glassy and the energy around her seemed dark. Unlike her. I grunted and pulled back, pushing myself against the tile wall.

Margo began coughing and bent over, her dark hair covering her face as something hacked from her mouth and wiggled on the ground. I stared in horror as a small black bug crawled its way toward the sink. Fucking shit.

“Margo?” I asked quietly.

I would never forget what happened next. Margo’s dark hair fell back as she looked up at me. Her skin, a translucent color, began to darken as the veins went black and made her pupils expand out to cover her entire eyes. That now white mouth opened, as a small insect leg pulled at the inside of her mouth.

Oh, God.

“Adriel,” I called out, “Desi!”

I knew I should do something, but her eyes were bugging out and I watched in absolute horror as spiders began to crawl from her mouth. I felt bile form in my throat as the door began to shake and shouts from the outside sounded. My body was hyperventilating as Margo began to shake. Spiders, big and small, spilled onto the floor.

Oh, God.

Oh, my fucking God.

I felt everything around me narrow as the spiders spread out behind her and crawled up the sink and mirror. It reminded me of a ship. Margo was the mermaid on the bow with her mouth open and arms out and behind her was a larger and larger mass of spiders. All those legs move together as they rippled in effect.

Margo’s voice was tri-layered as it came out. “Lorcan Louvre.”

My brain went empty as the spiders behind Margo formed a massive face that watched me with interest like a fucking bug. I couldn’t get out the cry for help but let out a small whimper. I needed to get out of here, but fuck this was so creepy.

“Come now, child.” The stretched face hissed.  “Come to us.”

My hands were shaking and as more spiders poured out of Margo. They moved toward me and I lost it. I would like to reiterate that I had never used my siren powers like this. So how the following sound came so naturally I would never understand. My breath caught and I let out a note that made every surface within the bathroom shatter.

The spiders all froze and dropped dead, the face falling flat as the corpses pulsed from my energy. I was pulsating blue and the violent winds of my powers were catching the spiders up into a spin. It was like a goddamn tornado. I focused on piling them all in the corner as a very worn out Margo collapsed to the side.

A small whimper came from her mouth. “We will see you soon.”

Fucking shit.

The door broke open as I stared wide-eyed at the scene of dead spiders and a passed-out Margo. I licked my lips and looked toward my two security details. Both looked in mild forms of shock as I spoke quietly.

“Have I ever fucking mentioned how much I hate spiders?”

Chapter 20

Lorcan

“When she walks, she's like a samba

That swings so cool and sways so gentle that

When she passes, each one she passes goes.”

-The Girl from Ipanema by Frank Sinatra

Just like I knew the sun would rise tomorrow, I knew Momon was responsible for those god damn spiders. Now that my brain was clearing… I began remembering. I feared Toris because of his abuse. I feared Momon because he truly wanted me dead. There had been so many times that Toris had to pull him back.

My relationship with Toris, the actual one, had been short lived. Around my seventeenth birthday, we had been introduced at a party. There had been absolutely nothing that had warned me of his malicious intent. No. He had been a handsome devil dressed in foreign suits that offered me sweet words. Words that a lost little girl needed to hear.

Momon had been there that night. The night that changed everything. It had been sometime around 8 PM when Toris had swung by and picked me up. He had seemed so serious that night, so dark. Up until that point, we had messed around, but nothing even close to sex. I had a feeling that I should have never gotten into that car. I was a foolish child then and I had full faith that I could protect myself.

The minute that I entered his house though and he leashed me with his power, I knew something had gone terribly wrong. He hadn’t allowed me to speak or move as he began undressing me. He had told me that he had seen me with another man… Hayden. He had told me that now I had his attention and I would love it.

The paralyzed power hadn’t stopped my tears as he had held me down and violated me. He had taken my virginity and used me like an object. I had been trapped and nothing I did could have stopped him. If only I had been prepared, I could have used my powers.

At least that’s what I tell myself.

After two more times, I laid there on a cold hard penthouse floor and stared up at the beautiful ceiling. I could hear Toris moving around his apartment and he did nothing to ease my suffering. Somehow, I knew the pain wasn’t over.

It hadn’t been.

About an hour later, Momon had shown up. Without pretense or preamble, he had dragged me across the floor by my hair and began to beat me senseless. Toris had watched with interest while drinking his scotch. They never told me why they did this.

They just did.

When I felt my consciousness fading, Toris pulled Momon back. The next thing I remembered was my brother’s panic at finding me on our foyer floor after being left to bleed out. Their desires didn’t see anything past their need for control and wanting to hurt me. I wondered what they thought of the blue blood.

Then I didn’t because the numbness set in.

Momon in all the times he had joined in, had always used a different method of torture. One of my main reasons for my hatred of spiders derived from him. He liked to play games. Once, he beat me senseless with a belt while placing a black widow on my nose. He had control of it and if I screamed, it would bite. Now, it wouldn’t kill me, but it would fucking hurt until the poison worked itself out of my system.

So yeah. I hated spiders.

Even now, as I sat with my five ‘guardians’ at an afterschool meal, tears streamed down under my sunglasses and across my cheeks. My head was tilted back in the modern sling chair that sat at our table. The restaurant was a small Mexican restaurant that sat in a brick and mortar building and smelled like homemade spices. Our table on the balcony was shaded by linen curtains that swayed with the soft breeze and massive overhead fans that circulated the hot air. My glass of champagne sat between my fingers as a cigarette hung from my mouth.

“Bunny?” Rhett asked me quietly, drawing everyone's attention to my tears.

“I’m good,” I promised, inhaling. “It’s just been a long day.”

Cash’s large hot arm wrapped around my shoulders as he kissed my cheek. I breathed in an unsteady breath as the waiter approached our table. After the Margo incident and the breach of spiders, the boys thought it better to end the day. Even Deanie sat across from me with concern etched into his pretty features.

“My name is Matthew.” Our waiter spoke in smooth tones his smile soft. “I see you have received drinks from the bar.  What would we like to eat?”

He wants an easy shift. Needs an easy shift.

Humans were so fucking simple. I spoke in a clear tone and couldn’t shy away from the compulsion. “Whatever is the easiest on the menu, you pick it.”

Everyone offered odd looks as Matthew smiled. “Absolutely. Anything else?”

Cash opened his mouth and I nudged his toe. He grunted as Matthew walked away and I found myself thinking about how similar he looked to Violet. Obviously, not the same but similar. I wondered where my brother was and if he was with her. He hadn’t been pleased about the spider thing.

“What was that?” Adriel asked taking a sip of his white cool wine.

“He wanted and needed an easy shift,” I muttered. “I couldn’t control what came out of my mouth.”

Desmond’s eyebrows raised, “So, that is how it works?”

I nodded. “Humans are pretty easy. They make it easy to help them.”

“What if he brings us something gross?” Rhett sighed and put my head under his chin.

Dean shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think that will happen.”

Matthew came back fifteen minutes later with an assortment of delicious food and a brilliant smile. When he thanked me for my trust, I gifted him a smile and his cheeks turned pink causing Dean to growl quietly. That had scared our waiter away.

“Calm down, Deanie,” I chided. “He was just being nice.”

Cash grunted and muttered like the man child he was.

“I don’t want anyone else talking to you.”

Dean chuckled as I rolled my eyes. Adriel continued to eat, but he and Desi didn’t disagree with their statement. Rhett seemed engrossed in his food because he clearly didn’t want to comment. I moved around my food on the plate as I ate a small amount.

Hayden hadn’t been lying, I usually give into all vices except food.

“Eat, Lorcan,” Desmond never missed a thing.

“I do,” I reasoned. “Just feeling sick from today. Do you think Margo was the one to put those in my locker?”

I didn’t think it was related and I think Momon had used it to talk to me, but it worked. That broke them into conversation as I continued to nudge at my food. Sometimes when you lack control in your life, you reach for the few things you can control. I tried to eat small amounts as Rhett talked to me about the party and Cash played on his phone. The other three were engrossed in their conversations.

“Don’t think I know you aren’t eating,” Cash nipped my ear. “Rhett knows it too. Now, eat something, or else Dean will be hearing about it.”

I scowled at him and ate half my plate. Damn them.

After a few more stop by rounds from Matthew, we were finished. Dean was being a grumpy fuck and kept scowling at Matthew. Desmond seemed amused by it. Adriel somehow had worked himself up to be upset at me. Rhett felt bad about it because he had suggested the restaurant and Cash wanted to punch him. So, yeah. Restaurants? Not a great place for us.

As we stood up, a camera flashed from a table nearby. Normally, I would let this go, but in a move faster than expected, Adriel had the camera broken on the ground and an amused expression on his face. I chuckled lightly as he rolled his eyes. I sorta liked this hybrid version of Adriel. Nice to me, but still sort of an asshole.

Our drive toward our house was enjoyable and I sat back to watch the vast landscape stretch around me. I also considered it odd how someone could just build a house in the middle of such vastness. I didn’t mind so much when it complemented the scenery.  But when it didn’t? Well, shit, that just pissed me the fuck off.

My phone rang for the second time today and I picked it up. Nelson spoke, “Why are there bouncy houses being delivered to the house?”

I threw him on speaker as I stretched out across Desmond and Cash. They both looked at me with amused expressions as I played on my phone while talking.

“We are holding a get together.”

“So why the bouncy houses?”

I snorted. “What good party doesn’t have bouncy houses?”

“And the edible body paint?”

Dean chuckled at that as Rhett looked interested.

“Also necessary. Think about it, Nelson.  What type of friend is a friend who doesn’t lick body paint off you?”

Nelson chuckled. “Alright, so what about the roller skates?”

“Oh!” I sat up. “Did they send them in blue and pink?”

Adriel rolled his eyes from where he was spread out in the back seat, Nelson confirmed, “Yes. Now, why the hell are those necessary?”

“So, you didn’t see the order for the light up skate rink floor being put down next to the pool outback? I ordered light up inflatable orbs for people to float in...”

“I’m going to trust that no one will die,” Nelson spoke.

“Of course not,” I chuckled softly. “Just some good old fashion high school fun.”

“Which is why your jet is flying people in from California?” He questioned.

I sighed, “The other one is coming from New York.”

Nelson sighed, “Call if you run into any legal issues.”

“Yes sir!” I answered as Rhett chuckled.

The call was over, so I laid back across the two of them and closed my eyes. I had never been as filled with life as I felt now while sober. It was something about these men. It was their strength and safety. I felt like I could do anything. I could feel something inside me sparking to life. Something unfurled from the relief of no longer being kept.

“Fuck,” Adriel grunted. “Princess, you need to keep a hold on your powers.”

My siren shimmered under my skin and emerged for the first time ever. She had always been a part of me, but ever since Toris’s death my powers had been… more intense. Now I could almost feel her like a different consciousness inside my head. Her face was beautiful and her attitude dark. I knew what she wanted, but I wasn’t convinced that she was in a good state of mind for it.

My voice came out in a purr. “Adriel, you sound tense.”

I was still on my back across Desmond and Cash’s lap with my cigarette hanging from my mouth.

Cash groaned at my vocal quality and I knew in some part of my rational brain that this wasn’t me. Well, not fully me. I felt myself taking a back seat to the nonsense that was unfolding. A breeze of power brushed through the car and Dean nearly brought the car to a halt.

“What the fuck is going on?” He looked back.

Adriel grunted. “It’s her siren. She’s released from the demon and... acting out.”

“Acting out?” I asked in a husky voice while propping my knee up. “You’re such an old man Adriel. Next thing you’ll be doing is calling me a brat and asking for me to call you daddy.”

Rhett sputtered as Cash let out a massive “Holy fuck!”

Desmond adjusted my skirt which was a tad bit shorter since I was laying back. I could feel his hardness underneath my ass. He didn’t bother hiding the hunger in those eyes.

Adriel chuckled softly, not offended. “Is that what you want siren? You want to call someone daddy?”

I felt my throat produce a husky laugh. “I’m not sure, but we could test it out. I’m never going to disagree with trying out a new fetish or so.”

Dean grunted. “Lorcan, you need to snap out of this shit.”

My siren smiled. “Deanie, don’t be so grumpy, do you need a hug?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“With my mouth on your d...” I offered and closed my eyes.

So, there was a solid part of my consciousness that was in shock of what I was saying. Then again, I didn’t feel guilty because there was a very predatory creature living under my skin who was pissed that it had been recently released from years of emotional, mental, and physical captivity.

“Stop it,” Dean snapped before I could finish.

I chuckled as we pulled up to the Louvre estate and I slid out of the car.

“That’s fine. You’re being no fun anyway. I’ll find someone who’s up for fun.”

Dean swore as Rhett started whispering to him. I could feel them following me, but my siren took confident and daring steps toward the front door as it swung open. A sight better suited for heaven greeted me.

Neon.

For some time now, I had been fascinated with the aesthetic of neon signs. Every party planner ever had held a neon party, but had they every transformed their home into a neon sanctuary? I chuckled as I examined how the entire room seemed to glow in a pink and blue light. The couches were exchanged for a massive dance floor and the back doors opened to the roller rink and pool. Neon signs in different languages decorated every surface as the floor itself twirled in neon patterns that had been placed in smooth tiles.  Didn’t want to mess up Jeannie’s floors.

My hands twitched as I twirled and let out an excited giggle. There were people setting up the bar and food stands. We would have everything from sushi to fried chicken, beer to champagne. I didn’t give a fuck what you wanted because we had it all. My sneakers glowed under the lights as one of the contractors approached me.

“The edible paints are set up near the outside and the skates are lined by the rink,” he explained as his cheeks flushed. My siren let out a hum of approval as I stepped into his space. Fuck. I knew this was her acting out. Like, I get my body was all fucked up from the past years, but I could feel the disapproval from behind me.

“Thank you.” She drew a nail up his chest.

He made a choking sound as I was yanked back into a woodsy scent, my eyes rolled up to a livid Dean. My siren smiled feeling good that her antagonist actions were working. Apparently, she wanted more of whatever these boys were serving up. I slipped away from him as I moved up the stairs and winked down at the boys below.

Rhett was the only one looking amused. Desmond?  Maybe. Although he was so calm, I had no fucking idea. I feel like I could blow someone's brains out and he would be chill with it.

Now that I wasn’t high and my siren had been released, I felt slightly unhinged. I felt uncontrolled. I felt as though it was my mission to make terribly delicious, empowered decisions. Once in my bedroom, I stepped into my closet and began pulling out random options.

It was around the fifth dress that I found my winner.

Well, my siren did.

The boys would be livid, but I grabbed the matching pair of lingerie and went into the bathroom. I locked the door and stripped out of my school uniform, pulling on a pair of bright pink thong and a lace bralette. The entire look was very youthful and fun. I messed up my hair with sea salt spray before applying a light lipstick. Finally, I pulled on the bright pink mini dress that had an open middle to it. Honestly, I wasn’t really wearing anything. If I put on heels though… Yep, outfit complete.

“Lorcan!” Violet’s voice yelled. I opened the door as she strolled in with her school uniform, she saw my outfit and smiled. I couldn’t help but admire how pretty Violet was. Her face was sweet, and she had a youthful charm to her.

The bold feeling was catching because she chose to wear a mini skirt and tight half top in neon green. The two of us were looking fantastic by the time we were about to make our way downstairs, already people were arriving and filling the space. I had a feeling this would end bad, but my siren didn’t give a fuck. In fact, she liked the idea of them asserting their dominance.

I had never realized what a strong presence and energy she was.

Now I couldn’t ignore it.

It felt empowering, and at the same time, I was filled with conflicting emotion. For so long, the only sexual attention I had was threatening and with pain. What if someone made me feel the same way? My siren bared her teeth and encouraged me to be strong. She encouraged me to feel good about myself. There was nothing wrong with what I was doing.

No one owned me.

I had free will.

I was free now.

Desmond appeared in the door and his eyes categorized what I wore with a sound of interest. He looked to Violet and nodded for her to leave. She smiled at me and scattered. Desmond stepped forward and gripped my waist before looking over my body.

“Don’t,” I warned through a voice that showed off my siren.

He studied me for a moment before nodding, “You need this?”

I felt tears sting my eyes.

“Yeah. I need to feel good about myself.”

“You look beautiful no matter what you wear,” he commented softly. “I understand though, I can’t say the same about the other four, but I get it.”

My head fell against his chest as he gripped me close.

“Promise me something love,” he mumbled. “Promise me you will be completely sober tonight.”

My eyes snapped up and my siren hummed her agreeance. Apparently, she was a tad pissed at everything I had been putting in my body. It didn’t surprise me, since elves had such an intrinsic connection to nature. My siren was totally blaming my substance abuse on Toris and I was totally fine with that… I didn’t want her acting out at a large party.

“Deal.” I nodded as Rhett appeared behind him.

“Holy shit, Bunny!” He approved. “You look hot. You’re always beautiful, but this...”

I preened at his appreciative trail off. “Thanks.”

“Hayden is here,” Cash stepped through the door and looked over me. Heat entered his eyes before he grunted. I could feel his frustration, but he kept quiet.

Maybe they had heard my internal thoughts? My dilemma? My siren’s will?

Either way. I was ready. I was ready to experience my first party in nearly a year, totally sober.

Chapter 21

Lorcan

“He was a hard-headed man he was brutally handsome

And she was terminally pretty

She held him up and he held her for ransom

In the heart of the cold, cold city.”

-Life in the Fast Lane by the Eagles

I hadn’t known what to expect from partying sober. Honestly, I knew how crazy that sounded, but as I moved around the party, I found myself noticing fucking everything. My hand was cold from the cocktail I held, and a cigarette hung from my lip in habit. I hadn’t even lit it yet.

There was music playing from a massive speaker system as the neon lights refracted the setting sun. I tipped my head back as bodies pressed against me and hands grazed over my skin. I could feel everyone pulsating to the same beat and on the same level. Drinks, drugs, and touches were being handed out left and right. Faces new and old offered me entertained smiles as the bright aesthetic made my head spin with pleasure.

This? This was a good party.

“Beautiful!” Hayden caught me up in a hug as I grinned. He wore a button down in white and a pair of fluorescent green shorts. His hair was mussed. Chris stood next to him nursing a beer.

“Ah! Hayden, I missed you. How was the flight?”

Chris, always in search of a good time, smiled.

“I think she’s sober.”

Hayden’s jaw dropped. “No. Fucking. Way, I don’t believe it.”

Apparently, neither did because they waited for my answer instead of ignoring it. I took a sip of my drink.

“Just a few lifestyle changes.”

Chris stretched his tan arms above his bright yellow tank.

“Damn, does this have anything to do with your little group of boyfriends?”

“Boyfriends?” Hayden’s voice lifted.

“Boyfriends,” a playful voice confirmed behind me. I turned to find Rhett wrapping around me, decked out in only a pair of bright blue pants. Those dangerous tattoos danced across his arms and chest as he lifted me into his arms.

“Damn,” Hayden chuckled. “Well, I never thought I would see the day.”

I rolled my eyes as the two of them began teasing, my eyes meeting a pair of artic blue framed orbs. “What’s up, baby?”

His eyes sparked at my term of endearment. “Well, you mentioned roller skating.”

“Will I need to hold your hand?” I teased. “You have terrible balance.”

Rhett began carrying me toward the yard.  “Maybe it’s just an excuse to fall into you.”

I chuckled. “Oh, is that so?”

Instead of responding, Rhett placed me down and we were handed two pairs of roller skates. I narrowed my eyes as he offered an innocent look. I didn’t trust it at all. There was a heated desire radiating from my core as I slipped into the skates and followed him to the light-up floor. Before I knew what was happening, Rhett had me in his arms and we were skating across the surface with a big grin plastered to my face.

“So, it is true,” I laughed out as he twirled me under his massive arm. “You have fucking great balance.”

“I don’t know about that,” He reasoned with a small smirk.

My brows pushed together as I turned to look up at him. It was the moment he had been waiting for. Without any warning, Rhett took us to the floor and my body laid right on top of his. My dress was covering everything essentially, but his ringed tattooed knuckles gripped my thighs in a hold that had me wishing we were alone. I could feel my siren purring under the surface as he brushed a hand along my spine. The big grin on his face told me that he had most definitely fell on purpose.

“I mean if you prefer to fall into me,” he murmured and adjusted so I slid against his very apparent erection. “Then, by all means.”

“You like me on top?” I nibbled on his bottom lip as he groaned. I could feel people skating around us. The lights from the party were pulsating a pink, blue, and green pattern that blurred my sight.

“I like you anyway I can get you.” He slid his tongue across my lip and rolled us so he hovered above me. There were people taking pictures around us, but it didn’t stop my siren from arching up to encourage his kiss. Rhett had a knee bent between my legs as he wrapped an arm around my back and one around my neck. When his lips met mine in a full attack, my mind went blank.

There had always been something so freeing about Rhett. He had a lightness to him that drew people to him and made others smile. The moment my lips met his, I felt that warmth and light transfer into me. I felt as though I was soaring, and my heart began beating a million miles a minute. If this gave me a heart attack, I would gladly die.

His kisses reminded me of a cocaine high. There were a million things I needed to focus on when it came to Rhett. I wanted to memorize his lips. The feel of his hands on my hips. The feel of his lengthy, hardened cock against my hip. The lemony citrus scent that seemed to infuse my body with energy. I felt playful and alive. I felt like myself. My old self.

My siren purred happily as he brushed against the gold thigh tattoo that had been intertwined with his own power. I moaned into his mouth as he began to devour my lips. I could barely remember where we were. No, I was fucking forming an addiction to Rhett’s lips.

“Hey guys,” Cash interceded with a chuckle next to us. “I love a good sex show but…”

Both of us pulled back as he smiled down at my glazed eyes and looked to his brother.

“We weren’t having sex, Cash. I was just proving to her that I had trouble with balance.”

I snorted with a giggle. “A demonstration he insisted on giving me on the roller rink.”

Cash’s eyes lit up as he looked down at me. “Does that mean I get to try the body paint?”

Rhett groaned. “Totally forgot about that, dude. You are a genius.”

They helped me up as I slipped off my skates and the three of us walked toward the shelves with big fucking grins on our face. I could hear the live band setting up as the setting sun turned the pool a crimson red. Without much preamble, I darted away from the two of them and ran to the pool edge.

My plan was to stick a toe in. I promise, that was exactly what was going to happen. As I said, sobriety was the craziest fucking high. I found myself enjoying everything about tonight.

Then Cash’s scent wrapped around me as he tossed my body into the water. I let out a yelp as my body hit the warm water and laughs echoed around us. For just a moment, while under water, my siren made my skin shimmer like a reflective mirror and I found the change in my body absolutely breathtaking. As I emerged from the water, Cash met me with a big fucking grin and only his bright red shorts on. I immediately grinned and moved toward him.

“Lorcan,” he warned.

I used a little supernatural speed to yank his legs from under him. I let out a laugh as he dragged me underneath the water as well. My skin vibrated with power.  Cash’s auburn hair created a red halo around him.

Before I realized what he was doing, my legs were wrapped around his waist and those rough large hands were pulling my neck forward. I moaned as our lips connected underwater.  The water around us shimmered with the flashing lights from above. Everything was silent and for just a moment, it was just the two of us.

Since I was a siren, I didn’t need to hold my breath, but I knew that wasn’t the case with Cash. I initiated a second kiss and interlocked my hands with his own. In California, we had constantly been near the water, but now, we were a tad landlocked. It wasn’t necessary for us, but it sucked that, unlike the cosmos, we had to seek out this connection. There weren’t enough showers or baths in the world that could compare to the feel of this pool water. Jeannie had made sure they switched the pool to salt water for Cormac and me. She had somehow believed the flimsy excuse that I prefer it over chlorine.

I deepened my kiss with Cash and found the tone of it changed. Our kisses had always been aggressive, but something about this was almost loving. It felt like we were floating in a time separate from everyone else. I needed this damn kiss. I needed to feel his desire pressed into me as I pulled on his thick hair. This trippy kiss with his cold silver piercing against my own tongue was fueling my energy and infusing me with life.

When a hand wrapped around my waist, I grinned as both of us were pulled to the surface.

“Deanie!” I threw him a massive smile that seemed to stun him.

I was high on fucking life right now.

Dean grunted but smiled before tossing me over the shoulder to leave Rhett and Cash laughing. I grinned as his massive hands gripped the back of my thighs. There had never been a moment, event, or person in my life that had meant as much as…

…this.

These boys.

This party.

This night.

“I’m dripping everywhere,” I complained as Dean chuckled. When he sat my wet ass on top of him on the neon couch, my grin grew.

“I’m pretty sure this is like the kitty cat corner.” I snickered at the massive amount of pride members surrounding us. I must have looked fucking hilarious sitting in Dean’s massive lap, drenched from head to toe.

“And this?  This is exactly where you should sit,``he reasoned. I smiled as he offered me a glass of wine and lifted his own beer.

“Cheers,” I smiled as my siren appraised Dean. She liked him a whole lot and only part of it was the alpha thing. No, this was something more.

“What are you smiling about?” he asked with interest as I took a sip of my rosé.

I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his smooth lips. Dean chuckled softly as cool wine slipped past his lips and flavored our kiss. I couldn’t help but touch and kiss these men. It was as if every desire and ounce of affection I had been holding back exploded forward. These guys cared about me. These guys could actually care about me.

“I am just happy,” I admitted and stilled. Holy fuck.

I was happy.

I was happy.

Dean chuckled softly and brushed a piece of hair from my face.

“Good, you should always be happy, Li’l Minx.”

My lips found his again in a gentle, but controlled, kiss. Dean was far more reserved, but he didn’t hesitate to show his affection as he met my tongue and took control of the kiss. I knew how significant this was, him kissing me openly in front of the pride, and I fucking loved it.

I should have wondered if they cared I had kissed each of them… but I didn’t. I was too happy.

Dean’s hand moved from my hip, a bit of cold wine fell between our kiss and had me moaning into his mouth. He smiled and pulled back, rubbing a thumb across my lower lip.

“I’m never letting you go.” He admitted as I pressed my forehead to his shoulder. I felt safe in these arms. I felt loved.

“I don’t want you to ever let me go, Dean.” I let the admission slip past my lips.

Dean’s chest rumbled in appreciation as he settled me comfortably within his encircled arms. I could see the brilliant sky turning a deep indigo color that began to sparkle with the fading day. My mind began to wonder as I watched the switch in color, each more interesting than the last. When Desmond’s bright eyes appeared in my line of sight, a small grin tugged on my lips.

“Hey, love.” He placed a cigarette in his own mouth and offered me one. “How are we doing?”

I shrugged and offered a sleepy look.

“I’m sleepy now, but pretty damn good. How about you?”

Desi rubbed my jaw as he lit both our cigarettes. “Pretty good. I wanted to know if you wanted to come grab some food with me.”

I nodded and pressed a kiss to Dean’s nose as he let me up. I offered him a soft smile as the brooding alpha graced me with a soft smile. Desmond distracted me by tugging me under his arm and pressing a kiss to my temple.

“What do you want to eat?” He asked, as we went straight into the kitchen to avoid the lines. I smiled, remembering this had been the same place we had reunited on Friday night. Everything felt different now.

I wasn’t healed. I wasn’t recovered. I still flinched around people’s touches. I still hated when people said certain phrases. Still, tonight I felt happy. I knew it was thanks to the healing energy of these boys.

“You are so handsome,” I noted as the blue and lilac setting sun shone against Desmond’s face.

He whipped his head toward me in surprise. I grinned as I squeezed his hand.

“Really, I mean that.”

Desmond blushed then and I felt like I was fifteen again. He had always blushed a lot. What was different though? Well, this Desmond easily angled me against the hard counter top and appraised me with a hungry look.

“You know I’m the only one who hasn’t kissed you yet,” he observed with a frown.

I inhaled on my cigarette as I gave him a coy smile. “Is that so?”

Those beautiful eyes scanned my lips.

“It is. Do you want me to kiss you love?”

I could have groaned at the smoky texture of his voice. My skin tingled as he lifted my jaw toward him, and that powerful body pinned me against the counter. I licked my lips and drew a nail up his neck, causing him to shiver.

“What do you think?” I wondered and watched as he traced my lips.

Instead of answering, Desmond leaned in and the scent of tobacco and burnt wood filled my nose as those lips touched mine. My siren was fucking thrilled at unfolding events. Before I could stop myself, I met his kisses. I would have expected his kisses to be calm and controlled.

It was anything but.

I felt as though my chest exploded under the power of his kiss. He kissed me like he had always wanted to. He kissed me like he planned on many more. He kissed me like he wanted his lips ingrained within my subconscious. He kissed me in such a way that the star calls silenced, and everything stilled inside of my mind. My lips tingled as everything inside my body jumped to high fucking alert.

“Wow,” I whispered as he pulled back. Desmond winked and gave me a confident grin that had my heart beating like a fucking teenage girl.

Before he could say anything, the chef walked over and offered us an assortment of food. I could feel my heart beating a million miles per hour. As Desmond tucked me against his chest and offered me a kiss on the cheek, I knew everything was going to be just fine.

Well, not perfectly fine. I knew I needed to find Adriel. It seemed important that we cleared the air. Plus, I couldn’t get his kiss out of my mind.

Normally, I would worry about the consequences of such an action.  Kissing four men and looking for another I had already been kissed by. I wasn’t though. No, not today.

What was it Scarlett O’Hara had said?

“I'll think about that tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day.”

Chapter 22

Adriel

“I'm mad about you. I'm mad about you

And I have never in my life

Felt more alone than I do now,”

-Mad About You by Sting

I was torn between wanting to rip that dress off her or yell at her.

Maybe, I would do both.

I took a sip of my wine, as I thought about her soft-spoken thoughts that had leaked through our bond.

No one owned me. I had free will. I was free now.

No matter how many possessive instincts roared up inside of me, I couldn’t deny that she needed tonight. Plus, she was completely sober and smiling. Her lethal form moved across the dance floor with easy graceful movements.

Her body was currently pressed against Cash as he slipped an arm around her waist. I wanted to order everyone out of this fucking room, but I had to remind myself she needed this. She absolutely needed this. She needed to feel normal.

Dean grunted as he sat down next to me.

“I’m over this fucking party,” I muttered. I have to admit though, as parties went this was spectacular.

The alpha nodded and checked his expensive watch, “I’ll give it ‘til 12, then I’m dragging her ass upstairs.”

“What do you think about her siren?” I asked after a moment.

Dean chuckled softly, “It’s better than not believing anyone could care. Although her power in any form gets me hard as fuck, so that’s distracting.”

I nodded, “I feel like she is moving a million miles a minute. Every time I think I know how to help her… it’s changed.”

Dean hummed. “Yes. She’s always been like that. You can’t save her. You can’t change her. You just have to jump head first into her whirlwind and hope for the best. Hope that you can find a common oasis.”

My eyes trailed as she ground on Rhett, her head simultaneously resting on Cash. Everyone around her watched as Rhett’s tattooed knuckles skimmed her skin. The three of them were like a shimmering beacon to those around them. So, I wasn’t at all surprised when Zeke walked up to him.

“I’m going to kill him,” Dean stated simply. “I warned Zeke last time.”

I stood up and placed my drink down as I watched her attempt to ignore Zeke. Cash and Rhett were both taking turns spinning her.  It was easy for Zeke to reach out and grab her wrist. That was about the same time that I brought my elbow down onto his sternum. I also knocked his feet out from under him, so he fell to the floor. He was a big guy.  Didn’t matter. His body fell and it fell hard. He grunted a few choice curse words as I controlled the animal vibrating under his skin. He wasn’t powerful enough to stop me.

“Adriel!” Lorcan yelped as Cash rose a brow and Rhett laughed.

I closed the space between us and gripped her hips. I slammed her against my body as I dipped my head.

“Now, you listen here, Princess. I can’t control what you wear. I can’t control what you do or what you say. I can, however, beat the shit out of any guy who lays a fucking hand on you who isn’t in our group. Is that understood?”

Lorcan examined my gaze as a slow smile slipped onto her lips.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” I frowned.

She leaned forward her breath against my lips nearly.

“I don’t really want to be touched by anyone else.”

Yeah. I was going to be hard for the rest of the night.

Without thinking twice, I wrapped my hands around her lower back and drug her up my body. I couldn’t stop staring into her seafoam green eyes that now filled with so much light and heat. I hadn’t realized how close she had been to the end of her rope when I first showed up. I had miscalculated and said a few words that I knew triggered her.

When she told me about what had happened to her, I think it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wasn’t good at restraining my emotions. She was good at getting me worked up. So, here we were, her head tilted back, and her small little body pressed against mine. It was like when I held her in the stars. I had been given the pleasure of taking away her nightmare. There was no greater feeling than that.

“You know,” she teased bring her hand to my hair and mussing it. “We can’t really say we hate one another anymore, can we?”

I hummed in agreement while drawing my nose along her cheek bone.

“I can’t say I ever hated you to begin with.”

Lorcan pulled back with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t believe you.”

I chuckled at her expression.

“It’s true, Princess. I may have gotten frustrated, but I was just pissed off.  More at your effect on me and less at you.”

She turned under my arm as I wrapped my arms around her middle and nibbled her ear.  “Plus, I can think of a lot more interesting ways to spend our time than hating one another.”

A husky sound came from her throat as she arched back into me.

“Yeah? What did you have in mind?”

“How about I show you?”

A slightly nervous look crossed her confident expression and my heart softened as my hands gently tilted her chin.

“I really just want to spend time with you, maybe kiss you, without all of these assholes watching.”

Amusement filtered across her expression as she let out a smirk.

“Worried they will judge your skill set?”

A full, wholehearted body laugh broke from me and caused people around us to still momentarily.

“No, Princess, the only opinion I care about is yours. And I remember you seemed to like it.”

Lorcan blushed as her eyes sparkled.

“Alright, I’m going to go talk to Hayden for just a moment. Will you meet me upstairs?”

I leaned in and pressed a deep kiss to those lips to tide me over. I was rewarded with a soft sound from her as she pressed her body against mine. When I pulled back first, she shot me a scowl and walked away toward a familiar jinn that Desmond knew well.

“So, the act is done for?” Desmond asked while sipping his amber liquid.

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “It’s difficult to even look at her without smiling now.”

“Hey,” Rhett skidded to a halt in front of us. “Where is Lorcan?”

I noticed the slight tense expression on his face and Cash turned up next to him looking stressed.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked approaching.

Cash, their enforcer and tracker, spoke as the blood drained from my face, “I just caught scent of Momon.”

“They aren’t supposed to let him...”

Dean couldn’t finish though because a scream echoed upstairs that tore at my soul. It wasn’t Lorcan’s voice, but I could feel pain radiating through me. I shot up the stairs towards her bedroom. Bile rose in my throat.

“Hayden,” Dean demanded as he shook the passed-out jinn on the ground. Blood poured from his head where he had been hit. The girl who screamed, Violet, pressed against the closet crying. Lorcan and Cormac were nowhere to be seen.

“Where the fuck is she?” I demanded from Violet as Rhett attempted to lift her.

Violet began sobbing and her words became incoherent babble. I caught Desmond frowning at the bed and a look of horror passed his expression.

“What?” I snapped as Dean shuffled through photos laid out on her bed. I didn’t even have time to categorize what they were before Desmond spoke again.

“Lorcan and Cormac were taken by Momon.”

Fuck.

Epilogue

Lorcan

“Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name

But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game,”

-Sympathy for the Devil by The Rolling Stones

This makes sense.

This shitty turn of events was exactly what I needed to sober up from my inexcusable joy.

A dark laugh filtered through my mouth as I pulled my eyes open. Pain radiated through my body. This was my own damn fault. My own fucking fault. The stars had tried to warn me, but I had been so caught up in Hayden’s story, Violet’s doting on Cormac, and the photos. I had been so caught up in the hurricane of happiness around me that the shadows had barely registered before I had been knocked out.

Well, I had been mostly happy. Those photos on my bed had been super creepy, but the questions hadn’t formed before I had been knocked unconscious. I hoped one of the boys would find them.  Maybe they would lead them to wherever the hell we were.

Where the hell were we?

Cormac was laid out on the stone floor next to me and breathing sharp, pained breaths. Both of us were still clothed, but iron chains looped our ankles and burned our skin slightly. I’m sure it would have hurt more if I had more Fae and less siren in me.

The stones underneath us were damp. The cell darkened until the only light was the flickering torches around the room. The bars around us were iron as well, and wards sparkled with power. I could feel others in the darkness, so I didn’t feel comforted as my siren took control to protect me.

My latent power radiated through me as I spoke quietly.

“Where are we?”

A deep chuckle rolled out from the enclosure next to our own cage. Their own prison filled with several other figures. I could feel the power radiating out from them. I forced myself to not cringe because there was demonic power present here. Rationally, I knew not all demons were terrible though. Just people like Toris… and Momon.

That fucking bastard. He was responsible for this. I would bet the Louvre fortune on it.

My siren snarled at the concept of being trapped again.

“Calm down, little elf,” the indifferent voice next to me spoke. “Your powers, our powers, can’t be used down here.”

“Who are you? Where are we?” My voice sounded raw.

A shuffle came from the other side as I spotted more figures. The man spoke again.

“My name is Felix.”

“Felix?” I nodded in understanding. “Okay, Felix, I’m Lorcan. Where the hell are we?”

After a moment of silence, Felix spoke.

“You are in the demon...”

A voice from a cage across the room interrupted. “You are in fucking hell.”

M. Sinclair

US & International Bestseller

M. Sinclair is a Chicago native, parent to 3 cats, and can be found writing almost every moment of the day. Despite being new to publishing, M. Sinclair has been writing for nearly 10 years now. Currently, in love with the Reverse Harem genre, she plans to publish an array of works that are considered romance, suspense, and horror within the year. M. Sinclair lives by the notion that there is enough room for all types of heroines in this world and being saved is as important as saving others. If you love fantasy romance, obsessive possessive alpha males, and tough FMCs, then M. Sinclair is for you!

Just remember to love cats... that's not negotiable.

Vengeance Series

#graysguards

Book 1 - Savages

Book 2 - Lunatics

Book 3 - Monsters

Book 4 - Psychos (Available for Pre-order: Coming January 2020)

The Red Masques Series

#vegasandherboys

Book 1 - Raven Blood

Book 2 - Ashes & Bones

Book 3 - Shadow Glass

Book 4 - Fire & Smoke

Book 5 - Dark King (coming soon!)

Tears of the Cosmos

#lorcanslovers

Book 1 - Horror of Your Heart

Book 2 - Broken House

Book 3 - Announced soon!

The Dead and Not So Dead

#narcshotties

Book 1 - Queen of the Dead

Book 2 - Announced soon!

Descendant

#novasmages

Book 1 - Descendant of Chaos

Book 2 - Descendant of Blood

Book 3 - Descendant of Sin (coming soon!)

Reborn

#mayasmages

Book 1 - Reborn In Flames

Book 2 - Soaring in Flames (coming soon!)

Wronged

#valentinasvigilanties

Book 1 - Wicked Blaze Correctional

Standalones

Peridot

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