Julia Song Is Undateable
Author: Susan Lee
Date: 2025-10-28 00:00:00+00:00
Description: "Introspective, funny, relatable, sexy—it's an absolutely perfect romance." —Christina Lauren, New York Times bestselling author of The Unhoneymooners CEO seeks dating coach Julia Song, CEO of Starlight Cosmetics, is at the height of her career. Then why does she feel like such a failure? Maybe because she's thirty and single, with a terrible track record at dating. And in the eyes of her Korean family, that is just unacceptable. It never really bothered her—that is until her beloved grandmother drops the bomb that she is sick and her dying wish is for Julia to get married. Impossible. So in a
Publisher: Harlequin

Dedication

To Mom . . . 사랑해요

( . . . and before you ask, yes, those characters are based on you . . . ㅋㅋㅋ)

Contents

1. Cover
2. Title Page
3. Dedication
4. Contents
5. 1: Bribe Bags
6. 2: Makgeolli and Tears
7. 3: A Job for You
8. 4: Dating Coach
9. 5: Brunch
10. 6: What about Min?
11. 7: A Vegan Ally
12. 8: Kiss of Death
13. 9: The Product Closet
14. 10: Little Brother
15. 11: Tae’s Guide to Dating
16. 12: Meatfest
17. 13: Making Kimchi
18. 14: Demo Days
19. 15: What Do You Know About K-pop?
20. 16: Mr. Trot
21. 17: Competency Porn
22. 18: The One
23. 19: Ex-Girlfriend
24. 20: No Job, No Pay
25. 21: What About Julia?
26. 22: Tae All Along
27. 23: First Date
28. 24: Say the Words
29. 25: Paid in Full
30. 26: Confession. Rejection.
31. 27: Crock of Shit
32. 28: Gunbae
33. 29: Time
34. 30: The Most Valuable Thing
35. 31: Cake
36. 32: Like Coming Home
37. Epilogue
38. Acknowledgments
39. About the Author
40. Also by Susan Lee
41. Copyright
42. About the Publisher

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Guide

1. Cover
2. Contents
3. 1: Bribe Bags

1
Bribe Bags

Julia

Julia Song hated being the center of attention.

So standing here at the head of the conference table, expectant eyes of Very Important People all on her, was pretty much torture.

But Julia was the CEO of Starlight Cosmetics, this company was her baby, these VIPs the executives she hired to help grow the business. And the news she had to share with them was monumental.

She scanned her memory for the advice from her executive coach for this kind of situation. The only thing she could remember was, contrary to everything she’d ever been told before in her life, never try to picture your audience naked. It would make the nerves even worse.

And, of course, now that’s all Julia could think of.

She closed her eyes for a moment to clear her mind of all the unfortunate images fighting to run through her head.

What was that one thing her coach told her?

Squeeze your butt cheeks to hold the plank. Wait, no, that was her abs coach.

If the recipe calls for garlic, double it. Wrong again. That was her cooking coach.

Oh, screw it. What was the use of having all these people to help Julia better herself when she couldn’t call upon the advice when needed?

She cleared her throat and decided to wing it.

“I know you’re all busy, so I’ll make this quick. Look, it’s not how I wanted to do this . . .”

Her dream, rather, was to one day point at each of them and tell them an exorbitant dollar amount for a bonus. Enough money for them to buy new homes in the hills or on the beach, whichever they preferred.

“Wait—are you firing us?” someone cried out from the other end of the table.

Julia’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “What? No, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Always start with something personal and positive to get people excited about what you’re going to say. Oh yeah, that’s the brilliant advice her coach had mentioned.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so ominous.” Julia quickly backtracked. “It’s just that, well, at the risk of getting too squishy in a work meeting, I really wanted to thank you all for taking a chance on me way back when all of this was just an idea in my head.”

Julia swallowed the emotion building in her throat as she looked around at the team she’d put together to lead this company. They were the ones who took her idea to merge the best in the Korean skincare market with the high demands of the US consumer and built what was now one of the fastest-growing organic, clean K-beauty brands in America.

“I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your hard work and loyalty. I don’t know that any of us anticipated this kind of success. But honestly, none of it would have happened without each and every one of you and your contribution. And now, I have some really great news. As you know, Starlight’s Lotus Bamboo Essence was selected for Allure’s Best of Beauty awards. Which was a dream come true for us. But it doesn’t end there.”

Julia inserted the dramatic pause her public speaking coach had encouraged her to use. The looks of anticipation around the room fueled her excitement.

“I’m thrilled to share that the same Lotus Bamboo Essence has also been selected as one of this year’s Oprah’s Favorite Things!”

There was a silent pause of shock, followed by an eruption of applause and cheers, high fives, and hugs shared around the table.

“We’ll need to reforecast sales projections. We’re gonna blow up with the exposure . . .”

“We’re gonna have to update a comms plan . . .”

“We have to think of how we add this to the packaging design . . .”

“We need to make sure the supply chain can handle the increased distribution . . .”

“Oprah still has major influence on Gen X consumer spending. It’s a big win for a product . . .”

Yup, that was her team . . . no-nonsense, capable, loyal, honest . . . and the hardest-working, most talented people in the industry. And they were all business, just like her.

Her chest swelled as she watched them leave to get back to work, patting each other on the back as they walked out, taking the noise with them.

Julia started this company at only twenty-six years old. She’d disappointed her parents by changing her major from pre-med to business administration. She lived off ramen and PB&J sandwiches for a good year just to scrape by as she worked tirelessly to research the industry, to find the holes, the opportunities. She fought pushback from the Korean beauty companies who hadn’t exactly welcomed her with open arms. And she stomached the start-up community’s boys’ club as she tried to secure funding for the company.

And four short years later, they were on the verge of something huge. Hard work and dedication had brought them to this level of success. So yeah, she was proud of them, proud of herself. And at only thirty, she was finally in a position financially to take care of her family without worry.

When the last person left her office, Julia turned to look out the windows, the hustle and bustle of Santa Monica ten floors below. She took a deep breath.

“That’s right, motherfuckers,” she screamed, while pumping her fist. She shook her hips back and forth, adding in some aggressive hair throws and, why the heck not, followed it with a body roll. “Oh yeah, uh-huh . . .”

“Oh dear, that’s something I’m not likely going to forget seeing.”

Record scratch.

Julia halted her celebratory dance and quickly patted down her hair, trying to tuck her I-knew-I’d-regret-these bangs behind her ear as her assistant, Annette, entered the office.

“Unlike what your schedule says on paper, you’ve only actually attended that hot yoga class once. Should you really be trying to move your body like that?” Annette asked. “I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“You’re fired.”

Annette passed her the cup of black coffee in the Morning Person mug that she knew was a lie, along with a multivitamin and a probiotic. Breakfast of champions.

“Just remember that I know where the bodies are hidden. Oh, and I have those pictures of you from that one holiday party . . .”

“Okay, fine, you can stay,” Julia conceded.

“Is it a good time to ask for a raise?”

Julia tried to shoot Annette a glare but couldn’t keep back the smile. It was a secret to no one that Annette was invaluable to the Starlight team, and most days she was the one bossing Julia around. Julia shook her head and took a seat at her desk. “Can you forward the O magazine email to the team so they know all the details?”

“You betcha,” Annette said. “Have you told your folks yet?”

“No, not yet. I don’t think they’d even understand what a big deal this is.”

“Make sure to tell them.” Annette wasn’t only her assistant, she was also her work-mother as well. “Oh, and here is the updated short list of investors we might want to approach for global expansion. One bad meeting doesn’t have to halt progress.”

One bad meeting was an understatement. The last time Julia had met with an investment firm for an informational meeting, they kept asking about her significant other, driving home that they were a family-run business built on traditional values. They looked at her as young and inexperienced not because of her age—she knew plenty of male CEOs who were thirty—but because she wasn’t married with children. In their eyes, Julia wasn’t reliable because she wasn’t settled . . . settled down, that is.

Her accomplishments, alone, weren’t enough.

I’ll show them, she thought to herself as she gritted her teeth.

Julia grabbed the list from Annette with a little bit more force than necessary and nodded. “Thanks.”

“Hey.” Annette softened her voice like she so rarely ever did. The one word in that tone made Julia surprisingly emotional. “It’s a good day, boss lady. You should be proud.” She patted Julia on the shoulder before walking back to her desk just outside Julia’s office.

“It really is a good day,” said a bright and familiar voice from the doorway.

Julia pulled back as she saw her best friend, Sonia Oh, there with a bottle of champagne in one hand and a . . . saber? . . . in the other.

“They let you through building security with that?” Julia lifted her chin toward the very dangerous-looking knife.

“It was in my bag,” Sonia said, as if it was the most normal thing to be carrying around in one’s tote. Julia’s eyebrows shot up as she slowly leaned back away from the saber’s sharp point. “Don’t give me that look. Sabering champagne bottles is a lost art. Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.”

Sonia lined the blade up to the top of the champagne bottle, and with a dramatic flick, the cork went flying.

Impressive.

Julia grabbed the plastic cup of champagne and tapped it to Sonia’s.

“To being selected as one of Oprah’s Favorite Things. The accolades keep coming!”

Julia still couldn’t believe it. If all went as expected, her small but growing company would solidify its status as a real success in the States.

But Julia’s big dream was to go global, especially to be taken seriously in the South Korean market. Without that, Julia felt a bit like a fraud. She would have to look deeper into the daunting hurdle of Korean distribution and marketing sooner than later. She just wasn’t sure they could tackle something so huge on their own. Funding—investors—would be a safer route for a move that big.

She looked back at the list on her desk. Someone on it could be the right fit for Starlight. And they’d do it for the company’s merits and not based on Julia’s marital status.

“Did I hear the celebratory sound of plastic cups clonking in here? Classy. I want in on this action.”

“Why do I feel like plans were made without me?” Julia asked as her other best friend, Rachel Park, sauntered into the office.

As practical as Julia was in her signature monochrome tailored black slacks, silk blouse and her singular focus on business, and as quirky as Sonia was in her flowing skirt, off-the-shoulder sweater and champagne saber in hand, Rachel was the glamour girl of the trio, with the latest fashion trends, magazine-cover-worthy style, and always the perfect red lip.

Julia, Sonia, and Rachel had shared a dorm their freshman year in college and had been best friends ever since, despite, or maybe because of, being so different. Their one thing in common was what strengthened their bond: they shared the same joys and pains of growing up Korean American.

“You didn’t think we’d let you not celebrate this, did you?” Rachel said as she placed a pastry box in front of Julia. “Mochi doughnuts, your favorite.”

“Way to come prepared,” Sonia said.

“Knowing you,” Rachel said, pointing at Julia as she walked over to the credenza to grab plates and napkins from the cabinet, “you were probably planning on going home, ordering a pizza, and catching up on The Challenge to celebrate.”

Honestly, all of that sounded like a perfect celebratory plan in Julia’s mind.

“Whoa, you’re really spoiling your halmoni for her eightieth birthday,” Rachel said, motioning with her head to the four very large, very full gift bags on Julia’s conference table in the corner.

“Um, none of those are for Halmoni,” Julia said. “They’re for my mom and aunties. Starlight’s new ginseng line of skincare. Gucci scarves. Prada sunglasses. Bottega leather key rings. My plan is to woo them with goodies to distract them so they won’t focus on my hair, my weight, my dating life, why I’m not married . . . the usual. It cost me a pretty penny, but it’ll be worth it.”

“Korean families can be so rough. I thought I was past it once James and I got married. But now we’re on to the When are you having babies? part. It’s relentless,” Sonia said.

“And just another reason I’m glad I don’t have any family,” Rachel added. “No one around to give me shit for never wanting to get married.”

Rachel had lost her family at a young age. And though she didn’t mention them often, when she did, it was usually with a flippancy that made Julia worried she might be dealing with something. She made a mental note to check in with her best friend later to make sure she was okay. Rachel would hate it if they forced her to talk right now.

Julia threw a quick look toward Sonia, who met her with a tiny head nod. She’d noticed too.

Sonia got up and walked over to the table, subtly giving Rachel’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“How do I get my hands on one of these bribe bags?” Sonia asked, peeking inside. “Nice.”

“They were a last-minute splurge, technically a backup plan. Originally, I was going to play sick and maybe get out of going home for Halmoni’s birthday weekend altogether.”

“Well, you’re too chicken to pull that off. Your halmoni might be the only person in the world you’re scared of saying no to. You’d never disappoint her,” Rachel said. “Plus, anytime you try to play sick, it ends up sounding like a lifelong smoker.”

“Huh, I always thought she sounded like a phone sex operator,” Sonia added.

“Those aren’t a thing anymore. You need video now and an OnlyFans account,” Rachel added matter-of-factly.

Sonia nodded. “Wow, I didn’t realize you needed technology for cheap thrills now too.”

“Hello, vibrators?”

“Can we not talk about vibrators at my workplace please?” Julia chimed in, not able to hide the smile on her face. It felt like they were back in their first off-campus apartment, laughing, drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and sharing notes on their sex lives.

“I have an idea. Just tell your family you’ve had a long-standing relationship with a guy you’ve been hiding. His name is Bob,” Sonia suggested.

“You know I’m a terrible liar.”

“It’s not a lie,” Sonia insisted. “You have had a long-term relationship with Bob, your Battery Operated Boyfriend. Get it?”

“So we’re sexualizing dad jokes now. Is that what we’ve become?” Rachel’s voice was laced with mockery, but her smile gave her away. She’d be the first to laugh at all of Sonia’s dad jokes.

“I’m not faking a boyfriend,” Julia said. “I’m knee-deep in this next wave for Starlight. I have no time for any boyfriends, fake or real. Plus, I shouldn’t have to fake it. What’s the big deal? I’m single at thirty. You’d think, the way some people see it, I’ve committed a crime against humanity or something.”

“We’re supposed to have it all by now,” Rachel said, dramatic air quotes punctuating her eye roll.

“According to whose standards? It’s such an antiquated notion that having it all looks the same for everyone and means the same thing as it has for generations,” Julia responded.

“Fair point,” Sonia said. “But what’s with the sudden existential crisis?”

Julia shrugged. “I’ve just given up on dating.”

“Uh-oh. Who was it this time, and what happened?” Rachel asked.

Julia let out the deepest breath. This was supposed to be an impromptu celebration of her accomplishments with friends. She downed the dregs of her champagne from the plastic cup, swallowed her pride along with it, and let it out.

“I finally gave in and went out with that commercial real-estate guy from Malibu.”

“The one who was on the reality TV show?” Sonia asked.

Julia held back the groan.

“And?” Rachel nudged.

“You both know how it is. I’m awkward with people. I have no social skills, which translates badly to any dating situation.” She shrugged. “I told him he looked different in person than on TV.”

The pained expression on her friends’ faces confirmed what Julia suspected: It had been the wrong thing to say.

“Which led him to feel the need to share his entire history of body dysmorphia and then ended with him telling me I’m undateable.”

Silence.

Rachel elbowed Sonia.

“Well, that’s just nonsense,” Sonia sputtered. “You’re not undateable. You’re perfect,”

“Let’s not lie to the girl. Undateable, no. But, there is no denying you’re awful at the art of dating.” Rachel, ever the realist. “Remember that time you told the guy who showed up in a bowling shirt that Charlie Sheen wanted his wardrobe back?”

“He was doused in Drakkar Noir like he’d just walked out of the nineties. He was asking for it.” The three of them met each other with matching eye rolls.

“And remember how she made The New York Times best-selling author cry when she admitted she couldn’t get past the second chapter—”

“And when that founder got all defensive because she called his Patagonia vest and Allbirds sneakers start-up chic—”

“Okay, so not my finest moments, I’ll admit,” Julia said. “Men are so sensitive these days.”

“But in your defense, some of these guys were turkeys. The hedge-fund guy who came back from Burning Man and decided to give up showering?” A shudder ran through Rachel’s body, her face scrunched up as if she smelled something bad. And she wasn’t even at that date.

“Well, as fun as this trip down memory lane has been, I don’t have the time or energy right now to worry about fragile feelings or inflated egos. So I’m a lot to handle, too much for most people. I’ve accepted that. My coach told me I should be honest with myself about my strengths and weaknesses. Strength: I am kick-ass at business. Weakness: I’m terrible at small talk, fake niceties, and awkward social interactions—basically dating, in a nutshell.”

“Wait, your Pilates coach told you that?” Sonia asked.

Julia stared at the absurdity of the question. Granted, she did have a lot of coaches in her life. So many that even she got them mixed up sometimes.

“Plus, I’m trying to get my parents set up financially so I can talk them into finally retiring. I’m looking to hire a driver for my grandma so she’ll stop trying to do it herself. I have a family that I need to take care of. And a business that requires all my time and focus. Not a lot of guys out there find my kind of baggage sexy.”

She thought about her halmoni, once owner of the largest apothecary back in Korea before marrying her grandfather and becoming a farmer’s wife. And Julia’s mom, a successful engineer, married her dad and now worked at their dry cleaners. She wasn’t judging their choices. In fact, it was, in part, because of their sacrifices that Julia was the successful woman she was today. She was doing all of this as much for them as she was because of them.

But she was not going to follow in their footsteps and give anything up for someone else.

And based on her tragic dating history, she just wasn’t going to find a man who could handle her as she was and the level of success that came with it.

When being too much was the reason you weren’t enough—a memoir.

“So I’m done even trying. For the time being, I’m off the market. Mr. Malibu called it. I am, officially, undateable.” Family-values investors and Korean aunties be damned.

“Anyways, I’m not opposed to buying my aunties’ silence about it for a few hours if I can,” she said, eyeing the large gift bags.

“Well, I think it’s a solid plan. You always take such good care of your family.” Sonia walked over to the glass product cases that lined one side of Julia’s office. She grabbed a small container and lifted it up to Julia, an eyebrow raised in question.

“Our new shea butter hand cream in primrose. Try it. If you like it, ask Annette to grab you a couple on your way out,” Julia offered.

“Hey, what about me?” Rachel asked.

“You won’t like the scent. A little too sweet for you. You should try the body scrub in sandalwood,” Julia said.

“God, you’re sexy when you talk free products,” Rachel said.

“Anyways,” Sonia cut in, still rubbing the hand cream in her palms, “you are the CEO of one of the hottest new cosmetics brands. You’re featured in Forbes ‘30 Under 30.’ You’re a guest lecturer at Stern and Wharton business schools. You’ve been busy.”

“Thanks, Sonia. Can you come with me to Halmoni’s birthday party and read my list of achievements to my family? Maybe they’ll believe you. As it stands, as far as they’re concerned, they won’t be impressed until I have a fat diamond engagement ring or get a shameless product placement in a new K-drama.”

“It’s our fate. It’s the Korean han, our cultural burden. All Koreans always carry around the shame of somehow not feeling good enough and then putting it onto the generations after them. Stuff your face with birthday cake and tteok and just nod when they start asking questions. You’ll get past it.”

“Plus, you’ve got Oprah now. If anyone can help turn the tide during your dinner, it’s Oprah,” Rachel added.

The three of them raised their glasses for another toast.

“To Oprah,” Julia offered. “May the news magically render my family silent from their nagging.”

“To Oprah,” her friends answered.

“And if that doesn’t work, here’s hoping those will,” Rachel added, looking over her shoulder, lifting her chin. “To bribe bags.”

Julia took a deep breath. She lifted her glass with her last bit of strength, hoping that this plan would, indeed, end up working. Julia was the CEO of a multimillion-dollar company. She had handled the choppy, aggressive, unforgiving waters of the business world. She could handle one night with her family, right?

“To bribe bags,” she said, downing the rest of her champagne.

2
Makgeolli and Tears

Julia

Standing at the front door of her childhood home, Julia’s feet itched to turn around, get back into her car, and head up the freeway to her place in Los Angeles. She could just not show up for her grandmother’s eightieth birthday party, right?

She let out a deep breath and reprimanded herself to suck it up. She tightly gripped the gift bags she’d prepared for her mom and aunties, hoping desperately that the contents were impressive enough to make them forget everything they were about to say to Julia, and walked in.

All eyes turned to her and without even a brief reduction in volume, she was suddenly the center of attention.

“Julia, you’re here. Why are you late?”

“Julia-ya! It is good to see you. Did you gain weight?”

“Oh, oh, it’s good, Julia came. Your hair is too long to wear down. Tie it up.”

“Are those presents? You should get a bangs perm like all the girls in Korea.”

No matter how old she was or how many years she’d endured the same questions and comments, they didn’t sting any less. Julia knew she shouldn’t take them personally. It was just how their generation talked. In fact, they probably thought they were showing Julia that they loved her this way.

“Annyeonghaseyo,” Julia said with a deep bow, greeting the elders in the room.

Her halmoni sat in the armchair in the corner, the seat of honor. Her dad’s mother was not even five feet tall and barely a hundred pounds. But she was fierce. Her grandmother helped raise Julia while her parents were spending long hours working at their dry cleaners when she was a kid. She loved her with all her heart. And never wanted to disappoint her. There’s no way she wasn’t going to show up today.

“Halmoni, happy birthday.” She didn’t need an extravagant gift bag for her grandmother. Instead, Julia brought her a cheap bottle of makgeolli, the rice wine that was her grandmother’s favorite. Halmoni could drink Julia under the table. Julia leaned down and gave her a gentle hug and kiss on the cheek. Her grandmother reached around and grabbed Julia and squeezed tightly. Halmoni was in damn good shape for eighty.

“Julia,” her mom called while looking back toward the door, likely hoping that a man would magically appear, “did you come alone?”

“Mom, Aunties, I brought you all a small gift,” Julia said quickly, cutting off her mom. Strategic countermeasures activated.

“Wow, that is so nice. You’re so chakkae, our Julia,” said Aunt Linda, looking over the bags to see which looked the fullest.

“Julia, you shouldn’t have. Don’t waste money,” said Aunt Sharon as she grabbed quickly for a bag.

“My Esther never brings me presents,” said Aunt Janet, pulling out the decorative tissue paper to get to the goodies.

“Umma, this one is for you,” she said, handing over the bag with the few extra gifts to her mother.

They tore at the contents.

“Is this Korean-made?” one of the aunties asked.

Julia closed her eyes. They had no idea that Starlight’s products were of the highest quality.

“Starlight is Korean American–made!” her mom answered. “Korean American is better than just Korean these days.” Her mom had a duty to talk up her daughter to others. It was written in a Mom Book somewhere.

“No presents for me?” Julia smiled as she turned to her father. He looked even more tired than the last time she saw him. For her entire life, he’d worked sixteen-hour days at the dry cleaners they owned, barely scraping by. Even now, it took a fight for Julia to get him to accept any financial support she wanted and was able to give him.

“Sorry, Dad. I didn’t think Starlight’s new skincare line was something you’d be interested in.” Julia stood and wrapped her arms around her dad.

“Well, it’s good enough for Oprah Winfrey,” he said, a proud look on his face.

“Hey, how did you know?”

“I have Annette on speed dial. She may have given me a clue when I called her earlier today for some gardening advice. She’s an expert at orchids.” Julia was not going to ask about her parents’ odd relationship with her assistant. “Sounds like this could be good for your company. Good work.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Julia said. It didn’t matter how old she was. She was always going to want affirmation from her parents. And her dad’s pride was almost better than receiving the news itself.

“Now, let me in on that bottle of makgeolli with Halmoni and I’ll forgive you for not bringing me any Lotus Bamboo Essence,” he said. His smile was warm and encouraging, and for a moment Julia felt like she could let her guard down.

“Dangshin, those sunglasses look wonderful on you. Very fancy,” he said to Julia’s mom, who was trying on the Pradas she’d found in her gift bag.

She swiped away his hand. “You stop lying,” Julia’s mom said, a huge smile on her face.

Julia warmed at their simple interaction, like they had their own inside joke and everyone else was just watching. Julia wanted what her parents had. Something that seemed so easy.

Julia’s relationship history was nonexistent. In the beginning, she’d been too focused on building her business to allow anyone else a part of her. And at this stage, she found most men she met couldn’t handle her—the success, the dedication to her family. The thought of even entering a relationship felt like it came with some expectation of her to give a part of that up.

Anything but easy.

“Okay, come on, everybody. Let’s eat. I’m hungry,” her dad said, pulling Julia out of her thoughts.

While everyone gathered around the kitchen island to fill up their plates, Julia grabbed a wineglass first. Priorities. Necessities for a family gathering.

“Julia,” her Aunt Linda called out, “did you hear? Jisoo Kang is getting married.”

Julia froze.

Jisoo Kang was her frenemy at church growing up. They were the same age and, at one point, inseparable. But being constantly compared to each other by all the adults throughout the years made it impossible not to drive an awkward wedge between the two of them. Julia could crush her competition in the marketplace. But she always felt a little smaller and less-than next to Jisoo in life. Jisoo was a doctor, had a nose job, and apparently now, was getting married. The perfect Korean daughter.

“Look, he’s very handsome,” Aunt Sharon said. A phone was passed to Julia. The man on the screen standing next to Jisoo was tall and good-looking. “Her parents set her up. He’s an engineer and sings in the choir at their church.”

“Julia, if you want, I’m sure we could all help you find someone too,” Aunt Janet offered.

“Um, yeah, no thanks, I’m good,” she said. “I’m really too busy with work these days.”

“But you’re thirty and still single,” someone said.

And there it was. Just like at the investor meeting. Just like she knew would happen here. Julia’s age and relationship status used as accusations against her to prove that she’d fallen short somehow. No celebration of her accomplishments before hitting thirty. No acknowledgment of what she’d been able to build by this age.

Just that one box she hadn’t been able to tick that seemed to outvalue everything else.

Julia closed her eyes, trying to gain composure. She’d spent all that money on gift bags, and they hadn’t even bought her way through dinner.

“Julia-ya, come talk to me,” her halmoni said. Her grandmother got up slowly and lifted her chin toward the bottle of makgeolli Julia had brought. They were sneaking off to throw a couple back.

Julia grabbed two mini wooden bowls from the kitchen and the bottle of cloudy rice wine and followed her halmoni to the living room. She sat down next to her grandmother and opened the bottle. Using her left hand to support her right arm as she poured, the Korean formal way of sharing a drink with someone older, Julia filled their small bowls. She turned her face away slightly from her grandmother as the two of them quickly drank their first shots of the sweet but strong alcohol.

When they finished, Julia started the process over again, pouring them their second round.

“Julia,” her grandmother said, wiping her mouth with her sleeve, “it’s my dying wish for you to find a nice man and get married.”

Julia began coughing uncontrollably, makgeolli going down all the wrong pipes. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Her grandmother lifted a shoulder in shrug, unbothered, as if she hadn’t just dropped a bomb on Julia.

She reached out and grabbed her halmoni’s hands. They felt warm like they always had.

“You’re not—” she swallowed the fear of the word “—sick, are you?”

Halmoni squeezed her hands back. “They found something.”

They found something. Julia replayed the words in her head again to make sense of it and what it could mean. The cold of panic made her numb and singularly focused on what she could do to make this okay. “What do you mean, they found something? Who? What did they find? Was it the doctor? What did he say?”

Her grandmother held out her bowl, nodding at the makgeolli bottle, expecting a refill.

Julia pushed the bowl down gently. “Halmoni, focus. Tell me exactly what they said. What is going on?”

Halmoni shrugged, but then let out a deep breath through her nose. “I don’t know all the details. I didn’t understand a lot of the big American words the doctor was saying—”

“Wait, you went to the doctor by yourself? Mom or Dad didn’t go with you? And you didn’t have an interpreter? Halmoni!”

“Julia, I don’t need anyone to go with me. The doctor took some pictures. They said they found something. I have to go back for more tests—”

“When? I’m going with you,” Julia asserted. She would take care of this. She would figure out what was happening and then get the best care for her grandmother that money could buy.

“We’ll talk about that later. But listen to me, Julia, this is more important. When I heard this news, it made me think. I’ve lived a long life. And there’s only one thing left that I want. And that is to see you find a partner, to be happy.”

Julia groaned, dropped her head to her chest, and closed her eyes. Impossible. Her friends were right. Her grandmother was the one person she could not say no to. The one she never wanted to disappoint. “Halmoni, let’s not talk about that now. It’s not important. Plus, you know how busy I am with work. Don’t worry, I am happy. I don’t need a partner for that.”

“Julia, you’re always so focused on work. And all the rest of your time and energy and money is spent worrying about the family. You need someone to support you, to be there for you, to love you. Your company is growing very fast. And your parents and I aren’t getting any younger. I don’t want you to get too busy and work so hard only to one day look around and realize that you’re alone.”

Her grandmother’s words pierced her . . . they penetrated deep down to a place kept far from the light of day. A place where Julia hid her own fears that she’d end up exactly as her grandmother described. Alone.

Was she right? Would Julia sacrifice everything to make Starlight a success only to one day look around and see everyone in her life had passed or moved on, and she was left with just her work and no one to celebrate her accomplishments with?

“Halmoni, it’s okay. This is why I’m so focused. I need, and want, to be successful, to take care of you and the family,” Julia said. “Plus, it’s not like I can just snap my fingers and find someone to marry. These things take time, so you have to live a lot longer, okay? No more talk about . . .” Julia couldn’t even get the word out. Her grandmother was not dying. She wouldn’t allow it.

“No, Julia,” her grandmother replied. “I know how these things go, and who knows how much time I have left. We can’t waste it. You can do anything you put your mind to, I know it.”

Julia raised her head, and tears filled her eyes. “But Halmoni . . .” I’m bad at dating. I’ve never been in a relationship. I’m too much to handle. What if I fail? Don’t leave me.

Her grandmother waved her hand at Julia. “No tears. Just get on it. Open yourself up to the possibilities. Find a good man, or woman if you prefer, to build a life with. I’m progressive, it makes no difference to me. Then I can die in peace,” her halmoni said, pouring herself another bowl and taking a drink, punctuating her demands with a burp. She turned her eyes and her entire focus onto her granddaughter. “Julia, promise me you’ll try, try to find your true love. You can look where you least expect to find it. That’s usually how I find my glasses.”

Her grandmother stood, way steadier on her feet than Julia felt. She placed her hand on Julia’s shoulder and squeezed, nodded her head, and walked away.

Julia wiped away the tears from her eyes and nodded back, though the space on the couch was now empty, a silent promise made. She would pay for the best doctors to do whatever they had to do to help her grandmother with whatever it was she was dealing with.

Julia would fix this.

The two of them returned to the kitchen where everyone was gathered, acting like nothing was wrong, like the matriarch of their family wasn’t dying. Did her parents know Halmoni wasn’t well? How could she possibly deny her grandmother her dying wish? But how could she make a promise she wasn’t sure she could keep?

She couldn’t just find some guy out of the blue who would be funny and sweet and didn’t shrivel in the presence of Julia’s success, expecting her to become less so that he wouldn’t feel so . . . could she? Okay, wow, she definitely needed to work through some things with her therapist. But she’d also need some help right now.

Before she could change her mind, Julia cleared her throat and raised her hand. “Excuse me, everyone. I have an announcement.” She pulled her shoulders back and stood straighter. The room quieted, and all eyes turned to Julia in full CEO mode. “After further consideration, I have decided that I will agree to let you set me up. On a date.”

All jaws dropped to the ground.

And then all mouths began moving at once.

“Hallelujah, this is a miracle!”

“This is wonderful, just wonderful.”

“It would have been easier if we started before she was thirty, but still . . .”

Julia watched the back-and-forth like a tennis match. She was losing control of the situation. They were jumping the gun. She wasn’t quite ready yet . . .

“How about we not focus on my age and focus, instead, on what kind of man we should be looking for. Let’s talk about my type.” Julia needed all hands on deck to find someone just right.

“Well, honey, we don’t exactly know where to start since you’ve never brought anyone home for us to meet. But sure, what are you interested in?” her mom asked, subtle dig not unnoticed.

“He has to be smart so that Julia’s brains don’t intimidate him,” her father said before Julia could get a word in.

“And tall. Korean men these days are very tall, and we can’t waste Julia’s strong genes on someone who won’t match them,” Aunt Sharon added.

“And no wimps. You know how Julia makes men cry,” Aunt Linda insisted.

Now, that was an urban legend. One time. It happened one time. And Julia hadn’t actually made anyone cry from her honesty since then. At least she didn’t think so.

“At the very least, he needs to be successful. I want a partner,” Julia added. She wanted an equal. All her strongest business relationships were those where each side brought something to the table, mutually beneficial. And she didn’t want to struggle like her parents had their entire lives.

“Smart. Successful. Tall. And no crybabies. This is going to be a lot harder than expected.” All heads nodded in unison as if Aunt Janet had just dropped some epic truth.

Julia gripped the kitchen island with both hands, her knuckles white with tension. She felt exposed. She hated people talking about her and being dissected by others. She bit the inside of her cheek, willing for this night to end.

She raised her eyes and looked over at her grandmother. Fear grabbed her heart at a world without her halmoni. Whatever the diagnosis, however much time she had left, Julia would do whatever she could to make her happy. She would go on these dates and be the best version of herself. She would figure out how to make it work, to make someone—anyone—stick. But would she be willing to give up a part of herself if she needed to?

Did they have coaches for something like this?

“Himnaeja, everyone. Let’s do it for Julia,” her father said.

Her mom perked up, and her eyes sparkled with excitement.

“Dangshin,” her mom called to her dad, “what about that new youth pastor at church? He has a lot of hair on his head. Very smart.”

“No, no, too short. But what about Mr. Lee who owns the sandwich shop?” her dad suggested. “Tall.”

“Yah, he’s fifty-two. Too old. And he’s definitely a crier,” her mom yelled back.

“The assistant manager at the H Mart,” one of her aunts threw out. “I hear they make lots of money. Successful.”

Her halmoni had the Southern California Korean Businesses directory pulled out, flipping through the pages for inspiration.

This was already a disaster. Julia shook her head, on the verge of taking back her request. She locked eyes with her grandmother. Halmoni’s eyes widened noticing Julia’s near panic.

“Okay, everyone, now that we know what you’re looking for, let’s get to work,” her grandmother said. “We’ll find just the right match and won’t put you out too much, Julia. We know how busy you are, and work is very important. How about three dates? It’s not too much to ask, right?”

“Three dates?” Her grandmother expected her to find a man to marry in only three dates when she hadn’t been able to even come close in all the years she’d been alive? Impossible. Not with her track record. But she also didn’t want to be on a merry-go-round of unlimited rotating setups, being reminded how, in the end, it was Julia who was the problem for the failed relationships.

“Yes, fine. That’s fair. Three dates you think would be a good match for me.” She nodded at her grandmother. This was the best she could do for her right now.

And now, it was her chance to make sure she got something out of this too. “And no matter what happens, when all is said and done, no one in this family gets to ever ask me about my dating life or my weight or my hair length or anything else again. And . . . no more gift bags.” Julia turned to look to her grandmother. “Three dates, and we all walk away happy and at peace.”

For the first time all night, the room was stunned into silence except for the loud gasp coming from the aunties at the prospect of no more goodies.

“Oh no,” one of her aunties gasped.

Oh no, indeed.

3
A Job for You

Tae

“Taehyung-ah, can you come and take this across the street to the Songs’ house?”

Tae entered the kitchen where he found his mother on a stepladder reaching in the top cupboard for a plastic container, the corner of her apron dangling precariously over an open flame on the stove.

“Mom,” Tae said in warning. He rushed up, turned off the burner, and placed a hand at her back to help steady her. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“I’m fine,” she said as she stepped back down, swatting his hand away.

“What is all of this?” he asked.

“I’m making pajeun. Just a snack.”

Tae counted the four plates of Korean green onion pancakes his mom had made for a snack. “Mom, I’m sure they have enough food. It’s clearly a big family party. Do you really think they need more?” Tae asked.

“It’s not about need. They’ll like it. Oh, in fact, take this box of apples with you too. Now hurry and go before the pajeun gets cold. Oh, and ask them if they still need you to look at their water heater.”

“Sure, Mom. I’ll fix their water heater . . . while they’re having a huge party. In case anyone wants to suddenly take a shower during dinner.”

“Aya, just go,” she said, slapping his back with a smile. It was impossible not to tease her. But it was also impossible to talk her out of a nice deed. What kind of food to send to a neighbor was the greatest of Korean mom worries. Oh that, and when her kids were getting married. He was sure his mom would hit him up with that question soon enough.

It wasn’t the first time Tae thought about how nice it was being home, spending time with his parents. The reasons that brought him back were tough. But he couldn’t help think of how it felt right being here. Helping his mom and dad made him feel more himself than a stable job and perfect-on-paper life ever had. He just wasn’t sure how much longer he could hide away before people began whispering about him, before he turned from hero to bum in people’s eyes.

Tae exaggerated a deep bow at his mom and grabbed the Corelle plate, the same dish set they’d had for as long as he could remember, with the amazing smells coming from under the foil, placed it on top of the box of Fuji apples, and headed across the street to the Songs’. There were at least ten cars parked outside. Tae had always been a little jealous of how big their family was and how loud their gatherings always were.

It was just the four of them: Tae, his older brother, and his mom and dad. It was almost just the three of them. But his dad had just finished his last round of chemotherapy, and if all went according to plan, they would get the news he was in remission soon. It was the second go at cancer for him, but he was a fighter. They all were. They had to be.

It felt too familiar. Dad got sick. Tae came home. Tae took care of things until his dad got better. Some people might have been bitter at the circumstances. Oddly, Tae felt at peace with it. It had always been his choice to do it. He just hoped and prayed they wouldn’t be in the situation again and that his dad stayed healthy this time.

But Tae wasn’t sure where that would leave him.

Tae crossed the street to the Songs’ house. Their grass was cut low and the hedges perfectly landscaped, just like his parents’ house. They should be, since Tae’s mom nagged him to take care of both yards the other day before the big family gathering they were having for Grandma Song’s eightieth birthday party. Their families had been neighbors for almost thirty years, since before Tae was even born. The house looked exactly the same as it had in all his memories, except all the cars had been upgraded. Especially the sleek new Porsche Cayenne parked in front.

It had to be Julia’s. The Songs’ only, and very successful, daughter and the object of all of Tae’s childhood fantasies. The hot babysitter. The older woman.

Tae was such a cliché when it came to his kinks, apparently.

Most of Tae’s memories as a kid had Julia’s easy smiles and sparkling eyes in them. But he hadn’t really seen her in years, except for brief moments in passing when she visited her parents. In fact, the last time he saw her was at the launch party for her company four years ago. And Starlight had taken off since then. She was busy being a big shot entrepreneur and launching her way to success. Her life was flashy like her cars. Not a lot of opportunity for their lives to cross paths.

Tae knocked on the door and could hear the loud conversations happening inside. When no one came to answer, he opened it slightly and peeked his head in. The sounds of the crowd were coming from the kitchen and dining room. For those that didn’t know better, it might seem like an angry mob arguing. But to Tae, it sounded like family, no matter how small or large.

“Hello?” When no one answered, Tae continued farther into the house.

He passed by the dark bathroom where the door was open. But the sound of rustling got his attention, and he tried to quickly turn away as he noticed Grandmother Song pulling up her undergarments. Now, that was something he wasn’t going to be able to erase from his memory anytime soon. Honestly, why have doors if you weren’t going to—

“Ah, Taehyung-ah. You came! Good, good, you’re exactly who I wanted to see. Come with me.”

Tae looked around, hoping someone would come to his rescue. He loved the Song family but was not prepared for some awkward conversation with the elder family leader.

She sat down in the armchair and directed Tae to sit across from her on the sofa. He put down the food and took a seat.

“Happy birthday, Halmoni. Are you enjoying your party?” Tae asked.

“Yes, it was very nice. Life is good. And your father, is he doing well? I hear that he just finished his last treatment. Have you been able to handle the problems with the medical bills?”

That’s one thing Tae would never be able to get over: that oversharing among the Korean community was a thing. And there were never any secrets among them. How his family dealt with their finances was his problem. He didn’t appreciate his mother telling everyone else about his failures. Tae would pick up some more odds and ends jobs, and he’d have to convince his brother, somehow, to come through with the rest.

“Yes, everything will be fine, I’m sure.”

“You’ll stay in Irvine until everything is settled.” It wasn’t a question. Yet, in Tae’s mind it was the one thing he’d been asking himself for weeks.

“I’m staying for now, but I will eventually need to go back to Chicago,” he said. Saying it out loud brought back the familiar pressure of having to get back to his life, a life he wasn’t sure he wanted anymore, or ever did for that matter.

“Just to get your things,” she said.

Tae opened his mouth to respond . . .

“Good. Listen,” she said, leaning in closer to Tae. Grandma Song smelled like she’d dipped into the liquor cabinet. And though her eyes were cloudy with cataracts, she still was focused as a laser on him. “I have a job for you.”

During his time back home, in order to stay busy and to make some extra money for his family, Tae had become the go-to guy among the Korean community in Irvine for just about any need. He was good with his hands. He could mow lawns, fix water heaters, unclog drains, build Ikea shelving units, translate documents. He helped people who didn’t have anyone else who could. This was the kind of stuff that made him feel needed and appreciated. Not his boring middle-management office job back in Chicago.

“Sure, of course. I’m happy to help. If I don’t know how to do it, I’ll figure it out. But you won’t need to pay me.” Tae had learned the game. The more he refused payment, the harder they’d insist on paying even more.

“Oh no, I will pay you quite generously. I have a lot of money saved, and nowhere and nothing more important to spend it on than this.”

Tae was intrigued.

Grandma Song leaned to look over Tae’s shoulder, making sure they were not within earshot of anyone else. “You’ve dated lots of girls.”

Tae’s mouth dropped open. He wasn’t sure what kind of gossip Grandma Song had heard about him. Sure, he’d had his share of relationships. But nothing serious.

“Um, I wouldn’t say a lot—”

“And they’ve all gone on to marry someone after you.”

Ouch, the jabs just kept on coming. Was this his reputation? The guy girls dated before they got married? I mean, there was Graci Im. And Jessica Yi. And Sarah Hong. Oh, and Grace Yoon . . .

“Halmoni, I’m not sure what you’re asking of me,” Tae said.

“It’s quite simple, really. I need you to help my Julia with her love life.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Tae had clearly heard her wrong.

“Julia. I need you to help her. Date her so she can find the one she will marry.”

“You want to pay me? To date Julia? Halmoni, I don’t think I can help with that. Julia and I are just friends.” Tae swallowed down his nerves.

He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. Sure, Julia was amazing. Who wouldn’t be interested? But he wasn’t lying to her grandmother. There had never been anything between them. Mostly because they were just kids, and Julia had never seen him as anything other than a little brother type.

Now that they were adults, Julia had skyrocketed way out of Tae’s league. There was no way she’d even think twice about him.

“There is no just before friends. Friendship is one of the most valuable relationships in our lives. It’s where we learn to trust. Where we learn to love.”

That was a lovely sentiment, but still, there was no way. Tae hadn’t spoken to Julia in years. And aside from that, Julia, self-assured and self-contained, would most definitely not be on board with this scenario. “Does Julia even know you’re asking this of me?”

“Tae, you said that if you didn’t know how to do something, you could figure it out. You can help her so she can see exactly what she needs, like you did for the other girls.”

It was the most unconventional, out-of-left-field job offer he’d ever received.

“I’m sorry, Halmoni, but I don’t think I can do this for you. I hate to disappoint you, but this isn’t a job that I’m able to accept.”

“Think it over, and then you can tell me how much money you want later.” Grandma Song slapped his face two times gently. “You’re a good boy, Tae. I know I can count on you. Also, I’d like you to drive me to the herbalist tomorrow.” She stood up with no further information or details. Tae was stunned into silence, unable to figure out what to respond to first.

“I want to eat my birthday cake now. That’s enough for today.”

And just like that, Halmoni got up and walked away. No more discussion. No more questions. Tae watched as she clasped her hands behind her back and slowly returned to the others.

Leaving Tae to wonder what he had just gotten himself into.

Tae needed to think over what Grandma Song had just asked him to do. He wasn’t sure he could do it, to be honest.

What surprised him was that anyone thought that Julia Song needed help at all. He had always thought of her as so capable, in control of any and every situation. She ran her own company, for goodness’ sake. She was smart, successful, charming, and gorgeous. So why would her grandmother want to pay Tae to date her? Even if Julia was having trouble finding a partner, there were certainly more impressive guys than Tae to ask.

Tae had, of course, heard the rumor before—that he had the reputation for being the guy a girl dates before finding The One. But that was ridiculous. Figures that the only thing people found worthy about Tae was some made-up magical power or charm. He shook his head just thinking about how absurd Korean superstitions could be. It wasn’t hard to figure out. Tae treated women well, with respect. And since he was never going to be anyone’s idea of marriage material, what without a big title and a retirement fund, it was more likely he ended up helping women work out what they really did want in a future partner.

That must be what Grandma Song was hoping for with Julia.

Tae would never understand Korean grandmothers. He’d lost both of his when he was still a child. But Grandma Song was everyone’s halmoni in the neighborhood, highly revered and beloved. He knew he couldn’t possibly turn her down.

The sounds from the kitchen grew louder, and Tae caught a glimpse of Grandma Song reaching for an almost empty makgeolli bottle and draining the contents straight into her mouth while no one was looking.

He needed to escape before he got roped into any more odd requests.

Tae quickly put his shoes on and headed home. He’d have to think more about it. No one said no to Halmoni, ever. So he’d just have to figure out another way.

As he was crossing the street, he heard the cries.

“Why? Why? Why?”

He thought it was an injured coyote at first. But when he looked to his left, he saw her. Sitting in the small neighborhood park next to their houses, on the swings . . . was Julia. Speak of the devil.

“Why? Why? Why?”

Tae walked over to see her almost collapsed into the small leather seat, a chain in each hand, haphazardly pushing herself, jerking her body into various directions on the swing.

“Julia?”

“Why? Why? Why?”

He came a little closer. “Julia? Are you . . . Are you okay?”

Her red-rimmed eyes looked up from underneath her bangs. She squinted as if the face in front of her would be clearer, cocking her head from one side to the other, trying to make out who he was. Julia reared her head back as her entire face opened up with recognition. “Taehyung?” she said in a relieved whisper, a small smile blooming. “Hi, stranger.”

The way she greeted him was both sweet and sexy, and it was as if Tae was a kid again, standing in slack-jawed awe at his beautiful neighbor.

He took a quick breath to steady himself and tucked his lips in under his teeth, hiding his smile. He knelt down in front of the swing. “Hi, Julia. You doing all right?”

She shook her head slowly. “I had wine. And makgeolli. Winegeolli.” She giggled. “I’m . . . I’m . . . drunk.”

Ahhhh, yeah. That was it.

“And screwed,” she added.

“I’m sorry?”

She stood up abruptly, swaying with the movement, and Tae grabbed her elbow to help steady her. “I said, I’m drunk and screwed. Drunk and screwed. Drunk and screwed.”

Tae tried not to laugh. The amazing Julia Song, CEO and altogether badass . . . a hilarious drunk.

“What happened, Julia? Why are you screwed?”

Julia looked up into Tae’s eyes and slapped a hand on his cheek, moving his head from side to side as if trying to determine if he was real. “Taehyung Kim. You don’t look fifteen anymore.”

“That’s because I’m twenty-five,” he said with a smile. “And you can just call me Tae now. Only the grandmas call me Taehyung.” He felt a bit like when he was just a preteen and couldn’t string words together when talking to Julia.

“Tae,” she sighed.

Tae ignored how he was very into hearing her say his name like that. Chill, Tae. You’re not a lovestruck teenager anymore. And this is an inebriated woman. Off-limits in every way.

“Tae, I did something I’m gonna really regret. And now—” a tear welled up in her eye, and Tae was mesmerized, watching, waiting for it to fall “—I have to pay the price.”

“What is it? Maybe I can help. You’re worrying me.” Tae had almost never seen the mighty Julia Song cry, not even when she broke her arm falling out of the huge olive tree in his backyard when she was thirteen. It was Tae, the small eight-year-old who’d cried for her instead.

He shook her gently, only just realizing that he’d grabbed both of her arms in his hands. Her skin was covered in goose bumps, and Tae rubbed his hands along them to warm her up.

“I, I . . . oh God, I promised my grandmother I’d get married. Do you know how impossible that is? And I was so out of sorts, I agreed to let my family help me find someone to marry.” She kept saying the words as if they were foreign to her.

“Short legs. Too old. Healthy head. H Mart discount.” She started sobbing and buried her face in Tae’s chest. “I wanted Hyun Bin, but I’m gonna end up with a Korean Danny Devito.”

Understanding hit him. So this was why her grandmother wanted Tae’s help. Julia had made a promise, and Halmoni was gonna help her keep it.

“Wow, um, okay. It’s okay. It can’t be that bad. It won’t be. So you’ll go on a few dates with guys your parents know. It won’t be awful. And who knows, maybe you’ll end up liking one of them.”

It actually did sound kind of awful. He hated the pressure in the Korean community to be set up by your family once you hit a certain age if you were still single. Your entire self-worth put on display like a laundry list of redeeming qualities. But he wasn’t going to tell a drunk and upset woman that.

“It doesn’t matter who they set me up with. It will end badly.”

“You don’t know that. Not until you give it a chance.”

“No, really.” Julia leaned in, her whisper loud enough to set all the neighborhood dogs barking. “I am really, really bad at dating.” Julia pulled out of Tae’s hold. She kept her eyes on the ground, trying to hide behind her hair. “I don’t like bowling shirts. Or bad cologne. I say whatever I’m thinking. And it never ends well. I’m just too much to handle, I guess.” She dramatically threw her head back, looking up into the sky, raising her fists and shaking them. “Did you hear that, world? I’m thirty and single and suck at dating. Mr. Malibu said that I, Julia Song, am undateable.” She dropped her head, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Wanna hear a secret? He wasn’t the only one to call me that.”

Well, those guys sounded like dicks.

“Julia, it can’t be that bad,” Tae said, trying to reassure her.

“Oh no, Tae, it’s that bad. I make sure of it,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

She collapsed back down in the seat, head lolling from side to side.

“Instead of worrying if I’m too much for someone, I make sure of it that I am. Before I see it in his eyes that he is intimidated by my success, I bury him with it instead. Do you think I like making men cry, Tae? I don’t! But it’s better to be too much than not enough.”

He wasn’t quite sure what she was talking about, but he was certain she would regret having opened up like this once she was sober. He just needed to get Julia home and pump some water into her before she passed out and woke up with a killer hangover.

“Any man would be lucky to date you. You just have to find someone you feel comfortable being yourself around. Who finds your honesty refreshing and funny. Who celebrates your success. Who appreciates all the hard work and sacrifice you’ve put in for your company and for your family.”

“Well, I don’t think such a man exists. But if he does, it’s up to them,” she said, throwing her head back toward her house. “They gotta find him. I gotta try and not scare him away. Gonna ask my coach how to do that.”

“Your coach?”

“My Pilates—no, my executive—no, my . . . one of them. One of my coaches. They’ll help me figure out how to date a man successfully and to win his heart just long enough so that my parents can stay in Irvine and my grandmother can live forever.”

Tae furrowed his brow, completely lost by Julia’s train of thought.

“This will all be okay, I promise. We’ll figure it out.”

Julia looked back up at Tae. “Hey, when did you grow up?” she slurred.

He reached out and held her chin in his hand to steady her. He looked her in the eyes and watched as hers widened. “I’ve been grown, Julia,” he said, his voice a near growl.

“Oh,” she sighed, holding her mouth in the shape of the word, looking at him as if searching for some answer she couldn’t quite reach.

She pulled her head back from his hand and furrowed her brow. “Hey, why don’t you call me noona anymore? I’m still older than you. Don’t be rude.”

And there it was, little-brother-zoned once again. “Sorry, Julia noona.”

She smiled and nodded, satisfied. But just as quickly the smile disappeared.

Julia suddenly reached out and grabbed his arm with an intensity that surprised him. “Remember when I was given the solo in the Christmas musical, even though I couldn’t hold a tune, and you practiced every single note with me until I got it right because you wouldn’t let me fail?” she whispered.

Tae swallowed back the sudden emotion in his throat. He couldn’t believe Julia remembered that. He was only nine years old at the time but could see exactly what was going on. She was so scared she’d embarrass herself and her family. But too stubborn and hell-bent on being awarded the honor of the solo to turn it down. They’d worked for weeks, Tae on the piano training her ear to get each note right.

“Promise me you won’t let me fail,” she said, a single tear running down her cheek.

Tae rubbed his thumb across her skin, wiping it away. “It’s all gonna be okay,” he assured her. “I promise. Now, let’s get you inside. It’s starting to get cold.”

He wasn’t sure how he was going to do it, but he was gonna keep his promise.

She nodded slowly, stood up, and leaned into the warmth of Tae’s body.

He wrapped an arm around her and walked her home.

4
Dating Coach

Julia

Julia had a killer hangover.

She wasn’t a big drinker in the first place, but mixing alcohols and using liquor to dull the stress of bad decisions was not a good idea. Noted.

She’d woken up in her childhood bedroom with her clothes from yesterday still on, her makeup melted down her face, likely taking residence in all her pores, and the taste of death in her mouth. She barely remembered anything from the night before.

“My dying wish . . .”

Julia groaned as she rolled out of bed, wishing she had forgotten all of it.

Despite having a to-do list a mile long and needing to get back to LA to take care of it, Julia was up and at ’em at eight in the morning on a Sunday, ready to take her grandma to the herbalist before church, per her request. She wasn’t going to miss out on any other appointments regarding her halmoni’s health. She would be at every single one to hear the details and plan next steps.

Dying wish. As if. Not on her watch.

Julia’s shower was cut way too short by the blast of cold water against her skin. Her parents hadn’t gotten the water heater fixed like they were supposed to. Julia would have to be the one to call someone tomorrow, as it was clear just handing a phone number of someone to her parents wasn’t going to get it done.

“Julia, good, you’re awake and ready. Let’s go outside.” Her grandmother was dressed in her Sunday best, a floral linen top over pink polyester pants, the elastic waistband rolled over two times to shorten the length. She had on mismatched socks, and one of the gift-wrap bows from a birthday present she’d unwrapped last night was pinned to her lapel. She was perfection. Julia gave her a kiss on the head before heading out.

As they walked through the front yard, Julia took out the keys to her new Porsche and beeped it unlocked. She dug through her tote bag, looking for her sunglasses and lip balm. She’d need both to get through this day.

“Thank you so much for driving me today,” her grandmother said.

“No problem,” Julia said.

“No problem,” a male voice said at the same time.

Julia whipped her head up at the unexpected sound of another person in their conversation—just in time to see her grandmother crossing the quiet residential street heading straight for their neighbor’s house and the car parked in the driveway. And standing there waiting for her was a tall, broad, very handsome man in a gray T-shirt and jeans.

Julia pulled down her sunglasses to get a better look and then quickly crossed the street to chase down her halmoni.

“Good morning, Tae.”

“Good morning, Halmoni. How’s it going, Julia?”

“Uh, hi,” she answered. Tae. Tae. Tae Kim. Taehyung Kim. The kid across the street. The man in the playground in her dream last night. Wait, what?

“Halmoni, we need to get going if we’re gonna hit up the herbalist before you all leave for church. Where is his store?” Julia walked up and took hold of her grandmother’s arm, gently trying to direct her back across the street toward her car.

“Tae’s driving us,” Halmoni said.

She bent down to whisper into Halmoni’s ear. “Why? I thought I was taking us?”

She looked back up at Tae who leaned against the car, waiting with the door open.

“Thank you, but you don’t have to come. I’ve got this,” she said to him. She hadn’t seen Taehyung Kim in years. But Julia had the oddest feeling, almost like a hazy memory, that she’d just talked to him recently. She was truly hungover.

“Good to see you again, too,” he said with a smile. “And your grandma asked me to take her, so why don’t you guys get in and we can go. As you mentioned, we don’t have a lot of time, and it’ll take us at least fifteen minutes to get to Garden Grove.”

No fair, he already knew where the herbalist was located.

“Tae will drive, and Julia will come along and pay for the herbs. It’s settled. I need you both. Let’s go.” Her grandmother shuffled past Julia and sat in the car behind the front passenger seat as Tae shut the door. He grabbed the handle of the front door and opened it for Julia.

Julia was not at the top of her game this morning and did not have the energy to argue. But this all seemed a little overkill. Why would Halmoni ask the neighbor to drive her when Julia was right here?

Julia got in and put on the seat belt.

“Good morning, Julia.”

She yelped as she realized there was another person in the car in the back seat with her grandmother.

“Oh, uh, annyeonghaseyo” she said, bowing awkwardly to Mrs. Kim, Tae’s mom. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were in the car.”

“Yes, it was fortuitous that Tae was taking your grandmother to the medicine store today because we needed some things too. I read in the Korean newspaper about a tea that helps with constipation. I’ve been wanting to try it. And, of course, we have to get our herbs that help the body fight the cancer for Tae’s dad.”

“No need to recite our shopping list, Mom,” Tae teased. He reached his right arm behind Julia’s seat, leaning her way as he looked over his shoulder and backed out of the driveway. God, he smelled good. Fresh, clean, like soap and a perfect spring day. Julia needed to figure out what the combo was for future product testing. She wanted to bury her face in his neck and take another whiff.

Julia probably still had the smell of makgeolli and regrets coming out of her pores, despite the shower she took this morning. She leaned away from Tae, just in case.

As the two women talked in the back seat, it suddenly occurred to Julia that maybe her grandma’s urgent need to get to the herb shop today might also have to do with the something the doctor found at her last visit. The increasing tightness in her chest signaled an oncoming panic episode. She placed her hand over it and rubbed.

“Hi.”

The deep voice and kind greeting pulled Julia from her darkening thoughts. She looked over at the driver, Tae, amazed at how much he’d changed. His body had definitely filled out, and the softness in his face had been replaced by sharper, chiseled lines and angles. Grown. Different, yet so familiar, as if she’d just seen him yesterday, though it had to have been years since they last talked.

“Hi,” she said back. “Sorry about the mix-up this morning. I don’t know why Halmoni would bother you on a Sunday to take her when I already planned to.”

“No worries. We were already planning on going, so it’s no inconvenience.” He spoke with authority and confidence and warmth. He seemed so much older than she’d remembered.

“I can’t get over how much you’ve grown.”

Tae cocked his head and furrowed his brow, as a confused but amused smile spread across his face.

Something about this whole conversation felt . . . familiar. Did he feel that too?

“I was so sorry to hear when your dad got sick again. But my mom tells me he’s in remission and doing well? It’s so good to hear,” Julia said.

“We got your flowers and the amazing gift basket. That was really thoughtful. But yeah, he’s doing okay. Pretty proud to call himself a two-time cancer survivor. Not gonna lie, though. I’d be happy if he left it at that and lived the rest of his life healthy.”

Julia listened and nodded. She wondered what it took to survive cancer not just once but twice. She looked back at her grandmother talking animatedly with Mrs. Kim. She’s a fighter. She’d survive whatever it was she was facing. Right?

Julia needed to get on the phone tomorrow with the doctor’s office and see if they could get the follow-up appointment scheduled sooner rather than later. All this waiting around and not knowing was rough.

“Is there really something at the herb shop that works on cancer?” Julia wondered out loud.

Tae shook his head. “Pain management and just general health. My mom swears by some of the concoctions the herbalist puts together. I just think whatever keeps them positive and hopeful when they’re sick is worth it.”

Julia didn’t expect the lump forming in her throat. She would need to brace herself for whatever came their way. And try to stay as positive as Tae. “That’s a great way to look at it,” she said.

She liked him. She made a note to herself to make sure to be better at keeping in touch this time.

The dark, dingy little store tucked away in the corner of a run-down strip mall surprised Julia. “Are you sure everything they sell here is legal?” she whispered under her breath.

She not only heard the deep chuckle from behind her as she walked through the front door . . . she felt it.

“Hello, my friend. Welcome, good to see you,” the tiny old man said as soon as he saw Julia’s grandmother.

“No time for chitchat, Mr. Choi. We’re in a hurry and need a lot of things.” Halmoni passed over a wrinkled piece of scrap paper with Hangul characters scribbled haphazardly all over every inch. “I’ll need all of this,” she instructed.

“And I’ll need this.” Tae’s mom passed over her own list, hers much neater and seemingly more organized.

“Yes, yes, I’ll get on this,” the old herbalist said.

“What are you getting?” Julia asked her grandmother.

“Just some usual ingredients. And a few new ones to try.”

Her grandmother, once a famous herbalist herself back in Korea, still dabbled in medicinal recipes apparently. Growing up, Julia would listen to her stories about how she’d healed many illnesses by coming up with just the right concoction to help people. Julia often wondered how much regret was buried down deep in her grandmother’s heart having given it all up to marry her grandfather.

Julia walked around the small store, peeking at jars filled with dried and preserved plant life. She gently dragged her fingers across the small drawers of the apothecary cabinets against the walls. The place reminded her a little of their storage shed where Halmoni stored a lot of her things. Julia remembered as a child spending time with her grandmother, grasping the bronze drawer pulls, wondering what treasures each of them held. It was also the inspiration for some of the design of Julia’s own office where she displayed Starlight’s current product line in a refurbished Korean yakchang, or medicine cabinet, over a hundred years old.

“Mom, stop, you’re gonna hurt yourself. Let me,” Tae said as he reached up to grab his mother something from one of the top shelves. Julia watched as Tae’s shirt rose along with his outstretched arm, revealing a smooth strip of skin and a V-line groove over his hips leading down into the waistband of his jeans.

“Your mouth is open. Are you a mouth breather? If you’re having trouble with your sinuses, magnolia flower will help with that,” the herbalist said to Julia.

Julia quickly snapped her mouth shut.

“Do you need anything else from up here?” Tae asked. Julia hadn’t met anyone who seemed as in tune with even the smallest needs of others around him, especially his mother, as Tae.

Julia felt exasperated by her parents and grandmother at times. But she understood to her core what it felt like to want and need and have the pressure on you to look after them. She did so more in a financial sense, while Tae seemed to do it with his physical presence.

“Mr. Choi, also add some poria mushrooms, chrysanthemum, and ginseng from the southern regions.”

“That combination will make a strong base. Use it in moderation.”

“Yah, I know what I’m doing. I know more than you, old man,” Halmoni said.

“I’m just saying, be careful. What are you trying to concoct?” Mr. Choi asked, clearly unaware that he was very close to getting his head bitten off by her grandmother.

Halmoni’s attention moved directly to Tae. “Maybe something for virility,” she said. Then to Julia, “And something for fertility.”

Tae’s eyes widened as Julia began to cough and choke. Mrs. Kim patted her back to get her to breathe.

“Halmoni!” Julia yelled between coughs.

“Oh, and yam root. I need yam root,” she called back to Mr. Choi. “Yam root is necessary to calm nerves. My Julia is going on a dating spree of sorts,” Halmoni announced. “She will be meeting many eligible bachelors, and she can’t be a nervous wreck.”

“Halmoni!” Julia yelled again. “Stop oversharing. No one is interested in this.”

“Is that so?” Mrs. Kim asked, seeming very much interested.

“Mother,” Tae warned.

Julia’s face and neck flushed. She was mortified. And this store did not have enough air circulation happening. “This is between family,” she said through gritted teeth.

“The Kims are family,” Halmoni replied.

Julia looked up and faced Mrs. Kim’s hopeful expression and Tae’s amused one. “Um, yes, so this is happening,” Julie stuttered. “I will be set up by my family for . . . reasons.” She turned and glared at her grandmother. “So bring on all the herbs,” Julia announced to Mr. Choi. “Anything that can work in some way. You got a love potion back there? A tea to cause temporary memory loss? I can use all the help I can get.”

Her grandmother’s ears perked up as if those very things sounded like the best idea. She grabbed Mr. Choi and led him to the back shelves, Mrs. Kim eagerly following.

“So, I’m mortified,” she said to Tae.

“Don’t be,” Tae said. “You’re neither the first nor the last to be set up by your family.”

“I guess that’s true. But I’m not really good at this, the whole dating thing. So if it’s gonna be announced to the entire Korean community across Orange County—”

“And likely LA and possibly San Diego,” Tae added.

“Then, kill me now. Bury me right here in the back of Mr. Choi’s store.” Julia dropped her head to her chest, running her hands through her hair. “I really do need to look into getting a dating coach,” she said, talking to herself.

“I’ll do it.”

Julia popped her head up. “Do what?”

“I’ll be your dating coach,” Tae answered.

“Are you certified in some way?” she said and chuckled. It was all so embarrassing and so ridiculous.

But Tae’s expression was serious. “I’ve . . . dated . . . a lot. And I’m good with people. And I know how to help you,” he said with a shrug.

“You’ve dated a lot?” Julia didn’t want to be curious. It wasn’t her business. But if she was going to hire Tae as a coach, she should know his dating history, right? Who? When? How long? Current status?

“Enough to know what makes a good time,” he said. The easy smile was back on his face.

Julia swallowed. It really was getting hot in this freaking store.

“I take coaching very seriously,” Julia said.

Tae stepped in closer and looked down into Julia’s eyes. “I’m certain you do. And so do I.”

Why did everything he said feel like it needed a soundtrack of Bruno Mars playing in the background?

“Plus, I made a promise . . .”

“Promise me you won’t let me fail.” The words like a distant echo.

“Wait, did you? Did we? Yesterday? At the playground?” Hazy memories were starting to take clearer shape in Julia’s head.

“Okay, we got everything we need. Let’s hurry so we’re not late for church.” Halmoni carried a brown paper bag and handed it to Tae to carry. “Tae, you’ll drop us off there and then take Julia back to her car?” her grandmother asked.

Julia was too embarrassed to ride alone with Tae, the hazy memories of a drunken conversation on a swing set just starting to come back to her.

“No, um, I mean, why don’t you just take us all home, and I’ll drive you ladies to church from there. You must be very busy, Tae. And anyways, it’s my turn for a good deed.” Julia handed her credit card over to Mr. Choi to pay for the herbs and looked anywhere and everywhere except at Tae.

“Sure, whatever you want, Julia,” Tae said. “And I’ll call you later to discuss when and where we start our coaching,” he whispered into her ear.

“Um, okay, I look forward to it,” she said back, uncertain what she’d just gotten herself into.

5
Brunch

Julia

“Oh no, Julia. I’m so sorry, honey. It’ll all be okay,” Sonia offered in her kind, gentle way.

Julia, Sonia, and Rachel were sitting at their regular table facing the ocean at Water Grill for Sunday brunch, a tradition they’d started once they graduated from college and had paychecks to afford the luxury. Even if luxury initially meant meeting up at IHOP in the early days.

It had been a week since her grandmother dropped the bomb on her about her illness. Halmoni’s next appointment wasn’t for a few weeks, so Julia was left with her worst fears taking root in her head. Her inclination was to bury herself under her covers and hide from the world. But her friends would not allow it.

“Julia, don’t invite worry. Everything is still unknown right now. No use in fretting over something that might not even be the worst-case scenario,” Rachel said in her contrasting no-nonsense way.

It was what Julia was so grateful for about her two best friends. Sonia approached everything with the utmost care and concern. Rachel was all logic and practicality. She needed to hear both sides today.

“Thanks, guys. I’m trying to be strong for my halmoni, but . . .” Julia stopped and pressed her lips together to push back the swell of emotion “. . . I’m scared.”

“I bet your halmoni is taking the news like a baller. Unfazed, amiright?” Rachel asked.

“Well, she’s definitely trying to take care of all her unfinished business,” Julia agreed.

“What do you mean?” Sonia asked.

“Well, the way she told me she was sick was by saying that it was her dying wish for me to find the love of my life.” Julia let out a huff.

“Whoa,” Sonia whispered.

“I hate to say it, but whether imminently dying or one-day dying, it’s just like a Korean halmoni to use the news to lay on the guilt trip,” Rachel said.

“Rachel! Don’t say something like that.” Sonia swatted at Rachel’s arm just as she was putting the olive from her Bloody Mary into her mouth.

“Hey, easy. Choking hazard here. I’m not trying to be heartless. I’m just sayin’ . . .”

“It’s fine. Rachel’s right,” Julia said. “But that’s not all. I was in such a haze after she dropped the bomb that I immediately turned around and asked my family to help set me up. To find me eligible bachelors to date to find a partner.”

“Oh shit, you sold your soul,” Rachel gasped.

“I mean, I limited it to three dates. I won’t be put through the torture forever. But I panicked.”

From the moment her grandmother had dropped the bomb, Julia had fretted, a tennis match of stress volleying back and forth between worrying about her grandmother’s health and worrying about the health of her dating life. Obviously the two did not compare, but the combination did a number on Julia’s acid reflux.

“I can’t believe you finally did it. You agreed to let your family set you up.” Sonia’s voice carried an alarming amount of glee. “I don’t actually think it’s the worst idea, to be honest. Julia, you haven’t had the best luck with men. No offense,” she added, patting Julia on the shoulder. “What could it hurt, right? It’s only three dates.”

“Sure, but just because she’s not doing the choosing, she still has to be the one to go on these dates. And that’s where it gets tricky for our tortured heroine.” Rachel looked from Julia to Sonia. “Oh, I’m supposed to add no offense here, right?”

Julia cut into her brioche French toast and dipped a piece into the warm bourbon maple syrup. She peeked to see a hopeful look on Sonia’s face. A contrast to the skeptical look on Rachel’s. Just as expected. Julia didn’t know what to think. Was it really not a big deal, or was it the biggest deal ever?

“Oh God.” Julia dropped her fork and put her head into her hands. “My grandmother thinks I’m magically gonna find a partner after three dates. Of their choosing. There’s just no way.”

“We’re gonna need some mimosas over here,” Rachel said to the server.

“Don’t worry about the end game just yet. Focus on these setups. Who knows? Anything could happen. You could meet the man of your dreams.” Sonia’s excitement and positivity were at a fever pitch.

“If you break out into a song and dance, I will never speak to you again,” Julia said.

“Anyways, um, shall we bring up the elephant in the room?” Sonia asked.

“Oh, I’m so glad you mentioned it before I had to. Sonia, honey, did you mean to leave the house wearing those things?” Rachel asked, pointing to Sonia’s feet. “Haven’t I told you to always have an emergency pair of cute shoes in the car?”

“What’s wrong with my Birkenstocks?”

“Well, they’re not even the decently cute white ones. They’re just two tan straps with buckles attached to a corkboard,” Rachel answered.

“I like them,” Julia chimed in, head still in her hands. “They’re comfortable and, despite the aesthetic limitations, have managed to remain remarkably relevant in fashion.”

“You’re both doing this to incite me, I see. I won’t bite. I won’t peel off my fake lashes in rage like last time we had this conversation,” Rachel said.

Julia reached her hand across the table, and Sonia met it in a high five.

“Anyways, the elephant I was going to bring up is that if your family is setting you up, there’s a decent chance they’ll know the guy’s family as well,” Sonia suggested.

“That’s a good point. So it’s not only your reputation on the line, it’s theirs too.” Rachel’s words were not helping Julia’s nerves.

Julia didn’t do well in normal social situations. Suddenly the added pressure of not embarrassing her parents made her want to wave the white flag.

“I actually think this is a good thing. These parents likely know you and who you are. The moms are probably foaming at the mouth for their sons to marry The Julia Song. So when things go south—” Rachel’s yelp stopped her statement in its tracks. “Why’d you kick me?” she said to Sonia.

Sonia’s eyes widened in an unspoken warning.

“What I meant was if things go south,” Rachel said and widened her eyes back at Sonia, “then they’ll likely blame their sons for ruining their dreams of a lavish wedding and free products for life. It’ll never be your fault. You’re in the clear.”

Sonia reached over and grabbed Julia’s hand. “We’re not trying to freak you out. Just go and have fun, with an open mind. What’s the worst that can happen?” Sonia asked.

Julia groaned. “Oh, I don’t know . . . I disappoint my grandmother and break her heart. Or I shame my parents’ good names, and they’re banished to a small town with no other Koreans and bemoan the lack of good cabbage in the area’s farm stands.”

“Well, that took a turn,” Rachel said, her fork holding a piece of her salmon Benedict hanging in midair.

“You should get a coach or something. You love a good coach. Don’t you have, like, ten of them for all your life’s needs?” Sonia asked.

“Do dating coaches even exist? I feel like if they did, there’d be some reality show on Bravo about it already,” Rachel added.

“Funny you should mention this,” Julia said, dreading what she was about to share with her friends. Would they laugh at her? Possibly. But they could also think it was the best idea ever. At this point, what did Julia have to lose anyway? She needed all the help she could get. “I may have already asked my young neighbor to be my dating coach,” she admitted.

“Which young neighbor? The one who sells the Girl Scout Cookies? Or the one who won the high-school spelling bee last year?” Sonia’s family were third-generation Irvine Koreans. They knew everyone.

“Taehyung, the kid across the street,” Julia said.

“Wait, do you mean Tae Kim?” Sonia’s voice was excited with recognition.

“Yeah, Tae Kim,” she said.

Julia took the last bite of French toast, swirled it around in the decadent syrup, and put it in her mouth. She grabbed her coffee and took a sip to wash it down. She looked out at the ocean, one of the best outdoor seating views of any restaurant on the Westside. She mentally reviewed the entire next year’s marketing plan. She grew ten new gray hairs . . .

It had been awfully quiet for way too many moments.

Julia slowly brought her gaze back to the table. Both friends sat, elbows down, faces cradled in hands, smiling, staring.

“What?” Julia asked.

“You saw Tae Kim,” they said in unison.

“Yeah, why?”

“Be-still-my-heart Tae Kim?” Sonia said.

“Body-made-by-the-gods Tae Kim?” Rachel chimed in.

“Voice-to-make-my-panties-melt Tae Kim?”

“You-can-see-everything-in-those-jeans Tae Kim?”

“Jesus, you two are frightening. Throw some cold water on your faces and don’t come back to this conversation with smut on the brain,” Julia said. “Wait, how do you guys even know him?”

“We met him at Starlight’s launch party four years ago,” Rachel said. “I still think of him in that—”

“Gray suit.” Sonia’s voice joined in with Rachel’s.

Julia didn’t remember Tae being at her launch party. Though, that was a really overwhelming night with so many people there to wish her well. But she’d seen the all-grown Tae Kim with her own eyes. She could understand the appeal.

“And your neighbor is most definitely not a kid,” Rachel said.

“Everyone in Orange County knows about Tae Kim,” Sonia went on. “The very hot guy with the heart of gold. The one who came home to take care of his sick dad. The one who offers to do anything and everything for those who need it.”

“The one who Sonia caught with his shirt off while he was fixing her parents’ plumbing. Remember her telling us about ev-er-y ripple in that man’s abs? She sent us that picture she snuck of him in his jeans.”

“And his voice,” Sonia added wistfully. “I immediately told James I was adding Tae to my hall pass list.”

It sounded vaguely familiar. But she didn’t realize Sonia was talking about the same gangly young boy Julia had known growing up.

“He’s the talk of the town, Julia. Orange County urban legend is that anyone that’s ever dated Tae has then gone on to get married to their next boyfriend. He treats women so right that they leave knowing what they want and deserve in a husband and attract exactly that.”

“Okay, but if he’s so good, why isn’t he the one that the girl ends up with, huh?” Rachel asked.

“Sadly, he doesn’t have a job and lives in his parents’ basement,” Sonia said.

“Well, I live in LA, not Orange County. And I’ve been busy building a company. I haven’t had time with the hometown gossip. But Tae does have a job, you said so yourself. He helps everyone. That’s pretty admirable, if you ask me. And this is southern California. It’s not a basement—it’s a split level. I used to hang out there when we were kids. It’s huge . . . bigger than most apartments in LA. He’s a catch.”

“So what you’re saying is that you’re interested,” Rachel said.

“No. Absolutely not. I used to babysit him. I fed him, cleaned him, told him to stop picking his nose,” Julia said.

“That’s basically what marriage is,” Sonia countered.

Julia couldn’t hold back the laugh. She shook her head. “Anyways, we took my grandma to the herbalist the other day. And when Halmoni mentioned how I was being set up by my family—much to my mortification—I joked about how I needed a dating coach. And he offered. To help. And before you keep going down the wrong path with this one, he’s way too young. I don’t date younger guys.”

“He is nowhere near too young,” Rachel said, taking a sip of her mimosa. “So what kind of coaching are we talking about?” A knowing smirk danced around her lips.

“We didn’t discuss details. He’ll probably just help me practice for my setups,” Julia explained.

“What do you mean practice?” Rachel asked.

“I don’t know. I guess we go on a test run before the real thing. Work through the kinks, practice the situational conversations . . .”

“Sounds romantic.” Rachel rolled her eyes.

“It’s not meant to be romantic. It’s not a real date.”

“Uh-huh, we’ll see,” Rachel said. “Well, he clearly has some dating experience. And he seems like a decent guy. Good on you for asking for his help,” Rachel said.

“That sounds like heaven,” Sonia sighed. “Tae really is a saint.”

The waiter came by to clear the plates and placed the signed bill in front of Sonia.

“What the heck, Sonia? You did not pull the fake bathroom visit to pay for the bill, did you?”

“I will be very strapped for cash once my home remodeling starts,” Sonia said and shrugged. “I just wanted one last chance to treat you girls to something.”

“Thank you, sweetie,” Rachel said.

“You didn’t have to, but thank you,” Julia said.

“Practice dates couldn’t hurt,” Sonia said as the three of them got up and grabbed their bags. “But I don’t think you should write him off. Tae’s smoking hot and is a genuinely good guy. Why say no to that?”

“Again, he’s too young. We have nothing in common. And, well, if I’ve proven anything, it’s that I suck at all of this. So if he actually is that great of a guy, I’m definitely not the one who should be dating him. We’ll just do some practice rounds, and hopefully he’ll get me into good enough shape so that some other guy will end up stuck with me. Then I’ll compensate him generously for his time and efforts so when all is said and done, we’ll be square.” Julia forced a smile at her friends as she walked in front of them toward the exit . . . which just happened to be the unfortunate spot to very clearly hear their responses.

“Yeah, sure, okay. I mean, what could ever go wrong?” Rachel asked.

“Said no romance novel or K-drama ever,” Sonia added.

Sometimes Julia hated her friends.

6
What about Min?

Tae

We have to talk. Call me Tae. Please.

The message was from his ex-girlfriend, Kari. Though, it could have just as easily been from his landlord. Or his boss. Tae had been avoiding everyone from his life in Chicago because they wanted answers, and he didn’t have them. He’d been back home for two months, which apparently was the expiration date for goodwill from people who demanded your time, your money, your attention. Should he just make it official and cut the ties and start fresh here? But that would leave him single, jobless, and living with his parents. What a life to be proud of.

Tae pulled the too-heavy blanket up over his head. It was late, and he should be out of bed instead of hiding under a stifling blanket fort. But he had no energy and no desire to get up. It was just one of those days where all he wanted to do was stay in bed. He had to be careful of those days.

His phone buzzed, this time an incoming FaceTime call.

Kari.

He and Kari hadn’t even been serious. They both knew it wasn’t working. Maybe it had never really worked at all between them. She couldn’t understand why Tae had to always put family first. Okay, that sounded harsh. Kari wasn’t a monster. She just felt Tae went overboard on what he was willing to sacrifice for his parents. She wasn’t the only one who believed this. But Tae had always been loyal to a fault. And this was what he had to do.

Breaking up with her before leaving to come home had been the right thing to do. But Kari had been having a hard time accepting it. She wanted to talk. She needed closure. Tae couldn’t avoid her forever. If she needed a conversation, she deserved at least that.

Just not right now.

This was the problem with casual relationships. The risk that someone ended up wanting more, something more serious. Tae had never been in that headspace or heart space with Kari.

And she was a reminder that he couldn’t keep all the other things in his life in limbo for much longer.

He threw the blanket off, tapped the green button, closed his eyes for one second, and waited for their faces to both appear on the screen.

“Are you still in bed? It’s, what, almost noon out there?”

And there it was. The sound of judgment of all his life’s choices.

“Um, good morning to you too?” Tae answered.

“It’s not morning, Tae. Not here in Chicago and not there in Irvine.” Kari didn’t look or sound exasperated. Rather, she looked and sounded . . . worried. Damn.

“No, you’re right. I need to get up and at ’em.” Problem was, that was the last thing Tae felt like doing.

“Tae . . .” She let his name drag out. Only hard things were left to say. Questions about what was next . . . for him, for them.

“Taehyung-ah . . .” His mom’s voice came from somewhere upstairs. Saved by the call of a Korean mom in need. Need likely being the need to feed him.

Tae looked over his shoulder toward the sound of his mom’s beckoning. “Kari, can I call you back later? Sounds like my mom needs me.”

Kari let out a deep sigh. “Fine. But don’t forget to call me back, okay? We really need to talk.”

“I won’t. I’ll call you later before it gets too late out there. Bye.” He hung up the phone before she could say anything else.

With his dad in remission, Tae could go back to Chicago. But he had to admit he’d never been happy there. Problem was that Tae didn’t know what he wanted or what would make him happy.

He’d only ever known how to be his family’s caregiver. He’d only ever wanted to work with his hands and fix things, problems. But when his older brother Min helped get him a job offer in some boring office for some boring company all the way out in Chicago, Tae changed course. Because his dad wanted him to take the job. He didn’t want Tae to become just a landscaper like his dad had been his whole life, as if it was something to be ashamed of. Tae hated that his dad felt that way.

Chicago was supposed to be the beginning of his success story. But all the so-called successes in his life’s journey since then—decent-paying job, relationship, nice apartment—had left him unsatisfied and, frankly, unhappy. He never felt like himself out there. It wasn’t that his dad’s cancer was a blessing, but it allowed Tae to end back where he felt most himself, at home taking care of his family.

And yes, he’d tried to Kondo his life and ask himself what brought him joy. For now, the only answer he could find was that simply helping other people brought him joy. He liked being the go-to handyman for all the needs of the community. He liked being the one his parents relied on to translate and organize and schedule all the medical information and the home finances. And he liked feeling needed and appreciated. Neither of which he felt in his previous office job or, honestly, in his relationship.

But none of that fit neatly on a business card.

“Taehyung-ah,” his mom called out again, pulling him from his thoughts.

Tae took the stairs two at a time.

The kitchen always smelled good, no matter what time of day. His mom had pots and pans in various sizes going, and Tae’s stomach grumbled as he looked into the one that looked the spiciest. Doenjang-jjigae, his favorite. Not many loved the fermented soybean paste stew with its overwhelming aroma. But Tae could not get enough. And he liked his spicy the way his mom made it.

“Baegobpa?” his mom asked.

Tae would never turn down his mom’s cooking. Damn, but was he a mama’s boy. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll have just a little as a snack before lunch.”

His mom smiled, the lines around her eyes crinkling. The other lines, the ones on her forehead, the ones built from years of worrying, had gotten a break now that they had the good news about his dad’s health. He had rung the bell on his final round of chemo, and he was finally in remission.

“Tae, can you do something for me?” his mom asked.

“I called the insurance company yesterday and left a message with the billing manager. I’ll have that taken care of. And I ordered Dad’s medication. That will come in the mail in a couple days.”

“Thank you. But I have a different, very important favor to ask of you.”

“Sure, Mom. What is it?” He was ready to spend his upcoming weekend on various projects for people around the neighborhood. It was Tuesday. The requests should be coming in right on schedule. He’d prioritize his mom’s needs first.

“It’s about Min,” she said.

“What about Min?”

“I need you to convince your brother to go on a date with Julia Song.”

Tae almost choked on his spoon.

Tae, of course, knew that every Korean mother of a single male between the ages of thirty and fifty were being summoned and foaming at the mouth trying to get chosen as one of The Lucky Three to be set up with Julia on a date. He just hadn’t expected his own mother to be one of them. Min and Tae weren’t exactly suitable in this situation for various reasons.

His mom continued to stir, not even looking up as she spoke, like this was just a normal request like every other day. “It has taken longer than expected. But now that Julia has finally agreed to let her parents match her with some good Korean men, I think Min would be an excellent choice. The best choice.”

His older brother was an okay dude. He was a lead engineer at Google and made some decent cash. But he’d always kind of been in it for himself. Not really around much helping with family. And not willing to fork over the full amount needed to cover bills. He always insisted on everyone splitting the burden, even though Min was employed, and Tae was barely hanging on to his job. All that, and by the way . . . “But Min has a fiancée, Mom. Have you forgotten about Andrea?”

His mom waved her hand as if that one detail was no matter at all. “Andrea is lovely. But she’s not Korean, Tae. If a better option comes along, we should consider it. And what better option than Julia Song? She is the princess of Irvine, California.”

Tae wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of his mother’s words, except . . . he knew she wasn’t kidding. He tried not to be bothered by the often overly traditional way of thinking of Korean mothers. But sometimes, it was just so asinine.

“Umma . . .”

“We should at least consider it, no?” she said.

“Do not—”

“Just talk to him. See what he thinks. It’s a good idea, but if I bring it up, he will get frustrated. He’s always believed I don’t approve of Andrea,” she said. At least she was self-aware enough to realize that much.

“Why on earth would he think that? Oh, maybe it’s because you’re actively trying to set him up with someone else.”

“Tae, don’t be dramatic.”

Tae shook his head. He couldn’t convince his mother not to go down this road. But he wasn’t going to have any part of it. Plus, if Julia’s family only had three chances with this, Min was not going to make the cut.

And if not Min, well, Tae wasn’t even going to be in consideration. They were likely checking résumés, tax returns, and pay stubs. Still . . . he could have some fun and help Julia along the way. He hadn’t spoken to her since he’d agreed to be her dating coach. He hoped she hadn’t changed her mind. He was actually looking forward to helping her.

He thought back to the job offer Grandma Song made him at her birthday party, asking Tae to date Julia. Did she want Julia to spend time with someone jobless and without a future so she’d get a clearer picture of what she should be avoiding? Was it a lesson for Julia to never settle for something less than the best? Or did Halmoni actually believe Tae had some magical power to deliver women to their future husbands?

Tae tried not to feel offended. Everyone just wanted what was best for Julia, after all. But what about what was best for him? In any case, being Julia’s dating coach, going on practice dates with her, would settle it. He would decline Halmoni’s offer but accept Julia’s. Seemed they ultimately wanted the same thing anyways.

Tae ran back down to his room. With the addition of a couch, a bed, a kitchenette, and a small bathroom, it was now technically his studio apartment. Which wouldn’t be so depressing if it wasn’t the ground floor of his parents’ home where he was living rent free. There was no way of making any of it sound impressive.

Hey, wanna come back to my apartment for some lovin’? We just gotta be quiet so my parents can’t hear. God, just imagining the conversation was enough for Tae never to get hard again.

Tae grabbed his phone and let out a deep breath before activating the screen. He ignored the message waiting for him from Kari and opened a new text message.

Hey there, let me know when you have a quick second he typed.

His phone rang unexpectedly.

He looked down, and it was Julia.

“Hello? That was fast.”

“Hi! Well, I currently have a quick second . . .”

Julia, ever the precise communicator.

“. . . and it was perfect timing. I have a favor to ask of you.”

Seemed everyone needed Tae these days. And it sure didn’t suck to be needed by CEO Julia Song.

“Oh?”

“I’m getting bids on an office renovation, and I’m not exactly sure what some of these line items are about. Our facilities manager is new, and I’d just feel better having a second look-over. My dad says you’ve been doing a lot of this type of work for some of the neighbors. Is this something you could look at for me? I need you if you’re able.”

He didn’t expect Julia’s request to have quite the effect on him that it had. His chest puffed up, and his ego expanded. Just hand him the superhero cape to put on. Julia needed him. He wasn’t about to let her down now.

“Of course. Happy to.”

“Great, can I email them to you?”

“Or better yet . . . I know this is likely a long shot, but I’m gonna be up in LA tomorrow. You’re probably super busy, but I was wondering if you’d be free to grab a coffee in the afternoon? And I can take a look at the estimates then?”

“Like I’d give up a chance to see you outside of the Irvine bubble. No way. I’d love that. It’s been too long. Would two o’clock work?”

“Definitely. I’ll come by your office.”

“Perfect. I’ll have a guest pass waiting for you. And Tae . . .”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Tae had received an I need you and a thanks in one quick phone conversation. These were the small things that made him feel like he wasn’t a lost cause after all.

Tae smiled down at his phone. He might be a stone’s throw away from being unemployed and homeless. But being there for Julia Song, helping her with the things she needed, including prepping for these dates, was going to be fun. And it was exactly the distraction Tae needed right now.

7
A Vegan Ally

Julia

Julia was starting to believe it had all been a really bonkers dream.

She hadn’t heard from her parents or her grandmother in over a week. Maybe she’d gotten it all wrong. Maybe her grandmother hadn’t told her she was dying. Maybe she hadn’t told Julia her impossible last wish of seeing her fall in love. Maybe Julia hadn’t agreed to being set up and asking Tae Kim to be her dating coach.

Except Julia knew it all had happened and she was now stuck in the worst scenario ever. She’d have to succeed at the one thing she was well and truly bad at—dating—to make the person who meant the most to her happy. Failure was not an option.

So she wouldn’t go down without a fight. Julia never shied away from asking for help when she needed it. And though she had to admit asking Tae to be her dating coach was a bruise to her ego, if he could help in any way, then she was going to do whatever it took.

Julia thought back to the boy she’d grown up with. He was always by her side, willing to let her read her books aloud to him or be dressed up in silly costumes by her. He was just . . . there. When had she stopped keeping in touch with Tae? They’d texted and emailed a few times when she was in college. So it was likely when she started Starlight, when she put everything on the line and buried her nose in nothing but work. She had sacrificed a lot in those four years. She just didn’t realize old friendships—Tae—was one of those things. And how could she not remember that he was at her launch party? She was very curious about this much-buzzed-about gray suit, that was for sure.

Julia started to wonder what else she’d unknowingly given up while single-mindedly working toward success. But that would do her no good. She was right where she wanted to be professionally, on the cusp of something huge. If she could make it work. She had to make it work.

And now she was forced to try and make her personal life finally catch up.

It was another incredibly busy day for her. After the Oprah news leaked, the interest in Starlight had spiked with traffic both online and in their stores. The magazine hadn’t even hit newsstands yet, and Julia had been on the phone most all of Monday and this morning.

So why had she agreed to coffee with Tae?

“My dying wish . . .” She couldn’t get her grandmother’s words out of her head. She needed to see if they could get a follow-up appointment sooner than the one her grandmother had been offered.

Speaking of appointments . . .

“Annette?” she called out through the open door.

“Yeah?” Annette called back.

Julia walked out to stand in the doorway between her office and Annette’s desk. “Could you move my calendar around and save me thirty minutes at two o’clock this afternoon? Oh, and can you have Security make a guest pass for Tae Kim?”

“Oooh, Tae Kim is coming? I needed some excitement today. He is a perfect serotonin boost.”

“Remind me how you know my childhood neighbor?” Julia squinted her eyes in suspicion.

“I’m on speed dial with your parents and grandmother.”

“Yes, my dad made me aware of this. And?” Julia motioned for Annette to keep going. What did this have to do with Tae Kim?

“Your entire family talks about Tae all the time. Especially your grandmother. ‘Tae will fix this. Tae will take care of that. Tae is coming home from Chicago to take care of his dad. Tae is driving me to the swap meet.’ ”

Tae took her grandmother to the swap meet? That used to be the thing Julia and she did together when she was younger. When she had more time.

“Plus, I remember him from your launch party in that—” Annette let out a sigh “—gray suit.”

“Annette . . .” Julia tried to put an edge of warning in her tone.

“Anywho, if it’s Tae, you’re gonna need more than thirty minutes. You’ll need an hour for the coffee date and then another half hour to come back down from the high of spending time with him,” she said, clicking around on her computer. “I’m on it, boss. Your schedule is my bitch.”

“Annette, I’m sure thirty minutes will be enough.”

“Not even close,” Annette said, not looking up from her screen, biting her lower lip. She was determined.

Julia shook her head, went into her office, and got back to work.

“Is it a good time for a break?”

Julia looked up and smiled. Tae was standing in her office doorway . . . leaning.

She swallowed . . . hard.

Julia always thought of Tae as the lanky preteen boy following her around the neighborhood. When had he gotten so tall? And so . . . hot?

He was in a fitted black T-shirt and well-worn jeans, leaving little to the imagination.

“Why are you here so early?” she asked, pulling herself away from staring.

“Um, I thought we said two o’clock?” Tae looked down at his phone with furrowed brow and then back up at Julia.

“Yeah, but . . .” Julia hadn’t even picked her head up from work all day. She hadn’t had lunch. Usually, Annette brought her . . .

“Annette?”

“Yes, Ms. Song. You called?” Julia had never seen Annette react so quickly. And Ms. Song? Who was she kidding? Annette tried to stand next to Tae . . . in the doorway . . . at the same time. It was a tight fit, much to Annette’s clear pleasure.

Julia and Annette locked eyes. This was it. A stare-down.

Step out of the doorway, Julia’s gaze requested.

I don’t want to step into your office when you’re busy, Annette’s glare responded.

Why didn’t you tell me when it was noon, like you usually do? Julia’s squint asked.

Oh, did I forget your lunch? So sorry, Annette’s very-not-sorry smize said back.

“Tae, you’ll have to excuse Ms. Song. She’s quite surly when she’s hangry. She completely missed lunch today. Do make sure to feed her while you’re out,” Annette said, patting Tae’s arm a few too many times.

“Oh, sure, of course. Jules, if you have time—”

“She does. I made sure to clear her entire afternoon when she told me she wanted to spend time with you.”

Tae smiled at Annette, and Julia swore Annette fluttered her eyelashes back at Tae.

For a married woman with six kids, she still knew how to lay it on thick, apparently.

“Well, then. C’mon, Jules. Let’s go get you fed.”

Tae led the way to a small café a couple blocks from Julia’s office. After two years of being in this neighborhood, she’d rarely ventured out and had Annette order lunch in most of the time. It was gorgeous outside, warm but not hot, cloudless skies a bright and clear blue. Southern California at its finest.

They walked into the small but tastefully decorated café. Reclaimed wood on the walls with plants hanging and polished concrete floors gave it the LA cool vibe. And the smells coming from the open concept kitchen made Julia immediately want to come here all the time. That was, if they had something the notoriously picky Julia actually wanted to eat on the menu.

“Have you been here before?” Tae asked.

“No, I’ve never seen this place.”

“It’s vegan. But not LA-vegan,” he added.

“LA-vegan?”

“You know, the food isn’t trying to be an imitation of anything else. The chef just makes the menu based on what’s in season and what each ingredient is at its core.”

“That’s intense. It’s also the kind of nonsense a dedicated vegan would say.” Julia slammed her hand to her mouth. “Sorry. Ugh, I’m trying to be less straightforward in the things I say. I’ve been told it hurts people. Please don’t cry.”

Tae laughed. “Oh, well, you can say whatever you want around me. I’m not that fragile. Plus, I’m not offended since I’m not vegan.”

Julia’s mouth twisted. “You’re not vegan but you brought us to a vegan restaurant?” In Julia’s mind, the vegan ally was the worst kind of nonvegan.

“Well, you’re still a vegetarian, right?”

“Wait, how did you know that?” Julia asked.

“I remember when you made the switch. I think you were seventeen? You made the PowerPoint presentation to show your parents why this was an important choice for you,” Tae reminded her.

“I can’t believe you remember that,” Julia said.

Tae shrugged. “I remember everything.”

Julia tried to ignore the way those words made her feel. How did they make her feel? What was with the racing heartbeat, the boulder lodged in her throat, the flutter in her belly . . .

“Anyways, I wanted to make sure you’d have something to eat that wasn’t just a side garden salad, like at most restaurants,” Tae said.

Julia looked up at Tae in shock. Damn, but that was the most considerate thing anyone had ever said or done. “That’s truer in Orange County. In LA, you can usually find a few good options on every menu, even at hamburger places. Like In-N-Out? They have the best grilled cheese.” Julia’s mouth watered at the thought. And her stomach decided now was the perfect time to chime in. The growl was loud and angry. Julia grabbed her stomach, mortified.

“Well, trust me that the food here is good, no matter what you order.”

They walked up to the counter, and Julia looked over the menu on the wall. She ordered the vegan risotto and Tae the farmer’s eggplant sandwich. They took their number and found a table. Since it was later in the afternoon, they were one of the few occupied tables in the restaurant. Julia found that she could breathe freely since there wasn’t a line or a crowd. She didn’t like being around large groups of people or busy places. If she wasn’t out with her besties, she’d usually be alone. And it always felt like people looked and wondered and made judgments. She was too sensitive about it, she knew. Still, it made her anxious, especially eating out alone.

But today, she was with Tae.

“So what brings you up to LA today?” Julia asked.

“I had to pick up some parts to fix Mrs. Sun’s kimchi refrigerator. She has an older model, and this place in K-town is the only shop where I could find this part.”

“You couldn’t find it online?”

Tae shrugged. “Mrs. Sun was a bit anxious not having access to her kimchi fridge for more than a day. So I wanted to get it fixed by tomorrow if possible.”

Sonia was right. Tae was such a good guy.

“Plus, it gave me an excuse to see you. How’ve you been?”

“I just saw you a week ago,” she responded.

Tae smiled and nodded. “Sure, but I figured a lot could have happened in that week, considering your situation.”

Julia hadn’t talked to Tae in years, and now he was curious about a week out of her life. Maybe that should have felt creepy. But something about it was nice. The easy smile on Tae’s face made Julia’s feel something in her gut. Hunger, hunger pains, nothing else.

“Well, now that we’re talking about it, I’ll admit that I’m slightly mortified. Setups are bad enough. Admitting to being bad at dating and then asking you to coach me? Let me crawl under this table right now.” Julia actually looked down to see if there was room enough for her to hide there.

“Why? That’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You’ve been busy building an empire. I can’t imagine dating was a priority for you the last few years. Why wouldn’t you want some practice?”

“Oh no, I’ve been on dates, not many, but a few. They’ve just all been catastrophes.” She shook her head. “How desperate does someone have to be to need help for such a basic human interaction as dating? It’s like going to a dating hagwan because my grades aren’t good enough.” Julia moaned. She could feel the heat in her neck and knew it was getting splotchy like it always did when she was embarrassed.

“I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Anyways, I’m not really working, so I have the time. And it’ll be fun.”

“Oh, really? I hear you’re actually quite busy working helping everyone these days,” Julia responded.

Tae shrugged. “It’s . . . not a real job. I’m just doing it to pass the time while I’m home.”

Julia couldn’t understand why he was downplaying the work he did. But she did know that not everyone might value it. “When I was first building the business, when we didn’t even have a product yet, a lot of people didn’t get it, thought I was just wasting my time. No one really sees being an entrepreneur as a real job, you know? Anyways . . .” She hoped her words didn’t sound like a condescending way of trying to make him feel better. God, she sucked at human communication.

He looked at her from under his lashes, the left side of his mouth lifting just a bit. He didn’t say the words, but she felt them. Thanks for trying to understand.

“Look, Julia, we’ve known each other forever. We might not have kept in touch, but I still think I know the best parts of who you are. And I also know the worst parts of what dating these days must be. I’m pretty self-aware.” He let out a chuckle. “It really isn’t gonna be hard finding someone who wants to date you. The hard part is finding someone worthy of you.”

Julia was stunned at his words. She felt warmed inside, the tension in her shoulders releasing.

She also felt the guilt swirl around in her chest. How could she have lost contact with Tae for so long? “Thank you, Tae. Thanks for making it not sound as awful as I had in my head.” Julia tucked her errant side bangs behind her ear.

“I’m curious, though. Why now? I figured with as successful as you’ve been at work, your family would give you some space before laying on the when-are-you-getting-married pressure.”

Julia looked across the table at Tae. His chin rested in his hand, and she could see no judgment in his eyes. Julia felt the beginnings of cracks in her armor.

“I think my grandmother is sick.” She hadn’t meant to just blurt it out. But it had been on Julia’s mind for days, and she needed to talk about it with someone.

“What?” Tae’s eyes grew large, shock on his face. “Since when? How?”

“I don’t know, but the reason I agreed to let my family play matchmaker was, well, because my grandmother said her dying wish was for me to get married. Her dying wish, Tae. I was so shocked at the news, so scared, that I just agreed.”

Tae stared at Julia, brows furrowed. Maybe he wasn’t comfortable with her sharing so much about her family.

“Wait, what?”

So it was news to Tae too. “You didn’t know? You haven’t heard anything? Well, please don’t tell anyone, not even your parents. Maybe my grandmother doesn’t want anyone to know.”

“No, of course not. But she seems so healthy.”

“She went to the doctor, and they said they found something. She didn’t understand a lot of what they were telling her, which just infuriates me so much. They should have had an interpreter there, whether she requested it or not. Just think about all the people who misunderstand or totally ignore what’s being told to them at the doctor because of language barrier.” It hurt Julia to even consider it.

“This is the exact reason why I came home, both times my dad got sick. I just knew that there would be a ton of stuff they wouldn’t know how to deal with. And the system is unkind to the most fluent of us. You’re right. It makes me so angry too that it’s even harsher on those who don’t understand.”

Julia felt so incredibly relieved that someone else shared this frustration with her. That Tae wasn’t accusing her of feeling things too deeply about it. But he listened and even understood.

“She has a follow-up appointment coming up, and this time you better believe I will be there with her to find out exactly what’s going on.”

Tae’s eyes were on Julia, his attention completely focused on her as she spoke. She would normally feel unease with this, but in this moment she felt safe.

Tae reached over and placed his hand on top of Julia’s, a small, kind smile on his face. “Julia . . .”

Julia was at her limit. If Tae was going to say comforting words to her, she was sure to release the waterworks. Julia braced herself for the gentleness that was to come.

“So she gave the ol’ dying-wish guilt trip, huh?”

Julia scrunched her nose, unable to hide. “Yup.”

He nodded. “She knew you’d agree to it all—”

“Before she even had a full diagnosis.” Julia smiled. She shouldn’t be laughing. But her grandma was shameless. At this rate, she’d have Julia married before she even knew for sure if she was truly sick.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, that line has been used by halmonis for generations. Also, if you were worried that maybe your grandma knew more than she was letting on about her health, don’t be. If it was already something serious, the KGN would have picked it up.”

“The KGN?” she asked.

“Korean Gossip Network. Jules, since I’ve been back, I’ve basically been working for every Korean family in Irvine and the surrounding areas. I go into their homes, I listen, I hear them talking. I know everything about everyone. And you have to know that Koreans do not know how to keep anything to themselves. If it was something to talk about, someone would have talked about it. Especially as beloved as your grandmother is to everyone. I’m not promising you that it’s nothing to worry about. I’m saying maybe don’t worry about it too much just yet.”

Julia thought it over, and his words made sense. It was so much to be taking in right now. She put her fingertips to her temples and started rubbing circles.

“You okay?” Tae asked. “Can I get you anything?”

Tae’s kind voice soothed her. “Keep talking. The sound of your voice makes me feel better,” she said without thinking.

“Well, fuck,” she thought she heard him say under his breath. She opened her eyes to find him rubbing the back of his neck, a small smile tugging at his lips. She responded with her own smile. His eyes went straight to her mouth, and she swallowed away her nerves.

Julia cleared her throat and looked away, breaking their connection.

“Oh my, this place is so cute. I love the decor.”

Julia froze. She knew that whiny, aegyo voice anywhere. Her back stayed ramrod straight as she turned her head a fraction to the right. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw it. Her worst nightmare. Here, in a random not-LA-vegan café in LA, while she was having a breakdown over a deep family crisis, walked in Jisoo Kang.

8
Kiss of Death

Tae

Tae noticed the change in Julia immediately. He followed her line of sight to the door and realized exactly what was going on. Jisoo Kang, of all people, had just walked into this tiny café in LA. What was she doing all the way up here? But the real question on Tae’s mind was whether Julia was going to be okay.

The three of them, along with Tae’s brother, had all grown up in church together. Julia and Jisoo were inseparable, like sisters really, and Tae their favorite target to boss around. He recalled watching them slowly drift apart as the comments and comparisons by their parents and other adults made it difficult on them. But they were actually so different. The only thing they shared was being the same age and attending the same church. But everyone at Zion Korean Church compared the two of them, celebrated when one did something amazing, complimented how pretty they both were, and ultimately, always, their parents would pull the Jisoo did this and Julia did that cards.

Tae remained friendly with Jisoo. But his loyalty had always been to Julia. She was his neighbor. And for as long as they’d known each other, he’d felt a tie to her, a responsibility to look out for her, even though she was older.

And right now, he knew Julia was feeling fragile about her grandmother, the setups, the dating. It probably didn’t help that Jisoo was now engaged. Tae couldn’t imagine what a mind trip all of this was on Julia. But he was going to do what he could to make sure it didn’t get worse.

Jisoo oohed and aahed about the cute café to her group of friends, and as she scanned the interior, her eyes landed on Tae.

“Oh my, Taehyung-ssi. What are you doing here?” She clapped her hands enthusiastically and came right over to their table. When she turned to see who Tae was with, her expression immediately shifted to one of shock. Her eyebrows lifted. “Julia? Is that you? Oh my God, this is wild. I haven’t seen you in years!”

Tae stood up and wrapped an arm around Jisoo. “Hi, Jisoo. What brings you all the way up to LA?”

“I could ask you the same thing, but I guess you’re here to see Julia?” She looked between the two of them.

Julia definitely noticed the curious look on Jisoo’s face, and her spine quickly straightened as she plastered on a smile. “Tae is helping me with some work I’m having done on Starlight’s offices.”

“Oh, that’s good. Tae is great at that. He helped my parents renovate their kitchen.” Jisoo looked back at Tae. “Thanks for that, by the way. I seriously think those cabinet guys were planning to rip off my parents and screw them over. We really owe you.”

“Honestly, it was my pleasure. Not a problem at all.”

“Well, I have a problem with how little you let my parents pay you. You basically only charged them a fraction over supply costs. Tae, I still have the check for the rest of the work that we owe you.”

“Really, Jisoo, you guys don’t have to.”

“I’m not gonna argue with you here in public. But I will pay you what you deserve at the very minimum.” She had the kind but stern I’m a doctor look on her face.

As if just realizing she had come with two other people, Jisoo quickly introduced her friends. Her bridesmaids.

“Well, it’s kind of embarrassing, but we’re on a reconnaissance mission of sorts. I heard there were some wedding dress boutiques in this area, and I wanted to check them out before my mom was going to shuffle me off to the ones in K-town. I have nothing against those stores. But I just want to make sure I’ve seen all my options, ya know? I know it’s silly . . .” She seemed genuinely embarrassed by this, which Tae wasn’t sure why she would need to be. But the downturned corners of her mouth also made her seem a little sad.

Tae looked over at Julia who sat still, looking down at her empty bowl and nodding politely.

“It’s not silly. Wedding-dress shopping should be fun for you. Enjoy it. Oh, and congratulations, by the way,” Julia said. “My parents told me about the engagement last weekend. I’ve been meaning to send you a message. That’s really exciting news.”

“Yeah, Jisoo, congrats. That’s really cool. My brother knows Eric from their engineering circles and says he’s a cool guy. I’m happy for you both.”

“Thanks,” Jisoo said. “We didn’t date long, so it came as a bit of a surprise when he proposed. Sometimes these things just happen.” Tae found it odd that Jisoo seemed so matter-of-fact about it all. Was she not excited about the engagement?

“Julia, your company’s office is up here, right? You must come to this café a lot. I’ve heard good things. Anyways, I better get going. You two enjoy your date.” Jisoo smiled and turned to leave.

“It’s just, um, a friendly coffee that, um, turned into a late lunch because my assistant forgot to remind me to eat during lunchtime. Not that I need an assistant to do that. I just sometimes get lost in my work. And Tae was in the area to see about a kimchi fridge and help with the remodel. It was just a coincidence that we ended up here at this small table for two with food,” Julia said.

Tae knew Julia to be direct. And according to her, almost painfully so. So what was with the rambling? Did running into Jisoo again bring up some painful feelings that made her lose her composure? Or was it the thought of being caught out in public with Tae and having someone possibly misread the situation that was a fate worse than death? Tae wanted to understand what was happening right now, but he was, frankly, a little hurt.

What was her issue?

“Oh, okay.” Jisoo gave an awkward smile, turned an apologetic eye to Tae, and waved as she went to sit with her friends.

“Was that necessary?” Tae asked, slightly annoyed.

Julia’s shoulders slumped, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I have no idea what just happened there. For some reason I was terrified Jisoo was gonna ask about my setups. And I just panicked. I suddenly felt like I was eighteen again, being told that Jisoo won valedictorian and prom queen, and I was just sitting at home eating Oreos.”

“If I recall correctly, Jisoo was neither valedictorian nor prom queen,” Tae corrected her.

“I know. It just always felt like whatever she did was better than anything I did. And now . . . she’s shopping for wedding gowns.”

“Well, I’m sorry she caught us together and got the wrong idea,” he said.

Julia’s eyes turned to Tae. “I’m so sorry. You know it’s not like that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m out of sorts, I guess. It’s the whole turning-thirty thing, paired with the not-being-married thing, with the is-my-grandma-dying-or-not thing. Punctuated by the why-is-it-anyone’s-business thing. It’s been . . . a lot.”

Tae took in all that was Julia Song in front of him. Her long black hair and sideswept bangs. Her small, yet expressive features surprisingly not overshadowed by her big, doelike eyes. Her thin neck and usually perfect posture. And her humongous, impressive brain. What made a woman like this so guilt-ridden by old, traditional ways of thinking?

Tae had his own issues about his perceived failures. He had dropped out of college to come help his dad with his landscaping business after his first diagnosis and ended up in Chicago working at a middle-management job that bored him and didn’t let him do the one thing he liked doing: working with his hands to fix things. All of this while everyone else around him flourished. He was the dull knife in a drawer full of Ginsus.

But his mother had never given him shit about it. She just let him figure it out on his own, trusted him to make his own decisions about what was best for him. He had yet to come through on that, though. All his decisions seemed to be the wrong ones. She was as untraditional a Korean mom as it got when it came to raising Tae. Maybe Tae could use more pressure from his mom to force him to make some better choices. But, looking at Julia now, he wasn’t sure he should be wishing for such a thing.

“Julia, don’t do this to yourself. You’re amazing. I respect the hell out of you, not only for what you’ve accomplished but also for selflessly agreeing to these setups to make your grandmother happy. I just hope it doesn’t come at the cost of your own happiness.”

Wise words. Tae wondered where he fit on this happiness spectrum.

Julia’s vulnerable eyes looked up at Tae. She was searching his: for what, he couldn’t tell. “Thank you,” she said. “I needed that.”

Tae wanted to tell her he’d always be on her side. But he kept that to himself. He didn’t want her thinking he was interested in any way other than a friend wanting to help. She was way out of his league, and he was not delusional.

“You’re sweet,” Julia said.

“Oh God. Sweet, the kiss of death,” Tae groaned.

“I thought nice was the kiss of death,” Julia said.

“It’s been dethroned by sweet.”

“Well, you’re cute too. Does that help?” Julia teased.

“No, cute is almost as awful. God, Julia, your compliments are the worst.”

Julia laughed. “Well, at least I didn’t comment on your clothes.”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” he asked.

“Nothing . . . I’m just known for—”

“Making men cry. You told me.” He chuckled.

“I’m doomed, Tae. This will never work,” she said, dropping her head in her hands.

“Jules, listen. Like I said before, this doesn’t have to be miserable. We’ll have fun practicing just being social. And, well, it’ll give us a chance to spend some time together. We have some catching up to do. It’s just three dates. Give it a chance and see how it goes, okay?”

Tae truly hoped it would all be as easy as he was making it out to be. She didn’t look like the type of person that handled failure well.

Julia nodded, looking more herself again. “Thanks again for letting me hire you as my dating coach.”

“Let’s be clear. I’m just here to hang out with you so you’ll be ready for your dates. And you will not be paying me. This is my pleasure,” Tae said to lay down the law.

Julia rolled her eyes. “We’ll see about that,” she said under her breath.

Tae was ready to battle Julia if he had to. But first . . . “So, Julia, are you ready?” he asked, changing the subject.

“For what?” Julia looked very skeptical.

“To hear the news.”

Her smile disappeared.

“Oh God.” She put her hand over her eyes as if it might keep her in the dark.

“Forget it. Let’s not talk about it.” Tae immediately regretted saying anything. They were doing so well.

Julia let out a huge sigh. “No, no, let’s get it over with.” Julia straightened her back, which Tae was beginning to realize was her sign that she was bracing herself, putting on her CEO Julia armor. “Lay it on me. What do you know?”

“So yesterday while I was waiting for Mrs. Ko at the hair salon—”

“I’m sorry, you were doing what, where?” Julia asked.

“Mr. Ko threw out his back, and Mrs. Ko hasn’t renewed her license, and . . . you know what? Long story. Short version was I played chauffeur yesterday, and you may or may not know that the last Saturday of the month is when everyone goes to get their hair colored and permed.”

Julia opened her mouth but didn’t say a word. Tae had rendered her speechless.

“In any case, your mom was there, and she told all the ladies how she had put out the call.”

“The call? What, like the Bat-Signal or something? Oh my God, did they post it in the Korean newspaper?”

Tae could see that Julia was joking, but he couldn’t actually tell her that it wasn’t something they were planning on doing. Because it just might be.

“From what I’ve heard, they’ve been asking around pretty broadly for smart, successful, and, um, tall men eligible to set up with their daughter.”

“No,” she gasped. “I thought they’d just look in the church or the community center. How broadly are we talking?” Julia’s eyes were wide as saucers.

“Well, for starters my mom was going to offer up Min.”

“Your brother? Didn’t I hear that Min was engaged?”

“Yeah, he is, but she’s not Korean.”

“Oh my God, that is awful. Why would that matter? These mothers are willing to break up perfectly happy relationships for a setup? With me?”

“Um, it gets worse.”

Julia groaned. “Tell me really fast so it will just shock me, and maybe I’ll pass out and not feel the rest of the pain.”

“They said they’d be willing to pay for plane tickets for anyone willing to meet you if the man was suitable. Plane tickets for both the man . . . and his mother.”

“How is this my life?” Julia whined, dropping her head into her hands.

“I know it sounds awful,” he said, and truthfully Tae had seen a lot of crazy things Korean parents were willing to do to set up their kids for marriage, but this was a lot. “But it’s kinda nice that they’re trying to find you someone amazing, ya know? There will be no settling. Like there’s clearly no one good enough in their small bubble, so why not put out the call for eligible bachelors far and wide? Assuming they’re smart, successful, and tall.” Tae added the extra emphasis on the final word while trying to hide his smile.

“Please, stop reminding me of those three words. So cringey. God, who came up with these parameters? Oh yeah, me and my family. We sound like such assholes.”

“So you don’t want smart, successful, and tall?” Tae was having too much fun.

“Please dispose of my body in the Venice canals where no one will find me.”

Tae laughed. He couldn’t help himself.

“I actually don’t know what I want,” Julia confessed. “Obviously.”

It was comforting knowing that he wasn’t the only one. That even successful-on-paper CEOs could be a little lost too.

“It’s okay, Julia. There’s no way you’re gonna get any losers in this group. Your parents see this as their one and only shot to set you up. You’ll get three amazing men to go out with.”

Julia’s head shot up. “Tae, I run a successful, reputable company. I’m about to be in O magazine. And now I’m being ruined by a call to all Korean men within flying distance, which is basically worldwide, offered up to the most impressive option only to fully disappoint him and everyone else by a mismatch. Matchmaking by résumé won’t work. I’m sure of it. It won’t make me suddenly charming and not abrasive. And I’m supposed to win him over and marry him on the off chance that my grandma dies?”

Tae was glad Julia was looking at it as an off chance at this point and wasn’t back in her any-day-now mode.

“You keep talking about it like it’s just the guy’s decision. What about you? You have to fall in love with him too. Don’t you forget that.”

“Great. Way to drive home that this is going to be impossible. I don’t like anyone, Tae. Take me out of the equation.”

“No can do. This is a relationship, and hopefully a marriage, we’re talking about. You matter as much as he does.”

“Let’s just focus on the him of it all first. Then we can see if there’s anything left to salvage from the wreckage,” Julia whined.

“Well, that’s where I come in. I won’t let this fail. Look, I’m sorry to have dropped this bomb on you, but I wanted you to know that whatever you find out about your grandmother, it’s likely too late to back out of the setups. But, honestly, Julia, what have you got to lose? You’ll have some fun, maybe meet some good guys—”

“And maybe find the love of my life?”

Tae shrugged. “It could happen.” Maybe he was more of a romantic than he gave himself credit for.

“Or I will be the embarrassment of the entire Korean community and die an old shrew with four hundred cats.”

“Well, that’s grim. You don’t like cats.”

“What am I going to do?” Julia dropped her head into her arms on the table.

Tae reached over and patted her on the head.

“There, there, Julia. Leave it to me. I’ll take care of everything.”

9
The Product Closet

Julia

“Hey, are you guys gonna come out with any of those new faux freckles? Or the eyebrow gems?”

Julia couldn’t believe she was doing this. She opened her big mouth at the very last second, in a moment of weakness, just as they were saying their goodbyes at the café and she’d be free of Jisoo and her huge engagement ring . . . and invited Jisoo into the Starlight Product Closet to make gift bags for her bridesmaids. She hadn’t expected Jisoo to call her the very next day. But here they were. After having not spoken to her in over a year, she was now chitchatting away with her childhood frenemy twice in one week.

Making matters worse, Julia had work to do. She was worried about her company and the next steps for its growth, maximizing the exposure from the Oprah effect. To enter the Korean market or not to enter the Korean market, that was the question. But instead of focusing on stuff that mattered, here she was answering questions about the over-the-top Korean makeup trends. Great.

“Do doctors wear faux freckles and eyebrow gems?” It came out snarkier than Julia had wanted. Oh well.

“When they’re not saving lives, they do.”

Point, Jisoo.

“But this is for my bridesmaids, and these girls love the newest makeup trends coming out of Korea. Seriously, Korean brands really know how to lead the market.”

“Yeah, well, we don’t really carry the trendy stuff.”

“No, I know. Starlight is all about quality. That’s why I love it more than the other brands.”

“You mean the real Korean brands.”

Jisoo looked at her, and Julia fought the fidget that was screaming to manifest with the attention. “Starlight isn’t considered a real Korean brand?” Jisoo asked. “Funny, because everyone I know thinks it is. In fact, it’s like a source of pride for us Korean Americans to have this in the marketplace. A company founded by a second gen? That’s something to celebrate.”

Julia wasn’t sure how to take that. It was a huge compliment. It was what she’d wanted to hear from her customers, her investors, her own family. It was a statement that showed someone got it, understood what Julia wanted to do when she created Starlight.

She just didn’t expect it from Jisoo.

But wasn’t Jisoo exactly the target consumer? Maybe she was doing something right.

Julia felt the vibration of her phone and quickly looked down at the unknown number. She usually didn’t pick up direct phone calls from people she wasn’t sure of, but she’d been hoping with all the recent attention and success that she’d be getting more communication from potential investors.

“Hello?”

“May I speak to Julia Song, please?”

“This is.”

“Julia, hello. This is Michael Lee. I got your phone number from my . . .” he stalled “. . . well, from my mother, of all people.” He laughed, and it gave away his nervousness. Julia racked her brain to identify the name. Was this a budding businessman who needed some advice? Or was this someone looking for product for his—

“I usually don’t let my mother set me up on dates, but when I googled you, I was surprised to find that you were legit. Quite impressive,” he said.

Oh shit. It was a setup. The first. Without any forewarning. Julia was going to give her mom an earful after this.

“Uh, oh, um, hi.” Julia was still processing the fact that this guy had googled her. The nerve. After she hung up with him, got rid of Jisoo, gave her mom an earful, and googled Michael Lee herself, she was going to have to look up what he might have found online about her.

“So I was wondering if you have a free night next week for dinner?”

Julia closed her eyes and counted to three. She could do this. So what that it was an incredibly busy time for her at work and she rarely left the office before eight? It didn’t have to be awful, she reminded herself of Tae’s words. Just dive in and get it over with, see what could happen.

“Sure, dinner sounds great. How does Wednesday work for you?” she asked.

“Wednesday is perfect. How about I text you the name of the restaurant and we meet at, say, seven?”

“Maybe seven thirty so we can avoid any potential traffic,” Julia suggested.

“I doubt that will be an issue at seven.”

Was this guy nuts? Depending on where the restaurant was, seven o’clock could be the worst time in LA for traffic. But whatever. Julia stifled her irritated sigh. “Okay. Great. I’ll wait for your text. See you then.”

“Really looking forward to it, Julia.”

Julia hung up the phone and dropped her head.

“They call you directly.”

Julia shot her head back up and stared at Jisoo. She had totally forgotten she wasn’t alone. Had Jisoo eavesdropped on the conversation? Granted, they were in a ten-foot by twelve-foot product closet with no other sound. But rude.

“The setups. I was surprised too. I was getting calls from numbers I didn’t recognize with random men’s voices on the other side. I thought my mom would at least give me a heads-up, ya know?”

That’s right, Jisoo had been set up too. She, of all people, understood exactly what Julia was going through.

“How awkward is it, on a scale of one to ten?” Julia asked.

“Ten being walking down the street with your skirt tucked into your underwear, I’d say at least a nine.”

“Shit.”

Jisoo laughed. “I’m kidding. I mean, it’s a little demeaning. We’re gorgeous, successful women who in the eyes of our families have failed in some way because we haven’t found the life partner by some arbitrary deadline age. So they’ll take matters into their own capable hands,” Jisoo said, emphasizing with air quotes, “and do the work for us?”

Jisoo’s words hit Julia hard. She hadn’t even considered how this would be for Jisoo too. She was a doctor, a successful one. And there was no denying that Jisoo was stunning along the likes of Korean Hallyu stars. “Yeah, well, I’m the sucker who possibly got guilt-tripped by my halmoni to agree to the matchmaking,” Julia confessed.

“Was it the I-spent-all-my-money-to-get-us-to-America bit?”

Julia shook her head. “It was the I-want-to-see-you-married-before-I-die line.”

“Ahhh, yes. Do you remember Julie Kim? Her grandma used that one on her too. She was set up and married within three months.”

Julia gave out a small, breathy laugh. If she didn’t laugh, she might end up crying instead. There was a tiny bit of guilt about laughing at her grandmother’s con on the small chance it wasn’t a con at all.

“Jisoo, if I brought my grandmother in to see you, could you give her a complete physical?”

“I could, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you any of the findings without her approval.”

“Damn, you’re unshakable.” Julia wasn’t sure if she should be irritated or impressed. She was probably somewhere in the middle.

“Just good at my job,” Jisoo said as she pulled down four bottles of the sulfate-free green tea clarifying shampoo and put them into her basket.

“But if my grandma was sick, could you help us maybe make sense of what her doctor was saying?”

Jisoo kept her eyes on the products on the shelf, but Julia saw her throat move as she swallowed before responding.

“Is Halmoni sick?” Jisoo asked, her voice even, careful.

“I don’t know,” Julia answered honestly. “We’re going to see her doctor in a few weeks. I was hoping for an earlier appointment, but . . .”

Jisoo nodded. “Text me the doctor’s name. I’ll see if I can help free something up. And afterward, call me when you get the information. I’ll go over it with both of you, answer any further questions you might have,” she replied.

“Thanks,” Julia said, a wave of relief running through her. In a sea of helplessness threatening to drown her, Jisoo, of all people, felt like a lifeboat.

“Who was the guy,” Jisoo lifted her chin toward Julia’s phone, “if you don’t mind me asking? When I was going through the setups, it turned out that the circles of successful women and the men that are considered suitable were quite small. I had recycled setups that some of my friends had already gone on dates with.”

“This is getting worse with every new piece of information you give me. Maybe I should remain blissfully ignorant and take the punches of being ambushed out of nowhere.”

Jisoo shrugged and turned back toward the shelves of product as if completely disinterested in Julia’s agony. Her basket was looking very full by now, but Julia wasn’t going to be stingy about it.

“His name is Michael Lee, I think he said.”

Jisoo nodded knowingly. “If it’s Michael Lee from Fullerton, he’s a lawyer. I didn’t date him, but one of my coworkers did. If I recall, he’s a nice guy. No red flags.”

“Except for some failed setups ahead of mine?”

“Look, we may be agreeing to these setups, but when it comes down to it, it’s still our choice to make, right? You think he’s a loser, don’t go out with him again. Simple as that.”

Was it, though? Julia wondered. She was still the one who had to go on the dates, and that wasn’t something Julia had ever been successful at. The end game was to find someone who would stick long after just the first setup. Therein lay the problem. Julia had yet to meet someone who could see past the awful first date and hang around for more. Or anyone she wanted to.

“You look unconvinced. Julia, your parents are gonna find some guys who might be great, or they might not be. But you have to have chemistry and enjoy being around them. It’s you that has to date them and eventually decide what happens next. We always make it seem like they—the man—chooses us. But it can be us who chooses them . . . or not.”

Julia liked this perspective Jisoo was presenting her with, control being in her own hands. It was along the same lines as what Tae had said yesterday. But was it that simple? “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Though, it pains me to say it.” She smiled at Jisoo, who gave her a raised eyebrow and shoulder shrug back.

Julia’s phone vibrated again in her hand. Great. Was this how she was going to spend her afternoon, fielding calls from potential suitors? Couldn’t they just space it out so she’d only have to deal with one awkward setup at a time? Did it all have to come in like a flood, sweeping Julia into the Valley of the Undateables where it would be only her and likely her cousin Justin, the future podiatrist, left?

She let out a groan. “Let me know if you dated this one too,” she said to Jisoo as she pressed the answer button to accept the call.

“Yes, this is Julia . . . Nice to meet you . . . I can’t do next Wednesday . . . I prefer not to drive in traffic at seven o’clock. Just text me the restaurant. Please don’t google me.”

Julia heard Jisoo gasp and then follow it with a laugh she clearly tried to smother. But she was already just too tired to care what kind of fool she was making of herself. How would she possibly survive three of these?

“Um, hello? Julia Song? I’m looking for Julia Song, the CEO of Starlight Cosmetics.”

Well, this guy was more formal than Julia had expected. Fine. He was into titles for his future dates; she could play that game.

“Yes, this is the founder and chief executive officer of Starlight Cosmetics. Name and title please.”

A surprised bark of laughter came from the other line.

“Julia, hello, this is Andrew Lim. I’m an executive at Hansuk Holdings. We’re the holding company of top Korean cosmetics brands such as SkinFin, Nabee, and Seoul Face.”

Julia swallowed at the introduction. She had been trying to get in contact with someone from Hansuk Holdings for months. It was one of the few companies from Korea that could make for an interesting partner in product and distribution for Starlight.

How did her mother get someone from Hansuk Holdings on the setup list? And this couldn’t possibly work out, could it? What if she was a disaster on the date and it ruined all her chances for their business partnership? And oh my God, she had already been insufferable on this call.

She let out an audible groan. THIS LIFE.

“Julia? I—”

“Andrew, look. Thank you so much for calling. In fact, for reasons totally separate from finding a future husband, I have been trying to get in touch with someone from your office to discuss a business proposition. So this is indeed most awkward and unfortunate. But all that aside, as truly flattered as I am that your mom agreed to my mom’s request to set us up for a possible love connection, or if that didn’t work at least for a relationship that we’d both agree to sans love but in title only, I have to turn you down. I’m not sure if turning down a prearranged setup is within the rules. But I feel the need to do it anyways. My sincere apologies. I can’t date someone within my own industry. It would be a conflict of interest.”

Silence.

Julia had devastated the poor man. He’d probably googled her and thought he’d hit the jackpot and now he was broken. Poor, poor Andrew Lim . . .

“Ms. Song, I believe there’s been a misunderstanding. This is Andrew Lim, Chief Investment Officer at Hansuk Holdings. I received a message that you’ve been trying to reach me. And after looking over the numbers and the prospectus, I’m quite interested in having a meeting. We can keep it to an in-office meeting so as not to make any confusion of it being a . . . date . . . or anything of a personal manner. So not to be, as you put it, most awkward and unfortunate.” He cleared his throat, but he could not hide the laugh in his voice.

Hansuk Holdings wanted a meeting with Starlight Cosmetics. Seriously?

Starlight had been having increasingly good year-over-year numbers since its inception, and with the addition of physical storefronts in New York and Los Angeles to their already-booming online business, they’d grown more than Julia could have even imagined. It all made for a business bigger than Julia had planned for, and the opportunities before her were ones she wasn’t quite sure how to decide between. She could try and stall the growth, keep Starlight the boutique skincare brand that was the darling of the start-up community. Or she could try and keep going as fast and as far as this momentum would take them . . . expanding into makeup and even into lifestyle products. If the name got big enough and if her distribution expanded globally, Starlight could be a billion-dollar business and, possibly, even become a household name in Korea.

But all the potential banks and investors to date had been stateside. This was the first Korean company to show interest.

Julia dazedly looked around the room at the products her company had tirelessly fought to produce and distribute. The best in clean and organic Korean skincare. She was proud of . . .

Jisoo’s face came into focus, with her eyebrows shot to her hairline and her jaw daintily hanging to the floor, her eyes big as saucers, looking back and forth between Julia and her phone.

Julia’s phone.

With Andrew Lim on the other line.

Andrew Lim of Hansuk Holdings . . . who she’d mistaken as a setup.

Oh.

My.

God.

She looked back at Jisoo and matched her eyebrow to mouth to eyes. She swallowed . . . hard.

“Um . . . Mr. Lim,” she whispered. “I . . . I . . . I . . .”

Jisoo grabbed the phone from her. “Hello, Mr. Lim, this is Ms. Song’s assistant. Apologies, but she is late for a very important product meeting and will need to get back to you shortly.”

Julia tried to grab the phone back. “Are you crazy? I’ve tried a million times to get a hold of this guy. You can’t hang up on him,” she hissed.

“You made a big ass of yourself, Julia. Abort, abort, abort! Regroup. And then try again,” Jisoo hissed back, holding the phone out of Julia’s reach.

“But I may not have another chance. I can save this . . . oh my God, look . . . a giant spider . . .” Julia pointed to the corner of the closet.

Jisoo shrieked and jumped behind Julia, dropping the phone.

Julia bent down, scrambling to pick it up.

“Yes, hello, Mr. Lim? As I was saying . . .” She was huffing and puffing. And what was it she was saying? Julia took a deep breath to steady herself. “Mr. Lim, please excuse my earlier word vomit. I mistook you for someone my mother was trying to set me up on a date with, and though I am now officially mortified, I do not want to miss out on the opportunity to meet and discuss Starlight with you. If you wouldn’t mind erasing everything that happened today from your memory and just sending over the time and place to meet, I would be most appreciative.”

His chuckle didn’t completely erase Julia’s embarrassment, but it helped a tiny bit. “I’m an unmarried man in my thirties with my own Korean mother, Julia. I get it.”

Thank God.

“I actually only have a minute, so let me get right to it. I wanted to see if we could meet sometime in the next few weeks. I’ll be coming over from Korea to visit family in California, so it just so happens that I’ll be in town. I was hoping we could begin discussions about investment. I thought an in-person meeting would be nice. If your schedule allows—”

“It allows, yes. And thank you for understanding. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Great. I’ll email over a calendar invite.”

“Great, thank you.”

Julia dropped her phone and collapsed onto the plush carpet.

“Your life is a real-life K-drama rom-com, Julia,” Jisoo said, coming to sit down beside her on the carpet.

Julia turned her head to face her. “On a scale of one to ten, how emb—”

“There is not a number high enough.”

Julia closed her eyes and groaned.

Great. Just great.

10
Little Brother

Tae

“Taehyung-ah, take these tangerines home to your parents. The vitamin C is good for you. And here is some kimchi I made last week. It should be just ripe enough to eat.”

“Thank you,” Tae said. He bowed to Mrs. Chung, whose husband had died unexpectedly last year. She was about the same age as Tae’s halmoni would have been if she were still alive, and Tae had a soft spot for her. He agreed to do any and all work she needed done and always prioritized fixing things around her house. He even made it a point to check in on her if he hadn’t heard from her in a few days.

“And,” she said, dropping her voice even though it was just the two of them in the house, “this is for you.” She passed him an envelope, and Tae received it with both hands and a bow.

“Thank you. I’ll be going now. Let me know if you need anything else, anytime.”

“Thank you, Tae. You are such a good boy,” she said as she walked him to his car then went inside.

Tae opened the envelope to find twenty dollars. His gas to her home would cost more than that. But he never talked money with the people he helped. Some paid him a lot, even more than what was fair. And others didn’t. He knew that they’d given what they could afford.

It had been a long day. Tae sat in his car and rubbed his eyes when his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“My mom didn’t even warn me,” Julia said. “She didn’t tell me she’d found someone, and just out of the blue he called me.”

“Who called you?”

“Michael Lee from Fullerton. And Jisoo heard it all. Oh God.” Julia sounded miserable.

“Jules, who is Michael Lee from Fullerton?”

“My first setup. What have I done?” Her groan was loud and over-the-top. What a nut.

“Don’t panic. Remember, we have a plan. Now, tell me everything. When and where is this date?”

“Wednesday at Seoulmeats in K-town at seven.”

“Can you even get to K-town from the Westside by seven?”

“Exactly! See? I said the same thing, and he didn’t listen. And I had to bite my tongue because I’m trying to turn a new leaf and be an impress-the-man-who-doesn’t-understand-traffic kind of gal.”

She sounded miserable. Tae was amused.

“Let me look up the restaurant and get back to you. Do you have time this weekend, Sunday maybe, for our practice run?”

“Yeah, I only have brunch in the morning with my girlfriends. But after that I’m free.”

“Okay, but don’t eat too much at brunch. I’m gonna feed you again when we meet up. Anyways, I should go. I’ll call you later with more details. And Jules?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t worry. We’ve got this.”

“Thanks, Tae.”

Tae’s phone rang again before he could even get down the street to the corner. Honestly, he just wanted to turn on some music and zone out. Tempting, but it could be someone needing his help with something.

“Hello?”

“Tae Kim?”

“Yes, this is.”

“Hi, Tae. It’s Rianne Kennedy, the HR manager at Sterling Co.”

Tae’s heart dropped. He hadn’t been in touch with his office in weeks, though he knew his paid and unpaid leave times were drawing to a close. He’d run out of days to be away from work, and a part of him hoped that if he didn’t respond, they’d just consider him terminated and he wouldn’t have to make the decision himself and have the awkward conversation.

No such luck.

“Oh, hey there, Rianne. How can I help you?”

“I’m not sure if you’ve seen the emails we’ve been sending. But as of last Friday, you’ve exhausted your leave time. Will we be expecting you back to work? No one has heard from you . . .”

This was it. It was Tae’s chance to quit. It was his chance to cut the ties from the miserable job and unfulfilling life in Chicago and make the decision to not go back. Was he ready?

“Rianne, my father is still not completely well enough for me to leave at this time. I know I’ve used up all my options. But is there any possibility . . .” Quit, Tae. Right now. Just say it. Make the move and never go back. Let the chips fall where they may. Figure your shit out on your own and . . .

“Hello? Tae? Any possibility for what? Can you hear me? . . . Can you hear me now? . . . Hello? Did I lose you?”

“Oh, sorry, no, I’m here, Rianne. Um, I was going to ask if I can have another few weeks of unpaid leave time to figure everything out here before I return.” Coward.

“Tae, we can give you two more weeks, tops. But only because your manager was very explicit in letting us know that he enjoys you on his team. Then we’ll need to know what day we can expect you back at work. Good luck with everything.”

He’d bought himself two more weeks. Two more weeks of keeping his options open. Two more weeks of misery and dread, trying to figure out what to do with his life.

Tae wasn’t listening to the rest of what she was saying. He’d review it when she sent it to him in email. For now, he was anxious to hang up, turn on some music, roll down his windows, and enjoy his drive home.

“Don’t do anything you’re gonna regret later, little brother.”

All Tae wanted was to have a beer and watch the Angels game on TV. But with the traffic being bad, he decided to make a pit stop in Huntington Beach at his brother’s house on his way home to do both there. What he didn’t want, what he didn’t need, was a lecture.

Tae didn’t expect Min to understand. He didn’t even expect him to support whatever decisions he made. He loved his brother, but they wanted different things out of life. They were just . . . different. What he hoped was that he could have a beer in peace, though. Tae took a pull from the bottle and let the hoppy amber liquid make its way down his throat.

“That actually makes me think about quitting even more now. Because staying in Chicago feels like something I’d regret.”

“You’re being immature and irresponsible. You can’t just quit your job. Quit once and you’re starting all over at the bottom rung of the corporate ladder. Cutting all ties to your previous life, your job, your apartment is a fool’s move. And why? Because you’re unhappy? Happiness is overrated. And even so, there are no guarantees that it’ll suddenly be all sunshine and rainbows if you move back here permanently.”

“We’re in Southern California, Min. It’s as close to a guarantee of sunshine as we’ll ever get.”

Min rolled his eyes at Tae. “Well, I’m proud of you, little brother. I mean, you’re screwed now that you’re jobless and live with our parents in our childhood home. But as long as you’re happy . . .” He said the word happy as if it sat bitter on his tongue.

“Asshole,” Tae said to his brother. He grabbed another one of Min’s overpriced craft beers from the fridge and sat down on the couch for another slice of pizza.

Min whacked at Tae’s feet, pushing them off the coffee table, and put a coaster down in front of him. Neat freak.

“What are you gonna do about your girlfriend? What was her name, Kelly? Is she moving out here to shack up with you in the basement?”

“Her name is Kari, and I told you already. We broke up months ago. Maybe listen when I actually share something with you.”

“Jesus, Tae. You’re really just gonna throw your whole life away.”

“What can I do, Min? She doesn’t understand why I had to come home to take care of Dad. It’s not like I can have any kind of future with someone who doesn’t put family first. And besides, we weren’t ever that serious.”

“Is that what she’d say if I asked her the same question?” Min asked. “Honestly, Tae. I know you were miserable, so I get why you thought dropping everything might be a good idea . . . if you’re drunk. But what are you going to do now? Are you just gonna live off being the Korean handyman of Southern California? And what about Mom and Dad’s bills?”

“You’re the moneybags. How about you chip in a little more?”

“Like that’s fair? You’re being like the people who just live off welfare and food stamps and don’t even look for work.”

“Please don’t spew your conservative bullshit at me. I hate that. I hate when you play the privileged asshole and look down on people. We’re not even one generation removed from immigrant parents who scraped by to make a living.”

“Says the liberal asshole who has no job. Mom and Dad were always too easy on you because you’re cute. It’s like they turned off being typical Korean parents expecting the world of their children when it came to you. You could never and can never do any wrong in their eyes.”

“When did you turn so bitter? I’m home taking care of them and the medical shit. We agreed I’d do that since you couldn’t.” More like wouldn’t. “They know that it came at a sacrifice for me, and I appreciate that they’re not pressuring me. Not like before . . .” Tae stopped himself.

“Oh no, you don’t get to go blaming me because you’re miserable in Chicago. I only helped get you that job because Dad asked me to. He was worried about you, your future. And look at you now.”

“If I had never taken that job, if I had never moved to Chicago—”

“Then, what? You’d have taken over Dad’s landscaping business? Does Kim and Son have the ring to it you’re looking for?” Min asked, judgment dripping from his voice.

“Jesus, you’re a snob. That landscaping business paid for your schooling, jackass.” Tae shook his head. He was tired of this argument. “Look, I’m not blaming you for my life in Chicago. It’s just . . . I lost myself a little while I was out there. So now I’m just trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do.” Shit, he really shouldn’t be telling his brother this. He needed support, not a lecture reminding him what a failure he was.

“Fine, but I wouldn’t take too long trying to figure it out, little brother. You lose value when your résumé has gaps in it, especially when you can’t use caregiver as an excuse. And do you ever plan on getting married? Having kids of your own?”

“I’m twenty-five. It’s not like my life is over.” Tae thought about the pressures Julia was feeling. Was it only a Korean thing? Or did all people of a certain age worry about success and disappointment? “Anyways, can we change the subject, please? I mean the conversation is so pleasant and all, and I really can’t wait to do it again sometime. When are you coming home to visit? It’s been weeks, and you know Mom gets extra naggy at me when she doesn’t have you to spread it around. Plus, Dad’s looking a lot better now, so you don’t have to avoid him.”

“I wasn’t avoiding him, jackass. Look, it’s crazy busy at work right now. And since they have their beloved Tae at home to keep them happy, they don’t need me to visit as often,” Min said.

“That’s bullshit. It’s not one or the other for Mom and Dad. And it’s not a competition. Hyung, stop acting like a baby and show up for the family.”

“Mom and Dad only need and want you in times of crisis. That’s been proven time and again. Why do I need to show up any more than I do? You’re already there.”

“First, you barely show up at all. Second, they call on me because you’re the ambitious, driven one making something of his life. I’m the willing-to-drop-everything one in the family. Because I never really had anything to lose.”

“Whatever.” Min took the beer out of Tae’s hand.

“Hey!”

“Go get another one. These are my beers, and I don’t want to get up.”

Fucking big brothers. Tae stood to get another beer in the kitchen.

“You’ll never believe what Mom said to me today,” Min shouted from the living room.

“Oh God, do I wanna even know?”

“She wants to set me up on a date with Julia Song.” Tae slammed the fridge door harder than he’d planned, heat rising up his spine at the reminder. “She totally wants to disregard that I’m in love with Andrea and we’re getting married. She thinks Julia, the Korean princess, is a better option. Don’t get me wrong. Julia is gorgeous and successful. But she’s so awkward. And honestly, if she was so great, why is she still single at her age?”

“She’s only thirty. That’s nothing.” Tae turned a dining chair around and straddled it facing the TV. “And she’s not awkward. She’s been busy building a successful business. It’s asinine that people want to blame a woman for being single when she’s successful. Maybe the dudes she dated were douchebags.”

“I don’t know, word on the street with the guys I know is that she is brutal. She makes men cry, she’s so honest and scary. She’s hot, but not worth putting up with.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Tae had to restrain himself from standing up, ready to fight his asshole brother if he needed to. “Sounds like your friends are a bunch of wimps if they can’t handle some honesty from a woman.”

Min chuckled, shaking his head. “I see you still have a crush on our neighbor. Why aren’t you the one Mom’s trying to set up with Julia? Oh yeah, because you’re cute but unemployed.”

“Fuck you.”

The words were the truth. He’d said them to himself before. But hearing someone else say it out loud stung a bit more. He knew he had no chance with Julia. Plus, with Tae having his own baggage of caring for his family, marriage was the last thing he wanted or needed right now.

All that said, it hurt a man’s ego to not even be in consideration. Like he needed any more reminders that he hadn’t made anything of his life.

“Just do me a favor and help me get this stupid idea out of Mom’s head? She only listens to you. It’s never gonna happen. But if Andrea gets wind of Mom even suggesting it, it’ll hurt her.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll talk to Mom . . . again. Hey, do you know if that Korean restaurant on Jamboree is still open, the one with the kick-ass banchan?”

“Seoul House? Yeah, I just went there last week.”

Tae picked up his phone and sent Julia a quick message with the name of the restaurant for their practice date. Julia immediately wrote back with a thumbs-up. Tae smiled down at the message.

“Do I even want to know what that smile is about?” Min asked.

“Nothing,” Tae said, pocketing his phone. “I’m just helping Julia out with something.”

“And why am I not surprised? Whatever it is, it was probably your suggestion too. I’d be careful following around the Ice Princess, if I was you. Nothing good can come out of you spending time with her. She’s in a league you have no business playing in.”

Min had no idea what he was talking about. Tae had no intention of getting hurt. He only wanted to help a friend and have a little fun in the process.

Plus, he’d promised both Julia and her halmoni. Tae was a man of his word and always completed the job.

11
Tae’s Guide to Dating

Tae

Tae suggested Julia meet him at Seoul House, a tiny hole-in-the-wall Korean restaurant in their neighborhood.

Julia had always been a picky eater, one who never liked eating her veggies. A vegetarian who didn’t like vegetables. Now, that was a challenge. So the worst part of this first setup date was that the dude was taking her to a Korean barbecue restaurant. At seven. In K-town. The guy was not winning any charm points in Tae’s mind.

But Tae promised to prepare Julia so that she would have a good time and maybe stop beating up on herself over failed dates. A few practice dates that led to, potentially, a few successful dates might not be the cure for Julia’s insecurities, but they could help ease her stress.

It had been a long week of phone calls with his dad’s insurance company. Issues with claims and refusal of payments left Tae with bills, one, that he shouldn’t have to pay and, two, he didn’t have the money to. He had a couple paying gigs this week, but he would need to get some more work on his plate sooner than later.

Luckily this place had great food . . . and it was cheap.

Tae heard the bell to the front door jingle, and with the sun at her back, Julia walked in looking like a movie star. She took her obviously expensive sunglasses off and tucked her long bangs behind her ear, a move Tae had come to realize was her tell. She was nervous.

Tae could actually hear his own heart pounding inside him. He took a quick drink of water, his mouth so freaking dry.

This was not a real date, he reminded himself. Don’t get it twisted. Julia had always little-brother-zoned Tae. And he made it a general rule in life not to date anyone out of his league. He didn’t need those insecurities floating around in his head. Maybe that was one of the reasons he was good at this, why women liked him. He only dated women he felt comfortable with, which in turn, made them feel comfortable with him.

This mutual comfort was something he was going to help Julia get used to for her dates.

“Jules, over here.” Tae waved a hand till Julia noticed him. She smiled and walked over.

“You found it okay?”

“Yeah. I hadn’t realized the shabu shabu place went out of business. Is this place good?”

“It’s one of my favorite local spots.”

“Awesome, can’t wait to try it.” Julia pulled the napkin off the table and put it in her lap. She kept her head down, looking at her hands. “So how do we do this?”

Tae smiled even though he knew Julia couldn’t see.

“Hi, I’m Tae.” He reached out a hand. Maybe it was a little cheesy, forcing her to start with an intro, pretending they didn’t know each other. But Tae got the sense Julia took herself too seriously sometimes. Cheesy might be just the trick.

She lifted her head and looked at his outstretched hand. A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Oh, the girl likes a little role-playing. Well, okay, then.

“Hi, Tae. I’m Julia.” She shook his hand, and he held it for just a second longer than he needed to.

Tae wondered if Julia had ever engaged in some role-playing behind closed doors. He could imagine her dressed in her CEO best, ordering the local handyman to strip down while she watched.

He quickly cleared his throat and readjusted himself in his chair.

“So what’s good here?” Julia looked away, picked up the menu and started to review. She crinkled her nose and frowned.

Time for Tae to take over. “Considering Michael Lee chose a barbecue restaurant, I looked online to see if their menu had other things you could eat. Now, I recall you don’t particularly like vegetables in general, and unless things have changed, you used to typically avoid spicy stuff. But I thought I’d pick some dishes for you to try here and see if it might be good?”

Julia nodded, but she looked unconvinced.

“Trust me?” Tae asked.

Julia looked up and him, lips puckered, eyes narrowed, taking the time to determine whether she did, in fact, trust Tae or not when it came to food.

“Sure,” she said. “I’ll taste and see.”

Tae released a silent sigh of relief. He wasn’t sure how this would all go, but it seemed Julia was in for the ride. That made all his plans a lot easier. He reached over and picked up the gift bag and put it on the table in front of Julia.

“What’s this?” she asked. She reached into the bag and pulled out a small notebook, examining the cover. Her smile spread as she saw the title. “Tae’s Guide to Dating,” she read aloud.

“I figured you might want to take some notes during our practice sessions. I remember how meticulous you are about research and being prepared.”

“This cover is amazing. How did you do this?” She ran her fingers over the cherry blossoms he’d carved in a thin piece of birch plywood. She looked up at him in awe. “I’ve never seen a notebook with a wooden cover.”

Julia’s reaction to the simple woodwork had him floating on cloud nine. “Yeah, just something I made.”

“It’s really gorgeous. You’re really talented. You were always making things and fixing things with your hands. I’m actually surprised you didn’t end up being a carpenter or something like that by trade. No wonder you’ve been so helpful with everyone with their home renovations. My facilities team also says you’ve been instrumental in getting our office-reno project off the ground.”

Tae needed to change the topic before Julia noticed his blush. He cleared his throat to regain his composure.

“It’s nothing. I just answered some basic questions for them. Anyways, write down the things I order, and mark the ones you like so you can remember the dishes.”

Julia nodded and opened up the notebook. She reached into her purse and pulled out two pens, a black one and a red one.

“Still taking notes with multicolored pens, I see.”

“It’s my method. It’s worked for me since high school, and I stick with the things that work.”

“You have always been the loyal type,” Tae said.

She smiled and lowered her eyes. “You’re the definition of the word,” she said. “Word on the street is you’re seeing someone out in Chicago?” she asked casually.

How did she manage to keep turning the conversation back on him? He didn’t want to talk about himself. He didn’t want to be examined only to have all his huge cracks exposed. “We broke up a few months ago when I decided to come back home.” Tae didn’t think Kari would appreciate him talking about their relationship to someone else. So he left it at that instead of going into how it wasn’t actually that serious in the first place.

Julia nodded slowly, taking in the new information she’d been given. “It has to have been tough putting your life in Chicago on hold and being out here for your family. It’s really amazing, the sacrifices you’ve made.”

And there was that blush again. “Thing is, it hasn’t really been that tough. I mean, my dad being sick sucked big-time. But now that he’s on the mend, I just don’t feel the rush to get back to Chicago.”

Julia nodded again, letting the silence grow. Tae was curious what she was thinking but wasn’t sure he could handle any judgment on his life at the moment.

“Well, as attractive as I personally find a girl with a notebook, make sure not to pull it out during the dates themselves.”

“As if,” she snorted. God, she was cute.

“One of the things we should practice today is paying attention to the person you’re with. It’s good for a man’s ego. And don’t take this personally, but it’s definitely something you need to work on.”

“Really?” She opened her mouth to protest further, but Tae jumped in.

“Don’t get defensive. I’ve just noticed that your mind goes at a mile a minute, especially when you’re not one hundred percent comfortable with whatever situation you’re in. You were this way when we were kids too. So you tend to be thinking ahead rather than listening. You’re thinking on commenting on their clothes or their work or—”

“Did Rachel and Sonia rat me out? The bowling shirt was unfortunate, but he wasn’t broken by the comment.”

“Julia, relax. Look at me,” Tae said. Julia’s eyes focused in on Tae’s. The big, round, light brown eyes caught him off guard. He hadn’t been prepared for their entire focus.

He cleared his throat. “Um, do you have any food allergies?”

“No. I tell people I’m allergic to tomatoes, but it’s a lie to not have to explain that I just don’t like them.”

“You’re a nut,” Tae said.

“In my experience, way too many people just can’t comprehend if someone doesn’t like tomatoes. It’s like I’ve committed a food crime.”

Tae had never even thought about it. You don’t like something, don’t eat it. “Okay, I’m gonna start picking out some dishes. Write this down.”

Julia nodded and listened as Tae called over the server and ordered their meal.

“Can I ask you something?” A thought had been niggling in Tae’s brain the last couple days, and he might as well put it out there.

“Sure, shoot,” Julia said.

“I’ve known you a long time. And you’re super cool. You’re nice and funny and generous and smart. I can’t wrap my head around why your dates haven’t been more successful in the past. So I’m wondering . . .”

She raised her eyebrows, waiting. She didn’t seem mad. She just seemed curious at what his theory might be.

“Do you think you might subconsciously sabotage dates? What I’m asking is—well, maybe you don’t really want to be in a relationship right now. What with everything going on with your career and success. And so maybe you don’t let your true self show when meeting new people.”

Tae recalled Julia mentioning something like this that day on the playground when she’d had too much to drink. They’d never spoken about that day, never discussed some of the things Julia had shared while tipsy. He was quite sure she didn’t even remember opening up the way she had, especially since it was the first time they’d spoken in years. But Tae remembered. And he was curious to know more, to dig deeper, to figure out the puzzle that was Julia Song.

Besides, Julia would need to address it if she was ever going to be successful at dating. And it was technically his job to help make that happen.

“That’s interesting,” she said, looking out the window, pondering. She turned back to Tae. “I don’t mean to sabotage dates. But I might be subconsciously doing so, out of rebellion or sheer stubbornness. Or protecting myself from getting hurt? I’ve just always hated feeling like I had to tone myself down in any way to impress a man or, worse, to avoid intimidating him.

“But turning thirty has amped up the pressure a few notches, for sure. And being single is starting to feel like some form of failure. I’ve just never understood why married-with-children was the default and a woman has to explain why she’s still single. No one asks a woman to explain choosing to be married or a mother.

“I mean, I eventually do want a relationship. But I’ve always wanted that to be my choice. And with each new year, it feels like it’s become less and less so.” She shrugged.

Tae reached over and squeezed her hand. He appreciated so much what she was saying. He’d been wondering some of these things about himself lately. Was he sabotaging life in order to rebel against expectations that he hadn’t signed up for? “This is exactly what I’m feeling these days too.”

“Really? Wow, and here I was envying you because you don’t seem to worry about what other people think. You’re just so confidently you.”

“Thanks, Julia. I appreciate you falling for my cover.”

She lifted her hand up in a fist, ready to fight for his honor. Tae wanted to wrap his hand around that fist and pull her close, but he sat on his hands to prevent any foolish moves.

“No, I definitely am not confidently me, as you put it. I’m not even sure who I am, to be honest.” Shit, this was not a path Tae wanted to go down in this conversation. “But you—you most definitely should feel proud of all your success. Starlight is killing it.”

“Anyways . . .” she said and tucked her hair behind her ear. Guess neither of them liked having compliments given to them.

“I realize all these setups just add to that pressure you’ve been feeling. But think of it this way. They’re just dates. It’s a chance to figure out if you like the person’s company. Or not. You know what they say. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.”

“I hate frogs.”

Tae laughed. “Noted. But how do you feel about eggplant?”

“Wow, I totally thought that I didn’t like eggplant my whole life. This was by far my favorite,” Julia said, leaning back in her chair and patting her stomach. “And that bean sprout dish, it’s not like the kind my mom typically makes. This one was really good.” She stopped and pointed at Tae. “Don’t you dare tell her I just said that. She’ll take it as a bash on her cooking, and I’ll never hear the end of it. And no sign of heartburn at all. It’s a miracle.”

Tae and Julia had finished dinner, trying a number of different things on the menu. Julia, surprising both herself and Tae, enjoyed all of them. Apparently, she’d only told herself that she was a vegetarian who didn’t like vegetables and was convinced she could never go to a Korean barbecue restaurant. But now she had a couple dishes ready to order on the night of the big date.

“I feel like you not only prepped me for my date but opened up my world to Korean food I’d never experienced before.”

“Seriously, Julia, you act like you grew up in some small village isolated from the world.”

“I know. I guess I just had it in my mind I didn’t like certain things, and people around me were convinced that was true, including myself.” She stopped. “Huh, I wonder if that’s true with other things too.”

Tae wasn’t expecting Julia to have a life’s epiphany here during lunch. But he was curious now too what kinds of things she might never have given a chance before.

“I’m surprised your mom didn’t make you eat some of this stuff growing up. My mom force-fed liver down my throat. There was no refusing something from my mom’s table. No way.”

Julia laughed. “I’d have preferred that than to be forced-dating. Your mom seems so cool about it with you.”

“My mom wasn’t the biggest fan of my ex. So that might be a reason she’s okay with me being single,” Tae said.

“No? That’s surprising. Your mom loves everyone.”

“Kari didn’t really understand why I have to spend so much time out here.”

“But your dad was sick. What’s not to understand?”

“Yeah, but with me, there tends to be no middle ground or doing things half-assed. I dropped everything, my job, my apartment, my relationship, my life, to come home. And I would do it all over again. But in most people’s minds they can’t understand sacrificing that much, my whole life, for someone else.”

“That’s who you are, Tae. You dropped out of college to come help your dad’s business the first time. I don’t think you ever complained even once,” Julia said.

“I just never saw it as a sacrifice,” Tae explained.

“That’s what I mean. Family is your life. Taking care of them is what brings you satisfaction. And if someone doesn’t understand that, they never made the attempt to understand you, in my opinion.” She stopped and covered her mouth. “Shit, I didn’t mean that to sound mean. I don’t even know Kari. I’m sorry.”

Tae shook his head. He didn’t want Julia to worry about anything she’d say to him. “Thanks, Jules. I really appreciate you saying this. I mean, you’re the same way. You’d do, are doing, everything for your family. I don’t have a lot of people who understand or validate the choices I’ve made. But I’m glad there’s you.”

The words hung in the air, but Tae wasn’t going to regret saying them.

“You’re a good egg, Tae. Even the fact that you’re willing to help me out with these crazy setups is so true to who you are. It’s why you’re so amazing. It’s why you’re the treasured star of Irvine, California,” Julia said. There was a sparkle in her eye.

Tae laughed. “Rich, coming from the beloved princess of Irvine, California.”

“Ice Princess,” she said.

“Beloved princess,” Tae insisted.

“Undateable princess.”

“Julia . . .” Tae added a warning in his voice.

Tae caught himself staring at Julia’s smile, realizing he had a matching one on his own face. He was having a good time. And, it was clear, so was she.

“So, Jules, did you complete the prework I assigned? Do you have your I’m-interested-in-your-life questions ready?”

“When have I ever come to class unprepared? I’ve got them right here, Coach,” Julia said, tapping a finger to her temple.

He lifted his chin to the notebook. “Write them down for good measure.”

Julia turned the page in her notebook and began to write. “What kind of law do you practice?” she said aloud as she wrote. “Note: do not question if he is a criminal defense attorney or if he represents Big Pharma or oil companies in any cases. Just nod and appreciate the effort it took to get through law school, pass the bar, and work as a lawyer.”

Tae laughed. She took some mean notes.

“Solid conversation starter,” he noted. “But try and sound interested, ya know? Maybe I should ask, are you interested? I mean, can you see yourself with a lawyer?”

Julia looked off to the side, considering his question. “I’ve gone on dates with a couple lawyers. It hasn’t ended well, to be honest. I find most of them self-absorbed and doing the work without any kind of purpose. They work long hours and are driven more by money and winning.”

“Well, technically, that does check the boxes of smart and successful. If Michael Lee from Fullerton is tall, we could have a love match,” Tae said jokingly.

But this time Julia didn’t laugh. Instead, she looked a little lost. She turned her gaze back to Tae. “I think it’s becoming pretty clear I really don’t know what I want after all,” she said quietly.

He held her eyes and gave her a small smile. “Well, then these dates could be the perfect chance for you to find out.”

As Julia smiled back, nodding in response, Tae pushed away the hope that maybe in all of this he could find out what he wanted too.

12
Meatfest

Julia

“Happy first setup date!”

Rachel’s perfect red lip formed into a kiss through FaceTime. Julia had managed to put the date out of her mind, mostly, for the entire day. It had been a really good one for her. A meeting with Andrew Lim of Hansuk Holdings was on the calendar in a couple weeks when he’d be in town from Korea. Good, because recent sales were showing an unheard-of one hundred percent increase year-over-year. And good, because they were finally able to hire the design director they wanted to work on their new packaging and retail storefronts. Nothing was going to dampen her mood. Not the accompanying challenges these successes came with . . .

And not a sure-to-be awkward first setup.

“Really, Jules, I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to go through this rite of passage. Most of us surrendered in our early twenties. How have you held out? You’re an inspiration.”

“I’ve been shamed and guilted to this point. I am but a shell of my true self,” Julia whined.

“Snap out of it. Don’t count this experience out before you’ve even met the guy. Though . . .” Rachel pursed her lips together and shook her head. “I can’t believe this guy is taking you to a Korean barbecue place. Hold your phone up a little bit. I want to see what you’re wearing for this meatfest. I still do not understand why you didn’t just tell him you were a vegetarian.”

“You guys told me to not always say what’s on my mind. Remember?”

“We didn’t tell you to be a robot or a mail-order bride,” Rachel said. “You’re just not supposed to be brutally honest. That’s different from just being you.”

“I didn’t want to have to explain all my quirks and issues with food. It’s fine. Tae helped me figure out what I can order so that the night won’t be a total disaster and end up with me starving. This way, I’ll at least be fed before the inevitable disaster of conversation hits.”

“Oh yes, Tae. These practice dates are the one thing that make the fact that you barely know how to feed yourself worth it. So, tell me everything. How did it go with Tae? What did he wear? Was it form-fitting?”

“I’m hanging up now,” Julia said.

“Okay, okay, I’m kidding. Sheesh. Anyways, are you feeling ready?” Rachel asked.

“Does ready feel the same as imminent doom? It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just dinner. I’ve done the dinner thing tons of times. All I really need to do is be chill enough for a couple hours that he doesn’t go blabbing to his mom that I’m neurotic and cruel, and word spreads to the four corners of the Korean universe.”

“Koreans really are everywhere. Did I tell you my friend saw a Korean restaurant in some remote village in Iceland?”

“Great, so even the Koreans in Iceland will get the news.”

“Have fun, Jules. It will all be fine. You’re looking at it from the what-could-go-wrong perspective. But who knows? You could end up talking to the love of your life tonight.” Rachel couldn’t hold back her giggle. “Call me tomorrow and give me the rundown.”

“Thanks, Rachel. Wait. We’re not gonna set up some text alert if it’s going awful and I need you to rescue me?”

“That’s so ten years ago. You can download apps to do that for you now. Okay, gotta run. Love you!”

“Bye.”

Julia stared at the screen for a second longer, trying to remember her best friend’s smiling face, an expression of confidence in Julia that she wouldn’t mess this up in the afterimage.

“Hey, boss, I’m taking off. I put the directions to the restaurant into the GPS in your car. Just press route 1. Oh, and hold these just in case.” Annette passed Julia two capsule pills.

“What are these?”

“They’re diuretics. Will give you the shits within minutes. If the date’s going bad, take both, grab your stomach, give a slight groan, and tell him you have to go because you’re not feeling well.”

“Um, why can’t I just pretend to have the stomachache without taking the pills? Won’t I be stuck driving home desperate for a bathroom?”

“Yeah, but it’ll make for a better story tomorrow for you to tell me. I’m already cracking up thinking of you squeezing your butt—”

“Annette!”

“What? Don’t take the pills, then. Fine. It was just an option. Sheesh. Okay, have fun. Don’t be weird. It will be fine. Bye.”

It was just dinner. Dinner with a total stranger. Dinner with a total stranger she knew nothing about and who had the power to embarrass Julia and shame her family name for the rest of time.

What ever could go wrong?

Julia called it.

Traffic on the 10 freeway heading east was a nightmare. In Los Angeles it didn’t matter what day of the week, it often didn’t matter what time of the day, the 10 was going to be bad. And always, without fail, when you were trying to get somewhere by a certain time.

She arrived at the restaurant by seven fifteen, but there was no parking. This was clearly one of the newer, trendier places in K-town, and every Korean under forty within LA proper who fell into a certain income level was trying to get into the tiny parking lot of this small strip mall. She found a parking garage a block away and hustled to get to the restaurant. It was 7:26. Shit.

She walked in the door and immediately realized she had no idea what Michael Lee from Fullerton even looked like. Why hadn’t she suggested he wear a blue sweater and have a book with a rose on it sitting on the table? As she scanned the uncomfortably packed restaurant, Julia could swear she felt the breath of every patron and employee mixing in the air and settling on the fibers of her clothing. She shivered in disgust. Too many people in one small space.

Her eyes finally settled on a man sitting by himself, looking incredibly impatient. Bingo.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I really do think seven thirty would have been a better time for us to meet. The traffic was just—”

“Dangshin, who is this girl?”

Julia looked up to see a woman standing next to her looking down as if she wanted to tear her to shreds. She looked over to the startled man sitting at the seat across from her.

“I don’t know. She just sat down and started talking about traffic. Miss, I think you’re in the wrong—”

Julia stood up quickly. “I’m so sorry. Case of mistaken identity. Please forgive me.”

Julia walked away, mortified.

A hand suddenly grabbed her arm, and Julia jumped and screamed, “I take kickboxing!”

A few heads turned as she whipped around to see who grabbed her. “Julia? Are you Julia Song? I’m Michael.”

“Michael. Oh my God, I’m so, so sorry. The traffic. And that man was sitting alone. And it’s so busy in here. And I didn’t know what you looked like.”

Michael smiled at her. He didn’t look mad. He looked . . . charmed by Julia. She pulled herself together in relief. “I’m so sorry. Can we start over?”

His smile spread, and Julia snuck a longer look. Chiseled features, high cheekbones, straight nose, a few errant eyebrow hairs. Good. Handsome, but not in that overly manscaped way.

“Sure. Our table’s over here.” He led the way, and Julia followed.

When they were both seated, Julia took a second to look around the restaurant. It was just too crowded, and servers were shimmying out of the way of patrons in the aisles, precariously holding trays filled with . . . raw meat. A wave hit Julia with the smell of the flesh, and she felt slightly nauseous. She grabbed the glass of water sitting on the table and drank the whole thing. She just needed to calm down. She could get through this.

“It’s nice to meet you, Julia.”

Oh, right, talking. Pleasantries. A date like regular people who are not-like-Julia go on.

“Nice to meet you too. This place is, um, very hip.”

Michael smiled. “Yeah, it’s pretty much the most popular restaurant right now. I know the owner. He goes to my parents’ church. So he set us up to with a table. They don’t usually take reservations.”

Julia noted that she’d not likely ever return here until the buzz died down. Oh, and until they stopped serving trays and trays of raw meat. She just didn’t like places that forced you to wait outside for hours for food. She kept this all to herself, of course. She was a reformed conversationalist.

“I apologize, again, for keeping you waiting. The traffic was rough. I think seven thirty might’ve been a good call after all.”

“Oh, I didn’t hit much traffic on the way. But I left a little earlier just in case.”

Julia nodded. Good for you, buddy. Must be nice to be so prepared.

Be nice, Julia, she rebuked herself for her inner snarkiness.

“Since you’re late, I took the liberty to order for us. I got us the chef’s special with the wagyu and kobe. It’s the best here. It will melt in your mouth.”

What was currently in her mouth was bile. If she didn’t say something now, politely, she would likely be vomiting on the table later, impolitely.

“Oh, um, would you mind if I looked at the menu? I’m a vegetarian. Which shouldn’t be a problem despite this being a barbecue restaurant. I know there are plenty of things for me to enjoy.”

Michael looked stricken. Poor guy. Yes, it was a faux pas. But he shouldn’t beat himself up over it. The date could still be saved.

Julia patted herself on the internal back at her positive outlook.

“You don’t eat meat? Is it a political thing? Are you a liberal, Green New Deal, Medicare-for-all type?”

Julia bit down on her cheeks. Hold it. Hold it. She pasted a fake smile on her face. She took a good look at Michael. Lawyer, from Orange County, smug smile all equaled likely Republican. This didn’t have to be a deal-breaker. Okay, so she could cross off marrying the guy. Julia tried not to feel disappointed that date number one was already going to be a bust when it came to love and longevity. But she could still salvage her parents’ good standing in the community by surviving the date and showing him a decent time.

“Now, now. My mother raised me to never talk politics or religion at the dinner table,” she said. At her family dinner table, they reserved the time to talk gossip about everyone in their town instead.

“Fair. Maybe not necessary for first-date conversation.”

“So you’re a lawyer? What kind of law?”

“I do mostly corporate contracts, some mergers and acquisitions,” he answered.

Julia nodded as she kinda sorta listened. “That sounds incredibly . . .” She couldn’t come up with an appropriate word. Her head screamed boring! and then snoozer and then crooked. She finally settled on “. . . necessary.”

“Oh, it is. Companies could not do work without these contracts reviewed and redlined and signed. I don’t think it would be overstating to say that it’s one of the most important steps to the American economy today.”

Well, it’s good that you didn’t want to overstate, Julia thought. She forced her eyes not to roll back in her head.

“Let’s order drinks while we wait for our food, and then I want to hear all about your little makeup company.” She didn’t feel it necessary to tell him that her little makeup company brought in more money than he’d ever see. Though, she really, really wanted to.

Michael called over the waiter.

“Yes, sir. What can I get for you?”

Julia still hadn’t looked at a menu yet and was starting to get hangry.

“Can you bring us your best cabernet to go with the chef’s special, something to pair perfectly with the wagyu and kobe. Also, please bring out extra banchan, especially the fish. Oh, and extra rice, brown.”

“Yes, sir, right away,” the waiter said and left their table. Julia hadn’t even had the chance to order.

“Wait—”

“Julia, I promise it will be more than enough food. Was there something else you wanted?”

“I’m a vegetarian,” she said once again. This time with more force than before.

“You really have a lot of . . .” He waved his hands around in the air, trying to find just the right word that would get his point across without offending . . . too much.

Julia waited. Let’s see. Which word would he choose? Issues? Complaints? Opinions?

“. . . challenges . . .”

Ahhh, that was one Julia hadn’t heard before.

“. . . to ordering. But don’t worry, there will be a lot of vegetables in the banchan. And trust me, this isn’t meat. It’s wagyu.”

Julia stared at him. Was he for real? What, was he going to force the meat down her throat just because he thought there was a difference? The nerve. She didn’t eat meat. How hard was that for him to understand? Neanderthal.

Julia wanted to cry. That or she wanted to punch Michael Lee from Fullerton in the face. But physical violence certainly wouldn’t follow Tae’s Guide to Dating. She reached into her purse to get an antacid. Her reflux was coming on strong. Julia suddenly panicked that the pill she was holding was one of Annette’s diuretics. Maybe she’d pass on the meds and live in burning agony instead.

Julia thought back to her practice date with Tae. He told her that if she’d ever found herself in a situation during the night in which she wanted to scream, she should hold her breath and count to three before doing anything else. Tae held her fingers lightly in his hand. “Breathe in, Julia,” he said softly. She closed her eyes and did as he said. “One, two, three,” he counted. “Now breathe out.” One, two, three she counted in her head.

She’d tried the technique a couple times at work that week, and it did, in fact, work to settle her emotions.

Breathe in. One, two, three. Breathe out.

It was fine. She could survive the night on just rice and banchan. Never mind that she didn’t like brown rice. And never mind that she was starving.

“I didn’t know there were any Koreans who were vegetarians.”

“It surprises a lot of people that most of Korean food actually is vegetable-based. They usually only associate barbecue with Korean food,” Julia explained.

“Yes, but most of the vegetables are there as a compliment to the excellent meat,” Michael Lee insisted.

“Actually, many Koreans historically couldn’t afford meat, and not just wagyu, which if I’m not mistaken is from Japan.”

Why was she even trying to get into it with him? Was it worth throwing a potential suitor out the window just to argue about meat? But he wasn’t even listening. He hadn’t listened to her about the traffic. He definitely hadn’t listened to her about her dietary restrictions. And . . .

Now he was head-down in his phone, the blue Facebook logo reflecting off his glasses. Who still used Facebook? Moms, book clubs, and Korean lawyers in Orange County, apparently.

Julia stared at the top of his head. She began counting the few gray hairs she noticed. She was up to fourteen by the time he looked back up at her.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

His widened.

“Forgive me. A lawyer’s work is never done.” He laughed as if lawyer jokes made by lawyers themselves were the funniest things ever.

Julia laughed too . . . a strained, agonized chuckle begging for this night to be over.

13
Making Kimchi

Tae

Tae hated confrontation. It was probably why he was stuck in this limbo in his life. He could make the tough decisions if he had to. He just didn’t want to have to disappoint people with his choices.

And thus, sitting on his sofa, staring at his phone screen at Kari in tears, Tae’s stomach was in knots. They’d been broken up for months, but because Tae had put off having the kind of closure conversation Kari seemed to need, she couldn’t let it go. She couldn’t let him go. And it was hurting her.

He wanted to tell her he wasn’t worth the tears.

“Kari, don’t cry, please,” he pleaded.

“I’m sorry, Tae,” Kari said. “I just wish this wasn’t so hard.”

“Me too. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that my life and the choices I’ve had to make have made this hard on you. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. I swear.”

She let out a sob, and much to Tae’s surprise, tears welled up in his eyes as well. Knowing that he’d hurt a person he cared about felt like shit. But he didn’t have the heart to tell her he’d never really been hers to lose. That the Tae Kim who lived and worked in Chicago, the one she’d been dating, was a shell of his real self. That he was just going through the motions fueled by societal pressures on what he thought he needed to be.

“I know we weren’t together that long, but for some reason, I just . . . really wanted this to work,” Kari said through her tears.

“I know, Kari. I’m sorry. But we’re so different, and our lives are going in opposite directions. I don’t think it’s fair to either of us to try and hold on to something that wasn’t working.” God, he hoped this didn’t sound like some practiced bullshit, because it was all actually what Tae was feeling.

“So you’re staying in Irvine for sure? You’ve decided,” she asked. Her shoulders slumped as if it had been the final blow.

Thing was, Tae hadn’t officially decided. He knew what he wanted. He just didn’t know if it was a choice he could make. It was one thing to say he’d be happy, but another to actually have to live a life without a steady paycheck, without full privacy and independence. But he wouldn’t tell Kari about his doubts.

“Yeah, I’m staying,” he said.

She sobbed harder.

He hoped she could accept this now and move on. Probably wasn’t good timing to let her know that based on his track record, she’d likely be marrying the next man she dated. But he took heart that maybe it could happen.

Tae was tempted to stay in bed the rest of the day and feel sorry for himself. He’d ruined a relationship and broken a girl’s heart. It was a pretty shitty day.

Dark. Life felt dark. If he closed his eyes for a little bit here in bed . . . just for a minute . . .

But he promised his mother he’d carry some boxes of cabbage and cucumbers over to the Songs’ house for their monthly kimchi-making day. So Tae forced himself up, forced himself to put his shoes on, and forced himself to head upstairs and help.

It took him three trips between their houses, and each time he entered the backyard, he marveled at the ladies crouched down in the infamous kimchi squat, rubber gloves on, hunched over large plastic basins filled with vegetables and spicy red chili powder. It looked like hard labor, kimchi-making, but he had to admit, he was very thankful that they did it so he could eat it all.

“This is the last box, Umma. Do you need anything else?” Tae asked.

“No, but Tae, if you’re not busy, why don’t you sit and make kimchi with us. You will be the first man in the neighborhood to know how to do this. What an honor,” she said jokingly. Mrs. Song and Grandma Song both laughed along with her.

Tae wasn’t sure if she was serious or not, but he actually was interested in learning how to make kimchi. Some good old-fashioned manual labor with his hands could be just what he needed right now as a distraction. “Okay, I’d love to.”

“Whaa, our Tae really is a special man,” Mrs. Song said.

Grandma Song grunted in what Tae hoped was agreement.

After only twenty minutes of hunching over, stuffing and coating cabbage leaves with peppers, Tae’s back was killing him, his hands were tired, and his eyes burned. At this rate he’d never keep up with the ajummas.

A phone rang from inside the house.

“Tae, can you please run and get my cell phone from the kitchen counter and bring it out here? Just answer it on Speaker. I don’t want to take my gloves off,” Mrs. Song said. Tae wasn’t going to point out that he, too, was wearing gloves. He was just thankful for the reprieve.

He pulled his gloves off and ran in to get the phone, swiping to answer it. He tapped the Speaker button and held it up toward Mrs. Song’s ear.

“Julia, I spoke to Michael’s umma, and she said that Michael said that the date went really well. Did you like him? Are you going to see him again?”

Forget the greetings, Mrs. Song got straight to the point.

“Hi, Mom. My day is going really well, thanks for asking. Yes, my health is fine, and the weather is delightful,” Julia said sarcastically.

Tae smiled. Julia was such a nut.

“Ya, Julia, I have no time for silly meatless conversations,” Mrs. Song said. Tae smothered a laugh considering Julia was vegetarian. He wondered if Julia found it funny too.

“Oh, funny you should bring up meat,” Julia said.

“Julia, I don’t want to talk about cruelty to animals and how steaks hurt our planet right now. I want to hear about your date.”

“Mom, I’ve never accused steaks of hurting the planet—”

“Why, God? Why must I have such a spirited daughter who doesn’t just obey her mother?”

If Julia’s mom was anything like Tae’s, turning to pray to God in the middle of a conversation meant she was entering precarious territory. Tae felt slightly guilty that this was all happening for everyone to hear. He tried to get Mrs. Song’s attention, to signal to her that she should take this off Speaker. But she didn’t even acknowledge him standing there awkwardly holding her phone.

“Fine, Mom. The date was—” the pause was deafening “—it was fine.”

“Oh no. Julia, what did you do?” Mrs. Song asked.

“What did I do? Why are you assuming that I did something wrong? Why do you always think it’s my fault?”

“Julia, that’s not it. I’m just asking if maybe you were too strong about your opinions.”

Tae looked over at Grandma Song. The only indication that she was even listening to the conversation between Julia and her mother was the deep furrow between her brows. Grandma Song was a woman of few expressions. But that furrow was clear. She was paying attention to every word.

“What’s wrong with having opinions?” Julia asked.

“I don’t want you to scare him away is all,” her mom answered, continuing to make kimchi in the middle of what seemed like a pretty important conversation.

Tae’s mom, to her credit, pretended like she couldn’t hear a thing.

“Mom, Michael Lee took me to a barbecue restaurant and ordered hundreds of dollars of meat, even though he knew I was a vegetarian. He planned it for seven o’clock in K-town, even though I told him the traffic would be awful from where I was coming from. He ordered plates and plates of uncooked meat, cooked it at our table, and then put that meat on top of my bowl as if I was just gonna eat it. And then—” Julia stopped with a dramatic pause before delivering the knockout punch “—he ordered brown rice at a Korean restaurant.”

All three ladies gasped loudly.

The line was silent.

“Mother! Am I on speakerphone?”

“Oh, Julia, it’s just Halmoni,” her mom answered.

“Hi, Julia,” her grandma said.

“Taehyung-a, can you bring me the last box of cabbage?” Mrs. Song asked.

“Tae is there too?” Julia shrieked.

“Um, hey, Jules,” Tae answered. “And just to round it out for you, my mom is here too.” Tae felt he owed her that much.

“Hi, Julia,” Tae’s mom chimed in cheerfully, as if it wasn’t awkward at all that they were all here listening to Julia’s business.

“Oh. My. God. Mother,” Julia hissed.

Tae knew Julia was embarrassed and angry, but he suddenly found the whole thing hilarious. He couldn’t help himself. He let out a laugh.

“Tae Kim, are you laughing at me?” Julia asked.

“Uh, sorry, no. I mean, I am—laughing, that is—but I’m sorry too for laughing and for your bad date.” Could Tae fumble this any worse? “The dude sounds like an asshole, Jules. Sorry you had to go through that.”

“Tae, watch your mouth,” his mom said.

“I can’t believe everyone just heard me share all the details. Do the Schwartzes next door have their screen door open? Just wanna make sure they got the deets too. I mean, really, Tae, I know my mom’s phone. How loud does she have the volume set at?” Julia asked.

“Julia, stop yelling at Tae. Now, we need to think. What are we going to do? We can’t have you date someone who orders brown rice with Korean food. It’s not okay.”

You do not offend a traditional Korean woman with brown rice.

“Mother, I starved myself through an entire meal, and I didn’t even have an antacid with me. He didn’t listen to one thing that I had to say, and trust me, I said very little as it was. And he’s the kind of lawyer that runs small businesses into the ground. I just can’t see him again. I’m sorry.”

“I understand,” Mrs. Song said with a sigh. “I need to do better research before agreeing to the next man for you to date. Say, Julia, do you think, now that I know better, that I can have that date back and have three more chances?”

“Mother . . .”

“Okay, fine, no. But you’ll see, the next date will be better. The next man is going to be perfect. I know it,” Mrs. Song said.

“There is no such thing as perfect,” Grandma Song said out of the blue. All eyes turned to look at her. She was shoving the stuffed cabbage into large glass containers for storage. She leaned in, putting all her weight into it to get as much into the container as possible. It took an impressive amount of strength. Tae watched in fascination.

“Thank you, Halmoni. Finally, a voice of reason,” Julia said.

“Julia, the next date will be better. Don’t worry,” her grandmother said. Grandma Song looked up and locked eyes with Tae. Tae froze.

“Okay, Julia we have to go. We’re making kimchi,” her mom said, waving the phone away from her.

Tae took the phone off Speaker and pulled it up to his ear. “Hey, Julia, I’m sorry about that. I should have warned you the moment you started talking.” Tae felt the burden of guilt weigh on his shoulders. It was a shitty move on his part. He’d always been too chicken to ever question an elder. And, well, the Song women scared him a little.

“No, it’s fine. I was gonna call you next with the update anyways,” Julia said.

“It was that bad, huh? You doing okay?” Tae asked. He knew Julia would likely be beating herself up over the failed date.

“Yeah, it’s just . . .”

“Jules, you know it wasn’t your fault, right? The guy sounds like a real asshole. There’s nothing you could have or should have done differently. Except maybe make sure you have antacids on you next time,” Tae said.

“Thanks, Tae,” Julia said, her voice ten times lighter than it had been a moment earlier. That girl really needed to let herself off the hook, Tae thought. “You know what sucked most of all?”

“What?” Tae braced himself for what could be the worst part of the terrible date.

“I didn’t even get to order any of that yummy eggplant.”

She sounded miserable.

“I’ll take you back to Seoul House sometime soon for the eggplant we had. Will that make it better?” he asked.

“Deal,” she said.

Tae hung up the phone and turned, almost running straight into Grandma Song. She barely came up to his chest, but he had a feeling he’d be the one knocked to the ground in a collision with her. He looked down to see her staring back up at him.

“Taehyung-a, looks like we need to increase the efforts.” She was carrying one of the large glass jars filled with the seasoned cabbage. Tae grabbed it from her and set it on the counter. It was heavier than it looked. Damn, Grandma Song was strong. “I think you did a good job on your date with Julia. She had a good time. It didn’t go well with the lawyer, but at least she realizes it wasn’t her fault. This time when you date Julia, I want you to add a personal touch.”

“Uh . . . Halmoni. I’m not dating Julia. I’m coaching her. These are just practice runs to prepare her for her real dates.”

Halmoni waved her hand, dismissing his words. “Make her really excited about something, Tae. Julia needs to have some fun. You figure out what to do.”

That was a lot to digest. He’d have to think this over. Depending on who the next setup was with and what that guy’s plans were for the date, Tae would need to consider what he could do to personalize it for Julia. But one thing was for sure, Grandma Song was right: Julia needed to see dating as fun. “Nae,” he said, bowing, showing he understood her request. “I can do that.”

“Good, you have two more chances for Julia to fall in love. I’m counting on you, Taehyung. Julia’s happiness rests in your hands. Remember, I will make it worth your efforts.”

Great. Seems he needed to have the conversation again with Grandma Song about not wanting payment for helping Julia. If he didn’t clarify this with both Halmoni and Julia, this could get messy.

But, as usual, before he could say a word, she gave a nod and a grunt and walked away.

Julia deserved to be happy. She sounded miserable on the phone call, and it didn’t feel right. Tae honestly didn’t know how he could make a difference. And yet, Grandma Song seemed to believe in him. And after talking to her, he felt more determined than ever to try.

14
Demo Days

Julia

Julia walked from station to station, checking all the products and the notes placed next to them.

Starlight’s New Product Demo Days typically happened before a line went into full production. A few randomly selected volunteers were invited to sit at beauty stations and test out products, reading all the information about what went into making it and what it was supposed to do. Then they filled out forms where the feedback would be recorded and sent back to Starlight’s development teams in case changes were needed because of such things as allergic reactions, unfavorable scents, or the dreaded not as described.

Julia loved Demo Days. Her favorite part was seeing real consumers, not employees of Starlight Cosmetics, test out the skincare, the body products, the new makeup palettes. And they would always get invaluable information and insight from these consumers. Julia loved pampering those who came to these events. Champagne, hand and neck massages, a filled-to-the-brim swag bag, and catered lunch were just some of the benefits. Starlight’s Demo Days had also made it into Refinery29’s “Top Things to Do in LA,” with the caveat if you can get a coveted invite.

“The team did a great job of setting up in here,” Julia said to her product manager, Sarah Im. “It looks amazing.”

“I can’t believe the renovations and build-out got finished in time. There was no way it was gonna happen if it hadn’t been for Tae. When the general contractor walked out midbuild, Tae basically picked up a hammer and worked beside everyone else to get it done. He pushed the whole team and made it clear that missing the deadline was not an option.”

Julia took note of the new makeup stations. The room expanded and now had twenty seats, each with its own mirror, lighting, and storage, compared to the previous twelve. It was designed with warm walnut wood tones, white cabinetry, and brushed copper fixtures. It might just be her favorite part of the entire office renovation to date.

Julia’s chest swelled with pride. She loved hearing about and seeing what Tae was capable of. She thought back to when they were kids and he’d always have the best crafts during Vacation Bible School, and his dad was always bragging about something Tae had fixed or built throughout the years. Julia didn’t understand how Tae ended up working at a desk in an office for a living when he’d clearly been meant to do something with his hands.

“We made sure everything for today’s event is extra special. We’re so excited you’re finally bringing your family and friends in for one of these,” Sarah said.

“Really appreciate it, Sarah. Tell your team thanks, and can you give them all a comp day when all is finished? I know they’ve been pulling long hours to get the product and packaging ready.”

“They’ll love that, Julia. Thanks!”

“Well, don’t thank me yet. My family and friends are a tough crowd. We’ll see how much damage they do by the end of today,” Julia said with a laugh. “Korean mamas are always a tough sell.”

“Especially for Korean cosmetics, I can imagine,” Sarah added.

Sarah hadn’t meant it in a bad way. But the comment stung. It was a slap of a reminder that Julia still felt like she had to prove herself to the Korean consumer, people like her mom and her mom’s friends. Many of whom would be here today.

Julia’s mom and grandmother were the reason she’d even considered getting into the beauty industry. Growing up, Julia had spent hours watching both her halmoni and her mother in their bathrooms, a myriad of bottles and vials and samples laid out before them, tubes squeezed to their very last bit of product. Julia memorized each step of their skincare routines, the fragrances of each still fresh in her mind. And it all worked. Her mother looked twenty years younger than her age, and her grandmother—well, her grandmother definitely didn’t look like she was near dying.

Julia let out a deep sigh. After a few semiheated discussions with the doctor’s office, and one phone call from Jisoo to the hospital scheduling department, they’d finally nailed down an appointment sooner than the four-to-six weeks they were originally offered. Julia and her grandmother would go in next week and have the follow-up scan to see what they were actually dealing with. She was scared. But like Rachel and Tae had encouraged, she wasn’t going to invite worry.

“Julia, they’re here,” Annette said from the doorway.

Julia smiled and waved them into the room, greeting everyone as they entered.

“Wow, it is so beautiful here,” her mother said, eyes wide, mouth open. “I should have worn something fancier.”

Who was she kidding? Julia’s mom was in a St. John knit two-piece that Julia had gifted her for her fiftieth birthday a few years ago. She’d only worn it a couple of times. It was her special occasion outfit. She was carrying the Louis Vuitton handbag Julia gave her for Christmas two years ago that she still kept in the box it came in, which usually sat on the top shelf of her closet. She had the Gucci scarf Julia had included in her recent bribe bag wrapped around her neck. And she had on her black patent Ferragamo low-heeled pumps with the square gold buckle. It was like a designer brand-name swap meet threw up on her mom. She’d basically put together a hodgepodge of all of her nicest stuff and shown up to impress at Julia’s place of work.

Julia was touched.

Behind her mother, a flurry of small Korean women entered: Aunt Linda, Aunt Sharon, Aunt Janet, Mrs. Kim (Tae’s mom), Chung Samonim (the church pastor’s wife), Jisoo’s mom, and Julia’s halmoni. Sonia came in next along with her mother, and rounding out the bunch Rachel stood at the doorway, obviously trying to stifle her laugh. She was here for comedy hour apparently.

Julia bowed and greeted the crowd and listened as they marveled at the setup of the room.

“This looks like the spas in Gangnam,” Aunt Linda said.

“Sulwhasoo Spa is in Gangnam. I hear it is amazing there,” Aunt Sharon added.

“Sulwhasoo is chaego,” Aunt Janet said, much like she had at her grandmother’s birthday party.

And so it began.

“Jisoo is so sorry she couldn’t make it. She had a shift at the hospital today,” her mother said.

“Please take a gift bag for her home with you, Mrs. Kang,” Julia answered.

After greeting each person individually, Julia’s staff led the attendees to their stations. Each station had ten products displayed for testing. Julia had also had the product cards and the feedback cards translated into Korean. Each staff member worked with an attendee on trying the products.

The room was noisy and spirited, and people seemed to be enjoying themselves. Music was playing in the background, an upbeat pop tune with an angelic voice singing in Korean. Julia liked the sound of it. She’d have to ask what it was.

“It looks incredible in here,” Rachel noted. “Having IU playing in the background for the ajummas was a nice touch.” Music by IU, noted.

“Yeah, apparently Tae helped put it together. I’d asked him to step in where he could with renovations, and I’m hearing from my team that he’s basically been a godsend.”

“Interesting.” Rachel drew out each syllable of the word.

Julia rolled her eyes.

“I know I don’t have to ask you this, but make sure to be honest with the product feedback.” Julia thought twice. “Maybe not too honest, though,” she added.

“Whatever. I’m a Starlight fan. I’m sure I’m gonna love everything. You guys only make the highest-quality stuff,” Rachel said.

Julia smiled and felt proud of her friend’s assessment. Rachel was loyal, but she wasn’t a liar.

Julia scanned the room, making sure everyone was enjoying themselves and the products. Her staff was incredible, answering questions and putting up with the small demands. They seemed to be having a good time as well. Champagne flutes were topped off, and trays of finger foods were passed around.

Julia looked to the last station and saw her grandmother. She seemed to be swaying in her chair. Julia looked more closely. That was odd. Suddenly, her grandmother’s lolling head fell forward to her chest. Julia’s heart stopped as she was gripped with worry and fear, and she rushed over to see what was wrong.

She looked to the staff assigned to her halmoni, a fresh-out-of-college Korean girl named Esther, and quickly asked, “What happened?”

Esther’s face looked panicked as she shook her head. “I don’t know. I only turned away for a minute.”

Julia grabbed her grandmother’s shoulders and shook her gently. “Halmoni?” She was unresponsive. Oh my God, was she was having some kind of episode now because of her deteriorating health? The music was loud and the women so focused on what they were doing, no one even noticed Julia’s grandmother.

Julia looked to Esther and said in a panic, “Go and get Annette.” Annette would know what to do. Should she call 9-1-1 right now? Julia’s hands shook. She grabbed her grandmother again, this time a little less gently. “Halmoni,” she called out.

Her grandmother remained motionless. Julia’s heart raced. She looked around for someone to help. Julia thought she could hear a low buzzing noise near her grandmother. She leaned in closer. It got louder. It was coming from her grandmother. Her grandmother was . . . snoring? Julia grabbed her one more time and shook harder than before. Halmoni suddenly raised her head, opened her mouth as if gasping for air, and let out a loud burp. She slowly opened her eyes and looked sleepily at Julia.

“Oh, sorry. Champagne makes me so sleepy,” Halmoni said with a hiccup.

Annette rushed into the room followed by Tae. What was he doing here? With all the commotion, all eyes turned to Julia and her halmoni.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Tae said, taking a look at Julia’s grandmother to make sure she was okay and then at Julia, doing the same once-over.

Her grandmother wiped some drool off her chin with the sleeve of her sweater and took another sip of champagne, apparently already her second glass based on the empty one Julia saw at her station. “Let’s try this pink bottle here,” Halmoni said to Esther. Esther looked pale and shaken by the scare. But to her credit, she nodded, straightened her spine, and grabbed the pink bottle. Julia had to remember to keep her eye on that one. She was going to do well in this business.

Suddenly, at that moment, all of Julia’s adrenaline crashed and she swayed, feeling unsteady on her feet. A second ago she’d been scared shitless that her grandmother had had a heart attack or something. But she was just champagne-sleepy. Great.

Tae grabbed Julia’s elbow and steadied her. Julia leaned into him and closed her eyes.

“Easy, Julia,” Tae said softly into her ear.

“Taehyung-ah, go take Julia to sit down. Seems I gave her a little scare. Take hold of her hand in case she gets dizzy again,” Julia’s grandmother suggested, raising the pink bottle up to her nose to smell the contents.

“I’m okay, I’m fine,” Julia said.

“She’s right, Julia. Come sit down,” Tae insisted.

“Her hand, Tae. Take hold of her hand,” her grandmother said, “for balance.”

Tae grabbed Julia’s hand and led her to one of the empty stations. His was warm and slightly roughened, likely by all the work he’d been doing as of late.

Julia plopped into the chair. She looked back over at everyone, curious eyes all on her, and just smiled and nodded, encouraging them to go back to what they were doing. “Everything’s okay, everyone. Continue on. Let’s bring in the masseuse as well,” she said, trying to get the attention off her and her overreaction earlier.

When she turned back around, she caught sight of herself in the mirror. She looked pale and clammy. Great.

“Hey.” Tae held her chin gently and lifted her face to meet his. “Are you okay?”

Julia held his gaze. It felt like an electrical socket that she could plug into and take energy from. She felt steadied by his presence. She was strengthened by it.

“I thought she was having some kind of episode or was sick,” Julia said. Tears welled in her eyes.

Tae’s eyes never left hers, even when the first tear finally dropped, and even when his thumb moved across her cheek to gently wipe it away. The motion so familiar for some reason, like Tae had been wiping away her tears . . . and her fears . . . her whole life. He had her.

“She’s okay, Julia. She’s just . . .” He pressed his lips together and the sides of his eyes crinkled as he tried to hold back a sudden laugh. “Your grandmother is just . . . tipsy.” His shoulders moved up and down, and he finally broke eye contact as he dropped his head, hiding his laughter.

“Fine, fine, laugh all you want. I probably should have known when she burped. But it wasn’t until she hiccupped that I caught on.” Julia caught the bug and started laughing too. It was all so ridiculous.

“You okay, boss?” Annette came over to check on Julia, passing her a bottle of water.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just a little false alarm. Thanks for rushing over. I panicked and wasn’t sure what to do.”

“No problem. I saw Tae meeting with the concrete supplier in the main conference room. So, I grabbed him too. I ran behind him the whole way,” Annette said, turning to Tae and giving him a wink.

Julia started to respond, but she gave up and shook her head instead.

“Oh, I meant to tell you, they have the gel glass skin face masks ready if you want to have them tested today too,” Annette said.

“That’s great, yes. Can you bring a box in?”

Annette nodded and left to grab the product.

“That’s my cue to leave, I think,” Tae said.

Julia grabbed Tae’s arm before he could get away. “Oh, no you don’t. I need you, Tae Kim. You aren’t going anywhere.”

“Gahdisfeelzmazing,” Tae mumbled through the face mask now dried and tightened on his skin.

Julia had spread the gel mask all over Tae’s face, and they sat and waited as it hardened. After fifteen minutes, the masks could be peeled off, removing excess dead skin cells and dirt, also cleaning out pores. It was like a Bioré nose strip, except for the whole face.

Julia laughed as Tae’s expression froze under the hardened mask. He could barely move his mouth to talk.

“Wazindis?” he asked. He raised the tube up to look at the ingredients list.

Julia, of course, knew exactly what was in it. Charcoal, aloe vera—

“ZNAIL?” Tae screeched. “Zherezsnailindiss?” His eyes shifted to look at Julia. They were wide and wild.

Julia barked out a laugh, followed by a snort. She quickly covered her mouth. Oops.

“Yes, there’s snail mucin in the gel. It’s all the rage in Korean beauty products. Didn’t you know this?”

Tae shook his head wildly. He seemed like he might get sick.

Julia grabbed his hand and squeezed. “It’s gonna be fine, Tae. Snail mucin is essential for skin nutrients and is the much-needed ingredient for attaining the Korean glass-like complexion. It also repairs skin damage from the sun. It’s good for you, considering how you work outdoors so much these days.” Julia smiled, trying not to laugh.

“Glazlikecomprection? WhydoIneeddat?”

Julia let go of his hand and patted his shoulder. She fussed his hair a little and smiled. “You’ll get to peel it off in a couple minutes, and that’s the fun part. It’s satisfying to watch it peel away all the yucky stuff, you’ll see,” she said.

She left him there with snail sludge on his face to go and check on her other guests.

Sonia’s mom was chatting with Julia’s. Her grandmother was talking to the aunties all about how good the face mask felt, while poor Esther was trying to get Halmoni to settle down and let the mask actually set.

Sonia and Rachel were refilling their champagne glasses and talking, heads together, over by the refreshment table.

“What are you two whispering about?” Julia asked as she walked up to check on them.

“These new products are all so great,” Sonia said. “I peeled my mask off in one full piece, and Sunny, my attendant, said it’s a sign of good fortune.”

“Yeah, she lied. But I like that as a marketing angle,” Julia said.

“I’d say the day has been a success, yes? Other than your grandmother’s unfortunate little quickie nap earlier,” Rachel said, eyes dancing.

“Har har har. She scared the shit out of me. I thought it was a sign she was dying . . . like right here, right now. I cried,” Julia whined.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. That had to have been scary,” Sonia said. “But my God, can that woman burp like a sailor.”

The three of them nodded in agreement.

“By the way, I caught that long gaze you and Tae shared,” Rachel said.

“I mean, it was this close to being inappropriately long,” Sonia said, pinching her forefinger and thumb together.

“No, it was way past inappropriately long. It was like rip-my-clothes-off long,” Rachel added.

“I had just had a big scare, okay? I’m so thankful Tae was here. I needed a friend to settle me down,” Julia said, giving a side-eye guilt trip to each of her best friends.

“I’m just sayin’ . . .” Rachel started.

“Nothing good comes from when you start a sentence with I’m just sayin’,” Julia interrupted.

Rachel shrugged. “It was kinda hot how he raced in here, checked on your halmoni first . . .”

Sonia sighed loudly, clasping her hands together at her chest.

“And then doing a very thorough once-over to make sure you were okay,” Rachel finished.

Julia had noticed how Tae checked on her grandmother right away. She was incredibly touched by that. He was such a good guy. A real family guy.

She looked over her shoulder to the makeup station where he was sitting. He was trying to peel off the mask, but instead of gently doing it in one large piece, he’d impatiently peeled off tiny flecks and strips. He was a mess.

Julia turned to go and help him.

“Get it, girl,” she heard Sonia say behind her.

Damn those snail face masks and long gazes.

15
What Do You Know About K-pop?

Tae

Julia’s first date hadn’t exactly gone according to plan. But from what she had told him about the disaster, that had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the douchebag she was out with. If Tae ever ventured into Fullerton, he might just take a couple turns looking for Michael Obsessed-with-Wagyu Lee. What an ass.

Truthfully, there was a tiny part of Tae that was kinda glad it hadn’t gone that well. He wanted Julia to find love. He really wanted Julia to stop blaming herself for her bad dating history.

But he, personally, was having a blast spending time with her. And these practice dates gave him a built-in reason to do so. The more they hung out together, the worse the itch got to keep hanging out and wasn’t anywhere near being satisfied.

Tae hadn’t been imagining the shy smiles and too-long looks they’d shared. Light touches, laughs that came naturally, honest talks that felt safe.

But what he didn’t need to be doing right now was confusing Julia. Not when he himself was confused about his own life. Their blossoming friendship felt almost too precious to take a greedy chance on more.

Tae looked down at his phone and reread Julia’s text message and smiled. What do you know about K-pop?

This was going to be fun.

Turned out the second setup was supposed to be with an up-and-coming Korean musician from New York who was on tour and would be in the Los Angeles area for a concert. Julia only knew that his name was Young Kim, which could be his real name or his stage name, and it could basically be one of a hundred Korean K-pop artists out today. Tae didn’t have a lot to go on when it came to the man. But he could get Julia more acquainted with K-pop in general.

It couldn’t have been a better scenario. Tae thought about Grandma Song’s advice: add a personal touch and help Julia have some fun. This was right up his alley. But with only a week to do it, Tae had to get to work.

“I just sent you a Spotify playlist. Listen to it on repeat. I think you’ll like it,” he said into the phone.

“I usually only listen to my nature-sounds playlist in the background when I’m working. And at home, I prefer silence. If I’m in a real mood, I’ll put on some Taylor Swift. But that’s very rare and about it.”

“But this is research, Julia. Get your notebook out, and list the songs you like from this playlist. We’ll build from there. I’m gonna send you some of the translations and links to the music videos as well.” Tae was not going to let her off easy with this one.

“Tae, this is a lot. My date is next week, and honestly, I have so much going on at work right now,” Julia whined. He found that whine more and more endearing.

“Granted, it’s not a lot of time. But Julia, you have to listen to K-pop to understand it, to appreciate it. You have to hear what the music and the words are saying. You have to see the choreography to feel the magnitude of the talent of these groups. It’s easy to write them all off as overproduced minions of an entertainment machine. But the ones I’m sending you are different. Trust me.”

“Do I have to become a professor of K-pop? Can’t you just give me a few words to use when answering any questions so I don’t sound like such a newbie?”

Even if the date didn’t work out, Tae really wanted Julia to experience K-pop the way he did. In his gut, he knew she’d like it. And in a way, he didn’t want Julia to find him silly for liking it too.

She sighed on the other end of the line. “Okay, fine. But if this affects my sleep patterns, I’ll be really grumpy. I need a certain number of hours of silence a day to keep my mind focused and prepared for sleep.”

“I don’t want to say that I doubt you, but let’s give that theory a challenge, shall we?”

She hung up without saying goodbye.

Tae wasn’t offended.

Julia was meeting Young Kim at his concert on Sunday night where he would save her a ticket at the box office. Apparently it was sold out, but Tae hadn’t heard of any big groups coming to town. Though, he didn’t keep track of all the new ones. It was amazing how K-pop had suddenly become such an international phenomenon.

The night before the concert, Tae asked Julia to come over to his place by eight o’clock. It was a lot asking Julia to come down to south Orange County from the Westside. Hopefully Saturday traffic would be light. But he needed to set everything up here. She didn’t complain or seem to mind, so he wasn’t going to worry.

Julia had never experienced a K-pop concert before. She didn’t know about light sticks and fan chants. He was going to expose her to the basics. And even though she wouldn’t walk into tomorrow night’s date a stan, she at least wouldn’t be shocked by what she experienced. She might even enjoy herself. And a relaxed Julia would be a better conversationalist.

Julia rang the doorbell at exactly eight o’clock. Tae opened it to find her in jeans and a hoodie, just as he requested. He smiled at the dressed-down version of the powerful K-beauty CEO. Casual Julia was even more stunning.

“Hey there, how was traffic? Bad?”

She shook her head. “Nope. I took PCH down past the airport, and then it was a straight shot down the 405.”

“Good, I’m glad.” He stepped out of the way and let her in. “We’re gonna be out back,” he said as he took them down the stairs to his studio where the sliding glass doors to the lower half of his backyard were.

He stopped and turned to look at her, putting his face close to hers.

She leaned back a tiny bit, startled. “What?” she asked.

“Look at my skin,” he said. “It looks amazing. That snail stuff is magical,” he said.

Julia smiled wide. She let the back of her hand lightly make its way down his cheek. “Your skin does look incredible. Soft.” Her voice was almost a whisper. He reached for her wrist and held her hand there. He wanted to kiss it, to kiss her. But he cleared his throat and took a step back, dropping his grip.

“I, um, can probably get you a full tube of it, if you’d like to continue with this skincare regimen. I’ll get some of the new sunscreen as well,” Julia said.

Tae nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

Julia’s focus moved past Tae and around the place he’d made into a home. “Wow, you did a great job renovating down here. It’s looks amazing,” she said.

He followed her gaze as she took in the subway tiles he’d done for the kitchenette backsplash, the headboard he’d built from reclaimed barnwood and stained gray, the navy velvet love seat he had reupholstered that fit perfectly in the corner. She lowered her gaze to the polished concrete flooring.

“These are great area rugs. Nice choice. Tae, you’ve always had such a great eye for space planning, aesthetics, and design. You should do this for a living.”

Tae tried not to immediately put his guard up the moment Julia mentioned working or what a career should or could look like for him. He was ultrasensitive to this line of conversation with most people. Always feeling like what he was doing now wasn’t respectable enough. But he knew she wasn’t nagging him. She was just observing.

“Thanks, Jules. Hey, we’re gonna be out here,” he said, opening the door to the backyard, changing the subject.

Julia followed him outside, and he heard it: the small gasp she let out when she saw what he had prepared. Here, in Tae’s backyard, he’d created a mini concert venue. He’d strung lights between all the trees, laid blankets out on the grass, hung a huge white sheet up for a screen, and had the projector ready. He even built a mini stage with the wood from some old pallets his parents had out in the shed. And on the main blanket, he had two fully charged fan light sticks that he’d borrowed from some neighborhood girls and set to blinking purple, a bottle of wine, pizza, and a concert DVD ready. Maybe it was a little overboard.

He worried it was a little too cheesy, janky even. But he couldn’t afford to get her tickets to a real K-pop concert, even if one had been playing in town tonight. This would have to do.

But seeing Julia’s eyes in awe as she took it all in made it worth it.

“What is this?” she asked in an amazed whisper.

“It’s your first BTS concert. I’m so glad you like the music. I had a feeling you would. Their message is just as powerful as their talent. But when you see what they do when they perform on stage, you’ll be amazed. So for tonight, let’s enjoy the show.”

Maybe some would say this was childish or corny. But K-pop had shaped Tae’s life growing up and to this day, and he wanted to be the one to introduce Julia to BTS. Their music had gotten Tae through some of his darker moments the last few years.

“Tae, this is so cool! Okay, I’ll admit it. You were right. I really like their music. Some of their songs are serious bops. And the lyrics, touching on mental health and societal issues, are powerful. I wasn’t expecting it.”

Tae smiled, letting out a relieved sigh. Julia got it. He had hoped she would.

“Well, it sounds like you’re already a member of the BTS ARMY. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Randall Park, Jimmy Fallon, the Jonas Brothers . . . oh, and John Cena . . . all ARMY. You’re in good company.”

“Well, if John Cena is ARMY . . .” she said and smiled.

Tae liked this. He liked that he could share this side of himself with Julia without feeling foolish. He liked that she could tease him and it made him laugh. She felt like an equal in these moments, even though in reality, she was way out of his league.

“What’s all of this?” she asked, pointing at all the supplies Tae had prepared.

“Come over here and have a seat. This is the light stick I was telling you about. For BTS, it’s called the ARMY bomb. But other bands have slightly modified versions, and they’re called by different names.”

“I had no idea this subculture existed. It’s like a world in and of itself. How did you get into K-pop?”

“Well, while you all were listening to One Direction growing up—”

“I was not into One Direction, mind you.”

“Oh, that’s right. You were listening to the newest trends in nature sounds. What was it back in the early 2000s? Frogs? Roaring brooks?”

“Ha ha. I happened to be more into underground hip-hop at the time. I just never told anyone, since I was afraid I’d be kicked out of youth group.”

Tae nodded his head, impressed with this confession. “Well, I was listening to Super Junior, BigBang and SHINee. My cousin sent us over the CDs from music stores in Korea, and Min and I jammed to them. I was that goofy kid practicing the choreography in the mirror.”

Silence. Shit, he’d shared too much. He just confessed to be being a total dork dancing to K-pop choreography. He was suddenly terrified to look at Julia.

“Well, okay then, teacher. I doubted that you were expert enough to be the one to get me up to speed. But you’ve proven yourself worthy . . . almost. I’m thinking that in order to really show your mastery of K-pop, I’m going to need to, ahem, see some of this choreography, you know, with my own eyes. That way I can trust that you’re the real deal.”

“Ha ha, Jules. You wish. So not gonna happen.”

“How am I gonna not make a fool of myself on my date tomorrow if I don’t know what the choreography looks like?”

“Jules, we’re about to watch the concert. Just—”

“Dance for me!” Julia’s face lit up with laughter as she egged Tae on to show her some moves. He hadn’t seen this side of Julia, the complete abandonment of seriousness and just pure joy. He didn’t want to say no.

“Please,” Julia said, this time her expression more serious. “I really want to see you do this, since it’s something I know you enjoy.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll show you. But . . .” he reached down and grabbed her hand, pulling her up to standing and into his arms “. . . I’m not doing this alone.”

“No, no, no. I’m a terrible dancer.”

“I got you,” Tae said into her ear.

He pulled out his phone, connected it to the Bluetooth speaker he’d set up and opened Spotify. He selected an upbeat song from their earlier days and pressed Play. The song’s choreography had body rolls that would make Julia blush. But instead, he put his hands on Julia’s hips and simply pushed them side to side, letting her find the beat. Facing her, he mimicked the motion. It felt intimate, the two of them moving in tandem.

“Breathe, Julia,” Tae said.

“Sorry I’m not better at this,” she whispered.

He took both her hands and put them on his shoulders while his remained on her hips. “You’re doing great. Now, don’t look at your feet. Look at me.”

She raised her eyes to meet his, and he pulled her closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He’d lost track of the song. He’d forgotten where they were. All Tae could focus on was Julia, in his arms, moving with him.

At some point their bodies moved closer till there was almost no space between them. Tae gently pulled her flush to him.

Julia gasped at the contact.

He wanted to capture that gasp with his mouth and kiss her.

He hadn’t meant for it to get this heated. He wasn’t trying to make a move on her. But here, under these lights, with her smelling and feeling so good, he couldn’t help himself.

“The music stopped,” she whispered.

Tae hadn’t noticed.

He reached back and reluctantly took her hands from his neck. As she released him, he twirled her around and held her waist ready to dip her.

But Julia was so caught off guard, she went dead weight in his arms. So as Tae tried to lower her, her feet lifted from the ground. He wasn’t ready for her full body weight to crash into his one arm. He lost all balance and braced himself for the fall.

“We’re going down,” he heard Julia squeal. Which was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

He stretched out his arms so he wouldn’t crush her as he landed. The two of them were wrapped-up arms and legs, elbows jabbing, knees knocking, hands grabbing. Both laughing so hard, Tae couldn’t breathe.

“Thanks for the commentary,” he said, trying to catch his breath.

When Tae opened his eyes, two doelike eyes looked up at him. The fairy lights hanging above them sparkled in her eyes, and Tae couldn’t stop looking. The laughter had died down, but the smiles remained.

Tae heard the hitch of Julia’s breath as she slightly arched her back, putting their bodies in closer contact.

“Wow, Taehyung-ah, you did such a good job decorating out here. It’s beautiful.”

Tae scrambled his body off Julia’s, and she jackknifed herself up into a seated position. Impressive core strength. Just as he’d worried about in his nightmares, his parents walking in on him with a guest. As if he was seventeen trying to get lucky on prom night, only now he was a grown-ass adult, making it a hundred times worse.

“Annyeonghaseyo,” Julia said, getting to her feet, bowing greetings to Tae’s dad as he walked out into the backyard.

“Hi, Julia. Wow, it looks so pretty here. Tae worked hard all day to get this ready for you.”

Julia snuck a glance at Tae and then tucked her hair behind her ear as she lowered her eyes. “It’s amazing. I’m so grateful.”

“Oh, Tae loves sharing K-pop with people, especially BTS. You’d think he was being paid by the company.” His dad laughed, and Tae noticed how it sounded heartier and healthier than it had in a long time.

“Okay, Appa, how about we don’t embarrass me in front of our friends?” Tae said.

“Julia is more than just a friend,” his dad answered. “She’s family.”

“You look really good, Mr. Kim,” Julia said.

“Thank you, Julia. I feel really good too. The best I’ve felt in years. I’m just so thankful that our Tae was able to come home and help with everything. I can’t imagine what would happen without him.” Tae’s dad walked over and patted him on the back. He was twenty-five years old and hadn’t realized how much he needed the comfort and approval from his father until that very moment. Tae tried to swallow the emotion.

“Tae is everyone’s savior, apparently,” Julia said, smiling up at him. “I’m sure you’ve heard he’s helping me not make a total fool of myself on these dates. Even though I’m a lost cause.”

“Nonsense, Julia. All of us know you are a diamond. You are the gongju of Irvine, California. And not just any man can win the love of a princess. It takes a special man who will appreciate and love her just as she is. One who will not be intimidated by her beauty or brain, who will not want to steal from her wealth. But someone to make her laugh, be there for her when she cries, and always remind her of her worth. That’s the man for you, Julia.”

Tae stood staring at his father in awe. He, in one moment, told Julia all that Tae had wanted to. That she was a treasure and all the guys she’d tried dating were the trash.

“Mr. Kim . . .” Julia tried to speak, but the words seemed stuck in her throat.

Tae’s father walked over and wrapped his arms around Julia. “All this fuss over dating, when we all know our Julia’s prince will come. He just has to prove himself worthy of her. And not in the ways the world sees worth. But in the ways that love does.” He patted her head and looked over at Tae.

His dad stepped back. “Now, you two have fun. Enjoy the concert. Julia, I especially like the songs ‘Spring Day’ and ‘Idol.’ I hope BTS performs those tonight for you.” His dad winked at her.

Tae couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Julia said.

As Tae’s dad left them alone, Julia turned to Tae, a softness on her face that took Tae’s breath away.

Her hand gently brushed against his, and he reached his finger out to keep the contact between them just a tiny bit longer.

“Tae, thank you for this,” she said as she waved her hand across the yard. “No one’s ever done something like this for me before. Thanks for sharing a part of yourself with me too.”

Tae couldn’t quite figure out the sound in her voice, but he was too afraid to step forward. He wasn’t sure he was ready for where this felt like it was going.

“Well, wait till you see the video. The concert is amazing.” Tae walked away from Julia toward the projector, changing the subject.

He pressed Play and sat down on the blanket. He patted the space next to him, and Julia joined him. He poured her a glass of wine and passed her an ARMY bomb.

There they were, just two friends enjoying a BTS concert.

No big deal.

16
Mr. Trot

Julia

Julia had only ever been to the Pantages Theatre once to see the Broadway rendition of The Phantom of the Opera performed. She couldn’t really imagine a K-pop concert here within its ornate walls and intricately adorned ceiling.

She looked back down at her phone to check the text from Young Kim. The address and date and time were all correct. She looked at the marquee to see Korean Music Festival—featuring Young Kim in lights. She was definitely at the right place.

But Tae never mentioned K-pop stans donning formal attire to concerts. And there was a whole lot of sequins going on here. The crowd was not what Julia had expected. There wasn’t the wide range of concertgoers . . . from teens to adults. It skewed more to middle-aged women in their fifties. All with the short-cut permed hair and colorful sparkly dresses with bold lipsticks. The chatter was loud, and the excitement high.

Young and Julia had made plans for Julia to attend his concert and then the two would meet backstage before going out for drinks. But she was way underdressed if the other concert attendees were anything to go by.

Julia found the way to her seat and plopped down into the surprisingly comfortable theater chair. At least this would be an upgrade from what she was expecting.

The fatigue from the day made Julia’s shoulders feel heavy. After a late night at Tae’s, Julia spent the majority of Sunday at the office working before heading over for her date. She didn’t want to be ungrateful, but the recent boom in business wasn’t something her current business model and staff were able to accommodate. Stores and online sites were out of stock on products, and customers were frustrated that they couldn’t get their hands on the now-trendy skincare for holiday gifts.

She would focus on the immediate problem of distribution and restocking in time for the holiday orders. The bigger, more long-term problem of how to grow the company would have to come later. Julia was curious what Andrew Lim and Hansuk Holdings would bring to the table and if, with a partnership, they could move quickly to accommodate the boom in business.

This was why Julia had wanted to deprioritize her personal life in the first place. Yes, she was tired of bad dates. But truthfully, she was just tired. Period. She didn’t have the time or the energy to be at the Pantages Theatre watching a concert on a Sunday night.

Though, oddly, Julia didn’t feel this exhausted when she was doing her practice dates with Tae. Everything felt different with Tae. Easy. Fun. Safe.

Julia looked around at the seats in her row and then behind her. Not a light stick in sight. Maybe Young Kim wasn’t big enough yet to have a fan-group name or merchandising? Tae had mentioned he hadn’t heard of Young Kim and thought he could just be an up-and-coming idol.

Julia let her thoughts lead her back to the outdoor concert Tae had prepared for her. She was mesmerized by his impressive dance moves and the way he had complete control over his body. Muscles in his back, his abs, his legs, his arms all gracefully moving to the music. Tae was even sexier than the guys on-screen, and those guys were hot.

Bad Julia. What happened to the Tae who was like a little brother to her?

He’d grown up. They both had. And now this grown-up version was single. Available.

This was not a line of thought Julia wanted to go down. Because if she were to give in and explore something with Tae, Julia, as she always did, would somehow scare him away. And she was getting too used to having him around. And Tae was going through his own journey in trying to figure stuff out for his life. He’d made that clear. She didn’t want to derail that for him.

It was ten minutes past seven and the houselights still hadn’t dimmed, and half the chairs remained empty. Korean time. Always plan for everything and everyone to be thirty minutes late.

Julia closed her eyes and waited, the sound of the excited chatter lulling her to sleep.

She was startled awake by the loud boom of what sounded like a variety-show theme song. She sat up in her chair and looked to the stage where men in sequined dinner jackets and perfectly coiffed hair danced to the beat. It was like a bad Las Vegas revue. Julia tried to hold back her laugh, not that anyone could hear her with the music. She appreciated some musical comedy for an opening number. But after a few songs of bad dancing and cheesy, over-the-top singing, Julia was starting to get antsy.

Finally, a younger, handsome man took the center of the stage. He welcomed the crowd in Korean, and then again in broken English. The ladies in the audience screamed like they were watching The Beatles.

“I’m so happy to feel so much the warmth and the love from America fans.”

The sound of the crowd rose and spurred him on.

“Thank you for support, and I will continue to work hard to bring you better shows in the future.”

He bowed and walked offstage as another singer took his place.

Thank goodness. Julia wasn’t sure she could watch much more of this. She felt the start of a headache coming on.

But it wasn’t the end that Julia had hoped for. In fact, there were three more costume changes, a myriad of variety-show-type skits, and more of the music that Julia could not get into. The combination of yodeling, overdone vibrato, folk, and disco was a complete shock to Julia’s system.

The crowd was loving it. They were loving Young Kim and the other performers. This was definitely more her mother’s jam. In fact, some of the songs sounded familiar from tunes she’d heard playing from her parents’ beloved variety shows on TV.

When the final number and the two encores had come to an end, Julia put her head between her legs to try and gather herself. She looked up to find the irritated face of a woman who could be her Aunt Linda’s doppelgänger, anxiously waiting to get past Julia in the row.

“Sorry,” Julia said as she grabbed her purse and coat and shuffled out the aisle.

Julia took her ticket to stand in the line to get backstage. She would give anything to go home right now. She was not looking forward to meeting Young Kim and having to comment on the concert she just saw. Whatever that was, it was not K-pop.

“Kim Young Gi is even more handsome in person. I can’t believe we’re gonna meet him,” the voice behind Julia said. She looked over her shoulder to find two young ladies, possibly Julia’s age. So she wasn’t the only younger person here.

“He’s gotten even better since winning Mr. Trot. The new season’s contestants are good, but none of them compare to Kim Young Gi.”

Julia looked up Mr. Trot on her phone. She face-palmed. It was a competition variety show featuring singers of trot, a type of highly popular traditional Korean music. She’d gotten it wrong. She assumed all Korean music was K-pop, spending days studying up on the music, the bands, the background. All for nothing.

“Excuse me, are you gonna go or can we pass you?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Yes, I’m going,” Julia said. She stepped up as the man with the word Staff on his shirt directed her to the table where the performers were seated in a line. She was ushered to the first person, who smiled and said hello.

“Hello,” Julia returned the greeting.

They stared at each other. His smile grew more and more forced.

Julia fidgeted, uncertain of what to do.

The next person in line pushed her forward and Julia almost tripped over her feet. She grabbed onto the table to catch her fall. The water bottles that were all placed out in front of the performers, open without tops, began to sway, and the world moved in an almost comical slow motion as each bottle tipped over.

Water spilled everywhere, and trot singers in various shapes and sizes stood to scramble out of the way to not ruin their colorful sequined jackets.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry. I was pushed, and I had to grab the table. I didn’t mean to—”

Fans continued to push Julia forward, taking unsanctioned photos of the performers during the commotion. Julia was escorted out of the way and off to the side where a security guard opened the exit door. She shoved her pass in his face in panic.

“I’m a guest.”

The guard rolled his eyes and ushered her to a back dressing room instead.

Julia stood out of the way, hidden in a corner, waiting for her date. Young Kim and some of the other trot singers, including a couple of young boys dressed up like little men, filed in. Seeing them up close with all their makeup and sweat felt a little too Barry Manilow for her. Young noticed her in the corner and walked up to her, asking her something in Korean.

Julia shook her head to let him know she didn’t understand.

“So sorry. You were at meet-greet outside. You spill water everywhere.” His eyes danced in delight like Julia’s clumsiness was the funniest incident he’d ever witnessed.

“Yes, sorry. I’m Julia Song. I think you and I have a date tonight?”

His brows rose as recognition hit him as to who Julia was.

“Oh shit. Hey, Julia. Sorry to keep you waiting. Was that you? That’s hilarious. Let me just get changed, and I’ll meet you back here in a few.”

Julia nodded in silent shock and agreement. What happened to the guy’s broken English? His accent?

Julia’s fingers itched to text Tae to tell him all about the concert and the odd Young Kim. She quickly grabbed her phone and snapped a picture of the performers before they changed out of their sparkle.

So I may have been mistaken when I said K-pop, she typed as she pressed Send on the photo.

Her phone rang immediately. “Oh my God. Is that Mr. Trot?”

Of course Tae knew Mr. Trot. There was literally nothing this man did not know.

“Yup. Never mind that I had to google what trot was.”

“Wait, your date is with Kim Young Gi?”

“I guess so? And apparently that’s a big deal?”

“He’s super popular in the trot circles right now.”

“Okay, about this trot. It was . . . awful.”

“It’s an acquired taste, for sure. But a lot of people love it almost as much as, some even more so than, K-pop.”

“I can’t believe I thought he was a K-pop idol. I was looking forward to some fun songs and dancing and light sticks and fan chants.”

“Did you enjoy yourself at least?” he asked.

“Not at all,” she answered truthfully.

Tae’s chuckle came through the phone, and the sound poured over Julia’s nerves like honey.

“Well, if it helps, my mom would be jealous. Wait, yeah, that probably doesn’t help at all,” Tae said.

“Probably mine too. Okay, I think he’s almost done, and the date will finally start, I guess?”

“Don’t make a mean comment about his costumes, his dancing, or his singing. Or his hair.”

“I know, I know. I’m reformed. He’s here. Gotta run,” Julia said.

“Have fun,” she heard Tae say as she disconnected.

Julia shoved her phone back into her purse.

“Julia? Hi, I’m so sorry for all the waiting. I never introduced myself. I’m Young, Young Kim.”

Julia narrowed her eyes as the man reached out his hand in greeting. His English was perfect, without even a hint of a Korean accent. But onstage . . .

Young broke out in a huge smile. “Busted,” he said and laughed. “I’ll explain everything. Let’s get out of here and go get a drink. Do you mind if I meet you at the bar? I don’t think we can be seen leaving together.”

Julia looked around a basically empty room. Not sure who he was worried about, but she took his word for it and agreed to meet him there. She preferred this anyways, and having her car for a quick getaway if needed. She reminded herself to limit herself to one glass of wine just in case.

“Sure, meet you there.”

“Can we get your most discreet booth,” Young asked the hostess, leaning in to whisper in her ear. She leaned back and gave him a confused look, but just shrugged it off and led them to a booth near the kitchen doors.

Julia felt he was going a little overboard, especially considering this was Los Angeles and there were people a lot more famous than Mr. Trot. But she didn’t say anything. Maybe she really was reformed after all. Before Tae’s Guide to Dating, she would have most definitely roasted this dude.

What a waste, though. She had a whole list of K-pop songs she was going to reference during their date.

“Did you enjoy the show? Wasn’t it incredible?”

Julia nodded. She opened her mouth to say something kind but took a second too long to figure out what that could be.

“The girls were going wild,” Young said, amazed.

Girls wasn’t quite the word she’d use to describe the middle-aged women in the audience.

“I was worried during the meet and greet whether we had enough security.”

“Um . . .”

“When you tripped and the water spilled, I thought it might be a sasaeng. But thankfully, it was someone harmless.” He let out a fake laugh.

“Sasaeng?”

“Oh yes, a sasaeng is a fan who is a little too into me, if you know what I mean. I don’t think they’re dangerous, but they are borderline obsessed. I haven’t seen them yet. But I know they’re there, obsessing over me.”

Young continued to talk about the show, the fans, himself.

Julia continued to drink her wine and then ordered another glass.

“My voice was on point tonight.”

Sip.

“I knew the fans in California would love the hip thrusts we added to the choreography.”

Sip.

“Trot’s popularity is really unmatched. We might pass BTS one day.”

Yes, BTS! Finally, something Julia could talk about. But honestly, by this point, she couldn’t be bothered to even try to engage.

Sip.

Sip.

Sip.

He didn’t ask one question about her, except if she enjoyed the show. She tried to temper her expression and be careful with her words. Wine lowered her inhibitions, and she didn’t want to see the fallout of Mr. Trot breaking into tears.

“It was my first time listening to trot.” The truth. No lies told.

“It was a dying art for a while, but it’s really resurged. My goal is to bring it to the world. Maybe perform at Coachella one day.”

Julia tried to imagine the sequins at Coachella and couldn’t see it.

“I could headline alongside Justin Bieber and Bad Bunny,” Mr. Trot continued.

Julia’s eye roll was barely contained.

“How do you feel about splitting time between New York and Seoul?” he asked.

“I’m sorry, what now?” Julia wasn’t sure she heard him clearly.

“Look, Julia, I’m open to having some fun, but you’d have to be able to travel. Maybe quit your job and just come work for me. You could play the part of being a staff member on my entourage. As long as I’m Mr. Trot, it’s probably best that I maintain the image of being available. Keep the hope alive, you know, for the fans.”

“Um . . .” Julia couldn’t find the words. Hold your horses. You’re getting ahead of yourself. Are you fucking kidding me? Quit my job? You mean the one for the company that I STARTED and OWN and RUN? Yeah, all those would work. But she bit her tongue and spared Mr. Trot her wrath. This was a first.

“We can shore up the details later. Do you want to come back to my hotel for ramen?” He lifted a brow, and his face broke into a cocky smile.

Ramen? No, thanks. It was the last thing she wanted to do. Mr. Trot’s bloated ego, Julia Song’s bloated gut.

She’d stay for a little bit longer to save face, and then she would make an excuse for a quick exit.

“Anyways, as I was saying about Coachella . . .”

Sip.

“Jin jin jin jin jin e-ya. Blah blah jin e-yaaaaa . . .” Julia sang into the phone as she sank into the back seat of the Uber that came to pick her up.

“Julia, how much have you had to drink?” Tae asked on the other end of the phone.

“I took a sip every time Mr. Trot told me how amazing he was. I needed to have my mouth occupied so I wouldn’t go off on him about his ego. I’m reforrrrmmmmed, I’m telling you. So, Tae, that was a lot of sips. I think he wanted me to be his booty call.”

“What the fuck?” Tae’s voice was rumbly and scary . . . and very hot.

“I don’t know. It felt like that. But maybe I was wrong, and he’s just socially awkward or something. He invited me to his room to eat ramen.”

“Julia.”

“Tae.” Julia said his name, lowering her voice and trying to mimic his very serious tone. She started to giggle. “Like I’m gonna have ramen this late at night. I’m not nineteen anymore. My body would hate me.”

“Julia, when a guy asks you to come over for ramen, he’s . . .” Tae cleared his throat and lowered his voice “. . . propositioning you.”

“Ewww, with Mr. Trot? As if,” Julia said. “Now, if you wanted ramen, I’d consider it.” She’d probably regret that tomorrow, but for now, she’d tell it like it was.

Tae groaned into the phone, and it sent vibrations through Julia to parts that had been dormant for too long. Maybe she could ask the driver to change course and head down to Tae’s.

“I can go with you to pick up your car tomorrow,” Tae offered, bringing her back from her pipe dreams. “I’m glad you got an Uber.”

“You will not. It is much too far for you to come up here. And trafffffic . . .”

“Julia, I have an appointment with you at your office tomorrow, remember?”

“No. I’m drunk. I barely remember my own name. But do you know what I do remember? Jin jin jin jin jin e-ya. . . .” She continued to sing the trot song now stuck as a permanent ear worm in her brain. She’d be haunted by it for the rest of her life.

“You can come over my house and sing it on the karaoke machine with my mom next time you’re down,” Tae teased.

“You’re coming to the office tomorrow?” she said, though it may have been more of a squeal. She was a few seconds behind in the conversation and was just catching up in her head.

Tae’s chuckle warmed her. “Yup, I am. During Demo Day, I pointed out how the new light fixtures didn’t feel right for those makeup stations, remember? I’m showing you the new choices tomorrow.”

“Oh, good. I trust you. You’re so good with all that stuff. I wanna sing karaoke with your mom,” Julia said. She thought she’d heard Tae say something about her being a nut under his breath, but she wasn’t sure. “Tae?”

“Yeah, Jules.” His voice was soft, amused, listening.

“Was this one my fault?”

“Julia . . .”

“Could I have done something differently so that this date wasn’t such a disaster? Should I try and like trot music? Maybe it was the wine that made Young Kim seem like the biggest egomaniac on the planet. If I—”

“Julia, you didn’t have to do anything differently. It wasn’t your fault. He doesn’t deserve you, not even for one date. I’m sorry you didn’t have any fun.”

“I had fun at our BTS concert,” Julia said and sighed.

“Yeah, so did I,” he replied.

“Thanks, Tae, for everything.” Julia’s heart warmed. She always felt better when she talked to Tae. Her eyes got heavier as the car drove its way to her home. She sighed one more time. “You always make me feel better about myself, really,” she said, letting out a long sigh. “Why can’t all men be like you?”

“Julia, don’t be silly,” he said.

Julia’s entire face felt so heavy. She was so sleepy. She remembered letting out one last sigh and vaguely mumbling some final words. “You’re the one I want to be with, Tae. I hope they set me up with you next . . .”

Julia didn’t know how long she’d been dozing. But when she opened her eyes, the car was pulling up to her building. She said her thanks to the driver, took out her keys, and shuffled up to her condo, all thoughts of the night’s conversations buried beneath her dream of going straight to bed.

17
Competency Porn

Julia

“What am I going to do?” Julia whined.

“About what? The fact that your company is growing faster than you planned and you can’t keep up with the demand? Or about the fact that your parents have managed to find you worse men than you’ve found for yourself? Or might it be the fact that you maybe confessed your true feelings to Tae—”

“Oh God.” Julia pulled her knees up to her chin and tried to make herself as small as possible. Could she just hide here on Rachel’s couch for the rest of time? Unlikely. Rachel’s personal space was precious to her, and she’d likely kick Julia to the curb before the end of the night. “But maybe I didn’t? That’s the problem. I don’t remember. And I’m never drinking again.”

“Uh-huh.”

Uh-huhs were Julia’s single biggest pet peeve.

Julia reached for another piece of pizza, flicking off the olives and green peppers, and took a bite. “I started looking at property in Twentynine Palms.”

“Where the aliens are?” Rachel asked.

“That’s Area 51,” Julia corrected.

Rachel shrugged, grabbing her own slice of pizza, picking up the olives Julia had discarded and piling them on top. “Same difference?”

“Not even close. Twentynine Palms is in the desert near Joshua Tree. You can get houses with acres and acres of land, and there won’t be another human for as far as the eye can see. Self-banishment. I figure I can put my foot down, insist that I’m off the market, and have Undateable tattooed to my forehand. I can’t be blamed, since there’s no one nearby to even date.”

“Sometimes, I wonder how it is that you own your own business,” Rachel said.

“I’m sorry I’m late. Our general contractor got everything wrong, again, and now I really am thinking James and I bought a money pit. What did I miss?” Sonia asked, rushing in the door and plopping down on the couch. She looked at the pizza and took two similar-sized slices and put them facedown on top of each other to make a double-decker.

“Julia’s moving to be with the aliens.”

“Twentynine Palms?” Sonia asked.

“That’s Area 51,” Julia corrected, yet again. Didn’t any of her friends know geography? “Twentynine Palms is not . . . oh, forget it. I don’t care. You guys don’t have to take me seriously. You won’t be around in my desert bubble anyways. I’ll be blissfully alone.”

“Someone’s a little hangry. Julia, honey, have another slice of pizza. I’ll pick off the olives and peppers for you,” Sonia suggested.

“She also dated Mr. Trot,” Rachel said.

“That slick sequins guy on TV? He’s cute. My mom loves him. But the music . . .” Sonia shuddered while vigorously shaking her head.

“He asked her to ramen and chill in his hotel room,” Rachel continued.

“What a sleazeball,” Sonia responded.

“Oh, and she drunkenly told Tae she wished he’d be her next setup,” Rachel added.

“Wait, you couldn’t lead with this headline?” Sonia spun her head around to look at Julia, wild-eyed. “Wow, you’ve been busy.”

“You,” Julia said, pointing at Rachel, “shush. And you,” she said and turned to point at Sonia, “listen carefully. I’m moving to the desert to get away from this cruel world. Setup number two was with Mr. Trot, and I’m still not over the migraine. And lastly, I may not have told Tae anything. Problem is, I don’t quite remember.”

Sonia stared at Julia, processing.

Julia waited.

“Uh-huh.”

Julia dropped her head in her hands. A pair of arms wrapped around her while an errant foot kicked her shin.

“Julia, why are you making things so hard on yourself?” Sonia asked, squeezing her tight.

“Just man up and get it on with Tae. What are you waiting for?” Rachel chastised her, a perfectly pedicured foot kicking her once more.

“Ow! I bruise easily,” Julia whined.

“Good, then you’ll remember this message longer,” Rachel said.

“I’m not saying Tae isn’t a great guy. He’s the salt of the earth. But he just got out of a relationship. And we’re just now getting to know each other again. I would never risk our friendship by throwing it into the garbage disposal that is my dating life. And, well, honestly, I don’t know that I could be enough for him. He needs someone who—”

“He needs someone who will support him as he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. Not someone like his ex-girlfriend who complained and demanded more from him,” Rachel said. “From what you’ve told us, she’s a real bitch.”

“That’s not fair. Maybe I was a little one-sided in my assessment of her. She just wasn’t right for Tae is all. And, by the way, neither am I,” Julia said.

“Tae needs someone who sees him as Superman,” Sonia said.

“But someone who doesn’t need Superman to save her too,” Rachel added. Sonia reached over, and Rachel met her hand in a high five.

“I repeat,” Julia said and looked at Rachel and then at Sonia, “he just got out of a relationship. I have no intention of being his rebound.”

“It’s been months since they broke up. And you would not be his rebound. You’d be his dream come true. You’ve been the one he’s wanted since he was a kid, just waiting for you to notice him now that he’s a man.” Sonia sighed. She mistook Julia for the heroine in one of her romance novels.

“Shit, why are you even going through these setups looking for your forever love when he’s standing right in front of you . . . prepping you to fall for someone else?” Rachel furrowed her brow. “Wait, this is some messed-up love story.”

Julia shook her head. “This is not how real life works. Just because we were friends growing up and have reconnected as adults doesn’t mean we were some kind of meant-to-be.”

Two sets of eyes bored into her soul.

“Plus he’s going through his own identity crisis of what he wants with his life. He’s not even sure if he’s staying in California. And I, well, we all know what a mess I am. My grandmother’s health is in question. Work has got me running in circles.” Julia stopped and took a breath. She closed her eyes before admitting the rest. “And I like him. I’m not willing to risk hurting him because I’m bad at dating and in a moment of wine-fueled weakness told him I wanted more.”

“Well, at least you’ve thought it through,” Sonia said. “But I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself. And I think you need to give Tae some more credit.”

“You’re both adults. And from what I can see, neither of you has a crystal ball to predict the future. You can’t run scared you’re gonna mess up any time there’s something that you’re not certain will succeed. You can’t let your fear of failure paralyze you from trying.”

Julia thought of the global expansion for Starlight. She wondered if it was something the team could handle on their own. Getting investors would be easier, but would it be the right choice? Could she take the risk?

And taking a risk was exactly what she’d be doing if she let herself feel anything for Tae. She’d rather move to the desert and live alone in solitude than hurt that man.

“You have a permafrown any time you talk about these setups,” Rachel said. “Which is the complete opposite of when you talk about the time you spend with Tae.”

“Be honest with yourself. Are you interested in him?” Sonia asked.

“I don’t know,” Julia answered.

“Well, that’s progress. At least you’re not trying to fool yourself that he’s like a little brother anymore,” Sonia said. “Julia, I think you should talk to him. Find out how he’s feeling. And if you’re both feeling the chemistry, which I have a good feeling you are, then maybe give it a shot.”

“Let’s not forget the man lives in Chicago. I can’t do long distance. There’s no way,” Julia said.

“I don’t know, seems to me he’s made himself real comfortable living in Irvine. I can’t see him going back, to be honest,” Sonia noted.

Rachel walked into the kitchen and pulled out three popsicles from the freezer. She came back and passed them out.

“I like what’s happening between us right now. Honestly, I don’t want to lose that. And he’s got a lot going on in his life at the moment. So do I,” Julia said.

“What’s happening between you two is called attraction, feelings. Face it, you two are basically dating as it is,” Rachel said.

“Julia, you need someone who will listen to you. Not like Michael Lee from Fullerton,” Sonia started.

“Yeah, and you need someone who is okay with you being the star, the success story. Not like Mr. Trot,” Rachel added.

“That all sounds nice. It sounds wonderful . . .” Julia said

“It sounds like Tae,” Sonia said.

Julia shook her head. “It sounds impossible.” She reached into her purse for an antacid. “Anyways, I’m not gonna do anything about this right now. I’ve still got setup number three. I promised my family that much. So let’s just pile on the pressure for this third and final date and put all thoughts of Tae out of the picture for now.” Julia swallowed the pill and picked up her phone to scroll through Instagram. She couldn’t stomach the looks on the faces of her two best friends. Sincerity, concern, pity. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just stressed because I have that meeting with Hansuk Holdings coming up, and I think they’re gonna offer funding for Starlight.”

“That’s amazing, Julia! Will that mean you’ll be distributed and marketed internationally? Like, in Korea too? I know that’s a dream of yours,” Sonia said.

“Yeah. Possibly. But . . . what if we put it out there and it fails?”

“Then, you figure out what’s not working, and you fix it. Like you always do.”

Julia nodded. Rachel was right. She hadn’t gotten this far by relying on easy wins, but rather with a lot of hard work and pivots when necessary. She could do this.

“Can you be my contractor and renovate my house?” Sonia asked. “I need someone who will figure out what’s not working and just fix it.”

“I can’t, but, uh, I know someone who can,” Julia answered.

“Oh my God, yes, please refer me to someone good. I want to fire my contractor so badly,” Sonia begged.

“Well, Tae? He’s been working on Starlight’s office renovations. At first, I just asked him to look at the plans and estimates to make sure I wasn’t getting screwed. But now, he’s finding suppliers and basically overseeing it all. You saw how good the makeup room looked during the Demo Day. I would’ve been up shit creek if Tae hadn’t shown up to pick up the pieces that lousy GC left behind when he quit. And the work he’s doing is stunning.” What a mess the whole thing would have been if Tae hadn’t taken over. “Thank God.” She sighed.

Rachel and Sonia exchanged a look that Julia could not miss. Since when did the two of them create a wordless language based solely on eye contact? Julia was feeling annoyed and left out, to be frank. “Okay, what now? What was that look for?”

“Competency porn,” they said in unison

Julia raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Oh, is it your first time? Did Tae just pop your competency porn cherry?” Rachel asked.

“Tae is good at everything. You can count on him for anything. Don’t make that face. He may not make a million dollars, but the man can get shit done,” Sonia said.

“And that is hot,” Rachel said.

“Competency porn,” they repeated together.

“Those shoulders . . .”

“And he’s got the ab thing going on . . .”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Julia took the hair tie around her wrist and wrapped her hair up into a bun. It was getting hot.

“One thing is for sure. Date number three does not stand a chance,” Sonia said.

Julia thought about what her friends were saying. Julia was attracted to Tae, yes. And if she could pick one person to spend time with, it would be him. But there was just so much going on for the both of them. It could never work.

Right?

Just like her fears for Starlight, what if she went for it and it failed?

One thing was for sure: it was a risk Julia wasn’t sure she was willing to take yet.

“Halmoni, you’re supposed to tie the gown over here on the side,” Julia said, as she bent to help her grandma close the flimsy piece of worn-out material before the entire nurses’ station got a glimpse of her breasts in all their glory.

“It doesn’t matter, Julia. The tie would offer some modesty if my boobs were still where they were supposed to be. Now that they’re down by my waist, this thing will fly open when I sit down anyways.”

Julia just shook her head at her grandma and laughed. She wasn’t wrong.

She was glad to have some levity in an otherwise-terrifying moment. Halmoni was way more composed than Julia was, and it was her body.

They sat in the waiting area of the radiology department next to a couple other very nervous-looking women. Turns out when they found something, it was something irregular in her first scan. Which, ironically, was supposed to be the last mammogram Halmoni would ever be recommended to take at her age. So now they were back for a full 3-D scan. And apparently, since the hospital only had one 3-D mammogram machine, appointments were hard to come by. Julia had to remember to send Jisoo some more product to thank her for getting them this appointment sooner than later.

“Yul Min Song?”

“Yes, over here,” Julia answered.

The tech looked between Julia and her grandmother. “I’m here to interpret,” Julia explained. Julia didn’t technically speak Korean, but she spoke Halmoni, and for some reason, that always seemed to help.

“Oh, okay, great. Well, we’re going to do a 3-D scan of her right breast today. We’ll have the doctor look at the results immediately, and she’ll determine whether the next step of an ultrasound will be required. If so, Ms. Song will have that done today as well. It could take up to a couple of hours, depending.”

Julia swallowed back her fear of the worst-case scenario and nodded. “Grandma, they’re going to take a 3-D scan of your right breast.”

“Okay, I understand,” her grandmother said.

See? Sometimes interpreting just meant the exact same words being said by someone you trust in a way that isn’t intimidating.

“It will all be okay. And when the doctor talks to you about it, I’ll be there,” Julia said.

“I’ll let you know if I need you,” her grandmother responded. She stood up from the chair and followed the technician to the exam room. She looked so small and in this moment, quite frail. Tears welled in Julia’s eyes. “You wait here.”

“No, I’m going in with you,” Julia insisted.

“Julia, wait here. This is my body. I get to decide how I want the news,” she said.

Julia hated her grandmother going into a cold exam room with a huge machine all alone. She hated it, but she had to respect it. So she nodded and sat back down.

And she waited.

The news couldn’t be good. It had been over an hour. Halmoni had chosen to wait in the exam room. She was avoiding Julia, she knew it.

Which meant it was bad.

Julia couldn’t handle this. Her grandmother was everything to her. She still had a whole life to live. Julia hadn’t even given her any grandchildren to hold in her arms. Julia had failed her so many times over.

The door of the exam room opened, and Julia jumped out of her spiraling thoughts and onto her feet.

Her grandmother was out of the gown and back into her clothes. She didn’t even look at Julia as she followed the nurse toward the exit.

“The doctor will be in touch,” the nurse said.

Halmoni nodded her head once and kept walking.

“Halmoni, wait,” Julia called after her. She reached out and gently grabbed her arm. “What happened? What did the doctor say?”

“Julia, let’s go eat kimchi-jjigae. I’m hungry.”

Kimchi-jjigae? That’s all that was on her grandmother’s mind?

“Halmoni, are you okay?” Julia asked.

“Yes, I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

“Are you sure? What did they say?”

“They said it’s fine.”

“And you’re sure you understood everything they told you?” Julia wasn’t sure how to get the answers without pressing. But her grandmother was being so stingy with her words.

“There were some longer words that I didn’t understand, but I don’t think they mattered. All I cared about was when the doctor said she was done and that I could go. If it was bad, she would have asked me to stay longer, no?”

They got to Julia’s car, and she helped her grandmother get into the front seat. Before she closed the door, Halmoni reached out her hand and cupped Julia’s cheek. Her expression the most somber Julia had ever seen her.

“It’ll all be okay, Julia. Don’t worry. Everything in life happens according to plan.”

Julia could do without the cryptic words of wisdom. Was this good news or bad news? She let out a sigh and nodded her head. She had to believe her grandmother would tell them all that was going on when she was ready. Maybe she’d call on Jisoo one more time to look over the results with them.

Julia closed the door, and as she rounded the car to get to the driver’s seat, she stopped, took a deep breath to hold it together, and got behind the wheel to take them home.

Julia opened her messages and found the one person who she thought could make her feel better.

Tell me everything is going to be ok she typed.

Everything is going to be ok Tae typed back.

But you don’t even know what I’m talking about

That’s ok. I still believe that somehow, some way, it will be

Promise?

Promise

And with that, Julia shut off her phone and cried, letting it all out where no one else could see. She didn’t know if they were tears of fear or relief. But she let them fall. And eventually she fell asleep believing that it would all be okay.

18
The One

Julia

Julia stood amazed, watching Tae as he talked to the new general contractor Julia had just hired, telling him exactly what needed to be prioritized for the office renovation. He’d come by to help select new light fixtures but ended up doing a walk-through that would save Starlight both time and money. What would she have done without his help? And honestly, what couldn’t he do well?

“Tae, thanks for being here. It’s just nice to have someone I can trust being involved. You’re so, um, competent.”

Julia blushed remembering the conversation with her friends. Shit, even Tae’s work ethic was starting to be attractive to her. She was doomed. Thank goodness she was wearing a high-collared blouse, because her neck’s flush was certain to give her away.

“It’s nothing, Jules. Not a problem at all. I’m happy to help.” She’d heard him saying these words to the people in the neighborhood all the time. The man loved being needed. “It’s the kind of work I actually like doing, ya know? Stuff with my hands, building. Plus, I like getting the chance to spend time with you.”

He shut his mouth immediately.

“Oh,” she responded in surprise. She couldn’t think of what else to say. That was really nice. She liked that he seemed happy with the work. And she liked spending time with him too. She could actually just say those words. But . . .

“You sound like you did when we were kids, knocking on my door asking if I wanted to come out and play.” She smiled at the memory.

“Yeah, I had a pretty massive crush on you growing up.” He rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled.

“Knock knock. Julia, I’m dropping off the design mock-ups for the new product launch before our meeting this afternoon. Take a look. I’m still not sure the team nailed it, to be honest. But I’ve been looking at these designs for days, and my eyes are crossing.”

Julia wasn’t sure if she’d just been rudely interrupted or gratefully saved by work.

The problem with a company and products suddenly in the spotlight, every angle was under a microscope. They had to get the new packaging right. It had to convey everything the company was about, clean cosmetics, organic products, Korean-inspired. And that was something the entire team was struggling with.

“Thanks, Jess. I’ll take a look.”

Jess’s eyes did a double-take as she reviewed the office. “It looks incredible in here. It’s the perfect blend of functional yet chic. I can’t believe how much bigger it seems. I heard the team talking about the bathroom reno too. It actually feels like a cosmetics company, not just a corporate office. Oh, and is the lighting replacement for the makeup stations? I’m obsessed with these.” Jess picked up the frosted-glass canisters that would hang over each workstation. Julia loved this version so much more than the ones originally installed. She was glad Jess seemed to agree.

“Well, you can thank this man here. Tae, this is Jess Kim, Starlight’s design director. Jess, this is Tae. He’s an old family friend but has helped out a ton with the renovations. He deserves all the credit.”

Tae reached out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Oh yes, Tae.” Jessica grabbed his hand and shook it. “Your name is famous around these parts nowadays. You’re really talented. You’ve got an incredible sense of function and design. Spatially too, the way everything’s been laid out is impressive.”

Tae tucked his lips in trying to hide the smile. But the corner of his mouth rose just as he dipped his head to hide it. Julia wished she could see if his cheeks were blushing too.

“Thanks, appreciate the kind words,” he said.

“Listen, I’d love to talk to you about some of our new brick-and-mortar stores,” Jess said. “We work with small spaces and limited square footage, but with the right design layout, they’re gonna draw the crowds. I assume you’re probably already working . . .”

Julia saw Tae stiffen. She got the sense that he hated engaging in these types of conversations. For some reason, any talk about jobs or his future made him uncomfortable. Julia didn’t want to pry, but she also wanted to help if she could. Tae was talented in so many ways. She’d love to be able to open up doors for him.

“Thanks, that’s really nice of you to say. But I can’t imagine you not having access to people way more qualified than I’d be at this,” Tae said.

“We could use a fresh take on it. Maybe our problem is we’re asking the same people with the same ideas and same methods to come up with something new.”

Tae looked to Julia, and she gave him a small smile, trying to encourage him to try.

“If you’d be interested in some freelance projects, we should talk. Can I get your contact info from Julia?”

“Talking can’t hurt,” Julia chimed in.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Tae said.

Jess turned to Julia. “Send me his info? I’m pumped.”

“Will do.” Julia tried to play it cool, but she couldn’t help turning to Tae with the brightest smile.

“That was cool,” Julia tried to say casually. Julia didn’t do casual. She was fishing for Tae’s interest level, and based on his expression, she wasn’t fooling him. “We could really use your help, Tae. We haven’t nailed the design for the store footprints yet, and it’s been pretty stressful determining how we want to grow. We know we want small stores, which will help us be more deliberate about our growth. But we also want to make the best use of the space, showcasing the product in a way that makes sense. You’ve done such great work at the office already. We could just hire you on a project basis. But you’d have to promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You can’t lowball us on the price of your services. You’re not billing Julia Song, your childhood friend. You’re billing Starlight—”

“The behemoth new cosmetics company,” he interrupted.

“Not quite behemoth, but I appreciate the confidence booster,” she said. “So what do you think?”

If Tae agreed and it worked out, it could be a win-win for everyone. Julia’s mother had mentioned all the medical bills Tae’s family was drowning under. Whether Tae planned on going back to his life in Chicago she didn’t know for sure. But she could help him now if he’d let her. And give him a viable option if he wanted to stay in California.

“I’m not sure I’m looking for anything full-time. But I could be open to some freelance project work, here and there, like Jess mentioned. Maybe.” That was it. No mention of his plans for the future and if those included staying here. That was all he was going to give her. She wouldn’t push.

“You could be a consultant,” Julia suggested.

Tae shook his head. “I prefer hands-on work and being involved in the process. But why don’t you give Jess my contact info, and we’ll see if it even makes sense to try and work something out.”

Julia nodded. She hoped it could work out. Selfishly, she’d like to see Tae around the office more.

“Hey, my mom asked me earlier if you could come over around four o’clock to fix the water heater. And she insists you stay for dinner. I’ve gotta go down there too, apparently. Important family meeting.”

“Uh-oh. Sounds ominous. Are they sure I should be there for dinner?”

“She says it’s nothing bad. But that usually means nothing bad for anyone else but me. And you absolutely will be there. I need you as my buffer.”

“This sounds like fun,” Tae said.

“Oh yeah, a real blast.”

“It smells amazing in here,” Tae said.

Julia took in a deep breath, the aromas of garlic and spice hitting her nose. It smelled delicious. It smelled like home.

Julia watched Tae greet her mom and her dad. Smiles and ease abounded. All the tension that Julia was so used to carrying faded away. What was this magical power that Tae held over people? Kindness? Generosity? Putting others before himself? But what about Tae? Who was offering all of this in return?

Julia’s thoughts turned to Tae’s now ex-girlfriend. What was Kari’s problem? Maybe she wasn’t close to her family, and that was why she couldn’t support Tae in his current situation.

But she also hated that Tae didn’t have someone who understood it, who got it. Family was everything.

Family was why Julia was stuck in this situation.

One setup to go. The first two had been flops, just like all the dates Julia had managed to land on her own.

Tae picked up his toolbox and started toward the door to the garage. But Julia’s grandmother stopped him along the way. She pulled him into her bedroom and closed the door behind them. That was odd. What would Halmoni have to say to Tae in private? She didn’t even close the door when using the bathroom.

“Julia-ya, set the table please.”

“Okay. Umma, how is everyone doing these days? Everybody in good health?”

“Sure, sure. You know, my back hurts sometimes when I stand up. And Daddy’s knees still ache when it’s a full moon. Uncle Eugene’s had a very bad case of hemorrhoids that he’s going to see an acupuncturist about—”

“And Halmoni?” Julia was fishing. Her grandmother had been a steel trap when it came to sharing information. But if something was really wrong, if the doctor had told her she was truly sick, she would tell the family, right? Julia had to believe that was true.

“Well, ever since you bought her that expensive red ginseng supplement, she brags to everyone how she can afford to have the good stuff and it helps her to walk a mile everyday.” Julia’s mom patted her on the back while passing her the container with all the metal chopsticks to place at each seat around the table.

Her family sure seemed to be going along as if Grandma was in the clear with a clean bill of health.

Julia was brought out of her thoughts with her mom smiling to herself in the kitchen. Julia’s suspicions rose. This could not be good. “Okay, Umma, are you going to tell me the important business you wanted to share? Why are we having a family dinner in the middle of the week?”

Julia’s mother looked over her shoulder at Julia, trying to look completely innocent. But she couldn’t hold it in any longer, a huge smile spread across her face. She rushed up to her side, wrapping both hands around Julia’s arm, eyes dancing.

“I was going to wait till dinner to tell you. But I can’t hold it in. We found him, Julia. We finally found him.”

“Who?”

“The One. We found The One.”

The One? Was it a long-lost uncle Julia hadn’t known about? Some K-drama star whose show finally was available to stream in the States?

“The man that is perfect for you.”

Julia dropped her head and groaned. Thirty years of bad dates punctuated by two terrible, failed setups. Julia was at her wit’s end. “Mother, listen to me. There is no such thing as The One. There is no man perfect for me. I’ll be lucky to find Good Enough.”

Julia turned to see the corners of her mother’s mouth turned down. All the light in her eyes, just seconds ago, vanished.

Damn it. Julia let out a sigh. “But maybe this guy is different . . .”

“Oh Julia, he is, he is. He’s . . .” Her mother took a deep breath in, clasping her hands at her heart. Julia knew exactly the next words that would come out of her mouth. These were the only ones that could cause this much hope, delight, euphoria.

“He’s a doctor.”

Bingo.

“Who’s a doctor? Is he any good?” Tae walked up looking none the worse for wear after his meeting with Julia’s grandmother. “I’ve been having some muscle aches in my back . . .” Tae put his hand to his lower back dramatically and bent a little bit. He glanced up at Julia and winked. He was here to rescue her. God bless him.

“Really? Oh, Taehyung-ah. Sit here. Let me go get a Salonpas patch. Take your shirt off.”

“Mom.”

“Oh, thank you, but please don’t fret. I think a hot shower tonight will help,” Tae said.

Julia looked over at Tae and tried to push the thoughts of him in a hot shower out of her mind. She was failing.

“Mom, can I call Appa and Halmoni for dinner?” she said, quickly changing topics.

They all sat down to dinner, and Julia reached into the many dishes to fill her plate. Her mom watched her in awe.

“What? I’m trying more Korean food lately. Tae helped me figure out some stuff to taste, and I like it.”

“But, Julia, that’s spinach,” her mom pointed out, brows raised, mouth dropped.

“I know, it’s a miracle. Go figure.” Julia shrugged. “Dad, can you turn up the volume on the TV? Tae, look, it’s SEVENTEEN.”

The television was always on in Julia’s parents’ house and always playing some kind of Korean programming. Julia just never paid attention. Now, surprisingly, she found herself recognizing things on the screen.

“That’s a Korean music group, Julia. I don’t think you know them,” her dad said.

“Oh, Julia is a big fan of Korean music now. Julia, sing them that trot song you love so much,” Tae said, eyes dancing at Julia. She narrowed hers back at him. But she had no shame in this game.

“Oh yes, it goes like this. Jin jin jin jin jin e-ya . . .” she sang. Suddenly, her mom, dad, and grandmother all joined in, filling in the lyrics Julia didn’t know. Tae jumped in as well, all of them singing and shimmying at the dinner table, laughing.

“Oh, this is so fun. Thanks for teaching our Julia so many wonderful Korean things, Tae,” her mom said.

“It’s good to try new things. Food, music, or even people you might never have considered you might come to really like, maybe even love. What was once something you barely noticed may become your very favorite,” Halmoni said.

Julia looked over to her grandmother. Sage words. And true. Julia never would have known how tasty eggplant could be if Tae hadn’t encouraged her to try it.

Her grandmother met Julia’s eyes with a steely gaze, held them as if trying to convey a very important message, and then broke the connection. Julia watched as her grandmother’s eyes scanned the table and landed on Tae with the same laser focus.

“What’s most important is that you have fun and feel good about yourself,” her grandma said, still staring at Tae. That was odd.

“So, Julia, as I was telling you, we found The One. Joshua. Joshua Park. Dr. Joshua Park,” her mom explained.

Well, there went Julia’s appetite.

“He’s a famous surgeon in Korea. He’s still very young, though. He went to Yonsei University.”

“You are not flying a man to California from Korea to go on a date with me,” Julia insisted.

“Oh no. We have the very good fortune that he is here in Los Angeles for a few weeks for a consultation. Can you believe it?” Her mom could barely contain her excitement.

Julia tried to smile, she really did. She could feel the skin around her mouth stretch, so maybe she was succeeding.

“Julia, I talked to my friend, you know Elder Chung at church? He knows this young doctor and spoke highly of him. He says that he is very nice and smart. Well-respected in his field.” Great, her dad was in on it too. “And tall.”

“Why would I go on a date with someone who’s from Korea?” Julia asked.

“We’re all from Korea,” her mom said.

“That’s not what I meant. I could never be in a long-distance relationship with someone who isn’t even in the same country as me.”

“Well, he’s considering taking a position at Cedars-Sinai hospital. So he could be just a short drive away. A doctor!” Her mom could barely contain her excitement.

“What do you think, Tae?” Tae and Julia both jerked their heads up as her grandmother turned the question to Tae. “You know Julia best.”

“Um, I think maybe I know myself best,” Julia interjected.

“Why would Tae have an opinion on this? We don’t need to bother him with Julia’s love life,” her mom added.

“I’m asking Tae what he thinks. I’m curious. Should Julia go out with this famous doctor from Korea?” her grandmother asked again.

Tae set his chopsticks down and placed his elbows on the table, his intertwined hands at his mouth in thought.

Please save me, Tae, Julia begged silently.

“It wouldn’t hurt to meet him,” he said. “I mean, since you still have a third setup date to experience.”

That traitor.

Julia let out a frustrated growl. “Fine. But this is the last one. After this, I’m done. I’m free. Unless . . .” Julia directed her attention to her grandmother. “Unless there’s something that would make me feel guilty enough to decide otherwise. Any such thing, Halmoni? Anything at all?”

But her grandmother simply looked down and continued to stuff her face with heaping spoonfuls of food, content as could be.

“Julia, we feel very good about this one,” Julia’s dad said.

“Oh, but there’s one thing. He doesn’t speak English,” her mom added.

“I’m sorry, but how is this not going to end up a disaster?” Julia dropped her chopsticks. “I don’t speak Korean very well. How are we going to even communicate?”

“Well, I thought maybe I could go with you?” Julia’s mom suggested as if it were completely normal to have your mom chaperone and facilitate discussion on a first date.

“Absolutely not. I have some sense of self-respect and pride. I’m not taking my mother on a date. No way. I’ll just use Papago, or I just won’t say a word.”

“Tae will go.”

All eyes turned, yet again, to Julia’s grandmother.

“Halmoni, you can’t just throw Tae’s name out there like he’s on call for this family. He has his own life. He doesn’t need to babysit mine.” How could Julia even focus on anyone else if Tae was there too?

“Tae, will you go? Will you go with Julia on this date to interpret and make sure she has a good time?” her grandmother asked him directly.

Tae’s throat moved as he swallowed what she was certain his lifelong regret of ever having met Julia’s family.

Julia looked at Tae, her eyes wide and wild, head shaking furiously. You can do it, Tae, she encouraged. Just say no. Just say no.

“Tae, you don’t have to . . .” she said.

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

“Sure, I’ll go.”

“Are you nuts? You are not coming on this date with me. No way. I can’t even believe my family asked this of you. I know you always say yes to everybody, but to this? Stop letting people walk all over you, Tae. You’re not doing this.”

“Don’t make this about me, Julia. Your family is trying to do a nice thing. They’re doing this for you. And just because you’re dead set on believing you’re going to mess this up, you won’t even give it a try. Maybe this doctor is The One. How can you know if you don’t meet him?”

The words stung. If Tae was this up for trying to get Julia with this doctor, it clearly meant he had no interest in her himself. She hadn’t anticipated how much that realization would hurt.

“There’s no such thing as The One, Tae. There’s just a whole lot of people out in the world, and if you get lucky enough you find someone you can stand to be with the rest of your life.”

“That’s bullshit. And I know it’s not what you believe,” Tae said.

“I can’t believe you didn’t have my back in there.” Julia sighed, shaking her head. Why did it feel like he was on their side instead of hers? She didn’t like it.

“What do you want from me, Julia? Do you not want me to come as your interpreter? You’d rather have your mother?”

They were standing back where they’d originally reconnected, in the middle of the neighborhood park by the swings. Julia didn’t even remember walking here, she was just so frustrated and angry and let her feet lead the way.

“I don’t want you to see firsthand how bad I am at this. If you go on this date with me . . .” She hesitated.

“I’ve been on dates with you, Julia. Two so far. And they’ve been the best times I’ve had in a long time. You’re fun and funny and smart and observant. You can dish it out with the best of them. But you can take it too. And I love that. I love spending time with you. I love—”

He’d stopped himself. And that pause snapped Julia out of the warm bubble Tae’s words had put around them.

Pop.

“But that’s with you, Tae. I’m not like that with anyone else. You’re the reason we have fun, not me.”

Tae reached over and gently lifted her chin with his finger. She tried to avoid his eyes. She hated being this vulnerable in front of anyone. But she hated Tae seeing, hearing, how pathetic she was.

“Julia,” he said, his voice so soft, she could barely hear him. But her heart was screaming for him to say her name again.

He put his hand on her cheek, and she wanted to lean into its warmth. But she couldn’t move. She was planted in this moment, rendered unable to react. Why couldn’t it be like this with the men she dated? Why was it only with Tae?

“I need you to go on this date so that you can see.” Tae was almost pleading with Julia.

“See what?”

“See yourself. See . . . me.” He shook his head. “I don’t know. I need you to see that it could be . . .” He wouldn’t finish his sentence. His eyes stared down into Julia’s, his face drawing closer.

Julia held her breath. The tenderness of his eyes made her knees weak. She drew herself up as he lowered himself to meet her. She closed her eyes and—

“Tae?”

An unfamiliar voice cut through the air.

Tae jumped back and the coldness slapped Julia immediately in the face. She opened her eyes and looked at the beautiful woman walking across the park. She’d never seen her before in the neighborhood. Julia didn’t know this woman, but this woman knew Tae.

Julia looked up to see Tae’s surprised expression.

“Kari, what are you doing here?” he asked.

Julia looked back at the stranger as she approached them. She took a close look and knew it immediately, the face of someone in love, the face of someone determined, the face of someone here to win back her man.

The face of Kari, the ex.

19
Ex-Girlfriend

Tae

“Kari, what are you doing here?”

“I’m in town for work. I thought while I was here, you and I could talk face-to-face, get some closure. What I didn’t expect was to find you here with someone else.” Her tone was sharp, the accusation clear. Kari leaned to look behind Tae. But he blocked her way. He didn’t want a scene.

He held Kari by the elbow and walked her across the street away from the park to his house. He wanted to look back. He wanted to give Julia an I’m sorry glance. But that would be a dick move along the lines of, oh, almost kissing your childhood crush while the girl you recently broke up with is standing nearby. He hated leaving Julia behind, though. Heat prickled at his back. He just knew she was watching them walk away.

Julia.

What was he thinking leaning in to her that way? He just couldn’t stop himself. He was so swept up into her and her nutty family and their obvious love for each other. And he wanted her to see him, not as the little brother, not as some dating coach. But him. As someone . . . possible. He wasn’t crazy, was he? Could the two of them work, despite being at two totally different places in their lives?

“You should have called,” Tae said.

“I did. You should have checked your messages.” Kari’s eyes drifted back to the park. “Seems you’ve been . . . busy.”

“Julia is an old friend. I’m here because of my family and nothing else.” A couple weeks ago, those words would have been the truth. But Tae was starting to wonder if maybe there were other reasons for him to stay.

Kari dropped her head and let out a long sigh, the sound of defeat. “I’m sorry. I guess I need a reason, someone to blame, for us falling apart.”

She lifted her eyes up to meet Tae’s, tears welling. Tae didn’t want to be an asshole, but he couldn’t quite understand why she was taking this so hard. Or maybe he was the one that was emotionally broken.

“I don’t think we fell apart so much as we just didn’t work, if that makes sense.”

Kari furrowed her brow as if trying to make the math work. “I shouldn’t have come,” she said.

“Why did you come?” Tae wanted to make sure he helped her get the closure she needed. So he had to know what doors she might still feel were left open.

She shrugged. “I wasn’t ready to give up on us, Tae. I thought maybe if I came by and talked to your parents, they would see everything you left behind and let you come home. Is it crazy that I wanted to fight for us? To try and make it work?”

The problem was that Kari thought Tae was choosing his family over her. She wasn’t able or willing to make space for them all. And that was what Tae wanted, to be with someone who had space in their heart for him, his family, her family, her friends, her business . . .

Tae’s eyes wandered back over to the swings where he had just been. Julia was gone.

His heart sank.

“Kari, trust me when I say that I’m not worth fighting for.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Tae. I think you’re pretty great.”

He wanted to tell her that the man she dated wasn’t the real him at all. It never had been. He’d been a shell of a person the last couple years, a robot going through the motions, doing the things he thought people expected of him. Could she even understand that the person she thought Tae was becoming while here in Irvine had been the real him all along?

“I’m sorry. I wish things could be different, that I could be different,” he said.

The pained look on her face pierced his heart. She deserved someone who wanted something serious with her, who loved her, someone who saw her as their entire world. That someone wasn’t Tae.

“Do you have feelings for—” she swallowed “—that woman? The family friend, the one you were with just now?”

Yes, he thought to himself. The answer felt so clear. But standing here with Kari, his recent past, along with all its failures, staring him in the face, he was reminded of exactly why he wasn’t in a position to date anyone, and most especially not Julia.

“I can’t be with anyone right now.” Tae meant it. This same issue was going to come up with anyone that needed him in their life. He didn’t have any extra to give. He had to remember that, or else the next person could get hurt too.

Tae thought about Julia. He would never let himself hurt her. Nothing had changed. Just because he had feelings for her, it didn’t magically make his own issues he needed to work through go away. He still wasn’t good enough for her, didn’t have enough to offer her. And he knew it.

Kari and Tae stood there in silence.

She looked broken. Shoulders slumped, head lowered, lips tightened together. Tae gave in and reached his arm out and wrapped it around Kari. She rested her head on his shoulder and started to cry. Fuck. He never wanted to hurt her. He thought they were both done with this.

“C’mon, let’s go inside,” he said. They’d given the neighborhood enough of a show. He looked over his shoulder one last time at Julia’s. The drapes of their front window shifted and swayed. But as he looked closer, he realized it wasn’t Julia looking out at them. It was Grandma Song. Great. He’d be the talk of the town by the end of the day.

He opened the door and let them inside.

Kari had a large suitcase with her, and Tae wondered how long she was going to be in town. And then wondered where she was planning on staying. Because it would definitely not be here at his parents’ house with him.

Tae’s mom surfaced from the kitchen as Tae and Kari took off their shoes. She quickly tried to hide the look of displeased shock on her face.

“Oh, Kari. You’re here? This is a surprise. I didn’t know you would be visiting,” she said politely. Tae’s mom had never been a fan of Kari. She thought Kari was all wrong for him. Tae defended her every time, so his mom eventually dropped it. He never quite trusted that sudden backing-off of his mother’s nagging about his girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Suspicious, for sure. But to her credit, she was being very friendly now. And Tae appreciated that. No matter that he and Kari were done, he still cared about her, and well, she was here. He wasn’t going to send her away or be outright inhospitable to her.

“Annyeonghaseyo,” Kari said, bowing in greeting to his mother. “It’s so good to see you again. Have you been well?”

“Yes, yes. We’re all good. It’s been so nice having Tae at home taking care of things. He makes everything better for us and for the community.”

Kari’s smile was tight, but she was trying. It had always been important to her to impress his mother.

“And Mr. Kim? He’s doing well?”

“Yes, he’s off playing golf right now, but should be home for dinner. He’ll be very surprised to see you.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Tae’s mom’s eyes scanned till they reached her suitcase. She looked quickly back at Tae, raising an eyebrow.

“Kari, have a seat,” Tae said, holding his hand out to the sofa. She was here to talk, so now was as good a time as any.

“Dinner is almost ready. Tae you already ate at the Songs’ house with Julia, yes?” Ah, there was his mother. That comment was not a statement. It was a point.

“I did. But I can always have more.”

She nodded. “I’ll set the table, and we’ll all eat once your father gets home. Kari, will you be joining us for dinner?” Tae’s mom never asked when it came to dinner. But rather, she insisted. That was another point she was making in her own way.

Tae just shook his head. It wasn’t mean-spirited. It was just her.

“Sure, I’d love to stay for dinner,” Kari replied.

“Good. Well, then, I’ll give you two some privacy.”

Tae led them to the living room and took a seat opposite Kari on the sofa.

“It seems like your dad is doing better,” she said.

“Yeah, he’s a lot better, thank God,” Tae said.

“But you’re not coming back.” It wasn’t a question. Was it that obvious?

Tae shook his head. “I’m just not ready yet. I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready. Chicago. It’s not my home. The life I had there, it’s not the life I want for myself.”

“Look, Tae. I realize we might not have worked out, but I care about you. I’m worried about you. I get it. This is your hometown. Your family is here. But are you just gonna throw away the life you built? Your job? Your friends? Your future?”

She sounded just like his brother. And probably just like his HR manager. And likely any guidance counselor, online therapist, or tarot card reader who looked at Tae’s life.

“I’m happy here.”

“You were happy in Chicago . . .”

“But I wasn’t, Kari. You didn’t know me well enough to see it. I was depressed and miserable and in a dark place. I needed to leave for myself and my mental health just as much as my family needed me to come.”

“You were miserable,” she said slowly, as if trying on the words for size. Testing out their exact meaning and how it impacted her.

“Yes.”

“I made you miserable.” She raised her eyes to meet Tae’s.

“Everything made me miserable. And it was as much about me and stuff going on in my head as it was about anything happening around me.”

She nodded slowly, processing it all. And Tae was beginning to feel like maybe she was getting it now. He wasn’t going to say it, but the age old It’s not you, it’s me line was the truth here. Tae went to sit next to Kari, wrapping his arms around her for a hug. A goodbye. At one point he might have cared for her. But he was a different guy back then.

“Dinner is ready,” his mom called from the kitchen just as his dad came through the garage door. “Dangshin, Kari is here, from Chicago. Isn’t that a surprise?”

Kari quickly wiped her eyes and stood up to greet Tae’s dad.

“You look so healthy, Mr. Kim.”

“Oh, thank you. Yes, I feel good.”

Kari looked back at Tae. She gave him a small, sad smile and nodded. Maybe seeing his dad helped her to understand. He was okay now, in remission, not in immediate peril. And yet Tae had no intention of leaving. It finally clicked.

They all sat down to eat. Tae’s mom passed around bowls of rice, and Kari waved her hand to decline.

“I’m on keto,” she said.

“You’re on what-o?” Tae’s mom asked, nose scrunched.

“Keto. I don’t eat rice, bread, pasta, sugar, or legumes.”

“Legumes,” Tae’s dad repeated.

The corners of his mom’s mouth dropped in a frown. No matter what she’d believed about Kari up until this point, keto had sealed her fate.

Kari was never winning her over.

Lucky thing she no longer had to.

“Well, I hope there’s something here for you to eat. I’d hate for you to be hungry at whatever hotel you’re staying at.”

Point, Mom.

20
No Job, No Pay

Julia

Julia had been anxious on the previous dates. There was a lot of pressure on her, and she didn’t want to let anyone down.

Tonight, however, she felt actual nerves. Her stomach was all in knots, which made this fancy dinner even harder to face. It could be that this was the third setup and there was something so final about it all. Her last chance to prove that she could do this. That all the time and effort taken away from work and dedicated to coaching and practicing had paid off. That the effort had been worth it.

Or it could be that this one had the additional stakes of being the dream doctor her parents put so much hope in. Success on the date and her mother would be booking wedding venues. Maybe she could keep her promise to her grandmother after all and all would be well.

But Julia knew the real reason why her fingers tingled, why her mouth was so dry, why she couldn’t stop tapping her foot. It was because Tae was coming. Even as they practiced Korean terms and phrases together over email and texts through the course of the last week, they didn’t once mention their almost kiss. And they didn’t talk about Kari.

Was Kari’s surprise visit all it took for him to go back to her? Maybe showing up in California was her way of saying she’d show up for him in his life too, support his family as well.

Or maybe it was their final goodbye.

Julia didn’t know. And she was going into this date blind.

It also didn’t help that Tae was going to see with his own two eyes how bad Julia was at this. He was going to witness her awkward conversations, not just hear about them from her. She couldn’t joke about it or complain about it or make it seem like it was the other person’s fault. He was going to see how uninteresting she could be. And, if all went really badly as it tended to do, he might see her drop her guard and speak her mind without filter and be scared off like every other man had been.

It was her third and last try, and it felt like Coach Tae was here to give her a final grade. Julia had held out hope that she might meet a man she liked, she enjoyed spending time with, someone she could connect with. A man like . . .

Tae.

Julia patted her cheeks with her palms, trying to get circulation and some color back. Wake up, Julia. You’re not going on a date with Tae. You’re on a date with Dr. Joshua Park. Focus. Tae was just there as an interpreter. She couldn’t carry the burden of trying to impress two men on this one date. It would most certainly be a disaster. She’d deal with Tae later.

They had all planned to meet at Spring Restaurant in Brentwood. It was fancier than Julia tended to patronize. And she hated that Tae had to drive all the way up to LA to help her out . . . again.

She arrived at the restaurant a few minutes early and stopped in her tracks as she saw him waiting at the front door. Tae was in black, slim-cut slacks and black loafers. He wore a dark gray V-neck sweater that fit him to perfection, every curve of his arm muscles and his chest on display. His hair was styled back out of his face. And oh God, he had on the sexiest black-frame glasses. Tae in glasses was a whole other level.

She swallowed down the boulder-size lump of desire in her throat.

A loud car horn broke through the haze. Julia was standing in the middle of the parking lot, right in front of the valet station, car lights beaming at her face.

“Sorry,” she stuttered.

A hand was suddenly in hers, holding tight, another hand at her back. She looked up to see Tae’s perfect profile, leading her out of the way. When they got to the curb, he looked down, searching.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, uh, just got distracted for a second.” Why was she whispering?

“You look gorgeous,” he said. Why was he whispering?

It was too tender, too intimate.

Julia dropped her head and tucked her hair behind her ear as her long bangs dropped back into her face. She’d changed her clothes at the office and donned a short black sleeveless dress with a low-cut neckline and six-inch Louboutin ankle boots. She felt powerful in this outfit. She felt like she could face a date with a renowned surgeon who saved lives every day but couldn’t speak English and would require an interpreter who happened to be a man Julia may or may not have feelings for and currently the star of all her wild fantasies.

Shit, it was going to be that kind of date, and this outfit was not going to cut it after all. She should have gone with battle armor.

“Thanks for agreeing to come tonight, Tae.”

“Like I’d miss this,” he said, his playful smile in place. She really hoped he wasn’t going to stir up any trouble and embarrass her.

“Gonna see firsthand how bad I am at this,” she said.

His smile immediately disappeared, face replaced with an expression of concern.

“Don’t sabotage it before it even starts,” he said.

Oh, so he wanted this date to be a success. Maybe his conversation with Kari convinced him he still cared about her. Noted.

She couldn’t look up at him. He’d see the disappointment. He’d read her hidden emotions.

“Hey, no matter what happens tonight, let’s promise that you and me, we’ll have fun, okay? That’s something we can control,” he said.

His voice was kind, and Julia reminded herself that she at least had Tae’s friendship. She nodded in agreement. One thing she could acknowledge was that Tae’s presence in her life was a gift, whatever form it took.

“Deal,” she said.

“Julia Song?”

Tae immediately let go of Julia and stepped back as if he’d been caught stealing someone’s property. Julia hadn’t realized he’d still been holding her, as if his hand was just meant to always be there. But she did notice when it was gone.

Julia turned to find an incredibly handsome man with a curious expression staring at her. “You are Julia Song?”

He was tall and stood as if elongated from the tip of his head. It was the type of posture she’d expect from a dancer. His neck was long, and his jawline could cut glass. Full brows and lips that met together in what looked almost like a pout. He reminded Julia of a K-drama actor.

Julia was so struck by the resemblance, she hadn’t even bothered to answer him. He was stunning.

“Julia. Good time to maybe say something,” Tae said. He sounded annoyed. It was starting. Julia couldn’t even handle a basic greeting. She was going to blow it on this date, and Tae would never acknowledge her again.

“Huh? Oh, yes, sorry. Yes, I’m Julia. Are you Dr. Park?”

The tall stranger smiled, and his entire face changed from regal to dashing. Julia was mesmerized. This guy had walked straight off a movie set. He had to have.

“Yes, I am Dr. Park. But you can call me Joshua.”

His English wasn’t terrible. But it didn’t seem like he was going to say much more than this unless he switched to Korean. And . . .

Tae. That’s why Tae was here. To interpret. She turned to introduce Tae to Joshua, but he’d already reached out a hand and the two of them spoke together in Korean. It was light and both were smiling. Apparently, Tae was going to make the most out of this night and not let it be awkward. Tae didn’t do awkward.

Julia was the master of awkward.

Joshua opened the door for Julia, and Tae and followed them inside. The host walked them to their small table for three by the window and pulled out a chair for Julia as she sat down and pulled the napkin into her lap. When she looked up, she was surprised to find Tae sitting next to her and Joshua sitting in the only remaining seat . . . across from Tae. This was an awkward setup. The two men were already engaged in what sounded like a friendly chat. Julia tried to focus and listen along, waiting for words she might recognize.

In fact, Tae and the good doctor continued to chat—long, animated sentences punctuated with laughs and nods—as Julia waited for Tae to interpret and bring her into the loop.

“Dr. Park is consulting on a few patient surgeries at UCLA,” Tae finally said to her.

“And?” Julia asked.

Tae looked at her confused.

“That’s it? What else? You guys said like twenty things there. There’s nothing more to convey?”

“You seem incredibly interested,” he said, raising an eyebrow. It felt like an accusation. “He saves lives for a living. Do you want me to share the details? I was trying to spare you.”

Tae’s smile wasn’t his normal good-natured one. Nor was it his wicked, playful one. It was tight and didn’t come with the usual matching sparkle in his eyes. Why was he so annoyed with her?

“I guess not. I was just thinking there’d be more to interpret so I can get to know him better. You both looked like you were talking about fun stuff too,” Julia said. She wanted to know the fun stuff. Her mouth turned down as she frowned at being left out.

“We’re also talking about soccer, and I know you hate sports talk. But if you want me to translate . . .”

“Ugh, no, I’m fine. Carry on.” That was not the fun stuff. Julia appreciated that Tae spared her. She smiled at Joshua and then turned to Tae. Her smile slowly dropped as his eyes narrowed at her. What was his problem?

Tae just shook his head and turned back to hear what Joshua was saying. In fact, Tae listened for a good five more minutes without interpreting anything to Julia. How much was there to say about soccer?

Julia was bored. She looked around the restaurant at the various couples with their expensive clothes and overpriced handbags.

Julia felt a warmth at her thigh and glanced down to see Tae’s hand on her leg. Was he . . . feeling her up? On her date? He couldn’t wait until after the date when she was more prepared for this kind of hubba-hubba?

“Your napkin was slipping off your lap. I just readjusted it for you.” His mouth turned up slightly in one corner.

Julia swallowed. She couldn’t think straight while Tae was touching her. She cleared her throat, which got the attention of both men. “Um, excuse me. I just had a tickle.” She reached for her water and drank the entire glass.

Tae passed her his untouched glass of water.

Julia was starving. Her stomach growled, and she quickly pressed down on it with her hands, hoping nobody noticed. Tae spared a glance her way, and the corner of his mouth lifted again.

The server finally came and dropped off a bread basket and butter. Yes, thank God, Julia thought as her mouth watered at the smell. Joshua and Tae could continue chatting all they wanted. Julia just needed that beautiful, warm dinner roll to make her happy.

As Joshua continued to talk while Tae dutifully listened, neither made a move for the bread. Julia didn’t want to reach across the table and be rude. But desperate times . . .

She lifted her hand toward the basket just as Joshua picked it up. She smiled in gratitude, even though he wasn’t actually looking at her, and raised her bread plate. Without missing a beat in their conversation, with the tongs in hand, Joshua picked up a roll and put it on his plate. He then passed the basket to Tae. Julia let out a little whimper.

Tae turned to glance at Julia. “Did you want some bread, Julia?” he asked.

Julia narrowed her eyes at Tae. He knew she damn well wanted some bread. “Yes, please,” she said with a strained smile, mouth possibly drooling.

Tae put a dinner roll on Julia’s plate . . . and then another . . . and winked.

She recorded that wink in her memory to pull up and fantasize about later. Right now, she only had one thing she lusted after. Julia took a big bite of the warm roll and stifled the blissful moan she wanted to let out. Saved.

She looked up to find two sets of eyes on her.

“Julia, I was telling Dr. Park about some of Starlight’s recent accolades. You should tell him how you got inspired to start your own company, especially in the beauty industry. It’s impressive,” Tae said.

Aw, Julia loved this question. She was ready to tell him about all the hard work she’d put into building Starlight. Except . . . her mouth was stuffed with a fluffy dinner roll at the moment. She looked at Tae and then at Joshua and then back at Tae. She tried to chew as fast as she could, but she had put almost a half a roll in her mouth. She wasn’t expecting to be asked a question.

Tae must have noticed the panicked look on her face and turned back to Joshua and said something that made them both laugh. And just like that, she was no longer the center of attention.

Tae reached over and wiped something off of Julia’s mouth with his thumb.

She almost choked on her bread at the contact.

“Crumb,” he said and then turned his attention back to the chatty doctor.

Julia grabbed the menu and raised it to try and hide her certain blush.

“Jules, looks like they’ve got a good pasta on the menu that’s vegetarian,” Tae mentioned. It was, in fact, the exact thing Julia was considering ordering.

“Yeah, I think I’ll get that.”

The three of them placed their orders, and conversation continued on, mostly the good doctor talking and Tae nodding politely.

Tae, to his credit, got with the program and turned to Julia often, interpreting what the two of them were talking about . . . music, the food, sports (yuck) . . . and looked to Julia to jump into the conversation. Julia tried asking some questions for Joshua too. But by the time Tae translated the question, Joshua answered (the man was verbose), and Tae translated back (she appreciated his CliffsNotes versions), she always felt two steps behind.

And frankly, the good doctor could not seem less interested in anything Julia had to say anyways. Despite Tae’s best efforts to direct the conversation topic to Julia, Dr. Park could not muster the attention to listen about her work, her family, or hobbies . . . nothing.

When their dinners arrived, Julia made quick work of her pasta and turned longingly to see the side of au gratin potatoes that Tae had ordered only half-eaten. As Tae nodded with interest at whatever the good doctor was talking about now, Tae removed Julia’s empty plate from in front of her and traded it with his.

He was an actual angel. She devoured the potatoes.

The night went on with Dr. Park commandeering the conversation, Tae politely nodding, and Julia getting increasingly depressed at yet another failure of a date.

Julia couldn’t see herself having any kind of relationship where communication couldn’t be a two-way street. It wasn’t the language barrier. It was the lack of interest. Joshua Park did not seem the type who wanted a partner. And if Julia had been worried in the past about being too much, a future with Dr. Park would be one where she was likely erased entirely.

What a shame. He was strikingly handsome.

But then again, so was Tae.

Tae, the one shielding her, protecting her, sacrificing himself for her all night so that she’d be spared. He was her knight in shining armor in this battle of bad dating. Tae with his sword lifted high, running across the battlefield, fighting the enemy of boredom to save Julia. And when he’d made his way through the army that captured her, he untied the ropes around her hands, dipped her low as he kissed . . .

“Julia? Julia.” Tae’s hand waved in front of Julia’s face and brought her out of the scene playing in her head.

“Huh? Oh, sorry . . . I was just thinking about . . .”

“Do you want dessert?” Tae asked.

Heck yeah, she wanted dessert. She nodded, and Tae ordered both the chocolate cake and the berry crumble. Julia fought hard not to clap with excitement.

“Tae-ssi, we never talked about what you do for a living. What is your job?” Joshua asked.

Julia worked through Joshua’s Korean to make out the question, understanding some of the words as the inquiry was one of the ones Tae had tutored her on. He’d prepped Julia to be able to speak in Korean about her company a little bit. All that prep had been for naught, considering how little she spoke tonight. But she hadn’t planned on the question being turned to Tae.

And, by his expression, neither had he.

Tae hated this question, Julia knew. It was one of those hard-to-explain ones. Tae was a superhero to many. He offered help and support in ways that didn’t even have to be listed on a résumé; in fact, a résumé could never do him justice.

Just say you’re in business, Tae, Julia pleaded in her head. Men like Joshua cared about prestige and titles. He was a top surgeon. Michael Lee was a lawyer. Mr. Trot was, well, Mr. Trot. But none of them held a candle to the man that Tae was. But they wouldn’t see it that way. Sometimes taking the easier way out in a conversation was the best way. Julia was now learning this.

Tae sat up straighter and answered, “I’m actually unemployed at the moment.”

“Not really. You’re just taking time off to help your family,” Julia corrected. She didn’t like Tae selling himself short.

Tae gave a small shake of his head. “No, I’m unemployed. I exhausted my time off. And since I can’t go back to Chicago yet, they had to let me go. I guess I’ll just look for something new. I still have some things to figure out first,” he explained.

“Tae.” Julia laid her hand on his.

“It’s okay, seriously. Let’s talk about it later,” he said under his breath.

But Dr. Joshua Park was not going to let it go.

“Korean words work Korean words money Korean words bad.” Damn, Julia really wished she’d paid more attention during Saturday Korean school as a kid. But it didn’t take fluency or a translator to get the gist of his raised voice and incredulous tone.

Tae’s jaw ticked as he tried to hold himself together with patience and a prayer.

“Tae has a lot of talents like design and carpentry and . . .” Julia tried to explain in an ineffective combination of English and Korean words.

Tae touched Julia’s knee under the table. But it wasn’t a sexy, stolen touch. It was a request. Stop. He didn’t want Julia answering for him.

But she could see the judgment on Joshua’s face, and she wasn’t going to stand for it.

“He takes care of his—”

“Julia.” Tae’s voice carried a warning.

Joshua narrowed his eyes at Tae, his entire expression changing. The easy hey, buddy smile had shifted into a disdained smirk. The chin that had nodded at Tae’s opinions before rose in haughtiness now.

The one thing that successful Korean doctors could not tolerate, apparently, were people they believed to be lazy and unsuccessful for no reason.

Joshua’s attention shifted to Julia. He asked her a question and then flippantly waved his hand to Tae as if ordering him to interpret.

Heat rose to Julia’s cheeks as the anger grew. She was going to tell this doctor what an arrogant asshole he was, and she’d make sure he wouldn’t need to understand her words to get the message.

The server came to drop off the check, and Julia thought the good ol’ Dr. Park had better leave a fat tip considering the timing just saved his life. Tae reached for his wallet, but Joshua raised his hand to stop him, passing his Black Card over to the server.

“You did not eat much,” he said. “I pay.”

Julia thought back to the meal. Tae had only ordered a salad and side of potatoes. This was one of the most expensive restaurants in the city. She hadn’t even thought about Tae paying for his own meal. She hadn’t even considered how Tae was scraping by to get his dad’s medical bills paid. She was an asshole and had put Tae squarely in a position that would make him uncomfortable.

“I can pay.” He tried to hand his card over to the server. “Please split the check between the two cards.”

“I’ll pay,” Julia offered.

The two men were in a stare-down and didn’t even acknowledge her. The server gave her an apologetic expression.

“No job,” Joshua said to the server, pointing at Tae. “No pay.”

Julia watched as Tae’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He clenched his jaw. She’d never seen him this . . . angry.

“Tae, just let him pay, please,” Julia said, gently touching Tae’s hand.

Tae lowered his attention to where Julia’s hand lay on his. His eyes narrowed, and his nostrils flared, lips pressed tightly together.

He pulled his hand away from her touch and put his credit card back in his wallet.

21
What About Julia?

Tae

“Thanks for coming over to help, man. We really appreciate it.”

Sonia Oh and James Shim had just bought a house in Silverlake and were in the process of updating the floors, the kitchen, and the bathrooms. It was a stunning Spanish-inspired home with arched doorways and incredible original-to-the-house trim. Tae’s hands itched to work on it to renovate and restore it to all its potential.

“When Julia said you were working with her GC on the Starlight office renovations, I begged her to let me ask you to help us with ours too. She raved and raved and raved about how you’ve saved the day. She would be lost without you.”

“Sonia.” James put a hand on her arm as a gentle warning.

“I’m just saying, honey.”

Tae wasn’t sure exactly what it was that Julia had raved about to Sonia, but he appreciated a solid referral and some extra work. Tae had done some odd jobs for Sonia’s parents in the past, but being here going over what she and James needed from him was nice and, hopefully, lucrative.

Tae didn’t know many people his own age, to be honest. If friendships were determined by the amount of time you spent with someone, Mr. Im, the ninety-year-old with IBS and a constantly backed-up toilet that regularly needed fixing, would probably be considered Tae’s bestie by this point.

“You’re in such high demand these days, I hear,” Sonia said.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Tae said.

“Even my cousin, who lives down in San Diego, has heard of you. Now that you’re doing work favors for friends in LA, are you going to expand your services?” Sonia asked.

“I actually don’t do any of this formally. I just do it to help if someone needs it.”

“Well, if you do decide to take on more, you should probably get licensed for some of the bigger types of jobs, just to be safe,” James suggested.

Tae didn’t want to take on bigger types of jobs, at least nothing that required him to be licensed and pigeon-holed. He was fine doing what he was doing. At least he would be, once he paid off his dad’s medical bills. The only thing he wanted right now was not to be asked about what he wanted. When it came to choices about this future, Tae felt paralyzed.

What if he chose wrong again? How many chances does someone get to pivot and change course in their life?

“Mr. Fixer-Upper by day, expert dating coach by night, all with a heart of gold. You’ve been so amazing for Julia. Tae, you’re possibly the one man I’d leave James for. I’ve told him so,” Sonia said.

“Thanks, honey. I’d also leave you for Tae,” James replied.

Tae laughed at their interaction. Sweet.

“So speaking of Julia . . .”

Tae straightened his back, and his ears perked up. Sonia and James exchanged a knowing glance and smiled. Guess Tae’s eagerness hadn’t gone unnoticed.

Sonia topped off Tae’s coffee mug and leaned back into James’s waiting arm draped over the back of their sofa. Tae brought the mug up to take a sip.

“I mean, Dr. Fucking Park, amirite?” Sonia said.

Tae choked on the molten liquid and forced it down before almost coughing it back up.

“Jesus, honey, you couldn’t wait for Tae to have finished his coffee first? You just dove right in,” James said.

The corners of Sonia’s mouth turned downward in an apologetic frown. “I’m sorry, Tae. Here,” she said, passing him a napkin. “But truly, what an asshole.”

Guess Tae didn’t have to wonder if they’d heard about the date with Dr. Park. His face heated, thinking of the humiliation he battled at the end of the night. No job. No pay. The dude had been trying to make Tae feel small.

And it had almost worked.

What an arrogant prick. The only satisfaction Tae got from it all was knowing Julia would never give that guy a chance again. She’d seemed interested in the beginning. The man was a model dressed up as a doctor. But Julia did not suffer fools gladly. And her face at the end of the night said it all. She was done with Dr. Park.

“Tae?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, total douchebag. Completely wrong for Julia,” he said.

“And how do you think things are going with Julia?” She raised a brow and had a wicked gleam in her eye. Sonia could mean anything by this question. Things as in work stuff? Things as in practice-dating stuff? Things as in we-almost-kissed-until-my-ex-showed-up stuff? Things as in I-can’t-stop-thinking-about-her stuff? So many things.

“Good, good. I mean, she’s gone on three pretty epically bad setups. But none of them was her fault at all. Those guys were idiots. I mean, where did her parents find these guys? I know they mean well, and I suppose they look good on paper, but they were not good enough for her. She needs someone who will adore her. Respect what a badass she is. Really see her, ya know?” He stopped himself. Why was it so quiet? Why wasn’t anyone agreeing with him, chiming in, bashing these guys and taking the heat off Julia? He looked up at two faces stretched to their limits with goofy smiles.

“I’ll never doubt you again, honey. Add the twenty bucks to my you’re always right tab. He’s whooped,” James said.

“It’s not just him. She’s whooped, too. The way she was defending his honor as a dating coach and almost taking offense at how bad her dates were, not because she had to go through them but because it might reflect poorly on Tae? And then there was the competency porn. Oh my God, I could barely hold in my squeals. Rachel had to kick me under the table.”

“How’s the bruise on your shin, by the way? Does it hurt any less?” James asked.

Tae waved his hands in James and Sonia’s direction. “Excuse me. Hello? Over here? I’m sitting right here. What are you talking about? Julia defended me? And, um, what’s this, uh, competency porn?” His voice had gone up an octave. Cool, Tae. Real cool.

Sonia flicked her hand in the air as if waving away the silly questions. “Girl talk. The good stuff.”

Tae nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed at what this girl talk might entail and how much of it entailed him. He reached for the architecture photography book on their coffee table to distract himself.

Sonia gasped.

Tae looked up.

Sonia stared.

“Does Julia know about—” she gulped “—those?” She lifted her chin in the direction of his arm.

Tae wasn’t sure he was following. He looked down at the arm holding the book. His arms weren’t particularly hairy. His nails didn’t have dirt under them.

“What?” he asked.

“Has Julia seen your . . . arm veins?” Sonia whispered in awe.

Tae looked again. His veins were prominent, but he’d never noticed before. Was Julia disgusted by this? Should he be wearing long sleeves even in these warm Southern California climates?

“Tae, you’ll have to excuse my wife and her complete objectification of you. She has a thing for veins,” James explained.

“All women. All women have a thing for veins,” Sonia explained.

“Like vampires?” Tae didn’t know why he asked that. But it just seemed so odd.

Sonia snapped her head up, eyes wild with excitement. “Exactly. Like vampires,” she yelled.

Tae leaned back, trying to make some space between himself and the, um, vampire. She was starting to scare him.

“Don’t worry, Tae. She’s mine. I’m taking one for the team and protecting you all from her,” James teased.

Sonia hit him playfully in the arm.

This. This was what Tae wanted. This was what it was like spending time with Julia. Could he possibly get more of this, now that the dates were over? Would Julia want more of this too? Tae thought back to his conversation with Kari. He’d told her he didn’t have anything to give to anyone. And he believed it. He believed that it wasn’t fair for him to be in a relationship right now when he didn’t have anything to give back.

But Julia had never really asked Tae for anything other than, well, himself. She always just seemed okay with Tae for who he was. She didn’t seem to mind that he was a college dropout and a failed salaryman living with his parents. She never looked at him with judgment or treated him as less-than. And she, successful and powerful, of all people, totally could.

It hit Tae like a ton of bricks.

Julia was everything he wanted.

And, if he was reading her right, beyond all reason, he might be exactly what she wanted too.

“Listen, Tae. I just gotta ask it. When are you gonna make your move? Are you gonna tell her how you feel? Maybe ask her out on a real date?” James asked.

Sonia clasped her hands in front of her, shoulders to her ears, barely contained in her seat.

Tae was here to renovate their house. Not have them renovate his love life.

He lowered his head and rubbed the back of his neck. He tried to laugh away his discomfort, but it came out as a way-too-hearty-for-the-situation chuckle.

Sonia reached over and patted his knee. “There, there, Tae. We didn’t mean to put you on the spot. Look, if you’re not interested in Julia, no worries. I can let her know that she should just go ahead and date—”

“Sonia, you’re not trying, by any chance, to reverse-psychology me into making some grand gesture to Julia, are you?” Tae asked.

The innocent expression on her face exposed exactly what she was trying to do.

“Tae, I was in a similar situation. Sonia was out there dating all these men, and I hadn’t taken my shot. But I knew that if I waited much longer, someone else with bigger balls than me was going to snatch her up. And no one has bigger balls than me.”

“Honey, that didn’t come across quite the way I think you meant it to. What James is trying to say is—”

“I gotta get off my ass and make a move before someone else does and steals the best thing that’s ever happened to me?” Tae interjected.

Sonia gasped. “Exactly,” she whispered.

“It’s just . . . I’m not sure I’m in a place right now in my life that I can date anyone. I just got out of a relationship. And family . . .” He had his go-to words all ready. About family being a priority, not having the time or emotional capacity to think about anything else. But his family was actually doing okay now, finally. Maybe trying to do something for himself at this point could work. Was he ready? “Well, family’s taken up a lot of my energy lately.”

“Good thing Julia isn’t someone who is always asking for more,” Sonia said. “And if anyone understands putting family first, it’s Julia.”

Sonia was right. So was James. But Tae was right too. He had to be completely sure that he was ready and that he’d be good to and for Julia before ever considering making a move to pursue something with her. She deserved the best, not just whatever best Tae could muster.

“You’re a good guy, Tae. Everyone who knows and loves Julia thinks so,” Sonia said.

Tae let out an embarrassed breath. “Thanks, Sonia. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that. I think maybe I’ve been a little hard on myself. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time I let myself off the hook and give myself a break.” He raised his eyes to meet two sets looking back at him and smiling.

“Okay, so no pressure at all, Tae. None, nope, nuh-uh. But, when you’re ready—like later tonight or tomorrow, you should totally have The Talk with Julia,” Sonia said excitedly.

Tae laughed. Julia was a nut who surrounded herself with other nuts. And it was hilarious.

“I should get going. But thanks for the project. I’ll email you guys with some details and plans soon. And thanks for the advice. I’m sure if anything does happen, you’ll hear it from Julia first. But I’ll make sure to give you both all the credit.”

“Oh yes, please do. Rachel will hate it that I was the one to convince you to finally take the leap. She was sure it was going to be her,” Sonia gloated.

Tae said his goodbyes and left.

As he sat in his car, he pulled out his phone and opened a text to reply.

Thanks for reaching out again and for the encouraging words about my work. I’m definitely interested in speaking to you about the floor plans and storefronts. Let me know what your schedule looks like.

It was time for him to make some choices about the future. He’d been mulling over whether to reply to Jess Kim and do this work for Starlight. He wasn’t sure it was right for him at the moment. But why not? The pay would definitely come in handy. He should at least take the meeting, check it out and see.

And if he was going to try some new stuff in his professional life, maybe doing it in his personal life could be a good idea too.

Julia was worth taking the leap.

So maybe it was time to jump.

22
Tae All Along

Julia

Julia rang the doorbell and waited. It was a Friday night, and she knew Tae’s parents were at church as hers were. When Tae said he wanted to talk, she didn’t feel right asking him to come all the way back up to LA again. So she offered to meet him here at his house.

But she wasn’t sure what this talk was going to be about. And thus wasn’t sure just how to dress for the occasion. Better safe than sorry, she decided. She dressed up rather than down. And now she was standing outside freezing.

She rang the doorbell again. She knocked a few times for good measure. Tae’s car was in the driveway. She knew he was home. It was cold. She was getting grouchy. She turned to go down the porch steps and try the side door by the garage when the front door opened.

“Tae Kim, what took you so long—” She stopped with her mouth wide open, nostrils midflare.

Tae stood in his front doorway in sweatpants and an old T-shirt, one that looked so worn and washed and soft she wanted to put her face up against it and rub, maybe even purr. His hair was ruffled and his expression so unguarded Julia had to clench her jaw together to keep her teeth from chattering.

“Hey,” he said lazily.

Hey. Jesus Christ, she was going to pass out.

Nothing came out. “H-h . . .” she tried again. What was wrong with her? She cleared her throat. “Hi,” she managed to croak finally.

He smiled, his eyes scanning Julia from head to toe. She felt it, his assessment, his stare, on every inch of her body. She looked up at him with his tousled hair and wanted to tell him right there everything she thought she might be feeling in her heart but had been too afraid, and too damn polite, to say. The one time Julia couldn’t say anything and everything on her mind.

Julia shivered. She was standing there in the black sleeveless sheath she wore to work, the matching jacket left in the car. She was either freezing or the downer from her frustration-induced adrenaline rush was taking over.

“Julia, you’re shaking.” He stepped out and wrapped an arm around her, and she immediately sank into the embrace. “Come inside, you bozo.”

Romantic.

Julia followed Tae into his house and bent down to take her too-high, too-tight, too-uncomfortable heels off. “Oh thank God,” she moaned.

Tae’s eyes widened for a brief moment. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. But then he just shook his head and took hold of her hand. “C’mon, let’s get you something warm to wear.”

They went down the hall into his old childhood bedroom. In all the years that Julia had known the Kim family, and the hundreds of times she’d been over at their house, she had never been in this room. They’d spent most of their time hanging out downstairs or in the backyard.

“More likely to find something in here that will fit you,” Tae said as he went to the closet.

Julia looked around in fascination. A window into a younger Tae that she knew in memories but couldn’t quite figure out. Baseball posters and tae kwon do awards. A small desk in the corner. And along the far wall . . .

“A race car bed?” Julia asked. The twin bed was tiny: she couldn’t imagine Tae fitting in the bed past the age of ten. It was shaped like a red racing car with a comforter and pillow covered in matching NASCAR bedding.

Tae laughed. “Yeah, my parents never changed out this room. It’s been this way since I was a kid. I begged for new furniture when I hit middle school. But we just never had the money. So I crashed downstairs starting in eighth grade.”

Julia suddenly wondered if he’d ever had a girl in that bed. The thought sent a jealous zinger up her spine, and she was ready to hurt someone, whoever she was.

“Arms up,” Tae said, holding a gray hoodie in his hand with their high-school mascot on it. She raised her arms as instructed, and he pulled the sweatshirt down over her head.

“This is from high school when I was a little stick, and it’s still way too big on you,” he said and laughed. He pulled the hood down off her head and bopped her on the nose. “Warm?”

Julia nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Tae?” Julia had to get the question that had been sitting in her head for days out there.

“Yeah, Jules?”

“I didn’t get to ask you earlier, but how’d things go with Kari? Did she get what she needed by flying out here unannounced?” Julia’s intention was to be very mature about this line of conversation, but the bite in her words pretty much squashed that.

“Depends on who you ask,” he said. “What I hope she got was some closure so she can move on.”

Julia let out a sigh of relief.

Tae reached out and held her hand in his. “I’m sorry if you were worried or uncertain. I wanted to apologize for her showing up like that. I wanted to talk to you about what was happening between us before she interrupted. I wanted to tell you a lot of things . . .” He looked down at their hands connected, mesmerized, almost as if in awe of what he saw. “But I didn’t get to earlier, not with the date and everything.”

A fire of rage brewed in Julia as she thought about Dr. Park. How dare he? How could he try and embarrass Tae and just . . .

Tae gave Julia’s hand a squeeze to bring her back. She hadn’t realized she’d balled her other one into a fist. She looked up at him, into his warm, expressive eyes. “It’s okay, Tiger. Really, I’m okay.” He wrapped an arm around her and placed a small kiss on top of her head before letting her go.

She released a long breath and nodded. She was glad. Tae was always okay. But in the back of her mind, Julia wondered if that was really the case.

“Wanna hear something hilarious? I feel like maybe only you will get how cringe this was,” Tae offered.

“Uh, absolutely I wanna hear it,” Julia said.

“Well, Kari told my mom she couldn’t eat her cooking.”

Julia’s jaw dropped. “Oh God. What, allergies?”

“Keto,” Tae answered.

“You brought a keto Korean to your mom’s dinner table? Tae Kim, you know better.”

He laughed. “Maybe we should introduce her to Michael Lee and his brown rice.”

Julia’s eyes danced as she shook her head and laughed.

Tae held her gaze, matching smiles on their faces.

Julia dipped her head, breaking their eye contact. Her hands itched to touch him, to explore all the parts of him she’d never known. Instead, she tried to distract herself walking up to the old dresser lined with framed pictures across the top. Family photos from years of love. She traced her fingers along the frames as she took in the Kims at various stages of their lives.

A photo of four caught her eye. It was Tae, Min, Jisoo, and Julia. She recognized it immediately: the last day of Zion Youth Group summer camp, the one final summer all four of them had returned to be counselors. It was the summer after she’d graduated business school, right before Starlight became an idea in her head. When she still had a life outside of work.

Julia smiled and shook her head. She lifted the picture up to Tae. “Our last church camp together, remember?”

He looked at Julia and then at the photo in her hand and smiled. He walked over and stood next to her. Close. So close she thought she could hear his heartbeat. Was it beating as fast as hers? She leaned in, trying not to be obvious, but if she could just get some contact with Tae’s body . . . just to check . . .

“That was the night you felt me up,” he said.

Julia jumped back as far away from him as she possibly could.

“Excuse me, what did you just accuse me of?”

“You couldn’t keep your hands off of me,” he said with a wicked smile.

“What are you talking about? You’ve got me confused with someone else.” The only other girl there that night was Jisoo, and Julia did not want to think about Jisoo anywhere near Tae.

“Julia, please. You took one look at my abs and you couldn’t control yourself.”

Julia mouth opened in shock. “Oh my God, that was so innocent. I mean that T-shirt was too small for you, and every time you moved your arms, you flashed us your abs. You kept bragging that you had an eight-pack. I needed to verify that that was even possible.”

“Uh-huh.” Tae couldn’t control his laugh.

Julia grabbed the picture from Tae’s hand. “Look, that shirt is tiny on you. And honestly, your abs weren’t that great. Sheesh.” Julia rolled her eyes. In fact, in her memories, his abs were incredible. No skinny nineteen-year-old had any business having abs that ripped.

“Not that great? What? You’re offending me, Julia. I have spectacular abs.”

“Well, you do now.” Julia slapped her hand over her mouth. She had not been sneaking peeks at Tae’s body whatever chance she got. Nope, she wasn’t.

“Oh, do I? And what do you know about my abs?” he teased. He reached his hand down to grab the bottom of his T-shirt. Slowly, he began to lift it, centimeter by whatever-is-smaller-than-a-centimeter.

Julia’s eyes were fixed on the small slip of skin that showed. Too slow. Too slow.

Tae dropped his T-shirt and shook his head. “Older women,” he said and tsked.

“What? Older women? I’m not sixty, Tae. I’m only five years older than you. How dare?”

Tae stepped right up to Julia, so close she had to pull her head back to look into his face. He grabbed her hands and wrapped them around his waist. He placed one hand behind her head, cradling it while the other raked through her hair. Tae leaned in, looking down at her, eyes on fire.

“Exactly, Julia,” he whispered. “You’re only a few years older than me.” He drew himself closer, so close she could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips. “So stop using that as an excuse.”

She knew what he was saying. All the reasons she tried to keep him at bay were lame excuses. He’d long outgrown feeling like a little brother. And he had proven he was fully capable of handling all the things life threw his way, including all the baggage that came with Julia and her family. This amazing man, successful at life, passionately living to help others, so much taller than she remembered. He checked all the silly boxes. But Tae was also the one that made Julia laugh and still let her cry. He was the one who didn’t see her as too much but actually wanted more of her, never asking her to be less in order to feel better about himself. He was who she had fun with and wanted to be with all the time.

She’d wasted all this time dating these other guys when it had been Tae all along.

Julia leaned in, closing the distance between them, and Tae met her there. The softest of connections, the warmest breath, the gentlest of touches. Her eyes closed slowly as she let herself lean in. When the rest of their bodies met, a spark ignited. Julia lifted her arms and wrapped them around Tae’s neck. He pulled her closer, and the energy between them became a sudden, desperate flame. Tae parted his lips, and Julia’s tongue found its way in, Tae’s meeting hers.

She let out a small moan. The vibration of Tae’s deeper growl made her hungry for more.

If she held him close enough, if she could let her desire speak the words she hadn’t allowed herself to explore, the two of them could be safe right here. They could make sense together, here in this bubble.

“God, Julia,” Tae said, pulling back a fraction to take a breath, resting his forehead on hers.

“Tae,” Julia whispered, “I want you.”

“You’ve got me, Jules. You always have,” he said.

She lifted herself on her toes and met his mouth again. She sighed into the kiss and let herself get swept up into it all.

Because this was Tae. And Tae felt like coming home.

Tae took hold of Julia’s hand and pulled it to rest on his stomach. He breathed in and out, and Julia’s hand moved along with his skin and muscles. She dragged her finger along one of the ridges, and they both heard and felt Tae’s sudden intake of breath.

Julia slowly raised her eyes to Tae’s. She held his gaze and his impossibly dark eyes, always so tender and kind, didn’t look away. She wanted this, wanted Tae.

Julia placed both hands on his hips and lowered to her knees, eyes still locked. She laid a kiss on his stomach and then another. She tucked her fingers into the waistband of Tae’s sweats and slowly lowered them to his knees.

He had nothing on underneath, and the sight of Tae in front of her, hard, heated, made her sway on her knees. Wetness flooded between her legs.

One hand came to her shoulder as Tae moved the other one behind Julia’s head. She didn’t need the encouragement. She just needed him to say yes. She looked back up till her eyes once again met his.

He moved his head in an almost imperceptible nod and with the slightest bit of pressure from the hand at her head, she leaned forward, wrapping her lips around the tip and her hand around the rest of his length. Julia loved this. She wasn’t a pro by any means, but here, with Tae, she felt like she was born for it.

She pressed her lips down and took more of him into her mouth. His hand tightened its grip of her hair, and knowing that, for once, he was holding on to her made her feel so powerful. In this moment, all she wanted was to give him this pleasure.

“Fuck, Julia.”

She pulled him back out, applying pressure with her lips along his entire length. She saw the vein on the underside of his dick throb. Fucking veins, her weakness. She dragged her tongue along the vein and then licked the tip before taking him all the way back in, opening up her throat for more. She brought her hands around to his back and slid them down to his ass. This man could not be real. How could his body be this perfect?

Julia was soaking between her legs, and she pulsated with need even as she pumped Tae’s cock faster and harder in her mouth.

“Oh God, Julia, wait . . . wait . . .”

Julia was suddenly on her feet, pulled up by Tae’s hands. His mouth crashed into hers, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on as his tongue pushed in, teeth clashing, the need to get closer inside each other taking over.

Tae wrapped an arm around Julia’s waist and turned their bodies, pushing her back until her legs hit the fender of the race car bed. He pulled the hoodie over her head and growled in frustration as he found the dress still on underneath. Julia tucked her lips under, trying to hold back her laugh, but kept her hands raised while Tae pulled her dress up and off.

“Jesus,” he whispered as he took a look at Julia in just her black lace lingerie.

He leaned in to kiss her again. But just as she puckered to meet his lips, he pulled back teasingly. The corner of his mouth lifted in a wicked smile, and arousal caused another rush between her legs. Tae reached his hand around her back and expertly unclasped her bra.

“I won’t ask how you got so good at that,” she said.

“YouTube,” he said back.

Julia threw her head back and laughed. She felt Tae’s body moving against hers as he laughed with her.

He pulled down the straps of her bra, and she reached for the bottom of his shirt to pull it up over his head. In a brief moment of clumsiness, Tae got caught trying to kick off his sweatpants that had pooled at his ankles. Losing his balance, the two of them came crashing down onto the race car, Tae on top of Julia. “Is this gonna become a habit?” Julia asked, remembering their practice-date dancing in his backyard.

“All of it. Me, you, this. Get used to it,” he said.

“The race car too?” Julia asked, trying to hold back her smile.

“If that’s what you’re into . . .”

Tae’s hands brushed down her body, fingers stopping at her nipple. He pressed and twisted, and Julia wrenched her body with the contact. No matter where he touched her, she could feel it between her legs . . . like shocks of electricity begging for more power.

Tae tucked his fingers into the sides of her underwear, and Julia lifted her hips to help him pull them off. “Good girl,” he said, pressing himself down on her, the contact with his hardness causing her to push up for more. Good girl. Had two words ever turned her on more? Apparently she had a praise kink.

She needed more closeness. She needed more friction. She needed Tae inside of her, to fill her. To move.

Tae lifted his head suddenly and looked around the room.

“What is it?”

“Fuck, I don’t have condoms up here.”

Julia knew one thing at this very moment: she had to have Tae, and she would trust whatever answer he gave her.

“I’m on the pill. And I’m clean. I haven’t had sex—” She stopped herself. Did she need him to know how long it had been for her? And did she want him to answer in return?

“I’m clean too, Julia. And I haven’t in a while either. But I can’t ask you to just trust me on this.”

But before she could tell him that she did trust him, he got up. He pointed a finger at her before running through the door stark naked. “Do. Not. Move,” he commanded, as she heard his feet running down the stairs.

“Fuck!” she heard him scream. “Where the fuck—yes! Here it is.” The sound of relief and triumph held in the air along with his footsteps running back up the stairs.

He stopped in the doorway, breathing heavily, one single condom held up between his fingers. “I only have one, so let’s make it count.”

She couldn’t help but giggle. He had run through the house naked with his erect penis leading the way. Could she ever visit this home and see it the same way again?

“What so funny?” he asked.

She shook her head and reached for him as his hands were already busy tearing open the package and sliding the condom on. She covered his hand with hers as they pulled it down, sheathing him. “Oh fuck,” he breathed out.

Her opening pulsated, longing for him.

“Tae,” she breathed, almost begging.

He lowered his body. First his lips met hers. Julia moaned into his mouth, and it must have triggered something in him, because Tae’s kisses came harder and faster, hungry, rolling one into the other, unending.

Then his chest met her breasts, as if their heartbeats had connected like their bodies.

Julia raked her fingers down Tae’s back, memorizing the movement of his muscles. She arched her back, trying to get more contact with him, trying to tell Tae what she needed.

But Tae pulled himself a little farther away. Julia growled in frustration.

Tae pulled his face back, eyes dancing, smile spread across his face. “Use your words, Julia,” he teased.

Julia had never been a talker when it came to sex. In fact, it always felt like she was reenacting a bad porn scene rather than anything that came natural to her.

“Please,” she said, pained.

“Please, what?”

Julia’s frustration reached a new height, and she was about to scream if he didn’t give her what she wanted.

“Please, um, do it,” she struggled to get out.

“Do what?”

“Oh for God’s sake, Tae. Fuck me already! Stick your big dick in me and slam me hard,” she screamed, squeezing her eyes shut in frustration.

It was silent. Julia’s cheeks heated, and her neck was surely splotchy and red. She was too afraid to look.

Tae’s body, lying on top of her, began to shake.

He was laughing.

Julia opened her eyes as Tae hid his face on her shoulder. “Are you laughing at me? In this very moment?”

He raised his head and looked down at hers, shoulders still bouncing in silent hilarity.

She tried to push him off her, but he wouldn’t budge.

“Get off me,” she said, pushing him again.

Tae’s thumb rubbed her cheek tenderly.

“Julia, God, you are the most adorable, sexy, hilarious, beautiful woman I have ever met.”

She pouted, but she stopped trying to get away.

“I don’t do dirty talk that well,” she admitted. She lifted her hand to tuck her hair behind her ears. But Tae grabbed it in the hair and held it down over her head. She was completely laid open, exposed.

“Are you sure about that? Because you just told me exactly what you wanted.” He leaned in, kissing her gently on her ear. “And I’m going to give it to you,” he whispered.

Tae brought her hand down and guided her to his dick. Their two hands connected, wrapped around his cock and lined up the tip. Their hands led the way, rubbing his hardness up and down the wetness of her folds. When he touched her clit, it was so sensitive with need Julia thought she was going to come right then and there.

“Look at me, Julia,” Tae said. She hadn’t realized she had closed her eyes. She opened them to look up into his, an intensity taking over the laughter from just moments ago.

Julia felt the pressure of Tae’s cock at her opening, and she lifted her hips as he began to press down, slow, too slow. He was big, and she wasn’t lying that it had been a while. Tae moaned. “Oh fuck.” He pulled out a little and then pushed slowly back in a little farther.

He stretched Julia, and she wrapped her entire self around him, arms, legs, everything. She needed to be as close to him as possible, in contact with him everywhere she could.

Finally, Tae pushed himself all the way in until the root of his dick was at her pussy. She squeezed around his entire length, and he groaned.

“Julia.” A promise. A prayer.

And then he began to move.

Julia threw her head back and lifted her hips, meeting him with each thrust.

“So hot, so fucking wet.”

“Tae, oh God,” she moaned.

Julia tightened her legs around Tae’s waist, and he held her there, shifting his hips slightly to find a new angle. The perfect angle.

He thrust faster and harder before Julia could even beg him to. He knew what she needed before she had to ask.

They found a rhythm. Julia had never been in tune with her previous lovers like this. She let her legs down and dug her heels into the bed, lifting herself as Tae pulled back and pushed in. Over and over.

The pulse between her legs intensified as Julia arched her back.

“Look at me, Julia,” Tae said.

Julia opened her eyes again and looked up into his. So fucking beautiful, she thought to herself as Tae slammed once, twice more before she started to come. “Tae,” she called out, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, holding on, pulsing over and over again.

Tae grunted as he pumped a few more times. He pulled his head back, his entire body shuddering as he came. “Fuck, Julia. Yes. So fucking good . . .”

His entire body, once tense, now jelly, fell on top of hers. Julia waited for the pulses between her legs to slow down. Her orgasm seemed unwilling to stop while Tae was still inside her. She raked her fingers through his hair, listening as his breath slowed down back to normal.

Tae finally pulled back a bit and looked down at her, his face soft, lovely. His eyes searched hers.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she said back with a smile. “So I think this might be a good time to confess that this was my first time—”

Tae’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “What?”

“Having sex in a car,” she said.

He dropped his forehead to hers and shook his head back and forth. “Julia,” he said in a whisper.

“I know, I’m a nut. You don’t have to say it.”

“I was going to say, if you want to have sex in a real car, I can make that happen for you too.”

Julia clenched. Everywhere.

Tae hissed before pulling himself out slowly. He discarded the condom in the trash can next to the nightstand. “Don’t let me forget to get rid of that before my parents get home,” he said.

She giggled again and then snuggled her face into Tae’s neck and sighed.

Julia pushed back the small, nagging fear that all of this was too good to be true—that somehow, someway, she’d end up ruining this.

For now, she held on a little tighter to stay as close as she could get to Tae.

For now, she wasn’t letting go.

23
First Date

Tae

All Tae wanted was to do something easy.

After three failed setups, Julia deserved easy. And frankly, so did Tae.

And after a night of incredible sex together, Tae ached to just be alone with Julia. He wanted to hold her, touch her, talk to her, laugh with her, be inside her again. He did not want to share her with anyone. So he suggested they have their first real date. Just the two of them, alone.

“I’d really, really like that,” she said to him, releasing a breath, sounding so relieved. That was exactly what Tae felt too. He was going to reward her for that extra really too.

So yeah, easy sounded great right about now. Something totally opposite to the kind of pressure-clad date that required practice dates and check-ins from best friends and report-backs to family members. A date that didn’t leave Julia feeling discouraged and blaming herself for its predestined failure. And something that didn’t leave Tae feeling like an underachieving loser.

A date that Julia didn’t try to sabotage, and Tae didn’t try to overcompensate.

But he was beginning to feel like this wasn’t going to be easy at all.

So you two are finally doing this.

The text he’d gotten from Rachel was not unexpected. He figured Julia would tell her two best friends everything and get them caught up. He wondered how much everything entailed. Did she tell them about the race car bed?

He held the phone between his ear and shoulder, waiting for Rachel to pick up as he pushed Mr. Choi’s washing machine back into its spot.

“I pushed the pipe in a little farther, so it shouldn’t make that noise anymore,” he said loudly to the hard-of-hearing Mr. Choi.

“Is that what you said to Julia the other night?” Rachel said, answering his call.

Tae’s coughing fit was a combination of mortification and trying not to laugh at the timing. So that answered that.

“Thank you, Tae. I’ll pay you next week after my social security check comes in.”

“No worries, Mr. Choi. Whenever works for you,” he said. He bowed his goodbye and stepped outside. “Sorry about that, Rachel.”

“Honestly, Tae. Julia says it all the time, but you really are the goddamn salt of the earth.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. So you wanted to grill me about Julia, clearly. Okay, have at it.”

“Well, I hear there’s now a postcoital date on the books. So what are you thinking of doing?” Rachel asked. Jesus, she didn’t mince words. But with Julia came an overbearing family and even more overbearing friends. Tae was actually charmed by it. He came with stuff too.

“Something simple. Maybe dinner?” he said.

“Dinner like with a lawyer from Fullerton or with Dr. Joshua Park?”

Just the name alone sent a spike of rage through Tae’s spine. If Tae ever met the good doctor face-to-face again, he’d make sure the guy would need a plastic surgeon shortly after.

“Not like those dates because I’m not an asshole.”

“Touché.”

“I wanted to cook for her. But I’m not sure it’s the most romantic thing to have her come back over to my parents’ house.”

“Why don’t you cook for her at her place?”

So that’s how he found himself here, knee-deep in an elaborate scheme to surprise Julia with a simple homemade meal in her condo. Getting past security without being on an approved guest list was the challenge for Sonia. Getting Tae the code to Julia’s door was the challenge for Rachel. Getting Julia to leave the office by six was the challenge for Annette. Making sure Julia didn’t freak out about it all when she came home was, he guessed, the challenge for Tae.

This easy date was turning into something very not easy.

Julia’s condo was immaculate. He could have guessed she was a neat freak, what with her mentioning she had a home organization coach on payroll. But really, there was not a single thing out of place.

Tae put the groceries down on her huge marble waterfall kitchen island and walked over to the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the ocean. Julia had done this. She had made something on her own into a huge success, and this was hers. Tae couldn’t help but smile. He was so fucking proud of her.

Neither of them came from money, but of all the people in their community she’d made herself the biggest success. It was damn impressive . . . and sexy as hell.

She was on top of the world.

And he was in a basement.

That didn’t seem to bother Julia, he reminded himself. She seemed more than happy to spend time with him, and, well, if last Friday was any indicator, she was very satisfied. But he wanted to give her more than just stolen moments in his childhood race car bed.

Tae’s phone vibrated in his pocket.

“Hello?”

“May I speak to Tae Kim, please? This is Maggie Newsome from the Sharp Hospital billing department returning your call.”

“Oh yes, hello. Thanks for getting back to me.”

“Mr. Kim, unfortunately I don’t have good news. You asked me to look into any additional coverage I could find for your father to help pay for medical bills. But he’s already maxed on the Medicare claim. And he isn’t technically your dependent, so you wouldn’t be able to bring him under your coverage from your job.”

So that was that. The only reason Tae had been so hesitant about quitting outright was for the insurance. If it wasn’t going to cover his dad, what good was it? And how was he going to come up with the rest of the money for the bills?

No job, no pay. Dr. Joshua Park had probably never begged for a handout in his life.

“Understood. Thanks for looking into it for me, Ms. Newsome. Before you go, would you mind telling me what the current balance owed is?”

“With your last payment, it brings it down to forty-one thousand nine hundred dollars. Since the bill has been past due now for thirty days, you’ll likely incur a late fee soon. If you’re able to pay it off within seven days, I’ll make sure they don’t penalize you.”

If Tae was able to pay it off, it wouldn’t be past due.

“Thank you. Appreciate the call.”

Tae dropped down on to the couch and raked his fingers through his hair. This was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about tonight. Here, surrounded by all the signs of Julia’s success.

It wasn’t a competition. But wasn’t success the arbitrary goal line that all Koreans held themselves and others up to? Why didn’t they ever talk about happiness? Did that not matter?

Maybe Tae was wrong thinking he’d figure it all out as long as he was happy. Because scraping by was not making Tae any happier than before. In fact, it made those days he didn’t even have the energy or desire to get up out of bed, those times where he felt consumed by darkness and despair, more frequent.

He let out a deep sigh. He wasn’t going to solve any of this here, tonight. But what he could do was make a nice, simple meal for Julia and try to have a good time.

With a prewarning text from Annette, which included heart, fire, peach, and eggplant emojis, telling Tae Julia was on her way, Tae leaned against the kitchen island as Julia beeped her way into her home.

Julia took one look at the kitchen and then one look at Tae. “What the fuck is going on here?” She immediately slapped her hand to her mouth.

Not quite the reaction Tae had hoped for.

“Sorry, shit, I get sailor-mouthy when I’m surprised.”

“I’m into it,” he teased.

Julia’s neck flushed.

“I personally find sailor-mouthy Julia pretty sexy.” He walked up to her and bent to give her a soft kiss on the lips. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she said back. He stared into her eyes for a moment longer. If he didn’t look away, all his hard work prepping dinner would be swept to the floor as he ate Julia on this kitchen island instead.

Something told him she wouldn’t appreciate the mess.

“What is all this?” she asked.

“I thought we’d make gimbap,” he answered.

“I love gimbap.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“But I’m a really bad cook.”

“Yeah, I know.” He smiled. “Isn’t that why you have a cooking coach? But luckily, all the prep work is done, and all we have to do is put it together and roll it up to eat.”

She nodded but looked skeptical.

Tae grabbed her bag and coat and placed them on the sofa. Julia stared at them. Tae went back and picked up her bag and coat from the sofa. “Um, where should I put these?”

“Oh, the coat closet would be an okay place to put the coat,” she said.

He smirked. “Smart-ass.” He walked past her and gave her a peck on the cheek as he headed to the coat closet.

Then the two of them washed their hands and got to work.

Tae showed Julia how to lay down the sheet of seaweed, spread the rice, and layer the vegetables for the inside.

“Okay, so tuck the end in and use the bamboo mat to roll.”

Julia struggled to get the roll to sit tight enough, and everything unraveled, falling apart.

“I suck at this,” she whined.

Tae came up behind her, wrapping his arms around hers. He lowered his face into the crook of her neck and breathed in. Julia leaned her head to the side, giving him easier access. His lips found her pulse point. Kiss. And then her ear. Kiss. Her shoulder blade. Kiss.

“Tae,” she whispered.

He’d never, ever in his entire life get over hearing her say his name like that.

He was already half-hard, and they’d barely had any contact.

“Julia,” he whispered back. He pressed his front closer to her back so she could feel how turned on she made him.

Julia groaned, and Tae continued to make work of her neck, kissing her wherever his lips could reach.

“This feels amazing,” she said. “But I’m so hungry.”

He dropped his chin to her shoulder and laughed. “Right, I promised to feed you.”

She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled. “It’s early. We have all night for the fun stuff.”

He nodded and looked down at the mess she was making.

“My roll keeps coming undone. I can’t get it tight enough.”

Tae placed his hands over Julia’s and helped her tuck her fingers to tighten the hold as she rolled the mat.

“Thanks,” she said softly. She reached for a kitchen towel and wiped Tae’s hands for him and then her own. How did Julia do this to him? Making the most efficient of touches feel erotic.

She turned in his arms to face him, and he wrapped his around her waist, drawing her in.

She lifted herself on her toes and kissed him.

He leaned his head to the side and deepened the kiss, his thumb finding its way under the waistband of her slacks, touching her soft, warm skin. He couldn’t get enough contact with her. He was addicted to the feeling of her in his arms.

She pulled back and looked up at him under her lashes. “You eat the ones I made, and I’ll eat the ones you made,” she said, batting her lashes at him.

“You distracted me so you can get the better gimbap.”

She nodded, turned out of his arms, grabbed the plate of rolls he had made, and went to sit at the table, a wicked smile on her face.

Tae smiled as he watched her walk away.

He was so getting her back for that, and he couldn’t fucking wait.

24
Say the Words

Tae

“Can I ask you something?” Julia and Tae sat across from each other at her dining table, a piece of furniture way too fancy to be eating the simple meal at.

“Sure, of course.”

She looked down at her hands, struggling to get the words out.

“Jules, it’s okay. Ask me anything.”

“Are you sure? This is usually the part of a first date where I say something that hurts a man’s feelings,” she said. She raised her eyes to meet his. “I just don’t want to ruin this date by talking about things you’re not comfortable with.”

“I’ll tell you if something makes me uncomfortable, Julia. I promise,” Tae said. “And trust me, you cannot and will not ruin this. It’s technically our fourth date, anyways. I’ve decided to count our practice dates for other guys as real ones for us.”

His own admission caused him pause. If he counted their first meetups as real, he would not have been a dating coach but, rather, a man on a date with a woman . . . just like Grandma Song had wanted to pay him to do. This had been top of mind for him lately, because though he’d never accepted her job offer, she’d never accepted his refusal. And Tae had enough experience to know how misunderstandings could blow up.

Julia took a second to examine him, and Tae braced himself for what might come next. “Well, okay then, considering this is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, it’s probably a good time for me to say this.”

“Say what?” he asked.

“Absolutely no one looks good in a puffer jacket. And choosing to live in climates that force one to wear what amounts to basically a sleeping bag with pockets around to survive the cold has never made sense to me,” she said.

“Okaaay.” Tae dragged the word out, trying to read between the lines. “Julia, if you’re trying to dump me for my choice in winter apparel, I’ll have you know that I own a wool pea coat, not a puffer.”

Tae caught the look of relief that quickly flashed in Julia’s eyes. He chuckled.

“I think what I’m trying to say is, well, I would be awful at long distance, Tae. And we haven’t really talked about what you’re planning, what’s next for you. I think something good is happening here between us.” A red flush spread over Julia’s neck. “But I need to know if you’re going back to Chicago before I get too deep.”

Tae was an asshole. He’d acted like he was the only one impacted by this decision about his future. But there were so many others, and he’d just been stringing everyone along.

“Truth is, Julia, I’ve been really unhappy in Chicago. I never told anyone this, but I didn’t even want to go in the first place. I was happy here doing what I was doing. But when Min got me the job, my dad sat me down and said he wanted me to go, to give this job and this life on my own a try. He and my mom were worried that maybe I was sacrificing too much of myself in order to help them. All I felt was that maybe they were ashamed of me, that I hadn’t accomplished more with my life, that they were pushing me out. So I went.”

“There’s no way your parents have ever been ashamed of you. I’ve never known anyone more proud of their child than they are of you.” She offered him a small smile. He was grateful. He wanted to believe it.

“It’s like the conversations you and I have been having about the pressures for Starlight and for your dating life. I think I was just feeling that same kind of pressure, to find success by a certain age . . . whatever that meant. And though I was moderately successful on paper, I was miserable. Everything felt very surface-level—my job, my relationship—and under it all was an emptiness. I battled depression at times. I wasn’t in a good place.”

He shrugged and released a deep breath. Tae thought back to days of overdrinking, lack of sleep, angry outbursts, dark days without getting out of bed. He didn’t recognize that person. Truthfully, there were still days when Tae struggled, he wasn’t going to lie about that. But it didn’t all feel as dark and hopeless as it had then.

And he did not want to go back to that place, geographically or metaphorically.

Julia reached over the table and put her hand on Tae’s, squeezing. “Thank you for sharing that. I’m sorry that it was so hard for you in Chicago. How are you feeling now that you’re back? Forget about you and me,” she said, pointing between the two of them. “Is this where you want to be?”

He squeezed her hand back. “I absolutely will not forget about you and me. You’re important to me. Important enough to be a part of the equation. And the answer is yes, I want to be here. I mean, when I first came home to take care of my family, it was a no-brainer. I was just focused on everything that had to be done, all while trying not to freak out about my dad being sick. But as time went on, I felt important and appreciated and satisfied by just that—taking care of what people needed. And I know it doesn’t sound that impressive. But it’s what I want to be doing, and where I want to be doing it.”

Julia’s expression softened and then, within a blink of an eye, heated. She stood up, rounded the table and walked over to Tae, lowering herself in his lap, straddling him. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “You’re the most impressive person I know. You’re a good guy, Tae. So many of these Korean families don’t have anyone else to fill that one void, whether it be translation, or trust to not be swindled, or a person to call to just be there.”

Tae shrugged. “I’m no saint, Julia. In fact, I’m pretty selfish, if I’m being honest. Helping them helped me too. I don’t know that I’d do it if I wasn’t getting satisfaction out of it or if it didn’t take my mind off other stuff. But it feels good, it feels right, to be here. And this, between us . . .” he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer so that she rubbed against his hardness “. . . it feels right too.”

Julia pressed in even closer, a flirtatious smile spread across her face. God, she was beautiful. “Yeah, it does.”

He dipped his face until their lips met. She kissed him hungrily while grinding herself against him.

He quickly undid the button of her slacks and lowered the zipper. Julia’s breath quickened as he pushed his hand inside her pants. Her silk panties were drenched, and it made Tae’s hard-on push painfully against the zipper of his jeans. “Jesus fucking Christ, Julia, you’re soaked.”

“Tae,” she moaned as he pulled the silk fabric aside and ran his finger down her pussy. He repeated the motion, going from bottom to top, finally stopping at her clit. He rubbed his thumb over the tight bud. “Tae,” Julia cried out, more desperate this time.

Tae pulled his hand out and grabbed Julia by the waist, lifting her off his lap to standing between his legs. She pushed her bottom lip out and whined. But Tae had other plans for her that included more than just his hand.

He raised his eyes to meet hers as he slid both her slacks and her underwear around her ass and down her legs. “Step out, baby,” he said. She did exactly as he asked, and he gently pushed her core until she was leaning up against the dining table. “Lie back and open your legs for me, Julia,” he said.

She swallowed and opened her mouth. “Okay, Tae,” she said. She shimmied her ass onto the table, leaning back on her elbows. She hesitated for one second, trying to hide behind her bangs, but slowly opened her legs up for him. Tae took one look at her fully open and exposed, and he almost fell to his knees. Fuck, the power she had over him. His mouth was watering, starving to get a taste of her.

Tae sat at the end of the chair, his hands on Julia’s knees, spreading her completely open for him. He bent forward and gently kissed her clit. Julia gasped and then moaned with pleasure. Tae wrapped his lips around her and sucked a little harder.

“God, yes, Tae.” Julia could barely get the words out.

Tae let his tongue make its way down her folds, licking, pressing, devouring her. He loved the taste of her. If her wetness was the only thing he ate for the rest of his life, he’d be well-fed.

He pushed his tongue inside her, and Julia bucked. Tae pressed a hand to her belly and gently held her down as his tongue continued to lap her, moving his thumb to her clit and rubbing circles.

“Tae, oh God, I’m sorry. I can’t hold it. I’m coming, I’m—” Julia had barely given him any warning before he felt the pulse on his tongue. He kept piercing, licking, and circling her through her orgasm. When she’d hit her limit, Julia gently lolled her head to the side, looking down at him with a fucking gorgeous smile on her face.

Tae got up and stood over her, and Julia’s expression immediately changed. Hungry.

Tae unbuttoned his jeans and pulled out his cock, hard, red, desperate to be inside her.

“Oh,” she said, wonder on her face, awe in her voice. Julia sat up and reached for Tae, pulling him closer. “Whatcha gonna do with that thing, cowboy? Taking me for a ride?”

Tae chuckled. “Getting more confident with that dirty talk, huh?”

“I’m trying,” she said with a shy smile.

“Baby, you are the sexiest thing I have ever seen,” he whispered in reverence. “Lean back just a bit,” he directed her. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a condom.

“Prepared this time, I see,” Julia teased.

“Not wasting any time searching for one of these again,” he answered as he sheathed himself.

He adjusted Julia so she was at just the right angle, lined himself up, and pushed himself all the way in with one thrust, just barely controlling himself enough not to take it too fast. He watched as Julia’s eyes fluttered back into her head as he filled her.

He held himself there for just a second, the two of them connected as closely as they would ever be. He was fully enveloped by her, her warmth and wetness all he could feel.

“So tight,” he grunted.

“I told you the other night, it’s been awhile since I’ve—” Julia started to explain.

“I don’t want to hear about anyone else, Julia. I want you to only think of me when I’m inside you.” Tae didn’t recognize his own voice and the demands it made.

“Tae,” she sighed, “I only think of you, period.”

Fuck.

And then he started to move.

“Baby, I don’t think this is gonna last long,” he grunted as he thrust himself into her. “You feel too good.”

“Is this a challenge to see who comes faster?” Julia giggled and then squeezed her walls around him.

Tae watched Julia’s eyes sparkle with delight. He bent a little closer to her. He pulled her shirt up and moved her bra to the side, revealing her gorgeous breast. Tae wrapped his mouth around her nipple, first circling it with his tongue and then sucking on it, mirroring what he’d done to her clit. “I may be close, but I’m not coming without you,” he said.

She gasped.

He smiled. And moved his hips faster.

“Harder, Tae. Please, harder,” she moaned. She was not playing fair. Listening to her beg him was too much.

Tae pumped harder, deeper. His thighs, his lungs, his cock, everything burned from the exertion. But all that mattered was the gorgeous, incredible woman under him. Making her feel good, confident. Bringing her pleasure.

Julia cried out, arching her back, begging for more.

Tae picked up the pace and knew he was close. He looked down to where the two of them were connected, and the sight was almost too much for him to handle. He fucking loved her so much. And maybe saying those words in the heat of passion was the wrong call. But it was all he could think of as he watched himself slide in and out of her at a brutal pace, her taking every inch, every single thrust.

He was here with Julia, and everything felt like it was going to be okay, that they’d figure the future out together. It was the first time Tae didn’t feel guilty or overwhelmed by choosing something for himself. He swallowed back the overwhelming emotion.

He felt the fire build inside him. The emotions ignited and fanned the flame his body was feeling. He reached his hand down and pressed his thumb on her clit, rubbing once, twice . . .

“Oh my God,” he heard Julia say as she started to come again.

He threw his head back pumping a few more times as he rode his own release, the two of them coming together exactly as it had been written in every fucking erotic fairy tale between two people meant to be together forever.

Tae was exhausted. They’d had sex one more time in the shower while they were supposed to be cleaning themselves up. But Julia’s ass proved too tempting, and Tae had to watch it, hold it, as he bent her over and took from her and gave himself to her again. After, Tae and Julia collapsed into her bed, naked, where they now were, her arm and leg draped over him.

The great Julia Song was a cuddler. Excellent.

Tae rubbed circles on her back, chanting to himself I love you, Julia as he made the motions. But he wasn’t ready to say it aloud. He didn’t have all the answers yet. And he needed them before he could confess his feelings to Julia.

“Tae, have you thought of what’s next for you, now that you’re committed to staying?” And of course, leave it to Jules to not let the million-dollar question go unasked. His hand stopped moving, and his body tensed.

Julia raised her head to look at him, sensing the change in his disposition immediately.

Tae swallowed back the sense of dread creeping up his throat over this topic.

“Now that my dad’s okay, I’m not really sure what’s next. What kind of asshole am I that I’m worried about what my dad’s clean bill of health means for me?” Tae shook his head. He was afraid to meet Julia’s gaze and see whatever expression was waiting for him in response. “I guess I gotta figure it out, though. Because the medical bills are not going away, and, well, there’s my future too. I guess I gotta think about that.”

Julia lowered her head back onto his shoulder and didn’t respond. Great, surefire way to turn a successful woman off was confessing what a loser you were. Julia had never made Tae feel less-than, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t fighting the thoughts himself.

And there was still that one thing he wanted to come clean to Julia about: the job offer between him and her grandmother. He had to tell her now. He couldn’t risk there being any misunderstanding or hurt feelings. Julia and Tae were probably two people who knew best how families and their best intentions got all up in your business. It was something they would likely laugh about . . . as long as it was out in the open.

“Julia, there’s something I need to tell you, about your grandma,” Tae said.

She snuggled herself a little closer to his chest. “Oh, I know. I suspected it the moment she asked to speak to the doctor on her own. She didn’t want him to tell me she was okay, right? She needed to make sure I stuck around till the end of all three dates, huh? How did you hear? I know she has the best intentions, but I don’t exactly agree with her methods. I was really scared when she first thought she was sick. It’s kinda cruel to let me continue to worry. But damn, it’s hard to be mad at the woman.”

“Yeah, uh, speaking of your grandma’s best intentions, and, I guess, her questionable methods—”

Julia’s phone rang out in the other room. She raised her head, looking out the door toward the sound, and then down at Tae. She sighed as she pushed herself up. “I should get that. It could be a work emergency.”

She grabbed a silk robe off the back of her bedroom door and tied it around her, hustling out to grab her phone and answer the call.

Tae crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back in bed. Tonight he had to tie all the loose ends. Make a plan to sever ties with Chicago. Talk to Julia about her grandmother. And then tell Julia how he was feeling. Say the three words to her that had been on repeat in his head all night. He wouldn’t let self-doubt get the best of him when it came to Julia.

“Tae?” Julia stood in the doorway, looking down at her screen. “It’s Min.”

“My brother, Min?”

She nodded as she walked to the bed and swiped to answer the call. What the fuck was Min doing calling Julia?

“Hello?” she answered.

“Julia, are you with Tae?” Tae could hear his brother’s voice through the phone. Something didn’t sound right.

“Yeah, hold on . . .” Julia passed the phone to Tae. Tae realized he’d turned his phone to Silent before Julia got home.

“Min, what’s up?”

“Tae, it’s Mom and Dad. There’s been an accident . . .”

25
Paid in Full

Tae

Why was the traffic so freaking bad? God, he had to get to the hospital, and at this rate it was going to take them two hours to do so. Tae contemplated the feasibility of jumping out of the car and running his way there. That was a good indicator of how out of his mind with worry he was.

Tae’s knee bounced anxiously watching the freeway as Julia weaved in and out from lane to lane to maneuver them through the sea of red brake lights. She was doing her best, he knew. But he was getting increasingly frustrated that they were barely moving.

She’d insisted on driving. She was worried Tae was too freaked out. And she was right. If it weren’t for Julia, he’d probably have been in a fender bender by now.

Tae gripped his phone, waiting for any updates from Min about the status of his parents.

Had it been raining all evening? Tae was so engrossed in his time with Julia, he hadn’t paid attention to the rain. And now, he was stuck in traffic with a bunch of people who couldn’t drive at the sign of a raindrop. And his parents were in the hospital because they were those people.

“Tae,” Julia said softly, stealing a glance at him. She reached over and placed her hand on his. “They’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.”

Tae swallowed the lump in his throat and just nodded. It has to be, he thought to himself. His dad didn’t survive cancer only to get fucked up by a stupid car accident.

“It’s my fault,” he said.

“What? No. Why would you say that?”

He pulled his hand away from Julia’s and raked his fingers through his hair, tugging hard at the ends. He couldn’t listen to anyone trying to convince him otherwise.

“I told my dad they should celebrate his remission. I told him to take Mom out on a date. They’re not great drivers as it is, but they’re even worse in the rain. The only reason they were out, the only reason they left the house and got in the accident, was because of me. I was just in such a mood to pretend that things were normal again. And I wanted, for just one night, to not have to worry about them. To make them have their own fucking fun while I went to have mine. Fuck.” Tae’s logic was flawed, but he couldn’t help adding up everything with the only conclusion being that he could have stopped this from happening if he’d been home.

He saw Julia’s grip on the steering wheel grow tighter. God, he was an asshole. This was his fault and he was making it feel like it was hers too.

“Tae, you cannot put that on yourself. And you can’t keep your parents locked up in their home just because there’s a risk of them one day getting hurt. It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. This is not your fault.”

“But it didn’t happen to anyone, Julia. It’s my parents. I take care of them. And it’s my fault.”

Tae knew in the back of his head he wasn’t making any sense. His parents were adults, and he was not their babysitter, nor even legally their caregiver. But he couldn’t help thinking that if he had been there, he would have told them not to go out tonight. That, or he would have driven them himself. If he hadn’t been all the way up in LA at Julia’s, he could’ve prevented this from happening.

It was a familiar feeling, to shut down, to blame himself, to get lost in the darkness. And it was front and center right now. Tae needed to be careful before he said or did something he’d regret to the one person he didn’t ever want to hurt.

“I’m so sorry, Tae. Let’s not invite worry just yet. Let’s just get to the hospital and see what we’re dealing with. I’m sure they’ll be okay.”

We.

She kept using the word we. Tae wasn’t used to having someone by his side through problems. He hadn’t experienced having someone want to help him. And he appreciated Julia being here, driving him down to the hospital even. But for her to tell him that it wasn’t his fault felt all too much like when Kari used to tell him he was doing too much for his family. No one understood. Maybe Tae didn’t even understand.

“You’re right, Julia. Just ignore me. I’m rambling because I’m freaking out. Don’t listen to me. I’m sure they’ll be okay.” Tae’s voice sounded like a robot to his ears. He wasn’t fooling himself, and he wasn’t fooling Julia. He still couldn’t turn to look at her.

Julia just nodded while Tae continued to bounce his leg and put all his focus on hoping they’d get there faster.

They pulled up in front of the emergency room forty minutes later.

“Go,” Julia said. “I’ll park the car and be in right behind you.”

“You don’t have to stay,” he said. Don’t stay.

“Go, Tae. Hurry. I’ll be right there.”

Tae ran through the doors looking left and right for his brother. Min was standing at the nurses’ desk nodding and listening.

“Min,” Tae called out.

“Hey,” Min said as he grabbed Tae and pulled him into a hug.

“Where are they?” Tae asked.

Min turned back to the nurse. “My little brother.”

“Hi. I was just telling your brother the update on your folks. Your dad is getting checked out by the doctor. Looks like he has a broken arm and possibly a concussion. We’ll know more when the doctor is done.”

Jesus, what more did his dad have to go through? Why was it always something? Couldn’t life just give him a fucking break for once? It wasn’t fair. “He just finished a course of chemotherapy,” Tae informed the nurse.

“Yes, we’ve got his chart here. That shouldn’t have any bearing on his ability to recover. Your mother’s injuries, however, were a little more severe. She has a couple broken ribs and a possible collapsed lung. It may require surgery to repair the damage. Her injuries are pretty straightforward, but it will take some time to recover.”

His mom would go stir-crazy if she wasn’t physically able to work all day around the house. If his dad had a broken arm, he wouldn’t be able to keep up with his landscaping work. Tae would have to step in full-time. He began making a list in his head of everything he would have to do to cover them for as long as they needed. Maybe get a walker for his mom if it was too painful for her to carry her own weight. Put up blackout curtains in their bedroom if the sunlight was too much for his dad’s concussion.

He balled his hands into fists, digging his fingernails into his palms. He released them and stretched them out almost painfully.

A hand folded into his, fingers interlocking. He looked down at their intertwined hands and wondered if the warmth of this embrace was worth what had happened to his parents.

“How are they? Are they okay?” Julia asked.

“Hey, Jules,” his brother said. “Dad’s got a broken arm, and Mom’s got a couple broken ribs and a collapsed lung. We’ll know more in a little bit.” Min sounded so matter-of-fact. So calm. Tae hated him in this moment. He didn’t have the right to be calm.

“What happened?” Julia asked.

“They took the curve off the freeway ramp too quickly, and with the slick roads they spun out of control. Another car hit them, and they went off the side. The car is totaled,” Min explained.

The car.

The ER.

The surgery.

Would their insurance even cover all of this?

Tae couldn’t let himself worry about it right now.

“Luckily the guardrail was there to stop the car, so it wasn’t worse.”

It sounded bad enough to Tae.

“I just don’t understand why they were even driving tonight in the rain. Where did they have to go? They don’t go anywhere on the freeway other than church,” Min wondered.

“I—I told them to go out,” Tae muttered. “I told them to go have some fun, to do something romantic while I was gone tonight. I didn’t think they’d leave the house in the rain, though. They never know their limits. They don’t use common sense. I have to always be there to prevent them from doing something stupid.”

Bitterness cut through his mouth. He’d held it in for so long. Used his family as an excuse but never letting himself admit the flip side. Not being able to be whole, feel successful, live his own life. Tae was the one they called when something happened, not Min. Because Tae would drop everything and be there. He’d drop his job, his girlfriend, his life. He’d drop Julia if he had to.

“Don’t beat yourself up like that, Tae. You can’t control their lives,” Min said. His attempt to make Tae feel better rubbed him raw.

“Why are you here, anyways? How did you know about the accident? I’m the emergency contact. They wouldn’t call you first.” Tae said it to hurt his brother.

Min pulled back. It was a direct hit. He swallowed and clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes slightly. “I’m in their phone as Son 1. Apparently, that means something to them. And if you’re gonna be an emergency contact, maybe don’t turn off your phone.”

“Sorry to have made you leave your precious job and the life you’re obsessed with above everything else to come here.” Tae laid the accusation on as thick as he could. He didn’t know where else to focus his anger, his fear.

“Tae.” The voice was soft, gentle, too kind, too intimate for the harsh lighting and the bitter smells of this environment. “Don’t do this. Let’s focus on your parents.”

He pulled his arm out of her grasp.

“When can we see them?” Tae asked the nurse.

Tae’s voice shook, and Julia rewrapped her hands around his arm, holding on tighter this time. She was not letting him push her away. He didn’t want her here. He didn’t want her to ever let go either.

“It’s gonna be a while. I suggest you go home and get some rest and come back tomorrow morning,” the nurse said. How many times did she tell families to go away and come back later? How many times had that messaging actually worked?

“Tae, the nurse is right. We’ll just be sitting here in this waiting room with no news. Let’s go home and come back early,” Julia said.

“No, I’ll stay.”

“Go home, Tae. I’ll stay tonight. You come back and relieve me in the morning. There’s no use both of us sitting in these uncomfortable chairs with nothing to do,” Min said.

It wasn’t a challenge. It was an honest offer.

Tae hesitated. If he went home, he’d drive himself crazy. And Julia had driven him here. He hated to admit it, but she was the last person he wanted to see right now. He didn’t want to see anybody, actually. He wasn’t thinking straight, and there was a good chance he’d think or feel or say something he’d regret later.

“I’m the one who stays,” he bit back. “You go. You both go. I’m not leaving.”

I can never leave, he thought to himself.

Julia looked up at him, concern filling her eyes. This was supposed to be an incredible night. But maybe this just wasn’t in the cards for them.

Tae leaned down and kissed Julia on the forehead. “Go, Jules. I’ll be okay. I’ll call you later.”

She hesitated, but Tae’s look left no room for discussion. She nodded. “If you need anything . . .”

“I’ll let you know.”

It had been a long night.

Tae lifted his hands above his head to stretch out the kinks in his back.

“Here.” Min reached out a steaming travel cup. “Did you get any sleep at all?”

Tae shook his head while taking a careful sip of the coffee. It was exactly what he needed. “I spent most of the night pacing. And watching YouTube videos until my phone died.”

“Did you talk to the doctor?”

Tae closed his eyes and nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. “They’re okay. Dad’s going home today, and Mom won’t need surgery, but she’s gonna stay one more day for them to keep an eye on her lungs. They were both sleeping, doped up on pain meds, but I did get to see them. It scared the shit out of me how banged up they looked. But the doctor swears they’re okay.”

“Why don’t you go home, and I’ll hang out. Take a hot shower, grab some sleep, charge your phone,” Min said.

“I’m gonna wait until the billing office opens. This ER shit is not gonna be cheap, and we’re already in deep from the other treatments. I want to work out a payment plan that’s doable. Maybe if they see me looking this pathetic, they’ll take pity on me.”

“All of that can wait, Tae.”

Min didn’t understand. He didn’t give a shit about the mountain of details Tae was buried under. Tae wanted to hate his brother. But he understood too. When he was living and working in Chicago, he was blissfully oblivious to it all as well. Only when he moved home and saw exactly how much his parents weren’t capable of doing on their own did he decide to step all the way in.

Tae dropped his head to his chest, overcome with the weight of it all.

Min wrapped his arm around Tae’s shoulders. “We’ll figure it out.” Tae nodded, knowing we meant himself. He’d have to figure it all out. “Go grab something to eat at the cafeteria, and I’ll run in and check on Mom and Dad. Then I’ll drive you home since you don’t have a car.”

Tae agreed, and though he had no appetite, he probably could grab a banana or hard-boiled egg.

“Could you tell me what floor the billing department is on?” he asked the cafeteria cashier.

“It’s in the other building, floor two.”

“Thanks.”

Tae had to get it over with. He had to rip off the Band-Aid of facing the debt and figure out a solution for how to pay it back. He might as well face it head-on while he was here. He walked over to the administrative offices.

“Hi,” he greeted the woman at the front desk. “I was hoping to talk to someone about my father’s medical bills.”

“Are you the legal caregiver?” she asked.

Shit, Tae still hadn’t finished all the paperwork the lawyer had sent over to make it official. “No, not legally. But I wanted to work out a payment plan for the bills since those do fall on me.”

She nodded her head, asking for his father’s name, typing away on the computer in front of her.

“It shows here that everything is paid in full.”

Tae jerked his head up in surprise. “I’m sorry? I think that’s the wrong account. The balance should be a little over forty thousand dollars. Can you check the name again, please? The patient’s name is Jung Hoon Kim.”

She looked closer on the screen. “Yes, this is the right account. Shows here that the balance was paid off yesterday.”

“That’s impossible. Does it show a payment method?” Tae was racking his brain at what could have caused the misunderstanding.

“I’m sorry, but I’m unable to give you any additional details without your father’s permission. If you have him call us, we can let him know.” Tae nodded, still in shock.

Paid in full. As of yesterday.

Tae couldn’t understand what happened.

“If you need anything . . .”

What Julia had said to him yesterday before leaving the hospital. Julia was the one person who could afford to do it. And the one person who kept offering to help if he needed it. He couldn’t imagine her doing this without asking him first. She wouldn’t, would she? But he hadn’t been in his right mind yesterday. And it was like her to do anything she could to help. And she was the only one he could think of that had the means to do it on short notice.

She was a CEO. She made spur-of-the-moment decisions about money without asking anyone else all the time. And money, to people who had a lot of it, didn’t mean the same to those who didn’t.

“Did you need anything else?”

Tae shook his head. “No. No, thank you.” He turned and walked away, stunned.

How could she? He’d specifically told her he didn’t want her involved. This was his problem. The last thing he needed or wanted was her trying to take care of things for him. He didn’t want her feeling sorry for him or his family’s predicament. Why would she do this? It felt like a complete invasion of privacy. They weren’t even officially dating.

She basically just Dr. Joshua Parked him.

“No job. No pay.”

Tae fumed as he walked back to his parents’ hospital room . . . feeling about as small and helpless as he’d ever been.

26
Confession. Rejection.

Julia

He was avoiding her.

Julia was sure of it.

It had been three days since the car accident. Julia tried to text and call Tae to check in, but got only a couple one-word answers back. She didn’t want to bother him. He was clearly busy with other things. But she couldn’t help but think that he was purposely not talking to her.

“It’s my fault,” he’d said. The date. Not being home for his parents. Julia knew that it was an impossible burden for Tae to take on. But she didn’t trust that Tae could see that too.

She would never ask him to choose time with her over time with his parents. She wasn’t that selfish or cruel. She wasn’t the villain Julia had made his ex, Kari, out to be in her head.

But she also knew that Tae couldn’t live his life hovering over his parents on the off chance that something could happen to them. And put his life entirely on hold to do so.

She pulled the blankets back over her head and closed her eyes. She held her phone to her heart and willed it to ring.

Julia jumped back as the phone vibrated. She was a mess of arms and legs flailing with sheets, struggling to answer the call.

“Hello,” she said, out of breath. She needed to get back on her Peloton at some point, that was for sure.

“Open the door. We’re on our way up.” This wasn’t the call she was hoping for.

Not Tae. Rachel and Sonia.

She responded to a few of their texts. I’m okay. Don’t worry. But she didn’t have it in her to tell them the truth. I’m broken. I miss him so much it hurts.

“I’m not in the mood for company right now,” Julia said.

“No shit. You’re probably hiding under your covers, getting lost in your head, while your greasy bangs stick to your forehead, a bag of Doritos on your nightstand,” Rachel responded.

“SunChips. I didn’t have any Doritos.”

“Open up. We’re here. Oh, wait forget it, I still have the code. You need to change that thing by the way. Like anyone who knows your birthday can break into your place.”

“Yoo-hooo.” Sonia’s voice broke through conversation from the other side of her door. “Are you decent? We’re coming in . . .”

Julia pulled the covers back over her head as the bedroom door opened to who she assumed was the cavalry. The smell hit her immediately. Something warm, something sweet, something delicious.

“You don’t play fair,” she said under the covers.

The smell drew closer.

She pulled back the blankets to find a bag of pastries dangling over her head.

“Fresh from the oven.”

“And coffee. The good stuff from Dunkin’.”

Nothing beat fresh pastries and hot Dunkin’ Donuts’ coffee. Her friends were cruel and playing dirty.

“I don’t want to talk. I just want to eat.”

“Fine,” Rachel said.

“Sure,” Sonia added.

Julia took a large bite of the buttery apple fritter. “Have either of you, um, heard from him?” If she asked with her mouth full, maybe they wouldn’t understand her question. Then she wouldn’t have to regret asking it. She wasn’t sure if she was more afraid of them saying yes or saying no. Surely Tae wouldn’t reach out to either of them before her.

“He, um, came by our place to take some measurements yesterday when I wasn’t there. James talked to him. His parents are home from the hospital and he’s taking care of them.”

“Like he always does,” Rachel said.

“Saint.”

“Angel.”

“Someone get that man the Nobel Peace Prize,” Sonia said.

“And an Academy Award while we’re at it,” Rachel added.

“What does acting have anything to do with it?” Sonia asked.

“I don’t know. But he deserves all the excellence awards, wouldn’t you agree?” Rachel argued.

Julia listened as her friends lobbed compliments back and forth about Tae. He was a great guy, no question. But right now, he felt so out of reach. “I just wish he’d call me back,” she said, sad even to her own ears.

“Dead to us,” Rachel said, changing course.

“Men suck,” Sonia added in solidarity.

“My mom told me his parents are doing pretty well. That’s good. I was just wondering how he was doing.” Julia meant it. It was good news that his parents were home and recovering.

“Call him again? Ask him?” Sonia suggested.

Julia shook her head. She had held her phone in her hand so many times, typing out messages. Hovering over his name to call him. But she chickened out each time. She didn’t know which was worse: the long waits between messages, or the short one-word answers.

“I can’t. It’ll just make things harder on him. I don’t want to do that. He’s got enough going on.”

“Nope, I’m not buying it. What would CEO Julia do if, say, someone didn’t show up to work or didn’t get back to her? You’d demand an audience. You’d be persistent to the point of annoyance. You’d do anything to get a response,” Rachel said.

“I know what to do in matters of business. I just don’t know what to do with matters of the heart,” Julia admitted.

“That’s the issue, girl. You act like you have to be two different people to serve two different parts of your life. But you just have to be you, be yourself. That’s the person that can succeed at work and at love.” Julia wanted to believe what Sonia was saying, what they both were. But it always felt like there were two parts to her, one successful, the other not. Julia didn’t know how to approach life this way.

“Julia, you two need to talk. You need to let him know that you’re there for him, even with everything going on with his family,” Rachel said.

“He needs you,” Sonia added.

“He blames himself for his parents’ accident. And I think he kinda blames me too,” Julia admitted.

“That’s ridiculous. No way,” Rachel said.

“He was in shock. James even said he was still shaken when he saw him. He’ll calm down and start to think rationally again,” Sonia said.

“You need to set him straight,” Rachel said, pointing at Julia. “Get on your white horse and go down there and rescue him from himself.”

Julia rolled her eyes at Rachel.

“Rachel’s not wrong. He’s always taking care of everyone else. Maybe it’s time you go and take care of him.”

“And if he doesn’t want me to?” Julia asked.

“Don’t give him the chance to say no,” Rachel answered.

Julia let her friends’ words swim around in her mind. Could she just go and confront Tae, tell him she was there to help him, to be there for him, and just . . . not leave? Force him to give in and accept the help?

“But, girl, first you really need a shower. And use the extra deep conditioner,” Rachel said, face scrunched in disapproval.

Right. Okay.

Shower first. Then rescuing.

Less than a week ago, Julia had knocked on this same door and ended the night in Tae’s arms. Well, actually, they’d panic-rushed to get their clothes back on before his parents came home, but still. Today she feared she might never see him again.

Don’t be so melodramatic, she chastised herself. Just see with your own eyes that he’s okay, and go from there.

She took a quick intake of breath as the door opened.

He looked tired, his normal expressive, dancing eyes looked flat, dark circles framing them from below.

He also looked beautiful, strength and care personified.

“Julia? What are you doing here?”

Not exactly the warm welcome she’d hoped for.

She thought about the time Kari had just shown up at his house unannounced. Was she making all the same mistakes? One thing she knew that Tae hated was pressure. People putting pressure on him to make decisions or have answers he didn’t. But no, she was here to check on Tae and his family. And if anyone had a problem with that, including Tae, then that was on them.

She straightened her posture. “I was in the neighborhood . . .”

He tilted his head, eyes narrowed. Yeah, playing it casual and lying weren’t going to work here.

“Actually, I drove down because I’ve been worried about you. I just wanted to see if you were okay. And I came to offer, I don’t know, anything, I guess, to help.” There, she did it. She put it out there. She held her breath, waiting. Why was this so hard? It hadn’t ever been difficult with Tae.

Tae’s lips were tight, and his nostrils flared. He closed his eyes and took a breath, trying to steady himself. When he opened them and looked at Julia, she didn’t recognize the person staring at her. Julia wanted to step back and run. She swallowed. “I know you think what you did was helping, Julia. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t cool. I didn’t ask for your help. I didn’t need it. I had it figured out.”

Julia’s mind raced trying to catch up to what Tae was saying, but she was drawing a blank. He couldn’t possibly be this mad at her driving him to the hospital. Coming down here to talk to him? What was it? “Tae, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Tae raked his hands through his hair, leaving them on top of his head as his eyes looked anywhere but at Julia.

“I’m sorry,” Julia said. She wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for. But she’d clearly done something wrong. “I thought . . . I guess I just thought that since you’re so busy looking after your parents, you might want someone to be here for you. And I am—here for you. I care about you, Tae. You’re important to me. I . . .” She swallowed back the emotions. She swallowed back the words that were too hard and too scary to say.

“Julia, don’t.”

She looked up at him, uncertain why he was being so cold, so angry. She’d never seen this side of Tae.

He closed his eyes, seemingly to try and gather himself. “I appreciate you coming all the way down here, but you didn’t need to—”

“I wanted to,” she interrupted.

“But I don’t want you to,” he snapped back. He let out a frustrated growl, and it pained her to see whatever it was he was going through, what her mere presence here was putting him through. She should just leave.

Leave, Julia, she screamed to herself.

“Look, I’m not trying to hurt you. I just can’t handle all of this right now. It’s just too much. You’re . . . too much,” Tae said.

He knew what he was doing. He knew those exact words would hurt her. She played them over in her mind. “I’m too much,” she said, mirroring him. Wasn’t this why men couldn’t handle being close to Julia? But Tae had never made it seem like he couldn’t handle being with her.

His eyes flared. “Julia, can’t you see? I don’t have anything to offer you. I don’t even know how I’m going to pay you back. I don’t have the money. I don’t have the time. I don’t have the space to give to you.”

Julia hadn’t asked him for anything. She hadn’t given him anything either. So why would he need to pay her back? “I don’t need anything. I don’t care about money—”

“Well, I do! God, don’t you get it? That’s the exact issue. I don’t ever have the liberty to not care about money. But that doesn’t mean I wanted yours.”

Julia shook her head. She was missing something. There had clearly been a misunderstanding. If Tae needed money and asked her for it, she would discuss it with him. But she’d never just throw her money around and flippantly give it away. Especially if she knew it wasn’t something someone wanted from her. She was not about some kind of power trip, and God, not ever with Tae.

She opened her mouth to talk it out, to get clarification, to clear up the misunderstanding. But Tae beat her to the punch.

“God, Julia, I’m even considering taking your grandmother’s money. But at least I had to work for that. I hate myself for ever getting caught up in this mess.”

“My grandmother’s money?” Julia’s heart pounded. What was he talking about? Julia felt like the two of them were in two different conversations. She remembered something Tae had told her the night of their date about her grandmother’s best intentions but questionable methods. What was she missing?

Tae dropped his head to his chest and shook it.

Please don’t go on. Please don’t go on. Julia was too afraid to hear the truth. Because if Tae was this agonized over it, it was definitely going to be bad.

“Julia, your grandmother offered me a job. She hired me to date you.”

No.

Please, no.

“Date me? Like, an escort?” she asked. Her heart pounded in her chest so hard she felt it in her teeth.

“No, not like that. Just to, you know, prepare you for the dates. Like the deal between you and me, but she had asked me before you did,” he answered.

“No. I asked you, remember? At the herbalist. I told you I needed a dating coach, and you offered.” She replayed the memories in her head. No way had he mentioned his grandmother hiring him to help her. Why would the two of them collude behind her back? Her heart raced with her mind, one trying to outpace the other.

“She pulled me aside at her birthday party . . .”

The night before they went to the herbalist.

Tears welled in Julia’s eyes. She couldn’t see Tae’s face anymore. It was all a wet blur.

“So, what? You agreed to be my dating coach, get close to me, make me fall for you . . . because my grandmother hired you to? Was it all just a job for you?” She knew the answer. He already said the answer.

“No, Julia, no.” He was backpedaling, and it made Julia’s stomach turn. “I wasn’t ever going to take her money. I told her so in the beginning, and I was gonna tell her at the end too.”

God, she was such an idiot. Tae never promised her anything. He never even shared any of how he was feeling with her. He was just kind to her like he was to everyone else. Kindness out of service. Kindness with a price tag. No, it was her pouring herself out to him. Looking like a fool because she couldn’t get it right—she couldn’t get any relationships right. And here he was confirming it.

He reached out for her arm, but she swatted his hand away. She tried to remember everything that had happened since that first day. Any and every place she’d got it wrong, where she’d misread the signs. Damn it, Julia, you are smarter than this. How had she missed it?

She swallowed down the pain and the embarrassment, straightened her back, and put on her CEO mask. She waited one second to calm herself. “Whatever money you think I gave you, you’re wrong. I have not entered into any financial transaction with you or anyone in your family. So you’ll need to find the correct target for your vitriol and victim-blaming. And whatever money my grandmother is paying you for your services, that’s between the two of you. Hopefully she’ll still pay you, even though it turned out to be a lost cause after all.”

“Julia, it wasn’t just a job, I swear. I care about you. You mean a lot to me. And maybe I thought we could see where this would go.” He let out a breath as if this was the hardest chore for him to do. Get rid of the pest now that the job is over.

“Don’t worry, Tae.” Julia hid every bit of emotion behind a mask of steel and a steady voice she’d honed after years of demanding to be heard in an industry that didn’t want to take her seriously. “It’s good. We’re good. It was a misunderstanding. It happens. No harm, no foul. I get it now.”

“It’s just that—God, Julia—what you did with the bills was so uncool. This is my family. You can’t just step in and fix shit, fix me, with money. It was a reminder to me that we’re in two different leagues, two very different tax brackets. And it brought it home clear as day what I’d almost forgotten . . . I just work for you, for your grandma.”

Julia couldn’t hear anymore. She turned around and walked to her car. She expected Tae’s hand to grab her, but yet again she’d overestimated him. “Next time, you might want to fact-check and get your accusations right. If you had asked me, I would have given whatever money you needed. But I also knew you’d never ask, so I didn’t bring it up. And I have never crossed the line paying for something without your knowledge and consent.”

She looked at him, one last time, still standing exactly where he had been, head down to his chest. There were no winners in this fight.

Julia got in her car, holding on as she drove away. And when she’d reached the corner, out of sight, she let herself go.

She let herself cry.

27
Crock of Shit

Julia

It had all been a lie.

Worse, it had all been a job.

That revelation made Julia feel pathetic and . . . dirty.

Tae didn’t have feelings for her other than pity. And dollar signs. She couldn’t even feel furious at him because she knew how much he needed the money. She just wished he’d been honest with her from the beginning. Why keep it a secret and then make her out to be the fool? It didn’t feel like the Tae that she knew.

Question was, Did she ever really know him at all?

She’d thought she was in love with him. She’d almost said the words in bed the other night. What a fool.

Julia dropped her head in her hands, unable to focus on any of the work strewn all over her desk. She handled business transactions all day long. She just never thought she’d ever be one.

“Shit, it’s worse than I thought.”

Julia looked up as Rachel entered her office, brown takeout bag in hand.

“I appreciate you stopping by, but I’m not in the mood—”

“Yeah, well, Annette sounded the alarm, and I was closest to the pho restaurant. So you can’t turn me away.”

She played so freaking dirty. It wasn’t fair.

Rachel put the bag down and pulled out the containers of broth and noodles and veggies. She walked out to Annette’s desk where an outstretched arm offered her the familiar bottle with the green top. Rachel returned with sriracha chili sauce in hand.

“We’re gonna stink up the office,” Julia whined. It was a weak excuse. There was no lying about her need for pho.

“Just the office? More like everywhere you go. It’ll be coming out of your pores, in your hair, and on your clothes all day. But, desperate times.”

Julia nodded. Desperate times indeed.

“You wanna tell me what happened?”

Julia shook her head.

“Look, I already promised Sonia I’d get the scoop, so might as well tell me before she comes over here and loves all over you to death to get it out of you. With me, you only have to spill the facts. I’m the preferable option.”

Julia replayed the truth in her mind. “My halmoni paid Tae to date me.”

“What? Shit. Maybe we’re going to need Sonia after all.”

“Oh, and he said I was ‘too much’.”

“Fuck.” Rachel’s one-word reaction said it all.

Julia closed her eyes and dropped her head. The shame and embarrassment magnified in the light of day. She couldn’t handle seeing the look of pity on her friend’s face. She swallowed the lump in her throat and fought back the tears.

“Are you sure this isn’t some sort of misunderstanding? This really doesn’t sound like something Tae would do,” Rachel said.

“I thought that too. But honestly, doesn’t it? He would help anyone who asked him in that Korean community. Imagine him trying to say no to my grandmother. Him. Her. I can absolutely see how this went down.”

“Okay, but that’s different. Being kind and agreeing to help an elder is one thing. And it’s not the worst thing. It could be kinda cute actually. Sweet.” Rachel was not the type to bring up the sweet side of things. Nice try.

Julia pulled piping-hot noodles into her mouth. She didn’t blow on them first. She didn’t proceed with caution. She wanted to feel the sharp sting of the burn in her mouth.

This was why she wanted to be alone. She didn’t want to relive it all by having to tell the story to her friends and have them try to make her feel better. There was no feeling better about this. There was no bright side.

She squirted more hot sauce into her broth. Spicier. More pain.

“You trying to punish yourself with spicy butt later?” Rachel asked.

Julia rolled her eyes at Rachel.

“He doesn’t want me back, Rachel. He doesn’t want me at all.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna call bullshit on that one. I’ve seen you two together. I’ve heard him talk about you. It’s there. He’s just too messed up in his head to go for it. I find it fascinating how you both think you’re undateable but can’t figure out that you’re undateable to other people because you’re the most dateable for each other.”

“Rachel, please, stop. I get that you want the happy ending for me, but it’s not gonna happen. Not with Tae, at least. You didn’t see him. He was mad, and then hurt, and then defeated. I couldn’t keep up with all those emotions. He mentioned money. Us being on two different levels because of it. He mentioned not wanting to pay me back, which confused me since he never let me pay for anything, even on our practice dates.” God, Julia hated the topic of money. It brought out the worst in people.

“That’s weird,” Rachel noted.

“Yeah, I kinda pieced it together. I think someone paid off his dad’s medical bills, and he assumed it was me. But Tae never asks for help. He never lets anyone help him, especially when it comes to his family. It’s like he considers it a mark of failure.”

“Huh. Sounds like someone else I know,” Rachel said, staring directly at Julia.

“Knowing this, I wouldn’t just cross the line he’s drawn and force my help on him.”

“So who do you think did it?”

“I don’t know. The church maybe? I absolutely would have if he had asked me. And I’m glad someone came through to help them. But I get how he would feel shitty about someone doing it without talking to him first. Sadly, he thought that someone was me. And it wasn’t. But worst of all, he said he had nothing to give me. Rachel, I’ve never asked him for anything. I just wanted to be with him—however, whenever. I swear.” Julia didn’t know why she was so desperate to have someone believe her.

“I know, honey. I know you, remember? That’s not your style. But I think I know Tae too, and this doesn’t sound like his style either. He would never purposely hurt you. Ever. Tae had to have had his reasons, Julia.”

But it did hurt.

When Julia was little and had a headache, her halmoni would press between Julia’s thumb and forefinger, her pressure point, to make it go away. “Acupressure, it’s called,” she told Julia. “Eastern medicine’s way of healing.” It sounded mystical, and Julia was in awe enough that she put up with the excruciating pain in order to be healed. But then her grandmother burst her bubble by continuing. “It’s a crock of shit. It’s just bigger pain to make you forget the other pain. But the human mind wants to believe what it will. How’s your headache?”

It worked on Julia then.

Was that what her grandma was doing by hiring Tae? The pain of betrayal much bigger so she’d forget the pain of being single and alone?

The human mind wants to believe what it will. Did Julia believe that there was someone, Tae, who finally loved her as she was and could handle her?

Crock of shit.

She’d vacillated between hurt and anger all day. And right now, anger was rearing its ugly head.

“I don’t blame him for taking the job from my grandmother. He claims he wasn’t going to take payment, but honestly, he needs money. And we were friends. Easy job to hang out with your friend, right?”

“Julia . . .”

She couldn’t handle her friend’s recriminations. She’d break if Rachel took his side on this.

“What? I’m wrong?” Julia challenged her.

“She might have asked him to date you, but there’s nothing she did to make the two of you fall for each other. That man cares about two things in this life: his family and you. Period.”

It’s why Julia couldn’t even be as mad as she wanted to. He’d always been family first. She knew it, accepted it. She’d admit that she even loved him for it. So he chose his family’s financial needs first. Even at the expense of playing Julia for a fool.

“It’s clear as day, Julia. I get why you’re hurt. I would be too. But think of it this way. Your grandmother did this for you because she wanted you to be happy. And, in the same sense, Tae wanted that for you too. I mean, how much are we even talking here? Big money? Does your grandma even have big money? Maybe she only offered him a couple hundred bucks. Would that make it feel like less of a betrayal?”

Julia was tired of talking about it. She was tired of thinking about it.

“Hey, thanks for coming over and bringing pho for healing. I’m okay, just like I texted you guys. You didn’t have to drive here to make sure. I just need to get back to work.”

Work was the only thing she had control over now. It was the only thing she was good at, the one thing she could count on. Prepping for the big meeting with Andrew Lim was the only thing she would pour herself into.

And for the next few days that’s exactly what she did.

“I’m thrilled to be meeting in person, finally,” Julia said.

“Same here. We’ve done some great work over email and conferencing, but nothing like a face-to-face meeting to really get a sense of how both sides are feeling.”

Andrew Lim was an impressive figure, almost intimidatingly so. Tall, broad, and handsome, his presence was felt immediately as they walked through the reception area to the executive conference room where the two of them would be meeting.

Julia really loved how Tae had designed this room with its textured walls and wide-planked wood floors laid out in a herringbone pattern. The ten-foot conference table was made out of a huge poured-concrete slab, but instead of typical leather chairs, Tae had chosen softer wheeled armchairs and had them upholstered in a soft pink velvet. The entire aesthetic was a surprising mix of industrial and chic, and Julia was obsessed.

She wasn’t sure what Tae would end up wanting to do with his life. But she hoped he kept designing and building interiors. He was so talented.

A pang hit her heart at the thought of Tae. She’d been so careful to stay busy enough to avoid thinking about him, but he’d sneak into her thoughts every once in a while. Usually at night when she was trying to sleep. It was super inconvenient for him to interrupt her now, right before one of the biggest meetings of her life.

Andrew took a seat and pulled out his files. Julia had her iPad out and set up the connection to project to the screen if needed.

“Our teams have gone over a lot of what this could look like, but I’d like to start finalizing some details to get us on the same page and see if we can move forward,” Andrew started. His voice low, commanding.

Julia was ready for this meeting mentally, and she so rarely found herself feeling intimidated by anyone when it came to business. But her emotions had been fragile as of late, and, well, she needed this to work. It was Hansuk Holdings and Andrew Lim that held all the cards. She didn’t feel in a position of power right now. And that worried her.

Starlight was Julia’s brainchild, and she was proud of what they’d managed to build.

But there had always been the Korean factor in her mind. Would Korea, with their fickle and demanding consumers, their insular businesses and industries, take Starlight seriously? And there had always been the feeling of not being good enough until the Korean market told her she was. She wanted that validation. But did she need it?

Maybe that was exactly what had happened in that disastrous plan for being setup by her family on dates. Besides doing it for her grandma’s dying wish, she couldn’t deny wanting validation that she was dateable. But honestly, did she ever really need it?

And had she done it all differently, would she and Tae have found their way to each other? Would it have been any less of a mess than it was now?

Get ahold of yourself, Julia.

“I’ve appreciated the time and effort your team has put toward this proposal, working in tandem with our Starlight team. It has been an incredible honor and a great learning experience for so many of us.”

“The enthusiasm of your team and their loyalty to the brand is refreshing, Julia. You’ve built a great company. We’d really like to step in and take it to the next level for you.”

Step in. Take it to the next level.

This was where Julia wavered. Was Hansuk Holdings trying to acquire Starlight at the end of the day?

“I think there could be a strong partnership here. I wanted to discuss the business side of the proposal. You’d mentioned we’d discuss this one-on-one when we met. It’s unclear to me what Hansuk’s ultimate goal is here. Are they trying to help launch Starlight globally and, in turn, become profitable from its success, or—”

“Julia, at the risk of sounding overly arrogant, Starlight is a very small fish, and Hansuk owns the pond. We don’t need Starlight for any profit they could earn us. Our intention is to acquire the company at some point, obviously, with your blessing. We would keep the brand as is, but we’d definitely need to look at a larger scale and more profitable production model, distribution model, marketing model, staffing model,” Andrew Lim explained.

“Starlight isn’t on the market for acquisition. I tried to make that clear from the start,” Julia said.

“We’re not offering to buy right now anyways. I’ve heard you loud and clear. It’s impossible not to take you seriously, Julia. You are an impressive business leader.”

Julia begged her neck not to turn red at the compliment.

“Thank you. That’s appreciated,” she said.

“Look, I’ll be completely honest here. Hansuk Holdings wants you, Julia. We want you working for us. We want your mind helping us expand, infusing new energy into what we’re trying to do in the market. It’s not about Starlight in the long run.”

Julia straightened her back a little further and let out a quick breath. It was incredibly flattering. She didn’t know how to even wrap her head around what Andrew was saying. She was the one they wanted. This was Julia’s playground, where she could feel the most confident. And she was desirable here.

She might be undateable in her personal life, but in her professional one, she was the prize.

“Of course, it would require you to relocate to Korea at some point soon,” Andrew added.

“I’m sorry?” Had she heard it right? Korea?

“You’ve mentioned how you wanted the Korean market. You need to understand it first. You need to live it. Otherwise, how authentic would it actually be?” The reality of what Andrew was saying, and the matter-of-factness with how he said it, hit Julia. Hard. He was right. How authentic could it be without having ever lived it, without knowing the market? Julia’s mind was being blown. “And we, in turn, want some of your expertise in the Korean American market. It’s a really new frontier for us. Focusing specifically on a diaspora consumer.”

Julia was trying to keep up with everything Andrew was saying. Had she been wrong all along? Maybe she didn’t need Korea. She had the diaspora consumer base. Maybe what she was doing had been the right path all along.

Julia was torn.

She’d be a fool to pass up the massive opportunity that was being offered her. A huge job at an industry-leading company . . . in Korea. Leaving her family and friends behind. The thought pained her, if she were honest with herself.

Or . . . staying here, continuing as is, family, Starlight . . . the possibility of running into Tae.

But maybe she needed to find a new start where that wouldn’t be the case.

It might not be what she wanted, but Julia couldn’t help but wonder if Korea could be exactly what she needed right now.

28
Gunbae

Tae

Tae had just returned from the Korean grocery store, bringing all the bags in from his car, when he heard the clatter of a dropped spoon. He rushed into the kitchen to find his mom gingerly bending over to pick it up.

“Aigoo,” she moaned as she held her healing ribs.

“Mom, are you okay?” Tae ran up to her to help her stand. “Come sit down.”

“No, no, I’m okay. I have no time to sit,” she said, brushing his hands away.

Tae looked around the kitchen. All the burners were turned on with pots and pans ready to be filled. An onion and garlic cloves sat on the cutting board.

“Umma, what are you doing?” Tae didn’t want to be furious at his mother. But his fuse had been short the last few days, and he couldn’t help but snap at her. No matter how many times he told her to rest and recover, she just wouldn’t listen. Neither would his father.

“I’m making lunch. Did you get everything I asked from the store?”

“I got whatever was on the list. If you didn’t put it on the list—” he shook the paper itemizing the one thousand things his mother wrote down in her terrible Hangul penmanship “—then, I didn’t get it.” Why it mattered whether he got firm tofu or extra firm tofu, bean sprouts or mung bean sprouts, he couldn’t figure out. Was it just the world’s cruel form of punishment, roaming around a Korean market for the right ingredients?

“Taehyung-ah, why are you yelling at me?”

Tae closed his eyes and let his head fall back on his shoulders. God, give him strength.

Tae needed some air. He needed to take a breath and calm down. “I’m sorry, Mom. But you’re supposed to be resting. And you never listen.” He shook his head. “I’m going out back. Umma, listen to me. Do not put away the groceries. I will do that when I come back in. Okay?”

“Okay, okay,” she replied. He didn’t believe her. Fine, let her be stubborn and put away the groceries and aggravate her ribs. Whatever.

With a frustrated growl, he gathered up all the grocery bags from the kitchen counter, hanging the bags with their heavy contents on his arms, and took them outside with him. Childish, maybe. But he didn’t trust his mother to listen to his simple request. And he needed to keep her from hurting herself.

Fights between Tae and his folks had increased since the car accident. They were both more needy than they’d ever been. And Tae was more irritable. He was so tired of being angry, then overwhelmed with guilt and frustration, and then feeling total helplessness. Everything felt out of control.

And fuck, he missed Julia. He had been awful to her. He would never forget the look on her face when she drove away. He was angry, yes, but he had also been exhausted and irritable and felt like giving up so many times the days since the accident. And he’d hurt her with the truth. It wasn’t how he’d wanted to come clean to her about his deal with her grandma. But he’d used the information like a weapon. Julia deserved better than the mess that Tae had become.

Now he hid in the house afraid to run into Grandma Song. And he held tight to his phone, cursing at its inactivity, knowing Julia would never reach out to him again.

Tae put the groceries down on the patio table, drowning out his mother nagging him through the screen door about taking the food outside where the air was dirty. He sat in one of the old deck chairs, elbows on his knees, head in his hands, half his ass falling through the broken weave of the seat. He had been such a dick to Julia. And apparently was so good at it he’d decided to be a dick to his parents too. And while he was at it, he was a dick to the guy working the In-N-Out drive-through the other day for not giving him a straw.

He hadn’t been sleeping well, thoughts of all his bad choices dancing in his head, taunting him. His email inbox screaming at him: his employer telling him to confirm resignation and to clear out his desk, his roommates telling him to clean out his apartment, and the last thing Tae wanted to do was go back to Chicago. The second-to-last thing he wanted to do, if he was being truthful, was stay here stuck in Irvine. Not like this.

The sliding door opened, and Tae looked back just as Min stepped outside, a bottle of soju and two shot glasses in his hands.

“Isn’t it a little early for that?” Tae lifted his chin to the booze.

“From what I hear, I’m a few days late with this, actually.”

“Was it Mom or Dad that asked you to come and calm me down?”

“Does it matter?”

Min took the seat next to Tae and poured the soju into the glasses.

“Gunbae,” they both said, clinking glasses and downing the contents. Tae shook off the burn and put his glass down. Min refilled it.

“Oh, it’s gonna be one of those days, huh?” Tae asked.

“What’s going on with you, Tae?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Tae replied.

“Let me clarify. An angry Tae turns the universe on its head. No one knows what to do with this misalignment of moon and stars. Why are you so pissed off?”

Well, that was a loaded question. Should he start with the fact that he felt stuck here taking care of his parents and couldn’t live his own life? Or the fact that he threw the only really good thing in his life away when he shunned Julia and lied to her about working for her grandmother? Let’s not forget the fact that she paid for his dad’s medical bills but denied it when called out.

“Nothing’s going on,” Tae said flatly. It was just easier not to talk about it.

His brother glared at him, aggravated. Min leaned back in his chair, looking out over their backyard. “You can be a dick to me. I can take it. Maybe I haven’t been the most caring hyung to you, but one way I can be there is to let you take it out on me. Better me than our parents, anyway.”

Tae wanted to be mad at his brother. The nerve of him to act like he wanted to protect their parents. But fuck, he was tired of being angry. Because Min wasn’t a dick. He was just different. He was ambitious and driven, and that took focus. They were just two different people, and they served their family in different ways.

“Look, I’m sorry I was such a prick at the hospital,” Tae said.

“Just the hospital?” The corner of Min’s mouth rose. He poured them two more shots.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of their mother in the kitchen, humming a church hymn.

“A friend of mine is in town from Korea,” Min said, finally breaking the silence. “He works for a big company out there and is here for some business and to visit his family. He told me he is having dinner with one Julia Song of Starlight Cosmetics. He’s pretty pumped about it, too.”

Tae’s heart stopped. He felt like he’d been punched in the solar plexus. That was quick. Tae grabbed the bottle of soju and poured himself another glass. He threw it back and waited for the alcohol to kick in to numb some of what he was feeling. Too much emotion battling for the top spot within him.

“That’s cool. Is he a good guy?” Each word physically hurt him to say. But Julia deserved a good guy. Who knew? Maybe this friend of Min’s could end up being the guy who finally won Julia’s heart. Sounded like he had big bucks. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Maybe she’d marry him, and Tae’s magical power to date the girl before she found The One would work yet again.

His chest tightened.

Tae reached for the bottle again. Min grabbed his hand before he could pour. He gave him a warning look. Tae met his brother’s glare. He was not going to be the one to budge. He didn’t need a babysitter or a priest right now. They stared each other down until Min finally let go. Tae filled his glass, brought it to his lips, and swallowed.

“He’s a really good guy. One of the best, actually. He’s smart, successful, and tall. All the things Julia wants.” Min laughed at his own joke. Hilarious. Coming from Min, it sounded like he was making fun of Julia, and Tae really didn’t appreciate that. “He’s the perfect fit. But we know how those perfect fits ended up with Julia. At the end of the day, everyone thinks she doesn’t know what she wants. But I disagree. I think she knows exactly what she wants. He’s just being too big of a baby to step into the shoes and be there for her. He can’t believe that she’d want him, so instead he’s pushing her away.”

Tae’s anger brewed inside of him. He did not need his brother meddling in his nonexistent love life. And he was so tired of being there for everyone. He didn’t have it in him to be there for Julia too. “Well, maybe everyone should just mind their own business.”

“Yeah, well, that would be a lot easier if you weren’t being such an asshole to everyone out of your own frustration and regret. Everyone’s a lot happier when you’re not being a dick.”

“I can’t be responsible for how everyone feels,” Tae snapped back.

“Exactly.” Min had a smug look on his face. He’d made his point.

Tae shook his head, trying to block out everything his brother was saying to him. “Anyways, it’s not like that with me and Julia.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t really believe you. I saw the two of you at the hospital. I know there’s something going on there. Shit, there’s something been going on there since we were kids. You’re not with Kari. Mom and Dad are okay. So what I wanna know is why the fuck my friend Andrew Lim is going out to dinner with Julia instead of you?”

Tae slammed his hands on the table, shaking the bottle and the glasses. “She fucking paid for Dad’s hospital bills without telling me. She threw her money in my face. With the best of intentions, she made me feel smaller than I’ve ever felt. I couldn’t handle it. The finances. Taking care of our family. I couldn’t even handle taking care of Julia. And now I think I’m unraveling, like genuinely losing control of everything I’ve been trying to hold on to.”

“Okay, calm down. What the fuck?”

“Don’t tell me to calm down.” Tae was shaking. Why was he so out of control?

“Tae, have you thought about seeing someone to talk to?”

“What, like a shrink?”

Min shrugged. “Yeah, like therapy.”

Honestly, Tae hadn’t ever considered it. He was always the happy-go-lucky guy. Easygoing. Didn’t let shit get to him. Sure, there had been some dark times. He was certain he’d battled depression when he lived in Chicago. But he had to admit that things were starting to feel overwhelming, and his emotions went from the high end of the spectrum to the low so fast it made him dizzy. He felt like he was trying to hold on as hard as he could but could feel his grip slipping.

“I wouldn’t even know where to look,” Tae admitted.

“I know some people. I can give you a couple names,” Min said. “I like my therapist a lot, but you may not feel comfortable going to the same person.”

Tae had no idea that Min was going to therapy.

“I didn’t know,” he said.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I know Koreans typically don’t believe in it. They think you just go to church and pray harder, and everything will be okay. But, yeah, that never worked for me. I go to therapy, and I have no issue telling anyone that I do. I just never told you,” Min said. “But it’s helped give a lot of things in my life some perspective. I think it could help you too.”

Tae nodded. Perspective sounded really good right about now. He’d definitely need to look into it.

“And Tae?”

Tae looked over to meet his brother’s eyes. His big brother. His hyung. Tae resented him at times for not playing the big brother the way Tae wanted him to, needed him to. But sometimes Min surprised him. “Yeah?”

“Figure your shit out with Julia before you lose her to a guy like Andrew. Because you will. Lose her. She doesn’t want you for your job or your title or your bank account. So don’t put that on her.”

“You don’t understand,” Tae said, shaking his head.

“I understand that you’re being a whiny bitch. And I understand that you’re just looking for lame excuses to sabotage what’s going on with you and Julia because you’re so fucking scared to be happy for yourself. It’s just like Chicago. You were fucking scared so you sabotaged that too. I can appreciate that you were unhappy, but don’t make it about me finding you that job or Dad encouraging you to go. You got freaked out about what your life might become, and you turned into someone none of us recognized. I thought we’d finally seen you again since you’ve been back. But I’m beginning to wonder.”

Tae didn’t know what to say to all of that. Was he sabotaging his life because he was afraid?

“Fuck you” was all that he could think to say.

“Nice. Get it out of your system. Maybe then you’ll have calmed down enough and have some real words to say when you talk to Julia.”

“I’ll never match up to her. She’s out of my league anyways,” Tae said, shaking his head.

“Damn straight she’s out of your league. But instead of making that an excuse to stay away, maybe be with her and be thankful for it every damn day that you’re together.”

“I don’t know . . .”

“Well, you keep doubting yourself and taking your own sweet time. I’m sure after Julia’s moved on with her life, you’ll easily find someone to replace the void. No problem.” Min’s voice dripped with sarcasm. Asshole.

He knew what Min was saying made sense. But he just couldn’t see how it could work. “Since when did you become Dr. Phil?”

“I told you, I have a very good therapist.”

“Since when did you decide to become my big brother?”

Min tucked his lips, holding in the frustration he clearly felt. Tae was being a dick on purpose.

“When you stopped trying to be a fucking saint and proved you needed help too.”

Tae glanced over at his brother. Was that what kept him so distant? The fact that he thought Tae never needed help? God, he thought about all the times he needed someone, anyone, to offer a helping hand. He conceded.

“Well, thanks for showing up,” he said.

“Tae, one more thing. Consider this a life lesson from your big brother. Check your sources, verify details, before throwing your life away.”

“Um, thanks?” Tae laughed. “What do you mean by that cryptic message?” Didn’t Julia say something similar as her parting blow before she drove away?

“What I mean is . . . it wasn’t Julia who paid for Dad’s hospital bills.”

Tae’s head jerked up in surprise. “What? How do you know that?”

“Because it was me who did.”

29
Time

Julia

Maybe it should have been a tougher decision. But the more Julia thought about the idea of going to Korea, the more it felt right. And the timing couldn’t have been better. Or worse, she supposed, depending on what outcome she was hoping for.

It had been a couple weeks since she’d last seen Tae from the rearview mirror of her car. She ached to reach out to him, but she had so many conflicting emotions about everything that had transpired. He was angry, and that anger disturbed her. He had been mean, and that pissed her off. He’d accused her of something she hadn’t done without giving her a chance to explain. And, oh yeah, he colluded with her grandmother behind her back. That was a blow.

Any one thing could have been a deal-breaker. But oddly, all of them together added up to something clearly not being right with Tae. He was overwhelmed, stressed, buckling under the pressure. And he ended up pushing her away, hard.

More than anything, Julia hoped he would get the help that he needed. And if, at some point, he wanted to talk to her, she’d be there. Or she’d be in Korea. But she’d make herself available.

She couldn’t put her life on hold. She had to move forward. So she did . . . right through the door of her parents’ house.

“I’m home,” she said.

Julia’s dad peeked his head around the corner. “Julia, we didn’t know you were coming. Isn’t it work time?” he asked.

“I took today off to get some errands done and to come see you. Are Umma and Halmoni home too?”

“Yes, yes, everyone’s home,” he said, turning back around to watch the television. “Yeobo, Julia is here,” he screamed in the direction of no one, but clearly hoping her mother would hear him.

Julia walked in the kitchen. It was empty. She looked out to the backyard. No one. This was odd.

She made her way to the other side of the house to her grandmother’s room. The door was closed but slightly ajar. She peeked in and saw her halmoni and her mom sitting together on the floor, heads lowered, looking at something in her grandmother’s hands.

“It’s so beautiful. I can’t believe you still have it and you never told me,” she heard her mother say.

“I didn’t want you to ask for it,” her grandmother responded.

“I wouldn’t ask. I just would expect you to give it to me.”

“See? That’s why I didn’t show you. You’re not even my oldest son’s wife. Why should you get it?”

Julia tried to open the door a little farther to see what they were talking about. All she could make out was a small silk pouch. Interesting. Julia wondered what was inside.

“Anyways, I think it’s a great idea. I don’t know how Julia will feel about your methods, but in the end, I hope it all works. It would be so wonderful,” her mother said, clasping her hands at her chest.

That was Julia’s cue. She needed to get to the bottom of this. She needed to get to the bottom of a lot of things.

“What are you two up to in here?” she asked as she pushed the door open.

They both jumped a little where they sat.

“Julia, you nearly gave me a heart attack,” her grandmother said.

Julia narrowed her eyes. “Nice try, Grandma. But fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice—”

“What shame? Julia, what did you do?” her mother asked, eyes wide in panic.

“Nothing, Mom. It’s just a saying. A figure of speech to say that I won’t fall for Halmoni’s really shitty guilt trip again. I can’t believe you led me to believe the doctor gave you bad news. What did she really say, Grandma?”

“She said I had dancing breasts.”

“You have what?” Julia tried to make sense of what her grandma was saying.

“The doctor said because I have dancing breasts, it’s harder to determine what they’re seeing from the pictures. So she massaged my boob for a while, and apparently it was nothing to be concerned about.”

“Wait, do you mean dense breasts?”

“Dense breasts?”

“It means—oh, never mind. So she did the ultrasound, and everything was okay? Why did you lead me to believe that it might not be? Halmoni, you lied to me and then tricked me. How is that okay?”

Her grandmother waved her hand in the air. “It’s not that big of a deal, Julia. I was just trying to do what’s best for you.”

“Was scaring me about your health best for me? Was tricking me and losing my trust best for me? Were three epically bad dates best for me?”

“Who cares about the dates? That’s not what this was about,” her grandmother said, though she managed to look at least a little bit guilty for her treachery.

“What are you talking about?” Julia asked. Wasn’t this whole dying wish specifically for Julia to get set up on these dates and find love?

“It was about finding out what you want,” her grandmother said as if reading Julia’s thoughts.

“Were you in on this too?” Julia looked to her mother, pointing a finger.

Her mother shook her head. “No, no. I wanted you to marry the doctor.”

Julia groaned. Her mother was so predictable.

“But I’m not upset about how it’s turned out. The alternative is much better,” her mom said, exchanging a look with her grandmother. Her grandmother tried to sneak the small silk pouch they’d been looking at into her pocket.

“What is that?” Julia asked.

“Have you and Tae stopped arguing?” her grandmother asked, dropping a bomb, changing the subject.

Julia whipped her head up to meet her eyes. The mere mention of his name felt like a punch to the gut. Julia had to steady herself, letting out a deep breath. “How did you know about that? You know what? Don’t tell me. I don’t even want to know. But speaking of Tae, seriously Halmoni, you hired him to date me? How could you? I’m humiliated.”

“Julia, you’re not the easiest person to impress. You can be quite judgmental.” Julia’s jaw dropped open at her mother’s words. Her mom shrugged a shoulder. “Tae is a very patient man. And he’s the type of man who has the inner strength to be a good partner to a strong woman. But you might never have given him a chance. It was a good idea,” her mom said. “When Halmoni told me what she’d done, I was almost disappointed I didn’t come up with the idea myself.”

“Well, too bad it didn’t work out. I didn’t end up with any of them, none of the setups and—” Julia swallowed hard “—and not Tae.”

“Well, it’s not like I wasted any money. Tae never actually agreed to the job.”

“What do you mean? He and I went on dates. We spent time together. We—” Julia stopped herself before she shared too much.

“Tae did that because he wanted to help you, Julia. And he continued to do it because he wanted to spend time with you. And who says it didn’t work? You and Tae will each stop being so prideful, you will each deal with your baggage, and then you’ll find your way to each other.” Halmoni closed her eyes and nodded to herself, clearly pretty impressed with her own words. As if she was some Korean Yoda or something.

Julia played back what her grandmother had just said.

“Wait, what do you mean find our way to each other? Don’t tell me your plan was for me and Tae all along? I thought you wanted Tae to date me because of his magical power to ensure marriage with the next boyfriend.” Julia couldn’t believe it. Her grandmother, her mother even, wanted her to be with Tae? Which meant she’d let her grandmother down again. “Halmoni—” Julia started.

“Why would I want you to marry a next boyfriend if you already found the right one in Tae?” her grandmother challenged, as if it was obvious.

Julia didn’t find anything obvious in her grandmother’s plan.

“Julia.” Her mother reached for her hand. “Come sit down for a minute with us. Let’s talk comfortably.”

Julia took a seat on the floor next to the two most important women in her life. She held on to her mom’s hand, and to her surprise, her grandmother grabbed Julia’s other one.

“Julia, I was a very pretty girl when I was younger. The prettiest in our neighborhood in Daegu,” her mom began.

“You weren’t that pretty. Sun-Yong Lee was prettier. But you were second-prettiest,” her grandmother said.

Her mom ignored her. “All the boys wanted to marry me. But do you know why I chose your dad as the lucky one?”

Julia shook her head. She’d never heard this story.

“He wasn’t the tallest or the most successful or the smartest. But when he smiled, his eyes sparkled. And each time, that sparkle would capture a little bit of my heart, until I realized he’d claimed the whole of it. And when it was time to ask me if I would accept him, he said that he would work hard his whole life to make sure my eyes would sparkle with joy forever. And you know what? They do.”

Tears formed in Julia’s eyes. Damn, her dad was a romantic.

“What Halmoni was doing when she asked for Tae’s help was bringing sparkle into your life. I didn’t realize. I’ve always liked Tae but never saw him as someone you’d like. Maybe I didn’t consider him because on paper he didn’t seem like the best at anything. But your halmoni saw it, she knew. Tae is smart, and he’s successful in his own right—”

“And tall. Don’t forget tall,” her grandmother added.

“Yes, he’s tall too. But, most importantly, Tae’s strength is his heart. Why wouldn’t we want the man that could love the fullest for our daughter? You have so much to give to someone who can handle it all.”

Julia didn’t know if the vise grip in her chest was because she was so touched or because she was so very sad that it didn’t work out. Whatever the reason, it hurt.

At the end, even Tae couldn’t handle all of Julia.

“But you gave up your career to marry Dad. And you,” she said, looking to her grandmother, “did the same to marry Grandfather. They loved you, but each wanted you to give up a part of yourself to be with them. I don’t want to give up who I am just to make a man happy. I don’t want to be with someone that can’t handle all of me.” This was the truth that this season of dating had solidified in Julia’s mind and in her heart. She shouldn’t have to give up anything about herself, and she was determined not to, without apology.

“Nonsense. I hated working in that apothecary. You smelled how bad the herbalist’s store was. Imagine having that smell coming out of every nook and cranny of your body, being around it all day. Miserable, I was. Happy to go live on a farm with your grandfather, I be.”

Wait, maybe her grandmother actually was the Korean Yoda.

“It wasn’t a hard choice for me either, Julia. Your dad wanted to come to America. To do so, we both made sacrifices. Together we decided how we would make a living and build our family and lives here. Whatever I gave up, I didn’t do it for him. I did it with him.”

Julia couldn’t believe how she’d misunderstood it all. Maybe completely misunderstood what love meant.

Julia looked to her grandmother, the stoic woman who very rarely wore emotion on her face. Her grandmother squeezed her hand.

“Wait and see, Julia. The timing wasn’t right. You and Tae each have things you need to do. But wait and see,” Halmoni said.

Julia swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. Maybe she could wait and see. Wasn’t Tae worth it? Wasn’t she? She wasn’t sure how this would all end up, but nothing was gonna solve itself today.

And speaking of things she needed to do . . .

“Can you both come outside to the family room where Dad is? I have some news.”

Well, it was her own fault.

After telling her family she’d be going to Korea, Julia suddenly wanted her mom to make doenjang-jjigae for dinner, and they didn’t have any of the fermented soy paste needed. She told her mom she could make something else, but her mother was so shocked Julia was craving something she’d never really wanted in the past that she insisted Julia go to H Mart to pick some up. Damn these new adventurous taste buds.

There were days when H Mart felt like a treat, and she loved going up and down the aisles picking out random things she’d want to eat, especially the candy and cookies aisle. But not Wednesday afternoons. On Wednesdays, H Mart dropped their sale items for the week and the place was a zoo, filled with people fighting over ridiculously inexpensive produce or boxes of canned iced coffee.

Julia made her way to the aisle with all the various brands of doenjang and looked for the brown container her mom described. She stopped and stared. There were at least thirty different kinds, and they were all labeled in Korean.

“Shit,” she said. Were they really all that different? Maybe it just wouldn’t matter. Julia reached for the nearest one when a hand reached over hers for a container on the shelf above it.

“This one’s better. It’s the one your mom uses.”

Julia froze midgrab. She turned slowly and let her eyes roam every inch of Tae Kim standing there. It was as if she’d spent a lifetime away from him. Her entire body ached to reach out.

Tae dropped the doenjang into her basket. “Hey, Jules,” he said, lowering his eyes, tapping his foot nervously.

“Hi, Tae,” she said in an almost whisper.

“Fancy meeting you here . . . in the fermented foods aisle. Feels almost appropriate.” He laughed. It sounded sad. It hurt to hear.

“How’ve you been?” she asked.

“Oh, you know, beating myself up over having been a complete dick to you. Turns out Min paid for my dad’s hospital bill. And also turns out I’ve been a bit of an asshole to everyone these days, so it’s good to know I’m equal opportunity and didn’t take it out on just you.”

His shoulders were slouched and his shirt wrinkled. He needed a haircut. And he hid the bags under his eyes with his glasses. She’d take no pleasure in making him feel bad. It’s not what she wanted.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I’m figuring some stuff out. I know I’ve been saying that for months. But this time I mean it. Which is exactly what someone making excuses would say.”

“Hey, I’m glad you’re figuring stuff out. And I know you’ll get there,” she said. Without thinking, she reached her hand out to touch him, comfort him, but stopped herself midway.

His eyes followed the movement, staring, as if willing her hand to keep going, to reach all the way until it met his.

Julia lowered her hand and let it drop to her side.

Tae closed his eyes, but he couldn’t hide his pained expression.

“Julia, I’m so sorry. I’m just so fucking sorry. I never, ever will forgive myself for how I talked to you. For accusing you. For being angry at you. For taking shit out on you. For betraying you.”

This time, Julia didn’t hesitate, reaching her hand all the way. She grabbed Tae’s forearm and squeezed to get his attention, to get him out of this dark place in his head. “Tae, it’s okay. I’m not mad. I’m not hurt, not anymore. I understand. You’ve been going through a lot, and it got to be too much. You were carrying everyone’s burden, and you were getting crushed by it. It was just a matter of time before it became too much for you.”

Tae’s Adam’s apple bobbed. She wanted to memorize every movement of his body and save the memories for when she’d allow herself to sneak thoughts of him in her mind. She couldn’t stay here any longer. It hurt too much.

“I should go,” she said, letting out a heavy sigh.

He nodded, not raising his eyes to look at her, as if he couldn’t watch her walk away.

“Tae, we just both need some space. We need to work on ourselves. And then, maybe, we can see what happens. Let’s just wait and see,” she said, repeating her grandmother’s words.

“Yeah, you’re right. Wait and see,” he repeated unconvincingly.

“I should go,” she said again. It took every bit of power within her to turn around and walk away.

“Julia?”

She stopped in her tracks but didn’t look back. “Yeah?”

“While we’re waiting and seeing, can I call you from time to time? Just to check in?” The quiver in his voice was undeniable. She hated that the man with whom everything had been so good, so easy, was now scared to even reach out through a phone call. But she wouldn’t be able to handle staying in touch with Tae, not without being able to actually touch him.

She turned her head back toward him. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea right now, Tae.”

“Right, yeah, you’re right, bad idea . . .”

“Tae.” She stopped him from his rambling.

“Yeah, Jules?” He finally lifted his eyes to meet hers.

She wanted to give in. She wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around him. She wanted to tell him they’d figure this all out together.

She didn’t want to hurt him.

“I need time,” she admitted. She had to start being honest with herself about what she wanted, what she needed. No other voices. She had to do that on her own.

He dropped his eyes, swallowed, and nodded his head. “Time,” he said, letting out a deep breath. “Okay, Jules. I can give you that. I owe you that.”

Tears welled in her eyes.

“Take care of yourself, Tae,” Julia said as she turned and walked away, leaving the pieces of her heart scattered on the floor of her local H Mart.

30
The Most Valuable Thing

Tae

After weeks of basically not leaving his room, weeks of beating himself up over blaming Julia for something she hadn’t done, weeks of berating himself for getting angry at everyone, Tae finally picked up the phone.

He needed help.

Tae could finally admit he wasn’t able to process on his own everything he’d been feeling. He could finally surrender to the fact that therapy could help. And he finally fought through the dark clouds looming over him and mustered the energy to actually dial the number Min had texted him, a therapist that Min had recommended. She would see Tae even though he didn’t have insurance. He could pay her session by session.

Min offered to help.

Tae must have been in really rough shape for his brother to keep coming through like this.

“Taehyung-ah, make sure you save space in your luggage for the food I packed,” his mom called out from the kitchen.

Tae closed his eyes and smiled. She probably had ten containers lined with plastic wrap, sealed and then tied in plastic grocery bags, ready for him to take back to Chicago. Food enough for a month. Never mind that he was only going to be there for a week—and that there were restaurants in every other building on his block.

“Mom, just keep in mind that I don’t have much room,” he called back. He hadn’t planned on bringing anything other than his small duffel bag.

“Oh, okay. Don’t worry, then. I’ll put it all in a separate suitcase for you,” she said.

“Seriously, I don’t need another suitcase.” He looked up to see his mom standing in the doorway at the top of the stairs, holding a wooden spoon in her hand.

“Tae, just take it. Fill the refrigerator,” she said.

He wasn’t going to argue and remind her that he was moving his stuff out of the apartment. His roommates would likely appreciate all the home-cooked food anyways. “Okay, fine. I’ll take a separate bag.”

“And don’t forget to bring back all the containers.”

“Yes, Umma.”

Tae had done a lot of thinking. For someone who liked things to be easy, the emotions he’d faced the last few weeks were more than he could handle. Min was right. Therapy would help. He needed perspective, and he needed to talk things out. But first he needed to finally make the decision and cut ties with things from his past. The baggage was too heavy for him to carry around the rest of his life. Tae was ready to say goodbye to Chicago, finalize his separation from his job, and move his stuff out of his apartment. He still had some stuff at Kari’s place, but he decided it best to just consider that a casualty of the breakup and not attempt to get any of it back. He really hoped they could end up friends.

His parents weren’t quite fully healed from their wounds, but they’d be okay without him. He made them swear they’d call him at any time if they needed something. Plus, Min was only thirty minutes away. Tae still felt nervous, but he had to let that go. He had to make space to live his own life too.

Baby steps.

And then there was Julia. He’d ruined any romantic future with her beyond repair. And that was the emotion he had the hardest time dealing with. Regret. And loss. He’d lost—no, he’d pushed away—the woman that he loved. But what he hated the most was just when she’d so firmly rooted herself into his life, he’d pushed her out. She was gone. And he missed her so much.

Running into her at the market felt equally like a knife to his chest and a healing balm to his heart. His fingers itched to touch her, his arms longed to hold her, his ears desperate to hear her laugh. He wanted her to tell him it would all be okay. And he wanted to believe it.

But what he had hoped was destiny for the two of them, friends since childhood, meeting again as adults, and falling in love through a series of bad dates with other men, might have made for a successful Netflix rom-com but didn’t end up being in the cards for them in real life. Would there be another chance for them? Maybe. He wouldn’t push, though. They both needed time to figure their own stuff out. Wait and see, as she had said.

“Are you finished packing?” Tae’s dad brought him out of his thoughts. He passed Tae a beer and patted him on the back. He took a seat at the edge of Tae’s bed. It was weird seeing his dad in his space. His parents didn’t come down here often, trying to respect Tae’s need for some privacy.

His dad patted the spot beside him, and Tae came and took a seat.

“Mom’s got a whole other suitcase full of food to pack. But I should be ready to go by tomorrow morning. You still okay to drive me? I can take an Uber.” Tae preferred his parents never drive again. But he couldn’t demand that of them. And his dad was too in love with the used Honda CR-V they’d bought to replace the car totaled by the accident.

“No, no, I can drive you. The Orange County airport isn’t so busy, so I’ll be fine. How are you feeling about returning to Chicago? It will be good to see your friends, no?”

This was new. Tae’s family didn’t talk much about feelings, and he didn’t share details about his life with them too often. He didn’t know how to explain to his dad he didn’t actually have any friends in Chicago. “Sure. But I really just want to take care of business and come back as quickly as I can,” Tae said.

“You don’t have to worry about me and Mom. We’ll be okay.”

Tae nodded. Easier said than done.

“Tae, I’m so proud of who you are,” his dad said out of nowhere, surprising Tae.

Tae swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat. “Um, thanks, Dad? What’s with this sappiness out of the blue?”

“I don’t say it enough is all. I don’t want to risk a day going by that you don’t know it,” his dad said. “And I’m so happy you’ve decided to come home for good. I know I pushed you to move to Chicago originally. You’ve always tried to obey my wishes and do what you thought I wanted. But I wanted to tell you I didn’t suggest you move and take a new job because I wanted better for you. I just thought maybe you might want something bigger for yourself. I didn’t realize it would end up making you feel smaller on the inside.”

Tae tried to steady himself, his emotions threatening to erupt out of him. Relief that his dad was letting him off the hook. Frustration that they hadn’t had this conversation before he’d left for Chicago. He hadn’t realized how painful it had been living a life he never wanted in order to make someone else happy. Hearing his father’s side of it all released something inside of him. Tae felt like he could take a deep breath for the first time in a long time.

“It’s okay, Dad. It was a good learning experience. I’m just happy to have come to the realization that I’m happier here, close to you and Mom, helping everyone in the community.”

“You’ve sacrificed so much for this family. Maybe too much, too much of yourself.”

Whew, they were going to have this talk right now. Tae wasn’t sure he was ready.

“No, Dad, I don’t see it as a sacrifice. I’m here because I want to be,” Tae tried to explain.

“I’m glad, son. I’m glad you’re here. But even here, you have to live your own life. And you have to let Mom and me live ours too.”

Tae wanted to disagree. He wanted to accuse his dad of not being able to take care of himself. But he wanted what his dad was saying to be true too. Tae wanted to build his own life and not just make it about taking care of others at the cost of taking care of himself.

He wanted to do things that made him happy. He wanted to be in love. He wanted to feel like he had a life of his own. What was stopping him?

His father stood up and looked down at Tae. In this moment, Tae felt like he was a kid again, looking up to his dad, waiting to be told what to do.

“Son, no one expects you to be perfect. We don’t need that. We just want you . . . happy, settled.” He put one hand on Tae’s shoulder and, with the other one, held up his beer bottle toward his son.

Tae smiled. “Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it. Cheers.” Tae’s bottle met his dad’s, and then he took a pull. He had a lot to think about. But first, he had to focus on working on himself.

As his dad made his way gingerly back up the stairs, Tae grabbed his laptop and opened his email. He hit Reply to the one from Jess Kim from Starlight. With everything going on the last few weeks, Tae hadn’t had a chance to even consider the work she’d asked if he’d be available to do.

Hey Jess,

Thanks again for your message. And thanks for thinking of me to do this project with your store layouts. Unfortunately, I’m a little stretched at the moment and don’t think I’ll be able to take on extra work. Please feel free to ping me if you just need an extra set of eyes or an outside opinion on something. I’m always available for a quick consult.

This was right. Though the opportunity excited Tae, he had other stuff to work on, to keep him busy. He liked being needed, and he wanted the work. But this was just too big a responsibility right now and had the potential to overwhelm other parts of his life. Plus, well, he didn’t think seeing Julia regularly at the office would be easy on either of them.

“Taehyung-ah, come upstairs. You have a visitor.”

Tae’s heart stopped.

Julia?

She had bigger balls than he did. Maybe a couple days was all the time she’d needed. He smiled. Why wasn’t he surprised?

Tae took a quick look in the mirror and patted down his hair. He sniffed his armpits. Clean. Looked at his teeth. Clear. He held back from running and taking the stairs two at a time. He was chill, the epitome of relaxed. He tripped on the final step and fell through the door, landing on his hands and knees. When he looked up to see her sitting on the sofa, he scrambled to his feet.

“Oh. Annyeonghaseyo,” he said with a bow. Not Julia, but her grandmother. Halmoni. The tiny elder was a force, and her presence took up the whole room.

“Come sit down,” she said.

Tae’s mom left for the kitchen to make them some tea, leaving them alone. Tae wasn’t sure what shook harder, his hands or his knees. He sat in a chair across from her and tried to smile. She did not smile in return. It reminded him of the first time she spoke to him about the job proposal. He should have held his ground then. He shouldn’t have felt guilty about saying no. He should have made it clear so that there wouldn’t, couldn’t, be a misunderstanding later down the line. He should never have put himself, or Julia even, in that position. Halmoni continued to stare at him. Was she upset that he’d failed at the job? Was she pissed that he hurt Julia? He would promise to make it right as soon as he could.

The silence was killing him.

“Taehyung, do you know why I asked you to help my Julia?”

Tae nodded. “Yes, because she agreed to be set up by the family. So you wanted her to maybe date someone nonthreatening that would make her feel comfortable to eventually go on the dates the family chose.”

She shook her head. “If that was the only reason, I could have asked anyone—your brother, Min, the manager at H Mart, her cousin Justin.”

Tae scrunched his face and tried not to take offense on Julia’s behalf at the lack of options her grandmother could have had him practice-date with her.

“No, I asked you for a very specific reason.”

Silence.

Tae waited, head bowed. He would take whatever harsh words of punishment she had prepared for him. More silence.

Nothing.

He looked up to find Halmoni’s eyes closed, her breath even, followed by a low rumble from her nose. A snore?

Wait, did she fall asleep? Had she had some champagne before coming over? She really could sleep anywhere. Impressive.

“Um, Halmoni?”

Snore.

Should he just wait? But who knew how long it could be before she woke up? Tae reached over to give her a little shake.

She woke suddenly as if startled out of a dream. She fixed her eyes on Tae and spoke as if her little nap never happened. “Tae, did you take time to think about it?”

“Why you asked me to help Julia?” Guess she was just going to take a nap while he came up with an answer. “Well, I suppose that maybe you believe that the rumors are true. Did you think that after dating me, Julia would find the man she was going to marry?”

“Oh, I’m quite confident she will.”

She pulled a small silk pouch from of her apron pocket and held it out to Tae. “I know you said you didn’t want anything, but I insist. It’s payment for the job.”

Tae wasn’t sure what was inside. A rolled wad of cash? Gold? Historic coins from Old Korea? He shook his hand, refusing to receive it. “No, Halmoni. I’m sorry, but as I told you before, I can’t take your money. I don’t want it. It’s not right.” He knew it would be hard to reject the payment. Koreans were stubborn about these things. But he had to. There was no way he was doing this to Julia. He couldn’t. If he ever wanted her trust back again, if he ever wanted her in his life in some meaningful way again, he couldn’t do it. It was the only true apology he could give her.

Grandma Song looked him in the eye, nodded, and placed the pouch down on the table between them. “Tae, you are not tall, smart, or successful.”

Tae was five ten; it wasn’t like he was a hobbit. But fine, he’d take the hit. “You’re right, Halmoni.”

“Not in the way that people see these things. But really,” she said as she leaned in toward him, “you stand taller than anyone because of your honor. You are the smartest because you built a reputation for being good. You are successful at caring for others and showing loyalty. There is no one more suited for and worthy of my Julia.”

Tae swallowed down the surprising emotion brewing within him. He’d been near tears more times today than he had in a long time. He didn’t realize she saw him this way. It was an honor. But if she knew how he’d treated Julia, how unworthy he’d been, she wouldn’t be saying these things.

“Julia is not easy. Some people may think she’s intimidating . . . too honest, too stubborn, too much. She may even think this of herself.”

Tae fisted his hands, digging his nails into his palms. Shame. He knew how those words hurt Julia, and he’d used them anyways.

“What do you think, Tae?”

Tae didn’t even have to think about it. He didn’t have to look up and wonder what her grandmother expected him to say. He knew in his heart exactly what he thought. “It’s everything that makes her so special, Halmoni.”

She leaned back in her seat, put her hands on her knees, and slowly rose to her feet.

Tae stood as well.

“Exactly. And this is why I chose you,” she said. “You love her for everything that she is. You wouldn’t want her to be anything less. You understand her deep loyalty to her family and encourage her to take care of us. I chose you to show Julia that she is worthy to be loved. And you did that, just like I knew you would.” She looked down at the pouch. “Keep this. You’re going to need it one day, when the time is right. I insist. It’s the most valuable thing I have in this life . . . other than Julia. But it’s no longer mine. It belongs to you. Now, I must go home and sleep.”

Tae wanted to refuse. He wanted to give it back to her. He didn’t want her treasures. He didn’t want her wad of cash or her gold or her coins. He would save it and give it to Julia when he saw her next. This should stay with her. Because, really, the only thing of value that Tae wanted . . .

. . . was Julia herself.

31
Cake

Julia

“I’m gonna miss you so much. What will I do without you?” Sonia hugged Julia tight.

“You promised that you’d FaceTime in for Sunday brunches,” Rachel reminded her.

“I promise. It’ll be Monday afternoons for me and perfect timing. And I’ll only be in Korea for six months. You’ll barely even notice I’m gone before I’m back.”

“What, did you suddenly get injected with a cheer serum to prepare for Korea?” Rachel asked. Rachel hated cheer.

Julia grabbed her and kissed her on the cheek. “I know you’re happy for me.”

“I am happy for you. You’re making big moves. And you’re doing them on your own terms. You don’t need a big, huge company and their big, huge money and their big, huge opportunity and that big, huge man—”

Sonia quickly covered Rachel’s mouth with her hand. “We’re in Julia’s parents’ home, for God’s sake!”

Julia was going to miss them, miss this so much. She’d considered everything Andrew Lim and Hansuk Holdings had offered her and her company. But Julia didn’t feel entirely comfortable giving up control of Starlight. Andrew was right about one thing, though: she had to learn the Korean market before deciding what was next for them. So Julia decided to go spend some time there on her own. Six months to entrench herself in the market and learn as much as she could. She figured it could only help her and Starlight in the long run, whether they decided to go global or not.

Andrew, to his credit, was incredibly supportive, and Julia hoped she’d made a friend in this industry through their interactions. He was a good person to have in her corner.

“How are you feeling about everything?” Sonia asked.

Julia took a second to think about it. “I’m excited, for sure. And I’ve been thinking about getting out to Korea for a while now. Doing it on my own terms feels right. But honestly? I’m nervous too. Running Starlight remotely will be challenging, though I have a great team to support me. And experiencing Korea firsthand, not just through a TV screen or through Korean products, that’s gonna be new.”

“See all the sights. Buy all the things. Eat all the food. Have all the sex,” Rachel encouraged Julia.

“Rachel,” Sonia gasped.

“What? You want Julia to be celibate the whole time she’s there? That’s six months. How will she survive?” Rachel asked.

“Um, hate to break it to you, Rachel, but I’ve survived six-month stretches without sex before,” Julia confessed.

Rachel’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. Clearly, this was unfathomable to her. She opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out.

“Don’t worry. I’m taking Bob with me,” Julia said.

“Yeah, it’s unclear if Korea is as advanced in sex-toy technology as it is in other areas, so it’s good to bring your own trusted resource,” Sonia said.

Julia just shook her head. Per usual, all roads led back to the battery operated boyfriend.

“But there will be so many men to choose from out there,” Rachel whined.

Julia shrugged. She wasn’t ready to be dating or thinking of other men just yet. She’d let herself off the hook with feeling less-than, for feeling a failure by being single and unattached. The setups might not have gone as well as she’d hoped. But she didn’t place the blame all on herself. Chemistry didn’t just happen because someone wanted it to. It happened when it was right. And she could wait for that. She still wanted a relationship and a partner. But she wasn’t going to rush it or let other people’s expectations force her into it. She was okay with going to Korea to date herself for a while, as weird as that sounded.

“Don’t listen to her, Julia,” Sonia said, grabbing Julia’s arm. “Now, more importantly, do you have my shopping wish list tucked away somewhere you won’t lose it?”

Julia laughed and kissed Sonia on the top of her head. “Yup, and I’ll make sure to pick up everything on those . . . ten pages, was it?”

“Julia, girls. Come, come. It’s cake time,” Julia’s dad said enthusiastically. “We have to celebrate our Julia’s big trip. Watch out, Korea! The CEO of Starlight is on her way.” Her parents were thrilled for her to go to Korea. One because they were going to come and visit her in a couple months. Neither of them had been back to the motherland in decades. Julia was so excited for them to explore how much Korea had grown. She was excited for herself as well. And the second reason her parents were so pumped for her? Well, after three failed setups, they’d promised to never pressure her again about her love life. But she’d overheard her mom talking to her aunts about all the eligible bachelors in Korea. If she heard correctly, her mother had likened it to a buffet, which honestly made Julia a little queasy. Great. Her mother just really couldn’t help herself.

Looked like Julia would have to disappoint both Rachel and her mom. Oh well.

“Now, before we cut the cake, I want to tell you, Julia, how proud I am of you. You are an incredible young woman, smart, savvy, strong, successful. I raised you to take the most out of life, not to be small, but to make a big impact. And that’s exactly what I’m most proud of, that you’re able to make the best of every situation and opportunity, like this one in front of you. We’re so excited for what’s in store for you in Korea.”

She smiled, and the tears flowed. “Thanks, Dad.”

The doorbell rang, and Julia’s heart stopped.

Of all the people that mattered to Julia the most, the one that was not here was Tae. She’d sat in front of her email or phone numerous times, wanting to type out something, anything. Her fingers just wouldn’t move. And they’d agreed to give each other time and space.

He’d kept that promise to her.

Still, Julia knew Tae’s ear was connected to the Korean Gossip Network. So he had to know that she was leaving for Korea.

“I’ll get it,” she said, willing herself to slowly walk, not run, to the door. She took a deep breath, straightened her posture, and opened it.

“Hi.”

“Oh, hi. What are you doing here?” Julia shook her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s so good to see you. Wanna come in?”

Jisoo Kang entered Julia’s house like she’d done hundreds of times in the past growing up. She was in hospital scrubs with her hair tied back, a stark contrast to how Julia had seen her last time in Starlight’s Product Closet. It hit her then. Jisoo was a badass doctor, and Julia could think of few things cooler than that. Why had they let all the comparisons put on them by other people cause this rift between them?

“Here,” Jisoo said, holding out a small bag. “I put together a little care package for the flight. It’s small so should fit in your carry-on. Just some snacks and fuzzy socks and a deck of cards. Silly stuff.”

Julia stared down at the gift bag. It was one of those unexpected moments that bore with it so much more weight than one ever expected. She was incredibly touched. “Thank you. That’s so nice,” she said and meant it.

“I just wanted to stop by and see you off. This sounds like a really amazing opportunity. Not gonna lie, I’m so jealous. I haven’t been to Korea in forever.”

“Yeah, me neither.” Julia suddenly lifted her eyes just as Jisoo lifted hers, and realization hit them both. “Wait, the last time either of us was in Korea was when we went together when we were ten?”

Jisoo’s eyes widened in surprise. “I guess so. Wow, that’s crazy. That was a fun summer, though. I don’t know why I’m always surprised so much of our lives are intertwined with each other. I feel like there are very few memories I have that don’t include you.”

Again, Julia wondered why they’d grown apart.

“I also thought I should tell you—” Jisoo cleared her throat before continuing “—that I broke off my engagement.”

“Really? Oh my gosh, what happened? Um, are you okay?” Julia wasn’t sure why Jisoo chose to tell her, but she worried about her, nonetheless. They’d both been in the dating trenches, but Jisoo had made it out. Now she was pulled back in. It couldn’t be easy on her.

“Yeah, actually,” she sighed as she nodded, “I am. I was never supposed to marry Eric. I can’t say that I ever really loved him. Or, at least, I never gave myself time to find out if I could. We rushed into it. I think I just let the pressure and expectation get to me, ya know? And I convinced myself that he was right. When I honestly knew all along he wasn’t.”

Julia wondered if she’d ever been at risk of crossing that line. Though, no one she’d ever dated felt anywhere near close to being The One.

Except for Tae. And they’d never really defined their relationship. Had they even been dating?

“Well, I’m sorry. But I’m glad you figured it out before you actually got married.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo said and smiled, “me too.”

“I’m sure your parents looped you in, but if it makes you feel any better, my setups were all failures.”

“It does, thanks. They were destined to be flops from the start.”

She furrowed her brow and glared at Jisoo. Well, that was rude. Jisoo had no faith in Julia’s dating abilities either. Great.

Jisoo’s smile was huge. “Just being honest. It’s nice not being the only single one left. And I didn’t mean they were flops because of you. I meant, well, because of you and Tae. I saw you two together, remember? I knew it right away. Nobody else stood a chance.”

“How did you know . . .” Julia furrowed her brow as she let the question trail off. She and Tae weren’t together long enough for anyone to know, really. There wasn’t anything noteworthy to know.

Jisoo shrugged. “There was just something between you two, something obvious.”

“Really? I don’t know, that surprises me. But in the end, that didn’t work out either. The me-and-Tae thing.”

“Oh? I didn’t realize you two had started . . .”

“We didn’t really, I guess.” Julia shook it off. “Anyways, we’re not really talking now. Giving each other some time and space.”

“Seriously? Time and space. Huh, sounds . . . nebulous. That’s too bad. Hey, Julia?”

“Yeah?” Julia replied.

“Remember when we were in middle school, and we accidentally knocked over that big candle in the church sanctuary and it burned down the whole altar? And Tae didn’t talk to us for two weeks and you were mad at him for being mad at us? And it turned out that he was grounded because he took the blame for it so we wouldn’t get in trouble and wasn’t mad at us after all?” Jisoo detailed out the contents of her entire memory bank.

“Um, that’s not how I remember it at all. In fact, I was mad at you because you were the one who was trying to steal some of the communion wafers under the altar and knocked over the candle that set the place aflame and got us in trouble in the first place, and I didn’t talk to Tae because I was the one who was grounded . . . because of you,” Julia corrected her.

“You were mad at me?”

“You’re an arsonist!”

“But I just broke off an engagement!”

“What does that have anything to do with anything?”

The two of them stared at each . . . and burst out laughing. Julia laughed so hard she doubled over, grabbing her stomach. She couldn’t breathe. Jisoo wiped tears daintily away from her eyes.

“You should talk to him,” Jisoo finally said as their laughter died down. “The point I’m trying to make is I think you guys have a lot to say to each other. And, well, it would suck if you both left without clearing the air.”

Both left? Was Tae going somewhere?

“He’s going back to Chicago,” Jisoo answered the question Julia was too afraid to ask.

Her heart stopped. He was leaving. Going back to a life that had made him miserable. But why? Was it because of Julia? She felt the ache everywhere, her chest, her lungs, her stomach.

Julia needed to stop obsessing over everything she heard about Tae. She was worried about how codependent she felt. Time away in Korea was going to be good for her. She needed to start focusing on herself.

And she had to trust Tae to make his own life’s decisions.

“Oh.” It was all Julia could get out from within the jumbled mess of her brain.

Jisoo reached out and squeezed Julia’s hand. “Talk to him,” she said in her doctor voice.

Julia would. Talk to him. At some point. But right now, she wanted to focus on herself. Her life’s worth wasn’t dependent on whether she was dateable or not. It wasn’t dependent on whether her company sold in Korea or not. What mattered was that she was living for the bar she’d set for herself. Not what others set for her. Julia was going to make her thirties the best ever. Let all the other chips fall where they might.

She smiled and shrugged. “Good talk, Jisoo. Thanks for the walk down memory lane. And thanks for the advice. I’ll store it away for the next time I actually ask for it.” Julia couldn’t help herself.

“You do you,” Jisoo shot back. “At least if we’re both single, I won’t get so much shit for it.”

The two of them smiled at each other. Julia meant hers. She thought Jisoo did too. Frenemies indeed.

“Wanna stay for some cake?” Julia asked.

“Absolutely,” Jisoo answered.

32
Like Coming Home

Julia

Julia didn’t care that it was a tourist trap. Namsan Tower had become one of her favorite places in Seoul. She loved the variety of cute cafés. She lived for the hustle and bustle of the street markets. She drew energy from people- and style-watching around the universities. But Namsan Tower, with its glorious view high above the city, was her little bit of peace in normally busy days. It was here she could come to get perspective.

The past months in Korea had been a gift. Julia was learning how to feel more at ease in crowds. She took chances and tried new kinds of food. She practiced improving her Korean, which required her to listen more and talk less. And she found when she did this, she could appreciate things more deeply than on the surface level. She no longer felt like an outsider who’d lost her ticket into her culture. She felt like someone coming to appreciate the parts that made her who she was and the parts that were very different from the person she, as a Korean American, had grown up to be.

And best of all, she was finding out how much she liked being her own company. She’d always had her close friends, her nosy family, her supportive coworkers around her. And she hadn’t written off one day wanting a partner, a relationship. But in Korea, Julia enjoyed time alone, processing and appreciating everything that happened in a day. She’d felt more herself than ever before.

Julia thought back to Sonia saying she approached life as two versions of herself. It finally made sense to her now. And she was figuring out how to stop compartmentalizing and just be the one true version of Julia Song.

Today’s forecast said rain, but that didn’t bother Julia. It just meant there’d be fewer crowds up at the top of the mountain. She closed her eyes as she rode the cable car up to the tower’s base. She mentally went through all the things she wanted and needed to do today. Review financials for the rest of the year, sign off on the full marketing campaign for the new product launch, test out the new peel-off mask from the popular brand Laneige, call her parents, and grab some veggie dumplings on her way home.

She stepped out of the gondola and began her stroll around the viewing platform. The clouds covered the view of the city but also pushed away a lot of the air pollution. The trade-off was worth it, in her opinion. She took in a deep breath of the crisp air and let it out.

Other than a small group of people examining the love locks that took up almost every inch of the surrounding walls, she was mostly alone. Julia loved the romance of the love locks in theory. Hundreds of padlocks with names of couples vowing to stay together forever written on them. But it also brought a tiny pang of sadness, wondering if their love actually had lasted or if they’d called it quits. Did these couples survive hurt, betrayal, anger, arguments, forgiveness? As she walked past each one, she hoped, as she did every time she came here, that this profession of love between two people meant they’d made it. That their love had survived.

She once witnessed a girl with bolt cutters cut off her lock and throw it over the side of the wall.

Love was unpredictable, she knew all too well.

These were some of the musings Julia had written about in her company emails. She had made it a practice to send out weekly updates to her entire staff during her trip to Korea. What she saw, what she was learning, what she was feeling. She tried to tie each message back to the business. But she didn’t pressure herself to do so. These thoughts, questions, and observations were what made her the person she was, the person that was their CEO.

She encouraged everyone on her team, if possible, to find a way to get here, since the origins of what Starlight was trying to do were birthed in Korean culture. They might not place Korean distribution as the top priority anymore, but there was no denying the influence. She even pressed her human resources department to find a way to help subsidize trips for employees interested in a visit. It was important to her. It was important for them.

Julia felt the first droplet of rain on her cheek. She reached into her bag and looked around for her umbrella, but it wasn’t there. Great, she’d likely left it in the cable car on the way up. Julia looked over toward the exit, but she didn’t want to leave. She could stay a few more minutes. A couple raindrops wouldn’t hurt.

But the rain was impatient today, and as it started to pick up, Julia turned to leave, regretfully cutting her visit short. Just then a hand reached out for her arm to stop her, and suddenly she found herself protected from the rain by an umbrella.

She looked up at the yellow nylon dome now covering her and down to the hand holding the handle.

“Hey.”

The low voice came from behind her. Julia froze, too afraid to turn around, processing everything she could about that one word of greeting. She knew that voice anywhere. She had laughed at that voice, cried at that voice, dropped her panties at that voice. God, Rachel and Sonia were such bad influences. Julia’s heart stopped. What if she was just imagining it?

It couldn’t be.

She closed her eyes, took a breath, and then slowly looked over her shoulder behind her.

There stood Tae Kim looking like the most beautiful creature God had ever made. A superhero. A lead in the most romantic movie of all time.

His face hopeful and uncertain, his expression filled with longing, scared as shit. Gone were the dark circles and look of fatigue in his eyes. He looked good. And good God, did she love him in glasses.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Julia slapped her hand over her mouth.

Tae’s face broke into a smile, one so radiant Julia would have sworn the clouds had spread and let the sunshine through. Forget the rain. Except for the fact that Tae’s hair was currently damp and plastered to his head.

He’d given up his umbrella for Julia. He’d sacrificed himself. Was there a gesture more romantic than this? Had Julia been watching too many K-dramas?

Julia raised her hand and made a motion across her head.

Tae furrowed his brows. “What?”

She did it again. He wasn’t getting it. If he would only just . . . “Push your hair back. That can’t be comfortable having it just drip in your face like that.”

He did as requested, but he took his own sweet time, running his fingers through his hair, pushing it off his face. Julia’s mouth watered at the sight. She knew he was playing it up on purpose by the wicked grin on his face. “Better?”

She nodded.

She could see his face now. But she still couldn’t believe it. What was Tae doing here in Korea? Unannounced visits hadn’t gone well for the two of them in the past.

Tae closed the distance, close enough to her that the umbrella covered them both. She felt sheltered in a cocoon of his presence.

“I knew this was either going to be the most epic romantic gesture, one for the ages, or it was going to be a complete flop.” He looked down, rubbing the back of his neck, suddenly shy, nervous. “But I figured I had to try, right? Also, the others weren’t going to let me off the hook.”

Julia shook her head, not understanding. “The others? Tae, you’ve lost me. And we’ve had these confusing conversations, filled with holes of missing information, before. They didn’t go well.”

“Yeah, sorry. Okay, long story short, I’m here because your family, your friends, your assistant, my folks, hell, even Min all chipped in to get me this plane ticket. I was trying to get here as soon as I could, but,” he said and shrugged, “I wasn’t sure I could come up with the money.”

She nodded. Money, again, doing its best to keep the two of them apart.

“But then, I was handed a gift. One that the old me would have been offended by.”

“A gift?”

“A surprise, likely your grandmother’s idea. I didn’t want charity. I didn’t want to need anyone’s help to do this. But, you see, I’ve been working on myself a lot lately. And one of the things I promised I’d try and do was, well, accept help and support when it’s offered. And there were just a lot of people who love you, and who love me too, apparently, wanting me to see my plan through, to get on a plane and make a big-ass grand gesture to you here. So, yeah, that’s why I’m here.”

“Holy shit, that’s a lot to unpack.”

“No kidding. Family and friends all chipped in.” Tae’s smile spread wide.

“Are you really here? In Korea?”

“I am. Is it okay?” he asked.

“It is.”

The rain was falling harder now, pounding on the umbrella over the two of them. But Julia swore she could still hear how loudly her heart was beating.

“Are you feeling romantic?” he asked.

“I’m feeling soggy,” she answered.

Tae dropped his head and laughed, water dropping with each motion.

“How’d you know I’d be here at Namsan Tower?”

“Well, Annette might have told me that you put hundreds of lovesick tickets to Namsan Tower on your expense report. It’s good to have friends in powerful places.”

“She’s fired . . . again.”

“And I’ve heard through the Korean Gossip Network that you’re having a really great time here. I’m glad. You look really good.”

“Oh my God, is everyone talking about me? No, how embarrassing. Are they taking bets on if I’ll offend everyone here? If I’ll find a husband here? What? Tell me.”

Tae laughed. “I’m kidding, Jules. I’ve been reading your weekly updates to the company.”

Julia raised her eyebrows, and when realization hit, she shook her head. “Jesus, I don’t know who’s worse, my grandmother or Annette.”

“Actually, you can blame your besties for the emails. Sonia forwards them and Rachel makes commentary on all the places she thinks you need me to come experience with you,” Tae admitted.

Great. Everyone was in on it. Julia couldn’t believe that everyone had chipped in to send Tae here, for her. For them. Her heart felt like it might burst.

“What took you so long?” she asked. Maybe she had hoped he’d come sooner. Maybe, in the early days, she had thought to leave to go home and see him.

Or maybe right now was just the right time.

“I had to take care of the shit I was going through. I couldn’t put it on you. I had to deal with it all first. I’m . . . I’m seeing someone . . .”

Julia processed the words, though they didn’t seem to fit in this grand, romantic gesture moment. He was seeing someone? Julia pulled back and jerked his grip off her. “What?”

“A therapist, Julia. I’m seeing a therapist.”

“Well, good for her. I’m glad she has some fancy job. I hope you two will be very happy.” Julia was furious. She turned to walk away, rain now pelting her in the face. But Tae reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her, dropping the umbrella.

He was laughing so uncontrollably he’d almost lost his grip. Oh, this therapist he was with must make him very happy if the smile on his face was any indication. Julia was pissed. She hated this girl and her important job.

“Julia—” Tae had to almost shout to be heard through the rain “—I’m not dating a therapist. I’m seeing a therapist. You know, therapy? Talking to someone about the shit going through my head and in my life? Helping sort that out?”

It finally clicked in Julia’s head. “Oh,” she said. Tae wasn’t dating someone else. Thank God. “Tae, that is really good news. I’m so happy you decided to do that,” she yelled.

“I needed help. So, yeah.” Tae dipped his head.

Julia was so fucking proud of him. He was the bravest, strongest person she knew.

Hair stuck to their heads, clothes drenched, Julia was freezing. But she didn’t care. None of that mattered. She stepped closer, forcing him to look at her. Water clung to his eyelashes, waiting to drop. “It’s so good, Tae.”

He nodded and let out a sigh of relief. “It is, Jules. And I went back to Chicago and moved all my stuff back home. Finally took care of those loose ends. I’m . . . settled. I feel settled. Jesus, Julia. I told you everyone in the world who loves us sent me here so I could make a Grand Romantic Gesture at the top of Namsan Tower, and you actually thought I was here to tell you I was dating someone else?”

“It’s raining. I was confused,” she said.

He stitched his brows together. He seemed to be the one confused. “You’re a nut.”

The rain kept coming down, but neither of them made a move to leave. The two of them just stood like it was the most normal day of the year, unwilling to leave the circle of confession they’d put around them.

“Bogo shipeoseo,” Julia said.

“I’ve missed you too,” he answered. “God, it’s sexy when you speak Korean.”

Julia’s cheeks heated. She was happy he noticed, since she’d really been making an effort with her Korean. And if Tae found it sexy, it felt even more worth it. “I’m so glad you’re here. I can’t believe it,” she said, shaking her head. She couldn’t stop staring at him. He was here. With her.

“Julia . . .” Tae’s eyes asked if it was okay for him to go on. She wasn’t sure what was next. She was completely sure it would be okay. She nodded.

Tae’s cold hands held her face. They felt like the warmest embrace ever.

“I love you,” he said.

She closed her eyes and let the words settle in her heart. Words late in coming, but that had existed there all along. “I love you too,” she said.

He leaned down, and his lips met hers. The softest of connections, the warmest breath, the gentlest of touches. Her eyes closed slowly as she let herself lean in. Julia’s hands reached for his lapels, pulling him closer. Tae ran his nose down her cheek, bringing his lips back to hers. He placed small kisses all around her mouth and, with a brief hesitation, let out a tiny breath before pressing his lips hard to hers. The energy between them became a sudden, desperate flame. The months they’d been apart were necessary but felt too long. Julia was starved for his touch.

If she held him close enough, if she could let her desire speak the words over and over again—I love you, I love you, I love you—the two of them could be safe right here.

“God, Julia,” Tae said, pulling back a fraction to take a breath, resting his forehead on hers.

“Tae,” Julia whispered. “I want you.”

“You’ve got me, Jules. You always have,” he said.

She lifted herself on her toes and met his mouth for another kiss.

His taste, his touch, his entire being, so familiar, so comforting. She sighed into the kiss and let herself get swept up into it all.

“How long are you here? How long are you in town?” Julia asked. How long did she have him? she wondered.

“I didn’t know how long to plan the trip, wasn’t sure how all of this would go,” he answered, looking down into her eyes, searching. “Julia, do you want me to stay? Tell me this is what you want. You and me.”

He wasn’t uncertain or scared. Not like last time. But he needed Julia to tell him she wanted this too. And she was more than happy to let him know.

“Oh, you’re most definitely staying, Tae Kim. If you think I’m ever letting you go, you are sadly mistaken. I know I can be a lot—”

Tae pressed his finger to her mouth to stop her, but she simply kissed it and kept talking. “But I like that about myself,” she said. “And it just means the right man is gonna be the one who can handle all of this.”

Tae chuckled. “Oh, I can’t wait to handle all of this,” he said, dropping his hands down to her ass and pulling her flush with him. He was hard and hungry and heated. And if Julia didn’t get him back to her apartment soon, they’d be giving all the CCTV cameras around here a show.

“I love you, Julia. All of you,” Tae said, as he gently brushed his lips on hers. She whimpered, closer to a whine, for more.

“And I love all of you too,” Julia said against his mouth. And as she leaned in one more time, deepening their kiss, holding him tight, she felt like she could finally let go. She wasn’t afraid to try. She wasn’t afraid to fail. She felt safe and loved.

Because this was Tae. And Tae was like coming home.

Epilogue

Julia

“I swore I would never do this for anyone. But here I am. I must really love you,” Rachel said.

“I’m honored and grateful. And I love you too. All of you.” Julia looked around the room at her friends: Rachel, Sonia, and Jisoo. They say that bridesmaids should never outshine the bride. But she thought hers were the most beautiful creatures in the world. And were looking smoking hot in their dresses.

“Julia, don’t forget to hold this cross necklace. We want Jesus’s blessing throughout the whole thing.” Julia’s mother had not stopped crying all morning. In fact, Julia thought she’d probably been crying since the day Tae proposed a year ago.

Julia looked down at the antique emerald ring on her finger. It was her halmoni’s prized possession, the one thing of value she had hidden during war times and kept with her for better times. Julia hadn’t heard the whole story from Tae as to how he ended up with this ring and its beautiful silk pouch. But she could imagine. And she let it stay as a secret between Tae and her grandmother. It was their relationship that started this whole thing between Tae and Julia, after all. And she liked that they were close.

“Don’t worry, Mom. I doubt Jesus is going to change his mind all of a sudden.”

“Yah, don’t jinx it,” her mom yelled.

“I can finally die in peace,” her halmoni said, sitting in the corner. Julia’s grandmother and mother had donned gorgeous traditional Korean hanboks, while her bridesmaids wore stunning black cocktail dresses. Julia, herself, had had her dress made by an up-and-coming Korean designer, and she loved its ballgown silhouette . . . and pockets!

“Nice try, Halmoni. You’ll outlive us all,” Julia said. “I heard from Mom that your doctor gave you a clean bill of health . . . again.”

“Doctors don’t know everything,” her grandmother grumbled, shrugging her shoulder.

Guess doctors weren’t the chosen ones after all.

The door to the bride’s dressing room opened, and Annette peeked her head in. “Va-va-voom, boss lady. You look gorge. Just a quick note, the delivery man left a message and said the race car has been dropped off and assembled in the guest bedroom.”

Julia laughed. It was her wedding gift to Tae, moving the race car bed from his parents’ house to their new home in Long Beach. The two of them had bought a beautiful and cozy three-bedroom cottage in the Bixby Knolls area. Julia fell in love with the diverse neighborhood, and Tae went crazy over the old home and all the renovation possibilities.

And it was a perfect middle ground for Tae who still helped the community in the Irvine area and Julia who worked in West LA.

“Thanks, Annette.”

“No problem. I’m here to serve whatever NASCAR kink you and the hubster got going on. Gotta tell you, though, I would never have called that one.”

Julia rolled her eyes at Annette.

Annette promptly ignored Julia.

“Oh, and these are the cards you ordered. I’ll see you out there. I gotta do a few more Hail Marys or they won’t let me take a seat in the service.”

“Annette, we’re not Catholic,” Julia reminded her.

Annette shrugged and walked out.

Julia opened the box of business cards Annette had handed to her and pulled one out. Tae Kim and a phone number. Simple. No titles. No need. He did it all.

She loved them. And so would he.

Her phone buzzed (she mentioned her dress had pockets, right?!), and she looked down at the screen. A message from Tae.

Julia opened it and smiled, her heart full like she never knew it could be.

Dear Jules, I love you. I can’t wait to be your husband and to officially be able to say, with all the joy in my heart, that Julia Song is, from this day forward, and forevermore, undateable.<3

*****

Acknowledgments

It feels a dream come true to publish my first adult novel in a genre that has seen me and saved me in so many ways. I can’t believe I’m here. What a ride.

To my editor, Michele Bidelspach, thank you for finding me, for believing in me, for championing me, and for loving this book as much as I do. Eternally grateful for your enthusiasm, kindness, and gentle leadership.

To my agent, Taylor Haggerty, and the entire Root Literary team—you are the best! I’m still amazed that I get to work with you all and put my career in your care. We FINALLY got this book out into the world! Thank you for your patience and for not giving up on me.

To the teams at Harlequin and Canary Street Press, from editorial to sales to publicity and marketing to design, admin, operations, and anyone I may have missed, I feel infinitely blessed to put my work into your most capable hands.

One of the best things the romance genre has given me is a community that is so SOLID and supportive, filled with remarkable people who I respect and admire and have come to love so dearly. It amazes me that so many of my favorite authors are also my favorite humans and have become my favorite friends.

Christina, Lauren, Ali, Julie . . . thank you for laughing at my jokes, for respecting my limited social battery (ha!), for pressing me when I’m being unreasonably stubborn, for space when I need it, for love and attention when I need it more. Thanks for reading my books and being the BEST hype-buddies around.

And Rosie, Rachel, Alexis, Adriana, Nikki, Alicia, Ava, Jen, Sasha, Brian, Naina, Shirlene . . . truly, truly you all inspire me every day with your words, entertain me with your stories, and fill my heart with joy with your friendship.

To OT7 Bangtan who continue to inspire me throughout my writing journey. Chapter 15 is dedicated to you. And to Kim Taehyung, thanks for letting me borrow your name for this book. :) To be clear to ARMY, the MC Tae is not RPF of our Tae Tae . . . it’s just his namesake.

To my sister, Sunny, who introduced me to reading romance novels and has been the best cheerleader in my journey of writing them. You’re the coolest.

And to my family . . . always, thank you and love you.

Lastly, thank you to my readers, old and new, those who have followed me along till now and those who are just finding me for the first time. I am obsessed with you all. <3

I hope this book inspires you, makes you laugh, reminds you to hug your families (born or found), and fills you with the warmest feelings of love.

There was a specific story I wanted to tell. How life is full of expectations from others, but ultimately, we get to write it . . . and live it . . . for ourselves. It’s been a topsy-turvy, loopy and curvy road for me to get here. Probably not the journey or the destination, even, that many wanted for me or would have guessed of me.

But I am right where I want to be.

About the Author

SUSAN LEE is the author of critically acclaimed and reader-favorite young adult and adult romantic comedies. Her work has been featured in national outlets, such as Buzzfeed, NPR, and PopSugar. Once a cog in the corporate machine, she now channels her energy into writing happily-ever-afters for those historically underrepresented in romance. When she is not writing, Susan can be found down the rabbit holes of her many obsessions, including listening to K-pop, binge-watching K-dramas, collecting sneakers, building mechanical keyboards, and obsessing over her two adorable but ill-behaved Chihuahuas.

Also by Susan Lee

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Copyright

ISBN-13: 978-0-36976088-3

Julia Song Is Undateable

Copyright © 2025 by Susan Lee

Cover Art: Mallory Heyer

Art Direction: Alexandra Niit

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission.

Without limiting the exclusive rights of any author, contributor or the publisher of this publication, any unauthorized use of this publication to train generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies is expressly prohibited. Harlequin also exercises their rights under Article 4(3) of the Digital Single Market Directive 2019/790 and expressly reserves this publication from the text and data mining exception.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

For questions and comments about the quality of this book, please contact us at CustomerService@Harlequin.com.

TM is a trademark of Harlequin Enterprises ULC.

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