Royal Command
Author: Stacey Marie Brown
Date: 2020-05-13 04:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Romance; New Adult; Contemporary Romance; Contemporary
Description: Everyone thought I was living the fairytale—marrying a prince and living happily ever after. That only happens in movies. I was actually living a nightmare. A gilded cage crushing my soul. After a terrorist attack almost took my life and my bodyguard, Lennox, trapping us together, we were forced to face things we tried to deny. Feelings we could no longer ignore. Leave it to me to do the stupidest thing possible—fall for my bodyguard. But there was no fighting our hunger. Our overwhelming connection. It made me realize how much my life had been for others: my family, the royals…Theo. But once
Publisher: Twisted Fairy Publishing

Royal Command, Copyright © 2020 by Stacey Marie Brown

Smashwords Edition, License Notes:

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and her crazy friends. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. It cannot be re-sold, reproduced, scanned or distributed in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author.

All rights reserved.

Published by: Twisted Fairy Publishing Inc.

Layout by www.formatting4U.com

Cover by: Hang Le

Edited by Hollie www.hollietheeditor.com and

Edited by Mo Sytsma: mo@TheScarletSiren.com

ALSO BY STACEY MARIE BROWN

Contemporary Romance

Buried Alive

Shattered Love (Blinded Love #1)

Broken Love (Blinded Love #2)

Twisted Love (Blinded Love #3)

The Unlucky Ones

Royal Watch (Book #1)

Paranormal Romance

Darkness of Light

(Darkness Series #1)

Fire in the Darkness

(Darkness Series #2)

Beast in the Darkness

(An Elighan Dragen Novelette)

Dwellers of Darkness

(Darkness Series #3)

Blood Beyond Darkness

(Darkness Series #4)

West

(A Darkness Series Novel)

City in Embers

(Collector Series #1)

The Barrier Between

(Collector Series #2)

Across the Divide

(Collector Series #3)

From Burning Ashes

(Collector Series #4

The Crown of Light

(Lightness Saga #1)

Lightness Falling

(Lightness Saga #2)

The Fall of the King

(Lightness Saga #3)

Rise from the Embers

(Lightness Saga #4)

Descending into Madness

(A Winterland Tale #1)

Ascending from Madness

(A Winterland Tale #2)

Note To The Reader

My life has been full of incredible adventures, one of them living and working in London for five years. I was lucky enough to meet and hangout with Prince Harry many years ago while I worked as a manager for a pub Harry’s godfather owned.

We were small pub but very protective of him, always keeping his visits quiet. I saw what he went through, the press hounding him, camping outside the pub in wait. How his girlfriend at the time was pursued and written about.

Even before I started writing this book, the story had been in the back of my mind. I saw a different view of being royal than what fairytales love to tell you. Though this story is completely fiction, it is greatly inspired from my encounter with Harry, and I thank him for the inspiration.

However, I think this is more a dedication to Meghan, Kate, and Diana…because you can fall in love with the man, but it takes a strong person to love a prince.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

About The Author

Chapter 1

“Spencer, wake up.” A sting sliced through my nerves, tugging me from the darkness. “Wake. Up.”

I didn’t come quietly back from the night but was violently and suddenly tossed into consciousness.

My body lurched up, choking. My bones groaned as I arched, hacking and gulping for air. Rolling on my side, my lungs spasmed, trying to shove the gunk out. Bile coated my throat as I spit substance from my chest. Pain throbbed from every nerve in my body, but it still felt distant, like it was slowly stalking me like a predator.

“Thank god.” A hand brushed the hair away from my face, pressing a piece of fabric to my head. “You scared me for a moment.” Dim light came from a miniature keyring flashlight on the floor, giving the tiny broom cupboard definition. Sliding my gaze to the familiar shadowy figure next to me, my head tried to grasp at memories, searching for understanding.

My groggy brain took in my bodyguard squatting next to me, holding his tie against my hairline, his jacket wadded up under my head. Blood dripped from his cheekbone, neck, and forehead, his normally pristine shirt and trousers tattered and filthy. Grime coated me, covering my skin like war paint.

War.

Bomb.

Hotel.

Explosion.

Everything rushed back to me, and I sat up with a jolt, the room and my stomach spinning. “Oh, god.” My throat burned, the exclamation only coming out a whisper. “Theo? The King?”

“Whoa.” Lennox’s fingers wrapped around my arm, keeping me steady. “Go slow. You have a bad head wound. Probably a concussion.”

My fingers went up, touching the dampness soaking into my hair. I knew I was probably in shock, my body numb to the actual pain waiting underneath.

“What happened? Are they all right?” I croaked, panic thumping at my chest. The space was nothing more than a tiny storage room, but we were alive. Safe. What about everyone else?

“They are fine.” Lennox wiped at the blood trailing down his face with his arm. “Dalton has them in lockdown.”

“You know for sure?”

Lennox tapped at his earpiece. “Yes. They were far ahead of us.”

“You spoke with them?”

“Yes, but they went silent for the safety of the King’s whereabouts,” he replied. “Protocol.”

Relief fluttered at my lungs, but I still wanted to see for myself.

“Why are we still here? I want to go see Theo.” I tried to rise, shaking off his hold, but he gripped me firmly, keeping me in place. “Was anyone killed?” Though I knew there would be no way there weren’t people dead.

“I’m pretty sure, yes. At least the two bombers were.”

“We can’t just sit here. We need to help them!” I cried, shoving him away and getting to my feet. Frantic. Scared.

“We can’t.” He reached for me, but I moved around him, pushing on the door. “It’s useless. I’ve already tried. The door is blocked.”

I gritted my teeth, shoving and ramming at the exit, my stubbornness setting in, slamming my body against it. My vision blurred, my body wobbling, but I couldn’t seem to give up.

“Spencer, stop!” He yanked me back, wrapping his arms firmly around me, holding me against him, his heat and steadiness transferring to me. “You are only hurting yourself.” His deep voice rumbled in my ear. “Believe me, if there was a way, I would have gotten us out by now.”

“But…” I didn’t want to contemplate what was on the other side of the door. The death and mayhem.

Through a single tiny vent in the ceiling, I could hear sirens getting closer. Help.

But they could be coming to a scene that involved taking people to a mortuary, not a hospital. Fright gripped my lungs in its hands, squeezing. It could have been me. Lennox. Theo or the King. I was alive only because of the man next to me. He sensed it. Saved my life. But it could have gone the other way. Two steps farther, and we could have been the ones blown up.

My lungs searched for air, not able to grab any. My legs swayed under me, my vision blurring.

“Breathe, Spencer.” Lennox pressed me firmer into him, his arms wrapping around me like a blanket, his voice low and calm. “Slow. In and out.” His demand curled around me, his voice and body engulfing me. “With me. Concentrate on my heartbeat, the rhythm of my chest. Nothing else.”

I sucked in through my nose, then exhaled, my lids closing, zeroing in on him. Thump. Thump. In. Out. His breath and heart were steady, soothing, bringing me back down as I tried to match his rhythm.

“You’ve done this before.” I breathed out. It wasn’t really a question. He had a dominance and ease to him. He had done this a lot.

“Yeah,” he murmured against my hair. “PTSD can come out of nowhere. I had to learn to defuse it. Being in charge of my troop, there were many times I had to talk one of my men back down. Sometimes that person was me.”

I stayed quiet, knowing nothing I could say would make what he went through, what he saw, any better. Sorry felt feeble on my lips. He was the one calming me when this probably had to be a huge trigger for him.

Exhaling again, I eased back, expecting him to let go. He didn’t.

Where the entire world around was dull and dark, he was vibrant and loud. His palm pressed into my diaphragm, the other wrapping securely around my hip as his frame flattened against mine. Adrenaline flooded my veins. My focus became hyperaware, my body responding to the feel of him against me.

Hard. Heavy. Hot.

Rubbing into my ass.

My heart started pounding again, the pulse tapping at my neck, expanding my chest—this time for completely different reasons. As if he sensed the change, his breath shifted, his fingers digging into my hip.

What the fuck, Spencer? You were almost blown up by a bomb. Theo is probably somewhere in this building, wanting to get to you.

“I’m fine now.” I jerked out of his grip briskly, brushing my bloody tangled hair out of my face. “Thanks.”

He cleared his throat, his hands going to his hips, taking a deep breath.

“They know we’re in here, right?” I looked back at the door as if the fire brigade would magically break through right then. “We have to get out. I need to see Theo.”

“They know we’re okay, but we’re not important.”

“What? I think Theo—”

“Doesn’t matter what Theo thinks or says.” He cut me off, irritation lining his forehead. “There is protocol. The King and Prince are the priority, even if it’s against their wishes. Getting them secure and safe is number one. Then I hope anyone needing medical attention would be next. We are alive and secure. We are not a priority.”

I lowered my head in shame, rubbing at my chest. He was right. I would rather those really needing help get it first. “What happened?”

“The attack was not meant for our leaders. We were just casualties of something that’s been going on for centuries and will probably never have a resolution, only more pain and death.” He stirred on his feet, his forehead creasing with grief and darkness. “I should know. I saw enough of it. Lost too many comrades to the senseless battle. You think you kill the bad guy, but a dozen more pop up in his place, even more evil and demented.”

I leaned against the door, watching Lennox pace, filling the space even where his body didn’t touch. The room was only two by three meters, but he had a presence that filled every corner, whether you were in a ballroom or a closet.

“No matter how tight you think the security is, there are always ways. I didn’t see the second bomber, but I got a glimpse of the first guy. The man was dressed in a hotel chef’s jacket. He probably was planted here months ago.”

He paused, running his hand absently through his hair, before his gaze fell heavily on me, his nose wrinkling.

“Fuck. You’re bleeding bad.” He swiped his tie off the ground, stepping back to me. My muscles locked up as he leaned into me, gently pressing the silky fabric to my head. “Head wounds bleed like a bitch.”

I hissed through my teeth, the sting forcing me to bite down on my lip.

“You okay?” he uttered huskily, his gaze lowering to mine.

He was too close. Too much. “Yeah.” I tried to back away, flattening myself against the door, trying to ignore the way my heart thumped against my ribs.

“I really want to clean your wound before it gets too infected.”

“With what?” I took a moment to study the space. His flashlight exposed brooms, dirty mops, a wheelie mop bucket, and bottles of different cleaners lined on the floor against the wall. “Floor cleaner?”

“If I have to.” He shrugged. “Clorox isn’t the best, but it will have to do.” He motioned for me to sit.

“Bleach? You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope.” He crouched down, grabbing the white bottle of bleach.

“Hell no.”

“Why?” He glanced back at me. “Afraid of a little sting?”

“A little?” I scoffed.

“Never took you for a weenie.”

“Weenie?” I sputtered, the word sounding funny coming from his lips.

“Chicken better?” He tipped bleach on his silk tie. “It’s this, or I’ll have to cut off your head because it’s infected and festering.”

I snorted. My head was already beyond help. And it seemed more to do with him than the wound.

“I’ll let you torture me back.” He patted the ground. “Fair is fair.”

An evil grin turned up my mouth. “Now that sounds like fun.”

“Thought it might entice you.” He smirked, his gaze sliding over me and watching me lower to my knees in front of him.

“I will never miss an opportunity to torture you.”

A strange snort came from him, and he muttered, “Don’t I know it.” He reached up, his eyes finding mine. “Brace yourself.”

My jaw locked down, and I sat farther back on my heels as he patted around the wound.

Sizzling.

Agony.

“Holy mother bugger fucker!” I frothed through my teeth, my hands clamping down on his thighs, needing something to hold on to. My eyes instantly watered, the fumes sticking in my throat. “Bloody blighter.”

“Such a dirty mouth for a noble lady.” He sniggered, tapping closer to the cut.

“Fuck off, arsehole.” My nails dug into his firm legs, only making him laugh harder. I sucked in, trying not to pass out. I had many injuries over the years. A farm girl was always bruised, cut, or had some kind of lesion. I was tough. I’ve suffered broken bones, stitches, and sprains…and I would have them all again if I could forgo experiencing bleach being poured into an open wound.

“Ouch,” he yelped, my hands squeezing him harder. “Damn, Duchess. You’ve got a powerful grip there.”

“I hate you,” I seethed.

He only grinned.

“Payback will be such a bitch.” My teeth cracked together as he swiped over my hairline. Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up.

“I’m counting on it,” he replied. His voice was even, but my heart still loped sideways in my chest, sweat trickling down my back. It’s from the pain, Spencer. Not him.

He leaned in, my body going still as he blew softy on the cut. His breath ghosted over my skin, crawling down my neck and underneath the torn dress, flicking at my nipples.

Freezing, my throat bobbed at the rush of heat covering my skin.

“Done.” He inclined away from me, his brow furrowing at whatever he saw on my face. “You all right?”

“Yeah,” I croaked, taking the tie from him, my tongue sliding over my bottom lip. What was wrong with me? He was attractive, sure. Okay, some might say smoking hot, which still didn’t seem to do him justice. But normally someone’s looks faded in my eyes, their personality making them attractive or not. Why was I so flustered around him?

We had hated each other…at one time. When did that change?

“Hey.” He tipped his head, snatching up my attention. “Thought you’d be all over this part.”

“Right.” I forced the thoughts from my head, pouring bleach on the tie, rising on my knees.

“Do your worst.” He tilted up his face to me. The cuts below his eye and on his head were still moist from fresh blood.

I wiped the fabric across his cheek, and a deep grunt jolted his spine, his hands clamping down on my hips. “Fuuucck, it stings.” He huffed, his jaw twitching, clamping down each time I touched him. His nose flared, his forehead dampening. “I take it back.” Each word was a struggle. “You are not a weenie.”

“Thank you.” I smiled, trying to concentrate on my duty and not the way his large hands gripped my hips—possessively, intimately, like they were his to hold.

They feel so good. I bit down against the thoughts slipping through my head, the way my chest hummed when his fingers pressed into my skin, his pinkies skimming my ass.

Spencer. Stop.

Sucking in, I zeroed in on cleaning his wound, trying to get my mind off the way his hands felt on me, how close I was to his mouth.

“So…you and Hazel, huh?” Instead of sounding flippant or as a friend asking another, it came out awkward and strange.

Leave it to me.

He tilted his head. “What about Hazel?”

“Nothing. I mean, I saw her this morning.” I shrugged, moving to a cut near his temple.

“If you want to know something, Spencer, ask me.” He flinched as the cloth hit his fresh injury. “I don’t do passive shite.”

“It’s none of my business.”

“This is the second time you’ve brought it up. Clearly, something is bothering you. So just say it.”

“What? You two make a perfect couple…though Katy is going to be devastated.”

“Jesus.” He dropped his hands. Pushing away from me, he got to his feet, his features laced with ire. “Passive-aggressive does not suit you. Say what you want to say.”

I stood; the feeling he could see right through me had me scrambling to lock up my walls.

“There’s nothing to say. Though screwing Hazel when you’re in the palace, across from my room, supposedly watching me…kind of tacky.”

“I was off duty. Got you safely tucked in your bed. Not that you made it fuckin’ easy for me.” He tipped his head, a nerve twitching along his jaw. Another sliver of a memory slid to the back of my mind. Us at the club. Touching him. Wanting him. I was about to kiss him.

Bloody hell.

My head snapped to the side, cheeks flaming with chagrin. The rest of the night was still vague, though the inkling I had done a striptease for him in my room flooded me with humiliation.

“What I do in my time off, and who I do it with, is my business.” He stepped into my face. “Tell me, why do you care who I screw? I’m only your hired help, right? The lowly staff you will soon be able to order about, to hold your clutch purse at events.”

“Fuck you,” I snapped. “That’s not me.” I was the girl who rode through mud and water, who mucked pig slop and didn’t care when I smelled like sweat and horses. Who wanted to be with the animals, saving them, helping them, protecting them.

At least I used to be.

“The girl I first met sat on top of the table, ate pizza while covered in horsehair, and had a wickedly blunt mouth.” He stepped up to me. I only took one step back, and my spine pressed into the wall, having nowhere to go. He pressed one hand against the wall next to my head. “What happened to her? She was full of life.”

“She’s still here.” But was she? I felt like I was losing touch with my dreams, my life…my soul.

“Okay, then tell me.” He moved in closer, his shoes nipping at my toes, his figure looming over me. “Why do you care who I sleep with?”

“I don—”

“Spencer,” he growled, my lungs clutching for oxygen as shivers ran through my body, my core tightening.

“Because…” I whispered, my neck twisting to the side, not able to look at him.

“Why?” He grabbed my chin roughly, turning it back to him, zipping fuel into my veins.

I knew I could tell him to back off, to take his hands off me, to leave me alone. He would obey without a word.

I could.

I should.

But a truth I didn’t want to accept ran over me like a trolley. I didn’t want him to.

The bomb could have easily taken me.

How to curtsy so you wouldn’t insult people, the correct dinner fork, the perfect dress, the proper way to wave. It was all meaningless, even our property. We were all alive. We had each other. Everything else was insignificant.

“Tell me, Spencer. Be honest with me for just a moment.”

“You don’t think I’m being honest?” I pushed against his grip, challenging him. “Are you being so honest?”

“What do you want to know?” He dropped his hand from my face, placing it on the other side of my head, boxing me in. “Ask.”

My mouth pressed together.

“You’re too afraid to ask.”

“Ask what?”

“How I feel when I watch Theo come out of your bedroom.”

Air sharply huffed through my nose, my entire body boiling with heat. “But you hate me.”

“Fuck, did I try.” He waggled his head. “I really tried.”

“Why?” I peered up at him. “The moment you met me, you treated me like I was beneath you.”

A harsh chuckle vibrated his chest. “Yeah, I wanted to hate you from then too.”

He shoved off the wall, moving away from me. Folding my arms, I tried to fend off the urge to reach back for him.

“During training, Theo couldn’t stop talking about you, showing us your picture. Jesus, we were all sick of hearing your name. He was so young and naïve compared to us jaded arseholes. Had no understanding of loss in life, just rainbows and unicorns. And you rode over all of them.” He tipped back against the door, rubbing at his neck. “I hated the world. There was nothing but darkness…then I saw you.” He exhaled a flimsy laugh. “I realized you were my punishment.”

“Punishment for what?”

His eyes met mine. “I used to be a Theo. Naïve and clueless to how cruel life can be. Gracie grew up on the neighboring farm. We were young and thought ourselves so in love. Funny what you’ll ignore, the truths you keep shoving away, so you will fit. She never wanted to leave the farm, and I couldn’t wait to go. She was sweet, timid, and would have given into me about anything. And I was too young and stupid to have noticed her sacrificing everything for me. So, life decided to show me…”

I didn’t move or speak, afraid he’d stop.

“I had been desperate for us to have sex. And finally, she agreed. We were swimming in the lake with my sister, Daisy, and our make-out session was getting really hot and heavy. So we went around the barn.” He swallowed, looking up.

My stomach sank, already knowing where this was going. I knew what had happened to his sister.

“Not a sound. Not one thing told me she needed me. I came back with a huge smile on my face, practically bouncing. I remember calling out for her, walking back up to lake…” His throat bobbed. “I saw her in the middle…face down…floating. She had an asthma attack and drowned.”

I rolled my lips together, emotion wetting my eyes.

“I tried to save her, but it was too late. She died because, at fifteen, all I could think about was shagging my girlfriend for the first time. My sister is dead because I wasn’t there for her.”

“Lennox.” I traveled to him, not sure what to say. What do you even say to something like that?

Wrapping my arms around his waist, I let my body speak instead. He wiggled against me, trying to step away, but I didn’t relent until he sighed, his arms curling around me.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Me too.” He stepped back, clearing his throat. “My parents died a few years later, and the moment I turned eighteen, I enrolled in the military to get away.”

“And Gracie?”

“She married some arsehole who didn’t truly love her. Made her so depressed, she tried to kill herself by overdosing on sleeping pills.”

“Holy. Fuck.” I blurted, my mouth falling open. The tragedy in his life was so heart wrenching and endless.

A slight smile hinted on Lennox’s mouth, his fingers rubbing at his scruff, his eyes piercing me. “There she is.”

“Bloody hell, Lennox.” I shook my head. “I am so sorry.”

He scoured his chin. “I’ve never told anyone about Daisy.”

“And you told me.”

“Yeah, well, most likely no one will find us, and you’ll kill me and eat me for nutrients.” He shrugged.

“Wow, that escalated quickly.”

“You saying you wouldn’t eat me?”

“I’m so not answering that.”

He smirked, pushing off the door, stepping up to me. “You’re still bleeding. Here. Good thing, it doesn’t look like you have a concussion.” He tugged the tie from my fingers, looping it around my head, cinching it in like a bandana, the tail dangling down one of my shoulders. A slight smile tugged the side of his mouth, his eyes on mine. “Start a new trend.” I couldn’t look away; his gaze was a force field I couldn’t fight. His eyes ran over me, his chest taking in a pull of air before he muttered in my ear. “Just so you know…I would totally eat you.”

Heat squeezed at my legs, desire flaming up my nerves. I almost didn’t care which way he meant it.

Shite.

His head suddenly jerked, his finger going to his ear. “Yeah, we’re here,” Lennox spoke into his com, jolting me to him with hope and relief. His brow furrowed, his attention going to the door as if he could see through it. “Seriously?” More silence.

“What?” I asked him. He shook his head, bowing to listen to whoever was speaking on the other end.

“Yeah. I understand.” He blew out. “Not like we have choice…yeah…I will tell her. Okay. Thanks, mate.” Lennox lifted his head to me, pulling out his earpiece.

“What?”

“Good news is Theo and the King are safe and back at the palace.”

“Okay.” Weariness lowered my lids. “The bad?”

“I guess half the ceiling fell in during the second explosion,” he tapered off, flicking his chin at the door.

“And they can’t get to us.”

“They’re trying, but they have to go slow because of…” He scratched at drying blood on his cheek.

“Dead bodies.”

“No, it’s the live ones they’re going slow for.”

My shoulders sagged, but my head bobbed, my hands going to my hips. “We’re alive and safe. So we wait. It’s fine.”

“It might be all night.”

Staring up at him, nerves danced around in my stomach. Being locked in with him was not safe for me.

“Oh, Dalton told me to tell you Theo says he loves you and is thinking about you.”

I couldn’t even stop my flinch at hearing those words coming out of Lennox’s mouth, bothering and confusing me far more than I wanted to admit. A deep-seated fear the words said by one and sentiment coming from another were flipped upside down.

Everything inside me felt like the bomb had torn me open like a piñata, spilling truth and awareness I didn’t want to examine all over the floor in utter chaos.

Please, someone, get us out of here soon…

Chapter 2

Thirsty.

Exhausted.

Hungry.

And bloody hell, did I have to pee.

“I already told you, there’s a bucket right there.” Lennox nodded toward the yellow mop pail, watching me shift uncomfortably on the floor. He sat across from me, his back against the wall, his legs stretching out next to mine. I was trying to hold it, hoping someone would open the door at any moment and let us out, but the hours ticked by, making my need overwhelm my pride over urinating in a bucket in front of him.

“Come on, farm girl, don’t tell me you haven’t peed in the bushes instead of going all the way back to the house.”

“All the time.” I curled my knees higher into my chest. “When I was little. And I think this is slightly different.”

“I promise I will face the wall.”

I snorted, the tug straining my muscles around my stomach.

“Never thought of you as the modest type.” He stood suddenly, and I jerked my head up to him. “Well, I have to go. When you’ve had the runs in the middle of a desert with an entire platoon with you, you tend to lose your modesty.”

“Ugh. I didn’t need to know that.”

“What I’m saying is you can watch if you want to.” He winked, turning his back to me. The sound of his zipper raked down my spine like a xylophone. My lungs clenched as my eyes curved over his arse, imagining the tattoo underneath.

My cheeks burned with embarrassment at the sound of liquid hitting plastic, not because I was listening to him pee, but because this felt extremely intimate. I would never even think about being like this with Theo, even if it was him who was locked in here with me. He was far too proper. It would feel awkward and wrong. But underneath his suit, Lennox was raw, real, and visceral, making you feel so alive and aware, cutting through all the bullshite.

Wrapping my arms around my legs, this foreign feeling of utter awareness of him stole the air from the room, dampening my skin and rushing my lungs.

Afraid.

Angry.

Guilty.

I hated it. He challenged me, scared the crap out of me, and jumbled everything I thought I understood.

“Your turn, Duchess.” He twisted back to me, watching me as he zipped back up.

“Please don’t call me that.” I got to my feet, glaring up at him. Fine, he wanted to see if the country girl would take his dare? Keeping my eyes on him, I moved around him to the bucket, his eyes tracking my every move. I positioned myself, my fingers sliding down to the bottom of the A-line flowery dress they put me in, curling around the hem.

His shoulders rose as his chest filled.

I should have told him to turn away, give me some semblance of privacy, but the words caught in my throat, something shifting in that moment. The cage I had been living it now rubbed against my bones, feeling itchy and confining. My world had become so small in its grandeur—everything above standard, perfect, by the book. As a child, I liked to color out of the lines, but after years of being told to conform, I did to keep the peace. Lennox was pushing me out of the boxes everyone put me in, making me question myself. My limits. My rules.

The space between us grew thick with tension—a dare.

My hands curled up my skirt, tugging at my knickers, slowly sliding them down my legs.

He sucked in, his expression unaffected, but his chest moved rapidly, his throat bobbing. I didn’t break my gaze from him as I did my business, wanting to push this boundary within myself. To see where my lines were drawn.

My heart pounded, but it only took a few moments to realize I wasn’t ashamed or uncomfortable. All my issues yammering in my head weren’t really mine, but society’s opinions berating me, telling me how I should think, respond, and feel.

Neither of us looked away, the flashlight glinting off the gold flecks ringing his pupils, making him appear like a feral animal in the dark.

Tugging my panties back up, I straightened, feeling strangely confident. Strolling back around Lennox, my shoulder brushed his as I went back to my place on the floor, feeling a hundred times better.

Lennox didn’t move. His back facing me, he stared at the ground, taking in deep breaths.

I affected him.

And I liked that.

Too much.

The poise I felt a moment ago crumbled around me, and a truth I wanted to ignore, to tear up into little bits, bounced up to the surface, dancing on my chest, not letting me disregard it as something else.

I knew it had been there a while. Longer than I wanted to admit to myself.

Curling into a ball, I faced the wall, squeezing my lids, air struggling to fully touch my lungs. Awareness came with a harsh price. Once you welcomed it, you couldn’t hide from it.

Brutal.

Cruel.

I heard him lowering himself to the ground next to me, the heat of his body reaching for me like fingers, crawling over my skin, consuming me.

My awareness became its own entity in the room. A conscious, living and breathing monster, switching every nerve I had in my body to high.

“Spencer?” My name on his lips pulsed desire through me, crunching me into a tighter ball. “Hey.” His palm grazed my shoulder.

Don’t touch me. Panic flayed around at the base of my neck, grinding my teeth together. My emotions were riding high being locked in this small space with him, and after our brush with death, the craving to feel every bit of life throbbed through my body.

“I’m sorry. I should have turned away. I crossed the line.”

I twisted my head around to look at him. That’s why he thinks I’m upset? Because he watched me pee?

“Theo’s my mate…you’re his girl.” He dug his knuckles into the space between his brows, breathing out. “I can’t seem to think clearly.”

“Why?” I whispered.

He peered down at me, then looked away, shaking his head. “You don’t want to know.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Spencer…” he rumbled, danger twitching his cheek. “You don’t. Trust me. And if you push me…it’s not something that can be taken back.”

“Tell me.” Sitting up, I pushed against the fragile barrier, knowing a dam was about to break. “You said all I had to do was ask.”

“Fuck,” he muttered, running a hand through his tousled locks, dried blood and dirt clinging to his fingers and hair. “You really want to take everything from me, don’t you?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“My job.” His gaze tore into me, fury straining his features. “My sanity.”

“Why?”

“Jesus, woman…because of you,” he roared, standing, moving away from me. “You make me lose my bloody mind. I tried to hate you. Wanted you to hate me. I tried to keep you at arm’s length. I even tried other women.”

Standing up, I gritted my jaw together, feeling like I had been sucker-punched.

“I failed.” He tossed up his arms, glowering at me. “You happy now?”

Happy? That wasn’t the right word, but I felt…something. It was the same as him.

“What happened the other night?” I licked my lip, staring at the ground, folding my arms.

“What?” Confusion laced the word.

“At the club? After the club?” My neck hot and sticky, I tugged my grimy hair over one shoulder.

“You were high and drunk.”

“I tried to kiss you, didn’t I?” I inhaled, my shoulders rising like a guardrail.

“You weren’t really in your right mind. You probably thought I was Theo.”

I could see he was trying to let me off the hook, let me have a way out. If I took it, it only felt like another cage.

“I didn’t.”

His head darted to the side, his jaw rolling.

“You were on E, so you’d want to touch anything or anybody.”

“But I wanted to kiss you.”

“Spencer.” It was a warning. Stop now.

“Believe me, you think I want to feel this? I feel sick to my stomach. I’m so confused, but I can’t ignore it anymore. Today made me realize how fast life can be taken away and how much of my life is for others. I feel I’ve lost who I am and what I really want. I’m walking down this road that I don’t think I even want to be on.” I croaked, the admittance ash on my tongue, bitter and harsh. “I hate myself because I should be happy. I have what everyone wants, and I’m miserable.” The words wouldn’t stop flowing from my mouth. “This morning I found out my uncle has gambled away our entire fortune, my cousin was forced into military camp, my best friend pretty much doesn’t like me anymore, but you know what hurt the worst? When I saw Hazel come out of your room…”

Lennox leaned back on the wall, his hands scouring at his face, a low growl vibrating up his chest.

“You have every right to be with her, and I have no right to be upset.”

“Fuckin’ ironic.” A spiteful laugh juddered from him. “You know why I was even with her? Because of you.”

“Me?”

“After your little striptease…” he spat, stepping into me. “Fuck, do you know how hard it was to walk away? To not touch you? You were everything I couldn’t and shouldn’t want and everything I did. I needed to forget you, to do anything to not turn back around and crawl into bed with my mate’s girl. With my charge.” He growled through his teeth, pushing me back into the wall. “I can’t have you. So no, you don’t get to judge who I fuck so I don’t think of you.”

Desire bolted up my thighs like a firecracker, surging through me, my body curving into him, my hips brushing against his.

“Stop,” he snarled.

“I shouldn’t have these feelings. I shouldn’t be so aware when you enter a room. My heart shouldn’t beat like crazy, nor should my skin flush when you touch or look at me.”

“Spen-cer…”

“I thought you were all about being honest!” I dared, and I couldn’t seem to stop. Pushing. Forcing. “I’m being honest.”

“You just went through a life and death—”

“Don’t do that.” I pushed at his chest, but he didn’t move an inch. “Don’t belittle me or my feelings.”

“I’m not.” He pinned me harder against the wall, the outline of his cock pressing into me, flooding me with need. “I’m trying to save you.”

“Save me?” I snorted.

“From doing something you can’t take back.” His physique completely engulfed mine, creating a longing to be consumed entirely by him, the desire so strong, tears built up behind my lids.

It would be so easy. One zipper, one slip of fabric…

“Words are easy to brush away. To deny later because of the emotional circumstances.” He pulled back enough that my hips instantly reached out for him, craving his friction against me. “Actions are harder to ignore.”

He took another step away from me. I felt empty. Cold. He was trying to protect me. I understood that, but I no longer felt in control. I didn’t care what was right or wrong. Sensible or foolish. This felt more important than that. If I didn’t act, I never would. I’d become a robot in my own life.

My hand shoved into his chest, slamming him against the wall, my pulse thumping in my ears.

He huffed out of his nose, watching me as I went up on my toes. “Spencer,” he breathed. A final warning.

My mouth grazed his, nipping softly at his top lip. A deep rumble came from him, his hands gripping the back of my head, his fingers digging in roughly, igniting electricity through my blood. He held my face in place for a beat, his gaze hungry and severe.

His mouth crashed down on mine. Brutal. Demanding. Feral. Burning. Everything in me detonated. I wanted more. I wanted him to consume all of me. Destroy what was left.

Boomboomboom.

The sound jarred through the tiny space, and the door tore open, flooding the dark closet with harsh light. I flinched with the assault.

“Got them,” an emergency crew member holding a crowbar called behind him, smirking. “They’re fine.”

“My lady? Lennox?” Dalton popped up right behind the man. “You guys…” He stopped, his gaze racing between us, his mouth slamming shut.

Oh god.

Lennox yanked away from me in a blink, turning for the door, his shoulders expanding as he went into bodyguard mode.

It was too late. Dalton saw us.

“We’re all right.” Lennox’s voice sounded firm. Formal. “How are the King and Prince?”

“They are fine.” Dalton’s gaze stayed on him. “Worried about Ms. Sutton, of course.”

“Of course.” Lennox motioned for me to exit first, not a bit of emotion in his face or voice. “My lady?”

A few crew members grabbed my arms, helping me through the rubble that used to be the kitchen. Blood and guts were smeared over debris, yellow tape, and body bags, while police and government officials crawled like ants over every inch. Staring at a body being zipped up in a morgue bag, I realized how lucky I was. Would I be one of those if Lennox hadn’t hidden us in a storage room?

EMT’s waited for me on the other side of the room to check me out.

“Glad to see you are all right,” Dalton said to me, his attention flashing to the tie wrapped around my head. “Theo was so worried about you. He wanted to be here. But as you know, he couldn’t. Protocol.”

“Of course.” Shame lodged in my throat, sticking me like a pin cushion, though I couldn’t fight the slight unreasonable irritation that he wasn’t here. I knew as the prince he couldn’t, but nothing would stop me from being there for him if he had almost been blown up into pieces. Protocol or not. “Thank you.”

A sadness pinched his mouth, but oddly it didn’t feel judgmental, which made me feel worse. “The EMTs are waiting to take you to the hospital.”

“I’m fine.”

“It’s procedure. No matter how you feel, royals have to be cleared by a doctor.”

“I’m not royal.”

Dalton’s dipped his head. “You are to the house.”

Fuck. Just stab me in the heart.

I moved forward, numbly letting the EMT’s put me into an ambulance and rush me off to a hospital.

“Ma’am?” A woman in the back leaned over me, worry striking her face. “Why do you smell like bleach? Did you ingest any?”

“No.” I laughed, clutching the tie she had ripped off my head, needing the bit of comfort. A digital clock attached to one of the machines blinked at me: 12:02 PM. The next day.

Right now, I was supposed to be in Lord William’s office, begging for a reprieve for my family.

“Whatever you have to do, Spencer. Because if you don’t make it, or you try and go around me and tell your fiancé, I will not only tell the press about your family woes, and let me say not all actions of your family were legal, but I will also tell them about your affair with your bodyguard.”

I burst out laughing. Crazed. Wild. “There’s no affair!”

It was like William saw what was coming.

Predicted…

The cruel ironic twist.

Chapter 3

The IV rehydrating me dripped into my veins, the muffled sounds of staff and patients in the hall tapping at my semi-conscious mind. Exhaustion muffled Heidi’s incessant yammering on her mobile in the corner, her heels clicking over the tile back and forth as she juggled calls and emails.

I was in a fancy private room far away from “normal” civilians, located in the private section of the hospital, the Royal House sending my assistant and other PR staff to “manage” the situation. I understood Theo wouldn’t be able to come to the hospital either. It would be a logistical nightmare for everyone, but the hole in my chest didn’t seem to care. And Heidi’s treatment of me, as if my getting hurt was a huge nuisance to the house, didn’t help.

At first, I could do nothing but watch the news play on the large flat screen on the wall, carnage looping over and over on the telly. The reports were exactly what Lennox said—suicide bombers trying to take out the cruel dictator ruling their land.

Did they succeed?

Karma seemed to protect the truly evil, plucking off the ones around. Their leader may be injured but well enough to already be on a private jet heading back to his country. He lived while almost everyone around him—innocent hotel staff and his own bodyguards—were killed.

Twenty-seven lives gone. And how easily Lennox and I could have been added to the list.

Just a few seconds, and we could be dead…

Tightness clutched my lungs, stirring me on the bed with terror.

The doctor said I seemed fine, in shock, but physically all right. He still wanted me to stay until all the results were back, not willing to take a chance on letting me go prematurely and then finding something wrong. The press would eat him alive for risking the Prince’s girlfriend.

The news of the royal family being part of this terrorist attack was huge news, and even more so after they learned I was trapped inside. They even caught footage of me being put into the ambulance. They licked up the juicy drama of me entombed in the rubble of the hotel like cream. I suddenly became the hottest news around.

The media darling.

“No, she will not do a private interview with your paper when only the other day you called her the ‘Sham Princess!’” Heidi’s snotty tone clipped loudly in the room. “I guess this is a lesson for you guys to be careful what you write about the royal family.” She pulled the cell away from her ear, shaking her head. “Bastard.”

Instantly, it buzzed again with another call.

“Celina.” She chirped into the phone. “How are you, darling?” Her tone totally switched, oozing with arse-kissing fakeness. “I know. So heroic. What she went through was terrifying, epic, and heartbreaking. What a fabulous article for Harper’s Bazaar, don’t you think?

Ugh. I rolled onto my side away from her, trying to shut her out.

“Get the fuck out.” A deep voice thundered from the doorway behind me, my eyes bolting open, but I didn’t move, freezing at hearing Lennox’s demand race across the room.

“Celina, can you hold on a moment? Thank you.” Heidi spoke sweetly to her, then in a beat, her tone shifted. “You do not tell me what to do. You are a bodyguard, and you certainly do not give me orders.”

“I do if it has to do with her welfare.” I didn’t have to see him to know his expression was tight, anger humming in the air. “Take your phone call outside.” It was not a suggestion.

I heard her huff, heels clacking over the floor and out the door, her voice continuing on the cell down the hallway.

My heart thumped in my chest, not one muscle budging, while I tried to keep my breath even.

He moved farther into the room, and I could feel him looking at me, his gaze boring into my back, tingling my skin. It was impossible to ignore his presence, to try to deny what had happened between us. He was right. Words I could have waved off, saying the intense situation made me say things I didn’t mean, and he gave me every chance to stop. But I crashed forward. It was me who pushed.

“What the hell are you doing?” Dalton’s voice muttered quietly from the doorway, locking my jaw together.

“My job,” Lennox replied objectively. “She’s still my responsibility, right?”

“Yes.”

“I’m protecting my charge.”

“Don’t give me your shite, Lennox,” Dalton said briskly. “You can lie to yourself, but not me.”

“What? You know me now?”

“Yeah, I do. I’ll admit I didn’t like you at first, but that changed. I respect you, Lennox…too much to let you do this to yourself.”

Silence.

“She’s with Theo.”

“I know.”

“Then let me ask again. What are you doing?”

A heavy sigh came from Lennox. “I don’t know.”

“Jesus, mate. She is not one you can fool around with.”

“I know that,” Lennox barked back. “Nothing is going on.”

“I know what I saw…and that wasn’t nothing.”

A frustrated growl rolled through the room. Through my lashes, I could see a hint of Lennox, leaning back against the wall, his hand scrubbing at his face and over his head.

“You need to get your head on straight. Get it together. Like you don’t already have enough problems to deal with.” Dalton said. “This one is off limits, Lennox. You know I care about you. I also care about her and Theo. Nothing good can come from this.”

“You think I want this?” he hissed. “This is the last thing I ever wanted.”

“I get it…believe me. I know what it’s like to want something you can’t have.” Dalton exhaled, a sadness in his declaration. I wondered if he was talking about Eloise. There was more between them than simply him guarding her. “But she’s not yours, and she won’t ever be. You need to come to terms with that now. Because I will take you off her security. She comes first. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Do you?”

“Yes! And her protection has always come first. I resent you even questioning that.” Ire bounded from him. “This was a slip. A mistake. She was almost killed. Things get jumbled in situations like that. It will never happen again.”

“Make sure it doesn’t. She will soon be more than a girlfriend. She’ll be a princess. I need to trust you understand she is completely forbidden. This has no good ending for you. If even a hint of this gets out and with your situation and past…”

“I. Get. It.” Lennox seethed through his teeth.

There were a few beats of silence.

“Have you gotten checked out yet? That cut looks bad.”

“I’m fine. Not the first bombing I’ve gone through.”

“If you need to go talk to someone…”

“I said I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Dalton replied, not sounding like he believed him. “Theo wanted me here, anyway. I’ll watch her. Why don’t you take a walk?”

Lennox started to speak.

“That isn’t an option,” Dalton sternly cut in. “Take a walk. Go see her. Get your priorities and head on straight.”

See her?

Lennox sighed, muttering under his breath. “Call me if anything changes.”

“Yeah.”

“Even if they find a scratch they didn’t see before.”

“I get it. Now, go.”

Lennox grunted under his breath, his shoes hitting the tile, slowly fading away.

Slip. Mistake. Stabs of rejection and hurt twisted in my chest, squeezing my lids together. Did I regret kissing him now we were out and back in the real world? I wanted to. I mean, I really, really wanted to. Guilt consumed me, but I couldn’t deny if the situation happened all over again, I would do it again. I hoped my feelings would change once we were out, but like most truths, once this came to light, it wouldn’t go away.

I had feelings for Lennox, feelings that couldn’t be brushed aside.

I loved Theo, but something had woken up inside me, and I didn’t think I could go back. As if I lived years in that storage closet, I came out a different person, realizing my feelings for Theo might not be enough.

What I had to give up might be too steep a price for me.

“Spencer!” My name was howled through the evening like a war chant, lodging fear deep into my chest. The house PR gave me talking points, encouraging me to speak to the press and show how amazing and strong I was.

I felt anything but.

Weak and shaky, my legs wobbled on the heels Heidi had brought me to wear, rubbing against the torn skin on the pads of my feet. The PR team had sent a whole outfit for me to wear leaving the hospital, so I would look put together for the cameras crowding the other side of the street, snapping and taping my every move.

Dalton took one look at me and got me into the car instead, leaving Heidi bubbling with irritation on the sidelines to deal with the paparazzi.

“Thank you,” I whispered when he got me settled in, his empathic coffee brown eyes finding mine.

“You don’t need to deal with that. What you’ve been through…you need to be home and feel safe. Plus, he’d kill me if I let any of those bloodsuckers get near you. He told me to bring straight home.”

“Who’d kill you? Theo?”

“No.” Dalton looked away. “Not Theo.”

“Oh.”

I didn’t ask where Lennox went, but I was constantly looking for him, wanting to see him, which was exactly why I didn’t ask. Dalton was right, this had no good ending. For either of us.

On the entire drive home, cars and motorcycles chased us, trying to get pictures of me, hounding the car until we pulled into the private drive, the pursuit over.

Theo ran down the steps the moment Dalton opened the car door, helping me out of the SUV.

“I am so glad you are all right.” Theo’s arms wrapped tightly around me. “I was going crazy here, not able to get to you.” He clutched my face, tipping it back. I cringed as his palms rubbed at my tender flesh. The blast had caused a burn over my skin, which was really starting to register. “You know I wanted to be there, right? But protocol—”

I was starting to hate that word. “I understand.” I nodded, taking his hands off my face and stepping back.

“You don’t know scared I was, knowing you were back there when the bomb went off. The thought of anything happening to you…” He drew me back in, crushing me to his chest, his lips brushing my hair. “I love you so much, Spencer.”

My stomach burned at his declaration. I thought seeing him would make me feel better. Set everything right in my head. My heart.

Back to normal.

Back in love.

I knew we needed to talk, but right then, the demand to close my eyes and sleep for days took over everything. The trauma my body had gone through had really set in, the adrenaline wearing off. My bones ached, my head throbbed, my skin burned, and my muscles screamed in agony.

The doctor released me with heavy painkillers and his personal number to call him if I started feeling worse. He wanted to keep me overnight, but Heidi said the palace wanted me home. Their personal doctor would be on call for me.

I wanted to go home. But to my home. To my family.

“I need to call my parents.” I broke away from Theo again, everything hurting where he touched, and headed up the stairs. He clutched my elbow, walking close to me, making me itchy and claustrophobic.

“I had my assistant call them, keeping them up to date. They wanted to drive down immediately, but we convinced them you were being properly looked after and there was no point. They will see you tomorrow anyway.”

Tomorrow?

“Spencer!” Eloise cried the moment we entered the palace, her body colliding with mine. “Oh my god, we were so worried. Are you okay?”

Flinching at her touch, she instantly stepped back. “Oh, sorry.”

“Are you in pain?” Theo reached for my hand.

“Of course she is, wanker,” Eloise chided him. “She was almost blown up.”

“Nice, El. Thought we weren’t going to mention that.”

“Like she’s not aware she was in a bombing?”

“No,” he yipped at her. “That she was almost killed.”

They bickered, and I strolled right by them, heading up the stairs and down the hall toward my room.

“Spencer!” Theo called after me.

I had shut down. Ripping off the stupid dress I had on, I headed straight into the bathroom, turning on the shower. Blood and debris still painted the ends of my hair, even after the nurse cleaned me up.

“Can I get you anything?” Theo followed me in, his hand running over my tangled hair and down my back, his voice going low. “I have to meet with someone in ten minutes, but I can join you for a bit if you want.”

“No.” I sounded cold. Distant. A therapist had come to my room, but I told her I was fine. After a while, she gave up but warned me I might experience some PTSD and to call her.

Right now, I didn’t feel anything. “Go to your meeting. I just want to sleep.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” I forced my mouth to curve into a smile, patting his chest. “Go. I’ll be fine.”

His brows furrowed, “Okay, but I’ll be back the moment I can, okay?”

I nodded, too tired to say anything else.

“Okay.” He kissed my temple, heading out of the room. “I’ll be back…I love you.”

My mouth twitched. I couldn’t say it back, and he didn’t seem to notice.

Scrubbing my body and hair, I tried to keep my mind from wandering, from seeing faces, from hearing screams…from him.

Dressing in the coziest thing I could find, needing comfort, I crawled under the fluffy duvet and willingly let sleep claim me and bury me under the pain.

I stood in a room, people milling around me, but they were a blur, no distinct faces. All unaware of what was coming, but I knew.

I had to warn them.

Save them.

I couldn’t move.

Turning my head, Lennox looked over at me, my voice stuck in my throat, my tongue knotting. No matter how much I tried, my mouth wouldn’t work, tripling the horror gurgling in my chest. The desperation to protect him forced tears from my eyes, but the words would not come.

Panic.

Terror.

The more I tried to scream, move, the more tentacles wrapped around me, holding me down. It was coming; I could feel it.

BOOM!

The bomb tore through the group.

Lennox! I shrieked his name as guttural screams filled my ears, shredding at my soul. I could hear each death, feel it in my soul, but could do nothing but watch.

Blood, guts, mangled faces, bodies torn in half. Piles of them surrounded me. They reached for me, clawing and crying for me to help them, their expressions wondering why I lived, and they had died.

Lennox!

Where was he? I had lost him, making me more frantic and terrified, searching everywhere, crawling over bodies to find him.

Lennox!

“Spencer!” My name echoed over and over as bloody hands grasped for me. Sobbing, I tried to scramble away, but more and more bodies surrounded me, grabbing for me. I closed my eyes, my scream shredding my throat.

Stop! Leave me alone! Don’t touch me! Lennox!

“Spencer? Spencer, wake up! Help! Someone help!” A hand touched me, wrapping around my arms, shaking me.

“Get off. Get away. Lennox! Lennox!” I batted at them, whimpering. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Bloody hell!” A deep voice cut through the screams, feeling like a light in the darkness, and I opened my eyes to a dark room. “Back off, Theo. Don’t touch her. She’s experiencing a night terror.” His voice went low and soothing. My lids blinked, the bloody bodies around me melting into darkness until there was nothing but him. Deep blue-hazel eyes peered into mine, and his large form squatted in front of me, wearing only a pair of boxer briefs. “Spencer, it’s okay. You are all right. Safe.”

Lennox…he was okay. Alive.

Instantly the panic and terror ebbed, like he had the power to switch it off with a word. My body sagged, and a whimper of relief vibrated through me. Sweat dripped down my temple, my heart thumping wildly. Everything running through my mind felt scrambled and slow, sludging along, trying to understand what was happening. The only thing I understood was him—a tether pulling me back from nothing.

“Lennox,” I whimpered, my hand reached out touching his face, needing to know he was real.

“I’m here.” He spoke just for me, his fingers tugging my hand away from his cheek, squeezing it. “You are safe.”

I ached for him to wrap his arms around me, stop my body from trembling, from floating away into nothing.

“What happened?” He let go of my hand, the sensation fluttering terror in my chest. He continued to watch me, but the question was directed behind him, taking my attention to the other figure standing in a pair of pajama bottoms.

Theo...

“Everything was fine, we were sleeping. But when I turned over and knocked my mobile off the table, she freaked out. Started screaming, hitting me, and cowered in the corner.” He ran his hand through his hair, peering off to the side, his tone going low. Cross. “And calling for you.”

“It was the noise of the cell hitting the floor. In her head, it was an explosion.” Lennox’s hand lifted to touch my face, but he dropped it, looking away from me. “Don’t ever try and wake someone in a night terror. Especially one brought on by PTSD.” Lennox scrubbed his face, taking a deep breath. He spoke with understanding and knowledge.

“Yeah, well, when your girlfriend is screaming like she’s being murdered and calling for another man…” Theo spat out, rolled his shoulders, and paced behind Lennox.

“Fuck’s sake, mate. She recently went through an unbelievably traumatic experience…and I was with her, so of course she was calling for me,” Lennox shot over his shoulder at Theo. “She was reliving it. Give her a break.” Lennox shook his head, turning back to me. “You all right?”

“Yeah.” My voice croaked, my pulse still fluttering with adrenaline, the experience still scraping over my skin, knowing it wasn’t just a nightmare. It really happened. Those people were actually dead. “I’m the one still alive.”

His brow furrowed at my statement, but his head bobbed as if he understood.

“Yeah, it’s going to take a while to work through that. Did the doctor set you up with someone to talk to?”

“They tried. I told them I was fine.”

“No one would be fine after that. Don’t try to be tough. Not with something like this.”

“Are you seeing someone?”

“I’ve been seeing someone since I returned the first time.”

“Oh.”

“I can give you her name—”

“I’ll find her someone here. No one outside RH needs to be involved.” Theo came around to my side, squatting down with a territorial puff to his chest, his gaze leveled on Lennox. Possessive. Challenging. “I can take care of it.”

“Of course.” Lennox stood up, backing away, a nerve in his cheek flinching. “I will say goodnight then. Highness. My lady.” He bowed his head, twisting away. I watched him leave the room, feeling gutted, scared, and sinking.

My anchor leaving me adrift.

“Spencer?” Theo’s hands cupped my face, bringing my focus back to him, his body hovering over me.

Suffocating.

I felt trapped. Like I couldn’t breathe.

“I’m fine.” I pushed up. Fatigue and pain coated my bones, drooping my frame.

“You scared me.” He followed me, nipping at my heels.

“I’m sorry.” I sat on the bed, my hands gripping the comforter, my body trembling.

“I will set up a therapist tomorrow.” He cupped my face again. “Anything you need. The best of the best.”

I need space. Air.

“Can we talk about this tomorrow?” I tugged his fingers away, my lungs quivering with anxiety. There would be a lot to discuss tomorrow. “I just want to sleep.”

“Sure.” Theo nodded, moving to go around to the other side of the bed.

“Alone.” It came out before I even realized what I said.

“What?” His brows scrunched together.

“I’m sorry. I simply feel…” I stared down at my toenails on the rug. Blood red against the cream. “I need to be alone. Is that okay?”

His temper flashed over his face, looking so much like his father, his expression scowling. “Why?”

“Theo…” Tears batted at the back of my lids, closing my throat, a panic attack crawling up my spine. “I just need a little while to myself tonight. Can’t you understand that?”

“And I just wanted to hold my girlfriend… like most girls would want. Can’t you understand that? I almost lost you. And I wake up to you freaking out and calling for another man. So, I’m sorry if I’m being the arsehole…that I’m such a wanker for wanting to hold you and be the one you call for.”

I stared at him, not knowing how to respond.

He shook his head, heading for the door. “Goodnight, Spencer.” He slammed the door, rushing liquid to my eyes.

A sob shuddered in my chest, feeling even worse than before. Guilty. Because he was right, most girls would want their boyfriends lying by their side.

My body shook, the trauma of the last day heaving bile like a tornado in my stomach. I curled on my side, only wanting to sleep, to ease the memories and grief.

Drifting for a moment, shrill screams from my nightmare bolted my lids back open, terror racing up my vertebrae, chilling my skin with the echo of their death in my head.

I didn’t think. Didn’t care if it was wrong or right. I needed the one person who understood. Who experienced it with me.

It was survival. Desperate and primal. The bomb inside me was ticking, about to explode into a million pieces, and all I knew was he would keep me together when it did.

Rolling out of bed, my bare feet padded out of my room and across the hall.

What if Hazel was with him? What if he turned me away? The thought hit me with a panicked assault as I opened his door, stepping into the shadowy room.

My shoulders relaxed seeing his body rolled out across his bed. Alone.

He sat up the moment I stepped in, his guard up, ready to act. Respond to a threat.

“Spencer?” Confused, his husky voice lapped at my skin, his hand rubbing at his bare chest. “What are you doing? Are you okay?”

I dragged myself to his bed, my face twisted with grief, words lost in my throat.

His head tilted, his gaze going to me, plucking the questions and answers from my expression. Without a word, he tugged the blankets down. I crawled in next to him, my back facing him, curling on my side as he tucked me into him. His arm wrapped around my waist, engulfing me in his heat and protection. Where Theo made me feel smothered, Lennox made me feel safe, like I could breathe, and he was ready to fight the horror waiting at the edges to attack the moment I closed my eyes.

He held me as tears fell, the bloody faces and desperate cries from my dream leaked out. When they slowed, and my bones no longer quaked with fear and trauma, I finally spoke.

“I keep hearing their screams…seeing faces…” I choked. “I try to save them, but I can’t move. Even dead, they keep coming at me, clawing at me, wondering why I lived, why I didn’t save them.”

“Survivor’s guilt,” he muttered. “I know it well.”

“Do the screams go away?”

He was quiet, telling me my answer.

“You learn how to deal with it over time. I’ve realized living in guilt is no better than a cage and is an insult to the lives lost. Selfish because you make it about you, instead of living the life they didn’t get to.”

Nodding, I twined my fingers through his. Gentle on my wounds, he pressed me firmer into him like I was his anchor as much as he was mine, making me highly aware of his barely clothed ripped physique curving into mine. His erection pushed against my arse, our skin and heat skimming down our forms, enflaming every nerve.

Coming here hadn’t been about sex, though I couldn’t deny my body wanted it. After seeing so much death, it wanted to lose itself in bliss, the highest feeling of being utterly alive.

With him.

The truth about my feelings only twisted deeper into my chest with certainty. The sensation of Lennox against my body, the fire that had been building up was ready to burst from me like a backdraft. It had been forming for a long time, growing the more I ignored it.

Another awareness hit me, freezing me in place. Until now, I had never felt like this before.

Addicted. Obsessed.

Desire driving me past reason and what was appropriate or honorable.

With Theo, everything was sweet and precise. I felt adoration and friendship, but he didn’t consume my thoughts, get my blood boiling in either anger or passion. I never craved Theo like this.

Emotion built in my throat, overwhelming and gutting, knowing the consequences of admitting this. I wasn’t someone who could live with a lie. Theo deserved better than that.

As if he could sense my thoughts, he whispered against my neck. “It’s all right. Just sleep. I’m here. You’re safe.”

Exhaling, I curled farther into him, gobbling up the feel of him, the tension in my chest unwinding as I let go. I felt him relax into me after a few moments, calming my heartbeat, shielding me from the memories.

My lids closed, and I gave in to the exhaustion, falling into a deep sleep.

I was thrust from sleep to awareness, my body hot and tight, my breathing irregular. Not from fear, but desire. It took me a moment to understand what was happening and where I was.

Lennox’s room.

His physique, pinned against mine, blasted with heat. One hand was up my tank, cupping my breast, the other slipped into my shorts, his fingers gliding over me. Even in sleep, I had arched into him, demanding more.

Oh god.

Every nerve lit up, the urge to open my hips to pursue what my body wanted more than anything locked me in place.

He slipped in deeper, forcing a moan to pour from my lips, my hips slowly rocking against him.

I could tell the moment he fully woke up, his chest clinching in with a hiss as he stilled, though neither of us pulled away. No doubt he could tell how wet I was, my nerves craving him so badly they trembled under my skin.

“Spencer,” he mumbled in my ear with shock, but I could hear the inquiry in it. The question we both knew the answer to, but neither wanted to say it out loud.

His fingers pulled from me, backing away. The loss of his touch had me reacting, my hand wrapped around his, drawing it back to me. He sucked in as I flattened it back against my sternum under my tank. He hesitated for a moment before his thumb swept the spot between my breasts, then curving around my nipple, igniting my veins like a match.

As if I took a dozen ecstasy tablets, my head swirled with desire, shoving out logic as my arse curved into him. A barely audible moan huffed from his throat, his body automatically moving against mine, scorching me with need. He inhaled through his nose, gliding his hand from my sternum to my neck, his finger pressing into my throat, his hips rolling into me, dragging himself over me.

A gasp opened my mouth. “Lennox.”

He froze.

“Bloody hell.” His lips brushed against my ear. “Fuck.” His tone was defeated and pained.

My lids squeezed together painfully. “I know.”

“Jesus. You don’t know how bad I want to slip those tiny shorts down and bury myself in you.”

My breath came out spotty, need claiming me.

“We can’t,” he growled.

“I know.”

“Theo.”

“I know.” I glanced over my shoulder; shame strangled my heart.

He watched me, sorrow and frustration working over his face. He laid back on the pillow. “It’s not only him…there’s something else—” He stopped talking, staring up at the ceiling.

“What?”

“It’s complicated.”

“What does that mean?”

He didn’t answer.

Was he talking about Hazel? Were they more serious than I thought?

“Do you want me to go?” My heart sped up with the thought of being alone. Without him, I felt the dead would come to haunt me, try to drag me into hell.

“No.” He reached back for me, wrapping his arms around me, drawing me back into his body, sighing heavily. “Stay. Sleep.”

Tucking into the pillow, I relaxed my body into his, latching onto the bubble where this wasn’t wrong or right. No outside world. Just us. This moment of reprieve before tomorrow.

Before the rest of my world blew up.

Chapter 4

My hand shook as I poured coffee into my cup and popped a few painkillers, nausea swimming in my stomach. Every bone ached; every patch of skin was burned, bruised, or cut. The loose baggy clothes I was in still hurt when they brushed over it. My forehead wound smarted under the butterfly bandage keeping my skin pinned together. All I wanted to do was go back upstairs and crawl back into bed.

But not mine.

With a huff, I rubbed at my nose, staring down into the black liquid. Everything was so messed up, and last night only made it worse.

I reluctantly slipped out of Lennox’s room at dawn, leaving him sound asleep, returning to mine before anyone would find us. I wanted to stay. The few peaceful hours I got lying next to him felt like heaven, and I woke up to his hand on my thigh as if he wanted to make sure I was there.

“My lady, do you need anything?” A voice made me jump around.

“Bloody hell.” I hissed, my hand going to my chest.

A maid stood there, a hint of irritation on her stern face. “I can have someone serve you breakfast in the dining room.”

Meaning, get out.

I had crossed some invisible line. The royals stayed out of the domestic areas. But I felt more comfortable here than I did in that large stuffy room, where the Queen and King would be, along with Eloise and Theo.

I was avoiding all of them right now.

“No. I’m good. Thank you. Just coffee for me today.” I was far too queasy to eat anything yet.

Her smile was forced as she dipped her head, moving along.

Turning back around, I exhaled, willing the painkillers to kick in, along with some logic and a sense of sanity.

Today was going to be a shite day.

“You hiding in here?” Rough and thick, his voice hiked up my lungs from behind, curling my fingers against the counter. My body pulsed in response to him, flushing with heat and energy.

How had I not seen it before? Denied it?

“Jesus.” I breathed out, my heart pounding wildly. “Will people stop sneaking up on me this morning?”

He stayed right behind me, forcing me to glance over my shoulder at him.

Mistake.

My teeth clamped together at seeing him. Dressed in his suit, his hair damp from a shower, he smelled like soap—masculine and rich. He looked so damn sexy, even covered in bruises and butterfly bandages covering his deeper cuts as well. The craving to reach up and touch them, to kiss him, whirled me back around, and I struggled to swallow.

“It bothered me,” he spoke low, muttering into my ear.

“What?”

“Waking up to an empty bed.” His breath slipped down the back of my neck. “Specifically, to you not being in it.”

A harsh breath sucked through my lungs, my throat tight.

“Lennox.”

“I know.” He stepped back. My instinct was to reclaim the space, but I forced my attention on the counter, my nails tapping at the ceramic mug. “I have no right to say that to you.”

Maybe not, but it didn’t take away the fact I wanted to hear it, wanted him to feel that way. Longed to feel his skin against mine, to not stop what could have happened last night.

“I don’t think I should work here anymore.”

“What?” I swung around, my eyes wide. “Why?”

“Why do you think?” He tilted his head.

“You can’t quit.”

“I can’t stay.” He rolled back his shoulders, tucking his hands in his pockets. “Theo is a good guy. He deserves someone on his team who has his best interests at heart.”

“And you don’t?”

“No.” His hazel eyes burned into me, fluttering rabid bats in my stomach. Tension weaved through the air, making me forget everything else. “I definitely do not.”

I swallowed at his implication, heart thumping.

“It will be better with me gone.”

“Not for me.” My mouth sputtered without my mind in agreement.

“Even more for you.” He looked to the side. “I’m not…I can’t…” He cleared his throat. “You will have a good life with him.”

“What if that’s not what I want?” I whispered.

His head snapped back to me. “What do you want?”

You. It sat heavy in my mouth but wouldn’t pass through my lips, fear branding it to my tongue.

He watched me for a moment, then his eyes dropped, his head shaking. “It doesn’t matter. This…” He motioned between us. “Is not even an option. I’ll be removing myself from His Majesty’s service. It will be better for all in the end…and soon, you won’t even remember me.”

“Not possible.” I pushed off the counter, stepping into his space. His nose flared, but he didn’t move. The memory of his fingers sliding through me, his erection heavy against me, consumed me. “Not when all I can think about is you.”

“Spencer…” His voice died away.

“You’re right, Theo deserves better. From me too.” The craving to touch him made my hand press against his torso, recalling how his skin felt against mine. His muscles flinched and moved against my palm. “I’m going to tell him today.”

“What?” he breathed out.

“That it’s over.”

“You sure about that?” He leaned in closer to me, our mouths only a few centimeters apart. “I’m not the guy…even if I wanted to be. I can’t. There are things you don’t know.”

I wasn’t sure of a lot lately, but there was one thing I was. I cared a lot about Theo, and he deserved someone who loved him without hesitation. Someone who would be completely obsessed and crave him.

“There you are,” Theo’s voice slammed into me from the doorway. Locking up in fear, I couldn’t move, panic popping my eyes wide. We were too close, my hand still touching him…

Lennox reflexes were like a cat, moving in an instant, his hand poking at the plaster on my forehead, acting like he was taping it back down. “There. All clean.” He brushed his hands together, stepping back. “Need to keep ointment on it if you don’t want it to scar.”

Theo stepped up to us, his gaze shifting between us with guarded caution. “You all right?”

I nodded, my fingers grazing over the dressing.

“My medical training in the field always takes over.” Lennox motioned to me.

Theo’s jaw rolled, but he bobbed his head, not responding.

“Well.” Lennox dipped his head at him. “Better get to work. Busy day. See you two later.” He swiveled, striding out of the room, leaving Theo and I alone.

Awkward. Strained.

Exhaling, I looked at Theo, my throat closing in, knowing what I was about to do. I couldn’t deny a big chunk of both my heart and head were screaming, “What the fuck are you doing? Are you an idiot?”

Yes. I probably was. But as much as I loved Theo, it wasn’t enough.

“How are you feeling today?” He moved to me, clasping my biceps, his eyes searching over the burn marks on my face. “You look a little better. Get some sleep?”

“Theo…”

“No, let me speak first.” His hands squeezed my arms, and I tried not to flinch in pain. “I am so sorry. I really was a wanker. I shouldn’t have said those things last night. After what you went through.” He paused for a moment, staring at me. “I was selfish. I was just so scared. The thought of losing you…”

A tsunami of shame barreled into me, flooding the back of my eyes.

“Theo, stop—”

“I love you so much.”

“Theo—”

“I want you to forget about it, and we move forward.”

“Forget about it?” I leaned back, leaving his grasp, puzzlement lowering my lids.

“All of it. Our fight. The incident.” He shrugged off the word like it was nothing. “It’s not worth dwelling on. There’s so much good ahead of us.”

Forget? I could still taste the debris and blood on my tongue. I could never forget their guts staining my clothes, the sounds of their screams, the power of the explosion ripping my skin, the wails as the building collapsed. It may have only been seconds, but I could hear, see, and feel every second like it was years.

There would be no forgetting.

“I can’t simply forget, Theo.” I stepped back farther. Disgusted. Angry.

“It’s not like I wasn’t there. I went through it too.”

“Went through it?” I repeated, my mouth falling open. He was two rooms away and was escorted back to the palace, never seeing one thing or experiencing anything but the shake of the ground. Twenty-seven were dead, and there were more in intensive care who might never wake or walk again. I was one of the lucky ones, but I still would be scarred and haunted for the rest of my life. “Are you serious?”

“Sorry.” He shifted his feet. “That came out wrong. I know it wasn’t quite the same…” He blew out in irritation. “I just think today we need to celebrate the positive. And have fun tonight at the gala.”

“Gala?” I jolted, my lids blinking, dread leaking down my throat.

“My father’s birthday. You know it’s tonight.”

No.

Nononono.

The King’s birthday wasn’t just a party, it was the largest event of the year. Ball gowns, tuxedos, celebrities, and politicians. The who’s who of the elite. So much pomp and circumstance choked out any fun, though people would kill for an invite.

“Tonight?” I pleaded for him to say he was joking. “I can’t…”

“Don’t be silly. You have to.” Theo frowned. “Could you imagine what people would say or think if you weren’t there?”

“That I almost got blown up!” I tried to fling out my arms, flinching at the movement, the Vicodin the doctors had given me not fully taking the edge off. My skin looked like I had been dragged over a road, my bones and muscles ached, my energy barely skimmed the surface.

“Even in death, my grannie would demand our attendance.” He smiled. “We royals are held to a different standard. We show up. Stiff upper lip and all.” He brushed a strand of my long hair off my face, tucking it behind my ear, his thumb brushing the injury on my cheek. “And you are part of that. Cover up the wounds, put on a pretty dress, and smile.”

That sounded like misery.

“Theo.” Even more certainly powered my voice. “We need to talk.”

He pulled away, his lips tightening. “About?”

Running my hands through my hair, I exhaled. “Us.”

“Can this wait?” He peered down at his watch. “I have a lot to do before this evening.”

“No. I don’t think it can.” I took another breath. “I don’t think I should go tonight…as your date.” The sentence was awkward and strained.

“What?”

“You know I love you.” I twisted my hands together. “I just don’t know if it’s enough.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Spencer?” Anger flared his voice instantly. “What do you mean, not enough?”

Fuck, this was hard. “I don’t think I can be part of this world.” I motioned around. “I’m not happy.”

“You-you’re not happy,” he blurted with ire.

“I care about you. So much. But in all honesty, I don’t think I’m a good fit for you. I mean, don’t you feel it? We are too young and all this pressure to be more…I think we jumped into this too fast.”

“I can’t believe this.” He shook his head. “You knew!” He stabbed his finger toward the ground. “You knew what you were getting into with me! I asked you if you wanted to be with me.”

“With you, yes, but it’s the rest of it I thought I could handle. But I can’t. I’m not built to stand at your side and smile.”

He paced the room, his movements aggravated and tense. “This is such bullshite. Where is this coming from? You were fine a couple of days ago.”

“Actually, I haven’t been okay since you moved me in here without even asking me.” I shot back. “But I dealt with it, smiled, and kept quiet to make this easier for you. Which isn’t me. I’m not that girl, but I knew how much responsibility was put on you. It didn’t mean my feelings and life should become obsolete.”

“Your life was never obsolete!”

“Wasn’t it?”

“You could do all your animal stuff. You can do as many charities as you want.”

“Animal stuff.” I clamped my jaw shut.

“I didn’t mean—”

“Stop.” I held up my hand. “I’m not saying doing charity dinners isn’t a great thing…but not for me. I want to be in it. Hands dirty, knee-deep. That’s my passion, not something on the side.”

Theo put his hands on his hips, peering down at the ground.

“I’m so sorry,” I croaked. “I don’t want to hurt you, but after the bombing, things seem different to me. And I think if we stayed together, we’d both end up resenting each other. I don’t want that for either of us.”

He worked his jaw back and forth, staying silent.

“Your Highness?” Theo’s assistant stood in the door. “Your father is waiting for you.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll be right there.”

He bowed and stepped away.

“I have to go.” Theo took a step, his eyes scouring my face. “Get some rest, and we’ll talk more about this later, okay? I need you by my side tonight. Your family will be here…our friends. Please.”

I nodded.

Emotion crossed over his face before he swung around and strode out of the room.

I expected to feel like shite after, or at least I feel reassured I said what I needed to. Instead, I had a deep sense of dread…like somehow, fate had other ideas for me.

Chapter 5

“There is no question of you going to the gala. Tonight is highly imperative.” Chloe stood in the middle of my room, a panicked expression straining her cheeks. She was particularly tense and stressed about this event. “This evening needs to be perfect. Everything has been choreographed and arranged down to the most minuscule detail.”

“I know.” I was trying to push through, but the later the evening got, the more my bones wanted to collapse in a heap. “I thought maybe I could sneak out early? No one will notice.”

“Everyone will notice,” she screeched, her arms flying out, but she quickly regained herself, taking a deep breath. The woman was never flustered, always ready to respond with a cool head. “All eyes will be on you. The people want to see you. It will be great press to show how resilient and strong you are. It will do wonders for your likeability. The media will eat it up as will the public. And it’s the biggest party of the year. You will leave when Theo does.”

Likeability. That’s all I heard, all anyone seemed to care about. My image. My “likeability” with the press and public. My mom brought it up when I talked to her on the phone. Even Eloise had said it when she visited me earlier.

“Still wounded after such a traumatic event just a few days ago, you’ll show up looking dazzling and resilient, showing them exactly what you are made of. You are proving you are one of us. True royalty. They will love you.” When Heidi came in, Eloise dashed out of my room to go get ready, the truth sticking on my tongue.

My assistant pranced around my room like a show pony, organizing the makeup artist and stylist. My lack of enthusiasm to stay for the whole time had her calling in backup. Chloe returned to the room and didn’t even let me get a word out before she was telling me under no circumstances could I get out of this…even if I was bedridden.

“Tonight is extra special, and, to be honest, this is a perfect opportunity. I couldn’t have even bought this kind of publicity.” Chole patted at her sleek blonde ponytail.

“People are dead.” My fists rolled into balls. “Families throughout Great Victoria are grieving for those they lost…this is not a publicity stunt.”

“We can’t change what happened. I am sorry for those people. I truly am. It’s awful, but that doesn’t mean good can’t come out of it.” Chloe tapped at her earpiece, her attention no longer on me. “Go ahead. What? Are you kidding me? I told them their passes had been rescinded for this event! How dare they presume to be let in after all the negative press,” she yelled, stomping out of the room.

“Spencer?” Heidi motioned me to the chair they set up in my room, the makeup artist ready for me. “We are already behind schedule.”

After being primped, prodded, teased, plucked, and fluffed, I was zipped up into an exquisite gown. There seemed to be extra care with my looks for this event; Heidi kept telling them I needed more. Picture perfect, she kept saying. Standing in the mirror, I stared at myself, almost unrecognizable. A doll. The caked-on makeup tried to hide my wounds, my hair curled softly down my back, and draped with precise royal family picked jewelry. The tiers of dusty mauve tulle cascaded to the floor, the heart-shaped sequin bodice glinting in the light. Beautiful on the outside, but it scratched at my skin and wrapped around my ribs like barbed wire.

“We must go.” Heidi snapped her fingers. “Theo is waiting.”

I wobbled on my tall heels, gritting my teeth against the stabs of pain every movement brought on. People buzzed around me, talking, the stylists still fussing with me. The painkillers eased it enough for me to breathe through the aching and keep going.

Theo waited for me near the divide between residence and the palace, looking handsome in a tux, his hair perfectly styled.

His eyes widened and a huge smile formed on his face. “You look beautiful.” He reached for me, kissing my cheek.

“Thank you.” I smiled stiffly back. Everything felt weird and wrong. Trying to lighten the strain between us, I said, “They wouldn’t allow me to wear my sweats. Though, I almost got away with my Chucks in this dress.”

“Could you imagine if the press caught you wearing your Chucks?” He shook his head, not taking the bait. “Disastrous.”

My brow furrowed. My Chucks would be appalling? Was he serious? After the bombing…that was disastrous?

I felt like I was on this cusp of reality and fantasy. How easily I could slip over to where I also thought getting my picture taken in my Chucks would be “disastrous.” Where my sense of priority was so far off, I could no longer relate to people struggling for food, housing, jobs. Doing my own laundry or buying my own clothes would be a foreign concept.

I really looked at Theo. When did it happen? Did I not even notice the boy I loved at school wasn’t the guy before me? We used to tease and laugh, call bullshite on superficial royal crap. One reason I fell for him was he seemed to see through it.

Now I couldn’t even recall the last time we were like that—when we laughed or teased each other. This role had changed him. Understandably, but still, I longed for the boy who sat in the pub with his friends taking the piss they dealt out. He was serious all the time now, acting far older than his age. No longer a prince, but a future king.

“Come on. The media is waiting for us.” He took my hand, directing us to where the press waited, the sound of their cameras and flashes leaking through the door.

My head lifted, looking ahead.

My lungs wedged against my ribs, a gasp sticking in my throat.

Lennox stood near the door, his arms clasped low in front of him, eyes straight ahead, his shoulders back. He wore a tux, trying to mingle as another guest, but nothing about him blended into the background. He stood out, even his presence took over the space, demanding eyes on him, commanding attention. The tux fit his body like a glove, blooming warmth down my legs, pooling in my belly.

Now that I fully acknowledged my feelings, I could no longer hide my reaction. My emotions simmered on the surface, making it hard for me to keep up the façade—to pretend he barely existed.

His eyes slid to me, then went back forward, only a nerve in his jaw displayed any emotion. “Your Highness.” He bowed his head, addressing Theo. It was clear their relationship had changed, something not spoken or acknowledged, but intuition dictated.

Me.

“I heard you gave Dalton your notice today.”

I couldn’t stop my head from jerking up, feeling like a bullet went through my chest.

“What?” I blurted out. He had mentioned it, but I didn’t think he meant now. Agitation burned up and down my esophagus, making me lose all sense of propriety. “No! You can’t leave me.”

Lennox’s eyes only bounced to me for a moment, but I could feel the depth of them, reaching inside and tugging out my guts.

“I must, my lady,” he replied formally, staring straight ahead. “I have to deal with some family issues.”

Family? They were all dead. My lids lowered on him, but he didn’t look at me.

“We’ll miss you, mate.” Theo’s tone completely lightened as he patted his arm. “But I understand.”

Lennox’s face tightened, his head dropping in acknowledgment.

“You should enjoy yourself tonight, then. Relax. Dalton can watch over us. Nothing will happen here.”

“I can’t do that, sir,” Lennox responded sternly. “She is still my charge until my final day.”

Theo shrugged, his mood totally altered, his hand grabbing mine as he smiled. “Ready, darling? The media awaits.”

Out of the side of my eye, I watched Lennox as we passed. Not one bit of emotion showed on his features. Blank. As if walking away from me was a simple decision, while I shrieked on the inside, gulping back the tears wanting to flood out of me. Agony tore into my lungs as I held the hand of the wrong man.

“Spencer! Spencer!” My name rang out in unrelenting waves, batting against me as cameras clicked and flashed in my face. “How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Have you visited any of the victims still in the hospital? How do you feel about the King ignoring the attack and still doing business with that leader? Are you taking anything? You look beautiful! How are you coping? Are you seeing a therapist?” The questions kept coming, pounding into me until I was dull and numb. I kept a smile on my face as I disappeared into myself, everything becoming distant, a hum in my ears.

“Why don’t we take it easy on her tonight?” Theo smiled, chiding the group in a friendly way.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” I spoke, my head held high. “Everyone in the royal family has been so attentive in helping me through this.” I smiled over at my date. “Especially Theo. Thank you all for your concern, but the focus and help should go to the victims still recovering and the families who lost someone. Not me.”

Theo beamed next to me, pulling me tighter into him.

“Isn’t she amazing?” He shook his head in awe. “She should be in bed recovering from the attack, but here she is.” He kissed my hand, the cameras clicking loudly, capturing the moment. “Now, we just want to put it all in the past and focus on our future together. And of course, my father’s birthday.” He tugged me to start walking, waving at them as we exited the room, walking into the grand ballroom, the rest of the palace off limits to the media.

“That was perfect.” Theo gushed the moment we stepped through the doors. Attendants bowed at us, but Theo didn’t even see them. “Strong. Resilient. Everything this country respects in a person and wants from their royal family, you showed in spades.” Theo squeezed my hand. “There will not be a person who won’t absolutely adore you after this.”

His sentiment brewed in my chest. I didn’t feel strong or resilient. I was a crumbling house on sand, and the more people kept claiming the other, the more I felt like a fraud.

His words kept playing over in my head, twisting the seed that had been growing in my stomach all day.

“Why do you care if they adore me?” I turned to him, knowing whatever they felt about me now would change when I walked out that door and away from the Prince of Great Victoria, deciding against one of the most eligible bachelors in the world, who any girl in her right mind would give up everything for. “You do remember the conversation this morning?”

Annoyance flashed over his face. “Of course I do.”

“I’m here for you tonight, but I can’t—”

“Don’t decide anything until after tonight. You might feel different.” He stepped away, already waving to someone. “There’s Grannie. She hates when I don’t greet her right away.”

Following his attention, my eyes landed on the person standing next to the dowager queen.

Ice punctured my lungs, and I grew unsteady on my feet. Lord William stood next to her, his eyes on me, smugness twitching his mouth as he spoke to her.

With everything that had happened, I completely forgot about my meeting with him. About his threat. He couldn’t possibly still hold me to it. I had been in an ambulance heading to the hospital.

“Grannie.”

“Theodore, you are late,” she sniped, but an approving smile turned up her mouth. “You look handsome. So much like your father.”

“You look stunning as usual, Grandmother.” Theo leaned in, air kissing both her cheeks, disregarding her prickly demeanor.

“Your Grace.” I curtsied, trying to ignore Lord William’s gaze centered on me.

“Spencer.” She said my name like it sat wrong on her tongue. “You are still here.”

“Grandmother,” Theo warned.

She waved him off. She leaned in, allowing me to air kiss her cheeks. “You know I’m teasing.”

William snorted into his glass, drinking down a swig.

We all knew she wasn’t, but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing I wouldn’t be for much longer—that she won.

“I am. Like a tick in your skin.”

Her eyebrow popped at my response, but she pretended she either didn’t hear or understand what I said.

“What a horrid affair. I’m surprised you are even here.”

“I’m fine. Thank you.” The words were polite, but my tone wasn’t. I had no filter, no fucks left to give.

“She’s made of tough stuff.” Theo’s arm went around me. “She has what it takes, Grannie. Better get used to the idea.”

My gaze went to Theo, wondering what the hell he was talking about after what I said this morning. We were only together for show tonight, but he understood we had broken up, right?

“Highness?” Theo’s assistant, I still couldn’t recall his name, tapped him on the shoulder. “The King and Queen would like to speak with you for a moment. About the…thing,” he said nervously.

“Yes.” Theo moved instantly. “I need to go speak with them.”

“Don’t worry about your girl.” Lord William’s hand clamped down on my arm, nodding his goodbye to Anne, moving us away. “I will watch over her. I’m sure she is about to drop to her knees for a drink.”

Theo eyed him for a moment, then nodded, strolling quickly away.

I wanted to yell for him to come back, but I kept my mouth shut, knowing somewhere in this room, Lennox was watching me.

“How easily he leaves the bunny in the wolf’s den,” Lord William whispered in my ear.

I yanked my arm away from him, glowering at him. He was dressed in a tux, his thinning white hair brushed back, his face a little sweaty and paler than normal.

“You better hop out then. Wolves get hungry this time of night.” I popped up an eyebrow in challenge.

His gaze went over me, letting out a laugh.

“There is a lot more spunk to you than your appearance lets on.” He licked his lips as he patted his damp forehead with a handkerchief and stuffed it back in his jacket pocket. The room was warm with tons of bodies but didn’t feel stuffy to me. “Which I like. Need to syphon that energy.”

“You are vile.”

“You’ve said that before.” He curled his fingers at a server carrying champagne around the room. Setting his empty glass down, he took two more, handing one to me. “Doesn’t take away the fact you need me.”

“I don’t need anything from you.”

“You’re ready to let your family live in squalor? Lose everything? Reputation? Your family will never be able to work in this country again. They’ll be shamed and tossed out of any respectable circle. You’d do that to your baby sister just to spite me?”

My hand clamped down on the glass.

“I’m willing to be slightly lenient about you missing our meeting.” He took a drink, looking around, acting like the words being spoken between us were casual and polite. “But only if you show me how willing you are to protect your family.”

“You are disgusting,” I spat.

“Don’t push me, Spencer.” His eyes flamed. “I think I’m being very generous and patient. I have the means to destroy you. Your spirit is amusing for only so long. If you aren’t in my office the day after tomorrow…” The threat was in everything he said and didn’t say. He drew out the cloth again, dabbing at his head. “Why do they insist on having it so bloody hot in here,” he muttered, his gaze coming back to me. “It’s on you, my girl…if you want to keep your family from ruin. And speaking of…”

“Spencer!” My sister’s voice was like a fish hook, twisting in my chest and twirling me to the tiny girl running for me. Seeing her, emotion instantly burst out my throat in a quiet cry. Her arms wrapped around me. I squeezed her tight, not caring about the pain.

“Olivia.” I didn’t care who was watching or seeing a tear slide down my cheek. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you more.” She pulled back, her huge eyes looking at me. “When are you coming home?”

Knife to the gut.

Sooner than you think, I thought, if we still have a home left.

“Spencer.” My parents rushed to me. For once, neither of them kept in the lines, showing affection in their hugs, their expressions full of love and anguish.

“We were beside ourselves.” Dad’s voice wobbled. “We called and called; no one would let us speak with you.”

“We knew you’d be properly looked after. Theo was so kind. He loves you so much.” Mom hugged me again before she stepped back, brushing at her dress, her face going into her reserved mask.

Aunt Lauren and Uncle Fredrick were right behind. Lauren took me into a hug, but my uncle’s attention went past me, glaring.

Jerking my head around, I saw Lord William leaning against a table. He lifted his drink, smirking at both Fredrick and me.

“Freddy!” Aunt Lauren smacked his chest, flicking her head in my direction.

“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “We are so glad you are all right. You gave us a fright, my dear girl.” In his awkwardness, I could hear genuineness there, which shocked me.

“Where’s Landen?” I peered around, my heart pleading to see my cousin. I ached, missing him more than I could let myself think about.

“I’m sorry, he’s still in military camp.” Aunt Lauren patted my hand. “He’s hoping to be home for Christmas Eve.”

I swallowed back the sadness. Life at the palace had weeks passing in a blink, but seeing my family, Olivia’s hand holding my mine, the depths to which I missed them, especially Landen and Mina, swallowed me whole.

“How’s he doing?”

“We only speak to him every few weeks, but he’s doing great.” Lauren tried to smile, but it wobbled with falseness. “He really likes it.”

Landen was in hell. We all knew that…and I wasn’t there for him.

“We’re just so proud of both of you.” Aunt Lauren pushed on. “My boy becoming a soldier and you…a future queen. I know there have been some ups and downs, but that’s all changing.” She pressed her hands into her fancy new dress at her breastbone. “The Sutton name is the buzz of our town. Of the world! I couldn’t be prouder of this family.”

“Me, either.” My father squeezed my arm, his touch injecting my system with a flood of guilt and grief, all their hopes and dreams pinning me down.

“Me too!” Olivia squealed as my mother dabbed secretly at her eyes.

My uncle’s gaze burrowed into me.

Brick after brick stacked on my shoulders, my lungs fluttering with weight.

If I walked away from Theo or ignored Lord William, every brick would come tumbling down. My family would lose everything.

Suddenly I couldn’t breathe, my throat closing in on itself. The room spun, heating to the point my skin was sticky with perspiration.

“Excuse me,” I croaked, letting my sister’s hand go.

“Spencer?” My mom called after me, but I didn’t stop, rushing out of the room like it was crumbling down on me.

Stealing all the air and my freedom.

Chapter 6

“Spencer.” A hand caught my arm near the exit, his rough voice lurching more anxiety through me. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

He was the last thing I could deal with right now.

“Let go.” Whirling back to Lennox, I tugged at his hold, his nearness inflicting need, my heart speeding up.

“I saw you with Lord William. What did he say to you?” He loomed over me, his gaze tracking mine for an answer. Protective. Concerned.

“Nothing,” I gritted.

“Did he threaten you again?”

“I can take care of myself.”

“What did he say to you?” He growled.

My gaze shot back to the man in question, his glossy blue eyes were on us, a slow grin growing as he watched us. His delight at what he was witnessing was obvious. And what was worse? He was the closest to the truth out of everyone.

“Let me go. Please. Don’t give him more fuel.” Panic shook my muscles. I needed to get out of this room, away from two men who could take my home and the one who could take my heart.

Lennox looked down at his hand, holding me with authority. A claim to do so. Familiarity a guard should not have.

He dropped his hand, stepping back.

“Stay away from me,” I croaked out, rushing out of the ballroom, curving around corners, finding an unoccupied bathroom in the far east wing away from most of the activity.

Gripping the counter, I slipped out of my aching heels and leaned into the vanity, sucking in air. The cage around me was closing in. I couldn’t give into Lord William. The thought gurgled bile and disgust in my stomach. But if I went to Theo, he’d want to help. How could I ask him that when I just broke up with him? It wasn’t fair, and I would feel obligated to him.

If I saved my family, it would destroy me. If I didn’t do anything, it would ruin them.

My knuckles turned white from my grip on the countertop, but the stab of pain was the only sensation in my body, making me still feel I was there, not drifting away into darkness.

The door behind me clicked closed, snapping my head up, my eyes staring at the reflection in the mirror.

His hazel eyes preyed on me through the glass, his broad shoulders set wide, his expression severe. Turbulent. Primal. Dominant.

I stared back at him. Raw need skated over my skin, pulsing in my core. He was my anchor, pulling me back from the brink.

“I know you asked me to stay away from you.” Raspy, his voice battered against my resolve.

I didn’t answer. It didn’t matter. We both knew he should walk right back out the door. This was wrong. But I no longer cared. This was far too fierce and consuming to ignore.

He was leaving. And I was going to have to choose my cage.

“Spencer…” He rumbled my name, his eyes shredding through the glass, burning into me.

Everything shut off in my brain. No thoughts or voices telling me I was wrong. Tomorrow my world was going to collapse, whichever way I chose…right now I just wanted him. One moment of happiness. One moment just for me.

“I can’t stay awa—”

“Shut up,” I breathed, whirling around. My body collided into him, my mouth finding his. There was a moment he didn’t respond, a statue against my assault, like he was still trying to fight it…fight us. But I felt the moment it all snapped, his control shattering, his lips crushing against mine. Hungry. Savage. Stealing the air from my lungs in a gasp. Making me feel alive, ravenous, and wild.

All things I never felt with Theo.

The bomb inside me detonated, incinerating me in violent flames. His hands clutched my face, knotting through my hair roughly, his tongue parting my lips, deepening the kiss and creating a frenzy in me.

Desperate. Feral.

“Fuck,” he growled, his hands dropping to my waist, lifting me. Fighting the layers of the ridiculous dress, my legs wrapped around his hips, his erection pushing against his trousers into my knickers.

A sound of need vibrated in my throat. He spun us around, my spine ramming into the door with delicious pain as our mouths consumed each other with frantic demand. Everything we had been holding back gushed out with a force of a hurricane, one that would level anything trying to impede us.

He rolled his hips into me, parting my lips with a groan.

“Shite. We shouldn’t do this.” He nipped at my throat, biting into the sensitive spot. He pulled back, staring into my eyes. “Tell me to stop. To walk away now.”

I stared at him.

“Spencer.” My name was a plea, telling me he didn’t have the power to do it himself.

This was my last warning. A line we could not come back from.

The thought of him walking out of this room, to never know how he felt, to let go of this moment with him, had me more desperate than the thought of being caught.

“No.” My thighs clamped his waist, moving against him, my nails raked down his white shirt, ripping it open, the buttons crackling as they hit the tile floor.

Bloody hell…

I had seen Lennox’s chest before, his ripped abs and built chest. Not bulky like a bodybuilder, but enough so you knew he spent a lot of time in the gym and could take on any danger, pulverize any threat. But seeing it before was different; now I could touch.

I bit down on my lip, my hands greedy to finally feel him, memorize every inch of his physique with my fingers.

He huffed through his nose, brutal desire flaring his gaze.

Undoing his bowtie, I slid my hands over his shoulder, pushing his jacket and shirt off him, the fabric smacking the floor, yanking off his ear com with it, cutting him off from the outside. My hands glided down his bare torso, my nails trailing over the tattoo on his arm and side, stopping on the one on his bicep.

A daisy.

I knew his sister’s name had been Daisy.

“Is this…?” I traced the flower, petals peeling off the flower turned into teardrops as they fell. All around it was more geometrical shapes that made it stand out like a framed picture.

“We are not talking about my tattoos right now.” His mouth captured mine. Ravenous, our lips moved together, nipping, biting, demanding, almost painfully, turning up the intensity.

His fingers dug into my scalp, his lips parting my mouth, his tongue sweeping inside, devouring me in flames as his cock throbbed hard against me, wanting in.

God, yes.

Lust burned away my pain and exhaustion, my body feeling more alive than it ever had.

“Lennox,” I pleaded his name, my hands working the button of his pants, pushing between his hot skin and his boxer briefs. His size was already breaking free of his briefs, demanding my touch. My hand wrapped around him, feeling him pulse and grow harder in my palm.

Damn. He was impressive, making me even more desperate for him.

“Bugger all,” he hissed out, his hands slamming into the wall by my head, leaning me harder into the door. I loved how he felt, the power I felt in touching him, making his chest claw for air as I continued to stroke and explore him. “Jesus…Spencer…” He gritted his teeth.

I wanted more. I wanted him inside me.

I slid my hands to his trousers, pushing them down his hips. His gaze jolted up to mine. Untamed.

Hunting.

“Say it,” he demanded. Dominant. Assertive. But I knew he was the kind of alpha who would step back and let me take the lead when I wanted to.

But right then, I didn’t want to.

“I want you to say it.” He pressed me into the door, the feel of him rubbing against my knickers making me cry out with pleasure. “Be sure this is what you want.”

“You.” I curved into him. “I want you to fuck me.”

A deep growl filled the room as he pulled back from the door, my feet hitting the floor. He flipped me around, flattening my chest into the surface. The sound of the dress zipper echoed through the room, the puffy thing dropping to the ground, leaving me only in my knickers.

The fact that no bra could be worn with this dress didn’t go unnoticed; air hissed through his teeth as his hands skimmed down my back. I gasped as he shredded the nylons I had been forced to wear from my legs, tossing them to the side like there were nothing more than cobwebs.

“Much better.” His fingers skated over my hips, slowly dragging my panties down, lighting every nerve ending. He swore under his breath, his hands gliding down the back of my legs as he went down on his knees.

My heart thudded as his fingers dug into my thighs, spreading my legs, tilting me forward, opening me to him.

The rush of being exposed, vulnerable, spiked my breath.

“Bloody hell.” He growled again. “I’ve wanted to taste you for so long, to have you on my tongue.” His lips grazed the back of my thigh, biting, his tongue soothing over the bite mark.

A sound came up my throat, voices of people outside the door pressing into my ear, rising the adrenaline shaking my limbs. We could be found at any moment. Press, nobles, and celebrities were just on the other side of this door.

His tongue licked down, finding my core. “You taste so bloody good.”

“Oh god,” I wheezed, gripping the wall.

Slipping two fingers inside me, he parted my legs wider, pumping them in then out before his tongue slipped deep inside me.

My vision blurred at the sides, my nails digging into the wood door as I started to move against him, seeking the unbelievable pleasure.

His hand grabbed my hips, holding me in place as he continued, working whimpers and moans from me I had never heard before. The last thing I wanted was to bring Theo into my thoughts, but I couldn’t help acknowledging that sex and even foreplay were never like this with him. Never.

“Lennox.” I moaned loudly, my legs wobbling under the intense sensation he was spearing through me. “Please.” I had no idea what I was begging for anymore. He ignored me as he sucked and licked me with relentless fierceness. Devouring me. My orgasm raced toward the edge, making words lash out on my tongue—things I never demanded before or uttered out loud. Dirty talk had always seemed embarrassing and cheesy, especially with the Prince.

Where the hell did that girl go? I didn’t know, but this girl said what she wanted, crude demands plunging off my tongue. My need for him to be inside me soared in the room. “Lennox!”

“I really wanted you to come on my tongue.” He pulled his fingers out, biting my ass, drawing pain and pleasure from me. “But I could never disregard your wishes, Duchess.” He smirked. Standing up, he clutched my hips, tossing me back onto the counter, stepping between my thighs.

“Fuck. I don’t have a condom.”

“I’m on the pill and clean.” My knees clutched his legs, pulling him closer, not wanting this to stop. “Never had sex without a condom before.”

“Really?” He titled his head. “Not even with—”

“No.” I cut him off, not wanting to hear his name. “Especially with him.”

Heat flared in his eyes, his gaze trailing over my naked body. The idea that we would break the rules for each other spoke volumes.

“I have never either with one-night stands.” He grabbed the back of my head. Fierce. Rough. My lips parted, desire flooding me.

“Even Hazel? Or is she more than a one-night thing?”

“Definitely not. On both counts.” His mouth lowered to my breast, tugging at my nipple, my back arching into him. He flicked it with his tongue before coming back to my mouth, his gaze heavy with lust. “It was you I was imagining. Your pussy I wanted to slide into.”

Heat flared, and I yanked him into me. “Then do it.”

With his free hand, he tugged my hips to him, the other coiling my hair around his fist. My mouth parted, feeling the tip of him line up with me. He pushed into me, filling me entirely. I groaned loudly, my body trying to adjust to him.

Oh. My. God.

“Fuckfuckfuck.” He hissed, his grip digging into my flesh. “I imagined it, but you weren’t supposed to feel this bloody good.”

If it was him, the fact he was bare, or both, I didn’t care. I couldn’t even fathom how incredible he felt, almost to the point of overwhelming my sensations and nerves so much I couldn’t function, which had me more desperate. I had stopped breathing as he pushed in deeper, still not completely in. Nerves burned with heat and pleasure, my fingers burrowing into the counter.

He pulled out, pushing back in so deep, pleasure scratched up my throat, watering my eyes. Whatever he did to me, he broke loose a monster from her pen. She didn’t care about being proper, pleasing, or refined.

She was wild, indecent, fierce, and demanded more.

Insatiable.

Matching him every step of the way.

“Bloody hell.” He drove in, spearing sparks through my body, our need driving our rhythm, frantic and desperate.

“Oh god…harder!” I wanted him to destroy me. To take it all.

The sound of us filled the room, my legs shaking as my orgasm singed up my spine. “Lennox.” A cry of warning ripped from me as I chased the blissful high with abandon.

With a grunt, he pulled out, yanking me off the counter. He turned me around, fastening my hands down on the lip of the vanity.

“Watch me fuck you.” He grabbed my hips, his eyes locked on mine in the mirror. “I want you to see what I’m doing to you.”

I swear, anyone else could say that, and I would be embarrassed, but not him. The fiercer and dirtier he got, the more I was turned on. The more I wanted to match it.

He thrust back into me, splintering a cry from me, my hands going to the mirror to hold myself up.

“Spencer.” He rasped out my name, his hips slamming so hard into mine, I knew I’d bruise from the counter, but I didn’t care. I loved it. Wanted more.

“Watch.” He growled, his hands moved over my body, flicking at my nipples. My gaze took in everything, loving the full-length mirror beside us. He went slower, so I could really watch, going so deep my toes and fingers curled.

Fuck, it was hot.

Intimate.

Sexy.

“You like that, don’t you?” He slid his fingers down my stomach to my clit. “Watching me fuck you.”

“Yes.” I groaned as his thumb rubbed against me. I pushed back into him, my teeth gritting. “More…god…Lennox. Don’t stop.” My head fell back into him, my gaze never leaving his.

“I don’t plan to. Ever.” He pushed me forward into the counter, and the change of angle had me gasping. He grabbed on to me, his expression merciless. “Not until I hear you scream my name, feel you break apart.”

Playtime’s over.

Bring it. My eyes said back.

He drove into me with a brutal intensity, and all I could do was hold on, sounds I couldn’t even describe as human tumbling from me. Everything hazed around me, the burning up my spine, cooking me alive, my body starting to tumble over, squeezing around him, my fingers clawing at the intensity.

“Oh god…”

He reached around, pounding into me as his fingers rubbed through me, setting me off. Coarse, my vocals cried out, my body clenching around him.

“Fuck. Spencer!” I heard him bellow.

Everything in me exploded. The intensity froze me in place like being dropped off a cliff, that moment of suspension—utter bliss sustaining you in the air like a cartoon.

His hips slammed into me, and I felt him throb and release inside me, roaring, sending an electrical current of pleasure through me, tearing air from my lungs as I shattered into a million pieces.

I couldn’t breathe, move, or think as I slowly pieced myself together. My breath was ragged, my body still pulsing around him. Bugger, was that what a real orgasm felt like?

His chest pressed into my back, his gasps for air gliding against my neck, sliding down between my breasts.

“Fuck,” he muttered huskily against my ear.

“Yeah.” I swallowed with a chuckle. My gaze lifted to the mirror, meeting his gaze. His arms still wrapped around me, our sweaty skin pressing together, his cock still buried deep in me.

Seeing us like that, feeling him inside me, didn’t bring shame; it only brought more desire—the need to move against him, taking what I wanted.

More. More. More. More. My body screamed, already knowing I would never have enough. It got a taste and craved more already.

He snorted, a wolfish grin hinting on his lips, his head shaking like he could see my thoughts in my eyes. He probably could; I couldn’t seem to disguise what I wanted from him.

We watched each other as we regained our breaths. I trembled with the extreme onslaught of emotion and energy. I was a junkie coming down from a high, wanting another hit.

Buzzz

His phone hummed from his pants on the floor.

“Shite,” he muttered, pulling away from me. I sucked in as he slipped out of me, instantly wanting him back, filling me with pleasure. Warmth. Him. Twisting around against the vanity, I watched his naked body stroll to his clothes on the floor, swiping up his trousers, pulling out his mobile.

“Lennox here.” He put the phone to his ear, his gaze returning to me, his eyes exploring and roaming over my curves. “Sorry, mate. My com must not be working.”

Lie.

“Yeah. I saw her go into the bathroom a bit ago. Just outside waiting for her.”

Another lie.

My stomach rolled into a ball, the first inkling of reality crashing down on me. Guilt. Lies meant the truth was wrong. The truth would hurt people.

Technically I had broken up with Theo, but being here tonight didn’t feel like it, nor was it still right. But when it came to Lennox, right and wrong didn’t seem to matter.

Snatching up the torturous dress, I started to put it back on.

“Sure. Yeah. Tell Heidi, Kelly, and Chloe to calm down. I got her. Okay. Yeah. Bye.” Lennox hung up, his head dropping, his hands going to his hips, taking a huge staggering breath.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. The comfort he had being naked, standing there, feet wide, me still coating him, only made me want to touch him again, explore every inch of his physique.

No. I mentally batted my hand away, taking in a breath, turning away from him.

“Spencer.”

“Don’t.” I hauled up the dress, covering my breasts. They still tingled, feeling his hands, his lips. Every bit of me could still feel him… and was asking for another serving. “We should forget this ever happened. It was a mistake.”

He was suddenly behind me. “Maybe.” His fingers traced the bare skin along my spine, my skin shivering with hunger. Sensually gliding down to my bare ass, his hand brushed over it as he tugged at the zipper, slowly fastening it back up, my breath catching. “But it did. And it was…” He shook his head, pinching his nose. “Shite, Spencer.”

“Yeah.” I nodded in agreement. Mind-blowing, incredible, intense, amazing—none of them seemed to adequately describe it.

I only had a handful of sexual partners, including the Prince, but none of them even remotely got close to what Lennox made me feel. The monster he woke up was already greedy and wanting more. To the point I was about to take off the dress again, consequences be dammed.

Obsessed. Crazed.

Even before knowing how it felt to have him deep in me, I was a fiend.

Now?

I was so screwed.

“You’re leaving.”

“And you’re with Theo.”

“I’m not.”

“What?” He jolted back.

“After you walked away this morning, I told him it was over.” My lashes lifted, peering at him in the mirror. His strong naked body stood behind me, my tulle dress blocking some of his frame. Fuck, he looked so hot.

“Then why…”

“It’s not easy to just break up with a prince. And tonight, at the King’s birthday, was not the time. I told him I’d come. Keep up the front for another night.”

“I don’t think Theo got the memo.”

“He’s only pretending.”

“No. He’s not. I saw him look at you. The way he looked at me.” Lennox dragged his hand down his face. “Fuck.”

“What?”

Not answering, he curved around, tugging on his briefs. “Shite,” he hissed. “I have a shirt with no buttons.”

I cringed. “Sorry.”

His heated gaze slid to me. “No, you’re not.”

“You’re right; I’m not.” I bit down on my finger, watching him bend over, pulling on his trousers.

Damn…

“Well, then you get no knickers.” He snatched up the fabric, stuffing them into his pocket, zipping up his pants. I knew it was wrong to get so turned on by the idea that I was bare under the dress, sensitive and sore from him, knowing he had my knickers tucked in his pocket. But I did.

He put his shirt back on, holding it together with his tux jacket buttoned up. I stepped up to him, taking the tie from him, and looped it around his neck. His eyes were heavy on me as I worked, desire sparking in the silence. The room smelled of sex, of us.

“What are we going to do?” I muttered, not able to look at him as I finished the bow.

“Nothing.”

My gaze darted to his.

“You were right. This shouldn’t have happened.” His words were blunt, but his tone still rumbled with craving, his eyes burning. His fingers glided over the wound on my cheek. “Nothing’s changed. My life is…complicated. I can’t be anything to you.”

“Then step away.” I stared up at him. Challenging. “Walk out of this room. Walk away from me.”

He didn’t move, his expression tightening, his shoulders rising.

“Leave.”

“I can’t.” His hand grasped the back of my neck, yanking me into him, his mouth seizing mine. Voraciously, he breathed me in, claiming my mouth.

The embers flared instantly, our kiss turning crazed. The desire was more insatiable than it was before. I now knew the way his mouth tasted, the way his body felt against mine, how he looked sliding in and out of me, the way he claimed every inch of me.

His hand went into my hair as mine went around his back, sliding over his ass. The need for him filled me, making me forget about the rest of the world. He walked me back into the wall, pressing into me. I groaned, feeling him growing hard against me.

Yes. More.

My hands moved to him, rubbing against the fabric of his pants.

“Dammit.” Lennox jerked back, bending over, taking gulps of air. “We can’t. We must go. They are waiting for you.”

My skin was splotchy, my nerves trembling with need. I leaned into the wall for support, my chest pumping up and down.

“Jesus,” he hissed, turning away from me, running his hands through his hair. “I knew you were going to ruin me.”

“Ruin you?” I sputtered, looking at myself in the mirror.

“I didn’t bite you anywhere they can see.”

I shot him a look, my cheeks heating at the memory, my thighs tightening with lust. I had been coiffed into picture perfection, and now I looked mussed and wild. No makeup artist in the world could disguise the flush on my cheeks and chest, the unsmoothed edges that had curled up. Straightening my dress, I ran my fingers through my hair, doing what I could.

“You’re really not with Theo?” He stared at me in the reflection.

Turning to him, I shook my head. “No.” I didn’t say anything more; the frankness of my expression, my gaze intently on him, told him why.

Lennox Easton had completely shattered me. There was no going back. Even if nothing more happened between Lennox and me, Theo meant too much for me to stay with him.

How will you save your family, Spencer? Are you willing to go to Lord William?

Lennox stared at me for one more moment, a wisp of despondency flicking over his features so fast, I might have imagined it.

He hooked his earpiece back on, tugging at his sleeves. Only if you were really close, or he stretched his arms out, would you notice his shirt underneath had no buttons.

“Ready, my lady?” He lifted his chin, switching off his emotions in a blink.

“Yes.” Heaviness fell on my heart, understanding all I could do was finish this night out, being the perfect and gracious lady. Slipping back on my heels, I rolled my shoulders back proudly. “I’m ready.”

He opened the door, peering out first, nodding for me to go. “You’re going to need to walk in front.”

“Why?”

“Because of you…I’m hard as fuck again.”

Oh.

Chapter 7

Every step toward the ballroom cinched a rope around my gut, tugging me forward, but strangling the life from me.

Dalton waited for us at the end of one of the hallways near the ballroom. His dark eyes traveled over me to Lennox and back, his jaw tightening. “Bloody. Hell.”

“Sorry, my com’s battery must have gone out.” Lennox tapped at his earpiece. “All fixed now.”

“Stop.” Dalton shook his head. “I can’t believe you.”

“I don’t kno—”

“I said stop.” Dalton cut him off. “Do not treat me like a fool. Like you, I’ve been trained by the best, detecting the most subtle changes. Although, the dimmest idiot would pick up on you two. Look at you. Your shirt...”

Lennox’s façade instantly dropped as my head bowed, feeling the utter shame pouring on me.

“It wasn’t—” Lennox started.

“Don’t,” Dalton clipped. “Right now, we can’t go into this.” He touched his com. “Ms. Sutton is coming back in.” He dropped his hand. “You know if you hadn’t quit, I would’ve had to fire you for this.”

“I know.” Lennox kept his head high, ready to take on the penalties of his actions. “I would expect nothing less.”

Dalton rubbed at his head, exhaling before he grabbed the door handle and opened it up for me.

“Thank you,” I muttered to Dalton, stepping through, not able to look him in the eyes. He had been there since the beginning. Uptight, but always so kind to me. I could feel his disappointment bleeding into me.

I just needed to get through the night. Tomorrow, Lennox wouldn’t be the only one leaving this palace.

The moment I entered, Chloe and Heidi danced around, squawking at me, but I couldn’t hear anything they said, my body and mind in a haze. Guilt sat heavy on my chest and gut, but at the same time, I couldn’t seem to regret it. My body hummed with bliss, wanting a replay, as my brain reprimanded me like a criminal.

“I can’t believe you disappeared like that,” Chloe hissed. “How do you think it looks? Especially tonight. This night of all nights is not when you should go scampering about!”

I got that the King’s birthday was important, but my minor appearance at this huge party didn’t seem that significant. The King himself could disappear for hours without notice. There were festivities in the garden, performances circling through both the garden and ballroom, and so many people in attendance you could slip between the fabric of ballgowns, disappearing from this world.

“What the hell happened to you? You’re a mess! Did you run a marathon? You’re all sweaty!” Heidi screeched in a hoarse whisper, her fingers trying to pin down my hair, reapplying makeup she had in her bag with her. They had no clue the culprit stood not too far behind me; his presence felt even more like electricity in the air.

“Spencer.” A figure stepped behind Heidi, his gaze catching mine.

Holy shiteballs. Fear spit down on me like acid rain.

The birthday boy himself.

Alexander, King of Great Victoria, stood before me, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a whiskey glass, his severe, attractive face showing no emotion. He looked handsome as usual with slicked-back hair and an impeccable tux, but aloof and distant.

“Your Majesty.” I curtsied, almost swallowing my tongue, feeling my indiscretion glowing off my skin, allowing the entire room to see my offense.

He had never sought me out before, and I had very little interaction with him in everyday life while living here. However, now his attention was directed on me, saying my name, unnerving me beyond belief, causing me to feel more see-through than cellophane.

“May I speak with Ms Sutton alone?” His cool, authoritative voice ordered instead of asked. Terror slammed into my veins, gaze darting to Lennox. He kept his expression neutral, but I could feel the same alarm in his eyes. “I promise I will only be a few moments. I will try to keep us on schedule.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” Chloe quickly backed up, taking Heidi with her.

Lennox dipped his head, watching me intently as he moved away, his face unemotional, but I could see the strain in his jaw.

My pulse thumped against my neck, my mouth dry as I followed the King to a slightly raised footpath around the room, the white hand railing carved out of the most precious marble in the world imported from Italy. Another thing to subconsciously remind guests of their place here.

He stopped, putting his crystal glass down on the balustrade, facing out to look at the guests as a grand orchestra from Vienna played from a tier above us.

“Look out at them, Spencer.” He nodded at the party. The guests were mingling, laughing, talking, drinking, dancing, oblivious to us. “Every one of those people depends on me to protect them. Their lives are in my hands. There isn’t a moment I’m not the King. Every minute of every day, I have to be ready for anything.”

I wrapped my hands around the marble, trying to stop the trembling in my hands. All I could smell was Lennox, my core still pulsing from him.

“In my twenties, I didn’t have a clue about the responsibility that soon would be laid on my shoulders when my father died.” He spoke to me, but his attention was on his people. “I hope Theo will have longer to get adjusted, but this eventually will be his. As a royal, we aren’t given the luxury of choice. Of pursuing our dreams. To make mistakes normal people do. Though our birthright is an honor. A privilege. And I feel with the right guidance, the right partner, the right Queen by his side…” His eyes snapped to me, drilling into my soul. “Theo will be an incredible king one day.”

My throat bobbed as I tried to swallow. His implication was clear. He didn’t think I was her. Funny enough, neither did I.

“I think my reservations about you have been clear from the beginning.” He did not sugarcoat, which I respected. “My son, however, seems to adamantly think otherwise.” He sighed. “Theo is still young and naive to the world. I was hoping he would have more experience before he decided on a partner. Because you understand, there is no divorce; there is no separating once you marry.”

“Yes, sir,” I replied. “But I don’t think you will—”

“What I’m saying, Spencer,” he poignantly spoke over me, a hint of ire blushing his tone. “My son has chosen you. And allowing you into this house, this life, to the people, the royal family had to as well. Do you understand me?”

Blinking, I couldn’t speak, fear collapsing my airways.

“I made a promise to him. I would not force him to marry someone he didn’t love. I promised he would have a choice I didn’t have. I am a man of my word. And Theo seems to think himself in love with you, no matter how much I warn him feelings at this age change.”

“Majest—”

“Whatever little thing you have going on, ends now.” He took a drink, acting like what he said was about the weather. “It may sound old fashioned to you, but a queen cheating on the king makes him look weak and pathetic, while the other way may not be admired in today’s age, but is still understood and accepted.”

“Wha-what?” Wave after wave of cold sweat dampened my skin.

“Someone this evening suggested for me to take a little closer look at you and your bodyguard.” His gaze slid to me for a moment; nothing about his demeanor would suggest anything but formal conversation between us. “I have a lot going on, ruling a country, but I normally can see everything around me—all the chess pieces on the board and how they will move. I did not foresee this; however, once I really looked, it was clear as day. The fact that my son hasn’t noticed only shows how naive he is to the real world.”

Bile curled up my esophagus. I was going to vomit.

“Someday it will probably be Theo who seeks other company, and with the pressure of this job, at times, your long marriage will be passionless. It is natural for ups and downs in a marriage. But as many others can divorce or leave, it is not possible here. A partnership with respect and understanding is what carries a marriage to the end. And I hope you respect my son enough because you will have to smile through it all and keep your chin high.”

I didn’t want that kind of marriage—that life.

“Your Majesty…”

“You made your choice, Spencer. Now it’s time to act like it. You knew what it meant to officially be with Theo.” He turned fully to me. “So let me remind you, with all the press, your parents, and well-respected people here, my son’s reputation and heart are in your hands. Do the right thing. You’ve already disrespected him enough, don’t you think?” The King’s shoulder grazed mine as he strolled away. His guards, who were blending in with the wall, popped out and were at his side instantly, walking with him.

I had no idea when I stopped breathing, but my lungs gasped for air, bending me over as I grappled for oxygen, the priceless marble the only thing holding me up.

Holy fuck. Holy. Fuck.

Taking deep breaths, I looked out, seeing if anyone noticed the exchange. My gaze landed on a figure across the room, the only pair of eyes on me.

Ice formed on my ribs, icicles stabbing at my lungs.

With a condescending and knowing smirk, Lord William lifted his glass to me.

Checkmate.

He was the voice in the King’s ear, letting me know with a single move, he could control and destroy my life. He held the cards, and if I didn’t play…this would be merely the beginning.

Between him and the King, I felt like I was in some mafia movie. I did not doubt their reach in hurting my family and me was just as subtle, devastating, and controlling.

“Spencer.” Heidi was abruptly in my space, spinning me from Lord William’s notice, fixing my hair and makeup. “Seriously, what the hell did you do in the last hour to become so ragged? You’re flushed…and your hair. Makeup we spent hours on. Your scars are totally exposed again!” Her hands whipped around my face at lightning speed. “This is a bloody nightmare.”

“Come on! It’s time.” Chloe waved us forward, her expression tight. Kelly, Theo’s PR, stood on her other side, looking as tense as Chloe. As we walked, Heidi continued to pat powder on my skin and reapply my makeup.

The lights dimmed.

The music changed.

Something in my gut dropped like a sinking ship, a warning, lurching my heart up my throat.

Panic.

Anxiety attacked me with a swift punch. All I felt and heard was my heart pounding in my ears when they pulled me into the middle of the now-vacant dance floor.

Bugger all. What was happening?

“That’s the best I can do.” Heidi rolled her eyes, stepping away from me. I really disliked her, but suddenly I didn’t want her to leave me. Hundreds and hundreds of figures packed around the edge of the dance floor, their attention fixated on me, eyes burrowing.

Perspiration dripped down my back, my legs wobbling on the tall heels, emotions and fatigue causing my muscles to tremble.

Theo stepped out onto the floor, his face brimming with confidence and joy, strolling toward me.

“Can I first say thank you for everyone coming tonight. A huge and happy birthday to my father! I know this party is supposed to be for him.” He came up to my side, lapping up the audience’s attention. “However, I couldn’t help wanting to add to the already joyous occasion, with His Majesty’s approval, of course.” The audience laughed at Theo’s jest to his father.

Oh, no…please no. He wouldn’t do this to me.

“You all know the terrible event that almost took the woman I love from me.” A low murmur came from the crowd, heads bouncing in response. “As horrible as it was, something good came from it. It really woke me up—made me realize how much I love her. And if I lost out on the chance to spend the rest of my life with his woman…” He looked down on me briefly, not really seeing me, squeezing a bruise forming on my hip. “I wouldn’t have forgiven myself.”

“Theo,” I muttered, my chest fluttering up and down. “Don’t.” Did he not hear me this morning? We broke up. Did he not understand that? Either he didn’t hear me or ignored my plea, continuing with his monologue. Now it all made sense why I was specially fluffed up tonight, why the idea of me slipping out early freaked the PR team out. Everyone knew. It had been all planned down to the detail. Nothing amiss…except for one thing no one would plan on, the detail they all missed.

I had fallen in love with someone else.

The truth of it gutted me, shredding more panic down my limbs.

Oh, bloody hell. I had fallen in love with Lennox Easton.

My eyes slid to the edges of the room, searching for him, my breath desperate when I couldn’t find him. Did he know this was going to happen?

“I don’t think it’s a secret how I feel about Spencer,” Theo spoke to the crowd. Flashes from cameras were incessant, the royal photographer moving around us. “The day she told me off in class, doing something no other dared to do, I knew this girl was different.” He turned to face me, grabbing my hands.

Flash. Flash.

This can’t be happening.

“That she was the one.” Theo squeezed my hands.

No, you’re saying these things to the wrong girl!

Flash. Flash.

“Awww…” The response to his words cooed around me, sighs over the fairytale and sweet, pure love, while the bars of the cage wrapped tighter around me.

This was every girl’s dream, right? Though it had never been mine. I saw it for what it was, but still, I thought I loved Theo enough to make it work. He had been my first love. I would always love him, but I think it had been a while since I had been in love with him. We had grown, but not together.

“Spencer.” He said my name, and I could see him start to lower down on one knee.

No. Nononono.

“Theo.” I tried to beg, my eyes watering with horror and grief, probably looking like happy tears. My gaze darted out to the hundreds of faceless people, most strangers, waiting with bated breath. I hated being the center of attention. This was my nightmare—the last thing I’d want as a proposal even if I desired one.

Didn’t he know that about me? Or was this his way of getting the answer he wanted? Theo wasn’t vindictive, which didn’t mean somewhere he knew doing it this way would make my answer the one he wanted to hear.

“Spencer Helen Margret Sutton.” His knee hit the wood floor, sounding like a bomb in my head, exploding all the warnings and voices in my head.

“Nothing’s changed. My life is…complicated. I can’t be anything to you.”

“Let me remind you, with all the press, your parents, and well-respected people here, my son’s reputation and heart are in your hands. Do the right thing. You’ve already disrespected him enough, don’t you think?”

“I have the means to destroy you. If you aren’t in my office the day after tomorrow…”

“Will you do me the honor…” Theo didn’t even hesitate, slipping a huge diamond heirloom onto my finger.

Flash. Flash.

I stared at Theo. Nothing seemed real. Bare underneath my dress, Lennox was still on my skin, his claim gliding down my leg. I bit down on my lip.

“Of being my wife?”

The lock on my cage clicked shut.

The room burst with cheers and applause as Theo stood back up, sweeping me up in his arms, kissing me briefly.

“You just made me so happy,” he muttered in my ear before pulling away and holding up my hand for the camera.

Flash. Flash.

Joyous music filled the room, the lights going back up, groups of people headed for us with their congratulations. His arm curled around my back, and he was bubbling with happiness, shaking every hand and thanking every person.

Crying, my mom hugged me so tight. “I’m so proud of you. My little girl is going to be queen someday!”

“Princess Spencer! Princess Spencer!” My sister danced around me as my other family members congratulated me.

Even Fredrick pulled me into a stiff hug. “You have saved this family, dear girl. I will never forget that.”

Weight. Crushing. Killing.

I nodded, pinning a media-ready smile on my face, getting dizzy from the buzz dancing around me.

Eloise squealed, hugging me tightly. Alexander and Catherine, and even Grannie air kissed me with their congratulatory welcome-to-the-family spiel. A fiancée in the royal world was pretty much the same as a wife.

You were in.

Mafia-style.

Panic wailed inside me, my heart tearing through my chest. I clutched a glass of champagne as toasts and congratulations bubbled and sparked like tiny explosions, slicing through my poised smile with a cringe. Extreme desire to have the wind in my hair, racing across a field on horseback, fleeing from this, itched my limbs like a rash.

Trying to steady myself, I turned away from Theo, my gaze pulled to the one person in the room not celebrating.

Lennox.

In the dimness of the shadows, he leaned against the wall, one hand in his pocket, blue-hazel eyes burrowed into me. His face impassive, I still saw the anger. The accusation. Thought you weren’t with Theo? You fuck me and get engaged on the same night?

He tugged on something in his pocket. A zing of desire shot up my spine, realizing it was my knickers. He pushed off the wall, his head shaking, and he turned away from me.

Everything in my chest ached, the impulse to run after him moved my feet a few steps.

Lennox…my soul cried out his name as I watched him say something to Dalton, then sauntered right out of the room, never looking back.

“Darling!” Theo held out his hand for me. “The Prime Minister wants a picture with us.”

Lacing my fingers through his, he tugged me to him. My gaze met his. Fierce. Angry.

“We’ll talk later, okay?” he whispered to me. “Right now is not the time. Come on; this is our engagement party, Spence. Everything will work itself out. Let’s have fun tonight.”

I stayed silent, doing my duty, smiling and acting the part everyone wanted me to. I quickly realized I was inconsequential to the story. Any girl could be here.

No one noticed…

Not one person saw…

I never told Theo yes.

Chapter 8

My lids cracked open with a grunt. A glinting off my finger made my lashes pinch together, my head retreating into my pillow. For one blissful moment, my brain was blank before the flood of memories collided into my mind. My lids burst open, and I stared down at the ostentatious diamond ring on my hand.

Shite.

The tiny crumb of hope that this was some twisted nightmare dissolved.

A swirl of contradicting emotions battled in my chest. Guilt, anger, fear, desire. Theo, Alexander, my family, Lord William…Lennox.

I could still feel him, my body waking hungry. Raw. Sore.

By the time I got the chance to slip out of the gala, telling Theo I was in pain and had a headache, I had had enough. I got back to my room and collapsed on my mattress, barely getting the dress off before crawling into bed naked. My head hit the pillow and didn’t move.

With a groan, I rolled over, grabbing my cell off the side table. It was full of messages, but none of them were from him. Hey, saw you leave. Just checking in. I sent the message to Lennox, trying to keep it somewhat innocent since the mobiles here monitored. I really wanted to ask if he was longing for my touch like I was his. I wanted to know if he wished he was here, settled between my legs like I wanted.

No response.

Sighing, I turned on my side, the winter sun glowing against my blinds, curling me into my sheets, not ready to deal with the day. My thoughts couldn’t stop drifting to my bodyguard. Images of our tangled bodies, the sounds we made, the feel of him, my skin flushed with heat. I still didn’t regret it, at all, even if it was wrong.

Recalling every delicious sensation he inflicted in my body, the ghost of his presence skated over my skin. Need pulsed between my thighs so vibrantly, my hand slid down my torso, needing to relieve the pressure.

“Watch me fuck you. I want you to see what I’m doing to you.” Hearing his voice rumble in my head spiked desire instantly through me, stealing my breath. My fingers finding me, I imagined they were his. A huffed moan panted from my lips, the ache growing stronger.

So many times, I had tried to picture Theo when I was alone, even after we had sex. I never wanted to admit his face never stuck. He would become faceless, the man in my head aggressive and dominant, passion turning us feral.

Lennox was ruling my head, every bit of him in detail. The feel of him, the fantasy he was here heating me to the point it hurt. A burning strummed at my legs as I felt myself climb, seeking the release. My head tipped back in the pillows, the edge nearing.

Oh god…harder…Lennox! I yelled out in my mind, my hand working faster, a deep groan building in the back of my throat.

A knock sounded a moment before the door swung open, and Heidi barreled in, scrambling me back into my pillow with a yelp.

“What the hell?” I yanked the sheets up to my chest, my cheeks burning a deep crimson. Did she see?

“Time to get moving, princess. You have a full day.” Head down, staring at her tablet, she didn’t even look up at me.

“You don’t just come barging into my room!” I lashed at her, my body confused at the sudden change, embarrassment and desire swirling together in perplexity.

“I knocked.” She tapped on her screen, all her attention on the device.

“What if I wasn’t alone?”

“The Prince is in the breakfast room.” She swiped and tapped like the tablet was a piano.

He wasn’t who I was thinking of.

“Your day is extremely busy, so we have no time to lollygag.” She finally looked up, folding the tablet to her chest. “Get in the shower. A stylist will be here in ten.”

“Stylist?”

“Now that you are officially engaged, Chloe has hired a team for you. If you thought the attention on you before was bad, just wait. Your image, every time you step out these doors, is now RH property. We need to establish your style.” Her nose wrinkled as she peered down at my Chucks on the floor. “Which will be designed and approved by the RH.”

“Excuse me? Approved?”

“Spencer, this can’t be a surprise for you. You know how this works. You are no longer a lowly common girl who wears these.” She bunted at my grubby shoes with her toe. “You will be princess and then queen. How you hold yourself, appear, wear your hair, jewelry, things you can’t possibly dream of will be a leading headline on social media. Loved and hated. Scrutinized. At every turn ridiculed and praised. A dress you wear will become the next huge thing. Sunglasses, a necklace, a book they see you reading…you touch it, and it will sell out everywhere. Your influence could launch or kill a career. Every designer in the world will beg you to wear their creations. Every outfit and accessory is now important. You hold a bag they find is tied to animal cruelty or horrid working conditions, and you will be torn to shreds. And with you, the Royal House is shamed as well. Your image is our image. You are public property now. RH will control how the public sees you. Every detail will need approval.”

Somewhere I knew these things, but I had been far enough away not to really think about them. I would look at Theo and Eloise as everyone else did, not realizing how much went into a casual outfit or a bag they carried.

The cage continued to shrink. I was never the girl who put a lot of effort into my appearance, to my mother’s chagrin. It exhausted me. Other things seemed much more important. I preferred throwing my hair up into a ponytail and putting on jeans, riding boots, and a top from a chain store on High Street.

“Your day is booked with engagements. So much to be done. Top designers are already contacting us about your wedding and reception dresses. We will pick four dresses for you to choose from. Victoria Abbey will be the wedding venue, of course.” Every royal has gotten married in the famous royal abbey. That wasn’t even a choice. You were inducted, married, and buried there. “The King has already stated the first reception will be held here, the private one at their summer castle, and the castle up north for your honeymoon.”

My wedding…my life… planned out, without one suggestion or preference from me. Again, I was inconsequential to the story. And the public didn’t care either. They wanted their fairytale, not caring I was a real person, but someone they could live through, pretending life was unicorns and rainbows, some romantic story in a fable.

Those stupid tales really screwed people up.

“Go! Go!” Heidi yelled, gesturing to the bathroom, propelling me up and straight into the shower. I scrubbed at my hair, getting all the product out of it from the night before, going easier on my skin. I still had pain from the bombing, but the sensation of Lennox dominated, like he was still there, refusing to leave.

“Stylist is here!” Heidi screamed at me after only five minutes.

I needed to talk to Theo. End this all now. As awful as my actions were, Theo wasn’t in the right either. What he did... Anger bristled up my spine, and as I got into a robe, I was ready to stomp out and find him.

I stopped short, blinking at the room full of people staring back at me.

“This is Tom.” Heidi motioned to the man standing in my room, not even looking up from her device. Tom was dressed impeccably in a skinny gray suit with a yellow handkerchief and blue and yellow tie, his hair styled in a slicked back undercut.

“Oh, darling!” Tom came right at me, air kissing my cheeks, his horde of people behind him, dipping in some bow or curtsy. “Look at you! You are so naturally beautiful. This hair! Gorgeous, but it desperately needs me.” He tugged on my wet strands. “We’ll pop the color a bit more and cut it into an actual style. Oh, honey, your skin is so dry. And those freckles are adorable for a farm girl, but not the princess, am I right?” He tore around me like a hurricane, shoving me into a studio chair they had set up, snapping his fingers at his assistants to move.

“Let’s get to work!” They all lurched for me, kicking in my panic button.

Right then, a tray of tea, coffee, croissants, and fruit was wheeled into my room. More figures bustled about me, fawning or acting like I was nothing more than a mannequin.

I felt suffocated. Trapped.

This place almost brainwashed you, turning you into their little Zombie Barbie for them to mold into their perfect version of a princess.

“Stop,” I ordered the handful of people enveloping me. No one heard me, speaking to each other. “I said stop,” I spoke louder.

“Coffee or tea, my lady?”

“Coffee—”

“Tea!” Tom replied over the blast from the hairdryer. “Coffee dehydrates the skin and stains teeth.” The maid listened to him, setting a cup of tea on the table next to me.

I hated tea. It was the final straw. My vision became spotty with rage, the phoenix rising.

“I. Said. Stop!” Deep and guttural, my temper flared, shoving me up on my feet, people stumbling back. “Back off!”

The talking, the hairdryer, and movement stopped, everyone going silent. Still. Like they were put in a room with a rabid animal.

I rammed through the horrified expressions, ignoring Heidi’s call as I charged out of the room, feeling every bit the feral beast. I just no longer cared.

“Theo!” I barked for him, staff leaping out of my way as I descended the passage, heading for the breakfast room, not caring my hair was wet and I was only in a robe.

“Theo!” I screamed his name, coming around the corner to the elegant room

Fuck. My. Life.

The entire royal family, including Grannie, sat around the table, gracefully drinking their tea and nibbling on breakfast.

“Of course,” I muttered to myself.

“Spence?” Theo stood up, his brows furrowing. “Are you all right?”

“Am I all right?” My poignant stare drove into him. “Do you I look all right?”

“You look a fright, my dear. And screaming like that through the palace? So vulgar. Common.” The dowager sipped her cup, her voice snotty. “The staff will see you, and we certainly do not want them to. Please go back to your room and become more presentable, like a lady, before you ever walk these hallways again.”

I wanted to show her where she could shove her notions. To her being “common” was vulgar, like we were all wild and undomesticated.

“Grandmother, things aren’t as uptight as they used to be. I’ve wanted to come down in my robe most of the time.” Eloise winked at me, not at all fazed by me.

“But you haven’t. Because there are standards here. Propriety. And she needs to understand this as soon as possible.” The King’s eyes flashed from her to me. “Do not ever come out of the privacy of your chamber like this again, Spencer.” Standing up, he wiped at his mouth, his footman right there, helping him slip on his jacket. “I expect you at the meeting, Theo,” he announced and strolled out.

Catherine stared at me, her expression empty, though I thought I detected a hint of sadness, of longing. The rumor was she had left a lover behind because she was chosen to marry the King. Was she like me at one time? Fighting and clawing to keep a piece of herself, and eventually, it broke her. Took her under.

“Theo?” It wasn’t a question, but a demand, my bare feet padding toward the kitchen.

“Not even married yet and already getting the wife glare from her!” Eloise laughed. “Theo’s in the doghouse.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled, his shoes clipping the floor behind me, following me into the only room which felt comfortable to me, which had more to do with Lennox than the actual space.

“Give us the room.” I heard my voice speak to the staff in the kitchen, full and authoritative, sounding very much like a future monarch.

One I would hate.

You could see they didn’t like the royal in waiting ordering them around already, but they stopped what they were doing and exited. I could hear it already: “She’s not even a princess yet and already acting like she rules the place.”

The moment the last person disappeared out the door, I swung around, fire burning in my chest.

“Wow. You are a natural. I don’t think they’ve even taken my orders like that before.” Theo smiled down at me like he had no idea what was coming.

“How could you?” I seethed.

“Spence—” Theo reached for me.

“No.” I shoved his hands away. “What. The. Fuck. Theo? How could you do that to me?”

“What? Want to marry you? Give you the most romantic proposal?”

“Are you kidding me right now?”

He shifted on his feet.

“Do you or do you not remember being in this very room yesterday morning? When we broke up!”

“We didn’t break up. We had a fight. You only needed a moment to cool down.”

“Theo!” I bellowed, my arms flying out. “I told you I wasn’t happy. That I didn’t want this anymore. Am I going crazy? You did hear me, right?”

“Yes.” He licked his lips, turning his head to the side. “I know it’s scary and overwhelming being part of this whole circus, but I love you, Spencer. We can work through all that. It will calm down, and everything will be perfect.”

“Oh my god.” I pressed my hands into my forehead, feeling like I stepped into some alternative universe. “Theo, are you even listening to me?”

“I am, but I know you, Spence. You flip out easy, but once you calm down, you realize you freaked out for nothing.”

I couldn’t deny I was set to react first, the flame in me igniting on defense before I took a breath and realized it wasn’t that bad.

“This is different.” A surge of sadness sizzled my throat with bile, my lids blinking as I slipped off the ring. “I can’t marry you, Theo.”

His body stilled, his breathing moving his chest in rapid motion.

“I’m sorry. Trust me; I went into this believing it all could work out. That love was enough.”

“And you don’t now?” Cold, his tone sliced through the room.

“No.” I gnawed on my lip.

“Do you love me?” He clipped out each syllable.

I swallowed, not able to meet his gaze.

“Spencer? Do you love me? Yes or no.”

“It’s not that black and white.”

“Yes.” He clutched my chin, turning it up to him, anger and pain glinting in his irises. “It is.”

“You’re my first love. I will always love you…”

“But?” he ground out.

“I’m not in love with you,” I croaked out softly, a tear rolling down my cheek. “Not enough.”

It was as if I’d stabbed him in the heart. Pain and grief filled his expression as much as he tried to hide it; devastation gurgled in his throat as he stepped back, turning away from me.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t.” He shook his head, not facing me. “I don’t want to hear your pity.”

“It’s not pity, Theo. I care about you so much. You were my friend first, and hurting you is killing me.”

“But not enough to stay with me.”

“What?”

“What did I do wrong?” He twisted around, and I stumbled back. “What happened to make you stop loving me?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head. “You are wonderful…just not for me.”

“Bloody hell, Spencer.” He started to pace. “You were it for me. I was so happy thinking about marrying you, moving out of here, settling down, having kids.”

“Did you even think once if it was the life I wanted? I don’t even know if I want kids.”

“What?” His head jerked to me, his eyes wide. “You don’t want a family?”

“Family, yes. Kids…I don’t know. They are not mutually exclusive.” I replied, my voice rising. “I shouldn’t have to know right now. I’m not even twenty. I’m sure the PR team has already set dates on when I should conceive and when the second child should come. And if I decided I didn’t want kids? Oh my god… the media, this family, the public…you. I would be ridiculed and shamed. That’s what I’m getting at. We’re so young. I should be at Uni, getting drunk and staying up all night studying. Instead, I wake up to stylist controlling what I wear, how my hair should look, and I guess having freckles is against princess code. Everything out of my mouth is practically scripted. I already know where I’ll be married and buried.”

I took a breath, trying to calm myself. “The one thing I hate is being treated like a hobby and brushed aside as a passing fancy. Everything that made me, me—the girl you supposedly fell in love with—is gone.” The dam had broken, and everything was spewing out, including my tears. “Did you know Mina no longer wants to be my friend, and I didn’t even know Landen was shipped off to the military? Those were my friends, my family. And I lost them because I chose you—this life. I’ve given up everything, but you’ve sacrificed nothing. Do you realize if I wasn’t here, nothing about your life would change? Not one thing. Where everything in mine has. You have known nothing else. This is your life, and I understand that, and the person marrying you should want it too.”

Dumbfounded, he stood there like aliens had taken me over.

“If we were so in love, we should be bursting with excitement and lust, not able to keep our hands off each other,” I exclaimed. “Don’t you think it’s an ominous sign that on our supposed engagement night, we slept in different rooms?”

“You said you were tired and in pain. You had a headache.”

Jesus, didn’t he hear how ancient we sounded?

My lids pinched briefly together, aware that none of those things mattered with Lennox. No pain would stop me from at least wanting him to be next to me in bed. With Theo, they were excuses to be left alone. And he didn’t fight me on it one bit.

“Do you even love me?”

“Of cours—”

“No.” I held up my hand. “I want you to really think about it, not just give me a knee-jerk response because I feel it’s become more the idea of me than actually me anymore. The next thing on your checklist for becoming a great king. I stand by your side and smile, the perfect wife, always there for you. But when was the last time you actually thought about me?”

“I think about you all the time.”

“Last night? That proposal. Did you think I’d like that? In front of everyone?”

Putting his hands on his hips, he stared at the ground.

“Theo, you know me. Do I like being in big crowds where everyone is watching me?”

“No,” he whispered.

“Then why?”

He stayed silent, still not looking at me.

“Tell me why you would do that to me,” I demanded.

“Because I knew you couldn’t say no!” His head bolted up, a flare of his temper showing.

I sucked in; it was the first bit of honesty from him.

“Fuck, Spencer, I’m not blind. I could feel you drifting from me. And I reacted, knowing in front of people you’d agree. I didn’t want to lose you, and I thought if we got past all this uncertainty, got engaged, we’d find our way back. We still can.”

“No.” I stepped up to him, the ring between my fingers. “We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because.” My eyes watered. “You deserve someone who loves you with all her heart. To not even hesitate for a moment when you propose.”

He didn’t speak for over a minute, staring at the ring, tears glinting in his eyes. Finally, he took it, exhaling heavily, clearing his throat. “It’s not so easy. You can’t simply un-engage from a prince.”

“What do you mean?”

“The world is just finding out we got engaged. The authorized comments from RH were issued only moments ago. Our picture has been put up on the official website. It’s too soon to flip it on everyone, and today Father and I have a stressful meeting with Parliament.” He grunted. “What my father is going to say about this…I can’t deal with this today.”

I swallowed. I knew exactly what his father would say. But would he really want his son to marry someone who didn’t love him? Wouldn’t he want more for him?

“Please, can you pretend a little longer?” He grabbed my hand, slipping the ring back on.

“Theo.”

“Please, do me this favor.”

I took in a deep breath, feeling the weight step back on my shoulders.

“Give me a few days. We’ll talk later about how to handle this.”

“Theo…”

“Please, Spencer? I just need a little time. Can you keep acting like everything is fine?”

My shoulders drooped, knowing this wasn’t as simple as handing back the ring and walking away. Not for royals. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Thank you. Let’s keep this between us for right now, not even my sister. Okay?” He stepped up to me, his lips brushing my forehead. “And I won’t lie and say I don’t hope you will give me one last chance. I don’t want to give up on us. I think we could have been really happy.” He kissed me again before moving away, sadness etching his face. “When you said yes last night, you made me the happiest man in the world.” He choked, twisting and strolling for the door.

“Theo?” Pain pinched my expression. That tiny bit of hope Theo still held on to broke. A tear slid down my cheek.

He paused, looking back at me.

“You never even noticed.”

“What?”

“I never said yes.”

While Theo was dealing with the kingdom, I was required to deal with the wedding and engagement plans. By how quickly the House responded to the engagement, Chloe must have been preparing for a while. The folder was thick, and the contacts, the most prestigious in the world, were already dumping sketches on my lap.

The day was a blizzard of meetings and discussions about things I really didn’t have much say over anyway. People showed me a handful of approved dresses, flowers, and jewelry. None of them were me. And after a while, I nodded at anything they recommended, tuning out. It was crazy; no one saw how unexcited I was. Shouldn’t the bride be bustling with enthusiasm?

I kept asking for another glass of champagne, the only perk of the day. I continued to text Lennox, indignation blazing the longer he ignored me. He was still my bodyguard. What if I needed him? Would he go against his duties to stay away from me? The fact he left me last night completely went against protocol.

“It is such an honor to be even asked to present you with one of my designs for your dress, my lady,” one designer gushed, jolting me back to the present. She pranced around, not able to hide her nervous excitement. “I would be so unbelievably honored to also design any gala or event dresses for you. Anything. Even a robe from my line could transform my life.”

Damn you, Theo. Guilt enveloped me over the effort people were putting forward with the hope this would change their careers. And it would all be for naught.

While Chloe and others went over specifications and contracts, I noticed Dalton stroll by the room.

“I’ll be right back.” I leapt off the sofa, rushing out of the room.

“Dalton.” I jogged after him.

He stopped, curving to see me. “My lady.” He dipped his head. “May I offer my congratulations.”

“Don’t,” I muttered, my gaze roaming around for unwanted ears. Tugging his sleeve, I slinked into an empty sitting room. They had a dozen of them, and most were never used. I shut the doors, my words drying up on my tongue, peeling and cracking as they came out. “I’m sorry…for what you saw…god…I can’t imagine what you think of me.”

“It is not my place to judge, miss.”

“Please,” I replied wryly. “You of all people have the right. You have been so kind to me when so many weren’t. And I feel I’ve betrayed you as well. Disappointed you.”

Dalton took a breath, his massive shoulders sinking, his stern guard expression slipping slightly.

“If it makes my actions any less horrendous, I did end things with Theo earlier yesterday. Or so I thought. Last night was supposed to be us putting on a face, until…”

Dalton’s curious gaze met mine. He had the kind of penetrating stare that was sexy and intimidating at the same time. He and Lennox seriously could do a photoshoot for the hottest bodyguards alive.

“The thing with Lennox. I fought it for a long time and after the bombing... I can’t say my choices weren’t hurtful and despicable, but—” I stopped, the intense feelings for Lennox ripping out my oxygen.

“What you do is not my concern.” Dalton cuffed his hands, standing tall. “No need to explain it to me.”

“But I feel like I do.” I took a step toward him. “Out of everyone in this place, your respect means the most to me.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“Don’t fuckin’ ma’am me.” I glared at him, making a chuckle roll off him. “You have known and watched Theo for a long time. Protected him in all ways. I hate how this happened, and I hate you might feel in the middle.”

“You know I wasn’t Lennox’s biggest fan when he first arrived, but he quickly changed my notion of him. He has become a good mate and has my utmost respect for what he has gone through in his life. But you know as much as I like you, my loyalty will always be to Theo first. His safety. But his personal life is not my affair.”

I nodded, swallowing down the tightness in my throat. “Theo doesn’t know about Lennox and me. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have. But he knows where we stand.” I twisted the ring around my finger. “He wanted a couple of days before we told everyone.”

“Forgive my bluntness, but do you realize what is ahead? It will be a PR nightmare for this place. But I’m more worried about you. It will be you who will be crucified, hounded, and torn apart, no matter how much Theo states it was mutual. Your life will never be the same.”

My teeth ground together, comprehending the horror that waited for me. The hate and backlash would be unfathomable. “It’s better that happens than Theo marrying someone who really doesn’t want to be here. He deserves better.”

Dalton’s head dipped in regard. “This is why I will always respect you, Spencer. I don’t agree with what you did, but you still chose Theo’s happiness. Even if he doesn’t recognize it right now.”

Tears thickened my throat and swelled in my chest. “I’m willing to accept whatever comes because I know down the road, Theo will thank me. He will meet her and realize the happiness he felt with me was a shadow of what he has with her.”

Dalton eyed me. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

I peered up at him, letting him see the truth in my expression.

He bobbed his head in understanding. “Thought so.”

“Do you know where he is? I’ve tried texting him a dozen times.”

“He walked out last night, forgoing his severance package and recommendation. Handed in his mobile and left.”

“What?” My body jolted as if it had been electrocuted. I knew he was leaving, but people usually stayed on another week or so to train the next person. Especially here. I heard they had a strict two-week policy. “Do you know where he went?”

“I don’t know.” Dalton moved for the door, stopping right at my side. “What I do know is he relinquished a good chunk of money and benefits. Do you know what a recommendation from the Royal House can do for you? It can open any door in the world. It can change your life.” His gaze cut into my soul, forcing me to look away. “Someone would really have to be upset to walk away from that.”

My mind replayed the moment our eyes met, my newly announced engagement buzzing around me when he turned and stalked out.

“There is nothing more torturous than watching the person you love with someone else.” He brushed past me.

“Dalton?”

I curved around watching him grab for the door, his neck craning back.

“Are you in love with her?” The query came tumbling out, though I felt I already knew the answer.

He schooled his face, his voice stiff. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Of all people, Dalton, I understand falling for someone you shouldn’t. But I’m pretty sure she loves you too.” I tilted my head.

His Adam’s apple bobbed, his eyes staring at the ground.

“Some lines can’t be crossed, no matter what you feel.” Resignation clipped his tone. He yanked open the door and strode out, placing more heartbreak on my chest.

The place of some people’s fairytales and dreams was constructed entirely of broken hearts and lies.

Chapter 9

“I know. Don’t disappoint me. Noon.”

The text hidden in the message felt alive, as if the words could climb out of the phone, telling everyone of my crimes. At first, I didn’t know if it was what was said or the fact Lord William knew what texting was, but there was no disguising the threat.

I know.

That, above all, pulsed panic through my veins.

“Here, miss.” My cab driver’s voice rattled through my bones, my head twisting toward the window to the Georgian style buildings in front of me. In the poshest neighborhood, not far from our parliament building, Lord William’s residence took up a good portion of this row. Though he had a beautiful country estate where his wife lived, he spent most of his time in the city.

Shocker.

Even if she liked the city, I wondered if she picked living in the country on purpose. I would if I was married to this dirtbag.

As with most nobles, no one really had a clue what he did to afford such luxurious accommodations, but if I was a betting woman, going by my family, he was just a vile loan shark with a top hat.

“Thank you,” I muttered, ducking deep into my hood. The last thing I wanted was to be recognized.

With everything going on, I had pushed Lord William to the back of my mind. I ended up not seeing Theo the rest of the night, eating an awkward dinner with Catherine, Anne, and Eloise as they played get-to-know-the-fiancée. Finally, Eloise pulled me out, and we snuck into the movie theatre downstairs and got drunk. I adored El, and I hated every time she brought up the wedding. I hated keeping something like this from my friend. She had become someone dear to me, and it pained me to know I would be losing her as well in this mess.

Theo didn’t answer any of my texts, his absence twisting my stomach with dread, like he was sticking his head in the sand again, pretending nothing changed.

Now I had two guys ignoring my messages.

Lord William’s text to me was just another nail in my coffin.

I know.

No doubt he was talking about Lennox and me—a tabloid story the RH did not need. Theo and I breaking up would be enough gossip for a lifetime.

Feigning a blinding migraine, saying I just needed to be left and alone to sleep, I crept out through the garden, slipping out the side gate where tons of tourists and people mingled, making it easy to get lost in the crowd.

There were security cameras and guards everywhere, but most were looking for a breach in, not out. They wouldn’t imagine the Prince’s fiancée would be sneaking out, and without Lennox on my arse, it was much easier to escape.

I desperately wanted to see him, to tell him everything, but I never knew his private mobile number. I didn’t even know where he lived.

“Miss?” The taxi driver snapped me back to the present.

“Yes. Thank you.” I got out of the car, about ready to jump back in when the cab tore off down the street.

“Shit.” I sighed under my breath, staring up at the building, warm lights glowing against the dreary cold day. Fear coiled in my stomach, but I placed one foot in front of the other, treading up the stoop. Taking another deep breath, I ignored the thrashing heart in my chest. I understood what he wanted from me. He made it perfectly clear how I could get my family out of this. The idea instantly burned disgust in my stomach like a bubbling cauldron of poison.

He held the power; the rules were always in his favor. There would be no end to what he would demand from me with a simple threat.

My mother’s sentiment the other night when I said goodbye to my family twisted in my stomach. “We are so proud. The dignity and respect you have brought this family. Your father doesn’t say much, but I know enough to realize you saved this family. We all love you so much.”

I rolled my lips together, choking back the sobs in my throat. She had no idea what she had just placed on me.

The doorbell chimed, sounding like a signal of doom. Movement behind the door thumped fear against the back of my legs.

Run, Spencer. Deal with the consequences. But I knew I couldn’t. William would make sure this fell on my family, on the Royal House, on Lennox.

The door swung open, revealing an older woman wearing a servant’s uniform similar to the ones at the palace. Her sour face twisted as her gaze moved down me with disgust.

“I’m here to see Lord William,” I croaked.

“Of course you are.” Repugnance spewed from her, but it seemed directed at me, not for the man calling the meeting. Like I was the harlot coming in to seduce a married man. “I will let his lordship know.”

Closing the door behind me, she huffed, not hiding her loathing of me before knocking softly on the door right off the entry. “Lord William, there is a…girl…here to see you.” She stressed the word as if it were an insult.

I was a girl, young while he was old and powerful. According to the rumors, I wasn’t the first woman he had forced himself on. She probably saw a parade of young women through here, but she clearly thought it was us who were at fault.

Sickening.

“Let her in, Maude.” His voice was ice down my spine, shivering me with cold so deep it carved out my bones.

She opened his door, motioning for me to move. “Hurry up, girl, his lordship is a busy man.”

Her tone fired hatred and life back into my veins. I lifted my head proudly, knowing the lies about to come out of my mouth, but I didn’t care. Stepping close to her, my gaze went down her like she was a bug. “You will address me as Your Royal Highness when you speak to me.”

Her head bolted back, her eyes widening, really taking me in. The girl in jeans, Chucks, and hooded jacket was not what she expected from a future princess, but now that she really looked at my face, I watched her throat dip, trying to swallow back her fear.

“My lady.” She curtsied, her head lowering immediately, “Forgive me for my rudeness. I did not recognize you.”

“There should be no difference whether I am a queen or penniless commoner in how you treat me.” I held myself over her small round frame like a mallet.

“Maude, you may go,” William cut in. “Shut the door.”

She dipped her legs in a bow before quickly shutting the door in distress.

A low chuckle yanked my head back to the man standing behind his desk. Wearing a tweed suit, his jacket tossed on the back of his chair, he patted his head with a handkerchief, peering up at me from his files on his desk.

“Nothing frightens Maude, but I dare say, you may have kicked some life back into that crusty carcass.”

My throat thickened with acid. “Speaking as a man who was probably around when this country was founded in the fifteenth century.”

He forced a curl over his lips. “Not quite, but my family was here. Our name has been intertwined with the royal family as long as they’ve been established here.”

I stared at him, making his mouth curl up into a smug sneer.

“Good of you to come, Ms. Sutton.” He motioned to a chair on the other side of this desk. I didn’t budge. “I knew you’d come to your senses. Please sit.”

“No, thank you.” I folded my arms.

He smirked as he walked around the desk. His skin was pasty and damp, only adding to the repulsion I felt down to my toes for this man.

“Fire and spunk. I’m so going to enjoy you.” He leaned on the edge of his desk, his demeanor shifting in a blink to ire, spitting out the demand. “Sit.”

My eyes never leaving him, I circled the curved leather chair, perching on the lip, scanning the room quickly. The office was in dark woods and creams. Built-in bookcases and cabinets were on two connecting sides stocked with books, pictures, and art sculptures. Arched windows overlooked the street, covered by thick cream organza curtains, and a heavy piece of furniture acting as the cocktail bar was set up along the entry wall. His desk was elegant with skinny legs, but the dark wood made it feel masculine. The room smelled of stale cigar smoke, whiskey, and him, which was a mix of rotting corpse, wet wool, and old man aftershave.

“Would you like a drink, my dear?”

“No.” My nails dug into the arms of the chair. “Let’s cut the bullshite.”

His eyes flared with heat, a smile curving his mouth, his tongue slipping over his lip. “To the point.” He reached for his trouser zipper. “No fuss or pretending this is not going to happen. I’m impressed, my dear.”

“If you move your hand one more millimeter, I will slice it off with a letter opener.” My voice was cool and even, but my gaze burned with rage.

His nose wrinkled, confusion and anger threading together. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” I couldn’t or wouldn’t touch him. Ever. The thought of touching him, doing what he wanted, would kill me, which made me feel selfish, but it would strip me of my soul. And as much as I loved my family, I couldn’t.

“Do you realize, little girl, what happens if you don’t?” he seethed, fully standing, his fingers rubbing at his temple. I rose to my feet. Standing, I was still a lot shorter than him, but it made me feel less vulnerable. “You will be destroyed. Your family will be penniless and out on the streets, shamed in the papers. And fucking your bodyguard last night? It was so obvious.” He stepped closer, his sweaty body hovering over mine. “I will happily drag you and him down. The shame and ridicule will not only be on you. Can you do that, Spenccceerr?” He slurred over my name. Was he drunk? “All those lives ruined? Does Theo deserve you screwing the hired help behind his back? Told you if you needed a little extra, you could come here.”

I swallowed back the vomit building in my throat. “You are the most loathsome bastard alive. Your poor wife. God, I can’t imagine why she’s stayed married to you.”

“She likes spending my money and doesn’t care what I do on the side.” His gaze dropped to my breasts. I wore the most bulky and unflattering outfit I could find, but he still made me feel like he could see right through, my skin itching and clawing like it wanted to slither off my bones and hide. “But don’t act like you have a problem fucking a married man.” His slurring tripped in and out of his sentence as he stepped into me, unsnapping his pants. I stumbled back, my calves hitting the chair.

“What does that mean?” I moved around the chair, putting space between us. “Have you finally gone senile, old man?”

“Oh. You don’t know?” Arrogance perfumed off him, a Cheshire smile engulfing his mouth. “This is so brilliant. Makes this even better, to have that sharp mouth around my dick soon.”

I gagged, not able to hide my revulsion. “What are you talking about? I’ve never touched a married man in my life.”

“You sure about that?” His sentence smeared together, his sneer lifting one side of his mouth, sweat beading down his forehead.

“Yeah.” I tightened my jacket around me, stepping back for the door.

“Guess you’re not the only one hiding secrets. And when the world learns this…oh, my dear, you won’t survive this scandal.” He stumbled as he traveled to me. “The world will tear you apart. There will be no coming back.”

“Seriously, how drunk are you?” I edged closer for the exit. “I came here to plead with your humanity. Hoping you would be merciful, but I realized that’s a lost cause. You have none.” I eyed my exit. Only a few steps and I could run for it.

His expression shot from me to the door, gauging the space, ire compiling along his jaw.

It was just a beat; tension crackling the space. We both moved at the same time, my hand curling around the handle, a cry breaking from my lips as his long arms grabbed me, whipping me around, slamming me painfully against the wall, my head cracking back, my hip hitting the bar, my eyes watering as the pain stabbed through me.

He pressed his form into me, his stinky breath and musty suit burning my nostrils. “You aren’t going anywhere, princess.” He sneered the title, his hands grasping my arms, pinning them back into the wall, shoving me tighter between the cabinet, wall, and himself.

“Get off me!” I bellowed.

“Not until you give me what I want, you fuckin’ little tease.”

“Not a chance!” I struggled against him, but he pinned all his weight on me, squashing me as his hands clumsily pawed at my clothes, trying to undo my jeans and shove up my sweater. “No! Stop!”

“You came to me.” He scoffed, panting for air as he tried to contain me. “How do you think that will look to the media? You think they will ever believe you? Stop fighting me. I know you want it…you’re practically begging me.” The entire end of his sentence mashed up together in a garble. “You want to save your family from ruin? Your relationship with Theo? I know something that will devastate you more than you could possibly imagine. You can oblige me or not. Either way, I will enjoy breaking that feisty spirit of yours.” His hands tore at the button of my jeans, trying to shove them down. I squirmed against his hold, but he had me restrained so tightly against the table and him, all I could do was wiggle my shoulders.

This can’t be happening.

“Help!” I bellowed. Maude didn’t seem to like me, but could she really step to the side and let this happen to someone? To the future princess? “Help!”

“You think she will come save you?” He laughed, his fingers so cold and boney they felt like a skeleton touching my skin, pushing at my sweater, running along my bra. “She’s so deaf, there’s a light in the kitchen to let her know someone is at the door. She won’t help you, girl, not that she would anyway. She has been in this house for forty years and turned a blind eye to all my lovers coming in and out.”

“Your lovers?” I sputtered. “You are sick! How do you even look at yourself? Can’t get a woman who actually wants to be with you, so you have to force them?”

“You think me so vile?” He growled. “At least I tell you the truth. You know I’m married. You know what I want. Can you say the same for your bodyguard?” He forced my jeans lower, propelling bile onto my tongue. A wretched whimper shot from my esophagus, waiting to crawl out of my body.

Think, Spencer. Think!

“Your bodyguard?” He leaned into me, almost like he couldn’t hold himself up anymore, his mouth scraping my ear, his fingers pushing into my knickers, “is married.”

With his words, his touch—rage snapped like a twig, inundating me like a wild animal.

“Shut up!” I shoved against his frame with everything I had, my nails scraping at his face, and he stumbled back. He cupped his cheek, peering down at the dots of blood. Only half his face contorted into wrath as he glared back for me.

But I was no longer there. The beast inside, the one that could rise like the phoenix, bellowed inside my chest.

Two things buried such deep hate in me: people harming innocent animals in any way,

And…

Men using power, position, blackmail, and intimidation to abuse women so their egos could feel better about the fact they lacked anything resembling a real man.

“You bitch!” He spat at me as he lurched for me.

Reaching across the table, I snatched up the closest object, swinging a crystal decanter bottle at him in threat.

A strange mangled noise came from him as he staggered backward, his hands going to his chest.

I didn’t even touch him. Was he going to play that game? Turn this around like I attacked him?

“Oh, how fast you crumble when the girl gets a little backbone! Come on, arsehole…fight me now!”

He curved over, gasping and gurgling. He peered up at me, half of his face appearing like it was dripping down his face, one arm falling lifeless to the side.

“Lord William?” I heard myself croak.

His face twisted, and a strained groan pitched from him as he toppled back, smashing into his desk.

Crash!

Both he and the desk hit the wood floor with a thud, all the contents inside spewing out like it threw up over the room. His hand clawed at his chest as he gasped for air.

“Oh. My. God.” I cried out, reflex driving me instantly down to his side. “Lord William?” His eyes were glazed over as he sweated profusely, groaning. Panic thumped up my vertebra. “Help! Someone help,” I screamed, realizing too late Maude probably wouldn’t hear me.

“Fuck. Fuck.” I crawled over the debris streamed on the ground, searching for his landline. I had left my cell back at the palace so they couldn’t track me if they found I was gone. My hands shaking, I dialed the emergency number, spitting out what I could to the dispatch.

“Hurry!” I screamed before I hung up, scrambling back over to him. He laid there unmoving, his skin pasty, oxygen no longer pumping his chest up and down. “Shite!”

A part of me, deep down, knew if he died, so would a lot of my problems…

How I wished I was that person, but I wasn’t. Like with animals, I wanted to save, protect, and help the creatures who couldn’t speak up for themselves. Lord William was one of those right now, no matter how much I hated him.

“Maude! Help!” I tried to call for her again, hoping she was close. An anguished noise coiled in my chest before I bent over, starting CPR.

How ironic, I still ended up having my mouth on him.

Either she was near or sensed a disturbance in the house she ran for so long. Maude burst into the room, her face paling, screaming as she fell down next to her employer. The sirens from the ambulance hinted in the distance.

Time moved both fast and glacially before figures bustled around me.

“Miss, we got this.” A man’s voice dominated the room, pushing me out of the way as the EMTs got to work.

I crawled back, my spine hitting one of the bookcases, the entire ground littered with objects from his overturned desk. My palm flattened on something glossy.

Maude flapped around uselessly, glaring at me as if I was the cause, constantly asking them if he was all right instead of letting them do their jobs. They tuned her out as they got him on a gurney, his breath steady, and wheeled him outside into the ambulance.

“You saved his life.” The female EMT turned to me, the acknowledgment of who I was popping on her face like fireworks. “Oh, my goodness…My lady.” She dipped her head, her eyes widening, “I-I didn’t know it was you. Are you all right? Were you hurt?” She peered around the room at the mess. It did look like we got into a brawl. Instinctively she reached for my hand to help me rise.

“No.” I shook my head, needing the steadiness of the ground under my arse. “I’m fine.”

“Well, I can say he is only alive because of you.” She stared at me with awe and respect. “He owes his life to you.”

With Lord William, saving his life would have no sway over my situation with him.

“I’m truly honored.” She dipped then turned, following her coworkers as Maude ran outside, still hounding them about his condition, almost running into two policemen coming in.

“Miss?” One spoke to me, but I couldn’t seem to respond. “Are you all right?”

I sat there, the shock of what took place in the last hour, hell the last few days, settling in. I felt dazed and numb.

“Miss, we will need to ask you some questions.”

Nodding, I slowly started to push myself up, my sweaty palm peeling from the paper it had been pressing on. Looking down, I glanced at the items. Several pictures laid in disarray.

What the bloody hell?

My fingers pinched the picture, staring at it, but my brain couldn’t seem to make sense of it. I picked up the others, my breath going shallow as my pulse knocked inside my ears.

“Wait, you look familiar.”

“You’re Spencer Sutton, aren’t you?’

Voices speaking to me were distant and hazy as my shaky hands held the images.

All of them were boudoir-type pictures of a couple, the paper colored with age. It was the people in them that heaved dread in my chest. Both much younger but still clearly recognizable, plus I had seen many youthful pictures of her in photo albums and portraits placed all over the house.

My Aunt Lauren…and Lord William.

“Oh, god.” My hand went to my mouth, each picture showing undoubtedly their mutual attraction, each picture getting more sexually playful and kinky. A happiness I had never seen on my aunt’s face grinned salaciously back at me, enjoying everything they were doing. He was still a lot older than her even back then, but his thing for young girls was well known.

No, that wasn’t what spiraled my heartbeat to the point my head spun. It was seeing Lord William at least twenty years younger, all his hair its original color, and his face still chiseled enough not to look like every old man.

I had never known Lord William was a ginger. He had much more delicate features than my uncle. Pretty almost. Nothing like the man I saw now that age and horridness had twisted his soul, coloring his features.

Gazing at his light brown eyes and reddish hair, smirking as he stared straight into the camera, I felt my stomach drop to the floor.

Because it wasn’t Lord William who I saw staring back at me…

It was Landen.

Chapter 10

The siren cut through the air, the sound bouncing off the buildings. I watched the shops and homes blur past me, the police car weaving and zipping through traffic. Tucked back in my hood, I stayed low and silent in the back seat. Because of who I was, the police escorted me to the hospital, insisting I be checked out after they spotted some bruises and rips in my clothing. The last thing I wanted was to be back in the hospital after my last time there, but I knew I couldn’t refuse. Who I was now came with the extra pressure of people possibly losing their job or getting in trouble if they didn’t do everything for the princess in waiting. I was a highly fragile product.

I was fine, but another reason for me agreeing to go was because I needed answers from Lord William.

My fingers grazed over the set of pictures in my pocket, my stomach rolling with what I thought knew, but still was hoping I was wrong. Was Landen William’s son? I mean brown eyes weren’t uncommon even if your parents didn’t have them, right? My uncle had the reddish hair, and there was not a moment you’d ever doubt Landen was their child. But seeing William in his youth, his eyes the exact color brown as Landen, the same sharper, delicate features.

Oh god…

Numbly, I let the cops take me into the hospital to get checked out, with the demand they left the Royal House out of it. It took begging, then a few threats before the doctor and police nodded in agreement, not pleased at all.

“How is Lord William?” I asked the doctor as he finished taking my pulse and examining my healing injuries from the bombing.

“He’s steady. Awake, but we will keep him for a few days to watch him. This is his second mini-stroke this year. You saved his life.” The doctor wrapped his stethoscope over his neck, stepping back. “You are clear to go. Your wounds from the incident are healing nicely.”

I nodded my head, sliding off the table.

“You’ve been through a lot lately.” He scribbled on his clipboard, his gaze darting to me. “You are a very resilient young woman, Spencer. We are very lucky to have you as our princess.” He dipped his head before striding out of the room, his sentiment gutting me, my lids squeezing together.

Guilt. Doubt. Self-hatred. I felt anything but strong. Especially when the entire nation was telling you one thing, and your heart was telling you another.

Doubt was crippling.

Suffocating.

It twisted everything inside your heart, ripping your confidence in yourself to nothing.

Maybe I’m supposed to marry Theo, I thought as I strolled out of the room. Supposed to become queen, and Lennox is just a memory I will carry with me.

Turning down the main corridor, nurses, doctors, and patients milled the hallway. My eyes caught on a single figure winding through, turning the opposite way. I could feel him—the only thing in focus in a sea of haziness. My feet stopped, my breath sucking sharply into my lungs, desire flaming my insides instantly.

Lennox.

Here. Was he here for me? Did it get out to the press?

Bloody hell, he was sexy.

His hair perfectly messy, dressed in dark worn jeans, boots, t-shirt, and a grey military style winter coat, he strode with confidence that turned all heads. Not that his looks didn’t have nurses drooling after him as it was. Besides the day we rode together, this was the most casual I had ever seen him. Usually, he was in his impeccable suits and a long camel coat when he worked. He did both very well, but I think I preferred his more rugged attire.

My heart thumped wildly in my chest, recalling the feel of his skin on my fingertips, the way he felt and looked thrusting into me. Memories of the other night burning my cheeks, I watched him disappear down the hallway.

Clearly not here for me.

Without thinking, my legs lurched forward, not wanting to lose him. What was he doing here? Instinct had me following, my already twisted gut braiding into another plait, alarm ringing in my chest.

My head deep in my hood, I zig-zagged and pushed through the crowd. The top of his head stayed in my line of vision, his height keeping him above almost all others. He continued to turn and move through doors, forcing me to slow down as people thinned out. He shoved through another set of doors, my attention going to a sign.

ICU. My brow wrinkled. Why is he going to the ICU? The only thing I could think of was he was visiting someone from the bombing.

Pushing the doors, I stepped into the quiet space, moving slowly forward. A nurse’s station sat a few yards from me, beyond that, in a large oval shape, cubicle rooms filled with medical equipment and beds. Most appeared occupied with patients.

A low murmur of voices from the nurses, along with the beeps and hisses of machines, filled my ears. My gaze roamed around, searching for him, coming up empty-handed.

Dammit.

“You looking for me?” A deep voice came from my left, making me jump with a squeak.

“Jesus.” My hand smacked my chest, twisting to the voice.

Lennox leaned against a doorframe, tucked back, his still figure blending in with the dim room, his lids lowered in a glare.

“You scared the crap out of me.” I sucked in. “How did you even know—”

“Spencer.” He cut me off, his tone low and cool. “You really think you could follow me without me knowing? I’ve been trained to detect the tiniest detail in my surroundings, to notice a tail by the slightest movement. I’d be a shite guard if you got the better of me.”

Placing my hands on my hips, I glowered back at him.

He took a step, his body looming over mine, his heat thumping against my skin. “Especially you.”

“What does that mean?” I heard the breathy hitch in my tone.

“Means I know your smell, your aura, the shape of you, the way you move.” He moved in closer, completely encompassing me. “I’m so in tune with you, I would feel you if you were outside and down the street.”

Huffing through my nose, I swallowed. “Really? You were that aware of everyone in your troop?”

“No.” His breath grazed my cheek, his gaze rolling over me. “Just you.”

He brushed by me, strolling past the nurse’s station. I watched them nod and wave to him as if they knew him well. Like he came here all the time.

“She’s with me.” He flicked his chin back to me but didn’t look at them as he traveled past to a room.

As I followed him, a knot coiled in my throat as my eyes took in a blonde woman in the room he entered. My focus went to the clipboard hanging outside the room door, her name smashing a tsunami of dread into my body.

Gracie Easton.

Oh…god…

“She married some arsehole who didn’t truly love her, made her so depressed, she tried to kill herself by overdosing on sleeping pills.” Lennox’s voice rushed back to me with a smack.

He’s married…he’s the arsehole who married her.

“Don’t act like you have a problem fucking a married man.” William’s words played back in my head. “Your bodyguard is married.”

Holy shite. My chest clenched, my body shaking, not wanting to accept the truth.

The pads of my feet went in front of the other, taking me into the room, my mind locked in disbelief.

Lennox stared down at the petite woman, lovingly brushing a strand of dull blonde hair off her face. She was hooked up to machines, pumping her heart and forcing air into her lungs in perfect compulsory rhythm. Pallid skin thinly covered her bones, her delicate frame drowning in the bed, her wrists the size of a child’s. Behind the instruments, you could still see a sweet beauty to her sleeping face, the epitome of the cute girl next door—sweet, shy, and kind.

“My mom and dad pretty much stopped living after my sister, Daisy, died. They shut down. They blamed me. Not that I didn’t deserve it. I blamed myself too, but I became nothing more than a ghost in the house they pretended wasn’t there. The only thing saving me from following my sister was Gracie. She saved me from completely diving into the darkness and destruction. It was a full-time job, especially when my mother died two years after Daisy.” He took a jagged breath. “Just another thing my father put on my shoulders.

“Needing to escape, I joined the military. I threw myself into it, all my anger, focus, guilt. It drove me, and I scaled quickly up the ranks, going into the special forces. Gracie wrote me every week. It didn’t matter if she talked about the farm or the weather. The letters were my lifeline. Even when I didn’t think I wanted to know, she’d always mention my father and how he was doing.” His knuckles brushed over her thin arm, the adoration for her piercing, his expression almost in pain.

“She was the one to let me know when he died.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my emotions tumbling around, soaking in the bile in my stomach.

Lennox lifted one shoulder. “What’s sad is I still don’t know how I feel about it. With all the death you see on the front line, you can become accustomed to shutting off your emotions. Death and loss are everyday occurrences. But that’s what made me so good and rise so fast. I had already learned that lesson. I came in empty.”

I cringed, feeling the pain he probably didn’t let himself feel.

“When I came back for his funeral, Gracie was at my side the whole time.” He swallowed. “She was the only one who was there for me, who believed in me, and loved me unconditionally. She spoke of a life we could have together, the farm, children. Her love for me would bring me back. It would be enough.” He stumbled over the last bit. “I owed her everything.”

“You married her.” I wrapped my arms around my middle, the pressure in my chest wanting to crack my ribs.

His head bowed lower, his eyes shutting briefly before he took a huge gulp of air.

“I did.” He nodded, turning his head to me. “Did I know, deep down, I wasn’t truly in love with her?” Sorrow filled his eyes. “I wish I could say I didn’t know…but I did. The more she spoke of this beautiful life together, the more I longed for it as well, hoping her love could make it all come true, and I could find peace and happiness somewhere. I talked myself into believing I wasn’t capable of fully loving someone anyway, and what I felt for Gracie would be enough, that making her happy would bring me the serenity I longed for.”

Tears pricked at my eyes, and I glanced away from him, hating my emotions were on a rollercoaster. I wanted to hear it, but I was scared it would break me into bits.

“Gracie and I were married on the farm. Her father, Arthur, was already talking about how I would take over my father’s land and merge with his, expanding the dairy business, setting a life for Gracie and me and our family that she already wanted to start.” He ran a hand through his hair, his head shaking slightly. “I quickly realized I made a mistake. The serenity I was searching for never came. I actually got worse, angrier and more unsettled. I didn’t want that life. I didn’t want to be a dairy farmer. I could see my life stretched out before me, with kids and a wife, and instead of exciting me, I felt like I was suffocating to death. I would become a shell, getting up and doing what I needed, but far from living. I started to have nightmares again, of the battlefield, of my sister dying. I became short-tempered, miserable, and angry. I destroyed her. So I left. Went back into combat.”

“What do you mean destroyed?” Alarm strangled my throat.

Lennox glanced over at me. “I would never touch a woman if that’s what you mean. But hurt comes in different forms. Gracie was diagnosed as bipolar in her teens. She was on medication, and most of the time was the sweet girl I grew up adoring.” He licked his lips. “I didn’t know, but right before we got married, she stopped taking her meds. She wanted to get pregnant so badly she didn’t care about the consequences, not wanting anything wrong with the baby.”

“When I left…I guess she was pregnant.” He barely said above a whisper. “But she had a miscarriage two months after I was gone.”

My hand went to my mouth. Bloody hell, what this man had gone through.

“The dark depression claimed her quickly. Her mother called me all the time to come home. The few times I did, all we did was fight. She refused to take her medication again, and her unhappiness turned on me. She told me to leave the last time. To get out.” His voice hitched with grief, his hand scouring at his eyes. “And because I’m a selfish bastard, I did.” He inhaled, peering up at the ceiling. “She took a bunch of pills. Her mother found her the next day, lying in her own vomit on the bathroom floor.”

“I ran home, finding my wife in a coma, the doctors saying she was pretty much brain dead.”

“Holy shite.” I blinked rapidly.

“For weeks, I lived at her bedside, her family determined she would suddenly wake up, and they will have their little girl back again. Gracie was their only child, a miracle baby.” He used his arm to wipe at his eyes. “How do you tell someone so convinced a miracle will happen that it’s pointless? She’s brain dead. She will never come back, but they refuse to give up, even though every medical person has told them there is no hope. I sold my farm to keep her here with private care.”

“How long has she been here?”

“Over two years.”

“Two years!?” My mouth parted with shock. I couldn’t even imagine the cost of private care. Our country had excellent health care, but I think there were limits on cases like this. As ruthless as it was, she was taking a bed and care from someone else who might need it.

“I knew Gracie. She would not want this. I know she wants them to let her go.” He brushed his fingers over her face again. “I talk to her a lot. Sometimes I swear she is still helping me. I could hear her telling me to live again—not to waste my life. To live for my sister, my parents…and her. It was here when I decided to go into the Royal Air Force, where I met Theo.”

I stared down at the tile floor, Theo’s name reminding me of my own betrayal.

“Remember when he came to see you when I first met you?” Lennox faced me. “His arm was hurt?”

“Yeah?”

“There was an accident. I saved Theo’s life.”

“What?” My eyes burst into wide circles.

“A training op went wrong, and his ejection chair got caught.” He waggled his head with the memory. “Let’s just say it was a close call, but I got him loose in time. From there on out, Theo had my back for anything. He’s been helping me pay to keep Gracie here, got me a job, been a good mate. We’ve been through a lot together. I owe him far more than he ever owed me.”

My teeth dug into my lip, sensing where he was going. No matter how much I knew it couldn’t work, I still didn’t want to hear it. It would make it real. A truth I couldn’t push away.

“But I’m still the selfish arsehole I always was.”

My head jerked up to him, his gaze roaming over me.

“I tried to fight you. Deny it with everything I had. Damn. I actually convinced myself I really did hate you.”

“Why?”

“I will be blunt. I’ve fucked a lot of women, been in several relationships, even married. But you opened a door…shit…I can’t explain it. I never had this kind of reaction to someone before. It was visceral. Raw. Watching Theo kiss you? I had to fight the reflex to shove him off, to claim you myself.”

Every nerve through my body tingled, heating my skin.

“I felt alive. Like for the first time, I was present. I hated you for it. Like you were sent to be my punishment for all the horrid things I’d done. I kept telling myself the more I was around you, the more I’d realize you were nothing special.”

I breathed in at his words.

“But the opposite happened. The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to be around. You were my penance. I hate myself, but I can’t seem to stop when it comes to you.”

“Me either,” I said softly.

His lids shut tightly, his chest puffing with a breath. “You shouldn’t say that to me.” His eyes opened, blazing with fire. “Not as the Prince’s fiancée.”

“I’m not.”

“What?” His gaze darted to the enormous ring on my hand.

“I told Theo this morning that I can’t marry him.” I flipped the band, twisting the diamond into my palm. “He asked me to hold off for a bit before we tell anyone.”

“Of course he did.”

“I mean, they just reported we are engaged in the papers this morning. It would be too soon to break it off.”

“So, you planning to tell them on your honeymoon?” His lids narrowed, his words lashing out.

“Excuse me?”

“There will be no right time. Theo will push it until you are walking down the aisle.”

“You have no right to judge him or me.” My defenses sprang up my spine. “At least I was honest! What about you? You are married!”

“Honest?” He spurted a dry laugh. “Did you tell him you fucked my brains out in the bathroom right before he asked you to be his wife?”

“Fuck you,” I spat.

“You did that. And you were begging for more.”

True.

“What was I supposed to do in front of everyone?” My hands flung out. “At the King’s birthday gala, no less. Tell the Prince ‘no’ in front of the media? Friends, family, the King and Queen of France?”

“You never actually said yes, did you?”

I jerked back in shock. He noticed—the only one who did.

“But you certainly didn’t fight it, either.”

“At least I’m not going to marry someone I don’t love because I’m too scared to face myself.”

Lennox drew in, rage crackling down him like a fuse.

“How could you do this? I feel like such a fool.”

“Spence—” He reached for me.

“No!” I shoved at him, blistering with rage. “You lied to me.”

“I never lied. I told you it was complicated. That I could never be more.”

I sucked in; the sting hit like a trolley.

“You didn’t lie?” I exclaimed, hitting him again. “Not telling me you are married is just as bad!” Hurt bled through my tone. “And I thought…you and I…I thought…”

“You thought what?”

“I’m sorry.” A nurse’s voice swung me around to the door, halting words in my throat. “You two will have to lower your voices or take it outside.” Her gaze went from Lennox to me, her eyes widening. “Oh! My-my lady. I’m so sorry.” Her cheeks blushed with the knowledge she had heard every word and now was aware of who I was.

Bloody hell.

“Of course. I sincerely apologize.” My voice clotted with upper-crust etiquette, my training responding to the public becoming a knee-jerk reaction as I tucked in my emotions. My pain. “We’ll—”

“We’ll take this outside.” Lennox clasped my arm, not uttering a word as he tugged me out of the room. Eyes burned into us from the nurse’s station, hushed whispers clamoring at the tiniest gossip we gave them.

“Let me go.” I hissed as we broke through the doors, exiting the ICU into a bright, mostly empty corridor.

“No.” His head swiveled around like he was searching for something.

“No?” I gaped.

“Since I no longer work for you and you aren’t going to be a monarch who can cut off my head, I no longer take orders from you.” He tugged me toward a door, yanking it open.

“Like you ever did,” I snarled back as he shoved me into the dark storage closet, my eyes taking in the shelves of supplies right before he slammed the door, the gaps in the door allowing a hint of light into the space. “What the hell are you doing? Think we’ve had our fill of being stuck in cupboards together. Let me out of here.”

“Not before you tell me what you were going to say.”

“What does it matter? You’re married!” I snarled, pushing back into him. I hated the way his closeness and heat were driving lust through me, shattering my willpower. “Why don’t you go back to her. Leave me alone!”

“I can’t.” He restrained me against a shelf. I turned my head, but he caught my chin, yanking it back to him. “My life is complicated. I understand if you want to walk away. Hate me. But the truth is, my wife is dead. She died two years ago. There is no one left inside her, and I thought I was no better…until I met you.”

My breath hitched, and my head tipped back to look at him.

“I can’t walk away from you.” He let go of my jaw. “But if you want to, I get it.” He motioned to the door. “Go. I won’t stop you.”

Not even a muscle twitched, my gaze locked on him.

“I’m warning you,” he rumbled. “Go now.”

I knew I probably should. Both our complicated situations made us such a disastrous tragedy, but I couldn’t—no matter if it was right or wrong or what outcome may be in store for us.

“Spencer.”

“I can’t,” I whispered, our gazes locking. Heavy. Wanting.

A deep growl came from his chest. His hand clutched the back of my neck, his physique smashing into mine, pinning me up against the wall.

“What are you doing?”

“What I wanted to the very first day I met you.”

Chapter 11

His fingers curled into my skin, drawing my mouth to his with a crushing force. Our lips met, igniting my anger and lust into a ball of frantic energy. There was nothing sweet or slow, our mutual need combusting and splintering over the room. His mouth was desperate as it claimed mine. His hands moved down, gripping my hips, his erection pushing into my core, throbbing against me. A small groan broke from my lips.

“I woke up craving you.” His full lips were demanding between words. “All I’ve thought about is being inside you again.”

“Same.” My nails raked through his hair, pulling him closer to me, desire traveling down my spine and between my legs. “My assistant almost caught me.”

“Caught you what?”

“Touching myself, wishing it was you.”

His reaction was immediate and feral, his hands sliding up my shirt, pushing up my bra, squeezing my breasts. Our kisses went from needy to frantic. I tugged at his bottom lip, driving a growl from his throat.

“Spencer.” His voice was gravelly and full of intention—a question, demand, and warning.

Shoving his jacket over his shoulders, my hands tugged at the buttons of his jeans, yanking them over his hips, answering every implication he asked without saying anything.

His muscles along his stomach flexed as my fingers glided against his skin, running down his V-line, the tip of him already glistening and pushing out of his boxer briefs. He watched me, his breath stumbling as I palmed him, moving up and down his length.

“Fuck.” He sucked in, his eyes glinting in the dim light. He fumbled with my jeans as I continued to work him.

I wanted to taste him, to watch him crumble around me, but I knew we had limited time. The thrill that someone could open the door at any time heightened the need to urgent levels. He got my jeans down enough before he clutched my sides again, lifting me, my back slamming into a shelf, toppling small boxes, plastic bottles, and medical packages to the ground.

He gripped himself, angling himself and thrusting into me.

“Oh, god.” I moaned. My entire body arched, my lungs catching at the feel of him filling me to the point I couldn’t breathe.

“Shite.” His gripped my hips harder, pushing in deeper.

Buzzing heat and desire took over me. Whatever it was about him, he turned me into a complete feral animal. I had no thoughts of anything but needing more. Pleasure so severe flickered through me as he plunged deeper into me, our rhythm picking up pace.

Noises I had never made in my life cried from my lips, my legs and nails dug into him, matching his pace and intensity.

“Jesus, Spencer.” He thrust deeper, harder, until my eyes leaked, my climax building up.

The sounds of our need filled the closet, our uncontainable moans bouncing off the walls. Items tumbled to the ground with thuds as the shelf squeaked against our rigorous movement. If anyone walked by, they would hear us. But I couldn’t seem to care, nor could I seem to get close to have enough of him.

Friction built, creating an even more desperate need for each other. He tilted me back and drove in harder. A cry escaped my lips as I clenched down around him; a cascade of pleasure rocked through me, parting my mouth and locking my muscles as bliss dotted my vision.

A deep growl vibrated his chest, going even deeper and harder, his hips bruising my mine as he released inside me, quaking my body again, sending another small orgasm through my limbs.

It took serval moments to catch my breath, to come down. Our ragged chests, grappling for oxygen, knocked against each other. We clung desperately to each other like we would float away in pieces if we didn’t hold on.

“Fucking hell, Spencer.” His lips grazed my collar bone, drifting up to my ear in a low rumble. “That was...” He broke off, leaving it up in the air. I understood. I had no words for what was between us. All I knew was the intensity was rising, not being sedated.

“This is going to be a big problem.” He nipped at my neck before easing me down his body. Like last time, the moment he left, I wanted him back.

“Yes, it is.” I took in a shaky breath, wagging my head as I tried to steady myself back on my trembling legs. “Did you kind of hope this time it would have just been okay?” I pulled back up my jeans, straightening out my clothes.

He tugged up his own jeans, his head lifting, his eyes locking onto mine. In the minimal light, they glinted, making him look like a wild animal. Hungry.

“It would make things a lot easier.” His intensity never left me.

“Yeah.” I exhaled, leaning back against the wall. My muscles still felt like taffy. “It would.”

He moved back to me, his form enveloping mine, his heat snaking over my skin.

“I realized sex before was good. Great, even.” He placed his palms on either side of my head, his mouth only a breath away from mine. “But with you?” His lips grazed mine, my body instantly reacting, needing its drug of choice. “Like I said, this is going to be a problem.” His mouth moved over mine sensually, teasing.

His hand slid down my left arm, his finger hooking through mine, drawing it up and flattening it against the wall, twisting the object decorating my ring finger.

“You may wear another man’s ring.” His other hand ran down my body, dipping into my pants. “But this is mine.”

I heaved in a breath, my body tingling at his words. Normally, I hated possessiveness and any man claiming ownership of a woman like we were property.

With him, it turned me on because I felt the same about him.

“Really?” I tipped my head, trying to act like he wasn’t spearing fire through my veins by his touch. How quickly he could draw desire from me again.

“Yes.”

“You may be married to another woman.” I reached out with my free hand, rubbing it down the buttons of his jeans, feeling him twitch underneath. “But this is mine.”

A smirk lifted the side of his face as he pressed into me. “Yes, it is.” His mouth took mine, breathing me in as he kissed me so deeply, I felt it in every corner of my body.

Our kiss quickly shifted, growing greedy.

“Shite.” He pulled back, taking a deep breath. “Bloody hell. I can’t seem to get enough of you.”

“Tell me about it.” I puffed, shaking out my arms, moving away from him. “I need to go. I’m sure people have noticed I’m gone from the palace by now.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, his hands on his hips, taking a moment to regroup. “Forgot to ask. Why are you her—”

A click of the doorknob stopped Lennox’s question, and a blinding light flooded the room, flinching me back.

“What the hell?” A woman dressed in scrubs was outlined in the door. Oh shite. “What are you two doing in here?” she asked, but her expression suggested she knew perfectly well what we were doing. “You shouldn’t be in here!”

Lennox grabbed my hand, his mouth wobbling with a grin. “Sorry, ma’am.”

“Get out, or I will call security!”

Instinctually, I ducked my head and pulled up my hood, my hair curtaining my face as I slid by her, letting him lead us out of the closet.

“Sorry,” I muttered through a chuckle, feeling like some reckless teenager. Granted, I was. Sometimes with my new “life,” I forgot I was only nineteen. The age you’re supposed to be doing all the stupid and wild things.

“I swear if I see you two in this hospital again, I will call the police!” Her empty threat followed us down the corridor, rushing us faster. His hand wrapped tightly in mine as we jogged out of the ICU wing.

We traveled out to the main area, sniggering at being caught. Lennox suddenly stopped, his head jerking around. I had been around him enough to recognize when he sensed something was off.

“Shite,” he muttered.

I didn’t get a chance to ask him what was wrong before my name coasted over the glossy tile.

“Spencer?”

My head jerked away from Lennox, my stomach plummeting through the floor, a familiar figure stepping between his bodyguards.

Dalton and a few others I knew by face clustered around the Prince. He wore a ball cap, his hooded jacket pulled over it, but still, it did not hide the famous face underneath.

Oh no. No, no, no, no.

“Theo? Wha-what are you doing here?” I grappled as I watched his focus drop down from me to my hand—the one holding Lennox’s. I let go, stepping away from my ex-bodyguard, but I knew it was too late.

He saw enough.

“What am I doing here?” His voice was icy. “I get a call on my private line from a doctor that my fiancée, who supposedly had a migraine and was tucked away in her bed, is at the hospital getting checked out after her encounter with Lord William.”

“What?” Lennox’s head snapped to me. “What does he mean, encounter with Lord William?”

Bollocks. We had yet to get to that.

“I was ordered not to come,” Theo continued. “But I risked everything, even the papzz finding out, to get down here to you.” Theo pointed at me like his decision was my fault.

“Spencer?” Lennox’s focus still burned into the side of my face, ignoring Theo’s rant. “What happened with Lord William?”

“Why is it your concern? If I remember correctly, you quit. You are no longer her guard.” Theo stepped right into him. “What the fuck are you doing, mate?” Theo stressed the last word with animosity. “Here I thought you were one of the good guys—a friend. I felt bad for you. Helped you after hearing your sad, pathetic tale. Was it all an act? While you move in on my girlfriend?”

Lennox’s nostrils flared, his jaw twitched, but he swallowed back his response.

“It wasn’t like that.” I shook my head.

“So…is he the reason?” Theo spun to me, fury billowing off him. “Is he why you suddenly want to call off our wedding? Our future together? Are you fucking him?”

I couldn’t answer; I wouldn’t lie.

His eyes tracked me, waiting for my denial, my refute of his query. My silence punched him in the stomach, faltering him back in shock.

“Bugger all, you are.” He shook off the blow, rage coloring his cheeks. “You slapper…shagging both of us?” Air hissed between my teeth. Hearing Theo speak so roughly was like sandpaper against my ear. With anyone else, I wouldn’t even notice, but Theo had grown very snobbish in his vernacular. Crude did not fit him.

“Don’t you dare,” I glowered at him. We hadn’t been together in over a month.

“Don’t what? Tell the truth?” Theo reached for my wrist.

“Whoa. Ease back.” Lennox shifted slightly in front of me, bumping Theo’s grip from my arm. “You’re angry? I get it. But take it out on me.” I don’t think Lennox even noticed, but his hand skimmed over the spot Theo had been touching.

Theo’s eyes tracked the movement, catching the subtle contact between us.

It was a moment—a blink.

Theo’s temper imploded.

His fist reared back, his punch crunching across the bones of Lennox’s cheek and nose, the sound echoing off the walls. I yelped as Dalton leapt forward, yanking Theo back. Lennox barely stumbled at the onslaught, his hand going for his face, a thin trail of blood hinting below his nose. Lennox’s gaze blazed with rage, but he stayed put.

“Highness, calm down.” Dalton dragged a thrashing Theo back. “This is not the place. Anyone could be recording you. Remember who you are…if this got out. You are the Prince of Great Victoria.”

Theo took a heaving breath, nodding his head. He wrenched himself away from Dalton. “I’m fine,” he barked at his guards, glowering at us.

Thick silence stretched between the two sides for a minute before Theo spoke.

“You are a wanker,” Theo snarled at Lennox. “I trusted you with her. To protect her life, not shag her behind my back.”

Lennox didn’t respond, using his sleeve to catch the trickle of blood leaking from his nose.

“Did you know he’s married, Spencer?” Theo sneered, his gaze darting between us, his rising pitch causing people to look at us. “You shagged a lying, cheating arsehole.” His attention went to me, expecting a reaction. His eyes widened, his mouth parting before disgust twisted up his features. “You knew.” He shook his head in disgust. “Then I guess that makes you no better than him. A lying, deceitful, cheating—”

“Enough.” Lennox rumbled, taking a threating step to Theo, but I held up my hand, forcing him back.

“I’m so sorry, Theo. You don’t know how much.” I went to the Prince, biting back the tears wanting to escape. I did not deserve to shed tears in front of him. This was on me. I had to own it. “You may not believe that I never meant for this to happen or hurt you. And as much as you think differently, it wasn’t Lennox who made me no longer want to be with you. I tried to be honest with you.”

“Honest,” Theo scoffed. “You don’t know the meaning of it. Here I thought my fiancée was faithful and loved me. Why else would she say yes to marrying me, right?”

“I told you how I felt several times,” I snapped, my hands rolling into a ball. “You were the one who kept pushing, ignoring what I wanted like it wasn’t important, like I didn’t matter in your plan. Even after I told you it was over, you forced my hand. In front of everyone! Not caring at all except for yourself. You didn’t even notice I never said yes to you.”

“Forced you?” He moved closer to me, our shoes knocking together. “Oh…I’m so sorry you had to suffer. Marrying a prince, becoming a princess, that must be awful.”

“Fuck you,” I said so low, only he could hear. “You knew the title meant nothing to me. Don’t paint me as some crown chaser. I never wanted that life, and you know it. It was you I fell in love with. Don’t take everything we had and twist it. I did love you. So much, I thought I could forgo everything else.”

Grief cracked through his wrath, pain crunching his eyebrows, pushing down his shoulders. His fingers reached out, grazing my face. “Then what happened?”

“It wasn’t enough.” I stared up at him. “Loving you was too much of a sacrifice to who I am. I lost myself. I no longer liked who I was living in your world.” I twisted my hands together. “You know when I asked you not to forget me, and we were a team?” I lifted a shoulder. “You forgot me.”

“So this is all my fault?” The moment of vulnerability was gone as fast as it came, his hand pulling away like I was a disease, his spine straightening, leaning him back away from me. A wall of loathing stood before me instead.

“No.” I shook my head. “Theo…”

“Don’t think about coming back to the palace tonight. I will tell them you are with your friend for the night.”

“Theo.”

“Don’t,” he spat. “I can’t even look at your face right now.” He stepped back into Dalton, his guards moving around him, encasing him in a ring of protection. His body turned for the exit, but his gaze stayed on us. “You two deserve each other.”

He dipped his head and let his security shuffle him down the hall and out of the hospital.

A gasped sob hitched up my throat. I still cared for and loved him, and hurting him shredded at my heart. Just because I didn’t want to marry him didn’t mean I wanted it to end like this. I didn’t know how to fix this, if it could even be fixed.

My hand went to my mouth, trying to keep the grief inside like I had been taught all my life. Don’t show emotion. Stay aloof and cold on the outside, while you fell apart on the inside.

“We have to go,” Lennox mumbled. “People are watching us.”

I nodded, noticing the audience we had created in the hallway. Pulling my hood farther over my head, I tried to keep my identity concealed.

Lennox’s hand touched my lower back, and we walked out together.

Chapter 12

Staring out the passenger window, rain trickled down the glass, headlights igniting the trails like lightning in the dark car. The ride was mostly silent, Lennox’s old Range Rover gliding across town. I didn’t even ask where we were going.

I didn’t really care.

He didn’t try to talk to me, knowing I needed this time in the car, and he probably did too. Being caught did nothing to change how I felt about him, but our situation had now been tangled into a snarled knot.

All because I couldn’t stay away from him.

I had fallen for my bodyguard.

I’m a bloody cliché. A grunt hummed from me as I scoured at my face. I hated Lord William had called it—saw it coming even before I had.

I still needed to talk to him. The pictures I had taken from his office burned in my jacket pocket, but life kept throwing me curveballs. It was hard to believe the attack in his office had just been earlier today.

Lennox rolled the car down into an underground parking lot near the river. A modern apartment building stretched up into the sky. It wasn’t a wealthy neighborhood but an area that was “up and coming” with the young professionals. Hip cafes and bars were popping up, mixing in with dive places and lower-income housing.

He shut off the SUV, getting out. Wordlessly, I followed him to an elevator and up to the seventh floor, leading me into a newer, modern, compact studio flat. A small galley kitchen was on one wall with a breakfast bar and two stools. The opposite wall was the loo and walk-in closet. Gym stuff was in one corner, along with a hanging punching bag, a bench with weights, and bands and jump ropes. A large bed, leather side chair, coffee table, and TV floated in the middle, acting as both living room and bedroom. The selling feature was the floor to ceiling windows with a small balcony overlooking the glistening river below.

Small. Compact. Clean. Tidy.

And almost devoid of any personal items. A pair of dress shoes were by the coffee table, his suit jacket tossed on the chair, and a rumbled band t-shirt discarded on his gray comforter. There were a few shelves with books, a few pictures of him and some buddies in military gear. Nothing of him and Gracie or anything that gave me real insight to him. I moved gradually around the space, taking in everything, touching the few books he had on his shelf.

“It’s just a place I lay my head.” His voice rumbled through the quiet like a distant thunderstorm. They were the first words he had spoken, swiveling me around.

He stood in the middle, shifting on his feet, not looking at me. It was the first time I ever had seen him look hesitant and uncertain.

“I didn’t really have the time to do anything to it.”

“It’s nice.” My throat was tight, like I hadn’t spoken in years. I took off my coat, laying it delicately on the bed, strain making me awkward and nervous. Being in his space changed something—drew an intimacy that shifted the dynamics. We had roles when we were at the palace, a safety net that kept us strangely secure.

Being in the place where he slept, lived, and probably brought other women ripped all the netting away. It made what we were doing very real.

What if he realized he didn’t want me? That he liked the idea of me, the challenge, but not the real thing?

“You want some tea, sorry, coffee?” He took off his jacket, tossing it on the chair with his other, already strolling to the kettle on the stove. “I know you hate tea.”

“Is this going to be a point of contention?” I asked playfully, ambling over to him, trying to ease the tension clouding the room. “Is that your line?”

He crooked his head, peering down at me, our mouths suddenly closer than I expected. “My line?” His eyes roved over my face, his voice deep and husky.

“I’m not a true Victorian, then. Tea is taken very seriously here. Might be a breaking point for you.” I forced myself to hold his gaze, the air crackling between us, my playfulness tripping over itself, making it even more awkward. “Could you be with someone who doesn’t drink tea?”

The kettle fell back onto the burner, and he whirled around, sliding his hands into my hair. He yanked me roughly to him, his mouth taking mine in a ravenous kiss. A tiny gasp of surprise lashed at my lungs as he devoured me. It was only a second before I responded with my own need.

“You are adorable when you’re awkward,” he muttered against my lips, annihilating all the nerves and strain into a melted puddle. Our mouths were brutal and demanding, both of us gasping for air when we could, not able to get enough.

This was awful to admit, but with Theo, I sometimes got bored, and I would start thinking of other things when he kissed me. With Lennox, there was nothing else, and I never wanted to stop. Standing on my toes, my teeth nipped and tugged at his bottom lip, the craving for him steamrolling over everything else. He grunted, crashing his mouth back into mine, our hands tugging at the barriers covering us. We staggered a few more steps closer to the bed.

“Stop,” he said half-heartedly. I didn’t. “Spen-cer.” His hands moved down to my arms, holding me in place while he took a step back, breathing deeply. “I think we need to talk first.”

Ugh. Damn reality. “Yeah.” I nodded, blowing a breath out of my mouth, my shoulders sagging in defeat. I didn’t want to. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, have him deep inside me. I needed him to make me forget everything.

“Theo…”

His name was an instant cold shower, pumping ice into my veins and pain into my chest. I turned away, running a hand through my hair, my defenses rising.

“How about we talk about your wife first?” I swung back around, anger replacing the fire in my belly. “How could you not tell me you were married?”

He pinched his nose. “I tried…”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. You could have told me at any time,” I yelled. “You kept it from me. You fucked me; you could have told me about Gracie. You should have.”

“I know.” He bowed his head, pacing in an abstract circle. “I keep my personal life very private.”

“Don’t you dare.” I stomped up to him. “You don’t think I deserved to know? I wasn’t personal enough to you?”

“Up until the other night? No,” he volleyed. “I tried to keep my job separate from all my shite. But you kept bleeding in. I tried to keep you at a distance. And honestly…” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I loved you being separate.”

“What?” I popped like a shotgun. “You liked me being naïve and clueless about you being married?”

“I’m not saying it’s right.” He started to move around again. He breathed out, facing me. “Gracie has been a source of bottomless guilt and darkness. Regret. Resentment. Obligation. And then I would feel worse for feeling those things. The guilt is compounded when her parents are around. They still act like she will wake up at any time, and our life with kids and the farm is still happening.” He put his hands on his hips, staring at the floor. “I’ve tried talking to them, but they don’t hear me. They hold on to me so tight, to the idea of Gracie and me, because if they don’t…they will have to face the fact she is never coming back.” He paused for a few moments. “Being around you was the exact opposite.”

His gaze lifted to mine.

“I felt alive. A different man. Fuck, you drove me mad some days, could piss me off like no other. And let me say, I’ve trained some dumb wankers in the military in my time. Gracie never even got close to what you stirred in me. I realized I loved it, craved the feeling of being near you. You made me laugh, smile. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had really laughed. So yeah, maybe it was selfish, but I wanted to keep you separate—keep those two worlds unconnected. I convinced myself you were just a job anyway. I worked for the King; you were my charge to protect. The girlfriend to the Prince, my mate. I needed to keep you at arm’s length.” He scoffed dryly. “The more I found myself near you even when I didn’t need to be, the more I denied the truth. But after the bombing, how close we came to death, I couldn’t pretend anymore.”

“I couldn’t either. The bombing was my awakening as well. But you still should’ve told me.”

“Yeah.” He strolled to the window, shoving his hands in his pockets, staring out into the night, streetlamps and restaurants glowing from beyond. “In fairness, you were with Theo. I tried to be respectful. Until you came to me that night. To my bed. It was game over for me.”

“Me too,” I whispered, dropping my head. Admitting it didn’t seem to relieve me at all. Our situation felt so hopeless. Whatever we did would cause so much pain and damage.

“I filed for divorce a few months ago.”

My head wrenched up, gaping at his reflection in the window. “What?”

“The doctor signed it, stating Gracie would never recover, that she is brain dead. The machines are the only thing keeping her alive.” Lennox’s voice stayed even, but I could see the pain crawling over him. “All I need to do is file it with the court.”

“But?” I moved my way up to him.

“Every time I go to do it, I see the devastation in her parent’s faces.” He flipped around, leaning his back against the glass, gazing up. “It will destroy them. I’m their last tether to her. And if I cut that tie?”

Jesus…the weight Lennox carried. From his sister’s death to Gracie. How he even functioned, I didn’t know. He didn’t even see how strong he was.

“It shouldn’t be on you to keep their illusory world afloat. It’s not fair to you. You have this one life too. Don’t you think Gracie would want you to live it? Be happy?” I stepped into him, my hand reaching out for his t-shirt, needing to touch him. Be near him. “It’s not fair to them, either. They need to move on as well. And I think deep down, you all know it but are too scared to finally let go.”

He watched me play with his shirt, fisting my fingers into the cotton.

“You changed everything,” he said, so quietly I barely heard him. I glanced up, our eyes locking. He pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me. Falling against his warm chest, I held onto him. It was nothing sexual or even friendly. It went way past that.

It was home.

I knew I would fight for this, no matter what we had to go through.

We exhaled together, his lips brushing my hairline.

“Now tell me what the hell happened with Lord William?” He leaned back to peer down at me.

Ugh. Right. Lord arsewipe.

“Can we just get drunk and have wild sex instead?” I dug my head into his chest, feeling laughter reverberate in his chest.

“After. Definitely.” He kissed my head again, pushing off the window, leaving my embrace. “Now sit your arse down and start talking while I make you some coffee.”

“Make it spiked, and I’m on board.”

“Already planned on it.” He winked, setting a fever of butterflies through me, the smile on my face making my cheeks ache.

Removing my boots, I crawled on his bed, inhaling his rich, manly smell, triggering instant desire and comfort in me.

Recognizing Lennox wasn’t the only one who had kept huge family secrets, I went back to when I found my uncle with Eloise, and the revelations of my family’s financial problems landing on my shoulders. Lennox sat in his chair, listening to every word, rage lighting his eyes when I got to the blackmail and attack just this morning.

He pushed out of the chair, moving to the punching bag, gripping it until his knuckles blanched. “He. Touched. You.”

“Tried.” I attempted to smooth out the incident.

Lennox shot me a look. “He only stopped because he had a stroke, right?”

I bit down on my lip.

A strangled noise came from him, his fist cracking into the bag.

“I’m going to kill him,” he seethed, hitting the bag again before circling to look at me. “He’ll wish the stroke took him this time. Bloody wanker…”

I couldn’t ease Lennox’s anger because I felt it too. William would have assaulted me if the stroke hadn’t happened and stopped him. He didn’t deserve sympathy because he was in a hospital bed tonight.

“Kill him after I talk to him.”

“What?” Lennox blinked at me, indignation radiating off him as he paced in circles. “There’s no way you are going to see him again! We will find the money for the loan somewhere else. I will figure something out.”

“You can’t even afford to pay for Gracie’s care.” I got off the bed, getting in his path, my hand laying on his, trying to calm him. “This is my family’s problem, you have enough to deal with.”

“I will not let you near a fucking rapist.” His nose flared.

“Hey.” I threaded my hands with his. “He can’t do anything to me anymore. I will be fine.”

“Your father and uncle should be dealing with this, not you. Why do you need to go?” His fingers unconsciously squeezed mine.

“It isn’t the loan I want to talk to him about.”

Lennox’s brows furrowed.

Dropping his hands, I went over to my coat, pulling out the pictures.

“I found these in the mess scattered over the floor from his desk.” I took a deep breath, handing the stack of old snapshots to him. Puzzlement flickered on his features, his gaze dropping down to the photos. He slowly flipped through each one, analyzing the faces. His eyes darted to mine.

“The woman he’s with…” I tapped at her face, swallowing back the truth. “That’s my aunt Lauren, about twenty years ago.”

I could see it click, what I still wanted to deny.

“Please tell me I’m wrong,” I croaked, begging. “That I’m seeing something that’s not there…please.”

“I can’t,” he muttered. He had been around Landen enough to recognize what I did.

“Fuck.” A garbled cry broke out of my chest, feeling the pain this will cause my family—will cause Landen. He may not like his father, but finding out his father is actually Lord William was even worse. The truth would break him.

Landen was everything to me. Knowing I held information that might destroy him finally cracked me. Sobs bubbled up my throat, the dam shattering, my tears flowing.

“I don’t know what to do. With Landen. Theo. My family.” Everything felt too much, too heavy.

Lennox pulled me in, wrapping me in his arms, keeping me tethered. Anchored.

Saving me from drowning under it all.

Chapter 13

Lennox held me until there was nothing left, letting me release everything I had been keeping in. I hadn’t even let myself face the bombing. Because I physically was all right, I felt everyone, including myself, thought I should be fine. Over it. But I was still processing the stress my body experienced, the relief, fear, and guilt of living. There were sinister what-ifs constantly plaguing the back of my mind.

And Lord William would have hurt me earlier. It was only a twist of fate that stopped it. Again, because it didn’t actually happen, my brain kept telling me I should be over it. Stop being so dramatic. It all kept piling on until I caved underneath.

“Sorry,” I muttered into his damp t-shirt, pulling away, wiping at my eyes.

“Don’t ever apologize. Not to me. And certainly not for that.” His hand cupped my face gently. “I don’t think you realize how strong and unbelievable you are.”

“Yeah.” I snorted, motioning to his tear-stained shirt. “Clearly.”

“Spence.” He turned my blotchy face up to his, his jaw setting with seriousness. “Do you get that most people couldn’t even take half the shite you’ve had to face already? Just three days ago, you were in a terrorist bombing. Almost died. Your entire family’s future was put on your shoulders. You’ve been blackmailed, assaulted, and you’re a constant pincushion for the world to shred apart and criticize because tearing you down makes them feel better about their little lives.”

“They can have it.” I scrubbed at my face with my sleeve, breaking away from him. How quickly after we let down our guard did we pull it back up to shield ourselves again. “All those who think being a princess is so glamourous and such a fantasy are welcome to it.”

His heavy gaze stayed on me, but I couldn’t look back, feeling raw, like I had been skinned alive.

“Come here,” he demanded. I shifted my eyes to him. He curled his fingers, beckoning me to him. Exhausted and depleted, I didn’t fight and shuffled back to him.

He grabbed the hem of my sweater, pulling it over my head. He moved with intention, but gently, his gaze trained on me. Leaning over, he swiped the worn t-shirt off his bed, pushing it over my head. I put my arms through, letting him dress me. His knuckles skated down my ribs as he drew the fabric down, the soft cotton and his masculine smell wrapping around me like a protective bubble. Soft. Safe. His focus didn’t shift from my eyes as he unzipped my jeans, dragging them down my legs. His fingers wrapped around my calf, helping me step out of them.

Not a sound was uttered when he tugged the covers down, and I crawled into his huge bed, the mattress instantly engulfing me in a hug. The swish of material turned me on my side to face him, watching him undress. I couldn’t help the slight intake of breath when he flung his shirt to the ground, the image of his ripped torso branding itself in my mind. He stripped down to his boxer briefs, heat flaming through me.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he growled, turning off the lights, crawling in next to me.

“Why?” I inched closer, my hand skimming his chest. He was so close, his breath and heat tantalizing me. The city lights decorated for the holidays glowed through the windows, lighting up his hazel eyes.

“Because.” He clutched my hip, rolling me to my other side, facing away from him, his arm wrapping around my middle tightly, tucking into the back of me. “You need to sleep, and if you keep your eyes on me like that, you won’t be getting any.”

I sucked in, my thighs clenching at his claim. I did need to sleep. I had barely slept in the last week, but being near him kept the monster he woke needy and wanting.

He snuggled into me, his palm curling under the shirt, spreading over my bare stomach. “Close your eyes.”

“Right.” I let out a clipped laugh. Did he not understand that just being in the same room had me achy and yearning? I was pressed against him with his hand touching me, and he expected me to sleep?

“Relax,” he muttered in my ear.

Exhaling, I tried to ease the tension in my body. The warmth and security of him around me quickly loosened my muscles like a warm bath, though my mind still flicked around, avoiding the big issues, landing on things I shouldn’t be fussing about.

Except I was.

“What?” He sighed.

“What, what?”

“Remember, I’m a trained op.” He nuzzled my ear. “I can hear the thoughts buzzing in your head.”

“No, you can’t.”

“Spence, from day one, I have been keenly aware of every minuscule movement, expression, and noise of yours.”

“Really?” I twisted around to him. “Noise of mine?”

The side of his mouth curved up. “To the tiniest of sighs, gasps, and… moans.”

Air hauled through my nose, my cheeks flushing.

“Now say what you want to ask me.” He smirked like he already knew.

“Bloody hell, I’ll bet you’re fun to surprise on your birthday,” I grumbled, turning away from him.

“Not really one for surprises.”

“No kidding,” I snorted.

“For you, I’ll pretend to be surprised.” He pressed into me, wrapping firmer around me. “Now ask me.”

“Fine.” I hated I was going to utter these words out loud. I was such a girl. “You said you had a lot of sex.” I cringed as I said it. “How many have you brought here before now?”

His teeth nipped at my ear. “None.”

“What?” I gazed back at him.

He leaned up on his elbow, peering down at me smugly. “I’ve been married for almost four years.”

“So you never…?”

“I didn’t cheat on my wife the two years we were together if that’s what you are insinuating. But for these last two? Yeah, there have been a few. Do we really need to talk about it?”

I stared at him until he sighed.

“Three.” He rubbed at his scruff. “The first was right after I returned to duty after being by her side for weeks. The doctor confirmed there was no hope. Everything hit me—all the misery, regret, guilt, and death. I felt like I was drowning. Ironic after my sister, but that’s exactly how I felt. It was one of my darkest times. I saw no light, no hope, only endless pain and agony. I contemplated ending it that night.”

My chest ballooned, acute terror at the idea of him not in this world, that I would never have known him, cut through my vocals.

“The day I returned to the field was a really tough day. An innocent little boy died in my arms after a market was attacked. It snapped something in me. My mates sensed it, and a few dragged me to a local bar where we were stationed. I drank until I didn’t feel. She was there and made me feel good, like I was some other guy for a night—one who didn’t hold endless grief, pain, and guilt. I wanted to feel again. Anything but agony, you know?”

“I totally get that,” I uttered, touching his face. “I would have done the same.”

He lifted an eyebrow.

“You said I was strong, but Jesus, Lennox. What you’ve gone through? The horrors not just in your personal life, but in combat? I can’t imagine.”

“I barely remember being with her, and in honesty, it really wasn’t about her. But instead of feeling guilty the next day, I felt a speck of hope. Maybe the darkness wouldn’t totally consume me, and that I got through the lowest moment and crawled out of the hole. In a way that night saved my life.”

“Magical pussy.” I nodded.

“Bloody hell.” Lennox burst out laughing, his deep howl echoing and bouncing through the room, spreading sheer joy and giddiness in my veins, widening my mouth in a huge grin. His uninhibited laugh burst in my chest like the most rare, powerful, beautiful song. “Damn, Spencer.” He chuckled, shaking his head, his smile glinting his eyes, staring down at me. “I never can predict what’s gonna come out of your mouth.”

“Believe me, my mother can painfully concur with that.”

“I love it.” He leaned forward, his mouth brushing mine. “Do you know how rarely I’m taken unaware in life? I’m trained to be ready, perceiving behaviors and events before they happen. Except with you. No one has ever snuck out on me…ever. And you did it twice.”

“Glad to be able to keep you up on your toes,” I murmured against his lips.

“Not the only thing you keep up.” He kissed me, pulling away and taking a deep breath. “You need to get some sleep.”

“You didn’t finish. Who was your second?”

He frowned, probably hoping this conversation was over. Tipping his head, his mouth pinned together.

“Right.” My palm smacked at my forehead. “Hazel.”

“No. She was the last one.” His Adam’s apple bobbed, coiling a snake in my gut. A feeling of dread washed over me.

“Who was the second?” Apprehensively, I let the question slide out.

“Katy.”

“Katy?” I sputtered, sitting up. “As in the horse trainer for the Royal House, Katy?”

He nodded, his expression blank.

“I knew it.” I hit my fists into the bed, recalling the way her gaze possessively crawled over him. Behind her sweetness laid claws. “She wanted you so bad, I thought she’d take me out and hide my body under the hay piles, then you told her who I was.” I snorted, remembering the way her shoulders eased when Lennox told her who I was. Not a threat. “Was it before or after that?”

“Does it matter?”

“After then.”

“It was once, and it was a mistake. It was during the time I disappeared.” Yes, I remembered. That week I was miserable, but I didn’t I let myself recognize the reason why. Now I could see how much I hated him being gone. I felt like something was missing. I kept searching for him, then chastising myself for it. “It was Gracie’s birthday. Her family makes it this big deal.” His eyes pinched in the corners. “The years before I didn’t think about it, knowing it was something they needed to do. But this year, it hit me. What complete torture it was for all of us, including Gracie, to be celebrating something she will never have again. A life. And all I kept thinking about was wanting to get back to you, which just twisted my guilt and loathing into abhorrence. I could barely sit still, be in my own skin.” He leaned his head back into the pillow, his attention on the ceiling. “I kept telling myself it was the job I wanted to get back to, not you, but even then, I knew it was a complete lie.

“She found me in a moment of weakness. I was a piss arse drunk in a pub after spending the day at the hospital. Angry at the world. My situation. Myself. You. I wasn’t really in the right frame of mind, but I didn’t stop her when she took me back to her place. Let me say it was awkward the next morning. I was honest, telling her I wasn’t looking for anyone.”

“Have you talked since?”

“She has texted and called, and I’ve tried to be brief in my responses.”

I was never a jealous person. I was okay with sharing Theo with the world, knowing the thousands of women, models, actresses, and singers pined for him and fantasized about him. It never bothered me.

With Lennox, my gut burned with jealousy, but I pushed it back down, liking how open he was with me.

“And then there was Hazel.” My vocals strained. Katy was cute, beautiful even, but Hazel was stunning. I mean, the girl had actually walked the runway in top fashion shows around the world. She was a harder pill to swallow, feeling like a nerdy schoolgirl next to her, and especially because she was also a “friend” in our group. Around him. “In the room right across from mine.”

He adjusted his hand under his head, not responding.

“Would love to block the image out of my head,” I grumbled, flashes of her coming out of his room, mussed, cheeks glowing from being thoroughly fucked, returning like a bad rerun.

“I don’t do regrets anymore. It was a promise I made to myself after that dark time. But if I could only take back one, it would be that one.”

“Really? Why that one? Have you seen Hazel?”

He shifted uncomfortably, staring out the windows.

“No lies between us now.” I tipped my head to the side, staring down on him.

“I wasn’t going to lie. I’m just not sure the truth will help.”

“Try me.”

He rubbed at his cheek, sucking in. “Besides doing the one thing I told myself I’d never do, sleep with someone associated with my job, I already told you I slept with her because I couldn’t be with you. But there was another thing you didn’t know. She knew. Called me out.”

“Huh?” My eyes widened.

His forehead wrinkled. “The night in the club…it took everything I had not to kiss you. I mean everything, but I knew you weren’t in your right mind. Whatever was between us even then couldn’t be hidden. Hazel noticed.”

Holy crap, Hazel knew? Recalling her now, I remembered certain looks, certain things she said, which confirm that.

“When we got back, and I got you up to your room? You almost broke me.”

“Broke you?”

“My willpower was already paper-thin. You started to undress, dancing around your bedroom. Badly, may I add. Tripping and stumbling, but it was so fuckin’ adorable. And still hot as hell. But what almost toppled me over was the fact you said my name every time you looked in my eyes. I knew you didn’t see Theo, and that almost destroyed my resolve. But I walked away, knowing it was for the best. She confronted me in the hallway, warned me of all I had to lose. She suggested we use each other.” Lennox shrugged. “I had no hope of having you, so I took her up on it.” He huffed. “Didn’t help me at all.”

“No?” My eyebrows curved up. “Hazel is like every man’s fantasy.”

Lennox’s head jerked to me, his irises heating as he sat up, flattening my back onto the bed.

“Clearly not mine.” He crawled over me, settling between my legs. “She’s a lovely girl, but I like them awkward, blunt, unpredictable, defiant, and stubborn as hell.” He claimed my mouth, his hips rolling into mine, instantly igniting flames down my spine.

His hand traveled down, pushing my knickers to the side, his fingers sliding through me.

“Oh, god.” My back arched.

“I was supposed to let you sleep.” He dove in deeper, pumping in and out. “But I can’t seem to stop myself when I’m around you anymore. You finally broke me.”

I couldn’t get any words out, my breath heaving as I moved against him.

“I can’t get enough of you.” He pushed up the shirt, his mouth taking in my breast, flicking at my nipple, creating a noise deep in my chest. “There’s one of the moans I love.” He moved to the other breast. “Let me see how loud I can get them.” He nipped and licked down my stomach, sliding down my underwear, his tongue spreading through me.

Loud and unfiltered, a cry broke from my lips, my nails raking through his hair.

“You taste so fuckin’ good.” He slid his hands under my arse, holding me against him as he devoured and took.

Cries, moans, and screams of his name purged from my mouth like I was possessed before I exploded with pleasure, reaching a place I never knew existed.

When he entered me, our bodies moving together, it was so sensual, so slow and deep, I could no longer differentiate between us. He had claimed me in every way. I knew my heart was a goner.

There would be no coming back from this.

No matter what lay ahead.

Frothy morning light seeped through the spitting clouds, quietly waking me up. Rain tapped lightly against the glass as wisps of fog snaked over the river and street below. People rushed down the pavement to the train for work or school, bundled up against the cold.

Lennox’s naked body encased me in warmth. His steady breathing against my neck made me smile happily. After one of the most intense orgasms of my life, we both passed out, exhaustion giving me over to slumber without one nightmare. I hadn’t slept so soundly in months, probably since moving into the palace, making me see how long I hadn’t been relaxed or comfortable.

Lennox stirred behind me, a low hum vibrating from his chest. “You’re here,” he muttered into my hair, his arms circling me, shifting up my bare stomach.

“You have the coffee, where did you think I’d go?”

He snorted. “Several times I bolted awake, thinking I had just dreamed you being here.” He growled, his erection pushing against my arse, forcing me to bite my lip.

“You know, under all those gruff layers, you are actually very sweet.” I grinned to myself, knowing that would totally needle him.

“I’m not sweet.” He huffed, pinning my back to the bed, rolling on me, a snarl wrinkling his nose.

“Ah, come on, you are a softy,” I teased, loving the feel of his weight on me. I wanted to stay like this all day.

“Does that feel soft to you?” He shifted his hips into me, cutting off my argument with a sharp gasp. His mouth came down on mine, devouring me with hunger. “And what I want to do to you is anything but sweet.”

Our mouths veered quickly to frantic, my legs wrapping around him, my head spinning with the feel of him sliding through me. “Lennox…” I moaned, my nails raking up his firm arse, pulling him into me with desperation, needing him inside me more than air. I never wanted to stop touching, hearing his voice, seeing his smile. His smell, his body, his fingers caressed my skin. There was nowhere else I wanted to be. If the world was burning up, flipped over, and razed to rubble, there still would be nothing to stop me from getting to the man next to me.

He was right. This was going to be a problem.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

A pounding on the door boomed through the space, jolting us, our heads twisting to the door.

“What the fuck?” Lennox muttered under his breath.

“Lennox, my boy? You there?” A man’s voice came through the door, thick with a northern Victorian accent. “Your doorman let me up.”

“Shite.” Lennox scrambled off me, grabbing the briefs on the floor while tossing me the t-shirt he had torn off me last night, both of us rushing to cover up as the doorknob jangled, unlocking.

This person had a key?

“Hold on!” Lennox yanked up his boxers, sprinting for the door.

I yanked down the shirt, scuttling out of the bed, searching. “Where are my knickers?” I hissed.

He shook his head, having no idea where in the tangled sheets he tossed them.

“Lennox?” The man tapped again.

Lennox’s lids squeezed together for a moment. Taking in a deep breath, he straightened up before tugging the door open.

“Arthur,” he said on an exhale, his jaw twitching. “Now is not a good—”

Arthur.

I had heard that name…oh, feck me sideways…

Gracie’s father.

“It’s never a good time with you, my boy.” Arthur chuckled, pushing past him, closing the door. Looking to be in his late sixties, Arthur wasn’t a very big man, but his pudgy stomach gave him substance. He had pale skin, white hair, and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. He wore khaki trousers, wool jumper, and boots, the rain dampening his jacket and hat. “I brought you some fresh scones. Mary knows how much you love them.” He lifted his hand carrying a paper bag. “She wanted to make sure you were eating something since we hardly see you any—” Arthur stilled, his eyes landing on me, freezing him in place.

“Arthur…” Lennox said his name, packing so much subtext into two syllables.

The man continued to stare at me, strained silence twirling around the room as he took in the t-shirt I was wearing, my messy hair, and bare legs. Absently, I tugged at the hem of Lennox’s shirt, trying to pull it past my thighs.

“Well, I guess I understand why we haven’t seen much of you lately,” Arthur replied lowly, turning back to Lennox, his voice not giving anything away.

“Arthur, this is Spencer Sutton.” Lennox’s voice strained as he spoke, nodding to me. “Spencer, this is Arthur Clarke.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Clarke.” My voice cracked, sweat beading the back of my neck. And people thought meeting the parents while half-naked was embarrassing, try meeting your lover’s wife’s father? That was a whole new level of awkwardness.

Arthur stared at me, his lids fluttering with realization. “Spencer Sutton?” He shot at Lennox, his chest puffing. “The Spencer Sutton who is going to be marrying the prince of Great Victoria?”

“Arthur…”

“That Spencer Sutton? The one the King of Great Victoria asked you to protect? Tell me, boy…”

“Yes.”

“What the fuck are you doing, Lennox?” His cheeks flushed with anger.

“You don’t understand.”

“You’re right. I don’t understand!” Arthur boomed, his arms flying out. “Have you completely lost your mind?” Arthur’s insipid aura flipped, filling the room with his anger and confusion, his face flushed. “Believe me; I understand a man has needs, that there might be a few affairs while you waited for Gracie to get better. I could easily overlook those and pretend they didn’t happen when you returned to your marriage bed with my daughter.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Lennox’s shoulders heaved up, his eyes flashing. “Do you hear yourself, Arthur?”

“Gracie would understand. Men have needs.”

“What a load of shite!” Lennox exclaimed. “Gracie might forgive me, but I never would have if there were hope. That’s a pathetic and weak excuse to cheat on your wife.”

“And here you are, doing just that!” Arthur motioned to me, his voice growing louder with each sentence. “With the Prince’s fiancée! How stupid does that make you? You are cheating on your wife! On my baby girl!”

“Goddamit, Arthur!” Lennox bellowed, his arms flying out. I could sense something snap in him, the truth wanting to be released, years of it being bitten back. “I’m not cheating on Gracie! She’s gone! She has been since the day you put her in there, over two years ago. She’s brain dead, Arthur. I’m sorry, but she is not coming back. Ever. You need to accept that. And forcing her to stay tied to her body, to this earth because you can’t let her go, is not fair to Gracie. To you and Mary, or me. She deserves peace.”

Arthur froze in place, his barrel chest stretched out to capacity, his coloring a deep crimson.

The tension was so thick, it felt like the air was even holding its breath; the only sound was the pattering of rain against the windows.

“I’m sorry,” Lennox sighed, scrubbing at his head, his shoulders drooping.

“You. Should. Be.” Arthur bit out, his frame stiff and cold.

“I’m not sorry for what I said,” Lennox volleyed. “It’s all true. But I shouldn’t have let it come out like that. I’ve been holding on to it for too long. Trying to be the son-in-law you wanted, trying to ease the pain of what happened to Gracie because I felt responsible. That it was my fault. But I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep living like this. Gracie isn’t the only one you are trapping.”

Arthur inhaled sharply, his skin turning almost purple. “I know you filed for divorce. I kept it from Mary, knowing it would break her heart.” His hands rolled into fists, crinkling the bag in his hand. “But go ahead. Shatter the woman who has been a mother to you. Go ahead and abandon my little girl. The only one who ever stood next to you, who loved you so much she fought me to marry you. That’s right. If we’re going for honesty, I didn’t want her to marry you. Tragedy follows you like the plague. You only bring people down in your darkness, and I knew you would destroy her in the end. But she was fiercely loyal to you. And if it were you in the coma, she would be by your bedside every day, believing you’d come out of it.”

Arthur’s gaze darted to me for a moment, chucking the bag in his hand onto the coffee table. “So, remember while you live your life, Gracie will never have that chance…because of you. You did destroy her in the end.” He shoved his stubby finger at Lennox’s face before stomping out, the door slamming with a reverberating bang, slashing through the room like a knife.

Lennox stared at the ground, not moving or speaking; torment engraved across his features.

I wasn’t good at this stuff. I didn’t know what to do to make this better. What could you say to that?

Anger boiled under my skin the more I thought of Arthur’s cutting words. He may be lashing out from grief, but to say those things to Lennox? To a man who already carried so much guilt on his shoulders, who already blamed himself for Gracie predicament? It wasn’t Lennox’s fault, and it wasn’t fair to lay that on him.

Doing the only thing I could think of, I strode up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, molding myself to him, my body telling him what no words could. Not yet, anyway.

He didn’t respond for a long time, but I didn’t let go, and slowly his arms wrapped around me, tucking me fiercely into his body. His face burrowed into my neck, breathing me in with staggered breaths, not letting himself totally give in to the pain.

“It’s not your fault,” I whispered against his skin. “Arthur knows it too. Gracie was unwell. That’s not on you. Our actions are our own, no one else’s.”

He shuddered, a croaked noise coming from the depth of his chest.

“But he was right in one thing. Tragedy does follow me. You need to run far away from me. I ruin and destroy everyone who gets near me.”

“Stop.” I leaned back, gripping his face in my hands. His eyes were red, his expression twisted, but he didn’t let one tear fall. “That’s utter bullshite. You have done the exact opposite for me. I was letting myself drown, losing myself and who I was—allowing others to dictate my fate. You were the one to wake me up, to make me face the truth. You reminded me who I really was, what I wanted in this one life we get.” I gripped his jaw harder, forcing him to look at me. “I’ve never felt so alive. So happy…” I touched my nose to his, feeling his hands grip the sides of my head. “I love you, Lennox. So much, there is no possible way to deny it. I’m stupidly and completely in love with you.”

“Fuck.” He hissed in, his grip clenching my head, drawing me into him with frantic desperation, his lips inhaling me. “I wish I was a better man, forcing you to run away from me while you can…but I’m not. Like I said, I’m not sweet or good.” He kissed me so deeply, I could feel it in every cell of my body, spinning my head. “I’m selfish and greedy—especially when it comes to you. I’m not letting you go.”

“Good thing. Because I’m selfish and greedy when it comes to you too. You aren’t getting rid of me now.” I went on my toes, seizing his mouth brutally. He moaned, picking me up, my legs wrapping around him as he carried me back to the bed.

The day might not have started how I imagined, meeting Gracie’s father in such a way. But oddly, confronting the past actually gave me hope for the future.

Our future.

Chapter 14

“You know I’m against this, right?” Lennox grumbled next to me, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets, his wet shoes squeaking over the linoleum floor.

“How did I miss that the last four times you told me?” I nudged him, turning my covered head up to him, winking. He peeked back, his cap and hood hiding him underneath, both of us trying to bury our identities. His bright eyes caught mine, roaming heavily over me, dropping to my lips, forcing me to catch my breath.

“Stop.” I huffed, turning away, directing us down a hallway.

“I can’t,” he muttered gruffly into my ear. “Told you, you’ve broken me now. I can’t stop.”

Desire balled in my throat, dropping down as I swallowed, trying to keep on point. Same. “Focus,” I murmured back, but it was more for myself than him.

“When it comes to you, I always do.”

I halted suddenly, tugging Lennox into a corner as a doctor and nurse came out of the room I was heading for. They conversed for a moment before parting ways, leaving the door open. The room appeared empty of visitors.

“You sure about this?” Lennox gripped my hand in his. “Because sometimes finding out the truth is not better.

“I know.” I exhaled, my voice not sounding as sure as I wanted it to. “But I can’t stop now. I already know…I just need him to confirm.”

Going to my aunt was secondary to going to Lord William. She had too many reasons to lie, to deny the truth, and toss the story away as nothing.

Lord William had no reason. He might be an evil SOB, but he thrived off hurting people with the truth. He had no incentive to lie. Did he know about Landen? If he did, did he ever want to be in his life? Did he care he had a son?

“Be sure, Spence.” Lennox leaned over me, cocooning us in this little world of just us. “Right now, you can still live with the questions and doubt. But once you know for sure, you can’t unknow it…you will carry that burden forever.”

I pursed my lips together, not responding.

“But I know there’s no stopping you.” His cheek lifted in a side grin. “You would never be able to leave it alone.”

“Oh, you think you know me so well?” I raised one eyebrow.

“Yes.” He nodded. “Just like with animals, you want to protect and take care of everyone. But you need all the facts and data, so you know how best to protect or help them.”

I sucked in, feeling bare and exposed. No one had ever seen me so clearly, even myself. It was a little unnerving. Clearing my throat, I stepped back, looking at the room. “Then you know I need to do this.”

“Yeah, I do. But I also know, very well, truths come with costs.” His concern for me ballooned in my heart, making me fall for him even more. Without warning, I went on my toes, my mouth crushing his briefly before swiveling away, striding toward the hospital room.

Stepping into the room, the noise of machines and the heart monitor beeped rhythmically in the quiet room. My gaze fell on the sleeping man in the bed, and I almost walked out, thinking I got the wrong room.

He had always been old to me, but now he appeared frail and insignificant. The larger-than-life ego he contained had been sucked out, leaving a husk of his twisted soul. His face had a sickly pallor, trenched with wrinkles, his tall, lean body reedy and boney.

Strange, I stood in his office just the other day, and this fragile man had me restrained against the wall. Now he lay in a bed like death was summoning him.

With each step I took, my breath faltered, ready for the skeleton to sit up and scare the hell out of me.

Lord William’s lids fluttered open, his murky brown eyes landing on me.

“Ms. Sutton.” Like an old groaning house, his voice crackled and splintered. “I am surprised to see you at my bedside.”

“Believe me, it’s the last place I want to be as well.”

Lord William’s attention floated behind me. “I see you brought your bodyguard. Is he watching your delicious young body close, my dear? I know I would be.”

“Shut up, you gasbag.” Lennox pitched off the wall, but I held out my hand, my expression telling him I got this.

A chuckle came from William, shifting into a cough. “By the looks of it, Mr. Easton, you are finally doing much more than watching her body from afar.” The old man grinned smugly. “How is the Prince taking it? Does he even know you’re slipping your cock into his future wife? Is the princess’s pussy that special you would risk everything for it?”

“Fuck off—” Lennox lurched forward again.

“Lennox.” I jumped in front of him, pushing against his taut chest. “He’s trying to get a rise out of you. Don’t let him.” My palms pressed into his torso until his glower dropped to me, his jaw rolling and gritting together.

A laugh filled the room as William pushed himself higher on the bed. “Wow, it must be quite extraordinary if she has you trained so obediently and wanting more. I’m disappointed I didn’t get to try it out. See what all the fuss is about.”

This time I couldn’t stop Lennox. He leapt for the old man, his hand wrapping around his throat, shoving him back into the pillow.

“You fucking useless piece of rubbish.” Lennox squeezed harder, William’s pale skin turning a purple-red. “Does it make you feel like a man to force and assault women? Make you feel powerful? Strong? That’s the problem with pathetic sods like you; you mistake your deep insecurities and lack of character as masculinity and strength because you’re too scared to see you are nothing. Have nothing. No one loves you or cares about you. Your life will make no mark. Simply another name on a headstone. Alone and forgotten.”

William’s hands batted at Lennox, his mouth parted, air no longer going in or out.

William’s life meant very little to me, but Lennox’s meant everything. “Lennox.” My fingers wrapped around his wrist. “Stop.”

“He rapes and assaults women. The world would be better off.” He pushed down on the lord’s neck harder.

“I agree, but I won’t be better off if you are in jail,” I begged, tugging on his grip. “Please. For me.”

He inhaled, his shoulders rising, tightening one more time before he dropped back. William’s hacks and sputters instantly filled the room, his hand rubbing his throat.

“You are insane. You almost killed me! I’m going to call security!” William hissed out, grappling for the call button.

“No. You aren’t.” Lennox easily swiped it out of his reach.

“Give it to me.”

“Look who is the one scared and crying for help now?” Lennox snarled at him. “Something all the women you assaulted were not able to do.”

“They came willingly! Not my fault they were all so eager to fall to their knees to work off their debts.”

“Willingly?” I bolted forward. “What part of me saying no was willing?”

“You came to my office. You knew exactly what you were getting into, so don’t act prudish and shocked. You wanted it too.”

“You bastard!” I reached for his throat.

“Spencer.” Lennox grabbed my hands, pulling me back.

“Let go!”

“No. I don’t want you going to jail for this worthless piece of shit.”

“You are both crazy.” William crawled at the air for the remote. “Give it back to me!”

“Not a chance.” Lennox scoffed, his head shaking. “Spencer has a few questions to ask you. You behave like a good boy, answer them truthfully and to her satisfaction, and I might hand this back to you.”

William’s eyes darted between us on each side of his bed, realizing he was the one at a disadvantage this time.

“Spit it out then.” He huffed, his ego filling him up like an inflatable tube.

Licking my lips, I dug into my jacket pocket, pulling out the set of pictures.

Once you know for sure, you can’t unknow it…you will carry that burden forever. Lennox’s warning filtered through my mind before I ground my teeth together, flipping the images to face William.

He leaned forward, his eyesight not good enough to make them out from a distance, but I didn’t let my grip go on them.

Something shifted in his demeanor. The egotistical perfume that reeked from him dropped in an instant. His trembling hands gripped the side of the pictures.

“I haven’t looked at these in so long,” he muttered to himself.

“That’s my aunt.” I pointed at the picture, still hoping he’d correct me, telling me it was some other woman in his bed. “Right?”

His mouth compressed, his hands starting to shake more.

“Tell me,” I ordered.

“Yes,” he replied so quietly I almost didn’t hear him, his fingers sliding gently over her youthful face. She was lying on her stomach in only a pair of underwear and heels, peering salaciously at the cameraman, surrounded by S&M toys.

“You and Aunt Lauren had a relationship then?” I cringed.

“Yes.” He sounded lost and far away, his gaze still on her face.

“Did you blackmail her? Force her into this?” I didn’t know what answer I wanted, if any would be okay.

“No.” His head shot up, anger igniting his cheeks and eyes. “You may not believe this, but she came to me. Pursued me! She was bored in her marriage. It started as just a fun fling for both of us.” He licked his lip. “But we fell in love.”

A few words and it felt like he punched through my chest. It was hard for me to believe my aunt could love this man.

“She was the one in control. She dictated when I saw her, what our relationship was. I was helpless against her.” He swallowed, looking away from the images. “Take those away. I don’t want to see them anymore.”

I blinked, bewildered at his reaction. It was not put on, the heartbreak still fresh, like it was recent, not over twenty years ago. Out of all the scenarios, I had not planned on this one.

“You still love her,” I uttered without thought.

His forehead wrinkled with anger, but he didn’t counter my claim.

Holy shite.

“What happened?”

Silence.

“Tell me!”

“She used me!” he spat at me, life firing up his withered body. “Deceived me. Made me think she loved me too. Told me she’d leave her controlling husband, who had yet to even knock her up after seven years of marriage. I was willing to give it all up for her! I didn’t care about anything but having her. I didn’t care about the money, house, or our titles. We’d move abroad and become husband and wife. We both knew we either chose love or our stature. Couldn’t have both.”

I couldn’t move or speak, sensing every word was truth.

“Your aunt chose money.” He sneered. “I was so pathetic I was willing to be her lover on the side simply to be near her, to keep her. But she came back one night, told me she and Fredrick were having a baby, and to leave her alone. She never contacted me or acted like she knew me after that. It was so easy for her to cut me off. To walk away.”

My throat tightened as I pulled out my cell, a picture of a face already up on my screen.

“She destroyed me. Took my heart, my soul, and crushed it.” Wrath lashed out of him like venom. The man he was today was because of my Aunt Lauren. He had the choice to become what he did, but I saw the dark, raging fire and pain she slashed across his heart.

He wasn’t a strong enough man; he let it swallow him, twist him with ugliness and cruelty.

“So…you came after us on purpose?”

He snorted. “I didn’t even have to try. Your uncle gambled what was left of your fortune on his own. His greed and desire to rise above his station was always going to be his downfall. I began to see they were perfect for each other. Petty, hateful, and shallow. Both obsessed and desperate for affluence and wealth.

“Like you.”

“I became the man she wanted.”

I didn’t let myself feel any sympathy for the guy who was holding our family hostage, ready to tear us down because of petty grievances—the man who had continually tried to blackmail me, Lauren’s own niece, and bring me to my knees.

As if he came after me on purpose…

“Fuck.” I shook my head, more things clicking in my head. “Theo and I…I must have been a dream come true.”

“Like it was fated. I looked at you, only a few years younger than she had been when we met…” He stared into my eyes with uninhibited malice. “I wanted to destroy you. Her. Your whole family. Especially the son they had. I didn’t have to lay eyes on him to know he’d be like his wanker father and bitch mother. I wanted her to know, to feel the agony and recognize it was me who took her son’s future away from him, who stripped your whole family of their wealth and title. I lived for that moment to feel her grief and regret.”

“You’ve never met Landen?”

“No. Saw him from afar a few times. It was the closest I ever wanted to get to that little twat.”

I felt it rushing up over my tongue, knowing I couldn’t stop it, though it was about to change everything.

“That twat…the one you are set on destroying? Is your own son.”

“What?” Lord William’s eyes tempered, peering at me with confusion.

In my hand, I flipped the picture of my cousin around, one of us at school, a cheeky smile on his face. In my other hand, I held up the picture of young William, his smile matching my cousin’s seamlessly. Father and son. The tiny doubt I held onto vanished in that moment.

“Look closely, Lord William. The boy you wanted to ruin? Is yours,” I clipped out. “Landen is your son.”

Beep. Beep. Beep. The heart monitor picked up, plucking at my nerves like a poorly tuned violin.

Lord William clutched my mobile, pulling it close to his face, his chest rising and falling.

“No,” he whispered. “No.”

Reclaiming the cell, I flipped to another picture of Landon in my photos and held it up for him. One of us half tipsy and being silly last Christmas. How much had changed since then. The holiday was only a few days away. The girl in the photo was so naïve and unaware of what was to come. She felt like a different person. Innocent and young.

“No. He’s Fredrick’s. She told me. She acted like there was no question.”

“You really didn’t know?” It wasn’t really a question. The answer was echoing in the room, his body responding with adrenaline, the monitors chirping with his reaction.

“No,” he spurted, ire flashing up at me. “But you’re mistaken. That boy is Fredrick’s. Not mine.” He shifted in the bed, his words saying one thing, but everything else was shouting his doubt and fears of the truth. There was no question when you put them side-by-side they were related. “Now leave. I want you both to get the hell out of my sight.” His breath was labored, the machines singing like a choir.

His hand went to his chest, leaning back in his pillows, his skin blanching.

“Lord William?” Anxiety prickled at the back of my neck. Noises from the nurses’ station outside suggested they had gotten notice of his accelerated heart and were heading for this room.

“Shite, Spencer. We’ve got to go.” Lennox stepped toward the doorway. “We can’t be caught here.”

I felt awful for leaving him like that, but there was nothing I could do anyway. And us being here would only make everything worse.

“Come on!” Lennox hissed, waving me to him. My feet staggering to Lennox, I glanced back at Lord William one last time.

What if he died? It would be my fault. And Lord William would do it just to spite me. To have me carry the guilt forever.

Miraculously, Lennox and I made back to his Range Rover unrecognized, our heavy breaths filling the car as we sat in the parking garage, staring blankly out the window.

It was several minutes before Lennox finally spoke. “You got your answers?”

“From him? Yeah.” I stared down at the picture still up on my screen—Landen’s blissfully unaware smile. He hated his dad, but he never doubted Fredrick was his father. This wasn’t some fairytale story where he found out his real father was some unknown heroic, kind man.

William was even worse than Fredrick.

“You’re right.” My fingers glided over the screen.

“Why do I feel this is the only time I’m ever going to hear those words?”

I snorted, not looking up. Both of us knew he was right on that too.

“What was I right about?”

“Truths come with heavy costs.” Emotion clogged my throat, and I turned my head out the side window. “I don’t know what to do. Do I stay quiet and bear the weight but know if he ever does find out and discovers I knew all along, he will hate me? Or do I tell him and destroy his world and have him hate me for bearing the message and ruining his life? I feel either way I hurt and lose him.”

He leaned back in his seat, rubbing his scruff. “I wish I could help you make the decision, but I can’t. This is yours, Spencer. You wanted the truth, and now you have to decide what to do with it.”

My lips rolled together, fighting back the tears. He was right…again. I couldn’t demand it and then run when it got hard. This was growing up. Dealing and figuring things out.

“All I can suggest is don’t act immediately. Sit on it. It’s not life and death, and nothing changes if you hold on to it and figure out the best way to deal with it. Who knows? It might figure itself out for you.”

My neck curved to look at him, my eyes fully taking in the man next to me. Little did I know the arsehole who walked up with Theo to my front door that September day would turn into my everything. There was no question he was magazine gorgeous, but all I saw now was his heart, his soul, his pain, and even his anger and stubbornness.

Bloody hell, I was so in love with this guy, I couldn’t even breathe. How long had I been and brushed it off as something else?

“What?” His lips curved up on the side.

“Nothing.” My eyes not leaving him, I shook my head. The emotion I felt for him scared me. I told him last night I loved him. It had come out without my mind having input. And I realized how utterly exposed I was now. With Theo, I had said it many times…too easily. And I did love him, but now I really understood the difference. Theo was sweet, genteel, easy.

Lennox…

Raw.

Brutal.

Bare.

Stripped.

Intense.

Overwhelming.

Almost painful.

I was completely head over arse, can’t see straight, my heart on a platter, kind of in love. I had no way to stop it, and he could completely destroy me.

He gazed intensely at me, feeling like he was shredding through more layers. A knowing curve of his lips delivered tingles down my spine.

“What?” I countered in a whisper.

“Nothing,” he said quietly, packing it with so much meaning, it couldn’t stay afloat, falling on me, forcing me to suck in. The air in the car was thick, both of us staring at each other, feeling everything and saying nothing.

“Spencer…” he uttered hoarsely, his grip on the steering wheel loosening as he faced me more. “I’m not good at—”

Riiiiinnnggg.

The shrill sound from my cell jolted me in my seat, my heart leaping up my throat as I peered down at it. I was going to kill whoever decided to call right now, interrupting whatever he was going to say.

“Shite.” I sighed, pinching my nose, my eyes taking in the name on my screen. Lennox glanced down, his shoulders rolling back. The vulnerability he almost showed evaporated instantly.

“Your fiancé is calling.” He faced the front fully, regripping the wheel. “Better pick up.”

“Lennox…” There was a slight warning in my tone, sighing.

I had no choice. I still owed it to Theo. We were in this mess together, and it was not easy to disentangle from the royal family once you were in.

“Hey, Theo.” I put the cell to my ear.

“Your presence is mandatory tonight.” His voice was clipped and even. “Holiday party at the Prime Minister’s place.”

My face scrunched up, wishing I could say no. “Okay.”

“Meet me at the servant’s entrance at five. The PR team is wondering where you are. They have a dress waiting for you. It will look odd if we don’t go together.”

“Of course.”

“Okay, see you then.”

“Theo?” I blurted, stopping him before he hung up.

He didn’t respond but stayed on the line.

“I’m sorry,” I croaked, feeling horrible for hurting him, making this so uncomfortable and awful. “You don’t know how much I wish things didn’t happen like this.”

“You shag your bodyguard and my mate behind my back. How did you think this would turn out, Spencer?” Curt and harsh, but true. “I’ll see you at five.”

Click.

A night in an uncomfortable dress and heels spent smiling happily, surrounded by my indignant ex-fiancé and snobby nobles.

Oh boy… couldn’t wait…

Chapter 15

“Lennox.”

“You’d think you’d know it was pointless to keep trying.”

“Please.”

“It’s no longer up for discussion.” He nodded his head at the guards, who did a quick sweep of the car, sending us on our way to the palace. “I’m not stopping you. You can do what you want, but it means I can too.”

“It’s not like I want to do this. At. All.”

“I don’t necessarily want to do this either. But here we are.” He flicked his chin at the massive white building as he parked the Rover. The white holiday lights strung everywhere were the only glow in the dark car. “Look at us, already acting like every other couple in the world.”

“Like every other couple?” I spurted out a laugh. We were anything but.

“Compromising for each other and doing something neither of us wants to do.” He leaned over, his mouth finding mine in the dark, kissing me deeply. “I don’t trust Theo alone with you all night.”

“You get how ironic that is, right?” I grinned against his mouth, my hands running over his scruff.

“Like a sick cosmic joke.” He chuckled, his forehead pressing into mine. “Still doesn’t change anything. He’s still in love with you and will probably try any trick to get you back.”

“I doubt it. Not now.”

“Especially now.” His teeth nipped at the sensitive spot on my neck. “I know this because I would do the same.”

“Really?” I lifted his head, meeting his gaze. “You’d deceive, manipulate, and blackmail me into being with you?”

“I would do far worse.” He growled, diving back for my lips, his hands wandering down my body. “I can show you right now if you need me to.”

My lungs heaved as his hands explored, his mouth devouring. I could feel him putting his claim on me…and I gladly let him.

“Well, trust me, then.” I returned the fervor of his kiss, heat billowing under the layers of clothes. “I know who I want to go home with tonight.”

A vibrating noise came from his throat, his tongue deepening the kiss.

Bang. Bang.

A fist hit the window next to my head, jolting us to the figure.

Shite.

“I said five o’clock…not a quarter after,” Theo barked, turning back for the palace. “Shag each other on your own time.”

Flinching, I bit down on my lip. No matter what, Theo didn’t deserve to be hurt like this. To have it thrown in his face.

“Showtime,” Lennox mumbled. “This is going to be fun.”

Regrouping, I climbed out of the vehicle, tucking my hands in my pockets, striding for Theo.

“Sorry, traffic getting here was awful,” I spoke. Theo wasn’t paying me one bit of attention; his focused glower was on the person behind me.

“What the hell?” Theo’s nose wrinkled with fury. “What are you doing, mate?” Disgust was coiled tight around the word.

“I’m Spencer’s bodyguard,” Lennox responded, tension underlying each note.

“No.” Theo puffed up. “You quit. You are no longer employed here. And even if you hadn’t quit, I would have fired you.”

“I still have to put in my two weeks.” Lennox shrugged. “I’ve already worked it out.”

“The hell you have!” Theo stepped up to Lennox. “I want you chucked off this property. Banned from ever coming within a kilometer of here.”

“Your Highness.” Like a balm, Dalton’s voice washed over us from behind, twisting my head to the massive man filling up the kitchen doorway. “I cleared Lennox to be on duty tonight.”

“But…why?” Theo looked at his guard, hurt hinting in his irises. “After everything he’s done?”

“Whatever Mr. Easton and Ms. Sutton have done privately, it doesn’t take away the fact he is excellent at his job and will protect her without question.” Theo snorted at the end comment. “And as long as she is here, she will be protected. We have no one else. Any extra guards I have are already out surveying and guarding the residence of the Prime Minister after the death threat we got today.”

“What?” My mouth parted, my eyes darting between Dalton and Theo.

“It happens.” Dalton cleared his throat. “But this one was more substantial than most. And it wasn’t solely against the King.” His eyes burrowed into me.

“Me?”

“King, Queen, Theo, Eloise, and you…for some reason this person is especially hateful to you.”

Lennox shifted on his feet, his head lifting like his guard duty just clicked on.

“You knew?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Of course, I would know. To better protect you, I need to know all the facts and data.” He stared at me, knowing I’d remember our conversation earlier when he had said that about me. Now his insistence on being by my side tonight made more sense.

“It will be fine, my lady.” Dalton soothed me. “We are just taking extra precautions since we will be outside the palace walls.”

Theo huffed, folding his arms. “Let’s just get through the bloody holidays.”

“Wait? The holidays?”

“You want to tell the whole world at Christmas time their adored prince and fiancée are a fraud?” He stepped closer to me, a darkness and anger I had never seen in him before twisting his usual happy, good-looking features. “Merry fecking Christmas, everyone. The princess you were finally accepting and adoring is a lying, deceitful scrubber.”

A snap and everything changed, moving at once. As if he knocked the wind out of me, I stepped back, feeling the hurtful claim stab into my chest. Lennox barreled into Theo, his elbow going across his neck as he slammed him against the wall.

“Don’t ever fucking call her that again! You hear me?”

“Screw you.” Theo spat at him.

“Lennox!” Dalton grabbed his arm. “Get off him now.”

Lennox and Theo glared at each other, neither paying attention to us or backing down.

“Lennox.” I tugged on his jacket. “Stop. Don’t make this worse.”

His eyes darted to me but went back to the Prince.

“I don’t care who you are.” Lennox shoved his finger in Theo’s face, his forearm pressing deeper into Theo’s neck. “You call her that again—or any woman—I will kick your arse.”

Shame fluttered over Theo’s face, his head snapping to the side. He knew he went too far. This anger wasn’t like him, and I hated I was the reason for this change in personality.

“Enough,” Dalton ordered. “You are all acting like children.” He then pointed at Theo and me. “And you two—you are better than this. Nobles. Now start acting like it. Put your differences away for the night and try to remember why you liked each other in the first place and get through the evening.” He went to the third person in our party. “And you…do your job and stop being…well, an arsehole.”

“Too late for that,” Theo muttered, his lip hitching at Lennox.

Lennox snarled but stepped back.

“Spencer, go get dressed. The stylist is waiting for you in your room.” Dalton took my shoulders, pointing me inside the house. “We’ll see you at six in front.” He nudged me forward, my feet moving, my ears picking up Dalton’s continued speech. “Theo, go get dressed, and Lennox, come with me. I need to update you on surveillance and procedures for this evening.”

Making my way toward my old room, I realized I didn’t belong here. Even the faces in the paintings glowered at me, sensing I was an intruder—a deserter.

No longer welcome.

I never had been, but this time, strolling the familiar corridor, it rooted deep in my bones. How these walls would have become my prison. Just a larger cage for my shell to live in. Beautifully put together, the right smile and wave, impeccably dressed on the outside, but hollow inside.

“There you are!” A shrill voice came from in front of me, my attention landing on Chloe and Heidi standing in my path. “Where have you been?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Could I get through a night without the bitch twins?

“We’ve been calling and texting you!” Chloe slammed her hands on her hips. “You cannot simply run off for the night! You have duties! Responsibilities. And if and when you schedule a night away, we are to know where you are and who you are with! Every move, we must know about.”

I walked past them, not even pausing, completely befuddling the pair. I used to be so scared and intimidated by them, especially Chloe. She had made me feel less than, like I was some distant poor relation the family felt obligated to take on. One who should be seen and not heard, ready to be the rug everyone wiped their feet on.

No more.

“Did you hear me?” Chloe came stomping after me.

“Everyone can probably hear you.” I snorted, turning down the final hallway. “You’d think being the head of the PR team, you’d be much more discreet.”

Knowing this wasn’t my life gave me a strength I should have had from the start. But it felt amazing knowing I didn’t have to bow to them any longer.

“Pardon me?” Her voice rose even higher.

“Did I stutter?” I said, before stepping into my room. The usual house stylist, Jenny, waited patiently. “I’m so sorry I’m late, Jenny. Please, forgive my rudeness.” I spoke sincerely to her, taking her hands in greeting. She was nice, just doing her job. I had absolutely no quarrel with her. The other two? They were a whole other story, and unfortunately for them, I had no more fucks to give.

“No problem, my lady.” The stylist dipped in a shallow curtsy, motioning me to the makeup chair she had set up for me. “With your natural beauty, I don’t need much time at all.”

Thanking her, I settled into my seat, seeing Chloe and Heidi in the mirror.

“Did you need anything? If not, you can go.” I waved them off like they were flies. Normally, this would go against everything in my soul. I was not this person, but something snapped in me. Lennox helped me find this strength, this power, and I would not be treated like the rug anymore. By them, by the royal family, and especially by myself. I had quietly taken it for years because I was dependable and wanted to protect and help.

“Excuse me?” Chloe’s nose went sky high into the air, her shoulders snapping back. “I am the head of the Royal House PR. Appointed by the King. My job is to make sure the royal palace, family, and their image and message stay on point. You cannot treat me like—”

“Like what?” I popped out the chair, facing her like we were in a standoff. “Like you are beneath me? As you two have treated me since the day I arrived? As if a low baron’s daughter could ever dream of being the future princess. I wasn’t a person, but a puppet to move around, dress, and become her voice. You are in charge of the house PR. So…unless I’ve run naked through Victorian Abbey or sent sex texts to the vicar, I see no reason for you to be here.”

Both Chloe and Heidi sucked in, their eyes wide with disbelief.

“Heidi, I will no longer be needing your services.” This was truer than they even knew at this point. But I was also not above using my fake position to go out with a bang.

“You cannot sack me!”

“No, the King has to formally fire you, but I can dismiss you from being my assistant.” She’d be out of a job soon enough anyway. “I think both of you forgot that the shy, unsure girl who showed up here as the Prince’s girlfriend, whom you basically treated like an object, might turn into the future princess—future queen—who can most certainly sack you.” I folded my arms, tilting my head to the side. I was going to enjoy this moment because soon I would be everything they feared, the worst scandal to hit the Royal House in a long time. They could pat themselves on the backs then, saying they saw it coming, but right now was my moment. “Your egos have forgotten that those you see as nothing of consequence can become the one you are bowing to at the end. Now, please go. I’m in no mood to see or hear either of you again tonight.”

Heidi glared at me, hate spewing from her eyeballs, but she whirled around, stomping out. Chloe stood there for another moment, her face emotionless, but her eyes glittered with loathing.

“Chloe?”

She swallowed back the words I knew she wanted to spew at me, maybe for once realizing the power had flipped.

“Good. Evening. My. Lady.” She sliced through her sentiment, her jaw tight, her nails cutting into her palm.

“Good night.” I smiled, watching her leave the room, perfuming the exit with deep abhorrence and ire.

“Wow.” Jenny gaped next to me.

“I’m sorry. Bollocks, that was so not like me.”

“No…” She shook her head. “It was bloody brilliant!” She pressed her hands to her mouth, a giggle coming out. “Those two condescending, snooty bitches so deserved that.”

I glanced at Jenny, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror.

“They needed to be put in their place. They treat everyone here like we are their servants.” She blushed, looking down. “I shouldn’t say such things to you, but my mouth sometimes opens and blah...” She motioned like stuff was coming out of her mouth.

I could so relate. “Don’t worry.” I slipped back into the chair, grinning, feeling so strong and secure with myself. “You don’t need to worry about me saying anything.” I won’t be around for much longer. “Plus, I don’t think it’s much of a secret. They parade the hallways like—”

“Like them.” The moment she expressed it, she hissed through her teeth. “Forgive me, lady, that was wrong. Your future family. I really shouldn’t have said such things.”

Them. Meaning the royals. Many acted elite, entitled, arrogant, snobby, aloof, and above everyone. Even Eloise, as much as I liked her, was still one of them to the core.

Jenny moved behind me, running a brush through my tangled hair. “I’ve liked you from the start, my lady. You’re different. Real. A breath of fresh air that is much needed in this stuffy place. I feel it in my gut; you will be the change we need. I am so glad you’re going to be part of the Royal House.”

Staring at my reflection as she continued to work, I felt horribly guilty for not confessing the truth to her. I wanted to warn her she was going to be greatly disappointed in me. Not just because I was going to betray this house by walking away, but the fact that if I stayed, I would have turned into one of them.

Chapter 16

“You look beautiful.” Theo stared ahead, the compliment coming out cool, but I could hear the slight tightness in his voice, though he tried to disguise it.

“Thank you.” I clutched his arm as we went up the steps to the house. Cameras at the end of the street clicked, flashing the street like a dance club.

“Theo! Theo!”

“Spencer! Turn around! Spencer, how does it feel to be engaged?”

The papzz continued to yell, the onslaught prickling my spine with anxiety. How did anyone get used to this?

“Spencer! Spencer! I heard you were spotted driving away from the hospital today. A source said you were coming out of the prenatal unit. Are you pregnant? Is there a royal baby already on the way?”

Bloody frickin’ hell.

Of course, they would take a sliver of truth and twist it beyond belief. Take some fibbing source and run with it for a headline. And little did they know the truth was ever juicier than whatever they had conjured up.

Theo’s normal cadence with the media had flipped, his stony expression completely contrasted with the open, good-natured guy they were used to.

He rushed us into the private residence of the Prime Minister, exhaling roughly the moment the doors closed, but he didn’t relax. Anger and sadness locked his face as the servants took our coats.

“You know I’m not, right? That was total bollocks,” I whispered hoarsely to him when the attendants stepped away.

“I have no idea what is true and what is not with you anymore. For all I know, you could be. But would you even know whose baby it was?”

I stood still, sucking air through my nose. “Fuck you, Theo.”

“Actually, you’re right. It wouldn’t be mine. We used every means of protection when we did do it.”

“Your Highness? My lady?” An attendant motioned for us to progress to the main drawing room. I didn’t move, staring at Theo, my teeth grinding together. His attention darted around, not wanting to look at me. Finally, he took a deep exhale, his hand rubbing his forehead.

“I’m sorry. That was cruel,” Theo muttered, sounding so much like the guy I used to know. “I’m really struggling here, Spence. This is not easy for me.”

“You think this is easy for me?”

“You put us here.” He flinched the moment he said it, wagging his head, taking a breath. “Let’s try to get through the night, possibly have fun.” He held out his hand. Hesitantly, I took it, knowing we were being watched. All eyes were on the newly engaged pair out at their first event after the proposal; we should be floating in happiness and excitement.

Joseph and Paul stood right inside the doors wearing similar three-piece impeccable black suits, with red silk ties, white pocket handkerchiefs, and shiny, black shoes.

The pair was handsome, and even with Great Victoria’s stiff upper lip society, you could see the undying connection and love between them. The small touches, the looks to each other across the room. They didn’t flaunt it in people’s faces but didn’t hide it either. They were a unit. They had each other’s backs, their love and support for the other stringing through the room like the holiday decorations. I heard a rumor they were thinking about adopting soon. They would make incredible parents.

“Spencer!” Paul greeted me while the Prime Minister, Joseph, shook hands and chatted with Theo. “It’s so lovely to see you again.” He took my hand, squeezing it, his fingers running over the huge family heirloom on my hand. “Gorgeous. I’ll bet you are so excited and overwhelmed. I’m sure RH is already in a whirlwind of planning. Just some advice, don’t let them take so much away from you that it is no longer about you and Theo. The wedding day is a single day out of the thousands you will have building a life together.” He patted my hand again. “You’re going to fight, some days wondering what you got yourself into. But at the end of the day when you know he is the only one you want to spend your life with, it’s all worth it. Someone who makes you laugh, and who you cry with. Someone you are willing to fight any battles you face with. Finding the right person, your person, is key. All the other stuff you can figure out as you go.”

The air struggling in my lungs lodged in my throat. My head subtly turned, my eyes searching the room. I could feel him. The power of his gaze spanned the room, humming over my skin.

Blue-hazel eyes caught mine, hitching my lungs. Dressed in a dark suit, he stood with his arms crossed in front like a statue, trying to blend into the far wall, with Dalton down at the other end.

Neither man disappeared as much as they hoped they did, especially compared to Eloise’s guard, Peter. He was placed on another wall by the windows, and you could easily have missed him.

Lennox was the bodyguard who needed his own bodyguard. He could have dressed in the same color as the wall, and he’d still stand out like a beacon. And by some of the women’s gawking stares as they walked by him, I wasn’t the only one who thought so.

A playful smile took hold of my lips before I could stop it, and my eyebrow curved up as Duchess Caroline, a woman of eighty-one who was still as flirty and randy as a twenty-year-old, approached Lennox. Because of her age and station, she was allowed to be her crazy, eccentric self. She did not hide her interest in Lennox, as she openly ogled him, fanning herself.

A ghost of a grin hinted the side of his mouth, his gaze driving into mine with heat, his shoulder lifting in, “Hey, what can I say? All women want me. I’m an open age opportunist.”

I slightly shook my head, trying to contain the smile and laugh wanting to explode from me.

“Spencer?” My name jerked me back to the person across from me.

“Yes. Sorry.” I tried to play it off.

Paul’s gaze slid from me to Lennox and back, his gaze settling heavier on me, seeing something I didn’t want him to.

“Spencer,” Joseph broke in, his hand reaching for mine in a quick clasp, breaking the awkward moment with Paul. “You look as lovely as ever.” He said it like it was a script he was learning. Paul was definitely the more open and warmer of the two. Joseph was the example of the stiff Victorian, proper and stoic.

“Wonderful to see you too, Prime Minister.”

“Please, call me Joseph,” he said.

“Just not Joey or Joe.” Theo clapped him on the shoulder. Joseph stiffened at the friendly touch, forcing a grim smile to the Prince. “He hates that.”

“He really does.” Paul joined in, winking at his lover. “But that’s probably why I do.”

“You are the only one,” Joseph said under his breath, “I allow.”

The door opened, Catherine and Alexander stepping into the foyer, all attention turning to them.

“Please, go get some drinks. Enjoy the party. Dinner will start in an hour.” Paul motioned for us to move fully into the vast drawing room.

Theo’s hand skated down my back, his palm pressing into my spine, leading me forward. His touch was an odd sensation to me. Familiar, easy, but no longer desired or relaxing.

Eyes burned into me from across the room as Theo moved me around the space, stopping and greeting nobles and important figureheads with endless chatter and small talk I didn’t give a shite about. I stood there, a false smiled plastered on my face, his hand moving from the base of my neck to just above my arse, his thumb absently rubbing the exposed skin my dress left in the back.

Trying to ignore the scorching sensation of Lennox’s gaze, I still found my own stare sliding to his. Before, I would have thought he felt nothing, his features schooled perfectly into detached aloofness. But now I could feel him under the façade, vibrating and pulsing with fury. His jaw twitched, the intensity of his focus on Theo’s wandering hand.

I hated this. All of us were miserable, and it was my fault. All this hurt, pain, and anger was because I didn’t have the strength to stand up and realize what I wanted earlier. I hadn’t trusted the warning in my gut.

Voices yammered into a thread of buzzing around me, my body flushing with hot and cold.

Taking another sip of champagne, the sensation of the unspoken pull between the two guys felt as real as if they were really tugging me like a rope in the middle of the room. The instrumental Christmas music crashed against my spine. Horns, violins, and drums hitting certain pitches that sounded like screams and metal twisting.

My fingers went to my forehead, patting at cold sweat beading along my hairline.

“Spencer?” Theo’s palm curved briefly over my arse, lifting my gaze. His eyes flicked to whoever was across from us. “Dame Patricia was just congratulating us on our engagement.”

“Oh. Yes. Thank you,” I said absently. By the confused expressions, I knew I responded wrong.

“She asked if we were going to get married this spring? Spend our honeymoon in the Seychelles?” Theo dropped the question on me, looking as interested in my answer as she did.

Everything felt like it was closing in on me. Music, voices, and bodies, packing in heat, enveloped me.

“Uh.” My lungs struggled to breathe, spinning my head. “Pardon me for a moment.” I dipped my head at the Dame and took off before Theo could even respond, heading out the nearest doorway, hoping it was the right one.

Spotting the elegantly designed powder room at the end of the hallway, I darted in, closing the door behind me. Leaning on the sink, I took in controlled breaths, trying to calm the panic attack thumping my heart. The doctor warned me that at unpredictable times, noises and extra stress could cause the trauma of the bombing to hit me. You never believe it until it actually happens. And you can’t stop it.

The sound of the door opening drew my gaze up to the mirror, watching Lennox step in behind me.

“Following me into a loo again?” Annoyance tensed my shoulders. “Jesus, Lennox. Really? The last thing any of us need is someone to catch us in here together. Just go.”

Instead of leaving, he traveled to me. Silently, he grabbed a folded hand towel from the basket, turning on the faucet to dampen it. He pressed the cool cloth to the back of my neck, which felt utterly delicious against my hot skin.

“Breathe,” he ordered quietly.

“I am breathing.”

“Spencer.” Warning filled his tone.

Sighing, I dropped my shoulders, taking in a slow, deep breath.

“Again.” He kept the towel on my neck, demanding more breaths from me. “I can spot a panic attack in an instant. So many soldiers, including myself, deal with them. I’ve seen many fight it, pretend it’s not happening, thinking it makes them weak, only to make it worse. Going through a trauma, showing it, is not a weakness. It actually shows strength. You lived. Survived when so many didn’t.”

My defenses dissolved, and I allowed myself to lean into his build. His nearness, slowing my heart, evened out the temperature frying and freezing my insides.

“Thank you.” I leaned my head into him. “But you really should go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m not having sex with you here.”

A laugh burst from his mouth. “I didn’t follow you to get laid, Spencer.”

“Then why? You don’t think people would notice?”

“I’m your bodyguard.” He put his hands on my hips, turning me into his frame, his gaze moving over me. His grip moved to my face, cupping my cheeks. “Where you go, I follow.”

“Now you’re just asking to be shagged in the loo again.” I went on my toes, kissing him.

He grinned against my lips, kissing me again before he leaned back. “As much as I’d love that, I don’t think it would be appropriate.”

“And last time was?”

“Fair enough.” His head bobbed, laughing again. The sound was like biting into the creamiest butter and sipping the best whiskey. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah. I am now.” I nodded. “Thank you.”

“What did Paul say to you earlier? You had a funny look on your face.”

“He said something that made it very clear to me.”

“What?”

“Be with someone who you are willing to fight any battles you face with.” I peered up at him, my arms wrapped around his torso. “And I just knew it was not the guy next to me, but the one across the room.”

His nose twitched, trying to control the emotion I could see coming over him. “Do you know how hard it is to stand there and watch Theo blatantly touch you, shoving it down my throat?”

“We have to act like a happy couple.”

“He’s doing it on purpose, and you know it. The smug glances he’s sending me as his hand wanders over your arse. Seriously, I didn’t think I had this much restraint. And I’ve sat in trenches for fifteen hours waiting on a target.”

“Well, thank you for not kicking the Prince of Great Victoria’s arse at the Prime Minister’s holiday party.” I winked. “Might put a damper on the festivities.”

“Not even Dalton could get me out of that one. You’d have to visit me in the tower.” He tipped up his eyebrow, leaning over to capture my mouth. “Conjugal visits.”

“Whips and chains take on a whole new meaning.” I grinned, deepening the kiss. With Lennox and me, we escalated from passion to lust in a blink. He was the first to break off, keeping his head against mine. “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight? I had to cup my hands in front of me, so the whole room didn’t see my erection.”

“And here I thought it was for Duchess Caroline.”

“The eighty-year-old lady out there?” He nodded toward the door. “She’s got grabby hands, that one.”

“Hey, she’s still got some spunk in her trunk. She could rock your world.”

“Think I’ll have to go say hello to her, then.”

I yanked on his belt, pulling him into me, causing a cheeky smile to pull at his mouth.

“And have me in the tower because I kicked some old duchess’s arse?”

“I’ll visit you.” His mouth brushed mine. “I’m even open to conjugal visits if you ask nicely.”

“Thanks.”

He gripped me tighter to him. “You really do look stunning…but it’s not my favorite look.”

“Careful.” My lids narrowed, playfully.

“I prefer you in my shirt… and nothing else.” His deep voice raked across my skin, firing down my nerves. He nipped at my bottom lip before stepping away with a smile. “Come on, my lady, your fiancé awaits.”

“You really are an insufferable bastard.” I huffed dramatically, glaring at him as I stomped to the door. My body on was fire, wanting to be naked and alone with his.

“You’re welcome.” He bowed, opening the door for me to exit.

A chuckle bubbled from my throat as I touched his cheek, then stepped out.

“What the bloody hell?” A voice stalled me in my place, my gaze snapping to the figure in the hallway.

Horror and disbelief etched her face, taking us both in, realization sharpening her eyes.

“What. Is. Going. On?” My friend crossed her arms, rage and shock warring on her beautiful face.

The blood drained from my face.

“Eloise…”

“Please tell me this is not what I think it is?” She peered at me like she was begging me to refute the unspoken claim laid at our feet. There was no point, and I couldn’t lie to her.

I took a step toward her as she stepped away from me, her head shaking. “Eloise, please. It’s not—”

“Have you completely lost the plot? Spencer, how could you? Behind my brother’s back?” Her hands rolled into fists. Her chest filled, her head rising, becoming the poised princess everyone knew, not the girl I did. “I thought you were different. I liked you. I was excited to have you for a sister-in-law…but cheating on my brother? The Princess of Great Victoria with the bodyguard? How common.” She carted the last word through the mud, her nose wrinkling with disgust.

Emotion choked me, everything she said punching me in the chest. Eloise was my olive branch here. The reason I probably stayed as long as I did. Her friendship kept my feet on the ground when it all became too much.

“You don’t understand.” The statement came out quieter than I wanted, sounding unsure and timid.

“You’re right; I don’t.” She pounced on my hesitation, stomping up to me, using her sky-high heels to loom over, peering down her nose at me. She looked exactly like her mother and grandmother. I think I forgot at the end of the day they were royals through and through—bred and raised in a world completely separate from others. “Whatever I once felt about our friendship, my brother comes first. Because at the end of the day, you’re just an outsider…and I protect my family.”

My mouth parted to speak, but she spoke again. “I will not sit back and let you degrade this family, your role here, and especially him. He is in love with you. He wants to marry you, make you part of this family, a future queen! And this is how you repay him?” she hissed, getting more into my face. Lennox inched closer, but I shook my head. This was my battle to fight. “So, you tell him, Spencer…or I will.”

“He already knows.” Theo’s voice came from behind his sister, causing her to spin around, her mouth dropping.

“Wha-what?” She blinked at him in puzzlement.

Theo’s tucked his hands into his trousers, strolling up to us, his face impassive. “I already know,” he repeated to her.

“I—I don’t understand.” Her wide eyes turned to each one of us, searching for the answer, probably hoping to find this was some horrible misunderstanding on her part.

“It means I already know my fiancée is shagging the help.”

Lennox shifted on his feet, his chin rising.

“Oh, sorry, mate, was that a bit boorish?” Theo glowered at him. “I mean, how terribly rude of me.” He dug in, the insinuation clear.

“Theo.” My lids lowered on him. I understood he was hurt, but I also wasn’t going to let him walk all over us. I had been honest. He simply didn’t want to hear it. “Stop.”

“Stop?” He chuckled derisively. “Yes, because I’m the one who went too far.”

“Bloody hell!” I moved up to Theo. “I told you. I have been honest. I ended it, but you were the one to push it, to ignore me like I was of little consequence. I am sorry you are hurt, but stop making us the absolute villains here.”

“Sorry, did I cheat on you with a maid?”

“Bugger off,” I seethed.

“Wait, wait!” Eloise held up her hand. “You guys broke up? When?”

“We didn’t exactly break up.”

“Yes. We. Did.” I growled in frustration.

“When?” Eloise asked.

“Officially? The morning he proposed to me.” I gritted through my teeth. “Surprising me in front of everyone, leaving me with no choice.”

“It was already planned! I couldn’t stop it.” He flung back at me.

“Stop what?” Another woman’s voice came down the hall, making me groan.

“Oh, you’re going to have a laugh right now.” I tipped my head back.

“What?” Hazel stepped up in her creamy white sequined dress, looking every bit the runway model. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, just that Spencer here has been shagging the man you did while engaged to my brother, behind all our backs.” Eloise stared at me boldly, letting the truth fall with a splat to the ground.

“What?” Hazel’s body jerked, her head snapping to me then Lennox, a slice of hurt and disbelief ghosting her features.

“Blimey, El, that was a bit rough.” Theo gaped at his sister.

Eloise shrugged one shoulder. “Is anything I said not true?”

“Wait.” Theo shook his head, spinning back to his friend. “You slept with him too?” He held out his arms, glancing at Lennox briefly. “What the hell? Seriously, Haz? What is it about him? Is he that bloody good?”

Fuck yes.

Hazel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her blush screaming out her answer, but she disregarded Theo’s queries. She stared at Lennox, her jaw locking, ire filling her eyes.

“I knew it.” She squared her shoulders, glowering at him. “I saw it happening. I tried to warn you, but you couldn’t help yourself, could you?” Her nose twitched like she was trying not to cry, her head turning to the side. “And I really liked you. I thought you liked me too.”

“Hazel.” Lennox’s voice was strained. “I’m sorry. You are a great girl—”

“Don’t.” She swiped at him. “Obviously, I wasn’t that great of a girl, or you’d be with me. Was I just a distraction before you got what you really wanted?”

“You were the one who said we could use each other,” he exclaimed. “I never lied to you. You knew what you were walking into.”

She blinked rapidly, glancing away again. She may have said it, but I don’t think she meant it.

“You never lied? So you told them all before you screwed them that you were married?” Theo tilted his head smugly.

“WHAT?” both Hazel and Eloise bellowed, all attention on Lennox.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” I palmed my face.

“You are married?” Hazel’s hand dug into her hipbones, her cry echoing off the walls. “You lying, cheating—”

“There you all are.” A pretentious accent cut through us like a sword, freezing everyone in place. “How incredibly rude you all are being. Unacceptable. You were brought up better.”

Bleeding hell…

This night just continued to get worse.

Eloise and Theo reacted instantly, trained from birth to respond to her like some Pavlov experiment, rushing to her side, fussing and clucking.

“Grannie.” Theo swallowed nervously, taking the dowager queen’s arm. “We apologize. We got caught up in a conversation. We’ll return straightaway.”

“Yes.” Anne frowned, her gaze parting the group, landing on me. “You do that. However, I am curious as to what was so enthralling that encouraged this rudeness and disregard of your duties?”

Not once did her gaze leave me. I had no doubt who she blamed for this.

“Nothing, Grandmother.” Eloise took her other arm. “It’s not important.”

“Clearly, it is.” The old bat didn’t move a muscle as her grandchildren tried to steer her away.

“Let me get you a drink. Dinner should be starting soon.” Theo forced a smile onto his face, patting her arm, but she wasn’t paying him a bit of attention. That was all on me. She gave nothing away, but in my gut, I felt she knew…something. Maybe not the exact story, but this woman was far too sharp and clever to not pick up on a bit of it.

“Dinner is now being served in the dining room,” a smooth deep voice announced from the other room.

Theo’s shoulders sagged in relief, thankful for the diversion. “Come, Grannie, let me escort you.”

She allowed him to guide her around, my breath slipping from my chest the moment her gaze left mine. My moment of reprieve was short-lived.

“Spencer.” She paused, her long swan neck swiveling to me. “I would like you to sit next to me. Allow me to get to know my future granddaughter-in-law better.”

Kill me now.

“Be my pleasure.” I dipped in a curtsy, forcing the false words up my throat, my gaze slipping to Theo. I wanted to end the facade now and walk out. I wouldn’t, though. I couldn’t do that to him, although Theo did not look a bit sorry for my predicament.

Anne regarded me for another moment before dismissing me, letting Theo lead her to the dining room.

Hazel and Eloise stared at me; their silence filled with the one thing worse than their anger—fear and pity.

My lips pinching painfully together, I took a deep breath through my nose, pushing my legs forward.

Anne was a viper, and I was the furry, little mouse about to be swallowed whole.

Chapter 17

Beads of sweat dampened my neck and armpits; every move I made was under intense scrutiny and judgment: how I sat, picked up a utensil, sipped my wine, or spoke.

The dowager queen watched me out of the corner of her eye, and outright, like a hawk waiting for the precise moment to swoop down on her prey. Theo watched me on my other side, while Eloise and Hazel glared at me from across the table. They had me covered. If this crazy stalker person decided they wanted to come in and kill me, they’d have to wait in line.

Low chatter hummed in the room as our main course was served. It took everything I had not to speed eat, hoping we could get through the evening faster. These dinners were painful on a good day.

My attention remained on the wine glass in front of me. This society was still so archaic and misogynistic that women weren’t supposed to finish a full glass of wine. Though the waiters were always circling, topping it off, so you might have several, you weren’t supposed to go below the halfway mark. It was deemed unladylike.

I was about two seconds away from saying fuck it.

“It is quite irregular for bodyguards to join a dinner party at a private residence, let alone be in the room as we eat.” Anne cut into her already sliced piece of filet mignon, taking a bite so small I wondered why she even bothered.

“I suppose it is.” I took a sip of wine, my façade cool and unruffled, but on the inside, I was like a cartoon character running around screaming and flailing about.

She frowned at my lack of response.

“That is all you have to say on the matter?”

“There was a threat, Grannie,” Theo spoke around me.

“There is always a threat.” She rolled her eyes like we were drama queens.

“This one was more credible. They wanted to take extra precautions.” Theo’s hand came down on my leg. “Especially for Spencer.”

“The threat was for her?” Grannie’s eyebrows went up, then returned to her dish. “I wouldn’t think she would be worth threatening.”

Ouch. The comment was subtle and thrown away like she didn’t just stab me—zing one for Grannie.

“It was for all of us, but they singled Spencer out.” Theo’s hand moved up and down my thigh as I darted my gaze to him. He kept his head forward, acting like he didn’t feel my eyes burning into him.

“Theo,” I ground out, barely loud enough for him to hear.

“What?” He smiled widely, leaning into my ear. “We’re supposed to be acting like two people in love.” His lips grazed my ear. “Like we can’t keep our hands off each other.” He kissed my cheek, then turned his head to his other seat partner, chatting with Duke Henry, his hand staying firmly on my upper thigh.

Don’t lose it. Don’t lose it here.

My skin prickled with the sensation of eyes on me. I didn’t have to look. I could feel Lennox behind me, his gaze burning into the back of my neck.

“So…Spencer,” Anne’s lips twisted down as she clicked her tongue. “Who names a girl Spencer anyway? It’s so masculine and harsh on the tongue and even worse on the ear.”

“I was named after my great-great-grandfather, Lord Spencer.” I stabbed at the fish on my plate, the Prime Minister kindly recalling I didn’t eat red meat when everyone in the Royal House did. “He was the King’s best friend, was he not? You probably remember…you were around then, weren’t you?”

Anne’s mouth parted, choking slightly on her bite of food.

Zing one for Spencer.

“Around then? What nonsense.” She quickly gathered herself. “And his best friend? What are we, in school? Neither men nor kings have best friends, as you adorably put it.” She took a sip of her wine, staring off as if she was recalling a memory. “Hmm…Lord Spencer, yes, I think he was spoken of with great respect. I can only imagine his disappointment at what has happened to your family name since then.”

Zing two. Bloody hell, this woman was good.

“Good thing he’s long dead then.”

She pressed her lips, her head shaking. “You don’t think I can see what is going on with you?” Her voice was steady and controlled but full of implications.

My tongue swelled. “What do you mean?”

“You have no real desire to be part of this revered monarchy. You are stepping into one of the most prestigious roles in the world. Women groomed from birth covet the chance to be deemed worthy of being chosen. Yet, here you are. Merely by marrying my grandson, you will be allowed to be addressed as princess, and then you will be queen. Once you marry, there is no turning back. You are part of this family and will be called upon to act like it. You will be the dutiful wife and queen, no matter what private issues are going on.” Everything in her face and words was always so even and cool; no one would suspect she was using you as a dartboard. “Will you be the princess the public and press never really accepts, or will you accept your role and duty here?”

None of those. I had to clench my jaw together, my tongue eager to spout the response.

“I am going to be blunt with you, Spencer.”

“You haven’t been so far?”

Her lips compressed. “I do not feel you are right for my grandson.”

Neither do I. “You’ve already made that clear.”

“I do not feel you are up to par to be princess, queen, or even a wife to Theodore.”

“Nothing new so far.”

Her eye twitched. I don’t think she was used to being sassed back to.

“Theo is young and foolish, choosing with his heart instead of his head. Hearts never choose wisely; they choose the moment, not what’s best for the long-term. He will regret you.”

“But it will be his regret. His choice. Not yours.”

Her shoulders puffed up. I was sure no one had ever challenged her. She expected me to fold, crumble under her ruthless scrutiny and words. The Spencer before would have. But little did she know, I didn’t fold for anyone anymore, especially for the Royal House.

“I know you are hiding something. I can smell it,” she hissed loud enough for only me to hear. “I will find out what it is. If I can stop my grandson from making such a misstep in choosing you, I will.”

I picked up my glass, a smile curling my lips. “Here’s to your quest, then.”

Her lids narrowed, her head leaning back in shock and speculation.

“Now, if our getting to know each other talk is over, I’d like to enjoy the rest of my dinner.”

She gaped at me, stunned into utter silence.

Damn, that felt good. Twice tonight, I had stood up for myself to those trying to intimidate me. Bullies usually were the ones to crumble when they were challenged. Guess the mouse wasn’t ready to go down.

Cheering my glass in the air, I sipped far past what I was supposed to, winking at her when she gasped at my inappropriate behavior.

Her eyes lowered into slits, her mouth puckering before she huffed, completely turning away from me to the person on her other side, deliberately giving me her back—very much a sign I had been snubbed.

I grinned. Bloody hell, she hated me. But honestly, what did it matter? She was going to anyway, might as well make her really appreciate the next girl in Theo’s life.

“Darling.” Theo’s fingers dug into my inner thigh. “Are you being nice to Grannie?”

“Me being nice to her?” I sputtered. “I don’t think she needs any protection.”

“Spencer.” He eyed the wine glass I was still milking, leaning into my ear. “Enough.”

An order. A king telling his subject, a husband controlling his wife. A foreshadowing of what would have been our life, of me being forced to stay in the lines.

I shot him a look as I took one more sip before setting it back down. Fuck you. I shot him. I’m doing this for you.

You owe me. His narrowed lids countered. This mess is all your fault.

Maybe, but I’ve had my fill of being walked over.

“We are doing something special in the drawing room for dessert and coffee.” Paul spoke at the end of the long table, his light, pleasant voice a contradiction to the climate I sat in. “Your Majesty?” The table waited for the King to rise first. Most of us weren’t finished, but when the King was done, everyone was done.

Alexander and Catherine rose, the room responding in kind.

Scooting his chair back and rising, Theo leaned over and kissed me, acting like nothing but love was between us. “Let’s not fight,” he muttered against my mouth, pulling me up with him.

A forced cough behind me twisted my head enough to see Lennox, his glower drilling into Theo, which only made the prince smile wider.

“Your guard looks particularly red in the face. Maybe he’s coming down with something.” Theo threaded our hands together, pointing us for the doorway.

“A case of insufferable prince-itis,” Lennox growled under his breath.

Theo grinned widely. “Better than a deceitful, backstabbing friend and employee. Someone who steals other men’s women.”

“Can’t steal something that didn’t want to be taken,” Lennox knifed back.

“Oh, look at you two!” A woman’s voice cut over to us. It was instant, Theo and I clicking into our roles, smiling politely.

“Duchess Caroline.” Theo tipped his head at the old woman. “It’s so good to see you. Can I say you look remarkable?”

“Oh, such a charmer! Just like your father.” She swished her hand at him. “You two are such a beautiful couple. To see two people so in love, it does wonders for this old heart.” she gushed, pressing her hands into her chest.

My thin smile twisted tighter as Theo’s hand went to my bare back, staring at me with overdramatic moony eyes.

“Aren’t we, though?” He sighed, his thumb pushing into my spine. “I just can’t put into words what I feel about this girl.”

“Oh, darling, the feeling is mutual.” Thick honey poured from my lips.

“Young love,” Caroline sighed. “Your children are going to be so beautiful; I can already see it.”

“Spencer expressed to me she wants at least five or six straight away, didn’t you, my love?” He nudged me in the side when I didn’t answer.

“Mmmm-hmmm.” I clutched his hand so hard, he yanked it away with a yip.

Caroline’s forehead scrunched, but she kept her smile large, her attention drifting to the figure behind me, her happy manner shifting to that of a predator. “And who is this delicious specimen? Are you my dessert?”

“This is Spencer’s bodyguard, Lennox,” Theo spoke easily, not a note of anything but good feelings.

“My lady.” Lennox bowed to the woman, only causing her pallid skin to pink.

“I have it on good authority he has a thing for noblewomen,” Theo stage whispered to her with a wink, his arm coming around to my hip.

“Oh, such a tease!” She waved her hand again, but her hungry eyes flew to Lennox with a hopeful glint. “Well, I just want to congratulate you two. I will see you again at your Holiday party the day after tomorrow.” She started to turn, her gaze stopping. “I hope I will see you there too.” Her stare dropped down Lennox’s body hungrily. She let out a breathy exhale before waddling away.

Theo burst out laughing. In an instant, our fronts dropped away, turning on each other.

“You are such an arsehole,” Lennox spat.

“Is that how thieving employees address their employers?” Theo curved an eyebrow at him.

“No one stole me.” I shook free of his touch. “I am my own person.”

“Are you? Looks like you just bounced from one bed to another.”

Lennox lurched, but I stepped between them, getting in Theo’s face.

“What really hurts me is I know this isn’t you. And one day, I hope when you come out of this, you will see I did the right thing.”

“Right thing? By sleeping with my mate?”

I took a deep breath, controlling my temper. “I know what’s coming out of your mouth is because I hurt you. I hurt my friend deeply, and I will forever carry that with me. But there’s only so far I will take the lashings. You are making it very hard to remember the guy I used to love.”

“Love?” He huffed, a flicker of angry pain in his eyes. “You have no idea what it means.”

“I did love you, Theo.” I took his hand. He flinched but didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry it couldn’t be enough, that I wasn’t meant to be the woman standing next to you. But I’m not. Maybe not now, but someday you will know how right I am.”

“Whatever makes you feel better, Spencer.” He ripped his hand away. “All I know is the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with cheated on me, making me the fool down on one knee.”

He still didn’t get it. He was the one who made himself the fool. I ended things earlier, begged him to stop. But he put us on stage, forced me to act in a play I didn’t want to be cast in…and then blamed me.

“You know what? I need you to leave.” He stepped back, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“What?” I peered around at the still lively party. Hours of torture still lay ahead of us.

“I want you to go. Now.” He tried to hide the fury in his face but failed.

“My absence won’t be seen as some insult or embarrassment to you?” I tilted my head, condescension hinting at the edges.

“I will tell them you got a headache. I’m already giving my wife excuses. Blame it on the bombing. Just get away from me. Both of you.”

I stared at him.

“I don’t want to see you until the Royal party. After Christmas, this will be done, and we can go our separate ways. Finally.”

“What will you say? Why am I not staying in the palace?”

“I don’t know; I’ll figure it out. But don’t think anyone will actually be wondering or notice your absence in the house. The only one who did was Eloise. And I doubt she wants you around.”

Ouch. But most likely true. I blinked back the hurt, nodding my head. “Okay.”

“Why are you still here?” He scowled. “Go,” he barked, the smugness he held earlier was gone, like realized he was losing a game and no longer wanted to play.

“Spencer, come on.” Lennox’s hand touched my back, my body instantly responding to his touch, curving to him.

“Yes, obey the married twat, the one you chose over me,” he jeered, drinking the rest of the wine in his glass. This guy was new to me, someone I didn’t know how to deal with. As much as I still cared about him, I realized it was no longer my place to try.

I dipped my head, stepping back into Lennox’s palm.

“Go out the back,” Theo muttered, grabbing a half-empty bottle on the table and refilling his glass, not looking at us.

“Spence,” Lennox whispered in my ear, prodding me to move. I took a step, my eyes not leaving Theo, knowing I had done this to him. He used to be so happy—sweet and charming. Nothing fazed him. Now anger lit his eyes and hurt hung violently on his shoulders, his pain whipping off his tongue in hurtful lashes.

Lennox muttered into his earpiece, knowing exactly where to take us to get out privately. A car waited for us the moment we stepped out, ready to take us back to the palace. Cameras flashed at the tinted windows, the royal car noticed by the papzz, hoping to get a peek at who was inside, leaving early. A few even tried to follow us.

“You all right?” Lennox asked from his seat across from me, preferring the spot where he could see what was coming up behind us.

I dug my nails into my skin, trying not to cry. “I don’t even know anymore.” My sentence came out broken.

“Hey.” Lennox reached for me, his hands squeezing my knees. “We’ll get through this.”

“Will we?” I brushed quickly at an unshed tear. “Do you ever wonder if it’s all worth it? All this pain and agony I’m causing?”

“So, will you marry Theo out of guilt? Be in a loveless marriage full of resentment and jealousy, become queen, which I know you don’t want, go to endless events, in heels, all because it’s less complicated than to break it off?”

“It’s just so much. This would be hard enough if Theo were a normal guy. But I’m engaged to the Prince of Great Victoria. You think it will stop just because I end it with him? Unlinking myself from the house will be unbelievably bad.” My watery eyes looked up at Lennox. “But it won’t end there. You get that, right? This won’t end. The media already hounds me and shreds me into pieces. Can you imagine what they will say when our engagement ends? It doesn’t matter what comments the RH puts up. They will come after me. My family, friends, you. It will hit everyone I love. When they find out about us? Because they will. They will rip us open, spill all your secrets—Gracie and your sister. I’m scared that no matter what you feel right now, you won’t be able to get through that. That it will tear us apart. I will be your Theo…”

“Your Theo?”

I gulped, my throat thick. “Loving me won’t be enough.”

His eyes stayed trained on me for a moment before a smile hinted on his mouth, making me furrow in confusion. I just laid out my worst fear, and he was smiling?

“What?” I huffed.

“You think I’m in love with you?”

Oh, shite.

Fire stung my cheeks, drying out my throat. “No…I didn’t mean…oh, fuck. That came out wrong.” I babbled like the awkward idiot I was.

His smile showed fully on his face as he leaned over, cupping my cheeks. “Bloody hell, I love seeing you get all flustered and tongue-tied.” His forehead leaned into mine. “I was messing with you, Spence. You were freaking out, getting far ahead of yourself. We can only take on what’s in front of us. But yes, I know it will become a shite show. I’m not a fool; I understand what is coming. And I don’t care.”

“You don’t care?” I asked skeptically. “Really? Your past will be dragged through the mud. They will call you horrible things.”

“I know what my past is, what I did. I also know what really happened. Let them talk and speculate. All I care about is what you think.” He pressed his mouth to mine gently. “I’m not someone who can confess easily how I feel. I’ve only told two women in my life that. One was related to me, and both are dead now because of me.”

I flinched, feeling his pain like it was my own.

“So I probably won’t say it as much as you want, but if you think I’m here for just a bit of fun, luv, I can find a hell of a lot simpler than you pretty much anywhere else.”

“Hey, now.” I leaned back.

He chuckled, drawing me back to him. “I’m here, Spencer. To stay, if you want me. And I will have no problem showing you every day, many times, if you need me to.” He kissed me, his taste instantly calming and rallying my desire into a frenzy. “And you wonder if I ever thought if this was all worth it?”

A bad boy smile took the side of his face. “Fuck, yes, it is!”

Chapter 18

Waking up, our naked bodies tangled, pressed together like we both couldn’t be close enough. Every muscle in me ached, my skin still burning with the deliciousness of the night before, which continued into morning. My lids were heavy, but I couldn’t close them. My head lay on his shoulder, watching him sleep like some creepy stalker.

The morning sun glistened his eyelashes, streaking over his mouth and dark hair as he slept, his arm still tight around me, his palm curving on my arse. The need to reach out and touch him, slide my fingertips over his heavy scruff, through his hair, trace his lips, was strong. There wasn’t a place I didn’t want to touch him, discover him by touch alone. Not that we didn’t do a lot of that last night. Except there had been no tenderness then. The marks on his neck and shoulder displayed the severity of my hunger for him.

The moment we returned to the palace, we hopped in his car and drove back to his flat. Then I attacked him. He didn’t even get a chance to close the door before I was ripping off his jacket, needing to feel him over my skin. Dragging him into the shower to rid myself of the night, he sensed exactly what I needed, taking me roughly against the tile wall and then again when we returned to the bed. Wet, naked, and desperate for more, we couldn’t seem to find the “enough” line. The early part of the evening had been full of false smiles and fake happiness—a performance full of lies. With us, I wanted the barest of truth.

I clawed his skin to feel the realness, the primal honesty with every thrust. We marked skin, bruised, and became the most basic forms of us. Need. Desire. Fierce and pitiless. To the point neighbors were pounding on the walls for us to shut up, but it only drove us more.

My thighs clenched at the memory, growing an even bigger smile on my face. Lennox understood what I craved and wanted without a word. Sensing this girl needed it much dirtier and rougher than anyone would ever perceive from the future princess.

In our few times together, Theo was sweet, but a little self-absorbed. Him going “wild” still left me faking a smile, convincing myself it was enough.

Fecking hell…I had been wrong. So, so wrong. But now, after Lennox, I could never go back to good enough. This man melted my brain. Selfish he was not. My mind was still so mushy it couldn’t come up with a coherent sentence to describe what he did to me, so I just stared at him. All I knew was I was an addict and needed more.

I bit down on my lip, my eyes moving over his face. Bloody hell. He was so rugged and beautiful at the same time, it hurt to look at him.

“Stop staring at me, Spencer,” his deep voice growled, forcing my teeth to dig deeper into my bottom lip.

“I thought you were asleep.”

His lids stayed closed. “I was until I felt a creeper staring at me.” His fingers curled into my skin, lightly stroking my arse.

“It’s your fault, really.” Another smile broke over my face; everything in me felt light, like champagne bubbles, fizzing up with happiness. “You’re just so pretty.”

“Pretty?” One lid parted, peering at me with a scowl.

“So, so pretty.”

A growl formed deep in his chest, his arms sweeping me up, dragging my frame over his, hands sliding up to my jaw. A gasped laugh hiccupped from my lungs at the ease and quickness with which he could move me, laying me flat over his chest. The feel of him heavy and hot against my stomach had me parting my legs around his hips, holding back a moan in my throat.

“After last night, the first thing you can think of is pretty?” His hands knotted back in my hair, pulling my face closer to his. “Clearly, I did something wrong. Took it too easy on you.”

“Too easy?” I laughed. Easy was not even in the hemisphere of last night, but taunting him was my favorite thing to do. “Actually, it was pretty lackluster…” I shrugged a shoulder. “Had better.”

“Oh, fuck. You didn’t…” He laughed, but it contained a dark warning—one that frightened and excited me. A button I wanted to push and prod at. “You have no idea what you got yourself into.”

“Really?” I lifted an eyebrow.

“Really.” His grip in my hair turned almost painful, heating my body. He moved my face just a millimeter from his, holding it in place. “Because I did go easy on you. You have no idea what I can unleash.”

A staggered breath sucked in my nose.

He grinned wickedly, and my body reacted to his statement. My breath became labored, my nipples hardening against his chest as my core was practically screaming, bring it on.

“You like that?” He pushed up his hips, grinding against me in a slow drag.

“Oh, god, yes.” I tried to nod, but his grip on my hair only tightened. He continued to move against me, so slow and controlled, while I became needy and feral. “Lennox.” I moaned, biting my lip, trying to shift so I could get what I wanted, but he kept me in place, not allowing it.

“I’m going to torture you, Spencer, to the point you won’t recall anyone before me. Make you so desperate you are pleading with me.” His free hand ran sensually down my skin, tracing his old marks he left last night before moving down, caressing and discovering places that left me gasping, already whimpering with need. “Take you to the brink over and over, then deny you what you long for until I think you deserve it.” He rolled over on me, his hands and lips seizing me, heightening every nerve to the point of pain. He kept to his word, to the point my body was thrashing and fighting with need, my cries for him going from loud to ear-splitting. He sat back, grinning. “And this is me still going easy on you.”

“Remember when you said you don’t play sadistic games to get off?” I arched my back in search of his touch, relief only he could give me.

“I never said I wasn’t into them in bed.” He grunted, flipping me over on my stomach, his knees locking my hips in place as nipped down my spine. I clutched the pillow, my lungs expanding as his palms spread my cheeks, his mouth nipping at my inner thigh.

“Lennox,” I breathed, not sure what I was asking for, but my body trembled, my nails digging into the pillow.

“What, Spencer? What do you want?”

“You are a sick twisted bastard; you know that, right?”

He chuckled darkly. “Someone gets awfully cranky when denied an orgasm.”

“Bugger off, you masochistic arse.” I ground my jaw together as I felt his lips graze the back of my thigh, all the way up and stopping. “Revenge is a bitch, you know that? I will get you back.”

“I look forward to it.”

“Please.”

“Already throwing in the towel, huh? The same girl who was saying something about last night being lackluster?” He egged me on, both of us knowing it was the farthest thing from that. “You calling it?” His tongue flicked at my opening, my fingers kneading into the comforter.

“Yes. Yes. Okay, you win…please, Lennox.”

Strangely, I could feel him grin against me before he spread me wider, his tongue flattening against me, slipping up from my core, discovering places I never had anyone touch, nor thought I wanted. I was wrong. Pleasure so unbearable consumed me, a cry echoed off the walls as he went from controlled to wild in a blink at my response. His hands held me as he devoured me, nipping, licking, his tongue diving deeper, curving me up like a cat to my hands and knees.

“Lennox!” Demand. Order. He understood everything I wanted in one word. Grabbing my hands, he curved them around the coffee table right in front of the bed. Positioning himself behind me, he gripped my hips before I felt the tip of him. He plunged inside me, my body greedy and ready.

I cried out. Loud, almost vibrating as my body adjusted to him. I loved how he filled me, how he felt. My fingers dug into the wood as he thrust into me, going so deep I stopped breathing.

“Fuuucck…Spencer,” he hissed, his vocals straining, pounding deeper.

“God…harder!” My skin burned, my need limitless. His hands bruised my hips as he gave me what I asked for. I felt possessed, the intensity spinning everything from my head but sensation. Noise clipped my lungs and shredded any words that might have tried to come from my mouth into gibberish.

Bundling my locks in his fist, he yanked on them, shredding flames up my veins, my climax barreling toward me. Our movements became deeper and faster.

I bent farther over, which caused Lennox to swear, pounding in deeper. “Fuck, Spencer…I’m gonna come.” He let go of my hair, his hand coming around, rubbing me. I heard myself scream, but didn’t recall actually doing it, his touch plunging me over the cliff, my body gripping him like it never wanted to let go. I heard a roar shake the room. He slammed in so hard my eyes watered, my body only clamping down harder on him. He bellowed again, emptying himself in me, searing and claiming.

I left my body, like floating in a night sky.

His body pressed into mine, and our heavy breaths knocked into each other.

It took a few moments to come back to myself, to feel my feet tether back to the earth. Sex was always fun and enjoyable, but this…holy hell.

“Jesus.” Lennox’s forehead pressed into my back while he gulped for air, his lips softly kissing my spine. “I think I went blind.”

I still couldn’t move, the intensity of it all leaving me speechless.

“Hey, you all right?” Lennox rumbled in my ear, his breaths still heavy and frantic. He pulled out, my body instantly wanting him back. “You’re trembling.”

I took another deep breath, unhinging my grip on the coffee table, my nails leaving small indentions in the wood. Lennox pulled me back into his warm body.

“I think you shattered me.” I fell back into him with a laugh, his arms wrapping around me.

He nuzzled against my ear. “So you’re admitting defeat, then? That was easy. Didn’t think you’d crumble so fast.”

“Ohhhh.” He knew exactly what to say to rally me. Challenge me. My lids narrowed, curving my head to look up at him. “I know how fragile male egos are. I wanted you to feel better about yourself.” I pulled away, flopping back on the pillow, my gaze running over his body. Bruises, bite marks, and scratches over his skin like a calling card. Mine.

“So, I didn’t break you?”

“Not even close.” I grinned.

His hand moved down to my hipbone, his thumb softy rubbing at the fingerprint marks he left there. “Bruised and bent maybe, but not broken. I’m sorry, does it hurt?” A flinch of worry flicked his brow.

“I’m not fragile, proper, or sweet, especially when it comes to you. I like it.” I crawled back up to him, finding teeth marks on his arm from me, my lips brushing over them. “I can take whatever you throw at me.” I licked the spot, finding another on his chest. “I don’t want you to ever hold back with me, inside or outside the bedroom. And I won’t either. Always real between us.”

His eyes tracked me as I kissed his skin.

“I like these on you.” I moved in front of him on the bed, my hand gliding up his thigh to a bite mark on his hip. “You know why?”

“Because you’re a biter?” he replied huskily.

“Because I want any girl who looks at you to know you are mine.”

A slow wolfish smile curved his mouth. “Same.”

Suddenly I was on my back, his body covering mine as his mouth claimed me, hungry and possessive. Even after the most mind-blowing sex that should’ve had me sleeping for days, his kiss already had me wrapping my legs around him. The feeling of him growing hard fed the insatiable fire in me.

“Why can I not get enough of you?” His mouth devoured me. Taking. Demanding. And I only responded with my own. There was no teasing or foreplay as he slipped into me again. Eyes locked on each other, our sweaty bodies moving together in such deep long strokes, I already felt my orgasm building. Our connection going so deep, layering the intensity. This was more than shagging. This was powerful. Intense. Emotional.

Grabbing my arms and pinning them above my head, he thrust in deeper, his gaze drilling into me with such intensity, I could explode from his stare alone.

“Oh god…yes,” I moaned, and his mouth took one of my breasts, sucking and flicking his tongue. “Lennox…” My orgasm burned up the back of my legs, blurring the edges of my vision. And I knew the intensity was going to consume me in an obliterating burst.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

“Lennox?” A man’s voice hollered through the door. “Open up.”

“Fuck,” he hissed, his features squeezing with frustration, but his body still drove into mine, like he couldn’t stop. “Shite.” He grunted, driving in harder into me.

I was so close, the need too strong. My hands clamped down on his firm arse, pushing him into me, meeting his hips with mine, not caring if they burst through the door.

“Lennox!” Boom. Boom. “I know you’re there.” This time I recognized the voice. Arthur.

“Arthur, maybe he’s still sleeping.” A woman’s voice spoke. “We can come back later.”

Oh no. Mary. I knew it in my gut—Gracie’s mother.

“Jesus. Christ.” Lennox squeezed his lids together tightly, not stopping, his hips pumping, ramming me up into a side table.

“Open up, boy! I hear movement in there.”

“Hold on,” he gritted through his teeth. My vision blanked at the edges, my body starting to spasm around him, feeling such utter bliss, I couldn’t care who was around me. My lips parted, a cry splintering over my tongue. His hand came down over my mouth, covering it as he rocked harder, his strokes rapid, his veins popping from his neck.

“Shite. Shite,” he whispered hoarsely, slamming into me. My spine bowed, my climax crashing into me like an avalanche, and a cry I couldn’t control ballooned from me. I bit down on his hand to stifle it, my teeth sawing into his palm.

“Oh, fuck.” Lennox bowed back, pushing even harder into me, spreading another zing through my veins, my body taking all it could from his. Wave after wave rolled within me as Lennox released inside me. My hips continued to buck a few more times before I felt my body loosen around him. He slumped on to me, our muscles completely limp.

“What’s taking so long, boy? You don’t have to get pretty for us.”

“Fucking timing, Art. I’m busy fucking my girlfriend,” he muttered angrily before yelling at the door. Girlfriend? “Give me a bloody moment.” He switched to me, speaking against my lips. “I’m still balls deep in my girl.”

Jesus, what was wrong with me? Why did that turn me on so much?

He kissed me, ending it as soon as it started, but left me panting, my body still not recovered from this last orgasm. I didn’t think it was possible to have so many, back to back like that, but there were a lot of things Lennox was showing me were possible with him.

Sighing, he crawled off me, snatching up a pair of jeans and shirt that were left on the chair, pulling them up.

I slipped out of the bed, darting for the toilet. I swept up some of the clothes strung about on the floor from the night before.

Knock.

“I’m coming!” Lennox yelled, but he trailed after me to the bathroom. I was okay with locking the door and staying here until they left.

I swear Lennox could read my mind, stalking after me.

“Spencer? You’re not hiding in here. We’re not hiding.”

“This is not the time.” I held up the party dress with a frown, the fabric ripped, wrinkled, and dirty. “Go. They are waiting for you. I’ll stay in here.”

“Arthur already knows.”

“He wasn’t terribly thrilled about me. What if he hasn’t told Mary? Can you imagine how she will feel seeing me here?”

“You won’t be my dirty little secret. I’m done hiding and no longer living.”

“Jesus, Lennox! This is a bit harsh, don’t you think? Do you really want to introduce Gracie’s mother to me with your cum running down my leg?” I hissed, motioning down.

“Bleeding hell,” he sputtered. “Jesus, Spencer.” A laugh choked up, his head shaking. “I really can’t predict what’s going to come out of your mouth.”

“Good.” I shoved him. “Now go. At least let me get cleaned up a little, okay?”

“The door right there connects to my walk-in wardrobe.” He flicked his chin to the door on the other side of the modern toilet, walking backward to the threshold. “I think they’ll know someone’s here anyway. This place reeks of it.” He winked, shutting the door.

A few moments later, the sound of the front door opening and voices found me through the thin door. Hearing the sweet, timid voice of Gracie’s mother had me leaning on the counter with a sigh. This was going to be awful. But sadly, this was the least of what was ahead of Lennox and me. If we really wanted something between us, we had to start facing all the people wanting other things for us.

The pain, agony, and heartbreak we were going to cause. Would it all be worth it?

Staring at myself, my gaze roaming over my bare skin, spotting all the places Lennox claimed me as his, a cheeky smile inched up my face.

Fuck, yeah, it would be.

Chapter 19

Jumping quickly in and out of the shower, I found a pair of sweats, which I had to fold over several times to keep on my hips, and a worn black t-shirt of his. I brushed my hair with my fingers, staring at my flushed cheeks, knowing even though all the proof of him was covered up, it still didn’t camouflage what I was feeling—what he had done to my body even with them standing at the door.

“Let’s go, Spence.” I blew out, nerves dancing in my stomach as I opened the door. Voices skated to me instantly, stopping me in the doorway, where I was mostly hidden from view.

Arthur and a short, curvy woman stood with their backs to me as Lennox faced them, his arms crossed, his jaw clenched.

“I can’t believe you,” Arthur hissed, his finger pointing at Lennox. “After all we’ve done for you, what Mary has. She’s treated you like a son, and this is how you repay us? Break her heart?”

“You know how much I care about you guys, but you have no say in my life. I’m sorry if this has hurt you, but you are in my flat, coming over to my place uninvited.”

A noise hit my ears, and I realized it was Mary…sobbing quietly.

Oh. God. Guilt and shame stomped down on my shoulders, bowing them.

“Shhh…Mary, it’s all right.” Arthur put his arm on her.

Agony flinched Lennox’s expression, his hand rubbing at his face.

“This is not how I wanted this to go.” He shook his head. “The last thing I wanted to do was cause either of you more pain.”

“What did you expect?” Arthur volleyed at Lennox. “We come over here to spend time with our son-in-law only to find him shagging a little trollop!”

“Hey.” Lennox stepped up, his chin jerking. “Don’t you dare refer to her like that.”

“Oh, blimey…” Arthur’s hand went to his mouth. “It’s her, isn’t it? You couldn’t let that one be.”

“Who?” Mary’s voice cracked through, sounding stronger and deeper than I imagined. Her head turned back and forth between her husband and son-in-law. She had a weathered, round face with dominant cheekbones. Her grey-blonde hair was short with large frizzy curls. She wore a long flowery dress, a dark beige coat, and loafers, like she dressed up for a visit to the city. “Who are you talking about?”

Arthur clearly didn’t tell her about his last visit here.

“You are a blooming fool.” Arthur shook his head. “How do you think this will end?”

“What? Someone talk to me!” Mary huffed, stomping a foot. “Tell me what is going on. Who are you referring to?”

“Me.” My mouth opened to my utter horror, my mind scrambling to stuff the words back in and hide deeper in the shadows. Instead, I moved forward, holding my chin steady under the snap of heads turning to me, their focus landing on me like laser beams. “They are talking about me.”

Mary’s gaze went over me. I could see it clicking.

3…2…1…

“Oh, my goodness!” Her hand went to her mouth in a startled gasp, recognition setting in. “You-you’re…”

“Spencer.” I went right up to her, locking into every bit of etiquette training I had, trying to fight the need to flee. “Mary, right?” Her head bobbed absently, her gaze wide and stunned, like she ran into the Queen and King themselves. “It’s nice to meet you.”

She didn’t respond, her wild and puzzled gaze going instead to Lennox then to her husband. “I-I don’t understand.” She shook her head, watching me move to Lennox’s side, her eyes rolling over my outfit. His clothes. “The future princess…what-what is she doing here?” Her throat bobbed, maybe sensing the truth, but still clinging to hope, to the notion, there was a good explanation for my presence.

Hope was such a powerful thing. It could make you ignore the rumpled sheets, mussed hair, early hour, the clothes still on the floor I didn’t get, me wearing Lennox’s clothes, the thickness in the air. It could make you deny everything you saw in order to keep your safe bubble whole.

“She’s the trollop, Mary.”

“Hey,” I quipped.

“Enough,” Lennox growled under his breath, the threat vibrating the room.

“I still don’t understand.” She blinked, her hand moving to her throat, still speaking about me like I wasn’t actually here. “She’s engaged to the prince…she will be our princess.”

“Not yet.”

“Not ever.” Lennox hooked his arms over his chest, snarling at my reply.

Mary’s attention went over the evidence again, and I watched hope dwindle from Mary’s eyes, pain and anger filling up her irises like a bathtub. “I-I can’t believe this…” She shook her head, her expression crunching in grief. Arthur jumped to her side, rubbing her back.

“I didn’t want you to find out about this. I was hoping he would end it, see how foolish he was being.”

“You knew?” She peered at her husband, hurt furrowing her eyebrows. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“You didn’t need to know. He was supposed to get it out of his system, come to his senses.”

“I can’t believe this…she’s engaged.” She stared down at the floor, lost in her head.

“And he’s married.” Arthur snapped to us, anger lowering his lids. “Don’t either of you have any self-respect? Any regard for the relationship you promised yourself to? Do you care about anyone but yourselves?” Arthur puffed. “I’ve never met two people more selfish, cruel, and dishonest.”

“Enough.”

“You have a wife! But here you are, destroying those vows you spoke to my angel, for a woman who is engaged to be married to another man!”

“Stop.”

“Why? Does the truth hurt, my boy? Was it a lie when you looked Gracie in the eyes and said till death do us part? How quickly you tossed her away for another.”

“I. Said. Enough!” Lennox bellowed, startling the entire room into silence. Even the air held its breath. “Quickly? She’s been in a coma for two years.” He seethed. “And truth, Arthur? You want the truth?”

“Lennox, no.” Mary shook her head, reaching for him, but Lennox was already locked on his father-in-law.

“You’re the one who can’t face the truth!”

“Me?” Arthur pointed at himself. “I see just fine.” He glowered at me, returning to Lennox.

“You live in a world built of lies, a bubble you’ve convinced yourself is real. But you know, deep down, that it isn’t. It’s all a mirage. That’s what terrifies you so much.”

“Lennox…” Mary tried again, a desperation on her face I didn’t understand.

“I shouldn’t have married Gracie. I know that now. And I hate I was weak, searching for anything to hold on to. She was my best friend, and I let myself believe it was enough. It kills me I didn’t love her like I should have…like she deserved. I wanted to. So badly. So I stayed. And I would have forever if that was our story. I wanted nothing but her happiness, but her happiness wasn’t mine to control. She was unwell, but neither of you ever wanted to face the fact she wasn’t perfect, pretending her depression wasn’t real. I held on to the guilt for not being there when she lost the baby…” A crack broke his sentence, the grief hunching him. “I will carry that with me forever. I know you blame me, that my absence was the cause, tossing it in my face whenever you can. But nothing you could say or do could match the punishment I’ve put myself through. I’ve lived years stuck in hell. I probably would still be there.” His hazel gaze flicked to me, then away, swallowing. “I can’t do this anymore, living like I’m just biding time until I join Gracie.”

“You bastard!” Arthur’s shoved at Lennox’s chest. “Don’t talk about her like that!”

“Like what, Arthur?” Lennox shouted back, letting Arthur push at him. “Like she’s dead?”

“Oh, no.” Mary whimpered, her hand going into her head.

“What. Did. You. Say?” Arthur stiffened to the point I thought he’d snap in half.

“She’s gone.” Lennox spit out each word in heavy chunks, landing heavily at Arthur’s feet. “You need to accept that. Every doctor and specialist out there has told you the same! She’s dead, Arthur. Let. Gracie. Go.”

“Fuck you!” Arthur swung at Lennox. He didn’t move, letting Arthur land the hit, not trying to fight the older man.

“Arthur! Stop!” Mary leapt for him, grappling for her husband as Arthur punched at Lennox again. Oh, hell no. Pure instinct lurched me at Arthur, shoving him off Lennox, the need to protect him controlling my thoughts and actions.

“Fuck! Spencer.” Lennox picked me up as I still pushed and snarled at Arthur, looking like a hissing cat, moving me out of harm’s way. “Stop. What are you doing?” His arms wrapped around me, moving me away from any danger.

“Arthur!” Mary’s voice sliced through the room, a butcher’s knife severing his attention on Lennox back to her. “Stop this nonsense now!”

“But…”

“No,” she snapped, taking over control in a blink. “Apologize to Lennox.”

“What?” Arthur screeched, his eyes wide. “Apologize? For what? For striking him?”

“Not for hitting him, for everything else. As I need to…”

“Wha-what? I don’t understand.” Arthur watched her in confusion as she dug a tissue out of her handbag, tapping at her eyes.

“We have been the selfish, cruel ones, Arthur.” Her head dipped as she tried to retain her emotions. “She would be so upset with us.” A sob broke from her throat, and she turned slightly away, not wanting us to see her totally lose it.

“Mary…” Arthur took a step to her.

“No.” She batted him away. “This needs to finally be said. You and I need to face the truth. Just like she would want us to.”

Arthur swallowed, his jaw straining.

Mary dabbed at her eyes again. “I am sorry, Lennox.” She kept her head bowed. “For what we have put you through, forced upon you, so we could continue on, not thinking for a moment how this all might affect you. How we forced this role on you because it fit the world we wanted to keep alive, that Gracie would wake up, and all would be perfect again.”

“There’s still that chance.” Arthur touched her arm.

“No, Arthur.” She tugged away from him. “There’s not. There never has been. Not one person, not the dozens of doctors and specialists we have had examine her, believes that, not even me anymore. It’s only you who keeps this lie we have built our lives around going.”

“Me?” He jabbed at himself. “I’m sorry I have hope our baby girl will come back to us.”

“Stop.” Mary pinched her quivering lips together. “Stop with the passive-aggressive guilt, like you are the only one who loves her, who wants the best for her. You know I’d give anything to have Gracie back. Any-thing.” Half the word was a whisper as she tapped at her chest like it was breaking in half. “But we don’t have that choice. And I’m tired. I’m tired of living like this. And I know in my gut Gracie is too. She wants us to let her go, Art. She wants peace.”

A choking sob buckled up Arthur’s chest. “No. I-I can’t. She’s our baby.”

My throat squeezed at hearing the devastating grief in his tone. It was like he was finally letting the façade fall, and he might go with it.

“I know, but we have to.” Mary moved to him, tears sliding down her face. “Not just for Gracie, but for us. And especially for Lennox. Being here really woke me up, made me see…it’s not right to force him to live in purgatory. He’s so young and has so much life ahead of him. How dare we take it away from him? He deserves to fall in love and have a family of his own. It’s not fair for us not to let him have that chance because we are too selfish and greedy, holding on to him because he’s the last tie to Gracie. Gracie wouldn’t want that, and you know it. She’d be furious at us. She was the one who didn’t have a selfish bone in her body. We should do as she would want, not what we do. We need to let her go, Art.”

Arthur bent over, his body shaking with sobs. Mary wrapped her arms around him, his head falling into her neck, his legs barely holding him up as she stood as his pillar. “Our baby girl…” He wept into her, her arms tightening around him, her own tears streaming in heart-wrenching grief.

I could feel warm liquid spilling down my cheeks, watching their anguish.

Art and Mary parted, and without a word, Mary walked up to Lennox. Going on her toes, she wrapped her arms around him. A woeful noise huffed from Lennox as he embraced Mary, holding her like a part of his world had fallen apart. And I had no doubt it did. They had been holding on to this lie for so long, and it wasn’t something you could just let go of. They were still family, and to accept this meant they would be losing Gracie all over again.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Me too.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” They stayed clinging to each other for a long time, Lennox letting go of the some of the guilt and grief he held, the weight so tangible I swear I could see it lift off him.

Finally, she pulled back, kissing his cheek, and turned to me. She smiled, her fingers squeezing my hand, but her gaze flittered away quickly, not fully ready to deal with the idea of me.

“I left you scones.” She nodded at the counter then circled for the door. “Let’s go, Art.”

Arthur scowled at Lennox, not even looking at me before stomping for the exit, their relationship not as easily shifting. There still existed too much blame and stubbornness on each side.

The door clicked behind them, and we both stared at the empty doorway in silence. Tension and sadness drooped the air in heavy tiers, Lennox about to splinter off into heartache.

“Fuck…that was a lot before coffee.” I blinked, my mouth opening, spewing out my awkwardness in a huff.

There was a beat.

Then laughter—deep, booming, from the belly kind of laughter. Lennox leaned over his legs, his head wagging. “Bloody hell, Spencer.” He howled, his sorrow and amusement tangling up into one.

In the deepest misery, laughter helped you survive.

He sucked in a deep breath and straightened up, grabbing my hips, drawing me to him. “Thank you.” His gaze scoured mine.

“For what?”

“For being you.” His fingers tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “For always being exactly what I need.”

“I thought you were going to thank me for defending your honor. He was going to kick your arse. I saved you.”

He chuckled, his eyes lighting up. “Like a feisty kitten.”

“Hey. I’m more bad arse than that.”

“Have you messed with a feisty kitten before?” His eyebrow tipped up. “Vicious little things. Tear you up. I wouldn’t mess with them. The biggest dogs run for cover, whimpering.”

“Damn right.”

He grinned, kissing me, drawing me into his arms, hugging me so tight my bones cracked, but I loved it, feeling like I was home here.

He sighed, leaning back. “I need to get out of here. Get some air.” He cupped my face. “Not deal with all this bullshite for a moment.”

“I can’t handle any people today, and they’re out there.” I motioned to the window. “Everywhere.”

“I have an idea. Get dressed.” He slapped my rear, stepping back as he pulled out his mobile, tapping at the screen.

“I have no clothes.”

“Right.” He winked. “Did we forget those last night?”

In such a hurry to get back here, I forgot to grab extra clothes from my room at the palace.

“That works for me.” He nodded at what I was wearing, still tapping at his cell. “You know I prefer you in my stuff.”

“What are you doing?” I lowered my lids on him texting someone.

“Surprise.” He stared at his screen, and a beep came from it, causing a smile to stretch his mouth. “Brilliant. It’s all set.”

“Should I be worried?”

“Normally, I’d say yes, but I think you will like this,” he replied, moving past me.

Reaching out, I grabbed his arm, going serious. “Hey, you all right?”

“No,” he spoke softly. “I need some time to process all of this. I just want a day of not thinking or having some epic life-changing event happening.”

I nodded, completely understanding. I needed it too.

His lips brushed my temple. “Gonna jump in the shower, and then we can head out.” He turned, walking backward, holding out his arms. “Unless you’d like to join me.”

“Hmmmm.” I tapped at my lip. “I don’t know.”

His gaze became fire against my skin.

“I’ll get you coffee after.”

I ran after him, squealing as he grabbed me, tossing me over his shoulder, marching us to the shower.

I knew he needed time to let what was said and confessed set in. It was a lot, and unfortunately, because of me, it was only a smidgeon of the ticking bomb waiting to erupt under our feet.

This time he couldn’t save me, couldn’t hide us in a cupboard.

This time we might not make it out.

Chapter 20

I knew instantly what my surprise was when Lennox’s Rover turned down a private road. Excitement ballooned in my chest before it was popped by a needle of fear. The place was swarming with eyes and loyalty.

“Lennox?” My worry rang in my voice like a chime.

“We’re not doing anything any of those people will blink at. They aren’t trained to ask questions.” He slowed the car at the guard post. “All they see is their future princess who loves to ride coming here to enjoy an afternoon, and of course, her sexy bodyguard would be there to protect and watch over every inch of her body to make sure it stays safe.” His eyes slid to mine as his window lowered, spearing my lungs, and staining my skin like red wine. Without missing a beat, he turned to them, showing them his badge.

The young guard took it, his eyes going over it, while other guards moved around the car, looking underneath and in the back. Not even a flinch in my direction before the first guard dipped his head, opening the gates to let us in.

“See?” He lifted one eyebrow, the car rolling down the paved road. “No one knows anything. Remember, most of the world looks no deeper than the surface, not noticing the cracks in the foundation.”

He curved the SUV through some trees, the tops of the royal stables coming into view. Seeing them burst joy from my chest, and I let loose an excited squeal like children seeing their presents at Christmas. My heartbeat picked up, pumping with veins with a feeling I didn’t realize how much I had been missing until I was there.

“I know you haven’t had a chance to ride since the last time. Figured riding horses all day, no matter how bloody cold it is, was far better than being around people.”

My hands went to my mouth, my eyes filling with tears when I spotted horses being exercised. A desperate need clawed at my chest, wanting to jump out of the car and run to them. That piece of me I put away to deal with the Royal House came flaring back up. Being with animals filled such a deep place in my soul, I couldn’t believe I let myself go so long without being around them.

Lennox parked the car, peering at me. “Well? You want to ride, Duchess?”

My gaze shifted to Lennox, my pupils hazing with more emotion. “You brought me here.” He knew me. Understood me better than anyone, probably even myself. I hadn’t realized the void within until I was here, the smells of musky hay, manure, and animal already slipping into the car, making me giddy and comforted at the same time.

He stared at me, a tiny smirk on his lips.

Impulse moved me over to him, my mouth capturing his, my tongue curling around his, kissing him with everything I was feeling. Gratitude. Lust. Joy. And most of all, love. Feck…I was so crazy in love with him, it petrified me.

“Damn,” he murmured as I pulled away, his breath accelerated, his fingers tangling through the ends of my hair.

“Thank you,” I muttered against his lips.

“If I knew I would have gotten that response, I would have brought you back weeks ago.”

“Weeks ago, you would have gotten a verbal thank you, but bringing me today?”

“What?”

“Let’s just say it won’t be verbal,” I teased, grabbing the door, I climbed out, smiling coyly at him.

A growly noise ruffled the air, his hand running through his hair as he leaned his head back into the headrest. “Spencer…”

I winked, shutting the door, the icy December air instantly snapping at my face and seeping through the layers I had on. All borrowed and huge, but they smelled like him, making me want to wear his stuff from now on, no matter the occasion. His t-shirt with a belt and heels for the Holiday party? I’m sure that would be fine.

Pulling at his coat sleeves, I tucked my fingers inside, the cold air billowing from my lips as I drew in a deep breath. My shoulders eased down, my lids shutting as I felt the sun hazily reaching down to my face, taking in the smell of dirt, hay, and horses. Peace. Happiness.

I heard Lennox get out of the car, feeling his gaze on me, but he stayed quiet, letting me have my moment. Finally, I pried my lids apart, a smile on my face.

“Ready?” He held out his hand for me. Without thinking, I took it, letting him lead me to the horse stables.

A smile hurting my face, my feet practically skipping, my jubilant mood came to a sudden crashing halt as a figure came out of the barn.

Oh, feck.

Katy.

Looking as pretty and wholesome as I remembered, she was wearing almost the same outfit of khaki breeches and riding boots. This time she had on a heavier jacket and red scarf. Her long brown hair swinging from her ponytail, an elated grin spread across her mouth and glinted her eyes. Her bursting giddiness locked on Lennox. But quickly, her gaze shifted to me, to our hands, which we both immediately let go of, stepping a bit apart.

It was too late.

The smile wilted like a flower set on fire. The glint turned to fire and ash, singeing with shock, jealousy, and animosity.

Bloody hell.

She slapped on her mask, setting her features to neutral.

“Katy. Thanks for doing this. I know you guys are busy getting ready for the holiday parade.” His smile went right over her petite head, her gaze still darting back and forth between us, her muscles fighting so hard to reset her face into a serene expression.

“I was happy to hear from you,” she replied stiffly, her eyes finally landing on his, a speck of pain and longing coloring them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were bringing anyone.”

I groaned inside. He didn’t tell her I was coming. She probably thought he was coming to see her.

“Sorry, I thought when I asked if two horses were available to ride…” Lennox drifted off, realization finally clicking in.

Guys.

“Yes, well…I thought…” She swallowed, rolling her shoulders back. Her attention flicked to me, her jaw twitching. She lowered her voice, but not enough for only Lennox to hear her. “After…that night.”

My jaw clamped down, and a strange need to growl and move to him like some possessive animal had my head jerking with shock. Where the hell did that come from?

Lennox’s eye twitched to me, knowing he was in a predicament. He was standing between two girls he’d slept with: one he didn’t want and one he couldn’t claim.

Swallowing back my jealousy, I grinned to myself. “It’s clear you two need to be alone…I’ll just…” I motioned for the barn. “I don’t want to be in the way…third wheel and all.” I backpedaled past Katy, smirking at Lennox.

“Spencer.” He glowered at me, telling me to get my arse back promptly. A mischievous smile was my reply as I strolled into the barn, the overwhelming stench of hay warming my insides as I bounced up to my old friend. “Penny.”

She bayed, flicking her gorgeous black mane, stomping her foot at seeing me. My palm slid over her silky coat, her nose nuzzling me, demanding more rubs.

“God, I’ve missed you.” I scratched her head, sniffing at her like people do with babies. I could stay here all day, forget the rest of the world.

“Looks like she missed you too.” Lennox came behind me, reaching over and stroking her forehead, his body far too close, pressing heat into me. Biting my lip, my body responded automatically, while my head screamed to stop, to move away from each other.

Lennox got it at the same time, his shoes sliding back over the straw, putting space between us.

“Is Penny free to go out?” I craned my neck to see Katy standing there staring at us, her expression stone, making me swallow nervously.

This was bad. Lennox and I couldn’t even try to hide it. We headed to each other like magnets; our movements around each other were too familiar, intimate.

“Yes. I had her ready for m—” For me. She folded her arms, looking absently at the objects positioned on the ground.

It took me a moment to really observe, my chest twisting with a mix of jealousy and sadness. Everything was set out for two riders, for an intimate picnic: blanket, port, crackers, cheese, and a thermos most likely full of tea.

“Thunder is saddled for you,” she said to Lennox, strain tearing at her vocals. She cleared her throat, motioning to the horse down the row.

Hearing his name, Thunder stuck his head out, snorting and tossing his head excitedly as Lennox strolled up. “Hey, old buddy.” He scrubbed the white stripe down his nose. “You ready to ride?”

Thunder stomped his foot, pushing against the stall door, huffing out his eagerness.

“I pulled out some riding boots for you.” Katy pointed at a pair of men’s boots against the wall. “I don’t think we have any for you, my lady.” Crisp. Cold. “If I’d known you were coming…”

At thirty-something, Katy didn’t come across as bitchy or immature in her reaction to me. She had learned the technique of subtly slamming someone, reminding me so much of Theo’s Grannie.

I wanted to hate her, but who could blame her for wanting Lennox as her own? For hoping she had a chance? Especially after sex with that man…bleeding hell…I’m surprised she hadn’t challenged me to a duel yet.

“Thank you, Katy.” I could hear the tension in his voice. “I hope this didn’t mess up your day.”

“No. No.” Her smile was so forced and thin, it hurt to look at. “I have so much work to do. Like you said, the parade is taking up all my time.”

Lies. She broke in the new horses, none of them would be near the parade.

Lennox moved to grab his boots, pausing at an open tack room.

“Hey, I’m sure one of those might fit you.” Lennox pointed into the room.

Peering around, I spotted a row of riding boots. Every size, men’s and women’s, lined up in order along the wall, plus extra breeches, jackets, and hats.

“Oh, right. Forgot those were in there.” Katy tapped at her head like she had totally lost the plot.

Sure. I looked at her, meeting her straight in the eyes. She watched me back.

And the duel was laid down, though I wasn’t supposed to be fighting for Lennox. I was still technically engaged to the prince. No one could know about Theo and me. Yet.

Withdrawing, I forced my eyes down in defeat, heading for the tack room. Lennox’s baggy sweats were barely staying on, so I borrowed some pants. I dressed in the tight trousers and boots, keeping his jacket and shirt on top.

By the time I got out, the two horses had been taken outside, saddled and ready to go. The horses pranced and huffed, ready to be let free.

“I tried calling you.” Her voice stopped me just inside the barn, the shadows hiding me.

“I know.”

“So…you did get them,” she added softly.

“Katy,” he sighed.

“Why did you bring her here?”

“It’s my job. I’m her bodyguard.”

“Your job? To take the future princess on private riding lessons?”

“She doesn’t need lessons. She could give them. I’m only along for the ride.”

A pause.

“There’s nothing going on with her, is there?”

“What?”

“Because that would be incredibly—”

“This has nothing to do with her.” He cut her off. “I told you from the start; I wasn’t looking for a relationship. My life is extremely complicated.”

“I don’t care. I’m not a schoolgirl, Lennox. I don’t need us to go steady. I thought we had a really good time that night. I would like to keep it going…”

Over my dead body.

“Katy, that night, I was trolleyed. I was in a bad place and wasn’t thinking clearly. I am sorry.”

“Don’t,” she hissed. “Don’t say it was a mistake because we both know it wasn’t. And you were perfectly sober the next morning when you shagged me on the breakfast table.”

Bile burned up my throat, my skin flushing cold and hot. How many times had I heard girls at school or gossip through the media about some model talking about Theo in bed? Never bothered me. I couldn’t even say why it didn’t, but I would just laugh with a shrug, letting them lash their insecurity and jealousy at me.

But hearing Katy, seeing Hazel, I turned into that hissing kitten—right after wanting to throw up.

“All I can say is I’m sorry. It happened, but it won’t again.” He spoke with an authoritative tone—an end to the conversation.

“Why?” She did not get the memo. “I really like you, and I think you’re keen on me. That’s why I thought you were ringing me up. To see me. To pick up where we left off. Why does it have to stop?”

Because of me.

I had enough, listening to her beg my man for sex. I dragged my feet, making extra noise, and both their heads snapped to my arrival. Lennox finding my eyes, I forced a fake smile on my face, traveling to Penny.

By a simple exhale, I knew he knew I overheard everything.

Yeah, mate, you will pay for that one.

Mounting the horse, I took the reins, settling into the saddle. Lennox followed my lead, climbing onto Thunder.

“I can grab the thermos if you want. It’s cold.” Funny she wasn’t offering the blanket you’d make love on or the port she’d lower your inhibitions with.

“What’s in it?” I asked.

“Tea.”

Of course.

“We’re good,” Lennox replied as my heels tucked into Penny’s flanks, spurring her forward with an energized leap, her hooves grinding into the ground as we took off, galloping across the rolling terrain.

The moment the wind blasted across my face, the sound of the saddle creaking, her snorts as she gained speed, every bad feeling washed off my skin, the breeze sweeping it away like a broom. Joy burst through my limbs, and I felt something I hadn’t had in a long time.

Freedom.

Time no longer mattered as Lennox and I traded off leading and chasing each other across the private acres. Hours passed with us crashing through streams, trotting down into gullies, galloping over wide-open spaces, Thunder and Penny Dreadful enjoying the game as much as us. Laughter bubbled freely from me, a smile never leaving my face. It wasn’t until the sun hit the rooftops of the stables, popping over the tree line, did I slow down. Real life was on the horizon.

“You okay?” Thunder moved up alongside me, Lennox looking over at me.

“Yeah.” I stared off. “I’m just not ready.”

He glanced ahead, nodding in understanding. This felt like our last moment of peace before it all rained down on us.

“This was perfect. Thank you.” I peered at him. Bloody hell, he was sexy on a horse. The way his hips moved along with Thunder’s steps was so confident. Sensual.

I bit on my lip. “So, just the one time, huh?”

“Knew that was coming. Sitting on it all day, weren’t you?” He rubbed the back of his neck, sighing, stopping Thunder. I halted along with him. “You can’t be mad; we weren’t together.”

“I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?” He scoffed, not believing me.

“Does hearing and seeing your past sexual partners talk about you in bed make me want to be sick on these borrowed boots and turn into a scary feral kitten? Hell, yes. But I’m not mad.”

He sucked in. “I’m okay with you turning feral.”

“I’ll bet.” I laughed.

“You fighting for me, even against Arthur, was sexy as hell…though I vote for a catfight between you, Katy, and Hazel.

“Dream on.” I snorted.

“Already did. Many nights.” He winked back at me.

“You fantasized about me, Hazel, and Katy fighting over you?”

“Fuck, yes.” He grinned mischievously, leaning in closer to me. “But there was always one who came out on top.”

“And who would that be?” My mouth brushed his. “And before you answer that, remember I can turn into a clawing, biting, monster in an instant.”

“You say it like it’s going to deter me.” He breathed against my mouth. “Sounds bloody hot.”

I moved to kiss him, but he shifted, keeping me a breath away, toying with me, making me absolutely crazy.

An evil smile pulled on my lips as I sat back, swinging my leg over, sliding off Penny.

“Folding again?” He swung off Thunder, the horses nibbling on the grass, paying us no attention.

He tracked me cautiously as I walked over to him, my palm flattened into his chest, shoving him roughly into a tree. He sucked in, his nose flaring, his irises darkening as lust flamed through him.

“What are you doing?” His voice was thick and gravelly.

“Seeing how long it takes you to fold.” Husky and needy, I grabbed at his trousers, popping the buttons of his jeans, ripping them down his legs, along with his boxer briefs, as I went down on my knees, his cock springing free, already glistening and pulsing. Damn. Up this close in daylight, the boy was seriously beyond impressive.

This had never been something I liked to do, but with Lennox, it felt completely different. I craved him, wanted to taste him so badly it ached. I dragged my tongue over the tip as my other hand wrapped around the base.

“Shite. Fuck. Spencer.” His spine shoved back into the wood, his thick muscular thighs flexing at my touch, his fingers tangling in my ponytail. His cock throbbed in my hand, his chest moving violently as I continued. Trying not to choke, I took him deeper, my eyes watering as I sucked while my other hand worked him.

Noise and swear words ripped out of his mouth, his hips pumping against me.

“Fuckfuckfuck…you feel so fucking incredible.” He grunted, losing all control, his human mask slipping off, showing the beast underneath. “Spencer…bloody hell. I’m about to come. Stop now if…”

His warning only encouraged me, loving the noises he made, that I could produce this reaction from him. Make him lose his bloody mind.

My free hand rolled his balls gently as I started to hum.

“Fuuuuucccccccckkkkkk!” He bellowed, his hips jerking roughly, thrusting deep, making me choke as his fingers dug into my scalp, lighting fireworks through my nerves. Pumping against me, I felt him twitch violently, a cry breaking from his lips as he emptied himself, his hips moving a few more times, before he slumped back on the tree, his lungs greedy for air, his cheeks flushed. “Jesus, Spencer, I think you almost killed me.”

I kissed his inner thigh before dragging back up his briefs and trousers, rising to my feet. He watched me like I was prey while I caressed him, taking my time putting him back in his packaging.

“You folded awfully fast, Mr. Easton. I think I win.” My fingers ran up his V-line as I finished the last button, my skin tight and hot.

“Do you?” he rumbled, his eyes burning, drawing me closer to him. Flattening my body against his, I peered up with a cocky smirk.

“I do.”

“Want to test that theory?” His hand snaked up the back of my neck, gripping my hair, sizzling a hiss through my teeth.

“I don’t think we have to. I won.” I tried to act like he wasn’t piercing every nerve in my body with desire.

A sinful grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“Challenge accepted.” His mouth crashed down on mine. This kiss was not gentle or even rough; it was meant to consume, devour, and take. I didn’t even know when he flipped us around or relieved me of my coat, but my skin rubbed against the bark, scraping and clawing at my back. And I loved every minute of it.

His mouth moved down my body, sucking on my breasts, causing a moan to echo through the forest before he moved down, yanking at the tight breeches and ripping my underwear, the chilly air stimulating my skin.

A gasped cry broke from my lips at the violent action, buzzing adrenaline down my spine. His hands spread my legs as he dropped, curling one leg over his shoulder, his tongue parting me, diving in.

“Oh, god.” I leaned back into the tree, moving with his tantalizing rhythm. “Fuck. Lennox.”

He pushed harder, not relenting for a moment.

Everything blurred, my legs already starting to shake. Lennox held nothing back, as his fingers and tongue had my lungs grappling for oxygen. Neither thought nor reality was anywhere within my realm. Like him, I turned into the most primitive version of me. Primal. Only feeling. Greedy. Demanding.

Noises and screams filled my ears. I knew they were coming from me, but I no longer felt connected to my body, though it burned with the bliss, the climax I was clamoring for.

“Lennox.”

He shoved up my leg higher, and I felt myself slam headfirst into my orgasm, my legs giving out. Brutally, my body snapped, flinging itself off a cliff into a lake of pure bliss, where I let myself float. The demand for air in my lungs drew me slowly back to land. Lennox’s hand pressed me to the tree, keeping me standing.

His gaze never leaving me, he kissed my inner thigh like I had his, rising to his feet.

“I won.” He smugly licked at his fingers and lips.

“This time,” I whispered, my voice raw like I had been screaming like a banshee.

“I’d love you to keep trying.” He lowered to grab my trousers, sliding them back up my legs. “Guess you’re going commando now.”

“Like I have so many extra pairs.”

“You won’t be needing them until tomorrow evening.”

Sucking in, a chuckle toppled out, my head shaking.

“What?” He pulled down the shirt I wore, which was his, and gripped my hips.

“We are problematic.”

“Problematic?”

I tilted my head at him. “There is no ‘enough’ with us. No off button. No matter how we pretend, we can’t hide it.”

“I don’t even see why we have to go through another night of faking it. Why can’t he tell them now?” His hand glided up my sides.

“It’s the holidays.”

“And next month is the Prince’s birthday. There will always be something. Another event, another gala, another important engagement.”

“One more night.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, loving the feel of his fit body pressing into mine. “All right? We can get through that.”

“One more night.” He nodded.

Going up on my toes, I kissed him, hugging him tighter to me.

Buzzz.

The sound of my mobile from my jacket on the ground rattled my ear.

There were only so many people who would contact me on it—none I wanted to talk to.

Frowning, I bent over, finding my mobile chock-full of missed calls and texts, gossip, and notices about me. Some were shredding the “too sexy” dress I wore to the Prime Minister’s, cameras locking on the nonexistent bump they all swore they could see. Reports I was seen leaving early added to the pregnancy rumors.

But only two texts caught my attention, drowning the rest away.

“We need to talk. Find me. I will be at the party tomorrow night.” Lord William’s text ordered me.

But the text right after his felt like a sinking ship in my stomach.

“Hey cuz, I’m back! I’ve so missed you. Though have you lost your mind? What is this that you and Mina aren’t talking? And marrying Theo? At 19?? WTF? Why did I find this out in the paper? Whole family will be heading to the palace tomorrow night! Wear your dancing shoes. Can’t wait to see you.”

Landen.

And with a crashing bang, reality came tumbling back in.

Chapter 21

The palace hummed with activity, holiday decorations trimming every part of the palace in golds, silvers, and a dash of red—refined, respectable, and classy.

The staff whirred around like bees, seeing to the last-minute tweaks, perfecting the already perfect. Stylists, butlers, and servants darted in and out of rooms, attending the royal family, which as of tonight, I was still part of. Chloe and Heidi stayed far away from me; only Jenny and a few of the lower rung servants came to my room to attend to me.

A clock struck the hour, ringing down the hall like a countdown to my doom. My arm linked loosely over Theo’s, my jewel-encrusted heels strolled down the stairs toward the media area, a fake smile pinned perfectly to my lips. On the outside, I had been plucked and painted into a vision of a textbook princess. But on the inside, it was the complete opposite. My knotted stomach simmered with bile. My nerves were so wound up, I felt like glass.

My silvery layered silk dress hung down like fragile tiers of glinting ice. My hair was styled in a low braided chignon, wrapped in diamonds and silver leaves. Everything about me was stamped with royal approval. Theo dressed in a tailored black tux, his hair styled back, his shaved face showing off his high cheekbones. He was flawless. Together, we looked like a fairytale book come to life. We portrayed the image the world wanted, greedily demanded us to have, so they could live out a life that didn’t exist—even for royals.

Theo had only mumbled a few words to me, our duty forcing us together like flipped magnets. Ones that repelled instead of attracted.

The force that drew me was somewhere behind us; I could feel his presence even without him being next to me. His gaze, his attention, his very being engulfed me, keeping me steady on my heels.

Though the party was in the palace, the security was even tighter. The threat was still out there, and the number of people coming in and out of the palace had many guards watching the royal family. Every guest was known and vetted, but with catering crews, event planners with trolleys, and crews coming in and out, some cracks could be exposed, though I knew with Dalton and his team, that was highly unlikely.

We stepped through the doors, the media instantly reacting.

Flash. Flash. Click. Flash. Click.

“Spencer. Spencer. Spencer. You look beautiful! How are you feeling tonight? Why did you leave the party early the other night?”

“Theo! When is the wedding? Do you want children right away?”

Flash. Click.

“Merry Christmas to you as well.” Theo teased the media, his arm wrapped tightly around me. “It’s Christmas guys, let’s enjoy the evening.” He leaned into me. “Smile like you are actually happy to be here, instead of looking like I’m holding a gun to your head,” Theo muttered in my ear, kissing my temple. His own smile curved over his mouth like he was the happiest guy in the world.

He was in his role as prince and playing it to perfection.

I struggled to keep a genuine smile on my face, but years of pretending you were okay when you weren’t prepared me for this.

“I wasn’t feeling well. But thank you for your concern.” I curved each word as if I truly meant them, smiling and nodding at the media as Theo steered us for the grand ballroom. The doors opened for us, the cameras not stopping until we were on the other side, closing us in a holiday movie.

The silver and gold decorations over the tables and walls and the glinting of lights wrapping the twelve-foot Christmas tree made you feel like you were in a snow globe. Dancing couples glided to tunes from The Nutcracker as the orchestra played from above. Trays of food and drinks were being served by men and women dressed as toy soldiers. The famous ballet of Great Victoria would later be performing The Nutcracker for everyone here.

It was stunning, but my usual holiday cheer was nowhere to be found. My nerves ground together, making me almost wish for the media attention compared to what was ahead of me. Lord William, my Aunt Lauren, and Landen were somewhere in this room. Secrets compressed the air, strangling my throat.

I had wanted to know, and as Lennox predicted, I wish I didn’t.

Theo’s sparkling exterior slipped a little when we entered, his gaze sliding over to the figure trying to blend in with the wall.

“Amusing how your boyfriend stared at me like I’m the one stealing you away from underneath him,” Theo grumbled, swiping a champagne glass off a tray and downing it.

“Let’s just get through the night.” I grabbed one for myself, sipping at the fizzy bubbles. “Like you said, then this can be over.”

Theo shifted on his feet. “I was thinking…we should wait until after the New Year.”

“There will always be something. Another event, another gala or important engagement.” Lennox’s voice rumbled in the back of my head.

“Theo…you said Christmas.”

“I know, but New Year is only a week after that.”

“And the week after that is your birthday. It will always be something else.” My fingers throttled the glass.

“You think I want to drag this out with you?” Theo hissed, his façade dropping. “I can barely be in the same room—Hello, Grant. Jillian.” Theo’s demeanor shifted, anger shifting to a happy smile as a familiar man, Ben’s father, came up to us, his wife next to him. My spine straightened, a smile spearing my red lips.

“Theo, my boy!” Grant clapped him on the shoulder. Good to see you.” Grant’s voice bowled over the music. “Benjamin is somewhere around here. Probably chasing one of those stunning, long-legged ballerinas.”

Jillian didn’t even flinch at her husband’s leering comment, her attention turning on me.

“You two are so beautiful. I’ll bet all you can think or talk about is the wedding, am I right?” she gushed.

“Oh.” I swallowed down a sip. “Yeah.”

“All day long, it’s all I hear.” Theo glanced at me, his hand rubbing my back. “Talks incessantly of the wedding. The dress, shoes, jewelry, cakes, party, and the honeymoon. Spencer has thrown herself into the planning. She cannot wait…am I right, darling?”

“Yes,” I spoke through my teeth. “Can’t wait.”

“And us guys just look forward to the bachelor party before, right, my boy?” Grant nudged Theo. “I think Ben and Charlie are planning something good. Have your passport ready.” Grant winked. “Get crazy before locking on the ball and chain.”

“Oh, Grant, you’re awful!” Jillian batted at him. “We don’t want to interrupt the love birds, only wanted to stop and say hi. So good to see true love,” she babbled. Grant pounded Theo’s arm again before they strolled away, our pretenses dropping.

“Yeah, that’s me; all I can talk about is jewelry and shoes,” I snipped.

“Oh, sorry. Was I supposed to say you’re too busy shagging your married bodygua… Duchess Caroline!” Theo effortlessly flipped between his masks, taking the old woman’s hand and kissing it. “So good to see you, looking beautiful as always.”

She dipped her head at him, her short frame drenched in a heavy gold embroidered gown.

“Oh. You two look like you stepped right off the top of a cake,” she gushed, her gaze searching behind us. “Is your bodyguard here tonight?”

“On our arse, like his dick is in my fiancée,” Theo muttered as he took a drink, forcing me to suck in a gulp of air.

“What?” The old woman touched her almost deaf ears, the party noise limiting her hearing.

“It’s lovely to see you, Caroline.” I grabbed Theo’s arm, my nails digging in. “We are going to go dance. Enjoy the party.” I dragged him away, smiling and nodding every two feet, another person wanting to congratulate or speak to us, but I didn’t stop until we were on the dance floor, my body bristling with anger.

“What?” Theo took my hand, his other going to my lower back. “Did I say something wrong? Untrue?”

“Again, all I can say is I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, though I did anyway. I can say I’m sorry till the end of time, but I know it’s not going to help.” We glided over the floor together, our steps in sync, but everything else clashed and banged. “So, please. Let’s get through Christmas without killing each other.”

He kept his gaze over my head, his lips rolling together. We stayed silent for a bit before he spoke.

“This was not how I imaged our first Christmas together would be,” he mumbled. “Seeing my great-grandmother’s ring on your finger, a wedding before us, I imagined myself bursting with happiness, so excited to start my life with my wife. Now feeling your touch makes my skin crawl…”

My throat squeezed, forming tears behind my eyes, my mouth locking down. I didn’t have any response except the same one I had said a hundred times already. My part in this, causing Theo such pain and grief that he had become angry and bitter, would always haunt me.

“May I cut in?” A familiar old voice croaked behind me, stiffening my spine.

“Lord William.” Theo stepped away from me. “I heard about what happened. Good to see you up and looking well.”

“Thank you, Highness.” Lord William bowed, his gaze staying on me, creating the sensation of bugs crawling over my skin. “I had amazing care and a visitor who made me really assess my life. See what was important.”

“Yes, I saw your wife, Lady Cabot, was here,” Theo replied. “She must be relieved.”

Lord William’s eyes stayed locked on me. “Yes, my wife was absolutely combusting with emotion.”

Livid he was still alive, I’m sure.

“Will you do me the honor of letting me dance with your stunning fiancée for a moment?” Lord William asked Theo, as if I was property to be let out when he deemed it.

“Of course. Please.” He gratefully waved to me. “She loves to dance, and I can’t say the same, so by all means.” Take her far away from me. He didn’t say it, but I could hear the unspoken message. Theo quickly retreated.

“Spencer.” Lord William’s lids lowered, his arms opening to clasp mine, his hand pressing far too low on my back, bringing me closer.

“Move your hand,” I growled, glaring up at him.

“We would look awfully silly if we weren’t touching,” he said against my temple, drawing me in tighter. “Dancing is meant to be intimate, a way to seduce and touch, right in front of society.” He moved us across the floor, his joints and bones making the dance a little stiff.

“You wanted to talk. Talk.” I glanced around, cautious of the people around us.

“What you told me at the hospital.” His voice was unemotional. “It changes nothing. Not that I believe you anyway.”

“What?” I tried to step back, but his boney fingers dug into my skin, keeping me moving with him.

“You still are in my debt. He’s Fredrick’s son. And your family owes me. Either you lose everything, or you save your family, Spencer.”

“I can’t believe you,” I seethed. “You really are soulless.”

“Mine was ripped from me a long time ago.”

“Oh, boo-hoo.” I glared up at him. “You had your heart broken. Get in line. You aren’t the only one who’s been hurt or deceived. It’s how you come out of it that makes you the person you are. I’m sorry for what my aunt did. It was awful, but it doesn’t forgive what you do. Your vile actions are your own. The only person to blame for how your life turned out—bitter and ugly—is you.” I yanked out of his grip. He didn’t fight me, his body going still. “You are weak, Lord William. A coward. You’d rather blame others for your cruel behaviors, hiding behind them like you have the right because someone hurt you. You don’t. And threatening and attacking women makes you a piece of shite, certainly not a real man.”

Lord William didn’t move or speak, his gaze fixed over my shoulder, his face pallid.

My head swiveled, following his focus. My stomach plummeted, fear zipping up my throat, coating my tongue.

My family had arrived and were chatting with Theo near the dance floor. But I knew the one Lord William was staring at. It was like looking at the photo of the younger version of himself.

Landen was the closest to us, wearing a tux, looking so grown up and toned from the last time I saw him. The military had carved his boy’s body into that of a man. Slight stubble grew along his jaw, his brown eyes catching the twinkle lights. He matched younger Lord William even more now. And now that Lord William knew, it was something even he couldn’t deny.

He was the father.

Landen, sensing eyes on him, turned his head, his gaze landing on me. A grin engulfed his face, his feet already moving for me. I ran for him, my heart bursting when his arms wrapped around me, feeling instantly happy and complete. The heart of my family was home.

“I’m sorry,” I croaked, trying my best not to cry. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” He leaned back.

“For not being there for you. I-I didn’t even know you had left for the military. I was so self-absorbed. God, Landen, you are my heart…and I wasn’t there when you needed me the most.”

He wrapped me up in a big bear hug, not caring about decorum. “It’s okay, Spence. You had a lot going on.”

“It’s not a good enough excuse. We always promised each other…you and I against the world. We would always have each other’s backs.”

“And we always will.” He stepped back, squeezing my arms. “You got caught up in this world. And at first, I did hate it and blamed you…but that was because I was selfish too. I didn’t want to lose you. I spent the first half of camp bitter, angry, and isolated, but one day I overheard another soldier saying graphic things about you, and after I kicked his arse, I realized everything I was holding on to wasn’t fair to you. You are my best friend and family. No matter what, I knew we’d have each other’s backs. I just let it go. And after that, I actually started to like what I was doing.”

“You liked military camp?”

“Well, let’s not get carried away, but…” His cheeks reddened.

“You met someone.” My eyes widened.

He shrugged. “I don’t know what it is. But it made me not hate everything and everyone all the time.”

“I’ve missed you so much.” I stared at him.

“Same, cuz.” He nudged me. “One night, we need to get trolleyed and catch up. It’s a holiday tradition, after all.”

“Oh, I don’t think you are ready for that.” I winked. He had no idea of the stories I had to tell.

“Please, the things I can tell you now.” He winked back. “Bring it.”

“You’re on. And I can’t wait to hear all about this person…” I drifted off, curving an eyebrow.

He only grinned, not giving me any hint. Not that I cared. If Landen was happy, I was happy.

“You look good.” I repeated my thoughts out loud. “Happy.”

“I am, I think. The closest I have been in a long time, anyway.” His forehead scrunched. “Not everything is rainbow and unicorns. But it is strange, Father seems different since I got back. Interested. He actually muttered something about me taking an acting class if I wanted to.”

“What?” I gaped.

“I know, right?” Landen looked back at Fredrick. “I think aliens have taken over his body, but I’ll take it.”

I glanced from Fredrick to Landen, then to the man who had been behind me. Lord William was gone.

I had no idea what his plans were, but I knew in my gut, I would take this secret to the grave. Landen’s father was Fredrick. No matter what. Nothing good would come of him finding out the truth. It would only lead to heartache, pain, anger, and betrayal. It would tear my family apart and destroy Landen.

Whatever I had to do to protect Landen, I would do it.

After spending some time with my family, them gushing over my pending nuptials, I had to escape, get some air. My heart thudding, I slipped out, holding back the approaching pain I would be dumping on my family. My feet returned me to the dark mural room, the shadows thick, only a few windows letting in enough light to give the room definition.

My hand pressed to my chest like I had to hold in my heart and lungs from jumping out of my body and running for safer ground.

How could I do this to them? They looked so happy and thankful for their luck in a son-in-law. Without knowing the full truth, I think all of them felt relieved my actions were “saving” them from something, a doom they could feel hinting on the horizon. And I was about to take all that away and hand them more shame, grief, and humiliation.

My stomach knotted, dripping with acid, spinning doubt through my chest like a tornado. Was my happiness worth all of theirs? My sister’s future, our home, my family’s reputation? I wouldn’t only be bringing attention to myself. It would follow my family like a plague for the rest of our lives. Was I that selfish to cause so much harm for my joy?

“Don’t, Spencer,” a husky voice muttered from behind. His shadow was never far from me, prickling my skin with awareness.

“What?” I whispered back, my hand curling into the fabric of my dress, the weight of everything pushing down on my bones, ripping the air from my lungs.

“Doubt yourself. Take on everyone else’s happiness like it’s yours to give them.”

“Isn’t it?” I spun around, facing the man who held my heart in his hands, anger hinting at my tone. Lennox, hands in his pockets, stood near the entrance, his expression stony. “Why is mine worth more than all of theirs? My one action will destroy their lives as well. This isn’t just about me.”

“Because no one can live their life for someone else.” He pushed off the wall, strolling closer. “I know. I did it for years. And living in lies only ends up destroying you more.”

“But it would just be me. If I stay, the royal family, my family—no one is hurt.”

“Except you.” His shiny dress shoes bumped mine, his physique looming over my own. “And me.” His hands moved to my neck, sliding up to my face, tilting my head to look up at him. “I’ve spent too long being stuck, being with the wrong person out of guilt, obligation, and fear of hurting others. It’s not fair to anyone. Your uncle and aunt and parents are grown; they are the ones who control their happiness, their fate and reputation. Not you. We have this one life to live, and you shouldn’t have to live it to please and bubble wrap others in lies. It’s yours, Spencer. What do you want?”

“You.” The emotion was so pure, so truthful, and I knew as selfish as it may seem, I didn’t want to live without him. “I want you. I want to work with animals, living far away from prying eyes and being judged for how I walk, dress, speak, or even breathe.”

“Then have it,” he muttered, his mouth moving closer to mine. “Have it all, Spencer. You deserve happiness as well.” His lips, soft but powerful, incinerated me in a moment, wiping everything from my mind and letting me fall into his heat.

“I have nothing to say to you,” a woman’s voice hissed, footsteps moving quickly for the very room we were in. “Stay away from me.”

Lennox and I moved at the same time, instinct darting us toward a dark corner, blending into the shadows like ghosts, our bodies melding together.

“What would people say if they saw us together?” The woman stomped into the space, swiveling back on the grey-haired man following her, her green jewel-encrusted gown glinting in the moonlight streaming from the windows.

I knew that dress. A gasp lodged in my throat, my hand covering my mouth, pressing firmer into Lennox.

Aunt Lauren and Lord William.

“Nothing’s changed,” Lord William growled. “Still more concerned about what people think than what matters.”

“You know nothing about me.”

“I did once. Very well.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” She shifted on her feet, prodding up her chin, trying to look regal and strong, but I could see it was all a front, fear seeping out, tainting the air.

William lurched for her, his hand wrapping around her throat. She inhaled, a gasp catching in her throat, her chest moving in and out. “I know you used to love this.” He squeezed down, his gaze roaming over her. “I’ll bet your husband never knew how twisted you liked it. So cut the crap. You can flounce around acting like you are above everyone, but I know the truth. I’ve always known you, and you hate that.” Lord William drew her in closer, her face tilted up to his. “I see you, Ren.”

“Don’t call me that.” She pulled away from him, anger raising her voice. “You know nothing. I merely let you believe you did.”

“I. Said.” Lord William grabbed for her again, yanking her back into him. “Cut the bullshite. I know the truth.”

She tried to push him away, but he held on to her tighter, yanking her aggressively. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” she challenged, fire I had never seen dancing in her eyes.

“Why, Ren?” Lord William croaked. An unfamiliar vulnerability tangled his features, his thumb pushing down on her throat. “Why?”

She breathed through her nose, staring up at him, her jaw locking down.

“I loved you so much. I would have done anything for you. I was willing to give up everything to be with you.”

“And that made you the fool,” she spat back. “A hopeless old fool who believed in fairytales and dreams.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t love me. That you were always this cold and cruel.” He shoved her against a wall, her breasts heaving, her cheeks flushed. “At one time, you were fire and passion. Fredrick has never been able to please you like I could, and we both know it.” He shoved her harder into the wall, her breath hitching with angry desire.

“He does. He’s twice the man you are in bed.”

Lord William’s laugh boomed in the empty space, cracking against the walls.

“You can’t even lie well.” He pressed into her, a barely audible moan rolling from Aunt Lauren, her mouth parting. “It may have been a long time, but I still know your body better than you do. And what you liked. Admit it, Ren, I was the only one able to give you what you wanted. The only one who could match your desire and preferences.”

“I will do no such thing.” She huffed, but even from where I was, I could see her body betray her as his hands moved down her hips.

“You destroyed me, Ren,” he whispered against her ear, her head tipping back. “Did it get you off, knowing you ripped my heart in half, took my world away?”

“Yes,” she hissed as her back arched, soaking in his body against hers. “You were pathetic, like a whipped dog following me, a married woman half your age. Willing to give up your money and title. Pitiful.”

“Shut up.” He clutched her throat again, squeezing down. I knew from the pictures I saw, they had been into very kinky things, but it still made me feel ill to see my Aunt Lauren getting turned on by his roughness. By the man who threatened my family and attacked me.

“You’ve gotten so used to lying. Do you even know the truth anymore?” He flipped her around, shoving her front into the wall, his body pressing into her from behind. Her nails gripped the wall, desire billowing off her. “Did you know with one signature, I can rip everything away from your family? Your pretend wealth? You are penniless, Ren. I didn’t even have to try to make that happen. Your husband did it all on his own, but I won’t say I didn’t leap at the opportunity to be the one who held your future in my hands, to watch it crumble, to know I had a hand in your ruin, destroying you bit by bit. I hold everything that’s ever meant anything to you. Wealth. Title. Reputation. Me. The man you so cruelly walked away from, running back to that twat. Has your life been everything you wanted? Hoped for?” He pinned her arms to the wall. “You used to have so much life. Now all I see is this pathetic, vapid shell.”

Aunt Lauren whimpered with pleasure and pain as he dug into her skin.

“You’re nothing but a bitch who has lied and deceived everyone she’s ever pretended to care about, destroying their lives in your wake,” he rumbled in her ear before stepping away from her. “I know the truth, Ren…I know the boy is mine.”

“Wha-what?” A cry broke from Lauren’s throat as she turned back around, her eyes wide. “How?”

“Look at him! It’s like looking in a mirror at my younger self!” He tossed his arm toward the doorway. “You made me believe it was part of the reason you went back to Fredrick.” William shook his head. “But you knew he was mine. Walking away from me wasn’t enough for you? You also took my son with you.”

“Please.” Her hand went up to her throat. “Please, you can’t…”

“What?” he roared. “Tell your husband his son is actually mine? That we had been deeply in love? Bloody hell, Ren. I hated that boy for so long, thinking he was why you ran back to Frederick, but this whole time…” Grief slashed off his tongue, his head bowing. “Why? Why?”

“You talk like it would have been so easy to walk away from our lives!” she exclaimed. “To divorce and run off together and have a baby, leaving everything behind.”

“Why wouldn’t it have been? We could have gone anywhere and started over.”

“The gossip, rumors, and scandal would have destroyed us.”

“And there was where our problem lay. I didn’t care. Not when it came to you.”

“I was young, scared, and chose what I thought was best for my child and me.”

“But not for my child and me?” he seethed.

“Will, you can’t tell anyone,” she whispered. “Landen will never understand. He will hate me. Hate you. Please, I beg you. It will destroy Fredrick and Landen’s relationship. Destroy our family.”

William snorted, pacing around in a circle.

“Nothing good will come out of him knowing. Not now. Please, don’t hurt him out of spite. I beg you.”

A heartbreaking noise came from William, his hand running over his face. “Twenty years since you walked away from me, but you still control my life, my thoughts, my actions. Everything I do is still about you.” His back curved; he looked broken and gutted. “Even in hate, even trying to tear your life apart, my life centers around you.”

“Tear me apart if you must. But leave Landen out of it.”

“He’s my son, Ren. I could have been a father to him. A husband to you. We could have been happy.”

Lauren’s head bowed, a tear sliding down her face.

“Tell me one thing.”

“What?”

“Did you ever really love me?” Raw and vulnerable, he laid his feelings out for her to crush.

Aunt Lauren brushed a tear away, turning her head to the side, not saying anything.

His Adam’s apple bobbed, agony twisting his features before he nodded. “I see.” He started to head for the exit. Lauren whirled around, staring at his back.

“I did,” she whispered, her declaration stopping him. He kept his back to her, not speaking. “I loved you more than anything. It’s never changed, Will. I chose what was best for everyone. What was right. My duty. My life had already been set out for me, promised to Fredrick. But there hasn’t been one day I haven’t thought about you. About us. What could have been. And there will be a huge part of me that will always regret not following my heart. But I did what I had to.”

A wretched noise came from Lord William, his head dropping forward as if she shattered everything inside him. His shoulders stayed curled for a minute, then he lifted his head, a deep defeated sigh escaping his mouth, and without a word or look back, he strode out.

A sob hiccupped from Aunt Lauren as she watched him leave. Even I could feel him close the final chapter on them. They had finally confessed their true feelings, but sadly it changed nothing, coming too late.

I had no idea if hearing her declaration helped or hurt him more, knowing the what-ifs and possibilities if they had ignored society and just followed their hearts. Lord William and my aunt may have turned out to be completely different people. Happy. Instead, they lived bitter, shallow, and miserable lives.

Tearfully, Aunt Lauren spun around and ran out of the room the opposite way, choking on her sobs, leaving me gutted and heartbroken for them.

I hated Lord William, but watching this slightly altered my view, seeing why he became the man he did. And my aunt had always been superficial and cold, but now I realized it was the only way she learned to survive, putting on her mask to get through each day, focusing on things that deep down she knew meant nothing.

Lennox’s touch turned me around, my arms wrapping around him. I couldn’t speak, but I felt he knew what I was saying.

I had seen my future if I chose Theo. The life that would keep everyone else happy would actually be steeped in lies, ugliness, and misery for the very same people I was trying to protect.

If choosing myself and happiness made me selfish in the eyes of the world, I had to take that on.

I didn’t want to be Aunt Lauren.

I couldn’t live like that.

Chapter 22

Knowing I would be missed, I headed back to the party, Lennox keeping his distance, trailing far behind. The doors opened for me to saunter back in. Like walking through cobwebs, a strange prickle skated down my skin. A sixth sense tapped at the base of my neck, telling me something was wrong. Off.

Strolling slowly, I scanned the room, noticing many staring down at their mobiles, their eyes then glancing up to me. Fiery hot pokers rammed into my body from all corners of the room.

My tongue slipped over my dry lips, my heart picking up speed as more and more people’s notice fell upon me. Shocked, horrified, disgusted, and incited, their expressions jumbled together as adrenaline pierced my veins, hammering at my pulse. Their eyes fastened me to the floor. The music was just a hum in the background as chatter and gasps filled the large room, bouncing off the walls and ceiling and spearing right through me. Activity stopped as guests showed their phones to others.

What was going on? Why was everyone staring at me?

I searched for Theo, finding him near his parents, looking down at his cell phone. As if he could feel my stare, his head jerked up, his lids narrowing, hate flaring his nose.

“Tramp!” A woman’s voice came from deep in the crowd, jolting me around, my breath bursting heavily from my lungs as sounds filled the vast room, cutting through my chest.

Distant and muffled, but clear enough to hear, a man’s voice came from the cell speakers.

Moans and mutterings.

And then…

“Spencer…bloody hell. I’m about to come. Stop now if…” A few beats of mumbled sounds. Then a deep groan mixed with a swear word bellowed from the speakers, dropping realization and terror on me like a brick. The familiarity of the intimate moment, the words spoken, flashed the fresh memory of yesterday in my mind.

The world stopped.

Bile scorched up my throat, drowning me as the blood rushed to my ears, spinning my head. Oh. God. No. This can’t be happening.

We were alone. Private property. Paparazzi weren’t allowed anywhere near it. There should have been no way they could have caught us. And no one knew we were there…

Except.

Fecking hell.

Katy.

Would she do this?

There were unintelligible mutters before you heard a girl’s gradual wails ring through, dripping with passion and release.

“Oh god… Fuck. Lennox.”

I stood frozen, paralyzed to the spot, being burned alive with condemnation. My breath fluttered and heaved from my chest, panic whirling my head, dipping my legs.

I noticed the King whispering something to Dalton, rushing him off. In seconds, the sounds of sex stopped. Guests murmured, tapping madly at their cells, trying to refresh.

“All internet services have been shut off, and the use of mobiles will be strictly prohibited from here on out.” Alexander’s voice boomed in the room, snapping every head to him. “Whoever made this fabricated video will be found and dealt with. But the topic and matter of it end now. Everyone in this room is above spreading gossip and lies about such grotesque and blatantly false footage trying to hurt my family.” The King’s eyes drilled into the guests, daring them to contradict him. “Please carry on and enjoy the evening as if this never happened. We are above such vile tricks for headlines.” He swished his hand at the orchestra, which instantly filled the room with jubilant Christmas carols as a dozen ballerinas swirled onto the main floor, performing like dangling shiny objects intended to distract the guests.

From across the room, I felt the King’s attention stick into me like a knife, his glower shredding me apart. Going over my shoulder, he found someone else, the tiniest flick of his head screamed his demand before he exited the room, trailed by a stone-faced Theo. He wouldn’t even glance back at me, a nerve twitching at his temple.

Fuck.

Sweat pooled at the base of my spine and neck, stealing all the moisture from my mouth. My heart thumped, trying to push out of my chest, my limbs shaking as I took a step to follow. I forced my head to stay up as glares and mumblings whirled around me. Humiliation buried me as I walked across the room like I was about to be condemned, their gazes painting me with a scarlet A.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted my family, their expressions contorted with horror and fear. My mother gripped my father as if she already sensed the secure ground, which she had put all her belief on, was cracking and breaking under her feet. Not able to look at them, I rolled my shoulders back, holding my chin up, and strode for the door.

I had survived a real bombing, but the metaphorical one might be the one that destroys me.

Acid foamed up the back of my throat as I stepped into the King’s office. Alexander stood behind his desk, Theo to the side, while Dalton and two guards secured the doors on either side of the room. Lennox hung a few steps back, still following the rules of a bodyguard, though I knew there was no point now.

The King stayed silent, his head bowed, his fingers pinching his nose. Heavy tension dipped the back of my knees, forcing my teeth to grit together to hold myself up. Keeping my face blank and my head up, I hid my fear under my veneer.

“Is the video real?” He finally spoke, his voice low and dangerous, his glare leaping between Lennox and me. To hear it was one thing, but I knew everyone was privy to the most intimate moments between us. The King, my father…they all had seen it.

My throat locked up, not letting sound exit my mouth.

“Yes, Majesty,” Lennox replied unemotionally.

Red dots rose on the King’s cheeks, anger flaring his nose. “You stupid girl,” he snarled at me. “I warned you. Cautioned you about what would happen. And still, you couldn’t keep your legs closed.”

A threatening rumble came from Lennox behind me.

“Wait.” Theo’s entire frame twisted to his father. “You knew about this?”

“I am King. There isn’t anything I don’t know about.”

Theo’s mouth parted. “When?”

“At my birthday.”

“You mean before I proposed to her?” Theo exclaimed. “And you still let me?”

“I tried to stop you. Everyone tried. But you were dead set on her. Wouldn’t listen to any of us. I thought warning her was enough to either end it or set her right.”

“So…it didn’t matter if my fiancée was cheating on me as long as it didn’t cause a scandal?” Theo’s fists rolled into balls, anger coloring his face.

“Of course it matters, but our reputation is everything, Theo. Without it, we lose respect. Respect equals power. We deal with our private matters secretly and with care. Especially affairs,” Alexander shot back. “But don’t suddenly act the fool. You couldn’t be that naive and blind.”

My stomach flipped around like a carnival ride. I half expected Theo to throw me under the bus and deny he had any idea. He could have, and I wouldn’t even have fought it.

“Did you know?”

“Yes, sir.” Theo shuffled his feet.

Alexander dipped his head, spearing his son with his disappointment. “You will be the king someday. How do you think the commoners will look at you, realizing you knew your fiancée was having an affair with her bodyguard, and you allowed it to happen? Will you appear weak or strong?”

Theo bowed his head.

“Answer me!” His voice rose, fury bustling under the seams.

“Weak!” Theo shouted back.

“You also had to be aware the media could discover this at any time, exposing our family to this vulgar scandal!” Anger broke free from the King, his fist smashing on his desk. “I warned you, Theo! I told you what kind of girl she was. You should have gone straight to the PR, let them handle this!”

“We were going to. Right after the holidays.” Theo’s cheeks were rosy with humiliation. “I was trying to protect us since we just got engaged. I wanted to wait before we broke the news.”

“How did that work out for you?” Alexander spat, his glare finding me. “Since they have no regard for anyone but themselves. Fornicating for all the world to see!” Alexander’s fury shot through me like a gunshot.

It wasn’t out for everyone to see. We were on secured private property, surrounded by acres of land. I knew perfectly well who sold us out—a bitter ex-lover who wanted to hurt Lennox and shred me. I never imagined Katy being that type of person but never doubt the level a scorned lover will stoop to.

“You were the worst choice my son could have made. Your family is a disgrace and an embarrassment to have linked to our name. I hoped he’d come to his senses and end it with you before he stupidly proposed. I should have followed my gut. But I believed you at least loved and respected my son enough. You agreed to marry him knowing there wasn’t an exit once you decided, yet you still threatened our reputation and everything this family has built because you are a whore.”

Lennox lurched forward, the King’s man leaping on him instantly, drawing him back.

“And you…” Alexander sneered, coming from around the desk. “My son vouched for you. He praised you and pleaded with me to hire you—to help your family, your poor wife in a coma…and this is how you repay him? Me?” The King got into his face, his guard grunting with the effort to keep Lennox contained, but I knew Lennox wasn’t even trying to break free. “You’re nothing but a lowly con artist who used the generosity of the royal family and Theo’s kind heart. You are not just done here with no severance package or recommendation, but you will be dishonorably discharged from military service, stripped of all titles, medals, and ranking. You will have nothing but a black stain on your record. Unhireable. No one will touch you.”

“What?” I gaped, my stomach plunging to the ground. Lennox risked his life for country and crown, gave up everything, worked and earned respect from his troops and higher commanders. And now because of me, he was being stripped of all that made him—him. His sacrifice, heartache, grief, loss of friends…all for nothing? “No. You can’t do that.”

Lennox’s jaw locked down, his eyes going past the King, not responding.

“Vile dogs like you don’t have loyalty. They can’t be trusted and should be put down.”

Lennox sucked in sharply, a twitch in his cheek throbbing with effort. Years of training kept him in place, not rising to the bait.

The lack of response made the King’s shoulders pinch back, his head lifting in ire. “Now get out of my palace. You are banned from ever setting foot near here or this family again. I will have you court-martialed if I even get wind of your presence.”

My brain still trying to catch up with everything, I peered over at Theo to plead with him, but found his expression void of emotion, watching his old friend be exiled from his own life. “Theo?”

His gaze snapped to mine. “He got what was coming to him.”

“He saved your life!” Didn’t that count for anything?

“He shouldn’t have gone after my girlfriend.”

“That’s not how it happened.”

“Right, you easily opened your legs for him too.” His anger was turning him bitter and cruel. “You deserve to live without our protection…the media and public will tear you apart, Spencer. It’s what you deserve.”

I gulped back a sob in my throat. I wanted to protest, to scream and yell and fight for Lennox and me. The only wrong we did was fall in love. But there was no combating a king and a prince. They held all the power, and at the end of the day, Theo would always have held that card over my head. How long into our marriage would he have started using it?

The cheeky, happy guy I met at school was now this—the monster I created.

The King swung to me. “You and your family will depart the premises immediately and are never allowed near us or any noble circle. I have a huge mess to clean up, but I think there is no question my son’s proposal has been nullified. We will have a statement going out in the morning about how in light of things, you and my son think it is better to end things now. Our PR team will bury this as much as we can. Not for you, of course, but for our own reputation. Whatever we say, you will agree with. Non-disclosure agreements will be signed, and if you are seen giving any interviews or talking about us to anyone, you will be arrested for sedition. Now, Dalton, see that they are thrown out and never allowed back in again.”

Shock kept my heels in place as hands came down on my shoulders, shoving me for the door. My gaze ran to Theo again, trying to find some kindness, but none was left. And I almost couldn’t blame him. What he knew in private was enough, but my deceitfulness was out for the world to see.

Dalton grabbed Lennox’s arm.

“I can escort myself.” Lennox thrashed against Dalton’s hold, his expression stretched with tension and fury. “I go willingly. All I want is what I came in with anyway,” he snarled at the King, his gaze sliding quickly to me.

“Dalton, make sure they are seen out.” The King glared back, a slight smirk on his features. “Also, this footage was taken on our private property; find who did it and see to it. We cannot have leaks coming from our own people. This is treason.”

Did Katy, in her jealousy, realize what she did? The contracts she had to sign to be hired on…it was a serious thing. I wanted so badly to spill her name but stayed quiet. Let them find the culprit and deal with her. I was not going to tattle.

“Yes, sir.” Doing his duty, Dalton bowed his head, seizing Lennox’s arms behind his back, shoving him toward the door. Another guard wrapped his fingers around my bicep, clamping down, yanking me roughly to the door.

Theo looked up, his mask all anger, but pain flickered in his eyes as he watched me being dragged out.

“I will always regret the pain and embarrassment I caused you. I wish I could change it. But just know I did love you, Theo.”

“Not enough.” His voice cracked. “Goodbye, Spencer.”

“Goodbye, Theo.” I blinked back my tears, knowing I would probably never see or talk to him again. Our friendship and giggly first love had turned to ash.

By falling in love, I destroyed everything in my path, burning it in my wake.

“Fuckin’ let go of me,” Lennox snapped, trying to wiggle away from Dalton as the guards moved us down the corridor.

“Dammit, Lennox. Calm down. Stop fighting me,” Dalton growled, peering back behind him to the King’s door, guiding us toward the back exit. The moment we were far enough away, his demeanor shifted, his shoulders relaxing, loosening his hold on him. “Let her go,” he instructed the guard holding me.

“But the King said he wanted them—” The man gaped, nodding back to the office.

“I gave you a direct order.” Dalton nodded at his hands on me. “Release her.”

The young guard huffed but did as he was told, stepping back.

“Return to your post. I can handle it from here.”

The kid’s eyes narrowed.

“Run along, Louis, daddy gave you an order,” Lennox taunted the baby-faced guard. He barely looked old enough to drink.

Louis glared at Lennox before turning around and stomping off.

“Bloody wanker.” Lennox shook his head.

“Yeah, he is, and he’s taking over your spot, so fuck you for that,” Dalton quipped, startling me with his gruff tone and words. I don’t think I ever heard him swear before. He let go of Lennox, taking a step back. “Bloody hell, Lennox.” He shook his head. “What the hell is wrong with you? You couldn’t have kept away from each other, at least been more careful?”

“We didn’t plan on getting caught.” Lennox brushed at the arms of his suit; his shoulders still hunched.

“Yeah, thank your ex-fuck friend for that.” I folded my arms.

“I know, I handled it badly, but I never thought her capable of that.” He peered at me, then at Dalton. “And I don’t need a bloody lecture from you, either.”

“Tough,” Dalton replied. “Because you both need one. Do you get how serious this is? You will be hounded and condemned by the people and media. Your life as you know it is over. And you…” Lennox shifted on his feet, not meeting his gaze. “You have been stripped, Lennox, basically blackballed. You will never be able to serve or even find a job in this country. No one will touch you.”

“I know that.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“There has to be something.” My knuckles pushed into my stomach, trying to settle my insides. “This is my fault. He shouldn’t be discharged because of me.”

“Spencer…” Lennox shook his head, reaching for me.

“No.” I shook my head. “I can’t allow you to lose everything because of me.”

“It wasn’t just you. I knew perfectly well what I was getting into. You can’t take the blame for this.”

“Yes, I can. This is your career, and you are one of the best. You’ve been nothing but faithful to this country and the crown. How many lives have you saved, including the King’s own son?”

“Spencer. Stop.” Lennox pulled me closer, roughly cupping my face. “I told you; all I wanted was what I walked in with tonight. You.”

“How long until you resent me? That I won’t be enough?”

His mouth parted to speak, but a noise down the hall jolted all of us to move again, Dalton rushing us out to the car park.

“You need to go before he sends out more reinforcements.” Dalton’s attention flickered around like he was trying to pick up on a frequency I couldn’t hear. “My first duty is to His Majesty, but whatever I can do...” Dalton accompanied us to Lennox’s SUV.

“Thanks.” Lennox shook his hand. “You’ve been a good mate. I’m sorry for putting you in this position.”

“Let’s just say I can empathize.” Dalton’s jaw clicked, a sadness flicking through his expression.

“I know. You’re a stronger man than me.” Lennox dipped his head, opening the car door. “Just know I will have your back if you ever want to change that.”

Dalton nodded slightly. “One last thing, you wouldn’t want to tell me who you think leaked the video for sure, would you?”

Lennox smiled sadly.

“You’re a good man, Lennox.”

“You too, mate.” Lennox climbed into the car.

“I have a feeling the video is more about jealousy than money.” Dalton sighed, turning to me.

I had the same sad smile.

“That’s what I thought. Makes what I have to do to her harder.”

“I know.” I wrapped my arms around him, my words lost, and I tried to convey all he had meant to me. “Since the beginning, Dalton, you were behind me. Kind, supportive, and someone I trusted. Thank you…for everything.”

He squeezed me in return, jerking back when we heard boots stomping toward us. Uniformed guards holding guns, some riding horses, marched toward us.

The King was making sure we were guided all the way to the main street, symbolically kicking us to the curb.

“Go.” Dalton nodded. “I will see to your family personally, Spencer.”

“Thank you.” I gave him one last look, my hand pressed to my chest with appreciation before I jumped into the SUV.

Lennox tore out of the lot, heading down the road.

Every guard who used to wave to us now lined the drive, weapons over their shoulders, ready to use them, their expression like stone—unfriendly and threatening.

Understandably so, many of the friends we thought we had would be turning on us. We would be outcasts. Pariahs. I knew this was just the beginning of what happens to an ‘almost’ princess when she falls from grace because of a sex scandal with her bodyguard.

That wasn’t in the fairytale…

Chapter 23

“Here.” A glass was placed in my hand, and the rich but harsh aroma of scotch permeated my nose, tickling the back of my throat. My feet kept moving, pacing Lennox’s small flat. “Might take the edge off.”

I snorted. Edge off…right. I downed it without hesitation, my muscles so tight and twisted, I could barely breathe. My heart fluttered and screeched as if I was having a heart attack.

Buzzz.

The nonstop hum of people trying to contact me was astounding since very few had this number. Flipping it over in my hand, I recognized the name, hitting the on button.

“Landen!” I cried. “I’ve been texting and calling you over and over.” Along with my parent’s numbers and my aunt and uncle’s, but no one was picking up.

“Sorry, cuz…we were a little busy being chucked out of the palace.” His voice was clipped and low like he was trying not to let anyone else hear. “What the hell, Spencer? What happened? We had guards come up to us and escort us out like we were stealing the china. Is that…is the video real?”

“I’m so sorry.” I broke, walking up to the large windows, the city below quiet and unaware of the scandal about to crash through the country—the calm before the storm.

“So…it’s true.”

“Yes.” I swallowed. His opinion meant more to me than anyone. To have him ashamed or disappointed in me would be a weight I’m not sure I could stand.

“Bloody fuckin’ hell, Spencer,” he hissed into my ear. “What were you thinking? This is bad.”

“I know.” I couldn’t even say I hadn’t been thinking, because I had been. That’s why we both tried to fight it for so long. Though I didn’t think this was how it would come out.

“Right now your mother is sobbing and throwing a fit, while your dad is trying to calm her down. And my mom…feck…it’s like she has shut off. She keeps staring at me with this strange faraway look like she’s either actually seeing me or looking right through me. It’s creeping me out. She hasn’t said a word, and you know that is not like her.”

I knew exactly why she was staring at him. I wondered if she ever let herself truly see the similarity between him and William. But once you knew the truth, there was no denying it.

“Where are you?”

“Waiting for the car to pick us up,” he replied, his tone making me gulp. “The guards are here.”

“God, Landen.” I palmed my face, feeling fresh tears slide down my cheeks. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Hey, I don’t need your apology. I don’t give a shite what those nobles think of us. I care about you and how you are doing. I mean, how did this happen? I thought you were engaged to Theo, though let me say, I thought that was bullshite too.”

“What?”

“I know you. You didn’t want to get married, wear heels and dresses, or attend galas and shake hands of the so-called commoners waiting all day in hopes of seeing you. You are the girl who wants to get into the dirt, wear Chucks, be covered in animal hair and feces and smell like a barnyard, but at the same time have the biggest smile knowing you were helping or saving animals. That was the girl I knew…not a prince’s wife.”

A sob crammed in my throat like a stuffed turkey. “It wasn’t supposed to go this way. Theo and I were going to quietly break up after the holiday. This is going to get so bad. Not just for me, but for you guys.”

“More of an audience for me to give my infamous Freedom monologue to.”

A hiccupped laugh came out of my mouth. I knew he was trying to get me to laugh. That’s what we did for each other. Hysterical wails sounded behind him, instantly dropping guilt on my chest.

My mother.

“The car’s here. I have to go.”

“I will come home tomorrow. I know there is a lot to talk about and handle.”

Landen paused; the silence pregnant with tension.

“Uh…maybe you should wait a day. Let them calm down. And who knows, maybe this won’t be as bad as we think.” He tried to sound light and hopeful. “Though I suggest not going on the internet right now. Bye, cuz.” The cell clicked right as another pitched cry echoed from the background, full of grief.

Like a siren’s call, my fingers shakily tapped at my screen anyway, the news popping up instantly.

“Spencer. Don’t.” Lennox marched to me, still dressed in his suit, his shiny shoes clipping the wood floor.

The headlines inundated my feed.

“Breaking News! Sex Video of Spencer and Bodyguard! Theo Heartbroken!”

“Video: Spencer and Hot Bodyguard Are Caught Together!”

“Spencer Sutton Cheats on Theo!”

“The Future Princess’s Sex Video.”

“Prince Theo, Spencer Sutton, and Royal Guard In Sex Scandal!”

#SlapperSpencer #ScrubberSpencer #CheatingBitch #IHateYou #GVHatesYou #DieSpencer #YoureAWhore

My lungs cinched together, my vision blurring as I read a few of the thousands of tweets already consoling Theo and shredding me into pieces. Vile and hateful, threatening death while very little was said about Lennox, except he’s hot and I certainly must have been the one to pursue him. Because I’m the slut. The whore. The bitch. Woman shaming coming mostly from other women.

“Spencer…” Lennox reached for my hand as I hit the play button, the video of Lennox and me popping up. The horses somewhat blocked us, the video far away and grainy. You could claim it wasn’t us, but it didn’t matter anymore. People don’t care if it is or not. They want the scandal, the juicy gossip that makes their lives a little less boring.

And the truth was…it was us.

They just didn’t know the full truth. But again, they didn’t care; people loved to judge and condemn.

Another video popped up in my feed right after, this one of a teenage girl.

“You’re a fucking slapper, Spencer Sutton! You are the biggest piece of shite in this entire world! How could you cheat on the best man alive? So handsome and sweet. A bloody prince! Fuck you. God, I hate you. We all hate you, actually. I’m glad Theo found out about your skanky arse before he married you. Saw the truth, like we all did. We never thought you were good enough. Not even that pretty. You should do us all a favor and go and die!” She flipped me off on the camera. “Die, you worthless bitch!”

A hand yanked the cell from my fingers, turning it off and chucking it across the room.

Silence echoed off the walls; footsteps from the residents living above cracked in my eardrum.

“Spencer,” Lennox said my name softly.

Hearing his voice broke something inside me, buckling my knees, and I crashed to the floor. Suddenly the weight of my actions crushed the air from my lungs, smothering me under the ocean of grief, guilt, and blame. A sob wrenched up through my body, quaking me in the strength of its sorrow. Folding over my legs, the pain consumed me, clawing and tearing at what was left of my heart.

Arms circled me as he pulled me into his chest, holding me as I sobbed. The posts and messages hurt, but more than anything, it was the idea I would put Lennox and my family through this as well. And there was no stopping it now. The dam had broken, and the rush of hate was coming full speed at us.

“It’s okay,” he muttered into my ear. “We’ll get through this.”

“Will we?” I leaned back, choking through anguish.

“Yes.” His thumbs slid under my eyes, wiping the tears away. “They don’t know you, me, Theo, or the real story. Who cares what they think or say?”

“You make it sound so easy. There is only so long before being a pariah in your own country will break even you.”

“Then we leave.”

“What?” I sat back on my heels.

“There’s nothing holding us here. Hell, the only way I can probably work is to leave this country.”

“I-I can’t just leave my family. What about Gracie? Arthur and Mary?”

“What about them?” He frowned, leaning back. “Leaving doesn’t mean we cut them out of our lives.”

“So easy for you.” A burst of anger came out of nowhere, shooting up my spine as I stood. “You are the hot one, the one I lured in. Both you and Theo. I’m the slut, the temptress who seduced you both unknowingly into my bed. Poor things, the evil woman took advantage of you.”

Lennox pushed onto his feet, his scowl deepening along his forehead. “Why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I hate how it’s always on the woman. Society blames us and judges us for everything. They criticize what we wear, say, and do, while the man can do ten times worse, and everyone shrugs their shoulders, saying boys will be boys.” The room suddenly felt small, the walls closing in.

“I’m not arguing that women are held to an unattainable standard.” He touched my arm, trying to draw me to him.

“No.” I backed away, my chest rising and collapsing, and still, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. “I-I can’t…” The words stuck on my tongue. “I need to get out of here.” I moved to the door.

“It’s the middle of the night.” He darted for me, his arms pressing my spine into his chest, his arms circling me. “Stop.”

“Let me go.” I leaned forward, gasping for air. “Please. I can’t breathe.”

“I’m not letting you go.” He held me tighter, flattening me into his frame, his warmth seeping into the exposed skin, the ballgown still hanging heavily off my frame. “Breathe, Spencer. It will be all right. I’m here.”

A noise curled up from my chest, sounding like a dying animal. My head fell forward, my body going limp in his arms, exhausted and drained.

“You’d be better off without me,” I whispered. “You should run while you can. I’m toxic…”

“No.” He growled in my ear. “Never.”

“I will destroy you.”

“You already have.” His voice was low and husky, nipping at my ear. “I knew the moment I saw you. But when we were in the cupboard together…the bomb may not have obliterated me, but you certainly did. I told you I’m not good at vocalizing my emotions, but know this, Duchess… I’m in love with you.”

A sharp gasp came from me, the deep rumble in my ears sliding over my skin and piercing my heart like a javelin.

“So, if you’re toxic, then I’m toxic with you. Fuck the world. We lived through a terrorist attack. Who gives a shite what they think about us? You really only like animals anyway, right?” His hand slid to my chest, his palm feeling the air heave from me, his declaration shocking my system in a completely different way, cracking a bit of happiness in the dark. “What do you say, Duchess? Fuck the world with me?”

I swiveled around, my gaze going to his, losing myself in his heated stare. Blimey, I was so deeply in love with this guy, there was only one answer to give. “Fuck the world.”

A hungry smile tugged on his mouth, his hand lacing with mine. “Let’s start in the shower and go from there.”

Walking next to him, a smile I never imagined I could possess tonight spread over my face. And I let the rest of the world and their opinion fall away like the dress I was wearing.

Chapter 24

A honk from a car below dragged me out of a shallow slumber. Opening my eyes to the dull morning light, snow clouds painted the room in greys and muted blues. I snuggled deeper into the warmth of the naked body curled around mine. His arm curled over my hip, the soft flutter of his breath skating against the back of my neck in a steady rhythm.

There was a moment of pure bliss, of feeling safe, happy, and in love, before reality came up and spanked me like the bad girl I was. The evil, slutty bitch the world was waking up to.

My gut twisted as I rubbed at my burning eyes. Lennox made sure he exhausted me enough to pass out right away, but my conscience wouldn’t let me sleep for long intervals, bolting my eyes open with a surge of panic. He would soothe me until the rapid beating of my heart ebbed, and I would drift off for a bit.

Rinse and repeat.

I stared out the huge windows. The sky looked the same. The flats and shops were no different. The bustle of people moving down the streets was familiar.

But everything was different. My life had been completely flipped upside down. This wasn’t a private matter between the parties involved. No, this was on the world stage, and everyone was going to have a say on what I did and how I responded to it. There was no winning, no right choice. Whatever I did, it would be the wrong reaction to someone.

My bones aching to move, I slowly tried to move away from the large frame behind me.

“No,” he grumbled, his arms pulling me back against him, curling around my stomach, his mouth snuggling against my ear. “Not yet. It’s only six a.m.”

“You can keep sleeping.”

“Few more minutes.” He gripped me tighter, his voice low and husky. “Before we face what is coming at us. Okay?”

I exhaled, trying to relax back into him, taking in the last moments of peace, where it was just him and me, before the bloodthirsty hyenas out there attacked. Before I confronted the consequences of my actions.

But I couldn’t relax, knowing how much I needed to do: call my father’s lawyers, the royal PR, their lawyers, speak with my family. I had no doubt the media was already camping outside our estate, hoping to get a glimpse of them or me.

“No one knows where you live, right?”

He sighed, loosening his hold. “That lasted thirty seconds.”

“Sorry…I just can’t turn it off.” I sat up, climbing out of the bed. I snatched up his hoodie from the chair, zipping it up against the chill in the air; the feel of encroaching snow crept into my bones.

Today was Christmas Eve.

The day was usually spent with my family. Landen and I would get tipsy by the fireplace, playing games, driving Fredrick nuts, while my sister twirled around, singing Christmas songs relentlessly.

None of those things would happen today.

My mom did not handle challenges well. Either she would get so drunk she’d pass out or never get out of bed at all, not thinking about how much my sister loved the holiday. I felt even more guilty for taking that away from Olivia. She was too young and naïve to be punished for my actions.

“Hey.” Lennox climbed out of bed, striding to me, cupping my face. “You’re going to the dark side.”

“There is no other side.” I stared up at him. “I don’t think you get how bad this will get. I’ve been in this world enough to see when Eloise didn’t greet the princess of Norway the way people thought she should, and she was in the press for months about their feud. The press spun it as jealousy, a fight over a man, or said they were actually in a lover’s tiff. My incident with the animal shelter will seem like rainbows and kittens.”

“And we will get through it. Fight back.” He tipped my face back. “Fuck the world, remember?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Fuck the world.”

He stared down at me, not believing my words.

“You know how I said I’d wait for a truly tequila worthy day?” I swallowed. “I think it’s that day.”

He gripped my face, his mouth grazing mine. “I’m gonna jump in the shower, and then we can start on making a dent in the tequila bottle.” He kissed me deeper then broke away, strolling toward the shower, forcing my gaze on his firm arse flexing as he walked. “Start some coffee if I have any.”

Venturing to his galley kitchen, the sound of the shower turning on brushed at my ears. Searching his cupboards, I found almost all of them bare.

No coffee. Not even tea.

The desperate need for coffee trickled into my veins, digging my teeth into my bottom lip.

Buzzz

The low murmur of my mobile rattled on the surface where I plugged it in. Picking it up without thinking, my mouth parted as my gaze ran over the screen of my very private phone: 45 missed calls, 73 text messages, 2,000 DMs, 89,000 notices of my name being tagged, the number continuing to jump as I stood there.

But it was the latest text that caught my eye, my finger clicking on the number.

Need to talk. Café across the street. Alone. Now.

Lord William’s message iced my veins, turning my head to the window as if he was floating stories up, staring inside. Exhaling, I darted my attention to the bathroom, the shower still running.

Lennox would demand he come with me, but I was in no place to piss William off. The scandal of Landen would level my family. We couldn’t survive that as well. And protecting my cousin was my priority. It was the least I could do after all the crap I’ve caused.

Rushing, I slipped on the jeans and Chucks I had left here, shoving on a ballcap of his and a hooded jacket. I snuck out of the flat, my heart hammering against my chest like I was some thief.

Ducking far into the hood and pulling the bill of the cap down, I stepped outside into the freezing air of December, ice stabbing at my cheeks and nose. Hints of snowflakes teased the sky, the street relatively quiet because of the holiday. I jogged across to the small café filled with takeaway items and baked goods that couldn’t overpower the rich, delicious smell of coffee.

Scanning the place, only a handful of early risers sprinkled around the seating area, reading newspapers or chatting quietly while holiday music played lightly from speakers.

At the last table against the wall sat an older man with a cane, newsboy cap, and dark overcoat, his familiar brown eyes zeroed on me.

Keeping my head bowed, my insides knotted as I noticed the front pages of the trashy tabloids everyone was reading.

Spencer Sutton Caught In Cheating Sex Scandal! Our Prince Heartbroken Over Video!

Locking my jaw, I moved to the table, sliding into the seat across from William.

“You have created quite the scandal.” He stirred the tea in his cup. “I’m not surprised. I did see this coming, after all.”

“What do you want?” I hissed, my gaze darting around the room, making sure no eyes were turning our way. “To brag? Rub it in? Well, good for you. You foresaw what a complete disaster I am. Congratulations.”

“I didn’t come here to brag.”

Snorting, I leaned back in the chair. “Really? So why did you ask me here? Alone, may I add.”

“Because you two being together in public would be noticed.” Damn. He was right. No disguise could really hide Lennox. He stood out, had enough energy and confidence that turned heads.

William smirked, sipping his tea, his emotions locked away. “I also didn’t feel like having my life threatened by him again.”

“You deserved it.”

“Possibly.” The cup clicked as he set it down on the saucer, his eyes finding mine again. “I wanted to talk to you, and I wanted to do it alone.”

“And you thought now was a good time.” I peered over my shoulder again, feeling like the entire room was staring through my layers of clothes, but all were lost in reading about me instead. Little did they know the girl on the front cover was sitting only feet from them.

“I figured this was the last opportunity.”

“How did you even know where I was?”

“Not all that hard to find out. And I’m not even a nosey gossip rag.”

If William found me so fast, that meant paparazzi wouldn’t be far behind.

“You wanted to talk. So…talk.” I crossed my arms, waiting for him to continue.

He exhaled, a ghost of sadness leaking from him. “I’ve decided to step away from public life and return to my country estate, probably to my wife’s horror, but I think it’s time to be somewhat of a husband to her.”

“What?” My lids narrowed. This was not the direction I had seen this conversation going.

“Good or bad, the Royal House isn’t the only thing you have completely spun upside down. What you showed me in the hospital,” he swallowed, glancing to the side, “brought up things in my past I thought I were over, thought I had rectified, only to realize they had consumed me instead. They turned me into someone who spent most of his life bitter and angry. Revengeful. I forgot I had been capable of loving someone. It had turned to hate so long ago, but seeing Landen this time…not seeing Fredrick or the reason she left me, but my son. I realized how much time I had wasted.”

My spine stiffened, fear punching my chest.

“Don’t worry, girl.” A taunting smile tipped his mouth, his finger tapping on the handle of his cane. “Even if you don’t believe me, I couldn’t hurt him, not now. I have destroyed any possibility of my son ever respecting or loving me. I understand it is better for him not to know about me.” He blinked, his irises glossy with emotion. “That is my cross to bear. My choices in life brought me here.” Grief flooded his features before he cleared his throat, regaining himself quickly. “Take it from a miserable old man at the end of his life. No matter what people say to you, don’t make our mistakes. We could have left this all behind. Been happy. And in that life, I would have been a good father, possibly a good man.”

I curled my lip.

“I said possibly,” he retorted, making me snort. He glanced to the side, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “At least I like to think so. I will spend the rest of my life wishing things could have been different, wasting away in the dream of the life I didn’t live.”

Emotion pierced my throat like an arrow. As much as I still wanted to hate him, my heart ached for his loss, for the life he could’ve had if only my aunt chose him instead.

He pushed his cup away, scooting out his chair. “Your family’s debt to me has been nullified. Not that they don’t have other problems, but my connections with your family are done.” His voice was formal and arrogant. He gripped his cane, his fingers touching the brim of his hat. “It’s been… interesting, Ms. Sutton. Getting to know you has changed my life. You are an amazing, strong, fierce, young woman, and I wish you the best in your ventures.” He nodded his head and then took off for the door, his cane clipping the tile as he walked out, never glancing back.

Staring after him, my mouth opened in awe and disbelief, a strange feeling settled in my stomach—a warm buzz of confused fondness, relief, and appreciation. Three feelings I never thought I would have associated with Lord William. I would never forget what he did to me, but I sensed someday I would learn to forgive.

Relieving my family of our biggest debt and confirming he wouldn’t be telling anyone about the truth of Landen’s real heritage, I couldn’t help but feel grateful to the old man.

Sitting for a few more minutes, I tried to wrap my brain around what had happened, but the aroma of coffee taunted me, curling in my nose and dragging me over to the counter. I knew Lennox would be worried, but I was already here…

Keeping my head down, I ordered the coffee and tea and stood over to the side to wait. The door swung open, boisterous voices forcing me to peer over at the door. At least six co-eds, giggling and yelling, stumbled in, dressed in clothes you’d wear to a club, still appearing quite drunk from their outing that looked to be just coming to an end.

Anxiety had me tugging the cap down farther, turning my head deeper into my shields.

“Can you believe it? What a stupid fucking skank!” A blonde girl pointed at a paper lying on the table, trying to stay steady on her cheap, sparkly heels, her hair falling out of its pinned-up style. “Who could possibly cheat on Prince Theo? He’s beyond fit! Daft cow!”

“Always watch out for those sweet, innocent ones, closet slappers every time.” A tall, heavier guy with brown hair laughed. “She sounds just like my type. Got a hard-on watching that video. I would love my turn to make that elitist bitch choke on my dick.”

Air sucked sharply into my lungs, bile rising in my throat, fear and humiliation heating me under the clothes.

“Sounds like she’s got her mouth full for a while.” Another guy made grotesque motions with his hand and mouth. “Guarantee she was giving head to all the guards.”

“Guys, what do we want?” A brunette girl stumbled to the counter, but the rest of them were far too distracted by shiny things to hear her.

The first blonde girl picked up the discarded paper, holding it up.

“I don’t see why Theo or that buff bodyguard even liked her. She’s not that pretty. And talk about a snore. Her put on act of loving animals like she’s fecking Cinderella. Oh, and her spiel after the bombing about thinking about others who had been hurt or died…ugh…what utter bullshite. God, I hate her. Theo’s so hot. If I had the chance to be a princess, never work or have to go to school, simply attend parties and have designers begging to dress me? That girl needs to be slapped. Hard.”

“I’ll do it.” The first guy grabbed his pants, indicating how he would do it.

“Guys, lets order. I’m starving.” The brunette rested on the counter as if it was holding her up. “Especially before the rest of the group gets here.”

As if on cue, the front door swung open, and a cluster of drunk partygoers started to siphon through the doorway, yelling and calling to the group at the counter. “Mate, why is there a shite load of media outside? You didn’t try streaking through the parliament building again, did you? No one wants to see that!” A guy joined the group, his hand pounding on the heavier guy’s shoulder.

Fear gripped my lungs, panic bubbling at the surface. Media?

“Clearly they do.” The guy shrugged.

“It’s strange. Why are they here?” A tall, pretty girl walked up in a very tiny party dress. “Was there a huge celebrity at the club I missed? There are a lot of papzz out there.”

I could feel a panic attack crawling over my bones. They found me already. I needed to get out of here. Now.

“Miss?” A voice yanked my head to the person behind the counter, holding my takeaway cups.

“Thanks,” I muttered, seizing them out of her hands. The loud voices and laughing clawed down my vertebrae, pimpling my skin with terror.

Keep your head down. Walk fast.

Set to beeline for the exit, I whipped around right as the blonde faltered on her heels, staggering into my path, colliding into me.

A gush of hot coffee and tea sprayed up in a surge, splattering her glittery dress, running down her front, and I spotted her horror-stricken face.

Oh. Fuck. No.

Her mouth stayed parted in shock, her eyes shifting from disbelief to fury in a blink. “You daft twit! Look what you did!” She squealed like a pig, motioning to her dress, causing the entire café to turn to us, moving in closer to see.

Terror gripped my lungs like two hands, freezing me in place, sweat trailing down my spine. Like a cornered, wild animal, fear fluidly transferred into primal instinct.

Flight or fight.

“My dress is ruined.” The girl continued to squawk, but she sounded far away as my gaze darted around the throng condensing in, blocking my exit.

“Hey?” The girl waved a hand in front of my face, tilting her head to try and see my face beneath the cap. “You are either buying me a new dress or paying for dry cleaning. Are you listening to me? Hello?” She slanted enough to get a glimpse of my face, her eyebrows furrowing. “Wait a minute…” Oh no, oh no. Her eyes widened along with her mouth. “Holy! Shite! You’re…you’re…”

The need to flee rammed me in the arse, spurting me forward. “Sorry,” I muttered, shoving past her and through the crowd.

“Wait! Stop!” the girl yelled, her friends huddling together to stop me from leaving.

“Let me out!” I rasped out, pushing against the wall they built, panic leaking off each syllable. “Please!”

“That’s Spencer Sutton,” the blonde screamed out, excitement in her tone, but not the good kind.

There was a second of shocked silence before the room flipped on its head, swirling me with terror and motion.

“Spencer. Spencer. Spencer. Spencer!” My name volleyed around like a threat, bodies shoving in around me, bouncing me like a pinball. Hands grabbed for me, tearing at my clothes, nails driving into my skin.

“Let me go.” I tried to shove back, wiggling between two people.

A large hand wrapped around my waist, yanking me back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” The husky guy growled into my ear. “I heard you are really good at sucking cock. I’m gonna make you choke.”

“Get off me.” My elbow rammed into his stomach, causing him to loosen his grip. My frame bolted forward, about to reach the door, before hands yanked the back of my hood, pulling it back roughly. It cut into my throat like a noose, my arse hitting the floor with a thud. The group leapt for me, snarling and screaming.

“Stop or I’m calling the police!” I heard an employee yell, but the pack from the Lord of the Flies was too far in their bloodlust to take heed.

“You think you’re so much better than us?” The brown-haired guy snarled over me, showing his true ugliness. “You noble, uptight bitches think you’re so above us commoners. But we saw, Spencer. You’re just a basic slag that needs to be taught her place.”

He gripped the hoodie again, yanking me up to my feet, the cap falling from my head, my long hair tumbling down my back. If some weren’t sure it was me before, they had no doubt now.

“I may not be better than anyone else,” I snarled, rolling on the balls of my feet. “But I’m better than a manky tosser like you.” I bit down on his hand. The moment he let go, I lurched for the door again, the sound of his anger busting behind me. I stepped one foot out the door before a palm hit the back of my head, smacking my face into the pavement with a crunch. Tears instantly stung my eyes as pain sizzled up my nose, blood splattering over the cement.

“You bitch!” The guy seized my hair, yanking my head painfully back as figures crowded around me. “You will pay for that.”

“Look! We have Spencer the slutty whore here!” The blonde waved at the media waiting down the street very close to Lennox’s flat. Not caring who the girl actually was, they ran like hungry piranhas, sensing blood in the water—a tidbit to sell to papers.

It was their lucky day.

“Holy shite! It is Spencer,” a guy with a camera yelled, as more popped up behind him.

The media’s appearance shot the energy into a frenzy, turning the crowd feral.

“You are nothing but a slag! You should have never been with the Prince! You are nothing!” A pointy shoe slammed into my ribs, hacking a cough up my lungs. “He deserved better than you. Good riddance to you.” Her actions and words set off a frenzy, the guys howling with encouragement as several girls clawed and kicked at me. The bitter taste of blood dripped down my nose to my lips, pained groans huffing from every kick or punch.

Memories returned of being kicked and stomped in the club I went to the first night I lived at the palace. Then everything was innocent and sparkly. Now the fists and shoes kicked and punched me on purpose. I was a victim of events getting out of hand.

“Stop.” I tried to rise and fight back, but the brown-haired guy shoved me back down, my head smacking the pavement with an excruciating crunch, shredding agony down my veins, locking air in my lungs. He laughed as the girls dove in for more.

“Die, bitch!”

“You are the vilest piece of shite!”

“Skank!”

“I hate you!”

“This is for Theo!”

“Unworthy trash!”

The media lapped it up, doing nothing to help, recording and moving around like this was a movie scene.

A gurgle choked in my throat, pain freezing me, not able to gain footing with so many attacking me. I curled into a ball, cheers and hoots echoing in my ears as someone tossed a yogurt on me from the café, spattering over my face, followed by an apple, then scalding tea.

My cries stuck in my throat, not able to catch my breath as a handful of people spit, jabbed, kicked, or threw things at me. Red liquid dripped in my eyes, forcing me to shut them.

“Stop! I called the police,” a woman cried from the store.

No one stopped.

A haze formed around me, and I felt darkness sucking me into the vortex, needing to escape the pain.

“Spencer?” His voice was like a beacon, lifting my lashes, drawing my gaze through the crowd, seeing Lennox step out of the flat building, his form stiffening when he spotted me. “Spencer!” My name bellowed out, ringing through the morning air like a bell. He sprinted to me, his expression twisted into pure determination and fury, his shoulders expanding with rage. “Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Her!” His demand boomed through the crowd like a vengeful angel. “NOW!”

His size and anger jolted fear through the mob; they gasped and drew back from me.

“Oh my god, it’s him! It’s the bodyguard! So, it really is true!” The blonde gasped in disbelief.

Her words sliced through me like a knife. She attacked me—all of them did—and they hadn’t even been sure of my guilt. They still didn’t know me or the truth but were willing to punish me for something that had nothing to do with them.

“I. Said. Move.” Lennox growled with vibrating wrath, dropping down to my side. Everyone stumbled back, except the husky guy.

“Why?” He tried to loom over Lennox. “You’re no better than her, wanker.”

Lennox peered up to him. “I will fuckin’ kill you without you even having the chance to blink.”

“What the fuck—?”

In a flash, Lennox popped up, his fist smashing into the guy’s face, sending him flying into the crowd. His body fell to the ground with a loud thump, blood spraying from his nose. Lennox knocked him out cold. His friends gaped, their gaze darting nervously between Lennox and their friend. But no one moved to defend him.

Lennox dropped next to me, his hands going to my face. “Spencer…” He gulped, terror lighting up his fierce tiger eyes. I tried to speak, but nothing came out.

Sirens in the distance jolted the mob awake. Shouting and running, the crowd took off, suddenly afraid of the costs of their actions.

“Stay with me, Duchess.” Lennox’s fingers rubbed over my cheeks, coming off drenched in my blood. “Don’t you dare go anywhere.” His Adam’s apple bobbed, prickling fear in my gut, as if what he was looking at didn’t match the emptiness inside. I didn’t feel pain; I couldn’t feel anything. Nothing in me seemed attached; I felt like I could float away. The only thing keeping me here was him.

Swirls of white and blue lights glowed behind his head, igniting his beautiful hazel eyes. I tried to reach up, to touch him, but again nothing happened. Darkness crept into my vision, and suddenly I felt beyond exhausted.

Sleep…

“No! Stay with me, Spencer.” I heard him call to me, but I couldn’t obey. The fight was no longer mine as I drifted into the peaceful nothing.

Chapter 25

Something picked at my tranquility, prying it open, drawing me out of serenity. A steady beep harped in my ears like a mosquito buzzing around. My lids were sticky and heavy, as if they were lined with paste. It took several tries to pry them open.

I blinked, my brain slowly absorbing my surroundings. Sterile and white, I took in a hospital room, the hisses and clicks of medical equipment beeping out my heartbeat, oxygen being pumped up my nose. What I assumed was a morphine drip in my arm, numbing me enough to feel warm and toasty, disguised the pain throbbing through my bones.

My gaze shifted to two figures passed out in chairs on either side of me. Landen was folded up like a pretzel in one, snoring. Lennox was in the other, his hand curled around mine, his head tipped back against the chair. His stubble was thick, his clothes wrinkled, his expression both stern and exhausted, even in sleep. He was drop-dead sexy, but I saw nothing but the soul underneath, creating a flood of love to submerge my chest, making it swell with air.

I loved him so much. My thumb twitched, stroking his fingers, needing to feel his skin. His head bolted up before his eyes even opened, trained to react instantly to a threat or warning.

“Spencer?” He croaked, swiveling to me, his gaze full of hope. “Hey, you’re awake.” He swallowed back an emotion that looked like relief and anguish, his hand squeezing mine. “Bloody hell.” He swallowed again, his gaze devouring my face.

My lips parted, but as if a desert had moved into my mouth, scratching down my throat, my voice got stuck at the back of my throat.

“Here.” He picked up a glass of water next to my bed, holding it as I suckled from it like a newborn. His gaze wouldn’t stop running over me with a softness I had never seen before, tapping a nerve at the back of my neck.

“How—how long?” I whispered hoarsely.

Lennox rubbed his knuckles over my face, brushing through my hair. “Over a week.”

“Wh-aat?”

“You had swelling in your brain. Internal bleeding.” He swallowed roughly again. “There was a moment we didn’t know…if…”

If I would live.

I nodded, my lashes flicking to the side, staring at my cousin.

“He wouldn’t leave your side, either,” Lennox said. “Your whole family has been here, but I convinced them to go back to the hotel and get some rest and promised I would call them when you woke up.” He let go of my hand to reach for his cell. “I should—”

“No,” I croaked. “Not yet.”

My family was a lot to handle, and I needed a little more time to prepare myself.

“I don’t know them well, but not once have they brought up the scandal. I think this actually woke them up to what was really important. They want you to be all right. They love you, Spencer. Take it from me. You are lucky to have them.”

Peering back at Landen, I knew I was. As much as they could be a pain in my arse, they were still my family, and I loved them more than anything.

“I have been sitting here all week, going through every possibility of why…why you left the flat without me, why you didn’t wait.”

“Lord William.” I pushed through my teeth.

“What?”

“He wanted to meet me.”

“Without me.” Lennox’s jaw jumped with a nerve. “That bloody wanker…”

“It’s okay.” I placed my hand on his. “He wanted to talk to me. It’s over. My family, me…we’re off the hook with him.”

Lennox’s eyebrows curved up in doubt.

He had every right to mistrust William, but I knew in my gut Lord William was earnest in this new leaf. I felt like I saw him finally close the door on his revenge when he walked away from my Aunt Lauren. There was always the possibility he could return to stir up drama in our lives, but right now, I believed he was doing the right thing…for his son.

Was my family completely in the clear? No, we still were broke and owed money on our land, which we still didn’t have means to pay for. But that was their problem to solve. I would no longer try to protect them from their own bad decisions.

“Fuck, Spencer. You scared me.” Lennox shifted closer to me. “I almost lost you. I-I can’t go through that again. To see you in this bed, in a coma…” His eyes glazed with liquid.

Damn, that must have been excruciating, having Gracie down the hall in her forever slumber. “It’s not your fault.”

“I should have been there.”

“I’m not your charge anymore. And I don’t need you to watch over me like a helpless damsel.”

“Really?” He motioned to me.

“No.” I reached up to his face, my arms shakier than I thought. “We are equals. You can’t constantly protect me from the world.”

“Spencer.” Leaning over me, his voice went low and gruff. “I will always watch over your body…very closely.” His mouth grazed mine, about to kiss me, when footsteps clipped at the entrance, jolting Lennox up defensively.

My head fell to the side, my eyes rolling over the tall, fit figure, dressed in his usual impeccable suit. What the hell was he doing here?

Suddenly, another guard I recognized slipped to the wall right across the room.

Peter, Eloise’s guard.

A figure, dressed in a cap, jeans, sweater, and huge hooded jacket that engulfed her petite frame strode in my room with confidence you couldn’t cloak. No disguise could hide the Princess of Great Victoria.

“Eloise?” I rasped, my mouth dropping in surprise. “Wha-what are you doing here?” She was one of the last people I ever imagined seeing here.

She nodded at Dalton. He looked to me first, dipping his head. “I am so happy you are all right. I was very worried about you.”

“Thank you, D-man.” I blinked back my emotions.

He tipped his head at Lennox, giving him a smile before stepping out of the room, shutting the door.

“He wouldn’t let me come without him.” Eloise tossed out as if she had to give reason to his presence. “He’s exhausting to fight when he gets like that.”

Lennox and I stared at her, her gaze drifting down to my cousin, who still snored from the chair. Landen was the person who could sleep anywhere and anytime, with commotion going off around him and never even roll over.

Eloise shifted on her feet, feeling our focus on her. She sucked in, lifting her head. “You are probably wondering what I am doing here. I never thought I would want to see you again.”

I flinched but nodded my head in understanding.

“However, after what happened to you…” She motioned to me. “When Dalton told me you almost didn’t make it, I no longer felt like I hated you. What happened to you was beyond horrific, and it only occurred because of us. Because you fell in love and out of love with a prince, the world feels they have the right to condemn you.” Her lashes fluttered. “They could have killed you.” Her voice cracked, but swiftly she rolled back her shoulders, tucking back any emotion in her voice. “The group was caught on the store video camera, and I will make sure they are made examples of. I will make it known the Royal House does not tolerate this kind of behavior, no matter what. Theo has made a statement about the breakup, saying it was mutual, and happened before the video, and to respect you both during this private and awful time.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank Theo for me.”

She nodded, staring at the floor. “I understand, Spencer…more than you know.” Her lashes lifted to mine. “But he’s my brother. My support will always be with him.”

“As it should be.” I shifted, trying to sit up more. “I am sorry. You don’t know how much. Hurting your brother will always haunt me, but hurting you is also a deep regret of mine. For what it’s worth, I am so sorry. Your friendship meant more to me than anything while I was there, and I hate that I lost it.”

“Yeah.” Her lips rolled together. “I don’t have many girlfriends, as you know. But this is probably the last time I will ever see you.” She cleared her throat, her princess persona switching on. “I’ve come here, not just as an ex-friend, or at my brother’s suggestion—as you know, there was no way he could personally come down here—but for my father and the Royal House as well.”

My gut twisted, knowing this incident probably only angered the King. Another mess for him to clean up.

“No matter what we say, the attacks on you physically and in the media won’t stop.” She glanced at Lennox, both sharing a look, making me curious as to what was being said about me now. “Everywhere you go will end up a media frenzy. It won’t stop; they will hound you, pursue you, chase after you… next time you might not be so lucky.”

Lennox’s fingers curled into my blanket. I twined my fingers through his, trying to ease his tension.

I saw Eloise’s gaze take in our linked hands, but instead of anger, I saw a flinch of sorrow. Longing.

“Money has been transferred to this account.” She abruptly stepped forward, pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket. “We advise you leave the country. Find a place where you can disappear for a while.”

“What?”

“We are not saying forever, but for the foreseeable future…” Eloise’s eyes softened, her head tilting. “It’s for the best, Spence. You are not wanted here.”

I sucked in, feeling the stab.

“This country will destroy you. Rip everything from you and laugh as they squash you. I know it’s harsh, but for your safety, please leave. Enjoy your life with Lennox. Don’t ever look back.”

She set the piece of paper on the rolling tray.

“I don’t want the house’s money,” I snapped, hating they could still dictate my life.

“Don’t be stupid.” She shook her head. “Take it. Start a new life. Away from all this bullshite.” Envy dripped off her face and words. She quickly hid it, taking in a breath. “Goodbye, Spencer.” She whipped around, rushing through the door. Dalton was right there waiting for her, his gaze giving away his concern as she brushed by him.

He gave each of us a nod before the two guards disappeared down the hall after the princess.

Lennox picked up the paper.

“I can’t take that money.”

“Yes, you can.” He peered at me. “She’s right. It’s not safe for you to stay here.”

“How bad is it out there? What are they saying about me?”

“That’s not important.” He moved closer to me. “Do you want a life with me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then let’s go. Start over.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know; we’ll figure it out.” He leaned over me, his mouth close to mine. “There’s nothing but heartache, tragedy, danger, and pain here. I was a breath away from losing you. I will not let that happen…do you get that, Spencer? Not on my watch and not to them.” He flicked his head toward the door, indicating the outside world. “I would not survive if anything happened to you.” His lips grazed over mine. “I’ve lost too many I’ve loved. I can’t lose you.”

Could I? Could I leave all this? But what did I exactly have here? My family, yes, but there was no doubt we’d probably lose our home. I had no friends, schooling, job, or ties here. No future. Who would risk taking me on? I would be a liability to any job, school, or new friend. No one would want me, my life always under threat.

“So how about it, Duchess? Want to run away with me? Leave all this bullshite behind?”

Take it from a miserable old man at the end of his life. No matter what people say to you, don’t make our mistakes. We could have left this all behind. Been happy.

“Probably the morphine talking, but,” a small smile curved up my mouth, no doubt about the answer screaming from my heart, from my soul. “Fuck. Yes.”

Lennox’s mouth crashed down on mine. The feel of his lips shot hunger and warmth through my veins, bringing me back to life.

“What? What’s going on?” Landen snorted, popping up, turning our heads to him. Rubbing his face, he peered around as if he had no clue where he was. His gaze landed on us, eyes widening with such an innocent, happy expression. “Hey! Look who is finally awake!”

A snorted chuckle hitched up my nose, laughter pouring through my healing body like light. Ignoring the pain striking in my body, I grabbed my cousin, yanking him on the bed with Lennox and me.

I had no idea what was in front of me. No doubt there were many bumps in the road and moments that might break me, but with these guys at my side, I knew I could get through anything.

Fuck the fairytales. I might not live happily ever after, but I would live fiercely. An adventurous, exciting, full life with many ups and downs with the man I loved.

Epilogue

Two years later

Heat soaked through the canvas walls, curling over my frame like a blanket, sweat already trickling down my half-naked body. The tank and knickers I was wearing were already stuck to my skin. The thick smell of dirt, animals, baking earth, and a scent unique to Africa filled my nose like the most delicious coffee, pulling me out of dreamland. The excited chirping and baying from Ebele nearby parted my lids to the early morning, a smile forming on my lips.

Ebele was our newest orphan elephant, coming to us at only a few weeks old. I had spent a week sleeping in her pen to make sure she survived the night and let her know she wasn’t alone. Her mother had been slaughtered for her ivory, leaving the calf traumatized and heartbroken. She didn’t eat for three days. After losing two prior baby calves before her, I was determined to keep her alive. Life and death came with the territory, especially here, but it still broke me in half, like I lost a family member.

Roars from the lions and lionesses and crazy bird-sounding chirps from the cheetahs told me they were about to be served their breakfast.

Rolling over in the large empty bed, I snuggled into my pillow, knowing I had at least another hour or two before I had to get up after working the late shift last night. But hearing the animals, I also understood sleep was pointless, their excited cheers for food made me want to jump up immediately and be out there with them.

Peering around the large permanent tent cabin, I couldn’t help but grin. Decorated for Christmas, the room was about as far from my life two years ago as you could get. Built a few feet off the ground because of the rainy months here, the wood floor was worn and creaky. The sizeable one-room tent held a fourposter bed, dripping with netting to keep the bugs out, a desk, rug, book stand, two wardrobe cupboards, and two side chairs, which seemed to be used more for my clothes rack than to sit. The roof went up to a tall peak, with a light dangling from above. A small deck with chairs was built at the front, where I had spent many nights watching the animals roam around as the sun descended on the South African horizon, drenched with purples, oranges, reds, and golden yellows. I had never seen a sunset or sunrise more breathtaking than I had here.

If someone told me when I was living in the palace I would end up training under one of the most brilliant woman vets I could ever hope for, caring for orphaned and injured animals in a conservation reserve in South Africa, two years into my degree to be a vet, I would have called them crazy.

From that moment in the hospital when I decided to jump on this roller coaster and leave Great Victoria behind, I had no idea the ride it would take me on—good and bad. Since then, I’ve had moments of pure bliss and excitement, as well as devastating pain and loss.

My hand ran over the empty spot next to me in the bed, a deep sigh huffing my lips, shoving back the sudden rush of grief. Rolling over again, my mind reached back to memories I tried to avoid. Pain chased you down no matter where you hid in the world. The death of someone you loved could find you anywhere. It had only been six months, but it still felt fresh, sitting on me like one of the rhinos outside.

Reaching over, I picked up the clock on the nightstand, the numbers telling me it wasn’t even six a.m. yet, the heat already stifling.

Welcome to December in Kruger, South Africa. Christmas Eve.

Two years ago today, I was engaged to a prince, living in a palace. It was the day everything changed.

Out here, I didn’t hear much about the royals. People’s lives were consumed with getting food in their bellies and clean water, not being murdered, raped, or dying of a disease, making royal drama a faraway world. But when I went into a bigger town, I saw a magazine with Theo on the cover, suggesting he had gone off the rails, making himself front-page news with drinking, drugs, and sex scandals of his own. It tore at my heart, knowing I might be the reason. Whatever he was going through, I wished him the best. He was a good guy; he just needed to find his way again. The guilt of what I did to him would always haunt me, but when you lose someone, perspective shifts, and you realize how little all that bullshite meant.

Titles. Galas. Etiquette. All of it was empty and meaningless.

Lifting my arm, I touched the picture on the nightstand, tracing over the figure no longer here, the ache in my heart flooding tears into my eyes.

His death was my fault too…

“Hey…” A husky voice came from behind me, boots tumbling onto the wood floor as they were yanked off his feet, the bed creaking with weight as a body curled in behind mine. “You okay? We lose an animal? I saw Ebele…”

“No, they’re fine.” I twisted my head, peering up into a set of wolf eyes glowing in the bright morning light, his face covered with dirt and deeply bronzed from the sun. Everything in my chest loosened, the sensation of peace and joy filled me like a bloody Christmas song. I reached up, touching the heavy stubble on his chin.

Lennox Easton. Bugger all…I was even more in love with him than ever.

Through all the tribulations we went through because of my dodgy past, there was never a day I regretted taking that leap with him. He was my rock, my best friend. He read me better than anyone, challenged me, made me laugh, and gave me so many orgasms, I was surprised I had any brain cells left in my head. He added so much happiness to my life and pushed me to follow my dreams to become a veterinarian, no matter how long it took online. I was getting hands-on experience here. Dr. Mekena treated me more like an assistant doctor than she did a subordinate. She even let me watch her do surgeries and walked me through as she did them. Out here, it was all hands on deck. They didn’t have the luxury to have an extra pair of hands stand idly to the side because they didn’t have a certificate yet.

“I was just thinking…”

“Uh-oh.” He laid me on my back, crawling between my legs, his fully clothed body pressing into mine. “Do I need to put a stop to that?” He smirked, his fingers softly trailing down my side, sliding underneath my tank.

“Possibly.” My hands skated up his muscular arms, the man even more fit now, feeling grime coat my palms, my eyebrow raising. “You are filthy.”

“Yes, I am.” He winked cheekily, his mouth capturing mine, kissing me so deeply, my back bowed up into him.

“I hated waking up to you gone,” I muttered, our breaths already speeding up.

“Got called out at three a.m. Zuri spotted poachers camping by the river, waiting for daybreak to shoot the animals coming to drink.” His lip lifted in disgust, but he quickly returned to kissing me. I relished the feel of his lips dragging down my neck, and I tipped my head back, my legs curling around him.

Lennox had found his calling here like it had been waiting for him his whole life. His extensive military training made him the best security and bodyguard around. He protected us from wild animals if they got into camp or when we went out into the reserve, but more from poachers and drug runners willing to kill if we got in their way. Since arriving, I had been shot at over a dozen times. This kicked in my PTSD, the bombing sometimes flaring up like a volcano. But talking about it with Lennox and calling it out when it happened seemed to ease the night terrors.

One time, a group tried to sneak into our camp to murder us, while others went after our animals and medicine. Lennox was having none of it.

The story of the lone white man taking on so many assailants like some superhero spread far and fast, turning him into some kind of legend. Men from far-off villages were trekking here daily to train with Lennox, wanting to become part of his army protecting the reserve and caregivers.

Not all were happy about this new group of warriors who roadblocked their way to a profit, but the team was thrilled to have Lennox and money came in from the corporations to pay for him and his men. Zuri was Lennox’s righthand man, and together with over a dozen men, Lennox’s security business was growing quickly into a thriving company. It also was nice that Zuri’s brother was a local policeman.

I couldn’t be prouder of my man.

“You get them?” I gasped as his hands tore the tank over my head, his mouth covering my breast.

“Let’s say the police station has three Christmas gifts tied up in a bow waiting for them on the steps,” he muttered over my skin, directing his mouth to the neglected breast, sucking and flicking at my nipple.

“Oh, god.” I arched into him, my finger tugging off his t-shirt, breaking our connection for a moment before we crashed back into each other with even more hunger. Our sex life only seemed to be getting more intense and passionate. And louder. But here, sex did not embarrass people like it did in uptight Great Victoria, where even showing emotion was frowned on. That place was grey and dull.

I lived in color now.

My hands tore at his trousers, yanking them down his hips. Our skin sticky and hot, our bodies moved together in sync.

“Bloody hell, Spence. I still can’t get enough of you.” He yanked down my knickers, his fingers sliding through me, pumping into me. My teeth dug into my bottom lip as I groaned. Our need for each other skipped to feral and desperate. “I apologize, Duchess…this might be quicker than I’d like. You know how I get after a night like that.”

I did, and I loved it. Hunting and fighting poachers got him all riled up and full of testosterone, which needed an outlet.

One I happily provided. “Good. Screw foreplay…I want you inside me now.”

He hissed at my directness, his hand pushing up my leg as he thrust into me, pushing my head back into the pillow with a loud gasp, his deep moan filling the space under the netting. Euphoria lit up every nerve, stealing my breath, forcing noises that could rival the animals outside.

Clutching my hands, he pinned them above my head as he rocked into me, pushing in deeper, my body matching his fevered intensity.

“More…god…Lennox. Don’t stop,” I cried out, feeling the buzz of my release coming.

“Remember, Duchess…I don’t plan to. Ever.” He growled, repeating a phrase he said to me our first time together. “Mine.”

Yes. It was. And everything else that came along with it.

He hitched my leg higher, slamming into me, hitting even deeper, one hand grabbing the headboard, using it to thrust harder. The bed creaked, shifting loudly over the wood floor, the tent shaking with our intensity.

“Fuuucck…” Lennox hissed through his teeth. Freeing one hand, he rubbed at my core, spiraling me out of my body. A boisterous cry broke from my lips as I broke apart, shattering in pieces. He bellowed over me, his hips pushing so deep I started to shake, my body overloaded with sensations as we both came crashing down to earth together, his body collapsing on mine. Our heavy breaths mixed, skin dripping with sweat, our gazes locked on each other.

“Good morning.” He grinned down, his mouth brushing mine.

A smile reached my ears. “Good. Morning.”

“Now I definitely need to take a shower before my shift.”

“I can join you.”

“No. I think we scarred Noah and Amelia last time when they caught us.” Noah was one of Lennox’s new guards from Australia, and Amelia was an American girl in her later twenties who was also doing the same thing I was. We had become really good friends.

“Like those two weren’t going in there for the same thing.”

“She says they’re only friends.”

Lennox snorted, his body sliding off mine, flopping onto his pillow. “We’ll see after the party tonight.” He arched his brow. “You know how holiday parties can get.” He stuffed an arm under his head.

“And birthday parties,” I countered. The night of the holiday party, my entire world had started to change, but the night of the King’s birthday, my life totally changed. All because of the man lying next to me. “You said to me that night to tell you to walk away, to stop…would you have if I did?”

With his free hand, he reached over, touching my face.

“Not a chance,” he rumbled. “I was already long gone when it came to you. I was just trying to give you an out.”

“I don’t want an out…ever,” I said softly.

A strange expression flittered over his face, his lips pressing together, giving way to a moment of muteness between us, fluttering a twinge of fear through my stomach.

“What?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You got weird. Anything wrong?”

“Nope. Everything is perfect.” He shook his head, a smile widening his features, feeling a little forced.

“O-kay. I better get moving. You get some sleep.”

“Yeah.” He tossed my pillow over his eyes with a groan. “I only have a few hours before I need to head to the airport to pick up Landen.”

I hopped out of the bed with an excited chirp. Landen had decided to spend Christmas with me this year. He was bringing his “special friend,” and it sounded like things were getting really serious between them. I couldn’t wait to see him. Over the last couple of months, after losing his father to a heart attack, he had been going through some rough patches.

Grabbing my bathroom stuff, I headed to the toilet, the morning sun already beating down on me.

My family had also gone through a lot of these past two years, but I felt they had finally found peace when Uncle Fredrick died. The doctors said that stress probably killed him. How could I not think it was my fault?

Even with Lord William nullifying their loan with him, my family couldn’t keep up with the bills, and the house suddenly became a hotbed of paparazzi, curious travelers, bitter Theo fans, and hungry press looking for a tidbit. When Oliva got bullied and beat up at school, my parents decided it was enough. Fredrick and Lauren, being blackballed from society, felt they had no reason to stay. They all decided to hand over the estate to the bank and leave the country, moving to America. Nara and John stayed on the property, hired to keep it up as they opened it to the public. She kept me updated, saying the place was packed, everyone wanting to see where the infamous Spencer Sutton grew up. She’d laugh and tell them shocking stories of my life there, like how messy I left my room, or when I nicked extra cookies. I loved that woman.

My mother’s distant cousin lived in New York and encouraged my family to visit. They did and ended up staying. America was vastly different than Great Victoria. What was seen as a scandal and snubbed there was greedily welcomed in the U.S. They loved the seedy rumors and drama surrounding my family. My going from almost a princess to the salacious video and decline made them practically famous there. They were suddenly the toast of New York, not an embarrassment, because any publicity in America was seen as a good thing, especially if it was scandalous.

They finally seemed happy, making friends and always going off to social gatherings. Then Uncle Fredrick died, which sent Aunt Lauren into a tailspin. Now she was suddenly gallivanting off to Thailand and taking yoga classes in Nepal, turning her back on her social clique and instead going to Cambodia for Christmas with a spiritual guide.

While everyone thought she lost her mind, I was the only one who thought she might actually be trying to find herself again. The person she lost when she chose to stay with Fredrick, turning her back on her heart.

I almost made the same mistake.

Making a detour to Ebele’s pen on my way to the shower, her trunk lifted in greeting as she ran in circles, chirping excitedly at seeing me, I realized I would have lost more than my heart.

I would have lost my soul.

“This is beautiful, Ava.” I circled the main dining room, the place decorated with lights, homemade ornaments, and cut out streamers the kids in the village created themselves. The tree glistened from the corner, packages sitting underneath, waiting to be opened. But hardly anything under them was bought from a store. Homemade or done by the local women in the village, presents were special here. It was not about the pile or how many you got. It was all about the sentiment inside.

Christmas music blared from speakers, which we’d be singing throughout the night, enjoying each other’s company. This was home for everyone who worked at the animal sanctuary. We were a family. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else than with these people I had grown to love so much over the last year. I called my parents earlier, speaking to them and Olivia, getting them to promise to come here next year.

Feeding and checking up on all our orphans and hurt animals, the day had sped by, and now I had come in to help Ava and the others set up.

Ava was like our house mom. Married to Zuri, she was the cook and was the happiest, most joyous person I had ever met. The woman was like a living Santa Claus, her aura so pure, you wanted to hug her all the time, hoping that pureness would rub off on you. Every day and every minute, she always spoke about how much she had to be grateful for. People here had so much less, and they were ten times happier and more appreciative of what they did have.

“Thank you.” She smiled, and even under her dark skin, you could see the blush of my compliment curling up into her eyes. She motioned me over. “Come. Come. Try my holiday punch.”

“Uh-oh. I heard about this stuff. Dangerous.” I took the cup from her, the smell of alcohol already burning my nose. Lennox and I didn’t get to spend the holiday here last year, meeting Arthur and Mary in Spain instead. But I had heard all about it, making me wish we had.

Tipping it back, it tasted sweet and strong, my eyes watering as I hit my chest. “Wow. That’s good,” I rasped out.

“Think you’ll need it. Calm your nerves.” Ava refilled my cup.

“Calm my nerves?” I replied, waving as Amelia, Dr. Mekena, Noah, and a group of other caregivers and guards strolled into the large open room.

Ava winked, walking away.

“Okay.” I took another sip, turning to my friends. “Mel.” I hugged Amelia, already feeling warm from the potent punch. “You have to try this.”

“Oh, god…that stuff had me dancing on top of the piano last year.” She brushed back her blonde hair, taking a full cup off the table, her sweet round face pink from being outside…or it was from the tall, strapping Australian watching her from the other side of the room? “Think I even wore my skirt on my head as I sang YMCA.”

“I bet you’ll be wearing your skirt on your head again, but for completely different reasons.” I nudged her playfully, her gaze following mine across the room. Her cheeks flushed red, her head jerking back like she had been caught red-handed. “We’re just friends. He doesn’t like me like that.”

“Don’t think he’d agree. We’ll see by tomorrow. Christmas always has a way of bringing out the truth.”

She peered at me, understanding my meaning. She knew about my history and who I was. Most here did, but no one cared, which made me love all these people so much more.

“Take it from me. Don’t push away what you want because you’re scared. It has a way of still finding a way back and blowing up in your face.”

She rubbed my arm, empathy oozing from her. “But look what you have now. And you and Lennox…we all know how amazing you two are together because we hear it at least two or more times a day.” She bumped my arm back.

A blush heated my face; still, I couldn’t let go of the odd moment with him earlier. “It took a lot of heartache and pain, but yeah, I wouldn’t give any of it up, because it brought me here. I love everything about my life now.”

“Speaking of your sexy man…” She tipped her head to the doorway, Lennox strolling through dressed in grey cargo pants and a black shirt, his hungry gaze landing on me from across the room, robbing the air from my lungs, forcing me to squeeze my legs together.

“Fuck that man makes my panties drop.” Amelia shook her head, laughing.

I handed her my drink as I made my way across the room. The moment his boots hit mine, his mouth consumed me with a rumble in his throat.

“You have someone with you, right?” I mumbled against his lips, peering over his shoulder.

“Well…”

“What do you mean? He came, right? Did he not make it?” Words tumbled out, a rush of tears choking my throat. I hadn’t seen Landen in two years. They all convinced me not to come home for Fredrick’s funeral, as Aunt Lauren decided to have his ashes sprinkled back at the Manor. She and Landen did it privately.

“Spence…”

“No. He needs to be here… What happened?”

“Silence, my kinfolk! This is tradition!” A booming voice pushed through the door, his arms open wide, his face set in an expression I knew too well. Glee jumped up my throat like an excited child, happy tears replacing the sad ones. “Dying in your beds many years from now…”

“Oh, god.” My hand went to my mouth, trying to keep in the rush of emotions coming over me as he started the famous movie quote he did every Christmas. Our tradition.

“Would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance… Just one chance…” He held up his finger, stepping deeper into the room, the performer in him lapping up the new crowd taking him in. He was such a ham.

“To come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take …” He paused dramatically, the room silent, all eyes on him, waiting.

“Our freedom,” he bellowed out, tipping his head back dramatically.

Instantly the room broke into cheers and clapping as I ran to Landen, his arms wrapping around me in the best hug.

“You’re here!” I squeezed him, my feet bouncing with excitement.

“Cuz, I wouldn’t have skipped this for the world.” He tucked into me, hugging me tightly. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Tears slid down my face, happiness bubbling over, needing a release. “I’ve missed you too. So bloody much.”

We hugged for a little longer before I pulled away, wiping at my eyes.

“Made her cry first.” Landen pointed at me, talking to Lennox. Lennox’s jaw tightened, his eyes squinting at Landen before he headed for the bar.

“What was that?” I peered between them.

“Nothing. Lennox always looks that way, right?”

“So, where’s your friend?” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“Couldn’t make it. The dog sitter fell through. Murphy sends love, though. Next time, promise.”

“Weird you still call each other by your last names.”

He shrugged, a salacious expression in his eyes. “We like it. Especially in the bedroom.”

“Ugh. I didn’t need to know that.” I shook my head.

“Please, girl, I think I hear you having it all the way in New York!” He tossed his arm over my shoulder, turning us to the room as I introduced him to our new friends and world at the animal sanctuary. Landen was working as an assistant to a theatre director and spent all his free time in acting classes or auditioning. He made crap money and complained all the time about the business, but I had never seen him so happy, either. He didn’t know if it was a forever thing, but it was his right now thing, and I couldn’t have been happier for him. “Mina sends her love too. She’s dating her boss, who’s like twelve years older than her, but she’s happy. And her family is thrilled he’s a ‘blueblood.’”

“Good, glad she’s happy.” I nodded. We weren’t really friends anymore, but I would always wish her the best. I’d always miss the friendship we used to have.

“I’ll have to catch you up on all my latest acting stories and the crazy Americans in New York, but first, I need a drink!” He led us to the bar, the party getting into full gear. I mean, it wasn’t a rager, but life was simpler here—more about family and friends. Kids from our group ran around, excitement busting through the room along with the cheer…and alcohol.

Ava and a couple other wives had prepared an enormous buffet of gorgeous food, and the smells wafting from the kitchen attacked, making my mouth water.

“Spencer?” Lennox touched my back. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Yeah.” I peered up at him. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah.” His jaw rolled. “I just want a moment alone.” He reached out for my hand, tugging me through the doorway to the deck overlooking the park, where we could see the outlines of the animals roaming, the sunset glittering the horizon like magic. Except I couldn’t enjoy it as fear trickled down my throat, feeling like I was about to hit another bump in the road. Lennox’s gaze wouldn’t meet mine, a nerve in his jaw twitching.

“You know after Gracie, I vowed I would never fall in love again,” he said lowly, his tone tight, twisting more fear in my gut. Gracie had been laid to rest over a year ago, Lennox leaving me in Spain to attend her funeral near the farm with Arthur and Mary to say his final goodbye. I wanted to be there for him, but we knew my presence at Gracie’s funeral would be uncomfortable to Arthur and Mary. Also, going back to the country was not a good decision. Two years later and the tabloids still ran articles about me, the hate still palpable. A “journalist” actually tracked me here to run a story about me. He was quickly chased off the property by a handful of protective bodyguards.

Lennox kept in contact with Mary and Art; they were the nearest to parents he had. They asked about me and even sent me a Christmas gift, which was all Mary. Arthur and Lennox still had a turbulent relationship, but I felt over time, their stubbornness would ease now Gracie was at peace, and they would let the pain of the past go.

“Yeah.” I felt my heart knock against my chest.

“Fuck…you bloody messed all that up.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, acting nervous. He was always confident—dominant—and sometimes a little controlling, which I tried to beat out of him.

“Lennox, you’re freaking me out.”

“I am totally screwing this up, but I guess it fits with us.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve been shot, beaten, stabbed, and almost blown up…but it was a tiny, blue-eyed girl who destroyed me. You broke down every wall, every defense I had. I couldn’t fight you. Nor did I want to. I fell in love with you. And that’s never going to change.”

A prickling sensation ran down my nerves, my heart starting to pound for an entirely different reason.

“This time I know it’s right, that I found my match. I found the person who challenges me, makes me laugh, puts me in my place—who makes me feel so fuckin’ lucky, I can’t even handle it sometimes. I stare at you in utter disbelief that you are mine, and this is our life.” He motioned out to the land. The sound of a lion roaring goose-bumped my skin despite the sticky air.

“Christmas Eve, two years ago, everything changed for us. We thought our lives were destroyed until I almost lost you. I want to make sure I never lose you again. That this change is positive…” He dug into his cargo pants.

“Oh, god.” My hand went over my mouth, my eyes filling with tears again.

“This doesn’t mean this has to happen anytime soon. We have forever to figure it out, but I want you to know, this is it. You and I…this crazy life…we’re in this together.” He held out a ring, a simple braided gold band, our names carved through the plaits. Simple and beautiful. The perfect ring for me. I didn’t want flashy or gaudy, especially with what I did, and I refused to wear diamonds ever again—not after you saw the bloodshed over them here.

“I want to always be the one watching that body.” He held up the ring.

My watery eyes lifted to his, choking on the emotion in my chest. He never got sentimental. Hearing him be so honest and vulnerable, I couldn’t stop the tears from sliding down my face.

“So…what do you say, Duchess?” He stepped up to me, his palm sliding up my cheek, his eyes locked on mine. “Want to jump on this crazy, bumpy ride with me?”

I had been proposed to before, the dramatic one knee in front of everyone declaration—the supposed fairytale proposal. But now I understood how different the two were.

This time I had no doubts or fears. When you truly loved someone, there was no choice to make. I didn’t want to marry the fairytale. I wanted the turbulent, crazy life with this man.

The sensation of eyes on us, our new family crowding around the door trying to be quiet as they waited for my answer, giggling and shushing each other, made me smile wider. This time I didn’t care about the audience watching me; the whole world could for all I cared. All I saw was him.

I smiled up at him, “Fuck, yeah.”

Buckle up; this was going to be a bumpy ride.

Thank you to all my readers. Your opinion really matters to me and helps others decide if they want to purchase my book. If you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a review on the site where you purchased it. It would mean a lot. Thank you.

Also check out my Contemporary Romance and Paranormal Romance novels listed in the front of this book.

Acknowledgements

Hope you enjoyed the conclusion of Spencer, Theo, and Lennox’s story! Reviews are everything to us authors and if you want the story to continue on with Eloise and a Theo POV, please spread the love of this story! Thank you so much!

A huge THANK YOU to:

Emily at Social Butterfly- Thank you for all your hard work! You are amazing.

Mo Sytsma: mo@TheScarletSiren.com

Hang Le- These covers are everything! Thank you so much!

Judi Fennell at www.formatting4U.com

To all the readers who have supported me: My gratitude is for all you do and how much you help indie authors out of the pure love of reading.

To all the indie/hybrid authors out there who inspire, challenge, support, and push me to be better: I love you!

And to anyone who has picked up an indie book and given an unknown author a chance. THANK YOU!

About the Author

Stacey Marie Brown is a lover of hot fictional bad boys and sarcastic heroines who kick butt. She also enjoys books, travel, TV shows, hiking, writing, design, and archery. Stacey swears she is part gypsy, being lucky enough to live and travel all over the world.

She grew up in Northern California, where she ran around on her family’s farm, raising animals, riding horses, playing flashlight tag, and turning hay bales into cool forts.

When she’s not writing she’s out hiking, spending time with friends, and traveling. She also volunteers helping animals and is eco-friendly. She feels all animals, people, and the environment should be treated kindly.

To learn more about Stacey or her books, visit her at:

Author website & Newsletter: www.staceymariebrown.com

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Table of Contents

- Royal Command, Copyright © 2020 by Stacey Marie Brown

- ALSO BY STACEY MARIE BROWN
- Note To The Reader
- Table of Contents
- Chapter 1
- Chapter 2
- Chapter 3
- Chapter 4
- Chapter 5
- Chapter 6
- Chapter 7
- Chapter 8
- Chapter 9
- Chapter 10
- Chapter 11
- Chapter 12
- Chapter 13
- Chapter 14
- Chapter 15
- Chapter 16
- Chapter 17
- Chapter 18
- Chapter 19
- Chapter 20
- Chapter 21
- Chapter 22
- Chapter 23
- Chapter 24
- Chapter 25
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- About the Author