Junkers Season Two
Date: 2017-08-14 09:33:27+00:00
Keywords: Humor; Science Fiction
Description: It was supposed to be the happiest place on the whole wide planet. It was supposed to be a place where every child's favorite characters came to life. And, it was, until those characters went nuts and started killing everyone. Then it wasn't so happy. Ten years later Jake and his team of robot reclamation specialists are heading to the island theme park to confront the evil machines, discover Kat's connection to the disaster and boost the flagging ratings on their reality show, Scrappers. Fearless Monkeynauts, overly friendly Bearberry Bears, feuding Presidents, Dinosty Warriors, fairy tale le
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Benjamin Wallace

Copyright © 2017 by Benjamin Wallace. All rights reserved.

* * * *

From the pages of the best-selling Duck & Cover Adventures comes thirteen stories of those who survived the apocalypse. Some would go on to be heroes, others villains, some were dogs and will stay dogs, but they all must contend with the horrors of the new world and find a way to survive in the wasteland that was America.

Get this laugh-out-loud collection of stories from the Duck & Cover Adventures post-apocalyptic series now when you sign up for my Readers’ Group.

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* * * *

1

Despite a distinct lack of pants, the machine wore a massive gold belt around its waist that declared the champ was both undefeated and not the least bit humble. Clorso the Destroyer was seven feet tall, constructed of burnished metal, and wore a large white cape trimmed with the fur of a none-too-quick snow leopard. This elaborate costume and unprecedented feat had been achieved through fortitude, skill and blatant cheating. The machine had won more matches through subterfuge and loopholes than legitimate pins, but that didn't mean it wasn't formidable.

The champ’s piston punch was legendary. Its dynamo duplex was devastating. And to this date, no contender had escaped Clorso’s dreaded finishing hold—the lock nuts. But, as feared as these maneuvers were, it was the champ's stage presence that had truly made it a star in the Robotic Wrestling League. The first superstar designed with the Personality First protocol, Clorso was more charismatic than any other wrestler, man or machine, that had come before it.

It worked the mic like a concert violinist who was just as good at talking shit as they were at playing the violin. Mayhem Family Entertainment held several patents on the machine’s strut alone. The motion was a delicate mix of a fashion model walking the runway and an outlaw cowboy kicking in the doors of the local saloon before proceeding to mock anyone drinking anything other than whiskey. It was captivating, hypnotizing, and always preceded by a disclaimer warning sensitive viewers to avert their eyes if they were susceptible to seizures or feelings of euphoria. The HEEL 6.0 protocols may have won the matches, but it was this complex charisma matrix that made it a star.

Glitch would never admit it—there'd be no end to the teasing from Mason—but he was a fan. He'd grown up watching Monday Night Mayhem. He never missed Total Carnage Tuesdays. And Effed Up Friday Night was how he began every weekend. He knew the wrestlers' names. He knew their gimmicks. And he knew the Champ liked to start each match with a big boot. So he should have seen it coming.

The giant cyborg was still all fan-eyed when Clorso put his big burnished boot in Glitch’s chest and sent the man flying across the room into a row of metal lockers. The metal crumpled around him as his bulk settled into the twisted wreck and he emitted a sound that was half ouch and half wow.

Clorso the Destroyer rushed forward and twisted the metal lockers further until they formed restraints around the man. The machine took a step back and raised its hand in front of its face. There was a whir and a couple of clicks as fingers flipped, knuckles shuffled and the hand transformed into an MFE branded microphone. The Champ's raucous voice was condescending in tone and begged an audience that wasn't there to join him in the mockery of his foe. "It looks like I've put you in lockdown, half-man."

A drone slid in behind the Champ's shoulder. Four rotors kept it airborne, and a large black lens served as its eye. The lens twisted to get a better shot of Glitch trapped in the lockers.

Clorso spotted the drone and turned to address the camera. "Let this be a lesson to all comers. When you square off against the champ, you're not only going to get hurt, you're going to get humiliated. People will laugh at you. Your friends. Your family. Your loved ones. Your soulmate. And they'll be right to laugh at you, because you were a fool to think you could challenge me.” Clorso snapped its wrist and the microphone disappeared back into the machinations of its hand.

The Destroyer gave Glitch one last look that was something like pity but more patronizing, turned and then strutted out of the room with a swagger that was impossible not to admire.

The drone followed the wrestler with the lens until the last snow leopard spot disappeared out the door and around the corner. The camera swooped back across the room and hovered in front of the trapped cyborg.

A tinny voice whispered from the drone's tiny speaker. "Glitch, are you all right?"

"Wow," Glitch beamed. "That was awesome!” He grabbed the sheet metal with his augmented arm and peeled it away with little effort. The upgrade to his limb had been worth every penny. As he struggled free he spoke to the rest of the team over the comm unit installed in his ear. "I found him, you guys. He was here. Clorso was here."

The team’s mechanic was the first to respond. Her voice was serious. Kat was always serious and her question was quick and to the point. "Where?"

"In the locker room,” Glitch answered.

"Keep him there," Jake's voice hissed on top of a faint trace of static. "We're on the way."

"It's too late, boss.” Glitch pulled another piece of the locker away with little effort. “He's gone."

"Why didn't you stop him, big guy?" Mason asked. The engineer’s voice was anything but serious. Ever. Sarcastic. Acidic. Cranky. But never serious. “I thought you said you were unstoppable with that new arm of yours.”

Glitch twisted away the last piece of metal and stood. "He got the drop on me."

"On you? No! With your cat-like reflexes? How is that even possible?"

"Shut up, Mason."

"I'm just saying it may be time to upgrade the ole firmware. You know, to something that doesn't suck."

"I hate you, Mason.” Glitch said.

"Both of you stop,” Hailey broke into the banter. “Which way did it go, Mitchell?”

Glitch stepped into the hallway and scanned for his prey. The champ was gone but the big red arrow painted on the wall made it clear where the machine was going. "He's headed to the arena.”

The building sat eighteen thousand people and, though the audience had fled, their presence lingered in the air. The air in the arena reeked of spilled beer and questionable hygiene. The capacity crowd had apparently lacked the coordination to properly hold their beverages or work a stick of deodorant.

Jake kicked a plastic cup down the stairs as he rushed toward the arena floor. The cup rattled down several rows before disappearing under one of the seats. The sound it produced was slight but it bounced around the cavernous stadium, off the bare concrete walls more than he would have expected.

The only other sound in the empty stadium was the whir of the drone hovering behind him. It followed him down the stairs and over the safety rail as he made his way to the center of it all.

Mason had been searching the mezzanine and appeared near the middle of the stadium. Hailey and Kat had been checking the catwalks and appeared a moment later higher up on the opposite side.

"Where is it?" Mason asked over the comm.

"I can't see it," Jake said. "The ring is in the way."

"Well, I guess you're on the card now,” Mason said. “Get up there, Killer.”

A burst of static filled the comm. Glitch's voice popped in and out but nothing sensible came through except for some heavy panting.

Jake tossed his disrupter into the ring and slid under the bottom rope onto the canvas. He picked up his disruptor, walked to the middle of the ring and stood in the center of the graphic explosion that was the MFE logo.

Mason’s voice took over the airwaves once more. “Making his way to the center of the ring, Jake ‘the Jackhammer’ Ashley, the Grappler with a Girl’s Name, The Hellion of Green Hills, the Big Boss of the Business—”

“Knock it off, Mason.”

“The Pooper of Parties,” Mason finished. “What do you see, champ?"

Jake stared into the entrance tunnel leading back to the locker rooms and didn’t see much. It was dark. There was no movement. No rogue wrestling champion. Nothing. Jake shook his head. "I don't see a thing."

Glitch's voice came across the comm once more. This time it was clear of static. "Don't get in the ring!"

Before Jake could ask why, the lights went out and the entire area was cloaked in darkness.

"Savant?” Jake spoke into the comm. "We just lost the lights in here. Are you getting anything out there?"

"Oh, am I part of the team again?" Savant asked. “Because sitting out here in the truck, I wasn’t really feeling it.”

"Not now, Savant."

"Oh, so I'm not. I just get to sit in the truck, watching the screens, getting like zero screen time."

"You never complained about being in the truck before, you diva," Mason said.

A buzz filled the arena. It was low at first but it built somewhere in the darkness.

"Well, now maybe I don't want to be in the truck–"

"Dammit, Savant!" Hailey shouted. "You can bitch later. What is going on with the lights?"

"Nothing!" Savant snapped. "Everything looks normal. All the programs are running right. Everything is… Jake, you didn't step in the ring, did you?”

Jake hesitated and then answered slowly. “I did.”

Savant groaned, “I told you not to step in the ring.”

The buzz grew louder. The stadium seats rattled. The buzz took on a familiar sound.

“No, you didn’t!”

“Yes, I did.”

“No, you didn’t! You bitched about the truck. You whined about your role. You pissed and moaned about money but you didn’t say a damn thing about the ring.”

“Well, I meant to!”

“Fine,” Jake walked to the edge of the ring and grabbed the rope. “I’ll get out.”

“Well, obviously, it’s too late now,” Savant said. “You should’ve listened to me. If I was there, you would have listened to me.”

The buzz exploded into a roar of electric guitar. Light burst from the end of the arena as pyrotechnics erupted from the floor. The scent of burning magnesium filled the air as brilliant white fountains produced a shower of sparks. Images filled the jumbotron and lit the stadium as a montage of Clorso the Destroyer images flashed about the screen. The music turned from a roar into a flaming guitar solo. The notes came at a breathless speed as another burst of fireworks lit the arena and revealed that the Champ had entered.

The algorithm powering its walk was comprised of several struts, swaggers and a single sashay. One subroutine called “Last Call” had the champ surfing slowly down the ramp until it reached the floor. There the algorithm hit another subroutine titled “Be the Man,” and the surf shifted into a strut that was part stomp and part celebratory shuffle. The line of code ended with a “whoo” and a leap that brought Clorso the Destroyer, MFE’s RWE Champion, crashing down into the center of the ring and face-to-face with Jake Ashley of Ashley’s Robot Reclamation of Green Hill.

Before Jake could react, the champ slapped him across the chest and sent him reeling back into the steel cables. Jake grabbed for the rope, missed and found himself hurtling back toward the wrestler.

Clorso raised his leg to deliver a big boot to the chin but Jake, less through intent and more through the momentum provided by the slingshot, dropped toward the mat and rolled under the attack. He tumbled back to his feet and spun to face the machine.

The Champ’s armor plating was for show. It was designed to dent and crack for the spectators’ enjoyment. It had practically no shielding against a sudden charge of electricity, and the disruptor in Jake’s hand could dispense more than enough to drop the machine, if it wasn’t such a piece of crap.

He raised the pistol and pulled the trigger to unleash a massive electric blast. Instead it released a mighty squeak like that of a mouse. A mouse that was about to be crushed by a piano dropped from a great height.

Jake gave out a mighty squeak of his own as the Champ loomed over him. The drone buzzing over his shoulder recorded it all.

Mason rushed down the steps but was still well out of range to be any kind of help. All he could fire was encouragement and moral support. “Shoot it, dumb ass!”

“The damn thing’s busted!” Jake shouted back as he squeezed the trigger once more. This time there wasn’t even a squeak.

Clorso turned to grandstand for the absent audience. It lifted its arm and placed a hand against an ear that didn’t exist, begging for a burst of applause. Its hand whirred and clacked as it transformed into a parabolic dish that would amplify the crowd’s praise.

Savant’s voice cracked through the comm. “Jake, you’re going to have to wrestle it.”

Kat’s voice came across in huffs as she raced toward the stage. “I told you the Beast had an exhaust leak, Savant. Turn off the engine before you succumb.”

A long, heavy sigh came from somewhere out in the team’s truck. “Respect the system, Jake. Play his game. It will buy you some time.”

“Savant’s right,” Glitch said over the radio. “You have to take on Clorso.”

Jake shed the disruptor pack from his back and let it fall to the canvas. “How much time will it buy me?”

Jake could hear Savant flicking a pen against his teeth before the man answered. As much as it pained Jake to admit, the man was a mathematical genius and he often fidgeted while his disgusting but brilliant mind worked through complex calculations. The clicking stopped and Savant had his answer.  “Oh, I doubt much.”

The Champ waved to the absent crowd and turned to face its opponent. The machine unclasped the cape and sent it twirling over the top rope into the overturned seats at ringside. Then it raised one hand out in front of itself and leaned forward.

“What’s it doing?” Jake asked.

Glitch’s voice followed a chorus of I don’t knows. “It’s called the test of strength. He wants you to grab his hand, then you both try and twist each other’s arm off. Reach for it.”

“No,” Jake said. “I’m pretty sure I’ll lose, and I like my arm.”

“Trust me, Jake,” the cyborg pleaded. “Don’t take the hand. Just reach for it slowly.”

Jake was certain it was a bad idea but for lack of a better option he reached up and inched toward the machine one hesitant step after another.

Glitch reached the end of the entrance ramp and the signal grew even stronger. He was coaching Jake through every step. “Now pull your hand back a bit.”

Jake did.

“Good,” Glitch said. “Now reach for it slowly again.”

“Glitch this is—”

“Just do it or he’ll kill you!”

Jake reached out slowly. At Glitch’s coaxing, their palms got closer and closer until their fingers were almost intertwined.

“Now kick him in the balls,” Glitch panted as he raced down the entrance ramp.

“It doesn’t have balls.”

“I said the balls, Jake!”

Jake jumped at his friend’s sudden outburst and kicked the machine squarely between the legs.

The machine hopped into the air as the blow connected then dropped to its knees, doubled over and fell to the mat with its hands locked firmly on its crotch.

Mason witnessed the blow and commented, “Wrestling is stupid.”

Baffled, Jake turned to ask how the reaction was even possible and found Glitch climbing into the ring. He stripped the belt from the Champ and shoved it into Jake’s hands.

Jake looked at the ornate and garish golden belt. “What’s this for?”

“Hit him with it,” Glitch instructed.

“Just shoot him, Glitch,” Hailey shouted over the comm.

Glitch ignored her and told Jake, “It will work. He’s never fought a fellow heel before.”

“Heel?” Mason asked. “Sounds like someone is a fan.”

“Shut up, Mason,” Glitch responded, and turned back to Jake. “Trust me.”

Rocking back and forth across the mat, Clorso had both hands between its legs and paid no attention to Jake as the man stepped behind the fallen machine and raised the belt above his head.

It wasn’t a natural swing but Jake did his best to swing the trophy like a baseball bat. The trophy connected with the back of the Champ’s head with a satisfying clang and Clorso went down.

The Champ was flat on its face and wasn’t moving.

“Now pin him!” Glitch cheered.

Jake rolled his eyes and tossed away the belt. “Just shoot him, Glitch. Please.”

“You can do it, Jake!” Glitch yelled and raised a one-man chorus of, “Beat the Champ! Beat the Champ!”

Jake groaned. It would make the big fella so happy. He lay down across the machine.

“No,” Glitch scolded him. “He’s got to be on his back. Haven’t you ever watched wrestling, Jake?”

Mason responded through the comm. “Maybe he’s not a loser like you, wrestling boy.”

“Shut up, Mason,” Glitch snapped. “Roll him over, Jake.”

Jake grabbed Clorso by the shoulder and pushed. Rolling the machine over was easier than he expected. The Champ didn’t resist at all. In fact, the machine helped.

“Now, pin him!”

Jake spread his body across the machine and nothing happened. “Now what, Glitch?”

Glitch laughed at himself and shook his head. “I’m so stupid. We need a ref.” He dropped to his knees next to the machine as Mason, Kat and Hailey arrived at ringside.

“Shoot it, Glitch,” Hailey said.

“No way! Jake’s gonna win the belt.” Glitch slapped out the count. The ring bounced as his cybernetic arm smacked the canvas. “One.”

The Champ didn’t move. Not even a twitch.

“Two.” The second slap hit the mat and Glitch raised his arm for the final count.

By the time it was falling, Jake was airborne. Clorso kicked and sent him into the air. There he hovered for a long moment before crashing against the turnbuckles. Jake groaned and sank to the ground against the corner post.

Clorso the Destroyer rose on wobbly knees and tried to balance itself as it staggered around the ring.

Glitch grabbed the machine’s ankle with both hands and regretted it instantly.

The Champ picked up the cyborg from the mat with a single arm and hurled him over the top rope. Glitch crashed through the announcer’s table and onto the floor while Clorso strutted. The trademarked step took it around the ring and boomed with each stomp. Then the Champ stopped, pointed to Jake in the corner and charged.

Winded and wiped out, all Jake could do was collapse to the ground and roll out of the way. It was a pathetically slow maneuver, but it played well on TV.

The machine continued on and collided shoulder-first with the corner post. It bounced off and wobbled to the center of the ring where it shook the hit off and focused once more on its opponent.

“Jake!” Hailey shoved her disruptor into his hand.

The Champ ran back to the corner and climbed to the top turnbuckle. It raised a fist into the air and stripped the elbow pad from its arm to reveal a gleaming spike at the joint. It bent at the knees to leap.

Jake rolled onto his back, aimed and pulled the trigger.

The blast arced from the end of the disruptor and spread across Clorso’s entire body.

Arms twitching, its legs buckled and the Champ collapsed back from the top rope and crashed to the stadium floor outside of the ring.

Jake slid the disruptor back to Hailey and stumbled to his feet. He draped himself across the top rope and looked at the immobilized machine in the twisted wreckage of the table. Jake hung his head and grunted. “I’m glad that’s done.”

The camera drone dropped in front of him and the tiny speaker blared. “Dammit. Cut!”

Jake stared into the black camera lens as the drone continued to shout at him.

“Who’s the Champ now?” The drone’s tiny speaker couldn’t handle the audio levels the person on the other end was putting out. It popped and crackled and made it difficult to understand.

“What?” Jake asked.

“Who’s the Champ now?” It repeated.

Jake pointed to the wreck. “He is. Still. I think. I don’t really know wrestling.”

“No, dammit, Jake,” the drone squawked. “That’s your line. ‘Who’s the Champ now?’ That’s your line.”

“I don’t have lines, Lucas.” Jake walked to the middle of the ring and picked up the championship belt.

The drone followed him and crackled, “Jake. We talked about this. We agreed that the show needs snappier dialogue.”

Jake could picture Lucas rubbing his face in frustration on the other end of the controls.

“I said it couldn’t hurt, but I wouldn’t call that snappy dialogue. I’d call it trite and expected.”

The drone whirred in closer. “Say the line, Jake.”

“No, Lucas.”

“We need a better sign off than, ‘I’m glad that’s done.’”

“Get bent.” Jake swung the belt and swatted the drone from the air.

It crashed into the mat and sparked into silence.

The team stared at Jake.

He said nothing. He dropped the belt to the canvas, rolled under the ropes and made his way out of the arena.

“Actually, I like that,” Savant said over the comm. He lowered his voice to that of an announcer. “Tonight on Scrappers. Get bent.”

2

The room smelled of fresh-cut wood, construction adhesive and cat urine.

It had cost Jake a fortune to have the place restored to its former lack of glory. Craftsmen had worked from poor reference photos and even poorer descriptions to make an exact replica of his old apartment. They had tracked down the same crappy linoleum, outdated Formica and poorly constructed carpet, and positioned it all as best they could. The cat, however, had found him.

It wasn’t his cat. Never had been. But it settled right back into its old home and continued making Jake’s life miserable, if not comfortably familiar, right away.

The Scrappers TV show had been a financial windfall for him and the rest of the team from Ashley’s Robot Reclamation of Green Hill. It was more money than any of them had ever known and they all spent it in their own way. Glitch spent his money upgrading his cybernetic augmentations because he believed they made him a better person, while Mason focused on classic cars and debauchery because he didn’t believe in being a good person at all. Not surprisingly, fame had gone to Savant’s head and he grew obsessed with “the business.” The last time Jake had bothered listening to him, Savant had formed his own production company.

No one knew what Kat was doing with her share. The team’s mechanic was as quiet as ever. If she was enjoying the money or the attention, she made no show of it. Hailey wisely, sensibly and boringly invested almost every dollar and constantly reminded Jake that he should wisely, sensibly and boringly invest his portion as well. So he did invest it. In time travel.

The apartment took him back to two years ago. It took him home. Before Project Cupcake had run amok through the streets. Before the fame. Before everything got different and weird.

The show had changed everything. It was supposed to be no big deal. Scrappers was supposed to be reality TV at its most basic. A couple of cameras would follow the employees of Ashley’s Robot Reclamation of Green Hill as they answered calls from customers concerned their machines had malfunctioned in the most murderous ways.

Doing what they did every day with a camera drone hovering over their shoulder would have been fine if not a little odd. But that’s not how it worked. There were production meetings. There were suggestions from the network. And now there were lines to read. Jake wasn’t an actor. He wasn’t even a halfway decent liar.

He stepped through the door of his time capsule apartment and tossed his keys on the counter. Then he watched them slide across the countertop and fall to the floor. He frowned. Even his painstakingly reproduced, crappy old countertop wasn’t quite the same. It looked right, but the friction was off. It would take years of spills, neglect and a relaxed attitude toward cleanliness to get it just right. Until then the keys would continue to slide too far too fast, and he would have to pick them up in the morning.

He left the keys on the floor and pulled a short glass and a tall bottle of whiskey from the kitchen cabinet. A couple of ice cubes bounced around the bottom of the glass to complete the recipe and he moved to the couch with every intent of sinking deep into the cushions for a good, long and therapeutic sit.

But the couch was a replica too and did not have the sink he had spent countless nights perfecting. He sat but it didn’t sit right. He was just a little too high. A little too balanced. The couch was supposed to have a slight lean toward the right arm. He had been specific about that lean with the contractor but the contractor had apparently ignored him.

Jake wiggled and forced the lean but it felt unnatural. He was just about to say, “Everything has changed,” when the cat appeared from out of nowhere and sprang into his lap with all 437 of its claws extended.

The attack was brief but vicious and before Jake could even swat at the beast, the cat was gone again, vanished somewhere into the nether regions from which it was spawned. A decent amount of blood covered his arm but there was a fair amount of comfort to that. It was familiar at least. “Thank you, Hell cat,” Jake said and raised his glass to drink.

The knock at the door didn’t stop him. He took a swig and savored the taste. The knocking persisted and evolved into a pounding. Jake set the drink down and answered the door to a face that was always smiling. “Hey, pal.”

“What do you want, Lucas?”

The producer’s smile never faded. It was most likely drawn on and only varied in degrees of falsity. “Got a few minutes?”

Jake had nothing planned for the rest of the evening but sitting and drinking. This visit was sure to ruin that. He left the door open and returned to the couch.

Lucas followed him inside and whistled as he looked around. “Wow. You finally got the place finished. Is it as shitty as you’d hoped?”

“Homey, Lucas. I said homey.”

Lucas ran his hand across the Formica counter top and then rubbed his fingers together to wipe off any cheapness he may have contracted. “I really admire you, Jake. I can’t say I know anyone else with your level of success that would want to live in a place like this.”

“It’s a one of a kind.”

“And I think that’s great!”

Jake rolled his eyes and returned to his drink.

“I do. Really.” Lucas walked into the living area and examined a chair for a long moment before committing to a sit. Even then he more or less squatted on the edge. “You know what makes great entertainment, Jake?”

Jake raised his glass toward the producer. “Shitty dialogue.”

Lucas smiled. “Character, Jake. The greatest shows have always been about character. And your insistence on living in the past is a part of great character.”

“But.”

“But, nothing. That’s what attracted me to your group in the first place. It wasn’t just the national attention you were getting. It was Glitch and Mason and Kat and Hailey.”

“And Savant.”

“Yeah, sure. Why not?” Lucas leaned forward. “Look—”

The cat fell from the ceiling, or so it seemed, and landed claws-out in the producer’s lap. Some swearing, some hissing, and an awful lot of screaming followed and then the cat was gone.

Lucas shot up and spun around, trying to determine what exactly had just happened. “What the hell was that?”

“A cat.”

Lucas brushed at the cat fur and new holes on his slacks. “He’s delightful.”

“I figured you’d like him,” Jake refilled his glass. “He’s got character.”

Lucas forced a laugh that wasn’t intended to fool anyone. “Jake, we need to talk about the show.”

“There’s a production meeting tomorrow morning. There’s a production meeting every morning.”

Lucas waved his hand back and forth between them. “We need to talk about the show.”

“If this is about that line—”

“Forget the line. You were right. It was a terrible line. A stupid line.” The phony smile faded. “The truth is there are bigger problems with the show. Or smaller, I guess would be the right way to put it.” Lucas pulled his phone from his pocket and opened the projection display. A line graph filled the space between the two men. The trend on the graph was clearly a negative one.

“Your popularity rating?”

Lucas forced a second laugh. “Our ratings, Jake. They’re shit. And getting shittier.”

Jake nodded slightly and went back to his drink.

“Look at this. Do you know why we’re failing?”

“Because robot reclamation is boring. I told you that on day one.”

"If this continues, they're going to cancel Scrappers."

"Okay."

"Okay!? How can you—? Jake, if they take away the show, you’ll lose all of this." Lucas gestured wildly around the room and quickly realized it wasn’t helping his argument.

Jake followed Lucas’s argument around the room.

Lucas changed his tactic from threats to shame. “You're being selfish, Jake. It may not be for you. The money. The fame. But what about Hailey? What about Kat? Mason? Glitch? Your entire team is depending on the show."

“Savant?”

“Yeah, sure. Why not?”

Jake had to give the man credit. His new strategy worked. Jake couldn’t care less about the show or the fame. The money was nice, but it wasn’t everything. Scrappers had been a headache since day one. More for him than anyone else. But the rest of the team should have a say as well. It was their livelihood now, too.

Jake set his drink down and nodded. “Fine.”

Lucas smiled and started to get all worked up. "Don't worry, I've already got an idea for the show."

"I’m sure you do. Is it a good idea this time?”

The producer coughed and drew a hand to his chest. "I’m hurt. All of my ideas are good."

“Really? Even the time that you suggested we do a crossover with Quilt Warriors?”

“That tested through the roof.”

“Or when you suggested we fire Savant and replace him with a, and I quote, ‘Scrappy street urchin from the slums of London.’”

“People love a scrappy orphan,” Lucas said.

“Or how about the time you had the former President join our crew for a very ‘special episode.’”

“That,” Lucas began to protest but he quickly stopped. “Okay, that could have gone better.”

“I’d say so. Every time we tried to stop the bot’s rampage he said we were killing his friends.”

“Admittedly, I should have seen that coming. He was fond of drones. He used them all the time when he was in office.”

“How about when—”

“I get it, okay,” Lucas said. “But it's different this time. There’s a lot more riding on it. And this idea is different. It's killer."

Jake stood. "I can’t wait to hear it.”

"Okay, I—”

Jake continued. “Tomorrow morning at the meeting.” He waved Lucas to the door.

“Wait. You’ve got to hear this. It’s brilliant!”

“And I’m sure the entire team will be excited to hear it. Like you said, they’re as much a part of this as I am and it’s really not fair if I get to make all the insults.”

Lucas genuinely laughed at this. Jake had never heard a genuine laugh from the man. It was unsettling and seemed to startle both of them.

Lucas shook it off and turned his faux smile back on. “You sure you want to wait?”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Jake said and stepped toward the door. “I’m tired of making all the calls. It should be up to all of us.”

“Fair enough,” Lucas said with a grin as he stepped into the hallway. “You’re going to love it, Jake. It’s killer.”

“Yep, you said that.” Jake closed the door and returned to his drink and his not-so-comfortable couch.

3

The door to Ashley’s Robot Reclamation of Green Hill still squeaked. The inside of the shop still smelled. They had been told that all of the repairs that had been promised were no longer in the budget, but it was probably more of that character that Lucas loved so much.

Jake was the last one to arrive and he did it on purpose. It had been his hope that Lucas had grown impatient, sprung whatever stupid idea he had on the team and they had in turn shot it down and everyone could get on with their day. But that wasn’t the case.

Lucas stood there chatting with Mason and Hailey while Glitch and Kat tinkered under the hood of the truck they affectionately called The Beast. Somewhere in the back of the shop, Savant was smashing away at a keyboard, doing his best to make sure that stupid people knew they were stupid.

“We all have our purpose,” Savant would say as he called out any user who dared try to form an opinion without his blessing.

Hailey spotted Jake first and crossed the room.

“Good morning.” She gave him a hug and kiss before playfully scolding him. “You’re late on purpose.”

Jake was about to agree with her when Mason crossed the room, gave him a hug and leaned in for a kiss of his own.

Jake pushed him away.

“You know what, Jake?” Mason said. “I don’t think it’s right for a boss to play favorites. People might get the wrong idea that you like Hailey more than me.”

“Mason, I like everyone more than you.”

“Great. You’re here.” Lucas clapped his hands and rubbed them together slowly for show. “Come on and sit down.”

Five of the team members sat at a conference table in the middle of the shop. A few good mornings were thrown Jake’s way while Lucas set his phone in the middle of the table and turned on the projection. Rays of light spread quickly in the air, forming a title slide that read, Scrappers: Season Two.

Lucas put on his presentation voice. The implant raised the base volume slightly and set the auto-tune to serious. “Now that everyone is here, we can get started. And am I excited to show you what I’ve—”

“What about Savant?” Glitch asked, pointing to the one empty chair.

“What about him?” Lucas asked.

The metal chair squeaked as Glitch shifted his weight to face the shop. He yelled to somewhere in the back, “Savant, we’re starting the meeting!”

“Fine,” the computer scientist responded from the back of the shop. There was some clattering, some swearing, another fit of frantic typing and then Savant stomped his way to the table and dropped into the chair with a scowl on his face.

“Great,” Lucas said. “Now—”

“Isn’t anyone going to ask me why I’m upset?” Savant asked.

“No,” Kat said.

Mason shook his head. “You’d tell us and no one wants that.”

Savant pointed a finger to the back of the shop. “Some a-hole on the feed is telling everyone that I’m a total ass.”

“You are a total ass,” Kat said.

Mason nodded. “She’s right, it’s like all ass with you.”

Glitch put a giant hand on Savant’s shoulder and rubbed it slowly. “We thought you knew.”

Savant bucked the hand off his shoulder. “Yeah. But not for the reasons he’s saying. He’s telling everyone that I showed up to Carmichael’s drunk.”

Despite a complete lack of response or any indication of interest, Savant continued and incorporated a violent form of air quotes into his story. “He said that I hit on his girlfriend right in front of him like some ‘has-been celebrity milking his unwarranted fame.’”

“Well, did you?” Glitch asked slowly.

Savant slammed his fist on the table. “He called me a ‘D-list douchebag!’”

No one offered an argument.

“Oh screw you guys!“ he cursed as he crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair. “I’m not a has-been. I’m relevant, dammit.”

Jake looked at Lucas and gestured to the flickering presentation hovering above the table. “I don’t think you’re going to get a better segue than that.”

Lucas took the cue and continued the presentation. “Like I was saying. I have some thoughts on how to improve the show that I think you all are going to find quite exciting.”

Mason leaned forward. “Great. When are we getting the new shop?”

Lucas was blunt. “We’re not getting a new shop.”

“I think that’s an interesting twist, Lucas,” Mason said. “Since you promised us a new shop last season and you didn’t give us one then either.”

“Guys, you don’t want a new shop. Look at this place.” Lucas waved his hand at everything and nothing.

“It’s shit,” Mason said.

“Yes,” Lucas agreed. “But this dumpy shop is as much a part of Scrappers as any of you.”

Hailey smiled. “You say the nicest things, Lucas.”

Lucas smiled apologetically. “What I mean is that it has character.”

“The Beast has character, too,” Kat added. “Lots of it. Tons of it. But it doesn’t need character. It needs brakes and shocks and engine work. When are you going to make those happen?”

"You can't change the Beast!” Lucas protested. “People love it. Beast toys are one of our hottest sellers. It outsells the Savant action figures five-to-one."

Savant threw up his arms and let them fall. "Seriously, man?”

“Don’t blame me,” Lucas scolded. “You’re the one that insisted on the crotch chopping action feature.”

“It’s awesome.” Savant stood and demonstrated the action feature.

“It’s offensive.”

“Only to people without…” Savant’s argument trailed off. “…crotches.”

“What about the rest?” Mason asked. “The disruptors are shit. You saw what happened at the arena.”

“That was perfect.” Lucas said. “It added drama. It’s going to be one of our best episodes because the disruptor broke at the right time.”

Hailey used her real scolding voice this time. “Jake almost died.”

“But he didn’t,” Lucas said.

“But he could have!”

“And that uncertainty is what makes good television,” Lucas smiled. “It’s exciting.”

Jake crossed his arms. “Exciting?”

Lucas took a breath to make an argument but abandoned it. “You guys just don’t appreciate a good narrative.”

“Maybe not, but I do understand contracts,” Hailey countered. “When we signed up for this, you made a lot of promises you haven’t kept. When do we get the new equipment?”

Lucas took a deep breath. “You don’t.”

Savant laughed and shook his head. “Surprise, surprise, the lying asshole turns out to be a lying asshole.”

“Look, guys, I’m sorry, but there just isn’t any money in the budget for all those things. In fact…” Lucas trailed off and looked to Jake.

“Don’t look at me,” Jake said. “You tell ’em.”

Lucas changed the projection to display the ratings graph. “The network is thinking about pulling the show.”

A full chorus of, “What?” erupted from the entire table.

Savant stood and swiped at the hologram. This outburst did nothing. It was a hologram. “This is bullshit. I just got famous!”

“The ratings aren’t where the network hoped they would be.” Lucas said. “The show just isn’t pulling in the viewers. They’re calling it boring.”

“How is what we do boring?” Savant asked.

Lucas pointed to the first big dip in the chart. “That’s where you all fought a lawnmower.”

“We told you,” Jake said, “before this all started, that we don’t often get calls to deal with four-story war machines. The lawnmower is more typical.”

Lucas turned up his hands. “The 18-to-35 demo just doesn’t care about lawn maintenance.”

“But what about yesterday?” Mason asked. “We took out the MFE Champion!”

Lucas snapped his fingers and pointed at Mason. “Yes, and I’ve shared the dailies with the network. And they’re excited. That’s why they’re giving us one more chance. But we need to spice things up.”

“Perfect,” Savant said as he stood and pulled a folded sheet of paper from his back pocket. “I have a whole list of ideas to make the show better.”

Before anyone could protest, Savant cleared his throat and read the list. “Idea one, more Savant. Idea two, catchphrases. I’m taking ‘Get Bent’ but I thought Glitch’s could be ‘As a half-man that makes me half-mad.’“

Glitch sunk in his chair. “Shut up, Savant.”

“No, man. It would be cool. You’d say it really tough just before you smashed the crap out of something with your half-man arm.”

“I’m going to stop you right there, Savant,” Lucas said. “Those are some great ideas.”

“Really?”

“No, they’re horrible, however—”

“I’ve got more.” Savant handed Lucas the list.

“I’m sure you do.” Lucas folded the list up and set it on the table. “But let’s put a hold on these, because I’ve got an idea you’re all going to love. It’s killer.” Lucas held up his hands and backed away from the table. “Just wait right here.”

He disappeared into the office and Hailey looked at Jake. “What’s all this about?”

“I have no idea.”

“He didn’t tell you?” Hailey asked. “He tells you all of his ideas.”

Savant jumped into the conversation. “What do you mean? He’s been trying to improve the show all along? And you wouldn’t let him? Dammit, Jake, don’t you make me poor. I’ve become accustomed to a better life. I get to treat everyone like dirt now and I’m not going back.”

“You’ve always treated everyone like dirt,” Glitch said.

“Yeah, but now they have to take it. And Jake has no right to stand in the way of that. If Lucas was trying to make the show better you should have let him.”

Jake pointed to Savant. “His first idea was to fire you.”

Mason chuckled.

Savant course-corrected. “You’re a good man, Jake. I’m proud to work for a man who stands up for his employees like that.”

The producer reemerged a moment later holding a large item covered by a white sheet. He set the object on the table and backed away.

The team leaned closer. It even had Jake’s attention. It was a little over two feet tall and had no real shape. There were no corners. Whatever was beneath it was soft and lumpy.

Lucas grabbed a corner of the sheet. “We need to liven up the show. We need excitement. And to get excitement, we need danger, mystery, intrigue. And I know just where to find it.” Lucas snapped the sheet away, revealing an adorable, blue-furred teddy bear with a fuzzy white tummy.

Everyone gasped except for Kat. She stood from the table fast enough to turn her chair over with a bang. Without a word, she turned and walked away.

“I told you it was a killer idea,” Lucas said.

Jake stared at the toy bear for a long moment before he could even speak. “You can’t be suggesting that we…” his voice trailed off. Of course Lucas was suggesting that. The man had no heart, no soul.

“I sure am. It’s perfect.”

Glitch pointed a finger at the teddy and shouted, “That’s Brexbin the Bearberry Bear!”

“It sure is.” Lucas patted the toy on the head. “And I’ll tell you this, it wasn’t easy to come by. I had to track it down from a rare toy dealer. But the looks on your faces say it was worth it.”

“You know, Lucas, I pride myself on being pretty heartless,” Mason said. “But this is taking not-cool to a whole new level of dick.”

Lucas gave the bear on the table a puzzled look. “Oh, it’s not that bad.”

Brexbin, the cute and cuddly Bearberry Bear in the middle of the table, blinked.

Everyone jumped.

“Hi, I’m Brexbin and I want to be your friend.”

“Kill it!” Glitch shouted. He stood and grabbed the chair he’d been sitting in and lifted it above his shoulders to strike.

Lucas jumped between the bear and the cyborg. “What are you doing?!”

“What are we doing?” Hailey asked and turned to see where Kat had gone. “How could you do this, you monster?”

“What?” Lucas appeared genuinely confused. It was a natural look for him.

Glitch was doing his best to stand still, but everyone around the table could hear the servos in his augmented bits twitching. "That right there is a Bearberry Bear!"

"Yeah," Lucas stammered. "It's... His name is Brexbin. The friendly adventure bear or something like that."

“Wow, Lucas,” Savant said. “Even I’m appalled.”

"Everyone, shut up," Jake said.

Lucas took a breath. "Thank you, Jake. I—”

Jake pointed to Lucas. “You shut up the most. Tell me your plan isn’t to send us to Fantastic Isle.”

Savant tapped the phone in the center of the table. The Scrappers logo reappeared. Dramatic music followed and a subtitle exploded at the bottom of the logo. Scrappers on Fantastic Isle. “Okay, Lucas. Now tell us.”

“That's your big plan?” Jake asked. “For all of us to commit suicide?

"Of course not. Look it's been ten years since the..."

"The massacre?” Hailey asked.

“Slaughter?” Mason added.

Lucas held up his hands for calm. "I was going to say incident."

Glitch folded his arms across his massive chest. "That ‘incident’ registered a 9.4 on the Crichton scale, asshole.”

"Thousands were slaughtered,” Mason added. “People don’t call it the Tragic Kingdom for fun, you know?”

"Right,” Lucas said. “That’s why it’s such a good idea! Everyone knows about it. It's infamous. That's why when you go in—"

"Are you absolutely insane?" Jake turned to look to see if Kat had returned before continuing, "First off, it's dangerous. But did you for one fleeting second stop being a selfish asshole and think about the feelings of the people that survived?"

Glitch stared at the bear. “I can’t believe you’d do this to Kat, Lucas. I thought you were our friend.”

The color drained from Lucas’s face. It took him a moment to find his voice. "Oh my… Kat was there?"

Hailey nodded. "She was the last one out."

Lucas looked at the table and shook his head. "I didn’t know. Honestly. So she's Little Crafty Kat? The news cycle loved her!"

Jake shook his head. “I think you’re missing the point.”

"This is perfect!"

Mason nodded. “Yep, he totally missed the point.”

“Don’t you see?” Lucas smiled. “It makes the whole thing more personal. This will be great.”

Mason snorted. “For you.”

“For everyone,” Lucas pleaded. “You guys go in, shut the park down, with Kat right there and she and all the families will finally have closure."

"While broadcasting her nightmare to homes everywhere.” Jake said.

"I think it will be cathartic,” Lucas said. “We could check with a professional and get their endorsement. This is going to be amazing.”

"You're incredible,” Glitch said.

Lucas lowered his voice. "Look, Glitch, we all handle grief in different ways."

Brexbin raised his arms to offer a hug. “If you’re feeling sad, I can help cheer you up. Everybody loves hugs!”

The flash of electricity blinded them all. It blasted blue and white and forced them all to turn away as the teddy bear took the hit and began to shake. Its fur burst into flames and the shell beneath melted into a smoldering puddle of blackened plastic.

When the blast finally stopped, the air smelled like ozone and burning fur.

Kat stood there with the disruptor in her hands and no expression on her face.

"Kat,” Jake took a cautious step toward her. “Are you okay?"

Kat tossed the disruptor on the table and looked at Lucas. "We'll do it.”

Glitch shook his head. "Kat. No. We don’t have to—”

"It’s okay, Glitch,” Kat said as she watched the Bearberry Bear burn. “I need to go back."

4

Hailey’s apartment was nicer than Jake’s. Most apartments were nicer than Jake’s. Broom closets, if kept free of rodents and roaches, were nicer than Jake’s apartment. His hovel was comforting, but he spent most of his time at Hailey’s penthouse.

Whirbert, marketed as the little drone with a big personality, buzzed about the dining room while the couple tried to eat. The machine did what it could to help. It constantly brought the salt and pepper around. Once denied, it would move onto napkins. If those were turned down it would start again with the salt and pepper.

The initial plan for the evening had been to drink a lot of wine and hopefully settle on a vacation destination that took them as far away from work and the fame as possible. That was before the production meeting, however, and the conversation had obviously changed.

“Why could she possibly want to go back?” Jake asked.

It was a question they had both asked one another several times, never settling for the answer, “I don’t know.” At this point, it was all but rhetorical, but that didn’t stop either of them from asking it.

“I can’t believe it either,” Hailey said. “All she would say was that everything would be okay. Not to worry about her. Which, of course, makes me worry. It seems like the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

Jake nodded. “We’re outnumbered though. Kat wants to go. Mason hasn’t really said why he agreed, but I think he wants to stay famous.”

“What about Glitch?”

“Glitch doesn’t care about being famous. But he muttered something about just ordering a whole bunch of new parts so I imagine he wants in.”

“And Savant?”

“His production company just started a movie so he wants in more than anyone.”

“Oh, God. It’s not another sequel to Sex Plane.”

“No, he said the new one is called Sex Boat. It’s like Sex Plane but on a boat. He’s convinced it’s totally different.”

“It doesn’t surprise me that given the opportunity, Savant started making softcore porn. It does surprise me that it isn’t a violation of his morality clause.”

“I’m not sure a morality clause counts if you have no morals to begin with. Besides, I think it’s technically erotica and not porn.”

“What’s the difference?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s just the lighting.”

“Well with his mind behind it, I’m sure it’s all disgusting.”

“I don’t know. Sex Plane 4 had its moments.”

“Was that the one with the storm?”

“No, Turbulent Seduction was Sex Plane 3. 4 was International Customs.”

Hailey laughed and picked up her wine glass. Whirbert tried to refill it but she waved the machine off.

Jake stared at his own glass. “Everyone wants in. Every one of them acts like they’re doing it for Kat, but Savant is vain, Glitch has an augmentation issue and Mason has a gambling problem.”

“Really?”

“Probably. I mean look at the guy.”

Hailey smiled but the smile faded quickly. She set the wine glass down and got serious. “This is stupid, Jake. It’s been ten years since the disaster at the park and they still don’t know what happened.”

Jake chewed and shrugged and swallowed. “It’s hard to know what happened when no one is allowed back in the park. The company spent so much trying to cover up the disaster that there weren’t any funds left over to clean up the park. They went bust, boarded up the place and there’s been a quarantine on it ever since.”

“So what do you think?” she asked. But, she asked it in a way that said there was a correct answer.

“I think it’s insane,” Jake said.

“It is,” she agreed.

“The show isn’t worth it,” he continued.

“It’s not.” Hailey nodded.

It was a trap. Jake knew it. “You want to do it.”

“I do.”

“Do you have a gambling problem?”

Hailey shook her head.

“Are you making softcore porn about flight attendants, and if you are, can I be in it?”

Hailey shook her head again.

“Then you must have a drinking problem.” He grabbed the bottle and filled his own wine glass. “You hide it well.”

“I want to do it for Kat. She’s set on going back to the island.”

“Why? What could possibly make her want to go back?”

“She wouldn’t say,” Hailey said. “Closure, maybe? No matter what it is, this is probably the only way it will ever happen.”

Jake snorted. “How does someone like Lucas get special permission from the military to land on a quarantined island? No one has been there for a decade but he makes it happen.”

“Maybe he’s secretly a spy,” Hailey said.

“And you think he’s gone undercover as an idiot?”

“If so, he’s a real pro. I’ve seen no crack in his cover.”

They finished eating and let Whirbert clear the table. The machine’s rotor spun furiously lifting the plates, and it would probably result in shattered dishes, but the little robot insisted.

Jake and Hailey stepped out onto the balcony just in time to catch the final rays of the sun sliding behind the hills outside the city. They settled in next to one another on the comfortable sofa and watched the light fade in silence.

As it slipped into night, the city came alive with the lights of a thousand drones zipping back and forth to their destinations. At this time of day, the bulk of them were most likely performing burrito deliveries. It was, after all, burrito hour.

Despite the frenzy of movement, it was quiet on the balcony. The faint whir of electric traffic below was nothing, and even the train passed by politely with nothing more than a hum.

Jake stared into the night at where the sun had dipped. “What if there wasn’t a show?”

“Then you’d be a nobody.”

“I was a nobody before. It didn’t bother me.” Jake looked at her. “It didn’t seem to bother you.”

“Yeah, but I figured you’d be a somebody someday. And now that I’ve been a somebody, I don’t know that I could be with a nobody. Think of the scandal.” She smiled and tucked her arm under his.

“It was just so much easier before.”

“Easier, you mean when there was no work and no money and your uncle was trying to sell the company and you had to sneak into your own apartment each night to avoid the bill collectors? You mean that kind of easier?”

“Yeah,” Jake smiled. “Those were the days. Sometimes I think it was all a mistake.” He finished his wine and set the glass down on a nearby table. “Most times I think it was all a mistake.”

“If it was, it was a mistake we all made together. I don’t think any of us could have seen how much it would change our lives. But it has. For better or worse there’s no going back to obscurity. We’re either on the show or we’re has-beens.”

“I think I’d make a pretty good has-been. It’s an option anyway. And I don’t feel like I have many of those left anymore.” He stared back out into the night with little else to say. The last year had been a blur. No sooner had his team stopped the rampage of Meagan Mouret and Project Cupcake than they had been swept into limos and private planes by Lucas and his production company. Promises were made, papers were signed and everyone woke up a star. And it had been fun. For a while.

Hailey put her hand on his face and turned him back to her. “Jake, it’s ultimately your call. And whatever you decide, I’m fine with it. I could love a has-been. But you know that if you lose the show, you’re going to lose your four best friends.”

“Yeah, but if I have enough left over I could buy new friends. Better friends.”

Hailey smiled. “If you take away the money. And you take away the so-called fame. Is there any reason at all to do this?”

“Yeah,” Jake nodded. “For everybody else.”

5

The projection took up the entire center of the table, and all those seated around it were looking back one hundred and fifty years into the past and down an American Main Street. American flags fluttered gently in each storefront while storeowners dressed in white aprons called from the entrances of an assortment of olde shoppes. Smiling families milled about the bustling street, laughing and pointing at nothing in particular, while behind them a massive tree of a thousand colors spread its branches far and wide.

“That tree is totally fake,” Savant said for the benefit of those at the table that weren’t as smart as he was.

The projection pulled back to reveal the entry of Rockwell Avenue as a merry tune came up and under the sound of the crowd on the street.

Brexbin the Bearberry Bear popped into the bottom of the frame with a most cheerful, “Hi, everyone!”

Mason jumped and nearly tipped his chair over backward. He grabbed the table and steadied himself. “I hate that damn bear.”

The bear waddled fully into the frame, turned and waved. “My name is Brexbin. What’s yours?” The bear gave a gleeful chuckle that was less heard with one’s ears and more felt with a nerve at the base of one’s neck. “Are you looking for a place filled with magic and happiness and the friendliest friends you could ever know?”

“I sure hope that’s rhetorical,” Hailey said.

“You are!” Brexbin’s smile grew inexplicably larger.

“That’s just great,” Hailey said. “It thinks it’s talking to someone.”

The Bearberry Bear waved to his audience. “Then come with me as I show you the bestest place on the whole wide planet—Fantastic Isle!”

Savant’s hackles went up. “Bestest is not a word, you dumb bear.” He shot a glare at Lucas. “What is this ignorant crap?”

Lucas rolled his eyes and directed Savant back to the promotional video.

Brexbin raced up the middle of Rockwell Avenue with a gait that came more from the butt than the legs. A young boy and girl ran into the frame and chased after him, giggling the entire time.

Through the magic of editing, the trio was soon in the giant tree from the establishing shot. Brexbin was showing the children, and the viewing audience, around. “Welcome to the Great Bearberry Tree. It’s where me and all my Bearberry friends live and play and laugh and sing and dance. It’s also where we make Bearberry juice from the Bearberry berries.”

The tree’s interior was designed to resemble a factory floor that focused on manufacturing bright colors and cute noises. There was one special machine whose sole purpose was to produce a comic effect when one of the Bearberry bears fell into it. Brexbin took them across the floor. Pipes whistled. Bellows pumped. Machines chugged. And everywhere colorful Bearberry Bears oversaw it all.

Brexbin plucked a Bearberry the size of his head from a bushel basket, magic happened—as signified by sparkles and twinkles that called into question the need for a factory floor—and the Bearberry became a vial of Bearberry juice. Brexbin offered the vial to the children. “But there’s a lot more to see. So drink up your Bearberry juice and come with me!”

The children did as they were told and emptied their vials. Pixie dust swirled around them and they were lifted into the air by the apparent power of twinkles. Then they spun, rotating in opposite directions—slowly at first, but the magic of the Bearberry juice quickly overcame them and they twirled faster and faster until they themselves were transformed into Bearberry bears.

Savoring the final drop with a particular flair, Brexbin drank his own vial clean, put on a helmet and jumped onto a motorcycle that looked equal parts junkyard contraption and futuristic rocket ship.

“I’m finding this story very difficult to follow.” Savant said.

“It was for kids,” Jake said.

Savant’s eyes widened. “They showed this to kids!?”

Brexbin and the children sped through the branches of the Great Bearberry Tree and the world shifted around them. Light stretched, the background blurred and the three bears were soon riding through time itself. They were soon joined by several other riders on matching cycles. They each wore a distinctive racing suit and colorful helmet.

Mason leaned forward in his seat. “TraceRacers! I loved that show.”

“Tracewhatnows?” Savant asked. He was shushed before he got an answer.

“Hey,” Brexbin said as he noticed the other riders. “It’s the TraceRacers. They protect the future from the evil Dark Riders. That can only mean we’re getting close to Futopia!”

On cue, the futuristic city of Futopia came into focus. The three bears stopped their TraceRacer cycles, dismounted and looked around in awe. Rocket ships, hundreds of feet tall, loomed over the streets that pulsed with neon and laser lights. A screech brought their attention back to the ground as a monkey in a flight suit leapt into view.

The monkey removed his space helmet and spoke. “Brexbin, I need your help.”

Brexbin gasped and turned to the new bears. “It’s Commander Mike McMonkey, leader of the Monkeynauts!”

The monkey grabbed the blue bear’s hand and pulled him along the neon lit street. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” Brexbin asked and grabbed the other bears by the hand.

Commander Mike led the trio of Bearberry Bears onto a rocket ship and dropped his visor. “We’re going to save the galaxy.”

"Seriously. What the hell am I watching here?" Savant asked as the Bearberry Bears and the Monkeynaut blasted off in a rocket ride through outer space.

"Those are the Monkeynauts.” Jake replied.

“And what the hell is a Monkeynaut?”

“They’re the Monkeynauts.” Glitch added.

“That doesn’t help me, Glitch.”

“They’re the cosmic defenders of freedom." Jake sang the cartoon’s slogan to help jog Savant’s memory.

The computer scientist shrugged. "If you say so."

“Everybody knows the Monkeynauts. They protect the galaxy from the evil Major Ursa and his Cosmomutts.” Jake explained. He received exactly two blinks in response.

"How have you never seen the Monkeynauts?” Hailey asked. “Every kid watched it.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Savant looked to the ceiling for an answer. “I guess I spent my childhood being better than everyone else.”

Back in the projection, Commander Mike McMonkey’s rocket was touching down on the cobblestone streets of colonial America. Brexbin and the children stepped out of the rocket and smiled as several former presidents stepped forward to welcome him.

It was George Washington who spoke. “As the first President of the United States it is my honor to welcome you to President Town where you, the people, are endowed with the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of fun, fun, fun!”

All of the Presidents cheered, Zachary Taylor dropped the beat and everyone began to dance. Hayes and Buchanan did a mean running man while Lincoln dropped to the ground and spun on his back to the delight of William McKinley.

The Presidential dance party was just getting started when it was interrupted by the fearsome roar of T-Rex. The Bearberry Bears squealed in delight when they spotted a rider on the dinosaur’s back.

“The Dinosty Warriors!” they shouted and they were soon riding the T-Rex through the stone-aged land of Prehistoria.

The dinosaur strode through a jungle village filled with friendly white apes that ran alongside the visitors, grunting and cheering. In a quick series of editing cuts, the children rode a roller coaster along a dinosaur’s skeleton, swung from the trees with apes and thrilled at the real-live eruption of a simulated volcano.

Savant threw up his hands. “Okay, that bear definitely spiked the juice.”

“Shut up, Savant,” Glitch said. “I want to see how this ends.”

The final stop was the royal kingdom of Enchantasia, where Brexbin and the children danced and played with some of their favorite classic characters from nursery rhymes and fairy tales.

And then, as the sun began to set, it was all over. The magic of the Bearberry juice wore off and the children returned to their former selves. With smiles plastered across their faces, they ran off camera and left Brexbin to address the viewing audience once more. “Join me and all of my fun friends at Fantastic Isle and maybe you could be King, or Queen, for a day. I’ll see you soon.”

"I'm pretty sure that's not how royal succession works.” Savant said and turned to Hailey. “Who is this asshole bear anyway?”

“Seriously?” Hailey asked.

“Yes, seriously.”

Hailey shook her head. “Didn’t you have a childhood?”

Savant pointed to the frozen image hovering above the table. "People really went for this crap?"

Lucas gestured toward the projection as a video of a massive crowd lined up at the park’s gates appeared in the air. “Opening day attendance set records. So did the second and the third. The idea was to create a place that was even happier than the happiest place on earth. It looked as if they had succeeded. The whole world wanted to go.”

“But…” Savant goaded him.

“But things went bad. Fast.” Lucas motioned once more and the scene changed to media reports of the disaster. “Hundreds dead. Thousands injured. Millions pissed. The carnage also set records.”

Mason leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. “So what the hell happened?”

“That’s a good question. One I’m sure I can’t answer.” Lucas stepped aside and turned to a gray-haired man in his mid-forties. “That’s why I asked Dr. Calvin here to join us.”

The small man waved to the team and said hello in a weak voice. He didn’t say anything else.

“Dr. Calvin was one of the programmers at the park,” Lucas continued. “He was there at the beginning, so if anyone can tell us what went wrong, it’s him.” Lucas sat.

“All right, Doc,” Mason said. “The question goes to you then. What went wrong?”

Calvin coughed and stood in front of the group at the table. He nodded to each person in turn and took a deep breath. “We don’t know.”

Savant snorted. “What do you mean you don’t know? Bad code? Firmware integration issues? A bad motherboard?”

When the doctor shrugged, it was evident that he was a frail man beneath his clothes. The points of his shoulders all but poked through the fabric. “There was actually never any indication that anything went wrong.”

“Except for all the murdering,” Hailey said.

“There was that, of course,” the doctor agreed with a heavy breath.

“So you’re saying the machines were programmed to tear apart the happy parkgoers?” Mason asked.

“Of course not. What I mean to say is that up to and during the—” he paused here and took another deep breath. “—incident, there was no indication that there were any issues with the equipment or the programming.”

Jake grabbed Lucas’s attention with a glare. “So we don’t know what’s wrong with these things—except that they kill a lot—and you expect us to roll right in and clean it up all in time for a 47-minute episode.”

“Of course not,” Lucas said and displayed a map through the projector. “It's an island, Jake.”

“You can’t roll up on an island, Jake,” Glitch added, most likely thinking he was being helpful.

“Thank you, Glitch,” Jake said and turned back to Lucas. “I know it’s an island. It’s a bunch of islands. And from what I hear, they have a history of bad ideas. Am I right, Doc?”

Dr. Calvin straightened a tie that he wasn’t wearing and cleared his throat. “The islands do have a history, that’s true. They were built in the Gulf as a kind of haven for the super wealthy and, well, that turned out badly. We thought, well, the thinking was, that we could use them for good and help people forget about that whole incident.”

“And you could get them cheap,” Mason added.

“Very cheap,” agreed Dr. Calvin. “Relatively speaking.”

“So, even if we take a boat to Bad Idea Island, we still—”

Lucas coughed.

Jake looked back at the producer. “What?”

“We can’t boat in,” Lucas said. “The island is quarantined.”

“Which means…” Jake prompted.

“Well, in this case it means mines.” Lucas waved a finger around the perimeter of the map. “A whole bunch of them surround the island. So we’ll drop you in?”

“I beg your pardon?” Glitch asked.

“It’s our only option,” Lucas stated. “The government wanted to make sure nothing got off the island. So there’s a no-go zone and a ton of mines in the waters around it.”

“But they’re going to let us in?” Hailey asked.

“Who?” Lucas asked.

“The government,” Hailey said slowly to help him remember what he just said.

“Oh, yes. I told you. We have been granted special permission to fly over the island and deliver you to the destination.”

There was a brief moment of silence before Glitch broke it with the obvious. “You never mentioned an airdrop.”

“It will be exciting!” Lucas grew more animated. He was back in full producer mode now. “Just think of the opening to the show. I see a black screen, dramatic music, and then a sliver of light as the cargo ramp opens. Then,” he slapped his hands together, “fanfare as you all pour out the back and plummet toward the earth. The uncertainty! The action!”

“How do we get back?” Mason asked. “We can’t airdrop up.”

"We've been granted clearance to land once. Briefly. The rendezvous will be here exactly 24 hours after you hit the ground.” Lucas zoomed in on Enchantasia, the fairytale portion of Fantastic Island.

Savant waved his finger in the air as if he was rewinding time. “You briefly said ‘briefly’ like you didn’t really want us to hear it.”

“We can’t risk anything else getting on board,” Dr. Calvin said with a panic growing in his voice. “Landing once is dangerous in itself.”

“It doesn’t sound like you think this is a good idea, Doctor.” Jake said.

“It’s a terrible idea,” he agreed.

Mason looked at the frail doctor. Had worry made him so thin? Regret? Or just malnutrition? “So why are you here?”

“Money.” The doctor pointed to Lucas. “He gave me a lot of it.”

"So, if things go bad,” Jake cocked his head, “we’ll just radio for an early pickup?”

"Um. You see… One year after the incident, one of the machines lured a passing boat to the island with a phony distress call. Since then, all communications have been jammed.”

“Perfect,” Savant muttered.

Mason raised his hand. “I have an obvious question. Why hasn’t this place just been bombed off the map?”

Lucas had no idea. “Politics maybe? It looks bad bombing your own islands, right? And the parent company, DamAnimation Inc., went bankrupt after the incident. There was no money left to decommission the place. It was cheaper to isolate and ignore it."

“So what's the situation there now?" Hailey asked.

The doctor’s bony shoulders rose once more. “It’s been quarantined for a decade. No one’s been on or off the island since then. Most people have forgotten about the place.”

"And you think this is a good idea, Lucas?"

"It's been ten years, Jake.” Lucas smiled. “You'll probably find nothing but a bunch of rusting Animatomatons. A few broken bears.”

"And if we don't? And the danger is still alive and well?"

Lucas got excited. “Then the ratings will be huge.”

“You’re all heart,” Mason said.

“I am that, Mason. It’s only because I think so much of all of you that I would even suggest it. You all are amazing together. You have chemistry. You have the skills. You’re an unstoppable team. This will be nothing for you.”

Mason ignored the false flattery and turned back to the rest of the team. "Look, I for one am willing to go through the should-we-or-shouldn’t-we bullshit again. We all have our reasons to go and I want money. So let's just focus on how to stop it."

“Okay?” Savant leaned forward in his chair. "So tell us where the network hub is located.”

"There isn't one,” Dr. Calvin said.

Savant looked puzzled. "What do you mean there isn't one?"

"Each machine was designed to be completely autonomous."

"And they all went nuts together?” Savant continued. “That doesn't happen."

“They didn’t go nuts,” the Doctor spat.

"What's wrong with them?" Hailey asked.

"Nothing. As far as we can tell they have always done exactly as programmed."

Hailey continued. "But you said the programming was fine.”

This touched a nerve in the doctor and he grew angry. “It was perfect. I oversaw it all.”

The team stared at the older man until he couldn’t hold their glares any longer. Dr. Calvin hung his head. “We neglected to tell them they were robots. We felt it would be better for guest engagement.”

“They don't know what they are?" Savant asked.

"They know what they are supposed to be. You could have a conversation with Lincoln and he would know every single thing about himself. Which reminds me, if you meet him, don't mention Ford's Theatre.”

Jake raised his hand. “The machine actually thinks it’s Lincoln?”

“Yes,” said Dr. Calvin. “And you will too. Many of the presidential units are indistinguishable from the genuine article.”

“Many?”

“We were under a bit of a time crunch. In order to get the park opened in time we focused our efforts on the presidents that we knew people would interact with. Lincoln, the Roosevelts, Kennedy. The more forgettable leaders were given a single phrase or two at most so they could blend into the crowd and sing in the ensemble production. But each one of them still believes themselves to be the genuine individual.”

“And at no point you thought this was a bad idea?” Mason asked. “Because it seems pretty obvious. I mean, sure, we all have the benefit of hindsight and the massacre to look back on.”

Dr. Calvin grew cold and his voice took on a distinct clip. “It was a brilliant idea. The guests would enter the park, dreaming of meeting their favorite DamAnimation characters. And they would. The TraceRacers truly believed they were defending our future from the corrupt Dark Riders and their masters from the Ordinance. Princess Penelope believed she had vanquished a dragon to save her people and lead them to freedom from her wicked Step-Father. The Dinosty Warriors do protect the prehistoric environment from the evil oil empire of Blaxxton and his scientists. And, of course, the Bearberry Bears are every child’s best friend. Every hero and heroine in the park was who they were designed to be.”

“And so were the villains.”

The doctor hung his head again and nodded.

“So you made real bad guys and real good guys. And the good guys couldn’t stop the massacre from happening?”

“Don’t blame me.” The doctor yelled. “Blame the FCC. In the cartoons, the heroes couldn't stop anyone. They could shoot them in the shoulder maybe or destroy a plane, but then there was a parachute. There was always a damn parachute. Even for a dinosaur. Why? Why, I ask you! Not because it made sense but because of some stupid regulation!”

Lucas put his hands on the doctor’s bony shoulders and turned him toward the door. “Thank you for coming, Dr. Calvin. I think you can show yourself out now.”

The doctor took a deep breath and it appeared to calm him. He gave one more weak wave and shuffled out of the shop through the squeaky door.

Glitch raised his hand.

Lucas sighed and called on the cyborg. “What is it, Glitch?

"If all the heroes that were designed to stop them couldn't stop them, how are we going to do it?"

6

It was quiet on the aircraft. The rotors made a racket and everything shook and squeaked. Things rattled and jiggled and something on Glitch was beeping. But the silence of the team drowned out all the noise like some implausible metaphor.

Jake looked from one team member to the next. There was no excitement on their faces. Even the false bravado was missing. At the very least, he had expected Mason to start swearing more after take-off. But even the dependable curmudgeon had grown silent.

The camera drones moved up and down the aircraft aisle searching for a conversation to focus on, but could find none.

Those damn things had become such a part of their lives since they began filming the show that Jake hardly noticed them anymore. They were always there, hovering over his shoulder or sweeping in for a close up on his face. It had taken a while to learn to ignore them. And he had gotten pretty good at it. But in the cramped confines of the transport, they were hard to block out.

Lucas had made it clear that the drones would be on autonomous operation the entire time on the island, so it would be up to the team to help them along by keeping the action and the conversation going so they’d have something to shoot. Otherwise they would hover aimlessly around the team, shooting whatever happened to be in front of the lens.

Glitch stopped whatever part of him had been beeping with a slap to his chest. It wasn’t a minute later when it was beeping again. A flash of red light accompanied it.

“What’s the problem, big guy?” Jake asked.

“Nothing,” Glitch said as he silenced the alarm once more.

“So what’s with the beeping? Is your snooze alarm not working?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. It just, uh, it monitors things like dopamine and adrenaline and lets me know if things are…”

“You have an alarm that tells you when you’re scared?” Mason asked.

Glitch blushed and turned away from the middle-aged man. “Kind of.”

“Can you not tell when you’re scared using human parts?” Mason continued.

“Of course I can!”

“Seems like a pretty big waste of money to have a feelings alarm if you really do still have feelings.”

“Shut up, Mason.”

“All those new augmentations and still no wit upgrade?”

Glitch began to say “Shut up, Mason” once more but stopped speaking altogether.

There was that false bravado. The team could always count on Mason. If he was frightened, he hid it by lashing out. If he was uncertain, he hid it by lashing out. If he was happy, or in danger of showing any emotion whatsoever, he hid it by lashing out. Most people simply assumed he was an asshole. Mostly because he was, but his attitude came from a desire to always appear calm and in control. They could always count on him to take their minds off their worries by creating all new ones.

Savant, on the other hand, was uncharacteristically quiet. The man saw it as his job to provide color commentary on everything that happened to, around, or near him. To clarify the obvious and reassure everyone that no matter what horrible things they may be secretly thinking, there was someone nearby thinking things that were much worse. Every day, Jake did his best not to tell the computer scientist to shut up. But he never stopped anyone else from doing it.

Farther back in the aircraft, Hailey sat next to Kat. She had insisted. In part to keep Savant away from the girl, but also to comfort her friend as they made their way to the island. Looking at the two of them now, it was easy to see that the young woman didn’t need any comforting.

Beaming wouldn’t be quite the way to describe the look she wore. There was obviously apprehension on her face but it wasn’t fear. It was a nervous excitement, like a teenage girl waiting for her prom date to arrive.

Whenever they went on an assignment, Jake worried about his team, his friends. But Kat had always been the one he worried about the least. She was smarter than most of them put together, no matter how many degrees Savant trotted out. She had no shortage of courage and he could always count on her to have his back in a job gone wrong. But, now, seeing that expression, watching her heels bounce up and down, he worried. He would never pry, especially after such a horrible incident, but he certainly wondered how on earth she could be excited to go back.

The only thing bouncing more than Kat was The Beast. Old shocks squeaked as the machine snapped against the cargo straps that held it in place. It seemed more excited to get on with the job than anyone. It was as if it somehow knew it belonged on the ground and it wasn’t having any of this sitting still crap. Even loaded to capacity with the new gear, there was a spring in its step.

Glitch’s fear alarm went off again and he scrambled to silence it.

“It’s seems pretty sensitive,” Jake offered.

“To tell you the truth, I got it so long ago I forgot I even had it.”

“I’ve never heard it go off before.”

“I’m not sure it has.”

“Are you saying you’ve never been scared before?”

Glitch squirmed in his seat.

“Everything will be fine, Glitch. You know we’ve got the best people. The Beast is loaded for bear with all new gear. There’s nothing down there that we can’t handle.” Jake wasn’t sure he believed any of what he was spewing. But it sounded good. And he secretly wished there was someone there that would lie to him in the same fashion.

“It’s not so much what’s on the ground that I’m worried about.”

Jake looked to the back of the aircraft and back to the cyborg. “The jump?”

Glitch’s alarm sounded. He silenced it and winced.

Jake tried to put on a comforting smile. It was probably horrible, but the low lighting in the cargo bay might have helped cover that. “Just let the suit do the work. It’ll be over quick. Then we’ll be on the ground and only have a park full of murderous cartoon characters to worry about.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” The alarm went off once more. Glitch offered an awkward smile and silenced it.

The aircraft engines whined as the machine slowed. The VTOL fans spun up to compensate for the decrease in lift and increased the noise inside the aircraft.

The camera drone that had been hovering nearby spun away and moved toward the aircraft’s cockpit as the mission chief emerged. The man’s name was McMaster, and when he spoke it sounded like broken whiskey bottles grinding together. His face looked like it had broken the whiskey bottles.

The camera settled in front of him but McMaster made no indication that he saw the drone. Peering through steely gray eyes, he looked through the camera at his human cargo and growled, “Get off my plane.”

He swung a fist against the hull and mashed a red button. This changed the atmosphere of the aircraft in half a hundred ways. The lighting turned red and cast the interior in a dreadful hue. Alarms buzzed. Mechanics shunked to life beneath the skin of the aircraft and the cargo deck cracked open. The pressure in the cargo bay dropped and took the timid breath from each of the jumpers as the air grew violent and cold.

Glitch started beeping frantically as he and the others stood and walked with small steps to the rear of the aircraft.

The cameras went first. Half of the drones shot out into the late afternoon sky and hovered just beyond the deck as the team marched to the edge and stopped.

Glitch peered over the abyss and turned around. The alarm was beeping faster and louder now. The accompanying light was going nuts. He put up his hands and was about to say, “Wait.”

“Tip it!” shouted McMaster as he wrapped his hand around a cargo net attached to the wall.

Whether the pilot possessed amazing reflexes or was terrified of McMaster wasn’t clear, but he responded immediately by tipping the nose of the aircraft forty-five degrees into the air. Jake and his team screamed as they spilled out the cargo door and fell toward the island below.

The cameras dove after them.

Jake stopped screaming and started swearing, as was the natural progression of things. He cursed and tumbled through the air, never sure of which way was up but deathly certain of which way was down. In between swears he could hear Glitch shouting somewhere below him and his earpiece crackled to life as everyone switched on their communicators.

Basically what followed was a lot of screaming.

Savant’s was the only one that was actually trying to say something. But it didn’t make anyone feel better. “Everyone just relax, would you? You’re ruining the fun.”

Somehow Jake spun onto his back. His arms and legs now flailed upward instead of down, but he saw past the frantic limbs and spotted Savant gliding effortlessly above the rest of the group. “How the hell are you doing that?”

At one point, soon after finding fame on Scrappers, Savant had attempted to patent his sigh. In the filing papers, he had stated that it carried more subtext than breath and was therefore unique to him and his personal brand. The papers also stated—in tiny print at the bottom—that the sigh was proven to cause physical discomfort in lab rats. What was unknown until now was that the sigh was even more annoying at great altitudes. “Turn on your suits, you idiots.”

Jake reached across his chest and found the switch for his Acro4ria drop suit. Once activated, he felt his suit warm as it powered up. Tiny fins at his ankles and wrists adjusted their angles. Memory fabric took shape around him and he rolled slowly until he was falling belly first. Which didn’t seem any safer.

The air rushed around him and through the suit as the guidance system worked to direct him on his path.

The ambient screams stopped as the rest of the team activated their suits as well. Soon, they were falling together in formation as the Acro4rias’ computers put them all on the proper course.

With his uncontrollable tumble converted to a stabilized flight path, Jake soon found himself smiling as the group sped toward the Gulf of Mexico. The setting sun had turned the water beneath them into a palette of oranges, umbers and reds, and the reality of his predicament disappeared. It was actually enjoyable. He turned his head and the suit compensated to keep him level. The sun was fading over the horizon, losing its fierce daytime blaze as it grew red and harmless.

Jake found the colors soothing and thought it might help his friend take his mind off the plummet. “See, Glitch? This isn’t so bad. It’s actually pretty beautiful, don’t you think?”

Glitch didn’t think so. At that particular moment, Glitch wasn’t thinking anything at all.

“Glitch?” When there was no response, Jake searched the sky for the cyborg and found no sign of him. “Can anyone see Glitch?”

A chorus of noes came back through the communicators.

The sun fell further below the horizon and a shadow crept in to overtake the landscape. And there, in the new dark, Jake spotted the red flashing light that indicated Glitch had most likely wet himself. Jake screamed, “Glitch!”

The rest of the team yelled after Glitch, shouting his name on the comm. But there was still no response.

The light was far below them and getting farther away.

“He probably passed out,” Savant said. “Free fall can do that to big dumb babies.”

Jake tried to dive but the suit corrected his position back to neutral every time he moved. “How do I turn this thing off?“

“Why? So you can flail all the way to the water?” Savant asked.

Jake struggled against the programming once more with the same result. Every move to save his friend was met with a twitch or servo adjustment to keep him away. “I have to get Glitch!”

“It’s easy to turn off. Watch.” A moment later Savant nearly kicked Jake in the head as he shot by in a dive. While many considered Savant an extreme asshole, he had always fancied himself more an extreme sportsman. Rock climbing, paraskiing and skydiving were merely a few of the activities he never shut up about. The team had thought most of it was just talk, but now the weekend warrior demonstrated his ability in a series of aerial acrobatics that benefited no one.

Kat screamed over the radio, “Save him!”

“Why? I don’t even like him.” Savant did several flips in the air and ended with a flourish. “Tada!”

“Savant, get Glitch!” Hailey yelled.

“What will you give me?”

“Are you serious?!” she screamed.

“Sure. Look, I took a lot of jumps to get this good. Being this awesome didn’t come cheap.”

“You’re unbelievable!” Hailey said.

“Your words.” Savant rolled over and put his hands behind his head. He crossed one leg over the other and pretended to snore.

Mason was trying to swim through the air, moving his arms and legs in a breaststroke. It wasn’t working at all. “Get him, you asshole!”

“Oh, would you all just relax?” Savant glanced at his wrist. “I’ll save him in three, two…”

Far below, the red vanished from view as Glitch’s canopy deployed automatically and spread out above him.

Jake could feel Savant’s shitty smile in the fading light. He was about to rip into the man when an alarm sounded in his ear and his own chute deployed. He felt the tug at his shoulder as his plummet ended and his descent began. The air still rushed around him, but with less ferocity, and he could hear his team breathe a sigh of relief as each chute opened.

Savant laughed. “It’s called auto-deploy. You babies.”

Suspended beneath the canopy and drifting slowly toward the earth below, the sensation Jake felt turned from mortal terror to a frightened euphoria. The last rays of light touched their island destination and, as the sunlight receded, the park lights illuminated their drop zone.

Glitch grumbled as he woke. The cyborg screamed once he realized he still wasn’t on the ground. But even his fear turned to astonishment as the park appeared below.

The motors on Jake’s shoulders whirred as they tightened and loosened the steering line to direct him to his destination. The computer was in control of everything now.

All he had to do was fall.

7

With the suit in control, Jake was merely a passenger beneath the canopy. The ride would last three to four minutes and there was nothing he could do now but take in the view.

The park below was brilliant. Lights of a thousand colors rose up from the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, filling in the outline of Fantastic Isle. The park itself was massive.

At one time the man-made island chain had been comprised of dozens of islands, but DamAnimation and its parent company, DamIndustries, had led a reclamation project that connected many of them together to give the park a continuous central footprint.

At first it was a single blob of light, but as they descended, the different lands of the park became evident. Jake could make out the park’s centerpiece. He knew the colorful collection of lights in the middle of the island was the Great Bearberry Tree, but at this height the colors in the branches ran together like the images in a kaleidoscope.

Futopia was much more distinct. Outlined in neon to mimic the gritty, neo-noire style of the show TraceRacers, the lights clearly defined its borders. He could see the streaks of light racing through the air like a time-lapse video of traffic at night.

Somewhere in the futuristic corner of the park was the home of the Monkeynauts, the simian space squad charged with protecting freedom in the outer reaches of America’s galactic empire. Jake found himself smiling and was thankful no one else could see his face in the growing darkness. The adventures of Commander Mike McMonkey and his ragtag crew had always been his personal favorite after-school cartoon.

The Monkeynauts were underdogs, or undermonkeys as it were, poorly equipped and always outmanned, but they never failed to save the day from the alien threat of the day. More often than not, that threat was some sinister plan hatched by Major Ursa and his team of Cosmomutts to spread their particular brand of Space Communism throughout the reaches of space. On the rare occasion, the defenders of freedom and purveyors of despotism would team up to take on a greater threat to show children that you could overcome the differences of any foe as long as there was someone you both hated more.

It wasn’t high art, but Jake had loved it. And when the park had initially opened, the child in him had wanted desperately to go just to meet the Monkeynauts and his personal favorite, Commander Mike. This inner child had reasoned, pleaded and bargained, whispering in Jake’s ear that they deserved a trip to the park, they had earned it through years of hard work and they never got to do anything fun and that wasn’t fair and why wasn’t he being fair? The adult in him told this inner child to shut up because they were broke and no amount of pleading would put money in the bank. His inner child had called him a lame-o and hadn’t spoken to him again. Until now.

Now the inner child was squealing and jumping up and down, wanting desperately to be on the ground. Futopia! Can we go there first? Let’s go there first. We’ll meet the Monkeynauts and it will be everything we ever wanted.

Except they’ll try and kill us, the adult tried to explain, but the kid wasn’t having any of it and it continued to bounce and squeal.

Jake forced his eyes away from Futopia and directed them to President Town. Maybe something educational would shut the kid up.

The colonial village was nothing close to the light show of Futopia or The Great Bearberry Tree. Imitation gaslight lit the streets there and most of that section of the park fell into shadow. The entire land had been designed as a middle finger to other parks that featured a simple hall of presidents. President Town featured the village as well as reproductions of several Presidential residences. Jake tried to identify the homes to quiet the child. Mount Vernon was at the top of a little hill at the edge of the park section. Monticello was at the other end. In between were other homes lining the village streets as well as several monuments housed in white buildings with white pillars. Jake forced himself to recall the types of columns. His inner child was fast asleep by doric and he turned his gaze north.

Prehistoria got the bulk of its lighting from a massive volcano in the center of the imaginary land. Rivers of glowing red lava ran down from its peak and throughout the primeval land, giving it an eerie glow of fire and heat.

The volcano had erupted every hour when the park was in service and there was no reason to believe it wouldn’t now. From a distance, the park appeared fully functional. Which was more than a little suspicious. Power wouldn’t be a problem, but general maintenance had stopped a decade ago. How could anything below still function?

Looking at it now, Jake could imagine the crowds lining Rockwell Avenue and milling about the Great Bearberry Tree. He could all but smell the cotton candy and popcorn from the concession stands. He could hear the squeals of delight from the crowd and the roller coasters roaring along their tracks.

He turned his attention to Enchantasia. Only the fairytale land had the look of an abandoned theme park. There were no lights to be seen now that sunset had swallowed Once Upon a Time Ago castle and the surrounding area. There was no movement that he could see. Nothing. In the other parts of the park, rides still spun and lights still blinked but the fairytale land was desolate and still.

A warning alarm sounded in his ear and the motors on his shoulder whirred once more. The canopy replied and he drifted in a wide circle to the left away from the island. A minute later the suit turned him to the right and he found himself descending straight toward the broad main street at the park’s entrance.

The warning sounded again and increased in frequency the closer he got to the ground. It was two beats shy of a constant wail by the time he touched down gently in the middle of Rockwell Avenue.

Jake collected his chute as best he could figure was the right way and slipped out of the rig as the others quietly touched down around him.

Except for Glitch. The cyborg came in screaming the entire way and landed hard enough on the asphalt to leave a small crater.

“You okay, Glitch?” Hailey asked.

The cyborg took giant gulps of air as he threw the parachute rig off like it was burning his skin.

“You idiot,” Savant scolded. “Screaming like that could give away our position. And crashing down like that… Do you wreck everything you touch?”

“I don’t know,” Glitch fired back. “Let me touch you.”

“Jake, did you hear that?” Savant asked.

Jake ignored him and pulled a flare gun from his pack. He turned and fired into the air to signal the aircraft to send the Beast.

“That’s sexual harassment, that’s what that is,” Savant continued on his rant. He turned and found one of the camera drones hovering nearby.  He looked right into the lens and spoke. “What kind of work environment is Mr. Ashley running here? Tonight on Scrappers.”

“Savant, shut up,” Hailey said in a quieting tone.

“She’s trying to silence me. Do you see that? Someone call OSHA.” He turned back to the lens. “Savant combats a hostile work environment. Tonight on Scrappers.”

The camera drifted up the street while Savant continued talking about himself.

He spun around looking for another camera but none of them were focused on him. He stomped toward one that was watching Kat but it drifted away as well. “Get back here. I’m cutting promos.”

Savant continued spinning until he came face-to-face with Hailey.

She grabbed his attention and spoke through grinding teeth. “I said shut up not because I would revel in the absence of your voice but because we have no idea what’s in this park, where it is or what it is capable of. So the quieter we are, the safer we are.”

The Beast barreled into the ground fifty feet up the street behind Hailey with a tremendous crash, digging itself into the soft asphalt and scattering a hundred pieces of debris into the air. Those pieces fell to the ground in a hundred clattering noises louder than Savant’s promos.

The Travelall was done. The doors were twisted. The hood mangled. The only part of The Beast that wasn’t wrecked in the fall was the unopened parachute strapped to the roof.

The team rushed to the twisted hulk and stared dumbfounded at the sight.

“Everything was in there,” Mason said.

Savant pulled at his hair. “My equipment. My god.” He shook his fist toward the aircraft several thousand feet above in the darkness. “What have you bastards done?”

“See what we can salvage.” Jake asked.

Mason pulled on what was left of a door and the handle came off in his hand. He threw it on the ground in disgust. “Glitch, can you rip me a hole?”

Savant snickered and was duly ignored.

Glitch worked his fingers into the twisted doorframe as a camera crept over his shoulder. He waved it away with his real hand. Glitch pulled on the door. The metal protested with groans and creaks and refused to give more than a few inches. Not enough to get at anything inside.

Hailey watched the futile attempt play out several times. “This is bad. Really bad.”

Jake kicked the Beast and noticed the cameras were focused on the truck. He swore in the radio. “Lucas, if this is you adding drama so help me…” Jake trailed off thinking it best to let Lucas imagine the threat himself. The only reply was static. There had been some hope that an older jamming system wouldn’t affect their newer equipment but it seemed to be doing the trick with no problem.

“The disruptors are in there,” Mason said as he paced around the twisted Travelall. He kicked what was left of the hood. “Our side arms aren’t going to do jack against a park full of rogue machines.”

Savant beat his fists against the Beast and Jake studied the wreck for any point of entry.

Kat was the only one who didn’t seem concerned. She was beaming, twirling in the middle of Rockwell Avenue, soaking in the marquee lights of the cinema. She stopped and smiled. “We’re really here. Everything is going to be okay.”

Savant laughed. “I can appreciate that this place is bringing back some pretty disturbing stuff for you. I mean, you did survive one of the most horrific disasters in recent memory, and being dropped back into the middle of it must be overwhelming, bringing all those painful memories back to the surface and it’s probably a lot to deal with, but I’m going to ask you to stop talking like an escaped mental patient with all this optimism bullshit. Our equipment is gone. Our weapons are gone. Our truck is gone. We are screwed with a capital di—”

The roar came from inside the park and rattled the façades of the Ye Olde Creamery and the Ye Olde T-shirt Shoppe. An L and a T fell from the cinema marquee and fluttered down to the street. The L landed at Savant’s foot. He let it rest there. He wasn’t focused on that. He held up a finger and asked, “Was that a fucking dinosaur?”

8

It was a fucking dinosaur.

The creature roared once more and rattled the windows in the Ye Olde Photo Op Spotte.

“Glitch, get the truck open!” Jake shouted as everyone scrambled back behind the wreck of the Beast. “We need that gear.”

The cyborg found what used to be the tailgate and managed to pull it off the truck’s frame. He heaved the gate into the street, assuming there was no longer any need to be quiet. But he still jumped as it banged along the avenue.

Mason and Savant dove into the crushed compartment and began taking a quick inventory of salvageable equipment. It was a short list.

Wondering how she could help, Hailey tried to peer over their shoulders and into the truck. Standing around and waiting wasn’t her thing. She’d rather be contributing, but she couldn’t see into the truck so she took an inventory of the team members instead. Glitch was working on another door and Jake was standing by waiting to get into the Beast’s back seat. Kat was… where was Kat?

Hailey looked around and found the mechanic in the middle of the street staring off in the direction the roar had come from. She didn’t look nearly terrified enough to Hailey. The young woman didn’t look scared at all. And that terrified Hailey even more. “Kat, come over here!”

When the young woman didn’t respond, Hailey called out to her again. “Kat, are you okay?”

Kat turned. She wore a smile that wasn’t for anyone’s benefit but her own. She was somehow lost in a sweet thought that showed in her eyes. She looked at Hailey, nodded and turned back toward the interior of the park and another roar from the unseen creature.

The ground shook. It was hardly a seismic shift but it was enough for Hailey to instinctively bend at the knees and stretch her arms out for balance.

“Shit.” Mason backed out of the truck and kicked the Beast. “We’re screwed.”

“There’s nothing?” Jake asked.

“I could probably cobble a few things back together, but it’s going to take time and,” Mason pointed into the night, “well, you know, dinosaur.”

There was another roar. This time it came from behind them.

“Leave it,” Jake ordered. “We have to get off the street.”

“Kat?” Hailey shouted to get the mechanic’s attention. The young woman turned and Hailey waved her back. “Come on, Kat. We’re running away now.”

Kat nodded again and started walking further down Rockwell Avenue. Away from the team.

“Kat?” Hailey asked.

“C’mon, Kat,” Glitch pleaded.

The ground was now shaking with every step the unseen beasts took.

A vendor’s cart crashed into the street ahead of them, spilling souvenir coffee mugs and silver keychains everywhere.

The team raced after Kat as she strolled easily toward the end of the avenue where the cart had spilled.

Hailey grabbed her arm. “Kat, we have to go.”

Kat turned and put her hand on Hailey’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Hail. Trust me.”

“I don’t think so, Kat,” Mason said. “You’ve got crazy in your eyes. And not the fun kind of crazy. More like the kind of crazy that gets you on the news.”

Another roar sent the team members digging for their sidearms. Disruptors, EMP cannons and other advanced instruments for dispatching lunatic machines were the preferred method for shutting down rogue machines, but lead would do in a pinch. Sometimes. Probably not on dinosaurs though.

The camera drones pulled in close and circled the team as they leveled their guns at the end of the street. The drones’ AI had picked up the frenetic burst and decided something was happening that could help sponsors sell soap or energy drinks.

One of the cameras turned to follow the team’s line of sight and drifted off toward the end of Rockwell Avenue to capture a shot of whatever it is they might be aiming at.

The team followed with their eyes as it disappeared around the corner. They waited for it to reappear. Hailey figured it would most likely come back with a large bite taken out of it.

But that didn’t happen.

Nothing happened.

And after a few minutes of holding their breath, they all decided nothing was going to happen.

"Hi, everybody."

The team spun at the sound. Glitch fired before realizing he was shooting at a three-and-a-half foot tall bear that was doing nothing more threatening than waving a blue paw in their direction.

The bear lowered his paw and looked at the smoking hole Glitch had put there. The bear’s eyes were impossibly bright. They grew brighter when it lowered his hand and smiled. “Welcome to Rockwell Avenue! My name is Brexbin, TM.” The bear put its other paw over its mouth as it laughed gleefully like some sadistic morning person.

Kat backed away as another roar rattled the windows along the avenue.

Mason spun back toward the sound with his weapon leveled. "What the hell is that noise, bear?"

The bear giggled again. "Now, now, we don't approve of that kind of language here. Please try and remember this is a family place."

"Up yours, bear.”

"Now see, instead of saying ‘up yours, bear’ you could say something like ‘I really like your smile. It makes me happy like warm cocoa on a cold day.’ Wouldn't that be better?"

Mason blinked. “Shoot it again, Glitch.”

Another roar.

"What is that noise?" Savant asked.

"Those are the Dinosty Warriors, TM,” Brexbin explained.  “They can be located in the Prehistoria, TM, section of the park. It's a land of wonderment where..."

Savant put the barrel of his gun to Brexbin’s temple. "Shut up, bear. Where can we go that's safe?"

Brexbin made no attempt to move. He simply raised a paw and pointed to the tree in the center of the park. “The Great Bearberry Tree, TM, is the safest place on the whole wide planet. There you are safe to explore your imagination and go on wondrous adventures that—"

Hailey holstered her weapon. "Take us there."

"No." Kat pushed her way to the front of the group. "We can't go there."

Brexbin giggled. "Sure you can. Everyone is welcome in the Great Bearberry Tree."

Hailey put a hand on Kat’s shoulder and spoke softly. "It beats the alternative, Kat.”

“Yeah,” Glitch agreed. “Cuddly bears beat giant dinosaurs every time.”

Kat pulled away and pointed down the street toward the sound. "But it might be Thorne.”

"What's a Thorne?" Savant asked. "This place is stupid already."

A faint whir of servos sounded behind Brexbin’s face as it twisted into a frown. "The leader of the Dinosty Warriors hasn't been seen in years, I'm afraid. We’ll all be safe in the Great Bearberry Tree.” Brexbin waddled back a few steps, smiled once more and began to skip in place. And then he sang a horribly happy and catchy tune.

Come with me to the Bearberry Tree.

Come with me and there you’ll see a land of adventure and fantasy.

You can be all the things you want to be,

Come with me to the Bearberry Tree.

The bear did a clumsy pirouette and a brief soft shoe before breaking into the first verse.

You can be a knight and save the maiden fair.

Or be an astronaut and rocket through the air.

We can sail the seven seas as pirates old and free.

Anything is possible in The Great Bearberry—

Savant put his gun back against the bear’s temple and the song stopped. "Never do that again."

Brexbin smiled. “But it’s a happy place filled with rainbows full of color—”

"It sounds like a horrible place," Hailey agreed. "But it has to be safer than here.”

"No," Kat says. "They can't be trusted."

Savant gestured to Brexbin with his gun. "You mean that thing might start singing again?"

"I mean—"

Few things stop a conversation like a dinosaur crashing around the street corner of Rockwell Avenue and Imagination Boulevard. This one had three horns atop a mighty shield, burning eyes and a wild grunt. The triceratops thundered down the nostalgic street, shattering the asphalt beneath its massive feet. It roared as it charged and scared the dust from the ground into a cloud that billowed behind it.

Kat rushed into the center of the street and stared down the massive beast. There she stood calm and unmoving as it charged toward her.

Hailey screamed at her to move.

The triceratops stopped in front of Kat with all the grace of a bus with a flat tire and grunted.

Kat placed a hand on the triceratops’s snout and bent down toward it as if she had a secret to share with the giant creature.

“Kat?” Hailey tried to sound calm. She certainly wasn’t calm, but figured it was the appropriate way to sound when confronting a dinosaur. “Why don’t we step away from the dinosaur, honey.”

Kat turned and smiled at Hailey but said nothing.

Before she had time to be disturbed by Kat’s expression, Hailey found herself dropping to the ground to escape a shower of exploding glass. The storefront windows around the team shattered as a whole new set of fearsome screams filled the street.

Hailey spun as several large white-haired gorillas leapt from the stores into the street. Standing well over six feet tall and more than half as broad, the muscular creatures grunted and screamed in Ape as they surrounded the team.

Hailey drew the automatic from her holster and took aim at a gorilla that was charging Glitch. Before she could pull the trigger, the two giants became a tangle of limbs and grunts.

Glitch was slammed into a wall before he had a chance to strike back. But when the cyborg got his chance, he made it count. He drove a piston-powered fist into the gorilla’s chest and sent the Animatomaton stumbling back into the street. The man had spent a fortune in time and money wiring, programming and augmenting himself to be a better person. But he was still human at his core and realized the only appropriate way to respond to an attacking gorilla was to beat on his own chest and scream like Tarzan.

Lacking Glitch’s strength, the rest of the team was forced to hold back the apes with gunfire and swearing. But bullets and bad words weren’t nearly as effective as a cybernetic arm.

Brexbin clasped his paws over his ears, closed his eyes and began singing an annoyingly happy tune about not being afraid. The song, pitchy on purpose, but catchy nonetheless, created an odd soundtrack to the fight that followed.

Gunfire and grunts were exchanged as the gorillas charged and retreated over and over again.

Hailey spun back to get Kat as one of the white apes landed beside the girl. The creature threw Kat over its shoulder and leapt onto the back of the triceratops in a surprisingly smooth motion.

Hailey screamed after the girl as the beast turned and rumbled back into the park. “They took Kat!” she yelled to the rest of the team.

But they were too busy fighting gorillas to hear.

Glitch’s sparring partner had gotten back on its feet and charged the cyborg once more. Maybe the shock of being set upon by apes and dinosaurs had worn off. Maybe Glitch had made an adjustment to an actuator or a relay. Whatever it was, the machine in the man had stepped up and Glitch struck first and fast, driving his fist through the ape’s face and out the back of its head.

Sparks exploded from the white ape’s skull as it fell shuddering to the ground.

The rest of the team had their backs to the Beast and were slowly realizing that their guns were doing nothing to slow the angry Animatomatons.

One of the beasts raised an arm to strike Mason as the man’s magazine ran dry. Before Mason could duck, Glitch had the ape’s wrist in his mechanical hand. The cyborg twisted and sent the gorilla tumbling down the street.

Another ape leapt on Glitch’s back only to end up on the other side of The Beast a moment later. Glitch grabbed yet another by the throat and sent him flying into the first gorilla he had thrown.

The Animatomatons regrouped as Mason and the others reloaded and prepared for another charge.

The three remaining apes postured and mock-charged. They beat their chests and pounded the ground into black chunks of asphalt.

Glitch stood behind the team, looked at the machines and made two grunts that sounded like he was trying to dislodge something in his throat that didn’t want to go.

The three apes responded by standing a little taller, turning and walking away.

Hailey turned to find the rest of the team staring at Glitch with the same puzzled look she surely had.

“It’s called a double belch vocalization,” Glitch explained with an air of intelligence that didn’t belong. “It signals a non-aggressive intent. Dian Fossey and others used it to habituate gorilla troops. I’m surprised the programmers thought to include the DBV. It’s impressive.”

Savant was the first to see the real reason the apes decided to leave. It was over two stories, walked with a hunch and had a giant head filled with teeth.

The T-Rex gave a low roar as it stepped into the street.

Hailey felt the creature’s grunt roll around in her stomach. Her knees buckled and she reached out for the Beast to steady herself. Instead of the truck’s metal skin she found furry, blue paw.

Brexbin took her hand as the Tyrannosaur roared once more. He pulled at her arm. “We have to get to the Bearberry tree.”

“Those things took Kat!” she yelled at the bear.

Brexbin put his other paw on top of her hand. “The Dinosty Warriors have her now."

"We have to get her back."

The dinosaur lowered its head and gave a full blown, open mouth roar that passed through her and continued on down the Rockwell Avenue and out into the world to terrify anyone that might cross its path. The teeth were polished white as if they were lit from the inside. They may have been, for all she knew.

Brexbin pulled harder on her arm. "My friends and I can help you. But, first we need to get out of here. Come with me to the Great Bearberry tree."

Jake grabbed Brexbin’s paw, pulled it off Hailey’s arm and turned to the bear. “Kat didn’t trust you. Why should we?”

"It will be okay, the Bearberry Bears are fun loving, fun giving, fun having friends, TM.”

Savant shook his head. "I'm going to throw up.”

The T-Rex stepped closer and roared again. It was massive and completely historically accurate if dinosaurs had actually worn a full set of plate armor and a horned helmet.

“But I can throw up at this guy’s happy place,” Savant said. “Take us to your stupid tree, you stupid bear.”

9

Few people know the proper way to respond when an armor-plated T-Rex charges you in the wild. A person’s instincts would be to either flee down the street screaming with arms flailing or play dead. This is assuming, of course, that person was not armed with a bazooka.

And who could blame them? The only real world situation that might compare would be with that of a grizzly bear encounter. In that case, traditional wisdom is to play dead, cover the neck and head and hope for the best. Again, assuming no bazooka.

Of course, there is no precedent in which the grizzly bear is wearing a suit of armor. If that were the case, traditional wisdom would be to turn the bazooka on yourself.

What traditional wisdom could never know is that the proper response to being charged by an armor-plated T-Rex is to run into a Ye Olde Photo Op Spotte that had been used to stage pictures with a barbershop quartet known as the Rockwell Rock-Its at the behest of a small blue bear.

“This way, my newest, bestest friends!” Brexbin shouted from inside the Ye Olde Photo Op Spotte.

“Follow the bear,” Jake shouted and waved for the others to go.

The team rushed after the bear as it disappeared behind the disheveled display racks.

“We’re really going to follow that thing?” Mason answered his own question as he ran past Glitch and through the shattered doorway.

Jake was the last one to cross under the transom. He entered the Photo Op Spotte the moment a massive foot crashed down in front of the doorway.

The building shook as the beast outside smashed up against the building’s false front and brought the façade crashing down, blocking access to the street.

“Good going, you stupid bear.” Savant kept his gun aimed at the wreckage. He had no delusions that anything short of a rocket launcher would do anything but annoy the dinosaur, but he insisted on protesting his potential devouring as much and as loudly as possible. “We’re trapped.”

Brexbin smiled and grabbed the corner of the shop’s backdrop and pulled. The matte painting of Rockwell Ave fell to the ground with a rip, revealing an entrance marked Employees Only. Brexbin waved a paw like he had performed magic. “Through here,” he said with an inflection that mimicked a magician’s “tada!”

The bear opened the door to a sterile white hallway still lit by daylight-bright LEDs. The glow stood in stark contrast to the moodier lighting that had lit the street.

Brexbin ran into the hallway and waddled right.

The team followed as the wreckage at the entrance rumbled.

The hallway felt removed from the park. Even the directional signage painted on the walls had foregone the elaborate designs that had covered everything from trashcans to map stands in the park. Instead they made do with simple Helvetica font and yellow arrows.

This particular yellow arrow led them down the hallway as the building shook around them. They passed a half dozen doors, each labeled with the shop name.

Rosie’s Hot Shots was a Rosie the Riveter themed photography studio that specialized in riveter-themed photography.

Gillis’s was a World War II themed eatery serving Patriot Pancakes, Draft Beer and Sloppy G.I. Joes.

The Four Freedoms sold an array of limited edition items relating to FDR’s famous speech that had declared the freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom from want and freedom from fear as universal rights. Many park visitors had browsed the shop but few bought anything, as most of the items were prohibitively expensive.

The Sunday Evening Poster Shop sold artwork while dodging copyright violations.

“Why would anyone want this crap?” Savant asked as the halls thundered with another crash.

“Dude, to prove that you were here.” Glitch was pulling up the rear of the group. He held his hand over his arm as he trotted along.

“Prove it to who?” Savant asked.

“I don’t know. Your friends and family I guess.”

“Those are some pretty shitty friends. Why wouldn’t they just take your word for it?”

“Shut up, Savant,” Hailey barked. “It’s how normal people have fun.”

“Yeah, well normal people are lame.”

They followed the yellow arrows to the top of a staircase. Brexbin waddled down and begged the others to follow. “It’s through here.”

Jake stopped at the head of the stairs and let the team pass him. Glitch arrived last. Running was never the big man’s thing but he appeared more winded than normal. The cyborg leaned against the wall and wiped his brow, revealing a wound on his arm.

“You okay, Glitch?” Jake asked.

The cyborg turned and showed Jake the gash he had been holding shut. “One of those stupid monkeys pinched me.”

“That doesn’t look good, Glitch.”

“It’s my own fault really. I should have upgraded this arm, too. The only reason I haven’t is some kind of stupid sentimental thing.”

A crash indicated that maybe the T-Rex had finally gained entrance into the Ye Olde Photo Op Spotte.

Jake looked back to Glitch. “Can you keep going?”

“Of course I can. It’s just an arm.” The cyborg pushed himself off the wall and hobbled down the stairs.

Jake looked at the bloodstain his friend had left behind. Judging by the size and Glitch’s dismissal, they’d have to do something about the wound as soon as they got to the tree.

Once Jake was down in the catacombs that laced the park, he finally felt as if the island were truly abandoned.

The tunnel stretched on and on, and the farther they went the quieter things got. Aside from the humming of the lights, there was no sound but the slap of their footsteps and the soft but heavy thwump of Brexbin’s padded paws against the smooth cement floor.

“It’s not far now,” Brexbin giggled as he pointed to an arrow on the wall marked Great Bearberry Tree. He finally stopped waddling at a door that looked no different than the dozens they had passed. Flat gray with a silver bar across it, it was a door that could lead to anywhere in any building in the world.

Brexbin turned and covered his mouth for an extended giggle. “Here we are. My Bearberry Friends, TM, are going to just love you all beary, beary much.”

“I want to shoot him,” Savant said. “Please let me shoot him.”

Brexbin pushed the door and let them all pass before letting the door close behind him. The outside of the door was mock oak plank and set in a nest of roots at the bottom of the park’s centerpiece attraction.

Beneath the Great Bearberry Tree, the park was a world of bright colors that constantly shifted in time with some of the world’s happiest music. There were no lyrics, but each member of the team could feel the tune burrowing deep into the folds of their brains, where it would remain forever with all the awkward things the mind liked to bring out in the moments before sleep.

It was a bouncy tune that seemed to say, “Everything is going to be okay, school is great, work is fun and vegetables are delicious.”

Mason pinched the bridge of his nose like he was fighting off a headache. “Please tell me the music stops, bear.”

Brexbin giggled, “No, never. Isn’t it wonderful? It always cheers me up when I’m having a bad day.”

“You have bad days?” Hailey asked.

“Everyone is allowed to have bad days,” Brexbin said with a cuddly shrug. “What’s important is that you pick yourself up and be happy again tomorrow.”

Before Savant could groan, the Bearberry Bear waddled along a red brick path to a staircase that looked as if it was carved from the trunk of the tree. Twisted vines provided the handrails and the team ascended slowly into the branches above.

“Kat seemed pretty freaked out about the bear,” Hailey whispered to Jake as they climbed. “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

“We’ll keep our eyes open for trouble, but how could it be worse than the dino welcome wagon?”

Brexbin stopped at another faux wood door. This one was emblazoned with the Bearberry crest—a pair of B’s set back to back in a crescent of vines bearing fruit. The bear could barely contain his excitement. He giggled and whispered, “We’re here.”

The door creaked open slowly, revealing the interior of The Great Bearberry Tree. Light poured out of the door and the music grew louder. Bearberry Bears were everywhere. And all of them were dancing. Bears twirled and stepped and flipped and spun around as if the team had walked in on some fuzzy Fosse dance routine.

“Sure. Dancing bears. Horrible music.” Jake went through the list as he looked around the great hollow of the tree. “This is worse.”

And then the Bearberry Bears sang.

The camera drones that had followed them through the tunnel spread out through the tree to capture the rare spectacle that used to happen every hour on the hour except when holiday programming was in effect.

Every bear took a lyric and the sound bounced around the tree house like some kind of sadistic bouncing ball that only a child on a sugar high could follow.

We sing as we work away

Singing turns work into play

And so we play the entire day

We really like it better this way!

Glitch sniffled and turned away from the team.

Mason put an arm on the cyborg’s shoulder. “I know, man. Makes me want to cry, too.”

“Shut up, Mason.”

“Wait. Are… are those tears of happiness?!”

“Shut up, Mason!”

“You can’t actually like this crap.”

Glitch wiped his cheek on his shoulder.

“Why, Glitch? How?"

Glitch didn’t answer right away. But he did finally speak. “The Bearberry Bears were the best friends a boy could have. You see, they made bearberry juice and when you drank it, you turned into a Bearberry Bear and you went on great adventures with… you know, friends.”

Mason watched the dancing bears then looked back at Glitch. "Who would want that?"

"I don’t know, Mason. Maybe someone who was never comfortable in their own skin. Maybe someone who didn’t have real friends, who was always made fun of for his… or her… size.”

“This fat little, lonely loser… that was you, wasn’t it, fatso?”

“Haha, funny guy. I’m over all of that. I'm finally okay with who I am and your words can’t hurt me anymore.”

"Sure, that's what growing up, developing a new perspective and augmenting your body in a thousand ways will do for you."

"Shut up, Mason."

At this point the song became a spoken how-to guide for different housekeeping tasks. A Bearberry Bear that had been dancing with a broom took the first line.

Dancing isn’t work so dance that broom around

The next line was passed to a Bearberry Bear holding a feather duster. The bear tucked the duster behind his back, leaned in close to the fireplace mantle and sang:

Singing isn’t work so dust that shelf with sound

The bear belted out a short aria and the dust leapt from the mantle and into the air even though that’s not quite how sound works.

Baseball isn’t work so—

At this point the bear holding the plunger noticed the team standing in the doorway and stopped singing. The bear gasped with a giggle, dropped the plunger and shouted to the others, “New friends!”

The dancing stopped. The singing stopped. Unfortunately, the music continued. The Bearberry Bears abandoned their marks and rushed the team.

Jake and the others soon found themselves surrounded by loveable, huggable teddy bears pawing at them for affection. A blitz of cute and cuddly names came flying at the team as the Bearberry Bear bunch introduced themselves.

Buttersnap, Gingerscotch, Bluster, Jojo, Tinkerfitz, Goldisocks, Lilypuff, Sniggles, Boo Bear and Baby Boo, Snugglefuff, Mufkin, Plixy, Scramp and the list went on and on.

The team shook what paws were offered to them and for the most part it was a fairly orderly introduction.

When Scramp had finally shaken his last hand, Brexbin giggled and announced, “Welcome to the Great Bearberry Tree where children of all ages can experience adventures as big as their imagination, TM!”

“Where do you want to go today?” Bluster asked with a growing smile. “Do you want to fight dragons?” The purple bear jumped back and his plum arm turned into a blur as he acted out an epic fencing duel.

“No, they want to visit the Chocolateer, TM, in the magical land of Desserts and Treats,” argued Sniggles as the bear donned a chef’s hat.

“Let’s go to the beach,” said Buttersnap, who was suddenly in possession of a surfboard.

“No, the mountains,” said Tinkerfitz as he stepped into a pair of teddy-sized lederhosen and draped a coil of rope over his shoulder.

“Everyone! Everyone!” Brexbin called for calm. “It makes me sad but remember we can’t take them on any adventures. We don’t have any Bearberry Juice.”

The collective sadness washed over the bears like an ill-fated wave from Buttersnap’s imagination.

“How can you not have Bearberry Juice?” Glitch asked. “That’s what makes you Bearberry Bears!”

Brexbin turned to face the giant cyborg.

"We wish we did,” Brexbin explained. “Our whole purpose is to make Bearberry Juice so we can make children happy. But the Bearberries in the Great Bearberry Tree have gone bad. We try to juice them and they just crack.”

A chorus of sobs rang through the Bearberry tree as all the Bearberry Bears expressed their sadness in dramatic accordance with their programming.

“There’s got to be some other way,” Glitch said.

“Glitch,” Savant said out of the corner of his mouth. “You realize this shit is all make believe, right?”

Brexbin continued. “There is another way. But since the people stopped coming here there isn't a fresh supply of Bearberry Juice. They used to sell it here. They had buckets of it and they sold it from carts. The people loved it! But it was never as good as ours.”

“No?” Glitch asked.

Cuddlesnuff explained, “It's always better fresh."

“Enough,” Jake interrupted. “Enough about juice and adventure.”

“And dancing and singing,” Mason added. “Please include that, Jake.”

Jake ignored Mason and continued. “We have to save Kat.”

The Bearberry Bear they called Snugglefuff pushed his way to the front of the crowd. “You have a cat?!” He folded his hands and held them against his cheek. “I love cats, they’re so cuddly soft I just—”

“No, Snugglefuff, TM,” Brexbin said. “Kat is their friend. She’s a person and she’s been taken by the Dinosty Warriors.”

There was a collective gasp from the waist-high crowd of animated teddy bears, followed by some chatter about having to help, dinosaurs being scary, but it didn’t matter how scary they were because helping people was what Bearberry Bears did, but yes they were scary, especially the really big ones.

Bluster raised a purple paw and spoke slowly. “I have a plan. We’ll all drink some Bearberry Juice and then use the super strength to rescue your cat.”

Brexbin was all positivity. “That’s a great idea, Bluster, TM. Really good thinking. But remember, we don’t have any Bearberry Juice because the Bearberries have all gone bad and instead of giving off the rich, red and gooey Bearberry syrup, they crack and break like a fallen Christmas ornament.”

Glitch released the wound on his arm and raised his own hand to speak. “I have an idea.”

Sniggles gasped and pointed at the blood that began to run freely down Glitch’s arm. The little yellow bear squealed with delight, “He’s a Bearberry!”

Glitch jumped back. “What?”

The rest of the bears screamed. “Bearberry syrup!”

"No,” Glitch said. “This is blood."

The assembly of Bearberry Bears turned into a furry frenzy as they rushed forward chanting, “Bearberry Juice. Bearberry Juice.”

"No!" Mason tried to pull his gun but was quickly swarmed by Plixy, Mufkin and a half dozen other bears whose names he had chosen not to learn.

The Bearberry Bears continued to chant as they piled on Jake, Savant and Hailey. The three-foot tall machines were surprisingly heavy and brought each of them down before they could reach their guns.

“Isn’t this great?” Jojo whispered in Jake’s ear as a camera hovered behind him. “Your friend is a Bearberry! Now we can make some Bearberry Juice, and you can become Bearberry Bears and we can all go save your cat.”

It took more than a dozen of the bears to take down Glitch. The cyborg fought back against his childhood friends. Goldisocks went flying through the air and landed on top of Tinkerfitz. Boo Bear and Baby Boo had each sunk their teeth into Glitch’s mechanical arm. He flailed about until he shook the two bears free. They dropped to the ground with a fair amount of his forearm between them.

Glitch held up his exposed robotic arm and yelled, “Stop!”

And everything did.

Except that damned music.

The Bearberry Bears backed away and stood in awe staring at Glitch’s mechanical appendage.

Gingerscotch’s mechanical eyes grew larger. He rubbed them each with a balled-up paw and then said, “He’s the one.”

The Bearberry Bears gasped and repeated the phrase, “The one. The one. The one,” until Sniggles screamed, “Get him!”

The army of half-sized bears rushed Glitch in a wave of pastel fur and the cyborg was tackled to the ground.

Mason couldn’t see what was happening, but Glitch was screaming and it made him struggle even more against the bears that held him back. “Glitch! Glitch, speak to me!”

Tinkerfitz pulled the coil of mountaineering rope from his shoulder and bound Mason’s hands and feet as Glitch continued to scream.

The alpine enthusiast made his way from team member to team member and tied each of them up.

All Mason could do was watch the pile of bears swarm over Glitch. Every now and then one would be sent sailing through the air. But it inevitably would land, right itself and scamper back into the dog pile.

The madness eventually ended and the Bearberry Bears backed away from the man Mason sometimes called a friend. Glitch looked relatively unharmed but defeated. The cyborg sat upright covered in enough rope to climb Everest. But something looked off.

Then Mufkin shouted, “I got it!”

The other bears cheered as Mufkin raised Glitch’s enhanced arm above his head and proceeded to parade around the Great Bearberry Tree.

“You son of a bitch,” Mason spat at the nearest Bearberry Bear.

It was Baby Boo. Maybe. Who could tell, really?

The bear looked at him curiously and stepped forward and extended a paw. He put the fur hand against Mason’s face for a moment and then held it up in the air to show the other bears the blood from Mason’s nose. “Dey’re all Bearbeywies!”

Baby Boo leapt on top of Mason and started squeezing the man’s face.

"Get off me, you crazy friggin’ bear."

“It’s okay,” Baby Boo said in an extremely annoying baby voice. “Weel make Bearbeywie Juice and you can become BearBeywie Bears. Den weel all have wots of fun adventwures togefer.” With this said, the tiniest of the Bearberry Bears tried to juice Mason’s head.

Mason screamed at the pain. His friends were screaming as well. Then the screams turned into a roar and the Great Bearberry Tree shuddered.

The Bearberry Bears screamed and backed away from their prisoners as another roar shook the tree. The bears looked around in what had to be fear though it was difficult to tell with those stupid smiles plastered on their faces.

The sound of shredding fiberglass filled the tree house as part of the ceiling crashed to the floor.

The T-Rex stuck its snout into the tree and swung around, nipping at anything that happened to get in its way.

Snufflefuff yelped as the beast snapped its jaws shut an inch away from his tail. He turned and slapped the T-Rex under a nostril.

The dinosaur’s muzzle retreated through the hole in the roof.

Jojo was quick to pat Snufflefuff on the back. “Hooray for Snufflefuff!” he said and the cheer went up throughout the tree. “Hooray for Snufflefuff! Dinosaur fighter!”

The celebration was silenced by another roar and more than a few grunts. The white-haired apes howled as they dropped in through the hole in the roof.

Bearberry Bears scattered and screamed as the gorillas encircled Jake and his team.

“Oh my God!” yelled Savant. “You all had fucked up childhoods!”

A rope fell from the hole in the roof and a woman with dark skin, dark hair and a leopard skin bikini rappelled to the floor and landed in a crouch. One of the cameras centered on her as she stood before them and pulled a stone knife from her belt.

“Holy shit,” Mason whispered.

Hailey didn’t hold back her surprise either. “Kat?!”

10

“Is that Kat?” asked Savant, struggling to sit up in his bindings. “She looks hot.”

Hair flowing and bikini bottom billowing, Kat set to work with the knife against the ropes that bound her friends.

Propelled by robotic gorillas, the Bearberry Bears screamed as they flew about the tree house, crashing into the props that had once been used to entertain parkgoers. Tiddlysmirks crashed through a table. Fizzlybub collided with Hankysmank and the two rolled across the floor until they smashed into a wall.

The white apes roared and beat their chests as they did their best to hold back the superior numbers of the Bearberry Bears from Jake and his team.

“Kat, what the hell?” Hailey asked as the mechanic sliced through the ropes binding her wrists. She sat up and worked on the ropes binding her ankles.

“It’s going to be fine,” Kat said as she turned to work on Jake’s ropes. “We’re here to rescue you.”

“We?” Savant asked as he offered his own wrists.

The cry was primal. An undulating scream full of rage and hope. It reverberated off the walls and for a moment the action inside the tree house stopped. The Bearberry Bears halted their advance and backed away, plush heads spinning, searching. Even the cameras twirled about, looking for the source of the call.

He dropped like a streak of bronze lightning into the center of the fray and landed in a crouch with one hand on the floor and the other grasping a primitive spear. The stranger stood slowly, dressed in nothing but a loincloth and flowing locks of blonde hair that fell past his muscular shoulders.

The army of Bearberry Bears took a step back. All eyes were locked on this new arrival that stood silently before them, glaring through dark eyes from beneath a furled brow.

Kat didn’t hesitate. She moved quickly among her friends, slashing their ropes with the stone knife.

Smiddlefits, known and marketed as an unflinching optimist, broke the gaze first and charged the intruder. The peach-colored teddy dropped his head and ran toward him, letting loose the most frightening scream a 4-foot, peach-colored teddy bear could muster.

The intruder moved like water, silent, smooth and powerful. Flowing over the Animatomatonic bear, the stranger was instantly behind the machine and swept his attacker into the air using the butt of the spear.

“Whee!” Smiddlefits exclaimed as he rose toward the ceiling.

The stranger calmly stepped aside as Smiddlefits began his descent.

The spear entered the bear’s lower back and emerged from under its left eye. The machine twitched violently twice before it stopped moving all together.

The Bearberry Bears gasped in unison at the sight of their impaled brother, the loveable Smiddlefits.

“Brexbin,” the savage stranger spoke with perfect diction. “You foul creature. Release these good people at once.”

Brexbin stepped forward, giggled and spoke. “Thorne, it’s so good to see you. We had heard terrible things. It’s great to see they’re not true.” Brexbin hugged himself and wiggled as he said this. “It makes me feel warm all over.”

“Spare me your false concern, monster.”

“No, really.” Brexbin looked around at the other bears. “We were all so worried about you.”

“I need no empathy from the likes of you.” Thorne slammed the butt of his spear into the ground. Smiddlefits sank another few inches down the shaft. “Let these people go.”

Kat cut Glitch free of the ropes. “Are you okay, Glitch?”

“I think so. Is jungle guy with you, Kat?” the cyborg asked.

Kat blushed and nodded as she helped Glitch to his feet.

“That’s good. Can you ask him to ask for my arm back?” he wiggled the mechanics that protruded from his shoulder to indicate exactly which arm he was talking about.

“We can’t let them go, Thorne,” Brexbin continued. “We’re going to help them. We need to help them.”

Now free of their ropes, Jake and the team gathered together in the protective circle formed by the gorillas. The creatures stood tall and grunted at any bear that approached them.

“They need no help from the likes of you, Brexbin,” Thorne replied.

“But they’re our friends,” Jojo protested while keeping one eye on the ape nearest him.

Thorne scowled at the bear. “And we see how you’ve treated your friends, demon bear.”

“Now, now,” Bluster stepped forward. “Calling people names is not nice.”

Kat whispered to the team, “Stay close.”

Jake nodded. “You want to tell us what’s happening, Kat?”

Thorne pointed a finger at the little blue ringleader. “You will allow us leave of this horrid place, Brexbin.”

Brexbin tilted his head and his smile grew. “Why don’t you go back to your smelly jungle, Thorne? And let us do what we do best. Make Bearberry Juice.”

The bears giggled together and resumed their attack.

Thorne grabbed his spear and launched the corpse of Smiddlefits into the rising throng. The peach-colored bear landed with a crunch on the fiberglass floor of the tree house but the Bearberry mob didn’t seem to care. Showing no remorse, no reverence in the least for the fallen, they stomped on and swarmed over their friend, giggling as they went.

The jungle man became a blur of motion as he used the Stone Age spear to beat back the wall of fur. But the wall was growing. Bearberry Bears came from nowhere to reinforce those that had fallen. For every Smiddlefits he struck down, a Gingerscotch or Buttersnap popped up to take its place. Dozens filled the tree now, giggling, overwhelming and tearing at the gorilla sentries.

Jake and the others drew their guns and fired into the crowd of bears, but for every one that dropped, two more popped up with a gleeful smile like some magical woodland nightmare.

Bluster and Baby Boo launched Brexbin into the air. The furry, blue bear let out a gleeful scream as he flew across the tree house toward the jungle savage.

The tip of Thorne’s spear pierced Brexbin’s side and the bear fell to the ground with the spearhead embedded in his waist. He looked at the spear protruding from his side and chuckled. “That tickles.”

A door in the back of the factory crashed open and more Bearberry Bears poured into the room. The tree itself shook under the rapidly shifting weight of a hundred machines.

Thorne ripped the head off a nearby bear and yelled to the apes. “Fengali! Hole!”

With this command, two of the gorillas broke off from the fray and beat on the floor. Their fists pounded like sledgehammers against the faux wooden planks. The tree shook more violently as they struck the ground and within a minute they had torn a large hole through the bottom of the tree. An ape grunted at Kat and waved her over to the hole.

“Let’s go,” Kat said and rushed over to the gorilla’s side.

“I’m so confused by all of this,” Savant said. “What was this show about again?”

“Just move,” Jake said, and he shoved the computer scientist toward the hole.

“Ugnh,” said the gorilla and pointed to the hole.

“What?” Savant asked.

“He said jump,” Kat explained. “Probably.”

“No,” Savant said as he backed away from the hole.

The gorilla grunted again.

Savant shouted back. “I don’t care what you say, monkey. I’m not jumping.”

Mason shoved him forward. “Jump, you coward!”

“I’m not a coward. Do you have any idea how high up we are? Because I don’t. And I don’t know what’s down there.”

The gorillas were losing in their effort to hold back the bears. Thorne was being swallowed by the mass of pastel colored fur. “Go!” The savage warrior shouted from beneath a pile of bears. “Go, my queen!”

“My queen?!” Hailey asked.

“I’ll explain later. Just trust me.” With this Kat dropped through the hole into the darkness below.

The team watched her go. They watched the gorillas begin to retreat up the rope that had brought Thorne into the fight.

“Go, friends of Kat!” Thorne yelled as he freed himself from a tangle of Bearberry Bears.

Hailey closed her eyes and stepped into the darkness.

Jake fell to the ground and peered after her. “Hailey!”

Her voice was distant but sounded unharmed. “Come on.”

Jake stood and put his arms on Glitch’s shoulders. “Go, Glitch. It’s okay.”

“I’d really like my arm back. It’s new.”

“Later, just go.”

Glitch stepped into the hole and dropped out of sight.

Mason followed and swore the whole way down.

“Come on, Savant.”

“No. I’ll take my chances with the bears.”

One of the gorillas roared in pain as Brexbin and several Bearberry Bears pulled one of its arms off. The other gorillas retreated to the trunk in the center of the tree house and climbed for the hole in the roof.

Even Thorne was making his retreat up the rope.

“Oh, shit,” Savant said and closed his eyes. “Just push me.”

Jake grabbed Savant around the waist and shoved them both through the hole. Savant screamed as they fell. Jake’s own cry got stuck in his throat and before it could work itself free they were on the back of a dinosaur, charging through the park.

11

Going from a tree full of murderous anthropomorphic teddy bears to the back of a charging triceratops wasn’t necessarily a fundamental leap in absurdity, but it did take some adjusting to. By the time Jake had come to grips with their new, yet equally weird, situation, Savant was already trying to scream ‘whoa.’

“Whoa!” screamed Savant. “Whoa! Whoa!”

“I don’t think it knows ‘whoa,’” yelled Jake.

“Well it didn’t know ‘fucking stop’ either, so I’m all out of ideas.”

The two men jostled along ten feet from the ground as the dinosaur smashed its way through the park. Every step shook the ground and tossed the riders back and forth inside the leather howdah that had broken their fall. Every few steps tossed Jake into the air high enough to see over the beast’s mantle. From there he could see two more Triceratops running ahead of them. Between the thuds of the feet, Glitch shouted ‘whoa’ loud enough for Jake to hear.

Savant landed hard in the saddle and grabbed a leather strap. He wrapped his hand around it and tried to find another. “Where is this thing taking us?”

Another stomp sent Jake spinning and he found himself facing the Great Bearberry Tree behind them.

The colorful Bearberry Bears rushed from the door like marshmallows spilled from a box of Lucky Charms. Fluffy and furious, they waddled fiercely down the pathway faster than Jake had assumed a waddle would take anyone.

The Tyrannosaur that had greeted them on Rockwell Ave stomped into the middle of the mob and sent many of the bears scattering into bushes and behind trashcans looking for safety from the 40-foot long beast. The braver, or dumber, ones stood their ground and tried to climb the great dinosaur’s legs.

The T-Rex roared and stomped its feet to shake them free. It snapped at the bears like fleas and gnashed at least a few in its massive jaws before tossing the pieces aside and going back for more.

The Triceratops herd was quickly coming to the edge of the Bearberry section of the park. The beasts circled right around an overgrown row of hedges and barreled what felt like north.

Jake could hardly tell. He was spinning in the basket that had once served as a ride. He finally found his footing and pulled himself to his knees to see where they were going.

Savant refused to get off his back. “What do you see?”

“There’s a bridge up ahead. I think it takes us to the prehistoric area.”

“I’m going to say that’s a good thing,” Savant replied. “Though I have absolutely no way to back that up with facts, hunches or wishful thinking.”

The lead Triceratops thundered across the wooden bridge with Hailey and Kat in tow. Glitch and Mason were close behind and about to cross when the bridge exploded in a blast of flames and splinters.

“What the hell was that?!” Savant gripped the straps tighter as their Triceratops reared back and turned away from the fire.

The other dinosaur had stopped as well, and Mason risked standing in the howdah. He caught Jake’s eye and shouted. “What’s the plan, boss?”

A chorus of giggling rose behind them as an army of Bearberry Bears raced after their prey as fast as their waddling would allow. The plush bear battalion had armed themselves. They waved torches, sticks and God knew what else. The T-Rex was nowhere in sight.

Jake turned back to Mason and yelled, “We’re going to run.”

He drew his pistol and fired at the feet of Glitch and Mason’s dinosaur. The Triceratops sprang forward at the report and rushed toward another bridge on their left.

He fired again and their own Triceratops leapt into action by taking a wide turn to the left. But it was too wide. The creature was heading straight for Brexbin’s evil army and a half dozen camera drones that were waiting around for something to happen.

“Wrong way! Wrong way!” Jake shouted.

Savant screamed, “It doesn’t know ‘whoa’ but you think it knows ‘wrong way’?”

The dinosaur lowered its massive horns and charged on. The sound of a Triceratops plowing into a phalanx of teddy bears was surprisingly squeaky. A delightful squeak like the one found at the center of a plush dog toy. There was screaming as well, of course. The lucky bears were bowled aside while others were trampled beneath the dinosaur’s massive feet, leaving a selection of plush bear skin rugs behind in assorted colors.

Mufkin took a horn in the face. Speared through the eye, the bear kicked his stubby, chubby little legs and struggled to free himself. He ended up swinging back and forth by the eye until the dinosaur decided to shake him free.

The squeaks and screams faded as the elephantine creature reached the southern end of Bearberry Square. The beast crashed across a concrete bridge that separated Bearberry Land from the rest of the park.

Neon lights lined the bridge and flowed into the air along steel beams. Four of these beams met overhead and formed a cradle supporting a large metal globe that rotated slowly beneath a patchwork of holograms. The projected scenes changed often and displayed rocket ships, aliens and thousands of diverse faces smiling in a message of universal acceptance and sappiness.

Eventually these vignettes scattered into pixels, and the hologram’s rays covered the surface of the bridge. They shot back into the air a moment later and came together once more. They danced in the sky until letters sprawled across the spinning globe and spelled out, “Welcome to Futopia.”

The light show only grew in intensity as Jake and Savant rumbled further into Futopia. Every ride and shop had its name projected into the night sky. The animated logos danced brilliantly above the street and distracted their eyes from the path ahead.

Even Triceratops weren’t immune to flashy lights and shiny things. The giant robot grunted and stumbled forward. It wobbled to the right, trying to regain its balance, and threatened to tip Jake and Mason from the howdah. It then overcorrected and tipped them the other way.

Jake felt himself slipping from the leather basket and grabbed for anything he could to keep from falling.

Savant grabbed Jake’s hand and pulled him back in as the creature veered toward the storefronts and promenades that advertised “out-of-this-world” adventures, “other-worldly” experiences and “extra-stellar” coffee mugs.

Jake fell on top of the engineer as the Triceratops’s shield crashed through an awning. The fabric fell and draped over the creature’s eyes, causing the machine to panic. The dinosaur bucked and spun wildly in an attempt to clear its vision.

The first buck slammed Jake into Savant. The second sent them both tumbling into the street.

Jake hit the ground with an explosive breath as the wind left his lungs. He clutched his chest as it refused to draw more air. He didn’t move. He wanted nothing else but to lie there and let it drift slowly back into him. But there was a dinosaur crashing around in the street next to him.

A foot stomped the asphalt near his head with a hollow thunk that made him decide, air in his lungs or not, he had to move. He rolled toward the sidewalk as the creature bucked and spun once more. It came crashing down on the sidewalk and nearly flattened his head. Jake rolled back into the street and back toward the sidewalk once more, before he figured it would truly be best to stay put until the rampage ended or he was crushed. Either way was fine with him.

Savant grabbed him and pulled him to his feet.

Together, the two rushed into an abandoned storefront and watched the dinosaur dance.

A few more spins and counter spins shook the awning from the giant robot’s face. Once the fabric had fluttered to the ground the beast stopped moving altogether, snorted once and ran off into the darkness of the park.

“Hardly a loyal creature,” Savant snorted. He stepped into the middle of the street and found what had caused the animal to stumble. He kicked at a metal rail with his toe. “Here’s what tripped Fido. What do you think it is?”

Jake took a moment to savor the fact that he was breathing once more and joined Savant in the road. The metal rail was about five inches tall and ran as far as they could see in either direction. “Looks like a railroad track. I don’t remember this from the maps. Maybe it’s…” Jake looked up and dismissed his own thought as he pointed to a concrete structure overhead. “No, that’s the monorail.”

Savant kicked the rail again. It rattled. “This looks pretty shoddy.”

Jake recapped. “We were just rescued by a dinosaur, a man and his apes, and Kat, who was dressed up like a jungle princess. I’m not questioning anything.”

“You make several solid points. And I think it’s fairly safe to say that Kat didn’t tell us everything. Why do you think that is?”

One of the camera drones had caught up to them and zoomed in for a close up of Jake’s response.

Jake looked at the camera and then back to Savant. “I’m sure it’s none of our business.”

“I’m pretty sure once a clan of four-foot teddy bears tries to kill you, it becomes your business. There’s probably a legal precedent.”

Jake ignored the comment. He was just as curious as Savant but guessing wasn’t going to help them. “Let’s just figure out how to regroup with the others.”

Savant pointed at the track. “We might as well follow this rail. It’s bound to have a train or something at the end of it, right?”

Jake agreed and they walked down the street.

Savant hopped up on the sidewalk and peered through a storefront window. “It’s a quiet little Futopia, isn’t it?”

“Hopefully it stays that way.”

“No dinosaurs. No bears.” Savant’s head bobbed in agreement with himself. “This is my favorite part of the park so far.”

Jake looked around the abandoned streets. The lights were still pulsing. Music emanated from inside the buildings as they walked past. But nothing was moving. “I was looking forward to this part.”

“Why?” Savant asked, and then answered with another question. “Oh, because you’re an idiot?”

“Not all of us are as jaded as you, Savant. Actually very, very few people are. Probably no one.”

“Thank you.”

“I grew up on these shows. I watched the Monkeynauts every day after school. They were a big part of my childhood.”

“Oh yeah. What was it about? Let me guess, monkey astronauts. I feel like I really missed out.”

“Since you asked, and specifically because I know you don’t really care, I’m going to tell you.”

“Please don’t.”

“The Monkeynauts were a group of, yes, monkeys, trained by NASA for early flight tests. But on their initial flight they encountered a strange light and became super intelligent. They chose to use their newfound intelligence to protect space from the evil Major Ursa and his Cosmomutts.”

“Because these Cosmomutts were trying to pee on everything.”

“Yes, Savant, they were trying to pee on everything and spread communism.”

“So you liked it because it was retarded.”

“I liked it because they were a team. They overcame their differences to solve problems and to do what was right.”

“Holy shit. It was like foreshadowing for your entire life.”

“Not really. The Monkeynauts didn’t have an arrogant asshole.”

“Yeah, Mason can really push it sometimes.”

The track split at the end of the street and Jake looked to the left. The rail continued on a bit before disappearing around another corner. Was that the way?

“So what’s this thing then, super nerd?” Savant asked.

“Really? Super nerd?” Jake turned and saw the building. A sleek, futuristic interpretation of the Roman Colosseum rose two-hundred feet into the air. Banners strung from the exterior featured the stars of the show inside: the TraceRacers and the Dark Riders.

“So these TraceRacers fought these Dark Riders on futuristic motorcycles? No wonder I’m smarter than everyone else. This shit is worse than eating paste.”

Jake stared at the image of the Dark Riders on the banners. The TraceRacers appeared scrappy, and their bikes appeared cobbled together. Classic underdogs. But the Dark Riders were uniform in their appearance. Dressed in black and red, their eyes hidden behind dark visors, these were beneficiaries of a fictitious dystopian government sponsor called The Ordinance and enforcers of their unpopular policy.

Savant pointed to the massive steps that led to the arena. “So do we go in?”

“You just said you were smarter than everyone else.”

“I—”

“And you want to go in there?”

“What? Are you scared?”

“Yes. Aren’t you?”

“I’m not saying I get warm fuzzy feelings from the place, but it’s probably empty, right?”

Jake kicked the rail at his feet and followed it up the steps through the front door of the arena. It suddenly became clear who had laid the track throughout the streets.

Before Jake could explain his conclusion, an unearthly whine caused both men to turn.

The Rider was barely a shadow against the night, but his bike sprayed the ground around him with a purple, nearly black, light. The Dark Rider set a foot down and stared at him.

“Those are the bad guys?” Savant asked.

“You have to ask?”

“Not really. Their design scheme is a complete stereotype. Black on black. Expressionless mask. They probably don’t say anything either, do they?”

“No, they just pretty much killed people.”

“I assumed as much. Should we just run then?”

“Running would be best.”

Futopia’s layout was a labyrinth of streets and alleyways inspired by the dystopian cityscape from the TraceRacers show. The wide avenues were crossed with claustrophobic alleyways that were never intended for parkgoers. Jake and Savant scrambled down the alleys anyway as the whine of the Dark Rider’s cycle filled the streets.

Many led to dead ends, and the two men cut around corners looking for a way out. They quickly ran out of alleyways and raced down a side street toward the bridge that had brought them here. But a cycle cut off their exit at the end of the street. The Rider made no move to dismount but was clearly not going to move out of their way.

Jake cut back to return to the main avenue. Two more Riders shot across their path while a third turned down the street toward them.

The whine of their engines was electric. It built like a lightning strike and crackled as they gave their cycles more and more power.

The Rider that had cut off their escape turned down the street and shot down the rail toward them.

Jake scrambled to the sidewalk and found an unlocked door at a shop called Martian Mementos. He turned back to call to Savant and found that the man was in no apparent hurry to get off the street.

“Hey, moron!”

“Jake,” Savant responded with no shortage of insulting inflection. Even his posture became condescending as he kicked the track in the middle of the street. “They are attached to the rail. All we have to do is step aside and they can’t get us.”

“Move!”

Savant sighed and said, “Just watch.” He turned and walked back to the middle of the street and straddled the rail.

“You are a complete—”

Savant made no move but to roll his eyes. “Respect the system, Jake.” With this he turned to face the Dark Rider speeding toward him.

The dystopian foot soldier leaned forward, streamlining his body against the bike, and twisted the throttle to increase his speed. The distance between the two shrank in an instant.

The Dark Rider was now on top of Savant and the engineer smiled as he stepped a couple of feet to his side. The smile evolved into a smirk directed at Jake as the Dark Rider sped by without touching him.

“Tada,” Savant proclaimed, and he took a bow.

Savant did not see the Dark Rider stand in the bike’s saddle or launch itself into the air. He didn’t see the surprisingly graceful reverse vault performed by the Rider. He didn’t see any of it until Jake shouted his name in warning.

Savant turned in time only to see the masked Rider kick him in the chest and drive him to the ground.

The Dark Rider pinned Savant to the street and raised a fist to strike.

A bullet shattered the black visor and threw the Rider’s head back, but Jake’s shot was not enough to stop the punch.

Savant didn’t necessarily have the best reflexes on the team, but he could cower faster than anyone and it was kind of the same thing. He did his best to curl into a ball and managed to avoid the punch.

The Rider’s fist sunk wrist-deep into the asphalt. It leered up at Jake. The visor gone, the Rider’s face was clearly not a face at all. It was only a patchwork of sensors and servos. Faces cost money and there was no reason to waste money on something no guest was ever intended to see.

Effortlessly, the Rider pulled his hand from the street and stood, lifting Savant from the ground in the process.

Jake leveled the gun at the machine and shouted. “Put him down!” And, before he finished speaking, he regretted his choice of words.

Hearing this phrase, any character from a children’s cartoon had no choice but to comply by throwing the person in question.

Jake did his best to catch Savant. His best being woefully pathetic, the two ended up in a heap on the ground. Jake’s gun spun out of his hand and clattered away somewhere on the poorly lit street.

“Really, you said ‘put him down’?” Savant wheezed.

“Almost as stupid as your ‘tada.’ Now get off me.”

Savant flew off him. The Dark Rider had him by the neck.

Jake desperately slapped the ground looking for the gun. His palm hit only the empty street. He slapped harder hoping somehow the weapon would magically appear in his hand.

And then it did. The gun was in his hand. He leapt to his feet and decided to figure out the how of it all later. But his question was already being answered.

Savant fell to the ground once more as the Dark Rider became occupied with trying to pull a monkey from its back.

The creature was a blur of brown fur and blue spacesuit as it scrambled up and down the dystopian soldier, using all four hands and its tail to confound the machine.

Savant took the opportunity to crabwalk away from the fight. “What is that thing?” he asked, rejoining Jake on the sidewalk.

Jake smiled as he answered, “It’s Commander Mike McMonkey.”

“You’re such a dork.”

The Monkeynaut spoke with the voice of a leader.  “You with the gun.”

The monkey scrambled down the machine’s leg and pointed to the Dark Rider’s knee. “Shoot here.”

Jake did as the monkey instructed and fired at the Rider’s knee. By the time he had pulled the trigger, the monkey had moved on to the Dark Rider’s shoulders.

The Rider’s leg buckled and it dented the ground as it crashed to one knee.

“Now shoot him here, please,” Commander Mike said with a furry finger pointed at the machine’s side.

Jake complied as the monkey leapt onto the Rider’s head. With the flick of a tail and a mighty yank the monkey removed the Rider’s helmet and scurried to Jake’s side.

Jake stood next to his childhood hero and smiled.

“Now in the head if you wouldn’t mind.” The Monkeynaut dropped the helmet and let it bounce away as the Dark Rider moved forward. “I thought that was obvious.”

Jake quickly fired two shots at the Dark Rider’s exposed head. Sparks exploded out the back of the metal skull and the Rider froze in its tracks.

Three more Dark Riders appeared at the end of the street. The rail in the street echoed the change in their direction as they maneuvered their Dark Cycles around the corner.

Jake pivoted to address the threat. “What do we do now, Commander Mike?”

There was no answer, only the scampering sound of twenty fingers.

Jake and Savant turned to see their rescuer halfway down the street.

“Commander Mike?” Jake shouted.

“Now we run.”

12

A lot of shitty things had happened already, so Mason wasn’t honestly too surprised when their getaway Triceratops was shot out from underneath them.

The beast howled as its front legs gave out and it went stumbling headfirst into the ground. Rocks began to spray as its horn caught the ground and dug furrows into the Earth just before it flipped.

The two men were catapulted from the howdah over the dinosaur’s shield. Mason landed hard on a cobblestone street. He was able to tuck and roll, but the smooth uneven stones beat at his back. He felt the rumble in the streets as the Triceratops landed behind him, slid to a stop and kicked up a cloud of dust that engulfed him as he was taking a deep breath. Even over the coughing fit that followed he could hear Glitch calling for him somewhere in the cloud of dust.

The disarmed cyborg found him in the cloud and helped him to his feet. “Are you okay, Mason?”

Mason gave one last good lung-clearing hack and answered, “Never better.”

Glitch acknowledged the sarcasm with a nod and looked at their fallen mount. “What happened?”

“Well, Glitch, it looks like someone shot our dinosaur.”

Glitch shook his head. “Who’d have thought?”

“I did,” Mason said. “I woke up this morning and figured that after we parachuted into an abandoned amusement park we would soon find ourselves without our gear, attacked by killer teddy bears before being rescued by a jungle man and his friendly apes where we’d be put on the back of a stampeding Triceratops only to have it shot out from under us once we crossed into, judging by the gas lights and the old timey buildings, President Town.”

“Hmmm,” Glitch said. “I wouldn’t have thought that.”

A camera drone drifted into their conversation to try and catch the exchange, but Mason saw no reason to repeat the entire conversation. “Yeah. I saw this whole thing coming.”

“Bully!” came the exclamation as Theodore Roosevelt stepped out from behind a stack of wooden crates, cradling an elephant gun in his arms. A bald and spindly looking man stood close behind him.

Roosevelt’s voice boomed. “I’ve bagged us another one for the museum, Tyler. Tag it. Document it and get it to the Smithsonian right away.”

The former president walked toward the fallen animal and stopped in front of the two men. He examined each one for a moment, looked them each up and down. Then he chuckled and waved them aside. “Excuse me, gentlemen.”

Mason and Glitch shuffled aside as the President made his way around the fallen Triceratops to the dinosaur’s head. He put his foot on the creature’s snout, stuck out his chest and smiled. He held this pose for an awkward thirty seconds or so before he barked, “Dammit, Tyler!”

President John Tyler hopped at the sound of his name, produced a box camera and ran forward. He was muttering the whole time. “Tippecanoe and Tyler, too. Tippecanoe and Tyler, too.”

Roosevelt resumed his pose as Tyler fumbled with the camera. The flash soon followed and Tyler gave a thumbs up. “Tippecanoe and Tyler, too.”

“Bully,” said Roosevelt and waved Tyler away.

The President nodded and said, “Tippecanoe and Tyler too,” once more then scampered off.

“Now, may I ask who you two stout gentlemen are that could break this magnificent beast and ride it—not without some trouble obviously— but ride it nonetheless into President Town?”

“Well,” Mason said. “We call this guy Glitch because we don’t respect him enough to use his real name, and I’m the guy that’s pissed off you shot our dinosaur. So, who the hell are you?”

Roosevelt had big teeth and a bigger laugh. He bared them both with a lungful of hearty chuckling that only made Mason angrier.

Glitch leaned in toward Mason. “Mason, this is Theodore Roosevelt. The 26th President of the United States.”

Roosevelt stuck out his hand. “Indeed I am, son. It’s a pleasure to meet both of you fine citizens. I must make my apologies for shooting your beast here—if indeed your claim is true. I wouldn’t have shot it had I known better.”

“You just go around shooting everything you see?” Mason asked.

“It seemed like the appropriate action at the time.” Roosevelt looked up and to the right. He stared into the distance as his hands found his lapels. “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” The President nodded like he had said something important.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Mason said and threw a thumb in Glitch’s direction. “And I work with this guy every day.”

But the transgression had been forgotten and Roosevelt smiled once more. “Now tell me, friends. What brings you to President Town today?”

Glitch spoke up. “We just escaped from the Bearberry Bears, sir. They tried to kill us and our friends. Now we have to find them. Our friends that is. That’s who we have to find.”

“Bearberry Bears,” Roosevelt spoke the words like they were a curse.

“Yeah,” Mason said. “You know those sadistic little Teddy Bears?” Before he could react, the President was in his face.

“Do not call them that.” Roosevelt glared into Mason’s eyes, then he looked up and to the right. He stared into the distance as his hands found his lapels. “The one thing I want to leave my children is an honorable name.”

“Okay,” Mason said and tried to back away.

But, Roosevelt grabbed him by the throat and lifted him from the ground. “Never besmirch it by attaching it to those devils. Do we understand each other?”

Mason’s voice was barely a squeak through the robot’s grip. “We understand each other.”

The President set Mason back on his feet and smiled broadly once more. “Bully! I’ll want to hear more about your friends. Perhaps my battalion of statesmen and I can help you.”

“That would be great, sir,” Glitch said.

“Quit calling him sir, Glitch. It’s just a stupid robot.”

Theodore’s voice grew solemn once more. “Son, I am the President of the United States of America.”

“Some of us have respect for the office, Mason,” Glitch said. “No matter who sits in it.”

This set the President to laughing again. “Did you hear that, Tyler?”

President John Tyler gave a thumbs up and yelled, “Tippecanoe and Tyler too!”

Mason pointed to Tyler and asked, “What is wrong with President Catchphrase?”

“What do you mean?” Teddy asked.

“Is that all he says?”

“It is,” confirmed Roosevelt.

“Any reason for that?”

“I could never figure that out myself. My best guess is if you haven’t done much, you really don’t have much to say.”

“Mission accomplished!”

“Now let me be clear!”

The two panicked shouts came out of the darkness moments before Presidents Bush and Obama appeared in the street. The two ran straight for Roosevelt.

“Mission accomplished!” Bush shouted, pointing down the gas lit street behind him.

“Calm down, George,” Roosevelt said. “Just tell me what you saw.”

President Obama jumped in to explain the situation. “Now let me be clear. Now let me be clear.”

Roosevelt’s face grew more and more stern as Obama insisted over and over again that he be clear. He fed another round into his hunting rifle and snapped the barrel shut. “That son of a bitch.”

Roosevelt took off down the street. Tyler, Obama and Bush ran after him.

Mason yelled after the Presidents, “Who’s a son of a bitch?”

“Taft,” was Roosevelt’s only explanation.

Mason and Glitch shared a look that said, “You know, now that we suddenly find ourselves alone next to the corpse of a robot dinosaur on a gas lit, cobblestone street on an abandoned island in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, it might be a good idea to stick with President Roosevelt.”

With the look shared and silently agreed upon, the two ran after the Presidents.

They caught up to the four machines as they rounded a corner and saw what had gotten Obama and Bush so excited.

“Oh blast,” Roosevelt said gazing upon the scene before them. “They caught Harding.”

They were standing in the middle of Ronald Reagan’s Contra Bandstand. LBJ had Warren G. Harding in a full nelson while Jimmy Carter beat on the 29th President of the United States with an oversized Habitat for Humanity hammer.

LBJ shouted, “Hit him again, Jimmy.”

President Carter shouted, “Not just peanuts!” and struck Harding in the head with the hammerhead.

“That’s for appointing Daugherty!” cried LBJ as the hammer bounced off the robot Harding’s metal forehead.

“Not just peanuts!” Carter screamed, and struck the former President again.

“And that’s for Teapot Dome!”

Carter smiled as he spun the hammer around in his hand. He drove the claw through Harding’s forehead, killing the President faster than a heart attack in San Francisco.

A burst of sparks erupted from Warren G’s temple and for the second time in his life, the scandal-ridden President fell to the ground dead.

Carter giggled with a southern accent as Harding collapsed. “Not. Just. Peanuts.”

The blast from Roosevelt’s gun tore a hole in Carter’s chest and the former Commander in Chief flew into the air. He soared several feet before crashing through the window of Clinton’s Cigar Emporium.

Johnson turned and smiled. “Roosevelt.”

“You’re next, Lyndy.” Teddy snapped open the barrel of his rifle and pulled the spent cartridge.

“I don’t think so, Teddy.”

Roosevelt dropped two fresh cartridges into the barrel and snapped it shut. He pulled the Holland & Holland to his shoulder as Johnson started forward.

The first shot missed and shattered the window to Tricky Dick’s Magic Shop, but the second shot tore through LBJ’s shoulder and sent him spinning to the ground.

Teddy broke the barrel again and pulled out the empty casings.

LBJ rose to his full six-foot-four stature. His right arm dangled limp at his side so he pointed with his left. “One of these days, Roosevelt, you’re going to get the Johnson Treatment. And I’m going to give it to you.”

With this, LBJ turned and ran off into the park.

Roosevelt snapped his rifle closed. “Is it just me or did that always sound dirty?”

The other three Presidents giggled at the remark.

Bush nodded with a laugh and said, “Mission accomplished.”

Obama agreed with a hearty, “Now let me be clear.”

Tyler gave a boisterous, “Tippecanoe and Tyler too.”

Mason gave Glitch a confused look. They were used to dealing with machines and shutting down violent robots. But those machines rarely had personalities, let alone recognizable faces. And it wasn’t so much that he knew Warren G. Harding’s face, or when he was president, or anything the man had done, but it was all very disturbing nonetheless.

“Mister President,” Mason said. “What is happening here?”

Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States, trustbuster, founder of the national park system and face on Mount Rushmore looked at the two men, took a deep breath and said, “I’m not going to lie to you boys. It’s pretty fucked up.”

13

The triceratops rushed through the park with several of the white apes racing along beside it like some hairy version of the Secret Service.

Hailey was tossed back and forth and around the bottom of the leather basket on the beast’s back as she did her best to hold on to both the howdah and her grasp of reality. Kat wasn’t helping with that last bit.

The young woman stood barefoot on the triceratops’s back as it galloped along. The wind ripped through her long, black hair as she stood like a rock atop the dinosaur’s shoulders. Her legs absorbed every one of the creature’s steps with what appeared to be nothing more than an unconscious movement. It was as if she had done this before. A lot.

Hailey wrapped her hand around a leather strap and stopped her constant tumble about the basket long enough to peer over the back of the dino. The wooden bridge continued to burn in the distance. From the basket, it was impossible to tell if the structure had collapsed or survived, but her friends were no longer behind them. She hoped they hadn’t been caught in the explosion. There was no way to tell. The comms were useless. Shouting was futile.

One of the camera drones buzzed overhead, but its lens was focused on the odd spectacle that was the team’s mechanic steering a thirty-foot lizard with nothing but her voice. But even if Hailey was in the camera’s eye, there was no way to signal the others.

Kat shouted something that sounded more like a grunt than words and the dinosaur responded instantly by turning slightly right and speeding up.

Hailey slid across the basket once more but this time she was able to pull herself up to a, roughly, seated position.

Kat leaned into the turn and stood through it all. She never even repositioned her feet. She screamed something in a language Hailey couldn’t come close to identifying. The response to her call was a low rumbling groan and the sharp creaking of a wooden door.

The gates were massive and constructed of timbers still covered in bark. Hailey didn’t even see them until they passed through. They were fifty feet tall at least and lashed together with ropes twice as thick as her arm.

Once inside, the apes broke off from their escort and rushed to help close the giant doors. The ropes creaked, the wood groaned and the colossal structure closed, shutting off the entrance of Prehistoria from the rest of the park.

Kat shouted something that would draw stares in the real world. But, since the real world had taken a back seat to this imagination nightmare, the triceratops responded to the command and slowed to a gallop, then a walk and eventually stopped altogether.

Kat grunted something that had to be the equivalent of “good boy” and turned to Hailey. “We’re here.” She stepped into the air and dropped silently to the ground below.

Hailey let out the breath she suddenly realized she’d been holding for most of the ride and chose to ask just one of the thousand questions that were running through her head. “Where in the hell is ‘here,’ Kat?”

“Home,” Kat said and smiled. “Here is home.”

Hailey sat up and looked around. A couple of dozen white apes milled around. And that should have seemed odd, but she had already seen those, so she merely mused at how quickly someone could adjust to the bizarre and gaped at the giant tigers instead. Those were new.

More than a few of these mingled with the white apes in a village composed of straw huts and lit by a massive brazier suspended by three crossed timbers that towered above them. The blazing fire crackled, casting sparks and shadows on the prowling cats and the rest of the village.

“Home sucks, Kat.”

“But home is always safe.” The mechanic held out her hands to help Hailey from the back of the triceratops.

Hailey slid to the ground, thankful to have her feet, and not a prehistoric animal, under her once more. She rubbed the tops of her legs and looked around the village. Thatched huts lined the edge of the clearing. Beyond them were massive palm trees larger than Hailey had ever seen. Another clearing had a collection of animal skin drums and crude percussion instruments formed from hollow logs. She figured the only thing missing was a giant pot of boiling water to cook their captives in. But then she spotted it behind one of the tigers.

Hailey nodded as if to cement the image in her new reality. “Okay, my first question is going to be about, oh, let’s start with the jungle queen get-up.”

Kat laughed. “Oh, this is because I’m the jungle queen.”

“Of course you are. Okay that was a stupid question, I guess. Let’s move on to the gorillas.”

“These aren’t gorillas.” Kat leaned in close and whispered, “And for the love of God don’t call them monkeys.”

“Well obviously I’d never dream of it.”

One of the white apes grunted and charged forward as if it had understood the slight. Kat dismissed the ape with a sound that rose from her throat and stopped about the same place.

She turned back to Hailey. “These are the Fengali. Far more intelligent than any ape known to man. They are the dominant life form here in Kandallaha.”

“Of course they are.”

Kat stuck out an arm and one of the Fengali moved closer. “This is Kor. This is his tribe. He and his warriors led the rescue.”

“Um, thank you, uh, Kor.”

The Fengali nodded and grunted. He put an arm around Kat’s shoulder, squeezed her and walked off to join a smaller Fengali. The pair embraced and turned to watch the stranger together.

“Okay,” Hailey said. “And what are the tigers called?”

“Tigers.”

“Clever,” Hailey nodded calmly and then exploded. “Kat what the hell is going on?”

Behind them, the gates groaned and creaked and opened once more. Hailey spun at the sound. She could see the giant gates swinging open over the tops of the tallest trees in the village.

The Fengali grew excited and began to hoot and grunt in excitement. They didn’t seem to be frightened or threatened by the tremor that built in the ground.

Hailey put out her hands instinctively as the rumble grew more intense. “Is this a run and scream situation, Kat?”

Kat’s smile grew and she turned toward the path that led to the gates. “Not at all.”

Hailey wasn’t sold on the answer but she held her ground and tried to make her knees stop shaking. She had only seen the Tyrannosaur in shadows and a little of its nose when it shoved it into the Bearberry Tree. The beast was tremendous and terrifying. It lumbered into the village as the Fengali cheered and jumped and spun with excitement. Hailey trusted her friend, really, but she knew she would feel more comfortable running away from the dinosaur.

The T-Rex stopped only fifteen feet from the pair and tilted its head at the stranger like an inquisitive puppy. It was kind of cute. Then it roared.

The leaves of every tree shook. The huts rattled. The Fengali returned a roar of approval and beat their chests. Some danced by spinning in place and leaping into the air over and over.

The T-Rex snapped its jaws shut and stared at the two women on the ground. Then it made another sound that surprised her. It sounded like a gentle question. Like the family dog asking where the treat you just had in your hand went.

“Hi, Jambha.” Kat said. “You were great, girl. Thank you for your help.”

Jambha squeaked in delight and lowered her square head slowly to the ground in a majestic bow.

Hailey resisted the urge to run as the jaws came closer and closer.

Jambha set her head on the ground and she wasn’t sure if a T-Rex could smile, but it looked like it smiled.

Kat scratched the creature’s snout and received another satisfied squeak. Kat took Hailey’s hand and drew it toward the beast. “Hailey, this is Jambha. Jambha, Hailey.”

Hailey didn’t pull her hand away, but it hardly went willingly. She soon found herself scratching the dinosaur’s snout and stammering through her greeting. “Hi, uh, Jambha. Um, thank you.”

“And this is Thorne.”

Petting a T-Rex—even a robot one—was such a captivating experience that Hailey hadn’t noticed the man that had been riding on the animal’s head. This was surprising, because he was hard to miss.

Thorne stood well over six feet tall and had long, dirty-blond hair that draped over the broadest shoulders Hailey had ever seen. The light from the fire above flashed shadows over his chest and found muscles that comic book artists had yet to discover. And, the loincloth, well, it worked for him. Hailey gave a timid wave.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, dear friend Hailey,” he said as he stepped from Jambha’s head and took her hand. “I am pleased to see that you are not injured and that you have returned here safely with my dear Katherine.”

Thorne turned and took Kat’s hands in his own. They looked longingly into one another’s eyes. It was starting to get a little weird when Thorne leaned in and kissed the girl. Kat made no effort to move and that’s when it became weird.

The already awkward kiss was uncomfortably long. Hailey looked away and only cast quick glances back until she saw the two separate.

“My dear, sweet Kat. My queen.”

Kat sighed longingly at the machine man.

“Okay,” Hailey interrupted. “I have all new questions now.”

Thorne draped an arm over Kat and turned back to Hailey. “Of course. You must. This must seem so foreign and alien to you, a person from the outside world first seeing our home amid the jungle. I’ve been here for so long myself that I’ve forgotten what it must be like to look upon it for the first time. I imagine it must bring about a certain wonder. An epiphany that there is a world larger than one’s own.”

“I was going to say weird and creepy but your words work, too.”

“It’s not weird, Hailey,” Kat protested.

“It’s a little weird.”

Kat’s lip stiffened and she crossed her arms.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Hailey asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe I thought people would call it weird and creepy.”

“Fair enough.” Hailey looked away. “But it is.”

“Ladies, please. I fear this is not the time, nor the place, for arguments. We have larger concerns.”

Kat’s posture loosened. “Yes. What about my friends? Where are they?”

Thorne turned and looked toward the direction of the wall. “The Fengali followed as long as they dared. Your friends did escape the demon bears but I fear they’ve wandered too far for us to follow.”

“What are you talking about?” Hailey asked. “You have a damn dinosaur.”

“Please, friend Hailey, that language is uncalled for. But, yes, Jambha is fierce. But she tires easily. She must sleep before we can follow into the outer reaches of Kandallaha.”

“He means the park,” Kat said.

“Ah, my queen, my love. She talks sense when I cannot find the words.” He stood in front of Kat once more and took her hands in his. “She is my everything.”

They locked eyes once more so Hailey coughed for attention and asked, “What about our friends?”

Thorne managed to pull himself away from his queen and spoke to them both. “Shashanna says they are safe for now.”

“Who the hell is Shashanna?” Hailey asked.

“His eagle,” Kat said. “He has an eagle.”

“Of course he does.” Hailey threw up her arms and dropped to the ground. She leaned back against a log and snorted her disbelief.

“You must be tired, friend Hailey,” Thorne said. “You’ve had a trying day. The Fengali can prepare a hut for you if you wish to sleep.”

Hailey grabbed a handful of her hair and blew out a large breath. “You know what? I’m really fine. But, I would really like to know what’s going on. The truth this time, Kat.”

Kat took a deep breath of her own and nodded. “You’re right. I owe you that. I was sixteen when we came to the park. My parents surprised me on my birthday with the tickets. I was so excited. You have to understand that at that point it truly was the most magical place, it hadn’t turned into blood-fueled nightmare yet. This place had everything. I grew up watching the Bearberry Bears—”

“Those vile creatures,” Thorne interjected.

“—and I wouldn’t have admitted it but I was excited to see Enchantasia. I grew up with all of those characters. I had the toys, the lunchboxes. And it was amazing. It was everything they promised. Until the third day.”

Thorne took her hand. She covered his hand with her free hand and squeezed.

“I’m not sure what started it. No one is. But it went from gleeful squeals to screams of terror in an instant. It was chaos. The crowd panicked and ran. But no one knew where to run. In the madness, I was separated from my family.”

“A poor child alone in such horror,” Thorne added.

“I looked for them. I screamed for them but I couldn’t find them.”

Thorne’s voice grew more dramatic. “A lost soul in a sea of human madness. An innocent soul in—”

Kat tapped his hand. “I’ve got this, honey.”

“But of course, my dear sweet Kat. Please continue.”

“I was swept into the mob and thrown to the ground. I bashed my knee and between the pain and mob, I could hardly get to my feet before I was knocked back to the ground.”

Thorne stroked her hair. “The poor thing.”

“I knew, really knew, that I was going to die. But I managed to somehow crawl out of the madness into the hollow of some fake tree.” She took a deep breath that did nothing to calm her. “All I could do was watch the insanity. People were trampling one another. They were sacrificing each other to save themselves. Then the machines caught up to them and set upon them.”

“What did you do?” Hailey asked.

Kat dropped her head. “Nothing.”

“My brave Queen,” Thorne bellowed.

“There was nothing I could do. They were everywhere. Pulling people to the ground and dragging them away as they screamed for mercy. And they sang that terrible song the entire time.”

Hailey didn’t know what to say. “Kat, I didn’t know. How did you get here?”

“I hid for hours,” she continued. “It was dark when they found me. Most of the park had emptied out but I was too afraid to move.”

“Who found you?”

“Those fucking bears. They came with smiles and outstretched paws. They asked me what was wrong and did I need help. Their park attendant programming was oblivious to their actions. I didn’t know what to do, so I took their paw and let them pull me from the tree. Everything seemed like it was going to be fine. They were the helpful friends I remembered from the cartoon.”

Kat grew quiet.

Thorne could see the hurt in her. “Be brave my love.”

“Everything was fine until they saw the blood on my knee. At that point they worked themselves back into a frenzy. Convinced I was a Bearberry, they grabbed me and dragged me through the park. They were going to make me into Bearberry Juice, they said. They’d turn me into a Bearberry Bear and we’d go on amazing adventures. But I knew what was happening.”

Hailey had seen the madness herself inside the Great Bearberry Tree. Once they had spotted the wound on Glitch’s arm they had gone mad with bloodlust. “Why would they do that?”

“Friend Hailey,” Thorne said. “Everything in this world has a purpose. For some it is to do good. For others it is to do harm. For the Bearberry Bears it is to make Bearberry Juice and transport children to a world of adventure and happiness. That is their purpose.”

“With the blood of humans? I wasn’t a big fan of the show but I think I’d remember that.”

“For whatever reason, the berries on their tree have soured. They are confused creatures that believe the juice of the berry is in the sweet and gentle creatures that visit Kandallaha. So you see, they are only pursuing their true purpose, vile though it may be.”

“And what about you, Thorne?” Hailey had to remind herself she was talking to a machine. It was easy to forget. Looking at him wasn’t helping. “What is your purpose?”

“My purpose is to protect the innocent people of Kandallaha. Primarily from the evil designs of the Blaxxton Corporation and their host of evil scientists sent back in time to pillage the resources of—”

“Thorne,” Kat prompted him to hurry and it got his attention.

“My apologies, my love.” He looked back at Hailey and continued. “I am the leader of the Dinosty Warriors and it is my duty to help those that cannot help themselves.”

“I’m guessing that had something to do with how you two met,” Hailey said.

Kat turned to her jungle king and looked deep into his eyes. “He saved me. He dropped from the sky and rescued me from Brexbin and the others and then brought me here. He kept me safe. While the world outside spent weeks wondering what went wrong and what to do, he protected me. This became my home. When they finally came for me, I didn’t want to leave. So I hid. It wasn’t until later that I got off the island.”

“And now she has returned to us. In our darkest hour.” Thorne said quietly with love in his voice. Then he turned to the village and shouted, “Our Queen!”

This drew a rousing cry of grunts and whoops from the Fengali. Raspberries seemed another popular form of celebration amongst the creatures.

“What do you mean your darkest hour?”

“Things have changed. For years Kandallaha has been peaceful with each tribe acting according to their purpose. The Futopians fought Futopians. The President Townians each sought to rule President Town as they best saw fit. And the Enchantasians were happy and cheery—” Thorne got lost in his own thoughts and drifted off. “—always so cheery.”

He turned towards the gate and continued. “But now Enchantasia has grown dark. We’ve heard nothing from our friends in Futopia. Even the Blaxxton Brigade has gone missing. And if you have questions, I’m afraid I have no answers as to why any of this is happening.”

“The Blaxxton Brigade?” Hailey asked.

“My nemesis. Thaddeus Blaxxton and his evil scientists. They have come from the future to ravage and pillage this land of its resources. It is my purpose to stop their evil ways. But I cannot stop them if I cannot find them.”

Hailey turned to Kat. “What if they got off the island?”

“They would never do that,” Thorne answered. “Their purpose, foul as it is, is here in Kandallaha.”

“It’s the bears, Hail,” Kat said.

“What do you mean?”

“They exist only to turn people into Bearberry Bears and spread happiness to everyone.” Kat looked toward the gates and the Great Bearberry Tree beyond. “And nothing is going to stop them.”

Kat grew quiet after this and she stared into the night.

Thorne stepped silently next to her and put an arm around her. “It will be all right, my love.”

“Okay,” Hailey said as she stood and knocked the dirt from her hands. “Just so you know, this whole robot lover thing is still really creepy.”

It was obvious from the kiss that Kat didn’t care.

14

Jake and Savant followed the monkey down the Futopian streets as the evil whir of the Dark Rider’s cycles raged behind them. Tires squealed against the asphalt and the bikes banged against the metal track as the dystopian enforcers gave chase to the two men and the space monkey.

Commander Mike ducked into a store called Flying Saucers and Cups and waved for the pair to follow him. Though large for a monkey, he was fast and nimble and it took the two men some time to catch up.

Commander Mike held the door and waved them into the store. “In here, new friends.”

Two of the cameras zipped in through the open door ahead of Jake and Savant. Commander Mike let the door slam shut and it rattled closed as the Dark Riders pulled up in the street outside.

The Monkeynaut scrambled over a broken mess of porcelain that had once been the shop’s offering of souvenir cups and, not so cleverly, saucers. He reached the back of the shop and propped open the employee entrance.

“Another secret tunnel? Perfect,” Savant grumbled and stepped through the door. The monkey grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back into the store.

“Watch it, monkey!”

Commander Mike put a finger to his lips and furled his brow. He said nothing but pointed frantically beneath the store’s counter and dove underneath. Using his hands and tail he brushed aside some debris to reveal an a/c vent which he lifted up. He then used his tail to direct the men inside.

Savant stepped back and shook his head for only a second before Jake shoved him to the floor and pushed him into the passage.

Jake followed and was relieved to find the air vent was large enough that he could crawl on hands and knees instead of slithering through on his stomach.

The grate closed behind them as Commander Mike followed. The monkey slid past him and pressed a finger to his lips to indicate silence once more. He then shot between Savant’s legs and shushed the startled engineer as well.

Savant stopped crawling and remained still.

Jake remained silent and motionless on his hands and knees in the vent for long enough to finally wonder if they should be taking orders from a robot monkey. Even if it was Commander Mike.

Then the footsteps fell above them and he found himself reluctant to breathe. A dozen feet belonging to half a dozen Dark Riders trampled the floor above them. The shop had been ravaged over the years but enough uncrushed ceramic remained to crumble under the robots’ feet as they rushed around.

Each crunch felt like it would pierce the metal ductwork. The sound bounced around the tin housing, making it difficult to track the Riders’ movements through the store. It felt like every step would bring the Riders crashing into the shaft with them.

A sudden scurrying of steps boomed loudly in the air duct. Then the footsteps grew more distant and the sound disappeared.

Savant inched forward again and Commander Mike popped out from between the engineer’s legs to wave Jake forward.

“They fell for the open door. Come on now. We must hurry.”

Savant kicked blindly at Commander Mike and the sole of his boot passed close enough to Jake’s face to make him jump. “Dammit, get out from between my legs, you stupid monkey.”

The Monkeynaut scrambled away from the kicking and ended up on Jake’s shoulder where he gave Jake a confused look.

“He’s afraid he might like it,” Jake explained.

Savant tried to turn but hit his head on the top of the duct. Turning the other way had the same result. “If I could turn around, I’d punch you.”

“Well you can’t, so keep going.” Jake waited for his teammate to move some distance before he followed.

They crawled along for several minutes. It felt like miles on his knees. Jake knew they hadn’t gone far but he assumed they were no longer under Flying Saucers and Cups. “Where are we going, Commander Mike?”

“A safe place,” the Monkeynaut pointed deeper into the vent. “A safe place down below. We’re almost there.”

Savant asked what the monkey was saying just about the time he tumbled down the shaft, dropped several feet and landed in the safe place on his head.

Savant was still swearing when Jake lowered himself carefully through the hole into the storage room below. The monkey landed softly next to him and trudged across the room where he righted a plastic chair and sat. His iconic blue spacesuit was in tatters and Jake could see for the first time that his fur was matted in places and worn through in others, revealing the machine’s frame beneath.

Jake felt he was staring and looked away. “Where are we, Commander?”

“Would you stop talking to that thing like it’s real?” Savant held his hand against his head. “Do you know how crazy you look?”

“Respect the system, Savant.”

Savant rolled his eyes and tested the growing lump on his head with cautious fingers.  “I hate it when you use my shit against me. You know that?”

“I know it,” Jake said with a grin and turned back to the monkey. “What happened here, Commander?”

“They made heat here.” Commander Mike leaned over and rapped on the metal body of an industrial furnace.

“It’s the old boiler room, you stupid monkey,” Savant said.

Jake waved his hands back and forth. “No. I mean, in the park. What happened to Futopia? Where are the other Monkeynauts?”

Generally, when a monkey sighs, it’s funny. The sound is a little squeaky and it’s always amusing to see them acting like people. But there was no humor in Commander Mike McMonkey’s sigh. It was filled only with pain. “I don’t know what happened to them. They’ve disappeared. I fear they were taken.”

“Who would take them?”

“The Dark Riders, TM. They see it as their job to enforce some kind of order in Futopia that only they understand. For years, the TraceRacers, TM, stopped them—or at least they tried to. But not too long ago the TraceRacers vanished. Not long after that, my crew disappeared as well.” Commander Mike sighed again. This time it was funny.

Jake didn’t laugh. “Grunt and Ace?”

The monkey nodded. “Gone.”

“And Stanley?” Jake asked, knowing full well Stanley and the commander’s history together.

“She’s gone, too.”

Savant had finally let go of his head but it was obvious that the fall or the Monkeynauts backstory was still causing him pain. He winced as he spoke.  “Stanley? She? Who the hell is Stanley?”

Commander Mike looked into the distance. His voice took on a hollow sound full of memory as if he was speaking in flashback. “Stanley, TM, was our vehicle specialist. She was the best. No one could ride an A.P.E., TM, like Stanley.”

Savant winced again. “Go easy on the details there, Mikey. I don’t need to know about your love life.”

“A.P.E. stands for Adaptive Primate Exoskeleon, you moron,” Jake snapped. “It was an exosuit the Monkeynauts used around the ship for heavy lifting—”

“Yeah, you know all that and I’m the moron?” Savant backed toward the wall and lowered himself to the ground with a grunt.

Jake put a hand on the monkey’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Commander Mike.”

“I miss them, but with my team gone, there is a bigger problem.” The monkey stood and looked toward the sky. “There is no one to stop Major Ursa, TM, and his Cosmomutts, TM, from spreading their space-communism, TM, across the stars. Can you help me, brave visitor?”

“Good going, Jake. You broke the monkey.”

“It’s the show, Savant. The Monkeynauts fought the—”

“Cosmomutts,” Savant said with a dismissive wave. “I get it. It’s not incredibly hard to follow.”

“That is why I am here,” the monkey said boldly. “That is my mission. And that is the only thing that matters now.”

“Maybe Major Ursa has your team.”

Commander Mike shook his head and sat back down. “No. They’ve disappeared, too. And, I’ve had absolutely no contact with TAIL, TM.”

Jake turned to Savant. “That’s the Terran Alliance of Interstellar Logistics.”

“You never get to call me a nerd again, Jake. Understand?”

Commander Mike continued. “I’m cut off. Alone. And my team needs me. If I fail there is a good chance that liberty could begin to fall through the galaxy. We need to find the rest of the Monkeynauts and—”

Savant stood. “Oh, enough of this. Your team is dead. Okay?”

“No,” Commander Mike said as he shook his head. “They’ll be back next week.”

“I’m afraid not, Space Chimp. They’re dead. And if it wasn’t the Dark Riders it was sure as shit those bears that killed them.”

“No,” Commander Mike said again. “They’ll be back next week.”

“They’re dead. Deceased. Kaput. Tails up. They’ve met their monkey maker and gone to the big barrel in the sky.”

“Barrel of what?” the monkey asked.

“Monkeys!” Savant screamed despite the fact that it obviously hurt his head to do so. “Barrel of monkeys, you stupid monkey.”

Commander Mike looked confused. He turned to Jake and put up a hand to shield a whisper from Savant. “I think there’s something wrong with your friend.”

“There is. He’s an asshole.”

“Don’t you get it, space ape? They’re dead.”

Commander Mike shook his head. “I’m sorry. I can tell you’re upset but I just don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Savant screamed and grabbed at his hair.

It was nice to watch Savant get pushed over the edge. That it was a monkey in a space suit doing the pushing made it all the better. Jake wanted to laugh but he held it back and explained, “He doesn’t understand, Savant. He can’t. Death didn’t exist in the Monkeynauts show.”

“What? No one ever got shot?”

“Just in the shoulder.”

“And the rockets never exploded?”

“Sure,” Jake said. “But they always had parachutes.”

“In space?!”

“What do you want?” Jake said. “It was a kids’ show.”

“It was a lame show.”

“It was a great show and…” Jake cut himself off. “It doesn’t matter. Just know that there is no death in their world.”

“Well there is death to the Dark Riders,” Savant said and then swore. “That’s right, I did watch it, okay? I watched a cartoon. Just like normal, stupid people. And I watched it because it didn’t pussyfoot around things like death. People died. And the Dark Riders were badass killers. They offed everyone. So if they’ve got this guy’s monkeys, those monkeys are toast and the stupid show is cancelled.”

“Dude! Be sensitive.”

“I’m being sensible, Jake. His friends are gone. But our friends aren’t, so maybe he can quit moping and help us find them.”

“I help people,” Commander Mike muttered to himself and then perked up and repeated it louder. “I help people. That’s something else I do. I can help you.”

“Thank you, Commander Mike.” Jake said.

“Yeah, big thanks, Mr. Monkey,” Savant mumbled.

Commander Mike’s eyebrows pitched and his eyes grew larger. “And maybe you could help me find my friends, too?” the monkey asked.

Jake nodded. “We’ll do everything we can.”

“That’s right,” Savant agreed. “Jake will do everything he can,”

“Savant, we’re going to help.”

“Right. Sorry.” Savant winked. He fed some extra drama into his voice. It was his stupid superhero impression. “We’ll do everything we can to help.”

“My thanks,” said Commander Mike. “To both of you.”

“We won’t rest until you’re reunited,” Savant boomed.

Commander Mike rushed across the room and shook Savant’s hand. “I appreciate it.”

“Unless we get to sleep. Then I will take a nap. But after that nap it will be right back to the not resting.”

“Knock it off, Savant.” Jake gave the man a hard look and sat in the plastic chair.

“Too much with the voice?”

Jake turned to Commander Mike. “We are going to help. I assure you.”

“Until our ride arrives and we leave this place forever and for good,” said Savant added.

The Monkeynaut looked at Jake and pointed a furry finger at Savant. “You’re right, he is an asshole.”

15

Sagamore Hill, Roosevelt’s home since the time he was 22, was a 23-room, shingle-style, Queen Anne mansion that sat on a sprawling 155 acres of lush green hills not far from the village of Oyster Bay on a peninsula called Cove Neck in New York.

To this day, the home was filled with the memories of the 26th President and his family: books, for Roosevelt was a voracious reader; hunting trophies, for Roosevelt was a legendary hunter; and guns, for that’s what one hunts with.

It was a time capsule and tribute to one of America’s most popular presidents, a nationally recognized treasure under the protection of the National Park Service and revered by Americans fortunate enough to visit the grounds.

This Sagamore Hill, however, was a three-quarter scaled replica designed by the Imaginators of DamAnimation Inc., and it was never intended to be inhabited by life-sized people. This was immediately evident by the fact that the rooms of this Sagamore Hill only had three walls. And only one room.

Theodore Roosevelt was blissfully unaware of this fact and invited Mason and Glitch into the North Room, a painstakingly, if not slightly smaller, replica of the statesman’s own office and favorite room in what he called his Summer White House.

They passed through a gateway of ivory tusks and found themselves in a cozy wood-lined room. Three-quarter scaled books were painted on the shelves, and slightly smaller than life-sized animals hung from the walls. Bison, elk, dinosaurs and a rainbow of Bearberry Bear heads grinned at them from the study walls. To their right, a mounted bison head clicked to life and turned toward them.

“Oh hey,” it said in the smooth baritone one would expect from a cartoon bison.

“Not now,” Teddy mumbled over his shoulder to the bison as he set his rifle in a well-stocked gun rack.

“Hey, Elksa,” the Bison continued as it looked across the room to another taxidermy head. “Elksa!”

An elk head on the opposite side of the room opened its eyes and spoke with a southern twang despite the fact that elk are mostly found west of the Rockies. “What? What is it, Buddy?”

Buddy the Bison turned back to the men that had entered the North Room. “We have company.”

Glitch chuckled and the elk turned its head with an audible whir. Elksa’s LED eyes grew larger in forced astonishment as she focused on the group. “You’re right, Buddy. We should probably welcome them, don’t you think?”

Hidden mechanics clicked as Buddy nodded and said, “It would be the friendly thing to do.”

“Don’t you do it,” Teddy growled.

The stuffed animals ignored him and the room filled with a bouncy tune. Buddy took a deep breath he didn’t need and started the welcome song with, “We welcome you to Sagamore.”

Elksa joined in with, “Kick up your feet, they must be sore.”

A bird in a glass case on the center table flapped to life, “Come right in but mind the floor.”

The lion skin rug finished off the verse, “You’ll feel right at home at Thagamore.” No one could explain why the lion had a lisp.

With the first verse completed, every taxidermy animal and sculpted bust in the North Room came to life to sing the chorus together.

It’s the house that Teddy built,

At the top of Sagamore Hi—

In a room that is 25% smaller than normal, a gunshot from an elephant gun is somewhat louder than normal. With his implants, Glitch probably could have done the math quickly, but the blast startled him almost as much as it did Buddy the Bison, who was now only half the head he used to be.

Buddy was missing a horn, an eye and most of his mouth. He had lost his love of singing as well and just sat there hanging quietly on the wall.

“I told you, you damned Bison!” Teddy roared. “I told you I’d shoot you again if you sang that song one more time!” He turned to the rest of the room and cocked the hammer of the rifle’s second barrel. “And that goes for every last one of you. Do you hear me?”

The machines all settled back into their dormant states and Teddy eased the hammer down and handed the gun to Tyler, who dutifully reloaded it and set it on the rack.

“I apologize, friends. But every single time I walk in here they start singing that damn song.”

“Don’t you think you overreacted?” Mason asked.

Roosevelt looked up and to the right. He stared into the distance as his hands found his lapels. “Get action. Seize the moment. Man was never intended to become an oyster.” He let go of his lapels and sat. He waved for the two men to do so as well.

They both, but Glitch in particular, looked ridiculous sitting in a three-quarter scale chair. But they settled in as the camera drones spread throughout the room.

Mason looked at Glitch with a shrug. “I’m not sure I quite understand that one.”

Glitch coughed and spoke, “While the oyster merely rests on the ocean floor waiting for opportunity to literally land in its face, man cannot afford such inaction. Man’s productivity comes from movement and conscious decision.”

“Bully,” Teddy roared. “You’re not as dumb as you look, son.”

“Thank you, Mr. President. But you didn’t have to shoot the funny buffalo.”

“Bah,” Roosevelt waved the comment off. “There’s plenty more where that came from. Besides, at this point I’d rather see Taft’s fat head hanging up there in Buddy’s place.”

“Mr. President,” Glitch said. “Could you please tell us what the hell happened here?”

“There’s no need for that language, son. It’s unbecoming of you.”

Glitch shrunk in his tiny chair. “Sorry.”

“As to the problems that befall our great nation, what can I say except, it all went to hell.”

Glitch raised a finger to correct the President but decided, no, he’s the President and he can say hell if he wants to.

“What happened?” Mason asked.

“I’m not sure of what started this whole mess. But it all began with that damned tree and these vicious creatures.” He kicked a pink Bearberry skin rug that lay at his feet.

“The Bearberry Bears?” Glitch asked sadly.

“It started with them and got worse.” Roosevelt stood and walked over to one of the Bearberry Bears on the wall. “We were here, enjoying the opportunity to meet and talk with our fellow Americans. It’s easy to lose touch when you become President, you know? Then there was screaming. People came thundering into President Town like a herd of water buffalo. The ground trembled as they stampeded across the bridge screaming for help. It soon became clear they were running from these bloodthirsty beasts.” He stared off into the distance for a quiet moment. “We lost a lot of good Presidents that day. Some terrible ones too.”

Theodore Roosevelt turned back to the visitors. “We did our best to protect them. We’re Presidents after all. It is our sworn duty to protect this nation and its citizens. We stood together. Party lines meant nothing. Democrat, Republican, Whig. It didn’t matter. And we saved those that we could as we fought those bears back across the bridge.

“I wanted to pursue them. To run them right up that silly tree of theirs and raze the damned thing. I felt that the combined might of our government should be brought to bare on the bears to better the lives of all Americans.”

“Why didn’t you?” Mason asked.

Teddy huffed, “Taft. He split us right down the middle with his ‘It’s not government’s place’ malarkey. He thought we should stay out of it. We’ve been at war with him ever since.”

“That was ten years ago,” Mason said. “You haven’t made peace yet?”

Roosevelt waved off the notion of peace. “If he wants it to be this way, it suits me just fine. The people are safe and a good war keeps you on your toes.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier?”

Roosevelt looked up and to the right. He stared into the distance as his hands found his lapels. “I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life, the life of toil and effort, of labor and strife; to preach that the highest form of success which comes , not to the man who does not shrink from danger, from hardship, or from bitter toil, and who out of these wins the splendid ultimate triumph.”

Roosevelt’s hands returned to the arms of the chair. “Plus, I really don’t like the guy.”

“But what about the Bearberry Bears?” Glitch asked.

“What about them? With all of our visitors gone, there’s no one left to hurt.”

Glitch rotated in his seat and gestured to the mechanical remains of his arm.

“Oh, yes.” Teddy leaned forward in his chair and examined the arm from across the room. “I must say, my boy. You must have blown their furry little minds. Half-man. Half-machine. They probably didn’t know what to make of you.”

“Actually, they made him half a half man.”

“Shut up, Mason.”

“There’s no need for that language, son. It’s unbecoming of you.” Roosevelt leaned back in his chair. “I’m sorry for the ill that has befallen you, my good man. No one deserves to be treated as such. But there’s nothing I can do to help you get your arm back.”

“But you’re Teddy Freaking Roosevelt!” Glitch pleaded. “You should be able to do something.”

“We did. I personally led a glorious charge against the beasts.”

“And… did it succeed?” Mason asked.

Roosevelt looked up and to the right. He stared into the distance as his hands found his lapels. “Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a fray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”

Mason looked at Glitch. “So that’s a no.”

Glitch agreed, “Definitely a no.”

“You need to try again,” Mason said. “Our friends are out there. We don’t know if they’re dead or alive.”

“We don’t have the men,” Roosevelt said. “Taft has both Johnsons, Taylor, Polk, Adams. Even my dear fifth cousin sided against me.” Roosevelt shook his head. “He married my niece you know. Tell me that’s not messed up.”

“Where are the generals, the great military men?” Glitch asked.

Theodore Roosevelt pointed to himself.

“Of course there’s you, sir. But where’s President Grant?”

Roosevelt waved off the suggestion. “Probably drunk somewhere.”

Mason tried to help. “What about President Jackson?”

“Who?”

“Andrew Jackson,” he clarified. “Old Hickory?”

Roosevelt removed his glasses and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to clean the lenses. “I don’t know who you’re talking about, son.”

“The hero of New Orleans,” Glitch added. “President from 1829-1837.”

“Son, I’m not sure where you went to school, but we didn’t have a President from 1829 to ’37. Everyone knows that.”

Mason clicked his teeth and nodded. “I forgot. They wrote him out of history about fifteen years ago.”

“Right,” Glitch remembered now as well. “The Feelings Over Facts Act. I forgot all about FOFA.”

“Is that the same law that made Pluto a planet again?” Mason asked.

Glitch nodded.

Mason snapped his fingers. “Where’s Washington?”

“Mount Vernon. Said he wasn’t getting involved. Said he wanted to be a citizen again. He just sits out there all day with Hamilton. Singing. It’s annoying really.”

Mason threw up his arms. “Well who do you have?”

“We’ve got Tippecanoe here,” Teddy said.

At the sound of his name President Tyler smiled and said, “Tippecanoe and Tyler, too.”

Teddy pointed to Barack and W. “Presidents Obama and Bush.”

Obama gave a thumbs up and said, “Now let me be clear.” While Bush donned a dopey smiled and shouted, “Mission Accomplished!”

Roosevelt pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. “So, we’ve got that going for us. Then there’s Reagan, Quincy, Sideburns, Woody, Truman and, kind of, Jefferson.”

“What do you mean, ‘kind of’?” Mason asked.

Roosevelt stood and put his glasses back on. “Come with me.”

A door in the back of the North Room opened up into the rotunda of the Jefferson Memorial. President Reagan was discussing Harding’s demise with Jefferson, who was a twenty-foot tall Animatomatonic bronze statue.

“Poor Harding,” Jefferson said. “If there was only something we could do about Taft.”

“I have a plan and you know it,” Reagan said.

“For the last time, Ronnie, we don’t have an orbital space-based weapons platform.”

“And for the last time I’m telling you we don’t need one, we just have to make them think we have one.”

“Is he at it again, Tommy?” Roosevelt asked as they entered.

The massive statue turned as far as its bolted feet would allow it. “Ah, Teddy. Yes, he very much is.” He noticed the two men. “Who do we have here?”

“A couple of our fellow Americans have dropped in. They are looking for their friends.”

“Greetings, my friends. I am Thomas Jefferson.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen a nickel,” Mason said. “Look, are you Presidents going to help us find our friends or not?”

Van Buren came running up the rotunda’s steps. His short legs caused quick slaps against the stone as he ascended, and it drew everyone’s attention. The President looked panicked. He stopped in front of Mason and gave the man a queer look.

“What about you, Sideburns? Will you help us?”

President Martin Van Buren spoke quickly. “The less government interferes with private pursuits, the better for general prosperity.”

“That’s a no?” Mason asked.

“Dammit. It’s Taft.” Theodore moved Mason aside and spoke to Van Buren. “Where?”

“The less government interferes with private pursuits, the better for general prosperity.”

Roosevelt nodded. “I see. How many?”

President Martin Van Buren sounded panicked as he said, “The less government interferes with private pursuits, the better for general prosperity.”

Astonished, Roosevelt looked around the rotunda to the other Presidents, who seemed to be in an equal state of disbelief.

Jefferson shook his head. “That’s impossible. There are not that many of us left.”

“We’re going to need more Presidents,” Reagan said. “Or a space-based weapons platform.”

“There are no more Presidents,” Teddy said. “Everyone has made their decision.”

“Tippecanoe and Tyler, too!” shouted Tyler.

“I told you before, I don’t want Garfield!” Roosevelt’s voice boomed around the rotunda and silenced everyone for a moment.

“The cat?” Mason whispered to Glitch.

“The President,” Glitch, the history buff, whispered back.

“Tippecanoe and Tyler, too?” asked Tyler timidly.

“Because he’s a quitter,” Roosevelt spat. “That’s why.”

“That’s not fair, TR,” the statue of Jefferson said. “He was shot and you know it. You can’t call him a quitter for that.”

Roosevelt rolled his eyes. “I’m not calling him a quitter for being shot. I’m calling him a quitter for dying from it.”

Reagan pointed at Roosevelt and nodded. “I’m with Teddy on this one.”

The statue looked away. “Whatever, Mr. I Gave a Speech With a Bullet in My Chest.”

“Damn straight I did.” Roosevelt said and held up his fingers in the shape of a gun to illustrate his point. When he dropped his thumb hammer, gunfire began outside the Jefferson Memorial.

The Presidents turned toward the sound as Truman came stumbling in, clutching his chest. He fell to his knees and slowly pulled his hand from his chest to reveal a gaping hole that sparked with shorted circuits and smoldering wires. He looked at each of the Presidents and wheezed, “The buck stops here.”

Truman collapsed to the marble floor.

“Harry!” Roosevelt screamed as he ran to the side of the fallen President. He looked into the darkness of the park, raised his fist and cursed, “You traitorous bastards!”

One of the cameras sped out into the night in the direction of Roosevelt’s tantrum.

Reagan and the others were scrambling. Tyler disappeared back into the North Room and reemerged moments later with an armful of long guns. He handed them out as Teddy pulled off his tie and threw it on the ground.

The President that had led the charge up San Juan Hill barked the orders and the other presidents responded.

Mason and Glitch drew their own weapons.

“Where do you want us, Mr. President?” Glitch yelled over the footsteps of the approaching army.

The famous toothy grin grew across Roosevelt’s face. “That’s the spirit, boys. Let’s give ’em hell.”

16

Gunfire had drawn her attention, and Hailey stood on the wall of Kandallaha and stared across the park. There had been several bursts and then nothing. Her imagination could play it two ways and it naturally went down the path of concern and frustration. Her friends were out there somewhere. Jake was out there somewhere. And she was stuck in Prehistoria.

In the distance she could see the laser lights of Futopia lighting up the sky. They moved about as if they were alive and looking for a way off the island themselves.

The great Bearberry Tree was alive with a thousand colors but it was still. No music reached her ears, if they were still singing. Of course, she knew they were still singing. They were always singing like some sadistic a cappella boy band.

So far, the bears had made no move to pursue them into Prehistoria, and several Fengali were on the wall with her to make certain they didn’t try. The mighty apes were armed with clubs and a menacing swagger as they paced the bamboo walkway. Their eyes never left the darkness outside.

It was all so surreal. It had been designed to be surreal, she knew that. But still the whole situation was bizarre. Hailey had spent most of her adult life dealing with murderous machines, but they were normal murderous machines. If a Nannybot went all “killing spree” on a family, it was to be expected. It was the natural order of things. If a dishwasher tried to murder someone it was just another Thursday night.

But here, bears and dinosaurs and apes and whatever else were out there in the darkness. And, worst of all, as far as she could tell, nothing was malfunctioning. Everything was working fine.

Fine was probably a poor choice of words considering the bloodshed, so she clarified to herself that everything was working as expected.

People were the problem.

Everything would have been fine if the guests had never come. Without the human catalyst, Fantastic Island would be the island paradise it was designed to be. People were the virus that destroyed an otherwise perfect system.

She shook her head. She was starting to sound like Savant and the comparison made her stomach knot up.

It wasn’t people. They weren’t guilty of anything. And it wasn’t even all of the machines. Kat’s weird relationship with Thorne was proof of that.

Of all the strange things happening on the island, that had to be the strangest. On one hand, she was happy for her friend. She knew what it was like to find love and she could see it in Kat’s eyes that the girl was genuinely in love with the jungle king. On the other hand, it was really creepy. Thorne was a machine. A sexy, sexy machine, she admitted. But he was a machine nonetheless.

Hailey had to talk to her. But what could she say? Telling a friend their new boyfriend isn’t right for them is hard enough when the loser is human. Even then there would be plenty of arguments and denial. But a robot lover opened up a whole new line of questions and concerns that made it impossible to form an argument.

And was he really that bad for her? Honestly? He protected her. He cared for her. He doted on her hand and foot. He could ride a dinosaur. His manners were impeccable. His pecs were impossible. But was a chivalrous hero that looked as if he was carved from stone really what she wanted?

Hailey gave up as she realized it was an argument she could not win. Even discounting the pecs, it seemed that Kat and Thorne had a history that could counter any concern she put on the table.

And who was she to judge? Even the Supreme Court had yet to make a ruling on the legality of it all. They wouldn’t even hear the arguments in Johnsonoid vs. Georgia until later in the year.

Hailey stared back into the park, wondering if Jake was all right.

“They’ll be okay,” Kat said.

Hailey was startled at her friend’s sudden appearance and choked back a scream. “How… I’m sorry, Kat. I didn’t hear you coming.”

Kat looked down at her bare feet and wiggled her toes. “Sorry. My old habits are coming back to me. The Fengali taught me how to walk without making a sound. I guess it’s like riding a bike.”

“Sure. A bike shaped like a jungle God.” And suddenly it was out there. Hailey grimaced. “I’m sorry. I take it back. Honestly, I had just convinced myself it was none of my business.”

“I’ll bet that took some convincing.”

“It did, but I’m really not judging. It’s just all of this is a lot to take in. But I promised myself I wouldn’t pry.” With questions off the table, Hailey wasn’t sure where to take the conversation next. “Thorne seems very nice.”

Kat smiled and looked at the ground before she spoke. “I know it’s weird. It’s weird for me, too. But I decided a long time ago that I don’t have to understand it.”

“Oh, God. You are totally in love. Aren’t you?”

Kat blushed and then smiled. “You’ve got to admit we’ve got a fairytale story.”

“All right.” Hailey smiled back. “Any promises I made to myself are out the window now. I’m prying. Spill.”

Kat smiled. “After he rescued me, he brought me back here. I was terrified.”

“Well, yeah. You’d just been attacked by Teddy Bears.”

“At first, here was no better. With no one else around, the Fengali can be pretty scary. And the big-ass dinosaurs! Once it’s not a part of the Fantastic Island experience it can be a little off putting.”

“Understatement,” Hailey noted.

“Thorne had barred the gates and left me here with the Fengali. He kept searching the park for more survivors. But he wasn’t able to find any.” Kat choked back the sadness in her voice and continued. “I was a wreck. I didn’t know if my family had made it out. I didn’t understand why no one was coming to rescue us.”

“No one came?”

“We heard people. There was shooting. I wanted to see what was happening but Thorne kept me here. To keep me safe. He sent some Fengali to see what was going on. Most of them never came back.”

“That was the rescue team, Kat.”

“I know, but I think Thorne was right to keep me hidden. They were shooting at everything. What would make me appear any different than one of the characters?”

Hailey couldn’t argue with that. A lot of the rescue team fell victim to the park as well.

“It was over quickly. They left and I was still here. Days became weeks and this became my home.”

Hailey didn’t know what to say. Or which sound of acknowledgement to make.

“I was going out of my mind with grief and fear and here I am in a fantasyland surrounded by robot apes and Thorne. I guess after a while you’ll accept anything as your reality if you don’t have any other options.”

A Fengali patrol passed close by and Kat reached out to scratch one of them on the head. “Hi, Gohbala.”

Hailey’s heart broke for her friend. Remove the apes, bears, dinosaurs and constant threat of death and she could basically place herself in the same situation. To be afraid and uncertain and then to find someone that takes those fears away—either with calming words or prehistoric fortress homes—and provides a constant is not a foreign concept to anyone.

“So,” Kat continued as Gohbala moved on down the wall, “I stayed here for days and weeks. There wasn’t anyone to talk to. The Fengali are wonderful but short on conversation. So I talked to Thorne and…” Kat trailed off and tried to wipe away a faint blush that crossed her face. “I was sixteen. I was confused.”

“Sure, you were just a kid.”

“He is wonderful.”

“But he’s a robot,” Hailey said gently, knowing the conflict was raging in Kat’s head as well. Even so, she regretted saying it.

“But you can’t tell,” Kat said. “I don’t know who put him together, but she sure knew what she was doing.”

“She?” Hailey asked.

“Oh, it was definitely a she,” Kat insisted. “Trust me.”

Hailey didn’t know what to say, and that loss for words must have shown on her face.

Kat hurried to move past the awkwardness. “One day he said there was something he wanted to show me. He took me to the harbor and showed me one of the boats. He said there was something in the cabin I’d want to see.”

“What was it?” Hailey asked.

“It was nothing. He locked me in and set the boat out to sea. I watched him grow smaller as I drifted away. I screamed at him, all kinds of horrible things. And he stood there and took it all. Just staring at me with the saddest look I have ever seen.” Kat took a deep breath and looked out over the wall.

Hailey followed her gaze but saw nothing. “He was still protecting you, Kat.”

“I know that. I knew it then. I couldn’t stay. A person can only live for so long on vending machine sodas and Dippin’ Dots.” She looked at her feet. “I felt horrible for all the things I said.”

“Maybe he didn’t hear you.”

“He heard me. He’s a great listener. It’s one of his best qualities.” Kat turned back to Hailey. “But it doesn’t matter what he heard. It matters what I said.”

“Is that why you wanted to come back? To apologize?”

“I spent a lot of time thinking about him. I never really stopped. I grew up, but I never really moved on. I just couldn’t. I needed to. But I couldn’t.

“So, when this opportunity came up, I had to make sure I took it. But this time, when we leave, it will be different.”

You are supposed to support your friends. As long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others, you are supposed to give encouragement or comforting words. But Hailey couldn’t hide the astonishment in her voice. “You came back to this nightmare for closure?”

“No, Hailey. He doesn’t know it yet. But this time, I’m going to rescue him.”

“Kat, wait. You can’t… we can’t take him with us!”

With a swoosh, two flips and a thud Thorne was beside them. “Ah, dear Katherine. Here you are.” He kissed the woman’s hand and looked into her eyes for a long moment that was most likely timed to some algorithm pulsing away beneath his massive chest.

Hailey caught herself staring and turned away.

“And friend Hailey. You watch the night for your friends. I wish I could calm your fears.”

“You’re doing everything you can, Thorne.” Hailey said. “Thank you.”

“I regret that I cannot do more. If I could but snap my fingers and make them appear, I would not hesitate to do so. As it is, I do not have such power. But I have ordered the great beacon lit.” Thorne turned and waved his arm to the massive tower that stood in the middle of PrimEvil Land.

Several Fengali climbed the structure with blazing torches in their hands. Once they reached the top they set fires across a brazier several times larger than the one that lit the village. The flames spread, igniting a massive signal fire that would be visible across the park.

“Good,” Thorne said as the fire grew. “Now those still loyal to the sacred guest experience will come. And we will talk. More help is on the way.”

“Who will come, Thorne?” Kat asked.

“It is hard to tell, my sweet Kat. We have not set the beacon alight for many years. I have my hopes that all who still are able to will make their way. But I fear we have lost many. Neither I, nor loyal Shashanna, have lain our mighty eyes on the TraceRacers in some time. I fear the Presidents are too busy fighting amongst themselves to send a representative.” He grew silent for a moment and when he spoke again it was with a more somber tone. “Those in Enchantasia have long been silent.”

Kat put a hand on his shoulder. “They will come, Thorne.”

Thorne took Kat in his arms and they became lost in one another’s eyes.

“Great,” Hailey said. “So no one.”

“If any of Blaxxton’s men survive, they will honor the truce. And we can always count on the Monkeynauts.”

Hailey looked back into the park. “Perfect. More monkeys,” she grumbled to herself, hoping the Fengali did not hear.

17

The view from the rocket ship was unsettling. It was partly the height that made it so, and partly the fact that the ship was at the top of an unsettled Ferris wheel that had a tendency to rock and sway with the slightest breeze.

The monkey had assured them that the climb to the vantage point was easy.

And it was. For a monkey.

But every foot Jake and Savant had climbed felt like it would shake the ride free of its tenuous hold and send them spinning toward the ground.

Commander Mike had bounded from one side of the wheel to the other, grabbing various struts and beams with his tail as he went. He would hang for a brief moment and chirp something encouraging at Jake. “We’ll be able to see the whole park from here.” Or, “We’ll find your friends.” Or, “It’s not that high, there’s no need to cry.”

Savant had moved cautiously but confidently while telling stories of rock-climbing weekends that Jake ignored while barely moving at all. He tested each hand and foothold several times before he was confident enough to slowly reach for another. Jumping with a computer controlled skydiving rig was one thing. Climbing an abandoned Ferris wheel was something else entirely.

Commander Mike’s frantic pace unnerved him, Savant’s lack of fear annoyed him, and the camera drones hovering about were one more distraction he didn’t need.

The final step into the rocket cabin was the worst. The distance wasn’t more than a foot or so, but it could have been Snake River Canyon as far as Jake was concerned. He leapt and landed, then quickly dropped to all fours while he did his best to transform his fingers into suction cups and the soles of his shoes into glue.

“What’s the matter, Jake?” Savant chuckled and rocked the rocket car back and forth.

“Knock it off,” Jake said as he stood slowly, holding onto the walls for balance.

“Wimp.”

Commander Mike had climbed higher still and was perched at the top of the door. The monkey held a hand above his brow and peered out into the park despite the lack of sun.

Jake moved deeper into the gondola and found a window to look out. Futopia cast its lights up toward them. The neon lights and holograms bathed everything in pale shades as they flickered and flashed. Just north of them was the vague impression of streets lit in the soft orange of firelight.

“What’s over there, Commander?” Jake asked.

“President Town, TM. A place filled with great men and greater arguments. They have been fighting one another for years.”

“Glitch and Mason were headed that way, I think,” Savant said.

“They should be safe there,” Commander Mike said. “The Presidents don’t fight anyone except other Presidents. And they have no love for the Bearberry Bears.”

Looking north, it was impossible to see past the lights of the Great Bearberry Tree. Jake squinted, but that didn’t help because that’s not how squinting works. Jake risked pulling one hand off the wall to point into the night. “What’s beyond the tree?”

Commander Mike pointed a hairy finger to the left of the multicolored eyesore. “In the northwest lies Prehistoria, land of the Dinosty Warriors, TM.”

“That’s probably where Kat and Hailey went,” Savant said. “That bridge looked all prehistoricky just before it blew up.”

Commander Mike’s finger drifted to the right of the tree. A sad expression crossed his face and his finger sagged. “To the northeast is Enchantasia, TM.”

“What’s up there?” Savant asked.

Commander Mike said softly, “Darkness. Silence. It was once a place of happiness and childlike wonder. It was once filled with squeals of delight and the laughter of children as they met their storybook heroes.”

“What happened to it?” Savant asked.

“The Bearberry Bears,” Mike said with a certain acidity. “They laid waste to it not long ago. The magic castles were razed. The citizens were taken prisoner.”

Savant stared at the dark space. “Why would they do that?”

“Happiness is a powerful thing,” Commander Mike said. “It can move people. It can move nations. And everyone thinks they know what happiness is.”

“So?” Savant asked.

“Have you ever been happy?” Mike asked.

“Of course,” said Jake.

“Not really,” Savant answered.

“Did you want to keep that happiness to yourself?”

“No,” Jake said. “I’d like everyone to be happy.”

“Of course you would. Whenever someone finds happiness, they want to share it. They think they have some great secret and they want everyone to have it. Happiness wants to spread.”

“What’s this got to do with Enchantasia?”

“Happiness can stand up against a storm. It can come back after a sickness. It can survive the worst of days. The one thing Happiness can’t stand is someone else’s idea of happiness. So…” He grew quiet and waved a hand toward the void that had been Enchantasia.

“That’s just perfect,” Savant said with a smile.

Jake turned away from the window. “I think you missed the weight of what Commander Mike said. He just told us that happiness was the reason for the destruction of a whole land and its people.”

“No,” Savant said. “What the robot monkey just told us is that our extraction point is empty and cleared of any potential threats. Which is great news and gives me both relief and hope at the same time.” Savant smiled more broadly. “Hey. Is this what happiness feels like?”

“You’re a sad person,” Commander Mike tsked.

“You don’t know me, monkey.”

“Sir, I took an oath to protect the innocent, defend the weak and harm no human.”

“So?”

“So, I think you might be the loophole.”

“Bring it, tails.”

“That’s enough, Savant.” Years ago, Jake had inherited Ashley’s Robot Reclamation of Green Hill from his father. He knew it would be dangerous. It had put him in some strange situations. Like fighting the NurseMade that had somehow stripped him and dressed him in a hospital gown before he was finally able to stop it with a defibrillator. Or the time he had to fight an Acrobot on a tightrope in front of a live audience while a half dozen clowns rushed back and forth beneath him with a trampoline. Or when the runaway Androidiquen that had grown tired of modeling clothes decided to run for Mayor instead. And won. But those were all to be expected. He never figured he would have to break up a fight between his employee and a space monkey in order to travel to a Fairytale kingdom that had been overrun by evil teddy bears. “I’m sorry, Commander.”

Thankfully, Commander Mike had more sense than his computer scientist. The Monkeynaut nodded cautiously and turned away from the encounter back to the open door. Then he snapped upright and scrambled out the door.

“Where’s he going?” Savant asked.

The gondola shook as the Commander ran on its roof. Jake grabbed the wall for balance and edged closer to the door. “Commander Mike?”

“Look there,” said the monkey perched above them on the roof. “In Prehistoria.”

Jake looked back into the darkness past the tree. A fire grew high in the air. Soon it was blazing bright enough to combat the light of the Bearberry Tree. “What is it?”

“It’s a signal fire from the Dinosty Warriors. They use it to communicate across the lands.”

Savant leaned out the door and spotted the fire. “What does it say?”

“Crackle, probably. It is a fire. Maybe a few hisses and pops.”

Savant shook the rocket ship and snapped “What does it mean, monkey?”

Jake grabbed the rail to keep himself balanced as the car rocked back and forth.

“They’re calling a gathering,” said Commander Mike. “We must go.”

Savant laughed. “Are you kidding? Did you forget about the tall, dark assholes roaming the streets down there? We try to run and they’ll run us down.”

Commander Mike looked to the ground and rubbed the hair on his chin. “Okay. Then we’ll ride.”

18

LBJ came first. The President’s massive frame tore through the hedgerow and he raced up the steps of the Jefferson Memorial screaming for help.

“Cowardice,” Teddy muttered to himself. “An interesting tactic.”

The President turned to his men positioned behind the barricade at the top of the monument’s steps. “Hold your fire, men.”

Johnson kept stealing glances over his shoulder as he barreled up the steps, yelling, “They’re coming! They’re coming!”

“Sounds like a commie trick to me,” Reagan said as he sighted his rifle over the barricade.

“I don’t think so,” Roosevelt said. “He’s not running at us. He’s running for us. There’s a difference.”

Johnson was only steps away from the hastily erected barricade when his head exploded.

“An interesting tactic,” Roosevelt said once more as the President’s body dropped to the steps.

“Tippecanoe and Tyler, too!” Tyler shouted as he pointed to the hedgerow.

Jimmy Carter stood behind the smoking barrel of a rifle with a grin on his face and cute little teddy bear ears on his head.

“Dear God,” Reagan whispered. “What have they done?”

Taft broke through the hedge, portly and covered in pink fur. His handlebar mustache matched the pink and sat below a black button nose. Taft put a finger to his lips and giggled. His fat body twisted in a gesture of shyness revealing a pink, little Teddy Bear tail.

“Those monsters,” cursed Roosevelt. “What horror they’ve wrought.”

In a voice that wasn’t entirely his own, Taft screamed, “Kill them all!”

The hedgerow churned and rustled as two dozen more Presidents burst from the leaves. Some were covered in fur, some only had the ears and tail, but it was clear that all of them had been under the influence of the Bearberry Bears.

They came with rifles and clubs. They charged with smiles on their lips and murder in their screams. Woodrow Wilson, Herbert Hoover, Harry Truman, Bill Clinton, Gerald Ford, Millard Fillmore and more rushed from hedges and up the steps of the Jefferson Memorial.

“Fire!” ordered Roosevelt as he squeezed off a pair of rounds.

Eisenhower went down as one round tore through a furry purple leg.

Polk fell back gripping his chest.

Reagan put several slugs in Grover Cleveland while Obama dropped Zachary Taylor with a lucky hip shot.

Van Buren missed Andrew Johnson as the President in green fur began running in a serpentine pattern. He was at the barricade when W dropped Lincoln’s successor with a shot to the back of the head.

Bush smiled and said, “Mission Accomplished.”

His father tackled him a second later and the two Presidents rolled back from the barricade in a tangle of Freudian proportions.

In less than two minutes, almost all of the Presidents had scrambled over the barricade and into the rotunda. Only FDR lagged behind as he made his way up the ramp.

Mason shot Millard Fillmore in the face and tried to make a quip about it but quickly realized he knew absolutely nothing about Millard Fillmore or his presidency.

Glitch put several rounds into Gerald Ford, who stumbled and fell to the ground. Ford immediately tried to get to his feet again but tripped, fell over and crashed backwards over the barricade and down the steps.

Hoover leapt from the barricade and landed on top of Roosevelt. He pulled the roughrider to the ground and pinned him against the marble floor of the rotunda. Hoover grinned and giggled as he wrestled with Roosevelt. His green furry ears twitched.

This laughter enraged Roosevelt. The President kicked free of the other President’s pin and he reversed the hold. Roosevelt wrapped his hands around Hoover’s throat. “How dare you put hands on me, you lousy one-termer.”

Hoover continued to giggle as Roosevelt squeezed.

“You dare call yourself a Republican.” With this Theodore twisted his grip and pulled Hoover’s head from his shoulders, green teddy bear ears and all.

Roosevelt stood and surveyed the carnage. Both George Bushes were grappling on the floor. Reagan had run out of ammo and was bashing Carter in the head with the butt of his rifle, saying, “Well, Jimmy, here we are again.”

Garfield had Obama in a headlock. Tyler was being chased around by Coolidge and Clinton. All the poor President could do was shout for help. “Tippecanoe and Tyler, too!”

The camera drones buzzed in and out of the action, capturing it all for the show.

Nixon charged at Roosevelt.

Teddy raised the rifle and pulled the trigger. He swore as the hammer fell on a spent casing.

Bearberry Nixon screamed as he threw a right cross.

Roosevelt ducked the blow and cracked Nixon across the face with the gun stock. He then flipped the rifle in his hands and brought it down on top of Nixon’s head.

The rifle cracked. Nixon was unfazed.

“You’re going to need a bigger stick, Teddy.”

Unlike the furniture in the North Room, the park benches in the rotunda were full scale and quite stable. The bench cracked but didn’t break as it knocked Nixon back across the Jefferson Memorial and deep into the barricade.

“Thanks, Tommy,” Roosevelt said.

“No problem, Teddy,” Jefferson swung the bench once more and smacked Carter across the rotunda, over the barricade and onto the steps outside.

But the Presidential Bearberry Bears kept coming.

“Get behind me,” Jefferson said as he sent JFK tumbling back.

Roosevelt kicked President Bush the elder off President Bush the younger and helped W from the ground. “Fall back!” he yelled to the others.

His feet bolted to the floor of the memorial, Jefferson made the most of his sphere of influence and swung his massive hand once more, forcing the Bearberried Presidents to regroup at the barricade.

Two lines formed and all was quiet. Roosevelt, his Presidents, and Mason and Glitch stared down the Presidents with the furry ears. No one said anything. Violence was sure to erupt at any moment. Someone would scream or giggle and the fight would resume. No one thought a calliope would be the next thing they heard.

The organ tooted a bouncy tune and Roosevelt shook his head. “The nerve of that bastard.”

A haunting voice sang. “Ole Teddy Bar’s a dead one now.”

The voice belonged to Taft. The President climbed to the top of the barricade and continued singing. “Sence Bill Possum’s come to town. An’it no use to make excuse. Or raise a fuss an’frown.”

Teddy screamed in defiance of the jingle, “And how well did your little Billy Possum sell, you fat son of a bitch?”

The reply was another giggle. This one was more obnoxious than Taft’s. "Now, now, we don't approve of that kind of language here. Please try and remember this is a family place."

“I know that giggle,” said Glitch as he raised his gun.

Brexbin climbed up on the pile next to Taft.

“Brexbin, you cursed creature,” Reagan shouted. “What have you done to these great men?”

“I made them all Bearberry Bears. I’m going to make all of you Bearberry Bears.”

“Why would you do this?” boomed Jefferson.

Brexbin rolled his eyes with an exaggerated swing of his head. “So we can all be happy, duh. Making people happy is the most important thing there is. Isn’t it, Glitch?”

The blue bear threw a tiny little wave to Glitch that sent shivers down Mason’s spine.

Roosevelt studied Glitch for a moment and his head sank. “So that’s your plan, is it?”

Brexbin only giggled.

“I won’t let you take him, Brexbin.”

“We’ll see about that, Teddy.” Brexbin put his paws to his mouth and gave a whistle. The Bearberry Bear Presidents gathered around him and more Bearberry Bears emerged from the hedges. Plixy, Tuffin, Smiddlefits and about a dozen others added to their numbers. Brexbin looked at his army and smiled at Roosevelt. “Get them!”

“W, Ronnie, Van Buren,” Roosevelt shouted. “Stay behind Jefferson and hold them back. Barack and Tyler, you’re with me.”

“What about us, Mr. President?” Glitch asked.

“We’re getting you out of here, son.”

“But I can fight, sir.”

Teddy Roosevelt looked up and to the right. His hands found the corners of his lapels and he said, “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”

Mason looked to Glitch for an interpretation but the cyborg only shrugged and said, “You’ve got me with that one, sir.”

The President looked Glitch in the eye. “They’re here for you, son. We’ve got to get you to safety.”

“But where is safe?” Mason asked. “The bears are everywhere and everywhere they aren’t there are Presidents that are now bears and this place is stupid!”

The top half of FDR dropped to the floor in between them, causing both Mason and Glitch to jump back.

“Teddy,” Jefferson’s voice bellowed. “The beacon of Kandallaha is lit. It burns over Prehistoria.”

“We’ll get you there. You’ll be safe behind the walls of Kandallaha.” Roosevelt grabbed Glitch by the shoulder and rushed the man back through the North Room with Mason, Obama and Tyler right behind him.

They were outside and down the cobblestone pathway before Glitch could ask Roosevelt what he was going on about. “What do you mean they’re here for me, sir?”

The President gave Glitch a toothy grin and put a hand on the cyborg’s shoulder. “You’re a very special person, Glitch. You see—”

There was no giggle this time. There was only a rush of rainbow colored fur as an army of Bearberry Bears raced out of the darkness. Snigglefitz and Scramp. Smartles and Baby Boo. Lilypuff and Bluster.

Teddy shoved Glitch away from the technicolor tsunami and shouted, “Run, boys! Get to the gates!”

“Mr. President!” Glitch protested.

But it was too late. Obama was screaming, “Now let me be clear” as the bears enveloped him and dragged him to the ground. Tyler was panicking as he spun to address each threat. And Roosevelt was too busy kicking bear ass to respond.

The Bearberry screams were cut short as the 26th President of the United States ripped out their speaker boxes with his bare hands. He mashed their CPUs and tore them limb from articulated limb. But it wasn’t enough and soon Roosevelt was overwhelmed by the bear attack.

Glitch screamed as he fired.

The bullets did nothing to stop the onslaught.

Mason grabbed his friend by the collar and pulled him away. “We’ve got to run, Glitch!”

“But the President needs us!”

“The robot President, Glitch. He’s a machine. Now come on!”

Glitch either saw the reason in Mason’s argument or the wall of fur that had now turned its attention to them. The cyborg turned and ran.

The padded paws of the Bearberry battalion sounded behind them, pushing them faster and farther into the park. They could see the signal fire that Jefferson had mentioned and tried to steer their escape toward it, but every turn led them away from the safety of the massive fire.

Another twist, another turn, and they could see the stairs that led to the monorail. Mason was breathing too heavily to shout, so he pointed at the staircase and turned toward it. He kept his head down and ran, feeling like each step could fail and the terrible army of bears would drag him back into the fold. He was out of energy so he turned to willpower to move faster. Only sheer determination drove him on.

Then he was on the stairs. The metal case rattled with each step. If his weight did this, Glitch’s enhanced bulk would all but shake the structure from its supports. He half expected to be thrown off his feet so he braced himself for the shuddering that would no doubt take place.

But it never came.

Mason yelled his friend’s name first and then turned. He should have been right there behind him. But he wasn’t. Glitch was nowhere to be seen. Instead, at the bottom of the steps was Tinklefitz, giving a sarcastic slow clap that was muffled by the fur on his paws.

“You bastards,” Mason said and took a step downward.

The bears took several steps forward. They giggled as they rushed up the stairs toward him.

Mason turned and ran.

19

The Velosseum had been the landmark attraction in Futopia. One of the few thrill rides in the park, it put the visitor in the role of one of the TraceRacers. These resistance fighters from a near future dystopia fought for freedom from the Dark Riders and the iron-fisted government they represented. The cartoon never fully explained exactly how speeding around on futuristic motorcycles helped fight tyranny or free anyone, but it was a popular premise nonetheless.

The scrappy band of TraceRacers were the poor underdogs in the struggle for liberty against the better-funded Dark Riders, and every visitor to the park had a chance to feel the rush of victory over a seemingly unstoppable foe.

Jake, Savant and Commander Mike had made their way to the Velosseum through access tunnels and dark corridors. They now stood in the entryway to the ride itself. The two men wound their way through the maze of metal rails that were designed to keep the crowds in order while the smaller monkey ducked under each rail and encouraged the others to follow.

In the center to the queuing area were the four full-scale bikes like the ones the TraceRacers rode in the show. When the park was in operation, the four characters could be found here welcoming guests and telling them what to expect in their coming encounter with the Dark Riders.

Each cycle was distinct in appearance and obviously designed with a theme in mind. Each was covered in wasteland colors: bare metal, burnt sand and rust red. And each was designed to suit the members of the team.

Bulk, the team’s kind-hearted brute, rode the biggest of the four. His trike had two larger off-road tires up front with a smaller driving wheel in the back. Mite, the juvenile freedom fighter, rode the cycle with the sidecar, which his feisty dog, Bite, occupied. Jayson, the brash one, rode the slickest and fastest machine of the group while the team leader, Melina, rode one that was slightly larger to accommodate a host of gadgets and tricks that the Dark Riders always seemed to fall for.

The four cycles were replicas of the ride vehicles and therefore possessed more safety measures than the ones in the show. Otherwise they looked exactly as if they had been driven out of the show and parked there.

“Dibs on Jayson’s ride,” Savant said with a smile as he mounted the smallest and fastest cycle.

“Not here,” Commander Mike said. “Inside.”

When it debuted, the ride had broken new ground in coaster technology. The traditional train of cars had been replaced with individual experiences. Each visitor rode astride a single cycle. Four riders were launched together as a team and they were pursued by multiple Dark Riders on an independent track. Throughout the ride, the machines ran alongside one another, intersecting each other’s paths, ducking and turning together as if the visitor was engaged in an actual duel with the Dark Riders. It even allowed the guests a certain amount of control as they could switch between tracks at certain points in the ride.

This chaos had been carefully coordinated and the ride boasted a perfect safety record through all trials and tests. It was one of the safest rides ever created, right up until the machines went nuts and started killing everyone. But that was hardly the engineers’ fault. Animatomaton safety was a different department altogether.

Lights flickered and flashed as the Monkeynaut led the two men through the abandoned ride. They made their way through the half-dark corridors, stepping over debris and the Dark Riders’ shoddy handiwork. The rail that had once directed the cycles along the ride ran through the entryway and out into the streets, and the Riders had torn up everything that had been in their way.

The group turned a corner that led down yet another darkened hallway. Insets in the walls continued to tell the story of the TraceRacers and the world they fought to save. These displays depicted the rise of The Ordinance, an oligarchy of elites that had selflessly volunteered to save humanity from its own foils. They rode a wave of popular support that demanded the government end its corrupt ways by instilling more government programs. But, you know, “good ones this time.”

Another inset identified the TraceRacers as criminals, brigands and impediments on the road to freedom. Their likenesses were depicted on wanted posters and news clippings that announced their eventual capture at the hands of the Dark Riders. Their lives had been found forfeit and they were sentenced to ride in the Velosseum for the entertainment of the good citizens.

The final insert had been “vandalized” by those that supported the TraceRacers. Images of the Ordinance had been drawn upon with fake mustaches and devil horns and the TraceRacer cry “Ride to Freedom” had been spray painted across the entire insert.

It was an interesting enough tale, but the group found what they were looking for around the next corner.

An area entitled Launch Bay was where the lines ended and the ride began. Here the guests would transform from parkgoers into TraceRacers four at a time from open to close. Now it sat empty. No riders. No cycles. Nothing.

Commander Mike scurried along the entry ramp and disappeared behind the operator’s podium. He pried open a control panel and hit the switches inside so quickly that it wasn’t clear if he knew exactly what he was doing or if he was guessing at a rapid pace.

Either way, things were happening.

First came the lights. They were moody, giving off the same rusted red found on the TraceRacer cycles. Sound followed as the prerecorded track fired up, addressing the guests as freedom riders, underscoring the importance of both the fight ahead and the need to make sure the safety straps were properly fastened. The VO concluded with a triumphant, “Now, ride to freedom!” This was followed by several large clunks as a doorway opened and four new TraceRacer cycles were fed into the Launch Bay.

Savant chuckled and leapt on Jayson’s sleek cycle. He twisted the handle and the engine responded. The TraceRacer cycles didn’t hum and scream like the Dark Riders’ cycles. They roared with the sound of gas-fed explosions and freedom. When he turned to look at Jake, he was smiling a grin he would probably not want the world to see. Savant prided himself on never getting too excited about anything that wasn’t his own doing. But now he seemed to forget all about looking cool and twisted the throttle once more.

Commander Mike slammed the control console shut and bounded across the platform. The monkey leapt into the air and landed on Melina’s cycle. “Get on. Get on.”

Jake swung a leg over the cycle and strapped himself in. He could feel the engine rumbling beneath him. He couldn’t resist a smile when he twisted the throttle either. The machine roared and bucked in its stall.

“Wait,” Commander Mike said and pointed to a countdown clock farther down the tunnel.

Savant revved his engine several more times. Jake could almost hear his grin.

“Are you actually having fun?” Jake yelled.

The smile disappeared when Savant looked his way. “Of course not,” he said. Then he grinned and revved the engine some more.

The clock reached three and a panel opened ahead of them in the darkness. Light filled the pathway before them and the roar of a bloodthirsty and non-existent crowd was piped through the speakers.

Two.

One.

Launch.

Whatever mechanism was holding the cycles back released with a clang and the vehicles shot forward. They quickly reached the end of the tunnel and plummeted down to the bottom of the Velosseum where they leveled out and shot across the arena floor.

Jake twisted the throttle on Melina’s cycle and smiled when he discovered that it actually increased his speed. Savant had discovered the same thing and blasted past him and back up the wall.

The track shot up and twisted to the right to follow the curve of the arena wall. This was all a part of the ride’s design. At this point the Dark Riders would appear and the scripted duel would begin. Jake could see where the visitor had been offered choices in their ride, where the rail diverged. But now the split tracks were missing or twisted so badly that there was no longer any choice at all. He was pretty certain the gaping hole in the wall wasn’t part of the original track layout either. But they were going through it whether they wanted to or not.

Both cycles screamed through the hole as the track’s pathway became less obvious. The ride’s veneer was gone and the track twisted through the building’s structural framework as the effect of the cheering crowd faded into the distance behind them.

There was one more dip and a sudden rise before they shot out of the original ride and into the streets of Futopia. Here the repurposing of the track became more obvious. As resourceful as the Dark Riders seemed, they weren’t engineers. The track rattled beneath Jake and tossed him around as they crossed portions of the rail that weren’t anchored to the ground. His stomach warned of a vertical sway indicating the rail wasn’t exactly level. But they rode on and soon found themselves making split second decisions as rails merged.

It was only on the second turn that the Dark Riders spotted them and the enforcers gave chase. Two Riders quickly grew to four and then to seven. Every intersection Jake and Savant passed had another Dark Rider rushing to join the pursuit.

Nine cycles now shot along the track at full speed. The underdog storyline attached to the TraceRacers meant their cycles were cobbled together from good old fashioned know-how instead of industrial efficiency. This meant they were faster than those made by The Ordinance. But not by much.

Jake kept his throttle wide open as the monorail’s raised beam came into view. He yelled at the monkey on his back, “Are you sure this will work?”

“Sure.” Commander Mike said and pointed at the track ahead. “Go up. Go up!”

The rail climbed. It bowed under the cycles’ weight as this segment was attached to nothing. It looked more like a stretched cable than a rail of any kind.

Jake chased Savant up the line. Balance was on them now. Any support they had found on the ground was gone and Jake fought the heavy cycle to keep it upright until they reached the top. There the Velosseum rail disappeared and the cycles slowed.

“What the hell, monkey?” Savant yelled as he kicked at his cycle.

Commander Mike scurried to the top of Jake’s shoulder and pointed at the metal strips that had once powered the monorail. “There!”

Jake drifted to the right until the cycle was aligned with the flat rail. The acceleration almost pulled him from the bike as he shot past Savant. Without the rail to guide him, he was in control of the cycle so he eased off the throttle and focused on the beam ahead. It was a twenty-foot drop on his right and getting higher the farther he went.

Savant pulled alongside and smiled. “Okay, I’ll admit it. This is a great ride.”

The rail curved ahead and Jake prepared to bank with the turn.

The Dark Rider crashed into his rear tire and sent him skidding to his left. He slid within an inch of Savant before regaining control.

The Dark Rider that struck had been forced to the outside of the rail. Jake kicked at the cycle and sent it flying from the beam and crashing into the ground below.

A second Rider pulled alongside him on the inside track as they banked. The Rider reached out and made a grab for Jake’s throttle. The enforcer was close to succeeding when the Monkeynaut landed on its head and covered the machine’s visor.

The Dark Rider grabbed for the monkey to clear his field of view but Commander Mike had already pounced onto the Rider’s handlebars.

When the machine made a grab for the Monkeynaut, Mike leapt back to the Rider’s shoulder while pulling at the handlebar with his tail. The monkey landed back on Jake’s cycle just as the Dark Rider shot off the edge of the beam.

The track straightened and Savant shot ahead. Jake switched back to the powered strip on the right side and sped up. They were coming to the edge of Futopia. Up ahead the neon lights gave way to the more contemporary illumination that lit the park’s walkway in between the different lands.

Commander Mike yelled in Jake’s ear, “They’re gaining!”

Jake looked over his shoulder and saw the five other Riders closing in. He turned back and yelled at the monkey, “Can you drive this?”

“Um, I fly an intergalactic rocket ship beyond the speed of light, I think I can handle one of these.”

The Monkeynaut climbed down in front of Jake and grabbed the handlebars.

Jake let go of the throttle and reached for his gun.

They slowed instantly and the lack of momentum caused them to wobble.

Jake jumped for the handlebars and fought to steady the cycle. He regained control and opened the throttle. “I thought you said you could drive it!”

“I said I thought I could! Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Well can you hand me my gun?”

The monkey reached under Jake’s left arm and pulled out the pistol.

Jake took it in his left hand and turned to fire.

It wasn’t the easiest thing to do, firing backwards with his off hand while driving a futuristic motorcycle down a narrow monorail track. Making the shots count was even more difficult. So, he went with a quantity over quality approach and fired till the magazine was empty.

There’s no telling which bullet hit the Dark Rider’s cycle, but the lucky shot tore out the front tire of one of the bikes and sent the Rider crashing into his partner.

The pair behind them crashed into the fallen bikes, and their Riders flew forward onto the beam as their cycles flipped through the air behind them. The fifth Rider was trapped behind the wreckage and forced to stop completely.

Jake laughed at his luck then saw Savant drop behind him as the man slammed on his brakes.

Before Jake could think, “What the hell?” the monkey was screaming, “Watch out!”

Jake whipped his head forward and spotted a man in the middle of the monorail track, waving his arms and generally panicking.

Jake cursed and slammed on his own brakes. The cycle responded by lurching up on the front wheel and skidding to a stop inches in front of Mason.

Savant pulled up next to them and gestured behind him. “They’re still coming!”

Jake looked back. Three of the Riders were running along the beam. And they were pretty good runners.

“They’re coming,” Mason said.

“I just said that, Mason.” Savant sighed. “No one listens to me.”

Mason jumped on the back of Jake’s cycle and pointed to a metal stairway on the side of the track. “We’ve got to go, and what’s with the monkey?”

“I’m Commander Mike McMonkey, TM, leader of the Monkeynauts, TM.” Commander Mike stuck out a paw. “And what’s your name, young man?”

“Where’s Glitch?” Savant asked. “Didn’t we leave you in charge of him?”

Mason’s eyes dropped. “They took him.”

“Who took him?” Jake asked.

A Bearberry bear appeared on the track in front of them and giggled. He shouted back down the staircase. “Hey, everybody. They’re up here.”

“We have to go, Jake.” Mason sounded defeated. “There’s too many of them.”

Mason never cut Glitch a break. The insults and the teasing never stopped. But Jake knew Mason would do anything for the man. And he’d never seen Mason this shaken before. He was a curmudgeon and a pain in the ass, but he wasn’t a coward. They would find Glitch and they would save him, but they were going to need time to plan.

Jake opened the throttle and the cycle shot down the track. Savant followed and the pair passed in front of the staircase moments before a dozen Bearberry Bears flooded the track and joined the surviving Dark Riders in the chase.

20

He itched. The net was made of a rough natural rope and the Bearberry Bears had most likely pulled it from some forgotten play area to use for their own nefarious purposes. And it did the trick.

Glitch had struggled at first to no avail and then switched his tactic to wishing he had his new arm back. That would have made getting free a lot easier. But he didn’t, and after a while he had gotten used to being dragged across the park’s walkway by the small army of bears.

He’d grown accustomed to the itching and pinching of the ropes and he had found a way to position himself so the path didn’t grate against his body too much. He came to expect the sudden jerks and learned to maneuver around the more abrasive bits of ground as he saw them coming. It was second nature after a while. But he never got used to the song.

Away from the tree’s powerful sound system, the bears relied on their own internal speakers to make their music. And ten years of missing their regularly scheduled maintenance had taken a toll on their ability to harmonize or sing in key. Cracked speakers and garbled tones turned the tune Glitch had whistled as a child into a nightmare’s soundtrack filled with warped horns and Satan’s piano driving the march to God knew where.

Let’s go for a walk today

A stroll that takes us far away

From our boring every day

And to somewhere new to play

If we sing, it’s a parade

On this walk we walk today.

Originally it had been a cheery march. Glitch remembered the colorful parade of happy bears waddling to the solid beat Tiddlysmirks had beat out on a drum hanging from his neck. In that episode, the bears had been in search of an adventure on a rainy day, so they marched around the Great Bearberry Tree in circles while singing this happy tune and extolling the virtues of a good hearty walk. Then, it took them to magical lands, but now the descending bass line that had driven the rhythm was warped and off pitch and turned the tune into a twisted march into hell.

Let’s go for a walk today

A hike, a stroll, a promenade

We’ll saunter all along the way

We’ll amble as we laugh and play

We’ll roam and toddle on our way

On this walk we walk today.

The next portion of the song had always been Glitch’s favorite. Each Bearberry Bear would take a line and the pace would build in intensity and excitement. Now it terrified him.

Traipse and trudge and tramp and trek

Rove and tread with every step

Plod and prance and ambulate

We’d better run, it’s getting late!

They ran out of verses quickly but refused to let a lack of lyrics stop them. They whistled through scratchy speakers and Glitch imagined it was the same sound a canary made in a mine when it first realized the jig was up.

Glitch spent the song cursing himself for being overwhelmed by a bunch of teddy bears. He remembered being swarmed by a wave of pastel fur and thought he was doing okay fighting them off at first. He remembered sending more than a couple of them flying through the air and it had felt like he was going to be okay. He didn’t remember much after that. He wasn’t sure what happened next, but he was pretty sure that little bitch Baby Boo had choked him out with his diaper. When he came to in the net and tried to remember what happened, he decided to leave that last part out should he ever get to tell the story.

He tried struggling once more and the result was the same as before. Some grunting, some rope burns and the bears stopped dragging him and started beating him, pummeling him with fur covered metal fists that hurt as much emotionally as they did physically. And they never stopped singing.

To his surprise, they didn’t take him to the Great Bearberry Tree. They dragged him past it and turned down a darkened path that twisted several times. Their final destination was a mystery. All the directional signage he could make out had been defaced or destroyed. The park got darker and darker the farther they went. The twisted and toppled lampposts were useless and it was several minutes before there was any light at all.

Trashcan fires lit the entrance to what was once Enchantasia. Two trolls with green skin and fuzzy purple Teddy Bear ears stood in the firelight with crossed pikes guarding the gate. They moved aside with a grunt apiece and let the Bearberry Bear party pass with not so much as a glance at the man being dragged in the net.

Glitch guessed the trolls’ height at eight feet and half that across. They paid him no mind and moved back into sentry position once Baby Boo had finally waddled through the gate, tripping once as he struggled to hold up his falling diaper.

Enchantasia was nothing more than a wasteland now. Once filled with fairytale dreams, the shops and citizens had been transformed into haunting visions of a post-apocalyptic storybook realm. Burned out buildings, scattered trash and a mangled Prince Charming suspended from a darkened lamppost were signs that the transition had not been a peaceful one.

Many of the citizens had suffered the same fate as the Presidents and had been transformed into Bearberry Bears. Snow White was now covered in polar bear white fur and followed around by six cubs armed with picks and shovels. Pinocchio wore a defeated expression as he toiled away at the command of a tiny cricketbear on his shoulder.  Goldilocks and the three bears were carting materials deeper into the park while Rumplebearskin tried in vain to spin gold into straw stuffing.

Glitch sat up as much as the net allowed and tried to see where the Bearberry Bears were taking him. Once Upon a Time Ago castle lay ahead of them and it was the only building in the area that still appeared to have the lights on.

As they grew closer he could see the reason for the darkness in Enchantasia. Power lines from all over were rigged and run to the castle, turning the storybook palace into something out of a steampunk version of Cinderella.

Mufkin raised his hands and yelled ahead to the castle, “Open sesame!”

Gears turned, chains clanked and the drawbridge lowered slowly over a foul-smelling moat that neglect had turned into a thick green liquid that burped and bubbled. The drawbridge crashed to the ground and Mufkin giggled, “That never gets old.”

The march resumed and the Bearberry Bears dragged Glitch across the bridge and into the castle. The smooth stones of the floor were a nice respite from the asphalt but the ride got rougher once they hit the stairs. They weren’t real stones but they were hard enough to serve the purpose. Each one hurt as they dragged him up the circular staircase. They hurt even more when they accidentally let go and he fell back down a story or two. All three times.

He tried to climb free of the net with each drop, but it was secured too well and the giggling monsters were on top of him too quickly. They kicked him and laughed and started dragging him back up once more. On the fourth try, they made it to their destination, Dr. Frankenstein’s lab. Or a close enough approximation for Glitch to find it absolutely horrifying.

The whole room hummed with electricity that hung about the room in cables he was certain weren’t up to code. Gray metal cabinets scattered about the room appeared to be filled with nothing but exposed copper coils and smelled like ozone and burning wires. The room even had the requisite metal table suspended from the ceiling by heavy gauge chains. This is where they dropped him.

They pulled the net off him and Glitch made a run for it. He got as far as sitting up before a hand the size of his chest grabbed him and forced him back down. The Cyclops had one eye, a giant horn and cute little teddy bear ears. The monster leaned over him and held him down while the Bearberry Bears secured the straps that would hold him in place.

“What’s going on? What are you doing to me?”

“You’re a special boy, Glitch. Did you know that?” Brexbin stood at the lab’s doorway with a smile on his face. He was dressed in a white lab coat that was far too big. The sleeves fell well past his hands and flopped about as he walked across the room.

“Why are you doing this, Brexbin?” The Cyclops backed away and Glitch struggled against the straps. They held him tight against the table. “What have you done to all of these people?”

“We made them happy. We couldn’t make any more Bearberry Juice, but that doesn’t mean people shouldn’t be happy. So, we had to improvise.” Brexbin walked over to a metal bin and pulled out the head of a small deer with large blue eyes. Glitch heard the servos whir as Brexbin played with the woodland creature’s mouth. “It wasn’t easy, though. Was it Mr. Deer?”

“You monster!” Glitch shook the table and it began to sway on the chains.

“Now, now. Name calling isn’t nice.” Brexbin dropped the deer head back into the bin with a clatter. “Mr. Deer notwithstanding, turning all the residents of the island into Bearberry Bears was easy.” Brexbin reached back into the bin and pulled out a bare white bone. It may have been a femur, but Glitch was no doctor. “But the guests have proven more difficult.”

“Let me go!”

“We can’t do that, Glitch. You’re too important.” Brexbin dropped the limb back in the bin and waddled closer. “Don’t you see? You’re the key. We could turn the Presidents into Bearberry Bears. And the Fairyfolk, TM. And the dinos. But whenever we tried to turn a guest into one of us they just… stopped working.”

“You killed them!”

“But then we met you. You’re part guest. Part us. And with your help we’ll be able to turn everyone into Bearberry Bears and we’ll all go on great adventures together and be happy. You’re going to help us change the world, Glitch.”

A woman in a nurse outfit rolled a tool chest next to the table. Glitch recognized her as the wicked stepmother from his childhood nightmares. He didn’t remember the little black nose though. She saw him staring and flashed a wicked smile, then pulled her mask up to cover the teddy nose. “We’re ready for you, doctor.”

Metal scraped across imitation stone. Glitch couldn’t see what was happening despite doing his best to raise his head. An orange furry butt appeared above the edge of the table as a Bearberry Bear climbed onto a footstool. Its head appeared a moment later.

“Butterfingers!” Glitch groaned.

“Dr. Butterfingers, TM,” the bear insisted and held up the end of the stethoscope that hung around his neck. “You can tell because they gave me one of these things.”

“Please,” Glitch said to Brexbin. “Anyone else.”

“Don’t worry, Glitch,” Brexbin said as he stroked the man’s hair. “It will be fine. Butterfingers is really good at pretending to be a doctor.”

Dr. Butterfingers pulled his mask up and stuck out his paw. “Knife thingy.”

The nurse responded and held out a scalpel which Butterfingers immediately stuck in his paw. The Bearberry Bear looked at the instrument sticking out of his hand and yelled, “Ouchey!” before falling backward off the stool.

Glitch stared at Brexbin, who patted Glitch’s leg sweetly. “He’s still the best we’ve got. He pretends to be a doctor more than any of us.”

Dr. Butterfingers climbed onto the stool and pulled the scalpel out of his hand.

“Why are you doing this?!” screamed Glitch. “You’re supposed to be everyone’s friend. You’re not supposed to be bad.”

“We’re not bad, Glitch,” Brexbin said as Butterfingers wrapped way too much gauze around a paw that wasn’t even bleeding. “We’re helping people. Helping people is good.”

“But you’re killing them.”

“Only so we can make them happy. And that’s what’s important. You want everyone to be happy, don’t you?”

The whir of an electric saw drowned out the sound of the electric sparks that shot around the room. Butterfingers lifted the saw above his head. This wasn’t easy considering one paw was completely bandaged up.

“I’m not going to lie, Glitch.” Brexbin said. “This is probably going to hurt. You should probably think of something else.”

Glitch screamed as the saw drew closer.

Brexbin shushed him and stroked his hair. “Just use your imagination.”

21

They had left the bikes on the monorail beam and rushed down the metal access stairway at the side of the track.

The three men talked frantically about Presidents and Dark Riders and Glitch and Teddy Bear versions of William H. Taft and how Roosevelt went down swinging. They covered a surprising amount of catching up by the time they reached the mammoth doors to Prehistoria.

One of the white apes that had rescued them from the Bearberry Tree waved them in with an excited grunt that only Commander Mike seemed to understand.

The Monkeynaut grunted back and nodded enthusiastically. He pointed inside the compound. “Your friends are inside.”

The drone-mounted cameras followed them as they raced inside the gate and followed two more of the white gorillas to the encampment.

“Thank God,” Hailey exclaimed as she raced across the village where she embraced Jake. She squeezed tight and whispered. “You’re all right. You’re all all right.”

Jake released her from the embrace and shook his head. “Not all of us. They took Glitch.”

Kat appeared silently at their side. “Where?”

There was more catching up to do. They repeated the bit about the Presidents and Dark Riders and everyone got to meet Commander Mike. Kat’s jungle princess get-up was explained, and Kat herself shared the story about her time on the island and her time with Thorne.

“Wait, you mean you—,” Savant cleared his throat. “And him? You—”

A look from Kat silenced Savant and anyone else that may have had questions or judgments to share with the group.

The updates continued until they reached the part about the signal fire. Thorne explained its significance and began to elaborate on its fictional history when Jake stopped him with the question, “So who all can we expect to come?”

Thorne looked grim. “I expect no more than those that are already present, friend Jake. My hope would be the Presidents would stop their bickering long enough to join us, but according to you it seems they have fallen prey to a combination of their own shortcomings and Bearberry Bears. We have heard nothing from the Enchantasians and I expect Commander Mike to be the only attendant from Futopia.”

Commander Mike sat in a tree overlooking the center of the camp. He said nothing and looked into the sky.

Thorne continued. “It seems now that we know what fate has befallen our friends and foes. We can expect many of them to come at us bearing animosity and little furry bear ears. Any that have gone missing are no doubt in the hands of the monster Brexbin and his horrible—yet admittedly adorable—army.”

Savant stood and looked around the group gathered in the village Thorne called Kandallaha. “So this is it?”

“I fear there is no one else,” Thorne said with a sadness in his voice.

The groan of the ropes was the first indication the gates were being opened. The creak of the timbers soon followed. But it was the frantic response of the Fengali that brought everyone to their feet.

The great white apes formed a line along the edge of the camp that faced the gate. They grunted and snorted at the approaching sound. Gestures grew more pronounced and the fierceness of their grunts intensified. Something was coming. Something they didn’t like.

Jake and the rest of the team stood their ground. Their weapons were mostly empty but those that had ammunition left drew their guns and waited for the visitor to reveal itself.

Something big was coming. It shook the ground as it neared. The sound of scraping metal followed and Jake was tempted to cover his ears to shield them from the shriek.

The Fengali roared as the dinosaur’s snout came into view. Black and red armor covered the Ankylosaurus’ head. The color scheme matched the rider’s uniform. He raised a red tinted visor and spoke to Thorne. “Call off your beasts, Jungle Man.”

Thorne made a series of gutteral shouts. The Fengali settled down but did not move from their place between the team and dinosaur. “Malcolm Miles, TM.” Thorne announced. “You have been invited here under a banner of peace. Do you agree that no violence will be exchanged here this day?”

The robotic rider in red and black made a motion as if he was spitting on the ground. “Yeah.”

“Very well. Then you are welcome here beneath our fire. May I ask, why did Blaxxton not come himself?”

“I haven’t seen him. I haven’t seen anyone. My men are missing. Blaxxton has been gone for weeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if that jerk skipped time and left me stranded back here with you savages.”

“More likely he has fallen to our common foe,” Thorne stated.

“Those damn Bears,” Malcolm said as he climbed off the dinosaur and slid to the ground. He glared at one of the Fengali long and hard. “What do you want, monkey.”

The Fengali roared but Malcolm didn’t flinch.

“Mahor,” Thorne commanded and the Fengali backed away with a grunt.

Miles snorted and continued, “They’ve been acting awfully brave lately. Wandering farther from that stupid tree.”

“You do not know the half of it,” Thorne said. “My friends here are visitors to Kandallaha. One of their number has been taken captive by the demon bear Brexbin and taken we know not where, to do we know not what with him, but it most likely involves turning him into a bear.”

Miles spit on the ground again. It was an interesting quirk to give a machine that produced no saliva. But if Malcolm Miles was a character that was supposed to be despised, it was doing the trick. “They took your friends’ friend to Enchantasia. Brexbin and all of his loser friends are holed up there in the castle. And they’ve turned every one of those annoying little fairytale characters into some kind of bear already. Your friend is probably next.”

“How?” Mason scoffed. “It looks like all they did to the Presidents was stitch little ears on them and alter their programming.”

“Why couldn’t they do that to Glitch?” Hailey asked.

“Because he’s not a machine that’s—” Mason trailed off as everything became clear.

“Of course, with Glitch’s enhancements he is a hybrid of machine and man,” Savant explained since he thought he was the only one that got it. “In theory, they could change him.”

“And they would be convinced they could do it to anyone else,” Kat followed. “They would slaughter everyone.”

“But they’re stuck here,” Savant laughed. “There’s no way off the island.”

“Except for our ride,” Jake said. “Which will be landing right in Enchantasia this evening.”

“We have to go get him!” Mason yelled at the exact same moment Savant realized his own safety was in jeopardy and shouted, “We have to get to our plane!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Mason screamed at Savant.

“Me?! I’m the one that’s thinking about all of us. You’re being all selfish thinking about your stupid friend.”

“He’s your friend, too!”

“You can’t prove that! We have to get to that plane. That’s what’s most important. To me.”

Hailey waved at Savant to sit and, mostly, shut up. “But, Mason is right. We have to save Glitch. We’ll think of something.”

“Like what? We’ve got an entire park of crazed machines after us. Even the ones that weren’t inherently evil are now very much evil. Glitch is gone. Our stuff is gone. Oh, and we only have a few hours left before our one and only shot at getting off the island arrives. And we can’t even call for help.”

The camera had moved in closer the louder he became. Savant swatted the drone out of the air and sent it clattering to the ground. He stomped on the rotors as it tried to take flight.

Another moved in to take its place.

“Saving Glitch has to be our number one priority,” Mason said.

“It is, Mason,” Jake assured him. The safety of his team always came first and they wouldn’t let Glitch down. That was certain. Of course, he had no idea how they would do it. Savant’s pity rant was completely accurate.

“You’re always so certain, Jake. You know that gets a little old.” Savant bent over and grabbed the mashed drone off the ground. He scooped the pieces into his arms and turned away. “You work on your against-all-odds plan of rescuing the mandroid and I’ll work on saving the rest of us like the selfless person I am.”

“What are you doing, Savant?” Hailey asked.

“I’m going to use my genius to turn this camera into a radio, beat the jamming signal and rescue all of you losers.” Savant stormed off with an armload of broken drone.

Mason looked around to the rest of the team. “I’m going!”

“Aren’t you the hero?” Miles said. “There are hundreds of them. There aren’t enough of you.”

“We’ve got the dinosaurs,” Mason said.

Miles smiled and let out a laugh that wasn’t based in amusement. “You can’t have my dinosaur.”

“Big help you are,” Mason spat on the ground for real.

“If you ask me, your friend is right. I’d worry less about rescuing your pal and more about saving yourself.”

“Fine, weird dinosaur guy. Be that way. We’ll use that guy’s dinosaur.” Mason said pointing to Thorne.

“Jambha sleeps,” Thorne replied with a shake of his head.

“Well, wake him up!”

Kat explained, “It means she’s charging, Mason.”

Mason let out an exasperated breath. “Does anyone else have a dinosaur I can borrow?”

The Fengali only stared back. If they had a dinosaur he could borrow they weren’t admitting to it.

“I don’t think you understand, kid,” Miles said.

“Kid?” Mason twitched at the remark.

“A dinosaur isn’t going to cut it. They have giants and trolls and pixies and Presidents.” He looked at Commander Mike. “They may even have a few of his buddies in there, and bears, and I haven’t seen Blaxxton’s Cragosaur in a while. They may have that, too. And what have you got? A few weak visitors, some monkeys and a tiger or two. You’ve got nothing.”

Mason walked up to Miles until they were standing face-to-face. The machine had no breath but the scraggly beard and weathered face of the machine told him it would smell like whiskey if it did. “I don’t know what bastard programmed you to walk around and shit on everyone’s pancakes, but when I get back home I’m going to find the little shit that filled you so full of charm and wit and kick the crap out of him. But, first, I’m going to save my friend. With or without your stupid dinosaur.”

Miles stared at Mason for a long moment and then smiled. “Quite the crew you’ve got here, Thorne. Am I ever glad I stopped by for your little bonfire.”

“Why did you come, Malcolm Miles, if you did not come to offer help? You know this scourge threatens all of us. Your allies as well as ours.”

“I don’t have allies, Jungle Man. I don’t have friends, I don’t have teammates, I have contracts. Pure and simple. And my contract doesn’t say I have to die, or become a bear, to save anyone.” He stepped aside and clicked his tongue at his dinosaur. The beast grumbled. “But if I can sit back and watch you serve my interests by taking out those damn bears, I should at least give you something for your trouble.”

He waved the dinosaur forward and the shrieking began again as the creature responded. The Ankylosaurus trudged through the center of the camp dragging the twisted hulk of The Beast behind it.

Miles drew a machete from his belt, sliced the ropes that bound the truck to his dino and then climbed back into the saddle. “Now tell your stupid monkeys to open the gate and let me out of here.”

Thorne ordered the gates opened as the team scrambled over the truck. With the help of a few Fengali they were able to pry the doors open and get inside what was left of the vehicle. They pulled the equipment out and lined it up to take inventory.

“Hey Mason, did you know this one has footage of you peeing?” Savant came walking back into the clearing with the drone in his hands. “I’ll bet there’s a market for that. Hey, it’s our stuff.”

Hailey pointed at the drone tucked under his arm. “Did you get it to work?”

“This? No. The signal jamming the island is just too strong.”

“So why do you still have it? “

“The pee thing. It’s good for a blooper reel.”

“So no selfless rescue?” Mason asked.

“No, we’re going to have to go with your stupid idea. Do you have a plan yet or do you just sit around here being idiots?”

Everyone looked to Mason who passed the glance onto Jake.

It sucked being the boss. He had been working on a plan. It was terrible. It probably wouldn’t work but they had to do something to try to save Glitch. To try to save themselves. And to try and stop the Bearberry Bears from escaping the island and forcing their madness on the world. A dinosaur would sure make things a lot easier. He looked back to the team and nodded. “Yeah, I got an idea, Mason. But, we’re going to need some fake beards.”

“I love this plan.”

22

“I hate this plan,” Mason said, scratching at the fake beard on his face. “This thing itches.”

“Quit complaining,” Jake said through his own imitation whiskers.

Mason tugged at the collar of his 1880s finery. It didn’t help it sit any better. “And why do I have to be Harrison?”

“You can be Grant if you want,” Jake offered. “If you really think it will make you happy.”

Mason hrmphed. “I want to be Lincoln.”

“I told you, you can’t be Lincoln.”

“And tell me why not, keepers of the presidents.”

“Because you told me Lincoln is a statue here. Brexbin wouldn’t buy it.”

“They think blood is Bearberry Juice and you’re giving them enough credit to distinguish between presidents?”

“Just shut up,” Jake muttered. “You don’t hear Thorne complaining.”

“I am Rutherford B. Hayes,” Thorne said.

“See? He gets it.”

“I am Rutherford B. Hayes,” Thorne said again.

“Yeah, quit rubbing it in, George of the Jungle.”

Jake stopped. “Do you want to be Hayes? Would that make you happy?”

“I want to be Lincoln!”

“You can’t be Lincoln. And there were only three other Presidents with beards, okay?”

Mason grunted and scratched at the fake beard some more. “What kind of stupid kid would want a Benjamin Harrison beard as a souvenir?”

“We’re just lucky the gift shop wasn’t sold out.”

Mason laughed at this and they resumed walking toward Enchantasia. “Yeah, we finally caught a break.”

“It doesn’t matter who we are. As long as they’re convinced we’re Presidents that they’ve already turned into Bearberry Bears they’ll let us in and we can rescue Glitch before they turn him into a Bearberry Bear.”

“You ever wonder how you got to a point in your life where saying something like that makes complete sense?”

One of the camera drones pulled in close to capture Jake’s response.

He waved it away. “Every single day.”

Mason stared at the drones. “These damn cameras are going to give us away.”

“They haven’t yet. I imagine the machines are programmed to ignore them.”

Mason pointed to the camera. “What do you think of that, Thorne?”

Thorne studied the drone. “It is a beautiful bird.”

“You’re right. Like they’re not even there,” Mason said to Jake. “Framed pictures are available for purchase at the gift shop.”

They could feel the evil seeping from Enchantasia. The mist wasn’t helping. The sun had come up that morning but it hadn’t come out from behind a layer of black clouds. It wasn’t like the fairytale land needed any help feeling drearier. The iconic castle floated in the darkness and evil smelled a lot like burning plastic.

Thorne stumbled ahead of the pair as they drew closer. “What madness have they wrought? This land was once full of laughter, and love and that little squealing noise children make that only their parents find endearing.”

“Yeah, I hate that sound,” Mason said.

Jake put a hand on Mason’s shoulder. “Give him a second. He’s lamenting.”

“Why did I not see this coming? Why was I not given the strength and courage to stop it? I was protector of these lands. I have failed these people.”

“Hey there, Jungle Guy.” Mason said. “Uh, they might be okay.”

“I can only hope. I have many friends here.” Thorne hesitated for a moment. “Rapunzel and I were quite close.”

“Close like…?”

“After I sent my dear sweet Kat to safety, I was lost. I cannot even describe the feeling. I wandered Kandallaha aimlessly as if I had no purpose in this world. One day on this trek I came across a tower and Rapunzel was trapped inside. Her wicked stepmother had done this to her. I was able to save her from her imprisonment.”

“Do you want me to stop you if I’ve heard this one?” Mason asked.

Thorne either didn’t hear Mason or didn’t care. His focus was somewhere in the distance. “I felt useful once more. As if I had a purpose. At first I assumed it was because of the rescue, that once again I was protecting the people of Kandallaha, but as I spent more time with the princess, I began to wonder if it wasn’t the woman herself that made me feel alive.”

His trance broken, Thorne looked back to Mason and Jake and realized what he had said. “Oh please, friend Mason and friend Jake, don’t mention this to Kat. Nothing happened between the Princess and I, and I love Kat dearly. She has been through so much that… now that she’s returned to me I think it would be best if she didn’t…”

“Damn, dude,” Mason laughed.  “You’re more human than I thought.”

“Please, she is everything to me. To hear this would break her heart. I wish no harm would come to her ever. I would do anything to protect her. I—”

“Calm down, Rutherford. We won’t say a thing. It’ll just be between us, well, guys—I guess.”

“Thank you, friend Mason.”

“And that camera you think is a bird.”

“What?” Thorne asked.

“Don’t worry, Thorne,” Jake said. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I’m not even sure you could do anything wrong if you tried.”

“I thank you, as well, friend Jake.”

Often, when a robot expresses concern that his love for a robot princess might jeopardize his relationship with a human woman, it is usually followed by an awkward silence. This was no different. The three men stared at one another and nodded until Mason coughed and said, “So Rapunzel, huh?”

“She is a very nice girl,” said Thorne in his own defense.

“I’m sure she is. I always figured myself more of a Sleeping Beauty kind of guy though. I think I’d really like the quiet after.”

Jake slapped Mason across the shoulder. “Why do you have to make everything weird?”

“I’m Benjamin Fucking Harrison with Teddy Bear ears here and you’re telling me not to make this weird?! What do you care which princess I have the hots for?”

“I don’t care. And I’d rather not know. That’s my point.”

“What about you Jake? I like them a little sleepy and Jungle Boy likes ’em with split ends. Which princess would you go for?”

“I’m not playing this game with you.”

“That’s what I thought. You’re more of a wicked stepmother kind of guy. Aren’t you? You like to be bossed around a bit? Punished? Made to scrub the floors? Sweep the chimney? Polish the silver?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m not sure. I forgot where I was taking this.”

“Thank God.”

Even the gates to Enchantasia looked sad. The wrought iron was wrought more than intended and twisted upon itself and left to rust. The flowerbeds that once spelled out magical phrases of happiness in well-tended roses were now filled with muddy earth that had been left to wash over the pathway.

The buildings were husks of their former delight. Paint had faded and worn away if it wasn’t burnt away completely. Many of the structures were torn down to their steel skeletons and gave no sign of their original purpose.

Thorne gasped dramatically—it was most likely the only gasp in his programming—and the noise brought several guards out of the dark to stand watch over the gate.

Two monstrous trolls bearing clubs the size of a man stood shoulder to shoulder and blocked the entrance. Their faces were squat and pinched and their brows so heavy that they swallowed their eyes somewhere in the shadow beneath them. They had green, pointed ears covered in warts and a second pair of fuzzy bear ears perched above them. The pair said nothing and made no move to strike. But it was clear that they weren’t moving for just anybody.

A tiny grunt that sounded like a chihuahua losing a fight to its favorite chew toy came from somewhere behind the trolls while a couple of furry green paws appeared between their knees.

“Would you two…” a squeaky voice began.

The paws disappeared and a furry green ball of a tail took their place in trying to squeeze itself between the two trolls. “Would you two move?!”

The tail wriggled and turned into a furry green butt as the squeaking and grunting continued.  The butt eventually became a Bearberry Bear named Tuggles who fell to the ground with an angry giggle as he popped from the trolls’ legs and tumbled to the pathway. He stood and brushed himself off with a cute little wiggle and turned to face the three men dressed as Presidents.

Tuggles jabbed a stumpy green finger at the men and squeaked, “Who goes there?”

Jake cleared his throat and, using his best PBS reenactment voice, declared, “I am President Ulysses S. Grant.”

Thorne stepped forward and bowed, “I am President Rutherford B. Hayes.”

Mason grumbled and muttered, “Frickin’ Harrison.”

Tuggles seemed satisfied by their answers for a moment but then the tiny bear crossed his arms. His brow pinched tight and he leaned forward slightly. The next question came out much more serious. “Who do you think you are?”

“We just told you, you stupid—” Mason’s reply was cut short by Jake’s elbow in his ribs.

Tuggle’s glare didn’t waver. The dead eyes of the machine contained a surprising amount of intensity.

The Trolls shifted their grips on the clubs as they sensed Tuggles’s discontent with how long it was taking them to reply.

Jake’s mind raced until it landed on what he thought might be the answer. “I’m a pirate. Arrgh. They call me the Dread Pirate Orangebeard and I sail upon my ship the Mighty, uh, Marvin, arrgh and search the seventy-seven seas for fun and adventure and uh, fun. Arrgh.”

Tuggles giggled and turned his gaze to Mason.

“I am Sir Stabsalot. Brave and gallant knight of the realm of Lame. My quest is to slay the evil dragon, Stupido, and rescue the damsel Whoreina.”

Tuggles giggled once more and said, “That sounds like so much fun.”

“It’s the best,” Mason said with a roll of his eyes.

Tuggles turned his glare on Thorne, who had not prepared a backstory. “And who do you think you are?”

Could the machine improvise? Could the machine lie? Would Thorne’s altruistic programming betray them?

“I am Thorne. King and protector of the lands of Kandallaha. Upon the back of my mighty T-Rex, Jambha, and with the help of Shashana, my majestic eagle, I watch over the citizens of this land and keep them from harm.”

“Wow! That sounds like so much fun,” Tuggles squealed as he stepped aside. “Come on in and remember—keep imagining.”

The Trolls parted to form a path through the gate to Enchantasia and the pirate, the knight and the Stone Age king entered the magical land.

The magical land looked like crap. A small grouping of buildings that had once been a village of mushroom homes had been burned to the ground. A row of retail shops that had featured a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker had been ransacked. The windows of the stores were scattered in a thousand pieces across the yellow-bricked walkway that led through the village.

Fires burned in trashcans and in piles, and the citizens that had once populated Enchantasia scrambled about, pulling the siding from the remaining buildings to feed the flames.

Puss in Boots struggled to drag a scrap of wood along the ground, and he wasn’t getting any help from Little Boy Blue who, for once, had decided to blow on his horn. He played a sad tune more fit for a smoky night club than the apocalyptic landscape of Enchantasia.

The three rescuers kept moving forward, doing their best not to dwell on the hell around them. Thorne had the hardest time not reacting. While they all recognized the characters from storybooks, he knew them personally. He gasped when a surprisingly round man waddled across their path. “My friend. He was a good man. It pains me to see him like this.”

“Tweedle Dum?” Jake asked.

“Dee,” Thorne said. “Dum was a jerk. I would not be associated with him.”

An army of playing cards marched across their path at a quick pace to the tune of a fiddle being played by a large grasshopper. They seemed in a hurry but the team could not deduce their destination. They let the deck pass.

“They seem alarmed,” Mason said.

“Do you think they’re onto us?” Jake asked, looking over his shoulder.

“With these beards?” Mason laughed. “How could they be?”

“Danger! Danger! Danger!”

The team spun at the sound of the cry. A little boy with blue bear ears stood behind them with an accusatory finger raised. “Danger! Danger! Danger!”

Mason reached for the gun he had tucked inside his Benjamin Harrison costume but Thorne stopped the draw with a raised hand.

The boy continued to scream, “Danger! Danger! Danger!”

None of the other characters seemed to care. They went about their business, trudging across Enchantasia, going about their mysterious duties.

“Tis the boy who cried wolf,” Thorne said quietly. “Pay him no mind. He always yells danger.”

The boy stopped yelling for a moment and then walked over to one of the remaining buildings. He pointed at the wall and yelled once more. “Danger! Danger! Danger!”

Humpty Dumpty looked at the boy and sighed before moving along with his task.

Mason left the gun in the holster and withdrew his hand from the costume. “I hate this place. Let’s find Glitch and get the hell out of here.”

A poorly run power line snapped above them, raining down a shower of blue sparks.

Jake pointed to the wire. “Let’s follow that.”

They encountered more characters but none seemed to take notice of the Presidential trio. The Big Bad Wolf didn’t look so big and bad in orange fur. They spotted two of the three little pigs and wondered if the third wasn’t still holed up in his brick house. A small snowman hummed an annoying tune as he tore apart the entrance to Beauty’s Ball Room and Eatery.

Mason tilted his head to the building in front of them. “Ten bucks says he’s in the creepy castle.”

The clouds were getting darker, but Once Upon a Time Again Castle lit the view before them. Even the streetlights outside the landmark building were glowing bright. All of the power lines led here and arced upwards toward a window high in the castle’s tallest tower. The room flashed with pulses of blue light.

Jake pointed to the tower. “Up there you figure?”

“Yep. It’d be just like him to not get kidnapped on the bottom floor.”

The three Presidents crossed the bridge and made their way up the circular staircase. The door at the top of the stairs looked as they expected—thick wood and iron fittings. As if it was designed to keep a princess locked away from those who would do her harm.

Jake unbuttoned Grant’s jacket and pulled out the disruptor pistol. The model was a concession Lucas had made for the trip. It produced the stopping power of their full-sized packs but with a much more limited capacity. Only two had survived the fall from the plane. Mason drew the other one and nodded at Jake.

“Thorne,” Jake said. “The door please.”

The jungle lord responded with a mighty kick that shattered the door’s false veneer. It flew open, tore from its hinges and exploded into the room, taking out at least one Bearberry Bear in the process based on the surprised giggle the door made as it came to rest.

The crash drew the attention of several other bears and a giant cyclops. Glitch remained motionless on a suspended table.

“Welcome, friends,” said a bear that was dressed like a doctor and covered in blood. “The operation was a success.”

Mason screamed and fired the disruptor at the bear behind the scalpel. The blast knocked the doctor from his stool and set the whole room in motion. Two of the bears jumped on Thorne and attempted to bring him to the ground. Thorne stumbled backward against the tower window and shook one free. It squealed as it plummeted to the ground below.

The other gasped, “You’re a mean President.”

Thorne grabbed the bear by the face and threw the machine at the Cyclops as it rose to enter the fight.

Jake shot it in the arm and swore as the giant machine took the hit with little effect and charged toward him.

Thorne exploded from the wall. He tackled the Cyclops just before it reached Jake and rushed it into one of the cabinets that lined the room’s walls. Sparks exploded from inside of the machine and the Cyclops’s fur clothes burst into flames.

Mason dropped the nurse with another blast and rushed to the suspended platform. “Glitch! Glitch, wake up.”

The cyborg wasn’t responding.

“He’s breathing,” Mason shouted as the Cyclops got to his feet once more.

The machine’s skin fell shriveled as it burned. Its rubber construction explained the failed blast from the disruptor and Jake aimed for the exposed metal skeleton underneath.

“They gave him purple ears!” Mason shouted. “Those bastards!”

Jake fired and struck the Cyclops in the infrastructure.

The giant’s eye went wide as the charge ran through its frame and out the tip of the horn on its head. It pitched forward and crashed to the castle floor.

“He’s not waking up, Jake!”

Jake held the disruptor on the Cyclops for a second longer to make sure it was down before racing to Mason’s aid.

Mason had Glitch unstrapped and was slapping him gently on the cheeks. “I’m getting nothing,” Mason said as he slapped him harder.

“We have to get him out of here.”

“Sure. Give me that forklift you brought.”

Thorne pulled Mason away from the side of the table and pulled Glitch into a seated position. “Is this your friend?”

“Sometimes,” Mason answered.

Thorne tossed the cyborg over his shoulder with little effort and turned toward the door. “Then let us get him to safety and away from this nightmare.”

Mason and Jake watched as the jungle king dressed as Rutherford B. Hayes carried their fallen friend out the door and down the steps.

“How come you never carry me like that, Jake?”

23

Savant swore and began gathering the pieces of equipment as rain fell on his work surface. It started light and was growing thicker by the second. Exactly like his swearing.

Hailey ran over to the makeshift table and shoveled the electronic components into her arms. She followed Savant into one of the nearby huts and set the parts down on the floor.

“Just perfect,” Savant grumbled as he set down his own pile of pieces and began setting up a light to work by. “The weather was the one thing I was enjoying.”

Hailey used the driest part of her shirt to try and soak up the water from a circuit board.

“This is now the worst vacation I have ever taken.” Savant turned on the light and sat on the floor to get back to work. He crossed his legs and leaned over the pile of parts and started sorting them out.

Hailey squatted over the pile and tried to help but he waved her off with a condescending grunt. She stood with a roll of her eyes and watched the “genius” move pieces around. Hate had been a strong word growing up in her house and she had always tried her best never to apply it to anyone. But she really, really disliked Savant. Mason was grumpy but it was obvious that his contempt was an act. With Savant, she tried hard to believe that it was an act but she suspected he didn’t truly care for anyone but himself. However, due to a lack of available teammates to talk to, she was about to find out. “Savant? I need to talk to you about something.”

The man didn’t look up. He grabbed a part from the pile and a soldering gun and set to work as he spoke. “Is now really the time to confess your feelings for me?”

“You disgust me.”

“See? I already knew that. So we can skip the conversation, right?”

“This is about Kat.”

“I disgust her too. Really, can’t all this wait?”

Hailey took a deep breath and exhaled loudly enough to annoy him. Savant looked up with a perturbed look and rolled his eyes. “You know what? All of these repairs can wait. It’s not like the clock is ticking on our one chance to get off this stupid island for stupid kids. Please, tell me all your problems.”

“Kat wants to bring Thorne back with us.”

“Hmm.” Savant went back to repairing the equipment from The Beast. “Jake and Mason off to rescue Glitch. You and Kat conspiring to rescue Jungle Boy. I’m beginning to feel a little left out.”

Hailey pulled up a wooden stool and sat down. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Make everything about you. With, like, the least bit of prodding.”

“It’s not that hard really. I can teach you.”

“No thanks.”

“Step One: Be amazing. And I don’t mean a little bit. You have to be completely amazing.”

Hailey looked at the thatched roof of the hut and closed her eyes. “Incredible.”

“That’s Step Two. Are you sure you haven’t read my blog?”

“This isn’t about you, Savant.”

“And that’s my point. When does it get to be about me? When will someone plan to rescue me?”

“When you’re in trouble, you self-centered prick.”

“Still.” Savant placed a circuit board back in place and closed the casing of a large rifle. “I doubt you all would come after me.”

“Of course we would.”

“Please. None of you like me.”

“But we’d still come for you.”

Savant bolted the rifle case shut and set it down. He grabbed another piece of equipment and kept focused on the work. “You didn’t argue about liking me.”

“Damnit, Savant. This isn’t about you. This is about Kat wanting to take Thorne back with us.”

“Oh. What about it?”

“What do you mean, what about it?”

“Why should I care what she does?”

“Don’t you think it’s a problem?”

“Who am I to judge? I’ve had sex dolls before.”

“He’s not a sex doll, he’s a machine from an island that’s been quarantined by the government specifically to keep the machines from getting off the island.”

“I hate to copy Jake’s plan, but maybe if he wore a disguise.”

Hailey grit her teeth. “I’m not asking for you to help her get him off the island, you idiot.”

“Then what are you asking for, Hailey? I’m really busy here trying to rescue all of us. Even if you wouldn’t rescue me.”

“I said I would rescue you.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t really believe you.”

“Oh my God. You made this about you again!”

“I told you I was amazing. But you didn’t want to hear it.”

“This is serious, Savant. We can’t let her take him off the island.”

“Why not?” Kat asked.

Savant never looked up from his work. “Does it freak you out that she moves so quietly now? It freaks me out. You try to talk about her behind her back and, boom, there she is hearing every word.”

“Shut up, Savant.”  Hailey turned to the jungle queen. “Kat, let me explain.”

“You don’t have to. I get it. I know how crazy it all sounds. I know how illegal it would be. I would be risking everything. And asking all of you to take that risk as well.”

Hailey smiled at her friend. “Thank you, Kat. I know it’s difficult. And I really do wish he could come with us.”

“Oh, he’s coming with us,” Kat said. “I’m just saying that I know about the risks you’ll be taking for me.”

“But, Kat—”

“But, what? I’m not leaving him here. There’s no reason to. He’s fine. You know that. He’s not a part of the problem.”

“I know but—”

“So he’ll just be another machine back in the real world. No different than a washing machine or a really hot leaf blower.”

“Kat, think of what you’re risking.”

“I’ve thought about it, Hailey. Every day. Since I was sixteen. This is new and strange to you. But this is my life and has been for quite some time.”

“His place is here.” Hailey said softly.

Kat’s eyes narrowed. “His place is with me.”

Hailey knew she was losing both the argument and her friend. Sadly, there was only one person she could turn to. “Savant, how about a little help here?”

Savant cursed and dropped a screwdriver. He stood with a frustrated grunt and pointed a finger at Kat. “He’s going to need a new identity. If you get me a fake bio I can crack into the national database when we get back and set him up with an ID. But I can’t do it until we’re out of range of the jammers. So he’s going to need a disguise and not one of Jake’s fake beard jobs, make it a good one. I’d suggest giving him a classic castaway look but don’t make the backstory too sad or he’ll spend too much time being interviewed on the feeds.”

Kat looked at Hailey and back to the computer scientist. She bounced forward and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you, Savant.”

He looked uncomfortable with the physical contact and refused to return Kat’s embrace. “You’re welcome. Now get out of here. I have work to do.”

Kat left less silently than she had arrived. She wasn’t the giggling type, but Hailey could tell her mood had vastly improved.

Savant sat back down on the floor and returned to the pile of broken equipment.

“What the hell was that?”

“What? I helped.”

“You were supposed to help me.”

Savant picked up another broken disruptor and got to work on repairing it. “She was annoying me less than you.”

“Savant, we can’t take him with us.”

“You know, Hailey? I usually give you more credit than the rest of these morons, but you’re really sinking to their level if you think we’re actually getting off this island at all. Let Kat believe he can come with us because we’re not going anywhere.” He gestured to the pile of parts. “Even if I get all of this stuff working. And even if Jake and Mason make it back with Glitch, we’re screwed. There’re not enough of us to make a dent in the army of those stupid bears with what we’ve got.”

“They’ll make it back and we’ll make it out of here.”

“I sure wish I had your optimism. Unfortunately, I’m just too smart for that.”

The hut trembled as a roar echoed through the camp and a smile grew on her lips. The T-Rex had recharged. “You were saying?”

Savant peered into the workings of a disruptor pack. “Get that stupid grin off your face. I already accounted for the dinosaur. We’re still screwed.”

24

Maybe the sound of the thundering rain covered the scream, or maybe the Bearberry bear Thorne had thrown from the tower had no friends, but it was clear by the time they reached the castle gates that no alarm had been raised during the rescue.

The storm did nothing to stop the machines. The fairytale converts went about their labors and paid no attention to the three Presidents as they made their way through Enchantasia.

“How is he?” Jake whispered to Thorne.

“He is still unconscious,” said the protector of Kandallaha. “We must get him to a nurse’s station.”

Mason stomped alongside the two men, saying nothing. His eyes had grown hard and he shot a murderous look at every machine they passed.

Jake noticed the rage building in the man and stepped closer. He whispered, “Stop staring, Mason. You’ll give us away.”

Mason’s response was quiet and came through grinding teeth. “They’re going to pay for this.”

“Let’s get him out of here first,” Jake said, and looked around at the machines. Even with Glitch thrown over Thorne’s shoulder, they were oblivious to their presence. The Mad Hatter trudged through the rain pulling a cart spilling over with colorful fabric. The Big Bad Wolf followed behind him with an armload of scrap metal. A princess—he wasn’t sure which one since she was in rags and not a trademark dress—was headed the other way with an empty basket in her arms. They all had their tasks and were focused on their assignments. Only one looked their way briefly. Jake hadn’t recognized the character. He was tall and broad and wore a thick black Stalin-esque mustache beneath a thick brow and cute little red bear ears.

Jake tried to stare the machine down but he quickly realized the man wasn’t looking at him. He was watching Thorne.

Jake stepped closer to Thorne and spoke softly. “Someone’s eyeing you up.”

Thorne began to turn to search the area but Jake stopped him.

“Don’t look.” He pointed to a curve in the pathway. “Turn here. We’ll just leave him wondering.”

Jake went first around the corner and glanced over his shoulder to make sure Mason and Thorne followed. Both men had followed but stopped. Jake turned back around and saw why.

A line of machines blocked the path ahead of them and Jake recognized them all. Bulk, Jayson and the other TraceRacers formed a wall of pastel fur in front of them. Bite and Mite growled at the men.

The three Presidents turned as one only to find the mustached man with red Bearberry ears standing in front of them. The machine smiled and pointed at Thorne. “I knew I recognized you. You may wear the clothes of a man but you’re still an animal underneath.”

“Yet you are the one with little fuzzy bear ears, Blaxxton.” Thorne hissed the name.

“Blaxxton? Once, perhaps. But, no longer. I’ve seen the evil of my ways, Thorne. Before, I lived only to plunder the world of its resources to no other end but to enrich myself. But I’ve seen the error of my ways. I’ve been shown that money does not lead to happiness. Happiness does. And unlike oil and money, happiness is useless when it’s hoarded. Its true power comes when it is shared. So we’re going to share it with everyone.” Blaxxton’s grin was as evil as ever.  “Isn’t that great?”

“Blaxxton, you’ve been had. These demon bears—”

Blaxxton struck suddenly. His right arm swung up and caught Thorne across the face, forcing the savage gentleman to reel backward and drop Glitch to the pavement. “Professor Thaddeus Blaxxton is no more! I’ve been enlightened, you savage, and with enlightenment I’ve adopted a new identity.”

He struck Thorne to the ground and stood over the fallen machine. “My name is Cuddlewhumpkins!

“Eat this, Cuddlewhumpkins.”

Blaxxton turned to see the initial spark from Mason’s disruptor. The team watched as the blast spread across Cuddlewhumpkins’s face and through his mustache, freezing a rather surprised expression on the Professor’s face.

Jake drew his own disruptor and yelled at Thorne to grab Glitch. He turned and fired a shot at the TraceRacers as they stepped forward. The shot was intended for Mite but his loyal sidekick Bite leapt into the air and took the blast.

Mason dropped the Jaysonbear with another shot and missed Bulk as the giant TraceRacer lumbered forward with his massive hands outstretched. Mason fired as he backed away from the machine. But he bumped into Cuddlewhumpkins’s frozen body and the jolt sent the blast high.

Jake fired his own disruptor at Mite and Melina. The two smaller TraceRacers were quicker and much more nimble than the team’s brute. Melina fell but Mite, angered by the loss of Bite, reverted to his feral kid backstory and the child-sized bear scrambled up the nearest wall and dashed across the roof. Jake fired several more blasts that did nothing but send several wooden shingles flying into the air. Mite leapt from the roof and growled as he flew through the air at Jake.

Jake, surprised that he had time to wonder how much the kid weighed, flinched and braced for the impact. But it never came.

Thorne grabbed the childbear out of the air by the throat. Mite snarled and struggled but Thorne was too strong. The jungle savage reeled back and threw the child back into the air. When he came down, Mite crashed into Bulk and sent both machines crashing through a nearby wall.

Mason had been moments away from being flattened by the bruiser and he turned slowly, slightly pale. He pulled the trigger on his weapon several times to show it was empty. “Thanks, Thorne.”

“Of course, friend Mason.” He swept Glitch from the ground and put him over his shoulder once more. “I fear our presence has been noticed.”

“Ya think?” Mason pulled a thick set of gloves out of his presidential pants pockets. He pulled them on and connected each glove to a lead he pulled from his sleeve. “This is going to get bad.”

“Danger! Danger! Danger!” The boy who cried wolf had snuck up behind them and shouted his alarm.

The boy made no move to attack but he continued to scream and level his finger at the intruders. Mason walked over and punched the kid in the face. The gloves were insulated, so he didn’t feel the charge run through metal plates on the back of the fingers. The boy did.

The machine screamed "Danger!” once more, but the word warbled and faded in the middle.

Mason examined the gloves and chuckled. “That felt better than it probably should have.”

A chorus of giggles caused all three men to turn. For the first time since he’d been programmed, the boy’s calls of danger had drawn a response. Three Bearberry Bears stood among several of the Fairyfolk. Jake didn’t recognize any of the bears by name, but he was sure they were something stupid.

A lime green Bearberry Bear squealed, “Let’s make them happy!”

Jake shot Pinocchio in the face and the puppet fell back into Little Bo Peep. The tiny shepherd kicked the puppet’s corpse aside and continued to march forward with the others.

Thorne readjusted Glitch on his shoulder and whispered to the others, “Friend Jake and friend Mason. We cannot stop them all. I suggest we run for the walls of Kandallaha.”

And so they ran. They abandoned the pretense that they were Benjamin Harrison, Ulysses S. Grant and Rutherford B. Hayes, and they raced for the front gate as all of Enchantasia gave chase.

Most of the characters in the park were easy enough to outrun. Tweedle Dee and Dum both wobbled more than walked. All of the bears were designed to walk upright and gave up considerable speed without the ability to race on all fours. Tom Thumb and Thumbelina were both trampled before they made it four feet. And it was nearly impossible for the princesses to eat up much ground in heels.

The real danger came from what lay between them and the gate.

The Big Bad Wolf leapt out from behind a withered bush and blocked the pathway. The villain roared, then huffed, then puffed, then got shot in the chest. The machine’s synthetic fur charred and smoked as Thorne bowled the wolf out of the way.

Little Boy Blue lay in wait around a corner and blew a charge on his horn that signaled several of the Lollipop Guild to attack. Jake was knocked down by an oversized sucker. Mason rolled to one side to dodge a three-foot wide purple and white lollipop. He came up under the swing and struck the assailant. The diminutive attacker shrieked as Mason’s glove sent a charge through its Animatomatic body before it fell over. Thorne snatched a peach and cherry lollipop from another guild member and took a swing of his own. The baritone bellowed as he flew through the air and crashed into two others.

Jake stood and got his bearings. “Is everyone okay?”

“I just punched a Munchkin in the face,” Mason said. “I’m not sure how I feel about that. Kind of guilty. But kind of good.”

Thorne dropped the giant sucker and repositioned Glitch on his shoulder. “It’s not much farther.”

A few more blasts from Jake’s dying disruptor kept the Enchantasians back as they approached the exit. Jack B. Nimble made it past a couple of shots with some fancy footwork, but Mason ended the threat with a couple of gut punches.

The giant trolls were waiting for them at the gate. Tuggles stood between them, shaking a finger at the men. “I knew you weren’t a real pirate,” he scolded Jake.

“Stand aside, foul creature!” Thorne shouted.

“Or what?” Tuggles asked. “I’m the one with the trolls. And the rule is, he who has the trolls makes the rules.”

“There is no such rule, charlatan!” Thorne screamed.

“I just made it up!” Tuggles fired back. “And I can do that because I have the trolls!”

“I will not play your games of twisted logic,” Thorne said.

“Fine. I don’t want to play with you anyway,” Tuggles crossed his arms and turned his back. Then he poked a fat thumb at the group. “Get them, trolls!”

The trolls answered with a grunt and started forward as more machines arrived behind the group.

Jake pulled the trigger on the disruptor and Lucas would have been so proud. The weapon squeaked, shot a little puff of smoke out of the barrel that rose into a wisp, and drifted away like so many fleeting hopes of not getting crushed by trolls.

Tuggles found it particularly funny and fell to the ground with both hands on his belly. The Bearberry Bear rolled around in hysterics as the trolls trudged forward.

“Mason!” Jake shouted.

“What? You want me to punch a giant troll? That’s quite the step up from the Munchkin.”

“I’m out. Do something!”

Mason raised his fists as if he and the trolls would be honoring Queensbury rules.

The troll on the left raised his club to strike and got eaten by a dinosaur.

“Jambha!” Thorne shouted in delight. “Good girl!”

Jambha raised her head and flung the troll well outside the boundaries of Enchantasia while several Fengali raced through the gate behind her and tackled the second troll.

Tuggles screamed as the white apes joined the fray. “This isn’t fair!” The tiny bear pouted and punched the ground. “This is my game and you’re not playing right!”

The Fengali roared as they engaged the growing army of Fairyfolk while the three “Presidents” stepped under Jambha and made for the gate.

Past the wrought iron arch, Hailey and Kat arrived on the backs on the last two Triceratops. Kat dropped to the ground and ran for Thorne. As she neared, she reached for Glitch. “Is he okay?”

“He has not come to,” Thorne said.

“We have to get him back to the camp,” she said and led Thorne to the dinosaur. Together they placed the cyborg on the back of the Triceratops and Kat jumped back into the howdah.

“Everyone get on!” Hailey shouted as Jambha roared once more.

This time the T-Rex’s roar did not go unanswered. The call that bellowed back stopped everyone in their tracks. The Fengali looked for the source of the sound. Jambha tilted her head as if she were about to ask a question. Tuggles giggled and whispered with delight, “Here comes the Cragosaur.”

The ground shook with the footsteps of the unseen creature and the Fengali backed away. There was a tremendous crash and the newly formed rubble of a building rained down on the group gathered near the gates.

Mason and Jake ducked under Jambha but were quickly forced to move as the Tyrannosaur screamed back into the park and stepped forward to meet the threat.

Another crash crumbled another building and the world’s largest teddy bear stepped into view. It was covered in yellow fur and wore a giant smile but lurking beneath the Bearberry exterior was something much more terrible.

“What the hell is that thing?” Mason asked.

“It was Blaxxton’s Cragosaur,” Thorne explained. “Gods, what have they done to him?”

“That doesn’t look like any dinosaur I’ve ever seen.”

The creature stopped and stood to its full height next to one of the last buildings near the gates. It stood taller than Jambha and had arms more like a man than a dinosaur. It stuck out its arm and turned up its palm to the building’s balcony.

Brexbin giggled as he hopped into the beast’s palm.

The giant bear lifted him up to its shoulder where Brexbin climbed up and onto the beast’s head. The tiny blue bear looked like a growth on the machine’s nose as he waved to the crowd and yelled, “Hi, everybody!”

“Brexbin, you piece of shit!” Mason yelled.

“Now, we don’t approve of that kind of language here. Please try and remember that this is a family place.”

Mason looked around at his feet and then to Hailey. “Give me something to shoot him with, please!”

“And speaking of family,” Brexbin continued. “Glitch is a part of our family now and we’re not going to let you take him. He’s special, you know. Thanks to him we’re going to turn everyone into Bearberry Bears so they can all go on great adventures and be happy.”

“What did you do to him, foul creature?” Thorne shouted.

“He’s one of us now, Thorne. Just like the Presidents and the TraceRacers and Cuddlewhumpkins and soon, everybody else in the whole wide world.”

“Jambha!” Thorne screamed a command that only the T-Rex was trained to understand and the dinosaur lunged forward.

She collided with the Cragosaur and the two giants stumbled back through the building’s fairytale façade. It collapsed around them as they shoved back and forth. Jambha’s charge had given her the upper hand, but the Cragosaur’s longer arms soon came into play and pulled the T-Rex off balance.

Both creatures roared and snapped back and forth, trading blows and bites. Brexbin raced back and forth on top of the Cragosaur, laughing as he fought to keep his balance.

Thorne shouted more commands and one of the Triceratops raced in to help. The beast lowered its head and charged at the Cragosaur’s legs. Its horned face collided with the titan’s ankle and brought the behemoth crashing to the ground, flattening Humpty Dumpty and sending Brexbin tumbling away in the process.

Jambha pounced on her fallen prey and bit into the machine’s neck.

The Cragosaur screamed and tried to pull itself out from under the T-Rex, but Jambha kept up her attack, chomping at any limb that was unfortunate enough to come near her mouth.

Soon the fur was hanging from the Cragosaur, exposing the lizard skin of its original form. The giant bear landed a couple of weak punches that only enraged Jambha further. The T-Rex reared back and roared at the sky.

The momentary distraction proved fatal.

The Cragosaur seized Jambha’s right arm and pulled it from her body.

“Yay!” Brexbin cheered. “Go Craggy!”

“Jambha!” The dinosaur’s pain could be heard in Thorne’s cry.

His scream caught the Cragosaur’s attention and the beast threw the arm at the group gathered by the gate. It landed limply in front of Thorne and bounced at his feet.

Jambha stepped away as her shoulder sent sparks into the rain. The loss of the limb confused the machine’s balance, and the T-Rex stumbled about as the Cragosaur struck back. Jambha roared with each blow and tried to pull away but the Cragosaur pressed the attack.

The Triceratops crashed into the giant bear’s legs once more in an attempt to bring it back down, but the beast wouldn’t fall. A second charge drew the Cragosaur’s attention away from the fight and Jambha struck. The Tyrannosaur locked its powerful jaws on the Cragosaur’s arm and twisted. The titanic teddy bear roared in pain and tried to wrench its arm free.

But Jambha’s bite was too strong. The T-Rex shifted its weight and the Cragosaur was forced to its knees.

The Triceratops charged into the creature’s calf, exposing the inner mechanics to the world. It backed up and struck again. Cables snapped and pneumatic hoses hissed as the Triceratops’s horn wreaked havoc on the mechanics. It backed up and charged again. It built up a full head of steam, bounding into the air with each step. It raced into striking distance and dove for the Cragosaur.

The yellow monster reacted in an instant and swept the Triceratops into a headlock. Before the Triceratops could try to pull away, the Cragosaur twisted and drove the horned dino’s face through Jambha’s stomach.

The T-Rex roared and the Triceratops squealed as the Cragosaur gutted Jambha. Oil and cabling spilled onto the ground and mixed with the puddles of rainwater.

“Holy shit!” Mason pointed to the scene as Jambha collapsed on top of the Triceratops. “That thing just stabbed that dinosaur with another dinosaur!”

Kat rushed to Thorne’s side as he watched his friend and fellow defender of Kandallaha fall. She put her hand on his shoulder, but he could only stare at the carnage before him.

The Cragosaur turned to the group at the gate and charged. A blinding flash exploded from the machine’s damaged calf and it collapsed on its side.

Thorne kneeled down and picked up Jambha’s severed limb. He cradled it in his arms as the rain continued to fall.

Brexbin scrambled over the fallen bear and looked into his eyes as the rest of the Enchantasians gathered around. “Get up, Craggy,” Brexbin said. “You can do it.”

The giant bear tried to comply but its busted leg couldn’t bear the weight and it fell back to the ground.

Brexbin spun and pointed a sopping wet paw at Thorne. “You hurt Craggy!”

“You will die for this, Brexbin!”

“I don’t think so, Thorne.” The blue bear turned to the machines around him. “Get them!”

The Fengali retreated and grunted for Thorne to follow but the defender of Kandallaha stood his ground and stared at his pint-sized enemy.

“We have to go, Thorne,” Jake said.

“I’m sorry,” Kat whispered as she took Jambha’s arm. “But we have to go. We can’t beat them like this.”

Thorne grunted, turning away from his fallen friend and companion, and ran with Kat and her friends back to the safety of the gates of Prehistoria.

25

Glitch awoke laid out on a hard surface and refused to open his eyes, so he squeezed them tighter. It helped with the pain in his head but mostly, he didn’t want to see Dr. Butterfingers or that horrid nurse any more. A ratchet twisted away somewhere in the room and he wondered what they were going to do to him next. He sniffed and could tell that it was raining. It had really freshened up the air in the tower.

The ratchet stopped and a voice whispered. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.”

“Oh my God!” Glitch thought. “They turned me into Sleeping Beauty!” He let his hand drift to his chest to test his theory and opened his eyes once he realized he was no longer strapped down.

This wasn’t the tower at all. It was some kind of hut. He sat up quickly and saw Savant staring at him from behind a disassembled disruptor pack. It was all very confusing. “Savant? Is that you?”

“Well played, Glitch. You always were aces at Guess Who.” Savant turned to the door and shouted, “He’s up.”

Glitch turned and put his feet on the ground. “What’s going on? Why does my head hurt?”

“They gave you ears,” Savant said as he returned to his work.

“Ears?” Glitch gingerly touched the top of his head and felt the tickle of fur against his palm. “What color are they?”

“Purple.”

“Those bastards,” Glitch said. “What else did they do to me?”

“Nothing as far as we can tell.”

“But they said the operation was a success. They said they turned me into one of them.”

“Sure they said it.” Savant agreed. “But they aren’t the brightest anthropomorphic bears I’ve ever seen. Maybe their understanding of biology isn’t as good as they think it is.”

“I told them everything. Why else would I do that?”

“You’re not the smartest cyborg I’ve ever seen.

Glitch touched the ears again. “You couldn’t take the ears off?”

“Sure, I could have. They’re just stitched on there.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because it’s funny.”

“Savant, I—”

“Glitch!” Hailey raced into the hut and threw her arms around the cyborg. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Well he does have bear ears.”

“Shut up, Savant,” Glitch said after doing his best to give Hailey a one-armed hug.

Jake and Mason stepped into the hut. Jake put his hand on his shoulder and smiled. “It’s good to have you back, big guy.”

Mason crossed his arms and refused to smile. “You’re an idiot.”

Glitch smiled and nodded his thanks. “Where’s Kat?”

“She’s consoling Thorne about the loss of his dinosaur,” Mason replied.

“Sure,” Glitch nodded. “That makes sense. What’s a Thorne?”

Commander Mike popped his head into the door of the hut. “Is your friend okay?”

“He’s fine, Commander,” Jake said.

“I’m glad to hear it,” the monkey said and disappeared back out the door.

“So,” Glitch stood and smiled at his friends in the room. “Space monkeys. Dinosaurs. I’ve got purple ears. What the fuck is going on?”

“Well,” Savant said, taking a deep breath. “Thanks to you, the Bearberry Bears think they’ve found a way to turn everybody into one of them and now they’re probably planning to take our plane off the island if we don’t stop them first which is going to be hard because their dinosaur stabbed our dinosaur with another dinosaur and there’s an entire army of bears and fairies and all sorts of weird shit standing in our landing zone. So they’ll probably get away with it and we’ll either be stuck here forever or killed trying to stop them. But, hey, we got you back.”

Glitch took it all in and nodded slowly. “Shit.”

“Yeah,” Savant agreed.  “‘Shit’ sums it all up nicely.”

“It’s not as bad as all that,” Jake said.

“Oh, good.” Glitch scratched his head and pulled his hand back with a snap when he accidentally touched his new ears.

“No,” Jake continued. “It’s still bad. But Savant has been working on rebuilding the equipment and we still have Thorne and the Fengali. And I think some tigers or something.”

Hailey jumped in. “We’re going to get out of here, Glitch.”

“Yep,” Savant said. “Just a few more hours and I’ll have everything we need for an assault.”

“Well, that’s good,” Glitch said. “When does the plane get here?”

Savant threw down the ratchet. “90 minutes.”

“Just keep working, Savant,” Hailey snapped.

“You’re not the boss of me.”

“Just keep working, Savant,’ Jake repeated.

Savant pointed at Jake with a wink. “Touché, boss.”

“Glitch!” Kat shouted as she ran through the door and embraced him. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks, Kat.”

A man entered behind her that Glitch didn’t recognize. He had short hair, and a pair of glasses with a broken lens that hid his eyes. He wore a Monkeynauts t-shirt that had seen better days and what looked to be a Fantastic Island crewmember jacket.

“Hey, everyone!” Mason said. “It’s a complete stranger.”

Before the man could speak, Kat raised her hand. “Everyone, I’d like you to meet Michael.”

“What’s going on, Kat?” Jake asked.

“I meant to tell you.” Hailey said.

“Yes,” said Kat. “Michael. He’s been stranded here since the incident. Living off what was left behind. You can probably tell that from the clothes he’s wearing.”

“Wow!” Glitch stood and shook the man’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. You must have quite the story.”

“Moron,” Savant said. “It’s Thorne. Kat just cut his hair and gave him glasses.”

Glitch looked to Kat for an answer. “What’s going on?”

It always irritated Glitch when Savant explained to him slowly. It was insulting and unnecessary, but he had to admit that sometimes it was helpful. Savant took an exaggerated breath. “Kat has the hots for Thorne and is planning on smuggling him off the island. Hailey doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t really care. And Mason and Jake are learning about it this very second.”

Glitch shook his head. “Who?”

“Thorne,” Hailey said.

“Who’s Thorne?” Glitch’s headache was coming back.

“Michael is Thorne.”

Glitch pounded the table with his one remaining fist. “But who is Thorne?”

“The guy with the dinosaurs, dummy.”

“Oh,” Glitch felt he had finally caught up to the conversation. “I’m sorry you lost your dinosaur, Mr. Thorne.”

“What’s this about Kat taking Thorne?” Jake asked.

“Rescuing Thorne,” Kat insisted.

Hailey looked at Kat and back to Jake. “I was going to tell you but then there was the thing with Glitch and that giant bear. A lot happened and I didn’t get a chance.”

“Kat, you can’t take him with us,” Jake said.

“He’s not a threat, Jake.”

“I know that. But do you think anyone is going to believe that after what happened here?”

“Duh. That’s why the disguise.”

“Thorne can’t come–”

“Michael.”

“Fine. Michael can’t come with us.”

“But he is,” Kat put her arm around Thorne.

“He—”

“He is.”

“Friend Jake, I don’t wish to be a bother.”

“Thorne, you’ve done everything you could to help us and I don’t know how to repay you—”

“I do,” Kat said. “He’s coming with us.”

“Kat.” Jake did that thing where he tried to slow the conversation down and sound serious. Glitch smiled inside. They all knew when Jake did this he was about to lose the argument. Jake was the best boss Glitch had ever had. Part of what made him such a great boss was how bad he was at being boss-like. Jake ended his dramatic pause with, “No.”

“Jake.” Kat paused less for drama and more for mockery. “Blow it out your ass. He’s coming.”

“He’s not.”

“I have a solution.” Savant stood and raised his hand. “We’re all going to die.”

“Savant—”

“Or be left here. Either way, arguing about Jungle Boy’s future is a waste of time. And if no one’s stepped up with the cliché ‘we don’t have time to waste’ yet, I’ll say it right now. Because if you keep screwing around, our extremely slim chance is gone.”

“Shit,” Mason said. “I think Savant is actually the voice of reason.”

Hailey agreed and added, “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that.”

Savant brushed his hands together. “So, I’m going to go back to fixing all this stuff and you all should go figure out what we’re going to do about this giant teddy bear dinosaur thing—”

“The Cragosaur,” Thorne corrected.

“Yeah, just do it away from my hut, okay?”

The group stepped outside and Jake caught up to Kat and Thorne. “We need to talk about this, Kat.”

“I’m doing this, Jake. It’s the only reason I came back.”

Glitch’s head still hurt around his new ears and he wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but he wanted to help his friend. “What’s the big deal, Jake? Why can’t he come with us? We just won’t tell anyone he’s a machine.”

“It’s not that easy,” Jake protested.

“It could be,” she said. “I survived here and they stopped looking for me. Is it unreasonable to think someone else might have been left behind? Besides, Savant is probably right. We’re all screwed if we can’t get past that thing, and the bears and who knows how many others are fighting against us.”

“Shashana has been watching the army build, friend Jake.” Thorne pointed into the sky, but Jake could not see the eagle. “They are coming from all over the park into Enchantasia.”

“Are you saying we’re going to lose, too, Thorne?”

“I do not know what the future holds. I only know that our enemies are many and we are few. And we have nothing that can match the Cragosaur for strength.”

“It was damaged though. They couldn’t fix it that quickly.”

“Those demon bears are full of surprises, friend Jake.”

“No,” Hailey said. “If they had fixed the Cragosaur, it would be pounding on the gates right now.”

That’s when the pounding started. The gates shook, timbers cracked, and the entire perimeter fence shook with each strike. But there were only three and then the pounding stopped.

“What the hell was that?” Mason pointed to the sky. “And why did it just stop?”

Thorne grunted to one of the white apes nearby. The creature dashed off toward the gates.

The frightening sound had taken the wind out of the conversation. Everyone turned to face the gate.

Glitch tapped Mason on the shoulder and quietly said, “Thanks for coming after me.”

Mason smiled and punched Glitch in the shoulder. It was practically a hug.

“Is there any chance you rescued my new arm while you were there?” Glitch pointed to his empty shoulder.

“I’m sorry, man. There was a lot of screaming and shooting and I didn’t even think to look.”

There was an obvious sadness in Glitch’s voice. “I don’t know how much help I’m going to be with only one arm.”

Thorne overheard this and grunted at another of his apes. The creature grunted in response and rushed into one of the other huts.

“Friend Glitch, I am sorry to see the state that those foul creatures have put you in. I have a gift that may help you in the coming fight.”

The white ape returned a moment later carrying a severed arm. Thorne took it from the ape and handed it to Glitch with more reverence than a robot arm truly deserved. It was covered in red lizard skin that was torn near the shoulder and ended in two massive claws.

“Um, thanks, Michael but—”

“Please, friend Glitch. Call me Thorne.”

The gates were opening, but the apes were grunting something at Thorne that somehow sounded comforting to Glitch. He didn’t know why but he knew the disturbance at the gate wasn’t a concern.

Thorne listened to the grunts and turned to the group. “There is no need for alarm. I will be back.”

“Okay, Thorne.” Glitch held up the arm. “Thanks for this.”

“You are truly welcome, friend Glitch.” With this Thorne turned and hurried out of the village, leaving Kat there with a sad smile on her face.

“Is he okay, Kat?”

The girl nodded. “That was a big deal for him.”

“Uh, okay.”

Thorne returned a moment later, escorting the visitor at the gate.

“Bully!” roared Roosevelt at the site of Mason and Glitch. “It’s good to see that you boys made it here safely.”

“Teddy! You’re okay. How are you okay?” Glitch asked.

“Not only am I okay, I’ve got another dozen bear skin rugs to add to my collection. But I do apologize for being late. Those damn things almost had us.”

Glitch laughed and introduced the President to the group. “Everyone, this is—”

Hailey stopped him short. “We know who he is, Glitch.”

“Bully! It is a pleasure to meet all of you.”

“What was all that at the gate?” Kat asked.

“I’m glad you asked. I’d love to show you my big stick.”

Kat winced. “Gross.”

“Oh for God’s sake, woman, it’s a metaphor.” Teddy said. “Why don’t you just all head to the gate.”

“It’s quite remarkable,” Thorne said and waved for them all to follow. Mason and Glitch stayed a moment with the President.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Teddy. We thought they had you.”

Theodore laughed. “It will take more than a bunch of bears and Taft to take me down, son.”

“Thank you for coming, sir!” Glitch said.

“I wouldn’t miss this fight for anything, son. And I see you finally got your arm back.”

“It’s not mine. It’s someone else’s. Mine was less… lizardly.”

“Well, either way,” Roosevelt said. “I’m sure it will come in handy with the coming battle.”

Glitch shook the arm. The claws at the wrist waggled back and forth. “I guess I could hit the bears with it.”

Mason chuckled. “I don’t think that’s what he wanted.”

“I don’t get it.”

Mason put an arm around Glitch and led him back to Savant’s hut. “Come on you moron.”

* * *

Thorne stood on the wall of Kandallaha, dressed as Michael, staring out into the rain.

Kat walked up behind him and put her arms around his stomach. “What are you looking at?”

“Kandallaha. I know that it may be the last time I look upon her, and something in my mind will not accept it.”

“It’s been your home forever. I know that it will be hard to leave.”

“It is not just my home. It is my charge. I will not only be leaving Kandallaha, I will be turning my back on my sworn oath and my friends.”

“Aren’t I your friend?”

“You are my Queen. And where you go, I will follow. It’s just…” his voice trailed off and he put his hands upon the wall. The sun was trying to break through the clouds before it set and it painted the park a fiery orange that pulsed as the clouds moved above them.  “My dearest Kat, I fear friend Jake may be right.”

“He’s not. Okay? We talked about this. You belong with me.”

“But what if our ruse is discovered? What if they don’t believe that I’m this Michael person? Then I will have lost you and Kandallaha.”

“They won’t. I’m telling you, the plan will work. I’ve spent years dreaming of rescuing you and everything, including the government, got in the way of that. I’m certainly not going to let you stop me from saving you.”

Thorne watched their small army grow behind the gate. The Fengali, the tigers, the remaining Presidents. It was a small force destined to fail. “Your friend Savant is most likely correct, you know? We are most likely marching to our doom.”

Kat ducked under Thorne’s arm and stood in front of him. The hair was a different cut and color but she would never do anything to change his eyes. She looked into the blue pools that had been designed for beauty but saw the man underneath. “There’s no one I would rather be doomed with.”

“Sweet Kat. My Queen. That is stupid. But beautiful.”

26

The rain had finally stopped and the clouds thinned as the sun began its descent behind Once Upon A Time Ago Castle. Enchantasia would be cloaked in long shadows by the time their ride landed. And those shadows wouldn’t make the place any less creepy.

The thunder was gone. The rain no longer masked the sounds of the park, but still they heard nothing. Enchantasia was disturbingly quiet. Somewhere inside the formerly enchanted land there was an army of murderous cuddly bears, bearified Presidents and Fairyfolk, but they weren’t making a sound. The team had expected some singing but there was nothing at all as they approached the gate.

Mason adjusted the pack on his back and checked the disruptor that it powered. “I hate to say it, but hearing one of their stupid songs would make me feel better right now.”

Glitch stood beside him adjusting the IMP in his hand as if he couldn’t get comfortable with the weapon. He was used to the electromagnetic pulse cannon. It was the T-Rex hand he wasn’t quite used to yet. He shifted the IMP’s barrel in his two claws and winced as the metal scraped against the nails. “You think we’d hear something. There has to be hundreds of them in there.”

“Two hundreds,” came the giggle as Brexbin waddled into the middle of the gate.

The team stopped.

“Hi, everybody. It looks like you have some new toys there. Can we play?”

Thorne stepped forward and spoke for the group. “Brexbin. There is no need for violence here. Let us pass and no one will get hurt.”

Brexbin smiled. “You sound sad, Thorne. I hate to hear you sound sad. What can I do to make you happy?”

“You could die.”

“That’s not very nice, Thorne. Is this about your dinosaur? You’ll be happy to know she’s feeling much better and she’ll be back on her feet soon.”

Thorne lunged toward the blue-furred bear, but Kat grabbed him by the arm and stopped him. He looked at her and forced back his rage. “Let us pass, Brexbin.”

“No. I don’t think so, Thorne. This is a happy place and I don’t want you to ruin it.”

Mason drew the disruptor wand and powered it on. “We’re getting on that plane, bear.”

“I’m sorry. We need that plane. Thanks to Glitch, we now know how to make the whole world happy.”

Glitch stepped forward. “You’re going to kill people, Brexbin. That’s not what Bearberry Bears do.”

“I think I know what we do better than you.” Brexbin whistled and his army appeared.

The Fairyfolk came first from out of the rubble. There were more now than they had seen earlier. A ten-foot giant, possibly Jack’s giant but now bearing peach fur, stepped out from behind the burned-out shell of the Princess Portrait Studio. Gnomes and sprites bounced and flitted about wearing tiny bear ears and puffy tails.

Then the others began revealing themselves. The missing Monkeynauts and Major Ursa and his Cosmomutts, Ivan, Pietor and a time-displaced Laika stood side by side. Stanley, now more bear than monkey, maneuvered the A.P.E. exoskeleton in behind them. It was as tall and imposing as the giant. Presidents of all stripes filled in the crowd.

Two of the camera drones whizzed through the crowd while two more pulled back for a wide shot of the gathering.

Brexbin smiled at his army and turned back to the team. “It’s all of us against the seven of you, so it’s safe to say the plane is ours. Now why don’t we put a smile on your faces and use our imagination to go to amazing places?”

The army rushed forward and Mason fired a blast at Brexbin. The Bearberry Bear squeaked as he flinched at the incoming pulse. But the blast fell short of its target as a fairy exploded and two translucent wings fluttered slowly to the ground.

Brexbin giggled and disappeared behind the approaching army.

Mason shouted, “Stupid pixie!”

“I think it was a fairy,” Glitch said.

“Shut up, lizard man.”

“That hurts, Mason.”

Jake pulled the trigger on his own disruptor and hoped that Savant’s patch job worked. He felt the current warm the wand and held his breath as the charge arced from the wand and knocked Sleeping Beauty out cold. “Call them, Thorne.”

The jungle king, dressed as Michael the survivor, cupped his hands around his mouth and bellowed his trademark call. Part animal and part rage, the shout carried above the clatter of the marching machines and thunder erupted.

Behind the team came their own army of white apes, giant tigers and the lone Triceratops. Atop one of the tigers, Tyler screamed his battle cry, “Tippecanoe and Tyler, too!”

Behind the charging creatures ran the rest of the Presidents to join the fray. Obama dropped to one knee and fired a musket ball that took out a gnome’s kneecap. The half-size bear fell to the ground and Obama pumped his fist. “Now let me be clear!”

The front line collided with Brexbin’s army in a crash of metal and roars. Several Fengali took on Jack’s giant while the others thrashed the Fairyfolk. The tigers pounced on a contingent comprising characters from Wonderland and Oz. Tweedle Dum lost an arm immediately and the Tin Man’s body was flattened like tin beneath the weight of Tyler’s tiger.

Jake and the others picked off random fairytale characters as they tried to escape the carnage. Commander Mike leapt into the frenzy and made his way about the crowd by jumping from head to head, distracting the characters and calling out shots for any who would listen. “Shoot this one. And this one. This one, too.”

Goldilocks screamed as she rode Papa Bear into battle. Mama Bear and Baby Bear loped along beside them and mowed down a few of their own as they charged toward Jake and the others.

Hailey spotted the charge and screamed a warning. “Bears!”

“No shit, Hail,” Savant said as he shot one of the Billy Goats Gruff.

“I mean more bears,” Hailey clarified, and turned her disruptor on the tiny blonde.

Papa Bear dodged the blast and it took out Baby Bear, which really pissed off Mama Bear. She charged ahead of Papa Bear and leapt into the air to strike Hailey.

The paw was massive and the claws were six inches long. Hailey crouched and closed her eyes, so she didn’t see the Triceratops take out the Three Bear Assault. Goldilocks shrieked and Mama Bear’s growl crackled as Thorne’s last dinosaur pal impaled the Fairyfolk on its face and swept them away.

Glitch put an arm on Hailey, his real arm, and helped her up. “You okay, Hailey?”

“I am, Glitch. Thank you.”

The cyborg smiled at her. “Keep firing. We’re winning.”

They were winning. The Fairyfolk were no match for the Fengali and the tigers. Even the larger machines like the trolls were struggling against Thorne’s forces. W kept screaming “Mission accomplished!” after every shot he fired dropped a munchkin. Only the flying monkeys were proving difficult to down. And Stanley.

The Monkeynaut worked the giant exoskeleton like an extension of her own self and was holding off three Fengali at a time. Despite this, the battle was certainly going in their favor. Jake even caught Savant looking optimistic.

The Cragosaur’s roar brought everything to a halt. Both armies turned toward the sound and grew silent. The ground shook with each step the monster took. But not like before. The solid beat of two footsteps was gone and replaced with an earthshaking pound, followed by a long, slow grating. The sound repeated steadily. Thump. Scrape. Thump. Scrape. And, whether by design or coincidence, it set the rhythm for the haunting song Brexbin and Bearberry Bears sang as they approached.

Here we come

“No,” Savant groaned. “I thought we were done with the singing.”

Here we come

“It’s the theme song,” Glitch said.

The Bearberry bears are coming for you

“It opened every show,” he added. “They’d march together singing this.”

Savant rolled his eyes. “Thanks for the info, nerd.”

A lone bear yelled, “We’ll take you and make you have such fun”

Another followed, “We want to see a smile on everyone”

The Cragosaur stomped into view. Its fur was still torn from the earlier battle and it dragged its damaged leg behind it as it walked. But it was standing. And once more Brexbin stood on its shoulder. At its feet was an army of Bearberry bears. Buttersnap, Lilypuff, JoJo, Scramp, Hankysmank and all the rest lined up in ranks. The blue bear smiled and finished the first verse of their song. “And we won’t stop until we’re done. And everyone is having fun.”

The Fengali charged the dinobear and were met with a mighty swipe of its hand that sent more than a couple of them flying deep into Enchantasia.

The Cragosaur roared as it tried to stomp on a tiger that was chewing on its toe.

The rest of the bears waddled forward into battle and they sang the second verse as a battle hymn. Through broken speakers and out of tune modulators the song took on a haunting sound that sent shivers through the team.

Here we come

Here we come

The Bearberry Bears are at it again

We’re making up games and making everyone play

We let our imaginations get carried away

Now we’re all happy and that’s how we’ll stay

We’ll laugh and sing and play all day

And learn some things along the way

The song alone caused Tyler to pause and the approaching army of technicolor teddy bears came within seconds of swarming over the President and his tiger. “Tippecanoe and Tyler, too!” he shouted as he made a retreat.

The Fengali were falling back as well while doing their best to stay out of the Cragosaur’s reach. The monstrous bear limped forward, edging closer to the gate with every drag of its foot.

“Thorne,” Mason said as the beast limped closer, “I think it’s time to signal Teddy.”

Thorne raised his hands to his mouth once more. His chest expanded as if the machine was actually drawing breath and then he yelled.

“Bully!” came the reply as Theodore Roosevelt brought the cavalry.

Reagan screamed something about commies as he fired the powerful IMP. The rifle sent a ripple through the air that melted a hole in Hankysmank and sent a line of Bearberry Bears scrambling for cover.

Van Buren wore two disruptors and held a discharger in each hand. He fired both with deadly accuracy and yelled, “The less government interferes with private pursuits, the better for general prosperity,” with more bloodlust than it had ever been yelled before.

The mighty ape Kor led the Fengali reserves and commanded the division of white apes with grunts from the back of his tiger.

President Roosevelt let them run ahead and then smiled and said, “Let’s give ’em hell, Tommy.”

“Happy to, TR.” Jefferson said in response to the President on his shoulder, and waded straight into the battle. The twenty-foot President crushed JoJo and Honeypoo as he charged toward the Cragosaur.

The Bearberry Bear army gasped as Jefferson crushed Gingerscotch and Buttersnap beneath his massive bronze feet and drove a shoulder into the giant dinobear.

The Cragosaur seemed as shocked as the ground troops to see a giant bronze man join the fight. It growled as it stumbled backward.

Brexbin rolled backward and fell from the beast’s shoulder. The tiny bear grabbed a handful of fur and stopped his plummet.

“I warned you, you damned bear,” Teddy shouted from Jefferson’s shoulder.

Jefferson followed the charge with a right cross and knocked the Cragosaur farther back into the park. He kept the pressure and the blows up until the giant bear had been removed from the fight.

With the Cragosaur occupied by the former Presidents, Brexbin’s troops on the ground were exposed.

The team opened up on the bears. Mason shot Goldisocks. Kat fried Scamp. Hailey took out Plixy and Fizzlybub since the two were holding hands when the blast hit them, and Glitch impaled Baby Boo on his new claws. Sniggles and Tinkerfitz fell as well and soon the rest were retreating.

“We’ve got the commie bastards on the run!” shouted Reagan.

“Now let me be clear!” agreed Obama.

“Press forward!” Jake waved the team on behind him and they pushed into the park.

The Bearberry Bears were running now; only a few straggling Fairyfolk put up any resistance, and the Fengali were more than happy to sweep them aside.

Jet engines screamed above them and they watched as the aircraft passed over Enchantasia. They waved frantically to get the pilot’s attention.

“There’s our ride!” Glitch shouted.

“Dibs on punching Lucas!” Mason said.

They raced deeper into the park where parts of the buildings still remained. The aircraft circled wide and slowed as it switched to vertical flight at the far end of the park.

“This way,” Kat shouted as she pulled Thorne down a pathway between the buildings.

But that way was blocked by Stanley in her A.P.E.

“Stanley!” the Commander shouted in delight.

The Monkeynaut in the mech showed no signs of recognition and smashed a giant metal fist toward Mason. Glitch tackled his friend out of the way as the A.P.E. hand drove itself into the asphalt. The A.P.E. raised its hand to strike again.

Savant fired a blast from his disruptor. The blue bolt of electricity struck the driver’s cage of the exoskeleton and ran across the mesh screen. The spark dissipated and had no effect on the machine.

“What the hell,” Savant said as Commander Mike pulled him out the path of another blow.

“It’s protected,” the Monkeynaut explained. “The Faraday cage protects the driver from cosmic rays.”

“That’s not how a Faraday cage works,” argued Savant.

“Sure it is,” the monkey commander was focused on the machine’s driver.

“That’s bullshit science, monkey. No wonder your show was canceled.”

But the Commander wasn’t listening. “I have to talk to her. She has to know me.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Mike,” Jake said as he fired another shot at the A.P.E. that ended up being as ineffective as the first.

“I have to try.” The monkey’s brow hardened. “She would do it for me.”

Savant groaned, “This is ridiculous.”

“You’re a sad human being,” the monkey said.

“Mike,” Jake put a hand on the Commander’s shoulder. “You can’t do this.”

“I’ll save her, Jake. And while I do, your friends can escape. Don’t worry about me. You have to catch the plane and stop Brexbin.”

Savant stuck out his hand and shook the monkey’s paw. “With writing like that it’s no wonder your series got pulled.”

“Now, go!” With this, Commander Mike McMonkey sprang into action. He leapt on a nearby wall and sprung onto the A.P.E.’s windshield. The mech stumbled backward as Stanley tried to wipe Commander Mike away. But the monkey was too fast. He scrambled all over the cockpit shouting his undying love for the monkey inside.

The distraction left an opening in the road ahead and Kat pointed it out. “Everyone, run!”

They all dashed through, and the avenue led to the castle where the two behemoths were still going at it. Jefferson had the Cragosaur pinned against one of the towers with a forearm under its chin. Teddy cheered him on as Tommy delivered blow after blow into the machine’s stomach.

“Thank you, Mr. President!” Glitch shouted as they ran past the two titans.

Roosevelt looked down from Jefferson’s shoulder and smiled. His teeth gleamed in the last rays of the setting sun. “It’s our pleasure to serve, boys.”

Brexbin was cowering behind the Cragosaur’s ear. He peeked out and shouted, “That’s my plane!”

Mason laughed. “Good luck catching your flight with the Sage of Monticello kicking your ass.”

“I’m not letting you take it!”

“I’d like to see you stop us!” Savant laughed.

Brexbin ran across the Cragosaur’s shoulders and jumped into the air. “Craggy, throw me.”

Before anyone could tell Savant they told him so, Brexbin landed in the Cragosaur’s hand and was hurled over the castle walls in the direction of the plane with a long, drawn out, “Wheeeeeee!”

“Damn,” Roosevelt said. “I didn’t see that coming. Catch your plane thing, my friends. And save this great nation of ours.”

“You think he could survive that?” Kat asked.

“We can’t take a chance,” Jake said. “We have to get there first.”

They ran on past the castle and saw the plane setting down on the outskirts of Enchantasia. Smittens tried to surprise them by jumping out of a trashcan but Hailey blasted the bear before it could say “boo.”

They passed other Bearberry Bears as they raced for the plane, but in smaller numbers they weren’t much of threat. And they waddled so slowly that they were soon left behind.

The team soon reached the edge of Enchantasia and saw the plane waiting for them in a field beyond a chain link fence. Glitch’s new arm clawed through the fence with little trouble and each member made their way to the aircraft.

Overgrown vegetation was flattened by the jet wash of the waiting engines. The loading ramp was lowered and lit with floodlights.

“I don’t see Brexbin anywhere,” Hailey said as they ran for the ramp.

“I hope that little blue bastard is at the bottom of a crater somewhere.”

They reached the ramp and Jake ran inside. “Lucas?”

The cargo bay was empty.

“Lucas? Where are you?”

A monitor near the cockpit door lit up. Lucas’s face appeared. “Thank God, you’re alive. You are all alive, right?”

Jake stared into the monitor. “Barely.”

“That’s good. My lawyer says barely counts.”

“Where the hell are you?”

“I’m, uh, I’m back here. They wouldn’t let anyone on the plane. They said it was too dangerous.”

“What are you talking about? Who is flying?”

“They’re flying it remotely from here,” Lucas said.

Hailey stood beside Jake and leaned in close to the monitor. “Who is ‘they,’ Lucas?”

“Uh. So I may have lied about the legality of all this.”

Mason raced to the screen. “You piece of shit!”

“No, no,” Lucas insisted. “It’s okay. Since no one died, we won’t be charged with murder.”

Kat and Thorne climbed into the craft and closed the ramp behind them. “What’s going on?” she asked.

“Lucas lied and now he’s been arrested.”

“Well,” Lucas cleared his throat. “We’re all being arrested, technically.”

“What do you mean ‘technically’?” Savant asked.

“Well technically I guess I mean actually.”

“Who is this man on the screen?” Thorne asked.

Lucas moved closer to the screen. “Who is that?”

“His name is Michael,” Jake said. “He’s a survivor from the incident.”

“Oh my… really?”

“Really,” Glitch said.

“That’s great! This is really going to help our case.” Lucas smiled. He turned to someone off the camera. “See? I told you it was a rescue mission. What do you mean it doesn’t matter? I can’t go to prison!”

Jake turned the monitor off as the aircraft lifted into the air. He sat on the canvas bench and let his head rest against the hull. “I want to say ‘I can’t believe it’ but I totally believe he lied to us.”

“I’m not even surprised,” Mason said as he settled in across from Jake and Hailey.

“Do you think they’ll let us play the ‘saved the world’ card one more time?” Savant asked. “I’m still not sure I’ve gotten my mileage out of it.”

“At least Kat is happy,” Glitch said.

The group turned to look at Kat and Thorne cuddled together at the back of the aircraft.

Hailey took Jake’s hand in her own and squeezed. “Who would have thought closure would look like that?”

“Yeah,” Savant said as he opened his computer and waited for a signal. “Hooray for her.”

The craft banked hard right, then quickly to the left and the team members grabbed for anything to keep themselves upright.

Here we go

Here we go

The Bearberry Bears are going home

The nose pitched up and sent Glitch sliding toward the back of the plane. A second later everyone was sliding toward the front. Jake crashed into the cockpit door and pulled it open.

I can’t believe the fun we had

Brexbin sat at the controls singing. His feet dangled from the seat and he kicked his legs gleefully back and forth. He turned and smiled at Jake.

You came to play and we’re really glad

“Brexbin!”

The blue Bearberry Bear waved with a smile. “Hi everybody! I’m pretending to be a pilot.” Brexbin pulled back on the stick and sent the team sliding to the back once more.

Thorne was unfazed by the turbulent ride. His powerful hands gripped the bench and he climbed. It wasn’t a jungle vine or a tree, but he pulled himself to the cockpit with ease and seized the bear from the pilot’s seat.

The aircraft returned to level on its own as soon as the bear’s influence was removed. The team got to their feet and Kat pulled the lever to lower the ramp.

“Let me go, Thorne. I have to make people happy.”

He marched the struggling bear to the rear of the aircraft as the ramp opened. The wind howled in and Thorne shouted above it. “I’m about to make a bunch of people truly happy, you foul creature.”

“I don’t want to go alone.” Brexbin grabbed a handful of Thorne’s hair and dropped. Both machines tumbled out the back of the aircraft.

Kat screamed and rushed to the edge.

Brexbin had a hold of the ramp. Thorne had a hold of Brexbin. The bear smiled. “Let’s make a deal.”

“Cut us free, my Queen. This foul creature cannot be allowed to harm another person.”

“I won’t let you go!” Kat screamed. “Not now. Not after all this time.”

“It’s okay, my love. It’s clear now that I don’t belong in your world. I belong in Kandallaha.”

“I won’t let you go!”

“Then you’ll have to keep me, too!” Brexbin giggled. “It’ll be fun.”

Thorne reached up and grabbed Brexbin’s paw. He smiled at Kat. “I love you, dearest Katherine.”

“Don’t you do it, Thorne!”

Thorne smiled and one last twinkle passed through his eye before he pulled Brexbin’s grip free of the plane. The Bearberry Bear squealed as he plummeted into the ocean below. Thorne didn’t make a sound. At first.

“What is happening?” Thorne stared at the T-Rex claws gripping his arm.

“The lady says ‘you stay,’ you stay. You got that?” Glitch pulled the jungle king back into the aircraft and set him down on the bench.

Kat threw her arms around him as the loading door closed once more and the islands faded from view.

The End

* * * *

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From the pages of the best-selling Duck & Cover Adventures comes thirteen stories of those who survived the apocalypse. Some would go on to be heroes, others villains, some were dogs and will stay dogs, but they all must contend with the horrors of the new world and find a way to survive in the wasteland that was America.

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OTHER WORKS
by Benjamin Wallace

DUCK & COVER ADVENTURES

Post-Apocalyptic Nomadic Warriors (A Duck & Cover Adventure Book 1)

Knights of the Apocalypse (A Duck & Cover Adventure Book 2)

Pursuit of the Apocalypse (A Duck & Cover Adventure Book 3)
Tales of the Apocalypse Volume 1 (A Duck & Cover Collection)

Boom Box (Duck & Cover Adventures Books 1-3)

bulletproof adventures of damian stockwell

Horror in Honduras (The Bulletproof Adventures of Damian Stockwell)
Terrors of Tesla (The Bulletproof Adventures of Damian Stockwell)

The Mechanical Menace (The Bulletproof Adventures of Damian Stockwell)

DUMB WHITE HUSBAND

Dumb White Husband vs. The Grocery Store

The Big Book of Dumb White Husband

Dumb White Husbands vs. Zombies

other books

Tortugas Rising

Junkers

uncivil

UnCivil: The Immortal Engine
UnCivil: Vanderbilt’s Behemoth

short stories
Twenty-Something Miles

Alternate Realty
Dystopia Inc. #1: The War Room
Pilgrim (A Short Story)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Benjamin Wallace lives in Texas where he complains about the heat.

Find him online here:
BenjaminWallaceBooks.com
DumbWhiteHusband.com
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You can email him at: contact@benjaminwallacebooks.com

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Thanks for reading, visiting, following and sharing.
-ben

Copyright © 2017 by Benjamin Wallace. All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Cover design by J Caleb Designs.

Table of Contents

- Benjamin Wallace
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