The Foundation Series Box Set
Author: Kira Adams
Date: 2016-04-13 04:00:00+00:00
Description: The Foundation Series is a 3-book box set that dives into the world of musicians, movie stars, fame, and more to tell the stories of two characters: Peyton & Jace. Pieces of Me is Peyton's story, and it is not going to be butterflies and roses. It is going to be difficult, it's going to be hard, but it will be real. The Fighter is Jace's story, and what a story it is. Follow Jace as he finds his inner strength to stand up for himself and the ones he loves. The Road Back to Us is their combined stories. Will they be able to find their way back to one another or will they go their separate ways?

The Foundation Series

By: Kira Adams

The Foundation Series

Pieces of Me

The Fighter

The Road Back to Us

Copyright © 2016 Krista Pakseresht. All rights reserved.

Cover designed by Sprinkles on Top Studios

Editing by Joanne LaRe Thompson

http://kristakakes.blogspot.com
https://www.facebook.com/KiraAdamsAuthor
http://www.wattpad.com/user/xKiraAdamsx
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7179367.Kira_Adams

“Don’t forget, if you’re not doing something you love, you’re not really living.” – Kira Adams

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes only.

Table of Contents

Pieces of Me

The Fighter

The Road Back to Us

Preview of Learning to Live, Book One in The Infinite Love Series

About the Author

Books by Kira Adams

Acknowledgements

Chapter One

Pieces of Me

Pieces of Me

A Foundation Novel

By: Kira Adams

Copyright © 2013 Krista Pakseresht. All rights reserved.

http://kristakakes.blogspot.com
https://www.facebook.com/KiraAdamsAuthor
http://www.wattpad.com/user/xKiraAdamsx
http://www.amazon.com/Kira-Adams/e/B00KQZ5838/
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7179367.Kira_Adams

The Foundation Series

Pieces of Me

The Fighter

The Road Back to Us

Cover designed by Cover Me Designs

Editing by Joanne LaRe Thompson

Table of Contents

Prologue

One – You Know You’re My Bitch Right?

Two – Are You Trying to Get in a Fight With a Vending Machine?

Three – I would be the laughing stock of my high school for months, if not years to come.

Four – How Can Someone Hate Football—the American Pastime?

Five – Lately it’s Been a lot Simpler to Find my Voice.

Six – Are You Buying All the Bullshit He Fed You?

Seven – I was Avoiding Colton Like the Plague.

Eight – Am I Clear to Enter the Premises?

Nine – I Became the IT Girl.

Ten – Does it Turn You on to be the Hero all the Time?

Eleven – The Devil Inside of Him was a Terrifying Monster.

Twelve – She was Studying Me Like I was a Fragile Toy About to Break any Second.

Thirteen – You Could be Everything I Ever Wanted—Everything I Ever Dreamed.

Fourteen – How do You Feel About Strip Poker?

Fifteen – If it were Me, I Wouldn’t Let You out of My Sight.

Sixteen – Shut Up and Kiss Me.

Seventeen – He Probably Thinks I’m Some Kind of Psycho Stalker.

Eighteen – Would it Kill You to be Vulnerable for Once?

Nineteen – The Only Thing I’m Drunk on is You.

Twenty – Hold Up, Where are Your Pants?

Twenty One – I Looked Different; I Felt Different; Hell, I was Different.

Epilogue

Prologue

Ordinarily, she would be far from my radar…but there was something behind those enchanting brown eyes that drew me in, kept me coming back for more. I felt her sadness, her sorrow, her pain. All I wanted to do with every inch of my being was make her feel wanted, loved—but something was holding me back, pinning me in place, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to confront that truth just yet. I cared far too much about my peers’ opinions to risk it all blindly. But Peyton was all I had been fantasizing about since we crossed paths, my yearning for her almost too much to bare; I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stand to be apart.

One: You Know You’re My Bitch, Right?

Bone Breakin’

I knew from the time I was a little girl

I would grow up and I would rule the world

I always knew I was meant for something

More than they led me to believe

.

They always tried to take it from me

My talents, the indefinite possibilities

I never lost faith that I was meant for

Something more, can’t wait for what’s in store

.

The world is your oyster

Get out there and take charge

Steer your future in the right direction

Gotta, gotta make the right selection

I had never pictured my death before—wait, who am I kidding?  I had imagined my death a million different ways; almost always by my own hand. That’s what depression does to you; it nags at you until you do everything in your power to silence it or stop it. I had never intended to take all those pills…I just wanted to make it stop. I just wanted to make it numb. My consciousness was weaving in and out until darkness took over me like a tidal wave.

The scream was faint, but it pierced through the darkness. I could feel slight pressure like someone was pressing down on my chest, but I was too weak.

*              *              *

I opened my eyes and was surprised to find myself in a dark hallway. I had no idea how I had gotten there, but I could see a faint light at one end and I yelled out, “hello?” My voice echoed off the loud walls. I whipped myself around when I felt a breath on the back of my neck making my hairs stand on end.

“I didn’t mean to alarm you, Peyton.” The way he said my name raised goose bumps all over my skin.

“How do you know my name?” I asked, taking him in, cautiously. He was probably close to six feet tall and his blue eyes pierced through me.

He chuckled in response without answering my question. “Why did you do it?”

I shook my head in an irritated fashion. Who does he think he is? I owed him nothing. I didn’t even know him. I began walking the opposite way, towards the faint glowing light.

“You can’t go down there,” he called after me.

I didn’t bother stopping as I yelled over my shoulder. “And why is that?”

“Because you’ll never return.” Before I knew it, he was at my side, grabbing my arm to stop me from going any further. “You don’t want to do this, Peyton.”

“Let go of me!” I struggled to free myself from his grip. “I don’t even know who you are!”

He didn’t loosen his grip, but his voice softened. “Don’t you see…that’s exactly why I can’t let you go.”

He pulled me closer into him and suddenly my body calmed down. My heart rate returned to normal. I didn’t even have the urge to fight back anymore. Everything just felt right. “Shhh…” he whispered soothingly into my right ear, softly running his hands over my hair. “Stay with me, Peyton.”

“What?” I asked, confused why he would say such a thing.

“Peyton, stay with me.” Suddenly the world around me dissipated, leaving nothing but blackness in its wake.

Someone was shaking my shoulder…it was faint but I could feel it. My eyes fluttered open and all I could make out in the blurry haze was haunting blue eyes. The same blue eyes I had met moments earlier in the dark hallway. I tried to speak, but all that came out was slurs. I wanted to know who he was. I wanted to know how he found me.

My eyelids felt like they were being weighed down by the titanic. Even though I could hear faint voices in the background, I surrendered to the darkness.

When I awoke I found my stomach being unpleasantly pumped. It was a very rude awakening. The doctor said if I had made it to the hospital merely five minutes later that I would have died. I was angry with the choice I had made, I was angry it didn’t pan out, but most of all I was angry with the world. I was convinced it was the world against Peyton.

Because I had attempted to end it all, I was put on suicide watch by the hospital for three days. I even spent a few days in the mental ward thanks to my genius decision—and that wasn’t even the worst of it. My sister, who had conveniently ignored my existence my entire life, was suddenly an overbearing leech. I couldn’t get rid of her to save my life. For someone who had pretended she didn’t know me for as long as I could remember, it was interesting to see how quickly the tide changed.

My parents threw me right back into school the minute I arrived home, not wanting to let a moment pass by. They were under the impression the only way to heal from such a travesty was to return to normal. The hardest part was having to be go back to school and pretending like nothing had changed; like I hadn’t crossed that imaginary line; once crossed it made it so much easier if I tried again. That scared me. Having to keep the secret from my two best friends was also going to be difficult on me. I was positive they were going to want to know where I had been the first week of school; why I had mysteriously been avoiding their phone calls and home visits.

*              *              *

“Watch where you’re going,” Kari Ann Blakely barked at me. It was good to see nothing had changed since I had attempted to leave our cruel world.

“Sorry.” I looked down, sheepishly.

We had been attending the same schools since elementary. Yet, surprisingly, that was the nicest thing she had ever said to me. Tragic, I know. We were juniors in high school and Kari Ann was the head cheerleader at Westview High, making her the most popular girl in school.

I scrambled to pick up my textbooks that had been strewn all over in the collision. Kari Ann was long since gone. Suddenly, I felt my fingers grace the hand of another. Someone was actually helping me pick up my books.

I slowly, hesitantly, brought my eyes to meet the mystery kind-hearted soul, who had for once, given me hope in humanity.

“Here ya go,” he said, as he handed me my advanced biology book. “Don’t pay any mind to her. She’s just a bully.” Without another word, the biggest crush of my life turned his back on me and walked away.

My heart was racing. The mystery man had been none other than Jax Austin, the brown haired, blue eyed man of my dreams; otherwise known as the quarterback of the football team. Of course I had to fall in line with the rest of the female population at my school and fawn all over Jax. He was always so cool, calm, and collected. Even though he was not a man of many words when it came to me, we still managed to lock eyes a few times and I could have died wondering what was on his mind. Disgust? Intrigue? He always kept such a poker face, I could never read him correctly.

Jax had a twin brother, Jace, who was five minutes younger than him. His parents were divorced when they were eleven, and at the time Jace and Jax weren’t getting along that well, so they decided to live with opposite parents. Jax ended up with his father and Jace with their mother. I only knew this much because it was public knowledge, and of course, from all of my stealth Facebook lurking skills.

Their mother died unexpectedly in a car crash about a month ago and rumors were spreading that after five years, the twins were going to be reunited. Same house, same school. It was going to be quite interesting to see how it played out. Everyone around our small town knew Jax as one person, not two. No one had ever even met Jace, because he lived with their mother in Canada. Jace was set to begin school at Westview High any day now. The rumors swirling around in anticipation about another Jax Austin walking around school were running wild. They were identical twins and, rumor had it, incredibly hard to tell apart.

Even though I knew I was nowhere near his radar, a girl could dream. And dream big I did. I was pretty sure the only reason Jax even spoke a single word to me was because of my sister, Kayleigh. She was a year older, but we were worlds apart socially. She was extremely popular; always had been. I always secretly hated that she got most of my father’s genes, whereas I ended up with my mothers. To be honest, if it weren’t for our names, people wouldn’t even know we were related.

While my sister tolerated me, I knew she would rather keep me hidden away, so as not to embarrass or disappoint her or her clique. Here she was; a blond hair, brown eyed goddess. Straight, beautiful teeth, great smile, size four. And on the other side of the spectrum, you had me; brown hair, brown eyes, glasses, size fifteen. I had been overweight my entire life, and it just came so easily for my sister. Unfair, if you asked me. I had never even had a boyfriend; she had boys knocking down her door. Sometimes, I wondered: if she did accept me as her sister, how everyone else would take it?

I really only had two people I could count on in the world, other than my parents; my best friends, Madison Thereaux and Brooklyn Jones. Like me, their popularity was basically non-existent. We all met in middle school in theatre class and had been inseparable ever since. Madison was a fiery red head, with glasses and blue eyes. Her hair was long and unruly. She was thin as a rail, with a beautiful smile. Brooklyn was my African-American sister from another mister. Her hair changed daily, depending on her mood, but today she was sporting 22 beautiful inches of dark Indian hair. She had brown eyes and more confidence than anyone I knew, being a size eighteen. She was wearing a dark jean romper that no one would be able to pull off at her size, other than Brooklyn herself.

“Girl? Where have you been all my life?” Brooklyn exclaimed dramatically as she threw me into a tight hug.

“Last minute trip to visit my Grandma…” I trailed off, hoping she wouldn’t notice I was lying. I was terrible at it and Brooklyn could almost always call my bluff.

“Is she doing alright?” Brooklyn’s tone changed to concern, her face crinkling with worry.

I nodded. “For now.” At least that wasn’t a lie…

“So, what’s the plan for this weekend?” Madison asked as we took our seats for AP English.

“Isaiah overheard Cooper telling Jackson about a party at his house this weekend. From what he heard, it’s supposed to be off the hook!” Brooklyn exclaimed. Isaiah Felt and Brooklyn had been dating on and off for a year.

“Are you kidding? How would we expect to even lay a foot in this party?” I gasped, positive they were being sarcastic.

“Can’t you talk to your sister, Peyton?” Madison eyed me.

I couldn’t help stifling a laugh. “You guys have got to be kidding. I know it’s a new year, but we are still not going to get an invite to that party.” Not to mention my parents would never allow such a thing now that they were hyper-sensitive of everything I was doing, every move I was making. They were just concerned I was going to attempt to off myself again. I wasn’t in the right headspace. It took nearly everything out of me the first time. Going through it again had no appeal whatsoever.

“Then we’ll simply have to crash it.” Brooklyn’s eyes lit up, concocting her plan.

“This is the worst idea you two have ever had.” I shook my head.

Suddenly, Kari Ann walked into class, arm-in-arm with Jax. My heart dipped into my stomach. How someone could affect me so seriously was beyond me. He took a seat right in front of me and Kari Ann to the right of him. It appeared she was trying to convince him of something.

“Come on, it’s going to be a blast. Everyone worth knowing will be there. You have to come; it’ll be so boring without you.” Kari Ann attempted to persuade him.

“I’m sure you’ll survive,” Jax responded, obviously uninterested.

“But will you?” Kari Ann flirted, resting her hand on his.

Then, something happened I couldn’t have predicted; Jax Austin turned around, looked me in the eyes, and spoke to me. I was in such shock that he voluntarily chose to, that the first time he spoke, all I saw was his beautiful lips part, but I was so focused on a birth mark my eyes found on his face. It was a tiny bit bigger than most freckles, but this birth mark I was not familiar with. For someone I had dreamt about, fantasized about hourly, how could I miss such a beautiful part of what made him-him? The birth mark was beige, circular, and right below his right eye. It made the twinkle in his eye that much more noticeable.

“Earth to space cadet,” Kari Ann grumbled, obviously upset the attention had shifted from her.

“You okay?” He looked genuinely worried.

“Oh, um, yeah, I’m sorry,” I stammered, trying with everything in me to find the right words. “What did you say?”

He laughed lightly then replied, “Kari Ann said everyone will be at Cooper’s party this weekend. I was asking if you were going.”

My jaw dropped open, unconsciously. Did Jax Austin really just ask me if I was going to the party? Why would he even care? Conscious, finally of my open mouth, I closed it swiftly. I didn’t even know where to start, so I went with the only thing I could come up with. “Naw, that’s not really my scene.” I tried to quiet my nerves.

“Oh really—and what is your scene?” He asked, appearing intrigued.

The shrill cry had me exhaling on the inside. Saved by the bell. Having to tell Jax that my usual weekend consisted of lots of snacking, TV, and usually hanging out with my parents or having sleepovers with my two besties, staying up all night gossiping about him, was not on my agenda. Plus Kari Ann’s prying eyes were getting old.

He turned around, and as quickly as I felt like a part of his world, I was again, an outsider; an outcast.

*              *              *

I walked into my house sighing after a long school day. All I wanted to do was slip into some sweats and relax, but seeing my sisters face as I passed by the living room, halted that plan.

“I heard you got invited to Cooper’s party this weekend?” Kayleigh eyed me, suspiciously.

“Not exactly,” I replied, taking a seat next to her on the couch. “Jax asked if I was going, not necessarily invited me.”

“Well, you can’t go, Peyton,” She exclaimed sternly, but one look at my fallen face, and she softened. “Look, you know how much I would love to have you there. But I don’t want to have to be looking out for you all night; I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Plus, you know Mom and Dad are never going to let you out of their sight.”

“Why would anything happen to me?” I asked, hesitantly.

“Just promise me you won’t go, please.” She was pleading with me; I was floored. I knew how little her friends thought of me, but my own sister?

I shook my head lightly before standing up. “It would be nice if for once you could act like my sister, instead of someone who hates me so much. What did I ever do to you? Huh? What did I ever do to deserve this? Do you ever wonder why I chose to do what I did?” I grabbed my backpack and booked it up the stairs before my evil sister could see what she caused.

“Peyton!” I heard her call behind me, but I didn’t care. The tears were already welling up in my eyes. I hated crying in front of anyone. Crying made me appear weak. As much as I had been bullied and teased in the past, I had learned to save face. I had taught myself how to make it seem like they hadn’t gotten to me…even when it killed me some days. I had learned to save my crying sessions for my room or the bathroom at school.

I had more walls up than the Great Wall of China. It was sad, actually. The fact that no one knew the real me, except for a handful of people, was unfortunate. I was a very creative person. I loved acting, singing, writing, dancing, you name it.

I had grown up acting and had landed the lead in almost every production I was a part of. I loved music, it was my life. That was the main reason Madison and I bonded so quickly in middle school and became so close, so fast.

She too lived for music. She introduced me to an entirely new world I had never known existed before; pop/punk, emo/screamo, indie, etc. We attended as many live shows as we could. Our favorite band was DarienMae, and together, we had seen them in concert and met them more than five times.

I remember the first time I met Colton Lee, the lead guitarist of DarienMae. He was screaming into my face and pressing his forehead against mine and I was transfixed. I knew in that moment that I needed to know him. After the show I nervously went up and asked him for a picture. He was so genuine and sweet, I couldn’t stop smiling. He even gave me a pick from his set that night after I asked. I knew there was something electric about Colton when our arms were wrapped around each other tightly for hours, just embracing one another. I looked up at him in a quiet moment and remarked, “You know you’re my bitch, right?” This only sent him into a round of chuckles.

“Oh really?” He shot back. “Then make me a t-shirt the next time you come see us play.”

“I will.” I looked up at him smiling, and I meant it. We returned to each and every DarienMae show after that and I wore a neon yellow “Colton is my bitch T-shirt”. It became my staple. I even made him a t-shirt that said “Peyton is my master”. What could I say? The setting and element gave me confidence I never knew I had in me. It was the music. It coursed through me like a wild river.

My new love for that genre of music also opened up my eyes to the possibilities of joining a band. If image wasn’t so strongly focused on when it came to being a front man, I probably would have already been on stage. But my size fifteen wasn’t only uncomfortable for the world around me; I wasn’t entirely secure in my own skin. Therefore, my confidence was lacking.

Wiping the remaining tears away, I sat down at my desk with a pen and paper. I didn’t know what I wanted to write, but just let my fingers do the talking.

You never believed in me, always thinking I would fail. I can be who I want to be, and I will prevail.

So it wasn’t necessarily coming to me as quick as it usually did, but it was a start.

*              *              *

Knock, knock.

My eyes opened slowly, taking in my surroundings. I was in my room, head on my desk, and I’m pretty sure I had been drooling judging by the wet spot near my mouth.

Knock, knock.

Still attempting to fully comprehend what was happening, I lifted my head up and swiveled around in my chair.

“Come in,” I fought to say through a long yawn. How long had I been asleep for?

My door opened gradually and my mother’s familiar dark green eyes peeked out from behind it. I rubbed my own in an attempt to clear my vision and watched as she slinked into my room, taking a seat on my bed. “Hey,” she said lightly, avoiding direct eye contact.

Everything had been different since that day. My mother had always been my biggest fan, my biggest supporter…but after the incident it’s like she couldn’t look me in the eyes anymore. Like she was disappointed with me, or worse yet, scared of me.

Her curly brown hair looked disheveled and her olive eyes appeared beyond exhausted. It had been ten days since my failed attempt, and I was positive she hadn’t allowed herself more than three hours of sleep a night. To say she looked terrible, would be an understatement. “How are you doing?” She asked, shifting her eyes nervously around the room, making sure not to lock with mine.

“I’m okay,” I answered honestly. I hated what I had done to my relationship with my mother. She had always been my best friend and there for me, but it all felt so different now. I used to tell her everything. In a way, I wondered if she felt betrayed by my selfish decision…

Honestly, it was like pulling teeth being in the same room with her. It was obvious neither one of us knew what to say; how to act.

“How is school going?” She was fishing; trying to gather information to make sure that I wasn’t going to try to off myself again.

“It’s going.” I wanted to give her more—I wanted things to go back to normal, but that was easier said than done.

Even though she was avoiding eye contact with me, I was daring her to look at me straight on. I was dying for that sense of familiarity. I watched as silent tears began to trickle down her face, twisting my stomach into a million tiny knots. I never intentionally meant to hurt her. “I’m sorry,” I found myself saying at the first sight of her tears. “I wasn’t thinking.”

It broke my heart knowing that I did this to my mother. That I was the cause for her unhappiness. She didn’t deserve any bit of it. My cheeks grew hot with embarrassment and guilt; tears were threatening to pour out the sides of my eyes. How selfish I had been…

I got up from my desk and made my way to the bed, plopping down beside her. Hesitantly, I rubbed her back with my hand in a soothing motion. “I’m sorry I’ve put such a burden on you…”

I must have said the magic words because after what felt like an eternity of her dodging my glances, she finally locked eyes with me. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how unhappy you were.” She was sobbing as she choked her words out.

“Mom.” I stroked her hair softly, tucking a few fly aways behind her ear. “You’re my best friend. I love you.”

“I keep going over what I could have done to prevent it.” She was referring to my suicide attempt. “It’s hard not to feel like I was partially responsible.”

I shook my head aggressively at her admission. “This was not about you…and I know that sucks to hear, but it’s true. I was battling my inner demons, and honestly, I still am.”

“Oh, Peyton!” She cried, instantly throwing her arms around me. We sat there, holding one another, crying on each other’s shoulders for what felt like hours. Finally, when my eyes felt like they were glued open from the insane amount of tears I shed, I pulled away gently from my mother.

“I can’t say that I’m better…because that would be lying. What I can do is promise you that I won’t ever make another selfish decision like that again.”

I could see the tension in her body slowly begin to dissipate. “I think that you need to see a therapist. I think it would be good for you to have someone to talk to.”

My shoulders stiffened as her recommendation flowed through me. Trusting people was not a strong suit of mine…and telling a stranger my deepest and darkest secrets? I would rather not…

“I’m just trying to take it day by day. Please don’t ask me to do something I’m not ready for.”

Her face fell and I instantly felt like a bitch.

“I will talk to someone about it…when I’m ready. But, I need to make that decision on my own…I hope you understand.”

She nodded her head lightly. “I’m here ya know. Whenever that time comes. I’ve always been here.”

I glanced back at her thankfully. We were taking baby steps and I couldn’t be more grateful.

Two: Are You Trying to Get in a Fight With a Vending Machine?

Killing Me

Hit me harder

I’m already on the ground

Give me your best shot

Throw me around

Kick me while I’m down

Curse my name in vain

I won’t make a sound

As I slowly slip away

You don’t understand that what you do affects me

You think you’re so tough, but you’re nothing

I die a little more with everything you do

Can’t you see? You’re killing me.

Sticks and stones

Break my bones

Words will always

Hurt me

I wear my heart

Right on my sleeve

I need to stop

Being so naïve

You don’t understand that what you do affects me

You think you’re so tough, but you’re nothing

I die a little more with everything you do

Can’t you see? You’re killing me.

Throw a punch

Straight in my face

Hold me back

As I try to run away

Chase after me

With fire in your eyes

Try to show me

How you live your life

You don’t understand that what you do affects me

You think you’re so tough, but you’re nothing

I die a little more with everything you do

Can’t you see? You’re killing me.

Stab me right in the back

When I’m least expecting it

Lay me down so gently to die

And then drown yourself in your sorrows and regrets

You don’t understand that what you do affects me

You think you’re so tough, but you’re nothing

I die a little more with everything you do

Can’t you see? You’re killing me.

You’ve killed me.

It was Thursday, and talk of Cooper’s party was running rampant. My sister had been attempting to finish her conversation with me for two days, but I was avoiding her like the plague. I didn’t have it in me to let her make me feel lower than low. I had even been waking up an entire hour earlier just so I could sneak out before she woke up. Luckily, I had the two most incredible best friends in the world who would meet me early at school so I wouldn’t be alone. It was seven, and school started in an hour.

Normally, I would meet the girls at my locker and we would gossip for a good half hour before finding some trouble to get ourselves into…but this morning no one was waiting for me at my locker. In fact, the halls were pretty bare, minus a few peers, here and there. I opened my locker and put my backpack inside, then headed to the vending machines. I had forgotten to eat breakfast and my big stomach was making me pay for it; growling nonstop. I made it to the vending machine, and after a few minutes of mulling over the contents inside, I decided I would simply get a rice krispie treat. I put my dollar in and hit the number for it, but as it was about to fall, it got stuck, dangling from its original position. “Shit,” I whispered to myself; that was the only dollar I had. I was not giving up without a fight. I began pushing and kicking the machine, to no avail, when suddenly, I heard footsteps behind me. I was too embarrassed to keep trying so I quickly accepted the fact that I would have to starve until lunch.

“Are you trying to get in a fight with the vending machine?” It was Jax. How in the world he was here, at school, as early as I was, was beyond me. “Hey you, we never got to finish our conversation the other day.”

He remembered! I felt more giddy then a teeny-bopper getting to see the Biebs in concert for the first time. My heart was racing and I had to keep reminding myself to breathe. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

He walked right up to the vending machine and swiftly unplugged it. “A little trick I found out,” he whispered. The rice krispie treat fell immediately after the machine was unplugged.

“Wow. Thank you.” I could feel my face turning bright red. I was embarrassed beyond belief as he handed me the treat. I turned to walk away, but realized Jax was in tow with me. I looked up slowly at him, wondering why suddenly, after all these years, he was finally giving me the time of day.

“So, Cooper’s party…” Jax trailed off, as we walked along in awkward silence.

“Yeah?”

“You should come. I don’t really feel like hanging out with a bunch of dumb jocks and douchebags. Come on, you can keep me company.” He stopped walking suddenly, and just looked down at me, awaiting a response.

“I don’t think I’m invited...and plus my parents would have a conniption fit,” I replied, pushing a strand of hair out of my face.

“Let me take care of your invitation—can you take care of your parents? Tell them you are going to a friend’s house. Bring your friends too. The more the merrier.” I was sure I was dreaming, or at least hallucinating. Did Jax Austin really just invite me to one of the exclusive parties his friends hold?

“Ok,” I responded, my voice cracking. I could tell Jax noticed the uncomfortable tone in my voice because before I knew it, he had closed the space between us, our bodies inches apart from touching.

“Listen, if it sucks that bad, we can bail.” He used the word ‘we’ in relation to speaking about us. If I wasn’t hallucinating, I was in some serious alternate reality.

I couldn’t talk, so I just nodded my head in agreement and then began walking in the complete opposite direction of my locker unintentionally. I stopped abruptly when I noticed Jax was in tow with me. “Where ya headed?”

It would be quite embarrassing to admit he had thrown me off my game so much so that I had accidentally walked in the wrong direction…so I made up a white lie on the spot. “I was going to check out the signup sheet for the fall play. Is that alright with you?” I snapped, then immediately began kicking myself in the face. Jax Austin was finally giving me the time of day—any time of his day—and I was biting his head off.

“You like acting? Me too! I’ve always wanted to try auditioning…” He seemed unfazed by my outburst. “Mind if I come with?”

I shook my head, speechless, turning on my heel and continuing toward the fake signup sheet. We continued walking in unison. “So…” I finally said to fill the awkward silence.

“Did you do the homework for English?” Jax asked; referring to the haiku we were assigned to write.

I nodded, staying mute.

“Really? I had a ton of trouble with mine. I sat there for thirty minutes looking at a blank sheet of paper. Are you going to share yours?” He looked down at me then, his blue eyes entrancing me.

I shrugged. “Probably not…I was delirious when I wrote it, it probably isn’t any good.”

“At least you did it, that has to count for something, right?” Not always.

“Yeah, I guess,” I replied. We were just about to round the corner that led to the auditorium when I caught sight of my two best friends walking towards us.

“Hey boo,” Brooklyn greeted me. “Where were you? We were looking all over for you; we’ve been waiting at your locker.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but was caught off guard when I realized Jax was answering for me. “My apologies, ladies, for keeping Peyton, we just got to talking, and you know how that goes.”

Without realizing it, I found myself nodding along with him, thankful we never made it to our destination. “Look, I have to get going, but I’ll see you Saturday, right?” He waited for an answer before bolting.

“Saturday, right.” It was all I could manage; I was positive I was in the Twilight Zone. I watched him walk away, my jaw to the floor.

“What was that all about?” Madison prodded.

“Jax invited me to Cooper’s party Saturday.” Saying the words out loud unfortunately did not help me believe them.

Both Brooklyn and Madison’s mouths fell open, much like mine had just been watching my crush walk away. “Are you freaking serious? Since when have you ever been on Jax’s radar?” Madison asked, not meant as an insult.

“Your guess is as good as mine…but this is the third time he has spoken to me this week. That is three more than, ever.”

“Well it sounds like we have a party to attend this weekend!” Brooklyn exclaimed, giddy, jumping up and down with Madison. “What are we going to wear? I need to get my nails did, a new weave, and a new outfit. Want to go shopping tomorrow night so we can all get new outfits?”

We all agreed that sounded like a fantastic plan. Friday it was.

*              *              *

Saturday had finally made its appearance. I had convinced my parents after countless late night talks that I could handle spending the night with Brooklyn and Madison without trying to hurt myself. They were still hesitant to allow me out without eyes—but I knew my mother was also afraid if they babied me too much I would run. In the end, I got my way.

After an entire day of pampering ourselves, we were ready to brave the highly anticipated party. I had arrived with Brooklyn, Madison, Brooklyn’s boyfriend, Isaiah, and our gay friend, Liam Turner. As unpopular as we all were, we were looking pretty spiffy for a Saturday night. Since I didn’t know what to do with my mane of thick dark tresses, Brooklyn ended up curling it into ringlets for me. While I had minimal make up, I was wearing a rose-pink strapless, sweetheart, beaded dress. It had pockets, which I loved because I could carry my phone or my wallet in there and not have to bring my purse.

“We ready for this?” Isaiah looked back for confirmation, before opening the front door to Cooper’s house. Inside was packed; people were even standing on the stairs, conversing. The first thing I heard as we walked in was Kari Ann’s loud, pitchy voice.

“Eww, who invited the loser squad?” She was clearly inebriated and was flailing her arms. Then, I noticed someone come up behind her and put his arms around her waist, which quieted her down. It was not a sight I wanted to see, for it was Jax. It was clear to see he was on her level as well. He couldn’t control his hands, and his lips were at the base of her neck.

Brooklyn looked over at me with sympathy in her eyes. “We need a drink!” She grabbed my hand and led us all to the back porch area where there was jungle juice and a keg. I quickly poured myself a heaping cup of jungle juice and ended up downing it within seconds.

“Slow down there tiger! You’re still going to want to be functioning in a couple of hours, won’t you?” Liam asked, as he took the cup out of my hands.

“I would rather not remember later,” I growled, grabbing the cup back and again overflowing it with jungle juice. As I was about to throw it back down the hatch, I heard Jax’s voice. He was laughing and singing loudly to himself as he brushed past me to the keg. “Hey,” I said, softly, touching his arm.

“Do I know you?” Jax asked, stumbling back and forth.

“We have like four classes together…and I’m pretty sure you and my sister had a thing freshman year,” I replied, positive he couldn’t have been drunk enough to forget I even existed…or could he?

“Oh.” He raised his eyebrows animatedly, his blue eyes twinkling. “Satan, right?”

“Excuse me?” I asked, shocked by his question.

“Your name—or at least that’s what your sister used to call you…” His lips curled up into an evil smile.

I let go of his arm, but stood my ground. “Why are you being like this? You invited me,” I whispered, looking down, my face burning up.

Jax obviously did not get the memo that we were being discreet, because his volume only seemed to increase, catching more attention than I would have liked. “I invited you? In what world?” He cackled like an evil villain and then turned his back to me, filling his cup up with beer.

My cheeks were growing redder by the minute, a combination of embarrassment and pure rage. He was the only reason I had even agreed to come. I knew I was an outsider; that I didn’t fit in with his crowd—but he was the one who convinced me that everything was going to be alright. “You’re seriously going to sit there and pretend like you didn’t invite me to this party twice?” It was hard not to be fuming.

He turned around slowly this time, sipping on his beer, a calculated look playing across his eyes. “Well you obviously can’t take a hint…I’m going to give you the best advice of your life…are you ready? Lay off the cupcakes fatty! I can get any girl in here, what would I want with a pig like you?”

I looked around and realized all eyes were on us; more importantly, me. Jax had just given them the reality TV bit they craved for the night. Tears were beginning to form at the corners of my eyes and I knew I didn’t have much time before the waterworks. “Peyton…” I heard my friends call after me. But it was drowned out by the noise of laughter. Jax was laughing hysterically at what he had just said to me, and the worst part about it? Everyone had joined in. Now all I heard as I ran and pushed my way through the crowd was oinks and laughs. I felt a hand grab my arm, and I looked up with a tear stricken face.

“Peyton, what are you doing here?” My sister whispered. I couldn’t avoid her forever, but this was not a time I wanted to be talking to her. She noticed the tears in my eyes, and then looked around, suddenly realizing what was going on. “I told you not to come,” she said softly, her face sympathetic.

“Well, aren’t you happy, Kayleigh? You were right.” I pulled my arm from her grasp and pushed past her; past all the people dancing, past all the people in the kitchen, past all the people on the porch. Quickly realizing as I made it outside that I hadn’t driven there. I thought about walking all the way home, but walking twenty miles in high heels, in the freezing cold did not appeal to me one bit. I ended up seated on the trunk of Brooklyn’s car, crying and alone.

After a good fifteen minute cry session, all I was left with was the sniffles and an extremely red face. I had no intention of stepping foot in that party again and I didn’t want to ruin my friends’ time, so I was avoiding all calls, all texts, and had been lucky enough that none of my amazing friends had stopped to think that I was outside. Especially because it began pouring, almost like the Heavens opened up and were crying along with me. As cold and shivering as I was, I had no intention of moving a muscle. I just wanted to be curled up in my warm bed and forget everything; everything about today, everything about Jax. But I was realizing life was not that easy when I saw the silhouette of someone coming towards me through the pellets of rain.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. What are you doing out here?” If it wasn’t raining so hard, I’d have to rub my eyes raw in shock that Jax was the person standing in front of me.

“Leave me alone,” I growled, turning away, still sniffling.

“You’re going to catch a cold out here, at least let me get you somewhere dry.” He reached for me, but was startled when I flew back, avoiding his contact. “Okay, what is going on?”

“You know your mood swings are giving me whiplash.”

“What are you talking about? What mood swings?” Jax looked concerned, as we both stood there, soaking wet.

“Don’t act like you’re not embarrassed of me! You just showed the world exactly what you think I am!” I screamed back at him through the downpour.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he shouted back.

“Nice to me in private—an ass to me in public, you’re just like the rest of them. I can’t believe I’ve spent so many years hung up on you!” I said the words I knew I would never be able to take back, but at least they were honest.

“Years…” Jax began, a confused look spreading over his face, before I interjected.

“I’m not playing this game with you anymore.” Even though it was still pouring, and I was still wearing heels, and there was still a twenty minute walk, it suddenly sounded extremely appealing to me. I began walking towards the road and away from Jax.

“Where are you going?” He yelled after me, but I didn’t bother to look back. I was taking control of my life, one step at a time.

Two: I would be the laughing stock of my high school for months, if not years to come.

Time to be Me

Pitch black. Nothing to look forward to. Alone. Again. Friends is a foreign word. Home is an illusion. Trekking along with a false hope of change. Cries of pain, swept away with the wind. Shattered memories fading with time. Screaming on the inside, wishing for a better life.

One day, sometime, something will change. I’ll make my move, get in line, and finally arrange- The life I want to live, the people I want to meet, no more waiting, it’s time to be *ME*.

I was just slipping under the covers of my comfy bed when I heard a soft knock. “Peyton? I know you’re still awake.” It was Kayleigh. She must have left the party almost immediately after the stunt Jax pulled. There was no way she could have stayed much longer because after walking merely a few miles, I couldn’t bear it and I ended up calling my father to pick me up. Explaining to him why I was on the side of the road, soaked, crying, and dressed the way I was, was not something I wanted to deal with…but I decided to suck up to the consequences and because we lived so close he was there within ten minutes. I was grounded for a week. Kayleigh knocked again, interrupting my thought process. As much as I wanted to continue blocking out the rest of the world, she was my sister, after all. I opened the door and let her in.

“Hey,” she greeted me gently. Then, something incredible happened. My sister hugged me. For the first time in over ten years, she actually showed me affection. I always knew my sister loved me, in the sense that we were family, but I honestly never knew that my sister actually cared for me. It was so unexpected, but exactly what I needed. We stood there for what seemed like forever, holding each other, and crying.

Finally, she released me, and we both took a seat on my bed.

“What did he say to you?” Kayleigh asked me, her face wrinkled with worry; it was not a look I was accustomed to.

“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head dismissively, trying to avoid telling her about the ‘Satan’ comment. She had just shown affection to me for the first time in as long as I could remember, and I had no intention of ruining our moment.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings when I asked you not to come to the party,” she said softly, touching my hand.

“I know.”

“I knew they would eat you alive. I didn’t want you to go for this exact reason.” Kayleigh appeared extremely distraught. “You’re my little sister, I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you. I love you, you know that.”

It was a strange confession coming from her and had it been last year I would have laughed it off, but our relationship was changing…for the first time in years and it was intriguing. I shook my head, shamefully. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of your friends.”

“Don’t be. None of this is your fault.” She grabbed my hand.

“Yes it is; if I hadn’t come to the party, none of this would have happened.” I looked down, regretting my decision to ever go.

“Everyone makes mistakes. And I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you.” She hugged me again, good and tight.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, between us.

“You’re welcome.” As she said it, I heard another soft knock on my door. “Come in!”

In walked Kayleigh’s boyfriend Bentley James, of four years. “Everything kosher?”

We looked at each other, smiled, then nodded that he could enter.

Bentley had been dating Kayleigh on and off since freshmen year; their recent stint together had been more than six months. He too was part of the football team, but Bentley was different than his peers. He wanted something more for himself and his life, and I believed in every speckle of his big brown eyes that it was going to happen. Bentley always treated me like an equal. It could be because he was dating my sister, but it could also be because he was just that sincere of a person. “Group hug?” He jumped on the bed and engulfed us with his long arms.

“Alright, we’ll let you get some sleep,” Kayleigh said as she released us both from the hug. She got up and walked to the door. “You coming?” She glanced at her long term boyfriend.

“Yeah, give me a second,” Bentley replied, turning his attention back to me. “Someone was looking for you, ya know, at the party.”

“Yeah, I should probably text my friends to let them know I made it home safely.” I yawned, realizing just how beat I actually was.

“Not that somebody. A brown haired-blue eyed somebody. He seemed pretty concerned about you.” He raised his eyebrows.

“Well he can keep that concern all to himself after the stunt he pulled. I’m over Jax.” I settled into my bed, getting ready to dream him away.

“I’m not talking about Jax.” He chuckled, heading towards the door.

“Then who?” The only person I knew who had brown hair and blue eyes was Jax…

“Jace. Hello. Who else would I be talking about?” Bentley exited my room, closing the door softly behind him.

Jace? Jace? Suddenly, it was all making sense. It wasn’t mood swings I was experiencing, it was different people altogether. They really weren’t joking when they said the two were difficult to tell apart. The only reason I was so sure I knew the difference was because of that birth mark. I now knew it had been Jace in my class asking me if I was going to the party, at the vending machine, outside by Brooklyn’s car, and even, possibly, at my locker, not Jax. I was floored. All this time I had been thinking it was his evil twin. I felt horrified. The fact that I treated Jace so badly, whereas he only treated me well, would haunt me forever.

*              *              *

I had been dreading going back to school that fall morning. Not just because of what happened at the party, but also because of what happened with Jace. I couldn’t face him. I couldn’t admit to him that the whole time I thought he was his asshole of a brother. However, I made the decision to be a new Peyton; a stronger Peyton; one who wouldn’t put up with all the petty bullshit of high school. I was beyond nervous walking into school Monday morning. Seeing a friendly face right away eased some of my butterflies, but definitely not all of them.

“Hey girl!” Liam waved me over.

“Hey girl hey!” I responded, enveloping him in a hug.

“How have you been? I’ve been worried about you since the party. Girl, there is so much we need to catch up on!” Liam chirped, excitedly.

“I’m okay. What do you need to tell me?”

Talking with Liam confirmed that after I left the party Jace confronted Jax about what he had done to me and ended up punching him in front of everyone. The rumor was Jax was left with a dangerously dark black eye, and a death wish towards his brother. The twins were not on speaking terms. The gossip was in high gear as people pondered why Jace would ever give two flying fucks about me. Even worse, while Liam continued to gossip on, I noticed Jace, and I knew with 100% certainty it was Jace, get swarmed at his locker by a group of cheerleaders led by Kari Ann. I even managed to overhear them asking him questions about me and if he liked me and I saw him shudder and say “What? I have a girlfriend. Plus, it’s not like that with me and P.” It was like being punched in the gut. So it was just sympathy he felt for me. That was the reason he had been so friendly with me over the past week. It had to be.

I can’t believe I ever thought either of the twins could like me in that way. I can’t believe I was ever delusional enough to think I could be anywhere near their league. I would be the laughing stock of my high school for months, if not years to come.

I saw Jace look over my way. I even noticed him start moving toward me, attempting to free away from the group of cheerleaders, but I couldn’t bear to be the laughing stock for another day in a row, so I bolted the opposite way. I hid out in the girls’ bathroom until well after the first bell rang, just to avoid him.

As soon as I walked out of the bathroom, I noticed Jace across the hall, waiting for me. I tried to turn on my heel and hide back out in the bathroom, but Jace was lightning fast, and before I knew it, he had me by the wrist. “Peyton, please.” He pushed me up against the wall adjacent to the bathroom. We were so close; I could feel his breath on my ear, my neck. “I’m sorry about what happened at the party, honestly, I am. I had no idea he said those things to you until you ran off in the downpour and I went back inside. You have to believe me.”

He looked so genuine, so innocent, it was difficult not to immediately accept his apology. When I didn’t respond right away, he continued. “Come on, Peyton. I thought we were friends?”

The way “friends” rolled off his tongue made me shudder. “I thought it’s not like that with us?” I hissed, which made him back up and grab me by the forearms.

“We are friends. I don’t know what else you want from me, Peyton! I’m sorry if I gave you any other impression.” He dropped his grip and folded his arms across his chest.

“Right,” I mumbled, looking down. My cheeks were burning up and I didn’t want him to see what kind of effect he had on me.

“Look, I have to get to class, are we okay?” He lifted his backpack onto his shoulder and took a step backwards.

I nodded; defeated. It’s all I had in me. I didn’t know it at the time, but it would be the last conversation I had with Jace for a while.

*              *              *

A week after the incident at the party and things were finally getting back to normal at my high school. Normal meaning I wasn’t constantly being pointed at or made fun of. There were still instances of pig noises when I walked into a room, but people were already moving on to bigger and better gossip.

It was lunch time and I sat down at my normal table; the same one my friends and I had been sitting at since the beginning of the term, when something, or rather someone, caught my eye. Jax was sitting there alone, sporting the tail end of his black eye. I looked around anxiously wondering where Madison or Brooklyn was, but it was too late, he had already spotted me.

“Peyton, just the person I was looking for,” he greeted me in a rather loud tone. I glanced around taking note that I was yet again the main attraction, cringing. Then, I spotted Jace. He was in line at the cafeteria, but his eyes were definitely on us. Everyone was watching us now.

“What do you want, Jax?” I asked, seeing no other way out of the confrontation than head-on.

“Just what is it about you that has my brother all riled up?” He shot me a cocky grin.

“What are you talking about?” I quickly glanced in Jace’s direction, noticing he had taken more of an interest into our conversation by closing some distance between us.

“You know I took a punch for you.” He pointed to his injury.

“Don’t act like you did anything for me,” I hissed under my breath, loud enough so only he could hear. I could see Jace inching forward out of the corner of my eye. My cheeks were burning up and I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Oh, she’s got some bite to her!” Jax exclaimed, hurling himself back dramatically. “That must be what it is…I mean look at you, you’re not his normal ‘type’.” Jax used air quotes to prove his point.

Jace finally made his way to us, grabbing his twin by the shoulder roughly. “What the fuck is going on, Jax?”

“Oh, I was just getting to know your new girlfriend,” Jax replied, sarcastically.

Jace’s face was redder than a crimson rose at the mention of me being associated to him in that way. “We’re just friends, and you’re just a douche bag.”

I shook my head more to myself than anyone, laughing under my breath. If this incident didn’t help me move past the Austin twins…I wasn’t sure what would. I noticed Brooklyn, Madison, and Isaiah off to the side of the crowd. Sympathetic looks spread across each of their faces.

“What’s so funny?” Jax asked in a condescending tone.

A voice rose up out of me I wasn’t expecting then, powerful and strong, “Oh you know, for me being so ‘beneath’ you.” I used air quotes to mock him. “It’s funny how much my popularity has skyrocketed just from all your attention and focus on me.”

Jax looked dumbfounded, unable to form a good comeback. Jace’s expression was a mix of shock and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it looked a hell of a lot like sadness. I didn’t waste another breath on the twins, turning on my heel and heading straight for my group of friends…who by the way, were all smiling ear to ear.

Four: How Can Someone Hate Football—the American Pastime?

My Life—My Choice

I didn’t want to listen to anything they had to say

It’s my life—my choice, I’m going to live it today

Nothing’s going to stop me, I’ve waited so long

This world has changed me, hear the message in this song

I’m so inexperienced, yet I’m so hungry

I’d drop everything to live my-my dream

I’m so close, yet I’m so-so-so far

Excuse me while I boost this car

I’d climb mountains just to get there

Wouldn’t take no as an answer

I’ll stop fighting when I’m dead

But for now, I’ll forge ahead

I wasn’t able to stay away from Jace for long. We still had AP English together and I had to see him bright and early every morning at eight a.m. So, I did the only thing I could think of, I avoided him and pretended he didn’t exist, yet made sure I looked as cute as possible; wearing dresses and makeup every single day. I thought I had a foolproof plan…that was until my teacher Ms. Fink paired us up on a writing assignment together.

“But Ms. Fink, you don’t understand, can I please be assigned to a different partner?” I begged immediately after class that day.

“Sometimes in life, Peyton, you have to do things you don’t want to do…and do you know what lesson that teaches us?” Ms. Fink eyed me down through her black framed glasses.

“I don’t know,” I groaned.

“Growth,” she whispered as I turned away from her.

“Ouch.” Jace appeared out of nowhere; kind of like he always did.

“No offense or anything,” I said quickly. “I just don’t want the drama.”

He looked back at me with a somewhat hurt expression. “You don’t have to keep acting like I’m the enemy you know.”

“I know, but it’s more exciting that way,” I replied before walking past him and to my locker.

It was lunch time and I had every intention on meeting my two best friends there so we could attempt to find some trouble to get into, but the sight of Jax waiting there for me had me turning on my heel faster than I could process a thought.

What the hell is Jax Austin doing at my locker?

With my luck, he was waiting to obliterate me after the embarrassment I put him through in the lunch room. Even though we had three classes together, I had managed to avoid him quite thoroughly. I never went to class more than five minutes early anymore, and I was up and out as soon as the bell rang. I didn’t want any possibility of getting into yet another confrontation with him. It had been working quite well, but I still could sense his eyes on me every day—watching my every move; anticipating my next snarky comment.

I didn’t give him the satisfaction of returning his burning stare. He didn’t deserve anything from me.

Ever since the lunch room debacle, Madison, Brooklyn, Isaiah and I had found a new location to spend our half hour of freedom. Without another thought, I made my way to the outside courtyard and past the row of elm trees our school had only recently planted within the last few years. They had grown so fast and so tall within that short span of time. They were beautiful.

I heard Brooklyn’s loud, rambunctious laugh before I even got close. As I approached, all three set their eyes on me. “It would have been nice to know I was supposed to meet you out here!” I plopped down onto the grass beside my group of friends.

“Girl, I am so sorry—we saw Jax waiting by your locker and knew there was no way in hell you would be caught anywhere near there. We figured this was the safest bet.” Brooklyn looked genuinely concerned.

“And no one thought to shoot me a quick warning text?” I took the straps of my backpack off and began to open it, reaching inside for my packed lunch.

“I texted you like three times…is your phone working?” Madison replied, taking a bite of her bologna sandwich.

“Seriously?” I asked, quickly retrieving it from the pocket of my jeans. Sure enough, there were multiple unread text messages. As I began to sift through them, I came across a phone number I didn’t recognize. I opened it hesitantly, unsure of its contents.

For a fatty, you sure move with purpose.

My stomach was in knots. How in the hell did Jax get my number? I couldn’t imagine anyone else going through the trouble of procuring it just to torture me some more.

“Peyton, are you okay?” Isaiah asked, obviously catching my sickened state.

I swallowed deeply before responding. “I need to change my number…”

“What?” Brooklyn asked, her ears perking up.

“Jax is texting me. How in the hell did he get my number?” This had to be a worst case scenario. Was I being Punk’d? I thought I had my system down pat for avoiding him and his crazy antics.

“Are you joking?” Madison asked. Her mouth hanging open in shock.

“Does this look like a joke to you?” I snapped back, shoving my phone into her face so she could see the demeaning text.

“That’s it, I’m going to kill him!” Brooklyn jumped to her feet after seeing the spiteful words on the screen of my phone.

I grabbed her quickly by the arm, stopping her. “No. I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.” As much as I loved her, and I did more than many people in the world, she needed to understand that she couldn’t be the one to solve my problems…I needed to do it on my own.

“You know that I hate when anyone hurts my best friend,” she said softly, before settling back down into position beside me.

“I know, and I love you for that…but I will deal with this.” I shot her a grateful look.

“He’s only fascinated with you because you’re friends with Jace,” Brooklyn stated. I wasn’t sure if we could actually classify whatever Jace and I were as a friendship or an acquaintance.

Another text rang through to my phone from the unfamiliar number. What’s the matter—can’t think of a good comeback? Where’s your backbone porker?

“Do you guys know how to block a number?” I wasn’t even sure it could be done, but at this rate, my inbox was going to be filled with insults from the creep. The idea that I was going to have to get a new number was irritating to say the least. I had had the same number for the past three years…since my parents got me my first cell phone. But all good things must come to an end.

*              *              *

Jace and I had been meeting at the local library a few times a week in our preparation for our assignment. It was to craft a short story and then bind it like a real book to which we would present in a few weeks. Although Jace was talented with on-the-spot banter, he wasn’t able to string his words together as eloquently when it came to writing, So we made a deal; he would design the book binding and do all the artwork for it---apparently he liked to draw in his spare time, who knew—and I would write the entire short story. Our plan was working out swimmingly; we actually made a decent team.

It was so strange to think that he came from the same bloodline as the spawn of Satan. They were so different it was unbelievable. Had they ever been close?

“What?” Jace asked, referring to my scrunched up nose.

“Oh, nothing…” I trailed off, looking away.

“No, what is it?” He pressed, his blue eyes burning into mine.

“It’s just hard to understand how you can be related to such a terrible human being…” I felt bad as soon as the words left my mouth. “I mean,” I stuttered, trying to find the right words. “You two are like polar opposites—the good versus the evil.”

He laughed awkwardly, running his hand through his short, brown hair. “He wasn’t always like this…”

“Really? I highly doubt that…I bet it took him years to perfect his role as the biggest douchebag on the history of the planet.” Okay, maybe I went a little overboard with that. “What happened to him?”

“Well…after my parents divorced, he just kind of stopped caring. I don’t know what it was like living with my dad after that time, but I have a sinking feeling it has a lot to do with Jax’s behavioral change. Toss in my mother’s accident, and I’m not sure I can entirely blame him…” Jace shrugged.

“Aren’t you living with your dad too now?” I asked, attempting to tread lightly. I wasn’t sure if any of it was my business.

He nodded. “I try to stay to myself. My father and I haven’t really seen eye to eye in a long time, and after my mother’s accident he turned into someone I didn’t know. Someone I’m not even sure I like. So, do I get to hear the story before we turn it in or what?” Jace swiftly changed the subject.

“Yeah, I just want to make sure it is perfect, ya know? I don’t like sharing work of mine when it’s not polished.”

“Wow, you sound like a professional,” Jace joked.

“Shut up,” I shot back, smiling lightly.

“You going to the football game tonight?” He asked.

“I hate football,” I muttered, hoping he didn’t hear me.

“How can someone hate football? It’s the American pastime.” He was looking at me like I was an alien from another planet.

“You’re preaching to the choir. My family loves Sunday football. I have always hated it.” I glanced back at him, and then back at my paper.

“So tell me this, then.” He paused, scooting his chair closer, keeping his voice low because of our surroundings. “Tell me why you hate it and I’ll back off.”

I sighed dramatically, putting my pencil down on the table. “It’s boring; I don’t understand the appeal of running from one side of the field to the other.”

“Oh my God!” Jace threw his head into his hands. “You don’t understand the game at all, do you?” He continued even after his promise, scooting closer once again. “Do you like any sports?”

I nodded. “I like baseball, softball, basketball even.”

He looked at me with another shocked expression. “So you like baseball and basketball, but not football?”

“You’re never going to let this go, are you?” I asked.

He shook his head no, his hand still over his lips. “I’m not going to give this up until I see you out at a football game having fun.”

“Good luck with that.” I chuckled lightly to myself, turning back to the story. Honestly, I’d rather saw off my legs than go to a football game where I knew Jax would be the leading star. It would be inevitable he would see me or someone would tell him I was there and who knows what stunt he might try to pull.

Unfortunately for me, Jace wasn’t lying. Even after our assignment had come and gone, he still made the effort to get me out to a football game. He would send me random texts from the games that were supposed to convey how much “fun” he was having. For the first time I felt like we were building a friendship. After his persistence for nearly a month, I gave in and agreed to go to a football game with my friends. Brooklyn loved football and Isaiah was on the team, so naturally she went to cheer on her man.

I had butterflies in my stomach the night of the game because it was going to be the first time I would see Jace outside of class, but also because I was terrified of the outcome of potentially running into Jax or any of his posse. My intention was to stick like glue with my friends so he never got a chance to humiliate me. I didn’t tell Jace I was going to be there…I wanted to see the shocked look on his face. I kind of liked keeping him on his toes.

What I hadn’t banked on was the sight of Jace and another girl. She looked younger than me by a year or two, and I didn’t recognize her from our small town. I saw them in the stands as we were weaving through the crowd searching for a spot on the bleachers. They were in the middle part of the stands that housed only juniors, seniors, and the popular clique.

I tried to keep my head down as we passed—but I could feel Jace’s eyes burning into my skull. “Peyton?” I heard him call after me as I walked by. I looked back just in time to see him pulling away from his short, blond bombshell and making his way down the bleachers towards me.

“Hey,” I mumbled.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” A smile began to spread across his lips like wildfire.

I nodded. “Yup, I decided to give it a shot like you had suggested.” You could cut the awkward tension with a knife. It didn’t help that I could feel the blonde’s eyes fixated on me.

“Jace!” she shouted, motioning with her hand for him to return to her side.

“Your girlfriend?” I asked, not wanting to hear the answer one bit.

He nodded with a strange shrug. “Here, let me introduce you.” He motioned for her to join us at the bottom of the bleachers.

The idea of coming face to face with her made me irritated. “Actually, I don’t even know where my friends went.” I looked back the way we had been walking, before Jace had grabbed my attention. With my luck I wouldn’t be surprised if I had lost them.

It was halftime suddenly, and the field filled up with our school’s cheerleading squad performing their routine. Jace’s girlfriend was at his side in an instant. She eyed me up and down as she closed the distance between us, giving me a snooty look and then staring back at Jace. “I’m hungry,” she whined. “Let’s go get some food!”

“In a second, Jess, I wanted to introduce you to my friend Peyton.” He pointed towards me. “Jessica, this is Peyton.”

“Nice to meet you,” I lied through my teeth, shaking her hand. There was no denying the claws that were coming out. While Jessica may have played nice when it came to Jace—she didn’t bother to hide her disdain for me.

“Peyton was my partner for that English assignment I was telling you about,” he attempted to make conversation. I wanted nothing more than an exit.

“Oh…cool,” she replied, in an uninterested tone. I saw her look past me in an animated fashion, waving her arms out towards someone. “Kari Ann! Come on, we’re going to get food!”

The minute I heard her name I bounced. The situation had been awkward enough and I didn’t feel the need to stir the pot anymore or add any more tension to the mix. “See ya later,” I threw over my shoulder as I walked away from the drama.

After another hour or so of watching the boring sport, the game was finally over. As we began to make our way out of the bleachers and to our cars, I excused myself to make a quick bathroom break.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Brooklyn asked.

“No, I think I can manage.” I shot her a sly grin then made my way to the girls’ locker room. It was eerily quiet as I finished up and began washing my hands. Usually, I didn’t bother staring into mirrors too long, they almost always made me feel more insecure with myself and my body, but today I found myself examining my reflection.

The girl looking back at me, although a bigger girl, had a pretty face. Her long curls were pulled into a messy bun and her hazel eyes were sparkling. I smiled briefly at her until something sinister took over my vision in the mirror.

Piercing blue eyes.

Jax.

Jax was in the girls’ locker room—staring straight at me through the glass of the mirror. My heart was pounding out of my chest.

He had changed out of his uniform, but his face was still red and sweaty from the big game.

“You haven’t been returning any of my texts—did you change your number?” He asked, a sadistic smile forming at the corner of his lips.

“Go fuck yourself,” I muttered under my breath as I turned around and attempted to brush right past him.

“Excuse me?” He asked, as he roughly grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him.

“Let go of me!” I struggled to wriggle free of his death grip.

“But what would be the fun in that?” He remarked snidely.

Quite frankly, I had had enough. Without further hesitation, I slammed my foot down on top of his as hard as I could, stunning him into loosening his grip. As soon as I freed my arm, I placed both hands on his shoulders and kneed him right in the balls. I watched as he cried out in pain, grabbing his crotch in pain, before falling helplessly to the ground.

Before I knew it Brooklyn had come running in. “What the—“ I didn’t let her finish before I grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the locker room quickly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I ran my hand over my hair.

“What happened in there?” She asked; her eyes wide as saucers.

“I gave Jax exactly what he deserved—a swift kick in the groin.” I couldn’t help giggling as I said it. He had no clue but he was fueling the fire within me. If he kept at it, who knew what my next stunt would be. I had the upper hand for once, and it felt good.

*              *              *

Anyone who knew me knew I absolutely hated karaoke, as in I was the first member of the haters club. There were a few things that irked me; the predictable selection of songs, having to listen to tone deaf singers, and having to embarrass yourself; so it was beyond surprising to not only myself, but all of my close friends and family that I agreed to attend Madison’s family’s annual ‘Karaokethon.’

Every year her mother extended out an invitation to me and every year it conveniently got lost in the mail. This year was different though, something felt different inside of me. Brooklyn was a regular at the get-together, so I knew I would be in good company. Music definitely ran through all of our veins; Madison had been in orchestra since middle school playing violin and Brooklyn had been in band learning the drums like the badass she was. They normally accompanied all of the performers during the annual event.

My parents were finally loosening their reigns, allowing me small bits of freedom. As long as I kept to my curfew, they were satisfied. I think it made my mother feel better seeing me out and about, enjoying life.

I guess I had let it slip my mind that the party was so huge, in fact, that Madison sent invites to the majority of our junior class. It had such a huge turnout that a couple of years ago they moved from hosting it at their house to a local venue, the Joint.

I saw Kari Ann’s stink eye before anything else, but surprisingly that was the worst she dished out. Apart from the usual familiar faces, I searched the crowd for Jace’s handsome face when a hand was suddenly waving in front of my eyes.

“Hello!” It was Liam.

“Hey you!” I embraced my good friend.

“Are you going to participate or watch?” he asked as he released me, a notepad in hand.

“Hold up, are you hosting this?” I asked, impressed he had it in him.

“Oh girl, I host it every year!” He whipped his head back as if he had a full head of hair.

“Well, excuse me!” I laughed. “I’ll be cheering everyone on from the sidelines.”

“Okay, suit yourself.” He jotted something down on his notepad.

“Hey, have you seen Jace around anywhere?” I asked in a hushed tone. I could always count on Liam for the latest gossip.

Liam looked back at me, his eyebrows raised. “Oh, he’s here.”

My heart began to pound out of my chest violently. “What does that mean?”

“He’s not alone…” Liam turned his back on me and continued approaching other peers.

Sure enough, after finding a seat in the audience, I noticed his brown head of hair and Jessica’s familiar figure. I was glaring so hard at the back of her head I was surprised lasers didn’t shoot out of my eyes. Brooklyn found me in the crowd and joined me.

“You going to participate?” I asked her. It was a dumb question, Brooklyn loved the attention and she was sure to pull off some kind of crazy stunt.

“Hell yes, I’m going to perform. I’m hitting them hard with Tupac.”

I smiled, shaking my head lightly. “You are like the coolest person I know.”

“I know.” She winked at me, then pretended to dust her shoulders off.

“Oh, please!” I nudged her with my shoulder.

“Why aren’t you getting up there?” Brooklyn knew I could sing; knew I had a voice.

“You know how I feel about karaoke.” The answer seemed stupid seeing as I was currently at a karaoke event.

“So?” Brooklyn asked, unfazed. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

She had a point. “Will you guys be my back-up?”

“What do you want to do, baby girl?”

Everyone would be watching me; everyone had been watching me…it was no different. It’s not like I could bury myself any more than I already had. “Whitney Houston.”

The Karaokethon was so much more than simply karaoke—it was live band karaoke, with lights and effects. They made you feel like a star. They dimmed the lights before it was my turn to go on, my heart was pounding against my chest. All eyes were on me.

Two pairs of piercing blue eyes were fixated on me. It wasn’t hard to conclude that Jax was also in the vicinity. I hadn’t seen him since he had cornered me in the girls’ locker room and got a swift kick in the balls for it. I had been doing my best to avoid him as always, but I knew the next time we crossed paths he would probably be out for blood.

“If I should stay—“ The entire venue went silent and you could have heard a pin drop. It didn’t help that I had to begin the song solo and the spotlight was only illuminating me, not my two counterparts. “I would only be in your way…”

Something took over my mind and body then, it was like an out of body experience. I was watching my performance unfold right before my very eyes, and it was magical.

After I finished, the venue erupted with cheers, making my heart pound out of my chest. People were hooting and whistling. They actually liked me. I shifted my eyes around the room attempting to get a glance of the twins. I was dying to see the look on each of their faces. Unfortunately for me, neither one of them were in sight.

*              *              *

Fall quickly faded away and winter was taking its run at everything. I had been spending the past few months doing nothing other than going to school, hanging out with my few friends and family, and I even joined a gym with Brooklyn. We had been very diligent, although sometimes we cheated with food; we always pushed ourselves at the gym. Some days we would work out two hours a day. Others, you would find us making up dance routines in the middle of the night, on top of our daily workouts. It was amazing, the results we were seeing. After less than three months, Brooklyn had gone from a size eighteen to a size sixteen. She was looking great, feeling great, and loving life.

I was feeling the results more than I thought I saw them. I knew I had originally been two hundred pounds, with a goal weight of one fifty. Today, I weighed one hundred and seventy five pounds, but was walking around with a new found confidence. I could no longer fit in my size fifteen jeans, and was currently in between a size twelve and thirteen. It was a difficult place to be when shopping, especially for jeans, being that I was merely 5’4. Jeggings became my new best friend.

Jace had been avoiding me off and on since our last awkward encounter. Our conversations were stiffer now and usually didn’t go further than the polite greetings. Gossip was in high gear not too long after the Karaokethon, when Jace switched his Facebook relationship status to single. After that you couldn’t walk the halls without hearing his name or whispers about him. It was like a competition to see who he would end up with. I was curious as to what had happened to lovely Jessica, but more relieved than anything. I had been strictly focusing on myself. In fact, the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else…or so Brooklyn said. I was definitely still a virgin and still never been kissed, but luckily for me the drama surrounding me had died down. Jax had surprisingly backed off and even appeared cordial at times. I chalked it up to the fact that I one-upped him and he had a bit of respect for that.

On the weekends and even on some weeknights Madison, Brooklyn, and I were able to escape away from the drama that is high school. We went to concerts every night. You could probably even consider us groupies. We loved the attention. All the bands we met treated us like we were equals. They never looked at us like we were losers or tragic accidents. We were able to sneak into so many after parties and able to meet so many different bands, we felt like we were on top of the world. And after a while we realized just how strong our passion for music was when I suggested that we form a band.

“Are you actually serious? You want us to play in a rock band?” Brooklyn asked the night I made the suggestion.

“Yeah, why not? We love this. Why are we standing by on the sidelines when we can be the ones on stage?”

Madison cocked her head towards me, her red curls cascading down her shoulder. “She does have a point.”

“What would we even call ourselves?” Brooklyn posed another question, obviously warming up to the idea.

“How about a Change in Time? We’ve definitely been going through some changes these past few months…I think it seems oddly fitting.” And so it was, we decided to hold auditions for the rest of our key players.

I was so excited to be able to finally sing my lyrics out loud, with music in the background. Everyone had made such a big deal at the Karaokethon that it instilled confidence in me I never had before. It was a strange feeling getting a standing ovation and knowing my two biggest haters were somewhere in the crowd. I felt like Jax’s eyes were boring into me, judging me. For once in my life though, I was concentrating on what made me happy.

In the band, Madison took on the role of violinist/back-up vocalist, Brooklyn signed on as the drummer, and we found an amazing guitarist, with tons of potential and performance background, and Noah Leaderman; who conveniently also sang harmonies. Harper Michaels joined in as the keyboardist, and Josiah Jensen rounded up the band as the kickass bassist. We were actually surprisingly good. We devoted endless hours to writing, practicing, and rehearsing and it was definitely paying off in the right way.

The rapport that we were able to build within the band in such a short amount of time playing together was refreshing. I woke up breathing music, I went to bed breathing it. I never realized just how much it ran through my blood. Music fueled me.

After close to two months of preparation, we finally agreed it was time to book our first show. It was obvious I was extremely nervous, so the girls in the band talked me into a day of pampering before our debut.

We had planned to get our hair cut, colored, styled, nails done, and makeup done as well as all pick out an outfit for the nights event. It was a very widely promoted show, as we had somehow, someway managed to land an opening spot for our favorite band, DarienMae.

They were regulars to our small town of Ohio, traveling through it to play sometimes four to five times in a month. During their last stop through town I had slipped our band demo into a care package Madison and I had made for Colton Lee, the guitarist, and amazingly enough, he actually played it. He called me the following day to tell me that the guys and he had been listening to the EP on repeat. They knew right then and there they had to have us open for them the next time they returned.

I was nervous about our debut, but I knew I had never looked better which strangely instilled a bout of confidence I hadn’t known I had. I was wearing a sweetheart, strapless, black dress, black leather jacket, black leggings, and black booties with bows on the side. I also traded out my boring glasses for bright blue contacts.

There were four bands on the roster for the night. DarienMae was the headliner, and there were three opening bands, The Union of Attica, The Conspiracy Diaries, and us, A Change in Time.  We were scheduled to play prior to DarienMae. We were ecstatic.

One of our favorite things to do was practice how we were going to begin our set. We wanted to stand out apart from all the other hometown bands. So right before we were to begin, Noah, Josiah, and Brooklyn were the only ones to go on stage and set up the equipment. They even tuned the violin and set up the keyboard station.

Our intro to Deuces Wild was so long in fact that each instrument got a chance to start separately. We began our set with Brooklyn beating out the beginning of the intro, into a duet of drums and bass, played swimmingly by Josiah. On the 12th count, Noah jumped in; strumming like his life depended on it. Harper surprised the audience by coming onstage four counts after, bouncing all over the stage, with enthusiasm. Madison hopped on the left side of the stage, people were entranced. They wondered would there ever be singing. I knew it was my turn; I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and before they even realized it, I left my spot in front row, and hopped on stage. The audience was mesmerized. I was addicted. This feeling was like none I had ever felt before. Before when I had a ton of eyes on me, it was usually because people were disgusted with me, or making fun of me. This time, people were looking at me, willing me to dazzle them with my voice.

Looking around, letting the intro drag on, I spotted my sister and her boyfriend Bentley. Next to them I saw my parents; my mother’s head nestled in my father’s shoulder. I caught a glimpse of Liam making out with a stranger I’d never met and we locked eyes long enough for me to give him a mental high five, and then I saw Jax and Jace. Isaiah, Brooklyn’s boyfriend was next. Wait. Wait. What in the world are Jax and Jace doing here? I had never seen Jax or any of his posse at any DarienMae shows or the like, I was so entranced by the sight of the two, I didn’t even realize the band had moved on and had already begun the song.

“He worked himself at two dead end jobs,” Madison sang my part, hesitantly into my microphone, looking at me, willing me to move and not blow the entire show. It was after all, the biggest night of our lives.

“Never knowing what to do, never making quite enough, and the deuces were wild,” I recovered. I gained fuel from the energy of the audience when people heard my voice. “No one knows the cards in your hand, just keep playing, you’ll understand, life isn’t easy, it isn’t free, things have a price, even you and me,” we harmonized.

“The pregnant girl with nowhere to go, walks along alone, the babies’ daddy left her alone, and the deuces were wild,” I sang loudly with a twang. “No one knows the cards in your hands just keep playing you’ll understand, life isn’t easy, it isn’t free, things have a price, even you and me,” Madison and I sang in tow, back to back, feeding off each other’s energy.

“And the deuces were wild,” Madison sang.

“And the deuces were wild,” I repeated, ending the song. The audience erupted with cheers and screams, and I knew, this was my calling.

Five: Lately it’s Been a lot Simpler to Find my Voice

This Is Me

Oooh---oooh

Let me tell you an enchanting story

About a little baby, honey bee

Knowing there was more to this world

She was a determined little girl

As she grew older

She found her voice

Peers against her; she had to make a choice

Stop looking back, keep moving straight

Time to give her life the rearrange

Oooh---oooh

Always so accommodating

She got taken advantage of

Never knowing who to trust

She lost her faith in love

No one knew who she really was

She was terrified to open up

All they saw was a confident girl

Staring back out at the world

Oooh---oooh

Was it so hard to find someone honest?

Why was she always stabbed in the back?

What did she do to deserve this?

Could she regain the confidence she lacked?

Her heart told her to walk away

Her mind told her to stay

Always defaulting to her loyalties

I should mention that girl was me

Oooh---oooh

It took a long time to realize I deserve better

I don’t need to settle

Leeches aren’t friends

I got better

I got stronger

I got faster

I got wiser

This—Is—Me.

After the show ended and we had mingled as much as humanly possible, we retreated backstage to the band rooms. Disappointed that I hadn’t found Jace after everything was finished, I transferred my attention to the lead guitarist of my favorite band and also the headliners, Colton. He was looking extra yummy tonight after giving an epic performance. He had longer, shaggy light brown hair, with green eyes. He didn’t have perfect teeth like I was attracted to, but there was a vulnerability in his smile. Plus our connection from day one had felt so electric; so right.

After being attached at the hip all night, which was something I had become accustomed to with Colton, I felt our connection once again; it was undeniable. Both bands, ours and DarienMae, shuffled into the bigger of our two band rooms and hurled ourselves all over the furniture. I found myself squished into a loveseat in the middle of the room with Colton. It was immediately painstakingly loud. Everyone was talking at once, wanting to gossip over how the night went.

I threw my head back, exhausted from the intense night, closing my eyes.

“In all the times we’ve talked, and all the times we’ve hung out, I never expected that from you.” Colton exclaimed, jarring me from my peace.

“What?” I asked, curiously.

“You were amazing, Peyton. We’ve talked a lot in the past about you singing and wanting to pursue that, but I never knew it was to this extent.” His eyes sparkled as he complimented me.

I couldn’t help but blush. There was no doubt Colton was my type, and even though I was still hung up on Jace, the new me was open to the possibilities. “Thanks.” I blushed, looking away.

“You really put on a show onstage. What’s your stage name?” he joked.

“Huh?” I was puzzled as to what he was getting at.

“You’re just lacking a little when it comes to the confidence department. Why is that?” he asked, looking around cautiously, to make sure everyone else was still in their side conversations.

I sat up; uncomfortable he had made this assessment of me, which unfortunately was spot on. My walls were supposed to protect people from seeing the real me, but for the first time, I felt like someone could see me, the real Peyton. “I don’t know,” I lied, before settling back into position next to Colton.

He looked around; mildly annoyed at how loud everyone else was being, and then shot me a sly grin. “You want to get out of here?”

I felt vulnerable, I felt anxious, and I felt excited. Butterflies swarmed my insides, willing me to take this leap of faith. “Okay,” I replied, hesitantly.

“Okay,” he repeated, standing up, and lending his hand for me to stand as well. I wondered how he would respond if people asked where we were going or wanted to come along, but as it turned out, everyone was too engulfed in their own conversations and side parties, and we were able to slip out unnoticed.

I blindly followed him, asking minimal questions, Colton was someone I had always dreamt of spending time alone with, but never had the confidence to make that known to him. Now, with my new self, I felt enough confidence that I, Peyton Lane could actually be enough for the infamous Colton Lee.

We ended up sneaking away to his hotel room. It did make me a little nervous, being alone with him, especially with all of my inexperience! But I was also excited; the possibility that I could experience my first kiss was driving me insane with anticipation.

It was a lot different than what I expected, especially for someone of such a young age. Colton was wise beyond his years and more mature than all of his peers. He was the youngest in his band, merely twenty years old. At first, we talked for what seemed like hours; just genuinely getting to know one another. He was better than anything I could have ever imagined. I couldn’t believe I wasted so much time worrying about the Austin twins who wouldn’t even give me the time of day, when there was this amazing man out in the world, just waiting for me. I felt like Colton was made for me and me for him—we fit. I couldn’t explain it; it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I knew deep down it was as simple as liking someone and having the feeling returned, but that seemed too right.

We were seated on the couch in his hotel room, close enough to touch, but far enough away to be appropriate in any situation. I was wiping away tears in the corner of my eyes from laughing so hard at something Colton had said, when he changed everything. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” he asked out of nowhere, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

I was suddenly aware I was shaking, uncontrollably. It was an uncomfortable sight, so I got up suddenly and retreated to an adjacent wall, which I leaned upon. I couldn’t even look at him. No one had ever called me beautiful before; it had to be too good to be true. He obviously felt the awkward tension and didn’t waste any time addressing it. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked, as he rose and started slowly coming towards me.

My heart was beating faster and harder with each step he took forward. I couldn’t remember how to breathe. I was pretty sure I was going to faint, but was surprised to see I was still alert when he finally made his way to me. “Hey.” He touched my cheek softly, “What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t look him in the eyes with such an embarrassing confession, so I did my best to look away. “No one has told me that before.”

“What? That you’re beautiful?” Suddenly something seemed to click for him. I saw pain in his eyes, the realization finally making its appearance. “You are beautiful, Peyton.” He looked down into my eyes for a long time, willing me to believe him, willing me to see what he saw.

I was still shaking, butterflies attacking my insides, and still having trouble breathing, when Colton gently caressed my cheek with his hand. I knew this was the moment I had been waiting for all my life; my first kiss. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips against mine. Volts of electricity were shooting through my entire body, out through my fingertips, my toes, even my nose. With each brush of our lips, the magic increased. It began with slow, delicate kisses, and then before I knew it, they were hard, passionate kisses. Colton pressed me up against the wall, continuing to kiss me, but I felt his hands grace my hips and stomach. He was pulling me into his kisses, he was leaving me breathless. Before I knew it, he had my arms pinned against the wall over my head, and he was exploring my body with his mouth, my lips, my cheek, my neck, my ear, I could hardly bare it. I was fully aware I was moaning, but I didn’t care, this felt good.

Finally, he let up, allowing me to breathe, smiling to himself. “What are you smiling about? I asked, coyly.

He gave me one more know-it all-smile before concluding, “You’ve never been kissed before, have you?”

Oh God, he can tell! I must be a horrible kisser. I blushed, looking down.

“Hey, hey, it’s no big deal.” He kissed my forehead gently. “I’ve just never seen someone get so worked up over kissing before, well, at least not in a long time,” he chuckled to himself.

“Is that bad?” I asked, genuinely concerned.

“It can be good and bad. Bad now, in the sense that, you don’t want to overstep any boundaries before you are ready, and sometimes the lines can be blurred when you get that worked up. Good because when you are ready, it’s going to be a wonderful experience for you.” He led me over to the couch where we sat, his arm around me. “Someday, Peyton, you are going to find someone who is going to tell you that you are beautiful every day, someone who will hold your hand in public, and never miss a moment to kiss you. Someday you will find that person you want to share that beautiful part of yourself with, and someone who will make sure the moment is as perfect as it can be with you.” he whispered in my ear, stroking my hair.

I want that someone to be you, I thought to myself, resting my head on his shoulder.

*              *              *

I had been right; it had been too good to be true. I found out a couple of weeks after that night, after no contact from Colton, that he had not only a girlfriend, but a fiancée. He had had a girlfriend/fiancée when he kissed me. The manager of their band felt the need to keep the girlfriends hidden so the female population would still fall all over the DarienMae boys. It was obviously working. I felt defeated. I thought I was falling in love. I texted him a few times, to no avail. I realized this was life, and I was going to have to move on. So that is what I did, I buried myself in school, in band rehearsal, and with my few friends.

The good news was after the night our band played alongside DarienMae, we had been getting quite a bit of recognition. Bigger known bands were seeking us out to play shows with them. My weekends were definitely occupied and as my popularity grew, so did hatred for me, as people began to become jealous of what I had.

Kari Ann had not made my life any easier making posters and plastering them all around with a picture of a pig and my name on it. Brooklyn had caught her posse putting them up in the girl’s locker room when she chased them off. People didn’t mess with Brooklyn, everyone knew that.

It was the beginning of spring term and I was headed into my acting class, disappointed because this term, I was the only one of our trio actually enrolled. Brooklyn and Madison had both decided to graduate early, and therefore, I was left by my lonesome. There were the few usual faces I recognized from my older acting classes, but as my eyes scanned the room, they caught sight of something I couldn’t ignore—Jace, sitting right there in front of me. My heart dipped to my stomach. He saw me as well, shooting me a simple smile. I had to tell my legs to move after I found myself frozen there in front of him for what seemed like hours. I made my way to the front of the class and sat down; happy he would be the one burning holes into the back of my head and not the other way around.

Thankfully my theatre teacher droned on for the entire two hours of class, so there did not have to be any unwarranted, awkward Jace moments. The bell rang and I lifted my backpack onto my shoulder and began to head out. I noticed Jace waiting at the door, and the closer I got, the more I wanted to run the opposite way, but he was looking straight at me, there was no denying it, he was waiting for me. I approached slowly, and hesitantly, unsure of what he could possibly want. “Hey,” I said, barely above a whisper.

“Long time no talk, huh?” He fell into step beside me as we walked out into the hall.

“Uh huh.” It was unbearable; you could cut the awkward tension with a knife.

“I just wanted to say, I saw your first show, and you were amazing, Peyton.”

“Thanks,” I replied quickly, speeding up my stride, hoping to lose him. He was unfortunately too smart for that, adjusting his stride as well. “You in a hurry to get to lunch?” he joked.

“Sure,” I responded with an uncaring tone.

“Sure?” He grabbed my arm, causing me to stop, mid-step. “Peyton, what’s going on? I know we haven’t really talked in the past few months, but I’d like to think of us still as friends, wouldn’t you?”

“Friends?” I hissed, practically spewing venom in his face. “Since when were we ever friends, Jace? Answer me that.” I twirled on my heel and marched off down the hall.

“Peyton!” he called after me, and I’m sure he thought I didn’t hear it, as it was barely audible above a whisper, but I heard it clear as day, “I’m trying here, Peyton.”

*              *              *

I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Jace since our encounter, but I needed to focus because my band had a huge show to play tonight, we were again going to be opening for DarienMae, but the roster for the show was full of talent. I was nervous about having to run into Colton, but I told myself this was what was best for the band and that I could suck it up for the night. I was hanging out with Noah, pre-show jamming a bit, attempting to come up with some new material.

“Can you take it back to the bridge and just play that on repeat for me, I almost have it.” I smiled up at Noah. There was nowhere else in the world I would rather be than writing music with Noah. Writing my lyrics was therapeutic for me, being able to get my thoughts and feelings out without rejection, was addicting. Noah began strumming softly my selection just as I had asked.

“Was it so hard to find someone honest?”

“Why was she always being stabbed in the back?”

“What did she do to deserve this?”

“Could she regain the confidence she lacked?” I sang with so much volume and strength, I saw Noah’s eyes light up with excitement; I had obviously caught him off guard. I continued, my confidence growing with each note.

“Her heart told her to walk away.”

“Her mind told her to stay.”

“Always defaulting to her loyalties.”

“I should mention that girl was me.” When I finished singing, I looked up at Noah and caught him, mouth hanging wide open, shell-shocked.

“Where in the hell did that come from?” he asked me with excited bewilderment.

“I don’t know,” I answered, honestly. “But lately, it’s just been a lot simpler to find my voice.” I chuckled; I loved the feeling of validation.

“We need to play this song, Peyton. We need to play this song tonight. We need to end the set with this song.” Noah set his guitar against the wall and began pacing, his brown eyes hidden by his furrowed brows. He was apparently in deep thought.

“Get real.” I laughed. “We have exactly a half hour until the show, how do you expect us to find everyone and have them learn their parts in time?”

“Well, seeing as we aren’t the first band up, I’d say we have a much better chance than you originally thought.” He shot me a playful grin.

“Are you sure about this? We’ve never gone out there unless our material is polished…” Honestly, I was more worried what people would think. This song revealed parts of me that I had kept hidden for years. I didn’t know if I was willing to be that vulnerable, especially with everything that had happened in my life, thus far. It was an exciting, yet terrifying feeling to open oneself up like such.

“This is the best song you, I mean, we have ever written. People are going to relate to you, Peyton. It has such a strong message, I really feel like after tonight, everything is going to change.” He was speaking with such enthusiasm; it was difficult not to feel the same.

Six: Are You Buying All the Bullshit He Fed You?

Live Your Life Right

I once heard a man crying over a dream once lost

All I could tell him was keep dreaming on

Life has its turns, this ain’t no surprise

So keep dreaming on, and live your life right

Noah had been right; I had been approached by more than ten people letting me know how much of an impact my final song had left on them. Total strangers were coming up to me, letting me in on their deepest darkest secrets as some sort of way to relate to me. It was a magical feeling; none of my other songs had ever created such an impact. I was flying on cloud nine; nothing could bring me down…except the sight of Colton and who I now knew was his fiancée. My mind said the word so aggressively; I had to keep reminding myself I had no reason to hate her. She had done nothing to me. In fact, if anything, I had wronged her. Even though Colton was arm-and-arm and mingling with her, I couldn’t help but notice his glances my way, if almost to keep tabs on me. At least I knew I looked fabulous, I was wearing a dark blue, baby doll shirt that was sparkly and frilly, along with black lace leggings, and my new favorite booties. My hair was curled into loose curls under a black beaded headband that matched my black, beaded bracelet. My make-up was dark today. Probably the most daring I had ever been. The past few weekends Kayleigh and Brooklyn had been giving me make-up tutorials and I was really catching on; I had opted for a smoky eye with just a bit of blue incorporated. I looked smoking, and I knew it.

“Come on, let’s go talk.” Brooklyn grabbed me by the arm and whisked me outside. “The new song was a hit!” She hugged me, jumping up and down.

“Thank you.” I let her go and we sat down on the steps outside the building.

“How are you handling the whole Colton thing? I saw you guys exchanging some lingering looks. What’s the deal?” She glanced at me.

“It’s hard, I mean, seeing her, and knowing that she is real. That she was real when he kissed me. It’s difficult, but I’m trying not to think too much about it…” I trailed off as Isaiah waltzed straight up to us.

“You guys were great!” He came up clapping.

“Oh stop it!” Brooklyn giggled, jumping up and into his arms. They were very affectionate all the time, but were always aware of their surroundings, so after a quick kiss, they asked if I wanted to head out with them, but I decided to stay. I knew I would be alone, without Brooklyn or Madison, and out of my comfort zone, but leaving that early, when it wasn’t even past ten, seemed too cowardly. My parents had set a curfew of midnight for me, and as long as I adhered to it, we had no issues.

I watched them walk away, then decided I liked the fresh air and might stay put for a few minutes. I sat back down and closed my eyes, just breathing in the air, feeling my surroundings. When I opened my eyes, I noticed that someone had quietly slid right up next to me. At first, I was sure that someone was Jace, but after almost thirty seconds of staring in disbelief, I realized it was Jax, not Jace.

“Hey,” he greeted me.

My stomach instantly dropped. He was like a virus I couldn’t get rid of.

I didn’t even respond; after everything he had put me through, he didn’t deserve a second of my time. I just looked away and then stood to walk away from him. I was not going to give him the satisfaction of a response.

“Peyton.” He grabbed my wrist to stop me, and before I understood what was going on, I realized Jax was kissing me. Actually kissing me! My eyes were still open due to shock, but he was eagerly kissing me, I didn’t even have time to register a thought.

I didn’t know what came over me then, but I pulled back instantly, slapping him so hard, my hand was red and shaking.

He rubbed his sore cheek gingerly. “Ouch, what the hell was that for?”

“You think after everything you did to me—you can just show up here and kiss me? Well I’m sorry, but I have news for you, that isn’t the way life works. I don’t know what kind of game you’re trying to play here, but I want no part of it.” I stood quickly, my mind still reeling from the stolen kiss.

“You’re different Peyton…” he exclaimed softly, rising up next to me.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, still attempting to contain my rage.

“It’s like, we’ve gone to the same school our entire lives, and our paths have never really crossed until now, why is that? What changed? It’s like you’ve been standing here in front of me the entire time, but only now am I seeing you clearly.” He ran his fingers through my hair.

I pushed his hand away from my face roughly. “We have multiple classes together—you know me, and yet, you still treat me like crap. What makes you think you deserve to say any of this to me? Did you suddenly forget what an asshole you’ve been to me; what you put me through? You must have a death wish.”

My patience was wearing thin. For all I knew he was recording our entire interaction with some hidden camera and was going to put it on YouTube for a chance to humiliate me even further. I had already changed my number because of his rude, snide remarks, and been avoiding him for months, but I wasn’t sure how much further he could take it.

“Peyton, I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I was an asshole—I know. I’m the quarterback of the football team, I have an image to uphold…you just got mixed up in the crosshairs.” His apology felt lackluster to me.

“Why now Jax? Why now after all of the pain and agony you put me through should I give you any of my time?” I crossed my arms in front of my body protectively. Maybe I should have left with Brooklyn and Isaiah. Maybe then I wouldn’t have had to deal with the snake.

“You don’t put up with any of my crap. You are blunt and aggressive and you aren’t scared to say what’s on your mind.”

“So?” I had no intention of making his apology any easier on him.

“So, you’re unlike anyone I have ever met before.” He sighed, folding his arms across his chest as well.

“If you kiss me again, I’ll punch you,” I threatened, still unsure of what to think about the situation as a whole.

He stepped back, throwing his hands in the air as surrender. “I promise not to kiss you again until you ask for it.”

Cocky one he was…

*              *              *

Gossip was in high gear when I returned to school that following Monday. I was the main attraction; again. Everywhere I looked people were whispering, pointing, looking. This instance though wasn’t because I was being made fun of, it was because since Jax had kissed me Friday night, everyone, and I do mean everyone was dying to know what his next move would be.

People who never used to give me the time of day were coming up to me and congratulating me. I got asked to eat lunch with more people than I could count. Everything was so out of control, and I wasn’t prepared for any of it. The only thing that hadn’t changed was Kari Ann’s extreme disgust for me, and oddly enough it was the thing I looked forward to now.

I was slightly relieved to be able to start my morning off with theatre class. An environment I could hone my craft, and really take my mind off of all of this mess. But I quickly laughed to myself, remembering I had the class with Jace, and it was just a little hard to take my mind off of Jax with his twin brother burning holes into the sides and back of my head. I was dreading the thought of him speaking to me, I knew he had to have heard the rumors…I wondered slightly what he thought about it all.

It was scenes week in class and to my mortified knowledge, I had been cast in a scene alongside none other than Jace. It was all too much. Glancing over the script I realized it was going to be a romantic scene that Jace and I would have to play and it called for a kiss! Can my life get any more complicated? I secretly cursed to myself. As I was digesting what was going to take place, I noticed Jace approach.

“Hey.” He waved, taking a seat beside me. “So, what do you think about the scene?”

“Umm, I haven’t really given it much thought,” I lied. “But are we really talking about the scene here or…” I trailed off.

“What are you talking about?” Jace asked. I wasn’t sure if he was being honest or playing dumb. So I just decided to nip it in the bud.

“I know you’ve heard Jax kissed me.” I looked up at him through lowered lashes, not sure what his reaction would be.

“Uh huh,” he replied, almost monotone. “And what does that have to do with our scene?”

Suddenly I felt extremely stupid. Here I was thinking it was going to be this huge deal to him because it was for the rest of the world, but it was obvious to me now he didn’t give two flying fucks.

“Nothing,” I responded after what seemed like forever, and we left it at that. I had been so sure he didn’t care one stinking bit that when he finally commented on the situation over an hour later, I wasn’t prepared.

“Can I just ask you one thing?” He stopped highlighting his script and turned to face me. “Are you buying all the bullshit he fed you?”

My cheeks were red in a matter of seconds. What if Jace knows something I don’t? What if everyone does? Did I get played by Jax? I wouldn’t put it past him; after all he had put me through. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. Jace looked at me with sympathy in his eyes, which just made it that much worse. Tears were forming at the corner of my eyes, but I was determined to blink them back. He probably thought I had something stuck in my eye, when in reality, I was trying not to have a full on break down in front of him.

“Peyton,” he said softly, rubbing my arm with his hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he whispered. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, especially by him. I haven’t been around him much my whole life, even though we are brothers…but from what I’ve seen in this past year, I just don’t believe he has your best interests at heart. Just promise me you won’t buy everything he says right away. Promise me you will think before moving forward with him, please.”

“I didn’t ask for any of this,” I said softly, looking down. It was true. All I had ever wanted after everything Jax had done to me was invisibility. I just wanted to be left alone. I never asked in a million years for him to torture me and then play with my emotions.

“Peyton, you deserve someone who wouldn’t dream of hurting you the way he did. Don’t fall for his lies…he hasn’t changed.” Jace’s forehead looked crinkled and worried.

I nodded lightly, not even sure what to say. I had never been more confused in my whole life. It’s like I sat there wishing on a star for my prince charming and fate fooled me with three potentials, who probably would not have ever been in my life if I was still the old Peyton. I didn’t know what to think, whom to trust.

“You deserve better than him, Peyton,” he got out before the bell rang, announcing the end of class.

*              *              *

Lunch had made its appearance, and as I made my way to my locker I caught sight of Jax, leaning there, waiting on me. This time I didn’t book it in the opposite direction. I couldn’t avoid him forever, so I held my head up high and walked directly toward him.

“Hey,” he said, probably the quietest I had ever heard him.

“Hey,” I replied back, opening my locker and throwing my backpack inside. “What do you want, Jax?” He had responded so well in the past to my blunt statements, it only made sense to continue down the same path.

“I thought we could spend lunch together.” He reached his hand up to open my locker wider, his blue eyes suspended on me.

I laughed out loud, but after looking into his face, I quickly realized he wasn’t joking. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“I don’t want to eat lunch with you,” I answered honestly, before beginning to walk away from him and towards the cafeteria.

“Peyton, I’m trying to make up for my mistakes here…you have to give me something.” He grabbed my arm quickly, stopping me from my escape. He was basically pleading with me through his intense stare.

Even though he had been a terrible person to me, his appearance had never changed. He was still the most beautiful boy I had ever laid my eyes on; so deceiving. “Actually Jax, I don’t owe you anything and I’d appreciate it if you left me alone from now on. I accept your apology for your past wrong doings, but I want nothing to do with you.”

I felt a little pang of guilt as I watched his face fall.

“Now, if you could let go of my arm, I’d really appreciate it. My real friends are waiting for me.” His grip loosened almost immediately.

“Peyton, I’m trying to get to know you,” he said softly, after realizing a few peers were watching.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I don’t want to get to know you?” I snapped rudely back at him before walking away.

*              *              *

That day at my locker was not the first or the last of the Jax appearances. In fact, he had been waiting in that same spot every day at 11:45 on the dot. Eventually, I stopped trying to avoid him altogether, as it became obvious he wouldn’t budge. After a week of his persistence I begrudgingly agreed to hear him out.

“Let me take you out to lunch as celebration.” He smiled big, baring his pearly whites.

“What would we be celebrating?” I asked, curiously.

“That you finally warmed up to me.” He laughed and then put his hand on the small of my back, already pushing me towards the front doors. I wasn’t sure what I should do. On one hand, there was Jace telling me that Jax was full of it, and on the other hand, I could get a glimpse into a world I had only wished and dreamed and hoped to be a part of for as long as I could remember. I would be entering the world alongside the guy I had been crushing on for just as long, and the new Peyton was all about taking risks, so I agreed to let him take me.

We ended up at a local favorite hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant. It was so authentic and the staff was so friendly, I had become a regular back in my bigger days. The staff had never seen me in there with any guy, other than Liam, so seeing me walk in with such a handsome face, made all of them grin from ear to ear.

After getting our food, we took a seat across from each other in one of the cozy booths. Jax grabbed my hands in his, and started rubbing them softly. “So I heard you’re in a scene with my brother?”

I nodded, not sure where he was going with it.

“Do you have to kiss him?” I was surprised to hear a pang of jealousy come through his voice.

I nodded again, swallowing slowly. “Okay, well, just as long as it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Picture time!” Jax exclaimed, scooting out of his side of the booth and next to me. “Smile!” I wasn’t sure what his intentions were with the picture, but I hesitantly smiled as he took a selfie of us.

After talking and eating, I understood why Jax had asked me out to lunch with him. He was trying to solidify the status of our relationship. Without even knowing it, I had sealed my fate as Jax’s girlfriend. And in less than ten minutes after leaving the restaurant, my phone started going off nonstop. I picked up my phone to see what all the hype was about and was dumbfounded to find Jax had posted our selfie on Facebook and the caption read, ‘lunch with my beautiful lady’. He had basically announced to the world that I was his girlfriend.

Well that is news to me.

*              *              *

When I made it home that night I finally took the time to sift through my millions of notifications and tons of texts. As I was doing this I came across a text from Colton. It had been from the morning, before the news had even broken. Then, I found two more from him; the second one was a repeat of the first, almost like he sent it again when there was no reply. The third one was more of a plea, it read, Please Peyton, I really need to talk to you. I’m sorry for what happened with us, but please just give me a little bit of your time. I wasn’t sure what he could want, other than just to confront me about the rumors he had heard. But Colton had always been so good to me in the past, and I didn’t want our friendship ruined forever, so I agreed to meet him to talk.

The sun was just setting when I made it to Winslow Park. I saw a silhouette of someone sitting on the swings, and I knew it was Colton. I approached, hesitantly, not sure what to expect from this mysterious meeting of ours. “Hey,” I greeted him as I plopped myself in the swing seat next to his. “You wanted to talk?”

“I heard you have a boyfriend, or I should say I read it rather.” He glanced over at me.

I nodded lightly, still unsure what to make of the entire situation. I never thought in a million years Jax Austin would ever refer to me as his girl. It was something I had dreamt about throughout our adolescence, growing up, but never dreamt would come to fruition. My mind was reeling with a million different thoughts.

Jax had been my dream man…and then he had crushed that dream in the matter of a few minutes at Cooper’s party—only to continue to obliterate it as he continued his torture reign on me. Now, suddenly, he wanted to be with me—the same girl he had worked so hard to humiliate? I had never been more confused in my entire life. I had never felt more torn. Jace’s voice was still replaying in the back of my head almost like a loop. If this was all a big scam, why would Jax go through the trouble and humiliation of linking us together for the entire world to see? Wouldn’t that hurt him more than it hurt me?

“Is it the guy from Friday night?” Colton asked, his expression difficult to read.

I nodded again. “How did you know?”

“There was some gossip Friday night about some guy you were kissing outside of the venue.” I didn’t have to search for a pang of jealously in his voice, it was more than apparent.

“Why does any of this matter to you Colton? You are engaged remember? Why do I mean anything to you?” Each question gained momentum in me.

“It matters because I think I am falling for you! I’ve tried everything I can to stay away from you, Peyton, but I can’t.”  He looked me in the eyes then, long and hard before pressing his lips to mine. My mind and heart were more confused than ever. But one thing my body was not confused about was my longing for Colton. I couldn’t help but kiss him back. The intense spark and chemistry was too much to bear. “I hate being away from you,” Colton murmured between kisses.

We spent the next couple of hours wrapped up in each other; kissing, cuddling, holding hands, just being near one another. I never wanted to leave his arms. “What are we going to do?” I gasped for breath.

“It’s complicated, Peyton. I live with Tara.” Hearing her name hit me like a ton of bricks across the face. Colton obviously noticed this, because he caressed my face with his hands. “Hey,” he said softly, looking me deep in the eyes. “Let’s just take it day by day. All we know is you have a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend—“

“Fiancée,” I cut him off.

“Fiancée, but hopefully not for long.” He closed the distance between us and lowered his lips to mine, parting my lips with his tongue. “Peyton, you’re my future…” I heard him whisper as I closed my eyes and enjoyed the closeness.

Seven: I was Avoiding Colton Like the Plague

No One Knows (The Real Me)

The walls are caving in

Nowhere left to go

My air is wearing thin

How was I to know?

I’m shutting myself down

Away from the free world

Always wearing a frown

No longer a naïve, little girl

Everyone pretends this is the way it’ll be

They like to believe everything they see

A joke of perfection, they’re all naïve

No one knows the real me

Spring break was quickly approaching, and with only one week of school remaining, there was only one thing on everyone’s minds, the Spring Formal. It would be our last hoorah for school, before spring break began.

Instead of calling Jax’s bluff on his newly found affection for me, I was curious to how far he would be willing to take it. I decided to allow him to flaunt our relationship and go along with it until I could make a clear decision on whether he was playing me or not. If I found out our entire relationship was only a cruel joke, I figured I could blow it up before he did. So, I agreed to accompany him to the Spring Formal.

We would be attending alongside a big group of our peers. Brooklyn with Isaiah, and Madison with Liam so they wouldn’t have to go stag—the list went on. Jax’s grandmother got us a hummer limo and it was going to be the aforementioned group, along with Jace and his date, Olivia Jenson, a black haired, emerald eyed junior from a neighboring school, and about twenty more of Jax’s usual group.

Even though I knew I was already going to the dance with Jax, I was still filled with anticipation as to how he was going to ask me and how elaborate it was going to be. I had always been a romantic at heart, so I let my fantasies of the perfect invitation fill my mind. I heard about Isaiah sending Brooklyn a rose to her house every day, until her last one which then asked her to go. I also heard Liam filled Madison’s room with balloons, top to bottom; he was a good friend. I was anxiously awaiting my invitation, wanting to feel a bit of the excitement like the girls had. Although Madison and Brooklyn had opted to graduate early, they were still allowed to attend the dance alongside the current students, I loved the leniency at our school regarding dates for dances.

Unfortunately for me, my romantic invitation would never come. Jax figured that since we were already dating it was assumed we were going together, therefore no invitation necessary. I was disappointed. It was the first dance I had ever had a date for, and yet, so underwhelming. At least my dress was fabulous. Brooklyn, Madison, and I had gone shopping at this amazing, little chic boutique we found. I set my sights on a one-shouldered, long, lilac dress with lots of ruching; it had a slit right down the side of my left leg. I paired my dress with purple peep-toe heels that had a bow on the top. Madison and Brooklyn said Jax was going to be falling all over me, and for once, I believed them.

*              *              *

It was the night of the dance and my usual group of friends, plus the addition of Jax were piled into my family’s home taking pictures. My mother had all the couples arranged going up the stairs, and was on her sixth round of pictures when I finally felt the need to speak up, “Mom, we need to get to the dance.”

“Oh, okay honey. But you all just look so dapper!” My mother chirped.

“Mom, don’t let her be late to her first formal,” Kayleigh chimed in.

We all descended the stairs and began walking out my front door and out to the limo. I paused briefly on our front steps, turning to my sister. “Have any advice for me, big sis?”

“Have a wonderful time, Peyton, you deserve it. Promise me you won’t do anything you’re not ready to do, okay?” I wondered what she meant by that, but nodded, and then hugged her. “You look beautiful by the way,” she whispered into my hair.

I smiled as I released her, realizing my sister and I were finally building the foundation to our relationship. It was something I had always hoped for, but never thought would come. I skipped down the steps in my new heels and joined the group in the limo.

Everyone already had glasses of champagne, and as I climbed in, Jax handed me one as I slid up next to him. “What are we toasting to?” I asked, as I leaned back.

“To tonight.” Jax smiled widely, before clinking his glass against mine.

“To tonight,” I repeated, and then took a long swig of the sweet champagne.

*              *              *

Music was playing softly as I heard Rihanna’s voice come through, pleading for her man to stay. My eyes were attempting to adjust when I felt a strange sensation, I was cold. I was actually shivering and had goose bumps. I was lying on a bed; I wondered when I had fallen asleep. Who brought me home? Am I home? I looked down at my body, terrified to see my dress had been removed, even my bra. I was left in only my lace panties. Millions of thoughts were running through my head when I noticed a blurry figure coming towards me, and I realized quite quickly, that someone was Jax. What did he do to me? I was shaking from fear. “What a-a-are you doing?” I stammered as I wrestled to get as far away as possible from him.

I jumped up from the bed, but was so disoriented, I couldn’t think straight. The room was spinning and I thought I might throw up. “What did you do to me?” I stammered, enveloping my naked body with my arms.

“It’s called a roofie.” Jax replied, smiling a sinister smile.

I had heard horror stories of the infamous date-rape drug. Jace was right.

“Why are you doing this?” I couldn’t help the fear spilling off my voice. I had never felt more unsafe in my entire life.

“You weren’t supposed to wake up so quickly. That was my mistake though, I don’t think I gave you enough of the damn thing. It’s a learning experience.” Has he done this to other girls or am I his first victim?

“You don’t have to do this,” I stammered, attempting to buy myself some time. I began assessing my surroundings looking for the quickest escape route.

As soon as my eyes fell on the door, Jax spoke again. “Oh no you don’t.” Suddenly, had me pinned against the wall; his bare chest against my bare breasts. I was sure he was going to rape me; my first time would be due to rape.

I looked up at him disgusted. Was this his end game all along?

“Please don’t do this Jax, I’m begging you,” I pleaded with him. I felt his hands reaching for my underwear, sliding his fingers across the elastic band, pulling it away from my body. “Stop!” I screamed, pushing him away, but he was strong. Suddenly, power came over me I never knew I had before and I head-butted him.

He went flying backwards, grabbing his forehead. My head was throbbing with pain, but my will to survive was much stronger. He recovered from my stunt much quicker than I anticipated, but my fist was ready for him this time. I pulled back my arm socking him in the face.

That’s right, square in the nose. I was running on such adrenaline I didn’t realize just how much damage I had done to my hand, all I saw was Jax holding his face, blood gushing everywhere.

“You bitch!” He lunged at me again, but this time, I dodged him, then watched as he ended up knocking himself out. Even though I couldn’t forgive what he had done to me, I still checked to make sure he was alive and breathing before I snuck out of the hotel room. I was too worried about him waking up while I was still there to put back on my dress, so I simply picked up my bra, slipped it on real quick, and borrowed one of the hotel robes. I didn’t even bother grabbing my dress or shoes, I was so scared, I just exited as quickly and quietly as I could.

My hand was throbbing with pain; it was like nothing I had ever felt before, going in and out from being numb, to blind searing pain. I’m sure to anyone who saw me, I was a mess. Thankfully it wasn’t my dominant hand, so I was able to dial out with my right hand. I located a pay phone in the hotel lobby, and noticed a clock on the wall behind the front desk. It read 3:18 am. How long have I been out for? I was so nervous and so ashamed about what happened, I didn’t even know who to call. I picked up the phone, held it against my ear for a long while, and then set it back down on its base again.

The sliding glass lobby doors opened and in walked a group of twenty or so handful of peers from my high school, still dressed to the nines, obviously hammered, filling the lobby with laughter. I tried to hide my face, in case anyone recognized me, but there, in the middle of the crowd, I spotted Jace. He had his arm slung around Olivia’s neck and was throwing his head back laughing along with the rest of them. I must have stared for just a bit too long because Jace had spotted me too. He excused himself from the group, and Olivia, as they continued the party all the way to their rooms. “Peyton?”

I turned my back to Jace, afraid of what it might do to him to see me in such a fragile state, by his brother’s hand nonetheless. He reached out to my shoulder and spun me around. “Oh my God, are you okay?” He reached his hand up first to lightly touch my forehead, which was no doubt swollen and red. Then he shifted his attention to my hand suddenly, realizing I had a serious injury. “What happened to you, Peyton? Was it Jax? Did he do something to you?”

I looked back at him with tears in my eyes. I never cried in front of anyone; I had never felt powerless in my life; my chest fallen, I felt defeated. “I’m going to kill him!” I saw fire in Jace’s eyes.

“Jace, can you just please take me home?” I whimpered, with pleading eyes.

“I’m not taking you home; I’m taking you to a hospital.” Jace quickly scooped me up in his arms like I weighed nothing, and carried me out to his car. I laid my head on his chest, relieved to finally be free of his sick brother.

*              *              *

My hand was broken; in my attempt to free myself, I broke Jax’s nose and shattered multiple bones in my hand. It was turning out to be a week for the record books. On the bright side I got a neon purple cast, or at least I told myself that was the bright side. Jax was pulled from school by his father, who thought keeping him out of the limelight was best…which it probably was. Spring break had come and gone, and there was only one week remaining until my dreaded theatre scene with Jace. We had been spending a lot of time together since that night; he was the only person who knew the truth about what happened. He was the only person I felt comfortable enough to talk to about it with, as it was the most traumatizing experience of my life.

Friends and peers alike were gossiping on the nature of my injury and how it had happened. The most my peers knew was I had fallen off my bicycle and broken my hand bracing my fall; that was that. I wasn’t ready to talk with anyone about the real truth; I kept it from even my closest of friends, Madison and Brooklyn. I felt guilty hiding a secret of such caliber, but explaining the story to them would mean admitting to myself that it had happened, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet.

Colton had been reaching out to me more frequently, but with everything that I went through, I didn’t feel comfortable being physically close with anyone; I knew when I was with Colton we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other, so I was avoiding him like the plague. It didn’t mean he went away or let up, if anything, he just got more persistent, which just made me push him further away.

To make matters worse, I was having trouble sleeping. Nightmares began the night of the formal and had not let up since. I spent most of my nights in cold or hot sweats, screaming, or with insomnia. In fact, it had gotten so bad I was having trouble remaining awake during the day, especially in class. I had already been sent to detention three times during the week due to falling asleep in class, but I couldn’t help it. They even sent me to the Principal’s office, who probed me to find out what was going on.

It felt like the longest day in history when I finally arrived home. I knew Jace was supposed to be stopping by to rehearse our scene, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open; before I knew it, I drifted into a deep sleep. In my dream I was running, and running, and running from whom, I’m not quite sure; I never saw their face, but I got to the edge of a cliff, and they had me cornered. I tried to elude them to no avail. I could feel their breath on my neck, it was terrifying; the feeling of goose bumps that came over me, but when I spun around, no one was there. Suddenly, I realized I was no longer dreaming and that the breath I felt was real. I was literally shaking with fear, when I felt someone grab me by my shoulders. “Ahhhhhhhhhh!”

“Peyton, calm down, it’s just me, Jace.” He was rubbing my shoulders, as an attempt to comfort me.

“Jace?” I squinted at him, through tired lashes.

“Guilty as charged.” He raised his hands up in fake surrender. “Were you having a nightmare or something?”

I nodded lightly. “I’ve been having trouble sleeping since, you know, that night and all.” I sat up, looking down, embarrassed of my own confession.

“Peyton, why didn’t you tell me?” He sat down on the edge of my bed.

“I just didn’t want to burden you or anything, he’s your brother…and...” I trailed off as Jace grabbed my hand in his, and I felt a volt of electricity shoot up my arm.

“If anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do,” he confessed, laying his head on my hand, and then kissing it softly.

My heart began beating overtime. I was pretty sure people all over the world could hear the loud beating coming from my chest. Did Jace really admit what I think he just did? He must have, because only a few seconds later I could have sworn I saw him leaning in, eyes closed and everything…only to be interrupted by my darling sister knocking on my door.

“Peyton,” she called, peeking her head in. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” I responded, sighing lightly to myself, getting up from my bed.

“You know what, it’s getting late, and I should be getting home anyway.” Jace stood as well, lifting his backpack onto his shoulder.

“Are you sure? We haven’t been able to rehearse the scene in its entirety.” I was referring to our dreaded kiss, in my own roundabout way. To be honest, I needed the rehearsal, the practice; after everything that had happened, I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to be kissing anyone yet.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Jace smiled at me. “See ya tomorrow?”

“Think you can find your way out?” I joked as I watched him leave.

“I’m sure I’ll manage,” I heard him respond from the hallway before his barreling footsteps followed down the stairs and out our front door.

Kayleigh took his spot on the edge of my bed. “So I haven’t pressured you, because I know how difficult it must be to talk about, but, I really think it’s time we talked about what happened on the night of the Spring Formal.”

I couldn’t even look her in the eyes, my own sister, it was pathetic. “Kayleigh—“ I began before she interjected.

“Listen, I know I haven’t always been the best sister, but I want you to understand that I am always here for you, Peyton. You can trust me with anything. If you ever need someone to talk to, or to just listen, I am here. I promise I won’t judge. You’re my little sister, and God forbid, if anything happened to you, I would never be able to forgive myself.” That was the second time I had heard that today.

After that I couldn’t justify not being open and honest with her, so I told her everything; about being drugged, the hotel room, his nose, my hand, etc. At first she just sat there, listening harder than I think I’ve ever seen her do before, and then, I saw her facial reaction change when I mentioned how scared and powerless I had felt that night. She hugged me for a long time after my story, just holding me and stroking my hair. As strange and different as it felt, it also felt safe.

“I lost my virginity on Prom night. You remember the type of guys I went out with when Bentley and I weren’t together…” she confided in me. “I thought it was going to be this beautiful, romantic night, and instead all I remember is not being ready and being pressured into it. God, I was even on my period. I begged to do it another week when I wouldn’t be on it, but he said no. I remember being in the middle of the act and me just bursting out into tears because of the pain and awkwardness of the entire situation in general. He just pretended not to notice and kept going until he was finished. It was the most degrading experience I have ever had.” She shook her head lightly, frowning. “I’m so sorry Peyton, that Jax did this to you.” She looked at me empathetically. “You are going to have trouble trusting guys for a bit, and intimacy? Forget about it. I am just so thankful he wasn’t successful in his mission that night. I am so glad you didn’t get that choice taken away from you or made for you, even though it was damn close. Because that one night changed my entire life, and I hope you never have to ever experience what I had to.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” I squeezed her hand. “I wish you would have told me sooner so I could have been there for you.”

“I’m working on it.” She smiled back at me, through watery eyes.

“We both have things to work on, and I know I don’t say it much either, but I love you, Kayleigh. You’re my big sister, and I want you to feel comfortable telling me everything.”

“I’m not sure about everything.” She laughed. “But I’m just going to take it day by day. Are you going to tell anyone else? You could really make him pay for this.” She was right, but I just wanted to forget it all. I was so embarrassed by what happened, the thought of opening up to anyone else was absolutely terrifying. And as much as I wanted Jax to get what he deserved, karma was a bitch and I had all the faith in the world he was going to be dealt a heaping pile of it soon enough.

“I don’t know if I’m ready. Please promise you won’t tell Mom and Dad.” My eyes were pleading with her to do this one thing for me. My parents were fast asleep when I had made it home the night of the dance, so I was lucky I didn’t have to explain everything right there on the spot. I don’t know if I would have been able to handle that.

“I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise I won’t strangle him myself if I see him.” She smirked slightly at her confession.

My lips curled up into a smile. “Thank you.”

I was just excited to be able to confide in my sister, she was someone I had really looked up to my entire life; always wishing to be her, always aspiring to even be in her presence. We came to an agreement; we would try to be better siblings. We were going to take it day by day and see where it led.

Eight: Am I Clear to Enter the Premises?

Eyes on Me

Eyes on me

Everywhere I go

I can’t escape

I can’t overthrow

They’re watching me

All the time

I’m going crazy

Losing my mind

The voices never cease

Too loud for me to think

They attack me when I sleep

And try to make me see

It was the weekend before my infamous scene with Jace, and after the way he left things the last time I saw him, I was determined to take my mind off the scene, the kiss, Jace, and everything. After a lot of deliberation, I decided to return Colton’s multiple phone calls. It wasn’t a surprise he picked up on the first ring and agreed to meet me without hesitation; he was extremely eager to see me, speak to me, seeing as I had been avoiding him for close to a month. I was nervous about being alone with him, so I had asked him to hang out casually alongside my band mates and I, our mutual friends, and his band mates. It was a go; just something low key, low pressure. We decided to have a small party at Harper’s mansion, due to her folks being out the country.

I had decided to come clean with my mother about what had happened with Jax the night of the Spring Formal, and after talking with my father they asked if I wanted to press charges. I was still reeling from the effects of the night and I simply wanted to put it behind me. As much as I wanted to see him get what he deserved, I wanted him nowhere near my life.

My parents were not so keen on me going out after I came clean about everything, but I was able to get them to agree to the idea by pitching Kayleigh and Bentley as chaperones, against their knowledge.

Kayleigh was surprisingly not upset in the slightest. I chalked it up to the current hype my parents were making over the Spring Formal. Bentley was in as long as he got free booze; that was not going to be a problem, whatsoever.

I was nervous about seeing Colton for the first time in weeks. He had no idea what had transpired between me and Jax…and I wasn’t sure I was ready to tell him. It was difficult to ignore his ear-to-ear grin as I greeted him at the door.

“This is some place!” he exclaimed, his green eyes dancing with excitement.

I giggled lightly. “Yeah, Harper’s parents are loaded; her mother is a therapist and her step-father is a neurosurgeon.”

“Damn,” was all he could muster up in response; still taken aback.

“Well, do you want to come in?” I asked; shifting slightly so he could enter the massive foyer.

“You haven’t seen me for a month and I don’t even get a hug?” he asked, perplexed.

“Oh…um, yeah, sure,” I replied, awkwardly before giving him the most embarrassing side hug in the universe.

“Whoa, what the hell happened to your hand?” A concerned look spread over Colton’s face as he gently touched my arm where the cast was.

“I broke my hand,” I answered simply.

“Yeah, I kind of gathered that…” he trailed off, obviously awaiting a better explanation.

“It’s a long story,” I replied, opening the door even further to allow him entrance. “You want a drink?” I asked as I led him to the back terrace where the gang was barbecuing and swimming.

“Yeah,” he responded, following me to one of the many kegs scattered around the enormous backyard. I was hoping he would forget about my broken hand so I wouldn’t have to tell him what had really happened.

I filled up a plastic cup for him, with the amber colored liquid. He downed it within seconds and then glanced back at me. “Okay, your turn.” He began filling up a second plastic cup before handing it to me.

“Thanks,” I replied flatly; no intention of drinking anytime soon; my trust issues sky high.

“Peyton, we need to talk,” he began softly, taking a step towards me.

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked, taking a small step away; hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“I meant what I said,” he replied, gently.

“And that was…?” I played dumb.

“You’re my future,” he repeated the familiar statement. He took my hand that wasn’t injured in his and my heart rate spiked; anxiety at an all-time high. “I broke up with Tara.” He tucked some stray hairs behind my ear.

Breathe. I had to keep reminding myself. Just breathe.

He reached for me with his arm and I dodged it, shaking violently. “Is everything okay?” I heard him ask from behind my back.

I was still shaking something fierce, but I knew it was unfair to Colton. He had never harmed me in the physical sense. Uncontrollably shaking as a result of him getting close was incredibly unfair. I finally turned back to him, captivating his attention. “I need to tell you something.”

I came clean about all the reasons I had been avoiding him. The look I had seen spread across his face when I told him I had never been kissed instantly taking over his face again, only to the highest degree this time. I hated people feeling sorry for me. That’s the same look I had come to recognize over the years due to my weight struggles.

I just wanted everything to go back to normal; whatever that even was.

“I’m sorry…” he began, before I rudely cut him off.

“Don’t,” I stated, simply.

“What?”

“I’m just tired of everyone looking at me with that same look in their eyes,” I shot back.

“And what look would that be?” Colton tested me.

“Sympathy,” I spat, unable to contain myself, “like I’m some kind of broken toy that needs fixing.”

“You’re different,” he stated the obvious.

“What did you expect?” I asked, incredulously.

His phone began ringing, the Script playing over the small speakers, filling up the silence. He pulled it out from his back pocket, glancing at the screen quickly.

The look on his face made it all too obvious who had been on the other side; all the color slowly draining from his face. “I thought you broke up with her?” I asked, not being able to hide my disappointment.

“I did,” he replied simply. “She’s having a hard time letting go.” He sat his plastic cup down. “I should actually be going.”

“But you just barely got here.” I looked up at him, his green eyes piercing through me.

“I know,” he began, running his fingers through his shaggy brown hair. “You know we played that gig at the Pixie last night and I haven’t really gotten that much sleep. Plus, I have to be up early tomorrow…our west coast tour begins on Tuesday. We have a lot of last minute details to tie up.”

“I know.” I pouted.

“We’ll hang out when I get back in town, promise.” He stepped towards me, hesitantly. “Am I clear to enter the premises?” He joked, lightly.

I nodded, mentally preparing myself for the closeness. My heart was still racing beyond control, but my body was not shaking anymore; progress had been made.

After Colton and his band mates made their departure as well as most of the others, all that remained was my sister, Bentley, Noah, Harper and me. We were plopped around a bonfire, enjoying the humid night air.

“Sing us a song,” Kayleigh suggested; a welcome surprise. She had never taken interest in my talents. Although she was supportive she never seemed genuinely interested.

“Well, we need to write a new song anyway.” I glanced at Noah through the orange flicker of the flames.

Noah picked up his acoustic guitar from beside him. He began strumming the strings gently, waiting for my cue. “Got any inspiration?”

I looked at my sister and she nodded her head lightly in my direction. Simply having her there made everything that much easier.

I opened my mouth; baring my heart and soul to my friends, family, and band mates. These were people I could trust; they weren’t ones to judge me. They would support me even if I was in the wrong.

The feeling of love I felt that night unlike any I had ever felt before; it was as close to normal as I had felt in weeks.

*              *              *

I had been dreading my scene with Jace and time had not granted my request for a stand still. Whether I was ready or not, our lips were bound to meet one another’s in less than thirty minutes.

I had arrived to class early to help set up, when I caught sight of Jace walking up towards me; his blue eyes piercing through my soul yards away. “You ready for this?” He asked in an attempt to strike up a conversation.

“Jace, I’m not sure I can do this,” I replied, honestly.

He took a few steps toward me. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

I nodded. If I didn’t go on I risked a hit to Jace’s grade in class; totally unfair if you asked me. The unexpected was what terrified me most. Physical intimacy was still very intimidating to me.

The time had come and I couldn’t avoid it any longer. Jace was on stage across from me. He was in the middle of his monologue. My eyes timidly glanced out in the crowd; the lights blinding me from seeing anyone clearly; parents and family of the students filled up the auditorium. I couldn’t make out any faces or even outlines except a strange figure huddled in the corner. I squinted my eyes harder in an attempt to get a better look.

“I’m afraid to be vulnerable to you,” I heard Jace speak the lead-in for our kiss.

There was something familiar about the figure huddled in the dark corner of the theatre. I couldn’t tear my eyes off of him. I knew without a fraction of a doubt it was a male by his stocky shoulders.

I heard Jace repeat the sentence one more time giving me a chance to save our performance. But I was locked in place; transfixed; the tiny light on the wall illuminating the top of his hair. The figure finally raised their head up and their eyes were staring straight at me; cold, dark piercing blue eyes. Eyes I could recognize anywhere; the same pair of eyes that had been haunting me in my dreams the past month. There was no denying it; Jax was there; in the back of the theatre, eyes fixated on me.

I felt a hand brush my cheek and suddenly I was back there; Rihanna’s voice weaving in and out softly. I adjusted my eyes; positive I was going insane. I began rubbing them madly, praying it was all a dream.

“You weren’t supposed to wake up so quick…” Déjà vu.

“Ahhh!” I screamed, terrified out of my mind. He was inching closer and I was shaking in utter fear. Without another thought in mind, I punched my perpetrator square in the face. My biggest fear had reincarnated itself. Having to live through the night once was one thing…but twice? Incredible pain shot up through my fist and arm, wrenching me back. The pain was double from the time before. My face twisted in agony, I cried out from the tender throbbing.

Rihanna’s voice had all but faded out and now all I saw were bright lights shining down upon me. I squinted up at them, wondering where in the hell I was. I could hear nervous chatter around me.

I glanced around at all my surroundings; parents, students, and teacher alike standing and staring at me; shocked expressions across their faces. Suddenly, I remembered where I was…what I was supposed to be doing. You ruined everything, my inner voice scolded me. I turned to Jace, humiliation pouring over my face; an apology plastered across it.

I had punched him in the face; the exact same way I had done to his brother…only this time I was wearing a cast around my wrist. I eyed him, praying that I hadn’t done any permanent damage to his angelic face, but there was no avoiding it, a black eye was inevitable.

He was holding his face in pain; his expression part horror, part sympathy; fucking sympathy.

*              *              *

I was completely mortified by the entire incident that had transpired. Here’s the fucked up part about the story; my Principal tried to expel me…my parents wouldn’t allow it so they marched right in and told her what had happened the night of Spring Formal. She was hesitant to believe it because of Jax’s role on the football team and amongst his peers. Essentially his popularity won her trust. Eventually she decided a lesser punishment would be suitable, so I was suspended. Three days.

After the catastrophe it was understandable my parents sought help for my…problem. That performance was a whole other nightmare of its own. Although I had been hesitant to see a therapist at the beginning of the school year, I was warming up to the idea. If someone could help me make it through the ordeal I had to go through with Jax, I was willing to tell them anything.

It was the middle of May and I had been seeing Harper’s mother on the down low at a discounted rate for the past few weeks. I was happy that I knew her already; we already had somewhat of a trust formed. She had prescribed an over-the-counter anxiety medication to which I was instructed to take one pill every night before bed. I hadn’t noticed huge changes, but my moods seemed more stable.

Jeanette, Harper’s mother had also been able to help me accept the fact that I had developed a mild case of post-traumatic stress disorder; mild in the sense that I was only experiencing some of the symptoms and they were not constant. The night with Jax had done more damage than I could have ever imagined.

Jeanette had been helping me explore a type of talk therapy called, “desensitization” where I was forced to relive the terrifying events of Spring Formal over and over again. Oddly enough, it was working. The more I was able to talk about it, really get it off my chest, the easier it became to move past it.

Every day it was becoming easier to stop viewing myself as a victim. I was a survivor. No more feeling sorry for myself. I intended to take this entire debacle and turn it into a learning experience.

Nine: I Became the IT Girl.

On Tour

Get up on stage-Up to the mic

Raise your voice-Start a fight

Drink a little-Smoke a lot

Drunk enough-But not distraught

Touring the world-Seeing the sights

Take it all in-Especially at night

Ride a few fans-Do a few rides

Time of your life-Make it worthwhile

Strap on belt-Safety first

If you fall off-We’ll catch you next verse

Jiggle the key in the hole

Come in the window-Or stay in the cold

Pull out of the driveway-Back onto the street

To see the next city-Overcome the defeat

Ready to rock-Guitar in hand

See a pretty girl-Taking a stand

Touring the world-Seeing the sights

Take it all in-Especially at night

Ride a few fans-Do a few rides

Time of your life-Make it worthwhile

The beginning of summer was all the talk in my small hometown. With only a few more days of school left, anticipation was at an all-time high; talks of camping trips and beach excursions running wild.

I had reached my goal weight of one hundred fifty pounds, yet was not satisfied in the slightest. My body still felt huge to me because of the small amount of weight I still could lose mixed with my extra skin. I was getting complimented left and right, but when I was alone I became my own worst critic.

My new weight had created quite a buzz at my small school. Everyone wanted to know how I did it; my secrets. I became the IT girl. Something I never could have predicted had I not lost the weight.

Complete strangers suddenly took an interest in me. I became somewhat of a local celebrity; the spotlight intimidating. Suddenly, all eyes were on me…I had finally taken on a starring role in my own life…it felt strange, yet exhilarating.

Due to my growing popularity, it was not a surprise to see my band’s latest show sell out of tickets within twenty four hours. It was the biggest accomplishment we had ever achieved, and it was mostly due to me. It was all so hard to swallow. In less than a year I had gone from zero to hero amongst my peers, by simply being me; something I had been terrified of my entire life---I had touched people’s lives. I had changed their perception without tarnishing my reputation.

It was one of the first shows we didn’t rely on DarienMae’s fans or followers to give us a chance. Everyone was here for us, more so, to support me.

“Are you nervous?” Kayleigh asked me while she assisted with my hair.

I shrugged my shoulders in response. “I’ve been through much worse.”

I caught her nodding in the mirror. “And you’re a survivor.”

To be honest, I was more interested to know if Colton or Jace would be showing their faces. I wouldn’t be thrown off if Colton showed up, he was a musician, and a concert was his scene. Jace was a different story altogether. I had been keeping my distance from him for fear of seeing that look in his eyes again. If I had to be subjected to it one more time I would pull all my hair out.

He had backed off, taking the hint. Seeing him in the audience was something I had not banked on.

Colton had been texting with minimal response back from me. He was always so unpredictable; I had prepared myself for the possibility of a surprise appearance.

I smiled back at her reflection. “Do you think they’ll like the new song?” I was referring to the jam-packed venue.

“Well, duh. Your voice is haunting on it. They aren’t going to know what hit them.” I caught her winking back at me.

“I hope you’re right,” I replied, standing abruptly. “I have to warm up.”

“I’m always right.” Kayleigh joked, hugging me tightly. “Break a leg.”

I glared back at her, annoyed.

“Whoops! I forgot about your odd superstitions! Good luck!” she shouted after me.

*              *              *

“Hello Cincinnati!” I began, waiting for the cheers to halt before continuing on. We had sold out a show at the prestigious Blacklight Theatre; we would be playing on the same stage a handful of our favorite bands had played on; something that was nearly impossible to achieve being so new to the entire scene. “Welcome to our first headlining show! It sold out—and that’s all thanks to you guys.” I pointed out across the crowd, “Thank you for everything you have done. We have some amazing bands on the roster tonight. Please do yourself a favor and take a moment to check out their merch! They have some amazing deals and most are struggling musicians on tour, so let’s help them earn a paycheck!”

We began the set with a new tune, hoping to feel out the crowd. “Alright guys, we’re going to start this show off a little differently,” Noah spoke into the microphone. “We have a new one for you guys tonight.” He shifted his attention to me. “Peyton?”

“This is called ‘Things I’ll Never Say’.” So maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to incorporate my feelings for both guys into one song, but to be fair, I hadn’t anticipated them both showing up to my band’s first headlining show; Colton and Jace, in one room, with me. Seeing the two guys I had been obsessing over for months, nearly side by side, had been quite a shocker. This could get ugly. But I wasn’t going to let it ruin my moment. I was going to perform to the best of my abilities, just like every other time I took the stage. Distractions, be gone!

I began the first verse on the heels of Madison’s violin shredding; both guys’ eyes burned into me as I sang the words they probably assumed were written solely for each of them alone.

I’ve thought of you non-stop, every day since the first encounter

Your face could haunt me anywhere

I’ve been in denial and played it cool

But I’m not a fool

I’m falling hard, I can’t lie

All this time keeps passing by

Tell me you feel the same

And that I’m factored into your end game

I glanced over at Colton; he was clearly hanging on my every word; nodding along slowly in deep thought. I switched my attention to Jace; his expression more difficult to read. He wasn’t even looking at me while I sang. He had a somewhat uncomfortable expression etched across his face, and he was staring off in the distance. I wish I knew what you were thinking.

*              *              *

The night had been a complete success and because of all the support I was shown, I made it a point to stick around and chat with everyone who had made the long drive out from my hometown, Day Heights. It took longer than I would have liked, but I felt like it was the least I could do.

“What did I tell you?” Kayleigh gushed when she came up to hug me after the show; my parents and her boyfriend Bentley in tow.

“Honey, that was something to see.” My mother agreed, throwing her arm around me at the same time my father had.

“Way to go, pumpkin,” My father added, kissing me on the top of my head.

“Need a ride home?” Kayleigh asked.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll get one from Brooklyn,” I replied. It was my go-to answer. I had no idea if Brooklyn was even still around, I hadn’t seen her since the show had ended; but the two handsome, completely opposite guys that were painstakingly still in the vicinity, were hard to ignore. I could tell the entire time I spent mingling they wanted to be polite and let me do my thing; yet also wanting to make their presence known.

Unfortunately I was not going to be able to address them separately as they were both waiting at the bar, side by side. I wondered if they had caught on yet that they were waiting for the same girl. I walked up to them, not sure who I should make eye contact with first, so I looked down.

“Hey,” I heard them greet me simultaneously, before realizing they had been waiting on the same person the entire time. I saw Colton eye Jace down protectively, thoughts probably running wild in his head; Jace giving Colton the once over as well.

“Hey…” I trailed off, not sure how it was going to play out. I looked up at Jace, his blue eyes nothing compared to his twin’s. “Jace, this is Colton.” I pointed. “Colton, this is Jace.”

“Nice to meet you,” I heard Jace say, awkwardly as they shook hands, before he turned his attention back to me. “Well, I just wanted to stick around to say good job. I should get going though, I have work in the morning.” Jace had picked up a part time job for the summer of light construction work.

My face fell before I could stop it; Colton obviously caught the disappointment in my eyes. “Okay,” I replied flatly.

“Later,” Jace gave a short wave as he walked off; the drama I had anticipated all but vanished.

I turned to Colton, unsure of what his reaction to Jace was going to be. “Who was that?” he asked simply.

“A friend from school.” At least it isn’t a lie…

“You wanna get out of here?” He changed the subject.

“Yeah, actually, I do,” I responded, finally feeling well enough to be physically close with anyone.

We got into his car and drove aimlessly in silence for what felt like forever. “Where are we going?” I finally asked after endless stretches of roads passed us by.

“We’re escaping.” His eyes darted to meet mine, and then back to the road again; a sly grin spreading across his face. I welcomed the distraction.

We pulled up to an unfamiliar park in the outskirts of Cincinnati. I followed Colton blindly; anxious to what he had planned. After we parked, he grabbed a blanket from the trunk and we began a mile long trek. It was dark and dimly lit as he chose an area to spread the blanket out on. “You planned this?” I found myself asking.

“I hoped for it,” he answered, smiling back. He sat down on the blanket and patted beside him.

I followed suit, joining him on the flannel blanket.

He was more meticulous in his actions this time around, knowing my disorder and how unstable my reactions could be. He inched closer, eyeing me intently as to not alarm me.

“You were so sexy up there,” he exclaimed lightly.

I had never been called sexy in my entire life; the idea made me want to giggle out loud. “Really?”

He ran his fingers through my long curls. “You have no idea how much I have missed you.” It was the first time I had seen him since the west coast tour had finished. We had kept in touch through texts, but they were more just to check in.

“I missed you too,” I said, running my fingers through his shaggy locks. Thankfully my heart was not racing out of fear this time; it was racing out of anticipation.

He pressed his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. “I wish everything was this simple.”

I wonder what he means by that. I didn’t have much time to ponder the idea though because shortly after, he was leaning in. I closed my eyes, our lips meeting softly. I reached my hand up behind his head, pulling him in deeper.

He pulled away, gasping for breath. “Damn, you definitely missed me.”

I laughed at that before pulling him in closer for another sweet kiss. “So what are we really doing out here?”

“I heard this amazing thing that Mars is supposed to be passing by the moon today and it is going to look just as big.” He raised his eyes up to the sky, clearly searching it.

I shook my head, chuckling lightly.

“What?” He asked, playfully.

“You are so gullible,” I replied, still giggling to myself. “Let me guess, you found your news off Facebook?”

“It’s not real?” he asked, still searching the sky.

“You can look all you want, but you are not going to see two moons tonight,” I stated, shattering his dreams.

He was pouting back at me when my phone went off; alerting me of a text message. “Probably an alert from Facebook.” I joked, playfully, grabbing my white iPhone from out of my clutch.

I turned on my phone surprised to see three text messages from Jace. Wonder how I missed these. I opened the first one, I’m sorry I didn’t stay longer, the first one read. I smiled slightly to myself before glancing over at Colton who was equally immersed in his phone. I clicked my eyes back to the text messages, opening up the second one. You seemed kind of busy. It was sent a half hour after the first one, and after being met with silence on my end. My heart rate felt like it was doubling. I shot Colton one more apologetic look, only this time he was sitting there silently. “I’m sorry.”

“Everything okay?” he asked, sounding more irritated than concerned.

“Yeah...yeah,” I stuttered, shutting off my phone, not even bothering to read the third one.

“You sure?” he asked, still eyeing me suspiciously. It was not a conversation I wanted to have with him in the slightest.

I was not one to invite confrontation, so I did the only thing I could think of; I shut him up with a kiss.

Ten: Does it Turn You on to be the Hero all the Time?

Vulnerable

It’s getting harder to breathe

There’s a loss of air

Tell me what I need to do

To get me outta here

I’m gasping for breath

Everything around me grows dark

This is all your fault

Because I gave away my heart

When I had finally made it home, I scrambled to pull my phone from my purse, dying to read the remaining text. As the screen lit up my heart was in my throat; there was a new text from Jace, adding to my growing stack. Who was that guy anyway? He questioned. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in.

I couldn’t deny the intense feelings I had for Jace; the undeniable chemistry I felt when we were together, but Jace had shot me down at every turn. He was the master of mixed signals. One minute I was positive he was going to kiss me, the next I would think he couldn’t care less about me. I loved the mysteriousness that came along with his demeanor and I found myself falling for him without much attempt. But his mysteriousness was also the thing I hated most about him. I wanted him to stop walking the line and choose a side; friend or lover.

I opened the last and final text from him which had been sent less than an hour ago. You know what? Forget what I asked. It doesn’t matter who he was…as long as you’re happy. He seemed like a decent guy from what I gathered. We should all hang out sometime! I’d love to give my approval.

Jace and his mixed signals were about to be kicked to the curb. I didn’t know how much more I could stand. Why doesn’t he want me? My cheeks began to grow hot with disappointment and embarrassment. Why can’t I be good enough to make you happy? I swatted my tears away, frustrated with the entire situation. Here I was, fifty pounds lighter, and I still doubted my self-worth. It didn’t matter that I had gained materialistic friends or that my popularity had sky rocketed from it, because the one person I wanted to be good enough for; the one person who had treated me normal from day one didn’t want me back…and it crushed me. I didn’t want to spend any more time around him. Being near him and not being able to have him; knowing he didn’t want me would only add to my current depression.

I wiped the last tear away which had snaked its way down my cheek, picking up my phone. I thought for a few moments on what I wanted to say back to him before sending it. No worries. He is the guitarist from DarienMae. I’ll see if he would be interested. I wanted to be polite but not spend any more time hung up on Jace.

I changed into my pajamas and then began washing my face. It had been a long day and I was exhausted. I was just about to climb into bed and call it a night, when I heard the alert of a text message on my phone and I sauntered over to it. It was probably Brooklyn checking to make sure I made it home okay. I couldn’t imagine anyone else would be up; it was past 2:00 a.m. I swiped my finger across the screen and was taken aback when it was yet another text from Jace.

Just getting in?

I tried to read the emotion from the text but Jace had been one of the most difficult people for me to read since the day I met him; irritating and handsome all at the same time. What did it matter if I made it home after the show or hours later? Jace and I were not together…something I was painfully reminded of every time I let myself get too close. I had been crushing on a version of Jace almost my entire life, and then had to find out that the person I had idolized and fantasized about was more of a nightmare. But something beautiful grew from that realization. There was a better version of Jax out there…a better person.

Everything about Jace attracted me; his sandy brown hair that I had been wishing and dreaming of running my fingers through, his haunting cobalt eyes that I felt could see through to my soul, that birth mark I had only recently discovered…because it made him unique…and do I have to talk about his body? Should I even go there? There was no comparison. It made me blush even thinking about him taking his shirt off…I didn’t know if I could even handle such a thing.

That was just his physical appearance. His hero complex was enough to make any girl hot. When he lifted me off the ground and carried me to his car; that was the moment I knew…Jace had stolen my heart. But the more he played with my emotions with his mixed signals, the more I lost faith that I would ever be enough for him. So I pushed my attraction as far to the back of my mind as possible, so that we could at least attempt a friendship. It didn’t mean butterflies didn’t swarm my stomach each and every time I caught sight of him. It didn’t mean my heart rate stopped spiking any time he lightly touched me. It just meant that I tried to hide it better. I found a better game face.

I didn’t know that I even wanted to return his last text, but curiosity killed the cat as they say, and before I realized it, I was already typing back my response.

I set my phone down on my nightstand and climbed into bed, snuggling up under the warm blanket. I should have been tired, my day had been jam packed, but my mind would not stop racing. Damn you, Jace, I thought to myself before closing my eyes, shutting out the rest of the world.

*              *              *

My parents had gone all out for our summer vacation. Together, along with Harper’s parents, they rented out a total of four neighboring beach houses for a fun-filled week. The parents were all rooming together in the end rental while we had full reign on the remaining three. It was our usual group, most of my band mates, a few significant others, and friends, along with Kayleigh and Bentley. I was excited to be able to get away from the drama that was my love life. Being able to clear my mind and re-center myself was my main goal.

“Holy shit, this place is awesome!” Bentley exclaimed, his eyes growing wide as we entered the rental where we would be spending the following week. It was a three story beach house, with two bedrooms as well as a loft area with three more beds. The living room also had a couch with a pullout. There was a wraparound deck you could stand out on and watch the ocean. And the beach was only a short walk away.

“Not too shabby,” I replied, smiling back at him. “I call my own bedroom!” I ran down the stairs to the second floor and threw my suitcase on top of the queen-sized bed, claiming it.

Kayleigh and Bentley were now graduated and of legal age, so my parents allowed them to share a room. That left the remaining twin beds to be claimed by Brooklyn, Madison, and Isaiah. The pull out was reserved for Kayleigh’s best friend, Monica.

“So what is the plan for tonight?” Madison asked as I made my way back up to the main floor.

“Midnight bonfire?” Isaiah offered.

Brooklyn threw her arms around his neck. “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”

I grinned back at them. “Sounds good to me.”

“Honey, we’re home!” I heard the announcement as the basement door slammed shut and countless footsteps made their way upstairs.

“Aren’t these rentals awesome?” Noah asked as he rounded the last stair. He had brought a small army of the rest of our crew.

“I’m starving! Anyone else wanna grab lunch?” Harper whined, her emerald eyes switching between the lot of us.

The consensus was to get lunch and then spend the day on the boardwalk, taking in the quaint stores and scenery. “Let me grab my purse real quick,” I said before hopping down the stairs and into my claimed bedroom. Before throwing it over my shoulder I grabbed my phone and checked for any missed calls or text messages. One missed call. I swiped my finger across the screen to unlock it. Missed call from Colton. He had probably wanted to meet up. I checked my text messages next. There were two unread ones; one from Colton, one from Jace. I opened Colton’s first, curious to what it said.

Hey, are you home? Can I stop by? I need to talk to you. My heart felt like it was lodged in my throat. “We need to talk” was a highly famous break up line. Are Colton and Tara back together? My mind was racing along with my heart.

I’m on vacation. I’ll be back in a week. I wrote in reply, nervous energy spilling off me with every word I typed.

I closed out of his text message and opened up the second one from Jace. What are you up to today? It read. I hadn’t seen Jace since the night of our headlining show. That had been almost two weeks ago. We had been texting here and there, but with no intentions on hanging out. I had actually spent almost the entire past week wrapped up in Colton, spending countless hours together, never getting bored of one another. He must have forgot that I told him I was going to be at the beach.

I had found myself falling deeper and deeper for Colton the more frequently I hung out with him. It was difficult not to be intoxicated by him; the mystery behind his smoldering eyes and vulnerable smile reeling me in further and further the more time we spent together.

“Peyton! If you don’t get your butt up here in T minus two seconds, we are leaving without you!” I heard Harper yell down the stairs at me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“I’m coming!” I yelled back, tossing my phone quickly into my purse without a second thought and racing out of the room.

*              *              *

My phone would not stop going off the entire time we were out to lunch and even walking along the boardwalk. Luckily, because our group was so large, not too many of my friends took notice, allowing me to reply back to the text messages in a timely fashion.

Colton had been trying to convince me to let him come out to the beach so we could talk. I was avoiding the conversation like the plague. He was the first person to ever call me beautiful. He was my first kiss. I knew there was a potential that this “talk” could lead to his absence in my life forever…and I didn’t want to have to face that reality until it was inevitable. If I could avoid it forever, I would.

Jace on the other hand had also expressed interest in hanging out, but I was close to an hour outside of town, and I wasn’t sure he would be willing to make the drive all the way out. I let him know about our midnight bonfire we planned to have at night and let him know that he was more than welcome to drop by if he wanted to.

He asked if it was alright if he brought friends, to which I replied, the more the merrier.

“You know he really likes you right?” Brooklyn asked me as we were changing into warmer clothes in preparation of the bonfire.

“What makes you say that?” I cocked my head to the side.

“He’s driving almost an hour to hang out with you at a midnight bonfire…and that doesn’t give you any sort of clue?” Brooklyn replied, as she slipped her sweatshirt over her head.

“We’re just friends. He’s made that very clear time and time again.” I sighed.

“I haven’t wanted to say anything…because it’s your life…and I want you to be happy, but Colton is not going to be able to give up Tara that easily. They were together for over three years, Peyton.” Brooklyn was a blunt person, but knew when to reel it back when it came to me. “Jace has been there for you over and over again. I think you need to forget about Colton and put your time and energy into Jace.”

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Brooklyn had a point. Colton had been with Tara for more than a couple of years and they had much more history than the two of us did; but on the other side of the spectrum, Jace had been playing me like a violin since day one. It was not intentional, but he had been walking the line for a bit too long. I slipped my hoodie on over my head and glanced back at Brooklyn who was tying her long curls into a loose ponytail. “I just want someone to love me.” It was such a sad realization, but it was the most honest I had been in years.

Brooklyn was at my side in an instant, throwing her arms around me and pulling me into a hug. “We love you. Everyone here loves you.”

Madison came bouncing up the stairs and jumped on us; her thin arms wrapping around the pair of us. “What is going on?” She asked.

“Oh nothing, just girl talk,” Brooklyn replied as we all parted.

“As much as I love Colton, and you know I do, I’m team Jace all the way,” she replied, pushing her glasses up further on her face and then running her hands through her red curls.

I laughed and then looked back between the two. “I see you two have had this conversation already.”

They giggled in response. “We have a running bet on who you will end up with. You want in on it?” Brooklyn joked.

My text message alert went off and I grabbed my phone from the bathroom counter. We’re here, should we just come in? It was Jace.

Yeah, come on up, I replied, curious to whom he would be walking up with. I heard the barreling of footsteps and walked down to the main floor to greet them.

Jace walked up, followed by a familiar looking black haired, emerald eyed, female. One I hadn’t given much thought to since the night of the Spring Formal. Olivia. I looked back at Brooklyn and Madison, looks of shock spread across each of their faces; so much for team Jace.

Olivia was followed by another guy around our age whom I didn’t recognize. “Hey,” Jace greeted me. “You remember Olivia?” He pointed to her.

“Yeah, how’s it going?” I replied, trying to find my voice.

“This place is amazing,” she shot back, glancing around at the rental.

I nodded my head in agreement, and then turned my attention back on Jace. “This is Brandon. We work together.”

I shook Brandon’s hand, taking him in. He was a giant of sorts, looking to be close to six feet tall. He had green eyes and longer blond hair. “Nice to meet you,” I said after releasing his hand.

“Bonfire time?” It was all I could think of to say. The disappointment I was sure was plastered over my face was not something I wanted Jace or his friends to notice. I turned my back to them and began leading the group out towards the beach.

Our group had already begun setting up the bonfire with blankets and lawn chairs scattered in a big circle around it. Marshmallows and hot dogs were already in the process of being prepared. I found myself squeezed in between Madison and Olivia. I snuck glances to my left. Olivia was gorgeous; probably one of the most naturally beautiful girls I had ever laid my eyes upon. It didn’t help that she was completely genuine. It made it difficult for me to hate her. I stood no chance when it came to her. I felt silly for thinking that I could ever be good enough for Jace. His attraction was obviously towards girls in the same league and caliber as him; I was nothing of the sort.

Half the group decided to jump in the water almost immediately, ripping their clothes off, their swimsuits conveniently underneath. I still would not be caught dead in a swimsuit, and seeing as I had not gotten the agenda, I hadn’t dressed properly for the water. Olivia turned to Jace. “You wanna?”

Jace popped his head around towards me. “Peyton, you coming?”

“Naw, go ahead, have fun!” I answered, hoping he didn’t push it any further.

He shrugged his shoulders at his two companions and they were off with the rest of them. I sulked back down into my lawn chair, bummed yet again about my body issues.

I felt my cheeks burning up as I worried about ever being content with myself or feeling good enough for anyone. I could hear Olivia’s high pitched laugh from down the beach, when I felt my phone vibrate notifying me of a message. Tara is pregnant. I wasn’t sure how many times I reread the text over and over again, hoping for a different result. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest, it was making me nauseous. It can’t be. Suddenly, I couldn’t justify being there, not when the waterworks were about to start. I jumped up abruptly, not sure where I was headed…but away from it all.

“Peyton, where are you going?” Madison called behind me, who had previously been engulfed in a book; but I didn’t dare turn around. I hated drama, and to be the creator of it was far from what I wanted. I walked for what seemed like miles, but in the sand, it always feels like you are working harder than you actually are. I had probably made it half a mile down the beach when I found a deserted cave. It was set apart from the water, back on the sand. I sat myself in the mouth of it; the moon dancing off the rocks.

I was shaking then, sobbing uncontrollably. After what felt like an eternity, another text rang through to my phone. Hey, are you ok? Where did you run off to? It was from Jace. Just the thought of Jace back at the bonfire soaking wet, probably sharing a towel with Olivia, sent me into another sob session. More texts began spilling in, checking to see if I was alright—Brooklyn, Madison, Harper, you name it. It felt a little better knowing so many people cared about me, but I had never felt more alone in my life.

I had fallen head over heels for two guys; one who had impregnated his ex-fiancé and the other who had showed up tonight with another girl. I was picking winners all over the place. I wiped the tears angrily away with the sleeve of my hoodie. I glanced at my phone as another text rang through from Colton. Please talk to me. I’m in love with you Peyton. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.

Everything was so fucked up. I didn’t even want to think about how far along she was and if he had been seeing her the same days we had been together. My vacation was ruined. I would never be able to relax or get out of my head with the idea of Tara pregnant and Jace and Olivia running through my mind on repeat.

“Hey,” a voice broke into my thoughts. It was a voice I could recognize anywhere; Jace. “Are you okay?” I heard him ask from behind my back. I was frozen in place, I hated being vulnerable in front of anyone. I felt his hand gently reach out to my shoulder and I just crumpled. I fell to a heap on the jagged rocks below us, sobbing into my hands. “Oh my God Peyton, what is going on?” Jace asked, falling to my side, concern ringing true in his voice.

“I’m okay Jace,” I lied through sniffles. “You should get back to Olivia.”

I was tired of him seeing me this way: broken. I would bet he was tired of it too. I wanted to prove to the world that I was strong but with all the shit that had been going wrong in my life thus far, I was failing miserably.

“What?” Jace asked in reply to my blunt statement, even though I knew he heard me full well.

“Just answer me one thing.” Uh oh, it was starting…my word vomit slowly creeping its way up. “Does it turn you on to be the hero all the time? Jace can do no wrong.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He lifted me off the ground in an instant; his voice gaining an edge to it I was not familiar with. His hair was damp from the water and his shirt clung to his wet chest. He looked so pure in that moment I almost felt sorry for my blunt nature…almost.

“Why is it that you are always conveniently around when I need saving but you want nothing to do with me most other times?” My sadness was slowly fading into anger…It didn’t look good for Jace.

“Look Peyton, I don’t know what you are getting at here, but you know damn well that’s not true.” He glanced back quickly towards the bonfire.

“Run back to Olivia…it’s what you’re good at,” I snapped, unable to stop myself.

“What the hell is wrong with you tonight, Peyton?” he asked, glaring back at me.

I was speaking my mind for once—something I always treaded lightly on when it came to Jace. But, I couldn’t help it. I was tired of pretending that the chemistry I felt between the two of us wasn’t real. It felt more real to me than anything else in my life.

It’s not like I wasn’t aware how close we were now. With each sentence our agitation grew. Our faces were now inches from touching. I was so angry at Colton, Jace, and even myself, I couldn’t see straight. The butterflies that normally attacked my stomach when I was in close vicinity to Jace basically non-existent; instead replaced by blind rage.

“I was just trying to be a good friend,” Jace stated finally, then began to walk away from me, back towards Olivia.

“There’s that word again, friend, you love using that when referring to me, don’t ya?” I asked, causing him to stop abruptly. “What other girl friends do you text as often as me, hang out with as often as me, or even, dare I say it, play hero to?”

Jace turned around slowly, his face falling. I prepared myself mentally for his response. “What do you want from me Peyton? I’m trying here. I’ve been trying. But all you do is push me away. You are the most guarded person I know. Be blunt with me, for once. Tell me what you want from me and I will do it.”

I took a step towards him; it was the first time I felt empowered enough to be honest with him. Here goes nothing. “Are you fucking blind? I want you…I’ve always wanted you.”

It was the second time I saw his face fall and I knew with 100% certainty he didn’t feel the same. It was all I had to hear to gain the strength I needed. “Just go,” I heard myself say.

“Peyton…” He grabbed for my arm and I shook him off violently.

“Go the fuck home Jace.” I walked deeper into the cave, hoping he would take the hint.

“No,” he shot back, barely above a whisper.

“No?” I asked, testing him. I turned around, fire in my eyes. “Get the fuck out of my life, Jace.”

We were closer than ever before; the tension rising with each word. “No,” he repeated.

It was a blur. I’m not sure who made the first move, but our lips were on each other’s before another word could be uttered. With each brush of our lips, the tension grew. Jace threw me against the hard wall of the cave, kissing me hungrily. I was gasping for breath, the moment more intense than I could have ever imagined.

His warm breath in my mouth was driving me all sorts of crazy. Jace is kissing me! I never in a million years expected this outcome.

I moaned when he pulled my long brown hair gently, before lowering his lips to my neck. There was no stopping us. The chemistry unlike anything I had ever felt before. I reached my hands under his damp black tank, rubbing them all over his nicely sculpted abs.

His hands were making their way up and down my exposed skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. My breath was coming out staggered and stilted. It was not an exaggeration that he was making me feel things I had never even imagined before, and it felt good.

He went to reach his hands underneath my shirt, when I stopped him abruptly. “What’s wrong?” He asked, still breathless.

To tell Jace that I was uncomfortable with my new body because of my excess skin during a steamy make-out session was not on my agenda. Plus, I had been waiting for this moment for too long; I wanted to savor as much of it as possible.

The moment was cut short when we heard a female’s voice. “Oh, I’m sorry…” It was Olivia.

Jace scrambled to pull himself away from me as if to save face. “Olivia!” He went running after her, leaving me alone in the darkness of the cave. It was too good to be true, it always is, I thought to myself as I ran my fingers through my hair to tame it and began the trek back to the bonfire.

Eleven: The Devil Inside of Him was a Terrifying Monster.

Falling Backwards

Screams in pain

Fingernails dig into the walls

One step backwards

And I lose it all

Running fast

Towards total blackness

Falling backwards

Into the nothingness

The following morning I awoke to multiple text messages from Jace apologizing for letting it go so far the night before and letting me know he was confused. He explained that he had casually been seeing Olivia since the night of the Formal and that he really did like her and thought that their relationship deserved a fair shot. He explained how all of their friends hung out together and how he worried it would disrupt the flow if he didn’t at least give it a fair try.

I didn’t bother responding. I knew how I felt about Jace. I knew how I felt about us together. It wasn’t going to make any difference telling him, because after the previous night, he knew it too. The rest of the beach trip did not supply the necessary rest and relaxation I had been hoping for. It had the complete opposite effect, especially with my friends constantly talking about Jace and Olivia.

It had been a week since I had returned home from my terrible vacation. And surprisingly because of the drama that had ensued while there, I had dropped another seven pounds. I was now down to a weight of 140. The entire beach trip my friends and family had attempted to get me in the water---but the thought of wearing a bathing suit terrified me. My extra skin was becoming more noticeable and I was terrified of being judged.

Colton had been reaching out here and there, still wanting to speak in person. He had fallen head over heels for me, but his predicament was leaving him understandably torn. I didn’t want to see him; having to be slapped in the face with the reality of Tara’s pregnancy could be the one thing to make me go flying over the edge. I was barely hanging on by a string…I just wanted to move past both guys and forget them altogether. It was not going to be an easy feat seeing as I was being hounded by texts from the two of them.

Jace still wanted to be friends; fucking friends. After being so physically close with him I couldn’t imagine not being able to kiss him again. The thought tore me apart. Being friends with him sounded like the worst kind of torture.

Colton still wanted to see me in person; his persistence obviously due to his growing guilt and confusion. I wanted to find a shut off button for all of it.

It was a slow couple of weeks for the band, but I kept my mind preoccupied working at my new job, retail at a children’s clothing store. I had bonded fairly quickly with another girl around my age, Saturn, and we had planned to meet up at the movie theatre across the street from our job site after I finished my shift for the night. After locking the doors and wishing my supervisor a safe drive home, I began the short walk to the theatre. It was one I had done millions of times in the past with friends.

I felt my phone vibrate through my purse and pulled it out swiftly, swiping my usual password on the screen to unlock it. It was a text message from a number I didn’t recognize. So you’ve switched completely over to contacts? I like it. I glanced at the number over and over again hoping to recognize it somehow. It was a local number, but I had never remembered seeing it before.

Who is this? I wrote back, still walking.

I was at the stop light between the mall I worked at and the movie theatre, waiting at the crosswalk, when my phone went off again. I pulled it out of my purse and opened the newest message from the mysterious number. Guess.

I sighed loudly to myself not wanting to play this game. Because of my popularity growth over the past few months, I had been receiving tons of texts from peers wanting a piece of my fame. It could be anyone for all I knew. I had just worked six hours; I wasn’t in the mood to play the guessing game. I put my phone back in my purse when the walk signal blinked.

It was the strangest feeling, but I couldn’t help turning around and looking back multiple times as I made it across, the feeling of eyes burning into the back of my skull brought goose bumps all over my arms. The theatre was unusually empty as it was a Tuesday night. I bought my ticket for The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones and then waited for Saturn to arrive. After fifteen minutes of glancing around wondering where she was, I finally texted her. Girl, where are you? The movie starts in five minutes!

I looked around and decided maybe Saturn had already taken a seat in the theatre. I walked into the theatre, and besides a couple seated in the first row and a few others scattered around, it was bare. I squinted my eyes, attempting to see if any of them were my coworker. I gave up shortly after and just sat down in one of the middle rows. The movie was just beginning; I pulled my phone out to make sure it was still on vibrate and see if Saturn had texted me back. Sure enough, there was a text from her when I lit up my screen. Oh my God girl! I am so, so, sorry! I totally forgot. Brad’s parents took us out to sushi and I just saw your text message. Can we reschedule? I’m a terrible friend!

Figures; I threw my iPhone back into my purse and focused my attention on the movie. The theatre went dark as the opening credits began to play. I was trying to watch the movie, but the constant vibration from my phone would not let up. I pulled it out irritated, before seeing multiple texts from the same unknown number. You should have told me you were going to the movies, we could have come together. Chills ran through my entire body. I glanced around through the darkness, looking for anyone else on their phone. The few people that were in the theatre, their faces were not illuminated enough for me to recognize them. I switched my focus back to the disturbing texts. The next one read, I never took you for a mall employee. Now I was extra freaked out, but frozen in place from fear.

Quickly I began typing a group text message to all of my close friends and acquaintances. Are you at the theatre messing with me? It didn’t take long for the texts to come pouring in asking what the hell I was talking about and if I needed help. Jace and Colton replied almost instantaneously.

I opened Colton’s first. No, I’m at home. Are you okay? I didn’t bother responding before moving onto Jace’s.

No, I’m not at the movies. What are you seeing?

City of Bones, I replied to Jace’s text. I got stood up.

I had lost all interest in the movie because of the constant influx of text messages coming through, but I had paid over ten dollars to see it and I damn well intended to make the most of my money!

Damn, I’m sorry. Anyone I know? I can beat them up for you. His text made me smile. I was sad Olivia got to experience all of him…and not me.

No, a new coworker…she stood me up for her BF. I can’t compete lol.

Jace had almost helped me forget the mystery number altogether when it buzzed through with a text message again. What’s the matter? You shy?

I shook off the jitters from the text message, quickly deciding I was willing to eat the ten dollars. I just wanted to get as far away from this mystery texter as possible. Before I stood up to head out of the theatre, I copied the unfamiliar phone number and pasted it into my conversation with Jace. Do you know whose number this is?

I stood up and began to exit the way I came in; glancing back at the filled seats, attempting to find the perpetrator. I had just exited the doors when I felt my phone go off again. How do you have that number?

I just started receiving texts from that number today. You know who it is?

I was waiting at the stoplight when another text from the mystery number came through to my phone. Where did you run off to so quick?

Now I was shaking. I almost didn’t wait for the crosswalk to change, I just wanted to get to my car and drive home immediately. I was half way across the street when I grabbed my phone out of my purse and dialed Jace’s number. “Hello?” He answered on the first ring.

“Look, I know I said some things the last time we talked that were unwarranted, but this isn’t funny anymore. If you know who is texting me, I need to know now. This person knows where I work, what I am wearing, what movie I was in, Jace…I’m scared,” I was speaking in such a rushed tone I had to gulp air at the end of my sentence.

“Peyton, where are you?” Jace’s voice had suddenly taken on a more serious tone.

Before I had a chance to respond, I felt the sensation of a warm breath on my neck. My hairs were standing on end. I turned around slowly, still muted by fear. I was looking up at my crush’s doppelganger, his twin. “Jax…” was all I could get out before I dropped the phone and took off in a sprint. I could faintly hear Jace’s voice from the receiver screaming my name as I ran the opposite way. I could hear his heavy footsteps behind me. I was smaller now, but definitely not faster.

I felt him reach for me, his arms grasping at my sides, but I wrestled free, still screaming. “Help! Help me!” But suddenly a sharp pain took over my nose and face when I realized he had elbowed me violently, sending me plummeting to the ground with a loud thud. It knocked the wind out of me. I was coughing and sputtering everywhere trying to find my breath again.

“Peyton, Peyton, Peyton…” He said, shaking his head from side to side. I was squirming on the ground, grasping at the pavement, attempting to crawl away. “You ruined my life—you know that?”

I was swallowing so loudly, it was difficult to hear anything. My mind was racing a mile a minute. Think Peyton, think.

“What? No rebuttal this time?” He egged me on. “So unlike you…”

I was almost able to stand again when I felt a blow to my side. I fell over instantly, crying out loudly in pain. Jax had kicked me with the most unbelievable strength. I would be surprised if he hadn’t managed to break a few of my ribs.

I was gasping for breath, still massaging the area he had kicked when his merciless blue eyes came into my vision. He used his leg to turn me over so I was now lying on my back. He’s going to kill me. The thought made my veins run cold.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this…” He wiped his nose with the back of his hand, a menacing smile taking over his face.

Jax was standing over me; his appearance so deceiving. A face I had grown to love over the years, but the devil inside him a terrifying monster. The last thing I saw was his foot coming down towards my face, and then darkness.

Twelve: She was Studying Me Like I was a Fragile Toy About to Break any Second.

True Life-After Death

Come towards the light, my dear

No pain, no guilt, no fears

Everything you’ve believed

And now you finally see

No need to choose a side

Black-black or white-white

We’re all together

In the after-life

My eyes fluttered open, slowly. Everything was blurry, my ears were ringing, and I was in excruciating pain. I attempted to look around, but was unable to move my neck. I began recounting the last things I could remember. I was at the Children’s Place, my part time job, and then I was supposed to meet up with Saturn at the movies.

“Don’t try to move. You were in a car accident. Do you know your name?” Nurses with clipboards surrounded my bed.

I nodded lightly, opening my mouth to speak, my throat excruciatingly dry. “Peyton.”

“Okay good, your parents are on their way. Just sit tight and relax.” The nurse in the bright pink scrubs lightly touched my shoulder then turned on her heel and exited with the rest of them, leaving me alone, or so I thought. I hadn’t noticed before, but now I clearly saw the outline of a figure sitting in the chair alongside my hospital bed. I tried to adjust my eyes, but gave up quickly, as I had no energy.

“Hey,” the voice whispered, and I heard the chair scrape across the floor as he slid in closer.

“Jace?” I asked weakly.

“Shhh. Save your energy.” He stroked my hair gently.

Of course I was dying to know how Jace even knew I was in a car accident, before my parents, and here, but he was right. I was tired. I nestled my head into his hand and drifted back off to sleep.

*              *              *

“Shhh…she’s waking up.”

My eyes slowly opened, attempting to make out the blurry figures.

“Honey, can you hear me? We’re all here. You’re going to be okay.” It was my mother; her soothing voice always gave me comfort. I could feel her stroking my hair, and I looked up weakly at her.

“You don’t have to talk. We just wanted you to know we are here,” my father’s voice stated from behind her.

I nodded, faintly, attempting to sit up. “Ouch.” I winced after putting pressure on what was supposed to be my healed arm.

“Whoa, slow your roll there tiger, you were just in a car accident,” I heard my sister’s boyfriend remark smartly.

I couldn’t help but smile back at him. He could make me laugh even in the worst times. “Where’s Kayleigh?” I asked, when she was nowhere in sight.

“She went to get some coffee, we’ve been here for a while,” Bentley replied.

After a coughing spell took me over and my mother supplied me with water, I finally felt strong enough to continue talking. “How long have I been out?” I searched my parents’ faces for an answer.

“About twenty four hours,” my mother responded. “The police have been waiting to speak to you.”

“The police?” I asked, anxiety rising in my chest. “Why would they want to talk to me?”

My father took a step closer to my hospital bed. “They just have some questions to go over with you about the accident.”

“I don’t remember the accident.” It was true—I had no recollection of being in a car whatsoever; it was a powerless and terrifying feeling.

My mother grabbed my hand in hers then. “Everything is going to be alright sweetheart. Just answer their questions to the best of your ability.”

I nodded hesitantly back at her. My hospital door opened and in walked Kayleigh. “Oh my God, you’re awake!” She ran to my side instantly. “Why didn’t anyone call me?”

Bentley interjected, “It just happened babe.”

“How are you feeling?” She asked gently.

“My head hurts,” I whined.

“You got a concussion from the accident. You flew through the windshield. Don’t you remember?” Kayleigh asked, a concerned look spreading over her face.

I shook my head lightly. “I don’t remember anything.”

“We should let her get her rest,” my mother interjected suddenly. “The police will want to speak with her soon.”

“Yeah, I should head home anyways. My mother has been calling for status updates the past twelve hours.” Bentley sauntered over to my hospital bed taking my hand in his. “Take it easy kid, alright?”

I nodded without even bothering to speak.

“Yeah, we should be going too,” my father said.

Watching everyone leave me when I still had no clue to the events that led up to the hospital was more than a little daunting. I think Kayleigh sensed it in my facial expression because she didn’t move an inch. “I’m going to stay with Peyton.”

I smiled thankfully back at her. She looked exhausted, her brown eyes had dark circles underneath them and her blond hair needed a wash.

My parents and Bentley exited the room after their farewells, leaving Kayleigh and me alone. She pulled her chair closer to my hospital bed.

“You have to tell me what happened.” I attempted to sit up once again, but the pain shooting through my whole body told me to stay put. I was going to be sore for a while.

“Are you sure you are ready to hear it?” She asked, worriedly.

I wasn’t sure to be honest…but it was something I needed to know. “Yes.”

“Why don’t you tell me the last thing you remember?” Kayleigh bore her brown eyes into me.

“I was just getting off work and heading into the movies. I was supposed to meet Saturn,” I replied, nonchalantly.

“Peyton,” Kayleigh said softly. “You were in a car accident.”

“I know that part already…”

“In Jax’s car…” she trailed off conveniently after the mention of my former crush and perpetrator.

“Jax?” I basically yelped. My heart began racing and I was finding it hard to breathe.

Kayleigh instantly began rubbing my shoulder gently as a soothing mechanism. “The doctors think you’re alive because when the impact hit you were already passed out, therefore, your body was fully relaxed. Your body never tensed up, so when you were thrown from the car, you suffered minor cosmetic injuries, a few broken ribs, and re-broke your arm.”

My mind instantly began obsessing over two separate things my sister had said—I had been passed out in Jax’s car and something about cosmetic injuries. “Do you have a mirror?” I asked.

“Peyton, don’t you want to wait until you’re healed?” The way she said it convinced me there was no waiting.

I swallowed loudly. “Show me a mirror Kayleigh.”

She finally gave in, reaching inside her massive purse and pulling out a compact mirror and handing it to me.

I hesitantly brought the mirror up so I could see my face; my heart sinking at the sight. I had a gash the size of a small fishhook below my chin on the right side of my face. It was gnarly looking.

“It’ll heal,” Kayleigh spoke up, in a comforting voice.

“Yeah,” I replied sarcastically. “Into a huge scar.” Tears began running down my face without much attempt. I thought I had finally figured out this game called life…but it just kept throwing curveballs at me, one by one. And some of those curveballs were massive; I felt like one girl against the world.

Kayleigh handed me a tissue. “I want to know the truth Kayleigh…no sugarcoating it. What happened to me?”

“You really don’t remember a thing?” Kayleigh paused, a sympathetic look spreading over her face. I would usually be irritated at the sight of it, but I knew my sister was only trying to help. She ran her fingers dramatically through her long blond hair before continuing. “Jax followed you to the movies, there was some kind of altercation that resulted in you being passed out when you were in the car together, and then the accident happened, you are a miracle.”

“Where is Jax?” I asked, not missing a beat.

“Peyton, I think that’s enough for today,” she said softly.

“What happened to him?” I asked with more urgency in my voice.

Kayleigh looked back at me, her face fallen. “Jax didn’t make it.”

My throat felt like it was closing. I was gasping for breath, trying to make sense of it all. Jax was dead. Jax was possibly dead because of me. I couldn’t remember any of it and my brain was running wild with endless thoughts. “How did it happen?”

“He was drunk Peyton. He drove into oncoming traffic; they aren’t sure if it was on purpose or not.” She was studying me like I was a fragile toy about to break any second.

I didn’t know how to respond. Then my mind switched to Jace. I knew I had seen him earlier. “Jace?” Was all I could muster up.

“He’s home with his father.”

I nodded lightly. I had no idea how such a thing was going to affect him; and to know I was a part of it? I wasn’t sure I could ever face him again. “Did you see him? Did you talk to him?”

“Briefly, it was more in passing,” she replied.

“Is he okay?”

“As okay as he can be for what he has on his plate. He held it together if that is what you are asking.”

I was in the hospital, Jax was dead, and Jace may never forgive me…and I thought my life couldn’t get any worse. It had been so long since something had actually gone my way I was beginning to think the universe was against me. “He’ll never want anything to do with me now.” My cheeks began growing hot but I didn’t try to push it down this time. If there was ever a time I deserved a cry; it was now.

“Don’t say that,” Kayleigh whispered, taking my hand in hers and rubbing it softly. “He will just need time to process; as everyone will. Give him a little space; he’ll come back if he truly cares about you.”

I hoped Kayleigh was right but the tears were free flowing now and I wasn’t sure I would be able to stop them.

Thirteen: You Could be Everything I Ever Wanted—Everything I Ever Dreamed.

Russian Roulette

Russian roulette

Game of life or death

Nothing is certain

Everything’s a bet

Your money’s your life

Something you’ll never forget

If you win

You’ll play again

It had been a couple of weeks since the accident. I had been released from the hospital after a few days and had been home resting ever since. My parents had insisted I take it easy, and I couldn’t say I disagreed. I had round the clock care from my loving and supportive family and friends.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t heard from Jace and that consumed my every thought. I knew I hadn’t imagined him at my bedside when I first awoke in the hospital. So when there had been deafening silence from him I panicked. What if he blamed me for his brother’s death?

Jax’s passing hadn’t been easy on me. His funeral came and went and Kayleigh said it was a full house. I asked her if she had caught sight of Jace, it was a negative. It was like he had just up and checked out; disappearing into thin air. His Facebook status hadn’t been touched since the week of our passionate encounter. The last update mysteriously read, You could be everything I ever wanted---everything I ever dreamed. I could give you everything you ever imagined---everything you never thought possible. Vulnerability has never been my strong suit but you make me want to take that leap. I can’t tell you how many times I had updated his page and reread his status over and over trying to find underlying hints it was about me. But the more I visited it and tortured myself over it the more I began to believe it was written about Olivia. It didn’t help that the majority of the comments on it were from mutual friends of theirs commenting how adorable or sickly disgusting it was that he was professing his love for her online. Olivia even liked his status after their confrontation the night of the beach trip…meaning she must have also assumed it was meant for her. It was beginning to be a trend; one that was going to be impossible to ignore. I hadn’t dared texting him. I just tortured myself in silence waiting for him to reach back out to me. Let me back in.

Colton had visited me while I was still in the hospital; the sight of me definitely alarming him. I hadn’t wanted anyone to see my face as it was, but he was persistent as always. We talked for a long time, must have been close to three hours when the nurses kicked him out because visiting hours had ended. He told me that if it were a different time or a different place we would be together…but he still loved Tara and with the knowledge of their unborn child, he felt it only right to try to make it work. While it hurt like a bitch to hear, I could only commend him for it. He was a good guy, and yes, they did exist. He kissed me one last time passionately before commenting, “You know, I’m going to wake up one day and realize I made the biggest mistake of my life…and more than likely you are going to have moved on…and will be happy with someone new.”

“I know,” I said, my forehead pressed against his. “I love you Colton.”

That was the end of the chapter for me and Colton; maybe not the ending of the book but definitely the ending of a chapter.  As much as I cared about Colton, and I did…an insane amount, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. I no longer had to sneak around behind Tara’s back or our friends’ backs with Colton. I no longer had to think about him running back to her because he had chosen her over me…game over. I had been through a lot the past year and while Colton had seemed like the perfect fit early on for me, I came to realize that I wanted someone who wanted all of me and was willing to jump in head first.

I had been questioned by the police multiple times about the accident, each time they attempted to help me remember the events that led to Jax’s fiery death. More details were released to me from the police and all over the news. The car had crashed into a tree, the impact catapulting me off into some near grass. Jax was unconscious from the blow, and the car caught fire. The explosion was enormous because Jax had been carrying gasoline around in the trunk of his car. I was close enough to the blast I should have been burned to a crisp…but I had mysteriously been moved from the scene of the collision and someone had called 911. The mysterious stranger who showed up out of nowhere, saved my life, and then vanished is what the police had become fixated on; wondering if they might have had a homicide on their hands rather than a simple crash that resulted in death. I became fixated on the thought, idea, or even hope that the mysterious stranger had been Jace. But the longer I experienced complete and utter silence from him, the longer I began to doubt that theory entirely.

It was the middle of July and I had finally made an effort at being more social. Brooklyn’s family was having a barbecue and she had invited me and Madison. Noah had been texting me earlier about his boredom so I asked if he could tag along. The three of us were piled into Madison’s red Ford Focus.

“You haven’t called me to write in a really long time,” Noah exclaimed from the back seat.

I glanced back at him through the mirror on the visor. “I haven’t really felt like writing that much.” It was a total lie, but for some reason I didn’t care.

“Nice green,” he commented, pointing at the color of my cast.

“Yeah, I felt ready for a change.”

“I am starving,” Madison said when we were less than five minutes from Brooklyn’s place.

“You are a bottomless pit,” I joked, knowing Madison had eaten a hearty breakfast less than three hours prior.

“Hey!” She shifted her blue eyes to me and then back to the road. “You can’t fault me for my high metabolism.”

Noah and I just laughed.

She pulled up to Brooklyn’s driveway, parking the car. “I smell food!” Noah taunted her.

She was out of the car faster than I could blink, bolting off in the direction of the smoke. I was just locking the car up when Noah grabbed my arm, holding me back. I looked up at him, confused.

“How have you been?” He asked, suddenly.

“Fine…”I lied.

“Peyton, you don’t seem fine. I normally see you three to four times a week and I can’t remember the last time I saw you. It was definitely before the accident.” A look of concern took over his face.

“I’m fine Noah.” I looked up into his big brown eyes then.

“You’re different.” There it was again…the same assessment I had been receiving about my new body, face, and personality.

“I look different, my hand is broken, I’m a little fragile…that’s it,” I replied huffily.

He ran his hand through his dark black hair. “You have changed.”

“How so?” I tested him.

“You’re not the same girl I started writing music with earlier this year.” His assessment mildly annoyed me.

“Oh yeah? What is so different about me?” Even though I was frustrated, I wanted to know.

“Everything,” he answered, then lifted his hand to my chin, rubbing his finger gently over my recent forming scar. “Does it hurt?”

Whoa. I didn’t see that one coming. I shied away, shifting my body just enough so he got the hint, nodding my head lightly. “A little.”

“I’m sorry. I know you’ve been through a lot,” he stammered, backing up. “I just worry about you.”

“I know,” I responded feeling equally guilty. “Can we eat now?” I was dying to change the subject…dying to forget his hand on my face. I had been a love struck girl the past year with Colton and then Jace. Throwing another into the mix was not in my best interest, no matter how handsome Noah was—no matter that he was exactly my type. He had been a great support system for me as a friend and I didn’t want to lose that. It meant too much to me, he meant too much to me.

“Yeah, of course,” he recovered quickly, and then led me into the barbecue.

I was the main attraction, something I was growing overly tired of; everyone coddling me and acting like I was about to break any second. My scar had been pointed out more than a couple of times and because of my broken hand, no one was letting me do a thing for myself. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Brooklyn called me after I made it home safely to apologize for babying me. It was hard to remain mad at her; she had been there for me through everything. After making it up to my room and into pajamas I hopped onto my computer, wanting a distraction from everything, well, me. I logged into Facebook and scrolled down my news feed. I was laughing at a hilarious cat video Harper had posted on her page when I saw that Jace had posted recently.

I don’t know how much longer I can do this…was all it read. He had over seventy comments in the short amount of time since he had posted and it had me worried. As much as my stomach twisted into knots about the thought of reaching out to him—I cared too much to let it slide. So I did the one thing that terrified me most and I knew would only spotlight me even more…I commented on his post. It took five times of deleting and rewriting before I was happy with the result.

You can do anything you put your mind to; you taught me that anything is possible. It seemed simple enough and yet this olive branch had me chomping at the bit wondering when he would see it; what he would think about it. Within a mere ten minutes of my comment, it already had thirty likes. The hype over me had not backed down in the slightest. People were calling me a survivor.

A few minutes later my text alert went off. I grabbed my phone from beside me and unlocked it. It was from Jace. It’s like someone took a hammer to my chest and was repeatedly pounding away at me. I had been waiting for countless weeks to hear from Jace. In one small touch of a finger I would get what I wanted. It was nerve-wracking. I took one deep breath in before opening it. 5445 Bluebird Ln., come.

I looked at the clock by my bedside. It was a little after ten. I had been waiting for Jace to reach out to me for too long to pass up the opportunity of seeing him face to face…even if he hated me for what had happened. I quickly changed from my pajamas into a loose fitting t-shirt and yoga pants and throwing my hair up before racing out the door.

Fourteen: How do You Feel About Strip Poker?

Cincinnati Kidd

The Cincinnati Kidd, making his rounds

Six shooter in his hand, he’ll shoot you down

With the bat of the eye, and a draw of the gun

You’ll walk the line into the sun

Walk ten paces, might as well be a mile

Gun in your hand, you’ll go out in style

Fight to the death, twitch of his brow

He discards you like a dog with a scowl

Draw the cards of the deck, not looking too good

Your hands real slim, maybe you should

Slip a card down your wrist, new one at hand

You’ll surely win if not caught by the man

Walk ten paces, might as well be a mile

Gun in your hand, you’ll go out in style

Fight to the death, twitch of his brow

He discards you like a dog with a scowl

Your hand caught his eye, was it worth the risk?

He says ‘let’s step outside and finish this’

The tumbleweed blows by, you stand in fear

You knew your end would come, but not now, not here

I pulled up to the address I had been given, it was a grey colored two story house with blue shingles. It looked quaint enough. I hopped out of my car and knocked on the door lightly, Jace answered wearing a black hoodie and shorts.

“Hey,” I said when he opened the door wide enough.

“Hey,” he replied.

“Whose place is this?” I motioned with my head towards the house.

“My grandmother; she is out of town. I am house-sitting,” Jace answered me, closing the door behind us. He led me into the living room and took a seat on the loveseat; removing his hood. His head was shaved and surprisingly gave him an edgier look. I wasn’t sure where to start so neutral ground only seemed logical. “When did you do that?” I nodded towards his buzzed head.

“A couple of weeks ago, I needed a change.”

I nodded silently, taking a seat on the couch opposite the loveseat.

“Want to see what else I got?” He asked, not waiting for a response from me, already pulling his sweatshirt off.

My heart rate began increasing when I saw his shirt lift up as he pulled the sweatshirt over his head, exposing his tight stomach. My cheeks grew red with color and I turned my face away for a split second to recover.

“Everything alright?” He asked, nonchalantly.

I nodded, swallowing deeply, turning my attention back to him. “You got a tattoo?” I exclaimed, eyeing the Chinese symbol that was displayed on his upper arm.

“It says faith.” He read my mind.

Jace had no idea, but dangerous and sexy was definitely my type. The tattoos only made me lust for him more. “That’s awesome.”

Jace stood suddenly, making his way over to the kitchen. “Hey, you want a beer?”

“Your grandma lets you drink?” I asked.

“My grandma doesn’t know.” He chuckled.

I knew I shouldn’t but I wanted to spend as much time with Jace as possible, so I agreed. He popped the lid off and handed me the Corona. “Thanks,” I replied, taking a sip off of it.

He sat down at the dining room table this time. I was still seated on the couch across the room from him. “You wanna play cards?”

I would say yes to just about anything at this point for more time with Jace, so I rose swiftly and joined him at the table. “What are we playing?”

“Poker, Texas Hold ‘Em, you ever played before?” He shot me a quick glance while shuffling the deck.

“Have I ever…” I smiled playfully. Jace had no idea that Texas Hold ‘Em was a staple in my household…especially on holidays. My extended family would play for real money and I always came out at least $300 richer. They had refused to play with me the past few years claiming I cheated.

He shot a grin back at me. “Oh really? Well let’s make this interesting then…”

“What are we playing for?” I asked, curiously.

“How do you feel about strip poker?” His eyes lit up, his eyebrows rising.

Terrible; had I known of his idea, I would have dressed like an Eskimo with tons of layers. I couldn’t bear the thought of Jace seeing my body the way it was. On the other hand I had never lost a game of Texas Hold ‘Em and I was determined to defend my crown.  “Deal me in,” I found myself saying.

His grin spread across his entire face. “My-my how you’ve changed Peyton.” There it was again…what if people were right? What if I have changed? Was it for better or for worse?

In the short span of less than an hour and a half, I had been crushing Jace. I had already produced a full house, three of a kind, and flush among many other winning combinations. Jace was down two shoes, his socks, and his shirt. The sight of him shirtless was making me hot. I was down my shoes and one sock.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” He asked in a joking manner.

I shrugged, baring a wide grin.

“You need to catch up,” Jace motioned toward my almost fully clothed body, taking a long swig of his beer.

I looked down at my shirt knowing there was no way in hell I was ready for Jace to see that part of me.

His phone began buzzing saving me. I sighed in relief. It was sitting on the table in front of him and before he got a chance to swipe his finger across to unlock it, I saw the name on the caller ID, Olivia.

I grabbed my phone, pretending to check the time. “Wow, I am so tired…I didn’t realize it was so late. My parents are going to want me home,” I lied through my teeth.

Jace looked up at me suddenly, his face falling. “It’s not what you think it is.”

I began fumbling to put my sock and shoes back on, not bothering to muster up a response.

“We’re just friends Peyton,” Jace commented loudly, attempting to command my attention.

Friends…the same word he had used to describe our relationship to one another. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach wondering how many other girls he may have been leading on. After I was fully clothed, I grabbed my purse, ready to get the hell out of there.

“I’ll see you around Jace.” I stood and began making my way to the door.

Jace was barricading it before I even knew what was happening. “What happened to you?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked in a short tone.

“What happened to you growing up that made you this way?” He posed another question.

I shrugged him off. I didn’t talk to anyone about my struggles; those were secrets I kept woven in my lyrics. It was my way of release.

“Seriously, who damaged you? Why are you so insecure?”

I felt like I had been slapped in the face; my cheeks growing hotter. “I want to go home Jace.”

“And I asked you a question.” He took a step closer to me, still blocking the door.

I shook my head, aggravated.

He grabbed at my hips, where my shirt met my yoga pants and I pushed him away. “Don’t!”

“Why can’t I touch your stomach? Why can’t I see you with your shirt off?” he asked in a demanding tone.

“Don’t go there Jace.” I warned him. “You’re really testing the waters tonight.”

“Peyton.” He reached for me again, but I dodged his grasp.

“I’m not playing with you Jace. Don’t fucking touch me…I want to go home.” I was trying to wrestle past him, but making no headway.

Tears began welling up in the corner of my eyes. Not here, not in front of him. I kept my gaze lowered to my feet, not daring to make eye contact.

“Peyton,” he said more lightly now, touching my cheek and I broke. He broke me. Tears began spilling down my cheeks, free flowing like a waterfall. His arms wrapped around me instantly. So much for holding it together…

I didn’t even try to fight him off. I just stood there crying silently, in his arms. When I could finally breathe normally again, wasn’t convulsing, and could string together full sentences, I pulled away from him. “Just remember, you asked for it.” I surprised him by lifting my shirt off, effortlessly, exposing my bra and body. I winced while his eyes moved up and down my body.

“What is it?” he asked, almost clueless.

Irritated I threw my shirt back on. “I’ll see you later.” I pushed past him to the door and this time he didn’t stop me. He let me walk out without another word.

*              *              *

It had been a few days since my strange encounter with Jace. I was still very conflicted about it. There were so many things I loved about him…but the thought that he was still seeing Olivia and that I would never be good enough for him consumed my mind. To help refocus myself, I had asked Noah if we could have our usual writing rehearsal. He agreed almost instantaneously.

I loved the way our forces worked together---my words and his chords. It was like a beautiful dance. It always put me in a good mood. He was strumming lightly as I sang along.

“Different people, different places—young and old, familiar faces,” I sang the scribbled words off my sheet of paper.

Noah was nodding his head enthusiastically. “I like that.”

“Thanks,” I replied, immediately putting my pen back to paper. “It’s time to create a shift in the norm, to fill the roles for which we were born,” I read off to him.

“Yeah.” He nodded, grinning.

“Let’s run through all of it so far,” I instructed. We played through the first verse a couple of times until we felt confident in it.

“Hey, do you want some water?” Noah asked, jumping up.

I nodded. “Yes please.”

He left the room and I couldn’t help but stare after him as he walked away. Noah was definitely not sore on the eyes one bit. He was wearing a tight black band t-shirt; his usual staple, and faded black knee length jean shorts. Without even realizing it I had jotted down some lyrics unconsciously modeled after Noah.

Feeling the intensity, his eyes draw me in. What I’m feeling inside must be a sin.

I panicked when I realized what I had written; not wanting Noah to catch wind of it.

He returned shortly after, bottles of water in tow. He threw one my way and I caught it.

“Write anything while I was gone?”

“Not anything we can use,” I lied; lightly scribbling over my newest string of words.

“What is that?” He pointed to where I was scribbling.

“Oh, nothing…it’s actually pretty bad. I don’t know what I was thinking…”I stammered, my cheeks growing pink.

“Let me see,” Noah reached for my spiral notebook and I flung back with it. This piqued his interest ten-fold. “What did you write Peyton?” He taunted me with a playful grin.

I couldn’t help giggling. “Nothing,” I lied once more, gripping my notebook tighter.

He had me cornered. We were both laughing now, enjoying the light hearted atmosphere. I had missed writing with Noah; we always had a good time. When he first joined the band he was dating a devil of a girl named Marissa. She was terrible. I once watched her punch him in the gut for no apparent reason. He finally grew some balls and broke up with her after a few months of rehearsal with me. We spent our time writing new lyrics and counseling each other on our everyday problems. “Read it to me and I’ll back off, scouts honor,” he said.

If I read it to him now he was bound to know it was about him. What will he think? I wasn’t even sure what I thought of it yet. I had always been insanely attracted to Noah, but he had an insane girlfriend, was dead sexy, and way out of my league. I had never given a second thought to anything other than friendship between us. Plus when he dated previously said devil, he treated me like shit in front of her and special again behind her back. I had never been cool with that. I had encountered enough players in my days…I didn’t need to add another to the roster.

He put his arm on the wall behind me. “I’m waiting…” He pretended to eye his watch.

I rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I said huffily. I pushed my notebook at him and scooted away to the other side of the room.

He read it aloud, making me more anxious. “Feeling the intensity, his eyes draw me in.” He paused briefly glancing at me with raised eyebrows. “What I’m feeling inside must be a sin.” He took a few steps toward me. “This is grade A stuff, why are you scribbling all over it? This is sexy Peyton.”

I grabbed my notebook hesitantly from him, my cheeks still burning.

“Who was your inspiration?” he asked in a casual tone. I wasn’t sure if he was playing dumb or hadn’t caught on.

“No one in particular,” I lied again. “I thought of a name for the new one we were working on,” I changed the subject.

“Oh yeah, what?” I was thankful he took the bait.

“Fast Ride to Nowhere.”

“Cool,” he replied, enthusiastically, picking up his guitar. “So I am thinking this for the chorus.” He began strumming methodically and I got lost in the music.

Fifteen: If it were Me, I Wouldn’t Let You out of My Sight.

Simple Pleasures

Stumbled out of the bar piss ass drunk-not going far

Same damn thing every night, searching for someone to fight

His life’s not bad, his day’s always blue

He’s kidding himself, hiding what’s true

Doing his best, but his best wouldn’t do

He needed a change, he needed a clue

What is he to become when his life is at an end?

Will he be happy, sad, or have a friend?

He is so naïve that he just doesn’t see

The simple pleasures life can bring

Ma buys his smokes, Dad buys his booze

What do you know? He’s got nothing to lose

Never has to worry about a thing

It’s all taken care of, everything

Always been fed with that silver spoon

Now he’s stumbling out of the saloon

Enough of this, time for a change

Time to give his life the rearrange

What is he to become when his life is at an end?

Will he be happy, sad, or have a friend?

He is so naïve that he just doesn’t see

The simple pleasures life can bring

For my entire life, my birthday had always been something I had looked forward to, while also dreading. I always got my hopes up and was let down in the end. While my parents were eternally loving and caring, I had grown tired of spending my birthday with them and going to the movies—our tradition. I wanted to shake up the ordinary…I wanted to do something that would make me feel alive.

I was let down when both Brooklyn and Madison had separate reasons to why they couldn’t celebrate my birthday night with me. When I called Harper she said she was tired and wanted to chill out at home—she invited me over to watch movies and eat ice cream. That was the best offer I could get on my own birthday? It annoyed me to a certain extent. I told her I may stop by, but instead did something that surprised even myself…I texted Jace.

I had felt bad about the way I had run out of his grandmother’s house and how much of a crybaby I had been. To be honest I was a handful and if I were a guy I wouldn’t want to put up with me either. But with his new haircut and tattoo I figured he may have something better to do.

Hey, what’s up? I wrote.

I shuffled around my room, trying to decide what to wear. I settled on grey leggings I could pull up to cover my problem area and a black tank top with silver jewels.

I checked my phone, anxious to see his answer.

Not much, just getting off work…you?

I sat down at my vanity, already typing my response back. Wanna hang out? My heart was beating rapidly inside my chest; hoping that I didn’t blow everything with Jace the other night. To take my mind off of it I began applying a little eyeliner, mascara, and blush—not over the top, but enough to accentuate my features.

Actually, I have plans…maybe later? Wondering who he had mysterious plans with was bound to drive me insane in the worst way.

Yeah, maybe, I wrote back. There was no way I was going to sit at home on my birthday this year. So much had changed; I had changed. “Mom?” I yelled, peeking my head out into the hallway.

“Yes Peyton?” I heard her answer me from inside her room.

“Can we go to the hair salon?” My mother loved pampering of any kind, and with it being my birthday I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist.

“Of course,” I heard her say before what sounded like shuffling around, more than likely preparing to leave.

*              *              *

“You look so different,” my mother exclaimed in awe.

“Good different or bad different?” I asked, biting my lip and touching my soft new hair.

“I love the colors!” My mother ran her fingers through my hair. I had chosen to dye my hair black with a hint of purple on top and fire engine red underneath. I had also opted for Chinese style bangs and choppy layers.

I swiveled the chair around and began to eye my reflection in the mirror. I looked like a completely different person. I looked tough; edgy. It was exactly what I had wanted; needed. “I love it,” I whispered, running my fingers through my hair delicately.

“You need to go out,” my mother said excitedly. “Show off your new ‘do.”

She was right, it was the first time I had felt confident in any part of my looks in…forever. I needed to take advantage of this feeling. When I made it home I pulled out my phone to text Harper, but noticed a text from Jace. It read, I’m free now if you want me to stop by.

Pick me up—let’s go do something, I replied before heading down the stairs. It didn’t take him long to arrive but in that short time I received an abundance of texts from Harper. She was freaking out because she was alone in her mansion, her parents were out of town on business, and she was scared of the strange noises. Even though it was the last way I wanted to spend my birthday, I knew it wouldn’t be right of me unless I stopped by her place to check up on her and make sure she was okay.

Jace’s jaw was at his knees as I climbed in the car. “New hair?”

I nodded. “I needed a change.”

Using the phrase he had coined caused a small smile to form at the corners of his lips. “What made you choose black and red?”

I shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to be edgier. It seems oddly fitting…doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” He nodded in agreement, before reversing the car out of my driveway. “So, where do you want to go?”

“Actually, we need to make a quick pit stop first.” I glanced over at him, taking in the way his light blue Volcom tank enhanced his stunning cobalt eyes.

He caught me staring and I looked away hurriedly. “What is it?” he asked.

“Oh, nothing…it’s just Harper.” I swiftly changed the subject.

“What about Harper?”

“Just being a wuss is all,” I replied, glancing out the passenger window. “You know, we never talked about you being at the hospital…”

Jace didn’t even bother looking my way, nor responding.

“Jace?”

“I’m not ready to talk about it,” Jace responded in a deep, low voice.

I nodded. I hadn’t realized how insensitive I had been. In less than a year’s time, Jace had lost two family members due to car accidents. This last incident with his brother could have brought up unresolved feelings about his mother’s passing. “I’m sorry,” I muttered under my breath.

“What was that?” Jace asked, glancing quickly my way, then back to the road.

“I’m sorry I brought it up,” I replied, feeling guilty.

He shrugged his shoulders in response. We drove in silence for another couple of minutes, before he finally spoke. “I want to talk to you about it…” He paused. “When I’m ready.”

That was how we left it, the entire way to Harper’s. A hummer limo parked at her doorstep caught my attention.

“What’s that all about?” Jace pointed with his head towards the limo.

“I have no clue.” I was dying with anticipation; I had practically flown out of the car as soon as Jace put it in park. I raced up her cement stairs and rang the doorbell to her massive home. I turned around and was surprised to see Jace had kept up with me.

“Someone’s anxious,” Jace whispered from behind my right ear, sending chills down my spine. He had no clue what day it was. He had no clue of my history with this dreadful day…I couldn’t bear to hold my excitement in.

The giant front door swung open and a crescendo of “Surprises” wafted out into the air. The place was packed to the brim. It appeared as though everyone in my small town of Day Heights had packed themselves into Harper’s mansion. I was searching the faces for ones I would recognize, but there were freshmen all the way up to seniors and even some graduates it appeared.

“Whoa! Is that the birthday girl?” Madison came bouncing towards me, extending out a shot.

“It’s your birthday?” Jace mumbled to me through closed lips.

I glanced apologetically back at him. Had I known my amazing friends had planned a surprise party, I would have at least warned Jace about what we were walking into.

“Take it!” Madison ordered me, pushing the shot glass closer to my mouth.

“What is it?” I asked, smelling it slightly.

“Rum.” Brooklyn appeared in front of me suddenly, clinking her shot glass with mine. “To the birthday girl.” She raised her shot glass and I watched numerous others follow suit.

It was spiced rum and not my absolute favorite; I cringed after swallowing it fully.

“I love the hair!” Brooklyn ran her fingers through my newly styled and colored mane.

“Thanks,” I replied, glancing around.

“Girl, you look badass.” Harper broke herself apart from the crowd. “I wish I could pull off something like this.”

My hair was the main attraction for the first twenty minutes while people adjusted to the new me. I caught sight of Noah off in the corner. He lifted his chin to me and raised his glass in the air as a hello, mouthing “nice hair”.

I smiled back in response, motioning for him to join me. He sauntered over to Jace and me. “Hey, thanks for coming.” I embraced him in a hug.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Noah replied.

“Noah, this is Jace.” I introduced the two.

“Haven’t we met before?” Noah asked as he shook Jace’s hand.

Jace shook his head. “I’ve come to see you guys play before. We’ve just never been properly introduced.”

“Damn, I was positive we have hung out before…with Peyton, yeah, didn’t we go bowling or something?” I shot a death glare Noah’s way. He had absentmindedly brought up Jax…I wasn’t sure how it would affect Jace’s mood.

“Must have been my brother you are referring to,” Jace replied simply, before walking away from us and towards the liquor assortment sitting on the table.

I shot another glance at Noah. “His brother, Jax, just passed away…” I whispered, pausing, “can we not bring up such awful memories?”

Noah looked back at me guilt-stricken. “You should have told me! I feel terrible…” He trailed off.

“There wasn’t any time, but for my sake, let’s keep this light hearted.” I smiled back at him. He was looking far from terrible, changing out his black band shirts for a white button down and jeans. He looked handsome. “You look good,” I said, without being able to stop myself.

He smiled, looking down. “You stole the show tonight.” He looked into my eyes then and it made my heart stop in my chest. He motioned his head back to Jace who was still consumed with pouring himself a drink. He had been swarmed by a group of girls I didn’t recognize, and I was straining to read their lips.

“So, are you two…like official?” Noah asked, his brown eyes darting between Jace and me.

I switched my eyes back to Noah’s. “I don’t even know what we are. I’ve been wondering that since day one.”

Noah appeared surprised by my honesty. It wasn’t entirely new. I shared a lot with Noah…but one thing we never spoke about was my love life. “You don’t have to settle Peyton, you deserve better than that.”

I shifted my eyes back to Jace and the growing crowd of girls that were swarming him. “I should check on him.” I made my way through the large crowd. People were stopping me every few feet to say happy birthday and compliment my new look. It took more than ten minutes to walk twenty feet; Harper’s place had never felt so packed. “Hey,” I said lightly when I made it to the outskirts of the group.

All the girls’ eyes suddenly were on me and they were trailing them up and down, obviously assessing me. I sighed loudly, pushing past them to Jace. “Drink?” he asked as he poured me another shot.

“Yes,” I replied, instantly swallowing it with a cough. “Whew! That was strong, what was that?” I asked, wincing from the bitter taste.

“Whiskey,” Jace said, before taking another full shot to himself. It was the third one I had seen him take in less than ten minutes.

“Maybe you should slow down,” I stated, grabbing the bottle of whiskey from Jace and setting it back down on the table.

“Maybe you should stop acting like my mother—oh wait, I don’t have to worry about that because I don’t have one,” Jace snapped back at me, grabbing the whiskey bottle and pouring himself another heaping shot.

“Let’s just get out of here,” I pleaded with him under my breath. I was determined to end my birthday on a somewhat decent note.

“No, you insisted we stop by. Let’s enjoy ourselves while we’re here.” He clinked his glass with one of the girls still within his vicinity before tipping his head back and taking it down.

“I had no idea they had this planned Jace, I’m sorry.” I continued trying.

“Who wants another shot?” Jace shouted out to his crowd of onlookers, taking the whiskey, forgoing their glasses, and pouring it directly into each of their mouths, making a mess.

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to waste another breath. It was hard to be angry with him, knowing everything I had ever put him through and how many times he forgave me. Especially knowing the tough time he was going through. I glanced back at him once more before walking out the back door and out to the patio.

I needed the fresh air, I needed a second to regroup; remember what was important. It was a nice July night; humid and windy all at the same time. The moon was round and full; a beauty to look at. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath in, enjoying the silence.

“What’s up birthday girl?” I recognized Noah’s voice without even opening my eyes.

“Just taking a breather.” I opened my eyes finally, glancing his way.

“What happened to your friend?” He asked of Jace.

“He’s with his posse.” I motioned my head towards inside.

“I don’t know,” Noah began, taking a step closer to me, “if it were me, I wouldn’t let you out of my sight.”

I couldn’t help but blush. Noah was flirting with me. There was no denying it. My stomach began to do sickening flips. “Noah…” I began, but was silenced by his finger on my lips. I froze in place, my heart loud enough for the world to hear.

“Don’t act like you can’t feel it too…” Noah reached for me then, pulling me into him.

Before I knew what was going on I was ripped away from Noah from behind. Jace had made an unexpected appearance and was drunker than a skunk. “If you touch her again, I’ll kill you…” I heard him threaten Noah.

Noah put his hands in the air as a show of his surrender. “Whoa man, back off, we were just talking.”

“That sure didn’t look like talking to me,” Jace spat, inches from Noah’s face.

“Jace, calm the fuck down, you’re drunk!” I shouted angrily. “I’m going to take you home.”

“It should have been him,” Jace mumbled under his breath.

“What?” I shouted, attempting to hear him over the crowd that had now formed around us.

“I should have chosen him to save instead of you.” I didn’t have to strain to hear him that time. My speculations had been correct—Jace had pulled me out of the burning car, saving my life. “You don’t mean that…” I said, fighting back tears.

“Try me,” Jace said. “Do you have any idea how much my life has been turned upside down just by your presence?” I could smell the whiskey on his breath. I wanted to believe he was only saying these things because he was drunk…but I had also heard the truth was more likely to come out when you’re drunk. I just wanted to be done. The day I had originally had so many hopes for had turned out all the same; miserable and terrible. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my home surrounded by people who loved me and were thankful I was alive.

“I’ll find my own ride home,” I yelled over my shoulder as I pushed past the onlookers and into the mansion.

Sixteen: Shut Up and Kiss Me.

Traveling

I traveled the distant skies

Searching for my demise

Knowing my end will come

Waiting under its thumb

If you feel -You’re walking around

Aimlessly-Do like me

Take a ride-You will see

The future of-Your destiny

It’s coming, just as I

We will soon meet

Under the darkest skies

When we meet

We shall fly

On a quest for you and I

If you feel -You’re walking around

Aimlessly-Do like me

Take a ride-You will see

The future of-Your destiny

I hadn’t even had a chance to make it to the driveway when I heard Jace’s voice behind me. “Peyton!” I didn’t bother turning around; Jace was the one person I would have preferred to never hear from again. “Peyton!” I heard him again, this time closer. I felt a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around.

“What is it now Jace? Do you want to reiterate the fact that you wish I were dead?” He looked like he had been punched in the gut with my words.

“What? No,” he said softly, reaching out for me. I pulled away from him, still walking.

“You know Jace,” I started, finding the voice I had been searching for all night. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

He looked into my eyes, almost pleading with me then to hear him out. “I’m sorry…for everything. I mean it.”

I nodded. “I appreciate that…but it doesn’t change the way I feel…”

He interjected then, “Peyton, my mom meant the world to me. When I lost her, I was broken. I had lost my zest for life. I couldn’t see the point anymore.”

I stopped walking; realizing this was the first time Jace had ever spoken with me about his mother.

“When I moved here everyone was so bubbly and excited and I wanted nothing to do with it…and then I saw you in the hall the first day. Your eyes were full of sadness—just like mine. You were the first person I had ever seen who I felt like understood heartbreak fully.”

“You…” I began, before Jace interrupted me.

“I knew I wanted to get to know you. I knew I wanted to make it my mission to make you feel love; to bring happiness into your eyes again.” He brought his hand up to my face then, stroking it gently. “I was afraid of my feelings for you, Peyton. I had never met anyone else like you. My feelings surprised me; overwhelmed me.”

“Why is that?” I asked. “Because I was fat?”

“What? No.” He shook his head, reaching out for me. “All the girls I had dated in the past were in my friends circle. It was always set up by mutual friends, and we never really had much in common. You intrigued me…but you also surprised me. You challenged me. You pushed me when I needed just that. You have a way of holding in all of your feelings as if the rest of the world can’t tell what you’re thinking, and then other times you silence the world with your bluntness.”

I stared back at him bewildered. “You’re losing me here Jace.”

“I was afraid I was going to lose you. Olivia seemed like the easy route; the safe choice. You taught me that everything worth having or doing in life takes time and effort. I’m sorry for every time I have made you cry. I am sorry for every time I have made your heart break.”

I was speechless; it was something I had been hoping for since I had fallen for him; he was finally being vulnerable with me. I opened my mouth to speak but was yet again interrupted.

“The night of the accident I turned on the GPS to Jax’s phone and was led to the scene of the accident. When I got there, Jax was passed out against the wheel—you had been thrown from the car, it all looked so nasty. The car had already begun smoking and there wasn’t enough time. I had to choose one of you.”

“And you chose me…” I put it together.

“I’ve been living with guilt from the decision ever since.” Jace looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

“I’m not…I couldn’t lose you. I love you Peyton. I love you so much I chose to save you over my own flesh and blood. You changed me. You gave me a reason for living again. I can’t lose you now; not after the hell I’ve been through.” He pulled me in closer.

“I don’t know what to say…” I began. Jace loved me…flaws and everything. It was everything I could have wished, everything I could have ever dreamed of. How did I get so lucky?

“Don’t make me wait any longer. Say it,” he urged me, his blue eyes twinkling.

“I love you too.” I gave him exactly what he wanted and allowed him to close his lips on mine, the whiskey strong on his tongue. “We’re going to need to get you some gum.” I laughed, pulling away.

“Can you take me home?” He winked down at me, dangling his car keys.

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” I answered, before pressing my lips to his eagerly one more time.

*              *              *

I squeezed my eyes tightly, not wanting to wake up from the amazing dream I was having.

Jace had finally told me how he felt. Jace loved me…little old me…I was still in shock.

I rubbed my eyes long and hard before opening them and surveying my bedroom. It wasn’t a dream…it was reality.

I wonder when living in my reality became more exciting than my dreams.

I stretched my arms above my head and then grabbed my cell from the nightstand. I swiped my finger across it only to find a couple of texts from Jace.

I’m sorry about last night—what I said…I’m a jerk. The first one read.

I smiled lightly to myself opening the second one. I miss you already.

He gave me butterflies with that. I couldn’t believe he was expressing his feelings so eloquently and more often. I blushed a little as I typed my response. Thanks for ruining my birthday jerk. And then because I didn’t want him to think I was actually angry with him I added a winking emoticon to the end of the text.

I began setting up my shower when I heard the next text come through. Let me make it up to you.

My heart began racing. Being close to Jace always drove me crazy, but with the added knowledge that he felt the same way—it was driving me insane. There was never a doubt in my mind that I wanted Jace…that I was head over heels for him.

I shot him a quick response before hopping in the shower. You have a lot of making up to do mister. I wasn’t going to make this easy on him.

He had responded within seconds before I put my phone down. Good thing I like challenges.

*              *              *

His buzzed haircut and muscular back was what came into view first. “What are we doing here?” I asked as his haunting blue eyes caught mine and he broke into a wide grin.

I had agreed to meet him at a local park we were both familiar with, but it was nearly ten o’clock at night and the stars took over the night sky.

“Hello to you too.” He chuckled, pulling me in, close to him.

I could feel the hammering of my heart as his warm breath came near, as his arms embraced me.

He smelled of Aqua Di Gio by Giorgio Armani. It was heavenly. The only reason I even recognized the scent was because it reminded me of Liam. He had worn the same scent practically every day during the school year.

“Peyton,” he said breathlessly, pulling me out of my trance. Looking up, I shifted my gaze to meet his.

I cocked my head to the side playfully when he didn’t say anything. He bit his lip seductively which only made the tingles all over my body more intense.

“I wanna do this right…” he trailed off, slightly backing away. “You know, this whole boyfriend thing.” He ran his hand over his fuzzy head back and forth, back and forth, nervously.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Jace had just referred to himself as my boyfriend. As surprised and excited as I was, I still wanted to be able to extract a little playful revenge. “Boyfriend?”

“Well…yeah…I mean, I just expected…” he began rambling, which only made him more irresistible.

“Shut up and kiss me,” I ordered, immediately throwing my hands around the back of his neck and running my fingers through his short, fuzzy hair.

His eyes lit up and before I knew it, I felt his soft lips on mine. He had a little bit of stubble growing in like a goatee, which I simply kept running my fingers over. He pressed his lips to mine harder, in a more eager kiss, and then I felt his tongue searching for mine. I swirled my own around his before pulling it back into my mouth and lightly sucking on his bottom lower lip.

“Damn.” Jace broke the kiss, gasping for breath. “I think I may have underestimated your kissing skills. Just how many people have you kissed?”

I could suddenly hear jealousy coming through his voice and I liked it.

“Just three Jace…it’s no big deal.”

He shrugged, backing away, his body shifting in a different direction from me.

“Did I say something wrong?” I asked, as I ran my fingers through my wild hair.

He shook his head sadly. “I had just always wanted to be your first kiss.”

It broke my heart a little hearing his feelings that he had kept locked away for so long. How many months had I pined over Jace just to be let down or hurt? How many nights had I cried myself to sleep because he couldn’t just be honest with me about his feelings…I was still having trouble believing that this was real. That he was actually standing in front of me…and I didn’t have to chase him anymore. He wanted to be with me…he loved me.

“Was it everything you dreamed of and more?”

I shook my head no. Even though it had been incredible and one of the best moments of my life…it had not been with Jace. “It wasn’t with you.”

He kissed me quickly as a thank you for the sweet answer.

“You know…” I began, my wheels turning. “There are a lot of firsts I haven’t experienced. Why don’t you help me live life a little better?” I nudged Jace in the chest with my shoulder.

“Oh yeah? And what are those?”

I didn’t bother responding, just grabbed his hand and gently slipped my fingers between his.

“You’ve never held hands with anyone before?” He looked at me in disbelief.

“Not with anyone who mattered…not with anyone I was madly in love with.” I ran my finger lightly across his thumb, back and forth, back and forth, in a calming motion.

“Say it again,” he urged, pressing closer to me.

“I love you,” I whispered, looking him in the eyes for a long time.

“I have a surprise for you.”

“You do?” I gasped, stunned by all of his amazing gestures.

He nodded, grinning wide. “Do you see that star up there?” He pointed up at the sky.

I shifted my gaze to the gorgeous sky above us. “Which one…you have to be a little more specific here.”

“You don’t see that one that looks like it’s got a hint of purple to it?” He asked, coming up behind me, grabbing me by the hips and pointing again.

Two incredible things happened in that moment, Jace’s finger slightly rubbed up against my hip where my extra skin was and I didn’t flinch away, and I could now clearly see the star he had been referring to. It was something so magical looking I wondered if it was even real. It had a violet hue radiating off of it. “I’ve never seen something so beautiful before…”

“I named it after you.” Jace quickly glanced at me.

“Um, what?” I choked out.

“I bought it and named it after you.” He was smiling gently now.

My eyes flickered between his gorgeous smile and the incredible gesture he had just made.

“What? You’re worth it?”

“I love you Jace Austin,” I whispered lightly before sliding into him and pressing my lips against his.

“I love you Peyton Lane…and I am going to make sure you never have to question that ever again.” He swept my curls out of my eyes before lowering his lips to mine again. My heart was bursting with love. Yes we had had quite the journey—but Jace was worth every bit of blood, sweat, and tears. He was my ultimate prize.

Seventeen: He Probably Thinks I’m Some Kind of Psycho Stalker.

Deuces Wild

No one knows the cards in your hand

Just keep playing, you’ll understand

Life isn’t easy, it isn’t free

Things have a price, even you and me

We had been ‘dating’ officially for two weeks. And it was the most magical and incredible two weeks I had ever experienced. Every morning I had awoken to a text that greeted me with a “good morning beautiful.” Three days the previous week I had received flowers—you could say he was going a little bit overboard, but I was eating up every bit of it.

No one had ever deemed me special enough for the royal treatment Jace had been showing me lately—he was definitely earning brownie points all over the place.

Something felt different today however. Something felt off. It could be the fact that there was no sweet text to wake up to or the fact that there had been radio silence on the end of my boyfriend for two whole days. I had fallen into a routine and it was so unlike him.

My mind began racing with thoughts of him off with Olivia…or worse—doing something reckless, I couldn’t concentrate.

What if he is already tired of me? What if I have already scared him off?

I hated that part of me. The part that doubted that I was good enough for Jace…deep down I knew I was, it was just a little overwhelming and surprising at times that someone so incredibly handsome and charming could ever want anything to do with insecure little old me.

I was getting better—but scars didn’t heal overnight. I was living proof of that.

My handful of unanswered texts and phone calls were beginning to make me seem like a stalker or paranoid. Either way I was fucked.

“I haven’t seen Jace around lately,” Kayleigh said to me at breakfast that morning. “Where did he disappear to?”

I shrugged lightly, my cheeks instantly feeling flushed.

“Are you guys okay?” Kayleigh’s brow furrowed in concern, and she stopped buttering her toast.

“Yeah,” I stuttered. “I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I asked…” Kayleigh eyed me down again. “You sure you and Jace are okay?”

“What if he wants to break up with me?” I found myself losing my breath just by the thought of it; tears already falling down.

“Why would he ever want to do that?” She asked, incredulously.

“Because, he’s ignoring me…” I trailed off, looking down. “Maybe he realized I’m not good enough…”

“What?” Kayleigh’s brown eyes turned black. “Don’t you ever say that again. Do you hear me?”

I looked back at her, shocked by her outburst. I nodded slowly.

“You are wonderful. You are incredible. You are amazing—and don’t you ever forget it.” She ran her fingers softly over my hair. “You’re a Lane; you’re a fighter.”

She took me by surprise. My sister became more beautiful to me in that moment than I could have ever imagined. I always knew Kayleigh’s heart was pure—I was just waiting to see it. Really get to experience it firsthand—and I did. She exceeded all my expectations.

“Now tell me what’s really going on.” She lowered her hand down onto my shoulder.

“Jace went MIA and I’m freaking out. He probably thinks I’m some psycho stalker from the unhealthy amount of texts I’ve sent him…”

She rolled her eyes at me. “That’s it? That’s all you were worked up for?”

My mouth dropped open in an animated fashion. “Rude…you know I love to overanalyze.”

“When’s the last time you heard from him?” It appeared as though Kayleigh was not as concerned as me.

“Two days…be honest—am I going overboard?” I truthfully didn’t know…Jace was my first boyfriend ever—I was allowed a couple of mistakes…right?

Kayleigh was staring back at me like I had two heads. “Give me your phone,” she ordered, her hand extended out.

“What? Why?’ I asked, confused.

“Because, I am not going to let you ruin everything with Jace over a couple of days of silence. I’m going to save your relationship.”

I looked back at her incredulously, but she just kept motioning with her head to her hand.

I sighed loudly as I placed my phone gently into her hand. “This is totally unfair you know.”

I was only frustrated because I couldn’t check my phone for updates every five minutes. It was going to give me a lot more time to lounge around and think…torture myself with the thoughts. It all sounded quite painful.

Just as her fingers had clasped around it and mine had let their death grip go, I heard the familiar vibration of my text alert go off.

“Give it to me!” I shrieked loudly, chasing my sister around the dinner table. It has to be Jace…it has to be Jace…at least that’s what I kept telling myself.

She squinted down at the screen of my phone. “It’s from Noah—now stop freaking out.”

Noah? I hadn’t seen him since the night of the party—the night he made it blatantly obvious he was into me. I had been avoiding scheduling any rehearsals as well because I wasn’t sure I could completely trust myself alone in a room with him. I had to wonder about his timing though. We had been playing together for months; if he really liked me—why didn’t he pursue me when he had the chance? When I was single and available?

Why did he date the she-devil and play games with my emotions?

The first time we stayed after rehearsal to write…Kayleigh read my text out loud, ignoring the fact that she was invading my privacy…”Does that mean anything to you?”

Actually it did. Noah and I had ended up getting lost in conversation, losing track of time. Surprisingly, not one minute of that time was spent writing. In fact, it was one of the only times I had ever spoken to anyone about my childhood and what I had been through as an overweight adolescent; the hell I was subjected to on a daily basis. I hadn’t known why I had been so open and honest with him—but there was something about his kind eyes that told me I could trust him.

I swiped the phone out of my sister’s hands, quickly typing my response, what about that night?

He wasted no time at all replying, that’s when I knew…

Knew what…? My mind was racing, my heart going a mile a minute.

That I was in trouble.

I knew what he was getting at now and I wasn’t sure I wanted to allow him to go on…

“Okay, what is going on?” Kayleigh asked in an exasperated tone.

It was simple, really. “I’m fucked.”

*              *              *

It had been hours since I had received those dangerous text messages from Noah…and still no word from Jace. You could say it was messing with my head. Even though I wanted to heed Kayleigh’s advice, something in the pit of my stomach told me to follow my heart. If I waited to hear from Jace any longer, I was bound to do something ridiculously stupid, like reply to Noah’s texts…and with how far Jace and I had come I wasn’t sure I was willing to risk all of our progress for a ‘what if’.

I had never been invited over to Jace’s house. It never crossed my mind that there might be a reason for that. I just assumed he liked my place since he showed up nearly every day. The phonebook had provided the necessary answer I was looking for and I made my way to the address, my heart pounding out of my chest. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react…with me just showing up…but I needed to see him. I needed to know that he still cared for me, loved me.

I had walked the distance between our two houses, and the walk felt nice and brisk. It took merely ten minutes, but felt more like five. I could do this a lot more. That was, if he actually was responsive to me and wanted me to come over.

Walking up his porch steps, I hurriedly swept my hair out of my eyes, and tugged on my shirt, trying to make myself presentable before I knocked. I wasn’t prepared for what came next.

“Get the door!” I heard a loud voice bellow immediately after my fist had pounded it to showcase my arrival.

I heard about five locks clicking as the door was opened slowly. The sight I came to see was the furthest thing than what I could have ever imagined.

“Jace?” I barely got out as I saw his tall figure through the old screen door.

“Peyton?” He asked in a hushed, worried tone, before opening up the door, and coming out onto the porch with me. “What are you doing here?” He hissed, glancing back over to where I had heard the other voice bellow from.

I was about to form my response when I saw them. There wasn’t one, not even two…but multiple bruises. On his face, his arms, legs; bruises. He looked like he had been in a fight…and he didn’t win. My stomach sank immediately along with my heart. “Oh my God, are you okay? Who did this to you?” I asked, as I reached out gently to touch his cheek where the purple bruise lay.

“I’m fine.” He shied away from my touch. Why is he acting so cold?

“Who’s out there fuck face?” I heard the voice from earlier shout.

“Peyton.” His voice was even more hushed than before. “You have to go.”

My eyes shot up to Jace’s. I was trying to get him to look at me. I was trying to get him to open up to me. Why are you pushing me away? I wanted to scream in his face. Let me be there for you.

But it was too late…I should have left when he asked…but my feet were planted firmly and even if I had tried, it felt like I was glued to that spot. I wanted to know what had happened. I wanted to be his savior as he had been mine so many times before.

“Who the fuck is at the door?” The tension emanating off the raspy voice this time was more than apparent.

Jace’s eyes were pleading with me to go. He wasn’t even saying a word anymore…just attempting to speak to me with one look.

But it was too late…his father, or who I had assumed was his father came stumbling out to the doorway.

It was the first time I saw real fear in Jace’s eyes and the first time everything clicked for me. He did this to you…

“Well, well, well,” the older, stockier version of Jace began. “What do we have here?”

Jace quickly shifted his eyes to his old man. He was obviously hammered…and it was only three in the afternoon. I wondered if this is what Jace had been putting up with since his mother passed and his father took him in.

“Nothing, Frank.” You could cut the tension with a knife. Jace was speaking to him through gritted teeth. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to become a fly on the wall. “Peyton, go home.”

My feet weren’t locked into place anymore and Jace didn’t need to warn me twice. I shuffled around and hurried off the front porch. I glanced back only once as I made my way across the street, but it wasn’t even needed…I could have heard that punch from miles away. The sound of knuckles to flesh made my stomach do sickening twists.

I threw my hand over my mouth as I watched Jace fall to his knees, clutching his stomach on the front porch. And then I broke into a run. Fabulous. I was supposed to be his savior and I was running like a little bitch in the opposite direction. I had caused this pain to Jace…how long had he been putting up with his alcoholic, abusive father? How long had I been engrossed in dramas of my own creation too blind to see the bruises he wore?

I felt terrible. It was one thing if he was ignoring me because he was an asshole…it was a whole other ballgame if he was ignoring me because he was getting the shit beat out of him, and he didn’t want me to see him like that. It was the first time I ever saw him…the way he had seen me the first day in the hall—broken, and I didn’t like it. Jace had always been a fighter. He had always fought for me. I had no clue what I could do…but Jace was worth every bit of it. Even if he couldn’t fight back, I was determined to be there for him; even if it meant throwing myself into harm’s way.

Jace needed me. And I intended to be his saving grace.

Eighteen: Would it Kill You to be Vulnerable for Once?

Melt Away

I never knew I could feel like this

My heart is racin’

Never knew I’d feel it in your kiss

Oh, my life is changing

You walked into my life

Oh so confident

The lights shone so bright

You were heaven sent

One smile from your mouth

I melt away

One kiss from your lips

I’m here to stay

I wasn’t gone more than five minutes when a text rang through to my phone. Are you okay? It was Jace.

I was still frazzled from the sight I had just run from; my mind was going a mile a minute—trying to decide how I should handle everything. Should I call the police? Should I tell my parents? I wasn’t sure what the right answer was.

The fact that he was worried about me at such a time was endearing and frustrating all at the same time.

Are you fucking kidding? Are you okay? I wrote back in response.

I was a few blocks from my house when my phone began ringing.

“Hello?” I answered, breathlessly.

“Where are you?” Jace’s voice sounded through.

“I saw him punch you, Jace—right in front of my eyes.” My voice was quivering as I spoke the words of truth.

“Peyton, where are you?” he asked again, completely ignoring my previous statement.

“I’m on Dayton and Ferry.”

“Don’t move—I’m coming.” Then the call dropped.

I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to. Knowing Jace was in the vicinity had me frozen in place; my heart beating wildly out of my chest. My mind was swimming.

“Peyton?” I heard my name after no more than a few minutes.

I turned around to see Jace, his face flushed, full of worry and concern. “I’m so sorry.” He ran to me then, embracing me gently.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” I asked, my eyes brimming with tears.

“I hate that you had to see that. I hate that I treated you badly.” He pushed a few stray hairs out of my face.

“What the hell was that?” I gasped out.

“My father,” he answered simply.

“I kind of gathered that.” My lips were quivering and I was trying to remain calm.

“He’s an alcoholic bastard,” Jace said, kissing the top of my head lightly.

“Jace, how long has this been going on?” I was searching his blue eyes for answers.

“Just since Jax passed…he started spiraling after my mother’s accident and I guess losing Jax just sent him flying over the edge.” He paused and I could see regret and guilt pass across his eyes. “Jax was my father’s golden child. Seeing me is just too much of a reminder of what he lost.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I was heated now. Tears spilling down my cheeks. The fact that he was already defending him was almost too much for me.

“Peyton, I’m okay.” He was attempting to soothe me with his soft voice.

I pressed on his stomach where I had clearly seen him take the punch earlier and he winced, pulling away from me. I lifted up his shirt gently and the bruise was red, almost maroon. “This is not okay—you are not okay. Let’s go to the police. Let’s report his ass.”

Jace quickly caught my eye. “No. I can handle this.” He pulled his shirt down huffily.

“Jace—you’re not Superman; sometimes it’s okay to ask for help,” I pushed.

“Peyton, drop it,” he snapped. I felt like I had been slapped across my face. I couldn’t hide my disappointment. All I wanted to do was be there for him as he had so often been there for me; my pillar of support, but he was shutting me out; shutting me down.

“Suit yourself,” was all I said before turning and heading back in the direction of my house.

His hand was on my arm faster than I could blink. “Let go of me!” I said in a bitter tone, not even bothering to turn around.

“Peyton.” I didn’t even need to look in his direction to know that something was amiss in his voice.

Turning around slowly, I came face to face with a crying Jace. With every tear that fell from his eyes my heart broke a little more.

I couldn’t stand to see him weak; defeated—that was my role and I played it so well. Without even thinking, I threw my arms around him swiftly; running my hands gently through his hair. “Shhh…” I attempted to calm him down.

His shoulders were heaving up and down with each staggered breath. We stood there like that, embraced, in silence for what felt like forever before he finally spoke.

“I’m going to handle it, I promise. Please have a little faith in me,” he said softly then.

“I do have faith in you,” I replied. “It’s the other assholes in your life I doubt.”

He cracked a small smile in response to my statement. “I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you,” he said through sniffles. “I just didn’t want you getting mixed up in this. You’ve been through so much already—it was the furthest thing from what I wanted.”

I sighed softly. “You’re always trying to protect me; save me. Would it kill you to be vulnerable for once? To allow me to be your savior?”

He cupped my face as he responded. “You’re my world Peyton Lane—I’ll never stop fighting for you.” He lowered his lips to mine quickly and softly.

“I love you,” I whispered as our lips parted. “You’re my everything; but I won’t sit back and watch as you get the shit beat out of you…I won’t do it; I refuse.”

“I don’t expect you to.” He wasted no time at all with his reply. “Just let me deal with it.”

“Okay,” I responded, defeated.

“I wish you could have met my mom. You would have really liked her.”

“I bet I would have—if she was anything like you.” I smiled up at him.

“She taught me everything I know.” He chuckled lightly, but there was a sadness to it.

“Tell me about her,” I urged, rubbing my hand up and down his back in a soothing motion.

“I will…I promise.” It was the best I could get and I wasn’t disappointed in the least. He was beginning to let his walls down for me; he was beginning to open up to me, slowly, and I was savoring every minute of it.

“What are your plans tomorrow?” Jace asked, his eyes regaining a little of their usual brightness.

“Kayleigh wanted to go shopping, but I can reschedule. Why?”

“I want to introduce you to my real family,” Jace replied.

He had taken me by surprise—Jace had never bothered introducing me to any of his friends before. We hadn’t been dating long, but I had always wondered deep down if it was because he was embarrassed of me. Now I understood that Jace took his time—with anything in life—professing his love, opening up to me, introducing me to his friends. In a way, it almost made me feel more special.

“What time?” I found myself asking.

“I’ll pick you up around noon.” He kissed me passionately then, pressing one hand over my heart. I wasn’t sure why he did it, but it felt special; magical.

And then he was gone, with the wind. My eyes were still closed when he made his swift exit. I opened my eyelids, looking around, and realized he had pulled a magic trick on me and disappeared.

I lifted my fingers to my lips—touching the last spot his had been. They were still tingling. I don’t know why I ever let my heart and mind get so hazy when it came to Noah—the chemistry I had with Jace was off the charts; undeniable. It was like fate wanted us together seeing as I couldn’t shake him no matter what I did, and to be honest, it wasn’t like I wanted to. I slowly began walking back towards my house with only his face, his voice, and his scent locked into memory.

Jace was my boyfriend, my love, mine. No one held a candle to him…not Colton, and definitely not Noah. It had always been Jace—from day one…that’s when I realized just what I needed to do. I began writing the text to Noah that would either make or break our friendship and band…no more back and forth, no more confusion.

Jace was the one.

Nineteen: The Only Thing I’m Drunk on is You.

Things That Make Me Smile

A comic you paid to see, your favorite show is playing

Your crush is flirting with you, these things would make me smile too

All we want is happiness, peace, equality, and fairness

Why can’t we live in a fairytale instead of living behind our veils?

“Where are you taking me?” I giggled as I felt the car jut to the right.

“Just a bit further,” Jace whispered, his voice giving me goose bumps. I didn’t know if I was ever going to get used to his effect on me.

After the day I witnessed his terrible father assault him, Jace had told me he wanted to take a weekend trip with me. He told me he was going to introduce me to his real family, whatever that meant.

What he hadn’t shared was the fact that I had to be blindfolded the entire way there…it was nearly three hours away from what I gathered, after a few bathroom breaks and my rumbling stomach.

I was nervous about meeting anyone who was important to Jace. He was so closed off, so guarded—if anyone made it that close they had to be someone special.

In a way, the darkness helped my nerves and I wondered if that was Jace’s plan all along. Maybe he knew me more than I thought.

“Can I take this thing off yet?” I whined, already reaching my hands up to remove it.

“Not yet.” I felt Jace’s fingers close around mine, causing me to freeze in place—my heartbeat was racing.

It’s like he could sense me. “Relax,” Jace began in a calming tone. “They are going to love you.”

I took a deep breath, inhaling and then letting it out. Jace was right. He was the only person I needed to worry about, and he loved me…I’d say I was set.

“We’re here,” I heard a faint whisper in my left ear.

Eagerly, I ripped the bandana from my eyes and quickly scanned our surroundings.

We were in the wilderness. Yup, definitely somewhere in the forest. I looked over at Jace, confused. “What are we doing here?”

Then the single worst thing that could have happened, did. He replied with camping.

The wilderness and I did not agree…it was going to be a long trip.

I wasn’t sure if the groan I let out had been in my head or out loud—but I found out quickly as Jace’s face fell. “Peyton, I’m sorry—I didn’t know you hated camping.”

He was making me feel like the biggest bitch in the world. “I’m willing to try anything again for you,” I said—surprising the both of us.

His lips curled up into a mischievous smile. “I have to know—what is it that you hate so much about camping?”

I paused. Where should I begin? “Well, for starters…” I unbuckled my seatbelt before continuing. “I hate being cold, and at night I’m sure it is going to drop below sixty degrees.”

Jace looked amused. “That’s what you have me for. I’m going to be your personal heater.”

My cheeks began burning up realizing that this was going to be the first time Jace and I were alone with no parental distractions. We would be sharing the same sleeping quarters.

“We’re going to be staying in yurts, you dork, there will be beds, blankets, and a heater. Can I get a thank you?”

“Thank you,” I said softly, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

He looked too victorious. He was trying to fight off the smile, but I could tell he was having difficulties.

“Okay, what else?”

He really wanted me to continue… “Jace, do you want to keep your friends waiting?”

“I want to hear what else you dislike about camping.” He was persistent—I’d give him that.

“They all seem dumb now that you told me we have a yurt,” I answered honestly.

“Oh, I see how it is…” Jace acted like he was hurt. “You just didn’t trust that I could treat my girl right, is that it?”

I would never get tired of him referring to me as his—in any way, shape, or form. “Say it again.” My eyes were pleading with his.

“My girl.” How he could always read my mind was beyond sexy to me. “You are mine.”

He lowered his lips to mine then, softly. My heart rate began to spike. I broke off the kiss quickly, not wanting to get carried away. “I’m ready to meet your family now.”

Jace smiled back at me widely. “Come on.”

Before I knew it, he had dragged me out of the car and to one of the first yurts we came across. He pounded loudly on the door. “Honey, I’m home.” His voice rose unusually high as he attempted to fool the people inside.

The door swung open with a bang and standing inside was a scrawny looking dark-haired male with green eyes and freckles. He was grinning so big it was as if they had been separated for years.

“Elijah,” I heard Jace say.

They ran to each other and embraced roughly. “How in the hell have you been man?” Elijah asked, slapping one hand down on Jace’s shoulder.

“I’ve been good,” Jace replied.

“How long has it been?” Elijah was looking for an answer from Jace.

“A couple of months,” Jace said softly, almost as if he was too ashamed to say it aloud.

“Don’t ever let it happen again.” Elijah looked at him, serious and sincere.

“I won’t, I promise.” It appeared as though they were having some kind of inner dialogue between one another within their stares. Maybe Elijah knew about Jace’s asshole of a father? If Jace was as close with them as he made it seem—I wouldn’t put it past him.

“Is that Austin I hear?” I heard a deep masculine voice come out of the neighboring yurt.

He stepped out into view and I caught his light blond hair, brown eyes, and bulging muscles.

“Boone!” Jace shouted, then re-enacted the same scene from earlier.

“Well, that was rude,” Elijah stepped out beside me. “You must be Peyton.”

I nodded, clicking my eyes back to Jace and Boone who were still too wrapped up in one another, oblivious to the world around them.

“It’s like you guys haven’t seen each other in years,” I said softly, still admiring the two.

“It feels that way,” Elijah responded, glancing at me then back at his two friends. “We used to hang out every day before…” he trailed off and I didn’t even need to guess where he was going with it.

I looked down, instant guilt overtaking me; flushing my cheeks. Elijah didn’t miss a beat. “You have nothing to be ashamed of—to feel sorry for.”

I looked over at him, his green eyes burning into me. “He told you?” I wasn’t sure whether to be angry or intrigued.

“Jace and I tell each other everything. He’s my brother.”

I was still turned towards Elijah when Jace appeared beside me, his arm slipping comfortably behind my back. It was as if we were two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. His touch brought goose bumps all over my skin. “I’m an ass,” he whispered so only I could hear.

“Yes you are.” I nudged him playfully.

“Eli, Boone, this is my girlfriend, Peyton.” I smiled to myself again when he used the word I had grown to love.

Boone had joined us on the porch, shaking my hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you Peyton.”

“Good or bad?” I looked up into his brown eyes for the answer.

“Only time will tell,” he responded. He was going to be harder to win over than Elijah. Good thing I was up for the challenge. “Peyton, this is my girlfriend, Lana.” I was surprised I had missed her before, all 5’3 of her. She was cute and petite with short brown hair and kind eyes.

“Nice to meet you.” I threw out my hand politely.

“Thank God there’s another female on this trip! We need something to combat all this testosterone.” She joked and I instantly liked her. Yep, we could be friends.

“There’s a couple more people I want to introduce you to,” Jace whispered into my ear. “Excuse us?” He addressed his friends questioning stares.

“Sure, hit us up later.” I heard Elijah call out. “Pleasure to meet you Peyton.”

“You too,” I replied as we proceeded to the third yurt in the row.

“Who am I going to meet now?” I asked eagerly before we reached the door.

“Someone, or rather two people who will mean just as much to you as they do me—if not more.” That had my mind racing; my heart rapidly beating against my chest.

I didn’t need introductions this time around; I recognized the pair quickly.

“Kayleigh, what are you doing here?” I asked, still walking up to hug her.

She glanced at Bentley who was planted beside her, grinning wildly. “Come on, did you expect Mom and Dad to let you spend a couple of nights all alone with Jace?”

“I’m a senior!” I gasped, but wasn’t mad in the slightest. Kayleigh and I had become close over the course of the year. She had been there for me more than anyone else in the world—she was my guardian angel.

“We’ll see you a bit later,” Bentley chuckled as he closed the door in my face.

I looked up at Jace puzzled. “Kayleigh means a lot to you. Probably more than anyone else you know. You really look up to her. I see it in your eyes. She’s your family—she’s my family now.”

I stared up into his cobalt eyes. “You’re everything I could have ever wished for. Everything I ever dreamed of.”

I saw sadness flash across Jace’s eyes then, utterly confusing me. “What is it?”

Jace had walked down the porch to the gravel road. I followed him, slowly. “How many years did you fantasize about my brother before you realized there was literally a Jekyll and Hyde inside of him?”

I knew no matter what the answer, he was bound to be hurt.

Truth was I went to school with Jax my entire life, loving him from afar—he didn’t even acknowledge my existence until junior year—when it all changed for me.

“It doesn’t matter.” I paused, looking up into his eyes. “I was drawn to you for different reasons.”

“And what were those?” His voice was dripping with intrigue.

“Your gentleness, your attentiveness, and this mysterious magnetic pull I feel to you, constantly—as if we are connected mind, body, and soul…yeah, that about sums it up.” I giggled, pulling him in close.

His eyes were suddenly dark and serious. “Peyton, there’s something I need to tell you…”

My heart dipped into my stomach. The famous words that had shattered so many dreams, ripped away so many hopes had just come out of Jace’s mouth—you could say I was a bit hysterical on the inside.

“What is it?” My voice sounded small, unattached.

The longer Jace made me wait in agony, the longer my mind was racing with what if’s and negative outcomes.

“We didn’t meet in the hall like you thought…” he trailed off, walking a few feet away from me. His back was to me and his head angled down.

“What are you trying to say Jace?” I couldn’t get a handle on my voice as it cracked from nervousness.

“The day you took the pills…”

What in the hell…?

“Jace, you better spit it out soon before I die from a heart attack!” I ordered, my mouth dry as ever.

“It was the first day I moved to town. I was walking, exploring my new town when I ran into Kayleigh—she thought I was my brother and invited me over. I was bored, so I played along. Plus, Kayleigh’s not bad on the eyes…I wasn’t feeling the greatest and was just looking for a release.

“Please don’t say what I think you are going to say…” My eyes were filling up with tears. My sister won in everything in life…I was always second fiddle. The knowledge that Jace had been interested in her before even meeting me was tearing me up.

“Peyton, I saw you that day. Yes I was with her without the greatest intentions—but you were all I saw.”

“Well, it’d be a little hard to miss someone overdosing.” My voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“I pleaded with you to come back—I promised you things would be different if you just stayed with us long enough to call 911 and have an ambulance dispatched. The moment you squeezed my hand, I knew…it was my mission.”

“I’m not a mission.” It seemed silly, but it was all I could think of as a comeback.

“No, you’re just the girl I’m head over heels, madly in love with. I was stupid before. I let my peers influence my decisions and I never went after what I wanted—what my heart wanted.” He kissed me quickly then. “You changed my life Peyton Lane…and for the better. I have a permanent smile on my face, and you know damn well it’s because of you.”

I couldn’t help but blush. Don’t things like this only happen in the cheesiest of love stories?

The problem was that I still felt conflicted about him liking my sister—falling for me out of pity.

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove to you that there is no one else out there for me. You want me to shout it amongst the rooftops? Fine…” He ripped away from me then and bellowed loudly for all the woods to hear, “I love Peyton Lane!”

“Stop it!” I hissed, throwing my hand up to his lips to silence him.

“What? It’s true…and I want the whole world to know!” He was grinning madly.

“Are you drunk?” I giggled, knowing full well he wasn’t.

“The only thing I’m drunk on is you.” I had to hand it to him—he was good.

Twenty: Hold Up, Where are Your Pants?

My Heart Speaks (Only What’s Real)

I don’t know when things started to change

Our casual ways became kisses and flings

I don’t know what to do anymore

My lust has filled my hearts core

My mind tells me I can’t feel this way

Spinnin’, heart racin’, so much change

I’m telling you I can’t change how I feel

My hearts speakin’ only what’s real

“Did I do well?” Jace asked me as we entered our yurt.

“You did wonderful…” I trailed off deep in thought.

“Something is missing though, isn’t it?” Jace asked, taking my hands in his and squeezing them gently. “I thought you might say that…”

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You didn’t…”

He nodded his head animatedly, grinning widely. “I did.”

It was like Jace and I had a language of our own, as if we were on the same wavelength.

“They’ll be here in the morning.” It was as if he had said the magic words. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him into me. Jace knew me so well…I wondered when he had the time.

Knowing that Brooklyn and Madison would be joining us made me all sorts of excited.

“You’re too good to be true,” I whispered before closing the distance between our mouths.

He ran his fingers through my hair, pulling it away from my face. His other arm was around my waist, pulling me into him.

My heart began racing almost instantly. I was a virgin. I had close to no experiences. My first kiss had been less than a year before. Staying in a room alone with Jace scared the shit outta me.

Jace could sense my shift in nervousness and he pulled away from the kiss breathlessly. “What is it?”

“Jace, you know I love you and love spending time with you—but I’m not ready for this and I don’t think I can trust myself with you.”

Jace’s face fell and I worried I had hurt his feelings. “You don’t trust me?”

“No, I do, it’s just…” I stammered, searching for the right words.

“It’s okay.” He backed off. “Let’s go hang out for a bit and if you still feel the same way later, I’ll see if Bentley would mind swapping.” I didn’t deserve him.

We played Catch Phrase among a camp fire and I saw happiness in Jace’s eyes I had only hoped for a chance to see.

We spiced things up with alcohol—losers having to drink—and unfortunately for me, my partners Elijah, Jace, and Bentley weren’t the greatest guessers. We were losing and quite buzzed.

Kayleigh, Boone, and Lana dominated game after game until we finally called it quits hours later and shots deep.

The alcohol was flowing through my body, making it feel hot and numb all at the same time. I had a tingling sensation running its course down my arms.

I was giggling as an aftermath of our competitive game as well as the alcohol in my system. I glanced over at Jace who appeared to be holding his liquor quite well.

“You’re a cute drunk,” he whispered in my ear.

“I’m not drunk,” I retorted.

“Right.” Jace rolled his eyes before downing his own glass.

Vodka had been the alcohol of the night and I knew the crazy it brought out of me. Thankfully, I had Kayleigh and Bentley looking out for me…although they had seemed to have disappeared mysteriously, I assumed for some alone time. They didn’t get much of it nowadays because of having to babysit and chaperone me everywhere.

Elijah had also excused himself earlier due to not feeling well. All that was left was Jace, Boone, Lana, and me.

Boone and Jace were in a deep conversation so I focused my attention on the questions Lana was asking me.

“How long have you guys been together?” She was searching for the answer in my eyes.

“Just a few weeks,” I replied, gulping lightly.

“I’m surprised,” Lana said then.

“About?”

“Jace is very selective with who he introduces us to. You must be something special.”

I blushed slightly, wondering if Olivia had made the cut.

“Who was the last girl he introduced you to?” I found myself asking.

“Well, besides Olivia who we already knew…no one.”

I stared back into her brown eyes with shock. “No one?”

She shook her head no. “Like I said, something special.”

I glanced back at Jace and Boone, taking in the way the moonlight danced off his face, and how his blue eyes sparkled in the light.

“How did you two meet?” Lana asked, still taking in my appearance.

“He saved my life. Will you excuse me?” I stood up suddenly, wanting nothing more than to be near him.

He looked startled when I approached. “I’m tired, I’m going to bed. You want to come?”

His stare looked conflicted. “Actually, I’m going to stay out here a bit longer, is that okay?”

“Of course,” I replied, hoping he wouldn’t think I was mad at him. I was drunk, horny, and tired; a lethal combination.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” he stated and then kissed me on my forehead.

“Night,” Boone called after me as I began the short walk to our yurt.

I was thankful for the alone time. I hadn’t realized how wasted I was. It became apparent as I stumbled back to the yurt.

When I made it inside, my three jackets began to suffocate me, and I nearly ripped them off. I had no patience for changing into my sleepwear, so I simply stepped out of my skinny jeans and was left in my hoodie and underwear.

I giggled at the sight of all my clothes strewn about and then climbed into bed. It felt like a blink of an eye when the body heat next to me became apparent, as well as the ruffling of covers.

How long have I been passed out for? My body was frozen, my heart in my throat. I felt his warm breath on the back of my neck, making all my hairs stand on end.

“Peyton, are you awake?” I heard him whisper through the darkness.

My breathing became still. I was attempting to fake being asleep. If I didn’t, I was going to pounce on him and I wasn’t sure I would be able to stop myself.

When I didn’t answer, I felt an arm snake around my body and pull me in tighter to him.

“Hold up, where are your pants?” Jace’s hands had slid over the band of my lace panties a couple of times.

I couldn’t help but giggle, I guess alcohol was still in my system.

Upon hearing my laugh, he instantly began grabbing at my sides, tickling me.

“You were faking it?” Jace asked, turning me towards him, a shocked expression on his face.

“I just didn’t want to be tempted. When I feel so tingly inside and you look so yummy…” Yep, definitely still drunk…

Jace chuckled softly. “You’re adorable.” He ran his fingers lightly through my hair. “You know you didn’t have to drink so much.”

“I know,” I sighed softly. “I get nervous.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Jace kissed my forehead then. “I would never do anything to hurt you—you know that right?”

I nodded.

“And I would never pressure you to do anything you weren’t ready for…” he paused until I nodded again. “It took me so long to find you, fight for you, and win you over…if I lose you it would all be for not—understand?”

I nodded again, remaining silent.

“Now, let’s get some sleep. We have a long, eventful day tomorrow.” He began to pull away a bit when I squeezed his fingers to stop him.

I turned around so we were finally face to face. I traced my fingers over his nose, his cheeks, taking time to savor every inch of him. When my finger ran over his lips—he pressed them to it and then to the palm of my hand.

He lowered his lips to mine again and again, only this time we were rolling around on the bed.

His hands were exploring my legs, my hips, my thighs. Mine were under his t-shirt, wrapped up in his small chest hair.

Our breathing had intensified, and we were all but moaning with pleasure from the kisses, the closeness. That was until I yelled out the only safe word I could think of in the heated moment, “Mercy!”

Twenty One: I Looked Different; I Felt Different; Hell, I was Different.

Guys Before

I knew you were the one since the first day our eyes met. I was just looking for a little bit of fun, who would’ve known that’s what I’d get?

You changed my outlook on love, I was a fool thinking all guys would play me.  But you came out of the far above and you opened my eyes and helped me see.

You’re nothing like the guys before, more gentle, loving, and caring. I never knew what was in store, until you walked into my life.

Jace and I had been official ever since the atrocious night of my birthday. We took a leap and never looked back. Spending close to every waking moment together we wrapped ourselves up in the new romance. After dating for a month, Jace made reservations at a really fancy Thai restaurant. I was surprised; people celebrated being together after only a month? The idea seemed silly to me, but it excited Jace, so I humored him.

After sharing egg rolls and yellow curry, Jace drove us out to the same beach where we had shared our first kiss. We entered the cave, the moon was dancing off the rocks and it almost felt too real. Jace kissed me quickly before ripping off his shirt.

“What are you doing?” I asked, finding myself hot instantly by his shirtless torso.

“What do you think I’m doing?” He asked with a coy smile.

“I’m not sure,” I stammered, nervous energy spilling off me. Jace reached for the zipper on the back of my dress. “Jace…” I began, shaking.

“Shhh,” I heard from behind my right ear, sending goose bumps all over my body.

“Jace,” I repeated. “I’m not sure if I am ready….”

He finished unzipping me and the dress instantly fell from my body onto the rocks below us. I was left standing in my bra and panties. I quickly threw my arms in front of my body, attempting to shield him from seeing the part of me I hated. “Do you trust me?” Jace asked softly.

I nodded. “More than anyone.”

“Good.” He grabbed my arms and moved them off of my stomach, then he fell to my feet.

“What are you doing?” I asked, curiously eyeing the back of his head beneath me.

I felt his lips press against the top of my foot, making me giggle. They moved up to my ankle, where he kissed it sweetly.

“Jace?” I tried to get his attention, but he was clearly ignoring me.

His lips had now made their way to the back of my legs, sending chills all over my body. He moved his hands softly across my body following his pattern of kisses. He kissed my knees next, both of them. His hands were still moving up, they were now dangerously close to my hips. He kissed my upper leg and seeing how close he was getting, I instantly threw my arms back over my stomach.

“If that is what you are worried about…we can fix that, together. I love you just the way you are…but if it is really bothersome to you, I will help you tighten it. We can go to the gym every day if you want to.” He looked up at me from his crouched position. “I love every inch of you Peyton Lane, and I am going to prove it to you.” He effortlessly pushed my arms away and began smothering my stomach and extra skin with kisses all over. “I loved you before you lost the weight—I love you now.”

“What do you love about me though?” I pushed, still staring down at him.

He stood then, running his fingers through my choppy layers. “I love how talented and passionate you are. I love your blunt honesty. I love your heart.” He pressed his hand over my heart gently. “I love your determination…” He paused slightly before continuing. “I fell in love with the girl in here.” He pointed to my heart. “I didn’t fall in love with a body or an image—I fell in love with the whole person, you.”

I kissed him eagerly then, parting our lips with my tongue. He nibbled and sucked on my bottom lip ever so gently, which drove me all sorts of crazy. “I’m sorry about this.” Jace broke from the kiss, lightly running his finger over my scar. His expression was etched with guilt.

“That’s not your fault.” I reached up to squeeze his hand and press it against my cheek.

“I know, but if I hadn’t been such an ass I would have saved you from ever going through it.” He was looking down into my eyes then, searching for forgiveness.

“You couldn’t have known Jace…don’t beat yourself up about it,” I said lightly.

“Even though I was stupid, I knew I wanted you from day one. I knew I wanted to get to know you, be around you…”

I smiled lightly back at him. I hated playing the ‘what if’ game. What if he had pursued me from the very beginning? Would Jax still be dead? Would I have had anything to do with Jax more than talking? Would Colton and I have still had our affair? It was all too overwhelming to dissect.

“Can’t we just be thankful that you finally realized the error of your ways?” I smiled again, attempting to get him out of his funk.

“And boy did I…” He kissed me passionately. “Peyton, you’re irresistible to me…” He pushed me up against the same wall of the cave we had met with in an earlier passionate encounter. The rocks jutted out into my back, but I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was stay wrapped up in Jace for as long as possible.

His lips made their way to my ear, which he sucked, nibbled, and then even tugged on a little with his teeth. I had never been more turned on in my life. He swiftly moved his mouth gingerly over my neck, trailing it with kisses, then his tongue, and even leaving a few hickeys.

“Eww, don’t do that,” I barely got out as he left yet another hickey on my neck.

“Are you sure about that? You seemed to rather enjoy it…” Jace’s blue eyes were sparkling as he grinned back at me.

Damn him.

I spun him around so that he was thrown against the rocks for once. His eyebrows rose animatedly as I took charge…something I had never dared to do before.

I kissed him roughly, passionately, and took his bottom lip in mine, sucking and then slightly biting on it, causing him to moan out in pleasure. I was smiling inwardly.

“God you’re sexy,” he said breathlessly, as I had made my way to his ear. I was sucking lightly on the bottom of his ear, rolling my teeth over it, back and forth, back and forth. “You better be careful…if you continue that much longer, I may not be able to stop.”

I looked in Jace’s eyes and there was passion, yearning, and love I could see.

I kissed him slower this time, savoring the taste, the feel, the closeness. The heat between us had not died down in the least. His hands were running all over my body. He was pulling me into him, grabbing at my hips. And he wasn’t pulling away disgusted…

I love him. Every time that thought came to mind, I would wear a huge smile plastered across my face for hours. He had that effect on me. He was mine.

I couldn’t stand being apart from him any longer. I jumped on him; aggressively kissing him, sending us crashing into the cave wall. “Ouch.” Jace chuckled as he took the brunt of the impact. “Tell me what you love about me,” he whispered into my ear.

He was still holding me up in the air, it was so sexy. “Everything,” I answered, and for once, I meant it. I loved every part about Jace…the good, the bad, and the ugly. He was my savior.

“What a cop out,” he joked, poking me in the side.

He gently laid me down on the floor of the cave, climbing on top of me, and kissing me lightly. He was just about to stand up when I grabbed his arm to stop him. “Where do you think you’re going?” I pulled him roughly back down and pounced on him.

We stayed like that, rolling around on the ground of the cave, sharp and jagged rocks pressing into our backs for hours---but I didn’t care. I had loved Jace since the first time he spoke to me, and I had never felt worthy enough—until now.

I ran my fingers through his fuzzy hair that was growing in. “Tell me the story about when you first realized you were in love with me…”

“You already know this story.” Jace eyed me down.

“I know,” I pouted. “I just want to hear it again.”

He smiled back at me. “It all began with a case of mistaken identity…”

*              *              *

Jace and I spent the rest of the summer basking in true love. He taught me that I didn’t have to be perfect all the time and it was actually endearing to be imperfect. He helped me grow into the person I wanted to become; the person I always knew I could be. We spent nearly five weeks diligently working out at the gym to help tighten my loose skin, and just like Jace had predicted, it was working. I was feeling so much more confident, and I owed it all to my loving boyfriend. Just being able to refer to him as my boyfriend made me giddier than seeing a Backstreet Boys reunion tour.

In the beginning I always felt like I was beneath Jace, like I was never good enough. My own sister was embarrassed of me; I assumed he would be too. But Jace treated me like a human being from day one…it was the trait that had made me fall for him instantly. He never looked at me like I was disgusting or fat…he looked at me with wonder in his eyes…he looked at me with curiosity.

Jace had been my knight in shining armor countless times over the past year. I had dreamt of my first boyfriend; my first kiss; holding hands endless nights. I would toss and turn wondering when it was going to be my turn. Guys never even gave me a second glance. And then one day one boy turned and stared…gave me the second glance I had been wishing on for years…gave me an in. Even though he had aggravated me, insulted me, and hurt me, my first love had been everything I had wished for and more.

I had loved Colton around the same time…but it was a different kind of love. He was a stepping stone to my relationship I was meant to build with Jace. Colton helped me to begin to accept myself—Jace showed me how to love myself. He walked into my life and nothing was ever the same.  While there would always be love in my heart for Colton, I was and had always been head over heels in love with Jace Austin…I fell in love with his image but stayed in love with his personality and heart.

My band had been put on a stand still while I pursued film acting alongside Jace. We had been to a handful of auditions and callbacks and life had never felt sweeter. Brooklyn moved in with her aunt in Atlanta, after the summer was over. They had a job ready for her at their self-owned photography studio. She was beyond excited. Plans were already in motion for a visit from Madison and me.

Madison had stayed local while working towards attending Berkley School of Music in the winter.

Noah met a girl, more of a plain Jane than he was used to, but she has been great for him. I had never seen him happier than when he was with Alyssa, and that’s all I could ever hope for Noah. I just wanted him to be happy.

Kayleigh broke up with Bentley…again. It was a mutual decision due to the fact he was moving to Oregon on a football scholarship to play for the University of Oregon Ducks, and Kayleigh was headed all the way to California on an academic scholarship.

My life had changed so much from the previous year and my first day on campus. I was still having trouble grasping that this was my life and not some kind of fairytale. I looked different; I felt different; hell, I was different. I was so far from the broken person Jace had vowed to fix. I had gained strength, I had found my happiness.

“You nervous?” Jace asked when he picked me up in his new red Mustang his grandmother had bought him as an early eighteenth birthday gift. It was extremely generous given the fact that his birthday wasn’t even until December.

“Why would I be nervous?” I shot back, before climbing in the passenger seat and giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

“It’s the first day of our senior year,” Jace responded like he was telling me something I didn’t already know.

“Uh huh.” I nodded, almost mocking him.

“Hey!” He exclaimed playfully as we rounded a sharp corner.

“Why would I have anything to be nervous about when I get to walk in on the arm on the most handsome guy in school?” I gushed.

Jace glanced back at me lovingly. “Good answer.”

After parking the car and grabbing our backpacks, Jace extended his arm out to me. “After you my lady.”

I smiled back doing a fake curtsy. “Don’t mind if I do.” This is why I knew without a fraction of a doubt he was the one; I could be myself around him knowing that he accepted every inch of me—and he loved it.

Epilogue

I’m ashamed of myself. I’m ashamed I put so much emphasis on what my peers were going to think. Peyton’s size had never bothered me—whether she was thin as a rail or wide as a house. I had fallen for her soul; the person inside.

I wasted so much time worried what others would think of me, I almost lost her…multiple times.

I couldn’t even imagine a life without her enticing stare or beautiful smile; her well scripted words or her gentle loving heart.

I knew from the moment we met that no one could ever compare to the effect she left on me, and I didn’t want them to.

Peyton was finally mine after close to a year of secretly lusting her. I couldn’t help but feel as though I’d won the biggest prize in life…her heart.

Chapter Two

The Fighter

The Fighter

A Foundation Novel

By: Kira Adams

The Foundation Series

Pieces of Me

The Fighter

The Road Back to Us

Copyright © 2014 Krista Pakseresht. All rights reserved.

http://kristakakes.blogspot.com
https://www.facebook.com/KiraAdamsAuthor
http://www.wattpad.com/user/xKiraAdamsx
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7179367.Kira_Adams

Cover design by Cover Me Designs

Editing by Joanne LaRe Thompson

Table of Contents

Prologue

One – Compromises and Confrontations

Two – A Flow Like None Other

Three – A Hero’s Tale

Four – Confusion & Confessions

Five – Forbidden Feelings Surface

Six – A Depressing Realization

Seven – Breaking News & Breaking Hearts

Eight – Danger Jace Austin, Danger.

Nine – A Harsh Reality

Ten – In the Mourning

Eleven – A Human Tornado

Twelve – A Small Step in the Right Direction

Thirteen – Desperation

Fourteen – Face the Music

Fifteen – Jailed and Conflicted

Sixteen – Freedom at Last

Seventeen – Falling Back into Place

Eighteen – I Know What I Want

Nineteen – Right Where We Left Off

Twenty – Embracing the Darkness

Twenty One – A Human Tug-of-War

Twenty Two – The Most Unexpected Surprise

Twenty Three – As Close As Physically Possible

Twenty Four – Lights, Camera, Action!

Twenty Five – Am I Being Punk’d?

Twenty Six – Damn Near Perfect

Epilogue

Prologue

He took me on a roller coaster of emotions from the moment I laid eyes on him. Others paled in comparison. He was damn near perfect.

There was not a day that passed that he didn’t run across my mind. He was intoxicating in all the right ways. Some days I had to pinch myself. It was hard to believe Jace was mine for the taking.

One: Compromises and Confrontations

My reflexes had never been sharper. My heart was racing a mile a minute. I gulped loudly then glanced back at the wall which had just been assaulted by our former toaster. In fact, the wall may have lost, judging by the gaping hole staring back at me.

He was drunk again. Not surprising. What was surprising is that he hadn’t drunk himself to oblivion yet, and was still conscious. Normally I could slip out unnoticed in the mornings. The nights were more challenging. After Jax passed away my father went full on looney toons…ape shit. He lost his job and everything else. Now, he could be found spending his days drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Jack and blaming me for his troubles. It didn’t help that I was the identical resemblance to the son he lost. I got punished almost daily for it.

“You worthless piece of shit,” he snarled at me, slurring his words. That was his favorite insult, other than the obvious, ‘Why wasn’t it you?’ bit.

“It’s not even 7:00 a.m. Frank, you should be waking up right now—job hunting, but what are you doing? Wasting away as usual. This needs to stop, be the parent for once.” I knew the truth would get my ass kicked from my house to Japan, but I was sick and tired of his reckless abandon.

“You better watch it boy!” Frank threatened, his finger pointed in the air at me.

“Go fuck yourself,” I said, nearly under my breath and then turned to walk away from my sorry excuse of a father.

I heard his barreling footsteps before I had a chance to react. He tackled me, taking me to the ground roughly. My face was being smashed into the hardwood floor violently.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of a struggle, I threw his heavy frame off of me and managed to jump to my feet.

“I have to go to school,” I muttered under my breath and then grabbed my backpack off the table and booked it out of there.

I ran as fast as I could out the front door and didn’t stop until I was nearly a mile away. I stopped, gasping for air. Frank would have never made it this far—he was much too lazy for that, but it didn’t stop me from running like hell.

I winced realizing just how sore I was from his tackle.

I glanced at my watch. 7:05.

Shit.

I was supposed to have picked up Peyton at 6:45 a.m. It was our usual routine nowadays. She was probably already panicking on the inside, imagining all the reasons I was late and hadn’t called yet.

We had been doing really well the past couple of months-definitely stuck in the honeymoon phase. Although her insecurities still reared their heads from time to time, it was becoming less often, so that was a plus.

I pulled my phone from out of my back pocket and noticed two texts from my girlfriend.

Hey, did you sleep through your alarm? Sent at 6:55 a.m.

I quickly read the second one which had been sent less than a minute ago. Should I ask Jen for a ride to school?

I dialed her number without any further hesitation. It was no surprise she picked up on the first ring.

“Are you okay? Where are you?” She sounded worried.

“I’m fine. I accidentally snoozed my alarm,” I lied.

I could practically hear her exhaling loudly with relief.

It’s not that I wanted to lie to her—or even that it was the right thing to do, but I cared about Peyton more than anyone in the world and I planned to protect her no matter what it took.

“Are you going to be here soon?” Peyton asked, bringing me back to reality.

I can’t believe I missed it.

I was too busy running for my life, I hadn’t realized that I had left my car parked in the driveway. Peyton was going to be majorly suspicious if I showed up on foot without any excuse.

“Babe, I need to tell you something…” I began.

Suddenly, the silence was deafening, as if she was holding her breath.

“My car didn’t start this morning.” Lie number two. “Do you think Jen could give us both a ride?”

Again I heard a sigh of relief.

I could have sworn I heard a chuckle too. “Of course. Let me call her right now. Head over.”

“I’m already on my way, see you soon.” I hung up the phone and began walking in the direction of Peyton’s house. Because I had run so quick and aimlessly, I was off course, but I corrected quickly. It wouldn’t be more than ten minutes.

When I first met her, she enchanted me, but Jax was right when he said she wasn’t my normal type. In a way, that deepened my feelings for her. I needed a change—a break from the mundane. She was that and more for me, but I stressed about what my peers would think, how they would treat her and it kept me from being honest with myself.

Peyton changed everything for me. She was what kept me sane. She was my passion.

I hated lying to her, but I loved her so much, it ached in my bones. She was fragile; I planned to handle her with the upmost care. She brought life back into me. Peyton was everything.

*              *              *

After the hiccup of forgetting my car the first time, I made sure to keep it parked on the street from there on out-easy to access if I ever needed to get out quick.

I had picked up Peyton for school on time this morning and was in the process of attempting to convince her to accompany me to one of our school’s away football games when we finally pulled up to the familiar brick building and parked.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Peyton whined obnoxiously.

“No…it’s a compromise,” I replied, turning off the engine.

I knew the extent to which Peyton disliked football, but I had been able to convince her to come out to a game once before…I was hoping the odds were in my favor again.

“Football?” The disdain in her voice was more than apparent.

“What’s your favorite thing to do?”

“Definitely not watch football!” she exclaimed.

“Just humor me.”

“Spend time with you.” She wasted no time debating on an answer.

“Now ask me the same question.”

She giggled before complying. “What’s your favorite thing to do?”

“Hang out with you. Ask me what my second favorite thing to do is,” I ordered.

“What is it?” She gave in.

“Watching football. So make me a deal, you will come with me to something you don’t necessarily enjoy and I will return the favor.”

A smile spread across her lips like wildfire as she finally exited the car and I followed suit.

“The ballet,” she said as she closed the distance between us.

“What about it?”

“That’s my compromise,” she replied, stone faced.

She had to be kidding.

She was kidding…right?

Two: A Flow Like None Other

You would think after the hundredth time I would have become an expert on sneaking into my house, but I had yet to perfect my routine.

Call it clumsiness—call it carelessness—call it whatever you want; something always seemed to go wrong.

Tonight I just so happened to scrape my backpack against the wall as I slinked up the stairs silently.

From the corner of my eye I saw a flash coming from the living room, barreling towards me.

I raced up the stairs, no longer worried about the noise I was making, when I felt him grab my backpack, hurling me backwards.

Quickly, I removed my arms from the straps and dove into my bedroom, throwing myself against the door and locking the five deadbolts I had recently installed.

He was already pounding on the door—screaming obscenities, demanding I come out. “You can’t hide in there forever!” he growled.

I reached for my stereo and turned on the radio, spinning the dial so I could drown out his demands.

Unfortunately, this had become my life. I could barely concentrate while at home, so I did most of my studying at Peyton’s. She never asked questions and I rather enjoyed the company.

It’s strange to think that less than ten years ago I had the picture perfect family-happily married parents, two healthy kids, and our house pets, and our bunnies Raven and Scarlett.

My father would have done anything for me back then. He never missed a little league game; always in the bleachers cheering me on.

I think it all began to change with my parents’ separation. I felt disconnected from my father, and I knew he felt it too.

The first big ripple was when they announced their plans to divorce and gave us a choice in whom to live with.

I saw what a wreck my mother was. She appeared so fragile, I couldn’t imagine not being there for her through the rough time, so I made the decision that I felt was right at the time.

Jax had always been a Daddy’s boy, from day one. He wanted to be just like him.

They tried not to make it obvious throughout our childhood, but my parents definitely had favorites amongst the two of us.

When I took my mother’s side by choosing to live with her after the divorce, it caused many ripples in the relationship I had with my father.

His banging had calmed down a bit but was still audible even with my loud music.

I took my phone out and texted Peyton. Hey, what are you up to?

In the studio. Capiche came up with this sick track! You have to hear it, she replied.

I can’t wait, I sent back.

During the summer, Peyton had taken a college acting class and met a gentleman who went by the name Capiche. He was a rapper. After talking a bit, Capiche convinced Peyton to go back to his studio to check it out and the rest was history. They had been writing and recording together ever since.

In fact, Peyton spent more time with Capiche than anyone lately. I should have been jealous in some capacity, but I trusted Peyton…not that I trusted Capiche; I trusted him about as far as I could throw him.

You should stop by, Peyton suggested.

There was no way I would be able to sneak back out the front door. My only option was climbing out the window and jumping down to the terrace as quietly as possible. It wasn’t ideal, but I wanted to see Peyton; even if it meant sleeping in my car for the night.

*              *              *

I never thought this could happen

I never imagined an ending like this

I thought you were my forever

I knew I lost you with the last kiss

I never knew what was in store

You left me wanting, wanting more

I couldn’t get enough

I had to be the one to call your bluff.

You never knew me, you never knew, you never knew me

I was wrong to think you would sire to me

Blessed be, let me think, let me think

About all the times you were so bleak

Like a game, like a real-real game

My poker face was lost in vain

Because I never thought this could happen to me

I never imagined an ending like this

I never imagined an ending like this

I never imagined an ending like this

I never imagined an ending like this

I had walked in as it appeared Peyton was in the middle of a run through. Capiche had clearly pre-recorded his rhymes and Peyton was singing the hook. I had never heard Peyton’s voice so full, so strong. It gave me goose bumps.

Not to mention Capiche’s undeniable skills. He was as good as Eminem, if not better. His flow was insane. He was also white, Italian actually, born Chris Palazzi.

“Hey man,” I exchanged pleasantries with Capiche as he was sitting at the control board.

“How goes it Jace?” He glanced up at me.

“Oh, you know, it’s going.” I ran my hand stiffly through my short hair. “Mind if I…?” I pointed towards the microphone button.

He shook his head without a second glance. “Go for it.”

I pressed the button for the microphone so I could communicate with Peyton inside the sound-proofed booth. “Hey babe.”

“How did it sound?” she asked, removing her headphones.

“You sounded amazing—what is the name of that one?”

She exited the booth. “It’s called ‘I’.”

“I could hear that on radio.” I kissed her cheek lightly.

“Seriously?” Her hazel eyes lit up big and bright.

“Seriously…you’re the next Rihanna.”

“Except I’m not exotic whatsoever!” she cried.

“You’re exotic to me.”

“Oh, come on, get a room!” Capiche finally spoke up. Honestly, I had forgotten he was still in the room.

“Same time tomorrow?” he addressed Peyton.

“Sounds good to me, see you tomorrow Chris!” She hugged him briefly then swooped her arm inside mine guiding us out of the building.

“Should I be jealous that you are spending so much time with him?” I asked, only halfway serious.

“Get real,” she cracked a smile.

“Good. Now come here,” I ordered as I pulled her into me and lowered my lips to hers.

“What do you want to get into now?” I asked her, my eyebrows wiggling. “You hungry?”

She looked back at me. “I’m starving!”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” I put my arm around her, leading her out to my car.

We ended up at one of our favorite authentic Mexican restaurants, Ole Ole and it was just our luck that our usual booth was vacant.

After our server brought chips, salsa, and beans to our table, and we began chowing down on them, I threw my arm around Peyton and pulled her closer into me.

Although we had the entire booth to ourselves and could sit across from one another, it had become routine for us to sit next to each other. We had been doing it since the first time we tried out the restaurant, and I liked the feeling of closeness.

I kissed her head lightly, breathing her in.

“You okay?” she asked.

I sighed. “Yeah, it’s just been a long day.”

“You want to talk about it?” She raised her chocolate eyes up to meet mine.

“Not really.” I shrugged it off, hoping she would change the subject. It didn’t take her long to catch on.

“So, I started writing a new song…”

“Oh yeah?” I raised my eyebrows. “What is it about?”

“About this guy I know.”

“Really?” I bit into another chip. “Anyone I might know?”

“Maybe…” She was being coy and mysterious and I liked it.

“Tell me about this guy.”

She dipped another chip into the beans and then shoveled it into her mouth before answering. “He’s funny and charismatic, handsome and charming.”

“Go on,” I urged her to continue.

“He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met before…one of a kind. Most of the time, I think I don’t deserve him.”

I loved everything she was saying until the last line. I hated when she began to doubt herself. “Look at me.” I tipped her chin gently toward me. “You deserve everything you have and more, and don’t you forget it.”

She smiled slightly blushing.

“So, when do I get to hear this song?” I asked, watching our server make her way back to our table.

“It’s not finished.”

“I want you to promise me that I will be the first person to hear it.” I kissed her softly on the nose then.

“Are you guys ready to order?” Our server appeared directly in front of us, politely smiling.

I glanced at Peyton quickly. “The usual?”

She nodded. “The usual.”

Three: A Hero’s Tale

“Jace.”

“Jace Austin.”

“Hello?”

Snap. Snap.

“So he finally graces us with his presence. Hello, did you hear a word I said?” Mrs. Montgomery was standing in front of my desk, and she wasn’t happy.

If I told her the truth that I had perfected how to sleep with my eyes open, I wasn’t sure if she would be angry or impressed, so I played along. “You are pairing us up with partners for the assignment.” Total guess, but I had remembered her mumbling something about it a couple of days ago.

“So you’re not a lost cause,” she said flashing me a smile. People let me slide on things all the time. I wasn’t sure if it was because they genuinely liked me or felt sorry for me.

“Felix Porter,” Mrs. Montgomery called out, turning her back to me and scanning the room. A guy in the very back stood up very slowly. He was wearing all black along with a trench coat and combat boots. He was widely known as the school’s outcast. “Take a seat next to Mr. Austin here.”

My eyes about bulged out of my head. There was nothing wrong with the guy, I’d just rather not bother with him.

He sulked his way loudly over to my desk, plopping down in the adjacent chair.

I nodded toward him, attempting to be civil, but he rolled his eyes and sank into his chair, looking away.

Having to be stuck with him in any capacity was not thrilling in the least. He appeared to be a loose cannon.

We were tasked with researching one major historical incident and doing a report on it. There would be poster boards, newspapers, magazines, and videos. The project was a pretty significant portion of our grade, unfortunately. Meaning, I couldn’t blow it.

Even though I would rather grind my teeth with rocks, I asked Felix if he could meet after school to go over our project. He hesitantly agreed after I promised to buy us pizza.

Because my house was off limits for a study session, Peyton allowed us to use hers. I was annoyed I had to study with he who shall not be named while Peyton was around. It was almost too distracting.

“So…” I began after the pizza had been delivered and we were both finished eating, “what incident were you wanting to write about?”

Felix shrugged, without a glance.

“Well I was thinking about the Martin Luther King speech—“

“I have a dream?” Felix asked through what appeared to be gritted teeth.

I nodded.

“Overdone.” He tossed it out without another thought.

“Okay then, tell me something better,” I tested him.

“Did you forget the Batman shooting in 2012?” Felix asked incredulously.

“Not exactly. That was a pretty sick and twisted thing the shooter did.”

“And wouldn’t it be fun to find out why?” His lips curled up into a mischievous smile.

“Now you seem like the sick and twisted one,” I cracked a smile.

We were finally getting along to some extent. If his idea for a project would keep him in good spirits, I was all down for it.

After we decided on the Aurora shooting in 2012 for our project and had mapped out how we planned to execute it, Felix headed home for the night and it was just Peyton and me alone in her house. Her parents were visiting Kayleigh in California, at her dorm.

“I don’t know how I feel about you two studying here again,” Peyton approached the topic lightly.

“Excuse me?” I basically choked on my surprise at her bluntness.

“It’s not you—“

“It’s me?” I cut her off, not able to feign a smile.

“Oh shut up,” she whispered, then threw her arms around my neck from behind my chair. She tilted my face up and lowered her lips to mine in a sweet kiss. “He gives me the heebie jeebies.”

“Oh, come on…he’s just socially awkward. He could use a friend.” I wasn’t sure why I was defending him, but I went with it.

“Really? Did you miss the part about how much ‘fun’ it was going to be to find out the killer’s motive?” She used air quotes at the mention of fun.

“You caught that…” I mumbled quietly.

“Caught it? It’s been playing on repeat on my head since he said it!” Peyton exclaimed.

“Come on babe, don’t be so dramatic. Like I said, he’s socially awkward. He isn’t such a bad guy—you should cut him some slack. Remember, innocent until proven guilty.”

“I still don’t trust him.” Peyton pulled out a chair at the table, taking a seat next to me.

“You don’t have to.”

“Let’s change the subject, I have goose bumps all over,” Peyton suggested, making me chuckle.

“How’s Brooklyn doing in Atlanta?” Peyton loved talking about her friends, so I figured it could help lighten the mood. “Is she enjoying it?”

“She loves it. Well, besides the weather which she says is like a sauna most days,” Peyton laughed. “She wants me to come visit.”

“You should. It would be nice to get out of Ohio for a bit and you know how much fun you two have together.”

“But you would be stuck here,” she pouted.

“Time apart isn’t always a bad thing…” I tucked a few strands of her long brown hair behind her ears.

She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. And there’s no way my parents would let me go for longer than a week.”

“Then it’s settled. Ask your parents. Brooklyn will be so excited to have you around, even if it’s just temporary.” If there was one person in the world Peyton loved more than me, it was her best friend. Those kinds of bonds were unbreakable.

Peyton pulled my chair out from the table and sat down on my lap. “How did I ever get so lucky?”

I shrugged smiling. “I don’t know. You must have won the boyfriend lottery or something.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she giggled, gleaming.

“I got you to smile though, didn’t I?”

She nodded. “I can’t help it when I’m with you.”

“Okay, who’s being the cheesy one now?” I stuck my tongue out at her. “Did you finish my song yet?”

“Who said I was writing a song about you?” Her silly expression gave her away.

I squeezed her sides playfully, making her jerk all over the place. “I’m going to keep tickling you until you tell me the truth.”

She was panting heavily, gasping for breath. “Okay! Okay! It’s almost done.”

“I wanna hear it.” I stopped tickling her.

“You will…when it’s finished.”

I scooped her up in my arms, causing her to squeal out in surprise.

“Where are you taking me?” she questioned, giggling.

“Your parents come home when?” I asked with her still suspended in the air.

“Tomorrow.”

“Then we have some trouble to get ourselves into tonight,” I replied, grinning mischievously as I carried her up the stairs.

*              *              *

I wasn’t sure why I took the west wing that day. It wasn’t my normal route and would only consume more time, but something pulled me there. I heard the loud commotion before I even rounded the corner.

“Serial killer!” a boy yelled.

“Murderer!” another boy chimed in.

I had had enough. I rounded the corner faster than my feet could manage and came face to face with a gang of guys surrounding Felix; bullying him.

“What’s going on here guys?” I chose my words carefully as I approached them slowly.

All of them turned around with the same look of disdain on their faces.

“Mind your own business,” one of the bullies ordered me.

“This is my business,” I replied, not holding back.

They were in my face in a flash, attempting to intimidate me, but I never flinched.

“Why are you defending this freak?” one of my peers asked me in a disgusted tone.

“Why are you playing the bully? It’s not a good look on you.” In the end I won because they left after a few choice words to the both of us.

“Why did you do that?” Felix asked me.

“Because what they were doing was wrong,” I answered the only way I knew how.

Felix still looked shocked. “Thank you.”

“No problem. You okay?” I handed him his backpack which was lying on the ground.

He nodded, his long dark hair bouncing with each nod. He took his backpack from me, dusting it off. “They’re not going to come back, you can leave now.”

Yep, definitely Felix. “Okay, see you after school right?”

He nodded without saying anything else.

I turned around and began to walk away. I was more than ten minutes late to my film acting class which I conveniently had with Peyton. I knew she was going to have questions.

I rushed to the east wing as quick as possible and made it to my class merely seventeen minutes late. Thankfully Mr. Hunt was a talker. Every class he would go into at least three extended monologues that took up significant parts of our class, but he knew what he was doing; it was intriguing.

Unfortunately because it was an audition day, Peyton and I didn’t have a chance to talk until the very end of class. I could tell she was upset with me; she was acting stiff and hardly looking me in the eye.

“Hey,” I said softly as she packed up her belongings at the end of class. “Are we okay?”

“I don’t know Jace…you tell me. I just can’t help but feel like you’re hiding something.” I couldn’t blame her—she was right, but I never planned to keep this from her.

“They had him cornered,” I said softly, making sure others couldn’t eavesdrop.

“Had who cornered Jace?” Peyton asked in a confused tone as we made our way to the entrance of the theater.

“Felix.”

“Felix Porter?”

Nod.

“Oh God, what did you do?” she cried, her eyes bulging out of her head.

“Why do you always assume the worst of me?” I joked. “I just stopped the madness.”

“Jace the hero. Definitely fitting,” Peyton smiled slightly. “So, do tell the hero’s tale.”

“They were bullying him and I stepped in, end of story.”

“Are you guys like friends now?” she asked in a distressed tone.

“I don’t know, but we’re definitely not enemies.”

“Great, you are frenemies…even better,” Peyton muttered under her breath as we continued walking.

Four: Confusion & Confessions

Something was up. Something was off. It had been a week since my last beating and unusually easy to come home as he’d been conveniently gone every night of the week. For someone so lazy, it was very unlike him. It could really only mean one thing—he found someone to pay for his addiction.

The thought angered me that he would put anyone else in jeopardy with his unhealthy lifestyle. The poor individual had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

After a week of the same suspicious activity, I skipped school solely on the hope that he would return home during that brief time slot. I had been right, although I hadn’t anticipated him bringing his new sugar mama.

I cracked my bedroom door open and pressed my ear up to it, straining to hear their conversation downstairs.

“So this is your home,” a female voice said.

“I told you darling, nothing special.” Frank sounded unusually…sober.

“No, I like it, very quaint. Is this your son?” My heart began doing double time as I was positive I had been caught. Only, they were still downstairs.

“Yeah, that’s my boy.” I heard my father’s voice again. Since when have I ever been his boy?

“What’s his name?” Curious one, she was.

“Jace.” Just hearing my father use my name was like a thousand metal rods through the heart; he didn’t deserve a son; especially not me.

Slowly, I began to shut my door, but one of my deadbolts came loose and rattled loudly.

My heart was in my throat as I raced against time to get to each and every lock.

“Jace, is that you?” My father’s voice carried from the downstairs. Again, oddly sober sounding. “I have someone I want to introduce you to.”

I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or hallucinating
—
, but my father was not trying to murder me. I wasn’t used to it.

Knock. Knock.

There were polite, friendly rasps at my door. I wasn’t prepared for any of it. I wasn’t sure what my father’s intentions were and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out.

“Jace,” the female’s voice sounded through from the other side of the door. “Your father has told me so much about you. Open up and let’s talk.”

I gulped, stalling. Is this a trap? Is he trying to lure me out so I’m easier prey? I was conflicted.

I opened my door slowly, without any more pauses, coming face to face with my cleaned up father and a middle-aged woman.

My father had swapped his disgusting and smelly threads for a blue button down and slacks. I hadn’t seen my father look so professional since I was fifteen.

The woman he was with was stunning for her age. Definitely a looker. As it turned out, she was half Mexican, half Italian. Her name was Samina.

I wasn’t sure how he did it, but without much effort I ended up seated at the dining table for dinner with the two.

“I hope you like spaghetti,” Samina smiled as she dished the pasta and passed around the plates.

I nodded as I grabbed my fork and began to dig in. If this was my last meal, it was well worth it. “It’s very good, thank you Samina.”

She took a seat at the table and then addressed me again. “So, what grade are you in, Jace?”

“I’m a senior.”

“Oh, wow,” she said sweetly. “A senior? Have you decided where you want to go to college?”

I knew she only meant well, but the college question could only disrupt the flow of the evening, so I avoided it entirely…which seemed to work in my favor. “So, what do you do Samina?”

“I’m an artist.”

“Oh, like you draw?” I asked, naively.

“More like I paint,” she giggled, looking over at my father. “That’s actually how your father and I met—at a craft store. I told him what paintbrush to buy.”

“Really?” I couldn’t hide my suspicion. Was he shopping for his next target there?

“Do you have any children?” I continued my digging.

“Yes, actually.” She put her fork down, her face brightening up. “I have a daughter. She’s around your age.”

“What’s her name, maybe I know her?” I asked curiously.

“Gia.”

My job seemed to be getting more complicated by the second. Originally, all I had to worry about was myself—now Samina and her daughter, Gia? My head was spinning. I wanted to tell them to run for the hills, that it was all an act, but I had no idea what to think.

*              *              *

After the odd and confusing dinner conversation I had with my father and his new love interest, I stealthily slipped out of the house unnoticed. I couldn’t bear to put up with his façade any longer and it pained me to see Samina buying into his every word. It was like she was manipulated by him to the highest degree. I was curious to how many nights they had spent together before he brought her home to our house.

It wasn’t difficult to decide where to head after I left. Peyton was working late in the studio with Capiche and I was able to slip in virtually unnoticed. She was sitting at the control panel, playing back what appeared to be a newly recorded track.

I didn’t want to listen

To anything they had to say

It’s my life-my choice

I’m gonna live it today

Nothing’s gonna stop me

I’ve waited too long

This world has changed me

Hear the message in this song

I’m so inexperienced, yet I’m so hungry

I’d drop everything to live my-my dream

I’m so close, yet I’m so-so-so far

Excuse me while I boost this car

I glanced over at Peyton amazed by her undeniable talents. I hadn’t even noticed Capiche in the recording booth—but his flow spoke all for himself.

Frozen, he’s jonesing

Explosions in his mind

He gots me choking

This reality he feeds

Is so-so atrocious

I don’t know, but know this

I blinded myself

From my true inner calling

Destruction in itself

Step it up, step it up

And trust your gut

You’ve got nothing else

I hit the microphone button once they stopped recording. “You guys are on fire. What are you on?”

“A lot of happiness man, and that’s for real,” Capiche answered before hanging up his headset.

Capiche was on the hunt for a poker tournament, so he quickly said his goodbyes. “You good to lock up?”

Peyton nodded at him as he walked away.

“So, how was your day? I noticed you were conveniently MIA at school today. You didn’t answer or return any of my texts or calls either—what’s up?” I caught the hostility in her voice.

“My father is what is up. It was like an episode of the Twilight Zone today. I don’t know what he’s up to, but I’m going to find out,” I vowed.

“Just be careful,” Peyton warned, her face crinkled with worry.

“Always am,” I lied, inching closer to her. I swiveled her chair around so she was now facing me and lowered my lips to hers in a short, sweet kiss. “How’s my song coming along?”

The look on her face gave her away.

“You finished it?” No one had ever written anything about me before. The idea that she went through all the trouble was fascinating.

She nodded, attempting but failing miserably at hiding her grin.

“I want to hear it,” I demanded.

“Now?”

“Now. I’ve been waiting forever!” Okay, to be fair, it had only been a week, but I was anxious.

“You’re making me nervous. What if you don’t like it?” Her hesitation was endearing.

“Not possible.”

She took a deep breath in, exhaling slowly. “Okay.”

She stood up and I took her place in the chair. She began wringing out her hands nervously and rubbing them up and down her jeans.

“Peyton, look at me, it’s just me. You have nothing to be nervous about. Imagine me naked if it helps.”

Her eyes bulged out of her head at my comment.

“Or not…” My cheeks grew red from embarrassment.

She began giggling, shifting the mood.

“Just remember…you asked for it,” she warned.

She took one more deep breath, closing her eyes before opening them again and beginning. “This is called ‘You’.”

Everything used to be so different before

Colorless, emotionless, I knew there had to be more

And then it all changed that fateful day

You walked into my life, there to stay

You changed my life in more ways than one

Changed my entire outlook before you were done

Showed me the light in the darkest night

You fought for me, showing me new heights

There’s no one in the world quite like you

You believe in everything that I do

You show me the beauty I hold inside

Dear boy, you are my light

I was ready to give up before I met you

I had nothing holding me back, nothing to look forward to

But you saw right through me and into my soul

You pieced me back together, you made me whole

It wasn’t always easy, but life never is

You showed me the possibilities and made me fight for it

You are the best decision I’ve ever made

With you, I’m no longer afraid

There’s no one in the world quite like you

You believe in everything that I do

You show me the beauty I hold inside

Dear boy, you are my light

There’s no one in the world quite like you

You believe in everything that I do

You show me the beauty I hold inside

Dear boy, you are my light

I wasn’t prepared for the emotions that overtook me as she sang a song she had clearly written for me and about me. No one had ever done anything that beautiful before. I didn’t say anything for a second, attempting to regain my bearings.

“You hated it…” Peyton’s face spread with worry.

I stood up quickly, taking her hands into mine, caressing them gently. “No one has ever done anything like that for me before.”

She exhaled a sigh of relief. “You liked it?”

“Liked it? I loved it.” I hugged her tightly, spinning her around.

“It’s still rough…”

“It’s perfect.” I rubbed my thumb gently across her cheek. “Now…tell me a secret,” I whispered seductively into Peyton’s ear, trailing her neck with my warm breath.

She paused slightly, in thought. “I may or may not admit to the obscene amount of sex dreams I’ve had about you!” As soon as she blurted it out, she turned red as a tomato, slapping her palm against her mouth.

To say Peyton was inexperienced was an understatement. I had almost been her first kiss, although during junior year someone beat me to the punch.

I found myself wondering if Peyton had ever watched porn…for education. You could say the curiosity was turning me on.

“Glad to know I’m in your dreams in any capacity,” I finally replied to her spout of truth. “Now, come here.” I pulled her into me, lowering my lips to hers again and again.

Five: Forbidden Feelings Surface

Before I had I thought I was in the Twilight Zone. Now I was positive of it. My father had suspiciously been on his best behavior for the past few weeks; staying unusually sober. I hadn’t stopped locking my five deadbolts at night, but there had definitely been a shift. Was it a miracle? No. Was it Samina? I wasn’t sure. But I was keeping a close eye on my father anticipating a slip-up.

He had been splitting his time between his new girlfriend’s residence and ours. My house was finally beginning to feel just like that; my house. A place I could come and go as I pleased. A place I could feel safe. I never let my guard down though.

Samina had mentioned her daughter Gia a few times when she was over and finally had decided it was time for us all to meet. Samina planned to cook for us all over at our house. Apparently I had been the topic of conversation in her household and Gia had been asking to meet me.

“Do you need any help with anything?” I approached Samina in the kitchen.

“Oh no, Jace, I have everything handled here, but if you could set the table, that would be wonderful.” She smiled warmly at me.

“It smells great!” I leaned over her shoulder attempting to catch a glance of what she was preparing. “What is it?”

“It’s an old family recipe. Now go set the table. Gia should be here any moment.”

“Yes ma’am,” I replied, opening up the cupboards and pulling out a stack of plates.

No more than twenty minutes later the doorbell rang. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I opened the door, but her luxurious long dark hair and big chocolate eyes held me captive for a moment too long. She couldn’t have been taller than 5’1”, but her beauty threw me off my game. She’s absolutely stunning…

“You must be Jace.” She smiled warmly at me, so many identical characteristics to her mother.

I nodded, swallowing deeply. “Gia?” I was not used to the debilitating effects she seemed to have on my body and my speech.

She chuckled looking down. “Did I come at a bad time?”

“No…no…everything is fine. Come on in.” I scooted over so she could enter.

My heart rate spiked; the hair all over my body standing on end as she brushed past me. What the hell is going on with me?

She glanced around, taking everything in. “Nice place.”

“Thanks,” I replied, rubbing my hand over my short hair.

“Gia, is that you sweetie?” Samina called from the kitchen.

“Si Madre.” Gia turned to me. “Hablas Espanol?”

I pinched my fingers closely together. “Un poquito.”

Her smile spread across her lips wider. “I think we are going to get along just fine.”

I couldn’t help returning her grin. “Come on.” I cocked my head towards the kitchen, then began leading Gia further inside my house.

I watched as Gia made her way straight to Samina and they embraced each other quickly. In those brief, short seconds I felt more love than I had ever known in my entire life. Frank had stopped acknowledging my presence in the past year and only recently decided I existed. I couldn’t remember the last time he had hugged me because he wanted to show me he cared about me, that he loved me.

My mother had always loved me, but she was not overly affectionate either. I could count the number of times on my hand that she had hugged me or kissed me.

“Go sit down, Mija.” Samina leaned down to kiss Gia’s head. “Jace, can you tell your father the food is ready?”

My eyes darted into the living room, where audible TV sounds had been coming from. I knew my father was in there seated in his recliner.

I made my way to the living room, towards the loud noise. “Oh you mother fucker,” I muttered under my breath as I raced towards my father’s limp body hunched over the side of the recliner. One hand was still gripping tightly to a bottle of whiskey.

I ripped the bottle out of his hand and placed it on the coffee table quickly. His eyes were rolled to the back of his head. I glanced back at the bottle. He had managed to down more than half of it, and considering the fact that he hadn’t been drinking continuously like normal, the amount he drank was affecting him more heavily.

“Come on,” I huffed, lifting his limp body up by slipping my arms underneath his armpits and dragging him. When I reached the bathroom, I threw him into the tub, watching him topple over. He was more than annihilated. I turned the silver knob, the showering springing to life.

“What the hell?” He jumped up the minute the cold water splashed his face, fuming.

“Why Frank? Why did you do it?”

“What the hell do you want?” he snarled at me through gritted teeth.

“Samina and her daughter are here, did you forget that little fact?”

It was small and I may have been imagining it, but I could’ve sworn I saw something flash across his eyes at the mention of Samina.

“Now pull yourself together and come to dinner…but for God’s sake Frank, sober up.” I turned to walk away.

“I know you think I’m a sorry excuse for a father.”

I turned around at the sound of his voice. “I’m sorry?”

“But I did the best I could do.”

I shook my head angrily. “No, you didn’t.”

“You needed to be taught a lesson,” he growled at me. “Always making the wrong choice—always choosing the bitches.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” This time I was the one who raised my voice, but when it came to people I cared about, I got protective.

“You chose that whore over me after the divorce. And then you chose that slut over your own flesh and blood.” He was wearing a look of absolute disgust on his face and it was aimed at me.

“You son of a…” I gritted my teeth, lunging for his neck.

“Look around you,” he whispered, my hands tightly wrapped around his neck. “Would you really want my blood on your hands…especially with the two witnesses downstairs?” He was trying to manipulate me…and it was working. I felt my fingers releasing almost instantly.

He rubbed his neck gingerly where my fingers had been; his skin a ghostly shade of white. “Sober up, Frank,” I said through a clenched jaw.

Turning on my heel I made it back downstairs but grabbed my coat off the coat rack.

“Going somewhere?” It was Gia, her chocolate brown eyes fixated on me, awaiting my answer.

“Actually, I’m going to have to ask for a rain check.” I shrugged awkwardly.

“What a bummer…I was excited to hear more about your story.” She smiled shyly.

“Maybe another time.” If my father made it downstairs before I left, I would never make it out of the house, so I hurriedly said my goodbyes and rushed to my car.

It was a Friday night and I found myself at Peyton’s house in no time after making a quick pit stop. She hadn’t been feeling well and had stayed home from school. Even though I managed to check in with texts I hadn’t been able to check in on her in person until now.

I was thankful to get out of my house. Between my father’s stupid decisions and Gia’s undeniable beauty I was having trouble thinking straight. This is so unlike you.

After knocking for only a brief second, Madison was staring back at me, her bright blue eyes telling her secret; I could tell she was relieved to see me. “Jace.”

“Madison.” I nodded my head towards her.

“Does this mean I’m off duty?” Her eyes were pleading with mine to say yes.

I chuckled. “I can take it from here soldier.”

“Thank you! Thank God!” She embraced me quickly then, reaching inside the doorway to grab her purse and jacket and then booking it out of the Lane household.

I was still chuckling to myself when I made it into Peyton’s bedroom. The lights were off and I could hear groaning.

I switched on the lights and Peyton weakly turned her face to look my way. Her hair was greasy and tangled; stuck to her forehead.

“You look like death,” I said softly, approaching her bedside.

“You’re so sweet.” At least I knew she hadn’t lost her sarcasm.

“Here.” I held up a big, brown paper bag.

“What is it?” she asked, rubbing the back of her hand across her forehead, leaving her bangs disheveled.

“Chicken noodle soup, vitamin c, cough drops, orange juice, and Nyquil.”

“Are you an angel?” she asked, blinking slowly.

I cracked a smile. “I just know how to beat a cold.”

“So how was your day today?” she asked, reaching into the bag.

“It was good. I went to school and it was an easy day. Then I met Felix at the library where we made a lot of progress on our project.” I had no intention whatsoever on bringing Gia up. I already felt guilty on the inside for the intense connection I felt to her. I barely knew her, and yet, she was one of the only people who had ever affected me that strongly. As exhilarating as those new feelings were, I loved Peyton and I had worked so hard to win her over, I wasn’t willing to do anything that might jeopardize our relationship.

“That’s great.” She was so weak her voice lacked enthusiasm. “Your father still acting suspicious?”

“Highly. I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him…but there is something about Samina. I think he cares for her.”

Peyton began eating the hot soup slowly; the smell wafting out of the small cup. “Mmm.” She let her head roll back as she savored the taste.

“So how long did you keep Madison locked up in here?” I joked, cracking a smile.

“What? What did she tell you?” Her eyes were wide; her mouth half full.

I laughed. “Peyton Renee Lane…”

Her cheeks grew hot as I emphasized her full name. “I couldn’t get ahold of you and I was scared of being alone when I felt so terrible.”

“How long?” I repeated the question again.

“Just since nine this morning.”

I glanced at my watch...7:13 p.m. “Damn, you really held her prisoner.”

“Oh, get out of here!” Peyton waved her hand at me, shooing me away, but she did it with a smile curling at the corners of her lips.

Even though she looked like she had crawled her way out of hell, Peyton always looked beautiful to me. I was happy for the distraction.

“How can you look like such a train wreck to the rest of the world, but so irresistible to me?” I asked, breaking into a wide grin.

“Wow, you are such a romantic…” Peyton rolled her eyes before an unsteady look took over her face. Quickly, she threw her hand over her mouth in an attempt to hold it together. “I’m going to be sick!” She barely got the words out before she raced off of her bed and into the adjoining bathroom, not bothering to close the door behind her.

I felt terrible for her. Even though being around someone puking was not ideal and quite nauseating, I had a strong stomach. Without waiting for any instruction for her, I joined Peyton in the bathroom, scooping up her long hair from her face and holding it back as she released the remnants of her unsettled stomach. “I should get a boyfriend of the year award for this,” I joked lightly from behind her.

Although she wasn’t facing me, I could still feel a smile playing across her lips. She ripped off a couple of squares of toilet paper, wiping her mouth. After flushing the toilet, she fell against the wall of the bathroom, weak and tired. “I feel terrible.”

“I know,” I replied in a soothing voice, rubbing her shoulder gently with my hand. “Is your stomach feeling settled? Did you want to get back into your bed?”

“I feel like World War III is happening in there,” Peyton said, closing her eyes lightly.

“I’m sorry babe.” Luckily for me, I rarely ever got sick, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t sympathize with her. “Here, let’s get you back into your bed.” I scooped up her weak frame and carried her the few feet to her full-sized bed, softly laying her down onto her pillows. “Do you want the covers on you?”

She shook her head yes as I pulled them over her body which was now facing away from me. I kissed the top of her head, turning to exit her room.

“Where are you going?” A small voice rose out of her, her body still facing the opposite direction.

“I’m not leaving, I promise. I’m going downstairs to get you a puke bowl.” See what I said? Best boyfriend ever…

Six: A Depressing Realization

My father had been on his best behavior ever since the night he had been caught red-handed. Too bad I wasn’t sure how long he could last this time. Samina and Gia had been spending more and more time over at our house and even staying the night a few nights a week.

Being around Gia left me feeling unstable; unsure of my actions. I wasn’t okay with that. Because of this, and the glaringly obvious sexual tension, I did my best to stay out of the house. I would leave early for school and return late around midnight every night as to avoid any complications or conflict.

I hadn’t anticipated leaving Peyton’s house so early tonight, I was just exhausted and wanted nothing more to be in my bed. As I was walking up the front steps I caught sight of what appeared to be Gia. She had a blanket wrapped around her and her long brown hair was cascading over her back. She was staring up into the sky as I approached.

“What are you doing out here?” I asked, softly, not wanting to draw any attention to our conversation by waking anyone.

She sighed loudly, running her fingers through her long hair. “I’m getting fresh air.”

I looked up around at the calm sky. The moon was sneaking up from behind some clouds. For a fall night, it wasn’t half bad. I breathed in deeply, enjoying the silent moment.

“Take a seat.” She motioned beside her.

Go inside Jace, apologize, and go inside.

My body wasn’t listening to my inner voice, and before I knew it, I found myself seated beside her.

Don’t do anything stupid.

My inner voice was getting a kick out of scolding me. “So…” I wasn’t sure what to say, I ended up trailing off, inhaling deeply.

“So…” She shifted her body toward mine, and it was the first time I could clearly see her reddened face. There was no denying that she had been crying.

“Are you okay?” I motioned with my finger toward her face.

A look of panic spread across her face before she tucked it into the blanket. “I’m fine.”

It had seemed like she had wanted me out there when she had asked me to sit, but there was a hell of a lot of silence, making me uncomfortable. “I’m going to go inside.” I began to stand up, when I felt her hand grab my arm, sending chills throughout my entire body.

“Please just sit here with me for a little longer. Please.” Her eyes had met mine and there was desperation playing across them. She looked timid and afraid. It was such a different look than I had come to expect from her. She carried herself with so much confidence and charisma, it was sad to see some of the light extinguished, even for a second.

I took my backpack off, setting it against the railing before rejoining her on the stairs. “So…those Tigers…” I made a reference to our pro football team.

Gia giggled, her face breaking out into the angelic smile I had grown so fond of. “It’s good to see that smile again. You had me worried there for a minute.”

I may have been wrong, but I could have sworn I saw her cheeks redden even more after my comment. “Thanks. I needed that.”

My curiosity was killing me. Why is she so upset? “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing Jace, I’m fine.” Gia brushed me off, once again.

But I couldn’t let it go that easily. “No, really. Is it Frank? Did he do something?” My heart began racing at the thought of it.

She grimaced, looking out at the sky again. “It’s nothing…it was probably my fault anyway.”

“Gia, if you don’t tell me what the hell happened tonight, I’m going to barge in there and beat the shit out of that bastard until he confesses. It won’t be pretty. So I would suggest you be honest with me right now.”  I couldn’t help it…I was fuming.

“He made a pass at me…” Gia said so softly I had to strain to hear every word.

“That son of a bitch…I’m going to—“

“No! You can’t. Promise me.” Her watery eyes were pleading with me. “He’s not the first one, and he definitely won’t be the last. No need to feel sorry for me.” She paused, taking a deep breath. “I haven’t seen my mother this happy in years. I can’t ruin everything for her.” She sighed. “Plus, it was probably just the alcohol talking.”

“What?” I barked, unintentionally.

“I saw him downstairs with a bottle of Don Juan.”

“That’s it,” I said angrily, jumping to my feet. “I’m going to kill him.”

“Jace, please!” Again, she pleaded with me. “I’m begging you.”

“This isn’t going to be the last of it Gia, and you know it. You and Samina are not safe.”

“I know you won’t let anything happen to me,” she said nonchalantly.

“How do you suppose that?”

“The way you looked at me the first time we met. The way you looked at me again tonight.”

My stomach dropped. Unfortunately, she’s right…

“I have a girlfriend,” I stated the obvious.

“And I don’t want to come between the two of you…although I feel like I might already have.” Gia sighed, her body trembling with the exhale of air.

I rubbed her back softly, without stopping to think about my action. “Are you okay?”

“It’s always the same…” she said, a bitter tone resonating off her syllables.

“What would that be?”

“I always mess something up with my mother’s relationships,” she sniffled.

“Always? Don’t you think you’re being just a bit too harsh on yourself?” I asked, reaching into my backpack and pulling out a tissue. “Here.”

“The last few made passes at me too. When I told my mom, they all denied it, but she always took my side. I saw how I shattered her happy little bubble every time. I can’t do it again, Jace…I can’t.”

“Gia, Frank is not a good guy…” I trailed off, looking away. “He’s a raging alcoholic. He is careless, thoughtless, and downright a menace when he is under the influence.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” she asked, her eyes widening.

Because I’ve been avoiding you? “I haven’t really seen much of you lately, and it didn’t feel like the right time.”

“Jace, my mother is too invested now…we’re too invested. What is going to happen?” she asked, a terrified look spreading across her face.

“I’m going to protect you Gia, and your mom. I won’t let anything happen to you.” I answered. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

*              *              *

After the night I found Gia on the porch, I searched my entire house thoroughly, throwing away every drop of alcohol I came across. All of his secret stashes had been trashed…too bad, so sad. I was tired of him ruining everything in his path. Samina and Gia were good people and they didn’t deserve anything he dealt their way.

He was sober—or he was getting good at hiding it-one or the other, but I was thankful for the shift, once again. Things had returned to normal, or as normal as they could be.

Peyton’s band, A Change in Time, were having somewhat of a reunion show as all the members were back in town for the holiday. Thanksgiving always brought people together. A new development I had only recently heard of was DarienMae taking part in the show. Colton Lee had been Peyton’s first kiss…something I attempted not to think about.

I arrived to the show early to spend a little time with Peyton before her band needed to sound check. “So, when were you planning on telling me he was going to be here?”

She gave me a look that could make me forget why I was even mad at her in the first place. “I just found out. How do you think I feel about this?”

She was right. I had jumped to conclusions and not taken her feelings into account. “Are you okay?”

She nodded. “I let go of Colton a long time ago. I just think it will be weird to see him again.” It had been five months since the two had been in the same room together.

“Well, I’m here if you need me,” I offered.

She turned around in her dressing room chair. “And that’s why I love you.”

I smiled. I wanted to say it back, but I was hiding things from her…feelings I couldn’t understand or define were swirling around inside me. “You too.” I kissed her on the top of her head then.

I loved Peyton. There was no question in my mind about it, but I felt guilty. I didn’t feel worthy of her love. “There’s something I need…” I began, but was interrupted by the arrival of Brooklyn, Madison, and Noah.

Noah. I had forgotten about Noah. My stomached churned.

“Peyton!” Brooklyn squealed practically toppling my girlfriend over. Madison bounced on top of them.

“Hey slugger.” Noah punched me in the arm awkwardly.

Slugger? This was going to be a long night…

“Noah.” I acknowledged him with a nod.

“Good to see you and Peyton are still together.”

“Of course we are—why wouldn’t we be?” I asked in a defensive tone.

“Whoa, I come in peace man.” Noah laughed, slapping me on the back and then heading towards Peyton.

“Jace!” Brooklyn embraced me before I had time to comprehend what was going on.

“Brooklyn.” I smiled. “It’s good to see you. How is Atlanta?”

“Don’t even get me started!” She giggled at her own joke. “I’m never coming back.”

“That’s awesome. I’m happy for you.”

“How’s senior year? Peyton giving you hell?” Brooklyn cracked a smile.

“Always. You have no idea,” I joked, nudging Brooklyn with my elbow. “I bet you’re happy to be reunited with your musketeers.”

She nodded, looking sad, but only for an instant. “I really miss Peyton and Madison.”

“They really miss you,” I reassured her. “Well I am going to let you guys get ready. Good luck tonight.”

As I made my way out of the backstage area I glanced back at Peyton, in her element, surrounded by her friends, and smiled. I just wanted her to be happy.

“Jace,” I heard someone speak my name with enough tension to shatter all the mirrors in the dressing room. It was Colton entering with his band in tow.

“Colton.” I nodded back at him, stiffly. I could see Peyton watching our every move. “Good luck tonight man.” I slapped him on the shoulder and then headed out of the room.

I had a lot on the brain…my disdain for both Noah and Colton, my unwanted feelings towards Gia and the fact that I was still lying to her. It was all eating away at me slowly. Eventually I was going to have to come to terms with all of it and I was terrified to consider the possibilities.

Seven: Breaking News & Breaking Hearts

My attempts at avoiding Gia were becoming more difficult as the days and weeks passed. Along with her mother, she had been spending endless amounts of hours over at our house. As much as I wanted to be able to simply ignore it all, I couldn’t. I couldn’t ignore her.

Seeing her on my porch became a regular for me; my heart skipping a beat each and every time. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get used to the feeling or if eventually it would simply fade away. So far, my wildly beating heart had only become more ferocious. Hiding out at Peyton’s house on a daily basis had become almost too suspicious. Yes we were dating, yes I loved her, but I already saw her at school most of the day, and throw in after school; we became almost attached at the hip.

When her parents finally began to speak up on my increasing appearances, I decided I had to suck it up and start going home after school. I needed to learn how to be around Gia without wanting her; without every follicle of my skin yearning for her.

When I made it home, she was not on the porch like I had expected, but instead seated inside at the kitchen table. She had helped herself to a heaping bowl of cereal and it was unnervingly quiet. “Where is everyone?” I asked as I walked in, immediately heading toward the fridge.

I glanced back just in time to catch her shrug slightly. “I don’t know. I’ve been here for less than twenty minutes and no one was here.”

It might have seemed strange to anyone else coming home to this, but Samina and Gia had become regulars. They spent more time at my own house than I did.

“Hmmm.” I shifted my attention back to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water from inside.

I had homework to do, but suddenly I couldn’t remember a single assignment that was due. Against my better judgment, I pulled up a seat next to her, dropping my backpack at my feet. “Are you not planning on eating dinner?”

She looked up at me through bites, shaking her head back and forth. “I’ll be hungry again in a couple of hours.”

I chuckled at the thought of her tiny frame being able to hold so much food. “Are you a bottomless pit?”

She broke out into a wide grin. “Something like that.”

Her phone began to vibrate wildly from the table and I watched as she silenced it without bothering to see who it was. “You’re not going to get that?”

She looked completely unfazed. “It’s just Kellan.”

I had never met any of Gia’s friends so the name meant next to nothing to me. “Kellan?”

“Just a friend who wants to be more than friends…” she trailed off, averting eye contact with me.

“Is that a crime?” I asked, without realizing how she might misconstrue my question.

“No…” She looked down, finishing her last bite of cereal. “He’s persistent…and I’m…”

“Not interested?” I finished her statement for her.

She nodded lightly. “I’m interested in someone else.”

“Then why don’t you tell Kellan the truth?”

She paused, seemingly contemplating her answer before standing up and heading to the sink with her bowl and spoon. As the water began to run onto the dishes, she finally responded. “Because, if I tell him the truth, I may never get another chance.”

“Do you like him?” I asked, confused when I felt a pang in my chest. Why does it even matter? You’re dating Peyton.

“I don’t know.” She turned around to face me again. “I could…”

“What about the guy you are interested in? Is he interested in you?” I wasn’t sure why I continued to press, but something inside of me, deep down, had to know the answer.

“It’s complicated,” she sighed, looking down.

“How complicated can it be? If you like someone and you want to be with them, you should go for it.”

“The guy I like…he has a girlfriend, and they’re pretty serious. I’m not a home wrecker.” The minute the words left her mouth, my stomach was in knots. How did I miss this? She was talking about me and my relationship with Peyton.

I swallowed loudly, attempting to buy some time to come up with a good response. “I have homework I need to do.” I didn’t bother waiting for her to reply before scooping up my backpack and quickly rushing out of the kitchen.

“Jace!” I heard her call after me. I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t look back. If I did, I could lose everything. So I continued walking away from her calls. Away from her gorgeous smile and shiny dark locks.

*              *              *

Thanksgiving break had come and gone; a brief fleeting time away from school for all my peers and me. I had spent the majority of the break at Peyton’s house with her family, but surprisingly, I had split my time between my house and hers on the actual holiday. It did cause suspicion from my girlfriend who hounded me for days about how I had been able to survive the holiday alongside my terrible father. I hadn’t told her yet that Samina and Gia had also spent it with us, that they were the reason for his shift in attitude. I planned to tell her, I just wasn’t sure how to approach the subject.

When I left for school, my first day back after break, I hadn’t anticipated getting into a confrontation that would land me in the principal’s office, but alas that’s where I was. Why? Because at lunch I had watched Chris Fields pour his yogurt onto Felix’s head in front of the entire school.

I didn’t condone bullying, never had, and even though Chris and I went way back, I made him apologize to Felix in front of the entire school; in essence, humiliating him. I didn’t expect him to knee me in the groin.

Felix was waiting to speak to the Principal as I walked out of her office, we exchanged sly grins.

“He’s free!” Peyton came clapping up to me as I exited the office and into the hall.

I grinned back at her. “You are so weird.”

“Oh, shut up!” She ruffled my hair, then looped her arm around mine. “So, what’s the damage?”

“I told the truth, so Principal Turner let me off the hook,” I replied, leading us towards my locker.

“Good.” Peyton sighed. “You did the right thing back there, you know that, right?”

I shrugged. “You know more than anyone how much I hate confrontation. I just couldn’t stand back any longer and watch them torment him. I can’t.”

“I wouldn’t expect any less of you,” Peyton murmured. “You’re the real deal. You’re everyone’s hero.”

Peyton was always referring to me as a hero, but in all honesty, I was just a guy doing what I thought was right; following my gut. That didn’t make me any better of a person than the next. I just held more gumption to follow my urges.

Speaking of urges…

“Peyton.” I stopped walking abruptly, shifting my eyes towards her. “We need to talk.” I wasn’t sure it was the right time, but I had been avoiding the topic for weeks now and it had only left me feeling guiltier by the day. I hated keeping things from her. As much as I worried about hurting her, she deserved the truth.

Her face read the panic I expected she would display. “Oh, o-okay,” she stammered, even tripping over her own foot, I had to catch her.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked, worried, as I held her in my arms.

“I’m fine,” she replied in a cool, icy tone, instantly standing back up.

“Can we go somewhere?” I looked around at the few remaining peers who were still roaming the halls.

She shrugged with a heavy sigh.

Eventually we made it outside to a set of bleachers overlooking the barren baseball field.

Just as her butt hit the hard surface she jumped back up again, startling me. “I can’t do this.”

“What?” I asked, puzzled.

“This.” She pointed at me. “If you are planning on breaking up with me, consider yourself off the hook. I’d rather not go through all the gory details.”

She was already to the edge of the bleachers, about to jump down when I grabbed her arm. “No one said anything about breaking up.”

The moment the words were out of my mouth I saw relief flood her eyes. “You jerk!” She pushed me playfully.

“What did I do?”

“You said the famous break-up words with nothing else to put me at ease, leading me to believe you were going to dump me like yesterday’s trash!”

I loved how worked up she could get over the tiniest of things. I thought it brought out her inner passion. I didn’t want to break-up with her…not even a little bit.

Unfortunately, I still had to break the news to her and I wasn’t sure it was going to be any easier to take than a break-up…it was almost more personal.

“Come here.” I led her back to the middle of the bleachers where we both sat. I held both of her hands in mine, hoping it would help her remain calm.

The scared, confused look she was giving me could break any guy. “Peyton, I haven’t been a hundred percent honest with you lately.”

Her eyes grew wide with anticipation and fear.

“It’s not that I’ve lied…I just haven’t told you everything.”

“What are you trying to say Jace?” Her voice was shaking, it was breaking my heart.

“You know how I’ve been telling you my dad has been eerily better lately? It’s because he met someone.” Peyton stared back at me, confused.

“Her name is Samina, and she’s great. She really is. I can see the effect she has on him. She has a daughter too, Gia.” My heart was racing with anticipation as I went on.

Peyton nodded, remaining silent, allowing me to continue without interruption. “Samina and Gia have been staying over…a lot.”

Suddenly, Peyton’s confusion seemed to turn to anger. “How old is Gia?”

“Sixteen.”

“So another girl around our age has been practically living in your house with you and you didn’t think it was important to tell me? You always told me I wasn’t safe at your house.  You won’t even let me within a block of that place. But you have other people living there with you; don’t you worry about their safety?” She was asking valid questions.

“Yes, of course…I worry all the God damn time.” I sighed loudly. “Peyton, I’m doing the best that I can.”

“Do you like her?” Peyton asked, point blank.

“What?” I had heard her perfectly clear, but I was trying to buy time to contemplate my answer. Her question had blind-sided me. Telling Peyton that Gia made every fiber of my being vibrate from my head to my toes would only hurt her. Peyton meant the world to me, but the feelings I had for Gia were strong and unfamiliar.

“Oh my God.” Peyton’s hand shot up over her mouth. Tears were already beginning to form at the corner of her eyes. My stomach was churning. “You like her…”

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I don’t know how I feel. It’s complicated.”

“Do you love me?” Peyton choked on her words. It was tearing me apart to see.

I slid closer to her, running my hands through her hair gently. “Of course I love you. That is one thing I am not confused about.”

“Where does this leave us?” Peyton asked, with staggered breaths.

I wanted to tell her that this didn’t change anything. That we could simply go back to the way things were and forget that I admitted my attraction, but, something inside my gut told me it wasn’t going to be that easy.

“I need some time,” I finally spoke after what felt like an eternity of silence.

“So you’re breaking up with me,” she cried, tears spilling down her face.

“We are taking a break—that’s it. Couples do it all the time, it’s healthy and to be expected.” I was keeping myself together for Peyton. If I lost it, she would know that I doubted this entire plan…that I wanted to say fuck it and tell her I made a mistake.

I had to know. I had to find out why I had such a magnetic pull to Gia. I had felt something similar with Peyton, but not to the degree I had felt it with Gia. I was curious as to why that was.

I couldn’t admit that eighty five percent of me thought I was making the biggest mistake in the world, giving up a life with Peyton to explore the possibilities of Gia and me. It was something that could haunt me for eternity.

No more what ifs.

Eight: Danger Jace Austin, Danger.

A break didn’t mean I actually had time away from her, seeing as we had two classes together and saw one another each and every day. We used to sit together, but Peyton made it glaringly obvious she wanted nothing to do with me. I doubted myself—I doubted my feelings for Gia. Every day I had to be near Peyton, but not with her or a part of her world, was gut wrenching. I knew I brought this on myself, but it wasn’t fair to Peyton and I intended on getting some answers.

The light that had burned so bright inside Peyton had dimmed and it was all because of me. It was heartbreaking to see how much I had hurt her. It was heartbreaking to see her sad stares and glossy eyes, knowing I was the one to cause all of it. I had always vowed to protect her—and instead I did the complete opposite. What a wonderful human being I was…

To make matters worse; Peyton was avoiding me today. Today of all days…she was amazing with dates. There was no way it would have slipped her mind. The sad part about it? It was what I had come to expect on this date. For most people, it would be a day of celebration. For me, it was just another day.

Samina and Gia had been spending copious amounts of time over at our house that when I finally arrived at home after the long school day I wasn’t surprised to see suitcases in the entryway.

“What’s going on here?” I asked, even though I already knew what was coming.

My father was sitting in his favorite recliner and Gia and Samina on the couch; as though they were waiting for me.

“You want to take a seat?” My father asked.

“No, I’m fine,” I replied stiffly, crossing my arms in front of me.

“Jace, Gia and Samina are going to be moving in here with us. They already spend so much time over here, we might as well make it official.” It really didn’t matter what I said because it was happening one way or another. Peyton is not going to be happy about this.

I shrugged. “Whatever.” And then turned around, beginning to head back up the stairs.

“You better drop that attitude boy, if you know what’s good for you!” My father bellowed behind me. He hadn’t physically harmed me in close to two months, but I hadn’t let my guard down even for a second.

I made it up to my room and locked my slew of deadbolts, heaving myself onto my bed. It had been a really difficult day on me. Peyton had remained as cold as ice, and to top it all off, on my way out to my car I saw someone pick her up in their truck and drive away. That someone was Noah.

A knocking at my door pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Who is it?” I yelled, not bothering to lift my head from my covers.

“Gia.” I froze when I heard her high-pitched voice. My heartbeat steadily increasing as I sat up slowly, and then made my way towards my door.

After I finished unlocking the last lock, I opened the door just enough to peek out, not allowing her access inside.

“Hey, what’s up?” I asked, nonchalantly.

“Hey, are you mad at me or something? You’ve been acting strange all day.” She sighed, crossing her arms across her chest. “Look, this wasn’t my idea, you have to believe that.”

“I do.”

I still couldn’t put my finger on what it was when it came to Gia, but it was as if I couldn’t think straight when I was around her.

“Are you and Peyton okay?” I winced at the sound of her name.

“Peyton and I broke up,” I answered stiffly.

“Oh.” Embarrassment was flooding her cheeks. “Why?”

“I asked for some time,” I replied.

“To do what?” she pressed, her lips pursing.

“To figure out what I want.” It didn’t seem as though she was going anywhere anytime soon so I released my door and retreated back into my dark room, throwing myself back onto my bed.

I wasn’t surprised when I heard her light footsteps behind me, and then the soft closing of my door.

“What are you doing?” I asked as she climbed onto the bed next to me.

“Frank muttered something the other night about your birthday. Is it coming up?” Gia asked, her eyes engaging me.

I shrugged, closing my eyes again and throwing my arm over them. “I don’t really celebrate my birthday anymore.”

“Why not?” she pressed. I was not going to be able to get rid of her as easily as I had hoped.

“Because, it’s just another day.” I sighed.

“That’s not true…” I felt my arm being removed from my face. “When is your birthday Jace?”

Sighing loudly, yet again, I finally gave Gia the answer she was waiting on. “Today. My birthday is today…there, you happy?”

Now that my eyes were open I could see the pain behind hers. “No,” she shook her head. She reached for my arm, attempting to pull me up.

“What are you doing?” I asked again, frustration building up inside me.

“Getting you out of this house. You’re in desperate need of a distraction.” I was surprised. She was the last person in the world I would have expected to be spending my birthday with.

Even though she was frustrating me, I found myself intrigued. My birthday had been absolute torture having to spend all day at school watching Peyton avoid and ignore me. I hadn’t expected much out of the day, but I found myself welcoming the distraction. “Where are we going?”

“How would you like to spend the remainder of your birthday?” she asked.

“I have been wanting to check out the Hot Springs everyone has been talking about,” I admitted. Prior to me blowing up my relationship with Peyton, I had planned to spend my birthday there with her. Taking Gia was probably not the best decision, but I wasn’t thinking clearly anymore.

“Let’s go!” Gia jumped up from the bed, clapping her hands together. “I’ll go grab my swimsuit and meet you back here in five.”

I didn’t have time to respond before she bounced out of my room happily.

This could be bad…

*              *              *

The trip to the Hot Springs was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, minus my irregular beating heart and clammy hands. I hated that I reacted that way after seeing Gia in her swimsuit. I was angry that it turned me on.

We kept the conversation light and instead of making things awkward, we enjoyed each other’s company. It was a nice feeling to know someone cared enough about me to ensure I had a good birthday. My feelings were still hurt that I hadn’t heard from Peyton once, but I understood that I was the sole reason for that.

Even though we kept our obvious attraction to one another under wraps, I found myself enjoying our conversations. I found myself cracking more jokes than usual just to be able to see her flawless smile and the twinkle in her dark brown eyes. I admired the way the moon glistened off her long, shiny, dark hair.

During the drive home it was obvious that the tension and attraction between us was growing. I wasn’t sure how she felt about it, but on my end, I felt extremely guilty, so I drove the entire way back home in silence. When we finally walked into the house, I slowly made my way up the staircase to my room.

I hadn’t heard her behind me. In fact, I almost shut the door right in her face. “Are you crazy? I almost reamed you in the face with my door.”

Gia looked unfazed. Now back into her jeans and winter coat, she still looked as stunning as ever. “We need to talk.”

“Gia—I just want to spend the rest of my birthday sleeping…is that cool with you?” I asked as I pulled my sweatshirt off my head. My shirt lifted up a bit when I did so and I followed Gia’s eyes to my exposed skin; the hairs on my body standing on end.

I honestly was not trying to be a dick, but it was the only way I knew of to push her away before she got any closer. My head was screaming ‘danger Jace Austin, danger!’

She nodded without responding, then removed her own big winter jacket and closed the space between us.

“Happy birthday Jace,” she murmured, standing much too close for my liking.

My heart began racing, my breath stilted. I swallowed loudly as her hand grazed mine. The volts of electricity were undeniable.

I averted my eyes; I had never felt guiltier or more intrigued in my entire life. I just wanted to be able to forget the shift that had taken place tonight, but the tension was nearly unbearable. I walked away from her and climbed onto my bed, lying down.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that Gia had followed suit and was now eerily close to me on the bed. I even felt her head as it rested on my chest. After what felt like an eternity of my heart racing from the closeness, she spoke.

“Jace?” Gia asked in a whisper.

“I’m still awake Gia.” I opened my eyes. “You don’t have to whisper.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What could you possibly be sorry for?” I asked incredulously.

“For breaking you and Peyton up.” She had sat up and was looking down into her lap.

“Hey.” I touched her shoulder softly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Maybe…maybe not, but you were happy before I entered your life and now you’re sad and it’s all my fault.” Gia’s face was stricken with guilt.

“Listen to me, and listen to me very carefully,” I said as I sat upright. “I told Peyton that I had feelings for you…I was the reason for our break up.”

Gia’s eyes grew wide and then a subtle smile spread across her lips.

“So where does this leave you and Peyton?” She was asking a very valid question—one I didn’t have the answer to.

“I don’t know.”

“Where does this leave you and me?” she asked the second most important question.

“I don’t know.” I repeated the same answer as before.

She laid back down closing her eyes.

“That’s it? You’re done drilling me?” I joked.

She opened her eyes, staring back at me. “I get to be with you here—so I am living in the now.”

“Good point.” I laid down next to her, taking her hand in mine.

“What are you doing?” She wasn’t expecting me to be so bold.

“I’m taking charge—living in the now.” I wasn’t thinking for once—and it was terrifying.

*              *              *

It was the third week of December and school had been snowed out. Most businesses were also closed due to the weather. Peyton and I had been on a break for nearly two weeks. It was still extremely painful to see her, to not be able to talk to her. It didn’t help that I had caught her climbing into Noah’s car not once during the week, but multiple times. Knowing how strongly his feelings had been for her previously, I wouldn’t put it past him to make a move. If Peyton gave Noah a chance I wasn’t sure she would ever come back for me. It was a scary feeling.

And then there was my relationship with Gia. We had been sleeping in the same bed since my birthday. She came tapping at my door at 2:00, one morning, and I preemptively left my door open following that. Just like clockwork I would wake up with a stir from her climbing in next to me. I wasn’t sure why she did it, and I wasn’t sure why I allowed it, but being around Gia usually rendered me close to useless.

I still felt guilty as hell. I was living and sleeping next to Gia and having countless dreams and nightmares about Peyton. It was my punishment for giving away something so great, to explore the possibility of something even better. The more days I spent apart from Peyton, the closer Gia and I grew. She was not a rebound to me. If anything were to happen with Gia it was going to happen organically, naturally.

Neither one of us had reached out to the other in weeks, but something came over me and I found myself texting Peyton.

I hope you are enjoying the snow. Don’t forget to play. A long time ago Peyton had told me how much she missed the snow and how it reminded her of her childhood and good times with Kayleigh. She had confided in me that she felt like snow brought people together. Peyton vowed the next time it snowed that she was going to remember to play in it—to savor the memories.

I miss you. Seconds later she had responded. My heart was in my stomach.

You have no idea how much I miss you. I typed back without being able to stop myself.

What are we doing Jace?

I don’t know. I’m taking my time—trying not to make any mistakes. I was putting myself first for once, and as much as it sucked to be away from Peyton—it was necessary.

Happy belated birthday, I hope you enjoyed yourself. There it was…the text that made me feel like the biggest jerk in the entire world. If Peyton even had an inkling that I spent my birthday with Gia, she would be torn up about it. I couldn’t bear to text her back after that. I felt like too much of a terrible person. I didn’t deserve her and I wasn’t even sure I deserved Gia. I had put myself in one hell of a predicament. But one thing I was sure of? I was making the decision for me.

Nine: A Harsh Reality

Something felt different today when I walked to school. My car wouldn’t start, my chest felt tight, something felt off. They always talk about women’s intuition, but what about intuition in general? When the first loud bang pierced through the air, I couldn’t think straight.

I didn’t know what was happening, but the screams and chaos had my feet moving without instruction from my brain. I couldn’t speak; a mute; running out of fear with the rest of my peers. With each gunshot my blood ran cold.

My eyes felt like they couldn’t adjust. I was blinking rapidly attempting to clear my vision. I hadn’t even realized I was crying. It all happened so fast. One second I was on a bathroom break from my fourth period class and then…

My mind was racing a mile a minute. Kids and teachers were shouting from every direction to get inside the classrooms and lock the doors. There was only one thought running through my mind on repeat. It was louder than my surrounding chaos.

Find Peyton.

The shots were closing in. It had all began less than five minutes ago when I heard the first round of shots go off. I was frozen with fear, unsure of what was coming. And then her face flashed across my mind…all I could think of was finding her and getting her out of the school safely.

I ran towards her math class, still hearing shots ring through every couple of minutes and the accompanying screams. It was making me nauseous. Who is doing this? Who would attack a school of teenagers and students? Only a sick person…

Thank God I knew every single class Peyton had this term as we chose our schedules together. If anything happened to her, I would never be able to forgive myself. My heart was racing as I realized that this was the moment of truth.

As I raced frantically towards the direction of her classroom, I pulled out my phone hastily, dialing 911. I didn’t have time to deal with the pleasantries or explain what the hell was going on, so I stuffed the phone in my pocket while it was still dialing, knowing full well the call could be traced.

I attempted to rip open the door of her classroom, but was surprised when it was locked. I pounded frantically on the glass window, screaming out her name, “Peyton!”

The gunshots were nearing and I was watching as a stampede of my peers pounded the hard floor past me. Some of them even gave me looks of shock and surprise that I wasn’t running the opposite way of the gunshots, but I had my feet planted firmly, waiting for them to open the door. I’m not going anywhere without her.

Finally, someone opened the door and allowed me access, only to lock it quickly behind me. I scanned the room desperately looking for her familiar eyes. My heart fluttered as we locked eyes. She’s alive.

I ran to her quickly, throwing my arms around her tightly. “Are you okay?”

She was gripping my collar so firmly, I knew she had been just as worried about me as I had been about her.

“Jace, what is going on?” Peyton was shaking ferociously from fear, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“There’s a shooter in the school.”  Remembering my phone was still in my pocket, I reached for it quickly, pressing it up to my ear. The operator was there now. “Hello?”

“911, what is the nature of your emergency?” The operator spoke as if she hadn’t been waiting for nearly two minutes for a response.

I cupped my hand over the receiver to muffle my voice. Even though it was loud, I wasn’t sure what the shooter could hear. “Yes, my name is Jace Austin, I go to Westview High, and there is a shooter in the school,” I spoke fast, unsure of how much time we had remaining.

The shots were undeniably closer now and terror began to spill through my peers as the shooter’s footsteps became audible.

I turned around to face Peyton; her eyes wide as saucers. Without bothering to go into any more detail, I let the operator know I needed to get off the phone—the shooter was closing in. Instead of allowing me to hang up, she asked me to stay on the line with her until the authorities showed up. The only way to do so was to place the phone back into my pocket…so that’s exactly what I did.

I turned to look at Peyton, tipping her chin up so her eyes locked with mine. “God, I am so, so sorry Peyton.”

“Jace,” she whimpered, tears pouring down her face.

“I really fucked up…” I tucked a stray hair behind her ear soothingly, attempting to keep her calm. “I love you,” I whispered.

Her facial expression was a mix of relief and sheer terror.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.” I kissed her passionately then. It was the least I could do after everything I had put her through recently.

“I love you,” she said in a trembling, quiet voice.

“Come on.” I grabbed her hand and led her to the back of the classroom where we crouched down behind the desks.

We heard the rough jiggling of the door handle and then a shot to break open the door. My heart was beating ferociously against my ribcage. I was crouched down with my arms tightly around Peyton.

“No, no please!”

Shot.

“Why are you doing this?”

Shot.

“The police will be here any minute. You’re going to be dead anyways.”

Shot.

I could feel Peyton’s heart beating against my own. Between the two of us, I don’t know that we had ever experienced more fear than in that very moment.

I hadn’t realized how tightly I had been squeezing my eyes shut until I heard the cock of the gun right in front of my face. My eyes flew open and I looked to see if Peyton was okay and still next to me. She was, but she was frozen in fear, pale white.

Why hadn’t they shot?

The gunman paused for just a moment before speaking, “Jace?”

Oh God, why hadn’t I noticed? How had I missed this?

I swallowed loudly, the gun was still loaded and pointed directly at me.

His combat boots and trench coat should have been a dead giveaway but the mask coupled with my frenzy over the current situation, I could understand why I didn’t see it before.

“Get out of here, Jace,” Felix hissed, pointing the gun towards the exit.

I stood up quickly, pulling Peyton right along with me. I stood in front of her, making sure his gun was nowhere near her. “Felix, you don’t have to do this.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jace, and get out!” he bellowed in a murderous tone.

It couldn’t be much longer until the police arrived. If I could just distract him long enough to get them inside this would all be over. He had to have released at least sixty shots. How many more people needed to die?

“Look, I don’t blame you,” I talked fast, unsure of how thin his patience was running with me. “You want revenge for what they did to you? I get it, Felix. But this, this isn’t what you really want, is it?”

“Well, I gave you two chances Jace, this is your third,” Felix said and then pulled another peer up by her long blond hair. She was wriggling around in an attempt fight him off, screaming and crying hysterically. He lifted the gun to her temple. Her blue eyes were wide with fear.

“Please…” she was begging for her life. The sight was near nauseating.

“One,” he began counting.

“Please don’t do this!” The girl was screaming, knowing her odds were slim.

“Two,” he continued and I slowly began to make my way towards the exit with Peyton in tow.

“Stop right there!” My hand squeezed around Peyton’s wrist. Even though Felix felt as though he owed me something, there was no way in hell he felt the same about Peyton. She was just another peer who had wronged him.

“I only granted you permission to go.” Felix inched closer.

I pulled Peyton in tighter behind my back. “If you care about me at all man, you will let us walk out of here.”

“Three!” Felix screamed and then proceeded to shoot the blond in the head.

“Run!” I ordered Peyton, but I cried out when I realized he had tried to shot me in the foot. The bullet grazed my shoe, missing my toe by inches.

From there, nothing mattered anymore. He had the gun raised at Peyton and all I saw was red. I tackled him, taking us both roughly to the ground. I was wrestling him for the gun, attempting to buy Peyton enough time to get out. Only a few seconds passed before a gunshot pierced my ears. And then it all stopped.

Ten: In the Mourning

I had been squeezing my eyes so tightly shut that I hadn’t realized I was still alive and unharmed. I looked up quickly and Felix was wearing an odd expression. Almost as if he was registering what had just taken place. He looked down slowly towards his abdomen where blood was gushing rapidly from his wound. Only he was still holding the gun, and it was still pointed at me.

His hand automatically went up to cover his wound and he ended up dropping the gun to the ground. As he fell to his knees, I realized just how lucky I’d been. The police had made it there right in the nick of time. I gasped, my shoulders dropping heavily; relieved it was all over. Glancing around at my surroundings made me angry and nauseous all over again.

I peeked down at Felix’s limp body, the officers now surrounding it. I thought I was going to be sick. How many parents are going to have to find out they lost a child today? How many teachers risked their lives for the students inside?

Thirteen minutes. That’s how long it took the police to arrive. Thirteen minutes, seventy three victims, fourteen injured, nine hundred eighty three scarred witnesses. Thirteen minutes was all it took for everything to change forever.

I thought he was my friend. I thought my presence in his life was for the better…it was sickening to think I had been so wrong. Peyton had seen it and mentioned it multiple times in the past; why hadn’t I listened to her? Was it my fault that I didn’t see the signs sooner? So I could have warned someone? So many thoughts and emotions were swirling around me.

The next week was like a whirlwind. They closed down the school to clean up, to allow us to mourn, to hold services, and for the well-being of our entire city. Coincidentally, it was also Christmas time…and oh, what a joyous time it was.

There were memorials and funerals a plenty-each one as heart breaking as the next. I knew a handful of the victims’ personally…thirteen teachers and our Principal were among the victims who died trying to protect us students. More tears were shed on Christmas day than I had cried in my entire lifetime.

Peyton had been pushing me away since the entire incident. All I had wanted was to see her face to face to know she was alright, but she was avoiding me at all costs. It didn’t help when we received the news that Liam’s body had been found among the victims. I swear Peyton blamed me.

I was hurting too. Liam and I hadn’t been the tightest, but we did respect one another and he always had my back. I knew it would destroy Peyton—and I wanted to be there to pick up the pieces, but she wouldn’t have it.

My father had been acting strange since he had found out; staying out late every night, sometimes not coming home at all. I worried that he had fallen back into his old ways. Samina and Gia were too busy babying me to notice his absence at all.

While my attraction to Gia hadn’t simmered one bit—one thing had become crystal clear at the school during that dreadful day; I couldn’t live my life without Peyton, and I didn’t want to. So even though Gia had been ultra-concerned about me after the shooting and had tried to comfort me by joining me in bed, I grew some balls and began locking my door at night. I could still hear her light tapping every night for a good while…but I could tell she was catching my drift. Even though Peyton was set on pushing me away, I was fixated on reeling her back in…and I had a feeling I would win.

*              *              *

It was half past eleven when I strolled through my front door. I didn’t expect him to be up…or home in general. If he was home with Samina, they would have been in bed no later than nine. But I could smell the alcohol from my first steps through the door. I closed the door quickly and quietly, and then poked my head into the kitchen, only to see my father seated at the kitchen table, a bottle of Hennessey directly in front of him.

I swallowed before I lost my temper completely, charging towards him.

“Samina and Gia are right upstairs. What the hell do you think you are doing?” I hissed.

“Who the hell do you think you are talking to like that? This is my house—I’ll do whatever the hell I please,” Frank replied obnoxiously then took a sloppy swig off the bottle before slamming it down on the table.

“You’re going to lose everything,” I warned him before turning to walk away upstairs to my room.

“I thought you were a goner,” he said so softly I had to strain to hear him.

I turned around hesitantly. “I thought that’s what you’ve always wanted,” I countered.

“You’re the only son I have left…” he trailed off.

I watched him gulp down even more Hennessey.

“Don’t you think that’s enough?” I held my hand out for the bottle, walking back towards my father.

“I’ll tell you what’s enough,” he said and then grabbed my head and threw me into the wall. Darkness quickly closed in on me.

*              *              *

“Jace?”

Snap.

“Jace?”

Snap. Snap.

“Shit. Oh, shit.”

Splash.

I awoke with a jolt; water obstructing my view. I looked up through the droplets of liquid and realized Gia was sitting on my chest, glass in hand. “I’m so sorry!” she whispered, then quickly threw her shoulder under my armpit to help me up.

“What happened?” I asked her, rubbing the side of my head which felt like a rod was sticking out of my skull.

“I don’t know—you tell me, I found you like this.” She pointed to my fragile, weakened state.

“My Father,” I said, raging once I remembered what had taken place earlier. I was beyond livid. “Have you seen him?”

She shook her head as if to say no, but her answer differed. “I heard the front door shut about twenty minutes ago…honestly, I thought it was you—that’s why I came down to check.”

“Gia, I need to ask you something, and you have to promise to tell the truth…can you do that?” I asked of her.

She nodded rapidly.

“Have you noticed anything different about my father lately? Has he tried anything with you?” I kept intense eye contact so she knew I was serious.

“He has been staying out late a lot…is he cheating on my mother?” she asked in a nervous tone.

I shook my head in an exhausted fashion. “That should be the least of your worries.”

“What do you mean?” she questioned, her voice rising in pitch.

“It means that I think you should take your mom and go. I have some money saved up, enough to last you guys a few months to get back on your feet, but I think it’s time to start thinking seriously about your guys’ safety.”

“Are you just trying to get rid of me so you can go back to Peyton and live happily ever after?” she asked snidely, making me want to forget I was ever attracted to her in that way.

“No, I’m doing what I should have done from the beginning—giving you an out.”

“Well I don’t want your out,” Gia replied, crossing her arms across her chest dramatically.

“You may not now, but you will—promise me, you will,” I said, still urging her to take it.

“My mom is happy and I like being a part of this family. I’m sorry Jace, but I’m not going anywhere.” She was stubborn…just like Peyton.

“Fine,” I finally gave in. “If you won’t go, then I will!” I threw my arms up in the air, defeated.

“What? But if you leave, then how will you protect us?” She suddenly sounded very worried.

“I don’t know, but it’s what you want so I figure you better start learning how.”

Eleven: A Human Tornado

I had been staying with my grandmother ever since I walked out on Gia. Of course I still worried about her safety with Frank back to his old ways, but I didn’t want to ruin anything I had going with Peyton. It was a catch-22.

The New Year came and went but no one in our town was in a celebrating mood; and that was understandable. School had resumed a week ago, and it was all doom and gloom walking the same halls we had watched our peers meet their violent fate.

People were jumpy. No one knew what to say, so it was deathly silent…oddly fitting for the massacre that had taken place. It didn’t feel right being back there without our peers who had lost their lives.

Peyton looked just as out of place as I felt. I wasn’t sure she wanted to see me, but I approached her anyway. “Hey,” I said softly.

She spun around, a surprised look etched across her face. “Jace.”

“You’ve been avoiding me…” I said quietly, making sure to keep the conversation out of prying ears.

“What?” She shook her head wildly. “No, I haven’t.”

“You’re trying to tell me that there is a believable explanation for why I haven’t seen or heard from you since…”

Peyton’s finger silenced me. “Don’t.”

“Peyton, we are going to have to talk about this sometime,” I hissed, under my breath.

“Yeah, well, not today.” She continued to shove her books into her backpack and then slammed her locker shut loudly.

I grabbed her by the wrist to stop her. “You’re pushing me away. After everything we’ve been through. Look, I understand that losing Liam was hard on you. I even understand you still might be mad at me for Gia. Fuck Peyton, I need you to forgive me. I’m not asking anymore, I am begging you.” I got down on both knees to prove I was serious.

“What are you doing?” Peyton snarled under her breath at me. “Get up.” She began pulling at my arm to no avail.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you warned me about Felix. That’s what you want right? Me to tell you that you were right all along and that I could have prevented this from the beginning? Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it, I swear. I can’t do this without you Peyton. I need you.” Tears were already trailing down my cheeks at a rapid speed.

Peyton’s cheeks were burning up; it didn’t help that we had a crowd of onlookers watching our entire conversation.

“Come on,” Peyton said softly, grabbing my wrists. “Get up.”

I let her pull me up, but the guilt was eating me alive then. I began convulsing, shaking uncontrollably, sobbing onto my girlfriend’s shoulder. My outburst had surprised her, it had her talking quickly, making promises.

“I’ll stop pushing you away, I promise…just please, don’t do this…not in front of everyone,” Peyton begged quietly of me.

“This isn’t about you…” I said, fighting to catch my breath. “Don’t you get it? This…” I pointed around the halls. “This was all my fault. I should have seen the signs. I could have prevented it all.”

“You’re one guy Jace, you can’t always save the day,” Peyton replied softly.

“How contradictory for someone who has referred to me as their hero multiple times…” I couldn’t help but be bitter. Felix had taken everything from my small town. If I had simply listened…maybe, just maybe I could have seen the warning signs. “I couldn’t save them…I couldn’t save any of them.”

“You know that’s not true.” Peyton tested me with her eyes. “You saved everyone. If it wasn’t for you calling the cops—you standing up to him, I would be dead; we would all be dead.”

I sighed heavily, my heart still hurting. Peyton had warned me early on how uncomfortable Felix had made her. Why didn’t I listen? Why wasn’t I been able to prevent all of this?

The bell rang for our first class. Peyton began walking away and then stopped abruptly when she realized I wasn’t in tow. I was still pretty shaken up about everything and sitting in a classroom that would be eerily empty was not appealing in the least.

“You coming?” she called out to me. We didn’t have the same class, but I normally walked her to her class and dropped her off before rushing to mine. It was something we had been doing since the end of junior year and I liked it.

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” I hollered back and then slowly took in the absence of my peers in the hall before making my way towards Peyton.

*              *              *

Things were still awkward between Peyton and me. Although she had promised to stop pushing me away, she hadn’t stopped avoiding me. I needed her and she was not delivering.

I was thankful to be staying with my grandma. She was overly attentive and loving. Where Peyton was lacking, my grandmother was filling in. It was nice having a calm place to come home to every day after school. I loved not having to deal with the chaos that was my father.

I had only been out of school an hour when my phone alerted me of a call.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. It vibrated wildly.

Samina. She had never called me; ever…a familiar feeling of fear took over my entire body.

“Hello?” I answered; my heart in my throat.

“Jace,” her voice was panicked. “Jace, where are you? It’s your father…”

“What did he do?” I pressed as I frantically ran around the spare room my grandmother had allowed me to use, throwing on shoes and a jacket for the cold weather.

“Hurry Jace!” I didn’t bother drilling her any further—just hung up the phone and booked my way over to my father’s house.

I texted Gia before I started the car. Hey, are you alright?

The absence of a reply had my foot like lead on the gas pedal. I was aware of how fast I was driving, but I didn’t care.

The front door was open, which was odd. I slinked inside silently, closing the door behind me. I looked around cautiously, unsure of what to expect. I slid unnoticed into the kitchen where I quietly grabbed a butcher’s knife and began to make my way through the house.

I was sweating from the anticipation, my forehead dripping from it. The fact that I was clearing the majority of the house myself definitely boosted my adrenaline.

The sound of breaking glass caught my attention from upstairs. I gripped the butcher’s knife tighter as I slowly crept up the stairwell. A loud shriek was enough motivation to move faster and before I knew it, I was face to face with Samina and Gia. It appeared as though they had bested my father, as he was flat on his ass.

“What’s going on?” I asked, the knife still raised.

“Look around,” Gia said in a bitter tone. “Notice how it looks like a tornado tore apart this place? That tornado was your father.”

She was right. I gulped loudly as I took it all in; the horrific sight. Goodbye faithful television. Farewell trusty Blu-ray machine.

“What was he so riled up about?” I asked as Gia and Samina took a step back to let me in.

“My mother found him like this—wasted and angry,” Gia said in a disgusted voice.

“This is so unlike him,” Samina said softly, shaking her head back and forth.

If only she knew…

“Get out of here guys, I’ll take care of him,” I instructed Samina and Gia to leave the room.

“Here.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. “This should be enough for one night until we can figure out a game plan.”

“I can’t just give up on him,” Samina said stubbornly.

“You may not have a choice—he may have just given up on you.” I felt bad speaking the truth, with how sweet Samina was, but it was something she needed to hear.

I waited for Samina and Gia to pack their belongings before addressing my deadbeat of a father.

“You son of a bitch…” I muttered under my breath as I reached under his armpits to carry him to his bedroom.

Twelve: A Small Step in the Right Direction

Peyton had been pushing me away since the shooting. That had been over three weeks ago. While having someone there who knew exactly what I had been through would have really helped, Peyton didn’t seem to feel the same way. I knew I didn’t deserve her, but after everything we had been through I had been hoping she would forgive me. It seemed like we had been through hell and high water together, and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. But what could I do if she wanted nothing to do with me?

She wasn’t ignoring me fully; she was selective in the way she chose to execute it. At school she would wave to me, and then the moment she saw me getting close—she would book it the other way. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure I had a girlfriend anymore. Our break may have transitioned into a full-on break-up.

Today was a rougher day on me. Most of my texts went unanswered from her. When I went to her locker she was conveniently MIA each and every time. It was as if she vanished…but I knew her better.

She wasn’t expecting me when I showed up at her front door after school.

“Jace,” she said surprisingly through the screen door without bothering to open it.

“Peyton,” I followed her lead.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, looking around my head uncomfortably.

“You weren’t at school—and you’ve been avoiding me like the plague. I need to know what is going on,” I said through the screen.

“What’s going on with?” she played dumb.

“Us. I need to know what is going on with us.”

She swallowed loudly.

“Look, what Felix did was hard on me too. I lost all of them too…” I filled the awkward silence. “Are you just going to make me stand out here all day or are you going to invite me in?”

“Jace…” she stalled.

“Are we over?” I asked, point blank.

“What?” she replied, caught off guard.

“You heard me—are we over?”

Silence.

“I guess I got my answer.” I turned to walk away, my heart shattering with every step I took forward.

I had never been so relieved and happy to hear the creak of the door. “Wait,” she said softly, barely cracking the screen door open.

I turned around slowly, waiting to hear what she had to say.

“I’ve never been so scared in my life,” her voice trembled as she spoke the truth.

I nodded. I hadn’t either. The idea that I may have lost Peyton that day was the scariest feeling I had ever encountered. It was the moment I knew with a hundred percent certainty that she was the one for me. Losing her was the most terrifying feeling in the entire world.

“Let me be there for you,” I spoke the familiar words she had introduced to me once upon a time.

“My PTSD has returned—I’m not in control of my actions. I don’t want to hurt you,” she said as she shakily opened the door a smidge.

Great, here I was worried about the fate of our relationship, while Peyton was having relapses. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked as I grabbed the handle and opened it hesitantly.

“Last time something like this happened, I ended up punching you in the face—I didn’t want to lose you…” she trailed off, looking down at her feet.

I stepped closer to her and she stepped back, yet again distancing herself.

“Jace, I’m not ready for physical contact just yet,” Peyton said quietly, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I just need a little time. Please.”

I nodded, stepping backwards. “Take all the time you need if that means you will return to me.”

She smiled, although small, it was the first time I had seen it since before the shooting. “You saved my life…more than once…although I may not act like it, I owe you mine.”

I shook my head in disagreement. “I just did the right thing.”

“You wouldn’t have gone to those extremes for anyone else, believe me, I know that. I’ve had a hard couple of years, and honestly, you are the only thing that got me through.”

“I love you.” I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“I love you too—more than you will ever know,” she said, and I could have sworn I saw her take a step towards me before stopping herself.

Peyton was right. She had been through a hell of a couple of years…a failed suicide attempt, an attempted rape, a car crash, PTSD, an attack from my own blood, and not to mention all her romantic drama. Throwing in the shooting must have been very traumatic for her; completely understandable.

“I’ll wait for you—take all the time you need.” I turned on my heel and headed away from her house. It was hard enough being around her and not being able to touch her. Especially after the storm that was Felix. All I wanted to do was hold her, touch her, and make sure she was okay.

My car was in the shop so I walked the short distance to my house. Every day had been so different, I had no idea what to expect as I made my way there.

Gia was sitting outside on the porch steps as I approached. “Hey,” she greeted me as I came closer.

“Hey.” I nodded back at her. “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” she answered shortly.

Her response was so sharp, I ended up doing a double-take. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” She was still short with me, looking in the opposite direction.

“What are you doing outside?” I asked, removing my backpack and taking a seat next to her.

She shrugged, lightly nodding her head towards inside.

“Is he home?” I asked tensely.

She nodded.

“Where’s Samina?”

“They had a fight earlier—she took the car and left…”

“And she left you here?” I pressed.

“I just got home forty five minutes ago. She was long gone by then.”

“So how did you know what happened?”

“Frank’s belligerent, yelling and tossing the house.” It was as if she had come to expect such behavior from him.

I looked back towards the front door. “How bad is it?”

“Bad,” she answered.

This was getting old.

“Do I even want to know?” I asked.

Apparently not. Opening up the front door proved she had been right. Chairs were overturned. Lamps and their glass lights were strewn across the floor, the glass broken. And passed out right in the middle of it all was my sorry excuse for a father.

ooHh

Thirteen: Desperation

I had been staying closer to home due to my father’s growing unstableness. I knew I wouldn’t be able to prevent everything, but I was damn well going to try. Peyton was still needing her space which made it easier not to feel guilty about being around Gia.

Gia had also been on her best behavior since the last time I called her out and we were even being civil to one another. It felt good not to have the pressure of anything other than friendship.

“He home?” I asked as I swung my backpack over the railing onto the porch after returning home from school.

She shook her head no, but kept her eyes buried in her journal.

“You’ve been knee deep in that thing all week, what are you writing?” I asked curiously as I stepped towards her.

“Oh, nothing.” She blushed and then closed it swiftly, heading inside the house.

“Hey, where are you going?” I called after her, grabbing my backpack and following her into the house.

She walked over to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water. “Want one?”

I nodded, motioning for her to throw me one.

As soon as I felt it hit my fingers I twisted off the cap and took a long swig. “Where’s your mom?”

Gia shrugged. “I don’t know. I figured she was with Frank…then again, she has been disappearing quite a bit lately.”

“Where do you think she goes?” I asked, taking another gulp of the cold liquid.

“Promise not to say anything?” When I nodded silently, she continued. “She used to have this gambling problem a few years back. Some idiot introduced her to slot machines and it was over. There went the child support money, there went our rent money, shit, even our food money.”

I couldn’t help the look of sympathy that poured across my face. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be,” she replied smugly. “I learned what it takes to survive. I’m thankful for that.”

“You really think she could be back into gambling?” I asked. My father was an alcoholic…alcohol and gambling did not mix.

Gia nodded slowly. “I think that is what her and Frank have been squabbling about lately.”

“Well, I knew it was money related, but…” I trailed off trying to recall what I could.

“He gambled all the rent money and the last thing I heard he was screaming at her that she had to make it all back.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered under my breath. I threw my backpack back over my shoulder and began to walk towards my room.

“Jace?” Gia called after me.

“Yeah?” I turned around.

“I found this on the door the other day.” I watched as she pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper from her back pocket.

I opened it up, curious as to the contents inside. I wanted to read the terms, I wanted to pay attention to anything else, but the only thing I saw big and clear was, EVICTION NOTICE.

*              *              *

That son of a bitch.

We were being evicted because he spent our rent money gambling.

We were being evicted, that was, unless we magically came up with $1200 in the next forty eight hours. We were pretty much screwed.

Over the years I had managed to save $800, which was intended for my senior trip, but I realized that money may as well be gone because there was no way I would let Samina and Gia end up on the streets because of Frank’s reckless decisions.

I pulled the money out without hesitation. That $800 coupled with another $200 I procured from my grandmother, and I headed to the landlords house ready to beg and plead for my home.

After nearly an hour of back and forth banter, the landlord told me they could only accept payment in full, and unless I had it, we were basically shit out of luck.

I returned home to an empty house and less than thirty six hours to sort it all out. Samina and Frank had been gone for quite a long time, but he was known for his overly long trips. I made a mental note to ask Gia if she had heard from her mother the next time I saw her.

I was staring at the stack of bills in my hand when Gia finally walked through the door a couple of hours later. “Jace? Jace? Are you okay?” she asked, snapping her fingers in front of my eyes.

I had been in a daze. How long have I been staring off like that?

“Are you okay?” she asked again, her brows furrowed and riddled with worry.

I nodded. “We’re going to lose the house,” I said finally.

Her shoulders dropped heavily. “How short are we?”

“We still need two hundred dollars and time is running out.”

“I hate to ask this, and I know it’s not my place,” she began, “but have you asked Peyton?”

I looked up at her incredulously. I wanted Peyton nowhere near my father or his crippling ways…I wanted to deal with this on my own. “I can’t do that.”

She sighed loudly. “Of course not. I’m sorry I asked.”

I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or sincere but I went with it anyways.

I grabbed the money and went up to my room, plopping down on my bed. I wasn’t sure how long I laid there, in the darkness, anticipating his arrival.

I hadn’t realized I had fallen asleep, but the sound of a door closing was enough to stir me. I looked around my dark room through tired eyes, attempting to regain control of my blurry vision.

I heard the clinking of glass bottles and ripped my door open, running downstairs. I hadn’t expected to find Gia amongst the wine bottles, tipsy as ever. “Gia, what are you doing?” I hissed.

“It’s our last night here right? Might as well drink up!” Gia tossed her head back and took a big gulp of the red drink.

I heard the yelling before they were even near the house. Was he yelling at her in the car all the way over as well? I didn’t know what had gotten into me lately, but I ripped open the door to the garage, no fear, and ready to knock some sense into him.

I realized very quickly that he had Samina on speakerphone and she wasn’t even in the vicinity. It didn’t take two quick glances to see just how smashed he was. He was wobbling back and forth with his phone as he approached the door.

“Oh, no you don’t!” I held out my hand to stop him.

He looked up at me, his eyes unable to make firm eye contact and then he attempted to push his way through.

“Tell me you didn’t know about this?” I asked, shoving the eviction notice in his face.

He looked like he went cross eyed before he took a good look at the bold lettering at the top.

“Surprise! We’re moving.” And then he shoved me out of the way and onto the hard concrete of the garage floor.

I stumbled up as quickly as I could, but the asshole had locked me out. I ran to the front door, jiggling the handle furiously as it remained firm. The back door was my only other option. I don’t think I had ever moved faster in my life.

Her scream; that scream; it’s when I knew there was no going back.

Fourteen: Face the Music

Most kids don’t ever have to imagine hurting their parents. I had to live through it.

It wasn’t the way I anticipated it would happen. I wasn’t even sure I was aware of my actions fully when I did it. All I heard was her blood curdling scream, chilling my bones. I couldn’t sit idly by. The house was already destroyed enough when I chucked a large piece of wood through the living room window and climbed through.

“Frank! Please! Stop!” I could faintly hear her cries coming from upstairs.

All the hairs on my body were standing on end as I frantically ran through the house looking for anything to fight him off with. It was just sitting there…right in the middle of the table. I hadn’t even realized he owned a firearm. My experience with guns was close to nothing, but if it wasn’t a sign, I wasn’t sure what was.

I picked up the black pistol carefully and began making my way up the stairs, keeping my eyes peeled for Frank or Gia.

It sounded like a struggle and then more glass shattering, more pounding on the walls.

“Help!” Gia’s voice had never sounded more frightened; my legs felt shaky beneath me as I closed in on what I thought to be their location.

I wasn’t prepared for the sight. Somewhere deep inside me I always knew there was a possibility he would take it to that dark place—I just chose to stay in denial. But when I rounded the corner and saw him, on top of her...I couldn’t help myself.

I pulled the trigger without another thought. In an instant he was toppled over grabbing his injury.

I ran to Gia, helping her onto her feet. Her hair was disheveled, her clothes ripped, and her bra was torn completely on one side. She looked terrified and shaken up. I quickly removed my sweatshirt and handed it to her to cover herself up with. “You okay?”

She nodded, accepting it and putting it on slowly. “Thanks to you. Should we call the police?”

“You need to get out of here—find your mom—and go,” I ordered, remembering what had just taken place. I was most likely headed to prison, I didn’t want Gia anywhere near that place.

“What are you going to do?” she questioned, her lip quivering.

“I’m going to take care of it.” I reached my hands up to her face, unsure of exactly how I should have been feeling. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Will I ever see you again?” Gia asked, a tear streaming down her face silently.

“I hope so,” I answered, and then, even though I was conflicted and knew better, I lowered my lips down to hers in a soft, short kiss.

“Goodbye Jace.” She hugged me tightly then ran off in search of her mother.

I looked down at my fingers, the same fingers that had pulled the trigger; dropping the firearm quickly.

I was shaking as I looked back at my father’s body, face down on the bed Gia had been sleeping on the past couple of months. He was squirming around in his own blood. The sight would have been nauseating if I hadn’t just witnessed him attacking Gia. Between the gurgling and his light coughing and mumbling it sounded like he was trying to say something.

I leaned down to the bed, not touching any part of him…not wanting to obstruct the crime scene. Lowering my ear closer to his mouth, I finally heard him. “You’re going to rot in hell for this, boy.”

He was breathing heavily and coughing up blood onto the white downy comforter.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you there,” I replied, giving my father one last look before walking out of her room and out the front door. I needed fresh air; it would help me figure out what to do. After pacing back and forth for what seemed like hours but was only six minutes, I knew without a shadow of a doubt what I needed to do.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket dialing 911.

After the greeting I spoke the incriminating words that would more than likely put me behind bars. “I’m calling to report a shooting. My name is Jace Austin and I just shot my father.”

After hanging up it would be mere minutes before the police came to arrest me. I dialed the only other number I had memorized apart from my own. She answered on the fourth ring. “Jace?” Her voice sounded surprised as I expected it to be.

“I don’t have long to talk but I want you to know that even after everything, I still love you. I just want you to hold onto that.”

“Jace.” Peyton’s voice rose unusually high. “What is going on?”

“I shot my father, Peyton.” I paused, fully digesting the words myself. “I’m probably going to jail, or worse.”

“What?” I could tell I had Peyton’s full attention then.

“He went after Gia, Peyton. I couldn’t help myself.”

I could feel the pain I inflicted with the mention of Gia’s name. After all, Gia was the reason for my confusion, our space and time apart.

“I told you…” Peyton said softly. “I told you to go to the police before something like this happened.”

“I know…do you forgive me?” I asked, suddenly realizing my time was running short.

“What?” Peyton asked in an exasperated tone.

“You heard me—will you give me another chance if I find a way out of this?”

She swallowed loudly then.

“Jace, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m scaring myself,” I replied honestly.

And then I heard the sirens and caught sight of the approaching lights.

“You’re always going to be my little rock star,” I whispered into the phone as my eyes blurred with tears.

Her wails and sobs on the other side of the phone were going to be seared into my memory forever.

“Freeze! Hands in the air!”

Game over.

Fifteen: Jailed and Conflicted

As the red and blue lights spun around, whirring and twirling, my mind went elsewhere. I could hear my name faintly through all the commotion but my vision had gone dark.

It’s funny that in the heat of the moment, I froze up completely. Memories of my father playing with Jax and me as children took over my mind.

It wasn’t until I felt the handcuffs being fastened tightly around my wrists or my body being roughly thrown to the ground that I came to. I was in the police car quicker than I could blink. I never got a chance to explain what happened.

They left me in the back of that car for hours while they “cleared” the scene and then they brought out a stretcher with a white cloth covering my father’s body. Blood was soaking through the sheet. I had to look away. I could already feel my insides churning. To say I was going through an extreme range of emotions was the understatement of the year.

People were beginning to come out of their homes; astonished looks smeared across their faces. I’m sure none of them expected anything so dark and sinister to happen right in their own neighborhood. And then I saw her. I had to blink a few times to clear away remnants of my earlier tears—but she was definitely there, to the side of my car, looking straight at me.

I thought she had left.

My heart began racing. I really hadn’t given her enough credit. With each step Gia took towards the officers my stomach flip-flopped even more. I was basically salivating to hear what she would tell them, but in less than five minutes I watched her get carted into the back of another police vehicle.

We were both taken to the police station and put in separate interrogation rooms. The room I had been thrown into had nothing more than a table and two chairs. One thing it was not missing? A two-way mirror; it was the first thing I noticed. They were no doubt on the other side observing my behavior.

After fifteen minutes of excruciating silence had gone by, the door finally opened. In walked two officers; one male and one female. The female looked like an Amazon woman towering over her partner’s thicker frame. She had short brown hair styled into a bob. The male looked to be around 5’8”, Hispanic, with a goatee.

“Hello,” the Hispanic male began. “My name is detective Gil and this is detective Handler, I’m sure you know why we brought you in today.”

I nodded as I watched detective Handler take a seat across from me. “I shot my father.”

“That’s right.” Detective Gil took a step closer to me. “Jace, we are going to need you to tell us exactly what happened and what led up to that decision, do you understand?”

“Yes sir.” In a way it would be like taking a load off my chest; I had been hiding the truth about my father for so long I was even beginning to believe my own lies. It has to be better this way.

It wasn’t surprising that after close to three hours in interrogation, the police still seemed hesitant to believe that my father was an abusive drunk who tried to rape Gia. I was sure I was a goner until detective Handler removed my handcuffs and asked me to prove that Frank was abusive…it wasn’t a hard task at all. My bruises, although far from being new, lingered for months, and for all of the hell Frank had put me through, I was sporting at least six gnarly looking ones.

She couldn’t hide her shock as her hand instantly went to her mouth when she saw my back and chest. “Do you mind if we take pictures?”

I shook my head dismissively. “Not at all, go right ahead.”

The good news? I had a pretty solid case.

The bad news? I was not getting out anytime soon. In fact, I was going to jail. I was going to jail where I would be held until my arraignment and trial. Gia had no part in what happened to my father, so after a long, in depth questioning, she was released. The detectives were kind enough to let me say a real goodbye to Gia, one in which I asked her to tell Peyton what was happening and that I would be in contact as soon as possible.

Besides Gia, Peyton was about the only other person who had witnessed my father’s violence first hand; the only other person who would agree to testify against him. I knew I was going to need as much help as I could get.

I knew I had shot my father; I knew I had killed him, but it didn’t become real until I had the orange pants and shirt on.

You always imagine what jail or prison must be like as you drive past them on the freeway or you watch television series about them, but the real thing is so much worse; so much more intimidating.

I had to surrender everything-my phone, my keys, my shoes, and my wallet. They stripped everything away from me and then shoved me in with the wolves. After processing, I was shown to my bunk.

The bottom one was already occupied when I entered, so it was inevitable I would end up with the top bunk. The guy below didn’t even look my way as I entered our small living quarters, complete with a small sink and toilet that looked like they were from the cold war. Oh joy.

“Hey, I’m Jace,” I said politely, sticking my hand out to my intimidatingly large cellmate.

“Do you have a death wish son?” he asked in a deep tone that called for respect. I immediately snapped my hand back.

“I’m-I’m sorry,” I stumbled over my words as I backed away from his bunk.

How long was it until my arraignment and trial? Oh that’s right, too long...

Sixteen: Freedom at Last

I breathed in deeply, taking in the weeping willow trees outside the courthouse. I had really underestimated Peyton. In less than two hours since I was allowed my first phone call, she had managed to round up Gia, my Grandmother, a lawyer, and a few neighbors who all showed up to defend me. My lawyer said my case was a slam dunk, I guess I didn’t allow myself to believe that possibility until now…I was free. Those two weeks felt like years in hell—I never wanted to go back to that place. I had been exonerated and I planned to stay out of trouble from there on out.

I really had to give Gia credit. She didn’t hold back on her testimony and she earned a lot of respect from me because of it. Honestly, it was a culmination of everything; the witnesses I had, Gia’s corroboration about that night, the picketers outside fighting wildly for my freedom, and my proof of my father’s earlier unstableness that we were able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that it was self-defense; justifiable homicide.

As I walked outside I came face to face with the crowds of people who had been camped outside the courthouse since the beginning of my trial. A lot of them were parents of the victims from the school shooting, others were the survivors of the shooting. The signs they held up in protest read things like, ‘Stop jailing the heroes’ and ‘Stop punishing the innocent’. It felt good to know I had people in my corner.

It took me forever to make it home, although I simply found myself standing outside the familiar house which was roped off with caution tape. I swallowed deeply, my mind going back to that night. I was the only person left in my immediate family…were we cursed?

“You know my parents said you can stay with us,” Peyton said lightly from behind me.

I turned around. “I’m tired.” I fell to my knees roughly.

“Jace!” Peyton screeched out, dropping beside me. “Are you okay? Do you need some water?”

“I’m tired of fighting, Peyton,” I said simply.

Raindrops began to pelt the sidewalk beneath us. Peyton’s eyes never left my face. “You’re tired of fighting what?”

“Life…I’m tired of fighting life, Peyton. It’s like no matter how hard I try, someone always ends up hurt. The universe obviously wants me miserable.” Tears began to creep up. “I have no one.”

Peyton’s stare instantly softened. “You have me Jace, you’ve always had me.”

“Does this mean you forgive me?” I asked through tear stricken eyes.

“I forgave you a long time ago…I just needed some time to realize that.” She helped me to my feet as the rain continued to pour down.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight,” I whispered, feeling afraid and unsure of my actions.

“You don’t have to be.” Peyton began leading me back to her car.

Am I cursed? Do I break everything I touch? Am I no good for Peyton and too stubborn to let her go; let her be safe?

I wasn’t really sure of anything other than the fact that she fought for me when I really needed it—I saved her life once or twice and now she had saved mine.

*              *              *

Peyton’s parents didn’t rush me to return back to school, they understood that I had been through a traumatic event and needed some time, but they subtly hinted at it as the weeks went on. My grandmother begged me to come live with her so she could keep an eye on me. As if a 4’8” eighty year old woman could do much damage. I appreciated the concern nonetheless though; she really was the last living relative within a 2000 mile radius.

It was February, and although Valentine’s Day had passed quickly and under the radar, I still felt guilty for not being a better boyfriend and planning something unforgettable for Peyton. I felt as though I hadn’t touched her in months. My skin was yearning for her—begging for her. Living steps away from her and not being able to hold her tightly every night was ripping me apart at the seams.

Luckily her parents had bought tickets to a local play tonight and I planned to give her my full attention. When will your parents be home? I asked through a text message while Peyton was at rehearsal with Capiche.

While she was out, I prepared dinner, enchiladas, and set the table in a romantic fashion; complete with lit candlesticks at each end.

Their play should get out around ten, why?

I just want to know how much alone time I will get with you…I sent back, checking the clock on the wall. 7 pm, which gave us a little more than three hours.

In that case, I’m hurrying home! Peyton replied. From where she was I estimated another twenty minutes in drive time.

I raced up to the temporary room I had been set up with, which was actually in fact Kayleigh’s old room and threw on one of my nicer button down shirts. It was teal with pearl buttons, I liked it.

When she finally arrived I was sprawled out on her family’s gigantic sectional couch sucked into some reality show about wrestling babes…I was surprised by how addicting it was.

“Did you make me dinner?” Peyton asked loudly as she walked through the front door, following her nose to the kitchen.

I waited for her to come into the living room before responding. “I’m sorry I haven’t been the best boyfriend.”

Peyton approached me hesitantly then. “Are you joking? You’ve been my lifesaver and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

I quickly turned the TV off and stood up, facing Peyton. “We’re even.”

I pulled her into me, making her drop her purse. I closed my eyes, inhaling her scent first.

“What are you doing?” She giggled as I opened my eyes.

“I’m taking in this moment. It feels like forever since I was able to touch you,” I said softly, yet seriously.

“It has been forever—and that was partly your fault and partly mine. Listen Jace, we’ve both made mistakes in the past…but it’s time to look to the future; our future.”

Without wasting another breath, I lowered my lips to hers. It was like our first kiss all over again; the passion and emotion growing with each brush of our lips. “You have no idea how badly I’ve been missing you,” I whispered into her ear seductively.

“I miss you even when I’m with you. I feel like I can’t breathe without you. Is it healthy? God no…would I change a thing? Hell no.” She pushed me back onto the couch, climbing on top of me.

It was amazing to see how much her confidence had grown in such a roller coaster of a year. But Peyton never ceased to amaze me.

Seventeen: Falling Back into Place

Job fairs were popping up everywhere, and being that we were seniors, Peyton and I made sure to attend a couple to get ideas.

“So, what do you think?” Peyton asked me one day at the end of February, after we had spent a couple of hours attending another job fair.

“I think you are going to be a musician and you don’t need to attend any of these,” I joked.

She rolled her eyes. “You know I was not talking about me.”

I shrugged, slipping my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “I think I want to be a social worker.”

Her green eyes lit up with my confession. “Oh my God, Jace, you would make the most incredible case worker!”

My cheeks felt like they were burning up. “You have to say that, you’re my girlfriend.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck. “I never say anything I don’t believe.”

“I was thinking about trying to get some kind of a scholarship to Ohio State…maybe a grant or something.”

“I am so proud of you—you know that?” Peyton was shaking her head as she said so.

Her phone began to go off inside of her purse. “Hey, your purse is vibrating,” I joked.

She swiftly reached into her bag and pulled out her familiar white iPhone. “Hello?”

I watched as her expression brightened up immediately and it wasn’t difficult to imagine who was on the other end.

After a few minutes of watching Peyton pace our school’s hallway in a complete circle, she finally hung up the phone—grinning from ear to ear. “Let me guess, Brooklyn?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Pinch me, I think I’m dreaming.”

I had heard snippets of the conversation, Peyton’s side of it, but I was waiting for her to tell me the good news.

“DarienMae told the founder of Twisted Tour about us last year when they were on the tour and apparently he called Madison to see if we could be on the entire tour this year. We won’t be on the main stage, but a smaller stage called Up & Comers.”

I swallowed, digesting her words. “So, you are going to do it? When would it start?”

Twisted Tour was an annual, 44 city music festival that spanned 29 states and 2 countries. It brought together bands from all kinds of rock genres from punk, emo, screamo, and even metal.

“The band is going to sit down and discuss it to see if it is a direction we want to go.”

“What about Capiche and everything you two have been doing together?” I found myself asking.

“Actually, I was thinking it may be cool to incorporate him into some of the songs…give it a hip-hop element.” Peyton’s answer surprised me.

We had made it out to the parking lot now and were both climbing into my car.

“That’s a long time you know,” I muttered, nearly under my breath.

“What is?” Peyton asked with her supersonic hearing.

“The tour,” I replied as I closed my door.

“I know…” Peyton looked down “but, you could come with me.”

“On tour?”

“Yeah, you could be our merch guy or something.” She giggled lightly.

I loved being around Peyton, and I even loved watching her perform…but the idea that I would be on tour with her and Noah, and possibly even have to run into Colton was as unappealing as black olives to me.

I could be supportive without being with her every day.

“I think I need to figure out what I want with my life before following yours.” I kept my tone as light and positive as possible but Peyton still looked down. “Look, you know I love you right?”

She nodded, remaining mute.

“If anyone should be worried it’s me—I can already imagine how many guys will be ogling you at your shows.”

“Oh, shut up!” Peyton slapped me lightly across the shoulder as I started the car.

“Where to now?” It was a Thursday night, but our school planned conferences for Friday, so we ended up with a three day weekend.

“Surprise me,” Peyton shot back, her eyes dancing wildly.

*              *              *

It had been much too long since I had seen my good friends Elijah and Boone, and now that things were in the clear I wanted to spend more time with them.

Boone had always had eclectic tastes and was known for his “Halloween on Christmas” parties. This last year though he had been overseas for the Holiday with his family so he decided he wanted to change it to “Halloween on Saint Patty’s Day”.

Peyton and I had a lot of fun going out and searching for outfits to coincide with one another’s. We ended up choosing a retro-film noir look. Peyton liked the elegance of the era and I simply liked the clothes. It was fun to pretend, even for a day.

When I picked up Peyton for the party, she looked beautiful. Her long, classy red dress went nicely with my dark grey pin-striped suit and red handkerchief.

We arrived to the party and after locking up the car, I pulled Peyton into me briefly before heading inside. “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”

“Yes.” She giggled, beaming. “But feel free to keep reminding me.”

“Oh I will.” I lowered my lips to hers in a soft, passionate kiss. I pressed her lightly up against the passenger side door as I continued to ravage her with my mouth.

She was giggling and panting hard. It wasn’t difficult to tell I had turned her on.

“You sure you want to go in?” I teased, kissing her neck, then licking it lightly.

“This was your idea mister!” She pointed in my face.

I took both of her hands and moved them above her head, holding them captive. This seemed to excite her because she was kissing me fast then.

I don’t know how long we were out there, simply enjoying one another, but things had never felt so right.

Eighteen: I Know What I Want

The party was hopping; in all the years Boone had been putting on his annual event, there had never been such a huge turnout. It was like bumper to bumper traffic trying to walk through his front door and through the entry way. People in costumes were littered everywhere. I held tight to Peyton’s hand as I led her through the crowded hallways and finally into the familiar kitchen I had spent countless summer nights in.

Immediately, I caught sight of Boone and Lana, attached at the hip, mingling outside on the back porch. They were dressed as John Smith & Pocahontas, and Lana made a great lookalike.

“Hey,” I greeted them with Peyton in tow.

“You guys made it!” Lana said, throwing her arms around Peyton.

“Peyton has never experienced ‘Halloween on Christmas’ before, she needs to be initiated.”

Boone threw his arm around Peyton enthusiastically. “You have no idea what kind of iconic parties you have been missing!”

I chuckled, looking around for other familiar faces. “Is Eli here?”

“Yeah, he’s around somewhere—but watch out, he thought he was being original by choosing to be Michael Jackson but there are like three others walking around here tonight. Must be because of his newest cd release,” Boone warned.

I rolled my eyes. Typical.

“You guys want a drink?” Lana offered, already making her way inside, but keeping her eyes on us the entire time.

I looked over at Peyton who nodded lightly. “Yeah, what do you have?”

She walked inside to open the fridge and Peyton and I followed.

“Looks like we have beer, wine, or whiskey.” She looked back at us awaiting our answer.

I knew how much I loved my whiskey, but I also knew how much of an ass I had been to Peyton while drunk off my ass on whiskey—I wanted to lay low, so I went with beer.

“What do you want babe?” I looked over at Peyton.

“I guess I’ll do beer too.” I knew Peyton’s usual drink of choice was sweeter and more sugary than any of the options provided.

“Do you want me to run to the store to get you a bottle of cherry rum?” I offered. Even though Peyton was acting as though she was fine with a beer, I knew her inner voice was probably dreading it.

“I’m okay,” she said, although her facial expressions spoke mountains.

“Okay, that’s it, I’m going to the store.” I set my beer down on the counter. Lucky for me, I had been able to secure fake IDs for the both of us nearly a year ago, and they had been working like a charm.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Peyton offered.

“No, it’s okay, it will only take me ten minutes. I’m just going to the liquor store down the street.” I looked at my watch. “I better hurry up, I think they close soon.”

I kissed Peyton lightly on the lips and then began making my way back towards the front door. People were still squeezed tightly into the hallways and living room.

As I opened the front door I was greeted by Wonder Woman, and not just anyone, but Olivia.

“Jace,” she exclaimed surprised when we came face to face. It had been months since we had last spoken or seen one another. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” I replied. “How have you been?” I wrapped my arms around her quickly in a tight hug.

“I’ve been well—just began my internship.”

“Oh yeah, I remember you mentioning something about that…” I trailed off. “Well, it was nice to see you, I’m sure we’ll get a chance to catch up later.”

“Are you leaving?” she asked, appearing perplexed.

“I’m just running to the store real quick.”

She hadn’t moved an inch. “Can I come with you?”

“To the liquor store?” I asked, not sure it was a good idea myself.

“Yeah, we can catch up.”

I glanced back towards the back porch, trying to locate Peyton with my eyes, but the place was packed making it virtually impossible. I knew Peyton wouldn’t be happy if I agreed, but Olivia had only ever been good to me; I intended to treat her the same. “Yeah, um, sure.”

I looked back one more time at the sea of people before leading Olivia out to my car.

“Is she here tonight?” Olivia asked as I unlocked the passenger side door for her to climb in.

I nodded, remaining mute.

“Where is she?”

“Inside with Boone and Lana,” I replied.

Olivia nodded tensely, staring out the window as I began the car.

“You know, I always wondered what it was about her. I know the type of chemistry you and I have, and I know how strongly it felt to me…so I can only imagine.”

I had never had the conversation with Olivia; even when we stopped seeing one another, I never shared my true feelings with her.

“Olivia, Peyton and I share a deep connection. I wish I could say it was something similar to what you and I shared…but I can’t, because it is so much more than that. I never meant to hurt you, I hope you believe me. I think you are an incredible human being and only deserve happiness—unfortunately with someone else.” It was difficult being a hundred percent honest with her, but it was the least she deserved.

I could see tears forming at the corners of her eyes and her strong attempt at keeping them at bay. “It hurts to hear—but I needed that. You’re one hell of a guy to get over, Jace Austin.”

As I pulled into the liquor store, I put the car in park and turned to face her. “You’re one hell of a girl, Olivia Jenson, and if it were anyone other than Peyton—they wouldn’t stand a chance; I hope you realize that.”

She smiled slightly, nodding her head. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

“Sometimes the best pairings aren’t, but I know you are going to find someone who will never make you second guess their feelings.”

It’s not that either girl was better—it’s just that Peyton was better for me. Since the first moment I had laid eyes on Peyton I had felt a magnetic pull. Sometimes it was faint and light, and sometimes it felt stronger than steel, but I had never felt anything like it with anyone else. Even the intense feelings I had experienced with Gia didn’t hold a candle. I knew right away I wanted her in my life in any way, shape, or form.

Nineteen: Right Where We Left Off

It had been awhile since Peyton and I were able to sneak away for some alone time, and seeing as it was spring break, more of our friends were in town than usual. Between Brooklyn, Madison, Kayleigh, and Bentley all coincidentally spending their vacation in Day Heights, it was going to be jam-packed week.

Because Kayleigh and Bentley were still broken up, we were going to have to spend time with each of them separately. Bentley and I had always gotten along fairly well, so I was excited to catch up. He hadn’t been back into town since he received his full ride scholarship to the University of Oregon.

While we had seen Kayleigh a few times during the holidays and such, I knew Peyton was looking forward to her arrival this time. After everything we had been through during the school year, Peyton and Kayleigh’s relationship had only deepened. Peyton had even gone to visit Kayleigh a few weekends during the summer before she began classes and told me it gave them ample time to bond.

Kayleigh was always a sore subject for me; anytime her name was mentioned, it reminded me of the disappointed look smeared across Peyton’s face when I told her the truth, that I had met Kayleigh first…I never meant to hurt Peyton, but I also wanted to be honest with her, and the only way to do so was come clean about why I had even been interested in her in the first place.

Yes, my intentions weren’t the best when Kayleigh invited me over that fateful September night. I was reeling from a heated argument with my girlfriend Jessica and needing a distraction. Kayleigh thought I was my twin brother, someone she had dated in the past. I decided to play it off; looks were definitely on her side. It was going swimmingly until I heard the crash; Peyton’s body falling to the floor. My heart was racing, Kayleigh’s eyes were wide with fear.

It was the first time I laid eyes on Peyton, and the most depressing time. I wanted to know what could have been so bad in her life she would have chosen the easy way out. Even though at the time Peyton was clearly heavier, I still saw her for what was; beautiful. I made a promise to myself that if she opened her eyes for me, I was going to do everything in my power to bring happiness back to her life.

That night at the hospital, I finally told Kayleigh the truth about my identity. I thought I deserved a slap, kick, or even a punch—but she was unfazed; her sister’s suicide attempt shook her to the core. I could see it in her eyes. Kayleigh felt indebted to me for saving Peyton’s life, but we also agreed to never speak of it again; we weren’t sure how Peyton would take it. I had come clean to her months ago, and even though her dejected look said otherwise, she had been handling it very well.

Because it was spring break, Peyton and I had been spending a lazy afternoon cuddled up on her couch, watching old movies. “Do you hear that?” I asked, raising my ear to the ceiling.

“What?” Peyton asked, her body facing away from mine and toward the television.

I wrapped my arms around her body and pulled her in tightly, taking in her intoxicating scent. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing…we are alone.” It had been months since we had been able to share more than a few brief, fleeting moments together with no one else around. I had forgotten how natural it felt to have her in my arms; how right it felt.

I pressed my lips lightly to the back of her head, and I could feel her lean into it; lean into me. She twisted her body around so we were facing one another, then she reached her right hand up to my face and began outlining it with her fingers.

“What are you doing?” I whispered, unsure of why I did so.

“Capturing this moment,” she replied before leaning in and pressing her lips lightly against mine. “I was so worried we weren’t going to be able to get back here…” she admitted, pulling away from me slightly.

“I’m sorry…” I trailed off. “I’m sorry for making you doubt me.”

“Jace, I never doubted you…not for a second. I doubted myself; the moment you asked for a break—I doubted if I was good enough for you. I worried that you being confused meant Gia was better for you.”

I pressed my finger to her lips to silence her. “I don’t want to talk about Gia. I made my decision, and I know that I want to be with you.” I removed my finger but replaced it with another short kiss. “I love you Peyton, I’ve loved you for a very long time.”

Her brown eyes sparkled with my confession. “I love you too.” She was smiling so big, I couldn’t help but return it. I shifted our bodies so she was beneath me, stroking her hair gently away from her face.

I kissed her on her forehead then, my mouth lingering there for a few moments before kissing her on the cheek, and then the chin lightly.

“What are you doing?” she asked, giggling.

“I’m savoring you,” I answered before moving my kisses right across her jawline. She was getting worked up, I could tell by the death grip she had on the couch cushions.

My hot breath hovered over her neck for only a second before I lowered my lips to her skin; feeling her squirm. I traced my kisses lightly from her jawline to her shoulder blade, enjoying every moment I felt her shudder beneath me; her breath deepening.

Suddenly, the power shifted. Peyton had managed to trade places with me, and she was now straddling me. She rarely took charge, but when she did, God was she sexy. Her lips were now the ones trailing my jawline and neck. I grabbed her face in my hand, gently, and then kissed her furiously. I wanted to be closer; I needed to be closer. She deepened the kiss, allowing my tongue to enter her mouth, another move she rarely made. She was full of surprises today.

We were now heavily panting and fully grinding; our make out session turning us both on to the highest degree. Peyton had been reaching for my shirt when we heard the knock on the door.

Peyton sighed, shooting upright. “That’s probably Kayleigh.” She attempted to smooth down her wild hair.

In a way, I was thankful for Kayleigh’s interruption, Peyton was still a virgin and although she was known to get hot and bothered during a make out session, I had never pushed the issue. I never pressured her. I figured whenever she was ready, we would have the inevitable talk…the one where I would have to admit that I was not a virgin, and answer any questions she had about my confession. You could say I was not looking forward to it.

Twenty: Embracing the Darkness

It was third show A Change in Time had played since all the band was back in town; but instead of being fixated on my leading star, the vibrating from my pocket held my attention. I had counted how many times my phone had vibrated and then paused; three. Someone really needed to get ahold of me. A Change in Time was just beginning to set up when I decided I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I watched as Peyton shot me a confused look as I stepped away from my front row spot and out to the back of the venue, and then eventually outside.

Coincidentally, my phone was vibrating yet again when I made it outside. “Hello?” I answered anxiously, wondering who could be on the other end.

“Yes, may I please speak with Jace Austin?”

“Speaking.” My heart rate was beginning to pick up speed.

“This is Dr. Shafi from Mercy Health—your grandmother had an accident.” The voice on the other end spoke hesitantly.

My mind began racing. This is all my fault. If I had agreed to stay with her, I could have looked out for her…but selfish me, I decided to take Peyton up on her offer. “What kind of an accident?” My mouth felt dry.

“She fell. They sent her by ambulance earlier—but you are her point of contact.” The way he was speaking was not making me feel any better. To make matters worse, I could hear Peyton’s haunting voice through the cracks in the door; I knew she was probably worried about my quick departure as well.

“Is she okay?” I found myself asking quickly, my heart in my throat. My grandmother was one of the only truly selfless people I knew in the world. If anything happened to her, I would blame myself for all of eternity.

“Jace, is there any way you can come to Mercy Health?” The way he posed his question convinced me that she was not alright…

“Is she okay?” I asked again, frantically looking around at my surroundings, tears stinging the back of my eyes.

“Jace, your grandmother passed away earlier this evening.” My legs stopped working and I fell to my knees. This was all my fault. “Jace?” The doctor asked again when he didn’t hear anything but heavy breathing on the other end.

“How?” I asked through gritted teeth, angry at myself.

“She fell and broke her hip. We were able to get her in pretty quickly, but during surgery she had a major heart attack that took her life.”

My chest felt tight and I was gasping for breaths. She was all alone in her last moments…no one was there to hold her hand. I could have prevented all of this.

“Jace?” Dr. Shafi asked again after more silence from me.

“Is there any reason for me to still come?” I barely got the words out in an audible response.

“If you would like to say goodbye in person, I urge you to come. Otherwise, no, not really. I’m very sorry for your loss.” I couldn’t stand to hear any more. I dropped the phone onto the ground, shattering the screen.

I couldn’t see straight. I couldn’t think straight. My eyes were blurry from the tears cascading down them and off my eyelashes. This was my punishment for being so selfish. This was my doing.

I didn’t bother going back into the venue and telling anyone where I was going or what had happened. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I was obviously a menace to society.

Even though I had clearly driven to the show, I bypassed my car, walking nearly three miles before I found a run-down looking gas station and headed inside. The cashier was greasy looking with matted hair and missing teeth. I headed straight past him to the equally disgusting looking bottles of Olde English. I remembered when my father drank those. They were cheap and got the job done…but the taste…God, the taste.

I grabbed two big bottles and headed to the cashier, setting them down on the counter loudly.

“Are you twenty one?” The homely looking cashier asked in a monotone voice.

I nodded, keeping my head down. I had lost my fake ID at the Halloween on St. Patty’s Day party. To be honest, I hadn’t lost it—it had been taken away from me. It was only the fourth liquor store I had attempted to use it in, which called my bluff.

I pulled out a twenty from my pocket, and slapped it down on the counter. “Keep the change.” That would keep him quiet…the two bottles were no more than five dollars…he was making a fifteen dollar profit for keeping his mouth shut.

“Have a good day.” He accepted my trade as I made my way out of the dinky establishment; my feet feeling heavier than lead.

I battled an army of fruit flies as I exited the glass doors. I ended up walking another half a mile before plopping myself down in some dirt near the freeway. I’m sure to anyone passing by I looked like a transient. Honestly, I didn’t care anymore.

All I ever did was try-try to accept my brother even though he was the bane of my existence, try to make my father a better person, try to befriend a sadistic freak, and try to be the hero. I was tired of trying…all I ever did was fail. My brother was gone. My father was gone. Felix was gone. And now, my grandmother…I ruined everything I touched.

Quickly, I uncapped one of the bottles of Olde English and took a big, long swig, grimacing with its awful taste. All I wanted to do was forget. Forget that this was my life and I was the starring failure in it. I wasted no time downing the entire bottle in a few minutes, surprising even myself. My father hadn’t even been able to tolerate it enough to do that.

By the time I made it onto the second bottle I could feel the alcohol surging through my body; my arms, my legs. It was making me warm inside. After finishing all of the contents again within a record amount of time, I fell flat on my back, staring up into the sky. The clouds were swirling and twirling; mocking me.

Ironic that I fought for so long to free my father from the death grip alcohol had on him, and now I was allowing myself to succumb to it fully. Peyton was going to be beside herself with worry wondering where I had run off to and why I had chosen to leave behind my car. But all I could think of now was the heaviness of my eyes, almost like they were being anchored down. I welcomed the darkness with open arms before the rest of the outside world went quiet.

Twenty One: A Human Tug-of-War

I awoke with a jolt; a cold breeze slapping my face roughly. Opening my eyes, I realized I was outside. How long have I been out here?  I looked around my surroundings, making a mental note how dark the sky was. What time is it? I reached into my pocket to pull out my phone, only for it all to come flooding back to me; my grandmother was gone along with my phone. I swallowed loudly, jumping up onto the balls of my feet.

Peyton is going to kill me.

I pulled my arms tightly around my body, attempting to shield myself from the harsh winds. What I would have given for a sweatshirt or jacket. I slowly began making my way back towards the venue I knew my car was parked outside of.

Because it was so cold, my feet worked at a quicker pace, bringing me to the venue in almost half the time it took me to walk the opposite direction the night before. I reached my hand again in my pocket to make sure my wallet and keys were still secure. Check. As I approached my car, I noticed someone or rather two someones camped out on the trunk of my car.

Peyton was easily recognizable, but my stomach lurched forward as I realized her head was on Noah’s shoulder and they were both fast asleep. Great, exactly what I need. I didn’t bother waking them as I unlocked my car and popped the key into the ignition. I watched as they both quickly came to.

Peyton’s eyes were wide as saucers as she hastily jumped off the trunk and away from her human pillow to approach the driver’s side. Her eyes looked tired, sad, and most of all drained. It would have been apparent to anyone that she had been crying hard. Noah followed suit in a more protective manner.

She opened the door slowly, trembling as she did so. I could easily see now that she had a jacket draped over her shoulders, one I assumed was probably not hers. Noah was watching protectively from behind her. What I would have given to wipe that smug look off of his face.

“Where have you been?” Peyton asked in a quiet voice.

So many emotions were swirling inside of me, I had to think before I spoke. When I didn’t immediately answer her question, she continued.

“Do you even know what time it is? I’ve called you at least fifty times. I wasn’t sure where you ran off to; if something happened to you.” And even though her eyes looked all cried out, tears began to creep their way out the corners of her eyelids.

I instantly felt guilty. I really hadn’t thought about anyone but myself. It was one of the only times I could say without a shadow of a doubt I’d been selfish. I sighed loudly, attempting to collect my thoughts when Noah’s deep voice cut into them. “Come on Peyton, let’s go. It’s obvious he has nothing to say to you.”

I watched as Noah reached for Peyton’s arm and began tugging her the opposite way of my car. My heart rate spiked to an all-time high as I cut the engine quickly and jumped out of the car faster than he could blink, grabbing her other arm. “Let her go.”

“What the hell man?” Noah hissed back at me, a tight grip still fastened to my girlfriend’s other arm. To any outsiders, we looked like the picture perfect definition of a tug-of-war.

“Let her go,” I said again through gritted teeth.

“Have you been drinking?” Peyton asked after she apparently caught wind of my breath.

“Come on Peyton, let’s go—we can talk about this later.” I continued attempting to release Noah’s grip from her arm to no avail, causing the jacket she had keeping her warm to fall to the ground.

“Jace, you’re scaring me.” Peyton said in a tiny voice that broke my heart. It was the last thing on earth I wanted.

I dropped my head in defeat. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not letting her get in that car with you after you’ve been drinking. Go home, clean yourself up.” Noah was all sorts of helpful tonight.

“Yeah, well, luckily, you don’t make her decisions for her. Now beat it.” Peyton was still in the middle of the two of us, and our grips had not loosened in the slightest.

“Let go of me!” Peyton yelped; although I wasn’t sure who it was addressed to. Me? Noah? Both of us?

“You heard what she said, let her go!” Noah released his grip on her arm, and pushed her gently aside so he could get up in my face.

“Or what?” I pressed, knowing my actions and attitude were completely unlike me. Probably compliments of my earlier alcohol consumption.

He didn’t bother answering, instead letting his fist do the talking for him. His knuckles against my cold skin sent me flying against my car door and then to the ground.

“Oh my God!” Peyton shrieked, instantly falling to my side. “Are you okay?”

I was rubbing my face gingerly, attempting to soothe the pain.

“Go home Noah,” Peyton said in the shortest tone I had ever heard her use.

“But…” he began, to which she interrupted him again, only this time, she got up in his face.

“Go home,” she repeated through a tight jaw.

“Fine, suit yourself.” Noah threw his arms up in surrender. “You deserve better than this, Peyton, and you know that.” I watched as he grabbed his jacket from the dirty ground, wiping it off as he did so.

I grinded my teeth agitatedly as I watched him finally turn around and begin walking the opposite way.

I turned my attention to Peyton, my face softening. “Peyton…”

“Don’t!” Was all she said angrily, quickly hopping up to her feet.

I followed suit, still rubbing my sore face gingerly.

Peyton climbed into the driver’s seat without another glance at me. I slowly rounded the car to the passenger side, opening the door and climbing in. We drove in silence for what felt like hours. I kept opening up my mouth to speak, then closing it softly, unsure of what I could say to make the situation any better.

When we were inevitably a few blocks away from her house, I finally found the courage to speak. “I’m sorry.” Okay, it wasn’t a prize winning apology—but it was a start.

Tears began forming at the corner of her eyes again and my heart strings pulled. I gently placed my hand on top of hers. “I’m so sorry, Peyton.”

She pulled into the driveway, cutting the engine; neither of us moving an inch. She couldn’t even look me in the eyes. She was avoiding all eye contact with me swiftly by staring out the driver’s side window. After what had to have been the most excruciatingly nerve-wracking moment of my life, she finally spoke. “You just left…without saying a word. You just got up and left me…”

“Peyton…” I attempted to explain myself when she cut me off.

“No!” She said forcibly. “You didn’t want to talk, so now it’s my turn.”

I swallowed roughly, realizing just how upset I had made her; just how unfair I had been.

“Don’t you dare do that again,” Peyton hissed. “I had no idea what happened to you. I was so close to calling all the hospitals in the vicinity to see if you had been admitted.”

My chest felt tight as I felt the anguish and pain from her words. Her big, round, brown eyes were brimming with tears. I couldn’t stop myself; I grazed the side of her face softly with the back of my hand.

“I’m sorry I made you worry…” I whispered in a soothing voice.

Instead of pulling away, she leaned into it. “I don’t know what I would have done if…”

She didn’t have to continue for me to know where she was headed with that statement. “I know, I was selfish, and for that I am deeply sorry. You know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you right?”

She nodded lightly.

“Peyton, you’re all I have left. I can’t lose you too.” I had been an emotional wreck the past couple of years. It was hard to imagine just how much I had been through; how far I had come.

“What happened tonight?” Peyton asked. “Why didn’t you answer any of my calls?”

“About that…” I began. “I’m going to need a new phone.”

“What?” she asked, a confused look spreading across her face.

“I might have broken and misplaced it.”

Her eyes widened as I continued.

“I want to talk to you. I want to talk to you about everything, and I will, I promise you, but I’ve had enough heartache for one night. Can we put this to rest just until tomorrow?” Although her facial expression read one of confusion and anxiousness, she hesitantly agreed.

Just as she began to reach for the door handle, I stopped her. “I love you, Peyton Lane.”

Her posture softened at my confession. “I love you too.”

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through tonight, honestly. Noah was right, you do deserve better than me…I’m sorry for holding you back.”

She looked back at me with an incredulous stare. “You’re the best person I know, Jace Austin; everyone is entitled to a couple of off days a year. Just don’t make it a habit.”

I didn’t deserve her, but I wanted her, I lusted for her, and I was going to do everything in my power to make it all better.

Twenty Two: The Most Unexpected Surprise

It didn’t take me long to come clean with Peyton on the reason I had pulled my disappearing act. It was almost unfair how quickly she forgave me for my fuck-ups. She spent the next week glued to my side, probably afraid of my growing unstableness. Her parents had also been more than accommodating, allowing me freedom to come and go as I chose. They knew I was hurting; I was in pain, and they wanted to help ease a little bit of the tension.

I had grown to hate funeral homes and churches; so depressing they were. I spent way too much time in them after the school shooting and even before with all of my family’s tragedies. I was simply adding another to the list.

It was surprising to me how many people showed up to give their condolences. I wasn’t sure half of the crowded building even knew my grandmother personally, but they were there to show their support. Peers, students, and teachers alike filled the small church where the ceremony was being held. The newspaper that housed her obituary referred to me as Day Height’s ‘local hero’.

I felt nothing like a hero, and I definitely didn’t feel worthy of all the attention and light being shone on me. Besides Peyton, I really didn’t have many other people I shared my true feelings with; my insecurities.

A few days after my grandmother’s funeral, I was called by her lawyer. They had her will and I was asked to be there for the reading. My Uncle Richard was there too, along with my cousins Roman and Randy. It was only the third time in my life I was meeting my dad’s brother and his kin. I was merely a baby the first time, and not much older than eight years old the second time. They had always lived overseas, stationed with the military. It was uncanny his resemblance to my late father. I had to blink a good ten times before I realized it was not Frank walking towards me, but his sibling.

Although I had informed him of Frank’s passing, Richard and his family had not been able to make it down for the intimate ceremony we held for his brother. I almost thought it was better that way. Having to have the awkward conversation about me being the reason for his passing was not on my agenda. Not that they didn’t have access to all the news reports on it and my trial.

“Jace Austin! Is that you?” Uncle Richard’s voice boomed loudly. He was smirking widely, taking me in.

I nodded. “Uncle Richard, how have you been?”

He embraced me in a brief hug then released me. “Oh, you know the military; always keeping us busy.” He glanced behind him at his two sons staring us down. “Do you remember your cousins?”

I nodded slightly. “Vaguely.”

“That’s right, you were all pretty young back then. Randy, Roman, come say hi to your cousin, Jace.” He motioned with his hand for them to join us.

My cousins were a couple of years younger than me; probably no older than sophomores in high school, but they towered over me like their father. They all had the same sandy brown hair and blue eyes that had become a staple in my family.

“I’m sorry about all that you’ve had to go through. I know we haven’t had a chance to spend a lot of time together in the past, but I hope you will let me make it up to you now.” My uncle’s eyes glossed over; he looked like he was about to cry.

“It’s okay, Uncle Richard, it wasn’t your fault.”

He shook his head in an irritated fashion. “I’m his brother; I should have been there and I’m sorry. I hope you will forgive me.”

I hugged him for a long time after that, soaking in the feeling of family. It was something I hadn’t felt in a long time. The sound of a door opening was what eventually separated us; my grandmother’s lawyer had come out solely to herd us back into her office.

It didn’t take long for my grandmother’s lawyer to decipher her will for us. She left her house, her car, and all of her physical possessions to Richard and his family to do with it as they pleased. I never expected anything, so when her lawyer told me I was the sole heir to her life insurance policy, my jaw dropped to the floor.

I hadn’t been hurting for money in a while. Oddly enough, I had also been the sole heir to my father’s life insurance policy. You could imagine my surprise when I found out. For someone who hated me with everything in his being the last year of his life, I was surprised he would have left me with such a gift. With the two policies put together, I was walking away with over $250,000.

For the first time in my life I could do anything my heart desired; money was no object. Even with that knowledge, the first thing that popped into my head was simply spending time with Peyton, no matter the capacity.

I spent the next couple of days with my Uncle and cousins before they returned back to France. I was thankful for any semblance of family I could get.

*              *              *

Seeing my uncle and cousins had been therapeutic for me. It reminded me that while Jax and my father had both seemed like poison, the rest of our family was wildly different. In fact, the only thing about my uncle that even resembled my father was his looks. His laid back, calm demeanor was one you would come to expect from a man who had been in the military. He was very humble and genuine and I was almost jealous of my cousins for having such a normal childhood. Being in the military wasn’t necessarily normal, but the lack of physical and verbal abuse within the family was.

It was the weekend after they had left and a beautiful Sunday, so I decided to go for an afternoon run. I was just making my way back towards the opening to the park when I noticed a camera crew walking towards me. At first I looked around rapidly wondering what they were doing in the deserted park, and then, I realized very quickly that they were fixated on me. My new iPhone began buzzing in my pocket, demanding my attention. I reached for it and swiped my finger across the screen to answer. “Hello?”

Even though I recognized the voice; even though I knew without a shadow of a doubt who was calling; it was still hard to believe.

“Yes, may I speak with Jace Austin?” the familiar voice asked through the speaker of my new phone.

“Speaking.”

“Jace, do you know who this is?” The cameras in my face were difficult to ignore as she awaited my answer.

I nodded, swallowing loudly.

“Jace, its Kelley!”

She didn’t have to elaborate. I knew full well the voice of Kelley Lacey. Peyton and I had spent many a school night enjoying her quirky talk show. It had been on the air for almost six years now and was one of the most watched daytime talk shows in television history.

“I think he’s shell shocked,” she stated, chuckling. It wasn’t hard to imagine an entire studio audience laughing at my clammed up responses. “Do you know why I am calling you today?”

With the camera still pointed at me, I shook my head no.

“We received a letter from a very concerned girl, who filled us in on the tough year you’ve been having.” My heart began racing as I knew without a fraction of a doubt the girl she was referring to was Peyton.

I rubbed my hand anxiously back and forth through my short hair. “Yeah…” I hated being the center of attention.

“Jace, I want to invite you to Los Angeles for a weekend retreat and I’d love for you to be on my show next Monday.”

I wasn’t sure I heard her right. Kelley Lacey is asking me to be on her show? What in the world did Peyton tell her about me? I swallowed again, sensing the eyes of the world on me, awaiting an answer. “Okay,” I said softly.

“Do me a favor will you?” she asked. “Bring Peyton along too. I’d love to meet the beautiful person who wrote that heartfelt letter.”

“Yes ma’am,” I answered.

“Well Jace, I have to run, but my team will give you all the information on your upcoming trip to LA and we will see you soon!” Her voice was a bubbly as ever.

“Thanks Kelley,” I managed to get out before I heard the click of the phone.

The camera men immediately ceased filming and handed me a packet of some sort. “What is this?” I asked.

“Everything you will need for your trip; plane tickets, hotel reservations, directions to the studio.”

I took it in my hands, still having trouble believing any of it was real.

Peyton never ceased to amaze me.

*              *              *

I met up with Peyton later in the day, anxious to hear more about the letter she had penned to the infamous Kelley Lacey.

“Seriously…how did you do this?” I asked as we walked alongside each other in the same park I had been tracked down in earlier that day.

“I didn’t really do anything but write a letter, Jace…this was all you,” she responded, looking down as we walked.

“Why would she want to meet me?” I was still having trouble wrapping my head around it.

“Because you are unlike any person I have ever met.” Peyton stopped walking abruptly, looking up deeply into my eyes.

“Yeah, it’s because I’m toxic; I poison everything I touch.” My bitter mood still hung over my head like a black cloud.

“You have no idea how many people’s lives you have touched and changed for the better. You saved my life on more than one occasion. You saved Gia’s life. You saved even more lives when Felix attacked the school. Can you not see that?”

No, I couldn’t. What did I see? I saw my mother dead, my brother dead, my father dead, Felix dead and my grandmother dead. How could she not see the pattern I did? Death followed me like a stray cat. “What if I disappoint them?” I was referring to America. What if they see right through me?

“Not possible,” Peyton answered without another moment to spare. She reached up her hand, caressing my face gently. “They are going to fall in love with you—just like I did.”

I feigned a smile; my stomach still doing summersaults. “You ready for a trip to LA?”

Chapter 23: As Close As Physically Possible

The week seemed to drag on; I guess that’s how it feels when you are anticipating something in a big way. It was the third week in April and quite warm outside. The sun was shining down brightly upon us as we were whisked away by limo to the airport, courtesy of Kelley. Peyton called it being shown the royal treatment; I couldn’t say I disagreed.

I wasn’t sure what to expect of the weekend trip and our upcoming meeting with Kelley. On one hand, I was excited for a change of scenery and to finally be able to spend time alone with Peyton without any distractions. On the other hand I was nervous beyond belief that they were making a big stink about me; a nobody from Ohio.

As we boarded the plane, we were treated to first class seats and attentive stewardesses. I could already tell this was going to be a life changing trip. Good or bad, I wasn’t quite sure yet...

After our four and a half hour long flight we were again carted into a limo and dropped off at the hotel we had been set up with for our stay. I had never stepped foot in a Four Seasons hotel before, but there was a first for everything. Peyton’s eyes were wide as saucers as she took it all in. There were beautiful crystal chandeliers hanging from the ridiculously tall ceilings and stunning marble floors to go with it.

Kelley did not disappoint in the least. In fact, she had hooked us up with the Presidential suite; one of only two in the entire hotel. It probably cost quadruple the amount of the normal rooms, if not more. Peyton gasped as we entered the ginormous suite. It was close to 3000 square feet and included three bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, grand piano, fireplace, and a glass enclosed Jacuzzi tub.

“Holy shit,” Peyton exclaimed breathlessly as we entered the large suite.

I quickly tipped the bellhop and then watched as he left, leaving us still stunned to silence.

Peyton made her way to the master bedroom, dropping her suitcase on the bed. “This is so incredibly beautiful.” I heard the click of a door and followed the noise, only to see Peyton had found two double doors off the master bedroom, leading to a balcony. It gave us an amazing view of Los Angeles.

“So, what do you want to do first?” I asked, somewhat exhausted from our long flight.

“The only time I’ve ever been to California was when I was a little girl. I was probably only seven at the time, and my parents took Kayleigh and me to Disneyland. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to experience now that I’m older.” She was definitely speaking my language.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, illuminating the screen so I could see the time. “It’s kind of late today to be able to experience it in all of its greatness…why don’t we plan to spend the day there tomorrow?”

“That works for me,” Peyton replied, removing her purse and moving towards me. “I can’t believe we are here…actually here.” I couldn’t either. If someone would have told me that this was going to be my payoff for all the crap I had to withstand throughout my life, I would have scoffed in their face.

I took the few last remaining steps toward Peyton, closing the distance between us. “There isn’t any other person I would want to experience all of this with than you.” I reached my hand up to her face, first tucking some stray hairs behind her ear, and then cupping her cheek.

She leaned into my hand with her face, closing her eyes, enjoying the caress. I couldn’t remember the last time we had been able to enjoy the closeness of one another without a care in the world. “God, you have no idea how much I have missed you.”

She opened her eyes quickly, staring intently into mine. “Jace, I’m standing right in front of you.”

I dropped my hand from her face and then turned away from her slowly. “I know, but I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff these past two years to keep us apart. None of it was intentional, believe me…but I wish I could get that time back every day.”

“You know I forgive you for all of that,” Peyton replied softly, putting herself yet again within my eyesight.

“I know, but it doesn’t excuse my actions. It took me so long to come to terms with my feelings for you originally; all the time I have wasted since then, really messes with my head.” I shook my head, guilt spilling off me.

“Well, let’s make up for some of that time here and now—on this trip,” she exclaimed lightly, taking my hand and leading me out to the balcony and the breathtaking view of the city.

“What are we doing?” I asked from behind her, staring out at the city.

“We are taking advantage of every moment we have together—as if it’s our last.” She turned around to face me, her back to the concrete railing.

We spent the next few moments breathing each other in; really savoring one another. I traced my fingers across her cheek, lightly over her jaw, and her scar. I moved them gently to her lips before she pressed her lips to my fingers.

She took my hand, pulling it towards her mouth, kissing it lightly. Without waiting any longer, I traded places with her so my back was now pressing up against the railing. I lowered my lips to hers, slow at first, and then more eager as she deepened the kiss. It felt like an eternity since I had last been able to enjoy my time with Peyton without any consequences.

She was moaning into my mouth, turning me on to the highest degree. I wasn’t in control of my actions anymore as I quickly picked her up in my arms and carried her into our suite.

“This seems familiar…” she whispered into my ear seductively as she trailed her hot breath and kisses across the length of it, driving me wild.

I gently laid her on the bed, climbing on top of her. My lips had made their way to her jawline and then her neck. By the time they had made their way to her shoulder blade she was practically squirming beneath me. My hands were traveling from her legs, up to her torso and back again. I loved watching the way her body fidgeted underneath me.

I found her mouth again and lowered mine onto hers in a heated kiss. With each brush of our lips, the passion increased and I could feel her shuddering beneath me with excitement.

If I wasn’t careful I was going to devour her in one sitting…and I wasn’t sure Peyton was ready for that yet. I pulled away lightly from her, standing up and smoothing my pants down. I was beyond excited down there, and trying to hide it from her was going to be tough.

“What are you doing?” Peyton asked breathlessly, reaching for me.

“I don’t want to get too worked up right now,” I answered, running my hand through my short hair. “I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything you aren’t ready to.”

She sat up instantly, still staring me down with those captivating brown eyes. “I trust you.”

“Well that makes one of us,” I joked, turning and heading towards the bathroom.

I could hear her giggling as I exited the master bedroom. “Where are you going?”

“It’s a surprise…” I whispered back before locking myself in the enormous bathroom.

It was no feat to find candles, matches, and even bubble bath. Quickly, I lit the five candles I was able to find and positioned them around the big Jacuzzi tub. I then turned on the water, making sure it was hot enough and added some bubble bath to it. After close to ten minutes of suspense, I opened up the door, only to be met with my girlfriend on the other side. “What are you up to mister?” she asked, poking me in the chest, and peeking around me into the bathroom.

“I drew you a bath. It was a long day—I thought it might be a nice surprise.”

Her eyes blinked back and forth between me and my surprising gesture. “No one has ever done something so sweet for me before.” Her eyes looked glossy, as if she might start to cry.

“Hey, this is supposed to make you happy—not sad,” I said quickly, hoping she didn’t shed a tear.

“I am happy…you have no idea how happy I am.” She kissed me aggressively then, her body ramming into mine, throwing me into the door.

It was as if we were ravenous—for each other. I had never felt more passion in my entire life. It wasn’t long before my lips were traveling all over her exposed body. Clothes went flying. Instead of a solo bubble bath for her, it became a bubble bath for two. I had never felt closer to Peyton; more intimate.

I rubbed my hands up and down her bare back in a soothing fashion, watching her lean into me; the bubbles dissolving as I did so. My lips trailed her neck wildly, my tongue flicking it lightly. She was moaning with pleasure. I was getting harder by the minute. As much as I had wanted to wait when it came to Peyton giving herself to me fully—I wasn’t sure how much longer I could withstand it. Being in such close proximity and naked was increasing my heart rate tenfold.

We spent the next hour in the bath together; the tension growing with each passing minute. By the time I carried Peyton back to the bed, it was an unspoken agreement between us and our longing stares. This was it. I wanted to go slow, be gentle, knowing it was her first experience…but her fingernails digging into my bare back were driving me all sorts of crazy. It was her first time; our first time and it was beautiful.

We spent the next hour taking our time exploring one another. No one had ever come close to the way I felt about Peyton and after this experience, no one ever would. After what would end up being one of the most intense moments of my life, we curled up together in a blanket, next to the fire.

I always knew Peyton was different…I always knew she was out of this world.

Chapter 24: Lights, Camera, Action!

“The loss of a mother, the loss of an identical twin brother, physical abuse at the hands of his father, justifiable homicide, and a school shooting, all within a two year time span—sounds like the premise of a bad Lifetime movie, doesn’t it? Well, unfortunately for my next guest, this has been his real life over the past twenty four months. They are calling him a hero, a fighter, and he has quickly become a household name. Help me welcome Jace Austin to the show!”

The audience erupted with cheers, but all I could hear as I walked out onto the black stage, surrounded by cameras and a full studio audience, was my madly beating heart. I quickly glanced out to the front row, attempting to catch a glimpse of Peyton, but the spotlight was obstructing my view. I could slightly make out her tangerine dress and my heart rate began to slow.

You’re not alone.

I flashed my best on-air smile for the audience, cameras, and host Kelley Lacey, before reaching out to shake her hand. She dodged my attempt and instead embraced me with wide arms. “Have you ever seen my show before Jace? We hug here!”

I had seen her show; many times. That’s why I was so surprised when she asked me to be on it. Topics like my life story were not a usual staple on it. Her shows tended to be upbeat, rewarding good people all over the world for their selfless acts. Everything in my life and past had been so dark and dreary, definitely the opposite of what her show stood for.

“Take a seat, take a seat.” She motioned with her hand to the chair onstage as she took her rightful spot. “Thank you so much for agreeing to be here today.”

“Thank you so much for inviting me,” I replied.

“How has your trip been so far?”

“Oh, it’s been incredible. You really pulled out all of the stops Kelley, and I’ve been enjoying myself fully.” I remembered what Peyton had told me earlier—just keep smiling and everyone will fall in love with you. My cheeks felt sore from the perma-smile that had been plastered across my face since the moment I had walked out onstage. Unfortunately for me, given my history, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep my expression the same during the entire taping. I knew Kelley was going to be firing some tough questions at me and I only hoped I would be able to hold it together in front of America.

“Good for you, you needed some happiness in your life for once.”

Uh-oh, here it comes…

She was setting it up so that she could lead into my troubled history.

“I feel like there has been so much that has transpired throughout the last couple of years in your life, I am thoroughly impressed you are sitting here today with me and even half the man you are.” Her compliment really blew me away; the audience cheering as her statement hit them.

I nodded, my eyes dancing around the audience. “Thank you for saying that.”

“Now Jace, for the two percent of people watching at home who haven’t been following the news actively, can we discuss what brought you here today?” Her eyes were smiling back at me, but I could feel the hesitation in her voice. She was treading lightly, being respectful of me and my troubled past, and I appreciated it.

I swallowed deeply, then nodded, rubbing my hand against my cheek gingerly. Would she start from the beginning? Would she delve right into the school shooting? Or would she let me take the reins? The anticipation was killing me. I could feel the sweat beads on my forehead forming as I felt the room grow unnervingly quiet and all eyes fell on me.

“I know we have a lot to discuss, but first of all, I want you to take me back there, to the day a peer of yours brought a gun to school and executed seventy four of your classmates, teachers, and even your own principal.” Hearing her reveal the gruesome details had my stomach churning. It had taken months after the incident to feel even a fraction of normal in our hometown.

It was a depressing subject to speak about, but if I could help prevent further school shootings in the future, I felt like it was my job to bring awareness to the dark subject. “I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach all morning that something wasn’t right. It was an uneasy feeling I couldn’t seem to shake.” I paused, the terrifying memories flowing through me. I swallowed deeply, again, my eyes immediately searching the front row once more to make sure she was still there in attendance.

It was as if they had dimmed the lights as I began to recount the gruesome details. I could finally see Peyton clearly in the audience and as we briefly locked eyes she told me silently through an intense stare that it was okay to continue. I ran my hand through my hair, uncomfortably; all eyes on me. “I was on a bathroom break when I heard the first few gunshots. I knew immediately what was happening. I could hear screaming and running and it wasn’t long before I joined my peers in an attempt to escape the shots being fired.”

The audience remained deathly still and you could hear a pin drop as I continued. Some audience members had their hands over their mouths, my details shocking them to the core. “My girlfriend Peyton was in a class on the opposite side of the building and after I heard the first few shots, my main focus became finding her and making sure she was safe.”

Kelley nodded, digesting the information I released. “They said that you were the reason the shooter was stopped and taken down and that you prevented more bloodshed, can you elaborate on this?” She was reading from notes on a notecard in front of her.

I nodded lightly. “After I found my girlfriend, Peyton, and I knew she was okay, I knew I needed to do everything in my power to stop him. I called 911 and they dispatched multiple units from our local police department. They arrived in less than fifteen minutes, seconds before the gun was turned on me.”

There were gasps from the studio audience.

“Now, Jace, there have been reports from other survivors who have spoken out about the shooting that you knew the gunman on a personal level, is that correct?” Thanks for reminding me.

I nodded again, contemplating how to approach my answer. “His name was Felix Porter and we had been assigned to work together on a history project.”

“Did you know him very well before you were assigned as partners?” Her blue eyes were focused so intently on mine, I had to break contact with them.

I shook my head no. “Felix kept to himself. He didn’t talk to many people and for the most part, people steered clear of him.”

“For the most part?” she pressed.

“Felix wasn’t your average high school student. His normal attire consisted of a trench coat and combat boots. His hair was longer than many girls at our school. Because of this, he was the target of quite a few incidents of bullying.” I rubbed my arm which seemed to have raised goose bumps at the memories of Felix.

“How many times had you witnessed Felix being bullied?”

“A few times,” I answered honestly. “But I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing.”

“So you stood up for him?”

I nodded slowly. “On more than one occasion.”

“Let’s go back to that day. You can hear the shots closing in, what were some of your last thoughts?” She was staring intently at me.

“I was hoping the police would hurry up. Felix saw me before I saw him. He tried to let me leave unharmed.”

“So, the same person who had gunned down so many of your peers and classmates in cold blood attempted to allow you to live?” she asked; the question a very grim one.

I nodded. “I guess he thought he owed me.”

“Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you weren’t there to potentially pause his attack on the school, how much further he would have taken it?” The question was not one I wanted to answer in the slightest.

“He wouldn’t have stopped,” I replied simply.

“Okay, we need to take a break, but when we get back we will delve further into Jace’s dark past. Hold tight,” she spoke to her live audience and cameras simultaneously. “How are you feeling?” she asked me during the first commercial break.

“I’m okay,” I answered honestly. Instantly, my eyes searched the crowd for Peyton. My heart rate began to slow when I saw her staring back at me. “Can I?” I motioned towards Peyton.

“Sure, go ahead, we have thirty seconds left.” Kelley took a sip of her water as I jumped up quickly, making my way to the edge of the stage and jumping off of it right in front of Peyton.

“How am I doing?” I asked as soon as my arms were wrapped around her body.

“You’re doing great, babe.” Just hearing her voice and knowing she was there for me made me feel like I could go into any battle and come out victorious. “You can do this,” she whispered into my ear.

I released her and quickly kissed her on the lips before hopping back onto the stage and beside Kelley.

“Welcome back,” she addressed the cameras and her audience. “We’ve been handling some tough topics here today. Sitting alongside me is Jace Austin of Day Heights, Ohio, the young teenager who brought down a school shooter along with his local police department’s help.”

I nodded slightly as the audience finished clapping.

“Now Jace, the police reports say you tackled the gunman, in turn, nearly killing yourself.” She wasn’t really asking a question, more so, stating the facts.

“He was only going to let me go. I had already seen too many victims fall prey to his attack on our school. I wasn’t willing to lose Peyton as well.” I looked out in the audience, locking eyes with her. “I was willing to do whatever it took to bring him down.”

“Even if that meant losing your own life?”

I nodded without hesitation. “She is my life.”

I heard the audience collectively sigh like they had just been subjected to the most romantic gesture.

“I think we’ve been waiting long enough to meet this mystery girl you so willingly put your life on the line for. What do you say guys? Do you want to meet Peyton?” I don’t think I had ever heard louder cheering in my life.

I hadn’t expected them to call Peyton up to the stage, but was grateful. Now, I could have her seated right next to me as I relived the gory details of my life.

I watched her long tangerine dress flow behind her as she ascended the stairs and the producers brought out a third chair, seating it right next to mine.

Peyton was glowing. I swear I had never seen her look more beautiful. As soon as she took a seat next to me, I grabbed her hand in mine, squeezing it lightly. The audience ‘oohed’ at my public display of affection. I couldn’t help but blush. America in its entirety was watching me profess my love to her.

“Hi there, Peyton,” Kelley greeted her.

“Hi Kelley.”

“You have one hell of a boyfriend, but I don’t need to tell you that, do I?” She smiled politely back at Peyton.

Peyton locked eyes with me quickly, her hazel eyes capturing mine. “Not even for a second.” Again the audience reacted to our mutual affection for one another.

“So, we got to hear Jace give an account of what happened that grim December day, but you were there too, right?”

Peyton nodded, tucking some of her brown curls behind her ear. Her brown eyes sad. “I was there.”

“Tell me what it was like, hearing the shots, knowing the gunman was closing in, and witnessing the deaths of so many of your peers.”

“It was…heartbreaking. I was terrified like all of my classmates.” Peyton’s eyes became glossy as she had to relive the details.

“Did you think you were going to die?”

“Absolutely. One hundred percent.” Peyton paused, taking in a shaky, deep breath of air. “Jace told me he wasn’t going to let anything happen to me, but when you witness others being shot right in front of you, it’s hard not to expect the worst.”

“Did Jace save your life?” Kelley asked, looking up from her notecards.

“Without question. If he hadn’t tackled Felix when he had, I honestly believe I wouldn’t be sitting here today.” She squeezed my hand lightly. “He was fearless when he needed to be.”

The audience erupted into cheers again.

“We’re going to take a short commercial break, and we’ll be right back with Ohio’s favorite hero,” Kelley said.

Peyton and I had two minutes before we would be back on the air.

“You two are so adorable,” Kelley said softly, touching Peyton’s arm as she did so.

“Thank you,” Peyton replied for the both of us.

“How long have you been together?”

We both shifted our eyes to one another, smiling. “How long has it been?” Peyton asked me. “Eight months?”

I chuckled knowing full well most girls would have memorized the date and framed it by now. But Peyton was unlike any girl I had ever met. I nodded. “Yeah, that’s about right.”

“Well you two sure seem very devoted to one another.” Kelley was smiling brightly back at us. “You ready?” She was referring to the cameras about to begin rolling.

“As ready as we’ll ever be,” Peyton answered for the both of us, yet again squeezing my hand gently.

“Alright, we are back today with Jace Austin, Day Height’s local hero and his beautiful girlfriend, Peyton.” She waited for the audience to quiet down before continuing. “So, Jace, not too long after the shooting, you again graced the headlines in yet another incident involving a gun, correct?”

The audience reactions were loud and in charge. I could hear people sucking in loudly, unaware of my history.

I sighed loudly, attempting to quiet my heart which was now pounding against my ribcage. I hadn’t spoken out about what had happened with my father to anyone other than Peyton and the police. I was still coming to terms with all of it. I nodded eventually, finally able to make eye contact with Kelley.

“Tell me what happened…”

“Well, unfortunately for me Kelley, death seems to follow my family. I lost my mother in a terrible car crash a little over a year and a half ago. Nearly a year later my brother met the same fate in a drunk driving accident.” I could hear the audience’s reactions as they realized just how much I had been through; just how much I had lost. I could see their reactions, and surprisingly there were people I didn’t even know being affected so much so, I could see tears spilling down their cheeks. “My father took their deaths really hard, taking a lot of his anger and frustration out on me.”

“Are you telling me that your father physically hurt you?” The way she posed her questions was strategic, as if she didn’t already have the answer right in front of her. As if she hadn’t seen the live coverage of my trial.

“I’m saying that my father made a lot of mistakes, yes.” I nodded, choosing carefully how I worded my answers. Although my father hadn’t won any awards as father of the year, I didn’t want to tarnish every memory I had of him…I didn’t feel like that would be fair.

“We have the 911 call audio from that day…do you mind if we play it for the audience and everyone at home?” I didn’t really feel like I had a choice, so I nodded, remaining quiet.

Everyone listened as I confessed to shooting my father. More hands went up to cover mouths as people found themselves shocked by what was on the tape.

I couldn’t deal with their eyes burrowing into me now. I couldn’t handle that they were now questioning my character. “It was classified as justifiable homicide. I acted on impulse to save a friend.”

“Your trial was one of the biggest ones of the year. Do you know the mayor himself signed a petition to have all of your charges dropped?” That was news to me. Kelley was releasing details of my case I had never been aware of before.

I shook my head lightly. “I didn’t know that.”

“Some people argue that you got away with murder.” I had heard this accusation before. Mostly, it was people naïve and unaware of my family history; of my history.

“And that’s their right,” I answered swiftly. “But if that were true, I don’t believe I would be sitting here today.”

The audience clapped lightly at my statement.

“Touché,” Kelley replied.

“Can I say something?” Peyton spoke after what felt like an eternity of silence from her.

“Of course, go right ahead.”

“Jace has saved my life more times than I can count. He saved countless lives the day of the school shooting and then he selflessly saved his friend the day he shot his father. He has had to deal with more than anyone that I have ever known and he’s always done it with grace and integrity. He owned up to his own mistakes and he did the time. I wasn’t willing to watch him rot in jail for making the world a better place.” She locked eyes with me then. “I knocked on every door and spoke to every citizen of Day Heights who would entertain me because he would have done the very same for me. He didn’t deserve to go to jail, and if they hadn’t let him off with justifiable homicide, I would have never stopped fighting for him.”

The audience erupted in cheers louder than I had ever heard before. My girlfriend had just done it again. Peyton was the best decision I had ever made.

Chapter 25: Am I Being Punk’d?

“Well, I bet they weren’t expecting that.” Peyton smiled back at me on the plane ride home. She was referring to me declining a check for ten thousand dollars from Kelley Lacey.

“I’m sure they weren’t.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. To anyone else, ten thousand dollars could mean anything. But I had money, already, and I knew there were others who needed it more than me.

“They panicked when you turned it down.” Peyton squeezed my hand lightly. “I could see it in Kelley’s eyes.”

I nodded silently. “The families of the victims deserve the money.” Instead of accepting the generous offer, I asked Kelley Lacey if she could make the check out to an organization instead; Hope in the Darkness. It was an organization which had been created after that fateful December shooting; an organization that helped raise awareness to mental illness while also giving back to the families of the victims.

Losing a loved one was not easy. Apart from grief, the families of the victims found themselves faced with funeral charges, burial fees, memorial costs, and more. I wanted to be able to give even a little bit back to them. Although I could never grant them another face to face with their lost loved ones, it was the least I could do.

“That’s why you are Day Heights’ hero.” Peyton nestled her head into the crook of my neck as we began our final decent into Cincinnati.

I kissed the top of her head, savoring the moment, knowing this was going to be the last time we were going to be able to travel with one another for a long time. Peyton had made the decision to take part in Twisted Tour with her band, a Change in Time, which meant she would be off traveling alongside them for nearly three months. “I need to hurry up and write my college essays.”

Peyton picked up her head and looked longingly back at me. “You have so much material at your disposal, I don’t think you’re going to have any trouble coming up with some topics to write about.” She yawned lightly, running her hand through her long hair. “Did you decide where you want to go?”

Obviously I wanted to be wherever she was, but with her postponing college to explore singing, I wasn’t entirely sure where that was going to be. I shrugged. “I need to do a little more research.”

There were a few majors that interested me, social services, acting, and even art. Social services was definitely the most logical route, but I was known for going against the grind, and luckily for me, it almost always worked out.

“Madison told me they’re holding auditions for a major motion film that is going to begin filming in June, why don’t you audition?” How does she do that? It had to be her other super power; reading minds.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“You don’t have to doubt yourself in front of me you know.” Peyton eyed me down as the captain came on the speakers asking everyone to take a seat, buckle up, and prepare for landing.

“I don’t…I feel like I can fly when I’m with you.”

Peyton giggled at the statement, her eyes wandering around the aircraft. “Good one.”

*              *              *

We had been home for close to two weeks. With our graduation looming, Peyton had been spending endless amounts of hours practicing for the tour. I spent the time preparing college applications, looking for an apartment, and spending time with my closest friends.

“I don’t know why I let you talk me into this…” Eli groaned. In all fairness, we had been standing in line for close to three hours, and still hadn’t made an enormous amount of headway.

“What else would you have been doing?” I challenged him.

“Sleeping.”

“Well this sure as hell beats sleeping.” I punched him in the shoulder.

“I beg to differ.” The sarcasm dripping off of his voice made me chuckle.

“I heard they are not only looking for extras, but also speaking extras! That means more money. Weren’t you just complaining the other day about not having a job?”

Turns out Madison had been correct about the feature film casting and filming in our neighboring town. Because I was still unsure of where my future was headed, I decided to go. Dragging Eli was a last minute decision that I was beginning to regret by the minute. He had no patience. Hadn’t he ever waited in line for tickets to his favorite movie? Tickets to his favorite show? The way he acted told me no.

“This is no guarantee Jace! Plus, we’re up against thousands of others—do you really think we are going to stand out?” He had a point, but I had always been an optimist; a glass half full kind of guy.

“You can leave whenever you want Eli, no one is making you stay here.”

“You’re my ride man!” he whined yet again.

“Yeah I am, and if you want a ride back, you’ll suck it up and quit your bitching.”

He looked down, glaring back at me. Even though he was taller, his intimidation tactics didn’t work on me.

After another hour passed, we had finally made our way inside the building they were holding the open auditions at. It was an old church with high backed, wooden benches. Sun snuck its way through the stained glass mural that was located near the entrance.

Elijah had been called into the audition room before me and judging by how quickly they pulled me in, I assumed he must have either done a fantastic job or a terrible one.

“Who is this?” I heard one of the heads ask quietly from the white long table positioned at the front of the room. They had my head shot in front of them as I walked in, all studying it.

“He looks really familiar—what’s his name?” A middle aged man with silver hair asked.

“Jace Austin,” I answered the question, knowing it wasn’t directed at me.

All four heads popped up from my picture and I was now staring at four different sets of eyes.

“Jace Austin,” the middle aged man spoke again. “Have you been in any tv shows or films that we may have heard of?”

“Just my real life.” I smiled slightly as the two females at the table giggled at my response.

“I know you!” The younger gentleman finally spoke. His finger pointed directly at me. His dark eyes lit up as the realization played across his face. “You’re the local hero from the Westview shooting that’s been all over the news the past six months.”

The others seated at the table took a moment to digest his accusation.

The Native American woman looked back and forth between me and my picture that was still in her hands. “It is you…”

I had been hoping that they wouldn’t recognize me, therefore, giving my acting skills a fair chance, but unfortunately, I was not that lucky. I swallowed, attempting to buy time for a good response, running my hand nervously over my short hair.

There was no point in lying now… “Yeah, that’s me.”

It was quiet for a moment while they really let my words sink in. Finally, the Native American set my picture down, scooted her chair back, and began making her way towards me. Her dark eyes were kind and she had her arms outstretched like she was going to embrace me. Luckily, I had gotten used to people wanting to invade my personal space, so I welcomed her hug.

“Thank you for what you did,” she whispered into my ear as her arms still enclosed my body.

I nodded, assuming she could feel my head movement with how close we were.

She released me and then made her way back to the rest of the casting table. “So what brought you here today?”

“Well, I enjoy acting. It’s always been my escape from reality. My girlfriend told me about an open audition for extras, and seeing as I’m not working right now, I figured I had some time.” I wondered what the rest of the extras were thinking; the ones behind me in line. Can they hear what’s going on in here?

“Okay great. Did they give you a paper?” The silver-haired gentleman asked.

I nodded, pulling the creased paper from my back pocket. It was examples of the possible one-liners they could be casting for.

“Do you want me to begin?” I was a still a novice at acting and unsure of the correct behaviors.

They all nodded in unison without a response.

“We don’t choose our future, our future chooses us.” I read the first line, pausing, unsure if I should continue or not. When it was still silent, I continued.

“You have to decide which side you are on in this war—the Liberators or the Deceivers, which one is it going to be?”

Just as my eyes landed on the third line, the blond female, who had been silent up until that very moment rose her hand in the air, halting me. “That’s enough.”

I must have blown it.

“Thanks for your time,” I said, turning on my heel to exit out the side door.

“Jace!” I heard my name, stopping me in my tracks. I doubled back to find all eyes on me, yet again.

“He’s unknown,” I heard the younger gentleman exclaim softly.

“He’s known all over the country. He’s a hero. He is our Fenton,” the Native American woman spoke with authority. “People are going to flock to see him in action, you know it, and I know it. Fate has a funny way of playing with emotions, but he is the reason I didn’t connect with any of the previous actors who auditioned for the role of Fenton.”

“He’s inexperienced. Are you serious?”

“As a heartbeat. Jace has experienced real life trauma; tragedy. He is going to be the selling point of the movie, not the script.” She approached me once again. I was looking between the lot of them, confused exactly what was being insinuated.

“Fenton who?” I asked, still unsure I was following.

“Jace, how would you like to be the star in the world’s next biggest phenomenon?”

Chapter 26: Damn Near Perfect

Since the day of my audition, it was like someone had pressed the fast forward button on my life. Everything was happening so quickly, I wasn’t sure I could keep up. Before I knew it, we had graduated, and in less than a week Peyton was to join Twisted Tour with her band. It was going to be difficult, being away from her for three months, but we had been through so much together, time was the least of my worries.

It didn’t take me more than a couple of minutes in the old church to decide that I was ready for a change; ready for a challenge. I had never heard of the Strategic Arms series before, but after I was casted as Fenton, I was urged to quickly go out and buy the books in which the movie was based. I wasn’t a big reader so Peyton quickly agreed to read the books with me—give me more incentive.

As it turned out, the Strategic Arms series was a young adult sci-fi and fantasy series which had quickly gained traction amongst its readers and in its genre. Nearly a million readers had sunk their teeth into it before the film rights were optioned. The character I had been casted for, Fenton, was the main male lead. He was in charge of the Liberators and a hard ass. I liked that he was so different from me, daring and dangerous.

Because the romance was a big part of the script, they had to find the perfect female lead who had undeniable chemistry with me. It was not an easy process. With less than a few weeks until filming began, the casting directors had still not found a perfect fit. I wondered if they would postpone filming if they couldn’t find her.

I had been given my script almost immediately and Peyton had been amazing enough to do a few run-throughs with me before she had to leave. She wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about the kissing scenes, but she understood it was simply acting.

Eli was dumbfounded that out of the thousands who auditioned, I was chosen. He said it was as if they had found a needle in a haystack. I couldn’t say I disagreed, but I was excited for the opportunity that awaited me.

“I don’t want to go…” Peyton murmured from beside me on my new bed inside my new apartment. She had been helping me run lines and dropped the script onto the bedspread.

“I don’t want you to go,” I replied honestly, pulling her in closer.

“God Jace, so much is happening…so much has already happened.” She was lying on her back, my arm behind her head, looking up at the ceiling.

“I bet you couldn’t have predicted any of this two years ago.” I glanced over at her, taking in her beauty. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders and chest and her hazel eyes sparkled. Her lips were full and round. I just wanted to kiss her until I couldn’t kiss her anymore.

She shook her head no. “I wasn’t expecting you. You surprised me.”

I broke into a wide grin. “I tend to have that effect on the female population.”

“Hey!” She hit me playfully.

I chuckled, reveling in what would be some of our last moments together.

“I’m really going to miss you, ya know.” My facial expression turned serious. Although I wasn’t looking forward to being apart for three months, I was excited for Peyton. She had worked so hard for this.

“I’m going to miss you more,” she said, nuzzling her face into my chest.

“Not possible.” I poked her in the side, causing her to tense up.

She sat up quickly, looking down at me. “Do you think we can survive this?”

At first I thought she was still joking, but one look into her worried eyes, and I knew she was having doubts. “How could you ever ask that after how much we’ve been through?” I sat up so we were now on the same eye level.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged, looking down into her lap. “Three months is a long time. You’re going to be surrounded by pretty girls and I’m going to be following my dream. What if we aren’t the same at the end of it all?”

“We probably won’t be. But, I’m going to need you to keep me grounded—to remind me where I came from.”

She sighed, obviously still bothered.

“I professed my love to you on national television…that has to count for something right?” When I saw the corners of her lips curling up into a smile, I knew I had chosen the right thing to say. “You still going to be my date for the premiere?” Valor, the movie I had been casted in wouldn’t even be in theatres for another year, but I liked to plan ahead.

“You really don’t think anything is going to change?” Her eyes still held worry behind them.

“I never said that…” I paused, attempting to find the right words. “You want to tell me what is really bothering you?”

“I just don’t know what you are going to see in me once you get a taste of the perfect girls from Hollywood.”

I scrunched up my nose, making an equally entertaining facial expression. “When have I ever wanted perfection?”

It was as if I had said the right words yet again. Peyton let out a long breath of air it appeared she had been holding in.

“Everything in Hollywood is fake—it’s all a joke of perfection as you would say. You have always been the realest thing in my life. I love you, Peyton Renee Lane.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck quickly. “You’re perfect. You’ll fit in wonderfully.”

I couldn’t help but scoff at her statement. “I’m far from perfect and you know that. Now come here.” I shifted our bodies so I was now on top of her, staring into her eyes deeply. I ran my fingers lightly over her eyebrows.

“I love your eyebrows—they’re always the first thing to give you away if you’re lying.” I kissed them each, one by one, tracing my finger across them after.

I moved my finger to her nose, slightly running it across the length. “I love your nose, it’s the first thing to smell trouble.”

Peyton began squirming underneath me, giggling softly. “What are you doing?”

“I’m showing you that anyone can be perfect in someone else’s eyes.” I moved my fingers down to her cheeks, trailing the back of my fingertips across it. “I love your smile. You have the most incredible pair of dimples that only shows when you’re undeniably happy.

“Like now?” she asked, smiling big and bright.

“Like now.” I kissed each cheek delicately, moving my lips dangerously close to hers.

She moved her head in an attempt to catch my lips, but I pulled away slightly, shaking my finger in front of her eyes. “Not yet.”

“I love your chin.” I traced my fingers across it seductively. “There is something incredibly sexy about it.” I kissed the middle of her chin then lightly traced her jawline with my mouth.

“Oh, just shut up and kiss me already!” Peyton grabbed my face in her hands and roughly smashed her lips against mine. When I finally kissed her back, I could feel her moan in my mouth, her body melting further into my bed. Our lips were in the ultimate wrestling match as she lightly bit my bottom lip, sucking it softly, turning me on like none other.

Her lips were eager for mine, and mine were eager for hers. Our hearts were beating wildly, in unison. I pulled away quickly, grabbing Peyton’s hand and pressing it against my chest. In turn, I pressed my palm against hers.

“What are you doing?” she asked breathlessly.

“Do you feel that?”

She nodded, still attempting to regain control of her breathing. “You’re a part of me Peyton. You have been since the day I found you.”

“I used to dream of the perfect boyfriend. I used to wish on countless stars for him. And then you showed up and changed my life forever. You weren’t perfect—you were so much more than that. You were made for me.” I kissed her hungrily then, without even knowing if she was finished. I always knew I wanted Peyton—longed for her, but she didn’t express her side of the story as often. It was nice to hear that I had made such a profound impact on her. She was my best friend, my lover, my life saver. No one could ever compare.

*              *              *

It wasn’t long before the casting directors for Valor found my match. Her name was Angelica Frost, and although she wasn’t exactly a novice, she wasn’t widely known either. I knew from the moment I heard her speak the first lines from her character, Trinity, that she was it. There was something about her, and while we had amazing chemistry, I could tell right off the bat we were going to be fast friends.

Peyton left for Twisted Tour and made sure to check in every couple of days. We would exchange our crazy stories about the lives we couldn’t believe we were living and spend even more time counting down the days until we would be reunited. Her band had been doing so well at the Up & Comers stage that the founder of the tour had already made plans to invite A Change in Time back the next year, to a bigger stage. Everything was falling into place in each of our lives separately, I found myself thinking back on her question, ‘How will we survive this?’ Every day that we delved deeper into our passions, every day we were separated a little bit more.

I couldn’t wait until we were back in each other’s lives on the regular. I knew it wouldn’t be long after we wrapped filming for Valor that the previews would begin to air. Things in my life were beginning to spiral at an obnoxiously fast rate…and for the first time, it was all positive. It was difficult to think of all that I had to endure the last two years to end up where I was today. I missed my mother with every fiber of my being. I could only hope she was watching from above, smiling down on me. Even with all of the mistakes I had made, I had no doubt in my mind that she would be proud of me.

Although I had lost my passion for life when I had met Peyton, she had reintroduced me to it. She was who I had to thank for getting me into acting. She was who I had to thank for giving me a reason to wake up every morning and try to be a better person. People had never understood my immediate attraction to her—but I had with every ounce of my being. I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. And while I didn’t know exactly what the future held for us, I knew that I wanted her in my life, and I was going to do everything in my power to keep her in it.

Epilogue

Even though he tried to convince me otherwise, multiple times, I never fully felt like I was enough for Jace. Even after he saved my life multiple times, chose my life over his brother, and tackled a gunman…I still had my doubts. He was as close to perfect as I had ever come, and I still pinched myself daily, trying to convince myself it wasn’t all a dream. What took me forever to realize was, he wasn’t perfect. Not even close to it. It was a deceiving illusion. But one thing I was positive of? He was perfect for me.

Chapter Three

The Road Back to Us

The Road Back to Us

A Foundation Novel

By: Kira Adams

The Foundation Series

Pieces of Me

The Fighter

The Road Back to Us

Copyright © 2015 Krista Pakseresht. All rights reserved.

Cover design © Hilda at Dalliance Designs

Edited by Joanne LaRe Thompson

http://kristakakes.blogspot.com
https://www.facebook.com/KiraAdamsAuthor
http://www.wattpad.com/user/xKiraAdamsx
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7179367.Kira_Adams

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes only.

Table of Contents

Copyright

One – I Knew My Worth, and it wasn’t Some Half-Assed Relationship with a Movie Star

Two – I Let My Career and Fame Get in the Way, and I Lost the Love of My Life

Three – I’m Not a Home Wrecker

Four – What Happened to Us Against the World?

Five – I Feel Like I’ve Just Gotten out of the Boxing Ring; More Battered and Broken than When I Walked in

Six – It Felt Like Someone Reaching into My Chest and Squeezing the Life out of Me

Seven – Anything I Say Can and Will be Used Against Me

Eight – Every Cell in My Body is Telling Me to Pull Her into Me and Never Let Go

Nine – I am Going to Chop Him Up in Tiny Pieces and Scatter Them so that No One Can Ever Piece Him Back Together Again

Ten – I Don’t Want to Exist in a World Where We Aren’t Together

Eleven – For a While there, I Had Forgotten What it Felt Like to be Looked at from those Eyes

Twelve – I Feel Like Someone is Clawing at My Brain, Their Fingernails Getting Stuck in the Flesh

Thirteen – Jace Could Say Unicorns Fart Rainbows, and all the Women and Girls in the Audience Would Still be in Awe and Fascinated with Him

Fourteen – Somehow, I Managed to Turn the Scandal of the Year into the Love Story of the Year

Fifteen – So We Had a Rough Start, but We Are Sisters, We’re Always Going to Have Each Other’s Back

Sixteen – I Just Want to See Her—I Just Want to See My Wife

Seventeen – If This is the End, Thank You for the Memories

Eighteen – Wherever She is, I Just Hope She’s Safe

Nineteen – I on the Other Hand, Am the Epitome of Shaken, Stirred, and Straight Up Desperate

Twenty – I Am Running on Empty

Twenty One – Funny How I’m Surrounded by People That Love Me, but There is Only One Person Who Makes Me Feel Safe at all Times, and That’s Jace

Twenty Two – I Was So Worried After Our First Year Apart That We Would Never Find Our Way Back to One Another

Twenty Three – I Stare at Him, My Husband, and Realize That He…He Gets Me

Twenty Four – I Didn’t Think I Would Get a Chance to Say I Love You Again

Twenty Five – You Never Know What Tomorrow Might Bring

Twenty Six – It was Simple Minded of Me to Think I Could Maneuver Through Life Without Her

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Books by Kira

Preview of A Date with the Devil

One: I Knew My Worth, and it wasn’t Some Half-Assed Relationship with a Movie Star

Reborn

© 2015 DarienMae

You always told me I’d be nothing

I’ve always believed I’m destined for greatness

I’m going to prove you wrong again

There’s no stopping me, it’s only the beginning

Never be

Never be me

All the haters never bothered me

I know my true potential, and I can finally see

Never be

Never be me

Listen to the words of this song

Before it’s over, I will prove you all wrong

Never be

Never be me

You always told me I’d be nothing

I’ve always believed I’m destined for greatness

I’m going to prove you wrong again

There’s no stopping me, it’s only the beginning

Never be

Never be me

You never, never, never knew me

You never, never, never saw me

You’ll never, never, never be me

So just let it be

You never, never, never knew me

I am reborn

You always told me I’d be nothing

I’m going to prove you wrong again

Gotta fight, gotta fight, gotta fight, fight, fight

I’m going to prove you wrong again

Peyton

I feel like I’ve been run over by a semi-truck. No, scratch that, a train. I feel like I’ve been pummeled by a train. My head is throbbing and my throat feels like sandpaper. I swallow a few times, and then slowly open one of my eyelids. I would open both, but that would take double the effort. As the blurriness from my vision begins to dissipate, my eye lands on the lights lining the ceiling. Strange. I don’t remember my bedroom having that many lights.

I attempt to sit up when I realize I am being pinned down by a heavy object. Irritated, I open my other eye and glance down where a dark tanned arm is stretched out across my stomach, holding me down. My heart begins beating erratically. I turn my head and see a handsome man passed out beside me. He is shirtless, and his shoulders are well-defined. My eyes glide over his face, he is Hispanic, no doubt, with black hair and gauged ears. He has a small soul patch and a large circular tattoo right between his shoulder blades. I don’t recognize him from Adam. My eyes dart about the room, attempting to locate anything familiar, but I don’t remember anything from last night, much less the room I am in or the guy who has me pinned to the bed.

My heart is pounding in my ears as I delicately pick up his arm and slip out from underneath. It takes no more than a few seconds to realize I am fully naked and standing in an unfamiliar room with a stranger. I reach for the sheet that had been covering my body and rip it from the bed, wrapping it around myself. Turning, my eyes search the floor, of what appears to be a hotel room, for my clothes.

“Good morning, Firecracker,” a deep, velvety voice says followed by a yawn. “Did you sleep well?”

I spin around, frazzled, holding the sheet tightly across my bare body. I am racking my brain, trying to remember something, anything from last night. “Do you know where my clothes are?” I ask, my eyes shifting nervously around the room.

The guy begins to chuckle, dimples forming on both his cheeks. I’m not talking about small dimples, I’m talking the melt-your-heart-off kind. “You don’t remember anything about last night, do you?”

I cringe. The way he speaks about it leaves my stomach in knots. I shake my head dismissively.

He stands up, the comforter covering his body falling by the wayside, and I get an eyeful. His large erection hard to miss. I shield my eyes spinning around.

“What?” he asks playfully. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Great…I’m a slut. A whore. I’m disgusted with myself.

“Look, if you can just tell me where my clothes are, I’ll be out of your hair,” I say, still covering my eyes.

The stranger begins opening drawers, and I hear shuffling about. “Here.” I feel his warm breath near my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

I think about turning around, but I’m not sure I’m prepared for another show, so I remain planted firmly, simply holding my hand out behind me. I feel soft fabric being placed into my palm and I bring it to my eyes. It is a pair of men’s sweatpants and a grey V-neck t-shirt; neither of which are mine. I spin back around to see the guy has located something to cover himself. He is now wearing red and black basketball shorts, and my mind instantly wonders if he is wearing underwear or commando underneath it all.

Get it together, Peyton.

“Do you mind?” I snap, quickly tugging the sweatpants and shirt over my bare body. Once I’m dressed, I spin back around. “Want to tell me what happened to my clothes?”

He chuckles, those damn dimples making an appearance once more. He rubs a hand over his tired face. “You burned them last night.”

“I…what?” I screech.

His grin only gets bigger, irritating me.

“Something about shedding yourself from anything that had to do with, and I quote, ‘Jerkface’.” His eyebrows raise animatedly. “I’m not sure who he is, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that he must have really screwed up.”

My stomach drops.

The dress I was wearing yesterday was one of my favorite presents from Jace, when we were still dating.

We tried to make it work after I left for Warped Tour and he began filming, but then the tabloids got involved. Every single issue had another cover story about Jace and his new co-worker Angelica Frost, dating. There were pictures everywhere. They were the hottest thing in Hollywood, why wouldn’t people want to see them together? Not to mention, even if it wasn’t the truth, they were spending a lot of their downtime together, and he was spending less and less time communicating with me. They were contracted for the entire Strategic Arms series, so Jace is going to have Angelica in his life for years to come, whether he likes it or not.

We stayed together while I toured, but after six months of bickering and limited communication, I pulled the plug. I knew my worth, and it wasn’t some half-assed relationship with a movie star.

Of course Jace tried to fix it by calling, texting, emailing, and even sending dozens of roses, but I was over it. I didn’t bother opening any of his messages. If he couldn’t make the effort when it really counted, he didn’t deserve me.

“Who are you anyway?” I ask, eyeing the exotic God in front of me.

He chuckles, his brown eyes twinkling. “My name’s Luis, I’m the lead singer of Free Falling.”

I wasn’t sure my stomach could dip any lower, but it did.

Free Falling is one of the biggest pop-punk bands out, currently. They have two number one singles and are the newest rage in the music industry. They always perform with hoods and sunglasses, so I’m surprised to finally be face-to-face with one of the members without their familiar disguises.

“Wait, did you come to our show last night?” I ask.

He nods, smiling. “I came to do some scouting for bands to add to my new label. I saw you guys play, and I approached your band after the show. We set up a meeting to discuss joining the Blue Runs Black label.”

I swallow. “Are you shitting me?”

He laughs heartily. “You’re one strange cat, you know that?”

I grab my forehead in shock, spinning around. A real life record label wants my band. I don’t know if I should be mortified that I had sex with the head of the record label and lead singer of Free Falling, or if I should feel proud.

“Listen,” Luis says softly, standing up. “We both had a lot to drink last night. What do you say we go get a bite to eat and discuss our shared future?”

I nod, still in a daze.

My life is about to change, and I’m not sure I’m prepared.

Two - I Let My Career and Fame Get in the Way, and I Lost the Love of My Life

Jace

“So you have a phone conference at ten with Justice to discuss a few potential new offers, a lunch date with Angelica at one, and then your appearance on Kelley at 2:30.”

My face falls. “Kelley is today?” I ask shortly.

Chenise looks at her planner and then back at me. “Yes, remember? You’ve been putting it off for months, and you told me to just go ahead and schedule you.”

I groan.

“I-I’m sorry,” Chenise stammers. “Did I do something wrong?”

I sigh loudly before standing up and making my way over to the bar. I pour myself a shot of bourbon. “No, it’s fine.”

“You’re drinking at eight in the morning, are you sure everything is okay?” Chenise asks timidly.

I glare back at her as I down the shot. “I’m sorry…I must be confused. I thought I was the one signing your paychecks?”

She pulls back like I’ve slapped her in the face, her honey blond curls whipping back with her. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

I pour myself another shot and down it within seconds. “Do I have to do lunch with Angelica?” I ask, strolling back over to her.

Chenise looks back at her notes. “Justice said this lunch is important. InTouch and Style are going to be there. You’re proposing to Angelica, remember?”

“I’m what?” I bark, jumping back from the shock.

“Yeah. Oh no…did I forget to tell you?” Chenise’s face goes pale white.

“I need another drink for this,” I say under my breath as I race back over to the bourbon. I’m two more shots in when I finally feel as though I can breathe again. “Why on God’s green earth would I propose to Angelica?”

Chenise’s cheeks grow a bright shade of pink. “Justice said you two have been dating for eight months now and that’s like three years in normal people years, so he said it only makes sense. He sent over the ring the other day.”

I feel like I might lose it. “We aren’t really dating!” I bite out.

When I first landed my agent, he began setting up “random” run-ins between me and the other lead from the Strategic Arms series, Angelica Frost. At first I thought it was a coincidence, then I noticed the growing paparazzi that just seemed to know each and every move I was making. Not soon after, my agent set up a meeting with Angelica’s agent and it was decided for us that a “relationship” would be in our best interest now that we were getting international recognition. It came hot off the heels of my break-up with Peyton, so I said to hell with it and went along with their crazy plan.

The problem is, I can’t actually stand Angelica. She is the total opposite of Peyton in every way—materialistic, selfish, high-maintenance, and more. Not to mention her crazy sexcapades that have nearly blown our cover time and time again. She’s out of control, with a convenient love affair of cocaine. You could say any attraction I felt for her initially has flown out the window, but I’ve become a master at faking it when the cameras are on. It doesn’t help that I blame her for some of the demise of my relationship with Peyton. She didn’t have much of a choice either, but I can’t help the disgust I feel when I think of her.

“Jace?” Chenise calls out my name, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Do you want me to cancel the lunch?”

I shake my head, irritated. “No. It’s definitely going to be an important day.”

*              *              *

I see her lengthy cascading dark locks long before I see her face. I am walking up from behind her and I can see that she has her compact mirror out and is applying endless amounts of lip gloss as she always does. She doesn’t even bother looking up from her mirror as I take a seat across from her.

“Hey, babe,” she greets me unenthusiastically.

To be fair, Angelica is no more excited than I am, to be dating one another. In fact, if I took a guess, I’d say I bore her.

“Hey,” I reply with equal enthusiasm as a waitress sets down two glasses of water.

“Can I get a glass of Perrier Jouet?” Angelica addresses the waitress without bothering to break her stare with her mirror.

“Sure,” the server responds. “And for you sir?”

I wave her off. “I’m fine for now. I won’t be staying long.”

This seems to finally get the attention of Angelica. “What? But I thought…”

“Here’s the thing,” I cut her off without remorse. “I’m over this.”

She stares back at me blankly. “Excuse me?”

“I’m done being puppets in the game Justice and Syble created for us.” Syble is Angelica’s agent. She’s been in cahoots with Justice since the very beginning. This whole fake relationship fiasco was their genius idea.

Angelica’s eyes widen, and then begin shifting around nervously looking for prying ears. “You can’t do that, Jace,” she whispers under her breath.

“Actually, I can,” I reply with a straight face. “And I am.”

Her expressions morphs into a scowl. “Not if you don’t want to upset our shared fan base,” she threatens me.

“Funny thing, Angelica, I’ve been following the forums lately and it seems as though people would rather see me with someone else. Someone, how should I put it…? Classier.”

She is shooting me daggers from her glare.

The waitress returns with her glass of overpriced champagne, and senses the tension immediately. “Are you guys ready to order or would you like a few more minutes?”

Angelica turns to her, plastering a fake grin on her face. “Do you mind giving us a few more minutes to decide?”

The waitress nods. “Sure, no problem.” Then she walks off leaving us alone. Well, we’re not exactly alone, there is a gaggle of paparazzi across the street capturing our intimate lunch date.

Angelica focuses her attention back on me, snarling.

“I had a sneaking suspicion that this union was benefiting one of us more, for a while now; I just didn’t realize who it was until today.” I take a sip of my water. “You need me to help subdue your party girl image and I…well, honestly, I don’t need you.” I forgo the straw this time, taking a big gulp from my water and then standing.

“You’re going to regret this,” Angelica exclaims bitterly, her eyebrows narrowing over her piercing honey eyes.

“The sad part about this, is you’re not a bad person, Angelica. You’re just not someone I want to be associated with, personally.” My words this time seem to cut her much deeper than anything I’ve said thus far.

“You slept with him!” I shout, pointing my finger directly in her face. “I can’t believe I ever considered marrying you!” I make it a point to be over-the-top, and judging by the loud snapping I hear from the cameras across the street, I know my every move is being documented.

Angelica’s mouth is hanging open in shock and terror.

Even the restaurant patrons who are also seated outside, are staring directly at my display.

Time to take it home, Jace.

“We’re over!” I continue animatedly. “If we aren’t working, I don’t want to see you!” And then I spin around and begin marching off. Half of the horde of paparazzi frantically follows me, and the other half stays on Angelica.

I know I am going to get reamed for this stunt from Justice, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m in control of my life.

*              *              *

“You did what?” Justice shouts into my ear so loudly through the phone, I have to hold it at an arm’s length away. I am on my way to Kelley, and he obviously just heard the juicy tabloid gossip like the rest of the world. I’ve already seen my face on TMZ, Cosmopolitan, and US Online, and I know that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

“I’m sorry, Justice, I know you and Syble were really counting on my relationship with Angelica to increase our fan base, but I just couldn’t pretend anymore.” I glance over at Chenise who is seated beside me in the SUV, staring blankly at the screen of her phone. I know she is just as shocked as my agent.

“There has to be something we can do to fix this. A public make-up, or something. I’ve already called Syble and she said Angelica is good with something like that.” Justice is scrambling to clean up the mess I left for him.

“No,” I say simply.

“But…”

“I said no,” I repeat myself calmly. “I don’t think I need to remind you that you work for me.”

I hear a sharp intake of breath on the other side of the line and it makes me want to chuckle. I’m sure Justice wants nothing more than to strangle me for this entire fiasco.

“Alright then. I will call Tiffany and see what kind of recourse she can come up with for this,” he says shortly. He is referring to my publicist, Tiffany King. One of the best in the game. “Was it Angelica? We could always look into hooking you up with someone with a more wholesome image.”

“No,” I say again, shutting him down. “From now on, we’re leaving my love life up to me, understand?”

Silence fills the line until Justice finally caves. “Alright. What is your plan for Kelley? I’m sure she’s heard the news.”

I sigh. “Kelley has tact. She’d never ask me about such a fresh break-up on-air.”

“How can you be so sure?” Justice tests me.

“I just know.”

*              *              *

“Jace Austin!” Kelley greets me with a warm hug. “It’s so good to see you again!”

I take a seat in the chair next to hers. “Likewise,” I say over the rambunctious audience.

The cheers emanating from the audience are even louder than the first time I appeared on her show. She allows the audience to quiet down before she continues. “Oh my gosh, it feels like forever since you were on my show last…doesn’t it?”

I chuckle. “Yeah, it really does.”

“So much has happened since your last appearance. For one, you accepted a part as Fenton from the Strategic Arms trilogy, which they’ve been calling the next Hunger Games.”

I nod as the audience cheers on loudly. “Valor broke worldwide records by raking in nearly three hundred million its first weekend in theatres, and you’ve already finished filming Fortitude, is that correct?”

“Yeah, we wrapped about two months ago.”

“And when is that set to release?” she asks, looking between me and her notes.

“March 20th,” I reply, but I’m drowned out by the audience reaction.

“Tell me, how much has your life changed since we saw you last?” She is staring at me.

I take a deep breath. “Oh wow, a complete 180. You never realize just how much you value alone time and privacy until you don’t have it anymore.”

She giggles. “Well put. Well, if you weren’t a household name before, you definitely are now.” She shuffles her notecards around in her hand. “Now, I saw Valor, and I was absolutely blown away. It was hands down, by far, the best movie I’ve seen.”

“Thank you, that really means a lot,” I reply, flashing a charming smile.

“So, tell me, how does it feel to be part of something that is literally shaping history?”

I exhale, digesting her question. “It’s amazing. We have an incredible cast and crew, and I feel extremely blessed and honored that I get to be a part of it.”

“I heard that you guys like to have fun on set—especially you and Tyrone.” She is smiling widely at me.

I laugh. “Yeah, Tyrone and I are definitely the pranksters of the group, and we do our best to keep things interesting.”

“Tell me about the last prank you two pulled off,” she urges me.

I break into a wide grin. “Well, right before we wrapped the movie, we locked Tim, our Director, and Jason, our Producer, out of their trailers and turned all the furniture upside down. All the furniture that wasn’t attached to the ground that is.”

The audience breaks out in loud laughs and cheers.

“Well, as you know, we love pulling pranks here, so I thought you could help me pull off one on my receptionist. Her name is Theresa, and she is obsessed with you.”

The audience continues to be loud and riled up.

“I’m serious,” Kelley continues. “Her background on her computer is a picture of you.”

I chuckle. “Alright, so, what did you have in mind?”

“Well, Theresa has been looking forward to you being on the show so much, she literally has a calendar that she has been crossing out days on. She can’t hear us right now because she’s in the lunch room on her break. I’m going to send you in there with an earpiece and you’re going to do what I say, alright?”

I nod smiling, rubbing my hands together. “I can’t wait.”

*              *              *

Kelley turned me into the male version of a prima donna for our prank session on her receptionist. When I first entered the lunch room, the poor girl shrieked so loud, I thought she might pass out from excitement. She timidly came up to me asking for a picture, and I had to follow Kelley’s instructions and brush her off telling her that I only take pictures when monetary compensation was involved. I asked if she wanted to pay me for a picture, and she asked how much it would cost. Kelley instructed me to say twenty-five pickles and a green tea. The poor girl was opening up every refrigerator, hoping to swipe someone’s jar of pickles. The audience was beside themselves in a fit of giggles and after five minutes of torture, we finally gave her what she was looking for—a picture with me, after we revealed our prank.

My time on Kelley was so laid back this trip, I was relieved. Not only did she not bring up Angelica and our status, she left Peyton out of the conversation as well. I was beyond thankful.

By the time I make it home, I collapse onto my bed, tired from the taxing day. Chenise positions herself in my doorway within minutes of our arrival. “Anything else you need from me right now?” she asks timidly.

I sit up, looking at my assistant. “No, go ahead and take off for the day. I’m sorry for being an asshole earlier.”

Her eyes widen. “It’s okay.”

I sigh, rubbing my face. “No, it’s not. I know this lifestyle has changed me, I’m aware of it, but I’m trying to be conscientious about the way I treat others. I don’t know how I’d survive without you, and I mean that, so thank you.”

A small smile forms upon her lips. “You’re welcome.”

“Now get out of here before I change my mind,” I tease, falling back onto my bed.

I hear her scurry away and then the door downstairs close shortly after. I know I am alone. I pull out my phone, logging onto Facebook. The first thing that pops up on my newsfeed is a post by Entertainment Tonight. The headline reads, “A Change in Time signs to Black Runs Blue label.” I swallow, scrolling through the article. There is a picture of the band posing with the lead singer of Free Falling, Luis Rodriguez, who is also the head of the label. My eyes linger on Peyton’s smile. She looks happy. A small pang in my chest begins to grow as I realize this big step in her life was taken without me.

We haven’t spoken in almost nine months. I’ve tried reaching out a couple of times, but never gotten a response. I miss her and always wished she would have allowed me the chance to explain everything…but at the end of the day, I know I am to blame for our break-up. I let my career and fame get in the way, and I lost the love of my life. I haven’t been able to listen to her music, just as I’m sure she hasn’t been able to see my movie. The thought that she may have moved on haunts me daily. I haven’t stopped thinking about her, not even for a second. I’m just hoping and wishing that things get easier as time goes by, that I can learn to live without her somehow.

Three: I’m Not a Home Wrecker

In the Zone

© 2015 DarienMae

Teach me some moves

Pull me into you

Whisper in my ear

Things I shouldn’t hear

I never meant to

Fall in love with you

The beat dropped so quickly

It made me dizzy

I’m with the beat, I’m in control, I feel the fire within my soul

In the dark is where I’ll be, ready to dance to this sick ass beat

Sipping whiskey like it’s my last, I feel my world begin to flash

In the zone is where I’ll be, under the lights like a dancing queen

I feel like letting myself go, feel like letting myself go, feel like letting myself go

On the dance floor

I’m feeling it, I’m feeling it

I’m feeling it, I’m feeling it

I’m filling up my cup

I feel like letting myself go, feel like letting myself go, feel like letting myself go

On the dance floor

Burning up, set me free, in the zone forever I’ll be

Burning up, set me free, in the zone

Peyton

It’s our first studio session with the new label and the pressure is on. I know that in order for this to work, we have to produce quality tracks that can be played on the radio. You could say I’m beyond nervous.

“So, we are going to begin with an EP of five songs. We want to garner interest and gauge people’s reactions. So knowing this, what songs would you guys like to include?” Luis addresses the entire band.

We all exchange pondering glances, but I know Noah and I will do the majority of the decision making.

“Deuces Wild,” Brooklyn states without hesitation.

I nod, holding up one finger.

“This is Me,” Noah chimes in. I throw up another finger.

“Traveling,” Harper throws in her vote. We are past the halfway point, and I know I better speak up soon.

“On Tour,” Madison beats me to the punch. And then suddenly all eyes are on me.

“What?” I ask, startled.

“You want to choose the final song?” Noah pipes up for the entire band.

I nod, smiling. My band knows me all too well.

I inhale deeply. “I’d love to do Bone Breakin’.”

“Alright, so we have our song list,” Luis states, glancing at me and then the rest of the band. We need to spend the next few weeks getting everything perfect. We’ll start with guitar and drums and once those are laid down for all the tracks, we’ll call the rest of you in for your individual parts.”

I can’t help the smile that is spreading like wildfire across my lips. I’ve wanted to record my music in an actual studio for as long as I can remember, and now that it is finally happening, everything seems to be going right in my life for once.

*              *              *

After the meeting with Luis, the girls and I decide to grab lunch at a local restaurant.

“So, how are you feeling now that you’re back home?” Madison asks. Brooklyn has only recently moved back to Day Heights from Atlanta, and I know it’s been a bit of a transition for her.

“It feels like home,” she responds giggling. “There’s still not much to do here, like normal, but I’m happy not to be commuting so often anymore. I’m sure I have a few free flights by now from all my air miles.”

We all laugh in understanding.

“So, how do you guys think it’s going to be?” Harper asks.

“What?” Madison prods her.

“Living together!” Harper exclaims like her question was so obvious to begin with.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s going to be fine,” Madison replies.

“Being friends and living together are two separate things…don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Harper takes a sip of her water, eyeing each of us down.

“Gee, thanks, Mom!” Madison jokes.

The server brings our two orders of nachos and my mouth salivates at the sight of the food. I guess I didn’t realize how hungry I was.

“So, did you get a chance to see Valor yet?” Harper asks the girls and I can feel the tension and uneasiness almost immediately. “Oh, whatever, she can’t avoid him forever…and plus, it’s an amazing movie! I’ve already seen it three times.”

I sigh. “Thanks, Harper. I thought you were supposed to be my friend.”

“I am your friend!” she exclaims through bites. “Friends are honest, and that’s exactly what I’m being with you.”

“She’s not ready, okay?” Brooklyn snaps and my eyes immediately lock with her chocolate ones giving her a silent thank you.

“Okay…fine, fine.” Harper holds up her hands in surrender. “How’s everything going with Forrest?”

Madison looks up from eating. “You’re sure a barrel of questions tonight.”

Harper shrugs. “I want some gossip! You guys are so boring lately!”

Madison slaps her across the shoulder, causing Harper to break out into a fit of giggles. “Kidding, kidding…but really…”

Madison wipes off her messy fingers and finishes her bite before answering. “Good. He introduced me to his parents last weekend.”

We all gasp as she hasn’t shared this news with any of us.

“Seriously?” I choke out, gulping down my water. “Isn’t that moving kind of fast?”

Madison’s blue eyes turn grey as she glares at me. “We’ve been dating for six months.”

“Shit,” Brooklyn exclaims animatedly. “Has it’s already been that long?”

Madison nods, seemingly annoyed.

“That means me and Darren have been together for nine months!” Brooklyn began dating a semi-pro football player from California last year. It’s been long distance since the beginning, but it seems to be working for them. After she broke up with Isaiah, I wasn’t sure she was going to be able to find someone who made her happy like he did, but Darren was in a league of his own. We hit it off almost immediately and I gave her my blessing right away.

“And Peyton and I are going to be single for life…ain’t that right?” Harper breaks me out of my thoughts.

“Amen.” I clink my glass with hers.

“I still think you need to get some,” Harper says, eyeing me down intently. “You have no idea how many cobwebs are in there by now!”

As she continues cracking jokes at my expense, guilt pours over me. I forgot to tell them. At this point, I’m not even sure I want to tell them. I have no idea of the crap they will give me for hooking up with Luis, but they are my best friends and I’m a terrible liar.

“I might have already taken care of that issue,” I say softly, my eyes shifting between my three best friends.

“What?” Madison shrieks as Brooklyn spits out the water in her mouth.

I nod, unable to contain my grin and the redness spreading up my neck and over my cheeks.

“Please tell me you didn’t fuck Noah!” Harper exclaims, a little too loudly for comfort.

All of my friends are wide-eyed, open-mouthed, and staring at me for an explanation.

“Classy,” I joke. “No, I did not do the dirty with Noah.”

“Thank God” Harper falls back against the back of the bench, clutching her heart.

“So what if I did?” I press. “It wouldn’t be anyone else’s problem but mine.”

Harper’s eyes widen. “Rule number one, never get involved with a band member. The minute things go south, the band is done.”

I roll my eyes. “Please. I’m not a home wrecker.” I really like Noah’s girlfriend, and I can’t imagine hurting someone like that.

“Well, are you going to just make us sit here and sweat it out, or are you going to spill the beans?” Brooklyn exclaims eagerly.

“Okay, I’m going to tell you guys, but you have to promise not to freak out.”

The three exchange wary glances before training their eyes back on me. I exhale, attempting to find the right words. “Luis, I had sex with Luis.”

“Luis?” Harper asks, confused. “As in, lead singer of Free Falling and the guy who just signed us to his record label, Luis?”

Suddenly, everything around me seems overly quiet. I swallow, nodding.

That’s when Brooklyn drops her glass on the table, shattering it, water and ice flying everywhere.

Four: What Happened to Us Against the World?

Jace

“What is all of that?” I ask my assistant Chenise as I descend the stairs of my home in the Hollywood Hills.

She is sitting on the leather sofa in my living room, three big boxes piled in front of her. “Fan letters,” she says, sighing. By the looks of it, she’s been sifting through them for a while, but she isn’t making the greatest headway.

“Seriously?” I ask as I plop down in the black leather chair across from her. “Are they for me?”

She laughs like I’ve asked a dumb question. “What? Of course they’re all for you. People love Fenton!”

I can’t help the smile that tugs at the corners of my mouth. “What’s that pile?” I motion with my head.

She looks down at her feet. “The people requesting autographs.”

I nod. “And that one?”

“The people proposing.”

I choke on my surprise. “And what about that one?” My head tilts toward the third and final pile, one much smaller than the rest.

Her eyes shift around nervously. “Those are the death threats.”

“What?” I gasp, jumping up and stalking over to them.

“Jace, I don’t think you should…” she trails off as I grab the first letter off the top, bringing it to my eyes. My eyes bulge as I read the threatening words off the page.

I’m going to kill you and your fugly co-star, Angelica. You think you’re so much better than the rest of us out here? Well I’ve got news for you—you’re nothing! It won’t be easy, but I’ll find you, and when I do, I’ll slit both your throats. You may want to start sleeping with one eye open.

I drop the letter, disgusted. “Who wrote this?”

Chenise’s facial expression softens. “An inmate at Bayview Correctional Facility.”

“Don’t stress about it, Jace,” Chenise says softly. “Most of these are simply empty threats.”

“And what if they aren’t?” I exclaim angrily. “What then?”

Her face falls and I instantly feel guilty. “I’m sorry,” I mumble, rubbing my face with my hand and then making my way back to my chair. I plop down in it defeated. “I’m not used to this.”

She inhales loudly, dropping the letter in her hand. “No one expects you to be. It’s been one hell of a transition. It must not have been easy on you.”

I look back at her, forcing a small smile on my face. “I think it’s time we hired some security.”

Her eyes widen at my suggestion. “I think that’s a really good idea.”

“Can you set that up?” I ask as I rub my hands together anxiously.

She nods. “No problem.”

“Alright, cool.” I stand rubbing my hand through my short hair. “I’m going to go shower and pack.”

She nods silently, watching me as I forgo my normal coffee, and ascend back up the stairs.

The promotional tour for Fortitude starts tomorrow, but I have to catch my flight tonight. Just like the first movie, the cast will be traveling through Europe, and while I’m excited to spend time with my co-stars and explore Europe further, the life threatening letter has me on edge.

When you imagine fame, you only imagine the good parts: money, notoriety, special benefits. You don’t think of the downside to it. I’m not sure I’m made out for this. The one person I’ve always had rooting for me, the one person I’ve always had pushing me, isn’t here.

I grab my cell from the dresser and scroll to the photo album, looking at the happier times between Peyton and me. We look happy, but more importantly, we look in love. I don’t know that I’ll ever find that again with anyone else. I’m not sure that I want to. Opening yourself up to that kind of extreme love, while also being vulnerable to someone has never been my strong suit. It makes me nervous knowing someone else could carry my heart in their hand with the power to protect it or crush it.

Some days I wish things were simpler. I wish I were still a small town guy in love with a small town girl. Unfortunately, I know things can never go back to the way they were.

Most people would die for the opportunities I’ve been handed. And while I don’t take any of them for granted, I still wish it were simpler.

My screen goes black and I set my phone down, sighing. What happened to us against the world?

*              *              *

We landed in France last night, and have been on the go ever since. We’ve had five separate press meetings to go to around Paris today, and currently we are at our last stop. Tomorrow we head to England.

There are thousands upon thousands of people. It’s difficult enough making our way to and from places without getting mobbed, and it’s even more difficult choosing reporters out of the crowd to answer questions for. I am so thankful we have security.

“Jace! Jace!” I hear multiple people shouting my name in thick accents.

“Yes, sir, you in the green,” our spokesperson chooses.

“Thank you,” the reporter says quickly before turning his attention to me. He has slicked black hair and dark brown eyes. “At the end of Valor, Fenton’s future hung in the balance. What can you tell us about Fortitude?”

I smile, baring my teeth. “I have to be careful what I say. They’d kill me if I gave anything away, but what I can say is Fenton is a fighter, like you saw in Valor. He won’t give up. When the movie begins, things are not necessarily going his way, but there are going to be quite a few twists and turns that may shock people.”

The reporter is jotting down notes on his notepad when someone else is called upon to ask a question. It is a mousy looking female with stringy blond hair and a petite frame. “So we know the Strategic Arms series was signed on for a trilogy, but there are rumors going on that the third movie, Duel is going to be split into two parts. Can you confirm that?”

All eyes fall on our director, Tim. “We have been in talks about that, yes. Right now, there is a good possibility we will need to do so because of the length.”

The crowd gets loud again as they allow another reporter the opportunity to address our panel. “So now that you and Angelica are broken up, does that make it difficult having to continuously see one another during filming?”

Angelica and I exchange worried glances before our representative steps in. “Only questions pertaining to the series will be addressed.” They gave this notice and warning originally, but this isn’t the first time we have had to field such questions, and it won’t be the last.

“Alright, last question.”

A stocky, older gentleman with salt-and-pepper hair and goatee stands. “So you mentioned twists and turns—in the book, Fenton and Arlington have a complete role reversal. Will we get to witness this in the Fortitude storyline?”

Tyrone and I exchange amused looks, unsure of who should take point. “Do you want to take this, or me?”

Tim speaks up, surprising us both. “Yes, you will definitely see that, but what the audience will also see is an in depth look of how this reversal affects the woman they both love, and people are going to be surprised.”

“Thank you for all the questions. That will be all,” our spokesperson says.

People are shouting out questions and snapping pictures madly as we are escorted back to the press vehicles.

“Jace! Jace!” People are chasing after us wildly, attempting to command our attention. “Can I get a picture?”

I stop walking abruptly to take a few pictures and sign a few autographs before being herded off.

There is a group of thousands of people surrounding our vehicles and multiple police escorts holding them back. It’s not the first time I’ve been through this, but it still feels foreign to me. When I see people crying over seeing me in person, I feel weird. I’m just a normal guy. But to them, I’m something else, much more intimate. Once you become famous, people start to feel as though they know you in some way. You become an acquaintance, a friend, and in most cases, a fantasy.

My head falls back onto the leather headrest in the SUV, and I close my eyes.

“Well, that was the last stop,” Chenise says softly from beside me.

My eyes remain closed, but I say “Yep, and I get to do it all over again tomorrow.”

I can feel her eyes on me, studying my every move. I’m too exhausted from the jet lag and intensive day to worry too much about it. I drift off with little to no effort within minutes.

Five: I Feel Like I’ve Just Gotten out of the Boxing Ring; More Battered and Broken than When I Walked in

Blind

© 2015 DarienMae

You blinded me

I never knew

I had no clue

I never knew

I never knew

Who you really were

You blinded me, you blinded me, you blinded me I couldn’t see

Hard to believe, hard to believe, hard to believe your true identity

You blinded me, you blinded me, you blinded me I couldn’t see

Hard to believe, hard to believe, hard to believe your true identity

I – You, you left me so blind

I never knew

Who you really were

I can’t believe, I can’t believe, I can’t believe I didn’t see

All the lies, all the lies, all the lies you always fed me

I can’t believe, I can’t believe, I can’t believe I didn’t see

All the lies, all the lies, all the lies you always fed me

I – I had no clue

I never knew

You – you left me so blind

Peyton

“Can you do that same part again, but this time with double the energy?” Luis speaks into the mic.

I’m in the soundproof booth at the studio, recording my parts. Everyone else has gotten in and out with no issues, but I feel as though something just isn’t clicking. After a few more failed attempts, Luis calls me out of the booth.

“What’s going on with you, Peyton?” he asks, his tone more concerned than upset.

I sigh, my shoulders slouching in defeat. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you just not feeling it or what?” he presses. I shake my head. We’ve been trying to get the vocals down for On Tour, and it’s just not working for me.

He steps away from the sound board and grabs his acoustic guitar, sitting back down. “I think you need a creative release,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

“What does that mean?” I ask, intrigued.

He begins turning his guitar. “Let’s jam for a little bit.”

My eyes widen. “You want to write a song together?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, why not? I’m going to play something and how about you just sing whatever comes to you?”

I exhale loudly. “I don’t know…I mean, Noah and I normally do all of our songwriting together.”

Luis chuckles, plucking the strings slowly, yet deliberately. “This doesn’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want it to. It can just be two musicians messing around.”

His words calm my nerves, and before I know it, I’m humming a melody.

“There ya go,” he says encouragingly.

It’s the strangest feeling, but suddenly, it’s as if I’ve had the words inside me all along. They’ve just been waiting for the right time to come out.

You really had me fooled

All the right moves

I never could have known

Stripped me to the bone

Stripped me to the bone

Luis exhales, surprised. “You want to try it again?” he asks.

I nod before I sing the same words. Only this time there is more conviction, more emotion. I don’t even realize the few tears that have escaped out of the corner of my eye and are silently trailing down my cheek.

Luis stops playing, staring back at me with a pained expression. “Do you need to stop?”

I meet his gaze and shake my head, and I mean it.

“What if I asked if this had anything to do with Jerkface?” Although he went there, his facial expression tells me he is still treading lightly.

I break his gaze, looking away “What if I tell you it’s none of your business?”

He chuckles. “Ouch, feisty one you are. Alright then, carry on.” He begins strumming, and the words continue to flow out of me like a stream.

I had no idea I would be going in to record vocals today, and instead be writing a song about Jace. It feels strange, but it feels like closure.

*              *              *

I’ve been on a high since Luis and I messed around in the studio the other night. The song we wrote together was the easiest, yet most difficult thing I have ever created. We were both feeling it so much that we ended up recording an acoustic version of it.

Although the song makes me want to curl up into a tiny little ball and cry my eyes out every time I hear it, I’ve been listening to it on my phone repeatedly since that session.

We both knew that there was so much more to the song than we had originally given it credit for, and after a couple of days of letting it sink in, we both know what we have to do. Luis calls a meeting with the entire band regarding the EP.

“Do you know what this is about?” Madison asks Brooklyn just as Luis enters the studio. Everyone becomes overly quiet.

“Hey guys, how ya doing today?” Luis greets everyone.

The band mumbles their responses before he takes charge of the conversation. “Look, as you know, we’ve been working on the EP now for close to two weeks, and it’s coming along really well…” he pauses, glancing around. “However, one of the songs just wasn’t working, and that is why I’ve invited you all here tonight.” Madison, Brooklyn, Harper, and even the guys are exchanging confused looks.

“As much as we all love On Tour, I am going to make the executive decision to axe it off the EP in hopes of creating the strongest product we possibly can. Which brings me to my next point, I have something I’d like you all to listen to.” He walks over to the sound board and presses a few buttons.

My feelings are all over the place: I’m nervous, I’m excited, I’m anxious, I’m conflicted. I have no idea what they are going to think about the song, let alone the fact that they had nothing to do with writing it. I’m most nervous about Noah’s reaction.

My voice comes out over the loud speakers, and I train my eyes on the ground, scooting my foot around nervously.

The room remains quiet until the last note is played.

I hear Luis switch off the track, and the thumping of my own heart in my chest. “Now before you all say anything, I know it’s a departure from your regular sound and genre of music…but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. I get a Paramore, Rocket Summer, and even Chiodos vibe from it.”

No one speaks for a moment, and I’m positive they all hate it, when Harper finally chimes in. “I love it.”

My eyes fly up locking with hers. “You do?”

She nods, grinning. “It’s vulnerable, real, raw, and gritty. I’m already envisioning the covers there will be of it.”

I break into a wide grin. She hit the nail right on the head.

“Obviously it’s not going to be acoustic, and you will all get your chance to get in there and put your own flare on it, but what does everyone else think?”

My bandmates share silent stares before Brooklyn glances over at Luis. “I like it. I mean, it’s already stuck in my head. That can only be a good thing, right?”

Madison nods in agreement. “I can’t wait to get my hands on the track.”

My eyes lock onto Noah’s. He’s the person I’m looking for approval from most. “Noah?”

He leans back, rubbing his face. “Am I happy I wasn’t part of the writing process? No.” My heart sinks. “But I’d be fooling myself to think that the song isn’t going to be a hit.”

My heart flutters inside my chest. “So you approve?”

He nods stiffly. “You’ve got my vote.”

Luis slaps his hands together excitedly, rubbing them back and forth. “Great because Stripped to the Bone is going to be the single.”

I freeze, frozen in fear. I know how much I love the song, but if it’s our single, that means the label is going to press to get it air play…and if it gets air play, that means he’s going to eventually hear it.

I think I may need a drink after this.

*              *              *

“So, you’re really not mad at me?” I ask Noah as we exit the building.

He looks over at me, and then scoffs. “No way. I’m not an asshole.”

I let out the long breath of air I forgot I was holding. It’s a chilly November night, and I can see my breath.

He breaks out into a grin, slapping his hand onto my shoulder. “You’re too hard on yourself.”

I shrug. “I know.” I look down.

He squeezes my shoulder lightly before letting go. “Can I ask you a question?”

I look back up, locking my gaze onto his. “Sure.”

His brown eyes shift around a bit before he speaks. “That song in there…that about who I think it is?”

I nod, averting his gaze. Jace and Noah don’t have the greatest track record.

He laughs awkwardly, rubbing his chin. “That’s what I thought. Listen, I know we haven’t spent a lot of time together recently, apart from the band, but I want you to know I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. We were friends before him and we will be friends long after.”

I nod, smiling slightly. “Thanks.”

He chuckles. “I’m boycotting his movie by the way.”

I stifle a laugh. “You don’t have to do that.”

He shrugs. “I know, but that’s what friends are for, right?”

I smile. “Well if that’s the case, you’re a better friend than Harper.”

His mouth drops open in shock. “Alyssa is dying to see it. I don’t know how much longer I can make up excuses.”

I giggle. “Seriously, it’s not a big deal. He’s everywhere now. In every magazine I open, on every newsfeed on Facebook, and it’s not like he’s going anywhere. I’m really going to have to get used to it.”

Noah leans against my car, his eyes lighting up. “I have an idea.”

My eyebrows raise. “Uh-oh, should I be worried?” I joke.

He shakes his head, grinning. “I’ll see it if you will.”

“What?” I ask.

“Let’s go see Valor.”

My jaw drops open. “Seriously?”

He nods. “Seriously.”

“Right now?” It’s not as if I have anything I have to do or anywhere I have to be.

Noah grins back at me. “Yeah, why not?”

“Umm, maybe because Alyssa would kill you?” I adore Alyssa. If I were her, I’d be hurt if he took someone else to the movie I’d been begging him to take me to.

“What she doesn’t know won’t kill her,” he replies. He is staring me down with his dark eyes. “So, what do you say?”

For the longest time, I’ve been avoiding movie theatres in fear of seeing Jace’s face; in fear of being reminded of the pain he caused me, but Noah makes me feel safe, he always has. Suddenly, I feel empowered. “Sure, why not?”

I’m confronting my fears, and I hope by doing so, I will be that much closer to moving on.

*              *              *

Noah and I haven’t said a word to one another since we got out of the movie.

That was over twenty minutes ago.

We’ve been driving in silence back to the studio, each gathering our thoughts.

The movie was phenomenal. I’m talking top ten movies of my lifetime, hands down. Jace was no exception. I’ve always known how talented he was, but this was on another level. I feel so conflicted. On one hand, I’m so damn proud of him for accomplishing something so incredible. On the other hand, I’m kicking myself for pulling the plug on us. I feel like I’ve just gotten out of the boxing ring—more battered and broken than when I walked in. It had the complete opposite effect on me than I had hoped for, and it’s really messing with my head.

When Noah pulls up to my car in the parking lot of the studio, he finally breaks the silence. “So, I’m not sure I can hate him anymore.”

I look over at him. “I don’t expect you to.”

He exhales sharply. “Good, because I have to take Alyssa to this movie.”

I nod. “You should. She’d love it.”

His expression softens. “Are you okay?”

I nod. “I haven’t been for a very long time…but I will be.” I lean over kissing him on the cheek. “Thanks for being a good friend, Noah.”

He grins back at me. “See you later?”

I bob my head up and down. “See ya later.” I climb out of his car and begin making my way toward my own. When I’m within reach of my driver’s side door, I see something out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head, and sure enough, I can now see Luis locking up the studio. He is wearing long dark grey jeans with black vans, a bright orange sweatshirt and a black hat that is turned backwards. Although dressed down, he looks good. He turns around and immediately sees me. He raises his hand in the air as a wave.

I return his wave before turning back around and unlocking the door to my car. He must be lightning fast because within seconds I hear him beside me. “I didn’t know you were still here.”

I spin around, startled. “Are you a ninja?”

He chuckles, amused by my question. “Am I a what?”

“A ninja, because you’re stealthy and appear out of nowhere.” When he doesn’t respond for a long moment I wave my hands in front of my face dismissively. “Never mind.”

He laughs, his dimples mocking me. “What are you doing here so late?” He motions with his head to the dark sky.

“Actually, I just got back. Noah and I went to see a movie.”

His eyebrows raise surprised. “Really?”

I realize that he is misunderstanding me. “Oh, no, not like that. We went as friends.”

He squints his eyes, still grinning. “Sure.”

“I’m serious.”

He nods. “What did you go see?”

“Valor,” I reply, opening my door and throwing my purse inside.

Luis’s eyes widen. “How was it?”

I take a deep breath. “Difficult,” I reply before I realize just how honest I’ve been.

He raises his eyebrows. “Difficult?”

I realize I can either lie to him or I can be honest. I decide to go with the latter. “The movie itself was amazing. Incredible, actually. If you get a chance to see it, you should.”

He watches me intently, not saying a word, but amused nonetheless.

“Seeing my ex in the main role was the difficult part.”

Luis looks at me like I have two heads and then a realization passes across his face. “Jerkface.”

I fight back a laugh, nodding. “Jerkface.”

He nods. “Everything is making so much more sense now.”

I giggle. “Unfortunately, I think I need a stiff drink now.” I begin climbing into my car when Luis reaches for my door.

“Need some company?”

I’m surprised he’s offering himself up. I glance back at him, my eyes landing on his handsome face. “You know what, that sounds really nice.”

He lets go of my door and stalks around my car to the passenger side, letting himself in. “Giorgio’s?”

Six: It Felt Like Someone Reaching into My Chest and Squeezing the Life out of Me

Jace

It’s exactly a month away from the release of Fortitude, and the amount of press that goes into it is insane. Just this week, we traveled all over Europe promoting the brand and the message. I’ve barely had a minute to blink, let alone breathe.

I’ve been home for less than twenty-four hours, and I am already scheduled for appearances on Jonah, Shawn Bruner, and Timothy Dalton, all huge nighttime talk shows.

I look over at Chenise who is sucked into her phone. “What are you doing?” I ask.

“I just confirmed six more appearances for you,” she says proudly, her eyes leaving the screen of her phone for a brief moment in time to lock with mine.

“Six?” I ask, nearly choking on the question.

“Is that a problem, Jace?” Chenise asks worriedly, setting her phone down.

I feel like someone is sitting on my chest. Breathing is difficult for me, and I have a knot in the pit of my stomach. “Chenise, I start filming Duel in two months. I don’t get finished with this press run until next week. I need a vacation. I’m running myself into the ground.”

She listens earnestly, nodding her head. “That is the last appointment I am going to add to your calendar. After Friday of next week, you will be a free man.”

I sigh, smiling slightly. “Thank you.”

My ears perk up, and my heart begins to race. “Hey, man, can you turn that up?” I ask our driver.

He nods in understanding and then the music is audible. It’s Peyton’s voice, I could have recognized that any day.

“What is it?” Chenise asks, confused.

I hold my finger up in front of my lips, hoping she will let me hear this.

You really had me fooled

All the right moves

I never could have known

Stripped me to the bone

Stripped me to the bone

You had me captivated

I was under your spell

You held my heart inside your hands

And you crushed it with a force

I thought what we had was real

I thought what we felt was love

I never saw it coming

You’re a master of your craft

You really had me fooled

All the right moves

I never could have known

Stripped me to the bone

Stripped me to the bone

You let your circus team win

You let them call the shots

They said I wasn’t good for you

And you fell right for the trap

You really had me fooled

All the right moves

I never could have known

Stripped me to the bone

Stripped me to the bone

You really had me fooled

All the right moves

I never could have known

Stripped me to the bone

Stripped me to the bone

“That was the debut single from A Change in Time, called Stripped Me to the Bone,” the radio announcer says.

I swallow digesting it all.

“Holy shit,” Chenise breaks the unbearable silence. “Was that about you?”

I lock eyes with her. “Yeah, I think it was.” I breathe in deeply, hoping to calm my nerves. By the time I get to my first appearance, my stomach is in knots. I can’t stop thinking about that song. About Peyton. My mind is anywhere other than the present.

“Jace? Jace?” Chenise asks, waving her hand in front of my face.

I shake my head and my vision returns to me. We are no longer in the car, and instead are in a long, narrow, cement hallway. What the hell? I spin around, my eyes scanning the walls. How did I get here? I can’t help the worried look that spreads across my face. Chenise’s expression softens. “Are you okay? You sure you are up for this?” she asks.

I nod, swallowing my nerves. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I’m lying straight through my teeth, but I know we don’t have time for this. I need to focus because I know they are going to ask me the uncomfortable questions.

The next few hours fly by in a blur and I can barely remember what even transpired. I hope I didn’t make too much of a fool of myself. Chenise gave me thumbs up throughout the entire taping, so I’m going to assume I pulled it off. When I finally make it home, I sit on my bed, staring at Peyton’s number on the screen of my phone. All I have to do is press one button, and I can hear her voice again. I wonder what she is doing. I wonder if she has moved on. Her song tells me otherwise. I could hear the pain in her voice. It felt like someone reaching into my chest and squeezing the life out of me.

I never stopped to think about how my actions affected her. I think I chose to stay blissfully ignorant. The problem is, now that I’ve heard her thoughts and feelings poured out to the entire world, I feel like the biggest asshole. Everything happened so quickly, I’m starting to wonder when it all began to go downhill.

I run my finger over the screen of my phone, closing my eyes. My heart is beating so ferociously, I’m gripping my chest. I press the green call button without another thought and take a deep breath in. Peyton doesn’t have this number, I had to get a new one about six months ago due to the influx of fans who somehow got ahold of my original information.

“Hello?” I hear her answer, and I freeze. Even though we haven’t spoken in almost a year, it’s strange how comfortable it feels. How right she feels in my life.

I open my mouth to say something, and then close it again. What am I even going to say? Sorry for being such a douchebag, I want you back? I swallow as she says hello again.

“Must be a wrong number or something,” she mutters as she hangs up. Right before the click disconnects the line I hear a male’s voice.

“Peyton, come check this out.”

My stomach sinks. I don’t recognize the voice, but my mind begins racing. What if she has met someone else? I couldn’t possibly expect her to wait for me while I played along with my agent’s publicity stunt with Angelica. She didn’t deserve what I put her through. I don’t blame her if she hates my guts.

I glance at the home screen of my phone. You don’t deserve her. You need to leave her alone, let her live her life without you. I breathe deeply, throwing my phone back against my pillows. I know that song was about me, and if her words are truthful, I hurt her a lot more than I ever expected to. I need to let her go. She needs to be able to experience and enjoy life amongst people who have her best interests at heart. Not someone who stripped her to the bone.

Seven: Anything I Say Can and Will be Used Against Me

On the Hunt

© 2015 DarienMae

Watch out, their coming

Coming for ya

Stars in the night

We’re taking flight

The enemy is on the hunt

Training their guns

Start the engine

Pedal on the gas

Be the hero

Get out fast

They’re coming at you

They’re coming for you

They’re coming at you and they’re coming for you

Watch out, their coming

Coming for ya

Stars in the night

We’re taking flight

The enemy is on the hunt

Training their guns

Force field, Invisible

We’re doomed to fail

No matter the outcome

We’re setting sail

This planet or another

We’re getting out

No more wondering

What this life’s about

Stars in the night

We’re taking flight

The enemy is on the hunt

Training their guns

Peyton

We finally finished our CD, and Luis went to work on mixing and mastering it. I think the best decision we made was to axe On Tour and replace it with Stripped Me to the Bone. It changed the entire dynamic of the CD. It’s stronger, more powerful.

Luis has bought plenty of airplay for our hit single, and it’s not uncommon for me to hear it on the radio a few times a day now. It feels surreal. I’ve been dreaming of this moment my entire life, and suddenly it’s here. People are beginning to recognize us out in public now, and it’s becoming a part of my reality.

Because of the new-found fame of our hit single and record deal, reporters have been digging into our pasts for the gossip magazines. I think I am finally beginning to understand what Jace goes through on a normal day-to-day basis. Because of the digging, there is now speculation that the song is about Jace, and old Kelley reruns of us together have begun to surface. People are in shock that I am the same girl from that day.

Due to our notoriety, Luis has been scheduling us interviews almost back to back. He is trying to spread the word about our CD, Origins, and keep us riding this wave. As a band, we’ve already met with Rolling Stone, Alternative Press, and more. Individually, Luis has been scheduling us for interviews with the teen and girly magazines such as US or Cosmopolitan. Today is my Cosmopolitan interview. Luis did warn me that this particular interviewer is no holds barred. She is not afraid to go there, whether it’s right or not. I guess I’m hoping for the best, yet preparing myself for the worst.

“Peyton Lane,” the interviewer throws out her hand when I approach the table she is seated at. She chose a chic little Italian restaurant on the west side of LA. I shake her hand, while taking in her appearance. She has short dark hair in a bob style, and is wearing a suit jacket and slacks. I glance down at my basic blouse and leggings and instantly feel underdressed. “I’m Catherine Tyrone, entertainment reporter with Cosmo. Please, take a seat.”

I follow her instructions, carefully placing the cloth napkin atop my lap. “Did you find the place okay?” she asks.

I nod. “GPS is a lifesaver.”

She chuckles at my comment, and then places a recorder in between us both. “Did Luis schedule you any more interviews in town before you head back home?” Catherine asks curiously.

I nod. “He has me doing the rounds.”

I hear a scuffle outside the front door of the restaurant and notice a gaggle of paparazzi all standing at the window, the flashes of their cameras going off simultaneously. I glance around the restaurant, looking for a familiar face that they might be tailing…but I don’t recognize anyone.

“Oh my goodness, you are adorable!” Catherine gushes, taking a sip of her water. “Darling, they aren’t here for me. This is all you.”

My stomach drops and I suddenly feel light-headed. Is this what I am going to have to look forward to from now on?

“Are you ready to get started?” Catherine asks, readying the tape recorder. I nod timidly.

“Well, first of all, I just have to tell you how delighted I am to meet you. The first time I heard Stripped, I just knew it was going to be a hit. You know they are comparing you to Adele after that, right?”

My mouth drops open. “Adele?” I basically choke on my own saliva. Adele is one of the best singers of my generation. A compliment like that doesn’t just come out of nowhere.

She nods enthusiastically. “Have you even checked out the covers people are doing of your song?”

I shake my head. Maybe I have been too preoccupied with my own little world to notice just how much of an impact the song has been making.

“I’m sorry, I just have to show you this before we start…some of these are incredible. You are going to thank me later for this.” Catherine pulls out her iPhone from her pocket, swiping the screen to unlock it with her preset pattern. Once the screen is visible, she quickly hops onto YouTube and searches for Stripped Me to the Bone. There are over 100 results, and the first page shows videos with over 25,000 to 100,000 views on them.

“That’s amazing,” I say, semi in shock. I cannot believe my song resonated so deeply with all of these people.

After Catherine plays me a handful of covers she finally slips her phone back into her pocket and resumes the interview.

“So, we know that Origins is going to be A Change in Time’s debut album, but how long have you been singing?”

I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “Since I could talk. My mom used to joke I came out of the womb singing.”

Catherine’s eyebrows raise up. “Where have you been hiding?”

I shrug, uncomfortable. “I’m obviously not thin as a rail, so my insecurities held me back a lot when it came to my music.”

“I like that you touch on that, because I don’t think young women like yourself really realize how much insecurities can play a role into them going after what they are passionate about. What is one piece of advice you might be able to pass along to these young women?” Catherine asks.

“My best piece of advice is learn to love yourself. You’ll never be truly satisfied in life until you learn how to accept and love the person that you are. So I’m not skinny, so what? I’m healthy and that’s all that matters.”

Catherine smiles widely. “I love your positive thinking and body image. How long would you say it took you to get to the place you’re at now?”

“Years,” I reply. Self-confidence is not an easy thing to come by, in fact it took me a very long time to accept myself as a person, inside and outside.”

“I think you are going to be an amazing and positive new role model for young girls out there,” Catherine says gently.

“Thank you.”

“Okay, enough doting on you. Let’s get some more questions out of the way.” Catherine sips on a glass of iced tea the waitress brought her. “What is your writing process?”

I giggle. “It has been changing. For the most part, I tend to have writing partners who prepare the melody and instrumental track and then I write to it when it’s closer to being completed.”

Catherine smiles, shifting in her chair. “Is it true that you used to date Jace Austin, the newest, hottest star in Hollywood right now?”

I can feel a warmness seeping up my neck, over my ears, and into my cheeks. I’m sure I look like a deer in the headlights. Catherine on the other hand, is stone cold for the first time during our interview. She looks dead serious, and she is waiting on my answer. I stall, sipping off my water while I gather my thoughts. “Jace and I went to high school together,” I reply, choosing my words carefully.

“Oh, wow, I didn’t know you two had known each other that long. So, how long were you two together?” Catherine shoots another arrow straight at her target—me.

I swallow, my eyes shifting left and right. I could lie to her. I could omit the truth, but something tells me she won’t be the first or the last. The nagging feeling is building up inside of me, ready to pour out. “Almost two years.”

“And it just gets juicier,” Catherine leans in, looking extremely enthusiastic.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

All I can hear is my heart pounding inside of my chest. I forget where I am. Who I am speaking to. This is Cosmofreakingpolitan! Whatever I say here is going to be heard around the world. Whatever I say here, he is going to read.

“There has been a lot of speculation that you wrote Stripped about Jace. Can you confirm or deny that?”

Panic begins to grip me from the inside. I feel like I’m on trial. Anything I say can and will be used against me. “Jace meant a lot to me. It hurt a lot when it ended…but I only wish him the best.”

I can feel the tears rising up from the depths. Luis did warn me that Catherine wouldn’t hold back. I guess I just wasn’t prepared for the feelings she would stir up within me with her line of questioning.

“Are you okay?” she asks, and there is genuine concern lacing her tone. She presses stop on the tape recorder, and looks around the room before training her eyes back on me. “Do you need to take a break?”

I nod, embarrassment flooding my cheeks. With the Paparazzi right outside, I hope they can’t see the tears. Just as I stand to head to the ladies room, Catherine places her hand on top of mine gently. “I hope you know I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

I look back at her through blurry eyes. “I appreciate that.”

Eight: Every Cell in My Body is Telling Me to Pull Her into Me and Never Let Go

Jace

“Jace, don’t you think you might want to think this through? I mean, what would Justice do, right?” Chenise is pacing back and forth as she watches me slip on a black, discreet looking hoodie.

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my lips. “Who gives a rat’s ass? In fact, when I get back, you and I are going to talk about what we can do to fire that goon.”

Chenise’s eyes widen, surprised by my brash comments.

“What about the tabloids? What about the magazines? Aren’t you worried about what they are going to say?” Chenise continues her attempt at talking some sense into me.

I stare blankly back at her. “You heard what I did with Angelica. Does it really seem like I care that much?”

Chenise sighs loudly. “Alright, I’ve done my due diligence to stop you, but you obviously have your mind made up. I hope this isn’t overstepping, but what is it about this girl?”

My heart begins beating against my ribcage rapidly. Chenise doesn’t even have to say her name and my body still reacts like that. “It’s Peyton,” I say softly. “It’s just…her.”

Chenise cocks her head to the side, a smile pulling at her lips. “You really love her.”

“What makes you say that?” I ask, curiously. Peyton and I haven’t been in each other’s lives for a long time. I guess I didn’t think those old feelings could withstand the test of time.

Chenise plops onto my bed. “You never acted this way with Angelica…ever.”

“That was a fake relationship,” I refute.

“Still,” Chenise says. “Ever since we heard that song on the radio, you’ve been different. I know it has something to do with her. How long were you two together?”

I slip on my sneakers. “Basically two years.”

She nods. “Good luck, you’re going to need it.”

I smile slightly before racing out the door. The tabloids reported Peyton was in LA and meeting with a columnist from Cosmo. That was a half an hour ago. I don’t even bother obeying the speed limits…finally, she is in my city. The only thing I can even think of doing is finding her.

It only takes fifteen minutes to make it to the restaurant. Sure enough there are paparazzi camped out in front, snapping away like wild pitbulls. I sneak in the back, through the kitchen entrance. The staff look surprised to see me, but I’m given no grief as I make my way to the front.

When I enter the restaurant, my eyes scan it as if I’m searching for a drop of water in a drought. I feel like a stalker, or a hunter seeking his prey. My eyes find the back of her head first. Her long brown hair is cascading down her shoulders and she is in what looks like an intense exchange with the interviewer.

I look away for a moment, making sure I’m not standing out like a sore thumb, but when I turn back to where she was seated, her chair is empty. My eyes dart around the crowded restaurant, seeking her out. My heart begins to beat wildly. Please tell me I didn’t lose her.

My legs feel like Jell-O as I race around the large room searching for her. When I’ve searched thoroughly more than a couple of times, I begin to feel like a complete failure. I was so close to finally getting the chance to apologize, and it slipped right through my fingers. I’m angry.

Without completely realizing what I am doing, I end up heaving myself out the front doors of Bucato, right into the sea of paparazzi. Suddenly, all focus turns on me, and I am being blinded by the incessant flashing of their cameras.

“Jace! Jace! Are you here with Peyton?”

“Jace! Jace! Are you two back together?”

They are yelling out different questions all at the same time. I feel like I’m in quicksand. It’s as if I’ve forgotten how to walk. I’m sure the paps are having a hay-day with this one.

The front door opens and all focus is shifted from me to the glass doors. Once the shuttering begins again I know without a shadow of a doubt who is walking out that door. My back is turned to her, but I can feel the goosebumps rising from my ankles, up through my legs and torso.

“Jace?” I hear her ask, almost breathlessly.

I feel like my heart is in my throat as I spin around. I’ve been imagining this moment for a very long time. Peyton looks better than I even expected. She’s got a Bohemian chic look going for her, and I rather like it. “Peyton,” I reply finally.

The paparazzi are going absolutely nuts. They hit the jackpot tonight.

“What are you doing here?” Peyton asks in a small voice, shifting her eyes away from mine.

I shrug, rocking back and forth on my heels. “I heard you were in LA. I live nearby.”

Peyton nods, tucking some of her hair behind her ear awkwardly.

How did we get here? It feels strange to not be touching her. Every cell in my body is telling me to pull her into me and never let go.  “Look, would you like to go somewhere and talk?” I ask, completely aware that our entire interaction is being filmed and recorded. They are probably going to make thousands off these videos and pics.

Peyton looks over my head, like she is searching for someone or something. “Talk about what?” she asks dryly when her eyes land back on me.

“Talk about us…” I trail off, inching closer. “I have some things I want to say to you.”

Peyton remains unusually quiet as her face contorts sadly. “I don’t know if that is a good idea.”

“Come on,” I say sadly. “I don’t know how much longer you are going to be in town, but I don’t have much time myself.” I pause, my voice shaky. “It’s been a long time, Peyton. We’ve been through a lot. Can’t you at least give me this?”

I can see her gears grinding in her facial expression and then she finally caves. “Okay.”

“Okay,” I repeat, triumphantly.

For a brief moment in time, I forget that it isn’t just me and her. No, we have the entire world watching our every move. “Come on,” I demand as I lead her out to my car.

After we get in, we have to drive at least twenty blocks to get rid of the paps. It’s exhausting, but there is no way in hell I am letting them get any more ammunition tonight. I sneak a glance over at Peyton who is sitting unusually close to the door. It’s almost as if she is scared to accidentally brush up against me or something.

“You look good,” I say, training my eyes back on the road.

She glances at me quickly, tucks her chin in, and then looks out her window. There she is. We were rid of her for a long time…that was before we broke up. I have no idea how she can still be so insecure, after everything. She’s on top of the world right now. All the girls aspire to be her, and guys are beginning to notice her. She should be on cloud nine…but she isn’t. “You haven’t changed much.”

Peyton shoots me a quick glare. “Gee, thanks.”

“That wasn’t an insult, just an observation,” I reply gently.

“Where are we going?” Peyton asks sharply.

I breathe out slowly. “I can’t take you to my house because the tabloids would be all over that, so I am taking you to my home away from home.”

“Your home away from home?”

I nod. “The place I go when I need to get away.”

The answer seems to satisfy her as she falls back against her seat, crossing her arms across her chest.

When I finally pull up to my super-secret spot, I kill the engine and shift my eyes to Peyton. Her eyes glide between the all-glass structure and me. “What is this?”

I stare at the glass house before us. “This is a house I bought.”

Peyton glances around the neighborhood. “Why aren’t there photographers camped out everywhere?”

I smirk. “I had my assistant’s boyfriend buy the place for me. That way…”

“You would have a place to sneak off to that no one knew about,” Peyton finishes my sentence for me.

“Basically,” I reply. “You should see it at night when all the lights are on, it’s almost magical.”

“I bet.” Peyton smiles, but she looks sad. “I saw Valor,” she blurts out, seeming to surprise even herself.

“You did? What did you think?” For some reason her admission to seeing my movie makes me more nervous and anxious than I care to admit.

We exit my car and I lead the way to the front door.

“It was great. You were great, Jace,” Peyton says. “I always knew you had it in you.”

“Thank you,” I say gratefully. “Welcome to my humble abode.”

Peyton gives me a small smile before brushing past me and into the house. For the brief few seconds we touch, it feels like old times again. Although it has been a long time, her hair smells the same, I feel the same around her, and I forget how many nights I’ve missed holding her in my arms.

I follow her up the glass stairs and watch as her eyes light up, taking in the creative architecture.

“You like?” I ask as I turn on some lights.

She nods, her mouth agape. “So this is what they call living the good life.”

“Hey, you’re going to know how that feels very soon,” I say. I know how quickly fame can claim someone, and Peyton is on the fast track.

“So where are you wanting to have this ‘chat’?” Peyton uses air quotes. “I’m kind of terrified to sit anywhere in your house.”

“Why is that?” I ask, semi-offended.

“Because everything is white! You know me, I’m accident prone. When I’m done here, you’re going to seek restitution.”

I can’t help but chuckle at how adorable she can be. It’s been a long time. I forgot how quirky she is.

I head to the main living room which is on the main level. There are two white satin couches and two white satin love seats adorning the room. The fireplace is off, but I quickly flip the switch bringing it to life.

It takes another ten minutes before Peyton feels comfortable enough to sit down. She insists on taking off her shoes so she doesn’t ruin anything.

“So, how have you been?” I ask as soon as we are both comfortably situated.

“I’ve been…amazing. Things could not be better. I feel like I’m living a fairytale.”

It hurts to hear how happy she is…without me, but I am excited for her. “Good, I am really happy for you, Peyton,” I say, not believing my own words.

She nods. “How have you been?” she asks timidly.

“Look…are we really going to do this?” I can’t help myself, we are on limited time. “You and I both know I didn’t invite you here for small talk.”

Peyton looks surprised, but understanding. “What did you bring me over here to talk about?”

I take a deep breath, closing the distance between us. “Peyton, I made a mistake…”

Her eyes widen with a look of horror. It’s a look I’ve seen before. She’s going to run.

Sure enough, within seconds she is bolting past me and toward the door. Luckily, I am prepared for her, I throw my arm out, stopping her and pulling her into me.

“Let me go!” She fights against my grip.

“Peyton, just hear me out,” I say softly, attempting to calm her down.

“Hear you out? Hear you out?” she cries loudly. “What gives you the right, huh? After all this time…?”

My face falls. This isn’t going as well as I’d hoped. “Look, I’m sorry. There’s a lot of things we need to talk about.”

“Fuck you,” Peyton hisses. “I don’t have shit to talk about with you.”

Her words are rough, but I know it’s her anger speaking, not her. I continue holding her, my chin atop her head, attempting to soothe her. After a while, I feel her body relax in my arms. I loosen my grip.

“I know I hurt you, Peyton, believe me…it’s something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. But I never wanted to end it with you. I was never over us,” I say, leaving myself more vulnerable than I’d like.

I release her and she takes a couple of steps away from me. “You were dating her, right in front of my face, and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me that we were through.”

I feel a pang in my chest. Guilt. “It wasn’t real.”

“What?” Peyton blurts out, jumping back.

“Angelica and me, it wasn’t real. It was just a publicity stunt our publicists set up.”

Peyton’s eyes dart around the room madly. “And that is supposed to make it any better?” Peyton huffs, throwing her arms in the air. “You let me believe you moved on for months, and when I finally decided I had had enough, that’s when you thought it best to fight for me?”

Unfortunately for me the points she’s making are all valid.

Nine: I am Going to Chop Him Up in Tiny Pieces and Scatter Them so that No One Can Ever Piece Him Back Together Again

Twisted Game

© 2015 DarienMae

Raindrops

Raindrops

Rain drops down my windowpane

The sky is crying, crying out your name

Now I know it’ll never be the same

Now I know it was just a twisted game

And I see now the bitter truth is so real now

You stole my heart and now you left me bruised

I’ll never feel the same, I don’t know what to do

I’m going insane and I can’t complain

I led myself to this miserable game

Underneath it all, we’re all the same

Rain drops down my windowpane

The sky is crying, crying out your name

Now I know it’ll never be the same

Now I know it was just a twisted game

My heart bleeds now, it bleeds for you

And it’s so real now

I cannot believe it became clear now

I’m suffocating it’s so real

And I can’t deny everything I’m feeling inside

I’ve lost the war and I’ve lost my mind

Time to move on and say goodbye

Rain drops down my windowpane

The sky is crying, crying out your name

Now I know it’ll never be the same

Now I know it was just a twisted game

I don’t know why, I don’t know why, I don’t know why you want to hurt me inside

You broke my heart, broke my heart, broke my heart with a foolish lie x6

Rain drops down my windowpane

The sky is crying, crying out your name

Now I know it’ll never be the same

Now I know it was just a twisted game

Peyton

I am seeing red—blood red. I am going to kill him. I am going to chop him up into tiny pieces and scatter them so that no one can ever piece him back together again.

Okay, I’m being a bit dramatic…but the love of my freaking life just told me that we’ve been broken up for the past year and a half for no reason other than boosting his social media popularity status.

“Peyton,” I can hear him say my name, but he sounds far away. The room is spinning…oh, God, I’m losing it.

“Peyton!” I hear my name again, and then my legs give out and I’m falling. Everything is in slow motion. That hard glass is going to hurt like hell. Right before I’m bug splatter, I feel arms catch me. I look up into his turquoise eyes. Why? Why would he do something like this to us?

It takes ten minutes for me to regain consciousness and to feel like the room is back to normal. When I lift my head from the couch and lock eyes with Jace, he looks distraught. “Peyton, I am so, so sorry,” I hear his voice clearly now. “Everything was so new to me, and I didn’t know what I could say no to, until now.”

I can’t help the tears that are beginning to burn behind my eyes. What I would have given to hear Jace say something like this back when I still held onto hope for us. Too much time has passed between us now, too many lies separate us. To think there was a time I trusted Jace more than my own family members...

“You’re about a year too late, my friend,” I say bitterly, wiping the tears away.

“No,” Jace says.

“What did you say?” I counter.

“No,” he repeats. “It can’t be too late. You wouldn’t be here if it was. You would have never agreed to come. There is some part of you, and maybe it’s so small you barely notice it’s even there, but that part of you still thinks there might be a chance for you and me.”

Peyton nods her head slowly. “Is that so? Did you happen to ask that part of me what kind of hell I’ve been through since we broke up? The nights I tortured myself wondering who you were spending your time with, and if you liked her more than you liked me.”

Jace’s face falls, and for the first time since I’ve seen him, his eyes begin to water. “You have no idea how many times I called your phone, only to hang up when you answered. How many times I wanted to apologize for everything I put you through…but I was scared. I had already hurt you so much, I didn’t want there to be any possibility of making it worse.” His shoulders heave up and down as his breathing becomes labored. “You have no idea how much I hate myself for what I did to you…to us. This was definitely not how I envisioned our future.”

“I need a break,” I say quickly and then jump up, rushing away. I don’t realize until I’m halfway down the hall that I’ve never been here before.

“Second door on your left,” Jace calls out from the living room, reading my thoughts. I nod my head as thanks although I’m positive he can’t see it. After locking myself in the bathroom, I slide down the door to the ground. Just when I was finally feeling okay with him not being a part of my life and future, he waltzes back in, trying to be the hero. I’m shaking.

After what seems like only a handful of minutes, I hear footsteps approaching.

“Peyton?” I hear him call softly for me from the other side of the door. “Come out, let’s talk about this.”

“I’m going to the bathroom,” I lie.

“No you’re not,” Jace calls my bluff.

“How would you know?” I ask in a snarky tone.

“Because the faucet isn’t running…I know you…even after all this time, I know you,” he says softly.

I want to tell him that he’s wrong, that he knows nothing about me…but I’d be lying. Instead I stand up and unlock the door, coming face to face with him.

“You hurt me…a lot. I don’t know how I’m supposed to just get past that,” I say defeated.

“I know, and for that, I am so, so sorry.” He looks the epitome of genuine. “I know it’s been a long time, and I’m not asking you to just go back to the way things were. I am asking you to open your guarded heart one more time for a man simply wanting to prove himself. If I mess up again, you can lock those walls up and never open them for any man ever again.”

“Jace,” I say breathlessly, losing my resolve. He’s always been the man of my dreams, my Man Crush Mondays. It’s hard to say no to something you know deep down inside you’ve wanted for years.

Jace reacts to the changing dynamic between us and steps inside the bathroom. I stumble backwards, my back running into the sink. He’s quite literally backed me into a corner. “I forgot how much I missed the way you always smell like hazelnut or fresh Gain detergent. How you always second guess your beauty, even though it’s unparalleled. How you feel so vulnerable most of the time, but you’re actually the one who holds all the power, you just don’t know it.”

Something about his last observation pushes me over the edge. I grip the neckline of his dark hoodie and pull him into me. Right before I press my lips to his, I hesitate, hovering. It’s an old favorite game of ours. A cat and mouse game if you will. It’s to see who will give in first. Who simply can’t wait another second to taste the others lips.

Screw it, I’m losing.

I press my lips to his slowly and gently, not wanting to rush anything. It’s been a long time since we were in one another’s lives. I don’t need to pull out the big guns just quite yet.

I feel Jace’s hand come up, cupping the side of my face. He wraps his other arm around my waist, pulling me in closer to him. My heart is racing, goosebumps are sprouting along my arms and legs, and I have butterflies. Full on, eat your stomach kind.

I pull away, shaking and my insides humming.

“What? What’s wrong?” Jace asks breathlessly.

I push him away from me gently. “I just need some air,” I say distressed.

“Peyton,” he cries. I stop moving. “You can have some air in a little bit, you’ve had over a year of air—I don’t want to waste another second,” he says honestly.

I’m conflicted. On one hand, he’s the reason we’ve been separated for so long, and on the other, I do miss him. Every piece of my body misses him, yearns for him.

Although Jace isn’t the only guy I’ve been with anymore, he still feels the most intimate to me. I blush thinking about my time with Luis. I wonder what Jace will think about that.

“Peyton,” Jace calls out my name, jarring me out of my thoughts. I lock eyes with him timidly. “I’m a fuck-up, okay? At least I can admit it. I had the best thing in the entire world for me, and I ruined it all.” He pauses, breathing in sharply.

“I’m sorry I let Hollywood define me. I’m sorry I let it influence me. I am still the same person I was. My feelings for you haven’t changed one bit. In fact, I haven’t even been with anyone since you.”

My eyes widen. Jace has been single and alone since our last time together? Dread fills my insides. You’re going to have to tell him.

Jace leans in to kiss me, and I roll with it. I know we are going to have to talk. He proceeds to take the lead by removing his dark hoodie and underlying shirt in one swift movement. I stare at his fit body feeling a mixture of turned on and guilty.

He reaches for my clothes, tugging at them. I haven’t been naked with Jace in a long time. What if he thinks my body has changed for the worse? I look down at my 150 pound body. I’m nowhere near my goal weight, but I think where I am is totally acceptable. In fact, lately I’ve been embracing my curves.

This, though? This isn’t me. The thing with Luis…that’s never happened before, and I don’t want to live up to any kind of reputation like that. I know my face must look like a storm of emotions.

Jace catches on to my hesitation and pulls away. “Look, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I think I just got carried away.”

I look back at him sadly. “Maybe we could just talk?”

He chuckles. “Yeah, I think we can do that.”

Ten: I Don’t Want to Exist in a World Where We Aren’t Together

Jace

They must be running her ragged at her new record label, because exhaustion is all over her face. She is nodding off right in front of me and I don’t have the heart to wake her up. Instead I find a spare blanket and pull it over her. I’ll let her rest now, we can save the talk for later.

I head into the kitchen, famished, searching for anything to satisfy my appetite, but I know good and well I don’t have any food here. Since I don’t come here often, I almost always eat out. I open a drawer in the kitchen where I have stashed a gang of takeout menus. I glance up on the clock adorning the microwave. It’s a little past eleven. I hadn’t realized it had gotten so late.

I sift through the menus, realizing my best bet at this hour is probably a pizza restaurant. I happen to know my favorite one is open until one in the morning, so I pull out my phone to hit speed dial. As I unlock my screen I notice a handful of missed calls and texts from Chenise. My stomach drops. What now?

I open the first message. Jace? Where are you? I need you to call me right now. I swallow, uneasy, proceeding to open the following message. Jace? Please just call and let me know you’re alright.

I have no idea what is going on, but I forgo the voicemail messages to call her directly. She picks up on the first ring. “Jace! Oh my God. Are you alright?”

“Chenise?” I ask, my voice shaky. “What is going on?”

Chenise expels a long breath of air. “I think you need to come home.”

“Chenise?” I ask, my heartbeat accelerating.

“Turn on your tv, Jace,” she says sympathetically. I race around the glass structure and up the stairs to the master suite so I can do as instructed. I don’t even have to search for it. It’s right there in front of my face as soon as the TV roars to life. It’s a breaking news story. There are police cars, lights, and sirens…and in the background is my house.

“Chenise?” I ask, frantically.

“Someone broke into the house, Jace,” she finally caves.

I feel like a sledgehammer is being taken to my chest. “What? Are you okay?”

She pauses. “I’m fine, Jace. I wasn’t there.”

“What did they take?” I ask, my mind racing to all my expensive belongings. Probably one of my paintings by Banksy—it’s going for around $75,000 these days.

Chenise sighs. “She didn’t take anything.”

“She?” I cry out. I was not expecting that. “If she didn’t take anything, then what did she want?”

“She wanted you,” Chenise says simply. “I probably shouldn’t say anything else until you come see it for yourself.”

“How bad is it?” I ask.

“On a scale of one to ten, we’re looking at a seven.”

My heart drops into my stomach. “Well, I’m a little tied up at the moment.” I think back on Peyton asleep on my couch. There is no way I’m letting her out of my sight. Not until we get closure…one way or another. “Do you think you may be able to take care of this in my absence?”

Chenise breathes deeply. “Yeah, I think I can manage. You know you start filming for Duel in three days, are you going to be able to make that?” she asks.

I had nearly forgotten; the reason I don’t want to let Peyton out of my sight. In three days I am going to be on lockdown for a six month shoot. It’s going to be long hours and it’s going to be grueling…and I am not going to have time like this. If I intend to have any sort of option of winning her back, I need to do it now. “Yeah, I’ll make it. Chenise?”

“Yes?”

“It’s time to bring in that security we’ve been talking about.” Honestly, I probably should have done this a long time ago, I guess I’m just happy I’m doing it at all.

“I think that’s a really good idea.”

I hang up with her and tuck the phone back into my pocket. When I look up, I notice Peyton standing in the doorway. “How long have you been standing there?” I ask.

Peyton smiles lazily. “Just a couple of seconds.”

I cock my head to the side. I wonder if she’s hungry too.

“I think it’s time for me to go,” Peyton says the words I’ve been dreading.

My face falls instantly. “Really? I thought we still had a lot to talk about, don’t you?”

Peyton musters up a fake smile. “It’s been a long time, Jace. Things have changed. I’ve changed. I’m not the same girl from a couple of years ago. I’m finally beginning to find myself, and it feels exhilarating.”

I’m happy for her, I am, but I don’t want to exist in a world where we aren’t together. “Just give me a chance, I know that you still feel the magic when we are together.”

Peyton sighs. “That’s the problem, the magic is still there. If anything, it’s stronger than ever.”

“Then what’s the problem?” I press inquisitively.

“We are both going after things that make us happy and we are passionate about. Relationships are about give and take. I’m worried that at some point, one of us is going to have to give up our dreams for the other to be successful, and that’s not what I want.” Peyton spins around, walking out of my bedroom and down the hall. “Not to mention the fact that you lied to me for so long. I don’t know how I am ever supposed to trust you again.”

“It’s called a leap of faith,” I grasp at straws. I will do anything to change her mind. “Look, I can’t make anything right if you don’t give me the chance to fix it.”

“When is your flight?” I ask, scrambling after her. Peyton’s travel plans only included time for her magazine interview and other press stops. I know I am running out of time.

“Tonight at 8:15,” she answers.

“Postpone it,” I plead. I just need twenty-four hours to make her change her mind. I’m positive.

Peyton’s facial expression drops. “Jace.”

“Postpone it,” I repeat, grabbing her hands in mine and squeezing them. “I love you, Peyton Lane, and I’ll be damned if I let you slip through my fingers this time. I know I made a mistake, I’m taking full responsibility, but I don’t want to be apart any longer. Too much time has already been lost. I know you still love me too. I can tell.”

Peyton’s expression doesn’t change. “It’s too late, Jace.”

“There is no expiration date on love. You don’t just wake up one day and stop loving someone. It takes time.” I close the distance between us, and I can feel her breath hitch. I still make her nervous. If there wasn’t hope, her body wouldn’t subconsciously react like that. My lips curl up in a small smile.

“What?” Peyton asks, utterly dumbfounded.

I inch closer to her and sense her body tensing up. Even better. She is backing up as I am closing in. She doesn’t even realize it yet. She’s giving herself away with the small gestures. In one small movement, I found out everything I needed to know. There is still hope for us.

I move so close to her that her back is pressed up against the glass railing, her breathing heavy. “Are you feeling okay?” I ask playfully. “You look a little flushed.”

She pushes at my chest, replying in fashion. “You’re such an asshole.”

A smile spreads across my lips. I knead my fingers through her hair and watch as she loses herself in the intimate feeling. She closes her eyes, reveling in it. Hook. Line. Sinker.

I press a kiss directly below her earlobe and I can feel her body shudder against mine. “You know, you say you’re not interested, but your body is telling me a completely different story right now.”

Peyton sighs, seemingly frustrated. “Why do I always feel so powerless when it comes to you?”

“It’s called love,” I answer.

“Well it feels like I’m a prisoner.” She huffs.

“Prisoner of Love, hey, that could be your next song title.” I chuckle. “That’s actually kind of catchy. You can thank me later.”

“How do you do that?” Peyton asks.

“Do what?” I inquire.

“Make me forget all the reasoning’s behind my why’s.”

I smile widely. “It’s a super power of mine.” I lean in, pressing my lips to hers. A small moan escapes her own and I know it won’t be long before she’s giving in to her temptations.

I maneuver us over to a side wall which feels much safer to me than being pressed up against a glass railing. My lips are exploring her neck and collar bone, trailing over them ever so slightly. Peyton’s breathing is becoming louder, more center stage. It’s turning me on.

“No,” she says out of breath as she pushes me away gently.

“No?” I ask, confused. I step toward her again and take her mouth in mine, claiming it as my own. When I pull away, I decide to question her again. “Why not?”

I see something flash behind her eyes and then she is the one kissing me. Her fingers are raking through my hair sending goosebumps throughout my body. “Alright,” she says holding me off with a hand to the chest.

“Okay?”

“I’ll postpone,” she says. “On one condition.”

My victory dance is short lived. “What?”

“I have to be your date to the Duel premiere.”

“Done.” I don’t even think of the ramifications of simply agreeing, I just know that Peyton has allowed me another chance, and with the premiere, I feel like my chances doubled.

“Are you sure about that? You don’t want to think about it for a second before agreeing?” Peyton asks, her forehead creasing.

“Positive. If it were up to me, you’d be my date to the rest of the award shows for the rest of my life. That’s how serious I am about you. About us.” Peyton blushes and I nuzzle her neck. “Now come on, I’m starving.”

Eleven: For a While there, I Had Forgotten What it Felt Like to be Looked at from those Eyes

Breaking Free

© 2015 DarienMae

Set me free from my misery

Into the night, shadows surround me

It was worth the risk

To break free, break free, break free

Of your chains

Breaking chains, set me free

Set me free from my misery

Breaking chains, set me free

Set me free from my misery

You’ve held me back for far too long

I’m taking back my life

To move on, move on, move on

To better times

I’ll never forget what I’ve been through

To rid myself of you

But I sure as hell ain’t looking back

I’ve found a better view

Breaking chains, set me free

Set me free from my misery

Breaking chains, set me free

Set me free from my misery

No looking back

I’m getting out

I’m breaking these chains

No more doubt

You can do this

You’re stronger now

Let your wings expand

To fly you out

Time for a new start

Happy ever after

I’ll never forget, I’ll never forgive

What happened in your chapter

I’ll never forget, I’ll never forgive

Peyton

I don’t know if I’m making a mistake, but I am trying to ignore my head and simply go with my heart. Plus, I feel kind of like a rebel missing my flight. Besides my tryst with Luis, it’s been one of the only reckless things I’ve done lately. Sometimes it feels good to let go of your inhibitions and just…live.

Jace and I stay up talking into the wee hours of the morning, until the sun begins to rise. I fall asleep at some point or another, on one of the couches, and wake up in one of the bedrooms. I look under the covers and I am fully dressed. Not that I ever doubted Jace and his noble intentions. I can hear some commotion coming from downstairs. I wonder what he is doing down there?

I climb out of the plush queen bed and make my way to the adjoining bathroom. There are lengthy rectangular mirrors that hang on each wall. I take in my appearance. For just waking up, I don’t look half bad. I don’t have glossy eyes from heavy sleep, my crow’s feet are nearly nonexistent, and my pupils are full and round.

Reaching into my pocket, I pull out a hair tie and pull back my loose curls into a low hanging ponytail. I rub my finger under my eye to get rid of the remnants of yesterday’s eyeliner and then pout my lips in the mirror. The butterflies are returning with a force. How he can still have such a strong effect on me is insane. I try to shake off some of the nerves before fidgeting with my clothes and heading downstairs.

I can hear him humming softly before I ever even turn the corner. My lips curl up into an unstoppable smile. When he catches sight of me his face lights up.

For a while there, I had forgotten what it feels like to be looked at from those eyes. To be lusted for. Wanted. It’s an intense feeling. Unmatched.

“Good morning,” he says softly as he rounds the kitchen island to come give me a quick kiss on the cheek. “How did you sleep?”

“Good,” I reply. “When did you move me?”

He chuckles retreating back to his previous job at hand. He is busy making omelets, bacon and toast. It smells delectable. “Sometime after four in the morning, I woke up to get a glass of water, and you just looked like you needed more space.”

“Well, thanks,” I say simply, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

“Does this feel weird?” Jace asks.

I shift my eyes to his. “Well, yeah, but what else would you expect?”

He shrugs. “I don’t want things to be weird between us.”

“Well, we can’t go back to the way things were, so what are you proposing?” I ask.

“A fresh slate. At least for twenty-four hours.”

I nod my head slowly. “What happens in twenty-four hours?”

“I turn into a pumpkin,” he jokes, to which I smile. “Look, I know we are not going to be able to just move past everything in the matter of a couple of hours or even a couple of days, but that’s all I have right now. I am about to go into a really long filming shoot for Duel and I want to know where we stand before I go.”

“Jace, that’s putting a heck of a lot of pressure on me,” I reply, my heartbeat steadily increasing.

He nods. “I know, and I’m sorry for that, but Peyton, if we don’t give it another shot now, we’re done…and I’m not ready to be done yet.”

“Me either,” I admit softly. He rushes over to me, cupping my face. “So don’t be.” He tips my chin up and presses his lips to mine gently. When he pulls away, he presses his forehead against mine. “Live in this moment with me, Peyton. Live in the now.”

That’s what pushes me over the edge. Those are the words I need to hear. I throw my hands out, around his neck, pulling him down and into me. I kiss him slowly at first, then deliberately, taking his bottom lip in mine every so often. I can tell I’m working him up. As badly as he wants me, I want him back just as much. I can hear the food crackling, but we are too tied up in one another.

Jace quickly clears the large kitchen table, and then lies me down flat on the cold glass. A shiver runs down my back and I don’t know if it’s from the cool surface or the anticipation of what is about to come. Jace maneuvers his mouth down my hairline, neck, collar bone, and now dangerously close to my chest.

As much as I want Jace, and can recall just how passionate our previous times together were, this just doesn’t feel right. As soon as I hear the deafening snapping I know our hideaway has been compromised. I sit up quickly. “I thought you said no one knew about this place?”

“No one did…” Jace replies, backing away.

The photographers are snapping away and I know we are both about to be in big trouble with the people who run our careers and lives.

“What now?” I ask.

“We give them something to gossip about.” He closes the distance between us, dips me and then places a deep kiss on my lips. When he releases me, I’m dizzy. I guess that’s one way of doing it.

*              *              *

Jace’s phone has been ringing off the hook since the paparazzi photos leaked of us from his not so secret second home. “Are you going to answer that?” I ask as I glance at him from the passenger seat of his Range Rover.

He takes a peek at the screen of the phone and then chucks his phone into the back seat. “Naw.”

My lips curl up in a smile. “Where are we going?”

Jace taps the steering wheel with his fingers. “Well, I figured that you might want to get out, not be cooped up.”

I nod. “That was probably a good observation.”

When Jace is clearly pulling up to another residence my heartbeat begins to accelerate. “Where are we?” I ask, glancing around at the gated entrance.

“My other house,” Jace says simply.

“What?” I cry out. “Isn’t it a bad idea bringing me here?”

“That was before the paparazzi got wind of us together and our whereabouts…now it’s going to be like hell to get rid of them. It doesn’t matter where we go now, there isn’t going to be any privacy.”

As the gate begins to slide open, his mansion comes into view. I’m not surprised by the size, I know how well Valor did in theatres. I can only imagine the amount of money Jace pocketed from it. His home is probably around 10,000 square feet. I’m taking it all in, my heartrate accelerating. This is the home where Jace has been spending his time. The place he has been living his life. His other place didn’t bother me as I knew it wasn’t his permanent residence, but this makes me uneasy. It feels weird that I’ve never been here before.

“Home sweet home,” Jace says softly pulling into the multi-car garage and killing the engine. Within seconds the door leading into the house opens and a petite, short blond stands there staring at us. My heart dips into my stomach.

“Jace?” I ask, hoping he will understand what I am getting at.

“It’s Chenise, my assistant,” he replies unbuckling and then hopping out.

The anxious feeling I have begins to slowly dissipate.

Chenise watches Jace closely as he addresses her. I climb out of the car. “Chenise, this is…”

He doesn’t even get a chance to finish as Chenise all but knocks him out of her way. “Peyton, wow, I have heard so much about you.” She reaches out her hand in an attempt to shake mine.

I oblige. “Really?” I eye Jace wondering just how long he’s been thinking about me—talking about me.

He flashes me a sympathetic smile and then looks back at Chenise. “Do I even want to go in there?” he asks. I’m not sure what they are talking about, but I am suddenly intrigued, my ears perking up.

Chenise’s facial expression drops. “We’re working on it.”

“Well, I guess I can’t stay in the dark forever,” Jace says, gliding past her and into his house. I follow Chenise in and my eyes drink in his expensive home. “Show me,” Jace says to Chenise.

She nods and then leads the way through the large home and up the stairs. The extensive spiral staircase feels never-ending. When she leads the way into a bedroom, I can tell simply from the double doors it is the master suite—Jace’s room. I take in his unkempt bed and blush, looking away. This is his private life, without me. I don’t know how I should feel.

I watch as the pair makes their way into the bedroom, hanging back in the hallway.

“Holy shit,” Jace exclaims loudly. My heartbeat begins to rise and I don’t think I can be so polite anymore. I hesitantly take a few steps into his bedroom, turning the corner. There on the wall is a message for him, written in what looks like blood. Half of it has been washed, but the red liquid stains the wall.

The only visible part of the message reads, ‘You are mine and I am yours. There will never be another. We will grow old together. I will have your children. We will start…’ And that is where it stops due to the intense clean-up.

“Who did this?” Jace asks, clearly perplexed.

“Her name is Tanya Duncan, she runs three different Fenton fan pages,” Chenise replies timidly. “The police have her in for questioning.”

“How did she manage to get in?” Jace asks, his eyes darting around.

“She hopped the fence into the backyard, and one of the sliding doors had been left unlocked.”

Jace sighs, rubbing his face.

“And, there’s something else,” Chenise says.

“What now?” Jace asks.

“I found her in your bed…naked.”

My mouth drops open without refrain.

“Um, wha-what?” Jace fumbles over his words.

Chenise nods her head, an ashamed look spreading across her face. “I might recommend washing your sheets if I were you.”

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my lips. Jace turns his gaze on me, burning me from the glare. “What’s so funny?” he asks dryly.

“Oh, come on,” I say softly. “You have to find some humor in this.”

His lips begin curling up into a smile, but I can tell he is working hard to suppress it. He turns his face away, giving himself a break from my stare.

Jace begins tearing the sheets and comforter from the bed violently. Chenise exchanges a worried glance with me. I shrug and then turn my attention back on him. Once the bed is stripped, he turns back around, his attention on Chenise. “What is the status on the extra security?”

“They are going to be here within the hour,” Chenise says, glancing at a paper in her hands. “Every station and their mother are calling for exclusives, and since we don’t have Justice dealing with it, it’s getting just a little bit overwhelming for me.”

Jace rubs a hand over his face. “I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t think this through. Can you start looking for a new agent for me? And don’t worry, you’re getting a raise for all your hard work.”

Chenise’s face lights up and it’s as if she’s gotten a second wind. “I’m going to deal with everything downstairs, you guys good here?”

Jace’s eyes widen. “Downstairs? There’s more?” His voice cracks as he digests the information she is feeding him.

“You know what, don’t even worry about it. I got it handled.” She seems so confident, so sure of herself. I have to give her props. She spins around, bouncing out of the room.

“She’s good,” I say.

Jace nods. “I know.”

He grabs the pile of sheets and tosses them out of his room and into the hallway. “What now?” I ask.

Jace opens up a cabinet at the far end of the room, grabbing an arm full of what look to be neatly folded bedsheets and pillow cases. “Well right now, you are going to help me make a bed.”

Twelve: I Feel Like Someone is Clawing at My Brain, Their Fingernails Getting Stuck in the Flesh.

Jace

Hours later my house is cleared and Peyton is the only person remaining. There have been extra cameras installed and now we have two security guards posted on both sides of my house. I am finally beginning to feel comfortable in my home again. Thank God Chenise wasn’t here when the house was broken into, I don’t even know what would have happened.

It’s selfish of me to keep Peyton from her real life any longer, but it feels so good to see her. My life has felt so hollow without her in it. I wish filming a movie wasn’t such a time commitment. I wish I could explore the possibility of us to its full potential this time around, but I know it’s not fair. I know that I need to let her go. Let her live her life.

“You’re doing it again,” Peyton says from across the table, sipping on her water, the ice cubes clinking against the glass.

“Doing what?” I ask, amused.

Her cheeks begin to grow redder. “Staring.”

I break my stare only for a second and then train my eyes back on her. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it. I’m just making up for lost time.” I take a drink of my own water. “How’s your dinner?”

I had Chenise order us my favorite Chinese takeout, and I’ve been dying to hear her review, but it seems her mind is elsewhere. She is pushing her fork around the plate, but the food does not seem to be disappearing. “It’s really good, Jace,” she forces a smile on her lips.

“What’s bothering you?” I ask, setting my water glass down on the table.

She looks around sadly. “This…us.”

“What about it?” I press.

“Well, it feels nice. It feels real nice…almost as if we just fell right back into our old ways, but it’s not real. We’ve just been playing pretend. In a few hours I go back to my life in Ohio, and you stay here, like nothing ever happened.” She sighs, tossing her cloth napkin on the table.

“But you know, and I know, and now every tabloid in America knows, that is not true.”

“What do you really expect to happen when I go back?” Peyton asks. “Did you think that you would just go off to film your movie and we would just meet up afterward like no time has passed?”

I shrug, frustrated. “I’m not sure what I thought, but I sure as hell am not ready to lose you for a second time. That is one thing I am not ready for.”

Peyton’s face falls. “I’m kind of seeing someone. Well, I think we are. I guess I don’t know how to classify what we are.”

It feels like someone just punched me in the gut. I guess I never really weighed the possibility that Peyton might not be available. “Does he make you happy?”

Peyton shrugs, her expression sympathetic. “I don’t know yet. It’s new, and it kind of just happened.”

“Well, he’s a lucky guy, I can tell you that much,” I reply, rubbing the back of my neck. I hear the chair she is in scoot across the floor, and then footsteps approaching. I look up and Peyton has closed the distance between us. As I attempt to stand, Peyton pushes me back down, instead planting herself directly on my lap.

“Jace, you know that for me, it was always you, but you hurt me, and I’m not sure that is something I am going to be able to move past. I still think you are the most incredible man I have ever laid my eyes on. I still believe that you were meant to be in my life, for however short or long that will be.” She pauses, smiling at me. “You know how proud I am of you, right?”

I nod slowly. “So where does this leave us?”

Peyton shrugs. “We broke our own rules about the restart.”

I pull my wrist up to eye level, glancing at my watch. “It looks like we still have a few more hours to really shake things up. What do you want to do?”

“Let’s go out. What are some good clubs around here?” Peyton asks.

In all actuality, us being seen out together is probably not the best idea in the world, and honestly will add more fuel to the fire for the tabloids, but I’m done being a passenger in my own life. I’m taking control once and for all. “I’m not so sure about clubs, but what about the Viper Room? Every time I’ve been there they’ve had killer live music.”

Peyton’s eyes light up and I know I’ve made a good suggestion. Thirty minutes later, and we are on our way to the venue. Chenise set us up with a driver so we could have a good time and not worry about driving while under the influence, so we begin the night early. We are on our second shot when we pull up to the Viper Room. Unsurprisingly, there are paparazzi camped out, outside the venue, waiting to get that money shot. Peyton and I share a knowing glance. “You ready for this?” I ask.

Peyton nods. “I guess I need to get used to it. Stripped is getting a lot of airplay right now, and I don’t know what is going to come from it.”

“A lot of good.” It’s not ideal that a song about me ripping her heart to shreds is at the top of the charts, but I can’t help but be happy for her. She deserves this.

As I climb out and come around to open her door, the flash of the cameras nearly blinds me. “Jace! Jace! Over here!” The photographers scream out at me simultaneously.

I reach in and grab Peyton’s hand, leading her out. This sends our audience into a frenzy, the snapping loud and overpowering. I lead her into the venue and we are promptly seated in the VIP section. Not long after, a bottle of Dom Pérignon shows up to our table. “I didn’t order this,” I shout into the server’s ear.

She nods smiling. “I know. It’s on the house. Thanks for choosing to spend your evening at the Viper Room, you are welcome back anytime.”

I pull away nodding. “Thank you.” I turn back around, facing Peyton. “Looks like we’re in for a good night.”

*              *              *

I feel like someone is clawing at my brain, their fingernails getting stuck in the flesh. My stomach feels out of sorts and all I can smell is bacon and not the breakfast kind, the greasy cheeseburger kind. I open my eyes slowly, taking in my surroundings.

It is obvious I am not at home. The room is more rectangular than mine, and the bed firmer. I glance to my right and see Peyton sprawled out, face in the pillow, and her bare back exposed. My heart begins to beat quicker at the intimate sight. Did I? Did we? Did I seriously miss the entire thing? Suddenly I feel as though I am going to be sick, I spring out of the bed so fast, racing into the restroom. After I’ve hacked up what feels like my entire insides, I wash my mouth inside and out and make my way back out.

Peyton is wide-eyed staring back at me when I exit the bathroom. “Well, good morning to you too,” I grumble.

She has the sheet wrapped around her shoulders, and she is standing a few feet away. She grips her stomach with her hand, keeling over. “I think I am going to be sick.”

I step out of the way just in time to allow her access, and then she closes the door behind her. My eyes scan the room and I notice a reoccurring theme. This is definitely a romantic suite, as everything in it—the pillow cases, the towels, all say His and Hers. I head over to the small table in the corner and pick up a card I notice on it.

Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Austin. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your big day. Please enjoy this suite on us! – Staff of Englewood Suites

My stomach drops and I gulp, glancing at the closed bathroom door. All of a sudden the metal band around my left ring finger becomes glaringly obvious. I stare at it for a few seconds in disbelief.

“Umm, Jace?” I hear from inside the bathroom. She sounds frantic. I open the door slowly, and Peyton is hovering over the bathroom sink. Her left hand is extended and she is staring at it through the large mirror. She too has a ring. A large diamond one, nonetheless.

Holy shit. We really did this.

Thirteen: Jace could say unicorns fart rainbows, and all the women and girls in the audience would still be in awe and fascinated with him.

Hooked

© 2015 DarienMae

Hit me with everything you have

Show me your moves

I will run away with you

Just ask me to

I didn’t forget the pain you’ve caused

Breaking my heart, breaking my heart

Breaking my heart

It’s been years, but I’m still here

The love won’t disappear

I’m hooked on you

I’m hooked on you

Hit me with everything you have

Show me your moves

I will run away with you

Just ask me to

I didn’t forget the pain you’ve caused

Breaking my heart, breaking my heart

Breaking my heart

I’m hooked on you

I’m hooked on you

We’re burning up with passions and desires

Hit me with everything you have

Show me your moves

I will run away with you

Just ask me to

I didn’t forget the pain you’ve caused

Breaking my heart, breaking my heart

Breaking my heart

Peyton

I think I am going to hyperventilate.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes recently, but this one definitely takes the cake. “What do we do?” I ask, frantically.

Jace looks pale, whiter than a ghost. I exit the bathroom and join him on the edge of the bed. “Hey, don’t you think you should call Chenise?”

Jace’s eyes slowly drift up to meet mine as he nods. “Okay, what is her number?” I ask, reaching for his phone.

He doesn’t bother answering me, but once I’ve managed to unlock it, I find her in his recent call log. She answers on the second ring. “Jace? Where are you? I’ve been worried sick. Have you seen the tabloids?”

I take a deep breath. “Hey, Chenise, this is Peyton…Jace is processing what happened last night.”

“Oh, hey Peyton,” Chenise says seemingly startled.

“How bad is it?” I ask, unsure if I even want the answer.

“Turn on the TV.”

I do as she instructs and not surprisingly the first station is an entertainment news show with Jace and me front and center. The headlines read, Undercover Affair, Surprise Wedding, and more. I feel sick to my stomach. “You just became a household name.”

I take a few deep breaths, attempting to center myself. “So what now?”

“Now we do damage control,” Chenise responds. “But I can’t do anything without you two here.”

I nod, not even thinking she can’t see it. “We’re on our way.”

Not surprisingly, I’m being blown up. If it wasn’t for my phone being dead all night, I might drive myself insane reading the responses. I have unread texts from Colton, Luis, Noah, Brooklyn, Madison, Harper, not to mention the missed calls from my parents and Kayleigh. The pressure is overwhelming. It doesn’t seem real. I know I am going to have to face the music soon, but I choose to remain naïve for a wee bit longer.

“So, the smartest thing would be to have Chenise get us information on an annulment,” Jace says. I can’t help my mouth dropping open in response.

Jace sees my reaction and immediately begins to back pedal. “I mean, unless that’s not what you want to do.”

I shrug. “I didn’t plan on marrying anyone anytime soon…but I am also old fashioned when it comes to marriage and I don’t believe in divorce. If I marry someone, I want them to be my forever.”

Jace nods. “I don’t like the idea of divorce any more than you do, but when I get married, I want to make sure it’s for the right reasons…not because I’m black-out drunk and with my ex-girlfriend who I still have feelings for.”

My face falls and I shift my eyes out the window, avoiding his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that,” Jace says softly, reaching for my hand. I oblige and he squeezes it reassuringly. “Whatever we choose to do, we are in this together, okay?”

I nod. “Okay.”

*              *              *

Our time is running out, and only hours stand between Jace and his flight to Georgia for the filming of Duel. We’re no closer to coming up with a resolution to our dilemma since we began brainstorming with Chenise over six hours ago. The sun is coming up and we are all running on fumes.

“Maybe we should just look into an annulment,” I say, semi-delirious.

Jace’s eyes widen. “I thought that you didn’t believe in that?”

I shrug. “I don’t, but if it’s the best thing for us, then I’ll do it.”

“No,” Jace says firmly. “I don’t want you to have to compromise your beliefs.”

“Then what do you propose, Jace? Because we’re just about out of options and time,” I snap unintentionally. To which I immediately follow up with an apology. My exhaustion is getting the best of me.

Jace shifts his attention to Chenise who is no more awake than I am. “I know it’s last minute, and it’s going to require a lot from you, but do you think you might be able to get us on Kelley tomorrow?”

Chenise stares back at him dumbfounded. “You’re a genius.”

“Do you think you can do it or not?” Jace asks, eagerly awaiting her answer.

She nods. “Let me work my magic.” She hops up and bounces out of the room, headed for the kitchen.

“And then what?” I ask, genuinely interested.

“And then we tell our story,” Jace replies, scooting toward me on the couch. He wraps his arm around me, giving my head a pillow of sorts. I sigh, feeling the familiarity in the embrace.

“And what do you expect me to tell them?” I ask.

“The truth.”

*              *              *

“Boy, do I have a surprise for you guys,” Kelley Lacey says excitedly to her packed studio audience. “I don’t know any other way to say it, except I have both Jace Austin and Peyton Lane here to talk about the pictures that rocked the entertainment world this week.”

We are watching the audience’s shocked expressions, when it turns into a barrel of cheers, louder than I’ve ever heard in my life. I understand, they’re getting a once in a lifetime exclusive. I feel Jace grab my hand and then squeeze reassuringly. “You ready?” he asks.

I nod. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

We walk out onto the stage, hand in hand, a united front. The expressions on the audience members’ faces are a mixture of shock, happiness, anger, confusion. They don’t look like they know how to feel.

There is a couch set up for us, adjacent to Kelley, but we both go in for hugs before settling in. “You know, I gotta tell ya, after the first time you were both on my show, I never knew what was in store for you two…but I definitely didn’t expect to have you both back here…together. Not that I’m complaining or anything,” Kelley says.

I nod. “To be quite honest, I’m not sure if either one of us could have imagined this outcome either, but we’re here, and we’re ready to talk about it.”

Kelley smiles warmly back at me. “That is what I find so fascinating. Most Hollywood couples fight tooth and nail for their privacy and freedom, but you two basically revealed your life in front of the world, for all to see. What makes this connection so much different than the others?”

Jace glances at me, smiles, and then back at Kelley. “I love her. I always have. I always will.”

Kelley laughs, clapping her hands together. “Well you guys heard it here first, Jace Austin is off the market, stay tuned for more with the newlyweds.”

The cameras pan off of us for a moment as the break kicks in, and Kelley stands up, inching toward us. “I don’t believe I’ve had a chance to say congratulations yet.” She embraces us both at the same time.

“Thank you,” I say, glancing at Jace.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why me?” Kelley asks curiously as she sips on a bottle of water.

Jace takes the lead on this one. “Oh, you know, the scandal of the year or the love story of the year…and who better to bring that reality to life than you?”

Kelley smiles. “It’s about time to get back on, you two ready?”

Jace laughs. “We were born ready.”

“Welcome back. We’re here with Jace Austin and Peyton Lane, the Hollywood couple who’s thrown everyone into a frenzy. Now, Jace, I hope you know I am going to have to ask the hard questions this time around…I think the world deserves to know,” she addresses him.

Jace nods, remaining mute.

“Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you and Angelica Frost a hot and heavy item recently?”

Jace looks out into the audience as the filled seats gasp and wait for the scandalous truth. “Yeah, we were…but Angelica and I were never anything serious…our agents set us up and the chemistry was nothing compared to what Peyton and I have.”

Kelley scrunches her eyebrows in thought. “But you two dated for quite some time, in fact, you went on two promotional tours promoting yourself as a couple, isn’t that right?”

I can feel how uncomfortable the line of questioning is making Jace, and I want to jump in and come to his rescue, but maybe these are questions that need to be asked. “That’s right.”

“So none of that was from a marketing aspect, it was purely coincidental?” Kelley asks suspiciously.

Jace sighs. “When you work so intimately with someone for as long as it takes to film a movie, you grow closer, it’s natural. Angelica and I had a chemistry of our own, she is one hell of a woman, and I could have never asked for a better co-star. But there’s never been any doubt in my mind that for me, it’s always been Peyton.”

I can’t help the blush I feel pouring over my cheeks, the heat seeping in.

Jace could say unicorns fart rainbows, and all the women and girls in the audience would still be in awe and fascinated with him. It’s like he can do no wrong. Kelley hit him with those hard questions, and he maneuvered them like a boss.

I know there are people out there who would die to be in my position, but to me, he’s just Jace. My Jace. That’s all there is to it. That’s all it’s ever been. He’s mine and I’m his. Simple as that.

“Peyton,” Kelley interrupts my deep train of thought. “Now, you’ve been back in Ohio working on your music career, correct?”

I nod, suddenly alert.

“And your debut album just released with your single Stripped Me to the Bone debuting at number ten on the Billboard charts. Do you know how difficult that is to do for a widely known artist, let alone a new one?” I have realized how incredible the ride has been since everything started…but I guess I didn’t realize my story was so out of the ordinary.

“Yeah, I’m just so thankful and grateful for it all,” I say.

“Now there’s been speculation in the media for a while that you wrote Stripped Me to the Bone about Jace, can you confirm or deny that?” Kelley sure isn’t holding back the punches today.

I nod, unsure of what to say next.

“Well, that’s got to be rough. Knowing someone hurt you that bad, yet giving them another chance. What changed, Peyton?”

I glance at Jace and as I begin to open my mouth, ready to answer, Jace jumps in. “Peyton and I have been through a lot…more than any normal couple should ever have to experience, but we made it through because we had each other. I don’t know what the future holds for us, and I know it’s going to be tough as hell being apart due to our work schedules, but I believe in us.” Jace stands up and then kneels down in front of me.

“What are you doing?” I hiss, my heart beating against my chest.

“I’m giving you a re-do,” he says before inhaling deeply. “Peyton, I didn’t get to do it the way I know you would have envisioned it, the first time, but please let me try this again. I remember the first time I laid eyes on you. I knew then that I wanted to do whatever it took to get to know you. I know I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning, and listened to what other people said, but you were always the end game for me. You are my first thought when I wake up and my last thought before I go to sleep, even after all of this time…that has never changed.” Jace pauses, allowing the audience to calm down their wild cheering.

“There is something about us when we are together. We are like electricity. The spark and passion is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. I don’t want you to be anyone else’s happily ever after, but mine. I love you, Peyton Lane, I’ve always loved you.”

The audience erupts into a deaf-defying roar and I don’t care that the entire world is watching, Jace just professed his love for me for the second time in front of the entire world. He deserves something for that. I pull toward me so that we are eye-level. “I love you,” I say slowly, making sure he hears every word before closing my lips upon his.

I didn’t think the cheers could get louder, but boy was I wrong.

“Well, you guys heard it from the horse’s mouth—it’s the real deal, and they are very much in love. Congratulations to the happy couple. Shutterfly didn’t want to miss out on the action, so they are sending you two on a very private, very romantic honeymoon in Bora Bora, at the Hilton Bora Bora Nui Resort & Spa, for a 4 day/3 night relaxing vacation. They are going to put you up in one of their bungalows perched above the water, where you can even watch the tropical fish beneath your feet through the glass flooring.”

Jace and I stare wide-eyed at one another. “Wow, thank you,” I stumble over my words.

“Don’t thank me, thank Shutterfly!” Kelley smiles big for the camera, the audience continues clapping and the cameras cut.

Fourteen: Somehow, I Managed to Turn the Scandal of the Year into the Love Story of the Year

Jace

It’s hard to get over the high from it all. Somehow, I managed to turn the scandal of the year into the love story of the year, and I didn’t even need Justice to make it happen. I breathe in deeply, reveling in the fact that we pulled this off.

Peyton doesn’t look as enthusiastic as she grabs her unopened suitcase from the hotel her label set her up with for the trip. “What is it?” I ask.

She hands me the suitcase, takes one more look around and then begins leading me out of the hotel room. “Well, for starters, what happens now?”

I expel a bit of air, feeling some tension. “Now, I take you to the airport.”

She scoffs. “That’s it?”

I shrug. “Look, this is as new for you as it is for me. I’ve never done this before. I don’t know how to be a…husband.”

“I’ll talk with my lawyer about an annulment then,” Peyton says under her breath.

“Excuse me?” I grab her arm, stopping her in her tracks. “Do you see this?” I lift up my left hand so it is eye level for her, my ring in clear view. “This means commitment. I don’t take this lightly.”

Peyton sighs. “So I’ll ask again, what happens now?”

I look around. “Well, first we are going to need to get out of the way.” I pull her off to a side wall, out of the line of foot traffic. “And secondly, I could use a kiss from my wife.”

She smiles slightly and then steps into me, pressing her lips to mine. It is short and sweet, but exactly what I need. The kiss seems to help dissolve the fogginess in my brain. She pulls away and I put my hands on her shoulders.

“You are going to fly back to Ohio, and deal with all the craziness there, and I am going to be flying to Georgia for the movie. I’m going to have limited time while filming, but I know I want to see you in the next few weeks. Whether I come to you, or vice versa, it’s something that means a lot to me.” I shift her around as we begin walking again.

I can feel her nodding into my shoulder.

“Does that plan work for you? I want to talk more permanent changes soon, but we both have priorities we need to take care of.”

She glances up at me, and then bobs her head yes.

“Good,” I reply, kissing her gently on the top of her head.

I’m not great at goodbyes, so when the time comes, it’s not surprising that I’m a bit shifty. I see Peyton off and then begin making my way to my own gate. I feel the vibrating of my phone inside my pocket, as I grab for it, bringing it up to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Chenise’s familiar voice answers. “You on your way to Atlanta?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I reply.

“Peyton make her flight okay?”

“Yep. What’s up, they’re just about to board?” I press.

Chenise sighs. “The woman who broke into your house, Tanya Duncan, was released on bail. The hearing is going to be next month. I just wanted you to know.”

I breathe out deeply. “Thanks, Chenise, I appreciate it. Are you meeting me in Georgia?”

“Yeah, I will be. I have some meetings with potential new agents first and then I’ll be making my way there.”

“Listen, thanks for everything that you’ve done for me,” I say. “I honestly don’t know how I would have done it without you.”

I can feel her smile through the phone. “You’re welcome. It was my pleasure.”

“Alright, Chenise, see ya soon.” I hang up the phone and pick up the pace when I hear them announce first class boarding on my flight.

*              *              *

“Dude, I guess congratulations are in order,” Tyrone says, pulling me in for a hug.

“Thank you, thank you.” I pat him on the back. Before we even part, I see Angelica making her way into the big room. Her eyes widen when she sees me.

“Never in a million years did I think it was true,” she says as she approaches me.

I shoot her a sympathetic smile. “Hey, Angelica, how you been?” We share an awkward embrace before parting.

“Oh, I’m fabulous. I’m the new face of Cover Girl, I just landed a sitcom role, and this of course. I couldn’t ask for better luck.”

“Wow,” I reply. “Sounds like things are really going well for ya. I am very happy to hear that.”

“And you…” she says, almost in a disgusted tone. “You really went out and did it?”

I nod. “Yeah, I really did.”

“You know, I didn’t get to see much, but I did catch the end of your special on Kelley, smart move. Did Justice set that up for you?” she asks.

I shake my head. “Actually, no. I haven’t been working with Justice for quite some time now.”

“Really?” she asks, surprised.

“Yeah, really.”

Our director, Tim, comes walking in, and suddenly all eyes are on him. The whole room erupts in cheers. He looks surprised and then grateful as we praise him.

“Wow, what a warm welcome. It feels so good to be back.” Tim stalks to the middle of the room. He looks around, assessing how many people are present. “Looks like we might have some stragglers. In the meantime, here are the scripts. Let’s get started.” He reaches into the side pocket of his laptop bag and pulls out a stack of scripts. My stomach tenses up.

What if the last movie was a fluke? What if I’m not the man or actor everyone thinks I am? I get insecure, just like everyone else…but it always comes out at the most inopportune times.

I glance around the room at the sea of faces. Some are veteran actors, been in the business longer than I’ve been alive. Some are rookies, cast off an open call. None of that matters to me though. I just feel so privileged to be doing something I love among this colorful cast of characters. I don’t want to ever take that for granted.

“Angelica, Jace, you guys ready?” Tim calls out.

We exchange a nod and then open our scripts turning to the first page.

I inhale sharply. And so it begins…

Fifteen: So We Had a Rough Start, but We Are Sisters, We’re Always Going to Have Each Other’s Back

Believer

© 2015 DarienMae

Once upon a time
There was a girl

Special in many ways

Known around the world

She grew up a peasant

But came a queen

Lived in a castle

And had everything

Queen B

Genie, Genie, take me away

To another land

A faraway place

Genie, Genie, take me away

Take me away

She fought many battles

Along the way

Met many foes

As well as some mates

They challenged her power

Her will to fight

She never gave up

The end in sight

Queen B

She came out victorious among the rest

Proving to them all she was the best

Queen B

Genie, Genie, take me away

To another land

A faraway place

Genie, Genie, take me away

Take me away

Sometimes fairy tales come true

Sometimes they do, they do, they do

Make me a believer

Show me the truth

Make me a believer

Believer in you

Peyton

“You can stop staring at me like that,” I say to my parents and sister.

My father fixes his gaze elsewhere, but my mother keeps her eyes trained on me, and her jaw tight. Kayleigh looks uncomfortable all the way around.

“Your hair looks nice.” Kayleigh made a drastic change when she cut off all her hair into an A-cut. But she’s Kayleigh, she’s gorgeous, so she pulls it off.

“Thanks,” she mumbles as she touches it lightly.

“You couldn’t even pick up the phone and tell us you were going to get married? You couldn’t have even given us a heads up on the date?” my mother asks sadly.

I want to tell her the truth, but I know how much it will hurt her if she knows I don’t even remember my nuptials. “It just kind of…happened.”

“How can something like that just kind of happen?” my mother cries out, her dark green eyes sad.

“I’m sorry, mom,” I say. “I truly am. I never meant to hurt you when I did this. We were caught up in the moment. It’s Jace…you know he’s my kryptonite.”

My mother sniffles, shifting her eyes away from mine. “I just wish you would have thought about your family and how they might like to be a part of the biggest day of your life.” Her voice cracks and she hops up to her feet. “I’m sorry, excuse me.”

My stomach is in knots as she rushes out of the living room. I turn my attention to my father. “I’m sorry if I disappointed you, daddy.”

He locks eyes with me, his glossy and red. “Oh, baby, I could never be disappointed in you.” He stands up and takes a few steps toward me. “You’re my baby girl. You’re always going to be my baby girl.” He wraps his arms around me as I stand. I’m shaking from the tears. The last thing in the world I ever wanted was to hurt my parents.

Kayleigh comes over and wraps her arms around the both of us. “We’re a family, and family sticks together.”

I feel so fortunate to have both my father and sister’s blessings. They may not be happy with my actions, but they are willing to accept me, and that’s all that matters.

“Are you going to be staying here tonight or are you going home?” my father asks, as we all pull away. “Your mother set up your old bedroom with the heated blanket you love.”

I smile faintly. “That was sweet of her, but I haven’t been home in a…while, and I’d like to make sure I didn’t leave it a mess the last time I was there.”

He nods. “Your mother isn’t upset with you, she’s just hurt. You might want to give it a little bit of time.”

I gulp in a sob. “Okay.”

“I’m going to go check on her. I love you, baby.” My father kisses my forehead before leaving the room. We listen as his footsteps retreat up the stairs.

Kayleigh pulls me down to the couch with her. “How are you really doing?” she asks, her concerned eyes raking my face.

I take in a deep breath. “I feel…lost. I mean, it’s Jace, and I love him…but I wasn’t anticipating this.”

“I don’t think anyone was, but I also know how much he means to you…so I can’t say I’m surprised.” Kayleigh tucks some of my hair behind my ear. “I’m here if you need to talk, okay? I’m on break from school.”

“Thank you, Kayleigh.”

“You’re welcome,” she replies quickly.

“Not just for today, for everything. For being my sister,” I say.

Kayleigh tucks her chin in. “Yeah, well, I haven’t always done such a bang up job at that.”

I squeeze her arm reassuringly. “We have all the time in the world to make up for that.”

She smiles, yet looks sad.

So we had a rough start, but we are sisters. We’re always going to have each other’s back.

*              *              *

When I get home to my apartment, my door is ajar. I don’t have the best feeling as I enter. “Brooklyn?” I call out. When I don’t get an answer back I tinker with the lights, but the electricity is out.

I drop my bag in the doorway and reach for my cell phone. Without really thinking what I’m doing, I end up calling Luis.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the famous newlywed herself,” he answers on the first ring.

I cringe. I forgot there are more people to tell than just my family. My friends are going to have a lot to say about it, I just know it.

“How was your trip?” Luis asks when there’s been a considerable amount of silence between the two of us.

“It was…eye opening,” I say, thoughtfully deciding on my word choice.

He chuckles. “I bet. So what’s up? Aren’t you just getting home?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s actually why I’m calling. Do you know if anyone has been to my apartment since I’ve been gone?” I ask.

Luis breathes deeply into the phone. “No, I mean, I’m not sure. Why?”

I sigh. “My door was unlocked and open when I got here, and the lights won’t turn on. I’ve been too chicken to go inside.”

“Don’t go inside. Wait right there,” Luis instructs. “I’m coming.”

“Okay,” I say, smiling to myself. It’s nice having friends you can rely on. “I’ll talk to you when you get here.” I hang up the phone amidst an objection from Luis. It’s not like I’m going to sit on the phone with him the entire time he drives here.

I turn the flashlight feature on for my phone and then pull up my big girl panties and enter my apartment again. It is eerily dark and quiet, and I have goosebumps. The temperature seems unusually low. “Hello?” I call out, inching timidly through my home.

My heart is beating wildly inside my chest as I whip my phone around, illuminating different parts of my apartment. I hear the wail of a siren, and rush to the window overlooking the parking lot. Maybe Luis called the police? Just as I begin to let the idea sink in, I feel a breath of warm air on the back of my neck, making all the hairs on my body stand on end.

“Boo.”

I stumble forwards, terrified, but my legs feel like Jell-O. I’ve never been more scared in my entire life. Without bothering to look back to see if it’s someone I know, I make a mad dash for the front door. Just as my hand wraps around the knob, I feel the carpet pulled from underneath me and I’m roughly thrown to the ground. My face hits the wood flooring with a thud, and the room begins to spin.

The shadow of another figure comes to rest upon me as they approach. I’m fighting to stay coherent, fighting to get a good description of the perpetrator. “Wait, you’re a girl?” I ask as my vision finally goes.

Sixteen: I Just Want to See Her—I Just Want to See My Wife

Jace

The shooting days are long and tough on me, but I want to make it a point that every night, no matter how late it is, I make sure to FaceTime with Peyton. I want to see her face even though I know far too many miles separate us. I rush into my trailer, exhausted, with one thing on my mind. I don’t even bother changing out of my clothes from the scene. I just want to see her. I just want to see my wife.

Hurriedly I retrieve my phone and call her through the application. I can’t wait to see her.

When she doesn’t answer, I’m disappointed, but chalk it up to the fact that she is busy, just like me. I know it’s going to be a struggle with the distance, but I also know that challenges can be rewarding. “Chenise,” I call out, knowing very well my assistant is in the back of my trailer.

She comes strolling out, her phone in hand. “Hey, what’s up? You ready to go?”

I shake my head. “I need you to book me the next flight home between filming and anything else we have on the calendar. The sooner you can get me out the better. And I’d like at least twenty-four hours, if not more.”

Chenise nods with understanding. “That’s going to be tough, Jace. You know as well as I do we won’t get very many breaks during the shooting schedule.”

I sigh, running my hand over my face. “Well, just do what you can, okay? I believe in you.”

My phone begins to vibrate in my hands and I feel like a young school boy, giddy and unsure of himself. “There you are, I was hoping I’d get to talk to you tonight,” I say without a clear greeting.

“Um, I’m sorry, this isn’t Peyton. Is this Jace?” a deep male voice asks.

My heart begins to pound against my chest. Why is a guy answering Peyton’s phone? Better yet, who is he? “Who is this?”

“Luis, man, this is the guy that signed her band.” For some reason his answer only seems to aggravate me more.

“Yeah? Well, what are you doing with Peyton’s phone?” I ask defensively.

“Dude, chill out,” Luis says. “Peyton called me when she got home because she thought something suspicious might be going on at her house. She didn’t want to go inside alone.”

“So why didn’t she call me?” I exclaim angrily.

“Look, man, you’re in a completely different state. Peyton knew I could make it to her a lot sooner.”

“So where the hell is she?” I demand.

“That’s why I’m calling. I told her to stay put, and that I would be there soon and it really didn’t take me long…fifteen minutes max. But when I got here, Peyton was gone.” He pauses, distressed. “I found her phone face down on the floor.” Luis sounds genuinely worried.

“What do you mean gone?” I ask, my heartbeat speeding up in my chest.

“Vanished. Caput. I have triple checked every room…but she’s not here.”

I jolt up from my seated position. “I’m getting on a flight.”

“You don’t have to do that. I’m about to call the police, but I thought it might be worth the effort to see if you might know where she was.” The casual way he talks about it irks me.

“I haven’t seen her since I dropped her off at the airport,” I reply.

“Alright, well if you hear anything from her, will you give me a call? You can just call her phone, I have it on me,” Luis says.

“Yeah, and vice versa. I want to be the first call if you hear anything, you got it?” I know I sound stern, but something tells me that she wouldn’t just disappear without any word. I feel sick to my stomach.

“Roger that,” Luis replies and then the line goes dead. I don’t give a shit what he said about not coming, it’s my wife we’re talking about. If I don’t hear something in twenty-four hours, I’m hopping on the next flight to my hometown.

I didn’t even realize Chenise was still in the room. She has a sympathetic look on her face. “Is everything alright?”

I take in a sharp breath of air. “Peyton is missing.”

“Oh my God, Jace, are you sure?” Chenise replies appropriately.

I shrug. “Apparently something fishy was going on at her place, so she called her friend Luis and asked if he could drop by. When he finally made it, Peyton was nowhere to be found.”

“Oh my…what are you going to do?” Chenise asks, pacing about the room.

“It’s Peyton, Chenise, I have to go.”

“What about Duel? What do you think Tim is going to say?” Chenise asks frantically.

“Honestly, I don’t care. It’s my wife, Chenise. At the end of the day, none of this matters without her.”

Chenise smiles sadly. “You’re a good man, Jace. Now go. I’ll figure something out.”

“Have I mentioned that you are overdue for a raise? Because you are. And when I get back we’re going to sit down and reassess your role with me, okay?” I hurriedly begin unbuttoning my shirt.

Chenise blushes. “Thank you. I’m going to take off…have to book you a flight.”

“You’re the best.” I grab her arm, stopping her.

She nods and then rushes out of my trailer.

My mind is racing a mile a minute. Where could she be?

Seventeen: If This is the End, Thank You for the Memories

B&E

© 2015 DarienMae

Sometimes I lie awake

Dreaming of your face

Breaking & Entering

We’re coming for ya

We’re coming for ya

I think of you and you think of me

I can’t help but feel the chemistry

Looking straight into my eyes

I feel a deep connection inside

Wondering how you passed me by

Making me feel all warm inside

I know you’re real

I know it’s true

It’s written all over your face boo

Don’t you know I held my truce?

Keeping it real the whole way through

I got mad love for you

Breaking & Entering

We’re coming for ya

We’re coming for ya

Sometimes I lie awake

Dreaming of your face

I think of you every day in my wake

Hoping that maybe you’ll come back to me one day

Breaking & Entering

We’re coming for ya

We’re coming for ya

Sometimes I lie awake

We’re coming for ya

We’re coming for ya

Dreaming of your face

We’re coming for ya

We’re coming for ya

Peyton

When I come to, a harsh fluorescent white light is blinding me, and I can tell I’m restrained; the ties around my wrists, digging into my skin, hard to ignore. The glossiness evaporates from my vision, and suddenly, I can see clearly. I am in a bathtub, tied up.

Immediately, I begin panicking. My heart is racing a mile a minute and I am flopping about crazily.

“Well, well, well, you’re finally awake,” I hear a female voice exclaim from outside the door. It opens and an Amazon woman walks through the door. If I have to guess, I’d say she is nearing six and a half feet tall. She has long black hair and broad shoulders. I don’t recognize her at all.

“What do you want from me?” I cry out, unsure of my impending fate.

“What do I want from you?” the woman cackles, looking at me like I’m going crazy. “Why would I want anything from you? In fact, no one is going to want anything to do with you after I’m through with you.”

My heartbeat begins to accelerate. I don’t know what I did wrong. I’m scrambling, searching my mind for anything I could have done, any reason this woman might want to harm me.

“Listen, I’m sorry if I offended you in any way, believe me, that was the least of my intentions, but can we discuss it like civilized human beings?” I ask. I know I may be going a little overboard with the last part, but I risk it. The ropes that bind my wrists are cutting into my skin, making it raw.

“You’re just not getting it through that thick skull of yours, are you? This has nothing to do with you.” She twirls her finger around the room, insinuating that my kidnapping was for alternate reasons.

“Then what does this have to do with? Why am I here?” I cry out, unable to stop myself. I’m beginning to hyperventilate.

“Hello,” the woman shouts condescendingly as she knocks on my forehead roughly. “This has to do with Jace, you dimwit. I can’t believe you didn’t put two and two together.”

“Jace?” I asked, confused. “How do you know Jace? And why would you want to hurt him like this?”

“Hurt him?” the lady asks, throwing her head back and laughing. “This is not about hurting Jace, it’s about showing him who his real soulmate is.”

I stifle a laugh, unable to stop myself. “You’re delusional.”

“What did you call me?” she asks, leaning down for effect.

“I said…you’re delusional. Jace wouldn’t want to touch you with a ten foot pole.” I know I’ve gone too far when she shifts her face and I can see her expression turn dark. The fist comes seconds later.

This is going to hurt.

*              *              *

My eyes flutter open, and I instantly feel the shift in my surroundings. I am no longer tied up in the bathtub, yet now I am tied to the foot of a bed. My nose feels like it’s broken, and I can feel the dried blood on my face. When I breathe, there are sharp pains in my sides, almost like I have bruised ribs, and I can only imagine what took place while I was unconscious.

I don’t know that I truly believed I was going to die before, but this time when I wake up, my body goes into full on panic mode. I am trembling, shaking, and searching for a way to free myself. I hear shuffling in an adjacent room and go still.

“Perfect! This is so perfect!” her familiar voice boasts.

I don’t wait to see what is so perfect, I just go back to my task of getting free from the ropes. I’m so preoccupied, in fact, that I don’t hear the footsteps coming, or see the shadow hovering above me as I attempt to free myself.

She chuckles in an evil way. “There’s no need to bother, I had a brother in boy scouts.” She is referring to the complicated and tightly wound knots holding me prisoner.

“What are you planning to do with me?” I ask. I figure it can’t be bad to keep her talking.

“Well, oddly enough, my plans have changed a little bit. Did you know how much information you can find about a person just by Googling them?” she asks.

I shake my head, unsure of where she is going with this.

“My good friend Google here told me that before Peyton Lane was topping the charts with her hit single, she was enjoying her stay at a mental ward. Want to know what’s even better? She was put there because she tried to kill herself!” She squeals like she just won Bingo. I have no idea why she is referring to me in the third person, but I listen intently.

“What are you getting at?” I ask, not shocked by the fact she could find those hospital records.

“Well, if you tried to do it once, who says you wouldn’t try again?” Her brown eyes brighten in a sinister way.

“What are you talking about?” I gasp, my heart banging against my ribcage wildly.

“It just seemed too easy to just hire a hitman, you know? That would just be eliminating my problem and it wouldn’t be much fun. So I decided what better way than to hire the hitman to make it look like a suicide, especially when the victim is as perfect as you are for this.”

“I don’t understand,” I exclaim. “Why are you doing this?”

“Peyton, I am doing this because you hurt Jace. I am doing this because I am going to be the one to pick up those scattered pieces and help him put his heart back together again. Me. He is my soulmate. You were never supposed to be part of the equation.” The way she talks about our relationship like she knows what took place is baffling to me.

“Sure, that sounds perfect and all. You get your happy ending…but you are forgetting one thing,” I say.

“What’s that?” she presses me.

“Everything is evidence. The ropes digging into my skin—evidence of foul play. You may get away with this now, but mark my words, you’re going to be caught. Do you really want to risk it all for life in prison?”

Her eyes widen. “You’re good, Peyton. I didn’t give you enough credit. That’s why I am going to tell you this, because I want you to chew on this until it’s time. The person who is sending you to your grave is Tanya Duncan. I am going to be Jace’s new wife.

Tanya Duncan? Tanya Duncan? Why does that name sound so familiar? Suddenly, it hits me. That is the name of the woman who broke into Jace’s house and vandalized it. The same woman who has only been recently released from jail on bail. According to Jace, he’s never even met her, she’s just a crazed fan.

I hear a pounding outside, and the woman’s eyes flit up. “Great, he’s here. It’s time to get started.”

My heart feels like a jackhammer at this point, and I will stop at nothing to free myself. The adrenaline kicks in like a swift kick in the gut and I’m pulling, prying, digging at the ropes and the knots holding me prisoner. I can’t die like this. Not when people will be vulnerable to believe the evidence. I know there is enough evidence on my wrists alone to open an investigation, I just don’t want my family to have to go through the scrutiny of them calling it a suicide until they determine it’s a murder. It’s crazy I’m even thinking about this. My own murder. I am going to die.

My heart gets another jolt as my eyes focus frenzied on the knots and I dig into them with my nails. I can hear the chorus of footsteps as they approach the room and I think I might puke. My stomach is churning.

Tanya returns, and is followed by a male in his late twenties, early thirties. His biceps are as big as two of my calves and his chest is well-pronounced. I’ve never been this scared in my entire life. Not with Jax, not with anything. This takes the cake. I can’t hold it in and keel over, vomiting all over the ground. There are red chunks of tomato pooling on the ground inside of the pink liquid. It makes me not want to eat salad ever again. It’s a mixture of the vinaigrette I chose and the rancid taste from the vomit that has me ralphing again.

She is laughing at me, enjoying all too much in my discomfort. I don’t know what to do, so I lean back against the bed and begin silently praying. A few moments later, I feel something brushing against my bottom lip and chin and I open my eyes to see the ripped male cleaning the vomit off my face. My eyebrows crinkle, wondering why he would bother cleaning me up if they just plan on killing me, and I swear I see something shoot across his eyes. He barely flinches, but I know we just experienced something together.

Tanya taps the toe of her shoe impatiently against the hard ground. “We’re running out of time, he’s going to come looking for her.”

The handsome hitman looks at me with a confusing stare and then back at the woman calling the shots. “This isn’t going to work for a crime scene. The vomit, the restraints...” He grabs my wrists to examine them. “Jesus Christ, how tight did you tie these?”

Tanya sighs. “I don’t give a flying fuck. I just need her gone. Now!” she screams at the top of her lungs, making me cringe.

“Well unless you want to be indicted for this, I’d recommend you leave the crime scene now.” Somehow he keeps his calm with her, surprising me.

This seems to resonate with her and she cools down, grabbing her purse and then racing toward the hallway. “Just call me when it’s done.”

I watch as she leaves and hear the door slam beneath us, and then don’t waste another second. “Please, please, please help me. I’m begging you!” I cry out.

The young man furrows his eyebrows and then stares at me with an icy stare. If looks could kill. “Stop talking,” he orders in a calm voice much like the one he used on Tanya.

“Please!” I plead, ignoring his orders. “You don’t have to do this. Whatever she offered to pay you, I can pay you double. Shit, make it triple. I can pay you triple whatever she offered, if you just promise to let me go.” I know it is not wise of me to continue speaking, but if this is my last chance, I want to make sure I go out swinging.

He backhands me across the mouth, ripping my lower lip open and making my jaw go numb. I tuck my face into my chest, the pain aching and throbbing through my teeth. “I said shut the hell up.”

I am breathing deeply, still coming to terms with the fact that this is the end. Tears begin to well up in the corner of my eyes and I close them, squeezing them tightly. I don’t want to know what happens next. I hear something scraping across the hardwood floor, coming closer to me, and tremors rush through my body.

If this is the end, thank you for the memories.

Eighteen: Wherever She is, I Just Hope She’s Safe

Jace

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” Madison continues to repeat, pacing across the floor.

“It’s not going to do Peyton any good if we’re just standing here like idiots,” Brooklyn snaps.

Madison, Harper, and I all lock eyes with Brooklyn. None of us want to be standing around doing nothing, we just feel like we have run out of options. We have checked her apartment, the recording studio, her usual hangouts, and called just about every person in her phone book. It’s as if she vanished into thin air.

“I think it’s time we went to the cops,” Harper suggests, wringing her hands out nervously.

My stomach begins churning incessantly. I feel like I’m going to puke. Peyton is missing and not one of us knows her whereabouts, if she’s safe, or even if she needs our help. I’ve never felt more powerless.

The front door opens and in walks Noah and a guy I don’t recognize. He is Mexican and around our age. “Hey,” they both greet us with solemn expressions.

We are all looking at them, hopeful that they have a breadcrumb, but I know they haven’t had any more success than we have. “Sorry, guys, we looked everywhere.”

Madison stifles a cry, and Brooklyn and Harper console her. “Who is going to call her parents? Kayleigh? Oh, God!”

It feels like someone is stirring the hurricane inside my stomach. I swallow, digesting everything. “Luis?” I ask, addressing the unfamiliar guy in the room.

He nods with a forlorn expression. “Nice to meet you. I wish it were under different circumstances.”

He shakes my hand, his grip tight. “Jace, I take it?”

“Yeah. Do you mind if I take her phone?” I ask, unsure of how he will take my request.

He shakes his head, unthreatened, and reaches into the front pocket of his dark grey jeans. “Here ya go. Hopefully you’ll have more luck with it than I did.”

I squeeze her phone between my fingers, wishing even one of us knew her whereabouts. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. I have some phone calls I need to make to her family. Ladies, I need you to go to the police station and open a missing person’s report on her. Luis, if you can go to the studio and wait there, I know the others said she spends a lot of time there.”

He nods understandingly. “Noah, would you mind heading over to Peyton’s apartment, just in case she shows back up?”

Noah shakes his head.

“Good, then I think we have a plan. How about we all meet back up here in three hours and compare notes?” Everyone nods in agreement.

I know I should feel relief that we have put a plan into motion, but it just makes me worry more about her. She wouldn’t have just wandered off without her phone in the dead of night. I know her. Something happened to her, and I’m determined to find out what.

*              *              *

A little more than three hours later, we are all crammed back into Madison and Brooklyn’s two bedroom apartment with no leads. My imagination is running wild with thoughts of what might have happened to Peyton. I just want to hear her voice, to know she is alright. It’s the one thing I want most in the world right now. Chenise has been calling every other hour, on the hour, for updates. I know she is worried about me, but she is also worried about my brand. I know I can’t miss more than a couple of days of filming due to being such an integral part of the film, but that is the least of my worries. Finding Peyton is the only thing I care about.

“What do we do now?” Harper asks, terror lacing her voice.

“Now, we get some rest and hope for some good news in the morning,” I say. I don’t know how I got appointed leader amongst the group, but I’m taking the role in stride. It’s almost nine in the morning, and I can read the exhaustion on everyone’s faces. No one wants to be far away in case any news comes in, so the ladies graciously let us crash on the floor and couches.

It’s been hours, and I can’t sleep at all. My stomach is in knots. All I want to do is hold her and tell her I love her. I wonder where she is, if she’s scared. I wonder if she’s alone. I wonder if it’s dark where she is. I wonder if she’s cold. Each and every thought tears me up more. At one point, I notice Noah tossing and turning for a good fifteen minutes before giving up and joining me at the kitchen table.

“Hey,” he whispers, trying not to wake anyone. “Can’t sleep?”

I shake my head. “Nope. You either?”

He nods. “It’s hard to sleep when we have nothing to go on.”

I sigh, rubbing my chin. “I just keep thinking about what would have happened if she had caught a different flight, or if I had convinced her to stay with me…”

“Dude, don’t do that, you’ll just end up torturing yourself.” I’m surprised Noah and I can be so cordial, considering our tense past. But I know he cares about Peyton and would never let anything happen to her. That’s one thing I can appreciate about him.

“You know, I know that we have had our differences, but I do want to thank you for always being there for Peyton. I always knew if she was with you, I didn’t have to worry,” I say softly.

Noah’s eyes widen. “Wow. That means a lot, man.”

I nod stiffly, staring out the window. “Where do you think she is?” I ask, more to myself than anything else.

Noah answers anyway, “Wherever she is, I just hope she’s safe.”

Nineteen: I on the Other Hand, Am the Epitome of Shaken, Stirred, and Straight Up Desperate

Inside My Mind

© 2015 DarienMae

I – I

I’m giving you an inside view

Take what you need to make do

I never said it’d be pretty

I – I am so far gone

I – I am so withdrawn

You keep holding on

But I – I am so far gone

Strip away my layers

Beneath my skin and bones

I’m an ugly person

Just looking for my home

I’ve got battle scars and bruises

That cover my insides

I’ll do whatever it takes

Just to survive

I – I am so far gone

I – I am so far gone

Peyton

The hitman has retreated into the bathroom and I can hear him tinkering around with something.   The ropes feel even tighter around my wrists as the time on the clock ticks by. I’m out of ideas at this point on getting myself out of this precarious situation, so I do the only thing I know how to do—I talk. “What’s your name?” I call out, unsure if my action will get me killed.

He pops his head out from inside the bathroom. His eyes are lowered, taking me in, and his mouth is a thin line. I’m positive I’ve overstepped. Yet, he opens up his mouth and does the very thing that baffles me, he tells me his name. “Olly.”

“Nice to meet you, Olly, I’m Peyton. I would shake your hand, but I’m a bit indisposed at the moment,” I joke, and I swear I see a twinkle of something behind his eyes. He begins to retreat back into the bathroom when I panic. “Olly, I promise I won’t tell anyone what I saw here. It will be like none of this ever happened. You want money? I can get you money. Just please, my family and friends are probably worried sick about me.”

He pops back out again, this time a long, sharp knife is in his hands. He is slowly running the blade back and forth between his fingers.  My heartbeat begins to accelerate and tears sting the corners of my eyes. This is it.

“I’m afraid we’re too far down the rabbit hole at this point, to turn back,” he says calmly.

I on the other hand, am the epitome of shaken, stirred, and straight up desperate. I will do just about anything at this point to be able to see tomorrow. To be able to see my family again. To be able to see Jace. I close my eyes, tears spilling down my cheeks and begin silently praying. I haven’t been religious in a long time, but if I survive this, I just may think about going back to church. My eyes snap open and the words spill out of me before I can stop them. “If you’re going to kill me, make it fast.”

A smirk spills across Olly’s face, and I’m unsure what has him so amused. He takes a few steps closer to me, my eyes never leaving the knife, and I swear he can hear my heart banging against my ribcage. “Hey, aren’t you that famous singer?”

“I’m nobody,” I mutter, slinging my head down.

“No, I’m pretty sure you’re the singer of this new band,” he says, walking closer to the bed and setting the knife on top of it. He reaches in his pocket, pulls out his cell phone, and uses the magical power of Google to find a few images of me. He enlarges one of the pictures and holds the phone up to my face for a side by side comparison. “Yep, I’d say that’s you.”

I’m unsure why this matters to him, but if it works in my favor, I’m all for it. “So maybe it’s me. Now what?”

He sighs, rubbing his chin. “Now we have a problem.”

I cock my head to the side. “Problem?”

He nods. “Your face is going to be all over the news. Hell, it may already be.” He quickly grabs a TV remote which is sitting on one of the adjacent nightstands and turns on the television. He doesn’t find anything on the first few stations, but finally, there is a light at the end of the tunnel when I see my picture on the screen of the television. I sit up straighter, attempting to hear.

“Peyton Lane was last seen in Day Heights, where she visited her family briefly before heading home.” The camera pans in on Brooklyn, Madison, and Harper, and they all look distressed. I don’t think they have slept since I went missing. “This is just so unlike her,” Brooklyn addresses the camera. “If anyone has any information about her whereabouts, please come forward. Her family and her friends need her.” Olly quickly turns off the television and throws the remote at the wall, shattering it.

I flinch, unsure of what his next move will be. Something tells me that his anger is a good thing for me. He wouldn’t be angry unless things weren’t going his way. He rubs his chin roughly, seemingly in deep thought.

“What now?” I ask timidly.

His eyes flit to mine, and they are dark and cold. “Now, I get rid of you.”

“What?” I ask, my breath catching in my throat. It’s the only thing I have the chance to get out before he takes a few steps toward me and then elbows me right in the face. My head whips back violently, my face is throbbing, already feeling as if it is ballooning up. I can feel blood gushing from my nose and lip, but I can’t do anything about it.

So much for garnering too much attention.

He kicks me in the ribcage a few times, and it feels as if my bones are shattering beneath his foot. It feels like a million knives are digging into my skin anytime I breathe, and the first time, it knocks the wind out of me.

Don’t be here.

I want nothing more than to listen to my inner voice and to let go of my physical senses here, but that means I’d be giving up. That means I’ve signed my own death certificate, and this time around, I want to live.

I feel every ounce of the pain and at times I think I am going to die. Right here, a bloody death. Somehow though, some way, I lift my head up and manage to lock eyes with my attacker. He stops his assault dead in his tracks, anticipating what I am going to say or do. “I forgive you,” I say.

“You what?” he asks loudly and dramatically.

Sure, it may sound weird, forgiving the man who has the potential to take my life from me? But it is the only way I know I am going to be able to find peace. If I die, I won’t harbor the resentment…and if I live through this ordeal, I can move on. I can let go of the anger, and just live my life.

“I forgive you,” I repeat. “I know you can’t see the wrong in what you are doing now, but someday it will make sense. I don’t want to hold onto that anger in anticipation of that day, so I am getting it over with now.”

Olly’s face twists around as he digests my words. I guess I’m naïve to think anything I have to say might be of importance to him.

It happens so fast, I don’t have time to react; his boot collides with my face and I’m down for the count.

Twenty: I Am Running on Empty

Jace

I haven’t slept more than a couple of hours in the last forty-eight. I am running on empty. My eyes scan the room, and I realize, we are all there. After meeting up with Peyton’s parents and Kayleigh, we did a neighborhood search of the area Peyton lives in. The police are on the lookout now, and everyone is on edge, tense. We posted fliers for miles, spoke to everyone we could within a five mile radius, but no one has seen anything out of the ordinary.

It was Madison’s idea to get the news stations involved. I was hesitant, both Peyton and I already have enough on our plate, but Madison made valid points. The news would have a much further reach than simply searching for her whereabouts. I lost count of the amount of interviews I did with the stations regarding her disappearance, but I just hoped it was in our benefit, that someone, somewhere, would have seen something and called in.

Kayleigh looks just as distraught as I feel as she makes our tenth pot of coffee. Her brows are furrowed and her brown eyes, the same ones that match Peyton’s are glossy. “We’re going to find her,” I say softly from the kitchen stool. Kayleigh glances over and locks eyes with me, her sadness is crippling.

“What if we don’t?” she asks, her lower lip quivering.

I hop off my stool, taking careful steps toward her. “We are going to find her,” I repeat, making sure my voice sounds sure.

She nods, taking a deep breath in, and then, it’s as if she can’t hold it back any longer, tears begin to roll down her reddened cheeks. I wrap my arms around her and pull her into me. “It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared shitless, we all are…but Peyton is a fighter, isn’t that what you always called her?”

Kayleigh wipes her tears away and backs up. “I’ve been such a shitty sister to her.”

Another tear spills down her cheek, and I catch it with my finger, swiping it away from her face. “You’re going to have plenty of years to make that up to her, okay?”

She sniffles, nodding. “Okay.”

I pull her back into me once more for a tight hug. “She loves you. If anything, she’ll fight for you,” I whisper into her ears.

Kayleigh gasps, choking on her tears. I rub her shoulder gently when I feel the vibration from my phone in my pocket. I grab it quickly and answer it without regard to who it is. “Hello?” I’m more frantic than I intend to be.

“Jace Austin?” the voice on the other end asks.

“Speaking.” My heart is pounding like the beat of a drum.

“Sir, My name is Sergeant John Fuller from the Cleveland Police Department, and I’ve called to inform you that we have located your wife.”

“You found her? Where was she? Is she okay?” I glance over to all the anxious eyes fixated on me, and Madison falls to her knees, unsteady. Noah rushes to help her up.

Everyone within hearing distance is up on their feet and running toward me at full force. Suddenly I feel a lot of pressure as all the pairs of eyes lock on me.

“Yes, Sir. Can you come down to Metro Health?” he asks.

My heartbeat begins rapidly increasing by the minute. “What? Is she okay?”

“Yes, just banged up and bruised, but she is going to make a full recovery,” he answers.

I let out a long breath of air I don’t even realize I am holding. I begin pacing around my onlookers, my legs restless. “Yeah, yeah, we can be right there.”

I don’t even bother waiting to hear anything else, I hang up the phone and then throw my arm up in the air in victory. Everyone begins yelling and shouting, and anyone who wasn’t awake, is now. As everyone is busy embracing one another and showing their love and affection, I’m racing around, not wanting to waste another moment.

*              *              *

“Do you see her?” Harper asks, peeking around the rest of the group. Because Peyton’s welcoming party is so big, they asked us to stay in the waiting room. I was given the option to go in and get her and bring her out, but with Kayleigh squeezing my arm with a death grip, I don’t really have a choice but to wait along with them.

The door to the waiting room opens and a man pushing a wheelchair exits. Hunched over in the seat of the chair is Peyton. I’m sure we look like a wild herd of animals all bum rushing her wheelchair, but I’ve never been more relieved in my life. “Careful!” Peyton’s mother warns as we all get close to her. She is wincing and in obvious pain, but the minute she sees us she begins crying.

“Oh, baby,” I say, crouching down beside her. “What happened to you?”

She continues crying, her breathing becoming uneven.

“Oh, she’s been through enough already. Let’s just get her home,” Kayleigh interjects. She steps toward Peyton’s chair and then breaks down herself. “I don’t know what I would have done if they hadn’t found you.” Kayleigh hunches over and hugs her sister, being careful not to injure her in the process.

After she releases her, I help get Peyton out of the hospital and into the back of her parent’s SUV, as we all head back to their house. Peyton is seated beside me, and she looks exhausted. She has two black eyes, bruising all across the bridge of her nose and below it, bruises all over her body, and I’m sure that’s not it. I suck in a sharp breath. This should never have happened to her. Gently, I move her long brown curls out of her face. “Don’t ever scare me like that again,” I whisper.

Her eyes shift to meet mine. She doesn’t answer, just lies her head into the crook of my neck, and closes her eyes, dozing off immediately.

Twenty One: Funny How I’m Surrounded by People That Love Me, but There is Only One Person Who Makes Me Feel Safe at all Times, and That’s Jace

I Always Knew

© 2015 DarienMae

There was a time

Back in the day

When you and I used to hang

It’s been a while

You’ve been gone

And things are rearranged

I – I always knew you

Could see right through you

I – I always knew you well

Fly high

You wash over me

You wash over me

Fly high

You wash over me

You wash over me

We were always a good thing

We always had that chemistry

I know it’s been awhile now

Can we rekindle that flame somehow?

Fly high

You wash over me

You wash over me

Fly high

You wash over me

You wash over me

We were always a good thing

We always had that chemistry

I know it’s been awhile now

Can we rekindle that flame somehow?

Peyton

So, I’m back at home.

Okay, not my actual apartment, but the place that feels more like home than anywhere else, my parents’ house. They set me up in my old bedroom, and I’ve been holed up for the past week. Jace stayed for as long as he could before jetting back to film more of Duel. I know he feels guilty, and I know he wants to be with me, but this is important to him.

I’m still not a hundred percent sure what happened. I know that Olly beat me to a bloody pulp and then dumped me in some ditch somewhere, probably to die. Instead, a passerby spotted me and ended up calling 911. If it weren’t for the elderly gentleman that saw me and stopped, I don’t know what would have transpired.

My phone has been ringing off the hook since the incident, with news stations and reporters calling at every hour of the night. Everyone wants to get the first exclusive. I don’t even know how I feel about what transpired. I know I never want it to happen again. Kayleigh has been on a break from school and it has been so refreshing having her around. I didn’t realize just how much I missed her.

I’ve seen a psychiatrist my mother recommended a couple of times since I’ve been back. It’s helping. I am trying hard not to be bitter about what happened. I am trying to move on with my life. Speaking of moving on, I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and I realized that being with Jace is where I feel safe, and that I want to move. We’ve been talking, and he’s all for it. I’ve already began calling movers. My parents are nervous, but they like and trust Jace, so they are understanding.

“What are you thinking about?” Kayleigh asks. She is sprawled out on my bed, flipping through the newest Cosmopolitan while I channel surf aimlessly.

“Honestly?” I pause, taking a deep breath. “Everything.”

“What are you worried about?” Kayleigh asks, her brows furrowing. She sets the magazine down and sits up straighter.

“I’m worried that the band is going to be angry with me for wanting to move, and I’m worried I am going to break us up because of it. I’m worried that Jace might have more crazy fans like Tanya, and that I’m never going to feel completely safe again.” I inhale sharply, taking a break from my monologue.

“Peyton, you just have to take it one day at a time. I’m sure things aren’t going to feel like normal for a while. The most important thing is that you keep going.” Kayleigh scoots closer to me, putting her arm around me. “The band can’t fault you for wanting to move to be closer to your husband. They are going to have to understand. It’s just life.”

I glance up at her. “You’ve gotten so much better at these pep talk things. Have you been practicing?”

She giggles, and then tears begin to well up in her eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?” I ask, racking my brain to figure out what I said that set her off.

She sniffles, rubbing the tears away with the side of her finger. “Yeah, I’m just so thankful you’re okay.”

I smile. “Me too. I’m so thankful we have this time together too.”

My phone begins to ring and Kayleigh glances at the screen and then gives me the look. The same look she has been giving me for days now. “What?” I snap.

“Peyton, you can’t keep ignoring the calls, it’s the police! Can’t they have you arrested for that?” she asks hysterically.

I glance back at the screen of the phone, debating my next move. They want more statements from me. Although I gave them a pretty lengthy one back at the station, they want more. They want to find Tanya and Olly, arrest them, and try them, and they want me to be their star witness. It’s all a bit much.

What if I lose the case and they walk? Who is to say they won’t come after me? Sergeant Fuller says I have enough to put them away for the rest of their lives, but I’m scared. I wish Jace were here with me so I didn’t feel so alone. Funny how I’m surrounded by people that love me, but there is only one person who makes me feel safe at all times, and that’s Jace.

“I am going to return their calls. I promise,” I tell Kayleigh. “I just need a little bit of time, ya know? The past week was such a whirlwind for me.”

I see her expression soften, and I know she’s going to let it slide this time.

“Okay,” she gives in. “But if they call when I’m with you again, you have no choice but to answer. Deal?”

I break into a small grin. “Deal.”

*              *              *

You would think I wouldn’t be up for much social interaction, but being cooped up in my parents’ house is almost too much to deal with. I find myself at the studio more often than not, and Luis is always there, so I’m never alone.

“So, what do the next few months look like for us?” I ask curiously, eyeing Luis’s calendar on his phone.

“Well, you guys are nominated for a few awards at the Teen Choice Awards next month. You guys will be fitted for your outfits next week. We have a small tour across the east coast, and I’d like you guys to begin filming the music video for Stripped.”

I nod. “Sounds like a jam-packed few months.”

“Is that going to be a problem?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Not at all. Being busy is just what I need right now.”

“Speaking of staying busy, I wrote something the other night I’d like you to hear,” Luis says as he grabs one of his acoustic guitars and then sits back down beside me. He begins strumming and then loses himself in his song.

This. This is what I need. Music is my life. My life has no meaning without it.

“That’s amazing,” I say breathlessly as the music stops.

“Yeah?” he asks, smiling. “You think you might be able to write something to it?”

“Definitely.” I return his smile. “Do you think I’m making a mistake moving out to LA?” I know it’s a little blunt of me to come out and ask, but I want to know his opinion. He’s been a really good friend ever since we met.

His facial expression turns serious and he puts the guitar down. “Peyton, you need to do what is best for you. We will adapt. Honestly, LA is a better place for the lot of you, but I don’t know how well it would go over attempting to convince your band to move.”

The more that I think about it, the more I realize it actually wouldn’t be that difficult. Madison and Brooklyn are in a month to month agreement, Harper is a free spirit, and the majority of the guys are easygoing. “This sounds crazy, but I think I might be able to convince them to do it. It won’t be easy, but I think they might say yes.”

Luis raises his eyebrows, surprised. “There is an awesome studio and production team, The NightCrawlers, out in LA. I’d definitely want to get you guys in there to record some new material if this comes to fruition.”

Suddenly, it doesn’t feel like a far-fetched idea anymore. It feels like something that could actually happen. I glance at Luis, hopeful. “I don’t know the best move to take for the band, or even for me personally, but I do know I am going to think this over carefully before making any decisions.”

Luis nods, picking the guitar back up. “Now, you ready to write?”

*              *              *

“What are you doing?” I ask as I roll around on my bed.

Jace sounds like he is running a marathon. “Just got to the airport,” he says.

“Mmmm, my jet setter,” I murmur. “Where are you headed to?” Please say to me.

“Home.”

“Home as in LA?” I clarify.

“Yeah,” he answers.

“Are you on a break from filming?” I ask.

There is a lot of background noise as he maneuvers through the boisterous airport. “Yeah, we only have the weekend, and Chenise has me booked solid with meetings for new potential agents and I have that photo shoot with GQ, remember?”

I smack myself in the forehead. “I did forget. I’m sorry, Jace.”

“It’s okay. How are you doing?” he asks timidly. He’s been so attentive and caring lately. I cannot get enough of this side of him.

“Eh, I’m taking it day by day.” I pause, mustering up the courage I need. “Babe?” I ask.

“Yeah?”

“I want to come live with you. I’m ready,” I say hopeful he will be open to the idea.

“Seriously?” He sounds shocked.

“Yeah,” I say. “But there’s something I have to do first.”

“And what’s that?”

“I have to get the police off my back.”

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“I mean, I need to give them as many statements as they require before I can leave the state.”

He sighs. “Whatever it takes. Just do it.”

Twenty Two: I Was So Worried After Our First Year Apart That We Would Never Find Our Way Back to One Another

Jace

I’ve been having Chenise run around and get everything my place needs to make it Peyton-friendly. I don’t know when the police will exactly let her leave the state, but I am just happy she finally made up her mind to do it. I’ve been so worried about her in Ohio, while I’m in Georgia, filming.

There are only three more months of filming, so it’s possible that Peyton might come out to visit me here in Georgia, the options have me excited. I hear a knock on my trailer door and I hop up to answer it. As the door swings open, I see a trendy African-American male with a Mohawk and a platinum blond sidekick. They are standing next to a portable clothing rack. “Hey,” the guy speaks first. “We’re here to find you something to wear for the Teen Choice Awards and for the upcoming Oscars.”

My stomach tenses up a bit. I’ve been to my fair share of award shows since I began this gig, but they’re just not for me. I don’t like the fact that they pit people against each other and it becomes about ‘who did it better?’ rather than the art. “Sure, come on in.” I open up the door further, and slide out of the way.

They make their way into my trailer and then set up so that I can take a glance at the clothes before me. The thing is, being a guy, there are only so many different ways you can make a suit or tux look. Women and their dresses have endless options. It takes me less than a half an hour to pick out two different looks for the award ceremonies. Luckily the Teen Choice Awards aren’t as fancy, so I got to wear a suit, not a tux. It’s a pretty nice grey suit with a shiny red tie.

Peyton will be attending the Teen Choice Awards herself with A Change in Time and Luis, they are nominated in a few categories: Best Break-Up Song for Stripped, Best New Female Vocalist, and Breakout New Artists. As for me? I’m up for Best Actor in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy film for Fortitude, Best Sci-Fi/Fantasy Film for Fortitude and Angelica is up for Best Actress in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy film for Fortitude.

I’m excited to attend both ceremonies and after-parties with Peyton on my arm. I can’t wait to make it official-official.

After I’m left alone once again, I pick up my cell phone and FaceTime Peyton. She answers fairly quickly, but she seems upset. “What’s wrong?” I ask, sensing the uneasiness radiating off of her.

“They think they found them: Olly and Tanya. They want me to come down to the station to identify them.”

My stomach plummets. This is both a good thing and a bad thing—a double edged sword. “Crap. Do you want me to come with you?”

She sighs, running her fingers through her long hair and flipping it over. “I don’t know, is that even a possibility?”

I rack my brain for the schedule Chenise just sent me via email a couple of days ago. “Give me a second,” I tell Peyton as I rummage through my phone looking for it. Once I find it my sigh gives me away.

“I thought so,” Peyton says.

“Well, do you think you might be able to take Kayleigh or Brooklyn?” I ask, knowing both are very close to Peyton and great replacements.

She exhales. “Yeah, probably.”

“Everything is going to be okay, you know. The state, they are doing this to get you justice. I hope you realize that. I understand you’re scared right now and don’t really know what to expect, but they only have your best interests at heart.”

Peyton seems to relax a little, her shoulders slumping a bit. “They asked me if you might want to consider pressing charges too, against Tanya her for breaking and entering, stalking, harassment, and for damages.”

I hadn’t intended on it. “Do you think it will help your case?”

“The police seem to think so. They think it will show how she is unstable and pre-meditated my kidnapping.”

I shrug. “Alright then.”

“I have to go, my parents are home,” Peyton rolls off her bed, carrying the phone with her.

“Okay, but I want you to call me the minute after you leave the police station, got it?” I won’t be able to answer, but at least I will know everything went okay if she calls.

She nods. “Okay. I love you.”

I smile. “I love you too, Peyton Austin.”

“Hey, I thought we agreed I could hyphenate it,” she protests.

“Okay, okay, fine. Peyton Lane-Austin,” I accentuate smiling.

She closes her eyes and then rapidly opens them. “I love the ring it has to it.”

I shake my head grinning. She wanted to keep her last name so as to not confuse her already established fan base, but she still wanted to take on my last name, so we came to a compromise. A name is just a name, honestly. I’m just happy I get to call her my wife every day. I am so lucky I didn’t miss my chance. I was so worried after our first year apart that we would never find our way back to one another. I am so glad I was wrong.

Twenty Three: I Stare at Him, My Husband, and Realize That He…He Gets Me

Take Me Out

© 2015 DarienMae

Take my hand

Dance with me

Make me groove

So easily

Pull me close

Take the lead

It’s only with you

I feel free

Go ahead and take me out

I’m ready to fly now

Go ahead and take me out, t-take me out, t-take me out

Go ahead and take me out

I’m ready to fly now

Go ahead and take me out, t-take me out, t-take me out

You and me

We’re meant to be

One night stand

Or eternity

I’m ready to jump

I’m ready to fly

Come on baby

Take me to paradise

Go ahead and take me out

I’m ready to fly now

Go ahead and take me out, t-take me out, t-take me out

Go ahead and take me out

I’m ready to fly now

Go ahead and take me out, t-take me out, t-take me out

~Three Months Later~

Peyton

Now that filming has wrapped for Duel, and Jace is back in LA, we didn’t think twice before scheduling another appearance on Kelley. There is a lot we need to talk about.

“I am so happy to welcome back Jace Austin and his wife, Peyton!” Kelley Lacey greets us as we take the stage to a rambunctious audience. I wave as we both hug Kelley and then take our seats.

“I have to say I’m surprised to have you two back already, but as soon as we heard the news, I knew we wanted to be the exclusive on the ongoing story.” She looks genuine as she leans in as she speaks to us. “Now, to fill in any audience members or at home viewers that don’t know what transpired just a few short months ago, can you two elaborate?”

Jace and I exchange wary glances unsure of who should take the lead on this one. Jace lifts the side of his lip just enough that I let out a sigh of relief, knowing I’m off the hook. “It really all started when my home was broken into and vandalized,” Jace says simply.

Pictures begin to flash up on the projector behind our heads of the graffiti and mess Tanya left behind in his LA home. Jace glances at it for a few seconds, grimacing, and then turns his attention back to Kelley.

“That must have been disturbing to come home to, to say the least. The police report says you had never met her before and that she was just an overzealous fan,” Kelley reads off the notecard in front of her.

Jace nods. “She had sent a few fan letters, but being in this business it’s just not realistic that I am going to be able to read each and every one of those personally. My assistant actually opened the first couple of letters from her.”

The producers encourage the audience to ‘Oooh’ and ‘Ahhh’ as they approach each side of the crowd, behind the view of the cameras. I look back at the projector screen and there is a copy of one of Tanya’s ‘love notes’. It feels wrong reading it, almost like we are invading her privacy. I shift my eyes away quickly. It’s not like I haven’t already read them a thousand times. I could probably even recite them by memory.

Don’t worrie, babe, its not going to take much to git rid of her. She wont even know wat hit her. Im going to have to lay low for a bit after everything goes down, but I will com for you, this I promis.

I shudder as her words run through my mind. It’s such a strange feeling that people can feel so close to someone they have never met in real life. It’s actually kind of scary. How many other crazed fans like Tanya did Jace have out there? How many would I have?

“So before you even had a chance to decide if you were going to press charges, you found out she had offended again, is that right?” Kelley asks dramatically, as the audience watches on intently.

Jace shakes his head slowly. “We didn’t know she was involved with Peyton’s disappearance at first; all we knew was that something terrible had happened, we just weren’t sure of what.”

The cameramen pan to me as they circle around, attempting to get their money shot.

“We will be right back after this short commercial break,” Kelley addresses the camera before it cuts for our thirty second break. “So how are you doing, really?” Kelley asks sincerely.

“I’m doing okay,” I reply simply, but I mean it.

“How’s the married life?” she asks with a big grin on her face, her eyes darting between Jace and me.

We exchange smiles. “The married life is…” Jace begins.

“Really good,” I finish.

Kelley chuckles as we ready ourselves for the cameras to pan back in.

“Alright, in three, two, one…”

“Welcome back. We’re here with America’s sweethearts Jace Austin, star of the Strategic Arms series and his wife, Peyton Lane-Austin, lead singer of A Change in Time. Peyton, take us back there, to that day, did you know anything was amiss?” The audience is zoned in like hawks. I feel like I’m burning under their stares.

“Well, when I made it to my apartment and the door was ajar, something definitely felt off,” I answer.

“So…and please, don’t take this the wrong way, but, why go inside?” Kelley asks. It’s a valid question.

“Honestly, I think I did it to prove something to myself.” I narrow my eyes, coming to the realization.

“And what would that be?”

“That I can stand on my own two feet. That I don’t need everyone else’s help. That I don’t have to be afraid.” I glance at Kelley, locking eyes with her.

“Yeah? And how’d that go?” she asks.

“Pretty poorly, actually,” I reply as the audience erupts in laughter.

“So tell us what happened next.”

“Next I was abducted by Tanya.” I look around at the shocked faces and expressions of the audience.

“So the same overzealous fan who just posted bail for breaking and entering at Jace’s residence immediately violated her bail by leaving the state and then tracking you down,” Kelley recites the information.

I nod.

“Wow. What were you thinking at that point? Did you know who she was at the time?” You can hear a pin drop it’s so quiet as everyone anticipates my answers.

“Well, I was unconscious at that point, so I didn’t even know what was happening.” I don’t mean to be funny, but suddenly the audience is roaring with laughter.

Kelley tries to fight back her out spout of laughter. “How about when you finally came to, what were you thinking then?”

I take a deep breath, going back to that day in my mind. “I was scared, I was trying to pay attention to every small detail that may help me escape, and I thought I was going to die.”

The audience collectively gasp as a ploy by the producers, but it makes my heart race. I haven’t forgotten one bit how terrified I was in that room, tied up with a hitman. I begin to breathe deeply, and I feel as if I can’t catch my breath. I’m too deep to even realize I am having an anxiety attack. I feel my head being guided between my legs, and I look to see Jace maneuvering it. He doesn’t even have to say a word, I know he has my back.

“Can we take a break?” Jace asks quickly, his arm immediately going to my back and rubbing gently.

“Yes, please, let’s take a quick commercial break,” Kelley catches on before jumping up and racing to get me a water bottle. In two seconds flat she is shoving it into my face. “Peyton, you’re scaring me.”

I take a few more short breaths and then tear my eyes off the floor to look at her. “I am so sorry, Kelley, I feel so embarrassed.”

“Oh, please, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. I just want to make sure you are doing alright, you gave us all quite a scare,” she says, her eyes not leaving mine for one moment.

I take a sip of the water and regulate my breathing. “I guess I didn’t realize just how much I am not okay with what happened, yet.”

Kelley’s sympathetic eyes drink me in, she seems to be debating something in her mind. “And you know what, that’s okay. No one expected you to just return to life and go on like nothing happened. If this is too much for you to talk about today, don’t even sweat it, we have plenty of time, and I know you’ll guarantee me an exclusive.”

I nod shamefully. “But I know the audience was expecting…”

“Don’t even worry about what the audience was expecting. You don’t think I really brought you on here to tell this difficult tale without a back-up plan, did you?” Kelley winks at me.

The biggest sigh of relief floods out of me.

“Now, come on, I had to have them extend the commercial break.” Kelley steps back to her place as the cameramen countdown to show time once more.

“Welcome back, we’re here with Jace Austin, and his wife, Peyton Lane-Austin who have been discussing their difficult and muddy pasts. I just want to thank you guys one more time for being here with us, you have no idea how much we love having you both on the show. I still remember the first time you were both on the show, you were so young and naïve, and we had never seen two people more in love.”

Jace glances over at me and I swear I can see the love in his eyes. The corners of his lips curl up as mine do too.

“We had viewers write in for months on end wanting updates on the two of you and if you were still together, and now here we are.” Kelley pauses and we hear the projector start up again. We both glance back and it is footage of our first time on the show. The way Jace looked at me, it’s taking my breath away even now.

The clip ends and the audience cheers happily. I spin back around and Kelley is looking at me almost as if she is waiting on an answer. My eyes shift around nervously, unsure of what to do in the moment.

“Peyton, Jace, my audience and I have had the incredible chance of watching you two grow up in front of our very eyes. We’ve heard about it all, the ups, the downs, and everything in between. Your love inspires so many people, myself included, that we wanted to be able to do something to show our gratitude.” Kelley has a huge grin on her face as Jace and I exchange anxious glances. “So we here at The Kelley Show have teamed up with Wedding Bliss Magazine to give you both the wedding you’ve always dreamed of. No out of pocket cost to you guys, of course.”

I’ve racked my brain so many times trying to figure out what Kelley finds so inspiring about us, we are just ordinary people maneuvering through life as best as we can. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

Kelley chuckles, clapping her hands together. “Well, for starters, a thank you never hurts,” Kelley jokes, her audience laughing along with her.

I swallow. “Thank you, thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to us.”

“Well, isn’t it just about every girl’s fantasy to be able to walk down the aisle beside her father and be given away, as well as be surrounded by those that care most about her?” Kelley is right. I’ve dreamt about my wedding day since I was a toddler. Of course back then I didn’t understand what marriage meant or even entailed, but I am in this. I am in this for the long haul. My mother was so upset when she found out about us the first time. Being able to have her in attendance at my wedding would be a dream come true.

Jace finally fills my awkward silence. “Peyton’s friends and family mean the world to her, and I can only imagine how amazing it will be for her to have them there on such a special day in her life. Especially since they weren’t able to be in attendance the first time. We both appreciate this so much.”

I stare at him, my husband, and realize that he…he gets me. I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. Sometimes I don’t even have to open my mouth for Jace to know exactly what I am feeling, exactly how I am doing.

Kelley waves off our continued praise. “There is just one small catch.”

Jace chuckles, rubbing his face. “I guess that’s fair. Lay it on us.”

“You have to promise to let The Kelley Show film the entire event from start to finish.”

Jace and I exchange a silent glance. We’re on the same page and neither one of us opened our mouths to confirm it, we just know. “Done,” Jace answers for the both of us.

“Wow,” Kelley replies shocked. “You guys didn’t even put up a fight. That was much easier than I had anticipated.”

Honestly, I would have wanted to hire a videographer for our wedding anyway, and now we were killing two birds with one stone. Our wedding day will be memorialized for the rest of our lives. And plus, who else gets to say they exclusively had their wedding shot by The Kelley Show? This was going to be some good publicity for all parties involved. Not to mention we could finally take advantage of the honeymoon we had been gifted by Kelley after the renewal of our vows.

Jace and I both chuckle. “We know what we want.”

Twenty Four: I Didn’t Think I Would Get a Chance to Say I Love You Again

Jace

With the first part of Duel wrapped, and nothing else on my plate, I am at my agent’s office discussing possible leads in between filming. “So, we have a few things to discuss,” Adam Lebowitz, my new agent, says.

“Shoot.”

“Okay, so you read the script for that new Henrietta film, what did you think?” he sits forward, intently listening.

“I think it was okay, and it may turn out to be a decent film, but I don’t think that’s the direction I want to go in at this current moment,” I reply honestly.

“Okay, no problem. Henrietta film is out.” This is what I really like about Adam. He listens when I speak. When I say I am uncomfortable with something or don’t want to do a certain project, he accepts it without question. We haven’t had any issues since Chenise hooked us up together a couple of months ago. “Alright, next order of business, that MTV show Rebel with a Cause has proposed a character for you which would last four episodes. How are you feeling about this?”

“I had never seen the show before they sent the scripts over, but I really like them. I checked out a couple of the previous episodes and they have a really artistic feel to how they are being shot and I like that,” I answer.

“Okay, awesome. Now, let’s go over pay. They are offering $25,000 per episode, which is lower than I would have liked for you, but it’s between your other jobs and it’s only going to last two weeks at most.”

“I’m cool with it. Let’s solidify the details,” I say. Money doesn’t really matter so much to me anymore. After the insurance money from my parents’ passing, and then the checks I’ve been getting from the Strategic Arms series and appearances, my bank account is bursting. I could afford to lose a bit of it, I’m sure. I’m not even deterred by Adam’s large salary I have to pay to the tune of $350,000 annually. I think he is more than worth every penny.

“Great. Now, lastly, your wedding and honeymoon are quickly approaching. We’ve made sure that your schedule remains clear around all of those dates, but I need to know what press and paparazzi will be allowed at the nuptials, and how that will work out with Kelley’s exclusivity clause.” The wedding details are making my head spin.

“Okay,” I say, extending the word with a breath. “For now, I don’t want any press or paparazzi inside for the ceremony. Try to make some side deals with them for extra cash,” I say. Adam’s mind runs on money. Wherever we can make more money, he is always finding it.

His office phone speaker beeps and his assistant’s voice rings through. “Adam?”

“Yes, Barbara?”

“Chenise is on the line, she says she has been trying to get ahold of Jace.” Adam exchanges a worried glance with me and tells Barbara to patch her through.

“Chenise?” he answers.

“Hey, Adam, I can’t seem to get ahold of Jace is he still there with you?” she asks. I am looking for hints of something in her voice, but I am unsure of what to think.

“I’m right here, Chenise, what’s up?” I speak on behalf of myself.

“The police came by the house looking for you. They said they had been trying to get ahold of you as well.” There’s no way it’s a coincidence that multiple people have now said they had trouble getting ahold of me. I pull my cellphone out of my front jean pocket and sure enough there are five missed phone calls. My eyes quickly flit to the top of the screen where I see the volume icon with two slashes through it. My phone somehow got slipped into ‘ignore mode’ and I’m not even sure how long it’s been like that.

My heart begins to beat faster. “Did they say what they wanted?”

“Something about solidifying a date for the trial.”

“Oh, shit. Have you spoken to Peyton?” I ask, my mind racing.

“Not yet, I wanted to talk to you first.”

I nod, even though I’m well aware she can’t see me. “Thanks, Chenise. I’ll be back to the house soon.”

Adam presses a button to hang up the call and then gives me a solemn look. “How do you think Peyton is going to take it?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure. She’s been dreading this moment for a very long time. I just hope this trial can get her the justice and closure she needs.”

He nods. “Well, we can definitely pick this up a different day. Why don’t you get out of here and deal with that situation.”

I really like Adam. He is old enough to be my father, but young enough that I can relate to him. I would have liked to have had someone like him in my life growing up. I wish the time I had with my brother hadn’t been so tainted by his misguided decision-making skills and his inexcusable actions. I hop out of the chair and wave goodbye to Adam as I leave his office. I’m dialing Peyton just as soon as I hit the waiting room. It rings, and rings, and rings, and she doesn’t answer. I hang up and immediately try her phone back once more, but yet again, the same thing. She must be in the booth.

Peyton has only been in LA for a very short time, and yet she didn’t waste a second. The moment her feet landed in town she went right over to the producers Luis set her up with. Although Peyton was the only one who moved out here now, her entire band is set to follow in the coming months. How she managed that, I will never know. Peyton’s mind works in mysterious ways.

Instead of heading home I get back on the freeway and head to the NightCrawlers studio. With LA traffic nothing is a piece of cake, but I make surprisingly good time getting there. When I step out of my Mercedes-Benz G Class, I take note of the darkening sky. It’s only six o’clock, and the sun is already setting.

As I enter the studio, I can tell Peyton is in the booth. The duo from Barbados are extremely concentrated and quiet as they listen to her belt out the words of a song I’ve never heard before. It sounds fresh.

Take my hand

Dance with me

Make me groove

So easily

Pull me close

Take the lead

It’s only with you

I feel free

Go ahead and take me out

I’m ready to fly now

Go ahead and take me out, t-take me out, t-take me out

Go ahead and take me out

I’m ready to fly now

Go ahead and take me out, t-take me out, t-take me out

The producers get extra loud and riled up as she finishes the last part.

“That’s it! That’s how you do it, baby! That’s our chorus!” Night says. He lays on the button to congratulate her. After nearly a minute of praise he finally acknowledges my presence with a simple head nod. “Your husband is here.”

He releases the button and then turns to Crawler, and no I am not making up their names. That’s what they prefer to be called, what they legally had their monikers changed to. “That was dynamite. Luis is going to shit himself when he hears it.”

It is so different than anything I have ever heard the band do, I’m surprised they are so sure Luis will like it. It almost feels like they are crossing her over to the pop side a bit. Peyton loves singing anything, if someone asked her to sing them the phone book and were serious, she’d probably do it. Me on the other hand, I have more refined tastes. Metallica, Guns and Roses, AC/DC, now that’s my kind of music. Not that I don’t think Peyton is one of the most talented creatures on the planet.

Peyton comes out and immediately wraps her fingers around my neck, pulling me in for a kiss. “Well this is a nice surprise.”

I kiss her back eagerly, but then quickly pull away as I can feel two sets of eyes on us.

“What’s up?” she asks. I’m going to take a gamble here and say she hasn’t had a chance to check her phone.

“The police came by the house,” I say.

“And?” she asks, her eyebrows raising.

“And nothing, I wasn’t home, but Chenise said they were trying to get ahold of you too.” Peyton hurriedly rushes over to her purse, and grabs her gold IPhone out. She looks mortified as she goes through the missed calls.

“Did they leave you a message?” Peyton asks.

I shake my head.

“Me either. What do you think they want?”

“Well, Chenise said she thinks they set a date for the trial.” I can see all the blood drain from Peyton’s face.

“I mean, I knew it was going to happen, I guess I just didn’t realize it was happening,” Peyton mumbles. I cross over to her and wrap my arm around her, pulling her in.

“I figured that we could call them back together,” I say.

She expels what looks to be a sigh of relief. “That sounds like a good plan. Are we good here?” She refocuses her attention to the producers.

“Hell fucking yes, if you can bring that energy level every day and we can get it near perfect on the first take, I think we are going to be making gold, baby!” Crawler says excitedly, his accent more apparent with longer sentences.

Peyton’s smile convinces them, but I can tell her mind is elsewhere. “Thanks, guys. You’re great as always.”

We exit the building and before we even have a chance to climb in the car, Peyton wants to call the station. “You sure you’re ready?” I ask, knowing full well that once she gets an idea in her head nothing can stop her.

She nods enthusiastically. “Yeah. Let’s get it over with.”

“Sergeant Fuller?” I ask when our transfer finally goes through.

“Yep?”

“This is Jace and Peyton, we heard you might be looking for us.”

“Oh, yeah, thank you for getting back to me.” He pauses. “You know, ever since we heard what they put you through, Mrs. Austin, we’ve been sick to our stomachs. Everyone at the station wanted justice for you, for what you went through.”

“Thank you,” Peyton says. “That means a lot.”

“Well, I want to be the first to tell you that we have set a date for Tanya’s trial, November 18th.”

“Oh wow, that’s so…soon,” I say, digesting the fact that it is literally within three weeks. “Wait, how long do these things normally take?”

“Well, normally in a case like this they can take anywhere from a week to a few months. And, we know that you two have very busy schedules and will not be able to be there for every bit of it, but the main thing they are worried about is opening and closing arguments and your witness statements.” Peyton and I glance at each other.

“Wait, you said Tanya’s trial. What about Olly?” Peyton asks the question I didn’t even realize I wanted to know as well.

“Well, we had to try them separately as their crimes were different.”

“So we have to go through this two different times?” Peyton asks. I feel sorry for her, I can read the uneasiness in her body language and vocal tone.

“Unfortunately, yes, but it will be for the greater good. We can get those dangerous individuals off our streets, and hopefully everyone will begin to feel safer.”

“Well, I guess we don’t really have a choice then,” Peyton mumbles.

Sergeant Fuller sighs. “Mrs. Austin, you are the smoking barrel of this trial. Your testimony is what will put them away. And I understand that it’s hard, having to relive those details, but please consider the two dangerous criminals that may walk if you don’t do this. You wouldn’t want anyone else to be harmed or tortured the way you were, would you?”

Peyton is visibly upset, shaking now. “We will be there. Thanks for the update, Sergeant.”

“Guys, we’re much too close for that now, call me John.”

I give a verbal head nod and then quickly end the phone call. Peyton looks utterly shaken up. She isn’t moving now, just staring ahead. I’m beginning to worry about her. “Babe?” I ask, reaching for her.

She finally lifts her eyes to mine after an antagonizing thirty seconds.

“You okay?” I ask, pocketing my cell phone.

She shrugs. “Jace, they are both facing life in prison charges. They are both still young. With that charge, the time is fifteen years minimum. Richard and Brent are going after Olly for everything, so he could be looking at forty or fifty years. I don’t know if I am going to be able to deal with that on my conscience.”

I digest her words slowly, and I don’t blame her. We are talking about someone else’s life being taken away from them. That is powerful and scary. Peyton’s lawyers are hound dogs who won’t back down until the win, but at the end of the day this is about her, not about them. “We’ve never really talked about that day. After everything happened, I just wanted you to be able to have a chance to get back to normal. I wanted to keep the negative away, so I haven’t asked, but if you need someone to talk to, Peyton, I’m here for you. My grievances with Tanya and Olly are different than yours. I’m angry at Tanya for breaking into and vandalizing my home. I’m pissed she broke into yours and then kidnapped you. I’m even more livid she came up with a hitman scheme, and that you had to live out any part of that.”

Peyton breathes out what appears to be some kind of sigh of relief as she steps into me.

“When I think about what Olly did to you…my blood boils. The things I want to do to him. I’m torn up inside because I still don’t know everything that he put you through. Please talk to me,” I say softly, brushing away her hair and placing it behind her ear.

She lowers her eyes. “Jace, I thought I was going to die, and I know, as odd as it sounds, it’s not the first time I’ve felt that way. We both went through the shooting…but we all went through the shooting, the entire school. I was utterly alone, with strangers I had never met, and had no idea what they were capable of.” She pauses, her voice quivering. “I didn’t think I would get a chance to say I love you again. I didn’t think I would get a chance to be married and have a family.”

My heart hurts for Peyton and what she went through. It must have been hell. I can’t even imagine. I lift her chin up so she is staring me in the eyes. “We can’t let them win. You can do this, I believe in you, and I am going to be here every step of the way.”

The tension in her shoulders lessens and she wraps her arms around my neck, pressing her lips to mine. “Take me home.”

I don’t need her to tell me twice, I’m already unlocking the car.

Twenty Five: You Never Know What Tomorrow Might Bring

You

© 2015 DarienMae

All my life

All my life

All my life I’ve been searching for my other half

All my life I’ve been searching for my other half

Never knew it could ever be you

Never knew it could ever be you

You could be my number one

Playing games and having fun

Drinking champagne all through the night

Dancing under that moonlight

Look at me, I’m drunk in love

Sit back and enjoy this buzz

Stop, ready, go

Here comes the fun

All my life I’ve been searching for my other half

All my life I’ve been searching for my other half

Never knew it could ever be you

Never knew it could ever be you

Can’t believe you’re the one for me

Your stunning face has hypnotized me

I’ve lost all control

I feel the lust in my soul

You’re the puppet master pulling the strings

Taking and taking away from me

All my life I’ve been searching for my other half

All my life I’ve been searching for my other half

Never knew it could ever be you

Never knew it could ever be you

All my life…it could ever be you

Peyton

When we get home, I am still wound up. Not as tightly as before, but my entire body feels like I’ve been in a boxing match and lost. After hanging up our jackets and putting our shoes away, we both head into the kitchen.

I sit down on one of the stools and toss my head over, rubbing my neck.

“Do you want some tea?” Jace asks.

He doesn’t even need to ask. He knows me so well, he’s always in tune with my needs. I flip my head back over and nod and he’s already heading over to the black glass stove and grabs the teapot.

I watch him as he works, the way the muscles in his back flex and move. After all this time, I still think he is the sexiest man alive. I can’t help it, I cross the room to him, wrapping my arms around his toned abs from behind. I breathe in his scent, closing my eyes.

He rubs one of my hands soothingly, and then maneuvers himself so that we are now facing one another. “Hi,” he says softly.

“Hi,” I reply.

“How was your day?” he asks as he begins trailing his fingertips along the sides of my arms.

“I’ve had better ones. How about you?” I ask playfully, grinning.

“I think I can agree,” Jace says thoughtfully. He runs his thumb along my jawline gently.

I press into him, our lips finding one another’s. I love the way they fit together. The way they dance together. Kissing Jace is always a thrill ride for me. The butterflies never go away. He pulls away as a moan escapes from my lips. Jace breaks into a wide grin. “You want to get out of here?” he asks, motioning with his head toward the staircase.

I nod eagerly. “Wait, what about the tea?”

He turns the burner off and moves the teapot. “We can make tea after.”

Anticipation boils up in my stomach as he grabs my hand and leads the way upstairs. We’ve been so busy lately with our own projects, we haven’t had as much alone time as we would have wished. He leads me into the bedroom and then pushes me gently onto the bed. I back up with my elbows and Jace climbs onto the bed on top of me. He presses his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. “I am so happy we have the next couple of months to spend time together.”

I nod, but internally, I’m sighing. Between the dual trials, recording the new CD, appearances, and award shows, I’m running thin. I am so tired by the time I do make it home, that I can barely keep my eyes open. I just don’t want Jace to think I’m not giving him the attention he deserves.

I feel his hot breath against my ear and my excitement builds. He presses gentle kisses along the edge of my ear and down my neck. He kicks his feet between my legs, and presses himself closer to me.

I yank off his white cotton t-shirt. I run my hands along his smooth skin and my head falls back as he continues to keep full contact with my skin. I’m shuddering, but in a good way. He moves his head into the opening of my v-cut t-shirt, between my breasts. His lips begin playfully torturing me there.

I reach down and unbutton my jeans, allowing Jace easy access to take them off. He grins at me approvingly and moves his lips back to mine, sucking on my bottom lip. I feel like I am in another world as he continues to expertly maneuver his lips and tongue around my own. His fingers find their way to the opening on my jeans and slip under the waistband on my underwear. I hold my breath as I anticipate what is to come next.

He moves them in and out of me, met with tension, but we are both enjoying ourselves to the fullest. Without warning, he rips off my jeans and throws them to the ground. I can tell he’s had enough foreplay for tonight. He stands up and removes his jeans. His erection is the only thing I can look at as he faces me in nothing but his boxer-briefs. I scoot to the edge of the bed, in only my t-shirt, bra, and panties. I reach for him and pull him to me.

I slide one of my hands into his boxer-briefs and wrap my fingers around his large dick. As my thumb slides to the tip, I feel the wetness and find myself getting even more worked up.

He pushes me away gently, slips off his underwear, and then helps me do the same. When we are both standing there stark naked, staring at one another, he tosses me back onto the bed and pounces on me like a lion. Being naked with someone is already an intimate feeling, but when you can feel every inch of their body on your skin, it’s other-worldly. I grow more turned on by the minute. The wetness between my legs is building.

His hot breath, his tongue, his fingers trailing up and down my body, all these things are sending my senses into overdrive. The tip of his dick rubs me, between my legs, and my breathing becomes shallow. His usual MO is to wait until he knows I am ready for him, but he enters me quickly, and I gasp because it feels so damn good.

His thrusts are slow and deliberate at first. When he senses I like what he’s doing, he moves faster and faster. “Oh God!” I scream out, unable to stop myself.

Jace continues to pump himself deep inside of me but he slows his pace and lowers his head into the crook of my neck. I wrap my legs around his lower back and allow him deeper.

“Peyton,” he breathes out, and I take the hint to stay exactly as I am. He thrusts deeper and faster, and before I even realize it, we are climaxing together. He doesn’t want me to move right away due to sensitivity, so we stay wrapped up in one another for a moment, catching our breath.

“I love you, wife,” he whispers into my ear.

“I love you, husband.” This has become our normal. We are so grateful to have found our way back to one another that we never want to waste another second not telling the other how we feel.

We finally pry ourselves apart and he starts the shower for us. “You coming?” He cranes his neck out from inside the bathroom.

“Yeah, be there in a sec,” I say. I remain sprawled out on our bed reveling in the fact that I not only married my best friend, but that I am lucky enough to spend the rest of my life with him.

*              *              *

The incredible smell of cinnamon rolls and freshly brewed coffee has me rushing out of our comfortable hotel bed. We’re in town for the trial and decided not to put my parents out and instead get a suite for the short time. “Yum, is this for me?”

Jace spins around with what looks to be flour and batter all over his face and clothes. My heart swells. “You didn’t.”

He nods. “Happy Anniversary.”

I squint my eyes. “Anniversary? We’ve only been married for seven months.”

He chuckles. “We’re celebrating the day we met.”

“We are?” I ask.

“How do you even remember what date that was?” I ask.

He cocks his head to the side. “How could you not?”

Then it hits me, he is referring to the day I tried to…Jesus, I can’t say the words because it makes me feel so guilty. I hurt so many people that day. My face falls.

“Stop,” he says softly. “This is about celebrating, not about reliving past choices. You’re a different person now.”

“How do you know that?” I ask, unsure of myself.

He crosses to me. “I know you, Peyton, but I’m still open to learning more about you each and every day.”

I wrap my arms around his neck. “God, I love you so much.”

“Ditto,” he says, kissing the tip of my nose.

“Technically, the date was August 27th, but I am making up for lost time,” he says. He pulls away, his facial expression turning serious. “Are you ready for today?”

I take a deep breath, shifting my gaze away from him. “Yeah. I guess.”

“Don’t forget we’re a team, okay?” He squeezes my hand. “I’m going to be with you the whole way through.”

It’s Tanya’s trial today. She is facing multiple counts, but the main ones pertain to me: kidnapping, burglary, and conspiracy to commit murder. The state is pushing for a sentence of life in prison.

What she did was wrong, on so many levels, but I’m still human. I can’t help but feel for her. One decision, or I guess in her case, a series of bad decisions led to this, and she can’t take it back. She can’t make the right choice.

I wrap my arms around Jace and just savor the fact that I get the luxury of doing this every day. “Thank you for being my knight in shining armor.”

He chuckles.

I pull away slightly. “I’m serious, Jace. Through it all, you’ve been there for me, and I want you to know how much it means to me. I know things haven’t always been perfect with us, but what relationships are? I can’t imagine going through the hurdles we have and not having one another.”

“Whoa, where is all this coming from?” he asks, surprised.

“I just think there’s no point in keeping our feelings bottled up. If you care about someone you should tell them about it. You never know what tomorrow might bring.” Okay, I probably sound like a bundle of internet quotes right about now, but I believe what I am saying.

He smiles, a puzzled expression on his face and then kisses me lightly. “I love you, you dork.”

*              *              *

Tanya’s trial lasted ten days. Eight days in court, and two days of jury deliberation. I had to testify, and it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be, but it definitely wasn’t easy. Having to sit up there in front of the person who wronged me was not easy. Jace was my rock, firm and steady, just like he promised he would be. Anytime I felt uncomfortable I’d just look for him and he would calm me down with one stare.

The jury was unanimous. The slideshow of pictures of my badly beaten and bruised body helped the jury make a quick decision: guilty on all counts. She was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole. She would be eligible for parole at the age of 78. She showed no emotion on her face at the sentencing. I did wonder what she was thinking underneath that stone cold façade.

The holidays came and went, taking the cold with them, and finally Olly’s trial began. He is facing a lot of the same counts as Tanya. He’s the one I’m nervous to see. I guess that’s understandable as he almost killed me. Our wedding is this upcoming Friday, and we are hoping his trial wraps up before as everything has been so hectic preparing for our wedding and TV event.

“Should we go over the seating chart again?” I ask, frazzled.

Jace laughs at me, finding humor in my disorganized state. “No, I think four times is good enough. How you doing babe, you okay? You need anything?”

I must look like a serious psycho to him the way he is looking at me. “I just want to make sure everything is perfect,” I say softly.

“I know, I know,” he says, wrapping his arm around me. “Look, I know what is bothering you. Let me call Brent and see if they can find us any information about when your testimony will be.” I close my eyes, inhaling deeply. Mind reader.

Jace rushes out of the room and returns a few minutes later. “So I have good news and bad news, what do you want first?”

“Just tell me,” I say dryly not in the mood for games.

“Okay, so good news, they think it is going to be soon, very soon.” Jace paces around the room anxiously.

“Uh huh, and the bad news?”

“Bad news is that they can’t give us an exact date. They are thinking it is going to be Friday,” he says.

“Friday?” I nearly choke out. “That’s the day before our wedding! What if they are wrong and it gets postponed a day? That’s really cutting it too close.”

Jace nods, swallowing. “Yeah, but legally you have to testify.”

“What do they expect me to do? Testify in my freaking wedding dress?” I cry out, just about to lose it.

Jace rubs my back soothingly. “Everything is going to work itself out, I promise.

Somehow I’m just not sure I can believe him this time.

Twenty Six: It was Simple Minded of Me to Think I Could Maneuver Through Life Without Her

Jace

So I may have been a bit hasty making promises to Peyton I could not keep. I was positive the universe would work in our favor to make it so our wedding and the trial did not intervene with one another, but I was wrong.

Today is my wedding day.

Today is also the day Peyton has to testify in the state’s trial against Olly, as their star witness.

I don’t even know how this happened.

Although she has every right to send me death glares and say ‘I told you so’, Peyton has been surprisingly calm about the entire affair. I worry that she might be bottling a lot of it inside, but I also know not to question her tactics. She has a reason for everything she does.

I haven’t seen Peyton since last night, but now I am going to have to see her in her wedding dress before our ceremony as we are at the courthouse and she is about to take the stand to testify. As I enter the quiet courtroom in my tux, my eyes find her immediately, and I lose my breath. She looks stunning.

Her white princess gown has a train that her two best friends are helping keep off the ground and she is wearing a sparkling tiara with her done-up hair. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen her look so gorgeous. Her eyes meet mine, and I swear I see a hint of a blush spread through her cheeks.

“Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

“Yes,” she answers.

“You may be seated.”

Her testimony and questioning lasts forty-five minutes, and we race to make it to our own wedding. Our guests have already been seated, the television cameras are in place, and the only thing missing is us.

By the time we make it there, we immediately hop right into the ceremony. There is a live symphony and walls and walls of white flowers. It’s one of the most extravagant weddings I’ve ever seen, let alone been to. Peyton fits right in among the beautiful décor. She’s definitely a sight to be seen.

I love that even though we were nearly late to our own wedding, everything is so perfect for her. She has all of her friends and family here, she gets the fairytale wedding she always dreamed of, and it’s going to be memorialized for our children.

The officiant asks if we have the rings and Boone and Brooklyn step up giving us the respective ones needed. We chose to write our own vows, and the anticipation inside of my stomach builds as I know it’s time.

“Peyton, I have never met anyone like you before: so passionate, beautiful, and talented. You inspire me every day to be a better version of myself. You are my best friend and my partner, someone I can’t imagine my life without. You push everyone around you to be more, do more, and I hope I can affect change like that in others someday.”

Peyton’s eyes water up. Somehow, I knew she wouldn’t be able to get through this without a tear or two. Even I’m feeling misty-eyed myself.

“Jace, you have been with me through it all: the highest highs and the lowest lows, and your love for me never wavered. You taught me how to be strong, how to fight back, and most of all, how to love with every inch of my being. I want to grow old with you. I want to have children with you. But most of all, I just want to be the wife you always dreamed of.” Peyton swipes a tear away.

We exchange rings and look at the officiant for direction.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife…again. You may kiss the bride!” I close the distance between us and press my lips to hers, as our friends and family look on laughing and cheering.

*              *              *

After our wedding, Peyton and I took advantage of the small window of time we had together to go on our honeymoon. Bora Bora was breathtakingly beautiful and we had an amazing time lying on the beach, snorkeling, scuba diving, and more. We were really able to relax and enjoy our time. By the second to the last day, the paparazzi found us, but we were so close to going home we didn’t let it deter our vacation.

We’ve been back home in LA for a few months now and both of us have been back on the work grind. I’ve had a few television roles and a few major motion picture cameos as well, but my main focus is on part two of Duel which begins filming next month. Peyton finished recording with the NightCrawlers, and released a CD titled True Self, which went on to hit number five on the Billboard charts. Her band has been on the go ever since, traveling all over the world.

Although we both have extremely taxing schedules, we make sure to spend two weekends minimum a month together. It is widely known that the first year of marriage is the most difficult, so we make sure not to become a statistic.

Olly’s trial came and went. He was convicted on all counts and will be spending the next forty-five years in jail. He will be eligible for parole in 2060. I’m happy both parties got what they deserved. Peyton feels a little differently than I do, but I am just relieved that she is safe and sound.

At the beginning of the year, our lives were so far off course from one another’s, I wasn’t sure we would ever be able to get back to a place like this…but we found one another. Through everything we found each other again. It was simple minded of me to think I could maneuver through life without her. She is the reason I wake up every day, thanking the universe for this life. I will never take her for granted again.

Sneak Peek at the first book in my Infinite Love series, Learning to Live:

Topher

“Yes…yes…yes!” Sophia screams underneath me as I thrust deeper. She is breathing deeply; one might even think she is actually enjoying herself. But I know Sophia better than that. I know she’s faking it. I glance at my diamond encrusted Rolex. Twenty more minutes.

“Topher!” Sophia cries from underneath me. I flick my eyes to meet hers. “God, are you even in there?”

She pushes me off of her roughly, and then gathers the sheets off my bed, covering her body.

“Sorry,” I reply, running my hand over my face, and falling flat on my back.

“Sorry? Really?” she exclaims angrily, her green eyes appearing black. “What the hell is up with you lately?”

A lot…but nothing I want to discuss with her. “Nothing,” I lie. “I have to get ready for dinner. My dad is finally going to introduce me to his girlfriend.”

Sophia sighs loudly and then hops off my bed, running straight into my bathroom, and then closing the door behind her. I grab my boxer-briefs and slide them back on along with my jeans, belt and polo. A few minutes later she returns, dropping the sheet to the floor idly, and tossing her clothes back on as well.

Before, the sight of my girlfriend naked could make me hard in a nano-second. Now, it just annoys the crap out of me. She snatches her purse from the ground and gives me a quick peck on the cheek. “See you later?”

“Sure.” I shrug, not even bothering to feign excitement. She whips her head around and takes off.

Sophia Thompson, cheerleader, queen bee, socialite, and my girlfriend of four years. Most guys would kill for the opportunity to date her. I’m not most guys. Over time, I’ve grown to hate almost everything that makes up the person she is, and I’ve mastered the art of faking it.

She’s stubborn, opinionated, rude, condescending, vain, and completely self-centered. She wasn’t always like this. I met her at the end of middle school and she was funny and fun to be around, sweet and even endearing. A lot has changed. Mainly, her popularity skyrocketed and her personality flat lined.

I know I should break up with her, but I’ve grown used to our social status and the hierarchy. Everyone in school wants to date us or be us. Knowing this, makes it hard to dump her like the trash she is. Power has always been something I’ve loved controlling.

The problem is, I’ve been hiding my true feelings for her for so long that I just don’t give a shit anymore. Faking it feels normal, so I continue on with the charade. I found out six months ago Sophia was fucking my best friend, Joe. It wasn’t even a surprise to me. I actually felt relieved. If he was giving it to her good then maybe I wouldn’t have to try so hard. It’s a fucked up situation, I know, but I feel numb about it all.

I head downstairs and quickly begin setting the table. It feels like forever that my father has been sneaking around with his new girlfriend. I always thought I would have met her sooner, but good for him for getting the chance to act younger than he is.

My mother died when I was just a baby. I don’t even remember what she looked like. My father has shown me plenty of pictures, but she’s always felt like a stranger due to the fact that I was too young to remember her. He’s dated a few women since, but it’s mainly just been the two of us. He owns a couple of car lots and is rarely ever home, so I’ve grown accustomed to being on my own.

After setting the table, I help myself to a glass of water and glance at the clock on the stove. They should be here any minute. I wonder if his new lady will have kids. I wonder what she’ll look like. His past choices in women have been very eclectic. I’m not even sure what to expect this time around. I hear the garage open and my eyes lock on the door. Any minute now.

I hear muffled whispers as car doors shut, and then shuffling of feet toward the door. Moment of truth. The handle turns and my father walks in, carrying his briefcase. His Armani suit is immaculate as always, and his dark hair is gelled to perfection. I peek my eyes around him and notice another man walking in. He is thin and pale with short blond hair and a more, laid-back look to him. He wears a blue striped button-down shirt and jeans. So much for dinner…I wonder who this guy is.

“Topher,” my Father exclaims, startled. “I didn’t know you were there.”

I nod, my eyes dancing between my father and his unfamiliar friend. “Where’s your girlfriend?”

My question seems to make him uncomfortable. He clears his throat before speaking. “Do you want to sit?”

Why is he acting so strange? I shake my head as if to say no, then fold my arms across my body.

“Um, Topher, this is Clarke,” my father introduces us, and his friend extends out his hand apprehensively for me to shake. I take it, and it’s seriously the most puny hand shake I’ve ever received.

“Hey Topher, I’ve heard so much about you,” Clarke says smiling slightly.

I nod stiffly. “Do you work at the lot?”

Clarke swallows, his adam’s apple jumping up his throat. “No.”

Okay. Now I’m confused. “Then how do you guys know each other?” I address the question to my father.

He sets his briefcase down on the kitchen counter, taking a small step toward me. “Topher…” The way he says my name makes my heart race, leaving me uneasy. “Clarke and I…”

My mind instantly goes into overdrive. What. The. Fuck. My eyes shoot back and forth between my father and Clarke. No fucking way…

“Topher,” my father says again, concern lacing his voice.

“You’re a fucking fag?” I exclaim angrily, pounding my fist into the granite countertop.

My father’s eyes widen and I see a flash of hurt pass across them. Clarke gasps at my outburst.

“I will not have you talking that way to me in my own home!” my father cries out angrily.

“This has to be some bad fucking dream. This is not my real life!” I throw my head into my hands, my body beginning to convulse. I feel someone’s hand lightly touch me and I throw myself back before realizing it is my father. “I have somewhere to be…” I mutter under my breath as I turn my back to them and race back up the stairs.

I can hear my father calling out after me but my body is on autopilot. Before I even know what is happening, I’ve grabbed the keys to the Porsche and I’m out the door. I don’t think I’ve ever driven this fast in my life. I know I should slow down but I want the image that is seared across my mind gone. How can my father be…how…none of it makes any sense.

My phone is vibrating in the pocket of my jeans. I pull it out and see that it’s my father. I chuck it to the floorboard of the passenger seat angrily.

This can’t be my life.

I end up at Sophia’s out of habit. Her red Mustang is in the driveway so I know she’s home. I jump out of my car and quickly make my way to the door. I pound harder on it than I intend to. Luckily, I notice her sandy brown hair coming to answer it.

“Topher?” she says, confused. “I thought you had to do dinner with your dad?”

“Screw my dad,” I reply, letting myself in and pulling her into me. I cover her lips with mine, kissing her more passionately than I have in a very long time.

“What was that for?” she asks breathlessly, as I break off the kiss.

“I know I’ve been distracted lately, but I want you. I want you now.” I pick her up in my arms, and slam her against the door, kissing her neck, her jaw.

I need a distraction.

Sophia’s breaths are becoming labored. “Topher…not here.”

I put her back down on the ground and she reaches for my hand, pulling me further into her familiar household.

“Hi Topher,” I hear her mother call out from inside the kitchen.

“Hi Mrs. Thompson,” I shout back as we continue to make our way to her bedroom.

After we are securely inside and the door is locked, I throw her onto the bed and pounce onto her.

“What has gotten into you?” she asks, playfully.

“Less talking…more action.” I don’t want to think about anything that transpired earlier at my house. All I want to do is have fucking sex.

“Okay.” She giggles and then I shut my mind off. My body goes back on autopilot and I give an award-winning performance. Unfortunately for me, the distraction is short-lived and before I know it, I’m back in my car pounding my steering wheel with my fist. I know I can’t avoid my house forever…but I never saw this coming. I can’t even imagine the response if I tell Joe or Sophia about what happened. I’d never be able to separate myself from the stigma. The problem is, I don’t actually mind gays…but my father? I’ll never live it down. Everyone in my high school will find out, and I know my life will become a living hell. I know it’s not about me, but, all I can focus on is the repercussions of his choices, and how they will affect my comfortable life.

*              *              *

“Dude, Sophia Thompson is staring at you,” Joe whispers, chuckling.

I take a bite of my bologna sandwich and then glance over my shoulder. Sure enough, green eyes are staring directly at me. A blush takes over her face when she realizes she’s been caught.

I shift my eyes back to Joe. “What do you know about her?” I’ve only been in Oregon for the past seven months. We moved from California because of my father’s line of work. He’s a businessman. He owned multiple car lots across California and sold them all before we moved. He opened a new one in Portland, and that’s where he’s been ever since.

Joe glances at Sophia as if he is studying her, and then back to me. “She’s about to be initiated as one of us, but first we have to pry her away from her best friend.”

I glance back at him inquisitively. “Why would we need to do that?”

He chuckles like I’ve said the most ridiculous thing in the world. “Have you seen who she hangs out with? We have an image to uphold, bro. Do you want to be popular or not?”

I shift my eyes back to Sophia and to her right. There is a blond haired girl seated beside her. She has braces on only her front four teeth, and her hair is a tangled mess. She is wearing overalls that are ripped up in multiple places. I can see why Joe wouldn’t want to be seen with her. We’d be the laughing stock of the school.

When I first got here, being popular wasn’t important to me, but after you reap the benefits of being one of the school’s elite, you never want to go back. I’m invited to a least three parties a weekend, I know of a handful of girls who have crushes on me, and I have a group of nerds who do my homework just because I ask them to. Life is seamless and easy.

“So, what’s the game plan?” I ask, ready to follow whatever ridiculous plan my friend comes up with.

Acknowledgements:

I just want to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who gives my characters and my writing a chance. If it weren’t for you, I’m not sure where I would be right now. Thank you for loving Peyton and Jace as I hoped you all would.

So much of myself, my world, my friends, and my life was weaved throughout The Foundation series and it’s always so comforting when I’m told by readers that they can relate. Most people love me or hate me, there is not really a middle ground…this is how most readers felt about Peyton. I’m glad so many of you could see the strength and courage in Peyton, and the heart and pure selflessness of Jace. Jace is one of the only characters in the series that was not based off of someone I know in real life. He was my portrayal of what I’d love to have seen back in my high school days. I was never bullied or terrorized to the extent Peyton is throughout this series, but just the way he cares about her is beautiful.

Thank you for giving me an outlet to post my lyrics. Words mean everything to me, and I am working at becoming a master wordsmith.

I can’t tell you that this is the end for #Jayton, because I’m not sure it is. I can tell you that they are happy, and maybe someday in the future we will get another glimpse into what they are up to. Until then…

You can find the original DarienMae tracks here.

Don’t forget—if you’re not doing something you love, you’re not really living.

Kira Adams

About the author:

Krista Pakseresht has always been a dreamer, from the first time she opened her eyes, creating worlds through words is one thing she is truly talented at. She specializes in Young adult/New adult romance, horror, action, fantasy, and non-fiction under the pen name Kira Adams. She is the author of the Infinite Love series, the Foundation series, the Darkness Falls series, and the Looking Glass series.

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Books by Kira Adams:

The Infinite Love Series

Learning to Live (Ciera & Topher)

Life After (Destiny & Topher)

My Forever (Madalynne & Parker)

Beautifully Broken (Jacqueline & Lee)

Against All Odds (Austyn & Avery)

The Foundation Series

Pieces of Me

The Fighter

The Road Back to Us

Darkness Falls Series

Into the Darkness

Emerging from Darkness

Standalones

A Date with the Devil