Vessel
Author: Lisa Cresswell
Date: 2015-05-26 04:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Dystopia; Young Adult; Science Fiction
Description: On April 18, 2112 the sun exploded in a Class X solar storm the likes of which humankind had never seen. They had nineteen minutes. Nineteen minutes until the geomagnetic wave washed over the Earth, frying every electrical device created by humans, blacking out entire continents, every satellite in their sky. Nineteen minutes to say goodbye to the world they knew, forever, and to prepare for a new Earth, a new Sun. Generations after solar storms have destroyed nearly all human technology on Earth and humans have reverted to a middle ages like existence, all knowledge of the remaining technolog
Publisher: Month9Books, LLC

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The author makes no claims to, but instead acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the word marks mentioned in this work of fiction.

Copyright © 2015 Lisa T. Cresswell

VESSEL by Lisa T. Cresswell

All rights reserved. Published in the United States of America by Month9Books, LLC.

No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Published by Month9Books

Cover designed by Whit & Ware

Cover Copyright © 2015 Month9Books

I cannot live without books.

Thomas Jefferson

To the brightest stars in my galaxy,
my family and dearest friends—

I love you forever.

A Class-X solar storm, the likes of which humankind had never seen, erupted from the Sun on April 18, 2112.

They had nineteen minutes.

Nineteen minutes until the geomagnetic wave washed over the Earth, frying every man-made electrical device, blacking out entire continents and every satellite in their sky.

Nineteen minutes to say goodbye to the world they knew forever and prepare for a new Earth, a new way of life.

All digital data was lost, all the knowledge of the centuries past gone in an instant. Unable to feed themselves without technology, humans began to die of starvation and disease. At first thousands, then millions, and, finally, billions died. The survivors fought amongst themselves for the scraps until there were almost none left.

Year 2165

Master Dine’s kick sent me sprawling into the wall. Pain bloomed in my shoulder. That was nothing new, but my billa slipped dangerously close to falling off. I grasped at the awkward headgear, a giant tent designed to hide my ugliness.

No one must see, I thought.

“It’s too hot, you stupid chit,” Master Dine yelled.

At seventeen, I was officially a woman and had been for a while, but no one gave a slave girl that recognition.

“Now look what you’ve done,” he said. The clay teapot I’d been using to pour water over Master’s feet lay shattered on the floor. “Clean it up, chit.”

I silently seethed as I collected the pieces. I wasn’t a chit. I was Alana, a name I’d given myself and no one else used. I cursed him under my billa, something he’d never hear through the dark, black drapes shrouding me from everyone. I prayed Mother Sun would do terrible things to him, something that didn’t make me feel any better.

“When you’re done with that, go help Master Tow. He’s expecting you.”

“But your bath?”

“I’ll do it myself,” Master Dine spat at me, as if he didn’t trust me, as if I hadn’t been washing his feet every morning since I was old enough to hold soap.

Master Dine was one of the oldest men in our village at almost forty, too mean to die of flu fever like most old men. He’d caught it once or twice, but it only seemed to make him more determined to live.

“Yes, Master,” I whispered and ducked out of the room with the remains of the teapot. I threw them in the garbage pit behind the house as I left for Master Tow’s. I’d have to make a new one later. I wondered when I would find the time to gather the clay from the riverbank, which was a fair walk from here. Where was here? Master Dine’s village was called Roma.

Master Dine reminded me constantly I wasn’t from this place—my eyes too almond-shaped, my hair too black, and my skin too yellow to be from Roma. My looks didn’t stop him from slinking into my room in the darkness to have his way with me. I was his, bought from my own parents in a faraway place, he always said. Even in the dark, he made me cover my face. I closed my eyes anyway. Maybe if I couldn’t see Master Dine with his lazy eye and crooked teeth, he’d cease to exist. Please, Mother Sun, make it so.

***

I walked down the dirty footpath toward Roma’s center market square, past the mud and stone houses scraped together with whatever the inhabitants could find. It was early yet; fog still clung to the base of the mountains and dripped off the trees’ new leaves. Winter was breaking at last. Mother Sun had saved us again, but we always knew she could destroy us if she wanted to.

I didn’t mind wearing the billa so much when the weather was cool or misty like this morning. It trapped my own warm breath around me like a cocoon. It made doing chores outside awkward, though. Master Dine kept me primarily for house chores, although I was allowed to shop on market day, and he occasionally lent me to Master Tow. Tow had no wives and probably needed his house cleaned.

Master Tow was a young man in his twenties, still undecided on a wife. Suitable women were rare in Roma, so he was faced with the prospect of waiting until certain girls came of age or traveling to the next province for a wife. The expense of a wife was more than Tow really wanted, so he borrowed me from time to time. It was an arrangement he had with Dine, made possible by Dine’s first wife, Mistress Shel. Shel hated my position in her house as a sort of third wife, a standing I could never truly attain even if I wanted to. It was Shel who had disfigured the right side of my face years ago. It hadn’t stopped Dine’s visits to me, just made him more discrete.

Master Tow was chopping wood in the small yard next to his house. His clothes, littered with fine shavings of fir, made him smell better than usual. He was stripped to the waist, his pale chest glistening with sweat even in the morning cold. I stopped and waited. I could never address anyone without first being addressed myself. I learned that very young.

Master Tow continued his work, perhaps enjoying the fact that I was his audience. He often flirted with me, even though he had no reason to tease a slave. I think he was quite proud of his own blond hair that fell to his shoulders. Taunting all the unsuitable women in town seemed to please him tremendously. And so I stood perfectly still, watching the breeze blow the fabric in front of my face until he finally spoke.

“Hello, chit,” he said, taking a break from his chopping.

“Master Dine said you were expecting me.”

“So I am.” Tow breathed heavily, his ribs showing under his creamy skin with each exhale. He dropped his hatchet in the dirt at his feet and held up two fingers beckoning me to follow him behind his house. I hesitated. Wasn’t I doing housework? What did Tow have in store for me?

“C’mon, chit! Haven’t got until sundown,” he called, his tone good-natured as always.

I couldn’t shake the feeling he was playing a trick on me, but I followed him down the hill behind his house through a thicket of small aspen just beginning to bud. I soon saw it was a shortcut he used to reach the square rather than taking the main path that switch-backed down the mountain. Although it was easy for him, the trees snagged the fabric of my billa.

“Come on!” his voice urged. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I heard him muttering under his breath about my ridiculous garb. None of the other slaves wore what I wore. I stood out wherever I went—a black ghost in a crowd of humans. Everyone knew it was my punishment for tempting Dine. That’s what Shel told them and most believed it.

I did my best to keep up with Tow. Once out of the shrubs, it was easier to match his pace. He headed for the crumbling castle perched on a precipice over the wide green valley on the edge of Roma. Eons ago, before the Great Death that wiped out billions, some strange unknown race had built castles all across this region. Most were rubble now.

No one lived there, but the people of Roma sometimes stored things in some of the rooms or held meetings there. Windows long gone, the arches still stood in places, the stone thick with moss and lichens silently feasting on the remains of the beast. It was a forgotten place, somewhere I rarely went because I wasn’t invited to public affairs. As Tow and I got close, I heard the sound of someone singing a sad melody in a cool, clear voice. Even the birds in the trees were drawn to it, flitting away only when we came near.

As I followed Tow down a stone stairway littered with last winter’s dead leaves into the ruins and closer to the voice, my fears melted away and curiosity overcame me. Tow couldn’t walk fast enough now. Who was it? And why were they here? The singing suddenly stopped.

Deep inside the castle, where little sunshine could penetrate, Tow stopped at an old door with a small slit for a tiny window. A boy’s face, not much older than mine, with dark hair and eyes like mine, peered out of the opening.

“You can’t keep us in here,” the boy said, his voice angry.

“Don’t worry. It won’t be long before the authorities come for you. A week at the most,” said Tow. He turned to me. “These two were caught last night stealing. You need to feed them at least once a day, no more. Just enough to keep them alive for their trial.”

“Trial?” I asked.

“The Reticents have been summoned. They’ll send someone to pick them up.”

“But what do I feed them, Master Tow?”

Everyone’s winter stores were running low and few spring crops had been harvested yet. Master Dine wouldn’t allow me to use his food for such a purpose.

“Hog feed will do.”

“Hog feed?” shouted the prisoner. “We’re not animals!” I flinched and backed away from him.

“Never you mind that, chit. Do as you’re told. Put the food in here.” Master Tow pointed to a small slot near the floor with the toe of his boot. “Don’t open the door, no matter what.”

“Yes, Master Tow.”

“Any questions?”

“Have they been fed today?”

“No. Better get to work.”

Master Tow turned and bounded up the stairs. I stood motionless, watching the black-eyed boy watching me. I’d never seen anyone like me before. He looked hard at the billa like he could see underneath.

“Do you have any water?” he asked in an accent I didn’t recognize. “He’s very weak.”

The prisoner backed away from the door so I could creep up and peer inside. The oldest man I’d ever seen, maybe fifty years or more, lay on the floor. He groaned as the boy knelt down and touched his arm.

“I’m here,” he said to the old man. Before I knew it, I’d loosened the water bag I kept tied at my hip and pushed it through the hole in the wall toward them.

“Take this. I’ll be back,” I whispered before hurrying to find food.

***

Normally I fed the hogs caysha roots I dug up in the forest. A person could eat them and survive, but they weren’t kind to the stomach. They were a last resort, eaten only when all else was gone. I’d eaten them myself when the winters were hard and Master Dine saved all his food for his family. Slaves weren’t supposed to forage for their own food. It was a sign a family wasn’t wealthy enough to support them, but Dine looked the other way quite often. He allowed me to find other means of sustenance when times called for it, which was more often than not. The less of his food I ate, the more wealthy he fancied himself.

I walked as quickly as I could without attracting attention to a meadow below the castle where the caysha had started to bloom, blue lilies on tall stems. I dug a few roots to satisfy Master Tow, but I had no intention of feeding them to the prisoners. I dropped them in my basket and slung it over my shoulder, heading for the river. Checking my traps, I found a snared rabbit and smiled for the first time that day. Not that anyone knew or cared. I spent my days alone in a tent made for one, seldom speaking to anyone. But something in that boy’s eyes reached out to me behind the curtain. I wasn’t going to serve him hog feed. My decision risked a beating, but it wouldn’t mean my death. Though I didn’t fear death anyway.

***

An hour had passed by the time I returned to the ruined castle dungeon with food, water, and fuel. Midday was approaching yet the prisoners made no sound. I hoped to hear his song again the way I longed for the lark song after winter. Like a mouse cleaning up crumbs, I silently cleared away the leaves in a dark corner near the stairs and built a cooking fire. The smell of roasting meat brought the boy’s face to the hole in the door once more.

“You’re torturing me,” he complained, although his lips smiled.

“It won’t be much longer,” I said, crossing the room to the door between us. “I brought more water. Give me the water bag, and I’ll refill it.” He scrambled to retrieve the bag and return it.

“How is he?” I asked, looking at the impossibly old man.

“Better. Some real food will do him good.”

I handed the boy some jake nuts through the slot in the wall. “Chew these. They’ll help keep the food down.”

He shoved the handful into his mouth.

“Save one for him,” I said, pointing to the old man. The boy chewed hard but managed to spit out one nut for his friend. He knelt by the man again and shook his arm.

“Kinder? Wake up. It’s dinner time.” The old man sat up with the boy’s help, leaning against the stone wall. “Eat this,” he said, giving him the nut.

I refilled the water and retrieved the rabbit from the spit on the fire. It had started to burn, the grease glistening on the meat. Too big to fit through the slot, the rabbit had to be torn into pieces and slipped into the cell. The boy snatched it from my fingers and rushed to the old man, who suddenly came alive, devouring it. The boy returned and snagged a second piece for himself, ignoring me as he inhaled his food. I waited by the slot with the rest of the meat, holding it until they were ready for it. The sounds of eating, chewing, and licking made me hungry, but I didn’t eat any. The rabbit would’ve been my lunch, but I’d eat wild carrots instead.

I gave them the remains of the rabbit and returned to the corner to put out my fire. Master Tow mustn’t know I’d cooked, so I hid my hearth as best I could with damp leaves and rubble. The moss on the stone walls would hide any sign of smoke. I turned to go.

“Wait,” called the boy. “What’s your name?”

The words I’d never heard directed at me, the words I dreamt of every night, came from his lips. Was he speaking to me? Of course he was. There was no one else here.

“Is it Chit?”

“No. I’m Alana.” I’d never told anyone the name I chose for myself. It felt good to say it out loud.

“Thank you, Alana. I’m Recks, and this is Kinder. We’re grateful for your kindness. May Mother Sun shine on you.”

I stopped breathing for a second. No one had ever blessed me before. It just wasn’t done. I waited as if the sky might fall down. There was nothing but the sound of Kinder sucking the marrow from his rabbit bones.

“Is something wrong?” asked Recks.

“No,” I said. “I should go.” I suddenly remembered the bones. “Hide the bones when you’re done.”

“Kinder will eat them all.” Recks smiled at me and snickered at the thought.

“I’ll bring more tonight,” I told him.

“But Tow said once a day … ”

“What Tow doesn’t know won’t trouble him.” I hurried up the steps.

“Be careful,” warned Recks, as if he might actually be concerned for my safety. Hidden tears leaked from my eyes.

As I walked back to Master Dine’s house, I had an overwhelming urge to throw the billa off and feel the sun on my shoulders. Mother Sun could bless me too, even if she never had before. But if I did, I knew I would never see Recks again. Instead, I clasped my hands together under my billowy tent in happiness, knowing the feeling could escape me like mist in the sunlight.

***

I left the house again at sunset, making Shel smile. Dine would assume I went foraging, which I did, but not so much for myself this time. Recks and Kinder needed me. I was thankful for the billa, which allowed me to stow extra supplies—flint, a blanket, and some socks—without being noticed. The goods were mine, the cast-offs of others, and wouldn’t be missed.

I openly carried my caysha basket still filled with the roots I had collected that morning. Carefully wrapped underneath those were three sunflower seed cakes made with the last of our honey the summer before. Shel had thrown them in the refuse because they were too hard for her taste, dried out from a long winter in storage. Recks and Kinder were in dire need of fattening up. I worried Kinder might not last the week, even with a bit of honey. I stopped by one of my snares on my way through the forest, lucky to have caught a partridge. I plucked its soft feathers inside the billa as I walked to the ruins, my fingers working without me looking down. I couldn’t be gone long or someone would notice.

At first, the prisoners were so quiet I thought perhaps they had escaped. I used the flint to light a small torch so I wouldn’t fall down the steps.

“Alana? Is that you?” came Recks’s voice from the darkness.

“Yes.” Alana? He said my name. My heart raced in my chest faster than when I was sneaking around, faster than from my fear of Dine or Tow. I held the torch up to see inside the door.

“You shouldn’t have come, but I’m glad you did,” said Recks. “I have something for you.”

“For me?” Was he mad? He had nothing but an old man. I set about building a fire to roast the partridge.

“I may not look like much, but I’m a gifted performer.”

“A performer?”

“A teller of tales, singer of songs—”

“Stealer of goods!” yelled Kinder. He obviously felt better. He had at least found his voice again.

“What?” I asked, blowing gently on my fire to make it grow.

“Recks has sticky fingers, which is what got us into the fix we presently find ourselves,” said Kinder.

“I don’t hear you complaining when you’re enjoying the spoils, old man.”

“What did you take?” I asked, skewering the bird and laying it over the flames.

“Only a heel of bread,” Recks insisted. “We’re seldom paid for the service we provide.”

“Is Kinder a performer too?”

“In a manner of speaking. He is an academic, a man of studies.”

“What does he study?”

“I’m right here, you know,” Kinder grumbled from behind the door.

“Be more polite to the woman who saved your life, fool. Don’t you know how close you are to death’s embrace?”

“Better the devil you know than the one you don’t,” muttered Kinder.

“What?” I approached the door again.

“Never mind him,” said Recks. “He’s overly fond of proverbs.”

“I’ve brought some things that will help with the chill,” I said, pulling out the blanket and the woolen socks. I’d have to find replacements for myself for next winter. Recks gasped in pleasure at the sight of the gifts.

“What is it?” Kinder demanded, unable to see. I fed the blanket through the slot to Recks, who laughed as he pulled it through. As before, he rushed it over to Kinder, spreading it out over him.

“You’ll have to hide it when Tow comes,” I said, stuffing the socks through the same hole.

“Of course,” said Recks, pulling the socks onto his hands and admiring them. “What else have you got under there?”

I flinched under the billa as if Recks saw right through it. He could never see me. No one could.

“Nothing,” I said. “Is there something else you require?”

“A key to the lock would be dandy.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know where Master Tow keeps it.”

“Ah well, he’s not a stupid man, is he? He caught us. Not an easy thing to do.”

I retreated back to tend the fire and the little roasting bird, which smelled delicious.

“So my gift to you, Alana, is a tale,” said Recks. “It’s not much, but it’s all I have.”

I sat down, making myself as comfortable as I could considering the rubble that littered the room. I’d seen street performers from time to time, but I’d never been so close or had the time to really listen. For a minute, the only sound was the popping of the dry sticks in the fire. Then Recks cleared his throat.

“You’ll have to forgive me. This isn’t the best place for telling stories.”

“Never stopped you before,” grumbled Kinder.

“Shush,” Recks told him. “Your dinner’s coming. Do you have any favorites, Alana?”

The few stories I knew were ones told by Dine’s first wife to her children. They were short and generally brutal, told to teach some lesson when they misbehaved. They weren’t the kind of tales I wanted to hear.

“I don’t know any stories.”

“That’s impossible. Did your mother never tell you ‘The Fox and the Hen’? And everyone knows ‘The Ruby Quiver.’”

“No, no one’s ever told me any stories.”

“Why not?”

“Recks, you nitwit. Can’t you see the girl’s a slave?” barked Kinder.

“How can that be? She walks freely.”

“Ask her yourself. Not all are enslaved by chains. Who would wear that willingly?”

“Is it true, Alana?”

“Yes,” I said, turning the meat with my fingertips.

“But why are you here? Why don’t you run?”

“And go where? It’s all like here, isn’t it?”

“No. The world is a wide, wondrous place. It’s not all like Roma.”

“Thank Mother Sun for that!” exclaimed Kinder. “Is the meat done yet?”

“Done enough, I suppose,” I said, pulling the stick of roast partridge away from the flames. “It’s not much,” I said as I walked it over to the men in the cell and put it in the slot.

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush!” Kinder said, clearly delighted. They both devoured it eagerly, even as it burned their fingers and tongues. They groaned in pleasure and pain, but they didn’t stop eating until every bite was gone. When I dug the sunflower seed cakes out of the basket, they both smiled as if I’d presented them with the key to their freedom.

“We should get arrested in Roma more often,” said Kinder, crunching on the sticky cake. “I can’t remember when I’ve eaten so well.”

“Me neither,” said Recks, licking the honey from his fingers. “Just for that, I’m going to tell you the best story I know.”

“I can’t stay much longer. I’ll be missed.”

“Then I’ll be quick about it,” said Recks, wiping his hands on his shabby tunic and then holding them palms up toward the sky. “Mother Sun knows the hearts of all men. May they all please her.”

That I’d heard many times. It was the traditional prayer before beginning any work. One never knew what might displease Mother Sun, so it was customary to let her know your intentions were good in the hope that she would take pity on you.

“In the Time of Great Darkness, there lived a young boy. He had lost everyone and everything he’d ever known: his mother, his father, and his sister dead with many thousands of others. His village overflowed with the dead. No one was left to bury them all. Mother Sun willed it so, but she let this one boy live. He was special, wise beyond his years, and Mother Sun knew he could found a new race of men. She guided him to a sacred valley, high in the mountains, far from his home. On his journey, he met others like himself—thinkers, artists, healers, poets, and storytellers. They banded together and sought to create a world better than the one before the Time of Great Darkness. They built their city on the cliffs above a valley, where they live in comfort. To this day, they grow all they need. Everyone helps, none go hungry, and there are no slaves.”

“No slaves?” I asked, incredulous.

“Ask Kinder. He’s actually been there,” said Recks.

“You have?”

“Many moons ago. Then I got a crazy notion about wanting to study the peoples of the West. Now I wish I’d never left.”

“No fool like an old fool, huh, Kinder?” teased Recks.

The call of an owl outside reminded me I was in Roma, not a magical, shining city of freedom.

“I have to go,” I said, standing up. I doused the embers of the fire with my water bag, sending steam hissing into the air.

“Alana?” Recks whispered through the hole in the door. Two of his fingers poked out, reaching for me in the darkness.

“Yes?”

“Did you like the story?”

“Like” seemed too casual a word for how I felt. Overwhelmed was a better choice. It stretched my imagination, showed me how much I didn’t know about the world. I trembled, knowing I’d remember this story for the rest of my pitiful life. Now in the cover of darkness, I reached out of the billa and touched his two warm, rough fingers with one of my own.

“Yes.”

“Master?” I’d finished my morning chores. I knelt at Dine’s knee in the way any proper slave would, waiting for him to acknowledge me. I couldn’t afford his anger. He could confine me to the house on a whim, and my prisoners would go hungry. They were all I thought about now. I cared for Dine’s children from time to time, but never anyone who needed me like this.

Master Dine put on his jacket to go out. He turned toward me, impatient.

“What’s Tow having you do for him?”

“He told me to feed the prisoners once a day.” By now, news of the prisoners had spread through every home in Roma. The Reticents hardly ever came to this frigid corner of the world. Plans were underway for a reception. Everyone knew what had happened. Dine snorted.

“Doesn’t he know who your master is?”

“Shall I tell him you forbid it?” I hoped with every part of me he would say no, but he paused, considering it.

“He should feed them. He’s the one who caught them,” Dine grumbled. “Stand up, chit.”

As I stood before him, he grabbed the fabric over my face and pulled it up to reveal my horrible face. I fought the urge to rip it away from him and cover myself. I stared at the dirt caked on his boots. I don’t know why he liked to look upon my face sometimes. Maybe it reminded him why he hated me. I knew if my hand crept up to cover the scars, he’d slap it away, so I concentrated on being a stone until he was done. Mercifully, he dropped the drape almost as soon as he’d lifted it.

“You can do Tow’s chore. The Envoy will be here in just a few days.” Dine turned to go. I knelt again.

“Master?”

“What is it?” Dine ran a rough hand through his black hair.

“May I go to the riverbank for clay to replace the teapot I broke?”

“Go,” was all Dine said as he left.

***

It was true I needed to gather clay, but I had other motives for visiting the river. It would take a good hour to get there on foot and always required permission. It was the furthest from Roma I was allowed to travel on my own. The only reason Dine let me was because there was nothing else beyond it—no cities, no villages, and no people. If I went any further, I’d be alone in the wilderness where the old and sick went to die.

Sometimes I thought about escaping when I came here, but I pushed those thoughts from my head today. I was too busy planning a meal for my prisoners. I almost always found something to eat here. I also collected sumasara, the red bark of a special tree. Consumed in small amounts, it prevented pregnancy. Too much and one could die. Had I known of the plant when I was younger, I might have prevented Shel’s attack, the one that left me maimed. No one could bear Dine children but his wives. It was a mistake I almost didn’t survive. My child didn’t.

I carried my usual basket. I picked several branches of sumasara, breaking enough to last several months into hand-sized twigs and tying them with a bit of bark in a bundle. I tucked them in the basket and continued to the river where the clay waited to be dug out of the cut bank.

There was no way to dig clay in a billa without getting it filthy, but no one would see me here. I removed the frame from my head and set it on the grass before climbing down the bank. I quickly collected enough clay for the teapot and brought it back to the top of the bank. While I fashioned the pot, my head felt light, like it might float away with the clouds in the warm spring sky. It was easy work, and I finished quickly. I set the pot on a rock to dry and washed my arms clean in the cold, green river water before foraging.

There were cress, which could be eaten raw, and tubers that made a fluffy white starch when cooked. Even salt could be scraped off the rocks here for flavoring. Once my basket was full and the pot dry enough to travel, I replaced the billa on my head and started for home.

It would be midday before I got back to Roma. I hurried, hoping Recks and Kinder weren’t too hungry. I left the pot by the hearth at home to cure and grabbed my water bag.

***

I allowed myself a small smile as I approached the ruins. Something like happiness stirred in my chest. It made me less cautious than I should’ve been, and I ran down the stairs without thinking. Too late, I heard Tow’s voice talking, low and taut. I froze.

“Who’s there?” Tow demanded. He walked to the stairway and looked up at me. “Oh, it’s you.”

Try as I might, I couldn’t still my ragged breath. If it weren’t for the billa, Tow would have seen the look of surprise on my face. My heart, now in my throat, threatened to leap out of my open mouth.

“Come on then,” said Tow.

My grip on my basket tightened as I walked down the rest of the stairs. My basket was full of early spring delicacies. If Tow saw, he would know what I’d done. I carefully slipped the basket inside my billa to hide its contents. Searching frantically with my hands, I found the two caysha roots I’d collected earlier. I handed them to Recks through the slot. His fingers caressed mine in a wordless thank you as he took them from my hands. I hoped he wouldn’t actually eat them. Next I gave him the water bag in exchange for the empty one. Recks’s hands steadied my own shaking ones.

***

I left much quieter than I arrived, wishing I’d been more careful, and went straight home. I spent the afternoon pulling weeds in the garden, trying to convince myself it was ridiculous to become attached to my prisoners like this. They would be gone soon. What were they to me? Another chore in my day, another opportunity to displease Dine in one way or another. Still, I couldn’t stop thinking about Recks’s story about a place of freedom, a story I would’ve dismissed as fantasy except that Kinder had been there. Where was it? How did a person get there? And if I knew, could I really escape Dine?

These thoughts bounced round and round in my skull uninterrupted, since few ever spoke to me, until I thought I would go mad.

At dusk, Master Tow joined Master Dine’s family for dinner. I served them last winter’s potatoes and a haunch of venison Master Dine had caught and listened very close to their conversation for any news.

“When will the Envoy be here?” asked Shel, never shy. She was Dine’s most outspoken wife, though she paid dearly for it. She was as devoted to him as he was vicious to her, which made her dangerous.

“A day or two at the most,” said Tow. “The runner came today with the word.”

“Did he say how many priests were coming?” asked Dine, his mouth half full of meat. The Envoy would expect food and lodging for their trouble. Their journey was a week each way, so they would probably stay several days.

Normally, the Envoy came once a year for the summer celebration. Food was plentiful at that time of year. Whether there was food or not, the village leaders had to provide the meals for the priests, and this troubled them. Tow shook his head.

“Six maybe? Seven, if the runner returns with them.”

“Can’t feed them caysha root,” said Dine.

“And who knows how long they’ll stay? Could be a week.”

“Do they mean to hold the trial here?”

“I doubt it,” said Tow. “They’ve been looking for this old man for some time. He’s been spreading heresy. They’ll want to take him back to the Council of Eight, make an example of him.”

“Heresy? What did he do?” asked Shel.

“The man’s an inventor, a tinkerer … He makes machines,” said Tow. “That’s what the runner said anyway.”

The women at the table gasped. The Reticents have always taught us about the dangers of angering Mother Sun. She’d taken machines from men once, and she’d do it again if she caught anyone so much as trying to rebuild them. To do so put our whole world at risk. I couldn’t believe Kinder was guilty of such a thing. How could he do this and survive?

“What about the boy?” a woman asked.

“He’s probably nineteen, plenty old enough to be a man,” said Tow.

“Merely a thief, that one,” added Dine. “The Reticents may execute him here and be done with him. It’s the old one they want.”

From my corner where I waited to clear their dishes, I sucked in a tiny breath, but no one heard me inside my billa.

“We haven’t had an execution in ever so long.” Shel said it like it was cause for celebration. I hated her then, even though she wasn’t worth the effort.

“Wonder how they’ll do it,” muttered Dine. “Seems a shame to waste the food on him.”

“He’s got to be able to at least stand when they come. I’m not carrying him,” said Tow, chuckling.

Reticent Envoys hadn’t been to our corner of the world since last summer, mainly because there was little to do and few to minister to. Occasionally we would get travelers who told of executions in other places. From the tales, everyone knew the Reticents were not kind, not to petty thieves and certainly not to heretics.

I could hardly hold myself in my corner. I knew I had to do something, but what? Kinder was in no shape for an escape attempt. Perhaps Recks? But how could I manage it?

***

That night, I waited until I heard Dine snore. I’d slipped some hippa in his last cup of tea to be sure he’d sleep well. The billa helped me blend in with the night, but it also made it hard to see. I parted the small drape in front of my eyes and ran as quietly as I could behind the houses, avoiding the rock-lined street where my shoes might click.

I crept up to the ruins, this time listening for any voices, but all I heard were some branches scraping the crumbling stone walls in the wind. I moved like a shadow down into the dungeon, pausing, listening, moving, and pausing again. Once out of the wind, I lit a stick of greasewood to light my way. I heard Kinder’s rattled breathing rise and fall but nothing from Recks. I peered in to see the outline of Kinder under the blanket just outside the range of my torchlight.

“Recks?” I whispered.

The blanket moved and someone got up. Soon, Recks’s face hovered close to mine in the firelight.

“Alana, what is it?”

“I … I brought you better food. I was going to give it to you earlier, but Tow surprised me. I’m sorry.”

I shoved the greens through the slot and the tubers seasoned with the salt I’d baked at the house. The remains of the venison were last.

“You didn’t have to do this,” said Recks. “Coming here in the middle of the night. It’s not safe.”

“I’m invisible in my cloak.” My voice sounded resigned, defeated. Recks put the food down and looked through the door.

“Why do you wear it, Alana?”

No one had ever asked me that before. This week had brought so much newness. It was as if I’d been walking around asleep all these years and suddenly awakened to find myself in strange circumstances.

“My master requires it.”

“Tow?”

“No, my master is Dine.”

“Why would he make you wear such a ridiculous contraption?”

“So others cannot see my ugliness.”

“You aren’t ugly.”

“Oh, but I am Master Recks.”

“Don’t! Don’t call me that. I’m no one’s master. I’m certainly not yours. If I were, I’d order you to remove that thing at once.”

I smiled underneath my cover.

“How could anyone be so ugly that they couldn’t let Mother Sun look upon them?”

“It was my own fault.”

“What? How could that be?”

“I angered Master’s wives, so they punished me.”

“Punished you? How?”

“They poured hot fat over my face while I slept. I was burned.” I felt my voice break off, unable to say more. I touched the right side of my face with my fingertips, feeling the taut, ruined skin there.

“Kinder’s right, these people are wretched.”

“They mean to kill you, Recks. I heard them talking about the Reticents, what they plan to do.”

“For stealing food?”

“Food is all we have. It’s our wealth. It’s a man’s most prized possession, before wives, before all else.”

“And Kinder? What will they do to him?”

“They said he’s a heretic. That he made machines. Is it true?”

“He studies the things people left behind from the Time of Darkness, their machines. He even makes some of them work again, but he’s no heretic. He’s just a broken old man.”

“The Reticents won’t stand for machine-building, Recks. It’s forbidden.”

“But why?”

Such a silly question. Everyone knew they were not to build machines. Machines had made man soft, which angered Mother Sun. She shot fire at the world, killing all of man’s machines and plunging them into darkness. In those days, men couldn’t survive without their machines. Everyone knew the tale … didn’t they?

“Mother Sun … ” I began.

“Has never stopped Kinder from learning. He’s been studying and building things since before we were born, Alana. The stories people tell, these Reticents, they’re all lies.”

I was silent. My stick burned close to my fingers now, a glowing ember cutting through the night. I didn’t feel the cold around us.

“Did I shock you?” he asked.

“I want to believe you,” I said without thinking. “What can I do?”

“How long until the Reticents get here?”

“Only a few days at the most.”

“Come back tomorrow. I’ll talk to Kinder when he wakes, and we’ll make a plan.”

“To escape? Even if you could, where would you possibly go?”

“You mean, where will we go? You’re coming with us.” His smile in the glowing firelight was the most brilliant thing I’d ever seen, brighter than Mother Sun herself.

In the morning, I found some eggs behind the house where a chicken carelessly left them. No one would miss them. I promised the hen she wouldn’t be next on the dinner table if I could help it. I chewed my sumasara bark as I walked, hoping I’d had enough breakfast to keep it from making me sick. The bark could cause discomfort if one wasn’t careful.

In the makeshift prison, Recks and Kinder were already awake. They’d hidden the blanket so well I almost forgot they had one. Without a word, I stuffed the eggs and some bread crusts through the feeding slot.

“Kinder has a plan, Alana, if you’ll help us … ” Recks searched my billa for some sign I was listening.

I’d lain awake half the night after I left Recks, thinking about what he’d said to me—about the Reticents being liars and about escaping. My heart sang with the idea of freedom, but my head told me it was folly to try. I’d never heard of anyone escaping.

“You’ll help us, won’t you?”

It wasn’t in my nature to resist anyone. It’d been beaten out of me years ago. I wasn’t normally given choices in anything. I knew I should say ‘no’ but I said, “Yes.”

Recks broke into a smile of relief and took a deep breath.

“We need you to find the key to this lock. Can you?” asked Kinder, pointing to the door.

“I think so.” I’d seen several keys on Master Tow’s belt during supper the night before. It had to be one of them.

“Get it and bring it here.”

“Here?”

“To unlock the door, of course,” said Kinder, his voice growing angrier. “This is a stupid idea, Recks. The girl can’t do it—”

“No!” I surprised myself and everyone else. “I can get it. I clean his house sometimes. I’ll find it somehow.”

“That’s good,” said Recks.

“Then what?” I asked.

“Is there a horse in the village? I won’t be able to run,” said Kinder.

“A horse? No, no horses.”

“A donkey? Anything?” Kinder’s frown grew deeper.

“No, nothing like that.”

“Then there’s no point. They would hunt us down on foot in no time.”

I wracked my brain for the answer, a place to hide them. Nothing came to mind. Recks paced back and forth, thinking too. When had I even seen a horse?

“The Reticents … ” I said.

“What?”

“The Reticents. They have horses. Carriages even. They always travel that way.”

“I’d hoped to be gone before they arrived,” said Kinder, considering it.

“We’ll have to wait until they come. Alana can meet us after nightfall, and we’ll leave then,” said Recks.

“I suppose it’s our only choice, but it’s not a good one,” said Kinder.

I sat down on my usual rock outside their cell.

“Alana? Are you all right?”

I didn’t answer because I didn’t know the answer. I felt happiness that they would be free and sadness at the thought of them leaving.

“You’re coming with us, aren’t you?” asked Recks.

“Where will you go?”

“We were on our way to Lhasayushu when we were caught. We still have time to get there for the Entry.”

“Where’s that? How far? Could Dine find us there?”

“Oh, Alana, it’s far, far away, across mountains and the sea. No one would ever find you there.”

“What’s the sea?”

“What’s the sea?” asked Recks, incredulous.

“I told you, Recks, the people of this region are ignorant in every way,” said Kinder. He might’ve meant to hurt me with his words, but I was used to it. It didn’t faze me.

“Yes, what’s that? I want to know. I want to learn, to not be ignorant anymore.”

Recks laughed. “You see, Kinder? There’s hope for them yet.”

“Your first convert,” he replied dryly. Recks ignored him.

“A sea is like a river, Alana, like a river so big you can’t see the other side of it.”

“How do you cross such a thing?”

“In a ship. A … a carriage that floats on water and uses the power of the wind to move.”

“A machine?”

“No, just an enormous cloth that catches the wind.”

“Your stories sound like fantasy.”

“There are places in this world much richer than this one, places where they grow miles of cotton to make such things. We’ll see those places on our journey.”

A pain formed in the pit of my stomach. It was either the sumasara or the idea of leaving the only place I’d ever lived.

“I can’t go.”

“But … you just said you wanted to learn new things!”

“I do, but … ”

“You must come. This could be your best chance at freedom. Why won’t you take it?”

“But if we’re caught?”

“We lose our lives, yes, but they’re already lost, are they not?”

“You’re already dead, Alana. You just don’t know it yet,” said Kinder, not unkindly. “You’ll get old or hurt, unable to work, and you’ll be disposed of.”

I knew what he said was true. I’d almost been tossed out once before, when I was burned, but Dine wouldn’t allow it for some reason. It made his wives secretly furious, but they couldn’t cross him. It would be wrong to say I felt safe with Dine as my master, but I knew he would keep me as long as he could.

“You might as well try for something better. You’ve got nothing to lose. You could even go to the Entry. That’s where I’m going,” said Recks. “Kinder’s already a citizen of Lhasayushu, but I want to get in.”

“Can’t you just go there?”

“They only admit a few, some years none.”

“How do you get accepted?”

“That’s the Entry, a competition to find the most enlightened thinkers, the most talented artists, the best storytellers … ”

“They’d never accept me,” I said. “I’m none of those things.”

Recks gave up trying to convince me as I stood up. Terrible pity appeared on his face. I felt shame for disappointing him.

“I will see if I can find the key and let you know when the Reticents arrive,” I promised, as I turned to go. “That’s all I can do.”

***

I went straight to Master Tow’s house before I lost my nerve. I’d never been good at lying. I was thankful for the billa while I did it. I knocked softly on the door, my hand shaking.

Please be here …

Tow answered the door still chewing his breakfast. The sight of me brought a smile to his face.

“Hello, chit.” The insult didn’t sting as much the way he said it. He stepped back from the doorway and ushered me inside. His house was a bachelor’s—spare on furniture and clutter, heavy on dirt.

“Master Dine sent me to see if you needed your house cleaned. He thought you could stay with us and let the Envoy stay here.”

Tow closed the door behind me. A jingle of keys focused my attention on his belt. I let him stand closer to me than I normally would for a better look at them. He enjoyed looking down on me, from what I saw of his expression, trying to see me through the drape.

“Did he offer any of your other services?” Tow asked, reaching a tender hand through a gap in the side of my billa to touch the hair I carefully brushed every day even though no one saw it. I didn’t look at him, only his keys, and ignored his caresses down my breasts. I trembled, knowing what I might have to do to get those keys. He probably thought it was excitement from his touch and not that I intended to steal from him. His eyes betrayed nothing.

The largest iron key, black with age and rust, had to be the one I was looking for. It was tied separate from the others with a thin cotton string.

“I’m not sure. You would have to talk to Master Dine,” I said, leaning closer to him, hoping he didn’t change his mind. Dine had approved Tow to be with me before.

“He probably wouldn’t mind,” said Tow, pulling me to him with a meaty arm around my waist. It was what I’d hoped for. A gentle twist on the knot, a tug on the string, and the key was mine. His musky odor would’ve knocked me down had he not held me up while he struggled with the billa, desperate to touch me underneath it.

The whinny of a horse outside stopped him.

“The Envoy,” he whispered as he released me and ran outside.

I followed him to the doorway to see a carriage accompanied by several riders on horseback in bright scarlet robes, the colors screaming against the dark backdrop of the forest. Tiny metal bells on their saddles and bridles jingled, an eerie sound in our quiet valley. The carriage driver, the only man not in bright colors, was Weevil, a slaver I knew all too well.

Weevil wasn’t a tall man, but he was thick like the trunk of an elm with fists as hard as rocks. When he hit you, you knew it. He wasn’t a Reticent but most likely their hired guide. The sight of him terrified me more than any Reticent. His presence made Recks’s and Kinder’s escape even more unlikely. Weevil had been chasing and capturing slaves since before my birth. He showed little signs of age, except his long, coarse, gray hair and yellowing teeth, which he filed to points to look even more frightening. A blue snake tattoo slithered across his chest.

I hung back in Tow’s doorway, hoping I’d become invisible as the streets filled with people coming out of their homes. Panic threatened to overtake me as I realized it was midmorning. If the Reticents wanted to see the prisoners today, Tow would discover the key was missing from his belt. Without the cover of darkness, Recks and Kinder wouldn’t get far. Stealing a horse would be even less likely.

I pushed down my fear and stepped into the crowd forming around the travelers. I had to find out what the Reticents would do. I could leave the key in Tow’s house, make him think he’d dropped it, if I had to. I gripped the key in my sweaty hand. Helping my prisoners escape served no purpose now that Weevil was here. It might be more merciful to leave them locked in their cage.

I twisted my fingers together around the key and wished with all my heart for nightfall. The village men met the Envoy first while the women watched from the roadside. They held their horses’ reigns while the men in colorful robes dismounted. Being an elder and a village leader, Dine greeted them first. He and the oldest man spoke in low voices. I couldn’t hear them over the murmur of the crowd.

Master Dine called to Tow and after a brief conversation, Tow led the entire Envoy back to the house. I tried to back further into the crowd, but no one else wore a black tent like I did. It was impossible not to stand out. The Envoy members filed into Tow’s house followed by Dine, who spotted me.

“Chit! Come make some tea,” Dine ordered me.

Heart in my throat, I hurried into the house behind him. Inside, Tow pulled out chairs for his guests. I went to the fireplace with Tow’s empty teapot and started some water heating, lit a fire with some kindling and a flint stone. The four Reticent priests and Weevil ignored me as I worked in the next room, but their voices were easily loud enough to hear.

“Thank you for your hospitality, Master Tow. Mother Sun will surely shine on you,” said one of them.

“Master Dine, you’ve called on us and now we’re here. What’s happened?”

Dine replied in a submissive voice I’d never heard him use before. “Thank you for coming so quickly, Your Grace. I must apologize. We thought you would be arriving tomorrow. Not all the preparations for your visit have been made. I am truly sorry.”

“What preparations are those?” The voice was curious.

“I planned to slaughter a calf and prepare a feast in your honor, Your Grace.”

“A calf? That would be a most excellent feast indeed. Perhaps we could extend our visit Anders?”

I silently entered the room with the teapot and cups. The steeping tea lightly perfumed the room, but it couldn’t replace the smell of the unwashed men entirely. I poured the first cup and offered it to the most senior of the Reticents, a man nearly as old as Kinder, but much healthier. He smiled at me as if I were an amusing fool in my billa. He took the customary first sip, eldest first. I waited by the teapot for his approval, hoping he wouldn’t taste the hippa in the tea.

“Ah, lovely,” he said as he settled back into Tow’s best chair.

Approval given, I filled the other cups and served the remaining men.

“I hoped to be back to Gora early, but I suppose we could stay a spell. Could you prepare the calf tonight, Dine?”

“Certainly, Master Anders. You can stay here, and I will have my servant wait on you.” Dine gestured toward me, hovering in the back of the room should I be called on. Weevil spoke for the first time.

“Why is she in that contraption, Dine?”

“She’s monstrously hideous, but a loyal servant.”

“Is that the girl from Asia I sold you years ago? Weren’t nothing wrong with her then.”

He remembers me?

Dine leveled a look at Weevil that would frighten most people, but Weevil was used to being hated.

“As I recall, she was quite a pretty little chit, in fact,” Weevil continued. “Almost kept her for meself. Maybe I should’ve.”

Anders looked at the ceiling and sighed.

“Are we really discussing the welfare of an insignificant slave, Weevil?” he asked without interest in the answer.

“You forget yourself,” another Envoy next to Weevil scolded under his breath.

Weevil turned his bloodshot eyes away from Dine to look at Anders, who shook his head.

“Don’t displease me again, Weevil.”

The slaver, as frightening as he was, balked and swallowed hard.

“I’ll go see about the horses,” said Weevil, moving toward the door. As he let himself out, I moved to collect his cup. My hand shook when I realized he hadn’t even drank half of the hippa. I pulled my hands inside the billa to hide my fear. Dine followed me to Tow’s kitchen.

“Stay here and clean this place up. Then come home and help with the feast,” he ordered. “Hurry.”

“Yes, Master Dine.”

I heard him say goodbye to the Envoy and leave. Tow busied himself hauling in extra cots borrowed from the neighbors while I swept the leaves out of the house and listened hard for some idea of what they had planned. The three younger Envoy members sat around Anders chatting about this and that, never once mentioning prisoners. Finally, the hippa kicked in, and Tow and I were ushered out so the Envoy members could rest.

Tow and I walked the short distance back to Dine’s house, me at my usual three steps behind. He hadn’t missed the key yet, and I prayed he wouldn’t need to look for it until morning. It sat safe in my pocket for now. My mind clicked. Maybe I could make it to the prison after the feast was served and they no longer needed me. Maybe I could slip off unnoticed. My hopes were rising again until I caught sight of Weevil sitting on the side of the road, sharpening a blade as long as my arm.

“Ah, chit!” he called, happy to see me, as if I were a favorite pupil of his from long ago. I hadn’t eaten in hours and became suddenly aware of how sick I felt.

Weevil stepped between Tow and I, blocking my path. Tow, busy with his own thoughts, kept going.

“What have they done to you, my pretty one? Let me see.” Weevil clucked as if he really cared. He reached to pull my drape aside, but I took a step back, and his hand clutched only emptiness.

“My Master forbids it,” I apologized. Dine never actually said the words, but I knew I wasn’t allowed to go out without the billa covering me. No one but Dine could look upon me. Perhaps he was ashamed of what his wives had done?

I tried to control my feelings, but the fabric in front of my face trembled along with me. More than anything, I wanted to run, but slaves couldn’t walk away from owners and masters until they were dismissed. Why had Tow left me? Weevil had me all to himself, and there was little I could do to protect myself without breaking some rule.

“You were mine before you were his, don’t you remember, chit? Your own mother gave you to me for a pittance, glad to be rid of you no doubt,” he taunted me as he moved in closer and reached for the cloth between us again.

“Please don’t,” I begged. “Master will punish me.”

I wished we weren’t on the street where everyone could see. If we were in the woods, I might be able to run away, but here, everyone would know I’d disobeyed. Punishment for such a thing could be as severe as death.

Weevil caught me by the wrist and jerked me toward him with such force that I stumbled into him. He shoved the drape away from my face with a rough, calloused hand, looked at me for a split second, and froze. Not even Tow had ever dared to look upon my face. I was as shocked as Weevil was when the sun hit my eyes, but I moved quicker than he did. I slammed my forehead into his nose, his jagged teeth cutting into my face in the struggle. Blood spurted from his nose and across my head before he released me and stumbled back. Dabbing at his face, Weevil saw his own blood on his dirty fingers and lunged for me. He tackled me, knocking me to the ground. I clawed at the dirt, trying to get away, my billa threatening to fall. Weevil grabbed my leg and flipped me onto my back like a turtle. I screamed when I saw Master Dine standing over me with his club. I raised my arms to shield my face. Instead of attacking me, Dine swung hard at Weevil, hitting him in the ribs and sending him to the ground at my feet.

“I’ll thank you not to damage my property,” said Dine as Weevil writhed in pain. Dine took a step back and addressed me, his chest heaving. “Get up, chit! You’re supposed to be at home.”

I struggled to stand, my forehead aching from my attempt at self-defense. Did Dine see my act of disobedience? I scolded myself. If Dine knew what I did, he’d lock me up for punishment, and my prisoners would be the Envoy’s next sacrifice to Mother Sun. How could I be so careless? But Dine shoved me toward home, giving me permission to run. For once, I didn’t mind the push. As I turned the corner, I saw Weevil’s furious eyes still on me. He wanted my life now, and he was determined enough to take it from me.

***

The Envoy slept well while I spent the next few hours slaughtering, cleaning, and cooking their meal. I was stupid to waste my hippa in their tea. There would be no need to use more tonight. They’d be drunk on meat and honey wine. No one would go looking for prisoners tonight, no one but me.

Because Dine’s house wasn’t large enough, tables were set outside and an enormous bonfire built in the street. The moon, two days shy of full, shone on the festive Envoy in their loud colors. The nightly aurora, Mother’s Love, was especially vibrant, flickering hues of green across the night sky. Dine’s family wore their best as well. Several of the village women served food and drink, happy to have the privilege of waiting on such esteemed men. No one noticed when I disappeared after dinner.

I emptied the remains of several dinner plates into a rucksack and added several hunks of fresh bread and a flint stone. With the key still safely in my pocket, I set out for the ruins. Although it was dark, the aurora bathed the forest in light. It was easy to find my way, almost too easy. I thought once or twice I heard footfalls behind me, but I never saw anyone. I quickened my pace and ducked off the trail.

***

As usual, the ruins were like a tomb. The only sound from inside was Kinder’s ragged breathing.

“Recks!” I called. “You must wake up. It’s time to go.”

I saw him stir, shaking Kinder awake. He came to the window.

“What is it?” he asked, his fingers gripping mine through the tiny window.

“The Envoy arrived today. They’re here. And there’s something else you should know.”

“What?”

“They brought a slaver with them.”

“Do they mean to sell us?”

“I don’t think so. This man, no one escapes him. He’s called Weevil. You mustn’t let him catch you.”

“I’m not afraid. I’ve escaped such men before.”

“There’s no one like Weevil. Don’t risk it if you can help it. He doesn’t hesitate to kill.” I wished for once Recks could see my face so he’d know I meant what I said. Instead, I dug my fingernails into his hand to emphasize my point.

“Okay, I get it,” said Recks. “Did you find the key?”

“Yes,” I whispered, fumbling around in my pocket for the piece of iron. My hands shook as I tried to find the keyhole in the darkness, the key clinking on the door each time it missed.

“And the horses?”

“They brought five. I’ll show you where they’re being kept.”

Finally, the key found its mark, and the door swung open. Free at last, Recks stepped out and embraced me in a tender hug.

“Thank you,” he said, releasing me. It took a moment for my voice to come back; I was so surprised.

“I brought some supplies for your trip.” I handed him the bag of food. “Can you walk, Kinder?”

“Its walk or die,” he answered. “Lead the way, Alana.”

I smiled when he said my name. “Follow me,” I said, turning to climb the stairs.

Kinder leaned on Recks, who pulled his thin frame up the stairs.

“Is it far?” he asked.

“Yes. We have to go around the village. The horses are kept on the other side behind Master Tow’s.”

Kinder coughed hard even though he was leaning heavily on Recks. I stopped to let him catch his breath.

“You must be quiet. There’re many people out tonight,” I warned. “Perhaps we should wait until later?”

“Oh, just leave me,” complained Kinder bitterly. “Save yourself, Recks.”

“But you were going to take us to Lhasayushu. Don’t you want to go home?” Recks insisted.

“You don’t need me. Just head east.”

“Nonsense. You’re coming.”

“I put us all at risk. Leave me,” Kinder insisted.

“Perhaps if Kinder waited here, we could get the horse, and you could return for him,” I said.

“That’s a good idea. Once you’re on the horse, you’re safe, Kinder. We’ll get you out of here,” said Recks.

We left Kinder hidden under a crumbling stone bridge with all the supplies and the blanket. Recks followed me like a shadow through the moonlit pine forest around the outskirts of the village. As we crept closer to the sound of music and laughter, he slipped his warm hand around my cold one so unexpectedly I jumped.

“You’re coming with us, aren’t you, Alana?”

“Shh,” I warned, tired of trying to explain reality to him. I pulled Recks further back into the shadows. Out in the clearing, Anders stood at the head of one of the tables, about to speak. Everyone fell silent, anticipating his words. His voice carried all the way to where we crouched in the brush.

“Let us remember,” he said. Automatically, everyone covered their eyes with their hands in symbolic remembrance of The Day. Everyone except Anders.

“In 2112, on the eighteenth day of April, Mother Sun took the machines from mankind and plunged the world into darkness. Many perished. She did this to remind us of her power, her control, and her love. Mankind had forgotten Mother Sun, and she was displeased.”

“Who is that?” Recks whispered next to my ear.

“The man who intends to try you tomorrow.”

“Where is the one called Weevil?”

I searched the crowd, but I didn’t see his gray hair anywhere. I felt my jaw tighten. “He’s not here.”

We crept behind the nearest house, the sound of the crackling bonfire and Anders’s voice following us.

“When mankind swore off machines, Mother Sun blessed him once more,” he continued. I knew without looking that everyone had uncovered their eyes. That’s the way it was done, darkness and light.

“Mankind will never forget her lesson. We will never allow machines to replace our Mother in the Heavens. Those who try will be punished severely. She feeds and clothes us. Without her, we are nothing. Cross her, and mankind will be nothing.”

***

When we made it to the horses, Recks released my hand. Cold again, I pulled it into my billa, savoring the feel of his grip even after it was gone. He quickly surveyed the animals and chose the largest. I helped him find a rope for it since the bridles covered in bells wouldn’t do.

“We need another one,” said Recks.

“It will be easier if you and Kinder ride together. He needs you.”

“What about you?”

“I’m not going.”

“What?”

“Get on the horse,” I urged, offering him a knee to step up on.

“I can’t leave you in this place.”

The horses nickered at the sound of someone walking into Tow’s house. The light of a small flame shone through the window.

“Get on the horse, Recks,” I said more forcefully than I’d ever said anything. “This is my home. I’m accepted here. No one else would have me.”

Recks pulled himself up onto the horse’s back and threw a leg over the other side. He leaned down to me, beckoning me to take his arm and jump on behind him.

“Please?” he urged as the back door of Tow’s house opened. Someone peered out into the darkness.

“It’s Weevil! Go!” I said as I ran for the forest and the cover of darkness.

“Stop!” I heard Weevil shout as Recks kicked the horse into a gallop. I hoped he’d get back to Kinder in time. I ran from the sound of confused, angry men shouting. I had to get back to Dine’s before I was missed.

“Alana!” Recks called. Instead of fleeing, he’d circled the horse back around, searching for me in the dark woods. Part of me was furious he would be so foolish, but part of me wanted to run away with him. I stopped and let him find me.

“Recks, you mustn’t stay here. I cannot go. Just look at me.” I threw off the billa and let Mother’s Love bathe my face in the blue-green glow. His expression was hard to read. Was it horror or pity? Disgust? The light of torches behind us grew closer.

“Alana, you’re an angel. It’s just one more reason to fly.”

The noise of the men grew ever louder. There was nothing else I could do.

“Help!” I screamed as loud as I could.

“Alana, don’t,” he pleaded, his horse dancing around me.

“I’m sorry, forgive me,” I said, tears streaming down my face before yelling again. “Help!” I threw my billa over my head and ran for home, leaving Recks to flee from the search party. I saw him kick the horse hard and gallop away toward the bridge and Kinder. I felt afraid, happy, and sad all at once. My toe jammed under a root as I ran, and I fell hard. When I lifted my head and adjusted the billa, I found myself surrounded by men on horseback, their torches illuminating the forest.

“It’s Dine’s slave,” one man said. He wore the robes of an Envoy. “Which way did he go, chit?”

I pulled myself up to my knees and looked at the man addressing me. Weevil hovered next to him, glaring at me with red eyes and showing his pointed teeth as he panted. I choked back a real sob.

“He knocked me down,” I stammered, trying to waste time. “Who was that?”

Weevil jumped down from his horse and jerked me up by my arm. He ripped the billa off my head. My face drew gasps from the Envoy, but Weevil only sneered, unafraid.

“Answer the question, chit!” he screamed. “Where is he?”

I let the tears I’d been holding back go. My shame was more than I could bear. I almost wished Weevil would snap my neck like I’d seen him do to others, put me out of my misery. The longer I distracted the search party, the better Recks’s chances would be.

“I don’t know,” I blubbered between sobs. “I think he went that way.” I pointed down the trail toward Master Dine’s house, the way I’d been going. Weevil threw me back down and returned to his horse.

“What are you doing out here alone anyway?” asked an Envoy.

“Master Tow ordered me to feed the prisoners. I didn’t have time earlier.”

Weevil kicked his horse into a run and the others followed.

“Go home to your master at once,” the Envoy ordered me. “And for Mother’s sake, cover yourself.”

I watched them gallop off in the wrong direction, relieved to pull the billa over myself once more. Safe in my cocoon, I hurried home.

I dreamt of Recks often after that. The memory of his kindness was a fragile blue egg I carried with me everywhere, even in my sleep. It was mine. No one could take it from me.

He and Kinder weren’t found that night. A frantic search lasted several days, but no one even so much as caught sight of them. For me, it was like setting a wild bird free. Once loose, it never returns.

I’d been under suspicion at first. Weevil was certain I knew something, but Master Dine wouldn’t allow him to beat it out of me. The key was never found. Finally, the Envoy gave up and returned to Gora empty-handed. Roma’s shame was complete. The citizens had little hope the Envoy would return for summer celebrations, even though they promised they would.

Some blamed me, but many accused Tow, who was ultimately responsible for the prisoners. After all, I was only a stupid chit. How could I have done such a thing on my own?

Given all that, the mood was positively jovial when the Tale Tellers arrived two moons later. With the coming of summer, travelers became more common. Most carried items for sale: hard to find fruits, textiles, and other luxury items. The Tale Tellers brought nothing but humor and entertainment. They brought stories everyone knew and acted them out in the street for whoever wanted to watch. I’d been too busy to listen in the past, but this year felt different. Now I longed for stories, to know something of the world besides the trail from Roma to the river. Recks had convinced me there was more, and I hungered for it.

They set up camp on the far edge of the town square. Their little covered wagon, painted red and blue with splashes of yellow, served as backstage and sleeping quarters. Their huge gray horse was hobbled nearby. She happily munched the green meadow grass while her owners cooked a bit of meat over an open fire and laughed heartily. Two women accompanied a man with a bushy blond beard. I thought they might be his wives, but the younger of the two might have been his daughter. They arrived on market day with several other vendors who also camped at the meadow.

Dine sent me to the market with a sack of new potatoes to barter for some more chickens. I didn’t tell him it was hopeless. Everyone in Roma had potatoes to barter, and the vendors would soon have their fill. Maybe if I got there early, there’d still be some hope. I grabbed a small bag of salt from the cupboard and pulled a few sprigs of fresh herbs from our garden to sweeten the deal. No one ever turned down salt.

As I rounded the corner that morning, I saw everyone else had the same idea I did. The meadow was lively with women and children crowding around the stands. Music from a tiny tin whistle flute and a hand drum played underneath it all, weaving in and out of the laughter and talking. So few people in Roma could actually play music. The sound drew me to the little red and blue wagon like sweet cakes drew children.

When I saw the horse, I stopped breathing. So calm, the mare didn’t look like she had that night with her nostrils flaring in the moonlight, but I knew she was the horse Recks escaped on. Dapple-gray horses weren’t that unusual, but this one was too familiar. I coughed to pull another breath into my chest. My eyes flitted around, scanning for some sign of Recks. All I saw were the Tale Teller and his oldest wife playing their song. I waited there until they finished, not moving away with the crowd until the man noticed me.

“Yes?”

“Excuse me. Where did you come by that horse?” I asked.

The man puffed out his burly chest as if I had accused him of stealing. “Bought her fair and square, I did.”

“From whom?”

“Who’s asking? A slave? What’s it to you?”

“Nothing, Master,” I said, backing away. Maybe Recks gave her up for food? What if something happened to Kinder? Kinder needed the horse. A million horrible possibilities spilled into my mind. I retreated into the crowd to find a vendor with chickens, trying desperately to focus on the task at hand so I wouldn’t go crazy with worry. The performers continued with another song louder than the last. With the salt and herbs, I was able to trade for one small hen, which I tucked under one arm to keep still while I carried the unused sack of potatoes in my other.

As I turned to go, I noticed the performers were telling a story. People drifted toward them and I followed. There were three performers now, the youngest wife playing the drum to add effect to the story. As near as I could tell, it was “The Tale of the Three Red Hats.” The farmer and his mate argued over what to do with the last of their bread. Knowing what would happen, the audience shouted advice to the farmer, but the bearded man wasn’t the one who held my attention.

The younger girl, the one playing the drum and keeping the time of the story, seemed familiar to me. Her long red hair was in her face much of the time, but her smile reminded me of someone safe, like a friend, which was odd because I’d never had a friend. Especially not one as flamboyant as this girl. I wanted to meet her, forgetting that I wasn’t allowed. Besides, she’d think me strange like everyone else did. Even the children called me the Black Ghost of Roma.

Instead, I headed home with my hen who behaved like she’d been raised as a pet. I decided to name her Puka, which means “girl with a sweet disposition.” I hoped the other hens wouldn’t peck her too badly as I left her in the coop.

“Lay many eggs, Puka,” I told her as I went to take the laundry down to the spring for washing. I carried it in a large wicker basket slung over my back. With most of the town’s women at the market, I expected to have the spring to myself. I got out my soap and got busy with Dine’s tunics, soaking and scrubbing them on a large, flat rock near the water’s edge. As I worked, another woman joined me. I didn’t look up, accustomed to being ignored. Normally, no one bothered speaking to me, so I jumped a bit when the woman said, “Do you always treat your friends this way?”

The voice was soft, but not female. The strange sound of it was somehow familiar.

“No, Mistress.”

Looking at the woman, I realized it was the street performer’s youngest wife, the one with the disheveled auburn hair, but what I saw most clearly was her eyes. They were almond-shaped like mine, like Recks’s.

“Recks?” I whispered, finding it hard to believe it could be him.

“You aren’t going to call for help are you? Run me off again?”

Recks knelt by me and dunked his own laundry in the cool water. From a distance, no one would think a thing of us.

“I’m sorry. I did what I thought was necessary. Where’s Kinder?” I scrubbed Dine’s tunic so hard I risked putting a hole in it.

“He was gone when I got back to the bridge that night. I think he decided to go on his own, or he was captured.”

“No one here found him.”

“By the time I realized he was gone, it was too late to come back for you. Weevil was too close.”

“You shouldn’t have come back here at all. If they catch you, there will be no escaping this time.”

“They won’t catch me if you come quietly,” said Recks with a smile.

“Why are you so determined?”

“Believe me, I’ve asked myself the same thing many times.”

“And?”

“It’s simple: your kindness. It’s so rare. I must repay you somehow.”

“It’s really not necessary.”

Recks put his hand over mine, both dripping wet. “Alana, look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to be free. If you can do that, I’ll leave this place without you.”

“But my face … ”

“I’m not afraid of your face. I’ve seen much worse in my travels.”

I released the tunic in my hands and pushed back the drape until I could see Recks’s face with my one good eye. In the sunlight, although his features were like mine, his eyes were clear green like the water in the spring. I tried to say the words I thought I should.

“I don’t want … ” The sound died in my throat. I looked down at the dirt on my hands.

Recks nodded. “I thought so.”

“I don’t want to stay here, but how can I leave?”

“We’ll make a plan, a better one this time.”

“What about the Tale Tellers?”

“They’re friends, but they don’t know about you. They only know I’m a wanted man. They helped me with the disguise. You like it?” Recks pet his wild red hair like a girl. Sitting this close to him, I saw the gray shadow of stubble on his chin.

“You may want to shave, Mistress,” I teased.

Recks examined his own reflection in the pool, running a hand over his chin. “You’re not kidding,” he said.

I wrung out the last of my washing and put it in my basket. “You can’t stay here, Recks. Someone will recognize you sooner or later.”

“We’ll leave tomorrow night. Can you meet me here? After dark?”

“It’ll have to be late.”

“No matter. Just so long as you come.”

My brain was crazy with thoughts, but I did my best to stay practical. “Should I bring supplies?”

“Some food would be good, but we need to travel light. We’ll be on foot.”

“Okay,” I said, standing. I slung the basket of heavy wet clothing over my shoulder. Recks grabbed my hand as I turned to go.

“Alana?”

“Yes?”

“Promise me you’ll come?”

My heart was already soaring with the blackbirds in the warm summer sky.

“I promise.”

I pet Puka as I fed her some wild grass seed I’d collected for the chickens, her gray and black feathers soft under my hands.

“I’ll miss you when I’m gone,” I told her. “If you ever see Dine coming with a hatchet, run into the woods and hide.”

I was the wild bird now. It was my turn to be freed. A sure sign the day would be hot, the bugs were already singing in the trees, but nothing would upset me today. I’d spent all night thinking of what to bring and what to leave. I’d gather none of it until late, when everyone slept. I couldn’t risk someone noticing the food missing before I left. Instead, I thought and rethought every move in my head, where the bread was, the boots I needed, and the water bag.

Shel’s feet were roughly the same size as mine, so I figured I might as well take her boots. If I were caught, stolen boots wouldn’t make my punishment any worse. And I would need them much more than her. After what she’d done to me, I felt no remorse.

I hadn’t planned on another trip to the market, but Dine had ideas of his own.

“Take those potatoes back and see if you can get some cloth for them,” he said, holding up his threadbare shirt. I wished I hadn’t scrubbed it so hard the day before, knowing potatoes would never buy any cloth. At least it’d make a good excuse to see Recks dressed as a girl one more time.

I walked to the market with a swing in my step. The weight of the potato sack across my back was no more than a feather to me. I would’ve had trouble hiding my smile if it’d not been for the billa. Dine wasn’t far behind me, and I reminded myself to walk, not skip like I felt doing. He’d know something was amiss. I never skipped, never danced or sang, but I felt like doing all those things. One day I would. I felt it. Even the thought of Dine behind me couldn’t bring me down. Soon his scraggly beard and chipped gray teeth would be just a bad dream.

I went straight to the weaver’s booth not worrying about whether they would take the potatoes or not. A merry tune filled the air. Most people crowded around the performers again. My happiness melted away when I saw Dine walking to the Tale Teller’s show out of the corner of my eye. There, he joined Shel, who brayed a laugh. She didn’t worry me. She’d never seen Recks. Most people hadn’t. I held my breath and hoped Dine hadn’t either. Only Tow might be able to tell.

Ever since the prisoners’ escape, Tow kept to himself, rarely socializing with anyone. His standing in Roma had fallen. Even Dine sent me to Tow’s less often. There was talk of him moving on. Maybe he already had.

I ignored the cloth vendor. Instead, I watched the Tale Tellers. This time, Recks also acted out a part of his own, carrying a goat-hoof rattle, which he shook at various points in the story. I smiled at his dress, but no one else noticed his heavy eyebrows or his cracking voice.

When the tale was finished and the crowd wandered away, Dine stayed by the colorful wagon, talking to the blond man. My heart jumped into my throat when I saw Dine gesture to the gray horse tied to the front of the wagon. How could I warn Recks? Dine recognized the horse just as I had.

There was little I could do. Recks stood too close to Dine. If I approached him now, I risked exposing him. I strained to hear them, but I was too far away. Maybe if I edged closer, pretending to need to speak to Dine, I could at least hear what was going on. I inched across the market toward them. Dine and the blond man raised their voices. I knew the pinched quality in Dine’s voice meant he was growing angry.

“I only asked you where you got it,” Dine said.

“Just a man on the road,” said the blond man even louder.

“This is a Reticent’s horse. It’s stolen!”

“Rubbish! I’ve never met a Reticent in my life.”

“That’s what I’m saying, fool! You bought it from a thief, you idiot!”

The Tale Teller’s wife stood next to him, growing more and more flustered. “No, we didn’t,” she sputtered. “We bought it from him.” She pointed a finger at Recks. Everyone froze: Dine because he was confused and the woman because she realized what she’d done. She giggled nervously.

“I mean, her.”

Without a word, Dine reached up and yanked Recks’s flaming red hair off his head. Dine swung hard at Recks’s jaw, but Recks ducked. Dine smashed his fist into the side of the wagon. With a quick tug on the knot in the horse’s rope, Recks untied the animal and leapt onto its back, kicking it hard. The horse reared and neighed. People scattered. Dine grabbed for Recks, but the horse moved away, threatening to stomp Dine with its giant hooves. Recks wheeled the horse around in circles, looking for an escape route. His eyes landed on me, and he steered the horse in my direction as if to run me over.

Confused, I dropped the potatoes and stumbled back. Recks caught me with an arm under mine and pulled me up on the side of the horse. My billa fell off, and I screamed more in surprise than fear. Recks never let go. He pulled hard on me until I was upright on the horse. The animal galloped like a demon fleeing the light. Behind us, Dine screamed in rage, but soon it was no more than the caw of a crow.

The sunlight blinded me, but I felt the wind in my long hair, the horse moving beneath me, and Recks’s arm tight around my waist. I was the bird flying away. I thought I might explode from happiness.

We rode all day, past forests and meadows and towns I’d never seen before, until the horse could go no further. With my billa gone, I let my hair fall over my face in a dark wave, hoping it’d at least cover the damaged part. I was glad Recks sat behind me and couldn’t see my face well, even though I knew he wouldn’t have minded.

Nightfall was a relief. Recks guided the horse to a lake surrounded by trees, where she could drink and we could rest. Not used to riding, my body hurt in places I’d never felt before but my stomach ached even more. I wished I hadn’t dropped the potatoes. In this place, I didn’t know where to begin looking for food. I sat on the ground, rubbing my sore muscles, and let my hair fall across my face. I found myself wishing for the warmth of my mat back in Roma. Recks collected kindling and made a fire without speaking. He looked at me once or twice, his eyes curious.

“You should have left me,” I said.

“What kind of talk is that?”

“Stealing another man’s property? They’ll be hunting you for sure. If I’d just disappeared one night, they’d think I’d run away.”

“You’re not property. You’re a human being, Alana. Besides, they’ll never find us where we’re going.”

Recks put something in my hand—a bit of dried meat I devoured ravenously.

“Where did you get this?” I asked.

“I kept some supplies on the horse just in case.”

“I had everything planned, all the things I’d bring. Now I have nothing,” I lamented.

“We will make do,” he said, chewing his jerky with slow, deliberate movements, as if thinking. The world darkened around us, and the fireflies floated amongst the grass like tiny, flickering lanterns. I watched them, able to see them clearly without the billa in the way. I lay down and looked up at the silhouettes of the trees against the blue-black sky.

“Where are we going, Recks?”

Recks lay down across the fire from me. “I still want to go to Lhasayushu.”

“But I thought you needed Kinder to show you the way?”

“It would’ve been better, but he told me how to get there while we were locked up together. I think we can still find it.”

“What if it was just a story? He did leave you. What kind of friend would leave without saying goodbye?”

“I’m sure he had his reasons.”

“What if he lied?”

“I don’t think it was a lie.”

“All men lie.”

Recks didn’t answer that. We lay there, listening to the wood sizzle and pop in the fire as it sent sparks into the sky. My eyelids drooped as the smoke drifted over me.

“What’s your story, Alana?” he said, waking me from the first moments of sleep.

“Hmm?”

“How did you get to Roma?”

“I’ve been Master Dine’s since I was two. I remember a long journey but only bits and pieces. Dine told me my mother sold me to Weevil for no more than a loaf of bread.”

“Why do you never look at me?”

“I’m not allowed. And … I’m ugly.”

Recks got up and moved closer to me so he could see my face. He stared hard at me.

“You aren’t ugly, but you’ve been damaged,” he said, brushing my hair away from my burns. “In fact, you’re beautiful.”

I flinched at his touch. Did he intend to have his way with me like Dine and Tow? I refused to meet his gaze.

“Your eyes are like mine. You must be from the East.”

“I don’t know. I’ve never met anyone like me.” I closed my eyes and hoped he would get it over with quickly. I already hurt from the day’s ride. There wasn’t much more he could do to me.

Instead, he moved his hand away. “Are you in pain?” he asked.

“Some,” I said, my eyes still closed.

“I know a tea for that. I’ll make you some.”

“It will be all right if I can sleep.” My body relaxed when I felt him move away from me. All I wanted was to sleep and to know I was safe. If I lay very still, the pain became a thing separate from me. I could float away from it, drift into unconsciousness, into my own river. I fell asleep long before his tea brewed, but it was waiting for me when I woke up.

The tea was bitter on my tongue, like medicine. I thought of the hippa but this was different. Its warmth soothed my throat and woke me up enough to realize Recks wasn’t within sight. The horse chewed on some grass by the lake, so I knew he couldn’t be far. I munched a small cake of seeds he’d left by the tea and waited for him to return.

After awhile, I went down to the lake to wash my face and hands. The morning was so still the water reflected my image like glass. Recks said I was beautiful. The left side of my face was unblemished, the skin smooth, the eye perfectly shaped. The right was burned almost beyond recognition; the tight skin around my eye could barely open. My once full lips were even thicker there. I wasn’t sure which side was truly me. I only knew I was unique. There was no one like me. I wasn’t as frightening as I’d been told, though. Weevil was much scarier than I. My hair was still thick and straight like a horse’s mane. At least I had that, some piece of what I’d been before.

Recks finally returned with a hodgepodge of wild food for breakfast—three brown duck eggs, mushrooms, and a few fern shoots.

“Thank you for the tea,” I said, eyes down.

Recks sighed as he set the food down by the fire, which smoldered with charred wood now. “You’ve got to stop that. You’ll attract attention.”

“Stop what?” I asked as I moved to stoke the fire.

“Stop staring at the ground when you speak to people. Look at me.” I did as I was told and waited.

“Now smile,” said Recks. The corners of his mouth turned up as he said it.

I struggled with how to do the same thing, my lips moving in uncomfortable ways. The pained expression on Recks’s face told me it wasn’t going well.

“Okay, never mind about smiling. Just look up from now on.”

“Yes, Master Recks.”

“And for Mother’s sake! Don’t call me Master. People will know you’re a slave in an instant.” Recks shook his head and gingerly placed the eggs in the hot ashes of the fire to cook. “Maybe we need to disguise you.”

“I lost my billa when you stole me,” I said, watching him as I’d been instructed to. He was slender, with long legs bent as he crouched by the fire. A tiny bit of hair sprouted from his chin, but otherwise he appeared clean-shaven.

“Good riddance to that thing! That was no disguise.”

“No one in Roma knows what I look like without it, except Dine. He’d look at me sometimes.”

“Then we’d better disguise you.”

“How?”

“We’ll be getting to Tingrad soon. There are a lot of people there, Reticents too. If they sent word from Roma, they’ll be looking for a woman with long, black hair. They wouldn’t suspect two boys traveling together. What if we cut your hair? You could probably pass for a boy.”

“Cut my hair?” I felt myself recoil from him the way I had when I thought he’d force himself on me. The horror must have been plain on my face because his expression softened.

“It would be safer for you. Not all men are like me. It’d just be until we get beyond the Black Sea. It’ll grow back.”

“Yes, I suppose it will.” I ran a hand over my long locks, pulling it across my lips, a gesture that’d become habit long ago. I couldn’t help looking away from Recks, even though he’d told me not to.

“Are you crying?” he asked.

“No,” I insisted, even though I felt the hard spot in my throat and the wetness in the corners of my eyes.

Recks crawled over to me on his knees and sat next to me. “Does it mean that much to you?” he asked softly.

I nodded. I knew if I spoke I wouldn’t be able to stop my tears.

“Maybe there’s another way. We could find you a hat.”

“Really?”

“Sure. Tingrad was a huge city in the Darkness. There’s no doubt we could find something there to hide your hair.” Recks smiled and gave me a reassuring pat on the arm. “I think we’d better lose the horse too. If Dine recognized it, others might.”

I wasn’t especially sorry to hear that, still sore from riding the day before.

“Do you think he’ll come after you?” asked Recks.

“I don’t know,” I said, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

“My guess is he will. A man doesn’t part with a pearl like you easily.”

“If he does, it’ll be because his wives can’t get all the chores done by themselves. I’m sure Shel is happier with me gone.”

“You really don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“Dine hid you not because you’re ugly but because you’re beautiful.”

A snort escaped my nose at such nonsense.

“There it is!” said Recks.

“What?”

“A smile. I knew you could do it.”

I shook my head at his silliness and ate the food he offered me.

“I never really asked you … do you want to go to Lhasayushu with me?”

“That place sounds too good to be true, like a dream world. But I’d like to go to the East to be among my own people. There’s nothing for me here.”

***

We finished breakfast, packed up what little we had, and headed for Tingrad. As we got closer to the city, the path became wider, more of a road, made of black gravel with weeds pushing through here and there. Tall poles dripping with wires lined the road, as well as hunks of rusted metal in various colors. Recks said Kinder told him the little metal boxes with small windows were called “cars.” According to Kinder, the machines were used for transportation before the Dark Times, but I didn’t see where they hitched a horse to them. They sat like boulders scattered along a riverbank, forever motionless now.

By midday, we came across a farm. Rather than trying to sell the mare and raise suspicion, we left her grazing in the field. She was more than happy to eat fresh grass and be rid of us. We continued on foot the rest of the way toward town. I’d never seen so many buildings or such tall ones. The castle was the largest building in Roma, but these structures dwarfed it easily. Recks suggested we climb into one to rest for the night.

The towers seemed uninhabited. We hadn’t seen anyone all day. I followed Recks up several flights of stairs littered with rotting papers and other belongings abandoned long ago. Finding an open door at the top of the stairs, Recks ducked inside but reappeared instantly.

“This room’s no good. It’s been looted.”

We continued down the hall, already dim in the late afternoon. The only light filtered in from a dirty window at the far end of the hallway. Recks checked another room and found it acceptable. The west-facing windows flooded the room with afternoon sun. I sank down on a dusty couch while Recks went through all the cupboards in the tiny kitchen.

“Empty … empty,” he muttered, letting each cupboard door fall shut. “Wait a minute.”

Recks reached deep into the last cupboard and pulled out a small glass bottle of something black. He unscrewed the cap and sniffed the contents, making a face.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Don’t know.” He handed me the bottle. The red and black label bore white markings that meant nothing to me. Decoration, perhaps? The smell of the contents was harsh and somewhat dust-like.

“A spice. I smelled something like it once at the market.”

“There’s no food here. I hoped we might get lucky,” said Recks. “Let’s see if we can at least find you some clothes.” He walked down another narrow hallway into another room out of sight.

“Will someone be coming home?” I worried. I followed him, not wanting to be alone.

“No one’s lived here for ages,” said Recks, opening a closet door and rifling through the garments he found. He pulled out a heavy shirt and a pair of blue pants that looked about my size and offered them to me.

“Might be hot during the day, but they’ll keep you warm at night. Try them on. I’ll wait out here.” Recks pulled the door shut behind him, and I saw someone on the back of the door who made me scream. Recks jerked the door open again.

“What is it?”

“On the door … ” I pointed.

He closed it and examined the reflection of us on the door.

“Is it glass?” I asked.

“No, a mirror. You’ve never seen one?”

“No,” I whispered. My fingertips glided over my image, half normal, half abnormal. I’d never seen it so clearly.

Recks found a hat somewhere. He twisted my hair up and shoved the hat over it.

“See? It might work,” he said. I tucked the loose ends of my hair under the hat, still mesmerized by my reflection.

“Maybe,” I said, wanting to please him.

“It’ll be safer for you.”

As night fell, lights flickered on here and there across the city. Recks said it was how you could tell where the people were. From our perch high above the ground, we saw a growing fire by the river near a bridge. And out on the east horizon, there was an even larger glow, like ten thousand fires. I couldn’t imagine how it could be so bright this far away.

“What’s that?” I asked Recks. “Another city?”

“I don’t know. That by the river is probably a Cleansing. They have them a lot.”

“A Cleansing?”

“A burning. The Reticents burn things to make an example, to scare people mostly.”

“And sometimes execute people.” I remembered how close Recks had come to being in one.

“I should go check it out. See if I can find some food.”

“Down there?”

“You can stay here. I won’t be long.” Recks put on a jacket with a hood, which he pulled over his hair.

“But what if something happens to you? If you don’t come back, how will I find you?” I clutched the soft sleeves of his jacket and looked into his green eyes, forgetting how I must look to him. His hands on my arms were gentle like a summer breeze.

“Do you want to come?”

“Yes.”

“Then put on these clothes and hide your hair,” he said, leaving the room. I did as I was told, pausing only to see how thin my undressed body was in the reflective surface on the back of the door, the outline of my bones clearly visible beneath the skin of my chest. I struggled into the musty clothing, baggy on me but not a bad fit. I hoped I could wash them somewhere in the near future. I even found a pair of rubber-soled shoes that felt good on my sore feet. My sandals from Roma gave little cushion for all the walking we’d done. Twisting my hair up, I tucked it back into the hood of my pullover and joined Recks in the outer room.

Recks didn’t look up. He was hunched over, studying the thing in his hands intently.

“What have you got?” I asked, kneeling on the floor next to him.

“Kinder called them books. Look.” Recks handed me the small, rectangular thing “I’ve never seen so many in one place before.”

The rectangle fell open in my hands to reveal something like cloth but rougher. My fingers made a soft scraping sound along the edges. On this rough cloth were dozens of little black markings, very small and close together.

“What’s it do?”

“Do? Nothing. Kinder said people put down their knowledge in them so others could learn what they knew.”

“Is that what this is? Knowledge?”

“Yes.”

“There’s so much. But what does it mean?”

“Don’t know. No one does anymore. I think Kinder tried to figure it out. I like the ones with pictures.” Recks smiled as he handed me another book open to a view of a turquoise-blue body of water. “That’s the ocean I told you about.”

“It’s lovely.”

“And we’re going to see it, you and me.”

I felt a smile, a real smile, spread across my lips.

“You make a good boy,” said Recks, watching me. “Just don’t let anyone see your eyes up close. And don’t talk. That’ll give you away for sure.”

“What’s wrong with my eyes?”

“Too pretty for a boy.”

His words sent a rush of heat through me. He thought my eyes were pretty.

“Take this,” he said, handing me a slingshot from his pocket.

“What for?”

“For protection if we get separated. It’s sort of a weapon.”

“A lot of good it’ll do me,” I said, shoving it in the front pocket of my pullover.

“Do you know how to use it?”

“Of course.”

I’d caught plenty of small game with a similar slingshot of Dine’s. Never thought I’d be using one on a human.

Recks and I walked along the street hand in hand, our feet crunching on the gravel in the dark, the acrid smell of smoke bending around us the closer we got to the bonfire. Shouts ripped through the night, mixing with the roar of the fire. Soon, Recks dropped my hand. Even in the dark, someone might see and suspect us. With the same eyes, I passed for his little brother if I kept quiet. I followed him as close as I could, trying to walk the way he did—comfortable, as if he wasn’t a wanted criminal. It didn’t seem to bother him that the crowd gathered by the fire was close to screaming. Nervous, I stooped to collect a few good pebbles should I need to use my slingshot after all.

Like Recks predicted, they threw things into the flames and shouted: “For Mother Sun!” It wasn’t wood. They threw metal things, machines, I assumed, and small waxy squares of plastic and glass. And then I saw the books. There was a pile of them almost as tall as me next to the fire. I longed to open them, feel their pages, and hunt for pictures of the ocean.

Suddenly, the shouting died and a priest, a Reticent, appeared. I froze when I realized it was Anders, still in scarlet robes that reflected the light of the flames.

“Mother Sun thanks you for your offerings. She knows every heart, every fear, and she knows those who would betray her,” said Anders, raising a book into the air above his head. “The men that made these things, these profane, vile, disgusting things, did not honor Mother Sun. They made more and more until the whole world was littered with their junk. You see it around you every day: their plastic, their glass, and their metal boxes. Mother Sun grew impatient with their obsessions. To cleanse the world, to wash that away, she bathed us in fire. She killed the machines and the obsessors, leaving only the faithful: the farmers, the sun worshipers, and you, my friends. And so, we honor Mother Sun by continuing to cleanse the world of machines, of objects of obsession. Once the old is gone, mankind will bask again in the glory of her light.”

Anders swung his arm and let the book in his hand fly into the flames. The crowd responded by throwing objects, big and small, into the fire. I’d heard these sermons before, but all the objects of obsession in Roma were destroyed years ago. We threw symbolic wood on our fires, but now that I knew what a book was, I felt confused. It didn’t seem like a terrible thing, an object of obsession. If they really were a way of sharing information, couldn’t they share Mother Sun? I stared until I felt Recks shove me into moving again.

We drifted down empty, dark alleys, Recks looking into windows here and there.

“That was Master Anders,” I whispered.

“Who?”

“The Reticent who came to Roma to try you.”

“Looks like he’s keeping busy,” said Recks, still poking around. Movement down the street caught his eye and mine.

“Get back,” he warned as he motioned to me. I melted into the shadows, something I was used to doing. A gang of boys moved down the street toward us, some running, some walking, none well-off enough to marry by their looks. The sight of them didn’t worry me, but the twitching of Recks’s hands at his sides told me there was something to be wary of.

“Hey!” the tallest one called to Recks. “This is our street. Fug off!”

“I’m just traveling, looking for food.”

“You won’t find nothing here. Unless you wanna work for it?”

“How’s that?”

The crowd of boys stood all around Recks now, but none of them noticed me. “We were just going down to the river to see what we can find. Maybe you can help us.”

“There’s a Cleansing going on. I came from there,” said Recks.

“Heard they were burning someone down there tonight. Distractions always help. I’m Tiber. This is my tribe.” The tall, thin boy waited for Recks, sizing him up, as if deciding whether to accept him or not.

“Recks.”

“Where are you from?” asked Tiber like it was a test.

“West of here … Buchen.”

“You don’t look like anybody from Buchen I’ve ever seen,” said Tiber, scrunching his forehead. The boys around them laughed even though there was nothing funny.

Recks shifted his weight. “Do you know where I can get some food or not?” he asked impatiently.

Tiber narrowed his eyes and glared before answering. “Yeah. You can be the decoy. C’mon.”

As Recks followed the boys away, I saw his hand signal for me to stay put. We hadn’t made a plan for this, but I wasn’t about to be left behind in the darkness. I waited until they rounded the corner and then silently followed. I wished Recks had hidden with me. He was far outnumbered, and Tiber’s tribe didn’t seem all that friendly. I guessed these were the people Recks wanted to hide my femaleness from. I wasn’t so sure he was any safer than I was. If we got out of this city together, I made up my mind to tell him next time we should forage in the woods. I could at least find edible plants there.

As we approached the Cleansing fire, I realized the crowd was hushed again. They stood still in stick-straight rows around the flames, watching a procession of Reticents carrying someone tied to a stretcher made of logs and cloth. Is this an execution? My horror was like a hard chunk of bread I couldn’t choke back down my throat. I looked at the victim long enough to make sure it wasn’t Kinder and then focused on Recks’s back, determined not to lose sight of him.

Tiber’s tribe moved slowly now, trying to avoid being noticed in the crowd. Try as I might, I lost Recks. I searched the dark crowd, growing frantic. Everyone looked the same. But then I found him with Tiber close behind, almost as if he was guiding Recks by the arm. I scurried behind the crowd to keep up, focusing only on Recks and not the man on the stretcher about to be executed. I couldn’t help seeing the man lifted upright to face the flames.

It wasn’t Kinder, but it could’ve been. He was old like Kinder, with a full head of shaggy, gray hair. He slumped forward, held up only by his restraints and the people lifting the stretcher. He looked beaten, and I prayed he might already be dead to spare him the pain the Reticents planned. I remembered the hot oil on my face and tried not to imagine that feeling over my entire body. There was no doubt they’d tried to kill me, and I probably would’ve died if Master Dine hadn’t cared for me. The man on the platform wouldn’t be so lucky.

“This man,” began Anders, “has defied Mother Sun’s law. He made machines. He taught others to make machines. He must pay for his crimes. The price? His life.”

The crowd began to sing an old hymn, a funeral song without words, only the somber sounds of human cries. Tiber worried me. Was he taking Recks to Anders? Why would they come to a Cleansing to steal food? Why walk through the crowd when they could be hidden from it?

Then I saw it—a shop on the edge of the square the tribe was creeping toward. The curb out front had a small grill with skewers of stringy meat hung over the flames. A man tended the skewers, turning them this way and that while watching the Cleansing from a distance. He must’ve expected customers after the show.

The people on the street made it easy for me to get close to Recks and Tiber, but I strained to hear what Tiber said to Recks before shoving him toward the vendor. The shouts of the crowd grew again, drowning out everything else.

Recks didn’t hesitate. He ran up to the vendor and grabbed the man’s arm, gesturing toward the crowd. Then I heard Tiber shout.

“Move!”

Members of the Tribe I hadn’t even noticed sprang out of the crowd, running behind Tiber. They descended upon the vendor, his cries going unnoticed in the roar of the crowd. The prisoner was in the flames now, and no one heard the vendor. In a second, the grill was emptied, and the tribe disappeared into the dark streets. I ran after them, unable to see Recks, to get away from the screams of the dying prisoner. Somehow I heard his screams above everything else. I knew what it was like to feel your flesh burning off. I wished him a speedy death as I ran.

***

The rubber-soled shoes wore my ankles raw as I dodged the garbage and the metal carriages littering the street. The last of the Tribe ran into a dark building through a broken window, shards of old glass crunching under their boots. Was Recks even with them? Had he gotten away?

My blood pounded in my ears, thankfully the only sound I heard now, finally far from the crowd. I stepped into the building where the Tribe had disappeared and froze, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the inky darkness. A light flickered on in the distance, and I realized the building was enormous. This was no house. Perhaps it was a place machines were once made? Pipes and machinery filled the floor space, ominous in the eerie glow, the high ceiling invisible in the gloom. I crept closer to the light, straining to hear the excited voices growing louder.

“What was that?” shouted Tiber.

“What was what?” The sound of Recks’s voice soothed the ache in my head, but it didn’t sound quite right. I peered through some machinery for a better view. A fire burned in a barrel. Two boys held Recks by the arms while Tiber kicked at his stomach. Recks doubled over, and the boys let him fall on the ground next to the barrel. He groaned.

“You tried to warn him!” said Tiber.

Recks couldn’t answer. Tiber kicked at him again. Recks writhed on the floor while the rest of the tribe watched, some devouring bits of stolen meat.

“I don’t like traitors,” said Tiber. The Tribe jeered and shouted in agreement. Someone handed Tiber some meat, which he ate with his grubby fingers while he circled Recks, watching him through beady eyes. Weevil had the same eyes when he was about to finish someone off. I wanted to scream, but I knew I had to keep my head on. I looked around. What could I do? Running into their camp wasn’t an option. There were at least eight of them that I could see.

A set of ladders glowed in the firelight overhead. Not knowing exactly what I was going to do, I climbed a ladder quickly to a second story landing and scurried over their heads to hide behind some giant pipes. Lucky for me, the Tribe was entranced by Tiber’s ranting. He wiped his greasy fingers on his pants and leaned over Recks, who wasn’t moving. He lay face down on the filth-strewn floor.

I fumbled around in my pockets for the slingshot and something to shoot. Yanking it out of my pocket, several pebbles spilled onto the floor. Feeling in the dark, I found a box of heavy metal tools and round metal nuggets about the size of rocks. I wasn’t about to be picky. I loaded a metal bit in the slingshot and fired it at Tiber, missing him by inches. It slammed into the iron vat behind him with a loud bang, startling the entire Tribe.

“What the hell was that?” said Tiber, looking up at my perch. I hid in the gloom, reloading the slingshot. I took aim and fired again. This time I hit his shoulder. He screamed, more angry than hurt. Some of the other boys ran away.

“Get up there!” he ordered the closest boy. I’d given my location away, and I might be trapped. A stupid slingshot wasn’t going to take them all out. I grabbed a handful of the metal nuggets and jammed them into my pocket before I lifted the tool box to throw it. It was heavier than I expected, and I struggled to get it over the railing. It fell hard, crashing into beams and scattering metal bits everywhere. The remaining Tribe members scattered as the box fell into their camp, nearly hitting Recks.

I turned to face the boy now on the landing coming after me. I thwacked him hard in the face with a shot at close range, and he went down immediately, holding his face. He stumbled and fell over the railing, landing with a smack on the floor by Tiber.

“Get back here!” Tiber screamed at the empty building, deserted by his Tribe. I took another shot at him, grazing his head. This time, he dodged in fear. I fired three more at once, and he ran into the shadows.

I crept down from my perch, carefully listening for any sound. All I heard was the wood burning in the barrel. I hurried to Recks, past the boy who’d fallen and who was as still as death. I never meant to kill him.

My hands on Recks’s back felt his warmth, his shallow breaths. He groaned at my touch and curled into a ball.

“Recks, it’s me.”

“Alana?”

“Yes. Are you hurt bad?”

“I don’t think I can get up.”

“Be still. They won’t come back for a while.”

“Where’d they go?”

“Run off somewhere,” I said. I tried to think of how to treat his injuries.

“Wait … what are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“I followed you.”

“You saw everything?”

“Yes.”

“You were supposed to stay put.”

“How could I save your life if I did that?”

“It was reckless, but I’m glad you did it.” Recks tried to smile through the pain, but it looked more like a face I would make.

My stomach growled hard. We hadn’t eaten for a long time. The smell of barbecued meat hung in the air around the fire barrel. Glancing around, I found two pieces of meat dropped in the confusion. I picked them up and brushed off the dirt.

“Look, Recks. There’s some left.” I pulled off a bit with my fingers and stuck it between his lips. He chewed it, still lying down, and then opened his mouth for more like a baby bird. My bird. I fed him nearly all the meat like that, saving only a little for myself. I knew I’d find something else, but Recks was helpless.

His arm looked broken. He refused to move it, hugging it close to his body when he was finally able to sit up.

“You shouldn’t stay here. They might come back,” he warned.

“Can you walk?”

“Just get back to the room with the books. I’ll meet you there.”

I shook my head. “I’m not leaving you like this. You come with me or I don’t go.”

“Don’t be stupid! Go!”

I flinched at the anger in his voice. I felt myself shrink for a moment, but I knew he couldn’t make it on his own. “You aren’t my master, remember?”

Recks started to speak again but stopped and smiled at me. I felt myself smile back.

“Help me get up then,” he said, reaching for me with his good arm.

I pulled him up and let him lean on me. He held one foot off the ground as if he couldn’t straighten his leg.

“Can you put any weight on it?”

“Maybe a little,” said Recks, gingerly setting his foot down. He groaned between clenched teeth.

“We can wait a while,” I said, unsure how we could get back to the apartment.

“No, we need to move, at least out of this warehouse.”

“I saw some vacant shops down the street. They weren’t too far.”

“Okay,” Recks said, taking a deep breath. We worked our way to the exit, stopping to rest twice before we got there. Once there, I let him rest against a window frame.

“Wait here and I’ll check to be sure we can get inside,” I told him. Out of breath, he didn’t argue. I ducked outside into the night. It was late now, the light of the bonfire down the street completely gone. A white cat ran across my path, but otherwise, it was completely still. Recks needed a place close but hidden. I followed the cat, hoping it knew of such a place. It scurried down a narrow gap between two buildings, across another deserted street, and inside a broken window.

Trying the doorknob, I found it already broken open and stepped into a room so black I had to stop to let my eyes adjust. A set of stairs led to a second floor where a small couch sat underneath a tiny window.

Getting Recks there was no small feat. By the time we reached the stairs, the first glimmers of dawn were on the horizon. I put him to bed on the couch and found a pillow for myself. I curled up on the floor beside him, more exhausted than I had been in a long while, and sank into oblivion.

***

“Hey,” someone whispered. A hand on my shoulder startled me out of my stupor. I sat up quickly, squinting in the afternoon sun coming through the window.

“Stay down!” ordered Recks. “The window isn’t covered.” He lay on the cot above me. I crouched back down, my neck stiff from sleeping wrong. I rubbed my eyes and crept to the window to peek out. Seeing the street empty, I closed the raggedy curtain. Golden light filtered through it. Now I could see how swollen and purple Recks’s left eye was.

“Oh,” I said, trying not to betray how bad it really looked. “I need to find us some water.” My throat craved moisture. I imagined how his felt.

“You should wait till dark.”

“You can’t wait that long. I won’t be recognized. Tiber never saw me.”

“No.”

“Are you going to stop me?” I asked, moving out of his reach.

“I would if I could.” Recks closed his good eye.

“But you can’t. I won’t be long,” I said, moving toward the stairs.

“Alana?”

“Yes?”

“Be careful.” He stared at me with his good eye. The gesture probably meant little to him, but to think that someone actually cared what happened to me made my heart flutter. Suddenly the summer day seemed very hot, but I smiled at him.

“I will.”

Out on the street, my hooded shirt made me too warm, and I felt my armpits sweating. Still, I kept the hood over my hair like Recks wanted me to and hurried back toward the river.

This river was much larger than the one I knew back in Roma, wide, flat, and brown. I could see even more buildings on the far side. The banks were lined with tall brick walls crisscrossed with bridges. Walking along the wall, I found a staircase to the water. I knelt and scooped water into my mouth when I was sure no one was watching. Other than a slightly muddy taste, it soothed my tongue and coated my dry throat. I drank until my belly was full. Then I remembered Recks and wished for my water bag. How was I going to bring him water?

I ran back to a trash pile I’d passed and dug through it until I found a large plastic jug. It was cracked at the top, but it could still hold quite a bit of water if it didn’t crumble. Some plastics shattered when they got older. Others were more durable. We used them in Roma to store various items. I hoped it wasn’t taboo in this city. If someone saw me using plastic here, after what I’d seen the night before, I wasn’t so sure they wouldn’t burn me too.

I rinsed it out and filled it with water as high as the crack would allow. The hot afternoon seemed to keep the streets quiet, and I passed through unnoticed by many. If anyone disapproved, they didn’t bother telling me so.

The plastic jug made it far enough. Recks winced at the taste, but he drank it without a word. His eye, swollen shut, needed valerian root. I’d have to go out in the woods to find it. I knew how to get there, but it would take a couple hours.

I had hunted for food plenty of times but usually only to supplement what Dine gave me. This time it meant survival. It’d been nearly two days, and the gnawing in the pit of my stomach threatened to drive me mad. If it went on much longer, the pain would become too much to forage. I had to find something or our very short journey would come to a very abrupt end. Recks had saved me, and now it was my turn to return the favor.

I dug through all the cupboards and closets in the place looking for useful items. Scavenging was already second nature to me, but the habit came in handy now. Deep in one of the kitchen drawers, under some rags and bent spoons, I found a knife barely the length of an apple. I took that along with a canvas sack I’d found in a corner. I slung the bag over my shoulder. It hung as empty across my back as my stomach inside me. I wouldn’t go back without it filled. I made Recks as comfortable as I could and set out again. This time he didn’t argue.

I saw a few people, kids playing ball on the street, but no crowds like before. Maybe Anders was gone. Perhaps he’d moved on to the next village. The thought of him burning things, burning humans all summer long, sickened me. I pushed it out of my mind and focused on foraging. I headed west until I reached the woods, which silently crept into the broken pavement, Nature reclaiming what once was hers. I set as many deadfall traps as I could find rocks. I stripped some willow branches for the traps, saving the bark for medicine, and then moved deeper into the woods to look for roots.

Finding caysha, I dug it up with my bare hands, breaking my short fingernails. I hoped we wouldn’t have to eat it, that something better would present itself. I gathered valerian root too. It helped any swelling. For the millionth time, I wished I had my supplies from home, the ones I’d meant to bring. I remembered Dine’s ugly face watching us leave and shuddered, glad to be rid of him. I decided I’d die before I’d ever go back to what I was before.

All the while, the sun sank lower and lower in the sky. As I wandered deeper into the woods, I found berries and mushrooms. Soon my bag and my belly were full. We were lucky it was warm and things were growing. I looked up and found myself on the edge of the forest, looking out across a huge clearing toward a compound of some sort. It glowed unnaturally.

Something in me warned to keep hidden. I peered out through thick shrubs to see a structure unlike anything I’d ever imagined, a tall, curved, windowless tower with smoke billowing from the top. The bizarre quality of the constant light was unlike the flicker of a normal flame. What was it? Slowly, I realized this was the same light Recks and I had seen on the horizon from the apartment. I should tell him about it, I thought. Looking at the sun lowering in the sky, I realized how long I’d been gone. He must be starving!

I left the strange building and ran back toward the city. I’d been gone for hours. Of all the traps I’d set, only one managed to snare a vole. I stuffed it in the bag too and made a plan to check them again tomorrow. At the edge of the forest, I slowed to a trot in danger of losing my breath altogether if I wasn’t careful. I didn’t want anyone to notice me, either. As soon as I left the inhabited streets, I picked up my pace again. All Recks had eaten was a tiny bit of dirty meat and some water.

I ran up the stairs two at a time. Recks lay on the cot, undisturbed by my noisy entrance. I touched his shoulder, but he didn’t move.

“Recks? Recks, wake up.” I shook him until he moved. Groaning, he pulled away from me. “I’ve got some food for you.”

I fished the berries out of the bag, the smashed ones staining my fingers, and held them to his lips. He ate them out of my hand.

“Those are good. Where’d you get them?”

“In the woods. I have more,” I said, opening my bag. Recks struggled to pull himself up to sit on the cot.

“I found some matches and a candle,” he said, pointing to the tiny table next to the cot. I struck one and lit the stub of candle on the table. The dried blood on Recks’s face gave him a monstrous look in the candlelight. He must look like me. I put the rest of the berries in his hand.

“Take these so I can make you some dinner. I found some medicine for your eye too.”

Recks wolfed down the fruit, licking his fingers, while I smashed up the valerian with the flat of my little knife. When the milky juice ran, I filled his hand with the pulp and pressed his hand against his eye.

“That feels cool,” he said, holding it gently to his face.

“I don’t know why, but it helps,” I said, looking in my bag for some wood splinters I had cut. I skinned the tiny vole I caught in one of my deadfalls and skewered it so I could toast it over the candle. I gave it to Recks when it was mostly cooked.

“What about you?” he asked.

“I ate in the woods.” It was sort of true. I’d eaten some berries and shoots but no meat. While he ate the meat, I brushed the dust off a mushroom and ate it. It tasted like wood, but I pretended it was meat. They’d gotten me by many times before.

“I need to check your arm, see if it’s broken,” I told him when the food was gone.

“How do you do that?”

“Just feel it. Try to move it.”

“What if I can’t?”

I wasn’t trained by a healer, but I’d seen healing done. Dine even secretly consulted a healer for me after my burn, careful not to let his wives know. The healer used valerian to cool my burns and told me it was good for any swelling. I didn’t really know about fixing broken arms, though.

“If you can’t, we’ll wrap it tight until we find a healer.”

I sat next to him on the cot and touched his injured arm at the wrist, which he held close to his body. His skin was on fire. I felt him relax his wrist as I massaged the joint.

“No pain?” I asked.

“Not there. It’s more in the elbow.”

I gave his forearm a gentle squeeze to be sure. There seemed to be no pain there, so I pushed his sleeve up over his elbow to see the swollen joint.

“Can you straighten it?”

Recks tried to move his arm and he did a little with a gasp of pain. I felt for breaks above and below the elbow; as far as I could tell, everything was in the proper place. The swelling made his elbow impossible to feel. I shook my head.

“I can’t tell. It may just be sprained. A sprain can hurt pretty bad. I can make you some willow tea. That’s good for pain.” I turned back to my bag for the willow bark I’d collected.

“Alana?”

“Hmm?” The bottom of the bag was getting harder to see in the dim light.

“Thank you for feeding me. I would’ve been dead by now if it weren’t for you.”

“You would have managed,” I said as I dug around in the bag.

“I don’t think so.”

“I saw the place with all the lights.”

“You did? What was it?”

Finding the willow bark, I set the bag aside and shredded the bark, piling it on my lap as I worked. Longer fingernails would’ve made the job easier.

“I don’t know exactly. There were several buildings and a huge smoking chimney. It’s like another town. There’s something strange about it.”

“What?”

“The lights. They weren’t fires. They didn’t flicker.”

“An artifact of the Dark Days?”

“How could they still work? Didn’t Mother Sun destroy the machines?”

“They stopped working, but nothing was actually destroyed. The Cleansings are destroying the machines. Men are doing that.”

“True.” I found a cup in the kitchenette, filled it with the bark, and poured some of our water over it.

“It would steep faster if the water were hot. You’ll have to give it some time before you drink it.” I set the cup by Recks and took the valerian from his eye. Wiping his eyes with a rag soaked in water, I was pleased to find the puffiness was already going down.

“I think once you feel well enough to walk, we should move on,” I said. “It’s much easier to find food in the woods than the city.”

“And we don’t want to run into Tiber again. Have you seen him?”

“No, but I’m sure he’s around. We didn’t get too far from their camp.”

“Maybe we should move tonight? Put some distance between us and them.”

“Are you up for it?”

“I think so.”

“I’ll have to go out first, try to find a place to go.”

“Wait until it’s darker, just to be safe.”

***

Out on the street later, I searched for a building Recks could get to—somewhere not too far to walk but far enough to make it worth moving. It was going to be risky, so it needed to be a hidden, out-of-the-way place if possible. And a real bed would be nice, I thought as I peeked in empty rooms and shops.

This part of town seemed deserted, probably why the Tribe lived here. No one to get in their way. I decided we should be closer to the edge of the city so I focused my search in that direction, keeping to the shadows in case of trouble. Most of the buildings were warehouses like the one the Tribe camped in, but at the end of a narrow alley, behind a thick curtain of ivy, I finally found a perfect cottage.

The rooms were small and narrow, but the kitchen had dishes and the bedrooms had mattresses. I’d have to fill the water jug again before we moved, but that was easy enough. My mind should’ve been tired, yet it buzzed with a thousand thoughts like a hive of bees.

Recks was sleeping when I got back, and I couldn’t bring myself to wake him. He was finally resting easy, his face smooth with no trace of pain. Perhaps the tea had helped after all. We could wait here one more day. The cottage wasn’t going anywhere, although I wished for the teacups.

I lay on the musty pillow bed on the floor next to Recks. His good arm lay over the edge of the cot, pale in the moonlight through the flimsy curtain. I wondered what would become of us, how long we could get by like this, living day to day. When winter came, we’d have nothing then. I shoved the fear to the back of my mind.

I studied Recks’s silhouette, blacker than the darkness in the surrounding room. He was marriageable, like Tow, and yet he had no wife. With this life, he never would. It was a shame someone so beautiful would have no mate, but perhaps that was his wish.

When I opened my eyes the next morning, Recks was already up. My neck was numb from sleeping on the floor again. Without the ability to feel anything, I was almost comfortable. I stayed perfectly still, enjoying the sensation. I knew when I moved it’d change.

“You couldn’t find a place we could move?” asked Recks.

“I did, but you were sleeping when I got back. I didn’t want to wake you.”

Recks peeked out of a slit between the curtain and the wall to see the street below the apartment.

“You didn’t have to come back, you know. You could leave me. You’re free now.”

“I know.” Had Recks been thinking the same things I had about our precarious situation? I dragged myself up, my neck painfully stiff. “How’s your arm?” I asked as I rubbed my own neck.

“Better. See?” Recks made an attempt to move his arm, but I didn’t see much change. I broke a piece of willow bark in half and gave him part of it, shoving the rest in my own mouth.

“This’ll help. I’ll get some water. Be back soon,” I told him as I left with the plastic jug.

As the sun dawned, the air was still cool from the night. The colors of Mother’s aurora shimmered across the sky, all green and gold like a tree in early fall. I took it as a good sign for the day. “Mother’s Loving Gaze” they used to call it back in Roma. Her colors gave the broken, gray city an unearthly look, much prettier than it really was. I thought about what Recks said about me leaving. Perhaps I should? Recks couldn’t support me, not like Dine had. I didn’t want to be a burden, but now he needed me more than I needed him. I could leave when he was better, but where would I go?

I felt myself growing more at ease with this place. Strangers weren’t unusual here, and no one paid me any mind as I joined the other women filling jugs at the river steps. Hope took hold in me, somewhere deep, and I quickly filled my water jug, eager to return to Recks. I wasn’t even that concerned when the familiar jingle of Reticent harness bells broke the morning stillness. No Reticent had ever looked upon my face. I could thank Dine for that. The other water gatherers looked up at the sound and hurried up the steps to the street.

“What is it?” I whispered to the nearest woman.

“Charity day. If you’re lucky, you get a whole loaf of sour bread,” she said, not waiting around for me.

In the past, I would’ve laughed. I made sour bread all the time in Roma. We used it to thicken our broth when meat was scarce. But today, as hungry as I was, it sounded like a banquet. When I reached the top of the stairs, I saw a small crowd gathering around a scarlet-clad Reticent with a jute sack across his lap, sitting on the back of an enormous black stallion.

Far from the usual haughtiness, this Reticent distributed small round loaves of sour bread to the peasants’ outstretched hands. Something drew me in, the promise of fresh bread, yes, but more than that. Something about his face, his shock of white hair, was familiar. Could I know this man? Could he be … ?

“Mother bless you,” he uttered to each person as he gave him or her a loaf. Finally he reached me. I looked up into his grim, blue eyes and I knew, but I couldn’t believe it. He put a loaf in my hand with another “Mother bless you.”

“Kinder?”

He stopped what he was doing and looked at me hard, searching my scarred face.

“Do I know you?” he demanded, grabbing my wrist.

It was him, no doubt, but what was he dressed as a Reticent for? Too late, I realized my mistake. He was one of them. I tried to pull away, but his bony fingers had a better grip on me than I thought and he wouldn’t let me go.

“Recks?” he asked in a hushed, angry voice, as if he didn’t want the others to hear.

I twisted my arm, squirming out of his grasp and pinching the horse’s flank to make him balk. Kinder released me to keep from tumbling off the prancing stallion. I ran without looking back, sloshing water all over my pants from the jug I carried. I almost threw it down, but we needed the water.

I made up my mind to tell Recks it was time to leave the city. Now. Today. It wasn’t safe. Not with so many Reticents here and especially not with Kinder being one of them. What other lies had he told Recks? I couldn’t even think about it now. My breath came in panicked gasps as I ran to the hidden apartment.

When I saw the door open, the door I knew I had shut behind me, I dropped the jug, the water spilling into the street. My legs refused to work and I stood there, not knowing what to do. Finally, my fear for Recks overcame any other thoughts in my mind. I raced to the open door and up the stairs.

“Recks?”

The apartment had never been tidy, but now the cot and the table were overturned. It only took two blinks to know Recks was gone, and it hadn’t been his own choice.

Oh no … Oh no …

The only person in the whole world who cared a whit about me, and I’d lost him. I was alone, truly alone. I felt my mind coming apart at the seams, unraveling like frayed cloth. The only sound was my ragged breath. What now?

A shadow moved in the corner of the room faster than my eyes could adjust. Someone was still here. Someone other than Recks. I turned to run again, but found my escape blocked. A pack of boys rushed up the stairwell below me. I saw Tiber’s crooked, snarling grin among them, and I threw the first thing I could grab—the rickety little table that had held our tiny dinner the night before. It snapped against the wall, and they tromped right over it. I grabbed the cot and shoved it toward them, but hard hands grabbed my arms from behind, and I screamed. The sound startled everyone.

“You scream like a girl,” said Tiber. His hands groped my chest for the breasts beneath my heavy shirt. His face changed at his sly discovery, and I wished I’d wrapped them tighter. He pulled off my hood and my long hair spilled out. Before he could react, I spit in his mud-colored eyes and kicked at him with both feet.

The boys holding my arms dug into me with their fingers as Tiber lashed out at me. I don’t remember the sting of his hand across my cheek. I know I heard it—a loud, clear-smacking crack—but I was too busy thrashing to get away to notice. I did as much damage with my feet as I could, kicking until they grabbed them out from under me and knocked me to the ground. They righted the cot and threw me onto it so Tiber could tug off my pants. Too big for me, they slipped off too easily. The back of my head throbbed where I hit the floor in the fall, and I felt my mind losing the fight. I felt it retreat, bit by bit, to that place it always went when Dine had me. A dark, safe place no one knew but me. I used to be able to go there and emerge hours later when it was long over. This time, I didn’t know if I was coming back.

“What’s going on here?” a deep voice demanded. I felt the grip of the hands holding me loosen and then release me. My eyes no longer saw anything but sounds and smells still reached me. I heard a struggle, the scuffle of many feet in the room, the curious spicy scent of incense, and then someone silently dressing me. My mind refused to come back to complete consciousness until I felt my body being carried out of the apartment. The day heated up, and Mother Sun bathed the world in white, hot light that burned my eyes when I opened them.

Tiber’s tribe was confined in a coach with bars, some of them glowering at me. My head lolled away from their stares as I was put into another coach. I stared at the dirty floor I lay on, vaguely aware I moved but not knowing where nor caring why. Recks was gone, and I’d be a slave again. A slave or dead.

My stomach growled. I wanted to be strong, but I felt beaten, hungry, and so incredibly tired. Could I live in this world anymore? If I ran, I might escape, or they could kill me. I decided to try. If I had to die, I only hoped for a quick, neck-snapping death, not a burning. I wasn’t a heretic, so I figured my chances were good.

When the coach finally stopped, I looked up for the first time in an hour. I felt my mind return once more, my thoughts more coherent. Peering out the window, I saw the last of Tiber’s gang being hustled into another large building made of smooth gray stone with no seams, like a solid mountain of rock. I tried the door of my cage in case it was unlocked and I could escape, but it didn’t budge. I had no intention of following Tiber. I looked around me for anything that might serve as a weapon. The carriage had nothing but a bit of dirt and straw. If only I had my knife … wait!

Feeling in my pockets, I knew it was gone, probably lost when my pants were pulled off.

“Looking for something?” asked a man’s voice outside.

It was a voice I knew: Weevil.

I pulled my hood over my head and hunched over, hoping to hide my face while Weevil unlocked the door. I didn’t move.

“C’mon out here before I come in after you.”

I watched my own feet as I stepped out of the carriage, keeping my face hidden. Looking to my right, I saw the great, green wall of the woods maybe fifty steps away. The tart smell of the pines lured me, and I ran for them as soon as my feet touched the dirt. Weevil had no time to react. I didn’t look back as I pumped my arms and legs hard, willing myself to live and unafraid to die in the same breath.

It wasn’t long before I heard his panting and his angry growl behind me, and then he tackled me. The force of his blow on my back cleared the air from my lungs, and I went down hard, gasping like a fish on the riverbank. He flipped me over, his club raised to strike me again, when he caught sight of my face, my mouth working hard to suck in a breath, and he stopped.

“Chit?” His voice was unusually soft. I flailed around unable to really fight him without my breath. I kicked at him as best I could.

Hit me! Be done with it! Done with me …

But as before, Weevil never did what I wanted him to do. He pinned my arms behind me and dragged me to my feet somehow. I may have imagined it, but he seemed to pause and let me breathe, a kindness I didn’t expect from him. His hot breath hit my neck as he spoke in my ear.

“I never thought I’d see you again. Lovely, as always,” he whispered, inhaling deeply as if to collect my scent should I run again. I struggled against him, but his grip was a vice I couldn’t break.

“You shouldn’t have come here, chit. No, no, no,” he murmured as he pushed me back toward the giant building. “Might mean the death of you.” His voice almost sounded sorry for me.

More Reticent guards waited at the doorway of the place with the high, gray, windowless walls. I saw the giant stack looming over us now. It was the place with the unnatural light I’d seen from the forest, a place I knew I didn’t want to be. I locked my knees, refusing to move forward, my heels digging into the soft dirt. Weevil bent and slung me over his shoulder, unwilling to take no for an answer. My hands free again, I beat his back, screaming my frustration.

I heard the guards laugh as Weevil lost his balance with me, and I slipped to the ground. I scrambled away, but he had me by the ankle. His tone was less forgiving now.

“Don’t make me hurt you. You know I will.”

“Do it then!” I shrieked. I kicked at him with my free foot as he dragged me closer and hit his thigh.

“That’s enough,” he bellowed. His gnarled brown hand smacked me hard across the face, and my world went dark.

I smelled honeysuckle, so sweet I could taste it in my mouth. And then suddenly it was gone like the memory of a dream you try so hard to grasp but can’t.

My eyes flickered open, and I remembered I wasn’t in the apartment anymore. The Reticents had come. I didn’t even have a chance to hide. Now I lay in a rickety bed in a small, square room with a high ceiling and no windows. The pain in my elbow had finally gone. Try as she might, Alana hadn’t been able to stop the pain.

Alana … she’ll think I’ve left her.

In truth I had, but not by my own accord. I hoped she might get away. I’d failed her, and I knew it.

I wanted to get up and look around, but my legs wouldn’t move. I could sit up but nothing more. Twice now, a man had injected me with something that made me unbearably tired. Restful sleep was impossible. My body craved the rest, but it felt like betrayal to lie there when Alana needed me. I let the drug convince me she didn’t. Who could I help anyway? I couldn’t even help myself.

Maybe Alana will go east, I consoled myself. Maybe she’ll take the story to heart. It’d be hard, but she might have a chance. The story wasn’t true, of course. It was a juicy turnip to a starving slave, the light of a distant star called Hope.

The days and nights bled into one another. I was no longer certain of how many there’d been, until one day my mind was a clear, blue sky. I sat up easily and looked around me. The room was spare, the light low like afternoon before sunset.

Feeling no pain, I examined my elbow first, then my knee. Apart from finding myself dressed in red shorts, everything seemed normal. I longed to see the sun, to know the true time of day, but the room had no windows. There was only a door and a light source hanging up by the ceiling.

I stared at it. The light glowed like a tiny Mother Sun captured in a glass globe, and like Mother, it burned my eyes to look at it.

What is this place?

I got out of the bed and crossed the room to the door.

Locked, of course. If I’m a prisoner, why heal me?

No longer drugged, I took to pacing laps around the room. The muscles in my arms and legs were much weaker than before. I needed them back. I even tried push-ups. My arm held as good as ever. I pushed against the floor until the lock turned, and the door opened.

A hooded figure in a red robe stepped in and handed me an identical garment.

“Put this on,” he said. “Hurry.”

I got up off the floor, my arms aching, and took the heavy woolen robe. “Where am I?”

“You are safe in the Gora Compound among the Reticents. Get dressed.”

“Reticents?” I murmured, trying to understand.

“Come,” was all he said as he turned and left the room. I threw on the robe and hurried after him, glad to be out of my solitary confinement at least.

Tubes of light like the glass ball in my room dimly lit the hall he disappeared down. The tubes snaked along the walls, glowing a faint blue. I ran after him, still barefoot, my feet slapping the slick floor.

I caught up to him but stayed a step or two behind. The floor sloped downward as we walked, and I had the feeling we were going deeper into the fortress. No windows anywhere. No escape in sight.

A familiar odor hit my nose when we reached a pair of heavy doors, and he pulled one open. My stomach suddenly ached from the smell of butter, warm bread, and rich, greasy meat drippings. After the dark hallway, the room nearly blinded me with the brightness of the light in the ceiling. I blinked, wanting to both open and close my eyes at the same time.

Men and women, some old, some young, most dressed in red, sat at several long tables eating the food that smelled so good. I had to have some. I didn’t hesitate when my guide pointed me toward the food line. Someone handed me a bowl of meat stew, someone else, a hunk of bread. I followed the people ahead of me to a table. Oblivious to everyone else, I crammed the bread into my mouth, hardly chewing enough to savor the flavor of the creamy butter on it.

In fact, I wolfed down everything I had and looked up for more. I studied the line wondering if seconds were allowed here. I didn’t really need more. My belly was full, but I was accustomed to stuffing myself when there was plenty, to make up for the times when there wasn’t.

Glancing around, I noticed someone at the next table staring at me. His hair was different now, short and spiky, but it was clearly Tiber. The corners of his cracked lips curled when he saw me recognize him but otherwise he didn’t move. More questions sprang to mind, twice as bad as before.

What’s he doing here? What am I doing here? Are all these people captive?

“What is this place?” I asked the boy next to me. Silent stares were all I received from several people at my table.

In fact, no one in the entire room spoke. They finished their meals and delivered their empty dishes to a hole in the wall as they filed out of the room. My guide, who’d disappeared, found me again and directed me to follow him along with two other boys, one older and one younger than me. Both looked as confused as I felt.

The larger groups ahead of us turned down different hallways until we were the last ones left. The guide ushered us into a round room with a high-domed ceiling. Another hooded figure waited for us to enter, and then closed the door behind us with a heavy thud.

“Welcome. Please stand around the platform,” said the figure as he pointed to a round, raised area in the center of the dark room. Lights like candles with no flame illuminated the floor.

“Who are you?” asked one of my cohorts.

“I am Master Bane, your teacher. I’m sure you have many questions. They’ll all be answered presently. Please pay attention.”

His voice was warm and reassuring. I felt my innards unknot a bit listening to its singsong quality.

“You are among the Reticents now. You’re safe.”

I never would’ve put “Reticents” and “safe” in the same sentence.

“If Mother Sun wills it, you may join us one day.”

Join the Reticents? What nonsense is this? I’m not joining this crazy cult!

“Observe.” Bane touched a panel on the wall, and the platform erupted in light. “The first of many lessons.”

An unnatural blue light filled the room and shaped itself into three-dimensional images so real you could almost touch them, spheres floating in the air above us. A woman’s voice out of nowhere began to describe the spheres, one small and green, the other a fiery ball of orange.

“Earth, our home as you know, is millions of years old,” the woman’s voice said. “Its star, known to you as Mother Sun, provides the necessary amount of heat and light to support life on Earth. This star consists of hot ionized gases, constantly exploding, releasing the heat and light on which we rely. The magnetic waves from the star collide with Earth’s magnetosphere, creating the phenomenon we know as Mother’s Love. It is not malevolent or benevolent. It just is.”

I looked at the two boys next to me. They were staring, agape, at the images swirling before us as I did. The younger of the two, who was perhaps twelve years old, hugged himself tight. His face was a kaleidoscope of confusion, anger, and wonder. I’m sure he wanted to know about this magic and where it came from, fearing Mother’s wrath like we’d always been taught. The woman’s voice continued.

“In 2112, the star entered an extremely active phase, emitting an unusual number of explosive bursts. The phenomenon known as Mother’s Love, or Aurora Borealis, is created when electrically charged particles from the sun collide with the gases in the Earth’s atmosphere. On April 18, 2112, the sun emitted an explosion so vast, the Earth was showered with energy.”

The fiery ball floating above us churned and a fountain of flames shot out from its surface. Suddenly the image of the Earth became huge as we watched the wave of energy reach the planet.

“At that time, the human population of the Earth was as plentiful as birds in the sky. They’d become so because of the technology they’d created.”

The scene above us became a farm with miles of corn—more than any human could possibly plant. Wheeled machines plowed the dirt and planted seeds, and other machines watered the crops.

“Their technology allowed them to grow vast fields of food. The efforts of one person fed thousands. Technology gave them the freedom to spend time doing things besides growing food. It kept them warm in the winter and cool in the summer.”

The scene showed us elaborate homes, factories, and buildings so high they seemed to touch the clouds. And there were people everywhere, hundreds of millions of people.

“Technology provided the means by which to communicate and travel great distances in a short time, to exchange and store information in great quantities.”

I thought of Kinder. This is exactly what he wanted to know. But why were they telling us? The light showed us people using machines both big and small, doctors using machines, people traveling in machines, even machines that flew through the air. The boy next to me sat down. It was all too much.

“They accumulated vast amounts of knowledge, recorded first in books but later in machines. As their natural resources were depleted, they recorded more and more in their machines. These machines were dependent on a power source called electricity, which could be generated in different ways, many of which were destructive to Earth’s environment.”

The scene showed us acres of trees felled, giant holes gouged out of the earth, and thick black smoke in the sky.

“Humans did their best to solve these problems with technology as well, but on April 18, 2112, all that changed. The solar superstorm wave washed over the planet, destroying 76.4 percent of all electronic equipment.”

As we watched the scene, the machines stopped. Flying machines crashed. Lights all across the planet went out.

“The remaining technology was unable to support the 76.4 percent of the planet without electricity, and humankind began to die. Most had no way to obtain food, no way to grow it, and no transportation to get it. Medicine could not be mass-produced, let alone distributed. Those who didn’t starve died of disease. It was a black time. The Dark Time. Wars over the remaining power broke out but were short-lived as people began to starve.”

“In the Dark Time, much knowledge was lost, but there were those who knew our long-term survival depended upon saving what could be saved. The first Secret Keepers, the Reticents, were formed. Knowing the basic nature of humans was greed, they kept this knowledge hidden away deep within the Earth, protected from the sun and those that would abuse it. This is the charge of a Reticent, the guardian of knowledge and protector of truth.”

The light suddenly faded and the room grew dark again. The kid on the floor shook his head.

“Truth?” he muttered.

It did seem like the opposite of truth. All we’d been told about Mother Sun, about technology being evil, was a lie. It wasn’t a shock to me really. Kinder had long suspected the Reticents were hiding something. I knew his tinkering had never incited the wrath of Mother Sun, but the kid on the floor had bought into the whole story. Tears shined on his cheeks.

“But Mother Sun … ” he whispered. “How could they?”

Our teacher, Bane, stepped forward.

“You must trust that the first Reticents had their reasons. Don’t doubt that,” he said kindly to the boy on the floor whose head hung between his knees now. The boy didn’t respond.

“Master Seck?” said Bane. The door opened again and our guide reappeared. “Master Seck, please take young Daniel to his room where he can rest a bit.”

Seck bowed silently and walked over to the boy as Bane turned toward me and the other student.

“Recks, Shim, please follow me,” he invited. Having little other choice, we did as he asked.

I let Shim go first so I could watch him and Master Bane. I needed to collect my thoughts and study the passageways for an exit, although it seemed hopeless. The solid black walls went on forever.

Shim was a tall and lanky red-haired kid. Maybe without knowing it, he hunched over the way big people often do to appear less imposing. He made a phlegmy sound to clear his throat.

“May I ask a question?” he said to Master Bane.

“Of course. You’re here to learn,” said Bane, but he didn’t slow his pace at all.

“Why aren’t there windows?” Shim asked the question I was dying to know myself.

“Very good, Shim. There are no windows because we’re underground, nearly half a mile underground in fact.”

“How can that be?” I interrupted. “No one could ever move that much earth.”

“The technologists could. This was once a mine.”

“But why build all this underground?” asked Shim.

“The reason is twofold. It provides the Reticents with the privacy they need and protects our technology from the sun’s more harmful rays.”

Privacy? That’s a nice way to put it. They lock it all up and hide it away from everyone.

Shim seemed as perturbed as I did. He glanced over his shoulder at me, his green eyes locking on mine. I stared back to let him know I understood.

“The sun still bombards us with energy more than any other time in the past, except for Reckoning Day of course. It is unclear why. Technology’s susceptible to that,” Bane continued.

My mouth flew open before I thought. “It doesn’t work on the surface,” I said.

Bane stopped and looked at me as if to memorize my face. With a nod, he acknowledged, “It doesn’t work outside these walls. Not reliably. But the Reticents are ever vigilant, always searching for new ways, better technology.” He resumed walking while he spoke to us.

“We’ve been able to reconstruct simple engines we can use for farming outdoors that don’t require electronics. The building itself protects us from the sun’s radiation and magnetic waves. Inside Gora Compound, we’ve been able to generate electricity on a small scale and to reconstruct electronic computing systems. Outside Gora, people live as if it’s the twelfth century. We alone can safeguard the world’s data. One day we’ll find a way to bring it back into the light. Here we are,” said Bane, stopping by a set of double doors. Something about his smile wasn’t quite right to me. “I want to show you something. You’ll train here one day, but today we’ll just observe.”

The doors opened at his touch, and the sounds of struggle spilled out into the hall. We stepped inside, joining several other red-cloaked figures observing the students in an arena below. The room was a mass of movement. Bare-chested men in red shorts battled each other one-on-one, some with short sticks, others with their hands, until a Reticent at the end of the room blew a whistle. All struggle ceased and everyone knelt on the floor, all eyes on the man with the whistle.

“Obstacle course!” Everyone moved into silent lines along the walls as the center of the floor moved. As it split apart, machinery erupted from the gaps. The students shuffled with nervous energy while the room transformed. I realized for the first time that some of them were women. All of them had hair cut like the boys’ and most had well-developed muscles. The fear on their faces unsettled me. What was happening?

I looked at Bane. His wrinkled face pulled back into a smile.

“This will be good,” he whispered to me when he saw the question on my face.

The machines unfolded to reveal an array of blades and spikes that rotated at various speeds, whirring with an unnatural sound.

“Begin!”

A familiar form stepped up—Tiber. He readied himself, seemed to gauge his timing, and then he sprinted through the machines, ducking and weaving, diving and rolling. Tiber made his way across the room easily.

“Nicely done,” said the instructor. “Next!”

A slim girl started through the course, so small she looked like a dark-haired boy of twelve or thirteen. Something in her movement was familiar to me, but I couldn’t place it until I saw the terrible scar down the right side of her face. She’s here!

I gripped the railing to stop myself from jumping over it into the arena. I had to let her concentrate or she’d be slashed to pieces. She wasn’t as quick as Tiber, taking her time getting by each obstacle, but she was graceful like a cat. My chest ached as I remembered her curtain of black hair, how she must’ve cried when they cut it.

“Faster!” the instructor shouted. Alana clutched the back of her neck as if injured, although she hadn’t been hit as far as I could tell. Strangely, I felt the pain in my own neck, and I heard Shim cry out softly too. Alana bent over but ran harder through the last obstacle. A blade struck her face and she recoiled, collapsing on the mat outside the course. Even from the balcony, I saw the blood on her cheek. It drove me crazy, and I forgot where I was.

“Alana!” I yelled as I stepped up on the railing ready to jump. She looked up at me, and I knew it was her. A sharp pain like the stab of a dagger screamed in the back of my head and brought me to my knees. I saw Shim collapse beside me, and I heard Bane above me.

“Such behavior will never do, Recks. I simply won’t tolerate it.”

At least that’s what I think I heard before I passed out.

When I awoke, the arena was gone. I sat upright in an armchair, plush with velvet. Shim sat in an identical chair next to me. I rubbed my aching skull.

“What happened?” I groaned.

“I don’t know,” said Shim. “This whole place is nuts.”

“I’ll tell you what happened, Master Recks.” Master Bane’s voice came out of the darkness behind us. I looked around, but there was no one there, only shelves and shelves of books illuminated by a single, tiny light, like a lamp that glowed without fire, giving the room an eerie glow. Why would Reticents keep books?

“Where are you?” I asked.

“Where is of no concern to you. We’ve implanted a device in each student’s cranium that allows us to send signals to you collectively or individually. The signals may be in the form of discipline, which you experienced today, or in the form of information downloads. I’m speaking to you remotely via this device.”

I dug at the back of my head with my fingers. A small lump, no bigger than a pea, rested under a tiny scar in the hollow at the base of my skull.

“Order is of the utmost importance here, Recks. When one recruit acts out, all will suffer for it.”

“That’s barbaric,” said Shim.

“It’s effective. Most effective,” said Bane. “Recruits discipline each other for the good of the Order so we don’t have to.”

Anger seized my thoughts, and I tensed my jaw.

“Why? What’s the point of all this?” I demanded. “Why don’t you kill us and be done with it?”

“We only execute heretics, Recks, those who’d steal our information and betray us. Our recruits are the best young minds we can find. We mean to cultivate that, not destroy it.”

“Cultivate it for what?” I needled him.

“To perpetuate the Order. Recruits train mentally and physically so that they may be ready one day to protect our way of life as the Elders have.”

“And if a recruit doesn’t want to?”

“That would be unfortunate. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” The tone in his voice was a clear threat.

“But there’s no need to make your mind up now. You must become educated before you choose the right path. That’s what we’re here for,” he continued.

I looked at the books around the room, feeling too weak to get up and open them. The chair sucked me down into its soft cushions the way his voice did.

“I’ll teach you things you could never learn. How to read, write, create, invent, and experiment. Then you can make up your own mind, Recks.” I heard the smug smile in his voice.

“Those things are forbidden,” said Shim.

“Only for commoners. Not to us,” said Bane. Shim slumped in his chair too, struggling to absorb everything.

“This will be your classroom. Young Daniel will join you as soon as he’s able. You will join the other recruits for meals and various activities, athletics, and such. You will soon learn the routine. Let us begin. Close your eyes,” said Bane’s voice in my head.

Tired, my eyelids drooped and closed at the slightest suggestion. I wanted to imagine what Alana looked like now but another scene was broadcast in my mind. Master Bane stood before us in a now bright room, ready to teach.

“Your classes will consist of a series of downloads via the device we’ve implanted in your head. This will allow you to experience the lessons in a much more interactive way and more quickly than I could speak them. It may seem a bit overwhelming at first, but you’ll soon acclimate to the method. Ready?”

I involuntarily grasped the arms of my chair as the stream of data flowed into my head. It poured into me like water from a never-ending pitcher until I thought I’d drown. I heard Shim’s heavy breathing over my own and opened my eyes to look at him, but the data didn’t stop coming. It wasn’t that I saw it in my mind or even heard it. I just suddenly knew things I never knew before, like what the sun was made of, the technical details of exactly how it ruined Earth’s technology, statistics of how many people starved, what diseases others died of, and how long it took the survivors to recover. I knew how the first Reticents found this place, knew it was a former molybdenum mine; I even knew molybdenum was a chemical element. But more than that, I knew the magnitude of what was lost, the terrible cost to humankind, and the terrible suffering the sun caused the world.

Tears streamed down Shim’s face and my own. Finally, mercifully, the data stopped. I held my head in my hands, to keep it all in. I felt as if my head would explode and I’d die if I let go. Who knew this? Who could know this? Who could bear it? Kinder must know this. Where was he?

Shim and I continued our downloads, at least two a day, sometimes more. Daniel never rejoined us, and I never knew what became of him. Mornings started with a simple meal of protein and carbohydrate before our work tending the agricultural fields, which took us back to the surface where the sun blinded us underground dwellers. It also served as our daily doses of vitamin D, which I now knew prevented rickets.

I hadn’t seen Alana since that day in the arena. It seemed like weeks ago. I hoped they’d only moved her, not something worse. Did she even see me that day? Did she know it was me? I hated myself for exposing her. I should’ve kept quiet. I might’ve been able to get closer to her if only I’d kept my head. I’d seen immeasurable pain in the world, but to see hers had been unbearable. I didn’t know why.

It got colder. The potato vines wilted in the frost, and the Masters directed us to dig up the tubers today. The Masters’ farm was several acres of vegetables and fruit trees. I didn’t see farm machinery anywhere, though. The downloads taught us we needed to learn the old ways of survival and never be reliant on machines for food. I suspected they wanted to keep the technology hidden as well. If the others knew …

I always worked fields with the same group: Shim, Tiber, Stef, and Anne. Tiber barked orders at us, which we mostly ignored. I gazed at the woods while I dug the potato hills. I was pretty sure Tingrad lay just beyond them. Being on the surface always made me think about escape. It seemed my whole life had been about escape. Maybe it always would be.

“I see you looking at those woods,” hissed Tiber at Stef. It seemed she thought about the same things. Stef shot Tiber a look she never would’ve given a master. No one liked Tiber, even here. He smiled at her, part leer and part threat.

“There’s nothing for you out there.”

“How do you know?” Stef said under her breath as she knelt to pick up the potatoes I’d dug up.

“Don’t pay him any mind,” I whispered to her as I started on the next hill.

“I don’t,” she said. “But I’d sure like to brain him with your shovel. He must be the only person who likes it here.”

“Yeah, it suits him,” I agreed, keeping an eye on Tiber walking down the row to empty his basket.

“It would be so easy to slip away if he wasn’t around.”

“And go where?”

She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter where.”

“Besides, you do that, and we’ll all suffer for it.”

“If we all went, it—”

“Shh!” I warned her. I wasn’t so sure Anne wouldn’t turn her in.

“She’s okay. She’s a friend,” said Stef.

“How do you know I am?”

“I’ve seen how you look at the woods. You don’t hide it so well.”

I wiped the sweat off my cheeks where the fall wind hadn’t dried it. Mother’s Love was brilliant orange today with trails of hot pink tracing the clouds. Surely it would burn through any electrical signal the Masters might send. Every day I was out here I went through this. I could run. I could even get away. But where was Alana? If she was still with the Reticents, I couldn’t leave her.

In my daydreaming, I missed the slight form of Stef stealing away. Tiber took off after her. His bulk slowed him down, but his determination made up for it. He was going to get her. Stef wasn’t too bright, but I didn’t want her to get hurt. Without the microchip to control her, Tiber would surely beat her.

I threw down my shovel and sprinted after him, reaching him as he plowed into her. Stef was ready for him with a punch to his throat. He toppled her, but he sputtered and gagged, trying to clear his crushed windpipe. Stef took the opportunity to kick his chest hard with both feet. I pulled him off of her, but she did the hard work of knocking his breath out. He flopped over gasping for air he couldn’t find. Stef struggled too, holding her arm tight around her ribs as if they hurt, but she took off again.

“Damn it, Stef, stop!” I shouted, running after her. Having to dodge through the trees slowed her down. Her feet slipped on the damp, fallen leaves, giving me the chance to catch her in my arms and tackle her to the ground, but she never stopped moving

“Don’t … don’t make me stay here,” she begged. “Please.”

Her breath on my face was ragged as I fought to still her flailing arms and legs without hurting her.

“Stop … listen … ”

She grabbed me back. “No! You stop! If you want this, that’s fine, but don’t choose for me.”

“But you’ll be killed.”

“This is my choice, Recks.” Her eyes burned into mine, and I released her. She lay perfectly still like a moth that doesn’t know it’s been freed yet, her eyes wide.

“Go on then! Run!”

“Come with me.” She pulled my sleeve as she scrambled to her feet.

“I can’t. Go!”

She disappeared into the brush. I hesitated, not knowing what to do next, when the red-robed guards stepped into the clearing and zapped me. The pain blinded me with colors: whites, oranges, and dark pinks. I might’ve heard someone yelling “stop,” but I couldn’t be sure.

I woke up later in my bed, the ache in my neck still fierce. It was way worse than any other discipline I’d experienced, and I realized then that the chips could kill. Bane never said as much, but there was no doubt. I wondered if Stef made it or if she was dead. I would’ve cursed her if I thought she’d actually escaped. Maybe the trees blocked Mother’s Love enough for the chips to work? Or the Reticents figured out a way around it?

Hours later, a Reticent I didn’t know came to my room. Without thinking, I sprang out of my bed. My legs like jelly, I collapsed in a heap. Rather than the shooting pain I expected from the Reticent, a cool, soothing sensation spread from my neck into my shoulders and down my spine. He helped me stand.

“You must prepare yourself for an audience with Master Anders,” he said.

“Audience?”

“He wishes to speak with you. Bathe.”

Maybe I wasn’t out of the woods yet. Maybe he planned to make an example of me. I didn’t move, my thoughts too overwhelming.

“Quickly,” urged the Reticent, not unkindly. He pointed to the sink on the wall.

“What would Master Anders want with me?” I asked, shuffling to the sink. I turned on the water and let it flow over my hand until it warmed my skin. Such an amazing thing, warm water deep inside the building with no sign of a fire anywhere. I’d seen so many wonderful things here, things I’d never imagined possible. What good was any of it?

“Master Anders wishes to meet the man who attempted to stop the escape.”

I held my breath to hide my surprise and splashed the water on my face. I wet a small cloth and used it to wash under my arms, feeling my hands shake. It didn’t seem possible Anders would want to congratulate me.

“I really did nothing. He should talk to Tiber,” I mumbled.

“I’m sure he has.”

***

I accompanied the Reticent to a chamber I’d never been to before. I recognized it as an elevator, but it was smaller than the ones we recruits normally used. Inside, the walls were padded with dark leather, and the lighting was subdued like candlelight. We stood in the elevator for a long time moving silently up or down, I didn’t know which. My mind was too busy worrying over the tale I’d tell Anders. What had Tiber already told him? I’m sure Tiber would make up all kinds of lies given the opportunity. He might’ve even told the truth, but did he know the truth? That I’d let Stef escape?

When the elevator doors finally opened, it was clear we’d traveled upwards. Sunlight streamed into the enormous room through the huge windows that lined three sides. Outside was a view of the forest I’d never seen except in the daily downloads. We were many stories higher than the trees, and in the distance was a range of jagged mountaintops. If the room hadn’t been crowded with red robes, those mountains would’ve drawn me in immediately. A white dusting of snow laced the peaks, a reminder of the coming winter. But more than that, they reminded me of the stories I’d told Alana of a special place in the far away mountains of the East. The look on her face, the hope that such a place might be real, made me want to believe the lie myself.

Quickly the red robes came into focus. They milled about in small groups, hoods off in casual conversations. My companion led me through the throng of red robes to a group of men seated on what looked like thrones above us.

“This is Recks, Master Anders. I’ve brought him as requested.”

Anders nodded. “So you have. Thank you.”

Dismissed, the Reticent bowed and left me to face Anders alone. His watery eyes traveled over me. My chin jutted out. I refused to let him see my fear.

“Please be seated with Recruit Tiber,” he said, gesturing to where Tiber knelt on the floor in front of him. I sank down on the cushion next to Tiber, who glared at the floor as if he hated it more than anything in the world. He didn’t look up at me at all. Instead, he shook in frustration, his fists clenched. Perhaps his chip was administering discipline? It was the only explanation for his strange posture. A single drop of blood fell from his nose onto the shiny marble floor.

Anders pretended not to notice Tiber’s discomfort. In fact, he seemed relaxed and pleased with the company of the Reticents around him. Someone served Anders a glass of wine. While I waited for him to address me, I counted eight men on elevated seats, three to his left and four to his right. Who were these people?

“We haven’t properly met,” said Anders after he sipped his wine. The drink stained the cracks in his wrinkled lips purple-red. “I’m Master Anders, leader of the Reticents and your spiritual guide.”

“Spiritual?” I was immediately sorry I’d said anything. All the teachings I’d received thus far suggested there was no spiritual world outside of our own. Mother Sun had no cognizance as the others were taught.

“Of course. All beings have a spirit. Have you not been taught this?”

Was this a test? I knew I’d never been taught this in the downloads. They were all science. He must know that. Too confused to lie, I answered truthfully.

“No.”

Anders looked surprised at my answer. “Who is your instructor?”

“Master Bane,” I admitted, hoping I hadn’t said the wrong thing.

“Bane? Where’s Bane?” Anders searched the crowd, which had quieted by now listening to my audience. Some of the red robes shuffled aside and Master Bane stepped forward.

“I’m here, Master Anders,” he said with no hesitation. He stood beside me. Even Tiber turned his bug-eyes a bit to see Bane, but his posture never changed. Having Bane next to me calmed my nerves.

“You haven’t instructed young Recks in matters of the spirit?”

“We have yet to reach that module, Master Anders.”

“Surely he can handle it?”

“Yes, Master, but his co-student cannot process the information as quickly, and I didn’t want to risk confoundment.”

“No student should be permitted to hold another back. Separate them.”

“Yes, Master.” Bane bowed and stepped back. So I wasn’t to be punished. I still couldn’t relax. Why was Tiber here? What had happened before my arrival? It was all I could do to keep from staring at Tiber, who could never be quiet this long unless something was terribly wrong.

“They tell me you were involved in the escape attempt the other day,” said Anders in a tone that wondered at the truth. This time, I was wise enough not to answer and risk incriminating myself. Tiber had obviously told a tale and been punished for it. Who knew what the Masters had seen?

“You and Recruit Tiber tried to stop the poor girl from making a grave mistake. I wonder, how is it that such a tiny girl escaped from two strong, healthy young men? It seems so very unlikely.”

I felt like a fish being baited. Anders wanted to know if I’d bite. If I did, he’d reel me in for dinner, I was sure. He even smiled a little, enjoying teasing me. My instinct told me to stay silent. Trying to outwit him would be impossible.

“Recruit Tiber here told us you were trying to escape as well. He’s being punished for his lies.”

“No, Master,” I said.

“No?”

“I tried to stop her without hurting her.” That was the truth, at least part of it.

“You showed her mercy.”

“I tried.” I bowed my head, ready for my punishment. Being merciful didn’t seem to be a Reticent value. For a very long moment nothing happened. I’m not even sure I took a breath as I steeled myself for more pain that never came. Finally, Anders broke the silence.

“You are young and still new to our ways. You’ll learn. She did not escape, so no harm was done.”

My eyes flew open at that news. No escape. Where was she?

“Perhaps the two of you should help with the young lady’s Cleansing?”

I felt myself recoil, my nostrils flare at the horrible thought, but I fought my instincts and stayed quiet.

The punishment Tiber suffered must have ended then because he was able to press his palms to the floor and take a deep, choking breath. He coughed hard, the only sound in the room now.

“Yes, I think that’s a capital idea,” said Anders, agreeing with himself. “Let’s plan on that.”

Anders got up from his throne as the other red robes applauded his decision. The other enthroned Reticents stood as well and the quiet in the room vanished as everyone returned to their conversations. Anders walked up to me. His extreme height forced me to lift my chin to look him in the eye.

“Consider it an important step in your educational journey. Bane will return you both to your quarters,” he said. “See you soon.”

And then he and his entourage were gone, swallowed by the crowd of red figures. As I watched them go, I noticed one with a familiar posture, a hobbling gait. I reached for his arm, and the man gave me a stony glare that said, Don’t.

It was Kinder.

At night I slept in fits, awake half the night and nightmares the other half. One night, I awoke to something more disturbing than my dreams. A sudden pressure over my mouth was too much for me to breathe and I gasped for air.

“Be quiet!” a low voice hissed near my face. A candle by my bed was the only light in the room. I grasped the stranger’s wrists to pull them away.

“Make a sound and we’re both dead,” the man warned.

“Who are you?” I demanded.

“Have I changed so much that you don’t know me?”

My eyes worked to focus in the gloomy light.

“Kinder?”

He relaxed his grip on me. “One and the same.”

“How are you here? We took you for dead,” I sputtered.

“And yet I live like a cat that can’t be killed or caught.”

“Except that you’re caught this time. There’s no escaping this place.”

“For you perhaps. Not for me.”

“Then why haven’t you left? Haven’t you learned what you wanted to know? Like just how brutal the Reticents are?”

“I’ve learned much in my time here, but there’s more. There’s a reason they call The Council of Eight the Secret Keepers.”

“Oh?”

“They hold a secret far more dear than anything you’ve been taught so far. A secret of great power to preserve or destroy. I must know what it is.”

I flopped back down on my pillow. Kinder and his insatiable need to know everything hadn’t changed at all.

“Good luck with that,” I said.

“There’s one thing. I need your help.”

“Absolutely not.” Kinder had gotten me into enough trouble. I didn’t need more. “I’m just a storyteller, remember? A thief. Not a tinkerer.”

“But you must!”

“No. The last time I tried to help someone, they were sentenced to death. That’s how much good it does.”

Kinder’s eyes flickered away from my face to the floor for a moment.

“Would you do it for Alana?” His blue eyes burned into me again.

“I don’t think she’s here anymore.” I didn’t want Kinder to see my excitement or hear my heartbeat quicken at the sound of her name. He knew something, but would he tell me?

“I haven’t seen her for weeks,” I added.

“She isn’t gone. They keep you separate from many of the recruits.”

“Why?”

“Bane hasn’t told you? About why you received an audience with Anders?”

“No. He’s said nothing of Anders. Not even when I’m supposed to attend the Cleansing with him.”

Kinder sucked in a breath as if to speak but hesitated.

“Do you know something?”

“That I do. I’d tell you, but I need your word you’ll help me.”

“Why should I believe anything you say, Kinder? Have you told me the truth once since I’ve known you? For all I know, you’ve been a Reticent all along, even though it makes no sense at all. None of this makes any sense.”

“It may be true, Recks, that I’ve been less than honest with you, but I have my reasons.”

“Well then, you’ll excuse me if I decline your offer. I have no interest in what the Reticents have prepared for me.” Again, I tried to imagine how I could save Stef or escape during the Cleansing.

“You have to help me. This is bigger than all of us, Recks. Once we have their secret, we can free everyone.”

I closed my eyes.

“There must be something you want?” he added.

“Prove to me you’re telling the truth. Let me see Alana. Then I’ll decide whether to help you or not.”

“That could be difficult.”

“Everything here is difficult. Find a way or don’t expect my help.”

Kinder rubbed his stubbly chin and considered what I’d said. “Where are you allowed to go?”

“The mess hall, the corridors between here and there, and my classroom. Some days the gymnasium.” My leash had become very short indeed.

“Ask Bane if you can visit the library tomorrow.”

“Library? What’s that?”

“It’s a repository for books, knowledge and the like.”

“Where is it?”

“It’s in the tower not far from the room where you had your audience.”

“Bane’s never spoken of it. How am I supposed to explain how I know of it?”

“I don’t know. Recruits talk. Tell him someone mentioned it and you want to see it. Believe me, you really do want to see it. It’s the largest collection of books in the western hemisphere.”

“Okay, so say Bane lets me go or takes me there. Then what?”

“That’s where you’ll see Alana, but whatever you do, for pity’s sake, don’t speak to her. You nearly ruined everything that day in the gym.”

“How do you know she’ll be there?”

“That’s where she works, with me.”

“With you?”

“It was my idea. They needed a place to put her. Make another scene and they’ll want to remove her permanently.” Kinder raised his crooked index finger to make a point.

“But why? What do they care?”

“Men and women are not allowed friendships here. Not at your level. It causes undue complications and escape attempts. You betrayed feelings for Alana that day. You mustn’t let it happen again.”

“Betrayed feelings? Does no one have the slightest sense of sympathy for someone in pain here?” I already knew the answer to the question. Anders had hinted at it days before. Feeling someone else’s pain was a weakness, something to be hidden away. And that was something I was supposed to be learning how to do.

“All I’m saying is if you do, you’ll regret it.”

Kinder’s eyes bored into me the way only his could to make his point. I believed him. I knew what Anders was capable of. I’d have to be satisfied with just seeing Alana. I’d figure out the rest later.

“All right,” I said. “Agreed.”

“And then you’ll help me?”

“And then we’ll see.”

“Your word, Recks, or I’ll personally see to it that you never see Alana again,” he spat. The ropy veins in his neck stood out as he squeezed my arm. I’d never known Kinder to threaten me. I tried to pull away, but his bony fingers dug into my skin.

“It’s important, Recks. So very, very critical … ”

Frightened at his behavior, I relented.

“All right, all right. I give you my word. I’ll help you find your precious secret when I see her for myself.”

Gaining permission from Master Bane was far easier than I anticipated. I took twice as many downloads since I’d been separated from Shim. I suppose he thought I needed a break. He even let me ride up in the leather-padded elevator by myself. The door stopped at level eleven, and I stepped out into the library. This time, the windows framing the snowy mountain were all around me. People sat in chairs reading books; some perused long stacks of books that stretched on forever. I never thought I’d see so many volumes in one place, let alone a place kept by the Reticents.

The walls were completely glass; no wood or concrete blocked the view. Outside, huge flakes of snow drifted silently to the earth, glinting in the pink glow of Mother’s Love rippling across the sky. The world was entirely covered in snow. It felt like ages since I’d been outside. I felt disconnected and off-kilter. I leaned my forehead against the glass and looked eleven stories down.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

I lifted my head off the glass and turned to face Kinder, who looked at me more like a kindly old grandfather than last night. Before I answered, he spoke again, grasping my hand warmly.

“You must be new to the library. I’m Master Kinder. Let me show you around.”

“Okay … ”

“And what is your name, young recruit?”

I understood now, he wanted me to play along. We were supposed to be strangers.

“I’m Recks.”

He shook my hand. “Ah, well it’s very nice to meet you, Recks. What brings you here? Anything in particular you want to research?”

“I think you know the answer to that.”

A split second of anger flashed in his eyes and was gone instantly. “I’ll show you the catalog first. Everyone enjoys that. Come,” he said, walking away.

I followed him, but I searched for Alana down the rows and rows of books encased in hard, clear plastic.

“Every volume is kept in its own sealed container, which is adjusted to its own ideal humidity level. It also holds the cataloging data that makes the volume instantly locatable,” said Kinder. I only half listened to him, annoyed he took what seemed to be the long way around. I wasn’t that interested in the catalog. All this information was in the digital downloads anyway, wasn’t it? Kinder ignored me ignoring him and continued to talk, walking slowly through the stacks to annoy me, I’m sure.

“The catalog is also a security system. Some books are low security, available to anyone. Others are more … sensitive.”

“Sensitive?”

“Some hold closely guarded secrets of the Reticents. Special permission is required to access them.” That piqued my interest.

“Are you saying there are new books written by Reticents?”

“Oh yes, the Reticents have not only preserved science, they practice it and preserve their discoveries.”

“What fields of science do they practice?”

“That is not for me to say, Recruit Recks. Should you ever ascend to the highest ranks, you may be privileged to learn for yourself.”

“Do you know, Master Kinder?”

Kinder considered my question for a moment.

“I know some things—I daresay, many things—but I don’t know all.”

“How long have you been here?” I wondered if he would tell me the truth.

“Long enough,” was all he said. “Here we are … the catalog.”

As we turned the corner, Kinder gestured down the aisle. I followed his extended hand with my eyes. A slim figure clad in black stood in front of a wide glass panel, tapping on the liquid crystal display in various places. Deep in concentration, she never looked up. The curves of her body told me she was female, but I’d never seen Alana dressed this way. Her hair was still short, so it looked wrong to me.

“Is that … ?”

“Yes … the fastest super computer the Reticents own,” said Kinder.

“What’s she doing?” I heard myself whisper.

“She assists me in keeping the records up to date. She’s probably entering some new documents into the catalog.”

“I want to talk to her,” I said, stepping forward. Kinder stepped in my way.

“Did you forget your promise to me so soon?” he said.

I tore my eyes away from her and looked at Kinder’s face, his eyes narrowing at me.

“When can I speak to her?” I asked.

“Possibly never.”

Now it was my turn to be angry.

“Unless, of course, you can help me with my errand,” suggested Kinder.

I glanced back at Alana, wanting more than anything to be close to her again.

“Okay,” I relented. “What do you want me to do?”

I reluctantly followed Kinder away from Alana to the back of the library where he opened a door with an electronic code. The door slid open without a sound and we stepped inside. Once it closed, Kinder dropped the kindly librarian act, speaking in a hushed, urgent voice.

“By now, even you must have noticed there’s an energy source in this compound none of us have ever seen,” he said.

“Of course I’ve noticed.”

“It’s not just any source like coal or wood burning. It’s what the previous world called ‘nuclear’ before the Dark Time.”

“Nuclear? I’ve never heard of it.”

“Not surprising since they keep it quiet. They don’t download that knowledge to just anyone and certainly not to recruits.”

“So what is it?”

“Nuclear is an extremely powerful and potentially dangerous source of energy. Properly harnessed, it provides thousands of hours of electricity, but there are other, more sinister uses as well.”

“Where does it come from?”

“It comes from the splitting of atoms. Somewhere in this compound is a particle accelerator, but I haven’t been able to locate it.”

“What makes you think I can find it when you haven’t been able to?”

“Because, my dear Recks, I no longer possess your strength or agility. There are passageways in this building I cannot negotiate, but you could. I’ll show you how to get in and you can search for the accelerator.”

“This building is huge. That could take forever. I don’t even know what this thing looks like.”

“You won’t need to search every inch. I’ve narrowed it down quite a bit already. As for how it looks, you’ll know when you see it.”

“So I find this thing for you. Then what?”

“It depends on the plans the Reticents have for it.”

“Plans?”

“Remember I said it could be used for sinister purposes?”

“Yes, Mas—” It seemed strange to call him Master.

“I’m afraid they intend to use it against other nations.”

“How do you use a power source against someone?”

Kinder frowned. “How many history downloads have you had?” he asked. “Have you learned of the World Wars?”

“No,” I admitted. It felt like I’d downloaded so much, and yet Kinder was constantly bringing up things I knew nothing about. I must’ve known less than nothing before.

“Bane must be keeping you in the dark for some reason. I’ll find a way to get you some extra downloads, teach you a thing or two so you know what we’re up against.”

“We? Does this really have to include me?”

“Only if you want to get out of here.”

“There’s no way out of here. Not with these stupid computer chips in our heads. You don’t have one?”

“Oh, I have one all right. We all do, but there are ways around them.”

Kinder sat down at a computer console and began typing away at the keyboard. Almost immediately, I received the download. My knees buckled, and I slipped into the nearest seat to keep from falling down.

“You could have warned me,” I mumbled.

“Just a short one. You need to know. When it’s finished, return to your quarters. I’ll contact you again later.”

I hardly noticed Kinder leaving the room as the download took over my consciousness. It showed me a war and a civilization called Japan. Another country annihilated two Japanese cities with nuclear weapons. Survivors wandered, dazed and burned, through my mind. Their eyes haunted me. They had Alana’s eyes. My eyes. Did Kinder believe the Reticents would do such a thing with their energy source?

***

“Recks?” a soft voice roused me. It was hers.

“Alana … I had the craziest dream. We were captured. They cut your hair.” I reached for her curtain of black hair but touched only her shoulder.

“It wasn’t a dream, Recks.”

“Huh?” My eyes flew open as I started upright. Her scar, fully visible now that she couldn’t hide it with her hair, trailed across her face like the roots of a tree. She held her head in a bowed position, a habit learned and practiced for way too many years.

“Seems like I’m always waking you up,” she teased.

I straightened myself in the chair and looked around. “Am I still in the library?” I rubbed my eyes.

“Yes. Kinder’s gone for the moment.”

Suddenly, I realized I was with Alana again after all this time. I wrapped my arms around her in an awkward hug. I felt her stiffen and then relax. I let her go quickly, not wanting to make her any more uncomfortable than I already had. She was still like a wild animal, timid and wary of anyone.

“I didn’t know if I’d see you again,” I tried to explain.

“Are you all right?” she asked. I’d been injured the last time she saw me.

“Yes, my arm’s better. Now if I could get this thing out of my head.” I felt the back of my neck like I’d done a thousand times before. “How are you?” I asked her. “Are you all right?”

Alana hesitated.

“What is it?”

“Is Kinder your friend?”

“I wouldn’t say that. At this point, you’re the only true friend I have in the world. Has he done something to you?” I felt a panicked anger in my chest at the thought.

“He’s made me the Vessel.”

“Vessel? Vessel for what?”

“I’m the repository for the knowledge Kinder wishes to steal from the Reticents. He’s given me more memory than the average recruit.”

“Why?”

A purple light glowed on Alana’s wristband. She pulled away from me. It was only then I realized I’d been holding her hands, or she’d been holding mine.

“He’s looking for me. I must go.”

“Wait … I want to see you again.”

“I’ll find you,” she promised as she slipped out the door, taking my heart with her like she did every time she left.

Alana came to me in my room a few nights later while I slept. I awoke to see her standing by my bed in her red robe, the room only lit by candlelight. She let the robe fall off her shoulders, and I caught my breath. She was naked except for the standard-issue red shorts we all wore. She pulled back the covers of my bed and climbed in next to me. Her skin was icy, her nipples hard against me. I touched her head, her short hair.

“I was wrong about your hair. No one could ever mistake you for a boy,” I whispered, pulling her closer to touch her face with my lips.

Her hands traveled down my body and touched me in ways no woman ever had, setting every cell in me on fire. I kissed her face, her trembling lips, and felt the wetness of tears there. I lifted her chin, but she wouldn’t look me in the eye.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked.

“Isn’t this what all men want?”

“Stop.”

With great difficulty, I pulled her hands away from me and folded them against her chest. I didn’t want her to stop touching me but something about it was wrong. She looked into my eyes now, confused.

“I’ve never been with a man like you.” She reached out to touch my chin, running her finger over the short stubble there.

“Has anyone ever loved you, Alana?”

“I don’t think so.”

Her answer only made me hold her tighter. It wasn’t right what the world had done to this human being. Could it ever be fixed?

“Tell me a story,” she said.

“What about?” I was so caught up in her smell, like the scent of a rare spice in a faraway market, my mind was blank. She was warm and soft against me.

“Has anyone ever loved you?” she asked.

“Once. Her name was Kara. We were six. She followed me around like a puppy, climbing trees just because I did. And she sneaked me sweets from her mother’s kitchen.”

Alana smiled at that, a glowing, beautiful smile I already knew I’d do anything to see; it was so rare. But there was something that’d been bothering me, and I had to know.

“What you said about Kinder making you the Vessel … What did you mean? Has he hurt you?”

“I knew Kinder was a Red Robe before we were caught.”

“You did?”

“I saw him in the street handing out bread. I ran to tell you, but you were already gone. That’s when they caught me.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“I suppose it was a good thing. Tiber’s tribe had me cornered. I think they might’ve killed me given the chance.”

I knew I disliked Tiber, but I didn’t know it was possible to hate him even more. I felt my jaw harden.

“But Kinder?”

“He’s never touched me unless you count the downloads.”

“What do you mean?”

“Kinder’s been downloading every scrap of information he can lay his hands on for awhile, intending to carry it out with him in his head. But it occurred to him, with his age and injuries, he might not be able to get away. I became the backup plan. He calls me the ‘Vessel’ to carry knowledge to the rest of the world.”

I thought of the downloads I’d experienced and winced. “Then he has hurt you.”

“It’s not so bad. I’ve adjusted. Kinder says my mind was remarkably clean before, so it accepts new data readily. And I know so much now.”

“You know about nuclear then?”

“Yes.”

“And what he wants me to do?”

“Yes. He was thinking of sending me, but he doesn’t want to risk all the effort he’s put into programming me. He was excited when you came. He knew you were someone he could trust.”

“If I don’t kill him first.”

“Recks, this is our only way out of here. Kinder has a plan.”

“Yes, I’m sure he does, and I’m sure he wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice whomever he has to.”

“Kinder will sacrifice himself before any harm comes to me. I know that for certain. He actually speaks sometimes as though he knows he’s not coming with me.”

“And what about me? I’m nothing but a useful pawn to him.” The statement stung me as I said it, as if I hadn’t realized before how much I wanted his approval, perhaps even affection.

“I won’t leave without you, Recks. If Kinder expects me to carry his precious data to the world, he’ll have to find a way to send you with me.”

“You would do that for me?”

“What I feel for you, I’d die without it now. I wanted to die when I thought you were gone.”

Her lips found mine in a tender, urgent kiss, sending sparks through me again.

“You can’t think like that, Alana. If anything happens to Kinder or me you have to keep going. You have to survive.”

She only answered me with another kiss, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive without her either.

***

Kinder let us go on like that for a few blissful nights. He hacked the electronic door locks and could open any lock in the compound remotely. Each night, Alana climbed into bed with me and we’d talk until the wee hours. I stroked her bobbed hair, trying to remember how long it was when I’d bundled it up and buried it beneath a hat.

“I’m sorry they cut your hair. It must have been hard for you,” I told her.

“It was at first, but no one cares what I look like here. It’s nice not to have to hide anymore. And it will grow, right?”

“Yes,” I said, intrigued by this new Alana that seemed to emerge from her darkness a little more each day.

“Tell me a story,” she said, like she did every night now.

“Another one?”

“Yes, another!” she cried.

I nestled my face in the crook of her neck. “Once there was a beautiful girl who never let anyone sleep,” I sighed.

“You wish me to leave?” She tried to sit up.

“No!” I said, squeezing her in my arms. “I just can’t seem to keep my eyes open.”

“How about I tell you a story?” she suggested.

“If I can close my eyes while you tell it that would be lovely.”

She drew a soft hand over my face, closing my eyes. “Kinder sent a message with me,” she said, almost like an apology.

I sighed heavily again. Kinder’s plans always seemed to mean trouble for me. “I should have known he’d eventually make me pay for all this time alone with you.”

“Do you regret—”

I cut her off. “Not for a second. I’d do far more to be with you.” I kissed her lips to stop her senseless words. Maybe if I kissed her enough all this talk would fade away, but she continued.

“I’ll bring you the supplies you need. Kinder will disable the locks at precisely one minute after midnight. Each night you’ll search a different level of the compound. Kinder’s searched most of the upper levels. He needs your help with the lower ones.”

“Do you trust him? How do we know he isn’t one of them?”

“I don’t believe he’s a Reticent, or ever has been. He’s just been very adept at gaining their trust.”

“And your trust?” I looked deep into her eyes, so like my own.

“I trust him to get us out of here. He knows their weaknesses. And he has no love for their brand of control.”

I had to agree with her there.

Over the next few nights, Alana brought me all manner of things—maps of duct systems, self-contained torches powered by battery, and communication radios, also powered by simple batteries Kinder had built himself with bits of copper. Really quite ingenious. Last she brought the signal devices, small, black squares of plastic. They were just the sort of things that would get a commoner burned for heresy. They had “Kinder” written all over them.

“He wants you to place one of these on each level you visit and anywhere you suspect the Reticents are making power,” Alana told me.

“What do they do?” I asked, turning one over in my hand. It was only about the size of a fortune teller’s card deck.

“I’m not sure exactly. They collect data of some sort. They’ll link back to Kinder’s computer.”

“When is all this snooping to start?”

“Tomorrow night. Are you ready?”

“I guess I’ll have to be.”

Alana smiled and gave me a warm hug. “I’ll be with you every step.”

Kinder’s hunches proved to be just that—hunches. He’d picked about here and there, but he hadn’t crawled through the vent system on his hands and knees for hours like I was now. After the first few tries, I insisted he get me some kneepads. Each time, I went further into the underground facility. There were storerooms, server rooms, even rooms where recruits made our clothing and other goods.

The deeper levels looked like mines from the Dark Days with rock caverns big enough to drive a truck through. Indeed, there were tractors and trucks mining ore. Of course, there were no ducts on those levels. I had to use the elevators, or worse, stairs.

Access to the stairs was hidden, but Kinder discovered it while studying the building plans he unearthed in the library. I did most of my exploring at night, which was beginning to interfere with my sleep. Even on the nights Alana visited me, I hardly stayed awake, but even sleeping next to her made me happy. Maybe I didn’t care if I ever found the power source. I was beginning to think it didn’t exist.

Now I crawled through a vent I was fairly certain I hadn’t noticed before on sub-level thirteen. After a short scramble, I approached an opening where I found myself looking down on an enormous pool of blue-green water. Never having seen a body of water in the compound before, I was intrigued. I hovered there a few minutes, watching the water for any sign of movement, holding my breath. Nothing stirred. I could hear Kinder’s usual warning in my head: “Haste makes waste.”

No one was there, just a low mechanical hum issuing from somewhere. Thinking it would definitely be of interest to Kinder, I stuck one of his monitors on the wall of the vent. I’d been leaving them everywhere I went for him to receive signals from, and they functioned as a sort of a sign to myself of which vents I’d already been through.

I was way too high to get down from the vent, so I shimmied further along the ceiling of the room. I tamped down the excitement thumping in my chest. I reasoned that it could be nothing at all. Perhaps it was an underground aquaculture farm of some sort but I knew there weren’t any fish in that water. I needed a closer look to be sure.

I reached the wall and discovered the vent took a ninety-degree turn downward. I knew from hours in this ventilation system that there’d be an opening at the bottom. I pushed my back against one side and braced myself against the other so I could control my descent. The technique worked well for vertical shafts.

At the bottom, I waited again, watching though the vent for any sign of movement. Fluorescent light flooded the room, brighter than most of the empty rooms in the compound. It glowed an unnatural blue color, cold like the snow that covered the mountains now.

I carefully detached the grate and slipped into the room. A sharp smell I didn’t recognize stung my nose and tears sprang from my eyes. What was this place?

I rubbed my stinging eyes, my back up against the wall. To my right was a large window that opened into another room. From where I stood plastered against the wall I couldn’t see if anyone was watching through the window. There was still no sound but the hum.

I leaned forward slightly, seeing without being seen. The room, a control room of some kind illuminated with panels of multicolored lights, appeared empty. I leaned forward a little further to get a better view. Inside at one of the consoles was a technician very much absorbed in tapping his computer screen almost frantically.

“I don’t know why,” he said loud enough for me to hear through the glass. “The temperature’s gone up two degrees in the last four minutes. It’s like someone’s inside the room.”

I sucked in my breath and pressed into the wall again. They knew something was wrong. I’d upset some balance by being there. It had to be the place Kinder was looking for.

I inched my way back toward the vent. Before I could squeeze myself inside, the door opened and someone in a space suit emerged. At least it looked kind of like the space suits I’d seen on my downloads of human history. I froze in place. The person in the suit lumbered forward with an awkward gait caused by the stiff material he wore. He walked straight toward the pool. His hood must have blocked his vision. He focused on the pool and a gauge of some kind he held in his hand.

I slipped out the open door, thinking it might be a quicker escape than the vent. The door slammed shut behind me, and I found myself in a tiny room with two doors. The closing of the door seemed to trigger a computer on the wall next to the door. All the lights turned red.

“Decontaminating in three … two … one,” a metallic voice coming from the ceiling said. The countdown panicked me. I jerked at the second door, but it was locked tight. A cool mist blasted out of the spigots in the ceiling, drenching me in some liquid too odd to be just water. It lasted only a few minutes and then stopped automatically. The lights turned green. I heard the lock on the door move. Trying it again, the handle moved easily. I opened it, half expecting to be met by Reticents ready to zap me. The door opened, not into the control room as I feared, but into a locker room.

I bolted out into a corridor and ran without any idea of where I went. I needed to find the stairs to get off this level. Hearing the sound of many footsteps coming toward me, I knew I needed to hide again. I was wet and smelled like the muskrat I used to catch when there was nothing else to eat—not an easy thing to hide. The first couple door handles were locked, but I finally found an unlocked door and tucked myself inside the darkness.

Hunkered there listening for the sound of boots outside in the hall, my chest heaved, and my lungs burned. I felt myself close to blacking out. I fumbled for the radio Alana had given me which was strapped underneath my shirt and ripped off my hood in an effort to breathe easier. Finding it, I pressed the button and struggled to speak.

“Alana?” My breath was barely a whisper. With no air getting into my lungs, I couldn’t have gone any farther if I’d wanted to. She answered as if she had been waiting for me all along.

“Recks? What is it?”

I gasped for breath. “I’m lost … and I think I’m sick. I can’t breathe right.”

“Are you safe? Can you rest a minute?”

“I think so. I found this weird room with a pool, but it made me sick. I had to leave a different way, and now I have no idea where I am.” I tried not to let my panic affect my voice, but continued gasping between words.

“Okay, calm down and let’s think this through,” she said.

“I can’t … ”

Alana didn’t answer. Instead, she sang a low, sweet song, the words of which I didn’t understand, like some lullaby I’d heard long ago and had since forgotten. I closed my eyes and focused only on the song and the sound of her gentle voice until all I imagined was her face. I felt my heart finally slow.

“Recks? Are you still there?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“When you left here, you went to the twelfth level, right?”

“No, I entered the vent on the thirteenth. I went down one more. I must be on level fourteen.”

“Hang on. Let me open up the plans,” she said. Just hearing her voice made me feel better. My head ached, but my tears washed the sting from my eyes finally.

“Level fourteen’s shaped like the English letter E, a main corridor with three wings off of it.”

“Okay.” My mind whirled again.

“Did you come to any intersections?”

“I think so. One maybe.”

“There’s stairway access at either end of the main corridor. Find a ninety-degree turn, and it should be there.”

Stairs were hidden in corners, but the access doors weren’t always obvious. The latch could be in the corner itself.

“If I get caught … ”

“You won’t get caught, Recks.” She didn’t want to consider the possibility.

“Listen … tell Kinder there’s a pool on level fourteen that looks like a spent rod cooling pool. The power source has got to be on this level.”

“Okay, but you can tell him yourself because you’re coming back.”

I gave up arguing. If it made her feel better, I’d tell her whatever she wanted to hear. “I’ll contact you soon.”

“Hurry back.”

“I will,” I promised her before I shut off the device. Which way had I been going before I stumbled into this closet? I balled my fists and pressed them into my forehead, willing myself to think, to focus, and to get it together. I opened my eyes and listened for noises outside, opening the door a crack.

The light flooded in from the hallway and blinded my over-dilated eyes at first. The hall was empty, so I eased out of my hiding spot and let the door shut softly behind me. My legs, stiff from all the crouching, refused to move at first, and my steps were jerky. Noises from down the corridor got me going faster as adrenalin shot through me once more. I raced by several doors to get to the end of the hall. The lighting was dim, like all the other corridors in the compound, but the corner was in sight. Not surprisingly, the door handle was nowhere to be found. I dug my fingers into the corner, feeling for a latch or a button—anything that might release the door to the stairs. Wearing black helped me blend into the shadowy corners, but I couldn’t risk letting anyone get close enough to see me.

Urgent voices echoed down the corridor, growing louder. My time was running out. Just as my fingers slid into the invisible slot that opened the door, someone grabbed me from behind. I swung around and smacked him hard with the back of my elbow, stunning him. I hit him again to be sure he was knocked out. The fool should have zapped me when he had the chance. Now he lay in the doorway. If I left him there, they’d know I was in the stairwell. Time was out. There was no moving him.

I ran back down the corridor, hoping I could reach the other stairwell before the alarm went up. Alarm … that was it. I’d seen a fire alarm on the wall. Where was it? There!

I ripped off the plastic cover and pulled the lever as I ran by. Nothing happened. Behind me, I heard the others discovering the unconscious man in the doorway to the stairwell. I did my best to run softly, to fade into the shadows. I pulled the next fire alarm I saw, and this time it went off. A high-pitched siren screamed in my ears. As I reached the far end of the hall and dug my fingers into the corner to open the stairwell door, sprinklers on the ceiling unleashed a shower of water on the hallway. I pulled the door shut behind me and climbed for my life.

The next day, I rounded the corner to my download classroom bursting with questions for Master Bane. His usual sunny smile was gone. Something was wrong. I quickly realized there were two others in the room. Waiting for me in the shadows was Master Anders and recruit Tiber. My heart stopped. Did Anders know where I’d been? Why was he here today? I stopped next to Master Bane like I always did.

“Good morning, Master,” I said, hiding my nervousness well enough. Composure was a skill this place had taught me quite well.

“Good morning, Recruit. We have visitors this morning, as you can see.” Bane gestured to Anders who nodded in recognition.

“Master Anders,” I said, my voice falling. This must be about the Cleansing, something I’d been dreading. Before he spoke, Bane cut in.

“Are you sure about this, Master Anders? We’ve been making such good progress in the last few weeks … ”

What was he talking about?

“Your efforts haven’t gone unnoticed, Bane. It is in no way a reflection upon you,” said Anders.

Bane bowed his head in acceptance.

“There are greater things in store for young Master Recks.” Anders smiled, an expression strangely devoid of joy that left me cold and uneasy.

“And Master Tiber,” he added and turned toward the other recruit behind him. I was confused.

“What’s going on?” I asked Bane.

“Master Anders will be your instructor now.” I heard the defeat in his voice. Bane’s face was so grim it made me wonder what he knew. Getting closer to Anders would thrill Kinder, but it wasn’t a place I wanted to be.

“It’s been so long since I’ve personally trained recruits myself,” said Anders. “This will be fun.”

Tiber must have finally learned some restraint, because he never moved a muscle. I couldn’t read him at all.

“Come,” said Anders. “Let me show you your new classroom.”

Anders swept past us out into the hall followed by Tiber, but I only looked at Bane. His face was an odd mixture of sadness and happiness.

“Goodbye, Master Bane.”

I hugged him, surprising us both a little. Even though he was a Reticent, he was the first true teacher I’d ever known. He hugged me back warmly.

“It will be all right, Recks. You’ll do great things. I know it.”

Looking into his eyes, I wondered if he had any idea of the kinds of things I might do. Kinder would have me bring about the downfall of the Reticents. Did Bane know?

I thanked him and followed my enemies out into the hall toward the next stage of my journey.

After an awkwardly silent ride in the elevator, the padded doors opened and we stepped into the library. Tiber looked around as though he’d never seen it before. I pretended to do the same, except I looked for the librarian and his assistant. Was this my new classroom? Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. Outside the huge glass windows, the forest lay cloaked in a blanket of snow glittering blue and green in Mother’s Love.

“Lovely, isn’t it?” said Anders. “This is the library, where we keep all knowledge in the known world. There are many volumes here, some hundreds of years old, saved from the Dark Times.”

“But the Cleansings?” Tiber spoke for the first time. “What books are those?”

“Mass produced fiction mostly. Lies. Stories of no consequence. All the true knowledge we keep.”

“Why burn books at all?” I said, knowing it was the wrong question to ask but asking it anyway. I was in no mood to back down today.

“Books have words, Recks. Words are knowledge. To understand words is to be knowledgeable and knowledge is power.”

“You want people to be powerless?” I tried hard to make my question sound harmless even though it made me angry to think it.

“Essentially, yes. Mother Sun blessed the Reticents with knowledge and power. Not all have or ever will attain her blessing.”

I followed them along the stacks of books. The librarians were nowhere to be seen. No one was. Anders opened one of the rooms Kinder had taken me to, private study rooms I guessed. This one was larger with several deep couches and its own bay of windows overlooking the forest. The glow of tiny fires in the distance caught my eye. Anders saw me looking.

“We’ll be paying a visit soon.”

“We will?” asked Tiber, joining me at the window.

“It’s almost time for the Cleansing.”

I felt myself cringe but reminded myself not to show it. Where was Stef?

“When will we go?” asked Tiber. The excitement in his voice sickened me.

“Within the week,” said Anders. “Now, take a seat.”

Anders talked at length before administering any downloads. Afterwards, he would quiz us, giving a shock if the answers were wrong or slow. Tiber got most of the punishment, thankfully, but it didn’t seem to faze him much. He just accepted it. Somehow, they’d broken him since I’d last seen him. I had no doubt he was still dangerous. Anders let us go by mid-afternoon with instructions to spend at least four hours in the library downloading whatever material we saw fit.

Kinder, the kindly librarian once again, guided Tiber to the history section, leaving me on my own. I wandered the stacks looking at the subjects—geography, biology, astrophysics. Could there really be no fiction here? No stories? How could the Reticents have been so foolish? Even I knew stories reflected what lay in peoples’ hearts. My former life as a storyteller taught me that much.

“Can I help you find something?” said a soft voice behind me I knew instantly.

“Alana.” I moved to embrace her, but she demurred and took my hands instead.

“Can I help you?” she asked again.

“Yes, I’m looking for fiction.”

That made her smile. She led me by the hand behind several stacks to a corner in the back of the library with windows on both sides. A storm was gathering over the forest and the distant purple mountains.

“The Reticents don’t typically preserve fiction, but I’ve found a few things. I keep them here.” Alana pointed to a shelf with maybe twenty books on it. She put one in my hand. “I enjoyed this one.”

“Anders says we’re going to do Stef’s Cleansing within the week.”

“Where?” she whispered.

“In a city to the west.”

Alana didn’t say anything, but I knew she felt the same horror I did. I looked at the book in my hands, opening to the first page. The title was Moby Dick written in a language called English.

“Recks, if you get the chance when you’re there, you should escape.”

“What?”

“It might be your best chance.”

“No. Not without you.”

“It doesn’t matter. There’re lots of places you could go. You could go to Lhasayushu.” Her smile was full of sadness.

“That’s not real. It’s just some story I made up.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t mean to lie.”

“It’s okay … I didn’t mind.”

She was in my arms now, close to my heart where I wanted to keep her always.

“Escaping without you wouldn’t mean freedom for me.” I smelled her hair, sweet like the honeysuckle of my dreams, and leaned to kiss her, but she moved away.

“Be sure to read the book tonight.”

“I can take it with me?”

“These aren’t in the catalog. They’re my secret.”

“I’ll do my best to keep it hidden then.”

I tucked the book into the inside pocket of my robe, which was useful for carrying all sorts of things. The English would take a bit longer to read. It wasn’t my best language. Perhaps it’d improve my skill. I liked Italian more. Languages could be downloaded, but they were still difficult to master without regular use. Even my native Cantonese was becoming foreign to me; I used it so little now.

“Recks!” whispered an urgent voice behind me. Kinder was agitated. “I might’ve known I’d find you two together, determined to ruin everything.”

I turned to look at Alana, but she’d disappeared.

“I have the downloads you need on nuclear,” he said. “Come into the study room.”

I followed him into the cozy room he’d taken me to on my first visit to the library. Shutting the door behind us, he must’ve felt safer because he yelled at me.

“This isn’t going to work if you get too attached to her!”

I didn’t bother telling him it was too late for that. “Why do you say that?”

“Loving her will only make letting her go more painful. You may not be able to, which could endanger her life and the mission.”

Maybe he was right. I knew I’d never willingly leave her again.

“I would never harm her, Kinder. You’ve got no cause to worry about that.”

Kinder eyed me for a moment. “That may be. Just don’t go thinking there’s a happily ever after there for you.”

I sighed. It was like arguing with a madman. “What downloads do you have for me?”

“Specifics on nuclear particle accelerators and nuclear weapons.”

I’d asked for them, needing to know what to look for. Kinder stacked the three cylinders on the table.

“There’s something else going on too.”

“A Cleansing, I know.”

“No, more than that. They’re making plans for something big. You’re going to be very close to Anders now. Keep your wits about you and your eyes open for anything.”

“Like what? What do you think they’re going to do?”

“I believe, but don’t know if it’s true—”

“What?”

“I believe they intend to incite a war.”

The terrible nuclear downloads were still fresh in my mind that night when I returned to my room. I tried to remember if I’d seen any centrifuges near the cooling pool. If I had, I hadn’t recognized them, but they must be there somewhere. Trying to relax, I opened Alana’s book. The words made no sense at first, and I remembered it was English. My thoughts were a jumble of the past and the future, and I struggled to read the yellowing first page of the book. The paper was soft as cloth between my fingertips. It made only the slightest scraping sound as I turned the page.

Call me Ishmael, it began and proceeded for several meandering pages of narrative about the sea until I noticed the tiny pencil marks under some of the letters, some of the lines no thicker than a hair. Looking closer, I realized the first few underlined letters spelled my name. She’d created a message for me, a letter of sorts. I dared not write it out on paper so I read it slowly.

Recks,

When you attend the Cleansing, there will be no way for Stef to escape. She won’t be strong enough by that time. Victims are kept barely alive, nearly starved before Cleansings so they cannot escape. But you can help Stef avoid the pain of Cleansing. You’ll be close enough to administer an analgesic with the prick of a pin unnoticed by anyone. I leave the decision entirely to you, but if you want this drug, mark your answer in this book and return it to me. I will get it for you. Alana

I dropped the book in my lap and rubbed my temples with both hands, as if pushing on my skull enough would remove all knowledge of this awful practice from my memory. How could I make such a decision? How could one person decide to kill another and then carry out the deed? Stef was completely inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. She was no threat to the Reticents. Nothing hinged on her membership or lack thereof. She could’ve easily fallen prey to street gangs had she escaped. Perhaps she was doomed either way? I could only do her this one favor now. I found a pencil and underlined the letters y… e… s… h… u… r… r… y.

I tucked the book back into the hidden pocket of my red robe hanging in the closet. I pulled my black hood on over my head. I had to go in search of the centrifuges to see if the Reticents were truly enriching uranium for weapons.

I watched the clock. It was two minutes until the appointed time when Kinder would shut off the tracking device on the chip in my head so I could move about the compound undetected.

Just after midnight, I stepped out of my room and headed toward the thirteenth sub-level. It was easy to avoid people at this time of night. Few were ever up. The stairwell that’d saved me the last time was locked tight. There was no opening the door this time. I’d have to go back into the vent system if I was going to get down there again.

As I scrunched myself into the hole in the wall, I wished I had a Geiger counter. I knew now that the burning in my eyes was probably from the radiation I’d been exposed to. Small doses wouldn’t harm me too much, but I had to be careful. Who knew how many times I’d have to go back? If I found the centrifuges that spun the uranium into weapons-grade material, we’d know for sure what the Reticents were capable of.

What that would mean, I didn’t really know. The Reticents were powerful already. Why would they fear any other nation enough to build these kinds of weapons? Weapons that could easily destroy the ones who wielded them were a fool’s errand. It seemed very simple to me. It was the height of arrogance to assume they could be controlled by a handful of men.

I inched past the stairwell and the cooling pools without bothering to look at them again. The centrifuges should be close by. The next room was too dark to see anything from the vent. I switched on my tiny flashlight, another gift from Alana, and directed the beam downward.

There they were, like rows and rows of short, round soldiers, the centrifuges gleaming in my light. I didn’t want to risk leaving the vent again, especially after my last escapade and knowing the stairs were locked now, so I lay there for awhile, letting my eyes get used to the darkness. I memorized every detail I could. I even tried to read the gauges on some of the closest ones, but the numbers didn’t mean much to me.

These devices made uranium truly deadly. I wondered if I shouldn’t destroy them now. No enrichment meant no bomb, but it’d take more than that. All knowledge of how to enrich uranium would have to disappear with them. Alana might be able to do it, or Kinder with his computer access, but I didn’t know what else the Reticents might have hidden away somewhere. The Council of Eight would have to be destroyed as well to wipe the knowledge out of existence.

I shook my head to rid myself of that thought. I was becoming more like them, controlling who had access to knowledge, and it disgusted me. How could I think like that? Kinder was right. The best way to bring down the Reticents was to expose their knowledge and end the secrets.

I was sweaty now and needed to move. I’d seen enough. Hopefully, it’d be enough for Kinder. I wanted to be done with sniffing around like a cockroach. I wanted to get away from this place, from Reticents and Kinder and downloads. It was too much.

Maybe nothing could stop them. If it wasn’t this group of power-hungry men, would it just be another? I’d seen enough of history to know wars and killing had always been commonplace. Maybe men would never change. The only thing that made this place bearable was being able to fall asleep in Alana’s arms, and the hope that we might someday be far away from it all.

The next morning, I left the mess hall early and made my way to the library. The only light was the rosy glow of Mother’s Love, a peachy-orange sky just before daybreak. I left the light off and padded back to Alana’s hidden fiction section in the far corner. I would’ve liked to read more of Moby Dick, but I needed to get my message to her quickly. I slipped the book out of my robe and set it softly on the shelf by the other volumes. I scanned the other titles—Pride and Prejudice, Fahrenheit 451, The Joy of Cooking.

“What are you doing there?” Tiber’s voice cracked the early morning stillness. I fought my urge to jump. Surprised as I was, I made myself turn slowly.

“Just looking for something in psychology.”

“Psychology is down a few rows,” he said, striding up to me. I hadn’t expected him to know that. He must be smarter than I thought. His eyes scanned the stacks in front of me.

“What the hell is this stuff?” he asked. He grabbed the cookbook off the shelf and flipped it open. My heart stopped with him so close to Alana’s message.

“Chicken pot pie? Why they keep some of this stuff, I’ll never understand.”

I smiled uneasily, but I forced it to look natural. Tiber’s jagged teeth always made him difficult to be around. He was like a wolf that might take a bite out of you at any moment.

The lights flickered on overhead, replacing the pink glow with a blue one.

“Anders must be here,” he said, tossing the book back on an empty shelf. Tiber hurried to the study room, not waiting for me. I stayed to catch my breath. I thought about putting the cookbook back, but I left it there so Alana might notice someone had been there.

***

That night, Alana came to me and slipped quietly into my bed.

“You came,” I whispered, pulling my blankets around her to warm her cold limbs.

“You said to hurry.”

“We’re going tomorrow.” Every time I thought of it, my stomach threatened to empty itself. “Did you bring it?”

“Yes.” She handed me a tiny box underneath the covers. “It’s a needle laced with the poison. You need only prick her arm with it.”

“Will it kill her?” I didn’t want to know, but it was important.

“No, but she won’t be able to feel anything.”

“Will she feel fear though?”

“The drug will dull her awareness.”

“Enough to forget her fear?”

“I don’t know for certain.”

I sighed. “I hope so.”

“It’s the best we can do.”

I shoved the box under my pillow and buried my face in her hair. It grew longer each day. I missed it more than she did now, even though her beauty was not diminished by the lack of it in any way.

“What did you do today?” I asked to get my mind off the Cleansing.

“Kinder finished my downloads today. He says the Vessel is filled. I think we’ll be leaving soon.”

“He never told me.”

Alana smoothed her hand gently over my forehead, down my nose, and across my lips.

“I’m not sure he knows where we’ll go. He knows I won’t leave you. Going in the dead of winter doesn’t seem wise … ”

“I wish we could go now, just you and me.”

“Go to Lhasayushu?” Alana smiled one of her rare smiles when she forgot herself and her imagined awkwardness, when she let herself feel happy.

“Yes, it’d be spring there already. The cherry trees would be blooming, all pink and buzzing with bees.”

“I wonder what cherries taste like. Sensations are the one thing downloads can’t teach you.”

“It’s a fruit like a tiny apple, but the flesh is red and so much juicier.”

Alana smiled a knowing look at me.

“Of course, you probably knew that,” I said.

“Do I seem smarter to you?”

“You were always smart, Alana. Smarter than me.”

“No.”

“Yes, much smarter. It’s no wonder Kinder made you the Vessel.”

“That was merely convenience.”

“He wouldn’t have picked you if you’d been a simpleton.”

“I might’ve been happier as a simpleton. This is a heavy load to bear.” Her smile faded. I caressed her forehead with my lips, pulling her closer to me.

“Don’t worry. I’ll help you bear it,” I said.

“I pray for your strength every day.”

***

In the gray light of dawn, Tiber and I followed Anders to a coach outside the compound. This one was nothing like what I’d arrived in months ago. Anders’s coach had cushy padded seats and heat that gushed from vents in the floor. The warmth felt good on my frozen toes but guilt kept me from enjoying it. I’m sure the coach behind ours wasn’t heated at all. I wondered if Stef would last the trip. I hoped they’d at least give her a blanket.

I dug my hands into my pockets, feeling for Alana’s needle, which was right where I’d left it stabbed into the thick wool seam at the bottom of my right pocket. She assured me the poison wouldn’t leave the tip of the needle until it met the warmth of someone’s flesh.

“Is it not toasty enough in the coach for you, Recks?” Anders teased.

I quickly placed my hands in my lap. “No, Master. It’s merely a habit. The coach is perfectly comfortable.”

“It’s a good thing you like to be warm. It gets quite toasty at these Cleansings.” He smiled at me as if we were going to a party. I did my best to smile back, although it sickened me to do so. The coach lurched forward unexpectedly, and I thought I might lose my breakfast.

“Have you done many Cleansings, Master Anders?” Tiber could hardly contain his excitement.

Anders settled back into his seat. “Oh certainly. Hundreds probably, but who’s keeping count? We did a lot more when I was younger. It isn’t as necessary these days.”

I bit the inside of my cheek and stared out the window, hoping Tiber would shut up. Instead, he kept on like a giddy little girl.

“Why do less now? It seems like such a useful tool.”

Anders laughed a little. I kept my eyes on the snowy forest.

“It can be, but one must be careful not to push people too far or they begin to feel oppressed. A little fear is a good thing, but too much fear can cause panic. It was necessary in the early days to bring the heretics back in line so the Reticents could rise above the fray. And there were a lot more heretics then too. We’ve snuffed out many of those. Now, our greatest threat appears to be other nations.”

My ears perked up at that, and I let my eyes turn back to Anders. Was this what Kinder had alluded to?

“Other nations? What other nations? Only the Reticents have achieved state-level society since the Dark Times,” said Tiber.

“We don’t believe that is entirely the case. When Mother Sun cleansed the world, there were pockets of humans that survived around the world. History has shown some of these civilizations were quite brutal. Reticent monks have traveled far and wide in recent years. Although they are far away, there are those that fancy themselves greater civilizations than our own.”

“But Mother Sun chose the Reticents alone to keep her secrets … ”

“That she did. We are the chosen few, and we shall always prevail.”

My curiosity drew me out of my silence. “Where are these other peoples, Master?”

“Far to the east, many months’ travel by horse.”

“So far away … they may never come here at all,” I reasoned.

“We aren’t convinced of that. Our Envoys suggest otherwise.”

“What have they heard?”

Anders looked hard at me, as if he suspected I was digging for information. I quickly tried to backtrack.

“I mean, they must’ve seen something to make them doubt the power of the Reticents. Are we somehow vulnerable?”

Maybe that made it worse because Anders’s face drew up in a pinched way.

“Vulnerable? No. We are the most powerful nation on Earth,” said Anders, although it didn’t look like the thought gave him any joy.

Tiber, still excited about burning things and less interested in imaginary countries he couldn’t conceive of, interrupted, much to my relief. I didn’t enjoy being the object of Anders’s annoyance.

“Where will the Cleansing be held today?” he asked.

I’d assumed we’d be going back to Tingrad, but it was not the case.

“We have half a day’s ride to Prague. The inhabitants call it Podge now since they know no better.”

Tiber snorted, but I failed to see what was so funny.

“We’ll be spending the night there in a lovely apartment overlooking the city.”

It occurred to me I was now the member of an Envoy like the one sent to murder Kinder and me many months ago. Every part of me longed to scream, “No!”

“The Cleansing will be tonight. Each of you will have a role to play. How you perform will have bearing on your status amongst the Reticents.”

Anders stared directly at me, as if I cared whether I had status amongst the Reticents or not. I’d rather be a prince among lepers. I nodded just to get those eyes off me.

In awhile, the chitchat died down. Anders dozed off. Tiber may have glared at me, but I paid him no mind. Instead, I watched the countryside outside the coach as it changed from forest to open grasslands with rolling hills and the occasional dilapidated farmhouse. I’d never been to Prague before, but I knew from the downloads that it was once a large, beautiful city on the banks of the Danube River. I wondered how many people lived there now, but mostly I imagined escaping.

All the scenarios I envisioned were only Alana and me, to hell with Kinder. What had he been doing all this time, pretending to be from the East when he was a Reticent all along? He wasn’t Anders’s friend, and he wasn’t mine. I half expected him to be gone with Alana when we got back from this errand. That was how little I trusted him. I’d found the centrifuges. He probably didn’t need me for anything else.

I didn’t want to think about him anymore, so I closed my eyes and imagined how Alana felt next to me, the sweet smell of her hair and the salty taste of her lips. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever known, and I had worked hard to memorize every part of her in case I ever lost her again. Her skin felt soft and smooth as the rose petals I’d once touched in a garden as a child, except for the uneven burn on one side of her face. Even that I loved. I loved the way her body fit into every part of me perfectly, as if we were made as one being. She was like no one else.

Anders was right about one thing, the apartment was lovely, but it was more like a palace. The windows faced west, giving us a view of the sunset over the ancient city while we ate a rather lavish meal of lamb and eggplant. The apartment was staffed by Reticents and appeared to be used quite often. I forced my food down without an appetite. I wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t lose it later. Mother’s Love flamed orange across the sky, more brilliant as the night closed in. How could I do this?

A growing terror crept into my skull and took root in my chest. Thankfully, Anders didn’t mention Stef during the meal. When he finished the last drop of his ruby wine, he said, “Time for you to get dressed. Meet me downstairs when you’re ready.”

We stood as he left the table. Through the window, the bonfire in the street down below us already burned bright. The servants moved to clear the table as Tiber approached me to look at the fire as well.

“You should have killed her that day in the woods,” he whispered to me.

“I don’t kill.”

“You do today,” he reminded me with a smile. “It’s not hard, but if anyone can screw it up, it’d be you.”

I turned my eyes from the fire to his grotesque face.

“Don’t mess up, or you’ll end up in a Cleansing yourself.”

Tiber whacked me on the back in a gesture that was half friendly, half threatening. I couldn’t stop myself from lashing out.

“If I did choose to kill someone, it’d be you.”

Tiber pretended to be shocked, clutching his chest. “Oh my! I’m so frightened.” He laughed as he left for his room. I felt for the pin still safe in my cloak and wished for the strength to do this.

“Mother Sun, help me … please let this work.”

I hurried to the bedroom I’d been assigned and pulled on the long pointed ceremonial hood Anders expected us to wear. It reminded me of Alana’s billa. Could she see as little in that as I saw now? Perhaps it’d be like blinders on a horse. The less I could see of the crowd and the fire, the better. I moved Alana’s pin to the hem of my sleeve, closer to my hand. Tiber and I were bringing her out. If anyone caught sight of my pin, it’d be Tiber, not a person who’d keep quiet. Luckily, I’d stolen a few things in my time. My sleight of hand would serve me well in that regard.

I took the wide staircase down to the grand entrance where Anders and Tiber were talking in hushed voices. Anders looked up at me on the steps.

“What kept you?”

“Um, sorry. It’s hard to see with this hood on.”

“You’ll be glad for it when you’re close to the flames. It’s fireproof.”

We followed Anders silently to the basement. The noise of the bonfire and the crowd outside couldn’t penetrate the building, but I knew it grew. A strangely familiar man with pointed teeth met us in the hall.

“Weevil will help you prepare the girl to be cleansed and get her outside. I’ll summon you thusly to bring her forward.” Anders made a beckoning motion with his arm. “Any questions, ask Weevil,” he said as he left.

“Come on,” said Weevil, as if the whole exercise bored him.

I remembered Alana’s fear of this man. She’d told me of him months ago, back in Roma. He unlocked a door with a silver key, and we followed him inside.

“Wake up, sunshine,” said Weevil. He kicked the foot of the bed Stef lay on. At least I thought it was Stef. She was now bald, stick-thin, and pale as the snow outside. Perhaps what we were about to do was a mercy. She didn’t move.

“He said get up!” screamed Tiber, tearing off her thin blanket to expose her half-naked body. Stef flinched, her eyes clamped shut. I drilled my fist as hard as I could into the back of Tiber’s head, knocking him to his knees. He was up and after me in seconds, ramming me into the furniture and forcing the air from my lungs. The only thing that saved me was Weevil’s grip on Tiber’s arm. He jerked Tiber off me and shoved him into the hall.

“You! Outside!” Weevil roared, slamming the door behind him. “You! Get up and help her dress.”

I couldn’t believe my luck. Should I do it now? What did Alana say about the drug? How long would it last? Was it too soon? Or would they become suspicious if she slipped into a comatose state? I leaned over the bed and touched her frail arm.

“Stef? Are you awake?”

Her eyelids fluttered and then opened. “Recks?”

My hood had fallen off in my struggle with Tiber and lay on the floor somewhere. I don’t think she was supposed to see me, but I didn’t care.

“Yes, it’s me.” I hated to admit it.

“Has something happened?” The hope in her eyes cut me deep.

“No, it’s time to go.”

I picked up the white robes Weevil threw on the foot of the bed for her and held them up to create a screen for her. Weevil had no right to look upon her. She might be dead already, but he had no right to her dignity. None of us did.

“Help me,” she whispered, reaching up to my neck. I let her hang on to me to pull herself up as I draped the robe around her, helping her find the armholes. I slipped my drugged needle from my sleeve and pricked the skin over her heart.

She didn’t react, but she looked up at me with questions in her eyes.

“It’ll be all right,” I reassured her, putting the pin back in its hiding place and fastening the front of her robe. Weevil hadn’t noticed a thing. “Are there shoes for her?” I asked.

“No shoes.”

I winced thinking of the icy streets outside, but then I remembered she wouldn’t feel any of it thanks to Alana. “All right. She’s ready then.”

Weevil opened the door. “You’ll have to carry her out. She can’t stand. There’s a litter outside for you two to carry her on. No more fighting or Anders will have my hide. And yours.”

He directed that last bit at Tiber, who’d waited as instructed. He stood outside glowering at the three of us as if we’d betrayed him terribly. I wasn’t about to let him touch Stef. I scooped her up in my arms. She weighed so little; I barely felt her leaning against my shoulder. I pinched her leg, but she didn’t flinch. I hoped the drug worked already. It had to. I couldn’t bear it otherwise.

Outside the sun had set, and it was very dark in the alley where we loaded Stef onto the litter behind the building. I shivered in the wind despite my heavy wool robes. Stef was completely still, and I knew Alana’s drug had worked for sure.

Stef didn’t struggle or cry, but her eyes, brimming with tears, followed me everywhere. She gripped my hand as Tiber strapped her down. She didn’t speak, her movements extremely small and slow, but when her lips moved I thought they formed the words “thank you.”

I squeezed her hand to reassure her. Weevil grabbed my arm to get my attention and handed me the hood I’d dropped.

“Put this on. It’s nearly time.”

I took it, but my eyes never left Stef’s.

“I’m sorry,” I mouthed before putting on the hood.

She closed her dark eyes for the last time, as if she were falling asleep, and never opened them again. Tiber and Weevil paid no attention as we moved into the darkness toward the bonfire. The crowd hadn’t seen us yet, but their shouts already deafened me. My heart hammered against my ribs in time with the rhythm of their collective pounding roar.

Anders gestured and shouted on the platform above them, but I couldn’t hear a word. For that I was grateful.

Stef didn’t add much weight to the litter. I let Tiber take the front since he was so keen on going. I could pretend I was somewhere else, follow blindly without paying attention. Anders grinned at me as we climbed the steps of the platform. This was my punishment; Tiber’s reward. Physical torture broke Tiber. Anders planned mental torture to break me, I knew that now.

He knew best how to cut each person so it hurt the worst. I hated him, hated what my life had become. Had every Reticent been trained this way? Did Bane do this?

Alana told me to try to escape. Maybe I could and get her out of Gora somehow, but I couldn’t think of any way to manage it. To run now meant never seeing her again. I was sure of that.

The screams of the faithful enveloped us now, drowning out every other noise. Stef squeezed her eyes shut even tighter. She heard the noise around us. I hoped she wasn’t afraid, that she understood the pin would help her.

We reached Anders and stood Stef up next to him the way we’d been instructed. Strapped to the litter, she couldn’t move, but her head dropped to her chest. Anders didn’t seem to think anything of it. He raised his arms to the crowd.

“Oh, Sinner! Your hour has arrived! Let Mother Sun cleanse you in her eternal fires. May you join her forever.”

Tiber pushed Stef toward the fire. I released her and let him finish the deed. Safe inside my hood, I shut my eyes. The screaming of the crowd, which I didn’t think could’ve been any louder, rose to a crescendo. These people didn’t care about the worship of Mother Sun. They were animals thirsting for blood, and Anders fed them. In that moment, I wished with all my heart that Mother Sun had destroyed humankind forever.

I didn’t sleep that night except for a few fitful minutes here and there; and when I did, my dreams were filled with sickening images of pale, burning flesh. I was thankful for the morning only because it meant we’d be traveling back to Gora Compound. I longed for the day this would be a distant memory.

We boarded the coach in silence. Anders seemed uninterested in conversation, and Tiber looked like he’d spent the night downing the remaining wine from our dinner. He leaned against the side of the coach and snored. I watched the scenery go by until my eyelids drooped too.

At midday, we stopped at a roadside tavern to stretch and have a bite to eat. They served fresh-slaughtered chicken, probably the last hen they had. The tavern owner doted on us, ordering his pitiful wives around to wait on our every need. Didn’t they know we were murderers? Couldn’t anyone see what utter nonsense the Reticents preached?

I picked at the food given to me, but I had no interest in eating.

“You don’t like it?” the worried owner asked me.

“It’s fine,” I assured him.

“Where’s your appetite, Recks?” asked Anders.

“He left it in Prague.” Tiber snickered at his own joke. He wolfed down his food with no trouble, demanding more tea.

“Something is on your mind, Recks. Out with it,” insisted Anders. I should’ve known better than to tell him my thoughts, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Have you ever wondered if there might be a better way to lead the people?” I asked.

“Better than what?”

“Better than executing them?”

Anders set his teacup carefully on the table and placed his hand down next to it. He looked intently at me, waiting for further explanation.

“I mean, if the Reticents could help people with their basic needs, teach them how to support their families, wouldn’t they be more loyal?”

“Mother Sun made us the Secret Keepers for a reason. Only us.”

But I knew, thanks to Master Bane, that Mother Sun was just a flaming gas ball in space like billions of other stars. There was no magical Mother to fear. Why did Anders insist there was? I watched his papery skin flush purple in cold, uncontained rage.

“When did Mother Sun say we should murder people in her name?”

Anders’s glower intensified, but his voice was clear and controlled. “This meal is over,” he declared and left the table without another word.

“Nice job, fool,” Tiber said to me, getting up from the table. “Destroying yourself saves me the trouble.”

I thanked the tavern owner for the meal since no one else had bothered. He stood wide-eyed, having heard every word of our conversation.

“Thank you, Master Recks, for your kindness,” he said, kissing my knuckles as if I were someone important.

“Don’t thank me. I haven’t done anything worthy of thanks.” I bid him farewell and followed Tiber outside.

Anders was already in the coach, but Tiber and Weevil stood on either side of the door waiting for me. They seized me by the arms and pulled me toward the coach while Anders watched from the window.

“I had high hopes for you. Above average intelligence, high memory capacity. It’s a shame you haven’t been able to learn discipline.”

What’s happening?

“I’ll try to do better, Master,” I said.

“The time for that is through. Take his robe. You’re no Reticent.”

Tiber ripped off my red robe with Alana’s pin still buried in the seam. The winter cold stung me without the cloak.

I’m not going back, my mind screamed at me. I’m not going back! I struggled out of Weevil’s grasp and ran toward the coach.

“Master! Wait!”

I couldn’t be left here. I had to get back. I couldn’t leave Alana alone in that horrible place. I’d ruined everything. Tiber grabbed the back of my thin shirt and yanked me with enough force that I stumbled on the icy snow. I fell on my back, the blow knocking out my breath. Unable to speak, I lay there gasping. Mother’s Love was a bloody red. The forest around us seemed on fire.

“Leave him, Tiber. Weevil will finish him,” said Anders, opening the door of the coach and inviting him inside. Tiber hesitated. He wanted to beat me himself, but he wouldn’t disobey. Instead, he raised his knee to kick me in the ribs. I was ready though. I grabbed his foot and rolled, knocking him off balance. When he was on the ground with me, I punched his ugly face until Weevil dragged me off by my hair. I saw a bloodied, disheveled Tiber retreat to the carriage out of the corner of my eye just before Weevil leveled his baton at me. The electrical jolt drilled into my brain, and my world went black.

I waited by the window in the library that looked out over the road to Prague until I thought I might go mad from worry and fear. I hugged my robes tighter around myself, the cold from the window seeping into my bones. I distracted myself with library cataloging a few times, but it was of little use. No matter how much I hoped, I had a terrible feeling Recks was in danger. We all were; it was only a matter of time.

I wasn’t all that surprised when only two red-robed figures got out of the coach in the courtyard below, but I was terrified. I pushed my face against the glass, squinting against the darkness to be sure. Neither of the men was Recks. The coach Weevil usually drove was not with them either. I cursed myself for the pin. He must’ve been caught with the analgesic. Could he have escaped?

It seemed unlikely given Anders’s calm demeanor. His stride was resolute but not urgent. What does he know? He could know everything or nothing. I tried to fight the panic I felt. I knew what we had to do. I just didn’t want to believe it. I’d been dreading this day for months. Only the thought of facing it with Recks made it bearable, and now he was gone again.

When I first found myself alone here, nothing could console me. I never wanted to cease to exist so much in my life, but I came to realize I wouldn’t go back into slavery if I could prove my worth. I’d gotten past the gate—something precious few ever did.

And when I saw Recks in the gymnasium that day, the day I failed my obstacle test, my heart came alive again. I’d been truly dead inside, the shell of a house with no hearth within. Now all that was taken from me again, threatening to plunge me into a darkness from which I’d never emerge.

I knew everything there was to know in the world; and yet, I couldn’t control my emotions. Kinder lectured me many times on the importance of this.

“Let there be no love, no sign of wanting in your heart. No good can come of it,” he said.

But he was wrong. Love was the only good thing worth having in the world. It was worth risking all else. Kinder had never known love obviously. How could he be expected to understand? And so I would nod and say, “Yes, Master,” knowing all the while he was a fool.

I hurried down a few rows to Kinder’s desk. He’d watched the forest all day, almost as neurotically as I had.

“Master, they’ve returned.” He raised his head from his book at the tone of my voice, thick with meaning. “There’s one less.”

“Recks?”

I nodded sadly. Kinder jumped up, leaving his volume on the seat behind him.

“It’s time then. You know what to do.”

Yes, I knew. He’d told me enough times, burned it into my memory banks. Even if I could’ve forgotten it, it’d always be there in my download. Some days I felt more machine than human but not today. Losing Recks again was more than unbearable. I turned and hurried away from him before Kinder could see my tears. He’d never understand.

I suspected he’d somehow programmed me to obey him and his plan. My feet knew the way. I didn’t even have to think about it. I went to my computer console in the library. It was nothing more than a tiny row of keys and a screen, but it gave me access to the entire Reticent data bank, the source of all recruit downloads and information.

Kinder spent many nights searching the system for any possible data, for secret servers and systems. He also created the malware I was about to release. Kinder not only wanted to steal the Reticent’s data, he wanted them to be without any knowledge at all, to inflict upon them what they inflicted upon others. We had our copies locked inside our heads. Now it was time to destroy theirs.

The code was short, simple even. He designed it that way so it could be done quickly. It would seep into the system quietly over the next thirty minutes before it’d be detected. By then, it’d be too late to stop it, and we’d be gone. It was too easy. The system was as dead as if Mother Sun had killed it herself. I touched the final key, closed the display, and went to find Kinder.

In a back corner of the compound, where the tractors and vehicles were kept, sat Kinder’s escape plan—a truck cobbled together from homemade and scavenged parts and scrap metal. I’d always been dubious about it. Kinder said once the computer virus shut down security, the computerized locks would disengage, and we could open them manually.

I pointed out that there’d be no fuel once we left Gora, but he said we only needed the vehicle to put some distance between the compound and us. When it ran out, we’d be many miles away. I didn’t bother telling him we’d attract an insane amount of attention by driving a self-propelled vehicle with no horse across the countryside. It’d be easy enough to track us. I could only surmise Kinder’s planned distractions at Gora were supposed to keep the Reticents too busy to come after us.

The first of those distractions went off in the southwest corner of the compound as I crossed the yard. A huge fireball lit up the dusky sky, bigger than any bonfire I’d ever seen. Glass shattered everywhere. Guards ran toward the blaze. I instinctively pulled my hood further down to protect myself. It’d be a long time before I’d unlearn the habit of covering myself.

The second bomb exploded a minute later a few hundred feet from the first. Kinder had Recks place the devices for him while he searched for the reactor. Just as Kinder had instructed, I had lied and told Recks they were monitoring signals in remote parts of the building, although it killed me to do it. I often wondered what secrets Kinder kept from me. His determination to escape Gora was the only thing I really believed in. In that, I fully agreed with him. We were dead if we stayed, dead faster if we left; so what did it matter?

I found Kinder, truck running, ready to go. Its engine was so old it had no computer components Mother Sun could tamper with. We’d packed it with supplies months ago in case we needed to leave quickly. We’d been lucky to stay so long really. For all their technology, the Reticents didn’t have much computer security. There was no one to hack them from the outside. They must’ve assumed it was unnecessary, but it was a great weakness, one they might never recover from if Kinder’s plan worked. I ripped open the door of the sputtering, chugging truck and got in.

“Virus deployed?”

“Yes, it went perfectly.”

“Good,” he said, revving the engine. The burning fuel smell filled the garage, making me sick.

“Is this vehicle going to work?”

“It will. It has to.”

Kinder put the truck into gear and stomped on the gas pedal. We lurched forward so fast I was kicked back in my seat. Kinder had driven it a time or two, but he really didn’t have a lot of practice beyond memorizing ancient manuals. Remembering the safety features, I fastened the stiff seatbelt over my lap as we bumped through the courtyard toward the gate.

The fires still burned and people rushed everywhere. No one paid us much attention as the truck made its way away from the commotion toward freedom. Kinder stopped us in front of the side gate that led to the agricultural fields. I jumped out and ran to the keypad to see if it’d still open electronically. We didn’t really know how long it’d take Kinder’s virus to affect the system.

The buttons pushed easily, but the light stayed red and nothing moved. I knew the key code, having hacked it earlier. I looked to Kinder who climbed out of the truck too.

“We’ll have to push it,” he said, taking hold of the wide metal latch and lifting it. “Help me.”

Even though the gate was made of thick wooden planks, the hinges were well oiled and the door swung open easily. We were not prepared for what we saw outside. I always knew this plan would be dangerous, but I thought we’d get further than this.

Kinder wasted no time.

“Get in the truck, Alana,” he shouted as he jumped in himself.

Out in the darkness, a horse-drawn carriage approached Gora, blocking our escape route. It was the coach Weevil brought me here in, and he was driving it. His long white hair was unmistakable, even in the light of the explosions. He drove the horses hard, obviously in a hurry to see what was happening at the compound. Could Recks be in his coach?

Kinder shouted at me again. “Come on!”

I snapped out of my shock and jumped into the truck as it sped out of the gate toward the coach. The noisy engine roared. The exhausted horses reared up, screaming. The sound tore Weevil’s gaze away from the fire. For a split second, his eyes landed on the truck, but then the horses lurched and toppled the coach he sat on. As we zoomed by, I strained to see if anyone else was with him, but I saw no one.

Kinder laughed out loud in glee, something I’d never heard him do, enjoying his new toy. He pressed the pedal down even further, and we raced into the night.

My mind buzzed with adrenalin. We were out. The old man’s crazy plan had worked somehow. My relief was incomplete though. Seeing Weevil coming back separately made me think of a thousand different possibilities. What if Recks had somehow gotten away and Weevil was looking for him? What if Weevil had taken Recks to some other Reticent compound? I knew I’d never be able to rest until I knew.

“We have to go to Prague,” I said to Kinder.

“That’s not on our way. We’re heading east, you know that.”

“We have to look for Recks. It’s not that far out of the way.”

“Absolutely not.”

“He’s out there. I know he is. We have to at least try to find him.”

“He’s dead, Alana.”

“You don’t know that!”

“They’d never let him go without a search.”

“Maybe Weevil was coming back for help?”

“Doubtful. Besides, if he is loose, he knows where to find us.”

“But what if he’s hurt? What if he needs our help? After all he’s done for you, you’d leave him now?”

“I made no promises to him.”

But I did. If Kinder’s mind was made up, and it seemed to be, then I’d have to go alone. Still, it made me furious we were even debating this. Recks was right about Kinder.

“I can’t believe you. You’re no different than a Reticent.”

“Call me all the names you want. It won’t change the facts.”

I gave up talking to him. Instead, I stared out into the dark forest flying by and tried to devise a plan. Kinder had invested a great deal of energy in me. He wasn’t going to let me go easily. The truck bounced along the rutted, icy dirt roads pretty well so far. Kinder lost control once or twice on the ice but had managed to keep it on the road until now. I picked at my ragged fingernails and willed myself to think. I didn’t have long though.

I don’t even know what we hit—a rock or a log maybe, or a root jutting out of the ground—but a loud bang exploded from the back of the truck. Kinder struggled to stabilize the vehicle with the wheel but the speed was too much.

The vehicle spun all the way around, hit something solid, and flipped over. My body was forced violently forward against my seatbelt, all my limbs thrown about like a child’s doll. The belt held me tight in place until we finally came to rest in the darkness.

I couldn’t see. I couldn’t think. All I knew was I hurt all over. I tasted blood in my mouth where I’d bitten down on my own tongue. I lay there awhile, not trying to move, not even sure I could. I grew colder. I became vaguely aware of the snow I lay in and the sound of the wind whistling in the firs.

It smelled of earth here, of pinewood and smoke, like a cooking fire. It reminded me of my home in Roma. Curious, I lifted my head a bit to see what would happen.

My neck was stiff, and the back of my head ached. I tried to sit up, but the seatbelt still held me fast to the seat. I fumbled with the buckle in the dark. It clicked finally, and I let it fall off me so I could sit up.

I found my flashlight in my pocket and clicked it on. The truck cab around me was unrecognizable. Everything was crushed or twisted in some way. But even more unsettling, I realized I was alone.

I clambered out of the truck, which lay on its side, and looked around with the tiny beam of my flashlight slicing through the darkness. I stood at the bottom of a ravine, the road nowhere in sight. Had we gone off the embankment?

Mother’s Love was a pale, pulsing green in the sky, giving the snow an eerie color. The moon, nearly full, made tree shadows on the ground.

Where am I?

Had Kinder made the turn north toward Ukraine yet? With my head still foggy, I couldn’t think clearly. I remembered asking him to go to Prague and he refused, but no, we hadn’t made the turn east yet. I was sure of that.

Where’s Kinder? Wasn’t he wearing his seatbelt too?

Perhaps not. Without windows, he could’ve been thrown out of the wreck. It was hard to believe he would’ve been so careless. He knew all the statistics I knew.

Did he leave me? Wait …

I switched off my light. Suddenly, I wanted to be invisible. I scanned the ravine above me but saw no one. I hurried back to the truck and found our supplies strewn everywhere. My knee burned deep inside, making me limp as I moved. The night was so cold I lost sensation in my fingers. They were nearly useless as I dug around in the trash of our supplies. I didn’t dare make a fire to warm myself here. I worried maybe Kinder was lying up there on the road half-dead. What could I do? The ravine was too steep to climb up here.

I didn’t think about the chip in my head, or the Reticents. I just knew we needed to find shelter soon or we’d both freeze to death. I threw matches, a knife, some dried meat, and a water container into a bag. I found some thin gloves and put them on. I pulled my hood closer to my frozen ears and walked down the ravine toward the north, which I knew from the position of the stars. The clacking of my teeth was the loudest night sound as my body shuddered violently in an attempt to warm itself. I tried to step on the boulders along the riverbed to avoid leaving tracks in the snow, but soon I was beyond caring, my fingers hurt so badly.

I found a rocky overhang that provided enough cover to get out of the snow and enough brush to conceal it. I flipped on the flashlight so I could find the matches. I lit one with some difficulty since my hands weren’t responding to my will any longer. Luckily, when it tumbled from my fingers, it landed on some dried pine needles and they caught fire. I quickly added sticks from the brush to build it into something substantial. I cupped my hands around the tiny embers, trying desperately to heat my hands and feed the flame. I couldn’t afford to lose any fingers tonight.

When they finally loosened up, cherry-red from the cold, I surveyed the rest of my body for damage. Pushing up my legging, I saw my knee was purple and swollen. It wasn’t broken but badly bruised. I wondered if I’d be able to walk in the morning.

By now, it was late and I was exhausted. No one seemed to be coming after me. I was truly alone. I dozed off, curled up by the warmth of my fire.

In the morning, I awoke to a gray winter day and the ashes of my little fire. Every single part of me ached. I lit another match, wishing I had something to cook. I thought of Kinder and Recks, and wondered what had become of them. I examined my fingers in the daylight. Nothing appeared to be in danger of permanent damage yet, although the skin was still red and raw. I wished I had some salve for it. Instead, I chewed on some dried meat and tried to focus. I’d never anticipated this; but then again, nothing in my life had ever been predictable.

A slave, then freed, enslaved again, and now free again—truly on my own this time. I could go anywhere, disappear into the woods and never see another Reticent. I knew how far their territory stretched now, what places to avoid, their strongholds, and their weak points. But I couldn’t go until I knew what happened to Recks.

I decided to find the road to Prague and follow it. I should only be a few hundred yards southwest of it. There were only a few towns between here and Prague. I’d search every one of them if I had to. Someone had to have seen or heard something.

I stood and tried my leg gingerly. The knee was soft but not as painful as I’d feared. The cold must have helped the inflammation some. I grabbed my bag, kicked some dirt over the embers, and set off once more.

The morning went fairly well considering the night before. The road was roughly where I figured it’d be, although I wouldn’t walk on it. I kept to the trees. No one went by until I reached a small village perched on a slope much like Roma. A few houses were scattered along the roadway, one of which had a sign hanging from the roof with only a picture of a boar’s head. It seemed to be a public house, a place where everyone gathered, as I saw several groups of men go inside.

The day turned drizzly, and I wore my cloak over my head. I remembered Recks’s warning about traveling alone, how it was better to appear like a boy, and I was glad I’d worn leggings and heavy boots. They were dirty now, which was good. It’d make me look more like a peasant. I watched until the road emptied and then stole across the street toward the tavern. Hunched over, I crept around the side of the stone cottage, finding a window open enough that I heard the men inside.

“Something’s wrong, I tell you,” said a gruff voice. “The fire must be huge. The plume stretches for miles.”

“Someone has to go see,” said a younger one.

“You know it’s forbidden.”

“Perhaps they need help?”

“Reticents don’t need our help. Besides, they’d send word if they did.”

“They could be unable?”

“Then what could we do? Nothing.”

“Did you ask Recks?”

Blood shot to my head at the sound of the familiar name, making me dizzy. I knelt down on my knees and hugged the wall. Was he here?

“He’s gone,” said a third voice with a kind tone.

“Gone?”

“Said he had to go.”

“Good riddance, blasphemer! No wonder they threw him out,” said the gruff voice. “Shoulda killed him meself.”

“Oh, like you could ever best that one,” said a kinder voice.

“Mother Sun’s a lie? I’m surprised she didn’t strike him dead on the spot. Never heard such tripe in all my life. He’s probably the one that started the fire. You’ll wish you’da killed him before it’s all over, Soren.”

“Pipe down or I’ll throw you out,” said another voice. “What he said made sense. Made a lot of sense. Nobody’s going to Gora to see your crazy smoke so forget it.”

Recks had been here but not executed? Maybe I could talk to this Soren, find out what he knew? How long ago had Recks left? Must have been only this morning. I’d catch him if only I knew the way. Where would he go?

My heart stopped when I realized exactly where he’d go. He’d go back to Gora for me. I forgot about Soren and ran for the woods and back toward Gora. I had to find him before he got there.

My knee didn’t let me run for long though. The ache in it grew into a burn as my footing slipped in the pine duff covering the slopes. I stopped and rubbed it to ease the joint. Normally, I could’ve run all the way back to Gora but not with this injury. I cursed Kinder aloud to the trees. The wind sighed in their branches.

I tried not to panic. Recks wouldn’t march right in to Gora would he? Surely, he would see the reactor was on fire and stay back. I wished I had told Recks more about Kinder’s plan, but Kinder forced me to hold my tongue.

I shoved all my worries into the back of my mind and started again, slower this time. The hillside I’d chosen to traverse became mountain-steep. I needed to find an easier way. I worked my way south all afternoon. It wasn’t long before I caught sight of the smoke plume the old man spoke of, great black billows against the gray sky reaching thousands of feet into the atmosphere. Who knew what kinds of particulates were in it? I knew I should run in the opposite direction for my own safety. My knee wavered, and I sat down again. That’s when I saw the track in the mud.

It was a Reticent’s boot, no doubt about that, given the shape of the toe. I touched it with my hand to measure the size. It was too big to be mine. The only men wandering off the side of this road would be Recks, or perhaps Kinder.

I was close, so close. It wouldn’t be long now. I smiled to myself just before strong arms grabbed me from behind.

I struggled to pull free of the stranger’s hold on me. Already on the ground, I was at a disadvantage, my balance compromised. I let myself fall back toward the earth, hoping my attacker wouldn’t anticipate the move. My weight wasn’t much, but the sudden shift loosened his grip for the one second I needed. I rolled away and kicked at him. The toe of my boot connected with his jaw and knocked him backwards. I was up before he was, shot through with adrenalin, and went to kick him again since I had no weapons but my hands and feet.

His hood fell off his head, and I saw the face I’d been searching for.

“Recks?” I gasped.

He looked up at me. “What are you—”

I cut him off with my kiss, kneeling on the ground beside him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I cried between kisses, his face in my hands.

“Sorry for what?” he managed to say.

“I kicked you.” I was unable to stop my tears, but Recks only laughed and pulled me close to his chest. The thud of his heart against mine calmed me.

“You can kick me every day as long as you promise you’ll never leave my side again,” Recks teased. I laughed through my tears.

“How’d you get away?” he asked when I’d settled down. “I saw the smoke. What happened?”

“When you didn’t come back, Kinder decided it was time to leave. He set the fires as a distraction. I was so worried about you. He said you were probably dead.”

“Yes, he would. Where is the old bastard anyway?”

I told him about the truck and the accident, how I woke up alone and set out to find him.

“The men at the Boar’s Head said you were thrown out by the Reticents, but how could that be?” I asked.

“Oh, I think Anders meant to have me killed. He just didn’t see to it himself. Weevil got sloppy. Or Mother Sun interfered with his baton perhaps? Soren took me in for the night.”

I hugged him tighter, afraid he might disappear again. “What happened? Did they find the pin?”

“No. I think Anders finally got sick of my mouth. I have a hard time keeping it shut.”

“And Stef? Were you able to … ”

“Yes, it worked. I’m pretty sure anyway. Miserable wretches.”

The smile faded from Recks’s face remembering it. I ran my fingers through the dark hair hanging over his eyes, pushing it out of his face. His eyes, like mine, were tired and rimmed with dark circles. A fresh red scab crusted the corner of his swollen lips.

“How much did you sleep? You don’t look so good.”

“I don’t feel so good either. Weevil’s baton hit me pretty hard. I’m sure I looked dead.”

“We should rest awhile, but perhaps not so close to the road. Can you climb the hill? There’s a place we can stay.”

“Might take me awhile, but yes, I think so.”

I stood up and offered him my hand to help him up. He stood and swayed. I steadied him with my arm around his body, such welcome warmth he was to me.

“I could’ve killed you, you know. What were you thinking sneaking up on me?” I asked.

“I didn’t want to call out, but I was afraid if you left, I’d never catch you. You’ll see I’m not moving too fast.”

“I don’t think there’s any rush.”

We took our time climbing the hillside into the thicker trees where no one would see us. The rain was lighter now, or maybe the trees protected us here. I’d been running on the energy of my fear for the last two days. Now that I’d found Recks, I was suddenly exhausted.

As we neared the crest of the hill, the pines thinned and a castle came into view. Unlike the ruins in Roma, this castle stood intact. Its walls were unblemished by time; its roof still held. Vines covered its white marble in dark, dusty green, even in winter. Mother Sun broke through the clouds, casting a buttery, late-afternoon glow. I’d seen pictures of such beautiful ancient places in my downloads, but this was far more than I’d expected. We stared in open awe at the sight.

“How did you know this was here?” asked Recks.

“It’s on the map,” I said, tapping my temple. “I didn’t know what it looked like though.”

“Is it empty?”

“The map doesn’t tell me that.”

“Then we should be careful until we know.”

Recks drew his small knife and held it ready as we silently approached the massive structure. I kept my eyes wide for any movement in the windows but saw nothing. Creeping around, we found all the doors sealed. There were no windows on this level, only smooth polished stone. After we circled the building and saw no one, Recks slowly climbed one of the ropey vines up to a window high above the ground. He broke a small pane of glass and reached in to unlatch the window.

I waited below while he disappeared inside. The sun dropped lower in the sky as her aurora grew brighter. Dusky purples and blues painted the castle like the twilight sky of a far-off land. It wasn’t as expansive as the Gora compound, but it was the most beautiful building I’d ever seen, like something out of one of Recks’s fairy tales.

This day seemed so unreal with Kinder gone and Recks and I free to go where we pleased. What would we do with our lives? I felt dizzy thinking about it. I never really let myself believe it was possible we could be free together.

Recks’s face reappeared at the window, a light breeze ruffling his hair as he beckoned to me.

“It looks all right. C’mon up.”

I adjusted the satchel on my back and climbed the vine. He waited for me at the window, his gentle hands ready to help me inside. Once in, my eyes adjusted to the late afternoon shadows as I looked around the room.

“I haven’t been through the entire place yet, but it seems deserted,” he said.

I sighed deep. All I wanted to do was rest. He pulled me by the hand with a smile.

“Come see this. You’ll love it.”

I followed him past the dusty furniture and down a hallway to an open door with the sunset pouring through. Golden light filled the room, streaming through a row of high-arched windows. All the furniture sat under sheets of clear plastic, coated with a thick layer of dust. The castle perched on the edge of a snowy valley surrounded by jagged, purple peaks with a view that went on forever. I walked to the window to look out across the world.

“It’ll be dark soon,” I said.

“There’s a fireplace here. I can find some wood and make us a fire.”

“That would be nice. Too bad there’s no dinner to cook on your fire.”

“What do you mean? Soren supplied me plenty well.” Recks smiled as he went to his pack on the floor and opened it.

“Really?” I shuffled over to see what he had. From the depths of his bag appeared a dense loaf of brown bread and some apples, making my mouth water. Recks handed me an apple which I immediately bit into, the juice sweet on my parched tongue. He found a small bag inside the pack.

“He said this could be boiled to make soup.”

I opened the bag and smelled the contents. “Must be some kind of bullion,” I said. “Smells delicious, like mushrooms.”

“Let me get this fire going. It’s getting dark in here.”

I felt like I should help, but I was so tired all I could do was chew the apple. He disappeared for a while and eventually returned with some wood and a copper pot he’d found somewhere.

“There’s an amazing kitchen downstairs.”

I yawned and drew my robes closer around myself.

“Better feed you. Looks like you’ll be asleep soon,” teased Recks. He dumped the bullion into the pot, poured water in it, and set it in the tiny fire.

“I’d eat it cold,” I offered.

“No, I mean to feed you a proper meal. Have some bread.”

He tore off a hunk of the loaf and put it in my hand. The touch of his hand was so gentle and warm, I was sorry when he pulled away.

“Do you think it’s safe here?” I asked.

“For now. The house is certainly locked up tight,” said Recks as he fed the little fire more fuel.

“House? This?” I ran my fingers along the granite mantel and brushed the dust from my fingers off on my leggings.

“It’s more like a castle, isn’t it?”

“It’s strange, like they left on a trip and never came back.”

“What’s strange is it’s not looted. Most every place has been.”

“It’s hidden well,” I said, looking out across the snowy landscape outside the window. There was nothing but trees around us.

“We should be able to rest up here for a few days,” said Recks, bringing me a hot earthenware cup of bullion. It warmed my stiff fingers as I wrapped them around the mug.

“Days? But the Reticents?”

“By the looks of things, they’ve got their hands full for a while. I think we can relax.”

“And then what?” It suddenly seemed very important for me to know.

“Have your supper, and we’ll get some rest. We can talk about it in the morning.”

I wanted to argue, to demand a decision be made now, but the rich barley beef stock smelled too good to my grumbling tummy to put up a fight. I slurped it, feeling it warm me all the way down to my belly.

The fire burned brighter as Recks added more wood, lighting up the darkness and throwing shadows around the room. He went to inspect the furniture and pulled the plastic sheeting off a large wooden bed.

“It still has sheets,” he said.

I set down my empty cup and went to see.

“Climb in,” he said, helping me take off my outer robes and boots.

The mattress was soft, but the blanket was cold and I shivered in the covers.

“Let me help.” He pulled off his own jacket and pants, quickly sliding in next to me. He felt warm and safe around me. I found myself wanting him even closer as I tucked my head beneath his chin to rest on his collarbone. I felt the muscles of his chest and his arms around me. I lifted my face to rub the stubble of his chin with my lips.

“Alana?”

“Yes?”

“Would you be my mate?”

At first I didn’t answer. I was overcome with such a strange sensation of joy and sorrow; I couldn’t speak.

“Alana?” His voice was uneasy.

“I would be a terrible first wife for you.” Recks looked into my eyes, his nose against my nose, so close his breath brushed against my own lips.

“I don’t want a first wife. I want you.”

“But, I’m hideous.”

“That’s a lie, and you know it.”

Recks pulled something off his little finger and showed it to me—a ring with an emerald buried in the gold band.

“See this? How beautiful the stone is? That’s only because the craftsman looked inside an ordinary rock to find it. The outside means nothing.” He slipped the ring on my finger and tangled his fingers with mine, kissing my face.

“Say you will?” he whispered.

I couldn’t feel my breath. “I am yours. I’ve always been yours.”

“Then it’s done. I’ll be yours till the end of my days. Mother, make it so.”

“Yes,” I managed to say breathlessly.

I’d long since lost any sense of reality as my happiness overwhelmed me. In this dream, he loved me. I no longer felt afraid, and the walls around my heart melted. I knew he’d keep his word. His lips on mine eliminated the need for anything else to be said. His touch said the things that couldn’t be expressed in words. I thought my heart might shatter into a million tiny pieces. I’d been here before with a man this way many times, but it had never felt like this. I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t hurt. I didn’t need to separate myself from my body to survive this. It was good and right, like the way a warm blanket comforts on a cold night.

The sweet, musky scent of his skin—so different from Dine’s stink—filled my nose. I drank him in, and yet I wanted more. The desire surprised me. Craving to be as close as I could, I held him tight, as if he could become another part of me, a part I hadn’t known was missing until now. He pulled me into his chest just as strong, his lips crushing mine.

“Are you okay?” he asked next to my ear, his breath hot on my neck. He waited motionless for my answer. At first, I could only nod, my eyes still closed, but he wasn’t satisfied with that.

“Alana, don’t ever say yes to me just because you think you have to. I don’t want it to ever be like that.” I looked into his clear green eyes filled with love for me. I touched his temple, pushed the black hair from his eyes, felt the rough stubble on his chin, and brushed my thumb across his perfect lips.

“It could never be like that with you, Recks. I want you always.” I pulled him back into me. He surrendered to my kisses and I to his.

I didn’t know how much I slept that night, how much was a dream, or how much was real. I only knew that I was changed forever. I could never be happy if I awoke without his arms around me again. But I did wake in his arms, his body keeping me toasty warm even though the fire had long since gone out. The angle of light coming in the windows told me Mother Sun was high in the sky. My tummy grumbled, but I didn’t move. I wanted to lie there and soak it up as long as I could—the sound of his gentle breath, his skin on my skin, the feel of the downy hairs on the back of his arms. I wished I could download it to my chip and save it forever.

The thought of the chip in the back of my head brought a thousand new thoughts flooding back to me. Were we safe? Could they find us? Were they even looking for us? Recks took a deep breath, the sound a soothing ripple in my ear.

“You awake?” he whispered.

“Yes.”

“Hungry?”

“A little.” I pulled his arms tighter around me, snuggling into him, unwilling to get up.

“I’m starving. I wonder if there’s anything in the kitchen downstairs.”

I opened my eyes. Was Recks telling me to make breakfast? If he was hungry, it was now my job to feed him. That’s what wives did. I moved to sit up, but he held me down.

“Where are you going?”

“You said you were hungry.”

“I’ll live. Be still.” I relaxed in his embrace again, confused and happy at once, thrilled by his breath tickling my neck. “What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“The day I met you; you said, ‘May Mother Sun shine on you.’”

“I did?”

“Yes, to a slave even. I couldn’t believe it. And now she has. She brought me you.”

“Mother Sun has nothing to do with it. I love you because you’re kind. It was only ever you.”

When we got tired of lounging in bed, Recks showed me the kitchen, and we cooked Soren’s oats for breakfast. Every day I liked Soren more. With little else to do, we wandered the castle, curious what else it might hold. Almost every room was enormous and dusty, untouched by humans for a long time. Beautiful paintings adorned the walls of fancy-colored, peeling paper.

After an hour, it seemed we’d seen all there was to see, but Recks opened one more door and proved me wrong. Inside, the walls of the high-ceilinged room were completely covered in books. A spiral staircase led to a second level with even more volumes high above us. There were books of every size, shape, and color. There may have been fewer books than the Reticent library held, but the effect was so much greater because they could all be seen at once.

“Whoa,” murmured Recks, looking up at the walls of shelves.

“It’s so beautiful,” I said, touching the ornate wood of the stair railing.

“I can’t believe the Reticents never ransacked it.”

“Maybe they didn’t think they needed it. A lot of these look like fiction.”

“You know what this means, don’t you?” asked Recks.

“What?”

“If this is still here, there could be more untouched libraries out there. They haven’t been able to destroy every book.”

“I don’t think they could even if they wanted to.”

Recks and I scanned the shelves for a while, opening a book here and there. I found a poetry book and became engrossed for a while until I noticed Recks was gone. Turning to look for him, I saw him staring out the window at the valley. I joined him, my hand low on his back.

“What is it?” I asked.

“People should know about this.”

“This castle?”

“No, books. Knowledge. Stories. They should know it all.” I didn’t like where his thoughts seemed to be heading.

“Yes, I suppose they should but how? None of them can read.”

“But we could teach them, and they could teach others.”

“And we could get killed doing it too.” I moved away from him. I didn’t want to hear this talk anymore, but he kept on.

“It’d have to be a secret of course. We could find people, like Soren, who could be trusted.”

“But you can’t teach them by download. It’d take a lot more time.”

“I know, but it could be done.”

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.” I breathed on the glass to fog it up and drew stars with my finger.

“You don’t want to,” he said. It was more of a statement than a question.

“You’re my husband. I go where you go.”

He pulled me into his arms. “If I weren’t here, what would you do?” His eyes peered deep into mine, as if he could somehow read the thoughts in my soul.

“I would die.”

“Of course you wouldn’t die, Alana. You were doing just fine when you found me.”

“I’d search for you until I died then.”

Recks laughed and kissed my forehead. “Let me put it another way. If you could do anything you wanted, anything at all, what would it be?”

I thought of all that was on my chip, of everything I’d seen in Kinder’s downloads. “I’d like to live by the ocean, some place that was warm all the time. And I’d learn to swim.”

“I promise you, you shall.”

“Really?”

“Yes, we can leave tomorrow if you like.”

“But what about the reading? You said you wanted to teach others.”

“I can do that anywhere. It’d probably be safer to put some distance between Gora and us anyway. You’re right about that.”

I knew why I loved Recks. He always reminded me when I least expected it that my opinions had value too. I hugged his neck tight and whispered my thanks in his ear. There couldn’t be a more perfect husband for me.

“I’ll never make you do something you don’t want to. Remember that,” he said.

I nodded.

“But you have to speak up. Tell me what you’re thinking. All right?”

“I’ll try.”

We stayed there a few more days until our food ran low. Recks felt better, so we packed our satchels and left early one morning before sunrise. I was sorry to leave the beautiful castle, but I could hardly believe we were going to the ocean. Once again, I was the wild bird escaping, eager to spread my wings and fly.

We followed the map in my head south all that day and the next. Recks never questioned my sense of direction. He simply followed where the map took me. The Mediterranean was still hundreds of miles away, but I swear I smelled it sometimes.

The countryside became even more rugged and mountainous the further we traveled. I led us around Gora toward the ancient city of Budapest. The smell of the fires burning in Gora stunk up the air for miles. The farther we were away from it, the better.

Recks stayed quiet much of the time, an easy-going traveling companion ever wary of danger. Again, we kept to the forest most of the time, coming down to the road only long enough to use the bridges to cross the larger streams or search abandoned houses for useful goods. Sometimes we chatted as we hiked.

“We’ll have to cross the Danube River when we get to the city,” I said.

“We can’t go around the city? It’d be better to avoid lots of people.”

“The river’s too wide to cross without a bridge or a boat. Most of the rural areas don’t have bridges anymore.”

“How many people live there?”

“It was once in the millions,” I said, checking the data in my head. “Now it’s probably in the thousands, most on the south side. The bridge might be guarded. I don’t know.”

“And the Reticents? Are they there?”

“Oh yes, but they may have gone to Gora to see what happened.”

“Then we should move at night.”

I nodded, silent in my acceptance.

“And we should make sure your head is covered.”

“With what?” My billa came to mind. I felt like Recks wanted me to wear something more than a hat.

“We’ll find something. Don’t worry. I won’t make you cut your hair again.”

We hung by the outskirts of the city until dark but saw no one. It was strangely quiet. The buildings loomed like abandoned mountains of crumbling concrete against the sunset. Recks wanted to look for clothing, so we poked around in a few buildings. We happened upon a department store, the glass window panes shattered across the sidewalk. We climbed into one of the openings, glass crunching under our boots. Looted, the store lay in ruins. Clothes, display racks, boxes, and trash lay everywhere covered in a fine layer of dust. In the back, Recks found some hooded shirts like the ones we wore in Tingrad, and we put them on. Recks pulled the strings on my hood to tighten it until I had a tiny hole to see out of.

“That’s better,” he said.

“I’m hungry. Can we eat here before we go?”

“Maybe. Wonder if this store had any packaged food … ”

“It would be ancient by now.”

“And probably looted. I think I might have something left in my pack.”

In one of the abandoned houses along the way, Recks had collected a stash of little canned fish. They were so salty and smelly I had trouble choking them down. I hoped he didn’t have any more.

“I’ve been saving this,” he said, unwrapping a square of hard white cheese.

“Cheese? Did Soren give you that?”

“He’s truly a prince among men.” Recks smiled as he cut off a hunk with his small knife and handed it to me. The aroma made my mouth water as the first buttery bite melted on my tongue. Thinking of how good it would be with meat, I remembered my jerky, and pulled it out of my pack to share.

We enjoyed our meal together in the hulk of the department store and decided to nap a bit before trying to cross the river. The bridge was nearly a mile across the Danube, and we’d be out in the open the entire time. Recks figured the darker, the better our odds would be. I lay my head on a pile of clothes, Recks close beside me with his protective arm draped over me.

I didn’t even know I’d fallen asleep until he woke me by tickling my neck. I sat up and rubbed my shoulder where it’d gone numb on the hard floor.

“Time to go?”

“Yes, we’d better. It’s going to take us a few hours to cross the city. Don’t want to waste the whole night.”

The constellation of the Archer sat low in the sky when we set out, the crisp starlight our only light in the cold night. Mother’s Love was oddly absent, the night blacker than usual. I looked at Recks, who was also looking up at the sky.

“It’s good luck. The darkness will help.” Recks squeezed my hand. I held tight and didn’t let go for several blocks. The darkness felt strange, as if the sun had truly gone out. I was uneasy without really knowing why. As we neared the bridge, we saw tiny fires burning on the other side of the river, so far away they could’ve been mistaken for fireflies in summer.

The cool wind shifted, blowing into our faces now, carrying the smell of something terrible with it.

“I know this place. I’ve been here before. I always thought of it as a city of dead,” said Recks.

“Why is that?”

“So many remains. Millions of people lived here. When they starved, no one was left to bury them. Their bones fill the streets.”

“Maybe we could go another way.”

“You said the Danube flows for miles. This is the quickest place to cross.”

“But—”

“You can’t swim?”

“I can if I have to, but not that far.” We could see the width of the river, the flames dancing on the surface in their reflections. It was broader than any river I’d ever seen.

“We shouldn’t have to swim, but we may find ourselves in need of a quick exit.” With his arm around me, Recks pulled me along with him. “It’ll get worse before it gets better, Alana, but I’ll be with you, all right?”

“You’ve been this way before?”

“Yes, years ago when I first came west.”

“And you crossed the bridge?”

“Yes; in those days, there were toll takers. Probably still are.”

“You paid?”

“Well, our guide paid something. He had a personal relationship, some arrangement for safe passage.”

“You never told me how you came to be in the West.”

Recks laughed soft and low.

“There are many things for us to discuss, but now’s not the time. We must be quiet.” He touched my lips with his fingers as he caressed my face. His pace quickened, and I matched it with my own. I wanted this to be over. I wanted to be somewhere safe and warm and to forget about this place like a bad dream.

The buildings grew taller as we got closer to the river, some so high they blocked the stars. Mother’s Love suddenly flashed a brilliant red-orange above the city, illuminating the darkness and then fading away. I caught my breath. In the light, I saw them: thousands of skeletons lining the streets. I gasped at the piles of bones and the hollow eyes staring at nothing. Recks hugged me tighter and pushed me along, focused on the bridge. It was a few blocks away now. The lights on the far side glittered like the eyes of a thousand hungry beasts.

At the entrance, we paused by a crumbling stone wall in the shadows. Recks strained to see what was at the far end without standing in the middle of the road. The old lamps that once illuminated the bridge still stood. They would’ve helped tremendously if there’d been any electricity at all.

“Looks quiet down there. I can’t hold your hand here. They’ll suspect you’re a woman right away.”

“Who’s ‘they’?”

“The toll takers. If they ask, I’ll say you’re my little brother. Stay quiet and let me do the talking if you can. I’ll tell them you’re mute.”

“That’s a good idea.” My voice shook. This place terrified me—the horrible smells, the dankness of the water, the inexplicable blackness of the sky. Mother Sun had abandoned this place long ago and perhaps all who entered as well. I kept looking up for some sign of Mother’s Love. Recks tugged my chin a little in his direction.

“Hey,” he said. “Don’t worry. We’ll be out of the city by morning.”

“Promise?” I looked to his face when he hesitated, wishing I could see him better in the darkness.

“I promise.” He pulled on the drawstrings of my hood once more, to make himself feel better I suspected, and then kissed me. His scent filled my nose, blocking out everything for the few seconds I needed to compose myself. He laid his forehead on mine and looked deep into my eyes. “If anything happens, I want you to take care of yourself first. Don’t worry about me. You’re everything to me.”

“But—”

“Let’s go.” Recks pulled away from me like it took a great deal of effort. He walked across the bridge without waiting for me. I followed him without hesitation. I wanted to know what he meant by “don’t worry about me,” as if I’d ever leave him in harm’s way.

I hurried to keep up with him, my heart climbing higher in my throat with every step as the lights at the far side of the bridge grew brighter and brighter. I found myself running. There was no one on the length of the bridge, but shapes moved on the other side. Like me, I think Recks wanted to be there already, to have this over quickly. As we neared the far end, the tiny flickering lights morphed into huge pyres of burning rubbish. It was the same stench we’d smelled earlier, only now it was enough to gag me. I’m sure if the night hadn’t been so dark, we would’ve seen black columns of smoke billowing above us. I could certainly smell it. Recks slowed his gait and I matched it.

“Catch your breath,” he whispered to me. “Be ready.”

We faced a barricade of junk cars. The rusty metal frames were stacked three-high with a single passageway between them. The only way across was through the wall of cars. A figure stepped out of the opening with a torch in hand. Too late, I recognized the man approaching Recks. It was Tiber.

“No!” I screamed, forgetting my orders to stay mute. Tiber’s club swung over his head, connecting to Recks’s jaw with a sickening crunch, knocking him down. With no weapons but my hands and feet, I ran at Tiber, ready to tear his eyes out. I jumped on his back, ripping at his face. I knew from the warm slickness on my hands that I’d drawn blood from his craggy skin, but I didn’t stop clawing at him. He threw me off after a brief struggle. My hood fell back as I hit the pavement and he shoved me down with his boot.

“You?” asked Tiber, incredulously. I screamed and writhed, trying to free myself.

There were others now, young men going through Recks’s clothes, taking his satchel, and fighting over the contents. My screams drew their attention. Tiber looked over at Recks.

“Is that … ? It can’t be … ”

Tiber yanked me up and pinned my arms behind me in his vice grip. How could he be so strong? He pushed me in front of him, closer to Recks.

“Turn him over,” Tiber ordered.

The young men, not Reticents but street urchins, did as they were told. Tiber sputtered when he saw Recks’s bloody face.

“Cut his throat and throw him over the side,” he barked as he dragged me toward the city.

“No!” I threw myself down, not caring if my arms broke in the process. Tiber lost his grip, and I landed in a heap on the pavement, skinning my already scarred face. I scrambled to Recks on my hands and knees too late to stop the knife across his neck. He never moved, never cried out. Perhaps he was already dead. His life flowed out in front of me and across my hands which clutched at this throat, trying in vain to stop him from leaving me.

Horrible, gasping, wailing sobs exploded from my core. The only true, beautiful thing I’d ever known was taken from me for no reason at all. My mind couldn’t grasp it, wouldn’t accept it. I hugged my arms around his body, wishing beyond all hope and reason that he would live, or that I might follow him wherever he went.

Someone pried me off Recks’s body. I don’t know who. I’d already retreated to that hiding place deep within, the safe place from this world’s terrors. Recks was gone, and I wouldn’t be here without him.

Someone carried me or I floated in an uncomfortable position for what seemed like an eternity. I wasn’t sure how long it was before I was dumped on the cold, unmoving ground. I lay there as someone tied my hands behind me, doing my best to become stone. I wanted it to end. Mother, just let it all end here. Please.

“Alana? Cat got your tongue?”

A voice I knew but couldn’t place broke through the darkness I cocooned myself in.

“Alana, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. You’re the Vessel.”

Only one person ever spoke to me like that, and he was probably dead. Maybe I’d accessed a memory of Kinder, playing over in my head like so many times before. Angry, I lashed out in my mind.

Go away, old man! I am no one’s Vessel. I am Alana. A name no one calls me.

A hand smacked my face, not hard like Master Dine’s hand, but persistent, forcing me to open my eyes. I searched through my blurry vision, looking in vain for my assailant, before I finally focused on the face in front of me. Kinder’s eyes blazed like icy blue rivers in the firelight. I wasn’t dreaming. He was here after all.

“Leave me be,” I told him. He stopped the incessant tapping on my face. I tried moving away from him but found myself bound tightly to a post. Kinder was tied too but managed to wiggle a hand free. The sounds of the street grew louder as I became more aware of my surroundings. It was dark, the air filled with shouts and the unmistakable scent of a bonfire.

“A Cleansing?” I asked, not really caring.

“Yes, I think they mean to do away with us.”

“Good. I want to be done away with.”

“What’s happened to you?”

“Recks … ” I couldn’t continue. Tears choked my throat. I knew Kinder probably didn’t care. He never seemed to care about anyone.

“He’s gone?”

I nodded as I rubbed my already raw nose on my knee.

“Thank goodness he protected you this long. He knew you were special, that you have something to accomplish.”

“He loved me, in spite of everything that was wrong with me.”

“No, not in spite of it. Because of it.” The words sounded otherworldly coming from Kinder. He’d never been this way. “Alana, there are many things I never told you. I thought I’d have more time.”

I didn’t answer. I only stared at his face, which was softer and more compassionate than I’d ever seen it.

“How to explain it all now, I don’t really know.”

“It won’t matter soon.”

“I know this sounds crazy, but this world’s coming to an end. The solar storms are just a prelude to a supernova. It’s almost time.”

“Our sun can’t supernova. You know that.” He taught me that fact himself.

“I am … how to put this? I’m not of this world or even this solar system. And neither are you.”

I stared at him unfeeling. “I always knew you were a little off, Kinder, but that’s impossible.”

“Why?”

“Because in all of human history, in all their searching for intelligent life, they never found anyone.”

“They never knew. We kept our distance, but when their sun started to die, we came to glean what we could before it was destroyed. You were sent here as a child so you could learn their ways intimately. You were never supposed to be sold into slavery. I was sent to find you, get you back on track. We thought you might be dead. I nearly died myself. You saw the state I was in when Tow caught us.”

“I don’t believe you. If you had the technology to travel through space, surely you could’ve tracked me. Besides, what would an advanced civilization want with Earth’s pitiful technology?”

“It’s not so much their technology as much as their humanness, their emotions. We’ve lost them. You contain them. They’re within you. Not only do you hold vast stores of information, you embody love and anger and sadness. You are wholly human.”

“But you’re saying I’m not human.”

“I’m saying you’ve become human. We gave you the form of a child, and you’ve grown into a mature human.”

Spears of undulating purple and orange light shot across the sky. Kinder gazed upward.

“Our calculations put the supernova at any time now.”

He’d gone mad, but who could blame him? I was probably mad myself. None of this made any sense, so I played along with him.

“What will happen?”

“You know what a supernova means. The sun’s core will collapse. It will explode, and this solar system will be incinerated.” He couldn’t be serious. Was he trying to tell me something secretly?

“And how were you planning to escape this inferno?”

“They were coming to get us, Alana. They still may.”

I looked at the rainbow of colors in the sky now, growing brighter with hues of yellow, green, and blue.

“I don’t see any spaceships.”

“Well, you wouldn’t. They wouldn’t be close enough to see.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

“Because you wouldn’t have believed it. You would’ve thought I was insane.”

I laughed, but there was no joy in it. “Kinder, I’ve always thought you were insane. It wouldn’t have made much difference.”

“But I’m not.”

“Who are these people anyway? Where are they from, and why would they leave us in such an awful place?”

“They thought it was for the greater good, I suppose.”

“Who are they? Are they three-legged, one-eyed, lizard people? What?” I was losing my patience.

“They are the Intec. They are not a race so much as a collection of peoples from across the galaxies. They made the chip in your head.”

“The Reticents made my chip,” I insisted.

“Not yours. I changed it,” corrected Kinder.

“I thought about ripping it out after the crash.”

“But you didn’t, did you?” His panic made me glad I hadn’t.

“No, I didn’t.”

“That’s how they’ll find you.”

“The Intec?”

“Yes.”

“What are they waiting for? Now would be a pretty good time.”

“I’m not sure. Perhaps they want you to experience all the time you can here.”

“I think I’ve experienced enough now. I’d like it to be done.”

Tiber returned, smelling like blood. I cringed at the thought that it might be Recks’s, but his blood was all over me as well.

“Your turn. Let’s go,” he snarled as he cut the ropes from my arms and jerked me up. I tried to spit at him, but missed. Tiber just laughed at me.

“Anders would be proud of the butcher you’ve become, Tiber.”

“Ha! The Reticents are done for. I figure I’ll be King of Budapest instead.”

“King?”

“These people won’t know any better. They already follow me.”

“Mother, help them—”

“Mother ain’t helping anyone now.” Tiber chuckled like he was funny. He was right if what Kinder said was true. We climbed the steps of the platforms, a relic of other Cleansings I guessed. The fire’s heat was close enough to sear my eyes. I imagined the heat of Mother Sun, a thousand times greater. It was unfathomable.

The sky was a brilliant kaleidoscope now, a shower of constant color raining down on the Earth. People pointed at the dazzling sky. I gazed up myself. In all my life, I’d never seen Mother’s Love so vivid with so many colors. People knelt in awe, crying and confused. Was this how the first solar storm began?

The only person undistracted was Tiber. He shoved me closer to the fire, his excitement plain on his ugly face. He enjoyed this kind of killing too well, and I pitied him. Suddenly, night became day in a nanosecond, brighter white than any summer day. Even Tiber paused. I had no time to move or cry out at the sight of a supernova. Without warning, I plunged into darkness, a blackness without sound, light, or any sensation at all. I was sure I was dead.

When I awoke, everything was quiet and still. I opened my eyes a crack. The riot of color and screams and smoke was gone. A white room surrounded me, a white comforter lay over me, and a white pillow supported my head. I felt my body for any sign of pain. The fire was gone. Only the comfortable warmth of my body underneath the blanket remained. A bird warbled outside somewhere, and I rolled over. Where was I? It didn’t seem like Budapest anymore.

The room’s walls glowed with golden, warm sunshine which flowed in through the window. More awake now, I sat up. The view outside the window caught my eye. How can it be? Getting out of bed, I realized my dark hooded shirt and pants were gone. I was now clean and dressed in white shorts and a sleeveless top.

At the windows, I found a glass door and opened it. I stepped out onto a stone balcony overlooking an endless blue-green sea far below. The air smelled of salt and fishy things. I took a deep breath of it and wished Recks were here to see this. If I were dreaming, maybe I could dream of him too. I wrapped my arms around myself and thought of his face as hard as I could. I couldn’t see him as clearly as I should have. There were only bits and pieces in my memory: the smell of his hair, the feel of his cheek on mine.

I waited, but no one appeared. I walked along the balcony for a better view of the rocky beach and the waves lapping the shore. I wondered how to get down there. I still wasn’t sure it was real. I ran my hand along the rough stones of the balcony and sniffed the pink bougainvillea flowers, the petals as soft on my nose as any real flower.

In my mind, I ran through scenarios that could have brought me here. Were the ancients right about an afterlife? My stomach turned, reminding me I hadn’t eaten for a while. There wouldn’t be hunger in the afterlife, would there?

“Hello?” a voice called from within the villa. I rushed back to the doorway. Someone I didn’t recognize stood inside the room. My heart jumped, and I backed up against the wall, out of sight. Was I even supposed to be here?

“Alana? Are you up?” The voice was unfamiliar, a little foreign, but it didn’t sound threatening. “I brought you some food,” the person said in a strange, singsong voice.

“Who are you?” I said, not budging from my hiding place.

“You know me. I am Kinder.”

I didn’t answer. The disappointment I felt was too deep. Kinder never sounded like this. This voice was young, almost child-like.

“Are you all right?” His accent was as if he’d just learned English.

Tears welled up in my eyes. “You lie.”

“No, Alana. I only sound this way because I have returned to my true form. It is harder to make the proper sounds without a human tongue. Come see. Do not be afraid.”

“How do I know it’s you?”

“Stitch in time saves nine? Cat got your tongue?”

It did sound like something he would say, just in a more lilting tone.

“I have brought you human food. I know you must be hungry by now. It has been two days.”

That much was true. I was very hungry. I slowly stepped into the doorway; Kinder stood inside the bedroom, but I didn’t recognize him. No longer an old man, he stood tall and straight now. His limbs were longer than before with ropey muscles that showed through his pale white skin, the color of ice. His eyes and hair were steel gray, but his face appeared young. What looked like tattoos swirled over his neck, cheeks, and into his scalp. He towered over me, but his movements and demeanor were gentle and fluid. He wore the same shirt and shorts I did, but in gray.

“Kinder? What are you?”

“My planet of origin is Daecan, but it no longer exists. Now I am Intec.”

“What happened to Daecan?”

“Like Earth, it was destroyed. Come. Eat.” Kinder gestured to a tray of food on a small table by the door.

“Earth is destroyed?” Somehow I’d guessed right—I wasn’t in Italy, or even Earth. However, I wasn’t prepared for the news that Earth was gone. To hear Kinder talk about it so casually hit me in the gut and I crumbled to the floor. There was ugliness in the world I knew, but there’d been beauty too. It was hard to believe it was gone.

“Are you all right?” Kinder knelt beside me.

“No, I’m not all right. Why did the Intec do this to me? Is it some sort of punishment?”

“Not at all. It is a great honor to be a planet’s Vessel.”

Kinder’s gray eyes searched my face, clearly confused. This close to him, I could see the patterns on his cheeks and forehead were even more detailed than I first thought, intricate indentations in his skin like veins in marble. He was so oddly beautiful that I stared back at him.

“I do not understand, Alana. I thought you would be happier to have survived.”

“So I can be your lab experiment? I don’t think so. I was happy on Earth with Recks.”

“But Recks is gone,” Kinder pointed out, as if I wasn’t already painfully aware.

I laid my cheek on the cold, stone floor, unwilling to move.

“We made your room like Earth. We kept you in your human form. What more do you require?” he asked. What Kinder told me earlier about losing empathy was true. He’d never understood me.

I spoke without lifting my head. “What am I really? What do I look like?”

“I do not know your true form, but we can look it up in the archives. You would not look like me. I am the last of the Daeceans.”

“You’re a Vessel too?”

“In a way, I suppose.”

“You suppose?”

“Normally, a Vessel is someone chosen and planted among a people unbeknownst to them. I was merely saved. There was no time to plant a Vessel on my planet.” I didn’t ask any more questions. Every answer he gave me was crazier than the last anyway.

“Come eat,” he said again, getting up. I took his offered hand, which had three fingers and two thumbs on either side of his palm. It gripped my wrist tightly, but it felt like a human hand otherwise. I tried not to stare at him, but his appearance was so strange to me, so un-Kinder-like, I couldn’t help it.

“I thought you were old.”

“For Earthlings, I am. Not for a Daecean.”

I sat on the bed, and Kinder brought the tray of food to me. It was extravagant, even by Reticent standards. There were fluffy scrambled eggs, a juicy slab of pork fat, and fruits we rarely saw in Roma, even at the height of summer. The eggs reminded me of Puka. I wondered for a moment what had become of her, but then I realized.

“Did the Intec save anyone from Earth?” I asked while I ate heartily, talking with my mouth full. “Besides you and me?”

“I do not think so. Recks is the only human I would have saved. That was my recommendation.”

I looked up at him. I didn’t know he’d ever considered Recks as anything more than useful. I joined him out on the porch where he waited for me to finish eating. He looked out across the sea with those piercing eyes, deep in thought.

“He was my friend. And he kept me going when little else did.”

“Me too,” was all I could say.

“I shall replay those memories often. I will miss him.”

“What happens now, Kinder?”

He snapped out of his thoughts and trained those burning eyes on me. “There is much to do. There are uploads and debriefings to conduct with you. Most of your medical is done, but there may be more. And there is the matter of your form to be decided.”

“My form?”

“You may return to your true form if you wish.”

Without thinking, I touched my face. My scar was still there. I instantly thought of what Recks said about the exterior of things. Where was my ring? I checked and found it still on my finger. It gleamed a beautiful, deep grassy-green in the sunlight—an earth green. What if my true form didn’t have the proper kinds of fingers to wear it? What would Recks want me to be?

“Alana?”

“This is just a projected image,” I pointed to the ocean. “It’s not real, is it?”

“No.”

“Show me its true form, what lies behind it.” He looked at me, his expression a little confused or perhaps amused. Without the slightest movement from him, the view disappeared, and another view altogether replaced it. I’d only seen pictures like it in the Reticent database. It was a window into a galaxy of stars glittering in the blackness of space like jewels on a necklace strung across the universe.

“There are actually any number of forms you can choose from, if you wish.”

I stared at the worlds outside the thick glass. I’d been through more than anyone ever should in my short life, and I faced the prospect of much, much more.

“This is my true form. This is who I am now,” I told him.

“I thought you might feel that way.”

I smiled at his marble face.

“Ready to meet the Intec?”

Did I have a choice? I could delay, I supposed, but they wouldn’t let me stay here forever, would they? They needed what was locked in my head, and if Kinder was telling the truth, maybe what was in my heart.

I didn’t know if I was ready to teach anyone what it meant to be human, or what they might have to teach me. I thought of Recks’s last words to me. He ordered me to take care of myself if anything happened to him. He wanted me to live. Now, living was the only way I could honor his memory.

Kinder cocked his head to one side, silently regarding me while I considered his offer. He extended his strange, gray hand to me. I took it and followed him toward my future.

THE END

LISA T. CRESSWELL

Lisa, like most writers, began scribbling silly notes, stories, and poems at a very young age. Born in North Carolina, the South proved fertile ground to her imagination with its beautiful white sand beaches and red earth. In fifth grade, she wrote, directed and starred in a play “The Queen of the Nile” at school, despite the fact that she is decidedly un-Egyptian looking. Perhaps that’s why she went on to become a real life archaeologist? Unexpectedly transplanted to Idaho as a teenager, Lisa learned to love the desert and the wide open skies out West. This is where her interest in cultures, both ancient and living, really took root, and she became a Great Basin archaeologist. However, the itch to write never did leave for long. Her first books became the middle grade fantasy trilogy, The Storyteller Series. Her first traditionally published work, Hush Puppy, is available from Featherweight Press. Lisa currently lives and writes in Idaho with her family and a menagerie of furry critters that includes way too many llamas! You can visit her website at www.lisatcresswell.com

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Table of Contents

Prologue

Part I: Alana

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Part II: Recks

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Part III: Alana

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

About the Author

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Table of Contents

- Prologue
- Part I: Alana
- Chapter 1
- Chapter 2
- Chapter 3
- Chapter 4
- Chapter 5
- Chapter 6
- Chapter 7
- Chapter 8
- Chapter 9
- Part II: Recks
- Chapter 10
- Chapter 11
- Chapter 12
- Chapter 13
- Chapter 14
- Chapter 15
- Chapter 16
- Chapter 17
- Chapter 18
- Chapter 19
- Chapter 20
- Chapter 21
- Chapter 22
- Chapter 23
- Part III: Alana
- Chapter 24
- Chapter 25
- Chapter 26
- Chapter 27
- Chapter 28
- Chapter 29
- Chapter 30
- Chapter 31
- Chapter 32
- About the Author
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- Find More Teen Books at Month9Books.com
- Table of Contents